Santa Fe daily New Mexican., 1897-12-22
SILAS HUMBLE.

Of trick hog an sellin a cure for sun
strokes an frost bites. When we had greet
ed each other with that cordiality which
is allus obsaryed among the profeshun, he
winEs at me an sez:
GA combination of mishunary an show
bizness wouldn't be bad. A trick hog an
panoramy would bring out all classes,
sayin nuthin Of the other curiosities.
Art thy object the elevashun of man
kind?' sez l.
"Not so much as to ketch suckers" sez
he with cheerful frankness.
~ wish thee WE'LL but hogs do hot ele-
vate. | will continue my labors single
handed"
His language to me as driy onward
was not tinctured with respect, an / was
grievin over the fact when met up with
a number of men on hossback. They stop
ped an looked me over, an one of them
soothingly sez:
"Feller critter, the man we was expectin
to hang today has gone dead an we are
lookin fur sumbody to take his place. Hast
any objections?'
''A few" sez I. "If l was tooken away
tina would be nobody to run my panoramy
of the Holy Land, which is billed to show
tomorrer night in Busted Hopes I'm
shown that panoramy fur the moral ele-
vashun Of my feller men,"
but we've got to hev somebody" he
sez as all looks disappointed.
"Then gallop on an overtake the feller
in the one hoss wagin,' sez l. "Hcs got
"a show, but it amt an eleyatin show. No
body who wanted to make mankind better
would be shown trick hog
"That's true, +" sez he, an away goes the
gang.
think they overlook the man an over
ruled his objectiofs if he had any.
Bein as we was both in the show biz
ness felt fraternal feelin fur him, an
yit Snowman who is actuated by sordid
motives alone should not be allowed to
live out his career. When driv' onward
ag in, found myself sayin sich sayins as
"Varchew is its own reward, y
Integrity never skips u cog.
Be upright an you won't be hung
"True modesty allus gives the other fell
Ter the fust chance"
/ hev agn added to the coleckshun,
maxim up my grand aggregashun of dead
an liyin wonders an call attcnshun as fol
lers;
| One stuff owl i'll placid repose (dcad).
One stuff prairie dog in ditto (dcad).
One Oklahoma hornet (aliye).
The hornet and IA bumblebee hev bin
| placed in the same cage together, an the
inherent amusement they will git out Of
| tacklin each other will please an interest
| the tender hearted children.
| Before my show opened at Busted Hopes
Al, f,,. i,cr
hisself that there was nuthin to degrade
the morals of the community. He found
nuthin, an he growed brothcrly an slapped
me on the back an winked his eye an sez !:
"The h ar of the dog is food fur his bite. y
GAS to which dog?" sez I.
GAS to any dog, sez he, with another
wink.
Then pondered an reflected an brune
out the gallon jug in which keep liquid
to ward off sunstrokes an cyclones. II
was what he most desired, an he dallied
lorg an uttered sighs of satisfaction
When he could daily no longer, he put
down the Jug an said:
"But fur the clouds Of today we would
not appreciate the sunshine of tomorrer. y
"An but fur advarsity we would moi
know happiness, sez l.
| ''If natur' had made bobtailed coons
| thar would hev bin, no rabbits, Z" sez he.
An we winked an laughed an poket
each other.
Prev'us to the openin Of the show
] made pathetic speech regardin my live1
regulator, an the sales footed up 20 bottles
I was keerful to recommend it fur the liy
er only, an sch persons as bought it tt
cure consumption did so at their own risl
an must not hold me responsible l hat
skassly begun to unwind my panoramy al
start on my interestin lectur' when crit
ter rose up in the cultivated audience al
| seZ:
stranger, mought I ak you question
without fear of bein shot at?"
aye mought," sez I.
"Then 1 would like to know yer objecl
in shown this showP"
"To boost up an elevate the moral stand
in of all human critters, sez l.
"Then it's sort of mishunary work.
sez he.
"She be. The small charge fur admish
i'm is only to buy hoss feed an postage
stamps"
"That teches my heart, J" sez he "I'v'
bin feelin wave of goodness wavin ovel
me ever since read your signs on the out
side Of the tent, an now my emoshuns hey
filled my eyes with tears F"
An as went ahead his tears fell, an HI
wept an the mayor bimeby got up al
said he'd passed through some tryin scene:
in his life, but nuthin like this had evel
softened him up so much before. BY thu
time showed the pictur' of Noah loadir
up his ark half the people were in tears
an was so affected myself that my voic'
almost failed me. Things was goin beau
tifully when an ole kuss riz up on one o
the back seats an yells:
"Iain't seein no mewl in that perceshur
an want ye to gin him show"
"The nevis back thar behind tht
camels, /" sez l.
"Mebbe he az an mebbe he's bin left tt
drown" SCI be- "If he's thar, trot hin
in ahead of the camel If he's bin throwet
down on account of his ears, I'm fur rails
in row right off. I"
! tried to soothe him, an the mayol
wanted TO be brotherly, but he was sot il
his ways an had to be flung out. Thi
brung on free fight, an busted up th'
show, but escaped all damage an fell tt
say sich sayin's as:
Prosperity an varhew allus roost OF
the same limb :"
Integrity takes in $l7 cash at the doo
while vice is chucked out Of u hole In th'
canvas. {"
III Noah didn't know his bizness, th'
undersigned at least knows his.
An packed up an fitted, an as fit m.
conscience was hilarious an my soul q
peace SILAS HUMBLE,
| Ganaral ShnM man and Philosnnher