The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1898-07-31
CURLY KIRK "A CoNoUERoR

B.
CURLY KIRK "A CONQCEROR
Santiago de Cuba, July % via Guanta-
namo, July %. via Ponce, July q, via Key
West, July Is via Kiowa. July 2s.-You
who have read Roman history know
thing or two about conquerors. so far as
the ancients are concerned. But things
have changed.
Take my advice and don't be a con-
queror There Is nothing in il these mod
ern times. There is more in being con-
quered.
In ancient Rome when a man conquer
ed something he didn't apologize for IT.
He just put on his rubber boots and went
out and got drunk and rubbed the signs
off the telegraph posts. 1 remember that
there was a female called Zenobia run
ming a sort of kingdom at a water-tank
away out in Persia called Palmyra. She
thought she had the world with a fence
around it and a dog to guard it, but one
day one of the Caesar boys came along
with his army and gave the town of Pal
myra a punch or two and captured Zen
obla and took her back to Rome. 1t paid
to be a cOnqueror then. Here young
Caesar had walked in on a woman in the
privacy of her own kingdom. tied chain
around her neck and led her back 10
Rome. OF course the town got onto the
fact that he was coming. The city coun-
ell of Rome appropriated fifteen hundred
sestertia to make a proper blowout, and
the hotel men contributed ten sestertia
each. while the restaurants refused TO put
up because they claimed the church folks
would set up lunch rooms themselves for
that day and take the trade. Wen, every
thing was ready. a greac crowd assem-
bled to see Caesar and his slave come IN.
People were crowded on the corners and
children were eating aIl-day suckers and
peanuts and falling over each other and
bakery wagons were running away. and
the chief of police was wildly rushing
from one place to get to another and Won
dering what he did it for when the got
there, when the band struck up and the
procession entered town. First came Gaze
sar. smiling and bowling. Then came
wagons and chariots and soldiers and
finally whole menagerie OF wild animals.
growing and splitting and suarling. And
behind 1t all came poor little Queen Zen
obia with a big chain around her neck,
her body plumb naked and her feet bleed
Ing. shaking aud weeping every time the
lion in front Of her gave a snort She was
a beautiful creature but the people yell
ed at her that the chief of police would
arrest her If she didn't soon make con-
neetions with a wardrobe, and a man fol-
lowed her with a sign reading: Go 70
Cassius Smiths for new spring gingnams,
only cents yard"
After the procession they chucked her
into prison with felons, and that night
Caesar put down his glass and said TO
his chief counsellor:
Have you fed the lions yet?'
NO, most honorable sir"
Wei. do IT,"
That is all there was TO poor Zenobia's
obituary
I believe IN the conqusTor having little
splurge0logicaI amusement. but the Cae-
sars went too far. But what about US
Americans? III tell you about that.
was detailed u come into this con-
quered town with ten men and guard the
military governors palace As was
passing along the street what should
see in a pawn shop window but ny sow
enirs-and for sale. walked in there and
In kind OF infant spane lingo said:
Hand them Ou,."
TAe spa niarI wouldn't do T.
I grabbed him and We had a scrap.
Some one parted Us and f, turned out 10
be General McKGo5en. acting governor.
He shook ne roughly ard ordered ne
from the building I struck an attitude
and said:
Let the greasy ggitaT-Taanger tim
over th1se souvenirs.
Are they yours asked the general.
They are" said
Wei. you can eet than D. rep,evia
through The courts" h said
Tcat rlied me stepped back and llf,ef
ny hand high agovc my head 7 can.
can - said IN taunder zones y can
rsplev3n, en- ! can 50 before 4 sparisa
Judge can !. with Spanish attorney and
gel justice. can = can get riga, from q
Spanish jury. caa Il i ere name q ire
brsg=a heavens general e tAls ana, yoa
call coaqua-snE1
u: IS t3e American policy he sad So
vere.y. @to freat ere enemy after capture
v1th conss6a-ssoa-
~Oh.~ I zais spmsly. I bsg yozr par
don. Ess-, informed"
AS stationed that nlEat ~.;h ny
sazzs around TIA; palace. General 10
Flabea went ost g 1ius zlta a s7ar-sa
general. Z 90 . r4la.zE Ike sEly-as-
damned thought % cur poo- army sat
rr thoss rn1untaias sLeapizE ia ~ sesx-
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s,rsrksr- faegs1 ard Glss-auFa, !
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IS over ard ever 81 the fessfe can1,s sa,
and ,s5E-h- = tae l9as,Y vraves 9a: ~
tze -aaz--zlzs sn1 ka-sr.ca1 Eetaers ana
SISTERS wesnE ts ssca 1-eers arzrs away
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