The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1898-11-07
PETER JOHNSON, FOREIGNER.
Eallacy Of Trusting to the Courage
Of m Imported Citizen.


When he approached Hiram Tarbox OF
Slippery Elm Center, proprietor OF the Red
Front One-Price 6Quare-Dealing Empoc-
UNI. he announced that his name VI,
furriners are pison." was the observation
OF Eli haywood from his place on the
dried apple barrel, but them there Scan
dinavians are the p'isonest- Look at the
way they aboose our language.
The Scandinavian population OF Snp-
perry Elm Center was growing. ana M.
Tarbox was DESTROYS Of their trade. his
own efforts to speak their language had 50
far resulted in three hourishes OF me
arms. one grin and cultural grunt he
had about concluded that even in these
thing. as the people never seemed to un-
derstand. He accordingly hired Peter
Johnson as a clerk in the Red FroAt
lacked asr ss peson He Of ssnt me but
didn't always know. He was tall. broad
shouldered. powerful man. and had been
accustomed to working in the Wisconsin
piner!es and to dealing with oxen, logs.
canned Boston baked beans and other
large and primordial things. He tore on
calico with jerk and a crack which new
er failed to start,e the customer, and the
first time that he made sale Of pound
Of dried apples. instead of raking them out
with the clawed tool provided, he picked
UP the BARREL. about two-thirds fun, and
scoop of the scales. Another of his early
achievements was TO spill kerosene on the
cigars. Those cigars became the dread
Of the village fire department. A sudden
long drawn-out flash of lightning was
the announcement to the citizens that an
other man was seeking solace in Red
Front cigar. 1t got 50 that no one would
buy them except strangers, and finally
the mayor prohibited their sale even In
SUCH cases. Tarbox, 1t was understood:
parade torches. AYE doan smoke me-
SELF was Peters own comment, so may
be ayem no yudge, but aye should fink
eet emprove dem seegara Eet give EN-
good draught-make EN- burn like house
afire.'
Peter was extremely good-natured and
in his way, humorous. He was honest,
too but gave evidence Of capacity TO take
on the less upright ways of more high
iy. developed race. The first time he in
advertently left the faucet Of the molas-
take in supplemented and gaIeless
manner: AYE seen the cat loafing round
dar-aye tank maybe she sweech he's tail
and open the fasset.'
box, but as he certainly attracted the de-
sired Scandinavian custom he was re-
tanned. Naturally. he was constant
source of wrath to Ell haywood, already
prejudiced against furriners and others
who do not speak our beautiful mother
tongue in its purity. Mr.. haywood had
been among the +first to attempt the con-
sumption of the infammatory cigars. HIS
eyebrows were considerably singed and
the coal oil flavor remained In his mouth
for several days. Pleasantly disposed
friends tried TO smooth Mr.. Jaywood's
temper by suggesting that he go into part
nership with Peter and put that sort Of
cigar on the market under the name OF
FL Flor del Lamp Wick but the enraged
citizen consigned cigar. Peter and friends
10 a region where the frst-named certainly
could not have been stored with impunity
In a measure 10 get revenge on Peter for
the cigar and also his constant abuse Of
English. Eli haywood tried on him vari-
Gus jokes of a practical character as hit
ting him on the back of the head with a
depositing carpet tacks in his bed and
other such little delicate attentions
Peters temper remained unru!Yled under
these examples OF Jaywoodian humor
he thought dat Meester haywood bees
one funny man."
One night after closing his store Tarbox
met Mr.. haywood in the postonice. some
burglares had been committed in the VIII
lage and Tarbox was having Peter sleep
in the store at night as a precautionary
measure. His bed a simple cot. was In
the rear. behind the wheelbarrows and
ready-made clothing. beside a large pile
Of -four in paper sacks and underneath the
stock OF scythes hanging above like
the postoffice, national questions having
been disposed Of Mr.. haywood said.
See year, Tarbox. wot You got that
there jigcass.noozled swede sleeping in yer
II reckoned burglars might get snoop-
ing round" answered Tarbox
Mr.. haywood groaned so deeply that the
windows ratified. An do YOU Tow he
would do any good IL they d.d?"
Hes big enough-he ought to put up
good fight" returned Tarbox.
big enough-bootstrap and chicken
ira cks! SO Is bale OF hay big enough!
DID YOU ever know furrincr that could
fight?"
Tarbox rapidly ran over all the persons
OF this description that he had ever known
or read Of in history and then admitted
that he didn't.
Mr.. haywood. IF you'll give me leave
III jus; 30 up there IN bout an hour and
let on I'm a burglar and show YOU that
he cant light and that he's a miserable
coward
Tarbox said he was agreeable ard at
the end Of the time they went I'D to the
store. the pOstmaSter ard several others