Arizona republican., 1898-04-07
TOLD SECRETS.
Hell and Heaven or How He Was
 Initiated.

We'll said he, as a thoughtful wrinkle gracefully stretched itself diagonally from his left eyebrow to the right hand corner of the mole on his chin, q guess-yes, I know l would jine again. But I certainly should en- ter into a few stipulations first and foremost But I tell you the banquet was great-it was great. Oh, the 1ni- tiation? You see I am kind O con- fused about my duties as regards now far I should speak about that to a fel- low on the outside. Say, you ought to jine the Mystic. The banquet was great. I tell ye it was great. There was table just laden-no, that isn't the way you paper fellows put 1t, groaning is the word-Just groaning with all the delicacies- -pshaw, don't interrupt me-and the wines were Of vintages away back in the years. Well, wait a minnit. Why, the initia- tion was everything the heart could desire and some more, too. I wonder if I am divulging any of our secrets in talking to you about it at all? But I say I feel that I shall simply bust if I don't unbosom to somebody or something. Wish I was up on the range. Bgosh I'd just yell the whole story into the ears of the mountains. Mountains can't divulge secrets, y'know. I don't b'leeve Pm violating any obligation, however, when I sim
 ply intimate a few of the things that in my humble opinion might just as well have been left out of the ritual as far as I was concerned. And I T. !, F, ' in
 the ritual at all. But I tell you that it was great What did they do to me?
 We'll, just can't hold it in any longer,
 but don't you ever mention my name
 or Pm likely to be morganized, y'know.
 First thing I was blindfolded and
 led somewhere. The most internal noises you ever heard and some of the queerest kinds of sounds assailed me on every side. It began to feel hot, too. and I wondered what that meant
 But, say, I didn't wonder very long. The blindfold was removed and I was surrounded by the toughest looking lot of horned devils I ever saw in pie lures. Dante's inferno wasn't in it for a minnit with that crowd. Just then Gov mean voice away down in its own stomach said to me: Can didate, you are our persimmon. Pre- pare for the worst, because you was a hell-roaring sinner on earth I was in a cold sweat and a not bath com bined. but I didn't have a second for thinking, another squeaky voice in- forming the main devil that there were twenty-three more candidates clamoring for their doses, and just as was planning to think about home n T rushed head first into a seething, boil ing, roaring furnace, pulled through on the other side and plunged into a large tub full of vanilla ice cream. There was a good deal of laugh in this place, but I didn't laugh. Pulled out of the ice cream, I was seated on the ridge Of something and told to hang on. I grabbed the hairy sides of an animal, and say, you talk about initiating space, we did 1t. No. I couldn't swear it was a goat. Didn't see it. It was a thing which could go without wings, paddles or motors and I didn't stay long enough with it to become intimately acquainted
 When we parted company I landed on a sort of toboggan slide and went scooting head first down, down, down until I plunged into what I thought was the middle of Niagara falls Some kind hearted people pulled me out by the hair, but I was rescued from them in time for some more black devils to have fun with me- This they did with the aid of hot pitchforks and warm frying pans
 About this time I gave up and
 was gasping my last gasp, unshriven, when some sisters of charity took me in hand and kindly led me by some secret trails through what seemed to