The times., 1898-10-30
THE PASSING SHOW.

THE PASSING SHOW.
There is something very odd In the
habit people have of getting strange and
utterly unfounded ideas into their heads
and then making no effort to dislodge
them. Having once decided a matter
superficially, the average man or woman
becomes a stanch partisan of his or
her opinion and rarely brings the thus
acquired tenets up to the argument of
anyone in the world. So 1t is that many
minds still harbor an impression that
some skill is necessary to being dra-
matte critic, and, while this mistaken bit
of wisdom is of ancient origin, 1t has
long since gone out of use. To be sure.
there are still some few humans who do
not know that all that is necessary to
the formation of a theatrical review are
a typewriter and a program of the per-
formance! but then there are also some
monOmaniacs who imagine that they can
not write plays. compose poetry act
leading parts and sing in grand opera
whenever they choose. Now and again
one even meets a being who can see
the dictionary without noticing half
dozen words that either Mr.. Webster or
Mr.. Johnson might have spelled to bet
ter advantage
The use of a newspaper is to spread in
formation-of a more or less biased or
der-and so this article is printed for
the benefit of those few who are stupid
BY them. 1t is to be hoped that the les
| son thus conveyed viii not be without
effect and that its beneftees Will at
once join the ranks of those who are
sufficiently sensible to hold their own
ideas ''unspotted before the world"
More than ordinary skill or wit is not
necessary to a dramatic author Such
gentleman is generally the most medi-
| ocre person in the world-not even wear
ing his hair long or affecting eyeglasses.
Once upon 4 time he probably studied
law or medicine or worked in a printers
Office. but the fatal fascination of seeing
his matter In type attracted his atten-
| tion and he Joined the vast army of the
| emp,oyed. Then he discovered that rsper-
torial labor was not conducive to bank
accounts and that the delights OF the
business were unalloyed, and tried to
back out BY this time. however. his real
profession had been lost and so he became
a reviewer
The first step necessary to achieving
this honor is to establish a den and
cover its walls with photographs of stage
folk, with little original verse on the
side. Next must be cultivated a liking
Tor coffee and sandwiches and finally a
| play must be written. There never was
but one dramatic editor or advance agent
who had not written play. and he is
! now dead. and with the angels Having
accomplished this much the extracting
man has become full-hedged critic and
| may sit down and wonder why people
| DO not write for his autograph
Above all things the new man must
| keep up appearances. Nothing is more
fatal to theatrical ambition than lack of
| copied originality and common eccen-
| tricity. The last-named characteristic
| should be fostered with great care and
| grown to extreme size. The late conner
must always carry cane and should
never neglect to hang it on his arm
| every time opportunity offers. He must
| invariably wear evening dress at the
| office and business attire at the theater
| supplementing these with a bored look
| of small caliber. Should the critic feel
| tempted to enjoy anything he must at
| once take a dose of oil or prod himself
with darning needle-the appearance of
| being pleased never fails to undermine
| a reviewers influence This process would
| be greatly iuvigorated should he by any
| chance forget himself sufficiently to ap-
| plaud. Sometimes innocents who have
unconsciously done such a thing have
| had the presence of mind to hold their
| hands on a level with their eyes and
have so saved themselves. A dramatic
| author invariably arrives late at the play
| and leaves early, taking care to take long
strides on his way down and up the cen
ter aisle. In going out he must seem
| both worried and hurried In order to
| give the impression that six other editors
two stenographers, seven printers devils
and force of typesetters are waiting for
his advent at the office.
One thing which the critic should never
forget is quitting his chair between acts
| The effectiveness of this proceeding is
| greatly increased if his seat happens to
be in the middle of a row. Once in the
| lobby he should converse about the piece
at the top of his voice, getting his rivals
to tell him what they do, in order that
he may know what they do not, think. A
| great deal may be added to the picture
! presented IL the snow manager nap
| pens to be wearing dress uit and dia-
monds the size of crab apples. The re.
viewers chief opportunity is in converse.
tion. When he asks for seats at the box
office window his principal time for vocal
exercise comes in. He should always cal
the house treasurer either Doctor oil
General" and may ask few private de-
tails about the mans family and the
business of the week.
Some care must be taken In the forms
of language used on ordinary occasions
A papers Theatrical editor" should
speak continually in epigrams and para
doxes with a careful regard for puns
All men, ambitious in this line, must
read Oscar Wilde and Town Topics-espe-
cially the latter. if only to obtain a nee
essary air of degeneracy. Cynicism alst
has a good effect-particularly on wom-
en-. The dramatic writer should take
care to sprinkle his conversation with a
/ judicious application of the words "clev.
err and enjoyable" while an easy way
of calling celebrated actors by their first
names is desirable and may be obtained
by talking with ushers and program boys
Jefferson should be dubbed Joe. Goodwin