davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
WISE WORDS

To bear disappointment bravely is to
disconcert the fstes.
Every woman is as old as the neigh
bors remember she is.
Mingle folly with your wisdom. or
nobody will associate with you.
We are well balanced when our wills
can control our pre;udices.
Faith is higher than reason. rs 10y
atty is finer than investigation.
The gcniality of some people amounts
to positive blemish in character.
Look before you leap: otherwise you
won't recognize yourself afterward
Originality consists mainly in not
saying the things which everybody else
says.
Stupid people rob us OF time and
temper. but clever peOple go away load
ed with our ideas.
When a girls clever tongue keeps her
from marrying. IL is because she has
not yet met her equal among men.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
FUNNY TRUTHS.

It sometimes curbs fast bachelor to
bridal him.
It's hard for a wise man 10 bluff a
fool who wants to fight.
Tailors say that hard cash makes the
best lining fer pockets.
Lots OF people who cling to the an
chor Of hope so down in the mud.
A girl seldom troubles herself TO light
the gas when an old fame calls.
Female poets are rare for the simple
reason thai poets are born. no; maid.
\ farmer says the most difficult thing
he ever tried To raise was mortgage
The great trouble with milk or hu-
man kindness is that it's skinned too
often.
Numerous crimes have been com
mitted against the helpless oyster in
the name OF charity.
Some people would never want GER
tain things il they didn't see Others
trying to get them.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
AN INVOLVEMENT BIRD.
mississippi Housewives Experience
With a Furnished Guost.

miSsisssippi Housewife's Experience
with Furnished Guest.
In the days before the war; fam
~ OF Woodworking people lived in
7order county of Mississippi. They did
aot keep a tavern, but they often fed
he wayfarer.
One Saturday the housewife roasted
large turkey baked a batch OF bread
md made a number OF pies. She was
re1ey for her Sunday dinner
That Saturday afternoon n single
horseman appeared. He asked for his
thinner and fed his horse in the ample
stable OF the farmer. rhe housekeep-
sr was busy and the man in haste, SO
she set the turkey before him. thinking
hat he would not make much OF an i'm
PRECISION upon it.
The stranger sat down in front OF
the turkey and set to work. lie cut
unto the breast OF one side and ate it
iall. His appetite was only wheIted.
Elle demolished the wing and then cut
of me leg. The drImstick disappeared
ana the upper joint was stripped. The
woman stood aghast. she battered ont
10 the back porch. where her pies were
Isooiins. and. selecting a tempting ap-
Iple pie. set il before her guest. He put
lit 70 one side and turned the I'M
touched side Of the turkey toward him.
He eat OF the wins aad the leg. The
woman saw her Sunday dinner disap-
Ipear before her eyes
At iensth havirg exposed all the
/ hcnes Of the large fowl. he attacked the
Ipie and lef, not 4 trumb
The woman sank in chair near by.
She was 100 much overcome for mo
lment to SPEAK Than she said:
You se@m TO haze enjoyed the tur-
key. There is NOT so much Left as ex-
Ipected"
The man pushed hack his chair. took
0nt his quill, tooshpick. crossed his
knees and sighed with satisfaction.
Then he spoke:
We'll, madam" said he. a turkey
lis a very inconyen. ent bird"
The woman waited for him to ex-
plain, but he was silent. Then she
said:
Why is the turkey inconvenient?"
Well, madam. Il is a little too much
for one and not quite enough for two,"
Ireplied her guest
The woman tainted
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
IRONlcAl IFS.

II you would win friends you must
be friendly.
IL a woman has duck OF bonnet
she is right in the swim.
II you want To get chip off the old
block ak the block for il.
II clothes make the man some men
must patronize mighty poor tailors.
IL marriage is n lottery love-letters
should be excluded from the mails.
II women are foolish it's because
they were made to be the companions
OF men.
If man is unable 10 make dis
tinguished name for himself in any
other way he uses a hyphen.
If other people never made mistakes
we would have but little cause to pride
ourselves on our abilities.
If each member OF the congregation
was to give the minister his candle
opinion of the sermon he would prob
ably resign.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03


Tie manager OF the bicycle agency
was clearly suffering from a dyspeptic
mind CT pessimistc stomach. 1t was
late in the morning when he arrived
at his place Of business. and without
a word he walked over to the desk at
which one of the statesmen was seated.
lie looked ever the salesman's shoul-
Ger, and then. with an unamiable in
fection in his voice. commented:
Il thought paid you salary 10 sell
bicycles"
That's what am trying to do"
DO you call scribbling all over that
pad OF paper selling bicycles?"
NO"
And what kind OF arithmetic do you
|cal'that column of figures there, mere
ehiid's play to kill time?"
What column of figures do you
mean?"
THE one on the corner of the desk.
You have written '$75' and scratched
It our; then "a and so ON down to
SEQ ="
Il suppose that strikes you as uif-
Ing"
"Assuredly."
Well. it isn't. That represents a
strenuous effort to dispose Of one oil
our seventy-fvc dollar wheels to q Geai
and dumb m2n.'
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
HUMOROUS soul1s.

