Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-10-09

ans'ous TO again relinia:sh her freedom
and her power without a strugv,e she "a
capable OF making a half DOZEN mon
simultaneously conscious that each "a the
favored one"
And continuing his defence of v,aoxrs
.ne northern editor. who IL a sapient in.
uINiouai with the benefits of long experi.
enoe. says: eNpe''
charming as the Georgia spinster in. II
p'ain uiat.unless she ignores the Con-
sNNuuoh cine newspaper giving the sta
tisucsl, "and takes into considera,,on thu
irresistible force OF the Georgia widow az
matrimonial factor, she will come 10
grlei with too positive a declaration of
independence. and die an old maid"
An old and trusted friend, who has read
my views as written above, says that the
state OF Virginia will be too warm for me
a4ter the appearance of this essay. But
! proudly tell him there are no spinsters
III virginia. Here the unmarried ladies
are all under so.
a man doesn't become a matrimonial
graduate in day. He may rock a
cradle six nights out of seven. and even
learn TO administer mutton suet to his
cronpy offspring but these accomplish
Wehts alone do not entitle him 10 a diplo-
ma Nor does knowledge of feminine
apparOi and an ability to discriminate
between an overskirt and an underskirt
ehttie MIN TO the proper credentials He
must Know and experience even more.
Not until he has hung pictures for his
wfe can he feel that he has crossed the
merry sands and earned the well-deseryed
laurels which are said TO come to the lot
Oh outlIui husbands Hanging pictures
vi L..
easy until you try it. and when you finally
make the effort, somebody is mighty ant
TO get hurt; and the chances are that you
Will be the injured Individual. When you
enter room and see the chromos flaunt-
ing their sandy colors from the walls, you
think II was but the work of n minute
10 arrange them In the order In which
they present themselves TO your eye
That is because you never tried to do the
thing yourself. II you had you wouldn't
stop to think about the artistic effects;
you would merely spend all your time
sympathizing with the man who accom-
plished the feat.
When your wife gets the house-cleaning
mania on her, you either go off and COM
init suicide at once-a most advisable
thing TO door you take it into your head
that you yourself would like 10 do some
good, hard work. which requires muscle
and strength. When you tender her
your servces-you never do 1t bat once,
by the way-she will decline your offer
TO lay the carpets and pull up the tacks,
but request you to hang the pictures AZ
hrst you think you are not 'toting fair
with her-that you're not doing y>Ur
share of the drudgery. but later on you
change your opinion.
When you start on the Job you are sur
prised to find that the good woman keeps
the step-ladder in the third story. whereas
the pictures are TO be hung on the ground
floor. And then again, when you go up
TO the third story you are still more
amazed TO find how much a step-ladder
weighs, and how unmanageable and OBJ
streperous the cuss-take-it thing can be.
By the time you get 1t down stairs you
conclude that IL will be absurd to attempt
further operations until you remove your
coat and your cuffs and your collar and
your cravat and your vest, and roll up
your pants and your shirt sleeves.
Then, just as you start In TO work, you
remember that it is necessary to have a
hammer In hanging pictures. The ham,
mer is in the packing-room, and investi
cation proves that the lady of the house
has hidden 1t under three feather mat
You burrow among these dusty relics
and finally draw forth a coveted imple
ment. NOW for business" you say, but
on reaching the august presence of the
presiding female, you are astonished to
hear her ask, Where are the nails?"
And then you remember that nails are
also necessary In the hanging Of pictures.
These articles, along with a screw
driver, several curtain hooks, a file, and
an iron icepick, are kept in a small wood
en- box in the pantry, and this wooden
box has, somehow or other, come into
too close contact with the lard barrel But
you get the nails, and also much Of the |
lard. By this time you remark how hot |
the weather is, considering the season of |
the year. Your only consolation is that |
now YOU can jump right into the midst |
of your duties and show your wife the |
superb superiority of your sex
The first thing to do is to decide where |
Picture No. is to be hung. Your wife |
puts her head on one side like an owl, |
squints through one eye, and then points
to the space over the china press Re-
moving a hair pin from her mouth and
smackng at one of the children for kick
ing the baby, she says: Suppose you
start here"
fAll right" you say, but when you
make the start you find it is all wrong
Your first duty is to steer the step-ladder
under the chandelier and between the tea
table full of after-dinner coffee cups and
the Chinese vase on the most exposed
corner Of the mantelpiece. To do this sue
cessfully is alone worth a celestial crown
Next, the ladder is to be put in place
so that il will not strike the china press
but will, nevertheless, allow you to stand
on the top piece and swing the hammer
You are surprised TO find how hot and
dusty a ceiling can be and still more
astonished to learn how difficult it Is to
make measurements with the naked eye
on that portion of the wall to which the
picture is assigned.
At last, with a mighty falling Of plas-
tering you drive in the nail and your
wife. after censuring you for mutilating
The paper, hands UP the picture TO you.
Joyously you hang 1t, but 10, the wire Is
so long that the picture drags the floor.
"Take IL off and fix the string" sug-
tests the feminine supervisor and to do
his YOU have TO climb down the ladder
AZ imminent risk Of being hurled into
eternity Good, you've got 1t all hunkey
now. and up the ladder you Climb as
cheerful a monkey as ever skinned up a
isaereeable altitude. Triumphantly
you hang the chrome again. This time
I Is only four inches from the ceiling
and looks like one pea in bowl or soup.
Now. you're mad and blame your wife
or i. And she is very impatient about
yora lack of judgment too. You both