The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1898-04-17
40 A BAKERS DOZEN o.
BY WILLIAM WALTER COOK.

1t had long been a pet theory of mine
that if a traveller could get out of that
mysterious country from whose bourne
he is supposed never TO return, and
could come back in the flesh and circu-
late among his friends as in life. he
would experience u great many sur
priseS, more or less appertaining to him
and to his affairs
| little thought it would ever come
, WITHIN my experience to test this novel
theory. but so it happened. and the at
tendant results were simply appalling
Being blessed with an extremely
large fortune, / was able to ride
number of very expensive hobbies,
among them that of mountain climb
ms L was passionately fond of this
dangerous sport, and would endure
hardships innumerable in order that /
might indulge in it.
Beginning with Mont Blanc. had
worked my way up to the Jungfrau and
the Matterhofn, and it was during the
latter climb that a couple of guides
ana myself dropped over precipice and
were supposedly lost. Consciousness left
me at the time of the accident / had
sustained injuries so severe that my
mind was affected for weeks. and when
al last j awoke to realization that l
still lived, 1 found myself in a little
Swiss chalet and experienced the
unique sensation of reading a full ac-
count of my death in a Paris news
paper
1t was a grim joke. but l decided to
enter actively into the spirit of il. In a
few days I departed, incog, for France,
and shortly afterward took ship for
America.
Somewhat in doubt as to how the ex-
90
ceased bachelor might fare, l resolved
to acquaint my solicitors with the fact
that | had not, as was commonly be-
lieved, gone over to the great majority,
and so head off any premeditated at
tack on my heaped-up dollars.
Messrs. Tort & Tarpleigh were
greatly amazed, of course, and when
their establishment had worn off lit
tie l noticed a coolness-not very pro-
nounced. indeed, but thoroughly patent
to my sensitive self-in their treatment
of me. | was nonplussed for the mo-
nlent. but my wonder was soon set at
rest by Mr.. Tort, who conducted me to
private room and then put the as
founding question:
Mr.. Baker, are you related in any
way to Brigham Young?"
Related to Brigham Young?" Il
gasped. Mr.. Tort, you're crazy
'At least, you're a Mormon? Please
assure me that you're Mormon and
that you did it purely out of religious
conviction and nothing else"
Did WHAT" 1 asked. in a bewildered
way.
rs it possible you don't know that
you have been married 10 times. and
that a bakers dozen of women are
minute, and have each filed individual
claims 10 VOur large estate"
Married-13-times? I echoed.
Exactly: and each one of these
widows seems to have proven clear
case against you"
/ laughed wildly and reached for my
hat.
Where are you going?" asked Tort.
I'm going back 20 the Matterhorn
and fall over another cliff" I replied.
Better death in some foreign land
than humiliation at the hands of 13
widows finland me, Tort"
BE quiet, thenr' warned the solicit |
tor. sit down. Be a man. Remember |
you cannot possibly be husband to all |
of them. Well weed EN- out. If we
succeed in narrowing them down to |
one. you can placate her by
Never! Give me liberty. Tort, or
give me death. Those are my senti-
ments."
Hush, Not so loud, There's one of
them lust come into the outer office.
They drift in all day long. by ones and /
twos. We keep a clerk specially to
attend to them. Would you like to
talk with this one? She is No. 9. Shall |
1 send her in?"
Yes" 1 returned desperately; "I
would like to have her give me some
Send her i'm
And in she camel 1t was Miss de
Smet, fat, fair and forty. I knew her
well. She gave a scream when she saw
me. and began to fiutter her hands.
Don't faint" 1 requested in a voice
Of forced calmness. I'VE are old
friends, Miss de Smet, but l had no
idea we had entered the holy bonds of
I cannot recollect ever
having married you. Still. / may have
done so in a moment of temporary alb
erration. viii you please state where
it was, and when, and why you have