The sun., 1897-11-14
KISSING FNp INDIGESTION.
E:nincn' Scientific Authorities De.
clare Tha; Oscuia.irn Will Heal
Chronic DysEcDt

clare inat tISculi')tl VIII Hca!
! Chronic Dysrcpt;cs.
The following story appears in The
New York Evening Telegram, and if it il
true the Delaware Division should at
once establish special train service be.
tween this city and Seaford.
"Kissing as sure cure for indigestion.
This is the latest medical fad. A So
ciety of chronic dyspcptics has already
been formed in Scaford, Del, to advance
the idea, and it is probable that converts
to the new cure will quickly number
thousands thoroughout the whole coontry
The theory is that by exciting the
nerves OF the mouth in the process of os-
culation, digestion is much aided. Pro-
fesSor Brdger, Of London, Eng, was the
first to proclaim as a scientific fact that
kissing is an excellent tonic, and that it
will in many cases act as preventive
against, if not as an absolute cure for,
dyspepsia. \ Scaford, Del, man, who
is one of the chief movers in the new
Therapcutical Osculatory Society, de-
cares that for twenty years he had suf-
fcred from indigestion, and tried hot wa
ter, medical compounds Of all sorts, and
massage; but that he has recently been
cured by regularly kissing pretty girl.
| interviewed number of eminent
physicians and few pretty girls of this
city to-day, but they one and all declined
to allow the publication of their names
as authorities upon the curative quality
of kissing. The doctors, however, ad-
mitted that the theory had its foundation
in solid, scientific facts, and the girls tes-
titled that they experienced an intensiti-
cation of the appetite after a continuous
kissing performance.
When certain English bacteriologists
announced that kissing was a dangerous
pastme by which the bacteria of certain
diseases might be communicated, Pro-
fessor Bridger pointed out that health
microbe, as we'll as other bacillus, may
lurk in the osculatory apparatus, and it
is believed that a failure to absorb suf-
iicient quantity of these hygiologic germs
into the system is the cause of old maids
looking jaundiced and bachelors dying
sooner than benedicts.
"Kisses, when selected with due care
and taken on the installment plan,"
says an eminent authority, "will not
Only restore a misplaced appetite, but
they Danish that tired feeling tone up
the liver and invigorate the heart.
II found by patent experiment that
the health microbe becomes active at tif-
teen, reaches maturity at twenty, begins
to lose vigor at forty, and afterward be-
comes practically useless as tonic.
Thin BLUSH lips produce very few
health germs and those scarce worth the
harvesting, but full red mouth with
Cupids curves at the corners will yield
enormously if the crop is carefully culi-
waited.
II have not yet discovered whether
the blonde or brunette variety is cntitIcd
to preference in medical science, but
incline to the opinion that a judiciou>
a'mixturc is most advisable from Il lhcr-
apcuticul STANDPOINT. Great care should
be taken when collecting the germs not
to crush them by violent collision or
bow them away with a loud explosion
which sounds Ikea COW pulling her hind
loot out Of ii rlud hole and jars the putty
of the window pancs.
"Tic best results can be obtained
about the midnight hour, when the dew
is cn the garden rose and the mocking
bird is triIling laSl goodnight to his
drowSy mate.
"Don't be in Il hurry, but as somehow
her little hand gets tangled up with your
own, and after a spaSnodic tlutlrr re-
mains there, as she studicH tie stars, you
should move your shoulder forward to
give lrr head rest, and cautiously get
possession of her other hand
"Be patient; when she wants you to
kiss her she will find means to maks it
manifest, and maid worth kissing de-
SpScs a forward man. She looks very
beautiful with her face uptlrncd, and as
she withdraws her eyes from the stars,
slowly turning them drcamily upon
yours, you notice that they are filled
with astral fire. They roam idly over
the horizon, then close rs beneath a
weight of wcariness
'IIcr head rests more heavily against
your shoulder and her bosom tremblcs
with half audible sigh. There is now
really no occasion for further delay. Do
not swoop down upon the health germs
like a hungry hawk upon a gosling, but
incline your head gently until your care
fully deodorized breath is upon her lips
then pause, for the essence Of enjoy
mcnt is in anticipation. Wait until her
eyes, half open, look inquirngly into
yours and close again, then squeeze her
gently but firmly with one arm, support
her chin with the other hand, and give