The evening times., 1898-10-08
MIR. DooLEY AGAIN.
He Thinks 1t Is Hard to Be n Kin,
in These Days.

He Thinks 1t Is Hard to BE u King
in These Days.
| Mr.. Peter Dunno who writes the
| Dooiey lucubrations for the Chicago Jour
nal, has turned his teeming thoughts to-
| ward the anarchists who kill:
"Tis hard bein' king these days"
| said Mr.. Dooley. ''Manny's L man on
| throne wishes his father'd brought him
up a cooper. what with wages bein'
docked be parlymints an ragin' arnychists
runnin' wild with dinnynite bombs unher
their arms an carvin' knives in their
pockets. 'Onaisy.' as Hogan says. is tn
head that wears a crowen. They'se other
heads that're onaisy too, but yedon' hear
iv Thin But man grows up in wan iy
| thin furrin countries an he's thrained
f'r TO be king. Hiyin may've intinded
him f'r 4 dooce or Jack at tn most, but
| he has to follow tn same line as his
| father.
lis like pawnbrokin that way. Ye
| niver heerd iy a pawnbroker's son doin'
anything else. Wanst king always a
king Other mems sons may pack away
a shirt in thrunk an go out into tn
lndyanny bankers up 10 d shell game.
But man that's headed fr a throne
can't run away. He's got TO take tn job.
III ne KICKS they blindfold him an back
MN IN. Whin he goes on watch he's
cinched. He can't ask fr his time at
IN end " tn week an lave. He pays
hinsii He can't sthrike, because he'd
nave to ordher out tn polls to su5joo him
selt he can't go to the boss an say: Me
hours is too long an tn worruk is ta-
Jious Give me me pay check He mas
no ooss- A man can't be indipindint un-
less he has boss. 'Tis thrue. So he takes
IN place, an tn chances ARE he's tn big
gest omadhon in tn worruld. an knows
no more about runnin' d country thin
KNOW about iadin an orchesthy An
IL ne don't do anything he's a dummy
an II ne does do anything he's crazy
an "hln he does his foreman says: Sure
us tn divyules own time an | had sayin'
that basthoon firm desthroyin' himsilf
II II wasn't fr me tn poor thing'd have
closed down the wurruks an gone to tn
far-rm long ago.
An wan day. whin he's takin tn air
raps along comes an Eyetalyan. an
says he:
Are ye King?'
That's my name says His Majesty.
Bether dead says tn Eyetalian. an
over tn long r'road
Il don't know much about arnvchists
We had thin here-wanst They wrint
AGAIN poiismen mostly. Mebbe that's be-
cause polismens tn nearest things TO
Kings they cud find But annyhoW. 7
sometimes think | know why they're
arnychists somewhere an why they aint
In other places. 1t rayminds ME iy what
happened wanst in me cousin Terence's
lam ~ They was Twin down near Ha-
| ley's slough in wan iv Of Doherty's
houses, not Doherty that We know. tn
j'iner, good man whin he don't dhrink
No. twas an Of crouch iv a man be the
name of Malachi Doherty that used TO
keep hye-day- notices in his thrunk an
owned his own privit jistics iY tn peace
Me Cousin Terence was as dacirt a man
as iver shced hor'rse an his wife was
a good woman. too. though | niver took
much to tn Dolans. Firm TipDerary
they was, an too handy thruWin' things
at ye. An he had nice family CROWN
up. An / niver knowed people that lived
together more quite an amyable Twas
good f'r 10 see thin settin' ar-roun' tn
parlor, Terence spelIin' out tn newspaper
an his good woman mendin' socks an
HCnoria playin' tn Vale iv Avoca' on tn
piauny an the kids r-roWlin on III ffure.
But wan day il happened that that
whole family begun 10 rasp on wan an
other. Honoria'd set down at tn pianny
an tn OIL man'd growl: ''F"r tn love iv
tn saints. close down that hurdy-gurdy
an lave a man injye his headache An
tn good woman scolded Terence an tn
kids pulled III leg firm under tn stove.
an whin tn big boy. Mike. come home
firm Omaha he found none iv them
speakin' TO tn others. He cud do nawth-
| in an he wint FIR Father Kelly Father
Kelly shifted tn air whin he come in, an
says he:
Terence. what's tn mather with yee'r
catch BASIN?
Z" L dinnaw. growled Terence.
Well says Father Kelly 'ye put on
yeer hat this minyit an go out f'r
plumber he says
. i m not needed here, he says 'Yee'r
sowis ARE out of ordher.' he says
- Fetch in a plumber, he says, whilst
1 goes down to Doherty an make him
think his lease on tn hereafther is de-
fective.' he says"
'Yee'r right said Mr.. Hennessy, who
had followed the argument dimly
Nv coorse I'm right" said Mr.. Dooley
What they peed over there in furrin'
countries is not a priest. but a plumber
'Tis no good prayin' again arnychists,
Hinnisy. Arnychists is sewer gas