Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-11-20
THAT IGNORANT FAIRY
THE SAD RESULTS OF GEORGE II.
ALACAZUMNTS EFFORTS.
The story of How He MisappIicd His
Talents in the Case of william
4. GOrsuch-A Well Armed
Nan Unarmcd.
From Golfers Weekly.

From Golfers Weekly.
There was not Il more ignorant fairy in
All fairyland than young George H.. Ala
cazumnt. No one could be more kindly
disposed or well-meaning thar he. but there
Were few. if any. who We're so ignorant.
lie was lazy. That was The cause of his
ignorance. He was simply too lazy 10
learn As a consequence. for Il fairy. he
was poor. While other fairies. well versed
IN botany and natural history. wove spells
which caused to appear On their tables
roast pheasant, elephant steak. birds'-aest
soup. caVlare. durions, cuStard apples. man
eosteens: sapodlllas. and ali sorts Of
strange foreign tidbIts and delicious fruits.
poor ignorant George II. AlacaZumGi lew
OF nothing letter TO wish for than roast
pork and apples. goldfish balls. beef and
mutton, all cooked i'll the plaiReSt Stvie.
Tor he WIS un~acquaint-d with such words
as crOluetS. riSSoies. sauce tartare. soutfe
Shartreuse and a IA royale. Wnile his
~. planned our of their Imagination rs a
result of their studies in architecture,
sargoyle from u pediment. lived in a plain
pyramidai edifice OF a dull red brick whose
interior was rot more pleasing than its
exterior. While the other fairies ordered
diamonds from Golconda. opals from Ban
at. pearls from OrmuZ. rubies from Bur
man. emeralds from Siam. George H.. Al
acaZumni. who had never heard of those
countries. wore oroide gold chains and AL
aska diamonds. similar TO those advertised
by the Suitana Trick and Novelty Compa-
ny of West ST. Petersburg, CT. Il catalogue
OF which ,Iirn had fallen into his hands.
With no knowledge of history. he could
not. as his friends did. wish himself cos
tunes Of the most magnificent royal courts
of the past. but chose suits like those por-
trayed on IL fashion plate OF a New York
ready-made clothing store. and. as the
Il. poor George Fl. Alacazumni generally
looked like a regular guy. And his gram
mar was so faulty that oftentimes his
charms failed 10 work: Tor. as every one
knows, magical charms must be couched
in correct language if they are to be sue
CeSSful.
You may be sure that the friends of
George constantly chided and ridiculed him.
but without result. He remained too law
10 learn, but he did begin to see that he
occupied an inferior station in the COM
inIin1ty. How TO remedy this, without the
labor OF securing an education, puzzled him
exceedingly. The final outcome of his de-
alterations was a resolve TO leave farmland.
In the everyday world, he would be a per
son of Importance. Uncertain as his charms
often enough TO astonish everybody outside
Of .fairyland. He would go about the world
doing good Several centuries before his
time it had been quite the fashion for
fairies TO make pilgrimages about the
world. and the annals OF fairyland were
full of tales of how fairies had relieved
evil But nothing OF the kind was done
nowadays, ard he telt that on his return
from such an expedition the other fairies
would not be able 10 taunt him with his
lack of Importance.
ExtortinE n Compassionate Penny.
1t was & cool day in the fall when George
II. AlacaZumni appeared in the streets of
the great American city of Bostyorkso. He
had scarcely proceeded a mile along the
principal t~horoughfarc wher he felt his
sleeve gently plucked and heard Il whin-
ing voice say: Aims. please; aims, please,
your reverence
Turning about, he beheld a rather pow
erfnl looking man, with a very red face.
sleeve hung empty by his side. his right
leg was bent at the knee. where was fast
ened a wooden support that reached the
ground. y keener eye than that of George
H. AlacaZumni would have noticed d suS-
picious buigiless on the side where hung
the empty sleeve. ard would nave re-
marked that the bRrt leg was apparently
strong and in 10 need OF the wooden sJp-
port So often did people notice these
him now requesting almS-that it was sell
dom he eXtorted Il compassionate penny.
1t so happened that on leaving fairyland
George had chosen from the ancient fash
no idea of what clerical meant. and that
Is why Bill Gorsuch requested aims"
for. seeing before him a gentleman in a
chokcr and straight-cut. black hroadcloth
coat, and remembering to have seen i'll a
church. porch a carven box with the word
Aims on il. he concluded that such was
the proper word to use in INVOKING cler-
ical charity. Had George worn one of his
oroide gold watch chains and one of the
GorSuch would have boldly asked for the
price of a drink. Had George been a
woman, Gorsuch would Lave begged d
dime to buy a loaf OF bread for a starving
wife.
Aims and your reverence" George
H.. AlacaZumni was immensely pleased at
being so respectfully Saluted and at find
ing so soon such a worthy object of char
ity as this poor fellow with one arm gone
and one leg useless: requesting arms, Why.
did he not ask for legs. too? George
thought of that, but concluded in his sim
pie way that the suppliant had no room for
more legs. Arms? He should have them,
plenty OF them.
"Abracadabra. bracad. a." exclaimed
George. waving his hands, "Beneleeboko.
spirit of the air. and Scarabolunka. prince
of the demons of the deep. give TO this man
five arms and instantly there appeared
on Bill Gorsuch five new arms. two on each
side. and one in the middle of the back.
George was amazed at this unusual ar
rangement. for he thought that the five
new arms with the ann already existing
would make six arms. three on a side; but
the arrangement was explained and his
amaZement increased by seeing a seventh
arm eXtricate itself from the swathings be-
meath which it had been concealed all the
time. and that was why the five new arms
had not arranged themselves to form three
on each side.
i'Whoosh,' said Bill Gorsuch. and he
dropped his crutch. Strengthened out his
bent knee, and walked away as briskiy as
can be.
He forgot to thank me" said George.
and he entered a small restaurant and
partook of picked pigs feet with great
gusto. Across the way from the restau-
rant. a band began to blare as he finished
his meal, and after a little a voluble man
appeared and announced that for the small
no end of wonderful things. among them
William T. Gorsuch. the only living seven
armed phenomenon. procured at much trou-
BILE and expense for he was now receiving
d salary of $500 Il week. And entering in
response to the voluble sentleman's invita-
ton. George beheld ON a platform. address
ing a large and interested crowd, the man
who had requested arms Il few hours be-
fore. He was flourishing his seven MEM
bers and informing hi hearers that his
four. his aunt Petronilla FIVE. but that he
was the only ore who had seven. George
was much impressed by this narration and
had n svmpathetic understanding of the
pathetic extremity of Bill Gorsuch when
he found himself in such "A well-endowed
Der OF arms. Small wonde: that he went
about the streets of HostyorkSo begging
for arms.
quest for deserving unfortunates whom he
might relieve. George neglected his upper.
and it was not until quite late al night
rant where he had dined. But what a
change. There We're new tables. new
chairs, new tableware, new napery: and.
in the morning. everything was now very
fine, and on the wall hung al immense
placard setting forth that every evening
after . O'Clock. the hour of closing Dim
g!ewhanser's great dime museum. William
T. Gorsuch. the only living seven-armed
man. would Join the restaurants corps of
walters. Presently he saw Gorsuch him-
self. hurrying in with each Of mis- seven
hands bearing a tray aloft, and from the
crowd within the restaurant and the vast
~assembIage without. gazing in the win
dows. burst "a storm of applause. 1t was
nearly II when George sat down to his
repast, which was served him in a corner