The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1898-10-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY

Landlady-"What do you think Of
the cheese?" Boarder Well, it has
its strong points. STANDARD.
What we call aping in case of mon.
key, we call fashion in the case Of men
and omen.-Fliegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Youngwife-'I'm very sorry,
darling, but the cake is heavy" Mr.,
Y.-"Ah, see; it was the light that
failed"
Parker always exaggerates every
thing so." eyes; he can't even start
ali account at the bank without over.
drawing it. "
"The.e are very much worn," said
the shopkeeper. "Well, then, show
me something quite new, said Mrs.
Butterpup.-Pick- Up.
First-Nighter-"What! Every seat
taken?" Ticket-Seller-"Every one,
But there will be plenty after the first
act. l saw a rehearsal. "-Tit-Bits.
Mickey-"Say, Jimmy, what does
pyrotechnics mean?" Jimmy-"Awl
dat's Jest what folks call fireworks
when dey wants ter put on lugs"-
Puck.
"You seem to have no aim at all"
said the Elderly Person. 81, " replied
the Idle Youth, "do not need any. !
am not going into the navy. Indians
Journal.
Friend-'I suppose you've had
some hard experience?" Returned
Klondiker-"Oh, yes! I've seen times
when we hadn't thing but money"
-Tid-Bits.
He-"Could you learn to love man
that had no employment" She
"Well, he'd be around so much that I'd
have lots of chance to practice. st.
Louis Star.
She-"So Mr.. Sapper has just cele'
brated his golden wedding" He
"Golden wedding? Why, he's only just
got married." She-"Yes, but the
girl has 100000.
"Thoss Perkins girls seem to be
popular" Popular? Their father
has advertised for bids to build
barb-wire trocha around the house"
Chicago Record.
Fools coast hills that angels fear to
tread. You can't always judge a mans
speed by the make of his wheel.
Scorch and the world will scorch with
you; nope and you'll fall behind.
The General-"I have stood un-
moved when shells were bursting
around me. Could you?" Romeo
Barnstormer-"W that would de-
pend great deal upon the age of the
eggs. Life.
Mr.. Newlywed (after the first fam.
lily jar)-"We'll live in fiat, that's
all there is about it," Mrs. Newlywed
Its bad enough to live with flat
without living in flat. Adams
Mass. Freeman.
Optici,n--"My dear sir, your case
is hopeless" Customer-"And am l
doomed to blindness?" Optician-'It
is inevitable. / think you'd better
look at my beautiful line of artificial
eyes at once. Jewellers Weekly.
She-"Doesn't the elimination Of
the word obey from the marriage ser.
vice show that women are becoming
more independents" He-"In my
opinion it shows that they are bccom'
ing more truthful. Cincinnati Eli
quirer.
Smith-"Did many OF the passen-
gers 60 to hear DIR. Fourthl.- preach in
the main cabin this morning. Brown
-"Yes; but most of them left when
he announced his toAt?' smith
"What was it?" Brown-"CGst thy
bread upon the waters. y
Hoax-"What keeps Churchmouso
so poor?" Joax-"He has a bad
memory for faces" Hoax" What
has that to do with it?" Joax- "He
can't remember his creditors, and they
pounce on him in the street before hc
can dodge. Philadelphia Record.
"Why, Mr.. Grumpy exclaimed
his old friend, whom ho had not seen
for years, ''your daughter looIs lusl
the same as she did when baby"
'Well, she's not the salnc by good
deal. Then you could never get her
to sleep. Now you eau never get her
to wake up when you want her TO. -
Detroit Free Press.
"a gentleman who had grown
wealthy was in the habit of t.l lug his
children out of the city FOR drive. and
showing them a one-story house, point
ing it out to them, with pr 'e, 40 the
place where they were born, says an
exchange. A cyclone demolished the
house; and upon the next witt one OF
the children exclaimed, "oh, dear!
desrl We were not born anywhere
nowl"