The record-union., 1898-08-01
SOME POSTAL HuMoR.
Grotesque Names Given to Some
P0stof1ces.

The Postal Guide is in fact diction-
ary of postoffices, containing three sep
arate alphabetical classifcations of all
the postoffices in the United States, be-
sides great deal of reading matter of
special interest to postmasters, for
whose instruction, primarily, the guide
is issued.
The subscription clerk needs ii daily
because in nearly every batch of let
ters which passes through his hands
some correspondent has failed TO give
his address properly. Often the name
Of the State is omitted, sometimes no
address at all is given, the only clew
to it being an imperfec1 postmark and
occasionally the writer misspells his
own postoffice.
Just few days ago the World Her
aid" received a letter OF some import
ance, in which the writer gave no ad-
dress, and the postmark revealed moth
ing but the name of the State This
case was of course beyond the help OF
the Postal Guide, and at first glance
there seemed to be no way to supply the
missing information, but it was noticed
that the signature was that of a busi-
ness firm, and the resolute clerk took
down the reference book of one of the
largest commercial agencies, turned to
the State indicated, and, after plodding
all the way from A TO p, found a town
in which such firm does business
Once in while the name Of the
writer is not given, even when dollar
bill is inclosed to pay for the paper,
and in such a case nothing can be done.
usually, but to file the letter and wait
for complaint from a subscriber.
But in perhaps a majority of cases
where there is a lack Of necessary in
formation, it is in reference 70 the ad-
dress of the writer, and if the lack can
be supplied at all the chances are that
the Postal Guide will supply it.
Such information is interesting
enough to the man in need of it, but
exceedingly dry to every one else, and
the average reader would never so
much as dream of going TO the Postal
Guide for anything fresh and sparkling
or of general interest. 1t is a fact,
however, that the man who goes to it
daily for needed information frequently
digs up huge chunks of humor, and is
ever and anon at his wits ends if he
takes time to stop and think how
town came to receive such a name as
the one before him.
Why, for instance, should such an un-
desirable cognomen as 'Bumblebee,
"Bumpville'' or ''Bughall" ever hang as
a milestone around the neck of any viii
lage? How can any loyal citizen con-
sent to having his chosen abiding place
burdened by such name as Buck
swamp" "Buddtown' or "Birdsnest?"
What refined young lady upon going off
to school would be willing to give her
home address as "Squirejim, w. Va"
Brandy Camp, Pa" or "Squaw, Jack
County, Texas?" Imagine the feelings
of a college professor, who carries half
a dozen degrees, when called upon to
give his place of residence as "A B 9.
Sumner County, Tenn"
Yet these are the names of postoffices,
and there are scores-yes, hundreds-of
others just as odd.
This class of names has one signifl-
cant withholding unlike anything else
confusion is avoided. Offices of the
same name in different States or of SIM
liar names in the same State are the
cause, when the writing is hardly leg
ible, of good many letter going astray.
There is an Omaha in Illinois, but
Omaha, Neb., is so much better known
that correspondents sometimes, from
force of habit, write Nebraska when
they mean Illinois, and the letter goes
to the wrong office. Genoa and Geneva,
both in Nebraska, look so nearly alike
when the writing is not very plain that
mail for the one frequently goes to the
other.
Down in Nemaha County a number
"a
office and trading place called How
ard" but the name so closely resembled
Harvard even when the writing was
quite legible, that it gave the postmas-
ter no end of trouble, and he finally sue
ceeded in having the name changed to
'Podunk'-not very pretty, to be sure,
but name on which the village could
claim a monopoly, and for that reason
desirable. When the Missouri Pacific
Railroad was built through the town
few years later the name grated
harshly on the cultured ears of the
railway officials, and through their in
fuence it was again changed to
Brock"
Calf Killer is the peculiar name of
a Postoffice in Putnam County, Texas.
Alabama has it's "Brickyard'' and Ore
in Vermont, "Bobtown'' in North Da-
kato, Beehive in Georgia, and "Aut-
umn Leaves" in Wayne County, Pa.
"Allsup'' is the significant name Of
an Alabama town.
There is a "Cistern' in Texas, Rain
in Nebraska and Pump" in North
Carolina. 1t seems unfortunate enough
to stop at that, but the Postal Guide
goes further and gives California as
the only place to Wash, and Illinois
or Minnesota to tIron. AT this rate
when can the Man" whom we find
only in West Virginia ever get his fine
shirt laundered?
Indian Territory has Cheek" Ohio
"Gall."
The only 'Cheaphill'' is found in Ten
nessee, and the only Ordinary Post
offices are in Kentucky and Virginia
Whatever you find elsewhere is extra
ordinary and high-priced.
Cash can be obtained in eight
States, but Kentucky and Virginia are
the only ones giving Check" and
when you get it you are compelled to
go all the way to Maryland or Ten
nessee to find Bank" at which it
can be deposited.
The ladies are supposed to have a
special fondness for tBargaintown."
There is only one in the United States.
It is in New Jersey.
Tennessee and Indian Territory each
has Bob" but there is no Robert
anywhere.
Five different States claim the Best"
Postoffice. W