Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-07-10
OUT OFF HIS ELEMENT.

This Youth Should Take Trip to Man.
ila-His Witticisms Might Revive
admiral Montejo's Dropping Spirits.
1t took a very short time to ascertain
that the new young man had set out to
he the life of the table He had evil
IDENTITY read books In which table chat
is represented as something kaleido-
scoplc and thrilling, and he was out to
furnish his full quota of glitter. He
beamed around the table once or twice
and then tucked his napkin under his
Chin. He had met only one or two of
the people, but he did not care He was
neither proud nor selfish and talked
loudly enough to give everybody the
benefit Of what he had to say. He was
determined not to let the conversation
get on without him, and he was never
baff1ed by missing links in his chain
of thought.
The member of Congress, with a bass
voice and big mustache said to the
elderly lady next him:
Its rather cool this evening, isn't
it,"
by the way" exclaimed the young
man before she had time to reply, that
reminds me. Speaking of cool, you
know there isn't anybody cooler than
a lawyer. And speaking of lawyers,
what Is the difference between one of
them and a burglar who has just dis
covered tool with which to cut the
bars of his cell? 1T takes little while
to say it, but it's SO clever that it's
worth the time. You see, one files
notice, and the other notices a file"
Turning to the member of Congress,
the elderly lady said that it was rather
cool.
Il hope It hasn't killed all the peach
es," said the man who has moderate
income and does nothing except take
walks and read the papers.
Speaking of peaches" exclaimed
the young man, reminds me of good
one. Peaches always make me think
OF the country, and the country makes
me think of cows and the cows make
me thffiko of milk and milk makes me
think Of Oatmeal. And could anybody
tell me the difference between the gar
ment which now covers my shoulders
and a portion of my breakfast? Now,
I've given you a good hint at that
one
Nobody said a word, and he cheerful
ly resumed: 20, well, l don't blame
anybody for not guessing, although all
these answers seem very easy when
you know them. One is an old coat and
the other is a cold oat''
The member of Congress glared and
the elderly lady elevated her glasses to
get better view OF the new young
man who was looking up and down the
table, grinning serenely.
There was silence for some time The
elderly lady thoughlessly broke in to
inquire of the high school girl:
How did you like the play last
night, dear?"
1T was delightful" she answered
Even If one didn't care for the stars
acting one couldn't help admiring her
laces."
THAT reminds me of a good one,"
the new young man broke forth.
Speaking of laces. what is the differ
ence between a delay in law suit and
the attainment of a graceful feminine
figure. One is a stay proceedings and
the other is proceeding Of stays Amt
that a good one? | know a lot more,
only I make il a rule never to tell them,
unless they fit right into the conyersa-
ton"
Young man." said the Congress
man with bass voice and a large mus
tache, I'm not very good hand at
that sort of thing, but have one What
is the difference between you and Bal
aam's ass"