St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1898-11-12
ABAKER'S DOZEN
BY William M.lt.r Cook

1I HAD long been pet theory OF
mine that if a traveller could get
out of that mysterious country from
whose bourne he is supposed never to
return, and could come back in the
flesh and circulate among his friends
MS in life, he would experience great
many surprises, more or less apper-
tanning to him and to his affairs.
little thought it would ever come
within my experience 10 test this novel
theory, but it so happened, and the at
teniant results were simply appalling.
Being blessed with an extremely
large fortune, / was able to ride a
number of very expensive hobbies,
among them that of mountain climb
ing. / was passionately fond of this
dangerous sport and would endure
hardships innumerablc in order that
/ might indulge in it.
Beginning with Mt. Blanc, / had
worked my way up to the Jungfrau
and the Matterhorn, and it was during
the latter climb that q couple of
guides and myself dropped over a
precipice and were supposedly lost.
Consciousness left me at the time of
the accident. had sustained injuries
20 severe that my mind was affected
for weeks, and when at last I awoke
TO realization that / still lived I
found myself in little Swiss chalet
and experienced the unique sensation
of reading full account of my death
in a Paris newspaper.
1t was grim joke. but ] decided to
enter actively into the spirit Of it. In
a few days I departed, incog-, for
France, and shortly afterward took
ship for America.
Somewhat in doubt as to how the
extensive fortune of supposedly de-
ceased bachelor might fare, l resolved
to aequaint my solicitors with the fact
that l had not. MS was commonly be-
lieved, gone over to the great majority,
and so head off any premeditated at
tack on my heaped up dollars.
Messrs. Tort and Trapleigh were
greatly amazed, OF course. and when
their astonishment had worn off
little | noticed coolness-not very
pronounced, indeed. but thoroughly
patent to my sensitive self-in their
treatment of me. I was nonplussed
for the moment, but my wonder was
soon set at rest by Mr.. Tort, who con-
Quoted me to a private room and then
put the astounding question:
..Mr. Baker, are you related in any
way to brigham Young?"
Related to Brigham Young?" ]
gasped. "Mr. Tort, you're crazy!"
AT least you're Mormon? Please
assure me that you're Mormon, and
that you did it purely out of religious
conviction and nothing else"
did what?' asked in bewildered
way.
aIs 1t possible you don't know that
You have been married 13 times, and
that y bakers dozen of women are
wearing mourning for you this blessed
minute, and have each filed individual
claims for your large estate?"
'Marricd-13-times echoed.
Exactly; and each one of these
widows seems to have proven a clear
case against you."
laughed loudly aad reached for my
hat.
''Where are you going?' asked Tort.
ssTm going back to the Matterhorn
and full over another cliff" replied:
''better death in some foreign land
than annihillation at the hands of 13
widows. Unhand me. Tort"
"Bc quiet. then," warned the solic-
itor. .'Sit down. Be man. Re
member you cannot possibly be a hus
band to all of them. Wen weed 'em
out. II we succeed in narrowing them
down to one. you can placate her by"
.Never. Give me liberty, Tort, or
rive me death. Those are my senti-
ments."
] ..Hush, not so loud! There's one of
them Just come; into the outer Office.
They drift in all day long. by ones and
twos. We keep clerk specially to at
tend to them. Would you like to talk
with this one? She is No. 9. Shall I
send her in?"
! sYes," + returned. desperately; 81
would like to have her give me some
Send her in
And in she came. 1t was Miss de
smet. fat. fair and forty. / knew her
we'll. She gave scream when she
saw me, and began to fiutter her
hands
Don't faint" requested, in voice
pf forced calmness. I'VE are old
friends, Miss de Smet. but had no
idea that we had entered the holy
bonds OF matrimpny. cannot recol-
lect ever having married you. Still,
may have done so in moment Of tem-
porary alteration. VIII you please
state where it was, and when, and why
cou have struggled along all these |
years Is Miss de Smet rather than as
Mrs Baker,"
s%Oh, dear, Mr.. Baker" she walled, |
Il have been hypnotized. and the sight |
II you mas just brought me out of my
rance. Where am 4? What are you
taIkinR about? / have been hypno-
ized. 1 know have"
And she bolted out of the room.
was beginning to get just little |
and rather to enjoy my |
strange situation, 50 when Tort an
lounced that four more had just come
d, ! requested him to let me look 1T
hem unobserred. Perhaps ! would
,ecoRaixe some more Of my old friends.
4 vsatslstor = tes partition ss.s