The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1898-03-12
MORE FUNNY BUSINESS.

MORE FUNNY BUSINESS.
Among poultry people, the old hen
proves her good standing by her sit
ting. #:
'sGive me the man who sings at his
work" !" says a writer. He can have
him. Also the man who whistles at
his work. = :~zi. =.
Father: 'tDo you know that it
pains me more than it does you to
hayetto, whip yop?" The Terror:
'tNo, papa; I didn't know it; but now
that you've told me feel better.'
When a woman fancies to herself
the husband she would like to have
he is generally different in important
respects from the husband she has
already.
Lawyer: Ny hair is Is years older
than my whiskers. Why are my
whiskers gray frst?-Barber: You
work your jaws so much more than
your brains.
We hear from time to time of Sc
we're storms that do vast damag to
fshermen's boats, but the number of
smacks lost at sea is nothing to the
number lost on land.
"Papa," said the little one. "will
there be newspapers in heaven?"
"Perhaps, my child, but there will
be a new set of editors and re-
porters."
It has been discovered that kisses
love kisses, we mean are full of
electricity. Now we know why old
maids have always called kissing
shocking!-Boston Courier.
Little Joshua was asked, on the
arrival of q new member of the fam
lily, which he would prefer, a little
brother or sister, to which he re-
piled: '1'd rather have an express
wagon
A shrewd dealer in general mer-
chandize put out a large sign.
postage Stamps Sold at Cost Of
course everybody went there for their
stamps. thus seeing other things to
buy. :..' Z.
He was mumbling about tough
steak and cold coffee, and making
himself generally disagreeable.
Don't .growl over your breakfast,
John, said his wife no body IS
going to take it awayFfrom you. y
Epoch.
I Minister-'"Tell what you know
about JONAH" Tommy jersey
s'He was cast into a fiery furnace
seven times heated, where he was
swallowed by a whale, and the whale
waxed fat and kicked.-New York
Herald.
Fair Customer-s'fs this Western
beef?" Eastern Butcher (proud1y)-
'sNo, madam; We don't deal in ILL.,
hammered steers from the rowdy
West. This beet, madam, is from a
highly cultivated and very refined
cow, formerly OF Boston. New
York Weekly.
'FWell, my dear madam, and how
are you to-day?" "Oh, doctor I
have terrible pains all over my whole
BODY, and it seems impossible to
breathe! Of course I can't sleep at
at all; andsI haven't a particle of ap-
petiteP' 'sBut otherwise you feel all
right, don't your
A man was sentenced to be hanged.
He was on the scafold with the
sheriff and the parson. There was a
rude, improvised seat on the outer
edge of the platform, and for some
reason the programme was delayed
a few moments. The sheriff said to
the prisoner: "You might be
seated" "No, thank you," replied
the prisoner, II can't stay long"
Big brothers know good deal
but now and then one of them finds
himself unexpectedly anticipated by
his little sister. "Marion," said
Henry, proud Of his newly acquired
knowledge, DO you know that the
earth turns round?" "Of tos it
doesP' answered Marion. "That's
the reason / tumbles out of bed.''-
Youths Companion.
A dog which had seen a physician
attending the burial Of wealthy pa
tient, said: 'tWhen do you expect to
dig it up?" 'tWhy should I dig it
up?" the physician asked. "When [
bury a bone," said the dog, 1T is
with the intention to uncoverit it later.
and pick it. ;" s'The bones which I
bury, = said the physician, fare those
which lean no longer pick
A girl in a Chicago public school
ask for leave to be absent half a day
on the plea that they had company
at home. The teacher referred her.to
thn nrinted LIST 0f rnasn.as + r. tho