The herald., 1898-09-26
- - y ' ~ y w v ~ Y w,
Me-. DooIey's Remarks
On the Anarchists
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"'ris hazard beini king these days."
said Mr.. Dooley. "Manny's tn man on a
throne wishes his fatherd brought him UP
a cooper. what with wages bein' docked
be parlymints an rasin' arnychists r-run-
min wild with dynnymite bombs undher
their arms an carvin' knives In their
pockets.
'Onaisy, as Hogan says, IL tn head that
wears crowen. They'se other heads that're
onaisy. too. but ye don't hear Nv thin.
But a man grows up In wan Nv thin fur
rim countries an he's thrained rr to be a
king. Hivin may've intinded him fr dooce
or jack at tn most. but he has to fol-
low tn same line as his father. IT'S like
pawnbrokin' that way. Ye niver heerd iv
O pawnbroker's son doin' anything else
Wanst king. always king. Other mems
sons may pack away q shirt in a thrunk
an go out into tn worruld, brakin' on q
freight or ladin' Indyanny bankers up to
a shell game. But man that's headed rr
throne can't r-run away. He's got to
take tn job. II he kicks they blindfold
him an back him In. When he goes on
watch he's cinched. He can't ask fr his
time At tn end iv tn week an lave. He
pays himsilf. He can't sthrike, because
he'd have to order out tn polls to subjoo
himsilf. He can't go to tn boss an say:
Me hours is too long an tn wurruk is
tajious. Give me me pay check He has
no boss. A man can't be Independent onless
he has boss. IT'S thrue. So he takes tn
place, an tn chances ar-re he's tn big
ra0t tn
no more about runnin' tn country thin I
know about ladin' an orchesthry. An II
he don't do anything he's a dummy, an If
he does do anything he's crazy. an whin
he dies his foreman says: Sure. tits tn
divvle's own time had savin' that bas-
thoon firm desthroyin' himsilf. II It wasn't
fr me tn poor thing'd have closed down tn
wurruks an gone to tn far-rm long ago.
An wan day whin he's takin' tn air,
p'raps. along comes an Eyetalyan an says
he: 'Ar-re ye a king?' That's me name,
says his majesty. 'Bether Dead says t
Eyetalyan. an they'se scramble, an an
other king goes over tn long r-road.
II don't know much about arnychists. We
had thin here-wanst. They wint again po-
lismen mostly. Mebbe that's because po-
lismen's tn nearest things to kings they
cud find. But, anyhow, sometimes think
know why they're arnychists somewhere
an why they amt in other places. 1t re-
minds me Nv what happened wanst in me
cousin Terence's family. They was hvin'
down near Haley's slough, in wan iv ol'
Doherty's houses, not Doherty that ye
knowa tn JtSner, good man whin he dom t
drink. No, twas an OIL crouch iv a man
be the name Of Malachi Doherty, that used
to keep 'ive-day notices in his thrunk an
owned his own privit justice iv tn peace.
Me cousin Terence was as dacint a man as
liver shoed hor-rse, an his wife was a
good woman. too. though niver took much
to tn Dolans. Firm Tipperary they was
an too handy at throwing things at ye.
IAN he had a nice family CROWN up. an I
niver knowed people that lived together
moro quiet an amyable. Twas good fr to
see thin settin' ar-roun' tn parlor. Ter
ence spellin' tn newspaper an his good
woman mendin' socks an Honoria playin'
tn Vale iv Avoca' ON tn ptanny, an tn
kids r-rowlin' on tn fiure
"But wan day It happened that that
whole family begun to rasp on wan anoth-
err. FIonor1a's set down at tn pianny an
tn OIL mand growl: FIT tn love iv tn
saints, close down that hurdy gurdy an
lave a man injye his headache An tn
good woman scolded Terence, an tn kids
pulled tn legs firm undher tn stove an
whin tn big boy Mike come home firm
Omaha he found none Nv them speakin' to
tn others. He cud, do nawthin', an he wint
fr Father Kelly. Father Kelly snuffed tn
air whin he come in an he says: Terence,
what's tn matter with yere catch basin ?
I dinnaw.' growled Terence. WE'LL says
Father Kelly. we put on yere hat this min
yit an go out fr plumber he says. I'm
not needed here he says. 'Yere sowis ar-re
all fright he says, but yere systems ar-re
out of ordher.' he says. Fetch tn plumb
er,' he says, whilst goes down to Doher-
ty an makes him think his lease on tn
hereafter is defective he says"
"Ye'er fright" said Mr.. Hennesy, who
had followed the argument dimly
"Iv coorse I'm fright" said Mr.. Dool-
ey. What they need over there in furrin'
countries is not a priest. but plumber.
IT'S no good prayin' again arnychists, Him
missy. Arnychists is sewer gas."-Chicago
Journal