davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
FUN in THE FooTNoTE.
A Popular Librettist Couldn't withhold q
Joke on Prospective Bride

A Popular Lfbrettist Couldn't Withhold
Joke on Prospective Bride.
". S. Gilbert does not retain all Of
his humor FOR use in his librettos.
In the early days Of his success. when
Gilbert and Sullivan We're considered
tv managers as the sure winners in
the comic opera field. young woman
who was a member Of one OF the " Pima
fore" companies wrote to Gilbert tell
ing him of Der approaching marriage
with a yonng man of good position and
family
Gnbert congratulated the young wo-
man and expressed the hope that her fu-
ture might be prosperous and happy.
Only ,ittle more than month pass
ed. ard another letter from the same
girl reached him, in which she stated
that her engagement with the young
man had been broken and that she had
accepted another suitor.
10 replied that he had every conf
dence in her Judgment and again ex-
pressed his hearty wishes for her vel
fare.
1t was almost two months after tnat
that Gilbert received a third letter from
the same girl, who informed him that
young Lord - had proposed and that
she had accepted him after breaking
her engagement with No. ?
Gilbert's humor could no longer
withstand the temptation, and he wrote,
Il desire to congratulate you on your
approaching marriage with Here he
placed an asterisk and in footnote
added:
Here insert the name Of the happy
man "
This is probably as Characteristic a
piece of humor as any that appears in
his Bah Ballads" CT in bis works for
the stage. New York Press.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
wopderful pumrinr Engines.

The standard attained by the per
formanoe Of modern pumping engines is
pretty high, az was illustrated by an
incident which occurred not long ago
here IN New York. where some large
pumping engines that had recently been
set up and were working at rather high
speed and almost absolutely without
noise were inspected by an expert IN
such matters who hailed from an inte-
riur city. He remarked. e Well. those
engines work very nicely now, but wait
until you get to pumping water at that
speed and then Won viii hear something
from them probably.
His astonisbment may perhaps be i'm
agined when it was demonstrated TO
him that they We're at that moment
pumping water and had been eontinu-
ously doing so for as honrs.-American
Machiuist
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30

a Scottish paper tells a story Of an
old Scottish woman who was "unco
drouthie, I" without the money to buy
"a drappie " "Lassie, " she said to her
little granddaughter, 'gang round to
Donald McCallum and bring me a gill
Tell him I'll pay him i the morning.
Back came the child with a refusal
Donald declined to part with his whisky
without the cash. Eager and irritated,
the old woman cast about for some
means Of raising the wind, and her
eye fell upon the family Bible. Here.
Iassie, she said. "gio him this and
tell him to okeepit until bring him the
siller " on went the little girl. but she
soon returned, still carrying the Bible
Donald was obaurate.
He says he maun hse the baubee
first. granny
In anger the disappointed grandmc:
er threw up her hands and exrlaiu
"l,osh. did onybody osCT Esar tie
O thatI The man viii neither Ia.
word nor the word O. God for a gill
whusky r.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
The AntiS uity of Glass.

Glass hes hem employed. We know,
botn for decorative and domestic pur-
roses since TIE dawn Of civilization.
The earliest remains date from Egypt
SO64 B. c. and are preserved in the
British museum. II is an amulet, in the
form of a liun's head Of Opaque blue
color, with hieroglyphics that determine
its date On the rock cut tombs of the
metropolis Of Memphis glass blowers
We're depicted as early as 5000 B. G.
Stories a-e told by Pliny, Josephus and
other wit IS 10 account for its discoy-
Iry, but sc are very doubtful, 50 that
we have y TO rely upon facts attested
by actG. 'nlains.
The diz~5veTy was doubtless fortui-
tons. SrcA lucky finds are often the
work Of chance When it occurred. We
cannot de;t rhine; but, so far as we
know, Egypt. as she was the germ of
all civilization, was also the mother Of
this art, which she applied TO multi
tuae of purposes. strangely excepting
that which we deem most necessary
namely. to admit light into buildings.
The dwellers by the Nile handed
down the art TO the Phenicians, who
in like manner bequesthed it to the As
syrians Then it was passed along to
the Persians and the Greeks, then to
the Romans and the Byzantines, who
in turn communicated it TO the Vene-
tians The monks of the middle ages
appropriated it TO beautify their Gothic
temples, and so it came down the eentu-
ries to modern times Frank H. Vie
telly in WoInau's Home Companion.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
wh.n Hanrrr In chlnA.

