Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1898-05-02
SKETCHES BY NJ. QUAD
There Was No Duel.

There Was No Duel.
After supper a dozen or more of us
~congregated in the hotel office for a
smoke, and presently the landlord came
among us to say:
"Gentlemen, we have a fire eater in
this town named Colonel Sebastian. He
has several peculiar theories of his own,
and I wish to post you in advance. He
is very strong in his talk, and should
you differ with him he will challenge
you to a duel. The colonel is a dead
shot, and / hope you'll take a friendly
tip and not engage in a discussion. Let
him have his own way and never mind
what he says"
The colonel had never killed any mi
yet, but that he stood ready to do so if
his opinions were disputed the landlord
felt dead certain, and so we agreed to
agree with the colonel If he came in
all but one. The exception was the
smallest and the most humble looking
man among the guests. No n knew
that he had made up his mind to oppose
the colonel, and when the latter entered
half an hour later he picked him out Of
the crowd as a good man to 60 for. He
got down alongside Of him and after a
bit turned on him with:
Perhaps you have not been inform
cd that I am the originator Of the idea
that all men were N 0 animals Of some
sort and that perfection has only been
reached after many centuries Of timer
"No, sir. I haven't" wa the prompt
reply.
"But I am, sab, and what do you
think of the idea?"
"What idea?"
"Why the one just stated. I think
you heard me, sab. I think you did,"
"Oh, I remember. Well, Idon't train
with that crowd, thank heaven"
"What's that, sah?" exclaimed the
I colonel, as he Strengthened up.
IT said twas glad I didn't train with
that crowd"
"Crowd, sab, crowd? Do you refer to
a man having a great idea as 'crowd?'"
II do. I wouldn't be found dead
alongside Of a man who had an idea Of
that sort. How a mar Of your seeming
intelligence CAM
"Sah! Do you know what you are say
ing?" interrupted the colonel.
lido"
"And that your language is personal
ly offensive, sah-personally offensive?"
"I'm sorry you belong to the crowd
which furnishes great ideas"
"Crowd, sab? Why, you have grossly
insulted me and must at once apologize
or accept a challenge"
"Bring on your challenge, colonel. "
"Then you will fight me, sah?"
Certainly. Just name time, place
and weapons. By the way, I want to
leave in the morning. Can't we fight in
the billiard room-out in the yard-up
in my room? No use waiting until to-
morrow"
"And you'll fight me, sah?" gasped
| the colonel.
with the greatest Of pleasure, and
I'll bet 81, 200 to a shilling l kill you.
Where can we get swords. rifles, pistols
or bowie knives? I am just aching to
fight you"
"You-you won't a~pologize?"
"No, sir, v My object is to kill
you and get a theorist off the face Of the
earth. Hurry up, or I may not be able
to hold myself"
The colonel was on his feet, but be
drew himself up, settled his hat on his
head, and his face was as white as -four,
and his voice trembled as he said:
"Sah, l am a fighter and a dead shot,
sab, but as this is my birthday, sab,
and I don't want to stain it with blood
I overlook your Incorporate language
and will not kill you, sah."
And with that he strobe swiftly out
Of the hotel and was seen no more, and
the landlord, who had heard all, said
to the little man:
"Stay here a month if you can, and
there will be no bill to pay. I've known
the colonel for six years, and I thought
he ate fire instead of cotton"