davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10
The Smiths Are Beaten.

What is the use of being Smith in
Chicago any longer, now that the name
is robbed of its poor honor in filling
the greatest number of pages in the
city directory? 1t is not that the
Smiths are fewer, says the Chicago
Tribune, but that the Johnsons have
waxed greater. The Johnsons usurp
1917 pages in the new directory, while
the Smiths only 1879 RACES. 1t is
enough to make u Smith change his
name. AS for the Browns, Joneses and
Robinsons, they are not in it with the
Andersons. The directory is not sup
posed to be pathetic book to read in
ordinary circumstances, but it does
seem sad that all the good old Ameri
can names are being crowded to the
wall. At this rate one will soon have
to hunt up a Scandinavian father for
himself in order to get into the Chi
cago directory at all. Before it is
everlastingtly too late, we suggest
that the Johnsons be given a separate
directory of their own. The book is
getting too big, anyhow. In the name
of the Smiths and the precious princi-
pie of home rule, let us do something
to maintain our rights. 1t would
scarcely be justifable to kill off the
Johnsons, especially as there are sc
many of them, but things come to a
sorry pass when the name Of John
Smith no longer means as much as il
| did.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

A recent issue of the Gloucester
(Mass.) Times contains the following
peculiar advertisement: This is to
give notice that my wife, who left my
house without sufficient cause, has re-
turned, and is glad to get back again,
and will not leave again in hurry.
Jerry Amero."
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

The latest fad is the laughing cure,
which may be considered higher ex-
tension of the Don't Worry circle. 1t
is assumed by The new cult that to be
tranquil is not enough. To laugh i'm
moderately, at stated intervals, which
Sydney Smith said was the Scotch idea
of humor, seems to have more to rec
ommend it than he supposed.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

According to the Hartford Times.
the people in that city are in very
parlous state. 1t is estimated that
there are over $4,000 oaths uttered in
Hartford every day, and all in despite
of the Connecticut statute which says
that "every person who shall use any
profane oath, or shall wickedly curse
another, shall be fined one dollar"
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

Secretary of the Navy Long an
nounces that in awarding the con-
tracts for the three new battleships
preference will be given to bids offer
ing to guarantee the greatest speed
and coal endurance, and that each yes
sci must be able to steam 5,432 knots
at moderate pace. That would carry
a ship to Europe and back again, or
from Honolulu to the coast of China.
Events of the war with Spain have in
duced all navy departments to provide
a higher speed for battleships about
to be constructed. The new battle
ship Missouri will be at least two knots
faster than any vessel of her class in
commission in our navy.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

An aeronaut says that there is the
same difference in the air at the earth's
surface and at an altitude of half a
mile that there is between water in
muddy puddle and the purest spring
water. He states that for time one
feels, after coming down from an
ascent, as if one were breathing solid
dust ~
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

a member of the crew of the Brook
Ign in private letter, says: IL can
not do Commodore Schley full justice.
l and all the men on the Brooklyn, and
all those whose good fortune it is to be
placed under his command, agree with
me that he is fighter and thorough
gentleman. He repeatedly praised the
men, and gave them words of encour-
agement, one of his phrases being:
Bully boys; give it to them; your shots
are finding the mark was excited
somewhat at the start. but the men
were constantly cheering, joking and
laughing.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

One Chicago thief's specially is steal
ing clocks. The police want to lay
their hands on him and make him do
time, but have not yet been able TO run
him down.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

A Georges judge is credited with
saying in giving formal judicial opin-
ion: Indeed, it is always probable
that something improbable will hap
pen"
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

How to grow wheat with big profit at 40
cents and samples of Salzer's Red Cross $50
Bushels per acre. Winter Wheat, Rye, Oats,
Clovers, etc, with Farm Seed Catalogue for
cents postage. JOHN A. SALZER SEED
CO., La Crosse, Wis. X
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

When insured property burns, people
wonder if it wasn't set on fire. If it was
not insured, they wonder how some folks are
SO careless. Washington (Ia.) Democrat.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

