Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1898-02-04
WAS A 6iZZARD.
The Young Anntomist's Opinion of
the Vermiform Appendix.

the NernliIOrm ADpehuiN.
Relief is at hand. The reign of the
deadly appendicitis terror is nearing an
end. According to theory pro-
pounded to me yesterday, the veruni-
form appendix is rapidly disappearing
from the human anatomy, and the next
generation may be able to swallow any
thing from a peach kernel to mus
tard seed without fear of consequences.
Learned doctors may disagree with
this theory, but my informant assures
me that he has made a study of the mat
ter and knows what he's talking about;
he has read a number of medical books,
knows something of the Darwinian
idea and likes to think that he thinks.
"Whoever heard of appendicitis until
quite recentlyP" began the savant,
"Why, nobody. The general belief that
it is an old disease with new name is
all tommyrot-I mean, is not supported
by logic. 1t is new disease, and it will
probably never be known by another
generation. The time Is coming when
no one will have an appendix; so, of
course, no one will be troubled with ap-
pendicitis.
"My theory is as simple ms can be"
continued the anatomist, "and when
you hear it you'll agree with me. All
things are simple when once they are
proven.
"What we now call the vermiform ap-
pendix was originally a digestive or
gan, or a large gizzard The primeval
man, as the result of Incomplete evolu-
tion, was great eater, and by no means
careful of his diet. Moreover, his food
was of the coarsest nature, the appen-
dix or gizzard helping in the digestion
or assimilation of food. As man pro-
gressed and became more refined in
bis habits, naturally the uses for which
the appendix (or gizzard) was intend
ed became less and less important. The
other organs of digestion finally be-
came all sufficient for general purposes,
and the appendix (or gizzard) was
thrown out of employment. Degenera-
ton then set in from disuse and the
gizzard dwindled into what was dis
covered few years back to be vermi'
form appendix"
"Why was it," | asked, when / had
sufficiently recovered from the scien-
tific shower bath, "why was it that the
amiable gizzard ultimately became a
menace to peace and happiness?"
"That also is very simple. II follows
from what / have said already. The
original appendx-which was not an
appendix at all, but gizzard, as l have
stated-was a large organ, capable OF
receiving and assimiliating the most
indigestible substances. As the giz'
zard decreased in size, this cavity
filed in until it has become so small
that a minute substance such as @
grape seed, penetrating the appendix
causes Inflammation and often pro
vides work for the surgeons and under
takers"
81 heard of man whose grandfather
died of appendicitis" ventured.
"He was probably the victim OF an er
roneous diagnosis" replied the young
man. Then he resumed:
"As have said, the appendix is rapid
ly disappearing. The necessity for it
creation has disappeared and the ap
pendix must go. Advancing civiliza
tion is driving out the appendix just a
the steam is giving place to electricity
The human gizzard is doomed. Here
after only Thanksgiving turkeys ant
fried chickens will have gizzards."-
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