Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1898-09-04
WHAT 0ooLEY SAYS.
A to the Personnel of the Present L nlted
Stntos Army.

As to the Personnel of tho Present United
Statos Army.
We'll, SIR" said Mr. Dooley, II didn't
vote f'r Mack, but I'm with him now.
had me doubts whether he was tn
gr-rcatest military JANUS iv til cinch-
ry. but theysc no question about it.
We wint into this war With onld Spain
with about tn most fash'nablc ARMY
that liver creased its pants Twas Il
daily hint firm Paris to tn crool foe.
Other gin'rals iv tn r-rough house
kind. like Napoleon Bonypart. III i'm.
proa iv tn Frinch Ginral U.is S.
Grant, an Cousin George Dooley. hired
coarse. rude men cAat wuddcn', know
tn difference between goluf an crosay,
an had their pants tucked in thier
boots an chewed tobacco be tn pound
Thank hivin Mckinley knows hetther
thin to sind tn likes iv thin abroad 20
shock our frinds be dumpin their cof-
fee into thmsilves firm saucer
"rh' dure bell rings an futman In
liv'ry says I'm Master Willie Dooscl-
bery's man an he's come to be eX
amined fr tn ar-rmy. Gays he Admit
him. says Mckinley, an Master Willie
enters. accompanied be his valley his
NAH an pah an til comfy iv III guluf
club. Willie says the President, we
ar-re inthering upon Il gloryurs career,
an It's NECESSARY that We shud he thruly
examined so that ye can teach III
glories " civilization to tn tyr-ranies
iv Europe that is supported be ye-er
pah an mah.' he says. 'Twud he a
turr'ble thing. he says. III some day
they shud meet a Spanish gin'ral in
Mahdrid an have him say 10 thin: I
seen yeer son Willie durin' tn war
wearn' a stovepipe hat an tan shoes.
Let us begin tn examination. he
says. ARE We a good goluf player?'
I am says Willie Thin appint ye
liftenant. What we needin' tn army is
good goluf players he says. In our
former war he says, we had tn mis-
fortune to have men in command that
didn't know tn difference he.wee;; y
goluf an beecycle, an what was tn
raysnlt? We fooled our approach at
Bull it-run,' he says. 'Ar're We Il MINI
Der ~ amy clubs?' he says. -Four,
says Willie. Thin I make We a major,
he says. Where dye get yeer pants p
he says. Firm England, says Willie
'Gloryous,' says Mckinley. make We 4
colonel he says. Let me thry We in
tactics he says. Suppose ye was con-
frontcd be Spanish ARMY in til
AFTERNOON, how wud We dhrefs?' he
says. I'd wear a stovepip hat a long
coat, white vest an lavender pants
says Willie. An if tn attack was he
night?' he says. I put on me dhress
shoot an go out to meet Thin says
Willie. y thuro sOjer, says Mckinley.
Suppose tn sociable lasted all night .
he says, I'd sound til retreat at day
break an have lie brave boys charge
back, he says, TO suitable appar'l. he
says. Mastery says Mckinley. 4 will
SIND yeer name In as brgader-gin' :
raj, he says. BE Thankful, tn rrch.
he says. is brave an PATRIOTIC he
says. 'ie will jine til other boys firm
tn club at Tampa he says. 'Ye sllud
be careful iv ye'er equipment he SAYS.
i hav almost iv'lything rready, says
Willie. Me man attinded to thin de-
Ails, he says. Blu: fear can't go to
TIL front immejetly.' he says. Me
pink silk shirts hasn't arrived lie
says. Well says Mack, wait FIR thin.
he says I'm anxious FIR to ind this hor-
BILE war he says, which has cost me
nanny sleepy night he says. but
'twud be crime FIR to sind sojer I'M
prepared to battle he says. Wait FIR
I'll : IL oil. ,t.
war. he says, and let ye'er watch
word be: 'Raymimber yeer manners
he says.
"They'se man out here says tn
privit sicrity. that wants to see ye,' he
says. Hes r'rough-lookln' charack-
ter that was in the 500 war; he says.
His name is Gin'ral Fiteun,' re says.
Throw tn man out says Mack. j
seen him in Pennsylvania avnoo yes
teraah. r'ridin' in street ca-ar.' he
says. All, Willie, me boy he SAYS
It's little We know what troubles
ha'e firm these vulgar sojers with
pants that bag at tn knees. Give me a
goold-tipped cgareet and, tell me
whether shirt waists is much worn in
New York this year
"iis, llinnssy, we put tn fastest
army in tn field that liver come on,
iv millinery shop. Right dhress.
was an ordhcr that meant some
thin Tn ARMY was followed b,
SPECIAL correspondents firm Butth.
rick's Pa'theerns an Harper's Bazaar
an if our brave boys don't gore an
pleat tn inlmy twill be because RI
inimy'l be r'rnde enough to school il
amy kind iv clothes they find on IN
chair whin they wake up.'-Chicage
Journal