The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-03-06

of an ass. This is not the forum.
Praetor Long. nor yet the senate
chamber, not yet a republican mass
meeting. at which the rendering of
great, solid chunks Of taffy unto Gaze
sar is most fit. We are met in secret
counsel. Get thee to business.
by Hercules. o Caesar. tbs this.
This Sherman racket doth vex my very
soul and give me countless pains. OF
n verify, he hath become standing
joke throughout the length and
breadth of all the world, Wherefore,
o noble Caesar, shouldst not thou in
sert powerful plea in the ear of the
grand old fool that the cares of state
do weigh too heavily upon him for his
health? Methinks thou couldst work
in some taffy, gentle yet withal effect
i've, about his being full of years and
honors, and much such other rot"
Now by Mars and Mercury" replied
the imperator, have | not told Mae
here time and time again to attend to
this very thing? Goshdumit, O Mac,
goshdumit to goshdumnation. why
hast thou not ere this dropped him,
shaken him, fired bounced kicked,
razooed?"
BY Hercules. Jupiter, Neptune,
MATS, fluto, fodcCUuS anu
Morgan" exclaimed Mckinley. by
all the gods and goddesses of Olympus
and Lombard street / have done
everything unto the old man except
kill him. I have dropped hints enough
to cause even the wheat market to
tumble. But as impervious is he to hints
as an offensive democrat holding office
in the civil service. In sooth. ] fan
cied when this business of the Maine
arose and Day did shove him far aside,
as If he We're in truth a Cuban plank
in a republican platform, that John
would feel his self-respect was stung
and hasten to resign. Oddsrats! / did
deceive myself"
"Quousque tandem abutere, Ma
Kinlia, patentia nostra?' (How long,
o Mckinley, wilt thou continue to rasp
us and passionately monkey with the
buzzsaw of empireD said the i'm
perator II shall have to attend to
this myself Methought when I did
elevate thee to be my confidential clerk
and district messenger boy, thou hadst
some executive ability. But thou re-
vealest myself a chump feeble, wit
less, motley chump; as ! do live by
fat, a chump. And needs must | go
run the whole great works down to the
very janitorship, myself"
by Castor. Polux and Thomas b.
Reed said Day, get rid of Sherman
we must. / cannot longer run the risk
of his capsizing all my plans and
springing submarine mines beneath
my finest pieces OF diplomacy. Twas
only yester morn when / did cable
Woodford in good, tough cipher, as
thou most noble Caesar. didst COM
mand, to seduce Sagasta into a poker
game and ascertain if he hath a
speculative side to his nature and may
be properly approached with gold-bear
ing indueements--what no. did fol-
low? Two hours had not slipped by
before l found his ancient nihs himself
had cabled Woodford a jingoistie dis
patch to drop his hops and banquets
and show Spain holder front than a
dress suit bosom.
Now, by all the gallery gods
calculated the imperator, by all the
star-eyed goddesses of old Kentucky
and the goggle-eyed goddesses of Bos-
ton, Mass, this thing must stop. But
what did Woodford answer"
Most high and mighty solemn Gaze
sar," interposed Gage, lone moment
please. BY Drexel, Morgan. Roths-
Russell Sage l desire now to invite the
attention of this august consilium to
the following plans and specifications
of currency reform scheme No. 31,242,
proof sheets of which i now take pleas
ure in passing among you. You will
observe, gentlemen"
The praetor dropped Caesar Mar
Gus. finding his golden sceptre deficient
in reach. had coolly taken the imperial
diadem from his own head and flung
it at Cages. with astonishing force
and precision. The tall, graceful
Ethiopian in the scarlet four-in- hand
silently entered, returned the diadem
to Caesar. assisted the fallen praetor
to arise. braced him UP in his chair
with the aid of a Manhattan cocktail
and again noiselessly vanished.
What we are here for" said the
imperator. lis to avert war l have
assured the empire that there shall
be no war. and shall imperious Gaze
sar's word be thwarted? MethinlSs nit
Hominis est errare. sed non Caesars.
Non multum. Non 81 me sciam. Dost
thou savvy, o Alger? To satisfy the
vulgar popuaee we must perhaps eft
soon demand an indemnity of Spain.
But we can quietly give her to under
stand tbs but a bluff. 'Tis well that
all hands continue active war prepa-
rations to fool the clamorous and ex-
cited public. Meanwhile l will to the
work called smooth. o Day. I'll have
a private word with thee in re Sa-
gasta. The others are excused"