The times., 1898-06-19
GHOST STORY.

mad been informedsthat the Wraiths OF
Discomfort would eongregate on the mall
In the vicinity OF the Washington Monu-
ment and hold am indignation mass meet
ing under the thick Potomac fog 10 ex-
press their disapproyal OF war, and the
| new reporter was sent out to write IL up
The old reporters took occasion to in
duige their sarcastic propensitles at the
expense OF the man who was going out
| to cover a ghost meeting. They asked
him IL lie had plenty of matches to keep
| his pipe lit-with no reference to a briar
root pipe-and said other things equally
| funny to their own way of thinking, but
the new reporter didn't seem 10 mind Ii
| a bit He wandered off toward the mall
ana came back little after midnight
! with the story. Here is what he wrote.
The mists of the Potomac had crawied
| up to the Horace Greeley mark on the
monument when the Indignation meeting
| OF the Wraiths OF Discomfort was called
| TO order by the chief wrath horrible
| looking monster of immense size but
who might have been in times past a
Speaker OF the House of Representatives
| from the ease with which he handled the
session and engineered subsequent iegis-
lation. Having Installed itself as chair
man OF the evening the chief wrath in
| troduced itself and outlined the purpose
| or the meeting in the following words:
Fellow Wraiths, none so distinguished
as myself but all equally indignant: We
| are called together here tonight 10 pro-
/ test against this war BECAUSE IL has
| robbed US OF hard-earned fame and re-
| duced US to a state of4innocuouS incom-
unicado. Few among you have the dis
tinguished honor OF knowing me. / am
I nv nd
! by virtue of the space 1 have in other
| years occupied IN the newspapers.
/ Il am, sirs the Summer resort sea SER
! Dent. Now you know the reason of
/ my anguish-the cause OF my Indignation
Never before since Summer resorts were
established have failed 10 attract un-
| TO myself the attention OF the nation.
My appearinss and dtsappearings have
hitherto been chroncled at great length
| in the columns OF the daily newspapers
and men of much learning have repeat
edly speculated upon my species my an
/ cestry, my particular brand OF whisky
| and my politics.
But this year I have been ignored.
have appeared in divers places, have
disported myself in daylight for hours
have even crawled out upon dry land
/ in the vain hope that / might create
a semblance of old-time commotion.
repeat it. fellowwraiths. 1 have been
/ ignored"
| The speaker paused to get his emotions
! under control. and. after back-pedaling
for several minutes. continued:
And why IS this thus2 II is the war
A few insignificant battles in foreign
| lands have actually barred me-think OF
1t. me-from public notice The columns
! OF the newspapers are filled with war
/ rufnOrs Of peace, more rumOrs that il is
I reported that there Will soon be a rumor
/ OH II is
stood there is war. And meanwhile l.
We ali-are ignored and forgotten. Shall
. We sit idly down and submit to such dis
| grace? Shall We allow ourselves 10 be
thus lightly thrust aside from public no.
tice?"
plause greeted 5he chief wraIth's re-
marks. While the meeting reflected
upon their fall from fame the sea seG
pent got his emotions wen under good
control and. after refreshing itself with
a large chunk Of fog, arose again.
i hope the meeting VIII parGOn my un-
seemy display of grief. he said in a
caimer voice, but the situation is real
" trying. We shall now be pleased to
hear from some OF the smaller gauge
I wraiths."
A large white form took the. floor TO
voice its complaint In chilly accents
( L feiiow-indignants. the Late
1
have always figured in newspaper col
umns ubiquitous evil. Ny doings
have never before failed to attract wide
! attention and raise mild apprehensions
of ruined crops. This year / have killed
more than my usual quota of Michigan
peaches Illinois apples and Ohio office
I seekers, but the returns from the press
clipping bureaus show that !. too have
I been completely ignored. The war has
crowded ME out. am in hearty accord
with the sentiments Of our chairman"
Who Is the wrath over against the
tree? inquired the Chief Wrath his at
tention attracted by wild. weird appa-
rition, attired in high-top boots. filed with
pistols, wearing a red-check wooden shirt
and holding bowie knife between his
teeth.
Il your royal sea serpent highness-''
Order! Order.' commanded the Chief
Wrath. The gentleman over feminist
the tree will please address the chair in
a respectful manner"
AS | was about To remark" resumed
the wild. weird apparation. removing the
bowie knife from between its teeth. Il
am the last of the Dalton gang For the
last twenty years I have died regularly
once every three months, and my death
has hitherto been honored by at least a
quarter of a column in all of the leading
newspapers. Since the war began j have
died nineteen times. but | might as well
be alive yet for all the public knows
about 1t. In fact, l have decided TO quit
dying until the war is over. There is no
use trying TO break into the newspapers
nowadays"
who might the new arrival be?" in
quired the chairman. noting a commotion
in the circle of cOngregated wraiths
Who am I?'' repeated the new arrival
Il might be anybody for ali the notice
that is taken of me of late. But am the
returned Klondike prospectOr. Before the
war my arrival was awaited at San Fran
cisco and Seattle by newspaper corre-
spondents who telegraphed my utterances
all over the country, how much gold
had brought back. how many meals I
missed while gone. where. and how ! had
met the famous saltwater Bill and so on,
And en- route east / was formally inter
viewed at every water tank and made a
parsonage of great note. Now I might
as well be just a plain millionaire a
Coxey or a Letter for all that Is known
of me. The public has forgotten that
Skaguay Trail and Chilkoot Pass are
on the map
After the Kansas Cyclone the Mime
sofa Wheat Failure. the Southern Lynch
ing Bee. the Political Swindle and num-
ber of other celebrated wraithS had added
| their lamentations to the general ex-
| pressions of disgust and disapproval of
the war as a means af keeping them out
of the public eye, the chief wrath other
wise the sea serpent. alias the chairman
arose and offered the following brief rese-
/ luton:
Whereas, we are no longer in it. and
! Whereas, the war is the whole thing
and
Whereas, we are sorely distressed at
ha nf III