davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15
TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY.
Take Laxative BromO Quinine Tablets. All Druggists
refund the money IL 1t fails to cure. 25c

The wedding cake served at a recent
Bangor (Me.) wedding was the last half
of the loaf which figured at the wedding
of the bridegroom's mother twenty-seven
years ago.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

The itching caused by skin diseases and the
pain of abrasions is always relieved by Glenn 8
Sulphur Soap
Halls Hair and Whisker Dye, black or brown
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15
The Pursuit of Happiness,

When the Declaration Of Independence
asserted mans right to this, it enunciated
on the road to happiness when he begins
to take Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, the
most eficacious regulator Of the liver in
existence. Equally reliable is it ia chills
and fever, constipation, dyspepsia, rheu-'
matism, kidney trouble and nervousness
Use 1T regularly, and not at odd intervals.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Eft Permanently Cured No fits nervousness after
Ist ~ first days use of DR.. Klines Great Nerve Re-
sorer Send for FREE &2.O trial bottle and treatise
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Next month the American Express
company will use horseless wagons ex-
clusively in Chicago.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

-Colored Britons have formed club
in London. They come from Demerara,
Trinidad, the Gold coast and Sierra Lee
one, and most OF them are medical or
law students
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

what was the outcome of that squat
BILE between the soprano and the alto as
to their voices?" asked the opera COM
pany manager.
II don't know" said the tenor, 81 left
mercial-Tribune.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

tains are sometimes lacking in the quality
of explicitness, but are frequently anus
ing to the inquirer with plenty of leisure
How far is it from here to Argillite?
asked a Portsmouth drummer of al old
fellow who was hoeing weeds out of some
sickly corn. Is it far?' Wall, it hain't
so very fer nor it hain't so very nigh
If you go around by the big road it's fer
der nor it is nigh, but if you cut acrost
the country it's higher nor it is fer, and
if you keep right straight ahead it's
kinder betwixt nigh an fer, but it's a
considerable of ja'nt from hyar, no
matter how you git thar
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

A pastor in Indiana recently startled
his congregation by the following an
nouncement: Remember our quarterly
meeting next Sunday. The Lord will be
with us during the morning service, and
the presiding elder in the evening
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Teacher-"Come, come, Dick; what
comes after temp Dick-Eight, nine,
ten-er[ dunno Bobby,
can you tell Dick what comes after temp
Bobby es'm; jack, queen and king
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Piso's Cure for Consumption has been
a family medicine with US since 1885,
J. R. Madison, 24O9 42d ave., Chicago,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Mrs. WfnsIOw's SOOTHING SYRUP for chit.
dren teethtng, softens the gums, red uces inflam.
alton, allays pain, cures wind collie Csc bottle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15
Lanes Family Medicine

Moves the bowels each day. In order
to be healthy this is necessary. Acts
gently on the liver and kidneys. Cures
sick headache. Price % and 50c
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Coughing Leads to Consumption.
Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough at
once. Go to your druggist today and get
a sample bottle free Sold in % and 80
cent bottles. Go at once; delays are dan
gerOuS.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

A boy who presented himself for admis-
sion to one Of the school ships at which
sailors are trained for the navy was
asked the usual questions at the examina-
tons: Where were you born"
In Modern Times" was the reply.
The question is not when, but where
you were born?"
Aboard the brig Modern Times of
Portland, Me-, bound for Havre with a
cargo of phosphates.''
How old are your
Sixteen last March"
WHO is the ruler of England?"
Queen Victoria.''
Who is the ruler of the United
States?'
President Mckinley"
How do Queens and Presidents ac-
quire power?'
Queens are born so, and Presidents git
there because they're smart"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

'My wife has the Gueerest IDEAS
What has she been doing now?" what
do you think? She thought it would be
real nice to raise canary bird, and so
'Well-and sop ''She went and planted
bird seed. "-Philad elphia Evening Bull
letin.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

A lawyer, having some papers to be
executed by an old Irishwoman, went to
her house one morning for her sigma
ture. On his arrival he requested her
to sign her name "here," indicating the
spot.
"Och,' said she, with a bland smile,
you sign it for me, for sure, since l lost
me glasses / can't write"
We'll, how do you spell your name,
Mrs. S.. %
Martha, DEAR" she cried, "come here
directly and shpell me name for the GIN
tleman, for sure, since / lost me teeth
can't shpell a word!'-Harper's Maya
zine
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

the front room. [ was in there just now.
and 1 could write my name on the mantel
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15
WELL EQUIPPED.

