davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
AND THE FLY CAME BACK.
Observations by the Bald-Headed Maj
on the Annual Return of His Summe
TCrmentor.

"My regular summer fly turned up
this morning." said the bald-headed
man, with savage CLEAN in his eye
in both Of them, in fact. when
awoke in bed he was with me. / recog-
nized him at once. He is getting on in
years now, that fly, but l could tell
him a mile off Could tell him from
any other fly in the world by the
malicious leer he always wears on
his face and the sarcastic, contempt
uous way he addresses me. He was
sitting on my forehead when l came
to this morning, heaving billingsgate
at me in the same old way. | made
swipe at him and missed, OF course.
Clumsy as ever, | see,' said ne,
flying around to my left ear and dig
ging his drilling apparatus into the
tender lobe. Same old elephantine
duck, hey?' and he nipped me again
and took chunk out. o. no you
don't he hooted at me as | made an
other lab at him. You couldn't hit a
draw horse with bass fiddle and this
time he got right inside my right ear,
raised the dickens there for fully five
seconds and hoped out again on my
forehead with his fingers at his nose
and his tongue in his cheek. Thought
the frost had killed me off. hey, didn't
you?' says my fly to me, wiping off his
hind legs with his front ones.
Thought, because I'm bit late In
showing up this year, that | was dead
one sure enough, hey? Well, halnt,
am ~ and he dives beneath the open
collar of my nightshirt and chews on
my collar bone.
"That fly, once he introduces himself
to me again each year, and I've had
him on my staff, the self-same fly, for
fully Is years however since my hair
fell out-never turns me loose for a
single instant, waking or sleeping. he
followed me down to my office this
morning, az usual, and he's beet at me
all day. jeering me and eating me by
turns. When I take a car he takes
car, too. and follows me right up. l
went down to Atlantic City four or five
times last summer and he went along
with me- Hanged if he didn't follow
me into the sea, too. | never bobbed
ND out Of a comber that he didn't light
on my head and say: Thought you
could drown me out, hey? Well, you
can |, anu then give me d pdt tiNui"ii'
vicious nip. I've pleaded with that fly
with tears in my eyes as big as saucers,
but it's no use. He's utterly heartIess.
I've threatened him, all TO no avail.
I've reviled him up hill and down vale,
and thrown things at him, and hlreo
small boys by the hour to try and cage
him, so that | could shoot him to death
with a shot gun-but all fruitless, flu
tile. He'll be with me through life.
There's no way Of escaping him. There
he is now" and the bald headed man
made a terrible sweep with his right
hand at fly that didn't look to the lay
man any worse than the average fly,
sitting en- the end Of his nose. And
then-it may have been imagination
the writer thought he distinctly heard
that fly, as he flew away for the tenth
part of a second and then relighted on
the bald headed mans nose, exclaim:
20, you easy Old thing. Just watch me
take another fall out OF you. WASH
ingtOn Star
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
A MODERN CONVERSATION,
With the Inevitable Promising Start and
Unsatisfactory Ending.

From Puck.
do you love me?''
"Of course, dear. Why?"
That's just like a man. You are sc
matter of fact. Please, please, say you
love me really and truly"
But l do
''You-don't- always and
love you so very much"
And l do you. dear. Why, what is it?'
oh, nothing. l have surprise for
you"
Yes real surprise. You can't guess
What is it?"
You must guess"
I'm not good at guessing Is it expen-
sive?"
You horrtd thing! don't love you
when You talk that way"
Forgive me. dear! I've just been look
ing over my check-book you know. ard
my thoughts ran that way. What is it?'
I'm not going to tell"
"Oh, yes! Gomez"
"No. l won't
Put you must"
We'll. then, it's "a: guessr'
For heavens sake, dear: tell me-"
''You don't love me! You're too anx-
ious to know"
Then don't tell me"
"Eut 1 must! I'm just bursting with it
"Well-?"
ITS a new gown!'
"Umph,-How much was it?''
II hate you for that"
But, my dear. I"
II always knew you didn't love me-"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
ROYAL DIALOGUE.

Emperor William-What kind Of an
army is it that those Americans gehabt
habit?
The Aid-It Is Of the orscourings made
up. your highness.
Emperor William-How made up?
The Aid-Mixed together, your high
ness.
Emperor William-Helwagen
The Aid-Yes. your highness.
Emperor William-Right away get me
the recipe.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
AS USUAL IN CUBA.

