Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1898-04-27
HuMoR OF THE DAY.

tant." standard.
'sIn the case of many suspected
murderer the innocent often suffer-"
"Shake! You've been on jury, toe
have you?"-JudSe.
Wifey-"If I had my life to live
over again I wouldn't marry the best
man alive!" Hubby-"Quite right
wouldn't ask you"-Standard.
Friend-'I understand the vermi-
form appendix is of no use." Doctor
Nonsense! It has been q gold
mine to the medical profession. -
Puck.
He-sI saw Miss Scorcher get
bad fall from her bicycle the other
day." She-"What did you do?"
He-"I offered her pin. ."-Atchison
Globe.
Florenz-"Here comes my Hans.
The dear boy says I am always in his
thoughts. Marie-"Well, he GER
tsinly looks as if he had weight on
his mind. a--Standard.
"Would it be right to call house,
mover shoplifter?" asked the ambi-
tious boodler. Hardly" said As
bury Peppers. "He is apt. to be
housebreaker, though. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
The chief difference between the
man with lot of new-made money
and the gentle zephyr" said the Corn
fed Philoscp pher, ''is that the gentle
zephyr blows itself quietly. In
dianapolis Journal.
The Dun--"I hope you won't be
offended if remind you that we are
very much in need of the money!"
The Dunned--"Not at all. II any
body's going to be offended it is your
SELF Boston Transcript.
Lady Guest Ito hostess-"Really,
I couldn't eat another hot roll, dear.
I don't know how many I've had al
ready" Freddy Sitting opposite
"I do; you've eaten eight! I've been
counting. boston Globe.
First College Girl-"What is to be
the title of your graduation essay9"
Second College Girl" Beyond the
Alps Lies Italy What's the title OF
yours?" First College Girl-"Be-
yond the altar lies the washtub. -
Judge. !.
Mrs. Decree-t'The newspapers are
very discriminating" Her Friend
"Why so, dear?" Mrs. Decree
ctThey publish columns about my
divorce suit, and now they don't say Q
IsRord about second marriage ~ orth
American.
Mamma Ito Tommy, who is taking
his first lesson in reading) )-"What's
the difference between comma and
period?" Tommy comma,
mamma, is o dot with a tail hanging
to it, while q period is just plain
dot" ."-Judge..
E. Matilda, I wish you would ask
that young Mr.. Peters to have his
cuff buttons replated." "Why.
mamma, what do you mean?" ".They
seem to leave black streaks on the
back of your shirt waist every even
ng."-Standard.
sThe trouble with you,' said Mr..
Ruffedge's wife after warm debate,
'is that you are confirmed dyspep-
TIC" "No, my dear, was the answer,
CHATS not correct. The trouble with
me is that I am a contradlcted
dyspeptic. Washington Star.
sYou shall be queen of my home,"
said young Mr. Northside, enthusiasts
tically, when Miss Perrysville had
given her promise to marry him. "I'd
rather be the chancellor of the e1-
chequer, George, DEAR" replied the
practical maiden.--Pittsburg Ohron-
icle.
Little Dot-"Oh, mamma, the organ
grinders monkey is at the window,
an he has little round box in his
hand" Mamma "Well, my pet,
what do you think he wants?" Little
Dot latter glance at the organ grind
er)--''I dess he wants to borrow some
soap"
"Habberjohn doesn't seem to have
very lovable nature" "Weil, no:
If Habberjohn were at banquet and
some one should discover that there
were thirteen at the table, all eyes
would instinctively turn toward HUB
berjohn as the one to go."-ln-
dianapolis Journal.
"Young man, this is the third time
this week you have come to take my
daughter sleighriding. If you pay
cash for the horses and sleigh it means
either lunacy or bankruptcy, and If
YOU don't it means that you are a
dead beat" "I own the livery stable,
SIR" 'That's different. Chicago
Tribune.
Amt Sarah las she lays aside her
bonnet )-':Weren't those flowers that
they had at Jane Newcomb's funeral
handsome, Eben? 1t does seems
though some folks just have every
thing. Now I s'pose they'll have
monum ,nt with angels on it, or some
thing. But let them just wait; our
turn'll come some time, see II 1t
don't. Judge.
Juneau Jake-"So the boys lynched
old Chilkoot Sam? Why, he was
harmless old critter! Couldn't tell gold
dust from brown sugar. Whatd ne
done?" Placer Pete-"Why. one night
last week, when it was freezin' the
lamp blazes so that q feller could take
EN- and use em fer whet-stones, that
driveling old chilblain said it remind
ed him of a cold New Years day back
in the sixties. Puck.
rireproof Curtains. -