Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1898-02-03
Falling Down Stairs.

The Bookman has an interesting ar
ticle on Artemus Ward, dealing at
considerable length with his expert
ences in London. When he made his
first appearance in that city he en-
riched his programmes with note ex-
planning that he would call on citizens
at their residences and explain any
Jokes that they did not understand
and it is said that there was reason
enough in such an offer, IN view Of the
fact that John Bright, the eminent
statesman, was reported to have re-
marked after attending one of the
humorist's performances:
II must say can see what people
find to enjoy in this lecture. The in
formation is meager, and is presented
in desultory, disconnected manner
In fact, I can't help seriously ques-
tioning some of his statements.
Artemus Ward was fond of telling
stories and jokes at his own expense
and he had a habit when upon the
lecture platform of purposely laugh
ing at his own awkardness, hut he had
one experience that he never referre d
to. During part Of the time that he
lived in Cleveland he lived at fash
ionablc clearinghouse on Seneca
street, and was in the habit ofcutting
up all sorts of capers there, to the
amusement, sometimes, but as often to
the CONSERVATION, of the other board
ers, most of whom looked upon him as
half baked fool
One of his favorite Jokes was to
scare women nearly to death by pre-
tending to fall down stairs. The par
lor where the boarders congregated
was connected by large arch with
the hall, where the stairway was'
practically making one big room o
both. Every time new boarder or
stranger happened to be present, Mr..
Browne, as he was known around the
house, would cough at the top Of the
stairway to attract attention, then
pretend to trip on something and then
go tumbling headlong downward, al
ways managing to catch the railing and
thus escape injury, The women would,
of course, yell and make great fuss
over him when he picked himself up,
and he would generally manage to get
off some droll remark that would set
everybody laughing.
But this sort of thing got tiresome
after while, and one day some of the
men boarder, decided to stop it. A
young lady had just arrived at the
house, and it was foregone conclu-
sion that Browne would take his Gus
tomary tumble at the first opportuni-
ty. So, promising the landlady that
they would have things properly re-
paired after the trouble was over, the
ioker's enemies sawed the spindles in
the balustrade almost in two, leaving
the rail SO that slight wrench would
break it loose.
That evening all the boarders con-
gregated in the parlor, the newly ar
rived young lady, who had been let
into the secret, among them. They
didn't have long to wait for their VIC
tim. In passing up to his room, Browne
saw that a stranger was present. and
after making his toilet he started to
90 down stairs. He coughed loudly
several times while passing through
the upper hall, and then, when he saw
that everybody was looking at him.
stumbled and shot out into the air.
But when he grasped the rail of the
bslustrade there was a sharp crack,
followed by crash, and the man who
afterward became famous as A. Ward,
lay stunned at the bottom of the stairs,
with skinned elbow and bleeding
nose.
That ended the stairway joke, and
Browne soon moved to another board
ing-house.
Belair, hio, was the scene of
novel elopement Thursday evening.