The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1898-01-08
WHAT JOHN BULL LAUGHS AT.
The Funniest Anecdotes That Are
Told.

"hhi JohN BULL LAUGhS Az.
The Funniest Anecdotes That Are
Told.
A pompous bishop was having his
portrait painted, and after sitting for
an hour in silence he thought he would
break the monotony. How are you
getting along?" he inquired. To his
astonishment the artist, absorbed in
his work, replied: "Move your head
little to the right, and shut your
mouth" Not being accustomed to such
form of advice, his lordship asked:
May ask why you address me in that
manner?" The artist, still absorbed in
his work-"I want to take off a little
of your cheek"
A sultan once offered a golden ball
for lying. Many lied to him. but the
sultan replied that he could himself lie
better. Finally an aged man from An
CORA appeared before him with large
jar on his shoulder. Your father"
he said, borrowed a jar like this full
of gold from my father, and said that
you would repay the gold to his son."
Impossible" said the sultan.
IF the story be true" replied the pill
IL
possible, l have won the golden ball"
The sultan at once awarded him the
prize.
At a recent reception given by Lord
and Lady Llangattock, at the Hotel
Cecil. London. in honor of a political
association, delegate was strolling
along one of the corridors, when he
iCn Ntnaa III, In, l,A Jfe,tn
portly gentleman whom he thought he
recognized as a genial colleague not
seen since the last conference. He has
tened his steps and felt convinced that
he was right. Then he stole forward
silently, and thinking to give his friend,
who seemed lost in meditation a pleas
ant surprise he bestowed him pretty
slap on the back saying: Halo, old
boy, politics continues to agree with
you, eh?" The portly gentleman turned
slowly round and revealed the distin-
| gushed features of the Marquis of Sa-
lisbury, England's premier who said,
smiling pleasantly: Yes, thank you
politics does continue to agree with
me-" The delegate was horror-struck
at his mistake. mumbled a confused
apology and beat a hasty retreat.
A young gentleman whose gallantry
was largely in excess of his pecuniary
| means sought to remedy this defect
and save the money required for the
| purchase of expensive flowers by ar
! ranging with a gardener to let him
have bouquet from time to time in
| return for his Cast-off clothes. 1t thus
| happened one day that he received a
! bunch of the most beautiful roses,
| which he at once sent to his lady love.
| In sure anticipation of a friendly well
| come he called at the house of the lady
| the same evening, and was not a little
surprised at the frosty reception he
| met with.
You sent me a note today" the
| young lady remarked after d pause, in
the most frigid tones.
Ia note?" he inquired, in blank as
tonishment.
Certainly, along with a nosegay."
ITO be sure, | sent you a nosegay."
And there was this note inside; do
sou still mean to deny it?"
With these words she handed the
dumbfounded swain a scrap of paper
on which the following words were
written Don't: forget the old trOus-
els you promised me the other day"
There is an amusing story of how
Sheridan retaliated a slight put upon
him when his charming comedy, THE
School for Scandal" was first put upon
the stage. One night, when the audi
ence at Drury Lane was uproariously
| manifesting it's enjoyment, Cumber-
| land, the author of tragedies and
| heavy pieces, sat in the stage box; and
it was observed that he never even
smiled during the performance. When
the play was over, he remarked he
was much surprised that the audience
should laugh so immoderately at what
could not even make him smile. This
sarcasm was soon repeated to Sheri-
dan, who replied, "Cumberlands too
bad. He's really unSrateful not to
smile at my comedy; for only a fort
night ago l saw a tragedy of his at
Covent Garden, and I laughed from be-
ginning to end. His tragedy would
have made Diogenes laugh"
Even the casual observer could see
that the men had been indulging toe
freely in the flowing bowl. The pair
made their way along the street rather
unsteadily. They were men of the la
boring class, but, nevertheless, seemed
to be jolly fellows. Finally one said:
Jerry, I'm 'nebriated."
The other replied, after some hesi-
tation: II don't know what you mean
Tom. OF course you have a better
education than 1 had, but l know yer
drunk"
A boy, apparently much agitated
rushed into a house recently and said;
Il don't want to alarm yer, but l have
got big news. The man sent me vi
from the livery stable to tell yer"
Good heavens! What is it?"
"Why, you know yer little boy, Aleck
what the men can't keep outer the liv,
cry stable round the corner?"
Yes, well?"
Il told Aleck just now not to go inter
the stable 'mong the horses, but he
wouldn't mind me-"
"Oh dear! What has happened?'
"EIe said he wanted to see what a
mule would do when you tickled his
heels with a straw"
"Oh, heavens!" gasped the lady, and
clung to the mantel for support.
We'll, then, your Aleck got straw
snuck up benin sorrel mule, tickleC
him on the heels, and
| 10,