New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-09-17
THE TALK OF THE DAY.
A MODERN VERSION.

The Judge llmping down the lane;
He sighed and seemed to be In pain
His face was thin and darky tanned.
Mosquito bites adorned his hand
His Uniform was sadly soiled.
His linen, too, must needs be boiled
His sabre canked as near he drew;
Sweet Maud looked up. said How dye doi-
1--WE been away TO war" said he.
"Indeedr' said Maud. quite cheerily
you fought the Spanish hordes!' said she.
NO flies and Insects, answered ne
she said. You heard the horrid she'll.
And groaned some poor comrade fellG
"Ah. yes" he said. deep groans, we're mine,
But mostly when twas time TO dine.
And stormed you not some Cuban hir'
She asked her voice grown strangely STILL
"Alasr said he with sorrowing look,
81 s,ormed naught save the army COOK
mo Cuban hill" she said. "Oh. fudge!
I'm disappointed in you. Judge!
Then with sigh she turned AVA,
And raked the meadow sweet with hay
Tho -old'er-juis- tramped on again: ,no,,r
And sighed. Gosh hang the war with SPAIN
Alas, for soldier. aasl for maid:
Alas, for those who at Tampa stayed
Alas, poor soldiers for warfare wishin..
But always alack, delay in TRANSMISSION
For Of all cad words Of tongue type writer.
" baltimore American.
Tho Rev NJ NJ Parkhurst. who has lived IN the
PHILIPPINES for many years says that when
COMMA v,ish TO be married in tho Philippines they
must first pay fec OF f6. $50. TO the priest. VINO
otherwise will not marry them As native rarey
earns moro than IS in n month. he seldom mas 'he
necessary marriage fee 80 that common law mar
,oes arc the frequent result. The baptismal fee
he SAYS IL SIS and the death fee is SEQ for an adult
and so for an infant. poll tax OF s25 for each
man and SIS for each woman Is collected, ana
when a man builds house he must pay Slo TOT
having the chimney blessed
An English legal journal. publishing the eXpres-
sions Of gratitude Of bcreaved widow and CHI a.
dren says ~ anyhins G9qS anG rrepara5e loss
IL woult be the honor paid TO hts memory.-CCase
and Comment
The people OF Chicago. apparently do not thinK
much OF School Superintendent Andrews's decision
TO have the eyes OF the school children tested 10y
the teachers THE Evening journal says;
Ell is not understood that there VIII be anything
compulsory about tho plan except the test. Yet
I, is easy to brighten tlmd parents with dagno-
sis made by some lnexpert and already overworked
teacher. and have them putting glasses on young
children whose eyes have not had time TO grow.
and may be prevented from getting their natural
growth by n pair OF msft spectaces.
Brave Boarder.-Mrs. smd!et (noucing that
the new boarder IS lavish with the catsup),Don-
the gums so that the teeth come out. 49,,
Now Boarder-That so? Then must work ORR hard
No r.'o OF the roast (New-York Weekly
Marshal Halstcad. tho United States Consul Mt
Rlrningham England. says that American shoe
manufacturers need not try to Invade the English
market unless they take the trouble to ma out
what styles are wanted over there. He refers to
one maker who sent large consignment OF shoes
TO Birmingham. going TO much expense In doing So
He has sent three stylespatcn leather laced. calf
skin buttoned and tan laced To suit the English
taste the patent feathers should have been but
toned and the calfskin laced. American uppers
particularly the patent leather uppers. ARE far in
advance OF anything 10 be obtained for n similar
price in England but all OF tho shoes sent over
are too lightly soled to suit the climatic cond-
tons OF the Islands
Tho Heros Small Advantagc,-Tt must be great
Huh, The hero is only getting In the daylight
what the common man can get after dark. -tCln-
cinnati Enquirer
Elaborate preparations are being made for tho
Kaiser's ascent OF the Mount OF Olives. new
route IS being made for him. and at tho present
time some thousands of men. women and children
are working on It, This route starts from the
Kaiser's camp at tho foot OF Scopus and leads to
the peak called Vlri GablaL There will be fifteen
Turkish soldiers encamped at tho starting point.
and all have received new uniforms and white
gloves
In the Morning.-Staver-I don't understand how
the front door came to be ajar this morning. I'm
CERTAIN p STed Il W 6 locked i a'fh up tight that
accounts for it, suspected as much.-tBoston
Transcript.
Here Is another OF Mr.. Russers stories in Col
lection and Rcco.lectons":
When Selma. Countess OF Huntingdon. asked tho
Duchess OF Buckingham to accompany her to IL
sermon by Whitfield. the duchess replied that the
doctrines Of the Methodist preachers
pulsve. and strongly tnged with lmpertnence and
disrespoct toward their superlors 'Tt is monstrous
TO be told" she wrote, that you have heart as
simple as the common wretches that crawl on the
earth: and cannot but wonder that your ladyship
should relish any sentiments much at variance
with high rank and good breeding"
The distinction between the parish rector and the
curate I'm the Old days Is Illustrated by a story OF
old friend Of Mr.. Russell. Returning to his
parish after his autumn holiday, and noticing a
woman at her cottage door with her baby I'm her
arms. he asked: Has that child been baptized?'
well. SIR" replied the courtesying mother Il
shouldn't like to say much that but your
young man came and did what he could"
An Arkansas lawyer has at the top OF his bus-
ness card tho following Scriptural quotation: III
Demetrius and the craftsmen which are with him
have a matter against any the law is open
and there deputies; let them implcad one an
other" Acts XIX 49,
An Exclusive Famy.-Mrs. Forundel-What?
Invite the Downtown girls 10 our party Why. my
dear. their father is In trade. He keeps a shop.
MISS Forundel-I know. ma, but he Is awfully
elusive. He never advertses and doesn't have to
serve customer once week.-lNew-York Weekly.