davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Close Calculations.

Natural witticisms are always repeat ing themselves. Frances Power Cobbe says that she heard two Irishmen in London talking about the distance to Hampstead Heath. At length they met stranger, and one asked:
 "Can you tell me how far 1t is to Hampstead Heath?
 "Ten miles," was the reply.
 The Irishman turned to his friend. "Five miles apiecer said he. 'We can easily do that"
 It was a little American girl who unaae a sln-t.-- calculation. She and her sister were one morning so long in dressing that their mother came up to investigate.
 What nave you been doIng:" she called. ''I heard you up half an hour ago."
 "Oh, we don't know! Everything is wrong side out" answered Elsie, de spairingly.
 Well, how much longer will 1t take you" persisted the mother.
 AFYve minutes," called Maud, the du- tful.
 q want ten," put in Elsie, "so that makes fifteen"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Potatoes In the PuIpit.

A clergyman who enjoyed the sub stantial benefits of a fine farm was slightly taken down on one occasion by his Irish plowman, who was sitting on his blow ill the wheatfeld. The rever- end gentleman, being an economist, said, with great seriousness:
 John, wouldn't it be good plan for you to have a pair of pruning shears horo c,,-I hc 9-----tt Cow '','eI,s,e clone the fence while the horses arc resting a short time:
 John, with quite as serious a counte. nance as the divine himself, said:
 Look here. wouldn't it be we'll, sir, for you to have a tub of potatoes ill the pulpit, and while they were singing to peel 'em awhile to be ready for the pct?'
 The reverend gentleman laughed heartily and left. Pearson Weekly
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Duration of Hnman Life.

That the human being was intended tor greater length of life than Is usually attained III our artificial existence is probable from rhe fact that he does not reach his full and complete development until bis twenty fifth year The life If most of the low animals Is reckoned to be about five times their maturity Ill natural condition, and, although dis turbing causes interfere with human life in the present day, yet within cer- tain limits man is subject to the same laws as every other type of existence ill either the animal or the vegetable king dom.
 Nature has assigned to him certain period during which he should attain to a sound physical and mental maturity, and any attempt to cUrtail that period by early forcing is and must be neces- sariIy productive of lamentable results. The boy or girl may be developed under 8 system Of steady 'cramiuius i-;J .. highly accomplished man or woman long before full age has been reached. but it may be accepted as an axiom i'll almost all instances that tne earlier the development the earlier the decay The lesson to be learned from the records of those who have lived to advanced years Is that moderation in all things, whether physical or intellectual, is the secret of long life, and that it is easy by system atically violating this rule to produce at artificial old az
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Stevenson and His Nurse.

Alison Cunningham, Robert Louis Stevenson s old nurse, was much beloved by him, and he sent her a copy of each of his books, with lis own inscription on the fly leaf. Generally the inscription is just line CT two, "Aliscn Cunning ham, from her boy" or from her lad die. ." But one of the volumes, An In. land Voyage" u87S), contains the fol lowing
 My DEAR CUNEING-If you had not taken SC much trouble with me all the years of ny childhood, this little book would never have been written. Many long night you sat UT with me when was i'll. l wish l could hope by way of return, to amuse a single evening for you with my little book. But whatever you may think of it, know you will continue to think kindly of the author.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Bad Story Telling.

If Oscar Wilde's assumption were to be taken seriously, that all fiction is ly ing, it might account for much that aff1icts readers, since the lack of morale affects the intellect, and what is done without conscience is apt to be dOno badly Of course all fiction is not lyinG, as all killing Is not murder, but 1t Is a sad fact that many writers of novels ana snort stories seC;c 10 have left their cOnscieuces and much of their brains behind when tHav go forth to wCrE-us If these ooleE1n-s -i1as safely Iesa3ia IL stclUsIUu, win .LC dress oo@5 &u,i the white tie, to be brought out only for especial occasions. Artemus Ward once remarked that he had giant mind, but did not have it with him, and that tor the latter half of it) is apt to be the case with any of us when we are care less. True, even good Homer sometimes nodded, but this affords no example for us who are not Homers. To come to our tasks otherwise than with all our wits about us and invite public attention to the chance ''oozings of our brains" is as if one should issue from. his apart ments unshorn and half clad or enter upon the busy haunts of men without money in his pocket Frederic NJ Bird in Iippincctt'a g.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

