davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
COMMISSIONER,
HON. GEORGE w. KoINEn TO CON-
MENCE HIS DUTIES NEXT WEEK.
SKETCH OF THE INCOMING OFTNRR.
Has Followed Agricultural rursuit,
Almost His Entire Life-His An
pofntment Received With sails
faction by Farmers.

Hon. George w. Koiner, tho newly-ap-
pointed COMMISSIONS OF Agriculture. VIII
enter upon the discharge OF his duties tho
first of the new year.
1t is the declared purpose OF the lnoom-
ing official that the Department OF Agr,.
culture shall DO conducted along new
lines and with a progressiyoness that Will
tend to advance the interests OF thu
farmers throughout the State. The begin
ming Of the twentieth century will 10
doubt mark a new era IN the practice OF
tho peaceful pursuits Of agriculture With
in the boundaries OF the old Dominion
That the soil OF Virginia IS adapted %
such pursuits, and may DO made TO yis'd
~abundaptly, has always been admitted
and the lack OF interest IN agriculture for
tho past decade has been a source OF 70.
greet TO those who have the welfare OF tho
old Commonwealth a. heart
In no State probably arc there 10 bs
found more beautiful farms than thoss
Of the far-famed Valley OF Virrinia. Fl,
that section through which fow the W.
ters Of tho Shenandoah. Pew travellers
who have ever set foot on tho soil OF th',
garden spot, shut in between the ranges
Of the Blue Ridge and ~Alleghauics hay,
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
NO FAITH CURE
ABOUT sTUARTs DYSPEPSIA TAB
LETS.
They Cure Stomach Troubles and In
digestion Anyway, whether You
Have Faith I'm Them or Not.

Mere faith will not digest your food for
you, Will not give you an appetite. will
not increase your flesh and strengthen
your nerves and heart, but Stuart's Dys-
pepsia tablets will do these things. be-
cause they are composed OF the elements
OF digestion, they contain the juices.
acids. and peptones necessary 10 the d.
gestion and assimilation OF all wholesome
food.
Stuarts Dyspepsia Tablets will digest
food If placed In a Jar or bottle in water
heated TO es degrees. and they will do Il
much more effectively when taken into
the stomach after meals. whether you
have faith that they Will or not.
They invigorate the stomach, make
pure blood and strong nerves. in the only
way that nature can do II, and nat Is.
from plenty OF wholesome food well d.
gested. II is not what we eat, but what
We digest, that does us good. So.
Stuart's Dyspepsia Tablets are sold by
nearly all druggists AT 80 cents for full
sized package. or by mail from the +. A.
Stuart Company. Marshall. Mich.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25

tating to cross half a mile or deep water
II need be. o
/ must say, however. that the sensation
Of sitting on the back or a swimming eie-
plant Is the reverse OF pleasant; you
fancy yourself on an enormous Darrei,
which may roll 'roun6 at any moment anu
take you under. Besides that. they SWIM
So low in the water that you are sure OF
a wetting, which in India means an ex-
cellent chance of fever.
Having crossed the stream. they must
climb to the top Of the bank. and TINS Is
the most peculiar operation OF all. Down
on their knees they go, and with trunk
and tusks dig out a foothold for them
selves. and so, step by step, work tneir
way TO the top, their position being some
times like that Of a fly climbing up a wall
AS they reach the top they give a Iurch
sideways and shoot one leg straight over
the bank. then give q lurch TO the other
side and shoot out the other leg IN the
same way, which brings them into VIC
position Of q boy hanging by ms arms
from the edge OF q roof. Then they come
TO their knees. and, finally, with a great
scrambling and kicking Of their hinu legs
bring themselves to level ground again
In spite of these perilous ascehts anu ue
scents / never knew IN elephant 10 mss
his foothold. although there was a case
where one OF the herd got stuck In the
mud and sank gradually deeper and deeper
until only his head and part OF ms Dack
could be seen. The rajah ordered zen
other elephants TO be brought up anu
thew were hitched TO the unfortunate AMI
mai and by pulling together at the given
word brought their believing comrade OUT
OF the mud with q plomp IKE inc pup VI
q thousand-ton cork.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25

