davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
A Budget of Definitions.

Dude-Another name Tor a tailor's
goose.
Diary-A continued story that ends
before it's finished.
Hyphen.-The one plausible excuse
for breaking your word.
Nothing-A thing that isn't thing
because it's nothing.
Dollars-Stamped coins made to rep
resent financial circles.
Bachelor-A bird of freedom that
some of the Gagged ones envy.
Drill-A bore-especially to the Of
ficer who trains raw recruits.
Cigarette-A rank concoction with a
light on one end and nothing on the
other.
Scruple-One-third of drachm, al
though some men take a dram without
any scruples.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
Fools.

Fools.
We hear Of people every day
Who overstep the rules.
And, by their doings. show that the
are various kinds of fools.
The woman in flesh colored tights
Who dances. kicks and sings:
The man that on the frail trapeze
So perilously swings;
The brazen one who stands before
A multitude. and twists
A Shiny snake about her neck:
The tough with heavy fists,
Who meets another in the ring.
And pounds him till he dies:
The man that on a parachute
Drops from the starry skies
These and a hundred others we
Look at in speechless awe.
And then declare them all to be
The biggest fools we ever saw.
But, after all is said and done.
Is tie fool that thrills us SO
More foolish than the gaping one
Who pays to see the show?
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20

A Political Trip.
Should it be your one ambition to write
a humorous verse, pick out some
ancient subject and express In
language terse. The editor
may reject 1t, If the me-
ter's out of joint;
but If you fashion
1t like this.
he'll surely
see the
point.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
Good N ews.

No other Medicine was ever given such
a test as Ouo's Cure. Thousands % bot
Ties Of this great German remedy are oe.
in, distributed EaEE OF CHARGE, I" those
afl.cted with Consumption, Asthma,
Gro ~. severe Coughs. Pneumonia nni all
rhrmt aud Lnng diseases. giving the ~ o.
pie proof thu, Otro's Cure viii cure them
For sale only nv T. ]. Keeler, Laporie;
WI. Hoffman, ,Hillsgrove; rs Lancaster
Forksville; C. B. Jennings, Estella; Jno.
w. Buck, Sonestown. Samples free.
Large bottles 5Uc and Zoe.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
TnIes Out of the I,ouaIoir.

"I didn't want TO keep you waiting,
Mr.. Westend, SO came down Just as
was" said Miss Darlington, sweetly, as
she entered the parlor.
"Oh, what a whopper!" exclaimed
her small brother. "You know you on
ly had on
And then Tommy was violently hus-
tied out of the room.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
January 1893!
Will goods and Ladies' Coats and Capes
nearly half price, in fact, good many articles at
At Less Than Half Price.

Our stock is very large prices will be oljec We here
prices exactly intend to sell This is no out OF
fake but FACT nearly 4Oto 30 cent by buying
now: regular price $500 Mems ovecoats
Boys suits pieces at So TO- are really wo
so: Chens 81 90. worth than doute
Mems pants all different styles s00 are 81 90 ane
values: biz aIgan Mems undclFhits at less thar
aff price; socks for 25; heavy cotton seeks an m
largest shoes in This section at prices
m Ru ard shoes sell cheaper than any ohe
store in the county you such low prices in Ladies
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
Intensely Practical.

Harry Downtown Ito country sweetheart)
Miss Milkyweigh, do you play and sing
''When the Cows Are in the Corn?'
Miss Milkyweigh--Lord bless you, no.
get the dogs and chase 'em out.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
rscaped by a Hairs Erendth.

Dulby (would-he novulist) 1--WE just
finished new novel. If you have a
moment to spare I'll show you the
proofs" Wlloy-"Oh, never mind
about the proofs. I'll take your word
Tor it."-Chicago Record.
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
A Horrible Railroad Accie ent

is daily chronicle NJ ,ur pal err; also
the death of some dear friend. VINO had
died with Consumption, whereas, if he OF
she had taken O.tu's Cure for Throat and
Lung diseases in time. life would have
been rendered harpr and r,rhars saved
Heed the warning ltyou have II cougl
or any affection OF the Throat and Lun@s
Call on T J Keeler. Laporte; w. L
Hoffman, Hills ave; b. Lancaster
Forksville; G. b Jennings, Agt. Estella
.jno. W. Buck, Sonestown, and yet a
trial package free. Large size SOC and 25c
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
His Philosophy.

