davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

MARK TWAIN's BABY STORY.
How the Eloquent Minister Came to
Talk Too Much at . Christi
eniuU.

Talk Too Much At . Christi
ching.
From the Brooklyn Eagle.
The following anecdote. related by Mark
Twain. has. I believe. never appeared IN
print. At an entertainment given for the
benefit Of the seamen on board the steamer
Kaiser Wilhelm H., on her voyage from
New York to Genoa, Mr.; Clemens was post
rose and in his peculiar o Of voice and
"My friends. I see that my name is on
the programme for an address. AS this
was done without consulting me, I shall
give you an anecdote in its place. Now. you
know there are anecdotes and anecdotes.
short meter and long meter. I shall give
you a long meter one with a snapper at
the end. 1t is about a Scotch-!rish minis
ter who thought he was called to preach
the Gospel, while he knew hat ne had the
gift Of oratory. and he never missed the
opportunity to display it. An opportunity
was offered on the occasion Of a christen-
ing. There was a considerable audience
bors of the parents. The preacher began
1--we have met together, my friends. on
a very interesting occasion-the christening
of disappointment on your faces. Is 1t be-
cause this infant is SO small? We must
bear in mind that this globe upon which
we live is made up of small things. infn-
itesimal objects. we might say. Little
drops of water make the mighty ocean:
the mountains which rear their hoary
heads toward heaven and are often lost
in the clouds are made up of little grains
of sand. Besides, my friends, We must
take into consideration the possibilities In
the life of this little speck of humanity.
He may become a great preacher, multi
tudes may be swayed by his eloquence and
brought to see and believe in the truths of
the Gospel. He may be a distinguished
physician. and his fame as a healer of men
may reach the uttermost parts of the earth,
and his name go down to posterity as one
of the greatest benefactors of humanity.
He may become a great astronomer and
read the heavens as an open book. He may
discover new stars, which may be known by
his name, and his name may be coupled
with that of Newton and other great dis
coverer9. He may become a distinguished
statesman and orator. and by the strength
of his intellect and eloquence he may con-
troll the destinies of nations, and his name
to perpetuate his memory by his admiring
and grateful countrymen. He may become
an author and a poet. and his name may
yet appear among those now entombed at
Westminster. He may become a great war
rior and lead armies to battle and victory;
his proves and valor may change the map
of Europe. Methinks I hear the plaudits
of the people at the mention of his deeds
and name. He may become-'er, 'er-he
might-'er-'
Turning to the mother:
""What is his name?'"
1.-THE mother-'What Is the baby's name?'
Yes what is his name?'
1.-THE mother-'Its name is Mary Ann"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
GEoRGIA's REMARKABLE FREAK
The Mind of Jeptha Palmer Ii . Blank
Except for Music and
Machinery.

