davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
No Allowance,

"They say, Blokely, old man, that
your wife has IN Independent fortune?"
That's right. It's so confoundedly
Independent that 1 can't get any of it,"
Free Press.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Her Cooking Made a Hit.

COOklIIG Made a BIT.
where am l going? To the hospital.
There's a patient there in whom 1 am
Interested
"Friend of the family"
"No, entire stranger. He came to
the kitchen window last evening and
asked my wife for food. Without paus-
ing to think Of the consequences, she
tossed a couple Of her biscuits to the
fellow. One of them caught him un-
der the ear and knocked him s~enseless
and Pm in for a pretty bill Of ex-
penses.''-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
lNGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Jokc1ets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Boru-Sayings
and Doings that Are Odd. Curious and
Laughable-The Weeks Huinor.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Merely His Opinion.

Higgins-Does your wife play whist?
Adams-She thinks she does, but
when Gabriel blows his horn I'll bet
she'll awake with a start and ask him
what's trump.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
A Product

"Here, hold on there, boys! What
are you chasing that child fOr?'
He's a Spanish symperizer, that's
why"
Spanish s~ympathizer? What do
you meal by that?"
Ellis ma washes him wild CASTLE
soap-come on, kids"-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
DiDIomacY.

Tommy-Papa, what is that diploma
cy h papers talk so much about?
Papa-Diplomacy is the art which en-
ables one man to inform another that
he is a scoundrel without giving him a
chance to get mad about it,"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
True Metal.

Il say, Bridget. is your beau a gold
OF 4 silver man?' asked the head of the
house.
"Shure, he's neyther," answered the
cook, who was in love with a police
man.; 'he's what you call a copper
man, sur.'-Yonkers Statesman.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Oh. No.

did you notice how her fingers
taper:"
yes; but l hope that doesn't mean
that she is Observation-Disclosures
phia Bulletin.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
How They Get Their Names.

Alfred-Papa, do they use swapping
turtles for soup?
Papa-No, my son.
Alfred-Why do they call them snap
ping turtles?
Papa-Because they have a snap in
not being used for soup.-Harper's
Bazaar.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Money Would Do.

Servant-Well, what do you want?
Wandering musician-Ah, then pos
sibly you did not hear the music we
have not Is yet played before your
dOOr?oDetrOit Journal.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
West Virginia Petrolanm.

West Virginia Is now producing more
h~ish-grade petroleum than any other
State In the Union. /,
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26

Thompson must be a very able man
in his line"
"Oh, 1 don't know. He doesn't amount
to much"
In told that he draws a salary Of
$4,000 a year."
Eyes, but the chump never spends o
cent of it,"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
The Prize Ecouomist,

"Old Scadds, across the way, Is the
stingiest man on earth"
"How "a you prove 1t?'
"He lives on Cruel, simply to- avoid
wearing out the gold filling In his
teeth.'
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Proven,

Dreams always go by contraries."
Il believe it. l always said my wife
was a Observation-Disclosures North
American.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
HIS Figure of Speech.

Confdential Friend-HOw did the
Duke propose to you?
The Duchess-He asked me If l would
give him q life pass over papa's rail-
road lines.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Learned at Home.

Teacher-Which member of the class
can give a definition of the word pat
riotism?'"
Politicians Oldest Boy Kickin'
against everything the other party does
when it gets into office.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Popular to Some Purpose.

isn't it wonderful what q lot Of
friends Mrs. Burnham haS?"
cit is, indeed. 1 am told that she has
so many wedding presents it is neces-
sary to pay storage on some Of them,
aud this is only her third wedding, too"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Bad Sign.

Customer-Why do you think my doc
tor is green and incompetent?
Druggist-Because his prescriptions
are written so plainly that any fool can
read them.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
A Different Case.

whats the matter, old manT'
ooh, an old uncle of mine is coming
up from the country to visit me. He's
one of the greenest old guys in seven
States. 1 suppose he'll make me the
laughing stock Of everybody that
knows me-"
"It isn't your Uncle Henry who was
UP here last year, is it?"
yes"
"You didn't seem to be afraid that
he'd make a lau%ghing-stock of you
then"
Il know; but the old chump's gone
and lost all his money"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Can Win Without.

