Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1898-11-08

Auo III ouT ueoSto 0pttutSsc
Not far away from loves dear eyes
Shall these brave armies roam,
For when In song the daylight dies
Well call the soldicrs home,
And love, where every white tent RleamA
Shall kiss tho soldiers In their dreams.
Chicago Times Herald.
THE PLASTERER.
MARIA" observed Peter Grigwell to
bis better half as he decapitated his
second egg-laid In Gerihany-at the
domestic breakfast table. II suppose
your strongly developed feminine pro-
clivities will not allow Of your forego-
ing for once in way the delirious do
lights Of thorough spring cleaning?'
IF, Peter. in plain English, you
mean that you wish me TO shirk my
duty as British housewife by neglect
ing to clear away o twelvemonth's NO
cumulation Of CRIME and cobwebs. you
suppose correctly" retorted Mira Grig-
we'll in q dry. matter Of fact tone Of
voice that ought 10 have silenced any
average man.
But Peter had become 20 acclimatized,
a. il were, to his wife's very own style
Of oratory that it had ceased TO impress
him ever so slightly.
Twelve months accumulation |" he
cried in well feigned astouishmenk
"Why. ! have always lsbored under the
impression that the house was kept
pretty clean week in and week out!"
Pretty clean. Of course" returned
Mrs Peter. with mi1 and toss Of her
head, "but tho carpets are not taken up
weekly. But perhaps you have been 80
| absorbed in the confederation Of weight
ier matters that you have failed TO no
tice such . detail ~ that" This was
said in Mrs. G.'s most earcastio vein,
but it only elected Q grutf "Humph"
from her husband. 20 she returned to
the charge with: Then look at the
ceilings. You cannot truthfully deny
that they require whitening. and badly
too"
IL suppose the process Ii inevitable, I"
observed Peter . trihe wearily. "No
home complete without IL, 30 to speak. {"
~ should think not" exclaimed the
lady In q ringing voice Of triumph.
There is one thing am fully de-
termined upon though" !" said Mr.. Grig-
we'll calmly. land that II am not go
ing 10 be mulcted to tho same tune ~
was last year. Dasher's bill was par.
alyzer A few more like II would COM
pei me to undergo the process Of white
washing myself
"what do you intend to do then'"
asked Mrs. Grigwell In voice ~ hard
- the primest cut Of beefsteak.
II intend" answered Peter in self
reliant tone. "to whitewash myself" F"
Yes observed Mra GIigwell
sweetly-bitter sweetly. in fact-"but
who is going to whitewash tho coil
ings?"
Peter gave his wife . penetrating
glance, having hazy notion that she
was trying to get at him. a. the saying
goes but as she bore his gimletlike
stare without Hinching he appeared
satisfied and said:
"Yes. l am determined 70 distemper
they call it that now In the bill-the
ceilings entirely myself. See?'
Mra Grigwell felt the situation to
be desperate indeed. but knowing from
experience gained in the past how ut
terly futile would any attempt be on
her part to reason with the self opinion.
Ated Peter. she determined to try the
effect OF ridicule.
peter Grigwell. abe said in ber
most whitening manner. You will
surely never be quite such an idiot a.
TO attempt 70 whitewash the ceilings Of
this house?"
Madam" retorted Mr.. Grigwell
grimly. "your remarks are In exceeding.
ly bad taste and i'll become the wife Of
Q farseeing husband whose solo intent
IL the welfare Of his family and to pre-
serve them from being plundered by
sapacious distempering demons."
"You will find that your dlly fad
will cost you dear in the end, +" retorted
Mrs. Grigwell. with derisive laugh.
"Boshr' said Peter hotly. "That'a
Just the way-but, there, what's the
use Of arguing with . woman? Lemme
csc, today is Wednesday. shall make
Q start with this room tomorrow at 10
sharp. You hear. Maria, at 10 O'Clock. "
Peter spent the remainder Of the fore
noon in getting together all the old
newspapers in the house, and with the
aid Of q large lobster tin full Of paste.
q brush and pair Of garden shears he
fashioned from several of the broad
sheets mysterious looking things bear.
ing O weird resemblance to Unfortunately
roomy trousers and an expansive coat
with balloonlike sleeves.
Next morning Peter was up In good
time and set about mixing his white.
wash in zinc bucket, 30 as to be in
readiness for his work as soon as break
fast was out Of the way. BY 10 O'Clock
the course was clear for Peter to com.
mence his wrestle with the distemper
business He, with calm politeness, re-
aueseed that he might be left alone, a.
be required no assistance and the whole
thing would be done within an hour.
Mrs. Grigwell gave her husband pity.
ing look, then silently left him to his
own devious devices
Then Peter set to work in desperate
earnest. With number Of newspapers
he enshrouded the various articles OF
furniture, then spread further guam
tity all over the carpet. Next he pro-
ceeded to invest the walls with the or
der Of the paper collar, as one might
term t. All this done. Peter looked
around upon his handiwork. a smile OF
sstisfaction meandulng across his facs
- he did 90
"Who mid it was impossible to white.
wash Q ceiling without spelling every
thing in the roHm?" be soliloQuized
"I'll show 'em how it's done. f"
| The self satisfied Peter then proceeded
70 conceal his own rotand form with
the mysterious paper combinations pre-.
viously mentioned. Certainly his ap-
pearance was more that Of circus clown
than Of . respectable ratepaying citi.
rem, especially when he concluded his
toilet by placing on his massive (some
called Il fat) Uranium paper cap OF the
orthodox sugar loaf shape 90 much At.
footed BY grotesquea Of the sawduet.