Evening journal., 1898-04-21
EXERrISn Frltc,rrTwON1

III Is ldlntntADle tnat the subject OF
pronunciation should, at times. become
provocative OF irascible behaviour. Of
ten what should be a joust in occult
crthoepy degenerates into maniacal al
tercation, amid a Tartarcan seismic
avalanche Of words.
Not long since a robust disputatve
collegian, his clothes OF the latest Pail
Mah cut, his bifurcated necktie adorn-
cd with a solitaire, and an onyx ring,
his boutonniere q gilly flower, and a
/ pair Of castanets, his hair dressed with
/ oleOmargarine and perfumed with am
! hergris, his upper lip innDcent Of
/ hirsute ornament, his cheek chalce-
d0nic. aye adamantine, his look trucu-
| lent, saturnine and demoniacal. indica-
tory Of wassails and orgies, Informed a
f9nile, hyOchondrical attorney from
| Waterloo that he did not pronounce ac-
o1rding to the standard dictionary.
"FOr," ohesrved the young man, with
an air of research. in your Tuesday 8
address you said that the sight of cere-
ments. or Of a lethargic cadaver. or of
q swarthy native of Natal. afflicted
with lOcOmOtor ataxia, paresls diph-
| iberia, or the epizootic disease, suf-
I feed to inundate your eyes; that a
tsalamander treated for obesity with hy-
drangea tea and anchoyy sauce. would
not be combative: that during a dis
tc9urse to a cOncOurse OF youths, eleven
1 eacrilegiOus dwarfs made grimaces az
an aged man sitting ON three-leggCd
| stool; that one of these supple fellows,
| carrying under his arm q COPY OF The
Arundel Motto and works on palmis-
try, zoology and genealogy, being re-
iuked. looked rather cOntrite. but he
Immediately frescoed q cOadjutOr's IS
lFlizabethan collar with apricot marma-
lade; that you once read of a ugu-
brlous man, albeit Of great acumon and
dis0cernment sick with variolOid and
lurulent eczema, fog which he permit
ter n jocund gynecologist, after incising
his jugular vein with q scapel of sta
lactite, to inject iodine and fetid sirur
with syringe OF q decorative design, a
malpractice suit being the result; that
during a drought a viragO or q pythO-
ness. is combatible with only ephem.
eral success. BY the way, have you q
dictionary?"
Dictionary" replied the lawyer
"pugh is is a granary from which the
Il pronunciation fend fills his commits
gariat with philolOgic and .OpthoepiC
I0mances and vagaries that grow intC
fetichism, which finds expression In
supercilious ostentation Of erudit'
vacuity"
Nothing daunted, the young mar
continued: You said, according @
precedent il was obligatory upon The
aspirant to plait his hair as his nOmat
parents had done, and precedent to go
ing up TO the hymeneal altar. where
the archiepiscopal functionary wal
waiting, INDUCED in fulsome praise o
himself, hoping thereby to induce
c0mely girl and notable housewife q
jiOnt him. But she, being aveIso e
undergoing an ordeal so irrefragabl.
embarrassing, peremptorily demanded
his removal His features, for a min
ute. became immobile with surprise
after the subsidonce Of which he ex
claimed, 4 have had a presentimen
Of this. If, on inquiry, l find that tina
| aeronaut, or amy other interioper, O
even any ally, or accessory, has bee
writing distichs to you / Will max
him grovcl abjectly in the dust, an
force him to jump off an Alpine gla
cier' This is a verbatim quotation
You sometimes consult a dictionary?
Young man." retorted the lawyel
his aQuiinc nose quivering with De
!
, consistency OF dictionary, see ho'
} demagogy is pronounced, then turn {
pedagogy"
{ Pardon me, I was speaking Of you,
said the torturer. with cherubic smil
In your peroratiOn this occurs: a
neognitO Communist. being command
ant on the frontier, In one Of hi
hunting expeditions came upon an II
, dian. who TO the accompaniment {
7 the soughing wind. was softly playn
minuet on a ilageolet. for the pul
pose Of quieting a wounded hydro
I uhobic Bengal tiger, penned up i'm
howell The officers companion, Ma
j. lay. from Singapore, acting as sen'
g schal or pursuivant, suggested hougl
ing the animal or giving it some &
caine, morphine and saline yeast. A
cordingly this nauseoiIs dose was az
ministcred. The rampant beast ther
r ldpon coming in contact with a dilap
" dated dlvan fined with dynamite, baf
E. adieu 10 things suhlunary and prOcee'
4 ID to grace the empyreal regions Yc
= look into a dictionary once i'm q Will
Washington Star.