davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
SMITHS CAKE.
It Was Something of Surprise When
Served at Dinner.

It Was Something of Surprise When
Served at Dinner.
Madam, you don't know how to
make cakep' exclaimed Mr.. Smith,
throwing lump of half cooked dough
across the room at the cat. "You never
knew how to make cake. I'd rather eat
wet sawdust. You ought TO have seen
the cake my mother made. That was
! cakeP p
Your mother again-always your
motherl'' retorted Mrs. Smith. "Pity
she didn't teach you something's
"What do you mean, madam? I'll
warrant I'll make better cake myself
than you any day"
"Why don't you try? You'll find ev-
erything in the Kitchen"
well, can. ;"
well, why don't you? You are all
talkp'
Smith found himself cornered, and
felt very uncomfortable, as he had Ell
Their to surrender Internationally or to
make good his boast. He had me- IT
made cake in his life, had no idea b, W
knew what was in them.
"I'll make the CAKE" he said.
well, come into the kitchen and
make it, proposed his wife.
"What, now?"
eyes, now. I'll get the things for
you.
Smith took off his coat, his collar and
necktie and rolled up his shirt sleeves.
They walked to the kitchen together,
and Smith said:
"What shall l mix it in?''
"Oh, you're doing it," Mrs. Smith
replied.
"Ah, this will do" he said, taking
up bowl. snow bring me some water,
now some raisins and currants, sugar
and ginger and allspice. There. that
will do" He put them all into the
bowl and mixed them with a spoon.
"They don't seem to stick together, :"
he said. Clocks more like a thick soup
than anything else. Fancy I've got too
much water" Smith drained off some
of the water and was about to put the
cake into pan, when his wife said
Didn't your mother use four?'
"Oh, yes-yes-ah, yes-hour, of
course. - Then he mixed in flour until
it was so stiff that he could hardly
knead it. ''Now," said he, "IIl take
this cake round to the baker and have
it baked properly" He started off, and
when he reached the bakers he said:
will you just throw this stuff away
and put in its place one of your best
plum cakes?"
That night at supper Mrs. Smith had
her mother and sister with her. She
had told them of the CAKE and they
were expecting great fun at Smiths ex-
pense. The cake did not come until sup
per time. Smith took it from the boy
and said:
'This is my cake-something like
cake. F" He carried in the cake and
placed it on the table.
Here's a note in the paper" said
Mrs. Smith. "I'll read it:
'DEAR sIR-I am sorry we are all out Of
plum cake, so ] send you pound cake instead.
Yours obedienuy. $. BROWN, Baker"
New York Ledger.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

The New Orleans Times Democrat
says that woman with her colored
maid was recently travelling ON a train.
When the train started, the girl appear
ed to be in fever of excitement. The
conductor, the plush seats of the car,
the sights from the window-everythin
was of absorbing interest To the sur
prise of her mistress, Sallie, when food
was offered her, refused to eat. An hour
or two went by, and sandwich was
again offered to her, but she still re-
fused. "What is the matter, Sallie?'
asked her mistress. care you sick?"
The girl rolled up her eyes eostatically
"Oh, no, missus,' she answered, 81
amt sick; but l can't eat when I'm
trabbelingl It's too joyful likel''
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
~------7|---------------
The Quality of Real Fun.

One man said to another in an ele-
waited car about something that he had
just read, ''Now, that is actually fun
ny, " and then he read it over again.
The inference from this is, of course,
that many of the things written in fun
are not really funny, and, making due
allowance for lack of appreciation, it is
doubtless true that much of the matter
written as fun actually does lack the
true spark. 1t may be we'll inten toned,
good natured, even cheerful, and yet
lack the peculiar filling, satisfying, en-
ergizing, refreshing, uplifting quality
of real fun.
The man who has this kind of fun in
his heart and who has besides the power
of communicating it to his neighbor
need not go to the Klondike for his re.
ward.-New York Ledger.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
Black and White Effects.

