davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

t1ve of the colored race iD America. He
 served one term as Senator from Mis-.
 sissippi. Was born a slave in Virginia in 1S41. The tutor of his masters son taught him to read. After the war he became a student at Oberlin and final ly settled as a planter In Mississippi. He was county superintendent of edu- cation, sheriff and held various State offices before he was elected to the Uni ted States Senate. He was Register of the Treasury under Garfield and was reappointed by Mckinley to that office.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

A little girl in a New York school screamed at the sight of a mouse. The children became panicStricken and rushed screaming out of the room, the teachers ordered a fire drill. a fire alarm was rung in, distracted parents fought to enter the building and save their children from the supposed flames. And all for one small mouse. Rash Is the man that dares to laugh at the feminine fear of a mouse!
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
They Get 1t Honestly.

"Why is 1t that women always lay so much more stress than men do upon the value of a pedigreeY
 "They inherit 1t from Eve, I guess"
 Prom Eve? I don't see what she had t0 boast of in that line"
 Tt wasn't much, but she wasn't made out of clay, while Adam was, and I'll bet she never got through re- minding him of her superior origin"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Special dispatches from Cadiz, Ky, announce that Miss Beatrice Cunning ham of that place has recently publish cd a novel, the sale of which she Is now aecelerating by giving kiss with each book. She probable will do a fine male order business.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Not since the opening of the century has the earth been so far filled with stern threat and preparation for armed conflict, and 1t Is where the commercial spirit runs highest that the talk of war IS loudest. The armaments of the great commercial powers have never been so large either relatively or absolutely as to-day, but this is not enough, and to EnSiands special call for $12O,OOO, 900 tor more war ships, France echoes SloO.OOO.OO0, Russia $7O,OOO,OOO, Ger many quite as much, and the United states anywhere from $5O,OOO, 900 up
 !" special regular army and navy bills.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Hudson Bay Company Receipts.

Received, per Lapwing, Jane Goedy, as per invoice. in good condition; and
 Received. per Osprey, Mathilde fimbins. Returned. per Lapwing, as not being in accordance with descrip- tion contained in invoice"
 Thus read two receipts recently found among the archives of the Hudson Bay company. .-Kansas City Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

A bachelor philosopher remarks that mo man ever wants to kiss a girl after he has once seen her hold a nickel the conductor has given her for change be- tween her teeth. while she gets her purse open." and he further intimates that such girl Is only fit to kiss a pug dog. Of course bachelors are not al ways responsible critics.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Drawing Comparisons.

Charley-My papa is the kindest man in the world, bet. He says he'd give every dollar he's got to make me happy.
 Willie-My papa's better'n that. He never blows about the things Ee done when he was boy.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

An Eastern advertiser prints a picture of campaign rooster over an adver- tisement, saying: This Is the hen that Laid the eggs that we sell Is for 25 cents dozen" That advertiser should be arrested for a fraudulent use of the male
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

There is a bad state of affairs in Cleveland, Ohio. The Plain Dealer re- ports a man as saying: My cigar last night cost me a dollar" How soY' queried his friend. 'I smoked 1t at home, and my wife was sure the gas was leaking and telephoned for a plumber"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

The modern folding bed and the sen satiOnal newspaper correspondents are both employed for lying purposes, but the similarity ends right there. The bed shuts up occasionally.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

A watchmaker who brought suit for divorce a year ago has been arrested at the instlgation of his wife thirty i've times since then, and has spent the major portion of his time in jail await ing trial on some frivolous charge or other trumped up by the woman. The poor watchmaker is quite run down. and wants this sort of prosecution wound up at once.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

A poet in the London Spectator has excited the derisiOn of the English speaking world by rC-.arking 'T try to remember the future" Yet how many people have suffered disaster by care lessness In the matter of futures.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
It Was Rather Suppestivs

Jack-I thought you were engaged to Miss DeRibbons?
 Tom-So was; but it's off now.
 Jack-What was the trouble; did she break the engagement?
 TOm-NO; did. I happened to be in the store where she is employed the other day and heard her call for leash"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
She Couldn't Guess What It Was.

Mrs. Maundsley-DO your daughter and her husband live happily together?
 Mrs. Oldham-Alas, I'm afraid not. My daughter says they do, but every time go to visit them there seems to be something present to mar the seren- ity of their lives.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
A Moderr HTi-n.r.

