Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-03-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

"Can you tell me how [ can get
some work, sir?" The Citizen (crusti-
Yves; buy bicycle and try to
keep it clean"
Ethel-"Who was that man?" PEN
elope-''That was Dobson, the great
composer. He manufactures soothing
syrup. London Tit-Bits.
Hewett-''It's terrible to have peo-
pie doubt your word" Jewett-
Especially when you know yourself
that you are lying. standard.
Teacher-"If you don't study your
lessons you might as we'll not come to
school at ALL" Pupil--sMe mother
wouldn't let me do that. Puck.
Wife (enthusiastically)--"H much
do you think we took in at the bazaar?"
Husband (quietly)-"How many, you
mean. Adams Mass Freeman.
she-"Did papa bring you to the
Stock Exchange?" His Lordship-
eyes. It's very nice, to be sure, but
[ think I prefer Monte Carlo. Puck.
Flint see where Boston is going
to spend over $1,000,00O on these
pneumatic tubes" Flam--''That
lot of money to blow in. ."--Standard.
First Salesman" What shall I do?
She says she don't want any cheap
limitations. Second Salesman
''Show her an expensive imitation" -
Puck.
Bobby-"If God sends babies round,
why didn't mamma pick out prettier
one?" Paul-"Cause L s'pose she
knew beggars shouldn't be choosers."
Judge.
Jack-"How jaded and plain Miss
Plankington has become lately"
Tom-"Yes; that last railroad deal of
her fathers left him practically pen
niless, ,"-Cleveland Leader.
A little boy was fishing, and, draw
ing in his line, found that the bait had
been taken off without result; where
upon he burst into tears and said: "It's
cheating. ."-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Mrs. White-"Does your daughter
speak French fluently now?" Mrs.
Brown-''Well, she speaks something
auently, and it doesn't sound at all
like English, so perhaps it may be
French. ."-Somerville journal.
Mrs. Roberts-"You seem to be in
, deep study, John" Mr.. Roberts
whose daughter is taking her music
.esson in adjoining room) ct am, my
lear, I was wondering if the inventor
Of the piano died natural death. -
Puck.
Jinks-"I met Brobson as [ en-
.ered-fnancially embarrassed, isn't
he?" Filkins-''No; the embarrass-
ment was all on my part. He wanted
to borrow thousand and 1 was at my
wits end thinking up good excuse" T."
Puck.
Kate--''Ho seems extremely de.
voted. He talks of going to the
Klondiko for my sake. " Beatrice
swell, that would give you two
chances. He might come back with a
fortune or he might not come back at
all. Puck.
"Did you know, my little boy"
asked the solemn old gentleman,
''that bee can fly faster than
pigeon?" 'T didn't know it before"
said the little boy, "but [ know he
Gan set down heap harder. Gin
cinnati Enquirer
"What We propose to do away
WITH" said the reformer, lis the
practice of allowing corporations to
get valuable franchises for nothing"
81 didn't know they ever did," said
the civic statesman in astonishment.
Indianapolis Journal.
Client-"You say that when buy
on margin, and the stock depreciates,
am to put up more margin. But in
case it goes up, what happens in that
case?" Broker-"That' matter that
needn't trouble you; it won't happen.
Boston Transcript.
The Tragedian lin the Klondike)-
"Why is there so much snee2ing in
the audience?" The Super-"It's the
dust, sir. An usher has just turned
down two seats that were occupied
last night by those Klondike miners"
cleveland Plain Dealer.
ely" he cried, "with me-" The
po9loI Sil contemplated uiul calmly.
"Well, L certainly won't run, L tell
you those, she replied. In point OF
fact, the brand of ink of which she
was constructed was ample guarantee
of that. Detroit journal.
Mrs. Brown--So Mrs. Jones is near.
ly dead from insomnia? What is the
cause of it?" Mrs. Smith Indignant
ly)--"Why, her hush and is the cause
of it. He talks in his sleep, you know,
and she has to lie awake all night to
find out what he is saying, poor thing. ="
Judge.
Family Friend-"I congratulate
you, my dear sir, on the marriage of
your daughter. see you are gradu.
ally getting all the girls off your
hands" Old Olivebranch-"Of my
hands, yesl But the worst of it is, ]
have to keep their husbands on their