Black and white effects again figure
largely in the domain of both fashion
able dress and millinery. Black and
white silks, satins and brocades Just
brought from over the sea are set forth
by leading importers. Black and white
taffetas, surahs, fables and other fancy
silks and liberty textiles appear. Black
and white checks and plaids are being
formed into stylish spring costumes
by the fashionable dressmakers, and
Frenohwomen are now wearing black
and white satin brocade shirt waists with
their stylish black cloth skirts. Waists
of black and white or gray and white
stripes or dots are always good style,
whether made in the manner of the cot
ton shirt waists or with full fronts
turned back with white revers over
tucked chemisette of fabric to match.
A full blouse of cream white silk or
satin, covered everywhere with a dra-
perry or yelling merely of jetted black
net, often proves the most becoming of
all waists slender woman of indiffer-
ent complexion can select. Sometimes
cream ribbons matching the blouse are
the most satisfactory additions she can
make to the waist; again, bow of
soft pink or brilliant cerise satin works
wonders of improvement. New York
Post
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
THE SPLIT INFINlTIvE.
g. Bernard Shaw Says the Clamor About
It Is All Nonsense.

g. Bernard Shaw Says the Clamor About
1t Is All Nonsense.
In letter to the editor of the London
Chronicle G. Bernard Shaw writes:
should have thought, now that we
have an academy of letters, that it might
rescue us from the gentlemen who occa-
sionally write to you to explain how
English should be written. Some time
ago you let loose an unhappy creature
to whom some competent person had
incautiously pointed out a common
blunder in the use of land which.
Not understanding the matter, he began
accusing every writer in whose works
he could discover land which" of
writing bad English. With your per-
mission, have extinguished him, and
he has not since been heard of. There
was some excuse for that poor wretch,
because there unquestionable is wrong
way of using "and which," but for the
"split intinitive" pest there is no excuse
at all. There is nothing whatever to
mislead him except his own nature. If
any man were to object to split indie
alive such as 81 greatly regret" or
a split subjunctive such as 81 should
greatly prefer" or a split imperative
such as "come slowly up" what news
paper would waste an inch of space on
his foolish ignorance? And yet this split
infnitive nonsense is taken quite seri-
ously by editors who are sufficiently
good writers to repeatedly use it them
selves.
The infnitive is mood in which the
position of the adverb cannot possibly
produce ambiguity; consequently the
order of the words is not a matter of
grammar, but of style, of which the ear
is the only arbiter. The ear often de-
mands the split infnitive and will have
it in spite Of all the silly people who do
not know what style means.
When these infinite insects are dis
posed of, you will no doubt be attacked
in due course by the even more impu-
dent impostors who, though they pro-
nounce the word color" so as to rhyme
with "duller," and never hear it and
never have heard it and never will hear
it pronounced in any other way, from
time to time pretend to be shocked
when it is spelt without Gu. 1 trust
you will always insist on these nui-
sanoes definitely stating whether they
pronounce it or "honor'' or "neighbor"
or "favor" or behavior SO as to
rhyme with tour or "poor, as the
case may be, or whether they are merely
bogus ologists-century belated
Johnsons.
In either case you will be justified in
recommending them to the care of their
relatives and suppressing their bab-
blings.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

How Gold Was Found on the KIondike.
"The River Trip to the Klondike" is
described in The Century by John Sid
ney Webb. The author says:
The famous Bonanza creek and the
more famous Ell Dorado creek are very
like ordinary, everyday creeks in APP
pearance-a little less civilized perhaps
than creeks to be met with in the east.
There are men living in Alaska today
who have hunted moose over these
creeks dozens of times; but, as the old
miners say, there were no surface indi-
cations to lead any one to suppose that
gold might be found in them, SO hun
dreds of miners passed by in their boats,
going to Forty Mile and Circle City.
The finding of such gold is always an
accident, and the old hands are usually
the last to realize the truth "Stiok
George" Cormack and his squaw s rela-
tives camped on the creek for dinner
one day and somehow got to digging
and washed out some gold. He went to
Forty Mile and made claim for discov-
cry, and soon the news spread like wild
fire
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
Simla,s idea of Fnn.

