Daily capital journal. (Salem, Or.) 1896-1899, 1898-06-14
POST MoRTEM TROUBLES.
Sorrows of the Statesman's Man and
Other Good People.

Sorrows of the Statesman's Man and
Other Good People.
AID Waldemar Nelson was an inof-
fensive man when he was alive. He
never harmed fly, but he's causing
lots of trouble since he died. lie was
dyer. This is not pun, perpe-
trated because he's dead, but he dyed
clothes, hats, feathers or any old
Thing. He dyed to live for a long
time, and finally died because he
didn't want to live, or didn't make a
living by dyeing. This is paradoxidal,
but nevertheless true.
When Ad took arms against sea Of
troubles and by opposing ended them
by decidedly unanimous vote, the
laws delay got in its usual work,
about appointing an administrator.
It's.not likely, however, that Adis wor'
ryIng oyer this now, but there are
others.
Waldemar had been preparing for
his demise long time in a sort of
Sunday school sense, but there were
numerous bundles of old clothes that
had been dyed and not delivered, and
numerous others that had been de-
livered Ito Adj and not dyed, at the
time he decided to nip his career
abruptly in the bud. No definite
provisions had been made concerning
these in Waldemar's will, for several
reasons, chief of which is that he left
no will,
A friend of Nelson's came to the
rescue as executor pro TEN. 1t was
thankless job. 1t soon grew monoton-
Gus. He didn't object to going in sthe
dye house mot vault or morgue)
and handing out dyed clothes, but
when sympathizing females kept pest
ering him aud asking: Ibid he die
happy ?" and twas he in love ?" lie
turned them over to the German re-
porter on THE JOURNAL who is some
what sentimental, but the women fin
ally made him mad and he said:
"HimmelSaperelement Das ist cine
heillose Geschichte und geht mich gar
NIGHTS an ! Sic muessen mich ex-
coosen. Nehmen sic das alte Nacht.
hemd und machen Sic dasz Sic fort
kommen, Donnerwetter, ,noch einmal."
Nelson's dyeshop is in The JOURNAL
block and lots of people whose inten'
tions are good, stray into the sactum
and want to transact business.
The oiice boy and the stenograpcr
are Kept busy at times explaining
that no more dye'ng will / done by
that man Nelson, but that the violets
will deck his early grave. Even the
auste-e Business manager OF the
JOURNAL brought down his last sum
mer's vest to be dyed the very moin-
ing the sad news reached here of the
passing of Waldemar.
This in face Of the fact that The
JOURNAL gave the only correct
account of how AID went over the
great divide.
1t was only last Saturday; it seems
scarce so long ago, that one OF tie
bright and ever shining lights of the
great StatcGman, tlmidly walked into
THE JOURNAL editorial rooms. He
carried blue cotton umbrella under
one arm and a large bundle from
which protruded TIE faded legs of a
pair of sausage colored pantaloons,
under the other. He asked in accents,
oh, so mild: "Where is Mr.. Nelson"?
HE don't live here" grufiii replied
the horse editor.
al mean Ad Waldemar Nelson, the
dye man. He isn't in his shop"
"He has shuffled of his mortal
COLL" was the answer.
~ beg pardon sir, 1 don't under
stand"
O"He's in the realms Of bliss l hope
"Sir?"
"He's gone up the hume."
WHAT"
''He has crossed the Stygean river
I tell you"