Chicago eagle., 1898-01-29

Doesn't II make you sad when you
think of the poor!" why. no. not par.
Gcularly. 1t makes me mad. though, |
when l think of the rich."-1ndianap-
oils Journal.
Mrs. Newei-"was I nervous, dear,
during the ceremony?' Miss Spitegiri
well. a trihe at first, darling. but
not after William had said yes."-
Truth.
Not Spoiled by Fortune.--Anna-And
her uncle left her all that money! Has
It. changed her at all? Belle-No. in.
deed! She Is just as enthusiastic 40
ever over So-cent silk marked down
from one-sixty.-Puck.
Precocious Juvenile-Mamma. Il isn't
good grammar to say after L. Is III
HE Mother-No. Georgie. Precocious
Juvenile-Well, the letter comes after
I. Which is wrong. the grammar or
the alphabet?-Chicago Tribune.
Miss Antique-This a young turkey.
don't believe you, sir. Butcher-1t 10
young turkey, mum. Miss Antique
Young! Young as compared with
what? Butcher-The pyramids er yer
own sweet self. um--Harper's Bazaar.
"Maude says she doesn't care two
cents for him." THAT Is no sign she
does not think a lot Of him. Just think
now women will fight for bargains that
are marked from $3.50 to $3.As."--ln.
dianapolis Journal.
First Chappie-"I wonder now, Chol.
lie, how the donkey ever came to be
used rs the-er-emblem Of stupidity |"
second Chappie with yawn)-"Don't
know. I'm sure, deah boy; must have
been before our dny."-Brooklyn Life.
TITS perfectly absurd, this clamor
nbout our hats. People who can't see
over them would better not 60 to the
sheater." II know; that's what told
my husband: and he said: All right,
we won't co. and we don't."-Harper's
Bazaar.
Brown-"Ah. Smith. let me introduce
you to Mr.. Cayley Gott. I'm sure you've
read his famous books" Smith-"N.n.
no. I'm afraid haven't had the pleas.
ure.' Brown-"Oh, Of course you have,
my dear fellow, but you've forgotten
ahat's it."-Punch.
A Dangerous Locality.-Tirst Tramp
(pointing to scarecrow In cornfield)
Look! Lookee thcrew Second
Tramp-"My! My! We must git out o.
this. double quick. They've caught one
OF us fellows and nailed him to pole"
New York Weekly.
Mrs. Spriggins - "where's your
daughter, Mrs. wigginsT' Mrs. Wig.
gins-"She's gone to the cooking school.
And that reminds me. I must 90 into
the kitchen and get supper, for she'll
be a. hungry as bear when she gets
home."-New York Weekly.
my dear old friend, how were you
able to acquire such an immense for
tune?" "By very simple method" !"
'Wna. method was thatY "When
was poor ! made out that was rich
and when got rich made out that !
was poor."-Odds and Ends.
Mr.. Dunham: II have called, sir, to
tell you that your daughter, Miss Fan.
ME. and love each other very dearly.
] want to ask you for her" Old Mil.
1yuns-"Well, you'll have to wait
awhile. There's no vacancy In the
store now that could put you into."-
cleveland Leader.
zone time" said the Travelled board.
or, II got showed In on the Rocky
Mountains. and the only thing seven Of
MS had for two days to sustain life was
a half barrel OF picked pigs feet"
"You were, indeed" said the cheerful
idiot reduced to extremities. I'm.
Annapolis Journal.
Hiram Oatbin-"Them people in the
big cities is gittin' 80 ALFRED enterpris.
In that they're bound to have clear
skies above 'em ev'ry day." Ike Stub
Ales-"How d. ye make thai out, HIP
Hiram Oatbin-"Look Mt the fortunes
they are payin' out fer them sky scrap
ers."-Up to Date.
IAN author" said the practical lit.
terateur, sought to know several Ian.
guages." "Of course he ought" re.
piled his fellow-craftsman. ''rhe field
has been SO well worked that there n
no longer any use of reading old Eng.
Dish books In search Of original ideas"
-Washington Star.
He-"These shoemakers are pretty
well up to the vanity Of women. have
It on reliable authority that they hit on
the trick Of putting smaller numbers In
women's shoes" She-"Yes; and 1t IL
also said that the hatters are number.
3ng mems hats size higher. There!"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Fwat's this hear about you sOakin'
a Chinyman wild a brickT' asked Mr..
Hogan. II did" admitted young HO-
gan. 'Niver let me hear nv tn like
again. Always brreak brick In two
and soak your man twice. You young
Americans are much too wastefll."-
indianapolis Journal.
"Will she have him" was the Ques.
tion they asked. 1T would he waste
of time to answer the question" sug.
gested the cynic, because It Is not
properly wOrded. The question should
read: Can she get himr" As is usual.
~ the case. they found upon investiga-
tion that he was one OF the men who
have received the mitten In several dif.
ferent formS-Chicago Post.
Serious Misunderstanding I
had an awful time with that hackman
last nightw ''Tell u.s." II gave him q
little extra change 10 get himself some.
thing to warm up with while he was
waiting for the Dlay to end and he