The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1898-12-22
HIS L0RDSH|P'S XMAS.
No Smoking Sets, No Gil
CARS, No Wearing APP
parel, But Something
Sentimental

| ents for our fellow women, but when it
comes to the men, hard IS not half
strong enough. The first thing to be
considered is the man himself, then the
extent of the donors purse Even the
married ladies are over and over again
heard to exclaim, in sheer desperation,
What shall / get for Papa, or Mr.. -,
or George?y as the case may be; while
brothers, cousins and sweethearts are
something awful to think of
Does he smoker asks the obliging
salesman. why, yes; of counsel" That
seems to settle the question. "A smok-
ing set is just the thing" hi off trips
the perplexed purchaser, with a polite
THANK you, . a sweet smile, and a swish
Of silk petticoats, to invest in one of
those most detestable of stumbling
blocks, a on~e-legged, top heavy stool,
split at the base to form three feet, dig
niied by the name of Smoker.
How nicer says the fair purchaser
Here is a jar for tobacco, a cigar holder,
another for cigarettes, an ash receptacle,
a match box and a clipper. Just the
thing Now we will have no more ashes
in the after-dinner coffee cups and vases,
tobacco in the sugar bow and cigars w
ing all over the parlor mantell' And
she gathers up her skirts and sails away,
just turning back once to see If that adj
dress IS correct,
1t is Christmasl Our gentleman has
received his present and is delighted. He
carries it carefully to his own room, fills
the jar with tobacco, one holder with
cigars, the other with cigarettes, the
box with matches. and sits down to a
refreshing smoke and his newspaper. All
goes well for awhile, when suddenly the
dinner gong is sounded Presto, Dow
goes the newspaper, up jumps the man,
and over goes the smoker. Never mind!
He sets the thing right. gathers up his
tobacco with "A lick and a promise"
and because it is Christnas) Sc
renely takes. his place at the table.
After dinner he moves about his room
more carefully, but in some indescriba-
Bile way again upsets ..that"-this time
it is likely to be-"d-d smoker" unless
he happens to be a minister. He de-
cides to waste no more tobacco and
leaves the receptacles all empty. Then
in case the thing Che can't even bring
himself to give it it's proper name) goes
over, no harm win be DONE
No more accidents till Christmas night.
When returning home in the wee snla'
hours he removes his shoes because
Mother disIikes the creak in the stairs.
Straight to his room tiptoes the miscre-
ant. His last match is one. .Ah, the
smoker!' He suddenly remembers leav-
ing some matches there. but forgets
where he left the smoker. His search in
the dark begins. Suddenly his toe strikes
somethingl There is a crash Of metal.
His language is expressive. This time
the ID" is big, loud and doubled. He is
afraid to make a light now, so full of
wrath does that (nore Dss) thing make
him.. He pushes it under the bed. sleeps
on it, and in the morning the swearing
machine goes to the attic, where it re-
mains until out of date, and is then
passed over to the chore man.
This is the fate of the average "smo-
ker," more or less strongly expressed,
according to the disposition of His
L~ordshiol'
ssThen what are we to do?e cry a
| chorus of feminine voices. Shall it be
| cigars?'' Decidedly not. Buying cigars
for a man is as bad as buying face pow
der for a lady. Every man has his own
favorite brand, and so particular are
some. of these creatures that they never
accept of a cigar even from a fellow con-
noisseur. .'Therei'' exclaimed a member
| of the fair sex, in a dry-goods store, only
| the other day. ~ ALWAYS told Charlie he
paid TOO much for his cigars. That ex-
| travagant man actually pays ten cents
| apiece. and here is identically the same
| thing for only two-ifty a box home
| she goes. carving the box with her, in
| that triumphant march. Charlie never
| smoked more than one of those cigars
| himself, and wife always objected to
| athat dreadful smell of bad tobacco af-
| Ter he had entertained a few friends.
| Dor,t give him cigarsi
a.WeIl. then. there is but one choice
left" declares the same chorus. Some
| article Of clothing" But in this matter.
man is. If ANYTHING. even more fastidious
| than with his tobacco. He likes to select
| his own wearing apparel. Ties are all
very wen In their way. The trouble is
tl,ev are always in the way. and few
| mon with . LIST of female relatives are
| able 10 escape the ordeal of having to
| dive thro,,ph 4 nerfect sea of brand new
| tias every tin,e thev omen that ION br1rea1l
drawer Men aisnlav necnliar taste in
| ties 4 indeed thew disnlav At all. and
4 4 almost irnnossible 70 s,3it their Taste.
n,auss na,st also - tanooad for tha sau,a
$500 ana tardksrebsafs are ..hrsnded,
M - Emhraiaaraa s,,snandsrs -
IKE cigars. hhiproiueleu suSpetieers ale
| absolutely useless, and seldom leave the