davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
A Great Discovery

ALBERT, dear, while looking through
some of your old clothes l made such
lucky find that l ordered a new dress
on the strength of it."
What was it, dear?"
Half dozen checks that had never
been written on. "-Brooklyn Life.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
Came with n Shock,

Harold (after the fateful question had
been put and answered)-Did l sur
prise you, dear?
Maud-Surprise me! You paralyzed
me! l gave up the idea two years ago
of your ever having spunk enough to
propose.-Chicago Tribune.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

"Jobbs, what's the trouble between
you and Mrs. Jobbs?"
"Oh, she makes me tired. The idea
of any woman tryin' to hold man t.
what he said while he was courtin' her.
She ought to have more sense" De
troit Free Press
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

81 told her | hadn't had bite to eat
for three days"
What did she say?"
"She said she hadn't had stick of
wood sawed in three ays."-Chicago
Record.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

Pepper" said Willie, why did you
buy golf coat?"
TO play golf in, my son." said Mr.
Willis.
did you need it?"
'Of course | did,"
Then L need a top coat to play tops
in. L seen 'em advertised" -Harper's
Bazaar.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
Nothing New Under the SIM

Justin Herdit-I say, old man, I've a
good joke to tell you.
Ben Tolde-Good joke? Don't want
to hear it.
Justin Herdit-Why not?
Ben Tolde-'Tisn't new.-N. Y. Truth.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

Edwin-You would not take that
uncle of mine to be sensitive plant at
all, would you?
Reginald-He certainly does not look
it.
Edwin-Well, he is. Attempt to touch
him and he closes up immediately
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

Have you acolytes in your church ?"
inquired the Brooklyn girl of her coun-
try cousin.
MY, no." was the reply, 1--WE put in
electric lights three years ago."-Town
Topics.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

Johnny-Wot! You fit wit Mickey
Dugan? Wy, dat Teller don't know
wen he S licked!
Tommy-Mebby he don't, but, by
jocks! I'll bet l made him have sus
picions!-Puck.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

clustered Old Lady-Does it make
any difference which of these cars take
to the bridge?
Polite destrian-Makes no differ
ence to me, Enthusiastically Life.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
Had the Wrong End.

Shux-You say that you lost all your
money on one race. thought you said
you had a sure thing.
Snux-It was a sure thing all right,
but bet the wrong way.-Puck.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
Happenings.

while it may be allowed" said the
corn-fed philosopher, that it is the
unexpected which always happens, yet
such does not prevent woman from say
ing: 1 tod you So indianapolis
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
Gone Around.

Before her heart l watched with sleepiess
eyes,
And vowed to leave 1t not foreVermore.
Until one day l saw with great surprise
Another man had entered the back door.
Brooklyn Life.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
Including the CIerrymen

/ once saw coupe married,
And I'm ready now to swear
That, in spite of dictionaries,
1t takes three to make a pair.
N, y. Evening journal.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

The Tramp--Beg pardon, sir. am a
stranger in desc parts
The Farmer@Well, | dunno of any
body that wants to git acquainted with
ye-.puck
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
Ambition,

We start out to conquer fortune,
Yes. and fame; but time reveals
That we learn to be contented
If we get our clothes and meals
Chicago Record.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

Miss Wantklow-What do you suppose
makes the figure of Cupid such favorits
with siversmiths?
Miss Knowal-It's probably cupidity.-
jewelers. Weekly.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

The first fly of spring
On hilarious wing
Flew about in manner quite devious,
When a sudden chill wind
Knocked him silly and blind
He was punished for being too previous
Up to Date.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

"Oh. where are all the heroes? Where?'
The plaintive poets sing;
They overlook the men who wear
The first straw hats in spring.
Town Topics.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
"Look Pleasant. PIea.ew

This world would be a paradise
And wear a very different look
If folks would always seem as nice
As when they have their pictures took u
L. A. w. Bulletin
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

The Victim-Blank it! thought you
were painless dentist?
The Vulture-Well, do l seem to be
suffering any ?-Judge.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

whats the matter, Uncle Rube?"
Use insulted, sab; dat Cap'n Jones done
call me a niger"
well, aren't You niger"
Eyes, sab; dat's ice+ it''-Truth
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

Visitor-There's a good little mani
You always do as your father tells you,
don't you?
The Little Man-No, sir; marin would
whack me if | did.-N. Y. Journal.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

/ can't engage in useful work. 1 cannot
even sing.
To benefit my fellow man I cannot do
thing.
Since from other occupations 1. alas, can't
take my pick,
There's nothing left except for me to settle
down and kick.
WAS hington Star
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
He Would BE Needed.

