davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Crisis i'm Ills Cnrpcr-

Cyrus asked his wife, what are
you moping about?"
1T is thirty years ago to-day.
Keturah," replied the gloomy man.
who had thrown himself on the lounge.
since | became cashier Of the bank. -
We'll, what Of that? Are YOU worn
out? Is the salary too small? Have
you ever had the slightest trouble with
the bank? Is there anything wrong
with your accounts? Are they think
ing of replacing you with n younger
man?"
mo. there's nothing wrong in any
way, 4e..-.ta ,@o l--+ l.al.ior "but
The very fact that l. have been the
banks most trusted Official for thirty
seven years, that ] have never done
dishonest thing in my life; never
made an injudicious loan; that nv ac-
counts are perfectly straight. and that
no man on earth can say a word
against me is making people suspi-
cious, and they are beginning to talk
about me-"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
sample Tcstimon;aYs

We append few testimonials which
may be Of benefit to proprietors of pat
ent medicines:
nave been unable to walk without
crutches for many years, but after US
ing your linimeat I ran for Office"
l lost my eyesight four years ago
used bottle of your eye wash and 7
saw wood"
i have been dumb ever since was
married, but the day after using your
remedy l had a speaking likeness Ia
ken at the photographers"
Some time ago I lost the use Of
ooth arms. Shortly after buying a box
ol your pills l struck a man for ten
dollars"
have been deaf for many years
but after using your ointment | heard
mat my aunt had died and left me
$4,000" --''
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
con Guard~ the wn,ch,vora

Everything is about ready, amt 1t,
Sister Duncan" asked the preacher
who was going to perform the mar
riage ceremony in Cabbage Creek VAL
ley.
NO, Sam amt come to guard the
back winder yit. Toms at the front
door an Ellis at the gate, an as soon
as Sam gifts to the back winder every
thing VIII be ready. You see, John
Henry is sorter timid like, an when it
comes to the pinch of the game his
courage mout fail him an he mout try
70 make a dash for the woods. Polly
knows this an she amt takin' no
chances. She's got the boys posted
whar they can stop John Henry IL
anything should happen"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
SHE MADE 1T DEFINITE.
WatsOn's Note Was BusincsS-I.irsc.
But II Dsdn't Srlt

NaHphH Notc was BuSfnesS- III
But II Didn't SuIt,
Watson was sitting at his desk one
evening when his wife said:
My dear, will you send a note to
Sylk & Satin and tell them that | must
nave the five yards OF lining that I
bought there yesterday. They said
they d send it right away. and must
have it Tomorrow for the dressmaker
viii be here the next day"
SO Watson wrote as follows:
'Messrs. Sylk & Satin: VIII you
please send at once the five yards OF
inning my wife purchased at your store
yesterday"
Let me see what you have written?"
said Mrs. Watson.
"Oh, dear!" she said. after reading
it, that isn't half positive and definite
enough. They'll pay no attention to
that. I'll sit down and write to them
myself"
And this was what she wrote:
"Mcssrs. Sylk C Satin: You will re-
member that | was in your store at
about 10 O'Clock yesterday morning (or
II may have been as late as 10:3O). and
l purchased five yards OF percaline for
dress-lining. One of the salesladies AZ
the lining counter viii remember about
II. The one l bought it of was tall
ana slender, with dark eyes, and I
remember that she had on a red silk
waist trimmed with black velvet and
red and green plaid skirt. She will
remember that l purchased the lining
CHI
would be sent sure to-day. 1t has rot
come and Il would not make any par
ticular difference, only that my dress
maker is coming day after tomorrow
and she Will need the lining the first
thing, and cannot go to work without
IL, ana her engagements are such that
she cannot come to me any day but
DAY after tomorrow and the next day.
50 if the lining should not come IL
would put her back so that She could
not finish the dress, and I cannot get
her again for nearly a month. and
simply must have the dress by the last
OF next week, and | am too busy TO
come downtown tomorrow and get
the lining. The saleslady l spoke of
with the red silk waist waist will be
sure to remember about 1t, and told
her Just why and when wanted il and
she promised me that il would be sure
TO come. OF course it may come be-
fore you get this, and if so it will be
all right, but simply must have It be-
fore the dressmaker gets here. for she
Will want to so TO work on the skirt
the first thing and she cannot if she
does not have the lining. Please send
it right away.
p. S.-Five yards of percaline skirt
lining at SO cents a yard. bought of
saleslady in red silk waist and plaid
skirt, to be sent sure yesterday. and
has not come. Must have it to-mor-
row"
here, said Mrs. Watson. as she
folded the letter. "That will make II
all clear to them"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
BASHFUl.
""rni Legislator Gets In Remarks.
Even AZ UncnIIed For.


