The Holt County sentinel., 1898-10-14
FROM PRIVATE PETREE.
Has Some Experience in Providing
Himself With Luxuries.


Theological works of Robert }. Burdette
YOU arc doubtless familiar with that
brightest Of ali his brilliant gems. his IN
preached sermon from the text, The
wicked flea whom no man pursueth."
What would be the use." He asks
Whoever heard Of il man catching one:
IL Is emphatIcaily Il woman's province"
Now, bale not been trying TO catch
Il flea, L have always felt sure that |
could IT 1t we're necessary. | won't give
II up yet; but my trying and somewhat
disastrous experience at another little
piece uf work that naturally belongs To
woman's sphere has, | will admit, caused
me To he little less certain that Bur
dette didn't know what he was talking
about.
| still insist, however, that the little
job that has acted SD disastruusly OF my
self confidence, is far more difficult; and
I'll tell you why think SO. There is
nothing III the law or the Gospel for
bidding it, as there is forbiddlng the
other. That is because it was thought
| that no man would be SO foolish as to
| attempt l. and therefore no injunction
WAS necessary. No man will try 1t a
second time, at any rate.
BY my experience | am convinced that
Of all the exasperatlng and tantalizing
| Impossibilities that look so ludicrously
| simple in the hands of Il woman. work
| ing button holes will lead the list. !
entertained grave doubts about my
ability To successfully unrayel the mys-
teries that encompass the simple look
ing subject, and studied long before |
began. However, l had seen button-
holes and had seen them worked. care
lessly, easily and even cheerfully. fin
ally persuaded myself that could work
one If | tried, sOlemnly and earnestly,
and yet when | ran up against 1t. 10
well, of all the knotty problems that
haye bobbed up, now and then, to rob
my life Of It's accustomed serenity, |
| found this the most abstruse. Ii they
do, as | have heard, work buttonholes b.
machinery, I'd like to see one of the
machines. I'll buy one before | make
another bed tick.
BY the way, may be your bedtcks
don't have button-holes and buttons
The next time get to talk to a woman
| am going to ask her about this. | am
afraid, though, unless opportunities of
that kind come thicker than they have
so far during my army experience, it will
be too late TO be Of any practical benefit
10 me; but it will relieve my mind any
how. Ii your bedticks aren't built thar
way they are not like mine, that's sure.
The way came TO conclude had to
have bedtick, and SO ran IN to this mass
of difficulties, was this; got so sorry
for myself, reading in the Jeffersoniau
the heartrendlng accounts of the way
was being starved and neglected and
! ~
| concluded something had to be done
to relieve my horrible suffering. might
have bought something to eat, as that
is the point, find, on which have the
biggest "kick comIng;" but my finances
we're in bad way and any relief could
. afford myself along that line would be
but temporary. Right here, | will OBJ
serve, that the oft noted perlodicity OF
financial crises are more noticeable here
than 10 the world at large. The regular
ity with which these great conyulsions
have occurred in our past national his.
, tory leads to the assumption that they
will continue until human nature has
been remodeled. That this should be
true IN the outside world We can bear
with some equanlmity, since else We
should have lost that most charmingly
hyperbolical allegory, Bellamy's Look
ing. backward" and then the periods are
measured by years there, while Oh.
black Fridays, IN the army, come abou,
once month, and are disastrous beyond
conception. So We unanimously vote
them an unmitIgated evil.
About this time | thought | could
distinctly see the indications of the ap
J proach OF one of these panics; and il
I casting about for the best possible in
vestment for my dwindling funds, | hi
upon this self same bedtick idea in con
= nection with which all my troubles ovel
button-holes arose. I'd stuff it with straw
thought, and forget, in Sweet Somno':
realm" all these awful privations which
We hear SO much about and which art
so graphically and elegantly presented
in the enterprIsing journal above referee
, to.
, So We purchased the material that wa:
to enter into its construction and took II
. to the new uailor's shop to be worked up
l gave that important parsonage ths
dimensions. When he began to inquir,
how L wanted it built, | informed hin
that l left details to him; but would holC
him strictly accountable If the compile
!. ted article didn't conform strictly to the
, specifications given. hadn't the slight
est idea that he could introduce any
novelties into so prosaic subject as
: bedtick. But would you believe me
when went to get it, that outlandish
"Sheeny" had the two ends sewed uI
crossways, so that when one end la,
down like a Christian bedtick ought, the
other end stood straight up.
had given the subject OF bedticks &
pretty careful study, and | saw at &
glance that such thing as that wonld
be productive of apoplexy. He protested
that he had no designs against my life
/ don't know about that; but rs he rip
ped il open (the bedtick, not my life
and sewed 1t up again SO that it assumel
more orthodox proportions, | let tbs
matter drop.
On the road back to B street with my
reformed bedtick, told thirteen differ
ent inquiring comrades that it was sup
posed TO be large enough to furnist
sleeping accommodations for two persons
of average avoirdupois; and so would
furnish my bunkmate and m, self, IN oul
/ present emaciated condition, with al
abundance of room; tAat had procured
the material OF which 1t was constructed
= viz, seven yards of bedtickiug, at High
= epire; that | paid twelve and half cent:
per yard for 1T; and that the uHspeaka
be heather that made # charge me fits
cents therefor; making total expepdi
ture besides my time and trouble OF one
! dollar and twenty elghtcents. | was very
patient with them and tried To give then
all the information | could, hoping they
might profit by it. fou See, the journals
tic starvation and privations OF all sort!
from which we are all suffering has no
embittered our minds toward each 9th
2 er. On the contrary it seems to draw Il:
1 cIoser together. "A fellow feeling maker
2 US wondrous kind"
| filled my tick with straw; | neve
c liked feathers. Then it occurred to IN.
$ that the hole / had left in the tick
t though SO very small when putting tn,
: straw in, was all too large when it cam
! to letting it out again. 1t was right a
n this point that the desperate thought o
: buttons and button-holes entered M
: mind. I can truthfully say that | VI.
not at any time enthusiastic oyer th
= idea. had sometimes examined button