Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-10-16


you and Mrs. OHogan get together and
become excited In discussing the COMPARE
tive merits OF your babies, we have enough
windmills on our premises"
She got mad as hops when she heard
this joke-hghting mad. saw IL In min
ute, and knew she was going to bat the
excelsior out OF me and then grind the
debris TO powder.
The greatest milling appliances Mrs.
o'Hogan and myself have at our houses
are two ,nIl-stones around our necks IN
the shape OF good-for-nothing meddle-
some husbands" she retorted in cold
storage voice which gave me the chill
blains And having thus pulverized me
sho bought Delft clock 4x3 inches In
size, which cost 50. 1t runs week and
then takes months vacation, but II Is
pure Delft, and has windmills on it.
Our parlor is dream of beauty. but,
IKE the Dead Sea, no living creature in
habits It, The windmills are doing bus-
ness at the old stand, and are having
breezy time OF IL, but the sofa has got
its back UP because 1t lacks silken cush-
ions. The chairs are not on speaking
terms with each other, and refuse to
make advances, but the foot ensemble"
as we say in Dutch, Is fine. / would like
20 die in that parlor-ip fact, ! don't
know better place to die in. And will
this extravaganza bankrupt US? No, this
extravaganza Will rot bankrupt us. The
Communicated Chief has sounded the
slogan of retrenchment and reform We
have frightened our belts. and now eat
cabbage ard wear the same collar three
days, and do without sugar I'm our coffee.
and stand on one foot as much as posi-
BILE, so that we may not wear out the
other shoe. II will all come right In that
sweet hereafter, and meanwhile we are
allowed as much salt and pepper as we
need, and can either take our water
with mud in It, or with plain, ordinary
grit and vegetable matter. There win be
| no more purchases till Mrs. OHogan
| makes another move.
I'm the days when l was young and In
nocent and before | had had opportunl-
| ties TO see the world. I used to think
| that onions were the most self-assertive
| things on earth and that no matter where
you put them they would be heard FROM
but recently have discovered something
which puts these vegetables in the shade
| II you want TO give your nose steady
| Job without any vacations or PUBIC hol-
days drop into the packing-room the day
your wife is fixing up the old clothes with
| NlOln-DdllS, anu SIlltli lNC iiiOSNHb-'OOh-
| ing little white things They are so
| pretty and chaste-looking that you could
almost use them for parlor ornaments
| that is among noseless people-but the
| trouble Is they won't allow themselves
| to go out of your memory for an instant.
| one moth-ball can get in more GOOD,
| honest W. K than a dynamite cartridge
| For my part never was much In favor
| Of insects, particularly flies and mos
| quitos, but / do think these little white
| spheres are impositions on moths, es-
pecially as moths dc nothing worse thar
eat up old clothes. ANY bug that gets
a square meal out of my garments after
finish wearing them is entitled TO the
highest consideration and deserves vote
Of thanks for his enterprise.
Recently when we were putting away
our sartorial treasures dropped into the
waste-room to add the wisdom OF some
Of my practical suggestions and while
there I shifted IN enough tar to pave
fourteen blocks OF asphalt streets. or
course there were no flies on me- You
couldn't have gotten fly to so much as
sign his name anywhere on the premises.
and as for the moths. they were holding
indignation meetings nino blocks away.
When I went down town that afternoon
I noticed that the whole population APP
peared 10 be walking on the other side
| OF the street People looked as II they
we're trying to shur me. My best ano
most tried friends. on catching sight o.
me. hurried on as If / had malignant
case OF leprosy. and my good pastor, wht
generally loves to chat with me. skipped
away as II l had been possessed OF evi
spirits And somehow or other, as
| annbled along. / couldn't help thinking Of
| n
reminded me Of them. They kept popping
into my head and couldn't get the things
from my thoughts. on reaching my office
| observed that every person with whom
came in contact and who could not
avoid me had a kink In his nose and
appeared to have run across an oletac-
tory snag No one was impolite enough
to say anything but / could see that
lot Of thinklng-and smelling-was go
ing on. My own nose was powerfully
busy. too. and had all the business IT
coul , attend to. For an hour or so
endured this agony in enforced secluson,
and then. in a spirit of desperation.
reached out down in my pocket for my
handkerchief When / jerked out this
/ cheerful bandana five little round white
balls rolled over on the floor. The mys-
terry was solved. One Grover Cleveland,
a small and mischievous urchin and a
T descendant Of mine, had, in Jocose spirit
inserted these odoriferou3 articles into
, my pockets while l was attending 10 my
! household duties, and doubtless mao
cbuckled himself away by this time. II
was a splendid joke, but that night
applied q slipper externally to his most
vulnerable parts. and since this unusual
! ! muscular exercise on my part l observe
q that he shows certain degree OF din
o. dence about sitting down.