davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-29

Printed and Sold by r Read IN pogwcl- Court.
White Fryars. Fleci-Sirrei MDtcNXHlH.
price one Shilling)

Printed and Sold by r Read in Dogwcll- Court.
White-Fryars. Fleet Street MpCcNXXIN.
price one Shilling
II is a thin book. OF seventy pages. and CON
tains 247 jes,s or what the compiler was
pleased to regard az Jcsts 1t has no introduc-
ton EXPLANATION. except what Is printed on
the title page on the next page the Jcsts them
selves begin. The punctuation Is most remark
able and is often more "A confusion than "A help
10 IN. modern reader All nouns begin with
capitals and all proper names are printed IN
italics No quotation marks are used large
proportion Of the Jcsts would hot bear reprint
ing in a modern newspaper.
Before giving any 81 those which VIII hear re
printing it viii be fair To say that thu placing
Of the name of Joe Miller on the it'll page Of
this book was as great an injustice t. that hon
est gentleman as the attrihutng ~ All current
Jokes to the book ~ 10 the modern Joker Miller
died In l7:lS the year before the hrst edition OF
the book was printed and II be- not probable
tina, H. had even much 10 do with il a. ~
implied IN the statement OF the title page that
b. was present when tho stories were tod by
somebody In a fcw of thu stories -less than
half dozen he ~ mentioned. either a. the
hero or as the narrator
The collection was really made by John Mott
ley. a dTtindtiSt OF the Time lie rfohdhly
thought II would be- "A good business stroke to
issue the book under the name Of Miller. FOR
NJ Her had just died and had long been popular
comedian. He played many parts and played
them well II is said one Of the most notable
was the Irish part Of league. III Sir Robert
Howard's 1.-THE Committee" He made this part
80 famous that "Tcaguc" became "a general
name for an Irishman. "Paddy' X now and
in this very book an Irishman ~ always called
"Teaeuc" Millcr's eptaph spoke Of him
az "a tender husband. a sincere friend.
dian" II is agreeable to think tina; he turned
out a tender husband for tn" reason which he
gave for marrying was that he wanted "A wife
who could read his parts to him. AZ h. could not
read himself
II is evident that when this book was compiled
Englshmcn were quite as easily amused as they
are to-day 1t is fun of stories the utter point
lessncss OF which would insnr" their insertion
In any modern English comic paper Here are
a few examples
O. Two thinking Authors proposed 10
V,ookscIler that was a little dccayed III the
World that If he would PRINT their Works they
would set him up, and indeed they wcr" a. good
as their Word. for SIX Weeks T,mc h' was
the Pillory
10 Gentleman was SAYING one Day al the
Tilt Yard l>oifee- iiuur- when II ra,ned ersesc-'
ingIy h1a1A ttG< II put him ia Mind Of the IN
eraJ DeluSe; ICONS, Sir. 2aid an old C'anpalIner.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-29
4 DR. MINER or 1872.
From The Evening Wisconsin.

From Inc Evening WIS'"hSlh'
Fleazor Smith, Of Danbury, \. H.. new
Hampshire's only survivor OF the War OF lSl1
on Monday celebrated his centenary. The event
was marked by public exercises IN thc gown
Hall Mr. Smith was present and assisted IN inc
exercises by drumming on the Identical drum
used by him In the War Of ISL.
Father" Smith is a native Of Grafton. y. H.
where he was born in 1898. His father, Elcazor
Smith was wounded at the battle or bunker
HILL and near General warren "hen ne i"i
brother 81 the subject ~ this sketch was
killed in the War Of the Rebellion. El"azor was
the father Of Ave children. all of whom are dead
except a daughter. Mary. with whom he now re
sides
Father" Smith enlisted October >. lNl1. IN
the company rec ruited by Nathan johnson ~
Grafton in the Both Regiment. Joshua Merriam
being his captain lie served Tor several months
at Portsmouth. doing coast duty III" was n verj
proficient drummer boy.
He is in excellent health He spends most OF
his time drumming. reading or carving canes
He still reads without the use ~ glasses He has
voted for every President beginning with Mon
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-29
JOE MILLER.
JESTS THAT HAVE GROWN GRAY IN SER
VICE.
OTHERS THAT HAVE GROWN GRAY WITHOUT SEE
ING MUCH SERVICE THE FAMOUS FATHER
or OTHER PEOPLES JOKES.

