The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-09-19
THE "JARvEY" AT HOME.
He Has a Clever Tongue and Does
Not Spare 1t.
From the London Telegraph.

nc ID Stylsu IN ms udllNS iale-SHJOSS q
wide celebrity as a comical fellow. Some
times his humor is absolutely unconscious.
He says the quaiutest things imaginable
without the slightest striving after ef1ecI
or the least intention Of being funny. But
oftenest he is consciously droh. He pos
sesses a rich fund OF natural wit and hui
NOR, a readiness IN good-humored retort,
and mellifuous brogue, which make him
an excellent travelling companion on
long drive.
good example of the often audacious
humOr of the jarveys is found in the fol-
lowing authentic anecdote: A few years
ago there was waiter in one of the ho-
tells in Dublin who was so ill that it was
with difficulty he was able to go about.
He always made it a point to stand at the
door to see the visitors off. CONNER
cial traveller remarked to the carman who
drove him from the hotel: THAT poor
waiter looks very ILL., I'm afraid he won't
last long" Last long" exclaimed the
iarVey. Sure, he's dead these two
months, only he's too lazy to close his
eyes" A proprietor of a hotel, overhear-
Ing car driver in Cork asking an eXor-
bitant fare of an unsuspecting foreigner,
eXpostulated with him on his exaggeration
of the tariff, concluding with the reproof,
Il wonder you haven't more regard for
the truth. Och, indeed, thin, We a CRATE
deal more regard for the truth than TO be
draggin' her out on every palthrey occa-
SION" was the reply The sarcasm of
their rhetoric is, a rule, deprived of its
sting by the quaint manner in which 1t
is employed. A very stout Dublin citizen,
whose trade was that of a furrier, once
offered q jarvey, at the end of journey,
the modest sum of sixpence. rs that all
you're givin me?" said the car-driver, in
dignantly. yes" replied the furrier;
that's your legal fare, and it's all you'll
get from me, so take it and go" The
jarvey, seeing it was hopeless to extract
any more money from the furrier, and
determined to have it out of him some-
how, concentrated all the scOrn and con-
tempt he could into his voice and facial
expression, and exclaimed: "Arrah, go
lang out o that, We ould boa-constructor"
The two-fold allusion in this retort so
tickled the subject of 1t that he never let
slip an opportunity of repeating 1t.
A visitor to ireland, who engaged a car
at the North Wall, Dublin, promised the
driver shilling pence more than his
fare If he succeeded in catching a certain
train at Kingsbridge This the driver fail
ed do, but he claimed the extra half
crown, Notwithstanding Sure, it's no
fault of me or me haste that We missed
the train, yer homer" he quantity argued;
ITS all OWN to to the lateness of the boat,
and would yer homer be so hard as to
punish me for that?'
The ways in which the drivers convey
hints to fares are also often very laugha-
BILE. A long car full of passengers was
toiling up one of the steep hills in the
county of Wicklow. The driver leaped
down from his seat in the front and walk
ed by the side of the horse. The poor
4ke l.
the passengers were too eagerly engaged in
conversation to notice how slowly the car
progressed. Presently the driver opened the
door at the rear of the car, and loudly
slammed it to again. The 'insides" were
somewhat startled at first, and then
thought the driver was only assuring him
self that the door was securely closed.
For the second time the man repeated the
same action; he opened the door and slam
med il to again with a louder bang. One
of the travellers inquired why he did that.
whist" he whispered, "spake low, or
she'll overhear u.s." who's she?" asked
the astonished passenger, who began to
think the driver must be mad. THE mare,
to be sure" he replied, I'm disavin' the
crature. Every time she hears the door
slammin' that way she thinks one of yez
is gettin' down to walk up the hill, and
that rises her spirits" The ''insides"
took the hint.
The Dublin iarvey is said TO have one
unamiable quality. It is a fault which he
shares with his class in all countries. He
is rarely satisfied with what you give him,
no matter how many times 1t may exceed
the lawful fare. There is a good story cur
rent in Dublin in illustration of this side
of the car drivers character. An Amer
lean in Dublin on being told of this cir
cumstance by friend offered to make
bet that he would give driver such fee
that he would not ask for more. THAT
is impossible" said the Dublin man. TN
take the bet" They engaged a car the first
they met, and drove a distance of about
two miles. How much do l owe you?"
inquired the American, at the end of the
Journey Sure yer homer can give me
whatever yez like" said the jarvey. But
l would rather you would name your
charge" Indeed, an I won't, yer homer.
It's not for me to say what a fine gintle-
man like you will give me-" Thus put to
the test, the American handed him over a
half-sovereign for ride that should have
cost couple of shillings at the most. The
driver looked at the coin, and then at the
gentleman, as If doubling the evidence of
his senses at this unexpected munificence,
but soon recovering from his surprise, he
put his hand 10 his hat, and said heartily,
Il thank yer homer" You have lost
your bet said the American to his friend
as they walked away. But before they had
gone lar the uTlNeT, leaving his morse ana
vehicle to take care of themselves, was by
their side. Well, what do you want
now?" said the American, angrily. Hang
it! man, you've got your fare" 80 l
have" said the driver, with an insinuating
smile; 'an' it's yourself that's the rale
liberal gintleman but, as l don't like to
change the gould, l thought that maybe
yer homer has got a spare sixpenee In yer
pocket" The subject of the fare has given
rise to much of the humor associated with
the Irish jarvey. Just now there ia a good
story going the round of the Dublin dinner
tables A military officer, who passed
through the Tirah campaign, was recently
on a visit to the Irish metropolis. He
engaged a car to drive him from the Rich
mond barracks to the Kildare Street Club
and on arrival at his destination presented
the driver with shilling. Pat fixed his
eye attentively on the coin, and ejacu-
lated, vciously: "Wisha, bad luck to the
Afradays" "Why?" asked the officer
Because, thin, they've killed all the
gintlemen that fought again EN-" The
ID 49, h.