Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11
M'SOFTER'S GOWN" COAT.
Claimed by q Drunken Laborer as His
Property.

at seems to fit all right said Nc
| Softer.
Couldn't be better if it was made
for you" said the salesman, with en-
| thusiasm.
But isn't it unusually red?" asked
McSofter, obviously.
Regulation color" replied the
salesman, with shade OF offense In
his tone There isn't sweller gar
ment in the city to-day. It's the very
latest and finest thing in govt gar
ments."
That govt" did it. If he had said
golf" merely, perhaps McSofter
would have been capable of resistance,
but he was not proof against such ex-
cellence of pronunciation.
I'll take it," he decided. Send it
up as soon as possible
The Wimbledons had invited Nc
Softer out to the Puttercleek links to
play golf, since which that ambitious
youth had been arduously striving to
| learn the accepted postures of the
! sport under the tutoring of profess
SIGNAL at the rate of 81 per half hour.
! That he cut swaths in the circumam
f; bent air, or industriOusly plowed the
! ground in spots not intended for cul-
tivation, mattered little to him SO long
| as he learned the vocabulary of the
game, and to hit the ball at all was
a minor consideration compared with
| hitting at it in the proper form"
| Also he would have died the death
rather than go to the links clad in any
| thing other than the most rigidly pre-
! scribed apparel. On the Saturday fol-
| lowing the requirement of the govt"
| garment McSofter took the train at
| the Grand Central station, having
wired the Wimbledons that he was
| coming in acceptance of their kind
| ANY Saturday" invitation.
According to his own sworn state
ment-sworn with many strange oaths
| -McSofter is the most unlucky man
alive. As proof of this e%adduces
the fact that his train was an hour
late, which was certainly no fault Of
his. At the Wimbledons' house he
found a note telling him ne was to fol-
| low over to the links, as they were
forced to go early to meet some friends
who had driven over from one of the
nearby towns. He would find them
| there waiting for him and anyone could
/ direct him to the club house. Having
changed his clothes and viewed with
| satisfaction his appearance in the mir
ror as reflected in the scarlet splendor
of the new coat, he started for the links
across lots, the servants having told
| him it was nearer than following the
road He hoped that the lots were not
4 frequented by bulls, which might take
| exception to his raiment, and was quite
relieved when he gained the highway
! in safety. though still in ignorance as
| to how to reach his destination.
1t was then II o'clock in the morn
| ing. Nobody was in sight on the road.
McSCfter sat down by the roadside and
waited for the arrival of some person
who could direct him. His period of
waiting was not long. Around the bend
few rods away came one who was not
to be mistaken for aught else than an
honest son of toll AS he approached
he swung his dinner pail in time to a
sCrt of chant without too much meter
or tune, but full of feeling and mar
tial spirit, the oft-repeated burden of
which was:
Me name is Pat O'Reily,
And I'm as good and better than any
other man.
| come from Tipperary.
Where me feyther lived afore me.
An l can bite the eye of any sOn-of-a
gun from Cor-r-r-r-rk.
Come down, ye spalpeens, come do-o-o
o-o-owni"
eli. there." MeSofter hailed the
songster as he came near.
The son OF tall paused in his progress
and his music simultaneously, cycling
McSofter doubtfully
was it me you spoke to, l. do
know?" he observed.
YES Can you tell me the way to the
Puttercleek Golf club?'
Il cannot. I'm just out of job my
self. Are you a fireman."
''See here. my man: all l want OF
you is to tell me where the Puttercleek
golf links are"
Didn't I tell you / didn't know?
An dent know if I ever did know.
But l can show you the way to glass
Of beer if you'd make it two glasses.
Apparently you've found your way
/ to that already" said McSnfter.
"An' if how, that's my business an
| the boss's. He says to me: Pat, he