Evening star., 1898-04-30
AT A COUNCIL OF WAR

y
another Lumber schooner
Mr.. Eatenup Gn growing aside to neigh
eor)-Listen to that gibbering idiot. (Aloud)
Sir. can you read? Doesn't that paper
plainly say that the prize is liner. and
Miss odearmeI (pacifcally) - Goodness
| gracious, have those dear, brave men cap
tured another boat? How nice! Wouldn t
1 love 10 be passenger OH one of the boat;
captured just forthe-
Mr Earlysoured-You would. hey? Think
II would be romantic, and all that, l sup
pose! Wei, 1t wouldn't, 1 tell You
tnen. iney stow all the women captured
Gown In the coal bunkers and feed 'em on
Eothlng but salt horse, and, like as not,
| they make 'em walk the plank later on
MISS odearme with frightened little
scream)-Why, the outrageous things! How
would they dare
Mr. Eatemup-They'd dare. all right-dare
any Old thing. That's what we've got a
navy for. Our men want to fight. but
they re not allowed to- If I had my way
MOTTO Castle by noon-no, stree, there
"ouidn I! Blow 'em up, say T. Hammer
EN- up! BIN 1t to 'em! Let 'em have 1t
on the solar plexus. .Slither 'em! Male It
SO Diasted warm for 'em that
Mr.. Obegood (deprecatingly)-My dear
SIR you surprise me! Your sentiments.
SIT, do very much more credit to your heart
tnan TO your head. We are a humane ma
tio!l. my dear sir and
MT Eatemup-Humane nothing, We're
70 peter than our neighbors. 1t 'ud be a
Iatti1ns good thing for us If we weren't
duite dun SO humane. What do YOU want us to
mere walk on us? Not much! 1 say,
SOCK 1t to EN-, and the quicker the better!
oont leave anything: of en- and
M MI heavyweight 9ponderously)-All in
Innv str
me fact is patent that the administra ton
Is quite aware of what it is about and If
i. Is the administrations view of the mat
ter that peaceful blockade will better
why eo''i'' ;
MI. neverything-Peaceful blockade,
y MY Ioea Is to starye EN- out, 1 suppose?
Well. amt that just what WeyIer was do
ing with the Cubans and what we had the
pis KICK coming about? Dye mean to saw
that thls government wants to take a leaf
oul Weyler,s book, and scatter a lot o
non-combatant soldiers and sailors around.
SOS to hem the enemy in and have 'em die
on from starvation? What kind O. war
laIe q ye call that? Never heard of such
aup play in my life! Dye
MISS AbnegatioG-Of course 1T would he
shame if any of our men got killed. but
II they re not going to fight what will be
lne good of nurses? And Ike been just
crMIy Ny, TO nave pa let me go as a nurse!
MISS Enamelphiz uitteringly, aside to
helghDor)-She go as nurse! Te he, Dear
me! Why. she doesn't do a single. blessed
.hing the liveiong day but sit up in her
,toH rec ana read yellow-backed novels-and
the way she screamed the other night
When she saw a mouse-just to get SYM
pathy from the men, you know and to
Impress EN- that she's such high-strung
niue tning. Nurse-oh my! (Aoud) Are
you really anxious to go as a nurse, NV
dear? Z. N' my
MISS Abnegation (crushingly): Well. I do
mope mat We got more patriotism than
hat how !,
about on bikes with the Spanish colors
dangling from the handle bars,
All the MEN (soius): Wow! What a shot.
MISS Enatnelphdz (amiably addressing all
Eahds): Isn't our na tional ignorance of the
nags OF other countries unfortunate? 1t
leaas one INTO so many errors. But, then,
cent you think ostentaticus patriotism is
awfully bad taste? l saw girl Yesterday
with a whole American flag for a hatband,
end Sc -
Miss Abnegation aside to neighbor): She
means me. / just hope the men will sit
down on her,
Mr. Eatemup: Who was the girl? I'd like
to meet that girl, I'd marry her tomorrow
morning. ifoste'd have me! She's a warm
card all right! Wouldn't mind it if she'd
go to the altar with me, wrapped in a half
acre American flag, like Columbia. Suit
| me first rate. Down with the dagoes. I
say! They We bean dead n'uns anyhow for
the past four hundredsyears or so. What
right have they GOT
The Landlady: Mr.. Lightweight will YOU
take piece of the mackerel?
Mr.; Lightweight: Yes m, if it isn't Span
iSh-he he-haw haw-te he
Mrs. Deadlysnooth aside to neighborl:
That's the one hundredth time that silly
thing has worked that joke over. (Aloudo
Mr Lightweight, are you thinking of en-
listing? ~'
Mr.. Lightweight (quoting: .He also
serves who simply waits, ,'-er-fs that right
Mr.. Eatemup (savagely. aside to neigh
hor,; Pulp head! Alou0 1 say. Light
weight, why don't you go as a chaplain?
Mr.. Lightweight: Because want to as a
soldier fa!l-he, he-haw, haw-
Mr.. heavyweight: Levity in connection
with so terrible thing as seems to me
scarcely permissible Yet perceive a tend
ency to make light Of
Mr. Agineverything: Might as well get
some fun out of it. That's all we'll get.
Mr.. Eatemup: That's what! Reminds me
of comic opera thesway the things being
run.
Mr.. Nocinch: WeH. does anybody know
that it's dead, certain we can lick the
Mr.. Obegood: No, sir no one knows that.
And t would be national humiliation If
we were to take the initiative and commit
depredations such as hot-headed people
recommend. and then get Soundly pun
meed for our pains.
MIR. Eatemup aside to neighbors): Die
ever hear such a jay that in your life
Why the dickens don't he ask for his nass-
Who's a-going to pummel US? What are
they a-going to rummel us with? When
are they a-going to begin pummelins us?
What are We a-Soing to be doing all this
time?
The Landlady: Mora coffee, gentlemen?
Mr.. Neverthink: Speaking of coffee,
oughtnt coffee to be cheaper if we swipe
the Philippine Islands?
Mr.. Earlysoured aside to neighbour
We'd get eleven-cent coffee on this table
If they grew it on vacant lots in Washing
ton. (Aloud) What do we want with the
Philippines, anyhow
Mr.. Eatemup-Want anything we can
get. Got as much right to grab as the rest
of 'em. Philippines 'ud make a good win
ter resort-no freezes down there. Want
'em anyhow, even if we have to sink 'em in
the after get 'em! Want everything
in sight! Want everything that's loose!
Want Spain. Want Europe! Going to lay,
'enl--wow!-rip 'em in two-sell 'em for
junk-give 'em to our kids to play with
Miss Observation-Disclosures me- 1 lust
wish some one would tell me where those
Philopena Islands are.
Mr.. Knowitall-They're a couple o. hum
dred miles from the Sandwich Islands. Miss
Featherhead-out in the Pacific you know.
Chorus of men-NOt much, they amt,
(Ten-minute argument among the men as
to where bouts of Philippine Islands. which
are severally located anywhere from tha