The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1898-08-07
FOR HOME PEOPLE,

paralyzed by too much man. Yesterday
7 saw her again, and to my horror ! saw
she had cross-eyes and a moustache. I
have been simply regaining my sight She
was the first woman had seen n forty
five days and of course thought she was
beautiful. But that wasn't ali. a few
days after was stationed here before this
palace as a guard. began little f1irta-
ton with a senorita VINO passes here every
morning with her mamma.
knocked the dand-uf off my shoulders
and twirled my moustache into an ice
pick at each end and stood up like giant
every time she went by. and she eyed me
SO coyly that said to myself:
Mobility. Belongs 20 the Spanish no.
bility. I'll bet my hat she does. Got
chaperone the sweet little thing. Must be
her goverress or something. Well III just
shine UP. What would Wichita say II l
came back there with che Countess OF
Barcelona or Bologna Cor my bride7'
Well. she kept passing there and looking
in az the palace and at me. and ! got
pretty bold and smiled. The very next day
the beautiful creature and her governess
walked up 70 me and the little woman
said in pretty good English:
Gould we communicate with the gen.
eral?"
1 answered certainly, when the general
himself appeared, and I introduced him.
And those two women asked for the job
of scrubbing the floors OF the palace, and
the general took the offer.
AS soon as they were gone, I said to
the general:
General, it isn't right to allow that
young girl TO scrub floors"
"Why?" he said.
Because she's too fine young woman.
1t would be a shame to let her get her
little white hands down on the rough
boards. Beauty ought not to have any
privileges, general, but it does. and she is
too beautiful to scrub floors"
Beautiful he snorted. that girl beau
tifur'
Eyes, sir" I said.
''Bah!'' said the general. "Why she's
got a face on her like meat block"
Good heavens, general, do you mean
it."
Mean it? Why she's bilious. and she's
pimply. Her face would stop dynamo
a mile away when she was only looking
at the light
/ didn't say anything. 1 didn't believe
him. The next day 1 pointed her out 10
a Spaniard and asked him if she were not
one of the recognized beauties of San
tiago and he said that the general was
right-that her face would make cactus
wilt
1 knew that something was the matter
with my eyes. And now here comes the
senorita across the street whom 1 met the
other day. To me she is beautiful. But I
don't know. Her eyes may be like burnt
holes in a blanket and her mouth like
slash in a hard-boiled egg and her COM
plexion like the weather side of an oak
tree don't know. 1 can't tell. I've
had too much man.
And now a word of advice to the women
Of America Send your husbands and
sweet hearts to war for the removal of
freckles. Send 'em to war and your old,
straight. lank hair will become meshes Of
lustrous tresses. Send 'em to war, and
your cold, calculating eyes will become
stars beaming with silver shafts of love-
light Send 'em TO war and your mouth,
which is either too large or too small, will
become a perfect cupid's bow of irresst-
ibe invitation. If your complexion is a
little bilious send him to war and he will
come back and declare your cheek is like
the faint flush of dawn on a be-dewed
rose in a Persian garden. 1t is a fact. l
know. CURLY KIRK.
P. S.-I still have my souvenirs.