Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1898-09-03
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room to develop their affections.-Ba.
gar.
Hiram-IIurry up, Mandy. an git
away from this building. Mandy
What's your hurry, HI? Hiram (chuck.
Hns)-The fellow in the elevator forgot
to collect our fares.-Truth.
II hear you had an 0ction brought
against you by man who broke his
collar bone on your doorstep. How
did the case go?" MET the same fate
as he did" How do you meant"
Slipped upon appeal:'-Punch.
The Woman Who Had Just Moved
1n-The first thing we want to do is to
tear down those old curtains those poo.
pie have left. Her Husband-lt seems
you have no reverence for the shades
Of the departed.-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Seemed to be some trouble at the
Bugle Office this morning" There was.
They tried to speak of Battles wife as
well known In polite circles and the
printer made 1t police circles. Gin.
cinnati Enquirer.
Hewitt-That hotel clerk queered
himself last night. Jewett-How was
that? Hewitt-A lady he was calling
upon happened to say that her foot was
asleep. and he absent. mindedly asked
her what time she would have 1t called.
Town Topics.
at Is true, darling that play the
races. indulge In Intoxicating drinks,
and sometimes swear a little. But I
shall stop II all when you accept me-"
Are you sure you CAM" II know Il.
I've done 1t every time I've been en-.
gaged."-1.ife.
Victim of hard luck, Of coursc?"
asked the sarcastic citizen. "1n every
shape an FORM" answered Dismal
Dawson. wy, my friend. I never
git out OF Jail but what the weather
turns cold er begins to rain."-lndian.
apolis Journal.
Mrs. F~sg-For mercy's sake. Daniel.
what are yOl doing down there on
your knees. p1ering under that bureau?
Fogg (wh0 HAS lost his collar button.
and IL not In sweet frame Of mind
Looking for the Spanish fleet: what do
you suppose I was looking for?-Tran.
script.
DO you remember" said Miss An.
Gent Oldgirl to Colonel Crabtree,
how. when you were n young man. you
proposed to me and I rejected your"
1T Is one Of the happlest recollections
Of my life" said the colonel, with an
air Of gallnntry. And Miss Oldglrl Is
still wondering. Puck.
"Nout hab de pOlitniss to inQwhire
wat for YOU hab dat razor up your
sleeve, Mr.. JOhnsinY' said the
german" about to shuttle the cards.
''Oh. Just fought dere mout he some
occasion dis evcnin'. Mr.. Fcrriss, to
cut de cards." said the citizen with tho
red.striped shirt.-YOnkers Statesman.
Let me kiss your Dewey lips
urged the youth In the parlor. young
man." roared voice from above. "the
bombardmcnt will open rs soon as
can get dowI stairs" Then the hap.
less youngster organized himself Into
a flying squadron and made feet dis.
appearance.-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Dreams-"John. have you
thought how you would leave me II
you should die? Don't you think you
ought TO take out some life insurance."
John 4. Drcams-"Life insurance?
Great Scott! Haven't got forty
stories accepted by 'pay.on.publica.
ton periodicals Y'-Brooklyn Life.
Little Boy-"Mr. Blake. won't you
bend some for me?' Mr.. Blakc--"I
cant. my boy" Little Boy-"Aren't
you q contortiOnist?" Mr.. Blake
mo. child; whatever gave you that
idea!" Little Boy-"Sls said that every
time you opened your mouth you put
your foot In lt."-Hariem Life.
Cutting-"Tm undecided whether to
90 TO war or stay ut home" Mrs.
Cutting-"Remember. II you do go.
you will have to face Spanish bullets
and possibly sudden DEATH" Cutting
"Yes; and II don't go I'll have to face
American biscuit ana lingering
death. Guess I'll enllst."--Judge.
The New Star: Miss Birch-"Who
was first In war, first In peace. AMI first
In the hearts Of his countrymen:" 81.
lencc. Miss BiGh-"Of course You
know. Now. who was it, More 81.
lence. Miss Birch--"Dear. dear. Think,
children. Come, now, III was '-ucoISe
-" Grand chorus--"Dewey, ma'am.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
1t was very unklnd. no doubt. but
she certainly drove him to 1t. They
had only been married two years, and
she persisted in throwing her money
in his face. What would you be now"
she cried angrily, before the servant
one morning at breakfast, "if II had
not been for my money!" "A bache.
lor." he replied
He (desperatelyJ-Tel me the truth.
Is It not my poverty that stands be.
tween US! She ,sadlyJ-Y-e-s. He
with a ray Of hope)-I admit that am
poor. and so, unfortunately, Is my faith
er: but l have an aged uncle who Is
very rich, and n bachelor. He Is an in.
valid and cannot long survive. She
How kind and thoughtful you are!
VIII you Introduce me to hlm?-New
York Weekly.
Hlcks-Barton' Is quite struck with
Miss Blrdikin. He had just lighted a
cigar last evening when she hove In
sight He thew IL away and went up