The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-06-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

OOme men are allYe simply because
it is against the law to kill them
Atchison Globe.
A dangerous counterfeit two-dollar
certificate is afoat. Spend every two
dollar bill the minute you get it,
West Union Gazette.
She-"Why don't you talk more
when we're out together?" Helm
too polite to interrupt you, my dear"
Detroit Free Press.
Charley-"Why are you gazing SO
intently at Miss Ancient Golddust?"
Jack--'T'm trying to make up my
mind between her and Klondike. -
Judge.
Sunday-school Teacher-"Who is it
that sees everything we do and lhears
everything we say?" Tommy Slimp-
kins-"Our hired girl. -Norristown
Herald.
''The streets are overrun with bi.
cycles" "Well, that would be all
right if the people on the streets were
not run over with them. "-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Lord st. Agnant-'T say, old man,
! deuced queer people in this country"
Lord Nozoo-"Yes; neveh let y know
when they're going to tell joke, y
know. Puck.
Tom -"You say you have got money
enough to get married and live com
fortably?" Jack-"No; l said 1 had
got money enough to get married or
live comfortably. Puck.
Atgy (fervently)-'T love her,
Clarence, although 1 am well aware
that she has got u past" Clarence
"But are you well aware that she has
got a-past fofty?"-Judge.
Doctor" "Well, it's ten to one you
won't see me tomorrow" Patient
"Whatl Any d-danger, doctor?" Doc
tor-"Oh, no. Those are merely my
Office hours. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Why pay dollar to a fortune teller
to learn the future when the expert
ence of others shows that you will have
a little Joy, a great deal of trouble, and
die old and poor?-Atchison Globe.
Old Lady-"Didn't tell you never
to come here again?" Tramp--'T
hope you will pardon me, madam, but
it's the fault of my secretary. He has
neglected TO strike your name from
my visiting list. "-Tit-Bits.
Diggs-"B Blank, the banker, died
this morning." Biggs-"That SO?
OF whom did he die?" Diggs-"You
mean of what did he die, 1 sup
pose?" Biggs mo; who was his
physician?"- Chicago News.
Mother-"I'm afraid Mr.. Crisscross
is not serious in his intentions.
Daughter-"He is awfully bashful,
you know; but he is offering himself
piecemeal. Last night, he wanted
me to take his arm. "-Tit-Bits.
Sunday school Teacher Johnny,
what does it mean where it tells us to
honor our father and mother that our
days may be long, etc. ?" johnny
'It means we must get up when they
call us in the morning. Puck.
"No, Herbert, am sorry, but am
sure we could not be happy together.
You know | always want my own way
in everything" But, my dear girl,
you could 30 on wanting it after we
were married. Boston Globe.
''Pessimism, said the Sage, sis but
q matter of temperament. One pessi-
mist knew was always saddest on
payday, because he realized that there
would be nothing more coming to him
for week. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Bobby-"Don't you know that folks
can't get married after they are dead,
Mr.. Littlepate?" Mr.. Littlepate-
"Why, of course l do" Bobby
"Then what are you dying to getmar-
ried for, as Sister Jane says you are?"
Judge.
maria, it does seem to me tLat
S26. 70 is a tremendous price to pay
for hat to wear just one Sunday.
"John, man who can't tell hat from
a bonnet is no Judge of what suitable
price is. Your ignorance mortities
me. Chicago Tribune.
"This coffee, my dear" said Kick
les, reminds me of what mother used
to make" docs it really?' ex-
claimed his wife, a pleased look com.
ing into her face. eyes; and she used
to make about the worst coffee l ever
drank. boston Traveller.
"Squibbs is great editor, ism
he?" 81 should say so; he is so ac-
customed to speak and think OF him
self as we that, when he wanted to
ride home from the Office the other
day, he absent-mindedly sent the
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