Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1898-08-03
ADESECRATING HUMORIsT

J. Adam Bede, the Pine City
humorist and stump speaker, in
his sarcastic illusions against the
new-fangled notions of imperial.
ism, goes to extremes, and his
sarcasm becomes villifcation and
defamation of the people whose
ideas he wishes to uphold. This
is the way he handles Thomas
Jefferson and George Washing
ton:
George Washington was born in the
colony of Virginia in 1892 and gained
some notoriety as guerilla warrior
in those bushwhacking days. Though
first in many questionable things he
won the heart of widow, and when
the United States were organized he
was chosen president, as everybody
thought the experiment would be a
failure and no one else was wilfing to
be identified with the hair-brained
scheme. circumstances; however, over
which he had no control, made the
venture success and he was forced to
retire at the end of his second term as
the country had outgrown him. In
order to let him down easy the polite
ians of that time induced his clerk to
write farewell address which was
credited to Washington and given to
the world with great eclat. Soon after
that the old man caught cold one night
while picking out a new star for the
flag, and died at Mt. Vernon still
thinking he was deuce Of a fellow.
His remains we're deposited in a vault
at his old home on the Potomac and a
society of ladies are making a fortune
charging an admission fee to see the
biggest chump that ever lived. Every
body is onto him now, the old befrilled
and backnumbered Virginia dude.
*x*
1t is curious that a superficial fellow
like Thomas Jefferson should get such
a hold as he formerly had upon the
American people. To be sure his in
1uence has been sthrown off now, but
what q commentary on our boosted in
telligence that his platitudes should so
long have passed for wisdom.
Tom was something of fellow in his
day, and the glamor of colonial tri-
umphs threw a sort of cheap glory
about him as it lighted the pathway
along the corridors of time. It is true
he wrote the Declaration of Indepen-
dence, but that bombastic document
consists of lot of stock phrases that
has been in use for half q century, and
like a modern prayer has nothing new
but the joints and conjunctions. Then
to think of q slave holder talking
about life, liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness! And he also claimed tn at
all men are created equal, when we
know that Tams Bixby is no more
equal to Dave Clough than Sic semper
tyrannis is to E pluribus unum. Tom
was away of bis base Notwithstanding
he has been perched on a pedestalever
since. - :''' 49,
In his religious views he was also
far astray. He discovered that some
folks made q profession of religion
while others made q trade of it, and so
he contented himself with trying to do
good to his fellow man. For more
than four score years he lived along
these narrow lines, and has been dead
ever since. y. ] =. +, ,..sa:@ 4. =-,.z,,. : -
Not caring for religion himself he
let other people have all they wanted
OF 1T, and was the author OF the Vir-
ginia statute for religious freedom.
He did this, to get the support Of the
church people, and also established
the University of Virginia for sim
liar purpose. He was Is shifty and
unscrupulous politician who used
every expedient to gain popular favor,
and when once In power. run things
] with q high hand 81 His I1llrch asa al