Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1898-01-13
Nick,s New Appetizer.

Mr. EDIToR:-Rather than telephone
you, / now take nv frozen ink in hand
Whitfield to point, to write you. Not
having communicated with you since my
hunting trip, write TO inform you OF the
healt h OF Tenderfoot and myself. Health
is the best thing in this world and | own
considerable of it. Lately ! have gained
20 pounds-not English money, but in
weight--and Tendertoot il convalescing.
He has been patient OF mine, testing an
appetizer that / must now inform you
about.
One day was busy studying astronomy
out of an almanac, when my front door
bell rang, and Kobus, our manservaDt. led
Tenderfo u into my presence. II was not
the reudish red OF his necktie, the cotton
W ,iteness OF his skin, nor yet the iimpid
d ept n of his eve eyes that would need
plue goggles wht the eectrics are turned
o.. No, there was something beyond
tina thnt attracted my attention to his
personality. / kept loo king at him and
his voice broke in up the reverie that
surrounded me. He wanted an appetite,
and by the WOODY expression on his face,
| believed him.
He made a picture hat would TO ever
hang on memory's wa l. II vas pitiablel
1t would almost make the paint run off
the cheeks OF wax doll. l had to dag
nose his case. He had been an active
member OF the Sons of Rest, and going to
school was his pastime. He was in some
sophomore class before the hard times
struck the United States. His classmates
cat ed him "Corns" as he was often at the
foot OF the ass. There we're times when
he was the "only twinkling starF he
was the only scholar that ever figured how
many apple pie pans i would take to
shingle woodshed 17x17x17.
On another occasion the teacher re.
uuested him "fo bring in some original
lines" He did. The original lines, -
--." One morning he came late to
school and dreaded to face the teacher.
She called on him for his algebra He
ar lse and his featherweight frame trem-
Died like p keross ne lamp in breezy hall.
He ssked her if she wound mex him for
thing he stdidn't do?" "Ceriainly not,n
replied the school ma'em. "Didn I. DO.
nv algehra!" ae stsmmered. She licked
MN all the same, until be fell on one leg
and both ears.
/ listened and relaxed my features at his
conversation and came to the conclusi N
that his loss of appetite was caused by
oyerstudy. lacked strength t. practice
osteopathy on him. | was afraid my face
you'd ache talking Christian Science.
Knowing what an appetite a goat has a
mortgage on, decided to try goats milk,
and see il | could get some "eat-any-
thing microbes" from the milk into his
system. To mary that form of treatment
would seem strange. That amt any
stranger than a barber being able to cut
John Herrick's hair with his hat on, Ell?
II would be cruel to give it to man in
Klondike, and it must be used with eau
tion in land of plenty. Ii 1t agrees with
a person it makes life seem absolutely
real.
| had milk shipped from herd OF
Broo kIyn goats that could eat hoop-skirts,
tomato cans, putty or glass. l started
Tenderfoot on u pints per day, and three
pints extra if he was up nights. On
three weeks trial | Looked across the
equator OF his vest and noted oenenclal
result. Today invited him to supper at
the Hotel de Comfort, managed by "Mis-
fer Jimmie' New.nn's wife.