davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
MARRIAGE NoTIN HER MIND.
A Mistake Made by a Studious Girl
 Caused Much Laughter.

A Mistake Made by a Studious Girl
 Caused Much Laughter.
 An informal afternoon banquet was recently arranged by the graduating class of local institution of learning. The girls, of which there were a mum. Der, formed as usual vision of lowell. ness, while the young man, as some times happens, were permitted to call attention to 1t. Amid the merry clink of glasses, and while strong lemonade and root beer flowed like water, story after story was told, retold and laugh ed at The best practical jokes of the year were rehearsed. The merriment of the whole crowd was directed by one unhappy allusion after another on ev- cry one in turn. The man who had received the highest average and was to deliver the valedictory persisted in talking seriously, but was choked off early in the proceedings. Nobody wanted to listen to how he won the prize or how near he came to losing it. The school year was over, and they were all thinking of something else.
 
 the hflarfty to allow the regular pro- gram to find its way through the en- tertainment.
 First tall girl got up to read a poem which she had composed for the occasion. She compared the class to a tree. The young ladies were the buds and the boys the limbs. She was fol lowed by an equally short young man, who had written a class history. He prefaced this by lengthy essay. nnti- tied, What Makes History to which a mischievous girl added In an under tone, ESQ tiresome."
 Next one of the professors got up to explain the functions of criticism. To give practical illustration of his re- marks he applied them to the viands. These he criticised thoroughly, but as he had been on the committee of ar- engagements he found them all excel lent.
 AS the afternoon wore away, how ever, every one became more thought full. They began to discuss their plans for the future. The young men didn't seem to have any plans, so they sat and listened. One of the fair graduates was going abroad, another to study art. Another felt she was destined for a musical career, fourth wanted to engage in church work. Finally they came to rather studious girl, who was perhaps the senior of the class. It was the impression that she was going to continue her studies as a post grad uate. When asked what she intended to do during the coming year year she replied: I'm going to get a fellow" Here something stuck in her throat, and, although it seemed an almost In. finltesimal space of time, the whole company was in roars of laughter be fore she could add ship" p."-Ohicago Times-Herald.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Phe scheme of autonomy proposed for Cuba by the new Liberal ministry goes farther than previous projects of the kind. If 1t were carried out, Cuba would have its own legislature, chosen directly by the people; and this legisla- ture would have control over taxation, the tariff, public instruction and all matters of internal administration. There would be a ministry, appointed by the Governor General, from this legislature, and responsible to it. The Governor General, appointed, by Spain, would have 8 veto upon legislation.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

It has been predicted that Africa would be the theater of the great strug- gle between European powers in the next century, as America was in the last two centuries. Bishop HartelI, of tne Methodist Episcopal church, after close observation of the situation, in- oorses the opinion. There are already signs of the coming trouble. Germany Is watching British progress In Africa with jealous eye and only wants a pretext to interfere in order to stop tnaf progress. The French are contfn- uaIiy encroaching on the sphere of Brit
 nn innuence, and though the French Government disowns the acts of over ses1ous French officers, still the Gov ernment holds whatever they acou;rs
 Africa Is rich prize, and English, Ger mans and French. to say nothing of ItaAans. will all seek to gain as large a alice ef the continent as possible. It re- Quirss no prophetic powers to predict
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

AN EXPENSIVE BUG. fly of voracious ti-
 ger beetles, tho highest type of these
 insects.
 During the remaining days spent in the field the two naturalists studied the insects habits closely. They learned that this species was even more fero- cious in its nature than other mem bers of the tiger beetle family. The larvae dig holes about a foot deep. Climbing by two sharp sickel-shaped mandibles to the top of the burrow, with jaws open, level with the ground, they wait for any unwary prey that attempts to cross the opening. They are not only carnivorous but combat i've. If a stick or straw be thrust into the hole the angry grub will fasten on 1t with a tenacious grip, and will be dragged from its hole rather than give up its supposed enemy.
 In ten days 1,170 specimens were taken. ''The ground was so thoroughly stripped of beetles" said Dr. Williston in his office in Snow Hall Museum. at Lawrence, that subsequent expedi- tions sent for years afterward from Eastern museums were never able to earn their salt. If the beetles could have been sold at prices paid in 1876 they would have brought more than S10,OO
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
A GuileIess Thief.

