The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1897-11-07

civilization, as tenulnR 10 unscA tae Done
and slnew OF the great Western Empire.
but from this date onward we shall take
a broader and more liberal view OF the
general situation, even II We lose half
our subscribers and bring the number
of victims In our private graveyard up
to an even score.
For the last five years we have ar
gued that Giveadam Gulch was the only
Mace in America worth living IN, and
have felt pity for the poor critters who
were Obliged 20 put In time ELSEWHERE.
In our trip we ran across hair a nun
dred towns which can give us hity points
and then win the game. Ola jim new
son, who was born In the year ONE ana
who thinks this Is only the year TWO
will probably shoot at us Tor thus pup
licly stating our convictions, out ruin
is mighty and will prevail we may De
ousted from our postmastership LOT s,al-
ing that we passed through huhuIeu
nlaces having more saloons than our
Culch. with city halls twice as imposing
lint we have always been man TO take
chances.
No band out at st. Louis TO welcome
us, but as II was raining heavily, ana
all the bands were extra busy mat day.
we did not feel injured TO any great eX-
tent. We hadn't been In the Town an
hour before we felt that II they would
coax a few cowboys into town and per-
nit a little shooting at telegraph poles
and saloon fanlights. We should feel per-
fectly at home AT the hotel we rode
upstairs in an elevator Three months
ago The Kicker had a haf-page Illus
trated article on passenger elevators
and editorially stated In the same issue
that any man with a pair OF legs unoer
him who would take this enete way OF
heating the stairs ought TO be compelled
to wear dress and bonnet. We have
undergone a change of opinion. If the
Blue Buzzard hotel at Giveadam Gulch
doesn't put IN an elevator this summer.
we shall cease TO chew our fodder and
take our nips at that caravansary. II
one goes In the boys will gather TO shoot
IL fun OF holes but we shall be there TO
argue for civilization.
we missed the free and easy man.
ners of the Gulch at the hotel table in
st Louis and it was something Of a
strain on the nervous system, but we
came out Of ii alive and right-side up.
with our napkin showed down In our
coat-tan pocket for handkerchief
The waiter made faux pas in passing
us a lot Of quill tooth-picks instead or
a cedar silver. but as he had never lived
west of ST. Louis. we did not lay 1t up
against him.
called on the postmaster. as was our
duty and were well received. lie had
heard of our postoffice at Glveadam
Gulch. and was ready to agree VITA us
that any free-born American postmas-
ter who would lick on stamps for any
critter with whiskers on his chin ought
TO be ousted al twenty-four hours mo-
tice. he was also Of our way Of think
ing I'm regard TO shooting through the
general delivery window 10 attract the
attention Of the clerk. He cannot go
out and expedite the service. as we can.
by following up the mail carriers and
utter1ng an occasional yell or firing
few random shots. but he is evidently
hustler.
Also felt II our duty to call upon tho
Mayor. After a slight delay, we were
ushered into his presence. and he gave
us a warm greeting Exaggerated re-
ports of the dolngs in the common cOun-
ell chamber OF Giveadam Gulch had
reached his ears, and we were glad 10
set him right. When we informed him
that only three of our Aldermen had been
wounded during the past year, and that
we had not even been scratched by any
Of the shots fired at MS as presiding OFF,
Ger, his opinion of the far West was much
more favorable. The Mayor of St. Louis
does not carry gun, and he could not
throw a lassO over a post ten feet away,
but we left his presence feeling that he
was pretty good fellow. lie may pos
sibly be our guest this summer. and
though the boys will shoot AT his plug
hat and russell shoes, he will come out
all right.
ST. Louis IS a large and busy city,
about three hundred times the size OF
Giveadam Gulch. We know we shall
be shot at for making this statement,
but let 'er go, Gallagher. There are
more saloons, more stores. dwellings,
poker parlors, horses mules. men. wo-
men, children, and dogs i'm ST. Louis
than Givcadam Gulch will POSSESS in the
next ten thousand years. We are about
a ny-bite compared to it.
Before leaving home our bump Of self
esteem was as big as a lcer-keg. IL
has now dwindled down 10 the size OF
walnut, and IS still shrinking. Two
weeks ago we were against civilization,
even to patent corks in beer bottles.
Next week The <icke- will throw wide
the doors and welcome anything ard ev-
erything, from a shirt that opens behind
to a Manhattan cocktail with a cherry
in It. We have cleaned up our guns and
laid in one hundred cartridges TO help
us out i'm our new departure and the
critter who tries to stop as must look
out for himself.