The college boy who wins prize for the best essay or the best oratiOn, or who graduates with the highest hon ors is not in 1t to day with the boy who kicks a goal from the neld or gets around the end for touchdown. The brilliant student remains in Obscurity. The husky hero Of the gridirOn sees his picture in the papers, and reads with avidity column after column of full some rot about his feats on the football field. But the student still has an ad- vantage over the athlete. In his ma turer years he is much more likely 1o see his portrait among the list of those who have achieved greatness in the great battle of life.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
S2oO, ,Coo,Coo FOR TITLES.
That Amount and Good Girls Ex changed for Foreign Bridegrooms.

That Amount and Good Girls Ex-
 changed for Foreign Bridegrooms.
 The newspaper gossip about Miss Pauline Astor and Miss May Goelet, who, with their millions, are able to buy anything in the matrimonial mar ket that Europe has for sale, has re vived many "reminiscences of previous alliances of American ladies with for eign nOblemen. Rumor has it that ne gotiatiOns are pending for the marriage of Miss AstOr to Prince Alexander of Teck, and that Miss Goelet is hesitat- Ing between the Duke of Manchester and taI Dune o1 Iso4eSt.1l.4, L,.s whether sne takes one or the other neither Miss GOelet nor Miss AstOr will do any better than Miss Mackey, now the Princess Of ColOnna, or Miss Van derbilt, now Duchess of Marlborough. The question is only one of expense, for it Is perfectly well understood that the titles are for sale, and also that the higher the title the higher the price. A plain count may be had for $5O,O0O to $100,000, duke for $1 100000, or as uC Ndn SSl, dA prince for about the same; but prince of Germany of England comes much higher.
 During the last quarter of century over 400 alliances between American heiresses and foreign noblemen have been contracted. The fortunes trans ferred from America to Europe vary in amount From $50,000 to half as many millions, and so far as this country is concernca Is a total loss, because the noble foreigners prefer to spend at home the money they win in the Amer ioen r'"'rimonial lottery. II is esti- mated that during the last quarter or a century over S2C0,000,000 of money made in this country by American citi- 2eus l9s ucor sent a5r'a. a- toHEles for American heiresses who preferred titles to dollars.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
SCHOOLS AND POLITICS
\ Scheme With Real Estate Trimmings
 That Won In Oregon

That Won In Oregon.
 Speaking of schools in relation to politics, said the ex-boomer from Ore- gon, always reminds me of a campaign In which 1 was interested some years lgo. The Douglas county representative m the Oregon state legislature, realiz- ing that his popularity was not exceed lngly great, had been talking of build
 hg . new state normal school, presum- lbly at Roseburg, the county seat and his own home. This caused great con 5ternatiOn among the $50 inhabitants of the little city of Drain, who had been protiting by the courtesy title of Drain Academy and Oregon State Normal school, under which the school there had been run since 1885. The postmas- ter, who kept drug store and sold Ichool supplies, took counsel with his lster-in-law, who dealt in millinery and ran boarding house for students, and she sought the mayor, at whose general merchandise emporium she was the principal customer
 The mayor was a man who thought slowly, but to purpose, and, having set himself the task of devising some way of circumventing the member from Roseburg, he passed the next three days in profound cogitation. He con- ceived scheme whose various elabora- tions and notifications were too diver siied for him to handle alone, and he came to me for help had inst pained considerable influence in the county through backing d projected railroad to tLc coast and also as q real estate deal CT and sawmill owner With my bUsi- ness methods and the mayor s knowl- edge of the conditions confronting US our plans were soon put into operation First, we suggested the candidacy of an ambitious young Drainite, dealer in leather goods and hardware, for mem- Der of the legislature, taking all the wind out of his opponents sails by heartily indorsing the talk in favor of a new normal school Meantime we had large grain field of the mayor s, which had begun to lose its fertility on aG- count of generalization. surveyed into city lots, and as soon as our candidate had received the regular party nomina- tion we put the town site of East Drain, with it's streets named after conspicuous men of the state. on the market and gave one of its centrally located blocks for the new normal school
 Well. everything came to pass ex. actly as we had planned Our candidate was elected, and the building of the new normal school on the site we gave was authorized We sold a suinC.ale un,r Der Of East Drain lots to rro~o 'nsn rsv for tine land and all expenses. The cou- tractors on the new school were men who had aided the legislation authoriz- ing 1t, and they got their supplies from the mayor, their hardware from the member and their lumber from me My mill also supplied lumber for other buildings III East Drain, including a new boarding house for the milliner. who has prospered ever since The post masters increased business soon war ranted his moving into one of the two brick buildings Ill the city of Drain. and the former dealer i'll leather goods and hardware IS still member of the Oregon legislature New York Sun
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

