davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Alleged Humor.

1.-THE late EDITORS wife is something Of
humorist. Indeed ?""Yes; took line
from his original salutatory and placed
it on his tombstone" "What was it ?"
1--WE are here to stay Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
Judge-Were You ever up before the
Court rramp-Can't say. Judge. What
time does Your Honor git up?-[Spare
Moments.
Lady lin general store)-Havey you any
powder? 2" New Clerk - Y SIN. What
kind-gun, baking, or face ?"-[ Chicago
News.
Ticket Inspector-"How old are you.
little girl?' Edna-"You will have TO ask
ma. She always takes charge OF my age
on the railway r Tit Bits.
Out Sleigh-riding Why, Jennie. your
cheeks are blue vii cold" sa,d Reginald.
mo; I'm blush'pg" said Jennie; that's
my blue blood. = Harlem Lite.
Commercial Trrms-"What is invest
ment, grandpa?' well it is giving a
man n SIS dinner, and then selling him a
$4,000 bill of goods" - Detroit Free
Press.
Boys" said the school.teacher, "who
can tell me George Washington's motto ?"
Several hands went up. "Pnilip Pe,k-
aisle. you NAV tell. ""When in doubt, tell
the truth. "-[Detroit Free Press.
Miss Beacon -" Wasn't it Admiral
Porter who said. Take no quarter from
the enemy'?" Mr.. Lake-"Naw. it could
not have been-or, il it was, he's the only
porter that ever said such thing
truth.
Fick-"Call him a musicianl Why, he
doesn't know the difference betwe a
n"cturne and symphony" Flack-
You don't mean it'll" And they hurry to
get away from one another. Each is
terribly afraid that the other will ask
by the way. what is the difference p
BOSTON Transcript.
Quick Retribution = Mamma (excit.
edIyl =" Never mind, Harold; God will
punish Tommy for striking YOU" Har-
ODDS Brother-"H has punished Tommy
already, mamma" Mamma-"How do
YOU know?" "'Cause just now busted
his drum Tor him Truth.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

IAN old story In a new dress.)
Good Farmer Brown in DAYS long past
HIS lot beside a stream Ind cast.
And much good cash had he laid down
Bv selling chickens In the town;
Prime. plumD and tender we're they all,
And brought him prices never small.
But sad to tell there sometimes came
Wild floods that well deserved the name;
They carried off iul many a co D,
And hus curtailed his ch ckrn soup.
For manv years he bore this well,
Until ut last worse luck befcll
So wild and high the waters ran,
He found himself a chickenless man.
Angry at this was Brown indeed.
And sought lawyer with all sp,ed
II want to sue the State" said he.
Then danced the lawyers eyes with glee,
And. writing down the farmers name,
He sal !. We'll sir. Its hear your claim"
with burning cheeks the farmer told
HIS losses from the water cold.
Concluding. with an angry brow,
Justice Is what I'm after now"
"Jmstice!" the lawyer said in scorn,
she died my friend, ere GU were born.
You may say the water took yopr chicks;
Well, rivers often play those tricks"
but come continued Farmer Brown,
While deeper grew his wrathiul irown,
You must. say. a way provide
That may be unidentified;
Somebody. now. I'm bound to sue,
To get again " hat is my due "
The lawyer smiled. and said, "Oh we'll,
Put up fifty and III tell
How you this trouble may elude
And circumvent those waters rude"
The good man paid the fifty down.
For lair and square was Farmer Brown,
Then said the iawl err. " it'll q smile,
my rule beats Justice by a mile"
And with d wink that rivarled Puck's,
lie softly said. MY ri:nds raise ducks!"
-lClara Denton, in Youths Companio
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
A Funny Little Cub Bear.