MrS. Churchleigh-Our new minister possesses the most wonderful persua- sive powers l eyer knew a man to DOS SeSs.
 Mrs. Homer-Indeed! In what way has it been demonstrated7
 Mrs. Churchleigh-Whv. he has only been with us three weeks ar,i h7e suc- ceeded in conVerhng every H4enlH. .r of the choir.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Jeff Teeth usah NInsk

The natural habit of human beings appears to be the use of the teeth on the left side of the mouth for masticating the food. During a heightened period of observation only one person out of lS was found who used both sides of his mouth for chewing and mastic.5ing his food.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Oscar Wilde is undeniably a wit, even though he may be wicked. How are English prisoners treatedT some one asked him after his own release. Why" he responded, England treats her prisoners so badly that she does not deserve to have any,"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
He Had Been There.

.eWere you ever caught in a sudden souall?' asked a passenger of the steamboat captain.
 'eWeIl, I rather guess sop replied the captain. "I'm the father of three pairs of twinsw'
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

When the ocean is not big enough to accommodate our new navy any longer without crowding, we will buy another ocean, that's all.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

A Denver saloon-keeper offers print cd war song with each drink. The song probably Is enough to drive anyone to drink.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

We are constantly told that Spain has great pride.' It Is fortunate that she has. She doesn't seem to be over stocked with anything else, except 1t is iahoIiGm
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Unprofitab1e.

Judge-Is it true. my man, that you quit the gang and leformedf
 Prisoner-It's g solemn fact, yer Honor. Dey give ne de job of plekin' women's pockets aa' l c0uldn me more'n one or two ] month. l had ter look fur somethin' Gse ter dO.-Detroit Free Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

That Hamburg astronomer who claims to have discovered a second moon must have used an unusually large glass-a schooner" perhaps.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
The English Postoflce In I677.

The poStmasters were free from all public offices, from liability to quarter soldiers, and they received gazettes free of postage, "wherewith they advantage themselves ill their common trade of selling drink, and they have their sin gle letters free to London"
 The rates of postage in 1677 were comparatively low. A single letter -i. G., letter consisting of one sheet of paper only-could be sent for any dis tance up to 80 miles for twopence, and and beyond so miles for threepence. A letter weighing an ounce cost eightpence for so miles and a shilling beyond.
 The mails were dispatched from Lon- don about midnight on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and were due to arrive in London early on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings. They were carried on horseback at the rate of five miles an hour, aud they were liable to detention of not more than half an hour at each postoffice (stage) on the road. England was divided into six runnings, or roads-viz, west, Bristol, Chester; north. Yarmouth and Kent, starting from Plymouth, Bristol, Ches- ter, Edinburgh, Yarmouth and Dover espectively.-Notes and Queries.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
How If Waa-

Browne-Smith must lead a double life. He says he gives that man money for pOlicy's sake.
 TOwne- that man is Smiths in- surance agent.-New York Evening Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
VIE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
 THE COMIC PAPERS

Pleasant Incideatz Occurring the World Over-say yiugs that Are Cheer full to Old or YcauE-EunnS Seiec tion. that Everyboly Will Enjoy.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Recent statistics prove that the con- sumption of whisky throughout the West Is steadily decreasing. That shows what became of the air ship.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
She Was an Understudy.

Smith-SO your wife has gone on three weeks visit.
 Jones-Yes.
 Smith-Don't you miss the directing hand of the household department? Jones-Not at all. Her mother lives with us, and she didn't go on visit.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Not Very Enconraginr
 Mother-Well, prale lessor, do you think you will be able to make q rnuSi. clan of my daughtar?
 Professor-Alas' madam, I fear not. Mother-Why do yon say that. pro- lessor?
 Professor-Three score and ten is mans allotted number Of years. and am now % years old The time is too short, madam.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

American bicycles have become so popular in Germany that German man. ufacturers are hunting for methods to keep Americans out of the market.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
FouuoOut,

Visitor Gin insane gylum)-HoW long have you been iasle2
 Inmate-EvAr -..s,- he people on the outside found ods tlA I knew they were crazy.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

It seems to be peculiarity of French criminal trials that the conviction pre- cedes the prosecution.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
At the Opera.

Little Binks-NO-er-n much.
 She-I wondered at you applauding so vigorously when the principal actor said he was too indisposed to continue. Judy.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
The Remedy.

She-Are there not moments in your life when you are not satisfed-when there is something lacking?
 He-Yes, indeed!
 She-At such times always take ref uge in music. And what do you do? He-1 adVertiseLHeitere Welt.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Girls should not run around and tell about 1t when they are cutting their wisdom teeth; 1t gives away theIr age
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
The Difference.

