Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1897-03-29
JUST FOR FUN.

a cigarette holder? Get out! Fact,
believe it also had title or some
thing.
There are some girls sweet enough
to eat, which we presume they do re-
gularly three or four times day
The day before yesterday, announc-
es an Irish paper, Mr.. O'Flynn fell
from his horse and broke his neck,
SUSTAINED no other injury.
A woman is just as sure to hit her
finger when she drives nail as man
is to step on the soap when he gets
out of the bath tub.
Mrs. Wellment- fellow, have
you no friends?
Beggar (sobbingl-No Teddy; I
hain't got nuthin' but relatives.
Pedestrian (to footpad) Money or
my life, is it? Twas wondering how I
was going to live through this week.
Now won't have to. Very kind of
you. Shoot away.
Teacber-One of the inalienable
rights of Americans is free speech.
Do you know what that means?
Boy-Yes'm; freedom to say what
yeh like to any one you can lick.
An English country square who
wished to make an entry at an agri-
cultural exhibition, wrote thus to the
secretary: Please put me down on
your list of cattle for calf.
An Explanation-Miss Prude (while
out walking with her younger sister
thinks she is rudely treated)-Were
you staring at me, sir?
Strange Gentleman-Bless you, no,
madam. was admiring your little
grand daughter.
Papa, said young Mrs. Hunker,
won't you please give George and me
$4,000?
What do you want that much money
for?
We want to build $4,000 house.
Teacher-A nomad is person who
moves about great deal-never re-
mains long in one place. Johnny,
name some tribes of nomads. Johnny,
if you please, ma'am cooks and cham
bermaids.
Doesn't your husband procrastin-
ate, Mrs. Newly?
Oh, I don't think he is as bad as
that but he does have such an aggra-
waiting way of putting everything off.
Jack-Maud wants to know why
you shun her company now.
Toni-Well, the fact is I'm broke.
Jack-Pll tell her, and you need
not shun her any more.
Tom (brightening)-By Jovel Do
you think SO?
Jack-Yes She'll shun you.
Did 1 understand you to say that
you are unmarried, madam? asked
the lawyer, who was cross examining
Chicago woman.
do not know what you understood
me to say, replied the witness. But
| that is what said. have been un-
married four times.
1t must have been a very tender
hearted butcher who killed this lamb,
said the cheerful idiot, pausing in the
saving of his chop.
Why? kindly asked the shoe clerk
boarder
He must have hesitated three or
four years before striking the fatal
| blow.
How's yer wife? inquired one of the
IL
| ct.
She's perfectly we'll, seems like.
You don't seem pertickler pleased
about it?
Well, like her to enjoy herself.
AM she do seem to get lot of COM
fort out o. takin' medicine.
His Father-If you marry old S tubs
daughter, you shan't have cent of
my money.
The Son-But father, if I don't mar
ry her can't get cent of old Stubs
money.
His Father with grudge to satisfy
My own boy! Marry her and render
that old skinfint penniless!
Housewife Mrs. Gass says she dis
charged you because she frequently
caught you listening at the doors.
| Applicant-Well now, mum
Housewife-Well, I'll engage you
on one condition. You'll have to tell
me everything you have overheard at
! Mrs. Glass;
Many cases of GRIPPE have lately been
/ cured by One Minute Cough Cure. This prep
] aration seems eSpecially adapted to the