Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1898-11-26

10y Csome of them care
fully madeJ, all sorts of humorously impos-
sible contrivanc-s or devices. that appear
t. be the product of unbalanced minds.
The men who send in these "burlesque" APP
pications. however, are not insane. They
are usually briefiess young patent attor-
neys. who. lacking serious and profitable
work to employ their Northumberland tai
entS. are sufficiently mindful of the mon-
otonOus lives of the patent examiners to
draw up these funny applications where
with To dmuse the corps of governmental
experts who pass upon the patentabiIity of
inventions. The young chaps who draw up
the "burlesque" applications never accom-
Iany the same with the regulation official
ices III sending them in, and they simply
gain their laudable aim of making a little
harmless fun in the patent office. One of
the more recent of these "burIesque" ap-
phea;ons covered claims for an attach
abie tan for stump-tailed dogs" The APP
pHcation was drawn up with extreme eIah-
Grafton ana accompanied by numerous
drdWIngS that must have cost the expend-
Hure OF considerable time and effort in the
making, II was plainly the work of a very
IDLE young attorney The specifications re-
cited the alleged difficulty which short
tth|d dogs experience in turning sharp
corners. and also dwelt feelingly upon the
IL
ed dogs regard their abbreviated caudaI an
pendases- especially when they come into
social contact with other dogs better pro-
FIHtd IN that respect. Then the specifica-
lions described the attachable tail at great
length. and the application wound I'D with
numerous serious and technically worded
claims tor the priority of the invention.
Even More Funny.
rms. OF course. is all fun. But many of
the bona tde applications for patents are
More genuinely funny than the bur
ieSGue applications. and some of the
Inventions upon which patents have actual
~ been issued are not a whit less amusing
n man need not be sane TO get a patent in
TINS country. If he submits to the patent
Once an invention that is paIentabIe. and
II Is authorltdtiVely stated by members of
the Older division of patent examiners thar
numerous patents have been issued to men
confined IN insane asyIums. one o. the
principal examiners has kept a list Of some
OF 'hr freak Inventions upon which PATENTS
nave been issued by the United States pat-
eht once duIuAS recent years. The sUeclfi-
cations emGUuIed in some of the aDrIica-
un19 make curious reading.
a patent was granted to a Chicago man
not Iuhs ago for an electric killing an
P"'dIL~- lhe conIrlVance is so devised
ihaj the uHSuspiciOuS hog STICKS his head
thFotSh an aperture in an electrically wired
tviIipoi tiLtLt, cIOseS circuit by butrinR
" t1eaH against a metal sheet. and win
MS head hImil held within the aperturr
bS Il drop apparatus. practically commute
involuntary suicide. This may look sill,
ana lnpTact able. but the invention is said
!" d now Ii Use IN numerous western pork
packing establishments.
Another man from the west recaptI,- an,
kt."H i"r a patent on electrical horse
ihr morse Is fashioned Of aluminium the
D'HN completely covered with the hide of :,
"'SS'iSt'l hpT>"- ana III every respect Tn.
animal l. made To- look AS natural az
NJ. even lo the point Of being fitted win
NOV dbi* eye balls. The horse is intended
u" run with tu- natural muyaInarfs nj .,
genuine. $uTe-,HpUSh live horse and ar
c"FclEs 10 the rdt-Itee is capable of max
IL " sped 81 nearly Il mie a minute lust
tI!'tFli'S. W he,A-r the patentee PURPOSES
entering ms electrical horse as d '.rinaer''
%" outlaw tracks Is not of c0iIrsa re
Fea-ed IL his Application for the patent.
\ Patent Tombstone.
several years ago queer genius in Nev
England got an application on a patent
temDstpIe-st metal affair involving nuna"-
Gus queer Kinks and designed to resist wind
anu weather for many thousands of years.
Ne b'ttthtee has died since the Issuance of
Ms patent ana II is said that one of his
patent commissioners adorns his own resting
P%te IN a small Massachusetts village
the metal. - 81
Her lies Wendell, an inventor By trade
AM rs !o"4 VIII see. is an Invention he made
Is strange 30 say. though IT'S most trpIr sot,
i'''t ~ inad II while living and enjoyed il whom
During the last Sioux uprising when # p.ae
AF"Ttd that the dancing Ogalallas would
Iil7hr a very extensive sorue from their
H!ht Ridge heddqJ arters 4 farmer IL,
h'rjh-ru Nebraska got oct a patent IN -
t"Hip4ned plough and cannon. Ii was H..
WIS., Tor uSv against the Indians Will.
pi"t ching IN hI~ f'eIIs The cr.,fr,. -. ~
tIflSt provided with one of these cGrtri,,-
SA'vS could. by simply turning his nlIIIsb
NiSl", N""A' load UP a small Uut effective
IT,, - " 'l,i win I" scare or to shoot nos
~ l''HdaS Ih- cannon was provided
win an ammunition box and All of tbe
.tI'1'.'lN Necessary for the pyopcr sery-
LtE 81 ihe piece, 1t is not thought likely
mat mis- inventor has ACQUIRED rirhes
h;tu-h his invention
To Worry Hens.
Another peculiar patent issued to 8, ,,-o.,,
erU farmer Is called 3. hen p,ehs- .. !, ;.
intended 10 prevent hens from scratcbi,p
and moEkeying around in garden ps,tcbo..
HECK Of peculiar construction are attached
IL The hens feet. so that when the hon
digs into The ground she is invoIuntar,I.
Plsh'd forward by the hook and snrins,
aPf"I a'uS- Just what occurs in case the
men happens 10 be headed for the garden
Patch Is not told by the patentee m his
application. but il is 10 be siInnosed ,ba,
the farmer employs a small boy to ken
the hens headed the right way by means Of
q prOdding pole -
Another patent that is devised for the
Pe"l-1erment of the abused hen is A ma tent
lel1 nest The thing was got up to nre-
vent Wedseis, dogs and such from railing
heHs nests and sucking the eggs. There
Is small hole. concealed by a natural
looking straw flap in the center and hot
tom OF the nest. and through this secret
orlilce ihe egg. as soon as the hen Laws II
Is cropped TO padded cell below. The
pdtthtee Goes not of course dwell upon
the cons formation, not to say the in6ip,a-
ton, OF the ordinary hen. when she turns
around after her effort, and finds her egg
missing from the nest
machine called the mechanical bousa
maid was patented few years ago. The
apparatus churns butter. washes ana irons
clothes. rocks the baby. and. in fact per
forms almost all the rest of the house hold
tasks except plain and fancy automatic
>. wing The patentee. in his specifications
describes the operation OF Tie machine al
n eat length. You place your baby in the
cradle, he says. in effect; your cream in
the ehurn. your clothes to be washed in
the receptacle provided therefor, ETC." and
the rest Is the merest turning of Il magical
crank
He must have been a very Ianguid man