davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

that England will outstrip all her rivals
In the race. She has a firm foothoA
now both in Egypt and South Africa
and every year is acquiring additional
territory. England is the great col
onizer of the age, and her great naval
power will give her an immense ad-
vantage in the coming struggle.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

The British lion Is now maintaining
two wars against unciyilized tribes.
Both are being waged by the tribes in
an attempt to maintain or regain inde-
pendence, of which Great Britain has
robbed or is seeking to rob them. The
sun never sets upon the British empire,
anc 1t never runs its daily course but it
sees blood spilled by British bayonets.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

Science and sanitation not only ought
to drive yellow fever out of the United
States, but 1t ought +o drive out all
ouer fIrn s-seases. We talk about
the dirt of the Digger Indians, and yet
we are dying by the thousands all the
time from dirt. The objectionable sin
Of civilization is its daily death rate
from dirt
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
To Provide Domesfics,

The Housewifery Club, of New
York, is intended to facilitate domestic
work. 1t provides it's members with
maids having satisfactory references,
and stimulates the servant by paying
her prize at the end of certain time
IL her work has been satisfactory.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
She Still Thinks 1T.

Miss Passay-When l was 16 1
thought | was a young lady.
Miss Snippley-Wonderf
Miss Passay-Oh, there's nothing so
wonderful about that. Every girl Of
16 thinks the same thing.
Miss Snippley. l know. The Won
derful part is that you haven't changed
your mind for thirty years.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

New England farmers have organ
ICED cooperative hog-killing clubs. Un-
Ill q national organization is establish
ed. however, the person who sprawls
over two seats In a crowded railroad
car need feel no uneaslness.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

Mrs. Mckinley. mother of the Presi-
dent, has been informed that she is
one Of the heirs to the rich estate of a
relative who has just died In Scotland.
With the Presidency Of the United
States and fortune In Scotland things
are breaking nicely for William Nc
Kinley and his venerable mother.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
That Settled 1t.

''Why has Mrs. Langdon left her
husband and gone back to her parents?
She got to rummaging through his
papers the other day and found the re-
ceipt for his first wifes engagement
ring. 1t cost $40 more than he paid for
the second one"
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Lots of Recreation Time.

"That pretty Miss Boodell is always
talking about her fathers vacations.
What does she mean?
'Why, he is professional politician,
and never does anything between cam
paigns.'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Misjudged.

"I'm afraid that Mr.. HunksOn is a
very fast young man. He must not
come here any more"
"Oh, papa, you wrong him. Why, he
was raised in Philadelphia"
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Fast Friends,

Martha-Do you believe that Renee's
hair is dyed?
Jone-It isn't nice of you to say such
things! I'm very sure it isn't dyed.
Martha-How do you know?
Jane-I was with her when she
bought it.-Gaulois.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
True Conn miseration.

Honest Legislator-I've been insulted,
sir! I've been approached by a rascally
charlatan who offered me $40 for my
vote.
Sympathetic Friend-Terrible! Ter
ribleI Don't take it. It's worth $1OO.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
RhEnrife Poet.

Gaylord-Who is your favorite poet?
Domber-McJingle. He never brings
his poetry in. He always sends 1t by
mail with a return stamp.-Boston
Transcript.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

That the Prince of Wales is Sc years
ole Of course lessons his possible period
as king. However, he's supposed to
have had royal time as it is.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Aa f EH fs 4 # f8 EE . R.3 H
THE RAM.

NOE 1 was pass
ing through the
little town Of
Greenville, in the
Pennsyl Y a n | a
hemlock belt, "
said John Gill
bert, the travel
ing groceryman
"and stopped at
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
No EDGE ON the Cal.

"Just look at that kitten, will youY'
said Mr.. Lushforth. What satisfac-
ton do you suppose it gets in chasing
imaginary miceY
81 don't see why you should ask me" !"
said his wife. "You know more about
that sort of thing than do."-Indian-
apolis Journal
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Died a Natural Death.

