davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-01
CHARLES DWIGHT SIGSBEE.

Charles D. Sigsbee, the captain OF tho Maine at
ths t,mo she was blown up. Is regarded as one
OF tho level headed. cool. plucky men who nave
made their Impress felt the modern Navy 0.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
An Unheeded Warning.

Miss H was taking railway
journey. A suave old gentleman sit
ting opposite her presently bent for
ward and said, with gentle reproof:
"Excuse me. but do you think it wise,
when there are so many thieves about,
to carry your purse so conspicuous
ly?' As he spoke he pointed to her
purse, which was projecting slightly
from her pocket. Miss H, consi-
dering the stranger rather officious,
thrust the portmonnaie down into her
pocket and thanked him with stiff re-
serve, perhaps a trifie scornfully. At
the next station the old gentleman
got out. AS he did so he turned to his
pretty vis-a-vis with polite bow and
the mischievous indulgence of his
years: "Allow me to restore your
purse. You see, it was not so hard to
lose as you supposed" So saying, he
held out to her the purse she had sup
posed was safely reposing in her pock-
ct. Miss H received it, colored
with childlike modification, thanked
him profusely, and her old friend took
his leave with a friendly smile. A few
minutes later, when the official came
around to collect tickets, Miss H
discovered her purse to be empty
Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Fable for Brides.

One can't but wonder how many
brides will be patriotic enough, right
in the face of tradition and conven-
tionality, to eschew the time honored
orange blossoms. At any rate, there's
alegend going the rounds to the effect
that this priced blossoms thoroughly
Spanish, an African king having in the
dim past presented agnificent tree,
loaded with creamy, fragrant, waxen
blossoms, to the Spanish court. Out
siders begged in vain for branches Of
this famous plant and used any num-
Der of ruses to gain them. Socarefully
were they guarded, however, that for
a long time not one got away. But at
last the fair daughter of the court gar
dener sold one her father had given
her to a foreign ambassado receiving
in return her dot" ,and breaking OK
another branch for herself. Evef
since that wedding day orange blos-
SONS have been considered q fitting
ornament for a, bride. Let us hope her
treachery didn't lose her father his
head. Philadelphia Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
DEVIL OWNS THIS LAND.
1t Was Decided and Willed to His S,s-
tantc Majesty, and F1nland's
Laws Protect Him.

There is only one spot on the earth's
surface that has actually been willed,
decided and bequeathed to his Satanic
majesty. This spot lies AZ miles south
of Helsingfors, Finland.
A few years ago Lara Huilariene
died in the little town of Pielisjarvi,
in the above-named country, leaving
considerable property in the shape of
landed estates. How he had come into
possession of so much land no one
seemed to know, but, as he was very
bad citizen, it was generally admitted
that he was in league with Wiptahausa
(Satan), and that they had many
business deals with each other.
This somewhat startling opinion was
verified when old Huilariene found a
certified warranty deed inclosed there
in, which decided to Satan all his earth
~ possessions. The will was to the
same effect.
The family have repeatedly tried to
break the will, but, so far, have been
unsuccessful; thus, the records plain
ly show that his sulphuric majesty
has a legal right and title to some
excellent grounds in the near vicinity
of Heisingfors. s...5...4
The simple people of the neighbor-
hood have changed the course of the
road which formerly skirted the Hui
lariene homestead, and declare that
they would not enter the possessions
of Satan & Co. for all the money that
the three estates would bring.-Pear-
sons. T.. .5-~,E..-5~
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
His Turn Has Come.

