davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
That's no joke; that's a fact
The Bishops Discontinue

There is an anecdote of a Londo1 bishop who, having read that story of John Wesley cutting out every word of his discourse that bis servant-maid did not understand, determined to preach to a country congregation the simplest sermon he could write. He chose an elementary subject, and took as his text, '"The fool hath said in his heart there is no God" On leaving the church he asked the parish clerk what he thought of the sermon. "Oh, my lOrd," said he, it was very fine-very fine and grand. I've been talking it over with Mir. Beard, and We said how fine it was. But, after all, We can't help thinking that there is a God."- Chambers Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
The Power
of SeA1lllmg's Besf baking powder is wonderful.
AN OPEN LETTER TO MOTHERS.

We are asserting in the courts our right to tht
 exclusive use of the word "CASrORIA," and
 PITCHER $ SCASTORIA," as our Trade Mark. I, Dr. Samuel Pitcher, ofHyannis, Massachusetts. was the originator of" PITCHERS CASTORIA," ." the same that has borne and does now bear the fac-simile signature of CHAS. H. FLETCHER on every wrapper. This is the original ' PITCHERS CASTORIA" !" which has been used ill the homes of the mothers of America for over thirty years Look Carefully at the wrapper and see that it Is sEe kind yoH Aave aIuays bought, and has the signature of CHAS. II. FLETCHER on the wrapper. No one has authority from me to use ny name except The Centaur Company of which has H. Fletcher IS President.
 Ma,ch 8, 1897. SAMUEL PITCHER, MD.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
One More Idiot.

Tobacconist-If you'll keep quiet about it, I'll tell you how manage to make money out of cigars. When man comes in and asks me for a good cigar, I invariably recommend that brand that costs me the least. It is a great scheme
 Customer-That's so. What idiots they must all bel By the way, I want you to recommend a good cigar to me.
 Tobacconist-Well, confdentially I advise you to take one of these. (Cus- toner goes out.) Only one more idiot; that's alL.-BoSton Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
Ten Best Short Poems.

The ''ten best poems" discussion re- suited in 600 lists being sent to Life The following was made the prize list: "Elegy in a Country Churchyard, !" Gray; 'Thanatopsis," Bryant; "A Psalm of Life," Longfellow; 'The Ra- ven," Poe; Charge of the Light Brig nde," Tennyson; 1.-The Skylark," Shel- ley; 'The Chambered Nautilus" Holmes; Maud Muller" Whittier; 'EThe Bridge of Sighs," Hood; Burial of Sir John Moore" Wolfe.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
His Notion of It.

"Why," she asked, "do so many of the poets write about goldenrod? It seems as if every one of them had tried to glorify it. y
 "Well, '" replied the man who had worked on farm, "the only explana- tion can give is that the poets probably never tried to raise potatoes in 3 field where goldenrod had got good start. i" Cleveland Leader.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
CATARRH CANNOT BE CURED

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they cannot reach the seat of the disease. Co tarrh is a blood or constitutional disease, and in order to cure it you must takeinter- nal remedies. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces. Halls CatarTh Cure .. ..... - s-.,,t-Clur. q. .- vTesrIi bed by one of the best physicians in this country for years, and isa regular prescrip- tion. It Is composeI Of ,he best tonlcs known, combined with the best blood puri- fiers, acting directly on the mucous surfaces The perfect combination of the two ingre- results in curing Catarrh. Send for testi- monials, free.
 F. J. CHENEY dS CO.,. Toledo, O.
 Sold by Druggists, 75c.
 Halls Family Pills are the best.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

the girl friend who had called, Charlie did the meanest thing last night; l wouldn't have believed it of him."
 Do tell me what it was" asked the girl friend.
 well, you know we were having soU0 Tc~'0~ ouvs-0l eTfs. -~ ti..E... about having some when it happened. IL was just after dinner. Charlie had been reading some supposedly funny paragraphs in the evening paper. They were so poor they actually made me faint. Finally I told him that I could do better than that myself"
 What, at making jokes?' interrupt ed the girl friend.
 "Why, yes, of course"
 "Well, what happened?'
 "Why, of course, he was sure couldn't"
 Just like a man."
 But he was mistaken"
 Do tell me all about It."
 well, he wagered me three-pound box of candy and all the soda water l could drink that I couldn't make a joke"
 And you did it right away?"
 "Yes, 1t didn't take me five minutes"
 What was the joke"
 well, you know we had that lovely blue china set that he bought last week on the table, and"
 Tt is lovely"
 And just took my inspiration from that. You know the teapot has a shep- herd in blue upon it."
 "Yes."
 "Well, my joke was the supposed conversation between two fashionable girls on the milk pitcher of the choco- late brown set that mamma gave us. It ran:
 "'Why don't you associate with that gentleman over there|
 And the reply was:
 "'He's not in our set
 Well, I had the teapot in my hand when I made the joke, and just as told it let the teapot fall. Now comes the mean part. Charlie used such a mean Subterfuge. He repeated the joke. then looked at the pieces of the teapot on the floor, and then, as 1 demanded the fulfllmeDt of my wager. said: That's no joke; that's a fact"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