"Why is it that the plain girls are
always the mes who learn to cook and
make their own clothes?"
ooh, that's easily explained. The
pretty ones always know they don't
need to-"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
All on Wind,

"Tom Harmon. whatever became of
him?'
ooh, he's here yet. Build:n' up quite
a reputation OF wind"
"How's that?'
Hes invented three different bicycle
pumps, and now he's workil' on a flynn
machine"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
She Was Experienced.

Mrs. Yeast-Have you ever seen any,
thing in the moon which reminded you
Of a man?
Mrs. Crlmsonbeak-Oh, yes; when it
was full, l have.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
An Exception.

Limitation is the %sincerest fattsry."
"Not If it is worked of on you By
1O-year-old boy"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
In h Atelier.

D'Auber-What would you do If you
had q hundred dollars?
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Unconscious Cerebration.

there, how's this? In this article on
poets you speak of the .stepladder Of
fame.'"
81 wrote that one day when my wife
was cleaning house"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
The Connubia1 Course.

"Have you attended any Lenten lee
tures?"
"Only those my wife gives me every
night"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
A woman's Idea

Zones says he is entirely a self-made
man."
"Well, he must be put together with
awfully long stitches"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26

Not the Pictures, of Course.
"How Mabel Denning must love that
Frank Chandler"
"Why?"
81 heard her say that she attended the
art exhibition with him yesterday and
spent a more delightful afternoon
in her life."
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Not the Pictures. of

ManISt1cK-On, cOIne uOWn OUT Oh The
clouds. Let's be practical for once
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Beyand Help.

"Is Betty really in love with Billy"
"She is so infatuated that she doesn't
make a fuss when he sends her type
written letters"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
Proof.

Mother-Does he often break his
word?
Daughter-Of course; he shutters.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26

That Would Account for 1t.
at is claimed that thieves are almost
unknown in Norway"
"They must have the same police sys-
tenn there that we have in this coun-
try?"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1898-05-26
The Average View.

2-He nos now.-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

Liverpool and Antwerp. The ivory I'M
ported at Antwerp came from Congo
Free State. The number Of animals
killed To furnish this supply is estimated
60 have been $50
You Who are not in a trade union,
saws President Tobin, OF the Boot and
shoe workers Union. ARE enjoying
wages to-day that would be much lower
were il not for the fact that the trade
union bv hard and persistent work.
makes the work Of tearing down wages
rather Improbable for individual firms
on corporations. and even large associa-
lions of capital hesitate before going In
10 conflict with a well-disciplined trade
The Burnley self-Help Cotton Manu-
featuring society is cited IN Illustration
~ Inc M, W., working OF the cooperative system
i'm England The management OF this
conceyn is vested in a committee elected
bv the work people who number three
hundred and iSsenty, al contributing to
the capitsi and sharing pro rata in the
n r'-e Of their labor The trade Of this
single institution. in $50. aggregated
ssS 900 and the profits sio,coo, the share
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

and tin and sheet-iron workers" There
would be a great opening for machinery
remarked Delegate HawkesWQrtn
An English law adopted IN the year
1862 follows: All artificers ana labor
ers, being hired Tor wages by the DAY
or week shall betwiXt the midst OF the
months of March and September, be
and continue at their work al or before
five Of the clock in the morning. and
not depart until betwixt seven and eight
OF the clock az night Except It be az
the time for breakfast, dinner and drink
ing, the which times at most snail not
exceed above two hours and hair In
a day: that Is TO say. at every drinking
ono-half hour, for his dinner one hour,
and for his sleep. when he IS allowed 20
sleep. the which Is from the midst OF
May till the midst OF August, half an
hour at the most, and AT every brock
fast one-haif hour. And the SAID afi-
ficers and laoOrcrs, between the midst
OF September and the midst of March.
shall be and continue at their work trora
the spring OF the day IN the morning
until the night Of the same day. cXcebt
it bs ia the time before appointed for
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

