davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
"oLD COMPARISON"


An Eccentric westerner Who Has Gained
the sobriquet.
The people around the little mountain
town. says the Yakima Wash. } Herald,
called him "Old Comparison, and l
knew in general way why the sobriquet
had been given him, but did not. during
my months stay. have an opportunity
to test it, though had a speaking ac-
quaintance with him. One day l was
passing his house and be was sitting on
the steps of the little vine clad porch
in front
Good morning. l said. "It's q
lovely day"
"Finer'n silk" he responded.
"How are ycu this morniDg?''
''Friskier'n colt.
"How's your wife?''
''Pearter'n pullet.
1.-THE weather is very hot and dry for
this season, don't you think?''
"Hotter'n a run horse and drier'n a
clean shirt. "
al suppose you went to the wedding
last night in the meeting houses A
pretty bride, thought "
"Purtier'n speckled dog"
1.-The young man is very rich, hear. /"
''Richer'n fertilizer foot thick"
by the way, are you willing 10 sell
me those saw logs Brown couldn't take
of your handsg"
"Williner'n girl to get spliced. 3"
"When can see them2'
"Quicker'n q lamb can shake his
tail +"
And the old man grabbed his hat and
stick and led the way to the river, offer
ing no remark, but answering all ques-
tions as usual.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
relt Acquainted.

A Boston lady Of the most reserved
ard exclusive type was waiting for her
charge at the glove counter in one Of
the large stores when she was ap-
preached by a very large, gaudily dressed
and loud looking woman, who held out
a rudgy hand in a bright green kid
glove and said:
Why, how do you do. Mrs Dlank?'
Mrs Blank ignored the profered
hand and, drawing herself up stifiy,
said ffigidly:
Il Go not think that / know you.
madam
mo. ] s'pose not. =" replied the wom-
an, IN nowise embarrassed by the cold
uess Of her reception, "but I've knowed
you by sight for long time, and now
I've got hired girl who worked at your
kouse once year or two ago, and she's
told re so much about you that ! feel
real well acquainted with you. Pleas
5nt day, amt it: Well, if she amt po-
lite to sail or without so much as q
wcrGi Shows her raisin. anyhow F'-
E2rper's Bazar
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
Two Not Always Company.

People who are shut off from contin-
ual contact with their kind arc apt to
grow splenetic. Army officers who have
lived for long periods at one company
post ON the frontier and the wives Of
these army officers may know something
about the difficulties of small groups of
human beings living together and low
ing one another.
Keepers Of lighthouses do not always
get along together. and if there are two
lighthouse keepers and two lighthouse
keepers wives the result is generally q
monkey and parrot time.
Light housekeeping in lighthouses by
lighthouse keepers wives often leads to
heavy work with rolling pins.
Even husbands and wives have been
known to quarrel on the honeymoon
tour, not because they did not love one
another, but because, being in foreign
countries they were cut off from their
kind and were forced to rely entirely on
one another's society. 1t is one of the
weaknesses Of human nature. Man is
gregarious. When a few individuals are
isolated. they nearly always quarrel. -
EXCHANGE
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
Pennsylvania is Prepared.
'om the Harrisburg Telegraph,

From the Harrisburg Telegraph.
The military authorities of the Stale
are constantly pestered by letters and
kilograms from editors of the eyellow jour
mails of the country asking them if Penn
sylvania is preparing for war in the event
of trouble between this country and
Spain. In accordance with the invaria-
BILE rule that goes with all things military
none of these kilograms or letters are
answered. Military men, old members
of the National Guard, are apt to feel
offended when they hear the question
asked whether Pennsylvania is prepar-
ing for trouble. They say it is an insult
to the Guard born of that ignorance Of
those who do not know the facts concern
ing our military. They also say, with
considerable pride, that Pennsylvania
does not need to prepare-Pennsylgania
is already prepared. On call for troops
for service in the field Pennsylvania can
in twenty-four hours place over eight
thousand troops in the field. And they
will not be Sunday soldiers with gaudy
uniforms, either. They will bs fall
clothed in the same uniform as is worn
by the United States regulars, AID in
many respects they viii equal the reguls
soldiers. 1t was Colonel Summer, Of the
regular army, who last year said the
Pennsylvania National Guard is the
finest body OF citizen soldiery he ever
saw, and that was pretty high eompli-
ment from such a source. What is more,
Pennsylyania's National Guard is pre-
pared TO go into camp at once with all of
the tents and camp equipage, and there
is not another State in the Union so pre-
pared. And again, the Pennsylvania
National guard is prepared to fight and
shoot to hit, for over ninety per cent. of
the members are qualified marksmen
who can plug a bull's-eye at long range.
We read every day about some State
20 participate and answer the
call in case of war, but there is one State
that will not have to make any prepara-
tons, and that is the glorious old Key
stone State of Pennsylvania. Pennsyl
vania ia prepared.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
rHuRsros-s rERoRArIOS.
A Pathetic Scene in the United States


