davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
A Little Mistake.

One of the most dreadful (sociaD mis- takes ever committed was caused by an order in combination with an unfortu- nate resemblance. A friend of mine had a colonial acquaintance who was very like certain eminent diplomatist, and plumed himself upon it. My friend met him one evening at a reception with ever so large star on his breast. "Oh. come, Jack, this won't do. I don't be- lieve there are orders of that size in the other hemisphere. Where did you get 1t from?" The much decorated one smiled sweetly on him, and replied in excellent English: ''I received it from my sovereign, sir; I think you are in some error. I am the ambassador. ."- Dunham Observer.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Steep your tea; don't boil it. Directions in every pack age of SeAilling's Best. !,
one vieu of a nroot Point.

It may De said that the little word "my" placed before the word "dear'' has significance of its own. When used between the ladies thus My dea1 Mrs A." it is to devote an extra amount of cordiality and friendliness, and again when gentleman so writes to lady of his acquaintance it has the same reading. On the other hand, My dear Mir. E. !" is seldom or never writ ten by ladies to their men acquaintances, Dear Mir B. being considered suffi- cienuy affectionate- Elderly ladies, however, are outside of this rule and write My dear NIT. B." to men whom they have known as boys-Philadel- phia North American
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
promptly:
 catp'
Work Only Eight Hours a Dav

In New Zealand an elght-hour day, or to be more exact. forty y-eight-hour week, Is compulsory for all women working in mills and workshops, and all children under IS. They are not all lowed to work overtime for more than twenty days year, and then they are limited to three hours extra a day, and the written permission of an inspector must be obtained. In the case of adult men the Government does not interfere with their hours of labor, save in ex- ceptiOnal cases, but the eight-hour day is general, though not universal, throughout the colony. In Wellington the average wage of adults in engineer ing works Is f2 los Sd a week; molders average f2 13s Sd, patternmakers f3 2s, and adults in electrical engineering works f3 2s 4d.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Learning Latin.

In the course of trip of inspection says the San Francisco News Letter, Superintendent of Schools Webster un- dertook the other day little cross ex- animation of a Latin class, which in- cluded a bright girl, who is an apt pupil, but who was caught tripping in rather a funny way.
 Although her memory Is good, she tries to assist 1t by associating, when she can, some familiar object with a Latin word, safely slowed away in her "0cahularlv Thus. with the word opus, work sae .r.ta. t.s .rclamation, )-Euss, using he recommendation now ID vogue When Webster asked this girl .a give .a Latin word .a work, to the al--zcul--- and amusement of lnspec- tor teacher and scholars, she answered promptly:
 70 catr'
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Russia,s Military Strength.

Following the visit of their president to Russia the French papers have been instructing their readers on the forces possessed by that country. The Army and Navy Gazette of London extracts from one of the most widely read of these some interesting particulars. The Russian army, founded by ukase of 1870 on universal liability to service, can draw upon annual recruiting lists of something like 750,000 in Europe and 10000 in Asia, but in time of peace many cases of exemption are admitted, and only about a quarter of the above numbers, or some 100000 in all, are called out. The liability Is for twenty years service, commencing at the age of 21. Of this period five years have to be passed with the colors, but this may be reduced to four for men of better education than the average, and even to three and two for young men joining direct from the secondary and supe- rior schools.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
4 Rahr In E-nha

Here Ie r story about it... I l.-.-,--. --- --.---. --.,-- .----- ------ =
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Lord Mayors Coach.

In the matter of the state coach of LondOn's Lord Mayor, which Is to be refurbished at a cost of $1,175, it may not be OppOrtune to state that its origin Il cost 40 years ago was $5,325. Toward this each junior Alderman made a per sOnal subscription of $500; and on be- ing sworn each subsequent Alderman contributed a like sum for purposes of repair, while each Lord Mayor added $500 to the fund. After a few years the annual bill for repairs exceeded S1,5OO, and the surplus over and above a fixed Mayoral tax of $500 was re- funded to the Lord Mayor for the time being. Twenty years after its construc- tiOn repairs in the amount of S1,675 were again necessary; while early in the present century the average ex- pense during seven years was $575. As was the case with her Majesty's state coach, the paintings for the coach of the chief magistrate of London were done by Cipriani.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
10 WARD OFF BAD LUCK.
Things Men Carry in the Belief They
 Are Potent Charms.

