The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1898-10-13
Sforyeffes.


positively made a fine art of meanness.
When travelling, as he often did, he
would keep railway porters busily at
tending the luggage, and then purpose
~ defer the much deserved tip till the
starting of the train made its payment
impossible.
One morning, however, when about
to journey up to London, he executed
this little maneuver once too often on
the same man.
Dear! Dear! | am so sorry. he said,
as the train gave lurch forward. IL
quite forgot to get change"
And | am rale sorry, too, sir, was
the porter's dry retort, 81 quite forgot
about that broom pOrtmantay of yours;
its lying on the platform yet. Tit
Bits.
One of those fresh fellows, who i'm
agines he is whole board of strategy,
and is afflicted with tight hatband, ac-
costed one of the soldiers of the Fifty
second volunteers, says the Sioux City
Journal. 1t was the first time he had
had a chance to talk with soldier, and
for the edifcation of the small crowd
thought he would josh the volunteer.
"Why didn't you fellows go on to the
front 2" he inquired with a sheer.
"Went as far as ORDERS" politely re-
piled the soldier.
"Youse are tin soldiers, regular man.
mas boys; youse couldn't fight Youse
were afraid to 60 to de front. | could
lick whole regiment like youse wild
Soy pistol
The volunteer stood as if at attention
while the rowdy showed his vulgarity
and unpatriotic spirit.
"You were too big coward even to
enlist" replied the soldier with ferver.
.Well, youse was there, why didn't
youse do some fighting; youse were too
big coward to 60 to the front, said the
oully.
"WeII, l will not neglect to go to
your 'front.'" said the soldier, as he be-
gan to peel
But the tough, having carried the
argument to the danger point, disap
peareG.
"He's one er dose heah campaign
mules, suh," explained the colored far
mer to an Atlanta Constitution report
or, zen its got so DIES cant do muffin i'd
Tim. You sees him a-chawin' on dot
fence rail, don't you?"
Eyes,"
'~Well, sub, OATS pie for i'm. He
mos eat up every rail on de place, en-
Wen it come his meal time he don't
stop short er nutten' cept wire fencin'!"
Strange appetite, that"
Eyes sub, you may we'll say that! 1
has knowed him to walk right in the
house en- eat up some er desc bedsteads
on de instalment plan, EN- he'd up de
house itself eff he wuzn't 'fraid de old
logs would give him dyspepsia. You
see wen he been round wild de stump
speakers, in de campaign, dey LET i'm
out in de sun all day, en- never study
bout feedin' er i'm; en- so, whilst dey
wuZ speaker from de stump dat
mule wuz a-chawin, on it. Politics
has been de ruinatiOn of dat mulew
Il suppose you know" said Brown
that Smith is an inveterate joker. He
never seems to be happy unless he is
getting off some of his wretched jokes
upon his friends. He has just passed
through al experience that may sub
due him, if, indeed, it does not break
him intirely of the habit of joking.
'Last month Smith and Jones went
up north on combined hunting and
gishing trip. Smith is crank on fishing
but cares nothing for hunting, while
on the other hand, Jones goes in for
hunting, and fails to see where the fun
comes in from holding fishing rod all
day long.
"Jones' sole ambition on the trip was
30 kill bear. He said so much about
that Smith conceived one of his prac-
tical jokes and proceeded no put it in
to effect. Borrowing an old bears skin
and using few pieces of rotten log, he
managed to shape an object that from
a distance somewhat resembled bear.
Then he casually remarked to Jones
shat while fishing he had noticed some
bear tracks.
"This excited JONES' who Immediate
ly insisted that Smith should point out
the spot. Nothing loath, Smith led the
way to the spot where he had prepared
the dummey, and then gave way to