Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1898-12-28
PLAYED A WAR GAME.
HOW The BIG MAN FLEEcED THE
SUBSTITUTE BROKERS.

| The TRICKY Str Footer Worked His
4 Physical Defect to the Limit md
Reaped Rich Harvest While tie
Opportunity Lasted.
| During the civil war in what was
then pretty village of Michigan and
has since become a city without losing
any Of its beauty lived a strapping six
| footer who looked as hard as nails,
dressed we'll, talked smoothly and was
set up like a soldier. He had no means
of support visible to the naked eye in
the village which he called home. but
he would make occasional trips from
which he returned with plenty of
money and 4 fund of interesting talk
about some section of the north. The
| people thought him a mystery. but he
I was a pleasant one, and curiosity never
went further than to ask ingenious ques-
| lions that were just as ingeniously par
ried. After his harvest was at an end
the mystery explained himself without
reserve, and no one expressed serious
| isapproval Of the way in which his
wits bad won him his money.
sit was q simple case of diamond cut
diamond, he laughed 1--WE been tax
ing fleeces from the fellow that went
out 10 shear. I'm not an Apollo Belvc-
dere, Diomedes or Samson in appear
ance, but / pass in a crowd as fine
specimen of physical development. The
truth is that I'm a whited sepulcher.. 1
was born with defective heart and
would not take three minutes of real
violent exercise for all the money you
could load on a freight train. L take
things easy all along the line, and the
fn
nents.
"When could see the end of what
property was left me, ard it was not far
away, 1 cast about for some light work
to do and concluded to deal with the
substitute brokers. There was no chance
of meeting the required medical exam
nations, so took another tack. When
ever visited a place in my business,
I'd manage incidentally to fall in with
the broker. I'm better than a raw hand
mutual friends as innocent parties in
the play.
when it came in naturally, I'd
chaff the broker about his business and
ask what kind of a soldier I'd make.
He would either jump open IL outhed at
the proposition or chaff back under an
impression that L would never think of
going to war. IN either case it would
usually come to some kind of PROPOSE
ton from the broker. Then the other
fellows would guy me, intimate that I
was buffer and wonder how was to
get out of the thing without a clear
funk.
Here's where my fine work came in.
I'd demand a retainer, and I'd put it
high enough just to mako the broker
think that [ was trying to escape him.
If he would pay me specified sum
down, i would agree 10 appear at the
recruiting office tie next day and offer
my services, but / gave notice that l
assumed no chances. If they would not
have me, the broker must stand tho
loss. The idea of my being rejected al
ways raised laugh and only tended 10
confirm the broker in the belief that
was trying to escape him. When the
doctor turned me down, / went into the
dumps, became nervously timid, aroused
the sympathy of those with whom had
become acquainted and snapped an or
der to the disgruntled broker to keep
clear away from me.
''The best haul made was in Pitts ,
burg. 4 coal baron there who could not |
well enlist and who had not been draft
ed wanted q representative in the army
who would make a name honorable to
that of the principal. He was after
big, handsome, intelligent fellow of .
whom he could be proud and put the I.
whole matter into the hands of a shrewd .
little broker. i managed to meet him
at the Monongahela House, and ! work
ed around to the main subject in the
manner / have describ bed, but / could
see that he was sharp and did not like
to run any chances.
'.While he went to dinner, after
which we were to resume our talk, 1
went out and had a short conference
with huge truckman. When l again
met the broker, that truckman insisted
on bothering us and, after showing a
proper amount of patience, threw him
half way across the Office, and he went
limping out, while all observers grew
wide eyed in their wonder. did not
exert enough strength TO throw a half
grown hoy five feet, but the truckman
knew his business, and was paid $40 for
attending to it.
"That apparently cool courage and
gigantic strength removed all doubt
from the mind of the broker. 1 was the
man he wanted, and he wanted me
badly. stuck out till got 50, 900 as
a retainer, and then was rejected.
felt like giving the money back when
the millionaire came around to condole
with me and tell how disappointed he
was in not having me for substitute,
but didn't. Ii would have been an adj
mission that 1 was not in a legitimate
line of business Detroit Free Press
The Sequel to the Joke.