The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1898-02-25
COMPILED sy THE POCKET MAGAZINE.

, boys voice sounds like his fathers
Brooklyn Life.
| A New Zealand author recently applied
| to Mr.. KiDlinS for advice, and received
| the following tote, which he says, he
considered encouraging" mo man S
advice is of the least benefit in our busi-
| ness (and l am a very busy NAM. Keep
on trying till you either fail or succeed" "
! Professional Call Delayed.-New Wo-
| man observation-disclosures is there any
| prospect of il clearing off very soony'
George-"No; why?"
| n. w. P.-"Mrs. Smith sent for me to
| come over and see her three days ago,
| to clear off. | am sure she will be eN-
| pecting me- e'-Philadelphia North Amer
| lean.
81 told YOU" said Mr.. Gobblcr. as he
| gazed reOroachfully at his wife through
| the Stats of the coop where she was be-
| ing fattened, mot to come near the house
| until after Christmas Why did you dis
| obey me?' 81 just couldn't help it, dear"
| said Mrs. GObbler "They killed Mrs
Peafowl yesterday, and l did so want to
| see how she was dressed. Detroit Free
| Press.
| mestic service problem is revealed by an
advertisement that recently appeared in
London paper under the heading, "Sit
| uations Wanted" 1t reads as follows:
las Plain Cook, General Servant, or
House Parlormaid; where there is n dog
or dogs, Pug preferred; age 3S.-E. E. s.,
| etc. New York Times.
SmGerly Ito friend recently married)-
Why, old man. you look sad and detected
Have YOU met with a disappointment in
your matrimonial venture?
Wederly-Alas! yes. My wife cannot
sing.
sngerly-Cant sing! Why. man, that
ought to cause you TO rejoice. | think
you are to be congratulated.
Wederly-But the tIouble is that she
thinks she can.-Chicago News.
Not the Way to Cork.-Charles Kenny.
dining once at the house of "A friend.
CHANGED to swallow a piece of cork with
his wine, the result being a severe fit of
coughing. Take care, my friend" said
his next neighbor. with a rather feeble
attempt at humor, that's not the way
for Cork" mo" gasped the irrepres-
sible sufferer, its the way TO kill KEN
ny!'-London Figaro.
Beck-"What became of that charming
little north side widow you used to rave
so much about?'
Peck-"Oh, she's married now
Beck-That's too bad but you al
ways were unlucky with your love af-
fairs"
Peck-"Yes; decidedly So"
Beck-"By the way, whom did she
marry?
Peck-"Me. Chicago News.
N hi
former master had decided to enlist in
the Cuban army, said TO him:
"Marse Tom, doan you do no sich fool
thing ez dat-doan 20 do III"
"Why shouldn't II"
"Kase Marse Tom"-and here the old
man lowered his voice--"you's got a touch
er de rheumatism, en- you can't run cz
fast now ez you run en-durin' er de war!'
Atlanta Constitution.
A IPuzzle.-Willie Addlepate-There Is
one thing l cawn't understand, doncher-
no,
Cholle NOddlekins-Whats that?
Willie Addlepate-Why, when we stop
to consideh-aw-how uncomfortable il
Is In "a crowd-why, aw-I cawnt see why
it is that there are always more people in
u crowd than there are where there is no
crowd.-Puck.
Relieved cautiously inquired
Nagus literary editor of the Daily Bread
''are you goin to write a Christmas story
this year as usual?" 81 have already
written one" replied the other, "and sent
1t to another paper" "Borus,' exclaimed
Nagus, impulsively slapping him ON the
back, lets go out and take somethingg
Chicago Record.
FIR. Dugan-"I am afraid, Bridget, that
you are as much at fault in this quarrel
as Patrick. You must learn to exercise
forbearance, and remember that soft
answer turneth away wrath" Bridget
O'IIoolihan -- "Begorra. yer riverence,
that's jist wot stharted the throuble, Pat