The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-16


''HoUsE BE H~A-HANGED, wo-wo-MAN! I'm
DR-DROwNEDv'
passed through. Instead of a waiting
wife and dinner, a carpetless floor, soft
soap puddles and the furniture stacked
in pyramids greeted him.
HAS there been a fre?" he meekly
inquired of the servant as he deposited
his parcels in the coal ~scuttle, which
had been converted into a corner orna-
ment for the mantelpiece.
"No, SIR" replied the usually neat
girl, who appeared to be in an awful
state of rags and soapsuds.
"Visited by an earthquake?" he calm
ly asked, lifting a bar of soap, a lot of
bread and a wet dishcloth off the crown
of his best silk hat and smoothing it on
his coat sleeve.
"Sure the missus is house cleaning,
sur" observed the help, waving a drip
ping s~crubbing brush madly to and fro
on the door.
The wife of his bosom entered at that
moment disguised with a patch Of stove
black on her fair cheek, her nose fiery
red from the cold, a pillowcase worn
as a turban, a badly torn dress festooned
about her and her feet incased in a pair
of Wadso's arctic overshoes.
"Good gracious, Maria, what's the
natter" he exclaimed, glancing from
his badly damaged hat to his disreputa-
BILE looking matrimonial partner.
why, I'm spring house cleaning and
have got all the carpets up and out in
the back yard for you to beat this even
ing, she replied in an exultant voice,
"and I'm SO glad you're back to help
Annie and me o the stove"
Don't You think, love-" he said
gloomily, "it would be better to hire a
man to come i'll the morning and beat
them? p
Nonsense! l won't have a strange
man here. You can just az well shake
them as not" she interrupted, briskly
brushing his SIS sealskin gloves off the
top of the sewing machine into a soft
soap puddle.
when will dinner be ready?" he
aShCo uCEBDlluCLlly aS NV LI5SuCh ilS
gauntlets and wiped them dry with his
pocket handkerchief.
ooh, | had to let the fire out to black
the range. If you're hungry, I'll get
you something to eat" she replied,
leading the way into the kitchen,
where, after fishing up an ironing blan,
ket, the family cat, a sun bonnet and
some clothespins out of the wash boiler,
a week old mutton bone and some cold
buckwheat cakes were discovered, the
table spread on the corner of the man.
telpiece and dinner announced as ready.
Wadso groaned in spirit at the very
sight of the unsavory viands, and his
appetite vanished like a boy 8 kite when
the string breaks.
"Now, if you're through, let's move
the stove" said Mrs. W.. after allowing
him II seconds to worry the mutton
bone in.
Wadso rolled up his sleeves, mounted
the kitchen table and gave a wrench al
the pipe hard enough to haul an anchor
out of the mud. The next moment the
table had turned a back ~somersault, he
had peeled the skin off his shins and
knuckles by falling over the stove, and
his wife was stamping around with
tears in her eyes and about a peck Of
SCOT poured over her face.
"There! knew you'd do it!' scream
ed Mrs. W., looking as if she was black.
ed for a negro minstrel performance.
Wadso made no reply, his attention
being divided just then between hi
lacerated shins and a broken window
through which he had driven the end Of
that Internal stovepipe.
"You did it on purpose, ] believe
sobbed his sooty wife, wiping her face
with her petticoat.
Wadso said nothing, but tugged away
at the pipe, and, after knocking down
bird cage, upsetting a glass lamp, ruin
ing his clothes and nearly jamming thu
eye out of Annie, who was passing, sue
ceedei in getting into his garden. HI
did not return just then, but spent TIN
next two hours thrashing dirty carpet
with a broom handle, choking ant
binding himself with dust, raisin,
blisters on his hands, bumps on hi
bead and such a quantity of ~profanit,
fins on his conscience that bottles o
liniment and weeks of piety will scarce
ly effect a cure. When he did go in, j
was with the face of a chimney sweep
muscles aching, hands smarting, shin
oaining, eyes watering and tempe
,n1red TO such an extent that even tn
seductive charms of the cold muttol
ocHe dished up again for his suppe
failed entirely to restore him to goot
humor.
Mrs. W. reti,ed early, worn out witt
the duties of the day, and Wadso, hav
ing added up his grocer's and butcher
, books washed himself at the kitchen
! sink with yellow soap, locked mp tn
house, eztinguished the gas and wen
sadly, sorely and ~hungrily to bed.
r Curse iti'' he exclaimed as he fel
! ! over the rocking chair on entering tn
pitch dark room and was kicked in tn
e ear with the rocker. "Oh, heavens
e what a noise you're m~aking!" screame
: 2 his wife from the bed. "Why in thur
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