El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-11-02

all the loose money out of my trousert
pockets L was still cropping for stray
coins when TupmOre came out, and ex-
planned that / had dropped something"
/ didn't like to mention the COW. Then
we walked round the farm. My friend del
uged me with inventions, which / duti-
fully admired. Some of them were really
puerile, some incomprehensible, and L
couldn { help thinking, when we inspected
the pigstes, that he might well turn his
attention to producing patent" porker
that would consume its own evil odors
About O'Clock an unearthly hooting
disturbed the rural calm.
That's my siren" said Tupmore. Il
had it fitted to the kitchen boiler to call
me in when I'm on the farm. 1 expect it
means afternoon tea or n visitor. -
The siren was not pleasing at dis
tance. At close quarters it was simply
fiendish. 1t performed about ten times a
day during my visit, generally when was
indoors, and has made mo partia ly, and,
I'm afr aid, permanently, deaf in one ear
The house bristled with unpleasant sur
prises If 1 moved an innocent looking
chair, out came N pair of slippers or n
book from some hidden receptacle in the
seat, and if l pulled Il seeming bell handle
it gave way, and down fell a flap, disclos-
ing ridiculous recess in the wall, of no
earthly use to any one but II kleptomaniac
or a magple.
When | went To bed, l had inventive
Nightmares. In the small hours a clock
on the landing struck hundred or two
and was only deferred from further efforts
by Tupmore, who afterward came in to
apologize. He explained that the clock
was a repeater connected by wire with
his bedroom, so that he could make it
strike the hour If he woke in the dark,
which, as he owned, he never did. "ThOse
w ,ippr fnDlinU about
over the wires, - he said. "They do some
times"
asked him If he had ever thought of
inventing n really efficient mousetrap. OF
course he hadn't done anything SO sensi-
BILE.
Early in the morning was violently
aroused by the commeBcement of the fol
lowing programme:
g q. m.-Siren-
6:3O.-Ditto; also patent pumping
operations, the pipes being conveyed
through the wall at the head of my bed.
Siren
7:15.-Maohinery in motion just below
NV yyipdow-s'patent'' coffee grinding, or
some nonsense
7:30.-Siren.
After that got no. L fully expected to
have my shaving wsster pumped up to the
dressing table or projected through trap
door in the floor and was both surprised
and relieved when it was delivered In the
usual way. II was the looking glass
that put the finishing touch to my distaste
for inventions. 1t was at the wrong angle
for my puny stature aud refused to bulge
when / tried to adjust it. So proceeded
to shave, standing on my portmanteau-
! At a critical moment / must have pressed
on some beastly patent" catch. for the
| glass turned complete somersault and
made me SO giddy that L gashed my chin.
| The cut was a trifle, but in a weak NO
ment 1 consented to try some patent"
| ointment that my friend had invented.
/ That vile preparation caused my face to
J swell in a painful and utterly undignified
| manner, and the worst of it is that / am
still more or less disfigured. look like a
low comedian made up for a farce, and
! haven't quite decided whether shall sna