Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1898-01-22

you hay reasonably expect 10 DE served.
Should he accidentally drift In your direc-
ton. and you should direct this inquiry at
him with all humility. he flattens you out
with:
"Ohduh he suhv'd. sub. wen it's dun
radey.'
Gets No Tips.
When you rise. and look at your over
coat, and then look expectantly at the surly
waiter, he thinks over the proposition for
a moment. apparently. and then. as a man
granting a concession. he helps you on with
the overcoat. He also considers, obvious
ly, whether he will hand you your hat or
not OF course. you do not tip the surly
waiter, for you are so mad clean through
that your meal doesn't set right. As you
go out, your mind is employed in wonder
ing whether your suriy waiter has made
1t life principle never TO accept a Zip I'M
der any conditions. and therefore acts
cordingly. or whether he has generated
some secret grievance against you in par
ticular. OF the surly waiter. of whom IL
has already been said that he is too numer-
Gus to mention in this town, II only further
needs to be said that he requires severe
kicking. and then complete extinction.
The laundering waiter is TO be found here
in greater numbers than elsewhere. but
he is with us. all the same. There are two
sorts Of him. The first is the genuine
paretic. whose memory seems to be disap-
pearing at a gallop, as you perceive every
time he attends you, and who is pitiably
SOrrN ana repenldnt Wnen you ten MIN lfldt
he hasn't served you right The second Is
the careless attendant who hates you, any
how. and imposes upon you out OF pure IN
different dislike. and when he is called to
account for his weird departures from your
directions, impudently maintains that he is
right and that you are absolutely wrong.
''Yo, all dd'n' ohduh line'ace puhta-
tubs FUN me. suh-did'n' say nothin' bout
no LINEAGE putatuhs." and he stands and
glares at you in fashion that makes you
remember suddenly that the implement
used at parlor socials is also said to be &C.
casionally carried in common life and you
subside You'd very much rather have
dealings with the laundering waiter, who.
when he brings you totally wrong order.
goes all to pieces with remorse. thus:
'Ah suht My ahm by, sub, deed All
is; All dun thought yo' all said, etc.
Makes Odtous Comparisons.
In Washington, more than In any other
city in the United States. is the waiter who
thinks, and shows that he thinks, that you
ara a pretty poor lot compared to some
other people he waits on-'membuhs." for
instance. He gives you the second table
of childhood all over again. and he does 1t
with a vengeance. He might be termed the
exclusive waiter. and he always waits in
exclusive places. Into one Of these You.
an ordinary. plain citizen. wander, filled
with light and hope and hunger. and prob
ably quite q little degree of pride fitting
your station: and you emerge feeling like
what Chuck Corners calls 't'irty cents"
On entering the establishment you don't
feel particularly embarrassed discom-
fitted at finding yourself in the society CT a
few neil whose names the newspapers
have made: but after the exclusive walters
have ignored you quite completely for ff-
teen minutes or SO. and cast sundry
glances upon you as an Intruder into the
company of the great, You become either
embarrassed or mad-most likely the lat
ter. When the exclusive waiter finally
does approach you, examining you as he
approaches as you would examine some
thing In glass case at the National Mu-'
seum-only then do you begin to perceive
the exclusive walters actual haughtiness.
And when he has patronized you through
out your meal often quite utterly abandon
ing you to a marooned fate for long periods
Of time when you want to give an addI-
tional order. you do not love the world as
ven did before