davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
SIMPLICITY IN VOTING.

Every man ought to vote in his OWL
mouse, just as he eats in it; his vote
should be a written paper, a filled-out
and signed blank, the duplicate of
which he would keep himself, the orig
mai to be mailed to the election officers
at any time prior to a fixed date AT
this date all the votes sent in by mail
dull signed, should be counted by Of
tice4 ! appointed from different parties
and at the same time officially stamped
to show that they had been recorded
Two voting papers received from the
same name and address would be 90
instant proof that forgery had been
committed, and a simple inquiry would
show which was the genuine vote. The
votes, alphabetically arranged, woulo
be kept for suitable length Of time
each accessible to the man who had
sent it in, and who could thus make
sure, If he chose, that it had been re-
ceived ard recorded, and if it CORES
pended with his duplicate. The result
of the election would not be declared
until time enough had elapsed for this
scrutiny.
With such a system, in which voting
would be as simple a matter as send
ing your check for your rent when you
have plenty of money in the bank
have plenty of money in the bank
there could be no objection to frequent
elections nor to plebiscites on Iegis-
latiye questions, on large appropria-
lions, and that sort of thing. 1t is ever
possible that city councils and state
legislatures, as legislating bodies
might be abolished, and become mere
councils in the true sense-stages a;
it We're, upon which public proposition:
would be discussed and prepare. fol-
the adjudication of the vote through
the mail. Of course nobody is in favo,
of such a scheme as this. It was pro.
posed long ago, and no one took it up
1t seems, on the whole, too sensible
and convenient to fit into our politica
institutions Boston Transcript.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
Il don't see how that can he. VIII
What

I I don't see how that can be- What
part were you readlIg?"
| The part that tells the meaning Of
| Christian names. 1t has set me to
thinking about the way destiny steps
in and interferes with our plans.
think I've found OUT what makes Jun
kerS so kind of cynical and morose.
He was married three times and had
| eight children. | looked up the mean
ing of their names, as I've no doubt he
did before the CHI .stening. HIS nrst
child was named 'Algernon. That
means with whiskersr Algernon is
verging on old age, and he hasn't any
more beard than china egg. The next
was a girl"
1es, that's Vivian. She was the
sloWest stupidiest woman ever knew"
DO you know what Vivian means?o
ne inquired, referring to the dictionary
mat means lively Then there was
EVangeline, whose name means bring
ing glad news
never saw such a person as she is
Tor going around and telling things
that she knows will make troublev' mis-
wife exclaimed.
Then there was Alvin. Alvin means
beloved by ALL"
I've seen whole street full of
children stop playing and hide when
he came around the corner. He's verv
different from his brother Walter He's
Tie most amiable man l ever knew In
some ways. What does Walter mean?'
That means "a ruler of hosts.
Its pity the way his wife makes
him stand around"
Yes. His wife is naran
WlnHret. That means "A lover of
peace. q"
mere Was enc son named Charles"
Yes. Here it is: 'Charles-strong.
manly; noble-spirited. He was 90
bashful he'd forget what his own name
was If you asked him real quick And
Fellx translated happy, prosperous
was so unlucky thai enc time when a
mood threatened they gave him his own
oous 10 bet that tbere'd be another
shower. 1t cleared up inside of two
hours. And there's George. That's
Greek for land-holder or husbandman.
EVER since George was 16 years old he
mas travelled with a circus"
Still" his wife said pensivelv az
don't see what you mean when Won saw
that this kind of reading doesn't take
your mind off politics. 1t seems to mo
that there couldn't we'll be ANYTHING
more remote"
That because you haven't been fol-
lowing the same train of thought that
| nave. All these examples illustrate a
truth in political economy. as well as
IN domestic economy. You can name.
the baby whatever you choose, but Won
haven't the slightest assurance that it'll
i've UP to the title Is your privilege
with the proper formalities. to give il
any Resignation that suits your fancy.
put that designation doesn't make anv
difference in the long run. And the
same way, it may be possible to take
oO cents and call IT. dollar There g
nothing to prevent a governments de-
cldlng to give it thai appellation # tba
highest powers agree to it. But its
nature will be so cents, just the same,
Washington Star.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
A COMICAL SCENE.

