Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-09-18
(" AU CLAIR DE LUNE."
MOON DID A QuICKsTEP WHILE
THEY TALKED or MATRIMoxY.
WOMEN, OLD SHOES, and OHIOHS.
Unfair Sex and Their Secret Long,
ings ExpInined-Max Lost His
Whiskers by Too Intimate Associa-
ton with nm X-Ray Machine.

The autumn moon was doing a quick
step through great chunks OF cottony
clouds. while the stars were blinking
drowsiy at the meanness OF mundane
mortals below. II was beautiful night
the kind OF night which fills you with
| good resolutions and urges you, almost
with success, to pay the bills you owe
and lead a better life. They sat together
on the front porch-two souls with but
| single thought, two hearts which econo-
mized vital energy by beating as one.
/ Around them all was still. Save the oc-
casional twang OF some mosquitoes harp
or the ripping giggle Of the other sister
which foated at intervals through the
Stats Of the front parlor window, no sound
broke the peaceful quiet. 1t was delicious.
| splenducious-nay, bolligocious. They
were happy, happy, happy. "They''
means the pair on the front porch, though
| the girl who giggled wasn't altogether
miserable, for she, too, had with her an
| individual not strictly persona non grata.
| The cooling couple, costly concealed by
nights diaphanous drapery needed not
| to talk. They were past paltry CONVEX
sations. With them 1t was all fixed, and
| only a question of waiting-waiting for
the inevitable details incident to prepara-
tory nest-building. She even delighted in
being practical. and he, too, gloried in
getting down to business" as he called
it, and smashing sentiment to smith
Greens.
The girl who giggled got grumpy to-
wards the close Of the evening, and. after
the manner of her sex, took to listening
for bits Of the fragmentary conversation
blown in from the porch. There really
wasn't much to hear-in fact, there
wasn't much being said, and what was
said isn't liable to live in history.
But by and by the sly sister sitting
safely on the satined sofa heard the lam
guild lassie on the porch murmur and
sigh--oh! so contentedIy-and then ask, In
tones of tendercst solicitude: Augustus
do you love asparagusT
That is the whole story. She had al
ready won his love, and wanted 10 keep it.
Cynics had told her that after marriage
the manly ardor sometimes cools, but in
the depths of that feminine mind there
was one well-implanted intellectual It'd
bit-a knowledge that mans appetite is
always with him, and that even as all
roads once led TO Rome, so all mascu-
line emotions radiate around his palate
An eminent feminine authority-one who
can tell you just how your fingernals
should be trimmed and what Is the best
skirt to wear with a bertha OF lace ac-
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES that there are two
things all women love-onons end old
shoes She doesn't mean, however that
women eat both, though for my part
would as soon devour one as the other.
But am informed by friends that they
would rather have my appetite sated on
the shoes, for onions are much TOO cor
dial towards the outside world. and very
prone to take strangers into their cent?
dence
Be this as It may. the lady whose sug-
gestions | now quote is positive that she
knows whereof she speaks.
'She may be proud and deny her affec-
ton" says my authority referring to her
whimsical sisters, but IL you could look
into her closet you would see a regiment
Of worn-down shoes and slippers that she
keeps because she hasn't heart enough to
put them in the garbage box. She abhors
old hats old gowns, old bills, and old |
beaux, but n shoe never Is really beloved |
until it has lost it's shape"
1t is hardly necessary for me 10 make |
any commentary on the feminine fordness |
for onions. These strong-minded vcgeta- |
bles talk for themselves; or, more strictly |
speaking. they shout for themselves I'm |
kind words have been used against them, |
but like all things which men hate they |
enjoy the love OF the mouse-fearing sex. |
Do not raise your hands in holy horror;
oh! dainty destroyers OF chocolate cara
mels. and say that l am unrefined and |
have such homely ideas. You know I'm
talking right at you, and that 1 am speak
ing in parallels.
But why and wherefore this strange af-
lection? The answer suggests a very
trite question. Why did Eve, clad IN her
sweet simplicity and with her happy
knowledge that she was the best-lressed
woman on earth. so long for that korti-
cultural morsel which had been interdict-
ed from her bill OF fare? Because she
knew she ought not to have It. And so it
is, in way, about the onions and the
shoes.
Every man-no matter how near-slght-
ed he may pretend to be-generally tries
to get peep at q woman's foot, and
when he takes this surreptitious squirt,
he likes TO see good-looking foot. In
deed. he doesn't mind seeing two good
looking footses. BY foot of course
mean shoe for fashions have changed
and the objects of our alteration 10 long
or go barefooted. II the boots in question
ire overly large, or fashioned on the plan
Of a beef tongue. or buging at the side
ike warty cucumber or fiat as buck
wheat cake. you can set that man down
Tor disguised. and you might as we'll say
Next" and ring up some other duffer. /
,an't explain Just why II is although
blush to say am myself man, but the
'act remains undisputed.
Now women know that men like good
ooking footgelr just as wei as we much
abused brutes know il ourselves. and
hey cater 70 this taste OF ours. Whoever
heard of a girl tripping down into the
)arlor IN a pair of congress. rubber-top-
led CATERS. or with fippety- foppity Slip
,ers run down at the heels? And If you
observe a girl when she's stepping over :
mud puddle "a thing which only 999 &c.,
SO men out OF every 1,0o0000,0J0 do), you
will see that her shoes are always neat
md well polished and that every button
5 in place and standing at attention"
n short that girl didn't know when her
,edal extremities would be seen, and she
herself for emergencies before
land. But in her heart of hearts she mas |
[ times longed for the rusty, buttonless
,oots at home, which make her brothers y