Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-03-14

H..N..t-4AAl4. Ne-9os
Fellow-citizens. you who only don
taO shirts week, and would
fam appear clean to the unsus-
I.cung public, need ! hint 10
sou how hard that first shirt is 10 man.
age ON the fourth day Of the indivisib-e
sa,en2 why and wherefore do YOU wear
your coat severely buttOned on that day?
1s 10 not 70 hide the alluvial deposits on
that shirt and to keep up appearances
while you try to keep down the dirt?
Maybe the mere fact that you only wear
fWO shirts a week doesn't bother you IN
The least doubtless you have gotten along
on less). but it's what your neighhor
thinks that worries you. And he, on his
side of the street, viii be wondering
whether the length Of his coat-tails OBJ
scures from public scorn the mosaic work
performed by his spouse on the more vul-
uerable and perishable sections Of his
trousers. Personally, the aforesaid mosaic
work. blended with the surrounding cloth
hy an artistic execution Of the herring
bone stitch may not disturb him In the
least, but he quakes with fear at the BODY
polite who squirt at sucl things ana
smile contemptuously. Why and where
fore. 1 ask again, do you omit to wear
hosiery. yet carefully polish the toe OF
your boot? The answer echoes from the
s0ckless horde: We're keeping up APP
pearances, yet saving the expense OF
hosiery" IL Is forever and eternally the
same old game Of putting the best foot
foremost and attempting 10 conceal the
Cauker-wOrm that gnaws your vitals. You
fear what other people think and fail TO
remember that they, in their turn, fear
what you think.
Nrn are bad enough 90 their mendacious
Observation-Disclosures knOws--but their
weakness in this direction pales when
brought into comparison with that OF
women. The dominant sex live entirely
l0r show With them true happiness
consists in having their neighbors think
they are rich pros porous and admired.
a man-ruler for instance, will hoard her
llst cent (and also her husbands TO buy
herself a silk petticOat Why does she
want 30? is silk DctticOat more com
Portable than a flannel pettlcoat? SO far
the writer knows. il is not why
tH.u. prithee, does the man-ruler yeafn
-lr it2 There are many reasOns-to wit
Che foIloWing ID The gods are supposed
tl best0w six petticoats exclusively on
those they iove-i. c., the wealthy tZj
f.6 perlcOats are wanted by every mein-
Dep of the dominant sex. who hasn't one
I'D silk petticoats rustic like autumn
z.phyrs among the scar and yellow leaf;
I'D when this rustic rustles every ak
rett.coatess female in town will hear IL
and envy The wearer. The same reason
ire applies TO other garments, which
While equally as scryiceable without
roks RULES lacos, trimmings frills, ct
ctera. yet excite feminine envy ana
make the wearer an object OF hated
alteration 20 her whiskerless companions.
O. "a GOOD house
keeper Drobably much better than you
tFo her credit foD. but all the same
..ea not going TO economic II Mrs.
htseiaw, from across the way, drops
la To- dinner The programme OF bacon
cabbage potatoes, and last weeks man,
which has already begun 10 float Out on
l'a atmosphere. Is mraculously altered
ana when you smilingly seat yourself az
lte table you are inwarQly delighted TO
discover "a much better meal than you
smell when you first entered your abode
Why Us It thus? Your wife IS simply
Keeping up appearances, and essaying 10
d.udc the willy Mrs Waggjaw. That
worthy and communicative person. on her
lalt is meeting you with your own tao
Ties. for she. too Is playing the deceitful
about her manner OF living. All through
DIE the same colossal fight Is fought and
the family skeleton is forever kept
squeezed in the closet. Thank Heaven
appettes and hunger are Invisible. Tor
how many OF MS would display them II
thc X-ray OF neighborly curiosity could
penetrate 30 far. Icy down your yotiYe
offerings in gratitude, too, because re-
NcIsed cuffs cannot speak, nor tan
hosiery reveal the scars OF constant use.
Bless the sllence-the marvellous silence
OF your wife, who. though verbose
enough with you, yet IS az the tomb
when brought 70 a discussion Of your IN
o'genco Trust her from this time forth
and ever more IN the performance or that
sacred duty OF keeping up appearances.
10 those Of the indulgent public VINO
read his letters, and charitably fan 70 ue-
tect the ripe antiquity Of his Jokes the
"Ldsy bess to address WORD. IL WIZ