The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1898-02-25

thcy BOO oO Wcii hhOWu 'huo thta
names were put into the papers
every time they came to towp, and
M my people would rave over their
tragedy and shakesperean plays,
when they don'tknow Shakespeare
from Guy Fawkes. But / din't
think l could handle tragedy. l
don't like the way "Hamlep ends;
for after all his gallivanting around
with the girls, and after going TO
all the Fourth of July celebrations,
and after he attended the county
fair and blew in all his money on
striking machines and cane racks,
what does he do but take dose of
rough on rats and then passed in
his checks. / don't like that kind
of ending. L don't like cabbage,
either, but still prefer any kind
Of cabbage to rough on rats. also
thought somewhat of tackling Si
mon Lagree in "Uncle Toms Cab
inn, but | didn't have the whiskers,
and as it would have taken several
months to grow sufficiently fierce
set, concluded to make my debut
in comedy.
made my debut in suit OF
tights which were made of an ex-
pensive kind of gunny-sack and fit
like the outer garment of a Dutch
stuffed sausage. 1t fit to suddenly
and made me uncomfortable. L
didn't know for sure whether | was
going or coming and il embarrassed
me very much. | blushed about
the size of red bandana handker-
chief five or six times in rapid sue
cession. People noticed it and
thought it was stage fight. | do
not like tights as regular costume
but the audience was delighted.
They were still more delighted
when l stepped On the leading
lady's train and then got tangled
up in the scenery.
provoked great deal of mirth,
but not at the funny portions of my
remarks. Folks looked saddest
when they should have been pro-
voked to laughter, and when l was
the most solemn they cheered and
laughed and cat-called in manner
that was very coarse and unrefined
Indeed. They were really great
deal more enthusiastic and demon
strative than the occasion required,
and when came before the cur
tain to bow my nowledgements,
/ got a pint of green peas down my
neck and didn't need them, at all,
L am willing to pay for what i get,
but l woul prefer to have folks
await my order. ] also got some
cheese and do not believe it was
feeling well. 1t was strong enough
but other odors emanated from IL
that never coul come from q
healthy cheese. A great many
rude people 60 t, shows and dis
courage many rising actors who
thus spend their lives leading the
brindle steer to water and sprout-
ing potatoes in the cellar in the
gcntle springtime. ! may be one
of them. / have failed as a comed-
ian, bat | may yet succeed as Little
Eva in a Uncle Toms Cabin.
They never fail.
[ do not care for the money there
is in the show business, because L
do not really need for money as
long as my wife is well supplied,
for then | know that it is safe-in
the hands of the first person who
comes along with something to Sell
for which we have no earthly use.
But l would like to be an actor Just
long enough to travel over the
country to tell the hotel keepers
what l think of their coffee and
their stewed peas.
l wonder what hotel coffee is,
made of. There is no compound
that l have discovered which will
brew the decoction served on hotel
tables, 1t is thinner than dairy
milk and yet it would corrode
| sledge hammer. 1t has no taste
, that can described, yet it will give
. a sawbuck delirumtremens There
is nothing one can put into it mod
, ify it and If you could change the
taste, it would be worse as you 90
! along. l have never yet run across
any hotel coffee that was any bet
ter than any other, but haye seen
a great deal that was worse. 1t is
made that.way, but like the riddle
of the Sphinx, nobody will ever
know how.
My failure as an actor gals me
much, but the thought that shall
never be able to tell the hotel men
what think of their coffee and of
: their stewed peas worries me more..
and thew will tell ma what tbo,,