New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-04-02
TIE TALK or TIE DAY.

day 20 Offer h,s services 20 the Governor In
o, war with Spain. Meeting man on the street
who looked Ike the Governor. he sad:
"Haln't you the GUNNER"
Tho man. who was taken completely by surprise.
stopped and assured the colonel that he was not the
Executive.
Mighty sorry you hain't" said tho colonel.
FUR wanted offer you my services as COM
inander OF Ave or SIX ridgeiments, with which
would Jest simply march right square over to
Spain an lick EN- keen oron the yearth
'In,ieedl You want to command division or
two. do you? What military rank have you at
talncd?'
I'm = kunnel. sahr'
''Uh-hu Obtain your rank by gallant service In
the late war. guess?"
Nope but wur road overseer In our deestrick
two forms In succession"
Practical Arithmetic. why. paw. you can't take
three from two" said tho midnight spectators
III that's all they learn you in them schools. :,
from two dudes only last night?'-(Cincinnau En-
qGlrer
The street railways OF Marsees Will soon have
eighty-four miles OF track. and will be operated by
electricity A central station In the heart OF tho
city will furnish current for all OF the branches and
Will develop at least eight thousand horse power.
Tho faro Tor a ride Of i've and one-haf miles Will
bo only two cents Marseilles is ahead OF all other
French cities not excepting Paris. In tho matter
OF electric traction.
Playing +, on Them.-"They Amt enough pudding
20 90 round - the waitress said hoarsey.
,o,dIadv That IL ,s Spanish sauce. Then they'll
refuse it"-tCincinnati Enquirer
A Cumberland (Md) newspaper said tho other
tay: Mrs James c. Frazer passed through here
alone to-day riding horseback. mans style. on her
way to Morgantown. W Va. where she Is study
ing law AT the University. She left Marttnsburg
o., Wednesday, anu expects 20 cover the entire dis
lance two hundred miles. by tomorrow evening
She carried a brace OF revoivers. and attracted
much attention Her husband followed by train"
"rbev saw now that love Is controlled by vfbra-
that's So trembled when proposed, trembled
when | asked her father for her, tremoled az tho
altar and she has kept me- trembling In my boots
ever since. & detroit Free Press.
,-Ao co,r,sh Government wa. uystined not long
oco =, tho remarkable sale OF General Weylers
nlcture The mystery has been explained now
ever by an ingenious official. who procured one OK
the pictures. and on applying wet sponge 10 inc
surface found that the colors and features quickly
disappeared and in their place were seen the hesVy
head. full beard and piercing eyes OF Don Carlos
tho Spanish pretender.
before go to war. Louise. 7 have few words
10 sny 10 voii-a trust 70 place In your hands
.:roke GOOD care OF my wheel while IN gone"
-(ChicagO Record.
Tee ha. left the Straits OF Macknaw earlier than
ever before since records were first kept IN that
part OF the lake region.
scorchcr-They say that I, has bad effect on
the brain 10 ride with your head down between thc
Don't you believe word Ell Of 4, - The h:
DISQUALIFICATION Transcript
"rhe New-Haven Register" reports this curious
hfafn
Beach OF Queach Farm while ploughing In a field
on Saturday found n mock turtle marked Bt3 and
1873 The figures were plain but the initials OF tho
markers were illegible. Mr.. Beach says this par
tculnr species OF turtle has been known TO live TO
the age OF ono hundred years. There IS just ono
place on the farm where they seem 10 congregatc.
and that is quite near fence
After n trial OF three years the bicycle has been
given up as a letter-carrers vehicle at Louisville.
Ky II was found that the frequent hlndranccs
owing TO bad weather. muddy roads and break
downs more than offset the time gained under ia
vorabe conditions. and rendered the service I'M
certain that the wheel was actually a detrnent
athcr than benefit.
Yabsley-The war excitement has dcnc mo some
good NJ Inst.
Yabsley-Tho landady won't let her daughter
play the Spanish fandango on tho guitar any more.
indianapolis Journal
What air you givin fur aigsr' asked q rurai
Georgian OF Il roads merchant.
Eight cents dozen"
"Whatll you sell me dozen fur7"
Ten cents"
'Uh-hu! sec what you're after. You want TO
make somethin' often me-"
We'll. you don't suppose I'm doin' business for
nothin do you? I've got 10 have n living"
I'm course. | know you've got TO git n Twin out
O you Dizziness but you shoroy hain't fool enough
/ two of -
good money. air your"
james" shouted the conductor as tho trolley
car stopped at the street bearing that name A
man signalled him, the car stopped. and tho man
other cross-street William" announced the con-
duetor Another man got out. The Irshman 8
eyes grew visibly larger. Alexander" shouted tha
conductor The third man left the car When II
had started on an Irishman arose and approached
the conductor. "Oi want to git out at Avnoo b.
he said. Me forrsht name 70 Michael -(Youth's
Companion.