Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1898-07-09
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today. Mrs. Kirby-I thought you men
didn't believe In bargain days.-Truth.
Giles-1 Just heard that Hawkins re.
ferred to me rs perfect idiot. Smiles
Oh. don't mind what Hawkins says; he
always exaggeratcs more or less.--C Chi.
cago News.
Citizen-Unless my eyes deceive me,
you are the party I gave ten cents to
yesterday. Bcggar-l am, sir. Did you
think dime would make new man Of
me ?-Truth.
"Of course" observed the thin wheel.
man. "water won't run up hill"
"well." replied the fat whcelman. who
was still putting and blowing, II don't
blame it."-Puck.
Briggs-was the Boston girl pleased
when you proposed? Griggs--1mmense
ly. She said that In twenty minutes
straight talk didn't make one gram.
NAUTICAL error.-Life.
Millie-why do you never speak to
Mr.. MARBLES now? lie Is uncouth. but
feel sure lie Is diamond In the rough.
Clnrn-SO do I. That's why I'm cut.
ting him.--Boston Globe.
Hc-Have you heard of this new cure
for nervous prostration? The patient
Is not allowed to talk. Shield just N
soon die from prostration as exaspcra.
tion.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Hlram-Hurry up, Mandy, an sit
away from this buildin'. Mandy
what's yer hurry, Hit Hiram (chuck.
ling)-Thc Teller In the elevator forgot
to collect our fares.-Truth.
George. dear, you remember that
lovely siiebonrd that was % cheapf
Well. I've discovered a plan to make
room for It," 'How. my dcarT' by
taking n larger flat."-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Quivcrful--Do you know. dear.
that think the baby sometimes cries
In her sleep? Mr.. Quivcrful (savagely)
Il don't know about that, but know
she often cries In mine.-Pick. Me.Up.
Applicntion.-"I nm very much afraid
that our friend Mr.. Frittcrs lacks ap.
plication," remarked the business man.
, mot ut all," replied the friend. HE
: applies to me for loan once week
regularly. "-Washington Star.
Excited Lady lat telephone)-I want
my husband, please, ut once. Voice
(from the NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., please?
Excited Lady (snapplshly)-Only the
fourth. you impudent thIng.--Boston
Globe.
scorcher-Thcy shy that It has bad
; effect on the brain to ride with your
head down between the handle.bars.
sprockct-Don't you believe word Of
II. The men who ride that way
haven't any brain to be affected Bos.
ton Transcript.
A young Englishman, being asked ut
dinner whether he would have some
bird's.ncst pudding. said to the hostess;
"Ah, yes: birds nest pudding. And
what kind OF bird may have made itT'
"Oh, Il was the coOk.cOo made IT," was
the prompt reply.
"You are advertising quite early ID
the year." said the summer.rcsort land
lords friend. Eyes; l always fix up
my announcements Mt this time Of year
You see. l nm thoroughly conscien'
t,ous man, and I wish to be able To
state that there IRE no mosquitoes.
Washington Star.
Miss Homewood- Charley Brushton
told me that I was looking pretty this
morning. Miss Point Breeze-That ISM
J. what he told mo he said to You. "Wha'
u did he say?" "He said he told you tina,
y you were looking as pretty Us ever
!. Pittsburg Chronicle.
The Judge--I believe ! shall leave II
. to you this time. About how many
y y days do you think ought to give you
Perry Patett!c-HOnest, your honor,
don't just know. DO you think 1t II
goin' to be an early spring or lat
r One?-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Wayworn WatsOn-Here Ia ono o.
u these story writer's who says In the pm
i pers that genius Ia nothing but hart
J. work. Perry Patettic--Nothin' but hare
. work? And to think that used I,
u have a great respect for them feller'
:" who could write!-C!ncinnati Enquirer
=. II understand that you have beef
q called to another charge" said the In
r. | terviewer. NO" said the minister
"a who had been struggling along mt thu
a tail end Of the little church debt, 'b!
=. the blessing Of Providence this Is casl
~ situation that take."-Indianapol!
II Journal.
It 1t Would BE C0stly.--He watched tn,
d pOmpOus man getting measured for
10 suit of clothes. TITS an eXcellen
= thing" he said at last, shat man
egotism Is not included In the measure
It ments. or some people would 80 brok'
10 paying for one suit."-Chicago Evening
IT Post.
J. Il would go with you to the end o
y the EARTH" he asserted passiOnately
It "Not with me you wouldn't" she re
- piled, coldly. "Why nOtY he demand
IL ed. "FOr two reasons" she answered
O. "One Is that I'm not going away, ant
u the other IL that there isn't any.
- When one meets the prOsaic new Won
u an one has to be careful what he says
10 -Tit-Blts.
Mrs. Fadde, faith curist-HOw
your grandfather this morning. Brldl
It ct? "He still has the rheumatics might
O. bad, num-" "You mean he thinks h
= has the Rheumatism. There IL no sue
thing as rheumatism" "Yes, mum.
A few days later: "And does you
grandfather still persist In his delusO