A Pathetic Scene in the United States
Senate.
Senator Thurston's peroration in his
speech on Cuba in the Senate last Thurs
day was most pathetic.
He said there could he no Intervention
to save Cuba without force, and force
means war, and war means blood. He
believed in the doctrine Of peace taught
by the lowly Nazarine. but men must
have liberty before abiding peace eau
come.
Force saved the Union, kept the Stars
in the Flag, made 'niggers' men. The
time for Gods force has come again. Let
the impassioned lips of American patriots
once more take up the song:
"'In the beauty of the lilies.
Christ was born across the sea,
With glory in his bosom
That transtigurec you and me;
As lac died to make men holy,
Let US die 10 make men free,
For God is marching on"
"Mr. President, in the cable that moor
ed me TO life aud hope the strongest
strands are broken. have but little left
to offer at the altar Of Freedoms sacrifice,
but all have am glad to give. / am
ready 10 serve my country as best / can
in the Senate or in the field.
"My dearest hope, my most earnest
prayer 10 God is this, that when death
comes TO end ali, may meet it calmly
and fearlessly as did my beloved, in the
cause Of humanity under the American
flag"
As Mr.. Thurston neared the end of his
speech he became noticeably excited, and
his utterance became more impassioned.
The peroration was brilliantly deliy-
cred. Almost at the instant of the con-
clusion os the speech his voice broke with
emotion, and he finished with dieiealty.
As Mr.. Thurston sank into his seat he
buried his face in his hands, while tre-
mendons and overw helming wave of APP
plause swept through the galleries.
The Vice President made a didident
effort TO restrain the demonstration, but
it was not possible to control the people.
As Mr.. Thurston's colleague, Mr.. Allen,
of Nebraska. led him quietly from the
chamber, many of his associates, silently,
bat with every evidence of feeling. grasT
ed his hand.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
A CLEVER FIRE HORSE.
The Clear Headed Animal That Chic
webber of Boston Used TO Drive.

The Clear Headed Animal That Chief
webber of Boston Used 20 Drive.
The rule in the Boston department is
20 reach the fire as soon as it can be
done with safety. When an alarm comes
in. the firemen have that rule in mind.
They are not thinking about posing for
the public, but what they are likely to
find at the end of their ride, and when
accidents occur in nine cases ont Of ten
they are more likely to be due to the
carelessness or fright of the public than
to the reckIessness Of the firemen them
selves There are approximately 1000
alarms a year in this-city, to each of
which from one to eight pieces respond
Compare the activity and momentum
thus let loose, bat skillfully controlled,
with the total resulting casualties of q
year. and the showing will justify the
department as whole every time.
The horses themselves share not only
the spirit but the knowledge of the sit
uation, and to their training and intel
ligence is due to no small degree the
comparative exemption from serious
0l(44GA4lo "
A few years ago Chief Webber drove as
his fire horse an animal which well ex-
emplified these characteristics. He had
a head like a wedge, and he could run
for deer His fire gait was a run. He
was famous for economizing his oppor-
tunities Even in a thickly crowded
street, if he saw hundred feet clear in
front of him, he made it on the run. II
an obstruction suddenly appeared, he
would brace himself and skate over the
pavement until his momentum was
overcome. Then with the next opening
the feat was repeated. while he writhed
in and out like a snake among inter
.cepting teams and usually was among
the first arrivals at the scene of the fire.
On one occasion be took himself and
the buggy to fire some distance from
quarters without a driver and arrived
safely and at the right box. The un-
initiated who saw his movements might
have called them reckless, but during
bis Eve CT six years of service he at
tended more fires than any other horse
in the department, and no serious acci-
dent to himself or others resulted. -
Rosf0n TranScriDf
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
A DEAD cARNATIoN.

