The times., 1898-11-27
THE TALE OF A PUNCH BOWL.
One of Great Size Intended for MIR.
Mckinley Hns Come Not.

One of Great Size intended for MIR.
Mckinley Has Come Not.
Now 1t came to pass that as the time OF
Thanksgiving drew nigh the people of
the city called Toledo, in the country
called Ohio, gathered together in the pub
lie places and said: I'VE will send good
cheer to the ruler of the land who is
called Mckinley, and who came out of
the country of Ohio"
And the people rstoiced that this should
be so, and they consulted together with
their leaders and with men in high places
And It could not be found what manner
of good cheer they should send to the
ruler of the land. So the soothsayers and
scribes and money changers and those
who sat in the market places were
troubled in their minds. for many high
places were being prepared in the new
lands whereof Mckinley was ruler, and
the soothsayers and the scribes and the
money changers hungered after these
places which brought gold and silver and
fine raiment and myrrh.
So behold there appeared a man In Toll
edo who spake and said: I'VE will send
our ruler Mckinley a punch bowl, that
he may rejoice and say in his cups.
Verify, there are no flies upon the peo-
pie of Ohio. and will feed them"
So the people rejoiced and cried out,
Yea, it shall be punch bowl" And the
one who first spake OF the punch bowl
was anointed and his feet were bathed
with precious ointment.
So the goldsmiths and the silversmiths
and coppersmiths were gathered together
and they built the punch bowl. Ana II
was great punch bowl. being many
cubits high, and more eubits in circum-
ference. And 1t was of great beauty.
and was inscribed with the mark of the
people of Toledo, in the land of Ohio.
And upon its side 1t bore the head of the
Centurion Hanna and figures, which, be-
ing Interpreted, meant: God reigns and
the Republican party still lives
And the punch bowl was of such size
that great box was prepared for 1t and
many oxen were required to draw it.
And many of the high men OF Toledo
were chosen to go to Ruler Mckinley
with the punch bowl and to say: "oh,
Mckinley, ruler of the land and a man
of Ohio we bring this punch bowl from
Toledo that you and yours may have of
good cheer. And II 1t be that husbandmen
are needed in the vineyard We, the peo-
pie of Toledo are fond of pie"
And it came to pass that Ruler McKin-
ley heard the news Of the punch bowl
and he was sore troubled, for he was not
of those who drink punch But, the punch
bowl being the will of the people of To-
ledo he commGned win himself and.said:
Il will accept It, though cannot use
it,"
And Porter, the Scribe. set watch at the
gates for the coming OF the punch bowl
But 1t came to pass that the time of
Thanksgiving came ana passed over. and.
10 and behold. no punch bowl made its
appearance, nor any citizens with IL.
And Porter, the Scribe spake unto Nc
Kinley, the rG,er. saying: mo punch bowl
hath been sighted on the horizon. and 1t
is now the second day after the time OF
Thanksgiving. ] fear ,that the citizens
have learned that their ruler does not
drink punch, and thus have sidetracked
the Offering"
And Mckinley, the ruler. answered end
said: Verify. we shall lose no sleep over
the punch bowl"
But the watch Is still placed at the
gates. and they have not yet heard the
sound OF the strange punch bowl which,
mayhap, hath been sol upon by thieves
and thrown by the wayside.
Wherefore Porter the Scribe sought the
Wise Men who sit In the temples and in
quired diligently OF them eelrdins the
whereabouts OF the -punch bowl.
And the Wise Men held council and an
swered, saying:
"Oh. Scribe, the punt h bowl was not
according to the decrees of the C.niuri, II
Hanna, of the land of Ohio. Verify, the
punch bowl was unclean, being made Of
two metals and being after tee image Of
the ungodly who are bimetallists. Where
fore It was meet that the ruler Mckinley
should not receive it"
And Porter, the Scribe, returned in joy
TO his master. And from the places of
the bimetaliists came the sound OF wall
ing and gnashing of feet.