rem VIII bat the saw-dust out Of you You
Amt anything but gP~ound-plank. any
how. / saw you when you didn't have any
clothes on, and you were far from pref
~. Your legs wobble, and your neck
doesn't fit your body. Before you get
through tomorrow the children will
scrape the wax off your face and use 1t
for chewing gum You'll have one eye
knocked out in less than a week, and in
w days all that yellow hair will be
pulled off your head"
The French doll baby didn't have an
other word 10 say after this. and every
thing had gotten perfectly quiet, when,
all Of q sudden. a funny little voice
spoke up mi said:
Pm homemade, and nobody has told
me I was pretty. Pm an ugly-looking
thing, ana didn't cost but 2 cents. 1 amt
anything but n rag doll. An old maid
man-u-fac-tured me. She is poor. and
didn't have a 5-cent piece TO spend for
Christmas. but she said she wasn't go
ing TO forget her children, even If she
was poor. And the children certainly
do love this old-maid aunt, anyhow.
They think everything she does is grand.
She IS the only one who can give them
medicine when they are sick. II they
want mO-las-ses cakes she must make
them; II they cry about their LESSONS
she comes in and shows them how 10
study She never did have n Ht-tle
children Of her own, but she knows just
what to do with them. Yes, this old maid
aunt made me, and I'm proud OF IT,"
"You certainly amt any beauty" said
the devil-in-the-band-box. you're so fat
faced. Your eyebrows were made with n
stub-pen, and II looks Ike somebody had
mashed your nose. And that old slat-
BONNET is all you've got for a hat"
Tho little rag-doll really looked
ashamed OF herself. and o black tear
came out OF her ink-y eyes and rolled
down on her face. yes" she said, ~
know I'm ugly, and nothing could make
me pretty. My face was made out OF two
old white kid gloves, and my hair is com
mon sheep-wool. My legs are made OF
wire and stuffed with rags. and my stom-
ach is a bail OF yarn. Thank goodness,
there amt any saw-dust in me l amt
pretty, but the children can't pull me 10
pieces. and i know they're going 70 love
HE. Ny sister, who was born last year.
still sleeps with the children. And when
that poor little girl died last spring OF
pneumonia she kept SISTER with her
all the time. and Rugged her TO the last.
The children call my sister Miss Helen
Gould, and the old maid lady who fixed
me up says I'm 20 be named Mrs John
Jacob Aston"
Then the little rag-baby hushed up and
wouldn't say anything more,
Just then ! heard something un the
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
Queer Answers.
(Chlcago News.)

Here are some answer TO examination
papers collected by a Chicago school
teacher:
THE doctrine Of evolution began with
the beginning Of life and grew higher
and higher, until It at last regenerated
into monkey. This process was so slow
that neither the monkey nor the man
knew anything about it,"
"a germ is a name applied to a par
ticular particle, tiny ~sub-bacterial or
ganism. which. when demonstrated,
causes disease"
"A germ is a tiny insect, sometimes
found in diseases or organs. Il is so very
small that II can only be seen by a tele-
scope. That IS why diseases are conta-
gious. At times 1t appears like the head
Of a pin, but 1t goes floating around in the
atmosphere"
"Habeas corpus means you may have
the head and l will take the body"
1.-The germ theory OF diseases IS con-
tinually floating around in the air, and is
very dangerous, especially when the at
mosphere Is unwholesome."
"a dowager is a widow without joints"
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
SUFFOLK,
Entertainments Passed and I'm Pros
pect-PersonnI.

pect-PersonnI.
SUFFOLK, VA, December 2i-(SpecioI)
Mr.. M. r. Withers and bride Cnee Rosa
Etheridge, OF Charlotte, ". c. arrived I'm
Suffolk on Wednesday from their bridal
trip to the North, and were rendered an
elegant reception pm Wednesday night by
the groom's mother, Mrs. NJ. Il. Withers.
at her residence, No. 139 Main street. II
was the most notable social event OF the
season, and was thoroughly enjoyed by all
who attended.
Mrs. Susie Holland has issued invita-
tons TO a reception 10 b. given at her
residence on Primer street, on Monday
night, December 18th, In honor Of her
daughter, Miss Jennie, who has Just re-
turned from Elon College, North Carolina.
and her friends, the Misses Long, OF
North Carolina
on Tuesday night. December 9th, Judge
w. j. Kilby and wife will give a reception
at their residence, on Main street, in
honor OF their niece. Miss Lucille KiIby,
OF Roanoke, who is spending the holidays
with them.
Rev. James Murray. OF H~ampden-syd-
ney college. is spending the holidays with
relatives in Suffolk.
Misses Annie Nurney and Hattie Parker,
OF the Woman's College, Lynchburg, have
como home to spend the holidays. The
latter is accompanied by Miss Lizzie War
ner Courtney, OF ~Lynchburg.
Miss Alese Urquhart. who has a posi-
ton as a teacher in Radford, is spending
the holidays at her home, in Suffolk.
Mrs. NJ. a. Gregory, mother of Mrs. j.
l.. Love, who has been critically III during
the past two weeks, Is now much better.
Her son, Mr.. Oscar Gregory, OF Florence,
S. c., was summoned TO her bedside the
first OF this week, but returned home on
Wednesday.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25

