The National tribune., 1898-11-03
"De Pussonal Rckollekshnns" of an Army
Cook-The War Viewed from the Rear.

| S0Ok-lhe war vhcWeu ITOn Tic near
De way some oh desc pin -fedder veterans
desc 90-day wild two furloughs thrown il
soljers-air gibin us deir wind-colic ober d.
! hardships oh Summer camp at Chicka
maugy, wild two hours drill between meals
puts me in min oh suckumstance dat hap
pened while we wuz a-layin at Fairfax
Courthouse, arter Antietam.
| Wede done got sum recruits, an we TUX
wun OBJ dem inter de Mornin Glory Mess
bekase Mistuh 10 had sorter knowed him up
| around Canajoharie. We called him Happy
Jake, bekaze he looked all de time as if he
| WIZ chief m0urner at a funeral He kept
his face drawed down long as a fenee-rail,
an seemed ready tub bust out erwin emmy
minnit. He'd bin wukkin odd spells ON de
farms round Canal ajoharie, an walnut bad
sort OBJ feller. except dat whenebber he
talked hit wuz tuh complain dat he had had
de fever-an-ager till his liver wuz caked.
which wuz a. KILN him; dat he fought he'd
swallered a lizard when he WIZ drinkin out
OBJ a spring, an hit WIZ eatin his gizzard out;
dat gittin his feet wet wuz givin him de lum-
bago, which killed his uncle an dat de hard
tack an pork which he eft only made de liz
zard in his craw more frisky an hongry like.
Slong's he wuz livin on farm, an got plenty
OBJ good vittels de ..lizard ct dem, an lef his
innards alone, but now he cbawed on de coats
oh his stummick, which WIZ tenderer an
uicier dan Commssary meat.
Hit wuz powerful unpleasant tub have him
alters maanin around, when de udder boys
wuz skylarkin an jotin, an tryin tub get all
de fun dere wuz agoin. Dey tried tub tease
and plague him out OBJ his melancholy, but
hit wrz no go, he got wussern an wusser.
He'd go up tub de Surgeons tent ebbery day
at sck-call. but de bluemass an kwiniEe
dat he got diddent seem tub do him no sort
oh good.
Mistuh 10 he felt sorter spOnsible fOh him
bekaze he done bruug him into de mess, jest
bekaze he sorter knowed him up around
Canaioharie, an he decided dat sunhn d got
tub be done.
Wun day when Happy Jake wuz goin on
wussern ebber, Mistuh 10 he picked up his
gun, an seZzee:
Jake, cum along wild me.
Jake groaned an got up an tollered. Mis-
tub 10 he TUX him away outen camp down
tuh bunch oh paw-paws In de rayine, an
den when dey wuz clean outen sight OBJ de
camp, Mistuh 10 he seq monty solemn:
Jake, you haint got long tub lib, has
you?'
.'No, Jo think I shall die very soon.
Dat lizard he gifts sayager ebbery day, an
bites biggern an bigger chunks outen my
craw; de lumbago's scttiin in my back
powerful bad, s)ze | can't skeercely stoop;
/ kin feel de cake in my liver spreadin an
bulgin out. Here, you kin feel hit your
self"
20 So spozed," sez Mistuh 10, loadin his
gun very keerfully. 'Now, Jake, de sooner
we kin end hit de better foh You an de Gov
'ment. You've in misery ebbery minnit, an
youze costin de Gov 'ment heaps oh money toh
your pay an keep an medicines. You haint
done hit cents wort oh duty sence you bin
in de camp Den we've likely tub skin outen
here emmy minnit. You can't keep up, an
you've sartin tub be gobbled up by Mosby an
be roasted alive same as he done dem Skow-
hegan boys he kotched last week. Me an de
boys has talked hit all ober an decided dat
hit'll be a great kindness tub you, an n savin
tub de Gov'ment, tub kill you right now.
We drawed straws tub see who'd do de job,
an / got de long straw. So git ready tub
say your last words"
An Mistuh 10 he put cap on his gun.
80, 10, you aint goin tuh murder me, is
you 2" howled Happy Jake, a-droppn on his
knees
"We doa1t say murder in de ahmy, Jake"
SCI Mistuh 10 very sollum-lihe. We say
execute an kill. But hit amounts tuh de
same at de funeral" "
'sBut, 10, line an innersunt man. ! haint
done muffin tuh desarve KILN. -
Lots o. innersant men killed ebbery day
dat doant desarvc b.. Hits a military need
cessity. Hits war. Hits military need
cessity tub kill you now But what's de use
oh your howlin! You've goin tub die any