Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-07-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY

Oome persons are proud OF thell
blood, but it's all in vein.
On opening the front door you fud
the hall stairs in your face.
A girl whose dress is perfect
dream" is always awake to the fact.
3 A carpenter may believe in maxims,
but he doesn't always trust an old
saw.
They don't furnish cats and dogs
with caudal appepdages at retail
store.
Helm not myself tonight. 4"
She-"Then how dare you speak to
me, sir, without an introduction ?"-
Chicago News.
She-"Don't you think it is danger
ous to eat mushrooms?" He-''Not
a bit of danger in it. The danger is
in eating toadstools.'
! ''What made you so anxious to in.
troduce Highly and Digby?" "Higby
tells war stories and Digby tells fish
stories. New York Journal.
'Does young Mr.. Slimmins shine in
society?" asked young woman.
"Some," replied Miss Cayenne; ''es-
pecially about the coat sleeves"
"Seems to me you didn't thump
quite so hard as usual at the concert
last night. Weren't you well?" "Oh,
yes; but it was my own piano, you
see."
4 -"Nobbins seemst to be hold
ing up his head of late" Wicks-
eyes; it probably comes of reading
newspaper bulletins. boston Tran
script.
! Dawdler-"Snithers writes poetry
for magazines" Defton-"Is that
so? How many magazines do they
give him for each poem?" ?"-Roxbury
Gazette.
! Fiddler-"Yes, Boston has turned
out great many musicians-yours
truly among the number" Quiz
"Well, how can you blame her?"--
Brooklyn Lie.
( Half the world doesn't know how
the other half lives; but if it could be
convinced that such knowledge was
none of its business, it would try
mighty hard to find out.-Puck.
! Lecture lin museum)-" IA
dies and gents, there are freaks aid
freaks, but this man stands alone.
5pectator-''If he'll stand loan Of
Eve dollars, I'll divide with you
"The young woman you are en-
gagged to is very fascinating, I unde.-
stand?" Fascinating? I had 20
stand in line seven hours to get 0
propose to her. Chicago Record.
An old lady refused the gift of
load of wood from a tree struck ly
Lightning, through fear that some If
the fluid" might remain in the wooo,
and cause disaster to her kitchen stove.
Mendicant Michael" "Shure, ma al
I've got sivin small children at home,
all under fve." Mrs. SINNERS
en children! Any twins?" Mend
can't Michael---"All twins. Tit Bit
/ First Tramp-"I hear they ats
building new Jail, with all modern
improvements. Second Tramp
That won't do no good. You'll need
a pull to get in there. ."-Fliegende
9aetter.
She-"I am not up in the language
Of flowers. What did that bunch oil
acqueminots mean that you sent meY'
He-"I don't get the translation from
the florist until the end of the month";
The Manhattan.
Bacon-"Is that man Crimsonbeak
in favor of warp" Egbert-"No. in
deedl Every night he's out late he
takes home oysters or something to
his wife. think he's for peace at any
price. ."-Yonkers Statesman.
"AIy son." said the aged politician,
''it is better, especially when you are
talking about the enemies in your own
party, to use only soft and honeyed
words. They are much easier to eat,
should occasion arise. ."-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Sagasta -"Well, Your Majesty, We
have one hope left. The rainy season
is about to begin in Cuba" The
Queen Regent-''Ah, senor, it looks
to me very much as if the reigny sea-
son was about to end there. ."-Cleve-
land Leader.
The Sarcastic Parent-"And you
lwant my daughter for herself alone?"
said the sarcastics old millionaire.
l''Yyes, SIR" "Well, my boy, I'll do
letter by you than that. I'll throw in
tle clothes she wears, too. ."-Cleve-
lud Plain Dealer.
Why is it, wonder, mused Sa-
g-sta, shat those Americans are such
dad shots?' sit must be their prac-
the at the national game" suggested
&llon. ''I've heard considerable
abut their putting the ball right over
th, plate. - Philadelphia North
American. >:
-tPa," began little Clarence, after a
shot season of silence, "a Chinaman
II" "Yes, my son." broke in Mr..
Calfpers hastily; "a Chinaman does
malE things which seem to us very
pecaliar." "Yes, 1 know, pa; but
what was going to ask you was,
ism it easier for camel to get
| throdrh the eve iof q needle than for