The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-05-30
Some Slight lamentations.


BANKS OF PALMS-rhe Fort Scott
Monitor in its account OF the GRADUATE
exercises there this week says: Great
banks Of palms converted the stage into
a very bower of beauty" II is an actual
palms on the stage
MANY BEAUTIFUL PRESENTS-were
received. according 10 most Kansas
newspaper accounts of weddings. The
statement is most untrue and the practice
OF printing the list of presents went out
OF fashion because people Were ashamed
10 have them Published Wedding pres
ents are always disappointing and the ma
jority OF brides are sorely vexed at the
stinginess Of Their relatives. and some have
been known TO break down and cry. The
presents are not many and are not beauti-
full.
PICNIC-Th.s Is an entertainment gwen
out-of-doors with cold lunch. hammocks.
swings and boating. II IS commonly sup
posed TO be most wretched affair. This
came about from the fac, that smart
writer years ago attended picnic ane
did not enjoy himself. some other fellow
capturing his girl. and he returned home
and started a campaign against p.en.cs
which convinced most people that picnics
are frauds. As matter of fact picnics
are very enjoyable.
UNIVERSALLY REGRETTED-It is
said that when a man passes away his
death is universally regretted. II is the
kind thing 10 say. He has probably been
a man who deserved better OF the commu-
n.ty and the community should feel re-
greet al his death. But as matter OF fact
the majority of the people are Indifferent
and as many as one-half Of one per cent
OF the total population are really glad tina;
he is gone.
MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE
DAY-N:ne out of ten society reports hand
ed N to a newspaper conclude with The
guests departed at late hour wishing their
host many happy returns of the day" This
is false. They do not wish him anything
Of the kind. The next party you attend
stop as you pass out Of the front door and
try to determine whether you have any
such thought in regard to your host.
ACCEPTED A POSTTION.-This is a
very popular phrase IN Kansas. Its mean
ing is that some one after sitting up at
nights with opportunities, requests. pray
ers. petitions and pulls. has succeeded in
getting a weeks trail as a clerk, He
knows a reporter and the reporter announ-
ces in the paper that he has accepted a
position and when the proprietor comes
in the next morning he dare not LOOK him
in the eye.
STEADY GROwTH-The affection most
western papers have for these two words
&c oil han
claim that their towns are having "stea-
dy growth" and deny emphatically that
anything like boom is abroad. These
same papers derogate and cry down booms
as evil. However. If one town in the state
should start on a tremendous and unreal
sonable boom, all editors in the towns with
steady growtns would at once break their
necks TO locate in the town with the de-
sp:sed boom.
BOUNCING BABY BOY.-The idiot whe
originated this phrase is not known and de.
servedly his grave is not marked. 1t is
common in Kansas papers and comes n.
in this wise: Mrs. Smith presented Mr..
Smith with a bouncing baby boy last even
ing" Examination of the newly-born ba~
by would reveal the fact that there was
nothing bouncing about him; that he was
wrapped up so securely that nothing but
his eyes were visible and that he was han
died with as much care as soap-buoble
upon the preservation of which the hold
er's life depended. Any attempt 10 bounce
the baby would result in his immediate
death.
GREETED WITH ENTHUSIASTIC AP-
FLAUSE-This Is used OF congressional
candidates in the west usually. When the
candidate walks on the stage with a GER
tain feroc.ous stiffness and patent feeling
of loneliness and fear that he hasn't
friend in the house. there are always two
or three men in the audience who begin
to clap their hands. A half dozen more may
take il up. with the result that at last there
IS some applause. But II is alweys fam;
and stringy at the start. A Kansas audi
ence can be warmed up, but until the
speaker has demonstrated his ability to en-
teratin them they are killing in their frig-
idity. A speaker in Kansas is never greet
ed with enthusiastic applause. He may re-
ceive enthusiastic applause, when he con-
cludes.
WIPED OUT.-This expression is used
frequently IN regard TO towns which have
teen struck by tornadoes in the west.
There is nothing on record TO show that
anything has ever been wiped out by a
tornado. Tornadoes are very tame az
fairs If viewed otherwise than through
newspaper mems eyes. In most tornado
stricken towns only a very few houses are
blown down as a rule. and the lumber piled
in hetp on the foundations. Most ali
OF every town so struck is uninjured. So
great is the fancied terrors OF torradoes
that the people in a trnado-stricken town
Sleep better the frs; night after the storm
than the people do IN Surrounding counties
People who have gone through a tornado
have not half the fear OF them that others
have.
OPENINGS.-Th.s Is word typical OF
the west and descriptive Of the govern
ment's act Of throwing open 10 settlement
a large body OF land. Newspaper descrip-
tions Of the openings show than to be
very dramatic. They are nothing OF the
kind. The wait until the noon hour IS
very tedious. The race IS not race a.
all-the wagons move along slowly while
several foolish horsemen VIII break away
in front and rush from one claim to an
other franticaIly. finally. as a rule. halt
ing on claim that is OF poor quality.
Openings are very dusty and tedious ar5
uEexciting. and no one can b persuaded
TO attend a second one. An opening never
thrilled any one except when he read about
/; IN a newspaper.
SURPRISE PARTY.-This Is the mos
frequent social function n the vast II
some communities II Is supreme II consists
II making a hostess OF a woman who re-
fuses 70 become one OF her can free I'll
She is never surprised. II = not intend
81 that she shall be. Certain people de-
eide 20 have party. They pick cut
vis;im and notify her that they VII az
a. a. I~H-, p1x-s lo-ssa T---y-zday s-sr-