The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-11-22
MR.. AND MRS. BINE.

MIR. AND MRS. BINE.
There is probably no better natured
husband in the world than 1. say this
in no boasting spirit, but merely to re-
ite1ate fact that my wife would have
realized long ago if it had been her
misfortune to have married some other
man. In our quiet little neighborhood
on the south side there is no phrase
that better conveys the ultimate of
cheereulness than the one that is in CON
slant use, GAS good natured as Mr..
Bine. " Now, repeat this reference to
my well known and most admired char
acteristie is not made in a spirit of self
exultation, for am about to chronicle
its downfall-temptrary downfall, /
hasten to add and also to remark that
| perhaps my wife is more to blame in
the matter than | am.
1 have heard that several persons
have wondered how / manage to get
along SO nicely with Constance Well,
perhaps l do deserve a great deal Of
credit, though / should be the last per-
son in the world to assert this. It
would not be unfair to myself to state
that Constance, though she admits she
is only 80 years old, does not look day
over %, and she still retains the major
portion of the piquant attractiveness
that made her belle in her young lady
| days and won me at first sight. So
after ALL it may be true that 1 am very
lenient toward her because she is still
very pretty and still reminds me of her
bride self. A great many persons, so
Constance has told me, say that she is
smarter than l am. I won't deny this
She reads the daily papers, mean
even reads outside the society page
while l can't get away from the markets
and politics. She knows where Dali
| quiri and Siboney are, and that the
Philippines are composed of l, 400 is
lands inhabited by 5000, 900 natives of
all sorts, sizes, classes and varieties,
but this information does not get Alice
a new frock or buy Joseph a pair of
shoes sufficiently large to cover an as
sortment of badly damaged vacation
toes.
However. this story of how l was
surprised into an expression of annoy
ance-perhaps 1 should say irritation
is what l wish to tell, that the truth of
it may be known. Constance says dis
played anger, but then she is a great
tease. 1t was midnight to the stroke of
the courthouse clock. Then they began
Meeeeeeeee ow o-o-w-o-o-wo -miaou
Szzzskkkkkkkkk eeeeeee miaou-riaou-
rrrrrr- purrrrri Wow!ll Wowl WowiI
WOW Wowl a
My hair, in standing on ends, had
pulled me to sitting posture. 1t took
several minutes to catch my breath. I
am sure if 1 had not been an expert
diver when l was boy. l would have
expired now of suffocation. Then came
again that horrible interchange of dis
| sonanoe. 1t is needless to repeat the
suggestions that are used to indicate
the sputterings and ear scalding feline
anathemas. The noise seemed to come
from under the bed; in reality the
wretohes were just out of throwing dis
L SAdnCOQ at OOuSbduCc. Ou6 lay
quietly sleeping, looking not unlike a
reposing queen with her aureole of curl
papers. Again came those scarifying
screeches. How Constance can sleepl
She slowly turned half over, and still
not awake, touched me and managed to
murmur, "Stop snoring, Mr.. Bine. -
Really, that must have been the first
thing that influenced me in The direc-
tion of losing my temper. Stop snoringl
| AS if l ever snored. And it was not the
first time Constance had accused me of
snoring. can take a joke as we'll as
any one, but when Constance accuses
me of such undignified proceedings 1
confess it does not move me to geniali-
! ty. Then the cats began again, and
Constance, awakening to the situation,
sat up and stammered out feebly,
"Shoo." Then she turned to me and
said, sleepily
''For goodness sake, go to sleep.
Don't let little noise like that worry
! you"
She instantly followed her own ad-
vice, and l may say here positively that
! if do snore l have no reason to feel
lonesome. l crept softly out of bed and
after searching vainly for an empty bot
tie poured the remainder of my "Old
Cabinet, into glass, corked the flask
and fired it in direction from which
the disturbing sounds seemed to come.
| When that bottle struck the ground, 1t
exploded like a torpedo, and would
not have been surprised if l had sunk
part Of the street. Constance was awake
again instantly. She reached her hand
out and discovered was gone and then
moaned out, "Oh, Mr.. BineP'
| / explained what it was, and she
wanted to know where got an empty
bottle. told her. She said it was just
an excuse to take a toddy, and-well,
like for Constance to be right occasion
ally. Constance was wide awake, the
cats had fed and 1 was just about to
go back to sleep.
"Sh- -hh-hhl" whispered Con-
stance, grasping my arm in an agitated
fashion.
''Boshp' said I. Constance, the cats
have gone" suppose 1 shouldn't have
said "Bosh p in the tone did
"It's not the cats, +" whispered Con-
stance. "Listen -
could hear nothing.
SIN the corner, " soft pedaled Con-
stance.
"Well, it doesn't worry me, - said.
cts a mouse" she volunteered,
With a shiver of fright.
Now, that was just like a woman,
but l didn't dare tell Constance so-un-
disturbed by yowling cats, yet thrown
into fright over sound that it took
me 8 minutes to hear and Is minutes
more to locate. lit the gas and started
on search for the mouse.
Then it was that Constance forged to
the front as military dictator. She
could give Shafter miles and then beat
him. Huddled up in the middle of the
bed she conducted the campaign, leav-
ing me to go to the front and get into
the hot of battle. Spaniards are like
getting money from home in comparison
to catching mouse.
"Oh, he's eating up that edition de
luxe of the Three Musketeers' that you
gave me when we were engaged,
squealed Constance.
Now as that edition de luxe she men
toned consists of two volumes that
weigh about three pounds each, and as
there is arsenic in the green binding, 1
didn worry about it, but went to the
bookshelves, pulled back the curtains,
gave a shove or two ON the bottom shelf
and out jumped one of the most fero-
oious mice l ever saw. l jumped to