Jeptha Palmer, who lives in a log cabin
a few miles from the village Of Paramount.
in the North Georgia mountains, is one OF
the most remarkable prodigies that ever
lived. He has always been a hopeless
idiot in all respects except two, and In
these two directions he displays a genius
that is almost supernatural. These re-
markable gifts relate to the construction
Of machinery and the composition and pro-
his present home in the Georgia mountains
in 1S4S. His father was a poor tenant
farmer who spent his life toiling on an
unproductive farm and died as
he began-ignorant and pennies. Jepthas
early childhood showed no indication mat
he would ever be anything more than a
call for food or find his way from the barn
to the residence when he was Z years Old.
and his parents and all who knew him
supposed that he would have to be attend
ed all his life as a hopeless infant.
But when Palmer was in his Sth year a
travelling horse-powsr wheat thrasher
ton of the machine SO greatly amazed the
boy that he stood gazing at II the Whole
day, much to the amusement OF the work
men and b~y,sta ans 1s;,a FINALLY 1anS b Wneh nv sq pbe
arm and led him OF to the house against
the furious protest Of the boy. who re-
marked as he walked away: Il gwine to
make me one O. them things.
For several days after the thrashing ma
chine left the Palmer home it was noticed
that Jeptha was very busily engaged at
something out behind the yard fence, and
one day, when his mother was passing
that way, she was astonished to see that
he had a complete model OF the whole
thrashing machine in successful operation:
He had made it with his pocketkn1fe
and was using strings for belts.
Shortly after this he went with his moth
err to the washing place, and while stir
ring the fire under the wash pot with a
stick he accidentally stuck the stick in the
top rim of the pot and the clear ring of
the hollow metal filled him with wonder he
had never before known. He struck the
Dot again and again and was delighted
to work and in a short time had completed
an instrument consisting Of long and snort
strips of rawhide stretched across a tri-
angular wooden frame, and on this he was
able to produce excellent music. Up to this
time he had never seen or heard a mu-
steal instrument Of any kind.
When 16 years old Palmer made a clock
entirely of wood and used stone weights.
This clock, which was constructed with the
and kept excellent time. During the next
five years h made some forty or fifty OF
these wooden clocks with wooden weights.
and, although none Is now In use, quite a
number can be found in the houses OF the
neighborhood.
Since his youth he has been enabled to
Immediately write out the music of any u m
he may heal produced vocally or instru-
mentally, and he has produced as many as
positions. Among his compositions are
polkas. waltzes n marches. pronounced
by musical critics to be of the highest
class.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
High School Pupils Entertainment.

Not all the combined elements Of storm
could keep the friends and relatives Of the
pupils of the high school away from the
fifth annua open session Of the Society
in the high school auditorium last night.
When the curtain went up on a scene repre-
senting a garden party of the empress
seats in the hall. The programme which
included declamations. essays and vocal
solos, was concluded with the presentation
OF an original one act farce entitled "A
Troublesome Aunt" The farce. which was
written by the members of the open seS-
sion committee. was cleverly constructed
and as admirably interpreted
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
VICTORY FOR THE P00LR00Ms.
Anti-GamblinE Law Uncon
st~ituti0nal.

Judge Alden, Of the district court in Kan
sas City, Kas., yesterday handed down a
decision in the poolroom cases. He held
the law unconstitutional. and. beginning
with Monday. this class of gambling will
flourish unmolested in the Kansas metrop-
oils.
Kansas City. Kas.. promises to soon de-
velop into a live town. from the race horse
mans standpoint. Within thirty minutes
after Judge Alden's decision was announced
a contract was entered into between Lester
Kerr, manager of the Kerr race track. Just
outside the city limits on the Kansas side.
and some local sporting men. whereby the
track becomes the property Of the latter
for the next racing season. The lease has
been signed, and speedy preparations are
being made for a spring meeting, to open
the latter part Of next month. Tn meet
ing is to be opened with a big handicap.
which will b worth, to the winner, at
least 81 1000.
It is claimed that a st. Louis bookmaker
has leased the track. but it is generally be-
lieved among local sporting men that
City bookmaker. and others will have
charge of the meeting. The Carey pool
room on Ewing street in Kansas City. Kas-,
open until the spring meeting at Kerr's
park convenes. The Bibbs-Oldham pool
room in the Hanson opera house on the
Kansas side will also reopen
The leasing Of the race track in Kansas
City, Kas., is the firing Of the first shot
in a poolroom war on the Kansas side
similar to the trouble at the Ingleside
track in California.
1t Is argued that there Is not enough bust
ness to support two poolrooms in Kansas
| City, Kas., and both Carey and the Bibbs-
Oldham combination are determined to op-
crate. A foreign book will be opened at the
track, and this will naturally force the
poolrooms in the city to suspend. Carey
and his crowd are heavy property owners
on the Kansas side. and they claim they
will do business in the city II anybody in
permitted to do so.
Judge Alden. in his decision yesterday de-
claring the Cubbison poolroom law uncon-
stitutional, threw the bars down for pool
| rooms, as far as that statute Is concerned.
The ground upon which the poolroom men
won their victory was that. while the pool
room law, according to its title. was an act
prohibiting, the making OF pools on horse
races, in the same statute the making of
| pools on horse races was regulated. The
law provided that it should be unlawful TO
make pools on horse races in Kansas. with
the exception Of ten days in each year, and
that the pools must be made within a race
track Enclosure.
The attorneys for the poolroom men ar
gued that a law could not prohibit a thing
and regulate it at the same time. The same
North side city court. with Judge Fisher.
of the South side city court, associating-
Judge Pfost held the law to be unconstitu-
tional. while Judge Fisher decided that it
was constitutional. Judge Pfost. upon learn.
ing that his decision had been sustained by
Judge Alden, was as much elated AZ were
the poolroom men.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
N~eapOlitan Salad.

