The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-04-13
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

"Your friend?" ''No; merely an
acquaintance from whom 1 borrow
money. Judge.
''Who is that military-looking
chap" "That, sir, is the hero of
rumored war. Puck.
"Did you get your bike on the in
stallment plan?" "Yes, 1 pay the
doctor ten dollars month. Puck.
Jones-"Why, Bridget, this is a
very small eggp Bridget-"Sure,
sir, it was just laid this morning.
Detroit Free Press.
Women don't need to be told that
tie prick of conscience is about as
productive of pin-money as anything
you can mention Puck.
The chief aim of some womens
lives seems to be to get things slicked
up one day before it is time to slick
'em up for the next-Puck.
Van Braam-"J "Jaysmith says he is
an expert in toxicology." Shingles
He must mean intoxicology Pitts
burg Commercial Telegraph.
''You think you are pretty smooth
article" said the salt. 81 have been
told," replied the lard, that [ am
quite refined. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Miss Trill-'I love to hear the birds
sing" Jack Downright WARMLY
so do L. They never attempt piece
beyond their ability. London Tit
Bits.
''There are things in this world
more valuable than money, my son."
81 know it. That'sthe reason L want
money to buy them with, Detroit
Free Press.
Druggists herel Why didn't
you tell that customer that we had
something just as good?" New Clerk
Because he was after some postage
stamps. Puck.
Stranger lin Texas s)-"How long do
you fellows work at stretch?" Cow
boy-"Well, it depends good deal
on how easy feller dies. Deyre
variable. Judge.
He-'Well, / must be going | al
ways seem such a fool among lot of
females" She--"You seem always
the same to me-" Nov, what did she
mean standard.
Watts-"Tve got an uncle eighty
years old and he is as frisky as a
schoolboy.' Potts--''As a schoolboy
going to school or coming out?"-In-
dianapolis Journal
"More men," remarked W.,
server of men and things would
sell themselves to the devil, if the
devil could be taken in with green
goods. Detroit Journal.
$50 that burglar carried off all your
silver?" Eyes; but what upset us the
most was that he drank up all our
cream and we had none for our coffee
at breakfast. Detroit Free Press.
Blobbs-"T fellow to whom I
nodded will probably cut me the next
time he sees me-" "Why?"
Blobbs-"Hes my barber; and he's
very careless. philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Hoyle-"What was all that
noise at your house this morning?"
Mrs. Doyle-'The servant broke some
of the china and then my husband
broke one of the commandments. -
Standard.
81 have a doctors certificate here
that 1 cannot sing tonight, " said the
prima donna. "What?" roared the
manager; '1'll give you a certificate
that you never could sing. Detroit
Free Press.
Her Mamma ''She says when she
undertook to reprove you your re-
marks were, to say the least, out of
place" Her Husband -" "Why,
couldn't get a word in edgewise. =
Detroit Journal
Prisoner-"It's hard to charge me
with forgery, for you see 1 can't even
sign my own name" Judge-"That
point is immaterial; it's another mans
name you're accused of signing. -
London Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Stuckup-"Is this Mr.. Slim
purse you have engaged yourself to
man of means?" Sensible Daughter
Yes, mother. He means all he
says, and that's the sort of a husband
L want. standard.
"No, no" said the Circassian
beauty; 81 can never marry the tat
tooed man. "Myl" replied the fat
lady; II should call him good catch. "
Not so, continued the beauty. He
has an elephant on his hands. "-Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
"Now, Thomas" said a certain
bishop, after taking his servant to task
one morning, "wlo is it that sees all
we do and hears all we say and knows
all we think and who regards even me
in my bishops robes as but vile
worm of the dust?" Aud Thomas re-
piled, "The missus, sir. London
Tit-Bits.