The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-09-29
THE A.U.P. AND THE PRESIDENT

Congressional Commissioners IS be-
fore us. The Commissioners have no
more to do with the appointment Of
the governor Of a territory than the
King of Siam has The committee OF
the A. L. p, however, desired to make
it's wants known, and followed the de-
vice Of the country auctiOneer, who
tackled his advertisement on the body
OF the hearse, while the mourners
were not looking.
The memorial contains these signih-
cant words:
while we advocate that appoint
ments to Office should be made from
bona fide residents of the inhabitants
of Hawaii. vet we believe it 10 be for
the best interests of all inhabitants OF
Hawaii, that the first governor to be
appointed should be one who is not
bound by any ties, political or other
wise, to any party or class resident IN
Hawaii, ETC."
These words are really meant for
President McKinIey's ear; so we viii
presume that delegation of the A. u.
p. goes to Washington, in behalf of
the memorial, and in due course meets
the President, and engages in a dia-
logue with him.
Committee reads governOrship para
graph of the memorial and smiles
blandly on the President. who looks
dazed and leans against the wall.
The President-"This is most eX-
traordinary request, absolutely unprec-
edented in territorial history
Communications condition is un-
precedented, Sir"
The President should say so.
Since the nation had territories, there
have always been good men in them
who were bound by party ties, just as
| am and all men are in the country,
and these men have always been cap
able OF becoming the best territorial
officers. OF course, you may be
strapped for decent men of your own
people There has been some queer
talk about your incapacity for self
government Then again, both OF the
great paroles insist, without any eX-
ception, that all territorial officers
shall be appointed from the inhabi-
tants of the territory"
Committee-"Wen, Sir, you see,
we're a little peculiar out there. We
are under the operation of certain
psychic laws, generated by innate
ideas, as it were, and somewhat mod
fled by climate, which produce certain
automatic phenomena that cause us to
deyiate -"
CThe President whispers to his pri-
vate secretary: ASK the officer on
duty to send for the asylum van.'D
Committee continues ito deviate
from the beaten tracks and resort to
original measures"
CThe President reads paragraph
again. i see, gentlemen that you
want for Governor a man who knows
nothing about Hawaii; the more ignor-
ant the better he will be. l have just
the man you want. Go the private sec
rotary: Make out at once commits
sion for the Cheerful Idiot as Cover
aor of Hawaii.")
Committee-"WhiIe we have not in
Dictated what our choice is, we beg
leave -''
The President-"Oh! I get glimpse
of the niger in the fence. You have
candidate? Why didn't you say so
Who? Dole?"
Committee-"No, Sir! not that NEAR
backnumber.
The President-"NotD Dole? Why ~
was here only a short time ago, an'
Frye, and Morgan, and Hit and every
body said you considered him to be
great man. l rather liked him. VIII,
did YOU send him here to get in toucl
with me?" 4
COmmittee-"Ohl Sir! May God for
give us for practicing that deceit upo1
YOU. In the manual Of politics edite
by Mr.. Richard Croker, and which W
study daily in the Paradise of the Pa
cifc. it says: In no case viii the wis
politician permit his practice to agre
with his professions. We try to fol
sw a good man. Dear Mr. President
spare us! The iron heel of the Famil
Compact is on our hechS. hou OLIy C1
free us
The President-'Well, my friend:
when you can't find a man Of your ow
people for Governor, think the Cheer
full Idiot is just what you want. H
is. if you will allow me to say it,
representative man so far as you ar
concerned. l think I will send out hi
cousin Blasted Idiot, Esq, as Secretar
of the Territory, and his brother Hope
less Idiot. Esq, as Attorney Genera
/ try to be accommodating. Than
YOU. gentleman, for coming so far
by the way, how many people do 70
representa-"
Committee-"We represent the An