Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1898-08-18
"You're sympathetic and inte1ll-

| IOure SympalHetlc ana 1ntel1l>
gent. You'll understand" Jones re-
piled. "Well, to begin with, I don't
like cold water. 1t may be a heredi-
tary instinct, but the fact remains.
I hate it anywhere, and if there is one
place I hate it in worse than another
it is my bath of morning. | like my
bath at blood heat-always have it SO.
Now I've got to take it cold. bar
| gained for all I was worth about it..
It's my business to bargain, of course,
and did it we'll; but he wouldn't hear
| a word absolutely cold baths are
! what you want he said; and that's
what Pm having. This weather, too!
I go in a normal color, and | come out
purple The rot that's talked to me
about a beautiful warm glow would
! make Job swear if he'd had u circula-
ton like mine. Warm glow indeed!
When I'm dry I present the appear
ance of an Indifferent statue with blue
nails and St. Vitus' dance; and | don't
get warm again till well on in the aft
ernoon. 1t can't be right. And before
I go in 1 have to stri p and do a variety
of absurd things with dumbbells. This
takes about 20 minutes and leaves me
so Frustrated that when l do get into
my bath | scarcely have strength
left to crawl out again. Then, when
I'm partially dressed, I've got to do
lot of other degrading things-jumps
and hops and skips, and silly sort of
performances you mi ght teach dog.
These are designed to harden me.
When it's all over I generally have to
send my wife fer nip of old cognac
before l can shave. Look at my chin
to-day. My hand trembles so that I
can hardly hold the razor. It's cruel,
if you ask me. I'm not so young as
was, and by the time I've finished and
dressed and put on my boots and said
my prayers, you could knock me down
with feather. totter to breakfast,
feeling as if hadn't slept for a week.
I lose my temper with the family, say
things l regret all day afterwards, and
only just begin to steady after all
ample meal. Then comes the medicine.
I needn't weary you with a desert ption
Of that. In fact, no words would con-
vey the faintest hint of the flavor.
What combination of drugs achieves
this frightful result I know not. But
the bouquet, when I draw the cork,
renders my whole family circle I'M
easy: | have to take it three times
day, and life is one long agonized sus-
pense. | am exhausted and ready for
bed before can be said to have really
got up. BY the way, did you see what
'katfirs' did yesterday? It's the work.
house for me and mine if this goes on
| did not see him again for fort
night. and feared the worst. Then he
appeared. the picture Of health.
How goes il % l said.
He had evidently forgotten his Tor,
,mer do!cful tale. -
'Never BETTER" he declared, THANKS
to a chap in Harley street-a perfect
genius, | assure you. The simplicity
of the remedies, too! These special
lists are wonders. Blessed if know
how they do it! I went practically q
dying man, and look at mel" i 4
'What was the elixir?' Iasied.s q
O." old tub and dunn bells." said Jones,
and just some trifiing physic-1uite
agreeable to the taste. I've got abso~
1utcly to like it Do YOU have cold tub
and dumbbells? If not. let me iInplore
you to begin them. They'd make a
man Of you. Such a glow! Such ain APP
petite! Nothing like it,, By She way,
did YOU see that terrific Jump in KAT
frs" Congratulate me. person.
ally"
Here he became contide ntial.- e. P,
in Black and White.