The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1898-08-23
MARK TWAIN AS A PILOT.
"Reminiscences of Mr.. Clemens as snag-
Starter and Creek Explorer.
fE,o,, the ST. Louis Globe-Democrat }

(From the st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
"About the only man that I ever knew
to leave the river and go to writing
books,'' said the man at the Wheel, d1-
recting his observations to the usual
crowd that gathered bout him in the p1-
lot house, Twas Sam Clemens. They say
he's pretty rich now, but l understand
ha never runs across an old chum with
ont swapping few lies with him and
paying for the drinks. Sam never got to
be much of a pilot himself, but he used
to know all of them, and write them up
in the papers better than anybody ever
could. He was about rs green looking
creature as ever come from Pike county,
when he was on the old Blue Bird, way
back in the 6fties, and to look at him
you would have thought he wasn't worth
sweeping up, but he could write then till
you couldn't rest, and some of the funni-
est things that ever was printed about the
river was gotten up by Sam.
"The first thing that remember of his
that set every body talking and wondering
who that boss yarn TELLER. Mark Twain,
was, was that account about the great
flood in the Mississippi, in early times,
when the water was over everything, and
Vioksburg and Natchez were the only dry
spots between Cairo and the Gulf. At
New Orleans the boats landed alongside
Of the top story of the ST. Charles hotel.
Well, of course that was the boss flood,
and nobody could talk of old-time boat
ing like that; and so Clemens got to be
too big d man to stay on the river, and.
as said he quit and went to whiting
books. But ha wasn't much of pilot
anyhow. His mind didn't run that way,
and when he was at the wheel she was al
WAYS running over something and get
ting the boat into trouble.
'sHe would just as like as not go sound
asleep on watch, and run the boat into
the bank head on, II you didn't keep a
watch on him, and II there was snag to
be found he would go miles out of his
way just to get whack at it, and he was
never happy unless he was bouncing
something. Why, you would think he
was getting the biggest kind of wages
from the government to just clear the
river of snags, If you'd see how he
hustled them out of the way. But that
wasn't the worst of it, for sometimes he
would lose his bearings. and get lost in
side streams and it would cost the cap
tain half he would make on the trip to
get back to the Mississippi.
lone day the old Blue Bird-that was
the last boat he steered on-got to racing
with the Yellow Hammer, Wabash
packet, and as the water was pretty high.
Sam thought he would show oil by run
ming chute and coming out two or three
miles ahead. Well. in he goes. full tilt,
picking his way through the timber and
keeping his eyes on the limbs that
reached near the chimneys, so as not to
get them knocked overheard. The Bird
was just flying through the woods. and
Sam, he was sweating like bound boy
at husking. And the wheel! You
just ought to have seen it spin; you d
have thought, to look at Sam. that he
was at last doing some diamond breast
he thought he was, but in about two
hours the mate, he comes on deck, for.
as 1t was the second watch. the captain
was asleep, and says to Sam as how he
thought the Bird was going to Memphis
that "trip.
&C THAT'S where we're going,' says
Sam, as soon as he could gather wind
enough to speak.
" Making a side run to Jacksonport,
Gil! oblo UuO AhouO.
" Haven't heard of it, says Sam.
+" Haven't, eh?' said the mate, look
ing at him curious like.
" No. says Sam, pulling the wheel
hard down. so as to bring the boat round
short turn.
F" Then what on earth are you doing
in White River?' says the mate.
&C In White River?' says Sam, turning
white about the gills, and shaking like
he had chill.
&C sThat's where we are, said the mate,
and you are 20 miles from the mouth at
that
s g 'Oh. myp says Sam. I thought
was in chute.
+" Well, says the mate, you'd better
turn this boat around and shoot out of
here before the old man gets up, or you'll
be looking for skiff to get back to the
Mississippi. Do you hear mef'
"Then Sam he turns the Bird around
and hollers down to the engineer, Jack,
if you love me, give her steam
"Well, the mate kind Of liked Sam for
his funny yarns, so he kept 1t all from
the old man till the boat got back to Or
leans, when Sam quit, and that was the
last 0f his rilOtin0 ~