davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
BoB'S EXAMINATION.
His Fathers Trouble Was Not Hered-
 itable.

Old Bob conceived the idea of having his life insured.
 How much do you Weigh! asked tht examining physician.
 'T weigh bout fifteen poun's more der my wife does. ., femme tell yer.
 How tall are you?"
 'Who-me?
 'L,emme see. Does yer know Abe Seviei what worked fur ole man Plummer?" ''No."
 wal, rse sorry, fur l ain't quite ez tall The doctor. after weighing old Bob and measuring his height; asked; How old are you?''
 "Who-me?"
 ''Yes, of course you. You are being ex- amined."
 Oats a fack Wall, femme see. My birfday comes in July, an now whut ] wants ter git at is how many Julys ken recolleck. Amt dat de p'int?' Yes
 Wal. femme see Blame ef I know Suppose we make it August, stead of "What difference would that maker" > "Doant know. but it's jes' ez easy" "Ill put you down at fifty. Put who down at fifty? You, of course.'
 ''No, boss, doan' put me down at fifty. JeS' say Seventy-fve.
  Wall, yer see, Ise gwinter git CT 'vorce from my present wife an marry CT young gal. Eff a man dat's got house an lot is mighty ole, CT young gal will marry him, case she thinks dat he will soon drap off an den de house an lot will show her up mighty fine in de market" How old is your father? "'Bout CT hunnered an ten.' You don't tell me SOP?
 "Yes, does.''
 'Is he in good health?" "Oh, no, sah, dat ain't whar he is. He's in de grabe.'
 Thought you said he is 11o?" ''He is You didn't ax me how old he wuz when he died"
 Well how old was he when he died?' "'Bout forty"
 Had he enjoyed good health?" "Oh, yes, sah; de healthiest man yer eber seed.'
 Did he have a lingering disease?" 'Whut sorte 'zeaZe?"
 Was he sick very long?" 'Oh, no, sah. He dropped off mighty sudden
 Heart disease?"
 No, sah."
 "Did the doctors attend him?" Well, what did they say was the mat ter with him?''
 ''Da didn't say much O nothin'. One O. em climbed up an put his year agfn de ole man an said dat he wuZ dead enough ter be cut down. Den de Sheriff cut him down an put him in CT box. Doan' think dat he had heart 'zeaze, boss. Think dat he had some Sorter trouble wid his naik '' Look here, I don't believe that you want your life insured"
 I doan' b'lebe l does sah since yer's gunter pry inter mans family history Good-day, sah. ."-Arkansas Traveller.
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
CLEFT FEM ALL COME"
London Says This When It Means to
 Be FacetiouS.

A new epidemic has broken out in the metropolis. It is of highly dangerous type; vaccination will not prevent It., neither has it any respect for the con scientious objector." The chief symp- tom of the disease is that persons afflicted when spoken to display curi- ous and weird smile and say with gusto: Let 'em all come"
 When you first hear it it sounds rather vulgar, but you repeat it two or three times by way of scientific test and then it seems witty. By this time you have caught the complaint and have acquired an irrepressible propen- sity for saying it yourself. You cannot keep 1t out of your conversation any more than you can keep your feet out of puddles in wet weather.
 The phrase is said to have originated in a song sung by a well-known com edian, but be it noted, at certain celebrated music hall where the song is not being sung there are forty-two turns, and in each turn this phrase is used at least once.
 It was said by a conductor at the Elephant and Castle when seventy seven passengers tried to squeeze into the last bus.
 A nonconformist minister nearly said it recently in his sermon, and his con- gregation nearly smiled.
 IL SOo etiC yOullS IldA lOQS6r ana want to bring half-doZen boon com panions home to supper, or are think ing of asking a friendly manager for a few stalls for self and a small party Of relatives from the country, or seek "diggings" somewhere in the suburbs where there is no objection to eleven squalling children, it is quite safe to make your request, for the reply is sure to be: "Let 'em all come"
 Or SIlnnOSp VOII ora Y,ar1yo11c ,o,a~. Now Is the time to screw up courage. If you hear that you may expect burg lars, or you know your creditors are planning a raid, or your most distant relatives seem to be contemplating a long stay, or you read in the evening paper that the French have determined to claim an outlet on the Thames some where near your little plat of back garden-upon hearing the news you are sure to feel brave, and exclaim hero ically: What do I care-'Let 'em all come '"-London Mail
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
ADVERTISEMENT DIR. WURTH'S OPINION
OF THE NEW DISCOVERY IN MEDl-
 CINE.
A Remarkably Successful Remedy for Dyspepsia, Indigestion and Stomach
 Troubles