A little hat, little cape,
A little muff! Now, say,
Is not fair Mabel dressed to kill,
When she is dressed to sleigh!
Detroit Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Domestic-"Ah, mem, what thing it
do be to have an eddication!'-
Transcript.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

To clean white silk lace, soak it in
milk over night, and souse ia warm
soapsuds the next morning.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

A very active old gentleman who lives
in the southwestern part of the city is
noted in his neighborhood for his industry
in keeping his yard in fine condition. He
works hard all day in the city, but when
he returns from work he is always active
in helping with the work at home. He
is especially good to his wife, and he
helps her much in her household labors-
She appreciates his help, too, for the
work is done so willingly.
Not long ago the old gentleman was
helping at his house. He was doing
more than two hired people would do.
A neighbor happened by and saw him
busting about the kitchen. The neighbor'
remarked that he was model husband.
To this the man replied: "Well, l want
to be just as kind to my wife as [ can
When [ get to heaven | am going to hunt
up my first wife and beg her pardon for
not helping her more. '-Topeka State
Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Grandmamma-"Wha are you doing ia
the pantry, Tommy?' Tommy-"Oh,
I'm just putting a few things away,
gran'm ."-Tit-Bits
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

A few days ago the Inspector, in ex-
aiming a class of boys in one of the
public schools in Glasgow, was SO pleased
with the answers of one little boy to his
questions that he clapped him on the
head and said:
well done, little man, there is some
thing In your head
The little boy looked up earnestly and
said:
mo, sir; there is nothing in nv head:
my ma combed it out this morning"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Grocer-"You butchers have soft
snap. You weigh the bones. with the
meat and charge meat prices"
Butcher-'I don't see as you have any
call to talk. When you sell Swiss
cheese, don't you weigh the holes and
charge cheese prices for ?"-Boston
Transcript.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

There was a circus at Chanute a few
days ago, and an old farmer concluded
he would take his wife to it. He had
about SO in change in his pocket, and as
a matter of precaution, he took along n
revolver, knowing that he would not get
home until late al night. After the circus
was over the old farmer spied a ''sheil
game" and tried to beat it. In about ten
minutes he had lost $75. His wife was
present at the performance. She CON
Guided that the old man had got up
against regular swindling game" as
she termed it. and decided to help him
out. She took the revolver out of his
pocket and poked it under the nose Of
the operator of the shell game and coolly
told him to give back the old mans
money. The gambler handed it over,
and, turning to the old farmer, she said:
"Now, pa, We'll go home, and you can't
ever go to another circus as long as you
live" kansas City Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Of Honest Parents.-"My opponent -
shouted the orator. has seen fit to refer
to the fact that my mother took in wash
ing. She did, and what is more to the
point, she always sent it back" After
that, there was nothing to do but cast a
majority vote for the man whose parent
showed such evidence of perfect honesty
and attention to duty.-Indianap
Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Country distances are peculiar" said
Editor Littlejohn, of the Carter County
Ry.) Advocate, "and the road directions
which traveller receives up in the noun
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

''The train Numbered through the town
in silence says a Western writer. An
other declares that it sis indeed a thrill
ling sight to see a train thunder through
a town in silence and adds that Il Ger
tain railroad president is experimenting
with a thunder-silence device with srati-
flying success" Then follows this bit of
excellent fooling: "Job Cogswell, the
well-known and handsome old locomotive
engineer, says it has befallen the lot of
few of his craft to see train laundering
ia silence. In the first place, Bob says,
few roads can afford to equip their en-
gines with the thunder-silence apparatus,
as it costs like sixty. When the appara-
tus is decreased in cost it is the purpose
of all roads to have one on every train. !"
Boston Transcript.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15
IDEAL GRANDMOTHER.
(Ses Women Who Know the Laws of Nature and Obey
; Them May Live to Green Old Age

