Owingsville outlook. [volume] (Owingsville, Ky.) 1879-192?, 1898-08-18
DOOley i'm Doubt.
lchicago IOurnal.l

Y not more thin two months since v
larned whether they were island
or canned goods. Ye'er backyar,
is so small that ye'er COW can
. turn r-round without buttin' th
woodshed off tn premises, an v
wudden't go out to tn stockyard
= without takin' out policy on ye'e
life. Suppose ye was standin' a
| tn corner iv State sthreet an Ar
chy r-road, wud ye know what cal
to take to get to tn Philippians? L
yer son Packy was to ask ye wher,
tn Philippians is cud We give hin
amy good idea whether they was
In Roosia or JUS wist iv III
thracks?"
"Mebbe | cudden't," said Mr.
Hennessy, haughtily, "but I'm fl
takin' thin in annyhow."
$50 might | be-" said Mr.. Dool-
ey, "if | cud on'y get me mind on
1t. Wan iv tn worst things about
this here war is tn way it's maxim
puzzles FIR our poor, tired heads.
Whin | wint into it / thought all
I'd have to do was to set up here
behind tn bar with a good tin cint
see gar in me teeth an toss dinny-
mite bombs into tn hated city of
Havana. But look at me now. Tn
war is still goin' on, an livery night
whin In cOuntin' up tn cash I'm
askin' mesilf will annex Cuba or
lave it to the Cubians? Will | take
Porter Ricky, or put it by? An
what shud | do with tn Philip
peens2 Oh, what shud | do with
thimI | can't annex thin because
don't know where they ARE. |
can't let go iv thin, because some
one else'll take thin if | do. They
are eight thousan' " thin islands,
with a population iv wan hundred
millyon naked savages, an me
bedrooms crowded now with me
an tn bed. How can | take thin
in an how on earth am l goin' to
cover tn nakedness iv thin saw
ages with me wan shoot of clothes?
An yit 'twould break me heart to
think iv givin' people niver see or
heerd tell iv back To other people |
don't know. An if l don't take
thin SchwartZmeister down tn
street, that has half me thrade al
ready, will grab thin, sure.
ut amt that I'm afraid rot
doin' tn fright thing in IT, ~na
lIinnissy. Some mornin' L
up an know jus what to uv, ar
that I'll do. But It's III annoyanc.
iv tn manetime. I've been re-read-
in about the country. It's over
beyant ye'er left shoulder whin
ye'er facin' east. JUS throw ye'er
thumb back an We have it as ac'rate
as amy man in town. 'Tis further
thin Boohlgarya an not so far as
Blewchoochoo. It's near Chiny an
it's not so near, an if man was
to bore well through firm Goshen,
Indiany. he might sthrike it, an
thin ag'in he might not. It's a pow
erty sthricken country, full in
goold an precious sthones, where
TIL people can pick dinner off tn
threes an ARE starvin' because
they have no stepladders. TIL in
habitants is mostly naggurs an
Chinymen, peaceful, ipdusthrus an
law abldin', but savage an blood
thirsty in their methods. They
wear no clothes except what they
have on, an each woman has five
husbands an each man has five
wives. The r-rest goes into tn
discard, TIL same as here. TIL is
lands has been owned by Spain
since befure tn fire, an she's
threted them so well they're now up
in arms again her except major
ity iv thin which is thruly loyal.
TIL natives seldom fight, but whin
they get mad at wan another they
r-run-a- muck. Whin a man r-runs-
a-muck sometimes they hang him
an sometimes they discharge him
an hire u new motOrman. TIL
women ARE beautiful, with Ian
guishin' black eyes, an they smoke
see gars, but ARE hurried an in
complete in their dhress. l see a
pitcher iv wan tn other day with
nawthin on her but a basket ~ CO.
coanuts an hoop skirt. They're
no prudes. We import juke. hemp,
cigar wrappers, sugar an fairy
tales firm the Philippians, an ex-
port six-inch shells and the like. Iv
late the Philippians has awaked to
tn fact that they're behind tn
times, an has received much Amer
lean am 'minItion in their midst.
They say the Spanyards is all tore
up about it.
II rarned all this firm the pa-a-
pers, an know it's straight. An
yet, Hinnissy. l dinnow what to do
about tn Ph'lippeens. An I'm all
alone en- tn wurruld. Iv'rybody
else has made up his mind. Ye ask
! amy con-ducthor on Ar-rchy
r-road an he'll tell We. Ye can find
but firm the pa-apers, an if ye
really want to know, all ye have to
do is to ask a prominent citizen
who can NOW all tn lawn he owns
with safety razor. But l don't
"IIang on to thim," said Mr..
! Hennessy, stoutly. What we've got
we must hold"
"Well," said Mr.. Dooley, "if l
Twas Mack I'd Fave it to George.
pPd say: George I'd say, If ye'er
FIR hangin' on. hang on it is. III We
4 say Pave go, | dhrop thim.' Twas
George won thin with tn shells,
an tn questions up to him."
"A $4,000 fire at Mt. Vernon
destroyed the stores of j. j. WILL
iams and N. j. Miller. the postOiIice.