a Missouri. recruit was overheard solilo-
9luIizing as follows: sss never saw anything
like It. Talk about the prod igals son and the
f e, calf! Why, they weren't in it at all
him cards and spades and beat him on his
own o, deal. Nv by, mot hing's too good for me.
The folks kiss me when I 60 out, and kiss
me when come in. I can take my bicycle
IN the front way, thing never dared to
do before. can smoke in the parlor. It
all goes. Nobody says a word. I never
ways in the way about the house. But now.
say, I own the block. The girls ali look
at me as il was a little tin deity. WHY.
even my sister, who never had any use for
me before-said Twas stupid and never could
90 the right thing at the right time is doing
Why, believe that ] could sprinkle the sit.
ting-room floor with ashes and she would
never register kick. IN. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
If You Leave Home

for the summer, go where you will find al
most, literally, a new world. Such spot is
Yellowstone Park There is no place like it
in the world. You will be astonished at what
you see and learn there. A months outing
in those mountains 1900 feet above the sea
level, in an atmosphere pure and invigor-
atlng, would add years to your life. There
are four modern hotels, good roads-main-
tanned by the U. s. Government for rid
ing, driving, or cycling riding horses and
pack trains Geysers, canyons, mud springs,
lakes, cataracts and cascades in large num-
bers are crowded into space 81 by 81
miles in size. If you can afford it, you
wrong yourself by not going there, especi-
ally if you are a patriotic American If
you cannot afford it, then go to beautiful
Leech Lake in Minnesota, new and popu-
lar resort. New hotels, fine fishing and
hunting, and good boating at reasonable
rates: Send Chas. S. Fee, of Northern
Pacific Railway, St. Paul, Mimi, six cents
Tor Wonderland '98, that describes by pen
and picture both resorts. Mention where
advertisement was seen.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
COULD BE HAPPY YET
N1HILE making trip through the
w mountains of eastern Kan+rcLv
The Old Mountaineer Had Had a
Troublesome Time.

N1HILE making Il trip through the
w mountains of eastern Kentucky
last summer I stopped one day under
the inviting shade of thick-headed
beech to rest and cool my horse.
Soon I heard soft, measured tramp,
tramp in the thick dust of the road,
and, looking up, beheld an old man
approaching my shade, his chin against
his breast.
He came up, said: 'Howdy, stran-
GER took seat close by my side and
emitted long, deep sigh.
He took out his jackknife and nerv-
ously whitfield his right shoe sole a
few seconds, then Closed the knife
again, rammed it back in his pocket
and looked around at me with an ex-
preston of desperate agony.
"Mister,' he began, after signing
pause, I'm in heap O. trouble this
ere day. Hits the tip-top of noun
tin of trouble that's bin a-pilin' up
fer the last Is years. I'm list out
huntin' fer some one to help me let
loose Of it little. I'm a-gittin' white
all mixed up in the black of my hair,
an I can't stand up under things as
1 could when there was more sap in
my timber. I want you to advise me
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

HAPPILY WATCHING MY WIFE PLOW
what to do-you are a pirty peart-
lookin' little bowlegged feller."
"Well, tell me your trouble, and I'll
put ina hand if can help you any,
said, smiling.
"Wall, about Is years ago me an
Tom Snodgrass, a near neighbor of
mine, went away off down ter Gin
cinnati to sell lot of fox an coon
skins.
''Wall, we wanted to have er little
time arter we sold cur skins, an so
we got to maxim hog-troughs outen
our stomachs by pourin' lot of stump
water-lool1in' stuff in 'em called lego
beer. Not bein' use ter anything wuss
than moonshine whisky we soon got
so ediotically drunk that we couldn't
tell our own names.
"Wall, when the sunlight o. sense
begin to rise on our intellecks ag'in
I found every cent of my coon-skin
money was gone. I was busted. So
SEE to Tom: 'Tom,' sez I, I'll have
ter borry a leetle speck O. your money
ter git deck passage back on boat
home ~.
''Tom hesertated a leetle while, then
sed: Bill, I amt no Wall street nv
SET, but, by gum! I'm man, Bill
q man clear through from rhyme to
rhyme -an' I'll be cnssed ct don't let
YOU have SO cents. Lots o. fellers. We
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
ARE ALL OUR HEROES DEADq

