The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1898-08-28
HIS LAST TRIP.
wa1 MARK Tssafns Ceased tn Re
River PiIGf

fffen The ST Louis Giobe-Democratl
| Aoc'It the only man that ever knew
- tesTs me river and go to wiring
ecoks. said the man at the wheel direct
Ing mis- observations at the usual crowd
hat gathered about him in rhe pilot
| house. Was Sam Clemens They say he's
! pretty Tleh now, but l understand he new
r runs across an old chum without swap
ping a few lies with him and paying for
/ the drinks Sam never got 10 be much of
: pilot himself. but used TO know all OF
/ Them, and write them up in the papers
DETER than anybody ever could. He was
/ about as green a looking creature as ever
/ came from Pike county, when he was on
the old Blue Bird. way back in the SOS.
and to look at him you would have
thought he wasn't worth sweeping up, but
he could write then till you couldn't rest.
and some Of the funniest things that ever
was printed about the river were gotten
up by Sam
The first thing that I remember of his
that set everybody talking and wonder
ing who that boss yarn teller, Mark
I Twain, was. was that account about the
great flood in the Mississippi. in early
Z
thing. and VicksbUrg and Natchez were
the only dry spots between Cairo and the
gulf At Orleans the boat landed along
side of the top story Of the St. Charles
Hotel. Well, of course, that was the boss
flood and nobody could talk of old-tiTne
boating like that; and so, Clemens got TO
be too big a man to stay on the river,
and. as l said. he quit and went TO writ
ing books. But he wasn't much of pilot
ind In rFar
and when he was at the wheel he was al
ways running over something and getting
the boat into trouble.
He would just as like as not go sound
asleep on watch. and run the boat INTO
the bank head on. if you didn't keep a
watch on him. and if there was snas
to be found he would go miles out of his
way just 10 get a whack at II. and he
was never happy unless he was bouncing
something. Why, you would think he
was getting the biggest kind of wages
from the Government to just clear the
river of snagS, If you'd see how he
hustled them out of the way But that
wasn't the worst of it. for sometimes he
would lose his bearing and get lost in
SIDE streams and 1t would cost the cap
tain half he would make on the trip 10
get back 10 the Mississippi
ssOne day the old Blue Bird-that was
the last boat he steered on-gOt to racing
with the Yellow Hammer. Wabash
naeket. and as the water was pretty
high. Sam thought ne would show OF by
running chute and coming out two or
three miles ahead. Well, in he goes. full
tilt picking his way through the timber
and keeping his eyes On the limbs that
reached near to the chimneys, so as not
to get them knocked overheard. The Bird
was Just flying through the woods. and
sam he was a sweating like bound
Nrr-l- ring Ar1FI
inst ought to have seen IL spin; you'd
have thought 70 look at Sam that he was
at last doing some diamond breastp.n
plotting And 1 reckon for a spell ne
fhought-he was but in about two hours
the mate he comes on deck. for. as Il was
the second watch. the captain was
as,eep. and says to Sam as how he
thought the Bird was going to Memphis
that trip.
That's where were going says
Sam. as soon as he could gather wind
enough to speak
Making side run 10 Jacksonport,
eh2 says the mate
Haven't heard Of IT says Sam
Haven't. eh?' says the mate. looking
at him curious like
No says Sam. pulling the wheel
hard down. so as to bring the boat round
short turn.
Then. what on earth are you doing
in White RiverT says the mate
In White River?' says Sam. turning
white about the giIls. and shaking like he
had chill.
That's where we are says the mate.
and you are twenty miles from the mouth
at that
oh. MY, says Sam I thought I was
in a chute
Well says the mate. you'd better
turn this boat around and shoot out OF
here before the Old man gets up. or
you'll be looking for a skiff to get back
to the Mississippi, Do you hear me2'
Then Sam he turns the Bird around.
and hollers down to the engineer. Jack.
If you love me, give her steam
"Weii. the mate kind OF liked Sam fo-
his funny yarns. so he kept it all from
the old man till the boat got back to
Orleans, when Sam quit. and that was the
last of his plotting"