The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1898-03-29
NO WAR FOR UNCLE EpH"

bird and said: GOO. morning, sir.
nope you are we'll" BILL ARP.
NO WAR FOR UNCLE EpH"
He Will Turn Democrat and Go I,
Preaching Rather Than Fight ioI
Cuba
Atlanta Constitution.
Uncle Eph is darkey Of "the ole
school, or rather of the noschool,
he has many gifts and graccs no
found among the post -bellum sons O
ham, Tor whom he shows undisruiset
contempt "'PoSsum and taters" is
MS ideal OF luxurious fare, and he ha,
"a magical power for discovering resin
ous pine spiinterS for kindling pur
poses. He has vivid recolectiops OF
the war between the States and tel.
with never failing Indignation of how
de ankees rid their hosses into old
massa's house and cusscd right fore
the white foxes" With a mystery of
misconception he hates Yankees, .
half.deifes Mr.. Lincoln and swears by
the Republican party.
Inc war talk which he hears on all
sides has quiclrened his memories OF
Cne stirring events OF the sixties ard
oherman's march through Georgia.
AS soon as ! have read the morning
paper hO wants to be told the war
news, and never fails while kindling
thc evening fire To- ask what the even
ing paper has to tell about r.dem
Spaniels"
~ few evenings ago the press dis.
patches were rather bare of any real
ncws, and were only padded with the
SpecuIatlonS OF the correspondents who
hau more space than facts at their dis
posal' When Uncle Eph made his in
qulrles while working with his fat
ilshCerd splinters" at the fire thought
| might interest him by Initiating the
reporters and manufacture a little
news warranted to furnish excitement.
Holding the paper closely before nv
eyes | spoke as if reading thus:
, President Mckinley has decided to
have war with Spain. He SAYS as
CUBA Is nearer TO the South than il is
TO the North he depends upon the
south To do most Of the lighting, and
that as most OF his party in the South
are negroes he relies upon them for
solGlerS. lie proposes therefore at an
early day to conscript all able bodied
NcpuOlcan negroes in the South and
ready To go to the front as soon as the
first gun fires. He can, he thinks. in
this way give all the negroes Offices in
the army, and this will be a relief to
him since he fin Is himself without
emo Ugh postoillcCs to go around" "
My news Item might have been
iengthencd, but was cut by Uncle
Eph, who couldn't restrain himself
longer. lie dropped his /. kindling
wood, stood erect, with an expression
OF countcnanCc he hasn't had since the
" pattcrrollers' quit running him
= fore dc war" He exclaimed, "rede
dat agin." Slowly | repeated The
statements about the conscripting OF
the colored troops, while he recovered
his lghtwoOd. 1t was too great a strain
Tor Uncle Eph's devotion to his party.
he said Den de Democrats has
duthin' to do wild dis war bizness ?"
Certainly not" | said. "It is not
our tight. We would be set OF fools
to let you Republicans have all the
postolliccs and we go OIL and be shot in
oracr 10 Keep up government for
your crowd. Mr.. Mckinley knows
TINS, and he is depending on YOU
negroes and the poor white trash,
that make up the Republican party tu
do the lighting in this war. he is not
giving you pOstoilices and such like for
nothing" The arguement overwhelm.
ed him.
Wen, dat do head me, shore. Mas
John, you knows dat white trash amt
a-glne to lite. You list as well spec a
mound dog TO stay trccd in yallcw
jackets nes rs TO spec poor white trash
IKE desc white publicans to fife dem
Spanlels If you git 'em in dar dev
g"lne ter run, and what is more 'fan
1at you amt gwine to git 'em dar.
Doy Is nifty handy about postollices and
slch ike, but guns and shOOtir', dat
don't suit 'cm none. NCder docs war
suit q nigger. Hits fist and skull wild
him, or maybe he mOut cut some wild
his raHJr. But when dc big guns gin
to shutc de niggcr gwinc ter git rite
ober de Tense and streak it for home.
Now | jis tell you, Mas John, if Mr..
Mckinley is u plannin' like what YOU
redc in dat paper here is gwine to
be sight Changin' about here,
shore as you is born. | already feel de
Democrat risin' Up in me. You know
my old massa vas a Democrat anyhow.
He raise me dat way. ! tell you, Mas
John, hates dem Yankees yit, what rid
de horses into the big house and cussed
rite dar fore old Miss, hopes de
Spaniels will git some of dem blue.
coat devils yit. But, bless yer soul,
dis Niger amt a.gwine to be thar
l'se a.gwine TO turn Democrat dis
night"
by this time Uncle Eph, who was
backing out OF the room while his
mouth was running was outside, and the
door closed. Presently the door opened
suddenly and uncle Eph pushed hi,
excited countenancc 'ar enough intt
the room to ask Mas John. ef 8
man was q publican preacher woult
dey make him go to dc war? Cas-,
ei dey gwinne to let preachers lone
wants to git me some licenses. | beer
a-fee lin' like | was called anyhow"
| Uncle Eph's Republicanis:u, IL no
his piety; had quickly reac ~ a stat,
OF revival. NJ