Mesa free press., 1898-08-26

"GOllghtIy DOaSIS IHdC ne never
changes his mind" "He can't. No one
will swap with him."-Brooklyn Life.
SCI can tell platonic love from other
kinds of love-" "How can you tell 1t Y'
"Platonic lovers always fall desperate
ly In love with each other"
Wife Observation-Disclosures much
do you think we took In at the ba-
zaar? Husband (quietly)-How many,
you pean.-Boston Traveller.
Mr.. Hunker-I have merely a speak
ing acquaintance with Miss Throck-
morton. Mr.. Spatts-You are very
lucky; all her other acquaintances are
listening acquaintances.-Judge.
Druggist-See here! Why didn't YOU
tell that customer that we had some
thing just as good? New clerk-Because
he was after some postage stamps
Puck.
"Old Grabber ought to be satisfied
with the money he has" "He is
satis6ed-so much so that he wants a
lot more Of exactly the same kind."-
Tit-Bits.
Sarah (yawning)-W- what's trumps +?
Alice Qndignantly)-What stupidity.
Why, trumps was the card turned up
at the end of the deal-whatever that
was.-Judge.
Before man Is thirty he falls In
love with every pretty girl he looks at .
"YeSY "And after he Is thirty he falls
In love with every pretty girl who looks
at him" Chicago Record.
"You have looked upon my face for
the last time," he resolutely declared,
as he put on his hat. What are you
going to do," she cried; ''raise whis-
kers ?'-Chicago Daily News
Lady-Now that you have partaken
Of a good dinner, are you equal to the
task Of saving some wood? Tramp
Madam, equaMis not the proper word;
I'm superior to it.-Chicago News.
Washington belle Ito young naval Of
ficer-I suppose the hardships of your
Life at times, Lieutenant Sinecure, are
simply frightful. "Ya'as, very. The
cost of gold braid alone is something
feahful"
Il saw a fine specimen of Whistler's
art yesterday" said the girl who likes
pictures. Excuse me-" said Mrs.
Cumrox, gently; "but you mean you
heard 1t. don't you. dearY-Washing
ton Star.
"Now that your son Is partner in
stead of q clerk, Mr.. Hardly, does he
help you In your business as much as
formerly?" "a good deal more" ''That's
fine" Eyes; he never shows up at. the
Office now."
Benedick (scanning the butchers bilN
What's this? A shilling a pound for
shoulder Of mutton? 1t seems to me
that's rather high. Mrs. B.-Yes, dear;
but you know that high shoulders are
fashionable just -Tit-Bits.
'T'm proud of you," said the head of
the firm. II have letters from all over
Kansas saying that they have seen our
samples. How in the world did you
manage it?" and he patted the travel
ing man on the back. Cyclone"
"Ah," said gentleman who was
monopolizing the conversation, ut Is
easy enough to be good on $1,000
year; but some of us have to be good
for nothing, and"-looking round in
self-satisfed way-"seme of us arew
Mistress Get dinner to-day on the
gasoline stove, Bridget. Bridget Place,
mum, did thry, but tn stove wint out.
Mistress-Try again, then. Bridget
Yis, mum, but It's not come back Wit. 1t
wint out trough tn roof.-New York
Weekly.
''Thackeray a master Of style!' re,
'peated Chollie to the earnest person.
"My deah fellaw, you pawsMively don't
know what you are saying. I've seen
dozens of pictchgws of the old Johnny.
and not one of them showed a coat that
had the least approach to a 1t."-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Author-How do you like my new
play? Critic-It's simply great. The
robbery in the third act is the most
realistic piece Of work ever saw on
the stage. Author (pleased)-Do you
really think SO? Critic-Of course l
do. Why even the words spoken by
the thieves are stolen.
Mr.. Wellwood-How did you like
Nine. Medley? Miss Highrocks- She
was wretched. Mr.. Wellwood-I as
tonished to hear you say that 1 thought
she was in fine voice. Miss Highrocks-
Oh, her voice may have been all right,
but I'm sure the gown she wore never
could have been made In Paris.-Cleve-
land Leader.