The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-08-26
BICYCLE CHASER E D
BABPLoN,S SoLITARy POLICEMAN
rs TOO Eat ron THE JOB.

walk scorcheru Only JcCr mt Capt. Thco.
dorc Wicks-uc IL Training Hnrd, but the
Villagers Want n Cop Thin ms n Lath.
BABYLON, /. l., Aug. 25.-Reform Is needed
in the police force of this village; badly needed.
The force Is not up to the standard physically.
Its girth is disproportionntc to its height. In
short, 1t is too fat. Bicyclists jcer at IL.
Drunken men. unless they are drunk to the
extent Of immortality, oludc 1t with distin-
guisl cd ease. 1t has no wind to speak Of.
1t wears n 55.inch bolt and its collar
size Is Is. These arc the damning facts
against II. and unless II trains down there 10
likelihood that IL will be turned out. neck, crop,
and waistband, and a now force DO Installed In
its place.
The police force rcsents as ono man any suF-
gcstion that II In to be turned out. That 10
should resent rs one man is quite natural, since
it is one man. That's the trouble with II. Ifit
could be split up into, say, half n dozen men,
cach section would DO about tho proper size for
an active bicyclo.catching policeman. But taken
in a single batch, Capt. Theodore Wicks, who con-
stitutes the entire constabulary Of the place, 10
all but useless save as n monument to the gram
deur OF the law, and President Ricketts, OF the
village has told him 30. to his great chagrin and
grief, for no has been a faithful officer and takes
a pride in his official position.
Perhaps IL It weren't for the bicyclists Capt.
Wicks would be all right, In spite of his in
crcasing avoirdupois. There arc only two
kinds OF law breakers here, drunks and bicy-
clists. With the DRINKS the Captain was o
competent officer. for II they weren't too drunk
they would dodge him and stagger home, where
they belonged, and II they wero no would
pounce upon them comatose and lug them OF
to tho lookup. But with the bicyclists 1t was
different. There is a law against riding q BIZ
cycle on the sidewalks, which nearly everybody
religiously d~isobeys, so that there have boon
many and bitter complaints from the pedes-
TRANS. These complaints generally took the
form OF demanding to know why the police
didn't keep the offending wheelmcn Off the
walk. Then President Ricketts, would hASe
the police up before him and ask him:
why don't you enforce the law against b.
And each time poor Capt. wicks would reply:
I'm doing my best; sir, but they only tell me
leave It to you, sir; do you think you could
carry my weight and catch up With With a %bicyelleii..
asked k@h he d Prosld sSs on lssrn to ride y0OF''ff'
"MeiTI cried Policeman wicks. Suppose I
That suggestion was dropped and the Presi-
dent took another tack.
Why don't you tralnf'.
mummy and run until I eonidn!. run another
step, -. .----
TT did" said the police force sadly. 4
weighed two pounds more each evening than I
uhd IN the morning.
Did you try dietingi'
I've, SO near starved. myself that I couldn't
see q loaf OF bread without tears coming to
my eyes, but the less / eat tho moro ] weigh"
I'm sorry for you; Cantain,' said President
Ricketts,. You've been a good officer, but
I'm afraid we've got to find n thinner man.
These b~icyclists are getting too obstrcpcrous."
This was some time ago. and since then eff
forts have been made TO find a thin. active man
with a dislike for bicycles. who wants the job
OF being the village police force, but such q
man hasn't yet been found. Meantime Capt.
Wicks has achieved a triumph. He has ar
rested n bicyclist. The man was from Brook
Ign and was riding briskly along on the side
walk when the Captain saw him.
Hey! Get Off the sidewalk" ordered the
policeman.
The wheclman looked around at Capt. Wicks
and his eyes grew big.
GOSH" he said. You'd hotter get Oft the
sidewalk. tn cave in with both Of us first you
know
Upon this the Captain set ont on a run after
the lawbreaker. The wheelmnn had never in
his life seen anything like Capt. Wicks's rum
ming gait. Few persons have who don't live
here. So entranccd was the brooklyn man that
he rode straight into a tree, fell off his wheel,
and almost died laughing. Lest he should es-
and then he almost died Of suffocation. He was
taken to the drug store and brought around.
With this arrest in his favor Capt. Wicks hopes
to get q months respite i'll which to have an
other try ut training. His friends have given
him all sorts Of advice, which he will take,
neglccting none in his. last endcavor. He 10
going to reduce weight II perseverance can do IL
If l don't do 1t this time" says the Captain,
"Ill resign, and l hope the man they get In my
place will be so thin that the first bicyclist he
tries to arrest will break him in two and use
the splinters fer toothpicks."