The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1898-09-21
PHILOSOPHER DOOLEY.
He Considers Arnychists, and Says 1t
Is Useless to Pray Against Them.

He Considers Arnychists, and Says 1t
Is Useless to Pray Against Them.
Finley P. Dunno, in Chicago Journal.
IT'S hazard bein' King these days"
throne wishes his father'd brought him up
cooper What with wages bein docked be
parlymints an ragin' arnychists, r-runnin'
wild with dnnymte bombs undher their
arms an carvin' knives in their pockets,
'onaisy, as Hogan says, is tn head that
wears a crowen. They'se other heads
that're onaisy too, but we don't hear iv
thin. But a man grows up in wan iv
thin furrin' countries and he's thrained
FIR dOoce or a jack at tn most, but he
has to follow tn same line his father.
IT'S like pawnbrokin that way. Ye niver
heerd iv pawnbroker's son dom amy
thing else. Wanst a king always king.
Other mems sons may pack away shirt
on an Sc 1ue Or adn "a
bankers up to shell game. But a man
that's headed FIR throne can't r-run away.
'sWhin he goes on watch he's cinched.
He can't ask FIR his time at tn end Nv tn
he sve tn oTdher e out H.
polls to subjoo himsilf. He can't go to tn
boss an say; Me so hours is too long an
check He has no boss.
"A man can't be indipindint onless he has
boss, It's thrue. So he takes tn place,
an tn chances ARE he knows no more
about r-runnin' a country thin / know
about ladin' an orchesthry. An if he don't
do anything he's dummy, an, If he does
do anything he's crazy, an whin he dies
his foreman says: Sure, tbs tn divvle' S
own time 1 had savin' that basthoon firm
poor thingd have closed down tn wurruks
an gone to tn farm long ago. An wan
day whin he's takin' tn air, praps, along
king :" ~ e''''' 90 - rNo ~ % : - 9
:. That's my name, says his majesty.
Bother dead, says tn Eyetalyan, an
a mi rna
over tn long r-road.
Il don't know much about Arnychists.
polismen mostly. Mebbe that's because
polismens tn nearest things to kings they
cud find. But anyhow, | sometimes think
| know why they're Arnychists somewhere
an why they amt in other places 1t ray
minds me Nv what happened wanSt in me
cousin Terences family. They was Twin
down near Haley's slough in wan Nv oil
Dohertys houses, not Doherty that We
know tn Jiner, good man whin he don't
d OH No twas an old crouch ~ man
to keep tive-day notices in his thrunk an
owned his own privit jistice iv tn peace.
Me cousin Terence was as dacint man
as liver shoed hor-rse an his wife was a
good woman. too, though I niver took
much to tn Dolans. Firm Tipperary they
was, an too handy THROWN things at We.
An he had nice family CROWN up. an
| niver knowed people that lived together
more quite an amyable. Twas good FIR TO
see thin settin' ar-round tn parlor. Ter
ence spellin' out tn newspaper an his good
woman mendin' socks an Honoria playin'
tn Vale iv Avoca' on tn pianny. an the
kids r-rowlin on tn fiure.
But wan day it happened that that
whole family begun to rasp wan an
other. Honoria'd set down at tn pianny
an tn oil man'd growl. FIR tn love Nv tn
saints, close down that hurdy-gurdy an
lave a man injye his headache. An tn
good woman scolded Terence an tn kids
pulled tn leg firm undher tn stove, an
whin tn big boy Mike come home firm
Omaha he found none " thin speakin' TO
tn others He .cud do nawthin'. an he whit
FIR Father Kelly.
Father Kelly shifted tn air whin he
come in, an says he. Terrence, what's tn
mather with ye'er cath basin?'
a. I dinnaw.' growled Terence.
well says Father Kelly, we put on
ye'er hat this minyit an go out fr a
plumber. he says. I'm not needed. he
says. sYe'er sowls ar-re all Fright he
says, hut ye'er system ARE out of ordher,
he says. Fetch in a plumber, he says.
whilst I goes down to Doherty an make
him think his lease on tn hereafter is de-
fective. he says.
"Ye'er fright" said Mr.. Hennessy, who
had followed the argument dimly.
Nv coorse I'm fright" said Mr.. Dooley.
What they need over there In furrin' coun-
thries Is a plumber. It's no good prayin
agan arnychists. Hinnissy Arnychists is
! sewer gas