The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1898-10-21

It was always the hardest thing in the
world for me to do to wake up early.
| Eight consecutive mornings did try to
| get up at O'Clock in order to reach a GER
| tain train that should take me to Phila-
delphia, where business awaited my pres
| ence. The earlier I went to bed the later
slept, and began to feel demoralized
myself. At all events, I felt ashamed Of
| myself
consulted with and opened my heart to
friend of the name of Snapper. He is
a sympathizing cuss, especially where it
costs him nothing Snapper suggested
| that buy an alarm clock to assist my
| lack of animal yeast.
took Snapper's advice and bought one.
| The man who sold it gave me lessons in
operating it without extra charge. I could
| see through it like hole in a board fence.
| All you had to do was simply to whirl a
| little wheel-a-ma-gig around until GER
tain figure pointed to the hour on the dial,
| the one which you wished to be bounced
out at, and everything was serene.
I bought that clock in the evening, IN
beknOwn to my family, and, thinking 1
had a sweet, sure thing on being awak-
ened at the proper hour, I fingered with
some friends in front of a julep reservoir.
| So it was past 10 when I got home, and
everybody was asleep
My angelic mother-in-law had escaped
the perils of smallpox, cholera, etc., and
had arrived that day to stay with us ''for
! few days" Heaven, what a number of
days it takes to constitute ''few'' with
that mother-in-lawl
Well, her long journey had tired her out,
/ and she, too, had gone to bed. Entering
| softly, deposited my clock on the table
! that stood at the head of our bed Then
''set her," after which I carefully placed
myself horizontally in my little bed, max
ing no disturbance, for I dislike lectures,
! and was soon lost to everything in the
shape of fear or anxiety.
What blessed thing sleep is, especially
when you are not afraid and know you
are all right about getting up 1t will be
observed that I pause to moralize.
Well, had really got sleep on the brain.
I was tinctured with it clear through.
But there is not the slightest use of moral
izing or describing any further, and will
come to the point at once.
In the dead watch and middle of the
night was rudely awakened by a fierce
and agOnizing yell from the paVsner of my
bed. Not only that, but had the breath
nearly knocked out of my body by the
said partner throwing herself upon me in
her frantic endeavors to get out of that
bed. I felt something was loose.
AS soon as my senses were revived L
heard the fearfulest rattle-to- bang din get
te-dong -sputter- tie click VIII IT, t pop
mingled with the wild shouts and groans
of my wife. I was entirely COMPOUNDED
myself. She yelled ''Murderl Thieves
Policer' and, with lettering steps, she
made for the adjoining bedroom, where
her mother was. I followed in terror my
self, for yet had not sufficiently come
to my senses to know what the deuce it
was all about anyhow.
That mOther-in law leaped from her
dreams, from her bed, and, seeing me
trem blingly trying to quiet her daughter,
she at once concluded that was trying to
murder her and came for me tooth and
nail. Then 1 shouted; then we all shouted,
and the uproar was heard in the street,
and murder was thought to be doing.
Still that awful racket was kept up in
my bedroom. The truth flashed over my
mind. Ind made mistake in setting
my alarm clock, and it had ''gone of. - I
rushed wildly for it. I placed it between
the feather bed and the mattress, but still
it kept on with its devilish racket. The
women also kept up theirs. I seized that
clock and rushed to the bathroom, and
there let a flood of water upon it in the
hope of silencing it, but all to no purpose.
While this confusion was going on with
in the police had raped for assistance and
had gained admittance to the house. They
rushed up to our sleeping apartments and
burst in the door.
what's up? What's the row? Where
is hep said one of them.
My mOther-in-law pointed them to the
bathroom, where was trying to drown
that COMPOUNDED clock in a tub of water.
The officers drew their clubs and pistols
and charged upon ne. I mounted the
tub and pointed to that clock, which was
still dinging away 1fke netting possessed
of the devil
''What is the meaning of all this row?''
I attempted to explain, but the voice of
my mother-in-law was heard above all
words of mine.
Take him away, officers. He has been
trying to murder US both. Take him
away"
In the meantime my wife had swooned.
One of the officers went for that clock
with his club. He smashed it across the
snoot He welted it in the face. He dis
located its lower jaw. He crippled its
hands. He knocked it out of time, but
still it ratified away, and it was not until
he had driven his No. IL boot in among
its liver and things that it finally caved in
and concluded to stop.
Silence being partially restored, ex-
planned to the officers how the whole rum
pus was occasioned, and so far as they
were concerned, they were inclined to
laugh at the whole affair and leave US
alone but my frightened mother-in-law
protested that had an undoubted attack
of the jimjams, as 1 had been drinking,
she said, and nothing short of my going
to the station house would satisfy her.
/ Sweet angel of my household
I dressed and went with Them took
/ the remains of that alarm clock with me,
and after explaining to the captain all
about it all hands joined in hearty laugh
and passed the remainder of the night
quite pleasantly with pack of cards and
a bottle of wine, but no more alarm clocks
| for me-not any.-New York News.
Wet and Dry.