In March St. Nicholas Meredith Nu-
gent has Leaves from the Sketch Book
OF an 'AnmalArtist.'" Mr.. Nugent
saws:
The funniest model in my experience
was q cub bear; and during his studio
we laughed more than we worked. v lille
his antics were very amusing. it was the
indescribably lunny expression he always
wore which kept the studio in such a
state Of hilarity. "Unbeknown" to us,
one dav he got out; and. walking along
on his hind legs in a ridiculous shuffl',
eifectualy blockaded the hallway, until
we came to the rescue of the frightened
people. 1t was not the only time he fell
into trouble. When we first came into
possession of little brun we sent the stu
do boy with large market basket 10
bring the treasure uptown. The boy
was cautioned to be very careful Of his
charge-in fact, he was cautioned too
much. On the elevated railroad train
that boy fairly ached TO get look at the
bear, and so opened the lid the TIM, st bit.
and peeptd in. Instantly the animal
thrust his whole head out. to the great
astonishmcnt of the lady passengers,
among whom he created a small panic.
1t is needless to say that both bear and
boy were put off at the first stopping
place.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Training Animals for Circus Tricks.

There is never time in the life OF an
animal trainer when he is absou' ely safe,
but these men learn to forget their dan.
ger, Tor it becOmts as much part OF
their daily lives as eating or sleeping.
Take the case OF an elephant.man Tor in
stan,e. One swing OF that huge trunk,
one thrust oil the big tusk, or one mis-.
step OF The ponderous loot would SIND
him to his death. There's always within
reach the power TO kill him, and often
the desire. but he keeps his elephants
afraid OF him all the time, aud they dare
not do what thev might like.
The veteran elephant-train,r who has
been in charge OF the herds OF Barnum &
Bale! S circus for so many years is SAID
to have accumulated enough OF the
worlds goods to be accounted a compar-
atively rich man. Yet the love OF his
work keeps him at it year after year,
taking his life in his hands perhaps a
dozen times day without the slightest
hesitation. His usefulness in this work
would end the day he showed any fear Of
his charges, and yet he is no drawer than
you or | when other animals are in
question.
Perhaps the most interesting trained
performers. because of the apparent dam
ger that surrounds them. are the lions.
tigers, and eopards. One trainer used
to go into steel barred cage with lions.
tigers, and leopards. and make them
form pyramids. lie would lie down on
them, and take all kinds of liberties with
the dangerous creatures. But there were
invariably halt dozen other keepers near
the cage with rawhide whips, hot irons,
and pistols close at hand in case OF
trouble. Even then there were several
instances OF the animals turning on him,
and in one case-that OF the big linn
Wullace-the Snowman had his arm
badly injured before he could be rescued.
The secret Of handling all beasts OF the
cat species, so the anima,raners say,
is to keep them constantly afraid OF you.
I he instant ,h y get over their fear. they
will attack any one who crosses their
path. They are all treacherous, too, and
often gather courage for an attack when
the masters eyes are turned away from
them, although they would not dare re-
volt il he faced them The tigers are the
worst of the whole lot, too. One never
knows when they will get over their tear
and spring at the keeper from behind
| Harper's Round Table.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Fads of the Mo ment.

Chenille-dotted Brussels and Ia Tosca nets
are in vogue for evening wear. The dots arc
black or colored OH black grounds and are
spread at intervals as upon wells or follow
O dcsign-a sun-burst, scroll or some such
device.
A ball toilette of charming style was devel-
oped in black Brussels net scattered with red
chenille dots in sun-burst pattern and worn
over red silk lining. The net skirt is circu-
lar, with gathered back, and the foundation
skirt is cut in seven cores. The bodice is
pouched all round, the neck being cut Pom
padour. A folded belt Of red satin ribbon is
shaped to the body and clasped in front with
jet-and- Rhinestone buckle The sleeves are
made in short puffs. Wide red chiffon with
satin edges is gathered in a frill for the neck.
The top is shirred to form self-heading and
the rest flows over the bodice both back and
front like Bertha frl.
A white chenille-dotted net may be made
over black or colored lining and white lace
trimmings could be introduced.
La Tosca net 6ouncing in black and colors
bears many tiny ruffles Of Mechlin lace, with
silk cord matching the net scrolled above each
frill.
Waists and skirts are made of these houno.
ings.
Many graduated rows Of black MORE strip
ing black mousSeline de sole produce the effect
of ribbon.
A combination of shirred black velvet and
jet spangled net distinguishes dressy all
black hat The velvet is draped over the
crown and the net is wired to form voluted
brim. admirable in effect over a Pompadoul
couture. At the left side rosette Of the
velvet fixed against the crown with Rhine
stone pin sustains four tips and waving
Paradise aigrette.
A lapel color and short peplum with flutes
at the back give character to another Russian
blouse-jacket having removable chemisotte
From The Delineator.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
A Clever Trick.

