Evening journal., 1898-01-06

IL 1OD READ THEM DEL OlNL obA-
PER THEY WILL AID YOUR d.
GEsTION, BUT THERE IS MOTH
ING PUT IN THEM TO LULL YOU
OPERATOR KANEs LAUGH
ANATOAIICALLY CONSIDERED
Operator Frank Kane. of the Police
Department, believes In the maxim of
laugh and grow fat No matter how
vinegar-visaged and time furrowed old
Mother Earth may appear to others, 10
Operator Kane she always discloses
smiling c0untenance and a wealth OF
sympathetic feeling He contends, and
She comedies. that she owes him not
only living but also his fun share
Of earth's happiness with IL. He sets
as much store by that inalienable right
Of the pursuit Of happiness. as he does
BY the rights Of life and liberty. He
finds nothing in the Ten Command
ments which constrains him to go
through this life with an elongated
countenance. For him the path OF life
runs along the sunny side Of the bright
and sparkling stream Of laughter
rather than through the damp and dis
NAL vale OF tears. Life rs too short for
long faces; and smiles and hiiarity are
cheaper and less wearing than sighs
and tears. He knows that there Is a
bright side to life if one Will but look
for It diligently and increasingly. Long
experience has taught him how to lind
il easily, and the reflex Of his golden
discovery is made manifest wherever
he goes. A halo OF gOod-nature sur
rounds him at all times and places, and
1t seems to say: Laugh and grow
Tat, for tomorrow We die.
His laugh is not one OF those dwarfed
and crippled conventional things which
are affected by men and women who
believe that hearty a'A natural laugh
ter IS a crime. Not lRL II Is some
thing longer, broader nd more sub
stantial 1t is two sql3res long, one
square broad, all wool, and comes out
like the echoes from the Cave OF
the Winds.
Mr. Kane is keenly appreclative OF
funny situations and stories. The per
son who tells him a joke without re-
ceiving "a hearty laugh for his palms
must have narrated something almost
as pathetic as 81 am dying, Egypt, dy'
ingi" or I'm TO be queen of the May
mother; I'm to be queen OF the May! J!
Mr.. Kane has complete command
OF the orblcular muscle. Perhaps nS
man In town has one which is undel
more perfect control. 1t viii fetch an1
carry, SIT up and bark, and do amy
thing but retrieve n blackbird, an'
there are many well-bred orbcular
muscles which will not do that Hi
palpebral cartilages are the envy OF al
his colleagues on the force, and the.
and the conjunctva get along exceed
ing,y well, considering that they be
long TO different political parties
Sometimes he laughs until he break
the lachrymal apparatus and then IN
canals are fun TO oveTilOWlng, but tn
lachrymal fluid is always sparkling an'
full OF good-fee,ing and good-fellow
ship. Ills sclerotic coat is double
breasted and cut in Prince Albert styh
with a cornea facing. In his ward
robe he also has a ehoroid coat, an
upon the lapel he wears a beautiful
bouquet of iris and retina, with sma
spray Of pigmenitls. When in goo
health he has three humors, which al
known as the aqueous, crystalline an
vitreOus. All OF his friends and Ak
Quaintances envy him his optic fora
men. and the harmonious relations el
listing between his superior obliqu
muscle and his inferior Oblique muse
are remarked by everyone. All th
means a great deal to the man VIII
wants to look on the sunny side OF lif
When a person tells Mr.. Kane goc
Joke his auricle raises its ears an
wags its tail, and, If il be a particula
" funny thing, IL may bark AS II
story progresses the cerumen con
mences to crack TO the vibrations
the tympanum, and the anterior lobe
the cereblQm sits down on the edge
the medulla oblongata in the sylvia
fssure and begins gnawing the savoi
tidbit. while the glosso-p -pharyngeal an
the pneumo- gastric stand licking the
chops on opposite hemispheres of u
cerebellum, eying one another jealou
ly and wondering whether or not the
will be any scraps left after the M
terror lobe of the cerebrum &c
through eating. The lateral ventricl
lower their horns and paw the cart
while the corpus callOsum raises
Quadrigeminal body in languid ma
ned and sinks off and hides himself
the great longitudinal hssure. Tn
makes the infundibulum mad and
climbs up on one OF the mammilla
eminences. and hits the fornix an e
0speratlng blow on lle poateilor pt
forated space knocking him from Il
third TO the fourth ventricle follo'
ing the course OF all the convolution
and destroying. TO some degree, the a
borssosnt appearance Of the cerebt
lum, on his way TO the bottom Of u
deep longitudinal fssure Deputy Cor
ner Chandler is called in and arriv
just in time TO hear the fornix say Ia
the infundibulum owed him a grud
and had been laying for him for son
time. and he requests Mr.. Chandler
give him a sip Of sherry-cobbl
through the Eustachian tube The ms
let breaks away from the tympar
membrane, puts one foot in the sti
rup kicks an eight-by-ten pane Of c
thedral glass out Of the oval windO
and sends the fragments flying doy
into the labyrinth. Some Of them iai
on the coc0a-fibre mat in the vestibu
while Others fall into the waters Of Z
semi-circular canals which Mr.. Ka
owns and operates. and the spray
sent flying over Cochlea, who Is us