davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Woe to That Dressmaker.

You may talk about naval heroes and
rough riders all You like, but for super.
human nerve and colossal daring COM
mend me to woman I saw in a dry
goods shop here in town only last Mon
day morning. / had an excellent op-
portunity to observe her carefully, for
she stood precisely where l desired to
stand while she-well, this is what she
did: She asked the salesman to show
her certain piece Of red cashmere.
Then she produced from her pocket the
cut paper pattern Of child's dress and
calmy pinned the pieces to the cloth.
The salesman stood politely by, think
ing, il a salesman ever had time to
think, that she desired to ascertain the
quantity required for the garment she
intended to make, but she didn't intend
to make any garment at all. After she
had pinned the whole pattern carefully
in place, she took it off and rolled it
up. There was gleam Of triumph in
her eye.
"Thank you," she said. "That's all
wanted. I know it didn't take four
yards That dressmaker has just kept
that extra yard and half, that's what
she's done"
But my, myl Think Of dressmaker
reckless enough to try to deceive wo-
man like that Washington Post.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
TOO SURE OF HER MAN.

He Came to Tell Her Important
News, but She Beat Him on.
"There's no use Of your saying a
wordr' exclaimed the woman Of the
house as soon as she had opened the
door and glanced at the man standing
outside. ST know you"
"But, ma'am'-
st recognized You as soon as I saw
you. You CAN'T
"Ma'am''-
"You're the man who sold me q
washing machine six months ago for
Sc. so that wasn't worth shucks. II
wouldn't"-
"All I wanted to tell you, ma'am.
is''-
"It wouldn't wash anything. The
longer you used it the dirtier the clothes
got. You couldn't sell me anything
now if you was to pay me for taking it.
When a man fools me once, he won't
ever have the chance to do it again.
can tell you that. I'll sell that washing
machine back to you for 80 cents. II
doesn t make any difference what you've
got this time. wouldn't touch it with
ten foot pole, and you can talk until
you are gray. 1t won't do any good.
"Madam, yelled the man, who had
been dancing about impatiently, "your
kitchen roof is blazing where that iron
stovepipe runs up through It'll That's
what I stopped to-
"Good landl Why didn't you say SO?
What did you want to stand there talk
ing for when the house is burning up!
Run over to that grocery store on the
corner and turn in an alarml Firel
Fire P'-Chioago Tribune
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
GUARDING AGAINST FRAUD.
Hoxv London Bankers Lessen the
Chances For EmbezxIement.

How London Bankers Lessen the
Chances For EmbezzIement.
Every few people know that there are
great and increasing number Of firms
in this country--ba banking firms especial
ly-who make an infexible rule that
all employees, whether they be man
agerial heads or mere Junior clerks,
must take an annual holiday"
The speaker was one Of the best
known accountants in London, and he
continued: "The reason is that all great
employers now realize that most long
continued cases Of embezzlement and
breach of trust are only, as rule. dis
covered through the offender being COM
PEELED, through illness or some other
cause, to leave his books for time.
NEARLY all defaulting bank managers
are trapped through their enforced abb
sence, and thus it has begun to be the
rule for employers to insist that serv-
ants who have the manipulation OF
books and money must go away. Hun
dreds of sets of books come into my
hands and those Of other accountants in
this way, and / could tell you of many
cases where two or more clerks, who
could in their ordinary work play into
each others hands, are sent holiday
making at the same time.
Another fact Of the same kind that
is little known is that many employers
make a rule Of having their employees
photographed very plainly in groups
every year or two-on some occasion Of
festivity that is made the excuse-so
that the firm always possess valuable
| means of identification in case Of any
man absconding. Pearson Weekly.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
THE DOCTOR IN WAR.
Stands the Test of Courage When
ever Under Fire.

