davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Humor of Br;tisb Elections.

Years ago, when elections in England were contests In which bribery and in- limitation were winked at, voters who lived at distance often found it diff cult to get to the polls, whether they travelled by land or by water. A vessel carrying voters from London to IpS- wich, only seventy miles distant, some how lost its reckoning and did not dis cover 1t until Amsterdam was sighted.
 Coaches conveying voters broke down mysteriously. Readers of "Pick. wick Papers" will recall Tony Weller, the stout, red-faced coachman who married a "widder" for his second wentur," and who had what he called "a coincidence" while driving a coach load of voters from London to a certain town. The coach was upset several miles from its destination, and the pas. sengers reached the polling booth only after the voting had been closed.
 Ireland's reputation for practical jok. ing at elections Is maintained even in these prosaic days. At the election foI the city of Cork in 1895, the contest was between the Parnellites and the i-Parnellites. A funny incident hap pened. The wives of four voters held political views which differed from their husbands. On the day of the cleo ton these four women rose early and left their homes, carrying off every stitch of male attire from the house with the keys, after locking in theil sleeping husbands.
 But fate was against them. Before the poll closed, the clothesless voters were discovered. Friends wrapped them in blankets and conveyed them in carriages to the polling booths where they arrived just in time to re cord their votes.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
THE FOODS WE EAT.
Various Kinds and What They Are Sever
 ally Good For.

Various Kinds and What They Are Sever.
 ally Good For.
 Nature supplies us with two complete foods, milk and eggs, which contain in the proper proportions all the necessary dement's for the sustenance of our bod :ea As these are the ccly complete foods it is necessary in the absence to have mixed foods, and it is in the mix ing that mistakes occur, because the fat forming, muscle forming and other parts are taken in wrong proportions, some in excess and others the reverse. Left to his own taste primitive man in- variahly selects the best food. This in- stinct, however, is defective at the pres ent day. For children food rich in bone forming substances is necessary. Among muscle forming foods the following are the best and most common: Oatmeal porridge, with rich milk and whole meal bread buttered; meat is highly condensed food of this class. To men or sedentary occupation free use of meat is injurious. For men engaged at hard manual labor generous meat diet IS admirable.
 Vegetables contain but little nourish- ment but are useful as blood purifiers and also supply bulk to the food, which is necessary to give the consumer satis- faction. Milk should never be taken with meat, because they are both rich in one substance. Tea should not be taken with meat either, because it renders the meat tough and indigesti- ble. Beef ranks first as muscle former and mutton next. Pork makes d very digestible dish, and fowl and bacon are a very useful and palatable dish. Cere- als enter largely into our diet and are of much value, because they supply food or starch as we'll as muscle food. Pota- toes provide little nutriment, but with plenty of milk, which supplies the pre- else ingredients they lack, good diet is formed.
 Sugar is we'll worthy of notice, and the child's love of it is @ perfectly healthy instinct and should always be gratified in reason. Fruits are good blood purifiers and should be considered as essentials rather than luxuries. Beef tea contains scarcely any nutriment whatever and is almost purely a stimu- lant. A dog fed on beef tea starved to death, while another fed on refuse meat throve. Tea, injurious if taken in ex- cess, provides, if taken in moderation, most refreshing drink. Many scientists recommend it's uss about two hours be- fore our principal meal and without food Coffee is stimulant, unlike all others, in fact, that it is followed by no reaction. It stimulates the brain and is called an intellectual drink. Cocoa de- serves to be classed as food
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
REVENGE OF PIzEN oL'LcH CTS.
It Was Two Weeks Too Late, but No
 Apaches Were Le t.

