Mesa free press., 1898-12-02
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problem Of a mans existenceY Get
ting his own consent to crawl ont of
bed in the morning."
Minister'S ife-Tommy Crowther,
you haven't washed your face to-day.
Tommy Crowther-Taint Sunday
San Francisco Chronicle.
George, don't you see that Jane is
taking your candyY II don't care.
It's the kind that always makes her
sick."-Cleveland Plaindealer.
Mrs. Wackum-How did that naughty
boy OF yours hurt himself? Mrs. Snap
per-That good little boy of yours hit
him on the head with brick.
Algy-You say she only partially re-
turned your affection? Clarence-Yes.
She returned all the love letters, but
retained all the jewelry.-Tit-Bits
Goldsborough-You may say what
you like about Ricketts,, but he's as
good as his word. Poindexter-But con-
slider how many bad words he uses.
A Tangled Web.-Tommy-Pa, why
are single women called spinsters? Pa
Il expect it's because they are always
spinning a web to catch a man.-Lon-
don Fun.
Progressively say the Friday SUI
perstttion has been exploded in Spain"
'TndeedT Eyes; they've come to think
that one day is just as unlucky as an
other."-Puck.
"He says his soldier life reminded
him constantly of home and mother"
"How was thatY' 'They wouldn't let
him sleep late in the mornings. Chi
cago Evening Post.
''Do you think Boeckle, the tailor,
would give me credit on suit Of
clothesY' "Does he know you"
''No." 20, In that case he wouldv'-
Das Kleine Witzblatt.
Coal dealer (anxiously)-Hold on!
That load hasn't been weighed. 1t
looks to me rather large for ton.
Driver 'Tain't intended for ton. It's
two tons. Dealer-Beg pardon. Go
ahead.
'No," he said, 81 don't care for poetry.
Fact is haven't time to read much Of
anything" why" she sweetly asked,
"don't you try to learn to roll your
cigarettes with one hand Y'-Chicago
News.
'This dog, madame, would be cheap
at one hundred" II would take him,
but am afraid my husband might OBJ
ject." Madame, you can get another
husband much easier than a dog like
that."-Life.
Visitor Ito sexton digging grave in
churchyard)-Who's dead? Sexton
Old Squire Thornback. Visitor-What
complaint? Sexton without looking
up)-No complaint; everybody salts
f1ed.-Tit-Bits.
"fYes," remarked the Widow Tacum,
''before we were married I used to ad-
mire John because thought he was so
noble. continued to admire him after
wards; but it was because he was such
splendid humbug!"
Aline-Isn't it sickening the way Miss
Up-to-date tries to put on mannish
airs? Anna-Perfectly Pretended to
lose her collar button this morning
when she knew all the time where 1t
was.-Harper's Bazaar.
II understand you won the blue rib
bon, SO to speak, in the examination
for the civil service" 'I-ah-would
hardly call it that" answered the mild
young man. LET US say won the red
tape."-Indianapoh Journal
Tommie-Hullo, Jimmie, what KEEP
you? Jimmie-Me and the oil man had
an rg'ment. He wanted me to haul
some wood into the back yard. Tom
mellow did it end? Jimmie-1n
draw-I drawed it.-Truth.
'eWhy Is a merchant who does not
advertise like man in a row-boat"
asked the student. "Keeps going back
ward" guessed his friend. "No; he is
trying to get along without sales" said
the student.-Spokane Spokesman-Re-
view.
She-Before we are married and 1t Is
forever too late, confess to me whether
there Is anything in your past life that
you think I might not approve Of. He
trembling)-Well, If you must know
all, I kept a diary for nearly three
weeks once.
Mistress-1 saw two policemen sit
ting in the kitchen with you last night,
Bridget. Bridget-Well, ma'am, yez
wouldn't hov an unmarried lady be sit
tin alone with only wan policeman,
would yez? The other wan was q
chaperon.
What did Colonel Stilwell say about
the branded peaches we sent to cheer
his convalescence" "He said he was
afraid he was not strong enough to eat
the fruit" replied the little girl, but
that he appreciated the spirit In which
1t was ent."-Washington Star.
IT understand that a fellow has to
know a lot to get into Office under the
District government" said the young
man. "Y-e-es," replied the old EN-