The herald., 1898-09-15
Convention Cuts

And suddenly there was a great noise as
of many heelers bowling. that would not
be comforted.
And Chairman Meserve said peace" but
there was no peace; nay, not one jot.
Then Chairman Meserve waXed very
wroth and smote with his gavel previously,
but still the peace came not, unless 1t were
piece of table.
Then saith Chairman Meserve TO him.
self: what shall do that may shu, the
mouths of these upbraiders and cryers-
aloud?" Then said he: Though they obey
not the noise of my gavel, because of the
hardness of their hearts, and because tn. r
heads are far from me; nevertheless will
cause them to obey"
And he spoke In a loud voice. saying:
Men Of the convention, If We do no. quit
your meanness 1 shall adjourn at once"
which he did not at all intend TO do; but,
knowing their wickedness, so spake he.
And there was great calm.
He wore a white badge that said "DcIe-
gate" 1t was sin; and, by the looks, was
printed at the Times Office or some where.
But he also wore a bright red brogue that
was flannel and without ques. lion is manu-
featured only in Cork. The brogue pro-
nounced it ''Diligaet."
He hadn't slept 1t all off yet; but he could
tell the story. "Yis," said he "Oi don't re-
member nothin' about 1t, but whin he first
sees me he begins a cursin' an miscalliu
me, they says. OF don't rimimber it at all.
but after he jumps on me like this, says
they, why thin OF hits him. Ye see. OF
don't rimimber a thing about L. but that's
pwhat they tells me-"
A Republican convention is an ed.fying
place to be. If you don't hear what you
want, walt for it. For the Old cellar has
got everything on tap from cider to cham
payne, and you can get your tippe Il you
have patience.
1t was as refreshing as alternate layers
Of Klondike and Cuba to hear the speeches
Of nomination yesterday. A. gets up and
drags the dear old eagle all over the saw
dust. He raves over our glorious wars and
trots out his whole gallery of fre-ea,ing
presidents. He shouts "record and honor"
and that's what Rep. stands for" till
his audience is carried up to toe Hottest
pinnacle of ethical elevation. A foreigne-
would think that the nominee for assessor
was giving up home OF luxury to lead a
!orlorn hope, and would probably weep
sympathetic tears.
But b., the very next speaker. wants TO
"know where Pozuza is coming in?" "Our
town has been stronghold every year"
says he. land has rolled up ajority for
everything Rep. and never before have we
asked for chance al the trough. Is Los
Angeles to have all the snaps all the time
and the rest of the county go hungry" etc
And the same foreigner wonders II the
gentleman Is describing prize pigs and their
table habits.
When Frank Harbert escaped the record
lrship a sigh of relief hoated upwards.
Frank was made for better things Cap
tain Hyatt introduced him. He said, in
substance: my candidate is a real es IA lie,
man, and an honest real estate man IS The
noblest work OF God. His great-grand-
father was soldier in the war of 1872; his
grandfather (here his pedigree stood or It's
head for awhie) fought in the Revolution
Iknow that his father helped put down .sc
Rebellion, and probably Frank would he
in the Seventh regiment, shedding
buckets of blood. but ne was
married man. And II you gentle
men should see his wife you would
know why he didn't go to war. Yes, he is
a great favorite with the ladies. Why. If
caesars W!1e nad JOurneyed with him for
any length there would have been no sus-
picion against Calphurnia."
These and other qualifications for re-
corder We're cited and recited. yet Mr. Har.
bert was not nominated The convention
saved him for bigger things. But il ever
The Republican party has the place of a
fcrupulous chaperon -of-young-ladies to I'll
there will be only one candidate.
O o
To make the program complete, they put
the usual Red Cross on it. 1t came in n
letter to Chairman Meserve. He couldn't
read it on account of his voice, SO he got
A. c. Brode to help him out. Just as every
body expected. Brode couldn't either and
didn't have any voice to lay 1t to or, rather.
had too much to lay II to. The Red Cross
should typewrite what they want said on
the second day Of a Republican convention.
1t was very thoughtless.
Those anxious to hear gathered something
about kindness" and grateful" "thank-
Ing the gentlemen" and so forth: and then
Everybody from the gavel up and the GAL
ieries down Joined in three cheers for the
ladies'. AS one old party put 1t, 1.-The ladies
ire worth three cheers any time, even If
Tou don't know what for"