davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

The Court-~What's the charge against
this MANI
Oficer-''Disturbing the peace of a
whist congress. He snored during the
proceedings. North American
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Fun seems ali the funnier when coming
from the Quakers, because it is unlocked
for, and in contrast with their usual So
briefly. For instance, what could be fun
nier than the method used by Nicholas
Vain, a gifted minister of the Friends,
who lived in Philadelphia during the last
century, to mOrtify the carnal pride of his
wife! The story, as told in the Christian
Standard, is as follows:
The wife of Nicholas Vain was an only
daughter, and for those days possessed a
very large inheritance. She thought it
would be suitable to her wealth and sta
ton 70 have a footman behind her car
riage. This wish being frequently eX-
pressed, her husband at last promised to
comply with it.
Accordingly the next time the carriage
was ordered for the purpose of making a
stylish call, she was gratifed to see a
footman mounted. When she arrived at
her place of designation, the door of the
carriage was opened, and the steps let
down IN very obsequious manner by
the new footman. and great was her sur
prise and confusion to recognize in him
her own husband.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

asked him point-blank: did you cut
the cow?' The effect was startling.
With blancheG face and Quivering lips,
the accused stared in agony at the court
and stammered: 'Mein Colt, shudge. |
can't tell you q lie. l know l shall GO
indie he'll if lido. I cut dot ow."-Case
and Comment
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Halls Catarrh Cure
Is a constitutional cure. Price rs cents.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Barthe, the French dramatic author.
was SO completely wrapped up in the CON
often strangely insensible of the wants
and woes of others.
Calling once upon a friend whose opin-
ion he wished to have regarding his new
comedy, he found him dying, but, not
withstanding, proposed to read the play.
Consider said the man, 81 have not
more than an hour to live"
AYE" replied Barthe, ''but I assure
you that this Will occupy only half that
time. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

First Deaf Mute-"%He wasn't so very
angry, was he"' Second Deaf Mute
HE was so mad that the words he used
almost blistered his fingers. "-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Entering a diapers shop, tramp said,
Il don't see what l want-can l ask for
it,"
Certainly" was the reply.
Il am tired and thirsty, and want two
pence"
Admitting his cheek, the shopwalker
gave it to him.-Tit-Bits.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

In his anger he reproached his wife
with neglecting her home.
Club, forsoothr' he bitterly exclaimed
"And the baby hasn't been weighed for
a week.
She was manifestly touched with re-
morse, for she tore her hair and promised
to do better.-Detroit Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Mr.. F'izzington is quite lingust, isn't
he?"
Z never knew it,
oh, yes, he talks three languages"
What are they %
Horse, baseball and golf Chicago
News.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

William Potts is engaged as a window
cleaner at a certain big hotel in London.
One morning William, instead of doing
his work, was amusing himself by read
ing the paper, and, as bad luck would
have it, the manager looked in.
whats this?' he said.
William was dumfounded.
Pack up your things and CO." said the
manager. SO poor William Potts went to
the office, drew the money which was
owing to him and then went upstairs and
put on his Sunday clothes.
Coming down he went to say goodbye
TO some of the other servants, and there
he happened to run across the manager
who didn't recognize him in his best coat
DO you want job?' asked the man
ager.
Eyes, sir" said William.
Can you clean windows!
Eyes, SIR
''You look a handy sort of chap I only
gave the last man 22s, but I'll give you
Dos
Thank you, sir" said William, and in
half an hour he was back in the same old
room-cleaning the window this time,
and not reading the paper.-EXchange
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Attorney lsternly)-''The witness will
please state if the prisoner was in the
habit of whistling when alone"
Witness-''I don't know. I was never
with the prisoner when he was alone.'-
Tit-Bits.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Sappington-'I once came within an
ace of making $500" De Quincy-'How
so?' Sappington-''It was a game of
poker: what | needed was the ace of dia-
mOndS. Judge
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

