The Opelousas courier., 1898-08-27
WIT AND HUMO2.
Ip-to-Eate Jokes and Wi!ticisms From tie
Comic Papers

WHEN JOHNNY RETURNS.
When Johnny comes marching'home
again
Well give him a rousing cheer,
And I hope it won't be long till then,
! For things are lonesome here.
When Johnny comes marching home.
hooray
Well all be happy then,
And the gas bills papa has to pay
Viii go bounding up again.
MAKING A MONKEY OF HIM.
He-What is the use of the bridal
veil, anyhow?
She-Why, it prevents the man see.
ing hat the woman is laughing at
him.
o, THE THOUGHT OF IT.
Mrs. Wackum: How did THAI
naughty boy of yours h1ot himself?
Mrs. Snapper: That gspd little boy
of yours hit him on the bead WIZ
brick.
QUITE TAKEN.
$50 Leurella is going to marry that
young dentist. How long has she
known him 2"
''Not so very long; but she says he
made a good impression on her tho
first time she saw him"
TRUE INwARDNEss OF IT.
He-Why, he claims he couldn't
live without his little wife.
She-All of his property is i'll her
name, you know.
AT THEIR WITS END.
He-Rats climb the orange trees in
southern Italy.
She-Good gracious Whist on
earth do the women climb up on?
MIGHT E EVEN.
Defendant Tin a hoarse whispcrI-
Challenge that man. Don't let him
get on the Jury.
Lawyer-Why not He seelas SIS
right.
Defendant-He got acquainted witr
his wife at my house, and he's had 1t
in for me ever since.
FIT ENDING.
Mary Manly-"Polly and Miss
Winters engaged in a sewing match;
they were to make. a dress for a poor
woman"
Nancy Prue-"Hcw did 1T end
Mary Manly-"In a tie
THOUGHTLEsS REfIARK.
IT'S remarkable" commented Nh,
Meekton's wife, show many men are
anxious to leave home and engage in
war"
"Yes," he answered, absently
"Some people never seem to know
when they have enough of anything"
oBEY1NG ORDERS.
The Lady of the House. WHO
broke all these dishes, Annie?
Annie I did, ma'am. Didn't you
tell me when 7 first came, when |
heard the doorbell, to drop every
thing?
HUMAN NATURE.
when a nan asserts that be is jose
as good as anybody else, do you think
he really believes it ?"
"Certainly not. He believes he is
better"
THE CAUSE.
"Did Maud Ethel tell you abous
being unable to get to the party Oh
account of her dressmaker disappoint-
ing her p
"She didn't put it that way. She
said her equipment was not forwarded
in time"
AN ADHESIVE FRIEND.
"When [ go to see Dorothy never
can get away from her"
"Well, Maud, why don't you have
her visit you ?"
s'Then she never goes home"
A GLORIOUS OPPORTUNITY.
Butcher i need a boy about your
size, and will give you five dollars a
week.
Applicant. I have a chance
to rise?
Butcher. Yes; I want you to be
here at four in the morning.
NEGATIVE TESTIMONY.
Jane-What an cratic kind of a
fellow hat Mr.. Softley is. He's a
regular scatterbrain, isn't he 2"
Kittie You can't prove it by me.
He never scattered any of his brains
anywhere in my neighborhood.
EVER THE SAME.
"You never can tell what a woman
will do next"
81 can"
"Well, what?
"Talk."
INFALLIBLE JUST NOW.
Ramsey. ''While walking down the
street the other evening d Spaniard
asked me if I could tell him the quick
est way to the nearest hospital"
Arthur. "What did you tell him o.
Ramsey. II told him to go on the
other side of the street and yell three
cheers for Spain"
AN AUTHORS ALPHA AND OMEGA.
Youthful Writer-How did you start
life ?
Old Writer-With a wealth of
thought.
Y. Wand how are you going to
end it?
O. W.-With a thought of wealth
IN NEED OF ADVICE