Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1898-06-06

no small difficulty to convince her
that the presidents call did not include
females.
Yes, madam, this may be said to
be the place where man may enlist. y
The major accented the man strongly.
81 didn't b'leeve I'd have much trou-
bic in finding it, and l kind of lowed
that p'raps there was several such
places in town. Fact is | walked right
in here without inquirin'. Just nat
urally dropped into the first open
door, and 10 and behold you, sir, it
is place where man may enlist
Be you a general, colonel, major
or what be you?"
Il am called major, madam, but my
title dates back beyond the present
strife. l am eIlisting a company OF
men now in the hope OF serving my
country in the capacity of an officer
myself. But l want none but real
men in my company
That's what l lowed, major, and
that's what l am here for, right now
to offer you the services of a man"
But my good woman, you do not
appear to understand the rules of war
The presidents call was
"Tut! young major, L am supposed
to understan' my business. The presi-
dent he called for a couple hundred
thousan' men, didn't he? And I'm
here right now to"
Pray excuse me, madam. l must
speak plainly to you, said the major,
who was in somewhat of a fiuster
You will note the fact that the call is
for able-bodied men, and
That's what l lowed, major" said
she of the steeiy eye, land if you want
to look over a more able-bodied man
than L"
Madam" said the major, in q
strong effort to keep cool and calm
Il am not looking over able-bodied
anything The doctor does the look
ing over Sit down in this chair and
let ME explain this war business to"
mo, sir, Mr.. Major, don't want any
explainin'. and L don't care to sit,
thank you Can you call the doctor il
here right now? I'd like"
The major was in a cold. ciammy
perspiration when he almost shouted,
No, madam, the doctor does not give
separate examinations, and"
Look here, major, it pears to me
that you're not up to real warm snuff
in this war business. When 1 talk
about able-bodied l mean somethin
free from skim, rim, mold or shakes,
l mean something like this" And she
threw out her chest, stamped one foot
and tried to look like Ajax in his most
defiant mood
Madam, will you permit me"
mo sir. young man, I'll not permit
you. You don't know straws, and l
want the doctor to come In here so
that 1 can"
Now Mrs, please let me say to you
that there is no doctor hereabOuts, and
besides, this war is not one for women
to engage in, and women cannot en-
list, and you go right away home, and
send your son, or your brother, or
your father, or your husband"
''Hoopeel hoopee. young major,
there you've hit it. Goodness sakes
alive, l wasn't tryin' to enlist myself
Whatever put that in your silly head:
I'm a en1istin' my husban,' Jim Bards-
ey, the most Orlery, no-acount, good
man who ever existed in
Arizony or elsewhere, and he's ben
4 threatenin' to enlist, and a-threat
snin' to go to war for over a month
now, and | keeps a-sayin' to him, Jim,
says I, why don't you do it?' and ali
ne does is to keep up the threatenin'.
I've bedeviled him until he can't sleep
nights nor eat his meals in comfort.
I've kept a-ta'nti and a-ta'ntin him
until he has come to town three times
to enlist, and every time he comes
back and tells me there amt no place
what he can find where to enlist. And
80 l come myself today and not only
ind the place easy and convenient, but
,nookie / come near to bein' enlisted
myself. Well, well, me. Major, did
you think l was goin' to insist on
oein' examined myself? I guess not.
But I'm goin' right back home and to-
morrow mornin afore sunup. you'll
ind Mr.. and Mrs. James Bardsley
oarkin' for entrance at your front
ioor, and James will be ready for ex-
He's able-bodied and
that's all he is, and only fitted to go
and prevent a bullet from hittin' the
nan behind him. Good mornin',
major. Have the doctor here early,
cause James amt goin' to have no eX-
,use not to go this time. Good
MAN AND WIFE IN JAIL.