Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-29
BY A 40-F00T FALL.
Drummer Alighted ON St0nes-WOuld
Have Been Killed Had He
Been Sober.

From the New York Sun.
Talk about the luck Of drunken men,"
said the man from B~inghamton. I've
seen enough of it to believe that it's i'm
possible for one to hurt himself under any
circumstances. We had an instance Of this
a few weeks ago up in our town, and you
can bet your life that the only reason the
man wasn't killed was because he was
drunk.
have to cross a bridge over the Chenango
river. The river runs right through the CEN
ter of the town, and the bridge Is about
but when the water is low little islands OF
small stones dot it for miles. Right under
the railroad bridge there's one OF these
little islands. about 100 feet across. It's
never entirely covered except in the early
spring.. when the water is very high.
We'll, IN the night of this occurrence
signal dead in the center Of the bridge 1t
seems there was a in one OF the
sleepers who was bound for our town: he
had gone to bed paralyzed drunk. but had
fore the train arrived. The fool porter
so;ge to to f fha hIIar Until r5 sse t 5a ru Mas Just in.
shouted 'B~inghamton! Hustle up there;
Forgot to call you before!' and darted
Walked up out of a deep sleep. the drum
mer chucked his clothes on in about, thirty
seconds. and started down the car, bag IN
1sEf as ah ba s stiIl to ~ sSe d ss5eep Phe than tra,n aS same
to a full stop. He didn't. though; He
flung open the door and stepped out into
u" sW PtaaA' that Paa'f fellows How; feelings were you
can imagine. He must have thought 1t
was a new kind of jag he had; Down.
PUNK right in the middle of the island.
He wasn't missed until the train pulled
into the station Then the open door told
trem Shn1e Staggered Ttafy ed into to the station to re-
port the matter to the agent. The latter
was a bright hustling fellow. and he i'm
and the lunch counter man. With the por-
ter and the train conductor they ran down
to the river bank. clambered down to the
water. cut the painter. Of a rowboat that
was tied to a tree and put out.
They shouted at the top of their lungs.
but got no response: They looked in every
one. Finally the porter made out a figure
"'Fo' de Lord! he exclaimed. 'dere he Is
"The station agent ordered the baggage
men to pull for the island. When they got
mer sitting on a rock near the water. The
agent in great excitement cried out:
".My God, sir. are you dead or alive?'
Then a faint, uncertain voice said:
"'Shay, If this is B~inghamton, I mush
shay y'have the damdest longest steps I
ITS a fact hat beyond a few bruises
been hurt at all. We took him up to the
hotel. filled him with whisky. rubbed him
Town with liniments, and then put him to
bed. The next day he was around selling
his goods as though nothing had hap
pened.
IF he'd been sober that night it's a
ten-to-one shot that he'd been killed by
that fall. How he escaped without a
broke limb or a fracture of any kind is
one Of the mysteries that there's no solv-
ing. 1 just attribute it to the luck Of the
drunken man"
The Anaconda and the Clodhopper.
From the Criterion.
A C%lodhopper. on his way through the
forest, by mischance trod on the tail of
an Anaconda, which flashed around on him
and said:
worm will dog
"I-I-thfnk So" said the Clodhopper.
"WeIl." the Anaconda continued, ITS
a long worm that has no turning, and this
one is now going to do his turn saying
which he threw a coil around his victim.
Now" said he, lone good turn deserves
another" and there were two coils around
the unfortunate one. "One more!" shout
ed the snake, land you are lone to a turn!"
Which remark turned his victims stom-
ach, and to continue the narrative further
would be impolite.