The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-11-03
People Who Appeal to Mr.. Smith
for Advice.
A LADY WITH A LIZARD
A Blind woman's Search for Q Pet.
sympathy Wasted On h vorac-
ity OF Many Animals-The
Unsuitable Monkeys.

American sonora with a lizard. And
when the lady and the lizard are out
OF the way, it's a man with an elephant
up his sleeve. And when the man finds
he can't get free board for his elephant
In the Zoo. why. some kind-hearted
woman begins to have qualms about
the monkeys. And so IL goes.
The South American sonora was real
ly In a bad way. She appeared in Mr..
Smiths ONCE ont day arrayed in much
gorgeous apparel. including an eight
inch lizard. The lizard. in its turn.
wore a gold collar to which was at
tached a fine gold chain. The enora
was stopping at a swell hotel which
had all the modern c~onveniences. ex-
cept a private table for lizards. even
when accompanied by ladies. Also, IL
was such a well kept hotel that only
two or three emaciated flies strayed
into the senora's apartments In the
course OF the day. and these never by
n chance went within swapping dis
lance of he lizards jaws.
The sonora was In despair. The liz
ard was presumably the same. But
South Americans with lizards wearing
Aguinaldo lila are equal to such
emergencies. The sonora hired three or
four messenger boys m gave them the
most novel assignment OF their lives.
She sent them around to various sta
bles with orders to catch flies for the
lizard. -Four happier messenger boys
were seen in New York. Would
they catch flies? Well. wouldn't they?
IL was fun for the boys n the most
literal kind of a soft snap for the liz
ard. But after a few days of paying
the bills. even South American prodi-
gality wavered over the scheme.
Then the sonora went to Mr.. Smith to
pour her troubles into his ear. She
wanted to know II there wasn't any
cheaper method OF conserving the ex-
istence of a lizard In New York. Her
pet was costing her SO or SIS a week.
She had not known before hat flies
were a luxury I'm New York. Couldn't
she provide some inexpensive dainty.
like sweetbreads or fate de foie gras,
instead of flies? Mr.. Smith wanted to
tell her that there are hotels I'm New
York where lizards could fare sumptu-
ously on flies every day without hav-
ing a retinue of m~essenger-boy catch
ers. But he r~efrained. and the m
sadly away to take charge OF the
last relay OF flies from the outside com
missary department.
When people don't find II convenient
TO call personally on Mr.. Smith, that
does not discourage them. They write
to him. Some OF these letters are
amusing. some of them are pathetic.
One OF h pathetic letters came from
old lady who was almost blind. She
all alone I'm the world. and things
weren't very hilarious with her at the
best. She wanted somebody. something.
for a companion. a pet. She wrote to
Mr.. smith in a most unhappy strain.
She had tried one pet after another,
but her neighbors, who had families
and friends enough TO make life cheer
full, had systematically made away
with her substitutes in his line. They
poisoned her birds and drowned her
and shot her dogs and abducted
her rabbits to a fate h shuddered to
think OF.
The old lady. like the sonora. i'm her
difficulty was in despair. and she. too.
to Mr.. Smith. Her doctor, she
,aid. advised squirrels. She didn't know
about squirrels herself. and would
Mr.. Smith tell her whether he thought
hat squirrels would please the neigh
,ors? The neighbors were so hard TO
,lease-though she had noticed an un-
isuel cheerfulneshs among them after
disappearance Of the rabbits. Alas!
Mr. Smith answered the letter kindly
md advised a gentle. intelligent dog.
He thought that the previous unfortu-
ate dogs might not have had these two
qualities.
Not all of the letters which Mr.. smith
'eceives are answered. and there are
several reasons for this. One OF them
3 that he has estimated what his an
,ual postage bill would be. and he
'laces IL at $500. He takes this oppor-
unity. therefore. OF explaining why he
las failed TO write TO all the ladies who
applied to him for advice as to
he care OF dumb parrots. shrieking
n parrots hat never speak
kept when spoken to: of canary birds
hat will not sing m OF those that will
lot stop singing; OF alligators hat pine
way and of pug dogs hat threaten to
xplode with fairness: OF NANCY cats
nd lame dogs and blind horses and sick
quirrels and bucking goats and lang
lizards and-well. the ladies
the rest better than Mr..
'mith does.
Speaking OF squirrels. II was an army
at Governors Island who wrote
skiing Mr.. Smith III he wouldn't catch
lot of Central park squirrels and send
hem down to the island. Mr.. Smith
think. however. that "A squirrel
has been started yet over at
he island.
long in June. when people are going
ut OF town for the summer and a ca
larry bird or a kitten becomes an ele-
'hanto on ones hands. then the woman
lies herself to the park and wants Mr..
smith to keep her pet while she IL out
Il town. But Mr.. Smith refers her to
he bird stores. Central park would
with birds and beasts IL he re-
all hat came. II the animal or
'ird offered Is wort anything for exhi-
to the public, Mr.. Smith accepts
/ on conditions that II be allowed TO re-
main In the menagerie six onths In
his way the park gets some return for
the animal. Severa OF the an
mails in the park belong to Mr.. Bailey.
,ut as they have beer there from two
o eight years. Inc as some others have
,een presented outright To the park.
he commissioners get a good return for
he accommodation they give.
Letters complaining that the animals
ire not properly treated arrive almost
iaily TO add to Mr.. Smiths happiness.
sometimes they come to him personally.
they go TO the president of
he park board. and sometimes the willy
send them TO the Society for
he Prevention of Cruelty TO Animals.