Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-09-18
DOOLEY on THE TRIAL.
He Would Have Dealt Decisively With
LuetScrt.

He Would Have Dealt DccisiveIy With
Luetscrt.
From the Chicago Post.
"Annythng Hew?' said Mr.. Hennessy,
who had been waiting patiently for Mr..
Dooley to put down his newspaper.
i've been r-readin' tn testimony Nv tn
Lootgert case" said Mr.. Dooley.
What dye think iv it?'
81 think so"-said Mr. Dooley.
Think what?
How do 1 know" said Mr. Dooley
How do l know what l think? I'm no
combination " chemist, doctor, osteolo-
gist. polsman an sausag e-maker that
can give We an opinion right off tn bat. A
man needs to be all iv thin things to de-
tarmine anything about a rnurdher trile
Nv these days. This shows how intelligent
our methods is, as Dorsey says. A large
German man is charged with putin his
wife away into a breakfas dish an he
says he didn't do it. TIL on'y question thin
is: Did or did not Alphonse Lootgert stick
Mrs L. into val an rayjooce her to
quick lunch? Am right?'
"Ye ar-re." said Mr.. Hennessy.
That's simple enough. What tn conrt
ought to we done was 10 call him up an
say: Lootgert, where's ye'er good woman?
If Lootgert cuddent tell lie ought to be
hanged on gen'ral principles, FIR a man
must keep his wife around tn house, an
wiiin she isn't there il shows he's poor
provider But if Lootgert says, I don't
know where me wife is the coort shd say,
Go out an find her. If we, can't Drojooce
her in week I'll fix ye An let tina, he
tn ind iv it.
But what do they do? They get Loot
CERT into coort and stand him UP befure
a gang " young raporthers an the likes
iv thin to make pitchers iv him. Thin
they summon a jury composed iy poor
ST1a n toll a,o'
clerks. Thin they call III a professor Fl m
a coiledge. Professor says tn lawyer FIR
tn state, 1 put it to ye, If a wooden vat
$50 feet long, twenty-eight feet deep an
sivinty-five feet WIDE an If three hundred
pounds iv caustic soda boiled, an if the leg
" a guinea pig an yousaid yesterday
about bicarbonate iv soda. an if it washes
UP an washes over an the Shiny slippery
stuff, an if a false tooth or lock Nv hair
or jawbone or a golf ball across the cell
lar eleven feet nine inches-that is two
inches this way an five gallons that? L
agree with We entirely says the professor
1 made labratory experiments in an i'm
basin with bicoloride Nv goold, which 1 will
call soup stock, an coal tar, which l will
call ir'n filings. / mixed tn two over hot
fire an left in a cool place to harden I
thin packed it in Ice, which will call glue
an rock salt, which 1 will call fried eggs
an obtained a dark, queer solution that is
a cure f'r freckles. which 1 will call anti-
many or doughnuts or anything 1 blamed
please
But says tn lawyer FIR tn state.
measuring tn vat with gas-an' I lave If
to We whether this is not tn on'y fair test
an supposinS that two feet acrost is
akei to tin feet sideways. an supposing
that thick green an hard substance. an
l daresay it wud, an supposing you may
takin' into account tn measurements
twelve be eight, tn vat bein wound with
Irvine six inches firm tn handle and a rub
OF tn green, thin ARE not human teeth
often found in country sausage? In tn
winter, says tn professor. But tn sisy-
mold bone Is sometimes seen in tn foot.
sometimes worn as a watch charm I took
two sisymoid bones which 1 will call poker
dice, an shook thin together In a cyclin-
ctr. which l viii call F'ido, poored in a can
OF milk. which will call gum arabic took
two pounds iv rough-on-rats, which / raw
fuse to call, but tn raysult is tn same
Question be tn coort: Different An
swer: 'Yis.' Tn coort: TIL same?' BE
Misther McEwen: Whose bones? Answer:
'Yis.' Be Misther Vincent: Will We 20 to
tn divVle? Answer: 1t dissolves tn hair
Now, what want to know is where tn
jury gets off? What has that COLLECTION iy
pure minded pathrites to larn firm this
here polite discussion where no wan is so
crooi as to ask what annywan else means?
Thank tn Lord. whin tn case is all over
tn jury'll pitch tn testimony out Nv tn
window an consider three questions: Did
Lootgert look as though he'd kill his wife?
Did his wife look as though she ought to
be kilt? Isn't 1t time we whit to supper?'
An, howiver they answer. they'll be right.
an it'll make little difference wan way
or tn other. TIL German vote is too large
an ignorant anyhow"