Il understand" observed the Span
ish statesman. that we had another
battle with the Americans. Six hum
dreG were killed oI,both sides, Of which
the Spanish lost only about one hun
dred'
Good" exclaimed the government
attache. Then the Americans lost
five hundred"
.'No-er-er. you see. the Americans
didn't lose any. The others we're nom
combatants. as usual"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
on THE TRAIL.

Natlve-Yaas. stranger. we hanged the
wrong man.
stranRer-Good heavens! What arc you
going TO DO about IL?
WAL. we're IN hopes well git the
right one before night. Detroit Free
Press.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
TOO HASTY.

Coal Dealer (anxiously)-Hold on. That
load hasn't been weighed. Itdooks to me
rather large for a ton.
Driver-Tain't intended for ton. It's
two tons.
Dealer-Heg pardon. 80 ahead--New
Happy Innocence bmbmfed:Joi NH
York WeeklE.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
WHEELER AT SANTIAGO. !

cGeneral Wheeler started ON the
two miles journey to the front In an
ambulance. About half way to the
front he met some filters bearing
wounded. The veteran, against the
protests of the surgeons, Immediately
ordered his horse. and after personally
assisting the wounded into the ambu-
lance, mounted and rode onward.
THE men burst into frantic cheers
which followed the general all along
the line. Correspondence New York
Tribune.
l-sse tfrr tnIck OF The light he went pad
and sick and wan,
Borne in an ambulance 10 the front.
ghostly wisp of a man.
But the fighting soul OF a lighting man,
approved in the long ago,
Went to the front In that ambulance and
the body of lighting Joe,
Out from the front they were coming
back smitten Of Spanish shells
Wounded boys from he Vermont hills and
the Alabama dels;
Put them into this ambulance; I'll rido
TO the front. ~ he said,
And he climbed to the saddle. and rodc
right on, that little old ex-Confed
From end to end of the long blue ranks
rose mp the ringing cheers.
And many a powder blaCkened face was
furrowed with sudden tears.
AS with flashing eyes and cleaning sword
and hair and beard OF snow
Into the hell Of shot and shell rode little
old Fighting Joe.
Sick with fever and racked with pain, no
could not stay away.
! For he heard the song Of the yester years
IN the deep mouthed cannon's bay
He heard In the calling song OF the guns
there was work for him 10 do,
Where his countrNs best blood splashed
and flowed round the old Red. White
and Blue.
Feverod body and hero heartl This I'm
ion 81 heart 90 YOU
Beats ont In love and reverence-and TO
each dear boy ia blue
! who stood or fell mid the shot or she'll.
and cheered in the face of the foe,
As wan and white. to the heart 81 the
fight rode little old Fighting Joe.
James Lindsay Gordon.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
LOOKED THAT WAY.

The Conner Back-What has become OF
Bilinghoss? When l went away. he
seemed to be a pretty big man.
The Slayer at Home-He dropped out
Of sight I guess he was one ~ those dis
appearing gurs-Cincinnau Enquirer.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
JUDGING FROM APPEARANCES.

Fond Mother-What do You think
baby will be when he grows up?
EXasperated Father don't know;
town crier likely.-Stray Stories.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
ONCE TOO OFTEN.

Lodge Meeting Bluff Was Worked by
Hubby-Took Degrees Enough for
t>~-a~i Masn~S A""0~dirG IN His
!. Ctntornante-uic Wife Will Confer a
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14
TIME,To CALL A HALT QUICK.

Showing Down-Trodden Man, Like the
Worm. VIII Eventually Flop.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1898-08-14

-ve-~. 40" e-4-U LAG II ANos ~ oe1
1t Soon, Either.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1898-04-11

The American people are inf1amed
beyond endurance by the method she
has employed in dealing with the Gu
bans, and the destruction of the
Maine is an additional cause for an
immediate resort to force. 1t will
not do to treat the blowing up of our
battleship and the killing of our gal
liant sailors as simply distressing in
cident of the Cuban situation. The
destruction of the Maine has done
more to fire the American heart than
all the long list of cruelties practiced
upon the suffering in Cuba"
8 In order to guard against the pos
sibility of trouble from some crank
who might get into the White House
along with the crowd that throngs
the mansion in these exciting days, a
number of additional policemen in
citizens clothes have been detailed
for duty there. These policemen
move about in the crowd constantly
on the alert for any suspicious action
on the part of any individual.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1898-04-11

