The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-06-10
EARIETIES.

Mature is just with compensation
for losses. The toothless man is not
apt to bite off more than he can chew.
Kirby (gloomily)-"Wheat went
down from $l.05 to 81 today Mrs.
Kirby-"I thought you mer didn't be-
lieve in bargain days
The Maid-'Miss Ethel is not in,
sir, but I'll tell her you called" Algy
l-"Aw-thanks. Tell her right away,
please. so you won't forget it,
THANK goodness ~ exclaimed an
old inhabitant, 1--WE don't have ter buy
| any more postage stamps. The gov
eminent is goin' tergive us free deliY-
ery.n
-Minnie-''Is it true that you were
ordered from the theater for refusing
to remove your hat:' Winnie-"Well,
l don't care. | wanted my money
back, and that was the only way l
could think of to get it,
why, Julia, how the waist of
your frock smells OF tar" Yes,
mamma; poor Mr.. Batlines of the Ma
val Reserves has been bidding me
good by again"
Boss Ito new apprentice): HAS
the bookkeeper told you what you
have to do in the afternoon?n Boy a:
Yes, sir. ] was to wake him when |
saw you coming"
You have called me a liar"
shouted the angry citizen to the often
sive citizen, "and you will live to re
greet that speech, sir." '"That jest
shows the difference in fellers, re-
marked Cowboy Bill, who happened
| TO he present, when man calls me
liar, he don't live to regret it. No,
Sir!f
The Pastor:-'Tse glad to see
| hope he don see de error OBJ his ways,
| dat is returned dan ober de ninety an
nine" Brother Jones: "Oh. de
ninety an nine needn' ter crow. All
c'ud tell some things bout de ninety
| an nine if ah wanted to-"
"A lady who saw that her servant
girl seemed to take a certain interest in
| the objects of art in her parlor, said
to her: Which one of those figures
do you like best, Nary This one,
num-" said Mary, pointing to the
arnless Venus of Milo. And why do
you like the Venus best?" Sure, it's
the asest to doost, num-" answered
the girl.
| Said q male advocate of women's
rights: when / am in a crowded
car, and lady comes in, | think it is
the duty of some other man to get up
and give her his seat. | look around
| the car to see if any man in the crowd
looks like making a move in that di.
rection, and when | see them all keep
their seats, hide my face behind my
newspaper, and blush for my sex"
SHE WOULD And SIZE WoULDNT
well, if you go, I'm going as q
nurse, and that's all there is about it,"
she said to him the other night, wher
he threw it out pretty strongly that
he'd probably be fighting for his
country in Cuba in about fort
night,
question you know. You'd get the
fever
Don't care
"And even if you didn't die, YOU'D
be the color of an unripe orange f0
the rest of YOUR life
Don't mind that"
, Then you might get beri beri. PEG
pie that live after having b ari-beri ar
holy frights for the remainder of thei
days"
'All right
"And you never get the smell o
carbolic acid out of your nostriis."
Very we'll il you go Pm going too.
"Of course you'd have to have tina
fine lot of hair oil. yours cut of to pre-
vent Infection"
, "Eh-don'U mind that either"
And you'd have to wear rubbe
, gloves that'd make your hands lool
: bigger'n hams"
That's immaterial."
Fellows that have been down ther
] and know, tell me that the Cuba
hospitals are simply alive with rat
and mice
! go?"
COULDN'T SEE THE CAUSE OF II
0 Bah Jawve," sail Algernon at th
r club, Il feel provoked, don't 20
l. know
$ BAN Jawve it's dem geurls, don
Q you know. | was invited to make
S few wemawks befoah a geurls' schoj
Il club lawst night, don't you know
It awnd when l rose to speak | smiled
II awnd began by saying, When l VIZ
r little geurl, 'awnd all at once the
a set up loft, don't you know, avn
!, continued it so that it was impa wss
d faw me to pwoceed. I wouldn't call
don't you know, but faw the life
v me | cawn't see what thaiah was
II what said, don't you know, to NAL
y the giddy things loft and loft, don
10 | Won know -