davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
CAPTURE OF A VETERAN,
By the Commander In Chief of His Head
 quarters.

 quarters.
 "Say, mister. have you seen a mean lookin little cuss with a blue suit an brass buttons on hangin raoun here this l week?" said tall woman to the clerk at Lewiston hotel Friday.
 Don't know that have. How mean does he look?" was the reply.
 "He pertends to be a vitran," con- tinued the woman regarding the clerk over her glasses, "an ginrally about Grand Army time he disappears from his wife's bed an board an goes off an ticks the hull south. want to see him. [ want him to come home."
 Up the corridors came the sound of laughter.
 A party of veterans were telling tales f war.
 A familiar voice smote upon the air. The woman's lips closed tightly.
 "I tell you, comrades, I jes' enjoyed that, air fight at Chancellorsville more'n did the hull durned muss from fus to las. You see, Gin rul Jackson was off on to our lef' a-trampin like the very devil to outf1ank the Union lines That air mornin my cap'n he sez to me, sez he. Jake, you take a detachment O five men an go aout an see what Stonewall's doin! Elf you suspect-ef you suspect, sez he-'that there's any kind O sneakin CT beatin aroun the bush goin on, you jes' lay low an kyhoot for the Union lines Well, sez I''-
 Just then a woman showed through the throng and linked her arm in his.
 The words died on his lips. The fight died out of his eyes. A spasm passed over his countenance that left it sickly green, the color of the hide of a sour cucumber.
 "Jabez," said the woman, "be you here a-lyin ag'in? What made you take that air hoss an drive him here to this c. A. R. spree? Hev you been a-drink- in2 Hev you been a-forgettin of your commandment not to lie? Did you tell these gentlemen that as fur as you got to war was to Augusta, an thet you got so feared over there thet you was sick for three weeks? Gin'rul Jackson 1! 1 You little lyin thing youl Did you tell l the Grand Army men that you was drafted an thet they couldn't find you l fer six weeks where you was a-hidin in tho woods?
 "Come home, Jabez-the caows and l the pigs need you."
 And the little old man in the blue coat looked up into the woman's face with gray, misty, fearful look in his eyes. The glad light that had been in them was gone. His little bit of glory 1 was at an end.
 Poor old fellow-after ralll-Lewiston l { (Me.) Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
A Wronged Man.

Parker-You've been talking for sev- eral months past about the woes of the Cubans and demanding that this coun. try go to war for the purpose of setting them free, but your sympathy doesn't seem to have led you to do anything substantial toward putting an end to the trouble.
 Hawksley-That's just where you're away off, like all the rest of the cow ards who have advocated peace; I paid out $3.90 for stuff that my wife is using to make battle flag for the regl- ment that Is being recruited here.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

ly hOnOred.
 Miss FIckley-I think the binding is a real work of art.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Gottinr rren win Him.

"Papa, said the little girl "who do you love nest iH tbe WoIldy'
 Of course she thought she knew what he would reply, anu ne Anew tnaC sno thought she knew it, says the Chicago Post. Consequently he decided to tease her.
 Daisy" he replied.
 Daisy was her sister.
 She thought it all over, and then she climbed up i'll his lap.
 "Papa," she said, "I wish you would ask me if love you or mamma best. '"
 "Very well, he returned. Do you love mamma or me best?''
 Revenge is sweet, but even so ten der hearted bit of humanity does not like to be too harsh.
 "You won't feel very, very bad if l tell you, will you?" she whispered.
 He promised that he wouldn't.
 Well, she said, "then I guess love mamma best"
 Yes, revenge is sweet.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
TO WOMEN FROM
Mrs. Joseph Peterson, Warren, PA.

"I have suffered with womb trouble over fifteen years. Ihad inflammation, enlargement, and displacement of the womb.
 "The doctor wanted me to take treat ments, but I had just begun taking
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
TRY ALIENS FOOT-EAsE.