1 can't help saying to you," remark
"a one OF the old members OF a more
or less august legislative body to a
rural recruit, that some of the re-
marks you made yesterday were un-
called for, entirely uncalled for"
The other looked intently at his col
league and, removing his hat. mopped
his brow with a red handkerchief.
"Looky here. friend" he proceeded
after thinking for a quarter of min
ute, do you realize that am on the
minority side of this here house?"
Yes"
And that the place is chock full of
people who are full up TO the necks
with speeches they want to git de-
livered?"
There are many SUCH
IT'S occurred to you, mebbe. that
there is dimit to the time that a man
has in this life fur ioin' things"
That hasn't anything to do with
your remarks yesterday"
Yes, it has. You find fault with 'em
because they was uncalled fur. But l
want to tell you somethin,' Eff 1 had
started out in politics as a shrinkin'.
modest violet l wouldn't even have got
a nomination. An with all them peo-
pie, with both hands in the air, try
in to git word in edgewise, l can't
afford to take no chances know
them remarks was uncalled fur. but 1
leave it to you us a fair minded man.
If | held onto remarks till some of
you fellers got up and clamored for
EN-, what would my constituents think
had become Of ma"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

A well-known London theatrical
manager tells good story at the ex-
pense of a local theater whose Stand
ing Room Only" sign is no longer need
cd.
One night, after the curtain was rung
UP, n small boy was discovered sob
bling in front of the box office. The
manager of the theater went to the lad
and kindly asked him what the trouble
was.
Il want my money backi" sobbed
the boy.
In surprise the manager asked his
reason for such a request.
'Because-because I'm afraid to sit
up in the gallery all alonel" he walled.
His money was returned.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

During the last session Of Con
grcsS bright little boy,thc son of
a Nirinia member, rushed into his
fathers presence and cX lai med,
"Papa there is an old gray headed
manin yonder abusing Virein a. t
was Gen. Walker making speech
IN one of the contested election
cases.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
A VALUABLE EXPERIENCE.
Spanish bullets Had No Terrors Fo,
the Trolley Dodger.


The American had been arrested r.
CUBA as a spy, and had been condemn.
ed to be shot. At the hour fixed fol-
the execution he was taken to the
Campo Weylero and nine soldiers lev.
elled their muskets at him. He refus.
ed the offer of a handkerchief with
which to cover his eyes, and glanced
calmly, even smilingly, at the glitter
ing, death-dealing weapons.
"Fire!" shouted the SPANISH ser.
seant. The nine explosions were as
one, and as the smoke cleared away
the sergeant stepped forward. expect.
ing to see the prisoner riddled with
bullets But the American still stood
there, calm and smiling, and apparent.
ly unframed.
Your muskets were not loadedi'
cried the sergeant with a great oath
turning to his men. Il will have every
one OF you shot as traitors at sunrise
Tomorrow. | will"-
No, no; don't blame those fellows
interrupted the American. "They die
their duty all right. Nine bullets came
out OF those guns. l simply lodged
them
Dodged them," shouted the ser.
Seant angrily. do you dare to play
with me?"
NO, answered the American. coolly
am telling you the fact. Dodging
those bullets was dead easy. Why
man, / lived in Brooklyn, New York
Tor a couple of months before coming
here. and twice a day | lodged the
trolley cars at Death Loop. Your bull
lets aren't in ii with the Death Loon
Tiers"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

I'indigestion is often taken for consnmd
on; me word consumption means
wasting away, and diSpepti cs often waste
away as badly as conSumptiveS
The reason people waste away is be
cause either they don't get enough to eat
or they don't digest what they do eat.
III the latter is your trouble take Shaker
digestive Cordial. This will help Won
TO digest your food and stop your loss of
Iiesh. Shaker Digestive Cordial is made
from her BIS. barks amp the juices OF f,uits
oy the wellknown Shakers at Mount
Lebanon. 1t possesses great tonic and
digestive powers
Shaker Digestive Cordial has curcd
many supposed consumptives (who we're
really diSpeptics), by simply hcIding
herr Stomachs to digest their food. thus
living them nouriShmcnt and new
sIength. Sold by druggists. Trial bot.
ct 10 cents.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Popular Literary Girl.

