The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1898-10-30
carr when countless hidden things were

carr, when countless hidden things were
made clear as l sat- an awe-Struck witness
to my felIoW-passengerS-t No! Get
ting their machinery into running order for
the day would be more correct expression.
We read that in other days tags were
the backbone of the toilet, different gar
ments being held together by their aid
Later, buttons and attendant button holes
were evolved, only to be replaced by the
modern devices use in composing the ma
chine-made man. AS far as my investiga-
lions went (and L have overcome a natural
deLcacy in thus making my discoveries pub
lic because 1t seems unfair to keep all this
information to myself, as far as l could
see, nothing so archaic as a button hole is
employed at the present time by self-re-
speeding Americans. The shirt, for instance,
which was formerly such simple-minded
and straightforward garment, knowing no
gulle, mas become In the hands OF the IN
vcntors, mere pretense. frail scaffold,
on which an elaborate superstructure OF
ShamS is erected.
The varieties of this garment that one sees
in the shop windows, exposing virgin
bOsoms to the day, are not what they seem!
Those very boSOmS are fakes, and cannot
open, being pierced here and there by eye
let's, into which bogus studs are fixed by
machinery. The owner is obliged to enter
into such willy and deceptive garments sur
repitiously from the rear, by stratagem,
as it were. why all this trouble, one
asks, for no apparent reason, except that
the old-fashioned shirts opened in front, and
no Yankee will wear nonpatented gar
ment-if he can help it?''
There was not, as far as / could see, a
single accessory of the toilet in that ear
which behaved in a normal way. buttons
mostly backed into place, tail-end foremost
Qlke horses getting between shafts), some
hidden mechanism screwing or clinching
them to their mOoringS
Collars and cuffs (once integral parts of
the primitive garmenO have become a
must lose themselves. They are double
decked, detachable, reversible, and made of
every known substance except linen. The
cuffs most in favor can be worn four diff
ferenC ways, and are attached to the shirt
by steel instrument three inches long
with a nipper at each emu The amount of
white visible below the coat sleeve is regu-
lated by another contrivance, mostly of
elastic, worn further up the arm, around
the biceps. Modern collars are retained in
position by a system of screws and levers.
Socks are attached no longer with the old
fashioned garter, but by aid of little har-
ness similar to that worn by pug dogs.
A travelling neighbor, after lacing his
shoes. adjusted minute continuance, re-
sembling a black beetle, its mission being
to prevent the knot from coming undone.
He also wore "hygienic suspenders," dis
covery of great Importance lover three
this one necessity of the toiletD The better
class of braces perform several tasks at
the same time, such as holding unmention-
able garments in place, keeping the wearer
erect, and providing night-key guard.
They also cure liver and kidney disease by
means of an arrangement of pulleys which
throw the strain according to the wearer's
position-I omit the rest of their qualities.
The watches of my companions, | noticed
ruffs around their necks. Here curiosity got
the better of discretion, and l asked what
purpose that invention served. It was gra-
ciously explained to me that such ruffS pre-
vented theft, being so made that 1T is i'm
possible to draw your watch out of pocket
unless you know the trick which struck me
as q mitigated blessing. In fact, the idea
kept occurring that life might become ter
ribly uncomfortable under these complex
memories, or for the o; sent minded.
Pencils. I ind, are no longer put into
pockets or slipped behind the ear. Every
commercial gentleman wears patent on
his chest where his pen and pencil nestle in
a coil of wire Eyeglasses are not allowed
to dangle aimlessly about, as of DID, but re-
tire with a snap into an oval metal box,
much roller shades work. Scarfpins have
holders screwed on from behind, and-but
here modesty stops my pen.
Seeing that l was interested in their
makeup. many travelling agents on the
train got out their boxes and showed me all
the latest articles that could be attached 10
the person. One gentleman produced col
lection of rings made to go on the finger
With spring IKE BRACELETS an arrange
convenient for people afflicted with en-
larged joints.
button that worked as many trades as Fig
arc, combining the functions of cravat
holder. stud and scarfpin. Not being sue
brought forward something without
which,. he, assured me. mo gentleman's
wardrobe was complete!" 1t proved to be
which he adjusted on his poor. overworked
collar button, and then tied his cravat
through and around it. mo tie thus made"
he said. would ever slip or get crooked"
He had been so civil that it was embar-
RAISING not to buy something of him. so
invested % cents in the cravat holder. as
1T seemed the least complicated OF the many
patents / had seen, but, not having been
graduated in a school of mechanics, have
never been able TO make II work. 1t takes
an hour to tie a cravat with it's aid, and rs
long to get it united Most of the men. in
that car 1 found, got around that diff
Guilty by wearing ready-made ties which
fastened behind with a clasp.
The witty author of America and the
Americans" says that the reason our COM
patriots have such a strained and anxious
look is because they are all trying to re-
member the number of their streets and
houses, the floor their Office is on and the
combination of their safes. ! am inclined
to think that the hunted look we all wear
comes from an awful fear of forgetting
the tricks of our patents and of being I'M
able to undo ourselves in an emergency!