Evening star., 1898-01-08
IF WAR SHOULD BREAK OUT
The Agony That Would Tear the Heart.
strings of the English.
In Danger of Knocking q Few Hole,
Into Their Own Fortunes-
An Alarming Idea.

From the Chicago Evening Post
Even the remote possibility of a war is
a terrible thing to contemplate" said the
| thoughtful man who is always making
trouble for himself by thinking
There is something about that observa-
ton that has chestnutty flavor" return
| ed the man who makes it a point never to
do any more thinking than is absolutely
necessary to live.
"Ah. but the thought is peculiarly hor-
rible at this time explained the thought
| full man. '"The conditions are such that
| the result Of war-particularly a war with
| England-would be simply awful. You see,
| In considering these things the average
| man does not go far enough. He thinks of
| the loss of life and the loss of trade and
| tne pecunfary loss that would naturally
| loffow, but he overiooks entirely the most
| appalling features. He fails to dwell suffi-
GENTLY on the terrible conflict that would
| wage in the breast of many an English
| man when he should be thinking only of
his duty to his country.
| Picture to yourself the young Duke Of
Mariboroush on a sunboat just outside of
| New York harbor." went on the thoughtful
| man, warming up to his work. DUTY says
he must shell the town. Puff! A boom and
wreath of smoke, and what happens ?
He has blown the roof off his father-in-
! laws house or made serious inroads into
| the art treasures of his wife's uncle. Shall
he fire again? Think of the torture of try
Ing to answer that question:! Another shot
| may 5eopardiZe million or two that he
has hopes of getting later, or it may have
a serious effect upon some of his wife's in
vestments. In addition to this he has the
fortune of the Dowager Duchess of Marl.
| borough to think of, which amounted to
about 100000 when the late duke got his
| hands on It, and for all he knows some fool
gunner may lop a cipher off of it without
knowing what he's doing.
AVID
| through the head Of the young duke some-
body in the next boat is very likely worry
ing for fear he may knock the spots out
OF section Of the So. 100000 that Mrs.
brought Col. Ralph Vivian, while Hon. A.
II: Paget, who got a little something with
Miss Pauline Whitney. is trying to figure
out how he can avoid hitting the stock
| market and the Right Honorable Joseph
Chamberlain is shooting blank cartridges
| 10 avoid doing any harm to the securities
that he got with Miss Mary Endicott
| AT the same time L. z. Letter is on top
| OF the statue Of Liberty signaling to Hon.
George N. Curzon for heavens sake to
spare him and his fortune if only to show
his appreciation Of the $5OOOOGO that he
got with Miss Mary Letter. Then there Is
the s2oooWo that Miss Cornelia Martin
brought to the Earl of Craven and-But
why continue? Why harrow up the soul
by picturing the awful struggles that
| would come with such war? Why bring
] io1HC " ELuSlduu IedfIul thought that
| some OF her most promising young men
| would be sorely tempted to turn back from
| the war and tell her to chase herself down
| to India or the Soudan, where there is
| money to be made and not money to be
| lcst-where there are no wealthy relatives
to anger or financially disable?
| Il tell ycG, sir, and the thoughtful man
| became more emphatic, there is no limit
| to the terrors of war between this coun-
| try and any of the European nations that
| are old enough to have titles to sell. Think
| OF Prince Hatzfeldt storming the stock ex-
| change with Gatling gum Think of the
| Count de Castellane bombardng railroads
and smashing dividends! In the old days
1t was possible to go to war and kill peo-
| pie and burn towns without doing any
| serious injury to ones self or ones rela-
| tives, but it isn't so now. Any shot is
| likely to he boomerang, and there are
| relatives everywhere. 1t is worthy of note.
| too, that although this is young country
comparatively, it is rapidly becoming the
| papa-in-law of all the rest of creation
| The man who makes it a point never to
| do any more thinking than is necessary OBJ
| served the worried look of the man who
is always making trouble for himself
| yawned and replied carelessly:
| "A war would be sort Of tough woudn't
| it?"