chimney. In a minute Santa Claus was
before me. whats all his racket
aboutY' he asked Those children
haven't dared 10 peep. have they? I'll take
every blessed toy away II they have
I told him that II was the fur-dog and
the devfl-in~the- band-bOx and the French
doll who were kicking up a row, and no
was very mad. His little eyes flashed
He looked around the room. and when
no saw the little rag-doll ne said: Hello,
what's this? / didn't bring this rag-baoy
here"
The little rag-doll was frightened 10
death, but she finally said: IAN old maid
sent me here. Don't n me away"
Old Santa Claus looked so kind that /
could have Rugged him. He went UP TO
tho little rag-doll, took her gently in his
hand, and said: "Why. bless your little
soul, I wouldn't give you for all these
other toys. They don't make things like
you at my shop. / wish they did. You're
made by somebody that loves little child
rem better than / do. All these little tots
will love you, and I don't blame them"
Just then little Mar-ma-duke, who
kicks in his sleep, pushed Bakers Dozen
out Of the bed. In an instant Santa Claus
was gone. and every blessed toy was as
still as a mouse. / couldn't get them TO
speak again.
Don't eat too much to-day, children.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25

won't bring 80 much pressure to bear
on me tomorrow. How would you Ike
10 be ram-med In tho stomach, old suny
Tho FUR dog called me "old stih'
because / can't skip and run around hke
children. tho 1 didn't Ike 1t mucn.
II wouldn't care for them TO press me
too hard In that spot after dinner to-mor-
row." I replied. ut would get right close
60 me-"
"Have you ever been snatched pald-
headed?' suddenly asked the dog.
| simply replied. I'm married and
then the little sheep sighed and stopped
being so sassy and spoke to me politely.
WELL said the fuzzy looking little ami
NAL. I'm in for 1t tomorrow. Before
those children get through with me there
won't be an inch OF fur on my pack'
THEY'LL tear me TO pieces and smash my
plaster of Paris nose and stave my back
in and pull the stuff-ings out OIL. me TO
SEQ what I've got inside me. by Xmas
nigbt Won won't know me. In all prob-a-
bu-itv they'll bury me i'm the ground, tho
oven hen they won't let mo rest In peace'
TbevU dig me up. and finally they'll Clip
mo with the scissors. BY and by, wheh
there's nothing left OF me but a BACKBONE
ana n match OF fur they'll begin TO love
me and after that I'll be the iaVoripe Oh
the neI~ehborhood." -,
oyou'ye got wheels in your mead saiu
,ho Observation-Disclosures, who spoke UP
his j~unct-ure. ,ooitv dog
\ / haven't" said the 49, 80
eve got wheels on my feet' An"''
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25

candle. Though Mar-ma-duke, who had
been hugging a wet dog just before ne
went 10 bed, wasn't so very sweet smell
,no himself. But as l have said, they
were all a-snooz-ing away and the maht-
81 piece looked k a clothes hne' AT OUT
house four or five of The children wear
little white socks. but you can BET your
life they didn't hang n SOCKS on that
mantel-piece No, indeed; not a bit OF 1t.
Every last little ohicky of 'em had scrap
ed I'D a stocking from somewhere anu
they got tho very biggest, --LATEST look
ing stockings they could find.
Cross street from US there lives a iaoy
who weighs 800 pounds. She cans herselt
~cor-pu-lent, which means that she's very
fat and ashamed of 1t, and will get mad
if YOU say she's gained flesh since you last
saw her. one rainy day last week my III
tie tot. Bakers Dozen, saw this lazy
walking in the rein. when her skirt was
raised up He asked his ma to let him
90 over 10 visit this fat lady, and his
ma, after wiping his nose and making him
wash his hands, said yes ala
Bakers Dozen say when he saw the big
lady? Guess. He asked her TO let him
borrow her stocking for Xmas night
The lady was talking to a gentleman
when he asked her, and she got very
angry, and sweat-y. and red-faeed. You
know some ladies wear bigger stockings
than Others, and it's hard TO tell which is
the worse-stockihgs that are too big or
stockings that are too little. About Xmas
times / like big stockings best.
80
So, as l told you before, all the babies
and children nae stockings hanging up,
and big ones, too. Santa Claus had al
ready been in the room. 1 could see that
in a minute, and j could even smell to-
bac-coi smoke, too, which is a sure Sign
he tsu't far away. And gee-wh3l-I-kins,
the stun and the goodies he had left there!
Santa Claus is mighty funny about some
things anyhow. He seems to think child
rem have In-jun-rubber stom-aehs, which
stretch so as 10 hold everything IN them.
The children think so, too. And II LOOKS
like your pa thinks he's got a right big
CAPACITY also, when he gets hold or
thai foamy stun they call egg-nog. Ca
pa-ci-ty" means something like a market
basket which holds everything you put
In It. and don't spill anything out
Yes. children, L went right in that room
where Santa Claus had been and SAT
down by the fire. G~ood-nessSit was quiet
IL smelt like boys and mutton su-el'
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
A., unsnitnhIe room.

