The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1898-07-26
PHILOSOPHER DooLEY.
He Explains that the Cubans Do Not
Understand Our Civilization.

We'll, SIR said Mr. Dooey dam thin
Cubians. If was Ginral Shafter I'd bach
up tn wagon in front iv tn dure an Id say
to Gin raj Garshy, I'd say, i want you,
an I'd hav thin all down at tn sation an
dacently booked be tn desk sergeant befure
tn fall iv night. TIL impydince iv thin. >
What have they been dom p Mr.. Hen
messy asked
''Failin' to understand our civilization"
said Mr.. Dooley: I'VE see 1t was this way.
wan hundherd thousan' mems been fightin'
bravely FIR two years FIR to liberyate Cuba.
FIR two years he's been marchin' his siv-
senty-nve thousan' men up an down tn
island desthroyin tn naughty Spanyard be
IN millyons. Whin war was declared he Of
Tered his own Sarvice an tn sarvices iv his
ar-rmy Nv nifty, thousan' men to tn United
states, an While waitin' FIR ships to arrive
ne marched at tn head Nv his tin thousan'
men down to Sandago de Cuba an captured
a cigar facthry which they soon rayjooced
to smokin' ruins They was holdn' this posi-
tien-Gin'ral Garshy an his gallant wan
thousan' min-whin Ginral Shafter ar
rived. Gin'ral Garshy immejitly offered tn
SarViceS " hlmSef an his two hundred men
fr tn capture iv Sandago, an whin Gin raj
Shafter arrived, there was Ginral Garshy
with his gallant band iv fifty Cubians
r-ready to eat at minyits notice.
"Gin'ral Shafter is a big. coorse. two
listed man fr' m Michigan, an whin he see
eI raj Garchy an .his twenty-five gallant
he says, step lively he says. am move
some Nv these things he says. Sir says
Gln'ral GaTchy, dye take me FIR a dhray?
gage ear he says. I'm a Cuban pathrite
an lay down me life an the lives iv ivry
wan ~ tn eighteen brave men iv me de-
voted ARMY, he says, but I'll be dam &
II | carry a trunks, he says. I'll fight Whin-
iver It's COOL he says, an they amt wan
~ ~, these twelve men here that wudden't
FOLLOW me to hell if they was awake at tn
time he says, but he says, If twas
wurruk we were lookin' FIR we cud have
round it long ago. he says. "They'se lot
~ IL IN TINS country that nobody's usin' >
he says. What we want he saws. lis free
dom,' he says an if We think we have been
IN IN tn woods dodgin' tn savage correspond
r-rushin' ye'er laundry home he says
tbs no wondher,' he says, that tn r-roads
I'm I'm M lar to kalamazoo is paved with
goold bricks bought be tn people Nv ye'er
native State he says.
SO Shafter had to carry his own thrunk
an an well 1t was Fl him that it wasn't Gin
ter was mad clear through, an Whin he
TOOK hold iv Sandago an was sendin out
invitations he scratched Garshy. Garshy
woods and there tn three iv thin ARE now
ARMED with forty r-rounds iv canned lob
ster an r-ready to Taysist to tn death. Him
an tn other man has written to Ginral
Shafter to tell him what they think iv him
an it don't take long
Well said Mr.. Hennessy, IT think
Smarter done wrong. He might we asked
Garshy in FIR to see tn show, seem that
he's been hangin' ar-round FIR long time
uOln In DeSt ne cud.
1T isn't that" explained Mr.. Dooley. 9TH
throuble Is tn Cubans don't understand
our civilization. Over here freedom means
hard wurruk. What is tn ambition iv all iN
US, 1innfssy? IT'S ayether to hold our jot
or to get wan. We want wurruk We must
have 1T. Dye raymimber tn sign tn moi
carried in tn procession las year. Give us
wurruk or we perish it said. They had Their
heads bate in be polismen because no phi
lanthropistd come along an make thin
shovel coal. Now, in Cuba, whin tn mobs
turns out they carry banner with tn
Wurruds: Give us nawthin to do or we per.
1sh. Whin a Cuban comes home at night
with happy smile on his face he don't say
to his wife and childher: Thank Gawd
I've got wurruk at last He says THANK
Gawd, I've been fired An tn childher &c
out an they say: 'Pah-pah has lost his job,
an Mrs. Cuban buys herself a bonnet
an where wanst they was sorrow an de-
spair all is happiness an a cottage organ
Ye can't make people here understand
that an we. can't make a Cuban undher
stand that freedom means tn same thins
as a pinitinchry sintince When we thry tC
get him to wurruk he'll say: Why Shud I
l haven't committed amy crime That.
gon' to be tn throuble. TIL first thing We
know We'll have another war in Cuba whir
we begin disthributin' good jobs, twelve
hours day, wan siyinty-five. TIL Cubians
amt civilized in our way. l sometime:
think I've got touch iv Cuban blood in me
own veins"