davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

less freedom If you kill me, sah. h this combat about to take place, you can push your bill as you will, but while can raise my voice it shall be in de- fense of the undefended hawg.
 With that, sah," said the kurneI. .we proceeded to business. When we had blindfoded ourselves we began creeping about and presently made stroke which pinned the judge to the wall through his shirt There was no precedent to go by, but after some talk we decided that honah must be satisfied. My stroke was meant for his heart, and it was not my fault that it only caught bis shirt. Then we sat down to argue about the bill, and in a quarter of an hour he had changed from an enthusiast to an opponent. How had I brought it about? Why, sah, 1 sim-A E ply talked snakes to him. I had itA down in black and white that the stafe of Arlxansaw was populated, so toe speak, by at least 100,000,000 snakes. I& was also prepared to prove that thosee t,260,000 wild hawgs kept that yearIv crop of 100, 100000 snakes down to about 10000 a year and that without thes hawgs no man could walk outdoahsS without being bitten. It was all figures-all figures, and to be relied on; and later on, when put lem beto% the senate in a speech, I was cheered to the echo and the bill killed as dead as herring. There it was, sah-thes legislature of Arkansaw vs. the wiIdS hawgs-Kurnel Bunker and the wild hawgs vs. the legislature Kurnel Bunker vs. Maiah scarbones and Judge Hopewell. and the kurnel coming irs under the wire full length ahead. AndTT that was it, sah. and that was the way sah; and now if this occasion seems to you to be a propitious one for inbib ing another-"
 It was so ordered and the kurne didn't even leave fragment of ice i1 the glass.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

different senators at once waited upon Majah Scarbones to ask if he was se- rious in introducing the bill. He re- piled that he was, and upon my honah, sah, he was so well prepared with facts and figures that he quickly won most of them over to his side He showed, sah-that insidious Majah Scarbones showed in black and white that there were 1,260, 900 hawgs running at large in the state of Arkansaw. Every one was a razor-back hawg-jest bone and skin and bristles, and of no value as a porker. If these l, ,260,000 razor-backs were penned up the state would be the gainer by 175, 100000 pounds of pork and bacon yearly. Figure that at ten cents a pound and you can see what kind of an argument he had. In the co'se of a week he had 8 majority of both houses with him. Then, sah, rode up. Then, sah, Kurnel Bunker unfurled his banner and stepped forth as the sole champion of the wild hawg of the SOW ereign state of Arlansaw. There we were, sah-the legislature vs. the razor r-bacl-Kurnel Bunker vs. the legislature. with the kurnel standing alone but determined to die in his tracks"
 The kurnel turned halfway round to stare at his empty glass, and by this time the hint was too broad to be neg lected. He made a long drink of it, and finally proceeded:
 My first step in the matter was to see Majah Searbones. The majah is a gallant man, sah, and gentleman from head to heel I invited him to walk in the garden of friend, and when the trees and bushes hid us from observation, produced my pistol and said
 Majah how far do you reckon it is from here to that white rosebush?'
 Nine paees to an inch says he.
 ".And would that shortage of three feet make any difference to you under the circumstances?
 Mot the slightest. I'm never fas- tidious as to whether it's nine or eleven paces.'
 The majah drew his pistol, sah. and walked down to the rose bush. and l left to him to give the word. We both fired at three. The majah's bullet tore through my hat, while mine grazed his shoulder and drew blood. The shock caused him to drop his weapon, and as he stopped to recover it he said:
 Kurnel Bunker, would it be an inn pertinence to ask what it is all about?'
 Majah scarbones, saysI, as I went nearer, you have introduced tili fo
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

in two hours time and the plumber has to pay for it, but not one time in twenty does he charge enough. to get a profit out of it. As he is figuring up his dead loss the newspaper comes out with: Another European Castle Bought by Plumber and the man who got a 5o-eent bill for q dollars worth of work is ready to swear that he has been robbed. Ten.y years have I been inethe business. and Instead of having wine for my dinner, like the umbrella-mender and the old clo' man. I must turn to weak coffee. I am pointed ont on the street as rolling in wealth from having plumbed some body's kitchen, but I haven [ sufficient ready cash to buy dog collar. The newspaper has it's little story of my making $10,ooO out of furnishing half a dozen wash-basins for the city hall. and men are afraid to bow to me on the street for fear I will send them a bilL It's all wrong, sir-a wrong. The plumber plnmbs because he hasn't got the cheek 10 be a lawyer or doc tor. and because his conscience would
 upbraid him as grocer or butcher.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

