The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-06-19

thing on the side, preferably milk
punches. It seems to run in the mind
of the writer that once upon time a
clerical gentleman, carrying some such
name as the doctors, and residing in
his present, locality, fell under the in
fiuence Of those. seductive but soporific
ckurched by his deacons. who undoubt-
edly, themselves, possessed some
knowledge of the power of the beverage
mentioned However, that was long
before the war and anterior to the
doctors recent important interview.
Then, again, the Rev. DR.. r. S. Mac
Arthur, of New York, seems to be in
spired with the knowledge that the AL
mighty has thrown the Philippines at
our feet in order to compel us to work
the savages down there into some sort
of a spiritual leaven. God knows that
the United States has certainly demon
strated, in it's work of dealing with the
native American Indian, what the ma
ton can do With savages. A few are
said to have been saved. spiritually,
and some have been saved corporeally,
but an awful lot of them are dead; and
that is condition In which they ap-
pear to be most acceptable to the aver
age American citizen who has inherited
the Indians domain.
The Rev. DR.. Thomas Dixon is an
other inspired divine. He also, Is of
New York, which seems to hold a null
tltude of one kind as in the hollow of
the hand. He has. likewise, opened his
thorax to declare that the sugar trust
is all that keeps Hawaii out of our
domestic fold. But he intimates that,
in the impressive language of his ma
tive state Of North Carolina, he knows
''doggoned" well that the sugar trust
won't be "in 1t" with the Almighty in
the final disposition Of the Sand
witches. Good luck to the sugar trust,
we may add. if this is one of it's mis-
sions!
Now seriously, wouldn't 1t be a good
idea te@organize draft brigade Ia vol
unteer call would not be effective) of
some Of these lingo doctors Of divinity
and transport, them to the Hawaiian,
the Philippine and the Canary islands;
Hrst, to indulge in little solid bush
Whacking, and, after the conquest, to
take up the work of rehabilitation on a
highly moral plane? DR.. Fulton, when
he got started in the preaching cam
paign, would promptly drive many of
the natives into the sea, and that would
be the end of them! Death in the
deep blue sea, or any kind of death. In
fact, would surely be justified as the
means of terminating prolonged asso-
citation with the, doctor. DIR. MacAr-
thur dear, beautiful man that he is,
is so captivating, and his bewhiskered
charms aresso unutterably fascinating,
that he verify would have all the Phil
1pp1ne women at his feet They would
concentrate round about him with the
same eagerness with which moths
| candle; and it goes without saying that
they would be Immediately spiritualized
and transformed to the angelic state.
They couldn't help it.
After the exploits of DR.. Fulton and
DR.. Macarthur. all that might remain
Of the natives would doubtless be killed
at the muzzle of DIR. Dixon's gun during
that excellent gentleman's pursuit of
his favorite pastime of shooting young
robins. He would not have to plead
Ignorance Of the law there in connec-
ton with the shooting of the robins
He would be a law unto himself and
could send back smile of whitening
contempt across the limpid waters
Of the Pacific to the authorities of
Staten Island. And thus the conquest
would be complete
Something ought really to be done to
relieve these reverend gentlemen of the
congestion of tomfoolery from which
they appear to be so acutely suffering