The mirror., 1898-09-08

bein' in hurry. Dis mus be someiin'
mos partic'lar."
"Oh, jes' been walkin' little fas'. 1
amt showed my speed yet"
"Whut you been a runnin' away
f'un?"
zone er.uh-one er desc hyuh i'm
munes."
"Yous been runnin' away FUN a
p'liceman. Dat's whut you been run
MIN away f'um."
"Miss Ann Matilda, does you know
whut an immune ls?"
81 dunno's l could expressly it wifi
exactness."
"Well, an immune is one er desc peo-
pie dat aim li'ble ter ketch muffin. An
dat's whut dis p'leeceman is"
An old Irish lady thought she would
like to know what the probable expense
of her funeral would be, as she desired
to arrange for it, being considerate
enough to wish to spare all trouble pos
sible to her heirs. She told this to a
lady friend.
1t must be added that the dear old Ia
dy stammered.
So, my dear, sent for Mr. Brown, the
master of some livery stables in the
town Of-,and S ss-s-said to him, MIR.
Brown, what would you charge for
funeral? Idon't want plumes and all
s-s-s.sorts of things, but a nice plain
hearse, without any n-n-n-nonsense.
How much ?, and, my dear, he named
such SIS s. sum that Isaid, Th-th thank
you, I'd rather walk spare Mo-
ment
Many stories have been told of Man.
chester man who is supposed to be the
we'll, to put it humanely-plainest man
in England. But we think the following
is the funniest:
Mamma" child was heard to say
in an awestruck whisper, after pro-
longed survey of the peculiar features
of the guest, ''that gentleman's NAM
ma must have loved children very,very
much"
"Why so, my dear?" inquired the un-
suspecting parent.
ooh, returned the child in the same
audible whisper, "cause she brought
him up"
The following comes from Sweden:
A minister who had applied for va
cant pastorate went to the parish to
preach trial sermon, as is customary.
While at the hotel he engaged in con-
versation with commercial traveller.
On being asked what the object Of
his visit to the town was, the CONNER
cial man replied:
"Oh, am here to sell few goods by
sample"
Upon which the minister said: "In-
deed, then we are both here on the
same errar d, for l preach sample SER
mon at the church tomorrow"
"I take off my hat to you then, sir"
said the drummer. "You travel for a
much better house than l."
A funny story is told of Princess de
P. who with some friends went to the
Neuilly fair to see the sights.
Among the attractions was a show
of trained tleas, who danced, pulled
little wagons of paper and performed
other tricks. The last number of the
performance was an exhibition of the
strong flea of the troop, who was to do
some heavy lifting, but instead made a
jump and landed on the beautiful,
white neck of the princess and then
disappeared.
The princess blushed, but offered
kindly to return the truant to the own
er, who respectfully, showed her into
private apartment. In a short time
she returned, much pleased, and hand
ed the little animal, which she carefully
held between her beautiful fingers, to
the owner. But this gentleman, after
short examination, exclaimed: "Mon
Dieu, mon Princesse, this is not my
Hercules. This is wild tiea."
O*O
One of the boys writes home from
the South that about the funniest thing
he has seen was among the rough riders
while they were preparing to make the
invasion of Cuba. There was partic-
ularly handsome white bronco in camp,
but he was so wild and so averse to be.
ing tanned that there was very limited
demand for his services as war horse.
But one of the cowboys saw prize
in the wild creature and was glad to
get it. He had no sooner mounted than