davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1898-04-30
Never say Die.

Many desperate cases of kidney dis
eases pronounced incurable have been
cured by Foley's Kidney Cure. Many
physicians use it. W. H. Coerver
durpiSt
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1898-04-30

Say, Sergeant, exclaimed a wo-
man as she came into the Denver no.
lice station half out of breath. Then
she hesita ed.
What is it, ma ann"
II don't like to tell YOU"
Proceed. Have you bced burglar
ized?"
No. but some one stale lot of
clothes from Off my line last nightr''
Just give the detectives a list of
the stuff stolen
Il couldn't do that, for they took
two pair of -
go ahead.
''Oh. no: | couldn't do that. but,
Mr.. Policeman, if you anybody wear
them, arrest them
With this brief explanation she de-
parted. and the police have no clew.-I
Denver Times.
Wanted as a War Correspondent.
Frank H. Dunlop received from the
Globe e-Democrat yesterday:
"Wil you accept three hundred
dollars per month with wheel (bicy-
clel and all expenses as sbecial cor
respondent to Cuba.
Answer quick,
JOHN C.. EASTMAN:
Mr.. Dunlop ihas not yet decided |
what he will do. He is just about |
ready to open the River View Santa
rum and cannot we'll afford to go to
Cuba.
The Globe-Democrat recognizes Mr..
Dunlop's ability as a correspondent,
and they are willing to pay him good
price as a representative in Cuba.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
Episaes to ST. Paul.

The difficulties OF the English language
when it is attacked by a foreigner are brought
to the notice Of nearly everybody who has q
foreign speaking friend Tom Neuhausen
tells one on a German friend Of his who has
been wrestling with English in the early
stages OF his acquaintance. His father had
lately died. He met friend who knew that
the father was i'll. The friend asked:
"Hellol Is your father living still?'
The German struggled for a minute. He
wanted to indicate that his father was dead,
but he coul not, following the proposition
He gave up the problem and said:
mot YET
Il was thinking the other day, after 1 had
been to a session of the w. C. T. T., -abolt
the time that things were good. what would
be the result of all this higher education of
women and their interest in parliamentary
anairs said bachelor who is not unknown
in public life In this town. 81 know some
thing OF parliamentary law myself. and have
had a good deal OF experience in parliament
tary bodies. but, upon my word if a man
tried to take the advantages in deliberative
assembiage that woman does he would be
arrested for larceny. They were all good.
women ard all that, but they really had no
conscience in the matter of getting the best
OF it. And as for being posted on parliament
tary proceedings, why they would give any
body that l know OF half the pack and beat
him out. Imagine man delegate in a DELHI
erative body having the nerve, when he found
that he was beaten on proposition, to ask
that the body pray-now have a session of
prayer? Why no man would dare do it, and
then send for reinforcements and inspiration
while the prayer was going on. The one thing
that was made apparent to me was the fact
that in the course Of the next generation the
women will run all the convention parties,
and we men will be permitted to do the dirty
work at the primaries-if we are good
Archibald, the magazine writer, who was
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
Two srIendid Linrs.

Here is a story told of Patrick O'Mars.
private In the Ninth regulars Not long ago
he went to the colonel. who was severe dis
ciplinaran for two weeks leave Of ah
sence
We'll" said the colonel, what do you wan:
a two weeks furlough for?"
Patrick answered Ne wolfe is very sick.
and the children are not well, and If We didn't
mird she would like to have nome for a
few weeks to give her bit of assistance"
The colonel eyed him for a few minutes
and said Patrick. ! might grant your re-
quest, but l got letter from your wife this
morning saying that she didn't want q
home; that you were a nuisance and raised
the devil whenever you we're there. She hopes
won't let you have any more furloughs."
That settles it, I suppose l can't get the
furlough then?" said Pat.
mo: Pm afraid not Patrick. 1t wouldn't
be well for to do so under the cir2um-
stsnces."
It was Patricks turn now to eye the
colonel as he started for the door. Stopping
suddenly he said;
Colonel, can / say something TO yer"
Certainly, Patrick; what is it,
you won't get mad, colonel, IL / say it?"
Certainly not Patrick; what is it?"
81 want to say there are two splendid liars
in this room. and I'm one Of them. | was
never married In me loife. New York
Tribune.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20

