davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times., 1898-04-11

doubt as to whether this salutatory will
also be my vaIedictory. l don't really
believe you see the point yet.
The expedient of the artist who labeled
his work so definitely as TO admit of nc
doubt as to whether he had painted a
waterscape in Venice or reproduced the
gories of the setting sun in the Yose-
mite Valley is equaled only by the as
surance of the humorists who write their
stuff under headings that sort of
break the news gently to the patient
reader that he is reading humOr. | have
not the gall to attempt anything of the
sort. have, l think wisely, taken the
copy at my own approximation. and
have headed it accordingly. Kindly ring
me up when you see the point
| had a friend who used to think he
could write humor. He was employed as
head pill-roller at the drug counter of
big department store in New York. He
used TO read some of his paretic para
graphs TO his friends-that is. they were
his friends until he began to make q
practice of it. Finally, in an evil mo-
ment, he was induced by a man, who had
a grudge against an editor VINO had re-
fused some verses he had written to sub
NIT some of his droolings to the man of
paste and paragraphs. | won't say Just
what happened but | can cause you to
have a faint idea of it by opposition
which is. after ALL the most conclusive
way of conveying an impressiOn-espec-
tally If you owe money and are good on
the owe. That young man wasn't happy
after that. 1t preyed upon his mind to
such an extent that he took 10 follow
ing the horses-he accepted" (Which is
the way the papers would put it,, a posi-
ton with a cross-town railway as driver
of a pair of their somnambulists. Then
he left home and mother and ran away
to sea. Finally he shipped as chef in
Chinese junk. and was sunk by iron
pyrites who attacked the craft off
Formosa.
Then, again, a fellows digestion is apt
to get out of order if he takes to writing
humor for living. He generally gets so
little TO lodge between his inferior and
the superior maXillaries that his diges-
tion does not get worn out by working
overtime. a strangely inspired writer has
said, Uneasy lies the man who lives on
a meal ticket" The up-to-date humorist
scarcely ever knows how to spell those
two magic words but he generally lies,
commentary on the life of an alleged hu-
morist I'm not a humorist, so | eat. To-
morrow I'll begin to attack the circula-
ton list of the paper by writing some
stuff which actually may make you
smile. But | don't think you have seen
the point.
The times., 1898-04-11
Munihcence of Spanish Nobility.

(From the New York Tribune)
The Duke OF Veragua presents one OF his
bulls to the Spanish patriotic fund. and the
first bull-hghter in the kingdom offers TO turn
III his Zee for killing it To the same account.
Against the financial resources OF the United
States the joint contribution may not 20 far,
but is shows that the hearts OF duke and mata-
dor beat high for their native land. the SeHtl-
ments of the bull meanwhile not entering into
the consideration.
The times., 1898-04-11
Try GRAln-lI TRY GRaIH.lI

ASK your Grocer toda To show you pack
age of GRA'N-O the new fUcu drink that
drink 1t WIthoutiniuTy We'll as the adult.
a IL who try it, like it. GRAIN-O has tnat
rich seal brown of Mocha or Java, but it is
innde from pure grains, and the most deli
cate stomach receives 1t without distress.
One-quarter the price OF eDffee / 5o and 200
per package. Sola Dy all grccers ja27-u
The times., 1898-04-11
SPECIAL NOTICES.

FIFTEENTH SERIES-Citizen's EGui-
table Building Association. of George
town, u. c., corner Thirty-frst and NJ
streets. Regular meeting % Monday
each month Books are now open foc
subscription 70 the 18th series of stock in
The Association. Advances 500 to share
without fees or commissions. S. ThOs-
Brown, president; Edgar FTisby. vice
president; c. P. Williams, secretary; Ed
gar z. Berry, treasurer.
ap 5-6t,em
The times., 1898-04-11
From Alpha to Ornega.

(From the New York Tribune)
The first Spaniard who landed in Cuba declared
il to he the fairest land the eye OF had
ever seen The last Spdnard who leaves II. after
400 years. will leave it the most distressful
country on the globe.
The times., 1898-04-11
And Mainly Democrats.

