Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-10-30
HOW THE IDLER Is FORCED To
SPEND HIS SUNDAYS.
TIE CHILDREN AT CHURCH.
They Bear IN BraveIy at First, But
Get WriggIy Towards the Last-A
Stub Pen and a Womnu-Mothers-
fn-Law and Other "In-Laws."


sramme which makes my very bones
ache and deprives the occasion OF any
pleasure whatsoever. Naturally. 1t IS
the one day In the week when one would
hope to get good, long, uninterrupted
snooze. with an absolute disregard for
business and your boss, who bulldozes
you six days out Of seven. No matter
how pious, or impious. you may be, you
spend the whole week thinking how you
are going to paralyze sleep on the succeed
ing Sunday, but when the happy time
comes something always hoos up and
disarranges all your plans.
In our household the Commapdei-!n-
Chief Is the great merplot. This is the
one day out Of the long. weary seven
when she decides to get UP at the crack
Of day, and. being a soclable Individual,
she, also. decides TO have everybody else
up at the same time. You needn't try
to resist her. or to sleep through her OBJ
iursations. for her threats are sufficient
to arouse dead man, much less poor
d. owsy mortal, who feels that ne would
sell his soul for just 10 minutes more Of
the slumber which permeates his whole
system
a favorits trick of the good woman is
10 swear that il IS two hours later than
the clock really says. Way yonder bout
daybreak, while you arc "rean;ins that
you have kicked your Loss Down the
Office stairs and ordered him out Of his
own ofiic> you hear amidst the thunder
Of his 30 >ttering remains, T. shrnl voice,
yelling: Get up, get up; It's going on
towards 10 o'clock. l certainly do think
it's mean to do this way when 1t upsets
the cook So"
In drowsy tones you express your en-
tire Willingness TO rise instanter, and
forthwith you try to get in three more
delicious minutes on the worthy busy
body. AS you doze off again you hear
her bustling and buzZing around like a
great house-fy. and you know, sleepy as
you are, that she's going to light on you
again in a second. Your case Is hope
less. and experience ought 70 tell you so,
but you resolve to battle for more rest,
even If she tears you to pieces.
Her next tactics, after she has made
more fuss than she ever made before In
her life. are to yell out and ask you II
YOU want her TO fetch your winter nan
nels from the camphor-chest And when
you say yes, just to get I'm another minute,
she forthwith attacks you in a long ar
gument, urging the wisdom OF doing with
out your fannels for another week. You
sleep through this, and resume your
dream to that point where you stamp
your boss and kick the sawdust out Of
his lifeless trunk, when you again near
the thunders OF her voice.
ut certainly Is mean in you to do this
way" she screams you're spelling my
whole day. and the cook won't get of
an 10 pfD here
the voice gets cosxlngly persuasive. You
readily agree to dress Immediately, and
lust when the early riser begins 70 ar
range her bangs. and put little whiten-
ing on her face, you browse off again.
For a moment she loses sight OF you
In her absorbing pursuit, but, her frizZes
having BIN properly adjusted, she re-
news the assault, and storms tremendous
~ when she perceives that you have again
deceived her.
This time she adopts different tactics.
"All right" she snorts, "stay right in bed;
spoil everybody else's day; let the house
hold go to pieces I'm glad OF one thing,
though. You'll get a cold breakfast. and
your wafles and fresh FISH will be like
ice. certainly amt going 10 bother about
you"
This is the master-stroke. The word
waffies Exclusively a Sabbath luxury
touches you In spot which is inVulner-
able to all other considerations. You
arise, make the desperate plunge, feel
the cold air strike you, sigh, and long for
death, which is soothingly called eternal
sleep"
A few minutes later you look at tho
clock II is seven minutes TO s. The Com
mander-in-Chief has deceived you. She
said sit was going on 10 TO-" but 1t Will
take It over two hours TO get there. Thus
the day Of rest begins.
1t is not 10 be supposed that the turis-
dietion Of the Commander-in-C Chief is con-
fined exclusively 10 me. There are the
children-the interesting string OF step
ping stones, who, like their father would
fain sleep late on the Sabbath. But IT
must not be so. The good woman rightly
decides that they cannot begin going 10
church too young, and so the whole XII
and kaboodle Of them have their faces
polished and their hands scrubbed, and
their little shoes shined and their uncom-
fortably starcby clothing put on. The
voungsters-that Is TO say, the most new
mown Of the gang-are not familiar with
mundane religious services, having but
recently come from Heaven themselves,
and SO the Commander-in-Chief explains
TO these innocents what they are TO eH-
pect.
"The great, big man gets up on some
thing like a box" she says and tens
people to be good and TO love each other
and not throw stones and kill cats, and
then the folks sing and pray, and every
body keeps quiet and behaves themselves
and tries TO be good"
Bakers Dozen. who is too young 10
have a discriminating mind and who al
WAYS makes an issue on irrelevant mat
ters. inquiret why il is the great Dig
man" doesn't wish people to Kill cats
and throw stones and If the request IS
70 their keeping quiet is intended TO cover
the whole period OF their existence.
Having explained these matters, the
head of our column starts US all or, me
first and then the string OF juveniles.
and we show up at the house OF worship
with a serene front and calm, placid
air which tells nothing Of our domestic
sacrifices.
At first the children are intensely inter
ested and so am / for that matter but
"a time wears on ana the services settle
down from the preiminaries TO good
old time. "fftiethly" sermon, things be-
Gin IN get nutty In other words the
dedelings no longer venerate the great
mig man." but regard him as rather ure-
some. and seek 10 amuse themselves In
some legitimate way-legitimacy implying
coma means which will escape the ooser-
gatIon of the Commander-in-Ch Chief who
mas ewes like fly and can almost see
an, az the back Of her head. Marmaduke
has long since caught the eye Of another
mail boy across the aisle. and has wink
"A AT him and then showed him gravel
,hooter. But the urchin across the way
Is also handicapped by female ogre, and
90