The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1898-07-13
Current Humor.

Current Humor.
she-when you married me you said
you were well off.
Hell was. but 1 didn't know it.-Tit-
Bits.
The Fourth Of July is at hand, but this
year the country will spend more money
for bareback than for crackers.-Boston
Transcript.
skeptical.-He-I love you.
"a you sure. or Is this merely
based on a rumor from Mole st. Nicholas?
Cleveland Leader.
Fond Mother-what do you think baby
will be when he grows up?
Exasperated Father-I don't know; q
town crier, likely.-Tit-Bits.
He DO you believe in marrying for
Shell don't know: but i believe in d.
vorcing for acknowledgements Star.
AFTER all our mechanical progress, 1t
Is dash that wins the war"
"Dash? All. yes. Just as General Sher-
man said, war is -."-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
Tommy-faW WHAT Is the eas'eih e"es
ton?
Mr.. Tucker-The eastern question. I'M
less am greatly mistaken, Is "Haow
d. ye dew?'-Chicago Tribune.
Father-what shall I read tonight An
Children-No. we don't wan a fairy
story this time. Read about Jonah.
Little Elmer-Pa, what is an extempo-
raneous speaker?
Professor Broadhead-One who can talk
nuently about nothing without any pre-
vious preparation.-Puck.
Glory for the Brave.-"The last meeting
of our euchre club was very exciting
"what was the sensation
1--WE elected Dewey and Hobson homo
rary members. Chicago Record.
At the Tea.-Jones-Miss Verbose has
Just embarked on one of her converse
tional voyages.
Smithers-Yes. and her escort is over
bored already.-Boston Traveller.
Terms.-Bond-Don't you realize that
marriage broadens a man?'
Benedict-Oh, yes; l suppose IL can De
puts that way. but 'hattens' is the word
I've always used.-Boston Traveller.
An Enemy of NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
does not enjoy a very wide popularity
does he?
,Jack-No. he is the sort of chap who al
ways wins at poker.-Philadelphia North
American.
The Limit of vanity.-Mamma-I don't
think much of dot young man vots calm
on Repecca.
Papa-He's too much shtuck on himself
luf. Wv. dot young fool would as soon be
paid a compliment as a bil.-Puck.
She Knew Him.-"often, dear. during
the war I shall pine for the girl left be-
hind me-"
Eyes, you act as II you meant me. but
I'll wager you will think more often Of
Bridget. "-Detroit Free Press.
Tommy-Did you do much fighting dur
ing the war. pa?
Pal did my share OF II. Tommy.
Tommy-Dld you make the enemy run?
Pa-You'rc right, I did. Tommy.
Tommy-Did they catch you. pa?-Tft-
bits.
ct see. sir" the editor said, that you
have rhymed again with rain
Yes, sir" the Office poet assented.
well. It doesn't go. II may be all right
In the weather report. but you are hired
as a poet."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Martial spirit.-"what is going to
be the most fashionable fabric this sum-
mer?' inquired Mau6e.
81 don't know for sure replied Mamie,
but from reading the newspapers l
should say gun cotton.
Star.
Where They ExceIled.-"we," the Span
ish minister said, "are a little shy in our
batteries, ] must admit
yes" his optimistic admirer admitted,
ssb,,t ala aver see ANYTHING that beat
our fleets running for basesT'-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Conductor-Say. can't you read7
Man with q Cigar-Of course i can.
Conductor-Well. don't you see that
sign that says: gents Will Not Smoke on
This Carr
Man with the Cigar Indignantly
want you to understand. sir, that 1 am no
r gent."-Chicago News.
'It's all very well to talk about the man
who makes two blades OF grass grow
where one grew before. but The Har-
lemite gazed around his new nat discon'
tentedly. but the man who builds two
houses on a lot where was only one.
Being an old sufferer, he soon mastered
his emotion.-Puck
Mr.. Litchfeld. the art dealer, when ex'
htbiting some panels of tapestry. tele-
praphed for the return OF one thus: "Senc
panel eight by ten. Venus and Adonis
: Iitohheld." A puzzled clerk sent on th'
message TO the city of Litchheld, and re
oeiyed the reply: NC such firm as Venus
& Adonis known here. Try Manchester.
-Tit-Bits.
Lionel Brough tells a story OF an OLD
country sexton who, in showing visitors
. around the churchyard. used to stop a
one particular tombstone and say: "Thii
ere is the tomb of Tummas Copper. an