Gulf Coast breeze. [volume] (Crawfordville, Fla.) 1897-19??, 1898-12-16

spring lamb can jump thistle"
"What for? 1 am stating this case
fairly, am I not2 Your wife is no
longer young. She is no longer hand
some. Her hands are as hard as a
bookagent's cheek aud she has stopped
over milk can until she has hump
on her back like o podler."
"Shut up, will youP"
"She has raised four children. One
OF them is at college. One is taking
music lessons in Boston. The other
two are teaching school. She is at
home alone, going around in tread
mill life which will end in q rosewood
coffin and a first class country
funeral"
stop that, professor, will you?"
"And your wife does not look we'll
in that new wagon, so you take your
hired man and neighbor's girls to
meeting. Your wife never goes any
where, so you do not get her n watch
like your own, nor new silk dress,
nor pony that she can drive, nor
basket phaeton that she could climb
iuto without ladder. She never goes
out. She has to work in the kitchen,
30 she gets no nice shoes like yours"
"Confound my skin il I don't"
'When you know, and / know, that
II your wife had chance to rest, and
had nice clothes like other women,
she would be one Of the best looking
women of her age in town."
II swan believe it,"
"And, rs old as she is, il you were
to get out the carriage next Sunday
and drive around with the colts and
tell her you wanted her to 60 to meet.
ing with you, she would actually blush
with pleasure.
BLAMED il don't do it."
'Then, Monday, il you were to tell
her you were going to hire girl, and
that she must sit in the sitting-room
by the new nickle plated coal stove
and work on Il a. new silk dress you
are going to buy her"
professor, that's me-"
"And then hand her nice wallet,
with steel clasps and with five nice
new twenty dollar notes in ii, and tell
her to do her own trading after this,
because You have got tired looking
after so much money"
"I will, as sure as you live."
"And then, when the tear starts in
her eye, and the same old blush
comes ont that you thought so nice
when you went on that teeter to
Albany, If you would kiss her"
cts all right, professor.
"Then, my friend, l should begin
to think she had made something by
marrying rich man."
"You're right, old man,"
'Then think you wouldn't have
miserable wife any longer. Then
you would no longer want to sell or
rent the farm, but would be showing
the mother of your children how much
you respected her for her life of devo-
ton. Then she would know she was
a partner in = that thirty thousand.
Then if you made your will all right,
and she had good rest, I think she
would some time be on eligible
widow"
"Think so, professor"
eyes, I know Women pity you
because you are tied to such sorry
wife. Foolish old maids and
silly girls whisper behind your back
what nice looking man You are, and
what q stick Of wife YOU have, and
you are just soft enough to wear tight
boots and oil what little hair you have
left on top Of your head, and go
around figuring up how long before
your wife will die"
"Say, now, professor, there is q
limit to endurance. lam going"
~ am coming down to see you next
week. Will it be all right?"
eyes, If yon drop this kind OF talk,
and won't tell ofmy complaints about
my wife. I'll try your medicine,
Would you stick for that prescription
about the pocketbook and twenty
dollar notes?"
'How much did you say you have
made together?"
II cave. The dress will be all right,
and the pony and phseton will be
handy for the gals. Come down and
see us, old man, but not word about
this talk. If you wasn't an cid man,
I'd"
Tipping the derby back on his head
and shaking the wrinkles out Of his
tight trousers, he puts his hands into
his pockets and sauntered away.
''There," said /, lis one man who
has taken the only legal and God
given way of getting rid OF q miser-
able wife"