Rocky Ford enterprise., 1898-11-17
WIT WAS SPARKLING.
SOME OF THE GOOD THINGS
SAID BY JOHN cURRAN.
DaaIel O'Conneiis ssrcasm-His Descrlp-
tion Of Woman Whose Manners
Were Coldiy stln and formai-Othsr
Happy Examples Of Humos.

John Philpot Curran was noted for
his powers Of repartee and sarcasm.
Many Of his good things In that line
have come down to US through the
century. says the London Telegraph.
There could not be a better testimony
to their worth. but ns most of them
are too well known to need repeating
hero l will simply give u few that l
have picked up In out-of-the-way
places.
At u dinner table In London the
conversation turned on public speak
Ing. Curran stated that he could
never address an audience for a quar-
ter OF an hour without moistening his
lips. II have the advantage OF you
there. Curran." said Sir Thomas Tur-
ton. pompous and pretentious MEM
ber Of parliament. II spoke the other
night In the house of commons for Ave
hours on the nabob of Dude. and never
felt In the least thirsty" THAT is
very remarkable indeed" replied Cur
ran. "for every one agrees that 1t was
the driest speech of the session
One day Curran was walking past thu
Parliament house In College Green. be-
fore the Bank of Ireland got possession
Of 1t. with q nobleman who had pro-
NOTED the legislative union by his
votes. II wonder what they intend to
do with that useless building?" said
the nobleman. For my part, / hate
the sight of It," II don't wonder at
that, my lord.' returned Ourran, who
was an anti-unionist, 81 never yet
heard OF a murderer who was not
afraid Of ghost"
Curran. as will be seen from these
anecdotes, could say mordant and cut
ting things. but perhaps no man was
ever insulted with such dialectical
neatness and righteousness as Curran
was by the famous maker of bulls"
Sir Boyle Roche, in the Irish house OF
commons. "The honorable gentleman
says he Is the guardian Of his own
honor" said Roche in reply to a speech
Of Curran. but on other occasions I
have heard him boast that he was an
enemy Of sinecures.'
Curran was defeated in conversa-
tional contest with Lady Morgan. the
dy's drawing room. when. exaggeratins
the prevailing fashion In short sleeves.
she wore merely straps over her shoul-
ders. Curan was walking away from
the little party who witnessed the con-
flict Of the two wits. when Lady Nor
gan called out: "Ah. come back. Mr..
Curran, and acknowledge that you are
fairly beaten" "At any rate" said he.
turning round. II have this consola-
ton. Lady Morgan. that you can't
laugh at me in your sleeve"
Daniel O'Connell's sarcastic and
graphic description OF lady of stiff.
cold and formal manners Is very hap
py. "She has all the characteristics Of
poker-except Its occasional
warmth"
This recalls the story of the two Irish
servants who. discussing the stiff and
unbending manners OF the young lady
of the family. agreed that When she
was a baby her mother must have fed
her upon boiled pokers, underdone."
Another happy and humorous exam
ple of sarcasm-as apart from repartee
lis afforded by the following anecdote.
I quote it on the authority of friend,
who, am afraid, was the villain of the
incident. A most imperturbable man
was followed from. Westmoreland
street. Dublin. over the O'Connell
bridge to the general postofiice by two
little street arabs. who importuned
him for the end OF his cigar. Throw US
| the butt. sir! All, sir, throw us the
butt" cried the youths; but as the
man did not hetray the slightest con-
seriousness of their existence they gave
him up at last in despair and disgust.
.Arrah, let him alone" said one, with
the most scorching scorn. "shure. it's
a butt he's picked up himself"
I once heard bumptious little man.
who, acting as a steward at athletic
sports in Dublin, was very assertive in
keeping back the crowd, thus address
sed by an angry spectator: "If the
consate was taken out Of yez, ye'd be
no bigger than green gooseberry and
ye're as sour as wan already"