They did not fight as other soldiers.
When we fired volley they advanced In
stead of going back. The more we fired the
nearer they came to u.s., We are not used
to fighting with men who act so.-State-
ment of Spanish prisoner taken during
Woods charge, June "a, 1898.
Can they foreigners) not see that men
do not fight like this Tin our civil war; for q
mere shoptill?-James Russell Lowell. 80
Are all our heroes dead?
Is American courage fled?
Men told us so
Three months ago,
Ere the word Of war" was said.
Are our city boys all dudes !
Shopkeepers, Weaklings. prudesT
Men told US so
Three months ago,
And warned us 'gainst all feuds.
Are they holiday soldiers" all
just for dress parade and ball
With their guns so bright
And their suits SO tight
AS they spring to the bugle-call?
Do the sons of this Yankee sod
All worship the dollar god?
We have heard for years
These foreigners sneers
AT the land OF pork and cod.
All! stand on this Cuban dune
On the tWenty-fOurth OF June,
And see Woods men
(And theis ncrions tneD,
And you'll sing different tune.
Hear the shrek of each Mauser bali!
See one out of ten men fall!
With never chance
For a single glance
AT the foe, with its cuckoo call.
See TEDDY Roosevelt's "fops"
AS they spring through the chaparral tops
Mere knights of the pen"-
Mere football men
These lads whom the lead neer stops.
See O'Neill march down the Incl
See Capron's saber shine!
With never halt
Meath the leaden salt,
They spring toward the hidden line.
See the awe-struck Spaniards run!
Hear the pop of each Yankee gun!
Mark the total rout;
Hear the victors shout
In the struggle so we'll begun.
See the trench with it's forty dead.
With that "dude,' Fish, at the headJ
All! dudes like these
Shall have knights degrees
In the roll by Washington led.
See Hobsons immortal eight
As they enter hell's yawning gate
While the great guns yells
Sound their funeral knells-
Till they rise, in spite Of fate.
All, Lowell was right when he said
OF our heroes then living and dead
That men don't fight
Like that for the right
To deal in bacon and bread.
IT'S lie, that we worship gold!
IT'S q lie, that our courage Is cold!
Let the carpers that sneered
And said that we feared
Forever their silence hold
j. Scott Clark, in Chicago Evening Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Maud's Special Talent.

George-You would make good ma
gician, Miss Sweetly.
Miss Sweetly (who has just promised
to be sister to George)-And how so?
George Slight of hand, you know.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Getting On.

"How are you getting along with
your housekeeping?" asked the young
wife's mother.
ooh, splendidly," she answered. II
have almost gotten so I can do things
to suit the hired girl" -Washington
Star
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
The Most Imnortant.

Il suppose there are. many prob
lens which polar explorers seek to
solver said the unscientific man.
YES" replied the intrepid traveller,
"a great many" ,..
(which is the most important one p
Getting ck."-Tit-Bits. G
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
In Our BoarGinr Hou.e.

They say a carrier pigeon will go
further than any other Bird" said the
boarder, between bites.
We'll, reckon I'll have to try one,"
said the landlady; II notice chicken
doesn't go very far States
man. 81!
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
The Execution.

Shea burned child breads the fire,
it is said.
He-Oh, 1 don't know; the majority
of widowers marry again.-Chicago
Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
One Good Result.

This war has worked in woman
One change in which man brags-
She's dropped her fad of crazy quilts
And gone to making flags.
Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
In a Legal Way,

DO you know, sir,'' said the irate
judge to the voluble witness, "what
constitutes truth?'
Yes, your honor" promptly replied
the witness, "a lie sworn to.''-San
Francisco Examiner.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Shopping Money.

. Harry, said Mrs. Tredway to her
nus ~ band at the breakfast table, Il am
quite out Of money and I want to spend.
the day shopping. Let me have 60
CENTS b
~ hat do you want 60 cents for?"
= Ten cents for car fare. and so cents
for luncheon. ''-Harper's Bazaar.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

Woman in War. Times.
She gets up fetes and festivals,
This dame of drollest stamp,
And robs a lot OF men at home
To help the men in camp.
Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
.Alwaya WiIIinr-

Mattie-What would you do if a
young man was to kiss you against
your will?
Helen-Oh, pshaw! Such a thing
would be impossible.-Chicago Daily
News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Culpable Carelessness.

Grinkham-They say that in battle
that takes effect.
Crunchem (the motorman) livery
likely. I sometimes pass as high as
200 people before hit one.-N. Y.
World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Before the Trouble.