all wasting conditions; and to better demon strate its wonderful merits, he will send Three Free Bottles (The Dr. SlOcum New System of Medicine) with full instructions, to all readers of this paper who send for them.
 Simply write to T. A. SlOeum Manufactur- ing Chemist, 9S Pine Street, New York, giving name and full address,
 There is no charge for medicine or corre- spondence-adYice-st confidential.
 Knowing, as we do, of the undOubted efficacy, we urge every sufferer to take advantage of this most liberal proposition.
 Please tell the Doctor, when writing, that you read this generous offer in this paper.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
A Specific for Burns.

A Parisian doctor has discovered that a solution of one part picric acid to seventy-fve parts of water will surely and speedily cure the most terrible burns and scalds, and recommends that barrels of the solution be kept in fOun- dries, etc., in which workmen could be immersed. The pain is instantly re- moved, sores and blisters prevented and a cure completed in four or five days.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
Tn His line

4-i'es-f see ycur friend Hawkins has another selling out at cost sign tackled up on the front of his store.
 GlIes-Ees. Do y0,s E,ruy,,I ssII.i...ll-- Hawkins missed his vocation. He should have been q political can paign manager.
 Miles-Why so?
 Giles-He is continually mailing lies. Chicago News.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
IT'S NOT EXTENSIVE.

It's the quality that's high in TEA GARDEN DRIFTS, ToBOGGAN MAPLE SYRUP and PELICAN grocers in cans only. Money refunded if goods are not satisfactory. Don't accept an imitation See that the manufacturers name is litho- graphed on every can.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
Drew the Line.

Couldn't take him at any price" l" said the agent who was buying horses for the use of the mounted police. 'It is all right for policeman to interfer, whenever he sees fit, but it went q for his hCroc "-Tndianarnlis Journal
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
ONE ENJOYS

Both the method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys- tenn effectually, dispels colds, head, aches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever pro- duced, pleasing to the taste and ac- ceptable to the stomach, prompt iii its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, it's many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known.
 Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50 cent bottles by all leading drug gists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will pro- cure it promptly for any one who wishes to try 1t. Do not accept any substitute.
 CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP co.
 - SAR FRANCISCO. CAL.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
DEMAND FOR MORE RATr1ESu1pS

The Secretary of the Navy has demanded moro battleships and there can be no doubt that Con gress will consider arr his recommendations notifications will not adequately supply this Defence against all disorders of mariarial tyne is, however. adequately afforded by Hostetterr's r Stomach. Bitters, an efficient remedy, also for constipation blhousness dyspepsia, rheu. matism and nervousness
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

About the time a man succeeds in breaking in a pair of shoes his feet break out
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

Dispatches from Manila, capital of the Philippine Islands, announces that 200 buildings. some of them of impor- tance, have been destroyed by fire.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

h the southern provinces of Russia drink resembling brandy is obtained by distilling the juice Gf the watermelon.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

The heiress who buys a title makes rank investment; and If a man goes with the title It's ranker still
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

Two bottles of Piso's Cure for Consump- ton cured me of a bad lung trouble.- Mrs. J. Nichols, Princeton, Ind, Mar. 26, '95.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
result in the formation of a habit.

