The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-04-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMoR OF THE DAY.
"Were you born in foreign ooun-
try, Mr.. Jones?" "No, 1 was born in
my native landr"
Teacher-"What can you tell me
about the rabbit?" Pcpil--'Its left
hind-foot is lucky. Puck.
The early bird which has such ex-
sellent qualities is not the one you eat
at two o'clock in the morning.
In almost every case of marriage
one of the parties in time looks the
rabbit to the others wolf. "--Atchison
Globe.
The Able Editor (ironically)-"Is
this poetry?' Contributor-"Didn't
I begin each line with capital let
ter?"-Boston Traveller.
Eyes; there is plenty of room at the
top, It's true" said the parental fish
to its offspring; 'but I'd advise you
to stay down where you are. p"
Willie--"Miss Dollie, you are look
ing like ,full-blown rose" Dollie
Footlites - "Gowanl You're just
blowing. Cincinnati Inquirer.
"Fanuie has such sweet new bon
net" eyes. Fannie has charming
talent for making things over -
Browning, King & Co. IS Monthly.
Old Mr.. Surplice-'I hope you OBJ
iect to dancing on religious grounds?"
Young Miss Featherstitching-"Oh,
no; only on unwaxed floors. '-Rox-
bury Gazette.
Poverty, said Uncle Eben, "am
like riches in one respeck. Whethuh
it's any disgrace or not depends heap
on how you happens to git dar. =
Washington Star
Miss Gushington-'I, too, Herr
Slevewski. should like to become
great violinist. What is the first thing
to do?" Herr Slevewski-"Learn to
play. Harlem Life.
Owing to the death of my wife,
seat on my tandem is vacant. Candi-
dates for the seat may send in their
names to Scorcher, in care of this
paper --Fliegende Blaetter.
Teacher-"What do you know about
the early Christians?" Tommy
"Our girl is one of 'em. She gets up
in the morning and goes to church be-
fore breakfast. indianapolis Jour
nal.
"Will have to be identified when
1 come here next time?" inquired Mr..
Jagway. "Not unless you swear off in
the meantime. / should know that
nose again among million. Chi
Cago Tribune.
German Professor lin his lecture
IN water)-"And then, gentlemen, do
Lot forget, if we had no water we
could never learn to swim-and how
many people would be drowned!-'
Vienna Fremdenblatt.
Office Boy-"The editor wants the
proof of his editorials. Proof Reader
: 'rWhat for?" Office Poy-"He
wants to read em" Proof Reader
"Humphl No accounting for tastes"
New York Weekly.
81 don't think the members of your
church would be willing to sell oil
they have and give to the poor"
Hardly. They might be persuaded
to sell all they have and invest the
proceeds in something else. Puck.
''Ef de average young man" said
Uncle Eben, "ud be willin' ter go froo
as much hahdship ter git useful
knowledge as he did learnin' ter
smoke his fust cigar, dar wouldn't he
nigh ea many regrets in dishere life"
Washington Star.
Mike-"How old are you, Pat?"
Pat - ''rhirty-sivin next mont"
Mike-"Yez must be older than that.
When we're yez born?" Pat-"In
1861" Mike-'J have yez now.
Sure yez told me the same date tin
years agol"-Tit-Bits.
"Oh. OH" moaned Mrs. Weeks, who
was suffering from decayed molar,
"why aren't people born without
teeth, I'd like to know?" "Why, my
dear" exclaimed the husband, "do
you happen 10 know any one tha'
wasn't?" Chicago News.
"Im afeard," remarked Farmer
Corntossel, ''thet the period of useful
ness fur that politician is about to be
lrawed to o close. Whats the mat
ter?" inquired his wife. ''Isit case
If oyerwork?" "No," was the au-
swer; "tain't nothin' so onusual as
overwork. It's plain, old-fashioned
case of oyertalk. Washington Star.
The garbage is collected every Mon
day on the street in which the DIS
live. One morning little Helen ID.
proposed discarding for good a rag
doll of which she had grown tired.
'I think, mamma" she said, "that
I'll put it out for the garbage man to
carry off He can take it to the gar
bage woman, and she can fix it up for
the little garbage children to play
| with. ."--Harper's Bazaar.