The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1898-05-12
DOOLEY TO HIS
COUSIN GEORGE

Ci;.icago Journal: We'll" said Mr.
EIennessy. in tohes of cfastened joy.
View ey didn't do thing to thin. 1
there IN Minneapolis"
"Niver fear said Mr. Dooley calmly
Cousin George is all fright"
Cousin Gecrge?" MIR. Hennessy ex-
claimed.
Sure" said Mr.. Dooley, Dewey or
Dooley. It's all tn same We dhrop a
letter here an there, except tn
haitches-we1 nfver dhrop thin-but
we're tn same breed iv fightin' men.
Georgy has tn thraits iv tn family.
Me Uncle Mike, that was handy man
vas t0uld Wanst he'd be STINT to hell
FIR his nanny sins, an he deserved it,
f'r PAWN cut tn wan sin iv runnin'
away firm annywan he was booked FIR
iverthin' firm murdher to missin' mass.
Well he says, amy place ! can get
into he says, I can get out w. he
says. 'Ye bet on that he says.
so it is with Cousin George. He
knew tn way in, an it's tn same way
out. He didn't go IN be tn family in
thu nce, sneal1in' along with tn can un-
dkeG his coat. He left Ding Dong, or
Wnativer it's ye call it. an says he,
Thank Cawd.' he says, I'm where Nc
Kinley can't give me his ideas iv how
to run quiltin' party an call it war,
he says. An so he stint a man down in
q divin' shute an cut tn cables, SOS
Mack cuddent chat with him. Thin he
prances UP to tn Spanish forts an
hands thin q few oranges. Tosses thin
cut like a man throwin handbills FIR
circus. Take that he says, an ray
nIimber tn Maine he says. An he
goes into tn harbor, where Admiral
What-th'-'ell is, ana says he, 'Surrin-
Ger, he says. 'Niver,' says tn Dago.
Well says Cousin George, I'll just
have to push ye ar-round, he says. An
be tosses q few slugs at tn Spanyards
TIL Spanish admiral shoots at him with
bow an arrow an goes over and
writes a cable. This mornin we was
attacked he says. an he says. we
fought tn inimY with great courage,
he says. Our victhry is complete, he
says. We lost iyerythin'. we had he
says. TIL threachrous foe,' he says,
'afther destroyin' us, sought refuge be-
hind a mudscow,' he says but nawthin'
daunted us. What boats he cudden't
r-run ashore we surrindered' he says.
/ can write no more he says, as me
coat tails are afire,' he says, an l am
bravely but rapidly leapin' firm wan
vessel to another, followed by me val
amt crew with a fire engine, he says.
If l can save me coat tails, he says,
D.
Long live Spain, long live mesilf.'
we sir, IN twinty eight minyits be
tn clock Dewey he had all tn Spanish
boats sunk an that there harbor lookin'
Ike q Spanish stew. Thin he r-run down
tn bay an handed a few war-rm vans
Into tn town. He set it on fire, an
thin wint ashore to war-rm his poor
hands an feet 1t chills tn blood not
to have anything to do f'r an hour or
So"
Thin why don't he write some
thing?" Mr.. Hennessy demanded
Writer" echoed Mr.. Dooley Write?
Why shud he write? Dye think Cousin
George amt got nawthin'. to do but to
set down with fountain pen an write:
Dear Mack: At o'clock 1 begun a
peaceful blockade iv this town. Ye can
see tn pieces Everywhere. 1 hope ye'er
ir jyin' tn same great blessin' So
TO more at pristine. Firm yours thruly,
George Dooley' Ee amt that kind.
tbs IL nice day. an he's there, smokin'
a good tin-cint see-gar an THROWN
dice f'r tn drinks. He don't care
whether We know what he's done or
not. TT bet We whin we come 10 find
cut about him, we'll hear he's nicted
himself king iv tn Filipino islands.
Dooley this Wanst. He'll be settin' up
there u-dher a nam three with nay
gurs fan-in' him an dhrop iv Ticker
in tn hollow iv his arm, an hootchy-
kcotchy oirls dancin' befure him, an
livery tn or twinty minyits some wan
bringin' a prisoner in Who's this?'
says King Dooley. "A Spanish gia-ral,'
says tn copper. Give him q typewriter
an set him to wurruf,' says tn king
On with tn dance, he says An afther
a while. whin he gifts tired iv tn game,
he'll write home an say he's got tn
islands. az he'll TURN thin over to
tn government an go back 10 his ship,
an MARI Hasna's organizs tn Flip
inc Islands Jutc ar Cider comp ny, an
tn Tivc,Utchipists'l wish they hadn't
That's what'1 happen. Mark me
Wu-r.-d."