Mesa free press., 1898-01-28


your patient, DR.. Jones'" He-"But he
was Ill long, long time"-Punch.
Friend-"How do you get along with
the cookingT The Bride-"Admira-
bly,! 1 blame it on the range" Puck.
"How can you call man a Christian
who loves himself as that Teller does p
"Well, I've heard that he is his own
worst enemy."-Puck.
Founder has had to go out Of the
band" what was the trouble?' "He
has got too fat to balance the bass
drum. "-Chicago Record.
"Our organist has an easy time Of it."
"In what way?" when he wants his
wheel pumped up he attaches it to the
organ. Chicago Record.
He-"I suppose if your father found
me here he would kick me out of the
doorw She-"Oh, 1 don't know; papa s
punting is retched."-Detroit Jour
nal
Chorus Of Excited Voices-"Heavens
A boat wrecked, you say? And none
of its occupants escaped?" Life Saver
(grimly)-"Only the fellow who rocked
it.''-Truth.
Jill-"Is Gill good judge of cigars?'
Bill-"I think he must be. He had two
last night and he gave me one. He
must have kept the pest one. '-Yon-
kers Statesman.
A bald-headed man tainted the other
day from the heat. He was very in
dignant, when he was reviving, at
hearing Cockney exclaim, Give him
hair-give him hair"
periority over the Wheel What is
it,? when horse is getting ready to
shy at anything, you can tell it by his
ears" Chicago Record.
Hall-"What are you doing now?'
Gallon, I'm making house-to-
house canvass to ascertain why people
don't want to buy new patent clothes
wringer. Chicago News.
Darling" he cried, II cannot live
without you" But" she replied, my
father is bankrupt" Gin that case" he
despondently replied, II guess I'll go
and shoot myself. Chicago News.
1eacher-"Don't any of you know
how to find mountains on the map?
Now, look at this map of Alaska. What
is that row or chain of dark, round
spots?" Glass Gin chorus)-"Nuggets"
Puck
Alice-"What a gallant person Mr..
Dunkley is. He never addresses me
without beginning Fair miss Dor
othy-"Oh, that's force of habit. He
used to be a street-car CONDUCTOR.
Cleveland Leader.
Bowery Bill-"Say, young Teller, you
ought to stop smokin' cigarettes. Dey
amt good fer yer" Cholly-"W why
not? Bowery Bullock how nerv-
Gus yer get just cause gen'Pman asks
yer fer a light" -Puck.
Teacher-"Well, Jane, what is your
fathers businessT Jane-"He's col
lector, num-" Teacher-"And for
whom does he collect money! Jane
"He doesn't collect money. He's col
lector of rags."-Boston Ideas.
She-.But surely you believe that he
sins of the father are visited on the
childrenY' He-"Rather. My COVER
nor promised to let me have flyer this
morning; but he lost it at poker last
night, so 1 didn't get itp'-Punch.
To-
ing the biographer on the street, II
have been reading your manuscripts.
There is great deal about yourself in
them. They seem to me to be You
moirs rather than Memoirs. Puck
Shelf you could have one wish,
what would it be-" He-"It would be
that-that-oh, if I only dared to tell
you what it would bev She-"Well,
go on. Why do you suppose brought
up the wishing subject ?'-Chicago
News.
Mrs. PorEley-I often wonder how
people manage to understand each
other in France" Mrs Gotham-"How
absurd" Mrs. Porkley-'Well, both
my daughters speak French, and they
can't understand each other."-Up-to-
Date.
Proprietor average hotel-"Very
sorry, sir, but you will have to leave
this house at once" Guest-"Goodness
me! What have 1 done" Proprietor
(solemnly)-"Yous said something to a
waiter which has displeased the cook"
yellow Book.
Lady interviewing housemaid)-
"Why did you leave your last placer"
ousemaid-"Because the master kiss
ed me, num-" Lady-"And you didn't
like it, eh?" Housemaid-"Oh, l did
MT mind it, mum, but the mistress did
MT like it!'-Fun.
Miss Quickstep-"What part Of town
are we driving through, Mr.. Fibble"
Fweddy-"I haven't the least idea"
Miss Quickstep-"I was aware of that,
Still, l thought it possible you might
know what part Of town we are driving
through. "-ChicagO Tribune