The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1898-10-19
THE PhASTERER.

lHE IIANl EkEk.
Maria, -" observed Peter Grigwell to
his better half as he decapitated his
second eGg-laid in Germany--at tho
domestic breakfast table, II suppose
your strongly developed feminine pro
clivities will not allow of your forogo-
ing for once in way tho delirious do
lights of thorough spring oleaning?'
If Peter, in plain English, you
mean that you wish mo to shirk my
duty rs British housewife by neglect
INK To clear away II twelyemonth's ae-
| emulation of grimo and oobwebs, you
| suppose correctly, rotortod Mrs. Orig
well i'll II dry, matter of fact tone of
voice that ought To have silenced any
average man
But Potter had become so acclimatiaed,
as 1t We're, to his wife's very own style
of oratory that it had ceased to impress
him over SO slightly.
Twelve months accumulation I" no
cried i'll well feigned astonishment.
why, | have always lnbored under tho
impression that tho house was kept
pretty clean week i'll and week outr'
Pretty Glenn, Of course, :" returned
Mrs Peter, with sniff and toss of her
head, "but tho carpets aro not taken up
weekly. But perhaps you have been so
absorbed III the consideration Of weight
Ter matters that you have failed 10 no
tice such detail as that. " This wns
said in Mrs O. s. most sarcastic vein,
but II only elected IL gruif "lIumphi"
from her husband, 70 she returned to
the charge with: "1hen look mt tho
ceilings. You cannot truthfully deny
that tiny require whitening, and badly
too E"
. suppose tho process is ineyitable, "
observed Peter triAo weaiily mo
homo complete without it, So 10 speak. "
Il should think notl exclaimed tho
Indy in II ringing voice of triumph
"Thore is ono thing ! am fully do.
torminod upon though, said Mr. Orig
well calmly, "and that II | ann not so
ing to be mulctod to tho snmo tuno ny
was last year Dasher's bill was par.
alyzor. \ few moro like it would com
pol mo to undergo tho process Of white
washing myself "
What do you intend to do them"
asked Mrs, Grigwoll in voice as hard
AZ the primgst cut of beefstealt.
81 intond answered Peter in self
reliant tone, ITO whitowash myself. ="
eyes, p" observed Mrs. CIigwoll
swoetly--bittcr swoetly, in fact--"but
who IL going to whitowash tho coil
ingsy'
Peter gavo his vito II penetrating
glance having hazy notion that sho
wa ng 20 get Mt him, az tho saying
goes. but AS sho bore his gimlotlike
stare without hinching lao appeared
satisfied and said:
"Yoa, l am determined tn distompor
they call it that now in tho bill-tho
ceilings entirely myself. See?'
Mrs Grigwell felt tho situation to
bo desperate indeed. but knowing from
experience gained in tho past how ut
terly futile would any attempt BIO ON
her part to reason with tho self opinion.
atod Peter, sho determined to try tho
object Of ridicule.
"Peter Grigwell " sho suid in her
most whitening manner you will
surely never DO quito such an idiot az
TO attempt to whitewash tho ceilings of
this house?"
Madam" retortod Mr. Grigwoll
grimly, your rennrks AFRO in exceeding
ly bad taste and i'll become tho vito of
a farsceing husband whose sole intent
Ia tho welfare Of his family and to pre-
serve them from being plundered by
rapaeious distompering demons
You will find that your silly fad
will cost you dear in the end, retorted
Mrs. Grigwoll, with derisivo laugh.
"Boshl' 70 said Peter hotly THAT'S
just tho way-but, there. what's tho
uso Of arguing with woman Lommo
start with this room tomorrow at 10
sharp. You hear Maria, at 10 o'clock. "
Pctor spent the remainder Of tho fore
noon in getting together all tho old
newspapers in tho house, and with the
aid Of large lobster tin full of paste,
u brush and II pair Of garden shears he
fashioned from several Of tho broad
sheets mysterious looking things bear
ing weird resemblance to Unfortunately
TODlnH ITbuhtIb huA al AAIhuhlNb tJab
with balloonlike sleeves.
Next morning Peter was up i'll good
time and got about mixing his white
wash in zinc bucket, so as to DO in
readiness for his work AZ soon as break
fast was out Of tho way. BY 10 O'Clock
tho course was clear for Peter to com
mence his wrestle with the distemper
business. He, with calm politeness, re-
quested that he might BIO left alone, rs
he required no assistance and the whole
| thing would BIO done within an hour.
Mrs Grigwell gave her husband pity
! ing look, then silently'left him to his
own devious devices
Then Peter set to work in desperate
| earnest. With number Of newspapers
he enshrouded the various articles OF
furniture, then spread a further guam
tity all over the carpet. Next he pro-
ceeded to invest tho walls with tho or
der Of tho paper collar, as ono might
term it, Al this done, Peter looked
around upon his handiwork, smile OF
satisfaction meandering across his face
as he did So
"Who said It was impossible to white
wash ceiling without spelling every
| thing in tho room?" he soliloquized.
"Ill show 'em how it's done.
The self satisfied Peter then proceeded
! to conceal his own rotund form with
the mysterious paper combinations pre-
viously mentioned. Certainly his ap-
pearanee was more that of circus clown
than Of respectable ratepaying citi-
zen, especially when he concluded his
toilet by placing ON his massive tsome
called 1t fat) Uranium paper cap OF the