The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1898-04-23
THE GEORGIA HUMORIST.

THE GEORGIA HUMORIST.
1 GRAPHIC RETROSPECT OF HIS FIRST
POLITICAL VENTURES.
At Tender Voting Ago the barlow Man
was Inveigled Into tho Ranks Of the Old
Know-NotlAins Party---Other Amusing
and Intere sting Discussio ..
Experiences is good schoolmaster.
I was Eliminating about the schemes
and tricks Of the politicians who hank
er after Office and my memory went
back to the old know-nothing party
during the SOS, and how the politi-
clans pulled the wool over my eyes and
inveigled me in. I was young then
and easily fooled. But was dread
fully in earnest, for I really feared
that foreigners were about to take the
country and that Roman Catholics
would soon get in power through the
Irish vote and the Spanish inquisition
would be revived and the devil turned
loose for / 1000 years. And so joined,
and they made me an officer and gave
me long sword and I guarded the
door and my insignia was white re-
gala with the motto: "Put none but
Americans on guard tonight" I tell
You felt proud and I felt responsible
for the preservation of political and
religious liberty. I would have fought
panthers and wildcats and gorillas. In
fact, wanted to fight something, fol
the know-nothing press and know
nothing orators and know-nothing
preachers Lad got us aroused to des-
peration and I could hardly keep my
hauds off an Irishman when met him
in the street.
Every preacher in town joined and
Brother Caldwell and Brother Still
well were made chaplains, and they
prayed long and earnestly for our
country and its hallowed institutions.
Oh! it was solemn and serious. But
one night it was proposed to choose
delegates to go to a convention to
nominate candidate for congress and
it leaked out that man was to be
nominated who had no moral standing
in the community, but he was rich and
had used his money freely and we be-
gan to smell q mice. About that time
Alex Stephens took the field against
our order and I never heard such a
speech in my life. He everlastingly
ambasted our leaders for trying to
fool the people and he made us Demo-
Gratis feel as mean as q dog for ever
having fallen into the trap. Before
that / really thought I was doing
Gods service in helping good patriots
to save the country. One dark night
told my wife o lie about having
urgent business at my Office and
wouldent be back until late, very late,
and / went out six miles in the country
to an old millhouse on Silver creek.
Half q dozen officers went along
with me and we instituted branch
lodge up in the garrett of the old mill
and got covered all over with cobwebs
and -four, and next morning my wife
got up first and looked at. my clothes.
She ruminated for q minute and then
remarked: "Had to go to mill last
night 1 see. I didn't know that the
-four was out" For some time had
been q suspect with her about this
Office business at night, for every time
know-nothing meeting was called
little three-cornered red papers were
seen on the sidewalks about town, and
it was norated around that the know.
nothings we're to meet that night. The
next day our wives compared notes
and found out that nearly all the men
had business down town that night
Cant fool these women. They don'i
like secret societies no how. A good
| faithful wife doesent like anything
that gets in between her and her hus
band. She has no secrets from him
and he ought not to have any from
her. Not long after we were married
l joined secret society and when she
got to looking over my undergarmentl
to see If the buttons were all right, she
discovered that the buckles were gone
and I couldent explain it to her salts
faction. But she found out from som,
other woman, ana whenever 1 got I
new pair OF drawers she asked me If
dident want the buckles cut of.
Well, the know-nothing party diet
early in these parts, for the people
found out that it was o politica
scheme to get into Office. just SO tn
politicians got into the Farmers Ali
ance and took charge of it, and the,
got up an Ocala platform and q BIZ
| subtreasury scheme whereby grea
warehouses were to be built by tn
government in every congressional
district where the farmers could store
their cotton and corn and oats and
sorghum and potatoes and pumpkins,
and draw money on them and hold
them in the warehouses until thu
price went up. One Of the lead
srs declared in a public speech
in Macon that they were going
to hold the cotton until it went t.
Is cents, and he made the people be
lieve it, and they rolled him into con
gress. by tidal wave. The alliance
looked upon lawyers as suspects ant
not fit to hold Office nor fitten to ge
itten, and so one lawyer sold his Law
books and burned the bridge behint
him and. joined Gideon's band, swal
lowed the Ocala platform. subtreasur.
and all, and the confiding peopl'
rolIed him into congress. But he sui