The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1898-01-03
A Soft Answer

The Hon. Mr.. Van Wrinkle had made a
number of New Years calls, so many IN
fact, that his knees were somewhat I'M
steady as he wendell his way home, be-
tween and . g. m, toward Bunker Hill
avenue. where he resides with his wife
and mother-in-law. Good cheer, II parta-
ken of in more than moderate degree
by the Hon. Mr.. Van Wrinkle has the Pc
culiarity Of interfering to an sncomtort-
able degree with the free and untrammeled
use of his knees, although it leaves his
brain measurably clear, and adds zest to
his eloquence never to be despised. but at
such times positively overfiowing.
Van Wrinkle had made many polite little
speeches to the ladies at those houses
where the ancient custom OF receiving New
Years callers is still observed. Yet he felt
that there was still within him much elo-
quence that only demanded an opportunity
to bubble over. But alack and alas, 1t
was now too late for further calls. and
that little matter of the wobbly knees
would, at all events, have precluded the
policy of more visits and little speeches
and little sips of egg-nog. tutti quaint.
So he was steering home laboriously by
the aid of his gold-headed Irish black
thorn, singing snatches of Aud Lang
Syne," and 1--WE Won't Go Home Till
Morning." in very wheezy falsetto, as
he gradually climbed up the Third street
hill.
And here he was before the home which
sheltered his better half and her mamma
with the accent on the az. Heavens!
There was light burning! That meant
lecture. not from the amiable Mrs Van
Wrinkle, God bless her. who, none than he
knew better invariably went to sleep at
10 o'clock and slept like top till in the
morning, but from the old lady. Her bette
noir was q man, and son-in-law at that,
with a skate on.
The Hon. Mr. Van Wrinkle did not have
to fiddle at the keyhole with his latch key.
The door opened as soon as he placed his
foot upon the bottom step. He did his
best to brace up, but his knees wobbled
furiously. "Joey Mr.. Van Winkle!"
came from her. sharply and Indignantly,
as she closed the door and they entered
the parlor, shame on you; believe you
are inebriated.''
by no manner of means. dear madam.
If you will observe me very carefully and
follow my conversation closely. you will,
on the contrary, elucidate therefrom that l
am merely overburdened with an access
of that wit, humor and conversational
power tonight-or rather this morning
for which 1 am justly celebrated. 1 trust
make myself perfectly clear. dear
madam. Allow me TO observe-to give you
an instance of my perspicuity and that
jinnysay kwah which has made me the
only Van Wrinkle on the Pacific coast
that on my way home was fondly think
ing of you, my respected relative. And
what do you suppose were my thoughts?
Follow me very closely for one moment,
please. l was saying to myself, perhaps
aloud, as was coming along: If 1 had
not been so desperately in love with my
present wife, 1 would undoubtedly have
been desperately in love with her hand
some and youthful mammal Now, dear
madam, If you have given me your close
and undivided attention, I venture to re.
mark. quite boldly and a propos. that your
suggestion that might be slightly-ahem
under the influence of gentle stimulant
falls unsupported to the ground"
"Oh. joey, what a dear, funny fellow
you are!" was all that mamma in-law re-
Piled as she gave quick glance at her.
self in the looking glass and smiled be-
nignantly at the astute Joey, who imme.
diately sneaked off to bed.
The Hon. Mr.. Van Wrinkle had delivered
himself. o, K