davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

lneTe ls only QUE tulnB ever w
for policy's sake" whats that?"
"Pay my premium. Truth.
"a fine dog, that, of yours, What's
his name?" Has none, nor needs
one; he doesn't obey anyway" -
Fliegende Blatter.
shameful about those two Ken
lucky girls quarreling over that battle
ship" Eyes, they act as if it was a
man. Chicago Record.
Walker-"Did you say your wife's
member of a secret society?"
Talker-"It was secret before she
joined. "-Norristown Herald.
1--WE have cornbread all the time
now." "Why?" "My husband lost
so much on wheat that it makes him
weep to see q biscuit. " - Chicago
Record.
Friend-"Then it is not a play of
the present day, is it?" Playwright
ooh, mol The scene is laid in Har-
lem at the beginning of the rapid
transit movement. Puck.
Revised: He had been busy
adapting things. 81 care not" he
said at last, "who writes the songs Of
country so long as 1 draw the royal
ties. Chicago Evening Post.
Employment Agent-"See herel
How is this? You stayed two weeks
In your last place, How did that
happen?" Domestic-"S Sure, Oh
dunno. Oh musht av overshlept me-
self. New York Weekly.
Dulby (would-be novelist) t)-'I've
Just finished q new novel. If you
have a moment to spare I'll show you
the proofs" Wilby-"Oh, never
mind about the proofs. I'll take
your word for it. it."-Chicago Record.
Speaking of the vogue of the
Wheel" remarked the observer of men
and things, "a good healthy constitu-
ton and the canned beef industry
doubtless go far to keep the horse
from being eaten up by envy. De
troit Journal
"Of course" observed Xerxes, the
King, "my will is law" Doubtless,
answered the wise man of the court,
after consulting few authorities.
"That is to say, if your Majesty
doesn't leave too large an estate. -
Chicago Record.
"No," said Nero, while Rome was
burning, as he turned Indignantly to
one of his advisers, ''this is amuse-
ment enough. l shall not sanction
any six days bicycle race. lam not al
together a monster" And he fiddled
away. Chicago Tribune.
First Klondike Miner-'I hear that
our neighbor, Spudkins, has married
rich' Second Klonkike Miner
(enviously)-"Yes; they say his bride
has an independent fortune of Fifty
cans of boneless ham and twenty-five
cans of condensed milk. Puck,
Art-'I have heard" said the
young woman who is improving her
mind, "that sometimes it requires a
great deal of art to succeed in not do
ing things" 1T does, >" replied Sen
ator Sorghum; ''unquestiopably;
especially if you are being paid for
then. Washington Star.
"The parcel postman has just called
at the Twickenhams', next door, and
left a'football, bicycle, two cricket
bats, package of sweaters, n pair OF
spoon oars, and bundle of golf
sticks. "Then their daughter must
be home from college and her educa-
ton finished. London Figaro.
Young Hicks-"You needn't laugh
at my moustache, Maud; your mother
said it was becoming, didn't you,
madame?" Mrs. Bailey-"Oh, no,
Harry You misunderstood me. /
said it was coming" Hicks-"Now
Mrs. Bailey, don't cut n moustaehe
when it is in down. Boston Tran
script.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
A veretnhIe HnIr ErtermInator.

The ''iumbal plant, which is found
on riversides in tropical America, has
curious properties. Horses, if they
eat it, lose the hair from their names
and tails. When fed exclusively on
corn and grass they viii recover, but
the new hair will be totally different
nscolor and texture from the old.
Ruminant animals are not thus af'
fected, and its growth is actually en-
couraged as a fodder plant for cattle,
sheen and goats.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

Gullible farmers, of Allen County,
Ohio, have been buncoed by a swind-
Ter who went through the country ex-
hibiting an enormous ear of corn, from
which he sold choice kernels at choice
prices for seed. The ear was made
from several smaller ears carefully cut
up and ingeniously glued together in
the natural form of big ear.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
MlDWlNTER.
The wind has fed.