1ne New fork Methodist preacher who married a sensational couple in a lions cage Is threatened with discip- lining by the church. The people of the whole country would heartily ap- plaud such a course. When marriages are performed for such sensational purposes 1t is not to be wondered at that our divorce courts are over-crowd- ed. Is marriage merely to be a spec tacle? We need little tightening of our ceremonies. They have become about as loose as is endurable. The less form, the less binding, is apt to be a true observation
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Ambiguous.

A noted evangelist Is fond of telling of his experiences in preaching to the negroes in the South.
 At the close of one of his meetings a very large old colored woman came up to him and shook his hand warmly while she said:
 God bless you, Brudder Jones! You's evahbody's preacher, an evahbody loves ter heah you preach, an evah niggah love to heah you: an, Brudder Jones, you breaches mo- like nlggah 44her any white nm flat eVah livedi an. Brudder Jones, you've got white skin. but tank de Lawd, you've got 8 ,,. reartr'-G'6e Outlook.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Sir Nilfrid Lauriers dream Of the St. Lawrence as the natural highway of tue commerce of Canada, if not of the American continent, will probably be somewhat disturbed by recent de yelopments. The Canadian Govern ment, in pursuance of its new purpose af building up iJs own interests wholly Independent oI the United States, in its advertisement for bids for the Ga
 n8dian mail service the coming year specified that the terminus e. this side of the ocean, both summer and winter, should be at a Canadian port. The purpose Is laudab,e and natural enough, but, unfortunately for patriotic theo- ries, commerce and trade have a way of seeking ''the point of least resist ance," in accordance with a we'll known natural law. The Allan and Dominion Line, which. is now carry ing the mail, makes Portland, Me-, Its
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
The Worth of His Money,

Not seldom ill highland districts the attendance at church during unpropi- tious weather is but scanty. One minis ter, finding himself on boisterous Sun day confronted with Eut one solitary auditor, who happened to Le q gruff,
 outspoken character, took him into his confidence, with view to propitiate him. Twill 1 go on with the sermon, John?" John answered gruffiy, "Of course. Getting into the pulpit and leaning over it he asked Twill [ give you the Gaelic sermon or the EnglIsh one?" "Gie's taith. We're wcel paid for t. said John, more grufdy stlI- -
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
AN OPEN LETTER TO MOTHERS.

We are asserting Tn the courts our right 10 th' e1ciasivc use Of the word |" "CASfOktA,'' auc |" PITCHER $ CASTORIA,'' ,'' as our Trade Mark T. i. ssauIuel Pitcher, Of Hyanns, Massachusetts, was the oTleiuatyI OT FIiCiihE 3 C.Aa IONiA, the same tllat has borne aud does now bear tn, fac-simile si nature of fCIiAS. F. FLETCHER or every wrapper This is the original % PITCHERS CASTO2iA which has been used in the home. of the mothers of America for over thirty years Look Carefully at the wrapper and see that it is He kind yoE hGDe dIaVays bOHgM, and has the signature of CHAS. H. FLETCHER on the wrapper. No one has authority from rne 10 use my name except The centaur Company of whict Chas H. Fletcher is President.
 Ma,oh 8, 1S2z. SAMUEL. PITCHER, MI.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Authcrs Make Musical Mistake

