The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1898-01-23
Jiggles and a G-less Scale.

It lacked just two days of the wedding
OF the Prince of Ness and the Princess
Phersonia when King Reno. Phersonia' S
father, became prey 10 melancholy, and
called Professor Labette. his chief coun-
seIlor, TO him. and asked
VIII this marriage be happy one?''
Eyes, your majesty"
You have examined the stars. studied
their palms. chemically analysed the per-
spiration from both and investigated the
color OF their eyes with the optoscope
Good And what do you find the issue OF
this wedding will be, happy or unhap-
py?''
Happy, ny lord"
DO the stars. the palms. the eyes all
say so7'
mot exactly. my lord"
Then. why say you that this marriage
will be happy one7"
For the good reason. my lord, that
Phersouia is a healthful, mentally sound
young woman, and that the Prince is
likewise a man
Right" said the King, arising entirely
satisfied Right feel better. Ny rev.
erend father, the King. knew what he
was about when he conferred the title OF
P. II. S. on you"
So the King and Labette parted. And
there is a story about this same Labette.
He was not only NJ. A. and Phi. D. and
an LII. D., but he was a P. II. s., and
the only P. H. S. In the kingdom. The
comforting of this exalted title upon La
bette all came about in this way. King
Harper, Reno's father, Phersonia's grand
father, when quite an old man, was told
by his physicians. that his nerves were
much disordered and that he must not
let anything disturb him. The very next
day he was sitting in chair with his
hands on the wooden arms thereof, listen
ing to the court pianist, when suddenly
he yelled:
Stop Stop!"
The musician stopped.
ooh" cried the King. MY poor
nerves! Something made the arms OF
this chair jigglei''
II suspect" said the musician, that
the arms of your majesty's chair are in
toned on a certain note. and when
strike that note on the piano the arms
of the chair vibrate in sympathy"
Run the scaleT roared the King. The
musician started the scale.
Stop" roared the King. 1T jiggles
again! What note is that?"
&c natural" answered the musician,
striking it.
"oohr' cried the old King. That's it!
Call for pen and paper"
Now, when pen and paper were brought
the old King issued a proclamation de-
creeing that never again must the note
of G natural be struck. sounded or sung
in the kingdom while he lived.
Then the musicians all over the king
dom began to compose music without any
G's in it. The piano manufacturers be-
gan to build instruments with the key OF
- tilt V-.re
one string and the guitar several frets.
So far, so good. But the officers armed
themselves with tuning forks and went
out into the country and whenever they
found a cow mooing on the note of G
natural, they killed her; or a jackass
braying in that key. they killed him
roosters also lost their lives in great
numbers. So many country people lost
valuable stock that a great army of folk
pressed into the capital and demanded
justice beneath the windows of the King 5
palace.
TheoId King stepped out on the balcony
and demanded to know why he was dis
turbed.
When the mob was quieted an old farm
er, who was never heard from again,
stepped forward and said;
Your majesty, we mean you no harm,
but we want justice. Your officers are
swooping across the country killing off
all our animals that make any noise
whatsoever in the key of G natural. and
so Jealous are they that in many in
stances think they catch and kill many
a poor animal who is only F sharp or A
fat 1t isn't right. 1t is impoverishing
US"
Then, in calm voice the King told
about his chair and about how it jiggled
when the note of G natural was sounded.
Now" said he, concluding, What am
1 to do? If my nerves are perturbed, I
die If G is sounded, that chair jiggles
and it will kill me. Now. would you rath-
er have a lot of old cattle killed. or me?"
The King said this with such pathos
that the people wept and cried in the
midst of their tears: Long live the
King! Let the Devil take the cattle!'
Now" said the King, unless you can
suggest a way out OF this, you might
better go home"
Thereupon the mob dispersed and the
King went into his palace and wept, "Oh,
my poor people"' he stormed. What
misery am I causing them! But what
can 1 do? What can I do? The order
must be enforced
Just then two guards stalked into the
room, dragging between them a young
man, a student in the university.
Your majesty" explained one of the
guards, I'VE found this young man and
discovered that he can not talk in any
tone but G. Other people who have talk
ed in G have quit, but this young man
confesses that he does talk in the key Of
G., and says he can't talk in any other
key, and what's more. he doesn't intend
to-"
What say your demanded the King.
angr1ly.
"Oh. your maje@-." cried the guard.
He demanded before we should kin him
that he be given audience with you
Go ahead" said the King, Il give you
a minute"
"Oh, mighty King said young La
bette. the captured student. Il can solve
your trouble"
Go on said the King. impatiently
your majesty has excitable nerves.
True Your majesty has a chair True.
Your najesty's subjects in great num-
bers sound the note G. True. The note
G iiggles the arms OF that chair; the
chair jiggles your majesty's hands. and
that iiggles your nerves Now
Young man." said the King. Il stud
led over this question for three weeks
myself. and II was too much for me"
Listen went on Labette. your
majesty can not destroy the jiggie that's
intangible; you can not destroy your