Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1898-09-28

What Some Of Our Exchanges Have
Lately Been Infiicting Upon Their
Readers.

Readers.
An Usage man claims that his
wife belongs to the Red Cross society
because she often gets red with anger
and is then cross for weeks.
An exchange says: we have seen
peoplein church trying to look angelic
while they sing "Shall we know each
other there,n when they wouldn't
speak to each other if they met on the
street. They may know each other
but the question is where?
San Francisco Wave: when the
news came to the Chickamauga hospi-
tai of the destruction of Cervera's fleet
one of the nurses commenced to read
it aloud. He had got as far as the
statement that the Brooklyn had been
hit forty-five times, when fever pa
tient, a little out of his head, shouted:
"Great Scott! who pitched for Brook
lynn"
Let your motto be, says the Ne
5raska city Nea0s, ''lie, steal, drink
and swear" when you lie let it be
down to pleasant dreams. when you
steal, let it be away from immoral as
sociates. when you drink, let it be
nothing but pure cold water. when
you swear, swear that you will patro-
nize your home paper, pay your sub
scription and not send your job work
away from hone.
Said an Irishman to a telegraph
operator. "Do you ever charge any
body for the address of message?"
mo-" replied the operator. "And do
you charge for signing his name, sir?"
said the customer. "No, SIR" ''well,
then, will We please send this? 1 just
want my brother to know am
here,n handing the following: ITO
John McFlynn--at New York
(signed) Patrick McFlynn." 1t was
sent as tribute to Patrick's shrewd-
ness.-Er.
The full dress for Philippine
bride is garter and chew of gum.
7 The groom is generally attired in a
pair of Prince Albert spurs and a red
necktie. It's only a matter of taste
after all. An old gentleman who had
spent the summer in New York was
asked how he liked the looks of the
society ladies. He replied, first rate,
first rate. went to society ball and
saw one half of 'em.sand went down to
the sea shore and saw t'other half.n
The Philippine belle seems to be one
look ahead. Dyersville Neaos-Letter.
Truth sizes up the United States as
follows: we make our own Cuban
cigars. !. we manufacture better news
from foreign countries than is to be
found there. we raise our own Euro
pean mines and mineral water. The
finest French sardines in the world
come from Maine. The choicest and
most expensive Dresden china sgrown
in New Jersey. we can declare in
more places in minute than some
countries can declare in three years
and half. we don't want the earth;
we are it.
"A postmaster in a neighboring
town has among other things the fol-
lowing rules posted in his office: INC
letters will be delivered until received.
If you don't get letter or paper on
the day you expect it, have the post
master look through all the boxes and
down cellar also. 1t ought to be there
somewhere and he likes to hunt for il
just to please you. If he tells you there
is no mail for you, put on grieved ex-
preston and say: "There ought to be
some" He is probably hiding your
mail for the pleasure of having you call
for it two or three times day. Ask
him to look again."
When you subscribe for a newspaper
and pay for it, you want to see all the
good things it contains, of course, and
you will fail in this if you skip ovel
the advertisements. They tell you
where to get what you want and il
you rely upon them in selecting places
to trade you may be sure you will save
many times the price of subscription
for your home paper; for it is an IN
variable rule that when a merchant
spends money in judicious advertising
that he will sell low in order to hold
the trade you give him in answer tC
his invitation. You will always save
money by trading with the advertiser
He wants your trade and is willing t.
work to obtain it. In these hustlinl
times business man stands in his OWL
light who does not advertise.
Behold the eloquence Of the Mason
City Gtobe-Gdzette in its musings o
Clear Lake: "Last Sunday night the
lake was a rare picture. The new
moon, timid as fawn, was shrinking
to the horizon its segment of FURNISHED
gold throwing CLINT upon the water