CustOmer-Wldt is the differerca be- tween those two hais2
 Clerk-About the only dife.ence is in the price. One IS marked a d,lar nigh CT than the other.
 CustOmer-So I soe-a marked differ ence.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Going Around the World. A traveller can now go around the world h fifty days.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
His Int

"Are you taking much interest tn the Spanish Cuban war" inquired the Flu ropean statesman.
 T should say ! an,' replied the cap talist; ''compound ilterest. .''-Wasling ton Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

Ex-United States Senator B. K. Bruce is dead. Next to Fred Douglass he Eas the most conspicuous representa-
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Too Danrernns-

Why Is 1t that Davidson never goes out with the boys any moreY
 "He has developed habit of talking in his sleep about things that he does 1n his waking hours."
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY

oh, Havanai What an odor Connecti- cut is raising in thy name!
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
A Reasonable Hope.

"Yes," said MT. Gillipins, 'I think my son Daniel has a bright future ahead of him."
 Flows that?"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

A petty politician always wants to bs taken seriously
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
ence.

Shorty-How far is 1t to the postof- flee?
 About twenty minutes walk" "FOr you or for me."-New York Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Inst His Luck.

as Jenkins is."
 "What'S his latest prieyanceT'
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
take this

take this
 Clerk-CaShi
 Mrs. Perkins, here. young Teller, you needn't shout at me like that. Can't ye give me time to take out nay Docket- book New Yo1k Journal
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
The Re- nn.-.u

q have just found out why artists and poets wear their aair long"
 "Why is it?"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
First One a Recnrd

Jack-What an original girl Mabel Decker is!
 Fred-I never noticed it.
 Jack-I proposed to her last night. and she didn't say that she had hoped we might always be just good friends.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
orga. Music and Organ Playing.

Organ music reached it's climax with Bach. It may perhaps be said that all music did. At any rate, one thing is certain-viz, if there has been any prog ress in music since the day of Bach, it has been due to him. Bach's music is polyphonic. and polyphony is true music. To it's foundation upon this school is due the fact that there has been no decadence in music in Ger many. There has been no advance in polyphony since the days of Bach. Such advance as has been made has been in originality and boldness of modulation.
 For pure organ music Bach still is and probably will always remain the greatest of all composers. Even with all the modern mechanical appliances that have been attached to the organ, his works are still very difficult-per- haps the most difficult of organ compo- sitions. He must have been as great an organist as be was composer. That he should have been able to play upon the organ of his day works so exacting in technique as his own is simply marvel ous
 It is one of the phenomena of musical history that, while orchestral, operatio and other branches of music were in their infancy in Bach's day and have developed since then, Bach brought or gan music to it's climax. He was not the small sonrce whence flowed a rivulet which in time was to expand into a broad stream; he was the broad stream itself. The word Each" in German a brook, which led famous Ger man composer to say punningly that this great master was not Bach, but
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

ne.
 How long did you have 10 WalrF Fully five minntPs."
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

'He's Just got the agency TOT one or the best kinds of stove polish ever saw"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
A Strenk nf Incl
MOrgan-Picked a winner. eh7

Block-I had great luck at the races to-day.
 MOrgan-Picked a winner. eh7
 BlOck-NO; but when I reached the track I found I'd left all my money at home in my Other trousers.
 Morgan-Thats your idea of luck, ,tis 1t?
 Block-Yes; and tue best part of 1t was I didn't know soul there and couldn't borrow a cert.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
His Assurance,

Old Billyuns-W-bata assurance nave you to offer thar you really love my daughter?
 Anxious William-Why, ! have prom ised to come an live with your fa nily as member O ig for her sake. I wouldn't do tha for mere money. 'pon my word.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Almost Discouraged.

Almost Di5~OuA ,, Clara-I though he would never KISS
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Undec0rated.

Miss Williston How Is it. colonel, that you have l. medal? All the oth- CT officers in your regiment have lots of them.
 Col. Copeton--Wcii you see. I don't belong to any bicycle clubs and never made a century run in my life.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

He ICunu $o DlII thlS morning and is grumbling because a man to whom he owed $3.75 saw him pick it up."
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28
Ktep -ug IL.

htcE D% Ies Miss Truegood-Are you observing Lent?
 Mrs. Flickersou-Ies I've had horri- ble luck. l haven won 6 prize at a card party since < began.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-05-28

hey cant get it cut for nothlng."
The age-herald., 1898-12-18
A MIsrIT A SACRAMENT

From the Washington Post.
 A well-known chief engineer of the navy, who doesn't have to take any dust from General Shafter in the matter of avoirdu- pois-tipping the scales, as he does at a trifie more than 300 pounds-was recently ordered to take charge of the mechanical department of one of the smaller gunboats on the Pacific station. The engineer didn't particularly like the assignment, but 1t didn't worry him to the point of suicide. He simly sat down and made sketch of the exceedingly narrow doors that lead into the engine rooms of the gunboat to which he was ordered, marking the dimensions of the doors in figures on the sketch. Below his drawing of one of the engine-room doors this jolly chief engineer made a neat sketch of himself, full figure, not exagger- ating his Falstaffian paunch trife. He inches, circumferentlally, to this sketch of himself. Then he put the sketches in an envelope and respectfully submitted' them to the bureau of navigation. It was a sort of document that occasionally makes a hit. The inference to be drawn from the of the chief engineers passage through the engne-room doors of the ship to which he was ordered was so apparent-that the as- signment was recalled, and the laconic chief engineer is liable to get a flagship when the next batch of steam engineering assign ments is made.
The age-herald., 1898-12-18
AN ANTI-MALARIA SOCIETY