Leonard Contemplates the Contents Of
Desk Drawer.
The desk drawer, opened, exhaled an
Odor Of faded flowers.
Let us plunge into the atmosphere
Jf sweet memories. said Leonali.
Wife absent, Leonard, addressing
Bayard. his mcst intimate friend, indi.
sated withered blossoms Faded and
grown musty in the lapse of years, they
rcposed at the bottom of the desk
1rawer.
This lily" said Leonard. signing,
was the flower given me by Blanche,
my first love, when l took from her
lips a timid kiss She was as white as
its impeccabie petals. fragrant as its
pure corolla, graceful as its dropping
stem, and who knows what might have
happened had she not died in the bloom
Of y0uths'
"And the rose?" asked Rayard.
An. that was laterr" said Leonard,
with burst of laughter. "Rosette gave
me that when she first brushed my lips
with her own. The petals were once
rosy as her warm being, and the flowers
beauty was radiant and amorous as her
young womanhood- II she had not been
tickle. she might now be my wife"
And the orchidg" queried Bayard.
Hippolyta presented me with that.
said Leonard, thonghtfully. when she
saw me trembling in alteration at her
feet Time was when il had the mystic
charm Of her own perverse personality,
and If a Russian nobleman had no;
eloped with her l should still be her de-
.yOted slave.
Rayard discovered bunch of faded
violets
And these?'' he interrogated.
They were the flowers murmured
Leonard sadly. (which Etienette sent
me when had treated her brutally, be-
lieving that she had deceived me She
was demure and tender as the blooms.
and. after the storm Of my passions, she
came like q peaceful sprite to pour
beauty and love into my life. Had she
forgiven me, it might have BEEN
At this point Leonard interrupted
himself. seizing angrily a dead carna-
tion.
Why is this flower here7' he cried.
rs has no place among the precious
memories. Away with il at oncei"
In moment the unresisting carna-
ticn was reduced 10 dust under his pitt
less foot.
why do you destroy itl'' questioned
Bayard
Because it is the carnation Emilia
gave me when she said she would be
my wife. ;" said Leonard, cynicaIly,
"and married her. .''-Phiiadelphis
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
SOMETHING JUST AS GOOD.
How a Billions Nan Gave Up His Two Cups
OF Breakfast Coffee.

How a Billions Nan Gave Ip His Two cups
OF Breakfast Coffee
An east end man was advised some
time ago not to drink coffee. His doctor
told him it helped to make his liver tor
pid and his liver was doing its best TO
render life miserable for himself and all
the rest of the family.
But, nc, he couldn't give up his two
cups at breakfast time. he oluldn't
make the sacrifice. Nothing could take
the place of the delicious Java and
Mocha mixed that he had learned to
love-
One day his wife suggested in mild
way that be might be just as well sat
isfied with one of the brands Of inita-
tion coffee. he almost frothed at the
mouth
"That internal stuff he cried.
"Not much. The very first eulp would
settle me. I'd like 10 see anybody try TO
fool me with a counterfeit of that sort "
He didn notice that his wife quietly
smiled. But strange to say, from that
time On he grew better. His bilious
tendency was greatly lessened. He felt
like a new man.
One day he met the doctor.
"Hello, docF' he cried. I'm getting
better in spite Of you. I"
"Given mp coffee, have your" queried
the smiling doctor.
''Given up coffee? Not much. Coffee's
all right
A few weeks later he met the man
fromswhom he orders his groceries
''Hellor quoth the grocer. 'How
well you are loOkingp'
Eyes, T" said the convalescent, "I'm
feeling great deal better"
BY the way, said the grocer, "you
seem to like that substitute I've been
sending you. 3"
"What substituted"
"Why, that substitute for coffee.
And he named one of the numerous i'm
itatiols of the fragrant berry.
"Never had a cup of it in the house"
said the bilious man emphatically.
That's funny said the grocer. ST
haven't sold your folks pound Of gen
uine coffee III the last three months /"
The bilious man didn't say anything
further, but his thoughts were busy.
The next morning he looked at his cup
a little suspiciously, but he drank it
without tremoT. Perhaps he fancied
he detected the difference; perhaps not
Anyway. his wife still fondly imagines
he doesn't know of the deception.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
INSTRUCTED TIE JUDGE.
Who Was So well Pleased That He Gave
Him seren MnnzhA

