The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1898-07-31
Epistles to ST. Paul,

There lives on Ashland avenue q gentle
man who shall, for the purpose of this DER
true tale, be nameless. For the rejoicing of
his soul and to the end that he may not be
driven to horrible death by thirst he has
been in the habit Of keeping in the family
ice chest store of symetricaliy blown bot
ties, adorned with blue ribbon, like prize
cattle, each containing portion of an amber
fluid much affected by men endowed with
THIRST as part Of their capital. Two weeks
ago the man who owns the ice chest and
the contents thereof became convinced that
somebody was drinking his beer. He searched
himself, and found no evidence Of mana-a-
potu and his wife gave no sign of breaking
down through over-indulgence in alcoholic
stimulants But the beer was going at
rate that showed positively that some one
with providentially bestowed thirst was dis
posing of 1t. The light-runnng domestic
who has charge Of the neither regions Of the
house was brought onto the carpet and ex-
amined. She was indignant. almost fearful,
and 1t took an abject apology to keep her
from leaving the house that minute. She
made display of guile that left no other
theory than that of burglars to account for
the disappearance of the beer.
A few days later the man of the house had
his attention called to the fact that the ice
wagon, in It's going and coming spent a
great deal Of time in front of his house. The
wagon was managed, he observed, by a Jolly
looking Teuton, with moribund visage that
gave no sign of an ascetic disposition on the
part OF the wearer of it. The man put two
and two and the icemen together, and had
an inspiration. That night he stopped in a
drug store and bought a portion of nux
vomica or ipecac or some of those drugs
With which materia medica is loaded for the
unwary. He took it home, and in the still
hours OF the night he got out bottle from
the ice chest carefully uncorked it, and put
the dope in. Then he corked it up, made 1t
look like new and put it back in it's place.
He went home early the next day. There
was crowd about his door, and the hospital
ambulance occupied the center of the STAGE
An ice wagon was located few steps away
he tore into the house to see if the wife
of his bosom was still living and forced his
way to the kitchen. On the kitchen floor
lay an ice man with an awful pain within him.
'Ach, Gott," said the ice man, throw water
on me. l am burning up The doctor was
trying to unfasten the knot he had tied him
self In, so that he might get action with the
stomach pump. Presently the ice man w
taken in the ambulance, and the domestic
later went away in the Ice wagon. The man
of the house had located the purloiner of his
beer. but for four hours he didn't know
him guilty of manslaughter or not
However," he said, in concluding the
story, "the ice man recovered and rSw leaves
my Ice on the edge of the sidewalk. He is
sadder Bud-weiser man. Ha, hal"
''Why," said Mike Daily sis an unlettered
man like a monograph"
Tim Reardon shook his head and glanced
at Dennis Sullivan who also shook his head.
why is it?" asked Tim.
Both can talk, but neither can read or
WRITE" answered Mr.. DAILY as he signaled
Ed Bazille to come and help him drink 1t up
A German and an Irishman were riding in
Smelling and they got into a heated
argument over what their respective nation
alities had done for the improvement of St.
Paul. The German the more voluble of
the two and did good deal of talking. When
he got through he demanded of the other
what the Irish had ever done for the city.
The car hove in sight of the high bridge at
that moment and the Irishman had an in
spiration.
''I'll tell you what we did," said he, eve
built the high bridge, so that those who
wanted to might have something to jump off
Of; now come on again.
A Midway farmer who is up in all the lat
est agricultural ideas was the other day
observed laying electric wires in his corn
field. His unscientifc neighbors watched and
pondered. Finally one holder than the rest
plucked up courage to inquire as to why he
was putting wires out there
why" he replied, $50 I can shock my
corn easily
In the union depot ticket office is a young
man named William Wallace. He would be
amusing if he were different. One day last
week a gentleman stepped up to the window
and asked for a half fare ticket for White
Bear.
"Who do you want 1t for?" asked Wallace.
The man wanted the ticket for his boy,
who was going to the lake with some friends
later in the day. He didn't expect he would
have to exhibit him to Mr. Wallace and had
not taken the youngster along. But he had
an inspiration. and turning around, saw a
number of children playing in the depot So
he pointed to one Of them and said:
81 want it for that boy
Wallace let him have the ticket
Yesterday the same gentleman was him
self going to the lake and stepping I'D to
the window, said:
"Give me a ticket to White Bear"
He expected to be asked who it was for.
but instead Of that Mr.. Wallace came I'D
with the question::
when you coming back?"
The man who wanted the ticket to White
Bear didn't think that material, so far
as the ticket agent was concerned but didn't
say So He did remark however, that he
wasn't coming back at all. The ticket was
produced, and out of a ffty-cent piece Wal
lace took thirty-fve cents.
The man had bought a ticket to White
Bear week ago for twenty-five cents and
wondered if the Duluth had raised the price
of tickets. So he asked Wallace If the
change was correct.
Wallace said it was, and the man musingly
walked off with his one-way ticket and his
fifteen cents. Now he is wondering whether
the price Of tickets bob up and down at the
will of Mr.. Wallace, or whether the young
man was trying to get even for holding out
information on him. The Philistine.
Newspapers.
Editor Charles Hopkins Clark of the Hart
ford Courant the newspaper with which
United States Senator Joseph S. Hawley was