Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-07-10

The meeting OF the Bar Association OF
Virginia was the bait that attracted me
hther. Since my arrival, have been In
formed that hotel-keepers have a lien
on the baggage of delinquent guests, and
so / hardly see how I can get back to
Richmond-with decency. All / have, ex-
cept a bathing suit, IS in my trunk. 1t
is embarrassing both to myself and those
who see me.
The lawyers here are a set OF modest
unobtrusive gentlemen, who listen pa
tiently to the long addresses and reports
which are read and never sigh or look
impatient, as they do at church. They
are polite people, too, and try their best
to make friends of the judiciary. In fact,
it is pie to be a judge at bar associa-
ton meeting. Every lawyer will lay him
self out to be pleasant to you, for the
profession would rather be at logger
heads with a buzz-saw than have a judge
down on them. They are right, too. and
l can well understand how 1t is that on
! such occasions as this the judiciary con-
! stitute the molasses around which all
| the MES SWdFHl, II WOulu DC UdIu 10 cA-
| plain why this is, but if you ever prac-
tice law you will appreciate the wisdom
of my remarks. 1 myself, although 1
do not chew tobacco, was mistaken by
| several near-sighted men for a judge,
! and during this time l had 400 cigars
| offered me. and likewise had to refuse
many intoxicants. My constant refusals.
| by the way were in imitation of the judi
| ciary. The solicitude Of my friends for
| my welfare was delicious. Nothing was
| too good for me. and If l said it was rain
| ing when the sun was shining, everybody
agreed with me and offered me the loan
| of an umbrella. This alone shows the
confidence and respect which is accorded
our judiciary. 1t beats being a preacher
all to hollow. One of these days, when
l really do get to be a judge, l expect
to have the biggest time on earth.
prominent Baptist, who ought to have
endorsed the ocean, kept me standing on
the beach for two hours yesterday while
he discoursed on the immortality Of surf
bathing and the intense economy in dry
goods which is applied to the manufac-
ture of female bathing suits. 1t was
not until he had finished his remarks that
l observed that during his whole CONVEX
sation he had taken a stand at a place
WHCic lAt ldultS toille Out u 20 III llt
water And it was not until they had
all gone back to their rooms that he
wound up his TRADE. L had begun TO
get tired of his talk just about the time
he put the cork in the bung-hole of his
face. Why this prominent Baptist took
the place he did 10 critcse surf bathing
is more than l. an unsophisticated citizen
Of rural origin, can understand. Never
once did he look me in the face while he
spoke. His eyes were always seward,
or rather towards the biped mermaids
who shocked his sense of modesty and
kept him glued, like fly-paper, to the spot
on which he stood. 1 myself don't think
ladies ought TO expose so much Of them
selves TO the chance of being sunburned,
but still, If they think it's better 80, I
shall not get Off the beach when L see
them coming. But this much 1 do say:
If were a girl (Which 1 am noO, and
retained my present dimensions, l would |
be mighty coy about venturng out on the |
sand II had a sweetheart hanging about. |
They tell me a pathetic story in this /
connection, and one which l believe is |
true. lover rejected by the maid he |
worshipped pined and grew melancholy, |
and refused food Ca sure sign of a decline |
in n nam, and lost his appetite, and
became so hopeless that undertakers were
bidding on the contract for his interment. |
AS last resort. he went to the seashore, |
and while there he happened to see his |
sweetheart when she came out of the surf. |
Her hair was matted against her head |
like seaweed mashed on pier post; one |
stocking was hanging down after the |
manner of a small boys hosiery, and her |
garments. such as she had, chung like |
cerements to her willowy form. She did |
not look beautiful. Her lover was cured. |
His appetite came back, and he has now |
cheerfully, bravely, and willingly resigned |
himself TO do without the girl whom he |
once adored Moral for women: BE sure |
or your figure and then go ahead. II |
no figure, no bath. and. at all events keep |
your stockings pulled up.
-
Old Point is awfully fascinating on ac- !
count OF the soldiers here II you do not |
believe me- ask the ladies. What / like |
about the military Is the proud air they |
have. They look like they own the earth. !
and when | see them prancing about with |
their noses smiling the ozone always |
feel an Irresistible desire TO give them a |
deed of trust on the celestial abodes. They |
ought to have everything, so as not 10 |
belly their looks. II | had 10 live my life |
over, l would be born again and study up |
on mathematics and buy corset and bus |
tie ana De SOluler. 1here'S nothing like |
the life-especially at Old Point. The |
campaign here is tremendously active If |
you also doubt this, ask the ladies.
The war has worked many changes in |
uniforms. and now, unless you study up. |
you cannot tell a general from a police |
man. / saw one man in a suit which was |
designed for service in Cuba. 1t was |
made Of brown canvas. with blue trim |
mings, and its wearer looked like a loco |
motive engineer on a Labor-Day parade |
He was very proud of his clothing and |
displayed great courage. No man who |
wears a suit ike that fellow had on could |
be anything but courageous He risked |
his good standing in the community when |
he put Il on.
1t seems 10 be the thing for soldiers to !
discard collars nowadays. In the place |
of this uncomfortable article, a handker- |
chief is substituted. j saw several young |
cavalrymen with yellow handkerchiefs |
around their necks, and the artilerymen, |
who have red trimmings on their uni
forms, wore crimson handkerchief At |
first l attributed this singular fashion TO |
carbuncles and boils. but by and by, when |
! saw so many victims of the same COM |
plant / investigated, with the above re-
suits.
They are very strict about letting you |
into the fort nowadays. You may be a |
Spanish spy. Everybody who doesn't tell |
everybody else his business Is supposed |
TO be spy, presumably because a man |
who can keep his mouth shut must be up |
To something mean. The presumption is a |