Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1898-12-24
ALARM CLOCK.
tie. N. M.


-
1t was always the hardest thing in tho
world Cor me to do to wake up early.
Eight consecutive mornings did | try to
get up at 5 O'Clock in order to reach a GER
tain train that should take NE to Phila-
delphia, where business awaited my pres
ence. The earlier went to bed tho later
| slept, and / began to feel demoralized
myself. At all events, l felt ashamed of
myself.
l consulted with and opened my heart to
a friend Of the name of Snapper. He is
a sympathizing cuss, especially where it
costs him nothing Snapper suggested
that | buy al alarm clock to assist my
lack OF animal yeast.
l took ;'nappcr's advice and bought one.
The man who sold it gave me lessons in
operating it without extra charge. l could
see through it like a hole in Il board fence.
All you had to do was simply to whirl u
little whecl-a-ma-gig around until q GER
tain figure pointed to the hour on the dial,
the one which you wished to be bounced
out at, and everything was serene.
l bought that clock in the evening, TN.
beknown to my family, and, thinking l
had Il sweet, sure thing on being awak-
ened at the proper hour, l fingered with
some friends in front Of q julep reservoir.
So it was past 10 when l got home, and
everybody was asleep.
My angelic motber-in-law had escaped
the perils of smallpox, cholera, etc, and
had arrived that day to stay with us for
a few days" Heaven, what a number of
INV, 81 t,1-,, l., 4. lSea--,y ...yl
that mother-in-law!
Well, her long journey had tired her out,
and she, too, had gone to bed. Entering
softly, l deposited my clock on the table
that stood at the head of our bed. Then l
"set her." after which l carefully placed
myself horizontally in my little bed, max
ing no disturbance, for l dislike lectures,
and was soon lost to everything in the
shape of fear or anxiety.
What a blessed thing sleep is, especially
when you are not afraid and know you
are all right about getting up! 1t will be
observed that l pause to lnoralize.
Well, | had really got sleep on the brain.
l was tinctured with it clear through.
But there is not the slightest Use of moral.
izing or describing any further, and l will
come to the point at once.
In the dead watch and middle of the
night l was rudely awakened by ii fierce
and agoniziug yell fs,o,n the Partner Of nay
bed. Not only that, but l had the breath
nearly knocked out Of my body by the
said partner throwing herself upon me il
her frantic endeavors to get out of that
bed. | felt something was loose.
AS soon as my senses were revived 1
heard tho fno rfIIlnct ,ottlo tn Jor,, :, ,J;,.,,4
te-dong putter-te-elick-wh
mingled with the wild shouts and groans
of my wife. l vas entirely %coufoundcd
myself. She yelled murder! Thieves!
Police!' and, with lettering steps, she
made for the adjoining bedroom, where
her mother was. l followed in terror my
self, for as yet had not sufficiently come
to my senses to know what the deuce 1t
was all about anyhow.
That mother-in-la leaped from her
dreams, from her bed, and, seeing me
tremblingly trying to quiet her daughter,
she at once concluded that / was trying to
murder her and came for me tooth and
nail. Then shouted then we all shouted,
and the uproar was heard in the street,
and murder was thought to be doing.
Still that awful racket was kept up in
my bedroom. The truth flashed over my
mind. had made IA mistake in setting
my alarm clock, and it had "gone off. "
rushed wildly for it. | placed it between
the feather bed and tho mattress, but still
it kept OH with its dcvilish racket. The
women also kept up theirs. l seized that
clock and rushed to the bathroom, and
there let a flood of water upon it in the
hope of silencing it, but all to no purpose.
While this confusion was going on with. |
in thep police had raped for assistance and
had gained admittance to the house. They
rushed up to our sleeping apartments and !
burst in the door.
Whats up? What's the row. Where |
is he?" said one of them.
My mother-in- law pointed them to the |
bathroom, where l was trying to drown |
that COMPOUNDED clock in a tub of water.
The officers drew their clubs and pistols !
and charged upon me. l mounted the |
tub and pointed to that clock, which was |
still dinging away like something possessed
of the devil.
what IS the meaning of all this row?'
l attempted to explain, but the voice Of
my mother-in-law was heard above all
words of mine.
Take him away, officers. He has been
trying to murder us both. Take him
In the meantime my vito had swooned. |
One of the officers went for that clock
with his club. He smashed it across tho
He welted it in the face. He dis |
located it's lower jaw. He crippled it's
hands. He knocked it out of time, but
still it ratified away, and it was not until
he had driven his No. 12 boot in among
Its liver and things that it finally caved in
and concluded to stop.
Silence being partially restored, l ex-
to the officers how the whole rum
pus was occasioned, and, SO far as they
were concerned, they were inclined to
laugh at the whole affair and leave us
alone, but my frightened mother-in-la lay
protested that ] had an undoubted attacE7l
Of the jimjams, as I had been drinking,
The said, II nothing short of my going
20 the station house would satisfy her.
angel of my household!
l dressed and went with them. I took
he remains of that alarm clock with me,
nd after explaining to the captain ali
bout it all hands joined in a hearty laugh
md passed the remainder of the night
luite pleasantly with a pack of cards and
bottle Of wine, but no more alarm clocks
or me-not any.-New York News.
He Got 1t.