davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14
HUMOROUS.

Smith--It is the unexpected that
always happens. Horrigan -Yis; un-
less we are lookin' for it.
Quizzer--Is he so very intelligent?
Guyer-Yes, indeed. They refused
to let him serve on II jury.
"Do you own your own house.
Tweedles?" "No; we've had the
same cook for seven years"
Uncle George-So you really think
you love the girl? Harry-Love her?
Why, / actually ENJOY her mothers
company.
Tommy Paw, how did lead get its
name? Mr.. Figg They tried to make
nails of it, but found that it could not
be driven.
The wind across my chimney
Wakes no depth OF Joy In me;
For know that its wild singing
Makes my coal bills bigger be.
''No; ] never carry my business
into my home" "What is your busi-
ness?" 81 am the proprietor of an
intelligence office.
Hc--Idon't believe You can tell who
is to be my wife. She (blushiugly)--
You haven't asked me yet" And
what is more lie didn't.
81 hear that you have got job at
last, Billy" 81 have secured posi-
tion, Jim. 'How much ay do you
get day?' My salary is ST. per
diem"
"The Chuzzletops beat the world in
economy" "What do they dor
"When Cbuazletop has cold he
doesn't get his prescription filled until
his wife gets cold, too.
"Mr. Yabsley, may ask why you
always dip your kuiie in your glass of
water before cutting your steak?' "it
is little trick I learned from fellow
who worked in rubber factory"
wherlmen aro fnst, but In wit they are slow,
Although | emit say they're sedate.
A tack in the road is n joke, you know,
But they don't see the point till too late.
81 would die thousand deaths for
you," said the villain in his most
silken tones. 81 fear me much, "said
the heroine, whose angels love was
SioNiHb 'olu, thbt thO piSNc VIII hot
run that long"
81 say" said Fuddles, who some
times thinks he is smart, ''what sort
of fruit can you raise ON an electric
plant?" But Paddles, who also thinks
he is smart occasionally, promptly re-
piled, Currents.
Two ministerial candidates named
Adam and Low recently preached in a
Scottish church. Mr.. Low preached d
in the morning, and took for his text,
"Adam, where art thou?" lie made
most excellent discourse, and the
congregation was much edited. In
the evening Mr.. Adam preached, and
took for his text, ''Lo here am"
A recent advertisement contains the
following; "If the gentleman whc
keeps the shoe-store with red head
will return the umbrella of young
lady with whalebone ribs and an iron
handle to the slate-roofed grocer's
shop, he will hear of something to his
advantage, as the same is the gift o
n deceased mother now no more Will
the name engraved upon it,"
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14
THE HEROES OF TO-DAY.


~ m
oak
yraceis 8 ead,
line and not W men.
of
the ean breeze
dfomCu
truprs seas,
Wet taught
whom theft s won, o
OF alo DONE.
ha eiwnhs rdardsh and of fherOc
ud ulysr in Youths sComra
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14
To Cure A Cold In One Day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets All

The fact that bicycles are taxed I'm
France makes II easy to collect statis-
tics as TO cycling In that country. The
returns for 1897 show that there were
then 40S.S69 wheels In France as COM
Iared with 100000 In 1894. The income
derived from the bicycle tax in 1897
amounted to about $4,000
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

A Philadelphia paper in its story OF
the Jubilee crowd said it was nip and
tuck between the pickpockets and the
police" VI would be interesting to
learn which finally got the most.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Dentists In Germany are using
teeth made of paper instead of porc
lain or mineral composition. The!
paper teeth are said to be very sati
factory, as they do not break or chin
are not sensitive to heat or cold, or n
the action of the moisture Of the mout.i
and are very cheap.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14
Non-conlnItsaI.

Alderman's Wife--I see that the
members OF the Spanish Cortes don't
get any salary Mt all. wonder how
they live.
Alderman Maria, never divulge
professional secrets. especially to
women. Chicago News.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

The entcrprising young fellow
whose means of livelihood is the
marrying of widows with money is in
the wrong state and lives in the wrong
time. He should have lived in Utah
four years ago. Then his peculiarly
would not have excited comment.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Professor Schwab, of Yale, says that
the learned professions absorb So per
cent of the college graduates nova
days, whereas they formerly absorbed
80 per cent. On the other hand. busi-
ness pursuits now take 81 per cent
against per cent in the old days.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14
Rcnuty Il nlocd neep.

