The San Francisco call., 1898-04-14
FABLES WITHOUT MORALS

Why do you call this paper an
 extra ?" asked man who had purchas-
 ed an evening sheet and discovered that the matter it contained under
 startling headlines was at least twen-
 ty-four hours old.
 'Husl4." said the proprietor. If
 everybody asked such fool questions
 as that we would soon cease to pub
 fish any paper at all"
 Nevertheless the man went his way not wholly appeased.
 One day a yellow paper having fallen from a car window was found by an incautious skunk who was rash enough
 to nose it, and then proceeded home
 ward with an air of dejection and ill., ness.
 What is the matter, my dear?" asked his wife, approaching to greet him.
 Do not come near" he exclaimed. "On the way home I had an accident by which I acquired an intolerable odor. I have emptied my perfume sac in vain effort to overcome 1t" | Thereupon the skunk wept bitterly and agreed for a week to sleep out of | doors.
 A man meeting . friend whom he dis covered in the act of wiping a perspir- ing brow, remarked. 'Is 1t hot enough for you?"
 Plenty hot enough for me" replied the friend. wringing his handkerchief and replacing it in his pocket, "but the one we read about" Having spoken thus he seized cob blestone and smote the inquirer sore and dead. The Coroner having list ened patiently to the particulars, said he had seldom sat In a case which gave him so much genuine pleasure, and brought in a verdict of commendable homicide.
 A noisy Congressman rose in his place and in thunderous tones demanded war.
 'I suppose in case of getting that which you seek you would shoulder musket and haste to the front" said voice from the gallery.
 Tt would be unseemly for a person of my standing to do that" replied the speaker, unabashed, but if there Is any chance to give orders over long distance telephone oan be counted on."
 Later 1t was explained that while the Congressman was really of the rabid- fire variety. he was loaded to the mug gle with blank ammunition.
 Certainly killed the man." said the prisoner at the bar. addressing the court in easy conversational style, "but your Honor must bear in mind that I was crazy at the time; in fact, culti- vated state of insanity SO as to be enabled to kill him with the least risk to myself"
 Enter a plea of guilty" remarked the Judge to his clerk, "and add that in view of the attempt to play this dig nified court for a sucker the prisoner will be hanged at sunrise tomorrow"
 At this point spectators noticed for the first time that the figure of Justice had snatched the bandage from its eyes and was indulging in a wink.
 It befell that a prisoner was haled before a Police Judge and there ac- cused of vagrancy, which charge he was readily able to disprove. You are fined $50'' remarked the Judge, thoughtfully stroking luxuriant beard.
 But why" protested the defendants lawyer, should my client be fined when we have shown him not to be a yag- rant?"
 If you think there would be any thing like financial coup in fining a man unable to pay up you are not onto the ways of this august tribunal" re- sponded the Judge with crushing dig nity. In a brief time 1t was noted that the court and the bailiff had gone out to take drink.
 When sovereign state decided to erect a depot for its favorite monop- oly, search was made for honest men to administer the funds. Thereupon divers rogues, disgusting themselves, made clamor for the office, saying: We be the most honest of mortals, and we invite that our records be scanned and if 1t be found that any among us ever stole hot stove, then will we concede our unfitness.''
 But the suspicious of the people were not allayed and as the work pro- gressed they said among themselves: "verily if these fellows stole no hot stoves, surely they no more than wait ed for the stoves to cool"
 A woman being on the wltness-stand | was asked her business and replied that she was a lawyers assistant.
 T do not fully comprehend" said tho | court. "Who is the lawyer?"
 T do not mind telling you In con- fdence," said the woman. that he is any lawyer who needs the services of a widow to assist him in getting hold of a big estate"
 Then you are professional widow prepared to shed tears at the tomb of the millionaire for a fair whack of the proceeds?"
 Your judicial mind has exactly grasped the situation" acknowledged the woman, who was after brief con- sultation admitted straightway to the bar.
 By chance a Falsehood met q Repu- tation and threatened i'll.
 T do not fear you," said the Repu- tation.
 You would if you knew how solid I | am with the editor of the Yellow War Cryer," returned the Falsehood haught- fly.