davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11
KURNEL BUNKER.
Some of His Army Experiences, as Related
by Himself.

by Himself.
Eyes, sab, | will smoke, sah,'' replied
Kurnel Bunker after tenderly setting
down his glass and carefully wiping off
his mousfache. Il hold, sab, that
smoking is one of the attributes of
gentleman, sah and that there is as
much genteelness in smoking a cigar in
proper form as in bowling yourself out
of drawing room. Thereto | SMOKE,
sab, and l enjoy it, sab, and this cigar
promises to be a good one.
''Speakin' of the wah, sah-speakin'
of what had been termed the fratrici
dial tragedy" continued the Kurnel as
he settled down, 81 have every reason
to believe that | came out Of it with
k.credit to myself and the cause. | don't
refer altogether to my conduct in bat
tie. There were side issues, sah-sev-
leral side issues-which | had to face
rand overcome. Soon after l became
Majah of my regiment | met up with
Majah Goodwin, of an Alabama regi-
sment. We were thrown together by
accident, sab, and We became convivial,
: sab, and it was while in a state of con-
viviality that Majah Goodwin expressed
the wish that we had a Napoleon to
lead the Confederate troops. l could
only take his word as an imputation on
the military skill of the gallant Cen
eral Lee, sab, and almost as soon as
he had uttered them my glove struck
his face and | asked him to name the
time, place and weapons. There we
were, sahr-Majah Bunker VS.. Majah
Goodwin, and we met, at sunrise the
next maWnin' with swords as weapons
was never in better spirits in my life,
sah-cool, calm and determined, and |
resolved to foce the fighting from the
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11
ONE ON THE CLERK.

Just after the night clerk had come
on at the hotel and curled his nous
tache to his liking, his attention was
called to business.
kerosene lamp for 237," requested
the bell boy.
'Kerosen lamp" echoed the clerk,
as he whirled the register about. Let
me see Bondly and wife, OF Plunker-
Vile, in 237. | thought so. Never
been in first class hotel before. Go
back and show them how to use the
electric light. Wonder they didn't send
for a tallow candle" and the clerk took
several of the corridor loungers into
his confidence.
Lady says if this hotel can't afford
a lamp to send up a gas stove, ard send
it quick said the bell boy, who mad
made the round trip in phenomenal
time "She acts pretty hot.
pretty cold, ! should think. GO
hack there and open the register, show
the ladv how to use the water faucets
and how to turn off the electricity:
Thank the Lord, she can't blow it out,
The next word from 231 came with
q rush. It was brought by vision 81
Ioveliness dressed in bewitching style,
bor face flushed and her blue eyes
throwing off sparks. Make out c'F
bill and receipt il ar once, she SAID as
her dainty foot beat time on the marble
thing.
Put, Mrs Bondly-'
ATTEND to my order, sir. Include IN
your bill a carriage and an express
wagon to transfer us and our Shlngs'
ard tell MI Bondly when he comes IN
that he will Grd US at the other house
where we will spend the rest OF the
season. Understand we must go az
once. / want to go to hotel where i
will be possible to warm some milk LOT
baby before the little angel starves TO
death"
Then the loungers had fun with the
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11

mistakes. Probably not one man out of
fifty could fill The place"
Not one out Of a thousand, sir"
said the sWitchman as he stftened his
back still more
That's why they put you here. of
course. You are OF far more value to
the lines right here than you would be
as Secretary or Treasurer.
That's true-thats true"
And remember that the eyes of
thousands OF pedestrians are upon you
daily"
Il do that"
And think Of the lives intrusted to
your vigilance, One moment of forget
rhinestone false move of that crow
bar-and the lives of scores of limo
cent passengers would Be"
See here" said the switChman as he
spat over his shoulder with great dig
nifty and at the same time made a
kick at a passing dog, you seem to be
a good man. and Ia be glad to talk
with you, but I'm filling this dangerous
post. and | must keep my eyes about
me, and the President may come along
at any moment and you must excuse
me sir, for"
"F0r asking me to pass on? I see
how it is and III pass. Give the Prsi-
dent my regards if he stops, and | hope
you'll use your influence with the
Board of Directors to have the John
Street Line extended to Blossom Ave
nue. this summer"
Copyright. 1898, by The International Lat
erary and News Service.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11
THE CLERGYMAN's STORY.