For literary girl Miss Plum seems
very popular"
Yes. It's her method. She invites
young man TO the house to read over
her latest sonnet. When she comes to
a word like miss for instance. she
asks him if he can improve the rhyme.
If he has any brightness at all he will
suggest kiss and at the same time
illustrate it, II the word is tease he
Will suggest squeeze and Illustrate
that, Oh, it's no wonder she's a pop
ular poetess,"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Elections.

Strange az it may seem the Lord
must have something to do with
elections, and this makes it so ey.
ceedingly difficult to forecast tbe
results in any given CAMPAIGN.
In very many cases these results
come III the nature Of surprise.
IL has been so in the Ninth Djstrict
often, and over, and may he so
again aud again. 1t is not fine case
always that the favorite horse
wins IN race, for long winded
scrub may come in on the home
stretch aud ruin the bookmakers
ihese philosophical remarks we
level at.n9 particular class, but TO
SIMPLY yarn all our friends ex.
cept Deg ocrats, not to bet on the
pending race for Congress.
lt.looks we know that if an cleo.
ton could be bought in '96 if
should be bought in '9S, but there
are such things as "off-y years. and
sslnmps, aud "splitsu and ere.
VOLTS" so thaka fellow cant always.
generally sometimes tell what is
going to happcn. Aside from all
this,pcople grow tired of men who
never grow tiredpf soliciting ! heir
suffrage. Theybecome stale.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Millions Given Away.

1t Is certainly gratifying to the
public to know of one concern !,
the land who are not afraid to de
generous to tee needy aud SUITE. iry.
The pioprietors of DR.. Kings New
discovery Tor Consumption. Coughs
ana Code, have given away over
ten mliIlo" trial aottles IF this grec /
medicIne; and have the satisfaction
u showing 1t has absolutely cuIed
thousands of hopeless cases.
Athma, Bronchitis, Hoarsenass
ana all diseases of the Throat. Ches,
ana lungs are surly cured by if.
Cali on Jno. f. Jackson Drtgpis +
ana get trial bottle fee Regular
size Dec and 81. Ever b.t;l.
guaranteed, or price refunded
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Virginia Military Institute
LEXINGTON VIRC INA

The Board of Visitors at their ANNA l
meeting on the 20 tn day of next June will
appoint STATE CADETS to fill vacancies
IN the 3: Z, q. Is, 10, 20, %, %. 20 and RI th
Senatorial Districts, and two vacancies a +
iiarge; Inese appointments carry free
BOARD and tuition. Applications ShouId
yea pe aaaressed to the undersigned on or be
VII, lily Jn'ic ~ IN, proXimo, on forms tina
VIII be sent upon request.
SCOTT SHIP STPTs
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Ten to one that Walker dobt
tell that "Confeder1t,, General ~
cideut when hr '.,ectS Rhea al
Lebanon.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Walker had to be introduced at
POcahOntas by II Democrat. How
is that? Where were all the lead
ing Republicans of '9G! Are there
no more pOSt-oiliceS 10 be prom
iScdl
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

You are the only woman I ever
loved" said Adam.
And YOU" murmured Eve, ARE the
first man that ever kissed me-"
Then Satan smiled and said unto
himself; That is equal to burnt-cork
repartee, and posterity shall perpetu.
ate it," And it was even so.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

From the way our friend Gen.
u alker mixes his metaphors, and
tangleS NJ his names and dates II
really looks rs if the old warhorSe
should be ''taSen Oft the track and
p . on the farm"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

This said the Kansas editor look
Ing over the top OF his spectacIes .Ic
the most inviting manuscript I have
received for long time"
What is it?" asked the foreman.
A poem, beginning, Come. drink
with mel"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

we learn with dismay that .
large number of extras Of the
Tazewell Republican have been or.
dered for the pending canvass.
That blasts our last hope Ne
give it up.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Gen. Walker seems to he in the
importing business in distributmc
Offices. lie imported a PM. rrcm
Baptist Valley for HichlandS: one
from AhbS Valley for PocahontaS:
one from Tazewell County for
Grundy; and Deputy Marshal
from Tazewcll County for Buehan
an County. He must expect by
tins To import his votes in Nov.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

