The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1898-01-16

by the name.
"Was you one OF EN-
81 kin say without undoo vanity that
was. 1 callSerlate that ranked as
liar No. l up thar"
That's n mighty pint in your favor.
All OF us here kind o. sized ye up fur
a liar. but we didn't know fur sure.
Ye can't allus tell by a mans face wheth-
or he will lie or tell the trooth What
sort o. lies did we lie about up thar
Mostly about clans and Holsters
seq Moses. MY great speciality was
lvtn' about Holsters. That's how l got
tho name a. the Lobster Liar, u went
without sayln' that could tell bigger
lobster lie than any other man WITHIN
twenty miles Of Keyport. Mebbe you re-
member the story In some the OF New
York papers about n gigantic lobster
soizin' my skin and upsettin II IN Key
port Bay" "a,
1T dow. and that was one o your lios?'
1T was-one o. my small ones.
Then you'll certainly do inr tne up
per crust OF high society here, SEE Eph-
ram. as he slaps his leg INIT was a
newriful lea bewtiful lie. Hanged
II admit deceive all the mars III 9Vuan
Greek. Yes. that's all right ou' must
ak ye furder. Hevin once toiu nc w
ye stick to it right along
"Ailus" -.
''lf yer boat got upset ana we was uIh'
in around. would ye own UP
Never, ia drift clean across the ocean
before I'd give up
"Spose We was took sick and thought
ye was goin' to dieY'
eft would be just the same. indeed
7 believe I should think up a bigger 10
70 tell. amt no man to brag onto
himself. hut when 20 back on the repu-
tashun OF nv Colonial forefathers the
folks OF Souan Creek kin ride me outer
town on a rail. .,
Then Ephraim felt that Moses was all
right. and he clasped him in his arms
and welcomed him to Squan Creek. no
vas introduced TO all the folks. paid
FOR all the drinks. and everybody was
clad we had a lobster liar among us. We
had the best kind o. liars about oysters,
clans. sharks. whales and crabs, but no
bodv had made a speciality Of lyin about
Holsters. Moses was told 10 begin Mon
dav mornin.' and he didn't need no prod
din up about g. He jest got OFT sum or
the sleekest, latest lies we ever listened
TO. and It was voted that he was all
right and an ornyment 10 the upper
crust
MgDnp
Moses Parker was maxim a name fur
himself an dom MS proper credit, when
n souall upsets his boat In the bay and
he saved hlssef from eoin' to the bottom
by catchin' hold OF buoy No. 3. lie thought
he was all alone. but he wasn't. Two Of
the crowd was on Bird Island, near by,
and arter Moses had bin hangin' on fur
fifteen r1inits they heard him yell out:
"Ohl / ord. I aln't fttin' 20 die this way
rye hin lyin' about Holsters fur the last
five years. and I want al least a month
10 repent in Jist let me be saved and
III never tell another lie as long as 1
I've"
Tho boys rowed cut and took him on
and when they brung him home his words
was reported He had promised 20 lie and
stick 10 Il. but he'd gone back on hisself
the very first thing At the meetin' which
was called he was ordered 10 stan mp
and explain. and thar was a sweet smile
on his face as he riz 10 his feet and said:
Gentlemen. thar's sum awful mistake
we're. It's true that my boat wus upset
by the squal, and that was left hangn'
TO the buoy and expectin' every mint
10 be nv last: but ! was thinkin' mp n
new lobster lie and repeatn' II aloud.
and them was the words the boys over
heard"
As the wind was howlin' and the waves
roarin' il was Jest possible that the boys
may hev bin mistaken They vowed they
wasn't. but Il was decided 10 gin Moses
the benefit OF the doubt and he was let
of. He understood, however. that he
was TO be watched from that time on,
and he test braced right up and told sum
Of the mightiest lobster lies ever heard
in America.
That was one Of his lies published IN
a Philadelphia paper. about n lobster
walkin' ashore on Cat Island and sezn'
n vearling colt belongin' 10 Deacon Spoon
or. Moses seq he saw the hull perform
ance from his boat. and that the screams
Of the colt made his blood run cold. lie
took n reporter down 10 the island ana
showed him the airth all torn mp. and
pieces of hide lyin' around and the story
brung him i'm twenty dollars i'm cash ana
restored his prestige among MS. The colt
was over on Catfish Marsh all the time,
but the story went Jest the same.
Moses Parker had bin I'm Sduan Creek
fir six months. and was hevin' things
all his own way. when one day he was
took with bilious collie. He was around
the house. and when the pain first struck
him he got skeert and said to his wife;
Lucy. I'm marked FUR death and you'll
be a wilder afore night. It's all on ac-
count OF my lynn
But I never knowed you TO lie,' SEE
she.
.I've done nothin' but lie for the last
six months. and now Providence IS arter
me. If die with all these five thousand
whoppin' big lies on my soul won't
20 within a thousand miles OF heaven.
Don't YOU think I'd better call IN some
body and confess"
His wife thought he had. and she run
FUR the preacher. BY the time she got
back with him Moses was all doubled up
with pains and thought he hadn't but half
an hour 10 live When hi said he wanted
10 confess to his lynn the preacher up
and sez:
81 shouldn't he too TASTY n 7 was you.
You hev worked hard 70 build up repu-
tashun in Squan Creek and il shouldn't
go in an hour
But ] want 10 own up and Ak fur-
giveness," sez Moses and right then and
thar he owned up to three hundred and
hfty-two lobster lies. big and little. The
preacher tried 10 choke him off. and
his wife wept when she thought Of his
lost reputashun, but thar was no holdln
him back. lie didn't die. however. \
dose Of Jamaica ginger cured him arter
he'd owned up, and then he tried 70 g1t
out o. Il. same as before. II wasn't
fur him to do II. The preacher was agin
him and his own wife was agn him,
and Ephram Watkins stood up and said;
Eye can't never make no upper-crust
out O. no lower-crust. He's bewtiful