II you are in the habit OF telling funny stories
"A most useful and unselhsh habit-you have
often felt the weight OF the crushing remark
THAT story is in Joe Miller" When addressed
to a modest and well-mcaning story-teller this
remark is usually unkind and unoallcd for. and
what is more, it Is almost always vi true the
person who makes it has seldom seen copy OF
the book that bears the name OF joe Miller he
does not even pretend that he has. He simply
has vague notion that all the stories that ne
has ever heard before came from Joe Miller
originally, and he assigns them to II in the
sane sweeping way in which he would declare
that
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-29
VI IU'
w | Il :
WADE MECIM.
being
Most Ilumbly lnscr bed

To Those Choice Spirits Of the AGE,
Captain Eodcns Mr Alexander Pope. Mr. Pro
fcssor Lacy Mr. orator Henley and job
Baker. the Kettle Drummer.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-29
..u ore IN their old places, and Henry e. Dixey
Misc Lulu CHASER add to the merriment.

vot exactly operetta, but still largely musical
arbe Circus Girl" at Days Theatre. And
,.,vbody wants TO see The Circus Girl again.
=, NO doubt many 90, there is no time To be
-, For the present week is the last one Of its
A., and there is no saying when il Will come
lain Miss Virginia Earl Miss Irene Perry.
,U,s Mabele Gilman. Miss Catherine Lewis,
,.,onb Herbert and James T. Powers are still
!. ,he cast. After this week the company will
- IN Chicago for "a summer season
IN spite OF all this music there are still two
=. .bree plays left in town. Mrs. Minnie Mad
a.rn Fiske will act her present two for one
=, RI, Of Old Chelsea" and Love Finds the
vavr will have run their course. a longer and
moro prosperous course than was hoped for
ZION, when they began. Afterward there will
:. q week OF "Dvorcons." and. perhaps two, if
no public wants more and the weather permits.
Hverythng depends on the public and the
weather now.
The battle scene in "Shenandoah' at the
Academy of Music stlrs lie audience to a high
,atch OF enthusiasm each evening and there are
.peated curtain calls. the band playing a dif-
trent patriotic air every ume that inc tableau
+ shown. Two changes have been made in the
ast Edwin Mordaunt, the original actor of
the part Of General Haverhill, Is again playing
4 and Robert Drouet now appears as Colonel
Irchiva West
Still The Little Minister runs on at the Gar
rek Theatre 1t Is another question OF the
weather II the summer never comes and the
early spring never goes, there seems to be no
reason why Miss Maude Adams and her com
pany should ever 60 They are welcome where
hey are. and they may as well go holding
nightly receptions.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-29
In the days OF King Raneses
That old story had pare SIS.

BY the way the ocular reference of all old
jokes to Joe Miller and the times OF King
Harnesses is about as stale as the Jokes OF Joe
Miller themselves. Besides "paresis' does not
rhyme with "Ramcses.' when both are pro-
nounccd correctly.
The present writer Is bound TO confess that
till recently he as ignorant as anybody
about the real character Of the book OF Jests
attributed to Joe Miller. But the other day a
copy OF the first edition OF the work printed In
17:9 or, NOR" likely. reproduction OF 1t, fell
into his hands and was the occasion OF great
enlightenment Possibly little information
about it may be OF interest to some others as
well. The following is the title page Of the book:
Joe Millcr's JESTS:
or, the
WITS
WADE MECTM
being
Collection Of the most Brilliant Jests; the
Politics, Repartees, the most Elegant bon
Mots. and most pleasant short Stories IN the
English Language
First carefully collected in the Company. and
many OF them Transcribed from the Mouth
OF the Facetious Gentleman. whose Name
they bear AID now set forth and published
by his anentabc Friend and former Com
panon Elijah jenkins Esq.
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31

