Evening star., 1898-11-05
An AWKWARD PREDlcAMENT

funny to play all sorts of cheap jokes
Upon their just-mar-ied friends said John
c. Stillwell, well-known citizen of st.
Louis. who, with his remarkably handsome
wife. was guest at one of the uptown
hotels few days ago II believe I've got
rightful kick coming on this subject, and
so has my WIFE We've been married for
ever fifteen years, and yet for the past
three weeks-ever since we set out from
st. Louis. bound FOR New York to bring
back our two boys, who have been visiting
my brothers children there-we have been
the victims of dismal mistake, all owing
to the funniness Of one of these Rcubens
who thinks that matrmony is such howl
ing farce that 1t ought to start off like the
first act of burlesque show. It seems
that on the day We left ST, Louis for Chi
cago and other stopping places, en- route
to New York, a ST. Louis young fellow,
with my identical name, but no kin of
mine got married. His wedding trip, oddly
enough. was to precisely parallel our jour
ney TO New York, with stops, that is TO
say, at Chicago, Detroit. Pittsburg Phil
adelphia ard, finally New York Very
Oddly. again. this just-married StiAwer
had picked out the same hotels in these
cities as stopping places for himself and
his bride as had for myself and my wife
OF fifteen years standing. The young man
was unfortunate enough to pick out for
Sfo"msman turnip-headed ass, whose
name won't give just now; but I'm going
to look him up and say a few personally
conducted things to him when ] get back
to ST. Louis. The groom had confided to
his groomsman the itinerary of his we'd
ding trip, and that was the opportunity of
the groomsmans life to be gidtly and
funny. He sent telegram like this to the
Chicago hotel that was to be the first stop
on the bridal trip:
John c. Stillwel wel-known young
man here. arrives at your house with his
bride tonight. Treat them right. Give
them the best you've got.
When my wife and l got to the Chicago
hotel that night the clerk looked at me pa
tronizingly and quizzically when l walked
up to the desk and registered.
Which of the bridal chambers will you
have. Mr. Stilwell?' he asked me- We've
got suite in pe..cock blue and cream. and
one in white and gold. Any preference?
They're both $50 day for two, American
PLAN
Il looked at the clerk pretty hard for a
minute. 1 thought maybe he'd been hitting
up the bar a bit too freely.
Eighty a day? / said. is that all?
one-ffth of that for my wife and myself,
and I'll lend your house the glitter of my
presence. Who said anything about bridal
chambers, anyhow
reached behind the desk and produced the
telegram I didn't know then that there
was another John c. Stillwell in st. Louis
and l wondered good deal what fool
such dinky job as that on me- The clerk
looked at me all the time, as if he thought
1 was Just foolng him; but when insisted
that l didn't travel in the eighty-a-day
class he regarded me, l know, as pretty
cheap sort of a just-married man-toO
mean to pay the freight of a first-rate we'd
ding journey whirl. That clerk was In the
dining room when my wife and I got down
to breakfast the next morning. Now, while
my wife is verging on thirty-five, she
doesn't look 1t by good seven or eight
yeafs and 5nes pretty handsome dresser
too She had on a new tailor-made trav-
cling dress at breakfast, and 1 saw that
clerk looking at me throughout breakfast
with an expression on his face as much as
to say. Well. man that's just been mar
ried who won't get the swellest going for
such a handsome bride. is Corean coin in
my estimation
Il had the same Identical experience
when l registered at tho hotel in Detroit
three days later. The clerk asked me to
Eame my color combination for a bridal
chamber. and when / told him to wake out
of his trance he showed me a. similar tel
egram. signed by the same imbecile who
sent the dispatch to the Chicago hotel. I
was pretty hot over this. but / leaned over
the. desk and asked the clerk, conhden-
TALLY:
Say. on the level, do look like one?'
My boy, I am compelled to admit that
you do. he replied blandly; and he too
regarded me with ALI askance gaze when I
told MIN he could cut out the bridal cham
Der business and give me a fair-sized room
win bath. for myself and WIFE
II was the same in Pittsburg and the
same in Philadelphia I was pretty sore
over the business by the time it haG been
worked on me in four different cities and
sat down in Philadelphia and wrote a
haf dozen exceedingly hot letters "a
frfends of mine in st. Louis who I thought
might. in moments of delirium be CAPABLE
of sending the telegrams. I've got those
letters to square when I get back to ST.
lxDI urlif jDer
motel clerk to spring the bridal chamber gag
on me when / walked in to register, brt he
didn't. When L had written my name
down. and he turned the book around he
his face.
This is about as queer a coincidence as
ever | met Up with. and I've been in the
hotel business good many years said he
What's queer coincidence? I asked
For reply he turned the register around
SO ! could read it, and pointed to the entry
made Just above my own. 1t read:
John c. Stillwell and wife st. Louis
Il m rather temperate man, or l should
surely have thought that l had 'em for a
minute or SO. Then I had q ray of light
l sent my card up to the other St;llWeII
The clerk told me that he had only arrived
with his wife few minutes ahead of mo
The young fellow came down to the hotel
rotunda shortly. He was rather a clever
young chap After shaking hands and tell
ing me that ne had no idea there was an
other man of his name a resident of ST
Louis-he himself had only been there for
a few months, he said-he asked me to
join him III one. j declined, but said to
him:
My boy, l don't want to appear as a
Fryer. but Cid you get married in ST Louis
about three weeks ago.?
He promptly replied that he had. Then
/ up and told him my tale of woe He lust
rolled and wallowed around in his chair.
l couldn't get a word out Of him for fully
four minutes. he was so full Of chuckles
Finally he said:
Il was handed that dispatch by the
clerk here when / came in to register
about half an hour ago.
Yes. but. confound it, I said. I was
handed four of EN- in four different towns
and he rolled around some more.
THE kilograms were written by my fool
groomsman.' he said then. I gave him
fake itinerary Of my wedding journey, for
l knew he would be up to some deviment
If l gave him the correct route and he
chortled a good deal again. What do you
care. so long as you've got your health?
Look at the fun you've had! and derned If
the young whelp didn't go on guying me
for ten minutes. He had taken the south
ern route for New York. After a while /
saw that II was on me for the wine, and +
came to taw; but my namesake had the
bulk of the fun out of the thing"