The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1898-04-08
FACTS.AND FANCIES.

FAAlS@AND~ FANClES. !
S~"~~-~~>~~~~o-r~>>~o~ o>~~~~.>~~~o.~>~~1
II feel it in all my bones that am
going to be an old maid" 'Not in your
wishbone," Life. s-.-;2+.r s.-..:..s.sss
$50 Jack went to the Klondike? How
is he getting along?''s2 Not very well,
He writes me that he owes three thou.
sand dellars for board" Truth,
Miss$Ima Hellpopper has just had he,
name changed i'll the Oklahoma courts to
Ina Helper. Are we to have also an eff.
fete West?-Louisville Courier-Journal.
'Besorra," said Bridget, us she opened
u bottle of champagne for the first time,
the fool that filed this quart bottle
must . put two quarts in 5sinstid av
Wall. ~, :, :
1t is reported that the women of Indian.
apolis have become so literary that when
they play Whist they always say Que
Nad!s 2. instead of whats trump:''-
New York Press.
Wilhe-'Do YOU suppose / will ever
have a great, why beard like ,yourse
Willie's father-''Mebhe, though ut pres
ent the wires, in your case, are down.
Indianapolis Journal.
Jill-"Did You see that bird of para
disc OH Mrs. Stiles hat ut the thea ter
hast night?' Jack-''rhat wasn't what
Workers Statesman.
pleted long solo at an afternoon con-
cert, Il little girls voice was heard say
ing. Mamma. has the gentleman quite
done zargling: Bits.
\ provincial poet has sent poem to
one of the papers entitled "Oh, Let Me
Die at Home" The editor has prom
ised to let him, provided he keeps away
from his ottice.-London Graphic.
Why He Looked.-Hojack-''W are
You consulting the dictionary? l thought
YOU knew how to spell" Tomlik-"l
do. am not looking for information.
but for confederation. "-Tit-Bits
The. jury were out several days, and
then failed to agree"
That shows the folly of masculine jul
rltS. A jury of women would have dis
agreed much sooner than that.'-Tit-
Bits.
Well, little hoy. what's your name!"
''Shadrach Nebuchaduezzar Yoots."
'Nho gave You that name?' II don't
know. But if find out when l gets
elder they'll be sorry for t.''-Buffalo
News.
Disproved-''rhey say if you fix your
gaze on the back of any persons neck
You can hypnotize them.'' mot so. The
other day tried it on Il tandem for an
hour. and the girl didn't work any hard
tr."-I.ife.
\ strange little girl has been found by
an arithmttical explorer in an uptown
school She can tell at any time the
days of IL month without repeating the
rhyme beginning Thirty days hath Sep
tember."-Ncw York Commercial Adver-
tSer. =,
Pine morning. your Worship" affab!y
remarked the man who had been arrested
the nj sht before for being drunk and dis
orderly. Yes. indeed" responded the
justice. quite il fine morning-in fact.
ttn-dollar fine morning Black and
White.
Very Affable Young Lady-''Yours is
rather Il quiet beat: isn't it. Otficer?''
foicemun-"1ou're right, miss: it is
] ayes is when some prettye young Teddy
arsks me to hescort her acrost the
road. Facts.
\ S"merville girl who went out to spend
the evening carried door key on a gold
chain hung around her neck. because she
hadn't any pockets. She explained to
her friends that it wasn't locket she
was wearing. but, an unlock-it. -,Somer-
vile Mass) Journal.
Said the minister to an elderly lady of
an lrrehs!o,ls disposition: Woman. dye
ny and gnashing of teeth" Yen no
fright ME Wi that. said the dame. 'I've
never anc left in my head to snash VII"
Household Words
The German Emperor. who brides him.
self upon his knowledge of contemporary
Engiish publications, has been reading
Mr.. LeGalliennes brochure, IF l Were
tod. A Paris paper says that the
Kaiser contemplates writing a sequel en-
titled IF l Were Not God
\ Michigan man recently sent the fol-
}oNing letter to the superintendent of
schools: Dear Sir. my boy Johnnie
runle home to-day with his head broke
open by a bigger boy wisht you would
look into it. Ny boy comes to school to
learn brains and not to have them
knocked OUT
I'D like to know" demanded the irate
ccmmutor, why YOU don't give better
service on this road? Here l am forty
minutes late this morning.
I'VE are giving better service" re-
tnrted the officer of the road. Last year
this train was always fifty minutes hate"
-Harper's Bazaar, 80. e.
One day an 1rishman was taking walk
in small town near Glasgow when he
met an old friend. After walking along
the road together Pats friend said to-
him: Have you heard the latest news ?'
NO; what is it?'' There's Il penny off
the loaf.'' 'Belad, and I hope it is off
the penny ones."-Tit-Bits
\ certain medical specialist was in the
habit OF: using a notebook to assist his
memory. In the course of time his aged
father died. The worthy doctor attend
cd the funeral as chief mourner with due
snlen,nity. At the close he was abserved
to draw out notebook and to cross out
the words, Men,: Bury father
Cycler-"By the way, Brown, what do
you know about IaW!'"
Brown lwho is prominent L. A. W.
notwithstanding whatever, never
claimed did know anything about it;
why do you ASK 3.
Cycler-"Oh! for no particular reason.
only thought you were Il great L. A. w.
man. ':-'. -.
Mrs. styles-..'You can't believe these
department store advertisements, that's a
fact.'
Mr.: style:-'I'm glad you've come to
that conclusion at last"
Mrs. Styles-"I read in the advertise
ment of one of them, Carriages free to
any part of the city" and when l asked
them to send me home in a coupe they
laughed at ME ''-Yonkers Statesman.
Miss Blanc-"Oh. Mr.. Powers, can't
you give us some subjects for our tab
leaux" Mr.. -Powers-"How would a
scene from the 'Courtship of Miles
Standish do. or something from Shake
spcare's-' Miss Blanc-"Yes, but that
Wcnid require costumes. We want some
thing without costumes Mr.. Powers
We'll: then. try the Birth of Venus or
the Temptation of Eve brooklyn
Life.
See here, Hobson You are the man
that sold me some apples the other day.
The first thing I. did when [ opened that
barrel was to:pick basketfui of rotten
and wormy apples from the top and
and throw them into the ash barrel"
rs that so, stranger. Wa-al, l guess
You made mistake. The rotten and
wormy apples was in the bottom of that
barrel, and you opened the wrong end
Truth.
A Prehistoric Oak Unearthed.
An extraordinary discovery, and one
which is just now exciting considerable
interest in antiquarian circles in Lanca-
shire and Cheshire. has been made at