The times., 1898-06-26

will give him lone third of the sum for
getting the job
These disciples of Esculapius are mur-
derers of the Queens English. They are
ahead of Artemus Ward, Petroleum V.
Nosby or Josh Billings in their palmiest
days. Let me give you two curiosities
in this respect that have reached the War
Department. Here they are in all their
virgin beauty of vernacular and in ali
their wealth of Websterian spelling:
Il Write 10 you, as | have been study
ing for several years so that l might be
able 10 meet the demand for the cure of
different diseases. AT last l have made
success per viding l can get the Write.
Now l will make mention of the Different
Kinds of Diseases L have beeen able to
cure. first is piles, reumatsm, female
complaint, scroffalo, pneu monia, Dropsy.
endijeston, Chilis and fever, And, ms
linement by rubbing it on the outward
surface, any parts of the body joints it
will remove any pain people tells me
who have beeen using il say thay never
have saw its equal it will remove the
greatest pains in the body or joints in
five or ten minuts people who had pains
in their head for years | have removed
them intirely. And the great disseas
WHARF have been so hard consumption
colds and coughfs, diarhear guarnahear,
these the diseases that I would be
pleased to be to pleased to be permitted
TO Doctor on hopeing TO receive an i'm
mediate anseer, Respectfully"
Il Received a note From your Secretary
Noticing my Letter & when | Saw Ad-
miral Sicard Recommending the Navy to be
Vacinated as A Guard Against Small PoX
l Remember In my Practice of Being call
ed to See A Patient Burning up Apparent
ly with Fever & Pulse 120 l was not Aware
that the Patient had been Exposed to the
Small Pox 1 Fixed A Dose of my Fever
medicine Ordered to Drink Freely For
hours 81 then Ordered Some of my Blood
Purifier this was o Clock In the Even
ing And would Call In the morning And
you would have Been Astonished the Body
& Face Red as Scarlet Fever About gone
the Patient Got well. And without A
Scar. the Fevers that they talk About &
the Small Pox Cases Do not Amount to
But Little with this medicine OF nine A
man Can Cary A Small bundle in his
! knapsack & II Feverish the herb Can Be
/ Drank In Cold water but If Steepd &
| Drank hot 1t Produses Ame5iate Per-
! spiration Can Break An ordinary Fever
| In "A hours Sure in IS & 1t is Sure to
Leave No Bad Effect the Small Pox Is
/ No more than measles measles Is Danger
! ous If you Do Not Drive them out
| l Really Wish that our Army might have
| these Remedies then with that Lineament
! Can have Asiatic Cholera or Diarrehe or
| Bloody Flux or tootnache or Rheuma tism
| or Cholera Infantum Yours Truly
! p S.--If the men were yacinedd II might
/ Leave them Sore & Disabled to Do Duty.
| 1t is needless to say that these two dis
| tinguished doctors" could make a for
| tune out OF their pens in case their
| preparations" failed.
| Some of the bottles sent for inspection
and intended for use in camp, are marked
! "fenau complaints and "woom trub-
| bles,' as if in blissful anticipation of Mrs.
Charlotte Smiths proposed regiment of
women.
judging by the stack Of letters re
ceived from all over the country 1t would
seem that every other man has gone into
the medical profession. The curious thing
about il all is that so many people who
are denSely ignorant have the Impudence
TO prescribe for the Ills that affiict man
kind They have an abiding faith in their
concoctons and their assurance is simply
| astounding Some pay several dollars in
| telegraphing the department about their
specifies, while the majority content
themselves with writing letters that
! should be given out as prizes at spelling
bees" Ii is said that old soldiers are
| anything but expert in the three RS;
nevertheless, the palm really belongs 10
these 'pretenders." Tartufe was truth
itself besides many of these tricksters.
! The propositions TO cure yellow fever
come from every cline. One man in the
neighborhood of Berlin asks the modest
sum CD of s250, coo TO cure the disease
With so many people who know how &c
cure yellow fever according TO their OWE
statements Cuba should be an annex ol
the Garden of Eden, and Porto Rico Par
adise itself.
Dogwood concoctions come to the de,
partment by the dozens. and one mar
says that If tn. troops were supplied witt
carbonated water they would go scot
free of all feveTs.
People who have lived in the unsalu
brious districts of South America senC
remedies, and travellers who have rough
ed it, in South Africa and the sea island:
forward specifics, so that the Army anC
Navy headquarters have now a respecta
BILE apothecary shop filled with strange
substances than were contained in tbs
witches cauldron in Hamlet"
FRANCIS LEON CHRISMAN.