The times., 1898-06-05

Government thus far is from a benevolent
old gentleman of Pennsylvania. II is
nothing more nor less than a recipe-there
are sixteen pages OF it-for preparing all
kinds of food for soldiers sans teeth, who
have only their gums TO depend upon and
who must either swallow soup or starve
The benevolent-hearted genius thus ex-
plains the reason for his prescription:
There are great many patriotic people
in the country who would like to shoulder
a gun in the Cuban campaign but who are
prevented from getting into the Army be
cause of their toothless condition. To
these the Pennsylvania holds out the
medicine of hope. His recipe will liquify
all solid substances in a jiffy, so that no
mastication is necessary. Hence false
teeth are among the non-essentials, so far
as his prepared etibles" are concerned.
To boil down the directions" you have
only TO press the button ION your vest?)
to have the food enter your mouth and
your stomach does the rest
In the War Department the same story
is told. One bright genius has put up
specially prepared packages of paris
green and wants Secretary Alger to re-
quire every soldier to carry one in his
knapsack. The idea is that all the bugs
of Cuba will thus be kept at bay-as if
the troops were tomato plants. Some of
the patent medicine men have evolved
yellow pills" which are warranted a
sure cure for yellow fever Indeed, they
will bleach the sickness and suffering out
of any fever and ague attack, so the in
ventor says. Then there are patent
splints for setting broken limbs, which
almost dispense with a doctor, and litters
on wheels. This last invention is the work
of a well-known artist-Mr. Remington
1t is nothing more or less than the or
dinary bicycle wheel, carrying the frame
work for a cot, upon which the wounded
is placed and pushed to the hospital. I
could mention folding pavilions'' for the
army that are like cages for monkeys,
with wire netting around them, and which
double up like a folding bed collapsible
crates, curious chairs, hammocks that
would better suit lovers at the seaside
than soldiers, and light clothing that a
society belle would covet
Then the undertakers and embalmers
are very much in evidence. They have
schemes for taking the dead soldiers off
! the battlefield. and seek permission to fol-
low the troops much as suffers used to do.
| A page alone could be written on this
! subject. Perhaps in the near future in
| stead of burying the dead in bitches the
! day after the battle we shall be able to
bring their bodies home to their friends
and relatives for decent interment, in
! stead of consigning them to graves OF
unknown dead
Another curious invention offered the
| Government is an apparatus for peering
! into the depths of the ocean. Prof. Trow-
| bridge, of Harvard University, claims
! that he can now make the x-rays pene-
trate bones and tendons. and that he car
/ tell how many safety pins a woman
wears. With the new apparatus Offered
| the Government. we shall be able to woo
the Shiny bottom of the deep, search fol
| dead mems skulls, and discover the Sc.
| cret of old Neptune. 1t will thus be pos
| sible to hunt for cables, and keep a SHARP
| lookout for submerged mines and torpe
| does. The invention is called an aqua
scope" If things keep up in this way
| one of these days we shall have an ap
paratus penetrating to the antipodes, ant
be able to see the festive Chinamar
curling his queue and Lii Hung Chans
wearing his yellow jacket and peacock
| feather in PelSin.
/ FRANCIS LEON CHRISMAN.