Catoctin clarion., 1898-12-15
WIT, HUMOR AND SENTI'
MENT.

DURING the deluge Mr.. Noah was in the
habit Of calliug his wife an ark angel.
A biz head is no more ~ evidence Of
trains than paper collar is ( = shirt.
A Corkonian, on being asked at breakfast
aow he came by that black eye, said that
he slept on his fist"
A military man, pitching into an oppo.
ssnt, exclaimed: why, his sword was
aever drawn but once, and that was in Q
sAele."
"You got mp before breakfast. see, "
sa:i Mr., Fresh to a customer who dropped
m for some beefsteaks "N0. l got up
sGer it," said the customer.
"How came you to have such q short
.ose ?"asked city dandy Of country boy.
SO that should not be poking it into
ether peoples business" was the reply.
THAT'S what call finished Sermon
said lady to her husband as they wended
their way from church, eyes" was the
,ply with yawn, but do you know
thought it never would be-"
"Remember who you are talking to,
t.r," said an indignant parent to facetlous
IVY, ~ am your father" We'll, who's
~ blame for that ?" said the young i'm.
lsrtinence, "'taint me-"
People often complain Of hard times
from mere natural ten"" to growl,
Iut a Georgia darkey the I. .er day said
"Nebber seed sich times since been born.
York all day and steal all night, aid blessed
;: | can hardly make a liyin'."
"If were as hard up as you are." re-
.aarkcd one citizen to another this week,
I'D get out Of it some way if had to beg
n steal" "What, | beg? | steal?" ex-
claimed the other, Indignantly" I'd soon
er-sooner get trusted
This, dear children, is the shoe Of n
chinese lady; see how little i: is ; what
very narrow sole it has" "I'll bet it amt
.s narrow as Deacon-'s. Father say
lis soul will fall through a crack in the floor
tome day and get lost" was the shrill com
ment of boy given to sharp listening.
A gentleman in New Orleans was agree
.bly surpr sed to find plump turke,
served up for his dinner, and inquired 81
bis servant how it was obtained. why
,r," replied Sambo, "dat turkey has bees
boosting on our fence tree nights so d.
morning l seize him for de rent Oh ia
fence"
"Young man." said stern old profes
.or to a student who had been charge<
with kissing one of his daughters youp1
man, don't get into the habit. You'll in|
shat kissing is like eating soup with
fork" "How 80, sir ?" asked the stu
dent. "Because," answered the stern old
professor, "you can't get enough OF it."
"Bub, did you ever stop to think" said
grocer, recently, as he measured out half
peck Of potatoes, that these potatoes
contain sugar, water and starch! "Noa,
l didn't" replied the boy but heard
mother say you put peas and beans in your
coffee and about a pint Of water in ever,
quart of milk you sold."
The wives Of men Of sentiment are not
always the most appreciative Of sentiment.
Walter Scott read one of his beautiful i'm.
aginings to his wife, who listened with eye
lids cast down and bated breath. Az he
closed, the sharer Of his joys beamed forth
with " Don't put on your left stocking TO-
morrow, dear l must mend that hole in
It,"
a very tcuiOuS hCUOI, WuObC iIutuISt
occupied four hours, was once playing the
part in a town in the Potteries, and, with
plenty of emphasis, but no discretion, was
"ladling out" the celebrated soliloquy
"To-be-or- not.-to-be," when an ir-
reverent gallery. boy called out to him
80, toss up for it mister, and don't
preach"
A Yankee who had never paid more than
twenty-five cents to see nm exhibition,
went to New York theatre one night to
zee the Forty Thieves" The ticket sci.
,er charged him seventy five cents for a
ticket. Passing the paste board back, he
,uietly remarked Keep it, mister,
ion't want to see the other thirty nine" +"
and out he walked
A venerable clergyman said that be
once attended a meeting in which man
arose and said he intended to speak that
hitherto he had been prevented from speak.
ing in public by his wife, but that she be-
ing dead he should speak with freedom
"He did so,' added the clergyman, and
4 was not long before every one in the
sudience mourned over the death of that
wife"
An elderly gentleman called at lodging
house, and asked the servant who opened
The door. Have you a loom to let?"
YES" she replied but" "B But.
what?" asked the gentleman. You are
over sixty, aren't your" asked the girl
eyes, he answered, ~ am sixty FIVE
~ thought so, said the girl " You CAM
have the room, as my missis don't want an,
funerals from her house "
Conjucal felicity depends largely upon
mutual ,'n.idence. II make It rule.
.aid v lcre to his friend ito tell m,
wife every thing that happens. In tha,
ray we manage to avoid any msunder
,tanding" MOTTO be outdoue in generosit,
he friend replied, well. sir you are not
= open and frank rs | am, for | tel m,
.ife n great many things that never hap
H.
"See here, cd fellow, this looks sus
ro.ous. Where did this long hair come
IRONY" "Why, that's from my wife't
bad" care you sure OF it?" " Sure OF
~ Of course am. You don't suppose you
would find any other womans hair about
ne, DC you?" mo, probably not; but
I'm soi:y you are 50 sure it is your wife's
hair, for lust picked it off the coat Of this