The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1898-12-16

wh.sn,ry man with La.i an intc.ect can be-
come great statesman il he will preserve a
solemn and dlgnihed demoanor at all times
and coniine his remarks to self-evdent
truths.
For one thing, Bill has learned the value
of discreet silence. lie has stood around
with his hand in the bosom of his coat and
has assumed the attitude OF vast and god
like contemplation, and his fellow citizens,
observing his gloomy solitude and noting the
corrusat,on OF his rrow, have decided that
he is bordering on the future destiny of our
Institutions. AS matter OF fact, Bill is
probably trying to make up his mind as to
whether he prefers iine-cut to plug.
Bill makes money rs a lawyer, although
some of his colleagues inform me that he is
as ignorant OF the law as II he were Justice
OF the peace He has partnor-a small,
lean,. overworked man, who studies day and
night and provides the actual brain work
OF the combination, while Bill frowns al the
jury and gets all OF the credit for winning
the suits.
1t is the same in country politics. Two or
three cheap common, everyday politicians
do the real work OF the campaign. They
organize the townships and get up the poll
lists and marshal the workers and arrange
for meetings, hiring brass bands and raising
the money for flags and drums, and after
they have done the real work Bill goes and
sits on the rostrum and garcs ponderously
at his deluded countrymcn
But to appreciate the lofty tone of Bills
craftsmanship you should hear him make a
| political address.
Fellow citizens, we are on the eve of
another great contest, and the American
people the grandest sovereigns on Gods
| tootstoll, are about to decide whether this
glorious land is to continue in the proud
| pathway OF nationa! progress or wander
! into the pitfalls OF political disgrace. Oh,
my c3untymen, let Us unite beneath the
sun-Fissed folds of the stars and stripes, and
with renewed courage take up the glorious
battle tor liberty, union and freedom. On
| next tuesday evening the eagles of victory
will perch on our banners, and the honor
lntrusted to us by those patriotic sires who
fell at Bunker Hill will be safe in the hands
of the umptararum party
! The farmers listen to this highly original
| style OF discourse for an hour or more and
then 60 home talking in whispers.
! Is 1t any wonder that when the voters
wanted a larre and learned man to repre-
sent them in the state senate they turned to
| Bill!
1t seems to me that can hear some one
say that the drummer is jealous of Senator
Grayson. | will admit it, although be-
lieve that | am more regretful than Jealous.
| am sorry that | was not born large and
solemn instead of lean and good-natured.
! can never be real statesman. Bill how
''", has marvellous possibilities Lefore him.
- will continue to wear his Prince Albert
Goat and make feeling references to "old
! C.cry he MAJ he governor or something
worse some day.
/ Bill is such soulful patriot that rather
expected to find that he had gone to the war.
But he Is still at home. lie had to remain in
order to deliver an address of welcome to
farmers institute. In the course of his re-
marks he said that the farmers, the horny
handed sons of toll, the honest husbandmen,
are the bone and Drawn of our proud ma
ton"
Bills proud career will be unchecked un-
less some one accidentally turns an Xray
machine on him some day, and then it will
he discovered that he contains nothing ex-
cept boiled dinner and platitudes.-"Th he
Drummer" in Chicago Record.