The wind has fed,
The cold, gray light lies heavy down the
glen;
Silent the pines, scarce nodding, plume on
plume,
Like sorrowing emblems DER warrior
dead,
Darken the hills, intensifying the gloom,
Cast sombef shadows down on lake and
fen,
With startling tread
The hare leaps through the hemlock droop.
ing low,
Halts for a glance, and with large, guile-
less eyes
0idreamless ignorance, oercast with dread,
Bllnks at the light, and then with move
ment slow
Limps noiselessly away where twilight
dies.
John Preston True.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
Ii Hung Chang's Woman Physician.

Ii Hung Chang has appointed as
first physician in his private house
hold Chinese woman, Miss HUI King
Eng, M. d., who was graduated from
an American medical college. Previous
to this appointment she was an attend
ing physician AT the Women's Hospi,
tai in her native city of Foo Chow, and
also a practising missionary physician,
for early in life she adopted the Chris
tian religion.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

The Man who Loved the Names OF Things
Went forth beneath the skies,
And named all things that he beheld,
And people called him wise.
An unseen presence walked with him
Forever by his side,
The welded mistress OF his soul
For knowledge was his bride;
She named the fiowers the weeds, the trees
And all the growths OF all the seas.
She told him all the rocks by name,
The winds and whence they blew;
She told him how the seas we're formed,
And how the mountains grew;
She numbered all the stars for him;
And all the rounded skies
We're mapped and chartered for the gaze
OF his devourlng eyes.
Thus, taught by her, he taught the crowd
They praised-and he was very proud.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

'Did you ever notice the queer,
rotary gesture Mr.. Chilkoot always
makes when his wife rings for the
butler?"
eyes; you see, he used to be n
motorman before he went to Klon.
dixie. Boston Traveller.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
The Thrifty Explorer.

"Do you know why it is that so
many explorers seek the arctic and so
few the antarctic regions?'
. 'Well, / think could make pretty
good guess.
"Why?"
"The arctic regions are not quite so
far away from the headquarters of the
managers of the lecture bureaus. -
Chicago Post.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
TWO BRIDES

The Man who Loved the Soul Of Things
Went forth serene and glad,
And mused upon the mighty world,
And people called him mad
An unseen presence walked with him
Forever by his side,
The welded mistress OF his soul
For Wisdom was his bride.
She showed him all this mighty frame,
And bade him feel-but named no name.
She stood with him upon the hills
Hinged by the azure sky,
And shamed his lowly thought with stars
And bade 1t climb as high
And all the birds he could not name,
The nameless stars that roll.
The unnamed blossoms at his feet
Talked with him soul to soul;
He heard the Nameless Glory speak
In silence-and was very meek.
Sam Walter Foss, in the Independent.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
JustiAabIe Shooting.

Mr.. Brown-"Terrible tragedy at
bargain counter. A woman who had
secured the last five yards of cheap
silk was shot by another woman who
had been waiting from midnight with
out having a chance TO get any"
Mrs. Brown-"Poor thing Surely,
they won't do anything to her, will
they, ?"-Harlem Life.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
pldn,t want the whole Family.

Her parents Ito prospective son-in-
law)-"Is your financial condition
such as will enable you to support a
family?"
Young Man (timidly)-"Why, Ter
that is, was-er-only figuring oD
supporting Clara. Chicago News.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

$50 you are going away, Mrs.
Rusher?"
Eyes; we are going to move to Ken
lucky for few weeks until my hus-
band gets to be called Colonel, and
then we shall go to Washington to
live. Chicago Record.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
All the Talk He Wanted.

"Don't you think if Robinson
Crusoe had been a married man he
would have been n great deal lone
lier?"
ooh, 1 don't know. He had par
rot, you remember. "-Cleyeland Plain
Dealer.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
RATES OF ADVERTISING,

One Square, one inch, one insertion..s 90
One Square, one inch, one month. q, 800
One Square. one inch, three months. %
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Quarter Column, one year r.,..,,,,.ss. 5lOO
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Legal advertisements ten cents per line
each insertion.
Marriages and death notices gratis.
All bills for yearly advertisements collected
quarterly Temporary advertisements must
be paid in advance.
Job work-cash on delivery.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

Mrs. Yeast-"Didn't you say your
boy got more like his father every
day?"
Mrs. Crimsonbeak- exactly.
1 said he was getting more like hie
father every night; he comes in about
midnight. ."-Yonkers Statesman.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