One of the most amusing incidents of
the recent Simla season was the imper-
sonation of two foreign noblemen by
two gentlemen we'll known in Simla So
ciety, one of them posing as the war
correspondent of the Italian paper
Roma. Skillful was the disguise, and so
admirably were their parts kept up that
the two distinguished foreigners spent
the evening with party in the COM
mander in chiefs box and afterward had
supper on the stage with the actors
without their identity being discovered.
At supper the count appeared to find
the wines of the English more potent
than those of his own country, and the
speechless horror of the mamma when
he commenced to pay marked court to
her daughter very nearly caused the
baron to die of suppressed laughter and
apoplexy. Next day, when the hoax
was discovered, there was some hutter-
ing in the dovecots as to what they had
said to the foreign noblemen and what
the wicked count had said to them. The
rest of Simla roared. Lahore Civic and
Military Gazette.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
WHEN YOUR EYES SMILE TOO.


When your eyes smile too-when your eyes
smile too,
It's then know your hidden heart is laughing
out with you.
It's often have seen your lips go searching up
smile,
And, oh, somehow knew your heart was
grieving all the while,
And the sky was dark and gloomy and the bird
songs were SO few,
And the sun forgot its shining-tin your eyes
smiled tool
When your eyes smile too-when your eyes
smile too,
Oh, the listen of the willows and the glisten of
the devil
Oh, the brightness of the meadow and the
lightness of the grain,
And the music of the little winds that laugh
along the lanel
Oh, ths whisper of the valley and the deepness
of the blue,
And the glory just of living when your eyes
smile tool
New York Press,
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

Seems as if all the things we like disa-
gree with us, and all the things we don't
like agree with us. Dyspepsia turks in
most of the good things we eat and indi-
gestion follows the qualification of appe-
tite. Of course it isn't Natures fault.
Nature does the best she can, and if a man
will only help her little bit at the right
time, he may eat what he likes and as
much as he likes. DR. Pierce's Pleasant
Pellets are for people who are troubled
with indigestion. Particularly for those
in whom it manifests itself in the form of
constipation. The pellets" are quick
and easy in their action. They are in
perfect harmony with Nature. They eff
feet a permanent cure You need take
them regularly only little while After
that, use them occasionally when you
need them-when you have eaten any
thing that disagrees with you. They may
be taken just as freely as you would take
water or any other necessity of life. Once
used they are always in favor.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

you Will surely pay the penalty.
If the stomach and liver are out of order
that is going to weaken the whole constitu-
ton unless the right means are taken to re-
store these fundamental organs of the sys-
tenn to their natural condition. This is ex-
actly what is done by DIR. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery. Its direct action upon
the liver and digestive organs is the secret
of its astonishing curative effect in all dis
eases of nalnutrition.
1t insures perfect nutrition it makes the
blood pure and red and full of vitality; it
creates healthy flesh and muscular energy.
1t is far better than sickening indigestible
"emulsions " or merely stimulating malt
EXTRACTS" Its good effects are lasting.
Mrs. Rebecca F. Gardner, of Grafton York Co.,
Va, writes: 4 was so sick with dyspepsia that
could not eat anything for over four months.
had to starve myself, nothing would stay on my
stomach. tried almost everything that people
would tell me about, and nothing did me any
good. weighed only SO pounds took two bot
ties of the Golden Medical Discovery and
thank God, and your medicine, am as well as
ever was, and now weigh I25 pounds I have
bottle of your Favorite Prescription now, and
that is wonderful medicine for female weakness
For all constipated conditions Dr. Pierce's
Pleasant Pellets are the most scientific and
permanent cure. No other remedy is so
scientific and perfect.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

In The Century there is an article on
'The River Trip to the Klondike, -
written by John Sidney Webb. Mr..
Webb says:
Alaska is country of more square
miles than square meals, and the legend
airy governor of North Carolina would
have found little else but muddy Yukon
water, assaying 90 per cent solids to the
liquid ton, in which to quenoh his cele-
brated thirst ''Do as you please is the
motto In civilization coats are worn
for various reasons, ION the Yukon"
because it blows up cold or rains. Nap
kins, tablecloths, sheets and pillows do
not "go' ON the Yukon, or have not
heretofore Even the Klondike million
aire packs his blankets and takes what
he can pat
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
COURAGE.

