The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-09
HUMoR OF THE DAY.


vile Journal.
Judge-"Why did you steal the COM
plainant's turkeys?" Prisoner-"He
had no chickens, your Honor. De
troit journal.
She--"Why is it called the silver
moon?'" He-"Because it comes in
halves and quarters, l suppose. -
Chicago News.
Bacou--"And he's kind-hearted, is
he?" Egbert- -"Kind-hearted? Why,
don't believe he ever said an unkind
word, even to an alarm clockr
"What would you do if you had only
ten cents in the world, Kitty?" 'I
would buy caramels with it to raise
my spirits. Chicago Record.
Doubtful: Spendley-"Well, if my
money should go, dearest, you'd still
have metz Mrs. Spendley-"Don't
you be too sure about that!"-Puck.
Instruction: Johnny - "And does
the gasmeter measure the quantity Of
gas you use?" Papa-"No, my son;
the quantity you have to pay for. -
Puck.
ma, is there any pie left in the
pantry?" "There is one piece, but
you can't have it,. "You are mis-
taken, ma, I've had it."-Clevelan
Plain Dealer.
"He told me to get off the Garth.
What do you suppose he meant?"
"He seemed to think that you needed
bath, evidently" - Louisville
Courier-Journal.
"You may fetter my body" he
shouted, "but my mind will wear no
chainw In other words, the wheel
in his head was of the '9S PATTERN
indianapolis Journal.
Customer lin restauranD -" This
beefsteak must be at least three weeks
old, isn't it?" Waiter--"Don't know,
sah Use only been heah two weeks,
sab. Chicago News.
Raggs-"Say, do you believe that
story of the goose laying the golden
egg?" Jaggs-"Well, it would be
Just like goose to do such foolish
thing. Chicago News.
Sloper las Miss Eastlake, his in
htnutN, lihlolto a. oOApl W hub "
voicew Duncan (who has been re-
jected by Miss Eastlake)--"Yes, what
voicDl''-H Harlem Life.
ANorth of England paper says; eve
have adopted the eight-hour system
in this office. We commence work at
o'clock in the morning and close at
in the evening. ."-Tit-Bits.
Matilda you spoken to
papa?" Bertie-"Yes; l asked him
through the telephone and he an
swered 4 don't know who you are,
but it's all right. Pick Me- Up.
Not Necessarily: Walter - $50
Bilker rents that forty-dollar-a-month
house of yours, does he? He pays
/ too much rent " Landlord (sighing)
You don't know him. Puck,
"Men's promises, the young wife
said between sobs, are like pie-crust
-. That's tough, said the young
husband, anl then she got angry
enough to cry.--Indianapolis Journal.
The Klondiker who returns with
$1,000 in gold dust usually estimates
the claim left behind at $500, 600. 1t
is well to keep these assets in sep
arate class.-St. Louis Globe-Demo-
crat.
Bride-"Counting your change,
George? 1t has been au expensive
trip, hasn't it?" George - CHATS
| right. IL looks rs il this honeymoon
would soon be of its last quarter. -
Puck.
Rapturous Youth -- Darling, my
salary is $40 a week. Do you think
you could live on that?' His AZ
fianeed--" Why, yes, George, can
get along on that. But whatll you
live onY--Chicago Tribune,
Bingham--"Bonner is 80 aggrayat-
ingly self-possessed. " Rawlins--
eyes. lie could wear a checked golf
suit at a wedding and carry himself rs
though the groom was a mere caddy."
Philadelphia North American.
Il have been complimented a great
many times on my stage presence, "
said the amateur with disposition TO
monopolize things. YES replied
the weary manager, you're all right
on that point. What you want TO cul-
tiyate now is an occasional stage alb
sence. Washington Star.
Robbins-"W What in the world does
Hardy Upton mean by wearing a win
ter oyercoat and summer suitY'
Dobbins-"Why, report got around
that he had to soak his summer suit
before he got his winter oyercoat out.
Hardy is trying 10 prove that the re-
port is unfounded. Puck.
Colonel Blood, says the current
issue Of the Weekly Battle Ak, "has
called at this Office and demanded a
retraction of our remark that he was
famous liar. We retract cheeriully
and fully, and do SO by hereby stating
that the esteemed colonel Is an in-
famous liar. indianapolis Journal
Clarence "Genovieye, why will
YOU not hear me? Cau't You see that
/ am dying for your love? Tell me,
tell me that you will" Genevieye
(interruptingl -"Oh, please so away
aud come some other time when I'm
not busy, Can't you see that I'm
right in the middle of thls murder
oaseg" Cleveland Leader.