Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1898-03-26
!F IT IWERE ONLY SO

newspaper men always seem to me to
be such entrancingiy mysterious things,
you Know. said the beautiful Washington
maiden to one Of 'em. II never get
through wondering just how they do-how
they find out these queer things that we
read in the papers, you know. Now. sup
pose you just walk around. and when you
see anything or hear something, you just
write 1t down and have it printed in your
rapei-isn't that the way it's done?'
Precisely. None of us have any boss,
top man. head knocker. OF anything like
that, of course. Do just as we please, all
of us. Never get any instructions from
anybody. When We want to write we just
write, and what we write goes. We don't
Fay any attention at all. you XII ow, to the
ecftor. the managing editor. the city editor
and all the rest of that crew. Just do any
thing We like. write anything we like, roast
al ybody we like Tor don't like, rather), and
have deuce Of good time all around.
NOW, I'm reporter, you see. Well, here's
ABOUT an average day for me:
i get up about IL o'clock in the fore
noon. after having taken chocolate AMI
roll In bed, and put myself in the hands
of me man. Me man finishes shaving Inc
and fixing me up within an hour and by
noon, after critically surveying me all over,
ne turns me loose the thing of beauty that
you see before you. On my way down
town. always walk for the sake of the
81 mptuously attired ladies who can't re-
sist the temptation to stop their carriages
when they see me, in order to find out
what's really taking place in the upper
ST. alta. Before going on down to the office
| usually drop in for minute or upon
MI Mckinley, who generously refr.lins
from embarrassing me by commenting at
too great length upon how much he liked
my stuff in yesterdays paper. l nod
heughtily to the managing editor as
pass into my suite of orientally furnished
offices, and spend ten minutes or so in
sorting over the pile of scented, violet
hued notes that always await my atten-
ten. By this time there's usually word in
the office that an atrocious murder has
leen committed somewhere over in the
Umptheast. l stroll over to the scene of
tie crime-stopping at my florists for a
fl esh boutonniere on the way-and get the
facts. Then l return to the Office in a
brougham, sent after me by the managing
editor and dictate what I've ascertaIned
about the murder to 3O0-words-a-minute
shorthand man. If the murder hasn't been
quite bad enough to suit my sanguinary
tastes, l touch it up whole lot and make
1t look pretty bad for all hands mixed up
In 1t. Then smoke couple of Persian
cigarettes in the seclusion of my olive
ahd-gold office. tossing off a leading edi-
torial or so upon the Cuban question or
Hawaiian annexation as l smoke, just 20
keep from being bored.
My trap is at the door of the office by
this time. and step into it and permit my
self to be whirled up to the Capitol. move
around among the legislators for an hour
or SO, warding off their eager inquiries as
to what's going on at the executive man.
sion as best l can. l treat them ali i'm
partially, SO as not to excite jealosy among
them. After a half-hour sieSta, during
which l recline on a morocco leather couch
In one of the Senates committee rooms, 1
an fooled back to the Office, where l find
the managing editor somewhat wrought up
because all of the reporters have declined
to go to a big fire a few blocks away be-
cause It's raining. To save the managing
editor and the city editor both from losing
their jobs volunteer to go and cover the
fire, and they overwhelm me with their
grateful thanks. Then l rest my mind by
writing a few brilliant short editorial par
agraphs. If there's big criminal trial in
progress, / take a run over to the court
house to see that the judge is conducting
the case that the man the paper wants
convicted shall be convicted. On leaving
the court house. feeling the need of a bit
of recreation. I USUALLY hail a cab and at
teas given by legation ladies or cabinet
ministers daughters I have to be on my
mettle on these occasions. for all of the la
dies depend upon me for the latest esoteric
information on literature, art and good
form. By this time l am somewhat wea-
ried; so I generally telephone to the editor
that I'll not fetura te~the Office, and in
mounted messenger If anything big hap
pens-addressfig: me, ofscourse at the Elite
Club. whereI have<me chambers.
Then I eoH3ss daIsH here and make my
"Why. how p9ffectly; s6itanically heaven
ly!' exclaimed the beautiful maiden. And
how deep you mist have to be!'