A story is told about a clever spaniel that took a feather duster from his owners house, and while playing with 1t tore out all the feathers. The dog, after being shown the featherless ham, dle, was given a whipping. He disap- peared and about an hour afterward, walked bravely into the house with a new duster in his mouth and meekly deposited the brush at the feet of his mistress. By the mark on 1t she saw that the dog had stolen it from neigh boring store.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Germany's foolish hostility to Eng land, as voiced through her monarch, naturally gives offense to Austrian and Italian statesmen, and to that extent weakens the tie between the three na- tions. Thus far the net result of the Kasier's freaks in his efforts to isolate England has been the creation of a dis trust toward himself among hIs friends which may, if his pranks are persisted in, isolate Germany.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

that England will outstrip all her rivals in the race. She has a firm foothold now both in Egypt and South Africa and every year is acquiring additional territory. England is the great col onizer of the age, and her great naval power will give her an immense ad- vantage in the coming struggle.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

The British Hon is now maintaining two wars against uncivilized tribes. Both are being waged by the tribes in an attempt to maintain or regain inde- pendence, of which Great Britain has robbed or is seeking to rob them. The sun never sets upon the British empire anc 1t never runs its daily course but 1t sees blood spilled by British bayonets.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

and they sold read fly for that much and sometimes for more.
 Twenty-one years ago two young sci entists, Prof. $. w. Williston and Dr. H. A. BrOus, while e explorin n g the branches of t h e Smoky Hill River for fossil remains, cane across { h 6 rarest of beetles, the amblichila, be longing fo fhe fam
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Science and sanitation not only ought to drive yellow fever out of the United States, but 1t ought to drive out all other filth diseases. We talk about the dirt of the Digger Indians, and yet We are dying by the thousands all the time from dirt. The unpardonable sin of civilization Is its daily death rate from dirt.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
That Settled It.

"Why has Mrs. Langdon left her husband and gone back to her parents?
 She got to rummaging through his papers the other day and found the re- ceipt for his first wifes engagement ring. It cost $2O more than he paid for the second one"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A New Jersey training school for nurses has refused a diploma to a young woman who writes poetry. This Is rather rough on the young woman, bu. just think how unpleasant she would make things for an invalid.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Found Wanting.

Rev. Saintly-Ah, sir! When that new planet breaks away from the sun the temperature on earth will rise to 1000 degrees Fahrenheit! Are you pre- pared for that?
 Summer hotel proprietor (aghast)- Great Scott! No. I've closed up my hotel and let the help go!-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Mrs. Mckinley, mother of the Presi- dent, has been informed that she is one of the heirs to the rich estate of a relative who has just died in Scotland. With the Presidency of the United States and fortune In Scotland things are breaking nicely for William Me Kinley and his venerable mother.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

New England farmers have organ Ized cooperative hog-killing clubs. Un- til a national organization Is establish cd, however, the person who sprawls over two seats in a crowded railroad car need feel Iz0 uneasiness.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Miss Augusta Main, of New Berlin. Conn, charged with an assault with intent to kill, declared in court that there were two things in the world she hated and they were men and dogs. never see either" she said "T1nf what l ache to kill them" How un- womanly in her not to love dogs.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Acquaintauce Doesn't Count.

q can't understand why Jermyn and his wife don't get along well together She was his typewriter for years be- fore he married her, and they surely ought to have known whether they were suited to each other or not"
 My dear sir, a shoe never pinches until after you put r on.'
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
NIisfnn red.

"I'm afraid that Mr. Hunkson is A very fast young man. He must not come here any more"
 "Oh, papa, you wrorg him Why, he was raised in Philadelphia"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
She Sill Thinka IL.

