The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-06-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Why isn't the bookkeeper's lunch
the bite of an adder?
Dividend-What the stockholders
get after the directors divide.
There are some women who enjoy
making q martyr Of themselves SO
much that they fairly dissipate in it.
Whom you're angry count hundred;
This is wisdom, so they say
For 1t gives the man you're mad at
Lots Of time to get away.
Chicago Record.
Dorthy (eating q seedless orange)-
"Oh. mamma, what do you think!
Here's an orange born without any
bones in it."
"Mother, asked little Johnny, peer
ing in between two uncut leaves of the
magazine, chow did they ever get the
printing in there?"
Jean-"There are two things wo-
man cannot keep very long" Marie
,-"And they are?" Jean-"A secret
and diary. ry."-Standard.
According to Missouri Coroner's
jury, the deceased "came to his death
by being struck by railroad train
in the hands of receiver. Crypt.
Living Skeleton -'They say that
new freak gets five hundred week.
What is he?" Armiess Man-"He's
deaf and dumb prize-fghter. Judge.
Out in the grass upon the glade
SOma littla lambs Won meet
While others on the board of trade
Make merry In the wheat.
ID etroit Free Press
81 should think some of the detec-
tives would make good North Pole ex-
plorers. "WhyP" "They are used
to looking for what they can't find. >
Puck
"There is German proverb which
says: No looking glass ever tells
woman she is ugly" 'No sensible
man ever does, either. "-Cleveland
Leader.
The Camel Ito the Polar Bear)-
ooh, l don't know! You're not so
warm" The Polar Bear-"Well, 1
don't see what you've got your back
up about. ."-Standard.
Miss Cordelia Summers upon pre-
sentation of some flowers by young
pupils) Eyes, children, this is my
birthday. You see am getting old
very, very old" Children (enthusi-
astically)-"Yes, ma'aml'-Truth.
Haven't I told you," asked the
father, "to always tell the truth?""
eyes, you told me that, +" the young
man admitted, "and at another time
you told me never to become the slave
of habit. indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Call-'It's too bad of you,
Ethel, to worry your mamma so."
Ethel (aged five, tearfully)-"Oh,
well, Mrs. Call, if you'd lived with
mamma as long as l have you'd know
which of us was to blame. Judge.
"And your daughter painted this
beautiful picture?" Mrs. Uppstart-
"My daughter paint it? No, indeed!
Her teacher did the work. Consider
ing what we pay him for lessons, it
was the least he could dol"-Boston
Transcript.
Customer-"If you ever send me
another piece of meat like the last one
I'll take away my custom" Butcher
WHATS the matter with it?" Gus
why, it was so tough that
when it was cooked l couldn't get my
fork even into the gravy. "-Standard
Little Boy-"How soon are you and
Sis goin' to be married?" Accepted
Suitor-"She has not named The day
vet. hope she does not believe in
long engagements" Little Boy
"She doesn't, 1 know, cause all her
engagements have been short. -
Standard.
Silas (who has just proposedl-"Ye
think, then, that ye don't want ter
marry me?" Sarah-"Well, Silas, l
don't like to hurt your feelings, but
-" Silas-"Sayl ye needn't ans
wer me to-day. Just wait till get
my new suit Of clothes. want ye to
see me in them!"-Puck.
Jack (tenderly, to little brother of
adored one Would you like to know
a secret, Tommy?" Tommy-"Should
think would" Jack-"Well, I'm in
love with your sister" Tommy-"Oh,
that's no secret. The family has talked
about it every day since Aunt Emma
promised Nell she'd bring about an in'
PRODUCTION. standard.
The Prevailing Language.