Mrs. smith-George. may write and
accept Mrs. Browns invitation for Bob
by to attend her boys party on the
Goth?
Mr.. Smith-Yes, and while you are
writing you had better write Dr. Kurem
to call on the 21st.-N. Y. Truth.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

Give woman a book on chafng-dish
cookery if you want to make her believe that
there is no place like home.-Chicago Times
Herald
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23
WAS hington Sta

Lady (arranging preliminaries)-O,
and you will be expected to attend
prayers regularly morning and even
ing.
Cook acknowledgements, suppose
there's something to put up with in
every family.-Moonshin
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

give up hope.
Then l saw
DR.. Williams
Pink Pills for
Pale People
extolled in a
S t. L o u is
paper, a n d
after investi-
cation, decid-
ed to give
them a trial.
"After us
ing the first
box I felt
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1898-06-23

OhurcheH IN Grenter New York.
Greater New York has ! 100 churches
within its limits and over 100000 dwell
lighthouses.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
British Army surreo,.

Although the pay is liberal and the
military rank substantial in the army
medical department of the British SER
vice, 1t is found dificult to get army
doctors, says an exchange At present,
the establishment only numbers 80
while. in spite OF the lowering of the
standard by abolishiIg the rule that
those who have already failed twice at
the entrance examination shall not be
permitted to compete again, there has
been an insufficient n1mber of candi-
dates for the advertised vacancies OF
the present year. This does not refer
to the army medical service in India
but to the home service. The whole
matter is being very freely discussed
In the English papers.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

General Walker says, "vote for
me and you will have dollar
wheat" Gen Walker never said it.
and every little dollar and half "A
week correspondent, and 2X4 coun-
try weekly that has written and
published the lie has sense enough
to know that he never said il.
zen. Walker said that in his opin-
ION wheat would be worth dollar
before Christmas. Little .fellers'
can some times tell a lie until they
believe it themselves.-Bristol
News, Sept 3rd.
When a great daily like the
News, published in great city
like Bristol, gets after after a s.2x4
country weekly" and says we lied.
why of course we tremble and
quake, and begin to wonder if we
could tell the truth if we tried. or
course great daily like the news
never lies never did and never
VIII. However, it so happens III
THIS case that somebody has lied
and it isn't the "2x4 country week.
ly" either. We knew from past
experience with some of these bic
daIlIes that somebody would be
likely to lie about Geu. Jeeme's
speech in Tazewell, and so we had
a stenographer on the gro md, who
took the speech, Verbatim ct liter.
atm ct punctuatim, and here are
his exact words: ''DO you want
sound money Twenty cents
for wool, DOLLAR WHEAT: cattle
Hour, and three forth cts Der
10. Do you want to sustain
the President Then send q
Congressman to stand by him and
uphold his hands," These are the
exact words used by the General
In his speech in Tazewel. Now.
who lied, the Great Bristol daily
or the ''2x4 country weekly ?"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
"Too Thin

The Tazewell Republican, OF
last week says our editorial ON
"Russell County Republicans" was
"too thin" and that our object was
"to excite, if possible, i'll feeling
between the Republicans of Taze-
we'll and Russell counties. We
need not to excite this feeling. 1t
already existed. We only pointed
out and emphasized the fact that
the Russell County candidate for
Senate, Mr.. Mead, was "knifed"
by Tazewell Republicans, and a
goodly number of wise people be.
heve that he was pnt up for that
very purpose. Now here is more
OF 1t: A prominent Republican of
Tazewell told a prominent Demo
crat of Tazewell, land we will give
names if necessarily that if the
Democrats would not put up MIR.
Oscar Thompson for the Legisla-
ture against Mr.. Spratt, that they
the Republicans, would not make
fight against Mr.. st. Clair: that
"Mr. Mead is not our mamie is
a Russell County man, and we will
let them fight it OUT Mr.. Meade
was traded off all around over the
county, for MIR. Spratt, and Mr..
Mead knows it, and this too after
Mr.. Meade had been promised
majority in Tazewell of not less
than six hundred.
oh no, we are not trying to ex-
cite 'feeling" between the two
counties. 1t already exists, and
the Republican will feel something
"drap" in November which wont
feel very chm"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
Decided to Wed Mr. Dukknt..

