Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1898-07-21
THURSDAY. JULY 81, 1898.
THEY FOUND HIM.

IuCt FUumU Him.
History tells us that Diogenes, an an
Gent Grecian philosopher, made his habi-
tation in tub and went around in the
sunshine with lighted lantern looking for
an honest man. Tom Martins machine,
that lives in or on stuffed ballot box,
some months ago lighted q tallow dip and
started on tour of the Ninth Congress
sional District to find man to beat Gen.
Walker for Congress.
The machine first visited Newcastle,
where the bright rays of the tallow dip
brought to view the "lilly white hands, of
the Hon. James w. Marshall, who by his
superabundance of wind had won the sou
briquet of ''Cyclone Jim." But the ma
chine declared he would not do, that they
needed something more than an excess of
wind for this campaign.
1t next visited Pulaski and discovered
]. G. Wysor, of eloquent tongue but
doubtful discretion. He had encountered
''Big JIM in other fields with marked
unsuccess, SO the machine declared Wysor
would not do.
Then Wytheville was taken in by the
search committee, and the imposing per-
son of Samuel Walker Williams was
brought to view by the searchlight Of the
tallow dip. Although the Hon. Samuel
had formerly declared that as long as his
eloquent tongue could speak it should be
heard in behalf of the Common people, q"
the machine announced that he had. been
weighed in the balance and found want
ing.
The search committee travelled on to
Marion, where its candle brought to view
the bright and courageous lightweight
champion, G. Ii. Fudge. Although he
had fought many battles for his party and
was ready to fight again, the machine said
the necessities of the occasion demanded
heavyweight pugilist, a regular Jim
Corbett, SO the journey was continued.
Then the tourists cut across the noun
tains and made their appearance at Tsze-
well, where they found Mr.. j. w. Chap
man, lawyer of splendid attachments and
among the worthiest of his party. But
the machine was not satisfied with his
qualities. The search was being made fol-
manipulation not debater, and the best
Democratic material in the district was re-
jected by the machine.
On it went to Gate City, where the
dashing ]. B. Richmond fell upon the
notice of the machine. He was too bright
and sound in his money views to meet the
wishes of the advocates OF dishonest dol
lars and ballot boxes.
To Big Stone Gap the committee jour
neyed, and tarried briefly there inspecting
the Hon. Rufus A. Ayers, but they found
him stained with the glorious coloring Of
Protection and hastily travelled on.
Jonesvile was the next point visited by
the search committee, where the Hon.
Auburn L. Pridemore resides. 1t was q
fact that he had, from his ability to speak
fluently won the name of ''Speakmore, "
but the machine again declared eve are
not looking for speaker, we want ma
nipulator.'
Hastily it journeyed back to Abingdon
which has been heretofore considered the
home of well seasoned Congressional tim
Der, and there the two Triggs and Hutton
were found. But G. F. Trigg was covered
with a watermelon rind, Dan was a
hybrid and Hutton full scented musk
melon, and by one decree of the machine
thew were all put aside as unsuitable.
All thissearch around the district had been
purely formal. Tom Martins machine had
already, months before, decreed that q
certain man should be the candidate OF the
Democrats in the Ninth District. So the
searching party quickly went to the Bor-
der City, Bristol, turned the concentrated
powers of it's wonderful search-ight upon
that city and in seeming, joyful amaze
ment exclaimed, 'Eureka" The Won
derful new star or constellation was W. F,
Rhea. He had won distinction as ma
incubator and was the man wanted.
They found him! 1t remains with the
people to say what will be done with him.