The evening times., 1898-05-10
HOW WIVES
LOVE HUSBANDS
She Conceals Indifference; He
: Does Not.
Too MaHY Glvlsr aaarry when They
1lssaakenly Thiak They
- I. ,ss. AlefIn Lsse.s

- lssss,es--, 80 --a..-sssr@-
The literary wozd has been so busy
telling wives tqst@Rw..they may keep
the love of thei le4t,l bands that the men
1 who wish to kni f1h1w to keep the love
of their wives hifS been sadly neglected.
says writer in/the Chicago Post. 1t is
a fact. somewhat overlooked. that there
wives do not love them as. there are
wives whose husbands affections have
gone astray. That this fact is not more
freely commented upon is not strange
| whenSone considers how much more wom-
en- care for appearances than men do.
and how much more loyal they are TO
DUTY. When a man ceases to love his
wife he seldom THINKS of concealing the
fact; a woman makes concealment a re-
hsious duty. believing herself to be to
blame. Somehow. because she cannot
force her affections to stay where every
principle of her life tells her they rightly
belong. .eSs
cnloved wives usually suffer more than
| unloved husbands. One reason Is they
| are never blind to the situation But there
are men who suffer, knowing that their
wives no longer love them. and who
| would give much to know how to win
| back the affections they so unwittingiy
| lost. Being a woman fortunate enough
to have the confidence of many other
women, / may be able to help them a lit
| tie.
The young husband makes his first
mistake BY assuming that. because the
| woman he loves has consented 30 stand
with him before the altar. she loves him
and Will continue doing SO as long as life
lasts II is much more likely to be true
that she does not love him at all. al
| though she would be shocked and iudig-
nam II one were to tell her SO. The fact
is. few girls know what love is when they
| marry They are led by a far less wor-
| thy emotion. which, not understanding
they call love.
The wise young husband will remember
this. and. when the little wife declares
she loves him distractedIy. he will quietly
ten himself the chances are she does not
| know what she is talking about and that
| her heart is yet to be won. Nor will he
| deem this Is cause for repining when
| once he has learned to look at 1t in the
| right way. for II really prolongs a delight
| ful period that comes to most of us but
| once and TO none the second time with
| the wild-rose beauty of the first. 1t is
| fortunate for men that women learn SO
easily 10 love their husbands IL they can
| respect them. their affections can usually
be won without difficulty during the early
years of married life The great trouble
| lies In the fact that the private life of
| many men is not of the kind TO inspire
| respect. Few men would respect another
| man could they see him day after day as
his wife sees him. The average hus-
band seems to think that a part of his
| marital rights consists in being able to
act as he pleases in his own home. and
he would feel greatly aggrieved should he
| discover that he had pleased" to do
that which had forfeited his wifes re-
spect. With too many il is she is my
wife: why shouldn't she love and respect
me-" They take too much for granted.
| When a wife has once learned to love
| her husband. he may do a great deal that
| is bad and disagreeable and she will not
turn from him. The difficulty lies in de-
termining il she really loves him. II her
| heart still sleeps. OF if she has loved and
| her love has fled. leaving nothing in its
place but desire to conceal her lack of
| affection. Unless ne can be very sure on
| this point he Will show wisdom by be-
having at home at least as well as he is
compelled to behave when with his busi-
ness acquantances.
The pocketbook question is one of the
most serious difficulties of married life.
There are very few women who ind 1t
pleasant TO ask for money, and the num-
ber will grow smaller rapidly as the
years go by for every year more and more
| girls learn the sweetness OF independence
A girl who has earned her own hvlng.
even for little while. never will be en-
tirely satisfied unless made to feel that
she has as much right as her husband TO
what he brings into the home. He may
| comply with her REQUESTS ever so cheer
fully. but she win not feel quite fairly
treated so long as she is compelled to ask
! him for what she wishes to spend. There
must be common pocketbook- or the
wife must have an allowance. the spehu-
ing of which is never to be questioned
II Is NV belief that. If IL were not for
| the maternal instinct in woman and for
her devotion to duty. there would be many
more divorces than now disgrace our ma
ton. / believe the majority or women
give their husbands an ahection AKIN 10
| that which they feel for their children,
| instead of the love they could give to one
| able to inspire it. They want their hus-
hands to be well and comfortable and
happy because they belong to them
They want the world to believe in all their
protestations of affection because tney
shrink from having it known that either
| side is disappointed. They become used
| to their husbands and would miss them
| il they were absent: they defend them II
need be and worry about them II ailing:
! but they do not love them. And they are
not to blame. They would love II they
could. Many have spent long years IN
trying to do so. and have blamed them
selves numerically because they did not
succeed. There are few who have not
greater longing to be able to love than
they have to be loved, and who do not
suffer equally with their husband when
| they discover that their Feeling for the
| father of their children is not what they
| had thought it when they married him.
Dear young husband, don't be too sure
| that you are in full and everlasting pos
session of your wife's love. Don't ask her
about II. for she will not tell you that she
| does not love you unless the case is very.
very serious Just make a few mental
observations, starting from a negative
point of view. and, should you discover
| that which you had really not expect
ed. don't be in hurry to blame her. Curb
your Indignation and don't be down
hearted. Try to see yourself exactly as
she sees you every day. and then start
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