The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-16
HUMoR oF TAE DAY.

HUMOR Or THE DAY.
"Can you tell me how I can get
some work, sir?" The Citizen (crusti.
ly)-'Yes; buy bicycle and try to
keep it clean"
Ethel-"Who was that man?" PEN
elope-"That was Dobson, the great
composer. He manufactures soothing
syrup. London Tit-Bits.
Hewett-"It's terrible to have peo-
pie doubt your word" Jewett--
Especially when you know yourself
that you are lying. '-Standard
Teacher-"If you don't study your
lessons you might as we'll not come to
school at ALL" Pupil--"Me mother
wouldn't let me do that Puck.
Wife enthusiastically" -"How much
do you think we took in at the bazaar?"
Husband (quietly)-"How many, you
mean. Adams Mass Freeman.
She-"Did papa bring you to the
Stock Exchanged" His Lordship-
eyes, It's very nice, to be sure, but
l think / prefer Monte Carlo. Puck.
Flint see where Boston is going
to spend over S1,000,000 on these
pneumatic tubes" Flam--"That's a
lot of money to blow in. ."--Standard.
First Salesman-"W shall do?
She says she don't want any cheap
limitations. Second Salesman
"Show her an expensive imitation. -
Puck.
Bobby-"If God sends babies round,
why didn't mamma pick out prettier
one?" Paul" Cause s'pose she
knew beggars shouldn't be choosers."
Judge.
Jack-"How iaded and plain Miss
PlanlSington has become lately"
Tom-"Yes; that last railroad deal of
her fathers left him practically pen
niless. .".-Cleveland Leader.
A little boy was fishing, and, draw
ing in his line, found that the bait had
been taken off without result; where
upon he burst into tears and said: "It's
cheating. Pittsburg Dispatch.
Mrs. White-"Does your daughter
speak French fuently now?" Mrs.
Brown-''Well, she speaks something
huently, and it doesn't sound at all
like English, so perhaps it may be
French. ."-Somervile Journal.
Mrs. Roberts-"You seem to be in
a deep study, John" Mr.. Roberts
Whose daughter is taking her music
lesson in adjoining ROOM -'I am, my
dear, I was wondering if the inventor
of the piano died natural death. -
Puck.
Jinks-'I met Brobson as / en-
tered-fnancially embarrassed, isn't
he?" Filkins-"No; the embarrass-
ment was all on my part. He wanted
to borrow n thousand and was at my
wits end thinking up n good excuse"
Puck.
Kate-"He seems extremely de-
voted. He talks of going to the
Klondike for my sake" Beatrice
"Well, that would give you two
chances. He might come back with q
fortune or he might not come back at
all. Puck
''Did you know, my little boy"
asked the solemn old gentleman,
"that bee can fly faster than a
pigeon?" 81 didn't know it before"
said the little boy, "but l know he
can set down a heap harder. Gin
cinnati Enquirer.
"What we propose to do away
with" said the reformer, lis the
practice of allowing corporations to
get valuable franchises for nothing"
81 didn't know they ever did, said
the civic statesman in astonishment.
Indianapolis Journal.
Client-"You say that when l buy
on a margin, and the stock depreciates,
am to put up more margin. But in
case it goes up, what happens in that
case?" Broker-"Ih hats matter that
needn't trouble you; it won't happen.
Boston Transcript.
The Tragedian lin the Klondike)-
'Why is there so much sneezing in
the audience?" The Super-"It's the
dust, sir, An usher has Just turned
down two seats that were occupied
last night by those Klondike miners"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
ely" he cried, with me-. Tho
poster girl contemplated him calmly.
''Well, / certainly won't run, / tell
you those, she replied In point of
fact, the brand of ink of which she
was constructed was ample guarantee
of that Detroit journal.
Mrs. Brown-So Mrs. Jones is near.
ly dead from insomnia? What is the
cause of it?" Mrs. Smith Indignant.
her hush and is the cause
of it. He talks in his sleep, you know,
and she has TO lie awake all night to
find out what he is saying, poor thing
Judge.
Family Friend-"I congratulate
you, my dear sir, on the marriage of
your daughter. l see you are gradu.
ally getting all the girls of your
hands. Old Olivebranch Ion my
hands, yesl But the worst of it is,
have to keep their husbands on their
feetl'-Melbourno Times.
Mr.. Dunham-"I have called, sir,
to tell you that your daughter. Miss
Fannie, aud / love each other very
dearly. l want TO ask you for her, "
Old Millyuns-"W "WelE you'll have to
wait awhile. There's no vacancy in
the store now that / could put you
INTO. Cleveland Leader.