I'm afraid your mind is full Of very
odd fancies I'm afraid some spirit
ualists have been talking to you"
said |.
Perhaps they have" said she.
ANYHOW, | believe that spirits can re-
turn and speak to the people they
love. If you admit that our souls live
hereafter, you can't be sure they have
not the power to go wherever they
will"
Il SUPPOSE you'll be tipping the
tables and bringing raps from unseen
knuclles upon the walls some day
said |. Pleasant, that, for your old
grandfather"
"Grandpapa." said she, Il don't sup
pose 1 shall ever be able to do anything
Of the sort; but If | die before you l
shall come back and take a peep into
this old study-see If don t.
She tripped away, my little grand
daughter. as she said this, smiling at
me over her dimpled shoulder as she
went. She was only sixteen, and as
fresh as a rosebud. Die? One could
hot think Of death and her at the same
moment.
| sat down at my desk again and
opened my newspaper, but somehow l
could not fix my thoughts upon IT, l
kent thinking Of Nelly. ! knew that
she had gone away to spend the bright
holiday hours with her boy lover.
knew that life was at its sweetest
with her now. but ! have lived too long
not to know that many troubles lurked
h ambush for her on her long life
rath. that sickness and sorrow and
death must come to her as they come
to all, and it troubled me to know it.
Why could she not remain the same
sweet thing. half child, half woman,
that she was now?
Oh. inevitable Time, inevitable Fate,
how p0werless We feel when We think
upon you, / could shelter Nelly be-
meath my roof / could leave her all
the fortune | possessed, but could not
prolong her life one hour or set her in
any place where calamity could not
reach her.
| went out into my garden and tried
to digpell the sadness that had stolen
over me- but IL increased instead Of
vanishing. ! grew more unhappy than
| had often been under the weight Of
actual trouble. and | grew nervous also
a sound made me start. 7 glanced
down the lane continually, as though
| expected something. and with alarm.
Yet why. | knew not.
II was warm summer afternoon.
and the air was full Of the perfume Of
flowers; the birds Gang. the sky was
unclouded blue At last I began to
think that was III. and | returned 10
my study and cast myself upon the
sofa, hoping TO lose my melancholy in
sleep.
For long while lay wide awake.
thinking OF all the sad events Of my
life, CT all the possibilities Of the fu-
ture. short as my years were likely TO
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11

sult was that | called him out. He was
n brave and gallant man, and was on
hand TO the minute He chose pistols,
and | felt it my duty to remove MIN
10 another sphere Of action. A brave
and gallant man. sab, but he was Kill
ing too many horses for my credit. We
had taken cur stand and were ready
for the word When the Federals sud
denly attacked our center. General
| ZEE sent in an aid to find me and to or
der me to hurl my regiment into the
thick of the fight, and he came upon
us at the critical moment. | was
about to shoot Kurnel HCpson through
the head. but orders from the CHIEF
were not t. be disobeyed. AS | turned
away l said:
"'Kurnel Hcpson, cur affair is off
for an hour or SO.
"'When we have beaten the Federals
back he replied
"But it was not to be, sah-nOt to
be-" sighed Kurnel Bunker as he rose
up "When we had beaten the FEEDER
ais back-When my gallant regiment
had performed deeds to live in history
forever returned to the field Of
hCnah. Alas ! had no opponent,
Kurnel Hopson had fallen in the thick
of the fight dying as soldier should,
and there was no enc for me to shoot
at. And, egad sab. he probably went
to his death still firmly convinced of
the report of the eleven horses-the
eleven horses shot under me at Man
assas, Too had ssh-t0o bad, 1t was
an utter waste Of eight good horses
Copyright 1898 by the International Lit
erary News Service.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11

