The herald., 1898-09-16


That scrap in the Fourth ward will
have to stop or I'll order the whole ward
Off the map" is the way the chairman
played hokey-pokey with geography and
things. 1t was the only way to deal with
1t. But where In the world could he dump
the sweepings and avoid the health officer?
ng)-Congressman Waters and
his campaign quartet made quite hit
(niO-but people were good-natured and
did not hit back; nor will there probably
be any suits for battery resulting. In spita
Of the facts.
Unless either the man or the music would
consider 1t too libelous, they might be de-
scribed as, about equally enjoyable. The
outfit will be power in the country, where
there are no discriminating ordinances.
"Our Henry" seemed worried when he
got up to speak. His hair looked as though
1t had hardly slept. He said that ut was
with no incons!derable delight" that he adj
dressed this noble convention, and repeated
1t twice or three times, so 1t must be true.
But it didn't lcok like inconsiderable de-
light at all. Anybody but Christian Sci
enlist would have diagnosed 1t as indicat-
Ing Jamaica ginger, but Henry ought to
know. He took his text from Uraliah,
chap. i:1-16, which says, as you all re-
member: II never did; you're another!"
In explaining his position he used pose
that was as effective as castor oil. 1t might
be described as fine cross between Ajax
defying the lightning and Pompadour
James receiving Mr.. Fitzsimmons in the
solar plexus. The attitude was extremely
convincing and called forth a storm of
cheeHs.
But, POPULARITY aside, as Mr.. Gage says
after his most thunderous oratory, where
ie American politics drifting? If a man had
introduced a candidate yesterday by say
ing that he had held office continuously for
ten years; that he was thereby more COM
petent than a new man could be; that he
would do the work better and cheaper than
anybody else-do you think 1t would have
made votes for him?
WeM, hardly! The chief qualification for
"a job was not experience, but lack of it.
Never to have been in office was a trump
card, and the joker OF the deck was that
none of your neighbors ever had done any
thing for the county.
There was q distinct premium on incom-
petence. The whole atmosph was redo
lent not'with the idea of good service but of
scattering the plums. To a fellow from the
country 1t was appalling how completely
the spirit of getting a-snop" permeated
things so completely that there, was not
single appeal against 1t.
And vet what man Of the whole delega
ton would select for the management Of
his own private business an agent whose
only qualification was that he had never
done it or anything like it before?
The convention showed its solid approval
of the absorption Of Hawaii, Cuba let al,
and free sugar, by the taffy that it used.
Every delegate had his ladle and the oandi-
dates kept 1t In tureens and used 1t In great
hunks ad nauseam But they overest-
mated the healing power Of the delicious
concoction. Taffy Is one of the most sooth-'
Ing substances in the world but it won't
bure an amputation just below the ears, as
the delegates seemed to imagine.
So fellow would get up and plaster on
= generous blob, rubbing 1t in thoroughly
But the very next thing he did was to get
out big long knife and stick that In and
wobble 1t around. And you could feel that
seven inches of knife though the sweeten-
ing was plenty. Queer. wasn't it?
Slightly Personal
Capt. Cressey doomed up like a circus
hand wagon. He had three badges, his
Loyal Legion button on, and a coat resplen-
lent as the ''goold pants" that Mr.. Dooley
credits Gen. Miles with Wea airing. Altogeth-