Set a small stone bowl with the yolks OF
two eggs into cracked ice: add one even
teaspoonful salt. one-half teaspoonful Eng
fish mustard and a little red pepper: stir
nye minutes and then add. drop by drop.
three-duarters cupful of salad oil; as II
thickens add a little white vinegar (about
one teaspoonful in alD; then add one table
spoonful finely chopped onion. one table,
spoonful tarragon vinegar. one-quarter tea
spoonful white pepper. and lastly one cup
mi whipped cream Tor in place of cream
add the beaten whites of two eggs: into
n salad bowl put one-half pint finely cut
boiled potatoes. two hardboiled eggs and
one-half cupful pickles. all finely cut. and
one-half pint finely shredded cabbage; pouF
over half the ~mayonnaise. mix well to-
Rether and cover with the remainder of the
shredded lettuce leaves Tor shredded cab.
bage). hard boiled eggs and finely chopped
beets.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

bounced into the room. They confiscated
all the dice and money and locked the
door on the players while the patrol way
ons were called. As the men were being
CAP
At Central police station two Of the ne
croes walked up the steps to the second
floor of the city hall building while the
attention Of the officers was taken in regis
tering the prisoners. Their escape was
noticed and Detective Sparks started in pur-
suit. He overlook one of the men in the
corridor, but the other made his escape
The detectives say the crap game was
being run by John Hughes. a colored man.
The negroes were all locked up to appear
in police court tomorrow morning.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

from the nose. puffy feeling in the eyes.
headache, more or less sore throat, some
times cough. aching of the bones. general
lassitude. A course with Pe-ru.na should
symptom. Pe-ru-na is the only remedy that
can be relied upon to promptly check this
disease. Mr.. A. l.. Raceville, Delaware.
than all the other medicines recommended
for chronic colds. I speak from self-ex-
perience when I say 1t Is one OF the best
remedies known"
Everybody should have q copy Of DR..
Hartman's latest book on chronic catarrh.
Sen. free by The Pe,ru-na Drug Manu-
featuring Company, Columbus. Ohio.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
Syllabub.

Half q pint of thick cream. Juice of a
quarter Of a lemon. rind of a quarter Of q
lemon. one tablespoonful of brandy df
liked). three whites Of eggs and Pulverized
juice and rind together with the cream:
sweeten to taste. Whisk the whites Of the
(probably about half an hour). taking OF
the froth as It rises and laying it on a hair
sieve to drain. When all the froth has
cups filled about quarter full with any
wine or we'll favored custard. Fill up the
glasses with the froth and serve.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

in reality spring
catarrh. The relax
ing influences of
spring weather to-
gether with the
changeableness of
the temperature,
constitute the chief
causes. Its onset Is
sudden. There may
have been no ex-
posture to the cii-
mate. 1t often be-
gins In the night
while sleeping, and
q person is left to
wonder where he
has caught cold.
Waferv DISCHARGE
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

