Evening star., 1898-09-10
Views Of a Man Who Does Not Like
the Town.
VISIT TO 4 POPULAR TABLE D'HOTE
Gotham Would Like to Have the
Bones of Columbus.
POLICE COURT JUSTICE
special Correspondence of The Evening Star.

poast OF the eating places of New York it
| Is then your cue to smile quizzically in his
teeth. Ihls will induce him to believe that
you hho" thing or two about restaurants
yoursef-as, no doubt you do, it being
presupposed that you are merely visitor
III new YORK, and not resident hereof.
Also, your skeDtical smile will pique him
into dragging you off forthwith to a typical
Ne" York restaurant. He'll "show YOU
ana ne IL prove to you," and so on. There
py, you gain dinner. AS, of course he will
convoy you to table dhote, the percentage
Is ABOUT nine in ten against your getting
| good dinner. Yet, a dinner is a dinner,
anu even IL the dinner to which you are
plioted by your New York friend proves
10 De sloppy, tasteless, absurd conglom-
eratlon or mysteries, you yet have the
compensation of watching the New York
man "hile ne is engaged in the act of bum
cong himself into the belief that he is
partakins Of good food and drink, amid
what he calls bizarre surroundings.
one of the qualities of mind that the New
1orker does not possess (and the admis-
sion may be ventured that there are others
is the sense of humor, and, the refore if
during the slow progress of the ia ole d'hote
70 Whlch he hales you in too-previous
triumph he catches you in the act of
snlilhs, ne will attribute your les to the
ecstacy of the hour, and not to yo ur innate
sense OF the ridiculous. For tn, chances
are many to one that he Will LEAD you to
table d,hote away over on the vest side,
down town-as well say on Ntacdougal
street, and be done with it-that is in the
enjoyment of huge vogue just now; and
as you are not of New York, Id there
fore possessed of the sense of hunlor there
Will be laugh coming to you at This tai
hote
1t is In a quarter, this table d'hote, with
IN the purieuS Cf which you might hover
for as much as week without ever hear
ing the English language spoken by any
human being save the weary cop on the
Beat. You will hear Yiddish, and the
French Of ST Antoine, and Plattdeutsch
ana the patois of Corsica and the Sicilies
and the jargoE here and there of the
orient; but English speech none 1t is a
composite neighborhood, and brawling lit
tie children, with few or no clothes inter-
cept you at every step, on your path to the
table hote, dema ding backsheesh in all
OF the languages of Babylon. The building
wherein the table d'hote is established is
one OF mary 'brown-stonefront" affairs
Tor Macdougal street, many years ago, be-
longed to the quality. There is TO sign or
placard or legend device whatsoever on
the exterior of the table dhota to indicate
that it is table d'hote. You are supposed
to have 1.-The know and to be led thither
Great scheme, that" says your New
York friend, calling your attention to the
obScureness of the table d'hote. No cir
cusinS of the place, y'see. Keeps the mob
away. Only frequented by the right people,
you know. Ordinary run of table d'hoters
not next to it yet
To gain access to the table d'hote YOU
sneak in at the basement door stumbling
over flled ash can Or so in the semi
darkness of the areaway. Then you follow
your New York friend down a long base
ment hallway. Cimmerian in its darkness.
AS you approach the end of the hall the
neat becomes as intolerable as the heat of
the stoke-hole of a man-of-War under
forced draught and, looking to your right
and to your left, you perceive greasy lit
tered rooms, wherein greasy Frenchman
ana greasy French women, all of them in
the hnal stages of personal neglect bend
over battered ranges, cooking, or superin-
tending cooking. You gasp for air and
your New York friend leading the way.
opens the rear door Of the hall and Won
md yourself in the yard-the back yard
The yard? you inquire. Surely dinner is
not served i'll the back yard? Then Won
look around, and you see a lot of wooden
tables scattered about. A big awning.
mace mace OF dlrty san canvas, is spread over
the entire yard. A dozen or so of property
palms, palpably of papier mache or some
composition of that sort are supposed ia
add a rustic, sylvan effect to the scene A
tinE fountain, spouting dirty water in a
basin filled with Misunderstanding gold
fish, stands in the middle of the place Al
the back end of the awning covered ward
is Il huge representation on canvas Of -
huSe thaSseur d Afrfque standing Ajax
IKE on a little knoll of sand engaged in the
act of looping off the heads of a few score
Arabs who rush at him. The grass is spot
ty, Withered, brownish in hue. and oyer-
worked i'll appearance.
What you can call dining al fresco for
fair, hey?" inquiries your New York friend,
turning to you with a proud look
You take your seat at one of the tables
tkere is no tablecoth, but a large red
damask napkin is spread before Won on
the table,, and look around at the people
there. The right people," your New York
friend had said. Now he begins to enumer-
ate them for you. At the head of one of
the long tables, an assistant district attor-
ney of the city of New York A passe r0-
mantle actor, with future behind him.
medico-legal expert, whose fame is great
hereaboutS during the progress of poison
ing cases. Three women who have writ
ten books that are tabOoed in seminaries
y dozen well-dressed, sharp-featured men.
for the magazines, and writes very we'll
on nothing a year. An actress who IS
really eminent in her profession. but whose
thirst after the cheap-and-tawdry obi
zarre" is not to be assuaged. A couple of
physicians, always seen in company who
are known to neglect good practices in or
der to amuse themselves by digging out
the bizarre" A quantity of young men
with characterless countenances who NAV
be considered in bulk. A man who writes
1or the magazines and writes very well
and who does not look amused And so
on. There are perhaps fifty persons in this
back yard table d'hote. They all aDpear
to know each other They talk across the
tables. They all appear to be on parade
They all appear to be saying unto them
selves, Now, isn't this boulevardish and
bizarre?" They all essay witty speeches
and some of them occasionally drift into
military school seminary French. and
get hopelessly entangled, and become red
and f1ustered over ib'before they return to
the terra firma of English speech At each
long table there is ONE man or woman who
appears to be the leader, 1.-the chairman. the
bCss, the idol of all the others, what Won
will. No matter how fiat the speeches of
this leader. the applause of the others at
the table follows infallihfy
'Brainy and clever lot, hey?" INQUIRIES
your New York frian1, lighting a cigarette
while you waiting for the soup He
looks somewhat grieved when you simply
reply, "U-mm.'
When the soup arrives you find it to be
dishwatery to the last degree, and after
you taste it you look up with the expecta-
ton of hearing him break into an explosion
of disgust over it.
Real thing, isn't i6?'' he asks you You
are amazed, for in Washington you have
given him a good dinner two, which he
aIreared to enjoy.
Chef here's got the knack of throwing
the genuine article of soup together hasn't
hep he asks you again, and You are COM
pelled to lie and tell him that it is too