Mesa free press., 1898-12-23

Kirby (gloomily)-"Whea went down
from one dollar and five to ninety-four
cents to-GayY Mrs. Kirby-'I thought
men didn't believe In bargain days"
She-Julie and Joe are engaged, but
they have decided to keep their en-
gagement q secret; Julie told me so.
He-Yes, know 1t; Joe told me.-Tit-
Bits.
Mr.. Gabber-There Is a man In New
York erecting monument to Ananias
Mrs. Gabber-For the lands sake! Amt
what material Is he using? Mr.. Cab
ber-Nar extras.-Puck.
He-"There are two periods in a
mans life when he never understands
woman" She-"Indeed! And when
are theyr He-"Before he is mar
ried, and afterward."-Life.
"What office does your husband hold
In the lodge?" Hes the secretary"
Recording or permanentY "Perma-
nent. l guess. He's held 1t sixteen
years. s."-Chicago Tribune
Mrs. Callahan-H want to get pair
of shoes for the little bye" Shopman-
French kid, ma'am?" Mrs. Callahan
indignantly Indeed not; he's me
own SON, born and bred in Ameriky."s
II think l know now," said the sol
dier who was making a determined ef-
fort to masticate his first ration Of army
beef, what people mean when they
talk about the sinews Of war."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Smithers (society poet)-I am think
Ing Of Issuing volume with wide mar
gins. DO you like the idea? Miss De
Facto (warmly)-lndeed, you cannot
make your margins too wide for me.
I adore blank verse.
Mrs. Timmis-I hear your cook has
left you. What was the trouble? Mrs.
Rockwell-Our kitchen is so small that
she had to put her bicycle in the cellar,
and she thought the dampness wasn't
good for it.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
do you remember" said Miss An
cient to Colonel Crabtree, chow when
you were young man you proposed to
me and rejected your 1T is one Of
the happiest recollections of my life,"
said the colonel, with an air Of gallan-
try.
BarneS-"Do you believe there is such
a thing as pure patriotismY' Shedd-
rOf course there is There is Howes,
for example. He is willing to serve
his country as colonel and he doesn't
insist that he shall be sent away from
home, either"
Wifey-"Do you think there is man
that could conscientiously say to his
wife, You are the only woman l ever
loved"" Hubby-"Only one that l
can think Of" Wifey-Who? You,
dearest?" Hubby-"Oh, no; ADAM
Boston Traveller.
Insurance Agent-"We can't insure
you." Old Man-"Why not" Insur-
ance Agent-"You are ninety four
years old" Old Man-''What of that?
Statistics will tell you that fewer meu
die at ninetyfour than any other age.~
Baltimore Jewish Comment.
Tired Baird-"W'ot would yer RAIDER
be dan all else in de world, Barney?"
Barney Keegan-"A horspittle conwal-
escent, pard. All yer hez to do is jest
hull fleet dat don't do ting but soak
nurrishin' feed an brandy inter YER
Leslies Weekly.
Mrs. Jonsing-"Dis hyah new min
istah am fine preachah, but he am de
4 leanes' and skinnies' young man l
|
done tole nah husband, what weighs
two hundard an fo'ty, to bewar' les
he should be weighed in de balance an
fOun' wantin'v'-PucA.
First Citizen-If you had any doubts
of the guilt Of Mrs. Borgia, the alleged
poisoner, why did you vote to hang
her? Second Citizen (who was on the
jury)-Well, you see, the trial made her
so notorious that we knew If we didn't
hang her. she'd soon be appearing on
the stage.-New York Weekly.
II could settle Spain's hash for her
mighty quick" remarked the confident
looking young man. There's other
hash to be settled for, Mr.. Blackboard"
grimly replied the landlady. And ST.
lence ensued, while the boarders fell
to reckoning how to strengthen our
feet with the Washington
Star.
A young widow put up costly monu-
ment to her Late husband, and inscribed
upon it: my grief is so great that l
cannot bear it, A year or so later,
| however, she married again; and feel
ing a little awkwardness about the in
scription, she solved the difficulty by
adding one word to it-"alone. LON
don Figaro.
LET ME see some Of your black kid
Gloves" said lady to a diapers as
sistant. 'These are not the latest
style, are they" she asked, when the
gloves were produced. Eyes, madam"