(Fr0m the Philadelphia RecOrd)
Great news comes from Chicago. 1t Is as
serted that for the first time in years, sufficient
number OF honest have been elected 10
the city legislature to secure a working majority
in that body.
The times., 1898-04-11
THE ARMY OF INVASION
Regular Troops TO Go Into Camp
at Chickamauga.
DISTRICT NATIONAL GUARD

VIII BE Called Upon First to CO.
operate With the ReEuIars-Next
10 ne Enlisted viii BE the MiIitIa
of New York. Ohio, Pennsylvania
and Illinois.
The times., 1898-04-11

(From the Chicago News.)
The wall-fower at a ball is often the only girl
present that can bake bread.
The times., 1898-04-11
UNDERTAKERS.

j. wILLIAM NJ LEE.
USDERT AkER,
S32 Pa. Ave N W.
FfTst-class service Phone. 1885
The times., 1898-04-11

doubt as to whether this salutatory will
also be my vaIedictory. l don't really
believe you see the point yet
The times., 1898-04-11

What's that got to do with the intro
duction to this alleged feature of the
paper? you ask. Well nothing particu-
larly, only L am wrestling with a horrible
The times., 1898-04-11
Lansburg '. r"."',"5: ,'.' 'F' 's5SS' .'. es.
DIED.

..--@@-a @-@@@.@-.L @@@@@@@@ -@@@@.@@@
The times., 1898-04-11

This handsome Tabourette in oak, ma
hosdny finish and cherry, sold everywhere
for 81. ANNIVERSARY SALE
PRICE Observation-Disclosures. 49, -59c
The times., 1898-04-11

This large saddle-seat ROCKER, in oak
or mahogany finish; frame finely polished.
Regular price, S2.75. ANNIVERSARY
SALE PRICE. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. 81. 4e
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Fbe Lines Proposed Will Reach Porto Rico, Hawaii, Ladrones and the
 Philippine Islands.
WILL CARRY MAILS
 AND THE SUPPLIES.
The Scheme Comes In Direct Competi- tiOn With Private Enterprises, and Remains to Be Seen How
 1t Will Work.

Washington, Aug. 2G.-The govern ment proposes to establish line of steamers to ports in Cuba, Porto Rico, Hawaii and the Philippines It is a new departure in governmental policy, since the line will be controlled by the United States directly.
 Assistant Secretary of War Nickel john says the movement is made to meet an emergency and as soon as the emergency has passed the line will cease.
 Other officials of the war department think differently. They hold that the line will prove such Q saving to the gov ernment and troops will be kept in the Philippines and Porto Rico for such an indefinite time that the new line will become a fact. It is an economical move on the part of the government, but doubtless will meet with opposition from commercial circles. The line of steamers will carry the United States mail.
 A l4O VI AA Ae1 EiAl4 tl116ltb AttS a lIu4l4bGA OA steamers which 1t purchased outright and which are now government prop erty. Six of these will be selected for the Porto Rico line, but it has not been determined how many will be needed for Hawaii and the Philippines. These steamers will do what might be called B carrying trade for the army and the postoffice department and to that tXaenr, which IS @ large and important one, will
 ome into direct competition with pri- ate enterprise.
 At the same time the government will do with these transport line vast deal of commercial business which would naturally be done by private cor. porations. The contract for carrying the mails to Cuba, Porto Rico and Ma nila would aggerate several hundred thousand dollars, even if the mails on the government lines shall be confined to the soldiers in garrison in the col Dnies The freight charges on any stores would also amount to large Bum.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
A MILITARY BAND.
Composed of Twenty-Five Ladies May Be Driving Cardfat Cur
 Fair.

Mir NJ. F. Bloom, Secretary of the Pine BIuff State Fair Association, is in receipt of a letter from Mir. G. ". Allen, manager of the Allen Boston Ladies Military band, who wants to open our fair.3
 This band is the only one otits kind in America Mir Allen is manager as wdl as proprietor, and has booked his s5and to open the Dallas State fair. Twenty-Five ladies compose the land and they will no doubt oe secured.
 This lnlaue band will be great drawing card, and if they open the fair the park will be crowded with IyOung nun epecially.
 A pictue accompanies the letter. l All the iades are dressed in military sui and cups and present a grand spectacle w1en on parade.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Chinese womer Arrive.

