davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28
REINFORCED.

The Yale Has Landed Her Four
Thousand Men.
WASHINGTON. June 28:-The navy
department this morning posted the
following bulletin: Admiral Sampson
reports that the Yale arrived yesterday
and unloaded her troops.
TAMPA, June 28.--Nine thousand
troops leave here today to reinforce
Shafter.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28
SHAFTER SUPREME.

Gen. Miles Will Not Be Sent to Sam
tiago.
WASHINGTON, June 2S.---It is stated
this morning that the president has
decided not to grant Gen. Miles's re-
quest that he be sent to Santiago. In
the Judgment of the president Gen.
Shafter is entitled to all the credit
that may result.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28

Hanover College of Madison, Ind,
has conferred on Governor Mount the
degree of Ill. D.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28
DEWEY INFORMED
Of The Reported Movements of Ca
mdrd'S Fleet.

WASHINGTON, June 2S.---A dispatch
from Hong Kong says that the Ameri-
can consul has sent a dispatch boat to
Manila to inform Dewey of the move
ments of Camsra's fleet which is said
to be passing through the Suez canal
today. enroute to the Philippines.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28

Deputy Internal Revenue Collector
Bovee will open his office at No. S
Tays block, on Little plaza.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28

On May % twenty-five years had
elapsed since the Introduction of the
first sleeping car on q German railway.
L. ran Between Berlin and Osiepd.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28

Joseph Mackey, who was distinguish
ed as being the oldest Grand Army
man in Pennsylvania, and, it is thought.
in the country, as we'll. has just died at
his home in Tamseua, Pa.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28
Baroness BIanCo Dvjnu.

CHICAGO, June 2S.--The Baroness
Blanco is dying here today.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1898-06-28
CORBETT AND MCCOY.

Matched to Fight Next Month.
NEW YORK, June 28.-Corbett and
Kid Mccoy are matched to fight next
month for twelve Thousand dollar
purse.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04

tent, his milkman dishonest and his
house sadly needing head. She takes
charge and bosses things, and the
newly married man has to give up his
latchkey, go down in the cellar to
smoke, and"
"Ah, it all comes back to met all
comes back" interrupted the nurse.
The mother-in-law waters the milk,
reduces the coffee and puts Jeems on
an allowance of fifteen cents a week.
He comes home pretending to be i'll of
smallpox, but it won't work. He starts
a fire, but he can't smoke her out. He
braces up and demands his rights, but
she sets down on him with bump
ha, ha. ha. There are mothers-in-
law still; why not have the mother-in-
Law joke as o yore?"
Were to live" said the patient.
with a touch of pathos in his voice
"were to live on"
Poor boy!" she sighed. % she pat
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
BEATING A TENDEPF00T.

Sailing a mine is a mean trick, of
course" said the Colorado man. but
there are meaner things than that A
few years ago l had an old mine which
had been worked out, and | thought
1t a good business move to unload it on
a tenderfoot Just as l had got it nicely
salted d man from New Hampshire came
along in search of good things. l marked
him down for my mutton, and for ten
days L had him in tow. He didn't know
a hole in the ground from a buzzard in
a tree-top. and my conscience actually
mine off on him He had no money. but
had the deed to 200 acres of land in his
State and when he offered to exchange
even up I made out that l was thousand
dollars ahead of the game
And how did you come out?" vas
asked.
tWhy. the cheeky tenderfoot put III
the claim for a rattle and sold 500 tickets
at dollar apiece, and when l had a
friend in the East look up the land il
proved to be mountain on which q
wood-chuck could hardly get a foothold
I might have swallowed that and sold
IT to the State for an observatory. but
l hadn't owned it two months before the
whole business slid down into a valley
and made a new farm of 300 acres. which
the tenderfoot went back and jumped
under the law of the State.'
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04