Clean blood means a clean skin. No
beauty without il. Cascarets, Candy Cathar.
tic cleon your blood and keep il clean, by
stirring up the lazy live liver and % driving all i'm.
Danish pimples, boils, blotches, blackheads.
and that sickly bilious complexion by taking
Cascarets,--beauty for ten cents. All drug.
sists, satisfaction guaranteed, l0c, 25c, SOC.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Mr.. Joe Letter ia said to have taken
to literature. II he can bulge the
poetry market in the same way that
he did the wheat market he will be
regarded rs benefactor by q very
numerous constituency.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Dewey is said to be coming home.
1t will be such homecoming as no
American ever had. For his own
comfort we advise that he be put un-
der strong guard in Fort Warren,
where his family and friends might
visit him with passes signed by him.
.alf
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

1t is estimated that Australia raises
about 125,000,0 sheep per year, and
last year exported to England wool to
the value of $l23, 900 900.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

J. r. Edwards. of Denton, Tex. has
received an order from japan for $50
bales of cotton. This will be the first
direct shipment of cotton from Denton
County
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Adventures have thus far spent
$50, 900, 900 in going to and from the
Klondike, and have brought back
se,O0O,00O. But, then, think of the
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Fits permanently cured. No nts or nervous-
ness after frat days use of DR.. Klinc's drcat
Nerve Restorcr se trial bottle and treatise
Tree. DrR.1iKLrNE. Ltd. .e3l Arch st. Phila, Ia
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Lieutenant Won Schellendorf, Ger
man colonist in Africa, believes that
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

That Havana lottery will evacuste
with the Spaniards. Uncle Sam will
protect the Crbans against them
selves
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

The Dexter (Me.) Penobscot Woolen
Company's plant Is running till p.
NJ, and can't produce enough cloth to
fill orders.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

DR.. Seth Arnold's Cough Biller best rnedi-
cine cine ever tried for Colds. T.. e.. HAMMoND,
- tolden ST.. Newburgh, N. Y, Nov, 20, isE,
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Educate Your bowels with Cascareta.
Candy Cathartic, cure constipation forever
i0c. 25c. II c. G. G. foil, druggists refund money
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1898-12-14

Then use HoxsIe's' Disks FOR every
form Of cough. cold, hoarseness or sore
throat. They clear and beautify the
voice. 25 cts,
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19
A Petition Is Forwarded to the Board of Free
 holders.
Engineers Request That Reasonable Salary Be AL
 lowed Them.
Officers Desire Their Pay Fixed in Conformity With the Last
 Charter.

At the next regular meeting Of the Board of Freehclders, to be held in the Mills building next Tuesday evening. q letter from the engineers of the San Francisco fire department and another from the officers of the same depart ment requesting an increase in salary will be brought before the board for consideration
 The communication from the engl- neers Is a request that reasonable salary be allowed them in the new charter now being formulated, claim ing as a right to this consideration that they are on duty at all times and work twenty four hours a day.
 The letter, which is as yet in the possession of it's authors, in substance is as follows:
 We. the undersigned engineers of the San Francisco Fire Department most re- speetfully ask your honorable poard 10 allow us reasonable salary in the char ter now being prepared by you, ana, Tn doing so, we desire to respectfully SUD- init that we are continuaIIy on auly at all times and wor-- tWenty-four hours @ day: that engineers who work put nine or ten hours per day receive compensa- tion of at least 8; that we are all prac- tical machiniStS and engineers, ana, De fore securing the positions we now noid in said department, it was necessary to undergo several examinations as to our qualifications and fitness
 We therefore respectfully ana ear nestIv ask that you consider the lore going facts and allow us fair and just compensation for the arduous serVices we are to perform in said department
 The officers of the department have framed similar petition, which will ha presented with that drawn up by the engineers at the meeting Tuesday evening. It requests the board to al- low the respective salaries Of officers nrovided by the last charter, and in conformity with Chapter 2, Article XIII It reads as follows:
 We the underslened officers of the Fire Department of the city and county re- spectfuIly petition your honorable board tp fix and allow our respective salaries, es provided in the last charter and by chapter IT. article XIII, thereof, and in support of this petition, we respectfully sThmit for your consideration that our nresent salaries were fixed by an act of inc Legislature twenty years ago, and that our duties here in said department have since correspondingly increased with the growth of the city, the department and the number of fires.
 Much interest is manifested In these petitions, as they are the first of the kind demanded upon the stipulations of inc charter. Whether firemen are en- titled to additional remuneration for valiant industrious and conscientious work is a question the board will de- eide at the coming meeting.
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19

