The herald., 1898-11-14
PUPPY DOG TAILS
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In relation to the little diversion of Off
GER Wilson, who kicked Mr.. Walker across
the street because he was not a thief, X. Y.
H., inquiries in agonized italics, SIS there no
remedy!"
Yes; there are several, but perhaps the
following would be as feasible as any: Pro-
cure a large, heart-shaped piece of boiler
iron, attach strap to the upper portion,
and fasten securely about the waist in such
manner as to be hidden under the coat
tails Wear this faithfully in any strolls
you may take in the vicinity of Westlake
park, and it will prove at least an excellent
palliative against the brogans of the park
police who happen to need exercise.
Of course, if you are thug or a felon you
will only be shot or dubbed, but if you prove
yourself an honest citizen be sure to have
your back-door cuirass ready. The energetic
cowhides hang over-or under-you.
Of course it is all matter of sentiment
or mostly all-yes-mostly all, but there is
a Brobdignagian disinclination in the aver
age American to be kicked. l don't know
any pastime l would not indulge in from
preference in place of being kicked across
the street. Officer Wilson would shiver if
he could see the number of jaws that came
together hard and muttered, 81 wish he had
tried it on me-" the other morning as men
read of his little heel-and-toe with Mr..
Walker.
There may be one or two of the aforesaid
tales that had best be taken with a pinch
of salt; not by any means because they are
not veracious even to the last vertebrum.
Truer tales never wagged. But, as will be
seen, they no longer join issue with the
parent stem, and-well, salt is about the
cheapest of the preservatives.
He was a conservative pup, and disagreed
with new-fangled notions from principle. He
didn't care to have his meat hamburgered
through a sausage machine Indeed, local
statistics will prove that he preferred by
far to snatch his lunch fresh off the hoof-
if I may SO designate the feet of his we'll
meaning neighbors.
Bicycles he could not tolerate. Natural
locomotion is good enough for me-" said he,
as he masticated tender sandwich of golf
hose and calf. Fortunately it was sand
wch built on the church social plan though
not much of any meat
But conservatism must ultimately yield
to progress One morning the pup saw just
the style of wheelman he was looking after.
How juicy those flying legs looked. He sal
lied out to enter his protest and incidentally
to ditto his teeth. But this wheelman didn't
believe in that sort of double entry. Sud-
denly he swerved right down on pup,
who tumbled over himself backward at the
unexpected onset. Dog, wheel and rider
were very much mixed for a minute There
was heart-rending crunch, and lo there
lay the pups tail, cut off as clean as if it had
met Marie Antoinette guillotne. Pup
had tried to run it through the small sprock-
ct, but it wouldn't stand the futing
O O o
A dog who wages war on the wheelman is
game for the dog catcher all right: but one
that runs at carriages deserves no better
fate than patent mincemeat.
A friend of mine who drives in a road
cart was greatly annoyed by big New
foundland who always made savage dash
at him as he passed. One morning, by
sudden jump, the horse sprang right over
the dog and, looking down, the driver saw
him right under his seat Reaching down
at him as he passed. One morning, but a
his big hand, he caught the woolly tail with
an iron grip, and then a curious tug-of-war
begar-horse VS.. dog The dog was not used
to this sort of Cooking backward" and pro-
tested dolefully, and the horse, frightened
by the tumult, struck out at 2: 10 gait For
half mile they dragged the dog, who grew
more and more frantic every rod.
My friend says that if that dog sees him
now half-mile away, he will start to run
in the opposite direction with both hands
clapped to the roots of his poor over-worked
tail. But hardly believe that, you know,
myself.
o O O
A young lady in the Harper tract was
passing a neighbor's house and big watch
dog flew out and bit her terribly just above
the knee, and then ran off as suddenly. The
girl screamed for help and the owner of the
brute appeared. He saw she was frightened
at the dog, and very contemptuously he
said to her, Don't be afraid, he won't bite
you." 81 hope not, again." she answered
II. 3. t.