was married in India, writes Phil.
Robinson, the author and traveller.
engaged for our honeymoon a little
| house-Sixteen miles or so from any
other habitation of white man-that
stood on the steep white cliff of the
Nebudda river, which here flows
through o. canyon of pure white marble.
Close beside our house was a little hut.
where a holy man lived in charge of
an adjoining shrine, earning money for
himself and for the shrine by polish
ing little pieces of marble as nlOmentos
for yisOtOrs. 1t was a wonderful place
altogether, and while MY wife went in
to change her dress, the servants laid
breakfast on the veranda overlooking
the river. At the first chatter of the
plates there began to come down from
the big tree that CyershadOWed the
house, and lid the trees that grew in
the ravine behind it. from the house
roof itself, from everywhere, a multi
tude of solemn MOI keys. They came
Up singly and in couples and in fami-
lies, and took their places without
noise or fuss on the veraDda and sat
there, like an audience waiting for an
entertainment to commence. And when
everything was ready, the breakfast
laid, the monkeys all seated went TO
call my wife.
breakfast is ready and they are all
waiting" 1 said.
''Who are waiting?" she asked in dis
may Il thought we were going to be
alone, and I was just coming out in my
dressing gown
Never mind l said, ''the people
about here are not very fashionably
dressed themselves. They wear pretty
much the same thing all the year
round"
And so my wife came out. Imagine,
then, her establishment. In the middle
of the veranda stood her breakfast
table, and all the rest of the space, as
we'll as the ratings and the steps, was
covered with monkeys, as grave as
possible and as motionless and silent
as if they were stuffed. Only their
eyes kept blinking and their little
round ears kept tw;tching. Laughing
heartily-at which the monkeys only
looked all the graver-my wife sat
down.
"Will they eat anything?" asked she.
TRY them" | said.
So she picked up biscuit and threw
it among the company. And the re-
suit About three hundred monkeys
jumped up in the air like one, and just
for one instant there was a riot that
! defies description. The next instant
every monkey was sitting in its place
as solemn and serious as if it had
| never moved. Only their eyes winked
and their ears twitChed.
My wife threw them another biscuit,
and again the riot, and then another
and another and another. But at
length we had given all mat we had 70
give and got up to go. The monkeys
at once rose, every one on the veranda,
and advancing gravely to the steps,
walked down them III solemn process
sion, old and young together, and dis
persed for the days occupations.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
CHOICE MORSEIS.

Wife (dejectedly)-Tm perfect
| fright!
Husband (consolingly)-No mortal is
perfect, dearest.
Miss Scraggs-Yes; once. when l was
out alone on a dark night, l saw a
man, and, oh, my goodness, how l
ran! And did you catch him, Miss
Scraggs?'
One matron-Since l have been mar
rled [ have taught my husband good
taste. Alphabetically? 1t is a good
thing for you that you did not teach
him before you were married.
Bunson (amazed) THAT your uncle!
Why, you told me your uncle had both
his legs carried away at Sedan.
Jimson-So he did. He carried them
away himself, pretty fast, l tell youi
Husband Ito wife)-I cannot conceive
what is the matter with my watch;
think it must want cleaning.
Spoiled child breaking in)-Oh,
father, 1 don't think it needs cleaning.
Baby and | had it washing in the basin
for ever so long this morning.
I hardly think" said the lawyer,
that you can get a separation from
your wife on account of her making a
practice of throwing things at the dog
But" said the man, with the haggard
look and the black eye, every time she
throws at the dog she hits mel
They were spending a week in Lon
don on their bridal tour, and were one
day looking at the monument There
is nothing so high in this city as this,
is there, love?" she asked, with bride
like confidence. Yes, darling" he re-
piled, there is" why, love, didn't
know it. What is it? Take me to see
it, won't your" Eyes, darling. 1t is
the price of board and lodging, and you
may see it when l get the bill"
An editor was one day confronted by
a gentleman, who exclaimed: I'm your
paper you report that I am dead!" "You
may rely said the editor, ION the truth
Of everything you read in our journal"
But his visitor was not comforted by
this assurance, and asked that a. con-
tradlction should be published in the
next issue. To this the editor firmly
declined to assent, but, being pressed to
make some amends, he finally offered
to insert the gentleman's name in the
following days list of births.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
A CASE OF WORD BLINDNESS

