Mesa free press., 1898-11-18

What Is the greaIeSt War SIOry you
ever read, GrumpyT' my own diary,
since I married"
"Well, pet, how do you find poor Un-
Gle Thomas? Was he sitting up2 mo;
he was thitting down."
''What do you think Of my last
story?" asked Whipples Of the critic.
ST think you were wise to make it your
last"
He-Candidly, what do you think Of
nay argument? Friend-Sound-m
certainly sound. "And what else"
Nothing else"
Chollie Softleigh (who is thinking Of
a friend)-A fool and his money are
soon parted. Miss Cutting How did
you lose 1t, Mr.. Softleigh?
"They say Hardhitter, the pugilist, is
delighted with his new portrait" Eyes,
indeed. That's because the artist
painted it in such striking colors."
Traveler-D Don't you get tired answer
ing so many fool questions? Ticket
Agent-Yes. Traveler-Whic one tires
you most? Ticket Agent That one
He-What caused your brothers. Ill
ness? Shells sweetheart's death.
She fell into a well and was drowned.
He-As usual. A woman at the bottom
Of it.
Mrs. Gabber-Y You say she is proud?
Mrs. Gosup-Proud? Why, that wom-
an wouldn't read serial story because
she'd have to buy it on the installment
plan.
"Oh, Bridget! I told you to notice
when the apples boiled over" "Sure
did, mum. 1t was quarter past eleven
when they boiled over."-Brooklyn
Life.
She-He does not seem to be bril-
liant cOnversationalist. He-No; un-
fortunately, he can't talk on any sub
ject unless he knows something about
it.-Puck.
Mrs. G. Smythe Gotrox (graciously)-
This portrait will make your reputation
in this country, am sure, m'sieu M.
Coldini (gallantly) y)-And yours, also, /
trust, madame!-Life.
Laura-I had to give up the bicycle.
could not conquer my inclination to
run people down. Flora-Especially
when their backs were turned, eh,
dear?-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Mrs. Malaprop (horrified at finding
her daughters waist encircled by
young mans arm)-Oh! And they told
me he was descended from one of the.
old Hugmenot familieS.-Judge.
Police Justice (suavely)-When the
police officer dubbed you, as you al
lege, did you take his number? Uncle
Geehaw (aggrieved) Why, no!
couldn't, mister-it was fastened onter
himLPuck.
Jenny-Mis' Muzzy, ma wants to-
borrow little -four, two eggs, cup Of
sugar and Miss M.-You go on
home and tell your mother she'd better
wait little while and come over and
take the cake.
Auntie-A penny for your thoughts.
Little nephew was thinking that, IT,
kept quiet and pretended to be think
ing, you'd wonder what 1 was think
ing about, and say just what you did.
Gimme the penny!'
II hope things are more peaceful in
the choir than formerly" said the pas
tor. Eyes, SIR" replied the organist;
'1t's perfectly calm now" ''rm glad
to hear it.. How was peace securedY
Everybody excepting myself resign
ed"
"Cooper's works?" replied the shop
man. "Yes, madam; here are the
'Leatherstocking Tales" II don't
think want them," replied the shop
per. Hasn't Mr.. Cooper written any
Golf Stocking Tales yetY'- -Harper's
Bazar.
Head of thesfirm Ito clerk who is late)
Meyer, it is now quarter past nine.
What excuse have you-or did you
spend the whole time in sleep? Clerk
I'm sorry to say did; but dreamed
about nothing but the Office Fliegende
Blatter.
Professor discussing organic and in
organic kingdoms)-Now, If I should
shut my eyes -so-and drop my head
so-and remain perfectly still, you
would say was clod. But I move, I
leap. Then what do you call me?
Voice from rear--A clod-hopper?
victim-I want to prefer a charge
against this man, but I hardly know
the proper one to make. Officer-What
did he do? Victim-Struck me on the
head with a chunk of ice. Officer
Well, why not charge him with carry
ing CONCEALED weapons? = Chicago
News.
"Old Bullions says he isn't rich at
all. but l know better" "H'm! How
did you get your information" From
himself. He told me not long ago that
there was no such thing as luck in bust
ness. You never hear an unsuccessful
man talk in that strain."-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Wiggles-Have you heard the news?