nuthin'!
NO"
"Wall, boys, the Major is a good
man, and l amt sayin' a word agin'
him. jest want to put case to you.
Sposen it was a wet. dark night?
'Sposen you ten fellers was up town and
wanted to put in three.er four hours?
'Sposen you was standin' .i-.front Of the
postoffice, and Major Wellman was
lookin' at you? | amt sayin' he
would step out and ask you to drink
with him, but I'm sayin' Id so heap
further than that myself. Boys, you
know my reputation around these
parts"
"Of being the biggest liar in the Ter
ritory?'
That's it, and right here is where it
counts. The Major would stop at
drink and hand-shake. but I'd throw
that door wide open, yell out for the
crowd to come in, and when | got you
all in your chairs, with a pipe in every
mouth and jug on the table, I'd begin
to lie about bars and wolves and wild
cats and keep it up till every man
h'ar stood up and pushed his hat off.
1t amt the postoffice you want TO look
out for, but for the lynn, and for the
bewtiful evenin's you'll pass with the
biggest kind Of liar. Is Major Well
man a liar? Did any nj ever hear
him lie? Could he cook up bar story
to make anybody shiver? Think of
these things and make no mistake.
Z Uncle Ike got the ten names on his
list and was duly appointed.
Downright. 1898, by the International Lit
erary and News Service)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11
LAYING OVER THE MAJOR

There was to be a new postmaster
appointed at Golden Hill, and Major
Wellman was put forward by the Big
Jack Mining Company and looked to be
a sure winner. Uncle Ike White took
the field. however, and then both can
didates went about with petitions.
Each felt that the ten men working
the Red Horse Claim would settle the
matter whichever way they went; so
the Major went down to see them and
took along plug Of tobacco and pint
bottle of whisky for every man. When
he had worked things up to the right
point, he said:
well, boys. you know | want to be
postmaster Of Golden Hill. and I'd like
to have you sign my petition. ! prom
Use to run the office in good shape, if
appointed
Coin to put on any style over
thinr?" asked the leader Of the ten.
Not a bit. l shall always be glad to
see any of you
And free drinks"
"Well, now and then"
won't think you are better'n any
body else if you get the Officer
Certainly not. You'll find me just
as l am now"
The men were almost ready to sign,
but thought it would be only fair TO
hear what Uncle Ike had to say for
himself first. A day or two later he
came down to see them, and when he
heard what the Major had done and
promised. he said:
Boys, I didn't bring nuthin' to drink
and no terbacker. I was afraid you
might think l was tryin' to buy you.
As understand it, Major Wellman
says he won't put on no pertickler
style If elected"
That's his promise.
And he'll treat the crowd once in
awhile
He says he will"
And he won't feel pulled up nor
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11

word. I even had the spot selected
through which my sword was TO pass
into the Majah's body. | should nave
killed my man, sah-pierced nm
through and through, but as we re-
ceived cur swords he remarked to me:
'Msjah Bunker, | wish it to be I'M
derstood that | had no thought OF cast
ing aspersions on the character Of cur
brave general. l meant that Napoleon
should only lead under Lee, "
THAT put different lock on mat
tiers, of co'se," said the Kurnel, and
after some further conversation the
duel was declared off. As a man OF
Lonah. sab, | had taken the Majah as
he said; as a man OF honah, sab, he
had said one thing and meant another.
General Lee sent for me, but what
passed between Us l shall hold sacred
sacred as the grave, sab. Don't you
think smoking conducive to thtrst?'
l did, and after the Kurnel lad put
in eight minutes assuaging the dry
ness of his throat he picked UP the
remnant of his cigar and continued:
"Egad sab, but give a man a repu
tation as a duelist and his work will
he cut out fer him. 1t soon became
nolsed about that | had brought Maj
ali Goodwin to book, and ! had scarce
ly been promoted to d Leutenant-C0l-
onelcy when Adjutant General Ora
ham of the Third Corps took oppor-
tunity to criticise the way / led my
men into action at Glendale. When
the regiment, san. | waved my sword
lowered it, and the Adiutant contend
ed that / was short by two waves. We
had an argument which grew into a
dispute, and at length l looked him
straight in the eyes and said;
"Adjutant Graham, should it be your
pleasure to meet me on the field of
honah l will endeavor TO wave my
sword until one or the other of us has
received full satisfaction
''Egad, sab, hut I've been told that
my remarks were trite and to the point
and | rather reckon they were. We
met early next mawnin,. My attitude
was the same as 'befo sah-the same
as lbefo'. That is, it was calm and de-
termi1ed, with a feeling that l should
conquer. To do the Adjutant justice,
he toed the mark, but there was a
great difference in CUR demeanOr-a
great difference in my favor. We were
about to place ourselves on guard when
the Adjutant stepped back and said:
"'Kurnel Bunker, l am heah at your
service-at your service, sah-but as a
man of honah | wish to make an ex-
PLANTATION. At Glendale You waved
your sword five times around your
head and called upon your brave mem
to follow you. l was under the ideaa
sab, that the tactics called for sevea
waves, and hence our dispute and thi8
meeting. Last evening l looked IN
the matter and discovered that WI
were both wrong 1t is six waves AZ
the sword Kurnel Bunker-six waxk
and determination to conquer
die
fWell, sah," said the Kurnel as
SLOWLY pushed the ashes off his cigB
W.T. his finger, "as We We're boz
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11