London medical men are extremely
interested in the case of what is called
word blindness" which has just been
brought to the notice of the faculty.
by DR.. Pringle Morgan, of Seaford
This latest case of an extremely rare
nervous disorder is that of a we'll
grown lad of IA, the son of intelligent
parents, who finds it impossible TO
learn to read He has been at school
or under tutors since he was seven
years old, and the most painful efforts
have been made to teach him what
various combinations of letters spell.
But in spite of all this persistent and
laborious training, it is with the great
est difficulty that he can make out even
words Of one syllable. In every other
respect he is "a bright and intelligent
boy, quick at games Of all sorts, and
apparently in no way inferior mentally
to his companions. His name is Percy,
but he seldom succeeds in placing the
five letters composing it in their cor
rect order. And even when ne has
done so by chance, he is not quite GER
tain five minutes later as to what the
letters mean. His schoolmaster says
that if his instructions were entirely
oral, he would be the smartest boy in
the school, for with arithmetic and al
zebra he finds no difficulty whatever.
1t is only written or printed words
which have no meaning for him. In
the time Of our grandfathers the I'M
fortunate Percy would probably have
been thrashed every day of his life for
being unable to do what Nature has
deprived him of the power of doing.
In our more enlightened generation he
has attained to the dignity of an Gin
teIesting case"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
RUNAWAY WIFES VERSE
one PaWned Her Husbands Sunday
Trousers and Shirts.

Joseph Killmeyer of Norfolk street
applied in the Essex Market court
yesterday to have his two little girls
aged and 4, committed to an institu-
ton. Killmeyer, who is the janitor Of
Jewish synagogue, is in destitute
circumstances. His wife, Frances.
whom he described as being young and
charming, with a penchant for poetry
and dislike for homework, deserted
him about a week ago
K1llmeyer is anything but poetic so
he says, and his wife added insult to
injury by sending him an original verse
from her present hiding place as the
epltaph Of her deceased love.
Your honor, when She went awav"
said Killmeyer, ''she stole my best Sum
day trousers and all my white shirts
and pawned them, and this is all
have to remind me of it, and he threw
| letter down on the magistrates
! bench. 1t was from his wife, and read
as follows:
Oct. 25. Dear joel am veIy sorry
that | left you, but I'll gladly go home
when I'm in better fix than am now
and have some money. [ thought that
L could not stay out any longer, and
that's why I took a room. If [ do 20
home you will move from So Norfolk
street. [ hope the children are in sare
hands, and when I go home I hope
| that we won't have any trouble I am
all right and am having a good time
and not worrying. Hoping you are
the same. Don't cry, Joe By-by
Yours truly, dear, dear, loving
WIFE.
Here's piece of poetry of mine:
Good-by, Joe; good-by, Dan;
l ran away with another man;
Once [ loved you so very nice,
But last Thursday l ran away with all
your price
/ send one thousand kisses on your
cheeks to press,
But [ can't carry them over, so send
them by Adams express.
The children were committed to the
care of the Sisters of st. Francis.-New
York Sun.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04