Miss Passay-Wban I vas 16 I thought was young lady.
 Miss Snippley-Wonderful
 Miss Passay-Oh. there's nothing so wonderful about that. Every girl of 1G thinks the same thing.
 Miss Snippley. ] know. The won- derful part is that you haven changed your mind for thirty years.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

New York has sent sixty women in bioomers ito civiIize the KlondIke re gfons." If they reach their destination at all 1t is pretty safe to wager that they will be civilized by the miners.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A Boston asylum advertises for "gra- tuitous contributions of perused litera- ture for eleemosynary distribution" :" The Bostonese have such a charming way or putting things!
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

That the Prince of Wales is 56 years ole of course lessens his possible period a. king. However, he's supposed to have had a royal time as it is.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
--nrife Poet.

oor,ord-Who is your favorite poet!
 Domber-McJingle. He never brings his poetry in. He always sends IL oy mail with a return stamp.-Boston Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Pride is never so effectually put to the blush as when it finds itself con- trasted with an easy but Ggnifed hu- miIity.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
The First Person Singular.

That's the most egotistical man I ever saw," said one usher at theater.
 "Yes. He won't even sit anywhere except in Section I."-Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A Paris dispatch says: 'M. Sauverin was scratched in a duel fought early this morning" Heavens! The women have begun it now.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO-
 lNGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Jokele;= that Are supposed to Have Been ReeentlS Born--saS1nss and Doings that Are Odd, Curious anu LauShabIe-The Weeks Huuor.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
A Coincidence.

''The man who brought this in," re- marked the editors assistant, as he un- rolled half yard of manuscript, told me confidentially that he needed the money for it."
 "Yes," was the melancholy answer, 'its a strange fact that the longest poems seem invariably to be written by the shortest poets. s.'-Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
For LucF.

Hello, Brown. How di0 you set your face scared sOT'
 "Got run over by 3 truck.
 Didn't you see it comingY
 "No. I was looking over my shoulder at the new moon for luck."-Indtanapo lis Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

The reason a woman is in no hurry to die is that she wishes to sweep into he.ven after everybody else is seated.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Better Recon mendation~

Jack-Here, old man, is a cigar I can conscientiously recommend.
 Joe-That's all right, but prefer one you can conscientiously smOke.-Odds and Ends.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Good fortune may knock at each man.,
 door,
 But don't forget, kind reader, that The knocking is never done before A man has door to be knocked at
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Honesty may be stamped on a mans face and yet leave very wide margin
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
True lserafion.

Honest Legislator-Tye been insulted, Sir! I've been approached by rascally chariatan who offered me S1O for my vote.
 Sympathetic Friend Terrible! Ter rible! Don't take 1t. It's worth s1oo
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

If there is one real failure possible in life, 1t Is the failure to be true to the best one knows.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Cruel Man.

The Groom-The minister seems to think he knows more about you than I dO
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
No Edpe nn tle rnf-

"Just look at that kitten, will you" said MT. LushfOrth. What satisfac- tion do you suppose it gets in chasing imaginary miceY'
 'I don't see why you should ask me-" said his wife. "YOU know more about that sort of thipg than l do."-Indian- apolis Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
True toEFer.

She-Are even your thoughts true to me?
 He-Yes, indeed! Whenever I kiss another girl try to imagine it is you am kissing.-Up-tO-Da
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
How tc Get It.

Blinks-You don't mean TO sayyou've found sure way to make money t the races?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

More than half the time when a wom- an betrays secret some man is at the bottom of it.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Babel-He's so taciturn-gives the others lots of chance to talk.-North American.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Are Theyf

"How disagreeable are the eccentrici- ties of genius."
 Are they any more dlsagreeable than the eccentricties of people who haven't any geniusf'-Boston Post.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Died a Natural Death.

Kindly Visitor (nOticing the empty cage)-Did your canary die a natural death?
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

No man should try to ride a wheel un. less he has horse sense
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
EXPENSIVE BEETLES.
Kansas Once Inhabited by a Breed of
 Insects Now Extinct

Fifty dollars seems an extravagant price to pay for one beetle. Yet Kan saS was once inha bited by such insects
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A long pedigree doesn't prevent a horse from being the last of his race.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Like I.irhfninC.