O'Kelly-Sure, an me son writes
thot he intinds to open bank out
west.
McFlynn-An' did he say if he would
use dynamite or an electric drill, now?
P. S.-Funeral notices later.-N. Y.
World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Immediate Reconciliation.

r, She-You know you married me, John
Henry, to get into good society!
He (haying stopped to count fve)-Of
course did, dear. And got into it, too
your society," Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

G.. A: r. Encampment Sept. $40 $500
Queen & Crescent Route, Cincinnati, Chat
tanooga and return. W. G. Rinearson, Genl
Pass'r Agt., Cin'ti, O.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
A Popular Fallacy.

He who declares that talk is cheap"
His error would confess, had he
To pay, for gowns, the shining heap
My wife has just talked out Of me.
Harlem Life. 80 =
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

One is always surprised if workman who
is always Dragging about his work is found
to be doing it well.-Washington Ia.) Dem
Ocrat,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Unable to Attend.

Jones wasn't at the poker party,
was hep
mo. He was storm bound.'
"But there wasn't any Storm
ooh! yes; there was. His wife heard
about the poker party."-Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

=. Fits stopped free and permanently cured.
No fits after first days use of DR.. Kline's
Great Nerve Restorer. Free So trial bottle &
treatise. DR.. Kline, 933 Arch st., Phila., Pa.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

Piso's Cure for Consumption has no equal
as a Cough medicine:-F: NJ: Abbott, 1888
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

The statutes should provide that any man
is entitled to divorce without trial if his
wife saves the coolest room in the house for
visitors.-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

, One reason why 'tit pays to be honest is
because there is less competition along that
line.-L. A. w. Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

Everybody likes to tell sensational news,
whether it is good or bad.-Washington Qa.)
Democrat
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Something to BE Done,

something to Be Done.
MY dog is almost as intelligent as I
am" remarked Squildig.
Are you going to have him shot or
will you try to give him away?" asked
McSwilligen. Pittsburgh Chronicle
Telegraph.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

Foreign Visitor-Does it cost much
to live in New York?
Host~No, sir, it doesn't cost much
to live in this city; but it costs like
Sam Hill to keep up appearances.-N.
Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Wheat 40 Gents n Rushel.

How to grow wheat with big profit at 40
cents and samples of Salzer's Red Cross $50
Bushels per acre. Winter Wheat, Rye, Oats,
Clovers, etc., with Farm Seed Catalogue for
cents postage. JOHN A. SALZER SEED
CO., La Crosse. Wis. K
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
The Worlds Way.
dough

Win and the world is with you:
Lose, and men'll forget,
For they always know the chap with the
dough,
And remember his name, you bet.
Chicago Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Wouldn't Give Them Away.

Poetess-The poem I sent you, MIR.
Editor, contains the deepest secrets of
my soul.
Editor-I know it, madam, and no
one shall ever find them out through
me.-Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

"One thing more wish to say, some
times [ like to do my own cooking"
The New Cook-Oh, that's all right;
I'm not so very particular.-Fliegende
Blaetter.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
From Bad to Worse

From Bad to Worse.
A dirty street through musty mart
Can ne'er be cured by the sprinkling cart:
For all it does, with it's awful flood,
Is simply to change the dust to mud.
L. A. w. Bulletin
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
NOT so EASILY PHASED.

''Now, I'll ask you for the last time
when you intend to pay me?"
SWELL thank heaven, there's going
to be an end to that stupid question"
-Heiter Welt.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

A married woman pretends often to be
fooled when she is not.-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

To Cure a Cold in One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. Csc.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
An Exidence

s Il believe he thinks more Of her
money than he does of her"
i Yes. He always had such good
taste. Detroit Free Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
A RiEhf tn Ro H0n~hfv

Don't blame her, though her face ma.
light
With pride that's strange to view.
Her lips are red; her teeth are white:
Her tender eyes are blue.
WASHINGTON Star
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

G.. A. R. $500 rate Sept 8, and 10. Gin.
cinnati to Chickamauga, @. & C. Route.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
The Annual Rest.

IT'S now the glad vacation time;
Dick takes his for week-and then
Comes home and in month or so
Gets fairly rested up again.
Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Not ! Social Martyr.

q Why didn't you go to the garden
party 81
Il decided to stay at home and en-
joy myself. =" Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
5Prac tice Makes Perfect.

