The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-06-26

ton by insane persons. Every article
that is IN 1t is written by person who
is insane. That is why one of the ad
vertisements which adorns the first
page is really deliciously humorous
when it says: Sensible people subscribe
for the Lancaster Argus"
There are five hundred patients in
the St John asylum, so there is plenty
of material to choose from for the tai
ent with which to furnish material to
Fiji up" The average person who
reads 4 newspaper, particularly in the
rural districts. finds much pleasure in
sending various communications to the
country editor, with the memorandum
that he needs something to I'LL up
with" Now all the people who do this
have some employment. Therefore, the
ques ion naturally presents ITSELF what
must be the situation with five hundred
persons to contribute, who have moth
ing else to do?
The Argus bears the proud title of "a
Journal of scientific industry" Just
where the science comes in is NOT
eXa tly clear, but there is certainly evil
dence of a desire to do something to
make the motto seem appropriate, as.
for instance, the statement which treats
of the science of obtaining dinner for
one cent. That would surely puzzle a
great many persons who claim to be
entitled to considerable reputation in
the scientific world. There is a story
about how the aerial torpedo is going
to destroy towns and armies, and there
is another about elephants at work
PLENTY OF ADVERTISING.
The advertising department of the
Argus evidently receives the keenest at
tention, for there is plenty Of it, and
in great variety. Various arguments
are presented throughout the columns
of the publication with the view of in
hue1cing the circle of readers. Here is
one that displays great erudition and
exceeding learning: Put your add In
the Lancaster Argus. 1t circulates over
large area Of the cosmogony." Then
here is another statement sure to in
nuence the mind of any one who cares
to give 1t patient thought:
The Lancaster Argus. An elegent.
moral and refined miscellaneous family
Journal. Devoted to polite literature.
wit and humor, prose and poetic gems
and original matter written expressly
for this paper. Nothing of an immoral
nature will ever be admitted into it's
columns, therefore making it emphat-
ically a paper for the million, and a.
welcome visitor to the home circle"
And all this Is available for only
% cents per annum.
Under the delicately insinuating cap
ton, Pas Capable?" appears the fol-
lowing literary GEM We received
gracious invitation to be present at
graduating exercises at the Insane hos
pital, Clarinda, To-, of the noble ninety
six class of the epulotic. gallant, in
trepid Hawkeyes and ravish-
ingly lovely and bewitchingly
fascinating Hawkeyesses, but the
breVity of the notice and great dis
lance involved would have required
our being catapulted thither through a
pneumatic tube at vertiginous veloc-
1ty, contraindicated by the cerebras-
thenic condition of our cerebral nerve
centers. Compelled reluctantly to deny
ourselves anticipated pleasure"
Again on the same page appears this
convincing appeal to the summer re-
sort proprietor: 1.-THE Lancaster Ar
gus circulates now in nearly every
state In the Union, thus touching the
very cordial core of the business Ev-
cry hotelkeeper in the Lower provinces
should card his caravansera in the Ar
gus and reap harvest of gold shekels
this season. Verbum sap" 1t is very
evident that the advertisement writer
of the Lancaster Argus knows his bus
mess.
SIMON PURE MANAGES.
There is no disputing, however, that
the Argus is an established fact. The
accompanying illustration gives an ex-
act idea of the truth of this statement.
1t is reproduced from a photograph
taken expressly for giving additional
interest to this article Every person
seen in the picture, with the exception
of the bearded attendant who, wear
Ing uniform cap, stands against the
window, is a simon pure maniac 1t
seems hard to realize, looking at these