''That Bascomme woman is falways
making her husband tell her that he
loves her, right before folks"
eyes; she knows that it is an awful
exasperation to him to say it."-India-
napolis journal.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

Clement Scott, a famous London
dramatic critic, says the English stage
is the worst, because the English are
the least artistic people in the world,
and ''more completely without the
saving grace of humor than auy other
nation -
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

"O-o-o-ohl' groaned the glass-eater,
in pain. 9TH never again eat any
hand-painted Dresden chinaware.
Never again."
'I warned You, said his wife,
severely. "But it serves you right for
eating those fancy dishes against the
doctors orders" "
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.

The Vanity That DestrOys-Cupid's Big
Blils-New But Effective Method-An
the Talk He Wanted-Changed--Mi J.
tary Circles--Justiflable Shooting, Etc.
"There are no birds in last years nests, /"
The poet says, and the cause OF that
Is because they've all been gathered in
To adorn the gorgeous winter hat.
Chicago News.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

The study of domestic science by
young women in Germany includes
the study of the vegetable garden and
how to cultivate it.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
Cupid's Big Bills.

Glove laughs at locksmiths,' you
know"
"That's all right, but you never
catch Love laughing at the florist. -
Chicago Record.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

While Captain William H. Bates
was Commissioner of Navigation he
said that "an average of $3.50, 900, 900
annually, for thirty years, has beea
paid by us to foreign ships for ocean
transportation.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

Mistress TO servant bella, where
are those berries 1 told you to put
away?"
Servant -''Johnnie came in a while
ago, marin, and he said he'd put 'em
away for me. p"
Mistress -''You needn't search any
farther for them, Bella. "
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
Absorbing His Fathers Experience.

"That boy o. mine ought to be as
sharp an KNOWN as they make 'em. "
TRAINED him to it, have you9"
"Trained him to it? Why, for four
years that little shaver set at the table
on gold brick that cost his dad
S20O0r-Clevelan Leader.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

"Well, Newfadder, are you and
your wife living in unity now?"
"Er-not exactly. Trinity, guess
you'd call tits ten-pound girl, -
Cincinnati Tribune.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

Smith-"After trying for ten long
years, have at last succeeded in con-
vincing my wife that / am perfect. "
Brown-''Are you sure of it?"
Smith-"Of course am. 1t was
only this morning that she said l was
perfect idiot. Chicago News.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02
RRHE Grange was a

large rambling old
house. And it had
need to be so, for
the Marriots were q
numerous family,
and at Christmas or
in the summer holi-
day season, when
the married son 8
b + ou g h t tn i +
wives, and the mar
ried daughters were
companied d by
their husbands and
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-02

''How did her father strike you
when you called on him?"
First with his left and then with
an umbrella. Detroit Free Press.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1898-07-28
An Egg Record.

The hens laid 1902 eggs in NAV.
The average price for eggs has been
Is cents per dozen, which makes the
months output worth $4,000. The grain
cost $3.50. The Leghorns laid 7O5
eggs. The ten old Minorca hens laid
2O6 eggs, while last May they laid only
1853. An average of 20.6 eggs per hen
in thirty-one days strikes us like
good record. Suppose that we multi
ply that by -, and claim that the
hens averaged 246 eggs per year! 1
wonder whether "egg records are
ever made on that basis? In March,
April and May of last year the ten
Minorcas laid 459 eggs. In these
months of the present year they have
laid 52S eggs-a gain of SO. This gain
is largely due to the fact that we know
how to care for them better than we
did last year. One of the Brahma
hens lost interest in her egg record
April %, and has been incubatine
since then. The other one laid 18 big
eggs in May. That seems like = fair
record, but twenty Minorca bullets
and the ten old hens laid 537 eggs
an average of 17.9! Last year the hens
fell off quite rapidly in June, but there
is no indication Of it this year. Since
giving the hens more range we have
changed the feed. We now give more
corn and stronger morning mash
This has certainly given us more eggs
H. w. c. in Rural New Yorker.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1898-07-28
CTo be Contlnued.)
A Mormon War Pensioner.

