Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1898-06-10
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He-Darllng, l wanted to take you to
the theater tonight, but | felt that
couldn't afford 1t. She-Never mind,
dear. We can go tomorrow night
Life.
Henpeck-I have troubles Of my own.
Mrs. Henpeck-But you are the partner
OF my woes. Henpeck-Yes, silent, as
In everything else.-Cinclnnat Times
Star.
"The doctor would like to see you in
side" said the maid to the caller in the
reception room. "Not muchw said the
startled patient: "he can't try any X
ray on me.p-Yonkers Statesman.
II hear that the crowd nssalled you
when you appeared at the Plunkvllle
Opera House." False, me boy. false"
replied the eminent tragedlan. Mr..
Barnes former; "all false. There was
nc crowd."-Indlanapo Journal.
Did you hear of the e.accldent which
befell your brother?" Accident? No!
Not serious, hopei" We'll, rather.
An idea struck him, and now the entire
upper part of his head is paralyzed."-
New York Herald
Mr.. Isnacs-I sells you dot coat at
grad sacrifice. Customer-But you say
that Of all your goods. How do you
make living? Mr.. Isaacs-M Mein frient.
makes a small profit on de paper and
string.-New York Weekly.
"What intensely red hair that young
man hasr' exclaimed Maud; I'm sur
prised that you seem to like him so
WELL" "Oh," replied Mamie. 81 don't
like him very well. never invite him
to anything put pink Washing
ton Star.
The quest for truth Mr.. Monterey
1t used to be said that Truth lies at the
bottom of a we'll" Mr.. Esplanade-I
know. Mr. Monterey-Now It lies at
the bottom of Havana harbor, and div.
ers are trying to bring 1t up.-Plttsburg
Chronicle Telegraph.
Gargoyle back in town after a years
absence)-When went away, Jones
and Brown were rival suitors for Miss
Twitter's hand. Which proved to be
the lucky man? Glanders-Can't tell
that yet. She married Brown only a
month ago. Ask me again In about
year.-Life.
Flick-Call him musicianl Why, he
doesn't know the difference between a
nocturne and a symphony. Flack-
You don't mean it? And they hurry to
get away from one another. Each Is
terribly afraid that the other will ask:
by the way, what is the differenceT'-
Boston Transcript.
mo, ma'am said Meandering Mike.
I'm sorry, but its ag'in my principles.
can't split no wood" "Well," she an.
swered, there will be load of coal
here this afternoon, and" I'm sor.
ry ag'in; but can't carry no coal. But
Ill tell you what will do-I'll compro.
mise. Eff you've got gas-stove, III
turn on the gas."-Washington Star.
Here, you've been telling me all
along" said the bright-faced young
wife, what a wonderful cook your
mother was; and now your Aunt Jane
has just told me that your father was
chronic dyspeptie" "Well, you see."
the young husband murmured, with a
deep sigh, mother learned by practic-
ing on father. cleveland Plain Deal
er.
THAT young man of yours" said the
observing parent, as his daughter came
down TO breakfast, should apply for
a Job in dime museum" "Why, faith
err" exclaimed the young lady, in tones
of Indignation, what do you mean?'
II noticed, when passed through the
hall late last night" answered the old
man, that he had two heads upon his
shoulders. Chicago News.
Foster-So her father refused to con.
sent to your marriage with his daugh-
ter? Biglin-No, that's just the deuce
Of 1t. He gave me no answer when l
told him what had called for, and told
me If didn't leave in less than two
seconds. he'd kick me out. What's to be
done with a fellow who will wander
off in that way from the subject of dis
cussion ?-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Greene-AIy husband is such a
thoughtful mani He always goes
down into the basement kitchen to
smoke Afrs. Gray-And lets the smoke
come upstairs into the dining-room
through the dumb waiter. Mrs. Greene
Yes, but that's because he is absent
minded, poor man. That has nothing
to do with his thoughtfulness, you
know.-Boston Transcript.
Attorney-Yo You say you had called to
see Miss Billings and was at the house
at the time the burglary was commit
ted? witness-Yes. sir. Attorney
Then how did 1t happen that when the
prisoner dashed into the room and as
saulted you, you leaped through the
window and went home, making no at
tempt to defend the lady or give the
alarm? Witness-I thought 1t was her
| Eather-I.ife.