Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-01-21
KANSAS TOPICS.

Lax II a ditVats l
KANSAS TOPICS.
Who can think of a more horrible job
than serving as attendant in the incurable
ward of an insane asylum? John Graham
is the name of a ST. Mary's man who spent
time and money getting a Job under the
Populist administration. Finally he was
assigned to a place at the Osawatomie
asylum and went there very much pleased
with his success in becoming a part of the
state government. The day of his arrival
he was assigned as attendant in the incur
able ward. The next morning he appeared
at the superintendent office, white about
the lips and shivery about the knees and
rendered his resignation. He said he
wouldn't spend another night alone among
the maniacs for a quitclaim deed to the
whole of Kansas. He is now contentedly
following the pillow in P~ottawatomie coun-
ty.
It has been printed time and again that
ex-Judge Heren. of Osborne county, intend
ed to become the law partner of ex-Gov-
ernor Altgeld in Chicago. The Osborne
News authoritatively denies this. 1t says
Judge Heren is going to Chicago to prac-
tice law. but not as the partner of AlIgeld.
as that gentleman has no intention of re-
turning to the practice. The story proba-
bly, originated from the fact that Judge
Heren's father was the law partner of Alt
geld in Missouri.
Old man Elder continues to bemoan the
poverty of the downtrodden serfs of Kan
sas. He recently declared in his Ottawa
Times that the Populist vote fell off about
30, 900 last fall because the poor devils did
not have shoes to wear to the polls. How
ever. the old man is more conservative in
hiS c of fpt1rpc than tho nrJtnnr- pom.
ulist. John Heaston, of Council Grove,
who was a Populis candidate for congress
once upon n time. made n speech in that
town during his canvass in which he placed
the poverty in Kansas far beyond the most
horrible dreams of old man Elder. why.
my fellow citizens" said he, there are at
this very minute 100000 homeless people
in Western Kansas who are crying for
bread"
Commenting on the coming and going Of
q soap and medicine show. the Canton
Champion says: I'VE have always believed
that Kansas was the healthiest state in the
Union, Mcpherson county the healthiest
in the state. and Canton the healthiest To-
cality in the county; but from the amount
of kidney and liver medicine that has been
sold here in four days we see that nine out
of every ten of our citizens were just tot
tering on the verge of an early and I'M
timely grave all on account of their kidneys
and liver being out of whack. At all times
of day or night you could see all kinds of
people, the rich and poor-principally the
poor-fat and lean. short and tall, male
and female. all homeward bound with a
bottle of kidney and liver remedy under
one arm and a package of herbs under the
other. And from the amount of soap sold,
Cantor must have been one of the dirtiest
towns on the face of the plOhe-h
Frank Grimes is officially out for state
treasurer. He says he will be content to
make the race once and ask nc further ia
vors.-Western Kansas paper.
Frank Grimes is out, that fine young man;
He never ran before;
He says he'll run Just this one time
And never run no more.
People don't treat Cy Leland fairly. When
Irgalls wrote his burning letter everybody
said: That's ingalls, all over; that's the
old man through and through; but when
Cy's answer appeared they said: Wonder
who Cy got to write 1t for him. As a
matter of fact, Cy wrote his own reply.
He may have got Joe Bristow to edit the
cuss words out, but that shouldn't count in
tn weighing of its originality.
49,
Gem from Colonel Major Jeltz: We have
ptcu IL III SWSpdlDtI siIle loIs ehouSH
to understand a sensible man from a fool.
Another gem from Colonel Major JeltZ:
All men are honest when they are not being
accused of crime. They laugh and rejoice
and wipe their hands and talk nice, and
they will do criminal acts, too.
Still another gem from Colonel Major
Jeltz: If a man gets into n fight he must
pay for his folly. We have always advised
the young men of this city not to resort to
desperation only in self-defense.
Want = to = know-how = many plates to-
set item from the Eldorado Republican;
Mr.. and Mrs. Thomas Benton Murdoch will
celebrate the twenty-fifth anniversary OF
tEeir wedding at their home on Walnut hill
Saturday evening. January %. 1895. to which
their friends are invited. No other invita-.
ton than this will be extended to friends
residing in the city. Those expecting to be
present will please send written acceptance
at once.
The Salina Republican has discovered
that ''oligomerous notifications of poly.
chaetous annelids," which appears on the
menu card of the Mystic Shriners' ban.
Quet, simply means raw oysters"
The u Courier says that Weep
ing Moses Householder has about decided
not to become a candidate for the Populist
. nomination for governor.
How temsus goes fugit,' say Ben
Murdoch. in a few more days We viii
/ have to confront out 45th birthday Tht
records show that Benton Murdoch wa:
made lieutenant in the army in 1864, and
therefore. he must ave received his com
mission at the early age of II years. II
passing 1t may be remarked that the rec
ords also show that Bentop Murdoch cal
shoot the long bow better than he eve
y could a gun.
Kansas made a great deal of fun Of Ok
lahoma when she adopted into her code tn,
maritime laws of Arkansas. but that wa
no worse than in the case of the city coun