Collie, Hives and Thrush in Infants relieved
and prevented by DR.. Mofett's TEETHINA
lTeethfng Poiode,s). All druggists keep it.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

The woman that married poor man be-
cause she loved him is very apt to want her
daughter to marry a rich man whether she
loves him or not.-Roxbury Gazette.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

After that alliance with England is
formed, will she join us in celebrating the
Fourth FL. A. w. Bulletin.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

For Nausea, Vomiting and the weak, irri-
table Stomachs of Children, nothing equals
Dr. MoGetfs TEETHINA (Teething Pva0ders.)
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10
DON'T You Sleep

Does your Head Ache? Somnif Caffein
cures instantly. All druggists. Is cents. DR..
Paxton Medical Co., 20l RiverSt.. Troy, NY.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10
Lost His Life saving o,Aer..

A country boy visiting New York stopped
a frantic runaway team that was about to
dash on the sidewalk where there were hun.
dreds Of women and children. He saved
their lives, but lost his own. Hundreds OF
lives are saved every year by Hostetter's
Stomach Mtters. People who are fast 20.
ing to their graves with disorders of stom.
ach liver, bowels and blood are brought
back to good health by it. All the sick
should try it,
so that is the famous playwright? But
why is it that one reads so little about him
nowadays" "Oh, he has been famous too
ong"-Fliegende Blaetter.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

In the Language of the Day.
He-I shall never love again.
She-Ah. An immune. - Indianapolis
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

To Cure n Cold I'm One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. Csc.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

Piso's Cure for Consumption is an A No,
| Asthma medcne--W. r. Williams, An.
toch, Ill.,, April ii, 1894.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

Mamma-"From what animal do we get
our milk" Flossie-"From the milkman.'
Judge.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10
An Odd Dispute.

One of the big ice companies of Chi
,ago had dispute with patron few
bays ago over the payment of bill for
Ats commodity. The bill is still I'M
paid, and as it is too small to sue for
the ice people expect they will lose the
sum. The customer, reports the
Chronicle, is the same man who in 60
ing away last summer left the gas
lighted in three rooms and had dis
agreement with the gas company over
O large bill. In the former case he had
to pay, not liking the idea of having
his gas shut off. But the ice business
he regards as different. The iceman
had furnished the customers wife with
a small card Which was to be hung out
on the back porch whenever she need
ed ice. The scheme worked all right
until the family went to the country
a month ago. The iceman would leave
lump on the porch, which little
later would be put in the icebox. The
housewife forgot to take in the card
when she went with the rest of the
folk to the country. The iceman in
obedience to The cards legend con-
tinued to leave his daily block behind
the vacant house. Each lump wore it's
life away UNDECIDED in the hot sun
shine until the spot where it had stood
was but little puddle in the evening,
The next day its successor would
share the same fate and the iceman
never learned his mistake until the oc'
cupants of the house returned. The
customer claims the blunder was the
fault of an unobservant iceman. The
ice company claims the customer
should have taken in his card.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

For originality of spelling restau.
rant on West Madison street just west
of the cable barns certainly takes the
plum. Its bill of fare is a remarkable
one. On the front cover patrons are
informed that the place is an ideal
ladies' and gents restawrent." Turn
ing over the leaf the first thing that
strikes the eye is list of "omcletes,"
and under this head each separate
Cmelet is characterized as an ''omlet."
Farther down the page is the informa-
ton that all Sandwiches" are five
cents each. Other articles on the bill
are vegetables" "sardeenes," roas,
''veel," and "pastery.' At the bottom
Of the bill of fare is the following foot
note: ARTICLES with no prices at
ratched' not served to-day This is
original spelling with vengeance.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1898-09-10

The Press quotes from letter writ.
ten by the wife of a wealthy Cuban to
Ter sister in New York 1t reached
New York by way of Vera Cruz, MeXi-
co. and was mailed in Havana more
than three weeks ago. The writer
says: 'rhe little food we have at
home is buried in the cellar, and when
we eat our meals we hide in an upsta airs
room so that the starving people can
not look in through the windows and
see us. When we ate in the dining
room they would break in and snatch
our food away. We know if they We're
to see us eating now they would take
away our last piece of bread and
meat. 1t is unsafe for anyone to be
caught eating"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19
G N CONVERSATION.
JOhnsOn'p EgOtism Was Really Sublime
Not Good HUNDRED.

