The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1898-11-04
THE LIAR AND HIS DOG.

Gentlemen OF the Liars Club" said
No. 9, clearing his throat as he arose
to speak, you will all recall the I'M
usual yet unquestionably veracious
narration of our honored member, No.
H." (here No. II arose in his seat and
bowed all around), "at our last mid
summer meeting, with respect to the
dog which he purchased for a fox ter
rer last spring, and which grew into
the proportions of a rhinoceros Of the
mastodonic period within three weeks
after he acquired it. You will all re-
member, gentlemen, the heartfelt SYM
pathy we felt for our honored member
when he informed us that he was I'M
able to purchase any summer clothing
for his family for the reason that it re-
quired two bushels of butchers meat
daily to prevent the dog from starv-
ing to death. Before, gentlemen of the
Liars Club we call upon our honored
member to relate unto our sympathetic
ears the story of the progress this ex>
traordinary animal has made il. the
matter of growth since the midsum-
mer meeting, / hope l may be permit.
ted to tell of a dog which myself pur-
chased three weeks ago last Tuesday,
which has exhibited traits in the mat
ter of growing that are Numerically
opposed to those related by our honored
member of his mastadonic fox terrier"
The chairman of the Liars Club
granted No 8 permission to proceed.
Fellow members, proceeded No.
8, 1T was in acquiescence to the many
times repeated request of my wife to
procure for her full-grown dog of
the mastiff species, that I finally de-
cided to crafty her by purchasing a
dog of this kind. AS we have a consi-
derable back yard attached to our resi-
dence, and as my wife is partial to
very large dogs, made it my aim to
procure for her the very largest mastiff
that | could possibly get for reason
able figure. Not knowing much on the
subject of dogs myself, | placed the
matter of purchasing one in the hands
of a responsible kennel keeper of the
city of Washington. Three weeks ago
last Tuesday the kennel keeper brought
to my house a brute which he said was
of the purest mastiff breed that was
fully as large, gentlemen, as a yearling
calf. I never before had seen such an
enormous dog Yet he was as gentle
and as amiable as a kitten. and upon
the kennel keepers assurance that the
dog was the real thing, and that he was
not liable to eat more than 81 worth of
fodder per diem, | purchased the mas
tiff and turned him loose in my back
yard. Gentlemen big as my back yard
is. the dog seemed to take up the whole
of it. In size, if not in conformation
he strongly reminded me of the male
elephant out at the zoo. AS my wife
was highly pleased with the animal
however, l repressed whatever gloomy
thoughts | might have had with re-
fp ba I,ol Of lxaa ,tySor
the dog alive-for ] had in mind the
sad story of our honored member No.
II, and his fox terrier that attained the
proportions of a rhinoceros.
Gentlemen, our bed room looks out
upon the back yard. During the first
night of our ownership of the dog, /
was pleased. rather than annoyed, by
his occasional deep banks There was
protection and LONELINESS in the sound.
Along toward morning, however, as |
listened to the dogs occasional banks it
struck me that they were pitched in
somewhat higher key than had been the
case in the first part of the night. Cen
tlemen, when I arose in the morning,
and looked out of the back window,
something remarkable seemed to me to
have happened to that dog. lie lay
doing in the sun, but he looked differ
ent. l aroused my Wife.
My dear, l inquired of her, does it
strike you that that mastiff of ours
looks any different from what he did
last night?'
"She took one look at the dog, and
then turned to me with an expression
of bewilderment.
why, said she, he is a great deal
smaller than he was, is he not?'
Gentlemen, she had hit it precisely
right The dog was smaller by at least
one-fourth than he had been on the pre-
ceding night l need not tell you that
both my wife and myself We're baff1ed,
not to say shocked. The shrinkage in
the size of the dog seemed so unprece-
dented, so unusual, that l am sure our
minds reverted to those ancient legends
bearing upon the bewitching of brutes.
However, | brought the dog into the
kitchen. measured him for future ref
erence, fed him and turned him again
into the back yard. He was still
large animal and | was not disposed to
abuse him for sacrificing so much Of
his growth during a single night. MY
nature is naturally kindly with refer
ence to dumb brutes
Gentlemen, when / returned from
my Office that same evening my wife
looked worried. asked her to explain
and she said that the mastiff was still
diminishing in size-that she had had
him into the kitchen during the after
noon. and that he was fully an inch
shorter than the notch / had marked
on the wall in measuring him in the
morning. | found this to be true. We
were worried over it. We We're disturb
ed. And yet the decrease in the dog S
size continued His appetite remained
good, and he. seemed to be well, but
he kept on growing smaller every day.
BY the time we had had him for ten
days, he was about the size of an or
binary bull terrier, and yet he seemed
as healthy a dog as ever ] met. A
week ago, gentlemen, that dog had
shrunk to the dimensions of only a
fair-sized black and tan. I refrained
from, taking him to the dog doctor for
I feared ridicule. | feared l would not
be, believed. You well know, gentle
men, what we of this club have to con-
tend With in the way of unbelief.
However, my dog kept on decreasing
in size until four days ago he was no
larger than a fox terrier pup. l never
saw such an extraordinary atrophy OF
a dogs carcass in my life, and, as al
ways, / came here to have the matter
explained Within four days, gentle
men of the Liars Club, that dog has
been reduced to this. his present size.
No. pulled out of his sack coat pock-
ct a little, shiYering, hairless Mexican
dog, that weighed about half a pound,
and held the dog UP for the inspection
of the club.
Il recommend" said the chairman
of the Liars Club, that before this
extraordinary canine of No. SIS becomes
reduced to the size of cockroach and
crawls into the sink trap, thus clog
ging the clubs plumbing appliances,
he be removed from the building.
No q therefore withdrew with the