Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-12-28


is precisely because there is so much OF
the caudal appendage of the dog in the
composition of woman that 1t IS just as
impossible for her to remain quiet for any
length of time as it is to keep dogs
tail from wagging.
Little girl visitor has been annoying
elderly spnster until the latter lost pa
tience.
Il wish you would go home she said,
sharply; I'm tired of you"
Small Visitor-'I wish you'd get mar
red. I'm tired of you."
Family ableau!-Truth.
Mark Twain, in his account of the Ger
man language, tells how 1.-The intelligent
German plunges into a sea of verblage
and comes UP on the other side, like n
dog, with his verb in his mouth The
same idea is illustrated in a story, told III
the Century, of a lady who once listened.
through the aid of an Interpreter, to a
speech made by Bismarck. All went we'll
for a time, as the low voice of the pains
taking translator rendered with some ade-
quacy the thought of Bismarck. Then
there were short pauSes, followed by rap
id little summaries of what had been said.
As these grew more and more frequent,
the lady became irritated. Finally there
was an entire cessation on the part of the
interpreter, and yet Bismarck was going
right on with eyer-increasing yehemence.
There were constant calls from the lady
of whats he saying? What's he say
ingE" and an increase Of Impotence pro-
portionate to the growing violence of the
speaker Finally the wretched interpreter
could endure the strain no longer, and,
turning with a gesture of fierce resent
ment to his excited employer, he Kissed:
Madam, [ am waiting for the verh!'
-:O:-
eve are crushed" they moaned, ''un-
der the iron heel of the INVADER
Yet at that very moment the victori
Gus captain, in his guarded tent, was be-
ing kept awake with chilblains.
All, how easy is it not for persons re-
lated as cOnquerOr and conquered to mis-
understand each other.-Detroit Journal.
The Marquis of Englesey, who died re-
Gently, was one Of the last of the great
race of English yiveurs. But in the
course of time he retired within his an
cestral fastness at Plas Newydd. There.
one day, Il fire occurred. Thereupon, he
ordered that quantity of hand-grenades
be sent down from London. When they
arrived the butler was instructed to string
them over the house. But though the
house Is large, such was the quantity or
dered that after the stringing dozen re-
manned. What shall | do with them?''
the butler asked. Perplexed, the marquis
pOndered. AS he pOndered. suddenly one
after another there surged before him
lne unhalloWed episodes of anterior years
Sadly yet advisedly he answered: "You
may put them in my cofiin.''
-:O:-
The editor of the Bath (Ie.) Independ-
ent thinks that the millennium is not far
OH. returning from a cunning excur-
sion, he found at his office load of hay.
n1teen bushels Of potatoes, load of
wood and barrel of turnips that had
been brought in by delinGuents, and one
man wiped out i debt of ten years stand
ing.
The other day married couple were
waking down one of the main thorough
Iares OF a north country town, and the
husband noting the attention other vom
en- oDtalned from passersby, remarked to
his better half: Folk niyyer look at
thee: wish I'd married someone better
looking"
The woman tartly replied: Its thy
iaut. Dusta think a man'I stare at me
behind, and thah'll see whether folk
don't look at me-
He hung back about a dozen Yards.
and for the length of a street was sur,
prlsed to see every man his wife passed
stare hard at her, and turn round and
q.
''Sal, Iassr' he exclaimed. Il was
Wrang, an | TAX it back I nivver saw
owt about thy face again -
dis willy spouse had accomplished the
trick by putting out her tongue at every
man she met.-Cassell's Journal.
Good morning, Uncle Jasper. You
are to be congratulated. [ am told that
your son was with the regulars in the
late Spanish war, and fought nobly.'
Oats de trufe, sab, an hit mex de OF
man mighty proud
AS well it may; but was your son
Wounded?"
Not 'zactly wounded, sah but he got
a clip on de head wild one O. desc tweP
for a week or so arter dat."-Richmond
Dispatch.
The distinction between the parish rec
tor and the curate in the old days is IL
Illustrated by a story that is related of an
old rector.
Returning to his parish after his au-
tumn holiday, and noticing a woman
standing at cottage door with a baby in
her arms, he stopped to ask: HAS that
child been baptised?'
''Well, sir replied the curtseying
mother, Il shouldn't like to say as much
as that. but your young man came and
did what he could. Scottish Leader.
-:O:-
A prominent English landlord was one
day riding across common ada cent to
his preserves when he overlook one of his
tenants. who was also mounted After
the usual salutations they rode on in ST.
nece for some minutes, when the tenant
slightly spurred his horse, balky animal,
whereupon it dropped to its knees.
What is the matter with your horse?'
asked his lordship. The embarrassed ten