Evening star., 1898-12-31

The Philosophers Views On Lieut..
Hobson's Recent Performances.

Peter Dunn in the Chicago Journal.
IF I'd been down to tn Audjioteroom tn
other night" said Mr.. Hennessy, 'an' had a
chunk iv coal firm III sunk Merrimac, I'd
iV handed it to that man Loot Hobson l
wud SO. TIL idee iv a hero standin' up be-
fure thousans iv men with families an be-
in assaulted be ondacint females. 1t made
me blush down to tn soles iv NE feet. IL
they let this thing go on, be hivns why do
they stop tn hoCtchy-kootchyY
Evidences iY affection Is always odJious
to an Irishman,' said Mir. DJoley. AN TO
all reel affectionatc people. But me frind
Hobson's not TO blame. 'Tis tn way tn
good Lord has iv maxim US cow'rds con-
tinted with our lot that he niver med a
brave man Yet that wasn't hail a fool. I've
more slnse an wisdom IN tn back iV me
thumb thin all tn heroes in tn wurruld.
That why l amt n hero. If Hobson had
intelligence he'd be wurruk;n in tn post
office, an if amy oil hen thried to kiss him
he'd call fr tn polls. Bein' young an
foolish, whin me frind Sampson says, is
they amy man here thatN take this OF
coal barge in beYant an sink II an save
up tn thrcuble iV dhroWnin' on our way
home" Loot. HCbson says, says he: Here
l am, cap, says he. IN take IL in, he
says. AN seal mp tn fhated CASTLES, he
says, so that they can niycr get out he
says But lie say IN lave a hole f'r
thin to get oGt whin they want to get out
he says. An he took some other la-ads-I
frget their names-they wasn't heroes an
nyhow, but was wurrukin' he tn day-an'
he wlnt in in his undeTclothes. SOS not to
spoil his suit, an tn CASTLES hurled death
an destruction On him an ii niVer touch
ed him no more thin ii did annoy wan else
an thin they rescued him firm himself an
locked him up in tn polls station and fed
him tn best they knew how, an he wint on
letcher tour an here he is.
On tn fluTe iv the MerTimac, IN his light
undherclOthes, Loot Hobson was a sthrong,
foolish man. On tn stage iv the Aurjioto-
room, bein caressed be women thatd kiss
tn Indian in fr-ront iY a see-gar shtore if
he didn't carry tommyhawk. he's sttll
foolish, but not sthrong. 'Tis so with all
heroes. Napoleon Bonypart, the impror iv
tn Fr-rinch, had many carryin's on, I've
heerd tell, an ivry man knows that whln
Jawn Sullivan wasn't in the FIRING he was
no encyclopedia fr intelligence. No wan
thried to kiss him, though. They knew
betther
An Hobson'H larn. He's young vet. tn
loot Is, an he's goin' out TO tn Ph'lippeens
TO wurruk fr Cousin George. Cousin George
Is no hero, an usn't on record that amy
wan iver thried to scandalize his good name
be kissin' him. I'd lave, If | was fool
ish woman, which, thanks be- I'm not hug
a whitehead torpedo as Cousin George.
He'll be settin' up on tn roof iv his boat
smokin' good see-gar and wondhrin' how
NANNY iv tn babies named afther nim'll
be in tn pinitinchry be tn time he gets
back home. Up comes me br-rave Hobson.
Who ar-re yc, disturbin' me quite% says
Cousin George. I'm hero says tn loot.
Ar-re We, faith? says Cousin George. Well
he says. 4 can't do anything fr We in that
line he says. All tn hero jobs on this
boat he says, is competently filled he
says, be mesilf.' he says. 1 like to see tn
wurruk well done he says. So he says.
1 don't thrust It TO amy wan, he says.
With TIL aid iv small boy who can SHOW
el more love letthers an pothry overheard
than amy wan I iver see,' he says I'm
able TO clane up me hero business befure
noon ivry day he says. What's ye'er
name?' he says. 'Hobson.' says the loot.
'Niver heerd iv ye,' says Cousin George.
'Where'd ye wurruk last" Why says tn
loot, I'm tn man that sunk tn Ship he
says, an I've been kissed be hundherds iv
women at home, he says. is that SOP
says Cousin George. Well, l don't believe
in sinkin me own ship he says. 'Whin I'm
lookin' fr divarsion iv that kind l sink
somebody elSe'S, he says. ''TiS cheaper
As fr tn other thing, he says III less We
say about that tn betther,' he says. IF
some iv these beauchious Phlippeen bellies
ar-round here hears, he says. that ye're in
that line they may call on We TO give We a
chaste salute he says, an, he says, fr-
get he says, to take tn see-gars out iv
their mouths he says. 'Ye desthroyed a
lot iv coal, We tell me- he says. Do ye.'
he says, go downstairs now an shovel up a
ton or two iv it he says. 'Afther which,
he says, We can roll kag iv beer into me
bed room he says, fr Ills dhry wurruk
settin' up here watchin' expansion expand
he says.
That's what Cousin George'n say to tn
loot. An whin tn loot comes back he
won't be hero amy more. an If amy
woman thries to kiss him hen climb a
three. Cousin Georgell make a man iv
him. Tis kicks, not kisses, that makes
men iv heroes"
We'll, maybe ye're fright" said Mr..
Hennessy. Hes nawthin' but a kid amy
hcw-no older than my oldest boy an
know what a fool he'd be if amy wan asst
him to be more iv a fool thin he is Hob
sonH be famous, no matther what foolish
things he does.
Il dinnaw," said Mr.. Dooley. 1T was
headed f'r him, but m afraid as the bull
yard players d say-fame's been kissed
off,