The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1898-09-02
THE DIARY OF A GOD !
By BARRY PAIN.


several thunderstorms. 1t was
after the last of these, on cool Satur-
day evening, that he was found at the
top of the hill by a shepherd. His
speech was incoherent and discon-
nected; he gave his name correctly, but
rould or would add no account of him
self. He was wet through, and sat
there pulling sprig of neither to
pieces. The shepherd afterwards said
that he had great. difficulty in persuad-
ing him to come down, that he talked
much nonsense. In the path at the foot
of the hill he was recognized by some
people from the farmhouse where he
was lodging, and was taken back there.
They had, indeed, gone out to look for
him. He was subsequently removed
to an asylum, and died insane few
months later.
Two years afterward, when the
furniture of the farmhouse came to be
sold by auction, there was found in
little cupboard in the bedroom which
he had occupied an ordinary exercise
book. This was partly filled, in beau
tiful and very regular handwriting,
with what seems to have been some
thing in the nature of diary, and the
following are extracts from it:
June lit is absolutely essential to
be quiet. I am beginning life again,
and in quite different way, and on
quite a different scale, and l cannot
make the break suddenly. ] must
have o pause of few weeks in between
the two different lives. l saw the adj
vertisement of the lodgings in this
| farmhouse in an evening paper that
| somebody had left at the restaurant.
| Thatw whenI I was trying to make the
| change abruptly, and l may as well
| make note of what happened.
After attending the funeral (Which
seemed to me an act of hypocrisy, as
l hardly knew the man, but it was
expected of me), came back to my
Charlotte street rooms and had tea.
I slept we'll that night. Then next
morning I went to the office at the
| usual hour, in my best clothes and
with deep band still on my hat. !
went to Mr.. Toller's room and knocked.
He said: "Come in," and after had
entered:
"Can do anything for you9 What
do you wantT'
| Then l explained to him that l
| wished to leave at once. He said:
This seems sudden after 80 years
service"
"Yes," l replied. Il have served you
faithfully for 80 years, but things have
changed. and l have now 300 year OF
my own. will pay something in lieu
of notice, if you like, but cannot go
on being a clerk any more. hope, MT.
Toller, you will not think that speak
with any impertinence to yourself or
any immodesty, but am really IN the
position of private gentleman
He looked at me curiously, and as
he did not say anything l repeated;
II think I am in the position OF
private gentleman"
| In the end he let me go, and said
very politely he was sorry to lose me.
I said good-by to the ether clerks, even
to those who had sometimes laughed at
what they imagined to be my pecnliaFi-
ties. gave the better of the two office
boys small present in money.
| went back to the Charlotte street
rooms, but there was nothing to do
there. There were figures going on in
my head, and my fingers seemed to be
running up and down columns. had
stupid idea that should be in trouble
If Mr.. Toller were to come in and catch
me like that. went out and had
capital lunch, and then went to the
theater. l took stall right in the
front row, and sat there all by myself.
| Then had cab to the restaurant, ~
was too soon for dinner; so ordered
q whisky and soda ard smoked a few
cigarettes. The man at the table next
me left the evening paper in which l
saw the advertisement of these farm
house lodgings. l read the whole OF
the paper, but have forgotten 1t all
, ,except that advertisement, and could
say it by heart now-all about braeing
air and perfect quiet and the rest OF 1t.
For dinner I had bottle of cham
pagEe. The waiter handed me list
ana asked which l would prefer. 1
waved the list away hpd said:
"Give me the best"
He smiled. He kept on smiling all
through dinner until the end; then he
looked serious. He kept getting more
serious. Then he brought two other
men to look at me. They spoke to me,
out I did not want to talk. ! think
fell asleep. ! found myself In my
rooms in Charlotte street next morn
ing, and my landlady gave me notice
because, she said, had come home
beastly drunk. Then that advertise
ment flashed into my mind about the
! bracing air. / said:
81 should have given you notice in
any case; this is not a suitable place
for u gentleman"
June 81 am rather sorry that l
wrote down the above. 1t seems so
degrading. However, it was merely an
act of ignorance and carelessness on
my part; and, besides, / am writing
solely for myself. To myself I may
own freely that made mistake, that
| was not used TO the wine, and that
| had not fully gauged what the effects
would be. The incident is disgusting,
but | simply put it behind me and
think no more about II. pay here
two pounds ten shillings week for my
two rooms and board. I take my
meals, of course, by myself in the sit