The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-06-27
Mr.. DooIey Wants
an Army Of Mules
From the Chicago Journal.

From the Chicago Journal.
II see said Mr. Dooley, ''th' first
great land battle iy tn war has been
fought"
-" was that" demanded Mr..
Hennessy in great excitement. Lord
saw is, but where was that"
TIL Alger guards" said Mr.. Dooley,
"brug firm tn coral where they had
thin tied up attn thistles an med a
desp'rate charge on tn camp at Tampa.
They dayscinded like a whur-rl-wind.
dhrivin' th'astonished throops befure
Thin an thin charged back again, COM
pletin' their cared iv destruction. At
tn las account tn brave sojers was
climbin' threes an tillygraft poles an
a rig'mint iv mules was kickin' tn pink
silk linin' out iv tn officers quarthers.
Tn gallant mules was led be a most
courageous jackass, an tits undher-
sthud hat me frind Mack will appint
him a ~brigadier gin-ral jus as soon as
he can find out who his father is. 'Tis
too bad he'll nave no childher to per-
pituate tn fame iv him. He whit
through tn camp at tn head iv his
throops Nv mules without castin' a shoe.
He's tn biggest jackass in Tampa to-
day, not ixciptin' tn cinsor, an | doubt
If they'se a bigger wan in Wash'n'ton,
though / cud name a few that cud thry
a race with him. Anyhow, they'll
know how to reward him. They know
a jackass whin they see wan. an
they see a good nanny in that peaceful
city.
'Th' charge iv Tampa'H go into his
thry as tn first land action iv tn war.
An. be tn way, Hinnissy, II this here
sociable is FIR to go on at tn prisint
rate, I'm sthrong to arm tn wild
ARMY mules an tn unbridled jsckasses
iv tn pe-rary an give thin a chanst TO
set Cuba free. Up to this time tn on'y
hero kilt on tn Spanish side was a jack
: that nnIaH nm Anr nhntra III hat
thries at Nationals FIR to hear what was
goin' on. Behold say sampson, tn
insolince iv tn foe he says. Form
in line iv battle an hur-rl death an
destruction at yon Castilyan ginral.'
Wait says an officer. 1t may be wan
" our own men. Ii looks like tn sicrety
w Hush says tn commander. 1T
can't be an American jackass, or he'd
speak, he says. Fire on him. Shot
afther shot fell round tn intrepid ass.
but he remained firm till tn dinnymite
boat NesooNyus fired three hundred an
forty thousand pounds ~ gum cotton at
him. an tn poor crather was smothered
to death. Now. says I. CIV these Tam
pa mules a chanst. an We'll have no
need " wastin' ammun-nition. Prop
erly led. they'd go firm wan end iv
Cuba TO tn other. kickin' tn excelsior
out Nv livery stuffed Spanish gin'ral
firm Bahoohoo Hoondoo to Sandago de
Cuba. They'd be no loss iv life. The
sojers who haven't gone away cud
come home an get cured Nv tn measles
an tn whoopin' cough, an tn cholera
infantum befure tn public schools opens
in tn fall. an Everything wud be peace
full an quiet an prosperous. Tn officers
In tn field at prisint is well qualified FIR
command Nv tn new ARMY. an IL
they'd put binders on tn mules they
wudden't be scared back be wan Nv
thin Spanish fleets that a jackass sees
whin he's been up all night. secretly
stuffin' himsilf with silo. They'd give
wan hew-haw an follow their leaders
through tn hear-rt iv the innings
country. But give thin tn wurrud TO
git ap an they'd ate their thistles I'M
her tn guns iv some oil MORO castle
befure night.
"Ye don't see tn difference. says We.
They amt my Nv tn leaders. As
efficient a lot iv mules as liver exposed
their ears. TIL throuble is with tn
rank an file. They're men. What's need
ed to carry on this IA as Ii goes to-
day is an ARMY iv jacks an mules.
Whin We say 70 a man: Git ap. Whoa.
gee. back ~, get alang,' he don know
what ye'er dhrivin' at or 10. But a mule
hears tn orders with a melancholy
smile. dhrooPs his ears. an follows ais
war-rm. moist breath. Tn ordhers
firm wsshinton is perfectly compre-
hinslhle to a jackass. but they DON
nan anything TO a poor, foolish man