davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
His Answer.

Mrs. Grum docking up from her
rewspaper)-1have just been readi"gan
item about a man who traded his dog
for another mans wife
Old Grum-Hoh! Some men cont
care much for dogs.-N Y journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
The March of Civilization.

"Are you the widow of the man who
was shot?" asked the Texas coroner of
the woman who stood before him.
1.-TWO hours ago l was," she replied,
"but now am the wife of the MAJ who
got the drop on HMM. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Appointment or PortraftY

| Clara-I cannot understand Douglas.
He keeps on pulling out his watch and
looking at it.
| Gertrude-There must be woman in
the case.-N. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24

Hara - che 1epo1gersy
II had strange dream the other
night" said the majoE.
what was it?s asked the Young
Thing.
II went to heaven, and as an old news
paper man was interested in their jour-
nal up there. It was miserable thing.
not a well-written story in it. and told
st. Peter so"
What did he say
"He said: It's not our fault. We
never get any good reporters up here"
-Philadelphia Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
A Wonderful Man.

Observation-Disclosures man Butts is an
original fellow.
Yeast-What makes you think so?
"Why, he borrowed five dollars from
me yesterday, and paid it back to-day"
-Yonkers Statesman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
At the Butchers.

Crstomer-Why did you put up that
large mirror near the door?
Butcher-To prevent the servant
girls from watching the scales.-Chi-
cago Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Nothing wonderful.

Nothing Wonderful.
Yeast-There's lady pianist at the
museum who plays with her toes.
Cyimsonbeak-Umph That's moth
ing; my baby does that!-Yonker1
Statesman
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Can Refuse Drinks.

The supreme court decides that sa-
looms do not come within the jurisdic-
ton of the civil rights law, and saloon
keepers can refuse to serve colored
men with Intoxicating drinks. This
action was brought under the civil
rights law The plaintiff, Rohnc. is a
colored man, residing at Duluth, and
at the invitation of a white man, went
into the saloon of the defendant,
LOOMS, and the white man ordered
that both be served with beer. The
saloonkeeper refused to furnish beer
to the colored man, so the suit was
brought. The defense set up that un-
der the state law saloons are exempt
from the operation OF, the civil rights
bill, and are not obliged to serve col
ored people. The plaintiff claimed
that the general law regulating hotels,
restaurants, cor other places of re-
freshment," does apply to and include
saloons.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Method In His yerbosIty.

Rev. Fourthly-Why do you always
preach such long sermons?
Rev. Fifthly-So that my congrega-
ton will be willing to give me long va
cations.-Town Topics.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
The Lecture and the Lecturer.

Mrs. Learned-Had you no engage
ment for tonight, dear?
Prof. Learned Dumping to his feet)--
BY Jove! I was booked to lecture at
1880 on 1.-THE Cultivation of the Mem
ory," and here it is ten o'clock! Why
in blazes couldn't you have asked that
question three hours ago? - N. Y.
Truth.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Not Declined However,.

The daughter of an editor was she;
And when he kissed her Through Loves
impish pranks),
Quite absent-mindedly she said to him:
"Your contribution is returned with
thanks!"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
The Beginning OF 1t.

He-You look good enough to eat, this
morning, Ethel.
She-Indeed! Why don't you eat me,
then?
He-My doctor told me to avoid
sweets.-Harper's Bazaar.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Always Occupied.

Always Occupied.
It comes; the sad season when bitter winds
blow
And the shovel our lives must control
When 1t isn't at work on the beautiful SNOW
1t is frolicking free In the coal
Washington Star
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24

The Glove is q product of tree be-
longing to the myrtle fanny and is a
native Of the M0lucca islands.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Prnying ThrouRh Her Hat.

I've thought as In church she His good
ness has hymned,
Can merciful Diety bark
To woman who prays meath hat that
is trimmed
With poor, murdered thrush or a lark?
Il. A. w. Bulletin
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Bread on the Waters.

