Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-11

On one occasion the late Johr
StetsOn went to New York. Atthat
time the l. roads did not run on Sun
day. Stetson took walk with Jack
Havcrly on this day, and was dis.
gruntled because he could not take q
aide on the road. Happening to see
the letters NJ. f.. II. r." which
stood for Metropolitan Elevated r.
H., Haverly asked John what they
meant. " Blessed if | know" re-
piled John Methodist Episcopal
X. r., | reckon"
THE following has been going the
rounds Of the press for some time,
and of course all tho boys ought to
know it: " An electric corset has
just been patented. tits constructed
In such manner that when q fellow
slips his arm around girls waist he
touches Il button, this loosens a string
in tho corset, throws sawdust i'm his
hair and kicks him out of doors,
where an India rubber bulldog stands
ready to scare him into fits"
TIE VIEW OF LIFE.-Thc man
who was standing on the ledge of a
tourteenth-StOry window and wash
ing the outside of the plate glass
panSed in his work moment and
looked inside at the pale-faced men
sitting at the various desks i'm the
room. Poor dPvils," he said to
himself. "Some men will do most
anything for a livingw And he
whistled tune and went on wash
ing the window.
DOESN'T it strike you, Dolphy,
DEAR" and the gushing girl gazed
dreamily toward the western hori-
Zon, "that there is more poetry in
the slowly setting sun than in any
other object in the universe?" "I
don't know SO much about that -
mused the mild-eyed Minstrel of
Many Reflections. "I reckon the
waste basket runs it pretty close ~
"GoOD morning, Doctor, anything
startling to report in your line this
morning ."
Yes, indeed. The most remark
able recovery in my whole expert
ence."
Don't say! What is ?"
81 recovered an umbrella loaned
to one of my patients yesterday"
JONEs-Great guns! ! You're get
ting deaf, old man.
Smith-I'm not. | could never
hear better in my life.
Jones (prOducing watch)-Can
you hear that watch tick?
Smith (triumphantly)-Distinctly.
Jones-That's queer. The watch
isn't running.
FIRST NEIGHBOR-Pll have you
arrested if that dog of yours attacks
me again. You know as we'll as |
do that there is law in this town
against dogs running at large.
Second Neighbour Right you are,
old man, but there ain't any law
against dogs running at Small.
YES, my dear, Pm gay bache-
lor," said a masked man to masked
lady at a masquerade party the other
evening. He felt queer when she
said to him in low voice:
Don't be silly, John, l know
you by that wart on your thumb"
1t was his wife.
What is the charge against
this man, officer?
Officer - Creating a disturbance,
your Honor.
Judge-Was it much of disturb
ance?
Otficer-Indeed it was, sir. 1t
woke me up.
manuscript, sir, is eXhorbitant," said
the publisher.
EXhorbitant ?' repeated the
careworn author, disdainfully.--
Why, man, I've been paying post
age on that story for the last twenty
years."
DIFFERENCE WAS FELT.-" 1t was
so dark in the parlor when young
DR.. Plummer came in that l didn't
notice he had shaved off his mus
tache."
Didn't you? | felt the differ
ence while you were getting a light"
MRS. PRY--SO you are married
again, are you? Don't you think
three months rather brief interval
of mourning?
Mrs. Fly-Yes; but you see my
grief was so great that had to get
some one to share it with me.
| --------< .-S---
ARTIST flatter myself that this
last picture Of mine is an excellent
one.
Another Artist-My dear fellow,
you don't fiatter yourself half as
much as you tlatter the picture.
"THAT young Goldplate is so fas.
cinating," declaredLaura. " He's 8
man after my own heart"
"He told me last night that hi
was after mine." replied Dorothy
with downcast eyes.
SALVATION ARMY MAID--Ex.
cuSe me, sir but won't you buy 6
WAR Cry?'
} Benedict-No need of it, Miss
} That's the very first thing TIl heal
| Il n l.