eyes. He says it doesn't take him long
to forget his troubles In the next
breath he will tell you he has no
troubles since he took to sleeping
standing up.
Jake does no cooking in his house.
simply because there is no room. His
culinary department is located under
a tree a short distance away. His
food consists of anything he can get
by begging, borrowing or finding. But
he doesn't do much borrowing since
the neighbors have grown to know
him.
THE way l sleep is the only right
way for anybody to sleep" said Jake,
and the sooner people come to their
senses and do as do the sooner disease
will be stamped out of the world
The noblest animal of all is the horse.
and he sleeps standing up How did
[ come to find out that it was the right
way? Oh, that is easy enough to an
swer.
You see, I was sick as a boy. way
back in Massachusetts, about seventy
dSO, anu hOCu1uS UlQ OOn6 me
no sort Of good. There always was
something the matter, and as soon as
| laid down in bed my head began
to ache. But do you know l stood that
for nigh onto half century before l
got any sense into me? And then I
was out in California digging gold.
Zone night my head ached so bad
[ couldn't stay in bed, and had 10
stand against the wall to get relief,
Without knowing it I fell asleep, and
when | woke up I felt like new man.
[ made up my mind to sleep that way
all the time, but had trouble to find
a place to do it. That is the reason
| moved out to this place. It's over
fifteen years ago, and I have never had
a sign of the old trouble and am con-
WINGED that sleeping in bed is the cause
Of all the pain and disease in the
world. Sleep standing up and you will
be new man in a short time"
The strange thing about Jake's the
DRY is that he admits he doesn't rest
when he sleeps standing up. He has
to do that under the trees the next
day. He says that has nothing to do
with his idea, though, for most people
do too much work, anyhow.-San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
Whitewater, Wis.
AN UPRIGHT SLEEPER
A Californian Who Lives in a Sentinel
Box and Sleeps Standing up.

Jake Rogers says that he is the only
man in the world who sleeps stand
ing up. And most likely he is right
about it, although there are many men
living who claim to have done it under
compulsion during the last war. Jake
also says that the reason he is so
healthy is because he sleeps the way
he does. Most people, however, would
prefer a little less health and a little
more comfort.
The place where Jake has his home
is not a very well populated one. 1t
is in Mendocina county, only a few
miles northeast of Los Robes, and the
nearest neighbor is some distance from
his place. But then Jake doesn't want
neighbors, so that feature is really an
inducement to him. In fact, Jake says
that the reason he took up his present
abode was to get rid of neighbors He
is not Of a very good disposition, an
effort to get him to talk about every
thing but himself will surely result in
failure.
1t is safe to say that Jake's house is
the only one of its kind in the world.
1t is built to sleep standing up in, and
it would be impossible for a person to
sleep in it any other way unless one
curled up like a bear. Jake built the
house himself out of boards and logs
that he picked up in different parts of
the country. 1t is a queer-looking af-
| fair, having greatly the appearance Of
chimney with a roof on it. But the
shanty is a strong one, and keeps out
I the wet, and that is all that is re-
! quired. Even the latter is not required
the greater part Of the year in that
| section. There is only one door to
the house, and no windows.
| While the outside of the house may
| look queer, the inside looks queerer
There is only one piece of furniture,
and that is what Jake calls his bed.
It really looks more like a coffin stand
| ing on end, for it is a sort of box
/ tilted back only a few inches from
/ the perpendicular. It is nailed at the
| bottom and also at the top, so that
| it is immoyable. The inside Of it is
lined with straw, covered with cloth.
20 give little comfort in cold weather
! Jake says.
When Jake wants TO sleep all he does
| is to lie back in his box and close his
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
MEANING OF NAMES
Found That influence Of Christening
Must Have It's Limits.

Mr. Twittles had been porting over
the dictionary for some time.
Cant you find the word you want?''
his wife inquired.
81 don't want any word he answer
ed. 'The trouble with half the people
nowadays is that they have more words
than they know what to do with
They start cut to tell you something
and they get it so tangled up in IuXur-
liant vocabulary that it takes hours 20
say what ought to be said in ten min
utes. don't want any more words. L was
just seeking diversion.
'FThat's a rather unusual way of
amusing yourself
That's no sign it isn't a good way.
It's a solemn fact that people will des-
pise chance to have a good time when
it's right before them and go hunting
around for what doesn't amount to
anything after they've secured it.
When I feel the neeG of diversion 1
pick up one Of the books that contains
facts in the briefest form. can get
more enjoyment ouc of the back of the
dictionary than I can out of a novel
| thought l would get away from poll
tics for while. But there's no use
Of trying to 10 that. It shoves itself
to the front, even IL the dictionary
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
CARICATURE AND FARMERS.
Pernicious Practice Which Ought &c
Be Frowned upon and Abolished.

