Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1898-03-22
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Heather parents throw their chill
dren to the crocodiles. License voters
throw theirs to the saloons.
>: ~
LOST-Twenty-tive dollars. Had
it, but it's gone. For what? Whiskey.
No, that's not all. What else? Dis
organized system sour
stomach, drowsiness, loss of will
power and self-respect.
License. high or low, is a fraud and
sham! It is a fraud upon the liquor
traffic If it is right, and it is a sham
as temperance measure. It is wrong
in principle. But some say, ''we can
not effectually prohibit this business
anyway, so we will vote for ljcense.'
There was fellow out west who
owned a calf, and the man had ten
year-old boy who carelessly let the
bars down and let the calf out of the
lot, and the calf strayed on the rail
road track and an engine came along
and struck it dead. But the owner of
the calf was somewhat vexed. He
sued the railroad company and after
having away the price of a hundred
calves, the company beat him and the
man got so angry that on coming
home from the trial he said to an old
church deacon, "Deacon, I am going
to get even with that company.''
''How?" said the deacon.
II am going to burn the bridge
crossing the chasm just outside the
town.
'Why!' said the deacon, "you
would never do that. would you?"
Eyes," he said, 81 don't propose
to let any rich corporation run rough
shod over me. -
And the next night the old deacon,
IN telling his wife about it, said the
fellow intended to burn the brid ge that
night at nine O'Clock, and the time
came around, and the wife who was a
member of the Woman's Christian
Temperance Union, said that they had
better go down and see about it: but
the old deacon said he would not burn
it; he was just in a passion when he
said he would. "Well," she said,
''let us go down and see about it any
way" So they started down toward
the bridge. and sure enough, the fell
low was there, anG he had just fin
ished saturating a portion of the
bridge with kerosene oil, and just as
they reached him he felt in his pocket
and found he had forgotten to bring
matches. He turned to the deacon and
asked him for a match: and the deacon
said, "What are you going to do with
the match?''
"Going to burn the bridge"
: ."Well,' said the deacon, eff 1
loaned you a match. l would be as
guilty as you are.'
"Wel], deacon, there are plenty Of
matches. l shall have them if | want
them. I know where can buy match
es at twenty different places, right
here in the village. You can't sup
press the sale Of matches. Now, I
want one bad, and I want it just now.
I will tell you what I will do, deacon,
I will give you a dollar for a match. -
"Well,' said the deacon, "are you
going to burn the bridge anyway?'
"Why, yes'' said the fellow, 81 told
you last night I would burn it, and
you might just as we'll have a little
revenue out of this trans action as any
body, don't you see? I am going to
burn it anyway"
"Well," said the old deacon, I'll
you are going to burn it anyway, that
puts an entirely different light upon
the whole question" And he reached
in his pocket for match, and his
wife canpht hold Of him and said