King Frederick William the Third was
very sparing of words, as is we'll known,
but one day he was told there was at
Toplitz, where he was then drinking the
waters, Hungarian magnate still less
talkative than the King. An opportunity
for a meeting was soon managed. and the
following conversation took place. the
King beginning: -'Bathing?" Drink
ing" "Solder?'' millionaire" Good"
'Policeman| "King." Compliments -
San Francisco Argonaut.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

The costliest flag in New York can be
seen in the window of a Broadway jew
eler. 1t represents an outlay of $4,000.
This flag is made of diamonds, rubies
and sapphires. 1t is very small for its
worth-only seven by four inches-but
it looks big to the people who stop to size
it up. 1t has ID stripes and ~ stars.
The white stripes are of small diamonds,
800 of them. The red stripes, of course,
are of rubies, the same in number and
size as the diamonds, but for the blue
field are about 800 sapphires, with AZ
diamonds for stars
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-05-25

Claude-''I thought you were not going
to pay more than $50 for a Wheel
Maud-'I didn't mean to when I went
into the store, but he said if I'd take the
$50 wheel, he would let me have a dollar
pump for 9S cents. indianapolis Jour
nal.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-02
For q Big Bicycle Show.

Now that wheelmen and wheelwomen
cannot cycle so much in the open air, their
desire for a grand exhibition of new bicy.
cles is stronger than ever. 1t was said last
fall that one or more cycle shows would
probably be held in this city some time in
January, but the public was told that
comparatively few manufacturers would
take part in them, and that, therefore, they
would be less interesting than those in the
past. The National Board of Trade of
Cycle Manufacturers declared that a large
majority of the wheel makers of the coun.
try were unwilling to join in reestablish-
ing the elbows because of their great ex.
pense, and the board consequently refused
to sanction the undertaking.
1t appears, nevertheless, that many of the
manufacturers favor the idea of repeating
the shows this winter o. early in the spring,
and in that view of the matter public senti-
ment heartily concurs. The younger bicy-
Gle concerns, it is averred, are especially de-
sirous of an opportunity to display their
machines side by side with those better
known in the trade. That privilege has been
enjoyed heretofore, and the proposition
that it shall be denied this year has caused
more or less disappointment. And, if re-
ports are true, some of the older and more
prominent manufacturers nave changed
their minds and would like to see the
shows which were 30 popular throughout
the country last winter repeated in Febru-
airy or March.
Last fall 1t looked as II the new features
In the bicycles of 1893 would be very few.
II NJ tban thnunbt that -. A..
general introduction OF chainless models,
the new wheels would not be materially
changed. At that time nothing was heard
of chainless machines that would sell for
less than 800 or 1925. During the last WI
months, however, 1t has been announced
that the 1928 chainless are by no means to
be the only wheels Of that variety. 1t is
said that one maker will sell chainless
machines for as low rs $36, and another
for $50 or $40. But the chain.driven
bicycles, with which pedallers are more
familiar, have also undergone numerous
changes. Frames are shaped differently;
Joints are made in unusual ways; the posi-
tion of saddles has been somewhat altered;
handle bars nave changed their shape;
tires said to be tougher and more resilient
have been brought out a great variety of
brakes have been devised, and the lessen
Ing of vibration has received special atten-
tion. There are also lanterns, cyclometers,
bells, mud guards. n gear-case attach
ments of designs new to the public.
In fact. probably more changes of a no.
ticeable character have been made in bicy-
Giles since last summer than during any
other period of the same length since the
safety's first appearance. 1t is doubtless
true, also, that the people who are to-day
interested In the bicycle are twice as many
as they were a year ago.
If 1t is deemed unwise by the National
Board to hold shows in all of the large
cities of the United States this year, what
Is to prevent having one surprisingly
grand exhibition in New York, say some
time In February If the enthusiasm
created by former bicycle shows in this city
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-02
The Defeat of Pando.

