The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-03-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

'How can man tell when he is
really in love?' "Well--a man is
really in love when he thinks he
doesn't eat or sleep. p."-Puck.
She--"You never think of me whit.
You are staying out so late" He
''My dear, that's one reason 1 stay
out SO late. indianapolis journal.
cts hahd, said Uncle Eben, 'foh
er man ter excuse boy foh bein' as
foolish at eighteen years oh age as he
wah hissef at twenty-five. Wash
ington Star.
"Stickenlooper gets his moneys
worth whenever he buys newspaper"
'Iu what way?" "He eau read any
joke four times before he sees the
point. Puck.
Count Spagetti-"I have come to
ask for your daughters hand in mar.
riage. 1 love her" Mr.. Common
stoch-"But what makes you think
on't?"-Puck.
"What's the difference between
wages and boodle?" "Well, wages is
money man earns and sometimes
doesn't get; but Doodle is what man
gets and doesn't earn. Detroit Free
Press.
Editor-'T cannot consider your
contribution; you have no reputation.
Poet-"Ah?" Editor-"Yes: go aud
impose on two or three lesser editors,
and then I'll talk with you. Detroit
Journal.
Fearful destitution up at the Klon-
dixie" said Biggs "Awfulp' re-
turned Wimbledon. 'I'm told that a
wooden-legged man up there had to
chop his leg up into toothpicks. -
Harper's Bazaar.
81 believes" said Uncle Ebeu,
''dat de human race would be con-
sid'able wiser an happier eff you could
git 'em to foller an Argument as easy
as you kin git 'em to foller n circus
puhcession. ."-Washington Star.
cone big trouble bout runnin dis
here world" said Uncle Eben, lis
dat it's de man who honesty realizes
de full importance oh a responsibility
dat is mos likely to be little shy oh
ncceptin' it. Washington Star.
Friend-"Poetry is drug on the
market, isn't it?" Poet-"I should
say notl" Friend-''The I am misin-
formed" Poet ''Your informant
probably never tried to sell poetry or
buy drugs. Buffalo Commercial.
"Mr. Snowman" " said au inquiring
individual at the menagerie, "can the
leopard change his spots?" eyes, sir,
replied the individual who stirs up
the wild beasts; "when he is tired of
one spot he goes to another. Tit
Bits.
First Arctic explorer RI have al
ways considered Columbus a some
what over estimated man." Second
Arctic explorer "Why?" First Arctic
explorer "He discovered America
the first time he went to look for it. "
Puck.
Usher-"Complaint is being made
as to that bonnet in the third box. "
Manage the matter with
it?" Usher" Several ladies on the
opposite side OF the house claim it is
so swell they can't see the stage. -
Chicago Chronicle.
''This coffee, my dear, " said Kickles,
reminds me of what mother used to
make" "Does it really?" exclaimed
his wife, pleased look coming into
| her face. eyes; aud she used to
make about the worst coffee ever
drank. "-Boston Traveller.
Mrs. Gfeen-"What bad-behaved
children those are of the Briggs! 1t
was disgraceful the way they fought
over the last piece of cake at the table
last evening" Mrs. Browne-"Thats
queer. My children never begin
quarreliug till the last piece is gone, "
Boston Transcript,
''No," said the rich old bachelor,
81 never could find TO marry"
"Well," replied the young woman
with the sharp tongue, 81 am not
surprised to hear you say so. It
certainly would have taken a good
while to persuade any girl to have
you. New Orleans Times-Demoerat.
Great Picture-buyer TO hostess)-
"What do you think of an artist who
painted cobwebs on the ceiling SO
truthfu,ly that the servant wore herself
into an attack of nervous prostrat o J
trying to sweep them down" Hostess
Ia woman of exporieuce)-"There may
have been such an artist, but there
never was such Il servant. '-Iit-Blts'