"My Freddie rode like lightning the first time he got on 3 wheel"
 'You are fibbing.
 "Not bit. DOesn't lightning go in a zig g-zagY'-Fliegende Blaetter.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

A New York physician says he "can give directions for living a hundred years" Well, anyone can do that.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

fire?
 Young Wife (cooking)-That was bak- ing powder, stupid! I'm ready to put the cake into the oven.-New York World
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Lots of Rccrention Time.

"That pretty Miss Boodell is always talking about her fathers vacations What does she mean?
 "Why, he is a professional politician, and never does c. ta'oc No4---~c, cam paigns." ."-Cleveland Tlain Dealer.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
He Deserves One

Did you hear about the poet who committed suicide because one of his poems was rejectedY'
 "No. Are they going to build a mon ument to him?'
 What, to a fellow who committed suicide?'
 NO, to the editor who declined the poem."
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
It May Be 90.

"Why do actors always object to one-night stands '
 Because they think ,1e supply of eggs might be exhausted by the sec ond or third night ] guess
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Skinner-What makes Col Puffing- ton so successful as conversational
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
ho Rridn-H0W'S that?
n.taf t1,S ucnrI.

The Groom-I gave him ten and he handed back five of it.-Town Topics.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
A Wish.

My youth" said the penurious man, twas spent as a sailor"
 I'd like to have known you then" 'Why"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Little Reginald (promptly)-Yes; the cat ate him.-Tid-BitS.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Fast Friends.

Martha-Do you believe that Renee's hair Is dyed?
 JOne-It isn't Dice of you to say such things! I'm very sure 1t isn't dyed. Martha-How do you know? Jane-1 was with her when she bought it.-Gaulois
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Fatal Neglect.

Husband-What's the matter, my dear?
 Wife-Our girl has left.
 Husband-Oh, well, don't let that worry you. There ore plenty more. Wife-But I forgot to get q recom- mendation from her.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
Snre.

Yeast-Tve just invested in one of those salt-and-peppe- suits.
 Crimsonbeak-We that sounds as if 1t would be good for at least two sea- sons.-YOnkers Statesman.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
A Culinary Device.

Young Husband-Dear, what was that white powder you dropped into the firp3
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
FOrfuue,a Visit

lcicle Bill-Robbed! robbed!! of me all, me sandwich.-St. Louis Republic
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Jinks-Sure as shooting. I never fal. Blinks-My! my! Do you buy tips? Jinks-No, l sell tlem.--New York Weekly.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Prayed Frawley-Cee, but l had CT beautiful dream las high!
 Fatigued Faversham-Y,t wuz it?
 Prayed Frawiey-I drelnt dat CT bunch of heiresses 7guz cI,sfn' me- San Francisco Chronicle.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29

Tt would have been pleasure to see you pay out something, even if 1t was only cable. ."-Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-01-29
A Lovely Dream.
lis Journa,

yST1f ,Sk
 ElEA:S...:= E|y & |>....{ ..{@
 *SS .3EEEN Prayed Frawley-Cee, but l had CT beautiful dream las' high Fatigued Faversham-W,t WIZ it? Prayed FraWioy-I drelnt dat CT bunch of heiresses wuz cl,sfn' me- San Francisco Chronicle.
 How to Get It. Blinks-You don't mean TO sayyou'ye found sure way to make money # the races?
 J1nks-Sure as shooting. I never fal. Blinks-My! ny! Do you buy tips? Jinks-No, l sell tAem.-New York Weekly.
 Like Lightning. "My Freddie rode like lightning the first time he got on 3 wheel" 'You are fibbing
 "Not bit. Doesn't lightning go in a zig-zagT-Fliegende BIaetter.
 True to Her. She-Are even your thoughts true to me?
 He-Yes, indeed! Whenever I kiss another girl try to imagine it is you am kissing.-Up-tO-Date.
 No Edge on the Cat. Just look at that kitten. will you?" said MT. LushfOrth. What satisfac- tion do you suppose it gets in chasing mice"
 'I don't see why you should ask me-" said his wife. You know more about that sort of thipg than l do."-Indian- apolis Journal.
 Are Tbeyr "How disagreeable are the eccentrici- ties of genius"
 Are they any more disagreeable than the eccentricties of people who haven't any Boston Post.
 Surei.. Yeast-Tve just Invested in one of those salt-and-peppe- suits. Crimsonbeak-WeI that sounds as if It would be good for at least two sea- Statesman.
 Fast Friends. Martha-Do you believe that Renee's hair Is dyed?
 Jone-It isn't Dice of you to say such hings! Pm very sure it isn't dyed. Martha-How do you know? Jane-I was with her when she bought it.-GaulOis.
 Lots of Recreation Time. "That pretty Miss Boodell is always alking about her fathers vacations. What does she rleal2 "Why, he is professional politician. nd never does C. thing H>r4----cn cam 'aigns. ."-Cleveland Tlaln Dealer.
 It May Be %. "Why do actor always object to ne-night stands ' Because they think ,4e supply of ggs might be, exhausted by the sec nd or third night ] guess"
 Fatal Neglect. Husband-Whats the matter, my ear?
 Wife-Our girl has left Husband-Oh, well, don't let that ,orry you. There are plenty more. Wife-But I forgot to get q recon lendation from her.
 True CominiseratiOn.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1898-11-18
The Highly Gifted Cow.

