Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1898-01-13
THAT modest and obliying Tom

ShTIyeleC souls, would seemingly have
afforded an excuse for the graciousness
of the gods. rather than an opportunity
for the teasing tricks of chance. But
u was not so. Perhaps il was because
they put the wrong foot forward. Ger
1aiHIy there seemed at bottom very lit
tie 70 justify their ATTEMPTED elopement,
save that Toms twin brother. Tum, was
liable to come back from California al
any time and throw Susan into a con-
dition of vacillating INDIGESTION. For,
odd as ii may seem, VIXEN Tom and Tum
were at home together sweet Susan
seemed utterly unable TO decide which
she loved the best, whereas. if either
of the twins remained al distance, she
perceived clearly that she loved the one
that remained by her side far better
than the other.
So. Tum having been absent in the
far west for number Of months, Tom
and Susan wisely decided to be married
before Turns return, thus terminating
the condition Of uncertainty which had
prevailed for years
The parents Of boEh Tom and Susan
were delighted. but thought II a pity.
If not an actual cruelty, that the young
pair should insist upon having the we'd
ding over before Turns return. Mr.. and
Mrs. Simmons thought II would be
deliberate slight to have the happy
4vent occur before BE- should come.
From mild criticism the matter passed
At length into open resistance on the
part Of the parents
Il was then that Tom ans Susan de-
cided 10 elope.
The denouement proved both sensa-
tionaI and odd, for b. mistake sweet
Susan eIoped with a burglar instead Of
with Tom.
Some ten days before the evening
upon which the glad business of max
ing the eager pair one was formally set
for enactment, the young couple secret
" plotted that certain midnight hour
should witness their fight In pursu-
ance of the plan Tom was to come, with
cat-like craft and quiet, to the home of
his dear girl. when darkness should fold
him in its obscuring mantle, and hav-
ing reared conventional ladder to her
window, he would receive the trusting
creature in his arms, and together they
would go forth TO a distant and larger
=
when the night was waning. But Tom.
having gone to bed in order that his
parents might not think strange, IN
fortunately fell asleep and did not wake
until morning!
This extraordinary performance
seemed peculiarly funny to those who
ultimately came to know of il. but to
sweet Susan it proved anything but
amusing
Loving maid, no thought of going to
bed had she! but, steadfast and true,
she waited with tremulous heart
strings in the darkness of her room,
crouching hour after hour by the open
window, listening for the coming Of
her hero. Less than a mile below her
the great Mississippi flowed by in OBJ
security and silence, while the town
slept along the hillsides. buried deep
in darkness and mufaing fog that
rose from the bosom of the mighty
stream The only sound disturbing
the profound stiffness was the occa-
sional hoarse and unearthIy bIare of a
steamers whistle going farther and
farther down the unseen river. 1t was
a fitting night for ghosts, clippers and
burglars TO venture abroad
However, but two representatives Of
these nocturnal classes seemed awake
and eager for business; sweet Susan,
dressed and crouching by an upper
window of the Simmons mansion. and
Burglar Ben, talented young cracks
man from Chicago, who. taking ad-
vantage of the dark nights then pre-
vailing, was doing" the towns of the
Mississippi. To both of these persons
time went YEARLY enough. until a
great clock in a church on Rich Mans
hill beat generously the hour of two;
then sweet Susan gripped her handbag
with trembling fingers and felt her
heart mount in her throat with ex-
pectation, while Burglar Ben sailed
forth from an abandoned barn. and
presently came softly TO the Simmons
mansion. his heart also alive with ex-
pectation.
Finding the conventional ladder.
and dimly discerning an open window
in the second story, Burglar Ben was
not long in deciding on a plan of ac-
lion. Elevating the ladder 10 the win
dow he carefully assembled, and present
ed his head and shoulders before the
opening, when suddenly a pair of soft
arms were clasped about his neck. a
warm kiss was pressed upon his cheek,
and the words: Darling! my own
darlingl" were gurgled in his ear.
Burglar Ben was young man pos
sessed of exceptional nerve and pres
ence of mind. but he came near tum-
bling from the ladder with the shock
of this delicious greeting A wild yell
of CONSERVATION rose into his throat,
but he managed TO gulp it down. After
gasping. much like a drowning man.
for a few moments, he began whisper
ing the fondest words imaginable into
the ear so temptingly near his lips, fol-
lowing the endearing words with q
passionate squeeze of the vague form
before him.
"Ob, Tom, why did you eat onions,
just when we are TO elope and be mar
ried. tool" was the whispering protest
that met his caresses-
II eat them TO throw the old folks
of the scent" whispered Burglar Ben,
paTadoXically.
"Oh, you sweet thing! Why-why.
Tom. you have a mustachel l feel il
or-on my lip every time we've"
'sYes, l put on false one so as 10 dis
Euise myself if anyone would meet Us,
gurgled Ben
"Oh. myI how cute you must look!
Well, here is my handbag. my darling
We must hurrr! I am all a-tremble.