The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1898-07-16

oNtAf
Life.
Henpeck-I have troubles of my own.
Mrs. Henpeck-But you are the partner
of my woes. Henpeck-Nes, SILENT as
In everything else.-Cincinnati Times
Star.
THE doctor would like TO see you In
side" said the maid to the caller III me
reception room. Not much' SAID Inc
startled patient; The can't Try any y
raw OH me."-Yonkers Statesman.
Nodd-My wife told me II | wanted
peace with her. | would have to resign
from my club. Todd-And you are
getting along all right now? Nodd-
Oh, yes. I'm lying al the cino.-EX'
Il hear that The cvowd assailed you
when you appeared at the PlunkVllle
Opera House." False. me boy, false.
replied the eminent tragedian, Mr..
Barnes former: AL false. There was
no erowd.s-Indi" POLLS Journal.
"Did you heal of the accident which
befell your b%rother?' accident? No,
Not serious, | hopeY' We'll. rather.
An idea struck him. and now the entire
upper part Of his head is paralyzed."-
New York Herald.
Mr.. Isaacs-I sells You dot coat at a
grad sacrifice. CustOmer-But you say
that of all your goods. How do you
make a livingg Mr.. lsaacs-Meln frient.
| makes a small profit on de paper and
pfpfnU NaV, Xarls NanElV
what intensely red hair that young
man has, exclaimed Maud; I'm sur
prised that you seem TO like him so
WELL oh" replied Mamie, Il don't
like him very well. | never invite him
to anything put pink teas."-Washing-
ton Star.
Gargoyle (back in town after a years
absence)-When | went away, Jones
aud Brown were rival suitors for Miss
Twltter's hand. Which proved to be
the lucky man? Glanders-Can't tell
that yet. She married Brown only a
month ago. Ask me again in about a
year.-Life.
Flick-Call him a musician, Why. he
doesn't know the difference between a
nocturne and n symphony. Flack-
You don't mean IL? And they hurry TO
get away from one another. Each is
terribly afraid that the other will ask:
by the way, what is the d~ifference:'-
Boston Transcript.
mo, ma'am said Meanderlng Nike,
I'm sorry, but it's ag'in my principles.
l can't split no wood" Well She an
swered. there will be a load of coal
here this afternoon. and I'm sor-
ry ag'in; but | can't carry no coal. But
I'll tell you what | Will DOLL cOmpro-
mise. Eff you've got "A gas-stove. I'll
turn on the gas. "-Washington Star.
Here. you've been telling me all
along" said the bright-faced young
wife, "what a wonderful cook your
mother was; and now your Aunt Jane
has just told me that your father was
a chronic ~dyspeptic." well. you see"
the young husband murmured, with a
deep sigh. mother learned by practic-
Ing on MISUNDERSTANDING Plain Deal
er.
THAT young mar of yours" said the
observing parent, as his daughter came
down to breakfast. should apply for
a job in n dime museum" why. faith
err" exclaimed the young lady. in tones
of Indignation. what do you meant
II noticed, when | passed through the
hall late last night" answered the old
man, that he had two heads upon his
shoulders. Chicago News.
Foster-So her father refused to ron
sent to your marriage with his daugh-
ter? ~Biglin-No, that's JUST the deuce
of 1t. He gave me no answer when |
told him what had called for. and told
me If l didn't leave in less than two
seconds, he'd kick me ont. What's to be
done with a fellow who will wander
off in that way from the subject of dis
cussion?-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Greene-My husband is such a
thoughtful man. He always goes
down into the basement kitchen TO
smoke. Mrs. Gray-And lets the smoke
come upstairs into the dining-room
through the dumb waiter. Mrs. Greene
Yes. but that's because he is absent
minded, poor man. That has nothing
To do with his thoughtfulness, you
know.-Boston Transcript.
Attorney-You say you had called TO
see Miss Billings and was al the house
at the time the burglary was commit
ted? Wiiness-Yes, sir. Attorney
Then how did 1t happen that when the
prisoner dashed into the room and as
saulted you. you leaped through the
window and wen home. making no at
tempt TO defend the lady or give the
alarm? Witness-I thought It was her
father.-Life.
MY friend" said the kindly old gen
tleman who likes TO make acquaint-
ances while travelling. you should fol-
low my example. | strive To learn
something new every day" No" was
the answer of the quiet young man:
that may do in your line of business:
but II you were doing IA vaudeville turn
with me, you'd realize that audiences
seem disappointed II they don't get
what they have been taught To expect
Washington Star.
Mrs. Fadde faith curlstlEHow is
your grandfather this morning. Bird
get? Bridget-He still has the rheu
MATES mighty bad. mum. Mrs. Fadde
You mean he thinks he has the rheu
matism. There is no such thing NJ
rheumatism. Bridget-Yes, mum. 4
few days later: Mrs. Fadde-And doei
your grandfather still persist in his lie
lusion that he has the rheumatism