davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

AT the capture of blockhouse in
Cuba an unfinished letter to Gen. Lii
mares WAS found on n table. with the
ink barely dry. 1t started in to say
that the post was we'll fortified and
could be held against any number of
Yankee pigs" that could be sent
against 1t. Just then the brave captain
heard some of the Yankee pigs" root
ing in his asparagus bed and retreated
in great disorder.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

The fact that the American navy to-
day has sprung to the first rank, ship
for ship, in fighting power in the world
and is equipped with the best guns
ever made-better than the Armstrong
or the krupp-shows that our navy de-
partment in the past has been in good
hands, To former Secretary Hilary A.
Herbert seconded by Boutelle, large
part OF the credit Is due
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30
Weak Stomach

Sensitive to every httls indiscfstteo In
eating, even to exposure to dsaugAts end
70 over-perspiration-th eoeAifioa b
pleasantly, positively and psfnsnsstiy
overcome BY the magic tonie touch OF
Hoods saraparilis, which htGany
"makes weak stomachs strong" IL also
creates an sppssite-makes you fssa real
hungry, and drives away al symptoms OF
dyspepsia. Be sure TO got =
Hoods SarsaparIlla
Amefica's Greatest Medicine. All Arusststs.
Nood's Pills cure ali Liver Ills. . eents.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

An oklahomA minister married
twelve couples In sixty minutes the
other day. Twelve knots an hour may
not be able to hold = tallow dip to
oosan greyhound spssd. but It II prst-
q good time on ~ troubled masri-
meaial sea
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

At meeting of state presidents OF
the w. G. Il. u. eighteen out Of twenty
two voted to abandon the attempt to
obtain control of the temple at Chica
go. The matter will be considered at
the national meeting next fall.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

The idea is advanced by the Roches-
ter Herald that Oregon went that way
because the democrats had all gone to
the war
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Undoubtedly A. H. Love, who apollo
gizes 10 the Spanish government. will
cry glt for the goats at the day of judg-
ment.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Spanish talk of marching on Wash
ington may amount to stmething. Do
we not know what General Jacob Coxey
did?
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Naturally the spaniards see that lit
tie question Of the exchange OF pris-
oners in very different light now.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Boston now ought to be able to sleep
o. nights and resume its meditations
on Browning. Ibsen and Oversoul.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Girls that are always harping on the
rights Of women usually get left in the
matrimonial shuttle.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

CosMo BUTTERMILK TOILET SoAl
makes the skin soft, white and healthy
Bold every where.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Johsnis's own Interpretation.
Sunday School Teacher (sadly)-
I'm afraid, Johnnie. that will never
meet you in heaven" Johnnie-"Whyr
What have you been doing nowfs
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

The minister who writes out his ser
mons 10 more apt to realize theiI
length.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Homeopathists tell us that like cures
like. but they fail to suggest cure fol
dislike.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

"sprocketts Is no patriot" How do
ycu know?'' II offered to enlist If he
would cancel what l owe him on my
wheel. and he wouldn't"
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

It's poor obesity remedy that is
unable to make the patients purse
thinner.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

"a toad can't live with Its mouth open.
How strange! And woman can't live
with hers shut"
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

A fsh in the hand is worth dozen
In the anglers story.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

"My wife won't let me take nap In
the afternoon" why not?" She says II
isn't fair for her to have to make me get
W twice in one day
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

To Cure Constipation Forever.
Take Cascarets Candy Cathartic. ioc or no
II q. C. C. fall 70 cure, druggists refund money
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Some folks never expect to get wha'
they expect
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Thirty-eight of the 211 members of
the graduating class of 'ss, at Princeton
university, have supported themselves
wholly or in part during their college
course. and probably twenty-five. nos
sibly twenty-six, have been entirely de-
pendent upon Their own exertions for
money to meet the cost OF their educa-
tion. A still larger number, perhans
one-third Of the entire class, have re-
ceived assistance in the ways of schol-
arships, which means free tuition from
the funds at the disposal OF the faculty
for this purpose. According to their
returns the average annual expenditure
Of the members of the class Of 'ss dpr-
ing their freshman year for all pur-
poaes was 1862 per capita, in the senior
year 1854. There are several very rich
men in the class, whose parents are
worth millions. and whose allowances
have practically been unlimited. Their
eYtravagance has naturally raised the
average and more than Offset the econ.
omy of the thirty-eisht who have been
paying their own expenses, but from AL,
can learn It costs the avN.age student
about 800 year ut Princeton. and he
can live very well on that money
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30
ou,eke.s Time E.st or West.