Fight was the reply, and next
minute they were at it.
The farmer was licked man inside
of five minutes. When he had been
knocked over a bench and under the wa
ter-cooler the agent went off and left him.
and the victim slowly got up and looked
around for his hat and queried of me:
Stranger. would you say / had any
more case agin this railroad for KILN
my hog?''
Il would not"
Il kinder put it that if he licked me
I'd shet up, didn't ~
Yes, it sounded that way to me-
And l got wolloped?"
You did. 1t was a fair fight and you
got wolloped."
Wall, that's all he said as he lifted
his coat-tail to wipe the blood off his
nose-"all except I'm the biggest idiot
in these United States Here I've bin
worryin fur sixteen long years over
three-dollar hog. and thinkin" the case
never would be settled, and yit If ia
known beans it could hev bin off my
mind in five minutes, Shoe, Shoe! No
more papers-no more affdavits-no
more worryin' and wonderin'. I'm goin'
homo feelin' that I've got a mighty Zig
load off my back.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04

ted him on the shoulder. III you feel
strong enough now ron might give me
your name and address, etc.
"A joke" he said after awhile, and
paying no attention to her request-"a
good joke ought to live on through all
seasons end all changes of politics.
That mother-in-law joke could be
shaped in about twenty different direc-
tons, and I can't understand why it
went to the WALL Watch for it, how
ever. Old things often become new.
This craze for antiques may bring the
newly married Jeems and his mother
in-law to the surface any fine morn
ing"
They'd be old friends and warmly
welcomed" chuckled the nurse.
THE RAILROAD SANDWICH JOKE.
And you must remember the rail-
road sandwich joker" queried the pa
tient, as he looked languidly at the
clock on the wall across the ward.
"Of course-of course-ha. ha. hal"
laughed the nurse. 1T is years since
saw it in print, but the recollection
makes me laugh. 1t was touch and go
between that and the stove-pipe joke"
But always seasonable-always sea-
sonable. You could write it up for
January or July, and it always brought
a laugh. There are railroads to-day
more railroads and more railroad eat
ing houses than fifteen or twenty years
ago, and why should the railroad sand
witch joke have dropped out of the pa
pers?"
Il can't understand. l have known
twenty convalescents to laugh over
that joke. l ought to have preserved
it in scrap-bOok form. Let's see if /
remember it correctly. A railroad pas
senger rushes into an eating house
where there is only ten-minute stop
and grabs for cup of coffee in one
hand and sandwich with the other.
AS he bites into the sandwich there
is a crash and
That's correct" smiled the I'M
known-'he breaks a tooth and yells
out and dances around"
And he demands of the boss wheth-
er he is making sandwiches of flag
stones or mahogany
"And the boss replied that the bread
is less than a week old. and seems
greatly astonished."
Just so, and when asked if the meat
between the layer is sheet-iron or boot
leather he-he-"
He considers it a reflection on the
house and resents it with hot words.
Yes, l remember how it used to run.
| have had patients laugh over that
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
III Y ALL GET II.

The u S. Senator had been talking
about things in Washington, when one of
| his listeners asked if he ever had any
trouble about seeing heads of depart
ments.
Very rarely" was the reply. eff
there is any trouble it is lower down,
among the subordinates. Some of them
have the swell-head for 3e5 days in the
year, and they never miss a chance to
show off their Importance. Three or
four years ago young man from my
town arrived in Washington to start on
career. He was dead-broke and hum
CRY, and after a good deal of trouble
got him a clerkship in the Pension Blu
reau. He expressed the profoundest
gratitude. of course, but dropped out of
sight and 1 hadn't heard of him for
year when an errand took me to the
Bureau. l wanted to see certain chief,
but was told he was out of town. Then
l asked to see the man acting in his
place, but was told to come next day. l
didn't propose to be turned down, how
ever. l sent in a note that l would
either accomplish my errand or appeal
to the Cabinet officer and after further
waiting was admitted. When l came
that it was my protege, and though 1
was considerably stirred up 1 forced
smile and said:
Why, Walter. is this you?'
My name. sir, l. ]. Walter Chester
he Jelly replied, az ne looked me in the
eye.
All right, Mr.. ]. Walter Chester, 1
am Senator Blank
Blank? Blank? From what State
please?"
"'Ohio'
"'Ah, believe there is Senator
Blank from Ohio or somewhere, but
really now
You are too busy to make sure?'
"'Just So
May 1 ask your rank in this Blu
reau?'
" Sir" said he, as he put still more
ice onto it: our chief is absent on his
vacation. The assistant who takes his
place has gone to a funeral, and the as
sistant to the assistant is out for lunch.
I am therefore, acting as chief, and I'M
less your business is of national i'm
portance l shall refuse to interrupt the
regular routiner
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
SHOULD NURSES EE PRETTY


