The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1898-05-01


belligerent than a prize fight. Vaudeville
people who can't win laughs by any other
means, are always sure of applause In
answer to tales of how this country ac-
quilted herself in 1I76 OF the present
Spanish situation, or of the probability
that John l. Sullivan. when in his prime,
could have thrashed Corbett, F1tZslm-
mons. and two or three other noted pu-
gilists combined. Cleveland,s supposed
anxiety for a baby boy had been worked
to death, when some kindly fate provid-
ed the necessary incumbrance, and audi
ences were relieved. But the delight of
rest was not to last long. Soon some
fanatical Spaniard determined that he
owed a debt of hate to this country ana
could imagine no better way of paying
il than by giving mdBologue artists and
parodists a subject fon which TO talk and
sing and the result was the blowing up
of the Maine Since then the only cessa-
ton of Maine jokes has been obtained by
pretending to enjoy those on Mark Han
ma. Most of these latter are simply
remnants that have risen, Phoenix-ike
from the ashes ofthe campaign, but they
afforded aIespite until a comedian in some
Southern city ventured to bring up the
ancent pun on sthe senator's last name,
and tolerant, but nevertheless human.
mob lynched the man. 1t is said that
the coroner's jury sat upon the remains
until they were as fiat as the jest had
been, and then returned verdict of justi-
| fable homicide.
Prior to the explosion no one had ever
given any special thought to the Maine
but finally a number of rural witticisms
were discovered of sufficient age TO be
told with some degree of safety. This
probably began when some foolish enter
tainer remarked that we might fight with
might now, but we couldn't fight with
Maine. Then followed a long line of
puns about the Maine question in the
matter, the boys who sailed the Maine,
and weak Irish imitation regarding "a
deed that was so Maine" The treacher-
Gus Spaniard who did the deed was wise
enough to select a battleship the name
of which rhymed with Spain, and the
result has been some thing like four hum
dred parodies, all on the same subject
and all built with more or less repre-
hensible grammar.
Parodies, by the way, represent about
the last stage of degradation ever reach
ed by modern quip. A joke has stages
OF existence like anything else in vaude-
vile, and the parody is the last of them.
The average witticiSm begins existence in
the magnificent opulence OF a comic
weekly, with it's wealth Of colored pic
lures and neat advertising. Thence it
goes into a private retreat known as the
daily paper, and is stolen by some libret-
list or other and transferred either to an
| original farce or an opera. But in q
luckiess moment the manager of this
combination gives n professional matinee,
the vaudeville performer attends the OBJ
sequies and filches the remark for his
monologue Thus, condemned to poverty
and gioom-especially gloom-the unlucky
Joke labors on and goes from bad to
worse. It's most intimate friends hear it
year after year, in one form or another,
until one day, it disappears. But it is not
gone A month elapses and ii turns up
again in the form Of a parody in poorly
written verses couched in anything but
the most elegant of language. Finally it
dies completely, and then there is silence
for time, but even comic writer's must
live and so after bit the jest is given
It's place in the comic weekly again and
begins once more its lahorious tour
When. at last, the joke has made a
name for itself and can no longer be
introduced as debutante some over
bright comedian pulls himself together
takes a glass of something for his usual
stagnation of wit and turns out a Jest
composed on the foundation of the other
These are put in the hands IF Irish or
German acrobatic vaudeVillians who in
teTrupt each other in its telling and ex-
tract all the humor possible-generally
audience
to enjoy. WING Kind Of hair did Moses's
dog have" asks one. The other protests
at the age Of the conundrum and is. of
course, asked to tell ii if he knows so
much about the matter. Dogs hair.
he says triumphantk. NO sir. comes
the reply. Moses $ dog didn't have any
hair at all. He was 4 Chinese dog. the
man who built him was cross-eyed. made
mistake, put on his hide inside out and
he was bald-hapded' all overt Laugh-
teri THE other night / slep in a hotel
room where cat had inhaled the breath
Of three people before me. About mid
night the animal canIe in. sat on my chest
and-what do you Think" Same pre-. ests.
same demand and same compliance The
eat died NO such thing Next morn
ing / found six little! kittens in my hat"
daughter and applause
Jokes are divided into classes and built
from themes just as farce comedies are
In centuries-not since the days Of Ho-
mer-the subjects have not altered in the
least. Many an apparently new story is
now on the market which. If told in the
catacombs would probably drive some
dried-up old mummy 10 rise from his
burying place and call that's old" The
mother-in-law joke. the hurrying hus-
band joke, the Jew story. the Irish bull
Indian humor. sarcastic remarks TO street
n.
the-boy -up-an-a pple-tree Joke the tramD
joke. the Summer girl couplet. scarce
g-man-at-th e-beach fables the long
winded- barber smile winner boarding
house irony, stories of the suburban resi-
dent, bright things about how these
women do love one another the
poverty stricken actor sorry, bicycle girl
repartee. low-necked- dress puns and n
hundred and one other themes and sub
jects have been used until one grows des-
perate at the very mention of their
names.
OF course most of these are manipulate
ed and changed in some degree before
making their second or third appear
ances. but even then they are generally
recognizable. Telling them backward or
the Introduction of new incident or two
makes nothing 'as good as new" and
Jokes suffer as much as anything else
The standard witticism is a long-lived
affair and 1t has a hard time of it. When
death comes ii is generally the result of
old age.
Alan Dale never wrote anything in his
life better than his recently published
account of The Death of the Old Joke
In this the famous critic relates an Incl
dent that occurred, he says, during a min
strel performance in New York The Old
Joke was seated in the green room anx-
iously waiting his cue He had been very
Ill for some time and the strain of the
evening was telling on his nerves. In the
yellow light it could be seen that his face
was white and that his hand shook from
weakness and age. You are not well"
his companions said. You had best not
90 on tonight" But the Old Joke had the
love of life burning in his veins and he
replied, Il must. Whatever happens l
shall fry oDce '
Finally the call boy spoke to him and
he walked falteringly into the wings and