The Vermont Agricultural Expert
ment Station has just issued Bulletin
So, containing the analysis and valua-
tions of thirty six leading brands of
commercial fertilizers, with remarks
concerning their trade values, and
the commercial and agricultural
values of commercial fertilizers. This
is the first of three bulletins upon
this subject to be issued during the
spring months. These, as well as
other bulletins and reports of the
station, are sent without charge to
upon the mailing list to receive future
issues without further notice should
add this statement to their request
for the bulletin. A postal card di-
rected to the Experiment Station,
Burlington, VT, is sufficient.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1898-04-11

I Our guarantee is like a Bank /
Check-if your purchase does
not suit you, bring back the
lgoods and draw your money.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1898-04-11
Geo. II. DAVIS

Our Dressmaking Department
opens April goth. See local ad.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22

Byron msrried Miss Miilbsnk TO get
money 10 pay bis debts. IL turned out .
bad ebiit
Robert Barns married fsrm girl, With
whom be irll 10 love while they worked to
gether plos field
Mltoo ID rried the daughter OF . coun
try squire lie VI. 80 sustere rscIuss.
while she vas rosy, r0uping oountfy
lass. thst could MT endure the restraint
imposed upon h'r. 20 they sepsrsted.
sabseq aeb,ly. howsyes. she reiuroed, spd
they lived lolspbly happy togstheE
Q1sen yictorIs snd Prince Albert sere
cousins, aud sbopt the orIy examples In
the lous hfe Of Ensiish monsrehs vbeteio
sincere u etioo eristsd.
shskapesfe loved snd welded fsrn
ers dsu sb,s.
Washington msrrie' somsn With tso
childrsn. II Ia enough 10 sy that she
ws worthy Of bin, aud they lived I. msr
ried folks should 10 pefiec. harmony.
JoLn Adams mnrisi the daughter Of
Presbytsfisn elsrgymsn. Her father oh
ieetea on seeoal. Of Johns being . isv
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22


spsslin Of Christnss ,rs~, ..ia O,
clone Murphy - be snuiYsd q candle on
the iopmosi twis Of the X sno 0ulch
oandsy school tree with his tru,ty slr
shooter and then nipped r.moosirsnce n
ens bud by getting The drop on toe Soa
dsy school superintendent. reminds me Of
. asloot named Hard Luck Hsnkins. Who
lived up on Tendsfioot ridge and pteod
cd az how he vac . miner, but be didn't
never seem 10 mine anything and was
generally reg,r led - feller without
Visible means Of support. Some folks
said he wee = road agent and Others
opined ~ how hess stealth might be The
mine he Vas working
The only thing Keno Gulch ever really
knowed him 10 be doin was putin up
powerful kick about one thing or smother.
He always had some hard lack story TO
tell, and that was why folks csllsd him
Hard Luck Hsnkins.
There wasn't . deceit looki tfse on
top Of the hull ridge except one, snd that
tree Was very handsome pine that stood
right 10 front OF Hard Lnck Hsnkips'
shsn'y. She's my old Christmss tree.
Hsnkins would erowl every time Christ
mas would come around, but dern her ole
hide, SANITY CLAWS doa,t never hang
nothin on her fer me-
That was ies Hard Lucks posky and
onery way -alltrs kiekin about ssmethiog
and that handsome tree never hsvin any
thing hsnein on II Ter him seemed 10 rils
him specially every year. What's the
use bsvin . blame Christmss tree that
never don't have nolbin hsngin on to IN
be growled. Have . dern good notion Ia
ont her down.
This went on year alter year, end the
boys kep s.wonderin aud g. -yonderin how
Hard L1ck got = livin. Oae Christmss
ave they found ont. aud i. put an end to
Hard Luck's qusrrel with his big pine
Christmas tree.
Fer ths very arst Cbris,mss sence Hard
Luck had been livia 10 Keno there was
hsnein on his Christmas tree.
What Was itf repeated Cyclone Murphy
- he snufisd smother candle. Why IL
vas old Hard Luck Hsnkins hisseli, and
10 was-kickin -tz usual, and kiokin
With both feet.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22
A Talk About SIssp.
But can I sleep, insisted the patiert.
Thst's nothing. repested the doctor,
Notbinol Why. STAY az axe sII nigh

