The evening times., 1898-10-06
CURRENT Il UMOR.

SubeditoE-IIow is Pennington on spelling. any
way? Editor-Well. he's little too quaint for
ordinary English. and not quaint enough for
dialect. Brooklyn Standard Cnicn
Have you noticed how Walker has changed
since he got hack from the war?' "Yes He
says the effort to keep up the reputation he made
in the strife is almozt killing him. .''-Phiadel-
phia North American.
Martha. eight parts of the human body are
water. Horrors! And il hasn't been boiIedr'-
Chicago Reco-d.
\ wise spinster says it is better to be laughed
at because YOU are not married than not TO be
able to laugh because you are.-Chicago News.
Mrs. Bangle-They say that half the world
doesn't know how the other half lives. Bangle
Then it must be they don't read the patent
medicine estimonials-Judge.
Mrs. Chugwater-Iosish | see E; good deal in
the papers about Internal machines. What is an
Internal machine? Mr. Chugwater-Well. some
times | think its a lawn mower and sometimes
think it's piano.-Chicago Tribune
''What do You think of my husbands poems,
professor?' Il think they viii be read when
those of Milton and Longfelow forgotten"
How nice of YOU! But YOU are saying that only
to please me- I'm afraid" NAY. madam | do
but speak the simple truth.''-Truth.
Politician-There is a saying you know I'D
rather be right than President Soldier-We sIy
now, I'D rather be wrong than Secretary of
4 commercial traveller representing spice
mandatory was captured by canibals. well"
said he TO his captors, 'if am to he roasted and
eaten. ask you TO accept this sample box of
high-grade mustard to be used on the fes-
tive occasion. Chicago News.
''Madge has empty baked bean can labelled
war relic who brought it to her?' NO
body, but Jack says it is exactly like those he
had in camp."-Detroit Free Press
enid vn,, aDicr ba co.baJrals abro,I N;,-
Shutter?' "No; the Eorrid things were too big
fer my camera. Chicago Record.
80 you and Dickey have been playing soldier.
have you, Tommy? l hope you didn't really
quarrel with each other Quarrel nothin'.
Dick only played soldier about three minutes
surgent, and he stopped and went TO eatin'''-Chi-
cago Tribune.
While they at it why not start endless
chains for-Panting the Pyramids, eveing the
Alps cutting the equator, muzzng the dog star,
fencing the milky way, preserving mirage,
sprinkling Sahara, paying the debt of nature?-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Ever try electricity for your rheumatism.
Uncle Josh?'' ''Shoud say did. I was struck
by lightnin' two different times an my rheu-
matiz seemed to thrive under it.''-Detroit Free
Press
"At one time" began the great grandcc ''the
kingdom of Spain ran clear around the world"
''It did?'' replied the pessimistic peasant. ''Who
was making it run then?"-Puck,
The Comedian-There is no doubt nv boy. that
''hunger is the best sauce" The Tragedian-
Very true-but, we gods! We have nothing to 60
with it.-Brooklyn Life.
''If we should have another war it might be
well to have two boards of strategy ''What
for?'' cone to plan operations against the en-
emy and the other to devise schemes to get the
troops enough 70 eat.'-Puck
''Kitty, suppose you won't write to me at all
now you are married?" Eyes, will, Nan; Jacks
awfully sweet. Of course, but l can't talk to him
about my new clpthes. Chicago Record
The less Thought some men give to subject
the more liberal, their views are.-Chicago News
NO." said Farmer Hayrix, 81 wouldn't like to
live in town. 1t makes you too thin-blooded.
81 never heard OF that BEFORE said the city vis-
itor Il neyer heard it, either. lest noticed il
fer myself. been keepin' summer boarders for
three years, and every cne of 'em allays wore his
coat at the table Cincinnati Enquirer.
Mrs BloYitzr7TAnd so your daughter is un.
happy? I'm awfully sorry to hear it. Hasn't She
got an indulgenf husband?''
Mrs. OldRanlZYes; that's the trouble. About
all he does is indulge.-Chicago Tribune