Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1898-06-29
ANTIBt,LLDOG TROUSERS.
Suburban Poets Plan of Self Preserva
ton Against q Neighbours Pet.

A Suburban Poets Plan of Self PreserVa-
ton Against a Neighbours Pet.
The poet came to town from his
suburban home last Friday wearing
/ a pair of trousers too long for him.
They resembled in pattern those dis
played in Bowery shops and mark
ed: Every Turfy, So; were "a. !"
The poet is modest man in his
clothes, and his appearance was a
severe shock to his friends.
cts all right" he said. II never
wore anything like them before, but
can tell you that am mighty glad
to get them now. They are dog pro-
tectors, and I fatter myself that I
am the originator of a clever scheme
to fool vicious dogs. A neighbor Of
mine, through whose land can
make short cut to the station,
owns a bulldog that is in an ad-
vanced stage of muscular develop
ment. This dog has teeth like a
shark, and his expression is fierce
and wicked. Two weeks ago, while
was cutting across my neighbours
land to get to the station, this very
ugly dog got after me and wrecked
pair of excellent trousers. I was
thoroughly angry, and I sent note
to the dogs owner telling Of the oo-
currence. He sent back word that
if I kept off of his ground his dog
wouldn It touch me. That was neigh
borly, wasn't it,
"Well, it SO happened that we
both had our clothes pressed and
cleaned by the same tailor, and
when my clothes were delivered two
nights ago l found with them this
pair of trousers. Half an hour later
the tailor returned and said that he
had left somewhere by mistake q
pair of trousers belonging to Mr..
Blank. Blank is the man who owns
the bulldog. My plan came to me
like an inspiration.
"'Have you seen Mr.. Blanks
trousersS' asked the tailor.
"'No, replied. I have trouble
enough keeping track of my own
without bothering about anybody
else's trousers
The tailor went away to continue
his search, and / proceeded to test
my plan. I have always heard that
bulldog will not bite any one who
is wearing his masters trousers.
That is said to be one of the peculiar
traits of the beast. / knew that if
Blank had worn his trousers around
his home the pattern of them would
be firmly impressed on the bulldogs
memory. To test it I got into por-
tiOns of three suits of heavy winter
underclOthes and then drew over
them Blanks trousers. It was dark,
and l knew that the bulldog was
loose on Blanks grounds. l invaded
his yard, and as soon as that dog
heard me he growled and made a
rush at my legs. The suspense of
that moment was awful, but had
faith in the underclothes If the
trousers didn't work. On came the
dog with his mouth open for a big
bite, and just as he reached the
trousers he stopped. When thought
it over afterward, the bulldogs sur
prise struck me as humorous. He
looked at the trousers and then at
me. Then he whined and skunk back
to the house. The trousers had con-
quered. This morning oversight,
and 1t was necessary for me to cut
across Blanks grounds to get my
train. 1put on Blank trousers, and
the dog simply looked me over as I
rushed past and wagged his tail. ]
believe that Blank owes me the
price of pair of trousers because of
the damage his dog did to mine, SO
that my conscience does not prick
me for keeping these things. They
don't look we'll, but they are worth
all Of my other trousers put together
az protection against Blank bull
dog. New York Sun.