Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-03-07
DON'T Be MODEST.
THE IDLER THINKS sELF-IsrLA-
Troy A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
FOOT YOUR HORN LONG AND LOUDLY
You Can't lie Whale Unless You
spout Among the Minnows-Ances-
trail Rabies and Pride OF Fore
fathers.

nice things said about them-on their
tombstones. But in real life the fellow
who tooteth not his own horn generally
finds himself sooner or later. the under
dog In the fight: and. what is more, the
other dog Is invariably the canine that
gets the bone. In Aesop's fables we read
about n frog that undertook to pun HIM
self up as big as a bull, and as a con-
sequence of this self-infation he bust
if I may use this vugarly expressive
word 10 accurately convey an idea of his
fate. But the conditions have changed
since the days when Aesop hammered
his now obsolete pattern of typewriter.
and In our heart of hearts we know that
il that frog could be resurrected and
have another chance at self-infiation, he
would soon have the bull thinking that
he was much the bigger quadruped OF the
two. The public loves so dearly 10 be
bamboozled and swindled, and 1t gulps at
the bait offered by the fellow who isn't
accused OF modesty. while the shy, tlmid
chap who generally waits out on the
curb-stone has hard time to 80 much
as get his name in the city directory.
And even IL he does get 1t there, it's
printed I'm small type, while the indi-
vidual with the cheek is immortaliZed IN
letters as big as your hand. For my part.
am tired Of being modest. and hence
forth am resolved TO lead a better life
to cause folk TO believe that / am the
only pebble on the beach, and that Nc
Kinley and his Cabinet never make q
move on the international chess-board
without first receiving my views on the
subject II l persist I'm these views Of
myself-at present 1 am peculiarly unique
in my opinions-by and by some nonentity
will come over 10 my way of thinking,
and then others will follow. until / get
TO be a colossus whom people will be
proud to know. II takes time to grow
from nothingness into Importance ana
I've got TO commence at the very bottom,
but, sooner or later the little minnows
will begin TO nibble, and after them will
come the big fish.
At first. I shall only ask the papers TO
put me aa among those present at the
various functions OF our miserably-paved
municipality. but later on / shall expect
my movements 10 be closely watched and
my visits TO neighboring towns to be
noted among the personals. Next, l shall
demand that my Views on important
subjects-exempli gratia, whether the
Maine was blown up from the outside or
inside-be asked. and following that |
shall expect 10 hear that l am mention
ed for the Common Council" AS soon
as a man is mentioned for public office
even though he does all the mentioning"
himself, then the public begin to prick
their ears and prepare to gulp the most
alluring bait that is offered them. Doubt
less ! shall decline to run for the Council
(tnQrn N I nal
not fail to let the world know that 1
spurned the overtures OF my admiring
constituents. After that propose TO get
mixed up. as instigator, In an investiga-
ton Of some sort. and, possibly, 1 may
even decline TO be interviewed when the
reporters call to see me. In declining,
however, i shall not lose the opportunity
of getting my name in the papers. but
shall make mysterious hints and ominous
threats without exactly knowing myself
at what l am limiting. or what / am
threatening. BY this time the gullible
public-ever eager to take a man at his
own estimate, II he places a high value
on himself-will whisper about me as
come i'm church and chunk each other i'm
their short ribs at every movement
make.
They'll say: There must be something
in that fellow, for we are always hear
ing about him. Where there's so much
smoke there must be some fire." A few
who know me and take me as my true
worth (nothing) will at first be much
amused at my ACKNOWLEDGMENT, and will
drop aroJ0d, as they say, ito hear me
and loudly they. too, will become con-
WINGED. And lastly, when the public ac-
knowledge me. as a great man, I'll begin
to think so myself, and ere the sun sets
on my glory 1 will be as a sp0uting
whale among shoal of tadpoles. Tall
trees from little acorns grow.
Ancestral rabies now prevail to an ex-
tent equalled only by our thirst for gold.
Distinguished-or, rather, notorious
progenitor3 are as much to be desired as
20 per cent dividends, Every day we are
going into permanent organizations for
perpetuating and modelling the offspring
of by-gOne celebrities, or classes OF cele-
brities. Yesterday we heard Of the
Daughters OF Evolution. and to-day 1t Is
the Sons Of the Thirteenth Century
Changing, while tomorrow it will be
the Society of the Ancient order OF Hold
Carriers. No matter what the ancestor
did. provided he is sufficiently ancient
and has a name or calling that sounds
VIZ anu WIN hH'@N fN'~Ai+'~
tons, he can look down from high
Heaven, If he happens 10 be there, and
gaze on thousands who claim to be his
sclons. He will behold presidents, com
manders, regents, vice-regents, moguls,
grand high muckahucks, and what not
who are gloating I'm the belief that his
blood flows through their veins. Perhaps
the ancient gentleman Will recall the fact
that he wasn't married, and therefore,
isn't legally entitled to representation on
earth. but this little bar-sinister incident
will not cut any figure with his on
spring-that is. supposing the incident Is
mellowed by the lapse OF years. IN fact'
this species Of rabies, which so Tar Is
confined entirely TO people, and has not
vet broken out among CANNES, requires
a quality which is likewise requisite for
the good standing OF whiskey--to wit. a
liberal ingredient of old age. And yet
in the face Of all these facts. the lovers
Of ancient things, and especially OF over
ripe ROYALTY. recently received shock In
I london which was like unto the concus-
sion from an exploding torpedo. At a
sale of curios, three Egyptian mummies
1.-TWO kings and a queen)' only brought
s375. although they were 2,iOO years Old
and duly authenticated by properly certi-
ned documents. Think Of It, ladies end
gentlemen. Pause and reflect, o. Daugh-
tiers OF f., olution; stop and cogitate. ye
Sons of the Thirteenth Century Chain-
gang. Hearken unto the udings, We
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