New-York tribune., 1898-12-25
CHILDREN'S FRIENDSHIPS.
"GROWN-UPS" WHO WOULD WIN
TO INTIMACY.
From The Spectator.

From The Spectator.
We need not consult the biography OF tn,
author Of Alice in Wonderland for evidence
that he understood the way to win the affections
OF nttle girls like Alice herself. He began, as W,
read, by being serious and polite his manner
rs all who knew him will remember was com
posed, even to a certain primness of demeanor
and the humor which lay under the surface wa
reserved res 1or the hours OF matured confidence
and never exhibited as a means of attraction II
the early stages Of acquaintance. Grown ups
ahc especially men, are at great disadvantag e
In winning The affections OF children for the lat
Ter are critical over wide range. and only ap
preciatiNc over narrow one. wherefore thos
VINO seek their regard, and ultimately their af
leclOn. nave ten chances of making blunde
which Will be remembered against one Of Scor
Inc success OF the positive kind The creates
mistake of all. perhaps. is to try to be amusing
An error in all cases where the speaker has no
got the social measure Of his company ii is no
where more coldly received than by children
who have in perfection the art OF being severel,
hteral when they disapprove Of Joke. in
tensely sensitive to being laughed at. easily in
terpret what they only half understand, al
chat. and only like people because they arr
nice" and never because they are clever.
They are. as rule. shy Of accepting services
partly because they do not like it to be though
that they cannot do things for themselves anC
are vastly careful. if they do that it shall not b.
looked upon as involving a claim on their re
gard When they discover for themselves tina
a grown-u up person is not only friendly but use
ful foundations for solid affection are often laid
But the benefits conferred must come imperson
ally. And those who can carry this atmosphere
OIL goodwill and services as part Of themselves
and inseparable the shadow under a tree fine
that children unconsciously gather to them
Then. If they pass in the final examination
which the closer relations render possible the,
may be rewarded by warm and even adoring
devotion, which lasts sometimes beyond tn,
time when stream and river meet
Though it often passes away after childhood
the affection Of children for their elders outside
their family circle has an advantage over tina
between maturer friends. Once won. it is easily
kept Little hearts, once unlocked. are evel
open to the magic key, and eager to see and Il
add spontaneously fresh merits to those who
have engaged their love. They perfectly
true. and distance does not diminish affection
surprise and JOY will almost overwhelm then
when the object of this uncOvenanted affection
reappears suddenly after absence The signs
and tokens of emotion perfectly spOnta
neous. and often most prettily expressed and tn,
chances are in favor OF this deep affection hav
ing for its object some grown-up friend. and no
a child. It's my beloved Uncle Toni exclaimed
one little girl. her face quite flushed with emo
ton. as the happy object Of this attachmen
(who will never fifty AGAIN. suddenly pre-
sents himself to an adoring little niece
THE POWER OF THE STORY-TELLER.
Women have an advantage over the other Sc,
In the general competition for the liking of chill
dren They gentler they are more attrac
lively dressed and children are particularly
sensitive to color and texture in dress. hatins
things harsh to touch and women muci
easier TO make companions of-at the start-ant
do not seem to be doing it "on purpose Later
men friends have perhaps equal chances; fo
they are acknowledged to be almost the bes
chdrens story-tellers. and this is might,
power. potent over their minds and affections
For the really gifted chid'S story teller master
OF his art will provide all the material for the
fancy to play with daily and improve upon. HI
will create whole world. not necessarily large
world, but one which will satisfy all thei
powers Of imagination. people it with other chill
dren. and animals. who do as he wishes think a!
he desires and are identified by his hearer:
with themselves and himself In a way which
must create the closest bonds Of mutual inter
ests and responsibilities. These are not leetinf
Impressions. Greater Gn their wOrld) than those
who make the songs of a nation are those wht
provide the stories for their children friends
For these stories, once made, are never forgot
ten. They are repeated. by request as often a.
the maker Will provide them; the character.
may develop. but must remain the same, fol
good or bad; and the best beloved children, ami
mails or others in these epics of the nursery
may be as edifyng and didactic as the telle
likes TO make them. II their united example
tends to incline his hearers to regard the author
as a person deserving of their affection. wnf
can blame his artful rhetoric? Its object is L
please. and by pleasing to gain its reward. tn
liking of the listeners
The love Of children by elders who arr
neither parents nor close relations is a specia
compliment. because they cannot compete witt
children in that physical beauty which has 81
great attraction for other children. This II
the direct and spontaneous motive which In
duces love. almost at first sight. between yount
children themselves. Yet. except in the case o
young and lovely women, we can hardly believe
that children see much beauty in their female
elders or in men at all The point of view from
which they US is against this suppOSitlon
Those who are blessed with good LOOKS are to'
tall In comparison with them, ever to be seei
to advantage To be looking up at giants. see
Ing their features foreshortened from below th'
least becoming of all points for the human face
cannot give them pleasing impression. Neither
do we see the beauty of children to the best ad
xantacc as we look down their faces fore