The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-05-18
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

worth of dog meat" Butcher-"Bo.
logna or frankfurters, miss?"--Judge.
Redding-"Well, don't think they
have much of family tree" De
Witte-"No; but there are golden ap-
pies on t."--Puck.
Kirby (gloomlly)-"Wheat went
down from s1.05 to "a to-day" Mrs.
Kirby-"I thought you men didn't be.
Iieve in bargain days Truth.
The Maid-"NIiss Ethel is not in,
sir, but I'll tell her you called" Algy
-'Aw-thanks Tell her right awey,
please, so you won't forget it,
Judge.
"Thank goodnessl' exclaimed an old
inhabitant, "we don't have ter buy
any more postage stamps. The Gov
ernment is goin' ter give us free de-
livery. Atlanta Constitution.
Richard-''W are always wanting
something we never get" Little
Johnny (interrupting)-"When ma
says want whipping l notice 1 al
ways get it."-Boston Transcript.
Mr.. Romanz-'I tell you what, a
baby brightens up the house, and that's
q fact" Mr.. Practickel- Yes; we've
had to keep the gas burning all night
ever since ours was born. "-Tit-Bits.
He knew what they always say, so
he thought he would forestall her. Il
suppose you've never been kissed bya
man BEFORE" he said "Do l look as
homely as all that?" she demanded,
haughtily.-Chicago Post.
His Wife (hearing him indistinctly)
--"Henry, please hold your mouth
little further away from the phone"
He with considerable Indignation =
"Do you think I've been drinking,
Amelia ?''-Chicago Tribune.
"Does the baby look like you or
your wife?" "Well, it depends some
what on how he feels; when he's good
natured he resembles me, but at other
times 1 can see great deal of his
mother in him. standard.
He-"Surely you must know that l
love you. / cannot live without you.
She-"Sh-h! Papa might hear you
say that. If he did he would be sure
to object without giving you chance
to explain. Chicago Daily News.
Simmons-"Ti "Timmins' most striking
literary works have never been pub
lished." Watts-"You are right.
have several letters of his, striking
me for fives and tens, that have never
seen publicity. indianapolis Jour
nal
"Now that your son is partner in
stead of a clerk, Mr.. Hardly, does he
help you in your business as much as
formerly?" "a good deal more"
"That's fine" Eyes; he never shows
up at the office now. Detroit Free
Press.
Hoax-."My wife and some OF her
friends are going TO organize secret
society" Joax-"Nonsensel The
idea of women in secret society!
Hoax-"You misunderstood. They
are to meet TO tell secrets. Boston
Traveller.
He-'T love you, Miss Peach, ar
IDENTIFY, passionately, madly." She
Nonsense, Mr.. DE Sever; you are
hardly acquainted with me-" He-"l
know, but then-why, perhaps that's
the reason, DON'T you know. boston
Transcript.
Boston Lady-"If you will split
that pile of wood 1 will give you
sandwich" p" Tramp - MADAM,
never split things-not even infini'
tiyes. Boston Lady--"Oh, you lovely
man! Come in and have tea with
me. "-Cleveland Leader
"His success in financial way has
been something marvellous" "YesY"
Eyes, sir. I've often heard him tell
how, when he came here fifteen years
ago, all he owed in the world was
dollar and quarter, and last week he
failed for million. Detroit Jour
nal.
Squire Catchem-"S this, colonel,
is the great moose you shot in Nova
Scotia? Now-at-what became OF
the body?" Colonel Nimrod-"There
-er-was no body-thst is-er-the
wolves had eaten the body, you see,
when I-er-shot itp-London Pear
sons Weekly.
"Td rather" said the actor, "that
YOU would devote fewer of your stor-
les to my personal traits and adven-
lures, and more Of them to my acting"
"Billy, my boy" said the press agent,
at is your acting that am trying to
draw the public's attention away from.
, Cincinnati Enquirer.
, 'T may be ver-careful," " she said,
as she hid the plated spoons and curl
ing irons in the bottom of her trunk
before she went out shopping, but l
can't bear to run any risks" Then
she pinned her gold watch to the out
. side of her dress by blue ribbon,
and went down town.-Standard.
> She-"Don't you think Mrs. Wap'
I slew is a beautiful woman" He
. "She is a beautiful woman-the most
beautiful woman, L think, that have
' ever seen." She latter he has gone)-
81 wonder il he has always been such
q a fool. or whether it has just begun to
! grow on him lately. cleveland Lead
/ er.
: Hostess lat party)-"And does your
l mother allow you to have two pieces
a of pie when you are at home, WillieY
4. Willie (who has asked for second
e piecel-"No, ma'am." Hostess
Q t,Well do Won think she would like