The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-03-22
FLASHES OF FIN.
He wrote his first poem at seven;
AT thirty he published q book
NOT roefrv-ha had yot xv;edo,,

He wrote his first poem Mt seven;
AT thirty he published book
Not poetry-he had got wisdom
A volume on Aids to the Cook"
philadelphia North American.
A Juvenile Logician-Ma. is there any
pie left in the pantryY' There is one
piece, but you can't have It." "You are
mistaken, ma. I've had it."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
We've got to economize," said Nj.
Gargoyle to his wife. Every well, dear"
replied the good woman, cheerfully.
you shave yourself and I'll cut your
hair."-Harlem Life.
She-Did you see that bird OF para
disc on Mrs. Styles hat at the theater
last night? He-That wasn't what the
fellow who sat behind her called it,
Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Passay-Everybod says my
daughter got her beauty from me.
What do you say to that? Mr.. Wits
Well, think 1t was very unkind OF her
to take it from you.-Up to Date.
"One 'er de troubles bout dlshere
life." said Uncle Eben, as dat by de
time man hab a realizin' sense dat he
orter learn sumpin', he feels like he's
too old ter staht n."-washington star
Mr.. Happy is the country that
has no history"-do you understan
that, Tommy? TOMMY guess II
means the kids are happy. cause they
don't have to study it.-Indlanapolis
Journal.
Bostonian-Is this friend thar rou
wish to bring to dinner much OF I.
raconteur? Chicago Man-Bla med n 1
know; but. say, you'll die laughln' IL we
get him TO tellin' stories. cleveland
Leader.
Willis-Parkers salary was doubled
n short time ago, so / hear. Wallace
Yes. 1t was; but II got him ~ lots of
trouble. Willis-How's TINT? Wal
lace-His wife foun1 1t out.-Town
Topics.
Hungry Higgins-What do you think
O. this here football, anyway? Weary
Watkins-There is something in 1t call
ed n rush line, amt they? "Yaas"
We'll that amt my line.
lis Journal.
Deacon Hamby-We're going to have
q reformed prizehghter talk at the tenn
perance meeting Thursday night The
Deacon's Son-How is 1t possible that
he can be reformed ifihe still talks?-
Chicago News.
Il get tired writing jokes lay after
day" said the amateur humo.ist.
Don't you care" replied his friend con.
sollngly. Think how tired the people
are who read them.'ePhiladep
North American.
az asked the Young Awoman in front
OF me to remove her big hat, so could
see the stage" Did she do it? NO;
she said II she held her hat in her lap
she couldn't see the stage herself.
Chicago Record.
Sometimes" said Uncle Ebeu, "dar
wouldn't be so much objection to q
man habbin' his own opinion eff he
didn't persist in goin' atoun' an tryin'
ter glib ebherybody else,a clear title to
t."-Washlngton Star.
Great men," remarked the thought
full youth, ARE frequently misunder.
stood by the pubic" That" replied
Senator Sorghum. gravely, as very
true. And mighty lucky 1t Is for some
of them. "-Washihgton Star.
Jay Green (sor1rly)-If them people
don't do different about 1t, blamed II
IN go to the paSty tomorrow night.
Josh Medders-What do you want 'em
to do in order to get you to go? Jay
Green-Invite ne.-Boston Traveller.
You mean to tell. me that you don't
think football ought to be sup
pressed? Just look how many get
manned and killed in the game" 1T
doesn't main and kill anybody except
football playersY'-Cincinnat En-
quirer.
81 won't submit to being turned
away" said the disappointed arrival
at the hotel "See here-Im flush" And
he displayed n roll of bills. 81 know"
responded the clerk; but I've got q
full house" -PhiladeIphia North Amer
lean.
Old Gentleman debating indignant
letter)-"Sir: My stenographer, being
lady, cannot take down what think
of you. /, being a gentleman. cannot
think II; but you, being neither, can
easily guess my thoughts. "-Brooklyn
Life.
Different Point of Vlew.-"well.
what's the use of arguing?" said the
sbiftless individual; talk is cheap"
my dear sir" said the taxpayer, did
you never take into consideration the
actual cost of n session of Congress?'
.-Chinn GO Nnurs