The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1898-05-31
A HINT TO CHURCH. rsHERs.

time became aware that he was expert
erc.ng some curious phenomena He dis
covered that he was very drowSy at some
services and very alert at others without
apparent reason: that sometimes ne would
have ali sorts OF unpleasant sensations
about the head, while az others he would
have a delicious sense Of pleasnrable and
restfui feeling, accompanied by keen
appreciation OF the thoughts of the
speaker and the harmonies OF the music.
Now. my friend was a good. conscien-
sious fellow. who always wanted TO do
right. feel right and do good in the world.
and he began 10 suspect that there must
be some unnecessary cause for losing much
the greater part OF the pleasure. beauty
and other benefits OF this world. One day
when the preacher was TO deliver spe-
ciai sermon to a class OF college grsdn-
ates, friend Jack. who imagines he has
views OF his own at such times, was on
hand and wide awake.
The large class OF proud and conscious
students with their characteristic caps
and gowns. sandwiched and half-hidden
by a grand array OF gorgeous and liter 2
ally binding Easter bonnets. was ranged
before him. The service began; the organ
peaied forth and friend Jack prepared 10
enjoy himself. But he didn't. He soon
began 10 feel that something was the mat
ter. The right side of his head began to
have a painful and CONSTRUCTED feeling.
His ear ached. and there seemed TO be
some force showing his head away. He
caught himself several times rubbing that
side Of his head to get rid Of the influence.
After while, he began TO think about
the other side, and to his surprise he dis
covered that the left side was not only
all right but 1t was having a peculiarly
pleasant sensation. On this discovery,
Jack gave up the hopeless task of trying
to follow the preachers theory OF higher
education and set to investigating. He
discovered that some blind fate had made
a laundering attempt TO serve the eternal
fitness OF things by placing him between
two equally attractive young ladies. The
second look. however. showed that the
one on the right was OF very fair COM
plexion. light hair and eyes and highly
magnetic temperament. The one Oh the
left. on the contrary. had dark hair,
brown eyes. and was decidedly electric or
negative. Then he took look at himself
and discovered that he had the same
magnetic characteristics throughout as
the rosy-faced girl on his right Giving
his memory jog, he remembered that
he had once attended the lectures of an
old fat and hearty walking advertisement
OF health who used to come to the Sound
to teach phrenology. Jack didn't have
sense enough TO appreciate 1T at the time.
but the theories had stuck in his memory.
and now. fishing them out he applied
them to his dilemma with this curious re-
suit: All magnetic properties should have
an electric complement. Any two COM
panions should have differing il not oppo-
site magnetic qualities; he. being fair and
magnetic, should have had brown eyes on
both sides OF him. Then he would have
felt all right. and had the best use of ali
his senses. The blue-eyed rosebud ought
to have been put among some black
haired fellows where she would have felt
bright and happy. instead OF looking as
II she had headache and Indigestion, and
wanted to go TO bed.
Jack lived through the service. and as
he walked down the street, stiIi brushing
the biue-eyed rosebud from his ear at
times with his hand, he pondered over the
question whether 1t was really necessary
for two-thirds Of al, that thousand people
to have to sit In misery and discomfort.
The next day Jack saw his friend, the
dominic. pedaling down the avenue, and,
catching his eye, he drew him to the side
walk, where he fired his broads:de of
complaints into his ear. Now, the par
son knew a thing or two of this world;
he had brushed against humanity In the
law courts. and he was not 50 sure as
some of his colleagues that all the
ills OF flesh are chargeable to an inscruti-
be Providence. He appreciated the fact
that If most OF his audience were sitting
force and SO far was doing no more good
than II baling water into the ocean. The
parson lost no time In studying the situa-
ton, and one evening called his young
men. who were charged with the duty OF
seating the congregation, together ana ex.
planned the emergency. He soon observed
that some OF the young candidates for
deaconshlp were too narrow between the
eyes to appreciate such philosophy dur
ing the present generation, and they were
induced to take another corner OF the har-
vest field. Most OF the young men, how
ever, were quite taken with the scheme
and readily undertook the task of con-
tributing to the welfare OF their church
brethren and sisters. They knew it would
not do to expose their plan TO the curious.
so they quietly hunted up the old phi.oso-
pher for advice. He at once offered to in
duct them into whole new world Of life
or such transcendent beauty as they had
never dreamed-but that's another story.
He showed all the curious phenomena OF
the power and fitness of magnetism and
electricity as they exist In the human fam
lily that they were able to absorb Then
they proceeded 10 put his theories in prac-
tice by gradual steps, taking care at first
of the most pronounced types. watching
the effects and gradually dealing with the
more complex characters. The blind crowd
never realized what was being done: they
did wonder a little that each individual
was seated In order instead OF whole fami-
lies or companies being left to fall In at
random. but they did not inquire. They
simply knew that they felt good. the music
was harmonious. the prayers and sermons
spiritual the pastor was about perfect
and that the ways OF Providence are in
scrutibe. JOHN E. AVER.