Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1897-04-30
Address Before The 3. 9. M. e.
[. Circle.

prominent young men on the uues.
ton, R"esolvsd, That the Old M,ids
OF Burke's Garden be colonized," be
fore the Burke's Garden Musical aud
Literary Circle:
Ladies', Old Miids, Gentleman.
Old Bachelors aud c. ildreu.
1t is with u feeling of delic ICY. 1
approach what seems to be the most
puzzliug question that has presented
itself in the history of the human
race Namely, What are we to do
With the Old Maids of Burke's Gar.
dent
This, is perhaps the fret time that
one has dared to make public this
question. "Buta time like this de
mands strong hearts, true faith anil
willing hands,
am here to night to uphold. what
seems to me and my constituents, a
cause that if sustained by you liber
ty loving people, though unprece.
dented by any people of any cline.
will place Burks's Garden On the
topmost round of renown aud glory.
Whyt Because it will be due to Ler
action that the world has found out
what to do with these sisters of the
past century.
1t will be useless for me to enum
erato the reasons why we should col
onize these faded beauties. Suffice
it TO say they are expensive, they
are useless, they are unsought for,
found when not looked for, seen when
aud where not expected. but above
all these. they are dangerous 10 the
social circles of our beautiful valley.
My opponent doubtless will plead
their stay with us, with tear stained
eyes-with n degree of feeling. For
l. feel sure that he has reached that
age when, he too, has deep feel
ing of sympathy for those swiveled
grains of the human race, whose pur-
pose in existence is beyond the real,
and whose place ip the worlds histo
ry can only be found by placing
them in some far distant isle, where
the face of man can, and I feel sure
will neUer bD seen There to form
their own government, for our sys.
TEN OF government touches not their
natures in the least.
Fellow citizens, it is great detri
'nent to our country to have twenty
five or thirty 0utia,os amongst us
seeking whomsoever they may devourl
Already there is premium of 81 90
per capita being offered on young
men-started at that aud behold the
end is not yeti Iappe'l to you as
valiant citizens to rise in arms if ne
cessary to protect your doors from
the saare of womanly treachery.
To colonize these rejected beauties
is a perfectly naturally procedure,
it is in keeping with the laws of
nature-therefore' of man. When
you go to gather your fruit, you do
not place the swiveled inferior onee
along side of those blushing with
freshness and beauty, lest ruin comes
to all.
Therefore / cay unless we place
this neglected fruit apart where it's
final decay cannot contaminate that
which is to us priceless, ruin must
inevitably follow.
My opponent may tell youto do this
would be to return to the barbarous
law of the survival of the fittest. but
indeed it would not, aud even if was
l am sure it would meet the approx
al of all, unless it be a few like this
gentleman who are standing on the
ground of the closing century. be.
holding the horrors of the realms of
''single blessedness"
Then to colonize them will make
them infinitely happier, for then no
objects OF strife will assail them,
and strife and contention amongst
US will be known no more.-
And even if internal warfare should
break out mans innocent blood
would not have to be split to satisfy
whimsical jealousies. Then too they
wonld have to don the armor of man
aud lay aside that death denling
weapon generally used in femi-
nlne warfare. 1 think now they