The herald., 1898-07-24
Garcia's Letter a Forgery
BY TELEPHONE FROM LIMBO
Davy Jones Threatens to Resign if the
Yanks Overwork Him

(Telephone call 14746, July g. a. n.y.
"B-z-Z-z-z-zt"
Hello! What's wanted?"
us this Davy Jones' locker?"
Yes. Who's talking?"
This Is Admiral SIMPSONS fleet Please
call Mr.. Jones to the phone. Hello!
That you, Mr.. Jones?"
YES; this is Davy Jones'"
admiral Sampson sends his respects and
begs to inform you that the Spanish fleet
is coming out of Santiago harbor. Kindly
prepare for its reception"
pretty crowded: but I'll do my best.
Goodbye"
"Good-bye." B-z-z-z-zt
Telephone call 14747. July 3, 1880 a. m.)
Bz-z-z-zt Hello! Is this Admiral
SIMPSONS fleet?"
| Eyes. Who's this talking?'
"Davy Jones' Present respects to Ad-
miral Sampson and inform him that Plu-
| ton, first of consignment, has been received.
Goodbye"
Telephone call 1474S, July 3, 10:45 a. mo-
B-z-z-z-zt Hello! SIMPSONS fleet?
This is Davy Jones' Furor received. Good
bye"
Telephone call 14749. July 3, u mo-
B-Z-Z-Z-Zt. OdmPsoH hcct :
Yes this is Davy Jones. Almirante Oquen-
do received. Coming pretty fast Any
more coming? What's that? Gosh!
| Goodby."
CTelephone Call 1475o, July g. 12:15 p. m.)
Bz-z-z-zt. Hello. Sampson! Say, slow
down there, can't you? Infanta Maria
Teresa just arrived. Don't hustle man SO.
his is no summer hotel. Good-by."
| Telephone Call 1851, July 8, 1890 p. No.
B-z-z-zt. Hello! Vizcaya arrived.
Have put out Standing Room Only sign.
This is getting beyond joke. Two of my
assistant mermen have struck. What are
you trying to do-bottle me up, too? No!
Apologies don't go. Good-by."
| telephone Call 14752 July 8, p. n.y.
B-z-z-z-zt Hello! That you, Sampson
No, 1 want the admiral himself.
Hello Look here Sampson. I'm boss here
and 1 want you to understand that I've
closed shop. See? The Cristobal Colon s
here, and she's the last. Understand that;
I've shut and locked the locker. and I'm
g/ng back now to sit on the cover. Thai
goes, too. Good-by."
| Telephone Call H753, July 4, 10 a. m.)
| B-z-z-z-zt Hello! This the White
House, U. S. A.?"
| "Yes; what's wanted?"
"Davy Jones respects to President Nc
Kinley, and he'd like to talk with him owe,
| the phone for minute. Hello!
This President Mckinley? Congratula-
tions, Mr.. President, on your glorious
Fourth"
Many thanks. Mr.. Jones Can be Of
any service to your"
Yes, Mr.. President; I want you to call
off your navy"
BEG pardon, Mr.. Jones. I don't think
quite understand you"
"Mr. President. I've got too much bust
ness. 1 want respite"
"But what have T.
I'll tell you. On May LIST got consign.
Dewey"
yes"
1--WE just got them nicely slowed away
and now come Admiral Sampson with g
rush order that's just swamped my &C.
commodations, and I'm hiring extra helI
| as fast as can"
I'm sorry we disconnected you, Mr.
Jones'"
Nov, Mr.. President, as between poten-
tate and potentste, I want to ask you II
you've any more Spanish ships In sight?"
well, there's another fleet around al
Suez that"
"Great green-eyed sea serpents Another
| Do you think want Spanish colony down
here? 1 won't stand it!''
But Mr.. Jones -
mo but about 1t, Mr.. President, I won't
stand 1t. You send 'em here and I'll turn
EN- back There's limit to my endurance
No. sir I'll turn the locker over to the mer-
men and go out of business, and that set
ties it."
VERY well, Mr.. Jones. In that case we'll
have to keep the Spanish fleet ourselves"
That's the idea, Mr. President. Con-
CALCULATIONS ont your victory and good
wait minute, Mr.. President. VIII you dc
me a favor?"
with pleasure, Mr.. Jones. What is it?''
III your nation gets into trouble with
Germany, let me know in time so that ]
can resign and go and climb tree"
Certainly. Goodbye, Mr.. JONES'
Thanks. Goodbye, Mr.. President"
B-x-z-x-st.-Nsw York sun.