davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Must Have Been a Freak.
Clare-WhY. Mhat did he do2

WusI HHVc betH F Teaks Maude-Young Dashing Is simply aw-
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

middle part, so that his fingers are not burned by being too near the flame, and so that the match will not break by being held too near the other end.
 This fact involves another-that he is aware which end has the sulphur and does not attempt to scratch the un- sulphured end. He has furthermore learned that a rough surface Is better to scratch the match on than a smooth one, and his care In looking for a rough place Is very diverting.
 But with all this intelligence the monkey has no notion of ktndling an other fire with the one that he has caused by the friction of the match. He simply lets the match burn out, and if he lights another does 1t for the pleasure of seeing it burn.
 This monkeys keepers and the men of science who are experimenting with his intelligence hope to communicate to him eventually an idea of fire mak- ing and using, but from the moment they succeed in doing so-if they ever do succeed-it will be necessary to keep matches out of his reach.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

Jake, as he called himself, walked away a couple of blocks, and then faced about and returned to repeat his application.
 'I been here," he said, "fur job, and you told me to come again. I'm here"
 The proprietor, being busy, did not recall the previous visit, and, after in- forming Jake that there was nothing for him yet, asked him to come again. This time Jake made round trip of about half mile, and again dropped in, offering his services as twice before.
 Persistent and looks honest" said the proprietor to his bookkeeper. "Won- der what he could doY'
 Might give him a chance to collect some of our impossible accounts" !" laughed the bookkeeper. He's the kind of man to keep begging away, and even creditors can be worn out"
 Jake was given some of the worst old accounts that could be hunted up and started out. By making forty or fifty calls on the same man on the same day he began to make an impression, and the firm is now getting good deal of money that had long since been charged to profit and loss.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
"sHooT ON DOWNWARD ROLL"

This Is Uncle Sam's Standing Order
 10 the Navy of the United States.
 "Shoot on the downward roll" That Is the standing order in the navy of the United States. The American practice, both in the army and navy, has always been to shoot low, and always to save ammunition until 1t was possible to use 1t effectively. In the navy the tradition to shoot low has crystallized into a standing rule, unwritten indeed, but none the less religiously observed, and its wisdom has been proved on more than one occasion of great importance.
 The precise form of this unwritten naval rule is to wait for the down ward roll" This is the converse of the maxim obtaining in the British navy that it is best to take advantage of the upward roll," which has been ob- served almost from the beginning of naval fighting by the gunners on En- glish ships, and to which much of the power of England's wooden walls" to defend the island was attributed in the Jays when England, and not the United States, was at war with Spain.
 Necessarily the deck of vessel at sea offers a much less satisfactory plat form from which to shoot than the sol i'd foundation provided in a land fort, since, even when the ocean is calmest, the vessel must constantly roll from side to side. Theoretically, the best time to fire would be at the moment between rolls, when the deck of the ship is perfectly level, and in a general
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
on Installment Plan.

Lida D. Howell was divorced at At chison the other day from her hus- band, George W. Howell, who will be remembered in Western Kansas as the big lumber dealer who failed a few years ago. Under the terms of the d. vorce decree MT. Howell must pay his wife $15,OOO in installments of $75 a month. He Is now working in St. Joe on a salary and 1t will take him six teen years and eight months to pay out the alimony.
 Speaking of alimony, an odd sort of case is reported from Arkansas City, where a man Is paying $5,0O0 to his di- vorced wife at the rate of $50 month. After procuring this divorce he mar ried a rich woman, who, however, in- sists on handling her own money. Once every month she goes around to the di. vorced wife and pays the $50 on her husbands account. The relations be- tween the two women are amicable.- Kansas City Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
A Monkeys Accomp,ishment.

