davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
A LOST OPPORTUNITY.

81 never recall little incident that
happened to me FIVE or six years ago in
Chicago that don't want to hurt some
thing or somebody" said the man with
the f1orid face as we lighted our cigars.
Being asked to state his case, he con-
tinued:
Il was standing in front Of the Pal
mer House when man came along and
said he was hard up and offered to sell
me a 5000 diamond ring for 500.
hung off, and he put the price down
and down till finally he reached $40.
Then l sort % got scarf O. him and
walked off,
But that is an old trick" laughteG
the drummer You don't imagine that
was real diamond ring, do your"
'Of course not"
Then you'd have been Sold"
mot much l wouldn't. When I got
home they were raising 5000 TO buy a
diamond ring for one of our citizens as
testimonial and | could have turned
that in and made $3.50 as easy as roll
ing off lot You bet your boots I'll
keep my eyes open for bargains when l
go to Chicago again
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
REUBE AND DANIEL.
story of the Rife-Pits In Front OF
Petersburg.

story of the Rifle-Pits In Front of
Petersburg.
He was a man about forty ears DIG,
ouarrelous, rough of speech and max
ing no pretensions to gentleness or
companionship. We enlisted him after
our company reached the front, and 1t
was by accident that he came to q
instead of another company. He gave
his name as Reuben Hardman, and he
was the only man among us who Kept
his family history to himself Now and
then, after he had stood sentry duty
in pouring rain, or we had temporar-
ilv been put on half rations owing to
the muddy roads, Reube would break
out and say:
"Gaul durn Danl's hide, but If / had
him here I'd wallop him till he couldn't
holler, What on airth did he go and
do it fur and bring all this trouble on
me?"
At such times he was asked who
Danl was and what he had done, and
he would promptly reply that it was
nobody's business. We made a good
MANY guesses about it, but 1t turned
out that we were far from the mark.
About twice week the man would find
something wrong and begin to pitch
into the unknown Daniel and call him
all sorts of names, but he would not
stand to hear a word against him from
anybody else 1t was an old subject
when we got around to Petersburg and
the last year of the war, and Reube
had long before been put down as &C.
centric. The mystery Of Dan1 was soon
TO be solved. however. AS our regiment
took the rifie-pits in front of the center
of Grants lines. the man Reube was
one day detailed to occupy one OF them.
II was not more than one hundred feet
to the Confederate rife-pits, and to
show head above the earth meant
sure death. Reube had high-pitched
voice. and anyone once hearing it
could identify him in the darkest night.
It began raining soon after he and a
comrade had reached the pit, and the
man soon began the old TRADE against
Dan1.
Here 1 am in rain and mud. and
half-starved and likely to be shot, and
it's all on his account" he shouted.
"Durn him, but I'd give yoke of oxen
to git my paws on him fur ten minits!
I'll find him sooner or later. and then
won't he wish he had never bin born,"
He went on in that vein for about
FIVE minutes, and he had only stopped
for breath and to think up some new
cuss words. when voice from the
Confederate pit shouted out:
Say, now. but shuck my hide IL l
don't know the critter what owns that
voice"
who be you over thar called
Reuben, as he half-started up.
I'm DAHL"
"You don't mean IT,"
"Of cc1rse do. and you are Reube-
I'd know that voice OF yours il / heard
It in Chiny. Say. old man. how ar
ys?'
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