1t certainly looks like it, but there is
really no trick about it. An> body can
try it who has lame back and Weak Kid
neys, Malaria or nervous troubles. We
mean h. can cure himself right away by
taking Electric Bitters. This medicine
tones up the whole system, acts as a
stimu ant to the Liver and Kidneys, is a
blood purifier and nerve tonic. l. cures
Constipation, Headache, Painting Spells
Seeplessness and Melancholy. 1t is pure
ly vegel able, mild laxative, and re-
stores the system to it's natural vigor
Try Electric Bittcrs and be convinced
that hey are miracle worker. Ever,
bottle guaranteed. Only SOC. bottle Al
Flint Bros Drug Store.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
A Story of Emperor William.

A pretty story of the late Emperor
Frederick is told in one OF the German
papers. Some years ago. shortly before
the death OF the old Emperor Germany,
tall handsome gentleman jumped into
a first class carriage OF a local railway
at Berlin just as the train was leaving
the station. An old flower seller, with a
basket of newly-cut hyacnths, was the
occupant OF the compartment. He asked
the old dame TO sell him bunch, and,
Modified by his suave manner, she chose
the freshest and largest, and handed it to
him It's price was penny, but, as the
gentleman had no coppers and the old
woman no change, not having sold any
OF her goods vet, she was paid with a
mark piece, which. as she said at once,
was a thing never heard OF before in a
third.class carriage.
Presently the stranger and the flower
seller were deep in converse ion. and it
turned out that the poor woman was
the bread-winner of family OF four.
Her son was crippled, her erandd lighter
a little school girl, and her husband had
Tor sore months past been out OF work,
since new railway official had dismissed
him as being too old 10 do much work.
The stranger then suggested that she
should apply on her husbands behalf,
to the railway authorities.
Tint is no good whatever" she re-
piled. as she wiped her tears with her
apron. III you haven't the Pope Tor
your cousin, now a.days, you can't get
anybody to listen 10 you"
Then try the Emperor" the stranger
went on.
"Alas!" she sighed, "if the old gentle
man was allowed to see the petitions
that are sent, it might do some good
but he does not get to know about us
poor people,"
"Well. then, let your husband write to
the Crown Prince"
YES" she said, "he might do that, "
and she would tell him SO as soon as she
had sold her flowers.
BY this time the train had got to the
terminus. Theold dame bundled out her
basket and noticed with astonishnent
that the officials and the crowd on the
platform looked at her carriage and sa.
luled and chetred
whats up?" she asked.
"Why, the Crown Prince was in the
same compartment with YOU"
Then the flower-seller held her head
high aud told the delighted crowd every
syllable that had happened. Her flowers
were sold before five minutes were over
and fortnight ailerward her husband
was at work again in his old place.
lPall Mall Gazette.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Women,s E0lbles.

