The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1898-01-05
SOLDIERS BUDGET.
Got His Discharge.

The medical department is regarded
as fair game by the enlisted man 10 the
army as we'll as in the navy. In both
services there Is fixed penalty for the
military crime OF malignering-a word,
by the way, that is now conversation
ally obsolete in the services and hardly
ever employed except in written Off.
cial eports-'beatiDg the sick list"
being the modern fashion OF referring,
by both officers and men, TO the crafty
work of the malignerer. 1t is not often
that the malignerer 10 brought to boot,
however, owing 10 the extreme diff
Guilty usually encountered by the sur
geons in proving an absolutely clear
case against him. To establish case
against malignerer is generally job
OF such proportions that few military
surgeons have the heart to attempt il.
1t is not alone for the purpose of es-
Gaping duty that the enlisted men OF
the two services epdeavor TO deceive
the medical departments. They quite
often attempt to get out OF the service
upon the surgeons recommendation.
The feignipg Of insanity has often
been successful in recent years in cases
of men who wanted to doff their uni
forms without deserving or buying their
discharges. There was an eXtraordi-
nary CAGE Of this sort at one of the
western recruiting stations in 1891. In
large batch of recruits that arrived
one morning at the station was well
educated, clipper built young chap
from Cincinnati He was in appear
ance and manner so far and away
ahead of the other fellows in the batch
that he caught the eyes of the company
captains at once, and each of them
wanted TO get the promising looking
recruit into his company. The captain
of the company to which the recruit
was assigned called the young fellow
into his orderly room at once and made
good deal of him.
On the same afternoon this recruit
from Cincinnati was reported missing
from his company roll call. The cap
tain instructed the first sergeant to in
stitute search for the man. Several
men were detailed for the work of hunt.
ing him up, and hey searched the
whole post high and low without find
ing him. Then the guard was notified
of the recruits absence, and the SER
geant of the guard was directed TO find
him and put him under arrest. A cor
poral and several sentries prowled
about the garrison for an hour without
discovering q sign of the missing re-
crult. While the corporal and senires
were still out on their vain search the
bell of the guard-house telephone rang
furiously. The telephone communicate
ed with the commanding officers quar-
tiers alone, and the commanding officer
was at his end in force.
els that you, sergeant of the guard?"
he il quired. "Well, come over here
instantly:with about twenty files of the
guard and have 'em load their guns
with ball. There's id raving luna
tic of a recruit taken possession of my
quarters. Come in hurry"
The commanding off ;er explained
afterward what had happened. On re-
turning from his Office to his quarters
he was surprised on approaching the
house to hear piano music, and remark
ably fine piano music at that, issuing
from his parlor. All the members Of
his family, including his daughters,
were away on visit to another post,
and he knew that his middle.aged SER
want was always visiting her cronies on
"Soapsuds Row" at that hour of the
afternoon. Moreover, none of his
daughters, and certainly not the SER
want, could produce such music. So
he did not know what to make of it.
He walked up the steps and through
the wide open doorway in hurry, the
music still continuing. When he en-.
tered the parlor, he saw good. looking
soldier seated at the piano, playing
Chopin nocturne with great feeling.
What the dev"- the commanding
officer started to exclaim.
"Just a minute, Willie," said the
soldier, turning to the commanding Of
fcer with beatific smile and going on
with his playing. Don't interrupt
me until finish this grazioso move
ment; then I'll be at your service, me
man-ah" And he finished his per-
formance with mellow chord and
wheeled around on the stool to face
the commanding officer, who was on
the verge of apOplexy.
"Confound you, what's the mean
ing of all this blankety blank y
"Softly, softly, me man." said the
good-looking soldier with appraised
hand and sudden look of seriousness
on his countenance. "You don't want
to find yourself in the guardhOuse, do
you? Well, iii have you here in just
three minutes if l hear any more of
such language. What the deuce do you
mean by forcing yourself into my quar-
tiers anyhow? I'll tell you what, Will
lie, the sooner you get it through your
head that I'm in command OF this gar
rison ~
The commanding officer had enough
strength left to reach the telephone in
the next room and ring up the guard
house. The recruit from Cincinnati
followed him into the room and stood
smiling while the commanding officer
talked over the wire.
"l'll turn the tables on you, Willie,
when the guard arrives" he said, and
then he walked over to the sideboard
and poured out two stiff drinks of
brandy from the decanter. "Mean-
time, Willie, you may drink my health
and my success as major genera com
manding the army of the United
States," and he was just handing the
commanding officer the glass when the
aarupapt apd eantripa pptarpd the room