davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1898-12-01

First Tramp What do you sup
pose the lady meant 10y asking me how
long had been out of work?"
Second Tramp-"She was probably
trying to get at your age. Puck.
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1898-12-01
IntultIve Percention. /.

Lady Shoprer-"I want to get
something for boy of ten years. "
Salesman-'"lhe slipper counter,
down the second aisle on the right. .
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1898-12-01
A Striking DIslinctinn

Teacher-"Of course, you under
stand the difference between liking
and lovine?"
Pupil-" eS, -carm, l. like my
father and mother, but / -. D,o ..
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1898-12-01
A Conundrunl,

Higgins-"Well, I married you
only for your money, anyhow"
Mrs. Higgins-''I wish L could tell
as easily what I married you for"
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1898-12-01
Art aud Dentistry.

''The dentist who can draw tooth
without giving pain is certainly an
artist"
The person claiming to know some
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1898-12-01
NO. Is.

thing about the tendencies Of the day,
laughed bitterly.
"You are mistaken" he rejoined; !;
Sin these days no real artist can draw
anything without giving pain. Puck.
Greene County herald. (Leakesville, Miss.) 1898-current, 1898-12-01
A Romance.

Scene I.
The Count lin businesslike way)
= MIR. Rocky. I need money, your
daughter needs a title, and"
Scene II.
(Throe minutes later.l
Mr. Rocky Ito footman) James,
the window needs new glass. Lilo.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
Something Like : Search.

a Welshman who was in London
when extensive sewering operations
were in progress lost his watch. He re-
ported the matter to Scotland sYard, and
the officials said they would leave no
stone untnrned to ind the missing time
keeper. Shortly afterward Taffy again
visited the metropolis and saw street
after street turned up. He was told that
in all SO miles Of road were in the same
condition. He rushed down to Scotland
Yard and exclaimed TO the wondering
inspector:
81 didn't think I was giving you all
that trouble. If yon don't find the
watch BY Sunday. I wouldn't break up
any more streets. = Pearson q Weekly.
Dead Sure.
Pruyn-H Have you heard that horrible
story about old Stiffe being buried alive?
Dr.. Bolus chastity Buried alive?
IMPOSSIBLE Why, he was one 81 my
patients Brooklyn Life.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
The Dentists Opportunitv.

II was particularly busy on last
Tuesday" said the dentist. . My office
was crowded all day, and one Of the
last patients to be attended to was
big, fat, middle aged German woman.
She had been waiting for nearly three
hours, but at last it was her turn, and
she moved up to the chair with ali the
airy grace Of steam roller. Apparent
~ the crowd in the office had impressed
her deeply, for the first thing she said
was: 1.
Doctor, you vas doing goot bees
ness. % SIS. So f ..
Yes, I said, 4 keep pretty busy
= Ny, but you must be maiging a
big lot Of money! Say, doctor, vas you
q single man?' 1.a.
This was getting rather interesting,
but the question was fred point blank
at short range, and I felt that had to
answer, SO 7 admitted that such was
the case. By this time she had hoisted
herself into the chair, and she gave me
. look that well, you remember the
picture entitled The Amorous Hippo
potamus?' s55. 8
- Say. doctor. she said, .und ! vas q
single woman. Z = New York Sun.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
The Two Lobes of the Brain.

In the ordinary working of the brain
one half is more active than the other
and exercises a superiority on it's neigh
Dor lobe. This lobe-in ordinary per-
sons the left, of course-is the cerebral
master. Heredity, education, or what
we will-all the combined influences,
in short, which mold human life-have
tended, by some process of physiological
selection, to place one lobe over the
other in point Of Importance. The other
(right) lobe is the servant Of the left in
a measure It's education has been neg
lected, and it requires the control Of
it's better cultured neighbor in order
that life may be conducted in sensible
and sane fashion. The most hopeless
cases Of insanity, Wigan would have
held, would be those in which both
hemispheres were affected. If one was
alone ailing, the other might exert
more or less control over it, and the ex-
tent Of the control would depend on
which lobe exhibited the diseased ac-
5tion. All degrees Of insanity or mental
arrangement could thus be accounted
for on this supposition Of the relative
control of one hemisph BY the other.
The perfect life is that in which the
better and higher half controls the
weaker and less responsible Andrew
Wilson, M. D., in Harper's Magazine.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
"a Cool I'm"