A German lady. arriving Tor ss
time In England. drove 20 a hls,
London hotel. asked for a room,
shown mo n VERY small schttL
nished one. She said, in n deer. u.
manner. and IN very broken EhtN"'
will not have this room. ana
mo. ma'am,' said the porter
brought IN the first box. .,,re
MANI repeated the lady. emphalllNis
II will not have this room ~t
"No. ma'am." said tho porter
brought in the second box.
The lady thought her faulty tt a..
p~orter's continued o~bstinacy. ana Eepe"t
ed, with a stern dl~stinctness;
'Nan. / will have this room not nave.
mo. ma'am. said the pp{isf, 1tl
brought I'm tho thnd box. ~wherevpon ~.
lady left the room ~lndignaNtlN AAt ~
porter drew her hurriedly back across -
threshold. pulled a rope apdi 70 her n
tense establishment. the hft went uRs
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
THEIR TOYS TALKED.
THE mLER TELLS WHAT HE
LATE LAST WIGHT.
FOR BABIES AND CHILDREN ONLY.
The Fur Dog Expects go Have a
Tough Time To-Dny-Devil-fn-the-
u.,a-uox and the French Doll
The Modest Little Rag BABY.
rotyine. y. W.. peeember q. ls

Totville, y. w. December q, 1898.
Dear Babies and Children;
Chustmas-gift. little folkl what nave
you got for me?
Last night when you were all asleep
and your ma was lying IN bed asking your
ma ~ there was any chance OF his getting
hts salary raised and a lot Of other ques-
tons which she didn't give him time 10
answer. l went into u nursery. All the
little shavers in my house were shooz-lns
away and many muddy pairs OF shoes
were under the bed. We had creased the
,ohv with mutton suet so he wouldn't
get croup-y. and he smelt Ike o 'aiiow
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25

White j vas there ! suddenly heard e
still small voice. IL sound-sa way. far OF,
and u said: TIA - nis-6f able; ] want
my ma"
What was IT. Were the children talking
in their sleep? Aos IL was thoyfnr dog
Santa Claus had lott He was looking
right down ON ms from the man-tel piece
and tears were running .down his cheeks.
1t was the FIRST dog = had ever heard
eys,
What's the matter. dog; have you got
the stom-ach-achey" 2 asged.
mo-" criea-<he poor little thing, there
Amt anything In my stomach but saw
drrsf and b~rown-paper and the squeak-er
Which squeaks when the children press
- "a tina bread-basket. / 90 hope they
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
HORRIBLE.
CTft-Bits.)

Scene: A railway-carriase. First Artist
Children don't seem TO me to sell now as
they used.
Second Artist Qn a hoarse Whisper
Well, / was at Stodge's yesterday; he had
lust knocked off three little girls heads,
horrid raw things, when a dealer came In,
sir; bought 'em directly, took 'em away.
wet as they were. on the stretchers; and
wanted Stodge 20 lot him have some more
next week.
Old Lady quitting her head out OF the
window and shriekng)-Guard, stop the
train aud Laf me- ant. an III ha asriarGai
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
Why. Indeedt

At a meeting Of a Sertaip locai Nestff
lately II was debated whetber. og no =
chandelier should be purchases re- the
town hall.
well. gents" AT length put IN one
the economy members. It's a" N.ly W.
for YOU to talk o. Sas,.ns h
payers money on ewbsn Ss o@t
a w going TO play on IL
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25
How Elephants Cross n River.
Pearson's Magazine.)