Kindly Visitor noticing the empty
cage)-Did your canary die natural
death?
Little Reginald (promptly)-Yes; the
cat ate him.-Tid-B
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
lis Journa

Frayed Frawley-Gee, but l had er
beautiful dream las night!
Fatigued Faversham-Wotw wuz 1t?
Prayed Frawley-I dreamt dat er
bunch Of heiresses wuz chasin' me-
San Francisco Chronicle.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
The First Person Singular.

"That's the most egotistical man l
ever saw" said one usher at a theater.
Eyes. He won't even sit anywhere
except in Section l." I."-Washington Star.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

A Paris dispatch says: IN. Sauverin
was scratched in a duel fought early
this morning" Heavensi The women
have begun 1t now.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

Perhaps some children are naughty
because they have heard that the good
die young.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Surely.

Yeast-Pve just invested in one of
those salt-and-pepper suits.
Crimsonbeak-Well that sounds as If
it would be good for at least two sea-
sonS.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

II there is one real failure possible
In life, It Is the failure to be true to
the best one knows.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
A Culinary Device.

Young Husband-Dear, what was
that white powder you dropped into the
fire?
Young Wife (cooking)-That was bak-
ing powder, stupid! I'm ready to put
the cake into the oven.-New York
World.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

Pride LIS never so effectually put to
the blush as when 1t finds itself con-
trasted with an easy but dignified hu-
mility.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
lNGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born-Sayings
and DOings that Are Odd, Curious and
Laughabie-The Weeks Humor.
For Luck.

Hello, Brown. How did you get
your face SCARED soY'
Got run over by truck"
Didn't you see it cOmingr
'No. l was looking over my shoulder
at the new moon for luck. ."-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
It May Be 50.

"Why do actors always object to
One-night stands? ?''
Because they think the supply of
eggs might be exhausted by the sec
ond or third night, I guess"
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
He Deseryes One.

"Did you hear about the poet who
committed suicide because one of his
poems was rejected?
mo. Are they going to build mon
ument to himY'
what, to a fellow who committed
suicide?"
mo, to the editor who declined the
poem"
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

ton so successful as a conversational
iSt2
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

Babel-He's so taciturn-gives the
others lots of chance to talk.-North
American.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
, True fn Her
10 Her.

She-Are even your thoughts true to
me?
He-Yes, indeed! Whenever 1 kiss
another girl try to imagine it is you 1
am kissing.-Up-to-Da
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
A Wish,

"My youth" said the penurious man,
"was spent as a sailor"
''Pd like to have known you then"
"Why?"
''It would have been pleasure to see
you pay out something, even If it was
only a cable" Washington Star.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Cruel Man.

The Groom-The minister seems to
think he knows more about you than
| do
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
ExPEN SIvE BEETLES

Kansas Once Inhabited by Breed of
Insects Now Extinct.
Fifty dollars seems an extravagant
price to pay for one beetle. Yet Kan
sas was once inhabited by such insects,
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

Methuselah completed nine centuries
and he never even saw bicycle.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

The reason a woman Is In no hurry
to die is that she wishes to sweep into
he.-ven after everybody else is seated.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
HOW to Get 1t.

Blinks-You don't mean to say you've
found sure way to make money at the
races?
Jinks-Sure as shooting. l never fail.
Blinks-My! my! Do you buy tips?
Jinks-No, l sell them.-New York
Weekly.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Are They?

"How disagreeable are the eccentrici-
ties of genius
"Are they any more disagreeable
than the eccentricities of people who
haven't any genius ?'-Boston Post.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
BETTER Recommendation.

Jack-Here, old man, is a cigar | can
conscientiously recommend.
Joe-That's all right, but prefer one
you can conscientiously smoke.-Odds
and Ends.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

A long pedigree doesn't prevent q
horse from being the last Of his race.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
The Bride-HOW's that?
Secret of the Heart.

The Groom gave him ten and he
handed back five of it.-Town Topics.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

A New York physician says he "can
give directions for living a hundred
years." Well, anyone can do that.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
A Guileless Thief

A story is told about clever spanie
that took feather duster from hi
owners house, and while playing Will
it tore out all the feathers. The dog
after being shown the featherless han
die, was given whipping. He disap
peared and about an hour afterward
walked bravely into the house with {
new duster in his mouth and meekly
deposited the brush at the feet of hi.
mistress. By the mark on it she saw
that the dog had stolen 1t from a neigh
boring store.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Like LIGHTNING

MY Freddie rode like lightning the
first time he got on a wheel"
"You are fibbing.'
mot bit. Doesn't lightning go in a
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

Honesty may be stamped on a mans
face and yet leave very wide margin.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Fatal Neglect.

