The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1898-10-08

The Cow ersuS The Hen
An ingenious Illinois scientist has
announced d discovery that bids fair
to make great inroads on the poultry
business and at the same time add lus-
ter to the already brilliant halo that
surrounds the cow. He i about 10
perfect Il process whereby egg may be
made out OF milk. and already there Is
marked depression in gallinaceone cir
cle-. If the report lie true. then indeed
i old ''Gominicker's' occupation
gone. Neve. theless it is Il great tri-
umph for the cOw a steady and run-
seryative beast who has never created
any sensation in the world except ON
that memorable ard historical Cccas-
ion when she jumped over the moon.
Since that saltatUrial exploit she has
moved quietly along, chewing the cud
of sweet OF bitter fancy. according to
the weather. and fully engroSsed in
her arduous duties a. the wet nurse of
the nation.
Between the COW and the hen, as is
we'll known. there has long been a
friendly rivalry for the first place in
tie affections of mankind. but the new
discovery makes the former absolute
mistress OF the situation. She has al
ways had it in her power to cause IA
stringency in milkshakes by the sim
pie but effective method of refusing to
give down: and now, in usurping the
functions Of the hen. she can. by the
same process. control the output of
custard pie. omelet. and eggnog, be-
sides other necessaries of life. and
thereby work Il great hardship on the
plain people. She therefore Las il in
her power to become a trust. a milk
and egg combine. and may be destin-
ed in due time 10 receive the maledi-
tiOns of the ''pe"capiterS' and the oh
jurgatioEs of the advocates of the usu-
frrct. Nay. the COW is in imminent
danger of becoming an octopus. equal
IN rapacity to the most >limmy cutie
fish that ever squirmed Guder the de-
EunciationS of a Populist convention
or writhed under the vituperation of
the Hon. Colonel Billstone. If. by
the meddleSome discovery of the
prairie scientist, the COW should be-
come Il plutOcrat with her hoofs plant
ed on the tOiling masses, that mis-
c%hievous person should receive the ex-
ecrations OF every initiative and refer
endumist in the land.
In the halcyon days of the Golden
Age when the poets were always sing
ing o! pastures and spring and milk
ful uddrrs swelling" milk was used
"a a lihation to the muses., and it seems
t" be a fitting thing after a lapse of
many centuries that the speculative
aid meditative hen should dedicate
her simple lay to the COW. As for the
ultimate effect of the new discovery
upon BiGdy, it is not difficult to fore
see what that will be. 1t will enable
her to enjoy a much needed rest. and
She will have little to do except to pur
sue the matutinal worn. in which en-
plOyment she will doubtless achieve
the success that always attends the
early bird. Her yolk will he easy and
he" burden light. and beyond the owl
latiOn necessary To supply the patent
incubator. her life'will be pleasant and
void Of excitement. The fact that the
country is full of Ornithophagous cler-
gymen, whom popular tradition cred
its with abnormal longing for chick
ems of the acknowledged variety, may
perhaps give her an occasional pang,
but IN the whole her life will he free
from care.
1t is currently reported that the in
genious Illinois sayant is not content
to rest on his laurels, but is already
in Rot pursuit OF an idea to make duck
eggs ont of the milk of the sea cow
Kansas City Journal.