IL is not they that never knew
Weakness or fear who are the brave
Those are the proud, the knightly few
Whose joy is still to serve and save
But they who in the weary night
Amid the darkness and the stress
Have struggled with disease and blight
With pitiful world WEAKNESS,
They who have yearned to stand among
The free and mighty of the earth,
Whose sad, aspiring souls are wrung
With starless hope and hollow mirth,
Who die with every day, yet live
Through merciless, unbrightened years
Whose sweetest right is to forgive
And smile divinely through their tears.
They are the noble, they the strong,
They are the tried, the trusted ones,
And though their way is hard and long,
Straight to the plying God it runs.
-Harper's Weekly.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
SDOnR6S.

Fine sponges are used by physicians
in surgical operations and are sometimes
very expensive. Our finest sponges come
Red sea- They are obtained by divers,
who search for them under rocks and
cliffs, and who remove them carefully
with knife, that they may not be in
jured. The Turks, who carry ON the
trade, have between 1000 and 5000
men employed in collecting sponges.
The value of the sponges annually col
lected is estimated at 500. 600. Coarse
varieties are found in the Gulf of Next
co and the Bahama islands. They are
scraped off the rocks with forked instru-
ments, and consequently they are often
torn
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
AT THE AQUARIUM.
A Feeding Time Incident of Life In the
Balanced Tanks.

Feeding Time Incident of Life In the
Balanced Tanks.
When the decorator crab gets too big
for its shell, it does what many other
shellfish dot sheds it, emerging with
its new she'll already formed, but at
that stage of it's growth pliable and not
much thicker than paper. In it's soft
she'll state it is comparatively defense
less, and it keeps out of the way of other
shellfish if it can, but its new she'll
soon hardens, and then it goes about in
it's accustomed manner.
The decorator increases greatly, per-
haps third in size, almost Immediate
ly after leaving it's old shell, which it
scarcely seems possible it could ever
have inhabited, but it gets out of the
old shell nevertheless without damag-
ing it and leaving it often disposed in a
most lifelike form.
The decorators at the aquarium are
fed separately, SO that each will be sure
to get its portion. The food is put down
to them on the tip of a little stick,
which is shaken gently over them, and
the food, thus detached, falls within the
crabs grasp. There is no current in the
balanced tanks in which the smaller
decorators are, and anything dropped in
the water drops straight down. The
other day there were found in one of
these tanks, clinging to the ulva, two
decorators, which were supplied, as
usual, by placing their food in the wa
ter where they would be sure to get it.
Being somewhat pressed for time that
day, however, the man who fed them
did not wait to see the crabs actually
eat. He placed their food within reach
and trusted them to do the rest.
But glancing in at this tank on his
return from feeding the small fishes and
things in the other balanced tanks he
saw the two decorators that he had
found on the ulva still there and in pre-
cisely the same attitudes as before, and
then he realized that they were not live
crabs, but sheddings. He had been feed
ing empty shells. On taking them out
of the tank he found inside of one Of
them the fragment of food which he
had dropped for it, which had fallen
into it through the opening between
the upper and the lower part of the
shell which the crab had made in get
ting out.
1t may be that the two decorators for
merly residing in these shells, but now
secure in some distant part of the tank
with new shells hardening ON their
backs. smiled as they thought of the
feeding of their empty shells. 1t is GER
tain that the man who fed them smiled
as he arranged them for preservation in
the aquarium collections. New York
Sun.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
Not Much to Be Proud OF.

Clara wonder how Mrs. Young
ling can have the face to always keep
boasting about her family.
Gladys Why? 1 thought she pretend
ed that her ancestors were good people.
Clara-So she does, and yet she ad-
mits that one of them came over with
William the Conqueror. I've just been
reading about that crowd, and, good
ness but they were hard lot Chi
oago News
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

Secure an ordinary quart size red
Rhine wine bottle and by gently tap
ping on the bottom thereof break out
enough glass to allow the insertion of a
candle. A hammer can be used for this
purpose, if little care be taken. Then
wrap piece of ruby paper all around
the bottle, securing same by paste or
muoilage. The lamp is now ready for
use, and by standing the bottle on a
triangle of burned matches and lighting
the candle, will burn without any trim
ming of wick and other oil lamp incon-
veniences. The little white light ema-
mating from the top will do absolutely
no harm. New York Mail and Express.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
Tie Critic Answered.

