The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1898-09-03
MY WATtR(Mtl0N)l00

I consider myself pretty GOOD wheel
man. l don't claim to be able to palahce
myself by one foot on the handle-bars ana
ride backward at a three-minute cip' nor 10
take on everything except the chain ana
cyclometer and coast down flight OF
stairs with any success.
But that is fancy riding and am only a
plain cyclist.
I don't ride for the fun OF the thing nor
do I draw a fat salary for scorching on
thistle" or Falcon" around the cir
cult. What l do use my wheel FOR IS 10 go
somewhere; and usually get there with
regularity and dispatch.
So, when Elizabeth said she was dying
for q wa termelon, 1 told her l would go up
town and fetch her one. Elizabeth WASH
dying, or l shouldn't have volunteered SO
readily-think how 1t would have looked
for me to be of buying watermelonS when
she was dying'-that Is only way she mas
Of talking. Il means she thinks had bet
ter 20, and I generally think 50 myself
sooner or later.
had never given much thought to the
shape of the outside Of watermelon be-
fore. Nature evidently meant them ito
be drunk on the premises" like third
class saloons beer, or else she would have
built handles on them. But as they are
made in the '9S model. they could give point
ers to a canvas jacket for ungrababihty.
have seriously considered football uni
form of the same nature. 1t would be
tackleproof.
There was large pile Of melons at the
market, at Is cents the choice. / am not
a parsimonious man, but, naturally. Exc
to get my moneys worth-sometimeS do
so I picked out about the biggest melon In
the heap, one of those made on the Walk
enphast last, you know-plenty Of room
inside.
That's a whopper," remarked the deal
er: send 1t up for you?" looked at him
suspiciousy. He evidently wanted to
change that melon for an inferior one when
I was gone.
"Oh, I'll take 1t myself" answered. nom
chalently-my last chunk Of nonchalence.
by the way. So tucked it under one arm
and started.
Watermelon Is one Of the poorest sub
stances to tuck that know. 1t seems to
have a natural antipathy to the process
Three times before got to the sidewalk
my heart, II not actually In my mouth, was
we'll up over my collar bone and st!ll ris-
Ing, as the big fellow started to slip out.
But grabbed it with the other hand and
showed it into tuck again.
The wheel was at the curb. sank gently
in to the saddle and grasped the handle-bar.
Before had pushed off that swollen brute
of melon lurched out in front. bowed
up Nike a jacknfe. and, by willy use OF
arm. leg and hadle-bars that would have
IvNifv T hell hi Ia tn,1
pied over among the barrels and boxes.
After extricating ourselves, l took a
grip about like the Terrible Turks strange
hold and started afresh.
I think Of writing a mono1ogue, as Co
nan Doyle says, On the intelligence Of In
sects. There were seven flies Of the horse
variety who had seen US start. They KIN wv
mighty we'll that cursing wouldn't hurt
them as long as you were in practical
strait jacket. So they just promenade
up and down my nose, digging in their toe
nails with the most abandoned familiarity.
/ suppose they thought 1t was Turkish
bath, all for them-for I was perspir:ng
freely, to say the least.
1t is seldom that wish to be any nearer
an ass than charitable providence placed
me, but would have given some thing that
night for some Of those muscles that horses
have in their legs to drive flies with. Some
how the commonplace wiggle get on my
nose doesn't alarm them IN the least, and
oh, what wouldn't have given for bushy
tail to flap.
AS I turned the corner half mile from
the market fresh breeze struck us that
relieved me Of the flies but almost took
my hat as we'll. It was my best hat, but
what could do? There Is no facial CON tor
ton that know that will put your hat on,
and my limbs were ali as busy as a hive Of
queen bees. Even a tail wouldn't have
helped the hat matter. 30, at every pun
Of wind could only bow my head and
spraN I lost It, though. It the Last corner.