Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-10-09

was firmly satisfied that the world was
round, and would stick to it IL be never
caught another lobster during the rest
Of his life.
The second speaker was Absolam
Jones. A hog had broken into his
garden that day and rooted things up,
and he had come TO the meeting feelin'
out of sorts. Besides, he had always
known the world was fat, and he get
up and pitched into Moses like a ton
of brick. He said it was whisky in
stead of side-hill which allied him when
he went west, and he wanted to know
how it was that Chicago, Omaha, Den
yer and San Francisco hadn't fallen
off. He had seen enough of this world
to know that it was tiat, and should
Squan Creek decide otherwise his house
and lot were for sale at half price. His
remarks stirred up everybody else, and
things began to git hot. When Goliath
Schmerhorn got up his ears was work
in and his hair curlin He favored
the roundness Of the world, and he
said that any man who stuck out for
ffatness ought to be packed off to an
idiot asylum that very night. He
didn't know why it was that things
didn't slide down hill, but as they
hadn't he wasn't worrying over it. He
had heard that the world revolved on
its axis like a wagon wheel That
might be a newspaper sensation, got
up to scare women and children, but
there was no doubt of the roundness
of the earth. If it was fiat, then Squan
Creek folks would be able to see Phil
adelphia or New York.
When Deacon Spooner saw how
things were goin' he tried to switch the
meetin' off on to another question, but
the audience wouldn't have it. Every
man seemed to feel that the future OF
Squan Creek was at stake, and when
noses was counted I'D it was found
that the adhererts was about equally
divided. Henry Joslyn, who went in
for the fairness of the world. sent his
boy home for a baseball, and then he
showed the meetin' that nuthin could
stick to it except on the very top. He
argued that if this world was round,
even spiked shoes wouldn't save the
people from falling off, and that the
roots Of every tree would have to be
drawn inside and clinched fast to sun
thin. The idea Of an ocean on a side
hill, with no water sloppin' over, was
too absurd for even babies.
The thirty men who were for the
roundness of the world all wanted to
speak at once as Henry got through,
but Philetus Taylor finally got the
floor and started in to make the splint-
ers fly. He claimed that the Bible, the
life of Captain Kidd, the Farmers Al
manac and dozen OF the books fur
nished indispu1able proof that the
world was round, but he had his own
personal experience to bank on. He
had watched his old spotted COW max
ing across the Jersey meadows in
search Of shade She gradually got
smaller and smaller, and the last thing
TO be seen Of her was whisk Of the
tail. He had known a rain-barrel or
a well to go dry in one night. That
was proof that the revolution Of the
earth had tipped 'em over. He had
woke up in the morning and found his
feet higher than his head, and who
could dispute that proof? AS TO why
the ocean ard lakes didn't spill over
be wesnt prepared to say, but would
look the matter up before he slept. In
closing. he confessed his utter sur
prise that men could be found in
Suuan Creek at that day so densely ig-
norant IS to believe with the heather
of Africa.
There wasn't any more speech
maxim or deNqtin'. Jim Logan, who
had always held to the idea that the