Mrs Pinkham Says When We Violate Natures Lows
Our Punishment Is Pain---f We Continue
to Neglect the Warning We Die.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-12-15

Chipper-"I suppose you know that
has started a new cafe Oh the
corner2"
Iipper-"No; 1 hadn't heard of it."
ChippeI-"Well. he has; he calls it the
Counterfeit,
Lipper-"The Counterfeit?"
Chipper-"Yes; hard to pass, you
know.''-Richmond Dispatch.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
Stood or Eighteen Men.

The proprietor of turpentina farm
nea: Damascus, Ca, has had serious
trouble because gamblers have come
among the hands and kept them away
from work. All of last week large
portion Of the employees failed to re-
port, and, as the distillery was short Of
hands, the woods rider, John Haddock,
took a journey into the forest to Try
to find the absentees. The duty of the
woods rider is to patrol the forest on
horseback and report on the condition
of affairs. Haddock stumbled acros 9
eighteen of the truants seated under
the shade of giant oak and engaged
in gambling. He asked why they bad
not made an appearance at the works.
Resenting his interference, the entire
party swooped down on him. He
backed his horse against tree, and,
drawing his revolver. shot into the
crowd with such good effect that seven
were wounded, four, it is thought, NOR
tally. The others became demoralized,
and retreated in disorder Haddock
then returned to the distillery and re-
ported the affair, returning to the scene
with a relief party to attend to and
bring in the wounded. The proprietor
fear no more trouble from crap shoot
erS
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29

He astounded the officials of the PEN
sion bureau recently by sending back
his certificate and $3.50 in back pen
sions which had been paid to him.
Geare carried musket in the war OF
the Rebellion and became afflicted with
rheumatism owing to exposure. After
leaving the army he grew worse, and
applied for a pension. At first he was
given Sc a month, and this was after
ward increased to $40. He drew his
pension for a time, but as he recovered
from his trouble he began to take care
OF himself, and neglected to apply for
the money when it came due. OF late
his term Of nonapplication approached
it's end, and had he not appeared his
name would have been scratched from
the list. But Geare turned up on the
very last day at the pension office in
Indianapolis and received his arrears.
AS his disability had now totally dis
appeared he felt that he was no longer
entitled to the pension, and accordingly
returned the money and the certificate
to Washington. Mr.. Geare is a quiet,
unassuming man of fifty-seven, with
silver-gray beard and hair, is well-to-
do, and has family Of four interesting
sons
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
INTELLECTUAL ELEPHANT.
Toby Pulled on the Professors Hair
Recognized the Wig.

The youthful elephant Toby is now
the lion" of the Jardin dAcclimation.
There are all sorts Of reasons for lion
izing him, says Paris correspondent
of the London News. He is a recent
gift Of the Emperor Menelik. He
comes, as that emperor says, from
part of Africa where elephants are phe-
nomenal in their sagacity, and he is
playful and fond Of practical jokes.
Toby Is fond Of cakes and rice. He
likes children and gay people, but he
objects to savants of grave aspect. Has
he noticed that they do not bring
cakes in their pockets? A party of con-
gressionists now in Paris were greatly
amused by his tricks today. Toby
singled out one of them, whipped of
his hat and walked round the inclos-
ure waving it triumphantly. Then he
came back and set it on the owners
head again, but he took off his spec
tacles and seemed puzzled what to do
with them. After looking at them
attentively he restored them to the
owner. But this time he took off the
hat again, dropped it on the ground
and seized the somewhat singular head
of hair of the learned congressional
and pulled it off, for it was artificial.
1t is expected that after this feat Toby
will make the fortune of the Paris zoo.
He must be very shrewd baby to have
noticed the difference between wig
and homegrown hair.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
Two Hours. slssn At Night.

