Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1898-07-11
HIS TROUSERS.

W. Nv ~ VASAA oia "a -
huential position; but, being a busy man,
he had not found time to dress. Stepping
into the train, he slipped a shilling into
the hand of the guard and said, Keep me
this apartment, please, as want to dress"
"All right, sir, - answered the guard, and
the next moment the train started.
Having removed his boots, Mr.. Chucker
denuded himself Of his trousers. This
was a trying moment, for, if an accident
had happened then-"Why, why, dear
mel" calculated Mr.. Chucker, at this stage
of his cogitations. ''I-think the train is
stopping"
The train was stopping in effect, as
MI. Chucker might have foreseen that it
would do, since he was not travelling by
express, but he had been SO %inwrapped in
his self upbraiding thoughts that he had
not even noticed the first s%lackening of the
engines speed. He now found himself in
the very midst of a very litter of clothes,
and with no time to redress himself before
the train stopped. He had to decide hasti-
ly whether he would steam alongside
Ealing platform in his shirt slesves or mi
nus his pantaloons. He chose wisely in
budding on his coat, which he buttoned
up, while he covered his lower man with
railway rug. This done, he collected as
many of his belongings as he could into
his bag, kicked his boots under a seat and
tried to look dignifled. The train had
come to a standstill now, and a guard
opened the door of the carriage in which
our hero was sitting and cried, "There's
room here, sir, for you and this lady"
"Hi, guard!" exclaimed Mr., Chucker,
leaning out in horror. "You told me |
should have this compartment to myself"
Unfortunately for our modest friend,
the guard to whom he had given the shil-
ling was not the one appointed to travel
with the train. These little mistakes Of
ten occur, and lead to unpleasant conse-
quences. The present guard said bluntly:
II can't give you a compartment to
yourself unless you pay for it, sir. It's
against the rules. Here, madam, step in,
please
A lady who looked in very delicate
health got into the carriage, and a gentle
man with her. Mr.. Barnaby Chucker felt
ready to swoon. Before he could inform
the guard of his readiness 30 pay for a
whole compartment sooner than have his
privacy intruded upon the train was off
again, and Mr.. Chucker fell to rejecting
how he should effect his change of car
riages at Slough now that he was in no
tit state to step on to a platform. The
train in which he travelled was not bound
straight for Windsor, but for Birmingham,
and Mr.. Chucker would have to change at
Slough if he wished to dine with his
friends that evening.
Alas, a more urgent difficulty thar that
involved in a change of carriages soon pre-
sented itself to him, for nc sooner had the
train started than the lady who had just
stepped in began to moan and to shiver,
saying that she felt cold all over. Her
husband sought to quiet her, but it was
all of nc use, for she was really i'll. At
last the poor man looked In despair at Mr..
Chucker and said:
Excuse me for taking q great liberty,
sir, but would you be so kind as to lend
my wife your rug? We started in a hurry
and forgot to bring one. AS it Is not a
cold day, perhaps you would not mind
obliging us far as Slough, where l shall be
able to buy Il rug"
"Eh?" gruntcd Mr.. Chucker, stupefed.
The request completely staggered him,
and he could find no words in which to
reply.
Would you kindly lend this lady your
rugs" repeated the gentleman, rather
astonished.
"Ho!" growled Mr.. Chucker in a voice
like a BEARS. 1t had just occurred to
him that the safest way out of his difficult
ties would be to sham being mad. HOOP
two or three times over, and his STRAIT
agem succeeded perfectly, for both his fell
low p~n q 4, srNuc 1,oon, ~ no,,- / ~ ol %l,n% %Io,,
were travelling with a lunatic.
The lady began to scream. Her nerves
were SO unstrung that they could not
stand this extra shock. And that foolish
Mr.. Chucker made things worse by the
1xity with which he stared at her. The
gentleman armed himself with an UNI
brella to protect his wife. Mr.. Chucker
entered into the spirit of his part, caught
up his own umbrella and brandished it.
The travellers were in their attitude of
vigilance and menace when the train once
more slackened speed, and Hanwell was |
reached.
Instantly the gentleman jumped out ON
the side of the line, SO as not to pass Mr..
Chucker, and helped out his wife, whose |,
screams had given place to a fit of SILVER
ing. Mr.. Chucker was rudely aroused by
the door being suddenly opened and q
gruf voice exclaiming:
snow, sir, what's the matter with
your"
swell, man, since you put me to 1t, I've
no trousers on, confessed Mr.. Chucker, i
lowering his voice, whereupon tho station
master echoed in amazement, mo trou- (
sers!" and the crowd behind caught up the |
words, "No trousers!"
Hes throwed 'em out Of the window, -
suggested the porter.
Perhaps he had none on when he got
into the train" opined the station maste,
"Of course I had, man. I've two pairs
with me now. Let me alone, that l may
put one on" faltered Mr.. Chucker, intim-
idated and disguised by the sight of so
many people staring at him.
But while he was speaking some low
chnrl, Selling a corner Of his rug, gave 1t a
twitch and abruptly exposed Mr.. Chuck
er's dishabille to view. There was a shout
of mingled laughter and dismay among
the passengers, some Of whom, being ladies,
deemed 1t expedient to squeal.
"Out you come" roared the blushing /
station master, in a paroxysm of indigna-
ton, and he clutched Mr.. Chucker by the |
wrist.
"Well, but-but-. let me d-dress first, I"
pleaded the victim as he felt not only his
arms, but his legs, in the grasp of different
hands. He made a short struggle, but did
not improve his position, for his resistance
was ascribed to a maniacal outbreak ana
emboldened his aggressors to drag him out
of the carriage feet foremost. He tumbled
out in a heap, and was then carried across
the platform, kicking and roaring, in the
sight Of a hundred pairs of astonished or
amused eyes.
Ten minutes later, when Mr.. Chuoker
had been conveyed under strong escort to
the station masters room and had been
suffered to don his pantaloons, he contrived
to get a hearing and to explain how all
this trouble had arisen .-Exchange.