The year went out with a serious military
reverse for the Spaniards In Cuba. A lead
ing feature of the new operations under
taken by Gen. BLANCo was IN expedition
into eastern Cuba, where the patriots main.
ton, and are comparatively little troubled
by Spanish troops. The moral effect Of Q
successful expedition into this part of tho
island, with which to signalize the new
campaign, was deemed sufficient to justify
attempting it.
But there seems to be no doubt whatever
that the effort has resulted in failure. Pro-
ceeding to the south coast Of east Cuba,
Gen. PANDo essayed a series of military
operations at the mouth of the Cauto River,
having both troops and gunboats to aid
him. But the forces of CALIxTo GARCIA
promptly checked him, and, baf1ed at
every point, he was compelled, as our de.
spatches n~arrate. to give up his campaign;
and. at the last news, he had himself re-
turned from the front to Santiago de Cuba.
This affair may well have a discouraging
effect on the Spanish campaign. 1t will
suggest to the Sagasta Government that
the fundamental trouble of the past was
not WEYLER's %incapacity as a soldier, but
the fact that the patriots, aided by the
difficulties which the island presents to
campaigning, by their own superior knowl-
edge of 1t. and by the friendliness of the
population to their cause. can always with
stand the efforts of Spanish armies far
superior in numbers.
The lesson of PANDo's defeat is, in short,
that Cuba cannot be conquered while the
patriots stand together as they nave hith.
erto stood.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-02
Education in Hawaii.

One of the objections to the admission of
the Hawaiian Islands to the Union Is the
alleged illiteracy of the inhabitants and
their consequent inability to appreciate
American institutions. How little ground
there is for this assertion is shown In a
timely article contributed to the January
Forum by Mr.. HENRY SCHUYLER TOWNSEND,
the Hawaiian Inspector-G General of Schools.
The facts and figures set forth by him may
surprise even those who are aware that an
educational movement was started In the
islands by American missionaries three
quarters Of a century age.
1t is significant that the first book ever
printed In Hawaii was a schoolbook, which
appeared on Jan. z, 1922. Before three
years had passed, two thousand Hawaiians
had learned to read, and a system of com
mon schools was spreading rapidly over the
island. Each native chief sent the most
proficient scholars in his retinue to act as
teachers on his lands, and his tenants were
ordered to receive instruction. That this
system soon acquired efficiency is evident
from the fact that, in the early days of Cali
fornia, American children were sent from
San Francisco to Honolulu, because,
80 tAS totNSA pih'S thSy SOuiu a.
better educational advantages. AS early
rs 1910 a Hawaiian law provided for a
school wherever parents, having fifteen or
more children of school age, shout. live
close together. From that time to this
education has received careful attention at
the hands of the legislative bodies. The
present compulsory education law requires
all children between the ages of q and Is
TO attend school during the entire school
year. Some of the statistics bearing on this
matter In the new census report merit no.
tiGe. We find, for instance, that the whole
number of children within school age was
14,2S8, and that, of these, 00.20 per cent.
attended public school. There were but
TIA Portuguese children of school age, but
the percentage of attendance was SO. 40; of
the lat japanese children no fewer than
04.bb per cent. attended school, and of
the 665 Chinese children. the percentage OF
attendance was 02.4S. 1t will be, of course.
understood that almost all of the Japanese
now resident in the islands are adults. Let
us lool; now at some of the data relating to
literacy. OF Hawaiians over six years old.
there arc 2G,+95, of whom s3.97 per cent.
can read and write. In the case of part
Hawaiians, who number $685., the per.
centaRc OF literacy Is even larger. OF the
$3.50 Portuguese, PISA per cent. can read
and write; of the 22,ls0 japanese, $3.50
per cent; OF the 1887 Chinese, 4s.47 per
cent; even OF the 407 South Sea Islanders,
more than 40 per cent can read and write.
We add that, during last year. there was
an average gain In school attendance of IL
per cent.
As regards the na~tionalities of teachers,
Mr.. TOWNSEND, quoting from the as yet
unpublished report of the Minister of Pub.
lie Instruction, shows that, of a total of
ISL teachers, there are 81 Hawaiian, 80
part Hawaiian, 226 American, 70 British,
Ger@A7 o French. 8 Scandinavian. 10
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-02
a Teachers Side or the hoard or Education
Matter.

