Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-01-14
.H4s|Asa|!EE!y!:!!R!.
'sT'll not be engaged to any man
Less . solitaire he will bring"
She was 20 then, she's 80 now;

She was 20 then, she's 80 now;
Shed accept most any old ring.
Buffalo Times.
Wife (dejectedly)-I'm a perfect
fright. Husband (consolingly)-No
mortal Is perfect, dearest.
Mr.. Savery-Whatl Retrimming your
last years hat! You are an angel! Mrs.
Savery-An angel, am /? Well, then.
give me $40 to buy wings.
"Have Scribbler, the author, and his
wife made up?" "Oh, yes. She now
reads what he writes and he eats what
she cooks."-Fliegende Blaetter.
"Well, now that you are back you
can tell US how much 1t costs to 60 to
Europe" "All you've got and all you
can borrow over there"-Judge.
Dabney-Glibney started on century
run to-day. Babley-Where has he
gone? Dabney-After the fellow who
stole his wheel.-Roxbury Gazette.
by the way, how did that scheme
you went into pan out-the one to get
sugar out of beetsY' 1--WE got beat out
Of the sugar" Cincinnati Enquirer.
The story about pretty girl kiss
Ing burglar by mistake is all wrong
and should be suppressed. 1t is an
incentive to crime.-Chicago Post
Miss Scraggs-Yes; once, when was
out alone ON dark night, saw man,
and, oh, my goodness, how ran! "And
did you catch him, Miss Scraggs"
when get into my new house /
mean that everything shall go like
clockwork." ~ see; the same as here
tofore; tick, tick."-Boston Transcript
Truth crushed to earth will rise again,
When comes the proper juncture,
While error, wounded, writhes in pain,
And can't repair her puncture.
indianapolis Journal.
If Eve hadn't tempted Adam with
that apple, what would the modern tai
Tors, milliners and dressmakers be do
ing for living now?-Somerville Jour-
nal.
"And what do you regard as the
greatest triumph of modern surgery?"
COLLECTING the bills" promptly re-
sponded the great practitioner.-Chi-
cago Record.
First Tramp-That old Teller what
wuz givin' me der lecture said he didn't
know de taste o. liquor Second Tramp
We'll. OATS some excuse fer him talk
in de way he did.-Puck.
One Matron-Since have been mar
ried have taught my husband good
taste. Alphabetically? 1t is a good
thing for you that you did not teach
him before you were married.
Ibid old Grumpey make much of a
kick when you asked him for his daugh-
ter?" did he MAKE much of kick?
The doctor says am threatened with
curvature Of the spine. Detroit Free
Press.
"Harkw cried the longthaired maya
zine poet, "how the people cheer me
how they recognize genius" you're
mistaken" whispered his wife. "They
think you are a football player."-At-
lanta Constitution.
Father-It was strangely quiet in the
parlor while that young fellow was call
Ing last evening, Edith. Daughter
Yes; he's one of the U. Of Nj. tackers
and seems to think Of nothing else
Detroit Free Press.
"T'm putting up prescription for
your wife's milliner," said the drug
clerk to his employer. "What shall l
charge herT "What is the usual price
for what she Is getting?" FIFTY cents"
"Charge her $2.75."-Texas Sitter.
"Mrs Digby has husband that re-
ally thinks something Of her." What
has he doneT why, instead of bet
ting to win hat on the election for
himself he bet new bonnet for his
wife."-Chicago Record.
81" he shouted, impassioncdly from
the rostrum, II shall begin at once In
the noble work of crushing tyrantsw
Then, after the storm of applause had
ceased. he went home and tried to mash
the hired girl:-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Mrs. Dusenberry-Its dreadful to be
disappointed in love. Mr.. Dusenberry
There is something great deal worse
than that. Mrs. Dusenberry-What,
for Instance? Mr.. Dusenberry-To be
disappointed in marriage.-Texas Sift-
er.
"How do you like the new leading
lady you have, Footlites?" "She won't
do at ALL She's only been married
twice, and hasn't had any diamonds
stolen for a year. She's got no ener-
- ~ C;noinnoti Cnn,naro;al
Tribune.
"Did you know" said the man who
was reading an article about the con-
traction of metals, that a clock ticks
faster In winter than SUMMER" mo,
I never noticed that about clock.
But I know a gas meter does. Wash
ington Star.
Husband Ito wife)-I cannot conceive
what Is the matter with my watch; !
think II must want cleaning. Spoiled
Child (breaking in)-Oh. father, l don't
think 1t needs cleaning. Baby and.
had it washing in the basin for ever
so long this morning.
Mr.. Spriggins (gently)-My dear,
Boston man was shot at by a burglar,
and his life was saved by button
which the bullet struck. Mrs. Sprig-
gins-well, what Of 1t? Mr.. Spriggins
Nothing, only the buttons must have
been on.-Boston Traveller.
1T Is too bad" said Gobang, "that 1t
should have rained the first time you
wore your new dress and spoiled it."
81 don't mind spelling the dress so
much" said Mrs. Gobang, 'but the
rain kept all the other women at home