The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-08-10
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

ing, he grumbles II breakfast Is not
ready; but if he goes fishing, he can
wait all day for bite.
''The bed of this river is perfectly
dry, isn't it?" "Of course; you see
it's so hot it can't bear even sheet of
water. Richmond Dispatch.
She-"Don't you think it is danger
Gus to eat mushrooms?" He-"Not
bit of danger in it. The danger is in
eating toadstools. Chicago News.
Sometimes some of the fair sex ad-
mits that she is new woman"
"Was there one ever found who ad-
mitted that she was an old one?"-
Princeton Tiger.
He-"If you will marry me 1 will
make it my duty to anticipate your
every wish" She-"But are you sure
that your anticipations would be real
ized?"-Brooklyn Life.
An editor wrote at considerable
length upon "The Future of Hog
Raising" and rival editor advised
him not to be SO anxious regarding
his descendants. ts.-Tid-B
Paw, can you see farther with a
telescope than with the naked eye?"
"Of course you can, Johnny" "How
can that be, when it brings every
thing nearer?" ?"-Chicago Tribune.
Tommy-"Paw what is 'woman'o
intuition?'" Mr.. Figg-"It is that
quality of her mind which enables her
to say, well, 1 don't care; it ought to
be so, anyhow. indianapolis Jour-
nal.
Johnny, I see you have taken
more cake than 1 said you might
have" eyes, mother. made bo-
lieve that there was another little boy
spending the day with me. lid
Bits.
Permanent Position. - Farren-
"How are you making it, old fellow?"
Kooler-"First rate. l have the
promise of n ten-year job. I'm to
help get out the next census. Chi
cago Tribune.
"Call a messenger boy, quick"
shouted the hustling business man.
"No, sirl'' replied the conscientious
office boy. 81 must decline to do it,
for have never told lie. "-Phila-
delphia Record.
"What is your idea of clever
woman-a woman who can see the
point of joker" "No; my idea of a
clever woman is one who can laugh at
joke without seeing the point. y
Chicago Record.
Mrs. Peck-"Yes, / was tongue
tied when 1 was a child, and had to
undergo an operation in order to be
cured" Mr. Peck (sotto voice =
"Gee, wish l could meet the doctor
that did itp'-Chicago News.
Sunday-school Teacher What is
the lesson we are to draw from this
war with Spain?" Little Willie
Wicklemeyer-"They amt no lesson
in it fer us. We're teachin' Spain
lesson. "-Cleveland Leader.
The Snake Charmer-"The armless
wonder was robbed on his way home
last night. The Sword Swallower-
"Of what, pray?" The Snake
Charmer-"O his reputation, Iguess.
The robbers made him hold up his
hands,"
"Puffins answered an advertise
ment in which somebody offered to
sell him the secret for preventing
trousers from getting fringes around
the bottom. "What did they tell
him?" "To wear knickerbockers. -
Tit Bits.
The Owner (ndignantly)-"Bless
my soull They don't smash trunks
like that in England, doncherknowi"
The Porter (complacently)-"Don'
they, sir? We can give 'em points
about doin' lots of things, can't we,
sir?"-Puck.
Bobby-"Pop, does 'missive' mean
letter." Fond Parent-"Yes, Bob
by" Bobby-'And does sub mean
under?" Fond Parent-'Right, Bob
by" Bobby-"Then submissive
must mean a postscript, mustn't it?"
Harlem Life.
Clergyman-"My child, beware of
picking toadstool instead of mush-
room. They are easy to confuse. "
Child-"That be all roight, sur, that
be! Us hain't a-goin to eat 'em our
selves-they're a-goin' to market to be
sold. Tit Bits.
'Tm very careful not to let my little
Ann Augusta know anthing about the
present conflict" 'Are you afraid of
its effect upon your nervesYP "No.
But the time may come when she will
find it to her advantage not to remem-
her the war" - Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Bobby-"Mother, how old shall I
have to be before l can be Spanish
pirate a-taking captives and ascuttling
ships?" Mother-"You can begln
right away. just take that scuttle and
sail downstairs and pirate some Goals
from the first floors bing-Ally
Sloper.
An angry small boy was pelting
stones at noisy dog, when venera-
BILE passerby stopped aud addressed
him. Little boy" the stranger re-
monstrated, "don't you know you
should be kind to dumb animals|
eyes" replied the angry boy, but
what's dumb animals got to do W.T.
,yelpiug dogs2" - Cleveland Fan
] Dealer.