The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-06-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

to be said.-Puck.
''She makes no secret of her ignor.
ance." ''Why should she? She
couldn't keep Puck.
She is mighty worthless girl who
does not improve man by marrying
him. Washington Democrat.
Quisz-''H How'd you tear your trous.
ers?" Sprocket Gust returned from
country ride 80 "Chainless dog. DE.
trolt Journal.
''Is your wife honest? l mean, do
you ever find her short in her &C.
counts?" "Well, 1 should say mott
You ought to hear her"
"Now, Bobbie," said the teacher in
the natural history class, what is
panther" ga man that makth panth,"
lisped Bobbie. Boston Traveller.
Mrs. Bilkins-"The new girl broke
four plates to-day" Mr.. Bilkins-
''Did she assign any reason for not
breaking the entire set?"-Ohio State
Journal.
Mrs. Flint (skeptioally)-"H'ml
What kind of a job do you want?" Sell
DUN Fedd with surprising candor)-
ANY kind of job dat 1 can't git,
mum. Puck.
Mr.. Newtied Wrestling with bread)
-'T thought you had a cooking-school
diploma" Mrs. Newtied (tearfully)
-"That is for cake. Inever took the
bread course. Puck.
Hoax-"If the driver of an ice
wagon weighs 200 pounds, what does
the man ON the back of the wagon
weigh?" Joax-'All right; l give it
up" Hoax -"Ice. - Philadelphia
Record
81 have a doctors certificate here
that l cannot sing tonight, said the
prima donna. "Whatr" roared the
manager. 'I'll give you certificate
that you never could sing. Detroit
Free Press.
Nothing will age so quickly as
poetry" Y.-'Indeed?" Cob,
yes; I've known young fellow to
write tender lines to his girl, and when
they were received they were pro-
nounced tough"
A-"What is Meyer doing now?"
B-"T saw him q little while ago with
his head in a moose, a knife at his
throat and foaming at the mouth. " A
--"Horriblel Where? Where?" B
cat the barber 'sl"-Standard.
Full of Grand Marches and Quick
steps. -Oletimer - SIS your married
life one grand sweet song?" New
lywed-"W swell, since l got baby it's
more like grand opera, with loud
calls for the author every night. -
Puck.
Blind Beggar-"T "Tbis dime you've
given me seems to be off color" Old
Lady" "Impostor! What do you
mean by wearing that sign and mis-"
Blind Beggar-"S Sign doesn't say I'm
color-hlind, does it?"-Philadelphia
Record.
''Thackeray master of stylel" re-
peated Cholie to the earnest person
my deah fellaw, you pawsitively don't
know what You are saying. I've seen
dozens of pictchaws of the old Johnny,
and not one of them showed coat
that had the least approach to fit. =
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"My wife," said the tall. lantern.
jawed man, ''is as womanly woman
as you could find, but she can ham
mer nails like lightning" Wonder
ful!' sang the chorus. Lightning"
the tall, lantern -iawed man continued,
"seldom strikes twice in the same
place. Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Dear mel" exclaimed the girl with
pensive, brown eyes and ink on her
fingers, "I wish l had entered school
a year sooner" "What is the matter.
dear?" "Things are in such an un.
settled state that | scarcely know what
advice TO give the country in my grad
uation essay Washington Star.
Little Tommy -"Papa, did you ever
see cyclone that blowed everything
up in the air; cows and horses, and
houses and things. upside down."
Papa We'll, no, Tommy, although
I've heard of it often" Little Tom
my-"Well, ! think it'd be rather
tiresome to live so long aud never SEQ
anything Harlem Life.
Now the gravediggers had become
aweary of what they deemed those
elderly jests 'Sad dog, he, one Of
them consequently took it upon him
self to remark, indicating Hamlet.
"Great Dane" replied the other,
boldly This fable teaches how easily
uncouth persons my jump from the
frying pan into the fre.-Detroit
Journal.
Marie, +" he cried passionately, as
he threw himself at the feet of the rich
widow, "will you be my wife?" "Yes,
John, she murmured. 1T means
the sacrifice of my fortune, for my in
come from my late husbands estate
ceases at my second marriage; but my
nv love for you is such Marie,
cannot accept the sacrificed II Is
too much | will he brother to
Won ~ Tondon Tit -BitJ