The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-04-20
HUMOROUS.

Gladys-Do you think Charley
means business? May cant tell
yet; but I'm afraid he only means
poetry.
Hooplar--Do you know anything
about the origin Of the American In
dian? Highlow-No; I've never taken
any interest in race tracks.
Reporter = Madam Gostwok, tho
spiritualist, does an enormous busi-
ness. Publisher - That's because
she's such n good advertising medi-
nm.
She-It's funny, but all the time
I've known Mr.. Tigg he has never
paid me a compliment. Hc--Thats
not strange. Tigg never pays any
body.
She-I don't like the preachers who
read their sermons from manuscript.
He-1 do. II man writes his ser
mons he is more likely to realize their
length.
She-I know am not the first girl
you ever loved. Well-er--at
least you are the first girl ever
bought more than $17 worth OF pres
ents for.
All these schemes for taxing bach
elors with a view to driving them into
matrimony are wrong. More men get
married now than wives can comfort
ably support.
Farmer-I say, John, what do you
call pineapple-a fruit or vegeta-
BILE? Waiter "A pineapple amt nei-
ther, gentlemen. A pineapple is al
ways a hextra.
'T'm something Of mind reader"
he said, as they sat on opposite sides
OF the room. 81 think not" she re-
piled, as her eyes ostentatiously meas
ured the distance between them.
'There Didn't tell you wednes-
day was my lucky day?" 'Tn what
wny has fortune favored you?"
why, there goes Cholly Softly, and
he has passed us without seeing u.s."
Jasper-What do you think will be
the last conflict before the millennium
comes? Jumpuppe-ft will be the
one in which the contest is settled
what daily paper has the largest cir
culation.
'Ts it not fact that enlightened
laws have had tire effect of increasing
the span of life?" Hardly. OF
course, murderers live longer, but,
on the other hand, there are the mur-
dered, you see."
"My grandfather, said the shoe
clerk boarder, "once knew an old man
who insisted that the ghosts came and
MIXED his cows every night" "Sort
Of milkin' specters, eh?" commented
the Cheerful idiot.
Adelbert-I cawn't say that I'm
feeling nachuwal this evening; I got
beashly cold in my head, dontyer.
know? Geraldine-Never mind, Addy.
Don't grumble. Even if it's only a
cold, it's something.
Miss Thirtysmith (meaningly}-An
italian proverb says that "honest men
marry soon," and Jack Swift (sol-
emnly)-I cannot conceal it any long
err; live in deadly fear of being at
any moment arrested for embezzle-
ment
She e-Our minister will exchange
pulpits next Sunday with the Rev. Mr..
Talkington. He-Yes? An exchange
of pulpits seems to me great deal
like horse trade. II is hard to tell
which congregation is going to get the
worst of it.
Outshone-"We've got man in our
town." said the passenger with the
red clay on his boots, "who hos voted
at seventeen presidential elections"
"Ho!" was the scornful reply Of the
passenger with the faded red muffler.
"We've got q man our town that's
read all the messages"
miss Wigglesworth thinks she's
eligible to the Order of the Crown.
She's sure she can truce her lineage
back TO one of the English sover-
eigns." "How far has she got?"
"She told me yesterday she had
struck bar sinister" "That's right.
Her great-grandfather was bar