An acute critic calls attention to
what he styles an inelegance in lead
ing article of The Pilot. 1t is that in
which the following sentence occurs: :
"And Paul said, But was born SO. !"
We are sorry it is inelegant, but it must
stand as it is, for it happens to be the
exact words of the New Testament,
chapter xxi, verse %, of the Acts of the
Apostles. The Pilot never tries to i'm
prove upon the language of holy writ.
Some afternoon when we have reformed
all the wrongs in the world and point
ed out all the faults of all our neighbors
for their reformation we may sit down
and revise the New Testament but it
will not be this year nor next year.
Somewhere along about 1898 we shall
inaugurate these important reforms
Boston Pilot.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

When the sultan of Turkey attends
the Friday midday prayer at the mosque,
in Constantinople, the garrison of 3d.
600 men is stationed along the route
in such way that he shall be safely
guarded from the moment he leaves his
palace until he is on his carpet in the
sacred edifice.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
Suited Him.

Irate Father-I'm getting tired of
this nonsense, You've been engaged to
that young man for six months. Does
he ever intend to marry you?
Daughter-You must have patience,
papa. Remember, he's an actor.
Father-What' that got to do with
n?
Daughter-He's fond of long engage
ments. -London Fun
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

Is at all times to attend to the comforts of
your family. Should anyone of them
catch slight cold or cough, call at once
on Wells & Son, Columbus; E. D. Prick
lit, Mount Holly; W. G. Jones, New Egypt;
Edw. W. Rossell, Pemberton, and J. H.
Leeds, Rancocas, sole agents, and get a
trial bottle of Otto Cure, the great Ger
man remedy, free. We give it away to
prove that we have sure cure for coughs
colds, asthma, consumption, and all dis
eases of the throat and lungs. Large sizes
SOC. and Csc
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
Curious Typographical Errors.

DR.. Daniel of the Texas Medical
journal, referring to a recent editorial
in The Statesman on typographical er-
rors, gives an amusing experience in
that line. He says he wrote, "Dr. Jno.
Bailyhaohe act "a years, born July %,
1922, and died. Imagine his disgust
when it appeared in The Journal, "Dr.
Bellyache ate "A years of corn July 20,
1922, and died. Austin Statesman.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
A Confusing Order.

1--WE get ridiculous letters from GUS
toners sometimes, 4" said bill clerk In
one of the big wholesale houses. Here
is fair sample of the manner in which
some rural retailers send In an order:
Messrs. - Please send me 600
pounds of sugar as quickly as possible
esp. S.-Never mind sending the
sugar. I have just found some in the
back room. Sioux City Journal.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

Anthropologists have ascertained that
the Andaman islanders, the smallest
race of people in the world, average less
than four feet in height, while few of
them weigh more than 70 pounds.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03
A TALIsMAN.

What uses had he for all these
This ring locked, rusty bunch Of keys9
All, this one closed his vault of wine,
And this one opened up the mine
From whence he took the store of thought
That here are in his writings wrought.
But this? Why, here he held his life
This was his latehkey, and his wife
Has thanked dear God to hear it turn.
Its place is 'mong the ashes in his urn.
William Lightfoot Visscher in Woman's Home
Communion
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

Which arise from impurities in the blood
and depleted condition of this vital fluid
may be entirely averted by Hoods Sarsa-
parilla. This great medicine cures all
spring humors, boils, eruptions and sores,
and by enriching and vitalizing the blood
it overcomes that tired feeling and gives
vitality and vigor.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1898-05-03

Seedy Individual-Can't you give a
dime to poor, homeless wanderer?
Well Dressed Individual-No homer
Why, man, you're in luck I've got
bill in my pocket for 5000 taxes on
mine six months overdue that l can't
pay. -Somerville Mass Journal.