Evening star., 1898-11-19
WHAT he WANTS TO KNOW

women who wear big hats at theaters have
of conducting themselves" asked the man
with the red flannel band around his neck
stiff and sore, he said, from twisting 1t
around on the previous night in order to
get an occasional glimpse of the fag ends
of the stage from behind an enormous pic
ture hat on the head of the woman in
front They've got different methods. you
know. While they all operate on the same
plane of selfishness, good many of EN-
perform their hat-wearing stunts different
ly. But, before going any further, want
to say that all this talk about the women
of Washington not wearing view-obscuring
hats at the theaters is the purest tommy
rot. 1t is true that lot of gentlewomen
of this town do remove their hats when
they take their seats in theaters, but 1t is
also true that a goodly number of women
who live here don't do any such thing.
How they can have the face, the nerve
Take the woman who wore the picture
hat in front of me last night. for example
She was about thirty-five or forty years
old, and she sat alongside pollywog-
looking jay who was probably her hus-
band. When she turned around, as she
often did, before the curtain went up, to
rubberneck around the house, L could see
that her face was hard. Well, when she
came in with the jellyfsh male thing who
acted her escort she had on big
huge black ostrict plumes sticking out from
the sides and top of it. 1t was just about
as big a lid as l ever saw on woman she
took seat directly in front OF me. IN
front of her and at her sides were any
number of gentlewomen who had removed
their hats and held them easily in their
laps, and mot having had a good look at
this woman's face) l felt sure she'd follow
suit but she didn't. l figured it then that
she was only delaying the removal of her
hat until the curtain went up; but the cur
tain went up and she still kept the hat on.
I was pretty hot by this time, but my heat
didn't cut any ice. The people who were
In line back of the hat and for half
a dozen rows were growing audlbiy, even
after the curtain went up, and | let out a
few pretty warm cracks myself about the
meanness of hlgh-hat wearing in places OF
amusement. | might have saved my breath.
L was too far away from the aisle to be
able to summon an usher to request him to
indicate to the female in front of me that
she was nothing short of a nuisance to a
lot of people who had coughed up their
good money to see the show, and | felt
like pulling the male joblot with her by
both ears at once and inviting him out in
front to have his face pushed in for per-
mitting himself to be seen in public with
such a-hat. L didn't want to raise a dis
turbance, however, so l had to grin and
bear it, as did the line of people back of
me- Now, do you know, the comedian on
the stage was making knocks all through
the piece about the high-hat-wearing fe-
male, and his hammering didn't have any
more effect upon this woman in front of
me than II the funny man had been deaf
and dumb. Say, isn't such gall as that
almost incredible. Can you figure out how
a woman could have the countenance-
Well, then there is the Notwithstanding
woman who just won't take her soaring lid
off. nohow, even when she's courteousiy
asked to do so. A couple of weeks ago l
was seated in the orchestra circle of one
Oh the best theaters in the town, when
f,rf
off last night staggered in with a male
gnat at her side. She had a tremendous,
gaudy hat on, but she didn't take the empty
seat IN front OF me. She pumped down in
seat in the row ahead of me and about
three seats to the left She didn't make
move to take off her hat. although most of
the women in the theater had already done
so. Directly behind her was a little girl
about ten years old, in charge of a young
woman who looked as if she might be the
child's sister The little girl couldn't see
anything of the stage, of course, on account
of the big hat, and SO the young woman ac-
companying the child changed seats with the
little one. She was out Of it then herself,
but she strained her neck from one side to
the other good-naturedly After the cur
tain came down on the second act the
growl from a lot of people in the rear of
the high-hatted woman was plainly audi
ble and a couple of gentlewomen back of
me summoned an usher and asked him to
request the woman with the hat to kindly
sage to her in the very incest possible way
He said to her:
Madam, a number of the ladies and
gentlemen in seats behind you have
quested me to ask you If you will not
greatly oblige them by kindly removing
your hat during the rest of the perform
ance.'
'"rhe female turned upon the usher with
a face livid with rage, and she said
No, | won't, you impertinent thing!
I'll do no such thing. How dare you!'
Then she turned upon the young woman
behind her and gave her a blast such as
you don't often hear from the lips of wo-
men of any sort nowadays. 'Hussy,' nasty
thing, miserable, common creature and
all that sort of thing, in a regular Billings
gate flow, until the innocent young women,
who hadn't said a word about the hat, was
actually in tears and the little girl snug
Cling up to her and trying to comfort
her. Well, all the people who heard it
gave it up then. They just looked at each
other. as much as to say, oh, pshaw. II
that's the sort of proposition we're up
against, what's the use?'
Then, there's the -hat-wearing wo-
man who keeps her head covering until
the curtain has gone up on the first act
No matter if she arrives at the theater half
an hour before the show begins, she keeps
her hat on until the curtain is actually
raised. Meanwhile the people in line behind
her are suffering tortures of fear and
working themselves up to a terrific pitch
of nervous excitement. When the curtain
is actually up this woman calmly reaches
for her hat pins and removes her hat look
ing behind her with a fiendish smile that
says, Well, | have given you all a beauty
of a bad quarter of an hour, haven't II
What l want to know is, why do wo-
men whose heads are too much deformed
to permit of their removing their hats at
the theater-why do such women go to the
theater, anyhow