wedgin' the post in, and yet he rubbed
it down In ten minutes. he ruDDed
down all the gates. tipped the smoke
house over and broke off fifteen fruit
trees. and | finally had to tie him in the
barn. I'd have sold that mule for half
his worth when l saw some O that
barbed wire at the store. l got enough
TO so around the barnyard' and then
turned him loose one evenin'. The
critter had heard the work goin' on,
and when he was out o the barn he
locked all around to see what had hap
pened. Then he walked all around that
fence to lok and to smell, and when he
finally turned to me l could almost
hear him sayin':
"'Here's somethin' new, and I'll have
a heap O. fun in the next quarter OF an
hour
He took long breath and fell over
on the fence and began to rub, but it
didn't last long The tacks raked and
astonished him, and he drew off to in
vestigate. Then be tried it agin' and
got mad. He figured cut that it was a
put-up job, but he thought he could
beat the game. He kept it UP for half
an hour, and you'd have thought he'd
been clawed from ears to tail by forty
Wild cats. He kept up a squealin' and
a brayin' as he rubbed, but by and by
the sounds died away to means and
signs, ard we saw that he was licked
mule. VIXEN he had got enough he
backed off and hung his head, ard
left him out there all night to consider
things. Nobody ever seen such a
scratched-up mule in all the State of
Tennessee
And it cured him?" | queried.
yes, it did. When mornin come he
hadn't moved out ef his tracks. I went
out to lead him into the barn, and he
lifted his head and gave me look CT
reproach l shall remember to the day
of my death. brought him a pail Of
water and some hay, but presently he
gave a groan and fell ever dead, and
the tears was runnin' down his nose
as he fell That mules heart was
broken, sir-regulariy broke. He had
bucked up agin somethin' too much for
him, and in his pride and obstinacy
he couldn't abide it and live on"
copyright, 1898, by the International
Literary and News Service)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
A NEW ONE ON A MULE.

"'Long about the time barbed-wire
fence came out" said the farmer as we
sat On the steps after supper for a
smoke. 81 had North Carolina mule
who made me no end of trouble. He
was big and strong and willing to work,
but when he was turned loose he'd side
UP to a fence, and begin to rub and
there wasn't nothing on my farm that
would stand agin him. He'd rub down
five reds of rail CIR beard fence In as
manv minutes, and thrcwin' clubs at
him was like tryin' to hurt a rat with
straw. You see that hog pen down
there?"
Eyes"
"Well. the one he rubbed down enc
day was about three times as strongly
built. He just got his shoulder under
corner of it ard give rub and a
heave and tore it all to pieces. l put
up a pest in the barnyard for him l
dug down seven feet, and was all day
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

The editor of this paper must have
at least two meals per day, and cloth
ing of some sort to wear. He mas a
wife and FIVE children, and they must
also be provided for. Last week pie
plant was offered i2 our streets at
five cents per bunch, and one bunch
would have made seven pies, but alas!
we had not the money to buy with. II
we were not sorely pinched for cash
we should net ask delinquent subscrib-
ers to settle up, but as it is, we hope
that the forty-two who are owing us
will make payment even if only ten
cents apiece We will take wood, pro-
visions, soft soap, cider, vinegar, car
pet rags or most anything elst ON sub
scription, but SO or 81 in cash would
help us out wonderfully just noy.
Exaggerated reports of the trifling
misunderstanding which occurred be-
tween Mr.. Jonas Barber and Mr..
Darius Baker last Sunday evening are
flying about, and we feel it our duty to
correct them. The gentlemen named
were at the wharf When Mr.. George
Gill brought in a strange fish. One
pronounced it founder, and the other
commended that it was sunfish. Neither
one called the other a liar, and mot a
blow was struck. All reports about
pistols being drawn, blood shed and a
terrible struggle are the veriest nom
sense. We trust that this statement
will settle the matter for good and all.
What might have been fatal acct
dent, but which turned out to be only
a painful one, occurred to William
Green, our favorite house painter, one
day last week. He was using rake
in the garden, and after laying it down
carelessly, stepped on the head of it..
This brought the handle up with great
force, and, hitting him on the forehead,
IL d ioti 81 90 q "tti
nut, and for a moment rendered him
unconscious. His shouts of "Fire!" and
"Police," were heard by several neigh
bors, and they were speedily at hand.
They would have called doctor, but
Mr.. Green, whose grandfather fought
at Bunker Hill, and who is himself a
born hero, insisted on sitting down on
the doorstep and bathing the lump
with carnphor, and in the course of an
hour he was sufficiently recovered to
drive a stray hog cut of the garden.
In the midst of life we are in death,
and you can't be too careful about
stepping on rakes ard things.
Copyright 1888 by the International Lit
erary and News Service)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
ALL IN THE FAMILY OF J0HNS0NS,

