Evening star., 1898-05-14
DO Sonaeth ing.
From the Chicago Record

Joyer'
DO Something.
= Chicag" Record.
Now. If l was Mckinley
I'll tell you what I'd do.
First of all I'd lombard
Havana and land lc0.UO0
Soldiers at Matanzas-
l think the name OF the
Place is. I'd go right
Up and capture BIanco
And his whole shcotin' match
Then As soon as l got
That cut OF the way I'd
60 after that other
Piace-Porto Rico, amt it?
It's somewheres near Cuba,
Or. anyway. 1t amt So far
ON but what we could get
Our fleet over there ana
Bombard whutever the nam,
OF the place Is on the coast.
I'm opposed TO this here
Policy Of delay. Why. the
Was been runnin' OH thee
Weeks now. AMI we haven't
Hau but cne CT two go. d
Scraps. They ought to fight
Every day. that's what
They ought to- do.
| like to get up in the
Morning and read about
a good. hot fight.
There's the Philippines,
Now Dewey done exactly what
1 sa 4 he'd do.
I've claimed all along that
Ii he could get past that
Battery, Or wEatever 1t is,
At the entrance to the
Harbor or the h8y-anyway
That body of water next to
Maniia-tEat he coulI ketch
That Spanish feet in
There and just pump the
Eyerlastin' dayllghts out Of
Them Spanish beats
II come out just exactly
As ! SAID il would
Why. l told my wife
Last week. | said:
If Dewey ever gets 'em
Cofnered there won't he
A thing tu it
Why. you see. il was
Cinch! He had-How
Many Ioats was ID he had?
Anyway. they'r re all right.
hVy f,poh 1 Knew
They We're too much for that
Spanish feet, with fits
Santa Something's -or-Other, am
That Don What
l looked that all up the
Other day, and | knew that
With a little generalship
We had 'em licked.
Now. ] want 'em to let
Sampson go. II Mckinley takes
My tip he'll call in Sampson
And say: Bill, want you
To coal up and start out
After them rats. Every time
You see Spanish flag
You open UP with your
Thirteen -inckers and simply
Destroy land and water
For ten miles around. want
You to make Morro castle
Look like an ash hemp.
And II you can locate that
Spanish fleet anywhere or
AT any time You tell the
Boys 1t the guns to keep
On vaHgin' away as long as
There's anything left that's
Big enough to be hit ny
A bullet. and then YOU 20
Do" "nstairs and make out
Your report. because You'll
Know by that time what's
Coin to happen, When you
Come up again the smoke'll
Be cleared away and
There won't he but one
Fleet to look at
That's what I'd say to
Bill Sampson if was
Only Mckinley.
Why. there's Bob Evans on
The lGway. What do you
Suppose he'd do II they'd
Ever give him the word to
Go? Say. he'd toss a few
o. them projectiles that'd
Go all the way through
Cuha and glance CT on
South America, or whatever
1t is below there.
He'd make tine-cut OF all
The tobacco CROWN within
Forty miles Of Havana.
LeI's get action.
I'd have every soldier In
The United States landed in
Cuba before tomorrow night,
And Ia start 25.O00 men
To the Philippine s-wkerever
They are-so quick IL would
Make v0ur head swim.
lr two weeks time I'd lave
The stars and stripes floatin'
Over the royal palace in
Madrid. If that's the capital Of
Spain, and I'd have old
W"yler locked up In the
Booby hatch. livln' on the
Same ratiCns that he used
To give to them con-
Them recor-someth
The motives down there in
Pinar del Rio CT some
Such place.
Nc kinley and Alger and
Long and the rest If 'em
Down there at Washington
Have got ME nearly tired
Out. Let's set fire to
Everything at once,
Dag gone 1t. let's touch OF
The whole bunch,
It's expensive, | know, but
WHO cares for finances
At Il time like this?
! dent know where the
Canary Islands are. and
] don't care a picayune, hut
II they re in the way and
Seem to annoy any COED
Patriotic American citizen.
WIN. let's send that ram.
The Katy-did. the Katoodin,
Or whatever in Sam Hill
The name is. and have the
Whole bunch Of islands
Pushed Off the map.
I'm not blrodthirsty
Man. and feel kind o
Sorry for the queen roogent,
Or whatever they call her,
Over there In the old
Country. hut then she's
A likely looking widow, and
l s'pose she'll manage to
Keep the wolf from the
Door, even If she has to go
And marry some king that's
Workin'. Anyway. when
We start in TO give
TOrchlight procession and
Set OF few fireworks we
Can't postpone the whole
Show just because some
Woman amt in sympathy
With the demonstration.
Let's make rough house from
One end OF Cuba to the other!
Give every Cuban shotgun
knd revolver and tell
Him TO go out md iusurge.
Hurry up them cowboys that
Rosenfeld or Roosevelt, or
Whatever in the dickens his
Name is, is goin' to take
Down there.
Start them IN at one end
OF the island and let 'em
Ride the whole length Of 1t.
I1ettin' out q few OF them
Ki-yis, and when they reached
The other end the Atlantic
Ocean would be full of
Spanish swimmin' north
And south.
Oh, start something!
Start sofnethtng!"
'iagnosis of Tommy's Case
X.
a-Ynmnnx I0nea sfava aunax