Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-02-20

babbIement, and asinine affeotations. 1t Is
NOT necessary TO use jaw-breakers Let
your extemp0raneous descantings ana
lnpremedltated expatiations have intel
Eligibility and veraclous vivacity. without
rodonnontade or thrasonical bombast. Sc
..uIousIv avoid all polysyIlabic profund-
itv. psittaceous vacuity, ventriloqual YER
hositv. and vandlloquent vapidity; shun
double entendres, purient Jocosity, and
pestiferous profanity. obscurent or sp-
parent.
The partridge and Molly cotton-taii
seasons are now over but Cupid Is sun
cunning after big game, and mas nus
pouch well filed with matrimonial VIC
tins. They say people are dying no"
who never died before. and II is the same
way with marriages. In fact. II is princi-
pallv those who have hitherto had no
experience that are trying the hymenlai
experiment. This condition OF anairs
naturally opens up a discussion concern
ing weddings and their pleasant and as
agreeable features. From the STANDPOINT
of the contracting parties-or protractins
parties, as a country correspondent re-
Gently expressed it--there is only TO-
seate hue about the business, but we
Of the initiated outside may have dit-.
ferent views. AS illustrative or the con-
trariety OF opinion between the "nappy
couples" and those who shower rice upon
them, we may mention this subject OF
wedding presents-a diabohcal custom IN
augurated many years ago by some IN
dividual who owes an apology 10 nu-
manity. We OF the initiated are not over
ly-enthusiastic when an opportunity
comes for a display Of our hypocritical
generosity, and when several opportuni-
ties come the same week or the same
month we are loud In our prote3ts-that
is, behind the backs of the future Kill
kenny cats. But the diabolical custom TO
which l have alluded holds us up to the
scratch, and allows no scope for our In
dignation. We may rip and snort as
much as we please, but we always pay
the tax. Has there ever been case.
dear gentle, tight-fisted reader, when the
presents were not profuse and handsome,
and when we did not help TO make them
so? Yea, even though the prospective
Sabbath trousers or the plumed head
gear were sacrificed. we have contributed
our quota of berry forks and sugar-tongs.
Full we'll we know that it is partly due TO
our reluctant magnanimty that the we'd
ding guest looks on a scene of glitter1na
gewgaws and tinselled trinkets. And for
the time being-that is, until they learn
to know each other well-the possessors
of these treasures are much pleased, and
would even consent 10 make an affidavit
that marriage is not a failure. Their
views on the subject Of wedding presents
are different from ours.
But, after the bill for our present, the
thing that most rubs our fur the wrong
way IS the note Of thanks from the bride.
For years after we have made our dona-
ton we feel that she and her husband
should be deeply grateful to us, and,
therefore, when we receive card en-
dersed please accept many thanks for
your beautiful present" we foam at the
mouth and snap fiercely at all the flies
that hover around US. We are told to
accept many thanks-possibly hogshSad
full of them-and yet, when we go to ac-
cept them, we find the whole outlay
dished up on a visiting-card This, we
say. is the reward for the Sabbath trou-
sers which were sacrificed on the altar
of Hymen; this, we exclaim, is the graft
tude rendered in exchange for the new
bonnet, which would have necessitated
at least nine visits to the miliners and
put all the female members of our con-
, gregatlon TO the blush. And i'm our Bit
terness against the world in general. ana
young married couples in particular. we
rush wildly TO our neighbors and tell