Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1898-10-20
FEAR in BATTLE.
One Man Tells Of tho Desperate Effort It
Took In His Case to Cure 1t.

went thrC agh war without finding
out at one time or another how it
feels to be coward. Some of us
think there never was such man.
Others have been contending that
hundreds Of men fought straight
through the civil war on each side
without ever knowing a qualm of
personal fear. What have you to
say about it, colonel2 You certain
ly ought to know, for you were in
it from start to finish"
eyes, 1 ought to know" answer
ed the colonel, 'and I do know.
was lad when enlisted. shall
never forget that day. My father
had fine country place up the river
then. had just passed my seven
teenth birthday. There was nothing
but talk, talk, talk about the war
and enlisting, and l got very much
aroused on the subject. slipped
off to a little island near by early
one morning and staid there alone
that whole day thinking the matter
over. When Invent home that night,
my mind was made up. l would
steal away down to the city next
day and enlist. I did.
"When got back home the next
afternoon, l was shaking in my
boots, for had no idea what my
mother and father would say to me-
You know, young chap always
tackles his mother first under those
conditions. So l went in to where
mine was busy with her household
duties and said:
Mother, I've enlisted
How dare you do such a thingG'
she answered angrily and shut her
lips tight.
Il can't tell you how miserable
felt over the way she took the news,
because my boyish heart was full of
the cause. l made my way hesitat.
ingly to my fathers study, opened
the door and stood face to face with
the old gentleman.
What is it, young mani' he
asked
Father, I've enlisted l an
swered.
:Well, what of it2' he answered.
If you hadn't, should have dis
owned you. And he took my hand
in his. Then he looked at me hard,
and before knew it he gave me the
kiss that should have come from
my mother.
II started in as lieutenant. NY
father was influential, and he saw
to that. When 1 started out, felt
sure that I would never know what
the feeling of fear was, and expe-
rience taught me that all soldiers
went forth with the same impress
sion. Cad, how 1 changed my mind
during my first skirmish! We were
behind an embankment, and I was
in command. 1t just rained lead
across our heads. Every time a
man raised his head above the
breastworks it came whizzing off
his shoulders as sure as shooting.
got scared. l could feel myself
growing colorless. I couldn t articu-
late. My arms grew rigid, and to
save me l couldn't have put in
load. All of a sudden it came to me
that the men under me knew that l
was scared. This thought loosened
up my tongue and joints a bit. Then
it flashed over me that it would
never do for me to let my men know
that was afraid, and that l must
do something to prove that 1 was
not. What could I dos The man
next me poked his head up at that
point, and a mimic ball took him
right between the eyes. A cold
sweat broke out on me, and I was
ready to collapse, when all of a sud-
den it came back to me that all
would be lost, that 1 should be
ruined, if let my men go on think
ing that was a coward. I seized
my tieldglasses and with shout
leaped to the top of the breastworks.
l raised those glasses to my eyes,
and for second our enemy almost
stopped firing, they were SO aston
ished. 1 looked from one end of
their lines to the other.
"'Come down from there, you
ID little fool!' said a rough
voice behind me, and l was jerked
back into the ditch by powerful
force. DO you want to get killed2'
1t was my colonels voice and his
hand that saved me. What did 1
see through the tieldglassesi Not
thing. was too scared. A blind
man could have seen more. But
saved my reputation. Many times
after that l was frightened in bat
tie, but never so much so, and l
never shirked From that day I'M
til the war closed my men adored
me, and they thought that l never