Stands the Test of Courage When
ever Under Fire.
The London Lancet has an article
about the bravery of surgeons under
fire. The Lancet's article is about Brit
ish surgeons. 1t applies in SO far as its
anecdotes go to them, but in its general
terms and its comments 1t applies to
all. We have never read Of surgeon
quailing under fire or deserting his post
in a panic, and what is a great deal
more we have never heard of sur
geon quailing before hospital or de-
serting his post, though yellow fever,
smallpox, typhus or cholera threatened
his life and surrounded him with its
horrors. There are many we'll authen-
ticated stories Of the courage and devo-
tion Of our army doctors in the field and
hospital. The latter is the much more
trying to courage and fidelity.
The excitement Of battle goes far to
keep man at his work, even should he
be disinclined for it. The long dreary
watches of the hospital, the hard and
thankless round of duty, the hourly
scenes Of horror and possibly the dis.
couraging absence Of proper assistance
and support from the administration Of
the army are what try Doctors nerve
and test his fortitude and patriotism.
We do not know why they stand the
test SO well-better apparently, on an
average, than those whose trade it Ii
supposed to be to face death and danger.
But the fact remains that they do, all
honor to them San Francisco Report.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Rad as Boston.

The cyclist was stranger in literary
Fleet street. That was evident from
the cautions manner in which he picked
his way through the half-empty thor
oughfare. It was evening. The penny
a-liner approached him.
'Slr." said he, ''your beacon has
ceased its functions"
"Sirl" gasped the cyclist.
Your illuminator, say is shrouded
in unmitigated Oblivion"
"Eeallyl Tut don't quite"
1.-THE effulgence of your irradiator
has evanesced."
my dear fellowl III
"The transyersal ether oscillations
in your incandenser have been discon-
tinued.n
just then an unsophisticated little
paper boy shouted across the street:
"Hey, mister, yer lamps outI"-I lid
Bits.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
AMERICAS RAPHAEL.
A Picture Which, 1t Is Said, Has Ye
to BE Discovered.

A Picture Which, 1t Is Said, Has Yet
to Be Discovered.
There is one picture in America
which, for convenience's sake, may be
designated "Fata Morgana. a." It is fire.
uuently alluded to and always in tone
of reverent admiration. When one is in
New York one hears Of it as in Boston.
When one is in Boston one hears OF it
as either in New York or Philadelphia.
If the quest be pursued in these cities
the picture is said to be located in Bal
timore and SO forth. What is this mys-
terious work which would appear to
be considered as the chief treasure of
art in America? 1t is a wholly imagi-
nary Raphael. I found the most rooted
conviction in all SO called "art circles"
that America is the happy possessor not
only of Raphael, but Of superbly
fine example Of that master, and, as al
ready indicated, the picture is not only
alluded to with pride, but with an ad-
miration that is akin to awe.
It is unfortunate that the picture
does not exist, except in the fervent
transatlantic imagination. In a word,
there is no Raphael in America.
Strangely enough, there are very few
forgeries even, the one or two canvases
with any approach to the manner of the
great Italian master being SO obviously
initiative that no one with any adequate
knowledge of his work could possibly
be deceived It is, however, a pleasant
fiction, and enables patriotic Americans
in Europe to enlarge upon the superb
masterpieces oversee. a.-Nineteenth Gem
&r1ru
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Nnt snneratifinna.

"Whose umbrella is that?' yelled the
conductor as he entered the smoking
car of suburban train.
The timid little man started and was
preparing to apologize for owning the
cause of the trouble when the conductor
again yelled almost in the same breath,
"Put it DOWN."
The timid little man grasped the
dripping umbrella, which he had
spread in order to allow it the quicker
to dry, and as he closed it with nervous
haste the conductor continued:
"Don't you know enough not to open
an umbrella in house-in car,
mean? Do you want to hoodoo this
train? WE'LL it's mighty lucky you
didn't run across conductor that was
superstitious, with that umbrella. or he
might have put you off. :"
The timid little man slowed the drip
ping umbrella under the seat watched
the conductor punch his ticket, replaced
it in pocket where he wouldn't think
to look for it in the morning and
breathed sigh of relief as the car door
slammed after the presiding genius of
the train. Chicago Journal.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Tbe stage I'm shnkespeare,s Time.

John Churton Collins, the distin-
guished essayist and Quarterly Review
er, has been lecturing on the theater OF
Shakespeare's time. The typical theater
then was Of wood, circular or hexago-
nal in form, being modelled externally on
the general structure Of the old amphl-
theaters for bull and bear batting The
interior was fashioned after the manner
of an inn yard. The pit was scorched
by the sun, while the actors were pro-
teeted by matched penthouse. The
scenery was supplied by the imagina-
tion of the audience, but what was
lacking in scenery was made pin noise
and hustle, things being kept very live
" in that direction. The most numer-
GUS class among the audience were roist-
ering prentices.
On the stage and in other parts were
fashionable dandies, swashbucklers,
writers and actors. These, it is inter
esting to know, always had free pass.
The play lasted two hours on an aver
age, and, considering the noise and the
smells which accompanied the perform
ance, one was, Mr.. Collins presumed,
not sorry when sthe actors dropped on
their knees to pray for the queen"
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
SOME CHRISTMAS DoNTs.

