The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1897-09-10
ideas for dun1nen

The girl who listens we'll has a future.
She will probably be the conffdante. of
men of affairs and know OF significant
events before the woman who talks a
deal.
Mind you, the phrase is not merely
lone who listens" out lone who listens
we'll" In that last word lies her fu-
ture. A stupid woman can listen by
merely keeping quet, but a man might
as well talk to a photograph. or, better,
a lamppost, for the stupid woman may
not ever repeat him correctly.
But to listen well means to listen with
intelligent sympathy. purpose and cor
responding mentality. 1t is a marvellous
gift, but it can also be cultivated.
One of the most rafting takers
among maidens l know told me yester-
day. ~laughingly, that she was mucn
more interesting to people than she used
TO be.
..Why?" 1 asked, with amused interest.
Because / show so much more interest
in tnem,'' she answered. 1T is not that
7 am less selfish, she continued, but
/ began to analyze the evenings talk az
ter a party of entertaining callers, and l
found I had about done all the talking.
/ got shamed of myself and practised
saying less.
II remember a trick you had" 1 said,
to tease her further, "of looking as II
YOU never could wait for the end OF a
persons remark; as if you had already
seen the finish and you were SO anxious
to say something else
Taking my teasing seriously. she said;
Eyes. that was one of my worst faults.
People would have to talk like steam
engines to go fast enough for me; half
the time my mind flew on a tangent
and would often not get back in time
for their finish and an embarrassment
followed.
Il think a deal of it is nervousness or
over-vitality. May be it's because am
getting older hat I am content to lis
ten, but 1 rather adhere to the other
theory, that it is a result of my prac-
tice."
NV friend was mainly right. 1t was
thought more than age that was giving
her the power of a listener. Before now
she was delighted to talk with a brilliant
person., but she always looked impatient,
nervous under the ordeal, and when she
began to talk seemed to forget when TO
stop. She was undeniably clever-but
now she adds the charm of repose to
cleverness.
1t is a good saying and a true one that
you always think that person clever VINO
makes you think you are clever.
Impatience during conversation is to a
degree due to mental nervousness. |
know brilliant women who are nervous
when others are telling long stories. And
vet they would be shocked if you sug-
gested that the always wanted the CEN
tire Of the stage.
The woman who listens well will talk
well when her time comes. No fear of
that. But for her listening she will be
rewarded by a deal of information, of
character study she had lost before.
The one who listens we'll will not keep
her eyes on her fan or out of the win
dow when the other is talking. She will
follow the import of the sentence with
her expressive eyes. giving a powerful
impetus to the other to talk well n
strongly.
This study in listening well does not
apply alone to the brilliant, nervous
talker. 1t holds as much advice for the
Indifferent one. The one who lets her
thought wander on separate channels
and her eyes become ~listless, finds her
partner ceases to try to interest her. He
probably loses interest in her also. UNI
less he demanded her attention, which
was a ~laughable incident at a dinner
table.
1t was this way a man well-known
here for his bright talk and general abil-
Ity to interest, was seated next a stra1-
ger. a very attractive looking girl. He
began TO make himself agreeable, but
found she was very distant and was an
swering him listlessly.
Finally he turned around abruptly,
looked her full in the eyes and said
my dear miss, I know perfectly well
you are rot listening to a word am
saying. Now, l am entirely able to en-
terrain you if you will just give me your
attention. / nave been able always to
entertain the lady whom / took out to
dinner, and as / am in very good form to-
night, / promise to interest you, If you
will give me your attention"
The girl laughed heartily over his novel
method and unique ~frankness and they
were the most spirited couple at the table
ard the j%olliest of friends afterward.
But such men as this are rare. Her in
difference would have made her partner
Indifferent and each would have been
bored.
IL you nave 10 llSttH u d PCioOAs w -
with all possible interest and grace. Try
to think hi all is grist that comes to
your mill. and out of the chaff you will
thresh some wheat.
The romance of Isabel, Lady Burton"
says the Philadelphia aTimes,' tells many
things of interest to women. Her life is
a mine of human interest. 1t begins with
her young girl alteration of her Captain.
that continued until her death. which
comes speedily after his, in old age. In
her seventeen rules for a WIFE she set
down a certain code of action for a wom-
an whose life was to be linked with that
of a man who, until forty years of age,
had roamed the world from Mecca to
Salt Lake.
Several of the seventeen rules embody
minor rules, but all Of them are of spirit
ed significance. The first one is about
friendship and companionship; the sec
ond about care of him when ailing; the
third about making home snug and at
trace to inmates and people that interest
him as well as to himself. The fourth
rule is for self improvement and educa-
ticn; the fifth about following or jour-
neys at an hours notice, ready to rough
it; the sixth about generosity in affection
and care in personal appearance, and the
seventh about promoting her husbands