l had gone over to Bostonville from
Prairie City to hunt up man named
Johnson and have him sign a quit
claim deed to, a piece of land His
initial was given as &C." and l thought
the landlord of the hotel would be able
to tell me where TO find him. When l
came to ask him he replied:
There are just fifteen Johnsons
around here, and the given names of
six Of them begin with C. 1t might
be Charles Johnson you want. Charles
lives about mile to the west, and he's
so stingy and mean that he'd want
$4,000 for signing a quit-claim deed
to SIS worth of land. Jest beyond him
lives Chuck Johnson. Chuck has had
trouble about mortgage, and you
, wouldn't get half through with your
explanations before he'd be tossing you
around on a pitchfork."
1t must be Johnson who once
lived at Prairie City" suggested
"The whole fifteen used to live
there, = replied the landlord. Lets see.
The next johnson is Chauncey. We call
him Chauncc. Wien he amt too drunk
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
THERE FIFTEEN JoHNsoNs AROUND HERE"

sight, and Caesar is hiding away some
where to escape the sheriff. That uses
up all the Johnsons whose first name
begins with C.
But I'd like to find my man and
have him sign
Yes, suppose so, but I don't see
how you are going to work 1t. just
wait here for while and let me go out
and see what I can scare up.
In about twenty minutes he returned
in company with a farmer and asked:
'Iiow much are you going to pay for
that quit-claim?''
'I'll give $25.'
"All right-he'll sign it."
But Is this the c. Johnson whose
signature l desire?"
His name is Johnson, and he'll write
any name before it you want.
"Br+ that won't do. I've got to have
the legal signature of the right john
son."
Look here, stranger said the
Johnson who had been brought in, do
you know that there are fifteen of us
Johnsons around here?"
Eyes, I've heard So
"Jest fifteen. sir, and the G. Johnsons,
the B. Johnsons and the o. and the T..
Johnsons hev got so mixed up that any
old Johnson kin sign any old paper for
any other Johnson and there won't be
no kick over it. I've Jest bin to the
postoffice and got about twenty letters
for the Johnsons. and I'm claiming
every blamed one of them fur my own,
whilst left word at home this morn
in that if any Johnson came along
while / was away he was to run the
farm and lick the children same as my
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
Tell him to go to grass"


1t was funny what influence that
little thing had on the opposite rifle
pits. 1t came to be known by hun
bred men on each side that Reube and
Dan1 were brothers, and their names
became household words. They were
on duty In the pits only three times be-
fore their respective regiments were
relieved and sent to the rear, but he
men who came after them had some
thing to talk about. After trying their
best for a couple OF hours TO get in a
fatal shot, the firing would cease and
a Confederate would call out:
Say, over thar. what's become OF
DanI's brother Reube?'
"Oh, he's all right; and how's Dan1
gittin on?'
Mighty well. He's up talkin' with
General Lee just now. and the Generals
goin' to order Reube to come over to
rs Tou fellers ought to be ashamed
OF yourselves to keep a man agin his
will"
This sort Of chan1ng would 70 on FOR
an hour, and the chances are that sonae
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

he went % to ten me what an ass
had been to take the trouble had.
Fer twenty-five years had been ex-
pecting him to come upstairs, when.
there was q porch and a window as
handy as you please. had planned il
all out just how would shoot him,
and yet he had been obliged to wake
me up to let me know of his presence.
He had statistics to prove that there
was only one burglar to every 10000
families, ard that If he hadn't stubbed
his toe in front Of my house, I might
have gone on for another twenty-five
years without visit. He didn't want
to pile 1t on thick, but offered to bet the
5000 in cash he had taken from my
trousers against cent that | couldn's
hit barn ten feet away. His parting
advice was for me to use a base bail
lat on burglars, Though he doubted II
ever would receive another visit"
"And why did you feel relieved:' was
asked.
"Well, because I've been tried out and
found to be a failure. l shall never
hear a burglar and never shoot one
and from now on I'm going to slip my
watch and money under the bureau
and enjoy my sleep. AS to shooting,
was that scared when the fel- ow woke
me up that l couldn't have held a CUR
cut if it had been tied to my hand. In
deed, he felt it his brotherly duty t
warn me that if l didn't hold my chill
still I'd wear my teeth down to thu
gums with the clicking, and he like
wise advised that / soak my feet Il
coax the chills away from my spina
column. Good man, he was, and In
glad he's come and gone and solved
the burglar problem for me-"
Mopyrisht. 1898, by the international Lit
Ti+orarv and News Service.)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
belong to you,"