NovelfSts commit the most amazing blunders ill their alluSl0ns to the music al art, according to Macmillans Maga, zine. One novelist, for example, makes his hero a soprano; another pictures a Scotch Highlander sitting on the road side singing Jacobite song, and ac- companying himself on the bagpipe. MT. Marion Crawford has ascribed La Favorita" to Verdi, feat paralleled by MT. Black in setting q lady down to piano to play Beethoven's Fare we'll" composition unknown to that musicians many admirers Charles Reade. in Peg Wellington" makes the famous actress whistle quick move ment upon huge paste ring, and the" tells L.., 1l4. ~4D0eI Was c011ouuucu by this sparkling adag,o. N- r. der Mir. Cibber was confounded' 2 quick movement which Is at the sa me time an adagio is enough to confound anybody. Nor are Englishmen the only offenders. Victor Hugo, in Les Miser- ables," has three violins and a flute playing some of Haydn's quartets at a wedding.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

An eloquent political speaker WHO at tempted during the strike in some mills in Philadelphia to reconcile the conflict ing claims of the capitalists and labor CTS, stopped short in his impassiOned speech and exclaimed: Tt could all he set right if you could each, for only ten minutes, look at the matter through an other mans eyesv' He had found tie source of much of the injustice in the world-the lack of that power which enables us to ste the "other side of the question" A biographer of Chief Jus tice Marshall said his defect as a law yer was that when the plaintiff was his client he perceived every point which could be brought on behalf of the de- fendant, and with difficulty refrained from urging them As 2 judge, how ever, this clear vision was of iuestima- ble value to him. An English critic, who was personal friend of Thomas Carlyle and his wife, said. lately, Much of their unhappiness was the result of their absolute inability to look at any question except from their own point of view. Hence, on every sub ject of morals, taste or opinion, they were at odds with each other, and us- ually with everybody else in the world" A man or woman afflicted with this mental myopia may have heart full of love for family and friends, yet go through life wounding them at every turn. Most of the wars and dis sensiOns in nations, communities and families are caused by inability to see that men may honestly view subject from different standpoints. The Scotch people once believed that certain men were endowed at birth with a vision that looked into the future; they called ft the second sight. The second sight which sees tis present clearly is oi iii dnitely more value, and most persons may hopefully strive tO acquire +.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

race of men. Experiments have been made by Mir. Carton not only with plants grown in the United Kingdom, but also with those of most foreign countries, and he says he cAn produce varieties suitable to any soil or climate. Thus food grains will be made that will thrive in localities where wheat, maize or barley refuse to grow, and mankind will be able to spread itself over lands which now are uninhabitable. Full de tails of the discovery vii. be looked for with interest in America.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Suits filed in Toledo, Ohio are the beginning of premidated crusade by the state food commissioner against patent medicines containing morphine, cocaine and other dangerous narcotics. Soothing sirups for children are specially aimed at. Fifty per cent of patents me- dicines sold are said to be injurious in fixing the morphine habit or similar habits.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

The lions den bride has undertaken to apologize for the minister who per formed the ceremony, and who is in disgrace with his church in conse- quence, by saying that the lions were little ones. Why hasn't it occurred to the minister, by the way, to cite Daniel as precedent?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
COULDN'T MAKE IT.

The bull that tried to butt down bridge, and the goat that tackled an anvil, couldn't make it, and were knocked out, bruised and bleeding. From such bruises down to pin-head blue spots they are curable, easily and surely. The men who get the worst bruises always get the best cure. They make it every time. There are right ways and wrong ways of doing things, as the bull and the goat found out. The best cure for a bruise Is St. Jacobs Oil. The right way to cure is to use and find out
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Murder trials on every hand, murder CTS awaiting trial and murderers await ing execution. The daily papers are running over with sensational stories from courtrooms and Grand Jurors offices The murderer seems to be in- creasing and getting in his awful work with more regularity and more blood curdling variations than ever before Yet nobody wants to confess that the world Ls growing morally Noree
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A New Haven man says he can make millions of gold out of ordinary sea water, and predicts that it will be only short time before many cstab- lshments will be found, all along the Atlantic coast, making money" Sum mer hotels, probably.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Servants of a Royal Household.