II is a great sight TO see a line Of ele-
plants crossing a river with steep banks.
They go down slowly, striking the ground
with their trunks before each step, and
never making a slip or miss, although
you feel every minute as II they were
going 20 take a header into the water.
Then they wade or swim. as the case may
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1898-12-25

images Of Christ and Of the Virgin" And
he notes that the symbolical decoration
OF the tomts did not by any means imply
an exposition OF dogma or an illustration
Of the Gospels. II, in the most ancient
sepylchral chambers. Jesus appeared only
as the worker OF miracles and without
those distinctive characteristics which
testify TO the divinity. we know that He
is present everywhere under the lovable
figure Of the Good Shepherd. Indeed. IN
the celebrated Chambers Of the Sacra-
ments I'm the Catacomb OF st. Callixtus.
Christ is represented as a beardless
youth, arrayed In the Roman costume.
prevailing at the period I'm which the
picture was painted, n being rather n
symbol than a likeness Of Christ.
There are many freseoes in the cata-
combs representing the alteration Of the
Mag, in which Christ is represented as
an infant seated In the lap of His mother.
In the scenes OF the Gospel. such as the
raising Of Lazarus from the dead, the
sacrifice Of the bread and wine. the hap
tism IN the Jordan. and other such
scenes. II is evident that the figure of
Christ Is not intended 10 be looked upon
as a likeness"
AN ANCIENT FRISCO.
II is rare, IL not impossible, 10 meet I'm
tho Catacombs with an attempt az MAX
ing a likeness OF Christ. at least before
the fourth century. In the welllknown
Catacomb OF ~. Sebastian. on the Old
Appian Way. a discovery was made some
years ago which throws light on the mode
on which Christ was sometimes rem
resented in the Catacombs. A fresco on
tho semi-circular ceiling OF an arcosolium
or tomb inserted under an arch, show
ed. among other subjects. the child
Jesus lying In a Manager. somewhat re.
sembling a table supported on four feet
and behind Ii the heads of the OK ssd tho
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1898-01-08
ACT LII.

This act opens three days later. In
the late afternoon. The police are
drawn up behind the parapet on the
Eva side of the tree, each wing
protected by detachment Of the
mounted reserve. At the intersec-
ton Of Vineyard and Fort streets
stands the Hawaiian army with
artillery in the centre.
General of police-The fateful day
has dawned. See the citizens upon
the walls and in the trees. l shall
send flag of truce to the enemy
Commander in Chief, Hawaiian
Army-Here comes a craven flag white
as their hearts. Sirah, is this an en-
sign of truce or a simple poi flag?
Messenger-It is a poi flag so Please
your grace. My General demands en-
trance through your lines to obtain
some poi for his famished troops from
yonder China shop. He also demands
tribute Of three small pigs and if these
righteous terms are not met he will
advance upon your lines with imme-
date haste.
Commander in Chief-He will re-
turn with the same incOnsiderate speed.
Tell him it is war to the knife and
thence to the hilt 1t is Millions for
defense but not one pig for tribute.
[ shall have the honor to fire upon
his lines when the red sun dips into
the blood red sea. Messenger returns)
General-So be it. The omens are
with US See the accursed tree stands
with shivering leaves trembling
through all it's limbs.
Commander in Chief-(Turning to
his staff The Gods are with u.s. Note
that whirling cloud above their lines,
black as night and terrible as a Kan
sas cyclone. Steady men, here they
come.
Five minutes later the Commander
| in Chief and the General find them
! selves in an adjacent yard, rubbing
their heads, and looking in daZed Won
! der at their torn clothes.
Commander in Chief-Merciful Heav-
ems! I reckon a cyclone struck us.
! Where are my troops?
General-Scattered by the four winds
to the four winds and so are mine
See that tree? The Casus belli is up
torn by the very roots and lies pros
trate.
Commander in Chief-Then all is
over
Generate is even so. Shake hands
old man, and we viii cut this tree
into small kindIing wood and roast
innumerable pigs and eat the sooth-
ing poi, and our followers shall dine
in peace around the festive board
while the gay dancers shall appear be.
fore us.
They grasp hands.
Both-It shall be grand pig luauau
without a single hOw-wowwow.
Curtain. d. l.. Y.