Bot can sleep, insisted the pstiert.
Thst's nothing. repested the doctor.
Nothingi Why. l stay awake sll night
Nc, you iop't. njoined the doctor. You
stay swske psrt OF she time and dream
some more Of the time that you're awske.
and betimes you sleep sonudly.
Well, you can put 1t that wsy II You
wsnt u. What I'm sfter is something
thstll make ne sleep instead Of lying y
wake. snd will keep me from dreaming
thst I'm swske
You're going loo fact. ssid the doctor.
Ia the fret place. bow do 700 know thst
you need TO sleep any mere than yon dor
Lots Of people sleep too much Tor their
own good.
I've been accustomed 10 ny seven
straight boors oil Dy life. and ! don't
know Why ! shonld Gu. dosD the allow
snce nov.
Some people. rttoii; "a The doctor. come
a here sud say they've been accustomed
20 their three squsre nesls day oil their
nyss spd they don't zee why they should
have dyspepsis nov. There srs 10, Of
possible dangers sboo, too nuch slrsp 10
the .sy Of causing csrlsin ailments, TO
"a, nothing Of the wear aud tear Of the
n.r,e. brought shout by trying to force
yourseli 10 sleep more ,bsn yonr nature
s.ys. los, becsuse you've heard tasi the
normal man .pepds . third oi bic life 10
bed. Why. don's you hnow thai the
bisLtr ,be intellectusi rank the less sleep
. man reqairss' Goethe spd HnmboIa,
,ot along vlth tvo or three hours oi sleep
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22

l asked the major about the character
OF the woneds made by the Mauser tnllet
10 some respects. be said, the Mause'
bullet showed itself most merciful. Ia
cept at short range II made clean. small
hole with Ii tie tearing OF the tissues OF
splintering OF the bones. II frequently
happened that men shot through the
body Tel, very little Inconvenience for some
time after and we're able to walk mile OF
two 10 the rear or even to 60 on fighting.
Men walked into the hosp tai station shot
through the bowel, .tot Il rough the
stomach, shot thttuph the lunps, and
many OF them recovred. 81 h"va had
men recover va were;sbOt usn II
liver or the kidney. aud That w. sJL-o
thing unhesri OF before TINS war. And II
was remarkable TO see how the arteries
would recede from Q Msuser bullet and
avoid rupture. There we're nsny cases
where could put my finger into wound
and felt the artery pulsa'ing, and yet
there WAS no puncture.
There WAS cavalry man in the rough
riders' fight Il have this on the authority
OF smother doctor who was shot through
the heart 10 the charge, and did not know
IL.
I'm afrsid Pm hurt, lieutenant. be call
ed out, putting bis hand over his breast
Go back to the rear, said the officer.
Not while I've get any breath in me to
fight, answered the soldier. And 1t seems
an established fact that this man con
tipued 10 the charge for nearly five hun
dred yards before he dropped to the
ground dead.
What was the eject OF the Mauser bul
let At short ranger
II was terrible, for st short range the
Mauser bullet explodes. there is no ques
tion sbort this. ] do not mean that 1t eI
plodes like gunpowder by chemic'l
change. but 1t ezplodes physically just as
= grinds,oue may fly into pieces, You sse
during it's early flight the bullet; which is
shsped like long bean, Wobbles as a top
does from ride to side. Lstir on II takes
9 steady horizontal position and then
makes y clean wound, bot II 1t enters
body while wobbling it "musbrooms" out
il may so exI rsss it. and the projecting
fragments work irIsbtiul havoc 10 bores
or tissuts | saw man 10 Company q.
Inner, who WAS struck in the
head early 10 the fight. He was right 90
the firing line and must have get n bullet
before 1t had taken it's steady poise Of
flight. AT any rate the wound 10 bs
skull looked as II 1t had been smashed
With . hammer and he died few hours
later
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22

Clothing the immstnr, 10 . little brief
suthtrty and responsibility is frequently
sttendsd with results the revefse OF i'm
pressive, ~ in the case OF oae Of Uace
Sans nsvsl officers, concerning whom the
Boz ton Globe furniihes the following;
While the Philadelphia ws lying al
the ProokIyn Nsvy.Ysrd. . young ensign
vas placed 10 coDmsnd Of ibe deck. II
happened that only one item remsined on
tbs list Of the mornings duties, snd tbst
uss TO sweep decks At seven bells.
II vs no, . very msr.is. commsnd 10
give. but - the time approached; this
officer OF the deck wsIed nervous. He
imagined tdst the eyes oi all hands we're
on him, sad that the safety OF the ship do
pended npou his giving tbe erier 10 The
proper voice. AT three minutes Of ssveu
bells be sgsin scanned tas orisr-book. II
read. Seven b lie: Pipe s~esp,r.
II ws PLAZA sDonsb, sgi the Young
officer took bi, stand hear the m.inms,t,
snd ccllsd cot 10 a very ss.k voice,
Bos'ns nal
The mao sddr seed spr.nl 10 hi, feet
9th hsgsr touching cap. Al; sy, cir. be
replied.
G..aeiog hastily ncund. the scared
oiiiesr IL uttered bo.r.sly. S'ipe psspsfsl
1, .a 90 entirely n.s order 70 the
bo.t,s.ias m.,s He touched hn esp 10
auirinsly. TBs ensign. mors eonfassi
ts.n ever. ,t.mmsrsi desperstiys
Peep swipsrs. my msp
The vofds we're os' s'rhsafd, sod the
laugh which ioliosed pro'ei the last
straw. TIE ensign drew himself up. sGd
sits vithsfisg sosra tIeisimsd;
Sweep piper, sni be qaisk stout +,
tool
Ttis time Lis orders we're obsyst. the
erinning bosssvsia's nate having istbom
I'd bis meaning.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22

