The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1898-07-01

years" Heavens! Whatswon't q won.
ans love accomplish 3r-Philadelphia
North American.
Dear Bargains.-Klrby lgloomily)-
Wheat went down from $1.O5 to 84c
today. Mrs. KIRBY Thought you men
didn't believe In bargain days.-Truth.
Giles-I Just heard that Hawkins re-
ferred to me as a perfect idiot. Smiles
Oh, don't mind what Hawkins says; he
always exaggerates more or less.-Chi.
cago News.
Citizen-Unless my eyes deceive me,
you are the party I gave ten cents to
yesterday. Beggar-I am, sir. Did you
think a dime would make q new man OF
meaTruth.
"Of course" observed the thin wheel
man, water won't run up hill"
WELL" replied the fat wheelman. who
was still putting and blowing, II don't
blame it."-Puck. =
Briggs-Was the Boston girl pleased
when you proposed? Griggs-Immense-
". She said that In twenty minutes
straight talk 1 didn't make one gram
NAUTICAL error.-Life. "
Millie-Why do you never speak to
Mr.. MARBLES now? He is uncouth, but
I feel ure he is a diamond in the rough.
Clara-So do I. That's why I'm cut
ting h~im.-Boston Globe.
He-Have you heard Of this new cure
for nervous prostration? The patient
is not allo wed to talk. Shield just as
o die from prostration as exas2era:
tion.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Hiram-Hurry up, Mandy, an git
away from this buildin'. Mandy
What's yer hurry, Hi? Hiram CHUCK
ling)-The Teller in the elevator forgot
to collect u fares.-Truth.
George, dear, you remember that
lovely sideboard that was so cheap?
Well, I've discovered a plan to make
room for it." "How, my dear?" "By
taking a larger lat."-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Quiverful-Do you know, dear,
that l think the baby sometimes cries
in her sleep? Mr.. Quiverful (savagely)
i don't know about that, but l know
she often cries in Enthusiastically.
Application.-"I am very much afraid
that our friend Mr.. Fritters lacks ap-
plication," remarked the business man.
"Not at ALL" replied the friend. "He
applies to me for a loan once a week
regularly. "-Washington Star.
Excited Lady lat telephone)-I want
my husband, please, at once. Voice
from the exchange)-Number, please?
Excited Lady (snappishly)-Only the
fourth, you impudent thing:-Boston
Globe.
Scorcher-They say that it has a bad
effect on the brain to ride with your
| head down between the handle-bars
| Sprocket-Don't you believe a word OF
it. The men who ride that way
haven't any brain to be anected.-Bos.
ton Transcript.
A young Englishman, being asked al
dinner whether he would have some
bird's-nest pudding, said to the hostess;
"Ah, yes; birds nest pudding. And
what kind of bird may have made It?
"Oh, it was the cook-coo made it." was
the prompt reply.
"You are advertising quite early II
| the year." said the summer-resort land
lords friend. Eyes; I always fix up
my announcements at this time Of year,
You see, I. am a thoroughly .conscien.
tious man, and I wish to be able to
state that there are no mosquitoes."-
Washington Star.
Miss Homewood-Charley Brushton
told me that I was looking pretty this
morning. Miss Point Breeze-That ISM
what he told me he said to you. "What
| did he sayT" 'He said he told you that
you were looking as pretty as ever
Pittsburg Chronicle.
The Judge-I: believe I shall leave It
to you this time. About how many
| days do you think I { ought to give you
Perry Patettic-Honest, your honor, ]
don't Just know. Do you think 1t Is
goin' to be an early spring or a late
one?-Cincinnati Enquirer. .-
Wayworn Watson-Here is one OF
these story writer's who says in the pa
pers that genius is nothing but hard
work. Perry Patettic-Nothin' but hard
work? And to think that I, used tc
have a great respect for them fellers
who could write!-Cincinnati Enquirer
Il understand that you have been
called to another charge" said the in
terviewer. NO." said the minister
who had been struggling along at the
tail end of the little church debt, "by
the blessing of Providence this is a casl
situation that I ake."-Indianapolis
Journal.
1t Would Be Costly.-He watched tn.
pompous man getting measured for q
suit of clothes. tits an excellent
thing" he said at last, that a mans
egotism is not included in the measure
ments, yeRsome people would go broke
paying for one suit. "-Chicago Evening
Post.
II would go with you to the end Of
the earth,' he asserted p~assionately
mot with me you wouldn't" she re-
piled, coldly. why mott" he demand
ed. "For two reasons" she answered
Zone is that I'm not going away, and
the other is that there isn't any
When one meets the prosaic new won
an one has to be careful what he says
-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Fadde, faith curist-How i.
your grandfather this morning, Brldg
ct? "He still has the rheumatics mighty
bad, num-" ''You mean he thinks h.
has the Rheumatism. There IS no suct
thing as rheumatism" "Yes, num-
A few days later: "And does YOU
grandfather stu persist in his de,usior
that he has the rheumatism "No
mum; the poor man thinks nov thot hi
is dead. We buried i'm Yesterday"
l. ~
The Austrian Emperor.
The Emperor Of Austria is said to b;
one Of the most Woodworking Of sover
;eigns. Heis up every morning Of hi:
life by O'Clock, and may be seen a