Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1898-05-26
A HARD MAN TO BEAT
THE LIVE RAILROAD AGENT Is UP TO
ALL SORTS OF TRICKS.

TIE LlN heiLhOAO H0E-iNt - Ut ~
ALL SORTS OF TRICKS.
Circus People Are Pretty Cute Them.
selves, but This Story Shows How One
Party Was CIeverly Outwitted by the
Hust1ing RaiIroader.
"There are people who think you
can't beat a circus man, but l want to
tell you that the hardest man to do is a
live railroad man."
The old sawdust manager had tried
it. He continued:
"Know where Purcell is in the In
dian Territory? Away down at the
jumping off place on the Santa Fe road.
The show had been at Purcell and we
wanted to get out in the night for a
long run. We were going to make a
jump to Kansas City. Not far from
Purcell is another town, Oklahoma
City. At that point a competing road
with the Santa Fe runs in. We had 500
people, and Of course the railroad men
were after US. 1t was big haul. Some
Of our people bought through tickets
from Purcell, and they didn't worry.
But about 200, maybe more, of the
crowd that always haggles over a 10
cent dicker concluded to take the Santa
.Fe from Purcell to Oklahoma City, pay
the short haul, and then take the COM
peting line at Oklahoma, the agents of
which were active and full of promises.
"Then the Santa Fe man fixed it SO
the dickerers couldn't buy any tickets
from Purcell to Oklahoma. for the train
we were to go on was special. The
dickerers said that was all right; that
they would wait fer tho regular. In
less than five minutes bulletin was
slapped on the board Of the station to
the effect that the regular Santa Fe was
IL hours late. That made the fellows
who were dickering for cheaper rate
turn white around their gills.
In another five minutes l saw man
on track velocipede scudding down the
stretch. Every man to his business. Sc
I thought the railroad people knew
what they were doing, and they did.
That chap on the velocipede was going
down the track TO flag the regular and
hold 1t indefinitely. Smart trick, wasn't
it: Wait till / tell you. There was q
smarter trick than that.
"When the special got ready to pull
out, the dickerers asked the agent il
they could pay on the train from Pur
cell to Oklahoma, and he said Cert.
So they all boarded the train at Pur-
cell, intending to get off at Oklahoma.
just before tho train pulled out the
agent walks down to the engine and
asks the old man at the throttle how
long he had been Oh the road and about
the capacity Of his iron horse, and Sc
forth.
How many miles an hour can she
go at her best?' asked the agent.
"'On good track, G5 miles.
Is it good track through Oklaho-
ma City?'
"'Yes, pretty good.
"'All right. You've got no orders to
stop there nor to slow up, have your
"'Not yet
Well, when you get to the edge Of
the town you let her go. Don't stop for
anything-hags or teams or cattle.
Scoot through the town at IS mile
gait, or more If you like, and don t
slow up until you strike that strip of
desolation about 1 miles t'other side
and you smoke box of the finest cigars
in Chicago. Is tia go?'
'''Tf don't get no orders fore |
start.
Well. yen are FIVE minutes late
now.
In q minute, and I calculate it was
less, the circus special was under way.
1t went around curves like q scared
snake. 1t shot across straight lines like
gaZelle that had been singed. 1t
whiried the dust'of that country into
the sky. After awhile we saw town.
Then we went through it like the Won
an that's shot from the catapult, only
more SO. One OF tho diolzerers, who was
smiling to think the conductor had not
yet come round, asked brakeman as
the train was going through the street,
What town is this?' The brakeman
said, Oklahoma City,
"The dicker6r's smile faded as it
came. as the poet says, and his hair
stood up, and turning to the brakeman
he says:
'Jezecrimini! Stop her! Here's
where we get Off
She doesn't even hesitate at town
like this, said the brakeman.
"Well, about II miles on this side,
In q strip Of country where crow can't
live and where ar Indian wouldn't be
caught dead, the old iron horse began to
slow up The conductor came through
just then and said:
"'Tickets!'
"Well, say, that was funny sight.
Them that had tickets showed up and
then went to sleep. But the dickerers
began to kick. They said they should
have been let off at Oklahoma City.
The conductor said the train didn't stop
at Oklahoma, that it wasn't scheduled
to stop there, and that he wasn't going
to go hack that trip. The leader Of the
dickerers for cheap fares wanted to
know what was to be done.
''The conductor was an old timer. He
had face On him like a woman who
never loved anybody. He just told
them, Pay CT get Off Then they asked
him where they could pay to. And he
said the train wouldn't stop any more
until it got to Kansas City the next
morning unless it stopped to put them
off. And he reached up and caught the
belleord.
"And every one of the dickerers paid
to Kansas City. And, Of course, under
the railroad law, they paid more than
they would have paid if they had
bought tickets at Purcell. And the COM
pany was that much ahead And that's
what l mean when I say that the hard
est man tn do is q live railroad man 3,