Said a member of the faculty of the College of Pharmacy the other day: ''I believe the cocaine habit is growing last. Terrible as is the morphine habit, the cocaine habit is even worse, be cause it lead quickly and inevitably to insanity, from which no one can re- cover.
 Ut is not boys habit, this taking of cocaine. There are plenty of boy opium smokers, and no end of women to keep them company. But the victims of CO., caine are usually in the prime of life, from 30 to 40 years old. They may have been introduced to the drug by the family physician, who has advised its use for the relief of neuralgia, or who has used it in spray in throat and nose troubles, or the dentist may have made operations upon the teeth pain less by cocaine, or, again, in the Vari- ous preparations of coca and kola wines they may have had their first taste. These wines hardly could hurt if the use of cocaine stopped there. But many times it does not. After while the exhilaration and good feeling due to the wine does not come. Some thing stronger is needed. Then comes the cocaine, pure and simple. Once in the clutch of the drug, not one in thousand breaks away."-Pittskurg Dispatch.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

When a widow goes gunning for number two she should use smokeless powder.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

The older we grow the greater the lack of knowledge we discover in others.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
AN OPEN LETTER
From Miss May Sachner, of Colun1a
 bus, O., to filling Women.
To all women who are ill:

To all women who are ill:
 It affords me great pleasure to tell you of the benefit have derived from taking Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. I can hardly find words to express my gratitude for the boon given to suffering women in that excellent
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

0nnN for tracing and locating Gold or Silver hIIIIN Ore, lost or buried treasures. M. ID. 4lODN FOWLER, Box 3S7 7.SOuteington, Conn
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
His Mean Way Out.

"Oh," said the two-months bride to the girl friend who had called, Charlie did the meanest thing last night; l
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
aRowTH OF THEcocAINE HABIT
Imports of the Insidious Drug Quad
 rupIed in the Inst Three Years,


 Within the past three years the i'm portations of cocaine to the United States have almost quadrupled. This IS startling and significant fact. Fig ures as to the value of the cocaine, crude and finished, imported into this country are hard to get, but the best estimates, that of the custom house people and representatives of one of the leading wholesale drug houses, Is not far from $300,OOO. Cocaine is made from coca leaves, and the main coun- try supplying these leaves is Peru.
 1t is difficult to divide the remark able increase in the use of cocaine into legitimate or medical use and ilegiti- mate use by victims of the cocaine naolt. But 1t is certain that the in- crease of 400 per cent. in three years is by no means wholly legitimate.
 There are many physicians who will not use morphine or any dangerous drug to alleviate a recurring pain. One of the foremost specialists in nervous diseases in New York says that for years he knew of other doctors who took similar ground. Neither would he use cocaine for neuralgia. There are other drugs, he said, which give relief, without the danger of fastening upon the patient a habit which could not be shaken off. Even if these drugs are not taken as a stimulant, their con- ~+o-+ ------'-- '1~r.- E- = larger
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05

AFTER being Swindled by all others, send us stamp for particulars of King SolOmon's Treas ure, the ONLY renewer of manly strength, MASON CHEMICAL CO.,, P. O. BOX TAT. PHILADELPHIA, PA.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-03-05
PANGMAN'S TREE.

men III my pocket, would anybody
 believed in my innocence"
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06

master at the wheel was not to leave
until after having put it hard aport and
lashed 1t so. He was then to lump
overheard. Down below the man al the
reversing gear was to stop the engines.
scramble up on deck and get over the
SIDE as quickly as possible. The man
IN the engine-room was to break open
the sea connections and follow his
leader into the water This was to in
sure the sinking of the ship, whether
the torpedoes worked or not. Then. as
last step, the lieutenant was to touch
the electric button and start the ex-
plosIon, while he should save himself
as best he might.
The Merrimac was run into the mar
rows according to the plan, but she
was detected by the enemy In the shore
batteries and subjected to a terrible
cannonading. Still she made straight
FOR the point where she would be. and
there swung herself across the chan
mel, but there was no need to put its
machinery OF destruction into opera
ton. The Spaniards did all the work
OF destruction for It, with shot and
shell they sank 1t, and so closed I'D the
channel OF their own harbor. Lieut..
Hobson and his crew saved themselves
by means OF the boats, but were soon
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06

when returning next morning ps,r
bridge saw a corsair stealing into nort
and gave 1t chase. The phIladelnb,,
gained rapidly on the eorgair h,,
struck on reef hard and fast Tha
enemy came out upon It with hIa o,,r
boats, shot into 1t until II keelod oyor
AID Its magazines were foodsd TO-
pumps disabled. and men were ON
board who made holes In the bot,or,
and then hauled down the Amer,c,n
flag. Then cambridge surrendsr.a
himself and sl5 men. The v,c,or.
righted the vessel. new riggod Il and
brought 1t to anchor under tho ha
shaw's castle.
cambridge found means q, cor
municating with the commando - o..
American feet and he PROPOSED ~.
the Philadelphia be DESTROYED ma 80
lay at anchor. Volunteers vera CO.
for and sixty-two promptly responaas
Among them were Midshipman Tboma.
Marlborough and James Lawrence ,Ss
first sixteen and the latter twon,s
years old; Decatur was twenty-fonr ~,
little more than boys.
Everything In readiness. tho -,,.
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06