Observation-Disclosures the matter, my
dear?
Wife-Our girl has left.
Husband-Oh, well, don't let that
worry you. There are plenty more.
Wife-But 1 forgot to get a recon-
mendation from her.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

More than half the time when a WON
an betrays a secret some man is at the
bottom of it.
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

No man should try to ride wheel un.
less he has horse sense
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19

But don't forget, kind reader, that
The knocking is never done before
A man has door to be knocked at,
The Winslow mail., 1898-02-19
Icicle Bill-Robbed robbed!l of me
all, me sandwich.-St Louis Republic.
Fortunes Visit,
door,


Good fortune may knock at each mans
door
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
The Mntnrman.. Die

Here IS melancholy story of motorman and his luncheon: The car was nearly ready to start at the beginning of the route. when a woman got on and took her place on the front seat along with the driver, a stern, married-iooklng man." who had a basket be. slde hun, and was somewhat hurriedly eat ing his luncheon. The woman began ask. ing questions, and the man, as she left him opportunity, continued to snatch now and then bite. By and by at the ring of the oell he let on the power and the car started, while he held in one hand great slab of cherry pie" A few blocks down the street an, impish child danced across the track suddenly so near the car that the gripman put on the brakes, and the woman with the aln.,quiring mind. rose to her feet in alarm. The danger passed, she sat down again heav. ny. The stern-faced gripman had ceased to eat his pie. You don't have much time for meals. do you!" asked the woman with the inquiring. mind "No'm," replied the grip man, sadly. Where's your pie?" went on t the woman. with the inquiring mind. ton Post.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
WHY HE APPROVED.
There Was Just Faint Suspicion of self-Iptcrcst in His
 Complaint.

It isn't every man in Uncle Sam's pay who feels hls responsibility as does an old Irish man. who Is a treasury messenger Just the other day he was berating an absent clerk for. leaving some pins on the edge of his desk where they might be brushed off by anybody passing. s~
 They'll be swept on the flure." said he, and wasted, to the extravaganza of the government, which IS already so hard up it $ borrowin' money, it is, to pay ixpinses, and it's shame, 1t is, for the min in the gov. ernment imploy 10 be wastin' pins which cost money"
 There was general laugh at the earnest. ness of the old mans complaint, and some. body said he deserved an increase of salary for his devotion to the interests of the coun- try. And then, as the clerks trooped out, the old man said to the last of them
 Yis, it's all right for yees gazoo byes to be laughin' at me. I'll see nothin' wasted here. They kin laugh, but it's not thm that has to go down on their hands and knees to pick up thim pins. Detroit Free Press.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Getting Things Mixed.

An open-air preacher, addressing . meeting to young men on the subject oI The Prodigal Son." became en- lnusiastic in showing the depth and persistence of paternaf love, and final- ly shouted: Brethren, believe that the father kept that fatted calf for years awaiting the return of his son. -Tit-Bits.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
The Enormous Gold Product of 1898

This will be the greatest gold year in his. tory. From South Africa, the Klondike and Australia the precious metal is being shipped in large quantities. It is believed that this years output will be nearly double that of any previous twelve months The sales of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters are also increas ing very fast, and this year that famous remedy will cure more people of dyspepsia indigestion, constipation, nervousness and weakness than ever before.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
An Explanation.

Look" exclaimed lady to her compan. ion at the opera. ''There is Mrs Oldine in that box. Her hair is jet black ard I'm posi- tive it was. streaked with gray the last time 1 saw her.''
 Very true. dear" replied the ether, Out you know her only brother died three months ago.
 Indeed! But what has that got to do with the color of her hair?''
 Why, don't you understand? She's in mourning. Chicago Evening News.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
He Is stiII Figuring or r

he-fes, really feel as if 1 ought to do something for my country.
 She-Oh, well, 1 think you have done something for it.
 He-l don't know when or how.
 she-Why, you were away in Europe ali summer, weren't you?-Chicago Daily News.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Loves Labor Lost.

