The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1898-01-04


The Major Adopted Some New Year
Resolutions And Suggests That Ris
Political Friends Do Likewise--A New
oEiee.
B.-"Hellol Mr.. Editor.
R-"Hellol Major. Hope you en-
joyed the holidays"
B.-"Well, I sorter pulled through
without psssin' In my chips In fack,
/ reckon I enjoyed miself erbout eE
much 81 any dymakrat kin who hain't
got an Ch4 1t il nifty hard fer a full
blooded dymakrat ter see much fun in
anything il he haint in ofise. I've
never held an offs miself, an OWN
ter that fack life IL not very full ov
sunshine ter me. A guide many
folks kin hev q lot ov fun at sircus,
bat they awlways seem like cross be-
tWixt q prRyermeetin' an q funeral ter
me. But Notwithstanding the above an
other kalamities, I've enjoyed Christ
mas purity well. We are in purity guide
health DC our house, an we hev stump
thin ter eat. That il emf ter be thank
full fer. We've had turkey, chicken,
cake, pie, s~pareribs an backbones till
yea can't rest, an I've bin gettin' er
way with them. / kin purity nigh see
myself gittin' fat. I believe I kin eat
AZ much az the next a I motifs that
Governor Russell heE bin havin' oyster
rOasts at hi2 house. Iguess the Gov
ernor il fond oV the birds himself. I'd
like ter git up an eatin' match with
the Governor. If he'd see me eat oys
ters fer an hour or two he'd create a
new CHS an give it ter me regardless
eV politicks. He'd MAKE me oyster
eater fer the State at large. I reckon
the News an Disturber would heV sum
more fits then. But I started out ter
tell you that I have just adopted sum
New Year resolutions. In plain Ing
lish I've sworn of. Resolved FIRST
that I will not be a henpecked husband
durin' the year 1898, if I kin possibly
help myself. Resolved 2nd, that I viii
not be a candidate fer any offs durin'
his vear TT2less forced ter in self de-
Tense. Resolved 3rd, VII loVe'
serve an obey my wife just az l heV
bin doin' fer years. Now 1 want sum
ov my perlitical friends ter adopt sum
guide resolushuns. / want Kurnell DR..
KingsbuIy to swear off an not carry
any gatlin' guns in his hip pocket this
year. / want Kurnell Hale, of the
Fayetteville Observer, TO swear Of On
that song oV hiz erDout the democracy
havin' become az pure az the mornin'
dew drops at Chicago in 1895. I'd like
ter see Kurnen f. A. Olds swear that
he will write nothin' but new durln'
the year 1898 Kurnell Josephus Dan
iels orter swear that durin' 1898 he will
edit q newspaper an ring eff on gettin'
out at q heavy cost TO sumbody a daily
sheet ov abuse an vituperashun an
Misrepresentation ov decent folks an
things. A number ov other sheets
should follow suit. Kurnell Bob u
man orteF swear that the Post shall not
follow in the footsteps ov the lase I'm,
lamented Daily Tribune az a corpora
shun organ, unless it pu6lickly an
nounces that it intends ter do 90. An
last, hut not least, I want Kurnel A.
B. Andrew ter swear that he will not
take out a ninety nine year lease or
Judge Simonton durin' the year 1898,
six years before the present lease ex
pires. Awl this Il respectfully sub
mitted, an I hope several thousand
persons who are not named, but who
orter swear off, will do so without any
dely. WIshin' you a happy New Year
an a cool Ash ov July, I'll bid you
gudebye."