when pulled. cetaeh the ,o,,.
the launch, and third wa.
him to explode 1t at the ~.
When come within hearing dI.,.
the Aibemsrle the engine -
stopped and the oars then ...,
night was pitch dark when VA
oars they rowed toward Plync...
ns they passed safely unde, q.
Of the fort. they turned and sAss
the river and on up the IT,
where the Albemarle was r.
descended. still undiscovered a.
ram which. they found. va, -.
a wharf and protected byst
against Just such attack ns
one. They weEe close apon 4.
when they were discovered =. !.
lenged In the words. What -
that" The answer Was a lie =,
Il was ''l'hs AlbemaFle's bo,,.
the same instant the launch ur,..
against the logs. which also /, a.
instant drew upon II a shove, ], /
lets from the infantry on sAo,s
other second the ports OF ,hs A.
were open and bslehing sha ~ !.
upon the daring visitor.
Now Lieut.. Gushing tosesss u
howitxer. and pulled the line NJ.
ploesd the torpedo fair agsisy a.
OF the ram, and 50 dafnaxsd !. b
she sooa sank. carrying ssr,.. }
with her. But masket ball y,
tho llsg.essat IN the f.sA. an
she'll had burst on the launsk. \
all tho men were compelled /. =
into the water. /, sss iey .sa
all. .arrp, tho lieutenant. sxan !
near shores under 4 rapid Or. n.
rebel Infantry. Gushing. vita "a.
disabled. was longer 10 The v.x
made directly down the rss.s
several miles TO a safe lsnelss h
Crawling ashore. be ooga d
more then. but Tell asissp car
awakened by men talking. rs
rebels. and talking o, the sos.~sr
venture Of III. prsesdlsg aixs.
what he overheard o. ths cpa1~xu
BE- knss that the Albezaris kst Z
to~a and that his WORK was szrs,
~ Gone. After another day sd .
he was again With tho rees ass d,
isct % admiration and praise ss
exceptionally hssole deed wsa ts~s
The whole eonnssy. and Zoe o. !
ard as lSnx ~ no lived. be VAS
The recipient Of many agssvgl.., .
,lous zad rewards.
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06

channel should be reached he was
told TO put her helm hard to port. stop
the engines, drop the anchors. open sea
and leave the vessel wreck, lying
athwart the channel. which is not as
broad as the Merrlmac was long. Pro-
vision OF 10-inch torpedoes were at
tached below the water line, on the
port side. against the bulkhead and vi
tai spots, and connected with each
other by wire under the ships keel.
Each torpedo contained eighty-two
pounds OF gunpowder. Likewise each
torpedo was connected with the bridge,
and thus was everything prepared, that
Hobson and his men should do their
work in minute or a minute and a
quarter.
On deck 1t was ordered that there be
four men, besides Lieut.. Hobson. In
the engire-room were assigned two
other men. This was the total crew,
and all were directed 10 wear nothing
but their undertaking. that weight OF
clothing might not hinder their escape
IL lney snoulG De oolleed 10 take TO
water without boats. A man was placed
forward and around his waist line
was made fast TO the bridge on which
the lieutenant was to stand. BY that
mans side was to be an ak. When
the vessel should reach the right point
the lieutenant was TO jerk the line as
signal to the man forward to cut the
anchor lashinGs, and then jump over
board and swim TO four-oared dingy
| towed at the stern. The dingy was to
have life buoys and rifles in her. The
first man to reach her was to haul In
the tow line and ing her round to
starboard. to take in the rest Of the
crew as they should be released from
duty on the Merrimac. The quarter
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06