patriots und shed his blood if he don't haf beer? Mitout beer you vhas oop before you reach Cuba"
 l don't think of it before, but dot yhas so, und 1 haf to go back to Cant. Roedecker again. I neffer see a man so mad. He calls me one hoonered bad names .und I don't believe [ shall ever go 10 Cuba when he begins to smile und says:
 IT 1t vhas somepody else I don't fool init him one second, buff we don't haf you along our army yhas licked in no time. I shall hire some wagons to take along beer for you, und when we get to Cuba we shall capture a whole brewery. Maybe dot beer vhas not always ice-cold, und maybe he vhas not der best brand, but we shall do der best We can. I like you to be here tomorrow morning at ten o'clock und put your name down. More ash two hoonered men are waiting to see what you vhill do, und you must not stop dot war any longer"
 When l goes home l slump oop und down like a boy, und I make a speech und tell eaferbody vhas off to Cuba next day. It vhas some glorious times for two hours, den dot bologna man comes around und says:
 "Garl Dunder, if I yhas sooeh brave man ash you gif all my sausage fac tory"
 Dot pleases me und I smile.
 If you go by dot war we shall haf Cuba in one week"
 Dot ticllles me all oafer.
 You will sooeh a hero be as neffer vhas, and you shall come home to be president of dot United States. How ever. I like to ask you one question. You vhas man who eats butter on your bread. If you don't haf some butter you can't eat, und you vhas SO mad you broke all der dishes. You had better go back und ask dot captain how it vhas."
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

worked early and late and hard and
 been abused from one end of my route to the other, but as philanthropist have made life colder and more pleas ant for hundreds of people and have the credit for it in Heaven. I shall have to saw wood and shovel snow this win ter to support my family, as will thou sands of other icemen, but no one will hear us complaining. It may be an open winter, with less than half a dozen freezing nights to make next seasons croR but the opening of spring will find us pursuing our charitable rounds and dealing with the public on the same liberal basis as heretofore, which is an extra hunk on Saturday where you pay for three times week.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

limit and confne the wild hawg of Ar kansaw That bill shall never pass ex- cept over my dead body. have been the foe of oppression all my life, sah, and I shall die as have lived. The stars of heaven cannot be controlled by tho will of tyrants and neither can the razor-baek hawg. He has always been with us. He is part and parcel of us. He is a feature of our landscape and an emblem of our houndless freedom. Majah, let us keep on firing
 But the majah declined, sah-the maiah declined" said the kurnel, as he softly rubbed his hands together. He had taken q certain stand as senator, and as gentleman of honah he was bound to maintain it up to cer- tain point. That point was reached when blood had been shed. h five minutes I showed him the fallacy of his arguments, and he came down from his tree and abandoned his position. There we were, you see-Majah Scar- bones vs. the razor-baclls - Kurnei Bunker vs. Majah Scarbones. with the l<urnel on top. But I still had Judge Hopewell in the house, 10 deal with. He had become an enthusiast on the hawg-law, and it was question wheth- CT I could bring him to reason or not. He was terribly put out that the ma islil should have deserted him, but it only made him the mo determined. After a few days I called on him at his rooms at the hotel. When we had greeted each other I said:
 Judge Hopewell, we will not use pistols on this occasion, as we might damage the furniture We both carry Bowie-knives. You are man of honah, and you know me to be the same. Let each one blindfold himself, and at signal we will hunt for each other
 Is 1t about the hawgs P he asked, as he made ready.
 It is. While Kurnel Bunker lives and breathes in the state of Arkansaw, no legislature shall ever pass a law to deprive the razor back of his bound
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
T HAF MORE AS SIX FLAGS OUT"

