davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
NOT IN VHEIR LINE.

talking about railroad accidents, ,
said the lame man as he rubbed away
at his knee, II have been railroading fol-
IS years and have had few close calls
in that time
And the rear car is always the safest
one on a train, isn't it?" asked one OF
the group.
That's question. Five times in my
life I've been in the rear car when all
! the rest of the train was derailed ana!
piled up. and we hardly felt a jar. On
seven or eight other occasions it has
been the rear car which dropped
through bridge or went off the rails
If Providence has anything to do with
it, as some argue, it seems to divide
the thing up even. No, couldn't say
that any particular car was the
safest"
"A railroad man is pretty certain to
served.
"Oh, of course! I've known a man
killed the first day he begun business
and then again I've known 'em to pull
through for 20 years and not get a
scratch. An accident is sure to come
at last, however"
"As in ,'our case"
"As in my case, sir. I was conductor
for IA years and never got scratch.
Then this thing happened. and I shall!
be lame for life. 1t is no particular
consolation. of course, but nearly 81
people were killed at the time of the
accident"
Being pressed for particulars he
elevated his lame leg to the seat op-
posite, and said:
'We were running out of Chicago in
the darkest kind of night. and for the
first hour we lost time. Then we
reached a prairie level. and the en-
gineer gave her extra steam to make
up. We were running fully so miles
an hour when we struck horse on the
track He wasn't thrown off by thu
cow-catcher, but rolled under the
trucks and threw every coach off the
track. 1t was big smash-up. with
20 people killed and ever so many
wounded"
And ID, you were caught in the
wreck?"
"Oh. no! No. I went over with the
smoker, but didn't get scratch"
''But you are lame" persisted tn
questioner.
Eyes. know. got my hip broken
| but it wasn't in the wreck. Lots 81
killed and injured. but escaped"
| "But-but-"
ut was this way, sir. I had got OUT
of the wreck and started for the near
est farmhouse, to ask the owner VIII,
in thunder he didn't keep his old hors.
tied up in the barn. when I fell into 6
ditch and was famed for life! No.
wasn't hurt in the wreck. Railroad
men hardly ever get hurt on the road
They fall over fences, get hit by cable
cars, tumble downstairs or cut them
selves while splitting wood"
Then you didn't find the farmer?'
was sarcastically queried.
"No-never found him; and to thi;
day I can't tell you even the color o.
that old horse!"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Some English EmiErants.

Up till now, if the inhabitant o. a
Norfolk village emigrates, it is gen.
orally to America, says writer in
Longman's Magazine, and very often he
does no, like America when he gets
there. I remember a blacksmith with
whom l was we'll acquainted going
there, bit in couple of years or 81 he
was to be seen working at the old forge
in his native village. asked him why
he had come back and he told me that
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
The White Man in the Tronic

Tne "nlte hAun IN the TFODiC1.
The attempt to acclimatize the white
man in the tropics must be recognized
to be blunder of the first magnitude.
All experiments based upon the idea
are mere idle and empty enterprises
foredoomed to failure. Excepting only
the deportation of the African races un-
der the situation of slavery, probably
no other idea which has held the mind
of our civilization during the last 300
years has led to so much physical and
moral suffering and degradation or has
strewn the world with the wrecks of
so many gigantic enterprises. In the
tropics white man lives and works
only as a diver lives and works under
water. Alike in a moral, in an ethical
and in political sense. the atmosphere
he breathes must be that of another
region, that which produced him, and
to which he belongs. Neither physical
ly, morally nor politically can he be ac-
climated in the tropics.-Benjamin S.
Kidd. .
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
An Enslishvvoman,s Benefaetten.

A noted Englishwoman has recently
formed cycle club of workingwemen
whose only leisure day, Sunday, was
formerly spent walking about the
street in search of amusement, or la
1nenting over their hard lot at home.
Now their holidays are spent out in the
pure air away from smoky London,
reading the messages of nature. from
Highways and hedges. Their dull.
drudging lives are vastly frightened
and their hearts made lighter by a
glimpse of beautiful life hitherto un-
known to them.-Youth's Companion.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Had Just Been ..AdvertiseA,

= =
Il A small boy not many miles from Chi
cago was baptized into one Of the Prot
estant churches Of the city. He was in
tensely interested in the ceremonies at
tending the sacrament and watched
every detail with eagerness and appre-
citation. He noted the attire ed the cler-
gyman and the reposes Of his godfather
and godmotheT. When he could he an
swered the questions asked himself and
when the minister addressed his spon-
sors he nodded his head in conformity
with their replies. When the ceremony
was concluded he was eagerly anxious
to get home to his mother to impart his
exciting experiences of the morning.
He rushed upstairs On reaching the
house and burst in upon his mother
hreathlessly. "Oh, mamma. mammal
lie exclaimed, joyously, Il belong t.
God now I've just been advertised. -
sC1ieaxo Times Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Carefully Considered.

