Evening star., 1898-03-11
FORTUNE IN KICKS
A Good Story From Dublin Told by Dr. John
P. Mahaffy.
How Big Policeman Acquired
Wealth ms n Target for Trinity
College Students.
Policeman Acoutrcd
Written for The Evening Star.

| Written for The Evening Star.
Notable among the many persons who
will vouch for the following story may be
quoted DR.. John Pentland Mah3ffy. the
| celebrated Greek scholar and fellow of
| Dublin University. In point of fact, DIR.
Mahaffy told the, incident on himself
! the occasion of his recent visit to Chau-
| tauqua.
Most old graduates of Trinity College,
Dublin. and very nary Dublin citizens.
| will recall "Madden's Baby" This was the
| soubriquet awarded by humorous students
to certain gigantic policeman, whose duty
| II was TO stand in front of the once famous
| Out vanishcd) Maoden's cigar divan,
| almost directly opposite the main entrance
to Trinity" "Madden's Baby" stool over
| seven feet in his boots, and was built
| broadly in considerably more than his due
proportion. Indeed. he was a very rlour-
| tain Of man: and. like most giants, as
| good-humored as could well be desired.
Now, since the days of Charles O'Mal-
| ly' and long befor the appearance OF that
| amusing volume, the undergraduates of
Dublin University have been renowned for
| their fun-loving and registering propensi-
| ties. Under cover of darkness they were,
naturally. able to play more pranks than
could ne compassed in the daytime. and
| since the period assigned for ''Mad1en's
| Baby" to Patrol his beat lay during the
very late and very early hours it may
| easily be imagined what hard time the
| BABY" filled in keeping students and their
| friends within bounds. The Baby had a
| genuine affection for all Trinity boys, ard
1t irked him exceedingly when he vas
! forced. for some exceptionally 1io.ous act,
to carry any of them prisoners to College
street police station. Indeed 1t WAS quite
a common thing for the Baby moved by
the undergraduates plea, to release him
| with caution before they reached The
! place of detention.
But in process of time "Madden's Raby''
| tock unto himself wife. the daughter of
one of the college bedmakers. She was
sharp little body. and the great possihil-
tiles for making money which were nightly
wasted by her big, sOod-na tured husband
quickly dawned upon her Finally sha gave
| the Baby good talking to, with the
suit that he caused to be noised abroad in
| undergraduate circles that he could release
| from custody no more students unless a
quid pro quo in the shape of coin CT the
re lin should find its way into his ca
peciouS palm.
| The Trinity boys rather liked the new
| idea than otherwise, and were quite willing
| to pay for any fun they might enjoy. Mid
| night serenades, mock bailets outside the
college gates ard similar disturna mes OF
the peace became of nightly occurrence.
| 'Maddens Baby" took scores OF prisoners.
released them promptly, ard thereby made
| much small coin.
| But mere noise became to- slow for
| the boys. One night a genius of his kind
| invented new and altogether Ito the Trim
ity boy) delightful method of breaking the
peace Marching coolly up to the spot
| where ''Madden's Baby reared his coios-
sal height. he said:
'Hulo Baby! What will you take to let
me kick your
| The eyes of "Madden's Baby flashed an
grily but he thought of Mrs. "Madden's $
| Baby and the little "Maddens Babies"
at home until the extraordinary proposition
| grew even tempting. For moment more
ne considered and then smilingly replied:
| For a SOFT aisy kick I'll take 10 shil-
lings; for a good, hard one it will be SOW
| ereign."
genius; Il want t5 worth, hard, if you
please"
Unresistingly, without shame or remon-
! STRANGE, ''MaddenS Baby permitted him.
! self to be kicked-kicked hard-five times
| in succession. Then, grinning with pain,
| he held out his hard and received therein
the price of his humiiation-five golden
| sovereigns, with an extra half crown for
| salvage.
| Thereafter the new idea spread rapidly;
| and no undergraduate attained to the proud
distinction of being considered Wild un-
til he had. at least once. paid his sovereign
| like a man and inflicted or more kicks
| upon the person of Madden baby.
| Thus far common Trinity College history
| known to every one connected with >-ueen
| Bess' gray pile and erbamed in Dublin
| tradition. AT this point DR.. Mahaffy may
| be permitted to take up the thread of the
| narrative, and describe the retirement from
| active service and present conditions of
| "Maddens Baby"
| when 1 lett for the United States in
| $780, said DR.. Mahaffy, 1.-The worthy man
| known officially as Policeman B. 391, but
| more usually styled 'Madden's Baby, was
| still in harness. nightly patrolling college
| green, in front of Trinity gates. Indeed
| he was looked upon as fixture, and l. for
| one. never expected to hear of his removal
| from his beat within my time. Neverthe-
| less when l returned to Ireland, after my
! pf America Of ba frs
| items of college news brought to my notice
was the disappearance of 'Madden's Baby
| Il will confess to some curiosity in this
| case; and, after weeks had gone by with
| out news Of the gigantic guardian of the
| peace, l caused inquiries to be made. The
results were interesting. My man servant
| found that Policeman B, s'l, had retired
| from the force; and without difficulty
| traced him to Booterstown a pleasant sea-
side suburb of Dublin. Here. in charm
| ing verbena-covered cottage, with about
five acres of garden land and private
| bathing place. 'Madden's Baby was dis
| covered. bigger and fatter than ever.
My servant had known him for years,
| and experienced no difficulty in asking
| questions as to the source of the many evil
| dences of prosperity noticeable on every
| side
"'Has some one left you legacy, Baby?'
he asked.
1.-THE Baby smiled like a Cyclops I'll
| go ball. he replied, that DR.. Maha.y put
| you up to ask that. Well, you can tell thu
| doctor that sorra a legacy has been left
| to Maddens Baby. Every bit of furniture
! in this house, every flower in this garden,
| and nice tidy little fortune in the Bank
of Ireland was made out of the sovereigns
I got for letting the Trinity College boys
| kick me-
Further inquiry demonstrated the abso-
| lutte truth of the 'Baby's' story. He had
| named his handsome suburban cottage
| Kick villa and chosen it's whereabouts,
| wittily enough, in the parish of Booters-
| town. And there to this day he dT-ellc.
| with his wife and seven children, quite
| happily and respected by his friends, while
| a comfortable annual income attests to lie
| fact that if kicks were plentiful among
| Trinity boys, halfpence were even me- So.