Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1898-10-13
FUNNY MANS TRIALS

esYou see.'' said he, II went upstairs after
dinner to change my clothes, preparatory 70
q snin on my wheel. got out OF my pusi-
ness garments and had gotten into outing
clothes inst as far as my shirt was concerneo
mo farther. At that moment my Wle
waIked into the room with our youngest,
lusty infant Of year, in her arms. Inc
bow was lifting up his voice in bowls OF won
drous depth. 80
"rHere, hold him, please, John and see
If YOU can't quiet him. she remarked, drop,
ming him onto my shoulders as she passed
through the room burriedly. i must get
dressed as soon as possible Then sne ieit
me. :. ,e,t..Lr
of a family, clad in one garment-my snlrv-
sternly walking up and down the room,
irving to quiet crying child, who soDped
| and walled and shrieked because ne waneeu
to 20 'by-by.' / couldn't put him down INTO
| a chair because he wouldn't stay there t"o
aMv wife was making her quick toilet
in the next room, and SO could hot De ootn'
cred.
"The baby wouldn't let me get into even
nv trousers as long as had to hold nm.
1.-THE nurse had gone out on an errand.
'sThere was nothing left but to put on a a
hold front and nonchalant air-l couldn
nut on my clothes, you know-and continue
to,walk the baby.
sIf that had been all there was to It,
could have borne the odium OF the analr
with Christian fortitude. But the hall nas
not been told. There were onlookers. Gan
YOU imagine anything better calculated 70
appeal to the risibles Of the bystanderses,
Can YOU think of anything more likely to MI
the victim with chagr:n than to be oiscoV'
cred in such plight as mine!
"But discovered ! was, and lost accord
incly. At the fifth turn about the room, en-
fant terrible still Justify bowling, my ED
est hopeful, aged ten. thrust his round, curly
head in at the door.
@sSay, pop, kin n Willy Price g down
to- (snickers). o,
"eWot's tn matter with yure close. popy
More snickers.) =,
aMy wife now appeared at the door OF her
dressing-room, showing her arms into a fresh
" starched shirt waist, and with her mouth
full of hairpins-
"'Can't you quiet him, dear? If wasn't
in such an awful hurry-oh, how funny you
do lookl' swallowing two hairpins as she
burst into laughter-laughter with me, mind
YOU, as its object me, the sober, serious
minded father of her infant that was caus-
ing all this disturbance.
"If you could only see yourself, she
said. family, after half hour given over to
peals of merriment. 1t seemed half hour
but maybe it was only FIVE minutes.
Madame l replied, with such dignity
as | and my one garment could muster
your mirth strikes me as tribe unseemly
not to say uncharitable, when you note my
helpless, not to say critical, condition. How
much longer. may inquire. will 1T take yol
to dress?
"'Oh, John, you are simply too funny FOL
anything. III hurry, dear, Indeed, l Will,
wiping her eyes with the hounce OF her pet
ticoat, but if ever there was good sublec
for the cartoonist you are one now.
az don't doubt it, was my grim reply
} But if it's all the same to you, I'd like to &c
, at least my trousers on.
my Oldest son and the bad Willy Pric
then appeared again. at the hall door. Com
bined smokers, many OF them.
"'Ain't pop funny when he's tryin' to lool
sober ,thout his clos on?' said Freddy, il
4 a sepulchral whisper that the little rasca
knew would hear distinctly.
N On u tQluk ne uu pun uV"h eAc nv ~
huff t get on his pants whispered bac
Willy, with more smokers. prolonged thu
% time.
Is "Maybe he likes it; maybe he's just DOR
G. Il to cool hisself. Let's ask him. Say, pop, ar
l. yuh trying to get cool 'thout yur close on
ST "eYou boys go right straight away fror
tthat door. Freddie, you can 60 with VIII
I, down to the baseball lot, if you don't sta
hut nm hf,ur buf remember"
'sWhoops of delight from both. They lei
precipitately, Freddy calling out:
Say pop, I'll be back in halluf an hor
m hold the kid fur yuh while yuh put 3
yer close, if yer want me tuh,' as partn
shot.
} "Then / heard shrill whistles outside, an
knew that my friend Scorcher had arriye'
ready for our evening spin. And still tt
infant bawled on. Scorcher hates to wal
Lcouldn't 90 to the window and tell him n
disabled condition. | couldn't get dresse
and 20 downstairs. was just on the poil
Of lifting up my voice in a mighty yell
explanation, when heavy steps sounded G
the stairs, and knew my fate was scale
I II ever Scorcher saw me in my present plgh
I'd never, never hear the last of it. swur
the infant over my shoulder, rushed to Il
hall door. locked and bolted it, while Score
er's footsteps came nearer, till they pausi
outside the door. He knows the ways of Il
house and often comes upstairs.
"'Hello, old man. Most ready? Evenin
are getting short now. Hurry up. What "
got your door shut for? Can ! come in?'
Yes, yes; in Just minute | reptile
You see I-the-ldesperately baby
taking bath and my wife shut the door
!. keep out the draughtp
VI "'All right, III wait downstairs. but ma
IN, haste, won't your
sa HE went off, while savagely paced t
ses floor and muttered maledictions on ever
res body's head that could think Of, includii
~ my own.
il Clara, for heavens sake hurry up
. called in desperation, going to the door
my wife's dressiug-room. There was no
sponse / gave the door shove with n
IL foot, and strobe IN, TO find it empty. S
had gone without ever coming to my relie
= Heartless trick. wasn't it,
u. you can imagine something Of my
las spair. Manwaiting ilnpatiently below Til
,n flying. | undressed Baby-I looked doy
at the child. which had suddenly ceased