The Winslow mail., 1898-05-07
WHERE THE PINS GO.
The Interesting Discovery of an
Ingenious Washington Man.
He Says Women Are Possessed of Gfz-
yards Which Require Pins,
Pickles, Slate Pencils, Etc,
to Keep Them Right.

to Keep Them Right.
In confirmation of the discovery OF
the distinguished paleontologist as to
the gizzard functions of the yermnform
appendix, and, further, that 1t IS new
almost a true gizzard in woman, out
only rudimentary in man, the following
will perhaps explain:
Appendicitis is the name of the dis
ease that affects this rudimentary glz-
zard of man, and the reason why wom-
an is not affected like man in the same
degree of severity is because the ap-
pendix is more like true gizzard in
woman than it is in man. This is shown
IN girlhood. AS you stated in your eX-
cellent editorial recently, many birds
swallow as far as the gizzard small peb-
bles that aid the process of Attritlon OF
food" etc. Again, while it is fully es-
tablished that man is 4 Gerivative OF the
former mammal and bird, it may be
yet established that woman's derivative
is mostly from the bird creation only.
At this season of the year we obaerve
that the domestic hen when she
scratches the gravel for her highly con-
centrated food, such as worms, larvae
and seeds of all kinds, now and then
swallows a piece of gravel to assist her
digestion. For the same purpose the
schoolgirl of to-day consumes pickles,
slate pencils, chalk, blue clay, ashes,
ETC., and it meets a craving of nature.
Gum chewing wastes the saliva that is
needful for digestion, and the appendix
verInifCrmis or gizzard of the school
girl performs it's functions to aid di-
gestion.
Our schoolboys by active exercise and
their predatory habits do not need ma
terial for the gizzard to help digestion,
and the result is that in adult life the
vermiform appendix of man is shy of
its gizzard function and therefore SUBJ
iect to disease. What becomes of all the
pins manufactured is a question that
has puzzled every editor of a newspaper
or magazine in the land.
Thirty-five billions of pins are an
nually manufactured in the United
States and the waste of pins still goes
on. What becomes of them? | have
often found pins in the craws of the
domestic hen. suppose the hen needs
them in her business or she would not
swallow them. The daughters of our
revolutionary fathers met here in sese
sion a fortnight or so ago. A corre-
spondent or reporter noticed the fol-
lowing: 1.-The ladies who made the
speeches had the sheets of paper con-
tanning their remarks carefully pinned
together. AS each one proceeded with
her speech she would detach sheet
and put the pin in her mouth. Then
She would detach another sheet and put
another pin in her mouth. She. kept
this up for several minutes and yet she
continued talking all the while The
pins go into the mouth, but never re-
appear. 1t may be that woman is not
affected with the dreaded appendicitis
because she makes a pincushion of this
worthless appendix or degenerated giz-
zard. The inference is, therefore, if the
men portion of the human race learn
to swallow pins they would be free from
appendicitis. Preliminary education in
boyhood would be necessary to this ac
compishment, however, since, as we
have seen, it takes pickles, slate pencils,
chalk, ETC., in early life to fit this worth
less gizzard for the function of pin
cushion in adult life. That the vermi-
form appendix is a rudimentary gizzard
l think is settled beyond further conz
troversy, but as you say in your edi
torial of March %, ''if this theory be
correct curious paradox is presented"
That is, when in use or performing its
proper functions, it can receive the
hardest material and the most indi-
gestible substances and get away kind
ly with them, but when this organ or
appendix is not used it becomes "a cen
ter of dangerous conditions as soon as
any foreign substance or any hard
matter is deposited in it."
In these days of "woman's reforms,
may she not be OF some service to the
men portion of mankind by relegating
back this vermiform appendix of man
to it's primitive condition of well-be-
haved gizzard in the body polite, and
citing herself as to pins in her adult
life and to pickles and slate pencils and
chalk Of her school day life as an ex-
ample, by following which the restora-
tion can be successfully accomplished
in MANI. r. Hayes, in Washington
Star.