1T appears from the "argumrn''
thai the people listened 10 lass
week that he -auSe Cleveland wa
once a Democrat, Gen. s. alkcr
should b. elected TO Congress.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Royal EeVepna

Has another American paper pub
ished caricature of our royal per-
SOM inquired the Kaiser.
Yes, Your Majesty" replied the dig
nified lackey.
lis we'll" replied His Majesty
we VIII exclude the American baked
bean" ~
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Rival Cemeteries.

In Nowhereville, in Limbo Place.
Mid lurid reeking murk,
Two aged jokes met face to face.
Who died from overwork.
Where rest thy bones. since thou hast
died?"
Each asked him OF his brother.
In the Almanac" the one replied.
Farce comedy" the other.
indianapolis Journal
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
Lost OPportunitIea.

Hungry Higgins-Wen. well, Horo
Is a story bout Teller gittin' $500 fer
dog bite
weary Watkins-You don't say? .Ist
think of the forching we otto have Of
that ratel
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
BETTER Than NOTHING.

Lord Notacent-I cannot tell Won
now much / love you.
Ethel Giltedge-Oh, make a rough
guess at it then. How much do Won
think I'm worth.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Gen. Walker traced all the evils
OF the Country back TO Gle, Glands
Administration, and said that the
Nation woIld have been wrecked
bat for the beneficial legislation
perfected previously by the Re
pnblicanS. The worst thing Clcvc-
land ever did was to turn his back
ON his party, and Walker is the last
who ough& s.ise bin.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Gen. Walker offered 10 meet
Judge Rhea in joint debate at
Iazewcll. but the Judge had an
appointment clSewheac and did
not make his appearance
IN Taz"well.-Tazewell Republican.
The above is not in accord with
the facts as we understand them.
Will the discoverer of the above
please furnish the PROOF
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Young Letters Splurgc in wheat
has done lots Of good to the Kan.
Sas farmers and his collapse great
as IT was, wasn't patching TO
the tumble that wheat took. after
his money gave ont You can get
TWO bushels of wheat now for one
of "SIIvcr Jim'S' fifty cent dollars.
II was astonishing to see the "har
nonyn that existed between the
Republican candidate for Congress
aad old Pleas Young at Graham
the other day. If Pleas had been
eco achcd" for week lac couldn't
4rrifeaa5nn WaIe his responses better
been IN tina COUNTLESS expecting some
no orders nuts 10 Ea'l carly in Nov
q have eN->n
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Walkers method of Sdeaking re-
minds us of the cannon and the
mule. The little cannon was tied
on the mule and the mule backed
up IN range Of the enemy, when
the halter broke and the mule
began turning around in all direc
tionS. When the officers in CHARGE
IA few minutes later rushed into
headquarters, he explained that
there was no telling in "what Iii.
Tection that gun was going 10
Shoot
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
FRIDAY AUGUST 2G, 1898
Russell County Republicans.

AS the time again draws near 10
stand up and be counted the Re
publicans of Russell County nat
urally cast about to locate their
proper sphere in the political cam,
paign. Scarce a year ago, If Or
memory serves us right,a cOnvcn
ton was held at Cedar Bluff: a
Russell Republican declared the
leader of the party, and a Rcpub-
lican majority of 600 was promised
by Tazewell SOlOns in Republican
politics and other signs and
tokens interchanged which we
need not mention here. The prom
ised majority in this County finally
turned up n Democratic victory.
Russell was not only dead but
buried, and over her corpse Taze.
. well Republicans wrangled, con.
nived, schemed and bartered away
the Federal patronage, in the
eyes and under the nose of the
Russellites themselves. They dis
tributed the post Offices in poor old
Russell, opposed Deputy MarshalS.
gaugers &c. because not of Russell
County, and otherwise, in ways
remem bered by our friends across
the line meddlcd in and controlled
the affairs OF our sister County.
All enquiry 10y Russell Radicals
developed the fact that no one
but n Tazewell republican is in it,.
The Republican party in 20.
well breeds bigotry, and domF se An
politics where strong enough IT, has
so. 1t boycOts every RcpuF S' tax
who, on Bonded knees doe PES '
swear it has the secret of TIN conn
road to heaven. Its greed is coloS
sal, and its appetite seems only
satisfied with all. When not run
ming it self or its candidate no one
else need apply. 1t has again
spread its candidate before the
eyes of the people has pushed
forward its alter ego-itS strong
man from out Of Wythe, who is a
large man at home, and somewhat
on the Giant build, but in Was h
ington the side walks neither
shake when lie walks, nor other
movements of the earth or heavens
perceptible at his stride. He is
simply a unit in a majority. His
advice is not sought; his voice
heard only when ne is placed up.
on an Election Committee where
he may denounce the people of his
state his relatives and his friends
Tazewell Republicans now come
forward, and admonish the Russell
Republicans to grid up their loins
and make square fight for their
tale and pie bearer.
Well, we have never lived
among the Republicans of Russell.
but VIC will wager an oil can to the
Generals Chances" that no such.
humbuggery can be aoasn pesseIed
down the throat of any Russell
Republican.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

Planters G y BAN OIL c,.tes
S'~ Cuts, Burns, BrniS. s. Rlca.
matism and Sores Price. 25 cen,s
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

j. =. ALEXANDER
Has the ONLY Complete AS
sortment of
Fine Handkerchief Triple
Extracts and Toilet Prepa-
rations =
to be found in the county.
These are strictly reliable
high grade goods----Perfumes,
Toilet Waters, Colognes, Sachet
Powders, Powders for Complexion,
Toilet, Nursery and Teeth. Liquid
Washes for the Teeth and Tones
Tor the Hair, Curling Fluids sc.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26
CLINCH VALLEY NEWS.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION:
Tin Advance

BY mail, postage paid, one year Sl.Oo
By mail, postage paid. six month";. 30
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-08-26

The Republican party in lr'-.e-
well breeds bigotry, and DOM rye Anne
politics where strong enough 'e' has |
so. 1t boycOts every Repu vs. 'akn
who, on Bonded knees dod res. W.
swear it has the secret of thl s compa
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-06-29
COUNCIL WILL FILL VACANCIES.
Ex-AIderman Thomas VIII Probably
BE Elected To-day.

Two aldermen viii likely be elected by
the City Council this afternoon to fill the
existing vacancies caused by the recent
designations. 1t is not known who they
will be, other than that Mr.. D. r. Thomas
viii be nominated with favorable chances
of election.
AT the last meeting the aldermen could
not agree on who should be elected. AS a
result the matter went over to another
meeting. Objection was made to the cleo
ton of Mr.. Thomas because he was con-
nected with the Brush Electric Light Com
pany, while there is already an alderman
connected with that company. Notwith-
standing the fact that eX-Alderman Ham
ilton, who recently resigned was also with
the company, the matter was freely dis
cussed by members Of Council, some of
whom came TO the conclusion that it was
not good policy to favor a company upon
whom the city depends for it's lights, with
too much representation in Council. There
is still talk along this line, but it will not
probably be brought out again as an issue.
Il shall again nominate Mr.. Thomas at
the meeting tomorrow afternoon" said
Alderman Guckenheimer, land feel con-
fident he will be elected with little, if any,
opposition. The fact he is connected with
the electric company is no reason for not
electiug him, as this would in no way in
terfere with the faithful discharge of his
public duties. His former experience as a
member of Council at once qualify him for
the oiIice. and l believe the city is FORUM
ate In even securing his consent to serve"
Alderman Davis, who opposed the cleo
ton of Mr.. Thomas at the last meeting,
was asked If he would nominate any one
for the vacancies but declined to say He
has not stated what stand he intends
to take as to the election of Mr.. Thomas,
as he is perfectly reticent on the subject.
Another matter before the meeting win
be Alderman Smiths resolution to change
the sessions of Council from the after
noon, TO $50 O'Clock at night This rule
providing for afternoon meetings was made
during the McDonough administration to
accommodate several aldermen who lived
at Tybee and other suburban resorts
through the heated season. The sentiment
in regard to the change is not known, but
as there are few of the board who now
speud their nights away from the city,
the change would appear TO be a matter
of Indifference TO many.