The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1898-02-27
M'SOFTER K A BATH.
OF n GUEST AT 4 DINNER
IN THE SUBURBS.

"
Penalty or Ignorance or Conditions That Pre-
vail ut Penttence Pnrk-A Distressrui sit
nation In n Bnthtub for which Ordinary
Enpedients Seem to Onor No Remedy.
1t is easier for q camel TO pass through tho
eye Of q needle than for q city dweller TO get
back from Penitsnce Park late at night. There
fore when wandle. who Is the other resident of
the street on which Col. George Barry lives. in
that arctic suburb. invited young McSofter out
TO n small dinner party he asked him to stay all
night. McSofter had always been led to believe
by both Barry and Wandle that their part Of
the town was within half a dozen strides of tho
station for q man with reasonably long legs.
Upon inquiry at the station. however, he judged
It best to hire n carriage. This took him half
way and he then got out and walked. leaving
the eouipage stuck in the mud hole and the
coachman reviling his horse with n whitening
wealth Of language. BY graceful balancings
along lines Of stone fence and long leaps over
rivulets Of mud. flowing between semi-solid
islands, he contrived to get himself and his grip
to the Wandlcs' front gate. Then two dogs
hurried across lots to find out what he was there
for. and he sat on the fence swinging his grip
viciously and yelling for tho wandles. When
he got into the house finally. no was very tired
and muddy.
ave were 30 afraid that something might
delay you. Mr.. McSoftcr." said Mrs. Wandle
as she shook hands with him. And I've picked
out tho belle Of tho place for you to take in to
dinner. Pretty and clever and something of I'M
heiress, too. They live about a mile up the
street."
DO they keep n bailoonr' asked Mcsofter.
"A balloonl' said Mrs. Wandlc.
Because II they don't. it's big odds against
her ever getting here
"Ob. that's tho way these benightod city
chaps think they're bound to talk about the
suburbs put In Wandle. ''Come along, Nc.
Softer, and I'll show you your room. It's time
you got into your clothes"
"I've soaked In more mud than I'll ever get
, soaked out" said McSofter discontentedly as
they went upstairs. Give me the biggest bar
OF soap in the house and several brushes. Hope
your bathtub's a big one. l want to wallow."
"All right; but don't wallow too long. Din.
ner In less than an hour"
At the foot Of the stairs O thought struck
Wandle.
Hello, Mac!' he shouted.
Hello yourself"
Don't get the water too hot. The new paint
in tho tub eets sticky"
"All right" McSofter shouted back; then
grumbled to himself, "What the deuce is he
talking about Something about not filing up
TIE tub too full, / suppose. Where does he hide
his Internal bath gowni"
Having found the bath gown he made his
way to the bathroom, filed up the tub with
water as hot as he could stand 1t and proceeded
TO scrub himself vigorously with the brushes.
Then he stretched himself at full length in the
tub ana repturously quoted to the ceiling frag.
Wow, Wow wowl
I'm wallowing now
Like a mud.caked COW
It's fun to wallow when you know how.
Wow Wow! !! Wow Il!
Luxuriously stretched out, with the comforting
ra rtpth nf fhn tnat nv M n trr hE-, 500, -- f|1
into gentle revories nor rocked particularly Of
the passage OF time until his meditations were
tthsSdi door in aad tRs Voice Gy Of q I @andio asd fnGSf g:
Are you asleep there, Maci You've only
twenty minutes to get down in"
"All right. old man" replied McSofter "Ill
De there in time. Clear the way for me-"
A. Wandle's footsteps died away. the tather
adhered slightly to the bottom Of the tub,
That's an internally queer thing" said Nc.
both my shoulder blades"
He essaysd to lift his feet, but the heels were
set firm, First one and then the other he wag-
gled violently unit, they looscncd. Tney came
Ing to the thick, callous skin. 4 horrible
thought thrilled the spine of McSoftcr. 1t
hadn't hurt his shoulders much because there
was little weight on them. and 1t hadn't hurt
his feet much because the skin was calloused,
II wonder" said Mcsofter.
He rocked softly from side to side. A wave
OF pain shot across his features, He gently es-
bayou " IiSe, lueu BUNK DdCk, MS muscles mac
stuck
despairingly. How the devil am i to get out3'
Under circumstances OF great distress, they
say. the human mind works swiftly and keenly.
All the expedients for eXtricating oneself from
perilous or uncomfortable situations that he
had ever heard Of, read OF. or thought OF, he
tried to recall to mind. but mono seemed to fit
the peculiar. circumstances OF the present oc-
Sasion; To be shipwreoked in a ba,htqb!, To
dare not call! To have become. as it were.
a I'm by means which he understood
ton of a house, This. indeed, was the irony OF
fate. 1t suddenly struck him that Wandle had
called out a warning about this very thing.
the water too hoti BY thunder, that was it.. /
To lean over and reach the stopper was a
poignant agony. Out it came. and soon tho
GOODNESS on McSoft, RS body told Of the subsi.
dence OF The waters; Attic harsh sucking
tho stranded youth laid hold of the edge OF his
prison and pulled. Something seemed TO give
SSei aonidn M be aeyfa Il wb bst th 1sd paint inter, hi 6 G y nois
seemed to indicate that it was the latter. Cold
beads or anguish stood out on his brow: Cold
OF the water the normal atmosphere of the room
seemed almost arctic; His condition was now
kept long IN 2 that situalion NJ < h's siesvye Of Of the tn G Ssts
ment. he wrapped himself in it as best he could,
but l. was at best a poor protection. Obvious.
~ the, only thing TO 40 as protection against
the cold was TO I'LL up the tub again with hot
water. This involved the pang OF leaning for.
ward again. and he resolved this time not to
lose the ground gained in this way. Throwing
out his bath, gown like a lasso. he brought in
with, great skill u towel. Then, bending for
ward. he stuffed the towel like q wedge be;
turned on the faucet. The water gurgied and
the zone OF warmth rose again.
pretty soon they'll wonder where l am
said McSofter to himself. Then Wandlo win
come up here. and III never hear the end OF the
joke, II / only had "a book and a cigar. now, I
could stand It,. Just my cursed, bullnead luck,
and a pretty girl waiting for me to take her in
to dinner, too. ConfOund Wandle and his tub
ABOUT this time Mrs. Wandlc was saying 10
Harry, what do you suppose Is the matter
with Mr.. Mcsofter. We're ten minutes lato
Probably fallen asleep IN the bathtub, or left
his dress trousers at home and trying to find a
ade as black"
70 up and hurry him up, dear. The din.
Cant do II now. There's old Gen. Bludgeon
nfr1 @A