"And so, Pat, you think Dennis had
the wrong side of the argument? But
what reason have you to he so sure of
this?"
Faith, he hadn't another worrud to
say after OF hit him wild me hrst
brick"
Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1898-01-20
A Lapse.

Employment Ageut-"see here! How
is this? You stayed two weeks in your
last place. How did that happen?"
Domestic-"Sure. Oh dunno. Oi must
av overshlept meself."-New York
Weekly.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10
P0INTED PARAGRAPHS.

Clubs are always trumps In the hands
OF the police.
Nearly every woman has her ideal
either man, dog or wheel.
Man was made to mourn, but a Wild
over usually outlives 1t.
Two souls with but two different
thoughts may be won In time.
The highwayman holds up other peo-
pie in order to support himself.
The man who owns a monograph and
a parrot can get along without q wife.
Some of the revolutions brought about
by the bicycle are only somersaults.
A mans intentions may be good, but
the grocer often refuses to credit them.
Every time a girl falls in love she de-
clares all former attachments counter
feits.
A married mans idea OF heaven Is a
place where wives don't ask their hus-
bands for money.
Some people seem to live in the air
and every time they touch the earth
they get into trouble.
a cir! doesn't trouble herself very
much about n mans future If he comes
with a present or two.
The only period in a woman's life
when she gives any thought to dress is
between the cradle and the grave.
It Is said that every time a person
draws his breath somebody in the world
dies. But you shouldn't stop breathing
on that account.-Chicago Daily News.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

my tent I found the eomnander OF my
old forces, who had always been a brave
soldier, and had ever shown himself in
front OF his artiliey. EeSwas very visi-
bly, affected. and his face as pale as
death. General, said he. / have a m
3vor TO ask OF you. ! know that you Will
consider Il strange and peculiar, but
please let Il pass and grant 1t. I feel
that tomorrow I will be killed, as I ln-
derstand that we are to move upon the
enemy. You know my family and my
situation. Don't think me q coward. but
please hold my command back TO the
third line. i replied: 7 will do better.
! will hold your company in reserve,
In the morning. when daylight came,
the soldiers advanced upon the enemy's
position. only to fnd that they had fed
during the night Never did I see such,
a change come over q man ae struck my
visitor OF the night before. Where he
had always greeted me enthusiastically,
he now passed me by. and became NOR.
ose and respondent. In less than three
months he resigned Now, as to what
affected him, nobody ever will know,
but that he was afraid / have not the
slightest doubt"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

L
THERE Is more Catarrh In this sec
ton of the country than oil other dis
eases put together, and until the last
few years was supposed to be incurable.
For a great many years doctors pro-
nounced It a local disease. and pre-
scribed local remedies, and by CON
stantly falling to cure with local treat
ment, pronounced II incurable. Science
has proven catarrh to be q constitution
al disease, and therefore requires con-
stitutional treatment. Halls Catarrh
Cure. manufactured by F. J.. Cheney &
Co., Toledo. Ohio, Is the only constitu-
tional cure on the market. It is taken
internally in doses from ten drops to a
t%easpoonful. It acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces Of the system.
They offer one hundred dollars for n
case It falls to cure. Send for circulars
and testimonials. Address
F. J.CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold By Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10
PASSING pLEAsAsrRIRs,

