Mesa free press., 1898-05-20

"Your sister got married last night,
didn't she? Were. you the best man? p
'sNaw-but I was the worst boy
Truth.
Ada-Jack says he wouldn't marry
the incest girl living. Dolly-Pshaw!
AS If I'd have Philadelphia North
American.
Might Be Gratified.-He-What Is ne
singing? She-"Let Me Like Soldier
Fall" He-If only had gun!-Pick-
Me-Up.
Bill-Tm the greatest hand for dream
Ing fish stories. Jill-That's probably
what makes you lie awake so much
Yonkers Statesman.
'T was In an elevator once that fell
fifteen stories to the basement" "Dear
me; how did it feelY II never was
so taken down in my ife."-Truth.
Customer-Is this what you call q
strong cup of coffee? Waiter-Yes,
sure. You could hardly break one OF
dem cups wit q ax.-Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
"You must be crazy" "MustT' "That
Is the word. If you won't be insane
continued the lawyer for the defense,
Il see no way Of saving your neck.
Indianapolis Journal.
while Miss EItz was away George
took her parrot" Anything happcnY'
II don't know; she keeps the parrot
down cellar, and the engagement Is
off."-Love and Folly.
In the Asylum-First Patient (scorn-
fully)-Go on! You have wheels in
your head. Second Patient (proudly)-
OF course I have! And they're chain
less wheels at that!-Puck.
Sunday School Teacher (reading to
class)-And some fell by the wayside.
Tommy becoming suddenly interested)
Il didn't know they rode bikes in those
daysLYonkers Statesman.
Harry Darling, / am unworthy Of
you. Mabel-Oh, Harry, If yon and
papa agreed on every other point as
well as you do on that how happy we
should beLIllustrated Bits.
would 1t be right to call house
mover a shoplifter?' asked the ambi-
tious boodler. Hardly" said Asbury
Peppers. "He Is apt to be house
breaker, though Cincinnati Enquir-
er.
Advantages of College Education. =
She (who has just come out'D-What
does "Quo Vadis" mean? He famous
halfback, '97)-"What are you giving
usY' or something like that.-Brook-
lyn Life.
Lady Guest Ito hostess}- l
couldn't eat another hot roll, dear. I
don't know how many I've had already!
Freddy Sitting opposite)-I do; you've
eaten eight! I've been counting. -Bos-
ton Globe.
The Dun-I hope you won't be offend
ed If / remind you that we are very
much In need Of the money? The
Dunned-Not at all. If anybody,s go
ing to be offended. it is yourself.--Bos-
ton Transcript.
Billy Blink (boxing instructorl-Great
Scott! That was an ''outer" you gave
say? Amateur GUST learning) oh,
that's horseshoe put it there for
luck.-Tt-Bits.
Teacher You are painfully slow
with figures, Tommy. Come, now.
speak up quickly. If your father gave
your mother a $50 bill and $40 bill.
what would she have? Tommy-A fit.
-Harper's Bazar.
Foxey-Did you send the Borems a
card for your musical? Mrs. Foxey--.
Yes; how could get out Of it. Foxey
We'll, I'll tell Borem that Smith Is go
ing to come. Borem owes him money.
Philadelphia Record.
Wallace how women give up
their plano playing and singing as soon
as they get married. Ferry-But they
don't. That is just canard started by
some woman to encourage matrimony.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Judge The officer says you were
drunk and d1sorderly. What have you
to say for yourself? The Culprit-
Drunk, perhaps. your honor, but not
disorderly. A drunk is always in order
with me.[Indianapolis Journal.
"Do you really mean to stand by
what you say about retiring from pub
lie lifeT' inquired the intimate friend
just before an election. "How do
known responded the politician. I'm
no prophet. ."-Washington Star.
II trust" she said, patronizingly,
''that you are true artist-that you
confne your efforts to an elevated
plane" "Assuredly, do, madam"
was the reply. Il am frescoer and In
variably work with ladder. Wash
lngton Star.