The record-union., 1898-04-10

first.
So the last nights were announced,
ano the first theatrical speculation of
the new low comedian, Mr. Timothy
Cuts, Jr., came. to an end
There was only one thing the family
regretted
His Royal Highness the Prince Of
Wales had in some unaccountable man
ner failed to honor the performance
with his distinguished patronage
The vacation gave the Cults family
time to consider the future calmly.
Mr.. Cults, Sr., found that his first
speculation on his sons behalf had
cost him nearly f3,009
1t was just little experience. and
being after all a sound business man,
when he looked at the figures he
thought perhaps it would be as we'll TO
go to work next time on more econ
omical principles.
So it was decided that for the pres
ent. at any rate. Timothy should try
and act without having to pay the rest
of the company and rent the theater
Cults, Jr., himself had a still more
sensible proposition to make Lock
here. guv nor" he said. Il think I'll
play with some amateurs for a bit and
ger my name up that way first. You
see. I'd never played in London at all
before
Mr. Cults gladly consented to this
proposition His son was much less
expense as an amateur than as q pro-
fessional. The only drawback was that
amateurs are not invited to dine at
Marlborough House.
Il H., TO hi f~Y1
radiant He had an offer from some
amateurs to go down with them 10 an
institution and play. Some of the
Princesses We're going to be present.
Where is it p" said his father. II
Will come, too, and SO will your
mother
It's at private lunatic asylum,
governor. We're going TO play 70 the
lunatics.'
MINI" said his father. You must
get us seats as far from the patients
as possihlee'
The performance at - Hail Asylum
was a great success One of the Prin-
cesses and her husband were present.
and the lunatics shrieked at the antics
of Timothy Cults.
That is, all Of the lunatics did except
one, who sat Immediately behind Mr..
Cults, Sr.
He conceived an intense antipathy to
Timothy. He expressed an opinion
that Timothy was insulting him, and
he announced his intention of having
Timothy's life in such loud tones that
Mr.. Cults burst into a cold perspira-
ton, and the medical officer kindly had
the Objectionable patient removed from
the auditorium.
But as he went he looked at his pro-
gramme. Timothy Cutts!" he ex-
claimed. That's your name. is it?
All right, Timothy Cults! I'll settle
with you one day, my boyi"
After the performance was over the
doctor explained that the poor gentle
man, who was an eminent man of let
ters, was only temporarily insane. He
has periodical fits of homicidal mania,'
said the doctor, but he gets all right
and is sent home to his friends
Mr. Cults, the low comedian, groaned.
He hoped that the homicidal maniac
would speedily forget the name he was
trying to make famous.
When Timothy took to the stage
again it was as a member of farcical
gun to see that acting. like everything
else, requires an apprenticeship. He
played small parts in the provinces, and
this disgusted his parent, who felt that
he had flung 1900 into the gutter.
Sweets We're considerably more profit
able. He began, to calculate how many
hundredweight of cough candy and
cocoanut cream had gone in that un-
fortunate theatrical speculation.
But Timothy himself was not down
cast He was still determined to be
low comedian. and give Toole and Pen
ley fits.
After year in the provinces he came
back to London and obtained an en-
gagement for a small low comedy part
at a West End house.
When the company was rehearsing
for the last time one of the actors call
ed Timothy on one side.
II say, old chap" he said, did you
ever know a man named Illson?"
Timothy started.
DO you mean the novelist?" he said
Yes 1 met him hanging about the
stage door this morning. He says an
actor named Cults insulted him.
Good gracioUs," groaned Timothy,
1 played at the lunatic asylum he was
at"
That's the man. He's been out some
weeks. but don't think it's safe. He
seems very queer. He seems to be
very bitter against YOU"
Timothy went on with the rehearsal,
but he forgot his lines; the manager
swore at him, and that made him
worse.
The first night right in the middle
of the play, he broke down. He sud
denly caught sight of the homicidal
maniac glaring at him from a private
box
Timothys head reeled and his knees
trembled. The place swami round with
him. He expected that every minute
Mr. Illson would pull a pistol from his
breast and shoot him.
He spoiled the play. 1t was a failure
After the curtain was down the mana
gers language was terrible The au-
thor called him confounded amateur,
and demanded his instant Dismissal
The manager gave it him on the spot,
and Tim went home broke1hearted.
He told his father and mother They
fell on his neck and wept. and be-
sought him not TO risk his life again.
THAT man will kill you, Tim groan-
ed his father. Il remember what he
said at the asylum"
"Oh, Tim" moaned his mother. don't
risk your precious lifei How can you
dine with the Prince of Wales if you
are in your grave?"
Tim said he'd think about it, 2nd
he did. Visions of that homicidal man
lac pursuing him from theater to thea
to,. % tolx hic e hnt 4. IL