The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1898-09-04
UNITED STATES CONSULS
STORIES OF SOME OF THE MEN WHO
MIsREPREsENT THE COUNTRY.
with No Fitness for Their Positions
and No Sense of Pride, They shame
Their FeIlow-COuntrymen
George Horton. in Chicago Post.

| George Horton, in Chicago Post.
The chief cause of complaint which the
American citizen has against the consuIs as
body is that they do not represent him.
American citizens, as a rule, when seen
abroad are well-dressed, bright, intelligent
| looking people. You always feel proud of a
group of Americans when you see them in
Europe. but you usually feel a shock when
the American consul is pointed out TO you.
This is an imposition on travelling Ameri-
cans. The first consul ever saw was in
Mexico. 1 was travelling there with a num-
Der of prominent business men. A curious
looking old fellow, of the loud, breezy and
voluble kind, hailed us and announced that
he was "uncle Sam That's our CONSUL"
said one of the party.
"Oh. impossible said another.
''Oh, yes, it is" insisted the first speaker.
when you've travelled as much as 1 have
you'll not think anything is impossible in
that line"
We followed Uncle Sam over to his con-
sulate, a large, barren room at the top of
rickety flight of stairs 1t was provided
only with the office furniture, and anyone
familiar with the subject of United States
government furniture will know what that
means. But that is another story.
Now you're in the United States, boys;
sit down and make yourselves at home.
You've got just as good right here as I
have"
A few moments conversation with this
curious individual elected the fact that he
lived here all alone and that he did his own
housekeeping in another room. He hoped,
he said, to save money enough to buy
farm as result of this economy.
The first European consul that ever saw
was a most grotesque-looking individual.
He was attired in a white flannel suit,
which had originally, no doubt, fitted him.
Frequent washings had shrunk the material
large enough for man half his size. 1t was
necessary to make a sacrifice either at the
top or bottom of the trousers. He had con-
cluded that six or eight inches of shank
would more offend the canons of good taste
| than a space between his trousers and his
vest, and accordingly he had heightened his
suspenders until his legs did not seem to
be over two feet long. AT least six inches
of wrist appeared beyond the ends of his
coat sleeves. This man had no regard for
people who lived in his district. He was
saving all the money he could and bending
every energy to the accomplishment OF
certain purpose. He knew what an Amer1-
can consulate was for and it may interest
the reader to know that he gained the end
for which he accepted the office.
While stopping once in an Italian city
called on the principal banker there.
well, how do you like your new consult"
i asked.
Hes worse than the other" he replied,
land that's saying a good deal. He is
man over seventy-tive and has to be led
by his son, who does all the work. He had
quite time renting a n office. His predeces-
sor left without paying his last quarters
rent, and they wouldn't let this man have an
office without some one to guarantee him.
He asked me to do it, but of course didn't
feel justified in taking the risk"
HE COULD NOT SPELL.
An outgoing consul has shown me letter
nounces his impending arrival. This letter
was the first intimation which the consul
received from any source that he had been
removed. I quote verbatim the last SEN
tence. I was allowed to retain the original.
and it is now in my possession:
while feeling sorry that the government
will lose such a competent representative
you are, of course feel pleased to at the
prospect of a sojourn in - and an opper-
tunity to form your acquaintance"
Very diplomatic but oh, We gods! see how
be spells. Such spelling does not represent
our ten-year-old schoolboys. A consul to be
efficient should know at least one foreign
language. Here is, one who doesn't know
even English and he is not alone: .o
This same consul spells archives arch
ieves'' and pronounces it "archeeves." He
also informs callers that is not very We'll up
in ''notoriaP' services.
I was very much amused at the CORE
spondence which took place between the re-
firing consul at Patras and his successor.
Mr.. Jenkins received the following letter:
Dear Sir-The President of the United
States having appointed me consul at
PatraS 1 am now about to start thither.
When you return here, you will find a
happy and contented country. Is there any
thing | can do for you before leaving?
The recipient of the letter replied as fol-
lows, and it seems to me very much to the
point:
Dear Sir-I don't think of anything you
can IN do for me in America except to find me
Ann0inf66
fees often misrepresent the average Amer
lean citizen, what can be said of their
in representing the country as does her hus-
band. The English government takes this
feature into consideration, and it always
asks concerning candidate for repre-
sentative position: What sort of a wife has
he?" The answer to this question has great
influence on the decision The wife of one
American consul whom l knew was a most
unpresenuable woman. She seemed also to
be entirely incapable of looking after her
or another of her flock was continually get
ting lost Whereupon Mrs. X. would dash
Overflow of the consuPs family became q
stsIdine joke in the small town. Whenever
the hre bells were rung and the question
was asked of native, where's the fire?''
the answer was sure to be, THAT isn't a
fire; it's one of the American consul's chill
dren lost again"
In another country where charcoal is the
fuel for cooking the chief lady of The Amer
lean consulate distinguished herself by
OAAA6AAS 4iOL4S III d paper Sack, DRIof6 6ach
meal, enough charcoal for immediate use
"A certain consul of my acquaintance mar
rled one of his servants and ATTEMPTED in
his innocence to introduce her into society
1t is useless to say that the experiment
rallied, although the poor old gentleman
spent his entire salary and all the money he
could rake and scrape i'll the attempt. When
he was finally incontinently discharged he
found himself so hard np that he was
obliged to borrow $50 of his ice consul to
get back home. This small sum would not |
have sufficed, but after humiliating negotia-
tons he succeeded in inducing the captain
OF a freight steamer 10 take himself ard
family home. He arrived in New York with
out penny.
CAUSE OF APPOINTMENT.
As consuls are rot appointed with refer
ence to the duties hey are expected to per-
form, it would no doubt be interesting to
make study of che reasons for which varj-
GUS people have received these offices. | re-
member three instances IN roint:
A certain young man, member of a promf- |
nent Eastern family, was sent TO an in
ebr1ate asylum. While there he met and
married lady who was an inmate and pa
tient of the same institution. His family |
not wishing to introduce the couple in So |
ciety, thought it well to send them abroad |
until the talk occasioned by this escapade |
should Subside. A beautiful city in Ger |
many was chosen, where a large American
colony is located. The consulate was OBJ |
tanned and the couple was sent there Their