The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1898-10-04
ON A JAG
Household of Mrs. Stuyvesant
Fish Scandalized at Newport.
Master of the SidebOard Gets
GlOriOusly Full.
JOLLIES THE MAIDS
And Advises That Furniture
Be Reduced to KindIing.
Police Break Down a Door to
Arrest Him.
TOLL1ES THE MAIDS

Newport, Oct. AIRS. Stuyvesant
Fish has in her own right added to the
laurels of her illustrious family for
bravery. Without assistance she has
subdued the fury of her drunken butler
and has forced him, in the chagrin Of
being overcome by a woman, to hide
his diminished head out of town.
This butler-Henry Smithers by name
was the pride of Newport. Like that
splendid creature who terrorized the
gilded autocrat of Charles Dickens
imagination, Mr.. Merdle, to have him
at ones sideboard was in itself a badge
Of utmost responsibility. He adorned
the Fish family mansion and presided
at dinner with a condescension that
no other butler in Newport could hope
TO initiate. He was the one Iordly spirit
below stairs at Crossways, the Fish
country seat. and stood high in the
family esteem.
He was never known to even smell
of liquor before, but on Wednesday af-
ternoOn he appeared in a most disgrace
1ul state of inebriety, and was seeming
ly proud of his condition. He went
from one hOusemaid to another with
this incOmprehensible remark: Now
really, isn't it a beauty?"
From this comparatively harmless in
Qulry he assembled to his mistress, and
gave symptoms of a. willingness to kiss
her. When she screamed he screamed
too, and then burst into a most hideous
laugh. He looked about the drawing
room, and gave it as his opinion that
the house was going to the dogs; that
the furniture was disgrace, and real
ly ought to be split up for kndling
wood.
From theory to practice was a short
stride. He grabbed an expensive up
holstered chair, and, brandishing it as
a weapon, began to smash the costly
bric-a-brac in most vigorous fashion.
Every time mistress or maid screamed,
glance as though he entertained serious
doubts of their sanity.
Mrs. Fish ordered him to leave the
house. and he argued that no such
stances. AS a compromise he went to
his room on the top floor, and prepared
to accept the apologies of the entire
family. if offered in the proper spirit.
A telephone message was sent for the
police. When Smithers heard the Off
GERS coming up the stairs he piled all
the furniture in his room against the
door and entertained the guardians of
the law with comic song.
The officers had to break down the
door and climb over the debris before
they could get at the butler. He offer
ed to explain to them the indignitieS
that had been heaped upon him by the
Fishes, great and small, and seemed
thunderstruck when it was suggested
that he ought to be sent to prison for
the remainder of his natural life.
He thought the matter over in all its
various aspects, and then said: well,
I'll be hanged" Then he burst into
another horse laugh, and threw a kiss
at the policemen. The officers took
him to the outskirts Of the town and
lost him. No effort has been made to
noise the matter abroad, and Henry
Smithers will find his baggage, when
he is pleased to call for it, at the New
port police station, together with two
weeks salary in advance.