The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1898-07-23
A GREAT GAME.
Plenty of Sport at Garfield This
Afternoon

A1BSIIOOu.
Responding TO the command of Manager
Human, OF the o. S. l.. Fats" W. J.
McCleland in a Spencerian style of pen
manship. declares his willingness 10 par
ticipate in today's game OF baseball in
the following language:
Mr., II. w. Human. Manager Fats
Baseball Team, o. S. L.:
Sir-Your important communication of
the 10th inst. at hand and duly noted.
The Unlimited gall of these slab-sided,
knock-kneed. iabberwocks who insist on
calling themselves ball players is amaz-
ING. That such Il set of splinters should
set themselves the task of meeting us-the-
noted-champlons is simply prepOsterous,
and l heartily agree with you that they
should be heavily set upon.
As the gentlemen of evident Spanish
procliVitieS show such abnormal capacity
for wind, regardless of their shadowy
presences, it VIII be well. l feel. 10 teach
them = lesson which will be of lasting
good and which may start them from
their narrow ways. and allow expansion
ically.
But this letter has not in it one 1.-THE of
the sarcasm which attaches to the follow
ing communication indited by The man
brethren of slim proportions:
Oregon Short Line Headquarters,
salt Lake City, Utah, July q, 1898.
Mr.. c. Z. n. Terfield:
-.-ieve TO note that the suDerabund-
ance of adicose tissue. which has caused
many % our fellow clerks to become OBJ
symmetrical friends has at last proven
menace to their mental as well as their
physical health by reason of the extern
sion OF fatty growth to their cerebral
cavities, resulting in the development of
depiorable specimens of the genus
''fat-head.'
As their physicians recommend for them
violent exercise. followed by severe
mental shock, l urgently request that
each Adonis, to whom a copy of his
notice may be addressed report to the
undersigned at Garfield Beach. Saturday,
July %, that we may permit our scow-
butt friends 10 exude sundry gobs of
grease while they disport themselves on
the diamond after the manner of their
kind. This will not only afford us much
amusement. but insure TO our afflicted
brethren the necessary exercise while the
severe mental shock viii be afforded
them when they sufficiently recover to
gaze upon the score.
Traces Of their mental weakness are dis
tnguishabld in the wording of their
circular letter to suffering fat-heads; note
reference to ash and sheenskin'' which
would indicate that they intend minglng
with us rs wolves in Sleeps clothing, a
very baa-d Interpretation of Bible teach
l particularly desire that every courtesy
and consideration shall be shown our op-
ponents. and no advantage taken of their
mental and physical conoition. but at the
same time our own interests must be safe
would suggest the following rules be
adopted:
Fat men" will be allowed 10 catch
balls in their hats.
ANY ball caught by a Fat man. on
first bound. will be considered out.
3-'Fat men" viii only be allowed TO
bring one nursing bottle each for their
personal use.
Each Fat man" must be accompa-
MED by parent or guardian, or bring a
note from his Ma"
5-AIi socks removed by Fat men must
not be deposited in dressing rooms un-
less accompanied by 4 board of health
certificate. and must in ali instances be
properly chained and muZzled.
6-Sweet milk will be served Fat men,
every 90 minutes.
mo beer or other Intoxicating bever-
age shall be furnished Fat men" under
penalty of the law regarding minors, in
sane or other irresponsible persons"
S--NtTses accompanying Fat men" will
be furnished with seats on the ground or
permitted 10 climb a tree.
.9-No Fat man must be kicked more
than four times in the same place.
10-All ears bitten from Fat men, must
be deposited with the umpire. where they
can be readily identified by owners.
+. n. HESS, Manager.
Note-Rule may be suspended as it
has been learned that none of the Fat
men" wear socks.
The game viii he well attended. The
mana cement of the Short Line has decid-
ed to close the Offices at u today. in order
to give all the boys q chance to go down
and see the game. The employees appre-
concessions like these which engender a
spirit of loyalty in the breasts of the
clerks and attaches. and make them will
ing to work away into the night. if need
be in order to keep up with the work Of
me office. The 2:l5 train this afternoon
viii be Immensely crowded.
The umpire has not yet been selected.
but viii have to be man Of medium
height. so he can wear the suit of armor
which has been bought for him by the two
teams.