Mesa free press., 1898-03-11

crowded theater like this, don't you r.
She-"Yes; there are too meny people
around."-Life.
Hawkins-"So you sent for doctor? ?
Does he think you will be out soon"
Robbins-"I imagine so. He said he
wished I had sent for him sooner
Puck.
There's burglar in the houser' she
gasped. II have never yet uncovered
my head for any man" her husband re-
joined, with an affectation Of hauteur.
Puck.
"Darlingw he cried, and threw him.
self at her feet. The naughty damsel
shivered, as in apprehension. "That
low Princeton tacklew she muttered,
striving to be calm.-Life.
She (reading)-"Mice are fond Of
music, and will get as close to it as
they can." He-"Just cut that out and
I'll send 1t to the girl in the next
fat. -Yonkers Statesman.
Recruiting Sergeant-"Do you know
anything about the drill?" Recruit
"Av coorse. Didn't OF jist tell We OF
wurked In quarry these foive year
pas? st?'-Philadelphia Record.
Beginning early: Bridegroom =
Where shall we go, dearest-Niagara
Falls or Washington?" Bride-"We
might go to both places and see which
we like best" Brooklyn Life.
Elsie-"When all the boys sing to-
gether it is just charming. But why
don't you have soloists in your glee
club? Teacher-'They prefer to di-
vide the responsibility" princeton
Tiger.
Wickwire-"I like Timmins' stories.
He has such light touch" Simmins-
Eyes, that's one thing in Timmins' IA
vor; he rarely strikes one for more than
two or three dollars" indianapolis
Journal.
"Mr. Grumpy" said the chronic bor-.
rover, 'I'm financially embarrassed
to-day. Can you help me outY Cheer
fully" Then Grumpy kicked his caller
through two Offices and long halfway.
Detroit Free Press.
Household Diplomacy: Eyes, al
ways give Dickie magic-lantern ev-
cry Christmas" why do you do
that?' 1T keeps my husband at home
for several nights trying to make it
work" Detroit Free Press.
Il never do anything by halves" re-
marked the man who was hurrying
along the street. That's all right,
mister" replied Meandering Mike, who
had just Overtaken him; "a quarter or
seyenty-five cents II do."-Washington
Star.
Henry-"Did it ever occur to your
mind that some of the greatest works
of literature have been wrought out in
prison" William-"Yes; why would
MT it be good idea to send about two
dozen Of our rising young authors to
jailY-Indianapolis Journal.
81 had the worst kind of luck in the
Klondike," said the returned gold
seeker. Didn't you find any gold?'
asked his friend. ''Oh, yes, found
gold. But every time / had three Of
kind was dead sure to run up
against full house."-Puck.
Tom-"Did you give Miss Gotrox
Christmas presentw Jack-"I tried
to. Offered her myself, you know"
Tom-"And she refused you" Jack
II suppose that's what it amounts to-
She said she didn't believe it was right
for girl to accept very costly gifts."-
Brooklyn Life.
"Do you know why it is that so many
explorers seek the Arctic and so few
the Antarctic regions?1 'Well, I think
I could make pretty good guess.
"Why| ''The Arctic regions are not
quite so far away from the headquar-
ters Of the managers Of the lecture
bureaus" s."-Chicago Post.
Mrs. Hymen-"I am afraid you do
not think so much of me, Charles, as
you used to. l can remember when
you declared was worth my weight in
gold" Mr.. Hymen-"That's what I
still say, but you must remember that
you have lost at least twenty pounds
the last year." Boston Transcript.
what do you think? My wife's
father told me before we got married
that he would give me handsome
present on our wedding day" "And
didn't hep "Well, l waited over a
week, and as he didn't mention the
subject, asked him for it; and all he
said was: why, didn't give you my
daughterY Y"-Philadelphia Bulletin.
"Of course" he said, ref1ectively, 'I
am not making any complaint about it.
All desire to say is that can't under
stand it." "You can't understand
what?' inquired his wife. "Why can
you put gilded spheres and gaudy fab
rics all over Christmas tree six feet
high and four thick for seventy-fve
cents, when it costs at least $18 to
trim bonnet four inches in diameter"
Washington Star.
Merchant presenting itemized state
ment)-"Look that over, Mr.. Literal,
and send me check at your leisure.
And, by the way, let me congratulate