The herald., 1898-06-26
BABY IN SPINSTERDOM

"A note from the Pattersons," comment
Cd Maude, shutting the mornings mail:
"Dear Girls read the note. will you
get us tickets for Blank for Tuesday
afternoon? We have not decided what
to do about baby, but we are deter
mined not to miss Blank. Will be
greatly indebted.
JULIA PATTERSON"
We got the tickets and were about tc
post them when the same thought occurred
to US simultaneously.
'Of course. Only a few hours Put him
to sleep and there you are!' In such wise
We induced ourselves to send an invitation
to Paul and Julia to bring the baby and
stay to lunch. "You can safely leave the
baby with us for the afternoon we wrote
They accepted. Tuesday came.
We got up at the weird hour of half past
G and worked all morning to make oui
establishment presentable for such excel
lent Philistine householders as the Pat
tersons. A rigorous inspection just before
noon revealed not a suspicion of anything
not en- regle. Cigarette apparatus and
books of tone were inundated in the low
est drawer of the china closet, while bot
ties and appurtenances were demurely
ranged on the dark, top shelf.
Strange forebodings seized me as heard
goo-goos and motherly cooling upon our
guests approach. Maude met them at the
door with effusion, but completely forgot
to include the baby in her greetings. Julia
was beatifically obivious to any slight tow
ard her darling, and with smile of su-
preme condescension laid the bundle of
fiannels and muslins in the recreant's awk-
ward arms.
"Oh, the sweet thing! LOWE, LOWE" "
murmured Maude in velvety tones, which
to my suspicious ear seemed a trifle over
done. The fond parents beamed.
The instant I appeared Maude trans
ferred the Pattersonan scion to me with
strange alacrity and excused herself, say
ing she must go and see about luncheon. 1
was left unsupported to be initiated in the
minutae of baby's life history. A few
short months before Paul and Julia were
as sensible pair as ever had
wed. They had been wont to de-
clare against the parental practice
of boring kith and kin with stu
sistency! There they sat, pouring forth
THEIR SOulS Ill tCStdCltS VI JOY dDoQl lll's
baby, the baby, the baby! keyed myself
to meet the demands upon my interest
and sympathy. 1 racked my brains for
every bit of gaff 1 had ever heard about
the little stupids. 1 interlarded my inco-
herent converse with honeyed interjections
directed to the sphnx-like face in my arms.
Ye saints above, Would Maude never
get that luncheon? To be sure she had
only two pans at command, yet 1t seemed
to me 1 could have cooked enough rations
for the gallant Seventh in the time it took
her to fry some young doves. cook puree
and coffee. The villains!
AT last, when, / was threatened with alb
solute collapse, when my smile was grow
peared and coolly, sweetly announced that
luncheon was ready.
The kitchen smelled of Turkish sweet.
and 1 noticed that Paul and Julia shifted.
Maude had not only escaped but had also
been fortifying herself with a smoke. I
swore revenge.
The meal passed off smoothly enough,
Maude and I surreptitiously acquiring the
forks and knives between courses to wash
them. When we got as far as the berries,
grew apprehensive-there was long, un-
canny afternoon ahead of us.
Still, perhaps, parentless baby is not so
bad-just as sometimes husband is more
endurabfe when his wife is not at his ell
bow, and vice versa. But the three to-
gether! Abracadabra!
Then too, babies have collie and things.
What If Baby Patterson should take it