davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

whenever / give him my time and skin
and attention.
Zone of the most delightful men |
ever had in BARRIERS chair is Congress
man Joe Cannon, of Illinois. He only
shaves his upper lip, and 1t would be a
comparatively easy job but for the fact
that he is one of those red-haired, red
skinned people. who have a very stiff
bristling beard, aud il is very difficult to
take care of him without making any
bad breaks. Moreover, he shaves his
upper lip clear up TO the nose, and it is
difficult 10 give him exactly the kind Of
shave be wants without cutting his
nose He is very liberal man and al
ways pay more that the work is worth.
so that have great deal of pleasure ia
taking pains with him. Moreover, he is
always in good humor aud tells stories
to the barber just as freely as though he
was talking TO other congressman, SEN
ators, or, suppose, would talk to the
president himself.
II always like to shave Senator Quay,
of Pennsylvania. He is another man
who pays for more than the service is
actually NOI NlA- his uNNAlh u itpA NSt y
hard TO shave, but be likes to have me
take my time about it, and almost goes
to sleep while being shaved. lie has
been a sufferer from neuralgia for a
great mary years and likes to have his
head rubbed. suppose there must be
something in magnetism, of which I
have heard, but Of which know yerv
little, because Senator Quay likes to
have me rub his bead for a long while
After ] have done shaving him some
fines rub his head for ten or fifteen
minutes. and on some occasions have
rubbed bis head great deal longer
than that He seems 10 be entirely at
rest aud lree from care at such times,
aud keep on rubbing his head until he
tells me that he has had enough Of that
tres tment and then I quit. like him
very well. because be is so gentle and
kind and eonsideraie with me. and
would serve him all day long II he would
only say so, aud il would be pleasure
for me to do So He is one Of the incest
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

gentlemen that ever had in my chair
and when / am through with my work
he always pays me very literally in
deed. ! have shaved great many men
Of prominence and great many men of
obscurity and a great many. men In the
middle walks of life, but do not think
ever received better and kindlier
treatment from anyone than have al
ways received from Senator Quay. He
is certainly perfect gentleman.
Il like to shave Senator Allison's pri-
vate secretary, Mr.. Morgan. He is one
Of the most quiet and refined Young
men / ever met in my life, and he is
also very liberal. He is not nervous, or
fretful, or fault-fnding, as so many
men are when they are in the BARRIERS
chair; but he is always polite and quiet.
and says: Thank you for every at
tention so that feel as though ! was
serving one of the chosen people.
have been told by other people who have
been in my chair that that same quiet
little private secretary of Senator Al
lison is one of the most influential men
in the capitol building. He does not
make any pretensions, and always talks
in a very low tone of voice without any
degree of excitement and apparently
without any degree of particular inter-
est in anything, but gentlemen of high
standing who have been in my chair
Have told me he is a very shrewd and
sagacious politician, who knows more
of public men than any other man in
private life in the country. do not
know anything about those things my
self, but | am sure from what people
have said to me that he must be a very
superior man, indeed, in the higher
walks of life.
"The Washington correspondent of a
! prominent Pennsylvania newspaper has
| boarded at this hotel and have shaved
him a number Of times, zoo He is q
very impetuous sort of fellow, who
wants everything done according to his
own way of thinking, and he has very
little respect for the opinion of the bar.
Der. There are several particular
places upon his face, where the beard
| is very rough, and he insists upon hav.
! ing those places shaved very smooth
If everything is not done exactly as he
wants il, he declares that he is not half
shaved. Nearly all newspaper men are
cranks when they are in the BARRIERS
chair"
1T is difficult 10 get some of the sen
ators and representatives TO sit for their
photographs" says one of the prom
inent photographers in Washington
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

Eugushmen drink Ave times as much
lie as coffee. Americans eight times 90
much coffee as tea.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

ally, than that. The western senator,
however, never pays more than Is cents
for shave. His skin is very thin and
his beard is very tough, and unless am
very careful | am liable TO draw blood
on him. If a single drop of blood APP
pears and he discovers it, then there is
terrific row, for he is a very eccentric
sort of a person. He sent for me to
come TO his room last Sunday morning
and give him a shave there, and l did
so. lie sat in a rocking chair and
leaned very far back while was shaw
ing. guess he must have fallen asleep,
because he had sort of convulsive
twitch and pushed his feet out against
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
FARM AND GARDEN.
TOLL ROADS MUST GO.
They Are Completely out of Harmony
with the Times.