! Are fOlG1I
 It would astonish you to know the
 number of persons in this State "who are not superstitious, but who do be Iieve in signs" While returning from Western Kentucky last week 1 sat talk ! ing with a party of seven gentlemen in l the smoking compartment of a Pull man ear, when one of them pulled from his pocket graveyard rabbits foot, ," which, he said, had always brought him good luck.
 Another of the gentlemen exhibited the feather of an old gray goose, says the Louisville Post, which had been given him by a negro charm seller in the Purchase. The owner said he knew the thing was a mere trifie, but he wouldn't part with it for any amount of money. A third member of the par ty had an old steel pen, which had been used by the Governor of a Southern State in writing the pardon of con- demned man.
 This non-believer in strange signs" said he prized the omen higher than anything he possessed, as he had sue ceeded ever since he got it. The sleep ing car conductor carried in his pistol pocket an Irish potato, shriveled to one third Its former size, which never failed on a rheumatism case"
 4 fifth gentleman had this to say: Fellows, I'm no believer in those meaningless emblems, but I can't help feeling badly if I fail to see the new moon over my right shoulder"
 The only two members of the party who had not spoken left the car, smil- ing at the -"vapid follies" they, too, were doubtless believers in if they had only expressed themselves.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
"A ulst~e sing Outlook.

A utt-e Cleveland girl WAS grsgrl- .------- --- h. ----------L-- -- : E.A.----
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
DEAFNESS CANNOT BE CURED

By local applications they cannot reach the diseased portion of the ear. There is only one way to cure deafness, and that is by constitu- tiOnal remedies. Deafness is caused by an in famed condition of the mucous lining of the Eustachain Tube. When this tube gets infamed you have a rumbling sound or imperfect hear ing, and when it is entirely closed deafness is the result, and unless the inflammation can be taken out and this tube restored to its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed forever nine cases out of ten are caused by catarrh, which is nothing but an infiamed condition of the mucous surfaces
 We will give One Hundred Dollars for any case of deafness (caused by catarrh) that cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send for cir eulars, free.
 F. J. CHENEY & CO, Props, Toledo, o Sold by Druggists. 75c.
 Halls Family Pills are the best.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

SultOr-I assure yOu- Her father-No, I'm not mistaken. Ai
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Here is Q story about Hit. tsg.. born ia Cuba that was able ta f. what. probably, no other child of his age ever did. When the war was declared a Spanish officer was visiting in the Uni ted States, and found he could not get back to Cuba by steamer, because 1t was blockaded, so he took passage on fishing schooner, hoping to reach there safely. This boat was captured, but when the officer told our command CT that he wished to get home to see his little baby who had just been born, he was put into a small boat with a flag of truce and landed in Cuba. So this little baby was able to silence guns, raise a blockade, and make friends of two officers of opposing armies,
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

ls played with 4 bow
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Those Long Names

The physician had told him the name of his malady, but he could not spell or pronounce it ten minutes later.
 Have you any idea," his friend in- qu1red, 'how your doctor makes up his schedule of charges?"
 ''No," was the answer. But have an idea it is at the rate of about $50 sylla- ble. e."-Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
So They Saw.

"I have read somewhere that Admiral CerVera and his men hadn't any clothes on to speak of when they surrendered. 1"
 "Yes; that's so. In addition to knock ing the spots off them, Schley's men scared them out of their brooches"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
An Unterrified Lovely Girl.

A lovely girl was caught by her aunt while indulging ln a surreptitious cigar cite.
 My dear," said the mortified aunt do you know that every time you smoke one of those beastly things you drive a nall in your coffin"
 No, auntie, dear," said the lovely girl, you are wrong. A woman can't drive nail."-What to Eat.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Running a Risk.

