Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-07-20
TEA-TAELE SALAD.

You will generally fnd-that the most
notable utterances of great men in the
hour Of emergency were never uttered
Boston Transcript.
OH gasped Mrs. Timid, as she saw
q man stealing her SilverWare; its q bur
glarH' AT your service, num- politely
returned the burglar.-Town Topics.
Mistress Bridget, these are ewers. l
hope you'll not call them jugs any more"
Bridget-'Thank yeZ, mum. Sure an is
these others mine, tOO?'-Jewelers Week
ly.
He-"Yes, and the Office always falls
to the senior in command"
She-'But suppose the senior is killed;
does the sophomore get it then T'-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Spawker-''Y our wife seems very fond
of commanding you to do this, that and
the other"
satupon (sadly)-"Yes, it's her ruling
passion. Fun.
rs that razor sharp?" asked the bar
Der.
comparatively so,'' SAID the victim;
sit has an edge that would be splendid on
a carving knife. Puck.
These are the times that show a mans
metal
That's what. l know fellow that
used to be silver civilian, and now he's
a tin soldier" -Indianapolis Journal.
He Feeling his way)-"I wish we were
good friends enough for you TOTO call
me by my first name
She (helping him along)-"Oh, your last
name is good enough for me. New York
Weekly.
Through all his passionate pleadings she
sat absolutely unmOved.
1t was the first instance ever noted
where a woman sat thus who had secured
possession Of a piazza rocker.-Cincinnat
Enquirer.
Mr.. Bunting young Grimsby is going
to marry old Miss Brodakers."
Mrs. Bunting (astonished)-"For the
lands sake!'
Mr. Bunting-"Partly, and partly for
the bank account. Judge.
Native-"Yaas, stranger, we hanged the
wrong man"
stranger-"Good heavens! What are
you going to do about it?'
WAL, we're III hopes We'll sit the
right one before night. Detroit Free
Press.
Did you ever hear the story" began
the visitor about the Irishman who ate
an ear of corn and then called for the
waiter to put more corn on his stick?
1T was not an Irishman," said the joke
editor; that story is older than Ireland"
Philadelphia Inquirer.
"Well. Tommie did you have a glorious
L
got a French cook at our house, and we
just bombarded her for keeps until she
admitted that a Yankee pig could lick
Spaniard with all four hOOfs tied behind
his back."-Harper's Bazaar.
How did you enjoy yourself in Italy:
asked Maud.
Lovely" replied Mamie. with all the
enthusiasm of the returned traveller. by
the way, wasn't it too perfectly clever of
them to name that big volcano after the
Nesuvius :''-WashingtOn Star.
Author-"Ah. If l contribute to your
paper is there any chance to win a little
notoriety on the side"'
Editor yes-on one side
Author-":A!.h, yes! And which side,
Editor Suicide. New York Herald.
Helen-"He thinks the world of me.
And such nice things he says of me! He
said last evening that l was q dream"
Harriet-'A dream may be beautiful
when one is under its influence; but one
fOrgets a dream SO quickly, when enc
wakes up, you know."-Boston Tran
script.
Howland-"Well, my landlord called for
his rent for the third time this afternoon"
Rowland-"Of course you didn't have
the money to pay him.
Howland-"NOt a penny of it.
Rowland-"Were you put Out?'
Howland-"Me? Oh, no; but he seemed
awfully so.''-Boston Courier.
The Iconoclast proceeded, direfully.
Now there's the poet POe! he ex-
claimed. He was not so warm except
when he had been drinking"
Humidity, not the heat" muttered the
Unconscious Imbecie who although de-
cadent was not literary, besides being
ignorant of tendencies, withal.-Detroit
Journal.
published an editorial calling upon wom-
Ell to make their own bread and avoid
the high prices
Editor-"Yes. sir
Subscriber-"I have merely called to
state that you are an enemy of civiliza-
ton. My wife took your advice. '-Phila
delphia American.
Several men were talking about how
they happened to marry. Il married my
WIFE" said one, after the others had all
had their say, because she was different
from any woman | ever met" How
was that?" chorused the others. ''She
was the only woman | ever met who
would have me- aud there was burst
of pplause.-Tit-Bits.
Young man (on train)-''Say. conduc-
tor, woman asked me to take care of
this baby for moment, saying she would
be right back, and now they tell me she
got off at the last station. Ooh, what
shall l Go Brace UP,
young fellow, and don't let it worry you.
ANY woman who would do a thing like
that isn't worth bothering about. Life.
She seemed so modest and demure,
With eyes of blue and soul SO pure,
That | feared to speak of earthly things
To this charming angel without wings.
And SO to her these words I said:
How glorious is yOnder sunset red
Then like thunder from a coudlesS sky,
Came her answer: That's lieu
Chicago News.
There's no secret about the method by
which | gained twenty-five pounds weight
in six months" said the stalwart, we'll
proportional man. II had been smoking
ten cigars a day and / quit absolutely and
for good. | began to fatten Immediately"
II suppose | could do that" said the
cadaverous man, obviously, ''but / hate
the durndest to have to learn to smoke
Exchange.
Mistress-"Did anyone call while I was
out!'' Servant-"NO one, ma am, except
in a tramp. He wanted somethin' to
eat, but I told him there was nothin'
ready, an he'd have to wait till the Teddy
of the house cot hack from the cOOkir'