The herald., 1898-11-24
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F.. Mr.. DOOLEY'S RESPECTS :
. TO RUDYARD KIPlING :
, sssss

81 think" said Mr.. Dooley, 9Th finest
pothry in tn wur-ruld is wrote be that
fri nd of young Hogan's, a man be tn name
iv Roodyard Kipling. l see his PONIES in
tn pa-aper, Hinnissy, an they're all right.
They was wan about scraggin' Danny Deev,
er that done me a wurruld iv good. They
was a laad | wanst knew by tn name iv
Deever, an like as not he was tn same man.
He owed me money. Thin there was wan
that l see mintioned in tn war news wanst
in a while-th' less we f'rget tn more we
raymmber. That was hot pome an a good
wan. What | like about Kiylng is that his
PONIES is fright off tn bat like me con-ver-
sations witt you, me boy He's minyit-
man, r-ready pote that sleeps like tn drv-
er iv thrick 0. with his poetic pants in his
boots beside his bed an him r-ready to lump
out an slide down tn pole tn minyit tn
alarm sounds
Hes not such pote as Tim Seaman
that hasn't done anything since tn siege
iv Lin rick, an that was two hundred
year before he was BORN. He's prisidint
iv tn Pome Supply company-fr-resh po-
| thry delivered ivry day at yeer dure. Is
there an accident in grain illyvator? Ye
pick up ye'er mornin' pa-aper an they Sc
a pome about it be Roodyard Kipling. De
ye hear iv a manhole cover bein' blown up?
Roodyard is there with his r-ready pen.
'Tis WRITTEN iv Cashum-Cadi an tn book
iv tn great Gazelle, that a manhole cover
in anger is tin degrees worse than hell He
writes in all dialects an amy language,
plain an fancy pothry, pothry f'r young an
old, pothry be weight or linyar measure
ment, pothry FIR small parties iv eight or tin
a specyalty. What's tn raysult, Hinnissy ?
Most potes despise. But Roodyard Kip
ling's pothrv is aisy. Ye can skip through
it while y're eatin' breakfus an get c-rrect
idee iv tn current news iv tn day-who
won tn futball game, how SharlSey is thrain-
in FIR tn fight, an how nanny votes tn
Prohybitonist got FIR governor iv TIL state
v Texas. No col storage pothry FIR Kip
ling. Ivrything fr-resh an up-to- date All
lays laid this mornin'.
Hogan was in today r-readn' Kipling's
Fridah afternoon pome, an It's good pome.
He calls it 'Th' Thruce iv tn Bear This is
til way it happened: Roodyard Kiping
had just finished his mornn' batch v
pothry f'r tn home thrade an had ct his
dinner an was thnkin' iv r-iunnn' out in tn
country f'r a breath iv fr-resh air an an
article on tn way butthrine was cuttin' into
tn dairy farm whn in come a tllygram
sayin that th' czar iv Rooshia had sent out
circular letther sayin' ivrybody in tn
wurruld ought to get together an stop
maxim war an live quite and dull life
Now, Kipling don't like tn car Him an
tn car fell out about something an they
don't speak. So, SAYS Roodyard Kipling to
himself, he says Ill do him up he says.
An so he WRITES a pome to show that tn
cars letters not on the square Kipling's
like me, Hinnissy. Whin / want to say
anything lib'lous / stick it on to me Uncle
Mike. So be Roodyard Kipling. He
doesn't come Fright out an say: Nick. we're
u liarn but he tells about what tn czar done
to man he knowed be the name v Mutt tons.
Muttons, it seems, Hinnissy, was wanst a
hunter, an he wint out to take shot at tn
czar, who was dhressed up as a bear Well
Muttons run him down an was about to
plug him whn tn car says 'Hor on hol
on there he says. Don't shoot he says
Let's talk this over he says An Mutton
bein' foolish man, waited till the czar come
near him, an then tn czar feinted with his
left an put in a fright hook an pulled Oft
Mutton's face. l tell We, tits so. He JUS
bauled it off tn way ye'd haul off porous
plasther-raked off tn whole iv Mutton's
fr-ront ilivation. 4 like ye'er face he says
an took it. An all this time, an twas
fifty year ago, Muttons hasn't had face to
shave. Ne'er a one. So he goes ar-round
exhibitin' th' recent site an warnn' people
that whin they ARE shootn' bears they
must see that their gun is kept loaded an
their face is nailed on securely. If We liver
see bear that looks like a man, shoot him on
tn spot, or, betther still, run up an alley.
Ye must niver lose that face, Hinnssy"
81 showed tn pome to Father Kelly" con.
tinued Mr.. Dooley.
'What did he say?" asked Mr.. Hennessy
'He said,' Mr.. Dooley replied, "that cud
write as good wan mesilf, an he took th'