Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-06-13

about the time the boy declines the third
help of tapioca pudding. Later on, When
the youth has q good, tearng-down row
with the girl in question, the FOND parent
is greatly relieved. AT this Juncture the
boy declines pie altogether But lew
weeks heal the sore. aud another nald
being found, tho mother discovers a Sc
cond lass TO dislike. This lass also REJECTS
the youth, whose hands and feet are as
dlsportionate 10 his figure as are the
paws Of a puppy to the body OF the IN
cipient canine. Now the ex-boy begins 10
get some sense, and with his strengthened
intellect he gets another girl. Finally he
selects a woman whom his mother doesn
regard as half good enough for him, ana
then he marries The tadpole now gets
TO be a frog. and begins 10 croak about
the heavy taxes and the expenses OF
married life. \ few years later his
stomach cannot stand pie at all. and ne
wonders why his dear old mother still
persists in showing it at him. BY and
by the good lady, who has been getting
ssdder and sadder every year, finds her
self recompensed by the advent OF other
little tadpoles-tadpoles that are the on
spring of the boy who used 10 torment
the cats Then il is time for the new
generation OF felines 20 look out.
The only times when I wish I were up
I'm balloon are those occasions when
| feel the approach of earthquakes, and
realize that all the corner-Iots from
Richmond to Atlanta are shaking beneath
my feet. The helmsman-or, rather, the
helmswoman-who guides our ship over
the troublous matrimonial seas, has
a supreme contempt for my courage and
on ordinary occasions she would spurn
any suggestion OF my bravery, but wnen
an earthquake drops in on the family she
clings to me as If l were a dime-novei
hero. At such times | feel myself ut
terly incompetent to meet the exigencies
of the case, but in reality IL is comfort
to me, in my hour OF terror. 10 have
some one equally as much frightened as
myself. A man thinks that II is his duty
10 be brave in the presence of his wife.
and on momentous occasions TO rush into
suicide with the same nonchalance with
which he would leap into bath-tub,
hut when this diabollcal trembling or
the earth occurs tits hard TO tell whittier
10 rush. You know that IL you placidly
invite your wife into the street YOU are
liable TO be swallowed up, whereas, II you
remain in the house the chances are
that thousand OF loose brick WIN come
in contact with your head, and possibly
get Clipped in their transit. IL Is very
hard to be witty in the face or such pos
sible emergencies. or even 10 make
remark which does not afterwards I'M
press you as having been positively
asinine. You generally get out OF your
difficulty by swearing that ii is only the
children shaking the house. ana mat
women have so many absurd fears. You
discreetly kept quiet about your own APP
prehensions, however, for silence Is OFTEN
a valuable cloak in cases OF emergency.
Finally, when the old ball OF mud ana
water ceases her pirouetting. your courage
returns, and you scoN at your spouse ana
rdlcule her tlmidity. You sneak down
stairs TO your front porch to see what
your neghbors are doing, ana you lisht
your pipe as IL all the world were as
serene as possible. Not for gold would
you say earthquake" to human being.
for you know that II there has been a
false alarm you would make fool OF
yourself, and. moreover. 1t Is always wen
10 be Indifferent about such things