The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-08-26
Ozonic Effects Upon Hanna and
IOueS


ocratic party will hold a national con-
vention in the year 1900. There will
be no primaries for the selection of
delegates to conventions which in turn
will name other delegates who in good
season shall voice the preferences Of
the people in the nomination of presi-
Dental and vice presidential candi-
dates. These matters Of concern to
Intelligent Americans will be dispensed
with, and we may proceed with our
farming and manufacturing and bank
ing, and Wisconsin, with no clog upon
her political activities, can continue
her doodling undisturbed.
All this was settled in the good city
Of st. Paul, in the great state Of Min
nesota, in these United States, on the
night Of Wednesday, Aug. "a, in the
year of our Lord and Master 1898, be-
tween the hours of shutdown and cock
growing on the morning thereafter.
Memorable night indeed in the history
of land of 100000 of people with
more or less marked imperialistfc ten
denotes!
Take map and pick out this mod
est city on the Mississippi bluffs.
i1SC y Jul IiLSSI lISlGO1l, anu YOU nave
indicated to a mathematical certainty
the center of this North American con-
tinent. Accept our humble opinion
that no greater part was ever played
in the history Of the church by our
patron saint himself than is destined,
in the annals Of American politics, to
be played by this blushing city.
Truth is mighty, and has at last pre-
vailed. Scott no longer at the 4OO-year-
old legend that Columbus, when he
set off on the bounding pillows and so
dashed his rudder as to follow the set
ting sun, went in search Of the exact
center OF the universe and was only
prevented from ascending to the head
OF navigation on the Father of Waters
by engagements with his sailors and
the natives of the Antilles, more or
less pressing. Somehow or other he
had heard, while a boy in his humble
hovel at Genoa. that somewhere in the
great sea of Sargasso there was a
spot so blessed with invigorating ozone
that it restored the youth of those for
tunate enough to breathe it, invested
its visitors with divine prescience and
made them full-bearded prophets as
easily capable of searching the future
as Tom Lowry's electric cars are of
climbing the Selby hill Poor old mani
He never reached the Indian mounds
above the cave Of the Kayerderosseros;
never once breathed their life-giving
ozone. That great fortune was re-
served for others. He died broken
hearted, but recent startling occur
FENCES in this vicinity may demand
OF that humanitarian sentiment which
has given us the control of Cuba the
transfer Of his remains from the ca
thedral at Havana to a more appro-
pirate spot in this ozone-laden center.
We are slowly reaching our point,
oh, Republican and Democratic masses;
be not therefore discouraged at the
length Of our prelude
De Leon somehow COMPOUNDED the
ozone tradition with one relating to
| perpetual youth and set out in search
| Of a fountain whereat could be assuag-
| ed a thirst like unto that which follow
| eth a chamber of commerce banquet
or Reform club dinner in the goddess
| town of Manhattan. He, too, died dis
| appointed, and, as we have no further
use for him or his memory we dismiss
| him, his existence being proof Of our
| contention that mysterious Fate, the
great arbiter of events. had her eve
| fixed upon two other noble voyageurs
| slowly padding along the stream of
| time-two distinguished products of the
Vespucian continent who should be-
| come belHed with the famous ozone
and burst into view as the two fore
| most prophets Of the age, pregnant, as
1t were, with predictions concerning
| the futures mighty events. Exit Chris
topher and Ponce. Enter Marcus and
| James, which their surnames are Han
ma and Jones.
Marcus is the chairman of the Repub-
lican national committee. James dis
charges similar function for the ma
| tiopal Democracy when It Ia in the
| fullest and completest enjoyment Of
| poor health. Two Of kind and moth
ing left in the pack to fill out a more
| substantial hand
| William Mckinley will be nominat-
ed by the Republicans in 1900." ouoth
| the former.
William ]. Bryan will be nominated
| by the Democrats in 1900" declared the
| latter.
For the benefit Of the future histo
rian certain facts should here be accu-
rately stated. The characteristic Of the
st. Paul ozone Is its activity and its
impressive strength when In full op-
GRAFTON. A few brdef hours Of inhala-