Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-08-21
MUST FACE POWDER
THE DUTY OF MEN WHEN THEY
BECOME ENGAGED.
THE IDLER SEVERELY cEHsuRED.
He Undertook to Crack Jokes and
Came Near Getting His Head
Cracked-A Good Samaritan ON q
gfreef-CAr.
street-Car.

One evening dlteF we ndu gotten All tnc
children quiet and had chloroformed the
baby into q perspiring state OF somnol-
ence / comfortably hoisted my slippered
feet UP among the mantel bric-a-brac and
prepared myself for a pleasant chat with
the Comma nder-in Chief. This after-sup-
per period is the only hour when she isn't
busy. On this occasion she hadn't a
blessed thing to do. Exceptin' the clear
ing away of the dishes and the counting
OF the table linen and the hiding or the
family plate and the giving or next days
orders to the cook, the good woman
was absolutely without employment. /
thought she would be good-humored, for
had heard her say "Gee-whillikins" two
or three times, and that is generally a
sign that she isn't pugnacious. So 1t &C.
CURED to me / would crack few jokes
with her and show my contempt for
her sex In my usual genial sunshiny way.
think II but Just to explain that most
of my witticisms were culled from Chi
cago paper, but then she didn't know that,
and / thought Of course she would give
me just as much credit for them as If
they had been original:
Speaking about the war;" l COM
menced, II observe that nowadays In
matrimonial engagements men have TO
face the powder" At this l laughed like
a man who sees an enemy slip up on a
banana peel.
But never a smile came from the pur-
chasing agent of my establishment.
Finally, seeing that l was about to go
into commissions Of mirth, she said: "That
may be mighty funny, but blessed II can
see a grain OF sense In IL. Take it to
pieces and explain the point to me-"
Right much crestfallen l undertook to
chsel into this sluggish brain the subtle
humor of the Joke. Its this way" l said.
when a man gets engaged to a girl he's
mighty apt-if he's the right sort OF fell
low-to brush his face against the girls
sometimes, and when he does he, OF
course, has to come in contact with the
powder on her features. See the point?
Bully, amt it?'
The explanation wasn't satisfactory.
She simply turned up her nose" as we
say, to indicate scorn, and replied:
That's about as poor as anything /
ever heard. But If you had touched my
face when / became insane enough to
engage myself 10 you, pa would have
beaten you into a jelly. Don't you ever
dare to tell that joke in company"
/ could not nep thinking how she had
forgotten some things that used 10 hap
pen.
Anybody but a hopeless imbecile would
have stopped monkeying with the Com
mander-in- Chief after what had just oc-
I,,,t I froh \
didn't know when to let gell-enough
alone. l tried her again.
Dear" said. using my most concilia-
tory tones, don't you think It's better
TO marry and be boss than never to have
bossed at all?"
The next time l feel in a funny humor
I'm going 10 amuse myself by throwing
dynamite cartridges against our back
wall This question came very near 10
running me for life.
Her eyes flashed fire for a minute, and
then she paused. She saw that she was
about to fall into a trap whereby she
would confess herself as the head man or
cur establishment and admit that she
was a domestic bulldozer.
IF you mean by your question TO Imply
that / am the boss here" she snapped
out, II will reply that it is far better
never to have bossed at all than TO have
the privilege OF bossing such ching as
you. You are one of those helpless crea-
lures who can't lift a finger for himself,
and vet you run around telling people
about being henpecked. When / am out OF
your sight you are helpless. DIDN'T you
wear one shirt for three weeks when
was I'D in Louisa county with the chill
dren. Just because you didn't have sense
enough 10 look in the bureau-drawer for
a clean one? And If you had found IL you
wouldn't have known how TO put the but
tons in. Didn't you let your whiskers
grow during all that period because you
couldn't stir up energy enough TO md the
soap and get the hot water? Didn't you
allow the cook 20 receive company In our
parlor during that period Of my delicious
absence? Didn't you get the gas turned
off by the city authorities because you
forgot to pay the bill? Didn't you let my
canary go three days without food and
water? Didn't / find five thousand old
newspapers piled up in our sitting-room
when fate drove me homeward TO the pig
pen YOU had established in my household?
Didn't I find ashes all over the house
when | got back, and didn't 1t take me
week to set things right. And lastly,
didn't you write me every day 10 come
home? That's being bossed, Is It? That's
being the poor worm that will ultimately
turn. l suppose? That's being thing OF
beauty and a joy forever to your wife, IS
1t? Oh yes I'm boss; but let me go on
record as saying that 1t is better never
10 marry and be boss at all than TO lean
on such a slovenly old stick as you. Don't
talk 10 me about men. / blush every day
when / remember that pa was one. But,
thank goodness, he was. at least, little
better than YOU"
And with that she swept out OF the
room. The baby was crying and con-
tinued TO howl for two hours thereafter,
but she never lost temper with him.
What a pity babies can't always be
babies!
Some day, when the heavenly hosts
are rendezvoused and the grand distribu-
ton OF prizes take place, he will have
halo around his head and the right OF
way through the golden streets will be
his. He may have sinned occasionally
in this world. but that won't make any
difference--yea, more. he may nave oc-
casionally used strong language when
his collar-button rolled under the bureau.
but even this won't count against him.
Yesterday he did a noble deed that
commentaries for all his shortcomings, II
he has any. Yesterday IL was he who
rendered me S cents when l stood penni-
less on the street-car and glared into the
face OF the cold-hearted conductor.
Reader, gentle. perspiring reader, have
Won ever been In that awful situation!
Have Won ever felt that sense Of desola-
,tor u,htch sweeps over a man when he