The age-herald., 1898-08-21
s FEMININE CHARACTER. 5
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 People who go through life with their eyes wide open see some strage sights at timeS., There is not only food in plenty for the philosopher, but only too much
 encouragement for the cynical, and let us be thankful-fun in abundance for the humorously inclined. Thank a kind Providence for the funny side of things!
 It is like the touch of syrup in a lemon
 phosphate. It makes life palatable.
 It would be hard to say which has the greater capacity for being funny-uncon- sciously funny-man or woman. Doubtless woman, for when she's good she's better, and when she's mean she's meaner than any man could ever dream of being. She | seems to have greater capacities all along l the line of giadness, meanness and fun | niness than man has. But this is because | she is a more emotional creature, rising at | times to greater heights than man and at | other times when he least expects it, dis | appointing him grievously. One of the most popular songs in recent operauc 1 success has for its chorus, "Woman. love l ly woman, since first the world began, you's made double the share of trouble, for | poor, unfortunate man. Of course this l is sung by whom the sentiment | sits naturally, his first grandfather, Adam, 1 having set the pace by his amiable explain | ation, "1t was the woman" It is true i Adam had been a bachelor some time be- | fore God made Eve. and he was natural | ly little soured, but it is too bad that by l this ungalant remark he% should have es- l tablished such unfortunate precedent | for so many generations of men!
 | But there is no doubt that women do
 funny things some times, things about ] which it is useless to reason. Ask the 1 women themselves why they do them and
 they will look at you with round eyes of | surprise and displeasure and say, Why, | because-'' and you will feel what brute | you were to ask such a question and be | thoroughly ashamed of yourself, quite as
 you should, sir. For instance, you cannot ] understand why a woman will buy yards ] and yards of trimming at 49 cents that she would not touch at 50 cents. Do you won i der when you ask for an explanation of | thing of this kind that she fixes you | with an eye of scorn, and says, Why, be- | cause" Being the construction of | your mind does not fit you to readily com | prehend these things. Being woman and
 possessing more less of the angelic in | her makeup, she is determined to spend | your money some other mans money | to the very best possible advantage. She | is after bargains. The merchants know | this and instead of charging the exhorbi- | tant price of 50 cents and dollar for ] goods really not worth that much they | put them down to 49 and 99 cents, and they | go off like hot cakes. Even if she has no
 need for an article a woman never minds | buying it if she can get it for 49 or a9 | cents There is always the possibility that | she may need it some time in the future 1 If she does it will be a great comfort to
 her to think how cheap she got it. If she
 does not, it did not cost much anyway.
 It is strange men cannot understand any, | thing so plain as this.
 l It may not be known to many men, and
 It is proverbial that an ostrich when pur- | delicacy of treatment, that in addition to | their own hair some women wear articles
 designated as switches" A switch, at | the time of wearing greatly increases the | quantity of hair on ones head and to ia- | dies of advanced years and to those whom | sickness has for a time bereft of their
 natural locks, it is the right thing in the | right place. How a young woman not | afflicted with actual badness, however | can take pleasure in wearing such an un- | canny article, is one of the mysteries of
 the feminine character Certainly the feel
 ings of a young husband when he hrst
 observes his beloved remove from her
 head the glorious locks which he had | fondly believed to be her own and calmly lay them on the dressing table, must be in-
 describable. He must feel then and there | that marriage is a failure. He lives to
 learn in most cases that her heart Is true ! if her locks are false but for the time be- 1 ing at least he must feel that the bloom 1 is off the peach. Better ones own locks, | however meager, than some one else's, | however luxuriant.
 l But this Is a free country and if wo- | men, for reasons which they no doubt con- | slider excellent, wish to wear switches, 1t
 is after all nobody's business but their | own: but if they are going to wear them l at all there should be a law passed com- l polling them to wear them all the time. | It is proverbial that an ostrick when pur- l sued, having an instinct to hide, and find l ing the natural features of desert Ill., ' fitted for the effacing of oneself, burfes
 his head in the sand and fondly believes | because he cannot see himself no one else | can see him. Some women seem to reel | the same way about their back hair, for l sometimes they appear with a large ana 1 most elaborate coiffure and soon after, no l doubt having dressed in a hurry, with
 quite a modest coil, resembling it's prede-
 cessor in no way except In color DO they l think that people do not see! Has not
 the world eyes? Yes, and the world has
 tongue which it wags most gayly at the l expense of people who make themselves | absurd.
 It is funny to see woman wearing her
 first silk lined gown. She holds her | shoulders straighter, her head higher, and
 carries herself with more regal air than
 ever in her life before No one can blame
 her. for there is something highly in-
 spiring in a silk lined gown. The elauon
 1t produces is another thing the masculine
 intellect can never hope to understand. It
 induces seIf-respect There isi something
 so thoroughly nice about 1t. It places one
 on a pinnacle from which cotton cambric,
 percaline and such things can only be re- l garded with scorn. It is perfectly natural
 and entirely feminine for women to delight
 in anything so dainty and up-to-date. But l isn't 1t too funny for anything to observe | the queer little ways by which woman
 will contriye to let the presence of that
 silk lining be known. o, how she rus-
 ties! And when she crosses the street she | lifts her dress carefully aud somehow
 bit Of that lining shows: and when she | seats herself quite carelessly her skirt
 folds over at the bottom, and there is a
 glimpse of a silk ruffie. The world must l know that she knows that taffeta silk | costs so much a yard, and yet it forms the ] lining of her gown.
 It is funny to hear men philosop1dze over l the queer ways Of women. They try to
 analyze the feminine character. No wo- | man ever tries to. She knows better You
 can analyze in a wey everything else on
 the face Of the globe. but the ways Of wo-