The Somerset reporter., 1898-11-03
THE PLASTERER.

'Maria," observed Peter Grigwell to
his better half as he decapitated his
second egg-laid in Germany-at the
domestic breakfast table, II suppose
your strongly developed feminine pro-
clivities will not allow of your forego-
ing for once in way the delirious de-
lights of thorough spring cleaning?' "
If, Peter, in plain English, you
mean that you wish me to shirk my
duty as British housewife by neglect
ing to clear away twelvemonth's ao-
emulation of CRIME and cobwebs, you
suppose correctly" retorted Mrs Orig
we'll in dry, matter Of fact tone of
voice that ought to have silenced any
average man.
as it were to his wife's very own style
of oratory that it had ceased to impress
him ever 80 slightly.
Twelve months accumulation p he
cried in we'll feigned astonishment
"Why, l have always labored under the
impression that the house was kept
pretty clean week in and week out i''
Pretty clean, of course returned
Mrs. Peter, with sniff and toss of her
head, 'but the carpets are not taken up
weekly. But perhaps you have been SO
absorbed in the consideration of weight
Ter matters that you have failed to no.
tioe such detail as that" This was
said in Mrs CT. s most sarcastic vein,
but it only elected gruff "Humphl'
from her husband, 20 she returned to
the charge with "Then look at the
ceilings. You cannot truthfully deny
that they require whitening, and badly
too. "
81 suppose the process is inevitable, "
observed Peter trifle YEARLY. mo
home complete without it, so to speak -"
Il should think notl" exclaimed the
lady in ringing voice of triumph.
"There is one thing l am fully de-
termined upon though" said Mr.. Orig
well calmly, land that is l am not 60
ing to be mulcted to the same tune as l
was last year Dashers bill was a par
alyzer. A few more like it would com
pei me to undergo the process of white
washing myself :"
"What do you intend to do them"
asked Mrs Grigwell in voice as hard
as the primest cut of beefsteak.
81 intend, answered Peter in self
reliant tone, Ito whitewash myself ="
EYES, observed Mrs GIigwell
sweetly-bitter sweetly, in fact-"but
who is going to whitewash the cell
ings?"
Peter gave his wife penetrating
glance, having hazy notion that she
was trying to get at him, as the saying
goes, but as she bore his gimletlike
stare without fiinching he appeared
satisfied and said:
Eyes, l am determined to distemper
they call it that now in the bill-the
ceilings entirely myself. See?''
Mrs. Grigwell felt the situation to
be desperate indeed, but knowing from
experience gained in the past how ut.
terly futile would any attempt be on
her part to reason with the self opinion.
ated Peter, she determined to try the
effect of ridicule.
peter Grigwell, she said in Der
most whitening manner, "you will
surely never be quite such an idiot as
to attempt TO whitewash the ceilings of
this house?'
Madam" retorted Mr. Grigwell
grimly, your remarks are in exceeding
ly bad taste and i'll become the wife of
farseeing husband whose sole intent
is the welfare of his family and to pre-
serve them from being plundered by
rapacious distempering demons.
lyon will find that your silly fad
will cost you dear in the end, " retorted
Mrs. Grigwell with a derisive laugh.
"Bosh" said Peter hotly. That's
just the way-but, there, what's the
use of arguing with a woman? Lemme
see today is Wednesday. shall make
start with this room tomorrow at 10
sharp. You hear, Maria, at / 0 o'clock. ?"
Peter spent the remainder of the fore
noon in getting together all the old
newspapers in the house, and with the
aid of large lobster tin full of paste,
brush and pair of garden shears he
fashioned from several of the broad
sheets mysterious looking things bear
ing weird resemblance to Unfortunately
roomy trousers and an expansive coat
with balloonlike sleeves.
Next morning Peter was up in good
time and set about mixing his white
wash in zinc bucket, 80 as to be in
readiness for his work as soon as break
fast was out of the way. By 10 o'clock
the course was clear for Peter to com
mence his wrestle with the distemper
business. He, with calm politeness, re-
quested that he might be left alone. as
he required no assistance and the whole
thing would be done within an hour.