Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1898-06-10

" sss'
He-Darling. wanted to take you to
the theater tonight, but felt that
couldu't afford It. she-Neyer mind.
dear. We can go tomorrow night
Life.
Henpeck-f have troubles OF my own.
Mrs. Henpeck- But you are the partner
Of my woes. Hcnpeck-Yes, silent. as
in everything Cincinnati Times
Star.
The doctor would like to see you In
side" said the maid to the caller In the
reception room. -Not muchF' said the
startled patient; "he can't try any Y
ray on me."-Yonkers Statesman.
Il hear that the crowd assaiIed you
when you appeared at the Plunkvllle
Opera House." False, me boy, false"
replied the eminent tragedlan. Mr..
Barnes former; "all false There was
no Srowd."-Indlanapolis Journal
Did you hear of the accident which
befell your brother7's Accident? Not
Not serious. ! hopeT" .''well. rather.
An idea struck him, and now the entire
upper part Of his head is paralyzed."-
New York Herald.
Mr.. Isaacs--I sells you dot coat at a
grad sacrifice. Customer-But you say
that OF oil your goods. How do you
make living? Mr. Isaacs- Mein frient,
makes a small profit on de paper and
strlng.-New York Weekly.
"What intensely red hair that young
man hasg' exclaimed Maud: I'm sur.
prised that you seem TO like him so
well.' "oh," replied Mamie, II don't
like him very well. I never invite him
to anything put pink Washing
ton Star.
The quest for truth; Mr. Monterey
1t used to be said that Truth lies at the
bottom of veil. Nj. isspiaaasic I
know. Mr.. Monterey-Now II lies at
the bottom of Havana harbor, ana div
ers are trying to bring 1t up.-Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
Gargoyle (back In town after years
nbsence)-Whe | went away. Jones
and Brown were rival sultors for Miss
Twitter's hand. Which proved to be
the lucky man? Glanders-Can't tell
that yet. She married Brown only a
month ago. Ask me again in about a
year.-Life.
Flick-Call him a muslcianl Why, he
doesn't know the difference between a
nocturne and a symphony. Flack--
You don't mean It? And they hurry 10
get nway from one another. Each is
terribly nfrat6 mat the othez -Sritl ask:
BY the way. what is the difference T'-
Boston Transcript
"No, ma'am said MeanderIng Mike,
''I'm sorry, but It's ag'in my principles.
| can't split no wood We'll" she an.
swered. there will be load OF coal
here this afternoon. and" "rm sor.
ry ag'in; but can't carry no coal. But
I'll tell you what | will do-I'n compro.
mise. Ef you've got a gas-stoye, IL
turn on the Washington Star.
Here, you've been telling me all
hlong." said the bright-faced young
wife, what wonderful cook your
mother was; and now your Aunt Jane
has just told me that your father was
chronic dyspeptic." "Well, you see,"
the young husband murmured. with
deep sigh, mother learned by practic.
ing on father. Plain Deal
er.
'That young man Of yours" said the.
observing parent, as his daughter came
down to breakfast, should apply for
a jon in dime museum why, faith
er." exclaimed the young lady. in tones
of Indignation, what do you meanr
II noticed. when passed through the
hall late last night" answered the old
man. ''that he had two heads upon his
shoulders. Chicago News
Foster So her father refused to con.
sent to your marriage with his daugh-
ter? Blglin-No, that's Just the deuce
of 1t. He gave me no answer when
told him what had called for. and told
me II | didn't leave in less than two
seconds. he'd kick me out. What's to be
done with fellow who will wander
off in that way from the subject OF dis
eussion?- Boston Transcript
Mrs. Greene-My husband is such o
thoughtful mani He always goes
down into the basement kitchen TO
smoke. Mrs. Gray-And let's the smoke
come upstairs into the dining-room
through the dumb waiter. Mrs Greene
Yes, but that's because he is absent
minded, poor man. That has nothing
to do with his thoughtfulness, you
know Boston Transcript.
Attorney-You say you had called to
see Miss Billings and was at the house
at the time the burglary was commit
ted? Witness Yes, sir. Attorney
Then how did 1t happen that when the
prisoner dashed into the room and as
saulted you, Won leaped through the
window and went home. making no at
tempt TO defend the lady or give the
alarm? witness-I thought 1t was her