The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1898-06-28
DOOLEY AT WASHINGTON.
He Reports Meeting of the Cabinet
in His Best Style.

IN HIS Best style.
There must have great times down
in Wash'nton these days. said Mr.
Dooley. "Gr'reat times in Mack's cabi-
net, settin' r-round am plannin' tn de-
sthruction iv tn naughty power iv
Spain. 'Tis there We see rale JANUS an
thinlxin' brains di-rectin' tn foolish So
jers that wants to r-rush in an shoot
an stab an kill.
'At tin o'clock me frind Hanna laveS
me frind Mack out Nv tn cellar an
Mack goes to TIN fr-ront parlor, where
tn cabinet is Settin' an they all have
their pitchers took in tn act iv thought.
Thin says Mack: I hope ye-er all Well
he says, this blesSid June mornin',' he
says. I'm not feelin' quite up to tn
limit says tn gallant sicrety iv tn
navy. 'Ye shud go slow on that limon
phosphate says Mack. 1T biteth like
a wasp an stingeth like a ladder he
says. I wint very light on it, says tn
commander iv tn battleships, though
they was lashins Nv it at tn meetin' iv
tn peace s'ciety,' he says. Lashins iv
it, he says, an some iv tn la-adS got
pretty high an sung Il want to be an
angel, me boys till tn watch raped
on tn dure f'r thin to stop. No. he
says, twas not that he says, but I
lay awake all night thinkin' iv me
brave sailors, he says, in furrin wa
ters,' he says, far firm home he says,
'perishin' iv old age he says. They
whit away happy an eager he says,
an now their gran childher listens in
N1ln gran pan ) SIGp upon Ia Wdlhs
he says, wringin his hans.
War is no joke says TIL sicrety iv
war sternly. "A man in my business
grows accustomed to tur'able scenes,
he says. I wanSt see a fellow have his
t'umb cut off be a buzz saw in Mitchi-
gam he says. "A man must steel him
silf to such scenes he says. Did We
not faint?' says tn sicrety iv tn navy.
I did not says tn sicrety iv war. I
kept my prisince iv mind an took tn
t'umb out iv his time he says.
" 'GintIemen,' says Mack, br-reakin'
in, let's have no further argy mint he
says. Has tn attorney gin'ral amy
thing to communicated he says. I
have says tn attorney gin'ral; L have
prepared an OpinyOn to prove that tn
capture iv Havana wud be disordhley
Also he says, AN opinyon to show
that tn proper way FIR to carry on tn
operations in Cuba he says, is to put
thin in tn hands iv a stock com pany
FORMED undher tn laws iv tn state iv
Moo Jersey he says. an issues bonds
on TIL artilPry an other r-rollin' stock
he says. 'Wudden't that interfere with
tn poplar loan?' says Mack. Not at
ALL says tn sicrety lv tn threeasury.
TIL poplar loans been all took up in
millyon dollar lots be tn pathriotic
banks he says. It's a great success
he says. "A loan always is says Mack.
I had wan wanst hesilf,' he says, an
it med a great hit with me- he says.
well he says, to r-raysume,' he
tn naughty Spanyard goes on with
gr-reat success he says. 'Sandago de
Cuba is not TAKEN he says. But tn
crew iv tn Iowa has taken tn measles,
tn crew iv tn New York has taken to
dhrink, an Col Asthor has taken a
morgedge of all tn thinimints in south
ern Cuba. I am he says, 'mobilizin'
wan hundred thousan' men at Du-
buque, Ioway, to support Shafter, an
be Mondah I'll be r-rushin' reinforce
ments to Terry Hut, Kenosha, an What
I'M
Nv tn ARMY will be a frind iv Marks,
he says. L clane f'rget his name, but
he's. wan iv tn largest pickle nanny
facthurers iv tn western reysarve,' he
says. is there amy brigadier ginrals
to be appinted?' says tn sicrety iv tn
navy. "A lot says Mack Thin says
tn sicrety iV tn navy, I speak FIR a
frind iv mine. tn champeen tinnis play
er iv Swampscatt an a leader iv mis-
sion wurruk,' he says. I have here
says tn sicrety iv war, "a list iv Mitchi-
gan men that haven't been appinted to
anything he says, AN ARE thurly
incompetent FIR tn jooties iv brigadier
gin raj he says. Turin thin in, says
Mack. "A frind iv mine says tn sic
takin' tn Kelley cure he says. Give
me their Names says Mack. There
ARE three or four la-ads in Chicago,
says tn sicrety iv tn threeasury, that
he says, an he says, they might be
loaned to tn country at tn usual
r-rateS,' he says. Make a note iv thim,'
says Mack. Have none iv We amy ril-
litives not now in tn ARMY or navy?
he says. L have aunt says tn Sic
rety iv state. She's appinted,' says
Mack. TIL now go over to tn sinit an
hand r-round tn r-rest iv TIN jobs he
says Thank hivin, we're a nation iV
leaders, he says.
GLORY be to tn saints" Mr.. Dooley
added fervent1y. eth wars in tn hands
iv Mack an tn cabinet If liver it's
TURNED over to tn R-rough R-riders
or tn other wild divvles in Cuba, tn
fair fame iv tn union'll be marred;
they'll be a coorderoy r-road iv late
Spanyards firm wan ind iv Cuba to tn
other, an nation Wen be no better
thin our fathers was befure u.s.