The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-12-07
DooIey on Expansion.

From the Chicago Journal.
WELL" said Mr.. Dooley. we've got
EN-"
Again. said Mr.. Hennessy. with a
faint attempt at a joke.
"Niver mind" said Mr.. Dooley. We've
got tn Philippians. TIL s~panyards with
dhrew TO tn anti-room an says wan:
Let's get through Says another: i say
so. too. III l ct another dinner I'D bust.
What do they wantg' TIL Ph'ippeens.'
VIII they take thimT Well thry an
see.' An they come out an says the
chairman, Senyor Monte Rice. he says:
ooh. crool an avaricious foe he says.
~'wretched vampires he says. that wud
suck tn las dhrop Nv blood firm tn
fallen form Nv poor Spain he says. We
have no other recoorse.' he says. We
must surrinder to ye.' he says. 'th'
brightest flower in tn diadem Nv lovely
but busted Hispynolio.' he says. 'th'
Peril Nv the Pass-ihc is yours he says.
Take it, he says. 'onless.' he says. 'ye're
such monsthers iv croolty that ye'd ray
fuse he says. An we've got tn Philip
poems. Hinnissy; we've got thin tn way
Casey got the bulldog-be tn teeth.
"What're We goin' to do with thin.
says we? That shows. Hinnissy. ye're a
mugwump. A mugwump's a man that al
ways wants TO know what's goin' to hap
pen mex, an hopes IL won't. What dye
think we're goin' to do with thin?
Stirring thin an wear thin FIR beads?
Hinnissy. IL all tn people In this coun-
thry was like tn likes Nv We, they'd be
only enough iv ye to hold a rayform
meetin' an ye'd be Twin in a balloon on
tn coast Nv Maine. ye-ye dam'd Pilgrim
father, ye!"
81 have a cousin that lives in Lynn"
said Mr.. Hennessy.
"wha din does 1t make to you
an me what we do with tn Philippians.
anyhow" Mr.. Dooley went on. not
needing the interruption. Tn here an
tn Philippians are there, an there's too
much wather between us to make frinds.
But / know whatll happen. Twill be
what has happened in this very town
nanny n time. They'se a sthretch Nv prai-
RTE just outside tn city limits an no
body iv our kind wants to live there be-
cause it's too quite. But bimeby some
people moves firm Ohio an builds a
house or two an tn alderman firm this
ward moves FIR to annix IL TO tn city.
An ivry OIL lady says: Haven't we
growed enough? What's tn use Nv takin'
In more territory? Isn't our governmint
bad enough as 1t lisp An thin tn good
Iris, people moves in an conquers tn
savidge inhabitants an tn mex we know
that prairie blossomin' like a rose gar
den an has become a dimmycratic
stronghold. That's expansion.
r throuble with you. Hinnissy. IL we
think you an Congressman Noonan can
set down in tn back room with a piece
of chalk an an oil slate an figure out
what's goin' to happen. but we can't. We
can't figure II about ye'ersilf. an how can
We figure il about the ~Ph'lippeens, that
we niver see? AS Hogan an Mckinley
both says: TIL nations I'm tn hands Nv
tn Lord. anil give him what assistance
Il can spare firm its other ~jooties.' Tn
first thing to be lone is to appint a
sthrong ARMY iv officials that we can't
find anything FIR in this country. Tn
ccmltyman tot me yesterdah that they
was three hundherd applications fr tn
bridge whin Dorsey that was there be-
fure. passed over to tn other shore an
got tn job in tn planin' mill. An ye
think they'se no wan fit to control a
population iv naygurs. ! tell We. amy
man that's sthrong enough TO even think
he can get "a job tur-rnin' a bridge IN
,--- country has force enough to b'
king iv TN ~Ph'lippeens in wan year? It's
SO. Well. some iv these la-ads II be kilt
an somell come home an hin wan day
a la-ad that's been bumped agin in tn
sthreet CARL sthretch himsilf an say
Glory be. but this is a small country
afther ALL an he'll sail away an h'
won't have any job to eat of an he'll
nave 20 make "a Twin he ltckin' tn poor
benighted haythens that We've got Il
lift up. an others like him III go alonE
afther him. an whin tn d~immycrati'
convention meets Aguinaldo OBrien an
Perforated Don Carlos Cassidy II be con
tistin' which II cast tn vote iv tn i'm
peryal state Nv "Ph'llppeens fr Wilium J
Bryan, tn boy orator iv tn Plate.
That's what'H happen. Hinnissy. TT
not tn la-ads tn governmint II sind out
but tn la-ads that go out on their owl
hook. an have TO -ght to eat. BE hivins
Hinnissy. they'll be great doins dow
there whin wan Nv thin opprised an tor
tured people that fr hundherds Nv year
have been undher tn i'm heel Nv tn ~
rant gets gay with a la-ad that's r-run
Bohemyan prim'ry in this coun1ry
Twill be tn foolish German man tina
escaped firm Jail be Jumpin' firm IN
roof onto a picket fence. Were a gr-rea
civilizin' agent. Hinnissy. an as Fathe
Kelly SAYS. SOS tn steam roller An
bein' a quite man. I'd rather be behin'
thin in fr-ront whin tn sthreet has I
be improved .
twill cost a power iv money" sal
Mr.. Hennessy. the prudent.
"Exnaud ixpind" said Mr.. DoOley