The Wichita tribune., 1898-11-12
WIT WAS SPARKLING.
SOME OF THE GOOD THINGS
SAID BY JOHN CURRAN.
Daniel O'Connelrs Sarcasm-His Descrip-
tion of Woman Whose Manners
Were ColdIy Stiff and Formal-Other
Happy Examples of Humor.


John Philpot Curran was noted fol-
his powers of repartee and sarcasm
Many of his good things in that line
have come down to us through the
century, says the London Telegraph.
There could not be better testimony
to their worth, but as most of them
are too we'll known to need repeating
here 1 will simply give a few that l
have picked up in out-of-the-way
places.
At a dinner table in London the
conversation turned on public speak
ing. Curran stated that he could
never address an audience for quar-
ter of an hour without moistening his
lips Il have the advantage of you
there, Curran," said Sir Thomas Tur-
ton, pompOus and pretentlous mea-
Der of parliament Il spoke the other
night in the house of commons for five
hours on the nabob of Dude, and never
| felt in the least thirsty" That Is
very remarkable indeed" replied Cur
ran, "for every one agrees that it was
the driest speech of the session.
One day Curran was walking past the
| Parliament house in College Green, BE-
fore the Bank of Ireland got possession
of it, with a nobleman who had pro-
NOTED the legislative union by his
votes II wonder what they intend to
do with that useless building?' SAID
the nobleman. For my part, l hate
the sight of it." Il don't wonder at
that, my lord returned Curran, who
was an anti-unionist, Il never yet
heard of a murderer who was not
afraid of ghost"
Curran. as will be seen from these
anecdotes, could say mordant and cut
ting things, but perhaps no man was
ever insulted with such dialectlcal
neatness and ingeniousness as Curran
was by the famous maker or pulls
Sir Boyle Roche, in the Irish mouse OIL
commons. "The honorable gentleman
saws he is the guardian of his own
honor said Roche in reply to speecn
of Curran, "but on other occasions l
have heard him boast that he was an
enemy Of sinecures.
Curran was defeated in converSa-
tional contest with Lady Morgan, the
Irish novelist, one evening in that Ia
dy's drawing room, when, exaggeratins
the prevailing fashion in short sleeves
she wore merely straps over her shoui
ders. Curan was walking away iron
the little party who witnessed the con
fict of the two wits, when Lady Mor
gan called out: "Ah, come back, MI
Curran,~ and acknowledge that you ar
fairly beaten" "At any rate" said N
:, turning round, 81 have this consols
- tion Lady Morgan, that you can
- laugh at me in your sleeve"
Daniel O'Connelps sarcastic an
graphic description of a lady of stif
cold and formal manners is very hap
:; py. eShe has all the characteristic
poker-except its occasions
I warmth
= This recalls the story of the two lrlsl
Il servants who discussing the stiff ant
Il unbending manners of the young lad
u of the family, agreed that when sh
was a baby her mother must have te
- her upon boiled pokers, underdone.'
." Another happy and humorous exam
- ple of sarcasm-as apart from reparte
~ ~ is afforded by the following anecdot
- T ouote it on the authority of a fr1en'
who. I am afraid, was the villain OF tn
~ :, incident. A most imperturbable ma
49, was followed from Westmorelan
~ street, Dublin, over the OConne
- bridge to the general postoffice by t"
~ little street arabs, who importune
~ = him for the end of his cigar. Throw L
~ the butt, sir! All, sir, throw us tn
80 butt" cried the youths; but as tn
= man did not betray the slightest COZ
~ sciousness of their existence they CAV
him I'D at last in despair and DISCUS
"Arrah. let him alone" said one, wit
the most scorching scorn, "shure, 1t
a butt he's picked up himself
ID once heard bumptic"5 little MAJ
=, who acting as a steward at athlet
as snorts in Dublin, was very assertive
nt keening back the crowd, thus addre
be sed bv an angry spectator: IF tt
es consate was taken out of yeZ, yed
rs no bigger than a green gooseberry ar
a we're as sour as wan already!