The daily morning journal and courier., 1898-10-19

most or her choice tap of table beer, the
 merits of which her servants had dis
 covered, for it disappeared rapidly thus
 addressed her Irish butler: "Daly, what
 uo you think would be the best thing
 to do in order to save this beer as much as possible?' Well, maam,' replied
 the butler, T don't think you could do better than to place a barrel of good
 strong ale close by the side of it." An
 lrlsh girl called at the house in London
 Ill answer to an advertisement for
 general servant. Have you char
 acterF' asked the mistress, Indeed
 ma am, I'm sorry to say I've no charac-
 ter I had beautiful wan whin left
 Ireland, but I losht it the night I
 crossed over to Holyhead in the , steamer" was the laconic reply. An
 Irish man-servant was discovered in a
 lie. On being accused by his master
 or stating what was not the truth, he
 excused himself by saying: Please, sur,
 lost my prisence of mind" An Irish
 dispensary doctor told me of an old women who, being dissatisfied with an-
 other local practitioner, transferred the
 care of all her bodily ailments to him. So you prefer my medicines to those of Dr. Delany," he said to her once "Och,
 indeed, doctor, dear" she replied, we're a dale betther than that other ould humberg and imposther." A drunken man was staggering home with a sober friend Come on, Pat" said
 the latter; "come on; the road is long,"
 T know it's long, said Pat, as he
 lurched from side to side "but it's not
 the lingth of it, but the breadth of it
 that's killin me" A beggarman called
 on hopkeeper in Tralee, and, having told a pitiful tale of children starving at home, asked for a copper. The
 shopkeeper, suspecting that the man
 wanted the money for drink, exclaimed.
 Be off out of that, I know your game. You're collecting subscriptions for public house." The newly welded
 wife of Westmeath landlord, desiring to act the part of LadyBountiful, had school-house erected on the estate, and supplied the erstwhile barefooted children with shoes and stockings. One day the lady met a women who asked her for some favor which she was un-
 able to grant. An is that the thanks
 I get for maxim me children wear shoes and go to school to blaze ye?" was the Woman's indignant comment.
 | priest who was an enthusiastic | advocate of the blessings of temper ance, succeeded in inducing a worthy l but not very abstemous, parishioner l to take the pledge Shortly afterward 1 his reverence met the convert in a con-
 dition of advanced intoxication. How l is this, James," asked the amazed l priest; q thought you were g tee- l totaler." 1T am, yer riverence,' re- l piled James. "So I am teetotaler, but I am not bigoted one" Another 1 priest, having succeeded in getting a | parishioner who was arrested for being | drunk and disorderly discharged with
 caution, said to the man, Now, re- member, Pat, what brought you to the l dock" Faith, will, yer riverence, ?
 said Pat "I'l1 be even wid boy. Con-
 stable Feeney, yet A we'll known l Dublin temperance advocate was
 standing near public house waiting i for tram when man in rather in-
 toxicated condition, approached the
 tavern. "Stop," said the temperance advocate. "the devil is going in there with you" "He needn't, thin" said | the man, flor I've only tuppence''
 i One of the most incongruous remarks 5
 I ever heard was from the clerk to a
 chapel in Limerick. One Sunday dur
 ing mass a number of boys were play | ing in the yard of the chapel, when the clerk rushed out and shouted to them angrily. "Go into the divil out Of that,
 and say yer prayers" Kilkee is a de- lightful little seaside resort beside the
 Atlantic, on the Clare coast. A resident
 during a visit to Dublin complained to l a friend of the loneliness of the place. "Ah," said the other, thinking of the 5I Atlantic in it's many moods "but you have beautiful view" "Sorra a bit, ' l said the Kilkee man, "shure, there's nothing but the say betune us and I America" At Viceregal ball ir Dublin Castle a young military officer
 approached a pretty youny lady from tf (
 provinces who was sitting with hel
 mother, and asked whether he might
 have the pleasure of a dance, but be-
 fore she could reply the fond parent hastily broke in: Deed and you cant
 then have a dance with Molly. She's I keeping herself cool for the Earl o1
 ClanfurIy y"--London Telegraph.