"What," inquired the psychological
student, do you regard as the chief
end of man?"
WELL" answered Mr.. Blykins, lit
depends on what you want the man
for. If you want him to do brain
work it's his head, and if you want him
to run errands it's his feet."-Wash-
ington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15

he earned plenty of money out there,
but he didn't like it," When WAS in
New York a tailor came to see me who
had been an apprentice here in Bungay.
He told me the same story. Plenty of
money, especially at times, but he
.'meaut tc get back as soon as he could"
Also / had a 'conversation with an Eng
lish coachman whose tale was much
the same. His wages were large. but
there weren't no society for such as
him." IN the states they were all gents
or niggers."
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
A Wise Man.

Don't you think that fellow who
broke his engagement because the girl
went to the jeweler and inquired the
price of the ring little sensitiye?''
II think he was wise. A woman like
that would be wanting her husband to
keep an account of his private ex-
penses. indianapolis Journal,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
An Acquired Talent,

MA. Mr.. Boxer was speakin' about
pas gettin' medal for the way he
fought at Santiago, an he said pa
wasn't natural born fighter"
What else did he say?'
He said pa acquired it all since hi
was married."
"Well, you just run right over to Mr.
Boxers and tell him l want to see hin
as quick as he can get here" -Cleve
land Leader.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
HIS WIFE WAS PECULIAR.

Just at nightfall the colonel came
along to pioneers dugout on the wide
prairie, with the pioneer himself sit.
ting by the roadside with pipe in his
mouth, and after the usual salutations
the colonel asked if he could be lodged
for the night.
wall. that depends on my wife, "
was the reply. Pm fur takin' in every
body who comes along, but she's ray
Their pertickler. Ar you a married
MANI"
II am" replied the traveller.
'"That's bad, to begin with. We've
got gal 20 vars old, and my wife is
lookin' fur somebody to come along
and marry her. Ar you the gunner OF
the state or any other big man?"
No. sir; l am only a humble citizen
Then your humblcness will be bad
tur you. The old woman would be
proud to hev big man stop with U.S.
wouldn't care to make a fuss over a
humble man. Got some sort O. religun,
Is'pose?"
mo, haven't" replied the colonel.
Then that's more agin We. The old
woman's got three different kinds, and
If you don't belong to one of 'em she'd
tell you TO walk on. Kin you play on
a mouth organ or sing?"
I'm afraid not"
That's too bad. The old woman
dotes on mouth-organ, and she goes
around singin' from mornin' till night
Id like to obleege you, stranger, but
know how peculiar the old woman is
Hev you ever bin in Yurup?"
II never have" sighed the colonel,
As he remembered that it was four
miles to the next shanty.
That's wuss and wuss," said the
man as his face expressed real anxiety.
1.-The old woman is dead crazy about
Yurup, and she'd be sure to ask you
lot of questions. If you was purity
good liar, now, you might make her
think you had bin in Yurup."
I'll don't think I'd like to lie
about it,"
"Wall. jest as you please. but want
you to see that I'm willin' to obleege
you. What's yer politics?"
I'm a republican"
= "Woosh!" exclaimed the settler.
That settles you fur good and all!
The old woman is democrat from
1 head to heel and sorter runs this hull
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Enxland,s Royal Parrot.

Ducky, the royal parrot Of England,
presented to the king in 1900 by Pitt.
Gied recently at the age Of 1874. The
deceased bird was an accomplished
ticker and was banished from the
&C urt for a time in 1850 because Of its
powers of mimicry and the frightful
statements 1t did not hesitate to make
even in the presence Of royalty-Chir
cugo Chronicle.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Wire I'm Window GLASS,

Wire-rolled glass is one OF the. most
recent inventions. The glass, which is
exactly one-quarter of an inch thick,
contains in the center wire netting,
the meshes Of which are trife less
than one inch in diameter. Conseqlent-
II the wire does not obscure the light,
and wire-rolled glass, it is said, win re-
s;st fire for as long time as an equal
thickness Of iron.-lewa State Register.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Premonitory SYMPTOM.

Gertie-Papa. will our new mamma
go mad after awhile?~
Father-What a question! Why d.
you think such thing?
Gertie-Well. I heard her tell the cook
yesterday that she got badly bitten
when she married you!-Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Rar Worse,

Straightforward in trouble. My land
lady told me I'd have to settle up or
leave.
Giggleton-Why, you're in luck, old
fellow. I'm in a worse fix than that.
My landlady told me I'd have to settle
up before could leave.-Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
LOUIS PHILIPPE IN EXILE.
When a Poor Duke He Wanted t.
Marry an American Girl, But
Her Father Objected.

