The times., 1898-09-04
S0U4HERNERS UP NORTH
The Many Social Customs That
Surprise Them.
THE RUNAWAY FUNERALS
A Southern Ludy in New York Pux-
xIed by Limited InvitatioDs-aIso
by the Practice of Exchanging
Presents-No End to the Differ
ences Noted by Southern People.


impress themselves strongly on the
Southerner who comes TO New York to
live. and they seem always to be some
thing more than the result of the ways
of metropolis as compared with those
of city only a fraction as big. The I
Southerners who come here to find the |
distinctive characteristics of New York |
life not in changing cable cars nor in
towering skyscrapers. The lavish evil
dences of wealth and all the good that
it can accomplish are always interest
ing TO them. and they appreciate the |
advantages of the libraries and art gall
leries, the delights of the theaters and
the opera, and the best elements of
metropolitan life. But if they really
feel as some of them have said they do.
the genuine differences lie deeper than
the contrast of all these externals with
the features of smaller towns. To the
superficial differences Southerners say
they can become accustomed. Ii is only
the opposite elements of character TO
which they are sometimes unable to
reconcile themselves after years of res
idence here. and this applies not only
to New York. but also 10 any city where
the influences are wholly Northern.
IF anybody should ask me in what
the greatest difference lay between the
habits. maybe / should say between the
characters. too of the people of the
North and the South. ! would unhesitat-
ingly say that it was their treatment of
DEATH. said a SOutherner. With us in
the South death is an awful. solemn
grief that shuts US out as completely
from the world as If the black veil ac-
tualy did fall between IL and US. Here
death is only or seems 10 me TO be
only a dreadful incident of life. Nothing
in my life ever gave me greater shock
than the first funeral procession / ever
saw in New York. The horses were trot-
ting along ar a lively rate with the
hearse moving nearly as rapidly. / had
never before seen a funeral move at any
gait more rapid than walk. and l felt
as if | ought 10 tell the drivers to go
more slowly. that what they were do
ing was a sacrilege. But / soon be-
came accustomed to seeing funerals
moving at that rate of speed. and the
smiling faces of many persons VINO sat
in the carriages told me that probably
the monotony of riding slowly would
have proved tiresome 10 them. The sight
of these rows of carriages travelling rap
idly through the streets gave me a pang
of inconsistencies when / thought of the
slow. solemn professions of the dead
that were "reminiscences of my old home
And that was not country town. but u
city Of several hundred thousand inhab-
itants There is. of course. not the same
rush and hurry and scramble that exists
here. but while my home city has ae-
uyity and enterprise, there is plenty OF
time we'll to bury the dead with all
the solemnity and respect that dignity
can give. / believe that the size of the
town has very little to do with it. The
carriages would have time enough TO go
slowly here if death meant the same 10
the people who sat in them
Doubtless New York people greve for
their dead just as much. But the dry
eye, the composed manner. the placid
voice-they are not found among US
Mere expression of emotion does not. OF
course, indicate the depth Still waters
have always run deep. But this very
compOsure means that the feeling is diff
ferent. The idea of the thing is not the
same; the grief, the depth OF sorrow that
/ accompany death with US seem to be
unknown in the North. The promptness
with which the old ways of life are TAX
en- up again. the return TO pleasures the
quick recovery-ail of these things he-D
TO mark the difference to me between the /
way in which Southerners and the people
of New York look at such things In
nearly every outward aspect the appear
ance of death here will be appropriate
enough. far more so probably than could
be found in the South. The mourning.
for instance. will be promptly and amply
supplied. Such details are ever overlook
ed here.
To differences in smaller matters one
can become reconciled more easily. The
business-like way in which hospitality
| is distributed here is something that l
never mind now. because know that il
means no necessary limitation on it. The
first invitation that | got to go out of
town and spend from Friday until Tues
day L promptly refused. because | felt
| that il was reflection on my dignity
to be asked to leave on a certain day
Out of preference / should have come
away on that day. But il seemed to me
| too marked a limitation on hospitaIity
TO suggest that my welcome would be
worn out on that day. This | regretted
| Immediately afterward. My husband
said | was goose. explained that the
majority of invitations | would get in the
North would be framed in that way. and
! told me that unless 1 expected 10 give
up all hope of visiting anybody It would
be best for me to change, my feelings on
| that subject The truth of what he said
/ became clear soon after that and | have
never minded since how sharply the linn
| It's OF an engagement were made / was
| told. of course. that this plan was made
| necessary for people who had limited
room and wanted to invite many friends
| 10 visit them. 1t was necessary to state
the limitation of the engagement in or
der that there might be chance for ev-
| erYDOdV. That * all hftF ?
| does not make the specifications the least
bit necessary. We have small houses in
| the South and We entertain our friends.
But we do not suggest to them when
| TO go home. We rely on their good
\ breeding. tact and perception in social
! matters to realize when they feel that
| the time has come for them to bring
| their visits to an end. And / do not
| believe that we are often disappointed
for relying on those qualities. either.
"One Christmas, or rather a few days
| afterward, l was at the house of a New
| York woman who was very agreeable
| amiable and well bred. On table near
| her was beautiful piece of blue and
| white porcelain. / admired it and asked
| if it were Christmas gift
oh. yesr she said, that came from
| the Blanks. We have exchanged presents
| every Christmas for years
Exchanged presents, What way TO
put it. What Southerner man or woman
would ever refer to giving or receiving
presents as exchanging them? That
| shows one of the great differences. An
| act of generous courtesy. following a Gus
| tom that ought to be one of the most
| sincerely natural and spontaneous of the
| whole year is-an exchange! We give
| presents at Christmas in the South be-
cause We like the persons we give them