The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-09-22
Mr. DooIey on Anarchists

From the Chicago Chronicle.
TITS hard bein' a king these days,
said Mr. Dooley. "Manny's tn man on a
throne wishes his father'd brought him
up a cooper. with wages bein dock
ed be parlymints an ragin' arnychists
|r-runuin' Wild with dinnymite bombs I'M
dhcr their arms an carvin' knives in
their pockets.
"Ouaisy. as Hogan says. is tn head
that wears a Crowen. They'se other
heads thatre onaisy. too. but We don't
hear Nv thin. But a man gr-rows up In
wan iv thin furrin' countries, an he's
thrained FIR to be a king. Hivin may We
intinded him FIR a dooce or a Jack. at IN
most, but he has TO follow tn same line
as his father. IT'S like pawnbTokln' that
way. We niver heerd iv a pawnbroker's
son dom amy thing else. Wantst a king,
always a king. other mems sons may
pack away a shirt in a thrunk an go out
into tn worruld. brakin' on a freight or
ladin' Indyanny bankers up TO a shell
game. But a man that's headed FIR a
throne can't r-run away. He's got TO take
tn job. If he kicks they blinuIold him an
back him I'm. Whin he goes on watch he's
cinched. lie can't ask FIR his time at tn
end Nv tn week an lave. He pays himsilt.
He cam sthrike. because he'd have 10
ordher out tn polls to subjoo himself. He
can't go To tn boss an say: Me hours Is
too long an tn wurruk is tajious. Give
INf III ItN -NllFtha - q III ''F+'H -
man can't be indipindint onless he has a
boss. 'Tis thrue. So he takes tn place,
an the chances ARE he's tn biggest
omadhon In tn wurruld, an knows no
more about r-runnin' a country thin L
know about ladin' an orchesthry. An If
ne don't do anything he's a dummy. an
If he does do anything he's crazy, an
whin he dies his foreman says: Sure, It's
tn divvle's own time i had savin' that
basthoon firm desthroyin' hlmsilf. If II
wasn't FIR me tn poor thing'd have closed
down the wurruks an gone to tn far-rm
long ago An wan day whin he's takin'
tn air. p'raps. along comes an Eyetalyan
an says he: "Ar-re We a king2' That's
my name" says his majesty. Bother
dead says tn Eyetalyan, an they'se a
scramble an another king goes over tn
long r-road.
81 don't know much about arnychists.
We had thin here-wanst They whit
again polismen mostly. Mebbe that's be-
cause polismen's tn nearest things to
kings they cud find. But. anyhow, !
sometimes think ] know why they're ar
nychists somewhere an why they amt
i'm other places. 1t rayminds me iv what
happened wanst in Cousin Terence's fam
'ly. They was Twin down near Haleys
slough in wan iv oil Doherty's houses.
not Doherty that We know, tn finer, a
good man whin he don't drink. No, was
am OF crouch iv a man be the name OF
/ NldldfLI iNDilfiAN AihI h6fu W Mp v
day notices in his thrunk an ownded his
own privit jistice iv tn peace. Me cousin
Terence was as dacint a man as liver
shoed a hor-rse an his wife was a good
woman. too though niver took much
to tn Dolans. Firm Tipperary they was
an too handy THROWN things at We. An
he had a nice family CROWN up. an
nivor knowed people that lived together
more quiet an amyable. Twas good fl
To see thin settin' ar-roun' tn parlor
Terence spellin' out tn newspaper an
his good woman mendin' socks an Homo
ria playin' tn Vale iv Avoca' on tn pi
amy an tn kids r-rowlin' on tn hure.
But wan day it happened that that
whole family began to rasp on wan an
other. HonOria'd set down AT tn PLAINLY
an tn OF man'd growl: 'F'r tn love ~
tn saints close down that hurdy-gurdy
an lave a man injye his headache An
tn good woman scolded Terence an tn
kids pulled tn leg firm undher tn stove an
Whiu the big boy Mike come home firm
Omaha he found none iv thin speakin' L
tn others. He cud do nawthin', an h
wint FIR Father Kelly. Father Kelly sniff
fed tn air whin he come in an says he
Terence, what's tn mather wild ye'e
catch basin?' i dinnaw,' growled Terence
Wen says Father Kelly. we put on ye'e
hat this minyit an so out fr a plumber
he says. I'm not needed here he says
'Ye'er sowls ARE all fright he says
but ye'er systems ARE out of ordher
he says. Fetch i'm a plumber he says
whilst I goes down to Doherty an max
him think his lease on tn hereafther
defective he says.
"Ye'er right" said Mr.. Hennessy, VIII
had followed the argument dimly.
Nv coorse I'm fright" said Mr.. Doc
ley what they need over there i'm furriI
countries is not a priest, but a plumbe,
IT'S no good prayin' aEin arnychists. Hir
uisy. Arnychists is sewer gas"