davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1898-03-18

p,;,+ That is, give
That New it two coats
ofgood paint
Just two coats of real GOOD
PAINT will look better
and last three times longer
than three coats of poor
paint.
NoTICE-we handle the CUTLER NELSON
BEST LIQUID PAINT, and it is guaranteed to
be made of'pure Lead, Zinc ana Linseed Oil,
mixed thoroughly together by the aid of i'm.
proved and powerful machinery, and is thus
vastly superior to any paint that can be mixed
by hand. This paint will cover two coats 300
square feet or more OF surface to the gallon.
Come in and let us talk paint to you. We can
sight" you to house after house in lola that is
painted with this paint
you are in the market for paint call in and
get prices Rnd:..color cards-S5 shades
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

old PEBBLES vot can't ride bicycles O..
says, Ia ia, Hans, get a bicvclo " "aa
We'll, why don't you get H..
and beat julius at his own gama9'I e'e
Sergeant, maybe l don't lcolt !.
I've got bicycle, undt vas IiiIio, oOt
it. vas nit der hospital iva ~. oy
undt der doctor says II vas treo Avs I1[S,
Pefore ride some more a bicycle" -
My, my, that YVES too bad s.
don't dispair, keep at it, and Won I pgS
win Lena yet" VIII
yah, budt 1 die pefore den. y,o-.
tink Of seeing Lena undt Julius rido oo3
mine store efery night togedder y
tree months. 0, it vas maxine .ol
come crazy. Vat l want is soma i6i,I nv
tons to stop Julius from riding NY nv.
Lena, undt der peace kebt undjII al. ID.
we'll" ss'
No, you cannot do that. You c,a,.
get an injunction to keep Julius fr ~
riding with Lena. But | have an I'LL iS5l
which may possibly help Won n 3os1
Lena like to go to the theatre?p 00'S
Vas, she vas crazy nit it,"
She was, Ell? Well, l tell you who.
to do. Take her to a theatre a Ta@,
night uH1ll you get well. That viii
knock Julius out, because / know b h,
won't spend money for theatre ticke.-,,
Sergeant, shake hands by me yor
vas der pest friend l hat. Dot va, va"
great ideas, undt | will show Julins dr'
he wasn't der only plock in der mea a.,
shop. Hurrah! | will take Lena 70
see Cabin ofe Uncle Toms der car
man opera, undt eferything. Coos
night, sergeant, you vas a brick-Nsu
York Tribune.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
WHY HE ATTENDED.
Even Church Sermon Would Re Prefer,
bic to n Bicycle Galk.

! Even Church Sermon Would Re Pra,or,
! bic to Bicycle Talk.
| The papers read before a scientific
association had been of an unusraI,,
abstruse character that evening ana
the comments on them more than or.
dlnar1ly technical and profound. Bn
the man who sat in an obscure corner
close to the door listened with close
attention to all that was said. An
the members of the association re-
garded him as the guest invited by
some other member, and, as a matter
OF fact, he was an entire stranger IN
everybody. He never Joined in the
applause, but his attitude was unvary-
il ely respectful and attentive One OF
the members, in a spirit Of hospitals
ity, stopped him before he could get
out of the door.
Glad to see you here again, Mr..
-. l must confess l have forgotten
your name"
Barker is my name" he answered,
with some embarrassment. Sirius
Barker"
You have been very regular at
tendant at our meetings of late"
Eyes, | took the liberty of dropping
in now and then. So long as | didn't
create any disturbance l thought you
wouldn't object"
You are interested in science,
them"
Eyes, in a way"
"Are you student of any particu-
lar branch?"
mo; | must confess l am not"
''Why, in that case, great deal Of
what is said here must be unintelll-
gible to YOU
1T is To tell you the honest
truth, l couldn't tell trilobite from
a petrified crawfish. | don't believe
could distinguish, with any degree Of:
confidence, between a chunk of JuraS-
sic rock and piece of bareback"
And yet you enjoy YOURSELF"
Immensely! | heard about what
you were doing, and / couldn't resist
the temptation to come and hear you
myself The fascination was such
visits, even at the risk of being treat
ed with indignity as an intruder.
hope there will be no objection to my
continuing to sit quietly in this cor
ner, for you don't know what Il
glorious, blissful relief it is to enjoy
the company of men and women who
can assemble again and again and
talk about something beside bicycles
Washington Star.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

