The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1898-10-13
DooLEY ON THE INDIAN WAR.
(F. P. Dunno in Chicago Journal.)


"Gin'r raj Sherman was wan iv tn
smartest men we liver had" said Mr..
Dool ey. "He said SO many bright things.
Twas him said: War is hell, an
that's wan " tn finest sayin's I know
anything about. War is hell, tbs a
thrue wurred an fine sintiment. An
Gidrel Sherman says: 'Th' only good
Indyun is dead Indyun. An that's a
good sayin', too. So. be tn powers,
we've started in again to improve th
race, an II we can get ia Galtin' guns
enough befure tn winters SHOWS We'll
TURN them Chippeways into cimitry
branch iv TIL Young Mems Christyan As
ISOLATION. We will SO.
Eye see, Hinnissy. tn Indyun is bound
FIR to give way to tn onward march iy
white civilization. You n me, Hinnis-
sy, is tn white civil cation. come
along an I find OF Snakes.in His CATERS
livin' quiet an dacint in q new frame
house. Thinks /: IT'S shame FIR to
lave this savage man in possession iv this
fine abode, an him not able f'r to vote
an without frind ON tn polls foorce.
s says I: Snakes, says, get along.
says I, I want ye house an ye best move
FIR ye'erself, says. 'Diyvle tn fut will
/ step out iv this house, says Snakes.
4 built it an have tn law on me side, ;
he says. sF'r why should take Mary
Ann, au' Terence an Honoria, an Robel t
Immitt Snakes an all me little Snakes
an rustic out west iv tn thracks,' he
says, far frim tn bones Nv me ancestors,
he says, AN beyond tn water. pipe sxtin.
tn walkin' dilygate " white oiviliza-
tiou,' I says. I'm jiat as civilized as
you, says Snakes. 4 wear pants, he
says, AM a plug hat, he says 'Ye might
wear tin pairs says I, AN all at wanst, ;
says, san' ye'd still be q savage, says
/, AN I'd be civilized says. II |
hadn't on so much as bangle bracelet,
I says. so get out, says !, FIR tn pi-
wnrruk,' says.
'tWell, Snakes he fires shtove lid at
me, am 60 down to tn polls sation an
says /: Loot, says, they Sc dhrunk-
On Indyun not voting up near tn mills
an he's carryin' on outrageous an he
won't let me hang me pitchers on his
wall, says 1. vile savage says tn loot,
sI'll taohs him to rayspict tn rules " civ
ilization,' he says An he takes out q
woganload an goes afther Snakes Well.
me frind Snakes gives him battle. an
KNOWN tn premises we'll he's able to put
up q great hight, but afther awhile they
rip him away an have him in tn pathrol
wagon with man settin' on his head.
An thin he's put updher bonds to keep
TIL peace, an they sind him out west i7
TIL thracks an move into tn house an
tear out tn front an start faro bank.
Some day whin get tired or tn Swedes
dhrive me out or Schwartzmeister makes
his lunch too sthrong f'r competition, I'll
go afther Snak 90 again.
9Th only hope firth Indyun is to put
his house on rollers an keep team
hitched to it, an whin he sees VIII lite
man to start FIR tn settin' sun. He's
rooned whin he has cellar. He ought
to put all tn plugged dollars that he gets
from tn agent an be pickin' blueberries
into rowlin' stock. II he knew anything
about balloons he'd have chanst. but We
white men, Hinnissy, has all tn balloons.
But. anyhow, he's doomed, as Hogan says.
TIL onward march iv tn white civiliza-
tfon with morgedges an other modhren
improvements is slowly but surely, as
Hogan says, chasin' him out, an TIL last
iy him IL be Twin in a divin' bell some
where out in tn Pacific ocean,"
"Well," said Mr.. Hinnessy, the stout
philanthropist, II don't think SO, an
thin again, dinnaw. I don't think we
threat Thin fright. If was tn govern :
ment I'd take what they got. but I'd say:
Here, take this tin dollar bill an go
out an dhrink ye-erself to DEATH I'd say.
Thew ought to have some show"
ssWell,h said Mr.. Dooley, ''if ye feel
that way ye ought to go an inlist as an
Indyun."