The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-03-02
4UMoR OF THE DAY.

'Why, Teddy, dear, what is the
matter? Don't you like asparagus2"
Eyes, Mrs. Birchum, but the handles
are so hot"---Trained Motherhood.
Hattie "Maude doesn't show her
age at all, does she?" Ella-''No, but
you can see where she scratched it out
of the family Bible. Chicago News.
She-"Don't you think it is dam
gerous to eat mushrooms?" He
"Not bit Of danger in it. The dan
ger is in eating toadstools. "--Ohicago
News.
'Did you read about that mince pie
ten feet in diameter, Mrs. Jones?"
eyes; but J. presume my husbands
mother has made bigger ones. Chi.
cago Record.
Frances (aged six, who loves her
kitty)-"Are you happy, mammal"
Mamma-''Yes, dear. Why2" Fran
ces Qistening)-'T don't hear you
purrl Harper's Bazaar.
Edith-"She sings like canary"
Bertha-"Oh, no; canary begins to
sing when people commence to talk;
people commence to talk when she be.
gins to sing. Boston Transcript.
$50 old Blackstone, the lawyer. OBJ
iected to your calling on his daughter
last night, did he?" Eyes; but fixed
it all right. Asked for a stay, and it
was granted. ."-Cincinnati CONNER
cial.
She-"The Bicyle Gazette offers q
prize for the best article on any sub
ject connected with the wheel" He
"Why not send in an essay on How
TO Mend Wheel with Hairpin? ?'-
Puck.
81 have had to- quit playing chess
with Tompkins, "Why?" "Well,
he gets mad if 1 get interested and
beat him; and he gets mad if / get
sleepy and let him beat me. Chicago
Record.
Charlottesville grandfather in the
ould country had more money than he
could count" Donahoo-"Oi have
heard, bedad, thot the old man could
not count more thin tin. Indiana
polls Journal.
"What do you mean," asked the
city editor, ''by comparing the air to
frozen quinine?" 81 meant to say"
said the new reporter with proud hui
mility, "that it was bitter cold. "-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Hungry Higgins-"What do you
think of this here football, anyway"
Weary Watkins There is something
in it called a rush line, amt they?"
''Yaas." "Well, that amt my line.
Indianapolis Journal.
81 asked the young woman in front
of me to remove her big hat so l could
see the stage" "Did she do it?"
"No; she said if she held her hat in
her lap she couldn't see the stage her.
self. Chicago Record.
bridget, did you bring up that jar
of blackberries 1 asked you to
bring?" 81 did, mem?" You are
sure they are blackberries, are you?"
eyes, mem; but had to open dozen
ja-ars befure found them. Chicago
Tribune.
''I suppose l can have your vote for
$780," said the promoter. 'Not
much, " replied the legislator. my
price is $1,000" "But last Monday
you offered it to me for $780," "Oh,
we'll, that was bargain day. Chicago
Evening Post.
81 doesn' reckon dat yoh's gwI nter
get you all's pay fun dat ar concern,
said the colored porter. "Why rOt?"
asked the collector. "They have some
assets" Eyes, sur; dey has some.
But dey ism equal to dah unreliabili'
ties. ~ Washington Star.
The early bird gets caught by the
milliner. Nature begins fools, and
women finish them. Home is that
dear place where we are not afraid to
break crackers into our oyster soup.
Talking is like riding a wheel; a man
may know when TO stop, but may not
know how to stop. p.--Chicago Record.