with the Times.
There are localities in which toll
roads exist and are fairly well kept,
and where the other roads are exceed
ingly poor. BY comparison, at least,
the toll roads are excellent. In such
cases the wheelmen are apt to deprecate
agitation looking TO the abolition of toll
roads, fearing that everything would
sink 70 the level OF the average, un-
cared-for country road. They prefer
10 retain the existing toll roads, with
their many Objectionable features, to
letting them go and taking the chances
ON other roads improved and properly
cared for.
This is perfectly natural. Cycling de-
ponds so much on the character of the
roadways that we cannot afford to let
any fairly good roads become deterior-
ated, and some correspondents tell US
that where turnpike companies have
given up their charters the roads have
been allowed TO go to ruin. Such con-
dition of affairs is all wrong, and in
dicates failure of the people to realize
their own interests and a lack of pro-
gressiveness in thisvery Important irec-
ton. Does it not indicate, too, that
wheelmen have not agitated the road
question long enough and thoroughly
enough to arouse popular sentiment
and get public opinion formed intelli-
gently on the subject?
AS soon as the Importance OF having
good highways is once appreciated, and
the people become sensible of the neces-
sity for concerted action, and the CO.
operation of the state, when they get
out of their ruts and outgrow the notion
that good roads would be only of local
value, and unite In suitable legislation
for their promotion, they will realize
how completely toll roads have had
their day, passed their sphere of use
fulness, and how out of harmony they
are with the times.
The usefulness of toll roads in limit
ed number of localities constitutes no
argument for nurturing an institution
which was born under very different
| conditions from those which now pre-
vail, and which, after failing to move
with the rapid progression of the times,
has fallen into a decline, and in many
places refuses either to meet the re-
quirements of the times or vacate in ia
vor of the public. On the contrary,
it imposes a greater responsibility upon
the wheelmen of such sections, as pio-
neers in the good roads movement, to
carry on an agitation that will result in
The improvement Of the country roads,
and success in this direction viii even
tually wipe out of existence the toll
roads, through the changes that will re-
suit from the construction of modern
! highways. A. w. Bulletin.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
Regularity in Milking.

Regularity in> time of milking is nee
essary. The dairy COW is a good time
keeper, and knows very well when milk
ing time comes. If she is neglected and
allowed TO go far beyond the regular
time, she begins 10 worry and loss fol-
lows. There are some cows that GER
tain mixers can never get clean. They
milk out all that flows readily, strip
around once or twice, and call her fin
ished With some cows this win do,
but with others the mixer must reach
well up on the udder, and work it with
a sort of kneading process. a little
manipulation of this sort will cause
the whole quantity to flow in to the
teats, whereas without it there win be
from gill to pint of the richest milk
left in the uddcr every time. which
means prematurely dry COW.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
Mixed Maxiu1S,

A man is known by the trumpery he
keeps.
Never put a gift cigar in your mouth.
The lack of money is the root of all evil
Where wisdom is bliss It's folly to be ig.
uorant.
a pitch in time saved the nine.
Chain up a child and away he will go.
Virtue is its only reward.
The course of free love never did run
smooth.
A bird in the band lays no eggs
All that a man hath will he give to his
wife
Many hands like light work
It's wise child that owes his own father.
The rolling stone catches the worm.
Oscillation is the thief OF time.
A thirsty man will catch al a straw.
Straws show which way the gin goes.
Heaven lies about us in our infancy, and
this world lies about us when we are grown
up.
1t is not good for man to give loan.
The wages of sin is debt
Every dogma must have its day.-Carolyn
Wells, in Chap Book.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
MarfEuRna n.

