The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1898-09-23
A Narrow Escape.

We were feeling quite badl,
last week. Never felt so reall,
r mean in all our life, and for a Ion!
j. time we were afraid we were go
l ing to be laid up for good. I
| thick impenetrable gloom over
: hung our every moment. Hor
rible fancies filled our mind; oul
nerves trans formed the mos
beautiful music into dismal dis
cords. We felt desperate. We
wanted to kick the harmless
house cat every time she was
within reach, and we pounded
the old gray mare until in self
defense she attempted to kick
our face off. A strange desire
to make faces at our darling baby
girl and a yearning to butcher
the wife our bosom had taken
possession of us. The beautiful
autumn sun that is now making
these September days SO glor-
ious was to us a rolling ball of
fire; the quiet and inoffensive
moon became to us menace of
disaster and the magnificent
galaxy of stars myriad Of de
moniac eyes, only awaiting a
chance to pierce US through.
The whole world seemed dark
and gloomy, and in our dreams
the plutocrats We're strangling
Us and the money power gnaw-
ing at our vitals and there was
no health in us-we felt altogeth-
CT like d cast-away. We loaded
ourselves with pills and patent
medicine until all we needed was
some colored lights to pass for a
wholesale drug store on stills.
We even consulted the doctors,
but they told us there was no
hope for us. We commenced to
figure up the things we had been
eating and drinking, but could
not find that we had violated the
laws Of health more than was our
usual custom. Shake ourself as
we would there was a bad taste
in our mouth, our breakfast food
would lie dormant for days, and
our usually docile, hard work.
ing digestive apparatus appear
ed to be on a perpetual strike for
higher wages; our liver refused
to take off its coat and get to
work; our heart would make a
two strike and then quit for the
day, our head sWelled up to
three times its normal size;
our feet We're cold, and an icy
clamminess pervaded our whole
diaphragm. Then we went toour
past record to locate wherein we
had sinned against nature and
brought ourself into the horrible
mystery that surrounded US.
We searched in vain, We're about
giving up in despair, and had re-
solved to end the terrible night
mare by going over to the creek,
and there to drink a cup Of rat
poison, shoot our head off and
roll into the turbulent waters of
the Milestone and disappear
forever, when we picked up last
week S HERALD ADVANCE, and
there on our patent lnsldes
was an explanation of the whole
trouble. We had indeed turned
populist without knowing it, for
before our eyes We're two col
umns of the most senseless driv-
el that ever disgraced white
paper glorifying Bryan and
free silver and denouncing the
republican administration. We
have bought ticket for Sioux
Falls also a large bowie knife
and rapid fire gun. There will
be Grape on the outer door Of a
certain patent house, and widows
and sweethearts down in Petit
grew S balliWick will be mourn
ing for loved ones who will be
init, But we want to say to
our republican friends, don't be
too severe on your popullst
neighbors. We have had only
the first symptoms Of the disease
what must the poor wretches
have suffered who have had this
thing hanging on them for years.
They are entitled to commisera-
ton rather than condemnation.
We would prefer to take our
chances with yellow fever, hy-
drophobia, smallpox or leprosy
than to have it fastened upon us
i -, al, ra.aia fas.,,,