Fuddy-Kwiverful, they say, Is mar ried again. This is his fourth wife. Duddy-Kwiverful'd better be care full. He'll get caught some day.
 Fuddy-Get caught?
 Duddy-Yes; he'll marry a woman who will live.-Boston Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Sarah-Just fancy the corporal a-giv- in up Mary for that old cook; she's old enough to be is mother.
 TOmmy-Yes, my dear, but look at the wages! Why, Mary didn't earn enough to keep i'm in smokes!-Ally SlOper.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
He Wna Tnn HnafX

'Why is It," he asked, "that beautiful women are always the most stupid?"
 "Sir," she replied, lam to under stand that you desire to cast reflections upon my mental capacityW
 "Oh, no" he hurriedly returned; ''I have always said that you were one of the brightest girls ever"
 But he didn't finish. Before he could do so he realized that he had said the wrong thing and could never make 1t right.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
A G oOd Reason.

"Now, don't say you went off with my umbrella because it had hook handle, just like yours."
 No; went off with 1t because it has a silk cover better than mine"-Detroit Free Press
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Gold in Ducks, Gizzards.

A Sacramento man happened to ex. anime the gizzards of brace of nal lard ducks, which he bought a few days ago. and found in them gold nuggets to the value of $1.5O each. AS the ducks cost him only 40 cents, he cleared $2.6O by the operation. The general impress, sion is that the ducks must have picked up the gold in the far north.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

playmate. The latter inquired Her Auee b,- ', f,I1 and eo,. c t;-,,o 5+ ,,-,e fo,-orl
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
BONES OF GIANT INDIANS.
Prehistoric Man Seven Feet Ta1l Who Once Lived in What Is Maryland.

Once Lived in What Is Maryland.
 There has been received at the Mary land Academy of Sciences the skeletos or an Indian seven feet tall, says the Baltimore American. It was discovered near Antietam recently.
 There are now skeletons of three powerful Indians at the academy who at one time in their wildness roamed over the State of Maryland armed with such instruments as nature gave them or that their limited skill taught them 10 make. Two of these skeletons be ionged to individuals evidently of gi- gantlc size. The vertebrae and bones or the legs are nearly as thick as those or horse, and the length of the long bones is exceptional.
 The skulls are of fine proportions, ample, and with walls of moderate thlcKness, but of great strength, and stlHened behind by powerful occipital ridge. The curves of the forehead are inoderate and not retreating, suggest Ing intelligence and connected with jaws or moderate development.
 tradition has handed down the state ment that between the years 1730 and 1I36 the Catawbas overlook a band of Delawares at the mouth of the Antie- tam, and in the battle that ensued the DeiaTares were completely annihi- lated. So the tradition goes, but ac- cording to Dr. Philip L. Unlcr presi- dent of the Maryland Academy of Sci ences, a careful exam nation gf this lo- cality has failed to establish evidences of a battle at this point, although nu- merous spear and arrow leads have been taken from the soil there.
 It Is of great interest, however, to notice that the locality was. ar an ear Her date, before the coming of the white man, occupied as a village site by Indians of great stature, some of them six and half to seven feet In height.
 The manner of burial was like this: The flesh was cleaned from the bones, some of which were then charred. The small bones of the face and neck were packed in the cavity of the skull, and a round hole, about two and half feet wide, was dug in the ground. in which the skeleton was buried and carefully packed with clay. In the grave was also placed pottery, a tomahawk and other weapons belonging to the h. dians.
 The earth was heaped up into a small, oblong mound, along which other sim liar mounds extended for many feet. The overfows of neighboring river at this point had almost destroyed the burial area, so that only three of these small elevations were recognizable at the time of the excavation.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Send for Free Circular showing how to get BIG DISCOUNTS on Prices of any San Fran cisco or Pacific Coast Cash Store or Supply Company We are reliable, been in business in San Francisco thirty years, and can save you money on everything you buy. Address GIL BERT CLEMENTS SONS, 2lS California Street, San Cal
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
SWALLOWED A NEEDLE AND DIED.

A tailor in Chicago sccidently swallowed a needle and died as a result of the inflammation set up by the small needle. Little things ire quently have great power, as is seen in a few sm all doses of the famous Hostetter's Stomach Bltferr which, however, has an entirely differ ent4s than the needle in this notice The Bitters make nervous weak and sickly persons strong and we'll gain They are aleO good for dyspepsia and constipation
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
The Patriotic Retor+.

Herbert-I say, old man, don't you re. member that you borrowed $20 from me several months ago?
 Samsby-FOrget that, my boy. Re. member the Maine! - Philadelphia North American.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
A Snre Sign.

