The Worcester spy., 1898-11-07
DooLEY IN DOUBT.


'I know what I'd do if 1 was Mack, .
said Mr.. Hennessy. I'D hist a flag
over tn Philippians an I'd take in tn
whole lot iv thim.'
AN yet" said Mr.. Dooley, '"tis not
more thin two months since ye larned
whether they were islands or canned
goods. Ye'er back yard is so small
that ye'er COW can't turn around with
ont buttin' tn Woodshed off TIL prem-
ises. an ye Wuddant go out to tn
stock yards without takin' out polls
cy on ye'er life. Suppose We was STAN
din at tn corner iy State sthreet an
Archey r-road, wud ye know what car
to take to get to tn Philippians? If
ye'er son Packy was to ask ya where
tn Phlippeens is, cud we give him
amy good idea whether they was in
Rooshia or JUS Wist ~ tn thracks p
"Mebbe l cudden't," said Mr.. Hem
messy, haughtily, "but Tn I'r takin'
thin in anyhow"
$50 might l be-" said Mr. Dooley,
''if l cud on'y git me mind on It. Wan
iv the worst things about this here war
is tn way it's maxim puzzles f'r our
poor, tired heads Whin / wint into it
/ thought all I'd have to do was to
set up here behind tn bar with good
tin-oint see-gar in me teeth an toss
dinnymite bombs into tn hated city
iv Havana. But look at me row. TIL
war is still goin' on, an livery night
whin I'm countin' up tn cash I'm ask
in mesilf viii I annaX Cuba or lave
it to tn Cubians? VIII / take Porter
Riclzy or put it by? An what shud ]
do with tn Ph'lippeens? Oh, Wiaat shud
/ do with thin? I can't annex thin be-
cause / don't know where they ar're.
] can't let go iv thin because some
wan else'll take thin ii / do 'fhey are
eight thousan' iv thin islands, with
population iV wan hundred milliyon
naked savages, an me bed room
crowded now with me an tn bed.
How can l take thin in an how on
earth am l goin to cover tn naked
ness iv thin savages with me wan
shoot iv clothes? An yit twould break
me heart to think ~ giVin' people
niver see or heard tell iy back tc
| other people ] don't know. An If
| don't take thin Schwartzmeister down
! tn sthreet, that has half me thrade
| already, will grab thin sure.
1T amt that I'm afraid iv not doin
| tn Fright thing in tn end, Hinnissy
Some mornin' I'll wake up an know
| jus what to do, an that I'll do. But
| tbs th' annoyance iV tn manetime. I've
been re-readin' about tn counthrey.
| Tis over beyant ye'er left shoulder
whin ye'er facin' east. JUS throw
ye'er thumb back an We have 1t as
ac'rate as amy man in town. 'Tis far
| ther thin Boohlgarya an not so far as
| Blewchoochoo. It's near Chiny an it's
not so near. an if a man was to bore
well through firm Goshen, Indianny
| he might sthrike it, an thin agin he
might not. It's a poverty
country, full iv goold an precious
stones, where tn people can pick dinner
h AZ aff1 eta ri11f
! they have no stepladders. Th' inhabit-
ants is mostly nagurs an Chinnymen,
peaceful, industhrus an laW-abidin'
but savage an bloodthirsty in their
methods. They wear no clothes except
what they have on, an each woman
has five husbands an each man has
| i've wives. TIL r-rest goes into TIL
discard, th' same as here. TIL islands
has been ownded be Spain since befure
tn fire, an she's threated thin so well
they're now up in arms again her eX-
cept a majority iv thin which is thruly
| loyal TIL natives seldom fight, but
whin they get mad at wan another they
r-run amuck. Whin a man r-runs
amuck sometimes they hang him an
sometimes they discharge him an hire
| a new motorman. Th women ar-re
| beautiful, with languishin' black eyes,
! an they smoke see gars, but ar-re
/ nuIflGQ
I see a pitcher iy wan tn other day
with nawthin' on her but basket ~
cocoanuts an a hoopskirt They're
no prudes We import juke, hemp,
cigar wrappers, sugar an fairy taales
1 firm th' Ph'lippeens, an export six
| inch shells an tn like. " late TIL
| Phlippeens has awaked to tn fact that
they're behind tn times, an has re-
ceived much American ammunition in
| their midst. They say tn Spanyards
is all tore up about it.
Il Parned all this firm TIL paa-pers,
an / know 'tis sthraight. An yet,
Hinnissy, / dinnow what to do about
th' Philippians. An I'm all alone in
tn wurruld Iv'rybody else has made
up his mind Ye ask amy conductor
on Ar-rchy r-road an he'll tell ye. Ye
can find out FIRM tn pa-apers, an if ye
really want to know, all We have to do
is to ask a prominent citizen who can
NOW all th' lawn he owns with a safety
razor. But l don't know"
Hang on to thim, said Mr.. Hennes-
sy stoutly. What We've got we must
hold"
Well" said Mr. Dooley, "if I was
Mack I'd Iaye it to George ia say:
George I'd say, if ye'er FIR hangin'
on hand on it is. If We say Fave go.
I dhrop thin Twas, George won thin
with TIL Shells an tn duestioa'g & nm 10