The Republican journal., 1898-07-28
KANSAS WIT AND HUrlOR.
from the Atchison Globe.

The younger the boys who 90 calling,
the later they stay
A man looks five years younger when he
leaves barber shop.
| No man is thoroughbred unless he
| owns two umbrellas.
! The devil is a good deal more watchful
at picnic than the chaperon.
| There is nothing more ridiculous than
an old person trying to act young.
| This is the season when man realizes
| what little satisfaction there is in getting
mad at fly
! The further man goes into the coun-
try these days, the further he gets from
fly screens and ice.
When you call on anyone, and he says,
Hello, where did you come FROM he is
not glad to see you.
1t is pretty safe rule to go by that
when all the papers don t refer to man
as prominent, that he is.
There are women engaged in sewing for
the soldiers whose husbands have to buy
| their paiamas ready made.
her mother is abused but after she is
seventeen, the girl is abused.
People who pet dogs at this season,
yearn to get off by themselves shortly
atterward, in order to scratch.
When a man hunts up d reporter these
days, it is to tell him that he is kin to
Dewey, Sampson, Shafter or Hobson.
The people who have relatives in the
klondike have moved onto the alley until
those who have kin in the army subside
When a woman tells a hired girl story
TO her company, they wonder how often
her husband has been compelled to hear
it,
When woman begins to talk of her
''sphere, look out for an increased inter
est in politics, and less interest in cook
ing
Whenever we want to get cooled, we
walk into room where pair of lovers
are sitting, and take a chair, ard sit a
while.
Don't forget that worry kills as surely
as consumption. Tie only difference is
that you can break yourself Of the worry
habit.
If a father calls his twelve-year- old
child at nine O clock at night, and asks
that be go TO bed, some people call it a
''roast.
BY the time a man GETS a few dollars
saved up Tor his old age. he is told that
his daughter has talents which should be
cultivated.
The linen pants tile men are wearing
are more comfortable than shirt waists,
for the reason that there are no corsets
uncer them.
/ is very creditable in so many women
in the United States taking up Red Cross
work; the costume ism becoming to any
one over sixteen.
When there is company, the boy of the
family usually says something that results
IN his mother giving him flag raising as
soon as the company has gone
1t is easier to open a can of corn than
to prepare dozen ears of fresh corn. For
this reason, some women argue that the
canned corn is better for you
woman has terribly strong instinct
IN an affair of the heart. If She could use
the same genius in ferreting out murder
ers, she would soon be a bondholder.
Doctors keep rich sick man alive long
er than poor one, but that is the only
difference Both die when they get good
and sick, and the poor mans doctor bill is
less.
1t is great pity that Uncle Sam didn' t
put a revenue stamp on kisses, and make
= 1S1T ti.lT,
already costs the girls more than they can
ever pay.
man who works hard all day paws a
great deal of attention to what he will
nave to eat at night He hasn't had his
appetite spoiled by any pink teas or
luncheons.
An Atchison woman wasn't satisfied
until she had married her daughter in
several stations above her, and now the
glrIs father is heart broken because he
has son-in- law who snubs him.
in addition to the long lists of heroes to
be honored, cont forget the farmer who
has stuck SO faithfully to his harvest field
that he doesn't know yet that a lot more
Spaniards have registered in hell
q woman writes this office to ask W hat
her l5-year- old boy is to do in the even
ings. She says that if he buns around
with other boys he gets tough, and if he
calls on young girl, he gets tender, and
the result is more fatal. What is the mat
ter with the boy going to bed?
The world is full of trouble for the
women, An Atchison man noticed that a
youns lady looked pale and distressed
this morning, and asked her if she was
sick. She replied that she was perfectly
well, but she was worrying for fear new
shlrr waist she had put in the wash might
fade.
There is cooler at this office in which
the John of the office every morning
puts piece of ice. Fully three people
every morning step to the cooler to get
drink and grumble because the boy 'didn' t
put any water in the cooler, and walk
away without getting drink. The fourth
person puts the water in.
Mrs. Lysander John Appleton is the
chaperon at more parties than any other
woman IN Atchison. Mrs. Appleton will
leaVe her dishes in the pan to go off to
picnic and sit on the damp ground, and
smile lndulgently at young people who 90
OH oy themselves to fiirt. 1t is an easy
way to get the reputation of being lovely
character. A the danoac tho hove damon