Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-06-05
suburban-hOmo craze will only last one

suburban-home craze will only last one
summer.
The 'notiony'' man buys the summer
residence. IL takes him just forty minutes
TO get through the whole business-the
deeds, the notes, the recordation of the
transfer, and everything He then puts IN
few moments buying garden-secds and
such like. He is very cheerful, and when
he gets home he is in the best OF humOrs.
In his shrt-sleeves he volunteers TO as
sst his wife. who Is very busy. That good
woman has already worked forty-eight
hours in anticipation Of the move. and
still has n weeks labor before her She,
too, is apparently cheerful, though often
I she thinks Of her coming isolation from
J the world when the "notiony" man IS
{ attending TO his business i'm the city and
/ the children are out in the fields getting
I cheegers all over themselves and eating
| green fruit and sticking thOrnA al their
! feet A still small voice IS telling her how
. she will miss her daily trips to the mar
ket. where the world and its vI:e meet
to exchange gossip and quote prices on
! dinners. No more will she be able to run
down 10 the dry-goods stores every after
noon, or to watch her neighbors from the
. in 200 yards OF the suburban home. IL IS
/ all too horrible 10 think about, but not
Withstanding this, the good woman is
/ cheerful. She knows she will get her re-
Yenge, and revenge is sweet-yes, even
| to the most consistent members Of the
Baptist Church. All that day the mo
/ tony" man Is tremendously accommo-
! dating. and he works like a beaver to
/ help get things ready-especially the
/ things he Will most need for his own
comfort. Frequently he reminds his wife
that he is making the move entirely for
| her benefit and the welfare of the chill
dren. And then, too, he feels that he has
invested his money most wisely. and that
some day he can sell the place at a ire
mendous profit A great head has the
"notiony" man, and also a very hard
head. his wife thinks.
And It came to pass that on the first
day of their sojourn in the suburban resi-
dence the cook, in a frenzy Of melancholy,
surreptitiously quilted the rural demesne
even as the cabbage boiled in the pot and
the bacon was frying in the pan. But 'ye
guide ladye" CRASHED not her teeth there
at, but, chuckling in her sleeve, she
smiled and was exceedingly glad. And
unto herself she quoth: ut is well, for
when he cometh home at eventide he
will be sore distressed and will admins
ter unto himself divers and sundry kick
ings."
And while she spake these things there
came unto her her first-born, bearing in
his dexter hand that which had been
the brow of his puerile trousers, the
which had been rent asunder by ye fangs
Of ye puppy dog in frolicksome sportive
ness. Nor did the woman become ex-
ceeding wroth when she sat eyes upon
the seatless pants, for We puppy dog was
dear unto the heart of him that welded
her, and had been purchased with ten
pieces Of silver. 80 be IT," spake she
unto the BARN that was sad and sorrow
full. for 1t is the wish Of thy father"
And then with an instrument called a
broom, and much used by witches and
unctu.t fk sne shood from the curti-
lage certain feathered creatures known
Shanghais. the which had eaten their
ill Of garden seed and bulged 10 their
throttles Herewith. Nor was she angered
at the unseemly hardness Of certain fowl
called hennes, which FASTENED not when
at them she hurled stones OF the earth
and chunks Of sod. For the soul OF tho
woman was possessed Of patience, and
she gave not a continental for the things
which came TO pass But, lol even before |
the hour designated for the filing OF in |
fantile outlets had arrived there ran unto |
ye guide housewife the second born OF |
the household, displaying a lacerated toe |
and crying aloud: Mother mother, / am |
undone; the hoe mischance smote my |
toe as l titled the soil in lieu OF father"
And tho woman, being full OF the wis 4
dom Of motherhood and wise in the ma
npulation OF lacerated boys toes, bound /
thar which was wounded and
that 4. lick in time saves nine, cuffed the |
ear % the second born.
But ere the sun had set, he that was
full of motions" and ofttimes bull-head- |
ed, came unto the household, bearing
aloft various and divers bundles. and APP
pearing exceedingly glad. And Joy came
into his eyes as he surveyed the freehold
and looked upon the garden, and patted
the head of ye puppy dog and shifted the
air that was pregnant with malaria and
full OF chills and fever When she that
was his wife gave him not the where
withal to eat. and filed not the chinks
made wider by hours of business activity,
he did scowl and murmur and mutter |
for wise men have said that the stomach
Is dear TO their kind. 1t was eventide
when he hied himself unto that which
was his garden and looked about him.
And when his eye fell on those things
wrought by ye Shanghais and by the
feet OF hennes. he was exceed
Ing wroth and pulled out with indigna-
ton, and he smote his breast as one
possessed, and chewed the rag and cried
out and would fain have held ye good
ayde responsible. When the vine
and fig-tree had withered In autumn, and
he frstborn lay sick with fever. and ye
was as skin and bone. the man
With motions spake unto his wife. say
ng: 1T Is all your fault that woe has
,ome unto my household. Would that i
had turned unto you q deaf ear and
learkened not unto you when you drove
ne from the city unto this wilderness.
Would that you had taken my advice and
,ided In tho city"
And the woman was glad In her heart
md gleesome In spirit and gurgled with
lelight. for revenge was sweet TO her soul.
The sequel Of It all. in plain, everyday
english, is told by the following adyer-
isement:
II |