Mesa free press., 1898-12-30
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Yes, sir" said the man in Cell I'll,
time was when was admitted to the
very best houses" "And what brought
you here" "They caught me coming
put. ."-Tit-Bits.
Bacon-What do you think Of the war
30 far? Egbert-Well, l think If the
American eagle isn't hoarse it must
have an unusually strong throat
Yonkers Statesman.
? "The war;" she said, refectively,
brought about, or at least hurried,
great many marriages" True" he re-
piled, "but why dwell on the horrors Of
warp Chicago Post.
"That book will repay perusal." 'Ts
that SO" "When l started in on 1t
had insomnia dreadfully; but after
reading it two evenings found myself
sleeping like an infant"
Young Poet-Why do you refuse me
as son-inlaw? Is it because lack
merit? Paterfamilias oh, no; it is
simply on account of lack of space. We
are really crowded for room here now.
Judge.
Jobson-Just see how hard Dobson is
working at beating that carpet. Mrs.
work at something Of the kind just
after he reads the war news in the pa
pers. Brooklyn Life.
Dolly-Papa, do they get salt out OF
Salt Lake? Papa-Yes, my dear, large
quantities. Dolly-And ink out Of the
Black Sea? Papa-No; now keep quiet.
Dolly Yessir-Are there any women
on the Isle of Man?-Truth.
Angry Wife-It seems to me we've
been married century. can't even
remember when or where we first met.
Husband (emphatically)-I can. 1t was
at a dinner party where there were
thirteen at Chicago Daily News.
She-How Is it that you sometimes
show such masculine energy, and again
such womanly indecision ?sS He-Oh, i
suppose it is matter of inheritance.
You see, half of my ancestors were men
and half were womenLDas Kleine
Witzblatt.
''The Binkses must buy everything
on the installment plan" What
makes you think soY' II heard Jimmy
Binks ask his father whether their
new baby would be taken away If they
couldn't keep up the payments. Chi
cago Record.
Mrs. Gabb-Are you going to have
your darter take music lessons? Mrs.
Gadd- No, guess not. She hain't no
ear for music. Mrs. Caldwell, I
wouldn't be discouraged at that; meb-
by she might learn to play classic, any
how.--New York Weekly.
IT am astonished," said the scoffer,
''to hear you compare our glorious
country to small boy getting his face
washed" "MeY said the Oratorical
patriot. "How? WhenY 'When you
said it was impossible for the nation to
stand still."- indianapolis Journal.
! "Lawdl Lawdv exclaimed a pious
colored brother, "but amt de Bible
comm true ev'y day! Amt we got
Sampson fightin' fer us? En- amt de
word come clear 'cross de ocean dat
de Nunited States flag waves over de
Philistines ?"-Atlanta Constitution.
After the Correction.-Papa-N
Johnny, I have whipped you only for
your own good. believe I have only
done my duty. Tell me truly, what do
you think yourself? Johnny-If
should tell you what think you'd give
me another whipping.-Boston Tran
script.
Mrs. Younglove-These women who
write about "How Husbands Should
Be Managed"-do you suppose they
manage their husbands \any better
than we do? Mrs. Elders-Do L?
Why, pshaw! child, don't you know
they haven't any husbands ?-Brooklyn
Life.
True.-"What do you think Of my
husbands poems, professor" II think
they will be read when those Of Milton
and Longfellow are forgotten" "HoW
nice of you! But you are saying that
only to please me, I'm afraid" NAY
madam. do but speak the simple
truth. .'-Irutn.
IAIaude-I see you with Charley Tom
Minis good deal. I begin to think you
like him better than your soldier Doy,
Fred. Carrie-Charley is nicer one
way. He is so good, you know. He
writes all my letters to Fred. That's
something Freddy never did. l used
to have to write them myself. "-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Scene Suburban Villa.-Mistress-
Did any one call while was out! Ser
vant-No one, ma'am, excepnn'
tramp. He wanted somethin' to eat,
but / told him there was nothin' ready,
an he'd have to wait till the Teddy OF
the house gets back from the cook1n
school, an mebbe she'd make him