The record-union., 1898-04-10
The LOW COMEDIAN.

&0llS Cough IdiQy oo AACooNiAOAN.
word; Cults cocoanut cream was
known and respected by every child in
the United Kingdom; CUTS Metropoli-
tan mixture was pronounced by youth
full connoissieurs to be 'facile princeps
in the mixture" market. They didn
say it was facile prinoeps," but that Is
what they meant Cults almond hafd-
bake was a dream; Cults raspberry
rock was something to dwell in the
memory long after the mental troubles
of middle age had made lollipops for
bidden luxury, and box OF cults
chocolate creams had been on one cell
ebrated occasion presented by royal
English princess to her young German
husband as something the equal OF
which could not be made in Germany. =
Mr.. Cults had no anxieties about his
business. The manufacture of sweets Is
national industry, and foreign COM
petition has not very much affected 1t
except in its higher branches. But in
spite of his prosperity and great re-
nown Mr.. Cults had a trouble. His
eldest son, Timothy Cults, Jr.. positive
ly declined to enter his fathers busi-
ness or to have anything to do with
| bull 's-eyes
To a certain extent it was Mr.. Cults
own fault. Instead of bringing the boy
up in a business-like way he had given
him a first-class education and allowed
him to go to oxford with a liberal al
lowance
Young Cults didn't do anything great
at Oxford. He got through his allow
ance with punctuallty and dispatch,
and m adj ooN1 fria h1lt 70 1QG
to distinguish himself from a university
point of view. In one way only did he
reap fame at Oxford, and that was as
an amateur actor.
He appeared once or twice with con-
siderable success in comic parts, and
the acting" undergraduates said that
he had the making of good low come
dian in him.
HIS father and mother saw him act
once. His mother declared that he was
a genius. Her boy reminded her of
Robson But his father, who had nc
taste for theatricals, only shrugged his
shoulders and pertinently asked what
manner of use clowning was likely to
be to a wholesale sweet-stuff manufac-
turer.
Old Cutts-I only call him "old" to
distinguish him from young Cutts-had
had a vague idea that his son would
| take degree at Oxford; that he would
leave the university with a letter OF
two after his name, which would be a
guarantee to the world of the scientific
principles upon which the business
would be carried on.
Young Cults, however, left the uni
Versity without exhibiting the slightest
! aptitude for chemistry or science OF
any kind, and his disappointed father
at once invited him to come down to the
borough and be initiated into the mys-
terles of cocoanut cream, cough candy
almond hardbake and the worlds ia
nous Metropolitan Mixture.
Mr. Cults Jr., sulkily consented "to
try what it was like" He told his
father frankly that he didn't relish the
idea; that university training was not
calculated to impress a fellow with a
taste for acidulated drops and sugar
sticks, and that if he might be allowed
to express his own views on the sub.
| ject of his future career he would ven.
ture to suggest that he should be al
| lowed to adopt the stage as a profess
| sion.
THE what, sr?' yelled his father. al.
most doubling the evidence of his owr
ears.
The stage, SIR" replied Cults Jr
It's very honorable profession, La
| dies of high rank, officers in the army
and university men are going on the
stage ey"ry' day. Why shouldn't i?'
Mr.. Cults. Sr.. dropped into a chair
and mopped his brow with his pocket
| handkerchief.
| You don't mean to say, Timothy
he gasped. that you se-ri-ously NEAR
that you want to be a play actor"
Yes, I do, father; the great ambi-
ton of my life is to be low comedian
The prosperous sweet stuff manufac-
turer groaned His son a low come
dian! The heir to all that vast estab-
lishment in the Boro, the future pro-
prietor of Cults cocoanut cream. low
! comedian. He groaned to himself ir
almost heartbroken misery for mo-
ment or two, then suddenly he sprane
! from his chair and shook his fist an
grily at his recreant offspring.
| How dare you, sir.'' he yelled
How dare you insult the family By
such proposition? Do you think
sent you to Hoxford (the ''h" was the
result of excitemenD and paid all thai
money for your education that yol
might be mountebank, sir-a grinnins
buffoon, sir, no sir. You'll go into my
business tomorrow. or you'll go where
you like. Everything sir. I've got il
the world will be yours some day if yol
stick to the sweets. Renounce 'em, sir
and | renounce you. Spurn 'em, an
| SDllrn eli
now you can choose; be a sweet stuff
manufacturer and I'll give you a part
nership at once; be a low comedian
and you can live on the coppers yol
can get for making an ass of yourself
Not one shilling of mine will you ge
if you degrade me and your mothel
like that"
It's no degradation, sir; there are
hundreds of ladies and gentlemen OF
the stage
Don't tell me, sir. Don't try any
of your stage stuff here. Low come
dian, indeed, you try it, and I'll low
comedian YOU"
But
Don't answer me. Don't speak tC
me or l shall have apoplexy I've beer
very near it already. You can take
to-day TO consider. We won't men
ton the subject again, but Tomorrow
morning, at 8 O'Clock. the broughan
will be at the door to take me to bust
ness. You either sit beside me in thai
ibrougham or you pack your traps anc
go to the devil. Good morning. sir
A low comedian. Pah, pooh. pishi
And with these violent expressions
tof opinion MIR. Timothy Cults. Sr.
drew himself up to his full hight-ht
was five feet four-and marched ou
of the room with all the stern dignit.