The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1898-01-11

member OF that committee says that
the old soldiers should not be deceived
into fales hopes by the introduction of
bills in their favor There have been
upward of 1000 private pension bills
introduced. but not more than 100 OF
them Will be passed. That means 900
or more will be disappointed. 1t will
be almost impossible to secure the pass
age OF private pension bills during the
present session of congress The dis
position OF congressman, generally. is
against hasty pension legislation Be-
sides. the condition of the treasury
makes congressman feel that they must
go slow In all kinds Of appropriations.
do not say this Is right; merely men
ton the fact"
Should the senate call upoCA the sec
rotary of state for United Sr1tes con-
sular reports from Cuba il is likely they
would be made public so far as they
show the condition of suffering in Cuba
These consular reports have been care
fully kept from the Subiic for several
reasons. but chief oNShese is that they
show failure of SPANS plan of auton-
omy in the island, and the administra-
ton does not care TO do anything to
embarrass or appear to PREJUDICE the
efforts of Spain. Assistant Secretary
Day knows from the consular reports
how extreme is the need of the Cubans.
One OF Mason's Stories.
Senator Mason of Illinois is regarded
as the best story teller in the north
wing of the Capitol He was regarded
as the wittiest man in congress when
he was a member of the house of rep
resentatives. In the senate cloakroom
he today entertained a coterie Of states
men with brilliant repertoire of new
ones" concluding with the following
southern scene.
A traveller landed at wayside tav-
ern in Texas early one morning, and
after sitting around without discover
ing any signs of breakfast until an ap-
petite like a mustard plaster began
gnawing, he walked up to the landlord
who was behind the counter bent near
ly double over a newspaper, in which
he was tracing the lines of a thrilling
romance with his forefinger as he
puffed away at an old cob pipe.
''What time do you have breakfast ?"
he said.
The landlord groaned. but did not
look up. The traveller raised his voice
a notch or two and repeated
when do you have breakfast"
''Heh?" said the landlord, with his
face still buried in the newspaper.
when do you have breakfast"
Most every day
us this one of the unlucky days?"
"Heh?"
Are you going to have breakfast to-
day."
IT reckon more'n like we will"
How soon do you suppose 1t will be
ready"
II don't suppose nothin' about It,"
What's the reason you don't?"
"Coz l don't know"
when do you generally have it?'
when tie coffee biles."
HAS the fire been started yet"
IT don't know nothin' about it,"
What's the reason you don't?"
Didn't Care Cuss.
"CozlI don't care a cuss."
"Seeiahere. old man. amt you the
Iandloa 2"
IT re3kon mebbe am"
we then, Ia like to have you tell
me villas running this tavern"
The old man raised his head, gave
the SlIAIlEtT d iOOh tHdt iSoh
creep. and said:
Well. sometimes the niggers runs It:
sometimes the old woman gives ii a
whirl; Sometimes the cussed thing sort
err wobbles along for itself, and then
agin sometimes l give 1t hist myself.
and every once and awhile some Ian
tern jawed, knock-kneed son of a tiger
like you comes along and wants to try
his hand at making it spin, but about
the time he gets to shootin' his mouth
too free he takes a notion to go out to
the horse trough and soak his head,
and after that he's alluz meek enough
to mind his own business for spell.
What i'm the name of Tom Scott do you
want, anyhow? Can't you keep your
coat on till strike the end of this yere
piece? / want to find out what the
blazes they're going to do with that
old pirate I've been worryin' about for
the last two months. now that they've
ketched him at last. You're not ridin
on the keers now. so what's the use of
bein in a sweat"
Just then a darkey stepped into the
back yard and began pounding a joint
of a stove pipe with a broken broom
handle.
Does that mean breakfast? In
quired the stranger in humble voice.
IT shouldn't wonder a burned Bit" re-
turned the landlord as he plunged into
his paper.
His Wife's Age.
The last census OF the United States
developed many amusing incidents. One
of the agents in Detroit made a report
In which he embodied an interview with
a man on Fort street, who answered all
questions promptly until the age of his
~
cant TELL" responded the husband.
Cant tell?" echoed the questioner.
why? Don't you know 81
"Of course do
Then you must tell me. The law
says you must"
"The law? What law"
1.-THE law of the state"
What will they do with me II don
tell?"
Put you in Jail for contempt"
"All right; put me In jail"
"Why, man." exclaimed the aston
ished official. you won't go to Jail and
suffer rather than tell your wife's age.