Arizona republican., 1898-11-21
MARTIN DOOLEY'S
 ADAPTATIONS.
The Theory Of inc Function of inc
 Democratic parfy.

MT. Hennessy appeared later 5han
 usual and wore a battered and tired appearance.
 Where ye been. little man?" asked N1r. Dooley.
 Down lool1in' at tn raytarns," said Mfr Hennessy- D.
 An how'd they look?" asked Mr. DooTey.
 Bad" said Mir. Hennessy. Bad. Teddy Rosenfelt's ilicted, an tn on'y gleam iv hope we have is that a Swede dimmycrat has won out up in Minny- soty."
 "A Swede dimmyc- -att' said Mir. Doo- ley. :" 'Tis onthrue. They're no Swede dimmycrats. Swedes comes firm a counthry where tn liquor thrade's in tn hands iy tn governmint, an ivry- body votes f'r tn administration No. sir. This year there ar-re no Swede dimmycrats. Tn mans q fusion. or whatiyer 'iis they calls thim, an like as not whin he gets into tn job twin tur-Fn out that he's q raypublican with i lanin' tO'rd dhrinkin' alcohol cut iV pop bottle. II ye was as old as l am but ye ar-re old as am, man alive.
 I'm not" said Mir. Hennessy. ''I was on'y year old whin ye swore. ye'ersilf y age"
 -.Ye lie,'' said Mir. Dooley But be that as it may, if ye raymimbered as we'll as I do an wasn't given to hyin' up in tn air warst year befure flee tion day an thinkin' iv ye'ersilf goin' over at tn head iv comity to con gratulate tn successful candydate, ye'd not take this highly disthressin' event as a gr-reat sorrow. We have 4l. city hall, safe firm tn winthry gales, Teddy Rosenfelt has bie his way into a good thing or not? As I tor ye wanst befure, tn stronger we aTre in Wash 'ntOn tn weaker we ar-re in tn ward Whin big Cleveland was prisi- dint they was tn blackest raypublican that iver carried torch sWingin' th' Trad bridge. He held me up fir an hour comin' home fr' m mass wan Sun dah, an ~wudden'I tur-rn tn bridge. rolled kag iv Der aagain him tn nex' time lie passed me place.
 No, Hinnissy, tn dimmycratic party is nci, doomed to victhry. 'Tis a good critic but a bad actor. 'T1s gr-reai to stand in the pit an heaye eggs at Me Duff in the play iy 'McBeth's Flirta- ticn,' but whin it gets on tn stage it i,hrips over it's soord an frgets what it intinded to say an fin'lly ends be peggin' tn stage manager into tn bass dhrum. l niver gets an oncoore.
 "To put it tn way yell understand, Hinnissy, tis like me Cousin Mike wanst whin he was in dhrink, as he was part iv tn ime. He come along to where man be tn name iv Grogan was layin' brick. There wasn't d worse bricklayer thin Grogan between tn river an tn packin' house, an he was layin' brick tn way some men ehovelsf coal. Lave off, there, says me Cousin Mike. We're maxim show iv ye'ersilf an disgracin' tn noble ar-rt iv blicklayin',' he says. That wall, he says, II look like tn home ward thracks iY wake he says. May tivin f'rgive ye,' he says, if ye Trent it to amy wan he says, fir twill de- sthroy tn poor women an childher that moves into it, he says. An he wept. He was a sintimintal man whin in dhrink. Well, Grogan got that mad. Come up here he says; come up, ye gr-reat omadhon,' he says. An me Cou- sin. Mike wint up. He was as good theretical bricklayer as ye iver see, but he'd 10 sooner got tn trowl in his hand an called Mort thin along come man firm Mayol he didn't like. He dhropped tn trowl an begun sthriT- pin off layers an Whin tn polls come that Grogan called he had disthrib- nted tn first sthCry an was pluckin' at tn foundations
 50 be th' dimmycratic party. Tn r2yuCblicans gets into office an begins wurrlkin' at what Hogan calls tn nay t1onal edifice. An they do pretty well f'r awhile, an whin ivrybody. begins to think that some day tn naytional edl- flee II be fit to live in, To an behold th' bricklayers goes wrong. They begin to put bay windows all over tn nay tional edifice an masard roof on tn pasemint an towers an stained glass Windies so no wan can SC in an thin they get tired an turin over tn job to jerry-builders an ye SC a man mor- taring th' bricks with flour-paste an putin in cnsaisoned timber an get tin d rake-off firm tn man that sells tf' slate fir tn roof. 'Tis thin tn dim 1aycratic party is sthrong. Glory be-, says tn I1:ycratic party, what kind of an old gazabo is that they're stick in over tn fr-ront stOop.' or Lord save ns firm har-rm, is that man thryin' to mix mortar without hair An they roar an kick an wake up tn neiShbor- hood an r-run tn jerry-biulders up an alley. An they take tn conthract on their own hands an wan man thries to build Audjiotoroom or TOOlere5e an another man On tn opposite side is buildin' a shot tower. That is, some times. Mos times they don't get high CT thin tn top iv th' ladder whin hOd iv' bricks falls on their heads. Between .