The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1898-06-04
Dooley to His Cousin George.

Dooley to His Cousin George.
"Well," said Mr. Hennessy in tones Of
chastened joy. Dewey didn't do thing
to thin. I hope tn poor la-ad isn't
cooped up there in Minneapolis"
"Niver fear" said Mr.. Dooley, calmly,
Cousin George is all fright"
Cousin George?" Mr.. Hennessy ex-
claimed.
Sure" said Mr.. Dooley. dewey or
Dooley. tbs all tn same. We dhrop
letter here an there. except in tn
haitches-we niver dhrop thim-but
we're tn same breed O fghtin' men.
Georgy has tn thraits Nv tn family. Me
uncle Mike, that was handy man-was
tould wasn't he'd be stint to HI FIR his
nanny sins, an he deserved it, FIR rav-
in out tn wan sin iv runnin away firm
annywan. He was booked FIR livery
thing firm murdher to missin' mass.
Well, he says, amy place I can get
into,' he says, I can get out w. he says.
'Ye bet on that he says.
so it is With Cousin George. He
knew tn way in,, an its tn same way
out He didn't go in be TIL family in
thrance, sneakin along with tn can un-
dher his coat. He left Ding Dong, or
WHATEVER it's ye call it, an says he,
Thank Gawd,' he says, I'm where Nc
Kinley can't give me his ideas iv how to
r-run quiltin' party and call it war;
he says. AN so he stint man down in
a divin' shute an cut tn cables, SOS
Mack cuddent chat with him. Thin he
prances up to TIL Spanish forts an
hands thin a few oranges. Tosses thin
out like a man THROWN handbills FIR
circus. Take that says he, an ray
mimber tn Maine, he says. An he goes
into TIL harbor, where Admiral What
th'-'ell is, an says he, 'Surrinder, he
says. 'Niver,' says tn Dago. Well
says Cousin George, I'll just have to
push we ar-round,' he says. An he
losses a few slugs at tn Spanyards
TIL Spanish admiral shoots at him with
a bow and arrow an goes over an
writes cable: This mornin' we was
attackted,' he says. AN, he says, we
fought tn inimy with great courage he
says. Our victhry is complete he
says. We have lost Everything we had,
he says. 'Th' treacherous foe,' he says
afther destroyin' us, sought refuge be-
hind a mudscow,' he says, but nawthin'
daunted us. What boats we cudden't
r-run ashore we surrindered,' he says.
4 can not write no MORE he says, 'as
me coat tails are afire,' he says, an
am bravely but rapidly leapn' firm wan
vessel to another, followed be me vail
ant crew with a fire engine he says
If I can save me coat tails he says,
they'll be no kick COMM he says.
Long live Spain, long live meself'
well, sir, in twinty-eight minyits be
tn clock Dewey had all TIL Spanish
boats sunk an that there harbor look
in like a Spanish stew. Thin he r-run
down tn bay an handed a few war-rm
vans into tn town. He set it on fire
an thin wint ashore to war-rm his poor
hands an feet 1t chills tn blood nos
to have anything to do FIR an hour or
So
Thin why don't he write some
thing?" Mr.. Hennessy demanded
Writer" echoed MIR. Dooley. Write?
Why shud he write? Dye think Cousin
George amt got nawthin' to do but to
set down with fountain pen an write:
Dear Mack: At IS, o'clock begun
peaceful blockade iy this town. We can
see tn pieces Everywhere. I hope yer
injyin' tn same gr-reat blessin'. So no,
more at prisint. FIRM ye'ers thruly,
George Dooley.' He amt that kind.
Tis nice day, AM he's there, smckin'
a good tin-cent see-gar an throwin
dice FIR tn drinks. He don't care
whether We know what he's done or not.
I'll bet ye whin we come to find out
about him we'll hear he's ilicted him
self king Nv tn Filipino islands. Doo-
ley TIL Wanst. He'll be settin' up there
undher pam trea with naygars fam
min him an dhrop Nv ticker in tn
hollow Nv his ar'rm an hootchy-kootchy
girls dancin' befure him. an livery tin
or twinty minyits some wan bringin' a
prisoner in. Who's this?" says king
Dooley. "A Spanish gin-ral,' says the
copper. Give him typewriter an set
him to wurruk.' says tn king. On with
tn dance he says. An afther awhile,
whin he gifts tired Nv tn game, he'll
write home an say he's got tn islands
an he'll turren thin over to tn goevrn-
mint an 60 back to his ship an Mark
Hannah organize tn Filipino Islands
Jute an Cider Company, an the rivolu-
chinists1l wish they hadn't. That's
what'll happen. Mark me wurrud."-
Chicago Journal. .....