davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
Didn't Get 1t.

One by Stuart Robson: 1t is always
customary to pass free into theaters any
person who is a member Of the dramatic
profession. Some years ago there was a
large minstrel company touring the coun-
try, and making a street parade in every
town in which it performed, all the mem
bers wearing high silk hats, which, as
they were constantly exposed to the
weather, required a great deal of atten-
ton TO keep them III order, thereby max
ing it necessary that one or two profess
sional hat-ironers should travel with the
company.
One night, while playing in a Western
city, L was called to the stage door to see
a man who had inquired Tor me. what
can l do for yOu?" | asked.
DO you pass the profession?" said he.
Certainly" | replied; what company
are YOU playing with?"
The Mastodon Minstrels."
What is the line of your busineSs?'
"Hat-ironer."
That professional was not passed.-Ex-
change.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
1t was All Right.


AT one moment in the battle of Sedan
Bismarck and his peculiar staff thought
fortune was going = little against them.
They criticised the disposition and move
ments of the two armies, and some of
the semi-military friends of the chancel-
Tor declared the French were getting the
best of it.
I'll find out" said Bismarck.
He rode slowly forward Through Mott
ke's staff to the brow of the hill, where
the field marshal stood alone He did not
speak to Moltke and Moltke did not say
a word to Bismarck. But Bismarck came
slowly back with a relieved expression on
his face.
It's all right" he said to his staff.
why, how do you knows We watched
you and neither you nor Motlke spoke"
That's So" sail Bismarck, but | Of
fered Moltke a cigar from my case and
he took the best one in it,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
Just Wait a While.

Somebody over near Dupont Circle owns
a small boy who is Enthusiastically destined
for greatness. He was playing in the
circle just the other day, and a mite of
& girl, presumably his sister, was annoy
ing him greatly. Presently she tried him
too far and he gave her a push that sent
her headlong to the pavement, Her
screams attracted the attention of every
body except her nurse, who was g~ossiplng
with another nurse some distance away.
The usual woman who reproves other peo-
pies children was on hand, however.
"Oh, little boy" said she, what made
you strike little sister? Don't you know
it's very, very wrong to do 500"
The boy went on with the hopscotch dia-
gram he was drawing.
"Oh," he remarked unconcernedly,
chats all right. I'll feel sorry by and by
and then I'll ask her pardon like a little
gentleman. ThatH fix it."-Washington
DOSt
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
Ladies Can Wear Shoes

One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease, a powder to be shaken into the
shoes. 1t makes tight or new shoes feel
easy; gives instant relief to corns and
bunions. It's the greatest comfort dis
covery Of the age. Cures and prevents
swollen feet, blisters, caIlous and sore
spots. Aliens Foot-Ease is a certain cure
for sweating, hot, nervous, aching feet.
Sold by all druggists and shoe stores. 25c.
Trial package FREE by mail. Address.
Allen S. Olmsted, Lock Box $50, LIE Roy,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
''BulIS.''

