Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-04-14
HUMOROUS.

lulc mere. IHo OJueF Muu-De
benches in de parks bein' painted
see?
Hojack-Why are you consulting
the dictionary, Tomdik? 1 thought
you knew how to spell. Tomdik-I
do. 1 am not looking for informa-
ton, but for corroboration.
Teacher-You are painfully slow
with figures, Tommy. Come, now,
speak up quickly. If your father
gave your mother $50 and 800 bill,
what would she have? Tommy-A
fit.
Darling, please answer me-" he
moaned as he stood in the centre Of
the parlor. 81 am on the rack
$50 is your hat, shouted the old gen.
tleman. who had a gallery seat ON the
stairway.
Foxey-Did you sepl the Borems
card for your mussR Le? Mrs. Foxey
Yes; how coul get out of it?
Foxey = Well, Tsntell Borem that
Smith is going to come. Borem owes
him money.
Billy Blink boxing instructor
Great Scott That was an "outer"
you gave me. But what's that in your
glove, I say? Amateur Gust learning)
oh, that's q hCrseshoe-I put it
there for luck.
Judge-The officer says you were
drunk and disorderly. What have
you to say for yourself? The Culprit
Drunk, perhaps, your honor, but
~ Il IN,
order with me.
''Do you really mean to stand by
what you say about retiring from pub
lie life?" inquired the intimate friend
just before an election. 'How do
L know" responded the politician.
'I'm no prophet.
Ethel-Isn't it strange that Flossie
attracts such intellectual men? Maud
oh, no; she told me she always
planned her gowns when they talk to
her, and that gives her face that in
terested expression.
81 trust" she said, patronizingly,
''that you are a true artist-that you
contine your efforts to an elevated
plane" ''Assuredly, [ do, madam"
was the reply. 81 am frescoer and
invariably work with ladder"
Cholly-Maud has to wear glasses;
the oculist says she has been using
her eyes too much. Charley should
say SO! You ought to have seen her
at the dance the other night; she was
just surrounded by men all the time.
Mamma, said the little girl, when
the steamer was three days out.
"Well, darling?" said the indulgent
mother. Mamma, don't you think
we've sat in this place long enoughf
Let's move round to the front porch"
Ethel-Why didn't you attend Pro
fessor Dumps lecture on the "Cycles
of timer" 1t was very interesting.
Maud-The subject of the lecture was
embarrassing to me. You know, dear,
1 bought my wheel on the installment
plan.
She-Ah, count, you don't know
how my love for you distresses my
parents! heard my father say this
morning that he would give $4,000
if 1 could never see you again. The
COUNTLESS your faZaire in hees Offices
now, you sink?
Mrs. Hussel (of Chicago) Why,
there's another of those signs, ''Tai-
lor to H. R. H. the Prince of Wales!"
Does it take all the tailors in London
to keep him in clothes? Mr.. Hussel
Maybe he owes 'em all bills, and has
to go from one to another.
"My friends" said the minister,
earnestly, ''let us beware of Satan.
We know that he scatters tacks along
the narrow way in order that the just
may puncture their tires. And, as the
congregation pedaled homeward, many
member thought of the pastors
words.
He-I wonder what the meaning Of
that picture is? The youth and the
maiden are in tender attitude. She
oh, don't you see? He has just
asked her to marry him, and she is
accepting him. How sweet! What
does the artist call the picture? He
looking about see! It's writ.
ten on card at the bottom, ''Sold."