The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1898-10-01
WIT AND HUMOa
Up-fo.Dafe Jokes and Witticisms From the
Comic Papers

Up-fo-Dafe Jokes and witticlsms From the
Comic Papers
WHEN JOHNNY ,RErURNs
When Johnny comes. marching home
again
Well give him rousing, cheer,
And hope it won't be long till then,
For things are lonesome here.
When Johnny comes marching home.
hoorayl
Well all be happy then,
And the gas bills papa has to pay
Will go bounding up again.
MAKING MONKEY OF HIM.
He-What is the use of the bridal
veil, anyhow?
She-Why, it prevents the man see
ing that the woman is laughing at
him.
O, THE THOUGHT OF IT.
Mrs. Wackum: How did that
naughty boy of yours hurt himself?
Mrs. Snapper: That good little boy
of yours hit him on the head with
brick.
QUITE TAKEN.
$50 Leurella Is going to marry that
young dentist. How long has she
known him ?"
''Not SO very long; but she says he
made good impression on her the
first time she saw him"
TRUE INwARDNEss OF IT.
He-Why, he claims he couldn't
live without his little wife.
She-All of his property is in her
name. you know.
AT THEIR wIr's END.
He-Rats climb the orange trees in
southern Italy.
She-Good gracious What on
earth do the women climb up on
MIGHT GET EVEN.
Defendant lin hoarse whisper)-
Challenge that man. Don't let him
get on the jury.
Lawyer-Why not He seems all
right.
Defendant-Heg got acquainted with
his wife at my house, and he's had it
in for me ever since.
FIT ENDING.
Mary Manly-'Polly and Miss
Winters engaged in sewing match;
they were to make dress for poor
woman.
Nancy Prue-"How did it end ?"
Mary Manly-"In tie. -
rHoUaHTLEss REMARK.
sIt's remarkable, commented Mr..
Meekton's wife, "how many men are
anxious to leave home and engage in
war;"
EYES," he answered, absently.
Some people never seem to know
when they have enough of anything"
oBEYINa ORDERS.
The Lady of the House. Who
broke all these dishes, Annie?
Annie.-I did, ma'am. Didn't you
tell me when I first came, when I
heard the doorbell, to drop every
thing?
HUMAN NATURE.
ssWhen q man asserts that he is just
as good as anybody else, do you think
he really believes it p
Certainly not. He believes he is
better"
THE CAUSE.
''Did Maud Ethel tell you about
being unable to get to the party on
account of her dressmaker disappoint-
ing her p
''She didn't put it that way. She
said her equipment was not forwarded
in time"
AN ADHESIVE FRIEND.
"When go to see Dorothy never
can get away from her."
well, Maud, why don't you have
her visit you p
''Then she never goes home"
GLORIOUS OPPORTUNITY
Butcher. II need boy about your
sAlo, onu wAi 6iN0 you ANo uoiihro
week.
Applicant Will / have a chance
to rise
Butcher. Yes; want you to be
here at four in the morning.
NEGATIVE TESTIMONY.
Jane-What an cratic kind of q |
fellow that Mr.. Softley is. He's a !
regular scatterbrain, isn't he ?"
Kittie You can't prove it by me.
He never scattered any of his brains
anywhere in my neighborhood.
EVER THE SAME.
''You never can tell what woman
will do next" |
81 can.
'.Well, what ?"
"Talk."
INFALLIBLE JUST NOW.
Ramsey. while walking down the
street the other evening Spaniard
asked me if / could tell him the quick
est way to the nearest hospital. I"