about your headaches? Two times a week for 90 years you haf sooch headaches dot you haf to go to bed und sleep Q leetle. Nopody init a head ache can do some fighting. I guess it was better If you see about her right aFhay."
 Vhell, dot vhas so, und I goes by Capt Rockefeller und tells him. He don't like it at first, but by und by he says it vhas all right. Dot army needs me 50 bad dot may go to sleep when ny headache comes, und a doctor shall go along und make it all right. Dot makes me feel good again. All der yhay home yhas cheering for Bunker Hill und some patriots, und hang ont two more flags und set up dot beer for Ger crowd. Der old womans don't say nottings to me, but by und by dot Shoemaker comes in und looks around and softly says:
 Carl Dunder, belief you vhas an awful fighter. und you vhas in your grave before you gif oop, but I like to tell you something. Eafery day for ten years you must take some clam broth. Y yhas by der doctors orders, und it makes your stomach right. If you so m der army how yhas it? I vhas n der sherman army seven years, und oont see no clam broth. If you can't 'sRe some clans along init you it shas death in two weeks"
 Dot yhas so, und when I belief can't so 10 war I vhas almost crying about l goes 10 Capt. Rockefeller und ells him. und for two minutes he sNears at me like some pirates. Den as Feels better und says he shall haf ' lX It oop nit der sheneral He can't so 10 Cuba mitout me, und he vhill s,ie man to bring clans along. When ~ speaks like dot to me tears vhas
 ny eyes und take him by der hand und says:
 Capt Roedeeker, maybe I vhas .ss9ie particular, but it shall be all tssna In der end. l shall do sooch aw- ,s' ss nghting in Cuba dot nopody else snen l goes home I vhas a happy ra,. r@an und makes sooch noise dot der ssnce ss come along und vhas going to ~. m.sst me. I haf more ash six flags Rs Ra9 und l gif avhay a whole keg of st sSsr In one day more I shall enlist,
 sH oots cooper man comes in to see b;,- s. lie yhas good man und l like usHl, Yp 1o,,s4 < 4=.-.e ey,,. z. er,,e9
 Ms' ac and den he speaks tomes
 X saf Dunder you vhas going ayhay ha. a soldier und die for America, N. N don't like you 10 die too quick.
 ps you shall have a feather bed, sEsee1or und clans, but low Thas it ~ sssas beer? For 20 years you drink sa S'asses q day. Can a man be some
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
l!!!lIiSilSliIAIIII

LIEN dot war vhas going to broke El oadtIybas glad, und l goes home # md hangs oudt big flag und cheers for America, und tells my ..o1aans 1 shall be der first man to
 0a Cuba. By Sheorge, but l vhas
 rng tickled! It seems like l could
 'ssa'9 sa 9a spaniards und knock 'em all
 'ADs s;eces h der daytime vhas yell
 md cheering, und by night l vhas
 ,gs..n7ipg iDs dot l kill over 40 men init a
 sa.bar In two days more, but for
 " old wo1nans. I vhas in der war, s ees sneaks very softly to me und s's sparl Dunder, it vhas all right to be
 ostriot. but I like you to stop und .sinE F You vhas 40 years old. Eafery uiqht M since you vhas born you vhas ',ssnine on feather bed. How vhill 4 he if you vhas soldier?'
 Tell dot knocks me oudt. If don't ,.f my feather bed at night I can't .sen s und if l don't sleep I can't fight. baf to give up and stay home, und < makes me feel awfully bad. l don't |bslief I can go to war, when Capt. Roe 5seker comes in my place und says: T like you to go in my company, be-
 anse you ghas brave man und will sgbt to der last. You shall bring your ssatber bed along und sleep on him, md I hire man to carry two pillows md some bed quilts. Be ready init dot |bed in three days"
 Dot makes me slump for shoy. I like to kill one hoonered Spanish sol diers in one day. yhas hurrahing all day for Uncle Sam un sheorge Wash jueton und dot glorious flag, und shoot off more as five punches of fire crackers. Der old womans don't say word till night comes. und den she speaks to ne:
 aCarl Dunder. you yhas brafe man, und yor shall die like a hero. You carry your feather bed along. und he shall be 40 pounds, but how
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
oheaience to Authority.

