Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-04-10
TO WORK A CHANGE.
A COMPOUND WHICH MAY TURN
coLoREp PEOPLE WHITE.
THE IDLER TELLS ALL ABOUT II.
strange Things Are Guaranteed for
rbi, Marvellous Mixture-1en'ic-
.n.,,In from wearing Those
Gfddy CoIored Vests.

1,.ruv This Is a world OF sorrow ana
discomfort, and lies pathway Is st'e"h
with nsaratlve tacks, the business ehoS
~ which are always uppermost The
leonard wishes 10 change his spots ana
T,ttlebat Titmouse signs 20 dye his au-
bnrn locks 10 shades of deepest ebon. It's
.,vovs something that we long for
something that is unattainaole for US,
and yet the other fellow has II ana
doesn't know he's blessed. In youth we
shave 20 get whiskers, and in ola age We
slave 10 get rid Of them. AS boys we
crave for food for our omnivorous appe-
,,tes. and al maturity we yearn for the
annette 70 destroy the food We are
never quite satisfied. though. even If we
were, we would then kick because we had
nothing 10 strive for
Formerly / thought that supreme con-
fentmont--if any such there be-cOuld not
be found in the Caucasian race. but oh'y
among the dusky sons OF Ethiopia, whose
ambitions never learned 20 stray above
n "plentitude Of 'possum and taterS' OF
n season Of eternal rcst-rest when white
JOlk NNOukut lNNN s44NNAA " N'AN'''r''
a. now turns out that even the colored
brother IS disconnected. and that he, TOO.
would like some alterations in his make
np Yes. ne has gotten dissatisfied just
like us pO-white people, and can you
guess the thorn in his side? It's because
his skin IS black and his head is happy.
Never had suspected that these features
Of his individuality were offensive 10 him,
but two adyertis ,ments, which recently
caught my eye I'm a negro paper, convince
me 10 the contrary.
Peruse the following. which, If II comes
up 10 specifications. is going TO work
wonders and make things much brighter
for our future: ~ Black Skin Remover
The Negro Need Not Complain ANY Lon
ger Of Black Skin.-This preparation. If
used as directed Will turn the skin Of
black person four or five shades winter
and that Of mula,toes perfectly white
II also removes wrinkles and freckles
from the face. and makes the skin beau
tiful. Any person using il can see the
result In forty-eight hours.
1T does not turn the skin in spots, but
bleaches out white. II IS n very good
thing for weak eyes. if ii get I'm the eye
while washing the face" etc.
The proprietor Of this human white
wash, If l may so designate IL, assures
the enemies of our poultry that one box
Of this compound is all that is required
and that If used as directed, il viii pro-
duce a complexion Of great beauty. As
a fitting peroration for his brief but UNI
grammaticai address TO unsuspectinS
devotees Of watermelon and mOlasses. he
gives his place OF business, and then
closes with an eloquent plea for ga
condition precedent 10 the metamOIphoss
which he guarantees.
In my day, when Jackson watermelons
were as thick in Hapover as leaves in
Tallombrosa, and "cullud persons" absO-
Iutely refused 10 curb their appetites
therefor, we used TO think a first-class
bulldog was the best BLACK skin re-
mover" but times have changed since
then. Now this twO-dOllar panacea does
the business. a black person is made
four or five shades whittier and a mulatto
perfectly white! Just what effect the
compound will have upon that large and
respected contingent known as the gin
gerbread type. we are not informed. But
this we do knOw-that IL does not turn
The skin in spots" but beaches 1t white.
This statement, then, is q pledge tfat
future experiments will not produce a
race OF "Dominicker' "aunties" and pie
bald "uncles,' whose speckled features
would suggest a well-knOWn breed of
chickens or the gay and giddy circus
horse.
Any person using the "black skin re-
mover can seen the result in forty-eight
hours. The dog to which we have above
alluded made the results Of his good
work manifest in a much shorter space of
time, but then the dog has had his day.
So far as getting rid Of our wrinkles
and freckles is concerned, some Of US
white folk would like to avail ourselves
OF the remedy. too. but on the whole l
guess we had better let the colored
brother have monopoly on ii.
But more. or as the other "ad' is
headed, "Stop! Listen!r' After we set the
Afro-American butterfly out Of his ebon
chrysalis-and all for two bits Of silver,
.oo-there are other difficulties What
about the kinky head? Aye, there's the
rub! But let us not despair, for here is
where the other advertisement comes in.
a certain individual from North Caro-
Ina has Itaced upon the market a mix
fure that makes the hair grow stops it
from breaking off and falling out'-in
short, 1T will also make your hair
straight and beautiful" What more
could heart--the colored heart-desire?
The price of this boon to Ethiopian
humanity is IS per box, but samples for
people with only Il limited amount Of
cents and upwards.
So altogether, the citizens who have
caused our fowls "to roost high" will
goon appear before the astonished public
with many changes Of appearance, and
AZ the representations quoted are true.
with striking improvements and embel-
,ishments. We now need a man TO supply
Roman noses and TO make sore altera-
tions in the architecture OF Afro-Ameri-
can feet. With these finishing touches.
but little remains 70 fully equip the col
ored race for a long career of useful
ness and personal puIchritude But If
Innovations must be suffered and old
things must 80. what, OH what, Will be
the status of the negros ever faithful
friend and companion-the mule? Surely
ne can't be witewashed into respecta-
bility or groomed into place among the
equine four hundred. And last, but not
changes. we ask: Must fowls still roost
high?
Tan shoes and silk hats and long
tailed coats and pollSa-dOt socks ana
checked shirts and striped collars are all
very well in their way-and a darned
poor way 1T is-but these colored vests.
OF rainbow hues and variegated tints, are
going 10 cause trouble. 1t looks as il the
whole business Is a sort of retaliatory
measure against the dominant sex who
recently went mad on tailor-mado clothes
and cornered all the sartorial artists who
had formerly been our exclusive property.
We meekly watched these petticoated
aggressors when they inaugurated false
nd