demands to a certain extent, and beyond that they are at liberty to use tnelr own judgment as to how they sha.: conduct their office and the money which lney shall demand for their services. l be- lieve in an inspector or sealer whose duty 1t would be to inspect and investigate scales, weights, etc, for the good and in the interests of the people, but he should be employed by the Government and re- munerated for his services by the Gov ernment. and not by the fees that he may collect at will and as often as he de sires to make an inspection.
 In a city as large as San Francisco 1t would be impossible TOT one man to sus- work which a thorough inspection or this kind would demand, and in consequence 1t would necessitate the appointment of 3. be desirable if the system could be oper- ated on a just basis and in a way that both the people and the merchants would derive a sort of protection from the frauds and unscrupulous practice of the filling of weights, which characterize the business methods of many of our re- tailers As the law reads now I am em- phatically opposed to it and will do my best to prevent its adoption in his city.
 JACOB GOLD45ERG. PRESIDENT AND GENERAL MANAGER OF THE COL can sum the affair up in no better way than to characterize 1t as a base municipal fraud. To talk and discuss such a proposition as possible benefac- ton on such an absurd basis would be to reflect upon the intelligence of an or dinary man. It is absolutely beyond my comprehension how a man has a right to come into my establishment at any time and in fact when he pleases and make a thorough investigation of my scales, measures. etc. and then compel me to rernunerate him with an exorbitant fee. Such conduct IS approaching dangerous ly near that of blackmailing. I have nu- merous scales measures and other ap- purtenances for measuring and calcu- lating the exact valuation of my goods; and fhe tax that I would be compelled to submit to by the payment of a spe- cial and separate fee for the inspection of each scale would amount to a pro- dfgious sum- If this is the law 1t Is the most peculiarly constructed law I have ever heard Of. 1 believe in an inspector, but one that will be paid by the Govern ment and amenable to 1t for the strict performance of his duties. An inspector under the present law would be at lib- erty to call at my establishment at any time and carry on whatever inveSuga- tion he mig-4t see fit; but I think that 1t would not only be an injustice to me but reflection on the laws of the city for him to attempt a wholesale and un- Warrantable extortion from me for such work. I neither solicited 1t nor approved of if and therefore l should not be com pelled to pay for it. I think that the law. as Secretary of State Brown main- tains. is fnoperative and as such should be stricken from the legislative enact ments of '91 My opinion is that the law is an outrage that should not be toler- ated
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19

The above is the substance of the first article published by the Monitor. Now follow some clippings, taken from the same paper two years afterward, and there is not the slightest shadow of doubt, in view of this testimony, that MT. Petch's cure Is permanent. Here follows the account:
 On being again questioned. Mir Fetch said: "You see those hands-the skin is now natural and elastic. Once they were hard and without sensation. You could pierce them with a pin and I would not feel 1t, and what is true of my hands is true of the rest of my body. Perhaps you have observed that I have now even ceased to use a cane, anu ca:I get about my business perfectly well. You may say there is absolutely no doubt as to my cure being permanent. Indeed l am in
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19

peared, and have just now published an- other article about it in which the, orig inal reports are completely verified, the fac-simile of the check given by the Ca nadian Mutual Life Association for S1650, amount of total disability claim paid by them to MT. Fetch.
 The first account stated that the patient (see address below) had been a paralytic for five years; that there was such a to- tai lack of feeling in his limbs and body that a pin run full length could not be felt; that he could not walk or help him. self at all; for two years he was not dressed; furthermore that he was bloated, was for that reason almost recognizable, and could not get his clothes on. The paralysis was so complete as to affect the face and prevented him from opening
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19
INDIGNANT PROPERTY OWNERS
The Proposed Bush Street Boulevard Does Not Meet With General
 Approval Along the Line.

