The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1898-02-25
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

"Now. Charles. let US make list of
your debts" "One moment. dear uncle,
till | have filed up your inkstand."-Tit-
Bits.
Visitor-"Pat says he's descended from
some of the greatest houses in Ireland
Mike-"Musha, So he did many tonne
on ladder!'-Tit-Bits
Julia-"Did you say Jeanette is trying
to get into business" Jennie-"Yes. -
What kind OF business does she want to
get into?' "Everybody's." 49, Youker 5
Statesman.
Not Unreasonable upposition.-Neast--
Where do they get the gold leaf from?
,Crimsonbeak-Oh L believe they gather
them from the trees out at the klondke.
-Ionkers Statesman.
~ find $l2 a high price for this parrot,
/ suppose he speaks a good dcal"' mo,
not at all, but he understands every
thing. "-I'liogcnde Batter
Willis-"Parkcr's salary was doubled n
short time ago, so | hear" Wallace
"Nes, it was; but it got him in lots of
trouble" Willis-"How's that" Wal
lace-"His wife found it Out."-Town
Topics.
Maud is going to give the Sunday
school Christmas tree a lovely doll with
real hair. Isn't it just like her?"
at isn't Just like her if it has real hair"
indianapolis Journal.
Two newsboys in the gallery witness a
performance of Hamlet" In the last
scenes, after Hamlet has killed Laertes
and the King, and the Queen has died of
poison and Hamlet OF a poisoned wound,
one of the newsboys eXclaims: "Jim
what a time that must have been for eX-
ira pecials!'-Tit-Bits.
nformation.--"This," said the little
boy who was showing his eastern rela-
tives the suburban beauties Of Chicago
sis the park that General jackson was
named aftcr."-Chicago Tribune.
Another Clever Woman.-"My wife can
tell what time 1t is in the middle OF the
night when it is pitch dark" "How does
she do it?" She makes me get up and
look at the clock. Chicago Record.
81 hear that the crowd hooted you when
you appeared at the Pedlington Theater
Royal" False, me boy, false" replied
the eminent tragedian. "All false. There
was no crowd. "-lIousehold Words.
Stranger.-"I notice this handsome
apartment house is illuminted, and there
are sounds of reverly within. What is
it? A grand wedding?' Resident-"Ho,
sir. The janitor's funeral."-New York
Weekly.
Disappointed in His Boy.-"Smith's Just
about discouraged trying to make some
thing out of that boy of his"
"Yes?"
II saw him today, and he told me he
ball team the boy plays in, ana lost it
ALL L"-Detroit Journal
"No ternative,-"Don't leave the
table" said the landady as her new
bOarder rose from his scanty breakfast.
II must, madam. It's hard wood, and my
teeth are not what they used to be-
Detroit Free Press.
Maslstrate-"'rhe gamekeeper declares
that he saw you take this pheasant.
What have you TO say to that?" Prls-
oner-"l only took it for a lark" Magis-
trate-"Six months for making such an
ornithologioal orror.'.Tit-Bit
When Lord Dufferin was Viceroy of
India, he had a "shikarry." or sporting
servant whose special duty was to at
tehu the vlsltCrs at the vice-regal court
on their shooting excursions. Returning
one day from one OF these expeditions,
the "shikarry" encountered the Viceroy,
who, fun of courteous sohcitude for his
guests enjoyment, asked: "WeIl, what
sort of sport has Lord --- had?" "Oh,"
replied the scrupulously polite Indian,
'the young Sahib shot divinely, but God
was very merciful to the birds. "-Ex-
change.
At a. m.-"Who is It? What do you
want?"
Voice from without { ITS Willie (hie).
grandma, forgot (hc) latch key"
Goodness me, how much that dear