A very dainty trimming, which some mo.
distes will use for fronts and others for the
front and back covering OF silk blouses, Is Of
white or black mlousseline de sole set with five
narrow, finely anticipated frills OF the mate
rial, each plating being headed with traccry
vines embroidered in white on black, in black
IN white and in shaded heliotrope or pink
with green foliage either on white or black.
The fancy for bayadere or barre effects
will induce many modistes 10 apply the frills
horizontally.
MousSelsne de sole and chiffon, though still
much in request have rival in chfonette
which Is almost as transparent yet more dur
able, besides having IN alluring simmer and
CLEAN. 1t is obtanable IN plain and dotted
varieties and is likewise crimped and accor-
don-plaited.
Chl6onette gagfrd is adaptable alike 10 skirts
and waists and the eject in on entire costume
Is admirable.
A black chiffonette gown may be made up
In style planned for evening wear with any,
thing but sombre effect
Already shaped for application upon q rust
ling foundation are skirts of chffonette, ac-
contemplated and crimped, with applied
Vandykcs at the bottom in colored chiffonette.
A waist OF chffonette, either white or corre-
spending in color with the Vandykes, may
accompany the skirt
Similar skirts of black net rich with Jet,
bead and spangle embroderies are the envy
Of shoppers whose purses are not equal to
the cost of such CONNECTIONS.
Coquettish and youthful is a soft hat not
unlike Tam-O -Shanter formed of tan felt
plateau. A bow of black MORE ribbon is
fastened at the right side and larger one
rests against the left side, where the plateau
is draped to produce high effect, two black
tips towering above the bow AT the back
two tips are fastened with steel pin to a
band and fall on the hair with graceful effect.
Revers may be used or omitted on jacket
blouse with short skirt as the wearer elects,
and the blouse may be closed TO the throat OF
worn open to the belt, as preferred
Black velvet and satin ribbons and black
satin folds are used In variety of ways
From The Delineator.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Decay Of the Sunday School.

Tn the March Ladies Home Journal
Edward Box writes on 1.-THE p,cay OF
the Sunday School," and points out the
reasons therefor. III have in mind" he
says, mot less than wclve different men
who are acting as superinlendent' OF our
Sunday Schools Not one OF these men
has even suggestion OF force; not a
spark Of personal magnetism, not per.
sonal possession which goes to draw
children TO him or to the school over
which he presides. In FIVE Of these cases
the men have been failures in business
by men in the outer world they are
passed over, and yet the church places
them in positions which call preemi-
nently for every element which they so
distinctly lack. To be successful head
of a Sunday School calls Tor man with
the instincts OF leadership; man who
will muse lie int o the school; hope and
courage into his teachers; who is fertile
OF mind and infinite in capacity; who
can draw oh ldlen to him am retain their
interest. Not only must he elevate his
children in spiritual sense, but lessons
of the highest morality must be taught {;
an influence refining to mind and natu e
must be exhaled and all the time the in
terest of the children must be arrested
and held. Infinite variety OF method
must be sought. The young quickly tire
OF anything which long remains the
same. and That is why they are firing of
the Sunday School. 1t has too long re.
manned the same. 1t has fallen into a
rut. and the FAULT lies between the pre-.
siding spi' its Of the school who have no
ability Tor their positions. and the
churches who have plac, d them there or
allow d them to remain" Mr.. Box con.
cludes his discussion with the assertion
that "the average Sunday School of
to-day is rebuke to intelligence and a
discredit to the church"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
A Desirable Farm for Sale.

For sale the farm known as the Mar
shall Clifford farm, situated in the east.
ern part OF Danvile, VT, and about two
and one.half miles from the Post office in
St. Johnsbury.
Said farm contains aoout one hundred
and sixty-6ve acres of land we'll divided
into tillabe and pasturing land, the till.
age land being under high state Of cul.
tivation. 1t has fine sugar orchard Of
about twelve hundred trees, fair sugar
house, with all the sugaring utensils.
1t has an extra nice farm house new
within few years, two story and ell,
good set Of barns, all in good repair.
I will sell this farm ut very reasoable
price and give the party buying an easy
and favorable chance to pay forit.
TIC. FLETCHER,
97Main St., st. Tohnsbury, Vt.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
All Sorts.
For Over Fifty Years,

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup has
been used by millions OF mothers tor heir
children while teething. II disturbed at
night and broken of your rest by sick
child suffering and crying with pain OF
cutting teeth, send at once and get a
bottle OF Mrs. Winslow's Soothing
Syrup" for Children Teething. 1t will
relieve the poor little sufferers immediate
ly. Depend upon it, hers, there is
no mistake about it. 1t cures diarrhea,
regulates the stomach and bowels. cures
wind colo, soltens the gums. reduces
Inflammation. and gives tone and energy
to the whole system. Mrs. Winslow' s
Soothing Syrup Tor children teething is
pleasant 10 the taste. and is the prescrip-
ton of one OF the oldest and best female
physicians and nurses in the United
States. Price twenty-five cents bottle.
Sold by all druggists throughout the
world. Be sure and ask Tor Mrs. Wins
low Soothing Syrup"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

The contract for the construction OF the
storehouse. company kitchens. and fence
which shall enclose the camp ground of
the National Guard at Fort Ethan Allen
has been awarded by Quartermaster
General w. n. Gilmore ami Gov. Grout
to Charles l.. Woodbury. OF Burlington.
Work upon the buildings will be COM
msnced as soon as possible.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
A Card.