Smith-Brown Is evidently financial ly embarrassed.
 JOnes-Why do you think so?
 Smith-He is beginning to live ex travagantly and dresses better thar formerly.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

1 ALNLar -aH' f'a..lA A --A H-te -.. volrltC cy Cha misfortune lf a fly,g-t, playmate. The latter injured uer Auet by a fall, and for a time it was feared she might lose the limb Happily thi: contingency was avoided, and in time the sufferer completely recovered. But when the outlook was dark indeed the sympathetic girl burst in on her man. ma one day with the following excited query:
 "Oh, mamma, did you know it was Bella's vaccination leg that was hurted?"
 No, mamma didn't know it.
 "Well, it is, Y" cried the little sympa- thizer, land, oh, mamma, just think, if they cut off her leg she'll have to be vaccinated all over againI nI'-Cleveland Plain Dealer
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
They Can't He1n IT.

The Spaniards have made one declar- ation regarding the war that they are going to fulfill"
 What's that?'
 They have said all along that they would fight to the bitter end, and it's bound to be that way now, no matter when it comes"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
He Was No Fisherman.

Bobber-It's too bad that George Washington never knew the serene con- tentment that can come only to the man who manipulates rod and line.
 AnglesOn-HOwd do you know he nev- CT did?
 Bobber-He never told lie.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Trials of a Lecturer.

Under the title of "Some Reminis- cences of a Lecturer" Dr. Andrew Wilson, the well-known writer on pOpu- lar science, gives many amusing anec- dotes of lecturers and their audiences. Most irritating to the former Is a pro- yincial habit of turning heads len masse," when door creaks, to ascer- tain who Is coming in. Dr. Wilson tells a story of a lecturer who, when any one happened to come in late in the usual clumsy fashion, was in the habit Of stopping short and watching the in- truder 10 his seat, generally with the effect Of making him look shcepish and d.se0uceEt-d. It happeued. however, one day, while he was featuring in a provincial town, that he was interrupt ed by a gentleman coming in late with a particularly irritating pair of creak- ing boots. The lecturer stopped, ac- cording to his custom, and stared at the intruder, who seemed to be not in the least conscious that all eyes were upon him. At length, getting out of pa- tience. the lecturer, in an icy tone. said: "I am waiting for you, sir" Appar- ently quite unmoved, the offender spent a few seconds in arranging his coat in his chair. Then, sitting down, he turn ed to the lecturer with a charming smile, and said: "Now, sir, am ready If you are. Please proceedr'
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Distance Lends Safety.

Farmer Scroggs-It's too bad thet ther is war in Cuby.
 Farmer Hayrick- Would yew want 1t here?
 Farmer Scroggs- If 1t wuz here we'd be able to ketch them sOjer fel- lers in some uv ther whOppers they'll tell when ther wars Over.-New York Evening Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
The Fall in Temperature.

"Ahr' he cried, yesterday you wei comed me warmly. To-day you receive me coldly. What is the cause of this sudden changer
 Don't you read the papers?" she calmly replied. My father has just inherited c cool million"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Az tO His Health.

"YOu may as well understand, young man," said the old gentleman, .'that my daughter will not get cent until after my death."
 "Oh, that's all right" replied the young man cheerfully. '1 have already consulted your family physician"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
And Nnt Iar-..

'Why, asked the lay figure, "do you call it a jimmy"
 The burglar shook his head sadly.
 Well, he answered. and his re gret was apparent, ''I suppose I am rather more familiar with it than ) ought to be. Yes ''-Detroit Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Mn.t Re a President.

"Do you know when old Gotrox first came here he was too poor to buy a ticket and had to walk"
 "Yes, and now he's too rich to buy a ticket and has to ride on a pass. ."-St Louis PoSt-Dispatch.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Rising to an Occasion.

Mrs. YOunglove-JOhn, do you know that you haven't kissed me for week :? MT. Younglove-Yes, darling, l was just waiting to see how long it would take you to notice 1t.
 John, 1t will be observed, had his presence of mind with him.-Cleveland Leader.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Oar isn't much comfort in de re mAhk dat contentment is better da riches. said Uncle Eben. "One is jes about as hand to git as de other. '- Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Listen to any man talk five minutes, and you will hear him say: 'It was just awful" That's the kind of time men have all the time.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
And There Are Others.

