The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1898-10-09
FOR FEMININE READERS
TO RECEIVE ADVICE WITHOUT Of
TENSE A TEST OF FRIENDSHIP.
How 10 Organize a Literary CIub-Ac-
qnirements That a Debutante
Ought to Have, but seldom Does.

Rare indeed is that friendship which can
give or receive advice contrary to our own
predictions, says a writer in the New
York Evening Post. How often do we hear
people say that they think this or that is
doing a serious injury to one they love, and
yet feel afraid to say so to the person most
in danger, How rarely do we meet man or
woman who gladly receives any word Of
disapprobaton of what they have planned
or arranged.
He who has reached that place from
which he can find it possible to say to US
lovingly and without dogmatism that we
are wrong, and without irritation or argu-
ment calmly discuss the pros and cons of a
doubtful step, has come very near a right
to be called "a perfect man." and he who
has attained that beatific condition in which
this advice and suggestion are welcomed
and listened to with rational and grateful
respect has to fear nothing from the at
tacks of evil spirit incarnate or immaterial
If ever we find sure test of the depth and
strength of the bond of friendship, this
surely should be it's basis: "Can bear that
my friend should tell me 1 was wrong?'
Yet what could be a more natural and vital
outcome of strong and loving regard than
the suggestion of coming danger to those
who are threatened? Let two friends pass
through this experience together and re-
main unruf1ed, and they need never fear
other rupture of their uniting love.
Especially do women lack the gift of
bearing what they only too ready to
call interference" That they are overin-
dulgent to their children. mistaken in
their discipline or regimen; that they even
fail to have chosen the most becoming
dress for their daughter or the best school
for their makes them not unhappy, but
angry and indignant. The merest intima-
ton that some change might benefit the de-
velopment of a child or that he has a
fault. will often obliterate the remembrance
of years of steadfast kindness and end a
friendship of great value.
Although when we talk of this peculiar
expression of human nature it sounds exag-
gerated and in way incredible, it is of
such easy proof and so daily in evidence
that there is no gainSaying it. What we
desire of our friends is that they should
always agree with us, constantly approve
and admire u.s. and let us adhere to our
worst follies without remonstrance.
It seems possible that if we looked the
matter "squarely>in the face and weighed
the value properly of diSinterested, af-
fectlonate opinion, when given by those we
value most highly we might lift friend
ships above the common level of pleasant
companionship into q helpful partnership.
We would then willingly exchange the
charms of "a mutual admiration society"
for a comradeship which combined with Us
results than the plunge into crevaSse or
the crushing blow of an avalanche.
A dangerous phase of very close feminine
friendships develops when condolences are
disoyal to the master of the house. Let us
discuss our own fobles our own mistakes,
share our hopes, our ambitions, our inter-
ests, our amusements, but let us shield our
husbands from discussion. If our friend con-
fdes our revealings to her spouse, as alas,
friends WILL we cannot complain; we ran
the risk voluntarily and of our own free
will; but for him whom we are bound to
honor and obey. let take care that we
do him no harm in our search for sym
pathy and eager craving for recognition
and comprehension.
Let the deepest confidence, the most I'M
guarded trust about ourselves, cement our
friendships but let our husbands lives be
sheltered from any scrutiny they do not
themselves invite. What exaSperated us
this morning, while smarting under disap-
pointment or rritated by contradiction,
ror when talked of in the heat of wounded
feeling; by next week we will see that rea-
son or necessity ruled the adverse action,
and that we have robbed him we love best
of a friend by giving an impression we cam
not afterwards eradicate
And if our friendships are to be precious,
let them be invioable Let us beware of
trusts. There is no excuse for telling other
peoples secrets to our husbands or wives
simply because we enjoy sharing our
thoughts and rousing their interests. That
which a friend has said in our ears is a
trust as truly and in the same sense as
money placed in our hand or a jewel con-
fided to our safe keeping. 1t is not less real
because it is immaterial, and we are just a.
responsible, as custodianS, as If we were
strong boxes in a Safe-depOSit vault.