Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1898-04-16

Landlady-1Iave you n young man.
Bridget? Servant-No'm. He's older'n
I be.-Boston Courier.
"That story would be good II 1t were
not for one thing" "what Is that?"
ut isn't."-Chicago Post.
II see that you're to leave the police
force at the first of the month, Tim
"Yer. sir. It's bad sleepin' out In win
ter"
THAT young man is making a name
for himself" whats his namcf"
"Lyznwinskie.' "well, I don't blame
him."-New York Sun.
Bacon-Do you suppose II was
mOdesty that prompted the author y
withhold his name from that poem
Egbert-No, I think 1t was prudence.
There" said the lady, pointing to
the woodplle. show does that strike
your" MADAM" responded Mr.. Per.
~ Patetic, II never saw the like
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Frank-Thcsc young widows have an
advantage over you girls. because they
know all about men. May-Yes; AMI
because the only men who know all
about them are dead.-Puck.
Teachcr-What do We learn from the
story Of Samson? Tommy with un.
pleasant results still manifest)-That
It doesn't pay ter have women folks
cut a fcllers hair.-Brooklyn Life.
Customer-1s the cashier In? Clerk
Yes; he's in. Customer--where Is he l
Clerk-1n Canada. CustOmer--1s the
proprietor in? Clerk-No: he's out
Customer-How much?-ChicagO News
II understand you have Joined the
literary brotherhood" EYES," replied
Lovelacc. II am now writing for llv.
Ing" And he dashed OF another beg
cling letter to his father.--Strand Mag
azlne.
Miss Singer-I wonder II that ricl
uncle Of mine remembered me wnen
he made his will? used to sing fol
him. Mr.. Law-I'm sure he must have
He hasn't left you anythlng.-ionkcra
Statesman.
Customer-IIow comes It, sir, thai
when ask for number Ave shoe, you
give me a number seven? Shoemakc,
Why, my dear sir. you'll be so proud
Of those shoes that your feet will swell
--Harper's Weekly.
Jasper-What do You think Howell.
meant when he spoke about one Of hi,
characters being n "hen.minded" won
an? Jumpuppe-Oh, guess he mean
that she never thought about anything
except her own sct.-Judge.
"Why did she get divorce from hel
husbandY" asked the New York WON
m who was visiting In Chicago. "Why
there was no one she could get n d.
vorcc from, was there's" was the sur
prised rcply.-New York World.
1T Is the nature OF a child to b,
wanting to do something" said the IN
thusiastic klndergartener. "As far n
I have noticed" said the mother Of SIX
1T Is the nature Of a child to be want
ing to do something else."-Clncinnat
Enquirer.
"Thcse shoes you sold me last weel
squeak so that they keep me awake
nights" said the customer. entering
the shoe store. MY dear SIR" replied
tho shoe dealer, rcassuringly. "y0l
shouldn't sleep In them."-YOnker
Statesman.
Bacon-I.et me shake your hand
dear boy. This Is one Of the happies
days Of your life. Egbert-YOu're To-
previous, old man. I'm not to be mar
ried until tomorrow. Bacon-That'
what say. This Is one Of the hap
piest days Of your life.
NO man ever obtained anythln,
worth having without working for II,
said Mrs. Bickers to her husband. VIII,
was In n discouraged mood. 'ThNt
so," replied Mr.. Bickcrs. rcfiectlvely
II remember that I obtained You with
out the slightest difficulty"
Mrs. Hunt Ia popular and prosperou
pauper)-Now, Albert, what'll yer ~
when l tike yer into the kind Idly
drorin' room? Albert Ia proficient p'
piD-Oh, all right. ! knOw-put o.
beautiful lorst look. and sy, "Oh, muv
ver, Is this 'eaveny"--Punch.
Mr.. Binks after an absence)-An'
30 you shot a burglar while here an'
unprotected. You are q clever llttl
woman. What became Of him? Mri
Binks--The other burglar carried hlr
of. Mr.. Binks-What other burglar
Mrs. Binks-The one aimed at.
"Man." said the severe lady Of tn
house, "man, don't You know that 20,
have no right to be poor? Economy
wealth." Eyes, ma'am, sure" replie'
Never Workmuch, "that's right. II
making a good beglnnin' on economy
too. l amt used any soap nor wastes
no water for tree months"
Mother--Niali, ! wish you'd never 3
TO Frau HOfrathln's house! Daughtc
But why not, mamma! Mother--le
cause she's always gadding about til
streets! Why, she actually has printe
on her visiting cards, AT home Nor
days from four o'clock" The Lor
only knows where she can be the res
of the time.-Der Floh.
"Johnnie," said his father, I'm SUI
prised TO hear that you have dared t
dispute with your mother" "But sh
was wrong, pa" replied Johnnie. "Tha
has nothing to do with It," said the oil
man; you might just as well prof
by my experience, and learn once fO
| all that xyhnn n woman saws N thing