Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1898-06-15
A Letter FROM THE
CITY BY THE SEA.
The Advent Of Sehlattsr the "DiYine
Healer"
The POLITICIANS apply 10 HII FOR RELIEF
OUR PROMINENT oFFIcE-HoLDERs PoLITI-
CALLY REGENERATED AND INsTANTANE-
OUsLY CURED OF A MALIGNANT DESIRE TO
HOLD OFFICE.

When Francis Schlatter, the "Divine
Healer" came to town and took up his
temporary abode on John Young's Pier
he little dreamed of the additional fame
that he would acquire while in this
gOodly land. The country is familiar,
through the newspapers and the facile
tongue of his manager, of the wonderful
cures performed in the far west and other
out-ofthe-way places, but the cures that
he has performed right here, under our
very noses, are more wonderful than any
previously reported. They have not
been confined to the tortures of gOut and
rheumatism, the miseries of dyspepsia.
the indescribable cussedness of a con-
trary liver. or the agoniss of plain belly
ache. On the contrary Schlatter has
extended his field of operations to politi-
cal invalids-of which this city has its
full quota-and hereafter will instan-
taneOusly cure them of their troubles.
One evening last week q lot of them
assembled In the vestry of an establish
ment where wet goods are handed out.
recounted their past services and future
expectations, told how their old rheu-
matte bones ached for their country, and
concluded to have Schlatter diagnose
their case and apply his "cure." After
opening bottle of mucilage to get their
courage up to the sticking point, they
all headed for the big Pier and asked
Schlatter's agent if they could be treated
at once. The agent did not know who
they were, at first, and after finding out
did not seem to be very much awe
stricken in the presence of SO much great
ness. Levi Albertson acted as spokes-
man and explained the situation. He
told Schlatter's agent that they were all
suffering from the same complaint-and
as too many of them had it they had all
agreed to submit to treatment. "What
is the disease you are suffering from" I"
said the agent with the inflammable
hair. 'Well," said Levi, Eve have all
had an Unsuitable desire to hold office
and we want to get rid of it. We want
our systems so thoroughly purged of all
such feeling that we could decline a ten
thousand dollar office and kick the man
who offered it to US. | have had little
touch of the disease myself, but "Mike"
Devine has helped me wonderfully, and l
think that three years more of his pre-
scriptiOns and treatment will knock
pretty much all of it out of me-and l
want to add that [ should like to knock
the stuffing out of an administration
that will permit him to warm a chair
that of right and equity belongs to mt" :"
"Are any OF you suffering from any
other diseases, Mr.. Albertson ?" said the
gentlemanly agent.
"No, nothing to speak Of" said Levi.
Hoffman at one time had some trouble
with his throat caused by too much
speaking on the stump to explain his
vote on the race-track bill. The doctor
who first diagnosed it said he feared
there were indications of laryngo-
tracheal neoplamus, and thought he
detected signs of granular hyperplasia,
but it was only papillomatous tissue,
and when he examined it microscopically
he found it was nothing but a few partly
NJ crotic papillomatous nOdules cut
across the epithelium. l thought that
was what allied him, myself, but didn't
want him to take any chances, SO | had
Ed. Lee look him over as medical ex-
pert. Ed. thought he detected a growth
in the interarytenoid space and said the
miscrocope would show evidences OF
papillary bypertropby caused by con-
sOlidation of the right apex of the star
board lung. He said he could prove
this by the characteristic granulation OF
tissue between the arytenoid cartIlages,
which indicated an isolated and indc-
pendent tuberculous infiltration which
should be clearly differentiated from
ordinary infiltration even though his
tologically tuberculous tissue might be
found under the epithelium. This seemed
entirely reasonable, 30 told Ed. that be
was probably right about it, and we
soon brought our patient around again,
on an even ke, |, after rubbing him with
boroglyceride, and warming his interior
with q drachm of oxalate of cerium
You will observe that have used only
plain simple language in describing the
case, for / dislike the medical nomen
clature that only cOnfuses ideas and has
q tendency to obfusticate the intellect
always prefer to use words that every.
body can understand"
"Yes, it's all plain to us, now," said
the agent, and then he proceeded to
march the delegation up in front of the
"Divine Healer"
"When hear anybody talk of sheelers,
it makes me feel at home," said one o
them.
"Sh-h-h- keep quiet, you fabber'
gasted old fool," said George Long
"Thid amt the kind of 'heeler' that you
mean, that divides a percentage on jobs
but Mr.. Schlatter is real Healer that
is going to rip all the cussedness right
out of US, and cure us of everything We
ought to be cured Of" Upon this the
"heeler" of the old kind subsided and the
new one commenced his marvellous
manipulations. One after another o1
them marched upon the platform and
passed in front of Schlatter who silently
| grabbed them and evidently realized the
magnitude of the task he had in hand
He seemed to be under great stress 0i
weather for awhile, and he trembled as il
shaken by some unseen power. 1t took
him about four times as long as the time
| he usually devotes to his patients, but ht
| finished the job in triumph, and now il
can be proclaimed from the Atlantic to
/ the Pacific, and from the Canada border
| to the Gulf that q lot of Atlantic City
politicians have been cured of the desirt
| to hold Office. 1t is the greatest of al
of Schlatter's cures, and he 80 regards it
When the regenerated ones came off th'
stage on the other side and stepped
down upon the main floor and compared
notes they were the happiest set of mel
ever seen. II wouldn't have believed it
said Congressman Gardner" Here
have been in Office all my life and wa
hankering for more-but now I'm cured
I'll resign my seat in Congress before
return to Washington, if | don't forge
to, and I'll 60 home and wheel grave
for the .Terrapin Road the: balance 9
my life" :.
Senator Holman threw up his ba