Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-08-10


He who matched wits with the author
of THE Ancient Mariner" mad indeed a
lively task before him. for COleridge was
never caught mapping. The poet was so
awkward a hOrseman that his riding of
ten attracted comment OF anything but
complimentary nature.
One day he was riding along the turn
pike road in the county Of Durham. saws
the Youths Companion, when a wag who
met him fastened upon him as an excel
lent subject for sport. Consequently he
drew. rein and said in an impertinent
drawl:
My graceful friend. did you happen
to meet tailor on the road?'
i m inclined to think | did" said Cole
ridge, meditatively: Il was not sure ar
the moment, but he said something about
my meeting a goose farther along the
road"
The wag put spurs to his horse. and
the poet logged calmly on his way
Mr.. and Mrs. Simpkins had lust ahout
concluded to name their first boy Alfred
Sampson Simpkins when they happened
to think Of the Enthusiastically Jour
nal.
Mrs NJ. &. W. Sherwood relates in the
New York Times some amusing savings
Of Fitz-James O'Brien. On visiting a
very patriotic lady on New Years day,
after the war was declared, he said
She had flags on the mantel ard cold
roast eagle on the sideboard." When
asked if he partOok of the latter. he said
no, as Ian Irishman he was drawn by q
patriotic instinct to the potato salad. :"
and demanded Scotch whisky to show
cosmopolitan breath. Lest he should be-
come ne too toe belllcose,. he, felt even afraid
to handle drumstick." Asked if women
had inspired men to drink as well as to
heroic actions, he said: Eyes! Often
When one is Mumnl, and the other extra
dry" And speaking of the heroic in
toNlcaton that has sent SO many men to
war, he said it is what makes the pup
pes hight well, and then, we feel such q
delicious egotism. Why, when I am
marching down Broadway. I do not know
whether | am part of the universe. or
whether the universe is a part of me-
At the Soda Fountain: Party Wait
ng-'Where's my order?" Waiter
Coming. sir. Your wink is being de-
clphered. Detroit Journal.
Weldon bought fourteen little round
clay banks, with slots fairly yawning for
pennies, says an exchange. These he
intended to distribute among the mem
bers OF his Sunday school class. after
giving little heart-Uo-neart talk on fru-
gaity- AS NEST egg he determined
to put five pennies in each bank
Unfortunately, Weldon took the globes
to the office. Lacey, who has no practical
ideas about anything but jokes. saw him
putting pennies in the slots, and found out
through the stenograDher to what use
the little banks were to be put
When Weldon had gone to lunch Lacey
hunted about the stOckroOm and found
some iron washers about the size of pen
MES. With the assistance of the office
boy he shook the cOppers out of the
globes and inserted the worthless bits Of
metal.
The following Sunday. after Weldon
mad delivered his talk and the banks.
fourteen children rushed home and shook
the IRON washers out on fourteen parlor
carpets.
The walls that arose were heartrendino
and twenty-eight fathers and mothers in
dlgnantly declared that Weldon was not
fit TO hold the position Of instructor in
the Sunday school.
Everybody in the church-save Weldon
was informed. The greetings of oId-time
friends grew distant and formal. Finally
the Sunday school class was taken away
from Weldon and put IN the hands of a
young lady who started by asking the 10
year-olds if they had read "Quo Vadis.'
and the worst Of it all is that Weldon
doesn't know what has brought him to
the ground, a crumbled pillar Of the
church.
One of the great practical lokers Of the
British navy was one Jack Hathorn He