Mesa free press., 1898-10-28
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"What's good to stop shed of hairr'
"Have 1t shingled." Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Wise-They'll never get women to
join the army. Mrs. Wise-Indeed! And
why not? Wise-The uniforms are all
alike!-Puck.
Is developing. How is 1t with you?
Ammunition manufacturer-Bo Booming.
thanks.-Town Topics.
Here's an egg with two yolks; isn't
that bad omen?' mo; that doesn't
mean anything. It's just yellow ex-
tra.' .'"-Chicago Record.
angie actually wears suspenders on
her boomers" "Why not? Probably
she is trying to brace up and be man."
Philadelphia Bulletin.
She-I noticed Doctor Singleton call
Ing at the house of that young widow
almost every day. She must be pretty
Ill. He-NOt Ill; only pretty.
Assistant-This critic finds fault with
the prima donna for uncertainty Of at
tack" Manageable ought to be
around when she tackles me.-Puck.
"Mr. Johnsin, does you know whar de
sailors got dot name Of 'tars' applied to
them" "Sure; in some pitched bat
tie, of course, sub. princeton Tiger.
"You are my sum-" he breathed, pas
sionately. "Have you noticed that late
ly the sun has a ring" she inquired,
with delicate blush.-Town Topics.
docs Aunt Rebecca take an interest
in the war;" "Yes; she says she hopes
the guns won't be near enough to dis
turb her sitting s."-Chicago News.
Hardluk-My life reminds me Of the
career Of golf ball. Feltz-Why? :?
Hardluk-Because 1 am helped out Of
one hole only to get into another-Ba-
zar.
$50 your wife went without a new
gown to buy silk fag-what touching
patriotism" "Well-partly that and
partly because she wanted to out-shine
her neighbors."
One War Correspondent is one
religious.rite could delight in. Anoth-
er One-And what Is that? One War
Correspondent Swinging a censor
Minneapolis Journal
when l proposed to her she asked
me If l was a new recruit" what
did she meanY' "She wanted to know
If had ever participated in an engage
ment before. Chicago Record.
'They tell me your wife is particu-
larly fine housekeeper." "Excrnciating-
ly so. I've seen that woman sprinkle
the clock with insect-powder to get rid
Of the ticks. detroit Free Press.
Patriotic Customer-Yes, I'd like to
buy that flag you just showed me, but
the price is too high. Can't you come
down a couple of dollars? Dealer
What! Lower Old Glory! Never.-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
"Where on earth could she have
picked UP so Insignificant man for a
husband?" II haven't any exact In
formation, but he looks as If he might
have gone with pound Of tea."-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
$50 Kallseum has got the part of
walking gentleman in the new play. I
wonder how he will acquit himself"
First rate, 1 should think. It's been
his way of getting from one town to
another these many years"
What Is your honest opinion con-
cerning Americans?' inquired the in
terviewer. "Let me understand" re-
turned the eminent Frenchman. "Are
we speaking with reference to the Gu
ban affair, or the exposition in 19OOY
Uncle John-They tell me that your
friend is terribly awkward fellow;
that he doesn't know enough to eat
with his fork. Theodore Shouldn't be
surprised. He has always eaten with
his mouth when have been with him.
Counsel Ito witness, the father of
| family)-Why are you so certain, Mr..
Smith, that the event occurred on such
date? May you not be mistaken?
Impossible, sir. 1t was the day I
didn't have to buy any Of my children
a pair Of shoes"
Servant-NO one, ma'am, exceptin'
tramp. He wanted somethin' to eat,
but told him there was nothin' ready,
an he'd have to wait till the Teddy Of
the house got back from the cookin'
school, an mebbe she'd make him
somethin'. Mistress-Of all thingsi
Did he wait? Servant-No, ma'am. He
runned.-New York Weekly.
An old Scotch minister was often
obliged to avail himself Of the aid of
probationers. One day young man,
vain of his oratorical powers, officiated
and on descending from the desk was
met by the elder with extended hands,
and, expecting high praise, he said:
'No compliments, l pray" INA, ma
na," said the minister, "nooadays I'm
glad 'onybody."
"AIistuh Pinkley," said Miss Miami
Brown, what is dis here diplomacy?"
"Well, dunno whethuh kin transpar-
ify de question SOS you'll see froo it.
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