The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-03-15
FLASHES OF FUN.

When n woman runs II is a mean
man who viii use his camera.-Somer-
file Journal.
She-"Why is 1t called the silver
noonT" He-"Because 1t comes In
halves and. quarters. suppose. Chi
.ago News.
Doubtful.-Spendley- IL my
money should go, dearest, you'd still
have mel! Mrs. Spendley-"Don't you
be too sure about thatw-Puck.
Walter-"Did Uncle Jack see Santa
Claus last night?" Carolyn guess
90. They say he saw almost every
thing one could imaglne."-Yellow
Book.
What Kept Him.-"What kept you in
The South so longT 81 was trying TO
negotiate raise" what, money!"
No. quarantine."-C Plain
Dealer
He told me to get off the earth
What do you suppose he meant?" He
seemed to think that you needed
bath, evidently" -Loulsville Courier
Journal.
You may fetter my body" he shout
ed, but my mind will wear no chain"
In other words, the wheel in his head
was of the '9S pattern.-Indianapol
Journal.
Sloper (as Miss Eastlake, his intend.
ed, finishes a solo)-"what n voice.
Duncan (who has been rejected by Miss
Eastlake)-"Yes, what a voicew-IIar.
lem Life.
Matilda-"Have you spoken to papa?"
Berte-"fes; / asked him through the
telephone and he answers: Il don't
know who you are, but It's all right"
-Pick-Me-Up.
Raggs-"Say, do you believe that
egg" Jaggs-"Well, 1t would be Just
like goose to do such foolish thing"
Chicago News.
Not Necessarily Billler
rents that forty-dollar-a- month house
OF yours, does he? He pays too much
rent" Landlord (sighing)-"You don't
know him."-Puck.
north of England paper says: 1--WE
have adopted the eight-hour system in
this office. We commence work mt s
o'clock In the morning and close at 8
in the evening."-Tit-Bits.
Bride - Counting your change
George? 1t has been an expensive
trip, hasn't itT' George-"That's right.
1t looks as If this honeymoon would
SOON be on its last quarter" Puck.
"She has a great deal of curiosity"
remarked Willie Washington. Yes"
replied Miss Cayenne at Is something
extraordinary. She even orcns some
CT the fancy-covered magazines to see
what Is Observation-Disclosures Star.
Mrs. G.-"My dear, when will Won
learn TO take your hat off in the eleva.~
tor when your are with meY' Mr.. c.
When you learn to take yours off in
the theater when you ere with me, my
dear."-Cincinnati Commercial Trib-
une.
rs he a novelist| asked one young
woman, as she picked up Photograph.
No, indeed replied the other, with
enthusiasm. He's no novelist: he's
y story writer. You can understand
and enjoy everything he does. Wash
ington Star.
L am told remarked Miss Cayenne.
that YOU said some very clever things
last evening" Yes" replied Willie
Washington; st is very discouraging.
What is?' The surprised manner in
which everybody is talking about it,
Washington Star.
A Slight Inverslon.-"There is some
mistake" said the returned Klondiker
rs he crawled from the box car. about
tie fabulous amount of gold in Alaska.
AS 10 there being an amount of fabu
lous gold--well, that is differcnt."-C
cinnati Enquirer.
Have you completed your plan for
Fastening the business of the United
States Senator Partly" replied the
newly elected Senator 81 have pre-.
pared n speech on the subject which
IL will take me three days to deliver
Washington Star.
Bill Yale-"That man Williams never
lost his head in n football game yet
did hep jim COrnell-"No. I think
not. He's lost an ear, part of his nose
eight teeth-but l do not remember
ever hearing of him losing his head
Ionkers Statesman.
Bill-"Where've you been? Jill
Down to the Doctors" "I'H bet he
told you to go South" mo, | didn't
90 to consult him! l went to collect
bill" "Oh, well, in that case 1t was
probably not the South where he told
you to go.'-Yonkers Statesman.
Uncle George-"So you think Mr.
Caxton Is a literary mann Carrie
ooh, I'm sure of it. When he wants
t. find anything in n book he wastes
half an hour hunting for 1t before he
thinks to look at the index"
That Everlasting Irritating Itch.