The proposed boulevarding of Bush street does not meet with the approval of the majority of the property owners along the line of that thoroughfare. l Those who have entered a protest against this scheme are at a loss to &C., count for the determination of the Su- pervisors to force the issue against such an overwhelming majority of the prop erty owners who have not only entered strong protest but who have appeared in person both before the Street Commit tee and the full board and there maoe their objections as strong and forcble as it was possible to do. The typographical surroundings of the street with its west ern end leading into a graveyard. with no outlet, and for that matter with no beginning, were explained as fully and as forcibly as it was possible to be set forth.
 A strong protest enanating from the owners of 14 900 lineal feet has been filed with the Supervisors against the boule- ward scheme, and a petition from only 400O lineaI feet from those who condition ally favor it has been received. The ob- jections were backed up by the personal appearance of a delegation of several hundred property owners who went to the committee rooms an.. urged the absurdity of a municipality putting itself on record in declaring a closed street a "bouIe- ward, with it's terminus leading into a cemetery.
 The question has been asked by the pIOpcIlS OWHSIS NlS IL lo lIldl llIc Ou- pervisors are so determined in passing an ordinance declaring the street a ooule- ward in the face Of the opposition of majority of those whose interests are jeopardiZed by the act. Some motive, it is asserted, must be behind this move other than the public good.
 But the end is not yet. At the next meeting of the Street Committee on next Thursday a strong delegation will be pres ent to again try to induce the committee to report adversely on the boulevard scheme.
 It is claimed by the oldest residents on the street that for the past twenty years Bush street has been neglected in most shameful manner; the old '49 cobblestone pavement has been permitted to remain as originally put down in pioneer days, while outside districts have been 1m- proved and modern pavements put down Now when those who own thousands of dollars worth of real estate on the street are brought face to face with a boule- yard, which they declare means to de- stroy the value of their property, they cannot understand it. Consequently they are indignant and ready to fight the is- sue. They say the boulevard scheme will virtually destroy the prospects of the street for anything for all time to come.
 The hideous ghost car that acted as a hoodoo over the thoroughfare for years was bad enough, but this is, they con- sider 'worse and more of 1t"
 They say: ''We are bad enough, but do not make us any worse by mockfngly calling a street a boulevard that has no beginning and worse end, that of lead ing into a graveyard, whence there IS no earthly deDartilre. "
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19
MADE SICK BY
 SEWER VAPORS Health Office Investigat- ing a Most Serious
 Nuisance.
The Mail Dock Employees Live in Almost Constant
 Danger.
The Brannan Street Sewer Dis charges on the Mud at
 Low Tide.

Health Officer O'Brien is endeavoring to fix the responsibility for a serious nuisance that threatens an epidemic of sickness in the vicinity of the Mail dock and has already caused the illness of a number of employees of the Pacific Mail steamship Company whose duties cause them to remain on watch at the dock.
 The Brannan-street sewer, which drains a large area south of Market street. empties into the bay almost directly be- meath the dock. and this outlet for the clty's filth is the cause of all the trouble several complaints were recently re- cefved at the Health Office that the odors rom the sewer were causing residents in the vicinity great inconvenience, and Chief Plumbing Inspector Sullivan was instructed to investigate
 He found that at low tide the sewer which is wooden affair without cover ing at the mouth, empties its contents on the mud flats, where they are exposed and throw off their poisonous gases m til the rising water again comes to the rescue of those who are unfortunate enough to have to live or labor in the locality.
 He also found that several clerks of ths steamship company were at home sick suffering from disorders that would indi, cate that they had their origin in the vapors of the sewer He rendered a re- port to the Health Officer yesterdav stating that it was imperative that the sewer be continued to deep water at once, and that unless something is done immediately an epidemic of some conta- g1ouS disease is not improbable
 Dr. 'Brien is not certain whether the work belongs to the Harbor Commission CTS, on whose domain the sewage emn- ties, or whether the Board of Supervisors must take care of the improvement He will address the latter body on the sub ject and endeavor to ascertain how the danger can be obViated
 The situation is rendered doubly bad by the fact that the Brannan-street sewer receives the refuse of number of hos pftals where patients suffering from con- tagious diseases are treated
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19
CHAMPIONS ON THE COURTS.
The Eastern Handball Experts Play
 Close Matches.