A merchant prince was great man in
cid Philadelphia-a far greater man
than the master of little school, even
though it were the most select in the
city-even though the teacher were an
eNiled French gentleman of royal blood.
duke of Orleans then, King Louis
Philippe in after years.
The story of how, the princely school
master courted the charming Abigail,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
Lesser Evil.

Billy understand you've bought q
dog to keep burglars away.
Freddy-Yes.
Billy-You are not troubled any more
ut night. then, suppose? -
Freddy-only by the dog-Boston
Traveller. .fs, 1a ~ @
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
"A Fatal Day

u, It IL said that Saturday has been a
fatal day to the royal family of Eng
land for the last 1s5 years. Will
liam III, Queen Anne, George l.,
George H., George III, George w., the
duchess of Kent. the prince consort, the
duke of Clarence, the duke of Albany
and Princess Alice all died on that day.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15
THE COLONEL SPOKE.

Col. Hastings had advertised the fact
That he was going down into Iroquois
county. the stronghold of Judge
Barnes. his rival for the state senate,
to make campaign speech. Three or
four days before the proposed meeting
he was waited upon by delegation
OF Barnes men, and the leader said:
"kurnel Hastings, I'm a truthful
man, and though l don't want to hurt
yer feelin's, l must tell we that not a
man in old 1roquois will vote fur ye."
I'm not asking anyone to-" replied
the colonel.
But We ar comm down to make a
speech"
"Yes, I'm going to do that 1t has
been said that I'm afraid to do it, so
I've got to let people know to the con-
trary."
"Kurnel, the boys ar a purity hard lot
down thar" said the spokesman, with
solemn shake of the head.
Eyes, know they are"
I'm afraid they'll boot ye down."
''They will get tired of hooting after
awhile" said the colonel
IF they find that hootin' won't do
they'll begin to throw eggs and things.
They've bin savin' up eggs fur the last
ten days."
$50 hear, but I shall appear on the
platform just the same"
"Kurnel," said the spokesman, as he
grew more earnest, ''our boys ar bad
lot. They don't want you, and if eggs
won't keep you off they'll try clubs and
stones. I've heard some of 'em say
they'd even hang you to a limb"
Eyes, I've heard So" quietly replied
the colonel, "but you go back and tell
them that l shall speak as advertised"
The delegation departed, each man
looking upon the colonel as one stand
ing upon the threshold of death; and
when they got home and reported his
words, there was great indignation and
Il general determination to bring low
his head in sorrow. When the adver-
tised day came around there were 400
Barnes men on the ground preparing
for business. AS they waited for the
enemy to appear he came along the
highway from Anderson. Behind him
came portable boiler provided with a
fog-horn. Following that was four
horse wagon loaded with brickba
and 20 men to throw them. Just in
the rear was second boiler on wheels,
with hose to throw hot water. Then
there was a cart full of ax-helves, base
oall bats and pick-ax handles, accom-
banned by Is men. Bringing up the
real' was wagon holding two doc
tors, an undertaken and ten collins.
All the men and vehicles closed around
the open-air platform, and Col. Hast
ings mounted the steps and looked
around and said:
"Gentlemen of lroquois County: |
am here to-day to speak on the issues
Of this campaign. Here is a foghorn
which can be heard nine miles. If you
want to try to outhoot it go ahead.
Here are hot water. brickbats, collins,
doctors and an undertaken. If you
need them they are yours. Has any
one anything to say?"
No man had word in reply until
he had spoken for two hours and fin
ished. Then the leader of the Barnes
faction raised his voice and asked:
"Kurnel Hastings, will We take q
bluff"
Never, sir!" was the reply.
Twill we take the senatorship?"
IL will
Then ye shall hev it by thousand
majority. and anything else old lro
quois kin give We, fur what we love
above all things on airth is critte1
with sand!"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15

Teeth Extracted IN an Indictment.
The manager of a London music hall
announces that anyone who purchases
ticket for the performance may have
his or her teeth extracted for nothing.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-12-15


while
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-03-22
Not Tall Enough.

Just at the time when vague reports were beginning to creep abroad that Germany was meditating fresh exten- sion of her frontier at the expense of Holland Dutch official of high rank happened to be visiting the court of Berlin, and among other spectacles got up to amuse him review was organized at Potsdam.
 "What does your exoellency think of our soldiers?" asked Prince Bismarck as one of the regiments came marching past in admirable order.
 "They look as if they knew how to fight, replied the visitor gravely, but they are not quite tall enough. :"
 The prince looked rather surprised, but made no answer, and several other regiments filed past ill succession, but the Dutchman's verdict upon each was still the same, Mot tall enough. "
 At length the grenadiers of the guard made their appearance-a magnificent body of veterans, big and stalwart enough to have satisfied even tho giant loving father of Frederick the Great, but the memorable critic merely said, "Fine soldiers, but not tall enough. '
 Then Prince Bismarck rejoined !; "These grenadiers are the finest men in our whole army. May ask what your excellency is pleased to mean by saying that they are not tall enough?"
 The Dutchman looked him full in the face and replied, with significant em- phasis. "I mean that we can flood our country l2 feet deep. "-London Tit Bits.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-03-22
MACCABEEs.
Ritualistic Work Should Be Properly
 Presented-Tents and Hives.

