The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-04-28
, AN ANCIENT MARRIER.
By Pleasant Riderhood.

centenarianS and other oldest inhab-
itants,' of sturdy old men carrying
around with them memories of another
century, men who had been-or thought
they had been-hear hunting with Dan
iel Boone, or men who had cut-or
thought they had cut-the first stick of
timber where a great city now stands;
of sprightly ladies who, at the ripe
old age of no, can still spin, dance the
nip uet, read the Bible through sever
a or more times year without spec
Eacles, and walk ten miles a day uphill,
20 say nothing of the amount of talking
they are still able to accomplish.
Somehow the Pelican state has been
strangely remiss in presenting her
claims in such matters. If our ancient
worthies-or worthy ancients-haven't
been brought before the public it has
certainly not been from the lack of
subjects. Among our citizens, especial
]y in the Creole parishes, are num-
bers of splendidly preserved specimens
of old age. 1t has been said that plenty
of our Cal uns live to be as old as the
famous She, so old that they either
blow up the chimney or turn to autumn
leaves.
There's one thing that can be said
for Louisiana, she undoubtedly bears
the palm for having produced the old
est bridegroom on record-that is, on
the records of modern times. OF course,
we don't count those frisky, 5OO-year
old chaps of antiquity, who seem to
have spent all their leisure hours win
s.ning new brides.
The fine old southern gentleman of
whom l write, lived, moved and had his
being in Onachita parish, and did his
fradin' at the little village of Trenton.
Though he has long since been gathered
to his fathers, his memory is still green
in the hearts of the people of that sec
ton.
In his early days, when frolicking
along in his 7O's and SOS, this gentle
man had led several blushing brides
to the altar-how many l won't say for
fear my veracity may be questioned
Any way, we are not concerned with
his early nuptials. We have to do only
with the wooings following his hun
dredth birthday, for he was married
two or three times after that period
and there's no knowing how many
more times the bridal ceremony would
have been performed for him had he
not been snatched off in his prime
Mine ancient-whom we will call Jerry
Gristle, simply because his name was
not Gristle-was known far and wide
in this part of the country as the
champion marryist of the age. And
finally the people came to take a great
Hatural pride in him, pointing him
out to passing strangers with as much
pleasure as if he were the Bridge of
Signs, the Mammoth Cave or the Mis-
sissippi river.
None knew the exact age of Jerry
Gristle. Some said the family Bible
wherein was recorded his birth was de-
stroyed in a steamboat explosion in
100, but the schoolmaster of the set
Element said there was evidently an
anachronism in that statement. don't
know what he meant. Others again
declared he was 500 years old. He
didn't contradict this, but never quite
believed it.
Many very old people display unbe-
coming vanity over their old age, Civ
ing themselves airs, and taking all the
credit for their longevity, but l am
happy to say that Jerry was not pulled
up with any such silly pride. He bore
his honors meekly. But candor com
pels the recital of few facts I'd fain
conceal, if not painfully conscientious.
We all know there are several things
required of every oldest inhabitant.
many things besides his great age In
fact, custom has given us a standard,
up to which every applicant for Oldest
inhabitantship should come. In the
first place he is expected to have nursed
Washington, to have lived on cold water
and raw leaves and deerskin for six
weeks at one time, when lost in the
forest where the state capital now
stands, and, if southerner, to have
waded across the Mississippi at New
Orleans when that brook was yet wad-
able, and to have been the only sur
vivor of the Alamo. All of these duties,
I'm ashamed to say, were shirked by
my oldest inhabitant, though in eX-
tenuation of the Alamo neglect of duty,
he claimed to have been too old to par
ticipate in the Mexican unpleasantness.
Indeed, it has been said that his eX-
treme age during the revolution pre-
vented his flying around with Paul
Jones or skipping down steps with "Old
Put" But that is evidently an exag-
geration; for he certainly received a
pension for his services to the young
republic. Then jerry left undone many
things he should have done; if he had
had particle of regard for the feelings
of his biogIapher. He never took out
the first patent for a cotton gin, never
Travelled in the first steamboat, never
started the first newspaper in the
United States. In another way did he
fall below the conventional o. *. stand
ard. He should never have used to-
bacco in any form, and should never
have tasted drop of whisky in his
life. How delightful to be a recorder
of such virtues! But, alas! that delight.
fulness is not mine. He used the vile
weed in every known form, and it pains