The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-01-26
HUMOR Of THE DAY.

0Ob P"tNoh OllNb ptuNltuluh-
Don't mention it; I have another
eye left. New York Weekly.
"Why do women always grab up
every little baby they see aud kiss it?"
because little babies, you know, are
helpless. "-Cleveland Leader.
Yabsley-"Think you'll get chain.
less wheel?" Nudge -"If 1 do, II
will be at the cost of wearing watch.
less chain. indianapolis Journal.
"Weyler seems to retain his mill.
tary tastes "What do you mean?"
"This paper says that he desires moth.
ing more than a quiet retreat. -
Puck.
Jenkins -"T wonder how it happens
that Miss Kidd is always out when 1
call?" Jones-"Ohl just her luck, 1
guess. browning, King & CO..
Monthly.
''Ma, is there any pie left in the
pantry?" "There is one piece, but
you can't have it." "You are mis-
taken, ma, I've had it. t."-Clevelaud
Plain Dealer.
"Miss Tucker wouldn't have me,
but she evidently appreciated my pro-
posal," "Why do you think so?"
"She told fifteen different girls about
it."-Chicago Record,
Teacher" Tommy, what do you
know of the sphinx" Tommy-"The
sphinx is woman with great head.
She hasn't talked for three thousand
years. Chicago Tribune.
Wickwire-"Really, now, you don't
believe the poor are growing poorer?"
Mudge-'I know they are. Look at
me. 1 haven't half the money 1 had
on pay day. indianapolis Journal
"They say Dumley's wife rules him
with rod of iron. "Oh, no; that's
an exaggeration. Why, she can make
him jump by merely crooking her lit
tie finger at him. Household
Words.
81 henr that the crowd hooted You
when you appeared at the Pedlington
Theatre Royal" "False, me boy,
false, replied the eminent tragedian.
CAN false. There was no crowd. -
Household Words.
Gentlemen of the jury" said the
lawyer, impressively; "our defense is
insanity. / shall now show that my
client once served on jury and list
ened to expert testimony for four
months. Puck
Emperor William-"What is the
latest from Hayti2" The Imperial
Aid-"The Haytiana have submitted,
sire" Emperor william" Mother
victory for me and Providence. In.
dianapolis Journal.
"Now," said Mr.. Gragan, as he
read the headlines, chow could there
he double murder? Oh, / see," HI
continued, after reading little.
"Sure / fought the man was kilt
twice. - Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Skinner talking about the
stock market) ct tell you what, Mr..
Starboarder, there's nothing SS like
leather" Mr.. Starboarder (vainly
saving Ooh, yes, there is-this
steak, for instance. Tit Bits.
"Honest?" heexclaimed. "HonestG
Well, rather. He not only wouldn't
steal from an individual, but he actu-
ally refused to steal from the Govern.
ment once when he had the oppor.
tunity." Chicago Evening Post.
A prudent man had his portrait
painted recently. His friends com.
planned to him that it was much too
old. '"That's what / ordered" said
he. "It will save the expense of an.
other one ten years from now. Tit.
Bits.
A schoolboy was asked to explain
the formation of dew. His answer
was: "The earth reyolves on an axis
every twenty-four hours, and in con-
sequence of the tremendous pace at
which it travels it perspires freely"
Tlt-Bits.
The speaker had done with telling
of the wrongs of woman, and had
sunk back into her seat. "She makes
a mountain out of a mole-hill, whis
pered the personly person in the
front pew. Eyes, aud such botch,
tooV rejoined the other Detroit
JourDal.
"There is one point about your
friend Boswell, Johnson" said Ma.
poleon. "He's simply dotted on you.
'Say, rather" retorted Johnson,
d that he anec-doted on me. He re.
\ uded me somewhat of you in your
b me, Bonaparte. He was a Para
Site. "-Harper's Bazaar.
can author" said the practical lit
terateur, fought to know several lau.
guages." "Of course he ought, re.
| Piled his fellow craftsman. 'Thl
held has been so well worked that there
is no longer any use of reading old
English books in search OF original
ideas. Washington Star,
Little three-year-old Sunnylocks
had been told that he couldn't have o
doughnut, because il would make him
sick. He sat in high-chair and looked
longingly at the plateful Of sugar-coat'
ed "holes with cake around them. -
At last he turned, and, in pleading
tones, said: Mamma, ! want to Diet
J sickp-.Cleyelan Leader