The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-04-06
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

you give me penny for my
.houghts?" Maud-''You're exorbi-
tant. STANDARD.
''In the case of many suspected
murderer the innocent often suffer-"
"Shakel You've been on a jury, too,
have you?"-Judge.
Wifey-'H I had my life to live
over again 1 wouldn't marry the best
man alive!" Hubby-"Quite right
wouldn't ask you~-Standard.
Friend-'T understand the vermi.
form appendix is of no use." Doctor
-"Nonsensel 1t has been a gold
mine to the medical profession. y
Puck.
He-"I saw Miss Scorcher get o
bad fall from her bicycle the other
day." She-"What did you. do?"
He-'T offered her a pin. "-Atchison
Globe.
Florenz-"H comes my Hans.
The dear boy says am always in his
thoughts. Marie-"Well, he cer-
tsinly looks as if he had weight on
his mind. standard.
Would it be right to call house.
mover a shoplifter?" asked the ambi-
tious boodler. Hardly" said AS
bury Peppers. "He is apt to be a
housebreaker, though. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
The chief difference between tho
man with lot of new-made money
and the gentle zephyr" said the Corn
fed Philosopher, ''is that the gentle
zephyr blows. itself quietly. - In
dianapolis Journal
The Dun--'I hope you won't be
offended if / remind you that we are
very much in need of the money!"
The Dunned-"N at all. If any
body's going to be offended it is your
self. Boston Transcript.
Lady Guest Ito hostess "RealIy,
1 couldn't eat another hot roll, dear.
1 don't know how many I've had al
ready" Freddy Sitting opposite)-
81 do; you've eaten eight! I've been
counting. Boston Globe.
First College Girl-"What is to be
the title of your graduation essay?"
Second College Girl" Beyond the
Alps Lies Italy What's the title Of
yours?" First College Girl-'Be-
yond the altar lies the washtub.".-
Judge.
Mrs. Decree" "The newspapers are
very discriminating" Her Friend
"Why SO, dear?" Mrs. Decree
"They publish columns about my
divorce suit, and now they don't say
word about second marriage. North
American.
Mamma Ito Tommy, who is taking
his first lesson in reading)-"What's
the difference between a comma and
period2" Tommy "a comma,
mamma, is a dot with tail hanging
TO it, while q period is just plain
dot. t."-Judge.l
= Matilda, 1 wish you would ask
that young Mr.. Peters to have his
cuff buttons replated." "Why.
mamma, what do you mean?" 'They
seem to leave black streaks on the
bacf Of your shirt waist every even
ing. STANDARD.
"The trouble with you," said Mr..
Ruffedge's wife after warm debate,
"is that you are O confirmed dyspep-
tic" "No, my dear, was the answer,
"that's not correct. The trouble with
me is that / am contradicted
dyspeptic. Washington Star.
''You shall be queen of my home,"
said young Mr.. Northside, enthusias-
tically, when Miss Perrysville had
given her promise to marry him. "I'd
rather be the chancellor Of the ex-
chequer, George, DEAR" replied the
practical maiden. .--Pittsburg Chron-
icle.
Little Dot-"Oh, mamma, the organ
grinders monkey is at the window,
an he has q little round box in his
hand" Mamma &c well, my pet,
what do you think he wauts?" Little
Dot latter glance at the organ grind
er)--"I dess he wants to borrow some
soap"
"Habberjohn doesn't seem to have
a very lovable nature" "Well, no.
II Habberjohn were at a banquet and
some one should discover that there
were thirteen at the table, oil eyes
would instinctively turn toward Hub
berjohn as the one to go."-In-
disnapolis Journal
"Young man, this is the third time
this week you have come to take my
daughter sleighriding. If you pay
cash for the horses and sleigh it means
either lunacy or bankruptcy, and II
you don't it means that you are
dead beat" 81 own the livery stable,
SIR" "That's different. Chicago
Tribune.
Amt Sarah las she lays aside her
bonnet) et)-"Weren' those flowers that
they had at Jane Newcomb's funeral
handsome, Eben? II does seems
though some folks just have every
thing. Now 1 s'pose they'll have o
monument with angels on it, or some
thing. But let them just wait; our
turp'll come some time, see u II
don't. Judge.
Juneau Jnke-'So the boys lynched
old Chilkoot Sam? Why, he was q
harmless old critterl Couldn't tell gold
dust from brown sugar. Whatd he
done?" Placer Pete-"Why. one night
last week, when it was freezin' the
lamp blazes so that feller could take
'em and use 'em fer whet-stones, that