The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1898-09-07
The Defcated Candidate.
nl AN EN-DEFEATED CANDIDATE.
H;M apologies to Geru Hammond. !

H!M apologies to Geru Humn0nd.l
MIR. EDITOR: Mr.. Jonathan Ilaysccd
WAS wclltO-dO farmer who lived at
nome, ana was content to pursue the
iolselcss tenor of his way, surrounded
by his happy family. When he came
10 TOWN., his trade was largely sought
after, (as is that of every other ,narl's,)
ana tie mean, petty methods employ
eu by unprincipled tradcsmcn to secure
Ills trade by appealing to his vanity
overcome by might the upright means
OF the less smart. Mr.. liaysecd. it was
noticed by these sharks, was Il we'll fed
man, consequently c0rpulent, kent his
beard trimmed and combcd, wore his
hair long, talked coarse and looked
wise. These being the principal re-
quirmcnts for IL man filling II public
trust. according to IN ancient thM.gh
not altogether extinct idea, he was
urged to run for an important office.
The suggestion, while quite tiattcriny,
almost stunned him, for he said: "No,
no. couldn't afford to stop my bust
ness for any Office now. I'm too busy.
appreciate your suggestion, but (lia.
ha.) really don't think I-(ah)-could
afford it," "But," urged the tcmptcr
you must remember You are citizen
and must obey the peoples call; you
must he patriotic enough to make some
sacrifices for your country; besides.
don't let the offices go to such fellows
us Hoppcrgrass, who arc too lazy to
make living Mt anything else" This
clinchcd the bargain. He spit and
looked at the floor right hard and then
spit again: "Oh, | wouldn't mind tax
ing it SO much, but it don't exactly
suit me right now" squinted his eyes,
sat on the small Of his back and looked
way OIL. The tempter pursued his
game knowing he had him checkma-
ted. "If the people call you out you
won't refuse, will you7" "No," ho re-
piled, looking very serious, but laugh
ing plum down in his stomach. II
couldn't refuse if they want me, but I'd
heap rather not (ha-ha-a-a.') Hayseed
starts home, speaks to everybody, and
like the new-mnde groom, thinks
everybody loves him and he loves
everybody. Even his old mare feels
the change that has come over the
spirit of his dreams. That night, after
supper, he calls his wife tenderly and
says: "Molly, I guess you'd better
begin to pack up and let's move to
town. Pm going to run for .
They've been after me so much about
it, l don't see how can get out of it.n
"Who's been after you, Jonathan ?"
'AAw, don't know, several" .'Wcll,
l just can't do it. Idon't want to move
to town; we're fixed up here now and
we'd better stay"
But the next day she tells him she's
studied it over and is willing to move
to town. That much is settled. MIR.
Hayseed blossoms out into n Sunday
School lecturer and sings very loud in
the choir. He loves to go to Church
and will ride long ways, nearly to the
neighbOring County, to hear O good
sermon OF any other kind, and when
the contribution box comes round he
slips ~ dollar in and looks pious.
The day after tho election he comes
to town to hear how the other fellows
come out. In counting the votes, his
name seems to him as silent as the
letter "g" i'll the word "gnat," and he
gets disgusted with the whole proceed
ing, hitches up his marc, lights his last
cigar and says. "Whon, darn you, can't
you stand still 7" On the way home ho
actually thinks, and thinks out loud,
"D-n it to HI, don't give d-n.
Pm d-n elnd of it. didn't want it,
anyhow" Come up here, d-n yo,l.n
On the piazzn, his wife waits for him
to get i'll haiiing distance from over the
long rocky hill leading down to the
house," (Silence) whats the ncws
from the elcction?" Whoa. hold Iii
your head "What's the news from.
the election, snyP" "Whoa, you old
fool, can't you hold up your head, act
just like You amt had nothin' to eat in
II month";" all this while jerking mt the
bit and kicking SO as to drown the per-
sistent inquircr's voice. This time sh0
was by his side and asked: "WcU,
Jonathan, how's the election 7" CAV, r
don't know. Snooks is first, Snyder
second, and Icomc in there somewhere.
but that don't make any difference; I
can't take it, nohow. We couldn't
move, aud it don't suit my business, so
| just come home and left it there with
EN- And then he took big chew of
tobncco and didn't say anything till
next week. EX-CANDrDATE.
--.ee-s--c1---
Recruits Xantel for the Army