In Denver this afternoon. in Chicago
St. Louis. at. Paul. Minneapolis or Salt
Lake Tomorrow, via the Union Pacific.
The only line that does 1t. Ticket Office,
Nl Seventeenth street.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

The Spanish have habit of SHOOTING
high. II Ham" Fish had been a
shorter man he would probably be alive
today. The bullet which went through
his heart would have passed over the
shoulder of the syerags person. Fish
was feet 8.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

No matter what woman's age maJ
be. she never thinks she looks 1t.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

THAT deaf and dumb beggar goes
around with the blind beggar now"
yes: he can't read and the blind beggar
has to tell him the war news.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

This is the age of substitutes. but
none has been discovered for honesty
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Dsa1 vseasss SSsf as1 Sasts yssS tns Asas
To quit tobacco easily and forever. Be u,As-
netie, full OF life nerve and vigor, take Motto
strong All drueststs, 5dc. or u. Cure suarsa-
tesd. Booklet and sample free. Address
Sterling Remedy Co. Chicago or New York.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Are we going to Aunt Aaria's this
summer" NO. dear; Aunt Julia Ii
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

Mood's pills cure ali Liver Ills. . cents.
The Meeker herald., 1898-07-30

TIE EXCELLENCE OF SYRUP OF FIGS
is due not only TO the originality and
simplicity Of the combination, but also
to the care and skill with which it is
manufactured by scientific processes
known to the CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP
Co. only. and we wish to impress upon
all the Importance Of purchasing the
true and original remedy. As the
genuine Syrup Of Figs is manufactured
BY the CALlvoRxiA FIe SYRuP Co.
only. . knowledge Of that fact will
assast ono In avoiding the worthless
limitations manufactured by other par
tea The high standing Of the CALI
FoRNIA FIa SYRUP Co. with the medi-
cal profession, and the satisfaction
which the genuine Syrup of Figs has
given to millions Of families, makes
the name of the Company q guaranty
Of the excellence Of its remedy. It is
far IN advance Of all other laxatives,
rs It acts on the kidneys, liver and
bowels without irritating or weaken
ing them, and it does not grippe nor
nauseate. In order to get its beneficial
effects, please remember the name of
the Company
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP co.
SAN FRAsCIsoo. Cal
L0ulBvlLLK. ". NEW Y0RK. y. Z.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

The wheelman himself can hardly be
held answerable for the death of Iab-
bit which bolted into his machine as il
stood by the roadside and broke its
neck, and there was contributory negli-
geuce, as the lawyers say, on tho part
of the cat which tried to go through the
wheel of passing bicycle and gave the
rider bad fall at the cost of its own
life. Much moro noteworthy than either
Of these was the achievement Of a cy-
clist who while scorching along the
road (he must have been scorching) ran
into Coyey of cartridges and killed
one, his wheel passing over its neck.
The only way in which this curious
accident can be explained is to suppose
that the birds were 'dustiug' 1T Il
bend i'll the road, and that the cyclist's
approach, concealed by the hedges, re,
manned undetected till the enemy was
literally among them.-Chambers' Jour
nal.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
1T CURED THE COOK.
The Result of Her Masters Wres
thing Match With the Telephone.

The Result of Her Masters Wres-
thing Match With the Telephone.
about a week after the telephone
was installed-any electrical device Is
always installed when it is brought
into the house-the cook was suddenly
taken i'll in tho middle of the night,
and was requested to telephone for the
doctor. Ii took me fully ten minutes OF
prolonged ringing and yelling before
could induce the central office to put
me into communication with the doe
tor. Then l sent an agoniZcd howl
through the telephone, begging the doc.
tor TO come at once.
Gin the course of the following hour
six different persons carried on brief
conversations with me, but no one OF
them was the doctor. In the case 0!
each person it took about ten minutes Ol
hard labor to induce him to say any
thing Ineligible, and when the intel
ligible remark arrived it was to the
effect that the speaker was Brown OF
Jones or Robinson; that he was not q
doctor, and that he would intlict per
sonal chastisement on the man who haG
called him out of bed if he could fine
the criminal in the morning.
AT last, however, my efforts were
apparently crowned with success. \
wretch who said be was the person OF
whom l was III search promised to cal.
at my house at once. Accordingly one
hour and quarter after l had first rune
the telephone I received hurried cal
from the local undertaken, who insisted
that had telephoncd 20 him to bring q
coffin without moments delay. got
rid Of him at the expense of shilling'
and glass of wine, and am happy tt
say that the shock Of the visit cured the
cook without the aid Of any other med
icine. w. \. Alden in Pearson:
MAGAZINE
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
JACK HORNER.
The Rich Plum That He Extracted
From That Christmas Pie.

