The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1898-02-01
ENGAGEMENT, OF MARRIAGES.
Thoy Should be Defnito aud Brief, not
Conditional and Protract.d.
[From tho Now York Sun. I

from tho NOW 1CrK Sun.
This letter oropounds question
Of grave importance to society, and
invites q discussion which should be
Of general interest
"To the Editor Of the Sun Sir:
What is fathers duty for the hap
piness and welfare of his daughter
under the following conditions:
After a four years courtship gen,
tleman says that his finances arc not
sufficient for him to marry at pres
ent,' but that he will continue his at
tention and when tho future dcvcl-
ops his resources SO that he can sup
port q wife he will then marry tho
daughter. OF course, this is under,
stood between them; andit is further
agreed that If in the meantime either
prefors another, tho engagement is off,
'and he or sho cnn marry tho ono Of
his choice Such u fatuous con
tract is suggestive. Tho dim future
is dark with uncertainty, ~ applica-
BILE to tho conditions Honce tho
question.
"In recent editorial you strike
the keynote Of my question in say
ing: "Tho superiority Of tho tnmul-
tuous youthful passion and impulse
of the daughters to the experience
and judgment of tho parents wrecks
tho happiness Of too many homes.'
"Patorfamilas."
In the first place, neither girl
herself nor her parents should toll
crate a four.years' engagement, OK
cept under very extraordinary cir,
cumstanccs. 1t is injurious to tho
girl in many ways and serves no de-
sirablo purpose. The prolonged ac-
Quaintance docs not tend to tho bot
ter preparation of the pair for mar
riege, but rather to produce woari-
ness in one or the othor, which de.
cresses tho probabilities Of eventual
marriage as the time is extended. 1t
is an unnatural relation. AS a rule,
no man ought to ''court' girl until
he is in a situation to marry hor; no
has no right to ask her to become his
wife unless he is already in a condi.
ton to assume tho responsibilities Of
matrimony. Because Il mau has
conceived an affection for Il woman
he should be all the moro anxious to
save her from tying herself to him
in on engagement of indefinite dura-
ton. An attempt to bind hor by a
promise Of marriage at somo remote
time in tho future, determinable by
himself only, is pure selfshness in
him.
A betrothal is simply an engage
ment preliminary to marriage, and it
should not be entered into by Il man
until he can see his way to its full
ilment at the altar. Hence a botro-
thai ought to be announced with
scarcely .e;s formality than tho mar
riags itself. The Jews who advor-
tise Their engagements in The news
papers follow n proper and dcsira-
bic course in thus making betro.
thai matter of record rs serious
and definite obligation: "Getting
engaged" is a grave matter; thero is
in life few compacts with consequon-
ces moro far-reaching; no man wor-
thy to be husband promises mar
riage without tho determination to
we'd the girl within reasonable
time, the sooner the better. .. .....
The old way for parents to require
OF man dawdIing about daughter
to ''declare his Intentions" that is
to cay, whether he was monopoliz-
ing her company and driving of
other fellows with tho serious inten.
tion of marrying hor if she would, or
simbly to gratlfy his vanity by So
curing her preference. If man
expresses his intention to marry q
woman at some indefinite time in
the future when it is convenient 70,
him, it is not betrothal. 1t amounts