JOhnsOn'b EgOtism Was Really Sublime
Not Good HUNDRED.
The art of conversation has suffered
in England from the example Of it's
most famous professor. DR.. johnson
understood it theoretically, but even
so only to a limited extent. He was
supposed to form his view of it IN &C.
cordance with the rule of Bacon, says
the Nineteenth Century I'm all kinds
of speech, whether pleasant. grave, Sc
we're or ordinary, it is convenient to
speak leisurely and rather drawing
ly than hastily, because hasty speech
confounds the memory and oftentimes.
besides The unseemliness, drives a man
either to stammering or nonplus, or
harping on that which should follow:
whereas a slow speech conformeth the
memory, addeth a conceit Of wisdom
to the hearers, addeth a seemliness Of
speech and countenance." This does
not strike one as a model for him who
would either be brilliant or agreeable.
and excludes naturalness, which is one
of the greatest charms of conversation.
That Johnson did not slayishly follow
Bacon's precept is very certain. So
far from being "leisurely," he jumped
down the Threats of all who disagreed
with him. "You may be good-natured,
sir said Boswell, with unusual spirit.
'but you are not good-humored (which
the doctor had just plumed himself on
being). believe you would pardon
your opponents if they had time to de-
precate your vengeance; but punish
ment follows so quick after sentence
that they cannot escape" The idea Of
his ever being at a nonplus is ridi-
culous indeed, though sometimes
at loss for repartee from sheer
indignation. The rights of his little
passage of arms with Adam Smith are
much disputed. That he remarked:
You are a liar" seems tolerably GER
tain, but whether the other philoso-
pher did retort in the quite I'M
printable and by no means pertinent
words that are attributed to him is
doubtful. At ell events, the whole af-
fair was not good example Of polite
conversation. Johnson's great mis-
take was in confounding it with mon
ologue. I'VE had good talk this even
ing" he said on one occasion, when
returning from party where scarcely
any one had been able to get a word
in edgeways except himself. If he had
said: Il had good talk" the observa-
ton would have been faultless, but of
conversation such as he sincerely be-
lieved had taken place there had been
none.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19
ACCURACY.
1t Is Good Thing bnt Sometimes 1t
Becomes Painful.
none.

It Is a Good Thing bnt Sometimes 1T
Becomes Painful.
Accuracy is the most desirable thing
on ordinary occasions, but there are
times when it pals, says the Wash
tngton Star. 1t is soothing to hear
the English language spoken with
confidence and unerring grammar.
which betoken intelligence and good
breeding, and especially so when it is
uttered in public places by uniformed
persons from whom you ordinarily
hear such remarks as Hill" Get a
move on yer" and Cant you look
where we're goin'?'
middle-aged man who had made
his way through the mob of depot en-
ployes who use this style of vocabu-
larry was happy to find the conductor
on the sleeping car a young man with
gentle voice and a deliberate and re-
fined manner. He was more than
gratitied when he saw him, later on
the journey, take a copy of one of the
Latin classics from his pocket and be-
gin to read. His pleasure at the spec
tacle made him almost forget that in
his haste to catch the train he had neg
lected to eat any luncheon. Approach
ing the conductor, he endeavored to
mingle knowledge with agreeable in
tercourse. Have you been on this
road long?" he inquired. mo" the
conductor answered, without looking
up. This is my first week" DO
you like the work." "Au labor ia
distasteful. But I endeavor not to
allow my mind to dwell on the irk-
some phases of my duty"
The conductor had not taken his
eyes from the book and his uuestioner
abandoned all idea of sociability and
proceeded with the matter nearest to
his heart. "Will you tell me-" he
asked, when and for how long this
train stops for dinner?" "Not at ALL"
Are you sure of that?" came the in
quiry in tones Of protesting anguish.
Yes" the gentle voiced conductor re-
Piled, as he leisurely turned a leaf
am quite sure. The train does not
eat"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

