davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
DOWN ON CITY FELLERs.
Tom y. Morgan, of Puck. Relates Con.
yersation He Overheard.

Tom r. Morgan, of Puck, Relates Con-
versation He Overheard.
Them city fellers is all gosh-dang-
ed swindlers!" growled Farmer Bur-
dock, peevishly. cit the best of we II
you try to treat 'em decent, an skin
ye alive II they git half chance"
What hev they been a-doin' to We.
JOSIAH" queried Farmer Grayneck,
who had come over to borrow Whit
fietree.
"W'y gol-squanch it! You know
that patent fannin' mill l bought OF
an agent from the city on six months
time? Wal, thought / was gittin' 1t
mighty cheap, bein' as l calkerlated
on usin' it up till within few days
Of the time when the payment
was due an then tellin' the Teller that
his contraption wasn't any account
an for him to take it off from my
place before l smashed 1t an licked
him for tryin' to swindle me. But the
chap that came to collect the money
was good deal bigger an coarser
than the Teller that sold me the ma
chine, an kinder sawed his shoulders
up an down, like this, when he walk
ed. didn't want to let him down too
hard, bein' as I knowed I had the best
of him, anyhow, an so invited him to
stay for dinner He staid an ct up
nine-tenths of the preserves an made
mash on my daughter. After dinner
l told him to take his drafted old ma
chine an go, an he told me not on
| my tin-type. l threatened to whip
him out of his hide if he didn't; an
| the first thing knew he ketched me
| by the neck, thrashed down the ash
hopper with me, damned my head in
to the fannin' mill, kicked me half
way through it, breakin' the machine
an nearly tearin' my head off; kick
ed ME out again, an flung my re-
mains into the cave cellar. Then he
| collected the bill from my wife, advis-
ed her to get divorce from me, per-
suaded my daughter to elope with him
on my best horse, an took my fifty
dollar dog along. And now, even my
wife sides against me. Them city
chaps is gol-darned swindlers-every
blamed one CT 'em!"
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
HOW the Chine.e Do Things.

The Chinese do everything back
ward. They exactly reverse the usual
order Of civilization, says the Rich
mond Christian Advocate.
Note, first, that the Chinese compass
points to the south instead of the
north.
Men wear skirts, the women trous-
ers.
The men wear their hair long, and
the women wear 1t short.
The men carry on dressmaking, and
the women carry burdens.
The spoken language is not written,
and the written language is not spoken.
Books are read backward What we
call foot-notes are inserted at the top
OF the page.
The Chinese dress in white at funer-
ais, and in mourning at weddings,
while old women always serve as
bridesmaids.
The Chinese launch their vessels
sideways, and mount their horses from
the off side.
The Chinese begin their dinner with
dessert and end with soup and fish.
In China the hands of the clocks are
irnmovable; it is the dial that re-
/ wolves.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
BRITISH SMUGGLERS.
CAVES ON THE COAST WHERE CON-
TRABAND GOODS WERE STORED.

The Goods We're slowed Away In tho Cav
erns aud Removed Under Cover OF the
Night--Their Pretended Consideration
for the Donkeys.
A very curious feature of the coasts
OF England, where rocky or wild, is the
trenched and banked UP paths from the
caves along the coast. These are no.
ticeable in Devon and Cornwall and
along the Bristol channel. That terri
BILE sea front consists OF precipitous
walls OF rock, with only here and there
a dip, where brawling stream has
sawed its course down to the sea, and
here there is. perhaps, sandy shore
of diminutiye proportions and the
rocks around are pierced In all direc-
lions with caverns. The smugglers for
merly ran their goods into these caves,
when the weather permitted, or the
preventive men were not on the look
out. They slowed away their goods
in the caves and gave notice to the
farmers and gentry OF the neighbor-
hood, all of whom were provided with
numerous donkeys, which were hence
forth sent down to the caches, and
the kegs and bales were removed I'M
der cover Of the night or Of storm. AS
an excuse for keeping droves OF DON
keys it was pretended that the sea sand
and the kelp served as admirable
dressing for the land, and no doubt
so they did. The trains OF asses some
times came up laden with sacks OF
sand, but not infrequently with kegs
Of brandy.
Now wary preventive man might
watch too narrowly the proceedings OF
these trains of asses. Accordingly
squires, yeomen and farmers alike set
to work to cut deep ways in the face
Of the downs, along the slopes OF the
hills, and bank them up so that the
whole caravans OF laden beasts might
travel up and down absolutely unseen
from the sea and greatly screened
| from the land side. Unquestionably
the sunken ways and high banks are
a great protection against the wealth
err So they were represented to be,
and no doubt greatly were the good
| folks commended for their consdera-
| tion for the beasts and their drivers in
thus at great cost shutting them on
| from the violence of the gale. Never
theless, 1t can hardly be doubted that
concealment from the eyes of the coast
guard was sought by this means quite
as much, if not more, than the shell
tering of the beasts of burden from the
| weather
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22

