Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1898-04-18
just FOR FUN.

UC1 COiuO wv!
Poor Ways! He was a. most genial
soul. Yes, indeed he was. The only
thing he ever felt seriously was the
cold that carried him off.
Fair Visitor.-What lovely parrot!
(To parrot Polly want a cracker?
Polly Cautiously Did you make it
yourself?
Jimmy if there's war, are
you going? Pop.-No sir. Your ma
has been the man of the house for the
past year.
Is your baby Misunderstanding
Why, if she wasn't, she'd never be
able to understand the language my
wife talks to her.
Browne arting you know is sweet
sorrow. Towne.-Guess you never
had quinine capsule part just after
| you put it in your mouth did you?
Weary Watkins Kindness always
pays. I always believe in helping a
lame dog over the stile. Hungry Hig
gins Well, MANY dog has helped
me over the fence.
Mrs. Barton.-What cold creature
that Mrs. Clammish is! Mrs. Hemling
Yes, but it's hereditary. Her father
made his fortune in the refrigerator
business.
Mamma.-Has Mr.. Dorrence given
you any reason to believe that he
means business? Clara.-Business I
should think he Gid mean business
Pm sick of the word business. All he
has talked about the last three times
he has been here was papa's business.
Why does Mrs. Murray Hill 50 cor
daily hate Boston? She went there in
the interest Of the Society Of Colonial
Danes and was snubbed by the
Daughters of the Peloponnesian War.
The jury was out several days and
then failed TO agree. That shows the
folly of masculine juries. A jury of
women would have disagreed much
sooner than that.
Have you followed my argument
thus far? inquired the gentleman who
was short on ideas and long on words
Yes, replied his impatient friend;
but tell you candidly I'd quit it's
company right here if I thought [
could find my way back.
Awful Error.-I'll never forget the
time took my good old aunt from
the country to see Shakespearian
revival at one of the theatres Did
she like it? Like it? I found out that
she would never have gone at all but
for the impression she had that re
vival' meant something religious.
Professor of Astronomy. = How
many of the planets can be seen with
the naked eye? Dear Little Girl
eyes in Boston.
He "a bachelor) No, Pm not an
advocate of marriage. You know the
scriptures tell us that there will be no
marrying or giving in marriage in
heaven. She.-Of course not; the
bachelors will all be in the other place,
no doubt.
Betsey, an old colored cook, was
roaming around the kitchen Que day,
when her mistress asked her if she
was ill. No, ma'am, not zactly, said
Betsey, but the fact is, 1 don't feel
ambition nough to git outen my own
way.
This gentleman, said the phre nolo
gist at the open air performance, is
close observer-a very close observer.
So much SO, continued the phrenolo
gist, that I doubt exceedingly if he
would have been here tonight had we
charged any admission fee.
We're ruined, exclaimed the editor,
utterly ruined! Why, what's the mat
ter now? We advertised sheet music
as premium to subscribers, did MT
we? Well, our miserable contempt
rary over the way is giving away
pianos to play it on.
Two sons of Erin sharing the same
bed, as we'll as the same bottle Of gin.
Pat waited till he found Mike slept,
when he quietly arose and emptied
the bottle. Soon after, Mike, waki ing,
stole out of bed, and cropping about in
the dark, was asked by his compan-
ion: Phwat are yez looking fer, Mike?
Oh, nothin! says Mike. Well, Mike,
says Pat, yell fond it over there in
the corner of the bottle.
torpid liver robs you of ambition and
ruins your health. DeWitt's Little Early Ris-
ers cleanse the liver, cures constipation and
all stomach and liver troubles.