The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-09-13
PASSING PIEAsANTRIES.

HE says his soldier hfe reminded
him constantly Of home and mother.
How was that?" ''rhey wouldn't let
him sheep late morningR Chicago Bv-
ening Post.
MasculIne.-"She has a masculine
mouth, don't you think?" Very. l
fancy she couldn't hold more than a
dozen pins in It to save her LIE. DE
troll Journal.
No Trouble-"What seems to be the
trouble with Wilson, doctor?" None
at all. None at all. / wish every pa
tient I have paid as promptly as VIII
Enquirer.
Shelf seems to me that all through
this war one party has been just as pa
triotic as the other. He-Thats all
right, Maria; but it's getting too near
lection time to admit anything IKE
that-Puck.
First Suburbanite- Thompson tells
some queer tales about this place. but
you can't believe anything he says.
Second Suburbanite-I should say not.
He says he had cook once stay long
enough to get malaria.-Puck.
The Anernatlve.-"su Suppose Spain
doesn't agree to our peace terms
Well, then Dewey, Schley and Miles VIII
have to lead other peace commissions
against the Spanish and convince
them. Philadelphia North American.
Sonny" said Uncle Eben, do yoh
bes' whah you is needed, an doan' waste
you life tryin' ter be sumpin what ma
ture dIdn' cut yoh out for. Rememhuh
dat de misfit man, like mlsft clothes,
allus comes cheap."-Washington Star.
Overheard in A. D. 191O.-"What a
uniform look Of disappointment there Is
on the faces of BIHson's youngest chill
dren." "Yes. Billson. you remember,
was one Of the volunteers OF 1898, who
didn't get chance to do any lighting.
cleveland Plain-Dealer.
The Widow-Im awfully afraid John
wasn't dead and we buried him alive.
Friend Of the FamIly-oh, you needn't
worry, Mrs. Greene. II he hadn't been
dead. he'd a laughed right out loud al
some OF the nice things that were sai6
Of him by the parson. Boston Trans
cript
Mr., Bioobumper tafter the return
from church)-Dr. Thirdly must take US
for fools, Mrs Bloobumper Feproach-
fully)-Oh, no, Harry. Mr.. BSoopump-
er-Well, you know word TO the wise
Is sufficient, and the doctor breaches for
almost an hour at stretch-HaNem
Life.
An officer In the army, seated at the
table-d'hote of an hotel, looking signlh-
cantly at a clergyman opposite, said:
ar had a son who was an IDIOT would
make him a clergyman" Evidently
your father was not Of that opinion,
quietly responded the clergyman.-Ttt-
Bits.
HIS specIalty.-oM NJ D.-"Are you
having. much practice?" Young NJ. D.
yes, quite a good deal, thank you"
Old 81. D.-"Ah, I'm glad to hear It.
Are you making speciality OF any par
ticular thing?" Young NJ. Dyes, In
deed. About nine-tenths of my time is
devoted to the practice OF economy
Chicago News.
Rejected Beneflts-"White folks" re-
marked Mr.. Erastus PinSleyi us queer
people. Long comes Booker WaSh'n-
ION teNln' de cullud folks dey doesn't
'precIate dab opportunities, He pet
ter tax ter de white folks bout slight
In; CHANGES" whats been happen
in'?'' inquired Miss Miami Brown. DE
people what was wuckln' to-day done
sent word ter one OF de neighborS warn
mi her ter keep her chickens FUN COM
in over in his yahd.
Star.
A Great Moral Lesson.-Flrst Young
Lady Qndlgnantly)-"Little boy, don't
YOU know It Is wrong for you to steal
those dear little blue-bird eggs? Don't
YOU know that each Of those dear little
eggs would be dear little blue-bird?,
Second Young Lady (more Indignantly
-"Yesl And don't you know that
suffed blue-birds are twenty-five cents
apiece now, and getting scarcer and
scarcer every year, you miserable little
Wretch!"-Puck.