The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1898-08-29
SOME RESULTS OF THE WAR.

The war being over the usefulness OF
the war correspondent had departed. SO
it followed that he was recalled and
placed upon the city staff of the paper.
When he reported for duty his hair
was long, his eyes were wild. and his
raiment smacked of sabers and bombs
and dynamite guns. But the city editor
was an optimist. and suspecting moth
Ing, assigned the ex-correspondent to
cover grand ball which was to take
place that evening
The ex-correspondent armed himself
with much copy paper and disappeared.
Early in the morning when the inside
forms had been locked up and only i'm
portant matter was being rushed across
the desk, the correspondent appeared
and turned in his story on the ball The
night editor FASTENED to fix up the story
and discovered the following:
"a grand review and dress parade was
held at the palatial quarters of Mrs.
Rocks last night. The quarters were
handsomely decorated with flags and
bunting.
'At $3.50 exactly. the division formed in
brigade order. and headed by Gen. Rocks
advanced In platoons Reserves were
thrown out along the sides and to pro-
tect the flank of the division. The troops
remained very steady. despite the hot
fire from the orchestra.
Suddenly the van-firing line wayered
| and began to retreat. At the same mo-
ment the enemy made a desperate charge
| on the left wing and the shock drove the
| reserves, to their seats. Another detach-
! ment of the enemy cut off nearly one
| half of the division, including two brig
| AIDES of women In handsome costumes.
The remaining brigades recovered and
made magnificent charge across the
/ field. suffering heavy losses from the or
chestra batteries. The enemy was driven
| back 10 the trenches, however, and a
/ desperate hand-to-hand struggle fol-
| lowed, which lasted just thirty-five min
| utes.
| The enemy was beaten back, suffer
ing great. loss and the two brigades OF
| women were rescued and sent to the
| rear.
| "A number of sharp skirmishes and en-
! gagemenss occurred during the evening
in which the enemy was badly beaten,
and at last retreated TO the supper-room
in disorder, followed closely by the re-
| endorsements from the victorious troops
Following is list of those who partici-
| pated in the engagement"
| A good correspondent with a lively i'm
agination is now at liberty. The night
editor decided that he ought 10 be tray
cling with Steve Crane and was only
wasting his talent on a daily paper.
The Army Mule was in taIkative
mood and he smiled loudly as he whisked
hies away with his ears and patiently
waited for his driver.
1T does me good TO think about it,
he said. You see. have been kept here
away from a chance to fight. while other
mules have been sent to the front and
given an opportunity 10 gain glory.
have been very sore on the Admnistra-
ton for keeping me at home when ! ached
for a chance to fight. Why, l didn't
enlist 10 lie around peaceful camp.
Anyway. what makes me feel good is
the way those mules feel who were al
the front. They were starved and kicked
and neglected and forced to do any cd
thing, and they think they are heroes
they are awfully sore over the treatment
What makes il worse is the fact that a
Spanish mule got all the glory of the war
So l don't think l am so badly off after
all. s..ia
This war made me tired sir. You see
my great grandmother fought In the
Civil War and l have often heard her
tell of the battles and / thought | would
get show. but 1. didn't.
Dewey and Schley were the whole wal
this time. They are o. K. You don't
seem to understand what the noises are
that you hear coming from the corral
every night. Why that is the way We
celebrate. We yell one after the other
f Pluribus Dewey Magnum opus
Schley,' and Sic Semper Sampson
This may be mule talk, but we get
on TO a thing or two" said the Army
Mule as he turned around and proceeded
to the camp