quarter OF an hour, the smith asked for
me tc step inside and show him something
about the work he was doing. AS soon
as he got me away from the crowd ne
came close and grew confidential
'Y'ain't thini1n' Of buyin that. critter,
air ye?" he asked in all sincerity.
well, 1 don't know. l want mule,
and that one looks all right" 1 said.
You can't tell a mule by his looks,
mister, Mules is for all the world like
women
whats the matter with him?' | inqu!r-
ed. quite ignoring the comparison.
He amt safe. Course / amt got moth
ing agin the mule nor the owner, and I'd
be glad enough for him to git the money
fer him. fer he owes me fer the shoein
of him: but l don't like ter see a stran-
ger TUX in an done up like he's tryin'
ter do YOU"
"But you haven't told me what's the
matter with the mule l insisted will
he kick?"
That's his weakness, mister respond
ed the smith, letting his voice fall to a
whisper. "You won't believe me. p'rhaps.
but I'm tellin' you he's the kickin' est
critter in the mountains. lie shore is,
mister, an / hope I may die right here
eff he can't kick the sody outen a biscuit
an never crack the crust. He kin, mis-
ter, or I'm a brother to him.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

the first time the two nations have
come together in this branch OF Sport.
Two years ago the Kingston Yacht
Club offered a handsome silver chai-
lcnge cup. The Canadian critics care
fully compared the merits OF the diff
ferent native yachts and settled upon
a winner, but the American Ruth up
set ali their calculations by showing a
clean pair Of heels to the swiftest OF
their 1ieet.
Last year the Spcok, Of Cape Vincent,
n. Y. repeated the trick, and proved
conclusively the superiority OF the
American model over that used across
the border.
The Western racers are an unknown
quantity. The Irene winner of she
Northwestern championship two years
ago, the Serious, holder Of the Wis
consin Cup and the Reindeer are the
speediest Of the lot and will compete
in trials, this winter. for the honor OF
challenging the Eastern cracks. Irene
and Reindeer are particularly fast and
able, and many believe equal to any
thing the East can produce.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
IACk EDOSI'S SAILORS.
They Find as Much Pleasure in Ice
Boatings Their Brethren Do
In Languin Cruising-Races for the
Pennant - Canadian Yachts De-
termined to Wipe Out the
"Spook's" Victory Of Last Year.
Eastern and Western Cracks.

While the majority Of yachtsmen
seek the rudy hearth-fire during the
winter months and sigh for summer
return, there is a race OF hardy sailors
who. exult in Jack Frost's piping gales
illls Ae1n pleasure ia ice boat
! as do their brethren in languid
1ner cruising.
1 the East the season practically
iAed with The new year, and 1898
Nd hundreds Of feet racers spinning
9' the famous New York courses
" Hudson River, Orange Lake and
Shrewsbury have afforded excel
IT sailing since that time, and the
ftdts Of new boats are now well de-
Trimmed Canadian and Western
CUBS have been even more fortunate
Is their lakes CONCEALED two weeks be-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
TYRANNY IN THE ARMY.
The Conduct of Some Officers is Becoming
Unbearable.
Springfield Union.

OHloii'
Uncle Sam had better turn his attention
to the army and eliminate some of the
snobbishness and eXclusiveness that per
vades our military system. Army officers
as a class are of the opinion that the earth
was made for their exclusive use and woe
to the soldier who crosses their path
either in the line of duty or minimizing
ly. 1t has reached a point now where
superior officer in the United States army
is like the King--he can do no harm, ana
no matter what his sins, he must be for
given. Only a few weeks ago the country
was scandalized from one end 10 the
other by the trial of Captain LoyerhE'
of Fort Sheridan, for brutality TO a so-
dier in his command, but it was supposed
that the incident was closed. However,
it appears that the sore spot still exists
A day or two ago sergeant who teSt'-
fed against the captain when called upon
was reduced to the ranks and now q pr'-
vate has been discharged for the same
reason What are we building up IN our
army system? Is it to be species Oh
prison life with the officers for Keepers
and the soldiers for prisoners? Has
come to a pass where TIE private soldier
must sacrifice his rights Us a freeman
to satisfy the petty spite Of his superior
officer? If captains and majors ana c''-
onels and generals are to become deSp"7
over the men who are serving their couh-
try quite as well as they then il IS ''tn7
that the army of the United States shon1
either be abolished or subjected to more
humane rules.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
BOUGHT A WHEEL.
But Hans Is Now Sorry He Ever Made the
Purchase.

