Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-03-27
IN REMINISCENT MOOD.
visions of Boyhood Days. Spent on the Old

l.
Wa a boy.
,u. the frequent sight of my sisters
IMMORTALITY seated with their sewing
n some delightful shade, while [ was
l,rced 10 toll with fork and rake in the +
nlstering not hayneld, often caused
,ie 10 lament the tate which seemed tc
rave SO unJustly Disseminated IN their
Llyor
used to purloin the rattan hoops
sam their skirts and slyly smoke them
Hiatt fashion III some sequestering re-
-eat while bordering deeply on the |
IA ming problems of life that sur
,assed my comprehension.
Boys lives are fraught with numar-
or- incidents both varied and unique
mile experiences that in veal Or woe
,sint themselves in fadeless colors On
-he mind and hang through all after |
anne in the mental picture galleries OF |
,hclr owners.
While Just now passing along with |
rtostlike tread between the closely
1,gtured walls of my own spiritual art
museum my special thought was drawn !
W a panoramic set of views which |
made me smile while l passed before |
fhe vivid flashes.
They represent a row of well fed, ,
mild faced COWS in the Inter" of |
.arqe. old fashioned barn built of |
massive square oak timbers smoothly |
bewn by some past master of the broad !
AK. each tenon and corresponding NOR
rise deeply scored with the mystic |
characters of the old mechanics, ana
Tie time defying structure covered |
with wide boarding that portrays the |
bvgone. giant trees of New Englands |
pumeval forests.
h is early morning and the bovines |
oppressive eyes, forward canted ears,
catering of tossing horns and step
Djng hoOfs, together with temporary
cessation of their girl-like gum chew
ing greet the expected coming of
gaping youth with milk pals dangling
from his swinging arms
From a nearby corner is heard Il !
pleading bah. that is quickly answer f,
od by the solicitous m-m-m MN Of an |
anxious mother beside whom the !
dreamy boy places low three-legged |
stool upon which he sits down with |
d bounce, and clasping his legs around |
a nail proceeds to extract a portion OF /
The milk at hand ere the impatient calf |
il led along to its FESTIVE parent, that |
instantly puts her muchsoiled foot |
into the pail and sends it spinning |
away behind her.
This rude interference rouses the |
lads latent Ire, completely banishes |
sleepiness from his mind, and induces |
MIN to give her a thumb jab in the |
side Then while proceeding after the |
lost pail. he admonishes her in i'm
pregsiye tones, to sensibly beware of !
the wrath TO come.
At this juncture of the conflict the |
unwelcome presence of his father APP |
oears upon the scene of stormy action. |
The old gentleman of large stature and |
heavy whiskers pauses lmpressively, |
and seeks to know the cause of all this |
considerable commotion so i'll attuneG |
to the lovely morning and merrily /
singing birds whose worshipful vol |
ume of rich melody comes waiting
freely in through the wide open door.
That new mich COW kicks" briefly |
explains the irate boy.
That COW kicks" replies the father |
8ith eXasperating assumption of mere |
lulity in tone and manner; why, she |
don't kick. She's as gentle COW as | |
ever had in the barn.
This makes the boy boiling mad |
clear through from head to foot, and |
be drives away. with much muttering, |
into some other of the multifarious |
chores While his father deliberately |
picked up the pail and with a sooth- |
ing, coaXing voice, says so, SO boss !
So as he confidently seats himself on |
the stool in proper position, and, softly |
stroking the COW for bit, proceeds to |
milk her.
The much interested boy listens |
painfully to the two streams of tactical !
fluid pouring forcefully into the pail |
with strong and alternating regularity |
to the accompaniment of the mild, COO
ing sound Of so, so boss, so, be still, |
boss.
But presently his heart is made to |
leap with the JOY if vindication.
A terrible clatter of gyrating milk !
pail, revolving stool and slipping feet, |
followed by dull, heavy jounce on the |
floor tells the tale in full during a |
hrief and supreme moment of eventful |
time but not a word is spoken, save |
IL be on the part of willy Mrs. Cow, !
who, with mischievous countenance, |
prorudes her nose and gives express |
sion to a long-drawn MN m-m-
Then the wicked boy quickly impos- |
cs his evil and in turn, unwelcome |
presence into full inquiring view, just |
as his unfortunate parent having ris- |
en- from an ignobe layout in the vile |
mixture of milk and fertilizer, swirllng |
along the chestnut plank sluiceway, |
stands with crestfalen demeanor MT |
ully striking filth from his clothing |
ind heartlessly exclaims; why, |
what's the matter, father? That COW
don't kick She's the gentlest COW IN |
the barn, you I-now! "-Weymouth Ca
zette
NEW ONE ON THE BARKEEPER.
man shambled into Fourth |
street saloon the other day and lined |
MP in front of the bar. He Rlaced ,
one foot upon the rail and then CALLED
70 the bartender. =
Nix me a tinroof," said he. +
What's that" queried the startled |
barkeeper
Mix me a tin roof Wha's the mat
tor with YOU, anyway"
m afraid that's a new one on |
ne You'll have to explain.
Don't YOU know what tin roof |
Is YET? Well ei' me the stuff an III
mix it m'seh. Gil me some whisky, |
some vermouth, some bitters, an a |
tittle gum. I'll show you.
he articles were forthcoming, and |
the lmbiher of tin roofs proceeded |