Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1898-10-13
The Indian War.

est men we iver had said Mr. Dooley
'He said so many bright things. Twas
him said: War is hell an that's wan iv
til finest sayin's | know anything about.
War is hell It's a thrue wurrud an
fine sintiment An Gin raj Sherman says:
nh only good 1ndyun is Il dead 1ndyun.'
An that's good sayin', too. So be tn
powers, we've started in again to improve
TIL race, an if we can get in Gatlin' guns
enough befure tn winters SHOWS We'll
TURN thin Chippeways into a cimitry
branch iv tn Young Mems Christyan As
ISOLATION. We will so.
''Ye see, Hinnissy, tn Indyun is bound
FIR to give way to tn onward march iv
white civilization. l come along an /
find OF Snakes-inH His CATERS Twin quiet
an dacint i'll new frame house. Thinks
/: Ills a shame FIR to lave this savage
man in possession iv this fine abode, an
him not able f'r to vote an without
frind on tn polls foorce.' SO says /:
Snakes | says, get along, says l. L
want Yer house an We best move out west
iv tn thracks an dig hole FIJI ye'erself,'
| says. Divvle tn fut will | step out iv
this house. says Snakes. Il built it an
| have tn law on me side he says. FIR
why should | take Mary Ann, an Terence
an Honoria. an Robert Immitt Snakes
an all me little Snakes an rustic out
west iv tn thracks,' he says. far firm tn
bones iv me ancestors, he says, an be-
You'd tn wathcrpipe eXtinsion,' he says.
Because says |, 1 am tn walkin' Oily
gate iv white civilization | says. I'm
jist as civilized as you says Snakes. I
wear pants, he says, an a plug hat he
says. 'Ye might wear tin pairs, says /,
an all at wanst.' l says. AN yed still be
Il savage. says |. IAN I'd he civilized |
Gays. If ! hadn on SO much as 4 bangle
bracelet, | says. so get out says |,
IF tn pianny movers is outside r-ready to
go to wurruk.' | says.
well. Snakes he fires a shtoye lid at
me an | go down to tn polls station an
says /: Loot, | says. they Sc a drunken
lndyun not voting up near tn mills an
hes carryin' on outrageous an he won't
let me hang me pitchers on his wall says
|. Vile savage says tn loot. I'll tache
him to raysrict tn rules iv civiiiZation,'
he says. An he takes out a wagon load
an goes afther Snakes. Well, me frind
Snakes gives him battle, an KNOWN tn
premises we'll he's able to put up great
fight, but afther awhile they rip him away
IN have him in tn pathrol wagon with a
man settin' on his head. An thin he's
put undher bonds to KEEP the peace, an
they sind him out west iv tn TRACKS an
[ move into tn house an tear out tn
front an start a faro bank. Some day
Whin | git tired or SchwartZmeister
makes his lunch too sthrong f'r competi-
ton, III go afther Snakes again.
''Th on'y hope f'r tn Indyun is to put
his house on rol9ers an KEEP team hitched
start f'r tn settin' sun. He's rooned whin
he has a cellar He ought to put all tn
plugged dollars that he gets from tn agent
an be pickin' blueberres into rowlin'
stock. If he knew anything about bal
looms he'd have a chanst, but we white
men, Hinnissy, has all tn balloons. But,
anyhow. he's doomed, as Hogan says.
TIL onward march iv tn white civilization
with morgedges an other modhren i'm
provements is slowly but surely, as Hogan
says, chasin' him out, an tn last iv himll
be livin' in divin' bell somewhere out
in tn Pacific ocean"
We'll" said Mr. Hennessy, the stout
philanthropist. Il think so, an thin again,
/ dinnaw. | don't think we threat thin
fright. If was tn government I'd take
what they got, but I'd say: Here, take
this tin dollar bill an go out an Ghrink
yeersilf to DEATH I'd say. They ought to
have some show"
We'll" said Mr. Dooley, eff We feel that
way We ought to go an inlist as an Ind
yun ''-(yhica GO Journal