why, Ethel, what are you doing
with that big medical work in your
lap?"
We'll, Arabella. you'd never guess,
I am quite sure"
You are not going to make physi-
clan Of yourself, are your"
Not at all. / am trying to find out
which Of my two suitors love enough
to marry. What do you think Of
that?"
How can a cyclopaedia of medicine
help your
Well, It's this way. Mr.. Spondu-
ticks is fifty-seven years of age. He is
worth 100000. and has consumption.
Mr.. Dukkats is sixty-five years old. He
is worth $500. 900 and has incipient govt
i thought, perhaps, this medical book
would help me to make up my mind
| have about decided that / love Mr.
Dukkats the better. Which would you
'ove?"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
.sEE's GOODNESS.
1en-Inch Shell Didn't Fea.e
Him an the Iensf


Now that the name Of Capt. Siysbee
OF the Maine is in everybody's mind.
and his worth as an officer is being al
tested by scores of his superiors, let
me add my mite to prove his courage
ana perfect GOODNESS In battle, says a
san francisco veteran. Sigsbee was a
youngster just out Of the Academy
when Farragut was preparing for his
Dig hight in Mobile Bay. 1 was an en-
Sign on the Admiral's staff, and Slgs-
bee Joined the Hartford a month be-
Tore the fight. In assigning officers
and men to their stations Capt. Dray-
ton, Farragut's fleet captain. assigned
Ensign Sigsbee to take charge of the
forward powder division, and the writ
err hereof to command the after divis-
Ion. These divisions were strings OF
men and boys to pass powder and
shells from the after and forward
magazines to the powder and shell
whips, to be hoistei to the gun deck
through the matches. Another duty OF
these powder monkeys was to yell like
dervishes In the excitement of battle.
and 1t was duty they did not neg
lect.
We had passed the forts and were
receiving the attack Of the ram Ten
nessee with her magnificent battery.
when Sigsbee came aft from his di-
vision to see how my boys were get
ting on. The powder bags and shells
were going up in steady stream, and
the boys were very noisy.
Any casualties?" he asked as he
wiped the smudge of his face.
NO" / said; we're all right. How
Is it with your"
Poor Heginbotham is killed" he
said. Heginbotham was another of
the Admiral's stan who had been as
signed TO take charge OF q shell whip.
AT that instant there was a mighty
crash Immediately behind Sigsbee. The
whole lining OF the ships side gave
way, carrying with 1t the bulkhead of
the junior officers messroom and fill
Ing the air with splinters and dust
big seven-inch shell had done thu
damage. 1t entered the Hartford's
slde, tore down all the woodwork
mentioned, cut heavy oak stanchion
against which Sigsbee was leaning. en-
ureIy In two. and one Jagged end of
the stanchion took one Of the skirts
OF Sigsbee's best uniform coat and rim
pea II on as II with a knife. When
the Dust and splinters subsidized Sigsbee
drew a long breath.
Well' he remarked, quietly. "T
wonder where the id thing went
to-"
lie round the id thing afterward
lying snugly in the chief engineers
bed. 1t was 25O-pound shell. It fail
ca 10 explode. Had ii fulfilled it's
wnoIe mission there would now be no
capt. Sigsbee to receive the worlds
plaudits and no humble penman like
myself to tell this tale.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

