The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1898-08-21

Philadelphia Cat Boston frel-I wondez why
it is our fire engines have only two horses, while
yours have three?
Bostonian-oh. Philadelphia fires do not burn
as fast as do.-Iife.
Even on the battlefield said the GarruIous
Boarder. there must be amusing Incidents.
'Oh yes" said the Cheerful IDIOT ''Whole
regiments are sometimes called to make 4
diversion. indianapolis Journal.
Fair Lady Crying to be deeply interested in the
mtisicl-Can YOU tell ME who is singing now?
Little Mr simpson (hot and exhausted with the
crnshl-Weh. >! don't know exactly.but
rather think it's a doubts whether, to
be precise, he should not add '-or woman but
conversation eollapses. Punch.
''Ah!' sighed the Summer girl. al wish you
owned yacht and would place it at my dis
posal"
"sorry can't oblige you" replied the young
man. ..but the best offer you is little
And the silence was punctured by sound re-
sembling the opening of pop bottle.-Chicago
News.
This historic stream of yours remarked
the Visitor, holding his he walked across
the bridge. lis the Mark T:Dley Of rive, So
''Yes?'' said the Chicago citizen.
1T comes out strongest when il is worst
troubled. Chicago Tribune.
They found her hurriediy packing a valise
Where you going?'' they asked
ITO the 'front.'" she replied
but / thought YOU didn't believe in women
going to the front"
az DON'T she answered ''but as long as they
insist on going. if you think / am going 10 take
any chances OF having of those volunteer
health if he is wounded you are nightly mis-
taken. I'm going to be on hand myselt"-Chi-
cago Evening Post.
Watts-I guess the Spaniards are not so very
brave.
Potts-When you consider how little a Span
lard knows about shooting it must take a good
deal Of COURAGE for him TO handle gun at all
indianapolis Journal
"Old bigger has got the anti-imperialisrn
fever bad
whats he done?"
His wife bought new extension table and he
sent it right back. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'"This is the parlor, eh?" tentatively remark.
ed the real estate agent, who was looking over
the house.
Yes" replied the old man Kidder; ''but
usually call it the courtroom-Fve got seven
daughters, you know. "-Harper's Bazaar.
A gentleman who was travelling recently near
Chester Pa, across a farmer whom ne
took to be Quaker and determined to please
him By talking TO him in the Quaker dialect. As
he told the story afterward, this IS how he sue
ceeded:.
"'IIow do thee do, sir? Is-that is-are thee
meditating% II he was delighted he controlled
his emotion admirably. All ne did was to cape
and inquire: Hey?
{" The fields, the birds. the flowers pleas
antly pursued. are enough to bring thou dreams
i mean dreams to thou
HE was looking at me now, and critically
felt that my syntax had been very idiCtic instead
of idiomatic; so, wiping the sweat from my brow
and hat eyed him calmly and observed: Those
cows, are they thy's-er thee's-th2t is, thou's-
durn it. l mean thne'sY
'Tt was very unfortunate. He crawled down
from the fence. nibbled at a plug Of tobacco,
and he ambcd away muttered indignantly:
Go to Bedlam, I'm farmer. but thank heaven,
I'm not loonatic.' New York Tribune
~. H. B., a member of the Sixty-fifth
Regiment at Camp Alger, sends home the fol-
ffan1 Of %ta
experiences of the soldiers entitled Camp Life
in NUTSHELL
Singing ballads playing cards,
Eating side-meat, running guards,
Marching. drilling, exercising,
Lying round philosophizing,
Digging bitches learning tactics.
Standing guard until until your back aches;
Doing laundry, picking trash up,
Cleaning camp and dishing hash up;
Cooking pork and taking baths,
Eating bareback cleaning paths;
Getting yellow as lanyard,
Wondering when we'll meet the Spaniard;
Reading papers, reading books,
Fasting, grumbing, cussns cooks;
Writing letters, cleaning tents up.
In our trousers sewing rents up;
Drilling like od-time cadets,
Smoking pipes and cigarettes.
Telling stories making wishes.
Splitting wood and washing dishes;
Turning in at sound Of TAPS"
Spouting verse and shooting craps;
Getting up at 5 o'clock.
Wanting fight and hearing talk;
Thinking that we're not in clover,
Wondering when the warll be over.
Buffalo Commercial.
-. H. ,,av% .,.,sfs