Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-07-17
HIS FATAL MISTAKE.
the mLnH PLAINLY SHOWS HIS
IGNORANCE OF DRy-GoODs.
rgOsg GOWNS FOR OUR JUDGES.
ga, the Chief Has
=. say on the thing
,.out Rev, sam Jones and a Little
rfb of His.


whats this thing about judges wear
e., gowns in Virginia?" Queried the Com
~s,ter-.n-Chief. very Unexpectedly, one
..,-n,nc. as she knocked the ashes out OF
~ smoking-pipe with feather buster.
"a next proceeded to crack the head OF
u. sx,h-born for some petty violation
n our domestic laws.
A. the time Of the query ] was buslly
GAGGED IN following the suggestions Of
i, EDITOR who knew more about war than
General shaitor. and 1t was some mo-
cents before / gave attention to the
cges,.on when / finally laid aside my
,swspaper, she said again:
so Judges are going to wear gowns,
ar, thsyg J see the barkeepers have re-
commended it.
This statement astounded me. Since
this war Of ours commenced II takes a
,s.p % astonish me, but the words OF the
cormandcr-in-Chief were as marvellous
as the return Of a borrowed five-doilar
note
,,nested ln amazement, why that's ridic-
Nous. AAt tFNa 80 NtN NhR RNNRiG MilO
v.st TO see our judiciary clothed in
gowns Where In the name OF goodness
S8 You get the idea that the whiskey-
man had anything 10 do with it?"
she turned her nose skyward, shifted
se0nfIiy looked contemptuously-oh
- contempWousiy-at me. and said, with
whitening sarcasm: 1t isn't often. as you
saw that I read the papers. but just as
certain as YOU are the most goOd-for-
nothing nan on earth. l saw, not a week
ago ,hat the Bar Association had passed
resolution expressing the wish that
gcgss should wear gowns. The lawyers
cont have anything TO do with 1t, except
ua. "a lot Of them were down at Old
Point 90 the time"
Aai then II dawned upon me-the horri-
Die truth. The good but disputatious
woman had hurriedly glanced over the
headlines Of the report Of the Bar Assoc
ca,ion meeting, and in her eagerness
% set TO the dry-goods advertisements
she had mistaken its purport.
Gently, softly, meekly, and APOLOGIZE
ta.ly / explained that the members of the
Bar Association were not harkeepers, but
good honest, small-charging lawyers.
whose chief ambition in life was TO serve
their profession and die poor.
Maybe / did misread the article" she
ss.d Just trife subdued, but that's
not any reason for you TO start growing
Besides. l want 10 know what business
{ lot Of nasty men have got wearing
gowns, anyhow. That's just the way with
you all. II a lot Of ladies had voted 10
wear pants for a certain purpose sou
would have harped on II and tried TO be
funny, and kept on sneering at new
women ana all that. l suppose these
Judges are TO be new men, aren't they?"
WhereupOn she attacked q speck Of dust
on The mantel, and completely routed Il.
1T has always been the custom OF
our appellate judiciary 10 be clothed in
he highest dignity" / said, with trem-
l.ou3 and apprehensive sternness
so you concede that women's garments
,re a badge Of dignity, do your she ex-
'aimed triumphantly, as she sighed for
more dust TO conquer.
The gowns designated for our Judges
ave nothing 10 do with feminine anna
ell vainly tried 10 explain. "They are
merely black robes. which fasten over the
clothing.
ANA what do you know about femi-
line apparel or ladies' gowns? "a like
o ask" She flew out, and with that !
melt fire or birthstone You're a pretty
ooking thing to be making comparisons
long this line. You couldn't tell to save
our old life whether those judges are
Ding TO wear empire gowns, or tea
owns. or nlght-gowns, or dressing
owns. or what? All you know is that
hey are going TO be black. Black what?
,lpaca? Serge? Camels hair? Diagonal?
'repon? Broadcloth? Granite-cloth? Gre
adine? Which? You couldn't answer II
omebody were going to blunt an axe on
our thick old skull"
And | couldn't, but In that moment of
operation ] determined to make one
VIA. frantic guess.
You can't expect a sensible, rational,
man to belittle himself
With such insignificant details" replied
With a grim hauteur that seemed to de-
ght her, but in this case happen to re-
etmber the material Of which the judges
owns are TO be made"
tWhst is It. Stupe3" she asked. C'Stupe"
ia pet word of hers which signifies
,ipid)
Lawn" I replied proudly. In a moment
knew that my guess was fatal. The Sc
Jnd in which It took this answer to reach |
co ears was fraught with the same kind
frivolous anxiety which one enjoys |
hen he expects 13-inch dynamite car
ridge TO burst beneath his chair.
il burst-I mean her reJoinder. Judges |
! lawn goWnsI I Well, well, well. To |
link that | should live TO see such q day. |
Judges In lawn gowns 10 uphold their dig |
10y. 1t will be a lovely picture-a beauti- |
u picture--a gorgeous pieture-an en- |
ancing plcture-a picture that people
81 come miles to see"
And the feather-duster caught the con-
gon Of her mirth and quivered with her
emuIous glee. and speck Of dirt which
ID yentured in, escaped unpublished.
! was too humble TO speak. In that /
Dur Of Cimmerian darkness l expert
iced an overwhelming realization OF wo-
ans infinite superiority over man.
rs that Mr.. Witt going 10 wear one of
.sse lawn gowns?" she ventured after
Be had chuckled herself into a state OF
ddiness which would have made lob
er look as pale as pocket handker-
lief
explained that he wasn't a Supreme
lur Judge; that he ought 70 be one, but
lsn't
But Mr. Crutchheld will certainly wear
s, won't he?" she persisted She calls
great men plain Mister" though she
death on speaking Of Mrs. General
-and-So" and Mrs. DIR. Thing-um-
3D."
and wearily / explained that
Ulster Crutehfeld" wasn't exactly what
call a Judge. although the essence OF
mnOn law and the extract Of equity
cke through his magisterial veins. |
e never did quite understand. but she
i1e out as II she did.
ieiore she finished domineering over me
took the trouble 70 show me piece
lawn. by way Of explaining the alb
fdlty OF my guess. 1t is white, dia-
anous stun, such as young girls wear,
o. mas imprinted upon II In colors vari- ,
designs Of flowers. vines, etc.
4hZe now that / made great, great