Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-06-12
lkl!!|||Ii;l|ssjg!lk

Young Flaywright-"And what did
you think Of my climaxi" Criticize
was very welcome. Brooklyn Life.
She snored. does your wife
Sleep" asked the doctor OF the man
whose better half was under Ibis care.
Orally" said the nan. Truth.
Good canvasback ducks. said Riv.
Crs. ARE quoted. I see. at SO apiece.
How true II is that riches have WINGS"
Chicago Tribune.
Margaret always reads the end Of .
novel first" "why?" 80 she can lie
awake at might. wondering how 1t be-
gan,"-Chlcago Record. -r~aa'
'~"ra, what Il a pcs.iuisiw "a pes.l.
mist. my son. Is person who never
gccs out Oh his wheel without expecting
to puncture his lre."-Puck.
Mrs. Palnter-"My husband is de-
lighted with my pictures" Mrs. Point.
S-"fou don't say? Don't they look
like youT'-ionkers Statesman.
"Not every man Is made fool Of"
remarked the observer Of men and
things. but every man has the raw
material in him."-Detro.t Journal.
THE decree" announced the messcn.
ger OF Jupiter. lis that you shall be
bound forever TO the wheel!'' "w-which
maker asked lxion. anxiously.-Puck.
Police Maglstrate--"Havc you ever
seen the prisoner ut the barr" wit.
ness-"Never. your honor: but I've seen
him when strongly suspected he'd
been ut it."--Tit.Bits.
labs.ey-"Did you ever make a mis-
take In the dark and kiss the wrong
g.rl:" Mudge-"No. have got mixed
in the dark and kissed some other girl"
indianapolis Journal.
"Some men," said Uncle Eben. kin
train or dog ter do anything dey tells
i'm. an at de same time raise de mos
disobejintest chillun In de neighbour.
hood. "-Washington Star.
"Dah ain much use O. sufYerin' In 81.
lence." said Uncle Eben: seems like II
dis WORT picks out anybody fob 'er vic.
tim. IL ain gwinter TO be satcrfed till
lie hollers. "-Washington Star.
"And the divorce laws are 80 very
liberal Ia your section?" "I.iberal7
Say. They are SO liberal that nobody
ever heard Of woman crying at wed.
ding out cre."-Detroit Journal.
MY dear. II you took that face
abroad you might have trouble In get.
ting 1t home again" "What do YOU
mean!" II mean the tariff on art, my
Iove."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Apprehension: The Profcssor--"As .
matter OF fact, there are different dia.
lects In different parts OF Scotland"
Friend-"Great Scott! Are there more
counties TO hear fromT'-Truth.
Mrs. Spatt-"Your husband Is an In.
Some OF his excuses for coming home
late at night are In use all over the
CONGRATULATIONS North Ameri'
can.
FRS. Burglar-Lord. Bill! dis adver.
tisement wouldn't fool nobody. Second
Burglar-wot IL II First Burglnr-Fif.
~ dollars reward an no questions ass
signed by q woman.-Leslle's Week
~.
.Erisbie Is the LATEST man ever
knew" "What makes You think soT''
He actually seems to be glad that
he's getting baidheaded. 60 that be
won't have to comb his hair any more"
Cleveland Leader.
"Might I ask, what school Of poetry
you PREFER" inquired the young man
who writes. And the old gentleman
replied: "rhe homeopathic school
The smaller the dose. the better II suitl
me."-Washington Star.
Pease-I suppose you've learned
great deal about gardening since you've
lived In the country? Hubbard-Yes
I'm picking up something all the time
This year I've given up trying to raise
my own vegetables.-Puck.
How did they stop the elopemeutT
asked Maud. by detestable piece Of
trickery," replied Mamie; "her fathsl
put his head out Of the window and
shouted that her hat was on crooked
and when she grabbed for II she upss'
the tandem. "--Washington Star.
"Why do you do up your hair In thos<
papers, dear" remarked General Wey
Ter OF his wife. a. she came down 4
breakfast In the Cuban clearinghouse
"Why. that's the way you do the enc
my up, II It not. dearT replied the gen
erals spouse. Statesman.
Once upon time two Cows recl!net
peacefully beneath tree. "Oh. b!
the way" one OF the Cows remarked
casually, "why was II, II ! may ask
that you didn't chase those golfers yes
terdayT "Oh. ! don't care to be thu
cause OF little calves being made to sui
fer."-De,rOit Free Press.
flow long is 1t going to take to &c
through with this case:" asked the ell
ent. who was under suspicion OF house
breaking. SWELL" replied the younl
lawyer, thoughtfully, eth take m
about two weeks to get through wit
IL. but I'm afraid It's going to take yo
about four ears."-Washington Star
Browner-So you haven't a bicycle
Miss Mere? Miss Neere-No, ! look
cd at one the other day, but there wa
something about 1t ! didn't like an
the man wouldn't alter II, SO ! didn'
get IL. Browner-They generally max
any alterations required. What was
you wanted altered? Miss Neere-Th
price.-Judy.
1T seems to me that you can be d.
pended on 10 say the wrong thing NOR
than any other man that ] know.
sIn.