Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1898-11-17
PLAYED A WAR GAME.
HOW THE BIG MAN FLEECED THE
SUBSTITUTE BROKERS.

The Tricky Six Footer Worked His
Physical Defect to the Limit aud
Renped n Rich Harvest While the
Opportunity Lasted.
During the civil war in what was
then pretty village of Michigan and
has since become city without losing
any of its beauty lived strapping six
footer who looked as hard as nails,
! dressed well, talked smoothly and was
set up like soldier. He had no means
of support visible to the naked eye in
the village which he called home, bet
he would make occasional trips from
which he returned with plenty of
money and fund of interesting talk
about some section of the north The
people thought him mystery. but he
was pleasant one, and curiosity never
went further than to ask ingenious ques,
tions that Were just as ingeniously par
ried After his harvest was at an end
the mystery explained himself without
reserve, and no one expressed serious
disapproval Of the way in which his
wits had won him his money.
cit was simple case of diamond cut
diamond" he laughed. "I've been TAX
! ing fleeces from the fellow that went
out to shear. I'm not an Apollo Belve-
| dere, Diomedes or Samson in appear
! ance, but l pass in crowd as fine
specimen of physical development The
truth is that I'm whited sepulcher.
was born with defective heart and
would not take three minutes of real
! violent exercise for all the money you
I could load on freight train take
things easy all along the line, and the
engine keeps pumping up TO require
ments.
"When could see the end of what
property was left me, and it was not far
away, cast about for some light work
! TO do and concluded to deal with the
substitute brokers. There was no chance
| Of meeting the required medical exam
! nations, so took another tack. When
ever visited place in my business,
I'd manage incidentally to fall in with
| the broker. I'm better than a raw hand
as jollier, and I'd soon have some
! mutual friends as innocent parties in
the play.
"When it came in naturally, I'd
| chaff the broker about his business and
! ask what kind of a soldier I'd make.
He would either jump open mouthed at
the proposition or ohaff back under an
| impression that would never think OF
| going to war. In either case it would
usually come to some kind of a PROPOSE
k,o,, IL 81 al,
fellows would guy me, intimate that
/ was buffer and wonder how was to
/ get out Of the thing without clear
funk.
"Here's where my fine work came in.
| I'd demand retainer, and I'd put it
| high enough just to mako the broker
think that was trying to escape him.
II he would pay me a specified sum
| down, would agree to appear at the
recruiting Office the next day and offer
my services, but gave notice that
assumed no chances. If they would not
| have me, the broker must stand the
loss. The idea Of my being rejected al
! ways raised laugh and only tended to
/ confirm the broker in the belief that
was trying to escape him. When the
! doctor turned me down, went into the
dumps, became nervously timid, aroused
| the sympathy of those with whom | had
become acquainted and snapped an or.
! der to the disgruntled broker to keep
clear away from me.
| "The best haul ! made was in Pitts.
burg. A coal baron there who could net
/ well enlist and who had not been draft
ed wanted representative in the army
who would make name honorable to
that CT the principal. He was after a
big, handsome, intelligent fellow of
whom he could be proud and put the
whole matter into the hands of shrewd
! little broker. ! managed to meet him
at the Monongahela House, and work
ed around to the main subject in the
manner | have described, but / could
see that he was sharp and did not like
to run any chances.
"While he went to dinner, after
which we were to resume our talk,
went out and had short conference
with huge truckman. When again
met the broker. that truckman insisted
on bothering us and, after showing a
proper amount of patience, threw him
half way across the Office, and he went
limping out, while all observers grew
wide eyed in their wonder. l did not
exert enough strength to throw half
grown boy five feet, but the truckman
knew his business, and was paid $40 for
attending to it.
THAT apparently cool courage and
gigantic strength removed all doubt
from the mind of the broker. l was the
man he wanted, and he wanted me
badly. stuck out till got so, 600 az
retainer, and then was rejected. !
felt like giving the money back when
| the millionaire came around to condole
with me and tell how disappointed he
was in not having me for a substitute,
but didn't. 1t would have been an adj
mission that l was not in legitimate
line of business. detroit Free Press
The Sequel to the Joke.
Many years ago visitor to Edin.