Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1898-10-31
ABOUT enlr0Rs.
E ,scnc ri,ld's Digs Il Newspaper Men Ia
His Humorous Primer.
THE EDITORS HOME.

THE EDITORS HOME.
Here is a Castle 1t is the Home Of
an Editor. 1t has stained Glass win
dows and Mahogany stairways. IN
front Of the Castle is Park. Is it not
Sweet. The lady in the Park is the
Editors wife. She wears a Costly robe
of Velvet trimmed with Gold Lace, and
there are Pearls and Rubies in he.
Hair. The editor sits on the front
Stoop smoking an Havana Cigar. HIS
little Children are playing with Dia-
mond Marbles on the Tesselated Floor.
The editor can afford to Live In Style.
He gets Seventy Five Dollars month
Wages"
THE BAD MAN.
Here is Man who has just
stopped his Paper. What a Miserable
looking Creature he Is. He looks as II
he had been stealing Sheep. How will
he Know what is going on, now that
he has Stopped his Paper? He will
Borrow his Neighbours Paper. One of
these Days he will Break his leg, or be
Candidate for Office, and then thu
Paper will Say Nothing about It. That
will be treating him just Right, VIII
it not, little Children"
THE EDITORS KNIFE.
Here we have a knife. 1t looks like
a Saw, but it is knife. 1t belongs TO
an Editor, and Is used for Sharpening
Pencils, killing Reaches, opening
Champagne Bottles, and Cutting the
Hearts out of Bad men who Come into
the office to Whale the Reporters.
There Is Blood on the Blade of the
Knife, but the Editor will Calmly Lick
it off, and then the Blade will be as
clean and Bright as ever. The knife
cost seventy Cents. and was imported
from London. Connecticut. If you are
good, perhaps the Editor will give it
to you to Cut off the Cats Tail
THE PROOFREADER.
See the Proof-Reader. He has been
reading the Proof of Medical Conven-
ton. He is not Swearing He is read
ing the Bible. You cannot See the
Bible. 1t is Locked up in an Iron Box
in the Editors Room. The proof
Reader is Saying something about
Damming Something. Perhaps it Is
the Creek
AN ELI loIt LOooE.
This is the way the editor feels when he
does his sentiment in blank verse:
II would flee from theNcity's rule and
law-from its fashions and forms cut
looSe-and go where the strawberry
grows on its straw and the gooseberry
grows on its goose: where the catnip tree
is climbed by the cat as she crutches for
her prey--the guileless and unsuspecting
rat on the rattan bush at play: / will
catch with ease the saffron COW and the
cowlet in their glee. as they leap in joy
cowslip tree; and list while the partridge
drums his drum and the woodchuck
chucks his wood and the dog devours the
dogwood plum in the primitive solitude.
u let me drink from the moSSgrown
pump, that was hewn from the pumpkin
tree. Eat mush ana milk from rural
stump. from folly and fashions free-new
gathered mush from the mushroom vine,
and milk from the milkeeed sweet-with
pineapple from the pine. And then to
the whitewashed dairy I'll turn, where
and golden-red butter to churn from the
milk of her butterflies; and I'll rise at
morn with the earliest bird. to the fra
grant farm-yard pass, and watch while
the farmer turns his herd of grasshop-
pers out to grass
1t is said that just before patent med
was asked how he would like to be
buried. He had just strength enough to
say. Insert me top column, next to
reading matter. fifty-two times electro
by mail" and then he closed his eyes and
passed away to that bourne where there
are no omissions or wrong insertions.
The editor riseth in the morning and
knoweth not what the day may bring
forth. If he telleth all the news he run
meth great risk of having a tin ear put
on him, and if he telleth not the news the
people say he is n. g., and there is no joy
in it. The crafty man cajoleth him into
giving him a so cent puff for 5 cent ci-
gar, and all fond mothers frown on him
If he, fails to flatter their freckled face
broods. And all his ways are ways OF
woe, and his days are full of sorrow The
insurance man setteth snares for him,
time.
Office boy-Say, dere's big Teller down
stairs who wants ter lick yer, and a sad
try.
Editor-Show up the big man.
chicago Editor-1n your report of the
banquet you say: 1.-The table fairly
groaned beneath the weight of good
things to. eat" The description sounds
az right in a general way, but can't you
give 1t more local color?
~, New Reporter,Certainly. I'll say that