From That Christmas Pie.
For the benefit Of those who are not
quite little folks Agnes Carr Sage, in
Lippincotts Magazine, tells the origin
and history Of some famous nursery
stories and rhymes, among them "The
Pleasant History of Jack Horner," con-
tanning "His Witty Tricks and Pleas
ant Franks, for so it is set forth III a
very old chapbook, carefully preserved
in the Bodleian library.
1t appears that this worthy was stew
ard to an abbot of Glastonbury. The
good abbot learned that his majesty
Henry VIII had seen fit to be indignant
because the monks had built IL kitchen
which he could not barn down. Now, Il
kings indignation was dangerous and
must be appeused. Therefore the abbot
sent his steward, Jack EOrner, to pre-
sent the sovereign with ii suitable peace
offering. 1t took the form Of a big and
tempting looking pie, beneath the crust
Of which the transfer deeds Of 10 man
ors were hidden.
But Master Jack had an eye for the
profit of No. l, and ON the road he
slyly lifted the crust and distracted tie
deeds of the Manor of Wells. On his
return, bringing the deeds, he plausibly
explained that they had been given to
him by the king; hence the rhyme:
Little Jack Horner
Sat in corner (of the wagon),
Eying his Christmas pie;
De put i'll his thumb
And pulled out plum (the title deod>,
Saying, What brave boy am Ii''
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

Writing of the eccentricities of Herr
Strauss, the dance music composer, a
Vienna writer says he is as nervous as G
composer as he is director. Clad in a
velvet costume, with patent leather boots
reaching to his knees, his eyes aflame
and in fit of inspiration, he goes strid-
ing through the house like maniac. Ii
inspiration does not come to him in the
salon, he clutches his papers and goes
to his bedroom or to his wife's boudoir.
Sometimes the waltz begun in the PAL
lor is finished in the kitchen. Mime.
Strauss, who appreciates and under
stands her husband 5 habits, has half a
dozen pianos scattered through the
house, and in each room table with
writing materials, so that i'll whatever
nook her husband finds himself he is
quite at home. Nine. Strauss was once
favorite actress on the Vienna stage.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
GEN. SH!AFTER'S LESSON.
II Was or This Occasion That He
Learned 20 Decide For Himself.

II Was or This Occasion That He
Learned 20 Decide For Himself.
here is & story that the Cleveland
Leader prOtfers about General Shafter.
1t centcrs about his salient trait of be-
ing pugnacious, just as all current and
well invented anecdotes of "Fighting
BOB" Evans ravoive around some i'll
candescent biz Of profanity. But the
story runs thus, lis the general is made
to tell it:
"Qnce, when I was boy at school-I
wash t more than 10 or ii years old at
the time-uur teacher called up the
class III mental arithmetic and began
putting questions, beginning with the
pupil at the head CT the row and going
down toward the foot, until some one
could give the correct answer. l stood
somewhere near the middle, and next
below Iue S9as h boy who was three
years older and considerably ahead OF
me in tho various studies that we had.
GLOW much are - and and 81!
the teacher asked.
"Whilo one after another Of the boys
and girls ahead Of me guessed and
failed to get it right I figured ont what
thought the answer ought to be. Lhe
question had almost got to ne when l
heard the big boy just below me whis-
pering, apparently t. himself, but loud
enough for me TO hear, '29, 90, 20,
"FinalIy the pupil above NE failed
to answer correctly, and then t was MY
turn.
a. IL T,,r,.-
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
a CHINESE WEDDING.
Everything Connected withthc Cere
monies Is Decked In Rcd.

