The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1898-02-02
ENGAGEMENTS OF MARRIAGE.
They Should be Definite and Brief,
not Conditional and Protracted.
Ne,p YORK. S,tn.

This letter propounds question OF
grave Importance to society, and in
yites discussion which should be OF
general interest
';To tie Editor Of the Sun-Sir
Whati is fathers duty for the hap
piness and welfare Of his daughter un-
der the following conditions? After
a four years courtship gentleman
says that his finances are not sufi
eient for hin to marry at present but
that he will continue his attention
and when the future develops his re-
sources so that he can support wife
he will chen marry the daughter. OF
course, this is understood between
them; and it is further agreed that if
meantime either prefers another, the
engagement is off, and he or she can
marry the one of his choice Such
a fatuous contract is suggestive. The
dim future is dark with uncertainty
as applicable to the conditions. Hence
the question.
ssIn q recent editorial you strike the
keynote Of my question in saying
The superiority of the tumultuous
youthful passion and impulse Of the
daughters to the experience and judg-
ment of the parents wrecks the happi-
ness of too many homes.
PATERFAMILIAs.
In the first place, neither girl her
self nor her parents should tolerate a
four-years' engagement, except under
very extraordinary circumstances. 1t
is injurious to the girl in many ways
and serves no desirable purpose. The
prolonged acquaintance does not tend
to che better preparation Of the pair
for marriage, but rather t. produce
WEAKNESS in one or the other, which
decreases the probabilities Of eventual
marriage as the time is extended. 1t
is an unnatural relation. As a rule,
no man ought to Ncourt' girl until
he is in situation to marry her he
has no right to ask her to become his
wife unless he is already in condi-
tion to assume the responsibilities of
matrimony. Because man has con-
ceived an affection for a woman he
should be all the more anxious to save
her from tying herself to him in an
engagement of indefinite duration. An
attempt to bind her by promise Of
marriage at some remote time in the
future, detcrminable by himself only,
is pure selGshness in him.
A bethrothal is simply an engage
mcnt preliminary to marriage, and it
should not be entered into by man
until he can see his way to the fulfil
ment at the altar. Hence bcthrothal
ought to be announced with scarcely
less formality than the marriage itself.
The Jews who advertise their engage
ments in the newspapers follow a
proper and desirable course in thus
making bcthrothal matter of record
as a serious and definite obligation.
Getting engaged is grave matter
there is in life few compacts with con-
sequences more far-rcaching no man
worthy to be a husband promises mar
riage without the determination to
we'd the girl within a reasonable time,
the sooner the better.
The old way for parents to require
Of man dawdling about IL daughter to
declare his intentions, that is to
say, whether he was monopolizing her
company and driving off other fellows
with the serious intention of marrying
her if she would, or simply to crafty
lis vanity by securing her prefer
encc. If a man expresses his intcn-
tion to marry woman at some indci
mite time in the future when it is con-
ycnicnt for him, it is not a betrothal.
1t amounts to nothing. for he makes
no absolute promise. 1t is merely a
conditional agreement, and it is left to
his own pleasure to settle the condi-
tions
In .Ec peculiar instance referred to
Us there is not even the prctcncc Of a
bctrothal The young man evidently
wants to play fast an! loose. If he is
unable to get some girl he prefers to
marry, he will, perhaps, marry this
young woman, in the course Of cter-
nifty. Such proposition is an insult
to girl, even if it is accompanied by
the stipulation that she shall have
liberty to do the same. 1t is not a
betrothal, an engagement, but simply