The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-07-17

He Expounds to his Parents the soisntiae
Side OF RisrlnR.

Ho kNnoumn0 70 HIS Parents the OdienttHo
Side of Kissing.
When Mrs. Finn caught her boy Mickey kiss
Ing Ellen Riley In the alley which separated the
Riley demesne from the limited area compris-
ing tho Finn estate. she teased the boy until
tho tears came into his eyes. and when Mr..
Finn came home at night both Of his cruel par
ents inflicted punishment upon him In the
shape OF rldicule.
Did II taste like honey or molasses ~ asked
Mrs. Finn. ironically.
Yes. Mickey" added his father, land did
you kiss her on tho ear or on the back OF the
neck 2"
This playful badinAge was kept mp until In
desperation born Of superior oratorical knowl-
edge acquired at school. Mickey blurtedout
well, II makes no differ whore l kissed her,
but 1 know moro about kissing than either you
or father"
1t happened that his parents had had thirty
years OF experience. Consequently his reply
ELECTED an explosion OF derisive laughter.
"oh. you do. do you, you young larrup." ex-
claimed Mr.. Finn. II suppose you have been
stravagin' around Cooney Island kissing alltho
girls you could flndl"
many girls as I'd like to. but 1 learned in school
how to kiss o girl and to do It a. 1t should be
DONE"
"oh. he. ma bold bucko." said Mr.. Finn,
us that what they do be teachin' you at
SCHOOL, But, oell US how It's done, Mickey.
Mike Callahan used to show us how to shfloot a
Teddy In ireland. but 1 dunno how they do It in
America. Do you take the Teddy By the chin
and the back hair and pounce down upon her
like a bat on a June bug. or howf"
No. It's not about how you grab her. or
about how IL tastes, or anything like that"
replied Mickey. "'Tis the science Of kissing I
know all about"
Faith / never knew there was amy science
In its all" continued Mr.. Finn. Sure twas
the taste Twas always after. But FIRE away.
my lad"
WELL" continued the youth. gaining conf
dence now that he felt the security Of knowl-
edge within him. the first thing you do whom
you're going to kiss q Teddy Is to get your
orblcularis oris In shape"
Il always thought twas POUR mouth you
fixed" said Mrs. Finn. pouting her lips In ex-
planatory fashion. where Is that Quare thing
you are talking about2"
"'Tis the puckerlng string that goes around
your mouth, mother. When you have your
arm around your girl and her head on your
shoulder, your brain telegraphs to your mouth
that you are ready. and then the orbioularis
orls does the rest. Dye seer"
Il hear. but 1 don't understand. Mickey
exclaimed his mother.
LID Il W hluAo j pldlus mOOLlOE, Eopl0u
the boy. But mebbe you'd understand 1t bet
ter If 1 told you that the pickering string has
another name-the sphinxter muscle"
Faith, that's as bad as the other" said Mrs.
Finn. wrinkling her fair brow in perplexity.
But tell US how 1t works"
ITO make it plain to you. mother" went on
tho youthful demonstrator. Il must tell you
that when you kiss a girl according to science
you will have to use eighteen muscles In your
face. besides the muscles in your arms that you
use to keep her from running away"
By this time Mr.. Finn had become deeply in
terested in the conversation. He looked over
his spectacles at his son and exclaimed:
Whats that nonsense you are tellin' your
mother. Mickey? II you are maxim game of
her I'll lay you over mo knee and lather you
till you're black and blue"
We'll. il you don't believe me I'll show you
the book" said Mickey. rising and taking an
few seconds. he said:
There are four sets of muscles in the head
the depressors o.. the inferior maxillary, the
elevators OF the inferior maxillary, the muscles
e eheeR RA IL yo oSS count TEn the s muscles sie m of the t OF sne
there are seven more OF them. SO that every
tongue you use twenty-five muscles at wan
! 18th Of the elder Firms had become Pro.
in a doubtful manner until Mr.. Finn broke the
silence with:
. o,,those days he'll be sPeech!fyin' and eilin' Us
all about the planets, But there's wan mistake
, have eighteen muscles in your tongue instead
,",Arrqh, go away Mid your fun. Nike ex.
claimed Mrs. Finn. Then turning to her son
Ills inoledge you have. my lad. Go or
:; and tell us what's n maxillary-I dunno"
You have two OF them. mother" continued
mavilarv md yOttr lnu-ar tnuy ia t-pur infario,
r g MSfI have, to ST use W fse d div SRsn m s9sF @oeSt
. Piat asH r myoides. II TRer ay aTe twS bellie esG to t the
%p pissinin' il @ to MRS. o HBfIaie eHdS S ]Snteri oPa an nd t sn
: posteri9E5Itand az OF these muscles are Joined t'
n "0h. myi oh, my!". exclaimed Mrs. Finn
What. a terrible thing it Is to open you.
g mouth But 1t don't hurt. Mickey. darlint.
working her Jaw up and down by way OF Illus
n mo. tits aisy. as the pig said whin he chewet
k you'll mind l was tellin' you about the hyold
,%T DE S 9Hq Hyoi 5qt you could do no kissing il yo'
"U!siha: God save u.s." said Mrs. Finn devout
Ills right here" said Mickey. touching hi
Il Il Ei s ] y %iSfe he's ! tRst ii little ms aseE Is to do will
mouth nfs' a PS' ted ED t to it, %s %nd Il 'Rss U sSns You
q mouth would be shut tight as 9 elamshen,, ant
Is Mrs. Finn was filled with amazement.
seemed to her that she was listening to som
sort Of, an, incarnation. Kissing had Away
= seemed to be q very simple matter in her prlm
tive Appreciation sort Of open-your-mouth
and-shut-your-eyes- and III give-you- some
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS proposition, But he
y son had made 1t a very complicated process
n Her perplexity was deepened by Mickey, VIII
said:
.ftorg9t to tell you, that It's not proper t.
Dear. deal, hear the boy talk" exclaime
Mrs. Finn. "Mebbe you'd rather ask her 70
q slapl'
10 No. mother. you don't understand me. ]
:, woman. you'd say-that is II you wanted to b
p polite-Fsir Teddy. would you let me osculat
N Faith. II you were n man and not n monkey
you'd kiss her first and talk Dutch to her after
ward" said Mr.. Finn. sarcastically.
" .",Tis not Dutch. it's Greek" exclaime
ID Mickey.