The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1897-07-02

the married alld single men. horse races
a dance In the afternoon for the children
and one at night for the older ones.
The getting mp Of . program was late
but will be carried out Cor the purpose
Of enjoyment Of those who have not
arranged to 60 TO the Park and other
places on that day.
A hoy In the Wichita schools. Cali.
fornia, Was suspended for reading the
following essay ON pants"
Pants are made for men. and not men
for pants. Women are made for men,
and not pants. When man pants for
women and a women pants for man,
they are pair Of pants. Such pants
dom last. Pants are like molasses-
thew are thinner ia hot weather and
thicker In cold. The man In the moon
changes biz pants during an eclipse.
Don't 20 to the pantry for pants-you
may be mistaken. Men are often
mistaken in pants Such mistakes
makes breaches Of promise. There has
bsen much discussion as to whether
pants" is singular or plural. Seems
TO ~ when men wear pants they are
plural, and when they don't wear any
they are singular. Men get on a tear In
their pants, and 1t IL all right but when
the pants get on tear, It il all wrong.
An exchange has this TO say about
newspapers, and there are but few on
the tripod who cannot appreciate II.
We know a newspaper man who IL
thinking Of giving up journalism be-
cause he belieyee the workers on the
press are not treated fairly. lie re-
marked the other day, when feeling
"down In the MOUTH" LET me tell
you how IL goes. \ child IL oorn," he
saidi "thc doctor In attendance gets ti5,
the newspaper chap notes the arrival,
aud gets 50. The infant is christened,
the minister gets $40 aud the reporter
who writes It up. gets 900. IL marries
and the minister got another fee. The
chap on the newspaper gets piece Of
cake lmaybel or&0JO. In the course Of
time 1, dies. The doctor gets from -
to 500, tho minister gets another ten.
spot and the undertaken don't take a
cent less than 500. The editor-the
fool that lac is-print- gushing
obituary and receives sOOOO-and on top
oiall this the privilege Of running free q
card OF thank from She family TO friends
and TO the Insurance company Tor a
prompt settlement. Then look at the
abuse We get from cyeryquartcr. II the
dear public could just once get IL into
their heads that everybody's business
Il q newspaper mans business, perhaps
they would bca better feeling all around
We are bounded scorned and spat upon
by the roughs aud scum Of the town
those who appear before the recorder
and gets sentence. The middle and
kid-gloved class turn up their noses
when they meet us, because we have
inadvertently omitted their names At
some public function. The girls hate u
because We have perhaps complimented
deadly rival Of theirs, and the old
maids despise ne because we jolly them
on their single blessedness. Public
officials denounce us because we criticize
them openly when they are wrong-and
can't soc It,. Ministers have no use for
~ because we print what God has
deemed it to let occur-Rnd have no
room for all their sermons. My advice
to yonng men, tell you, is to shun the
newspaper business. The free press IL a
glorious thing, | know, but we are, as a
rule, as thin-skinned as the rest Of
the huminaty, and can't stand censure.
Still, the people OF any locality are, after
all, the real newspaper makers, and the
newspaper is only a mirror which re-
fleets them just as they are. Good
day."
b. X. +. NrER.