Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-11-23

"My DEAR" replied Moody, don't you
see, if | had not called the boys atten-
ton to the fact that we were playing au-
thors' all the morning papers would GER
tainly have announced under big headlines
that D. L. Moody had been discovered
in a San Francisco hotel engaged in a
game Of cards?"
They were discussing battleships at the
table in Mrs. Prunem's clearinghouse.
''Ihese big bullets" said Slithers.
reaching a biscuit off the plate in front of
him, must be terrible things"
4 smile went around the board, and
the landlady looked daggers at the in
trepid man. The conversation turned to
engagements on the water.
III just tell YOU said Bates in a loud
tone, at the same time raising a piece OF
steak on his fork and surveying it in IL
casual way, ''this Harveyized steel will
stand a good deal of battering before it
will give way. l think the inventor OF
it ought to be rewarded"
The landlady shifted, and there was a
general litter. The fellow that wore the
broadest smile was Cobbs Some one had
just handed him the butter, and he was
about to help himself, holding the dish
in his hand when he remarked, as he
looked intently at his burden:
This powerful stuff here he was
interrupted by a fit of coughing that
they put in torpedoes-'
But the landlady had fed.-Globe Dem
Ocrat.
Mr.. Anxious (reading newspaper
Here is a wedding in which the bride
and groom are deaf and the minister is a
mute as well'
Mrs. Anxious (sarcastically)- THAT
must be one of those quiet weddings the
papers speak f."-Philadelphia Call.
A certain Oakland county minister of
the Methodist persuasion was annoyed
on a recent Sabbath by the drowsiness
Of his congregation. He suddenly stopped
in the middle of his discourse. and in a
pleasant voice remarked: eff some of
you people will wake up, I'll tell you
something" A smile flickered over the
faces Of the congregation and there was
no more drowsiness that morning.
'Brien-"And SO Jaykers is proud av
his DESCENT, is hep
McTurk-"Yes; he is terribly stuck up
about il"
O'Brien-"Wen, begorra, DIVE bit
av DESCENT meself to boast about. Oh
DESCENDED four stories wanst whin the
ladder broke and niyer sphilled q brick!'
Baltimore Sun.
You needn't jump out of the way"
sarcastically remarked the monkey
backed youth. You won't get run over.
This is a safety"
1T isn't the machine I'm afraid Of"
replied Uncle Allen Sparks, thoroughly
reused. It's the darned fool that's rid
ing it. New York Herald.
Younger Sister-'Why did you tell GIr.
Callagain how old / ann"
Elder Sister-'YOu too young for that
to make any difference Now. it would be
different if you were to tell him my age"
''Well, I didn't. | only told him you
were ten years older than / am" Truth.
"You will observe" said the professor.
that the higher the altitude attained the
colder the temperature becomes" But
isn't it warmer up in the mountains:'
asked the youth at the foot of the class,
whose father was in the hardware line
Certainly not" replied the professor
why do you think it would be warmer
there?' Il thought the atmosphere was
heated by the mountain ranges" answered
the youngest Words.
-o(-
How unlucky you have always been
with your love affairs" said Mcbride,
pityingly. to his friend, Tenterhook
ION the contrary" replied TenterhOok
every girl | ever fell in love with has
married someone else."-Judge.