kava kaua ComPound.
Natures Wonderful Cure for Kidney. Bladder, Urin-
ap Organs, Rheuma tism and Female Complaint.
Thousands who had despaired of recov-
cry are among those who applaud its mer-
its the highest.
Sure cure for the most powerful m dam
gerous of the diseases which effect man
kind.
The London Medical Recorder says:
1.-THE test has been complete and quite
sufficient to establish beyond any doubt
the facts that in Kava kava We have a
valuable and positive specific for the kid
ney and urinary disorders. Among the
thirty-five persons last cured and dis
charged from the hospital. eleven were
cases considered incurable. In none of
these eleven cases was kava kaya used
longer than two months, and in most of
them the time of its use did not exceed
forty days"
USED FOR:
Bright's Disease, Diabetes. Catarrh of
Bladder, Leptitis, Stone in Bladder. Call
stones. Inflamed Ureter. Renal Celonli.
Liver Complaint, and all Blood Impuri-
ties due to defective action Of the kidneys.
Never fails.
TO SUCH ABOVE AFFLICTED-For
two days can. on application. receive a
FREE SAMPLE, in dry form, or will sell
the large bottles at one-half the regular
price. KAVA-KAVA KIDNEY CURE Co.
1919 Virginia Ave-, Kansas City, 10.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

Cynthia waved her ian WIN Glees
And. being in q playful mood.
And babe me "nirt 1t" IL I could.
The pleasing toll I quick began.
Madam. ! cannot .nirt q fam
But by your leave I'll fan 4 hirt-"
Thus did an aforetims lovers heartache
find relief In epigram. We are not. how
ever, admitted to the secret, of the variety
of fan flirting thai had inflicted the wound.
although. perhaps. the omission is due to
innocence OF the analytical science OF the
instrument Of torture. These are the four
ways of using the IAN:
verging on the l~achrymose. yet tempered
with Christian resignation. and perhaps
s Tisa a sly y Millin IN .ne to SoG sry again IyeS This bis
lost him; I've had him, and I've lost him."
emphatic, snappy. One can imagine the
corkscrew curls dancing UP and down as
the fan Enthusiastically says: Il could have
had him-if I'd wanted him!" Then there
is the matron's way-serene, self-satfsfied.
thoroughly content With life; " e, got thin him:
girls way. The fan futters feverishly and
himI"
II was Addison who said that women were
armed with fans as men with swords, and
sometimes did more execution with them,
and one of his most charming essays is
that called 1.-THE Exercise of the Fam. or
Fan Drill" But even Addison failed to
classify the motions of the fan used by the
widow, spinster. matron and maid. A letter
in the Spectator. purporting to be from a
fashionable woman of the time. slightly re-
duced in circumstances. informs the public
OF thai day that she had erected an acad-
envy for the training up of young women
in the exercise of the fan according to the
most fashionable airs and motions then
practiced in court. .
The ladies who carry fans under me-"
she goes on to say, are drawn up twice
a day In my great hall, where they are
instructed in the use OF their arms and
exercised by the following words of COM
mand:
Handle your FANS
"'Unfurl your FANS
Discharge your fans!
Ground your fans"
Recover your fans"
"'F1utter your fans.
by the right observation OF these few
plain words of command a woman Of toll.
cradle genius who will apply herself dill.
gently to her exercise for the space Of one.
half year shall be able to give her fan al
the graces that can possibly enter into thai
little modish machine"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
Lost All Interest In Life.

From the indianapolis Journal.
.'Hain't seen your uncle Ezra for some
time" said the grocer: Is he sick!"
farmer. But since HI Armstrong; boy
came back from the Klondike with them
weather stories the pore Teller sorter seems
to think they amt no more show fer him
to be listened to, an he don't do nothin' but
Set around home an NOPE"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
BARTENDER TAKES MORPHINE.
John DOM, Failing to Secure EN-
ployment, Attempts to Com
NIT Suicide.

John Dohn, a bartender. became despond-
emit because he could not secure employ
ment and Friday took ten grains OF NOR
phine in a room at the Harms hotel. ss
Union avenue. He was discovered yester-
dav afternoon about 3 o'clock by q cham
hermaid. who heard him breathing heavily.
He was removed to Central police station.
where Assistant Surgeon Norberg revived
him. Dohn had been drinking heavily for
some time. He came to this city four
weeks ago,
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

Perry Patattic-'I wonder how one Of
them fellers that has a steady job and
works every day feels?" Wayworn Watson
You better not let your thinker run on
them ideas. First thing you na1 know you may
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
RAIDED A CRAP GAME.
An Even Two Dozen Negroes Gap
tured, but Three Made
Their EacQpe.

