The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-03-01
FLASHES OF FIN.


your patient, Dr. Jones'" He-"But he
was i'll long. long tlmer'-Punch.
Friend-"How do you get along with
the cooking?" The Bride-"Admira-
bly,. l blame 1t on the rnnge."-Puck.
How can you call n man Christian
who loves himself as that Teller does -
We'll, I've heard that he is his own
worst enemy."-Puck
Founder has had to go out of the
band" What was the trouble?' HE
has got too fat to balance the bass
drum."-Chicago Record.
Our organist has an easy time of It."
I'm what wayY" when he wants his
wheel pumped up he attaches 1t to the
organ.'-Chicago Record.
He-'I suppose If your father found
me here he would kick me out of the
door" She-"Oh, don't know; papa's
punting is wretched. "-Detroit Jour
nal.
Chorus of Excited Voices-"Heavenst
a boat wrecked, you say? And none
of its occupants escapedT" Life-Saver
(grimly)-"Only the fellow who rocked
it.''-Truth.
Jill-"Is Gill good judge of clgarsY''
Bill-"I think he must be. He had two
last night and he gave me one He
must have kept the best one"-Yon-
kers Statesman.
A bald-headed man tainted the other
day from the heat. He was very in
dignant, when he was reviving, at
hearing Cockney exclaim, "Give him
hair-give him hairp"
''rhe horse has another point of 81
periority over the wheel" What is
itT' when horse is getting ready to
shy at anything, You can tell 1t by his
ears."-Chicago Record.
Hall-"What are you doing now %
Gall-"Oh, I'm making house-to-
house canvass to ascertain why people
don't want to buy new patent clothes
wringer."-Chicago News.
Darling" he cried, II cannot live
without you But" she replied, my
father is bankrupt" "In that case" he
despondently replied, 81 guess I'll go
and shoot myself."-Chicago News.
Ieacher-"Don't any of you know
how To find mountains OH the map?
Now, look at this map of Alaska What
IS that row or chain of dark, round
spots?' Class lin chorus)-"Nuggetsw
Puck.
Alice-"What n gallant person Mr.
Dunklcy is. He never addresses me
without beginning Fair miss" Dor
othy-"Oh, that's force of habit He
used 10 be a street-car CONDUCTOR
Cleveland Leader.
Bowcry Bill-"Say, young Teller. you
ought TO stop smokln' cigarettes. Dey
amt good fer yer" Cholly-"W-why
not" Bowery Bullock how nerv-
Gus yer get just cause genrman asks
yer fer n light. Puck.
Teacher-''Well, Jane, what is your
fathers business?" Jane-"He's a col
lector, num-" Teacher-"And for
whom does he collect money! Jane
'He doesn't collect money. He's col
lector Of rags."-Boston Ideas.
She-"But surely you believe that he
sins of the father are visited on the
childrenY He-"Rather. My Cover.
nor promised to let me have n flyer this
morning; but he lost 1t at poker last
night so l didn't get itr'-Punch.
Boswell" said DIR. Johnson, meet.
ing the biographer on the street, II
have been reading your manuscripts
There is a great deal about yourself i'm
them. They seem to me to be You.
moirs rather than Memoirs. Puck.
Shelf you could have one Wish,
what would 1t beg He-"It would be
that-that-oh, II I only dared to tell
you what 1t would be- She-"Well.
go on. Why do you suppose brought
up the wishing subjectTr-Chicago
News.
Mrs POrkley-T often wonder how
people manage to understand each
other In France" Mrs. Gotham-"How
absurd" Mrs. Porkley-"wen, both
my daughters speak French, and they
can't understand each other."-Up-to
| Date.
Proprietor average hoteD-"very
sorry, sir but you will have TO leave
| this house Mt once" Guest-"Goodnees
me, What have 1 doneT Proprietor
(solemnly)-"You said something to n
waiter which has displeased the cook"
yellow Book.
Lady interviewing housemaid)-
"Why did you leave your last placer"
| HOusemaid-"B Because the master kiss
| cd me. mum" Lady-"And you didn't
| like IT, chr Houscmald-"O did
4 MT mind Il, mum, but the mistress did
I MT like itr-Fun.
d =~----------------------
z