There was painful lack Of variety
Z our food. Men dying Of thirst spend
their last hour in thinking Of iced
champagne, sherry cobblers. cocktails
aud drafts Of beer, whiskies and sodas.
dead horses heads or whatever their
particular beverage may be. We gas
Economically fooled ourSelses TO the top
Of our bent Il think, one would say,
when we get to the Hotel de Paris to
night we'll have a nice little French
dinner Of six COURSES, with coffee and
green chartreuse 10 wind up With. "
well. another would remark, Il
should be cnutent with some soup. a
little fish, slice Of beef and some tart
s'Chops and tomato sauce for me, muir
INJURED a third, oblivious Of the fact
that befeIl Mr. Pickwick. who had a
similar desire.
Then we would reach Shiny. be-
grimed village, creep into smelling
hut and make our dinner of pork and
rice, or rice and pork when we desired
TO vary the menu. But one night, at
spot called Taiping-pu. when we called
for the perennial pork we were inform
ed we could not he supplied No
pork. we exclaimed, ''no pork in
Chinai Why. Cinnamon are three parts
pork. Then we were told we were in
a Mussnlman village. where swine were
an abomination, but we could have salt
beef We jumped joyfully at the salt
beef, so called, though we knew per
fectly well it was nothing else but stale
Improbable, sinewy wild goat.-Travel
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
All Around the Farm.


Onions, TO keep well, must be per
fectly cured and dry, with top and root
ali perished away. They will keep
best in dry, cool room safe from freez-
ing, or, when once slightly frozen, by
being kept frozen Never put in bar
rels OF in deep boxes or bins. Shallow
open crates are all right. If you have
some dry room not much subjected to
sudden changes of temperature il may
be utilized for storing onions. Spread
them on the floor, say six or eight
inches deep; leave them there Until
frozen, then cover deeply with straw
or similar material and keep them
frozen Do not handle until they
have gradually thawed out again
Farm and Fireside.
WI lie the roller is good implement
for fining and smoothing the surface
soil it can very rarely be used effective
~ after winter grain is sown. Almost
all farmers agree that if soil is heavy it
will produce better crops of winter
grain if the soil is left rough af;er it is
seeded. All the Jumps are dissolved by
water freezing, and they furnish the
fine, rich dust that is needed to fail
upon the roots as they have been lifted
up by frost The only conditions hen
rolling is helpful to winter grain
are when the soil is light and liable 20
blow away in winter. In such case the
rolling should be done as soon as the
grain is sown. 1t will pack the light
soil around the roots, and thus cause
wheat to make enough growth so ss 10
partially protect itself from winter kill
ing, and will ssen the effects ofwinds
in blowing away surface soil.-Ameri
can Cultivator.
The Shire horse is one of the deserv-
edly popular horse breeds, whose ORR
gin is believed to date back to the old
Norman war horses. Although we
now know it as the Shire, name that
it will probably always retain, it is
nevertheless fact that 20 years ago it
came very near losing the name. The
designation is due to the fact that the
animal is a cart horse that comes from
that portion of England known as
''Tbe Shires-" A couple of decades
ago, when the Stud Book was establish
ed, although the horse wss perhaps
better known by the name Shire than
any other, large number of horsmen
wanted I" call il the "Old English"
breed. Those favo-.ng the name Shire
however, were just little too strong
for the "Old English" horsemen, and
Shire it is.-Indisna Farmer.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
a Treasure.

A clergyman who was interested in
every member of his rural flock and
who did all he could to promote the
happiness of his charge called on
pious farmer who had caused sensa-
ton by preventing the marriage of one
of his daughters to a worthy young
man. His object was not to secure a
fee, but to make his young friends
happy.
Is not the young man worthy and
well to do?' he asked.
oh, yes replied the old man, testi-
~. Hes good man."
"And is not your daughter old enough
to be allowed to marry ?"
"Yes, yes. She is s2 p ST. But you
don't understsnd. She's the only one
of my women folks that understands
how TO feed calves right in the spring,
aud II she leaves me III have to 20
back TO raising hogs, AMI the botioni
has fallen out Of the pIice Of pork ~
New York Void.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30