OF the colonies established nv I'll.
salvation Army, Commander Booth
Tucker said, in recent interview.
We now have three colonization
farms, which, for the sake of preserv-
ing the military terminology, we call
forts. The first is Fort Ronie. in Cal
ifornia, where we have settled twenty
families, including eighty persons; the
second is Fort Sells, in Colorado. where
we have settled fifteen families. in
Guiding seventy persons, SO many of
whom are from Chicago that they cal,
1t suburb of Chicago. The number
of people in this colony is limited only
by the amount Of capital at our dispo-
sal. Our third farm is called Fort Her.
rick, after Colonel Myron r. Herrick
OF Cleveland, one of the most liberal
patrons. The farm which is known an
the James Parmalee place is situated
one mile from the lake and two miles
from Mentor, the home of President
Garfield. 1t contains 2s5 acres or fine
farming land and will provide homes
for fifty families. The purpose ia IN
divide most of this farm up into five-
acre lots and to erect on each OF them
cottage containing two or three
rooms. These little homesteads we will
rent to city families for, say. 81
sTeek, to enable them to embark in
the business of market gardening. We
rent to no one but agriculturalists. who
have moved to the city, have lost their
grip and want to get back to the couu-
try"
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06
rE PAINTED rwrcz
A rsaaur- ifssstra Nsgssass kn
an InKy of w-,tss.

a moiofnsu In BgusHsa ID
tv!cc Tuesday nl5hi. 0aes tssa i
and 0ucr because hr toaaa ,aa !.
Dot crushed eui : auasH uss !
tbs mOst remAFEab.n Fncsxrs
hsooklya. lie "a dssrrsa, 'sua 4
kiad. saya the New YORK aszl8
wan FuunIax his car Aiozs a. NJ
a. 100 o'clock. whsn iAs xaess
sAs a llSuru lyink apoa the t'zss
tFied To stop the car. he wss 80
ThsEg vas a ~hiFFsnE sogra. q u
lag. gTinfInk no.zr. @hlcs rsss
erassd. and thsn the car ssrssss
s0iorman sa~ a sboc oTrs - ~
chs ,rnesr. lie pat als hsszs ;
face aaj fell backward in q Eat
More than a scufc 81 paav-rs1
birached faces left The ca - =
AZ tho form beassta the if=su
linbs ucrs twisted about - n
ard uisgs uf s,rs~ show-s ssEs
torn elughlnE. II. passerIs-
much difficulty. rr,,iea,sd ~
which had hssa run osrr Az 70
was that Of a SPANISH kensfsl I Z
distraction. The fnaa wAo al
run over had a card across - =
which bore che inscriptions IN
Wsylsr." Hail a dpgea fssxfssn
meanwhile succeeded Ia ~s'raa
m0tornan. Did tiil hls'
the kRlsht n the lever. vass
viTsd. That's all riss,, 81
said good-nstgrsd rsstsrsr
Ping the riotorman on ,hs -
"li IVES straw one this tue =
was In a dazr. tie lUossd Il Nv
SenEers and then AZ tho listers
ure upon The pavement lie -
upOa his car. released The t'f
ran his empty rorvsyarcs
speed up she avenue lie siops*
IN front o' the police station ~
donsd hls chr and rushed u
house Sergeant" he sas
killed n man down ut Powell
There was scurrylnz around y
ton house. A patrol wasos -
to the scene Of tho accident
minutes later three dlsg1ssss
Policemen came back. "Bfse y
man." said one of them 10 ~
eyed motormnn. "Your sic'i"
man Of stray" being told 70
up" the motormsn tainted ap
was revived with appropriate
lants and n few minutes Later
running his car agaip, pi""
happy.
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06

The convention of representatives
appointed by five Australian colonies
to draw up bill for the constitution
OF an Australian commonwealth has
concluded its labors, and the bill was
submitted to plebistice vote On
June 3 in four colonies, and on June
4 in the fifth. The bill contains soma
manifest imperfections, the different
colonies or States" as they are to be
called, having refused to place their
railways under one federal control and
to transfer the administration of their
public debts to the federal govern
ment. The right of the federal gov
eminent to tax is also greatly limited.
the colonies shrinking from entrustine
too much financial power to it. Owing
to these defects section of the COM
munity is averse to accepting the bill.
Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1898-08-06

In troublous times the wisest and
best Of men and women are preserved
from inward disturbance and insanity
because they fully believe in the silent
activity and supremacy Of truth and
goodness. They see that in this human
world of ours there is great deal going
on besides disorder and corruption, vio-
lence and misery. The late Doctor Fur
ness Of Philadelphia, once said to a
friend, THE devil makes much noise
and show with his work, and alarms us
all; but God is silently busy all the time
in a world He has made to His own
hand; and He does infinitely more,
while we think nothing about it."