The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1898-07-09
SIMPLE laRrPRFSSlstE
Nothing on fsrth Coaid Teaeh this aia1 lis
Pc. per Place.

NsNFHf 1890
Washington Star: It took q very
short time to ascertain that the new
young man had set out to be the life of
the table. lie had evidently read books
In Which table chat IS represented Is
something kaleldoscoplc and thrilling,
and he was out to furnish his full aunla
of glitter He heamed around the Ia
BILE once or twice, and then tucked his
napkin under his chin. He had met ono
or two OF the people. but he did mot
care He WINS neither proud nor selnsh,
andstalked loudly enough to give every
body the benefit OF what he had TO say.
He was determined not 20 let the eOn-
versation get on without him. t.e was
never baffied by missing limits in' his
chain otthougft.
The member OF Congress, With a bass
voice and big mustache, said to the
elderly lady:
ITS rather cool this evening, isn't
it?" .
by the way" exclaimed the Young
man, before she had time 10 reply, that
reminds me. Speaking OF cool You
know, there ism ANYBODY cooler than
lawyer. And speaking Of lawFers. what
10 the difference between one OF them
and a burglar who has just discovered
"A tool with which to cut the bars OF
a cell? It'thkes a little while to say H.
but it's so clever that IT'S worth tht
time. You see, one notices a itle ana
the other files notice."
Turning to the member OF Congress,
the elderly lady said that 1t was rather
cool
II hope 1t hasn't killed alt the
peaGheA" said the man who has a
moderate income, and who does 10th
ing except take walks and read The pa
pers.
''speaking OF peaches" said the, young
man, "reminds me OF good one.
Peaches always make me think OF the
country, and the country makes me
think OF cows. and the cows make me
think OF milk, and milk makes me
think OF oatmeal. And could anybody
tell me the difference between the gar
ment which NOW covers my shoulder
and a portion Of my breakfast? NOV.
I've given you q good hint at that one"
Nobody said word, and she cheerlly
resumed: "Oh, we'll, ] couldn't blame
anybody for not guessing, ulthoughsall
these answers seem very easy when
you know them. One Is an Old coat ana
the other Is cold ont"
The member OF Congress glaseq and
the elderly lady elevated her glasses 20
get d better View ot the new young
man, who looking up and down {ne Ia
bic, grinning sereneiy.
There was a silence for some time
The elderly lady thoughtlessly broke
In to inquire OF the high school, girl,
"How did you Ike the play last night
1T was delightful" she answered.
Even IL one didn't care for the. stars
acting, one couldn't help but admire
her laces."
'IThat reminds me of good one, the.
new young man broke forth. Speak
INK Of laces, what Is the difference iuer
tween a. delay In a lawsuit and the at
tainment uf a graceful feminine tg:
ure? Ono Is stay of proceedings anu
the other is a proceeding OF stays AM I.
that good one. ] know a lot more,
only make rule never to tell them
unies they at right Into the CONVEX
young man." said the Congressman
with a bass voice and large mustaehe,
''I'm not a very good hand at that sort
OF thing. but have one. What Is the
difference between you and Balaam's
ASST
"That must be a remarkably clever
one. give It UP"
"Why, Balaam's ass was remarkable
solely for the fact that 1t spoke when
1t wasn't expected to say anything. ana
you'll have to excuse me, but am
not sure whether there Is any more 10
the answer or not, or whether 1t even
fits the conundrum."
people looked Mortified: all but the
new young man.
He smiled patronizInglV at the Con-
gressman and exclaimed:
"Those things are a little emparrass,
ing. but don't get discouraged. useG
to get rnttled myself once IN u while'
when l was first starting IN