Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-03-06
THE IDLER THINKS sELF-INFIA-
TON A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
FOOT YOUR HORN LONG AND LOUDLY
You Can't he a Whale Unless You
spout Among the Minnows-Ances-
trail Rabies and Pride of Fore
fathers.
fathers.

nice things said about them-on theii
tombstones. But in real life the fellow
who tooteth not his own horn generally
finds himself. sooner or later. the under
dog in the fight; and. what Is more, the
other dog is invariably the canine thai
gets the bone. In Aesop's fables we read
about frog that undertook to pun him.
self up as big as a bull. and as con-
sequence OF this self-infiation he "bust'--
il L may use this vuigarly expressive
word to accurately convey an idea of his
fate. But the conditions have changed
since the days when Aesop hammered
his now obsolete pattern of typewriter,
and in our heart of hearts we know that
If that frog could DO resurrected and
have another chance at self-infiation, he
would soon have the bull thinking that
he was much the bigger quadruped Of the
two. The public loves so dearly to be
bamboozled and swindled, and 1t gulps at
the bait offered by the fellow who isn't
accused Of modesty, while the shy, timid
.chap who generally waits out on the
curb-stone, has hard time to so much
as get his name in the city directory.
And. even IL he does get it there, It's
printed in small type, while the indi-
vidual with the cheek is immortalized IN
letters as big as your hand. For my part.
am tired Of being modest, and hence
forth I am resolved to lead better life
to cause folk to believe that l am the
only pebble on the beach, and that Nc
Kinley and his Cabinet never make
move on the international chess-board
without first receiving my views on the
subject If 1 persist i'm these views OF
myself-at present / am peculiarly unique
in my opnions-by and by some nonenti.y
will come over to my way Of thinking,
and then others will follow, until | get
to be q colossus whom people will be
proud to know 1t takes time to grow
from nothngness into Importance, and
I've got to commence at the very bottom,
but, sooner or later the little minnows
will begin to nibble and after them will
come the big fish.
At first, l shall only ask the papers 10
put me al among those present at the
various functions OF our miserably paved
but later on / shall expect
my movements to be closely watched and
my visits to neighboring towns to be
noted among the personals. Next, shall
demand that my views on important
ubjects--exempli gratia, whether the
Maine was blown up from the outside or
asked, and following that /
shall expect to hear that 1 am mention
ed for the Common Council" AS soon
as a man is mentioned for public Office
even though he does all the mentioning"
himself, then the public begin to prick
their ears and prepare to gulp the most
alluring bait that is offered them. Doubt
less shall decline TO run for the Council
there being no money in it,, but / shall
not fail to let the world know that /
spurned the overtures Of my admiring
constituents. After that 1 propose to get
mixed up, as instigator. in an investiga-
ton OF some sort, and, possibly, I may
even decline to be interviewed when the
call to see me. In declining.
however, / shall not lose the opportunity
OF getting my name in the papers, but
shall make mysterious hints and ominous
threats without exactly knowing myself
at what l am limiting, or what / am
threatening. BY this time the gullble |
eager TO take a man at his |
own estimate, If he places a high value |
)n himself-will whisper about me as | |
come in church and chunk each other I'm
their short ribs at every movement l |
make. |
They'll say: There must be something
ing about him. Where there's so much |
smoke there must be some fire." A few |
who know me and take me as my true |
worth mothing) will at first be much |
amused at my ACKNOWLEDGMENT. and will |
drop around, as they say, "to hear me
blow" but if l blow" sufficiently long |
md loudly they, too, will become con- /
ginced. And lastly, when the public ac-
me as a great man. I'll begin |
10 think so myself and ere the sun sets |
on my glory l will be as a spouting |
whale among a shoal Of tadpoles. Tall
rees from little acorns grow.
Ancestral rabies now prevail TO an ex-
ent equalled only by our thirst for gold
rather, notorious
are as much TO be desired as
per cent dividends. Every day we are
,oing into permanent organizations for |
,erpetuating and mobllizing the offspring
" by-gone celebrities, or classes OF cele-
)rities. Yesterday We heard Of the
Daughters Of Evolution, and to-day It Is
he Sons Of the Thirteenth Century
,haingang. while tomorrow it will be
he Society of the Ancient order of Hold
carriers. No matter what the ancestor
lid, provided he is sufficiently ancient
nd has a name or calling that sounds
zig and pompous. With these Qualihca-
ions, ne can look down from high |
feaYen, il he happens to be there, and
axe on thousands who claim TO be his
cions. He will behold presidents, COM
handlers, regents, vice-regents, moguls.
rand high muckahucks, and what not
Who are gloating I'm the belief that his
lood flows through their veins. Perhaps
he ancient gentleman will recall the fact
nat he wasn't married. and, therefore, |
;n't legally entitled TO representation on
arth. but this little bar-sinister incident
gil not cut any figure with his Off
is, supposng the incident is
followed by the lapse OF years. In fact,
his species OF rabies, which so far is
onfined entirely 10 people, and has not
ct broken out among CANNES, requires
quality which is likewise requisite for
he good standing of whiskey-to wit, a
beral ingredient or old age. And yet
l the face OF all these facts, the lovers
I ancient things and especially of over
Ipe royalty, recently received a shock in
,ondon which was like unto the concus-
ion from an exploding torpedo At a
ale Of curios, three Egyptian mummies
.wo kings and a QUEEN only brought
10. although they were 2,l00 years old
nd duly authenticated by properly certi-
ed documents Think OF IL, ladies and
entlemen. Pause and reflect, o! Daugh-
ers of Evolution; stop and cogitate. ye
ons of the Thirteenth Century Chain
ang. Hearken unto the tidings, ye
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III