Mesa free press., 1898-09-16

Brownleigh Visiting friends In the
country)--I don't often get such good
supper. Johnnie (son Of host)-Neither
do we.-Tid- Bits.
Livesby MISUNDERSTANDING, necesser-
ty compels me ter axe yer fer some
thin ter eat. Mrs. Punly-Axe the
wood-pile first.-Judy.
Only Single Men Know.-"Do you
know how to manage a woman ~
"Why, of course not. I'm married.
Chicago Evening Post.
"Does my whistling disturb your
"Oh, not in the least. I'm used to hear
ing men whistle. I'm a collector for a
millinery house. Brooklyn Citizen.
The Parson-My boy, trust you
have some good and noble aim in life.
The Boy Why, cert! Do youse t'ink
I'm one of dem Spaniards &c Chicago
News.
II see an actor has been given CON-
mission In the army" 81 wonder il he
will insist on having the center of the
battle field?'' Philadelphia North
American.
She-Julie and Joe are engaged, but
they have decided to keep their en-
gagement secret; Julie told me so.
He-Yes, know It: Joe told me. Yon-
kers Statesman.
Fullace -Swavely does not enjoy a
very wide popularity, does he? Jack
Pot-No; he is the sort of chap who
always wins at poker.-Philadelphia
North American.
, "Are you going to buy any $40
bondsY said Mr.. Snaggs to his wife.
mot until they are marked down to
$19.88," replied Mrs. Snaggs. Pitts
burg Chronicle Telegraph.
Sunday Huntsman (boasting)- Hard
ly had been hunting quarter of an
hour when dead hare lay at my feet.
Doubling Friend-Do hares ever COM
NIT suicide ?-Fliegende Blaetter.
Clara-I see that Cynthia has decora-
ted her room with guns, pistols, swords
and the like. Cora-Yes; she always
has been a great girl for having arms
around her.-Yonkers Statesman.
Hicks Hello. Wicks; stopping at this
hotel? Wicks Stopping? Not a bit Of
1t. Ever since got here I've been kept
running around for somebody to look
after my things.-Boston Transcript.
Wickwire- Say, have been carrying
these I. o. US Of your until they are
almost worn out. Mudge-Don't they
make a miserable quality of paper
nowadays * Cincinnati Enquirer.
"What are you crying for, Bobby p
'Boo-hoo-Willie's broke his arm, an
IL I lick him all the fellers will say I'm
coward" why don't you wait till
he's well?" rBoo-hoo-I-I can't lick
him then" New York Press.
This Is the commencement season."
remarked the observant boarder at the
breakfast-table ''Yes," replied the
cross-eyed boarder, "and the sun is con-
ferring degrees upon the thermometer.
-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
His Training. How did Spudkins
get his appointment as brigadier gen.
eral? I never knew that he was con-
nected with the army" 'Oh, yes, by
marriage; his brother-in-law Is a Uni
ted States Senator. Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Naborly-So your name is the
same as your papa's, Harry? Harry
Yes'm. Mrs. Naborly-How do you
know when your mamma calls who she
means? Harry-Oh, she always calls
me kind of coaxing. Brooklyn Life.
Applicant afraid, mem. can't
take the place. Lady Of the House
But the wages are liberal and the work
is not hard. Applicant-That's all
right, mem; but there's no place in the
house to store me bicycle. Boston
Transcript.
Directory Canvasser-What is your
first name, Mr.. Peck. Mr.. Peck-It
was Claude before I got married. Di-
rectory Canvasser-Am to understand
that marriage altered your name? Mr..
Peck-N-no, but spell it Clawed now.
Chicago News.
when one Of the tubes on the Vesu-
vius is discharged" remarked the Ma
drid press censor, st merely gives a
slight cough" "Yes,' replied his assist
ant, ''but there are circumstances un-
der which slight cough is a mighty
dangerous symptoms" . Washington
Star.
II do SO admire Mr.. Steddygate," said
the young woman. HE is so original"
Really, Miss Phlippers," said the
bright young man, you should not be
SO sarcastic" I'm not; he Is the only
young man I know who Is not always
trying to say something bright and
new."-Indianapolis Journal.
"John," she said, you ought to pun
lsh that boy" What's the matter with
him?'' he asked. "He's altogether too
dictatorial," she replied. He wants to
rule everything" "Oh, WELL" he re-
piled, '1et him enjoy himself while he
may. He'll marry sometime, and that'l
end it."-Chicago Post
Kate-Belle and Charley seem to be
rather sweet ON one another. Maud