Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1898-01-05
SPINNING WHEEL.

had shaved him for many years had died
| that Sunday morning, and was to be bur-
led the next afternoon. Florence's pro
! fessional engagements would not permit
him to attend the funeral, but he would
like to do something to show his respect
| for Fritz, and his sympathy for Fritz S
| family. The boys in the shop had sub
scribed for floral tribute and had raised
S23 for the purpose. Here are $27
more,' said Florence; make it some
| tributOr he was asked, before he left town,
to suggest an appropriate mstto to be
! fixed in purple violetS, across the enOr-
nous mass of white roses which had been
ordered for the occasion something which
| everybody would understand and which
| Fritz himself would have liked Without
a moments hesitation the actor said,
| Next and the word was accepted and
adopted.
And alas!' said Mr. Jefferson, telling
the story, poor Billy himself was the
next to answer the familiar callv'-Janu-
f, airy Harpers.
'sThese shoes you sold me last week
squeak SO that they keep me awake
shoe store. my dear SIR replied the
shoe dealer, reassuringly, you shouldn t
sleep in them. "-Yonkers Statesman.
A young fellow who drank much more
than was good for him was advised by
his friends to take the gold cure, but he
refused. But" protested his friends,
your physician says that if you keep
on drinking you will surely go blind.
Now, the question is simply this: Do
you prefer being cured of the drink habit
and retaining your sight, or do you prefer
to keep on drinking and go blind?" The
young man paced the floor for some time,
and was in a brown study. Finally he
| turned to his friends, and, with a re-
signed expression of countenance, replied:
! well, l guess I've seen about every
thing"
Justice Maule once went on circuit
with Judge Coleridge in a part of the
country where the high sheriff was a
alarmed at having to entertain his Gym
| zeal lordship. Coming home in his coach
with the two judges, he thought it his
duty to make conversation for them.
He observed that he hoped there would
be better weather, as the moon had
changed. And are you such fool Mr..
Jones, as to imagine that the moon has
any effect on the weather. said Maule
Really, Brother Maule," said Coleridge,
| who was pOlitenesS itself. ''yOu are very
hard upon our friend. For my part 1
think the moon has considera BILE effect
upon it. Then said Maule, you are
as great a fool as Jones is After
which, conversation in the sheriff's car
| rage languiShed
A certain eminent judge who was re-
Gently reelected. when he was asked
about the facility with which he turned
from one case to another, replied that he
had learned that from what he saw ri q
| Baptism of colOred people when he was a
| weather 10
to lmmerse the candidates they were
obliged to cut away the ice. 1t befell
that when one of the female converts was
dipped back in the water, the cold made
her squirm about, and in a moment she
had slipped from the preachers hands
and was down the stream under the ice
The preacher, however, was not discon-
certed Looking up with perfect calm
ness at the crowd on the bank, he said
Brethren. this sister hath departed hand
me down another"
L never saw a man so cut up as old
Rox is over the death of his book-keeper.
And yet you have always said that he had
no heart and regarded his employees as
/ on the quiet. The book-keeper was about
$1,000 behind in his accounts, and old Rox
was keeping him on and making him
work it out.'-Cincinnati Enquirer.
AT political meeting in a certain New
South Wales gold mining district, the
chair was taken by an athletic miner
The candidate during his speech was
much interrupted by hootings and rough
chaff. and his chairman was soon in a
state Of boiling indignation. Smo thering
his wrath. however. he pacined the
boys by assuring them that at the end
of the candidates speech they should be
at liberty to put any questions they chose.
| Accordingly, at the end of the harangue
he arose and inquired in stentorian tones
| and in a rich Irish brogue: "Has inny
gintleman a questhion to airsk?' A
stout little Welsh miner. who had been
a conspicuous disturber Of the peace of
the evening, shuff1ed slowly up the steps
of the platform. But at the top he was
met by the chairman, who, without the
slightest warning, delivered a terrific
left-and-righter, and sent the Welshman
| sprawling on his back. "Now," roared
the chairman, 'has inny other gintleman
questhion to airsk ?'-and there was uo
response.
The Sunday school class was singing
81 Want to be an Angel"
.'Why don't you sing louder, Bobby?
said the teacher.
I'm singing as loud as I feel" ex-
| -:O:-
Sheridan, himself a brilliant orator as
well as a shrewd observer, was one day
asked how it was he got on so we'll in the
House of Commons. ''Well," he said,
L soon found out that the majority were
fools, but all loved a joke, and I deter
mined to give them what they liked
The great advantage of a joke is that it
puts the speaker at once on good terms
| with his audience Hence Cicero ,.noom-
mends it for an exordium A common
way Of winning the good will of an au-
dience is fattery. When the Jews
brought down the orator Tertullus to ac-
cuse Paul, Tertullus began his speech
with fattery of King Agrippa: "Since by
thee we enjoy" and so on. Another way,
a subtle form of fattery, is to describe
yourself as a native of the same place
or county as those you are addressing.
The forensic formula, the fustian apos-
trophe to the twelve Intelligent and pa
triotic and high-minded men, whom the
| rhetorical RuZfuS bnfOro him iS