wrong, and as we were both men OF
honah, the only way to do was 10
shake hands over the matter and be-
come reconciled. | was pleased, ana
yet not quite satisfied. | had deter
mined to pink the Adjutant, sah-to
pink him in the right shoulder, and
felt that l had surrendered a privilege
The credit of calling him out was
mine, however, and / could not fail to
observe that / had gained point or
two. Fo' weeks later l was full kur-
nell You can draw your own inference,
sah-your own inference. l CoserVe
that it is now three o'clock in the eve
ming. 1t is my usual custom at this
hour. That is, at three o'c-ock IN
the evening"
There was no reason why his usual
custom should be broken in upon, and
after it had been duly respected ne
gracefully crossed his legs and mus
ingly observed:
II should have killed Kurnel Hop
son. sah-killed him stone dead at the
first fire, but for an unlocked for in
terruption. At the battle at Manassas
| had three horses shot under me
three horses. sab. A year later, one
day while conversing with Kurnel Hop
son on the incidents of that battle, he
turned and said:
'Kurnel Bunker, allow me to tip
my hat to you, sab. You had eleven
horses shot under you at Manassas
and yet you took it as a matter OF
co'se. You are a chevalier OF old, sab
"a chevalior of old. >"
"'Only three horses, Kurnel Hopson
only three. I replied
Eleven, Kurnel Bunker.
'''Three, Kurnel Hopson.
"And thus we disputed. sab. The
Kurnel had somehow got the number of
horses at eleven and wouldn't give up,
and of co'se I stuck to three. The re-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11

from the ceiling had been shot to
pieces.
And as l was sayin'," observed the
farmer as he reloaded his gun and
placed it within reach. the country de-
ponds upon the farmer, and the farmer
orter hev his say about these things"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-09-11
dollars to-day, was calculating to di-
vide with you"

dollars to-day, was CALCULATING TO d.
vide with you"
But now?' she asked.
But now I don't! No roof-garden
no supper-no diamonds no cash!
A woman who will coolly and deliber-
ately enter into partnership with old
Webster, a soap-maker and grocer
to beat and swindle and defraud in
nocent little children is no wife Of
mine!'
But I had to spell correctly" she
protested
THAT is another insult, Mrs. Bowser
another insult. l am going out.
shall prcbslbly drop you line from
some hotel. l wish you separately
and an un-ri-valed and a des-scrip-
tive gOCd-eyeningi"
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1898-08-17

navy. Ever since she was launched at
the Norfolk navy yard in 1892 she has
had the very worst of luck-until Capt.
Philip was assigned to her less than a
year ago. Even while the Texas was
building several men were fatally hurt
while at work upon her, and one me-
chanio plunged to death from her
deck.
Her engines were burned in a fire
at the Richmond iron works, and her
bronze propeller was broken, and hor
first trip. Every turn she took she
seemed to go awry. She swamped a
schooner in her first dock trial, one of
her turrets very nearly sank her while
at the dock, and while dry-docked in
November, 1895, 1t was found that she
had structural weakness that cost
$125.000 to remedy.
Every one Of the Texas trial trips
was unfortunate. In one Of them her
eccentric strap got hot, in another her
condensers would not work, in another
her wheels wobbled and In a fourth
her steering gear was broken. She
lOSL Out VI utl at
Vile and had other minor mishaps
without end.
After this accident Capt Glass was
relieved from the command of the
Texas and Capt. Philip was assigned to
her. Even then she made one more at
tempt to prove hoodooism by running
afoul of a coral reef near the Dry Tor
tugas. This was in March of the pres
ent year, but the injuries were so tri-
fling that she was put to sea again in
few weeks. Since then she has be-
haved herself. The mistaken faith and
Christian fortitude of Capt. Philip was
too much for hoodooism.
The Texas was the first American
battle-ship built after English plans,
and this fact made her a cynosure for
long time.
JOHN EHLERT.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1898-08-17


