Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-10-02

Ing as are the respected matrons whose
rames have been perpetuated above IL
they wish TO openly declare war they fail
70 return each others calls, but IL they
merely desire to fight from ambush they
follow the system to the letter. But they
u are more business-like IN the way they
go about IT. They mark off routes like
the postman and make day OF the busi-
ness. In this way, by judiciously calcu-
lating when they will find their friends
out, they can pay from fifty to sixty
calls in a day, besides gaining much
general information all along the line. Oc-
casionally, they arrange 10 find one an
other at home, for there are times when
certain bits of information are needed or
when purposes can best he served by an
actual interview.
For instance. IL Miss Nobows knows
that a certain youth is wont to visit Pris-
! ella in the afternoon she pounces on her
| at that hour. II the young man is snap
pish and wriggly and churlish, she con-
cludes that the couple are engaged; II not,
she has data wherewith to proclaim that
the duffer doesn't care "2 cents" for that
Tittaltattle thing"
| And the damsel with the Puritanical
name sometimes finds it convenient to
| catch Mandy at home. too. For instance.
| II Priscilla has been to an opera when
! cost her lover 81 a seat. and Mandy was
conspicuously absent from the expensive
! entertainment, the said Priscilla Will HE
| herself to the Nobcws domicile and Incl
! dentally ask in her naive way: "Where
did you sit at the opera last night. Mandy.
| dear? And the maid who had no lover
| with alteration Of the A-a-seat class VIII
| feel all over in spots. but she will utilize
n last years spell Of neuralgia in eXph-
| nation. Just before the pesky Titttaltat-
tie rustles herself back home she says:
| by the way, dearie. don't tell Cecelie
Sharpeyes that called TO see you to-day;
/ owe her two visits. and she's so funny
about getting huffy. Ta-ta, dear heart
| exit Priscilla, amid gnashing of Aman-
das teeth)
This is the iron bound. irresistible. in
| exorable system of calling" from which
the brute man is exempt, but which for
ever holds the lash over womankind and
makes them slaves 10 one another. 1t is
too exacting to generate friendships; too
trivial TO stimulate the intellect, and too
farcical to demand consideration, yet
fourishes as an immutable feminine in
| stitution.
In all these long years OF my pious and
! useful life l have never been able TO de-
| eide whether or not ] enjoy Sundays.
| There are some good features about the
| day. and also some bad features. OF
| course. it's glorious 10 sleep late "of a
| Sabbath morning. and then 10 stalk forth
| in all the starchy glory of a weekly
clean shirt. And so, too. II is sweet. while
| thus displaying ones purple and fine
| linen, TO know that a good dinner is in
| process Of preparation, and that II can
! be digested-if at all-with due delibera-
ton and dignity and without the neces-
sity of galloping back TO ones tyrannicai
| employer. These are all pleasant features,
| but after dinner-about the time the
| starched shirt begins TO scratch and
| chafe, and the matter of digestion TO be
| decided favorably or unfavorably--a little
| touch Of boredom creeps in, and you real
1 ize the first twinges of that dark brown
| Monday feeling which always awaits you
| on the day after the Sabbath. The
| chances, by the way, are fifty TO one
| that the big dinner, which you have an
| ticipated ever since breakfast time VIII
refuse 10 "set right" and that II will
| give YOU a grumpy feeling. which is worse
| than the smell OF benZine You get rest
| less. and half way imagine you are
| prisoner. And the probabilities are That,
| in a way, you are prisoner Sunday az
| ternoops are "of" times for your house
| Girl. and her early departure leaves you
| as nurse for the children while your wlte
| takes a nap Children on such occasions
1 are like flies on rainy day, except that
1 thew are. a thousand times more pestife-
| rous To read while they are wrigginG
| about is as difficult as IL is TO keep from
| looking pleased when some one fiatters
| YOU. and If you weren't the most impa-
tent scoundrel on earth. you couldn't
much blame them for being restless. In
our own heart you are longing TO sneak
| down 10 the post-otflce and get your mail,
| or TO peep in at your shop. To be candid,
| Won have an Irresistible desire TO do
something sinful The very air smells
! pious and il hurts you TO be decorous.
All during the week you had imagined
| that nothing would suit you better than
| n chance to Toll about the house and pick
| at your wife. But the opportunity, when
| found, is disappointing. is Il drag, land is
| full OF monotony.
| Nv nIghtfaIl, despite the children. you
have perused everything readable in the
| Sunday paper. and after supper you even
tackle the want advertisements. The day
seems like a thousand years TO you, and
Won conclude that you would almost
rather work than lead such q life-almost.
/ say but not quite.
Excuse me from Sundays, or at least
from sundays with of days for the
house girl, and stiff shirts and big din
ners and excessive piety.
Next 10 eating roe-herring and stewed
tomatoes with biack-eye peas. there's no.
thing which affords me so much substan-
tial pleasure as giving advice TO people.
NV own life never was bowling success
and Il is not the custom to haye brass
bands meet me when | travel IRON place
10 Mace. but for ali that. can Beat the
a,orld as an adviser. / always could tell
some other fellow how to become rich
and famous. though ! have hitherto been
TOO unselfish to avail myself Of my own
sSlsdom. You may wake me up at any
hour OF the night and ask my opinion on