The record-union., 1897-09-26

LOilAhih~ CSs LIE 11ISQ lie 5lClQ Qe%y
|-Up-to-D Date.
WAS the count embarrassed when he
proposed to you?"
Certainly -fnancially."-New York
Journal
Jack-oh, I suppose she has her
faultsl
Toni thought you were in love with
her?-Puck.
Mr.. Gummey-Is she a new woman?
Mr.. Glanders-Not too new. About
the vintage of 80, should say.-Louis-
vile Courier-Journa.
Willie Wimples-Win you love me
when I'm gone?
Daisy Dimples-Yes, indeed-if you'll
go now.-Town Topics.
"Penjab has written a poem called
The Idiots joy"
What's it about-scorching or court
ng?"-Chicago Record.
Eastern Boy-Did you ever play foot
ball?
Western Boy (watching the game)-
NO; but l once got caught in a drove
of fstampeded mules-New York Weekly.
Jack-How is your sister getting on
with her singing lessons?
Cissie-Well, papa has taken the wad-
ding out of his ears for the first time
o-day.-Tit- Bits.
Barling-So you are again in single
blessedness, old man?
BlXby fervently)-In. blessed single
ness, old man-in blessed singleness.-
New York World
The railways can aid prosperity i'm
mensely"
In what particular way?"
Well, many citizens. you know, can
benefit town by leaving it"-Detroit
Free Press.
Wallace hear that you got sepa-
rated from your money while you were
at the seashore.
Hargraves-Separated! 1t was an
absolute divorce-Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
rs that your wife on a bicycle"
TT is
Il thought you said that you would
never permit her to ride one?"
/ don't permit it, but what difference
do you suppose that makes to her?''-
Chicago Post
Bellows-Does your daughter play on
the piano?
Old Farmer Gn tones of deep disgusO
No, sir. She works on it, pounds on
1t, scrapes it, jumps on it, ana rolls over
on it, but there's no play about it, sir
Harlem Life
Tom-Why do you thinl; your
chances for becoming President of the
United States are good?
Jack-I was born in a log cabin.
He arrived home at 3 a. m. and told
his wife that he had been sitting up
with a sick friend.
DO You expect me to believe that?"
she inquired
DO you think I would tell you a bare
faced lie?" he asked. with all injured
air.
is so old it has whiskers. New York
World.
Higsby-There goes my coal and ice
man. There's an athlete for you.
Jigsby-The deuce you say! What's
his line?
Higsby-He's lightweight cham
piOn-New York World
Il discovered a gold mine" said the
forty miner.
Il invented torpedo boat" replied
the genius
Then they shook hands like brothers
and pooled their capital to buy cheap
dinner.-Detroit Free Press.
'Wadsleigh says he never makes mis-
takes"
Hmm! That's one of 'em."-Chi-
cago Journal.
John doesn't my bathing suit electri-
fy you?"
Yes: shocks me. in fact."-New
York Herald.
Old Moneybags-Marry me. I cannot
live without you
Miss UDtosnuff-that's just the rubi
I'd marry you in minute if you couldn't
live with me!-Town Topics.
She-What do you think of my por-
trait?
He-Sincerely, it is not beautiful-but
the likeness Is erfecti-Tit-Bits.
Kitty-Miss Antique has searched in
vain for employment.
Jack-I would think she could Sc
cure place in a secondhand book
store.
Kitty-Why?
Jack-She's a back number.-Up-to to-
Date.
Kilduf-I hear that Tenspot is cul-
tivating his garden religiously this year.
Mullins-The report is wrong. 1
| heard him swear while wedding the
other day.-New York World
Il don't see how Lodger can find time
for so many secret societies."
We'll. what I don't understand is
how he finds time for his business
Chicago Journal.
Prosperity. they say, is just ahead
of us
rs that so? Well, I've been chasing
it so hard I'm afraid that I've run past
it t"-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Really Mr.. Jones. I must say YOU