The times., 1898-09-16
THE MARTYR TO DUTY.

There was once Wise Man in the War Depart
ment, and he believed that Red Tape was the
Cure for all Human Ills So he Made Law
that all the Hospital Supplies and the Medicines
and the Food for a Great Army should be Tied
up with Red Tape. And the Soldiers Died.
| The Wise Man said: 'It is Best that these
Soldiers should Die, or we wouldn't Know we
| had Had War"
But the Country thought Differently; and it
Came After him and Lynched Him.
The Night after the Lynching he presented
| himself TO st. Peter and said: Il am Martyr
TO Duty"
| ST. Peter said: ooh, yes; Know about YOU
| So he Took the Wise Man and showed him
Green Field The Wise Man said: Il will now
enjoy the Reward for my Labors." ST. Peter
| said: 'You Wil'' And the Wise Man made
himself at Home.
1t was not Long before he thought he would
| like Drink of Water, and he Hailed Stranger
| He said:
''will you Bring me some Ice-Water, please?'
| The Stranger said:
1--WE Have no Ice-Water, and not much of any
Other Kind You Will Find a Well Half Mile
from Here" And the Wise Man Swore.
When he found the Well, being Very Thirsty,
he Drank Half Glass of the Water before he
| More He said: "It must be nearly Dinner
| Time. I will Have some Coffee
He retraced his Steps and went to the Dining
Room. And he said al win Have some Con-
| somme and Roast Chicken and Vegetable But
the Waiter brought him a Little Piece of Hard
| Cracker and some Salt Pork, and a Gill of
Coffee and Tin Plate.
''How can Eat This7'' said the Wise Man in
| Disgust.
"Cook IT, said the Waiter, and Retired. And
the Wise Man Got Up and Left the Dining
Room.
| Proceeding to the Pearly Gates, he said to st.
Peter: 'What Kind of Place is this, where
People are Deprived of the Necessaries of Life?''
''You have all the Necessaries of Life said
| st. Peter "You are Living in Clover
81 Not!" said the Wise Man 81 am
Starved
''You do not Know How to Take Care Of
Yourself" said st. Peter. ''You have been Eat
ing Bananas and Drinking Beer. You should not
Buy Things from Civilians
| 81 have not Bought Thingsr' said the Wise
| Man. 81 have no Money. l tell you / am
Starving!''
Learn to Cook said St. Peter. al cannot
| Attend to you Now And the Wise Man went
back to his Dish OF Hardtack and Pork. Being
| Very Hungry, hs Fried the Hardtaek in the Pork
Fat and Swallowed some of It
| During the Afternoon it Came on to Rain, and
| the Wise Man went to st. Peter and asked for a
| Room.
81 cannot Give you ROOM said St. Peter.
''They are all Taken-'
'But l am Martyr to Duty said the Wise
Man.
"Then you should Attend to Business said
| st. Peter. ''Sleep the Ground and Get
Tough So the Wise Man Did, and caught
| Rheumatism.
While he was Having the Rheumatism he Had
| no Food and no Medicine, for Nobody came Near
| Him. As soon he was Able he Hobbled around
/ to ST. Peter and said ''You have Treated Ne
Badly. have been III and you Never came
Near Me. You should Remember that am a
Martyr to Duty
sYou are a Pretty Martyr" said ST. Peter.
| "You are Always Complaining and Bothering
Me. 1t is not your Business to Complain. Look
at st. Lawrence on the Gridiron. He did not
Complain
Then the Wise Man sat Down and Cried.
| "How long have l got to Stay here?" said he.
'1f this is Heaven, will go Back TO Earth and
| Live in Hotel"
.'Oh, This isn't Heavenl' said st. Peter.