Who Was So We'll Pleased That He Gave
Him Seven Monzhs
Nathaniel Patrick Henry Schofeld
Berry, called the police court clerk in
stentoriaE tones. and hearty laugh was
beard froIu the lawyers, bailiffs and
general hangers ON around the room
A very black negro of about 40 step
ped to the tar with the remark, "Yes.
sah, dat's my cognomen title
"well, Nat. what have Jon gctto say
about this charge of-of-what's the
name Of that thing anyhow. Mr.
Bailiffs
"Shootin- craps, your honor.
"Shootin craps, repeated the judge
''Now lock herel | have sent enough Of
you fellows Gown on this charge, but
confess know nothing about the game,
if such it might be called I've listened
to the pigeon English Of ChiDamen in
telling of their fantan arrangement,
and now you, Nat, there. tell me what
this game of craps is like?'
"Weli. judge, it's just like dis:
You see you take de boDes''-
luG Mn4A.
"W'y. de bones, 20 honah. Them's
de things you throw.
''Tbc dice, +" suggested the police Off
Ger making the complaint
"Oh, / see, answered his honor.
s'It's played with dice. ehy''
"You take de bones, continued Ma
thaniel Berry. looking with supreme
contempt on the surrounding crowd
anxious to learn the ins and outs Of
famous but badly misunderstood game.
s'De FIRST man he t'rows de bones ont
like dis and pops his fingers. Come
sevcn-eleven. got you faded. cut his
threat eleven, railroad, nat raj crap,
gimme de bones. 'baby's got to hav'
dem moo shoes. take my gal TO Balti-
more, Big Dicks my point, all de
way from Boston, come On, Joe. you
must be mine -
"HOld on therer' shouted the judge
before the enthusiastic Nathaniel could
be headed in his enthusiastic disserta-
tion. I'm still in the dark about that
game. but from what have heard you
get seven months F"
''Thankee. judge. said Nat, as he
was led grinning from the bar of JUS
tice Washington Post.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
THE TROUBLESOME DUST.
why the Scientist Appreciates Et More
Than the Housewife.

v
Than the Housewife.
The bane of the ideal housekeeper's
life is dust and yet this seemingly n
significant, exasperating dust has been
study of scientists for century.
when beam Of sunlight enters a
darkened reom, it can be seen along its
whols course. says one writer. The
light is reflected to every side anil made
to reach the eye by the dust in the air
of the room. We do not see the sun
beam. but the dust which is illumined
by il. AS unimportant as this curious
stuff seems, il plays conspicuous part
in nature. Ii is what makes the sky ap-
pear blue, snd when we look at the sky
we see the dust illuminated by the sun.
Light goes through all the gases-the
dust catches it, reflects it in every di-
rsct;on. and so causes the whole atmos-
phere 20 appear clear. in the same way
that it makes the sunbeam visible in
the dark room
Without this strange, wonderful
dust there would be no blue sky. 1t
would be as dark or darker than on moon
less nights The glowing disk of the sun
would stand Immediately against the
black background, thus producing blind
ing light where the suns rays fall and
deep black shadows where they do not.
1t is to dust that we owe the moderately
tempered daylight adapted 90 our eyes,
and it is dust that contributes to the
beauty of the scenery. The finest dust
gives the blue tone to the sky. while the
coarser kind produces an almost black
appearance
''ThS clouds consist Of dust and va
por. If there be only little dust. all
the yapor is precipitated upon it. and
so loads the clouds with water that they
sink in heavy drops TO the ground.
Without dust the vapor would penetrate
houses. making everything mold with
damp. We should feel upon going out
that our clothes were becoming saturat-
ed and umbrellas would be a useless
protection. 1t is hard, indeed, to con-
-Siye how different everything would
be if there were no dust. This trivial
common stuff has its considerable part
in the processes Of nature, and there is
much Of the wonderful and mysterious
concealed in its filmy PARTICLES Do
troit Free Press.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
One of Max o'Ren's E1ps.ssnees

Once when Max O'Rell was staying
at a hotel he MD occasion to complain
Of the marked incivility and neglect Of
a waiter. The proprietor apoIogized. as
sUring Max O'Rell that no such CON-
plaint had ever been made before.
When the waiter was rerrimanded, he
explained himself thus: "It's not 10 be
expected that self respecting Scotsman
coald wait on him with civility. Didn't
he say we took TO the kilt because our
feet were too large TO get through
Irousers,'-London Telegraph.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06

Until very recently the school chill
dren of Berlin have been conducted to
and from their schools in special om-
nibuses, lest their manners and morals
should suffer if they rode in the public
tramears. They have been induIgipg
in SO m1ny fights and otherwise so
misconducting themselves that the
special omnibus service has now been
discontinued.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
An Arbitrary Fe..

