The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1898-01-14


THE old soldiers should not be deceived
nto fales hopes by the introduction of
bills in their favor. There have been
upward OF 1000 private pension bills
introduced, but not more than 100 of
them will be passed. That means 1000
or more will be disappointed 1t will
be almost impossible to secure the pass
age of private pension bills during the
present session of congress The dis
position of congressman, generally. Is
against hasty pension legislation. Be-
sides. the condition of the treasury
makes congressman feel that they must
go slow mall kinds of appropriations.
j do not say this is right: merely men,
ton the fact"
Should the senate call upon the Sec
rotary of state for United States con-
sular reports from Cuba it is likely they
would be made public so far as they
show the condition Of suffering in Cuba
These consular reports have been care
fully kept from the public for several
reasons. but chief Of these is that they
show failure of Spain's plan of auton-
omy in the island. and the administra-
ton does not care to do anything to
embarrass or appear to PREJUDICE the
efforts Of Spain. Assistant Secretary
Day knows from the consular reports
how extreme is the need of the Cubans.
One of Mason's Stories.
Senator Mason Of Illinois is regarded
as the best story-teller in the north
wing Of the Capitol. He was regarded
as the wittiest man in congress when
he was a member Of the house Of rep
resentatlves. In the senate cloakroom
he today entertained coterie of states
men with brilliant repertoire of new
Ones" concluding with the following
southern scene.
A traveller landed at a wayside tav-
ern in Texas early one morning, and,
after sitting around without discover
ing any signs of breakfast until an ap-
petite like a mustard plaster began
gnawing, he walked up to the landlord,
who was behind the counter bent near
ly double over a newspaper, In which
he was tracing the lines of thrilling
romance with his forefinger as he
puffed away at an old cob pipe.
What time do you have breakfast"
he said.
The landlord groaned, but did not
look up. The traveller raised his voice
a notch or two and repeated:
when do you have breakfast"
"Heh?" said the landlord, with his
face still buried in the newspaper.
when do you have breakfast?'
Most every day."
us this one of the unlucky days?"
"Heh?"
Are you going to have breakfast to-
day."
II reckon more'n like we WILL
How soon do you suppose 1t will be
ready?"
II don't suppose nothin' about It,"
whats the reason you don't?"
"Coz don't know"
when do you generally have it?"
when the coffee biles'
HAS the fire been started yet"
II don't know nothin' about It,"
whats the reason you don'tT
Didn't Care Cuss.
"Coz 1 don't care a cuss."
See here. old man. amt you the
II reckon mebbe I am"
well. then. I'd like to have you tell
me who's running this tavern"
The old man raised his head, gave
the stranger a look that made his flesh
creep, and said:
well, sometimes the niggers runs 1t;
sometimes the old woman gives 1t a
whirl; sometimes the cussed thing sort
err wobbles along for itself, and then
agin sometimes / give it a hist myself
and every once and awhile some lam
term jawed, knock-kneed son of tiger
like you comes along and wants to try
his hand at making 1t spin. but about
q I. l. a. IL H. \. ta II
too free he takes a notion to go out to
the horse trough and soak his head.
and after that he's alluz meek enough
to mind his own business for spell.
What in the name of Tom Scott do you
want, anyhow? Can't you keep your
coat on till strike the end of this yere
piece? I want to find out what the
blazes they're going to do with that
old pirate I've been worryin' about for
the last two months, now that they've
ketched him at last. You're not ridn'
on the keers now so what's the use Of
bein' in a sweat?"
Just then a darkey stepped into the
back yard and began pounding joint
Of stove pipe with a broken broom
handle.
Does that mean breakfast" in
CURED the stranger In numDle voice.
"I shouldn't wonder burned Bit" re-
turned the landlord as he plunged into
mis- paper.
His wife's Age.
The last census Of the United States
developed many amusing Incidents. One
Of the agents in Detroit made a report
IN which he embodied an interview with
a man on Fort street. who answered all
questions promptly until the age Of his
wife was asked.
Cant tell" responded the husband
Cant tell?" echoed the questioner.
why? Don't you know?"
"Of course | do
Then you must tell me. The law
says you must"
THE law? What law"
THE law of the state"
What will they do with me IL don't
ten?"
Put you in Jail for contempt"
"All right: put me in jail"
"Why, man." exclaimed the aston
shed official you won't go to Jail and
suffer rather than tell your wife's age.
will your"
"yNaII VOC he aaid reaipnedJv "T,ve