The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-05-03
REED AND THe eAR0GR.
The Speaker Of h House Explains HIS
hairless. Head To the Barber.

The Speaker Of The House Explains His
BairIes. Head To the barber.
From the Washington Post.
The Hon. Thoma Reed. speaker. re-
clined in a hotel barber shop chair the
other afternoon. looking like an apron
d Buddha far plunged in contempla-
ton Of the limitations OF the infinite.
Inscrutability cleaned steadily from
his penetrating little eyes. He seemed
to reck no that the burly. selfish world
was amove. He gazed with a continu-
ously focused axe upon the knob OF
the barber shop door-whether at
tempting to hypnotic himself or to
hypnotic the knob-who knows?-and
he spake no word TO the grinning black
barber with teeth like peeled almonds
who swept the scissors with zephyr
touch through the colorless wisp of
hair that family fringes the after part
OF the great mans skull. The disincli-
nation of the Hon T. Reed to be dis
coursive was not according to the bar
ber's idea OF things. He attempted to
draw the great man out. perhaps In or
der to b%equeath a legacy OF epigrams
to posterity. The great man only
grunted m~onosyllabic replies and re-
sumed his reverie. Then the barber de-
cided to switch the conversation to the
subject of Mr.. Reeds hirsute peculiari-
ties.
'Yo' haiuh's sut'nly thinnin' out a
heap, subj" said he.
.'rm-m," said Mr.. Reed.
'Teenchy bit o. tonic do 1t whole lot
o. good. sub"
"Tm-m. no.
Bin bald on de top o. yo' head long.
subj"
Mr.. Reed did not remove his gaze
-. - l1zrlx.Ah na ha dra xxlaHs
Il came N the world that way.
Then / had an interval of comparative
hirsute lu%xuriance. but IL was not en-
during. l have long since emerged
from the grief of the deprivation. IL no
longer afiicts me. Do not permit 1t
to weigh upon you
The black barber studied over this for
awhile. apparently without fully appre-
hending its meaning. however.
"Yo' haiuh'd look seine bettuh. sun,
ef yo' KEEP IL long I'm de back. lake, he
said. after a few moments OF silence.
q Hon. T. Reed removed his gaze from
the door knob, fastened II upon the cell
ing. cleared his throat and spoke again.
LET me assure you, my tonsorial
friend said he. that the appearance
OF my hair. as / have been accustomed
10 wearing IL. il eminently satisfactory
to myself. and. perhaps. i might also
say, to my constituents. n little
hair still adorns my neau L nave pos-
sessed for a long time. l know II well.
/ have been on familiar terms with IL
for many years. ! have inadvertently
mingled spruce chewing gum n
chewing tar with II in my years OF ex-
IRENE youth. / have often sun-dried II
in order to present a proper not guilty
appearance at home after surreptitious
swimming expeditions. / have had II
pulled the wrong way by boys whom ]
only learned to thrash afterward. AT
the same period Of my life i even en-
dured the ignominy of having 1t cut
in ascending tiers-by experimental
maiden aunts. The consequence of all
this is that that bit of remaining hair
and 1 are old and. ! trust, i~nseparable
friends. / indulge the hair and the hair
ndulges me. The hair INDUCES me by
permitting me TO wear IL after my W
conception of the VIZ it ought to be
worn. and indulge the hair by firmly
declining to have IL trifled with by gen.
tlemen of the scissors who possess art
istic ideas more bizarre than my own.
/ fear I'll have To ask you to Indulge us
both-the hair and me. Cut II the way
directed you to cut it,"
The black barber looke dazed.
When the great man had numbered out
of the shop, rolling like a
bo'sun's mate on "A three-day liberty
ashore, the barber mumbled:
'Speakuh! All should say he all Is a