The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-01-04
FLASHES OF FUN.

horribly jealous without any cause.
Maud-Don't be anxious. dear: I'll take
care he never does that Pick Me-Up.
Two hours of sleep before midnight
are better than four after that hour"
"Fidilesticks, Two hours of sleep af-
ter one in the morning are better than
NIL tie others" West Union Gazette
BLESS my soul cried the shade as
he entered the golden gates and they
gave him a trumpet; Il never learned
TO play this thing" That's the reason
you're here remarked -. pctcr-Ba-
EAR.
Reporter-WelI, l got the great Dr..
Slasher To sign that article for next
Sundays edition. Edtor-Good, But
what kept you so long? Reporter
Why. the idiot wanted to read it
Judge.
My Wife is rearing Bobby very care
fully. When he is disobedicnt he goes
to bed without his dinner" Isn't
that rather severeY' NO; she always
carries his dinner up to him" -Chlcago
Record.
Wheeler (who rides Lightning
You ought 10 get lock for that wheel.
Scorchcr (who rides a Blue Streak)-
Think so? Wheeler Some one
might steal it-for the lamp.-Cincin-
natl Enquirer
Mickey Dorlan-Hullo. Bill. How did
you like being a caddle? Billy Nolan
All, didn't like it at all, at all First
dc Teller he tOwld me ter kape me eye
on the bail. den he gave me de ball In
de eyc.-Bazar
'Do I get my riparian rights with
this whcclE" asked the lady of Ian
guage. Get whatT" asked the clerk.
surprised into rude abruptness. Ri
parian rights, / said. DO you repair
it"-Indianapolis Journal
Houser-How accurately are the Ills
OF nation reflected in the breasts of
her loyal sons. Watson-What do you
mean? Rouser-fHke me, for instance.
I'm desperately in need of more rev
cnuc-Philadelphia North American
80 that young man says he would
lay his fortune at your feetf" said Ma
Icis father. Yes" But he hasn't
done go 'N-no." "And perhaps YOU
caa tell Why Il guess. father, that
he h@sn't had 1t told Washing
ton Star.
at is the nature of n child to be
wanting to do something" said the en-
thusiaStic kindergartpner. "As far as
| have noticed" said the mother Of
six. 1T is the nature OF n child to be
wanting TO DO something clsc."-Cin-
cinnau Enquirer.
Battcrton Banged so, mum, it's
ag'in' me priucypuls T. chop 'nun wool
fer yc L cook me brekfuss wild. hut Of
you've a mind ter cook IL on dat gas
stove. I'll break de- lron-clad rules f de
associaahun I Llonss to, an turn on
De Puck.
Il may have bitten off more than
can chew" remarked the boa-cous.ric-
tor, as the young Gazcllc disappeared
within ifs capacious jaws: "but, thank
fortune I don't have to chew" And
it curlcd itself up for six-wecks' nap.
Chicago Tribune.
He Er these stories your father
tells about the things he saw out West.
YOU know. Shc-WclF Jfc-Oueht
To laugh at their impro5ablllty and
make him think am smart. or ought
TO pretend that ] believe them? Gin
cinnati Enquirer.
First Cyclist I oI,,a,., ,,.t ,,c,.,.c,,,,
,,.l,,,, .,, o., ,,.,.,,,.,,, ,,.,,....,,-, -,
ahead of me. Second EjrycIist- So do
l. Thpy have so many pins I'm tbeir
clothes that If fellow collidos with
them Ec f. olmos, sure to nrpcl,,rs ,
Ur".- Spare Moments.
Torn. Tattor- r.. .,,,rso 49,. n.,..
uv INV tustna.s nar1 I,t 49,, .',,
,y,r ,.orri.ds Dn,,t''..a p,,,
Nyot makes Won ask9 Torno Totiers
WHY. was wou1rriu' how Won over
acquired dat habit NV sicnrln; ,cf. Won.
hands I'm vcr pockofs prrr.
.c..,..., ,.. ... ,......,.....
.,. ...,'., .,,'..,',.. ..,,'..."- ~ cree
~ .t,. ,,..,. ., 49,. '.' .,.. ''.''''.
r,ort .,..'.-,,'. ,.,, ''.' ',''' .. r. I
,.-,i..... o.. .,.....