The Topeka state journal., 1897-11-22
AN EXPERIMENT.

John Jones was telling his wife-taey
had not been married very long, by the
/ way-about a man who came home one
! night so drunk that he had to lie down
! on the floor while his wife pulled his
| shoes off for him. He also mentioned the
fact that this mans wife did not seem to
take her husband s condition to heart very
| badly, but made rather joke of it and
| twitted him in the morning quite good
| humoredly.
"Such a spirit, remarked Jones,
"strikes me as being very creditable to a
| woman. 1t isn't every mans wife who
| regards an occasional lapse so leniently
Now, as you know, am not drinking
man, but if 1 should get drunk one of
| these nights say if Ishould-how would
! you take it?' And he watched her face
carefully as he asked the question.
Mrs. Jones laughed heartily The idea
seemed to .amuse her very much, but she
| Strengthened out her features and assumed
a shocked expression. . should be dis
gusted, John, - she said, perfectly dis
gusted. Why, I shudder at the mere idea
of your being intoxicated. You would
lose my respect, John, right away, and
whatever you do you must never forfeit
thati No, John, dear, could never stand
your being drunkl'
John listened with great attention to
this reply, and he came to the conclusion
that she didn t mean word of it, He had
detected in the tone Of her voice what he
stamped in his mind as false note. Jones
was something of a reader of character
and in his own quiet way he had been
studying the various phases of his wife's
disposition ever since they had been mar
ried, two years ago.
He therefore determined to see precisely
how she would conduct herself if he did
come home drunk one night, or, rather,
if she thought him drunk, for he decided
to simulate the condition in order to make
his observations.
Dear me, - murmuTed Mrs. Jones, one
night or early morning, about a week
after their conversation already noted, 81
wonder where John can bel He's never
been SO late before out playing poker. I
feel quite anxious
The hour was 2 a. m, and Mrs. Jones
was seated in a chair with book in her
hand, which she was not reading.
Suddenly she heard the rattle of key
in the lock of the outer door of the fiat,
and in few moments her ears noted the
sound of something stumbling along the
hall. She grew pale and stood up. The
parlor door was opened with considerable
violence, and she saw-well, she could
scarcely believe her eyes at first. Was this
her husband? The spectacle in the open
doorway was that of a man with battered
hat, torn coat and trousers splashed with
wet mud His clothes simply reelIed with
whisky. He gazed at her with blinking
eyes, and his mouth tre1nbled, and leered at
her. His eyeglasses were fastened on to
his right ear.
'f 'Loi''
"Oh, JohnP' was all she could say.
Z" 'Lo, NJ ria, d" he repeated. q 'Lol Wash
mar? Wynn jer come n gimme kiss,
hey?'' Then he chuckled. "Hey?'' he said
again in a loud and fierce tone of voice.
'Oh, John, " she said, approaching him
with reluctance, "come into the room, for
goodness sake, and close the door. The
people in the flat above win hear you.'
"D'n' care f they dol" he replied, still
hanging on to the knob and swaying about
unsteadily. "Who cares? Ha, ha, hal Who
cares? Devil bit!'
She closed the door, and he Immediately
slipped to the floor with a thunp. She
surveyed him as he lay there with an ex-
preston on her face that had never been
there before. And then she wondered what
was to be done AS she wondered, he
made two or three spasmodic movements
as though trying to rise, but he fell back
each time. Finally he kissed his hand to
her in maudlin fashion, hitting himself
in the eye.
"Pull off bootsI'' he commanded.
She turned away with a glance of aver
sion.
Pull off boots!'' he repeated, banging
his heels on the carpet. She hesitated for
did you get your clothes all over mud that
way?'' she asked him.
Huh? Oh, fell n street-thash how
he replied ''Ole shut, wash odds any
way?''
AS matter of fact, it really was an old
suit and he had insisted earlier in the
evening on wearing it to the poker game,
somewhat to her surprise. She remem-
bered it as he spoke.
Come, John, she then said. ''Try and
get up. See if you can take hold of my
arm. III take care of you, dear. Come.
There's a good boyl" Her tone was quite
affectionate.
1t seemed to have some effect on him,
for he rose without as much difficulty as
might have been expected, though he lean
ed on her heavily. She led him out to the
bathroom. Get in the bath, now, dear, -
she said sweetIy.
''Ge'n wot?" he exclaimed.
''The bathtub," 3" he repeated.
but er gOmme cloze on, " he objected,
looking at her.
''Oh, no, you haven't, John, - she told
him. "You think you have, but you
haven't. Now get in, like good boy"
Her argument seemed unanswerable to
him, so he laughed foolishly and slowly
climbed into the tub, though in a hesitat-
ing kind of way too. He was no sooner
in than she grabbed his head, pushed it
under the tap and turned on the cold
water at full force. 1t took him so much
by surprise that he was at first motionless
but he soon commenced to struggle vio-
lently. In vain. She held his head with
both of her hands, saying:
Its an old suit of clothes, you know,
John. You would wear them and it won't
do them a bit of harm-nor you, either,
DEAR
At this he gave a superhuman effort and
stood up straight in the bathtub.
Here herel" he yelled. what the
devil does this mean?" His enunciation
was very clear indeed
Mrs Maria Jones lauEhad verz haartilr