To THE EDrToR OF THE BuH-SiS: Regarding the
probable removal early In 1893 Of certain members
of the Board OF Education permit me. an old teacher,
to make o few remarks. Our School Commissioners,
estinable as they doubtless are In their private lives,
DO not enjoy the entire confidence Of an important
class of public employees. namely, the teachers. For
the past two years tho instructors In our city schools
have not experienced many evidences of approval or
sympathy from the Commissioner. Citizens of other
States than New York now hold lucrative life tenure
positions by favor Of ofncials quite blind TO the
meritS of metropolitan residents. but thor.
oughly wide awake in recognizing the pedagogio
qualifications of candidates from the rural
districts Of New Jersoy. West Virginia, and
Massachusetts. Under former administrations tho
superntendents and principals employed to direct
and control tho city schools were invariably selected
from the ranks Of the teachers of New York, and OK.
oellent homemade material was always available.
Not until the Strong School Board came into ofice
was the precedent established OF seeking in distant
localities for men TO administer the chief onices con-
trolled By the Commissioner. The nrst attempt In
this direction became ahortiye when President GIL.
q q = candidate for pcciitt city supsrintend eSa' In op no : sraoa
70 the present efncient incumbent. Mr.. John Jasper.
stated. TO q certain extent suocsssfui.
several ms@bers Of tshs Board do. 3 E q esnei se inelud,
ing hessrs, aoriarty. o'Hrien. McB,rron: and Living.
election OF 1894. The dHposed Commissioner were
men OF high character and recognized ability. They
had been connected with the school syEtem for many
years, and had performed their oficlal duties with
credit to themselves and with advantage to the com.
munity. Their removal was not decided upon. the
Mayor said. because they were unworthy citizens or
incompstent Commissioners. but for thu simple rea.
son that they were Democrats IL sympathy with the
Van Wyck should determine on Dispensing with the
!eryices OF the +" reform y Commissioners. lie can. fol.
lowing the example OF his Immediate prederesaor,
Justify his action by pointing TO the popular mandate
Of last November, and the new Mayor can rest assured
that the vast majority OF his fellow citiyeuR inclnd.
ing 80 per cent. OF the public school teachers Of New
York city, will heartily approve and applaud the
omclRl decapltation OF MIR. Strongs "reforners."
A VETERAN TEACHER.
NEW YoRK, Dec. ~, 1897,
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-02

A Joint committee Of representatives Of
the municipal government and of various com.
mercial organizations Of Chicago has drawn up
. memorial asking Congress to improve the
Chicago River. To that memorial, however
eloquent, Congress will have to turn a deaf ear.
Tho Chicago River is incapable Of improvement.
It is the perfection Of Its kind. It 10 tho one
solid chunk OF fragrance known to geography
and tho universal nose. 1t Is tho eighth. ninth.
tenth, eleventh. and twelfth wonder Of tho
world. The iconoclRsts must not be allowed to
interfere with II. 1t has improved itself accord
ing to its needs. and was never moro worthy Of
itself than It 10 to-day. Other rivers have talent;
the Chicago has q genius which must be r-
npectad.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-02

