The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1897-08-07
BURDETTE AND THE WHEEL
He Denies That He Is Dead and Re.
lates Some Experiences,

card was published from MIR. H. H,
Davis, editor of the Pulaski indie
pendent, inquiring the foundation for
the reported death of Mr.. Robert j.
burdette. AS the Hawk-Eye had re-
ceived a similar inquiry from else
where, it published its own denial of
the story, and forwarded a cop of the
articie with a letter to Mr.. Burdette.
The following reply in Mr.. Burdette's
own happy vein, explains ALL" and is
ample refutation of the rumor that he
had shuff1ed off his mortal coil. His
answer reminds us of the recent reply
made by Mark Twain to a similar in
quiry concerning himself; he said:
MY reported death has been greatly
exaggerated"
"Bryn Mawr, Pa, June Il, 1S97.-My
Dear Waite: Like the true friend and
loyal comrade you ever were, you do
right to protest against my burial
prior to the autopsy.
81 am indeed very much alive. Not
only so, / haven't been dead even a little
bit. Not once. Could nave been, had
l wanted to be. Could be yet. But 1
don't want. Maybe l ought to be, even
now. But, as we make weekly confess
sion-"we have left undone those things
which we ought to nave done"
Possibly the that l have gone
dead grew out of the fact that 1 have
learned to ride a bicycle. l say, have
learned Not am learning Learned
in one lesson. All by myself.
Went out in the moonlight last Fri
day night to learn, having first locked
my family in the house and forbade
them to look out of the windows. Led
my bicycle out on the turnpike-the
Bryn Mawr pixies are broader than the
way of destruction, twice as smooth
and much cleaner. It's a young bicycle
"A colt, foaled in 81. Would give the
name but for the fact that l had to pay
for the wheel. Will only say. there
fore, in accordance with the ethics of
our profession, that it is not the wheel
anybody says it is.
Il held him by the withers right in
the middle of the road and mounted
without assistance.
81 dismounted in the same independ-
emit name
Got on again and proceeded to break
him to saddle.
did l ride the first time?
well, say!
"People had told me-liars of all ages
and both sexes-that I couldn't fall if,
when l felt that 1 was falling, 1 would
stick out my foot.
81 stuck out both feet and both hands,
and fell on my head.
81 fell on one side of that diabolical
wheel and then on the other; l fell on
both sides at once; l fell on top of it
and underneath it, and | made dog
falls with it. l fell between the
wheels. 1 fell behind the hind wheel
and before the front one at the same
time. and don't know yet how 1 did it.
/ fell and thrust both legs through the
spokes of one wheel. | met a terrified
man in 4 buggy and drove him clear
of the pike through Wheeler's hedge,
and l don't think he has come back yet.
Every time l fell i slapped the palms
of my raw, swollen, throbbing hands
on the hard 'inelastic' pike, except the
time 1 fell on my head. 1 fell harder
and with greater variety of landing
than any man could fall upless ne
dropped out of a balloon and lit in a
load of furniture. l lost my confidence,
my patience, my temper, my clamps,
lamp, bell and reputation. l broke one
pedal, the saddle and the ordinance
against loud, boisterous and abusive
10 m \ ra Of nfnhf ran into ovorE-
thing in sight except the middle of the
road. l sat down OF everything in the
township except the saddle. Iscorched
in a circuit not Is feet in circumference
until you could smell birthstone. I
made more revolutions than a South
American republic, and didn't get ten
feet away from where I started. l
haven't been so mauled and abraded, so
thumped and beaten, so traapled upon
and pounded, so bruised and scratched,
since 1 left the army. But ] can ride.
81 don't say hat 1 do But l can
do 1 consider hiking good for the
health?
For the health of some people, 1 do,
1 don't see how a physician can bring
up his family unless his children have
to eat.
But in my own case, l reserve my
decision. l will wait until I know
whether 1 am going to die or get well.
And do you tell Brother Davis to keep
obituary on the standing galley
until he hears from Slug Miner Idon't
I've got 80 yet, although friends
who have called to see m break down
when they say 'good-by' and walk out
of the room on tip-toe. But l wouldn't
mind that if I knew what became of my
shoulder blades the time / a under
the hay wagon. Cheerfully yours, Rob-
ert J. Observation-Disclosures Ia.)
Grandmother's Currant Bread.
D-ool, +uyo yoaSf oa los into one mint