The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-08-24
HuMoR OF THE DAY.

his interiors. =" Unhappy mani
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Wiggs-'Was the hour late when
you arrlved?" Wages - "No, the
hour was on time. was trihe late,
however"
She-'Td like to take ride on the
tandem" He-"All right; I'm the
man to second your motion. New
York World.
Willie-"Pa, what do they make
talking machines off" His Father
''The first one was made out of rib,
my son. Life.
His Tommy Tommy Don't
you hear me calling you?" Tommy
''No, ma-not word. PleaseS holler
a little louder"
"a man can't be in two places at
once," observed his friend. "Oh,
l don't know" replied the Office
holder, refiectively. Puck.
He-"Then you think kissing is
not wrong?" She-"The ideal Why,
l wouldn't be seen doing such a
thingw-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Isabel wants to sell her grand
fathers clock" ''Is she in reduced
circumstances" "No; she has bought
an older one. Detroit Free Press.
Friend-"W why are you joining the
audience in kissing your own play?"
Author-'If l don't they'll find out
I'm the author. New York Journal
Mother-"Dea mel The baby has
swallowed that piece of worsted."
Father-''That's nothing to the yarns
she'll have to swallow if she lives to
grow up"
Friend-"Do you raise vegetables?"
Suburbanite tsadly)-"No, | only
plant them; and, as you will observe,
my neighbors' chickens raise them"
Judge.
Mrs. Newed (engaging cook)-
'Have you had much experienced"
Cook-"Yes, mum; I've worked for
tin families in tn lasht two wakes. -
Harlem Life.
"We've got to ecOnomize, said Mr..
Gargoyle to his wife. Very well,
replied the good woman, cheerfully.
"You shave yourself and I'll cut your
hair. Tit Bits.
SIS he man whom one can trust?"
asked Gazzam of Maddox, speaking of
Twitters. "He is man who is will
ing to be trusted with anything. -
Detroit Free Press.
Mother-"Whatl Swinging the cat
by its tail againl How often have l
told you to be kind to dumb animals.
Tommy-"But, ma, she amt dumb;
listen to her hollerl'
81 suppose there is a great deal of
interest in His Lordship since his
marriage?" Certainly It's highly
interesting to see him with visible
means of support. Puck.
"This war will do us good, know.
'In what wG~?" my husband
probably will come home feeling
brave enough to help me discharge
Bridget. Chicago Record.
"Will you be brave and fight for
your country, Henry?" well, will
fight for my country; but l tell you
honestly, / shall be scared to death
until find myself safe home again.
Miss Spacer-"I suppose when
Joke gets into an almanac it is sup
posed to be old" Mr.. Scribbler-
"Oh, nol-a joke cannot really be
called old until it gets into an Eng
lishman. Puck.
"TRe subject of Alice's graduation
essay, you remember, was Aim
High. -" ''Yes." "Well, she has
been throwing herself at the new
preachers head, and he is six feet
tall. ."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Here," said the ambitious boarI
er, sis an advertisement of bicycle
clothes. Do bicycles have to wear
clothes?" Every well enameled
wheel, said the Cheerful Idiot, has
at least four coats. Indianapolis
Journal.
81 asked little Jim the difference
between inertia and momentum. ="
"Did he know anything about itP'
eyes; he said inertia is something
that won't start and momentum is
something that won't stop De
troit Free Press.
Mrs. Wiggles--'I didn't know that
Mr.. Binks had title" Mrs. Wag-
giles Neither did l. What is it?'
Mrs. Wiggles-"W Well, his servant
says that everything comes addressed
James Binks, c. o. D."-Somer-
vile Mass. Journal.
Mrs. Brown see IN the paper
that they won't allow any man 10 en-
list who can't read aud write the Eng
lish language. Mr.. Brown-"Write
the English language? Graciou J Are
they only going to take college pro
fessors and few literary men. -
Harper's Bazaar.
Pardon me, sir said the burglar,
"but I'm going to ball aud mistook
the house" "No mistake, said the
householder; don't apologize. Tho
ball is herei" aud he covered the in
truder with his revolver until the
minion of the law made his tardy APP
pearance. Pick Ne Up.