-
Purchase.
A s.Gidly built young German hob
bled into one Of the police stations in
the goat district last night and said
that he wished to see the sergeant.
The visitor presented a remarkable
appearance One of his legs appeared
to have gone out Of business for the
time being, and he carried his left arm
in a sling. There YVES long strip OF
court plaster on his right cheek, and
another strip decorated the bridge Of
his nose. A lump as large as a horse
chestnut stood out On his forehead and
his lower lip was bruised and swelled
to unnatural proportions.
Great heavens, Hans What is the
matter with your" exclaimed the SER
geant as he came into the room. did
your grocery store fall in, or were you
held up by the rowdy-dowdy boys?
Tell US all about it,
20, sergeant, l vas too sick NIT der
keart almost to talk about it. | want
something's. I want Won ofe dose tings
vat stops boobies from doing some
tings.'
20. you want a warrant for assault
and battery
"Nein, nein; dot wasn't vat want
I want some conjunct1ons dot vas yot
| want"
What is that? What do you want?
Say it again"
81 want conjunction.
80, you mean an Injunction"
Yah, dots it,
Whom do you want to enjoin?"
'Vas?"
Il say, whom do you want to serve
the injunction on? What do you want
to do with it,"
Yah, want it for Julius-Julius vat
keeps der butcher store aroundt nit
der corner"
''Umph. You and Julius have had a
fight. Got mixed UP over politics, eh,
and Julius got rather the best of the ar
gument? Well, Judging from your APP
pearance it must have been pretty
strong argument"
"Nein, nein; We hat no arguments
Offer bolitics nor noudings, undt We
don't hat no fight. 1t vas Bladder den
dat. | can't catch Julius
What is the trouble between you,
them"
I've don't haf no troubles. julius, he
runs away mt mem girl Lena. he
runs away nit her etery night He vas
away nit her now
well, well. Did you get hurt chas-
ing them?"
'Nein, nein. l don't chase dem Vat
vas der use? Dey ride some bicycles
two bicycles nailed togedder. Lena,
she sits on der front seat undt julius
on der back seat, urdt he vispers lot
NIT her ear all der times. 1t ne crazy
makes ven tink ofe it.
'You have been paying attentions to
Lena for a good while, haven't you?"
Yah, puys her icecream, soda wa
ter, beer, undt pretzcls fer tree years
more as Julius. | pays for eferyting."
We'll, you should not stand such
treatment. Tell Lena she must choose
between you and julius
"Nein, nein dot Won't make no differ
ence nit Lena | tod her dat, undt
she sid dot ofe l didn't get bicycle,
wasn't in der push, undt she couldn't
lof me- She said she would carry Offer
her of to julius, who vas der poss BIZ
cycle rider. Fiery night since dat time
julius nit dot double bicycle ride by
Lenas house undt take her out riding.
Won night I meet her by der doorstep,
un6t l ask her to go nit me riding py
my buggy
Did she accept you invitation?'
"Nein, she says buggies vas only for
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
ANOTHER INDIAN HORROR

The Ute brave. Waugeshawta
Which same translated means
"The Nam Who Canrot-ENer .
Be Bluffed-O -Two-Quo+
Came from the reservation
With form all cramped ana penn
And in a city drug store
The Indian warrior went.
The clerk stood up before him.
Inquiring what he'd have.
And thus the brave made answer
An ounce of mustard saLve.
"What for?" the clerk responder
And then he did recoil
Wher the red man showed him
Upon his neck a boil.
Oh, then reporters hustled.
And many srecials sent.
And filled with deadly terror
And danger imminent.
And in the morning papers
Men read the news surprisiES'
Down in the Territory
Another Indian rising
-Memphis Commercial ApYaa
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
------------
FAMILY DIFFERENCES.

