Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-11-01

Inc only cure-alack!--
Is tc drop Klondike
lcicle down the back.
Chicago Tribune.
"You ought to go up to Alaska, Mr.
Staylate." "Why so?" "They have
night there two months long" He
went. Plain Dealer.
In the Butcher Shop: Customer-''I
should like to see a nice calf's head"
Butcher Boy-"Yes, sir. Father will
be down directly Boston Traveller,
Though critics may condemn
And prudes treat him with rigor,
The sculptor, spite of them,
Has cut pretty figure.
No matter how insignificant man
may be there is girl somewhere in
the world who will consider him dis
tinguished looking. - Philadelphia
Record.
The people who regard croquet as
quiet, religious sort of game never
tried to cross the lawn after night
where the wickets had been left stand
ing g.-Atchison Globe.
But if you must reduce your ex-
penses, why don't you discharge your
private secretary?" "What! And
meet all those creditors personally? [
should say notl''-Detroit News.
Private Moriarty (the raw recruit y
"Halt, will yez? Who goes there?"
Captain Bighead Indignantly
'Fooll" Private Moriarty (unabashed)
Advance, fool, an give TIL counter
sign. Judge.
II see party of missionaries has
started for Klonkike." Eyes. sup
pose they intend to operate on the
people who are homeward bound with
tales of their rich finds. Philadel-
phia North American.
do you consider Meeker self
made man?" 'No; I think he was
made to order" "Why so?" "Well,
Judging from the way his wife orders
him around he must have been made
for that purpose. Chicago News.
ga Frenchman says that love is
disease that closely resembles alcohol
ISM" ''There may be some truth in
that. L have noticed that the gold
cure is frequently efficacious in both
diseases. cleveland Plain Dealer.
'"That was sensational prayer DIR.
Gumms delivered the other Sunday. 1
wonder if he expected it to be an
swered?" Certainly. And it was,
too. Why, nearly every paper in the
country replied to Brooklyn Life.
Nay, chide him not, though sadness he re-
Nor seek him out and ask him to be gay.
He paid hundred dollars for wheel
Whose price went down to seventy next
day.
Washington Star
''Those st. Louis people are max
ing great fuss over that one e-ponnd
baby that was born there the other
day" "They have a right to. 1t
counts just as much in the census as
if it weighed Il ton. Chicago Tri.
bune.
Don't cry, Buster" said Jimmie
boy, after the catastrophe. "Napole-
on didn't cry every time his brother
hit him accidentally on the eye" II
know that" retorted Buster. ''Na-
poleon did all the hittin' on the eye
hisself. "-Harper's Bazaar.
81 wonder" said the emotional girl,
"why men do not fight for woman's
love as they did in the days of
chivalry." Because" said the dis
gustingly handsome young man, SIT is
easier for fellow to go to summer
resort. Cincinnati Enquirer.
"You say you want to marry my
daughter; have you spoken to her?"
Eyes, SIR" replied the young man,
"and have gained her consent"
"Well, if she has said yes, that set.
ties it." Then the young man goes
home and wonders if he isn't too young
to marry such girl. Standard.
Dabsley-"Well, I suppose your
son will soon begin his last year in
college?" Parks-''No, he isn't going
back" Dabsley-"Oh, that's too
bad. He ought to go through, now
that he's got along to the last year.
What's the matter?" Parks "Why,
didn't you know that he had n fever.
and that his hair had all come out?'-
CLEVELAND T eo1ar