The age-herald., 1898-01-27
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Things Heard s Seen
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tached to the man who is unable to spell
 the simple words of the English language
 correctly. and yet wants to occupy a high
 and responsible position" said the gentle | man who walks about town taking cogni-
 zance of about everything that goes "In nine cases out of ten," continued the
 gentleman, 'the matters have to get out
 an expanded pattern to fit that part of his | anatomy which the Lord said woman
 should have hair as covering. There is
 another indication of this kind of fellow. F He is thin-skinned and he can't stand crit
 icism after he has placed himself in the
 position of public target. This man never
 fails to back himself into buzz-saw while
 trying to escape caterpillar in the shape | of what he dubs his self-respect. I have
 in mind a gentleman who backed himself | into the sickle bar of a moving machine
 while walking back from a measley hay
 rake, which he told me afterwards was his
 honesty and prce. And the funny part 1 of it was, the man rushed into print about i what he considered unpardonable sin. | That is-his name followed by the words 1 naming his official position went into | print. have been positively informed that | he did not write the matter which was | printed over his own name. The attempt l at rebuttal resulted so disaStrousy that | the real author for some reason will not | daddy the offspring of his genius. l The poor little thing was put out in the | street to wither and die like rose without | poppy I don't take it from hearsay, | for I know this man can't spell Memphis. | he can't even spell acquisition. The way l he writes the simple word coffee looks just | like Chinese laundry ticket. You could l take ten pages of his writing-put 1t into | the hands of a comedian, and he could | keep an audience roaring for two hours. | l respect ignorance, and know it is char | acter that makes a man, but conceit and | ignorance together-well, through pity I ] spoke to -, but will not divulge his | name-about it. Said I, You have just put :! yourself in a position to have more h-l | jerked out of you than it would take to l cremate Butcher Weyler, or Bob Inger- | soll Evidently still exulting over what he l conceived to be stroke of smartness he | said to me that he was not fool, and he | was an honest man. He could put his | ideas on paper with the best of 'em. | Now said I to him, when you get up in l the morning to take bath, don't sit down | in tub of scalding water, but cool it off ! first"
 "where ignorance is bliss tis folly to be wise." An awfuly abused quotation. | When the amorous youth to his sweetheart can think of nothing else to repeat he blurts out the old truism. And it is called l into requistion along with Banquo's ghost | by every card writer to the newspapers. l "But know of an incident" said the man | with vein of humor in his makeup. | sswhere the old ada was verified in q way out of the ordinary.
 l q was standing in Second avenue l where the couchee-couchee dancers go | through their vulgar evolutions to the l delight of mans lasciviousness. The spieler | on the outside In fackneyed voice yelled l come right inside-the greatest show on l the American continent. See the ferocious | man-eating lion, the troupe of educated dogs, the pony that possesses more intslli- gence than man. We have reduced the price to a dime-10 cents show now going on-get your tickets and walk right in side'
 "The crowd in range of his voice con- taned various characters. There a countryman with coat that had turned green in service. Crouching close to him | and shivering every time the man-eating l lion was mentioned, was his wife Sallie, l dressed in gingham frock, while the rafn | fell in drizzles and the atmosphere conn., | peled the average man to hunt fire. The l ruralite went down in his pocket, fished up 1 two 1O-cent pieces and the pair marched | in while the one-man band, which is noth- l ing more than lot of horns for show | with a negro standing behind turning a l crank and making the place hideous with
 a voice resembling a tune about like an xxyifI hat 1 of an opera singer. As the animal show l progressed the country couple were evil | dently tickled When it ended a second | spieler made his appearance the stags l followed by several women who had evil l dently ordered red paint by the bucket and l could keep one factory in operation the | year round They had on boomers and of form they had pienty and to spare from I the ground up.
 "'We introduce to you the gaiety girls 1 said the spieler they will amuse you in the l theaIter in the rear. tell you, boys, they | are hot stuff. You can roll the entire wear l ing apparel of these ladies in small bum l dle and put it in your vest pocket Como l in and have a good time. We don't want | any Sunday school teachers, don't tell your | wife about it and you will be all right. l Only a dime-10 cents-geit your tickets! l There was "a boisterous laugh and a rush l for the entrance way. The country couple l looked at each other and joend in tho rush. Not much preliminary, and the | couchee-couchee began. Not a word was | uttered by the pair while the dance went l on. When it was finished the man looked puzzled, as he said:
 1 "'Salhe, them warTnen 'peared to me as l tho a flea was bitin thar stomachs, and | yer legs would beat liners all to smash. l Ther legs is too much like fence posts. '"Hhey went out, mounted an OK wagon and the bruItes plodded on. Where | ignorance is bliss 'tis folly to be wise. well-known sadoonkeeper of this city, | in discussing trade conditions few days ago, declared that the drink trade had dropped off from one-third to one-half dur }