The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1898-07-09
CROP OF WAR CRANKS
ALL sORTEs OF INVENTIONS
AND DEVICES SUBMITTED.

Engines to XIII at . Hundred Miles and
Appliances to Snatch the Dying From
the Grave-suggestions OF All Kinds.
for taking tho Army Invincible.
Inventors and men with 'ideas'' or ''im-
provements' are as thick as the tabled
leaves of Vallombrosa around the war
and navy departments these days. Every
varying phase Of the Cuban campaign
brings to Washington a new crop of Gu
rious contrivances, all calculated to work
reforms or revolutions in the existing Or
der of things. Some OF these are wise,
but the majority are otherwise. Many OF
them show an ingenuity and inventive
while not a few exhibit an imagination
that would put a Jules Verne or an Alex
ander Dumas to shame.
One genius, says the New York Press,
proposes to disinfect the harbor Of Ha-
vana by means of electricity, and all
other places where ships are anchored, so
as to make the surroundings more salu-
brious for our sailors. The navy depart
ment promptly declined this offer.
Not content with sending in the air
photograph apparatus, another genius
wants the navy department to let him
| build kites big enough to carry up soldiers
who can make observations of the seat
of war.
A South Carolina man has a plan that
rivals the best efforts Of even Jove him.
self. He has asked Secretary Long to let
him hurl thunderbolts at the Spanish fleet
and destroy them by manufactured light
ming of tremendous voltage This modern
Jove proposes to conduct electricity to
! the Spanish armada by means of search
lights. He would transmit electrical
current of a billion volts upon the rays Of
light This offer has also been declined.
| A Boston genius has procured the at
| tention of the officials for an invention
which is intended to revolutionize signal
| ing at sea. An electric light throws mag
nified letters of the alphabet on a great
screen, which can be read at sea many
| miles. This invention has some good
points, and may be adopted by the gov
| eminent.
! 1t remained for a New York man to
give Uncle Sam a point or two in safe
| guarding his navy. The Gothamites plan
| g to construct huge tunnels on the sides
| Of the ships. so that when the enemy
| fires his guns the shots can be caught by
those tunnels and pass through without
doing any damage
Another way to lessen the effect of the
| !,ie t:y's brcadsides and make them prac-
:.sliy harmless is suggested by South
c:ner. he wants the government to put
cushions of India rubber back Of tina
armor plates, so that the shots will re-
bound like t.nnis balls from net
A genius from the Empire State pro.
poses now to outfit all the ships of the
navy with stills. He you'll attach new
kind Of Jack to the bottom of each, Sc
that the vessels can actually dock then,
selves.
Offers of furnishing armor-proof suits.
for soldiers come in by every mail. Thest
| inventors are always assured that theii.
patent will be promptly tested if theS
will agree to wear the suit they offer AMI
be the actual target for the fire: of a com,
pany at close range. This reply generally
| puts a quietus to all further negotiation
on the subject.
One Westerner has a scheme for mark
ing the dead. His plan is to roll bit OF
parchment, containing all that Is known.
about the soldier, into ball and insert
| 1T under the eyelids Of The fallen hero.
In this way. the remains can always be-
Identified SO the inventor claims The.
body may molder to dust. but the bill.
| of parchment Is safe for it drops into.
| the skull and will remain there. ''~
Offers of flying machines come by the.
dozen, all being intended to drop bombs.
from the skies.
An inventor from Ohio has a scheme OF
putting one cannon inside Of another, ard
inside of this second cannon an explosive
SHE'LL In this way he hopes to send hot .
| shot for 100 miles. BY this arrangement
he says the government can lombard Ea--
vana from Key West.
One wizard Of the West offers a plan to-
ill the Spaniards by electricity. Accord.
| ing to his project, every soldier must
c. rry coil of copper wire which, has cob
-ections with a line of dynamos in the.
rear. When the front line of the United.
States troops scents the enemy a retreat,
| is to be made. OF course, the Spaniards
| Will rush forward, when presto: they arc
shocked to death.
A Washington man has a scheme that is
simplicity itself. He thinks he can save.
| the country millions Of dollars in coast.
defenses His plan is to have every SOL.
der carry dozen empty cotton bags. At.
! the approach of the Spaniards the ''boys
| in blue" are to fill these bags with EARTH,
and thus make breastwcrks to protect
| their bodies 1t is needless to add that:
the chief engineers of the army are cap
tivated with this charming and clever
plan. -t.r.
Army headquarters are beset with in
| ventors who have everything new under
| the sun to offer. They are paper blankets,
| made waterproof; paper towels, paper
| trousers for hot climes-in short every
| thing but edibles seems made out OF
paper. - s--a.-s. . ....... ..
The headgear for mosquito countries in
| PRODUCES you to another age of chivalry.
Some Of the designs submitted would
| make a woman turn green with envy
One Green MOSQUITO hat that saw GER
| tainly seemed fit for: a bashful bride.
OF specifics for: diseases that are liable
| to afiict our soldiers the number IS legion.
AL the quack preparations In existence
! are offered to the government, from pat
ent corn ,exterminat. rs to magic sslVeS
that viii! draw out all the hidden knots in
a. woode leg. 1t Is passing strange, but
nevertheless p:tiable, that even medicine.
| is now having a yellow streak in it.
1 Yellow Fills are offered to the government:
shich it is said, will cure yellow fever.
! Women seem TO take the lead in offer
| ing specifics. One from the frontier Of
Ohio writes to say that If the soldiers
| would only wear powdered sulphur in
l their stockings they would be forever free
| from sickness Of any kind.
Arrth woman from Pennsylvania sent
| 70 the government a small bottle of ONT
ment which sheFsays will ward off insects
ard bugs Of every kind. She even went
go far as to offer to a prominent official
part In the profits If he would get the
army and navy to use her preparation
/ Even the astrologers are In evidence
They are sending horoscopes Of naval ana
army officers that disco unit the predictions
of the weather bureau "by large ma
| iority." Every one tries to show how he
had foreseen Dewey's great triumph and
i prophesied about Hobson's grand exploit
i II the aggregated predictions of these
worthless all come true the world Will hot
| contain enough pedestals to hold the ne
roes of the present war.
The government is watching with some
interest the developments in regard to
/ liquid air lately announced. Already sug-
gestions are pouring III that 1t be used'1Hi
| the furnaces OF the ships, SO that stokers
| have chance to keep cool, and also IN
j the berths of the hospital ship and the.
rooms OF sailors below deck.
/ Another invention promises big results