New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-04-14
Tales of Hunnor.

An epitaph, as curious in its way as
any of the quaint gravestone inscriptions
that have been recorded, is on tomb
stone in the cemetery of a suburb of Par
| is. The husband died first and beneath
the record of his name was placed, at
| his request, the line: II am anxiously
waiting for YOU" T..
When the widow died, forty years at.
ter, the following brief sentence COM
pleted the inscription: "Here I am"
Here isa rather interesting colloquv,
reported by the Washington Star:
MANDY" said Farmer Corntossel, Il
see in the paper that our new congress-
man has the confidence of the executive
department."
EYES," was the reply. @We've been
terrible lucky that way. Everyone we
sent to Washington had that printed a.
bout him purity soon."
Seems to me, though, that lie don't
do much talkin' in public. I don't hear
his voice a-ringin' out like it ulster on
the questions of the day."
sNever mind, Hiram. It's probably
all right. I reckon he's so clus to the
president that he jes' has ter Whisper"
At the Authors Club dinner to Rich
ard Henry stoddard in New York the
other night, Judge Holland told story
at Mr.. Stoddard's expense, which Illus
trates one of the poets weaknesses. Stod-
dard was opening can of tomatoes one
night, he said, and the SCUM Is that came
from the kitchen convinced Mrs. Stod-
dard that her husband was not accom-
plishing his task without struggle.
Finally she called to him:
"What are you doing, dear?"
"Open1ng this can of tomatoes" came
the rather gruff answer.
"What are you opening it with?''
"With knife. Did you think I was
using my teeth?"
"Not at all, dear; I thought from your
language you were opening it with pray
er."-Bostop Herald.
One may be excused for feeling lit
tie JOY when the man, who goes out of
his way to make rude remark in order
10 show his wit, receives a rebuke that
is as courteous as it is effective. The re-
tort given By certain learned scientist
must have been more amusing to the
onlookers than to the learned gentle
mans antagonist. 1t happened at din
ner that one of the guests began to de-
ride philosophy and went on rudely to
express the opinion that "philosopher''
was but another way of spelling STOOL"
"What is your opinion, professor2" he
asked. sis there much distance between
them?"
The professor, with polite bow to
his boorish WIS., avis, responded gravely
"Sometimes only the width of table,
Youths Companion.
Archbishop Whately had rough
tongue - fact unknown to young
aide-de. camp, who at party in Dublin
Castle attempted to cross swords with
the prelate. Approaching the Primate
of Ireland, the youth asked: "Does your
grace know what is the difference be.
tween an ass and an archbishop"
"No," was the grave answer,
Then the youth went Oh: Gan ass has
a cross on his back, but an archbishop
has cross on his breast"
"Very good" said the prelate. ''Now
will you tell me what IS the difference
between young aide-de- camp, like
yourself, and an ass?'
81 don't KNOW" said the youth.
"Neither do IT, said the archbishop
and walked away.
In the North, street cars have gone
far to make American gallantry one OF
the things of The past: "Circe," said the
lecturer, Gas you no doubt remember,
turned men into hogs"
81 wonder if she did it by starting a
street car line ~ unused the woman who
had hung to 4 strap all the way to the
hall.-Clncinnati Inquirer.
Boston Budget: A strange story is
related of a juryman who outwitted a
Judge, and that without lying. He ran
into court in desperate hurry and quite
out of breath, and exclaimed: