The times., 1898-09-06
HUMAN NATURE.

There was a Philosopher who sat in his
Library and wrote Essays on Human Nature T.
was his theory that one day Human Nature would
reach its Perfection and we should all be Angels
He loved that theory, and therefore refrainei
from Confronting il with any Hard and Uncom
Portable Facts He Stsid in his Library and
wrote Essays in Peaceful and Hlirnitable Seclu-
sion. This State of things Lasted till one day, in
moment of Carelessness he took Pupil.
The Pupil Bright and Earnest young
man with a great Desire to Learn. he listened
to all the Philosophers Discourses on Human
| Nature with great Eagerness and Interest Then
the Philosopher said:
81 have Poured Wisdom into your mind from
my Inexhaustibie Resources until it is time you
should recite some OF it. But do not do so
Orally for you would make me Nervous Take
| then this lnkstand and this Ream of Paper, and
| retire into Distant Part OF the Building. where
the noise Of your Thinking Operations will not
Disturb Me, and Write an Essay on Human Ma
ture"
The young Bowed Low and Did az he was
Told. He Labored for a Week to cover One Page
of the Foolscap with Essay fit to Show. He
found that the Philosopher had Told him so Much
that he was utterly Unable to Recall anything
but a Few Elementary Facts. These he COM
bined with his Own Experience and made an Es-
say. This was It:
The first human nature appeared in our
Arboreal Ancestors when one OF them Decided not
to Climb with his Tail any More. The other
Apes all Pounded him with sticks and
Stones and said:
"a You are Absurd. Our Fathers and Grandfath-
ers Climbed with their Tails. and you should be
Content 10 do the same What you say about
its being safer to Walk on the Ground is Non
sense We have Climbed the TsIlest Trees for
Many Years and Alive
"But the Arboreal Ancestor Persisted and
founded the Human Race. Human Nature next
Appeared when Fire Invented. The Primeval
Savage said:
" II you Fool with such Unhoy Things you
viii get your Fingers Burnt. We have Eaten
Raw Meat and Lived Unwarmed through Many
Winters, and we are Alive. Grow Fur, young
man. Grow Fur
''But the Fire-Maker Proceeded. and We All
Have 10 Burn our Fingers in Consequence
s'Human Nature Subsequently Appeared when
Man Invented Vaccination The Uninstructed
Physician Said:
% 1T is Impious for Man to Combat the De-
crees of Heaven. II Smallpox did not come
now and then and Thin of the Population the
Earth would be overpopulated. and then what
would you do? have Lived for Many Years and
l had the SMALLPOX when / Ten Years Old ;
''But the yaccinator Persisted in his Ideas, and
Gave all the People Much Sorrow.
1.-The latest Appearance of human nature is in
Secretary of War and Pestilence. When the
Daily Papers Told Him that the Soldiers in his
Army were dying Faster by Disease than by the
Enemy he said
:" 1t is Impossible to Make War without kill
ing People. War is War, and it is Best to Have
it so There never was a War in which the Sol
diers had Enough to Eat, and there Never will
be- They have had Enough to Eat in this War,
and more than was Good for Them. l went to
War Once and suffered many Perils. and / am
Alive Yet
But the Daily Papers Kept on, and what will
happen Next the Lord only Knows"
When the philosopher read this essay he was
very much surprised, and said
"But that is not the kind of Human Nature
| know about. Human Nature is always progress
| sive. when spelled with capitals
''Yes, SIR" said the pupil. 'But l didn't spell
it that way
| ''Are there two kinds of Human Nature2''
thought the Philosopher.
| And he read the Newspapers, and came to the
conclusion that there Were.