Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-04-04
RuMOR OF THE DAY.

" hbC Say, pa, Wudt . HOulluD
debt?" Pa-"Our yacht, my son."
Chicago News.
81 was in an elevator once that fell
fifteen stories to the basement. :"
Dear me; how did it feel?" 81
was never SO taken down in my life. :"
Truth.
eve are going to give up having
Johnny get an education" "For
what reason?" "We can't get him
sterilized every morning in time to go
TO school. PUCK.
81 believe they claim there is less
sea-sickness now than there used to
be-" "Then 1 must have had all of
it," said the returned voyager.-
Chicago Evening Post.
Carrahan-"Th' forman down at th'
new place phere Dim wurrkin' is
purity kind. Ee towld me tex me
ch'ice av any tools t. wurrk wild an
Oi TUX me pick. Judge.
Too High.-Mrs. Poeticus-"D Don't
you think my new hat is a poem?"
Poeticus-" "No." Mrs. Poeticus-
why NV! OetiCus- OI, L LII
merely Judging by its price. Truth.
Stranger-."Where do the High
minds reside? They are one of the
old families of this city, 1 believe"
Mrs. Forundred-"They used to be,
but Mr.. Highmind failed last year. -
New York Weekly.
She-"How would you punctuate
the following: Bank of England
notes of various values were blown
along the street by the wind?'" He
-''I think would make dash after
the notes Tit Bits.
Billy Blink boxing instructor)-
"Great Scot! That was an outer
you gave me. But what's that in your
glove, say?" Amateur Gust learn
ing)-"Oh, that's horseshoe-I put
it there for luck. Tit
III Mr.. Isaac-"I5sells you dot coat at
gread sacrifice. Customer-"But
you say that of all your goods. How
do you make living?" Mr.. Isaacs-
"Mein frient, makes a schmall profit
on de paper and string. New York
Weekly.
Little Presbyterian, aged three, on
his return from the Episcopal Church,
where he had been for the first time:
"Mamma, the minister came out with
night-dress on, and all the ladies
were so 'shamed, they puS their heads
right down. Truth.
Literary Aspirant-"What steps are
necessary when you want to get out
book?" Borus (who has had some
experience )-"Several thousand steps
will be necessary if it takes you as
long to find publisher as it generally
takes me. Chicago Tribune.
Chollie--"Maud has to wear glasses;
the oculist said she had been using
her eyes too much" Charlie-"I
should say SO! You ought to have
seen her at the dance the other
night; she was just surrounded by
men all the time. "-Harper's Bazaar.
She-"Ah, Count, you don't know
how my love for you distresses my
parents. I heard my father say this
morning that he would give $50. 200 if
I could never see you again." The
Count-"Ees your fazaire in hees
Offices now, you sink?"-Chicago
News.
"You know" said the Chinese EN-
peror, possession is nine points of
the law" eyes, replied the Europe
an diplomat, "but 1 must remind you
that there are several hundred points
in the game we are playing. Nine
points represent a mere bagatelle in
the score. Washington Star.
A lady who saw that her servant
girl seemed to take certain interest
in the objects OF art in her parlor, said
to her.. (Which one of those figures
do you like best, Mary?" 'This one,
num-" said Mary, pointing to the
armless Venus of Milo. "And why
do you like the Venus best?" "Sure,
it's the aisiest to doost, num-" ans.
wered the girl.-Harlem Life.
Shell Fish Fear Thunder.