Washington, August BIN accord
ance with the proclamation issued by
the president suspendlng hostillties
orders were issued yesterday afternoon
to the naval commanders at the sew
eral station in the United States Cuba
and Philippines, carrying into effect
the directions of the proclamation. The
navy department not only transmitted
commanders as to the disposition of
their vessels.
The following orders are self-explan-
atory:
Sampson, Santiago.
Macy Department, Washington, Au-
gust 13.-Suspend all hostilties. Block
AIDE of Cuba and Porto Rico Is raised.
Howell ordered to assemble vessels
at Key West. Proceed with New York
Brooklyn, Indiana, Oregon, Iowa and
Massachusetts to Tompkinsvlle. Place
monitors safe in harbor in Porto Rico.
Watson transfers his flag to Newark
and will remain IL Guantanamo. AS
semble all cruisers in safe harbors.
Order marines north on "Resolute."
Allen. Acting Secretary
Remey, Key West.
Navy Department. Washington, Au-
gust BIN accordance with the presl-
dents proclamation telegraphed you,
suspend all hostllitics. Commence
withdrawal of vessels from blockade
Order blockade vessels in Cuban wa
tiers to assemble at Key West
Allen, Acting Secretary.
The notification to Admiral Dewey
was not made public, but Assistant
Secretary Allen said that besides be-
ing put in possession of the presidents
proclamation he was ordered to cease
hostillties and raise the blockade OF
Manila.
In compliance with the orders sent
Admiral Sampson and Commodore
Remey. each will send vessel around
the coast of Cuba to notify the block
aiding squadron that the blockade mas
been raised. Admiral Schley being
ON the Brooklyn and included in the
orders to that vessel will come north
with hpr
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1898-08-17

Galveston, Texas, August 13.-Major
Foote paymaster in the regular army,
arrived here today for the purpose of
paying the soldiers at Fort Point and
the members of company l, Third Tex
as, stationed in the Denver resurTey.
He is just from Fort Black, and did
not know until today what narrow
escape he had from being robbed while
coming from the fort to Spofford juno
ton on the return trip.
Highwaymen held up the stage that
carride Major Foote to the train. The
driver was robbed of some small
change, but the man the robbers We're
after was safely on the train. They
had mlscalculated the time he would
arrive. That was Major Foote's first
trip to the West.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1898-08-17

Austin, Texas, August 13.-tSuperin-
tendent Taft of the Wells-Fargo Ex-
press company, called upon the rail
road commission yesterday evening and
asked for suspension of action until
his company could present argument
in the matter of who shall furnish the
war tax stamp required upon express
receipts. His request was granted
upon assurances given by him that
whatever The commissions final YER
dict in tie premises, his company
would abide by 1t.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1898-08-17

Mexico" and Central America and was
lighthouse inspector of the twelfth dis
trict.
In every position Capt. Philip has
given good record for himself. Thus,
eyewitnesses of the battle of Santiago
bay state that during the fierce fight
this typical Yankee commander stood
on the bridge of the Texas and direct
ed the operations of his vessel person
ally from the beginning to the close
of the memorable running engage
ment.' He just escaped being blown
to pieces once by the explosion of a
shell, mere accidental change in his
position being all that saved him.
Contrasts have been referred to re-
peatedly in this brief sketch Of a
Christian sailor. There is another con-
trast yet, the one between the deep re-
ligious feeling of the commander and
the popular superstition attaching to
his ship. The Texas has been account
ed the Jonah of the United States