The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1898-07-28

visit former friend, and while driving
out where he lived noticed that bolt
of my wagon had become loose. While
1 was examining it native came along.
The horses l was driving were spirited
ones, and not daring to leave them, and
seeing / would need monkey-wrench,
l asked the newcomer if he would go
to the house near by and see if he could
borrow one for me. AS a further in
ducement I exhibited % cent piece.
I'D like ter oblige We stranger" repli-
ed the native earnestly, as he looked
longingly at the money l held out, Il
really would. But, We see, I've gone
out of the accommodation biz'ness."
"Why?" 1 asked bluntly.
"Wul," he answered, as he shifted I'M
easily about on his feet, "last week 1
wuz comm along this yere road when
l met neighbor of mine. BILL said
he, L wish you would go up ter my
house an see if my wife is thar Wul,
like ter be accommodating an all tibet,
so | went. Right thar wuz whar 1
made mistake, fer no sooner wuz 1
at the door then I wuz hit with mop
handle, skillet, three iron pans an
few other things that didn't hev time
ter take notice of. Of course she polo
gize when hit wuz all over, sayin' tibet
she thought [ WuZ her husban,' but [
can't see how tibet made matters any
better fer me. Thet's how things stand,
stranger. I'D really like ter accommo
date ye, really would. Maybe hits
jes' ez We say hit amt nothin' but
monkey wrench tibet We want; an then
maybe yer wife lives up thar an We
wish ter find out whether she is on the
warpath or not l can't afford ter take
any chances. I'm married man N.Y.
self. But if We want ter go up in thar
I'll go with ye an stand out in the mid
die of the road an lend my moral sup
port"
II concluded to risk the loose bolt
and rode on" -Detroit Free Press.
Gen. Joseph S. Smith, of Maine, tells
in the New York Tribune how he pub
lished a paper without press in Bath,
Maine, many years ago: "When I'd
get my paper all set up and ready for
press I'd lay the type on washstand,
get it leveled down we'll in the chase or
in the frame in which it was locked up,
and then I'd call in the hired girl. She
weighed about 21O pounds when she sat
down. That's what l Misunderstanding
down weight. So, after the hired girl
came in, linked the type, laid over it
the sheet of paper and on top of that
the blankets, and then politely invited
the hired girl to sit down on the wash
stand. Two hundred and ten pounds,
remember. The result was just as good
an impression as you could get on any
$175 hand press made in the United
States. My edition in those days was
about 200 copies, and the hired girl was
good for the job at one sitting-nO, at
200 sittings. And she took an interest
in it, too, and was just as ready for bus
mess every publication day as $4,000
Hoe perfecting press would be-"
All right, General. We have heard
that story before. We tried the scheme
once. 1t was most conspicuous fail
ure. The pages Of the paper are usual
ly square and the tympan or impress
sion surface of the press should
conform to that shape. 1t is needless
to call the attention of Gen. Smith to
the fact that hired girls are not built
that way. Then again, the impression
surface of press of the "platen" vari-
ETY. should be flat. If any inequalities
exist in the impression surface of the
press they will cause trouble, which an
only be overcome by what is in the
language of the profession called "over-
lays and ''underlays." But why go
into details? We have given funda-
mental disquaifcations inherent in
hired girls which will always prevent
their coming into general use as
substitute to the Washington hand
press.