Southern Arizona and Mexico pro,
ducc a weed called the mariguana
which. mixed with tobacco and smoked
produces more powerful effect than
opium or any other known agent OF
fumigation. Under its influence even
the sedatc Mexican becomes noisy as a
cowboy and has TO be lassoed and put in
the calaboose to cool off. Gen Shriver
Of the prison force AT Yuma. has just
discovered a quantity Of the substance
prepared for smuggling into the prison
for the use of the convicts, who pay
four dollars an ounce for it. and are OBJ
streperous and hilarious while il lasts
Chicago Inter Ocean.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
Wen Making in winter

The winter is a good time for well
making, says the Farm journal. One
can soon chop through the frozen
crust, and the man digging will be
warm enough. The men handling the
windlass will be if they put up a wind
break of some boards or cornfoddcr
There is more time for Matchmaking in
the winter than during any other sea-
son of the year, There is not much
water below the surface layer, hence il
one gets strong well in winter it is
not likely that il will fail him in a
time of drought. When the ground is
frozen the brick or stone for the walls
can be hauled without injury 70 the
fields
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
PASTURE CowsHED.

can be MIXED, and the milk brought
home instead of the COWS! The shed
may have a box stall built in it for n
cow that has a calf while at pasture,
and also couple of stanchions where
nervous cows can be confined while
milking The roof and two sides af-
ford protection from rains, either by
night or by day when at pasture. One
can ride TO and from a distant pasture,
carrying the milk in big milkmen's
cans, to keep it from stopping, The
plan will save work for the farmer and
viii increase the profit from the COWS.
Orange Judd Farmer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
She Wanted All the Days.

There is always bountiful crop of stories
concerning the doings Of congressional WON
son of the year. Most of the tales are
apochryphal, but this one is perfectly true
for the stationer himself told me about it.
The woman is the wife Of member from
somewhere in the west, and she had never
been in Washington till a fortnight ago,
She went to a stationer's to order visiting
cards.
What day do you wish engraved on
them asked the clerk.
ooh" answered Mrs. Congressman, I've
got to have several days. | can't make a
my calls in one day. Engrave me some cards
for Monday calls, and some for TUESDAY,
and-wel, it's going to be expensive, but
guess I've got to do it. Make me some for
every day in the week except Sunday -
Washington Post
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
500 Reward 500.

The readers of this paper will be pleased
TO learn that there is at least one dreaded
disease that science has been able to cure ~
all its stages, and that is Catarrh Halls
Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure
known to the medical fraternity Catarrh
being a constitutional disease, requires a
constitutional treatment. Halls Catarrh
Cure is taken internally, acting directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces Of the
system, thereby destroying the foundation
of the disease, and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution and
assisting nature in doing its work. The
proprietors have so much faith in its cura.
tive powers that they offer One Hundred
Dollars for any case that it fails TO cure
Send for list OF testimonials
Address +. j. Cheney & Co, Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c
Halls Family Pills are the best
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
FLOOD GATE SUBSTITUTE

been placed in position. 1t is best to
make the poles or rails of some good
timber, Use enough of these 10 make
the fence or gate sufficiently high.
These swing around on the rods as the
water forces them apart. When the
water recedes these can be agar placed
material. The ends are laid on each
other, as in building up rail fence
Albert Shoemaker, in Orange Judd
Farmer,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

The leading druggists sell Burnett's Go.
coaine" II is an absolute cure for dsndruH,
besides making the hair grow by nourish-
ing the roots Joseph Burnett Co, 81 India
St. Boston, Mass, also issue pamphlet
which they send free to anyone interested,
entitled; The Hair, Its Care and Man
agement" II would bc profitable reading
for almost everyone because there are very
few persons whose hair would not be greatly
benefited by more careful attention than il
receives
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
TONSORIAL PHILOSOPHY.
A Washington Barber Talks About
His Customers.
Some He Likes, others He Thinks TOO
Small for Any Use-Bits of History
which Have Never Been
Printed.
Especial wash!ngton Letter.

81 would just as lief shave the west
ern senator as not" said a barber in a
prominent hotel in the national capital,
''if he would only pay me for the trouble
that am obliged TO take with him. OF
course the price of a shave is only u
cents, oEt nearly all of the guests Of
prominent hotels are men of wealth
and they usually pay the barber quar-
ter, or give him bigger tip, occasion
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

In order TO prevent a butter print
from cracking, put the print in damp
place or wet it slowly in cold water, al
lowing it to remain but few minutes
at time. The print, of course, cannot
be used until the wood is thoroughly
saturated with water. After this 1t ca a
be placed in hot water If desirable.
Care must be taken in drying The print.
Keep ii in damp place out of the sun,
as sudden drying or wetting causes
cracking.--Dallota Field and Farm.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
PtTH AND POINT.

