The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-07-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

anyway, tne peueSVrlaH mas tn6
law on his side" "Oh, of course but
he has the wheelman on his neck. -
Indianapolis Journal.
"One way to remove wet paint"
says the Frogtown Kid, sis to lean up
against it in your Sunday clothes. -
Philadelphia Record.
Hungry Tourist Waiter, two eggs,
pleased Boil them four minutes"
Waiter-"Yes, sir; be ready in half
second, sir. IT Bits.
Teacher-"W advantage had the
old Greeks over us, Hans?" Hans
| drawing long breath) )-"They did
not have to learn Greek"
SIS your new travelling man enter
prising?" 'Enterprising? That man
could sell a carved-ivory card-case to
an elephant. Chicago Record.
Rigby-''Did you fire your cook?"
Digby-"No; she fred herself.
Rigby-"French leave?" Digby-
"No; gasoline. Brooklyn Life.
She-'T made this cake for you,
dear, all by myself" He-'Do you
mean to tell me that you had no &C.
ces?"-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Teacher-"W "What became of the
children of Agamemnon?" Pupil
latter mature deliberation)-"I think
they're dead by this time. Harlem
Life.
Mamma-"Oh, dear! Jimmy, 1
don't believe you know what it is to
be good" Jimmy-"Yes L do, man.
ma It's not doing what you want to
do. Truth.
Teacher Ito class )-''In this stanza,
what is meant by the line, The shades
of night were falling fast?'" Bright
Scholar-"The people were pulling
down the blinds"
Greene-"You don't mean to say
you tell your wife everything you do?"
Gray" Hardly that. But 1 tell her
a great many things don't do
Boston Transcript.
"Papa, when horse laughs he kicks
up his heels, doesn't he?" 81 guess
So" "Well, old Bill has just laughed
at Bennie. Won't you come out and
carry him in?"-Truth.
Brown-''Ihat handsome UNI
brella you've got there, Robinson
eyes, Brown" "About what does it
cost to carry an umbrella like that?"
Robinson" Eternal vigilance.
An artist being asked, SIS sculpture
difficult?" answered.: "Why, bless
you, no! You have only to have
block of marble and chisel, and knock
off all the marble you don't want
Tit-Bits.
Watts" -"They say it costs $1,000 for
every man killed in battle" Petts-
"That is away too much. Why, if
man will hire good lawyer, he can
kill whole family for that much."-
Washington Star.
Observing Brother-"Mr. Smith is
down stairs waiting for you" Sister
Gladys-"Oh, is that SO? l wasn't
expecting a caller this evening" OBJ
serving Brother-"Did you think he
was ?"-Truth.
She-'I see poor Senator Lock is
dead" He-"I didn't know there was
any Senator by that name" She
"Oh, but there was! read only yes
terday how the Senate adjourned on
account of dead Lock.
"You say that your married life has
been miserable disappointment.
Wasn't it because you didn't marry the
right woman?" II suppose it was be-
cause she did not marry the right
man. Boston Transcript.
Badger-"You say you have so much
trouble to get paid for service, but l
notice you have bought new house
lately Some of your patients must
pay" DIR. Pellet-''They or their
heirs. Boston Transcript.
Mamma, what does jumpingat con-
clusions mean?" asked -year-old
Janet. 81 know" replied eight-year-
old Mabel, before mamma could reply.
"What does it mean, dear?" asked
mamma. "It means a kitty trying to
catch its tail.
"How did the surprise party at the
Cawkers' turn out? Was it a genuine
surprise?" Indeed it was. Some
body had given the Cawkers a hint,
and when we got there the house was
dark and there wasn't soul at home" Fl"
-Harper's Bazar.
'Is football game?" asked the
foreigner. Dunno" was the reply;
"but footballers are. When man
breaks both his legs and dislocates his
spine, and then won't go off the field
until the play is over, you bet he's
game Pick Me-Up.
He watched the pompous man get
ting measured for a suit of clothes.
cts an excellent thing" he said at
last. "that mans egotism is not IN
cluded in the measurements, or some
people would go broke paying for one
suit. Chicago Evening Post.
Mrs. TT am worried because my
husband is keeping something from
me, and | don't know what it is.
Mrs. S.-"My husband, too, is keep
ing something from me, and am wor.
ried because | do know what 1t is.
Mrs. T. "Indeedl What is it?" Mrs.
S.-.''It is money"
"Poor Tommy" reioined the good
woman, resuming her exercise. HE
belongs (whackD to gymnastic class
downtown, and (whack0 he's so tired
when he comes home in the afternoon
(whack! that haven't the heart to