The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-08-31
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Mrs. Hoyle-'There are few
leaves missing from my cook book"
Mrs. Doyle-"Your husband probably
took them"
Jones-"Why do you say she re-
minds you of brown sugar?" Brown
-''Because she's sweet but unre-
fined. Judy.
Absent-minded Professor lin the
bathtub)-"Well, well, now 1 have
forgotten what 1 got in here for. y
Fliegende Blaetter.
Little Clarence-"Pa. what is the
difference between frmness and OBJ
stinacy?" Mr.. Callipers-"Merely a
matter of sex, my son"
''You threw boot at your wife.
"Well, she threw her shoe at me-
eyes, but everybody knows how q
woman throws. Chicago Record.
First Cannibal- That missionary
is certainly frst-class sprinter.
Second Cannibal-"Yes; he'll make q
nice quick lunch for two. Facts.
''Reggie Littleton is such con-
ceited thing" said Molly; che called
me manhater just because he heard
didn't like him. "-Harper's Bazaar.
He-"I would give the world for
you" Shells that all? Why, you
offered that much before the war
raised prices. indianapolis Journal.
Spawker-"Your wife seems very
fond of commanding you to do this,
that and the other" Satupon SADLY
-"Yes, it's her ruling passion. -
Fun.
"Does'my whistling disturb you?"
ooh, not in the least Tn used to
hearing men whistle. I'm q collector
for millinery house. Brooklyn
Citizen.
"Mme. Shipper has perfected
wonderful invention" j" "What is it?"
"a revolving hat; it works so the con-
gregation can see all sides Of it,
Chicago Record.
Boot Boy say, Sarah, w'otever
be a crematorium?" Metropolitan
Maid-"Oh, you are an ignorant boy.
Why, it's French for milk shop, Of
course. Punch.
Mrs. Brown-"I do believe that this
Oolong is half raspberry leaves" Mr..
B.-"Shouldn't wonder. Sage is
very careful man; invariably crosses
his teas. Boston Transcript.
"Yes, sir; the alligator swallowed
nc, boots and ALL but a dynamite car
fridge 1 had in my pocket exploded
and blew the monster all to piecesw
''But you-2" "Oh, I'm here!"-
Atlanta Constitution.
She-''You know very well that you
had to ask me three times before L
would consent to be your wife. He
Eyes, know, and that only goes to
show that it is sometimes possible to
be too persistent. Chicago News.
Jeweler-"How was your boy
pleased with the watch / sold you?"
Fond Father-"Very well, sir. He
isn't ready to have it put together yet;
but be patient I'll send him around
with it in n day or two. Jewellers
Weekly.
"Is your partner a man of good
judgment?" asked an old friend who
is in the city on visit. There"
was the unctuous answer, sis man
of infallible judgment. He never
makes n move without taking my adj
vice. Detroit Free Press.
"Where is your mother, Johnnie?"
"Playing golf" "And your aunt?"
"She is out on her wheel" "And
your sister?" "She is training for the
football game" "Then I'll see your
father, please" "He can't come down
now. He is upstairs, giving the baby
bath. Life.
Wife lat the breakfast table)-"You
are without exception the most OBJ
stinate, ill-tempered man ever saw"
"Why, my dear, what can
you mean?" Wife breaking DOWN
"Just because the coffee happens to
be vile for once, you declare that it is
all rightp'-Truth.
They've taken to embalming pet
dogs in tho East" he said. "Oh,
isn't that just too lovely" she ex-
claimed. "That's what I'll have done
TO Fido." "Just the thingl" he re-
turned, suddenly growing enthusiastic
himself. "Giye him TO me and I'll
have it done to-day. Chicago Even
ing Post.