The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-08-17
Toms Definition of n Calf.


Toms Definition of Calf.
Teacher-"What is calf, Thomas?'
Tommy--"If you please, nam, I
calf is a COW before it's cow, ma am.
-Harper's Bazaar.
Hard Lines.
Soph-'I've taken to writing for 6
living, lately"
S, lior-"Has the old man answered
any of your letters?"-Boston Courier
Such Importinonce!
"You love Harry and yet you hav,
rejected him.
''Well, he Dragged to me that h'
never made a mistake about girls. -
Chicago Record.
A Dangerous Undertaking.
"Miss Gimp, would you pray for mt
while 1 was engaged in dangerous
undertakings"
eyes, Mr.. Jumbles.
"Well, pray for me while l propose
to you. Chicago Record.
The Test.
Bachelor-"How do you like mar
ried life?"
Newlywed-"Ah, Jack, you dom
know what you're missing-that is
unless you count your wad every nigh
and morning, and that's mean. -
Judge.
Unusually Cautious.
Mrs. Milliken-"George, if l shoul,
die, how long would you promise t.
remain single?"
Mr.. Milliken cautiously )-"Wh
is the shortest length of time you vii
consider as an inducement. "-Detroi
Journal.
Rival For the Centipede.
Tommy Taddles, what i
a centipede!"
Tommy-"It is creature with
hundred feet, ma'am.
''Name another many-footed AM
NAL.
"a gas meter. "-Tawn Topics.
Dying.
81 shall die with my boots chi h
cries.
Drums are beating; flags iutter
multitudes cheer and weep al stIately
81 shall certainly die unless [ ge
them off soon" lie groaus; for he /
not used to parading in military boots
Puck.
A Murderous Suggestion.
Papa Titian-"Does that young ma
you've been keeping company wit
ror the past year or 50 intend gettin
married or remaining single"
Polly Titan" He's on the fence
papa"
Papa Titian-'"Throw him over
then!"-Puck.
FastldlOus.
Photographer THAT woman VIII
just went ont was very hard to please
She selected the first proof l CAV
her"
Friend-"Call that hard to please? !?
Photographer-"Yes; she sat TO
seven more before she made up he
mind. Puck.
The Plain Reason.
She had Just been stating her rea
sons for refusing his hand. II hope,
she said, "that l have made mysel
perfectly plain"
"No, cannot say that you have,
he replied. "I-I think nature ha
something to do with it," He exits
Philadelphia Bulletin.
A Case In Point.
Teacher-"Tommy, tell me th
meaning of the word 'excavate.
Tommy-'Itmeans TO hollow out.
Teacher-"Correct. Next boy Civ
me sentence containing that word.
Willie Jones Observation-Disclosures
pa puts me ON his knee and takes OF
his slipper it's sure thing that | ex
cavate. San Francisco Examiner.
Somnambulist Revelations.
"Private Quickstep didn't tell tn,
truth when he said he wasn't mar
ried," said one officer.
"Have you information to the con
trary?" inquired the other.
mo. But he was walking in hi
sleep last night, anil when we aske,
where he was goil,sS he said 'to put tn
cat out and see ii the basement doc
was locked. "-Washington Star.
Mistaken.
Artist Showing his latest picture I,
a friend )-"What do you think of il?
Friend -"Admirable-very realisti
brilliant technique - it actual
makes my mouth water!"
Artist why, what do you think
represents?'
Friend-"Represents? Still life, o
course-scrambled eggs in a frypan.
Artist --" Scrambled eggs, yol
blamed fool It's Il sunset in til
rt"-Heitere Welt.
A Successful Requirement.
First Successful Business Man
81 had only school educa
ton, but | found It sufficient. You,
believe, were a college graduate?"
Second Successful Business Man
"Yes; graduated with high honors
too"
First s. b. M.-"Now tell me truly
Did you ever find any PRACTICAL us
for what you learned at college?"
Second S. b. M.-"Um-yes. On