New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-07-27
THE TALK or THE DAY.

Senator Clay, of Georgia, IN sPe"h'e
votermelons grown in his state ana oi ."e 80
monv known as watermelon cutting saio'
are more melons cut and eaten OH d s'"s'
than Won would see In Washington In month
On,, yvc do not eat the melon down to the rihu
we take out the Juicy, seedless heart ana ,he"' III
our extravaganza we throw the rest away
WEALTH who employ ladies' maids to give mem EN-
foreign or o names o sbess maids after leaving
domestic s aTtI' to her friends: Well thank heaven
qm PLAIN a Ms Ann s aEi Mary Ann wouldn't do
NJ all: she called II owtray. or something nu and,c
and said mTIt e sound pretty for calling
have been Lucia for a year ana nan. -'O"'-
cago Times-Herald
"a professor at one Of our universities says
"The Christian Work." us the subject OF a queer
arecdote Last winter he was married ard went
10 housekeeping outside town. This spring he
thought he would add a few hens to his stock; ne
always had a dog. He set couple or mems a"u ~
good time had two large broods OF CHICKENS ne
was very proud of them, but In week or SO Tue
fowls began to die. The professor caiIed III
reiohbor 10 look at the chickens and ofrer ADVICE
they were certainly a dlapidated lot OF chickens
that the neighbor viewed They were thih' "ii"
apparently without ambition.
".What do you feed them? asked the neighoor
after a brief survey.
be didn't hear right Why, don't feed them any
thing. | thought the Ola neDS Ia" ''0'e"
them
certain old soldier Of the triangle c0snf 9 char
liable institutions because he claims 10 mani nvinS
g0o4n ss reseTbng potato with mos
quito-bar dpnet, gives them mihu L Io saws
not snowfr ried hugs are equal to Spanish flies in
drawing blsters and answer an OhrI p that he
an sell his blister drawers for half what Spanish
flies cost for the reason that ne needn pay t aag
i aid. '"'''' ''' "'' ~
..,rh t,ost does not know" SAYS 1.-The Denver Re-
nubIican" "and will not believe that Colorado Is
a god-produclng State. except In a moderate way
Above all 1t does not know that 1t VIII surpass
California this year, and that In the course vi
few wears it will go ahead Of the Rand district IN
South Africa People are ready enough to believe
stories of the discovery Of almost fabulous wealth.
in the Yukon Valley, but they turn deaf ear to
the statement that Colorado is one OF the greatest
gold regions in the world
Collector-Is Mr.. sowpay IN?
Landlady-No, sir. 49, -
II allied five weeks ago. and you said he had gone
to Long Branch for month HASN'T ne got pach
YETI
Then where Is he? $500 ,,,,
In the poorhouse. "-(Pittsburg Chronicle.
According to THE Kansas City Journal, Kan
sas farmer who could not get harvest hands put
this sign his fence: Harvest hands wanted
Hired girl blonde and genial Cabinet organ music
In the evening. Pie three times day. Three
spoonfuls OF sugar with every cup OF coffee Ham
mocks featherbeds leather divans at your OPP
ton for sleeping. Rising hour o'clock in the
morning Three hours rest at noon. Come one.
come all"
TO THE BICYCILsT BENDING FORWARD.
O youth. who bending forward rides apace
With melancholy stamped upon your race
Yet mocked bv her however fast you fly,
Are you aware how horrible you look?
No guy invented for Il picture book
Lord of the bent back and the anxious brow
Oh. sit mp straight and try to wear a smile;
BE less intent to pile up pm mile i,;,, on nile mile;
The trees the sunshine, and the robins song.
To us who view you scorching day by day,
Bent on your bar in such m awkward way,
You are the homeliest thing earth. my lad
oh. sit no straight and make the landscape glad
Robert Grant IN fiarper's Weekly
This H. composition on temperance written by
a little Georgia girl: Temperance is more better
than vhiskey. Whlskey IS 10 cents drink. and
lots OF IT, My pa drinks whsley. lie has been full
lS times. one night he came home late. and my
ma went out and cut some hckorles and waoped
him good. Then she ducked his head in tub of
soapsuds and locked him up In the barn. And the
next morning my pa said he reckon he'd swear on"
What do you thing of 1'esa's scheme Of ele-
That's nothing new my wife has kicked my
shns under the table for twenty years. "-(Chicago
Record
\ North German spouse sought release from a
brute OF husband because he advised her TO 20
to the masquerade as captive balloon. with a
string tied around her ankle In Idaho OF late a
wife of that region sought "A bill OF enforcement
count In her indictment being that her husband
smoked a pipe In their bedroom In his demurrer
he declared that he smoked only the best tobacco
that his wife knew he smoked when he married
her. and might nationally have expected the oc-
caslonal fumigation OF their dormtory lie de-
clared also that he habtuslly smoked on the door
step, except when 1t rained and that his wife OBJ
Iected to his going 10 the saloon when II did: as
his smoking in the parlor. he averred that he
tried IT once In his early conJugal days and had
no inclination 10 repeat the experiment. He was
therefore forced TO take occasional refuge In the
bedroom. but generally smoked out OF the window.
as loving and consderate husband should do.
No statute was found In the Idaho Codex covering
the case. which the Judg. advised them TO settle
OF court ON "A basis OF mutual tolerance and
Cancellation.
Il am sorry, count but papa says he'd rather
see me- dead than married 10 YOU.
"1nde-e-ed, Your fathaire Is evidentlee an-what
| you call-an econom.cale persone He knows re
funeral cost not 40 much AS re wedding "-(Pitts-
| burg Chronicle.