The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1898-09-30
HE A. U. p. AND THE PRESIDENT.

Congressional Commissioners Is be-
fore us. The Commissioners have no
more to do with the appointment OF
the governor OF a territory than thu
King OF Siam has The committee of
the A. Y. p, however, desired to make
its wants known, and followed the de-
vice OF the country auctioneer, who
tackled his advertisement on the body
Of the hearse, while the mourners
were not looking.
The memorial contains these signih-
cant words:
while we advocate that appoint
ments to Office should be made from
bona fide residents Of the inhabitants
OF Hawaii, yet we believe 1t TO be for
| the best interests OF all inhabitants Of
Hawaii, that the first governor to be
appointed should be one who Is not
bound by any ties, political or other
wise, to any party or class resident In
Hawaii ETC."
These words are really meant for
President McKinley's ear; so we will
presume that delegation of the A. L..
p. goes to Washington, in behalf of
the memorial, and in due course meets
the President, and engages in dia-
logue with him.
Committee reads governorship para
graph of the memorial and smiles
blandly on the President. who looks
dazed and leans against the wall.
| The President-'This Is most eX-
traordinary request, absolutely unprec-
edented in territorial history
Commlttee-"Our condition Is I'M
precedented, Sir"
| The President should say so,
| Since the nation had territories, there
have always been good men in them
| who were bound by party ties, just as
| am and all men are in the country
and these men have always been cap
able of becoming the best territorial
officers. or course, you may be
strapped for decent men OF your own
people. There has been some queer
talk about your incapacity for self
government. Then again, both OF the
great parties insist, without any ex'
ception, that all territorial officers
shall be appointed from the inhab!'
tants of the territory"
| Committee-"Well, Sir, you see
we're a little peculiar out there. We
are under the operation of certain
psychic laws, generated by innate
ideas. as II were, and somewhat mod
fled by climate, which produce certain
automatic phenomena that cause us &c
deviate -"
| lThe President whispers to his pri'
vate secretary: ASK the officer or
duty to send for the asylum van.")
Committee continues ito deviati
from the beaten tracks and resort tc
original measures"
| (The President reads paragraph
again. Il see. gentlemen that you
want for Governor Q. man who knows
nothing about Hawai-; the more ignor-
ant the better he will be. l have just
the man you want. (To the private sec
rotary: Make out ut once a commits
sion for the Cheerful Idiot as Cover
Aor of Hawaii.D
Committee-"While we have not in
dictated what our choice is, we beg
leave -
The President-"Oh! | get glimpse
OF the niger in the fence. You have
a candidate? Why didn't you say SO?
Who? Dolce"
Committee-"No,S Sir! not that mean
backnumber.'
The Presdent-"NotD Dole? Why ne
was here only "A short time ago, and
Frye, and Morgan, and Hit and every
body said you considered him to be a
great man. rather liked him. Why
did you send him here to get in touch
with me-"
Committee-"Oh!S Sir! May God for
give MS for practicing that deceit upon
you. In the manual Of politics edited
| by Mr.. Richard Croker, and which we
study daily in the Paradise of the Pa
cifc, it says: In no case will the wise
politician permit his practice to agree
with his professions. We try to fol-
'w good man. Dear Mr.. President!
spare us! The iron heel of the Family
Compact is on our necks You only can
free u.s."
The President-"Well, my friends
when you can't find a man of your own
people for Governor, think the Cheer.
full Idiot is just what you want. He
is, II you will allow me to say 1t, q
representative man so far as you are
concerned. i think l will send out his
cousin Blasted idiot, Esq, as Secretary
OF the Territory, and his brother Hope.
less Idiot, Esq, as Attorney General
| try to be accommodating. Thank
you, gentleman, for coming SO far
by the way, how many people do yo,
represent"