The cTrarel CT the small boy is al
ways a suit for damage.
It's one thing to have an 6ea and
another to carry il out.
No man ever has TO feel asnaned of
the company he keeps cut Of
Seven days mako one week-hut it
often takes more to make one strong.
Some nen give according to their
means ard others according to their
meanress.
Politeness pays as q rule. yet many
man has lost heavily through a civil
action.
Patent-medicinc men fill their alma
macs with ancient jokes to show their
skill in prolorging life.
A woman seldom objects 10 self
made husband unless he insists upon
her wearing sclf-made drcssee.
A rural exchange says: Silver is
less valuable than eggs" Perhaps it
is, but a pocket fun OF the former
causes less uneasincss than the same
quantity Of the latter.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
FACTS OF REAL INTEREST.

The number OF people at present who
speaks English IS said TO be 10000, 900.
There are 81 royal families in Eu-
rope, two-thirds OF which are OF Ger
man origin.
In ten years the descendants OF two
rabbits. If lef, unmolested, will number
1000 ,OOO
or the nearly 1900. 900 inhabitants of
Berlin only 42.OO0 have an annual in
come OF over S75e.
Britain owns one-fourth of the rail-
ways in the United States of America,
and half of the railways of South
America.
According TO careful estimates, three
hours OF close study wear the body
more than a whole day Of hard physical
exertion.
In Belgium. by recent regulation. all
bulls and cows are to wear earrings as
soon as they have attained the age OF
three months.
There are only 3.S42 left OF the Ainu
Of Japan-the true ahoringines OF that
country Nearly all OF them live on
the northern island of Yezo
The Occur d'Alene district of Idaho
and southern Missouri together furnish
nearly A. per cent. OF the total produce
ton OF lead in the United States
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03

The smallest cows IN the world are
20 be found in the Samoan islands.
The smallest cau,els belong in Per
STA They are not more than fifty
eentimeters high.
Berlin has the smallest elephant in
the world It is only one meter high
and weighs eighty kilograms.
Gaust is the smallest republic as to
era. which is exactly one mile. The
population numbers $50. 1t Is sit
uated in the Pyrenees.
Tavolara is the smallest republic as
to population, having only tifty-three
men, women and children. II is
twelve miles from Sardinia.
The smallest horse in the world is J
Shetland pony owned by the Marquis
Carcano. rs height does not surpals
seventy centimeters; 1t is often BIZ
messed to lilsputian mail coach.
King Malietoa. the Samoan non
arch. lately dead. received a smiller
salary than any royalty. $50 moIthly,
and It was usually in arrears.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
THE LADY AND the MOUSE.
This Little Rodent Caused Great Deal
OF TrOubie-

This Little Rodent Caused Great Deal
OF TrOubie-
1t is an old. old story to accuse wo-
mankind OF oowardice where the mouse
is concerned. But the oft-repeated
charge that any woman will immedi-
Stely 90 into Mysteries or spasms at
the mere sight OF a smali-sized rodent
is an insult to the sex. Some may
cvince their dislike OF mice in this way.
but there are notable and conspicuous
exceptions. For example. one woman.
while engaged in her domestic duties.
encountered a mouse in the -four bar
rel. Now, most women under similar
few genuine shrieks and then sought
safety il the garrett. but this one pos
sesscd more than the ordinary degree
Of genuine courage. She summoned the
na n-scrVant and told him to get the
sun. call the dog ard station himself
at convenient distance. Then she
c'ambered half way upstairs ard COM
menced TO punch the -four barrel with
pole Presently the mouse made its
appearance and started across the
floor. The dog at once went in pur-
suit. The man fired and the dos drop
ped dead. the lady tainted and fell
down stairs. and the man, thinking
that she was killed ard fearing that
he would be arrested for the murder
disappeared and has not been seer
since. The mouse escaped
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03

drawn.-Massinge
In character. in manners. in style. in
all things. the supreme excellence is
simplicity. -LOngfelIow.
The best manner Of avenging our
selves is by not resembling him who
has injured us.--Jane Porter.
II there is any person to whom you
feel dislike. that is the person OF whom
you ought never TO speak.-CeciL
More hearts pine away in secret an
guish for unkindness ffcm those who
should be their cOmforters, than for
any other calamity in lise.-Young.
We never enjoy perfect happiness;
our most fortunate successes are
mingled with sadness; some anxieties
always perpiex the reality OF our salts
faction.-Corneille.
SnObs in high places assume great
airs. and are pTetentious in all they do.
and the higher tho elevation the more
conspicuous is the incongruity OF their
position.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
POINTED PsNcILlNes.