VIM. II. Pankake, of Maine Pralre,
did a kindly act last spring and it now
rises up to bless him. Theodore Pau
men, a bachelor 48 years old, and in
very poor health, came to his house,
and Mr.. Pankake took him and cared
for him. It did not appear probable
that he would be very literally recon-
pensed, but he determined to exercise
certain charity, no matter how he
was repaid. The other day Pauman
died and was buried. Then his will
came to light and was offered for pro-
bate. 1t was found that the dead man
had left quite a comfortable estate. He
had remembered his brothers and sis
tiers in his native country of Belgium
by leaving them his personal property,
but to his kind benefactor, Mr.. Pan
kake, he bequeathed his farm of eighty
acres in Maine Prairie township.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Seven Good Reasons.

Bussey-Why don't you come out on
strike?
Hardup-Ihave seven reasons against
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24

The Campaign Statistfcian.
He figured hard. No rest was nigh,
His task he dared not shirk
He figured on to show men why
His figures didn't work
washington Star
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
BuS1ne 9S.

He paid her five thousand cold dollars
For damages done to her neart,
And with it she and her true lover
Were able to get quite start
Chicago Record,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24

Noodle sprung from a fine old house.
Brother Jack-Yes- I'm told his fa-
Their kicked him into the street.-N. Y.
World. .
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24

The FamiIy FavOPite.
The aunt we love to so to see
More often than the rest,
Is pretty mfddling sure to he
The one who cooks the best.
IL. A. w. Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
The L0riC 0f VanifY.

A crank is he who'll not agree
With US in our pretense.
The man who'll praise our silly ways
We deem a man of sense.
up to Date,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24

Junior Law Partner-You say it
would be useless to appeal that case of
Easymarks to higher court?
Senior Law Partner-Why, of course
it would-he's busted already.-N. Y.
World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24

Sorry Sawyer t'ink job in ko-
OAK factory would suit us.
Dusty Dion-Why?
Sorry Sawyer could do the rest.
IN. Y. Evening Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Quite willing to Do 1t.

It was intended as gentle hint.
"Our rule here" he said, ''is pay as
you CO."
"Quite right, replied the other, p cas-
antly, "but I'm not going yet."-Cbica-
go Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Serious Indeed.

II was going On the stage once
vaudeville"
THAT so, Kitty? Did your more seri
GUS nature come to the rescue?"
"Yes. got too fat."-Chicago Daily
Record
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Hard T.nOk.

Hard Luck.
A poor little fellow called Vaughan
Was playing one day on the laughan.
When whlrlwind came nigh,
Took him up to the skigh,
And none could tell where he had gaughan
IN. T. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1898-11-24
Al to Prices.

'What are they?"
"A wife and six children."-Tit-Bits.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

The burly landlord regarded them
cautiously for awhile, as though dread
ing some jest, but presently his fsa-
lures relaxed into grim smile.
"Sure, an / suppose we've been 30
busy" he said, that we didn't have
time to get the rint ready?"
1.-THE rent must wait" said Dodd.
at ginerally does, bedad," retorted
Flanagan. "Well won't bother we
now, boys, as / see ye're just settin' up
in new business. Good mornin' to ye.
an good luck to the undhertakin' busi-
ness"
"Cold-hearted old pig!" growled
Dodd, as the door banged behind his
landlord. Had to make joke OF 1t,
of course. Some people seem to have
no feelings"
"Oh, these coarse natures, you
know" said Trawley. What can you
expect from an ex-contractor, whom
fate has made the landlord OF a studio
building? But I say! We
have a lot to do yet. The coffin, fine
as it is, won't save Barillon's baby
from the city. We must discover some
means OF raising money"
II have two dollars fifty Lut-
terworth was beginning, when the door
opened once more, this time to admit
the janitor. He held handsome bum
die OF white roses in one hand, and IN
the other a penciled note. which he
presented to Dodd.
From Mr.. Flanagan he said.
Dodd opened the note and read II
aloud, at first with some impotence,
but with growing wonder as he pro-
ceeeded.
Mister Flanagan presents his COM
pllments," 1t ran. "but will you kindly
accept these roses to put on that coffin
OF yours? ! suppose the French artist
cannot afford a plot in the cemetery.
Well, sir own a big one, and there's
only myself and my wife. Well feel
mighty pleased If the French artist
will take little slice of the Flanagan
ground. Mister Flanagan also pre-
sents his compliments. and says that
| II you like ! will send my carriage
around to that Fench artists, as may
be he can't hire a hearse. l also send
a little money with Mister FlannagGn's
compliments, to defray expenses.
~. j. FLANAGAN"
"P. S.-That coffin is a dandy, and
don't like to see it go to waste"
Dodd looked penitently at Lutter-
worth.
81 take It all back about the coarse
natures" exclaimed Trawley. THAT
landlord of yours is a trump.
What good news for poor Barillon!
lone touch of nature" said Dodd,
taking up the black-andwhi from the
corner. "Bless me, that misty effect
seems quite successful now-or is 1t
my eyes?"-Gerald Brennan in the
Easter Criterion.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
Education of Lions.

