Evening star., 1898-07-30
HIS IDEA OF CHILDREN


with regard to children" said the I'm
married Man, who doesn't look quite SO
n.ean as he talks. ''if should ever acquire
a family of my own I'm going to arrange
the household game in suitable sort of
way. in accordance with some ideas"
You're jay" put in the Married Man.
ideas of my own. 1 like kids. That is,
L like to look at EN- when they're all pret-
tied up. / can't stand for them when
they're smudgy, when their fingers are in
crusted with sugar and butter-and kids
always grow affectionate with me when
they're in this shape. When they're all
starched and done up in the late afternoon
and look nice and kissabIe they give me
the go-by and pay no attention to me until
after they've returned from the vacant lot
covered with mud Then they appear to
like me heap. You know Toms boy Dick,
dent you? Well, that boy has got me
charted just right, and consequently his
bulge on me Is something huge. When L
run uptown to see Tom and have a talk
with him-you know what pals we were be-
fore he got married-this boy always shows
up in the room, and, by the looks of him.
he always appears to have just got through
playing a combination of tag, crack-the-
whip shinny, mud-chucking and few 9TH
er dirt-co1lecting amusements of childhood.
Well. this boy in dresses comes rearing and
talking and he knocks down everything In
his way in his frantic efforts to reach me.
He climbs up on my best pair OF S!o
wCrsted trousers, involuntarily wiping MS
shoes and hands thereon, and he claws my
hair with his grimy little paws. and sticks
his fingers in my eyes, and hollers at the
top of his voice in my left ear and in gem
eral he puts 1t on me good and hard. 1
have to sit and hold the whelp and grin
like a chessy-cat as il 1 enjoyed it, and
Tom, the yap, looks as If he thinks L m en-
joying it. l don't feel like getting on my
ear and saying to the boy Get down out o
this, you brat, and go and have somebody
swab the mud off YOU because that would
make Tom sore and we've always been
pretty thick. Well si-, do you know that as
soon as Tom gets up suddenly, to go up
stairs after a pipe or cigar or something.
that kid hops off my lap and sneaks TO the
far end of the room, and then looks at me
out of the tail of his crafty eye, as much
as to say, No, you don't! I'm onto you!
l know that you're just aching to give me
one good swat for luck! But If you do
that, you've got to do it while my paws
around. that's all! And then, just as soon
as Tom shows up again, that foxy, fiendish
boy tackles me again, and pulls my hair
and ears all the harder, and, say, talk
about a man getting red-headed-'
You're a blooming crank, said the
Married Man.
ried Man, II like to have the kids around
me about ten minutes at stretch, when
they're all primped and prettied up, and
toilet -watered, and all that I rather like
to pick 'em up then, and look into their
pretty green or blue or brown lamps, and
hear em say things that the women call
cute. So, If ever l acquire mob of kids
of my own, I'm going to live In a fiat
house about twenty-five stories high, if
there are any such in Washington by that
time. My wife and myself are going to
reside in fiat on the second floor. and the
kids and the nurse are going to have a
couple of rooms up on the nor'-nor' east
corner of the twenty-second floor There'll
be electric bell in this nursery that.
when it rings. will inform the nurse when
L feel disposed to hold personally conduct
ed interviews with my kids. When the bell
rings the nurse will proceed to tog the
kids out in the freshest and prettiest
dinky things the kids clothes chests cor
tain. and scent their hair with extract of
lilacs and groom and police 'em in gen.
eral, and then bring them down 10 the
second floor in the elevator to see me. I'll
inspect EN-, and If they're all right and up
to the limit, I'll talk baby talk with them
for while, providing I've learned how in
the meantime, and chuck 'em under the
chin, and gallivant around the room lit
tie, and let them tug at my watch chain
ard play horse with me, and all that, until
one of them let's out the first bleat Upon
the emission of the first squawk the nurse
will appear and forthwith remove the
whole bunch to the twenty second floor
again. / figure that the first howl viii net
be due for about ten minutes after the
kids begin their visit with me, and this
will be about long enough, anyhow, I can
see them, say, for ten minutes in the
morning before going to the office, ten min
utes during the luncheon hour, and prob
ably whole fifteen minutes during the
evening, after dinner. Now, | am willing
to leave it to two unprejudiced minds
amt that about the real thing?"
Are your wife's interviews with the
children to be restricted to the periods
during which they are to be with you?''
inquired the Married Mans Wife.
''Oh, no. she can see 'em any old time or
all the time. so long as she always looks
nice when 1 come in"
My boy" said the Married Man, of
after you're married, and have got fam
lily of your own, any geezer suggests any
such game as this you've just sprung
you'll up and hit him on the nose. Come
over here and let me hit you on the nose"
And then the Married Mans four chill
dren were let in, and they played with the
Unmarried Man.