Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1898-07-29
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She-Now, can you guess my age, Ma
jor? Gallant Major-No, I can't; but
you don't look it.-Tit-Bits
Josh-It's wonder none of them fel-
lers ever found the north pole. Hiram
-Mebbe 1t amt there.
Hoax-I'm not going to call on sim
gle girl during Lent. Joax-Going In
for the married ones. eh?-Philadelphia
Record.
Poor Jimmie! Foive years In Sing
Singl do feel sorry for him." "Bedad,
an yure shympathy's trowed away.
He's surrounded by frinds. Harlem
Life.
Rastrs, Jr.-Poppie, is we gwine toe
hab turkey TO- NAH birfday? Rastus,
Er.-'Pends on de moon, chile, de night
befo'. Ponds on de moon.-Inter
Ocean.
Little Sister-What's the difrrence
tween Electricity apd lightnin'? Lit
tie Brother-You don't have to pay
nuthin' fur lightnir' Detroit Free
Press.
Sponger-Say, old man, can you oblige
me with cigar2 Fred (who knows
him)-Sorry, but I've the only one I'm
smoking, and another which shall
smoke shortly.
Mistress (severely)-If such a thing
occurs again, Norah, shall have to get
another servant. Norah-Oi wish yez
wud; there's aisily enough wurruk for
two av us.-Puck.
Daughter But, pa, Mr.. Sweetser has
accumulated competence. Pa-Com-
petence be blamedl Money is the thing.
You want husband who can support
you.-Transcript.
johnson wants to borrow some
money Of me. Do you know anything
about himT' / know him as well as /
do you. wouldn't let him have a
cent."-Indianapol Journal.
Perkins Slopay ever paid you
that ten dollars he borrowed last year?
Dobson-No. guess he has forgotten
all about It.; he Is just as social and
Attorney (sternly)- The witness will
please state II the prisoner was in the
habit Of whistling when alone Wit
ness-I don't know. was never with
the prisoner when he was alone.
De Short You notice, perhaps, that |
have sold my gold watch, and now car
ry q silver one Harduppe-Yes, old
man; It's only another proof of the old
saw: circumstances alter cases." you
Knoxville.
Brady-Did We hear av the folght be-
tuxt Hinnissey and O. Gawligan? Grady
-Oi did not. Was 1t to a finish? Brady
That was Hinnissey's intintion, but
Hinnissey was knocked out before he
got that far.-Boston Transcript
"Your SON. said the professor, has
been laborfng under a misapprehen-
sion" Peerless" exclaimed Farmer
Corntossel, with Joy in his voice, I'VE
don't meanitv' "Mean whatY "That
Josiar has been workin'."-Washington
Star.
Paterfamilias - Look here, Dick,
you've been bit wild yourself In your
day and I'd like some advice. What
am I to do with Harry? The young
rascal exceeds his allowance every
month. Cousin Dick-Increase it.-Chi-
cago Journal.
She How is IT you were not at West
ends reception? Hell stayed away
on account ofta personal matter. She
May ask what it was? He-Will you
promise to keep 1t secret? She Yes.
He-Well they failed to send me an in
vitation.-C Golfers Weekly.
Mrs. BetterhawseI am told that you
allow your husband to carry latch
key. Mrs. Graymair- but 1t does
not At the door. just let him carry
It to humor him. He likes to show 1t
to his friends and make them think he
Is independent Cincinnati Enquirer.
Mosher-What are you doing with all
those bits of card In your pocket7 Wis
well-They are seat checks at different
theaters. 1t says on each. Retain this
check" It's an awful bore, to be OBJ
liged to carry so much pasteboard
around. But, then, what's fellow to
do?
Lady (tn employment office = AS
there Is only my husband and myself in
the family, think you ought to be will
Ing to come for less than you ask.
There are only two persons to cook for.
Domestic-But mum. when I'm wild
you there'll be three.
"Habberjohn doesn't seem to have a
very lovable nature" well, no. II
Habberjohn were at banquet and
some one should discover that there
were thirteen at the table all eyes
would instinctively turn toward Hab-