The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1898-08-04
DoOLEY IN DOUBT.
Cannot Make Up His Mind What to
Dc with the Philippines.


f. p. Dunno in Chicago Journal
Il know what I'd do If was Mack" said
Mr.. Hennessy. I'D hist a flag over tn
Pn.hppeens an I'd take in tn whole lot iv
An yet said Mr. Dooley It's not more
thln two months since We larned whether
they We're islands or canned goods Ye'er
turn r-round without buttin' tn woodshed
on tn premises, an we wuddent go out to
IN stock yards without takin' out a policy
on yee r life. Suppose We was standin at
tn corner iv State sthreet an Archey
r-road, wud We know what car to take to
was TO ask We where tn Phlippeens is cud
ye CIV him any good idea whether they was
In Rooshia or jus wist iv tn thracks?"
Mebbe | cuddent," said Mr. Hennessy.
naughtily, but I'm FIR takin' thin in, amy
so might / be-" said Mr.. Dooley. III I
cud ony get me mind on it. Wan iv the
worst things about this here war is tn
way it, maxim puzzles FIR our poor, tired
heads. Whin l whit into ii / thought all
Ia have to do was to set up here behind
tn bar with good tin-cint see-gar in me
teeth, an toss dinnymite bombs into tn
now. Th'war is still goin' on an livery
night. whin I'm countin' up tn cash I'm
it to tn c1bans? viii i'' take Porter Rick sy
Philippeens? Oh. what shud j i do Y with
know where they ARE. l can't let go iv
do:
There are eight thousan' iv thin islands
with population iv wan hundred millyon
naked savages, an me bedrooms crowded
now with me an tn bed. How can / take
thin in an how on earth am / goin' to
cover tn nakedness iv thin savages with
:.le wan shoot iv clothes? An VII 'twould
break me heart to think Nv giVin people L
nlver see or heerd tell iv back to other peo-
pie don't know. An if 1 don't take thin
S ScihrWartzmelster down tn sthreet, that has
nall me trade already, will grab thin sure.
1T amt that I'm afraid ~ not dom tn
fright thing in tn end, Hinnissy. Some
mornin' IN wake up an know JUS what to
do, an that I'll do But It's tn annoyance
~ tn manetime. I've been re-readin' about
tn country. TITS over beyant yeer left
shoulder whin yeer facin' east Jus throw
yeer thumb back an We have it as ac crate
as amy man In town. T1s farther thin
It's near Chny, an it's not so near, an
II a man was to bore a well through firm
thin again he might not It's a poverty
sthr1cken country full iv goold an precious
stones, where tn people can pick dinner
on tn threes an ar-re starvin' because
they have no stepladders. TIL Inhabitants
Is mostly nagurs an Chinnymen. peaceful,
industhrus an law-abidin but savage an
bloodthirsty in their methods They wear
no clothes except what they have on, an
each woman has five husbands an eacn
man has five wives. Tn r-rest goes into tn
discard. tn same as here. TIL islands has
been owned be Spain since befure tn fire.
an she's threated thin well they're now
up in arms again her except a majority
Nv thin which is thruly loyal
In natives seldom light, but whin they
get mad at wan another they r-run-a-muck
Whin man r-runs-a-muck sometimes they
hang him an sometimes they discharge
him an hire a new motorman. TIL women
ARE beautiful, with langushn' black eyes,
an they smoke see-gars, but ar-re hurried
an incomplete in their dhress. 1 see a
pitcher iv wan tn other day with nawthin'
on her but a basket iv cocoanuts an hoop
skirt. They're no prudes We import juke,
hemp, cigar wrappers sugar an fairy tales
firm tn Philippians, an export six-inch
shells an tn like. Nv late tn Philippians
has awaked to tn fact that they're behind
tn times. an has received much American
am minition in their midst. They say tn
Spanyards is all tore up about II.
II Earned all this firm tn pa-apers, an
know tbs sthraight An yet, Hinissy, 1
dinnow what to do about tn Ph'lippeens
An I'm all alone in tn wurruld. Iv'rybody
else has made up his mind Ye ask amy
conductor on Ar-rchy r-road an he'll tell
We. Ye can find out firm tn pa-apers, an
If We really want to know. all We have to do
is to ask prominent citizen who can NOW
all tn lawn he owns with a Safety razor.
But / don't know"
Hang on to thim," said Mr.. Hinnessy,
stoutly: What We've got we must hold
Well said Mr.. Dooley. IF / was Mack
I'd lave 1t to George. Id say: George I'd
say, if ye'er FIR hangin' on, hang on it is
If we say Fave go, l dhrop Thin. Twas
George won thin with tn shells, an tn
questions up to him."