Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-10-27
Not Always the Same.

Not Always the Same.
His Grandson-"A ration is what
the soldier gets to eat at one meal,
isn't it?'
The Veteran-"It is what he is sup
posed to get. Puck.
What She Was Afraid or
Mamma-''Are you afraid of the
dark, Bessie?"
Bessie-"No, mamma, I amt fwaid
of the dark, but I'm awfully fwaid of
'fings ats in the dark at you tan't
see.
a Histrionic Triumph.
"What did the stage manager say
to you?"
''He said he wished l would act as
emotional on the stage as / do when [
strike him for more salary. Chicago
Record.
Empty Talk.
Higgins Hall-"Have you heard
that empty box story?"
Rustic Bridge-"No."
Higgins Hall-"Its just as well you
haven't; there's nothing in it. ."-Chau-
tauqua Assembly Herald.
A Sure Sign.
Smith-"Brown is evidently fnan-
cially embarrassed"
Jones-"Why do you think sop
Smith-"He is beginning to live
extravagantly and dresses better than
formerly. Chicago News.
Mamma lat the breakfast tablel-
"You always ought to use your nap
kin, George"
Georgie-'T am usin' it mamma.
I've got the dog tied to the leg of the
table with it. Chicago Tribune.
At the Jungle Picnic.
First Monkey-"Did you ever see
an animal change himself into another
auimal?"
Second Monkey--"No."
First Monkey-''Weil, there's the
elephant making hog of himselfp'--
Puck
Fln-dc-siecle.
Old Lady-"Didn't tell you never
to come here again?"
Up-to-Date Tramp-''I hope you
will pardon me, madam, but it's the
fault of my secretary; he neglected to
strike your name from my visiting
list. Tit Bits.
Way TO Learn.
"The only way for man to learn
all about women is to get married"
"And study the ways OF his wife,
eh?"
''Naw. Listen to what she tells
him about the other women. In
dianapolis Journal.
An Iil-Drcd Dog.
Mrs. Faddle-"I thought you war;
ranted that dog l bought of you we'll
bred?"
Dog Dealer-"So it is, num-"
Mrs. Fadde-"Oh, no, it isn't; it
bolts its food in the most vulgar man
ner!"--Pick- Me Up.
just Like Her.
First Domestic" -"There's Mrs.
Cameron, that you live with, over on
the other side of the street."
Second Domestic -"Gracious! I
hope she won't see me. 1t will be just
like her to go and get q bonnet like
mine. boston Transcript.
One of Many.
Thompson-"You look pale and
thin, johnson. Why will you persist
in killing yourself working night and
day such weather rs this?"
Johnson .'I am trying to earn
money enough to pay the expense of
weeks rest in the country. New
York Weekly.
Cross Examination.
Attorney-"You reside-?"
Witness-"With my uncle"
Attoruey-"And your uncle lives
-"
Witness ,-"With me-"
Attorney-"EHoctly. Andyo both
live-?"
Witness-"Together. New York
Journal.
Beneath Contempt.
Mr.. De Broker--"I am defaulter,
and L want you to defend me-"
Great'Lawyer-"Certainly, Mr.. De
Broker, I'll get you of all right. Have
no fear. How many millions is it?''
Mr.. De Broker with dignity
"Sir, [ am short only few thousand,
and l hope to pay that some day"
Great Lawyer Ito Office boy)-
"James, show this vile scoundrel the
door"
Self-Saoriiice.
A small boy belonging to family Of
five came into the house one day with
five stones, which he cheerfully ex-
planned were to be tombstones for each
member of the family.
Later his little sister, counting
them, said:
Here is tombstone for father
dearl Here is the baby's; but there