D1n't put off till tomorrow what you
CAP do to day, for the last few days be-
fore Christmas bring their own in
terests and things bought in hurry
are never satisfactory.
Don't give book to young girl or
boy just because you think they should
be fond of reading.
Don't be ashamed to give with all
your heart the little things you can
afford rather than with anxiety bestow
the dear ones that exhaust your
purse.
Don't shop with wrinkled forehead
and careworn face as if the giving Of
gifts was an intolerable pore.
DON'T give only where you expect a
return or wonder whether you will be
supposed to buy something for A B or
G. The spirit of Christm IS lies in the
loving and the giving-neyer in the
receiving.
Don't think of yourself at all, If you
can help it just now, but study your
family and friends from their point Of
view and then plan your Christmas
treat accordingly. A little thing that
one wants is worth dozen that we do
not wish for.
Don't rush in and out of The stores
as if st. Nicholas was foul fiend and
was after you: if looking and choosing.
and buying is not a joy go home and re-
fuse to spend one hour uDn it until
lis normal pleasure back again.
Don't forget that Christmas is en-
phaiically the children's high festival
ard that they have the right to be
wholly glad, once year.
Dou't fuss, don't hurry, don't wor-
ry, don't fret. Christmas has come and
gone many times and will come and go
again. Don't do one single thing, then
for at least two weeks that will jar you
in;o forgetting that 1t was the. birthday
peace and good will.
Don't neglect to make some worthy
poor family happy = especially the
children with good gifts,
Z
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Caught.

A clergyman recently, addressing
those who criticise others while they
themselves are open to criticism, told
this story: "When Twas boy, we had
a schoolmaster who had odd ways Of
catching idle boys. Says he one day:
Boys, I must have closer attention to
books, The first one Of you that sees an
other boy idle Ilwant you to inform me
and I will attend to the case.' 'Ah,'
thought ! to myself, there's Joe Sim
mons, that don'tlike. I'll watch him,
and if see him look of his book I'll
tell on him.
sit was not long before saw Joe
look off his book, and Immediately ]
informed the master. Indeed, said he.
How did you know he was idle?' i
saw him, was the reply. You did. And
were your eyes on your book when you
saw him? was caught, but I didn't
watch for the boys again. New York
Tribune.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
CURRENT EVENTS.
ABSOLUTELY PURE

Ten natives of Ohio viii be in the
next Senate Foraker, Hanna, Baker.
Carter, Allen, Kyle, Elkins, Fairbank,
Turple and Allison.
By verdict recently rendered q
Buffalo jury established the legal pre-
cedent that is an actionable affair for
one woman to say that another woman
owed the perfection of her figure topad :
ding. That is just what the Buffalo
woman did say with reference to a
sister citizen, and the sister citizen
promptly sued the defamer. She sued
her for $40, 600, which seems like a
heavy price for a few words lightly
sp ken. The jIry apparently though t
o, too, for they cut the award down to
$45. But it establishes a precedent
that spitefnl woman must heed !.
The war depar. ment has issued
statement showing that up ~ the end
of August the army of the United
States had lost 2.624 men by death.
The nj mber killed in battle was 278.
Of the wonded 81 died of their injuries.
Thirty men were killed by accidents.
The rest, 2,225, perished by disease.
Since the beginning of September about
500 more deaths have taken place, as
nearly as can be ascertained. That
makes total of about 3100. In ordinary
civil life the number of deaths in the
same number Of men, during the period
since war began, would have been
about 400. Their, fore, the cost of the
Spanish war, in American lives, has
been about 2,700 men. The list is
steadily growing. Il will undoubtedly
exceed 1900 before the military estab-
lishment of the nation can be placed on
peace footing. Possibly 5000 soldiers
must be sacrificed
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
The CheetuI.

