Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1898-02-18
REVERSED SEXES.

vest. cutuway cost and black fourth hand
n,cktie: hair shirt ard parted In the mid I
die. The husband l. clothed In n light
blue " rappcr. duffy sleeves. close cut beard
and long hair arranged Ia mode Of the
lntest French knot. They SIT at the break
fast rnblr, susan reading the morning pa
per. while John Is slowly pouring out the
clfiee. frowning and muttering incoherent
., ntences Us the right sleeve NJ his morn
inc gown falls accidentally into the dark,
Brazilian hevorage before him. The chill
dren. Mary ana Willie, respectively III and
II years OF ago, occupy seats on either eide
of the table.
Johns mind wanders In rctrospcction as
with a dolly he dries the moistencd sleeves.
This is the tenor of his thoughts: Little
did the fathers Of 1875 conceive that their
posterity would think. act and dress as
they do today. Here ] am a continual
home body and haven't the opportunity OF
leaving my duties even for moment The
entire morning 10 consumed In caring for
the children, getting them ready for
school, cleaning their faces and hands,
and. above all, plating little Willie's hair,
which reaches to his waist-and such "A
lovely color! Then IL is so hard to keep
his dresses clean, moro so than my own,
though l am constantly in the kitchen,
and darn the holes In his stockings.
"Alssi l wish boys wore pants as they
did 100 years ago. But, then, / emit COM
plain, for he Is so hmiable and quiet. IL
be were but like Mary and could dress as
she does, should have no trouble In keep
Ing him clean and respectable. Her bloom
ers are never soiled, her short, barber out
hair so easily brushed, and II she were not
% robust, rollicking and mischiovous l
should dote on her. l live In constant
dread that Willie may become Tom girl
ish and Mary lose her head or n limb
while playing football or cricket. A house
keepers life Is indeed o hard one. ="
At this junoture Susan lays inside the
paper saying: "This Is miserable. Stocks
and bonds are depreciating rapidly, the
'goldbugs' OF Wall street arc riding rough
shod recklessly over all competitors and
monopolists are expressing private indus
tries with heels Of iron. docking up)
John, dear, the coffee is very weak. Why
don't you scold the cook? You know l
haven't the time to overlook domestic AZ
fairs, being absent from home all day.
And the biscuits, dearest How different
ITOIll tuOSt lhlutI w NDiHb'
ing) Poor mel l shall have dyspepsia b.
fore another week is ended. Turning to
Nary Daughter, how do you like your
| new bioycleP"
Mary-Oh, It Is just too nice for any
thing, and have outstrippod every other
girl In the neigbborhoOd racing round tho
block They are all envious Of me. But
what do you think, mammay Willie asked
me yesterday TO let him ride, and straddle
at that. (Willie bushes and covers his face
with his hands as he violently coughs.
The idea Of my brother, q boy, wanting to
ride bicycle 1t is ridiculous, indecent.
What would the other girls sayS
Mother (almost unnerved by tho disclo'
sure of Willies desirel-I am astounded
that my son, a Laterday, should SO far
have forgotten himself as to net in n man
ner so upbecoming little gentleman.
BE content, my child, with your dolls and
dresses These are better suited TO your
position.
Father (soothinely) There, darling
don't cry. Mother didn't intend TO hurt
my little angels feelings. Susan, yot
should deal more gently with tho gentle,
sex.
Mother-Hush, John! You are littl,
better than your son. Your head Is as soft
as putty.
Tears come into Johns eyes. IIo ant
Willie weep violently, while tho mother
and daughter eat in silence, apparently
deploring the weakness of the male sex.
After tho lapse of a fow moments John
an ideal husband, believing his wife 8 crit
ioism to be Just and proper, RECEIVERS I
SMILE and Willie, replacing fallen hair
pin. stuffs batter cake in his mouth. A
this interval the maid, an Irishman, clat
In lavender skirt, green whist and leBthe,
belt, enters, hands warm buckwheat
around, and with light "ourtsy" exits.
{ Wife-John, prefer that you engage
German or on Englishmap. The Hiber
bian. In my opinion. Is not suited for BIZ
, labors, Now our butler, tho French girl
Is exemplary, and none better could be SO
cured. BY the bye John. while think o
It, Lucy Harrison was inquiring your Ag
on yesterday.
John bursting into n temper)-The iden
The impertinence Of the woman or cours
Il Is all right TO ask yours, but ahusband
age should be held sacred and above tn
curiosity of the vulgar.
Tears again steal into his eyes and trio
HE noiseessly to his bread as he contem
} plates this objectionable insult
= Breakfast over, Susan arises cola 70
overcoat and rubbers and turns to 20 out
John 0nterruptiDgl-W!fey. desire I,
7 DO some shopping shis morning Pleas
give mo eco.
Susan-Oh. John, John, you orc YER,
| extravaganza and will break me yet.
think you might try to economize durinI
: these hard times.
Johp-But. Susan, you know my COS
metios are out, and must have moro be
fore tonight, because don't care to max
= O worse appearance than Mrs. B. 3 bus
band. Besides, my pug Is unwell an,
must have the immediate attention OF
, skillful physician. But shall take Fid
in the carriage to DR.. Cure instead of pay
: ing extra for visit.
Susan-Very we'll, John. You shall
have 1t. You were always dear oreatuI
l so kind and thoughtful; but, sweetheart
' DO wear small bonnet to tho theater thi
evening. detest largo bats, as do othe
5 ladies, and be sure to put on your lon
gloves, 30 as to conceal the horrid imprint
of vaccination on your arm, and don't re
} quire me to wait a long time while pre-
! pairing your toilet. 1t is SO annoying.
John-All right, dear You will fin
: me ready. Don't forget the opera tickets
, for am in such futter to hear the ne,
- sineer-such a charming soprano voice
!, and he Is so handsome. native born tia
:, Ian.
Susan-Goodby. I'll remember.
S Kisses him affectionately, lights a cigal
O. boards on electric car and Is off for tn
" troubles and cares of commercial life
n John re-enters the house, hastens I'll
s children to school, gives few direction
to the servants, changes his breakfs
:, gown for walking costume, and the La