The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1898-12-27

that he niver med a brave man yet
that wasn't half fool. I've more sinse
an wisdom in tn back iv me thumb
thin all tn heroes in tn wurruld. That's
why [ amt hero. If Hobson had in
diligence, an if amy OF hen thried
to kiss him, he'd call FIR tn polls. Bein'
young an foolish, Whin me frind Samp-
son says, Is they amy man here that'Il
take this oil coal barge in loeyant an
sink it an save US tn throuble ~
drownin' on our way home" Lot. Hob
son says, says he: Here l am. cap
says he. I'll take it in he says. an
seal up tn hated Castles he says. so
that they can niver get out he says.
An he took some other la-ads-I f'rget
their names-they wasn't heroes, amy
how, but was wurrukin' be tn day-an'
he wint in in his underclothes, SOS not
to spoil his suit, an tn CASTLES hurled
death an destruction on him. an it
niver touched him, an thin they res
cued him firm himself an locked him
up in tn polls station, an fed him tn
best they knew how, an he Wint on
fletcher toor an here he is.
"On tn fiure iv the Merrimac. in his
light undherclothes. Loot HobsOn was
a sthrong- foolish man. On tn flure of
the Coates, bein' caressed be women
that'd kiss tn Indian in fr-ront iv a
tonmyhawk, he's still foolish. but not
sthrong. 'Tis so with all heroes. Ma
poleon Bonypart, the impror iv tn
Fr-rinch, had many carryin's on, I've
herd tell, an ivry man knows that
whin Jawn Sullivan wasn't in the
FIRING he was no encyclopedia FIR Until
ligence.
An Hobson'll larn. He's young yet,
tn Loot is, an he's goin' out to tn
CT
George. Cousin George is no hero, an
'tisn't on record that amy wan liver
thried to ScandaliZe his good name be
kissin' him. I'd as lave, if 1 was a
foolish woman. which thanks be, I'm
not hug a whitehead torpedo as Cousin
George. He'll be settfn' UP on tn roof
if his boat smokin' a good see-gar, an
wondhrin' how nanny iv tn babies
named after him'H be in tn pinitinchry
be tn time he gets back home. Up
comes me br-rave Hobson. Who ARE
We, disturbin' me gutter says Cousin
George. I'm a hero, says the Loot.
Ar-re We, faithH says Cousin George.
Well, he says, I can't do anything
FIR we in that line he says. All the
hero jobs on this boat he says. is
completely filed he says, be mesilf'
done, he says, So he says, L don't
49, ~
tn aid iv small boy, who can shovel
more love letthers an pothry overheard
than amy wan I liver see he says, I'm
able to clane up me hero business be-
fure noon ivry day. he says. What's
ye-er names? he says. 'Hobson,' says
the Loot. 'Niver heerd iv ye, says
Cousin George. .Where'd We Wurruk
last?' Why says the Loot, I'm TIL
man that sunk tn ship he says. az
I've been kissed be hundherds iv wo
men at home, he says Is that SOP
says Cousin George. We'll, 1 don't be-
lieve in sinkin' me own ship he says.
'Whin I'm lookin' FIR divarsion iv that
kind l sink somebody else's, he says.
Ills cheaper. AS FIR tn other thing,
he says, TIL less We say about that tn
betther,' he says If some if these
beauchious Ph'llippeen bellies ar-round
here hears he says, that ye're in that
line they may call on We to give ye
chaste salute he says, am he says,
frget,' he says, to take TIL -gars
out of their mouths he says. 'Ye de-
sthroyed a lot iv coal. We tell me, he
says. Do ye,' he says, go down stairs
now an shovel up a ton or two iv it.,
he says. Afther which, he says, We
can rol kag iv beer into me bedroom,
he says, FIR tbs dhry wurruk settin
UP here watchin expansion expand, he
saws.
That's what Cousin George'll say to
tn Loot. An whin tn Loot. comes
back he won't be a hero amy more,
an if amy woman thries to kiss him
he'll climb a three. Cousin George IL
make a man iv him. tbs kicks. not
kisses, that makes men iv heroes"
"WelI, maybe yere right" said Mr..
Hennessy. He's nawthin' but kid
annyhow-no older than my Oldest boy,
an l know what a fool he'd be If amy
wan asst him to be more iv arfool than
he is Hobson'n be famous, no matther
what foolish things he does.
Il dinnaw," said Mr. Dooley. 1t was
headed FIR him, but I'm afraid, as the
bull-yard players d say, flames been
kissed off.