NNH##mL MLHLH. IN
Two Sides.-'Yes, sir, Shallup Is not
only q newspaper man, but a gentie-
man" "Hc must lead q double life
Life.
Musical Terms.-"what Is an .encore7 -
ut Is the song the singer feels the worst
about II she isn't asked to sing it,
Chicago Record.
The Story He Told.-"Did you hear
that creepy story Mr.. Smith told?" 'tNo;
what was It about?" His six-months-
old baby."-Truth.
Reggy-"Aw-Miss Gwace, youah al-
ways In my mind. doncher know" Miss
Grace-"Goodness! that Is worse than
living In a fiat."-Tt-B Bits.
A Observation-Disclosures vos
yum Of der shmartest men I know"
Cohensteln-"Dot's 30! He vos der very
first man vot failed on account OF der
war sgare."-Puck.
Some men," said Uncle Eben, will
hab q heap ter say bout bein' 'sturbed
by a baby. But dey's puftickly silent
when It's a Welsh rabbit dat keeps 'em
wake."-Washington Star.
Floriculture.-"Henry, don't you feel
well enough to cut the grass this after
noon?" mo. dear: but II you say SO
I'll take n hoe and weed awhile among
the, flowers on your new spring hat
Chicago Record. -,
Dumley7-"How much do you ask for
that piece OF land?" Robinson-"I sell
It to you for q mere song" Dumley-
ITO the tune off," Roblnson-.FIve
thousand dollars" Dumley-"Oh! one
OF Mclba's songs."-Judge.
Then the Premier, Fainted.-Sagasta-
well your majesty. we have one hope
left. The rainy season IL about toibe-
gin in Cuba" The queen regent-'.Ah.
senior. it looks to me very much as II
the reigny eason was about to end
there."-Cleveland Leader.
What Converted Him.-Deacon Prim-
rose-"So Jonas Bigtalk has bin bap-
tized an jined de Baptist church? Why,
he used toe be m OBJ de biggest lnfidels
I ebah knew" Deacon Tulip-"Yais;
he wuz till he found out he had heart
disease."-Judgc.
An Apology.-Under the clrcum.
stances Of time and place. 1t being near
the end Of the century and in New York,
the editor could do nothing but offer an.
apology, which he did In these terms:
owing to a crush OF advertising, the
denial of much OF u most important
news Is crowded out this morning. 1t
will appear In the next Issue, without
~fail."-Puck.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

the following In poster type. '.The News
from Dewey the Greatest Journalistic
Feat OF the Generatipn-And the Jour
nal Did Il. Yellow sheet Nc. 2. under
similar headlines and conditions. pub
illshed the same morning. heraided the
following: mo News from Dewey, said
all the Other Paper. But there was
SNcws-rhe World Had IL. Now what
The reading public wants 70 know Ii
which a OF the yellow sheets Is doing
the lying. They cannot both be telling
the truth.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10
THE INTELLIGENCER.
MAYlo, lsos.
To Celebrate the Victory.

The meeting to be held at the Opera
House tonight 20 arrange for a ce!e-
brat!on Of the historic naval victory at
the Philippine Islands, will be a big
one. That goes without saying. There
Will doubtless be enthusiasm enough al
most to make the meeting a small sized
celebration in itself. But the intention
Is to have a time on Saturday night In
which the bottled up patriotic rejolcinGs
over the magnificent victory won by
Commodore Dewey and his splendid
crews may be given full vent by the en-
tire population.
The call is signed by our city officials
and a large number OF business men.
members OF the chamber OF commerce
md others, and all the mass meeting
has to do is to arrange and the people
will do the rest" Saturday night In
Wheeling will be a time for Old Glory,
patriotic songs, speeches. fire works and
general all around Americanism, such
as the old town has not witnessed in q
generation.
Let everybody get ready to unfurl the
national emblem and make the hills
about the Ohio valley ring with the
sound OF jubilee. 1t is wise to fix the
time for Saturday night, for It is a
holiday occasion with about everybody,
particularly the wage workers, and the
events OF the week are likely to add
still further to the cause for celebrat-
ing. Developments in the West In
dian waters, unless all signs fail, will
in all probability add fuel TO the fire OF
patriotic enthusiasm.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10
Thk Invasion Of cuh,.

The announcement that from 10000 to
$1,000 American troops will be landed on
Cuban soil at once foretells that the
contamination OF cuba's freedom IS but
a question OF a short time. It indicates
that the administration Is to push the
war 10 q conclusion and accomplish It's
purpose without unnecessary delay. and
that the final blow TO Spanish rule on
that stricken island. II not in the west
ern hemisphere, is 10 be effective enough
to change the map.
The President has ehown no weakness
OF policy at any point since the war be-
gan, and this decision TO act at a time
when the conditions are most favorable,
excepting, perhaps, as to climate. IS con-
slstent with every other movement that
has been made IN the great plan marked
out and inaugurated with the blockade
OF Cuban porte and the orders to Ad-
miral Dewey to proceed to the Philippine
ISLANDS and subject them.
It Is no small task to transport an
army OF $4,000 men to Cuba, equipped for
an aggressive land campaign. even
against the crippled force OF Spain now
there. Three hundred vessels will be
needed for the movement, but they will
be secured, and the army will be landed
Under the protection OF American guns
on the sea. Those who will go are sea-
eoned and selected for the peculiar ma
ture OF the campaign they will be COM
PEELED to undergo.
1t will not take long for such. an army
to carry out the work mapped out for 1t.
Every man Of them will be an American
citizen, and two-thirds OF them volun-
teers-not ha~lf-starved, ignorant pau
pers gathered from the slums and press
ed into service, but brawny specimens OF
American manhood. In this respect. the
superiority OF the force OF the United
States will be as three to one agains. the
forces OF Spain.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

