The record-union. [volume] (Sacramento, Calif.) 1891-1903, 1898-09-09
Newspaper Waits.

"Reputation is a good deal like linen
suit" "How's that?' when you IN
dertake to wash it, it always shrlnks
the wrong way"-Detroit Free Press
She-My grandfather was cousin to
the Earl Of Bullyshanty, twice removed.
He-Twice removed, Ell? What for?
Didn't he pay his rent?-Harpers Ba-
Ear.
Bridget Tin the culinary line)-Your
cousin a cook in the army? 1t must
be terrible to be a cook where you
can't quit Just when you feel like it.
Boston Transcript.
IT hear yers to give a party, Mrs.
Hooligan?'' Eyes, Mrs. Mulligan, am,
and I've been everywheres tryin' ter get
some Of that pink tea We reads so
much about" Truth.
How did the fire start?'' I'm the
haberdasher's store. The theory Of the
insurance companies is that one Of the
new fall neckties and pair of golf
stockings got crossed" -Chicago Tri-
bune.
Ibid you ever think what you would
do if you had Rothschild's income?"'
said Seedy to Harduppe. mo; but
have often wondered what Rothschild
would do if he had my income. Tit
Bits.
mo, Herbert, I am sorry; but / am
sure we could not be happy together.
You know 1 always want my own way
in everything" But, my dear girl, you
could go on wanting it after we We're
married. '-Tit-Bits.
A Helping Hand.-The Landlady Gin
surprise)-Why, Mr.. Hallrume! What
are you doing? Putting that butter in
your tea? Mr.. Hallrume-I was always
taught, Mrs. Starvum, that the strong
should help the weak.-Puck.
Troubles of Journalism.-'I want
some word" said Rivers, dipping his
pen in the ink for the third time, that
is the exact opposite of overcome
What is the matter with 'undergo?'
suggested Brooks.-Chicago Tribune.
Encoura cement. - Frances - Harry
says he just wants to fall down and
worship me all the time. Her Mamma
oh, WE'LL don't mind that, dear. At
ter you're married he won't let it inter.
fere with his business.-Chicago News.
Blarney.-The Hired Help-Say, this
here ice you have been leavin' is five
or ten pounds short every mornin'. The
Iceman-Sure it is the burnin' glances
Of them lovely blue eyes that melts it
before I kin git it to the house.-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Amateur-"What do you think of the
artist Albino, who painted spider web
on the ceiling SO naturally that a
cham bermaid spent the whole morning
trying to sweep it away? Critic-There
may be such an artist, but I do not
believe in the existence Of such cham
ermaid-Fliegende Batter.
A Fable.-Once upon a time there
was a boy who smoked twenty boxes
of cigarettes each day. HE will never
be of any use in the world" exclaimed
the neighbors, sadly. But he lived
greatly to the chagrin Of his parents
who were worthy people. This fable
teaches how tobacco, if excessively
used, sears the conscience - Detroit
Journal.
ber,'' said Senator Sorghum, to the man
who was arguing in behalf Of an 18TH
milan canal, that it does not do for a
man in my position to make up his
mind too quickly. There is always
something to be said on both sides OF
every proposition" But what / have
been telling you is as plain as the fact
that two and two make four" EVEN
that isn't always the case. If you ever
go before Congress with a bill you'll
| find 1t mighty hard to count on two
Democrats and two Republicans fol
four votes. "-Washington Star.