"He's cool un, is the way the SOL
diers in certain English regiment de-
scribe one Of their officers, young man
whose self possession in time of dan
ger saved his men from defeat and
probably from death. The circum stance
which gave this officer his reputation
is related by Rudyard Kipling in The
Westminster Magazine. He writes:
A very young officer, who had gone
almost straight from school to the army
and thence to India, was leading his
company through a rocky pass on re-
turning from a scouting expedition
They were beset by the enemy, who
fred at them from behind the rocks,
and the men. were growing very un-
steady. Those in the rear began to be
impatient and shouted to the men in
front: Hurry up. What are you watt
ing for there?''
The young officer answered quite
coolly: "Hold ON a minute. I'm light
ing my pipe. -
And he struck match and lit it.
There was roar of laughter, and a SOL
der called out, Well, since you re so
pressin, I think I'll have pipe NY
SELF And he, too, struck a match and
began to smoke. This bit of fun steadied
the men, and they came through in
good order.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
The Old Sailors Yarn.

EYES," said the old fellow who pro"
fessed to have been sailor and who
hitched his unmentionables and rolled
in his walk that he might look the part,
Il was marooned onct.
cts solemn fack, gents. Fur ten
years lived alone on a South sea is
land. WASH jest deserted there, but
the ship blowed up an I was the only
one what ever reached land ag'in. I
hoated on spar to that there deserlate
island. None of you gents knows what
it is to be lonely, to have no Teller bein
to jaw with, to SEQ nuthin above but
the heavens and nuthin round you but
water. I would died if I hadn't ketch-
ed a sea gull and trained him so he
would mind like dog.''
Here sympathetic listener piped the
old fellow up to grog, and he seemed to
lose his bearings. "Ten times I writ
home," he went on, land half dozen
times cabled." r.
"Why, you old fraud, - interrupted
fresh water sailor who had been tax
ing in the narration, if you could send
letters and cablegrams, you weren' t
marooned. What kind of game is this
you're givin us?''
But the old salt was equal to the oc-
casion. Over he tumbled on the floor,
he went through the outward symptoms
OF fit, had to be supplied with another
dose of restorative and when he came
to. looked about him in a dazed way.
What hev I been sayin, gents?''' he
asked family. Ever since ] was maroon
ed ljhave these here spells and 60 to un-
windin novels. 1t was fur ten years,
gents, " and the last word foated back
as he made dash through the front
door.-Detroit Free Press
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
ARTIST AND CRITIC.

The Former Owes q Debt to the Latter,
Although Seldom Acknowledged.
The debt which the artist owes the
critic is not a small one, nor is it any
the less actual for being commonly lost
sight Of. It is a current belief that the
public is educated by the mere existence
Of the good work of art, and not by the
calculation of it's commentators. Edu-
cation by absorption is perhaps the most
deep going and farreaching form of edu-
cation, but it has never been found
practicable to rely upon it solely in
other branches of" mental acquisition
Then why believe that it can be relied
upon solely for the proper development
of the art sense? In effect it never is
and cannot be. How many people care
about poetry, let US say-feel it, are
reached by it? And can one doubt that
if more loving and careful analysis of
such Of it's products as appear today
were undertaken by critics competent to
convey to an Indifferent public the
perennial value of it's ministrations,
some of the unresponsiveness of the
average reader would disappear, and
some perception of the eternal signifi-
canoe Of the poets message would ex.
tend to the classes now given over to
nothing more tonic in the way Of read.
ing than the daily newspaper? We say
that one is born with the feeling for
the enjoyment of poetry and another is
not. Not so. At least, to say this is not
to say all. The feeling for the highest
aesthetic enjoyment and appreciation is
cultivable, and cultivable as is any 9TH
or faculty, by studying the material to
be enjoyed, by reverently coming it's
constituent parts. In short, a vague.
dreamy delight in the presence of some
beautiful work Of the artistic spirit is
not enough. It is not enough for intel
ligence, it is not enough especially to
produce the atmosphere of interest
which stimulates the painter, the must
clan, the writer, to sustained effort and
keeps him true to the pitch. We love
best what we know best. To rest in
loving without knowing is often the
merest sentimentality-a sentimental
ty toward which our Germanic forefa-
theirs had always leaning, while it
was especially antagonistic to the lucid
Greek and Latin spirit. 1.-THE Super
huous Critic" by Aline Gorreu, in
Century.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
LIN COLIN AND HIS CABIN ET
The Unexpected Discovery He Made About
Their Appointments.

