The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-09-11

lady was entertaining some guests pro-
claiming with satisfaction he could not
suppress. I've been to the fair, me lady
and I've got a SOW exactly OF your lady
ships size and description"
There are ."bulls' IN action as well as
bulls in expression. These blunders are
really due to mental sluggishness; they
are committed by hare-brained individuals,
but they have often the saving grace of
humor. remember reading IN
speech delivered by Lord
Dufferin many years ago
very laughable story of blunder of this
character. On his estate in County Down
there was an old historic ruin, formerly
stronghold of the O Neils, who ruled over
that part of Ulster. Anxious that this in
teresting survival OF a historic past should
be preserved on the eve Of his departure
for India as viceroy, he summoned his
steward, and gave hSl directions to build
wall around the ruin at a certain dis
lance, an order 10 keep out trespassers,
for the local peasantry,. If they wanted
stone 10 repair a gap in pig-stye or a
wall We're accustomed to resort to the old
castle for the material. That being done,
Lord Dufferin set off on his mission TO
India, feeling secure of the preservation
OF this ancient monument On his return
nome, several years after he found, to
MS amazement, that the old castle mad
disappeared, and in its place was a cir
the steward, he demanded to know why
his orders had not been carried out. The
steward insisted that what he had ordered
had been done. But where is the CASTER
asked the Marquis. The castillo, me
iordF" repeated the steward. That ould
thing. Shure, l pulled it down to build
The wall wild! Do We want me to be Soln'
miles for matherials with the finest stones
in Ireland beside me2' In telling the man
TO build the wall his lordship said moth
ing about the preservation of the castle.
Inc neglect of that little detail made all
the difference in the world. Al a fire in
the town of Longford, a man who had
been aroused from sleep by the alarm had
only time to slip on his trousers and jump
from the window. In his flight and hur-
ry he had unconsciOusly pulled on the gar
ment wrong side foremost, with an effect
which, when he recovered his equilibrium
after the jump, excited his profound con-
sternation. Are you hurt?" asked by
stander. No he replied with culver
in his voice, but I'm afraid I'm fatally
twisted"
A Dublin optician advertised a pair of
spectacles, by the aid of which any per
son could easily read the finest print. A
countryman called at the shop one day TO
be fitted with a pair After he had looked
hard through the spectacleS at the open
book which had been set before him ne
declared that he could not make out the
printed page. Another pair of spectacles
of a stronger power was placed upon his
nose, but the result was as unsuccessful
as before. Further trials with other
glasses yielded no better results, until at
length the almost distracted shopman
passed him a pair with the most powerful
lenses he had in his shop. The country
man, quite as impatient as the shopman
at having to try so many different pairs
of glasses, now glowered at the printed
page with all his might Can you read
the printing now?" inquired the shopman,
pretty certain that he had the right pair
this time. "Shure not wan Bit was the
reply. Can you read at all?" said the
shopman unable to conceal his vexation
any longer. Read at all, is it?' cried the
countryman. There's not a single word
among thin that l can identify the fay
lures Of" do you know how to read?'
demanded the shopman, impatiently. "Out
wild ye," exclaimed the countryman, throw
ing down the spectacles in anger. "If
cud read, what would I be after buyin
a pair o spectacles. for? You chate the
people by sayin' that yer glasses wud help
thin to read aisfIy; but it's big lie! An,
we bla' guard; ye thought I'd buy thin wild
out tryin thin onl'
I've bot the betther of that murdherin
railway company now, at any rate said
farmer who had a grievance against the
local railway, to a friend. How is that,
Denis?" asked the friend. "Shure, I've
taken return ticket, and I'm not goin'
back at all, at all" was the reply. A coun-
try gentleman observed his freshman serv-
ant at the top of ladder, doing something
to the Weathercock on the stable turret.
Halo, Pat" cried he, what are you up
to now?" THE misthress wants to go for
a dhrive," replied Pat, IAN she towld me
to put the pony in the dogcart. But, faix,
les BLOWN so nasthy an cowid from the
aste, an she is so purity and delicate that
thought I'd be after tyin the bla guard
of a wind round TO the so west with a bit
of string, an keep 1t there till she had her
dhrive and cum home again." An Irish
man, fishing with a rod, in a shower OF
rain, was observed 60 keep his line under
the arch of a bridge. On being asked the
reason he said: och, shure, the fishes will
be after crowdin' in there to get out of the
wet" A workman who was repairing the
roof of one of the highest buildings in
Dublin lost his footing and fell, but,
striking a telegraph line, he managed to
grasp it. Hang on for your life shouted
a fellow-workman, while some of the spec
tators rushed for a mattress, on which he
could drop He held on for a few seconds,
when suddenly, with a cry, "Sthand from
undher," he dropped and lay senseless in
the street. He was brought to a hospital,
and on his recovery was asked why he did
not hold out longer. "Shure 1 was afraid
the wire wud brake" he feebly replied.