The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1898-02-16

enough to make the people in the back
seats think that the communion SER
vice has dropped off the table.
\ Mormon elder was in town for an
hour on Friday. Receiving no encour-
agement, he ambled hence. The con-
gregation will arise and sing the good
old Methodist hymn, beginning: "And,
believing, we rejoice to see the curse
removed"
IN SUSQUEHANNA COUNTY.
Mormon elders have paid a second
trip to uniondale, distributing tracts.
Several Montrose lawyers will Join
second Montrose party bound for Klon-
dixie. The lawyers will not dig for
gold. but as soon as litigation begins
will gobble all the miners have.
Messrs. II. S. Conkin and w. b. Stod-
dard are candidates for the Montrose
postmastership. And there are 9TH
ers."
The New York Sun recently con-
tained a mild sort of an apology for
publishing a scurilous article concern
ing Prof. and Mrs. NJ. w. Cargill.
According to the Montrose Democrat,
a number of Susquehanna county RE-
publicans" attended the recent state
meeting of Independent Republicans.
One Of the certain things of the fu-
ture is, that Hon. Daniel w. Searle, of
Montrose. will succeed himself as pres
ident judge of Susquehanna county.
'Tis well. He is an able and Just Judge.
The Susquehanna County Medical So
ciety is sixty years old. 1t will hold
its annual meeting in Montrose, May 3.
There are 31s teachers regularly en-
ployed in the public schools of Susque-
hanna county.
The Hartford fair-the best visiting
place in Pennsylvania-will be held on
Wednesday and Thursday Sept. 1929.
Farmer Ralph j. Campbell, who
some time since suddenly disappeared
from his home in Rome, Bradford coun-
ty, has materialized at his home.
HERE OR HEREAFTER.
The Hallstead Herald's' Elkdale cor
respondent indites these very sugges-
tive lines:
oh ye who long for sunshine
And the balmy days of spring,
TO hear the bees O humrnng
And see the blue birds on the wing.
Although the snow is six feet deep
Ana surely Getting deeper,
Although your hay is almost gone
And prices getting sleeper.
Take courage, there will come a time
Although you may think not.
When you will worry just as hard
Because 1t Is so hot.
THE CROWS HELD COURT.
There is a vast colony of crows win
tering near Windsor. A week ago a
Windsor farmer named Lee, passing
on the mountain rear the crows roost,
said the crows, with appalling whir-
ring, shrieking and cawing, rose high
above the surrounding ground and
then, swiftly descending formed q hol-
low circle in the center of the field.
Then from the inner edge of the circle
select few ranged themselves in
groups in the center. Court being
opened, two culprit crows were brought
before the bar. Under guard they
stood there silently, with hang-dog
heads and guilty looks. Their trial
lasted half an hour, and all the wrang-
ling of a Lackawanna court was in
dulged in. Sentence ws pronounced,
and suddenly half a dozen powerful
| crow eXecutioners pounced upon the
unresisting victims, and beat them to
| death with their beaks, wings and
| claws. The crow public approved by
| amazing acclamations, and vast clouds
| Cf crows whirled and swirled from air
| to earth in an ectasy of appreciation.
| They soon scattered to the winds
every vestige of their former criminal
| brethren.
ODDS AND ENDS.
There is an old soldier in Susque-
| hanna county seeking a pension who is
| seven feet high. He says he is a suf-
| ferer from chronic bronchitis, due to a
| cold he acquired during the war, for
which the government is directly re-
| sponsible, because the commissioning
| department was not able to find an
| overcoat to fit him, and the blankets
We're too short.
A negro, who says he is 100 years
| old, was in town on Monday, exhibit
| ing himself to physicians, for a con-
| sideration. He had two perfect hearts
| one on the left and one on the right
| side. He can move them up and down
| several inches, either together or sepa-
rately, simply by initiating and con-
| tracing the lungs. He also has dou-
bic sets of ribs. The man claims that
| he has always been in perfect health.
| The statement that he is 100 years old
| is open to doubt, but he has two
hearts all the same. He was a puzzler
to the physicians.
| A Susquehanna woman tainted when
| she saw her husband in church last
Sunday. He had not been inside a
| church for twenty years and she
| thought it must be his ghost.
NO BED OF ROSES.
| The newspaper field is wide and full
| of thorns and roses. If you roast the
| ungodly the preacher smiles If you
| rCast the preacher the ungodly smile
| If you roast the Prohibitionist the sa-
| loOnkeeper Smiles-and sets 'em up!
If you roast the saloonkeeper the Pro-
| hibitonist smiles. If you swear, you
are a very wicked man; If you pray
you are a hypocrite. If you have an
| opinion, you get cursed; If you don't
| have an opinion, are a nonentity. The
| preacher knows one thing, the sinner
knows another, but the newspaper man
is supposed to know everything. He is
the best man and the worst in the COM
munity.
PARAGRAPHED PLUMBER.
| The elegant new Presbyterian church
| edifice will be dedicated about March
l3, with appropriate ceremonies. Among
| hn oil kal