Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-11

Up there in New Jersey, where you have
to hit the mosquitoes with an axe before
you can even get them to listen to your
remarks, there is a woman whose nus
band belongs to lodge. She used TO
bulge with curiosity about the procedure
in this organization and tried day and
night to pump her man so that he Woulo
let drop some of the secrets OF the order
What she particularly wished 10 kno"
about was the goat-whether there was
really such a quadruped on the initiation
programme and whether the animal ac-
tually impressed his personality on new
members in the forcible manner so often
described. Sometimes sha believed there
was a goat and sometimes she didn l.
Now she knows there Is goat, but the
whole thing Is a sore subject with her
consort This man, by the way, is a
grand worshipful and has heretofore been
an exceedingly big bug in the order. lie
generally has finger In all the fraternaI
pies and nearly all the mystic bones are
gnawed according TO his instructions.
Quite recently, after the lodge meeting
was over, he went to deposit the para
phernalia in a closet just off from the
lodge-rooms. 1t was in this apartment,
by the way, that the goat was Kept IN
yelled seclusion. No new members had
been initiated that evening, and the ami
NAL being anxious to continue business
at the old stand-or, rather, at the old
knock-down--was suffering from bad
case of insomnia. He had previously
been served with a straw hat and seve-
raj old shoes to calm his emotions, but
did not appear TO have digested these ar
ticles with that facility which conduces
to caprine comfort. When the Grand
Worshipful entered the closet the goat
mistook him for a new member and
made a pass at him. Now, this ofhcor
has been a member OF the order for so
long that he was used to the tricks or the
soft-browed quadruped. He jumped aside
and escaped the animals horns, but the
full force Of the blow struck the open
door and shut 1t with bang. There was
a spring lock on the door which could
only be ynfastened on the outside. The
key was in the Grand Worshipfurs
pocket. and he was on the inside. the
goat was very enthusiastic.
AS the meeting had adjourned the mem
bers-rather than go home to their wives
were lounging about and once in awhile
they heard a considerable racket going
on in the closet. They spoke affection
ately Of the goat and chuckled over his
restlessness. They had never interview
ed the hoop-skirt destroyer In his own
boudoir. and merely thought he was try
ing to reduce the sides of the closet to
pulp.
Taken as a whole, their differences were
not altogether wrong. The goat was rest
less. So was the Grand Worshipful. In
fact, it would have been hard TO tell
which was the more restless, though be
1t said TO the credit OF the goat that he
never neglected his business for a mo-
ment Many were the little attentions he
bestowed upon his involuntary vis-a-vis
No part of the Grand Worshipful was ig-
nored. He was overwhelmed with the
goats enthusiasm, and felt the adaman-
tine forehead of this whiskered brute in
several of the most vulnerable portions
of his anatomy. To vary the monotony
the man howled, and frantIcally told the
story of his afIlction TO the outside bro
theirs. They made desperate efforts to
rescue him, and finally had to batter
down the door.
The Grand Worshipfups wife now be-
lieves that the lodge uses a goat on GER
tain occasions. She says new suit will
have TO be purchased out of the Christ
mas money, and many salves and ONT
ments bought. The Grand Worshipful
doesn't have much of anything to say. He
sits down on a cushioned seat when stand
ing becomes too wearisome, though the
soles of his feet are about the only per-
ton of him which can stand any cen
pressure.