relative to sewerage or drainage, upon the amount of damage to De Paiu to such owners for the purpose or sucn improvement and for the perpetual use of said real estate for Sald purpoSe.
 Sec 8. The Board may, when au- thoriZed by ordinance of the SuperVis- ors passed by not less than Iour affirmative votes, construct SucH ee" CTS. reservoirs and pumping Worhs as may be necessary to carry out the seH- eral system of sewerage for the city and County.
 Sec. g. When, upon the recommends ton of the Board of Public Works, the Supervisors shall determine upon any improvement for the purpose of sewer age and drainage which necessitates the acquisition or condemnation of pri- vate property, and the Board is unable to agree with the owner thereof, upon the amount of compensation or dam ages to be paid therefor, or when such owner is in any way incapable of mak- and in all cases in which the Board shall deem it most eXpedient, 1t shall, when authorized by the Supervisors ex- pressed by ordinance, have the right 10 cause said property to be condemheo' and to institute proceedings for the condemnation of such property, or TOT the entertainment of such damages In the manner, so far as may be applca- ble, which is provided in this Article TOT the condemnation of real estate When necessary for the opening Of any new street
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31
ARTICLE VII. PUBLIC SCHOOLS AND LIBRA
 RES.
CHAPTER I.
The Board of Education.


 SECTION 1. The School Department shall be under the control and manage ment of a Board of Education com- posed of four School Directors, who shall be appointed by the Mayor, and who shall give their entire time to the duties of their office They shall each receive an annual salary of three thou sand dollars They shall not be less than thirty years of age and must have been residents of the City and County for at least five years prior to their ap- pointment. The Board shall never be so constituted as to consist of more than two members of the same polit1- cal party The term of office of the Dt- rectors shall be four years. Those first appointed shall so classify themselves by lot that they shall respectively go out of office at the expiration Of one, two, three and four years.
 Sec. 9 The Board shall organize by electing one of it's number President, who shall serve for one year and until his successor is elected. The Board may elect a Secretary who shall not be 8 member of the Board, and who shall receive an annual salary of eighteen hundred dollars.
 Sec. 3. The Board shall meet at least once a week and at such other times as it may determine. It shall establish rules for its proceedings; but the con- current vote of the majority of it's members shall be necessary to transact business. In every instance where a power is exercised under this Article by the Board the vote thereon shall be taken by ayes and noes and entered in the minutes of the Board
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31
CHAPTER V.
Harbors and Wharves.

SECTION 1. All the Wharves, Water Front and Harbor of San trancisco which now belong or may hereafter oe- Ionp to the City and County, or over which 1t may at any time lawfully ex- ercise jurisaiction and control, shall shall be be under the management and controi or the Supervisors. All said wharves shall be built and repaired by the Board of Public Works, after proceedings had as provided in this Article for the im- provement or repair of public build ingS.
 Sec. 2. The Supervisors shall by ordi- nance fix and regulate the tolls for wharfage and dockage, and shall pro- vide for the collection of the same, ex- cept where the wharves are under the jurisdiction of the Board of State liar bor Commissioners. or may provide that no charges, tolls, dockage or wharfage be imposed or collected. The Supervisors shall not have power to dispose of any wharf, but they may lease any wharf for term not exceed ing two wears.
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31
CHAPTER IT.
Police Commissioners.