Practice Makes Perfect.
Miss Elderly Don t you think carry
my age well
Miss Pert You ought to. You've car.
yied It long enough ]. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11
Anxious to Know

Old Gotrox-I don't wish you for
son-in-law, sir.
Young Man-No? You haven't any
other good position you could give
fellow, have you IN. Z. Truth. i.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-08-11

HE'S it hard on your throat when
you learn to sing? - e..
She--No. Hard on the neighbors.-
Philadelphia Press.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-01-09
BRIEF BITS OF NEWS.

Jacob Rosenberger, a Souderton. Pa.
farmer sheltered las tramps in his barn
during the year 1887.
A I7-year-old mother. Mary Comisky, has
been acquitted in Il Chicago court of the
charge of numbering her baby.
After refusing food for three months. Mrs.
Olive Trafton. of Auburn. Me-. succeeded
in committing suicide by starving herself.
A report favoring the re-establishment
of the whipping post has been submitted
by the Virginia house committee on courts
of justice.
When a drunken crowd in Glenda Tex.
undertook 10 bully Seward Gray, who had
lust moved there from Jefferson county ILL.,,
he shot and killed three of them.
An old maid of Ga named Mary Gibbons.
who lives four miles south of Milan. Mo-.
death before help could reach her.
New postoffices nave been established
and postmasters appointed as follows:
Chaffee. Cherokee nation. /. T.. Ezra A.
Chaffee; Oberg, Clay county kas., Gustav
Oberg.
A.. J.. Rogers. an old settler, died at his
home in Mexico. Mo-, Friday. His son
Charles is cashier of the Slater bank. at
that place, and another son. Robert Rog-
ers, is county prosecuting attorney.
Captain Hale, OF the Hutchinson, kas.
Salvation Army, was fined in police court
for stopping a street car mule which was
breaking the line of the Salvation Army
parade. Hale appealed to the district court
and won the case.
The latest postofiice appointments are as
follows: Kansas-osage county, Barclay,
Z. F. Painter; Smith county. Bellaire, Sam
uel HILL; Penalsoa, Samuel Plush; Chase
county. Toledo. Thomas Woolwine: Cow
ley county, Udalla. Daniel Vim. Missouri
johnson county. Robins, r. Barnett.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-01-09
"BRYAN AND WILLIAMS"
Boom for George Fred for n VIC
Presidency Started in Denver
Inst Night.

Boom for George Fred fOr the sice
Presidency Started in Denver
Last Night.
Denver, Col, Jan. S.-George Fred Will
iams. of Boston. was one of the principal
speakers at the annual meeting OF the
jackson Club at Wier's hall, in this city,
tonight. Governor Alva Adams made the
opening speech. after which MIR. Williams
was introduced.
Mr.. Williams began with a few remarks
on the power of the banks In polltics. he
ferring to the present administration, MI.
Williams said he believed Secretary cage
was honest and that he truly represented
The president who appointed him 10 ONCE:
Tn speaker warned the Democrats asaihsI
allowing any new issues to be Incorporated
into the platform of 1899. A plank that
might win back the gold Democrats. ne
said. would drive many silver Democrats
away and all the silver Republicans: the
|scan people. he said. were clearly. ana
travely handled in the platform OF lsSo.
and the party must stand or fall by the
utterances of that convention.
And as for the candidate in 1900" con-
tinued Mr.. Williams. the man has al
ready been named. He is William J: Bry-
On. 1t Is no more necessary that tne
friends of government by the people should
have one platform than that they should
have one candidate. l regard it as for
tunate that our candidate was not elected
in 1896, for. with a Republican congress.
the sins Of the Republicans would have
been visited upon the Democrats. II the
| policy of the Republicans continues to bear
fruit as it has done so far, the Democratic
victory in 1900 will include in its trophies
not only the presidential chair. but a large
| majority of the seats in congress-
During the evening several speakers re-
ferred to Mr.. Williams as a popular can
combination, Bryan and Williams" was
cheered to the echo.