A crap game was raided In the basement
Of SIG Independence avenue last night by
D.tective sparks, Greeley and McAnany.
Tuentv-four negroes were captured. but
three escaped before they were LANDED in
a cell in Central police station. The detect
ives captured a negro who was acting as
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

William Smith,. alias Robinson, colored.
who lives near the Missouri gas plant on
the river 'front.', yesterday solicited aims.
claiming his 7-year-old daughter had been
killed by a street car at Fourth and Wal
nut. Detectives Carroll and Murphy arrest
ed him. At police headquarters he admit
ted his story was without the slightest
foundation.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27

His mistake-"what do you consider the
Chairman OF the committee of women that
was locking into the conditions existing in
the penitentiary. 'Giving up good cash to a
poor lawyer" bitterly replied the convict
Who had just been sent down-"-Chicago
Post.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
SPRING CATARRH.
A Disease That Prevails During the
Early Spring Months.

There is a disease somewhat resembling
la grippe, beginning very much Xix a COM
mon cold, often called influenza, which is
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1898-03-27
THE F%LIRTATI0Us FAN.
Four Ways of Using the Graceful
wenpOn-AddisOn's Fan
Drill.

Cynthia waved her fan with Gee,
And. being in q playful mood.
She gave the airy toy to me.
And babe me '.hirt II" IL I could.
The pleasing toll I quick began.
But Jealous pangs my bosom hurt;
Madam, ! annot dirt = FAM
But nv YOUR leave I'll fan q dirt."
The daily morning journal and courier., 1898-03-25
THE CONSOLIDATION SALE.

Great Throngs of Buyers at F. M.
 Brown & Co.'S Yesterday.
 F. M. Brown 6, Co.'s great consolida- ton sale yesterday drew thousands of New Haven keen buyers who always know where they can get the greatest values for their money. The store was literally thronged with people, nearly all ladies, and among the vast crowds the greater number were buyers. Hun dreds of the ladies expressed their sat isfaction at the, consolidation of the two stores, soon to be made, and highly com mended the firm for it's efforts to con- duce to their convenience. That they are to be saved the unpleasant walk across Gregson street in going from one store to the other through gales of wind which even the strongest men hesi- tated to brave, and which sweep through narrow Gregson street in stormy seasons is a cause of much sat isfaction to the thousands of ladies who patronize the big store. Much surprise was evidenced among the shoppers yesterday that the very finest of spring goods are being offered at really cost prices. But all this is nec- essary in order to prepare for the re- moval to the greatly enlarged west store.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1898-03-25
GOLDEN WEDDING.

MT. and Mrs H. L. Burr of 46 Yer non street delightfully."- celebrated their golden wedding on the 22d inst. Among those present were Hon. Judge Fenn of Terryville, MT. and Mrs. William T. Goodwin of Terryville, Mrs. Andrews of Vermont, Mrs. Rouse of Bristol, Mrs Lena Williams of Hartford, Mrs. Glazer of Hartford, Mrs. Thayer of Hartford, Mrs Ing1ass of Hartford, Mrs Loomis, eighty-four years of age, of Hartford, very spry woman; Chief Bill and wife of Hartford, Dr. Hunt and wife of Fair Haven, E. Lewis Burr and wife of Stafford Springs, Mrs. Williams, Mrs. Warren of Worcester, MT. and Mrs. Thayer of Springfield. From this city were MT. and Mrs. Whitmore, Mrs. Morris, Mrs. Bunnell, Mrs Gilbert, Mrs. Scott, Tomlinson, J. Fairchild and wife, Mrs. E. M. Beach, Prof. Beach, Mrs. E. M. Shipman and many others. Covers were laid for twenty-five couples. Quite number of valuable presents were received by the happy old couple, who are just as spry as a young couple. A very large range was received from a party of Providence friends. Flowers in pro- fusion graced the scene. A very large bridal cake covered with lilies of the valley was one of the many features of the affair.