The Eastern handball players. Casey and Dunne, are still drawing card at Ryan's court on Howard street. Yester- day Dunne coupled with Bonnet. Casey with Nealon, and they had it out for five games.
 The playing was pretty close during the first four games With the score two to all, Casey and Nealon suddenly de- veloped burst of speed and won the match in easy fashion. Casey and Nea- lon took the first game after some fast work, in which the Fasteners displayed their superior cleyerness. The score was 21-1S. The next two games were won by Dunne and Bonnet, 21-17, 21-15. Try as they would to end the match in the next game, Dunne and Bonnet discovered that they toiled In vain. The fourth game went to the credit of Casey and Nealon tying the score in games. Then came the last game, in which Nealon and Casey walked right away from their opponents. Dunne and Bonnet scored but seven times in this game
 The feature of the play was the spIen- did volleying of the Fasteners. Again and again they caught the ball on the fly in the short court play, placing it at the same time. The local men put up d rattling game, particularly in back court play.
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19
A Total Disability Claim of $l65O Paid to a
 Man Who Was AfterWard Cured.

his mouth sufficiently wide to take solid food The doctors called the disease spinal sclerosis, and all said he could not live.
 For three years he fingered in this con- dition Then by some friends he was ad- vised to take Dr. Williams Pink Pills for Pale People He took them and there was slight change. The first thing This showed there was some life left in his helpless body. Next came a little feel ing in his limbs. This extended, followed by prickling sensations, until at last the and vigorously through his body and the helplessness gave way to returning strength, the ability to walk returned and he was restored to his old time health.
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19

The Monitor. a newspaper published at Meaford Ont, Canada, first discovered this case two years ago, and published it at length, which now seems, owing to the cure of 1t. to be a miracle. The facts were so remarkable that many people doubted the truth of them. They said:
 Tt Is too remarkable; 1t cannot possibly be true; the paper is mistaken, and the man, although he may think himself cured, will soon relapse into his former condition" etc, etc. The accuracy of its report called in question, the Monitor de- termined to find out definitely whether the facts were as stated and whether the man would really stay cured. They ac- cordingly kept a close watch on the case for two years after the first article ap-
The San Francisco call., 1898-03-19
COLLECTED TN
 THE CORRIDORS.

R. c. Terry. yineyardist of Clayton, is at the Lick.
 R. J. Henry of Milpitas is guest at the Occidental.
 George Wilcox of Chicago Is staying at the Occidental.
 F. J. Hammer of Los Angeles Is stay ing at the California.
 c. R. Scott of Portland. Or, IS regis tered at the Occidental.
 W. Stokes Kirk of Philadelphia IS one of the late arrivals at the Palace.
 Dr. w ". Borland, a well known Chi cago physician, is at the Baldwin.
 H. S. Hanson has come to the city from San Mateo and is at the Occidental.
 Carl E. Lindsey, District Attorney of Santa Cruz. is guest at the Grand.
 A. w. Du Bois of New York is at the California. accompanied by his wife.
 H. F. Barber, deputy sheriff of Stock ton. arrived at the Grand last night.
 John B. Reed editor of the Montana Inter- Mountain. is a guest at the Palace.
 State Senator Thomas Flint is regis tered at the Palace from his home in San Juan.