A powder to be shaken into the shoes. At this season your feet feel swollen, nervous and hot, and get tired easily. If you have smarting feet or tight shoes, try Aliens FOot-Ease. It cools the feet and makes walking easy. Cures swollen and sweating feet, blisters and callous spots, Relieves corns and bunions of all pain and gives rest and comfort. Ten thousand testimonials of cures. Try it today. Sold by ali Drug gists and shoe stores for 25c. Sent by mail
 for 25c in stamps. Trial package FREE. Address, Allen s. Olmstead, Le Roy, N. Y.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
A Charitable Wish.

"Yes, she designs all her own dress hs
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Well Trained.

Old Lady (improving the occasion)- An, my poor man, you would not be in this position if you had received an early training in some trade or calling!
 Tramp-DOn't you tork too sudden about wot you don't know nothin about, missus No trainin, indeed Wy, was in prison afore wos l4l-London Fun
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
SHERMAN WAS KIND.
"A SOUTHERN POETS REcOLLECTIONS
 OF THE GENERAL.

Frank L. Stanton Recalls Some Incidents
 of the Closing Days of the war-Gen-
 eral Sherman's Goodness to the Elder
 Stanton, Who Was Very III In Savannah.
 Frank l.. Stanton, the popular Georgia
 poet, always speaks up for General Sher-
 man when he hears any severe criticism ot that famous commanders methods
 The story told by Stanton has never found its way into print, but it deserves place among the minor incidents and "reminiscences of the war period. "When Savannah fell, " said Stanton, l was little chap about 8 years old. The confusion and tumult in the streets frightened me, and was afraid to go very far from the house.
 Young as was, I understood that something very serious had occurred. Instead of seeing Confederate soldiers parading the streets with few Federal prisoners saw thousands of Federals Swarming through the town, and they had a great many Confederates under guard.
 ''The situation had been reversed. That was plain, even to child.
 ''My father was very ill, in the last stages of consumption, and my mother was worn out with anxiety and the cares of the household. Our neighbors were panic stricken, and everybody seemed to be expecting some awful ca lamity.
 "Penned up there as we had been for a long time, without supplies and with out any money except worthless Confed- crate currency, the outlook was gloomy enough. How was my sick father to get the things he needed? That was the problem with my mother.
 Somebody told General Sherman about my father and mentioned the fact that he was a kinsman of very distin- guished and powerful officer on the Un- ion side.
 "One day when I entered my fathers room found three Federal officers sit ting there ill pleasant conversation with the invalid and my mother.
 "I was scared and started to run, but one of the strangers, middle aged man with a roughly trimmed brown beard, called me back. He asked my name, and before l knew 1t had me on his knee, and he said so many nice things to me that l took quite fancy to him.
 ''He was General Sherman, and he had called with two of his staff officers to see my father. When the visitors left, the general told my mother at the | door that he knew all about the incon- veniences of a siege and insisted upon sending from the army stores something that would suit sick man.
 Under the circumstances such an offer could not be declined. It was picnic for tue children of the family, I | can tell you.
 After that. while the general was in the city, something was sent to the house every day. Brandy, wine, loaf | sugar, lemons, beef, chickens, coffee, | and don't know what else | came ill generous quantities. We had l plenty for the family and for our near |
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
BEWARE OF CONTINENTS FOR CA TARRH THAT CONTAIN MERCURY.

As mercury will surely destroy the sense of smell and completely derangethe whole system when entering it through the mucous surfaces Such articles should never be used except on prescriptions from reputable physicians, as the damage they will do is ten fold to the good you can possibly derive from them. Halls Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. $. Cheney x Co.,. To- ledO, O., contains no murcury, and is taken in- formally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. In buying Halls Cntarrh Cure be sure you get the genu- inc. It is taken internally, and made in Toledo Ohio, by F. J. Cheney * Co. Testimonials Free
 Sold by Druggists, price 75c. per bottle.
 Halls Family Pills are the best.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Bad Either Way.

Gladys-DOn't go, George! Don't leave me! Don't run the risk of losing your life and leaving me to mourn for you all the rest of my days. How can I endure the anxiety, knowing that you are in danger"'
 George darling, don't worry. It's all right. I'm going into the com missary department.
 Gladys-Oh, George! That's even wOrsel How can l eveT marry a cook :?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
His Only Fear.

