Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-10-28
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"What are all those ribbons hanging
on the chandelier ''Those are not
ribbons; they are neckties I've pulled
off different men when was learning
to ride wheel."-Chicago Record.
Ferguson-It says here that no for
eigner is allowed to be forty-eight
hours ON Turkish territory without n
pass. Nixon-It must be tough on the
railroads that have to Issue them
Boston Transcript. = J.
"Why are yez decorating, Mrs. Mur-
phyr "Me by Denny Is coming home
the day." II thought he was sent up
for foive years" Eyes, but he got a
year off for good behavoure." 'Sure, 1t
must be comfortin' for yez to have
good by like that."-Tlt-Bits. 4rr
Mr.. Dunham-I have called, sir. 10
tell you that your daughter, Miss Fan
ME, and love each other very dearly.
l want to ask You for her. Old Mil
yuns-Well, you'll hate to wait a
| while. There's no vacancy in the store
now that could put you into.-Cleve-
| land Leader.
Raggles-Wo't yer doin', Weary, wild
dc tellerscope? Weary--Lookin' fer
work. Raggles-Lookin' fer work!
| W'ot fer? Weary-So's kin avoid 1t.
l wuz jest sizln' up de houses round
here ter see eff can't strike one dat
keeps gaserline can instid Nv wood
| pile.-Judge.
| 81 can always distinguish between
| this win ordnaire and red INK said
| the regular diner at the table dhote.
"How?" asked the casual customer.
"By the label on the bottle" said the
regular with fiendish grin. This
shows the Importance of judiciOus ad-
vertisng.-Judge.
Visitor-What! He is three months
old and you haven't named him yet?
Mrs. Wheeler-No! You see, it's this
way: want to name him after my BIZ
| cycle, and John insists on naming him
l after his. guess we will have to COM
promise and name him after the wheel
mother rides-Puck.
Mrs. de Temper am not happy
with my husband. Shall drive him
away? Lawyer-His life is insured in
your favor, isn't it? Mrs. de Temper
Yes; made him do that before we
married. Lawyer-Well. don't drive
him off. He'll die quicker where he is.
New York Weekly
Irate customer-See here! That suit
of clothes l bought of you yesterday
| Is full of moth holes. Dealer-Das Is
all recht, mine frient. Moths neffer eat
cotton, an ven ladies an shentlemens
see dose holes dey knows you years
only high-priced all-vool goots.-New
York Weekly.
"Jim made an awful blunder last
week" What was thatT' HE got
an invite to Name Scroggs' wedding.
and felt too poor to buy n present. So
lie sent note of regret, which read
like this L have been called out of
town. Please excuse my presents -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Blinkly-John, dear, won't You
discharge Mary? You know how afraid
am of her. Mr.. Blinkly-Certainly
No servant can ever scare me. "a lit
tie while afterD Mary-ahem! Mrs.
Blinkly has asked me to tell you that
she wants to see you after have gone
to the office.-Brooklyn Life.
Yesterday" said Jabson, II refused
a supplcant woman request for II
small sum of money, and in conse-
quence of my act / passed a sleepless
night The tones of her voice were
ringing in my airs the whole time"
"Your softness of heart does rou cred
It," said MADISON; "who was the wom-
an?" MY wife."-Detroit Free Press.
"Do you mean to say" asked the Wis
itor, in horror, that the gentleman
was shot for simply rising and making
motion during meeting of your de-
batting society,"" 'Suttinly," said the
Colonel, 'but you must remembah, sab.
that the motion he was called down on
was made in the direction Of his hip
pocket, sah."-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Greene-Tell me, aren't there
any expresses running to your town!
Mrs. Gray-Of course there are; plenty
of them. Why do you ask? Mrs.
Grcene-My husband has told me that
he has seen your husband almost ev-
cry night on his way home. and he al
ways had more than he could carry
Boston Transcript.
Judgc-You admit that you entered
the house of the prosecuting witness
by the door at o'clock in the morn
ing? Prisoner-Yes, your honor. Judge
What business did you have there at
that time of night? Prisoner--I thought
1t was my own house. Judge-Then
why did you. when this lady approach
cd. leap through the window. jump
into the cistern, and hide yourself?
Prisoner-Your honor, thought twas
, my wife.-Truth.
Lady Ito manager of employment bu-
, reau)-What nationality is that bright
looking. dark-complexioned girl over In
the corner? I've addressed her In
French. Spanish and Italian. but she
doesn't seem TO understand either. Man
agcr (briskly)-Tried the United States
| dialect ON her? mo, never thought Of
, that" Perhaps she might under
, stand you II you did. She was born
: and brought up in New York."--New
York World
"NIy dear madam" said tic --ofessor
of music, "your daughter has no sense
of melody and no instinct for time.
, she couldn't play. And she has no
| ,,oico. therefore she cannot cyDect tn