The ordinary seaman respect lor
rank aud station when not connected
with his beloved vessel is decidedly
nieacer. When the president Of the
United States visits one of our men-of-
war. he Is received at the gangway by
the admiral, commanding officer and ali
If the officers of the ship. in full uni
form. the crew at quarters for inspec-
non, the marine guard drawn up with
the band on the quarterback, the ma
tional flag Is displayed at the main, the
drummer gives four rufies, the band
plays the national air and salute Of
p guns is fired. The same ceremony
also takes place ON his leaving.
ON one occasion the president visited
one of tine ships informally. dispensing
with the salute and ceremony, when
one of the men rather Indignantly ask
cd another who that lubber was on the
quarterback that didn't 'douse his
peak" TO the commodore.
Choke your luff, viii you, was
the reply. that's the president Of the
United states.
Well. amt he got manners enough
70 salute the quarterback, if he ISL
Manners, What does he know about
manners: don't suppose he was ever
out of sight of land in his life. " ''On
a Man-o war
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
CONTRASTS IN NAPLES.
only = step From Royal MaEnIscence 70
Crowds of HaIf Naked Workers

Crowds of HaIf Naked Workers.
One of the strangest contrasts in Ma
pIes is to walk from the royal palace,
with its fine marble staircase, up the
new Corse Re d'Ifalia and to climb in
TO the steep street. around the Church
Of San Soverino Sosio.
These streets are the dwelling places
Of the Overs. and one steps from regal
msgnificence into crowd of seminaked
peopis. who are bnsily dipping great
hanks of cotton OF wool into seetbing
calarons. As elsewhere, the work Is car
ried ON in the street. and little streams
Of water-red. yellow. brown and black
pour over the rough stones and gath
or in multicolored POOLS while on low
benches against the walls women are
washing clothes, standing in the dirty,
soapy water that splashes over from
their tubs
The passersby walk heeilessly through
the tlve and sOapsuds. while the chill
dren find pleasant occupation in throw
ing mud Of every variety of color at
anybody who chances to be wearing
light c0lored garments IL is Vsritaole
feast Of color from the merely spectac1-
lar point Of view, but visit to these
streets leaves bodily as well as a
mental impression.
Very often in the depths Of these sor-
did alleys one comes across a forgotten
old palace. built when carriages were
unknown. its great court Of honor
crowded with booths, its vast halls NIL
ed with a heterogeneous collection OF
men. women and children, fowls, goats,
sheen aud occasionally donkey, all
living together in the happiest proxim-
ity. The massive old walls are hidden
beneath centuries Of dirt; the wood
work has, for the most part, disappear
ed: the rooms that once knew the reyels
of Angeviu mobiles now shelter the hap
hazard existence Of lazzaroni--Lud-
rafa
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30

The action Of poisons upon the system
is and always has been one of tbs most
interesting Of subjects Just how and
why it kills has been determined through
a series Of experiments made by scien
lists The following description is IN
questiOnably the best and most lucid Of
any that has been given to the public
The venom may be roughly separated
into two parts-one acting upon the
blood. and the other upon the nerves
When injected. it Immediately begins
to create terrible destruction in the
b-ooi vessels. the walls Of the veins are
eaten away and an internal hemorrhage
takes place While this is going on a
portion Of the venom is attacking the
nerves Particularly susceptible TO its
rayages is the 'vasomotor' system. a
nerve center which controls the muscles
of respiration. Paralysis takes place in
these organs, and the victim generally
dies from an inability TO breathe. -
New York Ledger.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
AFeHANIsTAN vENDETTAs.
Nov Deadly Blood Feuds Are wAged In
the Rhyber Pass-

How Deadly Blood Feuds Are WAged In
the Rhyber Pass.
Duriug the tire | have been in In
dia. writes a soldier correspondent, the
most interesting period was when was
stationed on duty for three months some
years hack in Landikotal, ON the Al
s.banistsn side of the far famed Khyber
uass Here was able to forcibly real
ize the meaning Of vendetta, as the
characteristic blood feuds Of tie Afridis
ara quaint and interesting.
The pass itself Is a neutral zone be
tween India and Afghanistan, but we ex-
crcise cur dominion over the road that
winds its Way for q miles through the
narrow valley Here, as elsewhere IN
Afghanistan, blood feuds are recog-
nized institution among the tribes and
last through generations, the dishonor
resting with that family who last sui
fered from some defeat or treacherous
murder.
When an encounter occurs between
two tribes occupying settlements on op-
rosite sides Of the road mentioned, one
OF other must cross II before commenc-
ing firing, as firing across the road Is
prohibited, but On either side they can
exercise their friendly feelings toward
each other without hindrance.
But still quainter is it when the
fends are between close neighbors Each
family, with near relations. occupies
number Of mud huts, iDclOsed IN
square surrounded by a thick, high wall
If mud. stone and wood At one corner
If these squares is built a watch tower
80 feet high. where the family marks
man takes his position and playfully
picks of any unfortunate who shows
himself in the next square. Constltn-
tionals are therefore confined ON both
sides and limited to nightly prowls.-
Strand Magazine.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
rlural. Of Neup. Enalnr 10 .o.-

