The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1898-06-19

hold Stakes. The Money being deposited
the gentleman began with. 1 believe in
GOD, and so went cleverly thro' the Greed.
well, said the other. 1 own I have lost.
alo not think you could have done 1t.
Of CATO the Censor being ask'd, how 1t
came 10 pass, that he had no Statue erected
Ior MN, who had so well deserved of the
common Wealth? 1 had rather. said he
pave TINS question asked, than why 1 had
one.
The last would hardly be regarded rs a
jest nowadays, but it is a good reply.
There IS no doubt that the ill-nature5
person incapable of testing, who accuses
others of borrowing from Joe Miller is oc-
cdslonally justified. Some of the Jokes in
inns DOCK are certainly still afioat. though
the number of familiar ones which il con-
tains Is surprisingly small. Here is one,
TOR instance, which looks decidedly like a
variant OF story often told of Col Tom
Ochiltree:
10. Lord R having lost about fifty
Fistoles, one Night at the Gamng-Table
IN Dublin, some Friends condolng with
MN upon his i'll Luck, Faith. said he. I
am very well pleas'd at what I have done
Tor have bit them. by C. there Is not
one Pistole that don't lack Six-Peuce of
Weight
And here is jest from the ancient
Greek which was indeed in need of an
asylum when it found one in this book:
a. Gentleman having lent a Guinea
Tor TWO or three Days, to a Person whose
Promises he had not much Faith in. was
very much surprised to find he very pune
tually kept his Word with him: the same
gentleman being some time after DESTROYS
OF borrowing the like Sub, No, said the
other, you have deceived me once and I
am resolved you shan't do it a second
Time.
story much like the following has been
told OF late years. with an addition intend
ed TO show the slowness of an English
man, in seeing the point of a joke:
A. An Irish Lawyer of the Temple, hav-
ing occasion to go to Dinner left these
Directions written, and put in the Key
Hole OF his Chamber-Door 1 am gone to
the Elephant and Castle, where you shall
find me; and if you can't read this Note,
carry 1t down to the Stationer's, and he
will ready it for you.
And here is one which has since been
attributed to Sydney Smith:
81. The same Gentleman as he had the,
Character ola great Punster who desired
one Night in Company, by a Gentleman
TO make a Pun eXtempore, upon what
Subject, said Daniel the King answered
the other, the King, Sir, said he, is no
Subject
And the following has probably been told
of every Irish regiment that was ever IN
any army:
1O9 A Lieutenant Colonel of one of the
Irish Regiments, in the French service,
being dispatched by the Duke of Berwick,
from Fort Kehl, to the King of France
with a Complaint, relating TO some Irergu-
larities, that had happened in the Regi-
ment; His Maiesty with some Emotion
of Mind, told him, That the Irish Troops
gave him more Uneasiness than ali his
Forces besides. Sir (says the OfficeD an
your Majesty's Enemies make the same
complaint
No doubt you have read Mark Twain
and have laughed at Pudd-nhead Wilson's
desire to own half of certain dog, so
that he might kill his half, and the lasting
mystificatiOn of the neighbors at the re-
mark, in which they could see neither
sense nor nonsense. But what do you
think of this?
2O2. A humorous Countryman, having
bought a Barn, in Partnership with a
Neighbor of his, neglected to make the
least Use of it, whilst the other mad plen-
tifully store his Part with Corn and Hay;
In little Time, the latter came to him,
and conscientiously expostulatel with him
upon laying out his Money so fruitlessly;
Pray, Neighbour says he, ne'er trouble your
Head, you may do what you will with
your part of the Barn, but I'll set mine
O. Fire
The last story in the book may well be
added to the collection of tales of the
meanest man in the world:
PAT. A worthy old Gentleman in the Coun-
try, having employd an Attorney, of
whom he had a pretty good Opinion. to do
some Law Business for him in London, he
was greatly surprized on his coming to
Town, and demanding his Bill of Law
Charges to find that it amounted TO at
least three Times the Sum ne expected;
IL Az .
there was no Article in his Bill, but what
was fair and reasonable: Nay, said the
Country Gentleman, here is one of them
l am sure cannot be so, for you have set
down three Shillings and four Pence for
going 10 Southwark, when none of my
Business lay that Way; pray what is the
Meaning, of that Sir; oh! Sir, said he, that
was for fetching the Chine and Turkey
from the Carriers, that you sent me for a
Present ont of the Country