We. the undersigned. do hereby agree
to refund the money on fifty cent bot.
tie oil Greene's syrup Of tar il it fails to
cure your cough or cold; we also war
rant twenty FIVE cent bottle to prove
satisfactory or no pay.
A. [. RANDALL. &C. BINGHAM,
FRANK 6. LANDRY. FLINT Bros,
BoyNToN & EASTMAN, A. F. WALKER,
d. c. HARRINGTON, West Danville.
L. D. STILES, St. Jnhnsbury Center.
!. B. ROGERS. Walden.
o. B. CUTTING, West Concord.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
The Car Of all the Russias

not so potent in his dom Mons as is
Cleveland's lung healer in the realm oil
coughs and colds. 1t has been aptlv
termed 1.-THE Monarch Of the Worlds Ex-
pectorants. So great is the conf ience
OF the proprietors that they sell every
bottle on positive guarantee. No cure,
no pay. Your money back il you want
it. Call on Boynton & Eastman SO and
3S Eastern avenue and get trial bottle
tree. Large bottle, 25c.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Buckien's Arnjca Salye.

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever
sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains,
corns, and all skin eruptons, and posi-
lively cures piles. or no pay required. 1t
is guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction
or money re unded. Price 25 cents per
box. For sale bv Flint Bros.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

George 5. Pingree, a former resident OF
Montpelier, has just been ppoin, ed trav-
cling passenger agent Of the Chicago,
Rock Island and Pacific railroad com
pany. He first began railroad work at
Montpelier Junction.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

The garbage is collected every Monday
morning on the street in which the D--s
live. One morning little Helen D. pro.
posed discarding Tor good rag doll, OF
which she had grown tired.
81 think. mamma" she said. "that III
put it out for The garbage man to carry
off He can take It TO the garbage WIZ
man. and she can fix it up Tor the little
garbage children to play WITH Har-
per's Bazaar.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

Relief In Six Hours.
Distressing kidney and bladder disease
relieved in six hours by New Great
South American Kidney Cure" 1t is a
great surprise on account oil its exceeding
promptneSs in relieving pain in bladder,
kidneys and back, in male or female. Re-
lieves retention OF water almost immedi
ately. II you want quick relief and cure
this is the remedy.
Sold by c. c. Bingham, 81 Main ST.,
Druggist, st. Johnsbury, Vt.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
$500.

DR.. E. Detchon's Anti Diurtic may be
worth to you more than 500. if you
have child who soils bedding from in.
confluence o. water during sleep. Cures
old and young alike. 1t arrests the
trouble at once. 81.
Sold by {. c. Bingham. Druggist, 81
Main ST., st. Johnsbury, VT.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

Conclusion - Sportsman (who has
bagged nothing and is bargaining for a
Observation-Disclosures That rat her
high, isn't it? Shopkeeprr-Ah. but ste
what splendid place it's been hit
TPick-Me Up,
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

Allow cough 10 run until i, gets beyond
the reach OF medicine. They often say,
"Oh. it will wear away" but in most
cases it will wear them away. Could
the, be induced to try the successful med
icine called Kemp's Balsam. which is sold
on positive guarantee TO cure, they
would Immediately see the excellent effect
after taking The first dose. Price 25c.
and Soc. Trial sig. free. At all drug list s.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
To Cure a Cold One Day.

Omaha has opened a 100000 post
office.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets.
All druggists refund The money Ii 1t tails
to cure. 25 cents.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Relief In Six Hours.

American type Is generally used in
India.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1898-03-09
Some Foolish People

A snow avalanche Tuesday at Quebec
killed tour.