Arizona republican., 1898-10-07
MR. COOLEY ON THE
 SPANISH WAKE.

Whln tn war was goin began MT. Hennessy.
 Sure" said Mr. Dooley, 'tis not over yet. 'TiS Q to outlast both you an me, h,nnissy. 'Iwas me sim pie mind that med me think that whin wan iv tn parties to a ruetion had lost both legs an an ar-rm twas over but tn coroner's inquest. I didn't figure on tn. wake because 'tis not etiket east iv tn dumps fir tn man that caused tn wake f'r to jine in tn ifs tivities Be tn looks iv this case twill be long time between tn death iv tn l deceased an th' funeral. We're in f'r much socyal festivities that may r-round up in us goin' to tn fiure with tn rilitives W tn late departed, whin you an me, Hinnissy, thought we had no more wurruk to do but to walk of with his joolry.
 i "Mack's tn la-ad that knows tn eti ket iv these occasions. Iris not his way ! to Trace hor-rse to tn cimitry He i in Pahrs, where life is wan continyal r-round iv pleasure. Tn guests firm this side goes over with their families an tn rayporther scrambles up tn side iv tn ship befure they lave, an, says he: Mrs ex-Sicrety iy Agricul- ture Zeke K. Jessop iv Oklahoma he says, do ye mind to do amy shoppin' in Phar's. an do ye think we ought to take tn Philippines or cook thim into a shirtwaist?' he says. Mrs. ex-Sic- rety iv Agriculture Zeke K. Jessop smiles vi-vaciously an says she: I don't know what to think, she says. l But I'm pr-rcud.' she says, 'as I often tell me husband she says, 'an' if we don't get tn Philippines she says, I'll get a bonnet that'n make tn Omaha hat iv th' wife iv tn mayor iv Guthrie look like Chinese money shs says.
 An thin they're off-an' in Pahr's they're met be tn prisidint iv France an tn sicrety iv state an Cap Dreyfus an all tn la-ads an carrid off to break fast-an' that's tn same as dime. with you an me, Hinrissy-an' they meet tn rilitiyes iv tn deceased. They 'se lashins an lashins to dhrink. Iris iX- pinsive, but they don't wake Spain in porther or ale, Hinnissy. They wake him in dhrink that there hasn't been bottle iv in this wa-ard since tn h. dyans was here.
 An afther breakfast they set around an smoke their good tin-cent see-gars an thin it's off to tn Mullin Rouge, which is a kind iv a theaytre, or tn cave iv tn ambassadors, which seems to be a basement saloon where tn pclyticians ar-re to be found. At night they'se a bankit give be tn pres idint iv France an things to dhrink, an ivrybody has a good time an tn rilitives iv tn remains puts up a good keen about himsilf bein' a dacint man but very poor, an 'twoCd be a shame fir to take his clothes an thin all go over to tn Roo Royal, that's like Clark lsthreet, an have tn time iv their lives.
 How long will it last? Iris ques- tion of the food supply. Twill go on till lthey'se nawthin' left to cook, an thim French ar-re that handy they cud make a New England billed dinner out iv cup iv wather an a lotthry ticket. But I wish twas over. Not because 'tis ixpinsive. I've quit ccmplainin' since I heerd Mack was goin' to make a wake, not an inquest out iv it. An not because I want to know whether we have tn Philippines or not I'm that tired iv tn Philippines I'd sell me int'rest in thim fir a pair iy rubber boots an I niver go out whin it rains on account iv me rheumatism. But I'd give tn prica iv kh' quarther's license to be able to close Up me place an go down to tn deepO an see what Mrs. Zeke K Jesscp iv Oklahoma done in tn way iv hat. I'll bet ye that no matther how we come out iv tn wake, that good woman'll capture lid that'll make tn farmers between here an tn Platte river think a burnin' ile thrain is goin' through tn coulthry."