The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-08-21
MAT PRUNIE
.....GM MEGES.

r-ver since saw man hung about
a hundred and ten years ago. / have
becn considered an authority on necks.
do not mean that anybody shall ina
CINE that I am IN favor Of prOmiscuous
Amortization, because I am not an I'M
perlallst--l rather lean toward old Two
seed in the spirit predestinsranism; put
simply make a study or TSAs IN
this discourse / shall cndeavor TO ols
cuss successfully the various classes o.
necks. There are WY necks. sun necNS'
nlaOasier nccks. with shoulderD sM"u,
Ike necks (Annie Laurie had ono VI
those). decolletes. and necks POSSESSING
a peculiar elasticity yulgofly teIihS"
rubber necks."
The wrv neck: Webster defines WIS
a. a portion OF the Jugular ahoso.nS
caused by overinduigencc ia ths nnD,'"
lion OF rye with this sort OF h'Sh "
man can easily button the back Oh MS
shirt without mirror; ana AT 'hIee-
ringed circus, unlike the obe-eyeu n'ap,
he is perfectly al nome roi ~ &C.
,rtorTrstion regarding this subject. See
Everybody's Encyclopedia, page w. VOL
T. IL. a.
Tn. atm neck: This aniiction is caus-
"a nv getting over ones depth In So
.iotv and trying by various means 10
Keen ones head above water, hence me
.tarched condition Of the throat Iaten'
A stifY neck does not necessarily Imply
that the wearer has money-or brains
either. You have heard people speak OF
cutting one another on the street IL
vas done with this very neck OF when
am speaking II Is used TO look over
the heads OF persons 90 whom you 90
not wish 10 speak. When ones neck
is stiff the backbone IS usually exceed
inglv plant. This neck may be cuTed
bv from eight 20 ten hours q day al
hard labor, There IS a certain bird that
flies very high. but he comes down 10
dinner always.
The alaDaster neck: Commonly seen In
ones imagination on the heroines OF
love stories: but supposed 10 be now
extinct. II IS thought that Pygmallon
made one for Galatea, and this Is the
only one that can be relied upon. !
once had tho pleasure OF seeing Miss
bituo Rhodes wear one very gracefully,
hut learn that she does not play Gaid-
tea any more, go I am proud or an
opportunity that was not lost III a neck
81 alabaster IS as troublesome as an
ankle done UP I'm plaster OF paris.
should not Ike for my wile 10 Wear one
See tho "Azoic Age" by Patsy BolliVer'
page G6. Sec. 2
Tho swan-like neck: ] must confess
that this puzzles me. have seen
swans. and their necks are from three
IN thirty feet In length. according as
whether they are in repOse or on dress
parade 1 once saw an old maid win
tcn.inch neck. but the similarity was
not startling Possibly this swan-ike
neck is after all an evolution OF some
imaginative pathological brain, ana
does not exist at all save In the original
state. that is, on swans.
MI ggfra an, hCinw
very pleutiful. Il has not baffied the
sSisrtists In The least. This neck is
usually the beginning Of consumption,
coughs colds and measles; but many
be .vorn iudiciously with telling effect
both upon the stcrner sex ana the pocket
book OF the paterfamilas who PROVIDES
80 rcceeseries WY and stin necks
would not look well decollete: the ana
Master. I fudge would; the swan now
ever usually wears hers that way See
prune on Dccolletes, a palnphiet sotleh
out by me IN 1SC2.
The rubber neck, (olastici taurus): Dis
covered about six months ago. have
one: so little boy told me rev Guys
since | turned my head 10 look at
new bonnet. and was informed that
possessed one of these uncommon necks.
Provided It Is a good quality OF Iupper
! have no objection. From readlhs
I learn that with IL the jays are en-
abled 10 gaze at the top Of the tan build
iurs when they come 10 town. Ihls IS
not used to pry into other peoples ppsi-
ness. that As q rubber nose. y rupper
neck tx a rare luxury. and does not worry
anyone but the small boys. They make
IL the target for their j.bes. IL were tar
better for a man TO cast himseli INTO
nnidstream with a pile-drivcr about his
70
a rubber neck: for he is sure 10 wish Tor
the bears that came 20 the rescue OF the
prophet OF ole.
There are two other species of necks
that / have omitted from the regular
classification, but they belong ID ms
paper; They are Grab Neck aud "flsh
Neck" both situated in the good county
OF York. ] have been 20 Crao Neck IL
IS very properly named, for there Is no
neck az an. Fish Neck is rather ano-
,nalous. too. because hsh from ms
shoulders up Is built something like Tom
Reed. lust why this place Is called flsh
Mack I do not know, hut j DO Know
WHY "a fish has no neck-it would be I'M
possible for h.m 10 swim with MS COL
lar on. Somebody asks, however, now
we Kin a nsh Wei, / acknowledge the
corn-technically speaking, ne gets II
IN the neck. .,.. az
fnfTH ]
con, me svan-like what is known rs
an Adams apple supposed to be the ORR
einal that was presented by LNe. ! am
toid that this SIS used 10 regulate the
dtferent grades OF voice from penny NE
O. side trombone. and without It We
sbo,,ld not be able 20 ask for '"iriDys-
and "Coca-colas" this hot weather
have friends. its BOggs, who taxes
eroat pride in his Adams apple, and
calls IL peach lie has evidently
boen grating. The next thing we kno"
There is another neck described by the
poet IN those classic lines
PO'' - Assll |
"I'u never marry a poor GAL
In Ten YOU the reason why,
Her necks so long and sinngy
I'm 'fraid she'll never die
INT am afraid / have already strung
ont my, subject 10 TOO great length; So
farewell until neoks time.
NAT PRUNE.