some time ago received request from the
edltcr OF famous magazine to write an
article on subject with which the states
mans name was prominently identified The
great man knew nothing whatever about the
subject He isn't nearly so wise as he Is
famous and he asked a newspaper man he
knew to write the article for him. The
newspaper man was busy but he spoke to
female member of his family about it, and
she sat down and wrote the article that has
already been quoted far and wide. The great
man received the credit, but the woman is
wearing new fur collarette and Is CORE
spondingly happy.-Boston Herald
When Mr.. Hanna promised collectorships
and postofTices to the negro delegates from
Southern states rewards for voting for his
candidate in the st. Louis convention, the
hrst step was taken toward the troubles which
eliminated at Wilmington and Greensboro
1t Is to be regretted that Mr. Mckinley could
not see his way clear to evade a contract
which. with the experience of his party pred
eeessors before him, they should have known
was liable to lead to a violent ending.-St,
Louis Republic.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
Return to Nature.

Prof. Charles Zueblin. in language
most courteous and considerate of the
local patriotism OF his hearers, called
attention last Thursday evening to the
patent fact that the natural advanta-
ges IN the topography of S.. PauT We're.
IL not obscured, at least not given their
fun aesthetic value.
His Illustrated lecture, which dealt
with the aesthetic side of British cities.
made it very evident that our cousins
across the sea are inclined TO build
their cities with some difference to the
eye as Well as to the pocket. Cities
that are built upon rugged sites are not
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20

at the Leech lake affair, tod me an odd story
when met him in Chicago the other day, >
said Samuel F. Kingston, manager Of the
helcey company, last night. 1T seems that
the hight at Sugar Point, or wherever it was,
centered around an old log cabin. After
the row was over Archibald ard soma o.
the other newspaper men got into the log
house and found that its Indian owner ha1
some idea OF decorating his place of abode.
for ne had made a collection of theatrical
pictures and chromos. Among the lot was a
cut OF Herbert Kelcey, which was fastened
on the wall directly opposite the window A
stra- bullet had hit the pictures and put
out one Of Mr., Keleey's eyes. tod him.
wnen heard OF it, that it was miserable luck
Tor an actor 70 have his eye knocked cut by
an Indian whom ha had never had a chance
to get even with. =
Say. he said as he sauntered into the tele-
phone Office, - what does this 800 before
Ihomas II. ShevlTn's name mean? 1 know
this Sheylin, land he don't go Jay in
any alphabet thatrf know anything about"
On that's a new wrinkle" said the tele-
phone manager. TT is to prevent confusion
by substituting letters for the number of
calls Suppose you call up central and ask
her for one-three-three-fou Unless you are
careful to punetuate this correctly the young
woman has no means of telling whether you
want 133-4 or 1894"
Oh, yes" murmurred the interlocutor. and
turned away. AS he neared the door he
turned around and continued:
viii you answer me another question:"
Il guess SO. What is it?"
Why do you use the letters ] and L?'
Because they don't sound anything alike
You see we could not use P and B, or n and
n. or and D. or even B and D, or c and T,
but there is no possible chance to mix up
and L.
''oh, yes" and the visitor departed.
The Phiistine.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
HIS UPS AND DOWNS.

An old man and a melancholy,
By chance l hapd to meet;
Pray, sir, I said. what Is thy grleff
AS walked down the street
With sorrowful glance, he looked at me,
While tears flowed from his eyes;
MY mauy ups and downs" he quoth,
Have made me sad. though WISE
Then In the surging crowd,
/ lost this new-made friend
But many times that day I thought
His troubles soon must end.
A few days later. passing the self same way,
This sad-faced man met again,
And wildly desperate he appeared;
Could he have gone insane?
Half in pity, half in doubt
With friendly smile and hand extended,
Ny friend. / said, tell me thy grief,
Trust me, l pray. be not offended.
Choking and sobbing with tragic mien.
He then exclaimed: 'I'll tell you best can,
Many have been my ups and downs,
1 am. kind sir, an elevator man."
ID. K. Ford.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
Imperialism.

Boston represents about all of the American
trade In the Philippines, and the Boston
Advertiser pointed out the other day that
every Boston business man interested in
that trade considers that American annexa-
ton of the Philippines would be a pitiable
and tragic blunder.'
In vigorous argument against the imperial
policy delivered before the Pennsylvania
Bankers association, John c. Bulliet, of Phil
adelphia, said that although the peace com
missioners, acting under inspiration from
Washington, seem to assume that they are
representing the will Of the peaple : tina
truth is that mo vote has been taken in
regard to it. and it cannot be affirmed, upon
any satisfactory evidence, that the great
body of enlightened sentiment of the country
is in accord with the adoption of policy
SO radical. so grave and so protentous.'
1t Is obvious that the opponents of ex-
pansion find in the result of the elections
warrant for renewed efforts to defeat the
policy OF imperialism They are quite iusti-
fed in this attitude when they see that a,
chief Republican advocate of that policy, who
began his campaign by declaring That this
was the paramount issue, was elected gov
ernor of New York by the narrow margin of
$4,000. against the 26S.000 for Mckinley two
yeas aso' "nlie DeHiocrat VINO openly op-
posed expansion, and was denounced there
for by Republican organs as the ally of
Spain, was elected governor OF Minnesota,
state which has had Republican governors
Tor forty years. Whatever Interpretation Mr..
Mckinley may put upon such results as
Rooseyelts narrow escape from defeat In
New York and Lind's success in Mime
sofa, 1t is clear to most people that they
do not show that the nation is enamoured
of the idea Of annexing the Philippines,
with all the problems that come In their
train.-New York Post
+, Any thoughtful man who wants TO in
corporate into this country any more COM
munities in which the inferior races" are
predominant, is an enemy of his country,
and foe to our Republican institutions
Boston Record (Rep).
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20

In the other seetion OF the country we hnd
the Southern press almost as generally con-
demning the course of the rioters in South
carolina--BOssap Hsr9Id;
Judging Of the ten,r Of the dispatches from
Washington and reports OF the cabinet meet
ing on Saturday il appears that the president
assumes that the elections OF last Tuesday
approve his idea "a the destiny" Of the
United States. and has acted on this assump
ton. In this he makes a fatal mistake. He
listens to the voice OF English press and to
the hattering words of interested British
statesmen instead Of the voice of the Ameri-
can people 1t Is true that the administration
party saved its majority in the elections of
congressman last week. But the reduction
Of the present majority Of a and plurality Of
y to the meageT majority Of II is a narrow
escape from Reputation. 1t surely is not an
Endorsement oston Post
An influential society In England has taken
up the subject OF docking horses tails and
II IL probable that in the future The shows
arranged by this society, and others under its
influence. will not receive entries of horses
so mutilated. The docking. as one critic Of
the practice points out. Is largely a fashion,
and when society agrees TO consider short
scrubby brush bad form. and long. flowing
tail mark of elegance in stylish animal
sentiment viii change, and what legislation
now strives with difficulty to stop will be
abolished without further trouble Conse-
quently. the education of fashionable public
opinion up TO this humane point is now to
be attempted Baltimore American
During the past twenty-six years the In
vested assets of English life insurance COM
panies have grown from $3.50 900 900 to the
enormous sum OF 81. 40. 900 900. This is an
annual average increase OF 81, 000, 900, but the
increase in 1896 alone was $50 900, O00 A SINH
lar progression during the next twenty i've
years would show Invested assets OF more
than s.. 500 600. ODD. vale at The end Of half q
century the insurance companies would be
enjoying an income considerably greater than
that Of the British goyernment.-London Let
ter 70 the New York Sun.
-
Just think OF NJ The Washington Post
telis Of e certain famous statesman there who
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20

