The Press., 1898-08-04
From the Chicago Journal.)
MR.. DOOLEY EXPLAINS THE
"CUBIAN" NATURE.


"CUBIAN" NATURE.
"Well, SIR" said Mr.. Dooley, 'confound
thin Cubians. If | was Gin'ral Shafter
I'd say, I want you. and I'd have thin
all down at tn station an dacently booked
be th' dest sergeant before the fall iv night.
TIL impydince iv them 7"
"What have they been doin'?" Mr..
Hennessey asked.
"Failin' to understand our civilization"
said Mr.. Dooley. ''Ye see it was this way.
This is tn way it was. Gin'ral Garshy
with wan hundherd thousan' mems been
fightin' bravely FIR two years FIR to liber-
yate Cuba. FIR two years he's been mar
chin his sivinty-fve thousan' men up an
down tn island desthroyin' th' naughty
Spanyard be tn millyons. Whin war was
declared he offered his own sarvice an th'
sarvices iv his ARMY iv fifty thousan' men
to tn United States, an while waitin' f'r
ships to arrive he marched at th' head iv
his tin thousan' men down to Sandago de
Cuba an captured cigar facthry, which
they soon rayjooced to smoIin' ruins.
They was holdin this position Gin'ral
Garshy an his gallant wan thousan' men
-whin Gin'ral Shafter arrived Gin'ral
Garshy immejitly offered th' services iv
himself an his two hundred men FIR tn
capture iv Sandago, an when Gin'ral
Shafter arrived there was Gin'ral Garship
with his gallant band iv fifty Cubans re-
ready to eat at minyit's notice
'Gin'ral Shafter is big, coarse, two
listed man FIRM Michigan, an whin he sees
Gin'ral Garshy an his twenty five gallant
followers, 'Fr-ront,' says he. This way,
he says, step lively he says, AN move
some iv these things, he says. Sir says
Ginral Garshy, dye take me FIR dhray?"
he says. Pm sojer,' he says, not bag
gage car he says. Pm Cuban pathrite
an I'd lay down me life an the lives iv
iv'ry wan iv tn eighteen brave men iv me
devoted army he says, but I'll be darn'd
if | carry a thrunk,' he says. EI'll fight
whiniver tits COOL he says, 'an' they amt
wan iv these twelve men her that wud-
dent follow me to hell if they was awake
at tn time,' he says, but he says, 'if
twas wurruk we we're lookin' f'r we cud
have found it long ago. he says. They
'se lot iv it in this counthry that no
body usin," he says. What we want,
de says, lis freedom, he says, 'an' if ye
think we have been in tn woods dodgin'
th' savage correspondent FIR two years. he
says, 'f'r tn sake iv r-rushin' ye'er laun-
dhry home,' he says, "tis no wondher,' he
says, that tn r-roads firm Marinette to
Kalamazoo is paved with goold bricks
bought be tn people iv ye'er native state,
he says.
$50 Shafter had to carry his own thrunk
an well it was FIR him that 1t wasn't Gin
raj Miles, th' weather bein' hot An
Shafter was mad clear through, an whin
he took hold iv Sandago an was sendin'
out invitations he scratched Garshy. Gar
shy took his gallant band iv six back to
tn woods and there tn three iv thin ar're
now armed with forty Grounds iv canned
lobster and r-ready to raysist to tn death.
Him an tn other man has written to Gin
raj Shafter to tell him what they think iv
him, an it don't take long"
"Well," said Mr.. Hennessey, 81 think
Shafter done wrong. He might've asked
Garshy in FIR to see tn show, seein that
he's been hangin' ar-round FIR a long time,
doin' the best he cud."
''It isn't that" explained Mr.. Dooley.
eth trouble is, tn Cubians don't undher-
stand our civilization. Over here free
dom means hard wurruk: What is th'
ambition iv all iv us, Hinnissy 'Tis
ayther to hold our job or get wan. We
want wurruk. We must have it. Dye
raymimber tn sigh tn mob carried in tn
procession las year? Give us wurruk or
we perish, it said. They had their heads
bate in be policemen because no philan-
thropist'd come along an make thin
shovel coal. Now, in Cuba, whin the mob
turns out they carry banner with the
wurruds: "Give us nawthin' to do or we
perish Whin Cuban comes home at
night with happy smile on his face he
don't say to his wife an childer: Thank
Gawd. I've got wurruk at last, He says
Thank Gawd, I've bean fired. An tn
childer go out an they say: 'Pah-pah
has lyost his job an Mrs. Cuban buys
herself new bonnet, an where wanst
they was sorry an despair all is happiness
oo++ooo O,oron
eye can't make people here undher-
stand that, an ye can't make Cuban
understand that freedom means tn same
thing as pinitinchry sintince. When we
thry to get him to wurruks he'll say +:
why should 1 ? haven't committed any
crime That's goin' to be the trouble.
The first thing we know we'll have'anoth-
er war in Cuba, whin we begun disthri-
butin' good jobs, twelve hours day, wan
sivinty-fve. Th' Cubians amt civilized
in our way. I sometimes think I've got a
touch iv Cuban blood in me own veins"