airy laborors 81 cents; masons. a cents;
carpenters. 8 cents. gashueIs, 3 cents
painters 20 cents.
The New York Central Labor Union
has appointed a committee 10 welcome
tie delegates from tine British Trades
Congress who are coming TO attend the
annual convention of the American Fed
GRAFTON of Labor. TO De held la Kansas
CITY on December 18TH.
The motive power Steam Of Europe
amounted I'M 1897 20 3.i2i.19i horse power,
equal TO the energy OF more than S.
GlO 900 men, The estimated steam motive
power OF the United States is 2623s-O
horse power, or more than .Wo thirds
that Of an Europe.
Massachusetts, mental healers Chris
tisn Science physicians and others Of
their ilk are Just al present deeply IN
terosted ln the threatened passage of a
law through the State legislature 10
prohibit the practice Of any physicians
save those having medical diplomas.
Europe consumed in 1891 from Africa.
British India and Ceyion ll63 600
pounds of ivory Practically all Of this
passed through the markets Of London,
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

capital being nearly 10000
According 10 the British Board OF
Trade returns for the year 1881, the con-
ditions of labor in the tight little island
are showing unmistakaole signs OF I'M
u-ovement During the year FAMED.
5c070I w0rkingmon had an increase Of
wages. the increase aggregating about
sos O0O Reduction ia the hours a. Ia
Dor affected 65.512 men. the net reduc-
ton amounting 60 &iGl5 hours On
the opposite side Of the ledger We find
some l30J persons suffered a reduction
in their pay. and about 100 had the
working day heightened.
At last Sundays meeting Of the New
York Central Labor Union Delegate
Brown. OF Cigarmakers' Union lH said;
"There are 5000 cigarmakers IN the
PHILIPPINES. and II we annex the Islands
those men. who work for next to moth
ing. would come into competition with
American cigarmakers." You cigar
makers are not the only pebbles on the
beach" said Delegate Geo. II. Warner.
1T Is trle that the cigarmakers might
be wiped out. but other unions might ne
benefited, as. for instance. the machinists
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

Messenger G. l.. Hudson. one OF inc
Western Union ooys who lives al No.
rs north 25ta street. while about his
work Friday morning picked up a
pocket-book on Main street just In 'front.'
Of tho store OF Harris. Flippen & GO.
The book contained SIS IN money. and
two cheeks for $50 each and oEe FOR
81,
The boy tried 10 lind who lost tho
vaiuables, but was unfortunate until tina
newsboys came on the streets with tina
afternoon paper.
He got copy. and found an 'ad'' de-
scribing the book and IT'S contents. This
morning young Hudson took his ind ia
It's owner DR. r L. Matthews. who ra-
warded him with = $40 Dill.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

New York architectural iron workers
exact double pay for work on election
day.
The annual tonnage Of all the rail-
roads IN Russia does not equai that car
ricd on railways entering ChicaFo.
In 1897 the United states bought from
China 5iJ5G.525 pounds of tea, az cost
of SW7s21. or a fraction over II cents
per pound
Tho next biennial session OF the To-
bacco Workers National Union VIII he
hcld at Wheeling Nine women were DEL
egates at The recent convention.
President Sabine OF the United Car
meat Workers of America. was elected
a member Of the New York Legislature.
A former business agent of the Brickiay-
crs' Union was reelected.
Brewer. sent sos 90 oshkosh wood
workers AND "a Chicago scaman's Union
donated s5 TO e W. CLARK the Jener-
son Borden sailor who is serving a HE
sentence m Thomaston. Me, prison for
mutiny.
on August lst Of this year the average
wages pc fnv 81 WORKING men ma ~
tisans in Chill were as follows: oIdin-
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

breakfast and dinner. upon pain 10 .orfeis
ana lose one penny for every hour, ab-
sence to be deducted and delanlkei out
Of his wages that should SO Offend
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20
A Great Shoe Sale.