l ApdChCS 1C ts
 ''The man who said that the only good Indian was a dead Indian was about as near right as men get" re- marked Col. Ham Sploggett, of Ari- zona, the other evening, as he wrestled with mint smash, "and if any man oughter know what he's talking erbout in them matters I guess it's me. I went to Arizony mighty long time | ago. Them alarmed Apaches wuz CT bout as onery as eny sort of Indians, and not day passed but what we fel- l lers down to Pizen Gulch heard erbout men losing their scalps and women and children being butchered like forty, the news coming from way out on the frontier. I wuz sorter getting a grip on Arizony jess then, an l didn't want to lose it, so I jess stayed away from the line an tended ter business, with one eye open. We had ter get out and | hustle, however. Indians wuZ getting more rampageous every day, and final | ly band of the measly, murdering rob bers rid inter a small settlement erbout
 
 every soul thar, not leaving one to tel the tale. This riled the boys at the Gulch, an we thought the time had come to do something. Two hours after we got the news we wuz out for biz. We rode away, an an hour afore sun- down we reached the place whar the settlement had been. Wall, sir, I've seen many sad sights in my life, but 1 that little settlement wuz erbOut the saddest thing that ever met these old eyes, not so old then, neither. Ashes ] showed whar some cabins had stood, | and that, too, could be seed what re- mained of home things, an jess on the | outskirts of the settlement we found the bodies of the folks what had form ed the peaceful village.
 "Men, women and children alike had gone to satisfy the awful greed for blood. They had been dragged togeth- ed and the bodies, must have been about twenty of them, were piled in a terrible heap, mutilated and horrible to look at. The saddest sight of it all WdS VuO 1OIIu OL 1IlIlc UdDy. 1ue small critter wuz lying on the breast of a woman, maybe it's mother, and it's little fists wuz fastened in the long hair that was all tangled and flowing like. At fust I thought 1t wuz sleepin', but It wuzn't. It wuz dead, an a little round black hole right in the middle of It's forehead showed whar the bullet had done its work. Thar it wuz, monument of Indian ferocity, an the poor little limbs of the baby wuz cud duled up an its white face wuz smilin' jest as though death had caught it while 1t Wuz lOokin' right inter its mothers eyes. The sight of that little one thar, naked to the skies, made the grim look on the faces of the boys jess kinder deepen like until they seemed desperate and deadly. We left the place without a word, but when we crept up on the band what did the work we paid them back to the death, even If 1t wuz two weeks later. Them wuz bad days, tell you."-TwO Repub- lies, Mexico.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Why They Cheered.

Dr. Whewell, master of Trinity col lege, Cambridge, was a great but un- popular man. When he entered the sen- ate house, 1t was the i'll hammered prac- tlce of the undergraduates to begin a loud and continuous whistle.
 How tEis originated do not know, g writes Dean Farrar in his book "Men I Have Known" ''There were two leg ends about it. One was that it intimat- ed that the master would have to whis- tie for bishopric; the other-equally absurd-was that when some one had asked him how to pronounce his name he had said, You must shape your mouth as if you were going to whistle. ,"
 But under the rough manners of the students there was genuine goodness of heart. Dr. Whewell's wife died. He had been tenderly devoted to her, and when he attended chapel after her death the undergraduates were touched by an "old man s anguish and'a strong mans tears. "'
 "When next he entered the senate house, writes Dean Farrar, "there was dead silence. For the first time for I know not how many years not whis- tie was heard, and then moment after ward as by spontaneous impulse the whole crowded mass of undergraduates in the gallery burst into a loud and long continued cheer. It was not aston ishing that such a proof of sympathy should move the heart of the great mas ter or that the tears should run down his cheeks. l do not think that he was ever whistled at again.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
The Type In the Oxford Bible.

Statistics have a fascination for many people, who will be interested in learn ing that there are 77S, TAG words i'll the authorized version of the Bible and S,566, 4S2 letters, including E's. These figures, says The Periodical, the monthly journal of announcements issued by the Clarendon press, relate to text Bible and are independent of verse figures and figures (if used) in chapter headings. To estimate the total number of separate bits or pieces of metal which together make up the types of an Oxford refer ence Bible there may then be added full ly 1,10O,00 letters, figures, points, spaces, etc., in the text and 900, 900 in the marginal notes, making total of 5.566, 4S2 pieces in all.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Tha Mater Lily.

