The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1898-02-25

came home from his worruk and aXed
wot was there for dinner. lie was toired
an hungry an cross as two sthicks, so
he was, an | give him a soft answer"
S'Well what did you say?' "Cowld
mush. detroit Free Press.
a pompous bishop was having his por-
traint painted, and, after sitting for an
hour in silence he thought he would
break the monotony. "How are you get
ting along?" he inquired. To his aston
ishmeht the artist, absorbed in his work,
replied: "MoVe your head little to the
right, and shut your mouth Not being
accustomed to such n form of address,
his lordship asked, May / ask why you
address me in that manner" The artist,
still absorbed in his work-"I want to
take off a little of your cheek.---rit-
Bits.
An Actors EXcuse-After his first
great successes, w. S. Penley had to act
in many pays which somehow did not
seem to please the public. Some of these
he just kept alive by his brilliant gag
ging." On one occasion. when a wretch
ed play had been going for some weeks
in this manner, the conceited young 1u-
thor came behind and asked Mr.. Penley
why he gagged" so much.
To this Mr.. Penley replied promptly:
you live in town; but, you see, | live in
the country, and have to catch the l2.15
from aterloO!'-Tit-Bits.
A Louisville gambler on one occasion
thought he had good thing when u
stranger who looked as if he had plenty
of money came along and suggested a
friendly game of poker. The game ran
along smoothly for a while, and at last,
bp
gambler dealt to the guiltless stranger
four queens and gave himself four kings.
The betting became interesting right
away, and after all the cash was up and
it came to II showdown the Louisville
man laid down mis- four kings and the
stranger showed four aces. Take the
money, mister!" gasped the astonished
Kentuckian; take it, if YOU have the
heart to do so; but I'll be darned if that
was the hand | dealt you!"-Argonaut.
A good land trueO story is going the
round which shows to what extent the
violent ebullitions and caprices of the
German emperor are regarded in his own
country. An English gentleman, it ap-
pears, was walking with a friend in Tn
ter den Linden, and in the course of a
discussion on the Kaiser's conduct COM
mittCd a grievous error of Majestats Be
leidigung THE enreror's a. fool" he
exclaimed, whereupon an English-speak-
ing police officer tapped him on the Shou-
der and said, "You must come nit me TO
re police station" What for?" asked
the Englishman "Mein herr did call re
kaiser a - fool" replied the man. mo,
no." urged the cute Brton sit was the
Russian emperor | was talking about"
Dat will not wash" went on the con-
stable; "dere is 10 emperor a - fool eX-
cept the German emperor" After which,
Dame Rumor has it, the police officer and
the Englishman agreed to Keep each 9th
cr's secret, and parted on good terms.--
Westminster Gazette.
National Characteristics.-A German
and FrenChman sat opposite each other
at table dhote in certain hotel in
Switzerland. "You are Frenchman, |
suDpose?" inquired the German at the
commencement of the meal. YES" was
the reply, but how do you manage to
find that out?" Because you eat so
much bread" said the German There
was long pause. When the dinner was
over the Frenchman In turn questioned
his vis-a-vis. you are German, pre-
sume?" "To be sure; but tell me, pray,
how you made that discovery" Because
you ate so much of everything" was the
dry retort.- London Figaro.
"<ismet."-A lady living in fashion,
dDle quarter mas DIT OF Sldludiy Dear
ing the inscription "Kismet" The house
maid was dusing the room the other day
when the mistress appeared.
"Shure, ma'am, what's the mann' of
the ritin' on the bottom of this ," asked
the maid referring to the inscription on
the statue
"I<ismet means fate" replied the
mistress.
Bridget was limping painfully when out
with her sweetheart not long afterward,
and he asked
whats the matter Bridget?"
Faith was the answer. II have the
most tirrlble korns " me kismet!-
from Tlt-Blts.