Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1898-01-22
The Obseaufous Waiter

Perhaps the least liked type Of the Wash
ington waiter-the waiter in the hotel din
Ing room or the cafe where men and
women assemble as much from gregarious-
ness as from hunger or thirstls the OBJ
sequious waiter. The obsequious Washing
ton waiter is a nuisance so frequent and
unforgivable that II Is a wonder he was
not long ago damned into the realm Of
things that were. But he makes SO COM
plete hit with himself that there seems
little possibility Of his effacement OF
course, his service is supremacy excellent.
Therein lies the trouble He converts YOU
into feeding Mogul and bows down and
Worships you-with mortal eye of course
to that moment when, after the demi-tasse
you call for your hat and stick. 1t ia quite
self before you.
The worst Of it is. he hovers so near to
you that 1t might be fancied he was a
huge huinminG bird, and you find 1t out of
picture the expression of grief on his coun-
tenance should You cay anything SO cruel
to him. He watches you eat-watcbes
every mouthful-and. though his aspect is
feel that he is mentally comparing your
table manners, your SAVIOR faire with that
OF the bearded young legation attache you
saw go out as you came in.
You make q trif1ing slip with your fork
and slightly soil the spotless tabIecloth-
and you tnvoluntarily glance up to ascer-
tan II your humming-brd waiter has cb-
served you-though you know he has. You
evfnce a momentary hesitancy as to how
to handle your celery-and you feel that
your obseauious waiter inter DIS to make a
psychological moment of your decision. He
watches your disposition of the contents OF
each plate like hawk, in order 10 pounce
upon the table to remove the emptied dish
He asks you II the steak is tender enough
with his head so close to your ear that you
feel his breath upon your face. All the
m Iyayl
this fellow is blasted nuisance, and /
would he were 800 miles the other side of
Jericho-but he must, Of course. be heavily
tipped. You feel that you could not mus
ter up courage to reach the door in safety.
when the tremendous moment of your de-
parture arrived. did you not hand your OBJ
sequious waiter tip three times the size
OF any tip you ever gave before in your
life. And even after you have given him
this tip Of unusual size. he receives It with
look into his palm SO dubious that YOU
feel that, on the whole. there must be
something small and stingy in your nature
There Is urgent need for the suppression OF
the obseQuious waiter by strong, husky
men.
Wants to BE Friendly
And then. the confidential waiter. He
ornaments with his presence less eilded
and less arpet-muffied institutions but he
abides, IN all his bland garrulousfiess. In
pretty pretentious places. for all that
After You have been at one Of these places
half dozen times or so. seating yourself
on each occasion at the confidential wait
ers table, he begins to know you pretty
well, and he begins to take a very great
interest in you-not in the manner of the
obsequSous waiter, but from a purely per-
sonal standpoint. He extends to you not
only the salutation OF the day, but he re-
marks upon the weather, and ielis you that
You don't look very well around the eyes,
ke-ind O. spepsuh, sub. All reckon"
OF course you feel that common courtesy
exacts IT Of you that you answer your con-
fidentfal waiter civilly, and because of this
your confidential waiter drifts into the
queer belief that you want to be chummy
and talkative with him.
Stunt My an a-havin' uh queeah oil time
down in Cuba, sub, u-m-h. Ahnt theh
subj
You reply to the extent OF ten or fifteen
words, smilingly, and then cast your eyes
upon your Ger somme with an effectiveness
that Is meant to mean that for the present
you are engaged In other lines Of thought
But this doesn't serve. Your confidential
waiter, who reads the papers. IL consumed
with the notion that you are fairly suffering
to engage In conversation with him. He
gazes at you awhile. beamingIy and then:
Times picl1n' up much. sub, In youah
hne?"
Well. you feel compelled to heave your
confidential waiter a line or two on this
subject. for you can't be choppy and
brusque to a man that II assisting to feed
you. And thus. by the exercise OF COM
mon good nature. yoc plunge yourself into