The morning times., 1897-01-04
A CANDID CAUSERIE.

being an imaginary conversation be-
| tween two persons of the softer sex at "a
| period when the conversational insincerities
| OF social Intercourse shall have been cast
| aside and the truth and nothing but the
truth be candidly and unabashedly spoken.
| Scene: In tie drawing room OF the vis-
| tied one; an unwelcome visitor is an
| nounced)
The Visitor How do you do? I don't
| in the least care how you are, but l sup
| pose / must make use Of the customary
| shibboeth.
| The Visited-I am sorry indeed to see
| you. 1t would be a perfect moCkery to
| hope you are well, for in my life never
saw anyone look quite so secdy as you
do at this moment Your complexion is
the color OF a mango, while the lines
round your eyes put me in mind uf Chap
| ham junction. And 20 absurdly over
| dressed Where did you buy that oily
'chromatic tdifiCe that Towns your latest
| wig? Blue, green, pink, orangc-and with
that skin! You look like u practical Joke.
The yisitor-I really had hoped today
to find you mot at home,'' otherwise I
| should never have been so foolish as to
call. | thought YOU always went 10 the
saturday Pops" What could have in
duced you to remain indoors? But it's Just
my luck.
The Visitcd-I have Slight cold, so sent
my stall to Lady Hauterive. | am perfectly
| aware YOU are dying TO know her, but can't,
aud that is why mention uer name.
The Visit or-How provoking! And
here, I suppose. ! must stick for the next
quarter OF Il hour.
The Visited Had I anticipated the in
Fiction Of a visit from you | should have
made a point Of going out.
The Visitor Il never come into y0nr
drawing room without being impressed by
a sense of your pitiable ignorance and want
of taste. You have contrived to crowd
together in this tiny room such a quantity
of pacotille of every description that L
always fancy I'm sitting in the midst of a
rummage sale You haven't got one really
good piece OF china in YOUR whole cOli"c-
ton. Your antique furniture is all mod
ern and the only lot that looks genuinely
old is-yourself. %
The visited-I know that YOU consider
yourself an authority on bric-a-brac, and
/ YOU have certainly conN crted your house
That, Of course, is easy enough when you
can afford to bid for Your things at Chris
ties. / can't. Ny husband is not rich
| speculator, like yours--only poor clerk
in the foreign office, so | am obliged To
pick up my odds and ends cheap, and 1
dare say ! am very often taken in. After
all, don't see how it benefits you to pos
sess all the artistic treasures YOU do.
when you can't get the right people TO
come and admire them
The Vistor-You always try to make
me feel uncomfortable with your solids
ant airs of social superiority, but l must
sit it out, l supI ose, now I'm in for it.
c The Visited-Why YOU ever ONE TO see
me | cannot imagine, considering that
SO seldom go near you.
I The EiSitor-I am thinking of writing
and asking you to dinner You would be
L sure to make yourself diSa ereeablc, but
should get sort of reflected fashion from
2 your presence and your name sounds well.
? l suppose you wouldn't come; YOU have
refused me six times running.
The Visited-And so shall do so again.
, L dine1 with you once-that was quite
sufficient. l don't mind coming to yOul
/ concerts, for there I can hear the best
singers for nothing and am not obliged to
S speak to any one.
, The Visitor-But I've lately moved into
/ one of the largest houses in one of the
G ;jest squares: I've powdered my fOotmen
and my chef is first rate.
l The Visi. .d-Which is more than your
: friends are. / positively decline to meet
, them. What's the good of a chef to YOU
1 Nobody worth knowing ever dimes witt
S you; your sauces, l consider, are absolutely
: thrown away. 1t is not your fault,
must admit. You have tried to cook your
4 self into society, and signally failed.
g You're rot quite rich enough-it wants {
: thousand years to do it nowadays.
: hexisitor-Your impertinencc S really
S impayahle l speak French perfectly, while
Y you hardly know one word; that is why
interlard my conversation with it, in order
: to prove my educational advantages owe
u yours. How truly unfortunate | was t.
t find you at home! I merely wanted t.
2. poke in card in order to show my new
S coaChman-who lived with the PatgnuiaI
minister-that my visiting list is not eXclu
e sively confined to stock brokers' and artists
d The Visited-Shall l give you anothel
o cup OF tea?
,r They isitor-Onno account: never ia stet
It such nasty wash in my life. 1t has ma Ok
d me ieei perfectly ILL., Cncdp, sUppose
st The Visited-Very, but quite goot
g enough for visitors like you. When
am alone, or with one or two intlmat
=, friends, ! drink much better tea. l shal
10 have some OF it made directly l get ri'
e OF you.
g The visitor-Now, what on earth al
e 1 to say to you next? The only topic W,
'e havei n comm onis music but musical peopl:
IS are proverbially lacking in general inter
r est anu intelligence, and you are no eX
n ception. Therefore, cannot discuss witt
;e YOU scierce literature. Or art-all of whcl
s. subjects l have at my fingers ends, 70
n am very well-read and well-informet
III woman. findit helps me on wonderfully J
,r s'People" again are tattoo, for you won
W know my friends, and don't know yours
le although I would willingly give you on
le of my diamond stars if you would onl
IN invite me to some of your smart partis
and give me a chance for meeting wha