The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-03-02
4UMoR OF THE DAY.

'Why, Teddy, dear, what is tho
matter? Don't you like asparagus"
eyes, Mrs Birchum, but the handles
are so hot"---Trained Motherhood.
Hattie "Maude doesn't show her
age at all, does sho?' Ella-"No, but
you can see where she scratched it out
of the family Bible. Chicago News.
She-"Don't you think it is dam
gerous TO eat mushrooms?" He
"Not n bit of danger in it, The dan
ger is in eating toadstools. Chicago
News.
''Did You read about that mince pie
ten Feet in diameter, Mrs. Jones?"
eyes; but | presume my husbands
mother has made bigger ones. Chi
cago Record.
Frances (aged six, who loves her
kitty)-"Are you happy, mammal"
Mamma-"Yes dear. Why2" Fran
ces (listeuing)-"I don't hear you
purr!"-Harpor's Bazaar,
Edith-"She sings like canary"
Bertha-"Oh, no; n canary begins to
sing when people commence TO talk;
people commence TO talk when she be.
gins to sing. Boston Transcript.
$50 old Blackstone, the lawyer, OBJ.
iected to your calling on his daughter
last night, did he?" eyes; but | fixed
it all right. Asked for stay, and it
was granted. Cincinnati CONNER
cial.
She-"The Bicyle Gazette offers
prize for the best article on any SUBJ
ject connected with the wheel" He
"Why not send in an essay on How
to Mend Wheel with Hairpin?"---
Puck.
81 have had to- quit playing chess
with Tompkins." "Why?" "Well,
he gets mad if l get interested and
beat him; and he gets mad if / get
sleepy and let him beat me. Chicago
Record.
Gallagher--'Me grandfather in the
ould country had more money than he
could count" Donahoo--"Oi have
heard, bedad, thot the old man could
not count more thin tin. Indiana.
polls Journal.
"What do you mean, asked the
city editor, "by comparing the mir TO
frozen quinine2" 81 meant to say"
said the new reporter with proud hui
mility, "that it was bitter cold. In
diauapolis journal.
Hungry Higgins-"Wha do you
think of this here football, anyway"
Weary Watkins There is something
in it called a rush line, amt they?'
"Yaas. "Well, that amt my line"
indianapolis Journal.
81 asked the young woman in front
of me to remove her big hat so | could
see the stage" "Did she do it?"
"No; she said if she held her hat III
her lap she couldn't SEQ the stage her
self, Chicago Record.
bridget, did you bring up that jar
bring?" 81 did, mem?' "You arc
sure they are blackberries, are you?"
eyes, mem; but | had to open dozen
ia-ars befure found them. Chicago
Tribune.
81 suppose | can have your vote for
$780," said the promoter. "Not
much, replied the legislator. MY
price is $1,000" "But last Monday
you offered it to me for $500" "Oh,
well, that was bargain day. Chicago
Evening Post.
81 doesn' reckon dat yoh's gw,nter
get you all's pay fun dat ar concern"
said the colored porter. "Why rot?"
asked the collector. "rhey have Soma
assets. eyes, sur; dey has some.
But dey ism equal to dah unreliable
ties - Washington Star.
The early bird gets caught 10y the
milliner. Nature begins fools, aud
women finish them. Homo is that
dear place where we are not afraid to
break crackers into our oyster soup.
Talking is like riding a wheel a man
may know when to stop, but may not
know how to stop. Chicago Record.