The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-07-24
Epistles to St. Paul.
EP1sTLEs TO ST. PAUL.

EPISTLEs TO ST. PAUL.
AN invitation was sent to Theodore Hays
the other day to accompany O party OF visit
ors 70 the state prison at Saltwater. He de-
cnned. saying that he had quite enough Of
'lslting public institutions in which there was
some question about getting out, SO far as
some people are concerned
You all remember when poor Mart Will
Hams died." said Theodore. They all did.
| We'll. went up with the funeral party
to Fergus Falls. Before we left some of the
boys proposed that we go and see the insane
asylum. Most Of those along were newspaper
men. SO we did not need Introducing We
went all over the place, and there were a
| great many people visiting that day. At least
| they were roaming around loose. and you
| couldn't tell from the looks Of them who
| were the lunatics. Just before we left I got
| Into conversation with a very pleasant gen
tleman who showed me about bit He
finally asked me If was a newspaper man.
| I told him that I was not, but that 1 knew
all the boys.
" It's funny. he said. that don't remem-
Der you. I used to be on the Pioneer Press
we had quite talk, and he was very affable
! When the rest of the party was about to 60
away put out my hand to say goodbye
to my friend, and he asked me If l wasn't
SoiHS 10 stay. l told him no.
Ah.' said he, that's too bad Can't you
stay till Friday?' he added, wringing my
hand. l assured him that I couldn't ard
walked along with him to the gate. No ore
PAID any attention to him, and I thought
ne was one Of the citizens who had mixed up
with the party. Come on and stay with lis
TILL Friday he urged. l told him it would
be impossible, but thanked him and asked him
10 come and see me when he was in town.
lie said he would When 1 went through
he remained inside the gate. Say. old man.
he whispered, as 1 turned to go, you'd bet
ter stay till Friday. My balloon is going to
sail ON Friday. and there'll be hell here
ana then keeper came up and grabbed him.
and nearly fell dead. He was daffy on bal
looms"
Thomas Lowry was in st. Paul yesterday
and took several rides on his own street car
line. Every conductor who has been work.
ing a day knows the magnate in spite of the
TACT that ne always gives up his nickel and
acts as though he couldn't fire the lot of
them any time he wanted to. He got aboard
OF an 1nterurban car. passenger on the
rear platform who knew Mr.. Lowry by sight
looked at the conductor. The con grinned.
Does he pay his fare?" asked the pas
senger.
Always" said the con. ever hear about
the time con put him off the carr" The
passenger had not heard of it.
WELL" said the conductor, "he wasn't
put on, but he came very near being He
got on an interurban one day and the con
spotted him at once. When the guy went
through to collect the fares Tonne called
the magnate Tom-went all through his
| clothes and couldn't find any change. Fares
| repeats the con, sticking his hand under
Toms nose again. The old man goes into
his inside pocket and pulls out bill. 1t
was ten and the con didn't have the
! change. Tom said 1t was the smallest he
had. Can't help that says the con, I can't
change it and must have your fare. Tom
was kinder tickled and told the con that'd
be all right, but the con wouldn't. stand.
ray your fare or get off, he said. Tom
looked through the car but didn't see any
body he knew and the con pulls the bell for
! stop. Just then a woman who sat behind
Tom and had heard what was going on, puts
cut a nickel and says: Cant lend it to you,
sir?" Well, the old looked like thirty
cents as he took the nickel and thanked the
lady. Of course. the con thought he had
gone too far and would be fired, but blow me
if he din't get the best run on the road two
days afterwards"
The caste lines drawn so as to define the
line of demarcation between sales ladies"
duU IauuQry women are not existent IN
the distant Northwest territory One Of the
returned editorial excursionsts found in a
paper printed at Calgary, where the linotype
prints the winter weather statistics in orig
inal packages, so to speak, the following ad:
"Wanted-A lady help. Address -"
Calgary Is right at the base of the noun
tains, however, and in that highly raref1ed
atmosphere lying comes easy. Perhaps the
prince of all Northwestern liars is Arthur
B. Calder, of the G. P. railway, who accom-
panied the editors to the coast in his Ca
pacity as passenger agent Finding one of
the most profound editorial minds in Mime
sofa in somrolent reverie. he asked the
cause, and was Informed that the editors
neck was lame from trying to see the sights
on both sides Of the track at once.
well, we can't help it," replied Calder.
1--WE had the summer cars fixed up with
cfnder screens and hammocks, so that pas
sengers could sit on the roofs Of the cars,
but the American roads would not let us
run them. They demanded differentiaI on
the ground that IL they put hammocks on
their cars the passengers could see right over
the tops of their mountains
1t happened during the late city campaign
that Col. Kiefer felt constrained to remark
that he would run this town without the
aid Of Mrs. Root or D. w. Doty or any of
their friends. The remark got to the ears
Of the persons mentioned, and the relations
between that element represented by Mr..
Doty and the mayor have been somewhat
strained. In fact, 1t has been said that Mr..
Doty has no great affection for the mayor
and has felt no compunction about saying
so. All Of which is preliminary and ex-
planatory. The other day Mr.. Doty went
into the mayors office at the head of dele
cation which had the interests Of somebody
or something at heart. He walked over to
the desk of Majordomo Hammer and told
him that he was Mr.. Doty and he would
like to see the mayor.
Hammer looked up, but 1t appeared to him
that Doty was all right, and he pushed open
the green door that makes the Office Of the
mayor look so home-lilke to some people,
ushered Mr.. Doty in and up to the mayors
desk. Then he announced, very impressive
1y and in his best voice. "Mr. Doty." The
colonel was bent over his desk. He did not
look at Mr.. Doty. but stared straight out in
front of him and said loudly, without ad-
dressing any one in particular:
"Doty? D. W. Doty? 1t seems to me
that have heard that name before" Mr..
Doty went into the rear rank of the dele
cation. The Philistire.