"Uncle Sam" Tarwater, who has
reached the ninety-second year of his
age. was in Orrick Saturday after
noon getting his pension papers made
out. He is the only state pensioner
left, and receives 500 yearly for
wounds received in the Mormon war
of 1888 and 1889. He was in the battle
Of Crooked River, fought in the autumn
OF 1888 ten miles east Of I1athrop, Clin-
ton county. In this fight David Patton.
commander of the Morlnons from Far
West, settlement sixteen miles north
east Of Lathrop, was killed. He was
called Capt. Fearnaught. and his men
were armed with corn knives. which
they used as sabers, and during the
fight :'Uncle Sam" was almost hacked
to pieces and left on the field for dead.
He still enjoys good health and de-
lights in telling how he fought the Nor
mons-Orrick (Kas) Times.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1898-07-28
CHATTER LVII.

AStrea's cOnvaleScence was rapid.
She possessed one of those fire. elastic
constitutions that easily rebound from
depression and lightly throw off debi!-
ity. AS she grew well enough to OBJ
serve what was passing around her,
she began to discover that something
unusual had occurred; that serious
change had taken place in the family.
She no longer heard Rumford's voice
or step; but the negroes walked ABOUT
with greater liberty and convcrsed
with more freedom.
What had happened?
That he was not ill she knew. be-
cause his room, next to her own, was
unoccupied
BY little and little she first began to
suspect, and then to know, that the
planter was dead, and that his heirs
were soon expected to arrive.
BY the same slow process she grad
ually came to the knowledge that she
had been ill of brain fever for many
days. And she inferred that Rumford
must have died during her own ILL
less.
Hitherto she had vainly sought to
gain any correct Information from We
nus. fhlT
Venus had either evaded her ques-
tions or else answered them with what
she considered, under the circum-
stances. justifiablc falsehOod. No one
is perfect, and the reader already
knows that Venus, Notwithstanding all
her other good traits Of character, had
Il supreme contempt for truth, which
she seemed to consider, like fire, a
good servant but bad master; a
thing to be regarded or condemned, as
Il, promoted or retarded the Interests
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1898-07-28

When a bird has catarrh, scrofula,
heart disease, consumption or diphthe-
ria, it is ascribed to roup. The disease
first catarrh, then pneumonia, and then
consumption, according to the different
stages. Tuberculous diseases, how
ever, may effect the bones, bowels
and throat, as we'll as the lungs, says
Farm and Fireside. An English ex-
perimenter asserts that he has proved
that tuberculosis in fowls is entirely
distinct from that which affects the
human family and the mammalian an
imals, and that it is the result of filthy
and unhealthy surroundings, being con-
tagious from fowl to fowl, even ap-
pearing when new hocks are put into
yards where it had previously been, if
the yards were not thoroughly cleansed
and disinfected before the fowls were
put in. 1t has been claimed that fowls
cannot contract it from the human race
or from animals, as some experiments
made by feeding them for three months
on infective tuberculous matter from
consumptive human patients and from
tuberculous horses and cows indicated.
Systematic cleansing and disinfecting
of poultry yards, the removal of excre-
ment, and feeding on clean surfaces,
with care in the selection of birds from
healthy situations, are means which
give an amount of protection from in
cursion and spread of the disease, while
isolation Of Sllsnpctad animals nm hot
ter, killing out and disinfection may be
advisable when the disease is, once es-
tablished.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1898-07-28
The Sweep in switzerland

In Switzerland the chimney sweep Is
an official parsonage. He is the en-
ploye of the commune, receiving a
fixed salary. He is also, as many tour.
lists will have noticed, one of the few
sons of the Helvetian Republic who on
Sundays and week days sports tall
silk hat On his official tour he takes it
off blandly, and informs the household
er that he sis empowered by the state
to inspect his tlues." In the canton OF
Grisons, recently. the post and title OF
communal chimney sweep" was open.
ed to competition. The salary was G32
a year, and the candidates were n,l-
merous. But the strange thing was
that they were mostly schoolmasters
from Italy, painful sign of the times
in that unrestful land.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1898-07-28