Almost everybody has observed the strange characteristic of the water lily bud opening it's petals at sunrise and closing them again at sunset. It was for this reason mainly that the ancients held the water lily sacred to the sun. Pliny says: "It is reported that ill the Euphrates the flower of the lotus plunges into the water at night, remaining there till midnight, and to such depth that it cannot be reached with the hand. After midnight it begins gradually to rise, aud as the sun rises above the horizon the flower also rises above the water, expands and raises itself some distance above the element i'll which it grows" It was also through this pe- culiarity that Hancarville proved that the Egyptians considered the lily an emblem of the world as it'rose from the waters of the deep.-Pittsh--g Dispatch.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
His Plain Address.

The Lord Farnham of fifty or sixty years ago invited a tenant farmer to dinner who had no experience In the methods of addressing titled person ages. He consulted a friend in his per- plexity, who told him on speaking al first to say Lord Farnham or Lady Farnham, and then to talk to them as other people. On meeting his friend afterward the guest told him he had got on we'll at dinner and soon felt quite at home. 'I took your advice. and, having said, How do you do. Lord and Lady FarnhamT called them plain MT. and Mrs. Farnham for the remainder of the evening" g."-Westmtn- ster Gazette.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
One Verdict.

The Atlanta Constitution tells of a curious verdict rendered by Georgia jury in a case where the guilt of the prisoner was clearly established. It was not thought the jury would be ten min- utes in recommending him for the peni- tentiary, but three hours elapsed before the 12 men filed into court again. when a verdict of "Not guilty" was read, to the astonishment of all.
 "How could you bring in such yer dict after the evidence?" asked the judge.
 Well, jedge," replied the foreman, "he's man of large family and lost one leg and two sons in the war.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

That keen observer and accurate de lineator of human thought, Walter Say age Landor, stated a paradoxical truth in clear and fOrceful language more than generation ago when he said:
 The Frenchmen are the most delicate people in the world on points of honor and the least delicate on the points of justice" There could scarcely be a more forcible illustration of the truth of this observation than is furnished in the history of the Dreyfus scandal and the recent Zola trial in Paris.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

In this worldwide fisticuffing craze the various shouts of war are not to he interpreted as an equivalent of war, though they are Its ragged edge. Where there's so much smoke there must be some fire, but 1t is also true that bark and bite are not identical. As a rule
 the dog that bays most is gazing the moon out of countenance. The cost of battle under modern conditions Is su great that since Sedan the civilized world has generally taken 1t out in talk
 and it is agreed that millions for de fense are the almighty dollars of peace
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
SEARCH FOR THE POLE.
Deficiency of Knowledge in the Early
 

Deficiency of Knowledge in the Early
 Days.
 At the close of the middle ages, when the deficiency of knowledge of the earth was great, avarice and the quest for the goods of the south led men into the northern ice; they sought to reach India by the shortest possible routes, where they would not meet ri- valS and enemies. This was the ob- Ject of Magellan's circum-navigation, The Ceterum Censeo of James Lancas- ter asserted that the way to India was north around America. India was the object of the polar navigators Cabot in the fifteenth, FrobiSher and Davis ln the sixteenth, and Hudson and Baf- tin in the seventeenth centuries. to name only few of the most famous. It Is astonishing what these daring British and Dutch sailors risked, suf- fered, and gained.
 They did not, indeed, reach India. but we know of HudSon's Bay. Davis Strait and Lancaster Sound. AS we owe to the men of the stone age, who lived before all history, one of the most important posses sions of man, the great paths they marked out upon the earth across streams, over mountains, and through wilderness and plain, which are still the routes of to-day's highways, so these older arctic navigators mapped out the courses of their successors. The ships of the whalers and seal hunters followed them, discovering one bay, island, and channel after another, naming them and marking them on maps.1.AppletonS' Popular Science Monthly.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