b. Ten. walker faOers,---- -
Same disadvantage that MsS~s
capitated Hon. Jaa0h Iot In the
Staunton district. The fact that
he had "no influence with the adj
ministration" defeated Vest, and
Walker should be beaten for the
sane reason. 1t is well known
that while most Congressman o..
tam scores Of appointments i'm the
army and navy aud To other posi-.
tons created 10y the EFFICIENCY of
war, neither of the gentlemen
mentioned did any thing i'm this
direction for their people. Doubt
less they tried. but they had not
the ear of the President, or his
chiefs. They belong to a minority
faction of their own party, and
could scarcely control the appoint
ments for the smallest Offices in
their districts. THIS lack of in
fiuence is perhaps more pronounce
ed IN Gen Walker than in Mr..
IOSt, but il has defeated Yost's
aspirations, and but for the fact
that no other prominent Republi-
can wanted the nomination i'm this
district it would have prevented
Walkers candidacy.
For this if for none other of the
apparent objections to him he
should be defeated at the polls.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
Pin Holes In the ChecL.

IN the course of q lecture deIivo-oa
recently on chemical tests used in die
covering by the ink the age OF docu-
ments, and whether there have been
interpretations, Prof. c. A. Doremus
tod or curious discovery in the case
or raised check, made by his father
VINO is an expert in chemistry and in
documents. The interests involved In
this case were very large, and It was
not practicable that the original cbecl,
should be tempered with or chemically
treated. For purposes Of testimony an
enlarged photograph of the check was
taken by DR.. Doremus. who was called
as an expert in the case. The first
trial resulted In no decision. and ON
the second trial, what purported TO be
the original check was produced II
was handed TO the cashier Of the bank
for identification. He examined it and
said:
This is not the original check"
How do you know tAat?" demanded
the amazed lawyer.
Because in the heading of the orig
inal check l pricked a hole in the CEN
tire of each OF the 'o's' with pin" was
the reply. This check has not those
holes"
In all other respects the check SEEM
ed to be identical. The court called for
DR.. Doremus's photograph to be pro-
duced. 1t plainly showed the pin
holes. Upon this the lawyer for the
defence threw up his case and the
guilty substitutor OF the false check
fed the country.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
A NobIemnn An ExtIe

Philadelphia boasts of teacher of
noble blood. Count Antanas Alexan-
drowicz Jocis. who has charge of one
OF the night schools. lie is a Lithuani-
an. While a student 10 the University
or st. Petersburg he vas arrested for
sedition and sentenced to exile in She
ria. He escaped. was captured again.
and escaped again after a desperate
fight. and, after conducting a Liberal
paper In Tilsit. Germany. finally came
to Philadelphia.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

indigestion is often taken for consumd
on: The word consumption means
wasting away, and dispepti cs often waste
away as badly as consumptives.
The reason people waste away is be
cause either they don't get enough to eat
or they don't digest what they do eat.
Ii the latter is your trouble take Shaker
Digestive Cordial. This will help YOU
to digest your food and stop your loss of
flesh. Shaker Digestive Cordial is made
from herbs. barks amp the juices OF fruits,
by the well-knOwn Shakers at Mount
Lebanon. 1t possesses great tonic and
digestive powers.
Shaker Digestive Cordial has cured
many supposed consunptives (who were
really dispeptics), by simply helding
heir stomachs to digest their food, thus
living them nourishment and new
sr ength. Sold by druggists. Trial bot
ct 10 cents.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
$500 Kheot-5O Cent SHver.

During, and shortly after the
campaign of 90, we frequently
stated that wheat and silver gen
orally, and under normal condi.
tlons, would be worth about the
same in the market. The specula
tors and the famines of Europe
ran wheat up to an unusually high
price, while silver declined. The
goldbugs bad the laugh on It's.
but we held TO our faith. How is
1T todeyl The spectators all
"busted," the unusual demand
supplied in Europe, aud how stands
the question Wheat closed last
week at about % cents per buShel.
and silver at about 60 cents. And
so 1t will always be under normal
conditions. When you strike down
silver you strike down wheat. and
every thing else we raise.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
Judge Rhea's Appointments.

Judge w. +. Rhea, Democratic
candidate for Congress i'm the 9th
Congressional district, will address
the people of Taze y ell county, at the
following times and places:
Tazewell, CourtDay, Sept 2Olp. Nj,
Richlands, September Dist, 2P. NJ.
Cedar Bluff, September -, s p. NJ.
Graham, September %, S T.. NJ.
All are cordially invited to attend
these meetings and hear the Issues OF
the pending canvass discussed.
S. J, THOMPSON,
Chairman Democratic Committee.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
An Ingenious Thief.