William Pink Pills for Pals People, -
they had wonderfully helped the wife Of
Rev, S. P. Perry, Of Richmond.
ala recommended the pills 20 highly
that really had faith in them.
~ began to use the pills, and from tho
first my stomach began to feel better.
"The first effect Of the pills was the 70
storation Of my appetite, and ths quitting
Of my shattered nervous system.
envy food did not distress ms. began
to regain my lost strength, and in one month
after CONNIE neinK 10 take the pills was abls
to do my housewofk.
~ have gained 80 pounds and to-day
am In good health.
"Fof the past five months Ia addition 10
doing my Usual house hold duties, have
also cooked for nine persons.
~ owe my life to Dr.. William PAX
Pills for Pals People, for ! am sure ! asvsi
would have been well again ! had ao'
taken them. have fseommended tAsn
to several psrsons and would urge al suf.
iering people to give these pills TRIAL.
"Iwill be glad to answer any questions
by mail or to have any one cali, for fuf'
thef details"
To add weight to her words Mrs. Palmer
made affidavit before Notary Pebble Hear,
Gillett.
DR.. William Pink Pills for Pale Psopl'
contain all those elements that purify, vita
lie, and enrich the blood, and In this way
restore health. Physicians prescribe, drug
gists recommend, and people svsrywhsf'
uss these pills.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
wonder Of . volcanic I.le.

One Of the greatest wonders OF Java,
1.-The fire island" large lake Of boiling
mud, is situated almost in the plains
Of Grobogana, some distance to the
northeast OF Solo. 1t is nearly two
miles in circumference, and in the CEN
ter immense columns Of soft, hot mud
may be seen continually rising and
falling, like great black timbers thrust
forth and then suddenly withdrawn
by a giants hand. Besides the phe-
nomena OF the columns. there are two
gigantic bubbles near the western edge,
which fill up like huge balloons and
explode on an average three times per
minute.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
Her Yearn.

Tack" whispered Gladys Beauti.
girl, nesting closer in his strong en-
brace. you have heard the expression
pressed for time haven't your"
"Yes?" said young Squeezler, with
an appropriate rising infection. at the
same time getting a fresh clutch on
her lissome waist.
And do you know. dear" continued
the sweet girl pensively, Il am sure
like heing- pressed for time, and
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
why She Backed Out.

She had offered her Klondike outfit
for sale.
But you seemed to be so determined
to CO." they exclaimed.
Il was" she admitted.
you said that nothing could turn
you from your purpose"
That's what I thought"
And now you've backed out entire
ly and positively refuse to stir step.
We can't understand it."
well. you would II you once saw
what fright am in Klondike cos
tune"
Then she fixed up her bangs little.
gave herself sudden twist to make
her dress sit Just right, and it was evil
dent to even the most unobserving
that the world had lost the service Of
another great DrOspeetor
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
LIGHTS IN THE PYRAMIDS.
Tomb Of the Pharaohs to he IIiumin-
ated by Electricity.


The ancient institutions OF Egypt are
rapidly giving way to the new order OF
things. For centuries old methods OF
transportation have been in vogue I'M
affected by the rapid strides in other
parts of the globe, the camel being the
only means Of conveyance of freight
and passengers. and crude agricultural
implements of Biblical times have only
recently been laid aside for newer
machines. Idle waterfalls have been
recently made to turn mill wheels, and
where no falls existed the Niles waters
are being impounded for power pur-
poses as we'll as for irrigation. There
are immense stretches OF country, until
recently unproductive, now covered
with cotton plantations. and their
product has become of the greatest i'm
portance to Egypt. English capital Is
now building great storage reservoir
near Assouan, in the Upper Nile re.
gion, in which will be caught the water
Of the river during the freshet season.
to be released In the dry times. This
will feed great irrigation system,
which, 1t is hoped, will reclaim vast
stretches Of desert land and what was
once barren waste OF sand will be
transformed into blooming plantations,
growing wheat and cotton. Thus will
be restored to the ancient country its
old reputation and standing as the
'granary of Europe"
The latest and not the least novel OF
these innovations is the illumination
OF the pyramids by electric light. AL
ready the trolley car has invaded the
ancient precincts and it is possible to
ride to these old structures from sew
eral points by electric vehicles. Wires
will soon be laid from the Assouan
cataract, where modern power plant
will be constructed, to the pyramids,
and the interior rooms and passage
ways as we'll as the exterior will be
ablaze with electric light. Many timid
persons have heretofore been deferred
from making this trip because Of the
gloomy interior. The tour was for
merly made with the assistance of sew
eral natives, who acted as guides and
| torch-bearers, their flaming lights
! serving only to enhance the darkness
| of the passageways.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22

Not many months ago Mrs. Nv. Palmer,
Of Jonesville, VT, was apparently on the edge
Of the grave.
For months and months doctors had been
treating her for stomach and bowel trou-
bles which had seriously undermined her
health.
Instead Of improving, however, she be-
came worse. Her life was in danger.
Finally doctor advised her to Use Dr..
wiiliAms' Pink Pills for Pale People.
To-day MRS. Palmer owes her Lite to
the use Of these pills.
This marvellous restoration to health h
another proof Of the efficiency Of this world
renowned remedy.
In telling the story Of her life Mrs. Palmer
said, :,
"Two year, ago I was afflicted with
stomach and bowel trouble. My case pus-
sled the doctors.
!" After months and months Of treatment
instead Of seing with better health, wa
AT subsisted only on the aghtest kind o
Diet. My stomach would not retain sole
food.
"The pain in my stomach and bowel
was 50 intense that cannot describe II.
III consulted other doctors but none q
them could properly diagnose my case. j.
~ continued to grow worse. lost 4
pounds, my nerves were completely sna'
tered, and was very weak.
Fortunately in September DR.. Z. y
Jacobs, well Known practitioner OF Rief
mond called and advised ms to take -
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
The Very oddest Hobby.


Probably the strangest hobby in the
world is that of Henry Woodbridge of
Mayfield, KY, who devotes all his
money and time to developing his plot
in the local cemetery in way which
is as grotesque as it is, happily, orig
inal. His first modest and laudable
effort was to erect plain monument
to mark the family resting place. Not
satisfied with this, however, he added
to it white marble shaft bearing on
its face relief presentment Of him
self on horseback.
Having thus struck the personal
note, Uncle Henry" as he is famil.
iarly called, had life-sized statue OF
himself erected at a cost of $1,000. He
then introduced statues Of his mother
and eldest brother to be followed
shortly by similar statues in Indiana
limestone Of a favorite niece and of q
young girl who had brought him flow
ers during an illness.
His next ambition was to see him
self on horseback, and the family
gathering was augmented by life
size statue of Uncle Henry" on his
favorite horse. Then followed pre-
sentiments in stone Of his favoritt
deerhound, '"Tow Head" chasing {
deer; another of fox pursued by hi!
foxhound, Bob" and a marble sar
cophagus with carved representation
of his favorite gun.
The latest additions have beer
statues of three of his brothers in thu
stiffest poses and the most prosaic O.
dress. AS "Uncle Henry" although
rs years old, is still hale and NOR
enthusiastic than ever, 1t is certain
/ that this strange menagerie will re
! ceiye many more additions before h.
sleeps in the oldest environment witt
which eccentricity ever surrounded {
! dead man.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
Eject of Mus 49, Hair.

An English statiAs has recently
been engaged in an'6e s.nal task, that
Of studying the x3f1ence OF music on
the hair The Investigator establishes,
in the first place, that the proportion
Of bald persons is II per cent. for the
liberal professions in general, with the
exception OF physicians, who appear to
hold the record for badness, which is
80 per cent. Musical composers do
not form an exception to the rule and
badness is as frequent among them
as in the other professions. The cor
net-a-piston and the French horn act
with surprising surety and rapidity; but
the trombone is the depilatory instru-
ment par excellence. 1t will clear the
hair from ones head in five years. This
is what the author calls badness Of
the fanfares," which RACES with special
violence among regimental bands.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
wbere wive. Are i'm Demand.

Wives are wanted in Rhodesia. The
British South Africa Company is anx-
ious for active colonization. For
many years the Chartered Company
has discountenanced marriage among
the mounted police, civil servants and
other employees, measure for which
Cecil Hhodes, whose misogynist views
are we'll known, has been held re-
sponsible But this policy has been en-
tirely reversed, and an edict has gone
forth among the Chartered Company's
officials promising that preference in
promotion will be given to married men
and advising all who can do so to
enter forthwith into the bonds Of mat
rimony.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
Rubbing 1t in.

Nodd-You say your baby doesn't
walk vet? Mine, does. Same age
TOO. Your baby cut his teeth yet!
Todd-No.
Nodd-Mine has. all of them. Your
oaby talk?
Todd-Not yet, can yours?
Nodd-Great Scott. yes.
Todd tdesperately)-Does he shave
himself or 20 to BARRIERS?
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
Novel Automobile.

A particularly novel type of auto
nal as light and gracefully constructed,
is shown in the illustration, which rep
resents combination coupe and motor
tricycle.. The motor cycle is detacha-
BILE from the carriage and can be rid
den by itself, but when attached as
shown it serves the purpose of horse
The groom or footman is supposed to
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
Deanttion not by web,ter.


Tangent-A gent" who runs tan
yard.
Dust-Mud with the juice squeezed
out.
Irony-The caustic wit of the laun-
dry.
Jaw-bone-The original bone of con-
tention.
Conchologist-A man who opens oys-
tiers in the market.
vanity-A magic glass that makes a
chrome look like an oil painting.
Bananarchist-A person who scatters
banana skins around promiscuously.
Conservatism-The halfway place
where antagonists meet and talk and
settle nothing.
Dr-The meaning depends altogeth-
er upon whether it is placed before OF
after a mans name.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22


The sympathetic women who were
visiting the Jail were deeply impressed
by the good-looking young man in one
of the second tier of cells.
you do not look like guilty man."
said one Of the boldest Of them as she
stepped up to his cell, "but the guard
tells me that you already have been
convicted. To what, may l ask, do
you attribute your - your-misfor-
tuner"
ITO my early training when child
he replied.
Poor fellow!" she said. sympath-
etically. How much ignorant or
careless parents have to answer for in
this world! What particular feature
Of your early training do you think
had the effect of bringing you here?''
Learning to write"
She was still wondering what the
poor fellow could mean, when the jail
er suggested:
Hes up for forgery, you know"
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
think l should like it for eternity"
why He Fled,

what made Kladderfleisch In such
a hurry to get out of Germany"
He happened to bear a close re-
semblance in personal appearance to
the Emperor William" i.
There was no harm In that"
mo. but there came a boil on the
end of his nose one day, and he was
afraid of being arrested for leze-ma-
ieSty"
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22

'Is there such a thing as luck?" asks
a correspondent. There is. For in
stance. if you go home at two o'clock
in the morning, after promising your
wife to be in early, and find her asleep.
and don't tumble over any chairs,
that's luck. but 1t isn't to be depended
on.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
THE KANGAROO RAT.

in Belmont, Mass. He was caught In
a trap set by Mr.. HARRISON. poulter-
er, whose small chickens had been dis
appearing at a rate depressing to his
thrift.
Instead of walking about in proper
four-legged way, the rat hoped from
place to place. Investigation showed
that its two front legs were missing
and post-mortem showed that the raj
had been born minus forelegs and had
to hop his way through all his chicken
eating life.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
The Curious Heather.

your religion" asked the intelli-
gent heather, commands you to love
your neighbor as yourself?"
Exactly" answered the missionary.
Il do not err, then, in presuming
that you have invented all those long
range, rapid-ire guns to prevent the
obnoxious stranger from approaching
close enough to be deemed neigh
bor."
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22

"You belong to what they call the
employing class, do your" asked the
party with the large voice.
Yes, SIR responded the party with
the double chin.
"And you have large number OF
people in your employ, suppose?"
"Yes."
Some of them minors. too, Of
course
Yes
That's what l thought I'll bet a
hundred dollars you run a sweatshop."
well. hardly. run an icehouse."
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
A Military swimming school.

The German army has a swimming
school for troops. where every one
must learn to swim. The best swim
mers are able to cross stream of
several hundred yards width, even
when carrying their clothing, rifle and
ammunition.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
THE FOG DISBELIEF.
AN INVENTION WHICH 1T Is CLAIMED
WILL DISPEL FO0S.

A Stream Of An Is Forced Out OF Tube
in Such a Way as to Bore . Hole Through
the Fog-By the Use oft Pilots Can Pic6
Up Buoys in Foggy Weather.
The latest invention Is a fog dis
peller. The apparatus consists OF 81
horizontal outlook pipe eight feet In
length and eight inches in diameter,
At the mouth Of the tube Is q wide
flange; the rear end is covered with,
thick disc of glass. About two feet
from the rear end pipe enters the
tube from below. at an obtuse angle
with the forward section.
This connection is made through a.
sort of turntable, which permits the
outlook tube to be- pointed in any d.
rection desired, up or down, from one
side to the other. The pipe below con-
meets with blower down in the vessel.
When the dispeller is in use, the
blower sends powerful stream OF cir
up through the pipe into the tube, and
the current hurtles into the fog, Dor,
ing hole through it, as it were.
The action of the suspended moisture
is twofold. The fog is rolled back In
every direction, the high pressure OF
the blast produces cooling influence,
the moisture in suspension condenses
and falls in rain. A great cone OF
clear atmosphere, with its apex at the
mouth of the tube, results.
The eye of the pilot Is at the glass
at the rear of the tube, and he gazes
| into the bowels OF the fog. With Its
aid pilot can readily pick up his
buoys in a fog, and keep an eye out
| for vessels ahead.
With powerful blower, the invent
| or hopes to make the fog dispeller use
full at 1000 feet.
| No claims is made that the dispeller
would be practical except when the
vessel is going at slow rate of speed
which is customary when there is fog
gy weather.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
Tattooed Royalty.

Foreign gossip says that Queen d.
ga of Greece has an anchor tattooed on
her shoulder as a token of her affec-
ton for her father, the late Grand
Duke Constantine Of Russia, and that
Princess Waldmar of Denmark, wife
of the sailor son OF King Christian, is
also marked in like fashion, with the
addition of crown.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
New Industry in Virginia.

A new industry in this country is to
be established near Norfolk, Va. 1t is
an institution for extracting the oil
from peanuts. The prospectus Of the
company announces that the product
from five tons of peanuts will be 225
gallons of oil. worth SO cents gal
Ion; 8, $50 pounds OF peanut -four,
worth 2 cents a pound, and $3.50
pounds OF meal for stock feed, worth
60 cents per 100 pounds, which will
make the value of the product $3.50 for
each days operations.
The peanut flour is used for making
bread cakes, ETC., which are used in
some of the hospitals in Europe. 1t Is
claimed that much of the CASTLE soar
Of commerce is made from the oil OF
the peanut, and to that purpose the
product of the Virginia mill will be
devoted.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22

COMBINATION COUPE AND TRICYCLE..
sit in the motor tricycle. saddle and to
start the combination by two or three
turns OF the pedals, after which the
petroleum. driven motor attached to the
rear of the tricycles develops sufficient
power to propel the cab without any
further assistance. The oil reservoir
will hold a sufficient quantity Of oil
to carry the cab between fifty and six
ty miles. The cab is said to hold two
persons comfortably.
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
A Preference.

VCHICdSU IteCOIuJ
"I told Bobby l punished him be-
cause loved him."
How did that impress him?"
"He said he wished I wouldn't love
him any more"
The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1898-07-22
A serions Defect.

mo, SIR" said Simpson. mo horse
less carriage for me-"
why not?" he was asked.
you can't hire your best girls bad
brother to go out and hold the pesky
thing"