Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-07-27

y story Is tod III the 1OutnS COM
panion of a lord and clergyman who
the city jail. The lord turned to his
companion and jokingly said:
Where would you be, sir, If that Jail
had its due?'
Without q seconds hesitation his COM
panion smilingly responded, Riding
alone, | fear
In railway carriage on the London
q Northwestern railway recently a Wag-
gish young man. noticing an elderly gen
tleman trying to put OF his overcoat, went
tC hiH assistance. While thus engaged
the young man observed a gOod-sized
whisky flask protruding from one of the
old gentleman's pockets, and thought It
a sood opportunity for joke. Having
helped the stranger on with his coat, he
pulled out the flask, and said:
''Will you take a drink"
The old man did not recognize the Dot
tie, and drawing himself up, remarked
severely:
NO, sir: never drink"
1T won't hurt YOU insisted the wag;
Cts the best"
Young man. said the Old gentleman,
speaking loud enough for all in the car
riagc TO hear, IF you persist in drinking
whisky you Will be a ruined man at 40
It is the curse of the land. When l was
q boy my mother died. and the last thing
she did was to call me to her ue1side,
and say, John. promise me that you will
never touch a drop of liquor "
"Oh, well, in that case" said the joker,
u must drink it myself" whereupon.
suiting the action to the words, he pulled
out the cork and took a good drink. A
moment later he dropped the bottle with
an exclamation which certainly didn't
sound like a blessing, and yelled, Ugh!
ITUh' Nv rpOuth'S -
Then it was that the old gentleman dis
covered his loss, and to the amusement of
| the other passengers, said:
''Ah, young man, you will be careful
before you take another mans property
again. l am DR. -, and that bottle
contained some Quinine and iron for one
of my patients"
The young man got out at the next sta
tion.-Tit-Bits.
Grocm-'A ring around the moon is a
sign Of rain Bride (sweetIy)-''And a
ring round a wOman's finger is the sign
Of Groom SADLY Reign. Dos
Parson Belcher-''It hab been Suggested
Brudder Warts, dat Brudder Brown re-
ieve yO' oh de duties OBJ passin' de plate"
Brother Warts-"I hopes dey amt no
suspicious oh nah honesty" Parson
Belcher-"No, bruddah; but as you am a
shoemaker by trade, an hab mo- or less
shOemaker's wax on you fngahs, de YES
try OBJ dis chu'ch am affeerd dat mo- or
less nickels mought stick to em by acct
dent-dat's why, sah."-Judge.
A writer in the Hartford Courant OBJ
serves that 'the man of the Occident has
recently learned the superiority Of the
pajama to its predecessor, the night
l.
out many a protest from conservative
persons who cling to the nightshirt of the
fathers. This numerous class will SYM
pathize with Mark Twain, who gave the
garments a fair trial in India and re-
jected them. This foolish nightdress,'
says Mark in Following the Equator"
consists of jacket and drawers. Some
times they are made of silk, sometimes Of
a raspy, scratchy, slazy, wooden material
with a sandpaper surface. The drawers
are loose, acknowledged and elephant
wasted things and instead of buttoning
around the body there IS draW-string TO
produce the required shrinkage. The
jacket is roomy, and one buttons it in
front Pajamas are hot on a hot night
and cold on a cold night-defects which
nightshirt is free from. l tried the pa
jamas in order TO be in fashion. but 1 was
obliged to give them up. | couldn't stand
them. There was not sufficient change
from day-gear to night-gear. 1 had the
suffOcated sense of being abed with NY
clothes on" The good old American
nightshirt is good enough for any man.
Mrs. Wigg,es-'I didn't know that Mr..
Binks had a title Mrs. Waggles-
Neither did I. What is it?'' Mrs Wig
gles-''Well, his servant says that every
thing comes addressed James Binks, c.
O. D. "-Somerville (Mass.) Journal.
":o:--
A patient in an English insane asylum
imagined himself dead, and nothing could
drive the delusion out of his brain One
day the physician had a happy thought,
and said to him:
Did you ever see a dead man bleed %
NO he replied.
Did you ever hear of a dead man
bleeding?"
NO"
''Well, if you Will permit me, will try
bleed or not
The patient gave his consent, the doctor
whipped out his scalpel and drew little
blood.
"There," he said, you see that you
bleed: that proves that you are not dead"
Not AZ all the patient instantly re-
piled; that proves that dead men can
bleed. New York Tribune.
The Lady in the Sunbonnet-"Oh, l
guess you think whatever you say goes!"
The Lady in the Cur.papers-''If you
hear it, it does; it goes all over the neigh
borhood. Indianapolis Journal
The San Francisco Argonaut tells that
when Thomas Bailey AlCrich was small