It is said that something bordering
on TIE miraculous has lately happened
ut Tickton, a village in Yorkshire. y
farmer bought what he thought was a
drinking trough for his cattle, which
did very well for all his stock but one,
and this was COW that never would
drink from it. This causing some incon-
vcnicuce, the farmer mentioned it, Uu-
til the fact came TO the ears of local
an;iquary, who ON examination pro-
nounced the supposed trough to be Il
font, and further research showed that
it had once stood in the village church.
1t has now been recovered and replaced.
English Country Newspaper.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1898-11-18
The Needle and the Splinter.

In discoursing to a wOman's club re-
Gently Il physician, dwelling upon how
to treat children's bruises, told of a
simple method to sterilize Il needle that
was to be used to pick out splinter or
other foreign substance often iabbed
into small boys hands CT knees through
their reckless falling. If the needle is
passed through an alcohol flame or boil
ing water and used without touching
the point with the fingers, it is safe.
The average mother thinks if she uses
Il needle instead of a pin she has con-
coded all that is required Of her, but
the surgeon, keen to the dangers of germ
contamination, knows that u step fur
ther is necessary.
The lecturer also spoke of the value
in the mothers medicine chest of a lit
tie gutta percha tissue such as every one
who has had 4 tooth filed will recog-
nizc. This Will be found to be Of great
service in covering any moist dressing
of wounds, as it protects the clothing
from the Wet and also retains the mois-
turc which it is needed to preserve in
the dressing New York Post.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1898-11-18
Spanish Barbarity.

The deadly work at Manila was gen.
orally performed in the cool of the
morning. That these events We're fully
appreciated was shown by the presence
on the Lunetta of thousands of people.
Hundreds of fashionably dressed ladies
and gentlemen "'graced' the occasion
with their presence. For the most part
these fashionables came in their equip
ages. These ladies would stand in their
vehicles, determined not to miss any
part of the CHASTITY show. The signal
from the commanding lieutenant that
the victims We're dead was the signal
for these delighted lady spectators to
wave their handkerchiefs or parasols as
evidence OF their satisfaction.
As a general thing these were fright
fully grewsome affairs. There was fir
ing squad of five for each unfortunate.
This squad Of executioners would be
stationed about ten PAGES Immediately
to the rear of their human target. In
II. 0st instances the soldiers constituting
the firing squad were natives. They
were secretly in favor of the rebellion,
and no member of the squad cared to
fire the fatal shot. Consequently each
man would aim for the arm or leg.
This of course only added to the horror
of the affair.
There was one occasion when 3 lead
ing members of the secret revolutionary
society, the Chapman, were executed
There was not single instance at this
execution where the unfortunate was
killed by the first volley. In a MAORI
ty of cases three or four volleys were
required, and in one instance five vol
leys Were fired before the surgeon de-
clared the man dead. The announcement
that all were dead was the signal for
music by the band-gay, triumphal
music. -RevieM of Reviews.