Crawford avalanche., 1898-01-13


A volume on aids to the Cook"
Philadelphia North American.
A Juvenile LogicIan-Ma, Is there any
pie left In the pantry?" There is one
piece, but you can't have It." "You are
mistaken, ma, I've had it."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
'We've got to economize," said Nj.
Gargoyle to his wife. "vcry well, DEAR"
replied the good sMpwan. icheerfully.
"You shave youyseifahd Iilscutyour
hair" Harlem Life.
she-Did You see that bird of para
disc on Mrs. Styles hat Mt the theater
last night? He-That wasn't what the
fellow who sat behind her called it,
Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Passay-Eyerybody says my
daughter got her beauty from me.
What do you say to that? Mr.. Wits
Well think 1t was very unkind Of her
to take it from you.-Up to Date.
Zone 'er de troubles bout dlshere
life," said Uncle Eben, ''is dat by de
time a man hab realizln' sense dat he
orter learn sumpin', he feels like he's
too old ter staht n."-Washington Star.
Mr. Figg-"Happy is the country that
has no history'-do you understand
that, Tommy? Tommy-I guess it
means the kids are happy, cause they
don't have to study it.-Indianapolis
Journal. e
Bostonian-Is this friend that vou
wish to bring to dinner mach Of z
raconteur? Chicago Man-Blamed II
know; but, say, you'll die lauglln II we
get him to tellin' stories. Cleveland
Leader.
Willis-Parkers salary was doubled
a short time ago, so hear. Wallace
Yes, it was; but it got him III lots of
trouble. Willls-How's that? Wal
lace-His wife found 1t out.-Town
Topics.
Hungry Higgins-What do you think
this here football, anyway? Weary
Watkins-There is something In 1t call
ed rush line, amt they? 'Yaas."
"Well, that amt my line."-Indiauapo-
lis Journal.
Deacon Hamby-We're going to have
a reformed prizefighter talk at the tenn
perance meeting Thursday night. The
Deacon's Son-How is 1t possible that
he can be reformed il he still talks?-
Chicago News.
II get tired writing jokes lay after
day." said the amateur humo.isr.
Don't you care" replied his friend con-
sollngly. Think how tired the people
are who read them."-Phlladelph
North American.
II asked the young woman in front
of me to remove her big hat, so l could
see the stage" did she do it!" NO;
she said If she held her hat in her lap
she couldn't see the stage herself. =
Chicago Record.
sometimes" said Uncle Eben, "dar
wouldn't be so much objection to a
man habbin his own opinion ef ho
didn't persist In goin' aroun' an tryin
ter glib ebberybody else clear title to
t."-Washington Star.
"Great men," remarked the thought
full youth, "are frequently misunder-
stood by the public" That" replied
Senator Sorghum, gravely, lis very
true. And mighty lucky it is for some
of ."-Washington Star.
Jay Green (sourly)-If them people
don't do different about 1t, blamed IL
I'll go to the party tomorrow night.
Josh Medders-What do you want 'em
to do in order to get you to go? Jay
Green-Invite me.-Boston Traveller.
"You mean to tell me that you don't
think football ought to be sup
pressed? Just look how many get
MANNED and killed in the game" 1T
doesn't MAIN and kill anybody except
football players. Cincinnati En-
quirer.
81 won't submit to being turned
away" said the disappointed arrival
at the hotel. "See here-Pm fiushv And
he displayed roll Of bills. 81 know"
responded the clerk; but I've got
full use."-Phlladelphia North Amer
lean.
Old Gentleman debating indignant
letter)-"Sir: My stenographer, being
n lady, cannot take down whatsl think
of you. /, being a gentleman, cannot
think 1t; but you, being neither, can
easily guess my thoughts. Brooklyn
Life.
Different Point OF yiew.-"well,
what's the use of arguing?" said the
shlftless individuals; talk Is cheap"
"My dear SIR said the taxpayer, did
you never take into consideration the
actual cost of session of Congress?'
Chicago News.
Willie Smith was playing with the
Jones boys. His mother called, him:
willie. don't you-knew those are bad
boys for you to. play with?" "Yes.
mother" said Willie. II know that, but
then l am good.boy for them to play
with."-Household Words.
II never. knew" remarked the casual
reader, what poets mean by the spell
of imagination until to-day" "How
did you find out?" Happened TO no.
ticc how some Of the dialect writer's
Imagine words are pronounced In Ger.
tain parts of the country."-Washins-
ton Star.
Farmer Hayrick tdistressedly)--
Wotcher wanter git divorce fer, Man
dy? Hain't allus treated yer rightl
His Wife dlscontentedly)-The yer
hev, Silas. an stan willin' ter give 4
raon,,,r,anl but x-a,. GOO ~. &sxf.