Mesa free press., 1898-04-22

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country.
Perkins Ito Jenkins)-I heard this
morning that Barlow has been arrest
ed. What has he done? jenkins
Everybody.
Miss Ethel-I wonder If that gentle
man can hear me when sing7 Maid
OF course he can. He Is closing the
window already Tit Bits.
"What do you think Of woman's
rightsY II think" replied the shoe
clerk, "that they ought to match WON.
ans lefts.' Chicago Post.
Patience What is the cheapestlook-
Ing thing you ever saw about bargain
counter? Patricia husband waiting
for his wife.-Yonkers Statesman.
Magistrate The evidence shows that
you threw stone at the man. Mrs.
McDuff-An' 1t shows more than that,
yer honor. 1t shows that hit him..
Mabel-You should see the French
Count who Is dancing attendance upon
me. Susie -Ah, French dancing mas
ter, dear2-Philadelph,a North Ameri-
can.
Charles Bragg-Yes, Miss Blightly,
1t costs me ten thousand dollars a year
to live. Miss Blightly oh, Mr.. Bragg,
do you think It's worth it?-Boston
Traveller.
Ledgerby-It does seem good to see
old Daybuke back at his desk after his
long Illness. Bilfile-You bet 1t does
| was afraid 1t was another case Of So
all round for floral tribute. Chicago
Journal.
II have doctors certificate here
that cannot sing tonight" said the
prima donna. 'What?' roared the
manager; 'I'll give you a certificate
that you never could sing. detroit
Free Press.
Mrs. Wabash-Mrs. Lakeside Is GO
ing to celebrate his golden wedding
next week. Mrs. MAMMA tan You don't
say so! Mrs. Wabash Yes; she will
then have been married fifty times
Town Topics.
Ethel-Isn't 1t strange that Flossie
attracts such intellectual men? Maud
Oh, no; she told me she always planned
her gowns when they talk to her, and
that gives her face that interested ex-
ion.-Harper's Bazaar.
do you really mean to stand by
what you say about retiring from pub
lie lifei" inquired the intimate friend
just before an election. sHow do
know" responded the politician; 'Im
no prophet. Washington Star.
Miss Thirtysmith lmeaningly)-An
Italian proverb says that honest men
marry soon," and Jack Swift (sol-
emnly)-I can not conceal it any long
er; 1 live In deadly fear Of being at any
moment arrested for embezzlement.-
Puck.
sI don't know which is worse" NUT
tered young Blunderheads at the swell
reception, retreating to a corner and
wiping his perspiring brow; ''but be-
lieve I would rather be run over by
train than to step on one"- Chicago
Tribune.
did you ever go into dark room,
where you couldn't see any one, and
yet something seemed to tell you there
was some one there y asked the spiritu-
alistic medium. "Oh. yes!'' replied the
man; It used to have that experience
often, in my courting days. ."-Y Yonkers
Statesman.
Blunderly Cooking at female por-
trait)- Great gracious! What a hideous
face. Where did you find that sdtterl
Artist (coldly)- That, sir, Is portrait
of my sister. Blunderly-I beg your
pardon My mistake, I'm sure. After
ali, / ought to have noticed the family
resemblance Bits.
Magistrate-Yo were drunk, Of
course, when the huld-up men went
through you? Battered-up prisoner
was, your honor. Magistrate They got
everything you had, suppose? Batter
ed-up prisoner thing, your hon.
or, except a two-dollar bill had in my
watch pocket. Magistrate The fine
will be two dollars. Call the next easel
Chicago Tribune.
'I do so enjoy being at sea, away out
Of sight Of land" said the ingenue. 1T
is romantic" assented the soubrette. 81
hadn't thought of that. But when !
look all around and see the horizon at
the same distance everywhere, there
comes over me delightful sensation OF
occupying the center Of the stage
Indianapolis Journal.
First shade-What ails that hump
shouidered fellow that just arrived last
week I? | rarely see him at his seat late
ly. Second shade-Hc claims to have
been bicycle crank while on earth;
but what that may have been know
not. At any rate, he has constructed
q very peculiar machine with a couple
Of old halos.-Puck.
"Of course, sir, need scarcely say,
in giving you my daughter, that ex.
pect her to be surrounded with all the
luxuries to which she has been accus,
| ton,cd - UCortaiDJv cir TPT hod onv