The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1898-04-14

That's alright. sonny" replies the ser
geant good naturally. We'll remember
you when you come back in October
''Warn be all over by then mutters
the applicant discontentedly as he leaves
the place.
Forward marches a short man with an
intelligent face ard an alert manner
whats. your height?" asks the SER
About feet inches. 1 amt very
big adds the man earnestly, but m
strong and quick. and l can stand more n
most big men,.
I'm afraid you're under the height.
Are you feet as you stand or in your
bare feet?"
AS | stand"
Cant take you. then. That's the re-
CURED height, and your shoes add half
an inch"
Don't 1 wish they did, exclaims the
man as he looks down at q sole worn TO
the thinness of paper No chance Tor
me sergeant"
regulat ions.
Out goes the man. commenting upon his
hard luck and followed by two other men
somewhat shorter than himself Into the
place left vacant by his steps 4 stalwart
young fellow. with a somewhat oui face.
After he has answered the preliminary
questions satisfactory and producer his
references the officer asks him if he can
read and write English.
Il kin read good. is the reply. an /
kin write if l got to- but l amt much on
Armed with pencil he toilsomely in
scribes few sentences on piece or
paper ..,,,,a.,u
your name?
Jerry Flynn
Well Flynn. you come back here to-
morrow. and il the doctors find you're all
sound we'll make you better man with
a musket than you are with PEN
Tn that easy" says Flynn, as he
strides out with shoulders squared and
chin uDlifted.
THAT looks like No. for today re-
marks one of the corporals.
This one doesn't look like No. 2, re-
bacco stained mouth slouches up TO the
desk.
Red. bony wrists appear at the openings
to his trousers pockets. into which MS
hands are thrust. His coat collar is
turned up. and his hat is cooked on one
side This denotes independence
Say. sergeant" he remarks, hauling
out dirty right hand for the purpose of
giving a still mora aggressive tilt to his
dignity; what is there in IL fer teller
to enlisr?''
How old are your
''TWenJy-nine. an hard as rocks.
r What's your business
We'll I'm up agin it just now. But m
g scrapper when theys trouble aroun !.
Say. I'm the worst in the ward when
Don't want you" says the sergeant
sharply.
"Huh2"
Don't want you. We don't take buns
in the army
well, Iook-a-here. I give it to yer
straight. I'm"
Get out of the oface. You're wasting
Astonishment and disgust are pictur-
esquely mingled in the countenance of the
scrapper as he detsrts to curse se,, gov
so ready to DISPENSE with his peculiar
abilities. 1t is only his kind that meet
with harsh rebuffs. Courtesy is the rule
round-vested individual who, painting and
perspiring. is an object for any mans
mirth. as he waddles up to the desk is
received with perfect gravity.
Il want to puff. puff enlist"
How old are you2"
Five feet iive the last time I stood up.
Whewl Those stairs took all my wind"
How much do you weigh?"
Well. l dunno exactly. Something I'M
Sorry but we can't take you"
fat?' says the applicant: so obviously
hurt at the possibility of such an I'M
feeling provision of the United States
army that the kindly official casts about
You're over age; I judge" he says.
How old are your"
''Thirty-two last fall"
Thirty IS our limit. We can't take
You keep it terrible hot here" the
applicant remarks as he retires hopping
his f2ca.
What would he look like at the end of
q i0-mile march?" says the corporal. look
ing up from his ledger after the visitor
has departed. and the others grin
Eenter a youth with beautiful plaid
necktie. He looks around the room hest
tatingly.
Say, he says, with the air of conf
dence characteristic of the man who
lie hal oil
know it. Where does a fellow join the
army?"
Right here" answered the sergeant
Hit it first thing" says the newcomer.
a private No. sir. no marching for me.
/ want a sword and a horse in mine. I
want to enlist as lieutenant"
What's the matter with captain?"
asks one of the corporals.
Are you a captain" inquiries the
youth; and without waiting for a reply
he continues: Il thought I'd start in be-
ing lieutenant and after I'd learned the
ropes I'd be a captain
What do you work at?" asked the
sergeant.
senger.'
do you think you could get me a job
as president of that bank?" says the Of
ficer gravely.
wei; I guess nit. returns the other
think they go around looking fer fellers
to he president? \ mans got to work
up to that"
You've got less chance of enlisting as
q. lieutenant than | have OF being Dresi-
dent of your bank. If YOU enlist you en-
list as private and jump when You get
an order. How old are you2
But the flashing necktie of the youth is
already making a streak of light toward
the door. His place is taken by a man
who has difficulty in remaining stationary
in any place.
wanna fl for honor-hic-country." he
answered.
one OF the corporals tackled him. in
forming him that there is no war at
present.
Wanna die on-hic-fier o. battle
IAN right; come back tomorrow"
.Hooray fer Starspaggled Banner"
cries the would be martyr. and goes pom
derously forth assisted by the corporal
That's the first drunk today" COM
ments the sergeant. fMost days it seems