Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1898-03-29
INDIANA LIARS.
The Adventure of the Fertilizer Agent
and How He Won His Laurels.


The Adventure of the Fertilizer Agent
and How He Won His Laurels.
When it became generally known
that the fertilizer agent, who was stop
ping at the town hotel and making
Ananias Lyons general store his loaf
ing headquarters, was something of a
liar himself and laid claim to two Or
three state championships, there was
widespread and unbecoming jealousy
throughout the countryside. OF course,
Lem Brewster and old EIDE Martin were
hardly interested. They had heard of
such pretenders before, and had, on in
vestigation found the foemen scarcely
worthy of their steel. They had to have
something more tangible in the way of
evidence than the cry: "The wolf! the
wolff" before they would venture to the
relief of the beaten-out village prevari-
Gators. But with the rising young liars
that had been aspiring to take the place
of Lem and Eide when they should have
| when their corpses should be keeping
up their owners regulations by lying
still in the graves, it was different.
They fairly snorted, and Thornie
| Rhodes declared it was an outrage for
any man to think he could outlie the
people of Turniptop. Accordingly he
went to the store for bout with the
new claimant, and came away a
changed man. Others with lying ambi-
tons did likewise. He was wonder.
Gradually the talk got old Lem and EIDE
| irfo1.oefo1 orI xx,hor fhoyy
didn't have a great deal to do they
mounted on sacks Of shelled corn, and,
after doing their milling, they saun-
tered round to the store of Lyon, to
take fall out of the new wonder in I'M
truthfulness.
Funny looking boss We got there"
yells the stranger, fresh as new paint,
as Eide rode up.
"Yas, right funny lookin' brute,
that" said EIDE, reservedly.
"What made i'm come to be that
color?" continued the new man. with
interest.
"Wall, to tell the TRUTH
'The what?' asked the stranger, his
hand to his ear.
'The truth; in other words, not talk
in shop. That boss used to be a pale
dun. Gradually he begun t. git sorrel,
till you see i'm now, jest the color O.
brick dust"
"Yas, but what done it?' persisted
the stranger.
"Feedin' i'm salt, jest plain, common
SALT" said EIDE.
"Well, how the deuce did that turn
i'm that crazy color?"
"Jest rusted the iron in is blood
take ginerally the straightest sort O.
liquor" continued EIDE, with chuclzle
and undue haste.
"Wall, you ole son of a gum" said the
stranger, in true admiration. "You
hev in you the makin's of q very fair
liar"
That piqued Eide, and he refused to
drink until old Lem had had hand at
the stranger. Giving Lem the wink, he
sat down on wagon tongue and wait
ed. lie had not long to wait. The old
man Brewster pricked up his ears and
said:
'Spcakin' of guns, reminds me Nv a
fowlin' piece I had onct wen I wuz a
young Teller. Had the biggest muzzle
ever see. One day went out huntin'
squirrels with it, an after treein' a
squirrel I shot i'm an e lodged. Set
gun up side the tree, elm up Oh it.,
slipped, fell into bar'l, clean down in
couldn't git out. Gun fell down 'crost
wagon track where they'd ben haulin'
logs. Yoke O. oxen come long with a
load, run right over that there gun O.
mine-skaweezed me clean out tn
touch hole-same as Ede's s what I
take"
'Seems t. me- said the stranger, ''you
'uns is alfred 'fraid to give 'nuther
man a chanst. Better wait tell y hear
how come t. be sellin' this p'tic'l Lar
brand O. fertilizer.''
"G'wan," said Eide and Lem, in con.
cert. fearing no defeat.
"1Nuz follerin' hog DROWN then
Wuz taNin' drove to Vincennes. Big
lot, filled the big road, side to side
Seen watermelon CROWN out side
the road; hogs wuz goin' t. git it. Lit.
tie boy settin' in tn truck patch inside
tn fence, pullin' weeds. He wuz
skeered. Then lie thought of somepin
Jumped up an run out in the road head
O. tn hogs, picked up that vine an
p'inted it at tn house. Scrabbled bacl
through tn 1cnce an commenced tc
shovel somcpin on tn vine root. Purity
soon, jest us the front hog reached his
suoot fer that melon, tn vine got right
up an scooted fer tn house, jumped tn
fence clear an clean, and never busted
axed tn name q that fertilizer-same
as this I'm scllin'.''
What d you say y'd hev?" asked
Ede and Lem in one breath as soon as
they recovered their breathing power
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Hunting Beef.
DAHL Il