An Irish correspondent of the London
Daily Telegraph says that a countryman
of his was badly wounded in battle, and,
as he lay on the ground, a wounded com-
rade neal him kept up a continual howl
ing from pain. "What the devil are We
shoutin' like that for?" said Pat; ''do We
think that nobody's kilt but yerself?" A
sergeant in a regiment of light horse was
both very tall and very corpulent, and
often joked with one of his men-an
Ir~ishman-as to the proneness of his coun-
trymen to make bulls in the course of or
binary conversation. "Be me sowl," said
the Irishman, ireland never made such
a bull as England did when she made
a light horseman Of you
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Joseph Jefferson, the grand old man of
the stage painter, fisherman, racconteur,
says all he knows Of Tolstoi is that he
is an author and lives in Russia, which
is about all that anyone wants to know
of the Myth of YasmOya Polyana. A
New Yorker, meeting Mr.. Jefferson for
the first time, said: "Mr. Jefferson, [
am more than delighted to make your
acquaintance. Forty years ago | went
10 see you in Rip down in -, and
the impression made on my mind has
I was d young man then" Il never was
there in my life, sir; I'm sorry to say"
replied the actor. ''You are surely think
ing of some other person. But, sure
~, Mr.. jeff" Eyes, surely, sir: | never
was in that town III my life. You have
made a mistake But for forty years
l have lived with the knowledge of hay
ing seen you there" You have lived,
then, in vain, sir" And Rip walked
away.
Edwin Booth did not get off so easily.
A gentleman, meeting him in a small
city somewhere in the South, reminded
him that he had been there thirty years
before. Never" said Booth. solemnly.
"Never been here before?' asked the man
doubtingly. "Never, sir,' the tragedian
repeated. Your name is Booth-Edwin
Booth. | believe you said.'' 81 am
Booth" "And you swear you never act
ed here before? That l didn't see YOU
here, playing 'Hamlet?'" 1 was never
in this place before" "Well, my friend,
I'm distinguished in this neighborhood for
ing. All I've got to say is that you are
either a liar or an impostor. If l knew
where to telegraph Mr.. Booth I'd mighty
soon prove it."
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
Took it Very Cody.

The vicar certainly had a pretty wit.
People said that he was sarcastic and he
tried to live up to the reputation. But he
was not always a success. On one occa-
sion a gentleman came into the church in
the middle of the sermon. The vicar
broke off from his discourse and adj
dressed the newcomer: II am glad to see
you, sir. l am always glad to see those
late who can't come early"
THANK you," replied the gentleman
with perfect self-possession. "Would you
kindly favor me with the text?'-Tit-
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
Trying to Get Out Of the Way

An officer of the regular service. who
seemed to have a particular grudge
against some of the naval reserves in his
charge, came II day upon a volunteer
jackie who, being off duty, was sleeping
the arm. the officer shook him as a cat
would shake a rat. The Jackie opened
his eyes. Salute mer' cried the officer.
The Jackie scrambled to his feet and sa-
iuted. You look to me like a million
aire.'' snarled the officer. "Now, aren't
you?" mo, sir" said the Jackie. "Wel.
can you tell me what you've been doing
all day." Trying to dodge you, SIR
said the Jackie.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
No One Home.

"Is your father at home?' asked an
Englishman of a Welsh boy, whom he
met at Llandrilloynthos.
mo. sir; he's gone to work at Llansant-
fraidglan Conway"
"Is your mother in, then? ?"
"She's gone to the fair at Llanfairma-
thafurneithaf."
Dear me! But is your sister at
homer"
"My sister has gone to Llanfairpul-
G wy
gogoeh."
Good gracious!' exclaimed the Eng
lishman.-London Punch.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
Don't Bother Him,

A Park avenue lad, aged 8 years, has
been taught since the war began to pray
for the President of the United States and
for the army and navy. Last Friday
night he knelt at his mothers knee and
said his prayers, but he closed without
referring to the military and naval arms
Of the government.
you forgot to pray for the army and
navy. H~arold," said his mother.
"Oh, what's the use," said the lad.
They're able to take care of themselves
without botherin' God."-Omaha World
Herald
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
SPINNING WHEEL.
MUSTERED OUT.

MUSTERED OUT.
Sweetheart, today a rumor few
That made the post resound,
1t sends me back, dear girl, 10 you,
Fol we are hOmeWard bound;
Yet hold l it no grievous sin
II mid the joyous shout
l pray | may be mustered in
When | am mustered out.
There is a service that presents
Far greater charms h this;
Its very highest r~ecompense
is measured in a kiss.
And two compose a company
In love and faith most stout
In yours I'd ~re-enlist, you see,
When l am mustered out.
I'm but a humble private, dear,
NO stripes nor straps are mine;
And claim to fame and glory here
l willingly resign.
To peace | look, and not to strife,
For rank DER all about,
If | may serve with you for life,
When | I'm mustered out.
Edwin l.. Sabin in Truth.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
spanish Trophies Extensive.

