The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-01-24
R WAR FOR CERTAIN.
THUNDERBoLTs FORBIYG FOR TIE
ANNIBILATI0N OF JERSEY CIT.

The slur Pet Upau venus ~ Rlartip n. Adams
90 ne Avenged BY 5ove and All the Gedu Of
oil upus-Their ApEer decreased on Learn
IpG That Their Ambassador YVES Bunceed.
winged.foot Mercury. TIE sUN's special cor
respondent at tho Court Of Olympus, came into
the Office last evening In q great hurry and a
condition Of such evident excitement that the
head office boy halted him, as he was turning
away after leaving asbatch Of copy on the office
boys desk, with the query:
Anything important turned mp in your cor
ner OF heaveni'
'Importantl' criod Mercury, Strengthening
q pinion which had become twisted q little in
his climb OF the stairs, II should say 80. War
is likely to DO declared on Jersey City"
"Geei" cried the head office boy, whose phleg-
matte temperament all tho rumors OF trouble in
tho Orient or in Cuba had failed to stir from Its
bored apathy. whats 1t all about Hold.up
and tell us about it"
Cant" Mercury called back oyer.his shout
der as he Wont. 'Got to get back to the con-
ference Of the gods. It's about that Venus
statue. Youth find all in that.copy, except the
| imminent probability OF war. which d~iplomatio
reasons compelled me to suppress. Valel' and
no was gone.
This was the despatch which Mercury deliv-
cred:
Special Aerial and Celestial Despatoh 20 THE sun.
OLYMPUS, Jan. 29.-An the gods are greatly
stirred up over the recent affront offered to
Venus in Jersey City. U. s. A., the Earth. and
It is possible that measures Of retaliation will
shortly DO set on foot. unless ample reparation
In made by the impious Jerseymen. Tho report
| OF the indignities to the Goddess of Love and
Beauty was not at first credited in court cir
| Giles. but the special Ambassador, Pan. who was
| sent down to investigate, reported to-day o con-
dition Of affairs which proves not only the
truth Of tho original report but also that the
| Jerseyites are in o condition of contumacy. I'M
mediately upon the communication to the court
of the news which Pan brought o session was
called. Jove presiding, and the report was pre-
sented by Mercury, Pan being otherwise en-
gagged in interviewing himself at q remote spot
in tho sacred forest. Mercury, at q sign from
the presiding officer, arose and said:
'~Far-thundering Jove. Gods. and Goddesses!
Pan, special Ambassador from he'august court
to Jersey City to investigate the matter Of the
treatment of Venus, respectfully reports that
1t is true that Venus has been declared by tho
heather Jerseymen unsuitable to be placed upon
the new soldiers monument"
Here the speaker was interrupted by cries Of
'tShamel shnmel' and Venus's eyes filled with
tears.
Not only this" continued Mercury; but
her character hassbeen assailed In tho news
papers Dy ono mdTtln a. AudIlb, EobluShb Va .
granite cutters union. who has roasted her in
~"Presumptuous mortall' muttered Vulcan.
minute hsa ) rs I would Ssaiidd's r e at him. Ho should be
eleverly fashioned into an unrocosnizable
Silence in the court'' Numbered Jove. 'Pro-
ait appears shss a ststue Of Venus was de,
papers. I viii read selections from his inter
WITCH iSSEhi s Hs fisysal ,S sssdn ssigss: # %hs sh sit.f G1nf% emsls
figure they first claimed to represent the god.
"Thunderbolts and avalanches, death and
Instruction. cried Venus jumping to her feet.
"Do they confound me with that frpmpi Why,
"she is not so advanced" retorted the, god
dess referred to, shooting an angry glance
character behind her, like some others II"
.That will do, ladies'" put in Jove uneasily.
~ sKsu u twS are q chance chance e e i antP5n.'' points, DO
committee" continued the reader. that the
sel1sS s4SS srssif from sasf the sFe e 3 3ppSrodits. j jns. as ss
dite was a Trojan, tho mother Of Aeneas,, the
paramount Of Mars, the Roman god OF war.
make mae me out sn the father MSt Of Aenaesi Ky Voice
your voice had better be for silence" said
contentedly, ''that II suspicion once attaches
e e1eryt III e on him. Now. rs diff different WITH
Imperial, :Goye;. Everybody knows that he"
bringing down his gavel with a bang that sent
cellar. "i'p work the Empsrof William dodge
scandals on me. 90 on with the reading"
lodging a stray thunderboit Which had got
loose from Joye's egis in the excitement. went
"'It's merits as a creation of fine art are ex-
aaggerated; It II Is h. entirely too too serious 6Ps yos 81 eon Iao
much drapery on its lower limbs"
How mean of himl' said Minerva spitefully.
when we all know that. Venus has the hest of
reasons for tt that 1t isn't her fault that she Is
Mare gaspod Venus, white with rage, de;
Mars, sit down" thundered Jove. unless you
pine p1fob to = be b r she hero y 81 the q snt that ei aebIs t Gxe.
Paris gave, you, and DO content; 1t viii give
your mouth a needed rest. Minerva, you're
NN"Yes, Immortal Sire. Tho mortal continues:
spects to it. 1t might be adopted by clock man;
ufaeturerS as ? fitting Ing design f0r parle sr map hnt
That Is all. sire"
"Then I move this august assembly that I be
Second the notion" said Vulcan. Il need
"My voice 10 for war;" remarked Mars.
"Your voice is always for war" said Minerva
tartly. You're a. regular professional pug.
Now. ! counsel diplomacy. Let us find out
investigate further"
TOO windy for a diplomat" said Jove. He'd
NN"Weli, Apollo with his Tyre them suggested
Juno, who had been asleep most Of the time.
'That ought to be a good combination"
"Why hasn't Pan appeared. Where is he.
anywayP' demanded Joye.
"Never-dying Sire. dost hear that hollow
hooking sound from the depths OF the forestl"
said Mercury. ''rhat. egis'bearing Conqueror,
whats he doingl Hitting the pipes againi"
asked Jove with some anxiety,
mo, Sire; he Is leaning up against q treo
and kicking himself"
"Whereforei' .queried the entire court in a
1t appears that when Pan was sent to earth
to investigate no landed in Jersey City near the
ferry. Hardly had no taken his bearings than
a Sticky clad stranger approached, seized him
by the hand, and flashing the light from a large
diamond backed, by u crimson scarf into his
eyes, said geniaily:
"Ah there. Pan, got any tinf'
At this remark, which seemed to smack of