New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-02-02
4 Sheaf Of Stories.

An Irishman, who had blistered his
fingers trying to draw on a pair Of new
boots, exclaimed: sBy st. Pathrick! ]
believe ! shall never git thin on till ]
wear them day or two.
In the midst of stormy discussion, a
gentleman rose to settle the matter IN
dispute. Waving his hand majestically
he began: '.Gentlemen, all | want is
common sense" every much,' inter-
! rupted another.
The late Father Gordon, of Aberdeen,
was a great favorite with everybody.
Meeting him on the street one day, a
we'll Known Free Church minister said
II am surprised at a man like you
worshipping the Virgin Mary. I am
! sure she could not have been better
woman than my own mother" III &
Il don't know about that" said the
priest, "but Of this am certain, there is
a mighty big difference between their
sons" - -. ."
Pope was a little, round-shouldered,
contemptible-looking man; Lord Glass
eye was dressy, by-Jove-don't- cher
know, l1sping dude. The two met at a
large party in Bath. Milford, surround
ed by a bevy of admiring bellies, was
talking of the difficulties which beset
writer's ,in correctly punctuating their
letters, when Pope Joined the group.
"Do you know,my lord, what Il mark
of Interrogation ISL" he asked.
Lord Glasseye turned slowly round,
and, putting up his eye-glass, surveyed
his questioner from head to foot. eyes,
Mr.. Pope. It is-aw-a little, crooked
thing that asks question p'-Weekly
Scotsman.
A Scotsman upon meeting a Yankee,
remarked: "Weel, weel, I allow Ameri-
cas- graun' country, but vel inna pro-
duced mony guild men worth speakin' o."
To this the Yankee replied by calling
the Scotsman's attention to Geo. Wash
ington, man who never told lie.
Whereupon the Scotsman said: "Ah,
weel, but ye maun allow that ye haze a.
dune your level best to maxi up for the
puir cLiel's deficiency"
An Irish laborer had fallen from
scaffold and been killed, aud one of
his mates took it in hand to 60 on little
in advance of the corpse and break the
sad news gently to the bereaved wife,
On his knock being answered, Pat in
quired, care you Wildly Maloney?"
NO." replied the wife. :'I'm Mistress
Maloney.''
"Thin you're a liar" exclaimed Pat,
"an if you'll just step outside an look
at this stretcher I'll prove it,"
The wife of a farmer in Aberdeenshire
having been long confined to bed before
the time when her last moment ap-
preached, the husband, who was Of
very nlggardly disposition, at length
grudgel her so much as light by her
bedside.
One night she exclaimed, 80, 1sna this
an unco' thing that a puir body can get
nae LIGHT to see to dee VII"
The husband instantly rose, lighted a
candle, and, bringing it forward hastily
to the bottom of the bed, said: "There,
dee noo"- Weekly Scotsman.
A youth, who had run away from
home, had been persuaded by clergy
man to return. Sometime afterwards
the clergyman saw him and SAID "Well,
did your father kill the tatted calf?"
"No indeed" replied the youth, ''but
he very nearly killed the prodigal son."
Two Scotch farmers met together on a
very wet aay. otis vera SOFT" said one !;
"this'll fetch things DOT the ground"
II hope no, Bauldy," replied the other,
who had seen three wives buried. sit
wad be black outlook for me-
In mixed Sunday school class of
English, Scottish and Irish girls, the
minister failed to obtain an explanation
of the expression '.'nclean spirit
At length blight-eyed native of the
Emerald Isle, on being pressed for an
answer, replied: "Sure, your Reverence,
it's the very same as a dirty divil.'
A meddlescme old woman was sneer-
ing at a young mothers awkwardness
with her infant, and said
81 declare, q woman never ought to
have baby unless She knows how to