The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1897-12-09
GALL RIGHTS REsERvED.l

now they scarcely seem real; they rather
seem like those fl shes which haunt us
when we are suddenly awakened from
strange dreams. Lest they should fade
altogether, as dream memories do, | am
going to recall them as wildly as 1 can
then, when | have committed then, to
paper, shall give the writingato the only
friend L have left, my good Priest, who
loves me like a father. In his care know
should (Which God forbid), it may be my
justification.
Before proceed to my narrative, how
ever, let me frankly lown to myself. and
TO anyone who may hereafter read these
words, that have been justly punished
Tor my own frivolousnegs and folly. Like
many another thoughtless woman,
played with fire, little thinking that it
might some day imperiI my life and
honor. A young girl, alone in the world.
anu with no guide but her own caprice,
cannot be too circumspect in her relations
With the opposite sex. /, so far from being
circumspect, was foolhardy. Treated
spoiled child, idolized an tiattered on
every hand, L craved only for sympathy
and alteration, and l was careless in
awakening feelings to which L never in
tended seriously to respond. Although
not at heart coquatte. | certainly be-
haved like one. and L have paid the PEN
atty.
All that 1 can urge in my own defence
is that my position was a peculiar one,
and that had little or no experience.
Brought up in England, where people
were SO much more sophisticated and
commonplace, | was placed under extra
ordinary circumstances in the midst of a
society which was to a great extent un-
conventional. My Suitors, gentlemen in
external appearance, had all the strong
passions and prejudices of the half -civil-
lied. They could not understand mere,
friendship they mistook frankness for
cordially, and camraderie for love. A
kind word, gentle look, pressure OF
the hand, was interpreted instantly into
the warmest of sentiments.
Thus it was that / began so unfortu-
nately with my cousin, Patrick Blake. I
was really sorry for him, wanted TO
show him that was truly his kins-
woman, and before I knew what I was
doing, mad made him think that I was
in love with him, and that he had only to
ask and to have. He did ask, and had
to be cruel. AS the issue showed, was
not cruel enough. .sotss5
Then again, another consideration
weighed with me. l felt, rightly or
wrongly, that most of those who pursued
me, including my savage cousin, did SO
because ] was wealthy woman, and
l6lG IudtiClOub plodsuT6 III usnRllI1S my
fortune before them and making them
believe that it was attainable. All the
time | was saying in my own mind, II
mean to smuse myself with the foolish
creatures as much as 1 please, but until
/ find man who loves me for myself
alone, will never marry.
This might have been all very well in
civilized England; among the wild noun
tains of Western Ireland it was playing
a desperate game.
When Patrick Blake first offered to
marry me was amused; he seemed to
think the assault SO easy. Even when all
his pent-up passion broke stormily upon
me, / was still amused and even fattered.
His threats seemed those of an illcon-
ditioned schoolboy; / could not realize
that they had any serious meaning.
discovered very quickly TINT was
wrong, and tried in vain, by gentle
measures, to repair the mischief had
done. I still felt sorry for him. knowing
that l had inherited what he might other
wise have possessed, and wished tosshow
him all the kindness in my power. This
amiability, I think now, was mistake.
I realized my position Tor the first
time after that first attack in the woods.
knew by instinct that my assailant was
no vulgar robber, and I identified him
almost Immediately as my Cousin
Patrick. What his reason was for SO ap-
parently aimless an assault l could not
understand, put had heard that he was
in league with desperate men, and l
called in the protection of the, po1lce.
1t was at this juncture that another
suitor for my hand, Mr.. Philip Langford,
interposed as possible protector. He had
already proposed to me, and I had de-
clined his offer; he now renewed his suit
with tenfold fervor. [ had to answer him
as before. But with womap's perver-
sity, I answered him SO tenderly as to
cavalier. Instead of Diminishing him at
once and for ever. deceived myself and
him with the will--o't .wisp Of friend
ship. @s
Then came the second attack on my
person, from which. as I believed, was
saved by the man whose offer of marriage
had more than once rejected. Again I
seemed to recognize the work of my
cousin, and remem bered his words" If
you refuse to have me, you shall have no
other mani" Terrified beyond measure,
WAS alm ost tempted to take Mr.. Lang
ford at his word, and constitute him my
legal protector. From this step was de-
tered by two onsiderations-my own
wish to retain my freedom, and Mr.
Langford' s irritating pertinacity
Let me be quite frank. My feelings
towards Mr.. Lanfgord were very different
from those which I entertained for Mr..
Blake. In every possible respect the two
men were contrast to each other. My
cousin. despite his good looks, was what
have described him TO be, an untutored
boy, the slave of low passions and coarse
vices. MIR. Langford, on She contrary,