Beginning tomorrow we will place on s.
pairs Shoes for ladies. Every one warrant
be sold at about half price.
Ladies' Genuine Wei and Chrome Kid Button and
Lace Shoes-a made in the latest shapesnot one pair
worth less than $3.50 and up to 81. Sale price.....
276 pair of Ladies' Button and Lace Shoes, sample
worth Sis and SI.25......
Special sale of Misses and Boys School Shoes.
These shoes cannot be duplicated anywhere tor less
than $3.50. Special price
Special sale of John Kelleys and Carlsles s. and
s. SO Button and Lace Shoes-a the newest shapes.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20
A Sale of
Mems Furnishings

that will set the men talking as
the ladies talk of our wonder
fully low priced selling.
90 dozen Mems Fine Imported Tan
ana Black Socks. double heel and toes
warranted fast colors. perfectly scam
less would cost us more -
wholesale the price is........ -
Mems Natural wool Socks. extra
weight aIl sizes. &c., value. I1iC
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20
Hosiery.

Ladies' Fancy polk7-D1t plalds,
Stripes Ankles and plain black , rC
Isle, per pair for.........-.....- - -
Ladies' see. Fancy Scotch Plaid Hose
an bright and pretty design 1=c
per pair for................. - -
Ladies' Seamless Fast Black Hose.
plain or drrop-suteh. would be IOC
Fast Black 25c. lx1 Ribbed Hose. for
children. double knee, lecl and fzC
toe per pllI..................... -
Children's Seamless Black. Ribbed
Hose double knee. heels and E11C
Toes per pair lVc aud......... ~
Infants White. Black and Red ALI
Woo Hose silk heels and toes 1-r
per pdlr.-..... ....-..+t+.......... -
Chldrcns Black Jersey or Leather
Knee Protection AN sizes, per orc
palr...... ......... ..---.....--.... -
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20
Ladies NeCkWear.

Ladies' Velvet Stock Collars, In
black and navy blue. with white six
dots. also cOl0red satin tuckeI ,-c
collars, worth 50c., choice. 20
Ladies' Black Velvet Stock. with
black liberty silk bows. just the thing
for tailOr-made suits, worth zoe. coc
at..........-...-.... -. s'.'...t'
Back b Sagn Six Sucks |l'h BOWS 25C
Ladies Black Net Pompadour, ruche
trimmed. with black satin rib SoC
bon, worth SLJ.................,. OI~
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

ciasp PiQue Ria
Gloves Brown. Tan
UI Rcd an sizes,
per rtlr-
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20
HandkerChiefs.

This weeks Handkerchief
happenings will hardly be cred
tied as truthful by you until you
see them. Dealers in handker-
chiefs are invited to come and
buy as many as they like to help
sell out this 5000 lot.
one lot OF Ladies' Iianfscrchiofs.
comprising pure linen Initials. hand
embroidered footing and lace .,Ic
trimmed, worth l9c............ '&eC
5c. Ladies' Pure Linen Handker-
chiefs drawn thread initials ana
sheer null, worth lOc. at........... D.
Ladies' Pure Linen Hand Embroidcr-
Ell also drawn thread. worth up
10 iJc., choice Of this iOt....... 81
Real Sheer Swiss Embroidered
iiandkorchiefs, worth y lee. 80
piece or..'.............,...., 100. ~
300 colored Bordered Sc Hand nv
kerchlels, edch.......... 90. ....... H.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20

take an interest III this sale.
Real Leather Combinations I'm Seal.
Monkey Skin and Horn Alligator with
at. ''. ..........'. .'..'........ soc
Tan Alligator and LaVant CSC
Combinations. ................-..
Rea, Seal Lizard and Monkey Skin
Combinations. calf lined with and
without sterling corners SL15
dl....-.-.. ..--+.+-. ...s......t. -
Mems Real Calf strap Books. roc
leather lned.,........ amman. OH~
Mems Large Bill Books. 6, 90
Z3c. Tom. ..+...............,. ~O'"
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-11-20
Infants Wear.

