Mesa free press., 1898-05-13

Bridget? Servant-Nom. He's older'n
[ be.-Boston Courier.
'That story would be good IL it were
not for one thing" What is that?"
"It isn't." t."-Chicago Post.
II see that you're to leave the police
force at the first Of tile month, Tin.''
Eyer, sir. It's bad sleepin' out in win
ter"
'sThat young man is making name
for himself" whats his nameT
'Lyznwinskie." well, I don't blame
him."-New York Sun.
Bacon-Do you suppose 1t was
modesty that prompted the author to
withhold his name from that pocml
Egbert-No, think 1t was prudence.
"Therew said the Lady, pointing to
the woodpdle, chow does that strike
your Madam" responded Mr.. Per-
ry Patehc, IT never saw the like
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Frank-These young widows have an
advantage over you girls, because they
know all about men. May-Yes; and
because the only men who know all
about them are dead.-Puck.
Teacher-What do we learn from the
story Of Samson? Tommy with un-
pleasant results still manifest)-
1t doesn't pay ter have women folks
cut feller's hair.-Brooklyn Life.
Customer-Is the cashier in? Clerk
Yes; he's in. Where Is he?
Clerk-In Canada. Customer-Is the
proprietor in? Clerk-No; he's out.
Customer-How much Chicago News.
Il understand you have Joined the
literary brotherhood" EYES," replied
Lovelace, II am now writing for liv-
ing" And he dashed off another beg
ging letter to his father. Strand Mag
azine.
Miss Singer-I wonder If that rich
uncle Of mine remembered me wnen
he made his will? used to sing for
him. Mr.. Law-I'm sure he must have.
He hasn't left you anything. Yonkers
Statesman.
Customer-How comes it, sir, that
when ask for number five shoe, you
give me number seven? Shoemaker
Why, my dear sir, you'll be so proud
Of those shoes that your feet will swell.
-Harper's Weekly.
Jasper-What do you think Howells
meant when he spoke about one Of his
characters being "hen-minded" wom-
an? Jumpuppe-Oh, guess he meant
that she never thought about anything
except her own set.-Judge.
''Why did she get divorce from her
husbandY' asked the New York wom-
an who was visiting in Chicago. ''Why,
there was no one she could get di-
vorce from, was thereY was the sur
prised reply.-New York World.
'It is the nature Of a child to be
wanting to do something" said the en-
thusiastic kindergartener. "As far as
I have noticed, said the mother Of six,
ut is the nature of child to be want
Ing to do something else" Cincinnati
Enquirer.
"These shoes you sold me last week
squeak so that they keep me awake
nights" said the customer, entering
the shoe store. my dear sir" replied
the shoe dealer, reassurdngly, you
shouldn't sleep in them" Yonkers
Statesman.
Bacon-Let me shake your hand,
dear boy. This is one Of the happiest
days of your life. Egbert- You're too
previous, old man. I'm not to be mar
ried until tomorrow. Bacon-Thats
what I say. This is one Of the hap
piest days Of your life.
. "No man ever obtained anything
worth having without working for it."
said Mrs. Bickers to her husband, who
was in a discouraged mood. THAT'S
so," replied Mr.. Bickers, redectively.
II remember that obtained you with
out the slightest difficulty"
Mrs. Hunt IA popular and prosperous
pauper)-Now, Albert, what'll yer sy,
when l tike yer into the kind lidy's
drorin' room? Albert "a proficient pu-
piD-Oh, all right. know-put on
beautiful lorst look, and sy, "Oh, muv-
yer. Is this 'eaYen Punch.
Mr.. Binks (after an absence)-And
30 you shot burglar while here and
unprotected. You are clever little
woman. What became Of him? Mrs.
Binks-The other burglar carried him
off. Mr.. Binks-What other burglar?
Mrs. Binks-The one aimed at.
man." said the severe lady Of the
house, imam, don't you know that you
have no right to be poor? Economy is
wealth" Eyes, ma'am, sure" replied
Never Workmuch, that's right. I'm
making a good beginnin' ON economy,
too. I amt used any soap nor wasted
no water for tree months"
Mother-Mali, I wish you'd never go
to Frau Hofrathin's housel Daughter