gs I'm & Doctor, TINS is uearn!'
oh no, you are better" said the
4 physician, telling the usual be-
neyOlent story.
~ sad shake of the head was the
only answer of the dying man. who
with another feeble effort beckoned
the other two gentlemen to draw near.
& W;liSn they had approached quite close,
he fssltered forth:
The girl Zora-must be free.
sSEE Haf you not better dictate VIII.
EirY inquired lawyer.
"A sill 1t shake of the head was the
'"Thd e is no time,' whispered DIR.
Herki Ter to the lawyer. The has not
half IN hours life in him! and what
has Eeft, short as it is, should be de-
y9tc& to prayer"
~ Nok "a word of this speech reached
tns patients ear; vet the same thought
4 vas evidently passing in his own
B mind. for he looked wistfully in the
4 FACE OF the minister.
MT. Palmer stopped down to hear
what Re wished to speak.
have been bad servant. What
viii the Great Master, say"to me-"
The minister took his nearly pulse
less hand, and spoke to him OF the
infinite mercy of the Father; of the
perfect .atonenlent of the Son; of the
Tree grace offered to the greatest
u sinner who repents, even at the
eleventh hour.
Rumford, with all his faults. had
never been harsh. impIacab!e. or un
forgiving. This softness of heart pre-
served even in the midst of life OF
reckless vices. rendered him more i'm
clasSible. II religious truth, more re
cel W divine grace, and more
aft "a by the infinite love revealed
in JtGe atonement. Broken, subdued
helpless, dying, he was melted into
tears.
Seeing this, the minister knelt BY
. his bed, and prayed earnestly te
heaven for the repentance, pardon anC
salvation of this sinner. The dying
man .clasped his hands, and SILENT!
accompanied the minister in this
prayer. And when, at last, Mr.. Palm
er rose from his knees and looked up
on the patient, he saw that the sou
had already passed, leaving the deaC
u hands clasped in prayer for pardon
a,gand the dead face still wet with the
Wears of penitence.
HI HE is gOne,' said the doctor, Will
4 his finger on the dead mans pulse.
''May peace be with him. 'murmurc6
/. The minister. as he gently closed tn,
a Aghtless eyes.
%.Iou are witnesses. gentlemen, tt
E,his expressed will in regard to the cir
)Zora." said the lawyer, as he left the
! chamber of death to give orders con.
: cerning the funeral. For in tina, hot
climate, short space is allowed be-
tween death and burial.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1898-07-28
The Oldest Hen.

Speaking about one thing and an
other It may be interesting to your
many readers to know that It Is the be-
lief Of all have ever heard speak, or
all have ever seen In print, that the
White Leghorns are the longest lived
of any breed of poultry. writes r. Nj.
Smith in Reliable Poultry Journal.
There is one hen near us here that was
Matched in July, 1879, and has contin-
ued to furnish the usual quantity OF
eggs regularly year after year ever
since, until this season. This hen mas
never been brcody until last season,
when a few egYa we're put under ner
which were near the end OF incubation,
having been taken out from nest that
was covered by Cocheu hen. Mag
gfe," as this old White Leghorn hen
is called, finished the incubation and
raised the chicks all right, taking the
best of care of them, and to mend
matters she was. from all appearances,
boss of the yard, being able to retain
her authority from the fact that she
has spurs that measure one and three
quarter inches in length. This hen Is
still on the same farm near here, own
ed by Mr. Benjamin Wingard, has
passed through rough weather and
chicken diseases without blemish-
in fact, Mr.. Wingard says she was the
only hen that he had left after the
chicken cholera cleaned out his entire
flock two years in succession. MT.
Wingard says that this hen has aver
aged about $50 eggs each year, and is
now past, or near at least, 10 years OF
age. Taking it all in all, 3,24O eggs
from one hen is a great record. This
hen is now blind, but is taken care OF
by Mrs. Wingard in every way SEEM
ing to know her voice from all others
about the farm. 1t eats out of her
hand, and, in fact, depends on Mrs.
Wingard for It's living, being unable
to look for it itself. 1t is the inten-
ton Of Mr. Wingard to take this bird
to the show in Indianapolis the coming
season and exhibit her as the oldest
hen on record. Perhaps this is rather
broad way of putting it, but he claims
it anyway. Can any CT your readers
put in better claim?