The herald., 1898-02-08
ALIENS WIT
"Prfvate John" Convulses
the House
THAT DlNGLEYAN PROSPERITY
Is OF A DISTINCTLY SPOTTED
BRAND
THAT DINGLEYAN PROSPERITY
The Statesman From Tupelo Holds the
Administrators Policy
UP to Ridicule

WASHINGTON, Feb. g. Especial
Correspondence to the Herald.) Private
John Allen Of Mississippi, the states
man from Tupelo, has been delighting
the house with interesting frequency
during the present session. He has
been in congress for thirteen years.
and every time he has made a speech
it has been humorous speech and has
scattered laughter clear across the floor
and way up in the galleries.
Private Aliens record distinctly con-
tradicts the general belief that humor
is short-lived and inconsistent with con-
tinuing greatness. Proctor Knott made
one humorous speech in congress and
dropped out Of public life. Nearly all
political humorists have found that this
habit Of pleasing for the moment is
fatal to longlived success. But the
sage of Tupelo has led the pace for thir-
teen years in congress, and not only
holds his own, but grows in attractive
ness as a star orator. His humor, too,
like Hamiet's madness, has method in
it. His last effort was upon the dullest
subject that has been before the house:
The District of Columbia appropriation
bill. The speech, In the midst of its
humor, contained many stiletto-lfke
thrusts at the Republican policy of ex-
travagance and the Mckinley brand Of
prosperity. Having in mind the pain
fully numerous explanations which
Chairman Dingley the father of the
Dingley bill, has made upon the why's
and wherefores Of the insufficient reve-
nues produced by his bill, Private John
said:
HARD ON DINGLEY
$50 far as am concerned, Mr.. Chair
man, l am tired of forcing Mr. Dingley
up here on every appropriation bill to
explain the reasons why the Dingley
bill has not met the expectations of the
country. Mr.. Dingley is not a. strong
man physically, and I fear this thing
is wearing on him. He makes an expla-
nation every day. Uaughter.) He
makes more sorts of explanations-more
inconsistent and Illogical explanations
than 1 ever heard, and it seems to me
some Of the most absurd explanations
1 ever listened to; but he does 1t with
just as serious and solemn a cast of
countenance as Jew clothing merchant
explains to me how he is able to sell
me clothing at a great deal less than 1t
cost. Naughter.) think the country
| knows what the conditions are. do not
think 1t is necessary to be rubbing this
thing in on Mr.. Dingley every day.
1 am UP here to protest against it and
try to stop 1t.
A SPOTTED BRAND
"But we are having a great many diff
ferent sorts of explanations, and great
many gentlemen are rising up here and
bearing testimony to the fact that in
some particular prosperity is headed
that way. Now. want to tell you
about my objection to your brand Of
prosperity. 1t is too spotted. (Laugh-
ter.) If it comes at all, it comes too
much in patches-a sort Of piebald af-
fair. I thought when you were talking
to us about the prosperity that this Nc
Kinley administration and this Dingley
bill were going to bring to the country,
that it would be all-pervading, patriotic,
non-sectional prosperity; that 1t was to
be as broad as the beautiful speeches
made by Brother Dingley.
II do not know that l would 60 into
a discussion of the conditions in nv
own particular locality If so many others
had not set the example of talking about
their districts. The gentleman from Illi-
nois (Mr Hopkins), the sage of Aurora,
has just been telling us about the pros
perity OF Aurora. will inform him that
have recently been down in Tupslo
Qaughter), and also assure him that.
unlike his town, when Tupelo is mem
toned no one has to ask where it is.
(Laughter) I have consulted the great
business and industrial interests of
Tupelo Qaughter) and surrounding
country, and will tell you that if pros
perity is headed that way they have not
found 1t down there. Times are hard.
money scarce, prices low and business
dull.
Now, I am of pessimistic DISPOSE
tion. will not stop now to tell of the
great depreciation of our great staple
product-cotton. I have heard you gen.
tlemen here talk about newspaper re-
ports of prosperity, but must confess
that I have the first business man to
talk to. either in Tupelo or Washington,
or anywhere else, who tells me that his
business is much improved, while most
Of them tell me it is distressingly bad
INEFFECTUAL PROSPERITY
II speak for my own country and my
own section, and I must say that the
prosperity that you have told me so
much about reminds me of story. It is
not new story. do not put it on you
as new one, or one you have not all
heard; but I just give it to you on ac-
count of its applicability. 1t is the story
of the old darkey who caught the pos
sum, dressed him well and put him in the
oven to bake, and surrounded him with
potatoes, and then lay down to sleep
while he baked. About the time the
'possum was done, another slick little
darkey slipped in and stole his pos
sum and ate it all up. Then he took the
bones, put them down in front Of the old
man, creased his lips with 'possum
grease, and put possum grease over his
fingers. When the old man woke UP he
looked and saw his 'possum gone. He
saw the bones lying in front of him; he
saw 'possum grease on his fingers, and
he tasted 'possum grease on his lips. and
he said "Well, can it be possible dat
eat dat 'possum while was asleep? 1t