The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1898-03-05
THE GEORGIA HUMORIST
PHiLO SOPHER is STILL PERAMBULATINC
IN WESTERN STATES.
Some Interesting Experiences Which Be
fell Him on Christmas Day Young
America with a Tin Horn Horriies Bar
tow Man.

3 tow Man.
1t was long race and hard one
race against time and Santa Claus
for I had promised to be at home OF
Christmas eve to preside at the Christ
mas tree. but failed. Twas 800 mile.
away in Texas and could have made 1t,
but our train was belated and did no,
connect, and I had 10 spend o long,
long weary day in Shreveport. There
IS only one train a day from there to
Meridian, and I was sick and lonesome
and longed for the rest and comfort Of
home and kindred. Eight days in
Texas and never saw the sun. II
rained or it sleeted every day. But
they told me they had sun sometimes
and invited me to come back in Au.
gust. Everything was out of joint.
All my travel from town to town was
by night in broken doses, for the trains
were never on time and had to sit up
and nod in cold depots from one to
three hours at almost every departure,
and at the very Last, when my hopes
were buoyant and I was .homeward
bound, went to the depot at Nacag-
doches at 3 o'clock in a cold rainy
night and the train never got there
until 3. l knew then that we would
be left, but the conductor said they
would wait for us. He was hilarious
individual. A friend introduced me
to him as Bill Arp. "Bill who?" said
he. "Bill Arp, you have read after
him, l reckon" eyes" said he, 81
have, and he don't cut no figure with
me-" OF course 1 was mortified. He
passed on, but came back in minute
and said to my friend, "I don't take
any stock in these infidels. I wasent
raised that way. 1 believe there is
heaven and a hell and Bob Ingersoll
nor Bill Arp can't fool me about it,"
My friend was mortified and said:
s'What has Bill Arp got to do with
Bob Ingersoll?" "Well," said tho
conductor, '1've been told that they
are the same man, and they don't cut
any figure with me-" He hurried on
and told another man that he reckoned
l was Bob Ingersoll, for if 1 wasn't
would have hit him, for said he, 81
would hit any man who called me Bob
Ingersoll." Of course was not calm
and serene, for while going from
Vicksburg to Monroe on my outward
trip man asked me where preached,
and 1 felt complimented. The car |
was full of preachers going to the
synod, and he supposed I was one of |
of them. And again I was mistaken
for preacher st Jacksonville by the
barber. I gave him quarter, and
he was about to hand me back Is
cents, and Said, ''You are preacher,
amt you?" ''No," eaid 1, "what
made you think I was q prcacher?"
"Yor look like one," said he. and he
took back the nickel. So you see
was comforting myself on my reverend
when ell of a sudden !
was openly snubbed for being an in
fdel.
But my greatest misfortune in los
ing day was in having to travel on
Christmas eve any night All along
the line the boys were on a spree, and
by the time we reached Vicksburg Mr..
the conductor, was tired
out. He is patient, considerate
man, and I sympathized with his eff.
|orts to keep the peace. We parted
company at Vicksburg, and he re-
marked that it was the hardest days
work he had had in years.
Then came the tug of war. Christ.
mas eve and night at Vioksburg and on
70 Meridian was pandemonium. The
negroes swarmed in at both ends of
he carat least hundred, and near.
y all were drunk and had bottles and
ugs without number. They were
rom the neighboring country and had
been ''away down to Vicksburg town"
o get supplies for Christmas.
About dozen of us found
ourselves suddenly penned in
he middle of the car by the odifer. .
'us compound and resolved to make
freak for liberty and fresh air. One ,
zig, bold man said he would make ,
Vay and we must follow, and we did. ,
We seized our grips and got out some. j
low. The next car was full, too, and :
o we skipped round to the ladies' car
nd took refuge and standing room on
7, for it was crowded to overAowina !
18th women and children and Christ !
las doings of ell kinds. Doll CARR. I
ges and boys wagons and boxes and :
aper sacks and toys and tin horns and {
askets full of all sorts of tricks and 4.
resents. One whole seat was occu- :
led with an express wagon and IL was !.
Ill of bananas. Small boys were toot- :
lg horns all along the line-tootl toot!
-toot! tootl "Stop that, Bob, said
md parent, ''now stop itl' Bob a
;opped moment, till the fond parent
,sumed his conversation with friend. !"
hen he began, low and soft, but soop
Of louder and louder. sBob, / told
on to stop that racket. if you don't / | N
i'll throw that horn out Of the win
Nv. Bob stopped about two min
les and whispered to his mother that ).
Q window wasn't up. She, too, was
liking to friend. loot! foot! /
lard the horn-a kind of pianissimo
accato, but it soon swelled into tu-
ultuoso furissimo fortissimo, when n
n n on1vy &ho forJ x>o->~4 ..s-~5.