Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1898-06-25
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Jtutiti
by Jove. old chap. how wish there
was no such thing as money! well,
We have no positive proof that there
is."-Life.
snodgrass- world has a place
for everybody" Micawber-"Yes: the
,nly trouble is there's generally some.
bcdy else In It,"
Yes" said Quiggles. II have a good
deal on my hands just now" 80
perceive replied Fogg: "why don't
you try little soap and water?'
DO you think man has a right to
open his wife's letters?" well, he
may have the right: but don't see
how he could have the courage
Nellie-"Yesterday was my birthday.
and Charlie save mo rose for each
year" Sallie-"what a perfectly i'm.
mense bouquet they must have made"
Godfrey-"Doesn't Winchester ever
get tired Of his wifc's continued sulkl-
ncss and i'll temperT' Scorjel-"l think
not. When she is good.naturcd she
sings"
Mrs. Sweet-"Do you find It econom.
ical TO do your own cooklng?' Mrs.
Burnem-"Oh. yes: my husband does
MT eat half as much as when we have
q cook"
"Cncle. which breed Of chickens IL
the bestT "Well. sab. de white one Is
de easiest found. an de dahk ones is de
easiest hid after 20 gifts 'em.'-1ndia.
napolis Journal.
II have n splendid night lock here
that locks ITSELF" announced the can.
vasser. THAT won't do me-" answered
Roundlcy. what l want Is one that
will unlock ITSELF"
Il asked the young woman In front
OF me to remove her big hat so could
see the stage" "Dld she do it?' mo;
she said II she held her hat In her lap
she couldn't see the stage herself"
Promoter-"You needn't be bit
afraid; the company Is perfectly SAFE"
The Lamb-"Oh. I've no doubt about
the company being safe enough. was
thinking about the safety Of my
money"
''Oratory Is n gift" remarked the nd.
miring constituent. "well," replied
Farmer Corntassel, "mostly It Is. But
now and then n man gets good enough
at II TO charge you fur listenin'."-
washinton Star.
Il sec." said the shoe clerk boarder,
''that there Is king Of Africa who has
been drunk for fifteen years." "That,"
said the Cheerful Idiot. "Is what might
be called soaking rcign."-Indlanap.
oils Journal.
I'll take my chances with postcrity,"
said the poet whose effusions had been
refused. "Of course you WILL" sneercd
the editor. "You know mighty well
that posterity can't get at you."-De.
troit Free Press.
'That man Crumlet has more invi.
tatiOns to dinner than any other man In
town." How does he work III" HE
tells every hostess with n grown.up
daughter that she must have married
much below the legal age."
First Daughter OF the Revolution
"She says she'd like TO know. for her
part. what practical good our society
does" Second Ditto-"Why. the mean
thing! Just rs II we hadn't made 1t
almost fashionable to DO patriotic."-
Judge.
Traveler-Do the trains for waxton.
bury leave this station? Railroad At.
tache-They always have up to date;
but the thing Is getting pretty shaky,
and II wouldn't be strange some day
to see one Of the trains carrying 1t off,
Boston Transcript.
An old Yorkshire woman being much
distressed mt the sudden loss Of her
only son. the dissenting minister as.
sured her, consolingly: 'Ie Is now
with Abraham. Isaac ana Jacob"
''That's the worst on It," she sObbed,
''and he was always SO shy among
strangers. "-Moonshine.
II had mighty queer surprise to-
day." remarked local broker. II put
on winter suit on account OF the cold
snap--one Of my suits OF last year
and In one of my vest pockets found
O big roll OF bills, which ] must have
forgotten, you know" "Were any of
them receipted" asked a sad.eyed by.
stander. And the look he received sent
the mercury down about ten degrees
further.
Gentleman (who has engaged an
aged coiored hackman 70 drive him
from the station to the hoteD-"Say,
uncle, what's your Nance" Driver
"My name, sab. is George Washing.
ton" Gentleman-"George Washing
ton! Why that names seems famlliar."
Driver-"Well, ! should t'ipk 1t ought
to. Here been drivin' to this station
e boy, twenty years, s q. 40
81 Plunkard-"Hiram, when be you
coin' to pay me them eight dollars fer
pasturin' your heiferf I've had her
now fer about ten weeks" Hiram
Agln-"Why, 81, Their critter hint
with more'n ten dollars" ST PUNK.
ard-"well, s'posln', ! Keep her fer
what you owe me- Hiram AgIn-"Not
by a 5ugfull! Tell you what Ill do;
keep her two weeks more an you can
have her."-Up-to-Date
Little Tommy and his younger sister
were going TO bed without q light.
They had Just reached the bottom of
the stairs, when Tommy, after endeav-
oring to pierce the darkness, turned
round and asked: mother, Is II polite
4. n