The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1898-09-18
A Mans housekeeping


cleaning?
"If. Peter. in plain English. you mean
that you wish me TO shirk my duty as
British housewife by neglecting TO clear
away a twelve-months' accumulation OF
CRIME and cobwebs. you suppose cor
rectiy,' retorted Mrs. Grigwen.
Twelve months accumulation he
cried, in well-feigned establishment. why,
/ have always labored under the impress
sion that the house was pretty clean week
in and week out"
Pretty clean. of course. returned MRS.
Peter with a sniff and toss of her head.
"but the carpets are not taken up weekly
But perhaps you have been so ABSORBED
in the consideration of weightier matters
that you have failed TO notice such de-
tail as that"
Il suppose the process is inevitable.
observed Peter. a trifie YEARLY. NO
home is complete without II. so to
speak"
II should think not" exclaimed the la
dy, in a ringing voice of triumph
There is one thing ] am fully deter
mined upon, though said Mr.. Grigwel,
clanly. and that is, j am not going 10
be mulcted to the same tune as l was
last year. Dasher's bill was paraiyzer.
A few more like ii would compel me to
self"
What do you intend to do, then?" ask
ed Mrs. Grigwen. in a voice as hard as
the primest cut of beefsteak.
81 intend" answered Peter. in self
reliant tone, ito whitewash myself"
Yes" observed Mrs Grigwell, sweetly
bitter sweetly in fact; but who is go
ing to whitewash the ceilings?''
Peter gave his wife penetrating
glance having a haZy notion that she was
trying to get at him, the saying goes,
but as she bore his gimlet-like stare with
out iinching, he appeared satisfied, and
said:
YES, I am determined to distemper-
they call it now in the bill-the ceilings
entirely on my own. See?"
Mrs Grigwel felt the situation to he
desperate, indeed, but knowing from ex-
perience gained in the past how utterly
futile would any attempt be on her part
to reason with the self-opiniated Peter,
she determined to try the effect of ridi-
cule.
Peter Grigwell," she said in her most
whitening manner, you will surely never
be quite such an idiot as to attempt 10
whitewash the ceilings of this house?''
Madam" retorted Mr.. Grigwell, grim
ly your remarks are in exceedingly bad
taste, and i'll become the wife of a far
seeing husband, whose sole intent is the
welfare of his family, and to preserve
them from being plundered by rapacious
distempering demons"
You will find that your silly fad will
cost you dear in the end" retorted Mrs.
Grigwell with a derisive laugh.
"Bosh!" exclaimed Peter, hotly. That's
just the Way!-but, there, what's the use
of arguing with a woman! Lemne see,
today is Wednesday; 1 shall make a start
with this room tomorrow at 10 sharp. You
hear, Maria, at 10 o'clock.
Peter spent the remainder of the fore
noon in getting together all the old news
papers in the house and with the aid of
a large lobster tin full of paste, brush
and pair of garden shears, he fashioned
from several of the broad sheets mysteri-
Gus looking things bearing a weird re-
semblance to inordinately roomy trous-
ers, and an expansive coat with balloon
like sleeves.
Next morning Peter was up in good time.
who said it was impossible to white
wash a ceiling without spelling every
thing in the room?" he soliloquized. "Fn
show 'em how it's done"
The self-satisfied Peter then proceeded
to conceal his own rotund form with the
mysterious paper combinations previous
ly mentioned. Certainly his appearance
was more that of a circus clown than
of a respectable rate-paying citizen, es-
pecially when he concluded his toilet by
placing on his massive (some call 1t faD
Uranium a paper cap of the orthodox su-
gar loaf shape so much affected by gro
tesques of the sawdust However, there
was nobody present to see him, so what
did it matter?
Up the handy pair of steps sprang Pc
ter, bucket and brush in hand and with
out unnecessary delay he made dash No.
at the ceiling-whch, by the way he
had forgotten should have first been wa
ter washed-with the brush heavily
charged with the identifying mixture. The
result was not quite as the amateur dis
temperer could have wished. A far great
er percentage of the whiting descended
in thick shower on Peters paper dit
toes than went on to the ceiling, 10 say
nothing of sundry big splashes dropping
upon various parts of his upturned face,
causing him to sneeze 50 Violently as to
very nearly lose his balance and toppie
of the stepgs ANONYMOUSLY TO the floor.
After ten minutes wild dabbinS and
splashing, Peter thought he might as well
assist exhausted nature bv blowing the
fragrant weed during work, Just as
So he came down from his perch. found
his beloved briar, charged it with some
of Taddy's Myrtle Grove" and lighted
II with a Brtish-made match. This lat-
ter he-British workman-like-dropPe
while still aflame on TO his improvised pa
per drugget.
No sooner had Peter again mounted his
saw tohis dismay the dcvouriny element
Swimming along the floor. Down scutued
the alarmed distemperer, with the inten-
ton Of stamping out he b.aZe. B1t alas!
IN the excitement of he moment Door Pc
ter forgot the nature of his improvlsed
overalls. The next moment the tongues
OF the fiery serpents crawling on the floor
had licked Peters rad mades" and he
was soon franticalIy occupied in tearing
off the paper covering and burning his
hands to a rather 'suiphury" tune.
The situation threatened To develop IN
to something serious, a the fire had COM
menced to mount the walls, 50 Peter was
reluctantly competed 10 Hing open the
door and veil FOX assistance.
Mrs. Gr.gweu rushed forth from the
back regions. and, giving Wild ook into
the room, fed. screaming. to the street
door, which she flung open. and then she
proceeded TO Shrek out:
Fire! fire! Police! policeF'
Suddenly a great commotion was heard |
in the front. the street door was thrown
violently open and -helmetsd fig |
ure doomed family through the thick /
smoke which filled the entrance hall The /
next instant a shining copper tube was /
pushed forward into the room, and before /
Peter could find breath 10 tell the man /
who pointed the nozzle fun al him that /
all danger was past. he WAS almost OF /
his feet by a powerful jet OF water which /
drenched him TO the skin
However. he soon found MS tongue SUI I
eosrr.r.- .. oxarUhafr, thA fireman in i