Victor Smith tells this story in the
New York Press: my father was an
old time lawyer. He tried little case
for his bootmaker and entered on the
books charge of els, the price Of new
pair of boots When the latter was de-
liyered, the accompanying bill was $50,
A man Of any other profession would
have taken oflense at the apparent effort
to do" him. but the lawyer smiIingly
raised his fee to SIS. and Mr.. Smart
Aleck Bootnaker had to pay. That was
an arbitrary fee. Doctors sometimes en-
icy the privileges Of it."
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
A SERMON on Money.

A colored exhorter said recently, in
the course of a sermon on Money, the
Great Evil
Ny brotherin, money cause mo-
trouble in dis worl' dan anything ]
knows ON. Fac is. de devil is in de dol
lar When l see a man wild a pocket full
er money, | say ter myself, Oars a
man what needs guardeen, an feels
des like takin him home an lockin up
dat money fer him Ef any er you in de
hearin or my voice is got money en- yo'
pusson. bring it right heah, an lay it
on do altar an go yo' ways an lemme
pray over il till blessin come ter it
Doan wait ter count it; des come for
ward an unload ATLANTA Constitu-
aspn
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
Yellow Jaundice Cured.

Suffering humanit5 should be supplied
with every means possible for its relief
II is with pleasure We publish the fol-
lowing. This is TO certify that / vas
a terrible sufferer from Yellow Jaundice
for over six months, and was treated
by some Of the best physicians in our
city and all to no avail. DIR. Bell, our
druggist, recommended Electric Bit
ters; and after taking two bottles, was
entirely cured. / now take great pleas
ure in recommending them to any per-
son suffering from this terrible malady.
am gratefully yours, NJ. A. Hogarty,
Lexington, Ky.
Sold at ]. n. Snyder's Drug Store,
Somerset Pa, aud G. w. Bralliers
Drug Store, Berlin. Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
In.eet sleea. nlai.p pr Insect..

At a recent meeting of the Entomo-
logical society of Washington some
l2ecimens Of phrysopa. a species of
golden eyed fly. which had been collect
ed in the White mountains, were exhib-
tied as curiosities, because each carried
on its back one or more minute cecido-
nIyiid flies. The opinion was expressed
that this was a true case of smaller
species Of insect using larger species
for the purposes Of iocomotion from
place TO placa Youth Companion.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
Bueklen's Arnica salve.

The Best Salve in the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fe-
yer Sores, letter, Chapped Hands,
Cbilblains. Corns, aud all skin Erup-
tions. and positively cures Piles, or no
pay required. IL il guaranteed to give
perfect satisfaction or money refunded.
Price > cents per box. For sale at J
n. snyder's Drug Store Somerset. Pa,
or G. w. DraIlier's Drug Store, Ber-
in, Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
1hE pErcoN,s oARTER MABEL.
She isn.. much On dress an such.

She isn't much On dress an such.
Like naidens IN the city.
Il n,ayn't be only ies' touch
OF goodness z-akcs her pretty
To keep from 5lushin when she speas7
Our boys. ieastwise, mint able.
OF her they dream fer weeks an weeks.
The de.ac0n' 5 darfer Mabel
Across the aisle IN church she sits
Al every Sunday meetin,
An half the feilcrs lose their Wits
whene'or she smiles 6 ereetin-
She amt no fairy. sprste nor Ell.
Like fhose OF song an fable.
She. je-s' her own dear little sell
The dcaoon's derter Mabel
You sec her golden cnrls an swear
A halo rests above her.
Thcre ain I a one of Us d dare
To own how snuch we love Der,
An. ns fer dress. c-n cd fruit that's good
Amt bctfercd by the label
It's ses' the ssln,e with wcusanhocd-
The deacon : darter Msi,cL
Roy Farrell Greene IN New York Journal
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1898-04-06
bow o wheedle . Ilbrariau.

note that an Oxford scholar of my
acquaintance, if he wished valuable
book to be taken from the Bodleian
library into the Radcliffe reading room
that he might continue reading it after
the library was closed. used to begin by
asking leave for some unique manu-
script. and when that was refused q
book somewhat less valuable, coming
gradually down scale and being re-
fused with less emphasis. until he
reached the book which alone he want
ed, when he would say. AT least you
can have no objection to my taking
this. ''-Cornhill Magazine.