The times., 1898-06-19

for soldiers come in by every mail. These
inventors are always assured that their
patent will be promptly tested. If they
viii agree 10 wear the suit they offer, and
be the actual target for the fire of a COM
pany at close range. For some reason or
other. this reply generally puts quietus
to all further negotiations on the sub
ject.
One Westerner has a unique scheme
for marking the dead His plan is to roll
a bit of parchment, containing all that is
known about the soldier into ball, and
insert it under the eyelids of the fallen
hero. In this way, the remains can al
ways be identified, so the inventor claims.
The body may moulder to dust, but the
ball of parchment is all safe, for ii
drops right into the skull. and will re-
main there till Gabriel blows his trum-
pet.
One naval constructor proposes to COW
er our men-of-war with turrets, so that
they viii be equal TO a dozen battleships.
/ Unfortunately for this project, the yes
sci would be weighted down so heavily
as to sink to China
Offers Of flying machines come by the
dozen, all being intended to drop down
bombs from the skies, or carry death and
destruction 10 the enemy in some 9TH
er unique way.
An inventor from Ohio has scheme of
putting one cannon inside of another, and
inside of this second cannon an explosive
she'll In this way he hopes to send hot
shot for hundred miles. BY this ar
rangement, he says the government can
lombard Havana from Key West.
One wizard of the West offers a plan to
kill the Spaniards by electricity. Ac-
cording to his project every soldier must
carry a coil of copper wire which has
connections with a line of dynamos in the
rear. When the front line of the United
States troops scent the enemy, a retreat
is TO be made. OF course, the Spaniards
will politely rush forward, when presto
they are actually shocked to death.
a Washington man has a scheme that
is simplicity itself. He thinks he can save
the country millions of dollars in coast
defenses, His plan is to have every SOL
der carry a doZes empty cotton bags. At
the approach of the Spaniards, the boys
in blue" are to ill these bags with earth,
and thus make breastworks to protect
their bodiesi 1t is needless to add that
the chief engineers of the Army are cap
tivated with this charming and clever
plan.
a Hoosier genius makes big bid for
carrying off the prize for ingenious
schemes. His idea is to take about hum
dred fire engines TO Cuba, together with
Weylers trocha, In this way, he claims,
a hole cas- be made in the Spanish breast
works through which our troops can
march 10 victory.
The Army headquarters are beset with
inventors who have everything new under
the sun to offer. There are paper blank
cts, made waterproof, paper towels, paper
trousers for hot climes, in short, every
thing but ediblese seems made out of
paper.
The headgear for mosquito countries in
trduces you to another age of chivairy.
Some of the designs submitted would
make woman turn green with envy.
One green mosquito hat that / saw GER
tainly seemed fit for a bashful bride.
On the matter of specifics for the dis
eases that are liable to afflict our SOL
diers, the number is legion. All the quack
preparations In existence are offered the
Government, from patent@corn extermi-
nators 10 magic salves that will draw out
all the hidden Knots In a wooden leg.
1t is passing strange. but nevertheless
pitiab,e, that even medicine is now having
a yellow" streak in it. Yellow pills are
offered the Government which, it is
claimed, will cure yellow fever. Then
there are pink pills for pale-faced soldiers,
brown pills for the negroes, and green
pills for those who are afflicted with
jaundice. The inventor of these don
take into account color-blind people, it
would seem
Women seem to take the lead In offering
| specifics. One female from the frontier of