The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1898-04-17

to believe that the Alabama product
wouldn't be of much service in case of
war. In the first place, to be of any SER
vice to the government, the mules must
carry supplies draw guns and caissons and
do other labor. Now, the Alabama mule is
constitutionally opposed work of any and
| all kinds and on all occasions evinces
| desire to kick out of the traces.
| Another popularity of the Alabama
| mule is the gigantic capacity of his stom-
ach. The average Alabama mule can
eat more in one day than he can carry on
his back. Liverymen state it as an ahso-
lutte fact that no matter how great guam
tity of hay is purchased, mule can con-
sumo all of it before it becomes musty.
Sometimes in war Howitzers are strapped
on the backs of mules, and can thus be
carried to positions which would be in
accessible If the cannons were mounted on
wheels. Local liverymen would advise the
government never to attempt such thing
with an Alabama mule. They say that to
fire a Howitzer from the back of an Ala
bama mule would be far more dangerous
to Uncle Sans soldiers than it would be to
the Spaniards.
The Alabama mule has peculiar habit of
turning around and around at critical
stages, and it is believed that this habit
would be the cause of dealing death to
many young volunteer from the states
who would be seeking fame, honor and re-
nown on the CORY fields of Cuba, fight
ing for Old Glory. Would it not be heart
rending for the flower of the chivalric and
patriotic southland to be thus sent to
kingdom come through tho righteousness of
rantipolic Alabama mule and the cup of
glory thus rudely dashed from their lips?
So much for the bad qualities of the
Alabama product Now consider the ad-
vantages possessed by the mule, which, if
properly trained and cultivated, will make
the Alabama mule world-renowned and
place the name of his instructor in a niche
in the walls of fame alongside by those
occupied by the inventors of the Maxim
gun and the submarine mine.
The deadly danger which exists in the
hind leg of mule has always been known
and respected In this muscular power of a
mules rear limb lies the material. which,
if properly trained, would make some one
famous, as well as the mule.
The following is the outline of plan,
which, if properly executed, would make
the Alabama mule more feared by the
Spaniards than the deadly Gattling gun.
A lot of mules should be collected and
formed into squads, companies, battalions
and regiments. They should then be taught
the manouvres of war, to advance, wheel,
charge and retreat, at the command of their
trainer, who, in time of battle, would be
their commander, with the title of general
of the mule brigade"
After the mules have been thoroughly
trained, they should be transported to
Cuba and carried to the scene of battle.
When the Spaniards hove in sight the gen.
eral of the mule brigade would give tn:
command, "Charge, about face and kick
Imagine the CONSERVATION that would
seize the Spanards when an army of 10000
mules rushing amongst them and dealing
those pie-driver blows with their heels, for
which the Alabama product is noted. Even
the cheek of Weyler would be somewhat
indented If struck by one of those piston
rod punches.
If this plan could be carried out the
name of the Alabama mule would be lifted
from the slough into which it has fallen,
and be placed on the high plane now &C.
cupied by Alabama pig iron and steel. But
until this is accomplished, local liverymen
believe that for use in war the Alabama
mule "an't worth cent"