The Black Hills union. [volume] (Rapid City, Pennington County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1889-1904, 1897-04-02

' SSASS' #fs..
No, thank you-nurse. I am all
right. l was just thinking how-how
quiet and nice It was here. What time
is it? Nighttime, surely??"
1T is early morning. nearly 3
o'clock. You will hear the sparrows
awake soon. and begin to chirp and
chatter in the trees beneath your win
dow. Will You drink this medicine
now?"
He smiled. Yes, if you like: but the
knowledge has come to me that medi-
cine is no good. don't suppose l shall
live long. l don't want to live. l have
nothing to live for. My ideals l have
found only ideals; my dreams will come
to nothing. | only want to- seem to
want to make my peace, to come to an
understanding with some one or some
thing"
Hush! you must not talk. There,
l will make your pillow comfortable,
and smooth your sheet"
Il must talk, Nurse; | will talk. Do
you know | have been awake a long
time? have been lying looking at you.
l was wondering if, and hoping you
were, pretty. | am so glad you are.
| used to think, / believe | still think.
that beautiful women have beautiful
minds"
Hush! you must not talk; you will
grow excited"
"Nurse-you know l cannot live
long? Well, let me be happy"-he gave
a sort of sob-laugh--'be happy for a
few minutes; let me talk just for once.
| have been silent all my life, I have
thought all my life. never found any
one to talk ~to-except Ruby, and she
ran away with another man: that
was because | was DOR. Bring owe
your chair and sit beside me. All! that
is right; l am glad you are kind and I'M
derstand me. suppose you know how I
first became i'll. and my quarrel with
my relatives. Of course, it is my own
fault: ought not to have been different
to my brothers. You see, | was a bit Of
a dreamer; read too many books when
a boy. and preferred painting pictures
to studying law, and writing stories to
sitting in a London office. | dreamed a
good deal, and l never went about town
like my brothers did. I don't know
why | did not. My sisters noticed it.
They We're jolly girls, kind-hearted,
and that sort Of thing; but they didn't
care for my taciturn. quiet ways. If
M brothers came home late from a
fellows rooms they used to let them
in n help them to their rooms and
say nothing about it. They thought
it rather good sport, and were annoyed
with me because l didn't ever stop out
late, or get mixed up in a row, or drink
too much.
Il never found any one who took an
interest in things 1 liked, Because !
wouldn't go into the law or medicine or
banking, / was kicked out from home.
Give me something to drink, Nurse.
This doesn't tire you? l am glad. ]
wanted to tell some one why l failed
and all that. before I died, and you
seem-Well, I thought I could work and
live with my pen, and keep my dreams
and ideals to myself. By God, Nurse, ]
tried! | tried hard. l had money al
first. Life seemed gay and jolly. Blu
kept straight. That was one of my
ideals. because | felt sorry--I sort Of
felt all women were sacred. and unless
l loved one-so I kept straight.
But a London lodging is not inspir-
ing. | began to long for my books
and flowers, and my comfortable room:
began to long to see my brothers and
sisters faces. ! asked if l might come
home and work in my old rooms. / re-
ceived no answer. I got depressed. My
ideals got mixed. Nothing seemed real
except vice.
Zone night ! got drunk with the
lights and the noise of London.