Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-07-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Some men are alive simply because
it is against the law to kill them
Atchison Globe.
A dangerous counterfeit two-dollar
certificate is afoat. Spend every two
dollar bill the minute you get it,
West Union Gazette.
She-"Why don't you talk more
when we're out together?" He-'Im
too polite to interrupt you, my DEAR"
Detroit Free Press.
Charley-"Why are you gazing so
intently at Miss Ancient Golddust?"
Jack--"I'm trying to make up my
mind between her and Klondike. -
Judge.
Sunday y-school Teacher-"Wh Is it
that sees everything we do and ihears
everything we say?" Tommy Slimp-
kins-'Our hired girl. "-Norristown
Herald.
"The streets are overrun with bi.
cycles" "Well, that would be all
right if the people on the streets were
not run over with them. ''-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Lord st. Agnant-'T say, old man,
deuced queer people in this country"
Lord Nozoo-"Yes; neveh let v know
when they're going to tell joke, y
know. Puck.
Tom -"You say you have got money
enough to get married and live COM
fortably?" Jack--"No; I said I had
got money enough to get married or
live comfortably. Puck.
Algy (fervently)-"I love her,
Clarence, although I am well aware
that she has got past" Clarence
"But are you well aware that she has
got a-past fofty?"-Judge.
Doctor-"We it's ten to one YOU
won't see me Tomorrow" Patient
"Whatl Any d-danger. doctor?" Doc
tor-"Oh, no. Those are merely my
office hours. '-Harper's Bazaar.
Why pay dollar to fortune teller
to learn the future when the experi-
ence of others shows that you will have
little Joy, great deal of trouble, and
die old and poor?-Atchison Globe.
Old Lady-''Didn't tell you never
to come here again?" Tramp--'sI
hope you will pardon me, madam, but
it's the fault of my secretary. He has
neglected to strike your name from
my visiting list. Tit Bits.
Digs Blank, the banker, dice
this morning" Biggs-''That so?
OF whom did he die?" Diggs-"You
mean of what did he die,' 1 sup
pose?" Biggs mo; who was his
physician?"-Chicago News.
Mother-''Pm afraid Mr.. Crisscross
is not serious in his intentions"
Daughter-"He is awfully bashful,
you know; but he is Offering himself
piecemeal. Last night, he wanted
me to take his arm. "-Tit-Bits.
Sunday-school Teacher-"J Johnny,
what does it mean where it tells us to
honor our father and mother that our
days may be long, etc. ?" Johnny
"It means we must get up when they
call US in the morning. Puck.
'No, Herbert, am sorry, but am
sure We could not be happy together.
You know 1 always want my own way
in everything" But, my dear girl,
you could go on wanting it after we
were married. Boston Globe.
"Pessimism," said the Sage, ''is but
matter of temperament. One pessi-
mist [ knew was always saddest on
payday, because he realized that there
would be nothing more coming to him
for q week. "--Cincinnati Enquirer.
Bobby-"Don't you know that folks
can't get married after they are dead,
Mr.. Littlepate?" Mr.. Littlepate-
"Why, of course I do" Bobby
"Then what are you dying to get tmar-
ried for, as Sister Jane says you area"
Judge.
'AIaria, it does seem to me that
S26.75 is tremendous price to pay
Tor hat to wear just one Sunday"
John, man who can't tell hat from
o bonnet is no judge Of what suitable
price is. Your ignorance mortifes
me. Chicago Tribune.
"This coffee, my DEAR" said Kick
les, 'reminds me of what mother used
to make" "Does it really?" ex.
claimed his wife, pleased look com.
ing into her face. eyes; and she used
to make about the worst coffee 1 ever
drank. Boston Traveller.
'tSquibbs is a great editor, ISM
hep" 81 should say SO; he is so ac-
customed to speak and think of him
self as we that, when he wanted to
ride home from the Office tie other
day, he absent-mindedly sent the
printers devil after his tandem. -
Bicycling World.