Dr. Wurth, in commenting on recent discoveries in medicine said: There is none which is certain to be so valuable and far reaching in benefit as Stuart's Dyspepsia Tablets, the new stomach remedy; I say far reaching, because people little realize how important q sound stomach and vigorous digestion is to every man, woman and child.
 Indigestion is the starting point of consumption, heart disease, Bright's disease, diabetes, nervous prostration. liver troubles; why is this SO? Simply because every nerve, muscle and tissue in our bodies is created and nourished from the food we eat If that food is. by reason of weak stomach, compelled to lie for hours, a sour, fermenting | mass of half digested food, it poisons the blood and nervous system, creates gas which distends the stomach and bowels, causing pressure on the heart. lungs and other organs, and seriously impeding their action.
 He says further, the point to direct attention is not the nerves, nor heart, ! nor lungs, nor kidneys, but the stom- [ ach, the first cause of all the mischief.
 The remedy to use for indigestion and weak stomachS is not some cathartic but a remedy which will digest the food, increase the flow of gastric juice, absorb the gases, and Stuart's Dyspep- sia Tablets will accomplish exactly this result in any case of stomach trouble, because these tablets are composed of the digestive acids, aseptic pepsin. Golden Seal and bismuth, pleasant ta taste, and not being a patent medicine, can be used by anybody with perfect safety. I believe Stuart'S Dyspepsia Tablets will cure any form of indiges tion and stomach trouble except cancer of stomach.
 Full size packages of Stuart's Dyspep sia Tablets are sold by druggists at 50 cents or by mail from F. A. Stuart C1.- Marshall, Mich. A book on stomach diseases together with thousands of testimonials will be sent by addressing above or call on your druggist for them.
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
CRYSTALLlZING AGAINST BURNS.

The of Mexican probably "Colonel" utilization United States Senate is fact lsand with so1difyng hc Company name" the Senate What is wanted that high whose nian blush and whose he is likely their
 Is it possible to consider for like tal? Is possible init their ate standing citizen polcs Is 1t hitherto the Republicans will be despcable their children perform the office of Constable State? to all @ for against the Legislature into barterng their rapidly reaching be the Calfona-the Herrins. 
 
 
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  to
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
QUARTET OF SCOTCH YARNS.
Told by Scotch-American Who
 Lately Visited His Native Land.

