The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-01-25
FLASHES OF Fun.

Lighthouses. from theatrical PONY
OF view. always indicate breakers
ahead.
Kate-I think that Cholley has some
thing on his mind. Polly-lf he has. he
must be good ut balancing
Journal.
said the relieved farmer. Il think the
world would be greatly better for II
good shower"
Gabber-What does your son do for Il
living? Nabber-He's scientific box.
or. Gabber-A pugilist? Nabber-No;
undertaker.-Life.
First Seaside Belle-But how can you
be certain that you are his first lover
Second Seaside Bellc-Well. he only
got down here last night!-Sketch.
She-f know I'm cross at times, John;
but. II had my life TO live over again.
| should marry you just thc same. He
have my doubts about that, my dear
Frlend-Well. Ethel, how do you like
married life. Ethel enthusiastically
It's simply delightful. We've been
married Il week. and have had eight
quarrcls. and got the best of II every
time.
"Mein FrauleIn. l love YOU" said an
impecunious German youth ut a Ham
burg ball. Excuse mc-yonder is my
business manager" replied the young
lady. pointing with her fan to her
father.
Clara-IIow under the sun did Edith
happen To marry Mr.. Awkward? Dora
He was the bane OF her life ut every
ball she attended. and | presume she
married him to keep him from wanting
TO dance with her.
81 wonder" said young lady, "why
Hymen Is always represented as carry
Ing torchT" To which an old bachc-
Tor sneeringly responded: ''To indicate
that he always makes 1t warm for peo-
pie who marry"
Women somehow get over childish
notions that men never outgrow. Some
men celebrate the anniversary of every
birthday as long as they live. while
women abandon the childish custom al
most as soon as they grow up.
What did her father say when you
told him that you wanted TO marry his
daughter, Rlvers?' well, Banks, he
didn't absolutely refuse, but he impos-
ed very serious condition" What
was it?' He said he would see me
hanged first"
His Fellow Feeling Paterfamllias-
Look here. Dick. you've been bit wild
yourself In your day and I'd like some
advice. What am | to do with Harry?
The young rascal exceeds his allow
ance every month. Cousin Dick-In-
crease it.-Chicago Journal.
Seeker observe that Professor
Stage has been lecturing on How TO
Become n Christian Athlete" / won
der what that means? Sageman-That's
an easy one. a Christian athlete Is
one WHO Is continually jumping from
one religion TO another.
Mrs DE Pink am amazed. sir. that
you should propose TO my daughter.
Why, she has only just left boarding
school, and you have not known her
week Young Man-True, madam; but
have known you for some time, and
everybody says your daughter takes
after you.
The Londoncr-Our universal provid
ing houses are so large that n small
boy has been known to outgrow the suit
he bought in the rear Of the shop while
walking 10 the street door. The Chica-
goan-Huh! We have got department
houses so big in Chicago that the floor
walkers all have to use blcycles.-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Madam" said young lady to her
at cchnnI uNfr
Bellfair has come TO take me out TO
drive. May 20, MADAME" You know,
miss. that our rules do not allow It.
unless YOU are engaged. Are you en-
Gagged TO Mr.. Bellfair?' "N-no: not
exactly; but If you let me go, | shall be
by the time we get back"
DO you believe in third party?"
asked old Dimming referring to the
political situationl Of his daughters
beau. as all three sat I'm the parlor.
We'll" replied the young man, who
had not called TO discuss politics. 81
wouldn't have thought of asking you to
retire; but since you mention IT. Mr..
Dimmick. / will say that Ii Is the gen
eral belief that two are company"
II don't believe | quite understand
your conception" said the judge to the
bicycllst; at seems that the prisoner Is
n house-mover; that he was moving a
small frame house at the time of the
trouble; and that you ran into the
house | can't see what offense he has
committed" But, your honor" pro-
tested the blcyclist. II rang my bell
when l was half block away. and lie
paid no attention TO lt."-Detroit Jour
ual.
Female Anti-Sa Don Crusade.
The statute of limitations has barred