Should trained nurses be pretty, or
plain?" The question was ssaised at
convention of women at New York the
other day, vigorously discussed, and
then the convention passed on to other
topics. Was it decided? OF course not.
II is woman's province to raise racket
and then the poor men go off and fight
duels or do other foolish things in an
attempt to decide the issue. But should
trained nurses be prettye A good way
to get at the answer would be to ask
another question: Why shouldn't they?
A nun Der of ladies raised the poins
that a good-look;ng nurse often plays
hob in the household into which she
is taken to attend strictly to business.
and that in hospitals she is constant
source of danger to the impressionable
young physicians with whom she is
thrown in contact
The point here seems to be that some
trained nurses are entire too well
trained. But it doesn't decide the
question. Because ONE or two pretty
nurse girls have done more than the
contract called for, it, doesn't follow
that beauty in these ministering angels
is to be generally condemned. Mores
over, Il isn't always the prettiest nurse
girls who prove to be the most fasci-
mating. What woman lacks in beauty
she often makes up in grace and charm
and tenderness. But suppose the edict
goes forth that none but homely girls
are to be allowed to enter the guild
where will we get the trained nurses
for the future? We are afraid woman's
injustice to her own sex crops out
again in this discussion. No man
would have ever raised this point, and
we are sorry that it has been raised
at all And vet no great damage las
been done. The pretty nurse girl
speaks for herself. and she will con-
tinue to do so eloquently and satisfac-
torily.- Philadelphia North American
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
Say, maybe you are one of us?
ask d the fat man.

Say, maybe you are one of u.s."
ask d the fat man.
"Yes-jusi so. Yes, have also lied
about my war record, but l supposed l
was all alone. in it,"
81 used to tell my wife that l had no
army record to boast of, and that thou
sands of others were more entitled to
praise and admiration, but you know
how wives fare about a husbands rep
utation. SHE kept piling it on, and she
kept making matters worse for me. 1t
was s.srolfgh her talk more than any
thing else that our party in the Fifth
ward finally decided to nominate me
for alderananic honorS. They knew l
was a modest and retiring man, and
they kept the thing quiet until ready
to nominate. The first thing | knew
was when that wife of mine proudly
laid the morning paper before me. The
item was of course headed: Honor to
a Wounded Veteran and it went on to
say'that | had lost gallons and gallons
of blood in putting down the rebellion,
and that full particulars of my gallant
record would soon be published as a
contrast to the stay-at-home record OF
the opposing candidate.
",By George!" whispered the bald
healed man as the sweat started on
his chin.
"You don't say" hoarsely exclaimed
the man with the big watch chain.
81 can realize the position, for have
been there-been there!' groaned the
man with the lop-shoulder. Il injured
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
CLOSING UP A CASE.

While jogging along over the dusty
highway with a pack on my back
was overtaken by farmer in wagon
and invited TO climb up, and after we
had talked for awhile, lie said:
Stranger. when we git 10 Paola there 5
goin' to be some fun, and if you ain
in a drefful hurry you might stop to
see it."
| asked him what he had in contempla-
ton. and his face grew more serious as
he replied:
Sixteen years ago the railroad which
runs through my land killed one o my
hogs. I've been tryin' ever since TO MAJ,
EN- pay me So fur it. but they've lodged
me every time. I've signed about twenty
papers. made five or six affidavits and
bin here and bin there. and now tbs
climax has come"
What sort of q climax2"
Il amt goin 10 wait a mint longer
I'm soin' down to the depot in Paols
and demand them three dollars OF ths
agent there. and If he don't hand 'eH
over I'm goin' TO lick him till he cant
boiler. The old woman and me have
thunk it all over a month past. and sht
saws it's the only way I'll ever git my
money"
I tried to make him see that the agen
couldn't be held for a claim against tht
corporation, but he had planned 1t al
out and wouldn't depart from the pro
eramme. When We reached the village
he drove straight TO the depot, and a
soon q the horsss wsrs secured he iet
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
NEVER COULD TELL. WHEN MIGHT MAKE A SLIP.