Gen. Andrew Hlc%kenloopcr, OF Gin
clnnati, recently told this story to an in
tervlcwcr: ION one occasion, after we
had chased the enemy for some distance
we caught up to them. That nigh, al
the council OF the. officers Il was decided
to NOV upon tho enemy's camp at day
break. AS chief OF the artillery, I went
over to the headquarters OF the branch
To notify them Of the line Of action. In
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

THIRTY-FIvE years make q genera
ton. That is how long Adolph Fisher,
of GAINESVILLE, O.. suffered from piles,
He was cured by using three boxes OF
De Wits Witch Hazel Salve. Charles
R. Goethe, Market and Twelfth streets;
Chatham Sinclair, Forty-sixth and ia.
con streets; A. E. Scheehle, No. COZ Main
street: Exley Bros, Penn and Zane
streets; Bowie 6 Co.. Bridgeport. 2
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

A TORPID liver robs you OF ambi-
ton and ruins your health. De Wits
Little Early Risers cleanse the liver,
cure constipation and all stomach and
liver troubles. Charles R. EGoetze.
Market and Twelfth streets; Chatham
Sinclair, Forty-sixth and Jacob streets:
A. z. Scheehle. No. COZ Main street: Es-
ley Bros, Penn and Zane streets:
Bowie & Co., Bridgeport 1
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

War prices are something OF a hard
ship. but they ore the least OF the hor-
rorsl Of war and the people can stand
them for n time. It Is ~ agreeable fact
that little complaint Is heard.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

A Hong Kong dispatch says that
every officer on board Dewey's fleet de-
serves promotion, and doubtless all will
receive It. Promotions make room for
others, and as they com slow In times
Of peace, the waiting ones will gladly
welcome The opportunity.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

Dixie and Yankee Doodle" nrc
sung in unison these days. north, south,
east and west. There are nc dividing
lines In this country now.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10
Germany and the United State.