San Francisco, Aug. 26.-Five hun dred and fifty-six Chinese women who arrived from the orient on the steamer BeIgic have been brought to this city from the quarantine station on Angel island. Of this number Do are tioketed for Mexico, the balance claiming to be entitled to land owing to prior residence. Special attention will be paid to the Chinese enroute to the Omaha exposi- tion as many previous arrivals have used the factor" privilege to obtain it. legal residence ill this country.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Rank lIobber Arrested.

Chicago, Aug. 26.-George Wagner,
 alias George Whitney, ex-conYict and expert safebl0wer, is under arrest here
 charged with robbing the bank of Rich
 land Mich of $25, 900 in cash and nego-
 tiable notes. The robbery occurred on
 Aug 5 and was one of the boldest that has ever been perpetrated in Michigan. Enough dynamite was used to shatter sbe biz safe in which the money was kent and to wake up the town of Rich ia2d The robbers escaped on hand
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27

the poor, helpless fellows, for none ol our men were killed, andif the enemy lost any they succeeded in cartino them off before we again advanced We being reinforced by the Second Kentucky.
 It was a big fight, possibly the hot- test one that we will get into during the war There were 5000 men on each side. I never did learn which side was victorious. Our only cas- ualty was fellow who was kicked by mule. l expect it hurt him pretty badly, as he was carried eff in an ambulance.
 All the good we've got out of oUr ambulance corps ia to have them carry the sick from the regiments to the hospital So even if that fellow hadn't been hurt very badly by the mule, it was well enough to have him take q ride in the ambulance. And then, too, it makes things so much more realistic to see the ambu- lane" wagon go flashing off to the rear.
 We are going to have another sham battle soon and when we do am surely goin4 to keep away rom any mule's heels. I skinned my .lbow rolling down an embankment hat time, but didn' get to ride in he ambulance.
 Very truly yours,
 GEO. $. VALIANT.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Mnra A4yd Maa Advanced.

Washmgton, Aug 24 The president has made thc ioIoSing promotions in the mvy for eminent and cons )icions COndtct in hattp:
 Liettenanrs Benjamin TapDan and Thomas M. Brumby, to be advanced five numbers in the list of loutenants.
 Ensials Harry E. Caldwell and Will ian r. fcott 10 be advanced five mum bers i'll te list of ensigns.
 Navalgadet William R, White to bt advancedfve numbers in the list of na val cadets for service performed at sea
 The praldent also advanced ActnI Carpenterfames I. Haley, to be carpent CT in the Ivy.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Madrid Instructions to Blanoo.

Madrid, Aug 2G.-The minister for war, General Correa, when asked what instructions had been given Gen Blanco In regard to opposing the insurgents in Cuba, replied that he had ordered the captain generals of Cuba and the Phil lppines to act in accord with the Ameri cans, but if the Americans should prove unable to make the insurgents respect the armistice then the instructions were to repeI by arms any attack upon the Spaniards.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
All Surplus Troops Ordered Home.

All Surplus Troops Ordered Home.
 Washington, Aug. 26.-Orders have been issued to General Miles to send home from Porto Ricoa all troops not act ually needed for service there.
 No point has been designated as yet for their decentralization in the United States, but the examination of several sites are being looked after It Is de- sired to secure a healthful camp, and at the same time one where disembarka- tion can take place at once without de- lay such as that occurred at Montauk Point.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Transports Reach Manila.

Washington, Aug 26.-The war de- partment has received the following from General Merritt at Manila:
 1.-The Rio de Janeiro and the Penn sylvania arrived on Wednesday. All were well No casualties, excepting Private Wenks of the First South Da- kota, who died between San Francisco and Honolulu. y
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Shall We Have An Honest EIee-
 tiOn?
! cry truly yours
GEO AAHJAN N' A- O- ft t4t Fl tA ~


 In todaY's issue of the GRAPHIC is presented a petition of 154 Demo. erats praying the election commis- sioners that in the interest of fair ness and peace. that Mr. D. c. Bell be allowed at least one election judge at the several precincts in the county. It remains with the elee. ton commissioners to say whether the voice of their citizens shall be heard, respected and granted, or whether they will turn them down and say that our desire for the in- staIImeut of Mccoy into office is param ount 10 any request you ne titioners gay make. The names were obtained to the petition in less than oae=half days time-some of whom are not upon the great peti- tjon of democrats asking Mayor Bell 10 become d candidate, The people will be patient and trust that the commissioners will not set at oaught their humble prayer. We also print d petition of Mr. Bells, in which he names either of two men at each precinct asking that either one of gz Rm be appointed as judge. Every man asked for is a known democrat
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Died From an Operation !.

