The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-03-23
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

'O"ON VI iHG CNI'
Some people are like weeds, always
showing up where they are not want
ed.-Atchison Globe.
''Is your wife iiterary?" "Yes;
every time 1 step out of the house at
night she says, QUO Vadis?' ?'"-Chicago
Record.
Appearances are very deceptive, "
remarked the tenor. "'Yes," replied
the prima donna, Especially farewell
appearances. Tit. Bits.
Visitor to Jail-'And how did you
get here?" Confidence Man-"They
gave me five years just for attend.
ing to my business. Puck.
"What do you suppose will come
after the chainless wheel?" asked the
man in the bicycle store. Custom.
ers, hope" was the dealers reply,
The Tramp-"Can you tell me how
[ can get some work, sir?" The Citi.
zen (crustily)-"Yes; buy bicycle,
and try to keep it clean Tit Bits.
"What is an infant prodigy, grand
pa?" can infant prodigy is a little
boy who knows so much that he never
has to ask questions. Chicago
Record.
Mamma-"Isn't he wonderful con-
tortionist?" Pepa-''Yes; / wish l
could do that. Mamma "Why?"
Papa-'I think it might amuse the
baby. Puck
''The sea of matrimony which is not
crossed III love, )" remarked the OBJ
server of men and things, sis perhaps,
after all, the surest not to be angry"
Detroit Journal.
Bridget Ito cross-eyed clerk)-"An'
nov yez any irish eggs, sor?" Clerk
"Plenty. Just look this way, ma am"
Bridget (loftily)-"Shure, an Oi'll not
look that way if Oi niver hov any
Judge.
"Of course a woman can tell funny
story" she exclaimed, Indignantly. "I
never tried to tell one yet that all the
men didn't get to laughing before l
had more than started. indianapolis
Journal.
First Citizeu-"Of course, man is
entitled to his opinion" Second
Citizen-"Of course, and if he's
politician, he's entitled to as many
kinds of opinion as he may need in his
business. Puck.
"How many children have you?'
asked constituent of his Congress-
man. cone" "My wife told me you
had three" "Oh, yes There's the
t,yino. l,ut tbair ,,oirad you knou, ~
Detroit Free Press.
Ethel-"Have you noticed how
Lord Slabsides drops his aspirates?"
Penelope-"Oh, but that's nothing to
the way he drops his vowels-papa
says he has got more than a dozen of
his i-o-u's. Judge.
Tom-"So you are going to marry
Miss Rockingham, Ell? l don't see
what you can see to admire in q girl of
that stripe" Jack-'It isn't her stripe,
but her fathers check that attracts
me. Chicago News.
"Is your sister at home, Willie?'
asked Willie's sisters young man.
"No; heard her say she was engaged
this afternoon but don't be fright
ened; don't think it's a marrying en-
gagement. "-Harper's Pazar.
Dollie-"I wonder why Love is
represented always with wings?"
Mollie-''They are for him 10 use in
flying out of the window when Poverty
comes in at the door. Don't you know
that muchg"-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Old Lady-"Didn't tell you never
to come here again?' Up-to-Date
Tramp-'I hope you will pardon me,
madam, but it's the fault of my secre-
tary; he has neglected to strike your
name from my visiting list. Tit
Bits.
Professor Knowall-"M Vernon,
what would you say if were to tell
you that vanity is but the looking
glass that reflects imaginary virtues
and conceals real faults?" Miss Vernon
(simply)-'I should say you ought to
know. Brooklyn Life
Mistress-"Your name is Maginuis,
you say. Butwhat is your first name?'
Maid-''M ''Mem?" Mistress-"What Is
your first name? Mary, Bridget
Maid-"It's me second name ye'd be
after. H. is Mary. l was a Ma
ginnl4 / was Mary, don't ye
moind?"-Boston Transcrip.
Ethel-"O Clarence! Do you really
mean what you say-that you will do
anything / ask of you?' Clarence
ophomore-"D "Darlingl you have heard
me swear il. Ethel-"Then, dear
est, please, please get yourself APP
pointed centre rush on the Yale foot
ball team next year. Puck.
Mr.. Holme third day outl-"Vera,
I've heard it said that if you will lie
down with your head a little lower
than your feet you will not suffer from
seasickness. Mrs. Vera seldom
Holme lin despair Henry, my feet
have been higher than my head every
minute of the time since we came
aboardw Chicago Tribune.