When I crossed the border from Eng iand to Scotland said John Wharton men Of the Scottish dialect. At this sea son it is customary, even on the finest day, for flying showers to pass over the country, drenching everything, followed in few minutes by bright sunshine, dry ing everything up again in a very short time. That rain stopped for few min @ utes at Lockerbie, when l heard one aud wife say to anither: Janet, it's gay bit shoorie.' 'Ou, ay, says Janet, but it's nae what ye wud ca a weeting rain
 During the summer" continued MT. Wharton, "the northeast coast of Scot land is full of fisher folk-men and women from the highlands-who come to get work at the great herring harvests. Some of them are rather rough, and the resi- dents do not always speak well of them. In riding on the train from Auchnagati to Aberdeen one morning my friend ana saying nothing derogatory! of them, but thought so, for by and by she broke forth, saving; Indeed, ye forget that ties he passed by all ither occupations and choose them from the fisher folk ''
 'I went to the old United Presbyterian kirk said MT. Johnston, "at Sayoch, about mile from our farm, and was re- minded of a good story about the minis ter some, sixty years ago. His name was Rev. David Cav, and he was very di-. minutive man, standing only about feet inches. He led to the altar a strapping, handsome lass, some five or six inches taller than he, and her name was Grace Wilson. The Sunday after the wedding he got a neighboring minister to preach for him, so that he could sit with his bride on the first Sunday The minister was a good deal of a wag, so MT Cav made him promise faithfully that he would. not allude in his sermon to himself, his bride, or the fact of the marriage. So he prom ised that in his sermon he would make no. allusion of that kind whatever,' but MT: Cav nearly sank through the floor when the text was given out-Ephesfans tii:S: Unto me, who am less than the last Of all saints, is this Grace given. "'
 Another story MT. Johnson tells is, vouched for, he says, by every apprecia- tive Scotsman who tells it and so 1t must be true It is this:
 'In Braemar there lived g. good old Scotch father, whose portion Of worldly goods was a fair one, except that they included a scolding wife. She was noted tongue. One day she died, to all appear ances Preparations were made for the funeral, and, indeed, it had progressed so far as the carrying out of the coffin, when in the narrow passage the well-meaning but awkward pallbearers jostled against it. and 1t was hit Smartly upon the easing of the door, The next instant the scold- ing and only partly departed wife had come to life and sat up in her cerements. What she said was not recorded, but few years after that she died again, and this time they were fairly sure that they were dealing with the real thing. But when they bore her down the hall again the bereaVed husband called out in a Shrlll and anxious treble:
 "'Ca canny! Ca canny! GO carefully It was there that she came roun last +ip,ei Milwaukee Wisconsin.
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25

began. fin New York a funny incident happened. A barber there-head a little to the right, .please-was singeing the
 hair Of a sailor. The barber had two combs. One of them, steel affair, he used for singeing. He had gotten near ly through when his attention was called away for a moment, and he put down
 this comb. Without thinking he took up the other one when he came back Don't get uneasy. I'll be ethrough.in a minute or so. We'll, no sooner had he touched
 the comb to the flame than the comb blazed us, the mans hair caught and his scalp was terribly burned before the flames could be put out. The comb was celluloid, you see. Hold up; whats your hurry? What, you're not going to wait? Got to catch train? What? Never get your hair singed again? The custo- mer by this time; was making a streak appeared and the barber doesn't know. yet what frightened the man.-Philadel- phia Times. !
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
Aliens as Lawyers.

The Siamese Prince who has just been called to- the bar at the Inner Temple is an instance of how ready the English people are to open the door to the for eigner It Is no doubt a compliment 10 ourselves that aliens, and especially those of high rank, should seek admission to our Inns of Court, and we are probably the only country in the world where the honor is sought. It is due no doubt to the fact that our courts are held through out the world in the highest esteem. and our system of Jurisprudence, far from per lection though 1t may be, is the best that at present prevails. In other countries naturalization must precede the certificate of qualification; but with us the certIfi- cate of fitness alone is essential. In the United States naturalization Is insisted on, and operates harshly against English barriSterS seeking admission to the State courts There is one case, however where an Englishman succeeded by a side-Wind in gaining the desired privilege without even passing an examination. By the laws of certain State all citizens who de- clare their intention of practicing in inc courts may do so at once on sllb- scribing to the form provided But sey- eral years are required for full naturaliz- ation, and this was overcome by the gen tleman in question joining the State mill tia. after declaring his intention to become an American citizen. and this entitled the militiaman to all the rights and privileges of a citizen; including, of course, the right to practice as a counselor at law.-I.on- don Pail Mall Gazette.
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
CALIFORNIA; THREATENED DISGRACE.

political smooth with politician in the and personally offensive he his working of machine of falling nd the hat M White But the people becoming situation they
 the Legislature that for Dan Burns deep political social this pothouse be a nd { of resembling the Cistobal Colon Republican heart and just pride in his citizenship opposing infamous of M In such things dhonast be ondered their minos begin feathers!-Ios Angeles Times
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
A Large and Leisurelv Meteor.

