The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1898-07-28
On Corn Cob Alley
The Observer Lives ana Breaths.-Tbe
Tourist Effulgence Around the
Depot.

|
people might think that living down
here on the banks of corn cob alley,
where one hears nothing but the
kerchug of the bull frog and the
hooting of the hoot owl, that / have
nothing to be thankful for. But /
have. The smells we have down
here are, at least, not unlike those
we would find at similar places un-
der like conditions. And there is
plenty of water here. OF course, it
is not lavender water nor carbonated
juice, but when given half chance
it removes dirt, scab, foot rot, bolts
and other moral obliquities. / know
it, because those who have tried it
told me So.
Therefore the smells we have down
here are no better and no worse than
the worst. They are bad, goodness
knows. They are continually at
their worst. The smells are full of
malaria, microbes and other pesti-
ferrous animals. Every morning the
microbes come around seeking whom
they my devour, sometimes trying to
work me for life insurance, and then
again to sell me an encyclopedia that
1 didn't need and would't know how
to find things in it if did.
That Is one great trouble with en-
cyclopedias. They contain so much
information that is of no earthly use.
[ am a good deal that way myself,
;fhd, as u rule, do not enjoy read
ing encyclopedias very much, any
} way. They are so disconnected and
contain so many big words tf which
1 do not know the meaning.
Also, every now and then, another
microbe with a patent washing ma
chine comes around to innoculate
me, but he can't work it. / have a
washing machine right. have the
"Seek no Farther" which will re-
move any nuisance except an Office
seeker or tourist smell. Nothing
will remove them.
1
train had gone an hour before, but I
didn't know it, and therefore / had
time to observe party of tourists in
all their effulgent odor, which is not
like anything else known to finite
mind. They sat in the depot watch
ing their baggage, and there was nc
more danger that anybody would
steal it than they would yellow
fever. but the tourists didn't know
it. No doubt, all smells smelled
alike to them. They were from
somewhere in the Netherlands, as !
could tell by their attire, and they
, looked as if they had walked across.
They also smelled like it, and as if
they hadn't washed their feet since
they started. One of the men chang
ed his socks at Boston. He dropped
: one and it broke and the other got
l away and went down the railroad
+ track and wrecked freight train.
, They will now build new depot as
!, the only means of removing the
smell of those socks.
1t was an extremely hot day, SC
warm that it melted the brass door
knobs off the vanished cars. The
tourists sat in the depot where they
had plenty of room to allow the odors
| to radiate. The rest of the people
!, radiated and got out. They sat on
r the trucks and trunks and railroad
, ties outside, anywhere to escape the
+ smell of the tourists, who sat inside
watching their baggage and smok.
ing.
The pipes they smoked were beau
ties, too They were evidently the
same that Wetzler used when he
took Mt. Pleasant but pipe or two
made no difference. Everybody was
panic stricken before. After they
were through smoking the depot
authorities cut the odor out in great
chunks with dull cheese knife, and
thus cleared it of all solids, but the
: smell still remained.
{ The faces of the tourists We're seal
f ing off in blotches like a tea kettle
, that has more lime than it can hold.
All manner of substance scaled off,
and If one had had a curry comb he
, could have done very effective and
profitable job. But perhaps it was
better SO.
Presently their train came and the
tourists were hustled off to their car,
with baggage, smell and all, that is,
, the most effective and boisterous
smell, but much remained. There
was so much that nobody cared to
occupy the depot for the remainder
of the season, and the only way to
thoroughly fumigate it will be to
burn it down, have since heard.
AS the tourists pulled out of town
| could see that the other passengers
suddenly remembered that they had
important business in the car ahead,
which took so long that they didn't
get back. The tourists are gone and
/ may never see them again, but their
sweet smell haunts me still.
s---~--.