Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-07-10
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49,

est is."-Truth.
How do you pronounce the last syi.
liable of that word 'butterineT" asked
The customer. The last syllable IL
silent ss'ifiy replied The tradesman.--
IME.ts 49,. -. ..n
He may be all very we'll at story.
telling. but he doesn't know much
about the turf" How do you known
why. he made the favorite VIM
Pick-Me.up.
Police magistrate-liave you ever
seen the prisoner at the bar? Witness
Never. your honor but I've seen him
when l strongly suspected he'd been
at it.-Tit-Bi,s. ..-...i ....,...-
Mrs. Suages-l wonder what brought !
on this cold snap. Mr.. Snaggs--Don't
you Know? NO" THE traction com. |
fany has put its open cars In service"
--plttsburg Chronicle.
Eastern-I thought you lived just
opposite the station. but I find you ten
miles back in the country. Kansan-
Yes. n cyclone moved us last week.
Philadelphia North American.
MY wife Is a most original woman"
said Brown. "Why. when proposed
to her, instead of sAyiug. This Is so
sudden she said. Well. I think It's
about time. "-lIarper's Bazaar.
Nell-Flora's going on the stage.
Belief didn't know she had any tai.
ent. Ncll--She hasn't. but her aunt,
the great actress. has died and left
Flora her entire wardrobc.-phladel.
phla Record.
Seems like you came back from
Washington without any pie?" said
the sarcastic friend. ut Is no use to
mince matters" said the returned Of.
flee seeker. "My dough gave out."-Cln.
cinnntl Enquirer.
.ranger-But I hear that your New
England climate Is exceedingly varl.
able. Nativc--Not n bit of It: quite the
contrary. 1t Is pretty much the same
all the year round--con,inually chang.
ing.-Boston Transcript.
II had the nfammatory rheumatism
so bad once" said the elderly boarder,
that they had to call In cpnsulta.
ton OF four physicians" sort Of Joint
commission. ehT" asked the cheerful
Acknowledgements Journal.
what kind of language was that
you were talking to baby just now,
mamma?" asked little Ethel. THAT'S
baby talk. my dear" replied the moth.
or. And did I once understand that,
mamma:"--Yonkers Statesman.
Il gave Johnnie a dime this morn.
ing. What do you suppose he did with
IT. Cant imagine" "Give II to the
little simpson girl for kiss" "Well.
say. that boy Is getting the typewriter
habit early."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
You call him a great doctor? Non.
sense" But he cures people" sup.
posing he does. | say he is n disgrace
20 the profession" "May I ask your
business, slri" you may. I'm an un.
dertaker. sir."-C!eveland Plain Deal.
er.
II hear you have fitted up little cot.
tage of your own and are going TO get
married next month";" exclaimed Jones
gayly. NO: my ilancee has thrown me
over FOR another man." hopclessly
sighed Brown. "IIc has q tandem!"-.
Brooklyn Eagle.
She--"Why Is II that poets are nj
ways so spiritual looking? l don,
think ever heard of a corpulcnt poet
lie docking N her thoughtfully and
sadly fora momenD-"It Is because they
seldom have any other means Of ex
.steIcc."--Cleveland Leader.
Gus De Smith, saw your rich ole
uncle on the stree. yesterday. lie look
ed SO bad that was shocked" John
ME Fcwscads twho expects to inherit
his uncle's wealth)-"fes. the old maj
has changed very much OF late to my
advantage."-New York World.
B!l,ings--"Hosh! Don't tell me tina
Banks doesn't care for his wife. Why
that man Is completely infatuated an,
have proof OF It," Rockwcll-"Wha
Is 4ir proof? B!llIngs-"IIe consented
to take her for his partner In n rubber
OF whist the other MISUNDERSTANDING
Leader.
IIobbs-"l think It was deucet
shame that they put old Bibbine in ;
lunatlc asylum because he went DAT
over Scotch dialect" Bobbs-"Oh. tn
dialect business was bearab!e. but, say
when he took up the bag-pipes tn
ncIghbors complained 10 the board o
health."-Iru,h.
She-"Do you think, ut the rate VIC
man Is progressing, that the time wi
ever come when she will treat the ma
instead OF the man treating herf' He
Il hope not. That was what got til
whole human race into trouble-Eve'
setting up the apples to Adam.'-Cir
cinnatl Enquirer.
Loomis-"rhcy met just about fort
El!r. outside of I.arissa and the col
test ragged all day. II wasn't Gree
against Greek, but the next best thing
Greek against Turk-and, oh, what
battle royal II was.' Rooter Qookin
upJ-"What was the score:"-Philade
phia North American.
Il guess Jim can get away for tina
fishing party all right" What make
you think so:' Il was up To his hous
last night. and what do you think; III
wife used TO he an amateur eiocutionis
before they were married, and. b
George. he asked her 10 reciie. She
never refuse him now."-Boston Jou
nal.
Deacon Dobhs-"i,rother Goodman,
fear, didn't stick closely 10 the truth