The herald., 1898-10-28
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The JOKE TRUST
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BY HOGABOOM

For some time past / have been working
upon the plans and specifications or one ei
the most gigantic business enterprises ever
ATTEMPTED on this or any other continent.
1t is nothing less than the formation OF
Joke combine, to cover the whole OF the
United States, with headquarters IN tins
place, and branches in all the leading cities
OF the country. 1t is intended to control
practically the entire joke output OF the
United States, with a view TO advancing
prices on this staple article of daily con.
sumption, and also to elevate the tone OF
the trade generally.
The trust for such it will really be, will
start out with a capitalization OF SS.3o iully
paid up. Each individual manufacturer oi
Jokes throughout the United States who de-
sires to join the combine will be required to
pay into the treasury OF the company the
sum of 10 cents, or, IN case OF his not beng
able to raise that amount OF money, to give
his note, secured upon his plant for a like
amount. He will also be required to sign an
agreement to handle the entire product OF
his plant through the trust.
The joke manufacturing business has Ian
guished for some time, as the direct result
of competition and over-production. The
trust will do away with competition in the
business entirely. There viii be one scale
of prices and publishers will be obliged to
fRy the prevailing prices or go without jokes.
The scale of prices will be carefully gotten
up. For instance the mother-in-law joke
will be given three classifications. Original
mother-in-law jokes (very rare in single
packages, will command the highest prices,
while warmed-over mother-in-law jokes, in
dozen lots, warranted not to corrode or tar
nlsh, will be placed at a very moderate,
though living price. Secondhand mother
ln-law Jokes, for almanacs and patent medi-
cine papers, will be handled only in carload
lots, but will be placed at figure well within
the reach OF all.
Special attention will be paid to the re-
quirements of the trade. A carefully Sc
lected and assorted line of golf Jokes for So
| ciety papers, will be kept constantly Oh
hand. These will be without any point to
them, OF course, but they will be very neatly
gotten up, to please the special class OF
reader. Gold brick jokes for agricultural
papers Will be one of the specialties, also.
These will be put up in lots of one, two or
| three dozen, packed in sawdust, and with
nothing but the plain address on the out
side. They will be warranted to keep in any
climate, except when exposed to the air.
am also contemplating putting in plant
here, to be run under the general direction
Of the trust, where jokes can be made to or
der: Publishers can then send in general
| outline of what they wish, stating size, shape
and quality of material to be used, and jokes
will be sent to them when completed, by ex-
press, with privilege of examination, before
paying the money. Directions for setting
up and operating will be enclosed.
| have been wondering, also, if it wouldn't
pay us to put in a cheap plant for turning
out machine made jokes on large scale, that
could be used by young men at church fairs
and house parties and things like that;
something cheap but substantial, you know
They could be put up in paper packages, and
fitted with common steel springs, that work
automatically, so that all the young man will
have to do will be to spring them and there
would be no mental effort required.
fit to 60 into the importing business. 1t
might have a man travelling constantly
about, in out-of-the-way places, picking up
rare antiques, here and there, for use by
people ON the stage. I am reliably informed