Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1898-05-14
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Darling. l wanted to take you to
thc thcater tonight. but felt that l
eouldu't afford it. She--Never mind. |
dear We can 90 tomorrow night
s.ite.
iIcupcck-t have troubles Of my own. |
Mrs. Hcupeck-But you are the partner |
Of my woes. ienpeck-Yes, silent. rs
an everything clse.--Cincinnati Times
Star.
THE doctor would like TO see you in
aide" said the maid 10 the caller in the
reception room. Not much." said the
startled patient. "he can't try any y.
ray on me."-Yonkers Statesman.
Nodd-My wife told me IL l wanted
peace with her, / would have to resign
1rom my club. Todd-And you IRE
getting along all right now? Mold
Oh. yes. I'm living Mt the club.-Ex.
II hear that the crowd assailed you
when you appeared at the Plunkville
Opera House False. me boy. false"
replied the eminent tragedian, Mr..
Barnes former: "all false. There was
10 crowd."-lndianapolis journal.
Did you hear of the accident which
bcreu your brother?' Accident? No.
Not serious. l hope?" "wcll. rather.
An idea struck him. and now the entire
upper part of his head is paralyzcd."-
Now York Herald.
Mr. isaacs--I sells you dot coat at
grad sacrifice. Customcr-But you say
hat ~ pt 4
make a living? Mr.. 1saacs-Afein frient,
I makes small profit on dc paper and
string.-Ncw York Weekly.
what intensely red hair that young
man has" exclaimed Maud: I'm sur.
priscd that you seem To like him so
we'll oh" replied Mamie. II don't
Hike him very well. l never invite him
% anything put pink teas."-Washing.
ton Star.
The quest for truth: Mr.. Monterey
1t used to be said that Truth lies mt the
bottom Of a WELL" Mr.. Esplanadc-I
know. Mr.. Montercy-NOw 1t lies ut
thc bottom Of Havana harbor. and div.
Rrs are trying to bring 1t up.--PittsburG
Chrcnicle-Telegraph.
Gargoylc back in town after a years
abscnce,-whcn I went away. Jones
and Brown were rival suitors for Miss
rwitters hand. Which proved to be
ahc lucky man? Glandcrs-Can't tell
chat yet. She married Brown only a
month ago. Ask me again In about q
ucar.--I.ife.
F1ick-Call him a musician! Why. he
doesn't know the difference between a
nocturnc and symphony. Flack--
You don't mean It! And they hurry to
get away from one another. Each Is
Aerribly afraid that the other will ask:
e'isy the way, what is the difference y''-
Boston Transcript.
mo. maam said Mcandering Mike,
-f'm sorry. but It's ag'in my principles.
can't split no wood" WELL" she an.
swcred. there will be load Of coal
here this afternoon. and I'm sor
~ ag'ln: but l cant carry no coal. But
I'll tell you what will do--Tll comprO
mise. Ef you've got a gas.stovc, III
kurn on the gas. "-washington Star.
"IIerc. you've been telling me all
along" said the bright.faced young
wife. "what wonderful cook your
mother was: and now your Aunt Jane
mas just told me that your father was
. chronic dyspeptic." well, you see. y
the young husband murmured, with q
deep sigh. mother learned by practic
lng on father. Plain Deal
er.
THAT young man Of yours" said the
observing parent, as his daughter came
down to breakfast, SHOULD apply fol
q job In dime museum" "Why, faith
Cr." exclaimed the young lady, In tones
Dt Indignation, what do you mean? 2
~ noticed. when passed through the
hall late last night" answered the OLE
man, "that he had two heads upon hi
shoulders. Chicago News.
Foster-So her father refused to con
sent to your marriage with his daugh
ter? Biglin-No, that's just the deuc
Of It. He gave me no answer when
told him what had called for, and t0l,
me II I didn't leave In less than tw
keconds, he'd kick me out. What's to b
done with a fellow who will wande
OF In that way from the subject Of dis
eussion ?-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Greene-My husband Is such
thoughtful man! He always zoe
down into the basement kitchen
smoke. Mrs. Gray-And lets the smol'
come upstairs into the dIning-rool
through the dumb waiter. Mrs. Green
Yes. but that's because he Is absen
minded. poor man. That has nothin
no do with his thoughtfulness, yO
iknow.--Boston Transcript.
Attorney-You say you had called
kcc Miss Billings and was at the hous
at the time the burglary was commi
tcd? Witness-Ycs, sir. Attorney
Then how did 1t happen that when I'll
prisoner dashed into the room and a
sauIted you. you leaped through IL
window and went home, making no Il
tempt to defend the lady or give I'll
alarm Witness-I thought II was ht
father.--Llfe.
MY friend" said the kindly old ger
alcman who likes to make acquain
ances while travelling, you should 70
low my example. / strive to lear
something new every day" NO" wa
the answer Of the quiet young maj
that may do In your line of bushes
out II you were doing vaudeville tur
with me, you'd realize that audience
seem disappointed IL they don't q