PICK Me Up.
There is a story Of the late Justice
Derman which Sir James Sawyer may
not know. A case was being tried in a
country town which turned on the recol-
lections Of the Oldest inhabitant One OF
the witnesses was a hale and vigorous
yeoman of S. whose keen intelligence
created so strong a sensation in the
court that the judge questioned him con-
corning his mode of life. The witness
explained that he was a vegetarian and a
total abstainer. The next witness was the
elder brother of the first, and fully a
match for him in strength. activity and
intelligence AS he was about to retire
the judge stopped him, with the observa-
ton: Il presume that you also, NJ.
Greenfield, are indebted for the preserva-
ton Of your strength and faculties to a
careful observance OF the same sobriety
and the same regimen which have been SO
well described to Us by your brother?'
"Hain't been to bed sober for fifty years,
my lord" was the reply.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
THOUGHT HE, KNEW HIM

Thomas Bailey Aldrich is somewhat
stouter than he was in the days wheu A7
wrote Baby Bell" Some time ago Ns
was waiting for an elevator In an ALBANIA
newspaper office, and was observed hy O."
rural subscriber, who was making a l0''
Of the building.
who is that gentleman" inquired TIC
tourist.
Thomas Bailey Aldrich."
'Well. Well, I wuz shore he WIZ inc
boss O. the big -four mill at Pney Gro's.
He's the dead image OF him:'-Times-
Herald.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
AN ASSURANCE.

81 hope" said the girls father. that
you expect to surround my daughter
with all the Injuries to which she has
been accustomed"
20, yes was the prompt and cheerful
response. I'VE have talked it over, and
We agreed that we would just as lief
come right here to live as not. Wash
lngton Star.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

ways are blocked and people still COM
ing. He locks all the Capitol doors)
"Mr. Speaker, fellow-citizens, pic
ture to yourself the patriot as he parts
from his loving family, leaving a tear
ful wife and weeping children behind
he must close his heart to sentiment as
he gulps down the big lump in his
throat and wipes the tears from his
eyes-grabs his satchel and speeds
away on the midnight train to Wash
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
INNOCENCE.

Alice-1 heard a very pretty compliment
for you to-day.
George-What was it?
Alce-Mr. Thuiston. the .~weler, SAID
you were one Of the best judges of dia.
monds in this city.
Georee-May l buy a nice solitaire fol
the third finger If your left hand?
Alice-Ch George, what made you think
Of such a thing? Well-if you-want to-
Cleveland Leader.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

gy. On trip by Pound Gap on one oc-
casion [ found a blacksmith shop az the
forks of the road, and, as usual, a half
dozen or more men sitting around ii in
the shade My turnout needed some re-
pairs, and, as the smith was pottering
about it inside. I made talk with the men
outside. One Of the men wanted 10 sell
me mule which lie had hung up on the
fence and / started in for dicker AT
ter we had been talking Ter perhaps a
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

he would take his wife to see it. He had
about SO in change in his pocket. and.
IS a matter Of pEocaution, he took along
revolver. knowing that he would not get
home until late at night After the circus
was over the old farmer spied a shell
game and tried to beat it. In about ten
minutes he had lost SIS AIS wife was
present at the performance.
She concluded that the old man had got
UP against fegular swindling game,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

as she termed It, and decided to help him
out. She took the revolver out of his
pocket and poked it under the nose of the
operator of the shell game and coolly told
him to give back the old mans money.
The gambler handed it over, and, turning
to the old farmer, she said Now, pa,
Wen go home and you can't ever go to
another circus as long as you live"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23

= stern waters. Still, mat
aIigd by the fact that the
r. la ts sI have been less hin
w. ,b;ch will reward the
M fyer is an fold, tat
%at for seventeen years
Ne goal pf every ice
American and Cana
Hudson will not be
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
He COULD KICK.
a HIule That Was "A Past Master in the

Washington Post.
Al rare intervals along the mountain
roads of West Virginia and Kentucky
the traveller may come upon blacksmith
shop. but he is much SAFER in the shoe
ing of his horse if he will carry q few
nails and tools in the bottom Of his bug
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-01-23
NO MORE CIRCUS FOR PA.

