The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1898-02-22
He DREAMED THAT HE WENT TO HELL
EXPERIENCE OF A TEXAS LIAR
He Told the Devil Very Funny
Story-Satan Laughed Until the
Nickel Plating on His Tail Cracked
and Fell on

StOry-Satan Laughed Until tn
Nickel Plating on His Tail Crackc,
, and Fell OF.
I Frank Brady in Kansas City Times.
Tales whose scenes are laid in froze
north, which abound ia descriptions O
ice gorges and snow storms, are re
llshed best when read under the arden
conditions imposed by the dog days
and by parity Of reasoning the mine
should entertain most agreeably in
midwinter narratives which recoun
the actions of human beings performe,
under the torrid influence OF a super
heated climate. This reflection ha,
Caused me To think that perhaps tn,
winter solstice is the accepted time tt
tell about Tom Goggan's dream o.
hell.
Burly and big and tall, was Tom
Goggan. His 225 pounds of flesh were
not distributed over his bones so as tt
make lines and curves and proportions
like those accredited to Apollo Bel.
videre. His legs were built up like
tree boxes, and his body round and
compact, bulged at the middle like a
cotton bale with the center tie ripped
OIL Tom insisted that his hair was a
beautiful auburn" but If it was a
woodpre's topknot is your true Titi-
anesque tint for angels tresses. Tom
had face like the full moon, hued as
Is the Holsters when the water around
it boils in the pot, and his blue green
ish eyes twinkled when he talked in q
merry way that spread the contagion
Oh good humor all around him. Cog
gan possessed high-keycd voice I'D a
pronunciation ofthe Eng lish language
which would cover with confusion
and shame any dialect v tier, no ma
ter how well equipped, who would
attempt to successfully translate it into
print. He was SO utterly grotesque
that he was fascinating.
The most inartistic looking human
being to be met with outside museum.
he had yet made u big fortune out OF
art He had grown rich selling liddles,
pianos, autoharpS, mandolinS and
other musical instruments. He was an
alderman, deacon in the church, a
yachtsman, and accounted himself the
most successful drummer that ever
survived the perils of the railroad
sandwich or bullied sleeping car
porter.
Toms Central Musical Emporium"
as he was proud of calling it, was in
Galveston, and his travelling statesmen
operated all over the southwest. But
he reserved as his special field the
city of Houston, fifty miles north OF
Galveston, which he exclaimed "need.
ed careful nursing on account OF It's
business j:alosy OF Lalitte's old town
on the gulf"
In the swcltering July Of 49, four Of
us, as Toms guests, had liSned and
perspircd with him all day long navl-
eating the hooks and ingles of the
West Bay on board his yacht, which
he had chrstened by the poetic cXplc-
tive, Carrainbo.' The three sailors
composed the crew had caught all the
fish we needed for display purposes.
The sun was going down behind Bolivar
Point. There was not Il pint of wind
to make Il wrinkle In the sails. 7 he
intense heat that had been stcwing us
all afternoon gave no signs OF lcttln
up. Worst OF all, the supply ,f b r
had given out, and there we lolieu
upon the blstered deck with not
but plain ice water to cool our fevercd
lips, looking across the ten miles of
watery eXpanse lo"ard the spirod city
that was filled with refreshments Of all
kinds and tasting the tOrturcS of Tan
talus.
Three Of Us related cold weather sto-
ries and Col. Nick Weeks, long
legged banker with scraggy black
beard, sang "a song about a barkeeper
in the Rockies who woke up one Christ
mas morning and found his barrel of
whisky frozen hard as brick, no
matches in the house and his tirewOod
stolen. The song recited how his
customers came around, with axes,
chopped up their whisky and enjoyed
it in solid form.
Boys, boys" said Tom Goggan,
knocking the ashes out OF his pipe,
when he was called on to contribute
his share TO the entertainment, 81 will
tell you something. III tell you my
dream, if only to keep Nick Weeks
from running oil the fish in tie bay
ashore with another Of his heathenish
songs:
Zone night, while in Houston last
fall, | went out with the boys. start
ed out with the Bohemian club. We
met the Left-handed Fishing club.
| The Bohemians took several with me
took the same number with the Bo-
hemians. The Left handlers treated
the Bohemian club, the latter recipro.
Gated. set 'em up for both. This in
terchange OF hospitalities went on for
| three hours. | went " the hotel about
III o'clock, threw myself across the bed,
with the window open, and fell asleep.
| i'm 'diately dreamed | died. cd
with Is three cOrnered jag on.
I" / was shot aw..y from earth like a
man on q tOboggAn Fast as | slid
kept thinking. | thought: There
now, Tom Goggan, you're dead The
Lord will never have any mercy on
you after your carrying-on this night
with those Fishhanded Bohemians anC
those ClubGshed other fellow Yol
see ] was confused in me mind and go
things mixed
In almost the twinkling Of an eye
the sled Oh which | seemed to be tic(
went 'kerswash' up againsta a big meta
gate, and before | had time TO yel
change cars" a voice came from be
hind the gate, saying loud as thunder
Tom, you're q wicked man. Go to tit
devil y
"Then the vehicle [ was attached t,
whirled around and shot down, down
down, until my brain reeled with tn
fast motion. But thought taste
than | travelled. My conscience
pricked me like nettlcs. | had bae
. brought up to have strict notions abou
, the hot end o, cl.atiOn, and my nos
trils were all eady filed with the smel
, VI sulpher. | could feel the skin com
off the ms dc OF my throat from tn
t melted lead and birthstone that tn
, devil ladled into it. | could see mysel
1 lighting my pipe with the tip of IN
, own finger