No creature but man has ever made use of fire An African traveller, in ieed, has told story of apes making thieving raid on a camp of natives and carrying torches to Night their way, but this story lacks proof and is not ac- cepted as true by zoologiSts.
 There is, however, in the Philadel- phia geological garden a monkey who has learned to scratch matches per fectly we'll. This accomplishment he is willing to exhibit on any occasion. He has learned to hold the match by its
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

way 1t may be said that an attempt is made to do the shooting at that instant.
 It was noted by the sea fighters in the revolution that prOjectiles from guns fired when the ship was heeling from the enemy in the upward roll were hurled higher in the air than was Intended, and that well-aimed shots were thus often sent harmlessly over head, or, at best, took offect only in the rigging instead of the hull of the enemy, where they would do most dam age. On the other hand, 1t was ob- served that shots fired when the vessel was heeling toward the enemy on the downward roll, though frequently strik- Ing lower than was intended by the marksman, almost invariably took eff forf
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

His weakness was prevarioation. His wife detested lying and constantly urged him to mend his ways. One morning she said: twill, see if you can't be per fectly truthful today. Don't tell lie Now, promiser' He promised and went away to work. When he came home to dinuer. she said:
 Dear, did you keep your promiseH'
 "I did" he replied soberly.
 Then he caught her in his arms.
 Darling" he cried, "I will not lie to you. When I said I had kept my promise to you, I did not tell the truth l; but, believe me. that was the only lie l told all day."
 For 22 seconds she was lost in per plexity. Then she gave it up; the prob lem was too deep for her.-New York Un-rI
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Made Sure It Was Used.

An old farmer and his wife, noted for their niggardliness, had oustom of allowing the servant only one match to light the fire with each morning.
 One morning the match failed to kin de, so the servant went to their bed room door and asked for another one.
 A whispered consultation was held between the two; then audibly the wife said:
 "Will you risk her wi anither sne, John?"
 "Idoot we'll hae tae risk her, Janet, " replied John, "but be sure an seek 6 sicht O the ane she got last nioht. "-
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
TRY ALIENS FOOT-EAsE.

A powder to be shaken into the shoes. At this season your feet feel swollen, nervous and hot, and get tired easily. If you have smarting feet or tight shoes, try Aliens Foot-Ease. It cools the feet and makes walking easy. Cures swollen and sweating feet, bGsters and callous spots, Reheves and comfort. Ten thousand testimonials of cures. Try it today. Sold by ali Drug gists and shoe stores for 25c. Sent by mail for 25c in stamps. Trial package FREE. Address, Allen s. Olmstead, Le Roy, N. Y.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Charitable.

Ella-Young Llghtwit was in lovely frame of mind last evening.
 Hattie-But one can't always judge the picture by the frame, you know.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
SPEAKING PASSING SHIPS.
New Efforts to Revive Old Time Court
 slas Gao

New Efforts to Revive Old Time Courte-
 sies at Sea.
 The fine old custom of speaking pass Ing ships Is rapidly dying out among the shippers of today, and the general opinion seems to be that the modern master is, as rule. too easy going to bother about anything of the sort.
 Colonel Hozier, the secretary of Lloyds, considers that a deal of trouble and anxiety would often be avoided if captains would but take the trouble to speak ships within reading distance of their signals. In many instances anxiety with respect to overdue vessels would be allayed, and, furthermore, there would continually be news for the friends of masters and for the hundreds of thousands of others who are interest ed in the great merchant marine of this country.
 Chatting the matter over, Captain Proud, the secretary of the Shipmasters' society, said: "The practice of speaking each other at sea and reporting at every opportunity is, am sorry to say, dying out among the captains of the present day. suppose they are indifferent, or careless, and do not consider 1t worth the trouble of hoisting the signals and making out the other fellows It is very great pity that an exceedingly use- ful custom should be neglected, and am glad to learn that Colonel Hozier Is doing his utmost to induce masters to e,a 4s ls VUssluia
 ''L am convinced that fl captains can be persuaded to take the trouble to do this much good service will be rendered to the public generally. This society is doing its utmost to get masters to re vive the practice.
 Captain Froud's appeal was strength ened by the picturesque evidence of an old time skipper, who admitted that speaking and signaling had been almost entirely neglected of late years "When I first went to sea-" he said, "it was the invariable custom to exchange names and destinations and sometimes reckon ings with passing ships, but nowadays captains don't bother. Sometimes @ skipper is short handed and he won t take even one man from his work, but mostly he doesn't bother himself about the thing at all. That's my experience, and I've been at the game a week or two. "-London Mail.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
A tEandY Foot ATsas1rs-

