The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-06-16
Remarkable Inventions.
From the washington Star.

LAOiA tilN w dSlllilBtOh star.
war and rumors of war" are stimulat-
ing the brains of the country nowadays to
produce something calculated to annihilate
innumerable Spaniards. Every conceivable
idea and design bearing on Notifications,
their armament, high explosives, shells and
projectles are pouring in daily.
Most of the inventive Reniuses state that
they themselves are without the necessary
funds for experimenting with and prose-
cutting their inventions, and therefore ere
anxious that the government should ex-
anime their designs and appropriate money
for their investigations. Uncle Sam, how
ever does not generally fall in with these
suggestions, which Is not surprising when
one knows a few of them.
One man conceived the brilliant Idea of
firing from a huge cannon an immense
pair of shears, which, as they went mer-
rily along their way should cut in two
whole regiments of the unhappy enemy.
But the board of ordnance and fortifica-
ton feared this might interfere too rerl-
ously with the comfort of the enemy, es-
pecialy at meal times, so this inventor
was duly informed that his idea did not
seem practicable and could not there
fore, be tested at the governments expense
with a view to its future adoption for use
In the army. Another almost as startling
scheme met the same cruel fate-it was
called the electrical sword" In this
case the scientific execuuoner was to
wear, concealed In his ear, or any other
convenient little spot about his anatomy,
powerful battery. Then, when this mod
ern soldier with his advanced finde-siecle
munition of war, crosses swords with bis
ist-snap-spish-the latter re-
ceyes a shock
The enemy disappears In blaze OF
lightning and glory, leaving only a char
red mass behind But why since an cleo
trio circuit is supposed to have been es-
tablished by the crossing of swords, his
opponent should cheerfully ride off I'M
scathed with triumphant smile on his
countenance, the inventor sayeth not. Pos
sibly some of the New York newspapers
might; for, having got wind of this Won
derful Invention, they took 1t very Sc
riously, and pestered the department with
frequent inquiries as to how the invention
of 1.-THE electrical sword was progress
ing. Ii reminds one Of a little Joke dur
ing the Mexican war, when the govern
ment had invited suggestions as to the
best method of arming regiment of lane
ers John Phenix, with a temerity which
nearly cost him court martial, sent a
plan and drawings for furnishing each
trooper with a long lance ending in hook,
the which, IL was suggested, should be
atory to placing him on the ground and
there dispatchng him. Incidentally the
hook would be Of service in retaining de-
serters.
But the war department is not alone
honored with these brilliant schemes; the
patent office comes In for its share, and
recently was called upon 10 protect the
notable discovery of a Western minister
1t consisted in a she'll which at one fell
swoon should remove Sagasta, Ceryera
his fleet Spain and any stray dons who
might be lingering around, looking on
at Porto Rico or the Philippines. And
"the special virtue of this she'll" It was
stated "lay not alone in its extraordinary
destructive power, but also In the fact
That IL saved the souls Of those whose bod
les 1t destroyed"
Considering that its object was to de-
stroy Spaniards this was certainly a most
kindly and needful precaution-worthy Of
the inventors Christian calling.