When lions were still numerous and
easily observed in Southern Africa
they were sometimes seen instructing
one another in voluntary gymnastics
and practicing their leaps, making a
bush play the part Of the absent game.
Moffat tells the story of lion which
had missed a zebra by miscalculating
the distance, repeating the jump sew
eral times for his own instruction.
Two of his comrades coming upon him
while he was engaged in the exercise.
he led them around the rock to show
them how matters stood, and then, re-
turning to the starting point, COM
pleted the lesson by making a final
leap. The animals kept roaring dur
ing the whole of the curious scene,
talking together" as the native who
watched them said. BY the aid of in
dividual training of this kind indus
trial animals become apter as they
grow older; old birds, for instance,
constructing more artistic nests than
young ones, and little animals like
mice becoming more adroit with age.
Yet. however ancient in the life of the
species these acquisitions may be,
they have not the solidity of primor-
dial instincts, and are lost rapidly II
not used.-Kansas City Journal.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

Before the 55th congress adjourned
an appropriation of $4,000 was made
for the purpose of having an assembly
of all the Indian tribes at the Trans
Mississippi Exposition at Omaha this
summer. This will undoubtedly be
the rarest chronological exhibition ever
attempted in this or any other land.
Situated in the heart of the great
American union, within easy reach of
all the remaining great Indian reser-
vations, it has been possible, at COM
paratively slight expense, to gather
upon the Exposition grounds show
which would be possible nowhere else
in America.
Delegations from every tribe in the
Union will be on the grounds at one
time or another during the Exposition
in their wiclIiups, tents, tepees, wigwams
and cabins, pursuing their usual avoca-
tions and illustrating their dances,
religious rites and savage customs,
make up show unlike anything ever
before presented. Each type will be
exhibited in appropriate costume with
weapons, utensils, industrial appli-
ances and handiwork. Their games,
solemn festivals, peculiar customs and
natural surroundings will be repro
duced. In connection with these illus
trations of savage life, exhibits of
their industrial advancement, their
school work and other incidents of
their sure but slow movement toward
civilization and enlightenment will be
prominent.
The Indian department at Washing
ton has placed at the disposal of the
Exposition its facilities for making up
this notable exhibit. 1t is probably
the last opportunity of seeing the
American Indian as a savage, for gov
ernment work now in progress will
lift the savage Indian into American
citizenship, will wipe out the Indian
reservation and will make the savage
Indian and the reservation Indian but
a thing of history.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
oToNR IN Hen sTOMAcH.
From the Gazette, Blandfnsvfle, III.

The wife of the Rev. A. r. Adams, pastor
of the Bedford Christian Church at Blan-
dinsville, ILL.,, was for years compelled to
live life of torture from disease. Her
case baffied the physicians, but today she
is alive and we'll and tells the story of her
recovery as follows
"About six years ago." said Mrs. Adams,
81 weighed about 140 pounds, but my
health began TO fail and lost flesh. My
food did not agree with me and folt like
stone in my stomach. began to bloat oil
over until l thought had dropsy.
81 had pains and soreness in my left side
which extended clear across my back and
also into the region of my heart. During
these spells hard ridge would appear in
the left side of my stomach and around
the left side.
'These attacks left me sore and ex-
hausted. Alllast summer j was so nervous
that the children laughing and playing
nearly drove me wild. suffered also from
female troubles and doctored with ten diL-
ferent physicians without receiving any
help.
my husband having read in the news
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
BARII1LON'S BABY.

