New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-07-09
THE TALK or THE DAY.

1HE TAIN or 1HE DAY.
"You wish to be relieved from jury duty" said
Judge quoted by THE Green Bag" but you
haven't given good reason" 1T is to money
for the people" replied the unwilling talesman.
II have dyspepsia. Judge. and never agree with
anybody. If I go on this jury there will be a
disagreement. and the county will have to go to
the expense OF a trial" Excused" said the
Judge.
In Drowsy Debate.-"A man has to keep his
eyes open TO be politician nowadays" remarked
Possibly that is correct as general principle, ,
replied the other. but II you had looked around
last speech OF yours you would have had your
doubts "-tWashington Star.
The general passenger agent OF OF the Chi
cago Trunk lines received a letter from a Kansas
man the other day requesting pass for himself to
Chicago and return. There nothing about
letter TO indicate that the writer had any claim
whatsoever TO the courtesy he requested. but the
railway thought that perhaps the Kansan
had some connection with the road in some way.
| possibly a local freight agent So he wrote
back: please state explicitly on what account you
request transportation" BY return mail came
this reply: i've got to go to Chicago some way,
and don't want to walk"
Professor Workman. a German Investigator. has
tied from twenty-five to thirty wears and the
microscope has revealed the danger of OSCILLATION.
Now II somebody would only discover a musical
mcrobe the ban of science will have been put
upon Vein, Webb und Gesang. all three.-tProvi-
dence Journal.
a Massachusetts, branch of the order of the
Founders and Patriots Of America which was in
corporated In this city last year will receive its
charter in Faneu Hall. Boston, to-day.
LAY OF THE SUMMER.
Oh. I'd like to go with hansen
| To the Pole.
Where the grizzly bears are dancin'
In a chilly. trapped
With rhythmic sort Of motion
Wears her furs.
And Mr.. Seal. though sporting,
Meier demurs:
Ger eiei the country found by Greedy
Ever stirs-
Der the country found by Greedy
Ever stirs!
Oh I'd IKE N.u to be blooming
All his ,ro Gsqu ars assuming.
Then farewell to moods so melting,
With a SNOWFALL I'd be peing
Every wau!
All Of Greenlands icy mountains
! would do:
Drinking drinks that frozen fountains
Only brew.
There know they'd T. ne,er be trottin
ough for your"
Baltimore News.
The "Gaulois' relates little incident which
seems to imply good deal Of red tape In at least
one department OF Paris municipal affairs. few
days ago a retired policeman appeared at the bu-
reau of his district to collect his pension, which
was two quarters In arrears. He handed to the
Commissioner as proof Of the correctness of his
demand a "cerfcat de VIE" or paper setting forth
that he was living and was the proper applicant
for the pension I'm his name This certificate was
duly examined AID the policeman received a
check for the amount of the last quarter
! "But-excuse me-" he objected politely, there
are two quarters coming to me-
YES" assented the Commissioner, but In order
to give you the other / must have a second GER
| tihcate"
What exclaimed the astonished pensioner
another certificate! Why, the one you have says
that / am alive now. on June Is That ought to
be enough to prove to you that was equally alive
during last January and February and March"
II cannot argue the METER 1t Is the law, re-
turned the Commissioner.
And 1t was actually necessary for the policeman
| TO procure separate certificate affirming that he
was In existence during the first quarter Of the
year 1897 a similar declaration for the second
quarter being considered to have possible bear
| Ing on the question.
Temper.-"Maud's husband has an awful tenn
per. About once "A week he gets crazy mad and
| tears up her best hat"
"Oh, how nce!'
Nice"
"Of course. you silly thing Doesn't he have to
get her a new one next day.
II hadn't thought Of that."-(Cincinnat ENQUIRER
The following Japanese Englsh advertisement OF
a tooth paste recently appeared In a japanese
paper: "In the Fest there no good sanitary
tooth paste that was sure TO and safe to
J use. our Company resolved 10 prepare IA good
: natured paste and successed. The eficiences Of
this paste as following: Firstly to streng then
and preserve the nature OF the tooth: Secondly to
: tight the tooth with thingams Thirdly. 10 defend
n hemonhage arisen by fricirir Fourthy. to take
away the offensive smell Of the mouth Filthy to
offend the qualification OF tooth and so prevent
the carious ope. Any one who uses this paste will
certainly discover that 1t IL Of avery drfnl and
valuable nature By his practice To use this paste
1t Is necessary to vnse the mouth will walr afr
sabng the tooth carefully by the tooth brash."
! Summer Boarder-"Is this farm OF yours very
| fertilizer
Kansas Farmer-"Not very tried to raise q
mortgage on 1t last year and made Q failure
! (Oho State Journal