The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-10-12

off all the Protestants between this and
Dublin" An old peasant woman who spoke
little English was examined by her priest
who told me the story-ae to her knowl-
edge of the doctrines of the Catholic
Church. She was asked among other
questions to repeat the names of the Trim
ity. Father, Son." she replied, and then,
after a pause added, FAX, yer river
ence / forgit the name Of the other gen
tleman" A friend of mine found two
countrymen In the dust Of the highway.
The uppermost was humping the lower
most. My friend said, Let him get up
IT'S a cowardly thing to hit a fellow when
he's down" The victor painted: Yer hon
nerd nIver be after askin me TO let him
up av ye knew the thrubbe ! had to down
him" The Governor of a prison In Lime
rick told me an amusing story OF a re-
fractory prisoner with whom he had once
to deal The man refused TO work on the
traedmill, and was brought before the Gov
ernor for dsobedience of the warders or
ders The governor asked him what OBJ
lection he had to working on the tread
mill. "Me go on the threadmill," he cried.
"Nivir sorr" and proudly drawing him
self up he added. I'D rather lave the jail
flrst."
The boy being father to the man, the
same quality of unconscious humor Is TO
be found among the youth of Ireland. A
class Of schoolboys in the doctrines OF the
church preparatory to the administration
Of confirmation. "What is cursingY' he
asked one youth. wishing III to a neigh
Dor" came the stereotyped reply. can
any boy give me better dehnitionF sald
the bishop. eco TO the divil, me lord,
cried a bright little boy at the end OF the
class. A youth In another confirmation
class was asked the meaning of clear
conscience" cit names a clane inside.
was the reply. A school inspector told me
that while examining class of small boys
in geography in a national school in re-
mote part of Ireland, he put the question,
what Is a lake?" Sure It's a hole In a
kittle. sur" said one of the youths. it
was the only Take" with which he was
acquainted little boy was caught py
an irate farmer up in one OF MS apple
trees Come down this instant, roared
the farmer, land III give you sound box
in the ear, you blguard." '"froth, sur
wouldn't come down If you'd give me
Dozen" was the reply.
Irish domestics are widely noted for their
simplicity and their quaint remarks A
lady desiring to make the most OF ner
choice tap OF table beer, the merits of
which her servants had discovered for IL
disappeared rapidly, thus addressed her
Irish butler DAILY, what do you think
would be the best thing to do in order
RDff'a'i~@
"Well, ma am" replied the butler, II don't
think you could do better than to place a
barrel OF good strong ale close by the
side of it," An Irish girl called at a
house in London in answer to an adver-
tisement for a general servant. Have
you a character?" asked the mistress. In
deed maam, I'm sorry to say I've no
character. / had a beautiful wan whin
left Ireland, but / iosht it the night I
crossed over to Hoyhead In the steamer"
was the laconic reply. An Irish man
servant was discovered In a lie. on be-
ing accused by his master of stating what
was not the truth he excused himself by
saying; please, sur, l lost my priscene
of mind"
An Irish dspensary doctor told me of an
old woman who being dissatisfied with
another local practitioner. transferred her
care of all her bodily ailments TO him.
80 you prefer my medicines to those of
DIR. Delaney" he said to her once. "Och,
indeed, doctor. dear" she replied. "ye're
dale betther than that other ould hum
bug and imposther." drunken man was
staggering home with a sober friend
Come on, Pat" said the latter; 'come
on: the road IS long" 81 know it's long"
said Pat. as he lurched from side TO side,
but it's not the hngth Of it. but the
breadth of IL that's KILN me-" beg
garman called on az shopkeeper in Tralee,
starving at home asked for a copper.
The storekeeper, suspecting that the man
wanted the money for drink, exclaimed:
"Be off out of that! / know your game,
You're collecting subscriptions for a pub
Nc house" The newly welded wife Of
Westmeath landlord, desiring to act the
part of a Lady Bountiful, had a school
house erected on the estate and supplied
the erstwhile barefooted children with
shoes and stockings. one day the lady
met woman who asked her for some
favor which she was unable to grant.
"An Is that the thanks / get for maxim
me children wear shoes and go 20 school
to PLACE you?" was the woman's indig-
nant comment.
A priest who was an enthusiastic advo-
cate of the blessings of temperance, sue
ceeded IN inducing a worthy, but not very
abstemious. parlshioner to take the pledge
Shortly afterward his reverence met the
convert in condition of advanced intox-
lcation. How is this, James2" asked the
amazed priest; 81 thought you were tee
totaler." II am, yer reverence" replied
James. 80 / am a teetolaler. but /
am not a bgoted one" Another priest.
having succeeded in getting a parishioner
who was arrested for being drunk and dis