Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1898-08-11
Doo1ey in Doubt.


81 know what I'd do if / was Mack"
said Mr.. Hennessy I'D hist flag over
tn Philippians an I'd take in tn whole
lot iv thim."
can yet" said Mr.. Dooley, "'tis not
more thin two months since ye larned
whether they were islands or canned
goods. Ye'er back yard is so small that
ye'er cow can't turn r-round without but
tin tn woodshed off TIL premises, an We
wudden't go out to tn stock yards with
out takin out policy on yeer life. Sup
pose We was standin' at tn corner iv State
sthreet an Archey r-road, wud We know
what car to take to get to tn Ph'lippeens?
If ye'er son Packy was to ask ye where
tn Philippians is cud We give him amy
good idea whether they was in Rooshia or
JUS wist iv tn thracks?"
"Mebbe cudden't," said Mr.. Hennessy,
haughtily, ''but Pm f'r takin' thin in
anyhow"
$50 might be- said Mr.. Dooley, "if
cud on'y get me mind on it. Wan iv the
worst things about this here war is tn
way it's maxim puzzles f'r our poor, tired
heads. Whin / wint into it / thought all
I'd have to 60 was to set up here with
good tin-cint see-gar in me teeth an toss
dinnymite bombs into tn hated city iv Ha-
yana. But look at me now. Tn war is
still goin' on an livery night I'm askin'
mesilf will 1 annex Cuba or lave it to tn
Cubians? Will l take Porter Ricky or
put it by? An what shud l do with TIL
Philippians? Oh, what shud l do with
thin? l can't annex thin because | don't
know where they ar-re. l can't let go iv
thin because some wan else'll take thin if
I oh thin
islands with a population iv wan hun
dhred millyon naked savagcs, an me bed
rooms crowded now with me an tn bed.
How can take thin in an how on earth
am / goin' to cover tn nakcdness iv thin
savages with me wan SCOT iv clothes? An
yit 'twoud break me heart to think iv
givin' people l niver see or heerd tell iv
back to other people | don't know.
''It amt that I'm afraid iv not doin tn
fright thing in tn end, Hnnissy. Some
mornin' I'll wake up an know JUS what
to do, an that I'll do. But It's tn an
noyance iv tn manetime. I've been re-
readin' about tn country. "Tis over be-
yant ye'er left shoulder whin ye'er facin'
east. JUS throw ye'er thumb back an
We have it as ac'rate as amy man in town.
'Tis farther thin Boohlgarya an not so
far as Blewchoochoo. It's near Chiny an
it's not so near, an if man was to bore
q we'll through firm Goshen, Indianny, he
might sthrike it, an thin again he might
not. It's a poverty sthricken country,
full iv goold an precious stones, where
tn people can pick dinner off tn threes
an ar-re starvin' because they have no
step-ladders. Th' inhabitants is mostly
naggurs an Chinnymen, peaceful, indus
thrus an law-abidin', but savage an
bloodthirsty in their methods. They wear
no clothes except what they have on, an
each woman has five husbands an each
man has five wives. TIL women ARE
hurried an incomplete in their dhress. l
see pitcher iv wan tn other day with
nawthin' ON her but basket Nv cocoanuts
an a hoop-skirt. They're no prudes. We
import juke, hemp, cigar wrappers, sugar
an fairy tales firm tn Ph'lippeens, an
export six-inch shells an tn like.
Il Earned all this firm tn pa-apers, an
know tits straight. An yet, Hinnissy,
dinnow what to do about tn Philippians.
An I'm all alone in tn wurruld. Iv'ry-
body else has made up his mind.
Hang on to thim," said Mr.. Hennessy,
stoutly. "What we've got we must hold"
well" said Mr.. Dooley, 'if l was
Mack I'd Fave it to George. I'd say:
George I'd say, If yc'er FIR hangin' on,
hang on it is. If we say Pave go, | dhrop
Thin Twas George won thin with tn
shells, an tn questions up to him."-Chi-
cago Journal.