The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1898-04-16
Deacon Francisco and His Calf.

WIDDLETOWN. y. Y, March -
The dumbness of calves shines out con
spicuous at weanin time, remarked
Farmer Samuel Mack. of Pepacton. who
was here Saturday, in Il talkative mood
Ter larn er calf ter drink you We got ter
poke yer finger in its mouth an let 1t
humble an chew at it an jam the beast
head down inter a pint wv milk i'll tn
tother han an mebbe Their fool calf won
know Their diff renee betwixt yer finger an
Their milk pail an er COW.
Twas one NV these pertikerly aggu-
vatin' an dumb calves that come mighty
near gettin' Deacon Francisco churched
for Swearin 1t come ter pass in this way.
'.Ther Deacon got inter his Sunday
eo-ter-meetim' clothes, an tux his Bible
under his arm an wuz jis er startin' fer
church when Mrs. Deacon spoke up an
says
Dan ell, did yer gin Their weaned calf
its milk this morning.
No, an ain er gon' ter, sed Their
Deacon, maxim fer Their door,
:. Why. Deacon Francisco, [ IN shamed
fer yer \ pretty deacon yer be ter pint
Their way ter hevvin soin off ter church
an leavin Il poor dumb brute suff rim fer
thel nee $ ries Nv life Their book yer
carryin' say as how ther man what mer-
ciful to his dumb beasts shall inherit ther
kingdom NV hevven. an you
"Waal. the deacon thinkin' the calf
dumbness easier to wrestle with than his
wife 5 tongue went out ter ther calf pen
with ther pail NV milk an sat it down
Wv course the cussedness and 'pracity NV
Their calf made it run away, an when ther
deacon called Come, bessie, come, bessie,
Their calf got off in Their far corner an jes'
rolled its big stupid eyes at him.
'Ther deacon allus Dragged that when
he sot out ter do er thing he did it wether
er no, an when ther calf didn't come he
went fer ther calf, an roun' an roun' Their
pen they went. Twas al isht fer ther
calf, but twan' t jes' accordin' ter the dea-
con ideas NV clestical dignity fer church
of Ger in his Sunday go-ter-meetin suit ter
be chasin er fool calf He wouldn't er
minded so much eff ther calf pen hadn' t
bin right erlong ther road an eff Their
church -goin' people hadn't snickered at
him. That riled Their deacon an before
he caught Their calf he was hot in more
ways than one.
"Arter he d got hold Nv ther calf he
yanked it by Their ears ter ther milk pail
an damned its head down inter Their milk.
sayin', Now drink, gosh hang yer, which
meant the same as swearin though tisn
swearin, not cordin ter my ways NV
thinkin' fer | some times say BY gosh
myself.
'Uv course Their calf didn't drink. 1t
jes went bloosh-ker blub in ther milk an
bowed it all over ther deacon's black
broadcloth trousers.
He tux one look at ther splashed
brOadcloths an then he tux tighter grip
on Their calf's ears. This time he seq
Drink, gol darn yer, an ther calf went
bloosh ker- agin' an more milk went
err fyin' outer the broadcloths.
by this time ther deacon dander wuz
up, an forgettin that he wuz deacon,
he grabbed ther calf head tight an began
jammin' it up an down inter ther pail jes'
ez if he meant ter sen it clear through
ther bottom an ez he jammed it an
rammed it up an down, splashin ther milk
what wuz left ev'ry which way, he jac'
lated
=" Col darn yer fer ther COL darnedest
fool calf what ever lived Spite my Sun
day briches, will yer? Eff ct wuzn' fer
Their grace Nv God in my heart d jam yer
damn head off 7
"An' ez he talked he KEEP er jammin
an er rammin ther calf head harder an
harder an Their man ain err livir' who ken
tell what he mightn't er said eff ther
dominic, who'd come erlong, an in spite
Nv Their deacon's cussin' wuz err latin fit
ter kill, hadn't er spoke up an said, Good
mornin' jes es eff twpz nuthin' fer him
ter hear his deacone cuss an sw ar.