St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-11-23
Newspaper Waits.

e. ''~WSP"P~A w
"Well." remarked the passenger in the
long linen duster, II think we're going
to get the Philippines, and it won't be
long till Cuba comes in, too" II don't
see what we want with either of EN-"
retorted the passenger who was in his
stocking feet. "Ah," said the other.
then you are not an expansionist 2"
"a what" "Expansionist. mot
enough to hurt. I'm a Connecticut
tobacco raiser. chicago Tribune.
Self Made.-Isaacs--"Yo hat no fami-
ly pride at all, hat your" Cohen-"Vot
for should L? Not yum of my ancestors
had any money."-[Liie.
Wife (proudly)-"I saved you $1,000
today" Husbands Saved $1,000?
We haven't that much to save. We
haven't 800 we can call our own.
Hang me, if we have over $40, come to
think" Wife-"But you have always
said that il you ever had money enough
you would build house." Husband
"Of course" Wife-"Well, for SIS |
bought book showing how to build a
$4,000 house for $4,000 New York
Weekly.
1t happened at the club. This tele-
pathy or thought transference, or what
ever it is, isn't such wonderful thing
after all, )" he said. II can sit here with
you fellows and still be conscious of
what my wife is thinking about, and
just about what she is saying to her.
SELF" Undoubtedly" replied one of the
tb.,k I.t@ 10
couldn't see the clock. - Chicago Even
ing Post.
OF No Util;ty.-"Here," said Mrs.
Snaggs who was reading some health
hints in the newspaper, there is an ar
ticle entitled Save Doctors Bills" ut
is of no use to save them if they are not
receipted," added Mr.. Snaggs gloomily
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
In Regular Form.-Despairing Lover
Bertha, have you nothing to say in
answer to the letter, l wrote you last
Thursday? Do you know that all my
future is bound up in your reply to that
letter." Washington Maiden-"I have
mt looked at it, Horace. Next Tuesday
is my day for opening sealed proposals. u
-lSnlcaRO Tribune.
Pas .Experience.-"Say, pa" queried
Willie the other morning while prepar'
ing his geography lesson, "how many
motions has the earth ?" II don't
know, Willie" replied the fond parent a.
he bound towel soaked in ice.watel
about his throbbing brow, "but they'r,
numerous, quite numerous. Chicago
News.
Far worse-Sniggleton-"Im il
trouble. My landlady told me I'd hav,
to settle up or leave" Giggleton-
"Why, you're in luck, old fellow. I'm il
a worse fix than that. My landlady
told me I'd have to settle up before
could leave. Harlem Life.
Two of a nd.-Husband lat tn,
breakfast table)-"Oh, for some of thu
biscuits my mother used to make'
VIE (sweetly)-"rm sorry you haven
got them, dear. They would be just
about stale enough by this time to &C
we'll with that remark. = Chicago
News.
"And these places where you vote,
said the gentleman from Europe, "yot
call them polls" "Yes," answered tn,
North Carolina citizen, 1--WE call 'em that
But the warmth around here makes EN-
seem a good deal more like equators.
Washington Star.
Brownley-"How surprised we woult
be il we could see ourselves as others sc,
us!" Townley-"Yes; but think how
surprised the Others would be if they
could see us as we see ourselves. Tit
Bits.
There's lady pianist at the museum
who plays with her toes" "Umph
That's nothing my baby does that! ~
Yonkers Statesman.
A Clerical Error.-"That was a goot
sermon that DIR. Binks preached THU
morning?" Excellent. 1t would hav'
been almost perfect il the doctor hadn'
interpolated few sentences of his own.
-[Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Justly Offended.-No wonder the Colo
mel got mad. He was shot in the leg a
Santiago, and on coming home was de
servedly hero. He was met by one O
these fussy old chaps who likes to hear
himself talk and who broke out with
why, Colonel, / see that you limp
What's the matter?'! "Fell out of bed !
roared the Colonel. Don't you reat
the papers 2"-[ Detroit Free Press.
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