Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-04

kntW sHe was tedIcnluk LUZ boiicthihB.
whats In that little room? she sud-
denly demanded, In q most peremptory
way.
"The towels and. the blacking-brush,
and the letter press" / TREMENDOUSLY re-
sponded.
Let me see, SIR" she said in her I'm
perious way. and with that she whiskei
her bombazIne personality by me In the
twinkling OF an eye and made an inven-
tory of the room.
Darkness there. and nothing more. She
was astounded and fighting mad. I would
have known IL had l been blind. She
wheezed ferociousy. Her optical organs
looked like the sparks at the touchhole
OF muzzle-loading cannon. l expected
an explosion every second and wondered
about my debris.
WHERE IS SHE? she suddenly de-
manded in capital letters. Just let me
get my hands on her.
'Who?" i whispered in awed tones.
Don't come 'Whoing me-" she scream
ed. where is she, l say. Let me get my
hands on her. I'll fix you later"
At first l thought she might be talk
ing about our office cat. but as that crea-
ture Is thorough gentleman, and
fondly called, "Tom," pretty soon knew
she was after something else.
9''Where is she?" repeated the awful
voice again. BE quick; I'm not going
to stand any more foolishness. Let me
see her face"
Dear" whined, II didn't know It be-
fore, but I believe / have been drinking.
There isn't any she anywhere about
here except yoI; l don't know what
you're talking about"
THAT typewriter woman" she burst
forth; that typewriter that can go any
gait but means we'll. Show her TO me.
Now, you are a pretty thing to come
telling me TO save pie and cabbage for
your supper when you are down here
And you didn't want the children TO come
Fostering around you. L never heard
such impudence in my life"
And then II all dawned upon me. The
mists melted away and breathed sigh
OF unspeakable relief She had mistaken
my illusions to the typewriter for re-
ferences TO a typewritist, and because |
had indiscreetly used the pronoun she,
the worthy woman had gotten all mix
ed up.
In dulcet, meek tones 1 forgivingly ex-
planned the situation to her, and meta
phorlcally speaking, patted her on the
back. She was as suspicious as wild
turkey-gobbler for some time, but hnaily
l brought out the machine and showed it
to her. ! even got her to pick at 1t and
TO say that the linking ribbon-a brilliant
purple-would be becoming to her hair.
you've saved your life this time" she
said. most amiably, "but If you hadn't
shown me how little you know about this
machine / would have had you up or a
charge OF drunkenness, and nothing could
have saved you. You HAVE been drink
ink anyhow, haven't You?" she suddenly
n i
dram"
ITS the Worcestershire sauce from the
restaurant, 81 explained, and she grunted
her satisfaction at this reply.
We'll" she said de1nltively, you've
spoiled my whole evening for me. Come
up soon as you can tonight. I've got
that pie and cabbage for you"
And with that she departed, sweeping
from the office with her train three ven
cradle cgar-stumps and leaving behind
her a dark-brown odor OF musk.
1 now write with pen and ink.
poor fellow, Heaven knows 1 pity
him" These were the words 1 uttered
as took the most comfortable chair
in the rosIn and seated myself at the
most desirable place in front Of the nre'
who's dead?" queried the Commander
in-Chief.
Nobody in particular, that l know
Of" was my reply, land that's tns
whole trouble. Death is the only thing
that can relieve him. a chance to kick
the bucket would be boon to him"
"stop that plague-take-it fooishness'
and tell me what you are taking
about" snapped out the good woman.
1 had been trying to lead her up to Just
this sort Of a query, and now that she
had walked into the trap laid for her,
chucklingly replied: my remarks are
on the subject of that poor devil Oh a
Mormon who has just been elected TO
Congress. He's got three wives to Wnom
he was legally harnessed ana one
extra" who keeps a reserve stock or
bulldozing on hand for occasions when
the trio have had colds and can't
take care Of themselves How that man
bears up is more than | can see.
well" retorted my disputatious con-
sort, ''he may have three wives ana
one extra for good measure, but III Det
my life he always manages TO Keep theni
stirring around and waiting on MN. It's
had enough for man 10 make one
woman miserable, but when 1t comes to
four. l think it's an imposition on the
public That fellow ought to be
drowned"
oThe other members of Congress, IN
stead of sympathizing with this MI. Brig
ham Roberts as they ought 10, are try
ing TO make It very disagreeable for
him" / ventured. "They say he shan't
have his seat In the House Of Represen-
tatives. The truth Of the matter Is, they
fear he will set precedent for polygamy
I'm washington, and that they VIII be
compelled TO marry all the old maids
and waste material in their districts. No
wonder they've got their backs up. us
enough to give them the shiyers.'
yes" she snorted, IF ali those mem
hers Of Congress did have five or six
wives apiece to manage them, | reckon
they'd behave themselves a heap better
in Washington. It's a pity-if wives are
such bulldozers-that all the married wo-
men in the country couldn't so right to
hat town and run the whole business.
haven't a doubt this Mr.. Roberts Is just
like all the rest Of you-he needs watch
ing | can bet on that. l suppose he Will
Leave his three-wiyes at home; that's the
way YOU all generally do when.you go out
OF town."
.Tf he were to bring them on" j re-
nlied '.he would be arrested for bigamy
And even II he e1caped that he would be
coronelled to go into bankruptcy after
tbev had spent one day in the Washing