belong to you."
Il guess you DO, and don't gimme
sass,"
Danl was cent to the rear Nh
other prisoners, and Reube went a101
as guard. After further jawing III
became reconciled and shook ham
and began to ask and answer fanI
questions. A month later when Reu|
was mustered out OF service at Wa
ington with others OF the compass
Dan1 was there as one who had IAN
the oath of allegiance. They VII
ready to go home together. AS Eex|
received his final discharge papp.s
turned TO Dan'l and said.
Now, then, you come along Hon
with ne and behave your-sIf. and
me hear no braggin'..'
"Mebbe I'll come and mobb&
WON'T" replied Danl. as they MOI
away together.
You'll eitne- come 0 git an a.
Iickina"
.shoo! Who's afraid q your
oCopyrsgghf, 1854. bv The IntsrnaC
Literary ana New- 6crvtee-1
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

great joker, amt her
yves" stammered the father.
81 thought SO. Som l. I'm allus on
hand for joke. l shall be back this
way in about a week, and if his nose
is we'll by that time he might spring
another on me-"
When the stranger had departed
looked at the father and he looked at
me, and the silence had become some
what embarrassing, when he turned
away with:
wall, stranger, all l kin say about
it is that Jim must be feelin' heap
worse than either CT us, and you jest
keep to the left at the top of the hill
and you'll bring UP in town all right. y
Copyright 1898, by the International Lit
erarN and News SerVicel
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
$50 your burglar came at last"

Just week ago tonight, sir. had
fired off and reloaded the revolver and
was ready for him. l was never more
determined to kill him than on that
night. even fought off sleep to think
of his surprise when the bullet should
hit him. 1t was an hour after mid
night when he came
You heard the stairs creak and
woke up"
mot exactly. No, there was no
creaking, and the first 1 knew of the
fellows presence was when he was
ready to go. He had been in my room
half an hour, ard had thoroughiv
plundered me. 1t was his sitting down
on the bed which woke me up. For
fear that / might be mistaken in sne
party, he announced his name as Jones,
and his profession as burglary. Then
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

.T'm well nun and powerful mad.
What did you go'n turn rebel fur and
make all this trouble? You hfap't got
no decency about you. Dan'l Hard
man.
I'm as good as q Yank!" called
DAHL
"You amt either! best femme git
holt of you and I'll make you sing a
different tune! I want you to come
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06
lie KNEW BEST.

James," she said, as she broke away
from one of his hugging matches and
got her breath, Il want to know what
you would do in case Of my death?'
Great heavens, but don't mention
such a thingS' he replied, as he grew
weak in his knees.
"But l may fall dead any moment.
In case of my death you would came
ard sit on my grave, wouldn't your
Yes, if the ground wasn't too
damp"
And would you kill yourself there
and join me in the better land?"
IL
Answer me, James"
mo, shouldn't want to do that. It
would be much better for me to live
on and tell everybody that you always
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

to know his own name he's too ugly
to do business with. The next is Chip
Johnson. believe he's in jail for try
ing to kill neighbor. and even if
he wasn't he wouldn't sign no deed un
til you had coaxed him for three
months. The other two are Cicero and
Caesar"
Perhaps it's one Of them l want"
said.
Then you might as well give right
up at once. Cicero would set his four
dogs on you the minute you hove In
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