u x 2
The Unexpected Discovery He Made About
Their Appointments.
Mr.. p. prominent historical writer)
went to President Lincoln to get an APP
pointment, and being asked Of what de-
nomination he was answered that he
was q Presby terian. s s w ell, e said Pres
ident Lincoln, 81 will have to look at
my book to see.''$'' He further said: 81
am not sure but the Presby terians are
full. ] have to do this s Ii
# Mr.. Lincoln then proceeded: g Bishop
Simpson was here the other day COM
planning Of my cabinets giving all the
ppointments to Episcopalians. did
not know anything about my cabinet.
I thought Blair a good old Presby terian
name, and as for Seward, Il didn' t know
until went to church with him that
he was an Episcopalian. =
President Lincoln had said to Bishop
Simpson You wait here. Ne are to
have cabinet meeting here directly,
and will see to it, and when the cab.
met came he said, Here is Bishop
Simpson making a complaint Of our Civ
ing all the appointments to the Episco-
palians. =
Said Seward: "That is not true Of
my department.. never give an APP
pointment to any man because of his
denomination, nor even know what he
is. y
Said Bishop Simpson: .'There was
DR.. McClintock, appointed to &c. to
Paris, a good Methodist, and Bishop
Hughes was put in his place. / suppose
you didn't know, sir, who Bishop
Hughes was?'' sob, had forgotten
about him.
WE'LL said Blair, you've got him
there, bishop, but there are not two in
my department. that are Episcopalians. =
"Sir, . said the bishop, 'tthere are not
two that are not. y Why" said Blair,
"that is not true, and you may come
tomorrow morning and look for your
self.'' s..5& 2 .iseea&. =
ct will be there at such time, -, and
he was there. AS he went in Blair said,
"Ah, bishop, you got Seward splendid
~ yesterday Bishop Simpson said, II
do not come to hear about him, but
about your department.
I haven't time to see about that. .
"sir, it is of more importance than you
know Yesterday you said there were
not two who were Episcopalians, and I
said there were not two that were not
Episcopalians, and so he forced him
to look at it, and he found that the
bishop was correct, and that there were
not two that were not Episcopalians.
All this Mr.. Lincoln said to Mr.. f., ).
who communicated it to one of the best
known citizens Of this country, man
OF unimpeachable veracity and equal ac-
curacy, who communicated it to us. ~
Christian Advocate.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
Opening His Eyes.

Jack (tenderly to the little brother Of
his adored one)--Wo uld you like to
know secret, Tommy: 3
Tommy Should think I would.
BLACKWELL, I'm in love with your
sister.
Tommy-Oh, that's no secret The
family has talked abont it every day.
since Aunt Emma promised Nell that
she'd bring about an oduotion.
Nuggets. s
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
LOVES OWN.
Where Love built his humble nest
Tired and thankful did [ rest.

Where Love built his humble nest
Tired and thankful did I rest.
Sweeter rest there could not be,
Though the black night covered me,
And Love whispered, Fart thou blestf"
And ! answered, Love is best
Where Love built his nest I knew
Thorns beneath the rose leaves grew.
Sweeter roses could not be,
Though the keen thorns crept to me.
And Love whispered, tart thou blestf"
And answered, t'Love is best.
Where Love built his nest blight
Blew from lands of Death and Night. S.
All that life had held of sweet
Lay in ashes at Loves feet.
Yet folded to his breast
Weeping, whispered, Glove is best.
So, with Love abicsng still,
! am Loves, to do his will, S
So his lips on mine are laid,
So his hand my couch hath made.
Still he whispers, cart thou blest 20
Still I answer, Glove is best"
Atlanta Constitution.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20

The hair on the heads of most Of the
hundreds Of thousands Of dolls exhibit
ed in shop windows is made from the
hair Of the Angora goat.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
After a the Concert.

Mr.. Wildwood How did you like
Mime. Medley?
81 Miss Highrocks She was wretched. y
Mr.. w ellwood I'm astonished to
hear you say that. thought she was
in fine voice.
Miss Highrocks oh, her voice may
have been all right, but m sure the
gown she wore never could have been
made III Paris Cleveland Leader.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20

The facilities for inland transporta-5
ton are so limited ID Brazil that the
inhabitants Of the ports find it cheaper
TO import grain from North America
than from their own farms
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20
Fields For Science,

There are three fields in which /
think hypnotism should be used. =
NV hat are they?''
'Po 'itios, football and bargain rush
es. &c Chicago Record.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20

The jell yfsh has no teeth, but uses
himself as il he were . piece Of paper
when he is hungry. getting his food and
then wrapping himself about it.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1898-04-20

The title Of colonel comes from a
word almost the same in several Ian
guages, signifying q column. The colo-
mel was SO called because he led or COM
manded column.