SECTION 1. The Police Department shall be under the management of a Board of Police Commissioners consist ing of four members who shall be ap- pointed by the Mayor, and each of whom shall receive an annual salary of twelve hundred dollars No person shall be appointed such Commissioner who shall not have been an elector of the City and County for at least five years next preceding his appointment.
 Sec 2. The Board shall never be so constituted as to consist of more than two members of the same political party. The term of office of the Com missioners shall be four years Those first appointed shall so classify them selves by lot that they shall respec- lively go out Of office at the expiration of one, two three and four years.
 Sec. g. The Commissioners shall be successors in office of the Police Commissioners holding office in the City and County at the time this Charter shall go into effect by virtue of appointment under any statute or law of this State.
 Sec. 4. The Police Commissioners shall organize by electing one of their number President, who shall hold such office for one year. The Board shall appoint a Secretary. who shall receive an annual salary of fifteen hundred dollars. The sessions of the Board
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31
ARTICLE VIII. POLICE DEPARTMENT.
CHAPTER j
Organization.

SECTION 1. The Police Department shall consist of a Board of Police Com missioners, a Chief of Police, a Police Force, and of such clerks and em- ployes as shall be necessary to carry into effect the provisions of this Article.
 Sec. 2. All members of the Police De- partment shall hold office during good behavior, subject to the provisions hereinafter set forth relating to pro- motions, suspensions, dismissals and disratements.
 Sec. 3. No person shall become a member of the Department unless he shall be a citizen of the United States. of good character for honesty and so- briety, able to read and write the Eng fish language, and a resident of the City and County for at least five years next preceding his appointment. Every appointee to the Department shall not be less than twenty-one nor more than thirty-five years of age. must possess the physical qualifications required for recruits of the United States Army, and before his appoint ment must pass a satisfactory medical examination under such rules and regulations as may be prescribed by the Board of Police Commissioners. In making appointments sof members of the Department, the Board shall never regard the political or religious preferences or affiliations of any can didate
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31
CHAPTER ".
Sewers and Drainage.

SECTION l. The Board of Public
 Works shall devise a general system
 of drainage, which shall embrace all
 matters relative to the thorough, sys-
 tematic and effectual drainage of the City and County, and shall from time
 to time make to the Supervisors such recommendations upon the subject of sewerage and drainage as it may deem proper.
 Sec g. The Board shall prescribe the location, form and material to be used in the construction, reconstruction and repairing of all public sewers, man.
 holes, sinks, drains, cesspools, and all other appurtenances belonging to the drainage system, and of every private drain or sewer emptying into public sewer, and determine the place and manner of the connection.
 Sec. 3. The Board shall recommend to the Supervisors rules and regula- tions concerning the public and private sewers and drains in the City and
 County, and upon recommendation of said Board, the Supervisors are author
 ized to pass an ordinance establishing
 the same and prescribing the penalties for any violation thereof.
 Sec f. No person shall connect with, or open or penetrate any, public sewer or drain without first obtaining a per init in writing from said Board, and complying with the rules and regula- tions of the Board in reference thereto.
 Sec. 5. The Board may also recom- mend to the Supervisors the construc- ton of such canals, sewers, tunnels,
 ditches, drains, entertainments. reser-
 voirs, pumping works, machinery and other works necessary for the proper
 and effectual drainage of the City and | County, together with plans for con-
 meeting the same with sewers and pri-
 vate drains already constructed or thereafter to be constructed.
 Sec 6. The Supervisors may, upon the recommendation of the Board of
 Public Works, by ordinance passed by
 not less than fourteen affirmative votes,
 authorize the purchase of any personal property or the acquisition by purchase | or condemnation of any real estate
 which may be necessary for the con-
 struction of any sewer or the making of any improvement provided for in this l Chapter.
 Sec. '. The Board may, with the like
 approval of the Supervisors, agree with 1 the owners of any real estate, upon which it is deemed desirable to con- J struct any sewer or other improvement
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31
CHAPTER III.
Powers of the Board.

