Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1898-03-18

Amy tSuylyl-SO, IN COMPASSION, l.
kissed him. Mamie-For PHYS sakel
New York Journal
'Do you know don't think much of
Mawson." "You don't have to. You
can size Mawson up in two seconds"
Brooklyn Life.
Reggy-Aw-Miss Guace. youah al.
ways in my mind. dontcher know. Miss
Grace-Goodness! that is worse than
living in a Up-to-Date.
He-She told me l was the light of
her heart. SLe-Then what? He
Well, her old man came down and put
the light out.-Columbus Journal.
Her Father-Haye you heard my
daughter sing, young man? Edwin
(nervouslyl-Ye-es-sir-but in spite Of
that--I should like to have her, sir
Ally Sloper.
Tommy-A lighthouse is a sign OF
rocks isn't it, paw? Mr.. Fight de-
ponds on whether you are referring to
the seashore or the drama.-Indian-
apolls Journal.
Sallie De Witt-Do you play whist,
Mr.. Lange? Willie Lange-Me play
whist? Well, l don't think. Sallie De
Witte-Ah, true! had forgotten that.
Brooklyn life.
'No, never take the newspapers
home; I've family Of grown-up
daughters. you know" Papers too
full of crime, eh?' NO, too full of
bargain sales. Truth.
Edith-She sings like canary. Ber-
tha-0h. no. canary begins to sing
when people commence to talk; people
commence to talk when she begins to
sing Boston Transcript.
The Missing Evidence. Hattie
Maude doesn't show her age at all,
does she? Ella-No but yc1 can see
where she scratched it out of the fam
lily Bible.-Chicago News.
Tommy-Paw, what sort of fighter
is a Cyclone fightery Mr.. Figg-I
don't know much about fighters. but
suppose it is one who goes blowing
around. indianapolis Journal.
his oplHioH- W nat are you uoiuS,
Jimmie?' "Readin' tn dictionary
through" How do you like it?" "Oh,
some O. TIL words is good, but others
haint much sense in 'em.n-Jndge.
Does that baby of yours talk YETI"
His mother says he does; but if it is
talk, then the kid has invented a new
code of slang that will make him IA
nous. "-Philadelphia North American.
Old Million-My dear Miss Young
thing, if you'd only marry me, could
die happy. Miss Youngthing-Why
Mr.. Million, If you were dying, Id mar
ry you in mlnute.-New York Weekly.
Ethel-Have you noticed how Lord
Slahsides drops his aspirates? Pencil
ope-Oh, but that's nothing to the way
he drops his yowels-papa says he has
got more than dozen of his i-o-u-s.-
Judge.
'Why does the baron look so slum?
l thought he had just married an heir
ess." so he has; but he specialized
few days after the marriage and lost
the better half of his wife. '-Fliegende
Batter.
Mr. Romanz-I tell you what, baby
brightens up the house, and that's a
fact. Mr.. Practickel-Yes; we've had
to keep the gas burning all night ever
since ours was Observation-Disclosures
Record.
ssWhat in thunder do you mcan," ask
ed the city editor, "by comparing the
air to frozen quinineY' Il meant to
say" said the new reporter. with proud
humility, "that 1t was bitter cold
indianapolis Journal.
Dollie--I wonder why Love Is repro
scented always with wings2 Mollie-
They are for him to use in flying out of
the window when Poverty comes in at
the door. Don't you know that much?
Cincinnati Enquirer.
do you think that glasses tend to
weaken the slghtT asked Col. Still
wells friend. And after pensiye CON
slderation the colonel replied: ut de.
ponds, sub, intiahly on how many you
Washington tSar.
as your sister at home. Willie"
asked Willie's sisters young man.
mo; heard her say she was engaged
this afternoon-but don't be frightened;
don't think its marrying engage
ment."-Harper's Bazaar.
Unscientific. First Arctic Explorer
| have always considered Columbus a
somewhat over-estimated man. Second
Arctic Explorer-Why? First Arctic
Explorer-He discovered America the
first time he went to look for it.-Puck.
''Roblnson, the electrician, is positive
ly the meanest man | ever heard Of"
Flows thatY' "IIe persuaded his wife
to wear an electric seal sacque on the
ground that it would be an advertise
lnent for his business. ''-Chicago News.