Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1898-08-27
TOLD ABOUT TOWN.


TOOODOI
The minister was discussing rates
for performing wedding ceremonies. II
had an experience recently that made
me vexed at the time, p" he said, ''but
which now causes me to laugh when
ever it comes to my mind. One after
noon had arranged to 60 driving,
having hired a carriage, which was in
waiting at my gate, when suddenly a
Young man rushed to the door and
asked me if L would tie the knot for
him. / said / would. He stated that
he did not have his intended with him.
but would hurry and go after her. 1
promised him / would wait He
came finally-it was nearly O'Clock.
l united them in wedlock. and gave
them some advice that all young peo-
pie need on starting out on the sea OF
matrimonial bliss. They both seemed
happy. He asked me what the fee
was. l said there was no fixed
charges and he handed me over so
cents, and stalked away arm in arm
with his newly welded. 1t was too
late for the drive, but had to pay $3
for the carriage just the same. Well,
l was out $3.50. And then they say
US ministers make lots Of money from
marriages"
An adjoining town furnishes
story, which, while apparently in
credible, is nevertheless found upon
investigation to be true. A citi-
zen who resides in the town,
and is employed in Rock Island, had
a bundle of clothing stolen while rid
ing in car on his way to work.
The thief, who said his home was
in Davenport, was captured and
jagged in the village cooler. He was
taken before the justice.
The fellow told his tale, and at
tempted to make it appear that he did
not intend keeping the clothing,
which he said he picked up because
he thought the owner had mislaid it.
What was your mission here?"
inquired the dispenser of justice.
II came out to buy lawn mower"
"Well-and the court paused to
think-''the only way you can prove
to the court that your intentions
were honorable and legitimate is to
go and purchase that mower" This
the prisoner agreed to do, luckily
having sufficient money. Accom-
panied by the Justice and the marshal,
he went to the hardware store,
purchased the grass annihilator and
went his way happy.
A night bell boy at one of the hotels,
while in a dream the other day,
marched from his bed chamber, almost
stark naked, down through the office
into the toilet room, giving no heed
to the laughter among the guests
which his appearance caused.
The clerk followed him and asked
what allied him.
Il am looking for my shirt, re-
piled the boy.
You had better get your trousers
first
"Oh, got them on all right"
you have not" and the clerk
slapped the little fellow on the limb.
This awakened him, and with his
face Illuminated with bushes he sked-
dadled off to his room.
Abe Rosenfield has a new story.
Hear him tell it: Say, boss, I'm
heah to state dat US culled folks is
not bein' treated right in dis wah.
When de white soljahs leave home de
BAN rendahs sweetly Il Love Her In
the Same Old Way and The Girl
Left Behind Me- but when de dar-
keys is going away dey plays All
Coons Look Alike to Me, an i Don't
Care if You Never Come Back -
-
Speaking of matter which comes by
mail, here is an offering from a near
by village, being in the form of a return
card on an envelope: If not called
for in 10 days return to --,
Acting Pastor United Presbyterian
Church. Job Printer, Justice of the
Peace and Notary Public
Who Will BE Our Next President