Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1898-06-16

The turtle may be SLOW, put he usu-
ally gets there In time for the SOUP
Chicago News.
Willy-Why is Uncle Sam always
pictured with such long legs?
| Papa--I don't know. Perhaps the
pension agents could tell you.-Puck.
That theatrical manager acts as if
| he wanted the earth But he doesn't
He merely wants few stars
| Browning Monthly.
| Angry Manager-What did you mean
by smiling in that death scene? Ac-
| tor-With the salary you pay, death
seems a pleasant relief.-Fliegende
| Batter.
rs this our train?" said one waiting
passenger to another.
NO, it belongs to the company. but
Wen take the cars. '-Pittsburg Chron-
Telegraph
Bob (to Tommie, who has just been
spanked)-Tommle.
Thomas-Yes?
| Bob-Don't you wish you were an
acknowledgements Bazaar.
| Quizzer--What makes you think the
| inventor Of the tandem was a woman
Guyer-Man is placed in the back
| ground.-New York World.
ooh. | don't know" chuckled the In
dia rubber man, gazing upon the giant
| caout-chouc, the swells amt the only
ones that have family trees. New
| York World.
What is this Strawberries Ia old
Glory?" asked the regular boarder.
Red berries white sugar" said the
waiter, land blue milk "-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
"Fweddy. why don't you let your
mustache grow" why don't let
| it? Good heavens, dear boy, / do but
it n't."-Chicago Tribune.
How heartlessly Josephine treats her
| husband" Yes; she has bought a
bright red umbrella 50 he can't carry
it."-Chicago Record
McAtkins very tiresomc)-Want to
hear something funny?
Old Crusticus-No; I've heard it be-
! fore.-Harlem Life.
Simpkins-I thought you said Breezy
was welded to the truth?
Timpkins-So 1 always thought.
Simpkns-Weu. if he ever was, he's
a widower now.-Tid- Bits.
Now, don't say you went of with
10y umbrella because it had a hook
handle. just like yours"
NO; l went off with it because It
| has silk cover better than mine. -
! Detroit Free Press.
"Remember" said the good man.
that there are sermons in stones"
Not in those that you run against
| with your bike" retor1ed the cynic. and
the argument was necessarily. at II
! end.-Chicago News.
How did that Boston girl receive
your letter Offering MARRIAGE"
She wouldn't have me because |
don't like Ibsen, but she said my spell
ing and punctuation We're better than
she expected. Chicago Record.
F'illen-By the way. your wife has
| discontinued her pink teas.
| Follen-Well, yes. We've got a little
! pink tease at the house now that is
occupying all her Jime.-Indianapolis
| Journal
Il, said the pnmpous actor, was
once where the shells fell SO thick and
fast that to escape them was impos
| sible."
And you are alive to tell the talc?"
20, yes; the shells We're loade! with
egg.-Stray Stories.
Billy writes home" said the good
mother. that We must nrav for the
success Of the arms but its my opinion
! We orter remember the legs too; fer
my fust husband had two shot off tn"
| fuSt battle he ~uz in.-Chlcagp
Tlmes-Heraid.
Casey-PhWin will tn marriage he
pulled off?
Clancey-Yez talk loike it wor
prize f0ight.
CaSey-Oi choose me war -ruds.-NcW
York Journal.
.,rhere goes the most rnrlarl1ablc
man i'm this town
What's remarkable about him?"
"tfa,e era n,,t,, s,,.o.sef,,1 ,,,.rnbor+
-
wy me- " ~ ~ - ''''',' - 9
MADE man. u" says ne Eol iloh
through the faithfulnesS of his men
that work for hin, "-Chica.ro TrI}u1ne
Oh course an the otnef freaks IN INC
museum were sorry for her