The daily morning journal and courier., 1898-10-19

] had accidentally met. An what that, yer honner?" "Thatyou are going to marry again." Faith, that's so, yer homer" But your first wife has only | been dead a few months!" exclaimed the landlord. Sure" said Pat she's as dead now as she iver will be, yer | honnor!" A steward of an Irish estate was asked by visitor whether certain trees were old Well, Sir, thim that 1 planted thim won't have the toothache any longer" was the mysterious reply
 A horse dealer while examining res | tive animal at Ballinasloe Fair had a narrow escape from bad kick. Faith, I'll have nothin to do with that, boyo," said he. He's as handy with his hind legs as pugilst."
 | During the Crimean War the supply of tallow was limited, and, as conse- quence, candles went up in price, A woman was charged halfpenny in | stead of farthing for tallow candle ! at the village shop. Now, how is that ! MT. O'Brien?" she inquired. It's due to the war, ma'am," said the shop | keeper. Well" exclaimed the woman, | T niver knew they fight by candlelight before!" gentleman once said to a milkman who admitted that he went with his pail occasionally to the pump How do you know, Tom, when to stop watering the milk?" "Begorra, yer homer, go on waterin' till the costom- CTS cry out agin it." was the candid reply. A farmers wife bought box of matches in a shop in Limerick on her weekly visit to the city. On the next market day she returned the matches, as they were damp. They're all right, ma'am,' said the shopkeeper, Hook at this" and he lit one of the matches by rubbing it on the leg of his trousers. "Arrah, get out with you" cried the countrywoman When I want to light the fire must come in six miles from Ballyneety to strike match on yer ould britches?" There is classic local ity in Dublin known as Pill Lane. The way to the Four Courts from the north ern part of the city lies through it, As distinguished member of the Irish bar passed down the lane one day the | following conversation took place be- tween fishwoman and a man: 'Faix, l if ye had all the larnin' that that 1 gintleman has got unher his hair ye might consider yerself wise man" said the woman. "Oh thin, d sooner have the money he has in his purse replied the man. More fool you, thin" said l the women; sure, tis with their brains the likes of him fills their pockets"
 I think it will be admitted that these expressions absurd quaint, audacious, whimsical, and extravagant which rise spontaneously and necessarily to the lips of the Irish peasantry, have a charm just as subtle and just as deliei- ous as the most brilliant flashes of wit and humor. A woman went to her parish priest in Belfast and complained of the conduct of her husband. He drank all his wages, he beat her ire quently, and he rarely went to mass on | Sundays. "Is the man a Catholic at all?" asked the priest, mortified at the long litany of the husbands iniquities
 "Musha, yer riverence, it's too good a Catholic he is" was the wife's comical | reply. If my Tim had his way he'd knock the heads off all the Protestants between this and Dublin!" An old peasant woman who spoke little Eng fish was examined by her priest who told me the story as to her knowledge of the doctrines of the Catholic Church. She was asked, among other questions, to repeat the names of the Trinity. Fla ther, Son. she replied, and then after a pause, added, "Faix, yer riverence, forgit the name of the other gintleman. T A friend of mine found two countrymer in the dust of the highway. The upper most was humping the 1owermost
 My friend said. Let him get up. Iris cowardly thing to hit a fellow l when he's down. The victor panted: Yer honner'd niver be after askin' me to let him up av ye knew the thrubb!a I had to down him. The governor ot prison in Limerick told me an anus ing story of refractory prisoner with whom he had once to deal. The man re- fused to work on the treadmill, and was brought before the Governor for dis obedience of the warders orders. The Governor asked him what objection he had to working on the treadmll. "Me go on the treadmill he cried. "Niver
 Sorr," and proudly drawing himself UT he added, "Pd rather lave the jail first.
 The boy being father to the man, the same quality of unconscious humor is
 to be found among the youth of Ireland
 A Roman Catholic Bishop was exanin. l illB d iicSS VI 5GilOOlUOyS III LlIG uct'
 trines of the Church preparatory to thu administration of Confirmation "Wha
 is cursing?" he asked one youth
 Wishing i'll to a neighbour" came th'
 stereotyped reply. Gan any boy givt
 me a better difintion?" said tht
 Bishop. "Go to the devil my lord,
 cried a bright little boy at the end O
 the class. A youth in another confir
 nation class was asked the meaning
 of "a clear conscience" Tt names {
 clane inside.'' was the reply. A schoo
 inspector told me that while examining
 a class of small boys in geography in z
 national school in a remote part O
 Ireland, he put the question. What i!
 a lake?" Sure, 'tis the hole in z
 kittle, sur" said one of the youths. I
 was the only ''lake'' with which he wa.
 acquainted. little boy was caugh
 by an irate farmer up in one of hi! apple trees. Come down this instant,
 roared the farmer and I'll give yol
 a small box in the ear, you brguard.
 "Troth, sur, I wouldn't come down i
 you'd give me dozen," was the reply
 Irish domestics are widely noted fol
 their simplicity and their quaint re
 marks. A lady desiring to make tht rz f Cs1