The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1898-12-01
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WIT AND HUM0R.
Up'tn.Date Jokes and Witticisms From thu
Comic Papers.


Twas dusk when q well-kEown
football rang
On the fiinty pavement, and who
goes there %
The saucy challenge to red lips
sprang.
ga friend" her lover replied in bliss
He was more than a mere friend, |
opine,
For four lips met in the password
kiss
Over the front gates picket-line.
THE REAL ORDEAL.
"I hear he refused to take chloro-
form when he was operated on"
Eyes; said he'd rather take it when
he paid his bill"
DISSATISFIED.
whats the matter with the Chin
ese Emperor ?" inquired Lii Hung
Chang.
son, he's sulking again, answered
the Empress Dowager. "He says his
latest obituary notice wasn't nearly
complimentary enough. "
HIS INFANT PRODIGY.
Yeast-There's lady pianist at the
museum who plays with her toes.
Crimsonbeak-Umph That s moth
ing; my baby does that.
BOTTOM AND TOP.
"I scorn thee from the bottom of
my heart !" exclaimed the proud
beauty.
''But is there not always room at
the top 2" faltered the distracted
youth, becoming confused at this
point.
For the precepts learned at moth
er's knee, or from copybooks, ever
and anon come rushing back upon us
with resistless force.
PROUD OF HIS SOCIETY.
"What's that button you're wear
ing ?" asked the Young Thing; mot
Sons of the American Evolution ?"
"No," said the Major. Il should
think not. Pm proud of that button.
1t is the insignia, the outward and
visible sign of the largest military
society in the United States.
whats its name ?"
Society of the First Man up San
Juan Hill"
MORE IMPORTANT.
Book Characterization me, mad
am, but are you interested in the
study of prehistoric man
Miss Antique-No, indeed! 1t
keeps me busy trying to get the man
of to- day interested in me-"
School Trustee-Seems to me them
fellers that get up the dictionaries
wasted all awful lot of time.
Village Teacher-How
School Trustee-Puttin' in all them
common words that everybody knows
the meanin of.
SHE WAS ECLIPsED.
eyes, her picture was in the paper
all right; but you never saw maddel
woman in your life. ="
Didn't she want it there p
"Of course she wanted it there, but
they put her on the same page with
naval hero.
AN OBJECT OF PITY.
"It is a terrible thing to be near
sighted.
Cant dodge your creditors ?"
"That's not the worst. I'm always
walking into the parlor when my wife
has company"
BETTER THAN MOSS.
"A rolling stone gathers no moss
said his father.
Doubtless you are right, said his
son. "but rolling stones of the human
species often gather rocks.
THE THINGS SHE SAW.
Mr.. Meekton thought he would dis
pei his wifes cold and naughty de-
meanor by an effort to be facetious.
"Well," he said, did you see any
mermaids while you were at the sea
shore ?"
"No." she answered, in her habit
ual tone of superiority, "but l saw a
number of mere men"
AN IMpRoMPTU ANSWER.
Mr.. Flohrwalker. All Miss Cum
mings Now that have an opportu-
nifty, wish to tell you that l love
you; that my whole heart, my whole
life, is yours What, oh what more
can woman want
Miss Cummings (who has just fin
ished waiting on customer.
Cash !!
NEUTER GENDER.
Mrs. De Sour (angrily).-I want
YOU to keep your dog out OF my house
Mrs. De Smart. It's full of feas.
Mrs. De Smart Mercy on me !!
Fidol Come here, sir (! Don't you go
into that house again. It's full OF
heas.
MEETING THE CASE.