The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1898-10-16
Flowers of Irish Speech.

! candles went up IN price. 4 woman was
charged a half-penny instead OF a far
! thing for tallow candle al the village
shop. Now. how is that SIR. O'Brien?''
she inquired. It's due 10 the war.
ma am said the shop-keeper. We'll"
exclaimed the woman, Il niver knew they
+ fight by can6le-light before
farmers wife bought box
OF matches IN shop II Ame--
TEX en- her weekly visit 70 the city. On
the next market-day she returned the
matches, as they were damp. They re
/ all right, ma am" said the shop-keeper.
look at this" and he liz one OF the
+ matches by rubbing :, on the leg OF has
trousers "Arrah. get out wiih you,
cried the country woman when I want
10 aght the IRE must come in six miles
T from Baliyneety 70 strike a match on yer
: ould oritches?' There is a classic locality
+ II Dublin known as PHI Lane. The way
70 the Four Courts from the northern
part OF the city lies through il. As dis
/ tlnguisaed member OF the Irish bar pass
I ed down the lane one day the following
{ conversation took place between FISH
/ woman and q man: "Faix, II ye had all
+ the larnin' shat that gentleman has got
uncher his hair, ye might consider yer
self wise man" said the woman "Oh.
thin, I'd sooner have the money he has
: in his purse" replied the man. More
fool you. thin said the woman sure.
Ills with their brains the likes Of him fills
their pockets"
l think il will be admitted that these
expressions-absurd. quaint. audacious.
whimsical, and extrayagant-which rise
spontaneously and necessarily 70 the lips
of the Irish peasantry. have a charm
just subtle and just as delicious as the
most brilliant flashes OF Wit and humor.
= woman went TO her parish priest IN
Belfast and complained OF the conduct OF
her husband He drank all his wages ne
beat her frequently. and ne rarely went
10 mass on Sundays. rs the man a
Catholic at air" asked the priest. horro-
fed at the long htaEy of the husbands
iniQuities, 'Musha, yer reverence. IT'S TOO
good Catholic he is" was the wifes
cOmical reply. If my Tim had his way
he'd knock the heads of al The Prot
estants between this and Dublin" An
. old peasant woman, who spoke little En-
gish. was examined By her priest-who
told me the story-as 10 her knowledge OF
the doctrines OF the Catholic church. She
was asked, among other questions 10 re-
peat the names OF the Trinity. Father.
Son." she replied. and then. after pause.
added. Fax. yer reverence. l forgit the
name of the ither gentleman" friend
OF mine found two countrymen IN the
dust on the highway. The uppermost
was humping the lowermost. Ny friend
said. Let him get UP. It's a cowardiy
thing to hit fellow when he's down"
The victor painted: Yer homer d niver
be after ask;n' me TO let him UP av ye
knew the rhrubble had TO down him"
The governor Of a prison in Limerick
told me an amusing story of a refractory
prisoner with whom he had once to deal.
The man refused to work on the tread
will nd offc<as hafn ba
ernor for disobedience of the warder's
orders. The governor asked him what OBJ
lection he had to working on the tread
mill. Me go on the treadmin," he cried
'Niver. sor." and proudly drawing him
self up he added. I'd rather lave the Jail
first"
The boy being father 10 the man.
the same quality of unconscious humor
is to be found among the youth OF Ire
land Roman Catholic Bishop was ex-
amining class of school-boys in the doc
trines of the church preparatory to the
administra ton OF confirmation. What is
cursing?" ne asked one youth. wishing
i'll to a neighbor." came the stereotyped
reply. Can any boy give me better def
nition?" said the Bishop. Go TO the
devil, me lord" cried bright little boy
at the end of the class. A youth in an
other confirmation class was asked the
meaning of "a clear conscience" 1t
names a clane inside was the reply. \
school inspector told me that while ex-
amining a class of small boys in geogra-
ply in a national schol in a remote part
OF Ireland, he put the question. What
is a lake?" "Shure. It's the hole in
kittle, sur" said one of the youths. 1t
was the only lake with which he was
acquainted. A little boy was caught by
an irate farmer up in one Of his apple
trees. Come down this instant" roared
the farmer, and I'll give you a sound box
in the ear. you bla guard" ''Troth, sir.
wouldn't come down If you'd give me a
Dozen" was the reply.j
Irish domestics are widely noted for
their simplicity and their quaint remarks.
A lady, desiring to make the most OF her
choice tap of table beer. the merits OF
which her servants had discovered. for 1t
disappeared rapidly. thus addressed her
Irish butler: ''Daly, what do you think
would be the best thing to do in order
10 save this beer as much as possible?"
We'll, ma am replied the butler. II
don't think you could do bitter than TO
place a barrel OF good strong ale close
by the side of it" An Irish girl called
at a house in London in answer 10 an
advertisement for a general servant
Have you a character?" asked the mis-
tress. Indeed. ma'a I'm sorry 70 say
I've no character. ] had a beautiful wan
whin 1 left Ireland, but losht it the
night I crossed over TO HolyhesG in the
steamer" was the lsconlc reply. An
Irish man-servant was discovered in a lie
On being accused by his master Of stating
what was not the truth. he excused him
self by saying, Please sur, lost my
presence of mind"
A crier in the Ass.ze Court at Galway
was ordered by the judge 10 clear the
building OF all persons but the lawyers
whereupon he shouted: AL ys black
guards that isn't liars quit the court
A reply OF a somewhat similarly mixed I
character was given BY the gamekeeper
of an estate near Tralee 10 a gentleman F.
or the town who requested leave for A (
days shooting sure. yer homer may
as well DO the p0achin' az any other 4
backyard out OF Tralee." OF course. the /
ganekeep@r meant that the gentleman /.
might as well enjoy the advantages of the 4
preserves as the boys from Trales. who 4
were IN the habit OF surreptitioUsly cours- 4
Ing the estate for hares and rabbits. VIII Z
ting about pOaching. recalls the comic an Z
sEer given BY a country gIrl who. On 1
Offering = salmon for sale 70 a nshmon- /
ger in Limerick was questioned as % how .
she had obtained the fish sure she IN
genlously replied. ny father is posch.r Z
10 Lord Clare" A lady took her Irish 4
maid 20 task for cAre.sssnsss and forget 4
fulness. Why Is = Mary" said sbe, .
that you keep OF making ne same MS
takes over and ove- again Why co1't
you try % remember what I tel you"
The day happened 20 De very VAIN. 50 /
Mary returned tns quaint reply. surs.
ma'an / can: be after SEEravaifn' re .
no.ut this hot weather. Two rnsn we're
nghtirz n Ire streets % Cork One 90;
the othe- down. and vas adulinis;erins
% him severe pInlsaDsrt- Whs1 me
mar be.oz cried out 20 ne on-iookers.