Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-01-11
They say that when Congress meets

but tney never can overlook that.
Washington Post.
81 do not believe that / have a true
friend in the world" $50 you have
been trying to borrow money, too, have
you|-Truth.
"Madge, why do you always buy
your books at dry goods store?" "Be-
cause-it doesn't give me such a shock
when the clerks know nothing about
them."-Puck.
Unmarried Sister-Do you think
Jacks yacht will be becalmed? Mar
ried Sister-I could tell you better IL
1 knew that women were on board, my
dear.-Pick-Me-Up
what would you do, dear, if were
to die?" asked Mrs. barley, fondly. 81
don't know" replied barley, thought
fully; (which is your choice, burial or
cremationY'-Judge
81 really think that the bike was the
cause Of MacNab marrying Miss
Smithers" "That's odd" Not at all.
You see, they were thrown so much in
each others ociety."-Judge.
His Way of Putting It's there
one fountain pen better than another?'
"Well, no; should say, however, that
there are a good many fountain pens
worse than others. Chicago Record.
He pined upon his overcoat-
That sneering Johnny Power
A big chrysanthemum and said:
"That's what l cauliflower."
Chicago Tribune.
81 wonder if that diamond Nudge
has is of the first water?" 81 doubt it.
1t has been soaked so many times that
it must be of the tenth or eleventh
water by this time. e."-Indianapolis
Journal.
"See here, waiter! Those eggs are
not cooked properly" Il know it, sir;
but you said they were for your wife,
and [ knew If the lady was your wife
she couldn't be very particular. ."-Yon-
kers Statesman.
"All l ask" said the man with the
business CLINT in his eye, is that they
will give me plenty of rope" Then it
was that they recognized him as
manufacturer of campaign CIGARS
indianapolis Journal.
"See how clean of snow Browns
sidewalk is and look at Jacobson's,
next door," "Yes, but you don't I'M
derstand." "What?" II saw Brown
borrow Jacobson's snow shovel two
hours ago."-Chicago Record.
Mr.. Henpect (anxiously)-Can !
bring proceedings in court, Mr. Black
stone, to set aside my wife's will?
Lawyer-Why, your wife isn't dead,
man, is she? Mr. Henpect-No; that's
Just the trouble.-Somerville Journal.
Mrs. Snaggs (who was school teach
er before her marriage)-The scientific
name of the turkey is Meleagris Gal
lopavo. Mr.. Snaggs-We will abbre-
yiate that name to "Dennis" for the
time being.-Pittsbur Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
Father" said the small boy, "what
makes piano players wear their hair
long?" Don't bother me, Johnny"
But, father, l wish to know" "Oh-
it's so the public won't be able to see
how much their heads have swelled."
Washington Star.
Mrs. Lightly-You used to call me
"dear" before marriage, you never do
now. Mr.. Lightly-Before l married
you 1 thought you dear; now l know
you are dear, very, very dear, more
dear to my purse than my heart.-To
Date.
Youth with incipient beard)-I want
a bottle Of face lotion. Druggist-Do
you want something to use after shay
ing? Youth (confidentially)-No! You
see I'm raising a beard, and l want
the face lotion for my fiancee.-Phila-
delphia Record.
"What on earth have you been do
ing, my chlld?" exclaimed Fannies
mother as the little girl came into the
room with her hair all awry and her
dress torn in dozen places. "Play-
in shoppin', ma'am!" was the reply
Yonkers Statesman.
81 was much interested" remarked
the young lady cannibal sin what our
missionary told us to-day about the
burning of the early Christians" "Ah,
yes," rejoned her steady company.
"they must have had pretty bum cooks
In those days" Detroit Tribune.
"You are worth your weight in gold
to me, darling!' he murmured. "Then
do go home early, George, dear" she
replied, wearily. 1--WE lost ten pounds
since we became engaged, just sit
ting up with you. We can't afford such
extravaganza. ."-Harpers Bazaar.
Lad of 10-I say, pa, what is the
meaning of these numbers at the bot
tom of every picture? Look at this
one: Shakespeare, 153. Perplexed Fa-
ther (who has never been in a gallery
before)-OLah!-I expect that Is his
telephone number. - Humoristische
Blaetter.
81 love to hear you talk, my DEAR"
said Mr.. Bickers to his wife, when she
paused to take breath at the end of