Trawley came into Dodd's painting
shop and sat down heavily on one of
the impracticable touches.
"Barillon's baby's dead" he OBJ
served, feeling along the hearthrug for
matches.
THAT so?" remarked Dodd, without
looking up from the black and white
before him.
Eyes. What the deuce did
a poor devil like Barillon want babies
for, anyhow"
HIM" commented Dodd. What
want to know is, what induced a fair
ly successful French landscape painter
to settle over here? Even American
landscape painters can't sell unless
they start a young ladies' daubing
school or give couchee- couchee dances
in their studios"
There was silence. Dodd was per-
forming some mysterious rites with a
discarded tooth brush on the back
ground of his black and white. Traw-
ley was thinking.
The door opened unceremoniously and
Lutterworth came in. Lutterworth was
Dodd's partner in rent paying, and
their wardrobes were in common. Con-
sequently Dodd Immediately observed
that the other mans overcoat was
missing.
What did you get for it?" he asked
severely.
"Only $3.50. Lazarus said it was an
old, old friend, or he shouldn't have
given even that. You needn't
hold out your paw, Doddy; you are not
going to get one cent of it. Haven't
you heard that poor old Barillon's
baby died this morning."
"Well?" Intercepted Dodd, relaxing
his grip on the ink bottle.
"Well! Do you think that we ought
to allow the city to get hold Of that
little scrap o. humanity? No, my boy.
The Barillon baby was the guest Of
American Art, and American Arts go
ing to bury the Barllon baby"
For $2.50!" interposed Trawley.
"You mean well, Lutterworth, but the
things absurd"
Look here said Lutterworth, push
ing some books off his bed and sitting
uONH III lutlI pldCt. utNNl iaANiSu
we could do the whole thing for $3.50,
But collection"
Collection nothing!" Dodd ex-
claimed with emphasis. There's not
enough money to buy a sparrow in the
entire settlement. Do you thinkI should
be toiling here il wealth could be
picked up for the asking?"
Lutterworth shook his head defect
eddy. Then he took $3.50 from his
pocket and began counting it.
"Barillon doesn't know a soul but
ourselves" he said. Besides, the poor
chap can't speak more than five words
OF English. And as for little Madame
Bari don't know what she'll do II
the city gets her baby"
Once more there was silence in the
painting shop. Dodd was laboring
fruitlessly, as it seemed, to produce a
foggy effect with a piece of smudgy
Indian rubber Trawley succeeded in
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

GENTLEMEN, i WANT THE RINT.
finding a match and lighted a raking
Pittsburg stogey. The smoke was TO
him as Delphic vapors were to the
priestess perched on her tripod.
Inspiration" he cried. Let us
make a coffin ourselves. Where are
those carpenter tools of yours, Doddy?"
Dodd almost hurled the black-and-
white into a corner. Lutterworth al
lowed the money to sink back into his
pocket Both were on their feet in an
instant.
you'll find the tools in the closet"
said Dodd. THAT window seat will
do for a coffin, won't it,"
Yes; and the white hangings to line
it with" CALCULATED Lutterworth, tear
ing down a gorgeous satin mantle,
the pride of Dodd's collection, as he
spoke.
Trawley flshed out the carpenters
tools; Dodd found some brass-headed
nails, and to work with a will went
this trio of amateur undertakers.
Slowly the window seat, which had
once been a macaroni box, found itself
metamorphcsed for the third time-on
this occasion into a really respectable
looking coffin. A paint pot, borrowed
from the janitor, lent color to the exte-
rior; the interior was richly lined with
Dodd's white satin hangings. The
brass-headed nails, set nearly arrow,
kept the satin in place, and Dodd
painted on the lid the inscription:
"Etienne-Aloys Barillon, aged 10
months"
AS they put the finishing touches to
their work, there came knock to the
door, and, without being hidden to
enter, old Flanagan, landlord-in-ordi-
airy to all that dwelt beneath that room.
heaved his corpulent frame into the
painting shop.
Gentlemen" wheezed Mr.. Flanna-
gan, 1--WE come afther the rint."
"One moment, Flanagan; one mo-
ment," said Lutterworth. Were just
finishing this coffin
Mr.. Flannagan's jaw dropped, for the
word coffin" reminded him of how
grasping landlords we're said to have
been treated in his native Ireland.
"Finishin' a cofinv" he repeated, fall
terirgly.
Dodd laughed.
Don't worry, Flanagan" he said.
"It's not for YOU"
And then, as they lifted the box from
the midst OF chips and shavings. and
set It proudly on the drawing table.
they explained to Mr.. Flanagan It's
real purpose.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

