Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1898-08-13
The GREAT DIAMOND SWINDLE
By ATHOL MAYHEM.
Copyright, 1895, by the Author.]

"Vell, veil, vell!' cried Mr.. Wander
stroom-Cornelius Vanderstroom, if you
please, diamond merchant, formerly Of
Port Elizabeth, South Africa, and now
of Hatton Garden-in sharp staccato ex-
blossoms Of broken English astonishmeut
as he let his morning paper fall and
bounded out Of his chair like the excita-
BILE india rubber ball of humanity that
he was.
"Vell, nefer vos seen anytinks like
it-neferP'
Like what, dear?" queried his more
phlegmatic English better half as she
set her cup down and calmly began chip
ping her second egg.
Like vat? Wy, like disr' Mr.. Van
derstroom stopped, picked up the fallen
sheet, and in the effort tilted all the su-
perfuous blood out of his body into his
adipose head. Like dis, sleeps head,
dis-pah! 1 can't call him anytinks
strong enough except in Dutch.
The indignant little merchant hurried
to the window, the more reclusefully to
let off some appropriate adjectiyes &C.
curing to him in his native tongue.
"There, there, Cornelius" said his
lady soothingly. "don't upset yourself
for business. What have you lighted on
in the paper-anything disquieting from
the mines at the Cape?"
Matilda Yane," replied the ruffled
husband as he resumed his seat at the
breakfast table, "you English peoples
always vos as cool as de Zuyder Zee.
But ven I reads of such tiefs, such r-r-
rascals, such r-r.roppers, runs right
out of mine head and gets oxcited. y
Cornelius, be calm-courting apo
plexy in that manner! Why, the papers
are always full of thieves and robbery. /"
''Dat's vot makes me so vild!' yelled
Cornelius in tones suggestive Of return
to his native expletives. "Vere would
be your tiefs and troopers if peoples vos
more sharp? Listen-I read you dis"
Mr.. Vanderstroem gave his paper a
sharp punch in the middle of one of its
columns to straighten it out and the
better to bring his rolling, raising eyes
to bear upon the paragraph which had
so suddenly provoked his ire.
Daring Robbery at City Bank
Successful Theft of Over Ell, 900" he
read, and then, in his best Bavarian
version Of her Britannia majesty's Eng
lish, he rendered to his wife full, true
and particular account Of how young
"walk" clerk belonging to certain
city bank had been very neatly Gifted"
the day before of that substantial sum.
The clerk, it appeared, ia the course of
his usual rounds, had entered bank in
the neighborhood of the Royal Ex-
change, and, proceeding to the counter
to present some checks and bills for COL
lection, had laid his satchel down in
front of him. AS he placed it on the
counter he felt touch on his left shoul-
der, and, turning round, was asked by a
man of gentlemanly exterior standing
near whether he would direct the ques-
toner to another bank close by. To give
the stranger the required information
was but the work Of moment; but on
turning his head again to the counter,
the young clerk was Mortified to find
that his satchel, containing Bank Of
England notes to the value of ell, 800,
had vanished.
"How lucky" exclaimed Mrs. Van
derstroom, that the satchel held no
gold! Of course the notes will be stop
ped, as the numbers
Matilda Yane," interposed the dia-
mond merchant severely, "you vos like
all de vomans- yump to gonglu-
sions. If de notes vos come into an in
nooent holders hands, de Bank of Eng
land must pay"
"But" replied bis wife, determined
to be credited with at Least one item Of
discovery, "if the person who asked the
way Of the clerk took the satchel from
under the young mans very nose,
why"-
"Dere you vos again, Yane-yump-
ingr' shouted her peppe-y spouse. "De
barty vat took de satchel pos annoder
man on de odder side. Dere vos, p'raps,
two, dres Of dem-vat dey call put
up yob.' Nit all dees bricks dey works
it like de conjurers-it's de quickness
Of de hand deceives dc eye. "
"Oh, Cornelius-Corny, dear, let this
be warning to you to be careful You
klow the thousands and thousands Of
pounds of diamonds you are constantly
walking abou. with up and down Hat
ton Garden-loose in your waistcoat
pockets, too, or only rolled up in little
tissue paper-and you such a mite!
Mind they don't put up as you call
1t, something of the sort for you."
Mr.. Vanderstroom rose with offended
dignity, gulped down another yearning
to return to his native Dutch, walked
into the hall, tapped the barometer,
jerked himself into a remarkably tight
and appallingly short covert coat, quite
oblivious of the fact that in the strug-
gle between his redundant figure and
his restricted upper covering he had con-
trived to sorape a very fat pooketbook
out Of the breast pocket OF his frock
coat and drop it into the thick carpeting
Of the passage, brushed his hat, placed
1t with defiant tap ON his head, and
then, with the hall door In his hand. he
drew himself up to his full feet
boundary of impressiveness as be said
to his wife, who had followed him: