The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1898-05-28
= sea JOHNSON,
Alkali Ike's Story About Man Who Mad
Money ONT nj HIa Mtagorfo,.

AiRali lkes story About Man Who Made
Money Out Of His Misfortune.
Which reminds me-" began Alkali
Ike In reminiscent way. in response
to the remark of the high-browed tour
list that riches are often attained In
strange ways "of the case of Sog John
son, who eloped from our midst some
years ago on the top side of splintery
rail, an tharby acquired fortune.
This yere Johnson, although I'm
ably assistin' in maxim plutocrat Of
him, is gent that | don't have no
speshul acquaintance with prior to the
events leadin up to his departure. 1
disrecall when he makes his debut in
the settlement; the first remember of
bein' aware Of him is soon after he
announces that he is sick. | forgit
what particular brand of malady he
lays claim to, but anyhow he gives it
out that he's afflicted heap an takes
to his bed at the beginnin' of cold
weather an lays thar all Winter, re-
ceivin' the pityin' attention an spoon
vittles of the sympathetic citizens
plumb till Spring. In short, we treats
him as well as II he had murdered
four wives.
I'VE never suspects him, an likely
he'd a-been thar yet an us still pa
tiently waitin' on him, If 1t hadn't been
that finally doctor shows up in the
settlement, an we drags him over to
regards him critical, an comes away
an informs lis that thar hain't nuthin'
the matter with him but low-down dog
laziness.
"Accordin', we drug him out of bed,
inserted him into his clothes, an fired
him forth. Next mornin' he camo
back, earn an unruffled. We run him
out agin. Next day he was back with
a scheme to marry a middlin' wealthy
widow an be self-supportin' by Twin
on her money. He was fired agin, an
once more he came back.
I'VE might not be warranted in
lynchin him for lynn abed all Winter,
but we could punish him for comm
back when he had been run out. Ac-
cordin', we furnished him with an
overcoat of tar, trimmed with hen
feathers, and buttoned on with a
broom. We done the job we'll, made
regular function Of it, in fact; placed
him in an appropriate attitude on a
saw-edged rail, packed him about
mile opt Of the settlement an set him
to runnin' in a northeasterly direc-
ton.
I'VE estimated that we'd seen the
last of him when his ultimate tail
feather fluttered out Of sight over the
top of the slope, but next day it was re-
ported that he had been considerably
shot by ntar-sighted sportsman from
the East, who had mistaken him for
cassowary.
II haint KNOWN nuthin' more Of
Sog Johnson till about six months later,
when me an Lop-eared Watkins sorter
drops into dime museum up in Kan
sas City, an sees him perched up on
a roost with sign over him describin'
him as The Human Shantycleer, HALF
Gent an Half Shanghai We don't
know him, an jest stands an gazes at
the repulsive sight, plenty interested.
He is feathered out in good shape, an
has on tin bill painted up mighty
artistic an lifelike.
when the crowd thins out he hops
down from his perch, pulls off his bill
an tells us how it happened. 1t seemed
that about a week after he left the
settlement for good an had run till he
dropped, he was picked up by gent,
who, recognizin' his possibilities, pour
ed oil an wine down his neck, an made
n plot with him.
"He had been travellin' around from |
city to city ever since, exhibitin' him
self, under the management Of his cap
tor, an jest nacherly rollin' in wealth.
His manager also acted as his shappy-
roam, as you call it in the East, an
tar-an' -feathered him agin whenever
be needed it, an otherwise looked after
his interests.
me an Lop-eared came away direct
Iy, an l hain't never seen feather Of
Sog Johnson since, but reckon likely
he is still goin' up an down the earth
maxim money out of his calamity"