The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1898-06-08
A WITTY SYMPOSIUM.
Mr.. A. Lee Posts Class Day
Grafton.


The old saying which has come
TO be recognized as an almost initial
lible law, that man is the creature
of circumstances, is quite familiar
to you all He may be long, lank
cadayerous individual, platitudin
Gus nonentity arraycd in all the ex
circulating habilaments possible for
creature, minus the little adjunct
called brains, to carry, or he may he
man with all that name signifies.
1t matters but little The cold cal
culating mistress circumstance
touches him with her unfeeling FIN
ger and he comes forth an uneouth
object, sealloped toy to be admired
and tossed aside, or a goodly vessel
holding food for the nations of the
earth.
But a few times in the fight of
the centuries, old mother nature to
show that she is mistress even OF the
mistress circumstance, has produced
| men and women who have burst the
chain forged by environment, as
Sampson snapped the tow, and
as boy whirls his top, have taken
the old world between thumb and
finger and sent her spinning down
the ringing grove of change" Only
at long intervals, in the most
crucial period of the worlds history,
have these epoch makers ordinarily
made their appearance. One or two
at a time, unheralded they have
made their entrance and played their
eternal dramas. But in anticipation
of the momentous questions which
are now pending before the world, in
view of the fact that this generation
must solve these problems, by some
unknown but superhuman power
more than score of these geniuses
have been given the world, and ]
now have the honor ladies, and gen
tlemen, OF introducing one of the
most intellectual and powerful gal
axies of men and women that have
ever graced any college platform.
| confess that this may not be ev
ident to some of you at first glance.
But the faculty by needing the bib
lical ad monition and gazing upon
the inner man have long ago discov
cred the extraordinary abilities of
this class. Hence for the good of its
future musings they have thought
it desirable that record of its past
and its aspirations for the future be
left as stars to which those coming
behind might hitch their wagons,
and as last favor have requested
that we drop few words of advice
20 you from our Nestor like lips.
We are indeed delighted with this
opportunity of doing some mission
airy work and we earnestly hope the
seed may not all fall amid thorns
and thistles. Yet we are still human
and we cannot help the little wave
of pleasure that swings over our pa
thetic souls in anticipation of inflict-
lug upon you some of the agony un-
der which we have so ofte nwrithed
in class and lecture room.
This is class day as you all know,
and of necessity we must offer to our
selves last tribute Of respect or it
will never be given. And according to
traditions which come to us we may
cauterize all students within reach
and criticise the faculty if duty de-
mands it. But we hope all will be
receiy ed in the spirit given, and like
Esop's bee known by it's buzz
not by the pain of its sting, and
whate yer thrusts are made may they
''be blunt as the fencer's foil which
hits but hurts not"
In order that no one may feel
sighted we shall try to make cross
section of the wonderful outcrop be-
fore us and,followiag the geological
order of treatment, leave the most
highly andcompletely developed fos-
sill until last.
Not from any malicious design, or
"malice aforethought, but from the
consensus of public opinion, poor
Prep, we are compelled to begin with
you. Many a time has the contuma-
cious stone been hurled at your
heads, but VIC propose to vindicate
your rights and the priority of your
possessions. If the Prep is viewed
with the light projected upon him
at the proper conjugal focus he is
the most wonderful and marvellous
production of the concatenated
forces OF nature.
Could Chas. Darwin perambulate
this mundane sphere once more he
would shout for joy: Eureka, |
have found it," No longer can the
most jealous theologians contradict
my theories.
The missing link is forever and
forever found, and the monkey is
linked to man with the indissoluble
bonds of kinship. The inhabitants
of prepdom are of inestimable ser
vice in another realm Of science
They establish beyond the moon
light shadow of doubt the long
! contradicted theory of one of the
most famous educators of this cen
tury. According to Herbert each in
dividual in his growth to manhood
must pass through the experiences
of the race in it's march to clviliza-
ton. He must be naked bushman,
a bloody Hottentot, squint-eyed
Chinaman. Now how much com
fort would it give the professors if
they would just view your brother
prep in a scientific and philosophi-
cal light. 1t is useless to weep briny
tears Of despair over you. If one
could just get birds eye view of
your brain he would doubtless see
comical South Sea islander viewing
everything in such ridiculous
light that the prep is Just teetotally
and absolutely bound to stamp and
laugh, even though venerable
minister wishes to read text.
But brother Prep, know you will
batter down the walls of your prison
house. l extend to you the hand of
fellowship. You are just in the
chrysalis state. You may come from
the shadowy shore of the erstwhile,
where the strawberry grows on the
straw, and the gooseberry on the
back of the goose but your success
is sure.
just gaze upon us and as Victor
Hugo says realize you are the tad
pole of an archangel Another STRAIT
UNI we wish now to examine for your
benefit and pleasure but whether
higher or lower form of life am
unable to say. The Freshman is an
anamoly in natural history. View
| L l. l.