The Mason County journal. [volume] (Shelton, W.T.) 1886-1927, 1898-12-16
A GLAD PROSPECT.
when Nations VIII Wage War In
Gentlemanly Way.


Derringer Dan laid down the publiea-
ton which chance had thrown IN his
way, and gazeo penslveiy ALL lie va
so oblivious to his surroundings ma III
invitation to refreshments rassed.whoi-
" unnoticed. 1t was the resentment
occasioned by his seeming discourtesy
that brought him to earth again. Ills
apologies were profuse.
at wouldn't of occurred, ne eX-
plained, "ef hadn't of happened to git
literary, Eve heard it said that literary
folks is always absent-minded, an sence
nv brain drawed bead on that article
kin understand what makes 'em So.
at must have been a powerful fas-
cinatin' warm" commented Piute Pete.
"'Twasn't no yarn whatsoever" was
the reply. ut was the truth"
"What was it about p
"War."
give got no use fur it," exclaimed
Three-Finger Sam. "Of course, serclety
hez cot ter be protected. Gettln' the
dots on Il man for horse stealth an
hitchin' him to q tree SOS he won't wan
der around and do ii no more is Z j'lsti~
fable proceedin'. But war is pronlia-
sc'ous an brutal. This thing D blazin
away at somebody We never was even III
terduced to is, to say the least OF It,
downright onsociable."
.The trouble isl said Derringer Dan,
that us eellers was born too soon
There amt any doubt that war, as prac-
ticed up to the present time, is mighty
iow-down coyote game o gettin' the
drop on total stranger. But civiliza-
ton is advancin', an in the course o
time it'll be jes' as purity a sport as faro
bank or draw poker. The scheme, as it
; now stands, is to see which side kin. do
the most KILN. AM as soon as one gen
eral gifts convinced that the other feller
kin STAY more people than he kin, COM
mon sense compels him to lay down and
wait fur another DEAL"
'sThat's one O. the most scholarly de-
scriptions I ever heard" remarked,
Broncho Bob, admiringly.
"These here inventors has, accord
in to that article, setatheirselves to
work to improve the implements of bat
tie, so there won't be mo chance OF
escape when they once git in motion an
NO limit to their capacity
Seems to me that's goin' ter make
war wuss'n ever" observed Rartlesnalse
Pete.
That's what thought. But the ar
ticle says as how it's goin' to result in
maxim war so deadly that nobody'll
have anything to do with it."
Its fairy story" said Pinte Pete,
positively. Its easy enough to whit
tie few chips off a lead pencil an sit
down an fgger them things cut. But
I'll bet nnythin' I've got thet there's
goin' to be misunderstanding between
different branches of the human race
right along to the end O time"
mo one says there won't be. But
they'll be settled in q more gentlemanly
way. AS fur as 1 kin make out, the
battle of the future will be lerried on
in something like this fashion: The
opposin' forces will hustle around an
pervide themselves weth all the de-
structive engines they kin lay hands
on"
won't there be no soldiers?"
Certain. Let's 'spose, fur instance,
tibet the United States has al war weth
Spain. The two generals gifts together,
an the rited States general &c uts q
certai lumber of men, into tie field.
Then tie Spanish general he has fell
Ter play u tune on the cornet an sashay
out to bring an equal number of men
into the field, remarkin', as is Gus
tcmary on such occasions: I call yer
Or, if he hez the grit, he kin bring out
still greater number of men, in which
event he will say: I see We an raise
ye,' or words to that effeck. Finally it
comes to showdown, an the United
States general says: What We got?'
The Spanish general, who, like as not,
has been bluffin', looks worried, an
says: i amt got nothin' but n pair O.
16-inch Guns, with cellulose arnlor on
the side 'I've got that beat easy says
the United States general. I've got
three Hotchkiss guns an two torpedo
boats Then the Spanish general mere
ly says: That's good,' an turns over
ez much of his army as he happened to
risk on the deal, an goes off to raise
another s. e. Of course, it'll tt.l some
time 10 ~ ulate the exact value Of the
haEds sd rcadjust the rules SOS to
make EN- fit the occasions as they come
up. But it's goin' to be a mighty fine
game, and l only wisht could sit into
it."-Washington Star.