Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1898-09-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

his interiors" Unhappy MANI
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Wiggs-"Was the hour late when
you arrlved?" Wages "No, the
hour was on time. I was triae late,
however.
She-"Pd like to take ride on the
tandem" He-"All right; I'm the
man to second your motion. New
York World
Willie-''Pa, what do they make
talking machines OFF" His Father
'The first one was made out of rib.
my son. Life.
His Ma-"Tommy! Tommy Don't
you hear me calling you?" Tommy
No, ma-not word. Please holler
little louder"
ga man can't be in two places at
once" observed his friend. 'Oh,
don't know" replied the office
holder, rehectively. Puck.
He-"Then you think kissing is
not wrong?" She-"The idea! Why,
wouldn't be seen doing such
thing" Enquirer.
''Isabel wants to sell her grand
fathers clock" SIS she in reduced
circumstances? "No; she has bought
an older one. Detroit Free Press.
Friend-"Why are you joining the
audience in kissing your own playa"
Authority / don't they'll find out
I'm the author. New York Journal.
Mother-"Dear mel The baby has
swallowed that piece of worsted."
Father-"That's nothing to the yarns
she'll have to swallow if she lives to
grow up"
Friend-"Do you raise vegetables?"
Suburbanite (sadly)-''No, I only
plant them; and, as you will observe,
my neighbors' chickens raise them."
Judge.
Mrs. Newed (engaging cook)-
"Have you had much experience?"
Cook-"Yes, mum; I've worked for
tin families in tn lasht two wakes. -
Harlem Life.
We've got to economize," said Mr..
Gargoyle to his wife. 'Very WE'LL"
replied the good woman, cheerfully.
''You shave yourself and I'll cut your
hair. Tit Bits.
SIS he a man whom one eau trust?"
asked Gazzam of Maddox, speaking of
Twitters. ''He is a man who is will
ing to be trusted with anythiug."-
Detroit Free Press.
Mother-"Whatl Swinging the cat
by its tail again! How often have L
told you to be kind to dumb animals"
Tommy-"But, ma, she amt dumb;
listen to her holler."
81 suppose there is a great deal of
interest in His Lordship since his
marriage?" Certainly. 1t is highly
interesting to see him with visible
means of support. Puck.
"This war will do us good, know"
'In what way?" my husband
probably will come home feeling
brave enough to help me discharge
Bridget. ."-Chicago Record.
"Will you be brave and fight for
your country, Henry?" "Well, will
fight for my country; but tell yon
honestly, shall be scared to death
until I find myself safe home again"
Miss Spacer-"I suppose when a
joke gets into an almanac it is sup
posed to be Old" Mr.. Scribbler-
"Oh, no!-a joke cannot really be
called old until it gets into an Eng.
lishman. Puck.
"The subject of Alice's graduation
essay, you remember, was Aim
High" Eyes" "Well, She has
been throwing herself at the new
preachers head, and he is six feet
tall. ."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Here" said the ambitious boar l.
or, lis an advertisement of bicycle
clothes. Do bicycles have to wssr
clothes" every well enameled
wheel" said the Cheerful Idiot, ''has
at least four coats. Indianapolis
Journal.
81 asked little Jim the difference
between inertia and momentum. >"
"Did he know anything about it?'
"Yes; he said inertia is something
that won't start and momentum is
something that won't stop."'-De-
troit Free Press.
Mrs. Wiggles-sT didn't know that
ALL. pihho hau u tllie. MIS-, Mag-
gles-"Neither did I. What is it?"
Mrs. Wiggles-''Well, his servant
says that everything comes addressed
james Binks, G. o. .'"-Somer-
vile Mass Journal
Mrs. Brown-"I see in the paper
that they won't allow any man to on
list who can't read and write the Eng
llsh language" Mr.. Brown" Write
the English language? Graciousl Are
they only going to take college pro-
fessors and few literary men,
Harper's Bazaar.
pardon me, sir, said the burglar,
but I'm going to ball and mistook
the house" mo mistake" said the
householder; "don't apologize. Tho
ball is here" aud he covered the in
truder with his revolver until the
rhnion of the law made his tardy ap
pearance. Pick -Me-Up