Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1897-08-27
NO. 43.
OUR APOLOGY


A man of great size, say about FIVE
feet four or six, and weighing about
$50 pounds when in good condition,
made call on us Saturday about
2 o'clock 1t was an interesting
.seance, lasting perhaps five minutes
and you may take my word for it,
that we were both much relieved
when it was over. He was fresh
from meeting with chums Of the
same feather in the village and with
only about four fingers Of the stuff
in his gravity cistern / mean it
gets there by gravity, like going
down rat hole, He says, sez he
every word weighing a pound) you
have put blemish on my reputation
bigger than a porous plaster, you
have slandered me in the PIKE
COUNTY PRESS and if you don't make
it right next week you will hear
from me sir, in tho Port Jeryis
Gazette. This scared me out Of at
least one years growth, and so be-
fore my hair turns entirely white ]
hasten TO make an ample apology.
You know there is nothing mean
about me when I goin to make an
apology and if l know anything
about how it should be done, then I
am going to do this up on large
scale. hardly know how to begin
this job though How in thunder
can tell where to begin, when he
didn't tell me what part Of the arti-
Gle he objected to. This is an awful
tuff job. You see 1 havn't much
material to work on, and l don't
know where to begin Blamed if I
don't most wish he had done with
me as he said he would do with Ed
Layton 'give him a id licking'
l begin to think it would have been
easier on me, and not very much
harder on him. But l told him 1
would do it, and-hang it, I don't
know whore TO begin It is almost
as bud as smoking my first cigar,
and what follows diet of green
apples is heavenly delight to this
But here goes. l want you all to
bear witness that if Cass Howell
ever stole trout that I said right
here that l did not see him do it.
And that if he swore that some one
else did on a certain date, ! cheerfully
admit he might have been mistaken
on the date He might have a poor
memory for dates, you know. l
don't believe he ever lifted q chicken
even, unless it was absolutely ne
oessary to his peace of mind, and l
want you to bear witness that l
think he set it down again. In fact
1 don't know whether he did or not,
I want to be honest in this matter,
but am afraid I am getting mixed
up trifle. 1t is awful tuff to be
lied about, and have people say he
will steal trout, or chickens, or any
thing he can lay his hands on, and
l am not going to hold my peace any
longer and see such things laid on a
good upright man like Cass Howell.
No Stree. He is just as good man
as Honest John, and Honest John is
a member of the Reformed church
of Peters Valley, and don't you for
get it, or more correctly, don't let
that fact become so etherealized as to
escape your memory. Jupiter
knows l am anxious to give them
both good character, and while
admit 1 have struck tuff JOB,
hanged if l know how ! can make
this apology any stronger than 1
have, and I really hope it will do.
may have, in fact am almost sure
have homely way about me, but
am sure you will give me credit
for having my heart in the right
place, and that is on the left side of
me, the right side to you, and with
a slight elevation above the dia-
phragm If Cass Howell is not satis-
fled with this, then he would not be
pleased if he had the whole earth,
and make a backward bow TO him,
} with a clear conscience of having
done my duty by him, like chris
tian of the first water. H.