Optimism is foolishness.
Every soul has blind side.
Men Will endure polite murder.
The feel listens while the philos-
opher looks.
The idler is the worlds insolvent
debtor
Hope is foolish even at three score
and ten.
The mirror of time gives US barely
a glimpse Of ourselves.
The poorest relations are those
void of beauty. truth and love.
All hogs have not bristles-some
wear purple and fine linen.
Cut glassware would be more popu-
lar il dealers would cut prices.
Energy can not be lost. but it viii
take long and mysterious vacations.
In the checker game young Alphon-
so seems to be cornered in the king
row.
"A wise man can appear stupid at
times bat there are those who carry it
to excess.
The bicycle puts the person Who is
learning to ride it in touch with the
whole earth.
Matches may be made in heaven
but Satan retains his corner on the
birthstone market.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03

Why isn't 4 good wife woman pos
sessed?
Why are weak-minded men usually
headstrong?
why isn't a decree of divorce a part
ing Injunction
why doesn't the glutton dig his grave
with his teeth?
why is the most of the bread cast
upon the waters stale?
Why hasn't the man who lives in a
garnet q good outlook?
Why does a girl seldom attempt to
eXtinguish the spark OF love?
Why are our losses usually much
easier to bear than our victories?
Why does the average man always
get less credit than he thinks he is en-
titled TO and more than he deserves?
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
APHoRIsMs.

Doubt whom you viii, bat never
doubt yourself Bovee.
A good intention clothes i,s2,s III
power Emerson.
The more We study the wa.c We dis
ccVa~ our ignorance. Shelley.
Dong good is the only certainly hap
ny action in mans life.-s.- Philip
Sidney.
Blessings ever wait on v.fI.ors
deeds, and though a late, sure reward
succeeds ongreve.
True dignity is never gained by place
aAd never lost when honors are with
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
WHIIILep, 10 A POINT.

Family ire ave more or less shady.
The Office ~ er has to seek the man
on pay day. -
Some dogs are pointers and some are
disappOinters.
More people have the gift of speech
than the gift Of silence.
The older the trousers the better they
are prepared for the fray.
It's easier 10 read about love in a
cottage than it is to bring it about.
When passenger trains are tele-
scoped the passengers are apt to see
stars.
A womans ideal husband is usually
a fool in the eyes of other men.
Only his employer ever appreciates
the worth OF a successful bill collector.
Love. like ice, is awfIlly slippery and
it soon thaws
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
The Planet ia Pittsburgh.

The Planet can ba found on fale a.
osepb Evsus. 1870 Wilson ST.. Jonas
igsr Store end SaeltOa's Earber shop,
Pitts burgb. Pc.
In East Erd Pitts urrh at Fvezier's
Rarbsr Shon End IN Frenkstown ct
Thompson's Bsrber shop, East End.
Joseph Evans.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
If hams whnf Nnr-

The man who owns the farm next
10 mine is the luckiest fellow l ever
saw"
What are yon talking about 4?
There's no such thing as luck
There isn't. hey? Then viii you
kindly tell me how It happened that he
bored for water anil struck oil. While 1
bored for oil and struck water?"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
An un.,annr Reminder.

There were some remarkable old
carvings in that collection OF bric-a-
krac.' remarked the art enthusiast.
I'm glad I didn'; see EN-" re-
marked the young man with black
trimmed eye glasses. Il have too much
to interest me in that line whenever
we have spring chicken at our house. -
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03

