The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1898-09-14
Special to the Scranton Tribune.

A starruca man swallowed pin
and IL finally turned up in the wooden
leg of distant relative.
1T is the partings In this world that
give us pair" says Ella Wheeler VIII"
cox 1t is the meetings, too. Ask the
man who has a note to meet tomorrow
or the next day.
The newest thing i'm the great dailies
nowadays Is the date line.
A thing of beauty is a JOY forever,
If you are wise enough to let some
other fellow marry her.
II was before Washington went into
politics that he could not tell lie"
The record is silent after that.
School is open. and now Willie. when
he gets a quiet chance, goes and puts
a double lining in the basement of his
pants.
MATTERS EDUCATIONAL.
1t is probable that there will be
uniform course Of study in the public
schools of the county.
The SusQuehanna Teachers assocla-
tion will meet in Hartford. Sept. 1917.
The Susquehanna County Teachers
institute will be held in Montrose Oct.
17-21.
The County Directors association will
meet in Montrose, oct, 20.
AN AWFUL POSSIBILITY.
Bre'r Haines, the war-like and usu-
ally blood thirsty editor of the Homes
dale Independent, has taken his sword
TO a blacksmith's shop and had 1t
transmogrltied into pruning hook.
Hear him:
I'VE would rather be a Philippine ISL
ander and wear no shoes than to be
an impersonation of force and murder
and blood"
The sight of Bre'r Haines as a Phil
ippine Islander. dressed" in earrings.
wading barefooted through the pellu-
cid streams of dear old Wayne county,
would be a sight for men and gods.
Where is Anthony Comstock?
IN SUSQUEHANNA COUNTY
The Mormon Elders are at work in
Great Bend. At last they have struck
a congenial cline.
A Prohibition rally will be held in
Carpenters grove, Uniondale, on FRI
day next.
The next annual encamDment of the
susquehanna Veteran association will
be held in Riverside park, Lanesboro.
The first Sunday school convention of
the Fourth district of Susquehanna
county will be held at Kingsley, Sept.
10.
Hallstead and Great Bend will soon
have electric lights.
There is still blood on the face Of the
moon. The Hallstead bicycle war is
still on. Let us have less language
and more mortal combat.
The Susquehanna county gold seek
ers who started for Klondike, but who
were put off at Buffalo," are among
the fortunate ones of the earth.
Forest City will have a cornet band.
There will be usual slump in real estate
values.
The descendants of Isaac Doud will
hold a reunion on Wednesday at the
residence of Joseph Doud. in Lenox-
vile.
Farmers Institutes will be held in
Susquehanna county as follows: Cliff
ford, Dec. IA; Hopbottom, Dec 10;
Montrose, Dec. 16; Rush, Dec. 10, %.
HE STRUCK \ STUMP.
Editor Glider. of the Forest City
News, recently attended the Free
Methodist camp meeting in Ararat and
became terribly intere sted. At the
conclusion of the services he started
for home on a Wheel full of inspira.
ton, rcpentancc-and sandwiches. Rid
ing rapidly along the rocky highway
he gazed upward at the full moon, and
in an instant his pent-up soul found
voice in the grand old song, roll on,
o Silvery Moon Just then his wheel
struck stump, and the enthused edi-
tor rolled on through space some
where over in Clinton township.
\ hoot owl laughed with ghoulish glee,
and the moon grinned joyously. After
a long, dead silence the editor assem-
bed himself together, and. returning
u the stump, shook his fist at it and
cried: "Drat you. You have knocked
ten years of possible repentance and
sixteen good resolutions out of me-"
Then he mounted his wheel and weari-
ly whirlod to the sacred precincts of
the idea factory.
NEWS AND OTHER MATTERS.
The sad-eYed calf, the frost bitten
pumpkin ana the starry bed quilt are
beginning to tread their annual trir
TO the county fairs. Circuses may
come and Circuses may bust, but tht
county fairs 60 on forever.
The annual reunion of Company D
Fiftieth Pennsylvania Volunteers, will
take place in Montrose September %
A mission, conducted by Dominican
fathers, is being held in ST. Lawrence
Catholic church.
The "Vllage Improvement Society
will place galvanized iron cans abou
town to be used by the public as re-
ceptacles, for paper and other litter
which is now thrown on the streets
The Hartford fair will be held Sep
tember 2s-29 The Welsh singers from
the Wyoming valley, will give concerts
each day.
They have sunrise prayer meetings
In Montrose. 1t is to be feared tina
few of the county seat people are earl!
risers.
The Montrose fair will be held Octo
her AS. 1t promises to be a very sue
cessful exhibit.
W. d. Jeffers, of MontTose. ha
brought an action In trespass agains
ID. Billings, OF Tunkhannock. TIL
charge is that the defendant has Sian
dered the plaintiff in saying that miss
ing money had been traced to hin
Plaintiff wants $4,000.
FLOTSAM AND JETSAM
Deaths OF great men all remind us
There are great men still about us;
When we leave the world behind us
II will get along without us.
When "A man and woman discuss tn
subject of matrimony, one seldom get
the better OF tho other. 1t usually re
suits in tie.
Advertising Is q good thing, but whe
g Binghanlton groccr recently carrie