The herald., 1898-11-05
: 0Ooeeeeeeooeoeeeoeeeool .
; Mr.. DOOLEy ON THE
; FRENCH CHARACTER
; . .

9Th Fr-rinch," said Mr.. Dooley, "ar-re
tumuchuse people"
Like as not" said Mr.. Hennessey
there's some iv our blood i'll thim A .goot
nanny iv our people wint over wanst. They
cudden't alive been kilt at Fontenoy."
No" said Mr.. Dooley, It's another kline
iv tumulchuse. Whin an Irishman RACES
It's. with wan idee in his mind; He's goin
for,ard agin single inimy, an not stone
walls or irne chains'll stop him. lie may
pause FIR dhrink or to take shy at
polisman-f'r polisman's always In tn way
but he's as thrue as tn needle IN IN
camefs eye, as Hogan says, to tn obJec ~
his hathred. So he's been f'r four hundred
years, an so he'll always be while they, Sc an
England on tn map. Whin England pur
rishes tn Irish III die iv what Hogan calls
angwee, which is havin' no wan in the weary
wurruld We don't love.
But with tn Fr-rinch, It's diff rent.
say It's ditf'rent with tn Fr-rinch;;, They re
an onaisy an thrubbled people. They start
out down tn street, loaded up with OBJ
scenthe an cigareets, pawn blocks an walk
in sthicks an stove lids in their hands, cry
in: A base Cap. Dhryfuss, the cap bein far
off in cage, by dad. So far SO good. "A base
Cap Dhryfuss, says |, an the same 70 all
thraitors, an NANNY iv them, whether they
ARE or not. But along comes a man win
poor hat. Where did he get tn hat! de,
| mands tn mob Down with tn bad tile,
they say A base TIL lid An they de
strohy tn hat an tn man undher 1t sue,
cumbs to tn rule iv tn majority an Jines tn
mob. On they go till they come to a restau
rant Hal SAYS they, tn resort of tn in,
famous Ducose.' His char-rges ar-re high,
says wan. L found a fshbone in his soup,
says anoher. He's thraltor, says third;
a base tn soup kitchen. a base tn cate,
says they, an they seize tn unfortunate l)!i-
close an bate him an upset his Kettles ~
broth. Mainline where Cap. Dhrylusss
| Off in his comfortable cage, swlngln on tn
perch an attn seed out iv small bottle
stuck in tn wire. Be tn time tn mob has
destroyed what they seen on tn way
they've forgot tn Cap intirely, an he's safe
f'r another day. -,
"'Tis unforch nit, but tits thrue. Tn
Fr-rinch ar-re not steady ayether in their
ipoltics or their morals. That's where they
get done be tn hated British. Tn diff renee
in furrin policies is the diif'rence between Il
second rate safe blower an a tirst-elass
boonco steerer. III Fr-rinch buy ton iv
dinnynite, spind five years in dhrillin a
| hole through steel dure, blow open tn safe,
lose leg or an arm, an get away with tn
| li'bilities v tn firm. TIL English dhress up
| fr a Methodist preacher, stick piece "
lead pipe in tn tails " their coat in case
| iv emergency, an get all tn money there is
| in tn line.
In tn front dure comes th' Epglishman,
with coon king on ayether arm that Z
jus loaned him their kingdom on prom $
sorry note an discovers Til Fr-rinchman
emargin' frim iii rooms iv tn safe. What
ARE we dom here| says the Englshman.
Robin tn naygurs.' says TIL Fr-rinchman,
man, says til Englishman. What ARE ye
doin here!' says the Fr-rinchmGn. 'Improv-
in tn morals iv tn inhabitants says tn
Englishman. Is it not so. Rastus. he
says. 1T is says wan " tn kings; I'm a
poorer but a betther man since ye came,
he say. Yes says tn Englishman. I pro
pose f'r to thruly rayform this unhappy
counthry,' he says. This benighted hay
then ON me exthreme left has been iniooced
he says, AN go through life torminted be
bein' tuag wi etaoin shrdlu cmfwyp fwyp
on'y wan spouse, he says. 'Th' r-rest will
20 to wurruk FIR me- he says. All crap
games, bein' particular ongodly, II he un-
dher TIL con-throi iv tn goveInmint,
which, he says, is me. Policy shops'll be
r-rnn carefully, an I've appinted Rastus
here writer-in- waitin' to her majesty, he
says. 'Th' r-rum they dhrink III these
shall we do to stop tn ac-cursed thraffc
Sell them gin, says l. lis shameful they
shud 90 out with nawthin' to hide their
nakedness, he says III fetch thin clothes,
but he says, as th' weather's too warrum
f'r clothes, I'll not sell thin anything
thatll last long he says. Iii it wasn't f'r
religion, he says, L don't know what tn
ell tn, wurruld wud come to- he says.
My RELIGION says tn Englishman. These
My RELIGION says tn Englshman. "These
pore, benighted savidges,' he says II not
be lett to ye-er odjious morals and ye-er
hootchy- y-kootchy school iv thought he SAYS.
but he says, 'undher tn binif-cint r-rule
" a wise an'thrue governmint,' he says,
II be thurly prepared f'r Hivin,' he says,
'whin their time comes to co. he SAYS,
which | thrust will not be long he says.
So I'll thank We to be off, he says, or III
take the thick ind iv tn slungshot to ye,' he
says.
TIL Fr-rinchman is a br-rave man, an
he'd stay an have it out on tn flure, but
some wan calls: "A base TIL Chinnyman,' an
off he goes on another thrack. All whin he
gets to tn Chinnymen he finds tn English
We abased thin already. An so he dances
fr'm wan parrt iv tn wurruld to another
like nriochous an happy flea, an divvle tn
bit " progress he makes, on'y thrubble fr
others an a merry life f'r himsif"
III England wint to war with France"
said Mr.. Hennessy suddenly, "Pd be f'r
France"
so We wud, Hinnissy; so ye wud," said
Mr.. Dooley. can I'm not sayin' that
wudden't f'rget that I'm an Anglo-Saxon
long enough to take wan crack at tn Prince
iv Wales with a couplin' pin mesilf. Copy
right, 1898, Chicago journal.