Evening star., 1898-08-06
D00Iey in Doubt.

From the Chicago Journal.
81 know what I'd do If 1 was Mack"
said Mr.. Hennessy. I'D hist flag over
tn Ph'lippeens an I'd take in tn whole
lot iv Thin
AN yet" said Mr.. Doo1ey, "'tis not
more thin two months since ye larned
whether they were islands or canned goods
Yeer back yard is small that yeer COW
can't turn l-round without buttin tn
woodshed off tn premises, an ye wudden't
go out to tn stock yards without takin
out a policy on yeer life Suppose ye was
standin' at tn corner iv State sthreet an
Archey r-road, wud ye know what car to
take to get to tn Phlippeens? If ye'er son
Packy was to ask ye where tn Phlippeens
is cud ye give him amy good idea whether
they was in ROoshia or JUS wist iv tn
tbracks?"
Mebbe I cudden't," said Mr.. Hennessy
h. ughtily, but I'm f'r takin thin in amy
how
so might 1 be-" said Mr.. Dooley. IF 1
cud ony git me mind on it. Wan iv the
worst things about this here war is tn
way it's maxim puzzles FIR our poor tired
heads. Whin L wint into it l thought all
Ia nave to do was to set up here behind
IN bar with a good un-cint see-gar in me
teeth an toss dinnymite bombs into tn
hated city iv Havana. But look at me now
IN war is still goin on, an livery night
whln m countin' up tn cash I'm askin
mesif will L annex Cuba or lave it to tn
Cubians? VIII / take Porter Ricky or nut
1t by? An what shud do with tn Philip
peens? oh, what shud L do with thfm2
can't annex thin because 1 don't know
where tney ARE. l can't let go iv thin
because some wan elsell take thin if I do
Ihey are eight thousan' iy thin islands
with a population iV wan hundred mill
von naked savages. an me bed rooms
crowded now with me an tn he'd How
can take thin in an how on earth am
soln to cover tn nakedness iv thin savages
with me wan shoot iv clothes? An vii
lWOUid break fo
people L niver see or heerd tell iv back to
other people / don't know An if don't
take thin Schwartzmeister down th'
sthreet, that has half me tbrade aIreadv
Will grab thin sure.
II amt that I'm afraid iy not doin' tn
Fright thing in TIL end, Hinnissy Some
fnorhln ii wake up an know JUS what to
Go' an mat IL do, But it's tn annoyance
~ III manetime- I've been re-readin' about
IN cGunthrey. Tis over beyant ye'er left
shoulder whin ye'er facln' east JUS throw
ye'er thumb back an ye have 1t as acrate
as amy man In town. 'Tis farther thin
Boohlgarya an not SO far as Blewchoochoo
It's near Chiny an it's not so near, an If a
man was to bore well through fr m Co
shen, 1ndianny, he might sthrike it, an
thin again he might not. It's a poverty
sthricken country, full iv goold an pre-
cious stones, where tn people can pick
dinner off tn threes an ar-re starvin be-
cause they have no stepladders. TIL inhab-
itants Is mostly nagurs an Chinnymen,
i
savage an bloodthirsty in their methods
They wear no clothes except what they
have on, an each woman has five hus-
bands an each man has five wives. TIL
r-rest goes into tn discard, tn same as
here. TIL islands has been ownded be
Spain since befure tn fire, an she's threat
ed thin so well they're now up in arms
again her except a majority iv thin which
is thruly loyal Th' natives seldom fight
but whin they get mad at wan another
they r-run amuck. Whin a man r-runs
amuck sometimes they hang him an some
times they discharge him an hire a new
motorman. TIL women ar-re beautiful,
with languishin black eyes, an they smoke
see-gars, but ARE hurried an incomplete
IN their dhress- l see pitcher iv wan tn
other day with nawthn' on her but a bas-
ket iv cocoanuts an hoopskirt They're
no prudes- We import juke, hemp cigar
wrappers, sugar an fairy taaIes firm tn
IN ippeens, an export six-inch shells an
tn ike. " late tn Ph'lipp sens has awaked
to I 4 fact that they're behind th' times.
an has received much American snmfni-
iion In their m.ds. They say th' Sranyards
is ALI tore up about ii.
81 Earned all this firm tn p<aa-pers an
/ know It's 'sthraight. An yet, Hinnissy. l
dinnow what to do about tn Ph'Hppeens
An I'm all alone in tn wurruld. Iv'rybody
else has made up his mind. Ye ask anny
con-ducthor on Ar-rehy r-road an he'll tell
ye. Ye can find out firm tn pa-apers. an
II ye really want to know, all We have to
do Is to ask prominent citizen who can
| NOW all TIL lawn he owns with a safety
razor. But / don't know"
Hang on to thim," said Mr.. Hennessy,
stoutiy What we've got We must hold.''
Well" said Mr.. Dooley IF was Mack
I'd rave II to George. I'd say: George
| I'd say, If ye'er rr hangin' on, hang on II
! Is If We say rave go. dhrop thin.' Twas
| George won thin with tn shells. an, III.
| questions up to him"
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Prepared.
| From Puck.
Wandering Willy-.What did yer do wild