viii be glad to know that one Aansue-
doc Ia left; let us comfort him Watn
the knowledge" :,
point him out to me, and Will
bring him down to you"
"The gray-headed old man in the
green jerkin. See, he is watc' ing US
now"
Felicie and Jules passed down into
the cabin, and Emile returned on deck
The cabin was long narrow apart
ment with the state-rooms opening
from either side. There were some
dozen people in it, who at once came
forward to offer any assistance or "a
vor in their power to the pale, loVely
girl, whose graceful bearing was such
contrast to her present clothing. One
drew forward an easy chair, another
poured out glass Of wine and eagerly
preferred it, a third produced a rich
shawl, and yelled with it's bright folds
the coarse and dingy dress.
Only one made no movements tall,
detected looking woman, in the very
coarsest of black dresses, who sat WIN
closed eyes, leaning her head YEARLY
against the wall.
She had spread her handkerchief
over her eyes and forehead, and did
not remove it for the stir made by the
entrance of Felicie.
When, however, old JeannOt made
his appearance, rushing in with the
most reckless disregard of propriety,
she drew it away and looked up hastt-
ly.
ooh, all the saints be praised" cried
old Jeannot, sobbing and blubbering
like a school-boy; "it is really you, my
young mistress! | never dreamed it
could be, though it made my heart ache
thinking how much you looked like my
blessed young lady. Oh, this is too
beautiful What will she say? Where
is she?"
my good Jeannot, knew it would
be such pleasure to your honest heart
to know that had escaped. And
what has brought you here to meet the
sole survivor of a hapless family, whose
greatness and grandeur have fallen
to the dust?" said Lady Felicie, softly
and tenderly, as she clasped affection
ately the old mans extended hand.
Where is she?" demanded Jeannot.
feverishly.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

A womens society for political
study recently tried and acquitted
Aaron Burr, He was forgiven for his
gallantries to women other than his
wife. Had he lived in another age
and time" said one lady, speaking of
these gallantries, "he would have been
treated differently" Evidently the
present time was directly referred to,
though we are glad to say that the
lady didn't press the point or defend
the alleged fact very energetically. He
was also forgiven for marrying Mad
anne Jumel for her money; and then
the society decided that it wasn't prop
err to discuss the private lives of great
men and hastily dropped the subject.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

The boatman entertained Emile with
The description of race they had the
lay before to prevent a small sktff from
getting out to the English vessel.
"And did you succeed?" asked he
little indifferently.
Not we. 1t was strange enough.
but they pulled as though the evil one
took hold with them. An old man,
one was, too, and feeble looking, but
his arms were like iron. They were
provling around all the evening, and
they stole the heat and put out, think
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19
feVerishIy

My child, my Felicie-oh, God of
mercy, l thank theew
And prone at the girls feet, sank the
shiVering, trembling figure.
Had the grave opened before her
eyes, and yielded up it's dead, Felicie
| could not have been more startled.
Mother, mother" gasped she; "can
1t be possible, am l awake? Emile,
Jules, tell me that l do not dream"
Emile stood at the threshold like
statue frozen suddenly to the spot;
he could not articulate a single word.
Jules likewise was overwhelmed with
beWilderment.
But JeannOt had read the whole, and
Selling the hand of each, he cried.
stCutly:
No, no, it is no dream; you are both
saved - mother and daughter both
saEed-When you believed each other
dead. Rejoice and be happy. And we
shall be in England soon. Oh, praise
all the saints for this beautiful ending
to that bloody night"
Mother and daughter were sobbing in
each others arms, and not an eye was
dry in the cabin, as the strangers ST.
lently retreated from the sacred scene.
"Oh, my child, my child! l have
had so little hope in escape-the world
has seemed such a dreary blank, and
now there is such light, such ioyw
whispered the countess.
Il cannot understand ii! We believed
you dead; such anguish as the thought
gave us; Emile and l both were SO GER
tain of your death. How could it have
happened, that we were deceived?"
Emile? Then it was he who saved
your"
He is here. Emile, where are your"
cried Felicie.
Emile came forward slowly: he took
the hand Of the countess, raised il
reVerentially to his lips, and said.
4 cannot speak. I am overwhelmed
with gratitude at this providentiaI
meeting-this blessed discovery-and
1t is totally inexplicable still"
Tell us how you escaped, nv mother
my precious, precious one; restored as
1t seems from the very jaws of death.
tell us how it happened"
"Jeannot must answer v0ur iDouirios
to me it is ali a blank"
Jeannot smiled with pardonablo
pride. JIG
ITO BE COSTTNuE,
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

