The herald., 1898-07-14
Mr.. DOolty HEARS
THE GOOD NEWS
EEHaNHRMzNaMEEnzMnpgu1

Il hear" said Mr.. Hennessy, that tn
stere0pticons on tn newspapers have
sthruck.'
II sh'd think they wud," said Mr.. Dooley.
9TH las time was down town was iliction
night, whin Charter Haitch's big la-ad was
ilicted an they was wurrukin' tn stereop-
ticons till they was black In tn face.
What's tn news?"
''Th' What Cheer, Ioway, Lamp Nv Free
DOM Is on tn sthreets with a tillygram
that Shafter has captured Sandago de Cuba
an Is now settin' on Gin'ral Pandos chest
with his hand in his hair. But this ia de-
MED be tn 'Palo Gazoot,' tn Macoupin
County Raygsther,' an tn 'Merydyan-
street Afro-American.' I also see be tn
Daily Scoor Card tn Wine List tn
Deaf Mute's Spokesman. tn 'Morgue
Life tn Bill Nv Fare tn Stock Yards
Straight Steer an Jacks Tips on the
Races the only daily paper printed in Chi
cago that SIMPSONS fleet Is In tn 6uez
canal bombarding Cades. TIL Northwest
ern Christian Advocate says this is not
thrue. but that George Dixon was out
pointed be an English boxer inla twinty-
r-round go in New York"
we've got things mixed up" said Mr..
Dooley. II get tn news straight. Twas
this way. TIL Spanish fleet was bottled
up in Santiago harbor an they dhrew tn
cork. That's a joke. I see 1t in the pa
apers. TIL gallant boys Nv tn navy was
settin' out on tn deck defndin' their coun-
thry an dhrawin' three ca-ards apiece whin
tn Spanish admiral concluded 'twud be
better f'r him to be destroyed on tn ragin
sea- him bein' a sailor, thin to have his
fleet captured by cavity. Anyhow, he was
willin' to take chance, an he says to his
sailors: 'Spanyards,' he says, Castles
he says, we have ct tn last bed tick he
says, AN If we stay here much longer he
says, I'll have to have steak Off the armor
plate fried FIR ye,' he says. Lave us go out
where we can have a run for our money,
he says. And away they whit I'll say
this much FIR him, he's a brave man.
don't like Spanyard no more than we do,
Hinnessy. 1 niver see wan. But If this
here man was a-was Bohlgaryan, I'd
say he was brave man. If was aboard
wan Nv thin yachts that was converted,
I'd go to this here Cervera an ia say:
Manuel I'd say. 'yeer all right, me boy.
Ye ought to go to doctor an have ye'er
eyes reset, but ye'er a good fellow. Go
downstairs I'd say. into tn basement w
Ia snip, ! u say GAL UPON III SupDodiN
JUS mex to tn head Nv tn bed and fnd the
bottle marked 'Floridy water an threat
yeerself kindly That's what I'd say to
Cervera. He's all right
well. whin our boys see tn Spanish fleet
comm out Nv tn harbor they gathered on
~ deck an sang tn naytional anthem:
They'll be a hot time In tn OIL town to-
night A lift-nant come up to where Ad-
miral Sampson was settin playin' swim up
with Admiral sohley. BILL he says. 'th
Spanish feet Is comm OUT he says.
What talk have yer says Sampson. Sind
out some rowboats an yacht an des-
throy thin. Clubs IL thr,nnps,' ne says,
an he went on playin'. Tn Spanish fleet
was attacted on all sides be our brave
lads, nobly assisted be tn dispatch boats
" the newspapers. Wan be wan they was
destroyed. Three battleships attacked
tn convarted yacht Gloucester. TIL
Gloucester used to be owned by Pierpont
Morgan, but twas convarted. an lie now
leadin' a dacint life. tn Gloucester sunk
thin all, tn Christobal Comma, the Wis
cera an tn Admiral OQuinn. 1t then
whit UP to two Spanish torpedo boats an
give thin wan punch an away they whit.
Be this time the sojers had heerd Of the VIC
thry, an they gathered on tn shore. singin'
tn naytional anthem: They'll be hot time
in tn OIL town tonight, me baby TIL
glorious Oh ohune to which Washin'ton an
Grant an Lincoln marched. was took up be
tn sailors on tn ships an Admiral Cervera
r-run wan Nv his boats ashore an jumped
In tn sea. At last accounts tn following
dispatches had been received: To Will
lium Mckinley: Congratulations ON ye'er
noble victhory. (Signed) Willium McKin-
ley To Russell A. Alger: Ye done
splendid. Signed) Russell A. Alger.' TO
James Wilson. sicrety Nv agriculture: This
is a gr-reat day f'r Ioway. Ar-re We much
hurried? (Slgned) James wilson"
Where did We hear all this?" asked Mr..
Hennessy In great Amusement.
Il Tread It," said Mr.. Dooley. impress
s!vely. I'm the Stats Zeitung.' "-Chicago
Journal