Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-05-06
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| She-"What do you think of the way
I speak German He-"Oh, 1t beats
the Dutch."-Yonkers Statesman.
Cynic--I can't see why a man who Is
happy when single should ever mar
ry. Friend-He never does.-Puck.
HAS DIR. Nansen any social stand
ingT Dear me. yes. He moves In
the highest circles. New York Sun.
He-You girls seem to be awfully
fond Of sweets. She--And you men
seem to be awfully fond of sours.-Cor-
nell Widow.
Stern father-I hear you were out
gambling last night. Is 1t true? Gay
youth-No, sir; was ahead.-New
York Journal.
Beggar-Please, sir, I'm so exhausted
can't get my breath and Gentle
man-Hcre's five cents; go and buy
one.-Harlem Life.
Mr.. New Hub-What does 1t mean
when a bride promises to obey? Mrs.
New Hub-Simply that she prefers not
to make a scene.-Puck.
The doctor-It's twins, sir. Young
husband-I might have known 1t; it's
my wife's theory that two can live as
cheaply as one.-Tid-Bits
freddie is jealous Of his preroga-
tives, isn't hep what makes you
say so" "He got angry the other night
and told me not to be a fooL"-New
York Sun.
"Do you think Skinner can make q
living out there?" make livingl
Why, he'd make living on a rock in
che middle Of the ocean-if there was
another man on the rock."-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Spat--Your husband is an in
ventor, l believe? Mrs. Spotter-Yes.
Some of his excuses for coming home
late at night are in use all over the
ntry.-Philadelphia North Ameri-
can.
Wont you take this seat?7 said the
gentleman in the car, rising and lifting
his hat. mo, thank you," said the girl
with the skates on her arm; I've been
skating, and I'm tired sitting down.
Yonkers Statesman.
IF didn't love my husband, I'd stab
him to deathw exclaimed the warm
blooded lady from New Orleans. Il
wouldn't" said the Chicago woman;
I'D get n divorce and stick him for
alimony."-Town Topics.
"And how did he die?" asked the lady
who had come West to inquire after
the husband she had lost. "Er-by re-
quest, maam," said the gentle cow
boy, as mildly and regretfully as posi-
le.-Indianapolis Journal.
"Who is that young woman near the
other end of the table talking about
correct taste in art?' (which young
woman? There are several" THE one
with the wooden tOothpick in her
uth."-Chicago Tribune.
do you see anything coming our
| way?" asked the morning star Of
companion. Not yet" was the reply;
'but / see a servant below there who
is about to light her kitchen fire with
kerosene. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Its perfectly absurd, this clamor
about our hats. People who can't see
over them would better not go to the
theater." Il know; that's what l told
my husband, and he said, All right, we
won't GO; and we don't."-Bazar.
Simonsby-I have a chance to marry
two girls; one is pretty, but a mere but
terfiy, as 1t We're, and the other, though
plain, Is an excellent hOusekeeper.
Mr.. Russell Of Chicago-Take the pref
a.. o,o a,St Ipd;ana Tourua1
"How long have you been on this
route?" asked the drummer of the
conductor on a primitive Southern
railroad. "Ten yeahs, subj" Indeed?
You must have gotten on several miles
south of where / did.'-Detroit Free
Press.
He-"Now that our engagement Is
ended, suppose we should return
each others letters?" She-'I suppose
so. And, George, while we are about
| It, why not return each others kisses?"
Engagement renewed on the spot
Boston Transcript.
A young student lately presented
| himself for examination and ignomin-
| iously failed. To his family, anxious
| to hear of his success he telegraphed
thus: Examination splendid; profess
sors enthusiastic. They wish for sec
ond in October."-Tit-Bits.
He-"Do you remember when first we
met? The dew was on the grass, the
air was full Of summer scents, and"
She-"Yes; and now there's no summer,
no dew, no grass and no sense. BY the
way, have you heard of my engage
ment ?"-Detroit Free Press.
Ethel-"Oh, dear me! 1 don't know
what to think! Algy asked me last
night IL 1 wouldn't like to have some
thing around the house that 1 could
love, and that would love me-" Edith
"Well?" Ethel-"Well, don't know
whether he means himself or whether
he Is thinking Of buying me a dogr'-
Puck.
Mrs. Yeast--"I wish 1 could think OF
something to keep my husband at home
at nights" Mrs. Puncheon-"Get him
bicycle" Mrs. Yeast-"That would
take him out more than ever" Mrs.
Puncheon-"Oh. no, 1t wouldn't! NV
husband got one the day before yester-
day and the doctor says he won't be out
for month."-Household Words.