Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1898-04-16

Young Wife--Before we were married.
George, you never smoked IN my pres
ence
Young Husband-I know it. my dear.
and you never wore curl-papefS IN mine.
Pail Mall Gazette
We've got to economiZe. said Mr..
Gadgoyle to his wife
VERY, WELL, replied the goon wo h az;
cheerfully,. You shave yourself ana III
cut your hair TitBits.
Manma-And how did my little pet get
to sleep last night without mamma?
Little Pet-Papa tried to sing to me llke
you do, and ! hurried up an went TO
sleep sos not to hear h--Puhch.
Lady-Sir, you should Introduce little
change in your style of dancing.
Gent-lIow do you mean, madamoiselle!
Lady--You might occasionally step on
my left foot; the right one IS hcdrS
smashed Bits.
Managing Editor-What was 1t that
young fellow wanted?
Office Boyle says that ne wrote =
sonnet entitled ''Dollys DimpicS. ana II
got into the paper headed dolly Pm
pies" and that he wants it explained,
as il got him into trouble with something
he called his fceansay.-Pick-Mc- Up.
First Ice Magnate tcxcitcdlyl-l hear
that a cheap substitute Tor ice mas pech
invented - ,
FIRST Ice Magnatc--I don't know how
much there may be in IT, but inc proJec-
tors claim it will leave q wet spot on i
back doorstep exactly IKE .nat ~ os
a chunk of ice, melting ana ~ nan coS,'
Puck.
"A man has been arrested for appro-
priating money" remarked Mrs Snaiss'
who was reading the evening heWslapeii:
Now. that's what l call partiai'ty-
| exclaimed Mr.. SnagGs
| NV hat do You mean?
congressman appropriate NOR" money
| than any other class OF men ytt nv
| are never arrested lol IT, - it'So"' o
| Chronice-Telegraph.
| Hicks-Lct's see. Who was the best
| man at your wedding.
| Wicks~I was.-Som. rville journal
| Firs, Hen-Why So sad. dear?
Second Hen-'rhat near-sighted col;
| player mistook my newest eEt i"i w.
| bai There il one rOnS"tatloh' ne ~ saw
too.-lndianal'oiis Journal
| MS "A wise thing never to so INTO Il
! bath after meal.
| why not" ., ,,..,.
! on you'd hardly hnd 1t there -fhi"-
delphiA North American.
She-l am not ny IN thy language "i
flowers. What did that bunch of Jacaue-
minots mean that you sent me
| H.-i don't get III" translation from
the florist until the end OF the month";
| Manhattan
Juvenile-Mamma /, ism, good gram
mar to say after |. Is II.
| His Mother-No. George.
Juvenile-Well. the letter comes after
l. Which is wrong. The grammar or the
alpha bet TIT Bits
These emergency hospitals are no
good r.
why NOT
| Il went into one orl,hem and tried to
| borrow a dollar; they wo4ldn let me
have a cent. "-ChicHgo Record.
Simpkins Was given AN egg AZ the res
taurant today that had distinct NV
marked on ii.
| THAT must refer to tn. Spanish war,
That's what SimpknS thought until
| he opened 1t. He says il was the war OF
| 1872 "-CleveIand Plain Dealer
Kind IAdy-If you need clothing can
supply you with an odd suit OF my hus-
| bands. but they'll be about four sizes TOO
| big for YOU. ,,
| Tramp-Never mind. mum, I'll wear
EN-. I'd rather be mstook for an anglo
| maniac than freeze.-New York Weekly.
THE money market" Mr. Wallace be-
gan with that superior air a man assumes
when he talks of public questions to MS
wife, 1.-The money market =
Which reminds me. Mrs. Wallace in
| tcrrupted.
| THAT you haven't given me the mar
ket money yet. '-Cincinnati Enquirer
II have about decided said Downing.
80 20 to Cuba and join the insurgent
army
"Oh you take my breath away OK
claimed Mrs bowling. Going down
there where YOU will have to sleep out on
the ground. and bo eaten up by the
| snakes and mosquitoes?
Yes.
Don't you know YOU are likely to
starve 10 death?
| II do
| And take yellow fever or cholera?'
~ know.
| "Or may he captured or shot. or some
| thing"
| Il know that. Maria. but they won't
| bang on the piano after ! have gone t"
| bed nor make me get up after midnight
| to look for burglars. Atlanta Journal