The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-07-10
HE WAS NOT PR0FANE.
But lie Thought the Occasion Justified
Few Remarks.

"a
p,ety. ne boosted that in ali his life he
mad never used profane language. one
Lacking into the farmers face with its
s.1ate rightly OF expression. would cas-
tv heueve the Yaunt was not VAIN.
tsueciany the observer must have real-
ized mis- character OF virtue Oh the sun
dav morning in which this story opens.
me farmer and his wife stood on the
steps. just about 10 start across the
nelts fo church The farmer was robed
to sut his face. 90 form whole
or gratifying sancuty. Ills black coat
,od waistcoat were Immaculate, and
th.lr appropriate angularity OF outline
yy,s MOI thwarted by amy effort on the
tailor.s part 90 make them III. Iheir
eniendor doomed nightly. for though
tney composed the one best suit, occa-
sions for the display OF such magnihcence
We're rare
The farmers wife turned suddenly and
cried.
"Oh You haven't tied up that calf"
A pained look appeared on the poor
mans nneamenis as Doc replied:
no / forgot that calf
Here an argument cnsucd as 10 the
course OF procedure. Both agreed that
the calf must be secured i'm the stable.
otherwise IL might be- gored py the cows.
Put Oh. wife insisted that the farmer
should change his clothes before attempt
ing fo secure the cali. uasmuch as the
Juvenile beast was of pecunar activity,
and the barnyard. where 30 then roamed.
was deep with mud.
The farmer. however. declared that 10
stop 10 make TWO toilets would make
him late TO church. and ultimately on ms
promising TO bee most cautious, his Wlfe
let him 20. following him as far az the
fence. mat she might note the events IN
the arena.
The calf stood in the center OF the yard
and ma not move AZ the farmer up
proached-that is. not until the farmer
reached Tor the animals ear. At that
moment the calf executed an astounding
piroutte. and tnen Gathered away bleat-
ing sarcastically.
The farmer rolled up his trousers and
started ln pursuit After ten minutes or
hot chasing the calf was brought 10 bay
I'm a corner. The farmer studied the po-
sition and decided on spring ana
two-arm clutch az the calf IN genera.
Unfortunately. before he had executed
This manoeuver the sapient calf took the
initiative by Sd oOting himself Ike
battering ram between his enemys firm
lv planted legs The shock was so uneN-
necfed that the farmer was thrown hat
on his back I'm the mud. 10 the unDounded
horror OF his wife, who acted "a spec
tator. ana 10 the man himself. lie arose
and TO the ANXIOUS lamentations OF MS
wife he answered In a single phrase.
shut up
The excitement now became Intense.
Tho farmer no longer had need to choose
his movements In order 10 protect MS
clothes and he raced madly after tho
ewes but no words issued from his lips.
At last. as the bovine infant darted
mast HIM. he made a desperate lunBe ana
caught the fugitive b. the tail. IL -
true that he fell and was dragged some
distance I'm the mud yet he retained ms
grasp. Then ne scrambled TO his feet
and strobe valiantlytoward the open sta
BILE door. pulling the calf. which slid dole.
fully along with It's four feet all riga
for a movement in the other direction.
An the creatures efforts al resistance
were powerless 10 check the farmer ;
progress toward triumph. IL seemed
evident that the calf woald be finally Sc
cured n his tail held together.
The farmer waded through deep pud-
die of water that lay before the platform
on which the door opened. lie stepped
uuon the platform. he drew the calf no
from the ground. a foot below 20 place
beside him. The moment Of victory had
come
AT this instant the calf executed a
strategic anoeuver. lie whirled about
with amazing quickness; he leaped Wild
ly into the air. and as he leaped he kicked
the farmer in the chest. or Whereabouts;
then vanished into the stable.
The farmer was overturned by the
treacherous blow. and fell backward
head first into the muddy pool.
AS he crawled forth. vision OF misery
and mud beyond words. his wife heard
Farmer Straight mutter:
20 Lord. We never cussed i'm all my
life. but / do think that the time has
about come when / ought 10 make few
remarks. Judy.