The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1898-09-20
DooLFY on ANARcHIsTs.

IL rum the chicago
"'Tis hazard bein' king these days"
said Mr.. Dooley., "Manny's tn man on
a throne wishes his father'd brought
him up a cooper, what with wages bein'
locked be parlymints an ragin' army
chists r-runnin' wild with dinnymite
bombs undher their arms an carvin'
knives in their pockets.
"Onaisy, as Hogan says, is tn head
that wears a crowen. They'se other
heads that're Onaisy, too, but We don't
hear iv thin. But a man grows up
in wan iv thin furrin' countries an he's
thrained FIR to be a king. Hivin may've
intinded him FIR dOOce or a jack at tn
most, but he has to follow tn same
line as his father. IT'S like pawn
brOkin' that way. Ye niVer heerd 1V a
pawnbroker's son doin' anything else.
WanSt a king, always a king. Other
mems sons may pack away a shirt in
a thrunk an go out into tn worruld,
brakin' a freight or ladin' 1ndyanny
that's headed FIR throne can't r-run
away. He's got to take tn job. If
he kicks they blindfOld him an back
him in. Whin he goes on watch he's
cinched. He can't ask FIR his time at
tn end iv tn week an lave. He pays
himsilf. He can't sthrike, because he'd
have to ordher out tn polls to subjoo
himsilf. He can't go to tn boss an
say: Me hours is too long an tn
wurruk is tajious. Give me me pay
check He has no boss. A man can't
be indipindint onless he has boss.
IT'S thrue. So he takes tn place, an
thu chances ARE he's tn biggest Oma-
dion in tn Wurruld, an knows no more
about r-runnin' a country thin know
about ladin' an orchesthry. An If he
does do anything he's crazy, an Whin
he dies his foreman says: Sure, it's
tn diVvle's own time 1 had Sav1n' that
basthoon firm desthroyin himsilf IL
it wasn't FIR me tn poor thing'd have
closed down the wurruks an gone to tn
1rNr1cr 100 A n
he's takin' tn air, p'raps, along comes
an Eyetalyan an says he: Ar-re ye a
king?' That's my name says his
majesty. Bother dead says tn Eye
talyan, an they'se a scramble, an an
other king goes over tn long r-road
Il don't know much about aarnyeh lists;
aefn boiismen mostly Mebbe that's be
cause polismen's tn nearest things 10
sometimes think know why they re army
chists somewhere an why they ain IN
happened wanst in me cousin Terence
fam ~. They was livin' down near H9-
houses, not Doherfy that ye know. tn
finer, a good man whin ne don d am az
name of Malachi DOherty that used to
keep five-day notices in ms th ~ Sao an
as iver shoed a horse an his wife was
q GOOD woman. too. though I niver took
Was an too handy THROWN things at We.
An he had a nice family GROWTH up, an
1 never lInowed people, thai; lived togettheesr r
more quite an amyable. Twas good, fr
to see thin, .settin' ar-roun tn Pa al y.
good woman mendin socks an Honoria
an tn kids r'rowlin' on tn fpre. .,.o4
But wan day it happened that that
whole family begun to rasp on wan an
other. HonOria'd set down at tn pianny
an tn oil man'd grOWl: FIR tn love Nv tn
saints close down that hurdy-gurdy an
lave a man to injye his headache An
the good woman scOlded Terence an tn,
kids pulled tn leg fr' m under tn stove, an
whin the big boy Mike come home IF m
Omaha he found none iv thin speaSin' to
tn others He cud do nawthin'. an he
sniffed tn air whin he come in an says
he: Terence, what's tn matter with yer
catch basin?' 4 dinnaw,' -growled Ter
on ye-er hat this minyit an go out FIR a
plumber he says. I'm not needed here
! he says. 'Yeer sowls ARE all fright he
SAYS. but ye'er systems ARE out OF ord
/ her. he says. Fetch in a plumber, he
saws. whilst I goes down to Doherty an
make him think his lease on tn hereafter
''Ye-er Fright said Mr.. Hennessy, who
had followed the argument dimly.
s'Iv coorse I'm fright" said Mr.. Dooley.
What they need over there in furrin'
countries is not a priest, but a plumb Der.
[ 'Tfs no good prayin' agin arnychists, Hin
viSxy ArnVcbiStS sewer gas