ya bs bad bed opinioa Of u. moral.
oi tss profession.
'shn Howard. The srsst phil.uthrepis,.
shs sss altogether beneath him 10 social
lilo snd Intellectual capacity, and beside.
'h" v" fii,y-,vo yssrs old, vhis be ~.
ssenty.hve He uenld not tsle no tar
90 snsvsr sad they we're married nd
lived happily together until che died,
which occurred t~o yesrs sheswsrJ.
fessr The Great, Of Ru,sis. married q
peasant sirl She made On excellent
wife and ssssoions empress.
Humboldt msiried . poor slrl bccsusr
be loved her. oi ooune they yer. b.ppy
Edssrd Lyiicn Bulstr, The English
s's'esmsn and novelist, married . sitl
much bis interior 10 position, .nd 40,
shrs~ for . vile, OF course he vas nu
happy.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22
Aboriginal and Original,

whs,ever else msy be true Of ladisns %
usiters. after residing the following srlmly
en- uans story. t,ksa from the Chicago
Time.. Herald, IL cannot be said that they
are ol the psiniully obseauiols type,
10 small torn 10 Nebrsska The elil
walters Of the tavern eli leil to so TO new
hotel 10 the peishborius town. and 90 90
other help uss svsilsble the landlord vac
forced to do the waiting himself until he
though, q the Indians q, the reservation,
He promptly hired four Of them, but a.
the Indian hss no idea OF time they did
DOT get round 10 the tavern the next day
until the breakfast hour wss over, and all
the guests save one bad eaten. He was .
drammer from New York house and Is
known 10 the Wes, ss great srnmbier.
When he sppesred 10 The dibine'room.
The landlord urged forward the man be
hsd been training.
Take bis order, jim, he said, aud sivs
him glass OF ice wster.
The Indian managed TO take the order
correctly, and carried 1t 10 aud served y I,
then be- took his stand Of the back OF the
guest's chair. rs be had been instructed
10 do.
But the drummer WAS in . bad temper
and declared in no complimentary way
that he would no. beserved by 81 Indian
At that the grim ststae at his back whip
ped ont = ssvsge-looking dirk. aud hold
ing it over the heard OF the grumbler, be
said, with Chocisw brevIty:
You est.
And eat the drammer did, flesh aud
fowl, not daring to move . muscle, while
the unwsveripg arm held the dirk within
an inch OF his head, aud it was not until
he had eaten every ythipg in sight that his
was discovered and he was
rescued in = state versing on collapse.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22
A Postal joke.

A West Slider recently approached . DER
tain postoflice official. His face was
serious: 80 WAS his voice.
Say. be said, ! don't think its right for
you to make your letter carriers do double
duty.
What do you mean exclaimed the
Official.
Why. we've got . carrier over our wsy
Who is q II night spd day.
At whstf
Why, be oarriss mails oil day, and then
has an extra male 70 carry At night,
The onicisl looked puzzled.
That's que,r, he said, inquire ip,o IL.
Then bis face frightened mp.
Hold on, he cried, what does that night
mail weisb9
About niue pounds. said tie citizen
With hosrss chuckls.
Tue cfi,i srinned.
Guess he'll have to stand II, he said it's
iut short route. you know.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22

The canvas walls OF the old cabin dissp
peared ten years ago. but Treasure City
10 still thriving place. and one Of the
prettiest hooks 10 town is Sibyl's Dream.
The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1898-12-22

Immediately after applying it yoa
feei rs soothing, warming, strength.
tning power.
II quiets congestion draws out
Inflammation.