The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1898-04-05

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The Msjor Thinks The "v aIler" Journals
And Wall street Are Making a Speck
Out OF he War Talk-He Can't cave
His Politics To Go 10 Wa During a
Campaign g
B-''Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R-"Hello! Major. I hardly ex
pected to hear from you this morning.
rather expected to learn that you had
gone to Cuba"
B-"Goshl I've give up the idea ov
goin' ter Cuba Betsy say g the news
papers an Wall Street are runnin' this
war business inter the ground, an I've
erbout cum ter the conclusion that sbe
liz rite one time in her life The news
papers are tryin' ter sell papers an
Wall Street IL doin' a lot ovspeculatin',
an a feller don't know whut ter look
fer. One thing II sartin' an two things
shore, if they don't quit messIn' erOuL d
they will bev up War, an war Il sOrter
announcement fer me this year. This
liz campaign year an me an Kurnell
Joseetus D niels hev cot out ter save
the State an in the general windup
land on sum sort Ov a soft snap. /
reckon Joseefus hez his eyes sot IN the
publick prIntIn' or anything else which
will pay a dIvlden, an I've got my
eyes on most anything frum magistrate
up ter Kongress. I'm In it fer the
honor ov the thing more than the
money they mite be in it. So you see
I'm IN a mIty tite phase so far az wal il
consumed, unless they kin finish it up
In time fer me ter attend the conven
sions. Then another thing makes it a
bad year fer htin' Spanish an other
cattle an rattlesnakes IL the well
known fRck that Chairman Butler il
Rgoin' ter capter awl US dymakrats an
so we can't go ter war nohow. Bill
Mckinley an Gen. Miles an the rest
~ 'em may toot their war horns az
loud sz they please, but 3hey can't
muster out nary a dymakrat this year.
OLh11LA6A 0GlC z IA Ay p4C4
tized, bound hand an foot an gagged
before the first ov May. That will re
duce the film strength ov the country
so much that the inhabitants ov the
smallest ov the Canary Islands can
lick us out ov site. Then they in other
things that must be taken inter the
case. Me-. Caldwell, ov the railroad
commisshun may profess religion er
gin purity soon an do sumthin' awful
SO the railroads can't run trains ter
carry the eUldIers ter the front. He
may reverse himself sum more an
buy up the railroads 80 they can't turn
q wheel nor operate a hotel. 1t looks
ter me like the railroad commishun
must think the railroads are aWl orfun
asylumns. an they are afraid the little
orfruns will hev ter go barefotted an
hungry if they reduce rates. Betsy
says she thinks the railroads are ixin'
ter put the raiIroade commishun IN the
hands ov a reseever, but / reckon that
IL sum more ov her Populist nonsense.
I tole her the railroad commishun be
longs to the people ov the CRATE State
ov North Carolina an that the rail
rodes can't do anything with it. But
Betsy il so blamed cranky that she
sorter believes the commishun would
close up shop an go home if Kurnell
Andrews would say the wurd. l reckon
she got that idea frum a little remark
or two made by Chairman Caldwell
sayin' that he thought the commishun
orter be abolished, or Wurds ter that
effect. When a Teller gifts so blamed
guide that he wants hiz Cms abolished l
begin ter git s~uspeckshus ov him.
Betsy says that if sum people don't
make better records than they are do,
In the dymakrats will carry the State
an we will hev the South Carolina
Louisiana election law an'Iots ov other
things hoatin' Ground an that the jig
will be up then fer a thousand or so
years. Gudebye."
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