Marietta daily leader. (Marietta, Ohio) 1895-1906, 1898-10-12
DOOLEY ON INDIANS.
The Emeraldine Philosopher Thinks
the Redskins Are Doomed.

|
smartest men we liver had" said Mr..
Dooley. He said so nanny bright
things. Twas him said: War is
he'll an that's wan iv tn finest say
ms l know anything about. War is
hell It's true wurrud an fine sin
timent. An Gen'rl Sherman says
'Th' only good Indyunisa dead Indyun,
An that's good sayin', too So, be
tn powers, we've started in again to
improve the race, an if we can git in
Gatlin' gums enough before the winth-
er's SHOWS we'll TURN thin Chippe-
ways into cimitry branch iv tn
Young Mems Christyan Association.
We will so.
"Ye see, Hinnissy, tn Indyun is
is bound f'r to give way to tn onward
march iv white civilization. You an
me, Hinnissy, is tn white civilization.
come along an find OIL Snakes-in
His-Gaiters livin' quite dacint in a
new frame house. Thinks l it's a
shame f'r to lave this savage man in
possession iv this fine abode, an him
not able f'r to vote an without a
frind on tn polls force. So says 1:
Snakes l says, get along, says l, I
wants yer house an We best move out
West iv the tracks and dig hole f'r
ye'erself,' l says. 'Divil tn fut will
step out iv this house. says Snakes
1 built it an l have tn law on me
side he says. 'F'r why should l take
Mary Ann an Torrance an Honoria,
an Robert Immitt Snakes an all me
little Snakes an rustic out west iv tn
thracks, he says, far frim tn bones iv
me ancestors he says, an beyond the
watherpipe extinsin, he says. Be
cause says l, 1 am tn walkin' dele
gate iv white civilization says I'm
jist as civilized as YOU says Snakes.
1 wear pants he says, an a plug hat
he says. 'Ye might wear tin pairs
says l, an all at wanst,' l says, an
ye'd still be savage says l, an I'd be
civilized l says, If l hadn't on so
much as bangle bracelet l says. so
get out, says l, 'fr tn pianny movers
is outside r-ready to go to wurruk,' |
says. .....
We'll, Snakes he fires a shtove lid
at me an l go down TO tn polls sta
tion an says 1: Loot says, 'theyse
drunken Indyun not votin' up near
tn mills an he's carryin' on outrage
Gus an he won't let me hang me pitch
ters on his wall, says l. Vile saw
age says tn loot. I'll tache him to
rayspict tn rules iv civilization he
says. An he takes out a wagon load |
and goes after Snakes. Well, me |
frind Snakes gives him battle, an
KNOWN the primises we'll he's able to
put UP gr-reat fight, but afther
awhile they rip him away an have him
in tn patrol wagon with a man sittin'
on his head. An thin he's put under
bonds to keep tn peace, an they sind
him out west iv tn thracks an move
into tn house an tear out tn front an
start a faro bank. Some day when I
get tired or tn Swedes drive me out
Dr. Schwartzmeister makes his lunch
90 sthrong f'r competition, I'll 60 af-
her Snakes again.
"Th' only hope f'r tn Indyun is to
out his house on rollers an kep a
cam hitched to it, an whn he sees a
white man to start f'r tn settin' sun.
Hes rooned whin he has a cellar He
'ught to put all tn plugged dollars
hat he gets from tn agent an he
)ickin' blueberries into rowlin' stock.
+ he knew anything about balloons
led have chanst, but we white men.
has all tn balloons. But. I
lnyhow, he's doomed, as Hogan SAYS. {
Ph' onward march iv tn white civili-
alton with moredges an other mod ;
fern improvements is slowly but sure
y, as Hogan says, chasin him out, an ;
h last iv him'll be livin' in a divin'
'ell somewhere out in tn Pacific :
OCEAN"
WELL said Mr. Hennessy, the stout
'hilanthropist, Il think so, an thin
gain, l dinnaw. l don't think we
nreat thin Fright. If was tn gov
,rnment I'd take what they got, but
d say Here, take this tin dollar bill
IN go out an dhrink ye-ersilf to
leath,' I'd say. They ought to have
ome show"
Well" said Mr.. Dooley, "if ye feel
hat way ye ought to go an inlist as
In Indyun.", 5,a' ~
..s, Digby Bell.
The "Hoosier Doctor" was PLAYED