The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-07-20
HUMOR Or TIE DAY.

! HOulu Mss YOU. Oue- Lake me
ashore instantly, sir. ."-Tit-B
"Do you keep fresh eggs here,
waiter?" "No, sir; but l can have
couple laid to order, sir. Brooklyn
Life.
"What a strange expression on
Schultz's face" Eyes, he has either
committed a murder or he expects to
be called on for a speech. ."-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Jennie is awfully proud Just be-
cause her sweetheart is going to the
war;" "She isn't half as proud as
Maud. Hers has just come back from
the Klondike. - indianapolis Jour
nal
Hicks--"Do you think it will pay
me to read Brosher's book?" Wicks
-"I think it will. 1t will relieve you
of all desire ever to read anything
else from his pen. Boston Tran
script.
General. in my regiment l have a
company composed entirely of Hol-
lauders." "All right, Colonel When
we form line of march that company
shall be the Van guard. Chicago
Tribune.
"Therew exclaimed Mrs. Upjohn
as she wedged her way into the crowd
ed elevator with her arms full of bun
dies. 81 can breathe more freely
noww She had just left the bargain
unter.-Chicago Tribune.
Managing Editor-"I tell you, sir,
we've got to be more enterprising."
Trembling Reporter -"What shall
do?" Managing Editor-"You must
turn tramp, marry queen and pawn
her crown. The jewelers. Weekly.
"That hospital" said The guide,
''was built and endowed by a deaf
mute" "Indeed!" said the loqua-
cious lunatic; "then it is the first
authentic case of being dumbfounded
that ever encountered. New York
Journal
81 read the other day." said Mr..
Northside to his wife, "of young
cannibal who ate his father and
mother, and / can readily understand
what he became" "What did he be-
Gomez" "An orphan. Pittsburg
Chronicle.
He-''They say that Jack Crumley
has been talking "A good deal behind
your back lately" She turning pale)
'I'd like to know what he's been say
ing" He-"Oh, you know we'll
enough. 1t was all done on his tan
dem. "-Tit-Bits.
"This room is very close, remarked
the guest to the head waiter; ''can
have little fresh air?" The we'll
drilled automaton raised his voice to
high pitch: cone airl" he yelled;
after pause adding, "and let it be
freshw- Bits.
eyes" sail Miss Passeigh, 81 en-
Joy the society of Mr.. Airyland. He
keeps me interested. He is always
saying something that one never hears
from anybody else" Really" re-
joined Miss Cayenne; ''has he been
proposing to you, Washington
Star.
"a dinner such as we have had to-
day." said the elderly boarder, "makes
me feel like young man" "In-
deed!' was all Mrs. Hashcroft deigned
to reply 'Indeed. When / think of
that lamb we had for dinner l feel that
if it was lamb l must be still boy"
Standard.
Visitor (at Sing Sing)-"That con-
vict is quite a joker. He says the
cells are large and airy, the views
magnificent and the table unsur-
passed" Guard-"Oh, he's no
Joker; he really means it; he used to
own a summer hotel before he came
here. Puck.
Lady lin railroad train on windy
day)-"Dear mel l can't get this
window up" Gentleman (behind)-
81 would assist you, madam, but pre-
sumo the railroad company has glued
the windows down to prevent the loss
of patrons by pneumonia. New
York Weekly,
"Where were you last night, old
HAL Ous L Nuo Nv ~ bAoAa 49,
ner at Mr.. Vanderdam's. Never saw
so many rich people together before.
The aggregate wealth at table, not
counting me, was at least 100000
600. Counting me, it was about $685.
992, ,432 37i. Harlem Life.
Brown-"Merey on us! We are in
for it now. Here comes Trottor, just
back from six months trip abroad;
he'll bore us to death with his talk
about it, (Groans from the rest.
Trotter-"Well, boys, how are you
all? | have just returned from six
months trip in Europe. More
groans) am just going to sit down
here for two or three hours (more
groans), and want (groans) you to
tell me all that has happened here
while / was away" (But they didn't;
A. ,,... 40, ,r~nnN 1 Duck