The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-05-16
From the New York Press

Deadier than dynamite, more merciess
than millions OF mines--a thing to tear
the stoNtest-hearted soldier into baby rib
bons, and distribute his shuddering frag-
ments over the globe is the novel So
says the International Medical Missionary
Society; and this band of argus-eyed
sticlxlers for modesty is determined that
the morals OF the men at the front shall
not be corrupted through the baleful, per-
nicous influence OF the novel.
When this society was organized In 1896
In this state the novel was one of the
things at which 1t aimed its finest-pointed
barbs; and when, a couple of days ago,
IL offered It's services, with attendant
nurses and physicians, to President Nc
Kinley, to take care of the mental, mo-
raj and physical health" of our soldiers,
the old enmty to the novel was up its
sleeve, so to speak.
For these reformers believe that the
novel is inimical TO all the good of the
service, and that one yellow-covered
bunch of alleged literature contains more
germs Of disease than a whole laboratory
of typhoid bacill, typhus animalcule and
pneumonia spirits
This reform society, using the power
that It hopes the President win invest In
H. proposes TO establish a quarantine
against the novel. IL is said that Assoc
citation has prepared list OF banned au-
thors and their works with penalties TO
the readers, something like this
For reading 1.-THE Green Carnation" two
months without any food except Chinese
punk stick which are to be eaten, not in
hailed.
FOR reading any work by Oscar Wild,
six months In the treadmill
For reading anything by Laura Jean
Llbbey, six months incarnation In a
boarding school, with the proviso that to
avoid cruel and inhuman punishment, the
captive is allowed two hours grace on one
day in each month. where he can get
away by himself and catch his breath.
ANY soldier found with a stock of Ber-
ina NJ Clay wadded into his underclothes
wlll be compelled 20 do duty as a sort OF
living literary rampant.
II. Rider Haggard will be admitted into
camp only as substitute for nitro-gly-
cerine.
Youthful recruits with works of Archl-
bald Clavering Guntcr over their hearts
viii be stood up and shot az to see II
they manifest any signs Of human intelll-
gence.
Men carrying lola novels will be locked
in refrigerators TO make sure that they
do not spoil.
Thou shadt Not" and all cerebral
freaks of that sort will be regarded as con-
traband OF war and VIII be burned in the
public square.
As soon as the society has Its Index Ex-
purgatories 0. K.'d by the President IL
Is understood that u will furnish list Of
Literary gems that II considers are need
full for the well being OF soldiers. In the
catalogue will be these undying works:
Watts Hymns"
Martin Farquhar Tupper's "Proverbiai
Philosophy"
The "Rollo" Books
"Pilgrim's Progress"
The "Dottie Dimple" Series.
Now / Lay Me-"
Seven Easy Ways Of Cooking Triple"
The Westminster CatFchism.
"How to Live on Five Dollars a Week..
'The Recollections OF a Reformed Gam
ber"
1t Is understood that TO this list Will be
added the works OF one William Shakes
peare as soon as an eminent Sunday school
teacher Of this city shall have finished
his task Of preparing a revised version.
with all profane and un-Godly phrases
eliminated.