Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1898-11-10
AKENTUCKY JUDGE
Writes HumorousIy About the
Pumpkin and Turkey.
MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR
The War Dealt With at Length Al
ger and AIgerism Scored Uncle
Sam a Big, laundering Sinner.

The cleveland \OIlO) CdtiinS " uh, "hAS
we publish below in part. He tells OF S
many things for which We should be v
thankful, and among others says: {
And all America has much to be g
for this year. The islands of
the sea have right to join wi b us in
and clap their hands with
Joy. The guaya and the banana, the {
pineapple and the orange will be tasted
for the first time with freedoms flavor
in their juices on islands where the blue
pillows of the tropics bound on crlnk-
ling sands. Luzon will laugh with Porto
Rico and Cuba will call out to the Caro-
lines. The cathedral among the Palms
will intone its hymn of thankfulness to-
gether with the meeting house among
the Pines. The Filipino will sit on I'm
Gle Sam S left hand and the Cuban GA
his right; boys there is turkey
enough for all and pumpkin pie
galore: there are hams in the pantry and
little old Bourbon in the cellar. GU
may not sing psalms as we do OF relish
baked beans for breakfast, but you may
join us on this day, and God grant you
many other days as sweet and full OF
hope as this. Fill your bellies just once
with Uncle Sam, and you will never
more go laundering for the husks that
swine refused to eat.
"And they may be thankful with us also
for Dewey ard Schley, for Fitzhugh Lee
and Uncle Joe Wheeler and Hobson.
They needn't bother much about Shat
ter and Alger and Sternberg and the lit
tie German doctor with the ungodly
name who was sent to physic soldiers
because he cured Mrs. McKinleys pet
dog of an indigestion. These pests will
90 out of notice when the snow flies and
be no more considered than the mosqul-
toes after killing frost. The Amerl-
can people will have to pass upon them
in the ballot box, and Don Cuba Libre
and Senior Filipino are not yes factors at
the polls. What's the use Of fretting
ourselves about evil-doers, anyhow,
when the celery stalks are white and
crisp and the gobbler is brown as bun
and the pie comes on the table hot?
~ es, let Us all give thanks,and forget
.. our sorrows for one day at least. Let
us be thankful for Mark Hanna. the
I great Coal Oil JOHNNY of American pc
litics. He is an object lesson from
: which we may teach our children that
! | il is better to be decent than rich ant
!. vulgar. Let us be thankful that Mrs
Mckinley had only one sick dog; if she
had kept a pack of hounds, possibly al
our soldier boys might have been consi
gned to Dutch dog doctors and the devl
before now. Let us be thankful for tn
6. discovery of microbes and bacilli. L
re the people in NOah'S time had know
'V about these minute monsters they migh
- have boiled all the water instead of be
IT ing drowned in it. And then all tn
q COWS and Nanny goats and she asse
and club women would have give
sterilized milk and iniquity would has
vanished from the earth, along with tn
= human race. And let us be thankful fo
q Alger-the resinous from Roarin
~ Camp. He is ours ''for health" II
Il has given us new disease-the Algerin
Is fever-at whose coming kleptomOnia an
g appendicitis and nostalgia and ''tha
g tired feeling' will have to hump then
Z selves and take to the woods. Let L
y not forget to be thankful for 'McRaI
i n .ism, - that political incarnation of
IL tail which wags the dog. One OF the +
male nurses IN an army hospital ne;
Lexington said that leprosy was ''ju
too cute for anything and longed
\ nurse a case of 1t. So our best polite
70 nurses may view McHannaism with tt
~ same delight and may go with it to son
se lonely isle wherein the classic languas
II of Uncle Davy's prayer--'the foot (
81 man hath never trod and the eye of &c
III hath never seem"
ID Eyes, we have much to be thankful fl
* Uncle Sam is big, laundering, goo
e natured old sinner, who seems to have
IL special providence to look after his a
III fairs along with these Of drunken mf
- and fools. The bad Indians of Il
=, Nor thwest have little fun with his sc
diers now and then, but smallpox al
New England rum and Peoria whisl
will kill them off in time. Yellow JAG
in the South combines with Capital
Jack in the North to thin out bis So
~ plus population, and the football fer
and the motorman and the idiot wi
the empty gun contribute each his quo
r. of killed and wounded. Corbett al
o Fitzsimmons, and Sockless Simpso
:, and J. J. Ingalls, and Tom Reed are st
mo, not still, but noiSily) abroad in Il
LAND and there are many other evil
from petty larceny to iooSeneSs in bis
society, which he must contend agains
10 Yet in spite Of all these things our Unt
Sam can LOOK out over broad emptl
all his own, and see churches that poi
their spires heavenward, and hear t
Z bell in the schooihouse tower and dete
in the crisp autumn air the incense tn
rises GodWald from millions of pure al
the honest hearts. And he can sit down
est his turkey and his pie and thank G
for a flag that every breeze is proud
wimple and national existence that h
become the wonder of the past,
beacon of the future"