If you are ever placed in position where it is desirous to knoY the length of your foot, but inoonvenient to take the measurement, as was the case of the English gentleman who wished to pur- chase hosiery, but could neither tell the size required nor raise his foot to the counter for inspection, you can find very easy way out of the difficulty. Double up your fist and measure around the knuckles The length of string re- quired in taking the measure will be the length of your foot
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
KnAW If All.

"By the way, Tom," said MT. Man ming to his son, fresh from academic groves, "I have been thinking the mat ter over, and have come to the conclu- sion that l had better go to school some where and that you had better take the business and run it. It cannot help i'm proving under the eye of one so gifted as yourself. "-Boston Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
He Didn't Wait Long.

Farmer-So you are looking for work, eh? What can you do?
 Tramp-Well, once worked in a chophouse as waiter.
 Farmer-Just the man I want. can give you job in chophouse, and you won't have to wait, either. Come right out to the Woodshed.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Cheap lrrIEatlen.

pound 4n three torms-Liqu4ds EAiss a-l ' rzrurraz
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
TIE CHINESE FLAG.

The standard of the Celestial Empire is 8 very oueer looking affair lt represents the most Crotesuue of green dragons on & yellow ground. The latter is suggestive not only Of the national complexion, but also of that Of a sufferer from biliOusuess. To remove this unbecoming tint from the InpieXion, use Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, which will speedily regulate your liver, prevent malaria, and remedy dyspepsia, nervousness, rheuma- tism and kidney complaint.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Modification.

hVVDS IiLLES pills, aid digestion. 25c.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

was persuaded to try Lydia E. Pink hams Vegetable Compound. and to- day, I am feeling like pew woman,- MRS. ELLA MCGARvY, Neebe Road Station, Cincinnati, O.
 Lydia E. Pinkham's Liver Pills
 work in unison with the Compound, and are & sure cure for constipation and sick-headache. Mrs. Pinkham's Sanative Wash is frequently found of great value for local application. Cor respondence is freely solicited by the Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co.,, Lynn, Mass, and the strictest confidence as- snred All 6-r~~;~1- --'' ~ -l- aam rsu1l-e-. The E--e.. rls Com pound ln three torms-LiQu4as EAAss
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
A Sad Day for the Muse.

"Ah," sighed the poet, T shall be sat isfled If I can produce but one line that will make the world better"
 "Say," said the poets wife, "just come back here and try your hand at string ing this clothesline, will you?"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Opening His Eyes.

Jack (tenderly to the little brother of his adored one)-Would you like to know Q secret, Tommyf
 Tommy-Should think I would.
 Jack-Well, I'm in love with your sister.
 Tommy-Oh, that's no secret. The family has talked about it every day since Aunt Emma promised Nell that she'd bring about an introduction. Nuggets.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
HOITT,s SCHOOL.

Hoitt's School at BurlIngame, Cal, still maintains its position in the front ranks of the schools on the Pacific Coast. It has just closed the most successful year Tn its history, and graduated ten young men. Nowhere are boys better taught or better cared for in every respect. $. F. Gall, May %.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
BEWARE OF CONTINENTS FOR CA TARRH THAT CONTAIN-MERCUR

AS mercury will surely destroy the sense oi Fmell and completely derGngethe whole system when entering it through the mucous surfaces 0uch articles should never be used except on prescriptions from reputable physicians as the damage they will do is ten fold 70 the good you cen possibly derive from them. Halls CataTTh t,TIrs r17eurfacturpd by r. s. Cheney & Co, To- lcdo Q contains no murcury, and IS taken iu- .aruallv. acting directly upon tha blood and mucous surfaces Of the system. -.- u'. Halrs Catarrh Cure be sure you get the genu- inc It is taken internally, and made in Toledo Ohio by F. J. Cheney & Go. Testimonials Free
 Sold by Druggists, price 75c. per bottle.
 Halls Family Pills are the best
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
His EHCnae.

