Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1898-12-22
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problem of mans eXistenceT Get
ting his own consent to crawl out OF
bed in the morning"
Minister'S Wife-Tommy Crowther,
you haven't washed your face to-day.
Tommy Crowther-'Talnt Sunday
San Francisco Chronicle.
"Georgie, don't you see that Jane Is
taking your candy" II don't care.
It's the kind that always makes her
sick. "-Clcvcland Plaindealer.
Mrs Wackum-How did that naughty
boy of yours hurt himself? Mrs. Snap
per-That good little boy of yours hit
him ON the head with n brick.
Algy-You say she only partially re-
turned your affection? Clarence-Yes.
She returned all the love letters, but
retained all the jewelry.-rit-Bits.
Goldsborough-You may say what
you like about Ricketts,, but he's as
good as his word. PoindeXter-But con-
slider how many bad words he uses.
4 Tangled Web. -Tommy-Pa. why
are single women called spinsters? Pa
I expect it's because they are always
spinning II web to catch u man.-Lon-
don Fun.
Progress.-''Thcy say the Friday SUI
pcrstition has been exploded in Spain"
"Indeed?" Yes; they've come to think
that one day Is just as unlucky as an
other."-Puck.
"IIe says his soldier life reminded
him constantly of home and mother"
"IIow was that?' "They wouldn't let
him sleep late in the mornings. Chi
cago Evening Post.
ado you think Boeckle, the tailor,
would give me credit on suit Of
clothesT' "Does he know youT'
mo" 80, In that case he would"'-
Das Klelne Witzbatt.
Coal dealer anXiously)-lIold on!
That load hasn't been weighed. II
looks to me rather large for a ton.
Driver-'Taint intended for ton. It's
two tons. Dealer-Beg pardon. Go
ahead.
NO" he said, II don't care for poetry,
Fact is l haven't time to read much OF
anything" why" she sweetly asked,
don't you try to learn to roll your
cigarettes with one hand I'-ChicagO
News.
"This dog, madame, would he cheap
at one hundred" Il would take him,
but am afraid my husband might OBJ
ject." Madame, you can get another
husband much easier than dog like
that"-Life.
Visitor TO sexton digging grave In
churchyard-Who dead? Sexton
Old Squire Thornback. Visitor-What
complaint? Sexton without looking
up)-No complaint; everybody salts
fied.-Tit-Bits.
EYES," remarked the Widow Tacum,
before we We're married | used to adj
mire John because thought he was SC
noble. continued to admire him after
wards; but 1t was because he was such
| q splendid humbug"
Aline--Isn't 1t sickening the way Miss
| Cp-tO-date tries to put on mannish
airs? Anna-Perfectly Pretended tC
lose her collar button this morning
when she knew all the time where II
was.-IIarper's Bazaar.
~ understand you won the blue rib
bon, so to speak, In the examination
for the civil service" "I-ah-would
hardly call it that" answered the mild
young man. Let us say won the red
tape" Journal.
Tommie-IIullo, Jimmie, what KEEP
you? Jimmic-Ne and the OF man had
an argument. He wanted me to hau
some wood into the back yard. Tom
mellow did 1t end? Jimmie-In a
draw-I drawed it.-Truth.
"Why Is a merchant who does not
advertise like a man In n row-boat!'
asked the student. "Keeps going back
ward" guessed his friend. mo; he Is
trying to get along without sales,' said
the neutrality-suspicious. Spokesman-Re
view
She-BefOre we are married and 1t Is
forever too late, confess to me whether
there Is anything in your past life that
you think | might not approve Of. He
(trembling)-Well, If you must know
all, l kept diary for nearly three
weeks once.
Mistress-I saw two policemen sit
ting in the kitchen with you last night,
l}rdget. Rridget-Wcll, ma'am. ye2
wouldn't hoy an unmarried lady be sit.
tin alone with only wan policeman
| u-or1I vny7 Tho other wan WAS n
chaperon.-Tit-Bits
What did Colonel Stilwell say about
the branded peaches we sent to cheer
his convalesCence?" "IIe said he was
afraid he was not strong enough to eat
the fruit" replied the little girl, "bu'