The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1898-12-30
GOT FUEL MEASURE.
The Young Man Who Had Some Fun
With the Knife Grinder.

After Having INDUCED In IL Great
Display of Erudition to Find That
His victim Knew II Little Himself.
'tHold en- I" said the young man with
the pale mustache. "Here's an Italian
knife grinder-or is he Greek?"
"What of him?" asked the youth with
the dynamite necktie.
"I'm going to give him job. Hello,
Garibaldi, he drawled, stopping to speak
to the knife grinder, cor Socrates What
compensation do you exact for comforting
a satisfactory degree of sharpness upon
the ordinary pocket weapon of commerce.
''Ten cents, - replied the grinder in ex-
cellent English.
Precisely SO, Plato, or Nepos,' re-
joined the young man. You operate
unon the implement in any manner that
may be stipulated, presumed"
'''Yes, sir; grind it any way you want
it.
at gratifles me, Aristophanes, or Tar
ouinius Superbus, beyond measure to find
that we can settle upon the preliminar1es
with SO little circumlocution. We will
consider the contract as awarded at the
figure designated and will proceed to
carry the specified agreement into actual
effect
Here he took from his pocket a pearl
handled knife with four blades.
'"Wha6 l wish to have done with the
implement, Pericles-or Petronius-is to
have this blade sharpened in a thoroughly
workmanlike manner"
Opening one of the blades, he handed
the knife to the grinder.
''You will observe he said, Hthat this
is the file blade. The point is sufficiently
sharp already, but the rest of it, as you
cannot fail to see, is extremely dull and in
need of grinding"
''You don't expect me to sharpen the
file, do your
"Hippocrates, my friend-or Caligula,
as the case may be-permit me to recall
your attention to the terms of the contract
upon which we are now proceeding. 1t
was expressly stipulated and agreed that
this weapon was to be operated upon in
any manner that might be desired. 1t is
my desire, Apollodorus - or perhaps ]
should say Quintus Curtius-tha this par
ticular file blade at which you are now
sduinting, if I may use a term so unolass-
ical, be ground down until il shall have
attained satisfactory degree of sharpness,
its cutting edge is as keen as that of the
other blades. Do make myself sufficient
ly definite and coherentP"
'sOh, yes!'' responded the man with the
emery wheel, drawing his coat sleeve
across his nose. at think catch on"
A crowd of interested spectators had
gathered by this time, and the youth with
the dynamite necktie was beginning to
feel uneasy.
''Let's 60" he said, plucking his COM
panion by the sleeve. "You have had fun
enough out of this Let's get away from
here
'Grimshaw, replied the young man
with the pale mustache, turning severe
" reproachful countenance upon him,
syou are obstructing the transaction OF
business. Aristippus-or Scipio Africanus
it is clearly understood, is it not, that
the consideration shall be one dime-10
cents?"
eyes, that's all right.
GLOW long will it require to bring that
blade to the necessary thinness and sharp
ness, in accordance with the provisions OF
the contract previously entered into, may
I ask?"
''It will take about two hours" said the
grinder, examining the blade. 1.-The ma
terial is very hard, and it will grind down
slowly"
s'Well, then, Gloom brotus-or Luoius
Junius Brutus-I will voluntarily abate
and moderate the terms of the contract.
To descend to the commonplace forms OF
speech, you may sharpen any blade you
darn please, and your dimes ready for
you
''That may be your idea of a contract,
sir,'' said the grinder, applying the file
blade to the wheel, "but 1t isn't mine. 1t
takes two to make bargain, and it takes
two to break it. You shall have your
knife, sir, in about two hours, with the
file marks all erased from this
"Thas will do, my friend, - interrupted
the young man, with what was intended
to be patronizing smile. "You've earned
your dime already. Here it is. Give me
the knife, and we'll call it square.
"No, sir, retorted the other, grinding
away. "We'll not call it square till the
provisions of the contract have been car
ried out. Give yourself no uneasiness,
Grimes--or it is Ferguson-as regards
the strict fulfillment of the contract in
all it's particulars. 1t will be observed in
its ground plans and specifications, if II
takes the hide off haven't great deal
of work to do, anyhow. This is rather a
dull day with me, Thompson-or Jones
and prefer work to idleness, even if ]
don't get rich. would hardly have taken
you, Perkins-or Snodgrass-for man
who would voluntarily undertake to i'm
pair the obligation of contract. You
don It look like one of that sort. Faith
fulness to promise is one of the cardinal
virtues You remember, Alexander Ham
ilton says somewhere''-
But the young man with the pale mus
tache had fed, gasping, and the knife
grinder, an old schoolmaster in reduced
circumstances, was good four bladed
pooketknife ahead. Chicago Tribune.
Clever Old Dad.