The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-12-11

brain fever. They told me he never
spoke after they found him.
Right after the news OF his death
was made public u became known That
ne had proposed to a girl on the night
of the ball and she had refused him.
Everybody thought that was the rsa-
son. but 1t seemed strange that ne had
left no message for anyone. The girl
did not seem To be in the least al
fccted by his death, and as he had no
relatives who's grief might have been
lessened by the knowledge that per-
haps IL was an accident | kept silent.
IL was not to spare myself, as II would
have been a relief for me to have told
all I knew about 81. but for the sake
Of the little ones who would have nad
to share my sorrow and shame. Yet OF
times the uncertainty seemed harder to
bear thar an actual knowledge of my
guilt would have been.
after that we came to Chicago 40
live. l was young in years. but felt
aged beyond expression. Yes, I'm spite
Of my sorrow. | felt II necessary for me
To be cheerful In appearance at least, In
order to keep my brother and sister
happy. 50 | devoted n much time as
possible tn music and other studies they
were engaged I'm and ] entered into al
their pastimes. No one had the least
reason to suspect the unutterable gloom
OF my life. one OF my dearest compau-
ions was a young girl who became on
gagged To a man whom | liked very
much. I never new a manlier person
than he was. Yet for a yer. silly Tca-
son they quarreled and then he went
away. She was miserable and I soon
learned hat she loved him with all her
heart. yet she could not bring herself
to be the first to admit having been
wrong.
He had told me how much he cared
for her. and after a while I wrote to
him telling him how unwise II was for
two people who loved each other To
persist in being wretched and advised
him To come back. The next day ] re-
ceived a telegram expressing ~rapturDus
thanks and saying he would come at
once. He started that night and the
train he was on was wrecked and he
was killed. The girl lived only a month
after his death and before she died she
became delirOus and cursed me for hav-
ing killed him. Perhaps I should not
have told her. but I thought il would
make her grief lighter TO know tnat
he loved her all the time.
Last spring 7 vent east and met a
young man who paid me considerable
attention. ] learned to like him very
much as a friend. but with the curse
which seems TO be hanging over my
mead 7 could not allow anyone - be-
come attached to me IL II could lie
avoided. 50 I did what I could to dis
courage his attentions. This seemed %
make him more pers 'stent. perhaps be-
cause his pride was wounded. and he
tried TO learn the reason for the chang
In my demeanor. but he obtained no
telling Of something said by a man who
satisfaction. one day a woman was
declined to serve with his regiment and
without thinking Of the presence 81 thf
young man. 7 said i would despise sny
man who would not fight for hi:
country IL his services We're needed.
Two days later ] received a letter
from him saying he had enlisted and
was on his way south and he hoped
would think more kindly Of him wher
ne returned. II he DID return. YesteT
day. I saw his name in a list ~ th0s'
who died 81 fever. And ! sent him q
lis death.
so far 7 have borne this terrible
burden alone thinking to spare 0'her'
from sharing my sorrow, but IL il be