Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1898-12-10
GRATIFYING THEIR CURIOSITY


@Here quick!n shouted the anxious
passenger in the blue suit, who had
dropped his valise into the water
while hurrying ashore at one of the
smart Upper Mississippi River towns
where the steamboat was making
landing.
"Here, quick, somebodylp be re-
peated. an give any one dollar
that viii fish that up for mel /
wouldn't lose it for s20l'
A boy of the genus wharfrat at
tired in a shirt, pair oftrousers, one
suspender, and straw hat with halt
the brim gone, instantly responded,
and after one or two dives succeeded
in bringing the lost vslise to the
surface.
Thanks, my boy, thanksT' fervent-
" exclaimed the traveller, grasping
his property, helping the urchin up
on the gangplank and giving him
the promised reward.
The owner Of the valise stepped
ashore, and, as the interested by
ISLANDERS gathered about him, he
raised his voice and said:
"When you know what is in that
satchel, gentlemen, you will not Won
der / don't want to lose it."
Here he opened it, took out a
package, carefully removed the wet
wrappings from it. and brought to
light small bottle.
az see it is entirely uninjured,'
he proceeded. at is only natural,
that you should feel some curiosity
about this. 1t affords me pleasure
to crafty that curiosity. This,
gentleman, is bottle of the celebra-
ted Headache Annihilator, for tho
formula of which / have refused an
offer of 100000 in cash, for the
reason, gentleman, that lis worth a
million. A headache simply can't
exist in the same neighborhood as
this remedy. Is there man or boy
in the sound of my voice who does
not suffer at times from that most
distressing OF maladies, a raging head
ache? Ifsuch there be, gentlemen,
as the poet says, go, mark him well
because it isn't hard to tell why he
is free from aches and paines-he
simply hasn't any brains. In order
that man may have a headache
it is absolutely necessary that there
should be something inside to ache.
] see by the intelligent countenances
about me that / am speaking TO
persons who are likely TO have
headaches, and who, in point of faot
do have them. Now, the purpose of
this remedy is to remove that ache
by acting Immediately on the seat
of the trouble-the brain. This
medicine, gentlemen. flies ct once to
the brain. 1t was invented and pre-
pared by man of brains. 1t ia the
product brains by brains, nd for
brains, to the end that people of
brains should not perish from the
earth, as the great President, who
sprang, from the people, himself so
happily remarked. Headache Ami
hilator, my fellow citizens, is abso-
lutely guaranteed to cure any and
every case OF headache when taken
according to directions. Inside this
yalise there are six dozen bottles of
my uneqnalled remedy, no more, no
less, and when they are gone, there
won I be any more for this com
mlnity today. l promise you that
Ordinarily, / sell the celebrated An.
nihilator for 81 bottle, but, for
the purpose of arousing the people
of this town TO the of merits of my
remedy, | am going to put the price
right down, for this time only, to
Is cents a bottle. When / come
here again you'll pay six times as
much. Who wants bottle? Thanks.
Who takes another3 Thank you
sir. One at time, gentlemen, one
at time"
Fifteen minutes later be went up
town with an empty valise and q
pocket bullying with silver coins.
A day or two afterward It was
learned that similar accident, fol.
lowed by similarly brisk trade in
the celebrated Headache Annihila.
tor, had happened to that enterprise
Ing traveller at more than a dozen
towns along the river.