The Spanish prisoners at Seaveys isl
and, near Portsmouth, n. H, are getting
good prices for relics. Half a dollar is
demanded for a common naval button,
70 cents for a hat button and 81 for an
officers cap button. The Vizcaya and
the Cristobal Colon hatbands sell for sew
eral dollars now, and the price is steadily
going up.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
A Mammoth Peach.

The prize peach story of the season
comes from Portertown, Md, where the
largest specimen of the fruit ever grown
is said to have been found in the orchard
of Emory Thomas. The peach grew on a
twig less than an inch long, ~springing
from one of the main limbs. It is n
inches in circumference and 9 inches in
diameter.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
Coughing Leads to Consumption.

Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough at
once. Go to your druggist today and get
a sample bottle free. Sold in 25 and so
cent bottles. Go at once; delays are dan
gerOuS.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Large shipments Of potatoes are be-
ing made to Cuba from the eastern part
of Long Island.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Fred Rider describes his Moulin Rouge
company as "a torrid bunch Of shapely
dizziness Sam Scribner please note
Dramatic Mirror.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Automobiles are to be introduced in
the Italian army for the transportation Of
baggage.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

of bad health that R.IP.A.N.Sw will
not benefit. Send 5 cents to Ripans Chemical Co.
New York, for 10 samples and 1000 testimonials.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

from aIoft exclaimed, "Lend her your
specs, old boy" followed by another,
"Hould your row; sure he's put them on
to see to shave himself.'-Cornhill.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

The Ruby mine on Weston Pass, above
Leadville, Col, has been sold to Illinois
men for $4,000.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

snun olntinents and lotions for skin diseases. cuts,
spTalns, bruises, etc and use GlennS ulDhur SOap.
Hills Hair and Whisker Dye, black or brown. 56c
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

-Linsey-woolsey was first made at
Linsey, and was for a long time a very
popular fabric.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Mrs. WfnsIoW's SOOTHING SYRUP for children
teething, Softens the gums, reduces inflammation.
alays pain, cures wind collie. 25c a bottle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Nazareth has three hospitals, seven
converts and twelve schools under Euro
pean SUPERVISION.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

The Queen of Greece is the only
woman admiral in the world.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Piso's Cure for Consumption has saved
me large doctor bills.-C. L. Baker, 1929
Regent So, Philadelphia, Pa, Dec. s,
1895.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Arthur-"Are you sure she loves your
Jack-"Yes. When l told her I had nc
money to marry on, she asked me if l
couldn't borrow some.".Tid-Bits.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

English women are said to average
two inches more in height than Amer
leans.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
ring some years from de-

as follows:
.Mhen :! applied to you for advice had been suffering aue wears from de.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05
HAPPY MOTHERS AND HEALTHY CHILDREN

Lydia E. Pinkhamfs Vegetable Compound Goes Straight to the Caus
Of All Female Troubles and Assures a Healthy Maternity.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

Justice Of the Peace Philip S. Colding
Of Camden was ii victim of peculiar cir
cumstances recently at Swedesboro, Pa.
The justice started out cunning one
morning before daylight, but not knowing
the road, missed his footing and fell into
a ditch on the side of the road.
After considerable difficulty the squire
managed to eXtricate himself, and was
standing in the road cleaning the mud
from his clothes when a farmers team
ran into him. The squire, fearing the
team would run over him, grabbed the
horse by the bride. The occupants of
the buggy thought h~ighwaymen had at
tackled them, and, picking up a big egg
plant, the driver threw it at the squire,
the missile striking the genial justice in
the stomach, knocking the breath out of
him, and it was half an hOur before he
was able to walk.-Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
when your wife was a young girl she
use to paint still life pictures very pref
tily: Has she improved in her accom-
plishments since?' Indeed she has! She
can now cook all the things she used to
paint.'-Fliegende Blaetter.
Little Tommy-"Papa, did you ever see
a cyclone that bowed everything up in the
ar; COWS n horses, and houses and
things, upside down?''
Papa-"'Well, no, Tommy, although I've
heard of it often"
well, l think it'd be rather tiresome to
live so long and never see anything.'-
Harlem Life.
Employer-"Why didn't you come when
[ rang?"
Office Boy-"Because I didn't hear the
bell.''
Hereafter. when you don't hear the
bell, you must come and tell me So"
Yes, sir" was the dutiful answer
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-10-05

