The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-09-20
AS TO ANARcHIsTs.
SIR. DOOlsy DlSeourrrs Learnedly on their
Character.

Nn0FuGtofs
'"TIs hard bein' king these days"
said Mr.. Dooley. "Manny's L man on
a throne wishes his father'd brought
him up a cooper, what with wages beln'
locked to parlymlnts an ragin' any
chlsts runnin' Wild with dInnymite
bombs undher their or'rms an carvin'
knives In their pockets. 'onaisy,' as
Hogan says, is IN head that wears
crown They'se other heads that're on
aisy. too. but ye don't hear " thin. But
a man grows up in wan Nv thin furrin'
countries an he's thrained rr to be q
king. Hivln may've intinded him f'r
a dooce or a. Jack at tn most, but he
has to follow tn same line as his father.
otis like pawnbrokin' that way. Ye
niver heerd ~ a pawnbroker's son dom
aunythIng else. Wanst a king, always
q king. Other mems sons may pack
away a shirt in a thrunk an so out into
tn worruld brakin' on freight or lad
in IndFannY bankers up TO a shell
game. But a man that's headed f'r a
throne can't run away. He's got to take
tn Job. II he kicks they bhndtold him
am back him In. Whin he goes on
watch he's cinched. He can't ask f'r
his time at tn end " tn week. an
lave. He pays hlmsilE He can't sthrike
because he'd have to order out tn polls
to subjoo hlmsllf. He can't go to IN
boss an say: Ne hours Is too long an
tn wurruk is tejIous. Give me me pay
check He has no boss a man can't
be indipindint onless he hns boss. It's
thrue. So he takes tn place. an, IN
chances are he's tn biggest amadhon
in tn wurruld. an knows no more
about runnin' a country thin / Know
about ladln' an orchesthrY. An II ne
don't do anything he's crazy an whin
he does his foreman says: sure, us IN
divvules own time and had saVin' that
basthoon FIRM desthroyin' himself. II It
wasn't fr me tn poor thing'd nave clos
cd down the wurruks an gone to- tn
farm long ago.
can wan day, whin he's takin' tn
air. p'raps along comes an Eyetalyan,
an says he:
"'Ar-r-re We king?"
"'That's my name. says his majesty.
"'Bether dead says tn Eyetalian,an'
theyse a scramble. an another king
goes over tn long r-road.
81 don't know much about ANARCHISTS.
We had thin here-wanst. They wint
again polIsmen mostly. Mebbe that's
because polismens tn nearest things to
kings they cud find. But, anyhow, l
sometimes think ] know why they're
arnychists somewhere an why they
aint in other places. II cayminds me "
what happened wanse in me cousin Ter
ence's family. They was Twin down
near Haley's slough in wan Nv OF Do
| herty's houses, not DOherty that ge
know, tn liner, a good man WIN ne
don't dhrlnk. No. twas an oil grouch
| ~ n man be the name OF Malachi Do
herty that used TO keep fve-daF notices
| I'm his thrunk al ownded his own priVtt
jlstice ~ tn peace. Ne Cousin Terence
was as dacInt man as liver showed a
hor'rse an his wife was good woman,
too, though / niver took much to tn,
Dolans. FIRM Tlpperary they was, an
too handy throwin' things at ye. An he
had nice family CROWN up. An
niver knowed people that lived together
more outlet an amyable. Twas good II
TO see thin settin' ar-roun' tn parloF,
Terence spelIin' out tn newspaper an
his good woman medln' socks an Hon
oria playin' tn Vale ~ Avoca' on tn
PLAINLY an the kids r'rowlin' on tn
hure
but wan dag II happened that tnat
whole family begun to rasp on wan an
other. Honoriad set down at tn PLAINLY
an tn OIL man'd growl: FIR tn love ~
tn saints, close down that hurdy-gurdy
an lave a man inJye his headache An,
tn good woman scolded Terence an tn
kids pulled tn leg FIRM undher tn stove.
an vain tn big boy. Mike, come home
firm Omaha he found none ~ them
speakin' to tn others. He cud do nav
thin an he whit fr Father Kelly.
Father Kelly shifted tn air whin he
come in. an says he:
"'Terence, what's III matheE- with
geer catch basin?
al dinuaw,' growied Terence.
well saws Father Kelly, we put
OF yee'r hat this minyit an go out fr a
plumber he says.
"T'm not needed here he says. Yee'r
sowls ARE out OF ordhec,' he saws.
"Fetch in a plumber he says. whilst
] goes down to Dohertg an make him
think his lease OF tn hereafther is de-
fectlve,' he says"
"'Yee'r right" said Mr.. Hcnnessy,
who had followed the argument dimly.
Nv coor5e I'm fright" said Mr.. Doc
lev What they need over there in
furrin' countries Is not priest. but n
plumber. IT'S no good praFIp' again
arnychists. Hinalsy. Anarchists Is sew
er gas."-Peter Dunno, in Chicago
Journal