Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1898-08-04
Scores the Cubans.

Scores the Cubans.
"WelL sir" said Mr.. Dooley "durD
thin Cubians. If was Gin'ral Shafter
I'd back up tn wagon in front iv tn dure
an I'd say to Gin'ral Garshy, I'd say,
I want YOU an I'd have thin all down
at tn station an dacently booked be tn
desk sergeant before tn fall iv night.
TIL impydince iv them!'
"What have they been doin'!' Mr.. Hen
messy asked.
"Failin' to understand our civiliza-
tion," said Mr.. Dooley: ''Ye see it was
this way. This is tn way it was. Gin
raj Garshy with wan hundherd thousan
mems been fghtin' bravely FIR two years
FIR to liberyate Cuba. FIR two years he's
been marchin' his sivinty-fve thousan
men up an down tn island desthroyin'
tn naughty Spanyard be tn millyons.
Whin war was declared he offered his
own sarvice an tn sarvices iv his ARMY
iy fifty thousan' men to tn United States,
an while waitin' f'r ships to arrive he
marched at tn head iv his tin thousan'
men down to Sandago de Cuba an cap
tured cigar facthry which they soon
rayiooced to smokin ruins. They was
holdin' this position-Gin'ral Garshy an
his gallant wan thousan' men-whin Gin
raj Shafter arrived. Gin'ral Garshy i'm
medjitly offered tn sarvices iv himself
an his two hundred men FIR tn capture
iv Sandago, an whin Gin'ral Shafter ar
rived, there was Gin'ral Garshy with his
gallant band iv fifty Cubians re-ready to
eat at minyit's notice.
"GinAral Shafter is a big, coorse, two
listed man firm Michigan, an whin he
see Gin'ral Garshy an his twenty-five
gallant followers, 'Fr-ront,' says he. This
way he says, step lively, he says, AN
move some iv these things he says. Sir
says Gin'ral Garshy, dye take me FIR 4
dhray? he says. I'm a sojer,' he says,
mot a baggage car he says. I'm Gu
Eian pathrite an I'd lay down me life an
the lives iv iv'ry wan iv tn eighteen brave
men iv me devoted army he says, but
I'll be durn'd if l carry a thrunk,' he
says. I'll fight whiniver it's COOL he
says, AN they amt wan iv these twelve
men here that wudden't follow me any
where if they was awake at tn time he
says, but he says, if twas wurruk We
were lookin' FIR we cud have found it long
ago. he says. "They'se lot iv it in this
country that nobody's usin', he says
What we want he says, is freedom,
he says, AN if We think we have been in
tn woods dodgin' tn savage corryspon-
dint FIR two year. he says, FIR tn sake iv
r-rushin' ye'er laundry home,' he says,
tits no wondher,' he says, that tn
r-roads firm Marinette to Kalamazoo is
paved with goold bricks bought be tn
people iv ye'er native State he says.
$50 Shafter had to carry his own
thrunk an we'll it was FIR him that it
wasn't Gin'ral Miles, tn weather bein'
hot. An Shafter was mad clear through,
an whin he took hold iv Santiago an was
sendin' out invitations he scratched Gar
shy. Garshy took his gallant band iv six
back to tn woods and there tn three iv
thin ARE now. ARMED with forty r
rounds iv canned lobster an r-ready to
raysist to tn death. Him an tn other
man has written to Gin'ral Shafter to tell
him what they think iv him, an it don't
take long,"
"Wen," said Mr.. Hennessy, II think
Shafter done wrong. He might've asked
Garshy in FIR to see tn show, SEEM that
he's been hangin' ar-round FIR long time,
doin' tn best he cud.'
cit isn't that" explained Mr.. Dooley.
9Th throuble is tn Cubians don't undher-
stand our civilization. Over here freedom
means hard wurruk. What is tn ambi-
ton iv all iv us, Hinnissy? 'Tis ayether
to hold our jub or to get wan. We want
Wurruk. We must have it. Dye raymim-
Der tn sign tn mob carried in tn process
sion las year. Give us wurruk or we
PERISH it said. They had their heads
bate in be polismen because no philan-
thropistd come along an make thin
shovel coal. Now, in Cuba, whin tn
mobs turns out they carry banner with
tn wurruds: Give us nawthin' to do or
we perish Whin Cuban comes home
at night with happy smile on his face
he don't say to his wife an childer:
Thank Gawd, I've got wurruk at last
He says: Thank Gawd, I've been fired
An tn childer go out an they say: 'Pah-
pah has lost his job an Mrs. Cuban
buys hersilf a new bonnet, an where
wanst they was sorrow ar despair all is
happiness an cottage organ.
"Ye can't make people here undher-
stand that, an ye can't make a Cuban
understand that freedom means tn same
thing as pinitinchry sintince. Win we
thry to get him to wurruk he'll say: Why
shud I? haven't committed amy crime
That's goin' to be tn throuble Tn first
thing we know we'll have another war IN
Cuba whin we begin disthributin' good
Jobs, - hours a day, wan sivinty-hve.
TIL Cubians amt civilized in our way. l
sometimes think I've got touch " Cu-
bian blood in me own veins. "-ChicaSo
Journal.