The Topeka state journal., 1897-08-25
FAME AMID BEER KEGS.
Eugene Wares "Cold Beer"
Speech Now Sent Out
With Every Case of Beer That
Comes Into Kansas.
Just as Tracts Are Sent TO the Heath
en- by Missionary Societies


have found in the cases neatly printed
pamphlets containing the speech deliv-
cred by Eugene F. Ware at the Topeka
Commercial club banquet at the Throop
hotel last May.
One man who found one of the copies
said: st should think that Mr.. Ware
would feel rather ashamed when he
knows to what use his speech is being
put He surely did not contemplate
such a contingency when he delivered
it."
1t is presumed that the speech is be-
ing sent out with the brewery products
all over Kansas for the purpose of con-
troverting the prohibition argument.
When the address was made 1t crea-
ted sensation. 1t was satirical treat
ment of the law under which Kansas
handles the liquor question and was
commended or criticised as the hearers
were in favor of or against the law.
Following are some of the startling
things said by Mr.. Ware and rescued
from it's place on top of the beer bot
ties:
tie city of 10000 including the SUBURBS;
a splendid class of inhabitants; the
brightest lot of women on earth, and no
saloons. BY appropriate constitutional
methods we have been deprived OF any
impulse to drink anything stronger
than hydrant water, as may be seen py
the banquet table before us, and we
have taken the legislative keeley cure
TO- vice and crime. We have now be-
come by statutory enactment the nigh
est and most perfect type of moral peo-
pie on earth, and we are living here in
that untnistakabIe bliss that Buddha
speaks of and are being absorbed into
the tranScendental by continual con-
temptation of our own goodness and ex-
cellence.
1.-The prohibition law prohibits. There
is nothing to prevent it. We are all for
it, 1t is our creed. Spirituous liquors
are of the past. They are a rancid rem
iniscence We do not keep them in our
| houses. To this picture there are no
| colors that are not bright, no recolIec-
tions that are not happy, except one,
and that is, that in a financial sense, in
| an earthly and grovelling sense, in
| low, baSso prOfundO sense, We're hard
| up Our rate of taxation is four and
| half per cent. Under it manufactures
| 1anguish, and without manufacturers
| Topeka cannot grow, and more bonds
are being issued.
| I'VE gained last year 800 population,
but there were 500 births over and
| above deaths. We have the infants
here, our schools are crowded, but adults
| 'tOf course Heaven and cash have no
| absolute or even recognized relation
| ship, and the rapturous contemplation
| of our beatitudeS is rarely marred by
| thoughts of money. But still how can
| there be golden harps without gold, and
| we must think of the gold when we
/ ln1Dk OIL the daEp-lIAG 11cLp tIidl Jul
| spiritual perfection in a. municipal way
| entities us in the near future to play.
| ST take the position that prohibition is
! gigantic success: that the joint and
| the bootlegger in Topeka are myths like
| Perseus and the Gorgon. That by many
| years of prohibition the diaboical and
| been absolutely paralyzed; and that
| hypodermic injections of statutory law
| have brought the people of Topeka to
| the moral climax which / have so ac-
1 IfaTTr fe1N RI lnT0fn Tld
| that any person might as we'll start IN
| Topeka now to sell whales, as cold beer.
! Neither would fill a long felt want,
| because a mild solution of Abilene and
| Manhattan as it glides gently down the
| Kaw is good enough for US.
| ''And I admit that any man who will
| sell cold beer has a black moral char
! acter and that there is nothing white
| about him except his liver. Also that
| cold beer is indigestible and bears in its
train a long list of diseases with latin
| names that are quite difficult to re-
| member.
TT will be seen from the foregoing
| that your orator is on the top shelf, of
| the highest moral plane, of the most
| advanced thought, of this progressive
state. And he is keeping up with the
| procession without reference to the
| safety of his intellectual bicycle.
| ''I will, personally-not in a represen-
| tative capacity, but rsonally-consent
to admit ten thousand people, with a
| million dollars, to come and settle in
| Topeka, and, if they will bring cash,
| they can have all the cold beer they
| want. We don't want any of it, and
| won't pay for it, but they can have il
if they will pay for it themselves. The
reason for my consent is, these peo-
| pie
'Win build up the town;
| 'FWil build up manufactures;
| 'sWi1 help us pay our debts;
'fWill help our reputation abroad;
"WiH help build up schools and COL
| 1egeS, just as a brewer, out of brewery
| money, built VaSsar college.
"And we on account of our habits of
temperance and sobriety will sequester
I'm addition to this, they viii have a
benefit all their own, viz, association
/ with us.
They will see with a clairvoyant eye
what statutory morality can do. They
will gaze upon us as something that is
fascinating and altogether holy. We
viii be great benefit to them. Their
minds will be legislatively illuminated,
| and in us they can see what can be ac-
| complished by and for the race. Their
soul-destroying proclivity for frigid
| also leave them, and in the end they
| will be in such condition that they can
not go through the door of a saloon,
morally; yet at the same time they can
| go financially through the eye of nee
| dIe-whipsawed as it were.
1T would seem to be the very high
| est method of doing missionary work 10
| have the heather come and bring their
cash and learn from us. 1t increases
the price of Kansas real estate, and
| yet makes the heather pay their own
| travelling expenses, and it shows them
| how the state senate (the house con-
curring) can jack up a commonwealth
in few hours to a high moral and So
| cial altitude.
But we must not dwell too intently
upon the missionary feature. The
mammon of unrighteousness cuts
| somewhat of a figure. We want no
| people without cash. It's cold cash as
/ | well as cold beer. No cash, no beer.
The question has its financial as well as
it's bibulous side. No finance no bib