New York, Aug 26-Mrs. Anna Knowlton Colby is dead in this city from the effects of surgical operation. Her husband, Charles L. Colby, who died in 1896, was prominent in New York business circles, and was closely interested in railroad and banking cir. cles. He was at one time president of the Wisconsin Central railroad. Mrs.
 Colby took deep interest in charities.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
SPAIN INDIFFERENT
 AS TO HER SHAME N.
She Is Willing to Take Care of Ger vera's Officers, but She Is Not Com
 cerned About the Others.

Washington, Aug. 2G The presi- lents magnanimous offer to Spain through the good offices of the British ambassador at Madrid in the first week of August, just after the initiation of peace negotiations, to release all the Spanish naval prisoners on parole for prompt repatriation, which was declined by Premier Sagasta at the time, has had the direct result of alienating most of the ordinary prisoners, as well as many of the officers, from their mother country. The navy department may eventually be compelled to abandon the comparatively luxurious treatment it has accorded these men, and put them to work. There are 1900 prisoners at seavy Island in the Kittery (Me.) navy yard, including nearly all the ordinary seamen and petty officers who were saved when Cervera's fleet was annihi- lated At the national hospital near Norfolk, Va, the seriously wounded, 200 in number, have been under treat ment, and most of them have eonva- Iesced. The principal officers, number ing B, have been quartered i'll Annapo- lis in buildings which will be needed in few weeks for the officers and profes- sors attached to the naval academy.
 The men at Norfolk are a great bur den upon the naval medical authorities, but the navy is principally concerned re- garding the large force of men at Sea yey island. They are quartered in eom- fortable but temporary wooden struc- lures, which do very well for summer, but which will cause great suffering soon on account of the approaching cold weather to which the Spaniards are wholly unoccustomed. Some of the Spanish officers have written home that | they hope the war will continue another year in order that they can enjoy the treatment they have been receiving, but others, notably Captain Goneas, who has been in this country longer than any of hls colleagues, have recent l ly caused considerable pressure from various sources, chiefly political, to be brought to bear on the navy depart ment to consent to the return of the offi- cers to Spain.
 Naval officials make no coneealment of their anxiety to get rid of Captain Concas and all the other officers at An napolis and Norfolk who are now on limited parole, but there is no intention to release the officers until Spain makes some provision for the ordinary seamen.
 It is the impression in the navy de- partment as Spain is so much more par ticular about prohibiting ordinary sea- men to accept parole than she is in the case of their superior officers that some ultra motive must be at the bottom of the matter, and that possibly if her off, l cers were returned home the Spanish government would take no further in- terest in the sailors, but leave them as paupers dependent on the charity of the United States. It is certain, therefore, the prisoners will remain, and if Spain continues to be indifferent it is possible some of the Iuxuries will be taken from the officers, and tIat they will be made to feel, in measure, that they are in 1 fact prisoners of war
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
IHE BOYS ANXIOUS TO JET HOME
 ON < FGRL0UGH.
Vivid Description of q sham Battle Corporal Valiant Gets Skinned Bat Failed to Gel s Ride in the
 AmbulaHee
Camp George H. Thomas,
Ambulance

