The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-08-19
Epistles to ST. Paul.

The telephone in the mayors office is off
watch. The end Of its usefulness came yes
terday afternoon when Mayor Kiefer had
set-to with 1t. 1t was almost o'clock when
the mayor let off his pent-up feelings in
sigh and shouted:
'Freddie!"
MIR. Hammer broke through the green baize
door in response
Your Worship" said Mr.. Hammer.
Il have got 1t fixed" said his worship.
Yes. your worship. What is it?"
''The police appointments; they are ready.
1 wish policemen could be disposed of &C
cording to the wishes of my friend Keller,
OF Stearns. Tomorrow l will have an attack
OF Observation-Disclosures. Freddie"
IF they are all quite ready. your worship"
said Freddie. might l suggest that they
ought to be sent to our official organ?"
You might suggest It, Freddie. It's
good idea. I'll send the list myself. 1t
won't hurt the administration Bit Freddie,
to take care of my friend Thompson" Then
his worship attacked the telephone.
Give me the Dispatch he commanded
the young woman at the other end of the
telephone. Hello! Is George there?'
This is George"
Il don't believe it. 1t doesn't sound like
Thompson's accent"
"Oh, this is George Dodds. Who's this?"
Ihls Is the mayor OF st. Paul. If George
Thompson isn't there you will do. 1 have
made up my mind about the police appoint
ments. Here is the list all ready"
go ahead"
First Joseph Krizanct.' The mayor
pushed this into the telephone receiver with
a fine North German accent that made the
instrument tremble.
Joseph Bazaz." repeated the man at the
other end.
mot Bazaz. Krizanct," corrected his wor-
ship.
"Oh, Kruzaz."
mo, no, K-r-i-z-a-n-c-t," shouted the
mayor "Mein Colt, where did those Fifth
ward constituents of mine get their system
of saying things" This in an aside. Have
you got it?'
Eyes; go ahead
"Tony Kostoherze."
TONY who?"
"Kostoherze." shouted the mayor. getting
red in the face. Cant you hear?"
II can hear all right, but you are little
bit beyond me- Try again. please"
'Kostoherze." shouted the mayor III you
can't get that what will happen when 1 try
to give you Horsch and Abraham Welsh
'See here" shouted the man at the other
end, what are you doing, stringing me?
I can't stand for that last combination"
you can't, hey? Well, you'll have to. did
Here, Freddie banging the telephone against
the wall. take this list down to that blasted
| Office. So help me I'll never take another
| chance on making appointments Of men with
names that you can't Jam into telephone"
And his worship ordered the license inspector
to fan him while he tried to recover his
| breath.
! A young woman who has something OF .
reputation in this town for wit went into a
large business house the other day and, seer
| ing a woman stenographer, thought she
might get the information she was looking
| for from her.
Twill you tell me-" she began. and then she
noticed that the typewriter artist was en-
gagged in yawning most pointedly.
"Oh, I beg your pardon" said the caller
very sweetly, 81 hope I'm not keeping you
| awake"
Didn't see something in The G o the
other day about there being scarcity Of
lobsters?" asked Johnny Mccarthy. I told
him that there was report to the effect.
well, there's nothing in 1t, assure you.
Didn't you see the list of probable cand dates
for nomination for county Office on the Re-
publican ticket that was printed the other
| day? And people talk about Holsters being
| scarce" The Philistine.