Jack-Supposing were to place my arm around your waist and steal kiss, would you be very angry?
 Maud-Indeed I would-that is, If 1t went no farther than a case of suppo- sition.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
HOsDital For Trees.

There is a hospital for trees on the banks of the Seine in Paris. Trees which grow sIck along the bOulevards are taken here to recover.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Satisfactory.

Her Father-Young man, fear you are making a mistake. My daughter will not get cent from me until after my death.
 Her Suitor-Oh, that doesn't worry me in the least. I have saved enough to keep us for a couple of years.-St. Louis POst-Dispatch.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Try schllins's Best tea and baking powder

ETC Permanently Cured. No fits or nervous tito ness after first days use of Dr. Kline't Great Nerve Restorer, Send for FREE &2 .OO trial bottle and treatise. DR. K. H. KLINE, Ltd s3O Arch St. Philadelphia. Pa.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Anxious mother-How is it that you have so much trouble with your house keeping? You told me your wife could cook.
 Adult sOn-She can.
 "Then what is the matterW
 "She won't. t."-New York Weekly.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
 INGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Joke1ets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughab1e-The Weeks Humor.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Piso's Cure for Consumption has saved me large doctor bills.-C. l.. Baker, 4225 Regent Sq., Philadelphia Pa., Dec. s. 'S9
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Quick Drop Dan (after a pause)-Sayl S'posin' we lynches one nd calls it squar.-New York Evening Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Making Use of Them.

Bookkeeper-Here's another bill iron your tailor, sir.
 De Broke-Ah, yes. Save them until you have a hundred, and I'll have them bOund.5San Francisco Chronicle.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Willing to Comnromiae.

Quick Drop Dan-Sorry, ma'am, but the boys has lynched yer husband by mistake. However, they're all willing ter do the fair thing by you.
 Widow-Weu. one of them will have
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Cigarettes get blamed for lots of Ills that are due to love affairs.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

The ur-heel, or Chinese violin, in shape resembles an ordinary hammer with it's handle. It has two strings and
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Her IaIher-NO, m nOt mlStaken. Ny gas bills have been nearly twice as high during the past three months as they were while she was engaged to young WOrtheY.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Shallow-brained people bow to the clothes rather than to the Wearer.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Drenchinr Her Conneit
Drenching Her Conceit. Helen-Hc thinks the world of me-

~11I~ "01OII HIOO UIIIIIEss IIU btIyS UT HItI I1U said last evening that ] was 9 dream
 .i-lr.e.-A dream may ba beautiful when ene -a nader iu7uuae, ent one IorEa .s dream sa quickly when one wakes uP Eou EaaU. Boston Tral. seriuE
 Brazil produces on the average 5UU. eco t;-==- 0i cUuee 70. ..1n-m-that i0 about four r-fifths cf the whole amount consumed in the world
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
A Matter of Words

"Whot 9 pushing falleR that young BIIgley is! Six years ago he was wait CT in a cheap restaurant. To-day he has a government job that pays him S7 GOO a year"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
formerly.

'No, dearest, 1t would not be at all right to take dollies to church."
 But, mamma, dear, 1t would not matter If only took the one who shuts her eyes, would itT'-New York News.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Lacked OripiuaIitv.

He-And am I really and truly the first man you ever kissed?
 She-Why, of course, you are, stu mid
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
Concrete Meanneas.

Mir. Spinkum-Ah, this reminds me of the pie my dear mother used to make.
 Mrs. Spinkum-Oh, Alfred, you don't know how glad I am to hear you say Ahn&
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

How a man whose collar wits iu fifteen minutes, hates a man who al. ways looks cool!
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
By Proxy.

'Narmaduke! Narmaduke. what are you C0ingT'
 Away, f-au woman. am g-lns u shoot myseIfw-AIly Sloper.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01

Pushing, did you say? You've got the wrong word. Pulling is what you Vnaon
The St. Johns herald., 1898-10-01
never told a lie.
He Had Proof.
He Had Proof. Her father-NO, can't consent to let you have my daughter.


thing you have against me personally
 Her father-NO, l like you all right, as far as that's concerned, but you don't { really lore each other.