The times., 1898-04-24
A HOME MADE DIVORCE.

L
maids. We earn our own living and
take care of pa and ma
We never have been able to see what
that fussy old couple ever found in each
other to look at twice, but since they
did get married it seems only fair that
they should make the best of what
can't be helped; but they don't! AS
far back as we can remember they have
quarreled and made up and quarreled
again until Jane and l have grown an
cient without ever having had a chance
to be young. When Jane got an ap
pointment in the Treasury a dozen
years ago and more ago pa suddenly
discovered that something was the mat
ter with his heart and he mustn't work
any more. That meant house rent and
grocery bills for poor Jane. Then L got
chance to go South as a goVerness,
but before my trunk was packed ma
sat down in her rocker and said she
would die if she had to do another
speck of hOusework, so L had to stay
home.
Everything comes to a head some time
or another, so one day last Summer
after pa and ma had been threatening
each other as usual to get divorce
Jane suggested to me that we would
settle their little business to suit our
selves, and l said to Jane 20. K" The
first thing ma knew after that she
was making an indefinite visit to her
Cousin Mollie in southern Maryland
and Pa was off on what the society
columns call a sojourn among the re-
sorts of the northern Atlantic coast.
The reason for distributing our parents
in exactly that way was because pa
had been eVerlastlngly complaining
that his life depended on sea air and
travel; and that he had to die because
his family was too selfish to consider
his condition; and mas lifelong wall
was that she had to be penned up in
the city when her whole heart and soul
yearned to be with dear Cousin Mollie
down in her girlhoods happy home.
Jane drew out the biggest hal of her
savings from the building association
and sent Pa sojourning in a new set Of
clothes With orders to keep on north
ward and whatever happened never to
turn back in his ways. When we were
through with him we shipped ma off
with a change of wrappers and her
Sunday black-and then we proceeded
to be happy. AS pas excuse for making
Jane attend the family correspondence
for years back was tEat he was no hand
| particular branch of education for 50
| long that she couldn't tell Il from
| beans, we were not afraid Of their quar-
| reIing through the mail, so there they
were, as separated as though we had
| baniShed them to d pole apiece-which
! was better in every way than armed in
| terventiOn by the law.
The first day we had the house to our
| selves we realized the true meaning of
| heaven.
| Jane started off to Office as gay q a
| lark and | pitched into the houSeWOrk,
| read novel for three hours, and had
dinner on the table by the time Jane
turned the door knob. In the cool of
| the evening we had a car ride to Glen
| Echo and when we got home Jane
| opened the piano and sang a lot Of old
| fashioned love songs, which neither ma
| nor pa would have tolerated, seeing ma
was severely pious and our other parent
couldn't tell enc tune from another and
| consequently hated them ell. When we
| had burned gas up to what ma would
| have called a sCandalous hour We ma
| rauded into the pantry and dissipated
| on cold beef and mustard pickles in a
| way that would have driven pa into
conniption fits; il beng doctrine with
| him that night lunches and suicide
/ were the Identical same.
We two had never had more of q
vacation than round trip to some
place and back, because each Summer
pa and ma We're more certain tEat they
couldn't spare US from home. Now we
! had the chance we decided to make
the jolIiest sort of use CT ii, but after
reading all the country board adver-
! usements in the Sunday papers we con-
cluded we could get the most worth out
of our money by staying right where
| we were. IL was cur first opportunity
to get acqUa nted with the true inward
ness of Home. Sweet tiome-ard a glOr-
| iously good time we had of it until we
got our first Letter from pa. He hadn
had a decent meal since he started and
! he couldn't satisfy himself that his col
lar button was on right unless ma was
around. He was lonesome and wanted
to come home.
Jane answered by return mail and
told him to keep on sojGurning and be
! hanged to the butt0ns-and by
! the time we had about recov-
cred from that shock along
comes a letter from ma. She
was tired of having nothing to DO
but look at the fields and the river and
the sky, and nothing to hear but the
birds in the day, the frogs at night and
the waves all the ime. Mollie's tea
| money to come home
Jane expressed a pound of Gunpow-
der and Young Hyson by the next boat
| and gave ma to understand that she
| was expected to fight il out all Summer.
| Then we breathed again. Fer arly a
| week we received CongratulatOry calls
! and many were the cups of tea and
pitchers Of lemonade that added TO the
cOuvivality if little parties We gave in
| the back yard OTTER dusk. The guests
| were Cn!y old girls like ourselves, with
out beau in the crowd, but we enjoy
| ed it so much all around that | could
see that / was taking on fat while Jane
| resurIected a. dimplc that had been
buried a dozen years. When day pass
| ed without a letter from the divorced
| ones we were thankfully content
We knew we had conscientiously
done ali in our power to give them what
they had been pickering after, and be-
| sides, il made US honestly happy 10
| think of pa strolling along the beach
Of those Atlantic resorts and ma revel-
ing in the flush Of peaceful beauty of
what she used to fling al pa as the only
| true home she had ever known Final
ly a week passed without sign from
| either, and the silence gave us an in
| ward sinking feeling that the pr sent
was too good to last and that some
thing was sure to happen.
Which it distinctly did.
| One evening just as Jane reached
home from the office she received a
c. o. ID. telegram from beth of them
one. that is, between the two.
They had met each other by appoint
| ment in Baltimore ard had run IN a
board bill with family we knew, and