"They have given me the heaviest part
in the new play?' You don't say so.
What is it like?'' 81 have to catch the
big, fat leading lady when she faints in
the fourth act.'-Philadelphia Evening
Bulletin,
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1898-06-24

of the island flashing by. and the view
changing every minute. Soon we were
past the high lands and bowling beside
low, sandy country, sparsely dotted
with dwarf pines, and soon we were be-
yond that. again, and had turned the
corner of the rocky hill that ends the
island on the north
1 was greatly elated with my new
command, and pleased with the bright,
sunshiny weather and these different
prospects of the coast 1 had now
plenty of water and good things to eat,
and my conscience, which had smitten
me hard for my desertion, was quieted
by the great conquest had made. I
should, think, have had nothing left
me to desire but for the eyes of the cock
swain as they followed me derisively
about the deck. and the odd smile that
appeared continually on his face. 1t
was n smile that had in it something
both of pain and Weakness haggard,
old mans smile; but there was, besides
that, grain of derision. a shadow of
treachery, in his expression as he crafti-
~ watched, and watched, and watched
me at my work.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1898-06-24

must be nicely handled to be got in.
think was good, prompt subaltern,
and l am very sure that Hands was an
excellent pilot; for we went about, and
lodged IN, shaving the banks, with
certainty and neatness that were a
pleasure TO behold.
Scarcely had we passed the head be-
fore the land closed around us. The
shores al North inlet were as thickly
wooded as those Of the southern an
chorage: but the space was longer and
narrower, and more like, what in truth
it was, the estuary of river. Right be-
fore US, at the southern end, we saw
the wreck of a ship ill the last stages
of dila.'i'lation. 1t had been a great
vessel CT three masts, but had lain Sc
long exposed to the injuries of the
weather, that it was hung about with
great webs of dripping sea-weed, and
on the deck of it shore bushes had
taken root, and now fiourished thick
with flowers. 1t was sad sight, but i
showed us that the anchorage was
calm.
''Now," said Hands, look there;
there's pet bit for to beach Il ship in.
Fine fat sand, never a catspaw. trees all
around of it, and flowers a-blowing
like 4 garding on that old ship"
"And once beached," inquired, ''how
shall we get her off again?"
why, So" he replied; you take
line ashore there on the other side at
low water; take turn about one q
them big pines; bring it back. take
| turn round the capstan, and lie to for
the tide. Come high water, all hands
| take pull upon the line. and off she
| comes us sweet as natur'. And now,
boy, you stand by. We're near the bi!
now, and she's too much way on her.
| Starboard little - so-steady-star-
| board - larboard a little - steady
steady!"
So he Issued his commands. which 1
| breathlessly obeyed; till. all of sud-
den. he cried: "Now, my hearty, luff! p"
j And 1 put the helm hard up, and the
'Hispaniola" swung round rapidly, and
ran stem on for the low-wooded shore.
The excitement of these last man
cuvers had somewhat interfered with
the watch l had kept hitherto, sharply
enough upon the cockswain. Even
then l was still so much interested,
waiting for the ship to touch. that l
had quite forgot the peril that hung
| over my head, and stood craning over
the .starboard bulwarks and watching
the ripples spreading wide before the
bows. l might have fallen without a
struggle for my life, had not a sudden
disquietude seized upon me, and made
me turn my head. Perhaps had heard
a creak. or seen his shadow moving
with the tail of T 9 eye; perhaps it was
Ian instinct like cats, but, sure
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1898-06-24
THE BETTER WAY.

