The herald., 1898-12-15
MADDEN IMMORTALlZED
A BUM ALLOWED TO TALK INTO
A PHoNoaRAPH
He Tells His Story of "Concocted
Scheme" and Is Found Guilty of
Being "Dhrroonk"

Nothing short of phonograph revolving
at the rate of sixty miles an hour could
have done justice to the flow of words which
weTled and bubbled and gurged from the
throat of James Madden yesterday after
noon in the police court while he was indg-
nantly denying to Judge Morrison that he
had been dr-r-r-unk at "Our House." a
Main street saloon on Monday when ar
rested there by Constable Mugnemi. James
Madden is an Irish patriot of eccentric
manners and brogue as big as peat bog,
much given to wearing shamrocks and green
ribbons in his hat and comfortably voluble
jags in his internal corporosity. He has
been arrested time and again for being in.
toxicated, and while in that condition max
ing a nuisance of himself by his incessant
chatter. Owing to his amusing antics he
has nearly always been let off with floaters,
which he afterwards had to serve when he
again fell from grace and was arrested
The fact that the inimitable Mr.. Madden
and his brouge would be heard in explana-
ton, supplcation, expostulation and objur-
cation at 2 p. m. in the police court had
drawn an audience such as has not been
seen there in months. While the current
business was being transacted Mr.. Madden,
in the favorite pose of Patrick Sarsfield,
was rehearsing his address to the court and
thinking so hard that he could be heard.
After the constable and his many witnesses
had shown that Madden's language and
actions showed conclusively that he had
bummed enough drinks to make him nutty,
the prisoners vocal avalanche came thun-
dering down from his volumnous mouth
into the capacious funnel of one of Tally $
monographs which had been procured for
the occasion, SO as to preserve fo- posterity
in its integrity never-equaled combina-
tion of brogue and eloquence Which those
who were not present when Mr. Madden
talked the court to death may enjoy here
after at secondhand.
"Arrah, now, dacint man, yer homer"
quoth Madden, 81 wasn't dhr-r-r-unk at
all, at ALL when that felly ar-r-r-risted me,
and Oh didn't troy to take off me pants at
the station, nayther. Whin Oi wint into
Our House Oh just walked over to the bar
for to get dhr-r-r-rink. A ginteman
ca-alled me oop. Oh TUX half-and half. We
got talking and he says: Take another
one, sez he. And Oh had another dhr-r-rink.
Thin Oh walked out to light me poipe, and
whin Oh cum back, Oh says, say Oh: 'Oi don't
dhr-r-r-rink no more says Oi, 'onless it be
soda wa-a-ter.'
As Mr.. Madden said soda water the tele-
phone bell rang and he started guiltily as
if he thought some one had started chest.
nut bell on him. When he had recovered
he gave resume of the "r-r-rounds" he had
had, which consisted of two half-and-ha1fs
one "tomcat" gin and two glasses Of beer.
'But, yer homer, honist man, Oh WASH t
dhr-r-r-runk, Oi was NOT intoxicated, at all.
at all. The officer that TUX me in SAID Oi
was and that Oh was bum. AS far as Inc
opinion goes its concocted schame for to
artist me be the orders of Chafe Glass, bad
cess to him. Oh have no MARI to say for the
prisint, except that Officer Farty-foive, now
present, has always treated me foine and
square and that he isn't in the schame.'
Madden was found guilty and sentenced
to three days imprisonment, which, with
fifty-day foater hanging over him, made a
bad outlook, but he used his tongue again
to such good account that he was allowed
to take his departure, blessing Judge Nor
rson, Officer Farty-foive and damning the
Daigo."