The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1898-11-15
A WESTERN CAMPAIGN.
The Colonel Came to the Conciusaon
That He Wasn't Cut Out for
the LeRislntufe.

When Col. Bannister left Chicago
for the mountains for the benefit of
his lungs he had dim idea that he
would settle down somewhere and put
in term in the state legislature.
He reached Pine Top City to find the
climate all he hoped for, and after
few days he broached the subject of
office-getting to the landlord Of the
hotel.
"Im new man here" was the re-
ply, "but know feller who can tell
you all about 1t and I'll send him in"
The "feller" proved to be an ex-mem-
ber of the Legislature, and when the
subject was stated he replied:
"Yes, can tell you jest how to work
1t, and If you want me to I'll run your
campaign and agree to land you in the
senate"
The colonel expressed desire for an
outline of how the campaign was to
be run, and the EEK" laid his gun on
the table before him and said:
Il don't reckon you brought one
with you, but that's good one and
can get along without it for week
or so. The first thing you want to
do is to go out and pick fuss and
shoot your man."
"Pick fuss about what?" queried
the colonel.
Don't make no difference. Jest go
out on the'sfreet and cuss the town,
the climate or the people. Get up a
row over religion or politics or the
hereafter. When you've got to GER
tain pint you must call the other fell
low a liar. He'll reach back for his
gun; but you must get the drop on
him and bore him. Don't get ratified
over it. If you miss him you'll feel
something red-hot go through you and
the campaign will be off,"
But, Lord save you, can't go out
and shoot man down." exclaimed the
colonel.
"Got to do it, sir-got to do 1t, or
you can't do no runnin' for Office.
Havin' killed your man, you want to
announce your political ambitions.
Put about $50 in my hands to set up
the drinks for the boys and I'll see
that the verdict of the coroner's jury
is all right and that Pine Top whoops
'er for you. You'd better pay the
funeral expenses of the victim as well;
the boys are quick to notice little p'ints
like that"
"And that will be all?" asked the
colonel.
"Oh, no. that will be only the starter
the openin' of the campaign. had
TO shoot four men myself, and only
got into the house at that. You play
poker, of course?"
"No."
"Then you must learn. You'll have
to put in your nights in the poker
rooms or the boys will say you feel
yourself too good. How much whisky
can you drink"
"A tablespoonful"
"Got to learn to drink half gallon
in day. candidate who don't drink
at every bar stands no show How's
your voice?"
very weak"
That's bad. The boys will expect
about three speeches day, with one
extra on Sunday. Can you shoot two-
handed and ride bucking broncho?"
IL don't think ] want to go to the
legislaturel" replied the colonel, after
a moments thought.
"Well. that's for you to say. I'm
showin' you how to do it, and to have
lots of fun at the same time, but mebbe
it's jest as well you don't try it. Come
to size you up, I'm afraid you don't
know over half a dozen cuss words,
and that you'd try to shoot your first
man with the butt end of the gunl"-.
Chicago Evening News.