Graham guardian., 1898-10-14
\ PEACEFUL DOMESTIC STORY
Growing Out of tho Late War, by Corporal
Cranky, Author ofrthe Fatal Plunge.
His First and Last Bath, Etc.

His First and Last Bath. Etc.
The "Maine" had been sunk
Two hundred and slxty,six brave
American sailors had furnished
food for several big and little 6nny
fishes. Old you ever hear of
fish that was not finny2 They
would indeed be funny if not finny.)
War had been declaredad. Vol.
unteers bad been called for by the
President, Sleepy old Stafford
awoke from her twenty years nap
and responded to tho call. She
sent sixteen of her brave warriors
10 JOIN "Willie's Weary Walkers, +,
the crack cavalry regiment Of the
country. Some of them to be sure
had never discharged ram.rod gun
or been astride the hurricane deck
of anything larger that a goat, but
they felt if they could only get to
the front, they would forever put
TO sleep the entire Spanish army.
So they went. Now among their
number was Mr.. Josepus Diddle,
wlnkee, who liveo in the edge Of
the village with his Compliant
mother, his enterprising wife, his
two kids, and the beautiful Miss
Ethyln Goldenroo, possessed of
large feet and growing appetite,
who milked the COW, chopped the
wood, did the washing and helped
take care of the b ids in return for
her grub, Mrs. Diddlewinkee' old
"cloes" and SIX months "skulIng"
in the "deestrict !kule".
Mr.. ID. had been eleven years
married, was old, bald, gray, thin,
lean, lank, guant and peripelitic,
possessed of a peppery disposition
and a dyspeptic constitution and
had lately been rid of tape worm,
but he felt that the cali to arms
was directed especially to him.
He felt that with his strong right
arm { He only weighed l2l pounds
when mustered in.) he could slay
at least two score of the cowardly
Spaniards. What mattered it if he
had never spilled the blood Of any
thing larger than a mouse, or had
never loaded rifle, or attempted
to mount "bucking bronco. He
would a warrior be, he would. So
he went, and in due time was ac-
cepted and with the rest of the ag
grsgation was shipped to Tampa,
where he spent several happy
months grooming horses, eating
fly hash, sow belly and beans and
swallowing large doses of calomel,
castor oil and quinine by day, and
playing poker and shooting craps
by night. Meanwhile far away in
peaceful old Stafford, Mrs. Diddle-
winkee, assisted by her pumpkin
shaped mother-ln-law, and the afore-
said beautiful Miss Ethyln Gold
enrod with the big feet, was run.
ming the ranch. Now Mrs. Diddle.
winkee had a hobby. / might say
size had several, but she had one in
particular. For four years she had
endeavored to impress it up Jose
phus, but so far he had not been
impressed. 1t was the planting
and growing of corn. Mrs. DIddle.
winkee had never seen corn in her
life until she came TO Arizona and
couldn't tell it from alfalfa hay un
til she had been here six months,
but she knew corn raising was her
forte if only given an opportunity.
And now was her chance; she was
monarch of all she surveyed. She
would raise such a corn crop as
would be the pride and envy of all
the country around. Right east OF
the house and near by was young
orchard of some seventy.five fruit
trees and between the rows she
would set out her corn. She in
tended to start it in a kind of hot
bed and then transplant 1t, but was
talked out of the plan by the moth
er-in-law and the Goldenrod girl.
She got the good natured Dutch
man with the sanity smile, who
goes to church every Sunday with
his prayer book under his arm and
twixt psalms and prayers plans
how to do his erring and sinful
neighbors ont of their old broken
down buggies, tools, harness,
clothes, boxes, scrap iron, etc. He
who owns the big buckskin horse
and two brown mares upon which
he is trying to prove the theory
that horses are maze to work with.
out being fed. She got him, say,
to como with his buclskin horse
and two brown mares to plOw and
harrow and cultivate the ground.
What mattered it that he broke
down and destroyed one. third of
the young fruit trees, which
Josephus had set ont two years
ago. Corn was what she was
after. For this service she gave to
the Teutonc gentleman odds and
ends belonging to Jesephus to the
supposed value Of S4.25 and 1925
IN cash besides horse keep, no
small Itom. Then she and her ro.
tund mothor.inlaw and beautiful
Miss Ethyln planted the corn,