Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1898-02-01

nailed me for vag, and up | went
for four suns At last l struck q
blind tourist car in through string,
and would have got through to jim
town but for them unaccommodating
brakes bad ordering the wagon and
setting it out at New Buffalo So
| when | woke up next morning | found
myself on the siding in dr. town. I
thought I'd stroll along toward Tower
City to wait for another catch.
Il drilled along the road for a few
miles till came to fork in the road,
and pretty soon along comes a firm
wagon going my way. The hired man
was driving, and my wife here was sit
ting on the hind seat l was Just
thinking about striking 'em for a lift,
but the old lady didn't give me no time
to spout. She hollered out, Will YOU
have ride, mister?' and I jumped up
alongside her.
They drove along for some three
or four miles, the old lady talking to
me all the time and the hired man
looking daggers, and when we came to
a fine, big white house she nearly took
my wind away by asking me to step in
and have some refreshments. You
must be cold and hungry she says.
Well, I was; and that's no lawyer
argument
in we went, and the hired mans
wife set up
THE RICHEST SPREAD
I've seen for many elections Then
comes the most surprising part of the
whole show The old lady-my wife
here-Sits down beFide me in the din
ing room, not in the kitchen, and asks
me all sorts Of questions about myself
whether | was married, and how old
l was, and what ever done for liv-
ing, and everything else she could
think of.
We'll, seeing she was SO kind, 1 told
her the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth, except few little things
about getting into coolers and the like.
Then she starts in and let's out the
whole thing about herself without my
asking; about how she was a widow
with lots Of money; that her husband
left her, and how she was letting the
hired man and his wife run the farm,
and living there herself because she
had no friends Or relations to go and
live with, and all sorts of things that
l didn't care about knowing.
Then she stopped short and looked
at me kind Of sweet like and says:
Say, Mister, how would you like to get
married?' 1t was a sumner, sure
enough, but m used to surprises,sso l
didn't fall over on the floor or nothing
like that. / just simply goggled the
old lady without saying nothing for a
little while, then l made the remark
that marrying was a luxury out Of my
reach, because my bank account was
run down too low to negotiate with
the parson. But that didn't make no
difference, and she said so. If you
amt got no wife now says she, and
feel like tying up to an aged individual
like me, just make a sign to that eff
feet, and II make arran gements for
the splicing
MOT TERRIBLY LUCKY"
"Well, the long and short of it is
that Anna and 1 fixed up the deal and
left for Fargo that same afternoon
leaving the hired man to run the
shooting match till we got back. 1t
Fargo she gave me money to replenish
my wardrobe, and, after rigging up in
elegant shape with these toys you see
on me, we goes down to the house Of a
parson and gets the job done up
brown. Then we takes the train for
the East and here we are off for lit
tie honeymoon; then back to the old
homestead"
Don't you feel that you're a pretty
lucky MANI" asked one OF the listen
ers.
Just what you'd notice. answered
the ex-rramp. I'm worth a cool hund-
red thousand now or not a cent
And how is it with you?" was asked
Of the aged bride.
ooh, l don't know. I can't say as
I'm so terribly lucky" promptly an
swered the unblushing bride, but feel
that I've got a fairly good husband
even if he hasn't been an angel all his
life. l took it into my head a month
ago that l wanted husband, and told
the hired man and his wife that I'd
ask the first single nan that crossed
my path, and l kept my word. Mr..
Haskell has promised to reform, and I
know he'll keep his word. / don't ask
him to stop drinking entirely, but he
must drink moderately and not get in
to bad company again"