this shoulder by falling from tree, but
my wife thinks it was hit by bomb
she'll and she has made my life mis-
cradle for quarter of a century"
I'm glad to hear these things" OBJ
served the fat man as he looked about
with more heart, 'for l supposed l was
suffering alone. | had to stop that po-
litical move. of course. and it took
some of the most gigantic lying the
human tongue is capable of. For a
day or two | thought I'd have to COM
nit suicide to get out of it. The party
finally put up another candidate, but
my 'unheard of modesty,' as the papers
put it. brought me more trouble. They
wanted to publish my army record, and
| was hasassed and bounded until l
packed my grip and went off to the
woods for month. While | was gone
my wife tried to find my papers, and
she actually sent two old mortgages
and bill of sale to one of the news
papers to dig facts out OF! Gentlemen,
excuse this perspiration, but it will
flow"
I've got it, too!' replied the bald
headed man.
And T." added the lop-shouldered
man.
"One of the times l wanted to muir
der my wife" continued the fat man
after he had recovered. was when she
for the benefit of orphans of veterans.
Yes, sir, she had it all fixed before she
let on to me, and one of the incidents
of the talk was to exhibit the wound
on my leg and describe the sensations
of being hit in battle. l had the old
scar of a burn on my right leg, and
a battle wound. When l heard what
| she had done l almost tainted away.
and the only way l could get out of it
was to fall dangerously i'll. 1t was
! lucky for me that l didn't show up.
| There were $50 veterans present at
| that meeting My illness had just per-
an old soldier, who said:
Say, captain, l wish that galoot
/ had showed up at the orphans enter
tainment. l understand he claims that
the Seventh was at Antietam and
! Charlottesville. He's a plump liar
about that, and there was no captain
of Company d who rose from the
ranks. If we get hold of him we'll
make him own up that he's liar and
a duffer!'
That's my case, gentlemen" said
the fat man as he held out his hands
in helpless way. II began By lying.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
THEN HE'D GET MAD"

days ago, after the railroad wreck. We
| haven't got your name yet, and the
ticket on your bed is marked: I'm
known"
q shall not get WE'LL" he said, after
a moment.
mo, your hours are numbered. Do
you wish me to write down any mess
age for you?"
rHE STOVE-PIPE JOKE
do you remember the stove-pipe
joke" queried the patient, as a wan
smile crossed his face. "The funny
papers used to run it fifteen vars ago.
Il remember" replied the nurse, as
her face frightened up.
Good joke that was. 1t always ap-
peared in the papers about the first OF
October. Householder starts in after
supper to put up the coal stove for the
winter. Six joints of the pipe and an
elbow. Wife suggests tinsmith, but
husband wants little gymnastics. The
pipe was made to go toge her as slick
as grease, you know
But it won't do it-ha! ha. ha."
laughed the nurse IF he got two
Joints together they'd fall apart as he
tried to fit the third. His antics with
those joints used to make me roar"
He'd fool around for half an hour,
said the unknown, as his eyes began
to shine, ''and then he'd get mad. Do
you remember how he'd get the ham
mer and saw and ak and crow-bar and
screw-driver and other tools, and work
away until he had SCOT all over the
house?"
"lnd jaw his wife and kick the cat
and yell at the hired girl remember
"And he'd bark his shins, cut his
fingers and pound his thumbs, and he'd
swear that the man who made that
stove-pipe ought to be pitch-forked to
DEATH
"And then-ha, ha! ha!-and then
he'd Jump up and down on the plpe'
and whack the stove with the nam
mer. and it always ended in a family
row and the baby falling down stairs.
All, that stove-pipe joke with its va
riations was a good joke, and l should
like to see it revived. Did you ever
meet the man who invented that joke?
The patient gazed at her with cum
ming light in his eyes and smile
around his mouth, but he did not an
swer YES or no. She was laughing
softly to herself when he quietly sald:
THE MOTHER 1NI-T-AW Joke.
mot an hour before | was hurt l
was thinking of the mother-in-law
Joke. which used to be good for any
week in the year. and wondering if it
would ever be resurrected. You re-
member it, don't you?"
81 should smile--ha. ha, ha." laugh
ed the nurse. who of us does not re-
member? l used to read that joke 10
nv convalescents as a tonic. Let s
see9 How does it go?"
.'Why, a newly married man invites
his mother-in-law to come on 1or d
week. She arrives to discover that MS
wife is all run down. his cook ineompe-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04


