Mesa free press., 1898-09-09

IT wonder what kind Of fish 1t Is
Gee. I'll bet It's corker"-Puck
Willy-Say, pa, what's a floating
debt? Pa-Our yacht, my son.--Chicago
News.
''The only trouble with my profes-
sion," said an ex-convict, sis that It =
apt to be rather combining one."-Ba-
zar.
She-Why do they call the State peni-
tentiary Sing Sing? He-Because OF tne
Jail birds therein, I guess.-Cornen
Widow.
Hewitt-How did you queer yourseiI
with that French girl? Jewitt--l asKeu
her to dance the german with me-
Judge.
Governess- thing %
keep back water Young pupil-When
papa says it, mamma always cries
London Sketch. n.
The father What proof have you
that you can support my daughter !? The
aspirant-Haven't been engaged 70
her for over year Puck.
Borrowing is disease" said Big
bee, in self-justifcation. And Lending
is Insanity" replied Small, significantly.
Philadelphia North American.
"Why, Julia, how the waist Of your
frOck smells of tar Eyes, mamma;
poor Mr.. Ratlines of the Naval Re-
serves has been bidding me good-by
again. - Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Ella--Where was 1t George proposed
to you last week Essie AT a hop. Ella
And you accepted him? Essie-At
jump.-New Orleans Times-Democrat.
'T see that glass bricks are coming
into general use,' said the popular sci
ence boarder. 'They won't invade the
gold-brick field" said the cheerful idiot;
they are too easily seen through. -
indianapolis Journal.
Haven't told you," asked the fath-
er, .sto always tell the truth? r Yes,
you told me that" the young man ad-
mitted, "and at another time you told
me never to become the slave OF hab-
Washington Star.
Harty Good many years since we've
seen each other, Jack; remember how
we used to live from hand to mouth in
college? Yes, that's still the case
with me. Harty-How SO? Jack-Pm
a dentist Boston Courier.
Madison i hear Mrs. Wheeler has
given up arguing against the bicycle,
and now rides tandem with her hus-
band. Lexington-Yes; SHE concluded
that was the only way she could get
ahead of him.-Exchange.
He (wondering If that Williams has
ever been accepted Are both your
rings heirlooms? She (concealing the
hand)- Oh, dear, yes! One has been in
the family since the time Of Alfred,
but the other is newer and (blushing
only dates from the conquest. Harlem
Life
MY wife, said the tall, lantern-jawed
man, rs as Womanly a woman as you
could find; but she can hammer nails
Like lightning" "Wonderful!' sang the
chorus. Lightning" the tall, lantern
jawed man continued, seldom strikes
twice in the same place. 49, Cincinnati
Enquirer.
What excuse, if 1t were possible to
have any excuse for such conduct, have
you for beating your wifeY asked the
Judge. "She flung 1t in my face that
didn't care rap for her." pleaded the
prisoner, "and just gave her one to
e,I,<~ 1,n Tn iov1 40
Journal.
Teacher (of Juvenile class ohnnie,
what was the first thing the PuritanS
did when they landed at Plymouth
Rock? Johnnie They fell upon their
knees Teacher That's right, Johnnie.
Now, Tommy, what was the next thing
they did? Tommy Fell upon the abor-
igines. - Chicago News.
"a great struggle arises in won.
ans mind when she is asked what her
new gown cost. said the Cornfed Phi
losopher. She is always in doubt
whether to cut the price in halves and
make you envy her the bargain, or
double it and make you envy her af-
ce."-Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. YoungI dreamt last night that
mother was coming to stay with me for
a month. Mr.. Young-Ah dear me,
dreams always go by contraries. Mrs.
Young--And / also dreamt that you
said couldn't have new dress. Mr..
Young HIM! funny, isn't 1t, how true
some dreams come Up.
'sThat," exclaimed the Spanish gener-
al, as he mopped the perspiration from
his brow, lis one Of the narrowest
escapes have had for some time"
what is the matterY inquired his aid.
"See this typewriter page? / said in
dtctation that was seeking light and
the amanuensis got 1t seeking fight r
Washington STAR
"My fortune Is madev' he cried. 81
will be rich beyond the widest dreams
Of avarice. shall start for the Klon-
dixie tomorrow. My chemistry will be
NV 90 Iva tinn - ssTJoU 40. houn va, 5{s