The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1898-02-15
FLASHES OF FIN.

II asked our doctor his motto the
other night" What did he sayY'
Patience and long suffering" Pick
Me-Up.
Il want to see theslady of the house"
i am She" "a thousand pardons!
You look so happy aknd so Independent,
felt sure you We're the servant"
Parson Johnson-So dis little chile
am a gal. Do de udder one belong toe
de contrary sex? Mrs. Iackson-Yais.
pahson; OATS a gal, toos-Judse.
That man singing Only One Girl in
the World for Me-" has been married
three times" We'll, that's all right;
he means only one girl at a time
Chicago Record.
see'' said the shoe clerk boarder.
that there is king in Africa who has
peen drunk for fifteen years" THAT"
SAID the Cheerful Idiot, SIS what might
be called a soaking ign."-Indianap-
oils Journal.
hichael, what kind Of a tree is
tnat! The one beyant the binch,
num- Yes, that large tree" "Wid
the little green one to the liftY" Yes:
what is itT They do be calling that
d shade-tree, mum."-Brooklyn Life.
She Heard 1t First.-Bob Borrower
what! You say you can't lend me ten
collars to-day because you haven't got
it-why, heard you made five hun
dred dollars yesterday, on wheat. Tom
Tooler despairingly)-Well. SO did nv
wife!-Puck.
Last night" said Mr.. Booze. 81
made remark to the effect that had
one or the greatest heads In the ward"
something of the sort" said his wife.
We'll, this morning 1 feel fully pre-
pared to say that was ht."-CincIn-
natl Enquirer.
Wheeler-Have you learned to make
the repairs on your wheel yet? Sprock
No; l never shall, either. haven't
bit of mechanical genius. ooh. yes
you have" Indeed haven't.
couldn't even invent car COUPLER
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Useful Art.-"Of course" said one
old farmer to the other. your bow Ia
learnin' Latin and Greek Mt college
but Is he gettin' anything practicalY'
"Oh, yes. In the last letter he writ he
tells me he Is takin' lessons In fencin'."
Detroit Free Press.
Violet-How did Mr.. Bighed come TO
accept the doctrine of reincarnationP
Roosevelt. you know, he always had
an impression that the world couldn't
get along without him, and IL that is
so, 1t stands to reason that he will
have TO come back.-Truth.
How old would you guess her to
be" oh. about % would be safe
guess" shes surely older than
thatT' Il said % would be n safe
guess. 1t is always safer to under
guess n woman's age. She may hear
or it."-Lndianapolis Journal.
And, in spite of all the light that
has been brought into your lives. YOU
still burn missionariesT The savage
was papably confused. Yes" he an
swered. sadly; 81 must confess that civ
iiization doesn't seem to have made
our cooks nppreciably better" Puck.
What this country wants to do"
said the reformer, lis to raise the re-
qurements for office-holders." "Ex-
actly So" replied Senator Sorghum:
land allow me to remind you that the
principal requirement of an Office
holder is his salary" -Washing; on
Star.
mo man ever obtained anything
worth having without working hard
for It," said Mrs. Bickers to her hus-
band, who was in n discouraged mood.
That's So" replied Mr.. Bickers. re-
flectlvcly. Il remember that obtain
ed you without the slightest Difficult
ty."
naughty little boy was crying be
cause his mother wouldn't let him 90
down to the river on the Sabbath. and.
on being admonished, said: II didn't
want 10 In In swimmin with 'eni. ma.
only wanted to go down and-and see
the bad little boys get drowned for
goin' in swimmin' on Sunday"
81 thought that Miss uomewood's
essay was much the best Of all those
read at the commencement" That's
odd. / never knew that she had much
literary ability. What was the sub.
ject of her esssy?" How TO Make a
Cherry Pie."-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tel.
egraph.
Now, Johnnie" said the teacher.
tell me what an engineer isY' "He is
n man that works an engine" replied
Johnnie. Correct" said the teacher.
Now, Tommy, can You tell me what
pioneer isr' Yes. SIR" answered
Tommy; hes man that works
piano"