Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1898-12-09
Nowhere, Tenn.

Your correspondent nealy ever
since the election, has been on
the surgical list of "premeditated
accidents" We have, again, been
hurt We have been sorely bruis-
ed, and the odor of iodoform and
arnica nave not yet left our sacred
person.
The facts Care these: We were
not satisfied with being Mayor of
Nowhere, but had aspiration to
represent our county, of which
"Nowhere, Tenn.," is the county
seat.
You should understand, right
here, that Hardin county was too
big for us, hence we divided it
into two parts, and our part we
have named "Wildwood.p Here
after you will address us at "No.
where, Wildwood County, Tenn.
You will put Nowhere" before
our name, for we will represent
our county in the next general as
sembly, and we are proud to say
that we still hold arbitrary sway
asMayOr of ourthriving little town.
Notwithstanding we were elected
representative for Wildwood Co.,
we were "beaten" and "bru,sed"
as we have above informed you.
1t was thus. Our opponent
one Shew Hardfst-who was
thought to be one of our best and
most charitable citizens before he
began the race with us, presumed
to beat us in the county of our
own creation. But we sprang the
story on him, that he had sold a
poor widow five pounds two-years
old bacon-ail the lean being
eaten out by skippers-there was
no fat in it-charged her 15cts
per pound. Well, in our canvass
speech.making, we told this on
him-and proved it, too! So one
day, at the "GuZzle saloon" on
"Snake Ayenne," he assaulted us
He had the hardihood to call us
a liar, and then we mixed. Alas!
for human calculation. He broke
nearly every bone in our hide. He
tore the shade trees. down with us
He sent us sprawling in the dust
He pitched us upon the house o
our dilemma. He wiped the groun(
with us. But there is a grave il
the new graveyard out on the
"Greenwood" road. In that grave
=, at rest forevermore, sleeps all tina
was left of our antagonist, and We
g are alive to tell it. We shall de
corate his grave when the 30ti
comes round with each recurring
: spring, for he was a brave maj
t and died game. But we had t,
q do it. "Self preservation is tn
first law of nature, you know
Our papa had told us, when w
s were boy, that, if we ever ha,
: to fight TO 60 in for killing GU
= antagonist: land them" said he
'you'll just about lick him, unles
he has made up his mind to d
. the same thing"
}, Poor Hardfists pa hau told hil
|. the same, but we got in our worl
I. We are proud Of his grave. w
, were in need Of a grave for on
new graveyard. We had ofte
e advised HARDEST to immortaliz
3 himself by committing suicide an
ir start a graveyard, but he didn
n fancy the idea. He's ''immortaI
now.
y There are several fellows jus
4. like we said he was, and the be,
1t thing they could do for their con
~ munity would be to commit suicid
:, But they don't reside in the cor
- munity Of Wildwood.
s. Now that we have got grav
fe yard started for the benefit of OF
Q. town-0ne of which we are prou
N we are in need Of a good doct,
- to keep it growing. We appealC
9 to our friend on Fawn Branch
II DR.. Cecil--to locate with us. b
he curtly replied that he'wouldl
live in such a d--did-d-dod.
dad blamed place as Nowher
re T nn" We may infer from Il
le above 'explosion,N that, ifthe do
J.. tor don't swear, he comes We
= near it.
= But we must close abrupt