There are fifteen hundred people upon Emperor's Williams list of en- ployes, including three hundred and fifty female servants, who are engaged in looking after the twenty-two royal palaces and castles that belong to the crown. Most ce the palaces and castles are in a state os decay. The Emperor himself seldom 1ses more than three or iour vc then. T'.-1 -c-+ -=- 5-c- pied by his relatives and dependents, who number a hundred or more, and are nearly all supported from the royal purse. His private fortune is estimated at twenty-five million dollars, the greater part of which is represented In landed estates.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

winter terminus and Is willing to con. tinue its service as at present, but de clined to bid on the terms proposed. The Government, of course, can and probably will eventually establish mail service wholly on its own coast but it will be at a considerable addi. tional expenditure for what, after all, is only sentimental advantage.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
WHALING FLEET IN DANGER.

It is predicted that the vessels of the whaling feet most of whose underwriters are in San Francisco, have been caught in the ice and some may not last through the seige, Danger also threatens those who neglect what are called ''trifiing" ailments, for they may not last through the crisis. Resort to Hostetter's Stom ach Bitters at once for incipient rheumatism malaria, constipation, nervousness and kidney complaint
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
An experiment of unusual interest was duly inaugurated in New York by the

duly inaugurated in New York by the opening of Mills hotel No. 1, built by D. O. Mills. The hotel is a ten-story structure. and its formal ODening. in its
 brief religious services, signiHed the general philanthrOpic character or the unique enterprise. Mir. Mills also made a brief address outlining his plans in erecting the house and telling what he hopes to accomplish. This modern and model hotel is designed to give work ingmen and people of humble means practically just as pleasant and clean and comfortable quarters as can be oD- tained for far more money at hotel run on the usual plan. Its main Vesti- bule and marble staircaSes, fanked Dy
 potted palms; it's bright, clean and airy
 sleeping rooms. where everything IS 10 be kept in perfect order and in immac- ulate cleanness; and its cuisine, pre- sided over by first-class steward, cher and assistants, are in keeping with the palatial hotel where men may dine for a small sum as well in most respects as they could at the usual frst-class hOSteIrioc nf rho oi+v Whether the Nr Mills may be considered doubtful, hut ir is a worthy and exceedingly in teresting attempt to meet some of the peculiar conditions O. modern city life.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

There is a large and fertile space in every life, in which might be planted the oaks and fruit trees of enlightened principle and virtuous habits, which, growing up, would yield to its old age an enjoyment, a glory and a shade.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

4 story is cabled from Madrid to the effect that the United States has de- manded of Spain $8, 900, 900 indemnity to American traders for damages sus- tained drought the rebellion in Cuba. Secretary Sherman denies any know ledge of the claim.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Walked Rtcht Oyer rher

"So your wife won that suit about her real estate.
 'Of course You didn t suppose that such little obstacles as a Judge. : law yers and l2 Jurymen could throw her Of the track. did youf''-Detroit Free pl oSs
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

United States vessels in southern waters are keep busy watching alleged filibusters; suspected boats are search ed but nothing found. Leading Span fsl newspaper urge resistance to United States interference in Cuban affairs.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Pinkham's Vegetable Compound" " will stop the torture and restore cour- age. All such pains come from de- ranged uterus. Trouble in the womb blots out the light of the sun at mid day to a vast number of women. You should procure Mrs. Pinkham's Com pound at once and obtain relief.
 Mrs. r. M. Knapp, 563 Wentworth Ave-, Milwaukee, Wis, says: {" sui fered with c0n0nS+iOn of the ovaries and inflammation of t.-s womb. Lydia K Iiu}5har.s Vegetable Compound -----@ -r'a aS it vviTi others"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

"This Is indeed a great come-down," '" said the moth as he began his evening meal of bathing suit after a long diet of winter fiannels.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A censoriOus man is a most disagree able companion. Nobody likes the so- ciety of a man who, like doomsday, calls to mind all the faults of the whole human race.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A New Jersey girl was refused a nurses diploma because she wrote poe try. Evidently her lines didn't fall in pleasant places.