The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1898-04-20
THE POST OFFICE
How che Man-AbOut-Town
Would Enjoy 1t.
SALARY NO OBJECT
But Look at The Fun There is In 1t.


I want to become postmaster. Not
politically, but because 1 am quniifi-
cd, and because think the govern
ment needs my services. / came
pretty near being appointed this
time and would have been, IL Nc
Kinley had not changed his mind
and appointed the other fellow. 1
wrote him long and very interest
ing letter, explaining how ] had
worked for the party, in season and
out of season, and how had carried
banners in parades and made speech
es in his favor, many times when
there wasn't soul but myself and
the janitor to listen. / work IL diff
ferently now; carry the key to the
hall myself.
After telling Mckinley what i had
none to earn the postoffice, and how
popular would be as postmaster.
1 also asked him how his garden
''sass" was coming. on. He wrote
me very polite note, saying his
garden was doing very nicely. He
must have forgotten that had writ
ten about the postoffice, as he never
once referred to it. Maybe he meant
to ignore my request. AT any rate. l
took it so, and haven't written him a
line since. 1 am quick at taking
hints. can be just az independent
as he can, and have scratched his
name off my mailing list altogether.
I am not sure that shall vote for
him the next time.
But 1 can stand 10 if the govern
ment can. The country is the loser
by not taking advantage of the offer
of my services.
| I shall not despair. 1t does no
good, and is a great deal of fun for
the other fellow. 1 would not des-
pair, even If L knew how. Despair
does well enough for boy who is
dead in love, or whose liver is out of
order, or who has lost his marbles,
but do not believe in despair for a
defeated candidate for postmaster.
want to be postmaster merely to
enjoy myself. I do not care for the
salary, nor do I care to have the
Office because would have mon
opoly of the business. T wanted it
purely for fun. like to see people
who never get any mail come and
ask if there is anything for them,
forty times day, and then look dis
appointed when told that there is
nothing. They not only never ex-
: pect any mail, but wouldn't. know
what to do with it if they got any,
and would drop dead with nervous
, prostration if they should happen tc
:. be surprised by gettinga letter some.
times 4'"
And the man who is always telling
that he never gets anything but duni
through the mail, but wants you tc
infer that he never got one in his life
The man who gets many duns. doesn'
, say much about it, and takes his
} mail and quietly sneaks to his place
of business the back way. Ialso en-
; Joy the man who gets a paper ant
insists upon reading to the balanc,
of the crowd, and yet cen hardl,
spell out the words for himself. Th,
: man with the strong breath, wh'
smells as if he had been eating raw
, polecats, comes up close and tell
me, confidentially, something tn,
/. whole town already knows, bu
wouldn't have cared a cent if it hat
never found it out. Most people dc
that. They tell me their little con
fidences after everybody else has
lost interest in them. like that
1 get good fifteen cent whiff o
3 their breath, and am happy
3 Also the man who Is expecting ,
letter, and gets mgd at the postoffic
department, from delivery clerk t
9 the postmaster general, and swear
, he will never vote the ticket again
He looks at the postmaster as If h
thought he had swallowed his lett er
and he expects the entire mail ser
: vice to stop work and hunt it, when
j if the truth were known, nobody owe
] him letter and he would be una bl
q to read it II he got one.
@ The fellow who hangs in the de
livery window, arguing about buy
ing dimes worth of stamped en-
> velopes, while thirty or forty peopl
are waiting. to transact business tha
:, amounts to something, also appeal
: to me, and should like to be post
0 master just long enough to bite ,
! huge chunk out of his rubber necl
and make room for the procession
The smells emanating from d GROVE
of postoffice loafers is enough to com
. pensate one for his time. The peo
pie who never get so much as a pat
ent medicine circular, are the wors
kickers when the mail Is late, or i
the mail Is not distributed to tn
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