The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1898-05-10

T1WN
Actual Wa Came and Cooled the Ma
iors Ardor-T Terrible Guns Now Used
Has a Bad Ffect Upon Would Be Vol
unteers Some Political Pointers
B-"Hellol Mr.. Editor"
R-"Hellol Major. Have you joined
the army yetF"
B-"No. I'm sorter waitin' fer
things ter subslde, az it were. The
thing cum on me too student. When
they begun ter talk ter me erbout
patriotism an defendin' my Country's
honor. I got purity badly riled an l
couldn't sleep fer wsntin' ter teSpan-
iards. Betsy sed I'd flicker when the
time came, but I knowed in my mind
that she didn't know Whut she wuz
talkin' erbout But when Congress got
ter passin' war bills an the President
began ter call fer 125. 600 volunteers it
sorter struck me the it would be a
guide time ter stay at home an tend
my crop an epj1y the campane. /
thought / would volunteer, maybe,
until / read so many things erbOuT the
big guns they use in the forts an on
the ba~ttleships, I seed WhRr they eed
the rifles used would shoot through "a
inches of solid Caasoned oak wood at a
distancs ov q hundred yards. That
made cold chills run up an down my
backbone. I'd rather run fer Kongress
on q fusion ticket than ter face an
enemy with guns like that. Then Sam
Henderson wez over at my house the
other day an got ter talkin' erbout
Whut they could do with them big
guns. He sed the United States has g
number ov canon that will shoot ht
teen miles, then the shell rolls six
miles an busss an it rams rcoks an
grape shot fer thru days. Now il the
Spsnards hev any sich guns az that,
an I reckon they hev, me an Kurnell
DR.. Kingsbury will make ourselves
scarce in this war. We amt near az
mad at the Spanish az we thought we
were before war Wuz declared. But
Dewey don't seem ter be afraid ov 'em.
The way he walked inter them fellers
over at Manila the other day wuz q
site ter behold. II the American navy
keeps sinkin' Spanish ships the other
nations will interfere ter keep us frum
film the bottom ov the ocean with old
iron so they can't run steamers an
things anymore. I want the war ter
be finished az g1on az possible so we
kin hev sun fun perliticslly. Politicks
an circuse3 are erbout the only real
big things we hev nowadays. I'm in
favor ov fusion myself. I want Sina-
tor Butler ter bring the Pops over an
help US recruit the Demokrat party so
it kin hev q show. / don't know whut
I'm fer exactly. The dymakrat party
Wuz fer gold four yeags ago, aWlso fer
monopoly. Mr.. Cleveland and hiz
Kongress killed silver too dead ter
skin. 1 wuz a goldbug then. Now
sum ov my party are howlin' fer silver
like coyotes an Pm doin' my
best ter keep up with the per
Cession. But they ring in too many
changes fer q slow mover like my
self. I don't reckon my party
would pass a silver bill even if the
Pops would join in and help US to pow
er. We have always found some sort
Ov a tecknikality ter ring in ter keep
frum passin' a free coinage bill, an
our hand hain't lost its cunnin'. But
we'd e~verlastingly kill the Populist
party, an / reckon that liz whut we
are after. Betsy she laf5 erbout it an
says the politicians amt goin' ter be
able ter fool the people with the game
now on foot. She says it would be q
curious perlitical millennium with the
free silver Pops q layin' down with the
goldbug, monopoly-lovin' ballot box
suffers an convention manipuIatoTs.
It would be q site fer gods an men.
But / amt carin' how it looks, nor how
it turns out jist 20 we kin manage ter
fool the Pops an git them ter chasin'
the free silver JACKIE lantern, leavin'
aWl their other great platform planks
ter lie in the mud ov perlitical decep.
tion ter rot. Wall street would give q
million dollars cash ter see the Popu-
lists play the fool by going inter that
scheme. Gudebye."