Everything Connected Within Cere-
monies Is DecI<ed In Red.
The Chinese place a significance upon
every color, and in connection with a
wedding red obtains a deep rooted,
mysterious Importance, the next bridal
color in value being gold. At a be-
tTothal.ths bridegroom elect sends his
sweetheart pair of bracelets fastened
together with a piece of red ribbon OF
cord. The bride and bridegroom drain
two wine cups ut the wedding, which
are also connected by red cord. In
northern China the attendants wear
tall felt hats, and each hat has 4 red
feather stuck upright in it. The attend
ants also carry the wedding presents.
A sedan chair bears the bride herself.
In south China sedan most wonder
fully giIded is used by the wealthy
classes, and it is decorated with what
appears at first sight to be brilliant in
laid stones, but which are III reality
the glossy feathers Of the kingfshor. \
handsome cloth Of glowing red with
trimmed border is also thrown over the
chair.
In the case of the poorer classes red
is also the prevailing bridal color, and
n chair Of ordinary carved wood, paint
ed bright red, is used. Above the door
Of the chair Il kind of charm is plaCard-
ed or hung upon Il red cloth. The chair
itself is sent by the bridegroom, accom-
panied by what corresponds to our best
! man. This functionary brings with him
a letter written in yellow or gold upon
red paper, praying the lady to enter
and take her place.
Men dressed all in red and carrying
rcd parcels containing the presents fall
into the procession. Other bearers carry
boards and banners, inscribed i'll golden
letters upon Il red ground. These ban
uers tell the pedigree Of both parties.
Behind the bearers come the other at
PENDANTS, with long poles, on which are
hung very handsome lanterns. The
brides veil is Of bright crimson hue
and her dress regal gold and scarlet
Wide World.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
Miss Hoyt's Golf Arm.

Miss Beatrix Hoyt is Il nonpareil.
Yet woman, she has a mans arm and
Il mans clear eye. That stroke of hers
is an anatomical masterpiece, and some
day her golf arm" will be immortal
lied in that great history of sport and
athletics which Is bound to be written
sooner or later. But, in spite Of the en-
during accuracy Of that stroke, it is
wondered if the woman golf champion
Of the United States can throw q stone
and hit the nark.-Boston Herald.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
Domestic Repnrtcc,

She had put on her hat and gloves
and was NOV ing toward the door, when
he looked UP from his newspaper and
asked:
Where are you going?"
"a husband with good sense never
asks his wife where she is going"
But suppose woman with good
sense has the right to ask her husband
where he Is going:"
"a woman with good sense never
does anything Of the kind, because il
she has good sense she never marries, sc
she has no husband. Ia, tar
And it never dawned on her that she
had called herself an idiot.-Pearson'
Weekly
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
Disguised.

Old Lady Ito driver of growler)-
! =, driver, 1 want you to 90 very
carefully.
Certainly, num-"
"And not go racing with other cabs. -
"No, num-"
"And not go round the corners
quickly"
"No, num-"
After the job the old lady, handing
him the exact fare, shilling, said
'You have driven me very carefully
and well, and here is 4 shilling for
you. Have you driven cab all your
hfe:'
"No, mum. used to drive bearse,
and blest if don't 30 back to it. lt'sa
better game than this. 1 hope II! drive
yer again, mum. London Fun.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
Poker Diet.

Daniel O'Conneil's sarcastic and
graphic description Of a lady of stiff,
cold and formal mannersi is very happy,
"She has all the characteristics Of =
poleI-except its occasional warmth. .
This recalls the story of the two Irish
servants who, discussing the stiff and
unbending manners of the young lady
of the family, agreed that "when she
was baby her mother must have fed
her upon boiled poiiers, underdone!"-
London Standard.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

The Cleveland Leader says that a man
registered i'll local hotel the other day,
giving his place of residence as Sleepy
Eye, Mimi Half an hour later another
guest registered from Painted Post, Ia.
The clerk paid no especial attention
to this, but when the next man to regis,
ter boldly wrote "White Pigeon.
Mich. - after his name, both the clerk
and the bookkeeper began to get inter
ested.
While they were talking about the
queer names that had been given to
some of our western towns, dignified
looking man stepped up to the office,
whirled the register around, and
scrawled "Horseheads. n. Y"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

