Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1898-05-30
JUST FOR FUN.

live in big city? Yes, but what can
one do? It's more expensive still to
die there.
According to a Missouri coroner's
jury, the deceased came to his death
by being struck by railroad train in
the hands of receiver
Where on earth could she have pick
ed up so insignificant husband? |
haven't any exact information, but he
looks as if he might have gone with a
pound of tea.
hope, papa, said Bobbie, that the
government isn't buying it's torpedoes
of Mr.Spillkins down in the village. |
got some there last Fourth of July,
and half of them wouldn't go off.
Rev. DIR. Fourthly-How do you
manage to get your salary paid up in
full every year? Rev. DR.. Fifthly-I
give the people to understand that
without it I shall be unable to take
my usual vacation.
Father-Well, Tommy, how do you
think you will like this little fellow
for brother? Tommy inspecting the
new infant somewhat doubtfully)-
Have we got to keep him, papa, Or is
he only sample?
Hixon-I understand DIR. Thirdly's
congregation are talking of sending
| him to Europe. Dixon-Yes; that's
their intention. Hixon-For a rest, I
suppose? Dixon-Yes; the congrega-
ton think they are entitled 30 it.
An Old Timer-Simpkins was given
an egg at the restaurant to-day that
had distinct w marked on it. That
must refer to the Spanish war. That's
what Simpkins thought until he open
ed it, He says it was the War of 1912.
Excuse me, but it seems to me that
I must have met you before. Arc
you not brother or near relative of
Maj. Gibbs? No, I am Major Gibbs
himself All, indeed; that explains
the remarkable resemblance.
The Atchisop Globe says that To-
peka girl who wanted to post up on
the navy bought a copy of "Ships
That Pass in the Night That's the
way Dewey passed into Manila har-
Dor, anyhow.
Kilsoh-You left the club at 3
O'Clock this morning and came back
at 4. We're you locked out at home?
Lusher-No; my wife had hung out
of the window the signal, Remember
the Maine!" I did, and went back to
the club to sleep on the billiard table.
Fuddy-Do you think it's possible
for two persons to live on a dollar
day? Duddy-If dollar is as big as it
looks in the eyes of some men, should
say that two persons might live on it
indefinitely and have plenty of room
to walk around in.
The girls are taking a mean advan-
tage of the horrors of war. How SO?
Well, they look SO deuced teary and
pitiful when they hear that fellow is
going to the front that he can't help
engaging himself to them. Pm en-
gagged to seven myself.
Strong minded woman pointing to
an article in paper-Sir, did you write
that? Terror yves, mad
am. II wrote it. Strong minded
woman-It meets my approval exact
ly. 1t is seldom one meets my APP
proval exactly. 1t is seldom one
meets person of your sex capable of
marry me, sir?
An unsatisfactory Interview Good
gracious, George, how you look! Wha t
did you say to papa? He didn't give
me chance to say anything? Didn't
you ask him for my hand? I tell you
he didn't give me chance. What did
he do? He just enlisted me in the
company he is getting up, and told
morning.
One Minute is not long, but relief is OBJ
tanned in half that time by the uss of One /
Minute Cough Cure. It prevents consump-
ton and quickly cures colds, Group, bronchi
tbs, pneumonia, la grippe, and all throat and |
lung troubles.
H. c. Pierce, Barton II. D. Webster, Barton
Landing; R. French, Glover; G.. w. Russell,
Ira sburgh.
The judge-So you were getting
money by calling yourself survivor
Of the Maine, eh? The culprit-Well,
amt I? I've been livin' ever since it
happened.
One Minute Cough Cure, cures.