Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1898-10-03
MAN UNDER THE BED.
By CHARLES b. LEWIS.

When Colonel Northrop retired from
the army, at the age of 30, and set up
In bachelor apartments in town, he had
several things to pride himself about.
He had made an honorable record. No
one in the Northrop family had ever
disgraced the name. His windows were
provided with burglar proof locks Of his
own invention, and he had a sang froid
which nothing could startle him out of.
The colonel was we'll satisfied with him
self and the world at large, and those
who knew him best said he ought to be.
At midnight one night Colonel North
rop came home from his club in his usu-
al good humor, and, finding II couple OF
letters on his table, sat down to read
them before going to bed. When finally
ready to retire, he was half asleep, and
he was no sooner between the sheets
than he departed for the land Of nod.
Just one hour later by the clock he
opened his eyes and sat up in bed, a
thing which hadn't happened since his
boyhood days.
Some sound had disturbed him, but
just what it was he could not tell. The
idea that any sound should thus influ-
ence him aroused his ire, and after a
moment he sprang out Of bed and lighted
the gas. He meant to make a tour of his
rooms and see if his celebrated burglar
proof window locks were all right, but
as he was ready to move he was jumped
a foot high by the sound Of a sneeze un-
der his bed. 1t was a mans sneeze-a
hearty, wholesome sneeze with a note
Of defiance in it. The colonel had boast
ed that nothing could startle him out Of
his everyday placidity, but a mere sneeze
had done it, and he was furious about
it. He dropped on his knees and looked
under the bed, and what he saw was a
man stretched at full length On the floor.
"Ha! You rascal, but I've got your
exclaimed the warrior as he made out
the form Of the intruder.
II guess not, colonel" was the cool
reply.
An army revolver, endeared by old
associations, reposed in a drawer not
far away, and the colonel jumped for it
and said:
"Now, then, you roll out here or I'll
blow your head off,"
go a little slow, colonel" replied
the man under the bed. GIVE also got
a gun, and the instant you stoop down
I'll send a bullet into you"
"You-you will?'
II will for sure, and I guess I'll shoot
at one Of your legs as it is"
Acting on the impulse Of the moment,
the colonel sprang upon his bed, but 10
seconds later he was SO mad to think
he had jumped that he leaped to the
floor with the exclamation:
Come out here now or you are a
dead mani"
"That's all bluff, colonel" said the
intruder. "Pull on your trousers and sit
down and take things easy
The colonel obeyed. He obeyed be-
cause it suddenly struck him that he
didn't look dignifed without trousers
and that he would need them anyway
when he came to escort the man out
doors and hand him over to the police.
He sat down because his knees trem-
bled under him and that very fact made
him boil over with anger and ohagrin.
With the revolver pointed under the
bed he queried:
"When did you get into this room?''
"About II o'clock, colonel"
"How did you get in?'
Through that window to your left.
You thought yourself smart when you
put that wonderful catch on the sashes,
but it did not bother me five minutes.
I wish all windows were provided with
such a soft snap"
II say you never got in by that win
dowl" shouted the colonel, who had re-
peatedly told his friends that he would
give any burglar leave to work Oh his
patent all night.
"Then TIM a liar and you are a gen.
tlemani However, I don't blame you
for feeling a bit sore. / heard Of your
patent and your Boosting long ago, and
I knew I could take you down a peg
when I had a few minutes to spare. 1t
was easy, colonel, dead easy"
"But what are you in here for!'
Robbery, colonel. That's my trade,
you know. I had a pal with me who
took Off a bag Of stuff, while / staid be-
hind to investigate further and was
hidden under the bed when you came
in. l was about to crawl out and go
through your clothes when you awoke."
"Now, then, are you coming out2''
thundered the colonel.
well, hardly-not just yet"
"Then I'll shoot you where you are. z
mo, you won't. The minute / zee
your legs moving ! shall open fire on
them. From where you sit your bullets
can't reach me, while l HAYES dead sure
thing on your legs. Go slow, colonel. /"
The colonel was up ON strategic posi-.
tions, and he realized that the enemy
had all the advantage. While ~furiously
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