Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-06-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMoR OF THE DAY.
"Papa?" "Well?" "How tall il
the man who is above criticism?"-
Judge.
"Do you think that stimulants would
hurt me, doctor?" "Not if you leave
them alone. detroit Free Press.
Jack-"I want to marry my op-
posite." Maud 81 don't know of any
girl bright enough to suit you"
Judge.
"Baffiedl" muttered the great de-
tective. He threw his wife's dress to
the floor and strobe gloomily from the
room. Judge.
Foreman of Torrent Engine Com
pany gazing at the smoking ruins, but
speaking cheerfully)-"Well, boys,
we saved the engine!'
She-"Love is like sea-sickness.
He-"Why?" She-''Because you
can have it awfully and yet can't de-
scribe it. Detroit Free Press.
Jasper "They say that Hustler
made fortune in the Klondike." +"
Jumpuppe-"Yes; he carried fools up
there and carried wise men back. -
Puck.
Mrs. B.-'The lady Dabbs is going
to marry is highly intellectual. She
speaks three languages. Mr.. B.
(condolingly)-'Poor Dabbs. ."-Bos-
ton Traveller.
''Pa's got nawful temper" said
Jamie. 81 tried t. sand-paper my
pencil on his chin while he was takin'
a nap, an he woke up an got real mad
about it. Judge.
A Quaker once, hearing person tell
how much he felt for friend who
needed assistance, drily observed:
"Friend, hast thou felt in thy pocket
for him?" -Tit-Bits.
"Ain't 1 little bow-legged?" asked
the dubious young man. "Bow.
legged?" said his tailor. "rho idea.
Your lower limbs, sir, are absolutely
without parallel. indianapolis
Journal.
"Well," said the adjuster as he set
down his valise, 81 investigated that
Wigglesworth death claim" "How
about it?" asked the president of the
company. Straight as die. I'm
dianapolis Journal.
Duml ow-''Tell Closeist I want to
speak with him, will you?" Bogstow
ST don't want to disturb him now"
Dumlow--"Why not?" Bogstow-
Hes counting money, and l shouldn't
care to interrupt him at his devotions.
-Roxbury Gazette.
''My son wants me to buy him
trolley line, and think he would make
a lawyer. In the one case he would
cut people up, and in the other merely
pull their legs. What would you sug-
gest?" "I'd make doctor out of him.
Then he can do both Puck.
High Priced Doctor-"You are now
convalescent and all you need is exer-
else. You should walk ten, twenty,
thirty miles day, sir: but your walk
ing should have an object" Patient
-"All right doctor. I'll travel around
trying to borrow enough to pay your
bill. ."-Standard.
He Wondering if that Williams has
ever been accepted) both your
rings heirlooms?" She (concealing
the hand )-"Oh, dear, yesl One has
been in the family since the time OF
Alfred, but the other is newer and
(blushing) only dates from the con-
quest. Harlem Life.
Mistress-"Why, Bridget, you sure
ly don't consider these windows
washed?" Bridget-"Sure washed
'em nicely on the inside, mum, so ye
can look out; but L Intentionally lift
thin little dirty on the outside so
thin aignorant Jones children mkt
door couldn't look in. Truth.
Dinguss-"Old man, you've accom-
modated me a great many times, and
L wouldn't strike you now ii it wasn't
matter of absolute need. I'm suf-
fering fer the lack of $40" Shadbolt
reluctantly handing tover) whats
the trouble, Dinguss?" Dinguss-
"My wife has got her heart set on
'9S wheel, and I need the $40 to make
the first payment on it." Chicago
Tribune.
He (desperately)-"Tell me the
truth. Is it not my poverty that stands
between us?" She sadly -"Y-e-s."
He with ray of hope TT admit
that am poor, and so, unfortunately.
is my father; but 1 have an aged uncle
who is very rich, and bachelor. He
is an invalid and cannot long survive"
She-"How kind and thoughtful you
are! Will you Introduce me to him?"