'I want gentle horse for my wife to drive" said the prospective purchas- CT. "Can you recommend this one?'
 "Yes, indeedr' replied the owner; there is not a safer horse for lady to be found anywhere, and there is but one thing he's afraid of"
 And what is thatT asked the other.
 He Is awfully afraid some one will say whoa to him and he won't hear 1t, replied the conscientious owner.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
HOITT,S SCHnnI.

Hoitt's School at BurIingame, Cal, still maintains its position in the front ranks of the schools on the Pacific Coast. It has just closed the most successful year Tn Its history, and graduated ten young men. Nowhere are boys better taught or better cared for in every respect. $. F. Call, May 29.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
CAN OUR COAST BE EFFECTUALLY
 RLOCKADED9

IT confidence can be felt in the opinion of military and naval officers in high places at The seat Of government, such is the vast extent of our sea coast to blockade it effectually. even 1T our navy and sea coast defences could offer no adequate resistance, seems to be impossible. When blockade of the bowels exists, relieve constipation with HOstetter's Stomach Bitters, which conquers dyspepsia, malaria, rheuma- tism and kidney trouble
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Stranoe Chinese Law.

If a Chinaman dies while being tried for murder, the very fact of his dying is taken as evidence of his guilt. He has departed, but somebody must suffer, and his eldest son, if he has one, Is sent to prison for year. If he has no son, then his father or brother gets a fog ging. It's all in the family, and justice must be administered.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Now Comes an Automatic Doctor.

One of the most remarkable develop ments of the automatic machine Is a 'Dr. Cureall" in Holland. It Is wood en figure of a man, with compartments all over 1t labeled with the names of various ailments. If you have pain, find its corresponding location on the figure, drop a coin into the slot, and the proper pill or powder will come out
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
A Meteorite that Paid a Mortgage

An illustration of uses to which me teorites may be put before their real character is known Is afforded by those of Kiowa County, Kansas. They fell, says a writer in St. Nicholas. on a prai- rie where rocks were scarce and valu- able, and the farmers of the vicinity found meteorites convenient for hold ing down haystacks, stable roofs, or covers to rain barrels. For such pur- poses they might have been used for a long time had not the wife of one of the farmers become convinced that there was something unusual about them and called an expert to examine them. He at once recognized their nature, and the enterprising woman finally sold hers to seekers after curios and to sci enti1c schools for enough to pay off a heavy mortgage upon the farm.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
ONE ENJOYS

Both the method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys- tenn effectually, dispels colds, head aches and levers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of it's kind ever pro- duced, pleasing to the taste and ac- ceptable to the mach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known.
 Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50 cent bottles by all leading drug gists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will pro- cure it promptly for any one who wishes to try it. Do not accept any substitute.
 CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP co.
 SAE FRANCISCO. GAL.
 lomsvMLE. xY. NEW YORK RE
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

The facilities for inland transporta- tion are so limited in Brazil that the inhabitants of the ports find it cheaper to import grain from North America than from their own farms.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Honesty.

Watts-This is the most honest town, think. on the continent. The conductor missed me this morning, and everybody in the car looked as if they were angry because 1 did not pay.
 Potts-They were not angry because you hadn't paid, but because they had. Indianapolis Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
To Prove If
Tiegins s-Tublnv thav toll mo vou

N"gins -Jnbl"v, they tell ma you are lightning calculator.
 Jubiey what ] claim 10 be.
 JigSins tell me where the next Hash of lightning Is going 10 strike, will you?-G Galveston News.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

'HOW do you do, MISS Leslie? So awfully glad to see you again. So sor- ry you weren't at Lady Browns dance last night. There positively was not one pretty girl in the roomr'
 ''I am not Miss Leslie. But I was at Lady Browns dance last nightT-Lon- don Punch.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
After the Cnncert

Mir. Wellwood-How did you like Mime. Medley?
 Miss Highrocks-She was wretched.
 Mir. WellwOod-I'm astonished tu hear you say that. I thought she was in fine voice.
 Miss Highrocks-Oh, her voice may have been all right. but I'm sure the gown she wore never could have heef made in Paris. Leader.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Beginning Early.

