Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1898-08-05


ans love accomplish y'-Philadelphia
North American.
Dear Bargains.-Kirby (gloomily(-
Wheat went down from LOS to 94c
today. Mrs KIRBY thought you men
didn't believe In bargain days.-Truth.
Giles-I just heard that Hawkins re-
ferred to me as perfect idiot. Smiles
| oh. don't mind what Hawkins says; he
always exaggerates more or less CHI
cago News.
Citizen-Unless my eyes deceive me,
you are the party / gave ten cents to
yesterday. Beggar-I am, sir. Did you
think dime would make new man Of
me ?-Truth.
.'Of course" observed the thin wheel
man, water won't run up hill"
"Well," replied the fat wheelman, who
was still putting and blowing, II don't
blame it."-Puck.
Briggs Was the Boston girl pleased
when you proposeda Griggs- Immense
~. she said that in twenty minutes
straight talk I didn't make one gram
NAUTICAL error.-Life.
Millie-Why do you never speak to
Mr.. Marbles now2 He Is uncouth, but
I feel sure he is diamond in the rough.
Clara SO do I. That's why I'm cut
ting him. Boston Globe.
He-Have you heard Of this new cure
Tor nervous prostration? The patient
| Is not allowed to talk. She I'D just as
soon die from prostration as exaspera-
ton. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Hiram-Hurry up, Mandy, an git
away from this buildin'. Mandy
What's yer hurry, Hi? Hiram (chuck-
ling)- The Teller In the elevator forgot
to collect our fares Truth.
George, dear, you remember that
lovely sideboard that was SO cheap?
Well. I've discovered plan to make
room for it" How, my dear =, by
taking larger Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Quiverful-Do you know, dear,
that think the baby sometimes cries
In her sleep7 Mr.. Quiverful tsavagely)
II don't know about that, but know
she often cries in mine.- Pick Me-Up.
Application am very much afraid
that our friend Mr.. Fritters lacks APP
plication," remarked the business man.
mot at all" replied the friend. He
applies to me for q loan once week
regularly. Washington Star.
Excited Lady Cat telephone)-I want
my husband, please, at once. Voice
from the exchanged Number, pleased
Excited Lady (snappishly) Only the
fourth, you impudent thing. Boston
Globe.
Scorcher They say TINT it has bad
effect on the brain to ride with your
head down between the handle-bars.
Sprocket-Don't you believe word Of
It. The men who ride that way
haven't any brain to be affected. Bos-
ton Transcript.
A young Englishman, being asked at
dinner whether he would have some
bird's-nes pudding. said to the hostess:
"Ah, yes; birds nest pudding. And
what kind of bird may have made it?'
"Oh, 1t was the cook-coo made IL" was
the prompt reply.
"You are advertising quite early in
the year." said the summer-resort land
lords friend. 'Yes; / always ak up
my announcements at this time Of year.
You see, am a thoroughly conscien-
tious man, and wish to be able to
state that there are no mosquitoes. -
Washington Star.
E@SAIiss Homework Charley Brushton
told me that was looking pretty this
morning. Miss Point Breeze That isn't
what he told me he said to you. What
did he sayT HE said he told you that
you were looking ais pretty as ever
lRittsburg Chronicle.
| The Judge believe l shall leave It
tto-syou this time. About how many
days do you think ought to give you7
tsPerry Patettic Honest, your honor, 1
don't just know. Do you think 1t Is
kgoin' to be an early spring or. late
one r Cincinnati Enquirer.
Z Wayworn Watson-Here Is one OF
these story writer's who says in the pa
pers that genius Is nothing but hard
work. Perry Patettic- Nothin' but hard
work? And to think that used to
have a great respect for them fellers
who could wrNe!-C Cincinnati Enquirer.
II understand that you have been
called to another charge" said the IN
terviewer. NO." said ne minister,
who had been struggling along at the
tail end OF the little church debt, by
the blessdng. Of Providence this Is cash
situation that ."-Indianapoli
Journal.
It Would Be Costly.-He watched the
pompous man getting measured for
suit of clothes. "It's an excellent
thing" he said at last, ''that mans