to own that my profession has taken no small part in it. Here is method by which frauds and pretenderS can be got rid of. Let Congress pass law requiring a re-eXamination of every pensioner, or applicant for a pension, who bases his claim on physical disa- bility contracted while discharging his duty as a Union soldier. A board of medical examiners should be estab- lished in each State-two or more boards might be required in some States to facilitate matters. Each board should be composed of two mem bers, one a surgeon and the other a physician. They should be selected solely for their eminent and acknowl- edged professional ability, and their honesty and standing in the State. They should give all their time to this work, and be paid salary of S2O,OOO each per year. They should carefully examine every pensioner in their re- spectiye States, and report to the gov ernment exactly the physical condition of each, and how much, if any, disa- bility in any case was the result of service in the war of secession. They would be influenced by nothing except the physical facts presented, and al- ways give the applicant the benefit of any doubt Such a re-examination would require about one year to com plete it, and would cost the govern ment from S2,OO0,O00 to $3,000,00O.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Inevitable,

Perhaps you would like to do the shopping for the family yourself! she exclaimed.
 Perhaps you would like to under take the responsibility of providing the fundsw he retorted.
 Then they both shuddered and real ized that there was no use of trying to settle the question. It was the old, old dispute between capital and labor.- Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Some English.

English board school teachers can all produce charming examples of naive parental orthography. Here are two scraps from the correspondence of cer- tain Australian mothers. The first is an excuse:
 Please, sur. mi kids kant go toskule, as there close Is wore bout, an thay kant git more till the wheets sOuld.
 The next refers to clothing: DEAR MR.--: Please send one par of solzs to fit boy of ten years old one par to fit one nine years Old one par to fit one seven years want the three pars all cast iron stOkings.
 -LOndm Glohe
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

It may be that we are, with respect to the coming century, in the same i'm mature mental condition in which the
 people of the eighteenth century were l with regard to the nineteenth. If some in the preceding century had dared to | predict the wonderful achievements of l the nineteenth, he would probably have been declared a fool, and treated as was Robert Mayer in Germany, in this century, who, after the discovery of the law of the conservation of force, was put into an insane asylum. A like fate might befall the man who should dare now to cast a horoscope for the twentieth century, and to predict the progress of the human mind in the various domains of scientific research. After all, those may be right who, in spite of all those acquisitions on which we so justly pride ourselves, are of opinion that we are still moving in only the initial steps, in the leading strings of evolution, and that we are yet very far from the goal of those ma terial and ideal aims which the human race in. its unremitting onward Strug gle is destined to attain, or to show its capacity of attaining. The great Sir Isaac Newton used, perhaps, the most appropriate simile when he compared men with children who on the seashore pick up here and there a curious peb ble or cOlored shell, while the great sea of truth lies still unexplored before them. We can only conjecture as to the probable course as we cannot know which position we occupy in the course of human evOlution-whether we are still in its beginnings or well advanced. This lies hidden in the bosom of the future.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

In a crowded church in Poughkeepsie recently the service had to be stopped while several fainting women were car ried from the room. Investigator re vealed that after the meeting the pre- ceding Sunday the sexton had closed the church without airing 1t, and ,na vltiated atmosphere had been relocated for another audience. It is as much a crime for housekeepers and janitors to furnish their families and guests with impure air, as 1t would be to set before them unwholesome food. Indeed, a man can live longer without food than without air.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Her Guilty Conscience.

Mrs. Mumley-And so you have de. cided to withdraw from pr. Brierly's church?
 Mrs. Weeds-Yes, he insulted me, at my husbands funeral.
 Mrs. .Mumley-Insulted you at your husbands funeral? Oh, surely you must be mistaken.
 Mrs. Weeds-No! He said my poor James had gone to a happier place and would surely not wish to return to this world, even If he could.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

The New York Chronological Socie- ty Is talking of importing the ichneu- mon fly to drive out caterpillars. Has not this war Of extermination Aone about far enough? That was the pur- pose, if we remember rightly, for which the unspeakable English sparrow was hronght oyer
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
n +ba Matrimonial Harbor,

Tn the MatrimOuial HarDor. Dixon-Is that lighthouse job of yours government position?
 Hixon-Lighthouse job! I don't know what you mean.
 Dixon-Aren't you going to look after a lighthouse SOmewhereI
 Hixon-Certainly not What put that idea 1T tO your head?
 Dixon-Tour wife told mine yester- day that you were going to try light housekeeping next month.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Of Course He Got Her.