In the formation Of the plural Of
nouns with TINS ending the general
Iule is that es is added 10 tho singular,
a. in potatoes cargoes, buffaloes, yet
the following words add only s: Grotto.
Junto, cante. cento, quarto portico,
octave. dnodecimo, tyrO, solo Gall, by
the bye, foreign words, and also all
nouns ending in 10. as folio, folios; or.
IN fact, whenever q is Immediately pre-
coded by vowel, as cameo. embryo,
etc. a notable popularity is TO be OBJ
served with regard 70 nouns substantive
ending with the sound of o If they be
words Of more than one syllable, they
Tor the most part end simply in o, but
If only Of enc syllable, they take an e
after the o, thus, canto, potato, quarto.
nero, but doe, foe. roe. slOe, toe, woe.
etc. Yet other monosyl yllables, not nouns
substantive, have no final e, as so. 10.
un.-Literature of Typography
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30

Mrs De Gadd- i heard the awfullest
things about Mr.. De Good today. They
say be steals the church funds
Mr. De G.-Nonsense.
''Oh, I've no doubt it's true. Mrs
Versgood, that horrid young widow,
you know, seems to be infatuated with
hiIc, and ] shouldn't wonder a bit if
til e ] pawn the communion service for
dal outfit BY tine way, Mrs Fine
81 has not been out of the house for a
<, and people think her husband
been beating her, but that isn't a
circumstance to tho way they talk about
Mrs Highmind l saw her on the street
today. and she said she felt sick, but
most likely she'd been on an opium de-
bauch. She has her husbands S collars
and cuffs washed at Chinese laundry.
and she's been seen TO go there for them
herself. Oh, she's a terrorl Mrs. High
ups husband has been away for two
weeks. and I've got my opinion about
it too People say Mrs Tiptop's hired
girl left two weeks ago. the very day
Mr.. -
"See herei Where did you hear all
thiss"
I've been out collecting money for
the heathen New York Weekly
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
AToUcHY OLD COMMODORE.
Insisted on Running His Own Man-of---al
Even on Snndays.


Even on Sundays
a story is told Of an old commodore
at the Boston yard whose method Of
measuring religious affairs was with
the same inexorable rule used for tenn
poral things One Sunday morning he
was aroused from his nap by something
ont of the usual routine being announc-
ed from the pulpit. and he sternly ad-
dressed the chaplain with: What's
thatf What's that!" The chaplain de-
murely repeated the notice that ''by or
der of the bishop Of the diocese divine
service will be performed in this chapel
on Thursday evening next, etc
by whose ordert"
by order OF the bishop of the do
cese. sir.
well, thundered the commodore,
''I'll let you know that am bishop of
this diocese, and when want service
in this chapel I'll let you know Pipe
down, - and he cleared the chapel
On one occasion he heard different
voice in the pulpit from usual, and,
looking up, he asked: "Who is that up
there? Is that you. Billy McMastersG'
''Yes. sir.
BILLY was religious foreman in the
yard who sometimes helped the chap
lain alongD
Come down ont of that, Numbered
the commodore When | want relief
for the chaplain, I'll appoint one Don't
you ever let me catch you up there
again, and he cleared the chapel
again -"On a Man-of- War +"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
High Priced Game.

SrROUDsBURG. November II. Doctor
Frederick, a Philadelphia physician, who
was cunning recently in Pike county,
paid dearly for inability to discriminate
between wild turkeys and the domestica-
ted birds. Becoming separated from the
party with which he was traInping the
wilds of Pike. the Doctor came upon a
flock of what he supposed 10 be wild tur-
keys The birds did not fly, and be fired
repeatedly at them. His friends hurried
to the scene, and the Doctor exultanfly
pointed TO the heap of seven birds which
had fallen as the result Of his prowess.
The turkeys belonged to Farmer Noack
who promptly had Frederick arrested.
Before Justice Clark he paid so and costs
for his mistake.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
TILTINe TIE eARTH.
. Natter Of Scientific Interest. II Not Of
Practical Value.