The axis, or cheetul, deer of the Indi.
an jungle can claim TO be the most or
namental of all the 80 races Of deer to
be seen gathered together at Woburn.
In the early summer, when all the 9TH
or deer except the wapiti are either
shedding their horns or in the velvet, "
the axis are in perfection, both of color
and antlers The large herd of this spe-
cies looks as if carved out of ivory and
red gold in the sunshine and verdure OF
English scenery Their horns are almost
white. their eyes and muzzles OF JET
black, their throats white and their
backs and sides brilliant golden tan,
spotted with round dots Of pnrest white.
It is worth pilgrimage to Woburn to
see these deer alone. They breed con-
etantly, sometimes producing two fawns
in the twelvemonth. Spectator.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
A MILLION MILLION.
How Long, Think You, Would 1t Take
You to Count 1t?

HOW Long, 4VWs w O0AA - = s~-AS
You to Count It7
Professor Wagstaff, whose very name
suggests pleasing first cousinship to
Shakespeare, has lately been amusing
himself and his audience at Gresham
college by speculations as to what might
have happened if the father of our hu-
man race had given up delving and
taken to figures. Let us suppose that
Adam had set himself to count mil
lion million, or, in figures, 1000, ,O00,-
600, 900. We will imagine that he could
count three in a second, which, though
not exactly rapid ciphering, will be
found ample, if taken continuously.
Now, If 5000 years have elapsed since
the gracious amenities of Eden formed
the cradle of humanity, Adam would
have been working for 1925, 900, 600
seconds and have reached total OF
567, 648, 600, 900 figures. In other words,
his task of counting million million
would still have been unaccomplished
by over four hundred thousand millions
digits.
All of which goes to prove what?
There are many possible conclusions.
The first is, Of course, that Professor
Wagstaff is very ingenious and by no
means melancholy mathematician, but
that hardly needed proof. A second de-
duction, which we advance with all
humility, is that if Adam had only had
habitual recourse to harmless dissipa-
tion of this arithmetical kind, instead
Of betraying marital weakness and a
fondness for fruit, his descendants
would have been very much better off
morally and spiritually, though not
perhaps in material comforts. And a
third conclusion, eminently gratifying
to those who refuse to believe that there
is any serious discord between religion
and science, is that Professor Wagstaf,
no doubt man of distinction in scien-
tifio attainments, accepts without any
demur Bishop Ussher's chronology.
According to the divine, the world
was created in 4004 B. O., and that
added to the 1898 years which have
elapsed since the Christian era makes
In round numbers the 5000 years on
which the whole calculation depends.
Some wayward scientists have dog
matically affirmed that the world has
been wagging along good many more
centuries than Usher supposed, al
though there is serious difference, it
is true, in this matter between the as
tronomers and the geologists. So, after
all, perhaps if Adam had been reason
ably industrious, he would have had
time to accomplish his task, unless his
brain had given way under the strain.
Most of us have such vague ideas as to
the meaning Of large figures that it is
as we'll to be reminded by so happy an
illustration how many units 60 to the
making of a million. The only other
conceivable fashion in which such in
struction could be acquired is to become
South African ''boss" of mines and
diamonds, and that process, much as
we may desire it, is, fortunately or IN
fortunately, not open to the majority Of
us.-London Telegraph.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Time Ennurh to Reller.

One day Billy. that's my brother. be
and Sammy Doppy was playin by q
mudhole, and Billy he said:
sNow, Sammy, les play we was q
barnyard. You be the pig and lie down
and woller, and I'll be bull and beller
like everything.
So they got down on their hands and
knees, and Sammy he got in the mud
and wollered, while Billy bellered like
distant thunder Bimeby Sammy he
cum out muddy-you never see such a
muddy little feller-and he said, .sNow
You be the pig, and let me beller.' - But
Billy said, ST amt very good pig
fore dinner, and it'll be time huff fol
you to beller when yer mother sees yer
close. "-Scrap Book.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Meant What He Said.

"Yes," Eaid Mr.. Jones, when GER
tain girl's name had been mentioned,
II know her to speak to, but not by
sight"
"You rnean," cut in the prompt COR
rector-"you mean that you know her
by sight. but not to speak to. !"
"Do I9'' asked Mr.. Jones anxiously.
"Of course you do. You have seen
her SO often that you know who she is,
but have never been introduced to her.
Isn't that itf''
'sNo, that ism It it. Inever saw her al
all to know her, but / speak to her
nearly every day."
How can that be?''
"she is the telephone girl at cen.
tral. y Harper's Bazaar.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
PIaved II on the Judge.