According to Max Muller, Humboldt
went Edison one better in his seorn for
Sleep Muller, in his series of recol-
lections of famous personages, says:
Humboldt went on to say how busy
he was with his 'Kosmos,' and how he
could no longer work SO many hours
as in former years. AS get DID, he
said, I want more sleep-four hours
at least When I was young he con-
tinued, '.wo hours of sleep were quite
enough for me- ! ventured to express
my doubts. apologizing for differing
from him on any physiological fact.
Tt is quite mistake he said. though
it is very widely spread. that We want
seven or eight hours of sleep. When
/ was your age I simply lay down
on the sofa. turned down my lamp. and
after two hours sleep was as fresh
as ever" liaf ttn
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
Confirmed.

sas pioneer and former railroad man.
He was in the traffic department OF the
Michigan Central and the Kansas Pa
cific NOW the Kansas branch OF the
Union Pacific) He built the first mouse
south of the Arkansas river in Kan
sas. He was friend of Gen. Fremont
and accompanied him on several tours.
For two decades his health has COM
PEELED a farm life, and he has amply
succeeded on his home claim near
Wichita, Kan. His leisure has been
devoted to study of crop conditions and
his articles have appeared in leading
reviews of this country and England.
In the October Forum he sums up the
present outlook for an Impending De-
ficiency of Breadstuffs" thus: when
we reflect that, although the worlds
output of wheat in 1897 is several hun
dred million bushels less than require
ments, acre yields have been but little
yield from the acres now employed
would be 275,O0O,O00 bushels less than
present needs; that the greatest crop
ever grown would not equal present re-
quirements; that requirements for
wheat and rye progressively increase
year after year, by more than 10000, 600
bushels; and not an acre has been add
ed to the aggregate of the worlds
bread-bearing area since 1884; that not
in a single year since 1880 have addi-
tions to the acreage equaled the years
increased needs; that but for an over
average production Of wheat and rye
aggregating more than 100000, 600
bushels since 1881, and extraordinary
exports from Russia of more than l.
00,000,0 900 bushels-because of declin-
ing unit consumption in Russia-the
supplies of the importing nations would
have aggregated some 100000, 600
bushels less in the last sixteen years;
hat the world can expect no better
than average acre yields, no matter
what it's necessities; that not even
when the great valleys of North Amer
Ca were being developed did annual
additions of bread bearing acres exceed
!wo-thirds present increase of annual
requirements; and that an acreage
deficit exists equal to the supply of IS
many 'bread-eaters' as have been add
ID to the worlds population in the last
Twelve years, we can begin to under
stand the present situation. We can
also realize the nature Of the task be-
.ore the world in an effort to eliminate
IN enormous area deticit-which means
hat, simply to meet each years in
:reasing requirements, it must annual
" add one-half more acres than ever
beforehand what is likely to be the
situation respecting supply and de-
nand, if the world should, as is by no
ueans improbable, again harvest in
uccession three such crops as those of
S79, 1880 and 1SS1-crops which gave
ere yields materially below that which
low results in a deficit of one-fifth, or
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
To Illuminate tho city Han.

The Chicago City Hall is to be IL
Illuminated by new splndor. The
scrub woman, janitors and elevator
men are to wear uniforms of much
beauty. The scrubwomen will wear
blue gowns, white aprons, and dainty
caps" costume which cannot fail to
make them look better and to impress
and crafty all visitors to the City
Hall. The janitors will don blue
blouses and black caps, a raiment
scarcely suitable to their employment.
They should have blue swallowtail
coats, with brass buttons. blue velvet
small clothes, white silk stockings, and
buckled shoes, and their sublime heads
should be rooted with cooked hats A
blouse is too civilian and plebian for a
janitor of the Chicago City Hall. The
elevator men are to have "blue coat,
trimmed with gold braid and brass but
tons. and a white cap" A most eff
fective costume. The mere sight Of It
will be encouraging to the elevator and
will at the same time humble the pas
senger. Still, the elevator men in blne
ought to be provided with trumpets.
Then they could call the various floors
with dignity and sorority. -Nse York
Sun.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
How's This!

