The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-10-19

known humorist, which came out in
late Cosmopolitan, has attracted no
little attention, not only for the
humor of which it is full, but for the
undoubted scientific fact to which it
calls attention. 1t is true that we
civilized Americans eat far too much,
and equally true that no small amount
of our disease is due to that habit.
This theme the great humorist has
clothed in the following attractive
form:
This establishments name is Hoch-
berghaus. II is in Bohemia, short
days journey from Vienna, and being
in the Austrian empire, is, of course.
a health resort. All unhealthy peo-
pie ought to domicile themselves in
Vienna, and use that as base for
making flights, from time to time, to
the outlying resorts, according to
need. A fight to Marienbad to get
rid of fat; fight to Carlsbad to get
rid of rheumatism; q fight to Kalten-
leutgeben to take the water cure, and
get rid Of the rest of the diseases. 1t
is all so handy. You can stand in
Vienna and toss q biscuit into Kali
tenleutgeben, with twelve-inch gun.
You can run out thither at any time
of the day; you can go by the phe-
nomenally slow trains, and yet inside
of an hour you have exchanged the
glare and swelter of the city for the
wooded hills, and shady forest paths
and soft cool airs, and the music OF
the birds, and the repose and peace of
paradise. There are abundance of
health resorts, as have said. Among
them this place-Hochbcrghaus. 1t
stands solitary on the top of densely
wooded mountain and is building of
great size. 1t is called the Appetite
Anstallt, and people who have lost
their appetites come here to get them
restored. When I arrived, I was
taken by Professor Haimberger to his
consulting room and questioned:
"It is six o'clock. When did You
eat last?"
"At noon."
"What did you eat?"
''Next to nothing"
"What was on the table?"
''The usual things"
"Chops, chicken, vegetables, and
30 on?"
eyes; but don't mention then-I
can't bear it,"
care you tired OF themP"
ooh, utterly. I wish I might never
hear OF them again."
"The mere sight of food offends
you, does it?"
"More, it revolts me-"
The doctor considered awhile, then
got out long menu and ran his eye
slowly down it.
II think" said he, "that what you
need to eat is--but here, choose for
yourself"
I glanced at the list and my stomach
threw handspring. OF all the bar
barous layouts that were ever con-
trived, this was the most atrocious.
At the top stood 'tough, underdone,
overdue tripe, garnished with garlic;"
half way down the bill stood "young
cat; old cat; scrambled cat;" at the
bottom stood 'sailor boots, softened
with tallow-served raw" The wide
Intervals of the bill were packed
with dishes calculated to insult can
nibal. said:
'Doctor, it is not fair to joke over
such serious case as mine. came
here to get an appetite not to throw
away the remnant that's left"
He said gravely: IT am not joking;
why should joke?"
''But can't eat these horrors"
"Why not?"
He said it with O naivete that was
admirable, whether it was real or as
Iumed.
"Why not? Because-why, doc
tor, for months I have seldom been
able to endure anything more sub
stantial than omelettes and custards.
These unspeakable dishes Of yours
-"
"Oh, you will come to like them.
They are very good. And you must
eat them. 1t is the rule of the place
and is strict. l cannot permit any de-
parture from it."
I said, smiling: "Well, then, doc
tor, you will have to permit the de-
parture of the patient. I am going. f"
He looked hurt, and said in a
way which changed the aspect OF
things:
II am sure you would not do me
that injustice. I accepted you in good
faith-you will not shame that con-
fdence. This appetite cure is my
whole living. If you should go forth
from it with the sort of appetite which
you now have, it could become known,
and you can see yourself that people
would say my cure failed in your case
and hence can fail iu other cases. You
will not go; you will not do me this
hurt"
apologized and said I would
stay.
The professor handed me that odi-
Gus menu.
''Choose -or will you have it latsrG''