From the New York Tribune.
 Italy proposes to found a society to pro- mote the study of malaria, and as a prelim- mary to it's formation a prospectus has been issued setting forth that every year 2,OOO 900 of people are attacked by the inalady, of whom 5000 die. It Is prevalent in sixty-three provinces and nearly 5000 communes, and renders impossible the cul- tivation of upward of 5,oOo,O0o acres of land Scientific study of the malady and the means of its prevention or diminution are the proposed objects of the society, but the latter is to be attacked more directly in one territorial quarter at least by a Ger man company which has been organized to drain the Pontine marshes. The scheme consists in the construction of embank- ments built so as to regulate the flow of water from the mountains to the sea, and all around the marshes a large canal is to be dug to receive the water drained from the swamps. It is expected that they will thus become healthy and productive instead of breeding-grounds of pestilence, as they have always hitherto been. As German money is behind the enterprise, it is prob ably feasible, and it's accomplishment will tend to promote the aims of the anti-ma- laria society more than their Investigations
The age-herald., 1898-12-18
President-Makinq on a French Basis.

The treaty is to be ratified-lf not during the short session, then immediately after wards. It is to be ratified. that much IS sure. MT. Bryan favors ratification, and so does the administration, and these are the greatest powers in the land. They are at any rate great enough to secure the ratification of peace treaty.
 It is plain that the administration will, after ratification, become strictly speaking, the opportunist party of the United States. In France they are accustomed to oppor- tunists, or time servers, but in this country and in England opportunism has rarely been favored. An outspoken policy stoutly supported is the rule, or at least the pref erence, and the opportunist is generally charged with want of sincerity or cour- age, or backbone.
 MT Mckinley has all along his political career been more or less of an opportunist; his habits of thought and his experience in politics incline him that way. He was once a silver man, but he permitted time and circumstances to transform him into gold man. He drifted from revenue tariff in Garfield's time to protection robbery of the most shameless sort. He is a born drifter, and he gathers moss, but not convictions, as he goes along.
 He is preparing to do the drifting act in the w-possessions business. He proposes to let military governments be established, without outlining any fixed policy as to the government of any of the new possessions That is a subject. he will say. that con- gress must determine although his province of recommendation and influence is ample. He will take care that the new congress does not meet in extra session, thus post poning all action until the early months of 1900, and then action will be postponed un- der one pretext or another until after the presidential election, when the subject will be dealt with most vigorously. The subject is to be kept alive and imminent throughout l..e presidential campaign, which is rapidly assuming form. overshadowing all other subjects
 Colonel Bryan and the democrats will picture opportunism in all its colors and viciousness. They will contend for plain, frank, courageous and constitutional policy from the outset in relation to the Philip pines and Porto Rico and Cuba. They will appeal to the country to frown down dis honesty and demagogism in such grave af- fairs. They will denounce the time-servers. They may not be able to accomplish much, because all branches of the government will, after March 4, be In republican hands; but they will at least be able to uncover the deceit and trickery of the administra- ton. They will at least be able to warn the people against the unfairness and dan- gers involved in opportunism when applied to constitutional questions.
The age-herald., 1898-12-18
LET DEWEY COME HOME

From the St. Louis Republic.
 If there is one proposition upon which all American citizens are harmonious it is that honor be done Rear Admiral Dewey. People of all shades of political opinion, men whose policies are divergent as the poles-ex- pansionists, imperialists and annexationists are a unit when it comes to naming the greatest hero of the war. id
 Genuine regret will be universal if it should prove true that the great sea cap tain's health has given way before the stress and tension of his arduous duties and the trying climate in the Philippines. He is rapidly approaching the age when his re- tirement will become necessary, even if his health continues. His counsel and opinion would be of essential importance to Presi- dent Mckinley in shaping policy for the Philippines; the American people. who love and honor him from afar, have a risht to see the hero of Manila.
 With the final establishment of peace with Spain and the presence of an adequate land army about Manila there seems to be every reason why the great captain should be per- mitted to come home Let us hope that he will retire in rugged health,, steaming through the Suez in his gallant flagship, and anchoring safely one of these fine days in New York harbOr.