Cannot the American caricaturist in
vent a new type to represent his pecu-
liar notion of the American farmer?
It would be a great relief, and 1t
would tend TO peace and national good
feeling. The farE4ers are the only
class designated by their occupation in
this republic for the ridicule oft the
comic artist. There are, Of course,
reasons for this. The artist lives in
the city and sells his designs there.
The papers are published and for the
most part sold and read in the city.
The farmers, as a class, are strange 10
the jewellers IN cities, and strangerless
is generally in itself amusing. There
are other classes who live in the city
who are in like fashion selected for
caricature, but they are relatively
small classes aid, with the exception
of the Irish, are not of particular i'm
portance.
The farmers, on the contrary, are a
very large class. As a rule, they are
idustrious, honest Iaw-abiding, decent.
with more rather than less of the Vir-
tues necessary in a republic than the
city people. Their chief offense is
that they are odd. Is that a sufficient
reason why hey should be held up to
constant ridicule? And if they must
be ridiculed for our amusement, may
not We as we'll as the farmers fairly
ask that there be- some ingenuity,
imagination, discrimination, some
touch of the fine insight that makes
really gOod caricaturt representations
of them?
This is no. a mere matter of taste,
though educated and wholesome taste
very generally revoits at the current
caricature Of the farmer. One ex-
ample Of many will show this A
gentleman living in the interior of
this state, himself a farmer and a con
vinced and intelligent advocate of
honest money, reported in the recent
campaign that he found among the
farmers of this cOur t.. many of them
republicans, a distinct leaning toward
Bryan because he was the ayoWed
champion of the farm ers and because
the farmers we're I'll ifOrmly ''insulted"
by the comic papers OF the cities Nor
was this a partisan matter. The paper
most often cited was republican in
politics and it was equaled in often
siyeness by one politically opposed to
1t, while the illustrations" of the
dailies were no better.
The practice is not confined to this
country. The English have their
Hodge the Germans their Hans"
the French their Jacques Bonhom-
me-" But these are generally far
more respectable personages. They
are rude and odd and contrast sharply
with the city type, but they are for
the most part shreWG and keen, and in
the pictures look quite equal to the
homely wit that most often is credit
ed to them in the letter press. AS a
class the American farmers. in the
pictures and in the letter press, are
simply ignorant and ludicrOuS. and
often are mean as well, which is I'M
fair because it is untrue. 1t is not 4
matter that is easy to reform, but there
is field in which some artist of real
talent and a publisher of common
sense can distinguish themselves.
New York Times.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
MANAGING DARK RACES
England and Russia Pass the Act and
Tend Toward Extension.

There is one link, or shall We call
it resemblance, between the English
and the Russians in their external
action. Both can manage the dark
races Of mankind without the sense Of
eXhausting effort, and both therefore
tend toward a perpetual extension Of
their dominion over those races.
Whatever happens to either Of them
and whatever professions they may
make, both are perpetually receiving
the submission of new tribes. and
neither, when once the submission has
lasted few years. is much troubled
by instructions. The curious ANAL
gam of pity, contempt, physical dis
like and desire to see justice done
which constitutes British feeling to-
ward all but white men, produces a
line of conduct which, when once
fairly understood, seems to incline the
dark masses of the world to acquiesce
in British ascendency. They seldom
or never like their rulers, whose coldly
proud regard, chills all enthusiasm for
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04

A mighty wave Of sentiment has
risen against silk lingerie, and in its
place there is a feeling toward home
made underwear, Gatherc stitched by
But added he (and he was not an
IrishmaD, eff there had been fighting
there would have been many absent
faces here to-day. "-Pathfnder
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
NO CAUSE OF ACTION.

The charge was vagrancy and the
officer who made the arrest testified
that the prisoner had been hanging
around the corner of State and Madi-
son streets for a week with no ap-
parent object in view.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04
HARD LINES.

yes, they've had a god deal of
trouble"
'Indeed?"
yes, the son was caught in some
crooked work and it left the old man
in very straitened circumstances.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04

To clean a sewing machine cover all
the bearings with kerosene, run the
machine rapidly a few minutes, then
with a soft cloth remove all the kero-
seDe and apply machine oil.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-03-04

Harvard Seniors will wear cans
gowns after the April recess.