Mir. Bickers Ga bachelor) )-Thomp son got married so that he wouldn't have to go to the war.
 Mir. Tiff Ga bcnedicD-If he thinks he can avoid fighting that way he is very much mistaken.--N. |. World.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Sure Method.

Have you marked the newspaper you sent to Caroline, so that she may be certain of seeing the paragraph you want her to?"
 No, but Eve cut out the paragraph that's the safest ."--Moonshine
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
The Matter of Are.

Aged Millionaire-And you refuse me?
 MisS Beauti-I am sorry, sir, but I cannot be your wife.
 'is 1t because 1 am too old?" No. Because you. are not older."- N. |. Weekly.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
An Aluminium.

Mrs. Hunt-You surprise me! 1 didn't know that Miss Flash was col. lege graduate.
 Mrs. Blunt-You didn't? Why, she'i one of the aluminium of Vassar college Richmond Dispatch.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Cutting.

He-You appear to be angry with my friend from the west; but you mustn't mind what he says. He's a rough diamond, you know.
 She-Then l shall assist in cutting him.-Puck
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Tome's Changes.-"Why, Mir. Grumnv ,, exclaimed his old friend. whom he had no, seen for years, "your daughter looks just the same as she did when baby" Well. she's not the same, by good deal. Then you could never get her to sleep. Now you can never get her to wake up when you want her to."-Detroit Free Press.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
NlfJIlEz25iEEZl YItz5l1Sg$ae $
He Did Not Tell.

Mother-Johnny, what do you mean by playing with that Gubler boy? Didn't I tell you never to let me hear of such thing again?
 offspring needn't blame me for hearing it. l didn't tell you.-Boston Transcript.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
She Knew,

Hiram describing his trip to the city)-l went inter the store an got In one uv them things that take you right up tew the roof in jiffy-what d call 'em, Marthy?
 Martha = Them's shop-lifters.- Puck.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
He Had Hi. Good Points.

Ferry-That isn't much of tailor You are patronizing now.
 Hargreaves-I know he isn't much of Il litter, but he is so shortsighted he can't recognize man ten feet away stray Stories.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
In Emulation,

Archie" said his most intimate friend, you told me you were going to propose to Miss Grinstead. How did you come out?"
 "Throgson." replied Archie, with a dry sob, T have had sad but glorious day!"-Chicago Tribune.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Cause and Effect.

"Why don't Quigg and his fancee get married?"
 They both spent so much trying to captivate each other that they cant afford it."-Brooklyn Life
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

fist Veteran-"1 tell you these modern improvements in long range guns and chilled steel projeetiles have made war good dea rlskier than it was in our day" Second Vet eran- Yes; l see that somebody has in. vented a gun now which, at a thousand yards, will go clear through small pocket Bible carried over a mans heart. ,,-Pnck
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Extreme Measures,

'Dr. Piker must be hard up for sur gical practice"
 What makes you think so?" He has bought his own children a Gilly goat."-Chicago Record.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Travelling.

guess that it is nothing more than an idle rumor."
 Idle? I guess not. It is the busiest oid rumor that ever happened."- Brooklyn Life.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

The Greatest in History has learned one thing, at least" What is that? That the explosion of the Maine was terrible catastrophe for her coun- try. Detroit Free Press.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
A Warm Day.

Why do you weep, oh, gentle lass? Could not grim woe consent to pass One of your grace and station?" T am not weeping, sir" quoth she "The tear drops that you think you see Are simply precipitation" -Washington Star
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Twa of Them.

m saddest when sing" she shrieke, While he, the horrid thing. Bat back and said: Me, tool am The saddest when you sing" Chicago Daily News.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Another Lost Illusion.

.Tears. idle tears." the poets time-worn phrase, Though favorite and familiar, is not true. For tears. know. can work in many ways. Asyou can tell when they've been worke on you.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Wheat 40 Cent. 1. uu.beI.

