The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1898-03-02
New York Sum-

of Spade.
New York Sum-
Appendicitis" said the doctor, who
had lately moved here from the West.
"Why, left behind me reputation as
an appendicitis expert that would be
worth twenty thousand year in New
York.
What's your percentage of oures?"
asked the recently graduated NJ. D.
"Just an even hundred per cent"
"What are you giving me? There isn't
a surgeon in the country who's never lost
case. Why, even"
eyes; but don't use the kuife,'' said
the other doctor, interrupting.
"Medical treatment, Ell? Well, don't
hold much with that. 1t only aileviates.
Doesn't cure. What's your method, oil9''
"No. Just water"
fHydropathic treatment for Appendix
citisl You must be crazy"
"Who said anything about hydropathio
treatment? You hospital youngsters al
ways want to build up four-story mans
for everything, SO as to charge more in
the bill, reckon. I'm telling you that
I've saved 100 per cent of my appendicitis
cases by the use of water; and now, II
you'll give me chance, I'll tell you how
did it, but wouldn't advise you to fol-
low my method. I don't follow it my
SELF
"Fire ahead said the young doctor.
s'To begin with the truth, my 100 per
cent consisted in one patient. Appendi-
citis hasn't got fashionable out our way
yet. Few people know about it, and, In
my opinion, it's one of those diseases you
don't get until you get thinking about
Them
The young doctor looked wise. en-
voluntary muscular action. due to cere-"
"That'I do,' interrupted the older
man. "I'I furnish all the necessary foot
notes myself This patient of mine was
chap named Dunby,. a big, robust fell
low. q great eater, and too lazy to take
exercise. Consequently, his stomach was
always troubling him. Well, one day he
got hold of semi medical paper con-
tanning a long and gruesome article on
appendicitis. That WAS the nrst inti-
nation he had that he was the proud pos
SCISSOR of a vermiform appendix. As soon
as he discovered it, it began to bother
him. He kept poking and prodding at
himself to see if he had any pains there,
and naturally he made himself sore. One
day he came down to my office white as
sheet.
g I've got it, Doc,' he said; I've got
it,
g Got what?' 1 asked.
Appendicitis. I can feel it swelling
m. 1t must be lemon seed, though I've
been careful not to swallow anything Of
that Sort
You've got stomach-ache, and
that's ALL said.
I" Stomach ache! Oh, II you could
feel it I'm a dead man.
" You're blooming fool, l said. and
you'll be @ dead fool II You scare yourself
into it. Lie down here and let me look
you over
"The result of my examination was
such as to assure me that Dunby was stuff
ering from bad fit of indigestion and
scare combined. I tried to get him to
look at it that way, but his wouldn't have
it, That internal medical article was
firmly fixed in his appendix vermiforanis,
and though / was satisfied there was moth
inc else there, he was likely to die of it.
I got him home and returned to my office
to smoke pipe over the problem, prom
ising to return that evening. When
got back there was little blue mark on
his abdomen.
!" Modification, moaned Dunby.
Gas matter of fact it was simply q
slight bruise caused by his continual prod
ding at himself; but had formed my
plan and proceeded to act upon 1t.
9" fYou were right. Dunby,' I said. SIT
is appendicitis. That mark shows IT.
sEfOh, my Godl' ne cried. Send for
nv brother. l want to see my nearest
-oIo two hofOra die
g You aren't going to die, 1 said.
You're going to be cured this very night.
How's the pain9'
/" Gone. Numbness of approaching
death, he gurgled.
keep your nerve up" told him.
Then I went to a carpenter and had him
set in q sort OF reversed stocks over DEn-
by's bathtub, like the kind they used to
set malefactors in. only they We're con-
trived 30 that the man should be held up
side down, and they were padded to pre-
vent his ankles from being hurt. When
they were finished 1 made Dunby drink
water until his eyes buiged out.
pIaiped to him, 1T will wash the foreign
matter out of the appendix as soon as
that organ is reversed. Swallow every
drop you can get down.
"When DUMMY had drunk till he was
puffed like pouter pigeon my assistant
and I took him and hung MIN up Dy the
feet over the bathtub. 1t was very hard
lob. too, for he was heavy. Three times
we filled him up, and three times we
hung him up and made an inverted
roaring cataract out of him. 1t was
pretty tough treatment, but the moral
effect was grand. As coon as he was able
to talk he assured me that he was washed
out clear to the tips of his toes. Certain
" no man ever got more thorough in
ternal bath. just to make sure turned
on him fake X-ray, and told him the
appendix was clear.
:" Now said I, all you've got to do is
to be careful Take plenty of exercise,
don't oyereat and don't worry. Wen
leave the carpenters work there in case
YOU have another attack.
eff you'll believe it, the first thing
Dunby did as soon az he was well enough
to get around was to get an axe and
knock the stocks contriyance to flinders.
Such is the ungratefulness of man. But
he sent me check that I was almost
ashamed to take, and talked Rahout my
wonderful skill until was afraid of be-
ing held up to the contempt If the profess
ion as an advertiser. My reputation was
made. But don't expect to adopt that
treatment here, and shouldn't recon-