An enormous meteor passed over Gienville, w. Va, recently It created a terrible roaring noise and was heard for miles around. For ten minutes the SKY was light as day, and men and cattle ran about frightened and be- numbed as by an electric current. The passing of the strange body caused a rise of many degrees in the tempera- ture, and for an hour the air was hot and stif1ing.-Baltimore American.
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
Reception for Judge Day.

CANTON Ohio, Dec. 24.-At a meeting of the Stark County Bar tonight it was decided to tender reception and banquet to William R. Day, the president of the Peace Commission, after his return to his home in this city. .-
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
An Indiscreet Barber.

Barber No. 10 in big shop in the cen- tBal part of the city has an unhappy faculty of telling the right story at the wrong time. and no sooner had he half finished singeing the hair of a victim than he started: Two months ago." he
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25
McKinlev's Sentiments lndorsed.

MILWAUKEE, Dec. 24.-Wolcott Post, the largest Grand Army post in the State, at a meeting has adopted resolutions in dorsing the sentiments expressed by Pres ident Mckinley on his recent trip South.
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25

Advances made on furniture and pianos, with or without removal J. Noonan. 1O17-1Oz3 Mission
The San Francisco call., 1898-12-25

nif1cant letter intercepted on the Mail dock:
 To Chan Hing-Dear Sir: Upon receipt of this be to take the testimony and com init it to memory word by word. This is the best way. The day the customs people come down to examine you, the way they ask VOL the way you answer-these things you write down in small and egible characters and very particularly. and whenever any one is landed you hand the writing to him to be quickly de- livered at my store. The importance of this cannot be overestimated. Notify every one situated you are to do exactly as I have just advised.
 Question-Any pond in your village?
 Answer-There Is large pond right opposite our house.
 Question--what is the name of your village? Answer-Kai Mok.
 Question-Any hills near your village?
 Answer-There is a hill near village
 Question-How far Is the hill?
 Answer-You say the hill easily be seen from the village.
 Question-Is your house large?
 Answer-Two bedrooms and parlor.
 Question-1ow far is your house from your uncle's?
 Answer-Three doors away
 As to other matters about home be sure to say you don't know
 In this case Meredith made another
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-06-22
SANTIAGO De CUBA
Founded in 1914 and Incor-
pOrated in 1922.
HarbOc is Almost ImpsnetrabIe.
Narrow Entrance Through
perpendicular Cliffs.

Santiago Bay, where Sampson has
a portion Of the Spanish feet bottled
up is veritable trap. The Vancouver
| News-Advertiser says of it that the
bay itself is virtually a bottle with
! the entrance as an extremely small
neck thereto. The coast presents TO
! the Caribbean Sea an almost perpen-
dicular, frowning wall of granite ex-
! tending for miles east and west of the
harbor. The entrance is a cleft in
the rock, invisible until the steamer
is exactly abeam of it. On either side
there are batteries as a protection.
Five miles nearer the city there is
still another battery.
The channel in the bay is narrow
and is between perpendicular walls
so high that they shut out the light.
The bay itself is studded with islets.
No merchant ship or regular liner can
enter this bay without a native pilot,
and these ships have to proceed with
great precautiOn even under such
guidance.
There is in the bay sufficient sea
room to accommodate the fleets of the
world but not depth of water. A sea
fight in the bay is impossible as one
ship at the entrance could hold a whole
fleet at bay. The city lies close by
the shore and is surrounded by high
hills.
The streets are indescribabIy filthy,
and the same will apply to the in
habitants. There is no sewerage sys-
tenn, and offal of all descriptions is
dumped in the streets, to be consumed
or left alone by the buzzards, who
constitute the scavenger system.
The city is cOmpactly built. The
streets are narrow, the houses are of
adobe and brick, and every residence
is strongly fortified. Most of these
houses were built from one to two
centuries ago, and were actually for
titled for protection against bandits
and robbers. Next to Havana, Santi-
ago is the richest city on the Island.
There is very little poverty and the
millionaires are counted by the score.
A vast majority of the women of San
tiagO are decidedly dusky in hue.
There are probably not a dozen full
blOOded Spanish women in the city.
The two cOaling stations in the bay
are not the property Of the Govern
ment but of a private company which
brings nearly all the coal from the
United States. At last accounts the
average amount Of coal brought into
these yards yearly from abroad was
Is. 600 tons Most of this was Anthra-
cite and Cumberland, with small
percentage of Welsh English and
Scotch There are no known facii-
ties for docking vessels, but the city
has several machine shops capable of
making ordinary repairs on visiting
vessels.
On the outskirts of the city is what
is now slaughter house, where the
Virginius crew was shot in 1873.
The city of Santiago was founded
in 1914 by Diego VeIasQUez, and was
incorporated in 1922. For a time it
was the capital of the Island In 1858,
Frenchmen captured the city, and the
Spaniards were forced to give a ran
som of 500, 900 for its release.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-06-22

