Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-07-28
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
"That fellow called me an ass he.
hind my back" 'Did you kick?'
''She has loved him silently for
many years" Heavens! What won't
a woman's love accomplish.
"What do you call the cat?" "Boom-
g a1g. We've fred her dozen times,
but she always comes back"
The Father What are your pros
poets, young man? The Suitor-A-
er-thats what I'm trying to find
out.
cold Grabber ought to be satisfied
with the money he has," "He is sat-
isfed-so much so that he wants lot
more of exactly the same kind"
She-Julie and Joe are engaged,
but they have decided to keep their
engagement secret; Julie told me
SO. He-Yes, know it; Joe told me.
Bertha-Charley says that when we
are married mamma shall stay with us
as long as she lives. Edith And yet
you persist in believing him a truth
full man!
Lester, DEAR" said Mrs. Giddings,
anxiously, to her husband, II don't
like that cough of yours" "Im
sorry," replied Giddings, "but it is
the best / have"
Proud Father-My daughter strikes
B and is reaching for G. Friend-Oh,
but you can't really complain until
she begins to strike you for VS. and
reacn for KS.
Jack-I hear that she speaks every
known language. Tom Must be
mistake. Last night 1 asked her to
give me plain English Eyes" and
she said she couldn't.
Little George DO you folks ever
have family prayers before breakfast?
Little Albert No. we only have pray
ers before we go to bed. We amt
afraid in the daytime.
Weaver-Poetry is something that
IS born in one; it canno. be acquired.
The making of poetry is a gift. Bea-
ver-So is the disposing of it, so far
as have had any experience.
81 wish you wouldn't be asking me
for money all the time" growled the
husband, "I'm not, DEAR" respond
ed the wife sweetly. "Part of the
time is occupied in spending it,"
Kate-They've got just the thing
now that we've been wanting. 1t is
an automatic cyclometer. Belle-You
don't mean it! Kate-Yes. It goes
right on scoring miles while you rest.
Jane (reading) THE wearied senti-
mel leaned on his gun and stole few
moments sleep. Little Robbie-I
know where he stole it from. Jane
Where, Robbie? Robbie-From his
nap-sack.
''Is the crying of an infant in the
night asked the newest boarder, "a
call to arms?'' Sometimes, ad-
mitted the Cheerful idiot ''And
again, it may be only bottle cry. 1t
all depends.
"Beef is likely to be very DEAR"
said the young husband to his mex
perienced wife. ''Never mind, love-"
replied the latter, whose housekeep-
ing experience is nil. "Never mind;
we'll live on porterhouse steak"
Rostrand-That tall, angular man?
Oh, he's Hairweight; famous for his
poetry. Why, I never heard
of it. Rostrand-Probably not. He's
famous for having written more OBJ
scure verse than any man in his set.
Perry Patettic-I wonder how one
of them fellers that has steady job
and works every day feels? Wayworn
Watson You better not let your
thinker run on them ideas. First
thing you know you may go wrong.
Scorcher.--T They say that it has
bad effect on the brain to ride with
your head down between the handle
bars. Sprocket-Don't you believe a
word of it. The men who ride that
way haven't any brain to be affected.
Family Friend : congratulate you,
my dear sir, on the marriage of your
daughter. l see you are gradually
getting all the girls off your hands.
Old Olivebranch-Off my hands-yesl
But the worst of it is, have to keep
their husbands on their feet.
Doctor--Did you take that prescrip-
ton around to Mr.. Ailing? Boy
Yes, sir. Doctor forgot the exact
number of his residence. How did
you find it? Boy--I told everybody
that had one of your prescriptions
for Mr.. Ailing, and they all told me
to look for house with Grape on the
doer.