The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-01-18
FLASHES OF FUN.

81 can't see why you object TO young
softly. I'm sure he Is constant"
Worse than that. He is perpetual"
She-Did you see anything in New
York that reminded you OF Philadel-
ohiaf He-Yes; the messenger boys
exchange.
Author have dialect story want
% sell you. Editor-In what dialect Is
I? Author don't know. Edltor-Tn
lake it.-Truth.
Daughter-Whatw Will do. papa, out
there in the country without a riding
aabit: Her papa-Get into the habit OF
walking. my dear.-Up to Date.
Ethel-Maud has been trying to learn
low to ride bicycle for four weeks
now. POnelope-Is her instructor stu
Did? Ethel-No- hansome.-Judge.
Parson-There is no victory, young
nian, like the victory over self. Scorch-
er-Yes, l know. broke my ten-mile
,ecord Observation-Disclosures Enquirer.
The bashful one-Why do you girls
always kiss each other when you meet1
She-Because we wish TO do unto each
other rs we would that others should
do unto us.-Life.
rs your sisters husband coming
down over Sunday?' mo; It's too far"
TOO far! Why, the charm of this place
Is it's accessibility" Yes; but my sister
is widow."-Puck.
Father (at breakfasO-How did young
Snodgrass like my turning off the gas
Mt 8 o'clock last night? Daughter (sur-
prised)-Why, papa-I-he-we didn't
know that you did.-Puck.
Economical and wealthy father-Do
you know, my son, what strict economy
would do for you? Robert know
what II has done for me, father, and
respect You for it.-Harlem Life.
Mrs. Peck-If had my life to go over
again, l wouldn't marry the best man
alive. Mr.. III. Peck (his chance, at last
You bet you wouldn't. wouldn't ask
you to.-Philadelphla North American.
He-Isn't 1t disagreeable feature OF
golf, losing the ball so often? She
Oh, no; that's the only way George and
| could get out of hearing of the cad
die for an Instant Yonkers Statesman.
Il ain't goin' out on tandem with
dat Susie Mellon girl again, no, sab"
"Whaffer?" "I<ase when her toes Amt
collidn' with the handle bah, her heels
is plowln cutters in de groundr-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
THAT actor doesn't seem at home In
his work" said the man who makes
comments. NO replied the theatrical
manager, Eloomlly. "he Isn't But he
Will be unless business gets better pref.
~ soon."-Washngton Star
Gladys-Papa's going to give us q
check at the wedding instead of pres.
ent, Tom. Tom-All right; We'll have
the ceremony ut high noon instead of at
o'clock. Gladys-Why, what for,
deart TOm-Banks close at 3.-Detroit
Free Press.
Major Bluegrass - When Governor
Jones said to Governor Smith that Il
was "a long time between drinks" Jest
how long do yo' suppose he meant, subj
Major Pcpper-There is really no tellin'
of that. suh-any time Is long time,
when it is between drinks, suh.-Puck.
Old gentleman Tin omnibus, to young
man who has not vacated his seat to &C.
commodate lady, severely)-When !
was young, sir, | would have got UP
and given the lady my seat. Young
man-Then, sir, l am sorry to see that
you have lost your politeness with your
youth.-To-Day.
Sherlock Holmes (at burlesQue show
That little man over there in the box
Is professor Of mathematics. DIR. Gu.
bebs-IIe is an acquaintance of yours!
Sherlock Ilolmes-No; never saw him
before In my life DR.. Cubebs-Then
how do you know he is n professional
mathematician? Sherlock Holmes-By
the interest he takes in the figures on
the stage.-Chicago News.