Kansas City Journal.
There was circus at Chanute few
days ago asd an old farmer concluded
The herald., 1898-05-06
CUBA'SFIRSTC CONGRESS
IS OPENED WITH A SPEECH BY
BLANCo
INTENDED TO BE IMPRESSIVE
Every Effort Made to Give Brilliancy
to the 0ccasion-The Deputies
Sworn In
Associated Press Special Wire

Associated Press Special Wire
HAVANA, May 4.-(Delayed.) )-(Copy-
right, 1882 With great ceremony the
opening of the first Cuban congress under
the autonomist government was formally
accomplished today by General Blanco.
Every effort was made by the Spanish Of
ficials to give brilliancy to the occasion.
There was a procession, an imposing mill
tary display, the streets were decorated
with flags and banners, and the captain
general made what was intended to be an
impressive speech, in the course Of which
he said that If the declarations of the
United States had been sincere, its guns
today ought to be saluting the first Cuban
parliament, instead Of threatening the
lives of its members.
The volunteers at 1880 p. m. were drawn
up on both sides Of the streets heading
from the palace to the hall Of congress,
located in the building formerly known as
the Casino Espanol. From the time the
autonomist government was established,
the Casino was devoted to its purposes
At 2 p. m. a salute Of fifteen guns from
the Cabanas battery announced the de-
parture Of the captain general from the
palace. First came detachment Of cav
airy, and then In q landau were General
The herald., 1898-05-06

perfection, than anywhere else in the
world.
This fact was emphasized by one of the
proprietors of fruit commission house in
this city yesterday.
Wont the war with Spain affect the
price of almonds?" he was asked
"Well, it may affect the prices of some
grades of almonds" he replied, Especially
the Sicily and Valencia nuts, but even if it
should, we in Kansas City would not feel
the advance to any degree. You may be
surprised when I tell you that last year
about nine-tenths of all the almonds sold
by Kansas City dealers were grown in
California. That's fact at any rate. The
almonds that grow in California are as
good for all general purpose as those cul-
tured in Spain.'
"But how about lemons?"
"If the war lasts long enough it may
affect the supply and price of them
While great many lemons are grown in
California it is only of late that the Cali
fornians have learned how to ripen them
and the supply is not SO great as it will be
in few years. But most of the lemons
which come from Sicily are carried in Brit
ish ships and so they would not be hard to
get.
GAS for oranges and bananas, we grow
the best oranges in the world and most of
the bananas are brought up from South
America in ships flying the flags of Europ-
can nations, so we could get them from
New Orleans. Folks in the east would feel
the scarcity of bananas-should any arise
sooner than we in the west, because many
of the vessels that will not risk the long
trip to New York will feel safe in coming
to New Orleans"
"We'll have to give up pineapples, won't
WEI"
"No. Pineapples, and fine ones, too, are
grown in Florida and we will have all we
want In short, there are few things
on earth that we don't produce somewhere
in the United States. We have no native
dates, to be sure, but we could get along
The herald., 1898-05-06
Used to Shaving Corpses

"During a trip through ireland last
summer" said Wall-street broker, IL
found myself in small village with no
razors. They had been packed in my
handbag, which I had left at the hotel
where I had stayed the day before. There
was no barber shop in the place, and was
in quandary as to how I might get
shaved. The innkeeper told me that there
was man in the village who occasionally
shaved people, and I determined to risk a
cut or two and send for him. The amateur
barber arrived with his razor. and, after a
little hesitation, he said to me:
"'Will you please, sir, lie down fiat on
your back while shave you, sir?'
Thinking that it was probably a custom
of the country, I stretched out comfort
ably on my back and nearly went to sleep
while the fellow shaved me, so light was
his touch. When he had finished arose
and said:
"I am curious to know why you asked
me to lie down to be shaved?'
Because, sir was his ingenious reply,
I never before shaved a live man, SIR
II may add that sent for no more ANA
teur BARRIERS to shave me during my trip
in Ireland"-New York Sun.