housekeeping is duty in every we'll
regulated household. People don't wait
until the filth becomes painfully apparent,
but il stands to reason that in every day
use more or less dust or dirt accumulate.
1t is so with the human blood. From the
enormous variety of eatables taken into
the stomach, a quantity OF useless ma
terial is bound to accumulate in the blood
and clog tho free and wholesome flow in
the vessels. Every person should from
time TO time have "blood-cleaning" and
the best cleanser and blood purifier is
Cascarets Candy Cathartic. We recon-
mend them to all our readers
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
1lgiIN.YINI
"My Husband Read"

have been greatly benefited.
II was also troubled with nervous pros
tration and numbness of my right arm and
hand so that at times could hardly endure
the pain, but that has all passed away. l
do my own work. Have done more this
summer than In the past four years put
together. DR.. Williams Pink Pills for Pale
People cured me, and think it my duty to
let other sufferers know it."
Hundreds of equally remarkable cases
havs been cured b. DR.. Williams Pink Pills.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
BeantY is Hood Deem.

Clean blood means a clean skin. No
beauty without it, CaScarets, Candy Cathar-
tic cleans your blood and keeps il clean. by
stirring up the lazy liver and driving all i'm
puritics from the body. Begin today to
Danish pimples, boils, blotcheS, blackheads,
and that sickly bilious complexion by taking
Cascaret,-beauty for ten cents. All drug
gists, satisfaction guaranteed, l0c, sc, SOC
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

The old proverb says that "he who
plants a walnut tree expects not to eat
the fruit" The tree is one of the slow
est to come to maturity we know, for it
does not bear till 20 years old. An
old farmer and tree-grower gives as a
rule for planting walnut trees to dig
shallow hole, place in a layer OF de-
cayed leaves from the woods, plant
the nuts with the husks removed, cover
with a small heap of leaves and next
year you will find some have grown.
In another year you may use your dis
erection about what saplings shall be
left to grow.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

Ten thousand demons gnawing away
at ones vitals couldn't be much worse
than the tortures of itching piles.
Yet there's n cure. Doan's Ointment
never fails.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
Dendly DuIl.

do you think there will be any men
at the sea shore this SUMMER" "Of
course; the kind met there last sum-
mer we're the kind who wouldn't ever
find out that we are having a war"
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

Husband"Do you realize that your
clothes have cost me over $4,000 dur
ing the last Year," She-"It was all
done because wanted to look well be-
fore you, dear"
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

Some actors could make n decided hit by inn
personating an individual scheduled TO die in
the first act.
a man isn't mrhty because he never falls,
but because OF his ability to rise when he
tumbles
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

A wheclman's tool bag isn't complete
without bottle of DR.. Thomas Eclec-
trio Oil. Heals cuts, bruises, stings,
sprains. Monarch over pain.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

For n perfect complexion and n clear,
healthy skin, use COSMO BUTTERMILK
SOAP. Sold everywhere.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22

A bath with COSMO BUTTERMILK
SOAP, exquisitely scented, is soothing and
beneficial Sold everywhere.
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
THANKFUL TO MRS. PINKHAM.
Earnest Words From Women Who Relieved Bacchs
Mrs. Pinkham Warns Against Neglect.

DEAR MRS have been thankful thousand times since wrote
Vegetable
earefuly and now feel like different
The Yale expositor. (Yale, St. Clair County, Mich.) 1894-current, 1898-07-22
INDIANS AT OMAHA.
ASSEMBLY OF ALL THE TRIBES
AT THE EXPOSITION.

Congress Provided for This Rare Ethno-
logical Exhibition-AboriginaI Hab-
its, Games, ETC., to be Illustrated
The Last Gathering of the Kind.