Evening star., 1898-05-28
TWILL BE A TASTY ARMY.
Mr.. DOOley Airs His Views on I'll
Subject of Appointments.

Mr.. DOOley Airs His Views On the
Subject of Appointments.
From the Chicago Journal
"Well, SIR" said Mr.. Dooley, 81 didn't vote
f'r Mack, but In: with Kim now. I had me
doubts whether he was tn greatest mill
tsry JANUS iv tn cinchry, but they'se nc
question about it. We go into this war, II
We iver do go into 1t, with tn most fash'n
able ARMY that liver creased its pants.
Twill b, daily mint firm Paris to tn crool
foe.
"Other gin'rals iv tn trough h-house kind,
Ike Napoleon Bonypart, tn impror iv tn
Frnch; Gin'ral Ulis s. Grant, an Cousin
George Dooley, hired coarse, rude men that
wuddent know tn ff'rence between goluf
an crokay. an had their pants tucked in
their boots an chewed tobacco be tn
pound. Thank hivin, Mckinley knows bet
ther thin TO sind tn likes iv thin abroad
to shock our frinds be dumpin' their coffee
into thimsilves firm saucer.
Th dure bell rings an a futman IN liv'ry
says: I'm Master Willie Docselbery's man
an he's come to be examined fr tn
ARMY. says he. Admit him. says Nc
Kinley an Master Willie inters accompa-
MED be his val-lay. his nah an pah an TIL
comfy IL tn goluf club. Willie says tn
President, we ar-re intherng upon a glory
Gus carrier, an tbs nicssry that ye shud
be thurly examined SO that ye can teach tn
glorieS 1v civilization TO tn tyr-ranieS iV
Europe that is supported be ye'er pah an
NAH, he says. ''Twud be a turr' BILE thing,
he says, ii some day they shud meet a
Spanish ginral in Mahdrid an have him
say to thin: Il seen ye'er son Willie durin'
tn war wearin' a stovepipe hat an tan
Shoes Let us begin tn examinashion,
he says ARE ye a good goluf player I
am, says Willie. Thin 1 appint We lift
rant. What We need in tn ARMY is good
gcluf players he says. In our former
VI hoI h ofCf0 ~
Lave men in command that didn't know tn
difference between goluf stick an a bee
cycle. an what was tn raysult? We foo
zled our approach at Bull R-run,' he says.
Are ye mimber iv amy clubs?' he
says. Four says Willie.
., Thin l make ye, major:' he says
w mere dye get ye'er pants" he says
Firm England. says Willie. 'Gloryous,
says Mckinley. L make ye a colonel he
says. Let me thry ye in tactics he says
suppose ye was confronted be a Spanish
ARMY in TIL afthernoon, how wud ye
dhress% he says. I'd wear a stovepipe hat
pants says Willie. An If tn attack was
be night? he says. I'd put on me dhress
shoot an go out to meet thim says Willie.
A thuro sojer.' say Mckinley. Suppose tn
sCciable lasted all night?' he says. I'd
sound tn retreat at daybreak an have me
brave boys change back, he says, to suit
able appar'l.' he says. 'Masterly says Nc
kinley. will sind ye'er name in as a
VI isahei gin iai, he says lHdHh HdWu,
tn r-rich.' he says. is brave an pathri-
otc, he says. 'Ye will jine tn other boys
fl m tn club at Tampa he says. 'Ye shud
be careful iv ye'er equipment he says. 1
have almost iv-rything r-ready,' says Will!
lie. Me man attinded to thin Details he
says. But l fear L can't go to tn fr-ront
immejetly,' he says. Me pink silk pijam-
mas hasn't arrived he says. Well says
Mack, wait FIR thim,' he says. I'm anX-
ious fr to ind this hor BILE war he says.
which has cost me nanny sleepy night,
he says, but 'twud be crime fr to sind Il
sojer unprepared to battle he says. Wait
fr tn pijammas. he says. Thin on to
war; he says, and let ye'er watchword be:
''Raymimber ye'er manners"' he says.
"'1hey'se man out here. says tn pri-
Wit sicrity, that wants to see ye. he says.
He's r-rough-looking charakter' that was
in tn 500 war he says. His name is
Gin'ral Fiteum.' he says. Throw tn stiff
out. says Mack. I seen him in Pennsyl-
yania avnoo yisterdah r-rdin' in sthreet
ca-ar.' he says. 'Ah. Willie. me boy, he
says. It's little ye know what throuble l
have firm these vulgar sojers with pants
that bags at tn knees. Give me a goold-
tipped cigareet an tell me whether shirt
waists is much worE in New York this
year
.Yis Hinnissy. we'll put tn fastest
ARMY in tn field that iver come out iv d
ordher thatll mean somethin. Th'
ar-rmy'll be followed by specyal cores
pcndints firm Butthrick's Pattherns an
Harper's Bazaar, an if our brave boys dom
gore an pleat TIL inimy twill be because
tn inimy'I be r-rude enough to shoot in
al ny kind iv clothes they find on tn chair
WI in they wake up