SECTION 1. The Board of Police Commissioners shall have power; l. To appoint promote, suspend, dls- rate or dismiss any member of the De partment in the manner hereinafter provided
 ?. To prescribe rules and regulations for the government, discipline. equip ment and uniform Of the DepdI linetIl' and from time to time to alter or re- peal the same and to prescrlDe penal ties for the violations of any of such rules and regulations. All sucn rules and regulations must be reasonaple.
 8. To grant permits to any person desiring to engage in the sale or Ilquor in less quantity than one quart ana to grant permits to any person engaged Tn the business of selling liquor to De drunk on the premises, ana to feVohe any such permit when it shall appear to the Board that the business or the person to whom such permit was gwen is conducted in disorderly or m. proper manner. Without Sucn permit none of such persons shall engage Tn the business of selling liquor. IT the Board refuse to grant such permit, UT propose to revoke any permit that naS been granted, the person who IS re- fused such permit or whose permit u IS proposed to revoke, shall be entitled lU be heard before the Board in person or through counsel, and to nave, 1Tee of charge, all reasonable facllltles aC the hearing. Such permits shall not De granted for more than three months at one time, and they shall distinctly state the name of the person to whom the same is given, and the description or the premises where such business Is 10 be carried on. Such permits shall at all times be subject to inspection by any member of the Department Com plaints to revoke permits granted by the Board must be in writing, signed by the person making the same and filed with the Secretary of the Board; and a copy thereof certified by the Secretary must be served upon the party complained against at least 11Ve days before the time set for the hearing of the complaint.
 4 At it's discretion, upon the peti- tion of any person, firm or corporation to appoint, and at pleasure 10 remove, special police officers. Such omcers shall be subject to all the rules ana regulations of the Board. ,.
 :. To provide for the care, restltu- tion or sale at annual public auction or all unclaimed property that may come into the possession or the Properly Clerk. and to direct the destruction or such property as shall consist oI lii- plements, weapons, property or any other article. matter or thing used III the commission of crime
 6. To appoint Police MatronS TOT the care of female prisoners ana to pro vide rules and regulations for the gov ernment of the same.
 '. To appoint Police Surgeon wno shall receive an annual salary oI H. teen hundred dollars.
 Sec 2. The President may convene the Board for special meetings. The Secretary of the Board shall be the off- ciaI custodian of all records and official documents of the Board.
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-31
CHAPTER ".
Superintendent of Schools.

SECTION 1. The Superintendent of Common Schools of the City and Coun- ty shall be by virtue of his office a member of the Board of Education, without the right to vote. He shall re- ceive an annual salary of four thousand dollars.
 Sec. ?. The Superintendent shall ap- point four Deputy Superintendents. The number of such deputies shall not be increased until the average daily at tendance shall have reached forty five thousand, when the Superintendent shall appoint one additional deputy, and thereafter he shall appoint one deputy for each additional eight thousand ,hildren in average daily attendance. If from any cause a vacancy occurs in the office of Deputy Superintendent, such vacancy shall be filled by the Superintendent.
 Sec. 3. Of the Deputy Superin- tendents first appointed. the Superin- tendent shall appoint two for two years and two for four years All Deputy Superintendents subsequently, appointed shall hold office for four years
 Se,s. 4. Such deputies must have had at least ten years successful experi- ence as teachers, and shall have been residents of the City and County at least five years preceding their ap- pointment.
 Sec. D. In addition to the duties in- posed by the general laws of the State, it shall be the duty of the Superin- tendent:
 1. To observe and enforce all rules and regulations of the Board of Educa- ton and to see that no religious or sec tarfan books or teachings are allowed in the schools
 2. To report to the Board of Educa- tion annually, on or before the twen- tieth day of August, and at such other times as the Board may require, all matters pertaining to the condition and progress of the public schools of the City and County during the fiscal year, with such recommendations as he may deem proper.
 3. To inform the Board of the con- dition of the schools. schoolhouses and of other matters connected therewith, and to recommend such measures as he may deem necessary for the ad- yancement of education in the City and County. and for the care and improve