Mesa free press., 1898-06-10

the theater tonight, but l felt that
couldn't afford 1t. She-Never mind,
dear. We can 60 tomorrow night
Life.
Henpeck-I have troubles Of my own.
Mrs. Henpeck-But you are the partner
of my woes. Henpeck-Yes, silent, as
In everything else.-Cincinnati Times
Star.
"The doctor would like to see you in
side," said the maid to the caller in the
reception room. "Not muchw said the
startled patient; 'he can't try any X
ray on me."-Yonkers Statesman.
Nodd-My wife told me If I wanted
peace with her, would have to resign
from my club. Todd-And you are
getting along all right now? Mold
Oh, yes. I'm living at the club.-Ex.
81 hear that the crowd assailed you
when you appeared at the Plunkville
Opera House." "False, me boy, false"
replied the eminent tragedian, Mr..
Barnes former; "all false. There was
no crowd" -Indianapolis Journal.
did you hear Of the accident which
befell your brother" Accident? No!
Not serious, hope?' "Well, rather.
An idea struck him, and now the entire
upper part of his head is paralyzed.'-
New York Herald.
Mr.. Isaacs-I sells you dot coat at a
grad sacrifice. Customer-But you say
that of all your goods. How do you
make living? Mr.. Isaacs-Mein frient,
| makes small profit on de paper and
string.-New York Weekly.
"What intensely red hair that young
man has" exclaimed Maud; I'm sur
prised that you seem to like him SO
WELL" "Oh," replied Mamie, II don't
like him very well. never invite him
to anything put pink teas" Washing
ton Star.
Gargoyle (back in town after years
absence)-When went away, Jones
and Brown were rival suitors for Miss
Twitter's hand. Which proved to be
the lucky man? Glanders-C Can't tell
that yet. She married Brown only a
month ago. Ask me again in about q
year.-Life.
Flick-Call him musician! Why, he
doesn't know the difference between a
nocturne and symphony. Flack-
You don't mean it? And they hurry to
get away from one another. Each Is
terribly afraid that the other will ask:
by the way, what is the differanceY'-
Boston Transcript.
'sNo, ma'am said Meandering Mike,
'T'm sorry, but it's ag'in my principles.
I can't split no wood" WELL" she an
swered, there will be load of coal
here this afternoon, and" "I'm sor-
ry ag'in; but can't carry no coal. But
I'll tell you what will do-I'I compro-
mise. Eff you've got gas-stove, I'll
turn on the gas. Washington Star.
"Here, you've been telling me ALI
along" said the bright-faced young
wife, what wonderful cook your
mother was; and now your Aunt Jane
has just told me that your father was
chronic dyspcptic." "Well, you see,"
the young husband murmured, with q
deep sigh, mother learned hy practic-
ing on father" -Cleveland Plain Deal
err.
"That young man Of yours" said the
observing parent, as his daughter came
down to breakfast, should apply for
a job in a dime museum" why, faith
err exclaimed the young lady, in tones
of indignation, what do you mean p
II noticed, when passed through the
hall late last night" answered the old
man, that he had two heads upon his
shoulders. Chicago News.
Foster So her father refused to con-
sent to your marriage with his daugh-
ter? Biglin-No, that's just the deuce
of it. He gave me no answer when l
told him what had called for, and told
me If l didn't leave in less than two
seconds, he'd kick me out. What's to be
done with fellow who will wander
off in that way from the subject of dis
cussion ?-Boston Transcript
Mrs. Greene-My husband is such a
thoughtful man! He always goes
down into the basement kitchen to
SIQOK0. Mis-. OTdy-<AIIu IcUS lule SluOhS
come upstairs into the dining-room
through the dumb waiter. Mrs. Greene
Yes, but that's because he is absent
minded, poor man. That has nothing
to do with his thoughtfulness, you
know.--Boston Transcript.
Attorney-You say you had called to
see Miss Billings and was at the house
at the time the burglary was commit
ted? Witness-Yes, sir. Attorney
Then how did it happen that when the
prisoner dashed into the room and as
saulted you, you leaped through the
window and went home, making no at
tempt to defend the lady or give the
alarm2 Witness-I thought it was her
fafher.-Life.
"My friend" said the kindly old gen.
tleman who likes to make acquaint-
ances while travelling, you should fol-
low my example. I strive to learn
something new every day." "NO," was