Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Someone, blaming a little girl for her
extravaganza, said: You should not burn
the candle at both ends "Wby, is not
that the way to make both ends meet:'
retorted the child.
The Hon. Sir NJ. Grant Duff, who
noted down this repartee in his Diary
mentions also the following good riddle:
when the day breaks, what becomes Of
the pieces?' ''They go into mourning"
The following are among the items Of
pleasant gossip to be found i'll The
Diary"
An English peer coming out OF the
House of Lords, met Disraeli for the first
time since he became Lord BeacOnSfeld.
How do you like this placer asked
the peer.
well" was the reply, 81 feel that I am
dead, but in the Elysian fields!''
At a meeting in Exeter hall Bishop
Wilberforce spoke ~eloquently, and at the
close Of his address the people began 10
go away. A gentleman, who according
to the programme was TO speak, said 20
the bishop:
81 need not speak. l hardly think they
expect me-"
"To be sure they do retorted the pre-
late; don't you see they are all going?'
An English duke, while being shown
the collection Of birds in a museum, asked
the name of one of them.
That's a howl" said the attendant.
"a what?" exclaimed the duke.
"a howl" repeated the man, with even
more distinctness, W%hereupon a bystand-
er, seeing the cause of the dukes mySti-
f~ication, said, "Your royal 'ighness, e
says hits a howl."-Youth's Companion.
'"Yhey have given me the heaviest part
in the new play?" You don't say so!
What is it like?" 81 have to catch the
big, fat leading lady when she faints in
the fourth act.'-Philadelphia Evening
Bulletin.
"Once upon a time there was a chaplain
in the navy" said the naval officer, and
he had a queer idea about the conduct Of
a naval officer ashore
You see, he went to a clothing store
and bought a suit Of clothes.
"'We allow Is per cent. off to clergy
men," said the salesman.
"Thanks,' said the chaplain. will you
nave the clothes sent to the navy yardT
care you a chaplain in the naEyT
eyes And the salesman, seeing q
chance to advertise his house, at once &C.
clared that he would not accept money
from the chaplain.
"'You are very kind, indeed said the
chaplain, and [ appreciate your Kindness.
I had intended when / came in here to
get an overcoat, but / found L had not
enough money. But
"Of course the salesman produced the
coat, and the chaplain told the story as q
good joke at mess that night. Strange to
say we did not see the joke, and | believe
there was almost a cOurt-martial. That
is why we look with suspicion upon GER
new clothes nowadays."-EX.
There's a young woman who makes
little things count"
"How does she do it?"
"Teaches arithmetic in a primary
school."-Boston Globe.
He-"There's no one left in London
now
She-"What makes you stop?'
He-"Often wondered how Wobinson
Cwouseo felt, and I wanted to find out,
don't you know? '-Pick-Me-Up.
Not many years ago, at the Queens
theater, Dublin, during one of the late
Il. G. Kings engagements, Hamlet
was being played to a densely-crowded
house. The actor pOrIraying the part of
the ghost solaced himself during his long
wait from the first to the third act by
perusing the evening paper, using his
spectacles in so doing Being interested
in some article CprObably the weights"
for an important handicap, he delayed
leaving the greenroom until the moment
Of hearing his cue, when, hastily snatch
ing up his truncheon, he rushed upon the
stage without his beard Of "sable sill
vered" or removing his spectacles. A
litter greeted his appearance, but still the
solemnity Of the darkened stage and the
fine acting of King as Hamlet prevented
any great outburst until the Queen, re-
plying to Hamlet's question, "Do you see
nothing there?" answered, Nothing at
al; yet all that is 1 see,' when a voice