Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1898-05-04
THE TIMES.
WEDNESDAY, MAY A. 1898.

iIotii sStohu iuSS'J
said she put hers on, but she didn't enjoy
her nights rest at all
| will offer for the next toast, 'The
Bright Side, "by our brother, Mr.. Kimbah.
Mr.. Osgood, members OF the class and
friends, --When | received the kind note
from Mr.. Osgood requesting me to re-
spond to this toast, carried out my first
impulse and went directly over to see him
and asked him to let me off; he replied
that he couldn't think OF it. Now, l have
a great deal of regard for Mr.. Osgood and
wanted to spare him all pain. l told him
was not the man he was looking for, but
not anything / could say changed his mind
am reminded of the story of the major
who would not allow any excuses. When
he told any of the boys to do anything,
they were simply to go and do it. This
worked very well until one day the follow
ing incident occurred which has finally
leaked out. He had colored servant
named George, and he said to him,
George, 60 bring the barber to my tent"
Ia little while man appeared before the
tent and the major said,s.I sent for you to
come and shave me, come right into the
tent" The man tried to make some ex-
PLANTATION but the major would hear moth
ing, he told the man where the razor and
brush and strap were and commanded him
to go to work. The man tried again to ex
plain, but was not allowed, so he took the
strap and strapped the razor and then be-
gan to shave the majors face. In mo-
ment the major put on very wry face and
soon he brushed the man aside and sprang
from the chair exclaiming angrily, You
are barber, are you, come here and pull
the hairs all out of my facet" "No, sir"
was the reply, 81 am not. barber by
trade tried to explain to you that l was
not My name is Barber, but | am a
bugler in the regiment" Now, am about
as much OF finished after-dinner speaker
as that man was barber.
Mr.. Osgood's class, its bright side.
There was gentleman describing tower
in Europe, he pictured the arches, the
domes, the windows. Another gentleman
said he had seen another tower and went
on to describe it, but it was entirely diff
ferent from what the first one had seen. 1t
turned out, however, that they were both
the same thing but each had seen differ
ent side from the other.
Now, the bright side of Mr.. Osgood's
Bible class to which | wish to call your at
tention with great deal of pride is Mr..
Charles Wesley Osgood.
COL E. G. osGOoD.
As it is a time of war and we hear so
much said about it, it reminds me of the
little fellow who once asked his father if he
was going to war. "No," replied the
father, "Mamma's been the man Of the
house this last year" -"Our PASTOR" Col.
E. G. Osgood.
Mr.. Toastmaster and friends i sup
pose ones father has a right to change his
mind, that was not the toast given me, my
toast has already been responded to. / am
reminded of the story of Smith and Jones.
Smith said to Jones, ''Are you going down
to such banquet" Jones said, Eyes, are
you going down, tooP" Smith said, Eyes"
Eyes, are youP" YES What are you
going to say?" .'Well, | haven't really de-
cided what are you going to say?" So
Smith told Jones what he was going to say.
| They went down to the banquet and the
| first one that was called upon was Jones,
and he arose and said what Smith had told
him, so when Smith was called upon he
had nothing to say.
On account of the lateness Of the hour, |
have been thinking that | would not wish
to have anyone say here as did the drum
mer who came to hotel one Sunday and
said to the proprietor, Can you direct me
to a church," "Church, you going to
church," eyes, always go to church.
Now, please direct me to one where they
have short sermon and short service, SO
I can get back to dinner in time" The
hotel keeper directed him to church
where he knew they had very long SER
mon and very long service. The drum
mer came back and asked why he directed
him to such church. He said that in the
first place they had the longest prayer he
ever heard, then they read hymn, it was
the longest hymn in the book and they
read every verse and then sang every
verse, then the minister preached the long
est sermon he ever heard, and when he got
through he began again and repeated 1t.
Then the minister said they would have an
after service to which the board (bored)
were invited to remain. He sat there and
the minister came down and shook hands
all around. He said he was very glad to
see me, and hoped / would come again.
Finally he came around again and asked,
care you waiting to see some oneP" "No,
you told me to remain" 81 told you to
remain, l never saw you before!" "You
told the bored to remain and if have not
been bored for the last three hours l dc
not know who has,"
Now, just word to our pastor or OF oul
pastor. am an honorary member OF this
class or member by proxy. | used to be
a member of it and l think there are sew
eral here tonight who might say the same
What help this class might be to our pas
tor and may he not expect that it will be!
May we not, if the coat fits put it onp
trust that more of us will become member
of this class, and hope we may see more
and more to enjoy from the instructions
the teacher.
j b. MORSE.
am reminded of Abraham Lincoln whel
he was one time written to by friend ant
asked in regard to the standing OF certain
man. Lincoln replied that the man had
wife and one child that ought to be wortl
$685. 0O in his office he had desk ant
table worth 81 so and three chairs tina
were probably worth 81 and there was
rat hole in one corner of the office tina
ought to be looked into.
The next toast will offer is, The pres
ent membership of our class-Mr. Mors
Just why was called upon for this posi-