Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1898-06-11
REMARKABLE. INVENTIONS

WARS and rumors of war; are stimulat-
ing the brains Of the country nowadays to
produce something calculated to annihilate
innumerable Spaniards. Every conceivable
idea and design bearing on Notifications,
their armament high explosives, shells and
projsctiles are pouring in daily.
Most Of the inventive geniuses state that
they themselves are without the necessary
funds for experimenting with and prosecut-
ing their Inventions and therefore are anx-
ious that the government should examine
their designs and appropriate money for
| their Investigations. Uncle Sam, however,
does not generally fall in with these sug
gestions, which Is not surprising when one
knows few of them.
One man conceived the brilliant idea of
firing from huge cannon an immense pair
of shears, which, as they went msrrily
along their way, should cut in two whole
regiments of the unhappy enemy. But the
board of ordnance and fertilization feared
this might interfere too seriously with the
comfort OF the enemy, especially at meal
times, so this inventor was duly informed
that his idea did not seem practicable and
could not, therefore, be tested at the gov
ernment's expense with view to it's future
adoption for use in the army Another al
most as startling scheme met the same
cruel fate-it was called the electrical
sword In this the scientific execu-
toner was to wear, concealed in his ear,
any other convenient little spot about his
anatomy, powerful battery. Then, when
this modern soldier with his advanced fin
de-Siecle munition of war, crosses swords
with his Observation-Disclosures latter
receives a shock. The enemy disappears in
a blaze of lightning and glory, leaving only
a chdrred mass behind. But why, since an
electric circuit is supposed to have been es-
tablished by the crossing of swords, his op-
ponent should cheerfully ride off unscathed
With triumphant smile on his counten-
the inventor POSSihIy
some Of the New York newspapers might;
for, having got wind of this wonderful in
vention, they took it very seriously, and
peStered the department with frequent in
qulries as to how the invention of ''the
electrical sword was progressing. 1t re-
minds one Of a little joke during the Next
can war. when the government had invited
suggestions as to the best method of arm
ing regiment of lancers. John Phenix,
with temerity which nearly cost him a
court-martial, sent plan and drawings for
furnishing each trooper with long lance
ending in a hook the which, it was sug-
enemy's belt, preparatory to placing him on
the ground and there dispatching him. In
cidentally the hook would be of service in
retaining deserters.
But thu War Department Is not alone
honored with these brilliant schemes the
patent office comes in for its share, and re-
Gently was called upon to protect the nota-
bic discovery of a western minister It con-
sisted in shell, which at one fell swoop
should remove Sagasta, Cervera, his fleet,
Spain and any stray dOns who might be
lingering around, looking on, at Porto Rico
or the Philippines. And 1.-The special virtue
Of this SHE'LL 1t was stated, LAY not alone
In It's extraordinary destructive power, but
also i'll the fact that 1t saved the souls of
those whose bodies 1t destroyed"
Considering that it's object was to destroy
Spaniards this was certainly most kindly
and needful precaution-worthy of the in
Ventors Christian calling.