Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-09-04
THE BOARDING HOUSE
Types Of Character Always to Be
Met at Table.
THE EQUATORIAL MAN AND OTHERS
Personal Mysteries That Battle the
Busiest Gossip.
F Z N A LII TIL TIM

| Written fer The Evening Star.
| If the famous traveller who declared the
| Swiss pension the most characteristic OF
all institutions of public entertainment In
| the world had ever partaken of the hos.
| pitality of a Washin gton boarding house he
| might perhaps have revised his Judgment
| Collectively the Swiss pension is a sufii.
| GENTLY odd establishment, If one is af1iuen,
and good natured enough to complaisantly
| endure imposition that attafns the gro
| tesque. But Swiss pensions are all alike
But-myriad as their name is-are any
| two Washington boarding houses alike?
| For all this. is not any single Washington
boarding house absolutely unlike the board
ing houses Of any other city, town or ham,
| let the globe?
All Kinds.
| 1t is the cosmopolitanism of the Wash
iHgton boarding houses room holders that
makes 1t characteristic. The institution it.
self is typical only of Washington. In
the old days. Washington boarding houses
were the hives Of statesmen; even now.
many of them are the rigidly-ruled castles
in miniature of sta members" Who
that has ever lived in Washington board
ing house has not been brought to a sud-
den realization of his own extreme no.
der the same roof-usually second floor
front-of the austere, gloomy-visa ged,
heavy weight member from Any-Old-Place,
who Is a Jove of the upper cloud strata in
the reverential eyes of the landlady. and
who gets all the hot water. all the clean
est towels, all the first fruits of the larder
at all hours of the day or night. and who
perhaps takes pie with knife from a
pure love of the bizarre?
Tie change that has been gradually COM
ing over the Washington boarding house
during the past decade has by no means
yet deprived it of its most essential char
acteristics.
1t is probably for the purpose of remain
ing in alignment with the theory that "old
things are best that the old-time Wash
ington boarding house still exists in ex-
ceedingly large numbers.
In truth, there are many men and wo-
men now advancing toward middle age. or
quite past it, who would perhaps not find
themselves comfortable in their boarding
house beds If the walls of their rooms We're
not adorned by couple of faded portraits
of a couple of their 'landlady's. earlier hus-
Observation-Disclosures gentlemen in
ante-bellum costume. with their hair brush
ed forward above their ears.
The tenants Of the Washington boarding
house dwell in greater unity together than
do the boarding house occupants of some
other namable cities. The people who
live In boarding houses in Washington
have been somewhere ard seen something.
which perhaps accounts for the greater
atmosphere of peace, whtte-winged which
hovers over the Washington boarding
house table The dictatorial man, of
Course, sometimes glowers over the break
fest table arising very early in order to
become thoroughly awakened to his task
of squelching all hands at the morning
meal On every conceivable topic, from the
limitations Of the infinite to the outrageous
playing Of the home ball team.
The Indian Row.
''See they're having a row about some
thing or another in India" says the mild
little man at the foot of the table. First
thing you know there's going to be a
scrap that
Scrap" thunders the dictatorial man.
"Sir, there shall soon be an unleashing
of the dogs OF war in India that shall
rock that stricken empire TO its base, and
I shall be greatly mistaken if we do not
hear of q thousand repetitions of the siege
of Lucknow that made the year 1859 such
gloomy period throughout the civilized
world
Didn't the siege of Lucknow take place
in 1857 or 1852? inquiries the mild little
man, snriveling palpably under the leonine
glare of the dictatorial man.
NO, sir. it didn't crates the dictatorial
man. who swears by all his dates from
the Assyrian calendar down. Not by a
whole hoSshead of rum did it take place
in 1857 or 1853! 1t took place in 1859. as 1
believe 1 stated in sufficiently clear tone
of voice. didn't 1? And what's more
Crushed Him.
''Well'' puts in the mild little man, in
fear of his life, Il only happened to men
ton 1t, because l was looking over one
of these newspaper almanacs yesterday
and it gave the date of the siege, think
as"
That's it. you Think is the crushing
reply. $50 does the newspaper almanac
think! What the deuce does the news
paper almanac know about it, anyhow!
l say that the siege of Lucknow took
place in the year of our Lord 1859 and of
the independence of the United States of
America-lets see; anyhow, it was in 80
1 am positive. dead sure, absolutely certain
about it! There's whole lot too much
guessing about dates around here, any
howl
The two pathetic facts connected with
the clearinghouse life Of the dictatorial
man is, first, that although he has never
been known to get anything right, he al
ways thinks he is right: and. second, that
he appears blissfully unconscious of the
are perpetually conspring to get him
worked up at the table. in order to have
fun with him.
A Mystery.
The mysterious man generally occupies
the third floor back room in the Washing
ton boarding house. He doesn't scramble
to get to work at 8 o'clock In the morning
ne Has ITO visible means Oh support. and
yet the landlady, who is as befogged as to
ms antecedents and present station as any
OF her boarders, is always handed her en-
velope promptly. He dosn't say a word at
table, and Ga perpetual grief he keeps the
drawers of his dresser tightly locked when
he gees out He keeps very late hours, and
the supposition is general among the other
boarder5 that there is something wrong
sbout him.
Shouldn't be surprised If that fellow got
caught in burglary one of these fine
nights says the speculative stenogra-
pher employed in the Treasury Depart
ment.
Looks to me like a short-card player"
volunteers the patent office draughtsman
When it finally leaks out that the mys-
FERROUS mans mission in Washington is to
gather material at the Congressional Lii
brary for History of Christianity in the
Sixth Century the other boarders feel that
they have been individually and personally
Wronged. IN n.
Rides I'm n Landau.
The mysterious niddle-aged lady, first
floor back. dwells in athe Washington
boarding house in considerable numbers.
The number and variety of her Jewels ex-
cite the firmly rooted suspicion of the
feminine element of the household. More
over, she goes driving In landau at
o CLOCK every week duy afternoon Che hac