The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-09-14
NHUMoR OF THE DAY.

'My dear young lady, do you ever
think of marrying?" "Thinkl why,
1 worry!"-Life.
She-'"The face is an index of the
mind" He-'Then your mind must
be made up" indianapolis Journal.
"How did you feel when you were
we'll out to sea?" 81 wasn't we'll
when was out to sea. indianapolis
Journal.
Johnny-"Say, pop, did you ever
wish you had lots of boys?" Papa
eyes, my son; before 1 had YOU
Brooklyn Life.
"Mary, is that young man in the
parlor?" 'I think he is, sir. Miss
Jennie has hung something over the
keyhole Life.
"The poem l sent in has been re-
jected and 1 am tired of life." Don't
send the next, then-take it there
yourself. brooklyn Life.
"Look mother" cried Teddy, point
ing to footman in fashionable livery,
"that mans got his cuffs around his
legs"-Youth's Companion.
First Old Soldier "There's some
thing familiar about that woman's
face" Second Old Soldier That's
SO. 1 guess it's the powder" "
81 want to buy lamp" eyes,
sir; student's?" "No; 1 want one of
those midnight lamps that the poets
polish poems Atlanta Constitu-
tion.
"Dickie, how did you happen to
eat the whole pie?" Mamma,
played you wuz grandma, an told me
to take all 1 wanted. Detroit Free
Press.
Mr.. Cawker-"But how do you
know that it is secret?" Mrs.
Cawker-"H How do l know? Why,
everybody knows it's secret. DE
troit Free Press.
Little Elmer-"Pa, when is man
really old?" Professor Broadhead-
"Whenever he reaches the pJint
where his ideal woman is onU who is
good nurse. Puck.
"What freaks one meets in board
ing houses" ''Yes, lot of them
around at our place have got up
purse and sent the landlady off on e
vacation. Chicago Record.
Mrs. Wilikins-"Arthur, you used
to say you loved the ground | walked
on" MIR. Wilikins-"Yes l know
did. Your father owned all the land
in that vicinity. Chicago Tribune.
"The Spanish army" said the tire
some boarder, exists largely OH
paper" "Really?" said the Cheerful
idiot. "That can hardly be as nutri-
tious as mule. indianapolis Jour
nal.
She-"What lovely summer after
noon! How resplendent the blight
orb of day hangs in the blue vault
above" He-"Y-a-a-s; nice day fer
feller to get his hair cut"--Roxbury
Gazette.
Messenger-"Hurry over to the
museum, doctor, the glass-eater is
ILL.," Doctor-"What seems to be the
matter with him?" Messenger
"They say he has pane in his
stomach. "-Standard.
Mr.. Ferry-"You're lucky that
you didn't live in the days when l
was boy" Bobby-"I dunno, pop
per. You might have been pretty
good company when you was a kid"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Hicks-"What do you do when your
neighbors' hens scratch up your gar
den?" Wicks-"Drive them into the
stable and shut them up until they
have laid eggs enough to pay me for
the damage. "-Somerville Journal.
John-"Sallie, ef was to ask you
if you'd marry me, do you think you'd
say yesP" -"I-er-guess so"
John-"Wa-al, if ever get over this
ere bashfulness I'll ask you some o
these times. "-Leslie's Illustrated.
Mrs. Peck. -''Henry, when ] mar
ried YOU" Mr.. Peck-"There, I'm
glad you've made up your mind to
admit il at last" A moment later the
neighbors saw him running down the
street without his hat Chicago News.
He-'I shall speak to your father
tonight. How had better begin9 >
Shelby calling his attention to the
statutes governing assault, mayhem,
manslaughter and murder iu the first
degree. Papa is so impulsive. you
know. Judge.
81 throw myself at your feetl' no
cried. She trembled with JOY, yet
hesitated. "And you won't ever throw
soup plates at my head?' she faltered.
For she had somewhere heard that
men act as differently as possible aftee
they have been married swlnle.-
Detroit Journal.