The herald., 1897-08-29
sQUAN CREEK FOLKS.
Jep Jones Tells About Z Long-Deleyod
SW0p Of Jack.KnIyeA


Swop Of Jack'Knlves
There wasn't nuthin' perticlrler about
Abraham Osgood, except that he'd own-
ed the same umbrella for forty-two
years, and the only thing Hiram Spoon
er could brag about was his payin' sew
en- dollars for a gravestun fur his fust
wife. They was sittin' in Parker's gro
Gerry one night, each with his jack
knife out and whittlin' away. when
Abraham looks over and says:
Hiram, it's mighty dull times IN
Squan Creek jest about now"
mighty dull" replies Hiram.
Don't we think we orter set out and
boom things a leetle?"
GAS to how?"
"Wall, I've bin thinlxin' 1t all over.
and mebbe I'd swop jack-knives with
ye to start things hummin'. I dunno.
though, as this knife o. mine is razor
steel and cost a heap O. money!
"They can't none O. 'em beat that
thar knife" says Hiram, as he holds
it out to view. "Them blades was made
by hand. and any one of EMIL cut
ha'r. Whar' dye 'spose got this
knife?"
Bought her Of q tin pedd1er, proba-
bly,"
Don't be too smart, Abe Osgood!
You used ter know Uncle Billy Peak?
Wall, he went off to the Pacific in
whaler, and one day when his boat had
killed a whale he found this 'ere knife
stickin' in the monsters side. He brung
it home and gin it to me for luck. and
I hadn't had it but one day when
found dollar in the road
That was all a lie, and Abe Osgood
knowed it, but he felt he must match
it or be looked down on in Squan
Creek, and so he looks at the knife and
says:
"Hiram, I don't doubt what you say,
cause I've seen whales with jack-knives
stickin' into 'em with my own eyes, but
it don't begin with my knife here.
When my grandfather was crossin' the
plains to California he bought this
knife of feller for twenty dollars, and
1 wouldn't take fifty this mint"
"He must wanted it bad" sighs
Hiram.
'You bet he did! He had a peg in his
boot which was stickin' into his heel.
and he was jest about to run away
from the Injuns. He wanted this knife
to cut that peg out, and he laid down
$40 quicker'n scat and saved his scalp.
The day afore got this knife the doc
tor said my ole woman couldn't git well
of typhoid fever, but I hadn't carried 1t
two hours when she was heap bet
ter. I spoke about maxim swop with
ye in order to boom Squan Creek and
git bizness on the hump, but We are SO
tarnal mean that won't do it."
nrfn ,ir1t ~ ~
affair, and it went on for three years.
Arter about month everybody in
Squan Creek began to take sides and
argy and git mad. The women was
drawed into it as well as the men, and
thar wasn't no more lendin' of quilt
frames and f1at-irons and wash-boards.
Bimeby the preacher felt called upon to
interfere, cause 1t was agin religun,
and he goes to Hiram Spooner and
says:
Hiram, the Lord won't allow a liar
to prosper. That jack-knife O. yours was
never found stickin' in whale, and
want you to own up that it wasn't and
stop this quarrelin'."
Hiram said he'd own up II Abe would,
but Abe's wife had the only blue-bor-
dered table-cloth in Squan Creek, and
| she felt so stuck-up over it that she
wouldn't let Abe take a drop. That
kept the quarrel goin' red-hot and ev-.
erybody on edge. Every few days HI
ram and Abe would meet at Parker s
or in the postoffice, and arter they had
got out their jack-knives and Whitfield
up three or four shingles apiece, Abe
would lovingly say:
I'm a-swoppin' jack-knives with
anybody as wants to, for the sake OF
humpin' bizness in Squan Creek. but I
don't want no knife as was found stick
in in a whale. I'm afeared 1t would
make a joiner of me-"
And then all the folks would look at
Hiram and expect him to say sunthin',
and purity soon the end of his nose
would git reddish, and he'd answer
| back:
'I'd like to see bizness hump, too, but
I amt swoppin' knives with no liar. A
Teller as will lie about his own grand
father will lie about blind orphan"
| In the spring Abe Osgood went off in
a schooner and got wrecked and didn't
git back for two years, and Hiram
Spooner went down to North Caroliny
and was gone about as long. Both got
back the same day. and as they found
each other in the grocery, both whit
feels called upon to say:
Hiram, mebbe ye was maxim voy.
age to the Pacific to find that ere whale
and sharpen that knive agin his teeth?'
And Hiram waited a mint to cough
and spit on the stove afore he replied:
! "And, Abe, mebbe ye was out west
huntin' for that peg yer grandfather
cut outer his boot with that twenty
dollar iack-knife!'
Suuan Creek had got so quieted down
that the widder Spofford was lendin'
her china sugar-bowl to Mrs. Hastings
when the latter had company from
Philadelphia, but the return of the men
set everybody by the ears agin. They
pizened each others dogs and cats,
licked each others children, and the
singin'- -skule we was goin' to hev that
winter was all broke up. The preacher
seen both men agin and advised 'em to
sWop iack-knives even UP and trust TO
the Lord to prosper Squan Creek, but
both was stiff -necked. Then he preach
ed a powerful sermon one Sunday agin
'em. and everybody knowed who he
meant. and the Squan Creek Gazette
came out and said that it would move
down to Barnegat if sunthin wasn't
done Nuthin was done, however, ex-
cent to keep on quarrelin', and the
I