Mrs. Climbers (sobbing)-You are al ways finding fault with me now. Ev- erything do or say Is wrong, and you never get tired admiring other women Yet when you asked me to be your wife you said was your ideal.
 MT. Blimbers-That's all right. Have you lived to your age without realiz Ing that only a fool never changes his opinion?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
WardrOha

"She is having the loveliest gowns made for her new playw
 "Ahr
 "Oh, inexpressible! Particularly a satin ball dress with long train"
 ''I didn't know there was ball in the play"
 "There isn't; she has that dress to turn her new double somersauIt in."- Detroit Tribune.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

The best and cheapest frrigating plant, from to 200 1T. ?. is the Hercules Gasoline Enging and Pumping Plant, 5uiit exclusively by the Hercules Gas Engine Works 405 SanSome Street, San Francisco, the largest builders in the west.
 Write for circulars and information concern ing their Special 21z H. P. Engine and Pumping Plant. Hundreds sold this year; just the plant for prompt, efficient and economical irrigating service. A plant of this kind may save your crOD.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Knew from E.xnertenca.

snasn your Whe6I'
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
It Was.

Col. Kentuck-Yes, boys, remember way back In '63, when three bullets made holes right In my hat.
 Jones-Brown-Say, colonel, that must be the hat you've been talking through ever since.-New York Evening Jour- nal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Distinctions.

It is not pretty to say of woman that she talks too much, but she looks complimented when you tell her that she is fine conversationalist.- -Somer- vile Mass. Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
That Lauguaee of Oura.

Timkins- What did sAe say when you proposed to her?
 Simpkins-She didn't say word, but just looked at me and then dropped her eyes.
 Timkins-Poor girl! hope she didn't break them.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Work at Helpmates.

was driving through one of the best farming districts in western Ontario Q lew years ago. expressed my admira- hon.
 "Yes," said my companion, who knew the country thoroughly, nearly all the farmers around here have second wives"
 "Why" was my surprised inquiry.
 "Oh," he answered, "they killed their first wives making the farm."- Perth Expositor.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Continuing the Trouble

He-The trouble with too many peo- ple in this world is that they don't know enough to quit when they are ahead of the game.
 She-I know 1t. ought to have quit when I got your engagement ring, but went ahead and married you.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
ExDerf Tesfimouv-

The AttOrney-You say you could not believe this person on oath?
 The Witness-No, sir; Oi never heard the lady swear in me loife, sir.-The Yellow Book,
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
 VARIOUS HUMORISTS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over - Sayings that Are Cheerful to the Old or Young-Fun- ny Selections that You Will Enjoy.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
A Gentle Hint,
Whats good for a cold?

Flim-What's good for a cold? Flam-Have yer got the price of two hot scotch's about you?
 Flim-Yes.
 Flam-Well take one of them.-St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
His Usual Position,

Fweddie- -Yaas, I'm always for the under dog in fight.
 Hortense-Oh, could have guessed that. Charity naturally begins at home, you know.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
She Never Tried 1t.

MT. Wabash-Are you fond of repar- tee, Miss Olive?
 Miss Olive (of St. Louis)-I don't be- live ever drank any of 1t. We always use "Oolong."
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
CvcIers' Match Box.

A handy match box for cyclers has screw clamp at the back, by which t can be attached to the frame or handle bar at . convenient point
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
AIeanness Personified.

Man Sandy" said a Perthshire farmer, "Jock Macpherson's an awful mean chap"
 "Hoots, tOots, manr' said his friend. We're haverinl Hoo dye mak' that oot2''
 "Weei, I'm iist sayin he's mean beastly mean. It's like this: , was up at his boOse the ither nicht. and he said Peter, will ye hae a hauf O wbuslEy?' and l said, Aye, of coorser Weel, he got his bottle oot and began to pour ne oct c glass, ana, thinkin to be sort O polite, ye ken, I said. 'Ston stopP And he stopped dP'.s--%-
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Borrowing Trouble.

