The record-union., 1898-08-22

made at Sacramento. I'm with you
against bossism. It's the canker OF our
political life. A very dear friend OF
mine, Mr.. Croker of New York, shares
my sentiments. You know that l pc
long to his club. Used to hang around
there a good deal. You and l are good
Democrats, both against the bosses.
Shake on that.
My friend Croker hates William Jen-
nings Bryan. Says so openly and sent
the Tammany delegation to Chicago 10
defeat him, though it didn't. The blow
nearly killed poor Croker. He thought
New York was the boiler Of the whole
works. Dicks a noble fellow. We were
very thick in New York. Great man
Croker. Yes, Mr. Harney, you and will
work against the bosses. Recall me
kindly to Mr.. Rainey. He's a farmer
and I'm the farmers friend. Do you
think that Rainey will turn Popunst
since McNab defeated him? I'm Pop
list, you know. In fact, I'm several
things. Good morning.
Gold Democrat, sir? Let me con-
graduate you on your survival I'm
Gold Democrat, too. Belong to Crokers 3
gold club in New York. Dead against
silver and Bryan. Was just explaining
my position to Major Harney-an ex-
cellent man, by the way. Boy, show the
next man in.
We'll, well, we'll! An old-line Demo-
crat. Bryan, free silver, no fusion and
all that. Sir, you are man after my
own heart. I was for Bryan, hot and
heavy in 1896 All, but he's the man
for the Presidency. Bright boy, hand
some youth, general favorite-like my
self No, I dom like this fusion, but
what can a man do? The convention
! took the matter out of my hands. You
know that I detest Populists, farmers
and such. I spoke against the Peoples
party in 1894. Populists and farmers
are good to vote and pay taxes. We
must humor them, poor souls. My po-
sition on the income tax? You say that
I was for the tax in 1896 and against
the tax in 1895. Clearly you have been
studying my record. Beautiful subject
of research. Leads you through such
varied paths, up, down, sideways, criss.
cross.
MY position on the income tax is just
| this. I am for it and yet I may say
| that I am against it. I am in favor of
| the income tax, and at the same time I
| believe in single tax. I may say that
the income tax is good and yet in a
| sense it is bad. Every tax Is bad. /
| don't believe there ought to be any tax
es. Yet I am firmly convinced that
the income tax ought to be laid. Ger
| tainly in a sense it is wrong. It Is also
right in a sense. Now you know my po-
sition on the subject. I'm sure l couldn't
make it clearer.
| "Ah, the Democratic platform. It's
great. Same Of the Populist platform.
Same of single tax Same Of the gold
standard. Same of free silver. Same
Of Me. Very glad to have met you, sir.
Study my record. It's great mental ex-
ercise. Boy, show the gentleman to the
door. Tell everybody else I'm OUT
The Little Giant leaned back in his
chair He was tired, but satisfied with
himself. He soliloquized:
THE more l see of my record the
more I admire myself It's patent, ad-
Unstable, fits every case, every man,
every platform, every policy. The only
thing I'm sorry for (as a matter Of
| policy, is my book against the Pope
The Irish won't forget that more's the
| pity. Suppose a lot of Irish organizes
tons should decide to make me publicly
take back what I said in that book
bring me to Canossa, as it were What
should I do? Without the Irish vote /
| can't get elected; yet it would go hard
to eat my words. Lucky for me I've
| been in training, swallowing platforms
| that don't agree with me or with one
another. My political digestion is in
destructible. What fare I've gulped
down! Populist, Republican, Demo-
| crat, Single Tax, all crammed down
my throat, and never groan from me.
No wonder they call me the Little
Giant. I have the digestive capacity
of an ogre.
'Ha, ha, ha. It's a gay life. What
a shopkeeper I'd make. Here's wares
to sell! here's wares to SELL What will
you have, sir, in the line Of opinions? ]
can show you both sides and the middle
Of every political issue. My career was
cut on the bias. This is the political
| emporium 1 keep everything. Have
| a record in the basement What you
don't see ask for. There's piles of stuff
| in the refrigerator where my record is.
Come one, come all. I aim to please;
have just what you want. Come to
Maguire's bargain counter. See the
great record, the only one Of it's kind
in existencei See Mcguire. See the Re-
| publican Democrat Populist Single.
Taxer Ha, ha, ha!
''Shopkeeper, said T? Perish the
thought. I'm running a circus. Four
rings four simultaneous performances!
Rep. Pop, Single Tax. What a show for
the money!
Great attraction. Mcguire, The
Contortionist, Looks Four Ways at the
Same Time! The Only Human Cork:
screw! Watch Mcguire Swallow Plat
| forms. Takes Them at One Gulp
Finds the Diet Fattening. Greatest
Show on Earth. For Particulars See
| Handbills!
Yes, the circus is my line. Barnum
| thou reasonest well. The public likes
to be humbugged. Time for dinner!
| Ha! hal ha!'
| Free Silver at Angelo