The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-10-16
OUTWITTED THE
MEDICAL MEN.
How a Richmonder Got Through a
Guaranteed District Alive.
PLACARD THAT GAVE WARNING
In Order TO Get Little Sleep He PIN
ned on II is Body the statement That
He Had Swallowed Nitro-Giyc-
crime and Not to Punch Him.

During the yellow Fever epiueini0 '"
,,ew Orleans last year business was prac-
tically at a standstiil and l thousht
would take advantage OF the oppot1uiil'y
To visit my home IN Virginia, out aids,
little knew the trials and tribulations
that beset my path to the pa'ern"'
roOst.' o-,...,
l ate an early supper in New Orleans
and boarded the r. VI. north-0ouha
louisville and Nashville train ana my
troubles commenced.
Rein,, creature Of impulse, l always
manage 10 act the fool In some p', "
MAR and I'm this instance, by not 'ah'"s
along anything 10 eat.
seeing the conductor amble past me
T accosted him and asked where "as
tho first place I could get luncn, nc
told me the car was locked and wou'u re-
main so until we had passed over inc
Alabama line and that =. NJ. the next
evening in Nashville was the hrst place
he would stop for meal
THREATENED AND PRAISED.
am not given 10 oaths, but | must
confess "swore like a trooper ana as
| counted any skipper that ever trod inc
quarter deck: / threatened and PRAYED
| aIternatelv but all OF no avail. When
| told him | would have him discharged
and sue the road he didn't appear TO DE
| at all alarmed: when / prayed the sac
! rllegeous wretch laughed. but how coulu
| I expect my prayers 10 have the desired
effect on a railroad conductor, wneh 'he
Supreme Being never took the least no
| tlce OF any / ever offered.
! when nv ire had cooled down some
| what I decided 10 look at the matte'
| extraordinarily. so I pulled az my pipe
| ,nduleed I'm my usual occupation w
| 6ehtino mosquitoes and chuckled az lh.
sweet revenge I would take out OF note
| proprietor In Nashville.
| BOMBARDMENT BEGINS.
| was reclining on my LUXURIOUS
| 1i,on " soothing my irate passions VIII
the fragrant weed when Hobo
| walked no 10 me and coOily asked me
| nv name. My first impulse was TO tel
| him none OF his business, but thlnklht
probably he had taken me for an I'm
| o1ish lord or an Italian count and know
| ing my character and reputation "ouIC
| be compromised beyond redemption II
| didn't Immediately dispel that halucl
nation from his mind, 1 politely tol'
him.
Then he inquired my home and business
+ to'd him I was "a rolling-stone tina
rsthered no moss" To show what
sbrewd duck" he was and what a com
prehensive REORGANIZATION he put III
| through his questions extended IRON
| NV pedleree down To the number OF shoe
| 7 wore and. OF course. not knowing on
VIVA, the size OF my feet had had some
| thing 90 do with my susceptibility 70 IA
disease. I answered all OF his questions
Now II wasn't one or two. but tirml
believe every able-bodied man In Missis
siDpi was detailed as an Inspector on ina
train. Every time the cars would stop
new one would get on and about IN
time YOU were sleeping comfortably one d
the aforesaid varmints would give yo
a dig I'm the ribs 90 awaken YOU. As m
ribs are very near the surface TINS prae
tIce became unbearahle.
T,ven 81 man can trace his lineae
h,ck 70 the crusaders q REPETITION ot IN
Same story becomes monotomous. so
beam 10 rack that place where m
brains ought 10 be" 10 devise a schem
for cutwitting the said annoying indi
| v.duals. ..
4 HAPPY THOUGHT
At length a happy thought struck m'
cot out a piece OK paper, wrote some
thing on #. pinned It On my coat an
! Law down 10 take a nap with ore eN
omen. 1 didn't have to wait long, YER
| soon an inspector came along wakin
Z every one and going through the
stereotyped set OF questions.
When he got TO my seat. ne leane
oyer me. read what was on the pap,
and moved on as though he was afral
OF tho echo OF his footsteps. As 3
passed out Of the door, l raised up
my seat. gave my fellow passenger
p triumphant smile and made the follow
ling laconlc observation never touch'
d mo"
4 number OF them crowded around n
and wanted 10 find out how the inspe
tor happened 10 pass me by.
showed them the papers and this
% what was on Il:
AS nothing else was obfainable.
have Just swallowed for lunch. a pour
, ana q half OF nitro-glycerine; medic
. inspectors dig me in the ribs al me
peril"
Is useless 70 add ny Journey was col
= tinued without being further molested'
u VI. G.. II.