Gen. Sehofeld, in his "Forty-Six Years in the Army" expresses the opin- ion that even in civil life something like the discipline of West Point would be highly beneficial. "The hardest les son. he writes, referring to his cadet life. T had to learn was to submit my will and opinions to those of an acci- dental superior in rank, who, l imag- ined, was my inferior in other things and it took me many years to learn It. Nothing is more absolutely indispensa- ble to a good soldier than perfect subordination and jealous service. What I needed n learn was not so much how to command as how to obey. My observation of others has also taught much the same lesson. loo carly independence, and exercise of au- thoritv, seem to beget some degree of disrespect for the authority of others -Youfh's Companion.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

~ A first began to pitch into the
 monthly gas-bills," said the
 gasman, as he was asked to tell his story, we have no statis- ties to show, but it was probably very soon after the first bills were sent out. No man has been more abused during the last hundred years than the gasman, and yet no man has been less deserving of it. The keenest and shrewdest citizen will let his grocer cheat him out of a pint of oil on every gallon of kerosene he buys, and he will not weigh his meat or sugar or bread to look for cheat, but no sooner has a gas-bill been rendered than he is ready to declare it an extortion. In my twen- ty-fve years behind the counter in a gas office 1 have listened to the kicks and complaints and threats of tens of thousands of consumers, and I am going to my grave with but one pleasant rec ollection. One day, after 193 citizens had come in and paid their bills under protest, and each one had intimated more or less strongly that was high way robber and deserved lynching, a little old man tiptoed in and paid his monthly bill of 90 cents and asked for my photograph. He said our gas was the best he ever burned. He said our meters were things of beauty. He thought the president of our company ought to be made governor of the state, and declared that any man who impugned my honor was his enemy. To discover such a man was an oasis in the desert of life, and was cheered and encouraged for two weeks. Then, alas! the discovery was made that his meter had been out of order for three or four weeks, and he had been running II burners night and day for less than the cost of one!
 You see" resumed the gasman as his eyes grew moist and his lip trem-
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

plumber s profits make me
 tired" said the plumber, as he
 wearily leaned against his desk and east his eyes on the ceiling. T was just going out to hunt up some body who'd lend me $50 for q week, and even if get it heaven only knows when I can pay it back. Money in the plumbing business? Why, man alive, look at the failures reported by the commercial agencies and you will see that three plumbers fail to one grocer or butcher. There cannot help but be failures-lots of 'em. A man goes into the business simply as pastime. The most he hopes for is to come out even at the end of the year, and, though few of them do, the rest hang on to use up the stock in the back room. There are shoemakers who ride in their carriages and run the politics of ward, but the plumber must go on foot and be a nobody. The public would have treated him right and given him a fair show but for the newspapers. They have held the plumber up as a robber and villain, and nothing he can do can change public opinion.
 "A water pipe bursts" continued the plumber as he drew diagram with his finger on his desk. "The plumber is sent for. It is only a pin-hole, but it must be inspected from all sides. The water must be shut off, the pipe scraped and solder used. A man puts
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

ND there you aie' s9
 SN there you are" said Kurnel
 n Bunker, as he wiped off his
 chin and smoothed down his legs in temporary satisfaction. 1es, sah, I am the man who stood by the wild hawg of ArSansaw when 1t was touch and go with him, and it has al ways been source of great satisfac- ton that I pulled him through and gave him his legal rights.
 Tt was in the winter of 1Sss-9, sah, continued the colonel. as he half-elosed his eyes and put his finger tips togeth- CT. For q hundred y'ars the razor back hawg of Arkansaw had been al lowed by custom to roam at will. The land was his He was in the swamps and on the highlands and he had only to look out for bars and niggers. The ideah that anybody would seek to le- pally eurtail the rights and privileges of the wild hawg would have been laughed at Arkansaw is sticller for custom sah--a stickler for custom and fifty different legislatures had come and gone and the hawg had not been referred to- But foe had risen up at last--a secret insidious foe. It was in the person of Majah Scarbones, elected to the senate, and he had planned as craftily as Spaniard. One day he sprung his trap. lie introduced bill limiting the peregrinations of the razor=back hawg to distance of two miles. Egad, sah, but think of thatl An Arkansaw hawg can't keep his legs timber unless he travels at least 20 miles day. To confine him to two miles, or even to seven or eight, would break his heart in q month. He hasn't got the wings of an eagle, but he's so full of patriotism that he can't be harnessed or harassed by legal tech nicalities."
 The kurnel paused, and looked around to see if the glass at his elbow had been refilled. It hadn't, and sigh escaped him as he went on:
 "When that bill was read by it's title the senate was in an uproar. A dozen
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
BY THE ICEMAN.

