The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-02-09
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

It is very seldom >that we seriously
regret anything we didn't say.-Life.
When a woman runs it is a mean
man who will use his camera --Somer-
vile Journal.
Judge-"Why did you steal the COM
plainants turkeys?" Prisoner-"He
had no chickens, your Honor. De
troit Journal
She--"Why is it called the silver
moon?" He--''Because it comes in
halves and quarters, 1 suppose. -
Chicago News.
Bacou--"And he's kind-hearted, is
he?" Egbert-" "Kind-hearted Why,
I don't believe he ever said an unkind
word, even to an alarm clockW
"What would you do if you had only
ten cents in the world, Kitty?" 'T
would buy caramels with it to raise
my spirits. Chicago Record.
Doubtful: Spendley-"Well, if my
money should go, dearest, you'd still
have metz Mrs. Spendley-"Don't
you be too sure about thatl"-Puck.
Instruction: Johnny "And does
the gasmeter measure the quantity of
gas you use?" Papa-"No, my son;
the quantity you have to pay for. -
Puck.
ma, is there any pie left in the
pantry?" "There is one piece, but
you can't have it." "You are mis-
taken, ma, I've had it."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
''He told me to get off the earth.
What do you suppose he meant?"
"He seemed to think that you needed
bath, evidently" - Louisville
Courier-Journal.
"You may fetter my body" he
shouted, "but my mind will wear no
chain" In other words, the wheel
in his head was of the '9S PATTERN
Indianapolis Journal.
Customer lin restauranN "This
beefsteak must be at least three weeks
old, isn't it?" Waiter--"Don know,
sab; Use only been heah two weeks,
sab. Chicago News.
Raggs-"Say, do you believe that
story of the goose laying the golden
egg?" Jaggs-"Well, it would be
Just like a goose to do such q foolish
thing, Chicago News.
Sloper las Miss Eastlake, his in
tended, finishes solo)--"What
voiceW Duncan (who has been re-
jected by Miss Eastlake)--"Yes, what
a voiccv'- Harlem Life.
ANorth of England paper says: "We
have adopted the eight-hour system
in this office. We commence work at
s o'clock in the morning and close at
in the evening Tit Bits
Matilda-"Have you spoken to
papa?" Bertie-"Yes; ! asked him
through the telephone and he an
swered: 4 don't know who you are,
but it's all right Pick, Me-Up.
Not Necessarily; Walter - $50
Bilker rents that forty-dollar-a-month
house of yours, does he? He pays
too much rent. Landlord (sighing)
-"You don't know him. Puck.
"Men's promises, the young wife
said between sobs, are like pie-crust
- "That's tough, said the young
husband, anl then she got angry
enough to cry.--IndiGnapolis Journal.
The Klondiker who returns with
$1,000 in gold dust usually estimates
the claim left behind at $50O,0 600. 1t
is well to keep these assets in a sep
arate class. st. Louis Globe-Demo-
crat.
Bride-"Counting your change,
George? 1t has been au expensive
trip, hasn't it?" George - THAT'S
right. 1t looks as if this honeymoon
would soon be off its last quarter. -
Puck.
Rapturous Youth -- Darling, my
salary is $40 a week Do you think
you could live ON that?" His Af-
tianced--"Why, yes, George, / can
get along on that. But what'll you
live on?"--Chicago Tribune.
Bingham" Bonner is so aggrayat-
ingly self-possessed. Rawlins--
Eyes. He could wear a checked golf
suit at a wedding and carry himself as
though the groom was a mere caddy."
Philadelphia North American.
Il have been complimented a great
many times on my stage presence,
said the amateur with disposition to
monopolize things. Yes" replied
the weary manager, you're all right
on that point. What you want to cul-
tiyate now is an occasional stage ab-
sence. Washington Star.
Robbins what in the world does
Hardy Upton mean by wearing a win
ter oyercoat and summer suit?"
Dobbins-"Why, report got around
that he had to soak his summer suit
before he got his winter overcoat out.
Hardy is trying to prove that the re-
port is unfounded. Puck.
Colonel Blood, says the current
issue of the Weekly Battle AK, "has
called at this office and demanded
retraction of our remark that he was a
famous liar. We retract cheerfully
and fully, and do SO by hereby stating
that the esteemed colonel is an iu-
famous liar. indianapolis journal.
Clarence-"G "Geneyieye, why will
you not hear me? Cau't you see that
/ am dying for your love? Tell me,
tell me that you will" Geneyieye
(interrupting) )-"Oh, please go away