The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-09-09
HOW TO WIN A MAN.
Power of Sympathy-Mcn Are Selfish,
Owing to the Conditions of Their
EnrIY Life.
from the Mexican Herald.


From the Mexican Herald.
Many a wife complains that her husband
does not take her about, that she only
sees him at meals, or that he makes friend
ships in which she has no part She
blames him for neglechng her, and thinks
herself Infused. Yet he is only following
the natural instinct of humanity in seek
ing for sympathetic companionship; the
fault really is hers. If her conversation
does not interest him sufficiently 10 hold
him. she should study him and the sub
jects that he cares for. and try to live to
his standard. She has once had his love
and sympathy; If she has not kept it, it
is she who is to blame for not striving to
care for the things which occupy and in
terest him.
A man, to be won and kept, must 1rst
be attracted, and then made to feel that
he has found a sympathy which draws
him out, and makes him talk about what
interests him most. 1t is not enough to
make HIM listen while he is being talked
TO. For time that will keep him, but he
will tire of always being a listener, of al
ways giving his sympathy and receiving
none. To hold a man, a woman must
not be eXacting, for to expect too much
only makes him feel that he wants to give
less. She must realize that men are almost
always selfish, ineradically so, not from
any innate depravity of their sex, but
merely from the modern conditions of life
which have nodded them.
A man usually goes out into the world
young, he leads a separate existence at
an age when his sister is still surrounded
by her home circle When his work Is
done, if he has any, he has only to think,
What shall l do to-day that will give
me the most pleasure%' That men act
more and more on this principle is shown
L.
social engagements; the way they will
break one when another more attractive
offers itself, and will not decide until the
last moment whether or not they will go
to such and such party. Can any one
wonder that many years of indulgence
in This, coupled with a larger command of
money than their sisters, should make
them more selfish, should end by fixing
the habit of thinking of their own pleas
ure so firmly in their minds that it is
practically ineradicable? II may be over
powered for a time by d strong affection
and all the counter influences of court
ship and early matrimony. But later,
when these have ceased to be novelties,
and a man settles down to a regular mar
ried life, the old selfish habit of years re-
asserts itself and his wife is inclined to
blame him for changing toward her
This is unjust, for he is no more to be
blamed for the habits which have been
acquired from his circumstances and en-
vironments than he is to be held response
bic for those qualities which he inherits
from his progenitOrs. 1t is better for the
woman who lives with him, and whose
happiness IS bound up with his own, to
recognize this fact, and in studying his
tendencies to take her measures accord
ingly.
A woman, on the contrary, is trained in
a different school. When her brother Is
out in the world earning his living, or at
any rate, leading a separate existence, she
is usually at home with other members
of the household. whom she has always
to consider when any plans or engage
ments, however trivial, have to be made
She, though she rarely realizes It, can
only think, What can we do to-day which
will interest or amuse us?' She cannot
go about much alone, and often her means
are too limited to allow of much independ-
ent action. Having thus to defer to the
wishes of her relations. she Is duly train
Ell in habits of yielding to others and of
unselhshly giving up her will and pleas
ure to them. Thus he in his bachelor
days is duly trained to selishness. she.
in her sisterhood, is equally brought up
10 unselfshness. The sooner a woman
recognizes this fundamental difference be-
tween the acquired natures of herself and
men the more likely is she to be attrac
tive to them. and the better chances she
will have of lasting happiness.