West Virginia daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1894-1902, 1898-09-20
NEW WAR IlUMORIST.
Mr.. DOOLEY PAYS HIS RESpECTS TO
TIE ARMY.

Whin G;n'raI I.ics Gito Els New Uni
forsns and Eis Ticthcrs Took, To VIII
Cr-rush tn Spanish wish wSu Blow
Bigger Than tn Zig Wind In Ii land
"Wcll. Mr.. Ecnnessy asked, "how
goes tn WARP
splendid, thank yc," said Mr. Doo-
ley. '"Fiuo; fine. 1t makes me hear-r
throb with pride that I'm citizen iN
tn Sixth wa-ard."
Has tn ar riny started FIR Cuba YETI"
IVAN ARMY, says We? Twinty! Las
Chooslah an advance ARMY iv wan
hundherd au twinty thousand men land.
ed firm tn Gussie, with tin thousand
cannons hurlin projicktyles weighin
eight hundherd pounds sivintcen miles.
WinSdah night second ARMY iv in.
Jineers, miners, plumbers an lawn ten
nis experts, numberin in all four hun
dherd an eighty thousand men, ARMED
with death dealin canned COOKS, was
hurried to Havana to storm tn city.
Thursdah mornin three thousand full
rigimints ivr-rough r-riders swun their
horses acrost to Matoonzas an afther
spirited Dattle captured tn Rainy
Christiny golf links two up an hell te
play, an will hold thin ag'in all COM
Crs. TIL same afthernoon tn regular
cavalry -sistin iv four hundherd an
Nght thousand well mounted men, was
"aded aboard tn tug Lucy J an depart
M on their earend iv death amid tn
cheers iv eight millyon sojers left be
hind ut Chickamauga. These cavalry Ia
cooperate with Commodore Schlow. al
whin he desthroys tn Spanish fleet, as
ne docs iSry Sundah an holy day except
IN Lent an finds out where they ar-rc
an desthroys thin, afther batterin down
tn forts where they ARE concealed SO
that he can't see Shim but thinks they
ARE on their way FIR to fight Cousin
George Dooley, tn cavalry will make
dash back to Tampa, where Giu'ral
Miles is preparin to desthroy tn Span
ish at wan blow-an he's tn boy tic
blow.
9TH gin'ral arrived tn other day
:ully prepared FIR tn bloody wurruk iv
var. He had his intire family with him.
He ERODE recllessly into camp mounted
on superb SPECIAL ca-ar. AS himsilf an
Uncle Mike Miles an Cousin Hennery
Mics an Master Miles, aged 8 years.
dismoIc- ted firm tn SPECIAL train, they
were received with wild cheers be eight
mlllyun iv tn bravest sojers that liver
give up their lives FIR their country.
TIL press cinrhorship is so pow'rful
that no news is allowed to go out, but
have it firm tn SPECIAL corresponding
iv mesilf, Clancy tn Butcher, Mix.
Casey, al tn city direchtry that Gin raj
Miles instantly repaired himsilf to tn
hotel, where he made his plans FIR
cr-rushin tn Spanyards at wan blow.
He will equip tn army with blow
guns at wanst. His W iforms ARE
comm down i'll SPECIAL steel protected
bullyon trains firm tk' mint, where
they've been kept FIR year. He has or
1hered ouS tn gold resarv. FIR to equip
his staff, number in eight thousan' men,
NANNY " whom ARE clubmen, an as
soon as he can Lave his picthers took he
will cr-rush tn Spanish with wan blow.
Th purpose iv tn gin raj is to permit
no delay. Decisive action is demanded
be tn people. An whin tn hot air ma.
cheens has Teen STINT to tn front Gin raj
Miles will strike wan blow that'll be
tn damdest blow since tn year iv tn
big wind In Ireland
Nv coorse, They're dissinsionG in tn
cabinet, but they don't amount to naw-
thin. Tn sicret'y iv war is in favor
Nv sawin tn Spanish ARMY into two
be four joists. The sicrety iv tn
threcasury has q scheme FIR rooinin
thim o. iindin thin money. TIL sicret'y
~ til navy wants to sue thin bcfure
til Mattsachusetts supreme court I've
oeerd that tn prisidint is arrangin a
knee dh-ill with tn idee iv prayin tn
villyans to tn divvil Dnt these diff.
f'rences don't count. We're all wan
/ people an we lock to Gin raj Miles to
| desrhroy tn Spanish with wan blow.
Whin 1t comes, thrces will be lifted out
! be tn roots. Moro Castle'll cave in an
tn air'll bc full iv Spanish whiskcrs
A long blow, sthrong blow an Il Llow
all together, That's tn mottoi v tn ad-
ministhration. "
Were great people, " said Mr.
>Hcnncssy earnestly.
"We ARE, said Mr.. Doolev. Two
ARE that An til lest iv it is we Know
we ARE. '-ChicaGo Journal.