Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-08-29
HuMOR OF THE DAY,

4e5-curllnG IRON.
Photographer Ito captain in his new
uniform)-"Look fierce, please. -
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"My Lord" said the foreman of
an Irish jury, when giving in his ver-
dict, tive find the man who stole the
mare not guilty"
81 believe he thinks more of her
money than he does OF her." 'Yes.
He always had such good taste. -
Detroit Free Press.
Little Mary (sobbing on mammals
shoulder after scolding by papa)-
Mamma, don't you just wish we had
never married papa?"
Grandmamma-''What are you do
ing in the pantry, Tommy?" Tom
my-"Oh, I'm just putting few
things away, gran'ma!'
Goodness! I don't see how Mrs.
Pennypurse can stick on SO many dia-
monds." Easily enough. They're
paste. Brooklyn Life.
"What did she say?" "She said
she'd file my proposal with all the
others and consider it when she got
down to it. ''-Harper's Bazar.
"You can always Judge man by
the company he keeps" That's
pretty tough on the warden of the
penitentiary. Detroit Free Press.
Hotel Proprietor-"We have an
orchestra to play during meals. +"
Prospective Guest-"The favorite air
should be Hail to the Chef. %
Puck.
Don't you ever get a vacation,
Hopper" Eyes; the clerk in our
office who makes puns goes away for
two weeks every summer. "-Chicago
Times Herald.
He-"That vessel out there is hug
ging the shore closely" She-''Yes;
and / regret to say that at this mo-
ment the situation is unparalleled. -
New York World.
GLOW is your wife?" Cum, her
deal this year" Sick headache?"
"Not exactly. She keeps wanting
new hat every four weeks"
"Papa," said Freddie, "the Span.
iards call us Yankee pigs; why don't
we call them some horrid name?"
eve do" said little Tim. "We call
them Spaniards. ''-Harper's Bazaar.
Husband-"Do you realize that
your clothes have cost me over $4,000
during the last year," She-''lt was
all done because 1 wanted to look well
before you, dear. Detroit Free
Press.
Mrs. Caudle-"Wake up, jeremiah
I do believe there's man in the
room" Caudle-"Yes, dear; and he's
trying his best to get few winks of
sleep. Good night. New York
World.
can army nurse has to be at least
twenty-five years oldl" The brave
girl quailed. "They must think
we're dead anxious to be nursesr" she
exclaimed, much perturbed. Detroit
Journal.
Aged Millionaire-''And you refuse
me?" Miss Beauti-"I am sorry, sir,
but I cannot be your wife" SIS it
because I am too old?" "No. Be-
cause you are not older. New York
Weekly.
Edith-"It requires lots of courage
for Laura to go away as an army
nurse" May-"Oh, L don't know
There are few men to be found any
where else. ."-Philadelphia North
American.
''Say, pa, asked the little son of
railroad conductor, whats an ex-
cheq"er?" Gan ex-checker!' ex-
claimed the ticket puncher. "Why,
that must be retired baggageman. -
Chicago News.
''Do you ride wheel?" she asked
"Well, don't know that I would be
exactly justified in claiming that" he
replied, ''but now and then L have
wrestling match with one of them. -
Chicago Evening Post.
Give cured my husbands insom-
MIA" "How did you do it?"
Pretended was sick, and the doe
tor left medicine which Henry was to
give me every half-hour all night
long. Chicago Record.
"Tell me about your graduating
class photograph, Miss Lily "Well,
all those homely girls standing up at
the back are the smart ones; all those
pretty girls sitting down in front are
the silly ones. Chicago Record.
''Is there any danger of the boa
constructor biting me?" asked lady
visitor at the Geological Gardens.
Not the least, marm," cried the
Snowman. "He never bites; he
swallows his wittles whole. Tit Bits.
"To what do you attribute the cura-
tive properties of your springs?'
asked a visitor at health resort.
"Well," answered the proprietor,
thoughtfully, II guess the advertising
I've done has had something to do
with it,"
81 see that they have put sound
ing board at the back of the minister's
pulpit" said Baron. "What do you