The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-01
500 JOHNSON.
Aikali Ike's Story About Man who Made
Money Out of His Misfortune.

Aikah iko's story About Man Who MADE
Money Out of His Misfortune.
Which reminds me-" began Alkali
Ike in reminiscent way, In response
to the remark of the high-browed tour
list that riches are often attained in
strange ways "of the case OF Sog john
son, who eloped from our midst some
years ago on the top side of splintefy
rail, an tharby acquired a fortune.
This we're Johnson, although I'm
ably assistin' in maxim a plutocrat of
him. is gent that l don't have no
speshul acquaintance with prior to the
events leadin' up to his departure.
disrecall when he makes his debut In
the settlement; the first l remember Of
bein' aware of him is soon after he
announces that he is sick. forgit
what particular brand of malady he
lays claim to. but anyhow he gives 1t
out that he's afflicted heap an takes
to his bed at the beginnin' of cold
! weather an lays thar all Winter, re-
ceivin' the pityin' attention an spoon
vittles OF the sympathetic citizens
plumb till Spring. In short, we treats
him as we'll as II he had murdered
four wives.
We never suspects him, an likely
he'd a-been thar yet an us still pa
tiently waitin' on him, If it hadn't been
that finally a doctor shows up in the
settlement, an we drags him over to
look at poor Sog. The medicine man
regards him critical, an comes away
an informs us that thar haint nuthin'
the matter with him but low-down dog
lazlness.
"Accordin', we drug him out of bed,
inserted him into his clothes, an fired
him forth. Next mornin' he came
back, earn an unrufIled. We run him
out agin. Next day he was back with
a scheme to marry middlin' wealthy
widow an be self-supportin' by Twin
on her money. He was fired agin, an
once more he came back.
1--WE might not be warranted in
lynchin' him for lyin' abed all Winter,
but we could punish him for comm
back when he had been run out. Ac-
cordin', we furnished him with an
overcoat of tar, trimmed with hen
feathers, and buttoned on with
broom. We done the. job we'll, made
regular function of it, in fact; placed
him in an appropriate attitude on a
saw-edged rail, packed him about a
mile opt of the settlement, an set him
to runnin' in a northeasterly direc-
ton.
I'VE estimated that we'd seen the
last Of him when his ultimate tail
feather fluttered out of sight over the
top of the slope, but next day it was re-
ported that he had been considerably
shot by a near-sighted sportsman from
the East, who had mistaken him for a
cassowary.
II hain't KNOWN nuthin' more of
Sog Johnson till about six months later,
when me an Lop-eared Watkins. sorter
drops into dime museum up in Kan
sas City, an sees him perched up on
a roost with sign over him describin'
him as The Human Shantycleer, Half
Gent an Half Shanghai We don't
know him, an Jest stands an gazes at
the repulsive sight, plenty interested.
He is feathered out in good shape, an
has on tin bill painted up mighty
artistic an lifelike. -
when the crowd thins out he hops
down from his perch, pulls off his bill
an tells us how it happened. 1t seemed
that about week after he left the
settlement for good an had run till he
dropped, he was picked up by gent,
who, recognizin' his possibilities, pour
ed oil an wine down his neck, an made
a plot with him.
"He had been travellin' around from
city to city ever since, exhibitin' him
self, under the management Of his cap
tor, an jest nacherly rollin' in wealth
His manager also acted as his shappy-
roam, as you call it in the East, an
tar-an' -feathered him agin whenever
he needed it, an otherwise looked after
his interests.
ME an Lop-eared came away direct
ly, an l hain't never seen feather of
Sog Johnson since, but reckon likely
he is still goin' up an down the earth
maxim money out of his calamity"