Portuguese, ~ Chinese, and 10 Of other
nationalities. Among the foreign teachers
are to be found In considerable number
graduates Of such universities and colleges
as Harvard, Yale, Cornell, Amherst, Wcs-
leyan, and oberlin, together with gradu-
atcs OF osweRo and the California
State normal schools. OF late there
has been established in Hawaii q school OF
higher pedagogy, to which only graduates
of colleges or State normal schools, or those
possessed Of equivalent qualifications, are
admitted. A normal and training school
has also been organized, and Is attended by
nearly fifty students; the specific work OF
this institution Is to prepare instructors to
teach the children Of their Owl people,
80 as to lessen the number Of foreign
teachers. 1t is to be noted that, In all the
Hawaiian schools, although English Is
the mother tongue Of but 8 per cent.
Of the pupils, yet 1t is practically the only
language used as ar instrument Of lnstruc-
ton. The result is that the English
language is coming into use as a means Of
communication among the graduates of
the public schools, many Of whom have no
other language in common Thus Is Eng
iioh NiScpllk III Oho hohiSo u OhO pVophOs
We observe, next, that expenditures for
the public schools of Hawaii for the cur
rent biennial period are at the rate of $2.17
per capita Of population per annum, as
against $2.47 in the United States. These
expenditures in Hawaii, however. owing to
the abnormally small percentage of children
in the population. amount to $23.3 SO per cap
ita of school attendance. as against $1s.45
In the United States. We should mention,
finally, that Hawaii pays for tuition $3.50
per capita of attendance, as against $11.76
in the United States. In fact, no less than
73 per cent. of the total cost Of the public
schools is paid for tuition, whereas in the
United States we apply only "a per cent.
to that purpose.
No one disputes that Hawaii, with its
heterogeneous population, is confronted
with peculiar and difficult educational
problems; but the facts brought out by
Mr.. TOWNSEND prove that a quick and
effective method of solving them has been
adopted.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-02
Where Honor IL Due.

a The development Of New York into the
second capital of the world, as 1t has 10Y
become, was tho conception of ANDREW II.
GREEN. With great ability, ~tireless indus
try, and inexhaustible patience, he labored
through many years for the realization of
che creation Of his fertile imagination, and
happily he has lived to see his dream full
Allied in fact. All honor to him!
Mr.. GREEN received sympathy, encour-
agement, and effective assistance from
JAMES S. T. STRANAHAN Of Brooklyn. He,
too, though weighted with years far beyond
! Che number usually allotted to man, has
lived to see and celebrate the birth Of the
new and greater New York.
4 The credit and The honor Of the accom-
fplishment of the consolidation Of the COM
munities about the port of New York by
actual legislative enactment belong, how
ever, to THOMAS COLLIER PLATT. Against
the obstacle Of the narrow bourgeois spirit
which has always resisted the progress Of
this great city. Mr.. PLAT persisted stead
Easily In his powerful efforts to push for
ward the execution of a project whose in
ealculable advantages appeared then SO
clearly to every statesmanlike vision and
" III dpDCo hoO uiobluCIly " ~
the citizens of New York five years hence.
Contemplate envy and jealousy and the
malice of revengeful political rivals have
c~onspired In all reptilian and venomous
ways to divert the attention Of the people
from the inestimable services rendered to
this city, this State, and even this whole
republic by Mr.. PLAT but eventually the
Bense of justice which resides in the public
mind will give him the great need of honor
and praise which Is his due.
Mr.. PLAT made possible the creation Of
the New York as it is to be for the future.
Because of his courage and pertinacity
there has been established in this State a
principle of liquor Legislation which will
remain permanently. The Raines law, so
called, may possibly be modified in some Of
Its details, but the principle on which 1t is
based will not be discarded. 1t has been SO
successful as a revenue producing law that
no party will dare to destroy 1t. 1t has
taken the saloon out of politics, released it
from bondage to a partial, whimsical, or
corrupt excise board, and generally carried
forward the legislative treatment and regu-
lation of the liquor traffic far beyond all
previous experience in this State.
In national politics the credit obtained
by the Republicans for the positive declara-
tion in favor of gold in the st. Louis plat
form was due chiefly to the political sagac-
ity, %soundness of financial principle. and
practical courage of Mr.. PLAT.
These are facts, and it Is a mean spirit
only which refuses to recognize them as
emitting Mr.. PLATT to distinction among
those who have rendered the highest SER
vices to the republic. That honor is his due
especially from the people of this COM
munity, the great centre of American
wealth and civilization, and from all of
them without regard to partisan divisions.