The age-herald., 1898-08-13
MIR. DOOLEY IS ENvIOUs.
He Wants to Be on Gin'ral Miles Gran
 Picnic.
Peter Dunn in Chicago Journal.

Peter Dunn in Chicago Journal.
 Dear, oh, dear" said MT. Dooley, "Td give five dollars-an' I'd kill a man fir three-if I was out iv this Sixth wa-ard to- night an down with Gin'ral Miles gran picnic an moon light excursion in Porther Ricky. 'Tis no comfort in bein' a cow'rd whin ye think iv thim br-rave la-ads facin' death be suffocation in bokays an dyn iv waltzin' With tn pretty girls iy Porther Ricky.
 q dinnaw whether Gin'ral Miles picked out tn job or whether twas picked out fir him. But anyhow, whin he got to Santiago de Cubia an looked ar-round him. he says to his frind Ginral Shafter: 'Ginral. says he 'ye have done well so far, he says:
 "'Tis not f'r me to take tn lorls frim tn steamin brow iv a thrue hero, he says, I lave ye here,' he says, fir to complete tn victhry ye have so nobly begun. he says. 'F'r you he says, tn wallop in tn eye firm tn newspaper rayporther. tn r-round robbing an tn sunsthroke, he says, fir me tn hardship iv tn battle field. tn late dinner, tn theayter party an tn sickenin' polky,' he says. Gather he says, tn fruits iv yeer bravery, he says. Ray turn, he says, to ye'er native land an rayceive amy gratichood tn sicrety iv war can spare firm his own family, he says. FIT me- he says, there is no way but fir to tur-rn me back upon the festive scene,' he says, an go where jooty calls me- he says. Ordherly,' he says, put bottle on tn ice an see that me goold pants that I wear with tn pale-blue vest with tn dfmon buttons is iron out he says. An with a haggard face he walked aboord tn excursion steamer an wint away.
 expedition, Hinnissy. Whin tn picnic got far as Punch, on tn southern coast iv Porther Ricky. Gin'ral Miles gazes out an says he: This looks like good place to hang tn hammicks, an have lunch, says he Forward. brave men,, says he, where ye see me di-mon's sparkle sar he. Forward an plant tn crokay arches iv our beloved counthry,' he says. An in they wint like inthrepid warryors that they ar-re.
 On tn bpeach they was met be diri- gation firm tn town of Punch consistin' tv tn mayor, tn common council, tn polls an fire departments, tn Gr-rand Army iv the Raypublic, an prominent citizens in carredges. Ginral Miles makin' nasty tielet. advanced onfiinchingly to meet him. 'Gintlemen,' says he, what can I do fr ye? he says. We come,' says tn chair man iv tn comity, fir to offer ye,' he says, tn r-run iv tn town he says. We have held out he says as long as we cud,' he says. But he says, 'theyse limit to human endurance,'- he says. we can withstand ye no longer he says. We surrindir. Take us prisoners an rayceive us into ye'er gloryous an well-fed ray public he says. 'Br-rave men, says Gin'ral Miles, I congratulate ye,' he says, 'on tn heeroism iv der definse he says. 'Ye stuck manfully to yer colors wheriver they ar're,' he says. I on'y wondher that ye waited fir me to come befure surrindh- rim, he says, T welcome ye into tn union.' he says. T don't know how tn union'l feel about it, but that's no business iv mine,' he says. 'Ye will get ye'er wur-rkin' cards firm tn walkin' diligate he says, an yell be entitled he sr~s. to pay yeer share v tn taxes an to i've awhile an die whin ye get r-ready,' he says jus tn same as if ye was bor-rn at home,'v he says, I don't know tn names iv ye, but I'll call ye all Casey fir short he says. Put ye'er bokays in tn hammick,' he says, 'an' IF . urn to Punch,' he says, an freeze somethin' f'r me- he says, fir me thrawt is parched with tn labors iv tn day. he says. Tn r-rest iv tn avenin' was spint in dancin'. music an boat r-ridin, an an ini'yable time was had.
 9Th nex' day tn army moved on Punch an Gin'ral Miles marched into tn ill-fated city, preceded by flower girls sthrewin' r-roses an geranyums befure him. In tn afthernoon they was lawn tinnis party an at night tn ginral attinded banquet at tn Gran Palace hotel. At midnight he was serenaded be the Raymimber tn Maine Banjo an Mandolin club. The entire poppy lace attinded, with prk chops in their but tonholes to show their pathreetism Tn nex' day afther breakfastin' with Mayor Casey, he set out on his weary march over tn trough f1ower-strewn paths, fir San Joon. He has been In gr-reat purl firm witherin' fire iv bokays, an he has met an overpowered some iv tn mos savage ora tors in Porther Ricky, but when las heerd iv him he had pitched his tents an ice- cream freezers near the innimy's wall. an was grajully siencin' thim with procla- nations"
 "They's kill him with kindness if he don't look out" said MT. Hennessy.
 q dinnaw about that said MT. ,Dooley, "but I know this, that there's tn maxim of great statesmen in Porther Ricky. A proud people that can switch us quick as thim la-ads have nawthin' to larn in tn way iv what Hogan calls tn signs iy gov- ernment even firm tn supreme court"