Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1898-06-15

ana shouted, "WhOop la This is the
happiest moment of my life, and I'd
sooner hug schoolmarm than ever hold
another Office. Why it almost makes
me cry to think how greedy / was.
didn't know when l had enough, but
thanks to this good man SchlatterI now
see the error of my ways and henceforth
If any man wants to do me q favor, or
retain my friendship, let him not set up
a job to get me back into politics."
That's the way to talk, Sammy"
said Lew" Scott, slspping him on the
back, "and Pm with you, too. I'd
sooner go out in the Court House yard
and pick potato-bugs for Sam. Kirby
that to ever hold another office. You
couldn't hire me to touch one even if it
was covered with red hot fish hooks. No
Sir, no more for me"
| Lew" Donnelly then threw his check
book overheard, off the Pier, and told
Capt. Sorcho to blow it up with a tor
pedo. 81 shall never need it any more"
said Lew" "Ob, that had been cured
of the unholy desires used to harbOr,
before the last City election struck the
town. Schlatter ought to have been
here year ego. 1t would have saved
me and Stoy heap of trouble and lots
of cold cash."
George Long said, 81 was never SO
happy in all my life, were you Sam"
and he hugged "Father" Sam. Rose
until his bones cracked. ''No indeed,
George" said "Father" Sam. "Here-
after we can look street-paving con-
tract in the face, or a water meter, or q
Boardwalk pavilion, and never have
the slightest desire to monkey with
them. Oh this is a large afternoon,
George, and don't you forget it,"
"Who would have thought that this
little long g-haired man, Schlatter, could
have so completely knocked all political
aspirations out of me-" said Harry
Leeds. "Ten minutes ago, would have
eaten my shirt to have been nominated
for Senator. Now, I'd click" sheet
iron jackass that would propose such
thing"
Gentlemen of the jury" said Judge
Endicott, "You have heard the evidence,
and you must decide, after brief instruc-
tions from the Court. If you find the
preponderance of testimony in favor of
my having held all the offices l could
get, beg you to remember that there
are mitigating circumstances and all
other things being equal, it is your duty
to give me the benefit of the doubt. The
Constable will now lock you up and
there will be no beer nor gingerbread
until you bring in a verdict. All, oh,
excuse me gentlemen My mind was
over at Mays Landing and l forgot, for
the moment, that we are all rejoicing Ikea
band of Presbyterian bretheren over our
disenthrallment. This is indeed a great
occasion, and rejoice with you that
none of us can ever be persuaded to
accept political honors again"
my friends" said Levi Albertson.
'This evenings work has been a revela-
ton to me. l have been great sufferer
from the troubles OF which this kind man
has SO instantaneOusly-reliev me. i
am happy to say it is all over now, and
tomorrow morning | shall resign the
County Collectorship and turn it over to
Ed. Wilson. mike" Devine will hence
forth be my Patron Saint, for see now
that it is best that he should have the
Post Office. But what wonderful cure
have had, and what queer sensations L
felt while undergoing the process When
Schlatter fumbled around the back of
my neck and put his finger upon my
dorsal veterbra, 1 mean my cervical
vertebra, U was thinking of fish them,
| felt the desire to hold office flying from
me at a fOrty-mile gait. At first I
thought it might be something serious
and feared had contracted some dis
ease instead of getting rid of one.
thought of every thing. thought of
Cerebro, Spinal Meningitis, and Cirrhosis
of the Liver, and Yellow Fever and Sup
curative Appendicitis. Then thought,
perhaps, 1 had some heart trouble
Cardiac Hypertrophy, or Sacculated
Aneuerism of the Arch of the Aorta.
Then remembered had some difficulty
and trouble with my throat several years
ago, and suspected it might be a touch
of the Carcinoma of the E ,nphagus. But
all my fears were groundless, and after
moment realized that all the queer
feelings were only what might be expect
ed when the system is in a state of
political eruption liable to break forth
in unexpected phenomena. But it is all
over now and would eat a barrel of
nux vomica sooner that accept an
Office"
City Solicitor Godfrey, City Clerk
Emery Irelan who waded through mud
and kerosene with the Streets of Cairo"
campaigners in 1896, Lew" Evans,
Smith johnson, and all the big and
| little Moguls in The Hospital for Decay
ed Politicians all spoke in turn and testi-
| fed that their regeneration was COM
plete and that there was not even q
lurking symptom left to show that they
ever had desire to hold Office. All felt
that mighty burden, too long carried,
| had been lifted from them, and they re-
tired to their virtuous couches saturated
with the idea that Schlatter was a re-
markable man whose latest miraculous
cures would entitle him to the public
gratitude. ARGUS.