The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1898-06-26
CRANK WAR SCHEMES.
Many Erratic Patriots Willing to
Save the Country.


In the name of God, amen, dedi
cate this idea to the United States
This is the solemn beginning of a let
ter received in the navy department
the other day. Inasmuch as the write
went on to outline a totally impossible
scheme for eXterminating the Spanish
foe the language seems a trife sacre
llglous. Nevertheless, the letter wa.
carefully laid away in the department
files. IN company with thousands O.
others.
For every man who is willing to carry
musket in Uncle Sans service there
is another who prefers to save the
country by planning some novel wal
scheme warranted to bring confusion
on the hosts OF SPAIN Most of these
plans are of the sort that would brins
JOY to the heart of the writer who de-
scribes invasions from Mars or deals in
other inter- planetary fiction. The navy
! department has been the greatest sui
ferer from this pest. When the jealous
| but misguided patriot out on the plains
who has never seen the ocean, sits
down after a hard days work and
| plans how to add luster to his coun-
try's glory and incidentally to his own
name, he is pretty sure to devise a
submarine boat, or a diving appara-
tus or an impregnable warship What
ever his scheme is, it grandly sur
mounts all the difficulties that have
bothered the naval experts for years.
1t is not surprising that these experts
should be skeptical about the value of
such suggestions, but the hopeful in
ventor is no doubt panied by the jeal-
ousy which prevents them from recog-
nlzlng merit outside their own ranks.
About nine-tenths Of the letters con-
Il iat1 =
departments are of the crank" order
They relate to almost every conceiv-
able subject, and indicate all degrees
or mental alteration. There are in the
navy files at least $50 separate and in
dependent plans for submarine boats,
all unavoidable. They are to be pro
PEELED by every kind of power that
has ever been utilized, and some kinds
that are entirely new. They are to
roll on the bottom of the sea, dart IN
derneath the waves or merely sink be-
low the surface and blow up any hostile
ship that happens to pass above them.
one very inSistent genius who made a
trip to Washington and haunted the
department for several days wanted
the government to build a boat of the
latter class, for which he agreed to
provide the plans. If his suggestion
was adopted he proposed to take his
craft to the entrance of Santiago har-
Dor, sink it in the enamel and blow
up the ships of the Spanish fleet one
by one as they attempted to emerge.
The government was obliged regret
fully to decline this undertaking. and
the genius finally departed for his
home in Wisconsin, convinced of the
ancient truth that republics are I'M
grateful.
SUBMARINE GUN FROM GEORGIA.
There is a man in Georgia who has
several times called the attention of
the navy department to product of
his brain which. he modestly says.
Will completely revolutionize modern
warfare This remarkable weapon is
a submarine gun, which, according to
the triumphant statement of its sDon-
sor, has never failed to go off when it
was expected to- The inventor closes
his offer to the Washington authorities
with the suggestion that if they do not
care for the submarine gun there are
doubtless European nations who know
d good thing when they see it.
WONDERFUL AERIAL WEAPONS.
Next to the submarine schemes
aerial weapons and engines of destruc-
tVeneSS are most numerous. There
are airshfp plans by the hundred One
man in Daughoregon, Md, writes:
I have an invention of a motive
power whereby I obtain power from
controlling centrifugal force and di-
recting 1t in such manner that it re-
turns its power within the circle. l
can show this to anybody by a model
which ] have. I also can accomplish
a problem which has never been done
before. That is, 1 can, by divers and
rule, square a circle accurately, by
which principle l obtain this force
The gentleman who squares the
circle goes on to say that his motive
power is particularly applicable to air
ships, as all the weight of the cars,
machinery and passengers is converted
into power. Therefore the greater the
number of passengers the greater the
speed of the air-veSsel thus equipped
He proposes that the government shall
build 100 large airships of this type
each carrying 1000 men, and use them
in the invasion of Cuba. For supply
ing the idea he asks only 81, 900 on eac1
ship, or 100000 in a lump sum. He
explains that he would not make even
this slight requirement were it not
that he is a poor man with q. large
family.
DIDN'T WANT THE WIFE TO
Another flYing-machine man out in
Illinois writes that all the machines
that have been built in this county.
France and Germany, are no
good, but that he can build an air
ship, at a cost of $4,000, which will
carry q party of u persons around the
world If need be without once al;Ght-
ing. Gasoline is his favorite power
He advises that one or two of these
machines, loaded with high explosives,
be sent on a trip across Cuba, drop
ping bombs into one after another of
the Spanish Notifications and blowing
them to bits. This letter concluded
with one of the most naive and touch
ing passages imaginable. 1t read:
IF you write to me about this, call
it a steam pump, as my wife will get
mad if you say flying machine"
WOULD KILL SPANISH WITH
GERMS.
Not all the war suggestions submit |
ted to the departments are in the line |
IF inventions. Not long ago a letter
came from New York from a man who |
signed himself Professor" and claimed |
to be a scientist. He said that during |
The plague in India he had visited that |
and had secured a choice as !
of germs of the disease which |
lie had since maintained by process
If culture.
For a suitable consideration he was
Wiling to make a trip to Cuba, unloose
lis germs and would guarantee them
o kill off the healthiest Spaniard in
he island. The germ man was advised
o destroy his dangerous property as
quickly as possible, and was particu-
arly warned to give the department
building a wide berth as long as the
germs remained in his possession.
ALL WANT TO BE PAID.
These are only samples of the sug--
,estions which have been received at