constructed with wanton disregard for
the intrinsic beauties of rugged scene
ry. If a town Is favored with a river
its banks are not wholly given over to
the backyard purposes of mercantile
houses or the squalor of squatter set
Elements. A riparian boulevard and
Well kept terrace often trim and
brighten the otherwise somber garb
Of many manufacturing districts.
The implied comparison compels ST.
Paul citizens to plead guilty to the
charge of negligence. Certainly no city
in the Northwest has a greater wealth
of natural beauty. It's hills and hol-
lows. it's groves and grottoes possess
beauty that even negligence and desc
Grafton cannot obscure. The Aissis-
sippi, guarded on one side by st. An
thony hill and on the other by the
arborescent bluff, viewed from Oakland
avenue, presents a scene of singular
beauty. Yet no one knows better than
those who have visited the river flats
that it is a case where distance lends
enchantment to the view. In place of
a boulevard and terrace, such as skirts
the Thames, the Mississippi is fringed
through the business portion of St.
Paul by such a conglomeration OF huts,
dumps and general squalor as to beg
gar description.
There was time when a few, wish
Ing to preserve some of the natural
features Of the city. tried TO have
Third street terTaced as far as Seven
Corners and the vista over the river to
the opposing bluff left unobstructed by
buildings. But it was said that the
street had too great a commercial
value to devote one side Of it TO aes-
thetic purposes. Do the vacant stores
there bear out the assertion?
1t is not too late to restore 10 the
city some aspect Of it's natural topog-
raphy. Prof. Zueblin pointed out how
it was being done even now in London.
If it can be done there it surely can be
done here
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
THE VACANT CHAIR.

= Mrs. S. L. oberholtzer. Of Pennsylvania. a
delegate to the w. C. T. U. convention. dur
ing the meeting of that body, read the fol-
lowing poem on The Vacant Chair" refer
ence being TO the Willard memorial chair on
the platform of the Peoples church.:
Not empty Is the chair,
For 10, the sunlight there
Robes with radiance fair,
AS though II touched her hair.
Ribbon and flower and star,
That emb,eTaatc are
or her SO near so. far
Are hailowed by the bar
Our faith looks UP anew
This vision is our view
oh light of God. shine through.
That we her faith pursue.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
Here, There. Eveywhera.

That astute old person. Gen. Maxine
Gomez, evidently means TO look out for num-
Der one during the next few months. II
there is going 10 be a Cuban republic, Maxine
means to have something TO say concerning
the government thereof Hence, while Gen
Calixto Garcia and other insurgent COM
manders are advising their troops to go home
and go to work. Gen. Gomez exherts his fol-
lowers 10 stand by him until the Spaniards
are out of the island. The result will he
that when the elections begin he will have
at his disposal a band Of patriots who Will
not only themselves vote as he indicates, but
who will also persuade other people to cast
their ballots for the candidates whom Maxine
may deem best fitted for administering the
government Of Cuba Hbre. Gen. Gomez has
evidently read the history OF the reconstruc-
ton period in the Southern United States and
has prehted thereby.-Chicago Chronicle.
Gov.-elect Roosevelt is reported 10 have
said to Senator Plat on Saturday: Some Of
my Independent friends do not yet compre-
bend that while consult them shall consult
you also. They say l am wearing Platt's
collar. Senator Plat. you know that could
wear no mans collar And then Mr.. Plat
kindly and automatically replied: 81 should
have no respect for you II you did" And
Teddy no doubt thought the willy poll
tician was In earnest. Il want advice Mr..
Platt" continued Col. Roosevelt; II want
you to suggest men for appointment, but you
must understand that. while l desire TO
further the interests of the organization, l
viii appoint man who is not as clean as
g hounds tooth
Nice talk: but what docs 1t all amount
tot 1t may be made up between Mr..
Roosevelt and Mr.. Plat to fool the Goo
COOS. Cincinnati Enquirer.
The New York Tribune joins in the general
| declaration on the part OF the press OF the
nation. Republican and Democratic alike, in
condemning the action of Gov. Tanner in
| dealing with the Illinois outrages. II char
| acter1zes what the governor has done as
'high-handed notification OF the constitution
| OF the United States" Everybody seems 20
have seen this. and Jet the authorities at
Washington. whose duty n was 70 rectify he
| great wrolg done there. have failed to act
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
Smart Short Stories.

