The daily morning journal and courier., 1898-09-05
THE IRISH BULL" MARKET.

Some of the most amusing of these
 blunders spring from misunderstand- ings of words or terms. A proposal was
 once made ill the Limerick Corporation
 to introduce gondolas on the River
 Shannon, in the expectation that they
 would prove attractive to tourists. One
 of the good "city fathers" deprecated,
 on the ground of expense, the idea of
 ordering a dozen. "It would be
 enough,' he said, ito get a pair of thim,
 and let thim breed" A very quaint req
 son was advanced by domestic ser-
 want for thinking that the place she
 was in was in every way desirable.
 Are yez in good place, Mary?" asked
 one of her friends. "Oh, mighty foine
 place, entirely" she replied. "shure
 me mistress Is So rich that all her f1an-
 mel petticoats is made of silkV' Look
 at that, nowl" exclaimed the other in
 amazement. Here Is a 'bull' from the
 nursery. That's a terrible noise in the
 nursery. Molly" said the mistress.
 Whats the matter? Can't you keep the baby quiet?" "Shure, ma 'am," re- piled Molly T can't keep him quiet un- less let him make a noise." And, af- ter all, knowing, as we do, the contra riness of babies, Molly was right. An other Irish domestic was told that her | master, a clergyman, was going to
 Larne to preach, Coin to larn to
 prache?" she exclaimed, her knowl-
 edge of the geography of her native
 land being limited, "Faix, he larned to
 prache long ago." An English gentle
 man travelling through County Wex- c. Sr1 tr nr1 oy,H tn take him across. The water being
 rather more agitated than was agreea- ble to him, he asked the hpatman If any person was ever lost on the passage. "Niver," replied the boatman. My brother was drowned here last week, but we found him nixt day" I heard another amusing instance of literal ac- curacy at the Parnell commission in | 1882 A peasant who was examined in | regard to a certain boycotted farm was asked by counsel: "Is the farm va | cant now?" "No; it's stocked with a | caretaker and two policemin," was the reply But the most amusing 'bull" | for which we are indebted to that com
 mission Is the philosophic axiom of the | witness who admitted that he ran away on one occasion when revolver was | presented at him, Better" said he "to | bs coward for five minutes than dead | all your lifetime!" At meeting of branch of the Agricultural Organiza- | tion society, held recently in Tipperary, | a speaker said: "I'm a poor workin' | farmer and 'tis with the greatest diffi- | culty can make the two ends of the candle meet' A delightful mixed met aphor, truly The wife of a we'll known landlord Tn CaVan directed the steward of the estate to purchase SOW 1 of particular size and description at | a local fair. On his return he burst into the drawing room, where the lady was entertaining some guests, pro- claiming with satisfaction he could not suppress, i've been to the fair, me | lady, and I've got SOW exactly of your | ladyshipes size and description"
 There are bulls in action as well as | bulls" In expression. These blunders are really due to mental sluggishness; | they are committed by hare-brained in | dividuals, but they have often the saw | ing grace of humor. I remember read-
 ing in speech delivered by Lord Duff l ferin many years ago a very laugha- ble story of blunder of this character. On his estate in County Down there
 was an old historic ruin, formerly
 stronghold of the O'Neills, who ruled
 over that part of Ulster. Anxious that
 this interesting survival of a historic
 past should be preserved, on the eve of
 his departure for India as viceroy, he
 summoned his steward, and gave him | directions to build a wall around the
 ruin at certain distance, in order to
 keep out tresspassers, for the local | peasantry, if they wanted stone to re-
 pair gap in a pg-stye or a wall were | accustomed to resort to the old castle | for the material That being done, l Dord Dufferin set off on his mission to l India, feeling secure of the preserva-
 tion of this ancient monument. On his
 return home, several years after, he 1 found to his amazement that the old castle had disappeared, and in it's place was circular wall enclosing nothing. | Sending for the steward he demanded | to know why his orders had not been
 carried out. The steward insisted that what he had ordered had been done. But where is the castle?" asked the | marquis. "The casth!e, me Lord?'' re- peated the steward. That ould thing. Shure, pulled it down to build the wall wid! Do ye want me to be goin' miles for materials with the finest stones in Ireland beside me?" In telling the man
 to build the wall, his lordship had said
 nothing about the preservation of the castle. The neglect of that little de- tail made all the difference in the world. At fire in the town of Longford, | man who had been aroused from sleep
 by the alarm had only time to slip on his trousers and jump from the win dow. In his flight and hurry he had
 unconsciously pulled on the garment
 wrong side foremost, with an effort
 which, when he recovered his equilibri- | um after the jump. excited his profound consternation. Are you hurt?" asked
 a bystander. "No," he replied with a ! culver in his voice, but I'm afraid I'm fatally twisted"
 Dublin optician advertised pair of spectacles by the aid of which any person could easily read the finest print. A countryman called at the shop one
 day to be fitted with pair. After he
 mad looked hard through the spectacles
 at the open book which had been set before him he declared that he could
 not make out the printed page. Anoth- CT pair of spectacles of stronger pow