Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1898-03-03
WAR "REMINISCENCES.
FEAR IN BATTLE.
One Man's Desperate Effort to Cure
Himself Of 1t.

One MASS Desperate Effort to Cure
Himself Of II.
Some OF us think there never was
such man; others have been contend
ing that hundreds OF men fought
straight through the civil war on each
side without ever knowing qualm Of
personal fear. What have you to say
about II, colonel? You certainly ought
to know for you were in it from start to
finish"
"Yes, ought to know" answered the
colonel, "and do know. | was lad
when | enlisted. shall never forget
that day. My father had fine country
place up the river then. I had just
passed my 18th birthday. There was
nothing but talk, talk, talk about the
war and enlisting. and got very much
aroused on the subject. slipped of to
a little island near by early one morn
ing and staid there alone that whole
day thinking the matter over; when I
went home that night my mind was
made up. | would steal away down to
the city next day and enlist. I did.
"When Igot back home the next after
noon ] was shaking in my boots, for l
had no idea what my mother and father
would say to me. You know a young
chap always tackles his mother first
under those conditions. So went in
to where mine was busy with her house.
hold duties and said:
"'Mother. I've enlisted
"'IIow dare you dosuch thing" she
answered, angrily and shut her lips
tight.
~ can't tell you how miserable | felt
over the way she took the news, be-
cause my boyish heart was full of the
cause. ] made my way hesitatingly to
my fathers study, opened the door and
stood face to face with the old gentle
man.
what is 1t, young man" he asked.
"Father. I've enlisted ! answered.
swell, what Of It.? he answered. If
you hadn't should have drowned YOU
and he took my hand in his. Then he
looked at me hard, and before I knew it
he gave me the kiss that should have
come from my mother.
81 started in as lieutenant, My IA
ther was influential, and he saw to that
When I started out felt sure that I
would never know what the feeling of
fear was, and experience taught me that
all soldiers went forth with the same
impression. Cad, how I changed my
mind during my first skirmish! We
were behind an embankment and was
in command. It just rained lead across
our heads. Every time man raised
his head above the breastworks it came
whizzing off his shoulders as sure as
shooting. got scared. could feel
myself growing colorless. couldn't
articulate. My arms grew rigid, and to
save me couldn't have put in a load.
All of a sudden II came to me that the
men under me knew that | was scared.
This thought loosened up my tongue
and joints bit. Then it flashed over
me that it would never do for me to let
my men know that ! was afraid, and
that must do something to prove that
was not. What could do? The man
next me poked his head up at that point
and mimic ball took him right between
the eyes. Acold sweat broke out on me,
and was ready to collapse, when all of
a sudden IL came back to me that oil
would be lost; that | should be ruined
II let my men 60 on thinking that
was coward. seized my field glasses
and with shout leaped to the top of the
breastworks. | raised those glasses to
my eyes, and for a second our enemy al
most stopped firing they were SO as
tonished. looked from one end Of
their lines to theothcr
"'Come down from there, you blamed
little fool!' said rough voice behind
me, and ! was jerked back into the
ditch by powerful force. DO you want