fAlAi hi AALgA A4E II A llt}LlHH5
 Lytle, Ga Aug. 25th, 1s9s. s0 the editor of the GRAPHIC.
 While the GRAPHIC has had uoth- lg from 1e since my recruiting trip 1me. 1t does not indicate that the sgfment a- cotfTs=tf5 P f- 1o9d. Ne Fe all 4e4y laGsa=aH9e except for he numerous conYaIescents being e0t home on furloughs. Besides oFRaFal Bell, who returned home ISL week. company B has sent home fdrIgugh privates Eagle, Paugh, rulock and suuderman This akes six men that company B has st ap to this time and a good any more are daiIf expecting their fl6aghs.
 Our company is nut alone in this. 9weser. The regiment is sending ek men out by wagon loads. and fy-fWo furlougbs Tor the regiment
 o granted Saturday.
 .ast week wHs our busiest week
 here. We were moving our camp another locality and had to work ly and late cleaning the new HHds off with spades and shovels. ldes this we took part in the big lew af Wednesday and q sham tie. Tbe review was pretty and oressige enough. but, oba
 -some. We we've ar ant dak&sse o from four u. m. until after eleven, nd vet if took us only afew minutes march fin front oG General Breckin- tdoe and staff. 1t would have been lots easier on us if he had come .roaed 10 our quarters in the cool of he morning on some day when we enerally have fatigue duty. II is ne we would have missed seeing he ladies. some 10000 or more of hem SO l reckon General Breektn- dge must have been right about it. he General has right level heae 5n him. we think. He is trying t( make life out here as interesting ant Is comfortable as possible. H' frants six passes day to com any for Chattanooga. where bflor was hard to get two.
 He has also inangurated the itel'
 orts among Us and he is hnYin more sham battles These shal battles are all kinds of iua. " were called out at 3 a. m. 10 talk part in the one Friday. We though we were going out on a praetiC march and it would have done oI good to hear the highly eolore language we used in painting oI opinions of the whole affair.
 had often wondered before e .lsting in the army just how thl managed sham battles. l khew would stand mp in front ol lire men some thirty peces off and .them blaze away at me all day wi Iolank cartridges. and they couldt 5make me run. And then when th do nothing more than snap thu guns, I couldn't see how one si could ever gain q victory.
 But Is this way When we mt
 the enemy If we are larger in nun bers they fnIl back and vice versa. 4 terrible thing happened duri { Friday sham battle.
 d WeLad advanced to road sev al hundred } ards in advance of ( original position and were just
 front Of division hospital. We st
 the enemy swarmlng through
 Woods In front of u5 and so fell ba T behind the Hospital tents. I ne Q )f my advanced to the road where le had been and we each held our DC VOn and snapped our guns at e,
 9ther, and all the time the hospl o' With several hundred patients V o' lght in between the heavy fire. 1.-the bullets must have lodged
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
PRESENTED TO THE BOARD OF ELECTION C0MMIS-
 SI0NERS
Praying That Mossrs. Beil and Mccoy Each Be Given Representative At all ths Polling
 Places

The following petition was pre- sented to the Board of Election Commissioners today and is self explanatory:
 To THE ELECTION COMMISSIONERS OF
 JEFFERSON CoUTNY.
 GENTLEArEN-As you we'll know, there are but two candidates before the people in Jefferson county for the office of sheriff, both of who are of the same political faith. It can be but just and fair to each of them that they each be represented at each voting precinct in the county by a judge and clerk of election favorable to them, to the end that both candidates may receive and have counted for them every vote cast for them. This we most re spectfuly ask in the name of jus tce, and that our people may un- derstand that fair election will be had, to the end that nothing shall occur or be brought about to de. priYe either of the candidates of m honest election, and to preserve peace and qmet in our eouty, by giving to H. A. Mccoy and D. C.. Bell each a representative at each of the several voting precincts of the county. By granting this re quest, you will snow that you intend that in this county, nothing but a fair ard honest election shall be had. Respectfully,
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
rir.t Train to Jacksboro.

Jacksboro Tex, Aug 26--Fully 5000 noonIe met here Wednesday and oele. breted the completion of the Rock Is, land road into Jacksboro and the arrlyal ~ of the first passenger train, which came from T Fort Worth with eight loaded fOacbes
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
spantsl. Steamer Enters Ponce.

Ponce, Porto Rico, Aug 26. The eoasting steamer Dolroes, flying the Spanish flag, entered the harbor We'd nesday morning Her captain was uu- certain whether state of peace or war exited, but decided to take his chances. The Dolores was not mOlested.
Semi=weekly graphic., 1898-08-27
Camp fomas to Be Abandoned.

ChiekamAga, Aug 2t-The war de. partment ha ordered General Breckn ridge to atndon Camp Thomas at Chickamaua park, and the general E using every hans to comply with the order as rap% as possible. The yarl ons reg .mentshave received orders te rack np and lready 10 get out on shor1 notice, and albave gone about oheyin2 the orders int systematic an fapl1 manner. 4 lase number of reElment' have been ordegi to their state capitals Others will be knt to Knoxville, Lex ington and Hunyille, Ala,