Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1898-03-25
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

It's astonishing how much patience
some people have with themselves
Puck.
He-"Why does Miss Van Peet have
an English footman?" She-"Oh, I
suppose she wants to learn the lam
guage. Truth.
He-"Why do women misrepresent
their age?" She" They don't. If
they misrepresent anything it is their
youth. Brooklyn Life.
''What makes you think he is in
love with you? The way he be-
haved?" "No. The way he misbe-
haved Indianapolis Journal.
The Count--''I have won and lost
several fortunes" Miss Brightly
'Yes-and I felt so sorry when your
last fiancee broke her engagement. -
Puck.
She-"It's funny, but all the time I
have known Mr.. Tigg he never has
paid me compliment. He-"Tigg
never pays anybody anything. "-Bos-
ton Transcript.
81 believe Goodluck has got an in
crease of salary. What was it for
extra work." "Yes! He always lis
tens when the boss tells the smart
things his kid says" It'll Bits.
81 am told your wife would rather
cook than eat" The other man
glanced nervously over her shoulder.
''What she cooks, yes," he replied in
hoarse whisper. -Detroit Journal.
Spudds- ''Young Hawkins seems
very pensive tonight. Do you sup
pose that he has fallen in lover"
Spatts-"Oh, no. He is only break
ing ia pair of tight shoes. Judge.
''Baw Jove, have heard that you
said 1 was a monomaniac. "Me!
never. A monomaniac is man of one
idea. If you are anything, you must
be nonomaniac Indianapolis Jour-
nal
Freddie-"Oh, pa! the goat swal-
lowed my big fire-cracker." Cobwig-
ger-"Well, that's nothing to be cry
ing about" Freddie" Eyes, it was,
pa. The thing never went off. p
Judge.
Collector-"Mr ellis, I am sorry
to have to ask you to pay this little
bill. Gills-"Are you, my boy? Well,
I can sympathize with you from the
have to ask me. standard
"We rest" said the distinguished
lawyer for the defense. can such is
life," added Raggsy Rufus, recounting
the circumstance to Flooding Pete;
eve rest, and git the dog set on us.
He rests, and gifts paid fur doin' it!'
Truth.
'"There seems to be great deal of
trouble connected with Office holding"
remarked the man who observes.
''No," replied the aspirant. coffee
holding is easy enough. It's Office
getting that causes the difficulty. -
Washington Star.
Tourist lin coal mine, after pass
ing around cigars) Everything
seems to be wet and damp. Where
can strike match?" Miner
''Roight here, sir. Dinnis, lift tn
rubber cloth often tn powder kegp-
New York Weekly
Simplex answered an advertise
ment in which somebody offered to
sell him the secret for preventing
trousers from getting fringes around
the bottom "What did they tell
him?" ''To wear knickerbockers p
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Us there an opening here for an in
tellectual writer?" asked seedy, red
nosed individual of the editor. eyes,
my friend" replied the man of letters;
''a considerate carpenter, foreseeing
your visit, left an opening for you;
turn the knob to the right Tit Bits.
ST do my best not to be envious,"
said the nervous man, 'but sometimes
I can't help it." "Why, you never
manifest much covetousness. "No,
don't covet. But whenever the
Fourth of July comes around I can't
see deaf and dumb man without be-
ing jealous. Washington Star.
''Bring me-" said the Irish gentle
man, as he pointed to the Holsters in
the windows, ''bring me wan av
them infor-rmers. ''Why do YOU
call them informers, Casey?" asked
his companion. ''Bedad, they wear
tn green to begin wild, and put on the
red coat as soon as they get into hot
wather. indianapolis Journal
eyes," said the new arrival, ''I am
greatly greatly surprised,
indeed. 1 had expected to find things
here very different from what they
are" ''Why?" exclaimed several of
the girls in chorus; ''don't the hotel
and its surroundings look as they were
pictured in the circular you received?"
''They do. That's what surprises me-"
Cleveland Leader.