A grave old man and a maiden fair
walked together at early morn:
Inc thrushes up in the clear. cold air
Sang to the farmer planting his corn.
Aad oh. how sweet was the fresh-turned
mound!
and oh, how fair were budding trees
For daisy's silver and daffodil's gold
Were full Of the happy honey bees.
'Ah. look. there's an empty nest" she said,
And 1 wonder where sing the last years
birds?"
Then the old man raised his head.
Though scarcely he noted her musing
words;
He tore the nest from the swaying tree,
He flung to the wind its moss and hay.
And said: when an empty nest you see,
Be sure that you throw it far away
'But why?" she asked. with a sorrowing
face
why may not the pretty home abide?''
because" he answered. twill be place
In which the worm and the slug will
hide;
''Last year twas fair enough in its way
1t was full of love and merry with song;
But days that are gone must not spoil to-
day,
Nor dead joys do the. living joy wrong
The maiden heard, with thoughtful face
Her first sweet hope had fed far away
And she thought: lis my heart become a
place
For anger, grief and hate to stay?
Down, heart, with thy sad forsaken nest;
Fling far thy selfish and idle pain;
The love that is yours is always the best"
And she went with smile to her work
again.
The Angelus.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1898-06-24
Recruits for the Third Artillery.

SAN FRANCISCO. June 22.-Every eff
fort is being made to recruit the Third
artillery, four of whose batteries are
designated for Manila, for the next
expedition, up to war strength of 200
men. The recruiting officers of In
dianapolis, Chicago and St Louis were
ordered to make special efforts to get
in men for this regiment. Twenty-Five
recruits have already arrived from In
dianapolis and AZ were expected from
Chicago Tuesday.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1898-06-24

might be; and until that was done J
considered that my life would certainly
be spared.
While was thus turning the business
over in my mind had not been idle
with my body. had stolen back to the
cabin, slipped once more into my shoes.
and laid my hand at random on a bottle
of wine, and now, with this for an eX-
cuse, L made my temperance on the
deck.
Hands lay as had left him, all fallen
together in a huddle, and with his eye
lids lowered, as though he were too
weak to bear the light. He looked up,
however. at my coming, knocked the
neck off the bottle, like man who had
done the same thing often, and took a
good swig, with his favorite toast of
'here's luck" Then he lay quiet for
little, and then, pulling out stick OF
tobacco, begged me to cut him quid.
"Cut me junk O. that" says he, for
haven't no knife, and hardly strength
enough, so be as l had. All, Jim, Jim,
1 reckon I've missed stays! Cut me a
quid as'll likely be the last, lad; for I'm
for my long home, and no mistake"
well" said I, ''Tll cut you some to-
bacco; but if 1 was you and thought
myself so badly. 1 would go to my
prayers, like a Christian man."
''Why?" said he. "Now, you tell me
why"
"Why?" 1 cried. "You were asking
me Just now about the dead. You've
broken your trust; you've lived in sin
and lies and blood; there's a man you
killed lying at your feet this moment;
and you ask me why! For Gods mercy,
Mr.. Hands, that's why"
l spoke with q little heat, thinking of
the bloody dirk he had hidden in his
pocket. and designed, in his i'll thoughts.
to end me with. He, for his part, took a
| great draught of the wine, and spoke
with the most unusual solemnity.
For 30 year." he said, I've sailed
the seas, and seen good and bad, better
and worse, fair weather and foul, pro-
visions running out, knives going, and
what not. Well, now, I tell you, L never
seen good come O. goodness yet. Him
as strikes first is my fancy; dead men
don't bite; them's my views-amen, Sc
be it. And now, you look here" he add
ed, suddenly changing his tone, we've
had about enough of this foolery. The
tides made good enough by now. YOU
just take my orders, Cap'n Hawkins, and
well sail slap in and be done with it. ,
All told, we had scarce two miles tC
run; but the navigation was delicate
the entrance to this northern anchor
age was not only narrow and shoal, bu
lay east and west, so that the schooner