YTOU ask why l went into the SN " ice business? ?" said the ice
 man, as he leaned back and
 looked dreamily into vacancy. "It was from purely philanthropic mo- lives, of course. I started out in life as a lawyer. I soon discovered that 1 was making too much money, and that the profession encouraged the evil in human nature. began to look for something cold and calm and placid, and I found it in the ice busi- ness. But for the newspapers the ice man would live respected and die la mented. I do not know who started cut with the first icewagon and deliv- cred 20 pounds in place of 15, but he suffered for his liberality. The re- porter who was at his heels claimed a shortage instead of an oyerplus, and to this day it is impossible tos make a citizen believe that there is such a thing as an honest ieeman. The trouble is, he is too honest. There is no shrinkage in the butcher or the baker business, but ten per cent. of every ton of ice goes back to water. No man expects over 16 ounces for a pound of sugar, but every customer expects IS pounds Of ice for Is. In ten thousand different instances where I have given overweight and carried the ice in at that I have been villified and abused because I could not do more.
 q once heard of an iceman who made s1o.O00 in the business" said the vie- tim in a husky voice, "but of course public opinion drose him from his na- i've country and into m early grave.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

The average iceman simply figures
 on coming out even at the end of the season. He is always behind, but lie consoles himself with the reflection that he has aided to ameliorate the hardships of mankind. Take this sea- son with me, for instance. If the war had not raised the price of wagon grease I should have come out about 27 cents ahead of the game. As it is, shall be somewhat in debt. l have
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
Narve Enough.

An amusing tale is told by a country doctor in England. Heshad been Aes s tending for a considerable period a parson, and, according te custom now s fortunately becoming antl9ualea there, attending him gratis. " hen III III d,,e course the parson died. his widow wrote VT to inquire how much the doctor would allow her for the medlelhe o0'7 tleg.-Boston Budget
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
 Dixcri1nfnafinr.

Dc you mean to assert that yoi! never saw an honest horse race?' in quired the sportsman.
 Well" answered Mr. Corntossel st reckon the hoss was honest enough But l alters will hare my s'picion about the jockeys. Washington Star
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
rarnensi,-e eagItatlon.

Newed-A penny for your lnongh's' darling. l1 ast vol, more than that! .u,,;nn
 Newed- What were you 'hinAins about ,asrea weeferday.-Brook Life.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
Frugal.

Guest Cat anniversary dinner )--Yo .. belong to one branch of the hosts fam fly, I believe?
 Poor Relation-Yes, I belong t6 branch that never had any plum16 Chicago Tribune. s.. H5 &
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
BY THE PLUMBER.

1THIs newspaper talk about the Ss plumbers profits make me
 tired" said the plumber, as he La. 4 u.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06
BY THE GAsMAN.

fk 4 s TO when the newspapers S~ A first began to pitch into the
 monthly gas-bills," said the
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

4 ND there you are, sah- SN "A there you are" said Kurnel
 A Bunker, as he wiped off his
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-11-06

YTOU ask why I went into the SN V ice business?" said the ice
 man, as he leaned back and
 1oOlfad draaro;lv inf n vacancy
Eureka weekly sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1887-1902, 1898-07-30

The ten Indians from the Stewart Insti.
sute band departed from Carson for the
Carlyle school in Pennsylvania last Fri.
day. They will be taught for two years
before joining the Indian band for the
Paris Exposition.
The plan Of sending q band Of Indian
musicians to Paris Is to contradict the
idea of the general wildness Of the Ameri.
can Indians so prevalent in Europe, q mo-
ton which has been kept alive by the
Wild West exhibits Of Buffalo Bill.
There will be q band Of sixty Indian
musicians al the Paris Exposition, all
PLAYING the score from note and led by an
Indian leader.
They will play the best operatio music
Is well as the popular melodies. and their
expenses will be paid by the United States
Government. In fact the whole Indian
exhibit will be q Government proposition,
and the musical programme is only . part
Of the Governments educational exhibit.
The Inspector intended only to select
two Indians from the Stewart Institute
but found ten sufficiently proficient
Carson Appeal.