r-esi5s6t Mckinl-Y finds it diiEisait
20 represE n smIle when some promi
nsn caller bssias - tell ain the r-a.
soDs-.hs same old reasons that he has
heard n thousand times-Why tile o.
should not take Ihs Philippines.
The President never coptrai let's then.
On the contrary. he expresses the
Aeartisst ayrsesns ms with nunoer of
these reasOne. After his anti-expan-
elon callers have exhausted their rea-
eoas and arguments. she President ne
oally says something like this: "So'ns
-! your reasons are excellent, hui
there IL one gtAr.ng weskoes i'm your
position you do not provid- a salts
factory way in which TIE Philippines
may be d.Spo ssd of
GOULD NOT REruRN THEN TO spain.
Evlrybody admits that we could not
with jlsIics. not 80 mention hamaoi
~, t;lrn the islands over 10 Spain
again; the natives are in no condiJsOn
50 maintain a. lude pendent gOvarn-
menf. Now. IL the u. s don't take
SOntrol az them. please give ms your
Ocinion OF whas ought tt b. done with
Ihem, b@aring in min that - ate IN pt
ID transfer them 10 any European ma
eiOa. o,her than 5 ain, which ia out OF
the question, would almost certainly
pr acIpitate great war" 10 To this
Sime nooe o. the anci-expansiOnists
have suggested Satisfactory way t0r
0s TO escape the RESPONSE billy of Phil
hppine control, AHA only few of them
have nade the ATTEMPT
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
ANY Woman Can be Beautiful
OSLAINE

Is the KING OF all Hair Preparations
for Strengthening, Growing, Dressing
and identifying the hair. The most
stubborn and kinlSy suit of hair can be
made perfectly straight by using Os-
LINE 1t will produce 8 luxuriant
growth of hair, will stop il from break
ing off and falling out, and viii restore
it to its natural color and glossy appear
ance. OsLINE has been recognized by
ladies OF society and refinement for
years as the best article OF the kind
that has ever been offered to the public.
Price, soc per bottle or 8 for Sl.25.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
FACE BLEACH.

Our Face Bleach will remove freck-
les pimples, black-heads and all moth
patches from the face. II viii bleach
tanned and sun burnt skin and produce
a bright transparent complexion; and
make the skin as soft and smooth as a
baby's face.
Price SOC per bottle or for $i.25.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
EXPOSING IGNORANce.

dent ard Secretary Alger. Gsn. Butler
will bs ORD er-d back Cd Havana
ENPos.E0 IGNORANcE.
Those democrats who jumped 10 thu
cGnciuslpn thai thu announcements
thAE this government wouH maintain
the "spsn 4 Dor poiiey in the cOmmere
- the Philippines meAat that thare
was - We free Grade with the islands
simply exposed their ignorance. Tn
term open door" hos long been 10 use
IN Europe. and means, nss free trad
nut an tqusi footing for MI. II other
wOrds, a countries will be allowed 20
trare with the Philippines upon the
same conditions.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
NOTHING WILL STOP IT.

Nothing is likely 20 stop the expsn-
sion Of cur foraigl commercial every
direction, owing. TO the impsoOability
shat th~ democrats will oe in a posi-
9i"n t. = ddle any more disastrous tar
kG experiments On the country for g
kong time
NOtwlthsts nd ng reports 10 the con
u -Sering az Mai. cen. NJ. G.. Butl9r,
one OF our Mill ary Commissioner, 81
Havana. TO w Ashinlt n further than
thas the President aid SECRETARY Al
ger desired to have the b-neiit OF tn
knowledge acquired by Gen. Butler
during his sra IN Cuba. while arrAng-
ing shs DecessRry orders for earryio ,
Gu, u Q military occupation os the
lsnc. Alter CO dsrriug with the P1esi
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
IsRoADs MADE IN SCOTLAND.

The u s. Consul at Edinburgh, says
IN report to the Department OF state:
American made agricultural maehin-
cry is widely used on the farms Of
SsotlsDd, Most kind of machinery for
SavTn purposes, manufactured in ths q.
&, have long been preferred by farm
ers here. on account OF price, qualify
and design.' The man who would
have predicted twenty years ago that
~e should be selling large quantities Of
farming implements in any portion Of
xhe British Empire. would have bsen
considered fit subject for en- insane
asylum. There il no telling To what
extent our trad . vii grow i 4 the next
&wenty years, If the wise policy, which
mas always been festsre OF Repubii-
can National administration shall be
continued without interruption.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
WASHINGIONLETTER
SPAIN YtELDS.--NO UN-
EASlNESS FELT.
I he Proposed c. bic to
Hawaii,
PRESIDENT McKINLEl1S
GATHERS.
Machinery In Scotland. The
Open Door In The
PHILIPPINES.
sFrOm Our Regular Correspondent. ,