general o11cer would be sent doR1
the covered ways to ind out xty
firing had ceased. Che night f
was caught trying to work ~ +
through the Federal pickets. r. IN
called attempted desertion to tho
envy. and was looked upon as I selj
case until he entered into explanett
1t is hardly believable, and yet ID
trying to make his way into the "a
federate lines to have talk with q
and try to bring him over. Whei
was set at liberty his story was Inc
to 10000 Federals on that front, a
was: Hey, Reube!" and, You a
DanI." up and down the lines
many days. q
The blamed IDIOT" Reube Won
exelaim as he looked across at the C6|
federate lines. You jist wait till 4 Z
you in my clutches! He never 6
know 'nuff to come in when it rai1&
but to go and jine the rebels and snt
his own brothers cap OF shows tA
he ought to be hammered till ho a.
hollen Oh. you wait! III git 3
paws on him before this thing is owe
Dan1 probably had something to e.
in the same vein. and Sc it went IN
the Sunday we broke through r.
lines and brought about the beginu}1
of the end. Our regiment had the hol2|
of he advance with several 0th6<
and it was good fight the enemy ms
before we pushed his thin lines ha6
We had been moved five miles to tal
part in this attack, and there was ii
one chance In thousand that the ~
iment to which Reube's brother b
longed would be in front of us. A
through the fighting. however, Retll
looked for him. He closely scannl
every prisoner passing us to the req
end as We pushed on from one flel'
work to another, driving out the m
ged and ralf-starved men who had ho
them so long and bravely, Reube won
occasionally growl to himself:
"Durn that Dan'rs miserable hid
but why don't he show up9 He knov
I'm lookin' fur him, and he knows hc
I'll make his heels crack when az
him, but he ought to show up and b
it over with"
II was when the last stand was ma.
on our front. There were fifteen M
utes of fierce fighting, and when \
raised a cheer and dashed forwo'
and over field-work. A hundred Co
crates flung down their muskets -
threw UP their hands. and as we W
fairly among them Reube uttered
whoop heard by half the compnu
Next instant he flung down his musk
and sprung upon prisoner In sra
and the two went rolling over and ov|
on the ground in rough-and tunu
fight. The troops we're fighting yet
right and left, and a portion OF q
own command was pressing forwar
but that scrap" caught and held q
attention Of three or four hundred NJ
IT'S Peube's brother Danl-
Reube!" yelled orc 49,
whose quick wit had solved the pu'
zle.
ITS Dan'1's brother Reube-bi'
him, Danl!" yelled Confederate
return, and then everybody bega
cheering and yelling and shoutiu
words OF encouragement to one or a
other.
"Durn yer hide. but III pound We 70
jelly!" grunted Reube. as tho ~
rolled about. 4
Eye can't lick nuthln'!" grui1{l
Dan'l In reply, and they had FIVE n1i|
utes of 1t before being separated.
What did you go'n make fool
yourself fur?" demanded Reube.
they stood facing each other.
None o. yer bizness! ] guess ! don
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-11-06

he'd the hrst spring hat seen on the
streets Of Chicago"
so 1t would, James-so it would.
she said, after moments thought:
and she did not resist as he pressed q
thousand kisses on the end Of her nose.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-01-23

isn't enough TO tempt our sluggish coun-
try officials from their warm beds upon
cold nights. A town man would 10 li-
tie "hustling' for $50, though, ana th4t
sum may stir our own officers.
A law 10 give "all citizens the right 20
search suspected vessels" cannot cause
any worthy or hOnest-mlnded man an
noyance, because there IS no chance 20
make mistake, az working vessel peop.s
show at a glance what their business $
by being at work during the day while
the pirate" is lying close TO shore ll
some quiet, protected spot during the day,
with everybody asleep on board TIL mid
day, getting over the effects OF their un-
lawful eXertions during the night, and
after the lights on shore are put out ani
the country people are in bed, then IS
there hustle on board I'm a very quiet
way and preparations are made Tor the
slaughter
Before 10 O'Clock, while the first part
OF this was being written, tho writer
heard two reports OF heavy guns. and me
windows I'm the houses Of neighbors along
the river frequently rattle from the jar
OF the big guns. The Colorado law, which
allows one person ito kill not more than
fifty head OF water fowl In one day" IS
a good one
We have laws enough; all we need IS
10 offer inducements strong enough io
make country officials take some interest
I'm apprehending the law-breakers.
If the ducking clubs would employ q
good detective or two, and they viii put
themselves in communication with ne
writer, he will show the ''man-hunters
how to catch up with these law-breakins
gentry.
These changes or additional Increase n
fines should be made at once, or duck
will soon be as scarce as tue proyeroisl
"hen's tooth" Hoping these suggestions
will be put into shape by our represta-
tiYes. Very truly,
SOUTHERN CROSS.