"A Liquid ParadoY.-"Any soft
driuks?" only hard cider."-Cleye-
land Plain Dealer.
Wanted to knQw.-Pastor-"Come
out to church tomorrow. l feel sure
you will enjoy the sermon" Friend
Who is going to preach ?"-Harlem
Life.
Coal Operator (despondently) ~
wish a way could be found to relieve
the giut in the coal market" Con
sumner (confdentially)- Tell The deal
ers to give better weight" N. y. Week
~.
Another Clever Womau.-'My wife
can tell what time it is in the middle of
the night when il is pitch dark" How
does she do ito" "She makes me get
up and look at the clock. Chicago
Record.
Willing TO Try.-Rapturous Youth
darling, my salary is $50 week. Do
you think you could live on that?' His
Affianced-"Why. yes, George, 1 can
get along on that. But whatll you live
on ?'-Chicago Tribune.
ession.-Bingham = Bon.
ner is so aggrayatingly self-possessed."
Rawlius-"Yes. He could wear n
checked golf suit at a wedding and car
ry himself as though the groom was a
mere csddy."-Philadelphia North
American.
More Wonderful-Mr. Gaswell--
AN eastern astronomer says he has dis
covered two groups of spots on the
sun" Mr.. Gasbill-'I wish he would
come to Pittsburgh and make an effort
TO discover the sun itself. Pittsburgh
Chronicle-Telegraph.
Easily Done.-Of course he thought
he knew it all. \ man always does.
"When it comes to the art of managing
servants" he began. Its very easily
done" she interrupted. "Oh, you adj
init it, do you?" he asked. II DO" she
said. Its like managing children. All
that is necessary is to let them have
their own Chicago Evening
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

There have been worse prophecies
than this of the poet Keats, written to
his brother George IN Kentucky in ISIS:
Russia may spread her conquest even
to China think ii a very likely thing
that China itself may fall. Turkey GER
tainly viii. Meanwhile European North
Russia will hold its horns against the
rest of Europe. intriguing constantly
with France" Chicago Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
Demand for More BattIeships.

The Secretary OF the Navy has demanded
more battleshps, and there can be no doub.
that Congress will consider his recommend
atoms Protection is what our sea ports
require, and Notifications will not adequate
IL supply this Defense against all disorders
Of malarial type is, however, adequately
afforded by ITostetter's Stomach Bitters. an
efficient remedy, also, for constipation, BIZ
iousness, dyspepsia, rheumatism and nerv
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
HIS FRIEND THE PRESIDENT.
IN unconventional caller Upon the
lkLcE L1nc,ItiAe Of Franco.


! - 80 '''e ',o!' ., wv - ~
/ me r''i'n t.l'"o''' '''''' mug II ne 's
now ior ol'leia' reasons u'''N"'ins .ne
-e''''N OF emperor : ne "oSe 'oe ioi
get that tue greater part oi ms iii' mas
been spent as one OF ''ie oonS bourgeois
! OF eoi"'herelal 'o'''ii''i'e's u " prov ~
1 el@. 90" p
tie Is ~alo 70 ne Hui'e a. sI"o ~ see
( ms humo'e itleuoS ot o,l'CI '"S II ON
/ haNre' al me IaIaee Oh 'lle Ely SEE 's ne
/ = 20 .te princes 'io Po'Ti''a.e per
maps in"eh loole el'". y ! '',9'an Joui-
( MAJ ''''S a., an "''0 p Y','O3
/ s'GFH '' me N'Si' =. "ne VI tiiese 'iu
/ Irltnds 20 me lItSldeht'di IesiueIlce'
/ IN INC court o. ioHoI " the "IdVe
/ OF me Eiyse'' one Gay ia'eiS' cao'
/ craven al a raP,d rate GREW up oc'ore
ting gran" portal. y STOUT country man.
/ clustering ana W'Pihg M Iotehead'
BUSTED ont OF the Gao and rushed TO
/ the door WITH such precipitation lha'
neither Neniues, ponce ushers nor
/ d"orkcepers' who sWarmed IN alarm
from an q~ectiohS' eou'o stop NM
+ bat he mao not ge' Tar before an eN-
cite" crowd surrounded MIN.
me- genera alarm was soon a,'ayed
y i'' JOIN 'uo Pul'e eNlUehuN harm'
'eSN aspect OF l"e VISITOR. purine an the
tlfmou ne "'S CNelaim'n% rapidly;
,l,s~, .on,sbp,Iy, Tell Felix-"
..ynp ,n,a, liz cxce,lenrv ~. nros;.
H.. ~ ~. ran,blic--~
~. =, -. :, ,l,,.s+,,,,.,.,,,,,.-,..
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
A Diplomatic Invitation

