The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-06-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


On opening the front door you find
the hall stairs in your face.
A girl whose dress is perfect
dream" is always awake to the fact.
A carpenter may believe in maxims,
but he doesn't always trust an old
saw.
They don't furnish cats and dogs
with caudal appendages at a retail
store.
Helm not myself tonight"
She-"Then how dare you speak to
me, sir, without an introduction?"-
Chicago News.
She-"Don't you think it is danger.
Gus to eat mushrooms?" He-"Not
a bit of danger in it. The danger is
in eating toadstools."
'What made you so anxious to in.
troduce Highly and Digby?" ''Higby
tells war stories and Digby tells fish
stories. New York Journal.
"Does young Mr.. Slimmins shine in
society?" asked young woman.
"Some," replied Miss Cayenne; "es-
pecially about the coat sleeves"
Seems to me you didn't thump
quite so hard as usual at the concert
last night. Weren't you well?" "Oh,
yes; but it was my own piano, you
see.
-"Nobbins seems to be hold
ing up his head of late" Wicks-
eyes; it probably comes of reading
newspaper bulletins. Boston Tran
script.
Dawdler "Snithers writes poetry
for magazines" Dofton-"Is thai
SO? How many magazines do they
give him for each poem?"-Roxbury
Gazette.
Fiddler-"Yes, Boston has turned
out great many musicians-yours
truly among the number" Quiz
"Well, how can you blame her?"-
Brooklyn Life.
Half the world doesn't know how
the other half lives; but if it could be
convinced that such knowledge was
none of its business, it would try
mighty hard to find out.-Puck.
Lecture lin museuml Yes, Ia
dies and gents, there are freaks and
freaks, but this man stands alone"
Spectator -"If he'll stand loan of
five dollars, I'll divide with you"
"The young woman you are en-
gagged to is very fascinating, l under
stand?" Fascinating? | had to
stand in line seven hours to get to
propose to her. Chicago Record.
An old lady refused the gift of
load of wood from a tree struck by
lightning, through fear that some of
the fluid" might remain in the wood,
and cause disaster to her kitchen stove.
Mendicant Michael -"Shure, ma am
I've got swim small children at home,
all under five." Mrs. Skinner-"Sev-
EN- children Any twins?" Mendi-
cant Michael-"All twins. Tit
First Tramp-"T hear they are
building a new Jail, with all modern
improvements Second Tramp
''That won't do no good. You'll need
a pull to get in there. "-Fliegende
Blaetter.
She-'I am not up in the language
of flowers. What did that bunch Of
jacqueminots mean that you sent me?"
He-''I don't get the translation from
the florist until the end OF the month";"
The Manhattan
Bacon-''Is that man Crimsonbeak
in favor of warp" Egbert-"No, in
deedl Every night he's out late he
takes home oysters or something to
his wife. 1 think he's for peace at any
price "-Yonkers Statesman.
"My son." said the aged politician,
''it is better, especially when you are
talking about the enemies in your own
party, to use only soft and honeyed
words. They are much easier to eat,
should occasion arise. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Sagasta -"Well, Your Majesty, We
have one hope left. The rainy season
is about to begin in Cuba" The
Queen Regent-"A.,, senior, it looks
to me very much as if the reigny sea-
son was about to end there. "--Cleve.
land Leader.
The Sarcastic Parent-"And You
want my daughter for herself alone?"
said the sarcastic old millionaire.
"Y-yes, sir" "Well, my boy, I'll do
better by you than that. I'll throw in
the clothes she wears, too. "-Cleye.
land Plain Dealer.
"Why is it, wonder, mused Sa.
gasta, "that those Americans are such
dead shots?" ''It must bo their prae-
tice at the national game" suggested
Gullon. 'Tve heard considerable
about their putting the ball right over
the plate. - Philadelphia North
American.
"Pa," began little Clarence, after
short season of silence, "a ChinamaD
-" Eyes, my son." broke in Mr..
Callipers hastily; "a Chinaman does
many things which seem to us very
peculiar. Eyes, / know, pa; but
what l was going to ask you was,
isn't it easier for camel TO get
through the eye of needle than for
a Chinaman to get through his need
for mn idol Iudpp