Ritualistic Work Should Be Properly
 Presented-Tents and Hives.
 The Maccabees have ritual that any member can boast of, and the enthusiasm with which it has been received in all parts of the country is proof conclusive that it is thoroughly appreciated-when properly exemplified by a well drilled team-by the most competent ritualistic critics. No tent within the entire juris- diction should be without a team and the necessary paraphernalia for conferring the degrees.
 The Knights of the Maccabees have in creased their membership more than two fold since their organization in Johns town, N. Y, less than year ago.
 Reports from Manitoba show that tents are springing up all over the province
 Duluth's "Maecabee Bill' has returned from his summer vacation and has again started on his persistent round of Macca- bee making.
 Ontario tents report d more hopeful out look than at any time in the past few years. and from present indications On tario will take good move forward dur. ing the next year.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-03-22
UNITED WORKMEN.
Success Will Not Como Itself-Notes From
 Various JurIsdictions.


 Various Jurisdictions.
 The jurisdictions that adopt the new assessment plan with any kind of an idea that it will work itself" will make mis- take. It will take work to make the or der grow with any kind of plan. So if you like the old plan best don't sit down and wait until the order gets into the "rocky road for want of work. Or if you adopt the new plan, do not conclude that all your troubles are over, and no more work is needed. Work is the key stone to success under any plan.-Kansas Workman.
 The laws of the order require that the beneficiary certificate of member must be made payable to a member of his fami- ly, or q blood relative, or some one depend ent on him.
 Delaware made a gain of 40 members last year.
 Michigan dropped e,o68 members last year as a result of the 'classifled" fight California, under the classified plan, broke all her former records with an in- crease of 3, 421 members the result of lib eral outlay and active work.
 Missouri lost 2, 305 members last year, while Minnesota hustled and gained S79. Oregon, through unwise agitation, re- duced her roster by SIS members. South Dakota had net gain of 9S8.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-03-22
ENGLAND WANTED WAR.
Held Back From Fighting France In 1898
 by the German Emperor.

by the German Emperor.
 The Gaulois, in Paris, recently re- lated in considerable detail that during the Siamese imbroglio of 1893 England was on the verge of declaring war against France. The power that opposed the war most vigorously was Germany. In fact, said the Gaulois, the war was prevented by the German emperor.
 ''At that time, said the Gaulois, Emperor William was at Cowes with his yacht He had won a regatta prize from Lord Dunraven $ Valkyrie and the Prince of Wales Britannia. He appear ed, literally as well as fguratively, to swim in English waters. It was as he sat at dinner in the house of the Royal Yacht squadron that he received from Count Hatzfeldt the news that the Eng fish government intended to declare war against France. The emperor rose from the table, laid aside his napkin and sent a dispatch empowering his embassador in London to protest against Lord Rose bery's programme. Moreover, he be- took himself at once to Osborne House to announce to his grandmother that he never could approve such course as re- gards Siam.
 Sometimes Paris newspapers publish articles on European politics that lack all foundation in fact, and the amazing story told by the Gaulois might have been dismissed as one of them had 1t not been confirmed at once by the Koel- nisehe Zeitung, probably the most trust- worthy journal on the European conti- nent. The Koelnisehe Zeitung's Paris correspondent was at Cowes with the emperor ill 1893. As soon as the Gau- lois had made its statement he corrobo- rated it. Among tbe influential English men at Cowes, he said, it was then common talk that the German emperor was England's ally against Siam and France. Lord Dufferin, then English ambassador in Paris, had come to Cowes to conclude the negotiations for an alli- ance, but had been met with the emper- or's blunt refusal to take the active part that England wished to assign him. The Koelnisehe Zeitung's correspondent as- serts that the correctness of this state ment is absolute and beyond question among the initiated who were at Cowes during the German emperor's sojourn there.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-03-22

judges in our city courts, and the Attorney. General of this State, State,
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1898-03-22
A Long Sentence.

Willistop Palmer is the name of a white man against whom there are sen- tences of 209 years in the Georgia peni- tentiary. Palmer was originally sent uP for 1 years from south Georgia for bur- glary. Shortly afterward, while work
 ing in the mines of Dade county, he att tempted. with other convicts, to escape. and in the melee that followed he killed two of the guards. He was tried some time ago for the killing of the first guard and got 99 years. He was then put on trial for the killing of the othex man and got y9 years more. --ExchanGa-