The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1898-01-12
Just for Fun.

NN'oi ~" VIZ Piob chickens. voice
from the audience-That's good; it has
been pretty thu 30 far.
Funeral director TO gentlemau)-
Are you one of the mourners? Gentle
man-Yes; he owed me $500.
Do you think a man has a right to
open his wife's letters? Well, he may
have the right; but don't.see how he
could have the courage.
Bobby (admiring the India-ink tat
tooing on Dickey's arm)-" Did it hurt
much2" Dckey-" Not till my mother
saw it."-Boston Transcript.
Guest Gin cheap restaurant)-Here,
waiter; this meal is simply vile. l
won't pay for it. Where is the pro-
prietor? Wsiter-He's out at lunch, sir.
What is business capacity, Uncle
Bill? Business capacity is having sense
enough to go to the back door when
people won't answer ring at the front
door.
You should have heard Smith crack
ing up his wife's biscuits this morning."
81 believe did hear him. thought
at the time he was chopping wood."-
Truth.
Hell told your father we expected
to be married next month and he was
wild. She-What did be say. He-He
wanted TO know why we couldn't make
it next week.
You'd better not go boat riding with
sister, said Tommy Jones to his sisters
beau. Why not, Tommy? Cause 1
heard her say she intended to throw
you overheard soon.
1t was rather expensive ocean trip
that Splasher took. What happened?
A frightful storm came up and the cap.
tain threw Splasher's oil paintings over
board to calm the waves.
What's going on in your house this
morning, Tommy? Oh, its just Berthe.
When he was playing in the pantry he
knocked the molasses jug off the shelf
and the nurse is combing his hair.
Private Moriarty Ohe raw recruiD-
"Halt, will yez? Who goes there?" Cap
tain Bighead Gndignantly)-" Fool!"
Private Moriarty (unabashed) Ad-
vance, fool, an give tn countersign."-
Judge.
81 see party of missionaries has
started for Klondike." "Yes. / sup.
pose they intend to operate on the peo-
pie who are homeward )und with tales
of their rich finds. "-Philadelphi North
America.
Tommy-Did the fowl hurt you, Mr..
Squires? Mr.. Squires - What d'you
mean, my dear-what fowl? Tommy
Well, wanted to know if it hurt, 'eause
mummy said you had been henpecked
for twenty years.
A point of difference-Well, see
that Messrs. Mckinley and Laurier
are likely to come to an understanding
over the seal question. Yes, that's
where Messrs. Mckinley and Laurier
differ from me and my wife,
"Do you consider Meeker self
made man?" "No; l think he was
made to order" "Wby SOP" "Well,
judging from the way his wife orders
him around he must have been made
for that purpose. "-Chicago News.
City Msn-This must be very
healthy place, judging from the number
Of old people have seen here. Ma
tive-Healthy? It's 80 blamed healthy
that guess good many of 'em will
have to be shot on the judgment day.
don't see why it should be deemed
a. disgrace, the youthful bachelor re-
marked in the course of the converse
ton, for woman TO ask man 10
marry her. 1t isn't a disgrace, replied
the elderly maiden. Idiocy is mis-
fortune.
Waller-What is the reason Johnny
isn't wearing his Little Defender "
badge any more? Mrs. Wallace-He
doesn't seem to be 30 fond of minister
ing to dumb animals since he held
poor, little, half-frozen bee in his b and
to get it warm.
No, said the gentleman in the bald
wig, amt much of a base singer, but
you ought to hear my brother. Was
he much? asked the gentleman With
the pea-green whiskers. MuchP His
voice was so heavy it made him bow
legged to carry il.
Baldwin - Times getting better2
Well. they may be for some folks, but
/ can't see it that way. Dallon-Why?
Baldwin, was fool enough to 60 and
get engaged to be married to three girls
and they're all getting their wedding
clothes made now.
Pm plain, everyday business man,
said Merritt, and am nothing il not
practical. Miss Wisely, will you be my
wife? l admire your frsnkness, Mr..
Merritt, replied the fair object of his
affections, because am inclined to be
rather matter of fact myself. How
much are you worth?