Mr.. Pitt-5inco your friend Blinkins
married Miss Bonds lie has been lead
ing the life Of Il dog
MI Peun Tin sorry fer him.
"Im MOI"
Don't you syuDathi@o with him.
mot at all lie mas notning to dc
but eat, sleep and alnuaa himself. it's
the life Of pet pug dog ne leads. -
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

She-I really ought to have new
hat.
Hollow wouId it do to stick few
feathers in the top crust of one of those
pies you baked last week? You would
have something that would last then.
-CincinEati Enquirer.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

Louis XII Of France, having made a
certain bargain with King Ferdinand
of Spain, found that Ferdinand had
grievously cheated him, whereupon he
made complaint Of his dealing The
Spanish king made answer to the court
as follows: "The king of France is
complaining that 1 have deceived him
twice He lies. [ have deceived him
more than ten times.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

"Thats quite a draft from the west
this morning." remarked the banker to
the cashier as they glanced over the
mail
The new office boy promptly closed
tho transom and again stood at atten-
tion.-Detroit Free Press
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

A Glasgow paper thus analyses the
music of the bagpipe: big flies on
window, ~ per cent; cats on midnight
tiles, IL per cent; voices of infant
puppies, per cent; grunting hungry
pigs in the morning, 81 per cent;
steam whistles, 3 per cent; chant of
cricket, 2 per cent.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
SuperIatiVrS.

Dr.. johnson says in his Grammar
of the English Tongue" "The com
parison of adjectives Is very uncertain,
and, being much regulated by commo-
dionsness OF utterance, is not easily re-
duCed to rules"
Then he quotes passages from Para
disc Lost, in which these words are
found, "virtuousest, " 'powerfullest, -
and Il passage from Samson Agonistea'
which contains the word "famousest. "
Surely Milton lad an ar.-No tes and
Queries.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

Yeast-This discussion about the size
of a whales throat, l notice, is still.
going on.
Crimsonbeak-Yes. It's too bad 10
nah didn't leave some report on the sub
ject He must have had some inside i'll
formation. -Yonkers Statesman.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

In Japan very useful accomplish
ment taught children is the use of both
hands i'll writing and other work; hence
there are no right or left handed peo-
pie, as rule, but both hands are used
indiscriminately.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

1t is reported that 100, 900 canaries
change hands every year i'll the United
Kingdom alone, the value of them be-
ing about GlOO, 900.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

The London Standard says the Scot
fish race is the most clannish, the most
ubiquitous, the most pertinacious auC
the most instinctively coherent i'll tho
world.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

Sissy" said the fresh young man,
docs your mother know you're out:"
"Oh, yes, replied the fair one, land
she gave me penny to buy monkey.
Are you for sale:"-Philadelphia North
American
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

New YorkeT-You are a stranger
here, presume!
Chicago Man (haushtily)-I am from
the great city that New York is jealous
of.
New Yorker-Ah! And how are
Weekly,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

An Arkansas contemporary records a
queer case Of financial irregularity. 1t
appears that a young man down there
swallowed u copper cent by mistake and
doctor made him cough up $2.-Chi-
cago Times Herald.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11
THE ECIS AND INTELLIGENCER
BEL AR. MD, NOVEMBER II, 1898.
,dE OLD HYMN.


sat within Il vacant room,
a low cciled room, quaint shaped, onk beam
CO,
With windows looking off to sea,
Ger which the sunsets glory streamed.
l watched tine faroff fitting sails,
And Halfway rock" that looming rose
a tower from the hcaVing sea
Whcreon the scattered isles rcpose.
And some one near me gently played
A dear cd hymn that stirred my heart.
Twas "Childrcn of the Heavenly King"
And what it woke made quick tears start.
The long years seemed to backward turn,
And l, "A little child again,
Held fast within his strong arms clasp,
While soft he crooncd the old refrain.
On, Just once more TO be- that child
And know again the blissful rest
The old hymn brought me, rocked to sleep
With pillowcd head upon his breast!
But only get little while,
Though earth may call it years that creep,
know he'll come to me again
And rock me to eternal sleep.
Mary DeveroUX in Boston Transcript
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1898-11-11

Wife (reading the paper)-The gi-
raffe has tongue Is inches long.
Husband-Aren't you jealous?-New
York World.