WAsHfNeroS, ID. c., Nov. % h, '9S.
President Mckinley has about iinisb-
"a has snpusT message TO Congress, ex
cent that portion dealing with the
Ges.5 os peace. Spain has accepted
cur terms, end il is expected that the
tres;y wiil be signed in time to enable
abe Presiden. TO get as May OF its de-
ssils as it il deemed expedisnt TO
make n8bsic in mis- messags.
no UxK.slKEss FELT.
There is no unessiness in sdrlinis-
1rati0n ciccief about the ratifi sstion of
abe treAsy ~ peace by the Senate. al
though several republican Senators
and number Of democratic Senators
are tslkivg against ra'iti -s,i0n. TEE
. Nly thing thSt enc orp 'sition can d.
Is % delay ratifi 'aSion by preventing =
vote as che coming session. IL would
Zee better, OF course, shat tha treat Y
should HI promptly ratified. bnt iuH<-
much a. W. shall have everything in
cur uwn hands, AM as there is no in
tension % govern the newly acquired
Territory in any other wsy than by
military rule. for at least q year, the
delay Will msk,. no material diff srence.
even IL it extends 70 the end OF abe
coming session Of Congre:s.
TIKI SENATE To BE CONVENED.
The Pres dan. can easily call an ez-
ira session OF the SENATE, which will ue
strong republican after che fourth O:
next N1rcn. ia ratiiy THE treaty, and
he can be SIRE that IL will be speenl J
done.
The necessity for cable to Hawaii Is
SO apparent thSt it is reRaried as pro
babe that the biil prOvi ling form
Of government for Hawaii will a,sc
provide for the laying OF cahie
which shall. bs subject 10 the control
of this governments, il not actually
Owned by il. No trOube is antIeip pat
cd in passing the Hawa lao bill. whsth-
err il includes the cable provision OF
not
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03
500 REWARD
for any case where our goods fall
to do as we recommend.
Read what our customers say
about our Face Bleach and OsIine:

Read what our customers say
about our Face Bleach and Osline:
HEALING SPRINGS. VA. Oct. 70. 1893
Tho OSlinc Co
Dear Sirs: Enclosed piease find 800 for
which please send me another box OF oSTLSE
Cor IN other words please mix Sc and send
half FkCE RTEACH and the other OsLINE) as
my friends are still calling for It. All pur-
chasers OF Your osIlsE seem TO like II very
much. lease forward 70 Hot springs ES-
press office AZ once and oblige me.
MRS. n. j. HALLIBURTON
ELHARETHoS. TRIM, June "a. 1893
Dear Sirs: You viii please send me an
enclosed Postal Money order for SO cents. i
dnd that Your OsLINE has done ny hair more
good shan anything that ] have ever used.
lt 10 the highest MARTHA ST. CLAIR
BOX 2sS ELIzABETuoE, TENN, Carter Co.
WINCHESTER, KY, Oct. =, 1898
Gentlemen: AS have used one bottle
satisfaction, can highly recommend IT. as
me pt oes M ever used Enclosed 20 dS please find
OsLINR. please send IL at once.
Respec tfully
MRS ANNIE TAYLOR
HUSTON. La Nov 1st, IsOS.
Enclosed find p. o. NJ. O.. three dollars
for which please send me at once IL BOTTLES
OF OsLiEE, and send AZ once. IL sells like
for more. OSLISE has given entire satisfac-
ton here. nothing but praise OF its effects
from customers. This Is my fourth order.
Yours Truly.
MRS. J. NJ. GARDNER
OXFORD, Md, July %, 1898
The OSlilie Co.
Dear Sir: WIN you please send me two
more bottles of your FACE BLEACH. / have
tried one bottle and find 10 perfectly salts
factory. Enclosed fad one dollar for TWO
BOTTLES and Obligo l.. V. GRAY,
Talbot County, oxford. Nd.
Boykins. Va
TO the Osline Co., Indianapolis Ind.
Dear Sirs: l am glad To say that have
used one bottle OF your FACE BLEACH, and
IL has almost removed every pimple. / can
say I've tried many remedies and none did
so much good as that OF yours. Please find
enclosed 80 cents for a bottle OF same.
Respectfully,
MARY A. FIELDS.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1898-12-03

The excitement increases daily wonderful work of p
Glenn as healer de known Afrcas Wonderful CuFist
More than five hundred people have been during the
he has resided in Philadelphia equally ID
who have written him describing their diseases residing else
where in the United States
Hundreds of and after of diseases wh
highest skill available Stubborny
remedy known matea medica The remedies
have Brought speedy relief The people that
know the value OF his work avail themselves
mis- Iyou feel these symptoms
and him.
SYMPTOMS:
have runnbln n
II have q sense heaL n
here thrcbb n he toms
(T snten uleKP
IN
voar memory
dc e
these then and
T. Y. GLENN, AFRICAS WONDERFUL CURIST
1914 Lombard ST.. Philadelphia Penn.
The African White Seal Oil.