and I'm still obliged 70 keep It up. !
shall have to lie myself into the grave.
/ must lie to my wife, my children, my
nieces. nephews and grandchildren. i
must lie to all my friends outside. II
1t hadn't been for the war with Spain
things might have quoted down, but
the war came. and there was need Of
new lies, and only this morning had
to tell minister of the gospel that but
for my wound should have been lead
ing regiment up the hill at Santiago.
Lord! Lord! but why did l ever start
in to 1ie?"
"But why" groaned the other three
in chorus as they mopped away.
Copyright, 1898, by John Brisben Walker0
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04
HIS WAR RECORD.
A Eusbard Who Lied to His Wife About

"A EuSDAFQ VINO Lieu W HIS WHO AbOua
1t.
Gentlemen" began thes fat man as
he finished reading his letter and put
it away in his pocket, Il hold that it
is almost a husbands duty to lie to
his wife more or less, but | started out
by telling lie which seems bound to
follow me to my grave and hang over
nv tombstone after death. My case
ought to be warning to all men who
contemplate marriage and'lying."
"You see," he continued, when mo-
toned to go ahead with his story, Il
was only fourteen years old when the
civil war closed. Ten years later l fell
in love and got married. While l was
counting discovered that the girl had
q great admiration for the men who
had fought and bled for the Union, and
in a thoughtless moment l claimed to
have seen two years service in the
army. was also ass enough 10 men
ton that / had been wounded in the
leg. Also, that went in as private
and came out as captain. | thought l
might as well go the whole hog while
| was about it, you know. was al hero
In the girls eyes at once, and she
hadn't called me captain over dozen
times before we got engaged"
"By George! BY George Whispered
the d-headed man as he slapped his
leg.
whats the matter with you?'
at is the curious coincidence.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-12-04

started out that very way.
"Well. after L had named my regi-
ment and all that, couldn't go back on
my story, of course" resumed the rat
man. Il had to go at it and read war
history and post myself. The girl told
everybody | had been a hero, and even
before we were married | had been
forced to lie about a hundred different
people. When we were welded the
papers referred to me as the battle
SCARED Captain Blank, and the hrst
thing that came around was an invita-
ton to join a Grand Army post. III
bet | have told a million lies to keep
out of that trap, and if l live five years
longer I'll have to tell a million more.
TO Join post, or, rather, to fill out an
application, would expose me at once.
Lord! Lord! But how very, very
queer" whispered the man with the
big watch chain.
us it another curious coincidence?
grimly asked the fat man.
"It is. sir-it is! Yes, l have been
lying about the very same thing for
the last thirty years.
81 tried to call halt on my dear
little wife," said the fat man in voice
If sorrow. "but she wouldn't have it.
She lust wanted all the world to know
that I was wounded hero and de-
serving of public recognition, and she
Insisted that everybody call me cap
tain.' / couldn't move out of my own
gate without humping up against gen
uine old -.ier, and / couldn't walk
two blocks with one Of 'em without his
asking
Let's see, captain What regiment
were you in?"
The Seventh
"sOh. YES. And what battles were you
in?'
"Rull RIM. Antietam, Fredericksburg
Charlottesville. Gettysburg and the
Wilderness.
"sAnd you were wounded?'
I @@.Tn the leg.
.I'd read up on the war. and partic
Mo Nv on the record of the Seventh,
explained the fat man, but l never
could tell when / might make a slip
When fellow got AFTER me | had t'
HIM him off by telling. new lies, and i
\ any Of you folks think that enjoyed 1t
YOU are greatly mistaken. Wnen
have had to sit down with five or ST.
sid vets at ths club. I've had my hal
n and for full hour at a time"
us it possible is It posdbie?' gasp
the loD-shouldered man as ne mop
his brow WITH ii. ns1 tDsr.