Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1898-04-14

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Oh, Havana! What an odor Connect
cut Is raising in thy name!
It seems to be popularity Of French
criminal trials that the conviction pre-
cedes the prosecution.
A Denver saloon-keeper offers print
ed war song with each drink. The song
probably is enough to drive anyone to
drink.
When the ocean is not big enough to
accommodate our new navy any longer
without crowding, we will buy another
ocean, that's all.
That Hamburg astronomer who
moon must have used an unusually
large glass-a schooner" perhaps.
Recent statistics prove that the con-
sumption of whisky throughout the
West is steadily decreasing. That
shows what became of the air ship.
American bicycles have become so
popular in Germany that German man
ufacturers are hunting for methods to
keep Americans out of the market.
We are constantly told that ''Spain
has great pride" 1t is fortunate that
she has. She doesn't seem to be over
stocked with anything else, except it is
diabolism.
The modern folding bed and the SEN
sational newspaper correspondents are
both employed for lying purposes, but
the similarity ends right there. The bed
shuts up occasionally.
A poet in the London Spectator has
excited the derision of the English
speaking world by rc--.arking Il try to
remember the future" Yet how many
people nave sun eEeu u1SdSlcE by CdIG-
lessness in the matter Of futures.
An Eastern advertiser prints picture
of a campaign rooster over an adver-
tisement, saying: "This is the hen that
Laid the eggs that we sell 16 for %
cents Dozen" That advertiser should
be arrested for a fraudulent use Of the
male.
Special dispatches from Cadiz, Ky.
announce that Miss Beatrice Cunning
ham of that place has recently publish
ed a novel, the sale of which she is now
accelerating by giving kiss with each
book. She probable will do fine male
order business.
Oscar Wilde is undeniably a wit,
even though he may be wicked. "How
are English prisoners treated!' some
one asked him after his own release.
''Why," he responded, England treats
her prisoners so badly that she does
not deserve to have any"
There is a bad state of affairs in
Cleveland, Ohio. The Plain Dealer re-
ports man as saying: my cigar last
night cost me dollar "How sop
Queried his friend. II smoked it at
home, and my wife was sure the gas
was leaking and telephoned for a
plumber
A bachelor philosopher remarks that
mo man ever wants to kiss girl after
ne has once seen her hold a nickel the
tween her teeth, while she gets her
purse open," and he further intimates
that such a girl is only fit to kiss pug
dog. Of course bachelors are not al
ways responsible critics.
A little girl in New York school
screamed at the sight of a mouse. The
children became panic-stricken and
rushed screaming out of the room, the
teachers ordered a fire drill, a fire
alarm was rung in, distra cted parents
fought to enter the building and save
their children from the supposed
flames. And all for one small mouse.
Rash is the man that dares to laugh at
the feminine fear of a mouse!
A matchmaker who brought suit for
divorce a year ago has been arrested
at the instigation of his wife thirty
five times since then, and has spent the
major portion of his time in Jail await
ing trial on some frivolous charge or