The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1898-08-10
PHILOSOPHER DOOLEY.
Learned Discussion of MiIes's Porto
Rico Campaign.

Finley P. Dunno, in Chicago Journal.
Dear, OH DEAR. said Mr.. Dooley, I'D
give five dollars-an' I'd kill man FIR three
an down with Gin'ral Mies's gran picnic
an moonlight excursion in Porther Ricky.
It's no comfort in bein' a cow'rd whin We
think iv thin br-rave la'ads facin' death
be sufiication in bokays an dyin' iv waltZin'
with tn pretty girls iv Porther Ricky..
ont dnn iaH whether Gnral Miles picked
FIR him. But. anyhow, whin he got to
Santiago de Cuba an looked around him,
he says. to his frind, Gin'ral Shafter:
'Gin'ral,' says he, we have done we'll SO
far he says. 'Tis not FIR me to take tn
lorls firm tn steamin' brow iv a thrue hero
complate tn victllry We have so nobly be-
gum, he says. FIR you he says, tn wal
Top in tn eye, firm the newspaper ray
porther,. tn r-rhound robbing an tn sun
sthroke,' he says. FIR me tn hardship ov tn
battlefield, tn late. dinner. tn theayter
psF. Gather he says Pf tn fruits " yeer
bravery he says. Rayturn.' he says to
yeer native land an rayceive amy graft
own family, he says. FIR me-, he says,
there is no way but FIR to TURN me back
upon this festive scene he says, an go
whore jooty calls me- he says.
'Ordherly,' he says. put a bottle on tn
ice an see that me goold pants that wear
with tn pale blue We vest with tn d dim but
gard face he walked aboord tn excursion
steamer an whit away.
I'd hate to tell We ~ tn thriles " tn ex-
Porther Ricky, Gin'ral Miles gazes out an
says he: This looks like good place to
hang tn hammicks an have lunch says
he. Forward, brave men, says he, where
We see me di'mon SPARKLE says he. For
beloved counthry,' he says. An in they
wint like tn INTREPID warryors that they
ARE.
ton firm TIL town of Punch consistin' iv tn
mayor, tn common council tn polls an
fire departments, tn Gr-rand Army Nv TIL
Raypublic, an prominent citizens in car
s'Gin-ral Miles, maxim a hasty tielet, adj
vanced onfiinchingly to meet thin. Gintle-
men, says he, what can 1 do f'r We? he
says
ity, FIR to offer ye. he says, 'th r-run Nv tn
town he says. we have held out he says,
as long as cud.' he says. But he says,
'they'se a limit to human endurance he
says. We can Withstand We no longer he
says. We surrender. Take us prisoners an
rayceive into ye'er gloryus an well-fed
raypnblic,' he says CO., ~
congratulate ye,' he says. ON tht' heeroism
iy ye'er definse. he says. Ye stuck man,
y TO Wpndher tbat v envy afed f
me to come befure surrindhern,' he says.
I welcome We into tn union he says
it. but that's no business iv mine he says;
we will get ye'er wur-rkin cards firm tn
walkin' dilgate,' he says an yen be en-,
Titled he says, to pay ye'er share iv tn
taxes an to live awhile an die whin We get
r-ready, he says, jus tn same as if We
was BORN at home he says
I don't know tn names iv We, but I'll
call We all Casey FIR short he says. Put
ye'er bokays in tn hammock, he says, an
rayturn to Punch he says, AN freeze
parched with tn labors of tn day. he
9TH r-rest iv tn avenin' was spint in
dancin' music an boat ridin', an an mi
yable time was had. TIL mex day tn army
moved on Punch, an Gin'ral Miles
marSrched into tn Inflated city preceded
be flower girls sthrewin' r-roses an garan-
yums befure him. In tn AFTERNOON they
was a lawn tinnis party, an at night tn
gin'ral attindid a banket at tn Gran Pal
ace Hotel. AT midnight he was serenaded
be TIL Raymimber tn Maine banjo an man
dolin club TIL entire popylace attinded,
with pork chops in their buttonholes to
show their pathreetism.
9TH mex day. afther breakfastin' with
Mayor Casey he set out on his weary
march over tn trough fower-strewn paths
FIR San Joon. He has been in great purl
firm a witherin fire iv bokays, an he met
an overpowered some iv tn mos savage
heerd Nv him he had pitched his tints an
ice cream freezers near tn innings wall
an was gradually silencin' thin with proc
lamations."
They'll kill him with kindness If he
don't look out said Mr.. Hennessy.
II dinnaw about that" said Mr.. Dooley.
but / know this: that there's tn maxim
iv gr-reat statesmen in Porther Ricky. A
pr-roud people that can switch as quick as
thin la-ads have nawthin to Earn in tn
way Nv what Hogan calls tn signs Nv gov
ernmint.' even firm the suprame court"