The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-03-08
FLASHES OF FIN.


-
The Two Classes.-'T see that Tim.
Minis Is getting out another novel"
Historical or sterlcalr'-Indianap
olls Journal
Military nt.-Lieutenant-
Good evening, Miss. You look like a
regiment of rosebuds tonight. File
gende Batter.
They say all the necessaries of life
are very dear In the Klondike." mot
at all. Ice is so cheap they can't give
IL away."-Puck.
Photographer-"Now, try to look like
yourself" Noting the effect-'well-
er, Inn; try to look like somebody
else. Life.
Johnny-"Papa, what Is n factionY'
Papa-"lt Is term used to describe
that section OF the party TO which you
do not belong. Puck.
Friend-"This seems to be comfort
able fiat" IIarlemite-"It does. 1t
makes that impression on everybody
who doesn't live In it."-Puck
Elderly CoQuette (sentimentally)-
Yes, my dear Mr.. Assessor. love is
eternal" Assessor (frightenctD-"So l
eive.'-Fliegende Batter.
Experience" said Uncle Eben, 'is
er good teacher; but education Is Hble
ter be wasted on er man dat don pen
on muffin else. "-Washington Star.
Executive would appoint your
man, but he's too ignorant for the po-
lice force" EIeeler.-"Den put him on
the school board."-New York Herald.
Does my whistling disturb your
"Oh, not In the least. I'm used to hear
ing men whistle. I'm collector for n
millinery ouse."-Yonkers Statesman.
A Long Head.-"Why does that hard
drinking Beaslcy wear his hat all the
timer For fear he can't get II on IL
he takes 1t off."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Mistress-"Bridget, are there any let
tiers for me this morning." Bridget
only two postal cards, but there's
nothing of Importance in em.''-Flie-
geDde Batter
A Dilemma.-"Well, George, dear.
II wish l knew" knew what -
what am expected to think. "-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer
How 1t May Be.-"People are not
alike, and what suits one may not
please another" 81 guess that's right.
What Is one mans bicycle is another
mans tuggernaut."-Puc
Il hear" said the zephyr, that YOU
have been raging through the north
west Never was n worse mistake"
hoHled the blizzard. Il was quite
cool. "-1ndlanapolis Journal
He docking out at the window)-'It's
so bright and cheerful within and so
cold and gloomy without" She
Without whatT" He-"Why, without
you, nrest."-Chicago News.
Marriage" said the Sentimental
Girl, as lottery" But the trouble
is" said the Pessimistic Bachelor,
that the man takes most of the
chances. "-Indianapolis Journal.
How He Filled in His Timc.-Magis-
trate-"What do you do during the
week. Tramp-"Nothing." Magis-
trate-"And on Sunday?" Tramp
Then take day off."-Tit-B Bits.
Husband-"Maria, wake up quick.
The house is on fire. You save the
baby" Wife-"Oh, my wheel, my
wheel.' Husband-"Come on, | car
ried that out first. Rochester Herald.
First Mother-"Don't you find it n
great relief to have the children in
school again?" Second Mothcr-"WeI.
1t would be if they didu't learn so
many new questions to ask. Tit Bits.
Jean-"Why do you never speak to
Mr.. Outret He is uncouth, but | feel
sure lie IS a diamond in the rough. -
Katherlne-"So do /. That's why I'm
cutting him. Cincinnati Commercial.
Good Friend.-"I have reason to sus-
pect that your husband is flirting with
other women. You ought to follow him
wherever he goes" Great heavens,
My husband is postman."- iIliegcnde
Blatter
The Wise Proprietor Guest lin
cheap restaurant)-"IIcre. waiter, this
meal is simply vile. ] won't pay for f..
Where's the proprletor?' Waiter
Hes out at lunch, r."-PhiIadelphia
Record.
No Difference.