Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1898-05-24
COED AND CHEERFUL,
That Is the Only Way to Tell Lies n

| That Is the Only Way to Tell Lies Now
| adays.
| The parched prairie with its coat of
I dry mesquite grass, stretched about us
| Unfortunately. The sun blaZed from a
| coppery sky, and the. hot air glistened
| like heat from a furnace. One lone,
| yellow cloud in the south glistened with
metallic lustre. The straight road BIZ
sected the plain, a dull red mark that
dwindled into whitish thread in the
far distance The wind bowled across the
| expanse as from a fire.
An incipient whirlwind would start up
occasionally lift cloud of dust and dead
grass against the sky and then die as if
from the very barrenness of its course.
| There was no promise of water in all the
drouthy view, bar the delusve simmer
ing of mirage far out on our left.
AS we looked and hesitated to venture
further upon the arid desert, a film of
Gust appeared far up the plain and rolled
in increasing volume along the road.
In the kicked up haze we soon deserted
the outline of horseman galloping to-
ward US.
We stopped and waited.
He came sweeping on in a long lope,
and would have dashed by with a wave of
the hand had we not halted him.
Gould you tell us something of the
country ahead?" one of US asked.
II might tell you something, SIR"
rs it dry?'
Yes, l reckon you would call it dry.
Tell you what's a fact-so dry out there
the cattle just shrivel up and blow off.
IT,
Float by in droves, hidin' the sun-fact."
Did this come under your observa-
tion?'
Conservation? Well I should say so.
I worked month tryin' to round EN- up
to ship east-thought maybe we could sell
EN- to a shoe factory for sole leather.
But it wasn't any go. We couldn't sorter
hold our own with the buzzards-fact."
1T will very likely cripple the cattle
business, will it not?' we asked with a
show of credulity.
THE COW biz is busted unless some one
invents a flying machine. Broncs and
cowboys amt no good on the fly, an the
buzzards are monopolizng the business.
They are gettin' SO much practice they
can drive the hides agin the wind-fact."
1t is warm out there?" we inquired,
expecting further startling intelligence.
We were not disappointed.
mo; I'll tell you the truth. You're
travelin' in that direction an don't want
to discourage you. No, it amt warm. It's
b'ilin'. Tell you what's a fact. The boss
on the ranch ordered us boys to dress a
beef late one evening and what do you
reckon happened?"
Haven't the least idea"
well I'm a liar gentlemen, if that
beef wasn't crisp cracklin' before
we could get the hide off of it. You need
a fan-fact"
It's rather hot, then?"
'Hots no name for it-take a stick and
dig through to hell most anywhere
Reason I'm leavn'-fact."
ANY water out there"
Water? What's that?" he asked with
a blank face. Water, wate-," he re-
peated, wrinkling his brow in deep per-
plexity las if trying to recall something
long time forgotten.
LET me see" he said, looking up "is
it kind of stuff to drink, gentlemen"
Yes, used for drinking purposes"
20, yes, yes-understand you now. Been
so long since I've seen any, had most for
got what it as. No, you'll not find any
water out there. I'd sooner look for a
gold mine in 10-acre lot on the face of
the MOON
What do they do for water?"
Use billed air and 'magination-fact
The people are leaving the country, are
they not?"
Il should say so, and what can't leave
just dry up and blow off to the sweet by
and by; bound to go-fact."
Would you advise us to go any further
west?'
Gentlemen, I have been giving you
facts. If you don't like EN-, go an See
for yourselves" and putting spurs to
his pony he cantered down the dusty road
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