Mesa free press., 1898-12-09

man take for a scOlding wifeY She
''Why, elixir"-Judy.
Biggs-"rm all broken M" Dicgs-
"Then 1t is about time you mended
your ways" Harlem Life.
Mr.. Dornick-"They say Gilfoyle
drinks" Mr.. Freestone-"Well, his
nose lends color to the report."--Town
Topics.
This" said the brakeman, as he
coupled the coal-car to the locomotive,
'ts what call tender attachment
Exchange.
Ella-"I found q man under my bed
last night" Stella-"Well, all things
come to those who wait."-New York
Journal.
The tenderfoot-Was it a shooting
scrape? The terror-Yep! Thet barber
used dull razor on Bill jest oncet too
often.-Judge.
"Your husband Is so amiable." "Yes,
he acts that way in public, so people
will think the baby takes after me-
Chicago Record.
Johnnie, the stork has just brought
little sister. Wouldn't you like to see
herr" Nav; I'd ruther see the stork."
Boston Beacon.
"You can always Judge man by the
company he keeps" 'Thats pretty
tough on the warden Of the peniten-
tiary. ."-Detroit Free Press.
II see that the dispatches spell Man
la with. but one IL 'That must be be-
cause Admiral Dewey knocked i out
Of it."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He-"T understand the government Is
to rebuild the Maine." She-'I wonder
what they will call it?' He-"Why,
Remain, of course" Cornell Widow.
''What are you going to be when you
grow up, Tommy" asked the visitor.
II think" said Tommy, thoughtfully,
shat shall be somebody's ancestor"
Bazaar.
Not in Boston: "Now, Bobbie," said
the teacher in the natural history class,
"what is a pantherY' "A man that
makth panth," lisped Bobbie.-Boston
Traveller
Flo-"Do you love me, sweets" Will
Dearly" Flo-"Would you die for
me?" "Will-"No, my precious girl;
mine Is an undying loye."-Philadel-
phia Call.
Sometimes some one of the fair sex
admits that she is a new woman"
.Was there one ever found who admit
ted that she was an old Prince
ton Tiger.
Tramp-"Wot! Didn't ye never hear
O. me, de human rat-trap? Well, you
git me a hunk o. cheese, an it'll only
cost yea dime to watch me settin' me-
self."-Harpers Bazaar.
The Bachelor-"Nero killed thou
sands Just to hear the death-rattle in
their throats" The Benedict (extnu-
Htingly)-"Maybe he had baby to
New York Journal.
Lady-"Now that you have partaken
Of good dinner, are you equal to the
task Of saving some woodY' Tramp
Madam, equal is not the proper word;
I'm superior to it."-Chicago News.
"How did Kaken, the hypnotist, get
along on his last trip" "First rate,
until he tried the impossible. He hyp-
Noticed a tramp one day, and tried to
make him saw wood."-Brooklyn Life.
Minnie-What frauds these beggars
are! I met a blind man who said:
<vix II
lady" Mamie-Yes; he said that to
make you think he really was blind
indianapolis Journal.
Dumley-How much do you ask for
that piece of land? Robinson-I'll sell
1t to you for mere song. Dumley-
To the tune Of? Robinson-Five
thousand dollars. Dumley-Oh! one
Of Melba's songs.-Judge.
''How did the surprise party at the
Cawkers' turn out? Was it genuine
surprise?' Indeed it was. Somebody
had given the Cawkers q hint, and
when we got there the house was dark
and there wasn't soul at home."-
Bazaar.
Farmer Swett-Y You say you belong to
the army Of the unemployed? Well,
now, my friend, guess I kin give you
something of a job today. Toyle Knott
What! An have me be a deserter
from de army? Ye don't know military
ethics, do ye?-Puck.
Richard" asked the teacher, what
was the message General Sheridan
sent to General Early before the battle
took placer "He said," replied the
big boy with the bad eye, Go, Early,
and avoid the rush." And merely for
this she kept him in after school.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
'Ts It far from here to the next
town. asked q tourist of native of
the soil in the backwoods Of Missouri.
"Well, 1t amt so very fer nor 1t amt so
very nigh, and yit 1t amt as nigh as 1t
might be If 1t want so fer as 1t Is.
Still. it'd be ferther If 1t want so nigh,
so l reckon one might say 1t was be-
far ni0h