The Monmouth inquirer., 1898-08-25
TROUBLES OF The eowsERs
After One OF His Rare Good Spells
He Has KeInPse.

He Has a Relapse
Mrs. Bowser has been married long
enough to know that the average hus-
band has his spells" He may be all
right one week and all wrong the next,
ard he must be taken as he runs The
other week Mr.. Bowser had his good
speAly on He took her to the theatre
and gave her $40 for new hat told
her to raise the cooks wages and aIx-
,iously inquired after her mothers
health. He went away from the house
Saturday noon fairly beaming with
goodness and as he reached the bot
tom step he turned and said:
'Tra-Ia, Chickeyl Well run down.
town this evening and see about get
ting some new silyerware. "
When he returned she was at the
door to meet him and greet him, but
he waved her aside and growled.
Come. now. don't be playing baby
at your ageis
Are you sick. Mr. Bowser?"
mo OF course notl
Has anything happened this after
aoon21
Mo- What's the matter that din
ner isn't ready If that good-for-
nothing cook doesn't get up and stir
her stumps more lively I'll fire her on
a minutes notice, Mrs. Bowser. you
never have any first-class help in the
house."
why, Mr.. Bowserl You told me
only yesterday that Anna was the
sInartest cook you ever saw n a
Kitchen"
Never did Never said a word
which could be twisted around to
mean such thing Anna isn't worth
her saltt"
but you talked Of raising her
wages"
4 did that to smarter her up. but it
is of no use. Discharge her to-mor-
rowl"
At the table Mr.. Bowser found fault
with the steak. the coffee, the potatoes,
and everything else, and finally called
out:
Mrs. Bowser, are you stone blind ~
"Of course not, she replied. What
Is it now?''
Then how came you to buy such
honey as this? Any one but blind
woman could see that 1t is buckwheat
and not clover. Why, a dog wouldn't
touch it."
But you ordered it yourself" f"
What / ordered this honeyip
You ordered 1t OF Green, through
the telephone, Thursday Don't you
remember. you had to spell out the
word honey before he could under
stand?'
Never. Never telephonedd. Never
spelled out the word Better take it
out and bury it,''
After dinner she began TO get ready
to go downtown, when he suddenly
looked up from his paper and asked.
What's up now?''
Why, you said we were to go down
town this evening
You must be crazy Don't you
suppose I ever want a night to sit
down and rest myself? It's wonder
there's a woman left alive on earth
It's nothing but gad, CAD. CAD. from
morning till night What do you
want downtown?"
You said we'd see about some sill
verware."
"silverware. silverwarel Great
Scot but is the woman a lunatic
We've got bushels of it now in the
house. We've got it in the closet,
down cellar, upstairs and in the gar
ret It'll be the insane asylum next. !"
'.Mr. Bowser, didn't you call me
.Chickey' when you went away at
noon?" she asked as she turned on him.
"Chickey. Neveri I'm not in the
chicken business"
aBut you certainly did,
s.I certainly didn't. Chickey? Well.
when / get as soft as that / want some
ice wagon to run over me"
About s o'clock that evening he re-
moved his shoes to put on his slip-
pers, but suddenly paused and inquir-
ed:
rs there darning- needle in this
house, Mrs. Bowser? ?"
"Why, certainly"
s'And a piece of sheep-twine?" ?"
What on earth do you want Of
sheep-twine?"
Il want to darn this hole in my
socK. Some mems wives can see such
things in half an hour, but this one
has been there three weeks I've got
to darn it, the same as / have to sew
on my own buttons. ! suppose I'll
have to make the bed and sweep the
floor in another week.
Those socks we're all right when
you changed Sunday. I'll darn 'em the
first thing in the morning"
mot muchl The limit has been
reached"
He wouldn't even let her get a darn
ing-needle for him, but he hunted one
out OF the basket and then. instead OF
taking yarn, he got a piece of twino
which had come around a package
and began to sew back and forth across
the hole He also made a determined
attempt to look like martyr. and he
succeeded so well that the cook, who
had looked in for a moment, beckoned
Mrs. Bowser out into the kitchen and
whispered:
81 knew it wouldn't last, ma am
knew it all the time. He's got his
high-jinks on again, and now nothing
will go right for the next month =
When Mr. Bowser had finished the
sock he put it on and went for his
overcoat. saying:
Il might as well do this job. too.
There's been a button loose for over
two years. but of course you wouldn't