NJ Fonche, the vice president Of the
French Astronomical society. has IN
vented a way of altering the present in.
cIination Of the earth's axis to the
ecliptic What he wants to 90 i for is
not very clear. Perhaps however. he
doesn't want to do it and merely puts
forward his method as one possessing a
purely academic interest. At all events.
it is worthy OF the attention of cciB-
pany promoters
All that has O be done. as described
by Invention. is to dig an enormous cir
crlar ditch. say. in Africa or Soath
America tits center must be ON the
equator) and 20 fill it with sea water
Fresh water will do if you can get
enough Of it. but as the radius Of the
ditch is to be few hundred miles that
is hardly likely Having got your ditch
full Of SEA water. nothing remains but
70 make il race round aud round IN the
trench, whereupon the earth s axis viii
begin to point toward different quarters
Of the heavens from those it indicates
at present The amount of deviation
Will depend en- the radius OF the ditch,
the amount Of water it holds. the speed
at which the latter moves and the time
during which the motion is kept up
We may suggest TO NJ. Fonche that
when sufficient sphere of French in
fluence has been secured in Africa he
might have trench dug and then by
its use get all the ice melted round each
of the present poles French explorers
could then discover them, whereupon
the action of the trench would be stop
ped and the present climatic conditions
restored Franco could then remain as
long as she wished the only nation TO
have reached the celebrated points On
the earth's surface AS the digging If
the ditch viii be very expensive we
make no charge for this suggestion
Invention
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
The Decay Of the Dandy.

Brummel went to prison for debt
but came cut again TO resume his fop-
peries. His friends made him a small
allowance of el2O per annum-equal at
Caen to e3O0-but he could not be ex-
pected to live Oh such pittanee When
be had not francs in the world, he
would order boot polish at o francs a
bottle from Paris and call the trades
man who supplied it "a scoundrel" for
veuturing 10 ask for his money. In the
end his intellect gave way. He lost his
memory and much Of his little mind.
lie grew slovenly and careless, yet to
the last clung to his can dc cologne and
some other luxuIies Finally, his mind
al gone, he was removed to a charity
hospital, being now reduced TO the ut
most impOyerishment and content to
change his linen once a month, instead
Of three times a day. as Of old. Here he
died, under the care of sisters of chari-
ty, on March 80. 1870. Thus ended the
striking career Of perhaps the most
worthless fop whcm history records, his
death being a fitting termination TO his
useless life. -Lippincott's-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30
Carnegie Sees Dangers.

NEW YORK, November 20. Andrew
Carnegie. in q signed letter to the World,
repeats his argument against territorial
expansion. The recent statement of Sec
retary Gage that he had been converted
ID the policy of expansion is discussed by
Mr.. Carnegie. and he claims that the Sec
retary. never having exported or manu-
factnred, can not be considered an author
ity upon question involving both inter
ests. The annexation of the Philippines,
Mr.. Carnegie contends, viii cause friction
bstween the United States and Great Brit
ain, Germany ana Japan over matters OF
trade, possibly resulting in war. If the
President throws the Philippine trade
open 20 sll other nations, he will antag-
oh'zs American labor. If he excludes
other nations 10y means Of high tariff. he
autagonizes the whole of Europe. and has
war upon his hands to certainty-this
time no weak Spain 70 deal with, but the
overwhelming naval power of Ed rope.
Mr.. Carnegie thinks every member of the
Cabinet and the President as well. should
declare themselves upon this question
and set at rest the uncertainty now ex-
isting.
Mr.. Carnegie last night sent telegram
to Boston to the organizers Of the move
ment agsins; the annexation Of the Phil
ippines, stating that he had mailed q
check for $1,000 10 aid the undertaking.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-11-30

For some time previous 70 the day
upon which the great Chilean earth
quake occurred swarms of crabs of an
,snknOwn variety were seen in the bay
of Payta They all appeared to be
greatly excited and were literally climb
ing over each other IN their efforts TO
escape the impending calamity. There
Were millions of them, and ''ten days
after the earthquake the dead crabs
were thrown upon the beach in wall
line feet or 4 feet wide along the
whole extent Of the bay