The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1898-08-21
SOME EPIGRAMS


Poor Fritz in the "Grande Duchesse"
acted an epigram, says Chambers Maya
zine, when he took to the trade of teaching
in order to learn something.
Sydney Smith once said that clergymen
might be divided into three classes: MINI
rods, ramrods and fishing rods. 1t was not
a bad epigram, but it has been beaten by
an American, who, with special reference
to the Erie line, said that railroads are
built upon three gauges-broad gauge. mar
row gauge and mortgage.
The antithesis to an epigram is a eu-
phemism, which hides a sagfeeable fact
ir cloud of words.
Here is a somewhat il-natured epigram
If twin,
A Greek will at the breast begin
To rob his sister of her share
OF mothers milk with smiling air,
And less because he finds it sweet
Than from the deep instinct to cheat I,
Let us return TO the witticisms of sydney
Smith. 1.-THE whole story of my life," he
says, has been passed like a razor-in hot
water or a scrape." There is the same
difference between his tongue and mine as
between the minute and the hour hand; one
goes twelve times as fast, and the other sig
nifies twelve times as much" MY house
is just now full of cousins. They are all
first cousins, and 1 wish them-once re-
moved" 1.-THE churchs ordinances of
feasts and fasts are tolerably we'll kept up.
The rich keep the feasts and the poor the
fasts." ''If you masthead a sailor for not
doing his duty. why should you rot wealth
ercock a parishioner for not paying his
tithes?' "Gout is the only enemy which 1
don't wish to have at my feet.
]. Outram, on hearing a lady praise a
certain reverend doctors eyes. exclaimed:
I cannot praise the doctors eyes;
I never saw his glance divine.
He always shuts them when he prays.
And when he breaches he shuts mine.
Austin Dobson is always dainty:
You shared me. Rose. with ribbons,
Your rose mouth made me thrall.
Brief briefer far than Gibbons
Was my Decline and Fall.
Shirley Brooks puts the following in the
mouth of Jenner on hearing in Elysum that
complaints had been made of his having a
statue in Trafalgar square:
England, ingratitude still blots
The escutcheon of the brave and free!
/ saved you many million spots,
And now you grudge one spot to me.
At some country house, where dramatic
formed, Lord Alvanley was requested TO
play the part of Isaac of York. He de-
clined, saying: II never could do Jew in
my life
Theodore Hook was dining at Powelrs
one day, says II. F. Chorley, In his Life
and Letters and the talk fell upon feu
Jack Reeves. YES" said Hook, when they
were speaking of his funeral, II met him
in his private box going to the pit"
Once more Thomas Hood-this time on
the art unions:
That picture-raffles will conduce to noursh
Design. or cause good coloring to flourish
Admits Of logic chopping and wise saving:
Tut surely lotteries encourage drawing
One from the Greek:
J. viper bit a Cappadocian's hide:
Eut twas the viper, not the man, that died
Oliver Goldsmith has the same idea in his
''Kiegy on the Death of Mad Dog:
The wound II seemed both sore and sad
To every Christian eye;
Ard while they swore the dog was mad
They swore the man would die.
But soon a wonder came to light.
That showed the rogues they lied
The man recovered of the bite,
The dog 1t was that died.
Concerning Socialism, Sir William Long
rnraphrases Ebenezer Elliott:
what Is Communist? One who has vearn-
ings
For equal division of unequal earnings:
Ic1er or bungler, or both, he is willing
70 fork out his penny and-pocket vour
shilling.
Bushe, the Irish chief baron, made This
fmpromptu verse upon two agitaters who
had refused to fight duels, one on account
a. his affection for his wife and the other
cause Of his love for his daughter:
iWo heroes of Erin. abhorrent Of slaughter
improved on the Hebrew commando
one honored his wife. and the other his
daughter,
That his days might be long Ia the land.
James Smith again obiiges us: