The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1898-05-26
MIR. DOOLEY AGAIN.
This Time the Irish Humorist of the
Chicago Journal Talks of APP
pointmentS.
tFrom the Chicago Journal

IFTOIn the Cn1CdSO JOuTnd4.J
''WeIl SIR" said Mr.. Dooley, 81 didn't
vote FIR Mack, but I'm with him now. I
had me doubts whether he was tn
gr-reatest military JANUS iv tn cinchry,
but they Sc no question about it. We
go into this war, if we liver do go into
it, with tn most fash'nab1e ARMY that
liver creased it's pants. Twill be dali
ly hint firm Paris to tn crool foe.
"Other gin'ra1s iv tn trough house
kind like Napoleon Bonypart, tn i'm
pror iv tn Frinch, Gln'rel Ulis s. Grant,
an Cousin George Dooley, hired coarse,
rude men that Wudden't know tn diff
renee between goluf and crokay, and
had their pants tucked in their boots
and chewed tobacco be tn pound.
Thank hivin, Mckinley knows betther
thin to sind tn likes iv thin abroad to
shock our friends be dumpin their
coffee into thimsilves firm a saucer.
9TH door bell rings an a futman in
1iv'ry says: I'm Master Willie DooSel-
bery's man and he comes to be exam
ined FIR tn army says he. Admit
him. says Mckinley, an Master Willie
inters, accompanied be his val-lay, his
nah an pah an tn comfy iv tn goluf
club. Willie says the president, we
ARE fnthering upon a gIoryous career,
an it's nic'ssry that ye Shud be thurly
examined so that We can teach tn glo-
ries iv civilization to tn tyr-ranies iv
Europe that is supported be ye'er pah
an man. he says. ''Twud be a turr BILE
thing he says, if some day they shud
meet a Spanish gfn'ra1 in Aahdrid an
have him say to thin: I see ye'er son
Willie durin' tn war wearin a stove
pipe hat an tan shoes Let US begin
tn examination he says. tAr-re We a
good goluf player?' I am says Willie.
Thin I appint We a liftnant. What we
need in tn ARMY is good goluf play
ers,' he says. In our former war; he
says, we had tn misfortune to have
men in command that didn't know tn
diff renee between a go1uf stick an a
beecyle, an what was tn raysult? We
fooled our approach at Bull R-run,'
no 1I0fNV- 5xro
clubs?' he says. Four says Willie.
Thin I make We a major he says.
Where dye get ye'er pants?' he says.
Firm England says Willie. 'Gloryous,'
says Mckinley, I make we a colonel
he says. Let me thry we in tactics he
sas. Suppose We was confronted be a
Spanish ARMY in tn afthernoon, how
wud We dhress?' he says. I'd wear a
an lavender pants says Willie AN
if tn attack was be night?' he says.
I'd put on me dhress shoot an go out
to meet thim,' says Willie. a thuro
sojer,' says Mckinley. Suppose tn So
cable lasted all night?' he says I'd
sound tn retreat at daybreak an have
to suitable appar'l,' he says Master
ly, says Mckinley. I will sind ye'er
name in as brigadier-g in'ral,' he SAYS.
Thank Gawd, tn r-rich,' he says, is
brave an pathriotic,' he says. 'Ye will
jine tn other boys firm tn club at
Tampa he says. Ye shud be careful
iv yeer equipment he says. L have
almost iv'rything r-ready,' says Willie.
Me man attinded to thin Details he
says. But I fear I can't go to tn
fr-ront immejetly,' he says. Me pink
silk pijammas hasn't arrived he says.
'Wen,' says Mack, wait FIR thim,' he
says. I'm anxious FIR to ind this
horrible war; he says, which has cost
me nanny a sleepy night he says, but
'twud be crime FIR to sind a sojer un-
prepared to battle he says. Wait
FIR tn pijammaS,' he says. Thin on
to war; he says, AN let ye'er watch
word be: 'Ramimber ye'er Manners he
says.
50 'They'se a man out here says TIL
privit sicrity, that wants to see ye,' he
says Hes a Trough lookin' charack-
ter that was in the 500 war; he says.
His name is Gin'ral Fiteum,' he says.
Throw tn stiff OUT says Mack 7
seen him in Pennsylvania avnoo yister-
dab r-ridin' in a sthreet ca-ar' he says.
All, Willie me boy he says, Its little
We know what trouble / have firm these
vulgar sojers with pants that bags at
tn knees. Give me a gold-tipped ci-
garet an tell me whether shirt waists
is much worn in New York this year.
"Yis, Hinnissy, We'll put tn fastest
ARMY in the tn field that liver come