Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1898-06-16
5~s-s~S~~~~-s>~~s~S-s~~~~~
AN ANCIENT MARRIER.
BY Pleasant Riderhood.

LChlSidHd mas proudly come TO the front
with descriptions of its nonogenarians,
centenarians and other oldest inhab-
itants," of sturdy old men carrying
around with them memories of another
! century, men who had been-or thought
they had been-bear hunting with Dan
iel Boone, or men who had cU+-or
thought they had cut-the first stick of
timber where a great city now stands;
of sprightly ladies who, at the ripe
old age of 10, can still spin, dance the
minuet, read the Bible through sever
al or more times year without spec
tacles, and walk ten miles day uphill,
TO say nothing of the amount of talking
they are still able to accomplish
Somehow the Pelican state has been
/ strangely remiss in presenting her
claims in such matters. If our ancient
worthies-or worthy ancients-haven't
been brought before the public it has
certainly not been from the lack of
subjects. Among our citizens, especial
ly in the Creole parishes, are num-
bers of splendidly preserved specimens
of old age. II has been said that plenty
of our Cajuns live to be as old as the
famous She, so old that they either
blow up the chimney or turn to autumn
leaves.
There's one thing that can be said
for Louisiana, she undoubtedly bears
the palm for having produced the old
est bridegroom on record-that is, on
the records of modern times. OF course,
we don't count those frisky, 5O0-year-
old chaps of antiquity, who seem to
have spent all their leisure hours win
ming new brides.
The fine old southern gentleman OF
whom l write, lived, moved and had his
being in 0nachita parish, and did his
tradin' at the little village of Trenton.
Though he has long since been gathered
TO his fathers, his memory is still green
in the hearts of the people of that sec
ton.
In his early days. when frolicking
along in his 70's and SOS, this gentle
man had led several blushing brides
to the altar-how many l won't say for
fear my veracity may be questioned.
Any way, we are not concerned with
lis early nuptials. We have to do only
with The wooings following his hun
dredth birthday, for he was married
two or three times after that period,
and there's no knowing how many
more times the bridal ceremony would
have been performed for him had he
not been snatched off in his prime.
Mine ancient--whom we will call Jerry
Gristle, simply because his name was
n ,Tfc 10 70 =.
in this part of the country as the
champion marryist of the age. And
finally the people came to take great
Satural pride in him, pointing him
out to passing strangers with as much
pleasure as if he were the Bridge of
Sighs, the Mammoth Cave or the Mis-
sissippi river.
None knew the exact age OF Jerry
Gristle. Some said the family Bible
wherein was recorded his birth was de-
stroyed in a steamboat explosion in
100, hut the schoolmaster of the set
tlement said there was evidently an
anachronism in that statement. don't
know what he meant Others again
declared he was 500 years old. He
didn't contradict this, but | never quite
belieyes i; ss.Is.s
: Many very old people display unbe-
ccsling vanity over their old age, Civ
ing themselves airs. and taking all the
credit for tasir longevity, but ! am
happy to say that Jerry vas not pulled
up with any such silly pride. He bore
his honors meekly. But candor COM
pels the recital of few facts I'd fain
conceal, ifnot so panfully Conscientious
We all know there are several things
required of every Oldest inhabita6t,
many ihij,ngs besides bis great age In
fact- custom has given Us a standard.
up TO which every applicant Cor Oldest
inhabitantship should come. In the
first place he is expected tc have nursed
Washington, TO have lived on cold water
and raw leaves and deerskin for six
weeks at one time, when lost in the
forest where the state capital now
stands. and. If southerner. 10 have
waded across the Mississippi at New
Orleans when that brook was yet wad-
able, and 20 have been the only sur
viyor of the Alamo. All of these duties,
I'm ashamed TO say. were shirked by
ms Oldest inhabitant though in ex-
tenuation of the Alamo neglect of duty,
he claimed to have been too old to par
ticipate in the Mexican unpleasantness.
Indeed, i has been said that his eN-
treme age during the revolution pre-
vented his flying around with Paul
Jones or skipping down steps with old
Put" But that is evidently an eXag-
geration Tor he certainly received
pension for his services to the young
republic. Then Jerry left vi done many
things Re should have done; II he had
had particle OF regard for the feelings
Of his biOgrapher. lie never took out
the first patent for a cotton gin, never
travelled in the first steamboat, never
started the first newspaper in the
United States. In another way did he
fall below the conventional Q. X. stand
ard He should never have used to-
baeeo in any form. and should never
have tasted drop OF whisky in his
life. How delightful 70 be recorder