How to grow wheat with big profit at 40 cents and samples of Salzer's Red Cross (S0 Bushels per acre) Winter Wheat, Rye, Oats, Clovers, etc, with Farm Seed Catalogue for cents postage. JOHN A. SALZER SEED CO, La Crosse, Wis.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
The old. Old Story.

A man who got full of red liquor, Began to quarrel and to biquor.
 Then he went home to his wife And stirred up strife, By trying to slug and kiquor. Chicago Daily News.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Family Diversion.-"My wife dislikes te have me shop for her" Are you good al oargains!" Well she says I can beat the world at making five dollars do the work nj one. Detroit Free Press.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
How They Do It.

No need of ships to move the boys When comes the word to fight; For all the troops at once will be In transports of delight. IN Y. World
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Hard to Digest.-"Did you hear Cusser ha dyspepsia?" "No: how did he get itS
 "Slugem made him eat his own words. ."-N Y. World.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Waiting for Duty's Call.

"Gimbler. are you ready to serve your country?"
 Ready? l would go to congress at moments notice."-Chicago Record.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
None Can Escape.

Maud-Yes, as Goethe says, Poets must suffer before they can write"
 Dorothy-True, and then it is our turn.--N |. Truth.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Meekneaa.
"What huu
.-Puck.

What hundred books are best think your"
 I said, Addressing one devoted to the pen. He thought . moment. then raised his
 head;
 T hardly know-Pve written only ten" IN. Y. Truth.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Perchance 'tis manhood's highest type Who digs within the ditch to-day Iris one mans lot to lay pipe,
 Another mans to pipe lay. Brooklyn Life.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

The Tiger-Pve been chasing mis sionary for ten miles. Have you seen anything of him?
 The Lion-He just stepped inside.- N |. Times
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Peasant-...Five dollars fine for enter;ns this estate" Tourist-"But why is ne warning sign put up then?" "We had one. put took It down again, for while it was ur
 no one came "-Flepende Blaetter.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Three hundred years ago any man sbsen. rom church on Sunday was fined n shillino What 2 war revenue that would produce to. day.-Chicago Daily News.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
An InexhaustibIe supply.

Her father was a druggist.
 She was cashier in his store: And the other girls all envied The complexion that she wore. Chicago Daily News.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

The amateur who practices daily on a eornet in thickly populated neighborhood has ample nerve for any undertakinp- Chicago Daily News.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Fits stopped free and permanently cured
 No fits after first days use of Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer. Free g trial bottle & treatise. Dr. Kline, 933 Arch st., Phila., Pa.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Hans. if you are very good and get q high mark in school, I will give you ham sandwich" But, mamma, do you imagine l can be bribed ?"--Fliegende Blaetter.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Made Them All work.

Mir. Luxoe-Then you don't believe in for. eign servants?
 Mir. Tarif-With wife and three grown daughters Not I. believe in encouraging home industry. y.-Rrooklyn Life
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

A boy never appreciates meal when in viteu out until he is paying his own board ol meal ticket.-Atchison Globe.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

have found Piso's Cure for Consumption an unfailing medicine.-F. R. Lotz, l3O5 Scott St.. Covington, Ky, Oct. l, 1894.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Every sort of genius is not appreciated people find 1t hard to admire a good ball col lector.-Atchisoa Globe.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

You never know some people until YOU nave had money transaction with them Atchison Globe.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
The stop-over Privilege.

Passenger-Is this ticket good te stop of?
 Conductor-Yes'm. But it won't b. good to git on again.-N. !. Weekly.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Worthy.

Father-Has this young man ever done anything to make him worthy oi your hand?
 Gertrude Yes, father; he never tried to make . Dewey pun.--N. '. Truth.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26
Susceptibility.

The smiles that wrecked our hearts last
 year
 May harmless play around us: Rut new smiles that are just as dear will meet us and confound us. -IJp to Date.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Even good dog is appreciated. .-Atchison Globe.
The Forrest City times., 1898-08-26

Cholly-The great advantage of . tandem over single wheels when one taxes his girl for a spin is that the girl cannot stop when she pleases.- Leslie's Weekly.