Evening star., 1898-07-16
FOOL KILLER IN DEMAND

I've been spending few days and dol
lars at the seashore." said the man with
the peeled nose in the lunch room. "I
Ionged for the appearance of a large,
husky and ferocious fool-killer on several
occasions while was down there. I think
all OF the funny young men go to the sea-
shore for seven or eight-dollar whirl
every summer. This is a great thing for
the communities in which the funny young
men pass the remainder Of the year, but
IT a bad job for the seashore folks
The first one of 'em met up with got
into our party somehow or another in the
sailboat grabbing expedition. He was one
OF the supernumerary summer boys of
one OF the girls in our gang, believe and
that how he happened to be along with
u.s. This Reube of the city couldn't find
halT enough fun to suit him In the mere
game of netting crabs. He had to do some
tnlnS with the crabs after he got EN- in
order to get his moneys worth So he
picked out the nervous, skeery young wo-
men In the boats company and put the
big, adult crabs on their low shoes, or on
the nounces Of their dresses, or wrap
ped EN- in the girls 'shawls and fascina-
tors. He did this surreptitiously, of course,
1or the huge joy he derived in seeing the
girls jump and screech when the crabs
made their intimate presence known by
means Of their pinching appliances. The
girls didn't like this game little bit as
40 hfaS De SUPPOSED, ana they registered
Kicks over 1t that would have impressed
man with the sense of q pollywog. The gay
Kept right on tacking the crabs on to the
girls raiment, until two or three of the
men gave the idiot the glitter look out of
the tall Of the eye, and quietly said, Just
cut that out from now on Then he SUBJ
slded, sulky, and threw suppressed gloom
| over the outfit during the remainder of the
boating trip.
Il ran across the girl-ducker half a doz-
en- times every day. The girl-ducker be-
longs to the asinine type of metropolitan
leke who wears a large, contented smile
even when he sleeps. He shoves a girls
mead under the water and holds 1t there
until she has absorbed a couple of gallons
OF salt water, and he just howis with mer-
rlment. He lets the girl bob her head out
or the water long enough for her to let
t Uut snr1ek or two of genuine distress
Ihen he ducks her again. If man would
90 poodle dog of mine that way I'd lay
MIN up. Yet there are thousands of yaps
that go to the seashore every year. who
think it's just deliriously funny to abuse
women in this way. No girl thinks it's
funny. How the deuce could a girl think
II 1unny! But the girls resign themselves
10 the ducking game their intuition telling
| then' probably. that the QUICKER Will be
mere as long as the world goes round If
the ducked young woman, after releasing
herself from the clutches of the fool
QUICKER, were to make for her bath room.
put on her clothes and then, when she
met the QUICKER again, tell him fatty that
sne considered him loafer and a feather
wit. and that she purposed henceforth to
cut nm dead whenever she met him. per-
haps the tribe of duekers would get next'
to themselves after awhile.
1T was my good fortune to see one of
the boat-rockers La Rourgogned That is
to say, he was chucked overheard banged
with an oar and made to swim for it. And
IL was dead right, too. / can't remem-
Der ever having enjoyed anything more l
saw 1t from the beach. The boat-rocker
was one of a party of six three Young
men and three young women. and they
were returning from a row in the inlet
Two or the young men were rowing and
M lie poat-rocker was doing the heavy sit
llns around and cavorting before the girls
when the skif was about two hundred
yards from the beach l noticed the boat
rocking Jay get up suddenly from his seat
IN the stern Sheets give whoop or two
ana begin to sway the boat from side to
side The two young fellows at the oars
apparently eXDestulated with MIN, but he
tntl;i paiu no attention to them. but went on
Trying 10 throw the scare into the girls
ana succeeding at it, too, judging from
their screams. One of the rowers got I'D
deliberately, stepped lightly aft to the
poat-rocker and knocked him clean ont
OF the boat Then he resumed his seat
picked up his oar, gave the boat-rocker
husky poke with it. and the boat ran
INTO the beach. The boat-rocker swan in
a doleful sight, and wearing a very Tn
abused expression Say, 1 took two more
urlnks than We're coming to me- the Thing
tickled me SO much.
s-O" oh' smart ALEXANDER SWIM
iiler saw dozen times day. He'd get
way beyond the breaker line and the life
ropes, and then stick his toes out and
lioat. Then he'd let howl of distress out
ana make out he was going down. The
HE guards would put after him and he
would then bob up with his fingers at his
nose. These are the ducks that get sent
nome to their people in pine boxes every
summer 1t gave me unspeakable pleasure
to see two or three of them actually taken
out In a drowning condition by the coast
guards, and the thirty-cent look they wore
Wnen they were brought around was surely
q caution.
There is an opening for a regiment of
genuine fee-f-fo-fum fool-kilIers at the
seashore, all right, but nobody's optiDistic
enough TO suppose that they'll ever turn
up."