Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-10-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

now?'-Puck.
May Knott-'J did not think Jack
would marry" Dewitt "Neither
did he. He considered himself an
immune. Judge.
"Chollie is all right, but I think
his cables have been cut" "Cabies
cut!' eyes; he has no intelligence"
Indianapolis Journal.
She-"John, I'm sure there's bur-
glar downstairsw He-"Well, we
can tell by examining the silverware
in the morning!"--Puck.
He-"What is the use Of the bridal
veil, anyhow" She-"Why, it pre-
vents the man seeing that the woman
is laughing at him. .'-Yonkers States
man.
He-"Did your friend, the soprano,
ever reach high C?" She-"Yes,
one day while she was at tho dem
lists, 1 believe she did. "-Yonkers
Statesman.
Miss Frocks-"Mr. Spokes, do you
like Songs Without Wordsl'" Mr..
Spokes-"Well, L very much prefer
them to songs without sense. DO
troit Free Press.
Bride (breaking in at housekatp-
ingl-"What miserable little eggs
again! I Ireally must tell the grocer
to let the hens sit on them little
longer. ."-Roxbury Gazette.
Riprap-"The eyes are the windows
of the soul" Wigwag-"Then tho
soul of the man whose eyes have been
BACKED looks out of stained glass
windows. Detroit Free Press.
Mother-"Joe, why do you suppose
that old hen persists in laying in tho
coal-bin?" Joe-"Why, mother, [
think she has seen the sign Now is
the time to lay in your coal. Life.
New Cook-"Do ye put pertaties on
to boil in cold water or hot?" Old
Cook Grained by her mistress)-
"Phwich iver way is th' most throu-
BILE DO be TIL roight way" New York
Weekly.
George-"You would make a good
magician, Miss Sweetly." Miss
Sweetly (who has just promised to be
a sister to George)-"And how SOP"
George-"Slight of hand, you know"
Judge.
when man is angry he tells you
what he thinks of you" eyes, and
when q woman is angry she tells you
what she thinks of you and what
everybody else thinks of you. Chi
cago Record.
"What is the difference between
your teas?" Clerk-"In those of the
first quality some bad tea is mixed
with the good, and in those of the
second quality some good is mixed
with the bad" ."-Fliegende Blaetter.
Mamma-"What do you mean,
pounding your little brothers finger
with the hammer? "Well, cause
that's just what 1 did to mine, and
you said he must have everything Just
the same as 1 have. "-Harper's b.
Ear.
Proud Dame-"I do not see how
you could think of marrying into such
a commonplace family as that"
Romantic Daughter-"Oh! I'm not
going to marry into his family; he's
going to marry into my family. New
York Weekly.
Don't you think, Mr.. Spatts, that
your joke about the butter is getting
rather old and tirssome?" asked the
lady of the house. Gum, yes; it does
resemble the eggs somewhat" re-
sponded the kicker. = Philadelphia
North American.
Noah-"Are all the animals on
board?" Japhet-"All but two-the
ichthy-ichthy - gimme pencil
(writes ichthyosaurus and the pies
iosaurus) therel Noah (whispering)
"Don't say word about them; they
never will be missed. Puck.
Brown-'I don't understand it.
When I gave my lawyer the facts in
the case he decided it in five minutes. "
Jones-"Well?" Brown-"Well, when
it got into the courts it took the judges
three weeks TO decide the same points,
and they decided the other wayW-
Puck.
Freddy's Uncle--"Well, no, Freddy,
I don't think 1 care to swap knives
with you; you see there's history
goes with my knife" Freddy latter
a moment of sad refection) )-"Well,
Uncle Jack, there's Robinson Cru
soc goes with mine-how'll that do?"
Truth.
She-''You read your political
paper and I read my fashion journal.
L don't see WHY you object to what I
read" He-"There is great diff
ference. There is no additional ex-
pense when 1 read my paper, but as
soon as you read your paper you make
q break for some millinery store. -
Standard.