El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-05-05
IF 1T WE'RE ONLY so.

IF 1T WERE ONLY So
A reporter Graphically Depicts the
Joys of Life.
Newspaper men always seem to M
to De such entraucingly mysterious
things, you know" said the beautiful
Washington maiden to one of 'em. 81
never get through wondering just how
they do-how they find out these
queer things that we read in the pa.
pers, you know. Now, suppose you
just walk around, and when you see
i anything or hear something, you just
| write it down and have it printed in
| your paper-isn't that the way ISIS
! dOne?"
"Precisely. None of us have any
! boss, top man, head-knocker, or any
! thing like that, Of course. Do just as
we please, all of us. Never get any in
structions from anybody. When we
want to write We just write, ana what
we write goes. We don't pay any at
tentiOn at all, you know, to the editor,
the managing editor, the city editor
anything we like, write anything we
| like, roast any body we like Tor don't
| like, rather) ana have q duece of q
good time all around. Now, I'm re-
porter, you see. Well. here's about an
average day for me:
81 get up about IL o'clock in
the forenoon, after having taken
chocolate and roll in beo, and put
myself in the hands of me man. Me
man finishes shaving me and fixing
| me up within an hour, and by noon,
after critically surveying me all over,
he turns me loose the thing of beauty
that you see before you. On my way
down town. always walk for the
sake of the exercise am usually de-
tanned a bit by sumptuously attired
ladies who can't resist the temptation
to stop their carriages when they see
me, in order to find out what's really
taking place in the upper strata.
Before going on down to the Of
ice L usually drop in for a minute
or so upon Mr.. Mckinley, who geuer-
ously refrains from embarrassing me
by comm ming at too great length
upon how much he liked my stuff in
yesterdays paper. 1 nod haughtily to
the managing editor as pass into my
suite of ORIGINALLY furnished Offices, and
spend 10 minutes or SO in sorting over
the pie of scented, violet-hued notes
that always await my attention. By
this time there's usually word in the
Office that an atrOciOus murder has
been committed somewhere over in
the Umptheast. 1 stroll over to
the scene Of the crime
fresh boutonniere on the wsy-and
get the facts. Then 1 return to the Of
flee in a brougham, sent afte- me by
the managing editor, and dictate what
I've ascertained about the murder to q
ACCOMPLISHMENTS shorthand man. If
the murder hasn't been quite bad
enough to suit my sanguinary tastes,
hO1 lot nd -
look pretty bad for all hands mixed up
in it Then 1 smoke a,couple of Per-
sian cigarettes in the seclusion of my
olive and gold office, tossing off lead
ing editorial or 80 upon the Cuban
question or Hawaiian annexation as
smoke, just to keep from being bored.
"My trap is at the door of the Office
by thus time, and 1 step into it and
permit myself 20 be whirled up to the
legislators for an hour or SO, warding
off their eager inquiries as to what's
going on at the executive mansion as
best can. [ treat them all impartial
ly, SO as not to excite jealousy
among them. After q haf hour
siesta, during which I recline on q
morocco leather couch in one of the
back to the Office where 1 find the |
managing editor somewhat wrought |
up because all of the reporters have |
declined to go to a big fire few blocks |
away because it's raining. To save the |
managing editor, and the city editor
both from losing their jobs,I volunteer |
to go and cover the fire. and they over |
whelm me with their grateful thanks. |
Then l rest my mind by writing |
u few brilliant short editorial para
graphs. II there's big criminal trial |
in progress, l take run over to the |
court house to see that the judge is con- |
Quoting the case so that the man the !
paper wants convicted shall be convict |
ed. On leaving the court house, feel |
ing the need of a bit of recre alton, 1
usually hail cab and attend one or |
two burDt-orsnge or cerise teas given |
by legation ladies or Cabinet minister's
daught' rs. 1 have to be on my mettle
on these occasions. for all of the ladies
depend upon me for the latest
esOteric information on literature, art
and good form. By this time 1 gen.
orally telephone the editor that I'll
not return to the office, and in-t-uct
h m to let me know by special mount
ed messenger If anything big hspp. MS
addressing me, of course, at the Elite
club, where l have me chambers.
'Ihen I come down here and make
my devours to YOU
"Why, how perfectly, sultanicslly
heavenly" exclaimed the beautiful
maiden. "And how deep you must
have to be!"-Washington Star.