Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-02-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Puck.
s'Pounder has had to go out of the
band" "What was the trouble?"
"He has got too fat to balance the
bass-drum. Chicago Record.
Yeast-'I've just invested in one of
those salt-and-pepper suits" Grim
sonbeak-"Well. that sounds as if it
would be good for at least two sea-
sons"
"They have discovered lake up in
Alaska that is teeming with fish"
"Eh? L thought they did all their
teaming with dogs. "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
He-'T suppose if your father found
me here he would kick me out of the
door?" She-"Oh, I don't know;
papa's punting is wretched. Detroit
Journal.
Hall-"What are you doing now?"
Gall-"Oh, I'm making house-to-
house canvass to ascertain why people
don't want to buy new patent clothes
wringer. Chicago News.
"The horse has another point Of
superiority over the wheel" "What
is it?" "When a horse is getting ready
to shy at anything, you can tell it by
his ears. Chicago Record.
Hungry Higgins-"As fur eight
hours being enough fer days work
-" Weary Watkins-"It amt.
Any man who'll do days work orter
git six months. - Indianapolis
journal.
Darling" he cried, "I can not live
without you" But" she replied,
''my father is bankrupt" 'In that
case," he despondently replied, "I
guess I'll go and shoot myself, Chi
cago News.
Teacher -"Don't any of you know
how to find mountains on the map?
Now, look at this map of Alaska.
What is that row or chain of dark,
round spots?" Glass lin chorus)-
"Nuggetsp-Puck. go
"Boswell," said DR.. Johnson, meet
ing the biographer on the street, 81
have been reading your manuscripts.
There is great deal about yourself in
them. They seem to me to be You
moirs rather than Memoirs. Puck.
She-'But surely you believe that
the sins of the father are visited on the
children?" He-"Rather. My gov
ernor promised to let me have a fver
this morning; but he lost it at poker
last night, so I didn't get it!''-Punch.
Miss Youngly-"So you've only
known him month? Don't you think
you're taking a great many chances in
marrying him?" Miss Oldwai e (can-
didly)-"Dear me, no. It's the only
chance I've had in ten years. Judge.
''I'm afraid" said the candidate
gloomily, "the other side has me
beaten, and they know it." "Why do
you think SOP" asked his friend.
"Well, there are very few campaign
lies being circulated about me. -
Puck.
She-"If you could have one wish,
what would it be?" He-"It would
be that-that-oh it I only dared to
tell you what it would bel" She
"Well, go,on Why do you suppose I
brought up the wishing subject?"--
Chicago News.
Suburbs-"I guess we'd better give
up keeping chickens. We don't seem
to have any luck" Mrs. Suburbs
"How can you expect to have any luck,
my dear? When you set hen you
invariably put thirteen eggs under
her. Judge.
"Seems to me it costs you q good
deal to study" said the father, as he
handed his son money to buy books
with. ''I know it, replied this youth.
pocketing gratefully ten-dollar-bill,
''and I don't study very hard either"
Harvard Lampoon.
Miss Quickstep-"What part of town
are we driving through, Mr.. Fibble?"
Fweddy-"I haven't the least idea."
Miss Quickstep-"T was aware OF that.
Still, I thought it possible you might
know what part of town we are driving
through. Chicago Tribune.
He-"They say that George Hartley
has been talking good deal behind
your back lately" She-"I'd like to
know what he's been saying" He
ooh, you know we'll enough. It was
all done on his tandem" Then she
drew long sigh Of relief.-Cleveland
Leader.
Miss Ancient Wantiman (suddenly
awakening)-"I see you have my
pocket-book; but there's very little
money in that compared with what I
have in bank" Burglar (grufly)-
"Well, there amt no way to git thatl"
Miss Ancient Wantiman-"H'ml Are
you single man?"-PucG.
"Borus, in your last novel you spoil
the story by raising an insurmountable
barrier between the hero and heroine,
whe certainly ought to have married
each other" IT couldn't help it
Naggus. Ny wife insisted that l was
the hero of the story myself, and she
got jealous of the heroine. Chicago