We offer One Hundred Dollars reward
for any case of CHtarrh that cannot Do
cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
+. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.:
We, the undersigned, have known II.
j. Cheney for the last 10 years. and believe
transactions and financially able to carry
out any obligations made by their firm
West & Truax Wholesale Druggists,
Toledo, o.; Walding, Kinnan & Marvin,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and .mu-
cous surfaces of the system: Testimo.
malls sent free. Price 75c per bottle. Sold
by all druggists
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
Tours In the Rocky AIountains.

The 'Scenic Line of the World" the
Denver & Rio Grande Railroad, offers to
tourists in Colorado, Utah and New Mex
leo the choicest resorts, and to the trans
continental traveller the grandest scenery.
Two separate and distinct routes through
the Rocky Mountains, all through tickets
available via either. The direct line to
Cripple Creek, the greatest Gold Camp on
earth. Double daily train service with
through Pullman sleepers and tourists cars
between Denver to San Francisco.
The best line to Utah, Idaho, Montana
Oregon and Washington via the Ogden
Gateway"
Write S. X. Hooper, G. P. & T. A., Den
yer, Colorado, for illustrated descriptive
pamphlets.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
$1,000 Given Away.

Think of it! One thousand dollars
in gold coin offered free by the Sterling
Remedy Company, to the friends and
endorsers of Cascarets Candy Cathar-
tic. The Sterling is honest and re-
liable, it's offer is liberal and attrac-
tive and Cascarets are the best medi-
cine preparation ever discovered. Don't
miss your share of the gold, for you
can easily get it by reading and an
swering the big ad in this issue.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29

A New York woman with excellent
intentions, but infirm Judgment, re-
Gently decided small farm-all the
property she owned in the world-to
church society that is preparing to
erect 100000 edifice. OF course the
preacher accepted it.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
Wake I'm

Yes wake up to the danger which threatens
you if your kidneys and bladder are inactive OF
weak Don't you know that if you fail to impel
them to action. Brights disease or diabetes
awaits youP Use Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
without delay. 1t has most beneficial effect
upon the kidneys when sluggish, and upon the
bowels liver, stomach and nervous system
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29

1t was Georgia Justice of the Peace
who observed that he was not qualified
to try horse-thief who was brought
before him, as the horse stolen belong
ed to him, but he added, while the bail
if was trying the thief: II will be
stretching the rope and locating a
tree.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
HE SAW THE FAMINE.
c. WOOD DAVIS AND HIS CROP
PREDICTIONS.
Long Ago He Predicted That There
Would BE Dollar Wheat In 1907
The Decrease in Aoreage-His Theories
Confirmed.

WOOD Davis, who,
a few years ago, at
tracted much at
tention as a statis-
tician of bread
stuffs, is a g a l n
prominent by rea-
son of the high
prices Of wheat,
which fulfill to a
degree his predic-
tions. He Is a Kan
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29

A st. Louis girl and boy, aged res
pectively l6 and 10 have left their
home because kind friend took the
pains to inform them that the woman
who has tenderly cared for their COM
fort since their infancy is their STEP
mother.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29
Read the Advertisement

You will enjoy this publication much
better if you will get into the habit OF
reading the advertisements; they will
afford most interesting study and
will put you in the way OF getting
some excellent bargains. Our adyer-
Users are reliable, they send what they
advertise,
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29

Edouard De Reszlse tells an inter-
viewer that nothing in America sur
prised him so much as the objection to
having American girls marry tilted
foreigners merely because the for
eigners do not work. He fails to see
why there should be any insistence on
work for its own sake, when there is
plenty of money without it.
The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-29

Eleven Connecticut towns which
have been dry" voted last week to
have licensed saloons. There are eigh-
ty-six dry and eighty-two wet towns
in the state.