A certain Clermont, IN. S. W. mi
ner had gone to sleep after securely
planting his trousers containing 925,
under his pillow. IN the middle of the
night long needle was thrust into the
skin of the sleeper's foot and then
withdrawn. Imagining himself bitten
by snake, the man arose, rushed out
In a frightened hurry for help-and
came back to find his trousers pockets
turned inside out and his money gone
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
Great Son of N Cook

Diplomacy is not always an inherit
ed art Casimir Felix Badeni, who re-
Gently resigned the Premiership of
Austria, Is the son of a cook. His
father was the chef of one OF the last
Kings of Poland, and was made a
count by his master. Casimir, who
was appointed Prime Minister of Aus
tria by Emperor Francis Joseph in
1895, is reputed to be worth $780,
600
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

Hon. Jake Yost, who, by the
way, is "a good fellow and a life.
long Republican, was turned down
in the Tenth because he had no
influence with the administration.
In this respect he and Genera.
Walker are swinging in the same
hammock.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

Now that there is no tariff issue
pending between the parties, and
especially since Gen. Walker is so
wellknown for his adhesion to the
main Democratic idea as to be
called "Silver John,r what is the
matter with his return to his old
DartV.r
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

Talk of Weyler! He never
treated this debased soldiers AS
badly as our sick and wounded
heroes have been treated by those
who should have seen that they
had every comfort.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
Atlantic Cables Busx r,n..

The busiest time on the Atlantic
cable is between the hours of 10 and
IL in the forenoon. During that time
on an average about two hundred mes
sages pass over the cable each wav
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
A Whistlinu Eel

A remarkable eel has been discover
ed in the Fill islands. 1t has a De-
culiar formation in its throat which
causes it to whistle when in an excited
state.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
To The Public.

L hereby give notice to the pub
Tic that l will not be responsible
Tor any debts or obligations,
contracted in my name, by my
wife MOllie M. Cline, or papers she
may sign in my name.
j. M. Cline.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09
An Electric Vat-Trap.

A small piece OF cheese and an cleo
trio wire form the latest rat-trap. The
cheese is fixed to the wire. and the in
slant the rat touches the cheese he re-
Gives shock whi~h kills him.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

What a shame that che IIispan-
Ia American war, SO Brilliant and
so short, should go into history
Swallowed 10y bad diplomacy and
the Infamous treatment of our
brave soldiers.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1898-09-09

j. .. ALEXANDER
Has the ONLY Complete AS
sortment Of K
Fine Handkerchief Triple
Extracts and Toilet Prepa-
rations
to be found in the county.
These are strictly reliable
high grade goods----Perfumes,
Toilet Waters, ColOgnes, Sachet
Powders, Powders for Complexion,
Toilet, Nursery and Teeth. Liquid
Washes for the Teeth and TOnics
for the Hair, Curling Fluids &c.
, 1898-11-02
STATEMENT.

State Examiner Harry B. Henderson
has made a report TO the governor of
the condition Of Wyoming banks, and
it is really the best republican cam
patgn document which has come to our
notice. The total loans and discounts
July %, 1897. were $2,4s6. 1882; total
loans and discounts July IA, 1898. 81
937, 223.42: total loans and discounts
September 20, 1898, $3,O46. 271.6O. In
less than fourteen months deposits
have increased in the banks of Wyo-
ming $966,32s.44, or about SIP per
capita. That's the peoples money, and
1t is the surest evidence of the ~prosperi-
ty OF the state that can be presented.
In his report Mr.. Henderson says:
wyoming is truly enjoying a season
of prosperity. At no time heretofore
has there been SO much money on de-
post within her boundary lines. AL
most four million OF dollars deposit and
than three million dollars loans
and discounts.
During the sixty-six days elapsing
from July 18th. 1893. to September
10th. deposits increased $4,000. This
represents an unprecedented growth
and is not excelled.
That this extraordinary growth is
the Outcome OF confidence established
by a republican administration and re-
publican legislation, cannot be doubted
and it cannot be successfully refuted
by anyone"