Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1898-01-03
HE KNEW IT ALL.

HE KNEW II ALL.
1t was said of DR.. Whewell by the wiser
and wittier Sidney Smith that he made
a "foible of omnisciencc."
Just so of my talented young friend,
Baldwin Beard of Chestnut Hill, known
among us at the club as "Baldy." l have
heard that Ralph Waldo Emerson, at the
age of 2, was severely criticised for his de-
ficiencies in reading and, if l remember
Alright, in Latin grammar.
No such painful duty, | am sure, could
ever have been imposed upon any of
Baldy's relatives. 1t is authentic that at
2 he was reading the New Testament and
expressing certain doubts. At 8 he knew
the Declaration Of Independence by heart
and recited it to much parental applause.
At 4 he was erudite and made his father
feel tired. He knew things SO much by
heart that he could give no thought to his
mind. / think his afflicted father was
wrong, however, in saying that he had no
mind for thought. He had-lots. For in
stance, he was always Thoughtful of him
self, as on the occasion when the boat cap
blLtu hHu lo SOu ollOl w ttll VI tilC UNo
paddles and had the f~orethought to smite
his younger brother with one Of them.
Otherwise, you see, he would have been
dragged and drowned to his death. There
is no doubt about it. Badly could think,
and think for himself. That trifling event
occurred when he was 8. He was then
deep in the higher calculus and was pes
tering his father to buy him a telescope.
Mr.. Beard, ST., had been aging rapidly.
At - Badly superseded his parents at TIA
BILE. They were afraid to make any state
ments, even concerning the weather, lest
he might openly disclose their Ignorance
before the other children. OF course ''the
other children" amounted to nothing.
Badly owned the house.
At 16, unsolicited and of his own good
will, he favored the w. G. II. A. with q
carefully prepared address on the "Sum
and Total of Human knowledge" Big
as the subject was he handled it like Il
man.
1t was then made plain that he knew it
all.
That same year Badly went to college,
and he went through the course with fly
ing colors and was graduated with honors
and great applause. Moreover, he was q
member Of more of the fraternities and
wasted no time in the clubs.
After graduation he came back to Phila-
delphia. He was now grown old enough
to know that he knew it all, and his timid
parents realized the fact, and his admir-
ing friends agreed with them.
All save one-Dick Casper.
That is, there was perhaps yet another
who-but we'll see.
Dick Casper was not so fragrant a char
acter as Badly. He had begun life as u
regular infant, and by way of the public
schools had attained a certain prominence
in the law-not knowing it all, but a little
thing or two.
So we have Badly at length advanced to
tho dignity of manhood, so to speak. In
celebration Of his twenty first year there
was a garden party, whorcat Mrs. Beard
looked proud and Mr.. Beard looked like a
~repentent criminal confronted with ire
futable evidence of his guilt.
Casper was there.
There also was Daisy Barrow, in a plain
dress of something white with yellow rib
bons, and she quite obliterated the other
girls and made the pretty landscape look
tame. OF course Badly, being omniscient,
knew a good thing when he saw it. So
Miss Barrow was his ''foible'' for that
day. Not for all the day, however. The
range of Casper's knowledge was not so
broad as n barn door or SO deep as q well.
He was only u big, healthy and very hand
some chap who went in for life and got IL
great deal Of it, skimming the surface, the
cream, MS it were, and not caring much for
the thin stuff beneath.
He was not an invited guest at that
garden party. He simply walked in and
made himself at home. After he had gazed
about a bit he asked of a sturdy but sullen
looking youth who was leaning against Il
tree, n who was none other than the
younger brother who had witnessed
Baldy's clever escape from drowning:
"Who is that fellow walking with Miss
Barrow, do you know"
The younger brother stared a moment,
then said, with considerable bitterness:
"Why, he is the scientific ass whose birth
we are celebrating. He has come of age
today, formally speaking. As a matter of
fact, he was never immature. He was a
distinguished scholar before he wore pants.
l forget how many languages he spoke
before he cut his teeth, but I have heard
one Of his brothers say that he wished he
had been the teeth at the time. 1 infer
that something else might have been cut.
$50 that is Mr.. Baldwin Beardp"
eyes, but we who don't love him call
him Badly for short. All I've got to say
lie, that If you haven't met him you're a
privileged character. l envy and admire
you."
you seem to know Beard we'll"
Ever since he WIS a ripe savant at the
age of 4 and / idiot enough to enter the
same family. I'm his martyred brother.
Good afternoon"
Shortly afterward Dick, when Daisy for
. moment was alone, went to her, and they
talked and laughed together, and the
younger brother thought it rather cool Of
him. Then the hero Of the day returned,
n when made acquainted with Dick he
unbent his back just as an ordinary man
might and was highly understanding.
Dick seemed grateful. The talk ran this
way:
"You have a very pretty place here"
said Dick.
Eyes, yes. It's fair. l propose asking
father to make certain necessary additions !
at once. l need a laboratory"
What are you going to do with itf"
Dick asked.
Badly looked at him keenly, then at
Dalsy. Both faces were calm.
~ propose experimenting, chiefly in
chemistry But / have certain original
ideas which I wish to test with the micro
scope. I am very fond Of dlatoms. !"
Dick leaned against the tree. "Nsvsr
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