Counsel for the plaintiff in certain
case made use during an argument OF
the word "brougham. +"
Excuse my interrupting You, Mr..
Brief, said the judge, "but in the So
ciety in which / am accustomed to move
we pronounce the word broom. and SO
save syllable. =
During his summing up the judge
had occasion to use the word "omni-
bus"
"Excuse Iae, m lud. y broke in coun-
sci, 'sbut in the society in which / am
accustomed to move we pronounce that
word bus. and SO save two syllables =
London Answers.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
"A Clever Trick.

1t certainly looks like it, but there is
really no trick about it. Anybody can try
1t who has Lame Back and Weak Kidneys
Malaria or nervous troubles. We mean
be can cure himself right away by taking
Electric Bitters. This medicine tones up
the whole system, acts as . stimulant to
Liver and Kidneys, il q blood purif,s j
and nerve tonic. 1t cures Constipation.
Headache, Painting Spells; Sleeplcssness
and Melancholy. II IS purely vegetable .,
and mild laxative, aud restores the system
TO its natural vigor Try Electric Bitters
and be convinced that they are miracle
worker. Every bottle guaranteed. Only
SOC bottle 1t Dr.. II. Vaughan Drug Esors
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
still the Ross.

They had been chums during their
schooldays, but had drifted apart. Years
after they met again.
what became of that auburn haired
Jones girl that used to be the boss ten
mis- player In our set7''
'Imarried her. replied the other.
aAnd does she still play tennisF''
querisd bis friend.
ssNo,' was the reply, and look OF
a,dnsss stole over his face. slut she's
still the boss. - Chicago News.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
welcoming Fresh Cares.

"As far as fresh cares are concerned, "
said a man of mature years, as grow
older rather welcome them. They blot
out the old cares completely and SO
show how unsubstantial they were, and
I know that in due course these new
cares will be supplanted by others and
will as completely give way to them.
Thus | am constantly reminded that
our cares really don't amount to much,
except as we imagine them great, and
I expect to see the day when l shall
give but scanty room to them and not
be disturbed by them at all. New
York Sun.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
An Eve For the Near Future

A woman summoned. to see her dying
husband who had met with street ac.
cident showed every sign of grief. She
threw herself on the floor and howled
at the top Of her voice as the man died.
Three days afterward she arrived in the
ward arrayed in the deepest widows
weeds.
"Please, I've come for pore Walters
clothes. The Lord took i'm, but 'ope,
please God, as I'll find another. Corn
hill Magazine.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
Millions Given Away.

Il is certainly gratifying to the public TO
know of one concern in the land who
are not afraid to be generous to the needy
and suffering. The proprietors of DR.. Kings
New Discovery for Consumption, Coughs
and Colds. have given away over ten mil.
lion trial bottles of this great medicine; and
have the satisfaction of knowing it has
absolutely cured thousands of hopeless
cases Asthma. Bronchitis, Hoarseness an d
and diseases OF The Throat. Chest and Lungs
are surely cured By ii. Call on Or. H
vaughsn Druggist. and get trial bottle
free Reg ular size 500. and 81. Every
bottle guaranteed, Or pxica refunded.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
He Wasn,t Afraid.

Little Tommy and his younger sister
were going to bed without light.
They had just reached the bottom OF
the stairs, when Tommy. after vainly
endeayoling TO pierce the darkness,
turned round and asked:
aMa, is it polite for gentleman 10
to precede q lady when they have to
walk in sirgle file9''
ssNo. my son replied the mother,
stthe lady should always take the lead. Z
II thought Sc, said Tommy delight
sdly; "go ahead Sue. n-Pears0n'a q
Weekly.
Middletown transcript., 1898-12-17
WHY

Why is it that free lunch is never
fresP
Whs isn't asking a mans name
question of identity?
Why isn't the bride we'll dressed who
is well gIeomedp
Whv shouldn't man bs excuse d
for being bigoted against bigotFy?
Why isn't the bump OF caution placed
on the front Of q mans headf
by does The average woman prefer
being ilealized to being UNDERSTOOD 2
Why does the man who pats You On
the back always turn bis own back to
Ii pasted2