Mesa free press., 1898-04-08

They lived up by the Klondike,
And the ground was full Of gold
washington Star.
Had One.-Willie-Say, pa, what's a
doating debt? Pa-Our yacht, my son.
Chicago News.
Bill-He's got good square head on
his shoulders. Jill-Sort Of hollow
square, isn't it?-Yonkers Statesman.
Englishman-I have no time to waste
fighting a duel. Frenchman-1t only
requires two onds.-Chicago News.
Artist-How much do you think that
picture is worth? visitor-I have no
idea Of the cost of artists Materials
Up-to-Date.
SimmOns-Don't you think poetry Is
declining? Timmins-It isn't declining
30 much as being declined.-Indianapo-
Lis Journal.
Nell-Mr. Stillicus Is only an apology
for man. Believed, wouldn't you
accept an apology If it were ofered?-
Boston Traveller.
She-Yes, they say there's fool in
every family. Don't you think SO? He
-Er-well, you see, I'm the only MEM
Der Of the family.-Pick- Me-Up.
Mistress of the House My good man,
did you ever take a bath? Tramp
No, mum; never took anything big
germ silver teapot -Mt-Bits.
Too High.-Mrs Poeticus-Don't you
think my new hat Is a poem? Poeticss
No. Mrs. Poeticus-Why not? Poeti-
cus-Oh, I'm merely judging by Its
price.-Truth.
Teacher-But can't you define 'bi-
cycle" Suppose some one asked you
what bicycle is, what would you say !?
Pupil-Id say, Don't you know what a
bicycle isY'-Puck.
"a man nowadays" said the young,
cynical boarder, who is upright, Is a
peach. II should suggest" said the
Cheerful Idiot, shat he was plumb
indianapolis Journal.
Eaton makes me tired, Dragging of
his wife all the time, as he does. He
says that all he is he owes to her"
do you call that Dragging about her"
New York Journal.
Barker has little too much self
confidence" 'Ill have to disagree.
Barker has too much sense to put any
confidence in anything he hears himself
say."-Indianapolis Journal.
Browne you ever see a man
who really wanted the earth? Towne
--Oh, yes. Browne-Who was he?
Towne-A first-trip passenger on an
ocean liner.-Brooklyn Life.
"You shall be rich and famous" said
the fortune-teller. "Alas!"" cried the
sitter; "then / am undone. For my
dream was to devote my life to art
Philadelphia North American.
zone great trouble wifi folRs,'. said
Uncle Eben, "is dat dey's H'ble ter mis-
take de smalles speck on dab serenity
for de pint whah patience ceases ter
be virtue" ."-Washington Star.
Quite Likely y.-Brown-What would
you do If some one should leave you a
hundred thousand dollars? Jones
suppose I'd begin to realize how little
hundred thousand really is.-Truth.
"Are you believer in the theory
that to the victors belong the spoils p
':That," replied Senator Sorghum, "de-
pends entirely on whether or not am
one Of the victors. Washington Star.
She-How would you punctuate the
following: "Bank Of England notes Of
various values were blown along the
street by the wind?" He-I think
would make dash after the notes.
Tit-Bits.
"Have you written to your niece?''
sTo Mary?" Eyes" "No, haven't
Fact is, I can't remember how, she
spells her. name lately. It's either
Marie, Marye or Marie. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
Young Parent-Come right in, old
man, and have drink. I'm happy
father. Old Parent-No, my boy; I'm
much obliged; but can't encourage
you in your delusions.-Ph Philadelphia
| North American.
Skinny Bill-Do you believe In
ghosts? Bloody Mike-Do I? | met
one once. Stood right in my path
Gee! What did you do?" "Jis' KEEP
on goin' and went through him."-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Every wet and slippy under foot this
morning. "Not particularly. Out
where live It's worse than this twelve
months in the year, where do you
live. If may ask?" "In lighthouse y
! Chicago Tribune.
Three different walters at hotel
asked prim, precise little professor al
dinner if he would have soup. A little
annoyed, he said to the last waiter who
asked the question: 'Is it compulsory 2
"No, sir" said the waiter. II think It's
mock turtle"
"Oficer," shouted an excited man to
Chicago policeman, "those fellows In
that saloon just stood me on my head
and took away every cent l had?
'"Thim boys at Patsy's," was the off,
GERS commend. as he moved on twas