The record-union., 1898-10-11
THE MAJORS MUMMY.


in all the villages around Luxor, but
a bona-fide mummy OF warranted high
degree. A mummy, he reflected at the
time, would be a novel feature in a
scountry house. It combined the double
merits of a decoration and a "memen-
to mori.' Its gaunt and somber Inca
ments would serve to carry the mind,
in a forgetful age, back across the GEN.
turies as no historical work. could do.
Judged as a curio merely it would be
valuable. Such were the motives i'm
pelling the Major to his cumbrous and
costly purchase.
These ideas. unfortunately, were not
realized. The Christening influence of
the mummy, while admitted up to a
certain extent. was not appreciated by
the Majors wife or the Majors daugh-
ters. The servants could not stand it.
People who took the house vowed they
had seen it walking, and eventually it
was relegated to a. lumber-room and
forgotten. Not long ago accidental dis
covery brought it once more to light,
but the Majors infatuation had van
ished. Il will keep the skull and cross
bones," he said, "and the rest shall be
destroyed" This spoliation Of a vener-
also difficult. The Major did not know
how to clean the skull He questioned
the medical man who came to inspect
his lumbago, and the medical man said,
Bury it for fortnight in a soft place,
and don't think you'll have much diff
ficulty; boiling would be better, per-
haps, but your cook might be squeam-
ish.' So the Major buried his mummy
,@f% lit aud Of
the garden, choosing a dark night for
the interment.
All would have been we'll if the Ma
jor had reckoned with the gardener. He
had not. Consequently, when a week
later that individual came upon the
body while turning up the soil, he saw
sight which turned him up as well.
In such emergencies a gardener should
go directly to his master: this one
went and got a drink And being
thereby relieved, he communicated his
worst suspicious to a friend, and the
friend advised him to go to the police,
and so the fun began.
The Major was sleeping peacefully
the sleep of the innocent when the po-
lice arrived with mattocksl and lanterns
They first visited the grave. and hav-
ing satisfied themselves that the body
was there proceeded to the house and
rang up the Major It was about 3 a..
m. The Major tumbled out of bed
and abused them for crew Of drunken
vagabonds, bidding them begone. When
they rang second time he threatened
to call the police. But" came a con-
fused reply, 1--WE are the police"
Then what In thunder do you
want?" asked the Major.
one Of them said something about a
body in the garden, and the Major
guessed the rest.
III you are after that you'd better
go and ask Dr. Osborne about it." re-
marked the Major tartly. and banged
down the window
80 the posse went off to DR.. Osborne's
mouse, about two miles away, and rang
him up. 1t happened that he was much
aggrieved at not having the police
cases TO do, and when the police. there
fore, rang him up at an early hour of
the morning with vague requests for
information about body he consienE,
them generally to a warmer region and
told them to go and knock up Mr.. Drew.
who was their own man.
Off they went to Drew. who as luck
would have it, was out Of town. A
young assistant was in the house. how
ever, full Of zeal and keen to distin-
gulsh himself He got up and dressed
himself, stumbled off to the garden with
the Constahles-it was still as dark as
pitch-made a hasty postmortem with
the aid OF his olfactory senses and a
talloW dip, and pronounced life to have
been extinct something like fourteen
days. DR.. Osborne's prescription had
so far answered that the thing was all
soft and puffy; but the recollection of
his first> postmortem will linger in the
young assistants memory, for that
corpse had been dead for a matter of
thirty centuries, and the story got
around the local papers.
For the present, however, that put
the finishing touch. The body was
promptly eXhumed, reverently disposed
upon an improvised stretcher. and SOL
emnly carried off. In due course the
Coroner was advised of the affair. and
an inquest was ordered to be held. The
Major received his first intimation OF
the length to which things had gone in
the form of summons to attend the
Coroner's court. Then he thought the
matter had passed beyond a joke. The
coroner was a decent fellow and a
friend OF his; so. he called on him and
explained the whole circumstances. eff
you hold that inquest he said. "yo,,
VIII De making fool of yourself" and
the Coroner thought so too Conse-
quently the proceedings were cancelled
Ihere still remained the mummy to
deal with, however, and as this was
making its presence rather Extensively
teit In the parish. what must they do
put take, and bury it in the churchyard.
When the Major applied in due course
Tor MS property he was informed that
on no condition could II be restored
without Home Secretary's order or
some such thing. Being sick of the
business, he decided to let it be; SO
there reposes the mummy. away from
all Its complicated gods, snugly iostling
In consecrated ground the generations
OF departed tradesmen who have laid
their bones in Muddlesboro' church
yard.
Muddlesboro'?- ?-well, that is very
nearly the name; for the story is true
IN all essential particulars. and is not
an EFFORT or hction. Mummies have Of
ten played a part in similar affairs to
TINS, on paper, and, in fact, belong to
the legitimate stock in trade of the
writer or short stories But this mum
my story is record Of what really oc-
Cured, and not very long ago. either
Pail Mall Gazette.
N