Mesa free press., 1898-10-14
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Mr.. Ikelhelmer! Mr.. lkelheimer-
Burns!-Puck.
"You might have knownsyou coudRt
walk" We'll 1 tumbIed to it soon
enough."-New York Times.
eyes, sir, Shallup is not only news
paper man but gef1tlerf1Ha' "I9e
must lead double life. "-Life.
Customers LDods # fit? See6nd-ha
clothier-@Ftt? Wy, fa fits, OF course; q
berfect epileptic @fit.- Syracuse Herald.
"All the poets give us odes about
Cuba" Eyes; why don't they sing a
few Philippeans2"- Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
She-Old Mr.. Skidmore boasts that he
is self-made man. He-Well, know
that he bought his teeth and his wig
The Criterion.
The last creation: She-You shouldn't
blame girl for being thoughtless. He
Why not? She-Because even the first
woman was an afterthought.-Broo
lyn Life.
First deaf mute-He wasn't so very
angry, was he? Second deaf mute
He was so mad that the words he used
almost blistered his fngers.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
German Professor Tin his lecture on
water)--And then, gentlemen, do not
forget, If we had no water we could
never learn. to swim-and how many
people would be drownedv'
Sappington-I once came within an
ace of making five hundred dollars.
De Quincy-How SO? Sappington-It
was a game Of poker; what I needed
was the ace Of diamonds. Judge.
"Hi, what do you mean by selling
me a paper and yelling, United States
Vessel Gone Down with All On Board?'
There's been no accidentv' 'Who said
dere had? 1t wuz de submarine boat,
yer ole jayy'
''No, Herbert, am sorry; but am
sure we could not be happy together.
You know l always want my own way
in everything" "But, my dear girl,
you could go on wanting it after we
were married" Boston Globe.
Mrs. Mulligan-An' what did his
'onner say to you this morning? Mrs.
Mulcahy-Can't you and your husband
live together without fighting? Mrs
Mulligan-An' wat did yer say? Mrs.
Mulcahy-No, yer 'anner, not happily.
Mani was just thinking what
queer thing Nature Is. Now, Of what
use is that tail to the COW. in winter
time when there are no flies? Fan
1t may be Of no use to the cow, but
what would we do for oxtail soup?-
Puck.
Mrs. Williston-How Is it, Colonel,
that you have no medals? ALI the 9th
er officers of your regiment have lots
Of them. Col. Copeton-Well, you see,
/ don't belong to any bicycle club, and
never made century run in my life
Chicago News.
II have just come from the oil-re-
gions," remarked the Casual Caller to
the Snake Editor, "and find that the
war-feeling has got into the petroleum
producing business" "How is that"
Drilling is going on actively. Pitts
burg Chronicle Telegraph.
>s''Look here" said the policeman to
small merchant, "you can't sell goods
that way without license to peddle:"
"Look at that" replied the merchant,
as he drew from his pocket bicycler's
tax-receipt; what is that If it isn't
Hoo,,co &o do1 9,,-T116Oo
"Yassir," said Mr.. Erastus Pinkley;
when I goes ter de wah won't be no
awdinary sojer. I'll be reg'lar bird"
"Mistuh Pinkley," responded Miss
Miami Brown, 'is you usin' slang, or is
I to onderstan' dat's you's gwine ter
fine de fyin' OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Star.
"You should join our book club. Why,
last winter read over hundred books
by giving five minutes a day. / read
Nansens Prisoner Of Zenda,' Hall
Gaines Quo Vadis,' Aliens Chris
tian,' Julian Hawthorne's Choir In
visible and Hopes 'Farthest North" :"
"How charmingv-
"Our proud name has never been
humbled in the dust" said Miss Par
venoo. "Oh, yes, 1t has, Sally!' said
the inconvenient and Objectionable old
friend of the family. II remember 1t
happenin' forty years ago, when the
wind blowed down the sign off your
grandfather's shoe shop."-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
The poet had handed in his effusion,
and it warmed his heart to hear the
editor exclaim again and again: Gap
italw "Capital!' Capital" "Then
you like it?'' said the poet. ooh, I'm
not reading It," replied the unfeeling
editor; 81 am only taking cognlzance
of the fact that each line begins with a
capital letter. From that infer 1t is
poetry Boston Transcript.
He (desperately)-Tell. me the truth.
Is 1t not my poverty that stands be-
tween us? She (sadly)-Y-e-s. He
with ray Of hope)-I admit that / am
Door opd so 11nfOrtI1nata1v IS nv fath-