The Old Gentleman would rather see my daughter in her coffin than mar rled to you!
 The Young Fellow-Oh, come, now, you can't mean that. I know collins are cheap at present, but she tells me she'll be satisfied with very modest wedding outfit, and Pm willing to pay for the gas that's burned during the ceremony.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

Careful estimates show that the tim Der supply of the United States will be entirely exhausted in sixty years, but manufactured gold may be so plentiful by that time as to make a fairly good substitute.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

An ex-Confederate soldier died in Newport, Neb., a few days ago. The veterans who wore the blue in 1861 took charge of the remains of their old antagonist and conducted the funeral. The war of the rebellion closed thirty three years ago.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

One of. the most remarkable develop ments in the industrial world of the United States of recent years is the in- creased manufacture of pearl buttons So great has this been that the exporta- ton of the low grades of these articles to this country from Austria has all most entirely ceased. The American pearl buttons are chiefly made in Iowa, and are used on underwear.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

President Andrews advises all young men to keep out of Journalism. This may induce many young reporter to forsake the error of his ways and be- come a university president.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

An up-to-date liveryman in Berlin has hung up in all of his public con- veyances a card which reads: "No passage money has the passage guest to pay, if to him not on the mounting of the cab the valid passage tickets, on height of the for a simple passage to be paid passage money, by the coachman dOwnreached become are" That seems 10 be plain enough.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

A Georgia court has decided that a contract of marriage made on Sunday is valid and a Montana court has de- cided that 1t is illegal to collect a fee in that State for issuing a marriage H. cense, The New Jersey plan of taxing bachelors is not the only way marriage may be encouraged.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

An agricultural exchange urges farm CTS to pay more attention to onions, in which it declares there is a great profit. Good idea. Look out for the scents and EalUae
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

A writer in the North American Re. view advances a cure for pension frauds in the following terms: There has been too much secrecy and de vfousness connected with the pension business of this country, and I blush
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
A Discerning Maiden.

Old Gottrocks-What reason have you for thinking this young man doesn't want to marry you simply be cause Pm rich?
 Miss Gottrocks-Because 1t was not until after told him all your property was in mammals name that he propos- ed to me.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

Tn the United States there are be tween fifty and sixty thousand tramps. If this number seems small it may be remembered they are not working to make 1t larger.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Mother-in-Law's Turn.

'Is your daughters husband a man of regular habits?"
 "Yes, very. He never gets home be fore midnight and Is always in the same condition when he arrives"
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

Two Arkansas men have challenged each other to engage in a contest to prove they are not afraid of snakes. That match ought to be pulled off in KeDtuckV
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Proved an A1ibi.

Timkins-I understand that Miss Anteek brought suit for damages against against young Softleigh for casting reflections upon her.
 Simkins-So she did; but she lost hei case.
 Simkins-She did, eh? What was Softleigh's defense?
 Simkins-Oh, he proved to the satis faction of the jury that he wasn't bright enough to cast a reflection.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
Easily Exn1ained.

"Why Is it that you never see a bald headed barberW
 That's simple enough. Bald-headed men can't stay In the business, because one of the chief sources of the barber's revenue is from the sale of hair tonic."
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO-
 INGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and JokeIets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born-saSinss and Doings that Are Odd. Curious ana LaushabIe-The Weeks Humor.
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

A bicycle thief was lately sentenced to ten years Imprisonment. Evidently those riders who bend themselves dou- ble are not the worst crooks in this coli paoffOn
The St. Johns herald., 1898-06-04

A North Carolina contemporary says that ''there is plenty of war spirit in this State" Too much; the moonshin- CTS are perniciously active down there.