The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1898-12-20

"
Political Starvation in the Majors
Neighborhood.-Col Josephus Getting
Impatient IA Lawless Crowd Organ
izing~-Queer Talk in Some Localities.
B-"Hello! Mr., Editor"
R-"HelloI Major. Anything new
or startling in your nei yhborhood this
weeks"
BIT can't say that they is. I've
noticed a guide deal ov sufferin' ermong
my MAJORS who are ~expectin' perIiti.
cal jobs, an most OF 'em seem ter be
sick abed with that fever. 1 wish the
| Kings Darters or the Dorters ov the
Contederacy, or sum Ov them other
nigh flynn relief sosities would cum
out here an sorter brighten 'em up a
bit. Sum of my dymakret Majors
are dyin' inch by inch in a land ov
plenty, so ter speak. I'm purity hun.
CRY myself. It would take two or
three purity big Dos ter fill the vacancy
in my anatermIe. I reckon Josephus
Daniels IL gittin' so hurry fer the per.
Iitical tater patch that he hez gone ter
Washington ter ak Uncle Sam ter put
somethIn' in hiz stockin' on Christmas
mornin'. He hez got tired wa5tin' on
the fellers whut are goiD' ter open q
perlitical restaurant in this State. But
I reckon he'll git back in slime tar git
both feet IN the Jroff Az I'm not eli
glble ter eff under the present mana
cement, l KIn afford ter take an i'm
partial view ov the situation. I've er.
bout concluded that the Gifts seekers
are goin' ter git up a Red Shirt crowd
an 0ulldoze each other. I suggest az
a guide name "Waddell's Rough an
ready R.ders.", They'll make the
O 1aker element in the party think that
6neolI hez broke loose ia Georgia, OF
I'll be fooled. I may jine that
crowd myself. This is a funny State
anyhow. a man can't be religious IN,
less he belongs ter the dymakrat party.
| All dymakrats in guide an regular
standin' go ter heaven by the nearest
road when they die. Awl others take
the other route. There are lots ov
other funny things in the State. l Wug
up in the Western part ov the State
not long ergo. / axed a man the price
ov corn. Hs looked at me sorter aus
plclously an replied: "AnyWhar frum
Is cents ter SO a quart" l wuz sur.
prised. Down E a5E here we give the
price ov corn by the busheI or by the
Darrel. l sed purity high, amt it,
He sed: I don't see how you could ez.
pect it TO be any lower than Is cents
per quart fingered a little an found
thai 1t would foot up erbOut 81 80 per
bu+hel at Is cents per quart. He seed
that I Wuz puzzled an then lowed that
he explain matters. He sed that corn
liz never sold in that seckshun except IN
q liquid STATE an that runs up purity
hign. Then he told me how ter by it.
He sed fer me ter go out in the woods
an lay Is cents on the first stump
cum to an then go eff fer a little while.
Then ter an I'd find a quart oV
corn on the same stump. 1t VIZ a new
I GC4 u4O LAG STU Ju43 WIZ ~
way most Of the corn IL marketed
slnse the r ID SnlrSs Dekum the leaders
ov sosiety an chuEcn matters, fer they
would simply take the corn without
payin' fer it if the nan who raises the
corn let's them see it before they deposit
the money. All these things were
Greek an' Latin ter me, but I'm bound
ter admit that this IL a progressive
State an new things are be1n' dIscoV
cred every day. But it bruised my
pride ter learn that SIGH things are 60
IN On in this grand old State. the bIr'H
place ov liberty. Gudebye."
We wish our subscribers a merry
merry Christmas and a happy New
Year, one and all; but we are Jus''
little afraid that it goes more heartily"
those whose subscriptions are PAID uP
or to those who pay up before January
IL, 1899.