'I have heard good deal about people who borrow trouble, but I think my wife is a champion in that line"
 Why, l thought she was always cheerful and cOntented with her lCt?"
 "She was until our baby was born, six weeks ago. Now she is worrying because he may marry some girl that we will not like"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Told the Truth Once.

Nuwed-According to you, I never told you a single truth before we were married.
 Mrs. Nuwed-Oh, George; you weren't quite so bad as all that. Don't you re- member you always used to say you were unworthy of me?-Life.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

It Is always considered a neat thing to say in an obituary notice of a man than he idolized his wife, and acknowI- edged that she was of the greatest as sistance to him.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Doubtful.

Scribbler-1 have written a new play and called 1t Cash"
 Hlbbler-I'm afraid you won't be able to produce lt.-Up To Date.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Too Lonesome for Them.

Tenant-You'H have to reduce the rent or get the authorities to assign a new policeman to our district.
 LandlOrd-What's the matter? I al- ways supposed 1t was a very quiet neighborhood.
 Tenant-It's quiet enough, but the po- liceman on that beat is a married man and we have to pay our girls extra high wages on that account to get them to stay.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Her Reservation.

She-YOu know, John, when we were married l placed my life entirely in your keeping.
 He-NO, dear, you are mistaken. You gave me no control whatever over your powers of speech.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
After the Wedding.

"Why did you say no the first time l asked you to be mine?'
 Il wanted to guard against the dan- ger of becoming the wife of man who had no perseverance"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO-
 INGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Joke1ets that Are Supposed
 to Have Been Recently Born-Sayings
 and Doings that Are Odd. Curious and
 LauRhabIe-The Weeks Humor.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
TactfuI,

An Arcadia lady the other evening had company who tarried beyond the usual bedtime of the young hopeful of the family; thereupon he remarked:
 Ma, let's go to bed; these folks want to go home. ."-Arcadia Qnd.) Arcadian.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Not Yet.

Il would like you to write me a pol icy" said the man who was about to depart for Cuba.
 "Not on your lifew exclaimed the in- surance agent. - Philadelphia North American.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

HAPoverty may not be pleasant, but we can, at least, make 1t respectable. She-Where?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
4 Side Swine

He-What an intelligent-looking girl that Miss Smartleigh is.
 She-Yes; but, for goodness sake, don't let her hear you. She really thinks she is pretty.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
GREEN BADGESOF COURAGE.
Sashes Worn by Army Surgeons and Their HiafOrv

Sashes Worn by Army Surgeons and Their History.
 A great many people do not know why army surgeons wear green sashes. It is not so much an insignia of rank as it is protection to the wearer. Accord ing to the code of war, surgeons are never shot or taken prisoners. To delib- wearing his sash is considered viola sion of the code, punishable by death.
 Because of this provision surgeons of one army never refuse to look after the wounded of the other army if it is possi- tll for tra. +o 3o SO N--ug tho civil war it was often the case that after d battle the field hospitals would ooa5.4.. almost an equal number of men dressed in blue and gray. The Federal army had the best surgeons and the best stores, and a wounded Confederate con- sidered himself in great luck if he was removed to Federal hospital to be cared for by Federal surgeons and phy- sicians.
 But in the heat of battle green sash is not much protection, and surgeons were often wounded or killed. But this did not keep the surgeons at the rear until the battle was over. They were often found in the thick of the fray, dressing wounds and sending the wound ed to the rear. Theirs was perilous as we'll as noble duty, and they perform ed 1t well. World-Herald.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
How She Guessed.

Maud-Don't you think these new pictures of me are lovely?
 Marie-They are, indeed. Who took them-De Camera?
 Maud-Yes. What made you think he took them?
 Marie-I see he Is advertising that he has the most skillful retoucher in town.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

Bergen. Norway, boasts a paper church large enough to seat 1000 per sons. The building is rendered water proof by solution of quicklime, cur dled milk and white of eggs.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Impudent Miux.

Aunt Abbie-Perhaps you would not believe that your uncle married me for my beauty?
 Saucy Niece-Oh, one can believe almost anything of poor, innocent Un- cle George. Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Cheap Irrigation.

