The evening times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1902, 1898-04-05
THE GRAVITY
OF BETROTHHLS
Engagements Are Too Often
Thoughtlessly Considered.
A Spring Season Lecture to Girls
Who May Have Heart-Brenking
Prospects In View.

IEospttts III view.
The charge is sometimes made
against the American girl that she
thinks lightly of the Importance of her
betrothal, says a writer in the Home
Journal. She breaks off her engage
ment more easily and with less thought
and feeling than does the girl Of any
other nation. This is hardly a fair crit
icism. The American girl is scarcely as
light headed as such a charge would
imply. The very fact that she breaks
her marriage engagement shows that
she does realize its Importance and it's
responsibilities; otherwise, why should
she seek to release herself? But she re-
allies this after she has become en-
gagged. The realization comes at the
wrong time; after the engagement and
not before. 1t is not that she fails to
realize the Importance of the betrothal
itself once il is made. The trouble is
she does not always clearly underStand
the true gravity of a promise of mar
riage before she makes it. 1t is at this
point, not when she is engaged, that
the trouble lies.
Becoming engaged means too little to
great many girls. When our country
was much younger, for girl to become
engaged to a man was almost akin to
the actual marriage. 1t was a time for
as great festivities as the marriage GER
emory itself The betrothal was pro-
claimed and posted" just as engage
ments are today in the older European
countries. II was as much a matter
of record as the nuptials. The Jews
still follow this custom, and in spirit il
is an excellent one. They advertise
their betrOthals in the newspapers, and
thereby declare a betrothal TO be what
it properly should be: a serious and
definite obligation placed on public rec
ord. | do not point this out because I
think it would be wise for those Of an
other faith to follow this ancient Gus
tom. But the fact remains and is po-
tent that the Jewish girl, taking her az
a whole, has a clearer idea Of the i'm
portanCe and gravity of a matrimonial
engagement, before she enters upon il.
than has the average girl of Gentle
faith and parentage.
The great trouble is that gradually
the notion has become too prevalent
that an engagement of marriage is not
an irrevocable condition; il is not ex-
actly final. We have been slowly get
ting away from the old and true idea
that betrothaI is as real and integral
part of marriage as the nuptials
themselves. Here is where the mis-
chief has been done. The growing
prevalence OF broken engagements has
robbed. in a sense. the betrothal of its
real Importance and gravity. 1t Is ac-
Cepted too much as a condition apart
from marriage; not as an actual part
6 liz hi IL
reCtion means a lighter view of a be-
trothal our girls are thus getting
wrong notion Of what they are enter
ing into when they become betrothed.
The girls are not TO blame: neither can
il be said that the fault lies altogether
with their Parents. The cause is more
general, and for that reason more dan
geTous and more difficult to combat.
1t is due rather to the changing con-
ditjons Of society; to the transitOry
stage which as a people we are passing
through. We are progressing too fast;
letting go of a great many lines of
safety before we are in reach of 9TH
ers. We are too blind to the subtleties
Of life in our mad chase for the ma
terial elements. We like to say that
our girls are self-reliant. And they are
undoubtedly. But is any girl Of an i'm
questionable age sufficiently salf-Teliant
to take an altogether correct view OF
matters of the heart without the guild
ance of experience? The prevalent
wrong idea Of the betrothal state an
swers this question most forcibly.
A clearer knowledge Of what it means
for a girl to get engaged" is vitality
necessary. We must get back To the
old time Interpretation and acceptance
Of betrothals. An engagement Of mar
riage is not a conditional agreement.
II is one of the most serious Compacts
in life: as definite an obligation as mar
riage and a direct part of the ceremony
itself. Few Compacts in life are, in re-
ality, more far-reaching in conse-
quences. More important even is the
betrothal than the marriage itself,
since nuptials are simply the seal plac-
ed upon the original agreement The
betrothal should be just as sacred as
the marriage 1t is the graVest of the
two steps which bind two people to-
gether. because it is the initiative.
There are, of course, exceptional cases
where unforeseen conditions arise which
make II both wise and best to have
betrothal come to an end.
Girls will do we'll to think of these
things at this season. when the fancies
of the young-girls, as well as young
men-are apt to turn to thoughts OF
love. as we'll as during the Summer be
fore us An engagement of marriage
preSupposes a marriage. a girl can
not, with any self-respect, disassociate
the two The one is part of the other.
Consent to marry a man means that a
girl is ready to prove her faith by her
works. A promise is easily given: it
is not always as easily fulfilled. To
play fast and loose with the hottest
state on earth. at the betrothal as we'll
as at the altar, is the most fatal and
dangerous game in which a girl can
indulge.