Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1898-12-10
Prof. Mellick's Gas Discovery.

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The following is the only correct
account OF Prof. Humboldt Mellick's
recent discovery of natural gas. All
other accounts are counterfeits, and
should be avoided as one avoids the
deadly upss club. Insist upon hav.
ing the genuine and accept NO sub
stitute.
ln order to recuperatc his health,
which had become impaired by too
close application to his new book,
''The Tapeworm, It's Uses and
Abuses Prof. Mellick accepted the
invitation of his old friend, Fucker
smith, to visit bis farm.
Hither the wise man HE'D himself,
full of happy dreams Of wallowing in
rosy health while he assisted in
shocking the pumpkins u ID chasing
the coy crotains cahbages, or some
thing of the kind, over hill and dale.
Being interested in insects, when
moderately INDUCED in, Prof. Mel
lick intended to devote much of his
time 10 the pursuit of entomology,
as the chase Of the scrobatic tumble
bug and festive CAD snapper is call
ed. During most of the day the sun
was so hot that II threatened to pop
out his head like a large kernel of
chicken-corn, and the bright CLEAN
of the MONDAY affected the profes-
sor's weak eyes SO seriously that,
for time, he could hardly have seen
flock of barns in daylight.
Then, BY the advice OF the doctor,
Prof. Mellick did all his proving at
night. To be cure, the chances of
catching insects we're limited, but
the professor was content. He had
long wanted to study the cute little
firefies, thoroughly, in order TO dis
cover them, if possible, in the act of
setting each others tails aGre.
Then, too, there were meteors to
observe, and he hoped to see shoot
ing-star' hit the bulls eye over by
the milky way somewhere.
So, every pleasant night. he would
go laundering about fields and woods
like Nemesis who had go: lost.
Ut has been several years since
have known any of the neighbors to
have a Nemesis stray away and get
lost, and it may be possible that
Professor Mellick did not look much
like one after all)
One particularly dark night, after
the moon had gone to bed, Professor
Melfick, returning from long prowl
discovered an oddly-behaving light
in remote and tree-shaded corner
OF Puckersmith's back pasture. The
light bobbed abont in SO peculiar a
fashion that Prof. Melliek crept for
ward to investigate.
Doubtless there, in the little grove,
was the king of firefies, and at the
thought Prof. Mollick crawled eager
ly forward. 1t was then that the
wise man deeply regretted that he
had not been born twins, and be
might have come up on both sides
of the light at once, and thus have
made sure OF its capture.
What was his chagrin, after creep
ing up, to discover that the gigantic
lightningbug was man, busily en-
gagged in some sort of digging opera
ton By the light OF dark lantern
fastened TO his belt. The professor
hardly made the discovery, when
the digger extinguished his light,
shouldered his spade and departed.
The savant made all possible haste
to investigate. Why should any one
be digging at that time of night? be
asked himself.
He might be hurying the dead
past, but Prof. Mel.ick was more Of
the opinion that be was burying
money in the dirt instead.
In paving around over the fresh
ly.dug surface Of the ground in the
darkness, the wise man displaced a
large clod. In an instant he was
knocked prone on his oscocyx by an
odor compared to which eau dc pole
cat smell ike myrrh and franklin
cense. Even as he was scrambling
up, Prof. Mellick thought OF the bo-
nanza that awaited the man who