The San Francisco call., 1898-04-30

assertion that the acts of the Govern | ment, from whose treasury he draws 1 pleasing sustenance, were acts of pira- l cy. and these remarks one versed in shorthand made bold to set down. Thereafter were they printed that all might see. When the Mcguire ob- served them in cold print he was great l ly perturbed of his peace, making loud | lament.
 "verily," quoth he, "a man may be 1 divers kind of an ass and never wot | him as to his own condition, save he see the same portrayed in type"
 An Uncle owning a fair land the which was known to the world as Florida, heard once on time that there was coming naughty Don with | purpose to possess the same and to hold it for his own uses.
 Are you beset with fear lest the Don carry out his evil purpose?" asked | a nephew.
 "The emotion which excites me-" the Uncle made answer, lis not that of fear, but admiration. I had never hoped to live to witness a display of cheek adamantine so that nothing less than 1o-lnCn gun WOulu udNS lC4A- dency to mar it's contour" Shortly after speaking, he command ed his trusted men that they go forth with guns of this caliber and make essay to batter the cheek of the Don. Yet had he misgivings, flor" commun- ed he with himself, ''the ammunition wherewith my guns are made ready has been tested by nothing more fear some In it's hardness than Harveyized plate"
 Having caught a nickel-in-the-slot machine a policeman threatened it with arrest as being the wicked instru- mentality of game of chance.
 Tt Is evident" retorted the ma chine, with nl-concealed contempt, that you have never played me"
 Stung by the tone of the accused, the policeman dropped in a dollars worth of nickels, getting as he him. self thereafter made declaration, mot a bean."
 "I did you an injustice" he remarked to the machine, with difference doffing his helmet and lowing low. "As a game you offer no chance whatever. But," he added, drawing club, ''you are under arrest for highway robbery"
 For he was a just man.
 Alas" exclaimed trusted official, who had been caught stealing, what have I done?"
 "The people," replied one who was there and dearly loved jest
 '"This is no time for unseemly lev ity," the trusted official retorted, with dignity Truly my outcry comes from the heart torn of grief and peni- tence. I have brought upon myself sorrow and disgrace"
 Then were his hearers touched, and abjured him to make no moan, saying:
 When one repenteth him of his wrongs then will much be forgiven"
 Yet did their consolation fail to reach the spot, for the grief of the man was not that he had taken the spoil, but that in his haste he had left aught be- hind.
 Infating his chest so that broad side of brass buttons flew therefrom. a Spanish admiral announced that he would SCOUT the Pacific.
 Do so if you wish,'' said an Amer lean admiral, who had chanced to overhear, "but I must ask that you SCOUT the bottom of it. I have myself a contract to attend to the surface"
 The Spanish admiral then explained that he had merely sprung a Castilian joke, and the wake he left behind him would have swamped any craft ven- turing near, even as the pillows of the tempest when it roars.
 A director of schools made boast that during his term he had accom- plished much. Being pressed for par ticulars, he was for a little time at a loss.
 Tell us one simple thing" they be- sought him.
 Truly, you are lot of dullards," he retorted mot to perceive for your selves that I have kept out of jail.''
 Then did they make sorrowful ado, as those who have been humbled in the dust, and as they so beseemed them selves the triumphant director walked across the street to avoid meeting a policeman, lest his record be marred~in the hour of victory. H. J.
 ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. INN KEEPER-R. B. D., City The law relative to inn keepers was not amended or repealed
 OJTP SAVTOR-N I M Citv Tbera