New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1898-05-04
TIE TAIN OS THE DAY.

Engand's neutrality proclamation ia thus ex-
planned hy a Georgia darkv "Englunt dun got
mighty perticker. you know. an don't wanter be
bother Wild none or dem Spanish ner Amerikin war
ships a sheyellin coal oher dar. Englunt don't
want DO coal dust lyin in her eyes. an test up
an say the whole shootin match. CIT rite outen
yere er Will slap lie Partially law to you in
er minnit.'"
woman" he cried: woman do you thus spurn
my heart after leading me on?'
"Whon did lead you or. as you call ~" asked
"pid you not tell me that for lnet teller had told
you that You were 70 we'd handsome blond young
man with the grace Of Greek god and the voice VI
an 1.1lian harp indianapolis Journal
proix lawyer was recently arguing a case In
San Francisco before Judge Cofey. who dislikes
prolixlty When ne reached about the middle ~
his address the lawyer INTERCEPTED the rhetorical
question.
Need say more7"
Judge Corcy had been impat,enty waiting for
opening. and perceiving his opportunity
swered quickly, but with the hlandcst courtesy:
no brother. YOU need say nothing more"
BEFORE the lawyer realized the remark ~ the
Court. and while he about 70 resume his
ton. standing with open mouth and outstretched
hand. Judge COFFEE decided against him. dismissed
the proceeding and called the next case on his
docket
a lady engaged n cab TO convey her to Eus,on
Tine Was limited After proceeding quarter Of a
mae at funeral pace the passenger warned tho
train lie did 50. bur the speed soon subsidized 70
ae R@fe Won AS9 n ' Hsr dy yor
tender tender part to WAKE him up b ta The Jshu
"We, miss, I've hit the pore oss all over is body
except Is LEFT ear; aud I'm keepin' that for tho
Euston Road GRIT Bits.
A Paris paper says that NJ Antoine Varicle. Of
The French Geographical Society Is confident that
Is to be steered by means Of sail and a rope. MS
I'm the trips he made from Paris 10 Theneuil
and from Paris TO Hamburg The balloon Is
cylinder shaped the sail being below II is fur
nsh,d with electric lights and searchllght.
and will carry n total weight OF about three tons
Tbs balloon Will be inflated with hydrogen at
Juneau, whore the start will be made.
a correspondent sends us an instance OF tho nice
differentiation OF sex that sometimes Prevails IN
nursery. He has twins. who very particular IN
me mayer Sunst'u nrds for she or
morning the girl twin had said her prayers, when
must say 'Alades' / say Amen london
Globe.
General Gordon some years ago told Archbishop
Temple, of Canterbury. then Bishop OF Exeter that
he would undertake to convert tho whole OF Africa
to Christianity II the Church would permit each
man to marry four wives. But. on behalf Of tho
Church. Or. Temple was obliged to condemn tho
War has it's humors no less renowned than those
I'm times Of peace. only single men should he
called into the service OF their country at this
time" exclaimed n man on Baltimorest. whilo the
regiment was passing by. II was rarried last
week. and am mighty glad OF IT," WELL" said
another. IT look upon II 40 good thing for
that the war came when II did May is moving
day with me- and would just soon go to
to movc."-( Baltimore News.
certain Philadelphia cemetery company has
sent the following letter to tho military authorities
OF that city: I'VE herewith respectfully beg leave
to submit offer made in SINGERS faith and with
earnest hopo that tho occasion for Its acceptance
may arise. This cemetery company here
with tenders to and FOR the use OF tho OF your
regiment cemetery lot prominently located and
or suitable proportions for tho interment Of any OF
tho men OF your regiment who may be unfortunate
enough to fall upon tho field OF baltic upon which
our country is now entering"
There is thing you don't have to do any.
how" growled Mr.. Wipedunks through the laiher
razor: you are always complaining about your
hardships. You ought to be mighty thankful YOU
haven't got beard to bother you" II don't know
about that" replied Mrs. Wlpedunks. III I was a
bearded lady believe l could make better living
for this family than you're making."9Chicago
Tribune