1t is hoped that Emperor William
Is correctly reported as saying to United
States Ambassador White that The
millions OF Germans in America would
o understand It II their fatherland did
not entertain q friendly feeling in this
conflict toward their new home" No.
only is 1t hoped that the kaiser is cor
rectly reported. but that he has spoken
sincerely. He Is right when he says the
German born citizens OF the United
States. and those OF German extraction,
you'd no: understand any un~frIendliness
m the part OF the :a:hcrland. There
are millions OF them, and in all America
there are no moro true-hcarted, loyal
citizens. They are as thoroughly de-
voted to the American flag and Amcn-
can institutions as any other class OF u
people. They are as ready to take up
arms in defense of the honor OF this ma
tion as they would be TO so 10 the 'front.'
were they still in the fa%therland, and
were called upon for a similar service.
The emperor knows this to be true. He
knows that between Germany and a
very large proportion of the population
OF the United States there are ties OF
blood that should foreve. bind the two
countries together In n cause for hu-
mantty, md that any act on Gcrmany's
part which would seem to be unfriendly
in the present crisis would be regretted
BY none more than the German-Ameri-
can citizens OF the great republic; that,
grieve them though it might, they would
not hesitate in choosing between their
adopted homo and that of their birth IN
~resenting an unjust Interference on the
part OF the latter. They are even now
wondering why It Is that. in spite Of the
friendly remark attributed to the en-
peror by our ambassador, and the neu-
traity of Germany, that the German
press Is just now engaged In expressing
sympathy for Spain and engaging in
abuse and yilllicatlon of the United
States and its people. In the language
OF the emperor "they cannot understand
It." The German citizens OF this coun-
try do not believe that these journals re-
fleet the sentiment Of the German
masses, who love justice and humanity,
and to whom the brutal Spanish rule In
Cuba is just as revolving as 1t Is to the
people OF other civilized countries. II
the emperor Is sincere in the expression
quoted he should say so to his people,
with as much freedom and frankness as
he says 1t to the representative Of the,
government Of the United States.
Whatever commercial jcalousies may
exist on the part OF Germany toward the
United States. should have nothing 10 do
withtthe formation of judgment concern
Ing the Issue involving q question OF
humanity between Spain and this coun-
try. Trade and commercial conditions
and differences can be peacenbly settled.
The German press In Its present course
is 10 building wlsely, and, again, as
the emperor well says. the millions Of
Germans in the United States cannot
understand any act OF unrrlendllness,
whether II comes from the press or the
throne.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The Spanish government can give
some OF u American prize fighters
points on how to do their fighting
through the medium Of the press. A
well equipped Spanish literary bureau
a win more Victories than we're ever
won on the open field.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The Spanish governments announce
ment that 1t will energetlcally push the
campaign. especially in the Philip
plnee," Is almost too amusing. 1t seems
that the Spanish government Is still pre-
Stunning on the ignorance OF the masses
at home to inspire them with courage.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The intention OF the government to
send 5000 troops to the Philippines to
preserve order pending q settlement of
the war is a wise course.It will be i'm
possible for Spain to get reinforcenents
there in advance Of the United States.
The suggestion that she a send as
sistarce through the Suez canal Is a
proposition which Spain will scarcely
adopt. Even by that apparently short
route, Spanish vessels would have to
sail 5000 miles. without an intervening
coallng station.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The Russian papers accuse the Span
lards OF losing the arsenal at Cavite
through cowardice. 1t Is now In order
for the Spanish press to defend Spanish
honor.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

IT Is n great leap from the old fash
Toned doses OF blue-mass and nauseous
physics to the pleasant little pills known
AS De Wits Little Early Risers. They
cure constipation, sick headache and
b!llousness.i Charles r.. Goethe, Market
and Twelfth streets; Chatham Sinclair,
Forty-sixth and Jacob streets: A. Z.
schcehle. No. GOT Main street: Exley
Bros. Penn and Zane streets: Bowie
& Co., bridgeport. 3 Z
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The Spanish cabinet Is surprised shat
Admiral Montejo doesn't send further
particulars about the fleet" II the cab
Inc, expects Admiral Montejo to supply
particulars about the Spanish fleet they
will have to send him q diving suit
Chicago News.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The los. 10 Spain from the destruction
OF her vessels at Manila was about
$4,000, 900. Her loss by the practical con-
troll Of the Philippines by the United
States is many millions more. And
Spaln's treasury Is bankrupt, while
Spanish 4 per cents are down to thirty
cents.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

It Is cruel for the Spanish government
to hold General Weyler back any longer.
1t should let him come and invade U.s.
Indianapolis Journal.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The two chief yellow Journals of New
York out-dld each other Sunday morn.
Ing In claiming superior enterprise. Vel.
low sheet No. ], the Journal, among It's
many headlines exploiting Itself to the
exclusion of more important matter, had
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

A touch Of spring again Is welcome.
1t adds t" the general good feeling which
prevails over favorable war news.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10
SHOT ARD SHE'LL

One thing that helps to make the war
tolerable Is the dollar tax on cigarettes.
Pittsburgh Times,
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The reported act of treachery on the
part OF one Of the Spanish ships during
the battle at Manila, In lowering her
flag IN token OF surrender and then FIR
ing at a boats crew sent to take pos
session OF her. is a striking example OF
the sort OF foe that The United States Is
fighting against. 1t mag also be taken
as a fair sample Of boosted Spanish
honor.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-05-10

The action of Congress in voting
money to present testimonials in the
way Of medals to the officers OF the
Asiatc squadron, and a sword to the
commando of the fleet, will be approved
by the country. Such recognition OF the
galantry of American heroes IS proper
at all times. 1t is simple enough ;esti-
mony of the appreciation OF the public,
and in this Gaze but family expresses
the sentiment OF the Nation.