St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1898-07-23
HOW TO RUN THE WAR.
His Views and IL Not Slow to
Express Them.

"Yessuh," said the talkative barber,
"dere's big fier open to dat Admirable
Dewey, sho's you bon. He's the idol Nv
de 'Merican people right now, an ]
specs he'll come nigh bein' Duh mex
president, if Sampson or Slay. what yop
cali it, sub? Sly? Yessuh, Sly, if dey
don't get anudder great victry fob
dey don wifi dem Spanyurds.
Seems like to me, dough, dat /
wouldn' wanter be president. You jes'
git all mannuh NV fun made Nv you in
de papahs, an you jes' havter keep
quiet an take it all in. But if dat man
Dewey would come back now an go all
over de country wild magic lantern
pichers, he would make money to burn,
an he could tell all about how he de-
stroyed dat feet. Yessuh, show like
dat would draw like dull razzuh.
II wuz er talkineto ouh paster, sub,
an he said dat jes one speech by dat
admirable would pay off de debt NV Eb-
ony chapel, an we'd have ernuff lef
oveh to pay de pastuh fur year. But
don't guess he expec's to lectuh, sub,
when he gifts back, case he'll have his
hans full goin' ter receptions and sich.
He's a great man. fer fac, dat's whut
he is.
ut mus keep de president wurryin'
now wifi all desc hyeh ships and cruisers
and torpedo boats on he's min. bet
you I wouldn' be a settin' up all night
a wurryin' about dem Cape Verdy fleets.
No, sub. I'd jes SEN some moh NV dem
ships NV ourn oveh dar an blow 'em
out NV de waters, dat's what I'd do. An
rs fer de Philippines, I'd sholy keep
'em aftuh 1 got froo de wah. Dis coun-
try nevah did have sich chance at
islan's in all its bohn days, and dey bet
ter git plenty while dey's gittin' 'em.
Dem islan's wuth good money, dey say.
"Whut's dat dey's sayin', boss, about
de governmen' goin' ter give every
colohd man a sugar plantation down in
Cuby after we git hold Of 1t? Dat
wouldn' be bad idea, sub, but den I
kinder guess dat Walnut streets good
ernuff fer me. No, sub, I dom want NO
yaller fever in mine, but feller dun
tell me dat de black foxes dom get de
fevuh. How is dat? But good sugar
farm amt a bad thing ter have. I Iguess.
an If dey's goin' ter give 'em away
dere's lots of black trash dat ought ter
go down an git er farm, for dey hain't
no use in dis country, anyway.
"Say, dat ole Blanco, he's good fight
er oveh de TELEGRAPH cable. amt he?
Oh, he can git up in de mornin' an sink
de Oregon an raise q blockade fore
breakfast and den he goes back and
sits in de shade an eats bananas. But il
de exchange eveh cuts him of frum
ole Sagasty he's a gone gosling, fuh
shuah. for dat man caynt do any good
'cept he's got a cable ter TELEGRAPH over.
Den he gifts in his work. l dun 'spect
dey jes keep him on de pay roll ter jolly
up all dat crowd over In Maydrid and
Caydis. Den In de evenin' he sens
'em anudder despatch dat tells 'em he's
dun captured a few moh battleships,
an dat news dey git fuh de mornin'
papahs. You say dey's cut dat cable :?
Well, dat ems de wah. shuah. II dat
ole geezer cayn't send 'em dispatches
about all de 'Mericans whut he's killed
an all de battleships whut he's caught
he'll go srazy.
bay rum, yessuh. You orter let dat
boy at de mex chaih shave you, sub,
some time il you want to heah whut
he'd dun if he wuz Mckinley. He'd
had de wah ovah foh dis an every body
would bin gwine ter de baseball games
fer de recreashun, 'stidder talkin' about
wah. But foh me, sab. jes' let de pres.
ident run de wah ter suit hisself. He
gifts big money fuh doin' de wuk, an
I'm not gwine ter interfere. ."-Cincin-
natl Commercial Tribune.