Mesa free press., 1898-12-16
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Dld he? Flora (ambiguously)-No
much.-Boston Transcript.
Teacher-Mary, make a sentence
with dogma" as subject. Mary (after
careful thought)-The dogma has three
puppies.-Ex.
Did you say the man was shot in the
woods, doctarw mo, I didn't; said
ne was shot in the lumbar region
Yonkers Statesman.
Footlight-Who is the most promis.
Ing person in your company? Sue
Brette- oh, the manager, by all means.
-Yonkers Statesman.
"Snagsby Is the most devoted golf
man ever met. The only meat he
eats is sausage" "Rall?" "No, links"
Cleveland Plaindealer.
There's young woman who makes
little things count" "How does she
do 1tT' Teaches arithmetic in pri-
mary school" Boston Globe.
What a sanguine man Cooper isw
"Sanguine? He advertised for mid.
dle-aged typewriter girl and expected
to get applications. ns."-Mexican Herald.
Tommy" said the teacher to pu-
pill in the juvenile class, "what is syn
tax? II guess it must be the tax on
whisky" replied Tommy.-Chicago
News.
Blister-I'd like to see that new de-
vice OF yours for preventing the theft
of watch. Kister-Can't show it. 1t
was stolen from me yesterday by a
pickpocket.
Mary, there's dust on the piano at
least six weeks old" "But, Missis,
that's the fault of the last maid-I've
only been here three weeks. File
gende BIaetter.
The lady in the sunbonnet-Oh, I
guess you think whatever you say goes.
The lady in the curl papers-If you
hear 1t, it does; it goes all over the
neighborhood.
Student-Fellows, the sheriff came to
my rooms to-day. He seems to me
just like child. All-How SO? Stu
dent-He wants everything he sees!-
Lustige Blaetter.
Stranger-Is your society here very
select? Arizona Al-See them graves
over thar2 They was all filed by fell
lers who came to our dances without
invitashuns.-Brooklyn Life.
Miriam-Did you take the picture of
the young man on the mantel? Mil
dred-Yes. Miriam-Friend of yours,
suppose? Mildred-Wen, he was be-
fore 1 took the picture.-Yonkers
Statesman.
The Soldiers Mother-I got letter
from George to-day, and he is grum-
bling about the victuals in the army.
The Soldiers Wife-I am glad to hear
that he Is making himself at home
Indianapolis Journal.
Reelman Ito guest)- assure you
that I never make business of fish
ing; merely fish for recreation. Mrs.
Reelman-Yes, and that's about the
only thing ever knew him to CATCH
Richmond Dispatch.
Smith (the good father)-When 1 say
anything in the presence of my chill
dren, am very careful to have it ac-
curate. Jones (the wretched bachelor)
Yes; suppose they'd call you down
If it wasn't.-Detroit Journal.
A wag the other day asked his friend:
"How many knaves do you suppose
live in this street beside yourself"
Besides myselfv' replied the other;
''do you mean to insult me?" ''Well,
then," said the first, "how many do you
reckon including yourself?"
Ex-servant-My husbands been beat
in me again, Miss Mary, and I'd twen-
ty minds to have him arrested. Miss
Mary-Why didn't you? Ex-servant-
Well, was thinkin' too, with me so
lame, and him not workin', how'd |
ever get money to pay the fineLLife.
A little girl who had been told not to
ask for anything to eat at neighbor'S
came home with face very suggestive
of lunching. When asked by her moth
er why she had asked for something,
she said: "But, mamma, didn't ask
Mrs. G. I just looked at her and said,
Cant you see how hungry I am?"-
Truth.
Farmer Whifhetree- say you
want job and would work for cent
minute? Why, that is sixty cents an
hour, six dollars day, thirty-six dol
lars week, hundred and Weary
Willie (faintly)-Hold on dere, boss!
Call it half a cent a minute, den I
only want ter do five cents WORTH
Judge.
II suppose" said the farm hand, who
was looking for a job, "that you be-
lieve in the eight-hour system?"
''That's what do," replied the farmer.
II work eight hours In the forenoon
and eight in the afternoon, but along
about hayin' and harvest time I occa-
sionally put in two or three hours ex-
tra."
II saw sign-painter barely save
himself said the student hoarder "hY