Mesa free press., 1898-04-15

4
dumb, too, think."-Bazar.
81 declare Mrs. Squildig is as pretty
as a picture" remarked Mr.. M'Swilli-
gen. mo wonder" replied his wife;
''she is hand-painted."
81 heard that the crowd hooted you
when you appeared at the Pedlington
Theater Royal" "False, me boy, false" ;"
replied the eminent tragedian. "All
false. There was no crowd" House
hold Words.
! His Blunder-"Ah, see 1 have con-
veyed wrong impression!" said the
young man who had mistakenly kissed
the young woman's maiden aunt in the
darkened hallway as he came in.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
| No Longer. -Stranger-Where do the
Highminds reside? They are one of
the old families Of this city. 1 believe.
Mrs. Forundred-They used to be, but
Mr.. Highnind failed last year.--New
York Weekly.
f He-"What is called society has a
good many high-handed ways that
don't like" She-"G Goodness gracious,
weren't you aware that the elevated
handshake had gone clear out of style?"
indianapolis Journal.
zone big trouble bout runnin' dis
here world" said Uncle Bben, sis dat
Its de man who honesty realizes de
full Importance OBJ responsibility dat
is mos likely to be a little shy OBJ ac-
ceptin' it."-Washington Star.
"Mr. Snowman" said an inquiring in
dividual at the menagerie, "can the
leopard change his spots?" Eyes, SIR"
replied the individual who stirs up the
wild beasts; .'when he is tired Of one
spot he goes to another Bits.
Tommy (at the dinner table)-"Mr.
Johnson, are you blindw Mr.. Johnson
mo, my boy. Why do you ask?"
Tommy" nothin', only sister
said you'd get your eyes opened if you
married that Grinder girl.''-Tit-Bits.
Ogden-'I should think you would
want to get rid of that dog of yours.
They say he howls in most agonizing
manner at night" Sykes" Nothing
against the dog in that, is there? l
amt home nights" Boston Transcript.
First arctic Explorer-'I have al
ways considered Columbus a some
what over estimated man." Second
Arctic Explorer -"Why?" First Arctic
Explorer-"He discovered America the
first time he went to look for it,
Puck.
Usher Complaint is being made as
to that bonnet in the third box" Man
ager--"What's the matter with itY'
Usher" Several ladies on the opposite
side of the house claim it Is so swell
they can't see the stage Chicago
Chronicle.
Success In Argument-T understand
she is very successful in argument"
'Well, I should say so. Why, at our
debating club last week, she was still
talking when every one Of those oppos-
Ing her was completely tired OUT
Chicago Post.
At NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Juvenile
mamma, it isn't good grammar to say
after T. is it?" His Mother-"No,
George" Precocious Juvenile Well,
the letter ] comes after l. Which is
wrong, the grammar or the alphabet|
Chicago Tribune.
"Why do you think old Gotrocks Is
SIS rich as he claims to be?" Because
L saw him eating a 2O-cent lunch yes
terday and he didn't try to hide the
walters check. Only man whose po-
sition is impregnable could afford to
take such chance as that. New Or
leans Times-Democrat.
Mrs. Green" what bad-behayed chill
dren those are Of the Briggs! 1t was
disgraceful the way they fought over
the last piece Of cake at the table last
evening" Mrs. Browne That's queer.
MY children never begin quarreling till
the last piece Is gone. Boston Tran
script.
"No." said the rich old bachelor, Il
never could find time to marry"
| .sWell," replied the young woman with
the sharp tongue, II am not surprised
| to hear you say so. It certainly would
have taken a good while to persuade
any girl to have you."-New Orleans
Times Democrat.
! "Do you believe that it's always the
unexpected that happens" inquired
Miss Cayenne. II wouldn't venture to
| express myself on that subject" re-
/ piled Willie Washington. 'Why not?'
Because / am too polite to contradict
4 the girls who invariably say, this Is SO
4 suddenv Washington Star.
/ Great Picture buyer Ito hostess)-
"What do you think Of an artist who
| painted cobwebs on the ceiling so truth
fully that the servant wore herself into
an attack of nervous prostrataion try
/ ing to sweep them DOWN.? Hostess "a
woman of experience)-"There may
4 have been such an artist, but there
never was such a servant. .'-Tit-Bits.
y .SThis watch" began the man. "Yes, "
! interrupted the matchmaker seizipg 1t
4 and rapidly opening it. Il see; 1t wants
/ thoroughly cleaning, and" why"
D. ((Al- f<1I,