He-I suppose you would scream and wake up everybody in the house if ] were to kiss you.
 She-Why is it that some folks can help borrowing trouble? - ChinaS NewR
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
A Natural Deduction.

Wille-Pa, are all blind people idiots? Pa-Certainly not, Willie. What ever put that idea into your head?
 Wilhe-Well, then, why do they say tout of sight, out of mind"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

The disappearance of the stakes marking the boundaries of mining claim does not of itself impair the va- lidity of the location.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Are Not Grumb1ers.

Flim-Do you think raw oysters are healthy?
 pr. Kurnit-I never knew one to con- plain in my life.-New York Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
HeaFSaY.

Barkley-An honest man stands no show in this world.
 Dixon-Who told you that? n...a:,
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
I'm RnaHnn.

Helm not myself tonight.
 She-Then how dare you speak to me, sir, without an introduction?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
That Would Be Worse.

"You have broken my heart" he sobbed.
 Well" she replied, "Td advise you not to make too much noise about it. If mana hears vou he'll gn ont and
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

shall recommend Piso's Cure Tor Con sumption far and wide.-Mrs. Mulligan, Plumstead, Kent, England, Nov. s, 1895.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

years with woml trouble, weak
 back and excre- tions. I was hard ly able to do my household duties and while about my work was sC nervous that Twas miser- N able. I had
 also given M up in des- pair. whenI
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
It Makes a Difference.

"The man who can profit by his own failures Is the one who gets there in this life"
 That's all right from your stand point, but it must be remembered that we are not all fortunate enough to be in business for ourselves"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
As Usual.

Junius used to call me his idol.
 Janet-Of course.
 ''But since we were married he wants to be the idle one."-Yonkers States man.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Information Wanted.

Tufton-If you ever call me a liar again I'll shoot you like a dog.
 Bluffton-You will, eh? By the way, how does a dog shoot?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

rrrc Permanently Cured. No fits or nervous T1lS ness after first days use of pr. kllnes Great Nerve Resterer, Send TOT FREE 9<.VV trisI hottie and treatise. DR. R. H. KLINE, Ltd. sSO Arch St., Philadelphia. Pa.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
THE VALUE OF PERSISTENCE.

Job.
 'T'm lookin' for job. I'm a good feller and I'll work cheap" This is the language in which an hon. est and rather simple looking man ap- preached the head of a Chicago firm. Sorry" smiled the proprietor, but we have nothing to offer just now. Call round again."
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
Something Unusual.

Biggs-I wonder what's wrong with Knox.
 Diggs-Nothing that know of; why? Biggs-I told him l was suffering from a terrible cold the other day and he never suggested remedy for it.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

Narrowest Streets in the World.
 Chinese streets are supposed to be the narrowest in the world. Some of them are only eight feet wide.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

There are parts of the Ganges valley in India where the population averages 1. 900 to the square mile.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
MRS. ELLA M'GARVY.
Writing to Mrs. Pinkham,

Says:-I have been using your Vege. table Compound and find that it does all that it is recommended to do. I have been a sufferer for the last four
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
"Yes," said my companion, who knew
"Why?" was my surprised inaniry.
Looking Ahead.

"And do you love me for what I am or for what was" cooingly asked the old millionaire. with one foot in the grave.
 "For what you will be, dearestp am- biguously replied the poor girl with a living to make.-New York Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
He,1I Know Better Next Time.

He-Darling, l dream of you night and day.
 She-I'm sorry, but your dreams will avail you naught.
 He-Why, what do you mean2
 She-I mean that the man I marry must be Wide-awake; 10 dreamers need apply.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09

Maude-The very first time met him he had the audacity to put his arm around my waist twice.
 Clare-Is 1t possible! Why, I had no idea his arm was long enough for that.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-07-09
A Questionable Com mp1iment.

Mrs. Borer-You heard my appeal last night in behalf of the advancement of women?
 MT. Blunt-Oh, yes; I was an atten- tive listener
 Mrs. Borer-What did you think of my arguments?
 MT. Blunt-I can unhesitatingly say that they were all sound-Boston Cour- fer.