The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1898-10-15
he WILL ENLIST NEXT TIME.
An Unfortunate Stay-at-Home Oh
serves the Luck of a Man
Who Was a Volunteer.

going to enlist, regardless of the
cause"
This was the continuation of n din
ner talk at a club in this city. The
speaker proceeded:
"The other day 1 saw Mrs. Blank
trying to hail the driver of an ice
wagon by yelling at him. l was dunn
founded, because she is generally a
helpless creature, and l never heard of
her interesting herself III any of the
domestic duties of her house. l men
toned the unusual occurrence to my
wife at dinner, and she said she
thought it was very commendable in
Mrs. Blank. 1 ventured to reply thatit
was not graceful and that l should not
care to see my wife yelling at an ice
man, o. any man.
"'But you see,' rejoined my wife as
she passed my cup, Mrs. Blanks hus-
band was a volunteer
True said /, but his command
never got to the front. No fault of his,
1 admit. And now he is home and is
as healthy and robust as l am. He told
me himself his army experience was an
outing for him, and that he never felt
better in his life
"'Quite true said my wife, but Mrs.
Blank probably thinks of what might
have been. l saw her calling to the
iceman-she was not yelling, as you
put it; and she explained to me, dear,
that her husband had expressed a de-
sire for a dish the preparation of which
required an extra allowance of ice, and
hat as he had said he had not tasted
the dish in question since he enlisted
she thought she would have it prepared,
and in order that there might be no
mistake she just put on her hat and
attended to the order herself. And 1
think it was very sweet of her.
81 Immediately changed the topic.
After a cigar 1 said 1 would call up
my liveryman and have him send
around the victoria and team. 1
thought an evening on Riverside in the
face of the moon about the proper
thing. As I was starting to the tele-
phone my wife put her arms around my
neck and said she had sent the team
around to Mrs. Blanks because Mrs.
Blank had said that Mr.. Blank had not
been out for a drive since he enlisted.
Last Saturday 1 concluded 1 would
give my wife a bit of surprise, and at
ten o'clock in the morning 1 called her
over the wire and told her to have the
man bring her to pier so-and-so, and to
bring her traps for a bit of a cruise.
She thanked me, and said I IA
thoughtful, and put in some very pref
ty talk. She said in the same treacle
tone:
"'Say, Jim, dear. do you care if Mr..
and Mrs. Blank join us?'
"'Why?' 1 shouted back. They had
the rig the other day when 1 wanted it.
Confound it, can't we have our yacht
one night alone?' 1 asked.
well, l waited a minute for the eff
feet, and then L heard her voice, low
and sweet. Jim, dear, I know it was
not just right, but 1 had asked them
to go aboard this evening after you
came up. 1 was going to surprise you.
And Mrs. Blank said Mr.. Blank had not
been on a yacht since he enlisted. 1
thought 1t would be nice
"And so it goes. Mr.. and Mrs. Blank
were at a card party at my house, and
my wife said she hoped I would not
skin Mr.. Blank as 1 used to do, because
he had not been to a card party since
he enlisted. Mr.. Blank sent over for
my fishing outit-you know that out
fit, which cost me $500 three years ago,
never had it out but twice! Well, Twas
out of town, and my wife sent it over;
and when l howled about it she said
poor Mr.. Blank had not been fishing
since he enlisted.
"And now Mr.. and Mrs. Blank and
my wife are away up in the Adiron-
dacks, cause Mr.. Blank has not been
anywhere since he enlisted. And when
he looks at me and sees me getting
red in the face he shuts M eye and
says: Jim, you missed it when you
didn't enlist!' Why, darn his head, he
hasn't been out of the state!"-N. Y.
Sun.