The herald., 1898-09-18

What They Would Do
In AIger'S Place
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The interviewer Of the Herald was for;u-
nate enough yesterday to secure, by the
thought transmission process lately dis
covered by him, a number of expressions of
the views of well-known and representa-
tive men of the city upon a subject which
is now prominently before the whole coun-
try.
OF each one of the gentlemen the question
was asked, What would you do If you
were in Secretary Ayers placer
Following are the replies:
M-y-r S-y-e-r-Well. now, really, had
black ribbon around the portfolio and hand
i; back 20 the President. without comment.
Then / guess 1 would go back to Michigan
and saw lumber. l never could stand 1t to
have people criticise me in my official Ca
pacity, you know. You ask Bob IL could.
Tn G-bb-n-What would do? Lemme
see. o. yes, l have It; l would shave on
those fog collectors, and otherwise dis
guise myself; travel incognito across the
country, and drown myself in the deep and
placid waters OF San Pedro harbor,
and as the gurgles came into my throat
would softly murmur: Here goes moth
ing" and sink from sight forever.
Fax W-gg-ns.-Me? o. l don't know.
Guess I'd go and crawl down the muzzle Of
one Of those dynamite guns on the Vesu-
vius after leaving instructions with the
gunner to point her at the North Pole, and
pull the string at sundown. I'd do some
thing of that kind, anyhow.
J-nn-e M-r-Well. l hadn't thought
about that. l am pretty well satisfied with
my own position with the company. you
know think, now that you have got me
started thinking about it, though. that l
would ask our Mr.. Huntington for the loan
of his private car, and start across the
country on a triumphal tour. I'd make
these people who had been roasting me sick
at hear;. I'd show em that a man with the
pull l had is all right, under any and all
circumstances. I'd have little private
talk with Coils, too, and see what could
be done toward sidetrackng this old mega
phone, Miles
H-n-y D-c-w-l-r-Td go crazy.
Mir D-nn-ll-I would quit running for
office I've about decided TO. anyhow-that
is, WELL l mean If l was Alger-I wouldn't
stand /: to be criticised like he is. I'd get
the G.. A. r. to help me, and I'd lay 1t all
on to my subordinates, and get out of it
somehow, you bet your life. I'm too we'll
known in this county, and my war record
oh, you mean if l was Alger. himself; that's
different guess I'll have to take little
more time to look up the law-come In
again some time.
Jim T. G-f-y-Td resign and come out
to California and buy lots down at San Pc
dro. I'd see this man Gaffey the first thing
and look over his property down there. They
say he's got some fine snaps. He's easy
to bunco, too, If you only know how to go
at Il. 1 wouldn't have anything more to
do with these government positions; there
isn't enough in 1t. I'd stand in with Peter
Martin and ]. Downey Harvey and john
ME Bradbury. and a few more Of these good
things out here. and let somebody else run
the government. l never did like job that
you have to work at, anyhow.
Mir H-ra-e Bill should issue at least
twenty thousand challenges to mortal COM
bat at once, and I'd kill every man who
accepted the challenge, damme, II 1t took a
year.
j. S. S-a-s-n-You will have to wait un-
til Newberry gets back from Washington.
NV position as head of the war board pre-
vents me from saying what l otherwise
might Come around after l resign and
will ell you whether I'd commit suicide or
go and live in a cave in Kamchatka. 1t
wouldn't do for me to talk now.
l.. T.. M-s-er-O, say, can't you wait un-
til 1 can get word back from Manila. I
wouldn't like to say now whether would
jump off the top Of Washington Monument
or try to get myself kicked to death by an
army mule. l wouldn't be foolish enough
to try to blow my brains out, If was Alger.
anyhow In fact, don't know Just what
would do now, but can find out and let
you know.
H-n-y G-ge-O, I'guess Parker and Os-
borne could fix things up all right for me.
All this verbiage don't amount to anything
anyhow, when q man has the support OF
some good people
R. ]. Wt-rs-I should tell all the people
who tried to criticise my actions that they
were the riff-raff and off-scourings OF CIV
ilization and they ought to be dumped
into the slopbucket of social discomfort.
It's shame the way poor people abuse
aristocratic gentlemen. They seem to think
that because they are allowed to vote they
are just as good as anybody else.
Gift G-a-s-If I was Alger I wouldn't