Mexico weekly ledger., 1898-06-02


congressman and public lecturer / have
had many curious experiences and noted
many queer things. ] am now about to
describe the most bewildering of all the
objects that have ever fallen under my
observation-more puzzling than any
thing I have read of in history OF fc-
ton.
1t is the Hon. Thomas Bruckett Reeds
ear. I assure all to whom this may
come that it is entirely worthy Of their
profoundest consideration; for that car,
in addition to many minor peculiarities,
is a history maker. Indeed it has made
more history than any other auricular
apparatus with which history concerns
itself. I do not even except the immortal
a Of one Jenkins, the amputation OF
which created a great war, as wars
went in the seventeenth century. Mr..
Reeds ear has a larger theater for &C.
ton, so to speak, than did that of Jen-
kins and consequently the impressions
upon its tympanum mean more, far
more, to the human race than a barrel
of Jenkins ears and the bloody results
of cutting it off.
In it's external conformation there Is
nothing out of the ordinary about Mr..
Reeds ear. True, it is large-but then
il must be remembered that the speaker
is cast in a gigantic mold, and his ear,
while unquestionably large, is not out
of harmony with his general make up,
or, the French would say, his tout
ensemble.
A Peculiar Auricle.
The internal-I came near writing it
''infernal'' and would not have been far
wrong if I had-the internal character
istics of that ear astonish me and grieve
me to relate. It is a convenient and adj
Unstable ear-deaf as a post sometimes,
sensitive as a maiden's heart at others.
Some simple folks who have read st.
Paul's rhapsody on charity in the thir-
tenth chapter of I Corinthians have
suggested to me that this varying and
amazing quality Of the speakers hear.
ing apparatus is due to cold in his head.
Now it must be admitted that when he
has cold in his head he has enough to
start an ice factory on the equator, for
he indeed possesses a capacious dome
of thought, and, sad to tell it, has sery-
ed frequently as a cold storage estab-
lishment for the heated ambitions of
many members. But those who have
experienced or observed colds in the
head know that they are not'intermit-
tent. They don't render a person deaf
one minute, exceedingly quick of hear
ing the next and then again suddenly
deaf as an adder. This being the case,
I must reject as untenable the theory
that the surprising performances of Mr..
Reeds ear are due to cold in his caput,
or, vulgarly speaking, his noggin. In
less than two minutes I have observed
his a as impervious to sound as Is a
ducks back to water or O mule to NOR
al suasion, and in the next moment
acute as the quarrel between Richard
Croker and David Bennett Hill. So that
reluctantly we must declare that the
general conclusion of cold in the head
is based on too few observations, Is
Lord Bacon would say.
Peculiarities of the Speaker.
1t is a political ear, or, to speak more
precisely, a Republican ear When its
owner has resolved not to hear, a Dem
ocrat or Populist with lungs tenfold
stronger than old Stentor's can make no
impression ON it. In such cases it is
speaking literally into 1.-THE dull cold
ear of DEATH" but 1t can catch the
faintest whisper of the beloved Dingley
a thousand miles through the roa of a
Niagara. Truth to tell, that worthy
gentleman, who still believes that a man
can lift himself over the fence by tug
ging at his own boot straps and that
you can enrich people by taxing them
within an inch of their lives, has fire.
quently been surprised by the speaker
drawling, "The gentleman from Maine
is recognized at times when he had
asked 10 recognition, desired none and
was busily engaged in conversation with
some faithful henchman.
I have been told, though I hardly be-
lieve it, that ON one occasion after Mr..
Reed had made William Mckinley q
president in posse by appointing him
chairman Of the ways and means COM
mittee-oh, how Thomas must regret
that piece Of his handiwork and how he
must recall the words of the Quaker
poet,
OF all sad words Of tongue or pen
The saddest are these: I Numbered then
the Democrats were ramming the Re-
publicans into a hole, the speaker think
ing it time to recognize the Buckeye
Napoleon"-shades of the warrior Of
Lodi, Marengo and Austerlitz forgive
the profanation-and bawled, 1.-THE gen.
tleman from Ohio is ~recognizedF' and,
William being out of the house, the
speaker, after looking hastily around
the hall, inquired soto voce of his page,
"Where the devil is the gentleman from
Ohio?" That may be a Pigment of the
imagination. Perhaps it is. But all the
same he more than once has recognized
'sthe gentleman from Maine when half
a dozen leather lunged statesmen were
believing like so many bulls of Bashan
for recognition and when ''the gentle
man from Maine had to be recognized
two or three times and nudged in the
ribs by some friend to get him on his
feet.
A Theory Disproved.
1t is on a viva voce vote in the house
that the marvellous convenience n po-
litical character of Mr.. Reeds ear are
most palpably in evidence. One hun
dred and fifty Democrats and Pops may
yell faye" so Justify that the glass roof
is in imminent danger of being cracked,
while Governor Dingley may squeak
mo- SO family that he can't be heard
three feet away Che sits at least so feet
from the speakers desk) and Mr.. Reed
will say, with a smile that is childlike
and bland, "The noes appear to have
it,"
This sort Of performance goes far to
disprove the wave theory of sound, for
the political opponents of Mr.. Reed may
make the circumambient atmosphere so
vibrant that it takes on the force Of a
miniature cyclone, yet it creates no i'm
preston on his tympanum, which 1t
would surely do If the wave theory Is
correct. Hearing with the speaker GEMS