This is an age of progress and the
church cannot afford to stagnate. The
clergyman of today takes advantage of
modern improvements. He pays pas
toral calls on bicycle; he lights his
church by electricity and he is expert
menting with the plan of giving his
sermons a wider circulation by trans
hitting them to his parishioners by
telephone. The newspaper is by far
the most effective aid he can employ.
1t is the ultimate manifestation Of
modern progress and energy, The
church cannot do without it.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

A writer who has been entertained
by the sultan says his majesty is quiet
and very much of a gentleman. He has
a velvet voice and is evidently man
OF conscience and culture. He cannot
help the assassination which has oc-
Cured pro and con between his sub
Jects OF different religious creeds, but
ne is sorry for 1t. Perhaps Byron de-
scribed that person better-"as mild a
hammered man as ever souttled ship
or cut a throat"
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

The present year win have among
its noteworthy anniversaries the one
hundred and fftieth anniversary of the
death Of Isaac Watts. It will be chiefly
as writer of hymns that he will be
honored by affectionate remembrance.
OF his hymns the Christian world has
chosen few as pre-eminent If he
had written only the hymn beginning,
20 God, our help in ages past" his
name would have a sure place in the
roll OF makers Of verse worthy and des-
tined to live. A great hymn levels de-
nominational barriers. While men are
talking of Christian unity, or dream
ing of it, the hymn, in its sphere of in
fiuence, if only for the moment when
heard or sung, makes believers one. He
who has strengthened and inspired gen.
erations, refreshing the saints and NOV
ing those who make no pretensions to
saintliness, may we'll be remembered.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

The jury and the judge that recently
rebuked a lawyer for putting an in
sultlng question to a lady witness
have set an example that ought to nit
igate great evil. Frequently a wit
ness is treated worse than if he were
the prisoner at the bar The lawyer
guilty of that cruel injustice ought to
be held responsible for it, and if the
court will not protect lady against
insult her friends ought to have the
right of punishment.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

If Mr.. Dana left orders that his own
newspaper should be beaten by every
other journal in the country in con-
nection with the news of his own
death, it is evident that something was
the matter with him besides the al
legged cause of his departure. Eccen-
tricity is pardonable where it can't be
helped but the kind of eccentricity
that troubled Horace Greeley was per-
mitted no authority in the Office of
the Tribune when that good old van
went to his reward.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

The unpleasant incidents and acct
dents OF the recent indoor bicycle race
In New York degrade sport and add
nothing to our knowledge of physical
strength, nor does such an exhibition
IN any way encourage a wholesome
development Of an outdoor sport which
Is doing SO much to improve the health
and raise the vitality of the American
people.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

Burnt cork for women minstrels in
behalf of charity having been forbid
den by Bishop Potter under the aus
pices of his church, one recalls the
remark Of Henry Ward Beecher, that
the devil has no right to all the best
tunes. A minstrel show of that kind
has deal Of fun as well as charity in
1t, and has the church no right to fun,
either? The proprieties and the dig
mites spoil good deal of enjoyment,
though they have their rights, too.
The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1898-02-19

Keely's motor is now a hying-ma-
chine which paralyzes graVitation
through sympathetic outreach";
though, to be sure, the sympathetic
outreach belonged to the original in
Ventton if the experience OF certain
capitalists is any criterion.