Jack Fiancc- was great surprise to nt
to learn that you had invited your neigh
bols. the Flatpurses. TO our wedding.
,Iessica-Ah, but ascertained that they
were in such unquestionablely straiteneC
circumstances that they wouldn't come
That means they won't have money to gel
us a wedding present, and we will have d
legitimate provocation for cutting then
afterwatd. Judge.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

Pa said Tommy, what is ecouo-
my?"
Economy. replied Mr.. Hardup, with
a meaning glance at his wife, "is walk
ing three blocks TO save a car fare and
making a kick fer a new bonnet Oh the
strength Of it."-N. Y. journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

She-f ought 10 have new hat.
He-The one you've got amt very
shabby.
Sbe-Well, no. its not as shabby as
YOU are. hut it is 50 shabby I'm ashamed
to be seen on the street with it-Tam-
mnnv Times
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
The Mean Thing.

"My face" said the Seasoned Soubrette,
is my fortune. you don't say so" retorted
the Funny Comedian. II thought it stood
! for what you owed" and why did you
| think it stood for what owed?" asked the
! Seasoned Soubrette Because" explained
| the Funny Comedian. Il see you have it
| chalked up. Indianapolis journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
Foruot Them.eIye..

Gentlemen, gentlemen" shouted
the man in the ticket office TO the inn
patient crowd in line at a Brooklyn thea
ter. "Stop pushing. Remember, you
are not out with your baby carriages
povv,''-Yonkers Statesman.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

The John A. Salzer Seed Company. La
l.4O0 barrels Of their celebrated Salzer's
Earliest Weeks Market Potato TO Texas
customers. This potato has the reputation
Of being the earliest. the finest favored and
the heaviest producing early potato in the
nnnnI ~
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
NOT HARD TO MAKE.
How TO Construct n Good Substitute
for q ELnnh Gnte.

Where a food gate cannot he used,
the device shown in the illustration is
very desirable; represents the posts
or trees to which the device is attached;
b is a piece of iron in the shape of a
capital l., the lower end of which is
driven into the post. Further up IS a
small iron with an eye which fits over
the upper end of this iron. Thisis driven
in or turned in after the poles have
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
PASTURE COW SHED.
4 plan That Saves Lots of Work al
InrrCuapS profits

: PIan TINT SHVcS Lots of WORK aHd
Increases Profits.
On many farms the pasture is long
way from the house and barn. On
others it is often desired TO pasture
cows on another farm a mile or 50
away, owned, it may he, by the same
man. In either event, the COWS must
be driven a long way twice day, TO
the loss of milk and cream. A better
plan is to build a COW shed, with yard
attached, in the pasture. Here the cows
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

picker Pete-Poor Mickey Hes
ravin' crazy!
Slippery slim-Wot's de matter wild
him?
Picker Pete-He tried 10 pick q
lrddy's nocketl-N Y. Journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

Mrs. White-Docs your daughter speak
French fuently now:
Mrs Brown-Well, she speaks something
tucntly, and it doesn't sound at all like Eng
lsh so perhaps it may be French-Somer
Vile journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

People who can get no credit usually find
great deal of fault with others who are
slow to pay.-Washingto Democrat,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03

Where a man is too utterly trifiing 20 do
anything else. he hunts Up an estate Of his
ancestors that he was cheated out Of
Washington Democrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1898-02-03
uua co.,nanx.

HE said he judged people by the con
pany they kept"
What did you say Pr
said 'gooG-by r-Pick-Me-up.