Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1898-02-07
UNCLE BART'S JOKE.
1T HARDLY TURNED OUT AS HE HAD
EXPECTED.
While Giving Old Man Crane q Lift He
Tried to Scare Him and Succeeded Be-
yond His Fondest Expectations-The
Joke and How 1t Petered Ont.

Joke and How 1t Petered Out.
"When we started for home" says I'm
Gle Bart Flanders Of Brighton, 1--WE over
took old Crane. He had a double barreled
shotgun over his shoulder.
Essay, Bart, give me a lift says old
Crane.
II had old Bangs on the seat with me.
He had a pound of cheese under his arm
and a ten quart pail Of molasses between
his knees. l told old Crane to get in be-
hind and let his feet hang down and be dern
careful of the gun. He rested the critter
OH its butt between his legs, with the muz-
gle sticking up.
when we got pretty near to old Cranes
place, l whispers to old Bangs and says:
Les play IA joke on old Crane. III boiler
to the colt and pull on the reins. That
allus sets him off jest as though he was
running away. Well carry old Crane q
mile or two beyond his house. His wife'll
see us go by hollering, and she'll think old
Crane is too drunk to know where he lives,
and she'll peel him when he gifts back.
Well make him walk back too
Essays old Bangs, winking to me: BY
smutty, that's the best dern joke on old
Crane / ever heard Of. Wait till / git these
molasses we'll settled tween my knees;
then let her CO.
II commenced to pull on the reins, and
the colt gave a jump and started.
"'Whoa, whoa, whoa, dunn your l yelled,
and you'd think l was pulling 40 pounds
on the reins, but the colt only went faster
and faster.
"'W-w-what's the matter, Bart?' hol-
Tered old Crane, who was setting back to
and couldn't see what was going on and
didn't darst to turn round.
cold Bills runnin away, says I, al
most busting. Old Bangs was laughing as
If he would die and hanging on to the
molasses.
"'Can't you stop to my houses' hollered
old Crane. 'Mother'll be kinder worried If
she sees me go scurrying past like the mill
tail Of Tophet.'
81 can't stop the blame %critter. Whoa,
blast your I hollered. Just then we struck
the jounce in the culvert front Of Zeke
Wardwell's, and the springs went down
kerchunk. The next second old Bangs
shot up in the air, gun and all. Old Bangs
landed on his back in the dust, and the
gun came down butt fust on to the road.
When she struck, both barrels went off
right behind us straight up into the air.
"There warn't no fool runaway about 1t
then. A rein busted, and the colt run right
into old Cranes dooryard. I'll never for
get the expression on his wife's face as she
looked out Of the window and saw us com-
ing. She'd told me several times that she
wished I'd bring old Crane home when !
saw him down to the village, as his leg
bothered him a great deal. There warn't
any doubt we were bringing old Crane
home that afternoon. We were advertising
1t. We were firing salutes. Old Bangs was
doubled right for'ard over his molasses
pail, and his hair was stringing out be-
hind.
"'Bart,' he yelled, 'd'you s'pose they's
any chance Of saving these molassesf'
"'Cuss your molasses, I hollered, and
jest then we struck the corner Of the bank
ing. Flip! Over she went. I fell into the
iaylook bush. Old Bangs didn't save his
molasses, but his molasses saved him. He
went head first into the pail. He jumped
right up with the pail over his ears, and
the molasses run stopping down over his
shoulders.
"'Blood and brainsl Blood and brainsl'
he yelled from underneath the pail. See
EN- rum
"Mis' Crane come rushing out, screaming
as loud as he could holler, and few down
to where old Crane was a-pickin hisself
up. He wasn't hurt much and come limp
Ing up Jest as was scraping old Bangs Of
with a chip. The wagon was mashed.
The colt stood looking at me from over