The Van Buren press., 1898-12-17
HE WILL ENLIST NEXT TIME.
An Unfortunate stay-nf-home "p.
serves the Luck Of Man
who Was q Volunteer.


"If there is ever another war j am
going to enlist, regardless Of the
cause a..
This was the continuation OF din
ner talk at a club In this city. The
speaker proceeded;
"The other day | saw Mrs. Bank
irving TO hail the driver OF an Ice
wagon by yelling at him. l was dunn
founded. because she is generally
belpless creature, and | never heard OF
her interesting herself in any OF the
domestic duties of her house men
toned the unusual occurrence to my
wife al dinner, and she said she
thought II was very eommendabie In
Mrs. Blank. ventured TO reply that 1t
was not graceful and that l should not
care to see my wife yelling at an ice
man, or any man.
"'Bnt YOU see,' rejoined my wife as
she passed my cup, Mrs. Blanks nus
band was volunteer.
"sTrue.' said I, but his command
never got to the front. No fault OF his,
I admit. And now he is home and is
as healthy and robust as | am. lie told
me himself his army experience was an
outing for him, and that he never 1eit
better in his life
".ouite true said my wife, but Mrs.
Blank probably thinks of what might
have been. | saw her calling to the
teeman-she was not yelling, as you
put It; and she explained to me, dear,
that her husband had expressed a de-
sire for dish the preparation OF which
required an extra allowance of ice, and
that az he had said he had not tasted
the dish In question since he enlisted
she thought she would have 1t prepared,
and in order that there might be no
mistake she Just put on her hat and
attended to the order herself. And l
think il was very sweet Of her.
81 Immediately changed the topic.
After cigar l said | would call up
nv liveryman and have him send
around the victoria and team. l
thought an evening on Riverside in the
face of the moon about the proper
thing. As l was starting to the tele-
phone my wife put her arms around my
neck and said she had sent the team
around to Mrs. Blanks because Mrs.
Blank had said that Mr. Blank had not
been out for a drive since he enlisted.
Last Saturday | concluded | would
give my wife bit of surprise, and at
ten o'clock in the morning ] called her
| over the wire and told her to have the
man bring her to pier so-and-so, and to
bring her traps for bit of a cruise.
| She thanked me, and said | was
thoughtful, and put in some very pret-
ty talk. She said in the same treacle
| tone.
"'say, Jim, dear, do you care If Mr..
and Mrs. Blank join us?'
"'Whyg I shouted back. They had
the rig the other day when I wanted 1t.
Confound IT, cant we have our yacht
one night alone?' | asked.
well, | waited a minute for the eff
feet, and then | heard her voice, low
\ and sweet. Jim, dear, know ii was
not just right, but I had asked them
10 go aboard this evening after you
came up. | was going to surprise you.
And Mrs. Blank said Mr. Blank had not
been on a yacht since he enlisted.
thought it would be nice
"And SO it goes. Mr.. and Mrs. Blank
were at card party at my house, and
my wife said she hoped l would not
skin Mr. Blank as used to do, because
he had not been to card party since
he enlisted Mr.. Blank sent over for
my fishing outfit-you know that out
fit, which cost me $500 three years ago
never had it out but twice! Well was
out of town, and my wife sent it over;
and when / howled about it she said
poor Mr.. Blank had not been fishing
since he enlisted.
"And now Mr.. and Mrs. Blank and
my wife are away up in the Adiron
dacks. cause Mr.. Blank has not beer
anywhere since he enlisted. And wher
lie looks at me and sees me getting
red in the face he shuts one eye an6
says: Jim, you missed ii when yor
didn't enlist!' Why, darn his head, ht
hasn't been out of the state!"-N. Y
Sun.