The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-08-17
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

Eyes curling iron.
Photographers Ito captain in his new
uniform)-"Lo fierce, please. -
Cincinnati Enquirer.
my Lord, said the foreman of
m Irish jury, when giving in his YER
dict, "we find the man who stole the
mare not guilty"
81 believe he thinks more of her
money than he does of her. ''Yes.
He always had such good taste. -
Detroit Free Press.
Little Mary (sobbing on mamma's
shoulder after scolding by papa)-
Mamma, donr you just wish we had
never married papa"
Grandmamma-"W What are you do
tug iu the pantry, Tommy?" Tom
my-"Oh, Pm Just putting few
things away, gran n'ma!"
"Gooduess l don't see how Mrs.
Pennypurse can stick on so many dia-
monds. Easily enough, They're
paste. Brooklyn Life.
"What did she say?' 'She sad
she'd file my proposal with all the
others and consider it when she got
down to Harper's Bazaar.
"You can always Judge man by
the company he keeps. That's
pretty tough ON the warden of the
peuitentiary. Detroit Free Press.
Hotel Proprietor-"W have an
orchestra to play during meals.
Prospective Guest-'"The favorite air
should be Hail to the Chef -
Puck.
Don't you ever get vacation,
Hopper?" Yes the clerk i'll our
office who makes puns goes away for
two weeks every summer. Chicago
Times Herald.
He-"That vessel out there is hug
ging the shore closely She-"Yes;
and | regret to say that at this mo
ment the situation is unparalleled. y
New York World.
"How is your wife?" "Um, her
head has been troubling her good
deal this year. y Sick headache"
mot exactly She keeps wanting
new hat every four weeks.
papa" said Freddie, "the Span.
iards call us Yankee pigs; why don't
we call them some horrid name?"
"We do" said little Tim. I'VE call
them Spaniards. "-Harper's Bazsr.
Husband-"Do you realize that
your clothes have cost me over $1,000
during the last year," She-''It was
all done because l wanted to look well
before you, dear. Detroit Free
| Press.
Mrs. Caudle-"Wake up, jeremiah
| do believe there's q man in the
ROOM" Caudle eyes, dear; and he's
trying his best to get few winks of
sleep. Good night. New York
| World
"An army nurse has to be at least
twenty-five years old" The brave
girl quailed. ''rhey must think
we're dead anxious to be nurses!" she
exclaimed, much perturbed. Detroit
Journal.
Aged Milionaire-"Andy you refuse
me?" Miss Beauti-"I am sorry, sir,
but cannot be your wife" SIS it
because / am too old?" ''No. Be-
cause you are not older. Now York
Weekly.
Edith-"It requires lots of courage
for Laura 10 go away as an army
nurse" May-"Oh, 1 don't know.
There are few men to be found any
where else. Philadelphia North
American.
"Say, pa, " asked the little son of q
railroad conductor, whats an ex-
cheauer?" "An ex-checkerr ex-
claimed the ticket puncher. "Why,
that must be u retired baggageman. -
Chicago News.
''Do you ride wheel?" she asked.
"Well, / don't know that / would be
exactly justified IN claiming that, he
replied, "but now and then ] have u
wrestling match with one OF them. -
Chicago Evening Post.
"Tve cured my husbands insom
nia. ''How did you do it?'
Pretended / was sick, and the doc
tor left medicine which Henry was TO
give me every half-hour all night
long. Chicago Record.
''Tell me about your graduating
class photograph, Miss Lily. 'Well.
all those homely girls standing up at
the back are the smart ones; all those
pretty girls sitting down in front are
the silly ones. Chicago Record.
''Is there any danger Of the boa
constructor biting me?" asked lady
visitor at the Geological Gardens.
'Not the least, marm, cried the
Snowman. "He never bites, he
swallows his wittles whole. Tit Bits.
'To what do you attribute tine cura-
tive properties Of your springsS"
asked visitor at health resort.
"Well." answered the proprietor,
thoughtfully, 81 guess the advertising
I've done has had something to do
with il. ="
81 see that they have put a sound
ing board at the back Of the minister's
pulpit" said Baron. 'What do you
suppose that's for?' Egbcrt-"Why,
TO throw out the sound. Gracious,
said Baron, ''it you threw out the
sound there wolldn't be anything left
TO the sermon. Boston Traveller