, 1898-12-09
The eay fool-killer now may shiri

tdsi .OH, / III 80 Sldus IlS-1Oh Ou5ht
70 be.-Cineinnati Enquirer.
Moss-What do you think would be
the greatest evil of another civil war?
Foss-The plays that would come after
lt.-Life.
''Those people next door are still In
their honeymoon" "Do you think SOP
yes, he goes shopping with her.
Chicago Record.
Here is a joke about an electric
shock" said the humorist. Put 1t I'M
der the head of Current Fun" re-
piled the editer.-Life.
Reporter-Wi1l you be a member of
the cabinet? Great Statesman-Um!
This weather certainly is very remark
able.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Fair Poetess-Won't you please print
my poem? Conciliatory Editor-I can't,
really; but l should like TO print your
nlcture.-Someryille Journal.
"Brownjones Is. the hardest man TO
take In shorthand. that l ever strucL
Does he talk so fast as that?" NO
30 COMPOUNDED slow."-New York Sun.
Frizby-Is it not much more expens-
I've cruising in a yacht than travelling
On the cars? Vanwart-The reverse.
There are no porters on yachts.-Indge.
The way my ~neighbor's daughter sings
Would make one tear his hair
Yet | suppose she has the right
Because she rents the air.
Judge.
"Were those cough-drops benefcial?"
eThey worked like a charm. They
have such a horrible taste that the chill
dren have all stopped coughing."-Chi-
Gag Record.
"Do you know your n~eighbors, the
Lfppertons? ' mo, we don't know
them at all; they merely used to lend
us their lawn mower last summer
Chicago Record.
Scientists say that the secret of all
fife is vibration" Pooh! I've had
lots Of people give me the shake, but
there wasn't anything secret about it"
Chicago Record.
81 like TO cook enough to last" re
marked the young bride. you do, you
do,' groaned the devoted hubby, mo
matter how little you cook."-Cleye-
and P~laindealer.
81 thought perhaps you would give
me a lift, sir" he said as he entered the
office. you will find the elevator in
he front of the building" replied the
oookkeeper.-Judge.
Suitor-I called this evening, Miss
Shock, to ask you to be my wife. Miss
~shSek-fnDuS-say, my friend,
hal you have made a mistake in your
calling.-Richmond Dispatch.
For college honors he had scorched
And on the gridiron roasted,
! And though his comrades said 'weD
DONE"
At banquet he was toasted.
Boston Courier.
She-Oh, yes! The predictions are
in. this column headed Weather Prob
a%bilities,"' He-That's right. If they
called 1t weather Possibilities" it
wouldn't be so b~ad.-Puck.
May think Rates refusal will
have a good effect on Charley. Maude
4 hope so, but he's so frightfully slow!
May know, but he told me it had
cut him to the quick.-New York
Press.
May Begay-And if you think the
other party Is bluffing, of course you
bet higher? Jack Potts-Well, that Is
the usual course, but I've found that
that is generally a good time to drop
o~ut.-Puck.
Fuddy-Yes, l know; but has Plod-
der really written anything of value?
Duddy-Of value? Decidedly yes. He
showed me one article alone on which
be had spent at least So in postage
Boston Transcript.
'Oh," she moaned, ito think that I
should have come to this!' But there
a no help for it. Her companion,
who had brought her there, had a
friend In the oratorial contest, and he
was near the last of the list.-Indianap-
oils Journal.
Landlady-Then you would like to be
called at eight, sir? New Ledger with
retiring alloWance)-Well, no; not e4-
actly called, don't you know. But the
girl might mention the time, then.
quietly-very quietly, in case should
be asleep.-Fun.
Charitable Old Lady Ito little beggar-
girD-There's some bread for you. It's
a day or two old, but you can tell your
mother to take three or four fresh eggs,
a quart Of milk, a cup of sugar, some
good butter, and half a grated nutmeg,
and she can make a very excellent pud-
ding of it-Dublin Times.
"Yes," said the retired army officer,
"I can recall two occasions when l was
terribly frightened" "Oh," exclaimed
the romantic young lady, "do tell me
about them. l suppose 1t happened
when you were fighting the Indians"
mo" he replied; zone time was when