Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1897-05-19
Humorous department.
"ABOUT ICE CREAM"

aDUUl I'VE OhEdMs
He slipped into an ice cream saloor
very softly, and when the girl asket
him what he wanted, he replied:
"Corned beef, fried potatoes, pickle:
and mince pie"
"This is not restaurant; this is al
ice cream parlor," she said.
"Then why did you ask what
wanted for2 Why didn't you bring
on your ice cream
She went after it, and as she re
turned he continued:
"You see, my dear girl, you mus
infer-you must reason. Itisn't likely
that 1 would come into an ice cream
parlor to buy a grindstone, is it? Yor
did not think I came in here to ask i
you had any baled hay, did you? ?"
She looked at him in great surprise
and he went on:
eff I owned hardware store, anc
you came in, I would infer that yot
came for something in my line.
wouldn't step up and ask you if yol
wanted to buy mule, would I ?"
She went away highly indignant
An old lady was devouring dish o
cream at the next table, and the stran
ger, after watching for moment
called out:
"My dear woman, have you fount
any hairs or buttons in your dish ?"
"Mercy! no !" she exclaimed, as sh'
wheeled around and dropped hel
spoon.
"Well, I'm glad of it," he continued
eff you find any, just let me know.
She looked at him for half min
ute, picked up the spoon, laid it. dowr
again, and then rose up and left th'
room. She must have said something
to the proprietor, for he came running
in and exclaimed:
"Did you tell that woman there
were hairs and buttons in my ice
cream"
"No, SIR"
"You didnt?"
"No, sir, 1 did not; merely re
quested her, in case she found any
such ingredients, to inform mel"
"Well, sir that was mean trick"
"My dear SIR" said the stranger
smiling softly, "did you expect me tt
.ask the woman if she had found {
crowbar or a sledge-hammer in hel
cream? 1t is impossible, sir, for suct
articles to be hidden away in such
small Dishes"
"The proprietor went away groWl
ing, and as the stranger quietly slipped
away at his cream, two young ladie!
came in, sat down near him and or
dered cream and cakes. He Wanted
until they had eaten little and ther
he remarked:
"Beg pardon, ladies but doyou OBJ
serve anything peculiar in the taste o
this cream ?"
They tasted, smacked their lips, ant
were not certain.
"Does it taste to you as if a plug o
tobacco had fallen into the freezer p
he asked.
"Ah! kah !" they exclaimed, drop
ping their spoons and trying to spi
out what they had eaten. Both rush
ed out and it wasn't long before th'
proprietor rushed in."
"See here what in the blazes arr
you talking about?" he demanded
"What do you mean by plug tobacco
in the freezer?"
"My kind friend, I asked the ladies
if this cream tasted of plug tobacco
1 didn't taste any such taste, and
don't believe you used bit of tobacco
in it,"
"Well, we don't want you to tall
that way around heren' continued
the proprietor.
"My ice-cream is pure, and the maj
who says it isn't, tells bold lie!"
He went away again, and woman
with a long neck and a sad face sa
down and said to the girl that sh'
would take a small dish of lemon-ice
1t was brought, and she had takel
about two mouthfuls when the stran
ger inquired:
"Excuse me, madam, but do yol
know how this cream was made-hav'
you an idea that they grated turnil
and chalk with the cream?"
She didn't reply. She slowly rose
up, wheeled around and made for th'
door. The stranger followed after
and by great good luck his coat tail
cleared the door an instant too soon tt
be struck by five-pound box of fig
hurled with great force by the indig
nant proprietor. AS he reached th'
curb-stone he halted, looked at th'
door of the parlor and soliloquized:
"There are times when people shoult
infer, and there are times when the.
shouldn't. suppose if had asked
that woman if she thought that they
hashed up a sawmill in the cream she't
have felt a circular saw going dowr
her throat"
RUNNING YET.-"Wnen l was fish
ing in the West Indies some year.
ago" said the man with the cigarette