The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1897-04-29
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commenting upon a widower who re-
married, though his welded life had
been unhappy, 1T is the triumph of
hope over experience"
A clerk in a Chicago book store was
surprised not long ago, when a young
lady came into the store and said to
him: Il want to buy a present of a
book for a young man." Yes, miss"
said he; what kind of a book do you
want?" Why, a book for a young
man." "Well-but what kind OF a young
man." "Oh, he's tall and has light hair,
and he always wears blue neckties!"
or Matthew Arnold as a school exam
liner, a tale is told by a fellowinspecter
of a class of girl pupil teachers that he
asked Arnold to examine for him. Ar
mold gave them all the excellent mark.
But" said the other inspector, surely
they are not all as good as they can be;
some must be better than others" Per
haps that is So" replied Arnold: but
then, you see, they are all such very
nice girls"
1t was related of one Of the members
of Grants first Cabinet, a former col
lege professor of the "know-it-al" vari-
ETY., that he was on one occasion dis
coursing on the subject of the Druses,
when an auditor interrupted him with
the remark that the ~cyclopedia did not
agree with him. "Ohw was the reply,
II know a great deal more about the
Druses than l did when l wrote that
article in the cyclopedia."
Senator Voorhees, once had succeeded
in delivering an appeal which had
brought tears to the eyes Of several
jurymen. Then arose the prosecuting
attorney, a gruff old man, with a piping
voice and nasal twang. Gentlemen"
said he, deliberately, you might as
we'll understand from the beginning
that l ann not boring for water" This
proved so effectual a wet blanket to the
emotions excited by Mr.. Voorhees, that
he realized the futility of his own dor
ng."
After the expulsion Of Louis Philippe
in 1S4S, Louis Napoleon let several
months go by before offering himself
as a candidate for the chamber. He
was elected and presented himself
while the law decreeing his exile was
still in force. One of the deputies pro-
tested against his taking his seat. Louis
Napoleon arose, hesitated, bungled, and
sat down without having been able to
0J1y,ace, th0 Do,0r,hlr sfta. <hn + ~
said the objecting deputy, Il withdraw
my objection"
General Thnddeus II. Stanton. the
,paymaster general of the army, called
at old Fort Brydger, in Wyoming, about
twenty years ago, to see an old friend
named Hastings, who was one of the
custodians of the abandoned post. He
met a man named Williams, and inquir-
ed for Hastings. "Oh, Hastings is
dead" said Williams. 'Dead.w said
Stanton, in surprise; what did he die
of" COMMITTED suicide" said Will
Jams. 1.-The devil you sayr' responded
Stanton; show did he commit suicide?'
He called me a LIAR" answered Will
Jams.
Maurice Barrymore was once in on
don with a new piece which he was
anxious to have produced. He had read
it to a manager and it had been decided
that he was to play the leading role.
About a week after it was supposed to
have been definitely settled, Barry
received a note from the manager ask
ing him to call. Barrymore called and
the manager said: Il like the piece, old
fellow, but l don't see how 1 can use
you in the cast. Your beastly American
dialect won't do at all, you know. They
won't have it." well, that's strange"
said Barryomre; "they told me on the
other side that they wouldn't have me
on account of my beastly English dia-
lect. What ann 1 to do; give Rotations
on the transatlantic steamers"
Observation-Disclosures, an honest man
who would not deceive his patrons,
when he first went into business six
years ago, put up a sign which read:
'Joe Garibaldi, bootblack. Has two
small children" Each succeeding year
found him deserving of more sympathy,
for he kept amending the sign, until it
read eight small children. A few days
ago Joe's stand was locked for a whole
day. and when he returned the next
morning he contided to the butchers
boy that his baby died. His first work
was to amend the sign so that it might
not mislead the public, and it then read,
Joe Garibaldi, bOotblack. Has seven
small children" Then, to avoid being
placed in a false position before the
public, he added with his finger and
shoe-blacking, zone he die"
A devoted couple, who apparently
had been long separated, were thrust
suddenly into each others company
(says the Boston Evening Record at a
largely attended reception. A lady who
tells the story vas present, in company
with an educated deaf girl. The happy
reunited pair displayed fully the
thoughts that were in their hearts by
the beam upon their countenances. Sud
denly the young man drew near to the
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