Bad management keeps more people
in poor circumstances than any other
one cause. To be successful one must
look ahead and plan ahead so that
when a favorable opportunity presents
itself he is ready to take advantage
of it. A little fOrethought viii also
save much expense and valuable time.
a prudent and careful man will keep
a bottle Of Chamberlain's Collie, ChOle-
ra and Diarrhoea Remedy in the house,
the shiftless fellow will wait until ne
cessity cOmpels it and then ruin his
best horse going for a doctor and have
a big doctor bill to pay, besides; one
pays out % cents, the other is out a
hundred dollars and then wonders why
his neighbOr is getting richer while
he is getting poorer. For sale by all
druggists and dealers. Benson, Smith
& Co, Ltd, wholesale agents for Ha-
waiian Islands.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-06-22

The Supreme Court, in unanimous
decision, has ordered that the case of
Dr. Raymond against the Paia Plan
tation Company, be tried by Circuit
Court again. Judgment was first for
plaintiff and rehearing has been or
dered on error. In this ruling the
Supreme Court holds that the Govern
ment physician, where there is an
ordinary contract for care of sick
Iaborers, cannot charge an extra or
special fee for major operation.
The charge in this case was $3.50 for
relief of Japanese patient. This was
while DR.. Raymond was a Govern
ment physician on Maui.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-06-22
SEALED TENDERS

Will be received at the Office of the
MINISTER OF THE INTERIOR
until TUESDAY, June 28th, 1898. at
Il o'clock noon for the purchase of
surplus timber in the forest on the
ridge below Tantalus Heights.
Bids wl1 be received at so much per
cord on the stumps. Trees to be cut
as designated by the forester and the
brush disposed of under his supervi-
sion.
Particulars may be learned upon ap-
plication to the Office of the Commits
sioner and Secretary of the Board of
Commissioners of Agriculture and
Forestry, Judiciary Building.
The Minister of the Interior does
not bind himself to accept the lowest
or any bid.
Tenders must be endorsed Bids for
Cutting Timber"
HENRY E. COOPER.
Minister of the Interior. ad interim.
Interior Office, June 10th, 1898.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-06-22
BY AUTHORITY.
WATER NOTICE.

In accordance with Section of
Chapter EEVI. of the laws of 1886:
All persons holding water privileges
or those paying water rates, are here
by notified that the water rates for the
term ending December 81, 1898, win be
due and payable at the Office OF the
Honolulu Water Works, on the LIST day
Of july, 1898.
All such rates remaining unpaid for
Is days after they are due will be sub
ject to an additional 10 per cent.
All privileges upon which rates re-
main unpaid August 18th, 1898, GO
days after becoming Delinquent are
liable to suspension without further
notice.
Rates are payable at the Office Of
the Water Works in the Kapuaiwa
Building.
ANDREW BROWN,
Sup't Honolulu Water Works.
Honolulu, H. l., June 20, 1898.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-06-22

The tenders must be for the price
per pound for Hides and for Tallow
delivered on the wharf, Honolulu, on
weights approved by an Agent of the
Board of Health. Payments are to be
made in T. S. Gold Coin, Immediately
after delivery of the goods.
The Board does not bind itself to
accept the highest or any bid.
WILLIAM o. SMITH,
President OF the Board of Health.