The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-05-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

"He's rather timid, is he not?"
every. Why, he's so timid that he's
scared by war-scaresw-
He-"'Then 1 go-and for ever
She-''Yery WE'LL But don't call to.
morrow evening; for sha'n't be in
Life.
Harry, do you love your little
baby brother?" whats the use?
He wouldn't know it if 1 didI"-Tid-
Bits.
Watts-"Bixley is sad wag,"
Potts" Especially when none will
laugh at his jokes. Indianapolis
journal.
''It doesn't do any good to scold the
ianitor about our cold rooms" Eyes,
it does. get all warmed up when
talk to him. Chicago News.
She-'I like your impudence. I
haven't reached the bargain counter
yet" He-"You would be bargain
on any counter. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
II have just taken my newly gradu-
ated grandson into business with me"
"How are you getting on with him?"
"Well, 1 seem to please him. Life.
I've heard the sweeping statement made
That money talks; it's funny,
For certain species not verbose
The kind known as hush-money.
Puck.
Father - "Henry, have you and
your new watch parted company al
ready?" Henry Qaconicslly)
Broke" Father-"Which?"-Jew-
elers' Journal.
The Uncle-"Are you entirely salts
fed with your lot?" The Niece (still
angry at her grandfather's will)-"No,
I'm not. 1t ought to have house on
it."-Harlem Life.
Wiggles-'My physician has order
ed me never to take active exercise
after hearty meal" Waggles--
"Well. what of it?" Wiggles-"T
board "-Somerville Journal.
young Mr.. Tizzens called on me
last week." said Maud. ibid hep"
replied Mamie. "He told he was 60
ing to reserve all disagreeable duties
for Lent. w Washington Star.
Mr.. Hunter-'I have a speaking
acquaintance with Miss Throckmor-
ton" Mr.. Spatts-"You are very
lucky. All her other acquaintances
are listening acquaintances. Judge.
'Tls not the man who really tolls
That makes the greatest row;
inic hp with nothing alaa In do
Who stands around the whole day thro'
To tell the others how.
Washington Star.
Dicky Doolittle-''I feel veal devil
ish to-day Let's do something out
of the ordinary" Teddy Thoughtless
Gail wight; we'll have 'bweakfast
food for dinner, doncher-know."-
Judge.
The Sitting One-"Jones is so near
sighted he once took man for
giraffe" The Standing One-''That's
nothing. / once took lady for
sail. " - Browning, King & Co.'s
Monthly.
81 tell you, he is a Spanish sympa-
thizer. He must be-. 'But why?"
"He has three different arguments to
illustrate how the Maine affair might
have been an accident. "-Philadelphia
North American.
Mrs. Ar think your husband is
very quiet dresser" Mrs. B.
Him! You might change your opin
ion if you heard him looking for his
clothes some mornings. browning,
King & Co. s Monthly.
Admirer time 2:30 a. m.)-"Has
your father any objection to my pay
ing you visits, Miss Maud?" Miss
Maud-"O, no - but-er-I think
that he'd rather you paid them in in
stallments. Brooklyn Life.
Ethel-"Why didn't you attend
Professor Dumps lecture on The
Cycles of Time?' 1t was very inter
esting." Maude-"The subject of
the lecture was embarrassing to me.
You know, dear, I bought my wheel
on the installment plan. "-Pittsburg
Press.
81 want war;" said Billets, face
tiously, "because 1 am in hopes that
in that way some of my creditors will
be killed Off" 81 suppose" re-
marked Crisp, "that You would rather
see them killed outright than have
them starve to death. ."-Philadelphia
North American.