The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1898-08-04


"Then | maroon him. He's left to
his fate. When one of my men dis
graces the navy by gettin' so full that
you have to bale him out l throws Off
the line and aban'ons him."
"Yet that same captain was one OF
the most successful of the old-time
navy men.'-Detroit Free Press.
Gilbert, the librettiSt, met Liebling,
the pianist, not long ago, and the fol-
lowing Interchange occurred between
them, writes Lew Rosen in the Wash
ington Post: Liebling, you must know
has all inordinate vanity, and Gilbert,
as you do know, has caustic wit.
LiebIing was introduced to Gilbert,
and Gilbert said: "Sir, l have heard
List" Liebling bowed his head in
acknowledgment at what he supposed
was the coming compliment. II have
heard Henry Hertz" continued Gilbert.
Liebling bowed still lower. II have
heard Paderewski." Liebling made a
genufiection even unto the ground.
"Well, SIR continued Gilbert in
abrupt tones, mot one of them-not
one of them, sir, perspires as freely as
you don'
Father" asked Tommy, the other
day, "why is it that the boy is said to
be the father of the man?"
Mr.. Tompkins had never given this
subject any thought, and was hardly
prepared to answer offhand.
"Why-why," he said stumblingly,
''it's so because it is, l suppose"
"Well, pop, since Pm your father,
I'm going to give you ticket to the
circus and half crown besides. 1 al
ways said that if l was father 1
wouldn't be so stingy as the rest of
them are. Go in, pop, and have good
time while you're young. l never had
any chance myself
Mr.. Tompkins gazed in blank aston
ishment at Tommy. Slowly the sig
nihcance of the hint dawned upon
him. Producing half sovereign, he
said:
Take it, Thomas. When you really
do become father, hope it wont be
your misfortune to have son who is
smarter than yourself.'-LOndon
Graphic.
A little old woman with sharp
nose and sharper tongue was in the
country grocery store buying supplies.
Among other things she brought in
from her cart was a bottle SCARED jug
which she ordered to be filled with
treacle
At last when her purchases were
completed, she began looking over the
account, item by item, before paying.
"What's this 2" she exclaimed "You
have charged me for two gallons and
half of treacle.'
Eyes, ma'am.''
"But that jug holds only two gallons"
"1ou must be mistaken. measured
the treacle carefully, and it took two
gallons and half to fill it,
sigh, Il don't mind so much having to
pay for the treacle, but | do object to
having the old jug strained by your
putting in half gallon more than it
will hold."-Strand Magazine.
"John," said Mrs. Plimley, Il want
you to promise me something."
"What is it, dearie?" Mr.. Plimley
asked.
Il saw in one of the papers, the other
day, that the United States would
probably take the Canaries away from
Spain"
Eyes, unless the Dons sue for peace
right away, l guess Uncle Sam II go
over and gobble them"
eff that is done, john" Mrs. Plimly
went on in trembling tones, II want
you to promise that you will buy at
least half dozen of them for me"
"Why," Mr. Plimley exclaimed,
"what would you want of them? I
don't see the joke"
"Joke?" cried Mrs. Plimley; "there
is no joke about it. 1t is too serious a
matter to joke about. Just think how
the poor things will be treated if they
fall into the hands of people who take
delight in abusing everything that be-
longs to Spain or is Spanish. The poor
little canaries can't help it because
they happen to be Spanish ones. So if
the United States takes them I want
all we can afford to keep. Then 1 shall
know that they, at least, are not made
to suffer-"