Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-02-02
SPINNING WHEEL

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"Yon are the celebrated Mr.. Chumlcy
Jones, | believer
THAT is my aame, sir What can 1 do
for you?"
well, Mr.. Jones, came to ask you
tor Your autograph
My autograph? Delighted, I'm sure.
have you any preference as to its form 2"
IF it's all the same to you, Mr.. Jones, /
should prefer it at the bottom of a check
for $50, made to the order of Snip & Cut
tum, tailors. You have the bill, be-
lieve. .'-Harper's Bazaar.
In a Virginia church the minister an
nounced that a collection would be taken
up to defray the cost of coal for heating
the church. Everybody contributed but
John -, who gave a sly wink as the
plate was presented to him, but nothing
else. The minister noticed Johns derelic-
ton, but surmised that he might have left
his money at home. A similar contribution
fore, everyone gave except John, who
looked sly. The minister wondered, and
after services took his parishioner to task
"Now, John,'' said he, "why didn't you
give something, if it was but little?'
''Ha, ha, l know BETTER" said John
slyly.
eyes, Mr.. ="
"What do you mean?"
''Oh nothing. Just that l kin see your
little game; that's all"
"John, your words are disrespectful and
require an explanation. What dc you
mean?"
sob, now, a-trying to pull the wool over
my eyes, a-trying to make us believe you
want the money to buy coal to heat the
church, when you know it's heated by
steam. baltimore Sun.
Mark Twain, in 'More Tramps
Abroad" tells how he lied out of con-
troversy about Scottish dialect. In a dis
cussion with some strange Scots, he re-
marked that the peasantry pronounced
three three" and not "thraw.11 There
was a moment of astonished and Ominous
silence, then weather ensued. 1t was a
bad defeat for me. 1t promised to re-
main so, but | had a saving thought.
While the storm was still raging, | made
up a Scotch couplet, and then spoke up
and said: Very well, don't say any
more; l confess defeat. l thought l
ceived by one Of your Scotch poets. "A
Scotch poet! Oh, come! Name him.
Robert Burns 1t is wonderful the
power of that name. These men looked
doubtful-but paralyzed, all the same.
They were quite silent for a moment;
"
ence in his voice which is always pres
ent in a Scotchman's tone when he ut
tiers the name: Does Robbie Burns say
what does he say?' This is what he
says:
There VISA nae BARNS but only three
One at the breast, twa at the knee
1t ended the discussion. There was no
man there prOfane enough to say any
word against thing which Robert Burns
had settled. There are people who think
that honesty is always the best policy.
This is a superstition"
'Sadeye is a man 1 admire. He and
Butts had been bad friends for year;
but when he heard that Butts wife was
offered his sympathy" Gum! You are
probably not aware that Sadeye has gone
into the undertaker's business" -Phila-
delphia North American.
At school in the vicinity of the gar
bage furnace in Pittsburg a recent read
ing lesson was on the uses of the palm
tree. One of the boys, says the Chroni-
cle-Telegraph, who is not a very good
reader, had the following sentence to
read: sometimes you get from the palm
tree dish which is very good and tastes
like cabbage"
The boy read: Sometimes you get
from the palm tree dish which is very
good and tastes like-like-" And then
the boy stopped, spelled out the word
with his finger, and concluded, tastes
like garbage"
There was a shout of laughter, and
even the teacher had to use a handker-
chief to cover a broad smile, for in that
vicinity the children are familiar with
garbage and its annoyances.
no
dle-aged colored woman to do some
house-cleaning. During the progress of
the work Mrs. k said: ga colored
man came along here one day last week
and wanted work, and I let him wash
some windows, but he did not do the
work at all we'll" "What fo' lookin'
man was hep asked the helper. "Well,
but one eye. He said that his name was
White He did very poor work. II
specs he did, lady. He's de wus no.
him?'' Know him? Why, lady, rs
mahied to 'im!'-Harper's Bazaar
81 see that they have put sounding
board at the back of the minister's pull
pit" said Baron; what do you suppose
that's for?"
Egbert replied why, it's to throw
out the sound"
Gracious" said Baron, eff you throw
out the sound there wouldn't be anything
left to the sermon Boston Traveller.
-:o:-
There is in the war department archives
the application of man who wanted tc
be an army chaplain during the admins
tration of President. Lincoln. Attached
to it are a number of endorsements which
are interesting as disclosing the charac-
ters of two men whose influence largely
nodded the policy of the government in
those turbulent times. The endorsements
read as follows. Dear Stanton: Appoint
this man chaplain in the army.--A. Lin
coin. Dear Mr.. Lincoln: He is not
preacher.-E. NJ. Stanton. The following
endorsements are dated a few months
later, but come just below: Dear Stanton:
He is NOVA. Lincoln. Dear Mr.. Lin
coin: But there is no vacancy-E. NJ
Stanton. Dear Stanton: Appoint him
chaplain at large.-A. Lincoln. Dear Mr..
Lincoln: There is no warrant of law for
that-E. NJ. Stanton. Dear Stanton: APP
pont him. anyhow.-A. Lincoln. Dear
Mr.. Lincoln: | will not.-E. M. Stanton.
The appointment was not made, but the