The best and cheapest irrigating plant, from l to POO H. P. is the Hercules Gasoline Enging and Pumping Plant, built exclusively by the Hercules Gas Engine Works, 405 SanSOme Street, San Francisco, the largest builders in the west.
 Write for circulars and information concern ing their Special 215 H. P. Engine and Pumping Plant. Hundreds sold this year; just the plant for prompt, efficient and economical irrigating service. A plant of this kind may save your crOD.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16


 den. A gentleman travelling from Lon don to Hastings had occasion to leave the carriage at TUubrldge Wells. and took th" ordinary rrccGUtiCn of resarv- ing his seat with his umbrella and newspapers. While he was absent an other passenger seized his place and refused to vacate it until forcibly elect ed. As a result an action for damages was brought against the original own CT of the seat by the intruder, and a cOunterclaim for similar damages was entered by the other side as we'll. The Judgment delivered was one which will commend itself to ninety-nine out of every hundred travellers. The claim for damages for ejectment was dis missed and the counter claim allowed. For the future, therefore, the can tankerous individual who persists in disturbing the comfort and convent ence of travellers in the manner indi- cated will know how he stands, and that if the owner of the seat thinks fit to bundle him out neck and crop the latter will not only have the sympathy of the public but the law as we'll on his side. There can be no question what ever that the universal mode of retain ing a seat in a railway carriage Is a most reasonable and convenient one, and the thanks of the public are due to Judge Emden for his very clear and sensible interpretation of the law. Not the least important point in his judg- ment Is his assertion that the holder of a seat was entitled to use reasonable force to eject an intruder.-London Globe.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
The Mean Thing.

She-Yes, dearest, made this cake all alone.
 He-I can't believe that. Somebody must, at least, have helped you lift 1t out of the oven.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

When a woman is asked to guess the price of another woman's bargain, she always makes it twice as big as she really thinks, for the sake of courtesy.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Reversed.

My life was spoiled, lady" said the traveller, ''by my wife's cooking"
 Was it so very badT'
 No, lady; it was good. So good that my friends ate me out of house and home."-New York Evening Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

Several thousands acres of 'and on the borders of Tulare Lake are being seeded, it is said, to Egyptian corn, with prospects of good crop. Egyp- tion corn is a sorghum.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
No 1 OuIlf of If.

Writesum-I think I'll write a popu- lar song. The man who wrote "On the Wabash" made thousands.
 Kidder-Tired?-Up To Date.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
lie Understood.

Waite dn quest of tip)-Is every thing satisfactory, sir?
 Diner-Everything was until you Spoke.-Boston Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

"Hah, proud Hannah Hopkins, yer Scorn me now, but wait till l goes ter de war an kill CT tousan Spaniards an git made CT general or somethin, an den we'll see who's whor-New York Jour nol
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
She Was Moi to Re Canght,

Mir. Bigler-I see we're liable to have powder famine.
 Mrs. Bigler-Mercy, William, is that SO? I must run right over to the drug store and get half dozen boxes.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
ADprOVaI at Last,

Johnson has finally done something that all who know him will applaud" ," You don't say! What is It?'
 ''He has decided to move away"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
He Wasn't Very Nuch

Amy-IIe's all the world to her.
 Mamle-HOw limited her knowledge of geography is.-Up To Date.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

believe Piso's Cure is the only medi- cine that will cure consumption.-Ann NJ. Ross, Williamsport, Pa., Nov. 12, 95.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

EITC Permanently CureJ. No 1ts or nervous iIIS ness after first days use Of Dr. Kine's Great Nerve Restorer, Send for FREE S2 .O0 trial bottle and treatise. DR. R. H. KLINE, Ltd. 930 Arch St.. Philadelphia. Pa.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16

It sometimes happens that the bride is the best man at a wedding.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Retaining a Seat,


N ''''IE ''''II~ UT tIIe IredIest import was delivered recently by Judge Em- den. A gentleman travelling from Lon don to Hastings had occasion to leave tue carriage at Tuubrldge Wells. and
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-16
Moral, stop First and Think.

She-You say am the first girl you ever made love to, but your manner Indicates that you have had experience. He-Please explain how you know that.
 After he had gone she was almost tempted to jab herself with her hatpin.