The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1898-02-02
ENGAGEMINTS or MARRIAGE
They Should be- Definite and Brief.
not Conditional and PrOtracted.
Ncfo y0rL SIN.

This letter propounds a question of
crave Importance to society, and in
vitcs discussion which should be of
general interest
''To he Edi!or ~ Mr SIM Sir
What is fathers duty for the hap
piness and welfare Of his daughter un-
der the following conditions? After
four years courtsliip Il gentleman
says that his finances are not suffi
clcnt for hin to marry at present. but
TINT lie will continue his attention
and when the future develops his re-
sources so that he can support wife
he will then marry the daughter. OF
course, this is understood between
them and it is further agreed that if
meantime either prefers another, the
engagement is off, and ho or she can
marry the one of his choice Such
fatuous contract is suggestive. The
dim future is dark with uncertainty,
as applicable to the conditions. Hence
the question.
In recent editorial you strike the
keynote Of my question in saying /:
The superiority Of the tumultuous
youthful passion and impulse Of the
daughters to tho experience and judg-
mcnt of the parents wrecks the happi-
ness of too many homes.
"pATERFAMiIlAs.'
In the first place, nciaher girl her
self nor her parents should tolerate u
four-yeurs' engagement, except under
very extraordinary circumstances. 1t
is injurious to the girl in many ways
and serves no desirable purpose. The
prolonged acquaintance does not tend
to the better preparation Of the pair
for marriage, but rather t. produce
wcarincss in one or The other, which
decreases the probabilities Of eventual
marriage as the time is extended. 1t
is an unnatural relation. AS !. rule.
no man ought to court" Il girl until
he IS in Il situation to marry her he
has no right t" ask her TO become his
wife unless he is already in IL condi-
ton to assume the responsibilities Of
matrimony. Because 4 man has con-
ccivcd an affection for woman he
should he all the more anxious to save
her from tying herself to him in an
engagement Of indefinite duration. An
attempt to biud her by promise Of
marriage at some remote time in the
future, dctcrminablc BY hmsclf only,
is pure sclishncss in him.
y bcthrothal is simply an engage
mcnt preliminary to marriage, and it
should not be entered into by man
until he can see his way to the fulfil
mcnt at the altar. Hence Il bcthrothal
ought to he announced with scarcely
less fornality than the marriage itself.
The jews who advertise their engage
mcnts in the newspapers follow il
proper and desirable course in thus
| making bcthrothal matter Of record
as IL serious an,! definite obligation.
"Getting engaged is grave matter
there is in life few compacts with con
sequences more far-rcaching no man
worthy to be hnsand promises mar
riagc without the determination to
wed tho girl within Il reasonable time.
the sooner the better.
The old way for parents to require
Of man dawdling about Il daughter to
declare his Intentions that is to
sny. whether he was monopolixing her
company and driving off other fellows
with the serious intention Of marrying
her if she would, or simply to crafty
Ills vanity by securing her prefer
cncc. If man expresses his inten-
tion to marry woman at some indcfi-
mite time in the future when it is con-
vcn!cnt for him, it is not bctrothal
1t amounts to nothing. for he makes
no absolute promise. 1t is merely a
conditional agreement, and it is left to
ms own pleasure to settle the condi-
tiOns
In sEc peculiar instance referred to
us there is not even the prctence of q
bctrothal. The young man evidently
wants to play fast and loose. If he is
unable to get some girl he prefers to
marry, he will, perhaps, marry this
young woman, in the course of cter-
! nifty. Such a proposition is an insult
to girl, even if it is accompanied by
the stipulation that she shall have
liberty to do the same. It is not q
betrothal, an engagement, but simply