The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-04-25
EPISTLES TO ST. PAUL.

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Mort" is having some repairs put on him
self at st. Joseph'sl hospital Nearly every
body In any way connected with public affairs
knows Mort and is familiar with his cynl-
cal humor. He is one Of the Oldest reporters
In the town and was John Clark's secretary.
He went to the hospital week ago, and will
be there for week or two yet.
People who have had occasion to call on
friends laid up in the hospital will remember
that one Of the features of the hospital room
Is the tab that lies on the table and upon
which record is kept of the patients con-
dltlon from hour to hour. The pulse, temper
ature, nourishment taken, and that SORT OF
thing are recorded. Mort was presented
with nice new tab when he came from the
operating room the other day. and the story
of his life is written thereon. friend called
on Mort" Friday
How do you feel?" asked the friend.
Well I'll tell you," said Mort you had
better not ask me. for l think 1 feel rotten.
Just take look at the tab there and you'll
see how l feel according to science. The doc
tor comes in here and asks me how am.
I'm full of pains and I tell him so. That is.
if have strength enough to speak. He feels
my pulse, looks at my tongue, takes rubber
at the bulletin board there and says You're
all right Personally I'm convinced that l
have about three minutes to live. but that
doesn't seem to cut any figure. While I'm
here l am not 1 feel but as / look on
paper. You take pipe at the bulletin there
If you're really looking for information"
About two weeks ago a man went into a
Seventh street pawnbroker's place and asked
to look at some diamonds. The proprietor
was out and the shop was in charge of boy
of 10 or whereabouts. The man talked to the
boy while and went out. During the fol-
lowing ten days the same man put in an ap-
pearance a half-dozen times. and had estab-
lished quite an intimacy with the shop boy,
for he never happened to arrive when the
pawnbroher himself was in. The other morn
ing he arrived rather early and looked at
some unmounted stones and some rings. He
picked out a ring and said to the boy.
Look here: l want this ring, but l don't
want to pay the price. I'll tell you what I'll
do. You can nip the ring easy enough, and
the old manll think that somebody stole it
out of the tray. You bring it to me and I'll
give you twenty and say nothing" The boy
asked where he could meet him and the man
gave address ard went out.
When the proprietor came in the boy told
him about how a strange man had tried to
seduce him from the path of rectitude. The
old man thought minute.
''He said he'd gf you 'dwendy, did he?" he
remarked. well. w don'd you do bitzness
vd him? I'll fix id He took the stone out
of the ring and put in Rhinestone that
looked very much liketit. ''Tage him dat, +"
he said. The boy grinned, and in few min
utes he was back with the twenty.
"Vot did he say?" asked the boss.
"He said that i'll could cop another 1
could do some more business with him."
we'll, if he gomes;in here again you sell
him one Of dem gosd balls for eight hummer
tollar. It does me good, Ikey. to sell gold
brick to a crook. ~ &.
Gus Pixley, the 'f@histling tramp" is some
| thing Of joker, and,na one who knows him
| the least BIT will have anything to do with
him on a serious basis. One of his good
things is to have a spool of thread in his
pocket and have the end of the thread poked
through a hole in his ;:coat. so that it lies
along the cloth and invites the friendly hand
to remove it. The friendly one generally buys
after he has pulled out a yard CT two
He also carries a watch chain that is a
good thing 1t is endless; it is passed through
the ring of his watch, then through hole in
the pocket of his vest and through the but,
| tonho-e. 1t is massive, and dip" easily
picks Pixley out block away.
When Gus was here. the week before last,
he spent good deal of his time between this
town and Minneapolis. and J. one afternoon
when he was coming over he landed in "a
car seat with seedy-looking person, who
was enjoying the effects of lovely pack
age" He saw PiXleys watch chain and COW
eted it. 1t looked like the real thing, and
Gus looked soft" The crook got into con-
versation with the actor. and Pixley gave him
all the rope he wanted. Presently the stran-
ger saw the end Of the thread on Gus coat
and proceeded to pick it off. He had got sew
eral feet of thread rolled up before Pix.ey
stopped him with the remark:
Cheese; you're unraveling my shirt"
That made the crook think that perhaps the
man with the chain that was good thing was
wise, but Pixley gave him the chance he was
looking for by going to sleep after a little.
And in a minute Mr.. Crook had hold of the
watch chain and started to pull on it. 1t
slipped through the pocket easily, and the
fellow thought it must be worth something If
it was on the square and that long. But the
watch didn't come. and the crock got on pres
emily. He got up Disguised and Gus came to.
Don't hurry away" said Gus. 1--WE got
lovely line of spring style god bricks, If you'd
care to look at them
The passengers had caught on by this time,
and the dip" didn't wait for the car to stop.
He swung himself over the gates.
The Pbilist ne.