West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1898-07-28
The Best Homiiy Ever Written On
tthe Subject. By Past Master OF
the Art
This Sermon Is Dedicated TO The Old
Maids. Old Bachelors, Widows,
Widosars aud Particularly
To the Young Men and
Women Who Practice
Cupid'S Art.
Published by the Request or Several
Young Ladies. Who Never Tire OF
The Old, Old story.

Brann's Iconoclsst for November,
1897, published at Waco, Texas.
and makes such goUd reading that
we cheerfully give nc space in our
columns aud recommend . careful
reading by all tho young folks, aud
specially tho widows, widowers. old
maids aud old bachelors. and then
III they practice some Of 1t, the
world will be lots happier and
Cupid in need of an assistant to
keep up with the rush in his line
of usiness.
William Cowpsr Braun, the
author of the following we'll written
article, was killed recently in
street duel. in Waco. by Capt.
Davies, who began firing on Brsna
from behind. The latter killed his
cowardly antagonist aud with four
bullets in him. walked to the Police
Station and gave himself up. aud 1t
was only after he had tainted from
loss of blood, that his wounds
were discovered. He died that
night from n bullet in his lungs.
lie was only about forty years
old and no Drawer or more gallant
man ever lived aud his brave soul
went over the Great Divide without
q tremor.
This article is from his pen in
his lighter moments
l note that q Britishsr named
PROT. Bridger has been infringing
my copyright by proclaiming. as
an original discovery. that kissing
is an excellent tonic and will cure
dyspepsia. When the DER busy
bacterioIogists 6rst announced that
OSCILLATION was dangerous pas
time. that divers and sundry VA
rieties OF bacteria hopping blithely
back and forth engendering dis-
else and death. l undertook a
series of experiments solely in the
interests of sciences. Being Bap-
tist preacher aEd making camp
meetings my speciality, had IN
ususl opportunity for investigation,
for those Of our faith are strict con
stractIonists OF the Biblical law to
greet one another with kiss" /
succeeded in demonstrating before
the end of the tenting season that
oscillation, when practiced with
reasonable discretion and -un-
faltering industry. is an infsllibIs
antidote for at least half the ills
that human flesh is heir to. The
reason the doctors arrived at diff
ferent conclusion Is that they kissed
Unfortunately and reasoned IN
ductlvely. Thew found on casting
up the account that bad breath
and face powder, the sour milk
bottle of youth and the chilling
frost of age, comprised six-sevsnths
of the sum total. Under such
conditions there was nothing to do
but establish Q quarantine.
pointed out, as Prof. Bridger has
since done, that q health microbe
as we'll IS a disease bacillus midi
6cates on the oscalatory apparatus,
and added at failure TO absorb
sufficient quantity of these hygio-
logic germs int the system causes
old maids to look jsundiced and
oil bachelors TO die sooner than
benedicts. Kisses, when selected
with due care and taken on the in
sstallment plan, will not only re-
store misplaced appetite, but are
especially beneficial in cases Of hay
fever. as they Danish that tired
feeling, tone up the liver, inyig0
rate the heart, and mske the blood
20 sing thro' the system like giant
.jewshsrp. ] found by patient ex
pertinent that the hsslth microbs
becomes active At 3. reaches ma
turity at 20. begins TO lose its yigor
at 40. and il quite useless as tonic
when, as some one has tsrsely ex-
pressed u, womsn's kisses begin
to taste Of her teeth." Thin
blush lips produce very few health
germs, and those source worth the
harvesting. bnt q foil red mouth
with Cupid curves at the corners,
will yield enormously IL the crop
be properly cultivated. did not
discover whether the blonde or
brunette variety il entitled to pre-.
csdence ia medical science, but
tDoliBe to the opinion that q judi
cl0us ajmixture ~ most advisable
from a tbereapeutical standpoint.
Great care should be taken when
collecting the germs not 10 crush
them by violent collision or blow
them away with loud explosion
that sounds ike hitting an empty
sugar hogshead With 9 green hide.
The practice still preYaillng IN
many parts Of THE country Of
ecb ssiug q young woman over the
furniture and around the barn like
an amateur cowboy trying 70 rope
- maverick. rounding her up ia the
presence Of dozen people, nm
tacfewinQ her neck and uianfinO