The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-01-21
CHICAGO VAUDEVILLE.
,r,,,s.,,eh That can be Worked on any
sac with a Few ineonssqasntiiial


Marc than 200 electric lights. The cen
..t table has a blue plush cover on
rb,th is painted a large Gala lily. She
,o,cfs attIred in a green dress With SAL
,non.pInk flowers. =
she-"Well, here Il Is nearly Z o'clock
,,d I must be at Mis-. vanterbllrs s
a'cloek tea before quarter 10 =. Us
sorltty people certainly do have our
,,opbIes. ] was UP TIL o'clock this
warming playing golf with chaunccy
n.nAy | drank two buckets OF choc-
aystc for breakfast. but II d!d't seem to
s"in me much. oh, dear! For three
Ills have been searching for some
40 who viii be pleasant society for my
Soc Here Is the advertisement put
into The newspaper: (lseads.)
wASTEp- REsPEcTABLEl GENTLE.
IAN who can supply u refined atmos-
,hsIe for household pet: must have
,Tcen whISkerB TO harmonize with tho
nisnts in tho conservatory: good terms 10
Inc right party. CASA 3.
"It's funny ain't had any answer.
WeV while I'm waiting for one I'll do
what nobody in this sketch business
ever did before. I'll sit over here on
his Hals,ed street fauteull and read
The Home Study Circle out OF the Ar
bitter Ze!tunS,"
chair Sound OF fire bells and horses
boofs heard outside. He enters. at the
r,ar door and shoots at her twice. She
scresms)
He-:Excuse me. Myrtle. but is this
.-arrunob N.f. .I9. 1T. -. f. a. az
sbeN"No, sir! How dare your"
Ne-"You must pardon me for shoot
linz at you, lady, but ! thought you were
my wife"
She-"The ideal"
Helm awake. am II, Are my eyes
ppen?"
she-"why, OF course"
Nc-"Wc haven't moved, have we?
Is this the same fat?"
She-'Why. what do YOU mean? I
never saw you before 81
He-"Cone closer. Why. that's so,
your name Isn't Myrtle. is it Gene
yIeve?"
she-"My name is Gertrude"
He-"Well, what do YOU care? Peo-
pie won't know 1t unless you tell them"
She-"And what Is your name, slr?"
He-"s-s-s-t! Can you keep Sc
cT.t?"
shs-"Certalnly."
Ht-"I'm the chief OF police"
she-"Where's your stare"
He-."I had to swallow It awhile ago.
Two men wanted TO take it away from
she-"But thought the chief OF po-
lice had a long mustache."
He-"That vas last week. Yesterday
this here investigating committee got
after me and had n close shave"
(Tuvns f!ip-tiop and falls through a
trap-door. She advances to the foot
lights and slngs.)
(He enters from right wing and turns
and speaks 10 some one In the winss.) 4
He-"What, me? Well. the Idea! I
should say not!'
She-"Whats the matter?"
He-"Why. Phil Armour's out there
and wants me to help him carry a
bushel OF wheat down TO the board OF
trade. He's got toihave It there by noon
0! he loses his S. cents"
SHEA bushel OF wheats too heavy
for one poor old man to carry ~
Ee-"lt'll be Letter when-Oh-h-h!
oh.h-h! Not trader in 'front.'"
She-"Well. did you see the dog?"
He-"Yes. Laura"
she-'Laura"
He-'l beg your pardon. but you have
kind of 4 Laura look You don't look
Gertrude by about seventeen pounds. I
knew girl named Camille once-three
--2rght-six In her Mother Hubbard,
and she carried weight for age. Git
ep.''
shA"Do you think you'll like the
Geg?"
He-"He's mad about something"
She-"What makes you think so?"
He-"He wouldn't speak to me-"
She-"He never speaks to anyone"
Ee-"He must belong 10 all the clubs.
What? Not club man in the gallery"
She-"Hes worth $1,000.
Ee-"Does he know it?"
Sh.-"Does he know it?'
He-"Iebbe that's why he wouldn't
speak TO me-"
she-"Now. If you want this job,
there's one thing you'll have to do
He-"Dor't you dare say It. Does /.
begin with w."
She-"What I mean is that you will
be expected TO have all your teeth pull
ed out" F1I55 - j ~
He-"That's easy"
she-The last man had used to
bite the dog, and Harry and Just made
up our minds that We wouldn't put up
with it, -. -
Cog" : - :.
she-"Harry Is my husband"
He-"oh, only your husband"
she-.Iou have kind face"
He-"Thanks, lady,"
e-Somethlng tells me that you
WI! De Kind 10 the dog"
he-l Will, lady, for once I was a
TaAe myself. Listen! (Sneaky ulusic.)
eHt years ago my father sold my
.,otnsE AuaHls to millinery store for
Is aAc TOOK It out In canned fruit. One
DAY while he was drinking succotash
my Inother came 10 him and asked, him
would he. Without dcigninE TO reply,
ne struck her-but It was no use. She
htooa Tor search. All that night she
%epi:: Tor We could hear the Democrats
ROWING outside. In the morning there
was heavy fall OF Snow, and sirore
wen mat II lived TO see this day
Noulo never repeat what was contained
~ sne letter. Time passed. met you.
ne secret was well guarded. Why did
I HHst you! Because you were good to
S ~, "hen he was sick. Things are
1ine,eht now. and that is why ! meet
: you mere today 10 demand the stolen
VIII. AND yet you doubt me when tell
!vI lhat VIII not bite the dog"
.t hs-l viii believe anything I hear
speak" $50 ''e = . ~ 70
He-"Well. It will probably be true.
oe't!t, tell me- Why Is the Masonic
temple roof garden like cross-eyed boy
uiih8 70 catch 4 Milwaukee avenue
She-"I don't know, I'm sure"
He--"Why, because the microbes IN
nhs south branch have nothing to do
Yin YIN the Municipal Voters league.
lease ,sase. Mr. Judge, Go I get my ticket to
ri nhe- lou get n room 10 yourself,
WIN cushions on the walls"