The Black Hills union. [volume] (Rapid City, Pennington County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1889-1904, 1898-12-02

written on various phases of matri-
mony. but a lady said to Inc the other
day. that I had so far neglected to treat
of, the most important matter which
conduced to matrimonial felicity.
This lady has had experience, for she
has been twice married-happily both
times, I believe-and is still quite young
enough to make a new venture in the
dangerous experiment of uniting two
personalities tremendously.
II used to think" she said, that
marriage was all the poets said it was
two souls with but a single thought,
two hearts hat peat as one, and all
that kind of thing. I suppose if young
men and young women did not hold TO
this pleasant theory that few of them
would rush into matrimony in the way
they do. So it is probably just as we'll
that they should think such things, for
even when they learn that minds and
souls and hearts are not single, there
is still a chance for them. Indeed, if
there were no chance there woul he
no happiness. for happiness that lasts
III HC IcdAlLdlAoil VI - NA1i-
lty of the married. and that happiness
is invariably founded on an unformu-
lated compromise.
Nature" the lear lady went on to
say, sis war, n war, as dear old Cen
eral Sherman says, is hell. But out Ct
that war, even though not a CUR be
fired, there can come lasting peace.
The peace, however, which lasts is not
the result Of conquest, but of Of com
promise-of a compromise by which
each party retires with the honors Of
war. Then they can, like the lovers
in the fairy tales, live happy ever after
ward"
This was no new idea to me, but the
lady spoke from the fulness of expert
ence, and 1 asked her to go On and elu-
cidate her theory. h consented to do
so, but not in an interview. The let
ter she promised to write has just been
received, and here are extracts from it:
"When I said that there never were
cases in which the ives of newly we'd
ded people blended perfectly from the
beginning, / meant to state a general
proposition forcibly, and not in the least
to deny that there were exceptions to
this rule, as to every other. There are
some few mortals in the world so
charmingly amiable that nothing ever
~disconcerts their serenity. Now, when
two such happen to maryland l have
known it to h~appen-there is every rea-
son why from beginning to end they
should get on without any warfare or
the need of compromise. Such cases,
however, are rare indeed; they are more
rare than the exceptionally amiable per-
ons themselves, for it sometimes hap
pens that one of these amiable men or
women is Joined to a scolding, shrew-
ish, or a disconnected partner. Even
then there is often more than the SEM
blance of happiness, for the amiable
member of the firm always gives way,
and the other member of the partner
ship, being in command, must needs be
as happy as bad temper will permit.
IT suspect, however, that both of
these are exceptional instances-excep-
tional because this charming amiability
ID very IdIc ljScl1. las d general (lll1lS
the men and the women who get mar
ried are much of a muchness,' and all
are burdened with as many faults as
they can carry and keep in decent CON-
cealment. Both of them in the days
of courtship manage this ~concealment
is a glamour. about that period of life
which prevents clarity of vision, and
then again both men and women, par
ticularly men, are better in the mating
season tina at any other time. The
very fact of the coming union makes
their aspirations higher and their ac-
tions purer. But precious few of them
are perfect with that perfection which
hides no flaw.
And so, when they get married and
see one another just as they are, with
company name put away and in the
easy familiarity of home undress, then
is the time that they need to adjust
themselves the n to the other-to
compromise their differences in tastes,
in habits and in temperament. That is
no easy matter, but the time quickly
comes for ninety and nine out of every
hundred who are married. Some never
effect the compromise, and of them we
hear anon in the divorce courts, or we
see the evidences Of unhappiness with
which they drag out their miserable
lives.
II do not pretend that all divorces
result from this lack of compromise in
the beginning. Not at all. Sometimes