Infants Wear.
Infants $50 Crotched Hoods Tor
2Jc.. SILK Embroidered Caps. al s6e
COl0red BcngaliDe SIX Cans at f1o
CrOtched Sacques. DC: Bottles. ne
All-WO0l Bands, FOR 2jc.. Infants 81
Wrappers az Doc MerlnO Vest lor 20
Long Cream Cashmc re ClOdks. am-
Droldered Skirt worth $40. for 43c
CHI dren's Leggins Drawers. al p.
Leggins, al DC; Infants Shoes I'm
tan and black. 25c
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1898-02-18

Tossing to be perfectly satisfied with the
date. They will make their next fight
in June for the control OF the conven.
ton.
The spectacular portion OF the pro.
grammc occurred in the evening, con-
sisting Of the mass meeting at the ex-
position and the banquet at Harmonic
hall. The mass meeting was we'll at.
tended The speaking did not begin
till about 1:3O, and was limited to the
three disting guished visitors from
abroad. senator Dubois spoke briefly
from the standpoint Of Silver Ropub-
lican devoted to principle, not party.
Senator Butler made the principal
address of the evening. lie produced a
recent article by w. j. Bryan, setting
forth nlne points on which the reform
forces could unite, and SAID that for his
part Cne Of them was sufficient, the
determination of trusts. Congress had
power to regulate commerce, which
carried with 1t power to control the III.
struments OF commerce. Inese h
classified as money, transportation ana
| the transmission of intelligence. These
were ali III the hands Of private greed.
| Should they pass into government con
| troll trusts would not live 50 days. Gen
! eral Weaver and Major Bowler alsc
/ made brief addresses.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1898-02-18
.JEFFERSON'S BIRTHDAY.
Nat onal Assoc citation OF democratic Club.
VIII Celebrate at Washington.

Nat .Onal ASSOCIATION Oh y tuDs
VIII Celebrate AT Warrington.
LONDON, Feb lS.-Thomas Jefferson 3
birthday anniversary will be celebrated
on April - by the National Association
of Democratic clubs, with a subscrlp-
ton dinner in this city, which III nearly
every respect Will be a repetition OF the
famous dinner here in 1891. AS was
the case last year, Mr.. Bryan will be
the principal speaker this year. He has
already accepted the invitation Of Pres
ident Cnauncey +. Black. The National
Association Of Democratic clubs Is now
being thoroughly organized and will no
doub, play an important part in the
coming congressional campaign, and
the coming Jetfer>onlan celebration
will likely be a reflection of the sentl.
ments dominating all the officers of thI.
great Democratic organization. 1t !:
fully anticipated by Secretary Law
renee Gardiner. who ha all the arrange
ments for the celebration III charge
| tina, every state in the Union vii. b.
represented at the dinner.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1898-02-18
THE MAINE.

fae % some interior cause. and not the
esai' OF the explosion OF torpedo on
Pae outside.
4he men talk moro freely than tho
'eeFs' however. aud they. including
fae petty officers Of the Maine. are nj.
|os' unanimous in insisting that the
fAp'osion was caused by . large tor
Fao planted before the Maine arrived
P; Havana.
iearS are expressed here that the
"'etN VIII not be able to throw light
oe cause Of the disaster, since the
of"aFd part of tho Maine is practically
T. atoms. Why tho main magazine
! men was filled with high explosives
Ila easily affected by conclusion. did
0' 20 up is another mystery and q
mercy as we'll. since. had the after
'saz'ne exolodcd. no one OH boarC
'a'o have escaped death.
~ this dispatch is sent, no news o
kIIp'f'ance has boon received from
"'"ih, or from tho fleet.