From the Chicago News.
The archbishop of Canterbury Is singular
among the roll of English primates for his
hatred OF pomp and decoration. Once. when
the guest OF country clergyman, he was
much annoyed by the display of silver candle
sticks in his room. After his lordship's de-
parture these oandlesticks were nowhere to he
seen. The distressed clergyman at once wrote
to the bishop, he was then. telling him Of
his loss and adding: Can you tell us what
has happened?" The reply came by wire:
Poor, but honest; look in the chest of draw
ers''
This Is not the only silver adventure in
which Archbishop Temple has been concerned.
On another occasion he was put I'D by a
clergyman during the absence of that clergy
mans wife. On leaving. the host politely
expressed the hope that when next his lord
ship honored the house, Mrs. Temple would
accompany him. mo. thanks" the arch
bishop laconically replied; "Mrs. Temple
doesn't like roughfng It" The clergyman's
feelings were deeply hurt. for the visit had
meant some expense and much anxiety to
him. He unburdened his soul to his wife
on her return. why, my dear she ex-
claimed, you didn't surely put the bishop in
the pink bedroom did your" He did "Ohi
then that's it. put all the silver plate in the
bedip
An amusing story is going the rounds of a
Weil-known actor, at one time an officer in
the English army, who is still considered by
his prudish kinsfolk. and by some Of his
friends as we'll, to have lost caste" by be-
coming what they are pleased to term "a
common play actor" Walking in the West
end recently, the young fellow CHANGED to
meet several of his former comrades-at-arms,
who. somewhat to his surprise, began one
and all to eensure him strongly for leaving
the service, and more especially, so, they
| said, for disgraeng his regiment ''by going
on the stage" And how much year do
you make by your precious buffoonery,
Fred?' one of his aforetime companions in
CURED, presently. Last year." answered the
ex-ofiieer, calmly, Il made only f7eO, but this
year. so far as 1 can Judge, I shall net as
clear profits something over fl, 0O0." The
oensors said no more upon the subject at the
time, but now it is said that no fewer than
three OF them are themselves, to use their
pet phrase, trying to get on the stage" SO
far. however, their attempts have proved
failures.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
WHEN THE BOYS COME HOME.

(To the Thirteenth Mnnesota.)
We will all turn out to greet them,
When the boys come home.
We wih fight TO see who'll treat them
When the boys come home.
They can have the best in town,
They can turn il upside down
Paint IT red. or blue. or brown
When the boys come home.
We will whoo2 and yell and boiler,
When the boys come home.
We Will blow in our last dollar
When the boys come home
But while their hands we're shaking
While the most are merry making
Some poor heart will be there-breaking
When the boys come home.
Will E. Maiden
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
A QUEER OLD WORLD.

II virtue would allure like sin
How easily might goodness win.
II right went laughing by like wrong
The devil would lose half his throng.
II day sought pleasure like the night
Dawn need not blush TO face the light.
But virtue seems so cold and proud
That merry sin attracts the crowd.
And right has such a solemn air
Men follow wrong. the debonair.
And care SO eats the daytime up
At night they seize mad folly's cup,
And drink forgetfuIness till dawn.
And so the queer old world goes on.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox in Criterion.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
A Receipt In Full.

The editor of Republican exchange SAYS
ne is true Christian and an adamantine
pillar OF the church and loves sacred songs,
but when night after night he hears a man
who owes him three or four years subscrip-
ton singing 'Jesps Paid 1t ALL" he feels
like shedding his Christianity Tor a few
minutes to go over with a club and give him
a receipt in full-Pine Island Record, Nov.
II, 1885,
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20

Reader. Meredith Mich, asks how dock
and dock roots can be destroyed. We notice
that writer in an exchange advises moving
down these weeds and then pouring kerosene
oil over each root. A couple of boys with
couple cans of oil can 90 over a large meadow
In a day or and pour oil on every dock
root In It, In the course OF q few weeks 1t
is said scarcely trace of these roots can be
seen.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20

BY the sdmiralty's orders perfect models
are made Ia parafin wax Of every new En-
glish battleship before it is lad down, and
these models are tested in a tank at Heslsr.
The models are from twelve TO twenty -f0u-
feet long. and the tank IS 200 feet long nj
twenty feet wide. The models are made OF
wax because It is a material which does not
absorb water or change its weight so atera-
tons can be easily made. A'so the ma erial
can be melted up and used again.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-11-20
Changes LATEST SORROW.

.-Now. Ii, the Yellow River" said the Chi
nese Emperor,
us in state of frightful inundation:
So. take on your yellow jacket, say fare
well TO old Pekin,
And reduce ii 10 a state OF subjugation."
So Ii, who cannot contemplate departure
from pekin,
Unless it gives him many and many a
SILVER,
Says softly to His Majesty: why can't /
stay right here
river2"
C. A. Mstcalf. in New York Press.