The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-06-03
SOME LIES ABOUT KANSAS.
People Of the Sunnower State Say
Some of Them Are Exaggerated.

Some of Them Are Exaggerated.
Kansas is more sinned against than sin
ming; likewise moro lied against than
living. This holds good in everything GA
cept politics No story has yet been told
depicting the frightful condition of Kan
sas politics that exaggerates IL in tho
least But, for instance: IL one OF the
gentle zepbyrs OF Kansas becomes aggra-
vhted and gets an extraordinary move on
itself for a brief period, "kansas had
cyclone destroying life ana property ga
lore;" If "a hot wind strikes one corner OF
"a township in county in ono corner or
the state, 1.-The crops OF the entire state
have been destroyed by hot winds;' II the
rivors are the least bit swollen, western
Kansas is inundated If the western
part of the state lacks some moisture, - 10
is so dry all over the state that you have
to run your we'll through wringer TO
get enough water TO cook with If the
state Is favored with an average crop or
better, I'VE have raised enough TO feed
the world" If the crops fall below the
average, "the people are on the verge OF
starvation. "
And 50 it goes; Kansas always has
trouble
No one more fully appreciates that such
stories are accepted by many strangers rs
virtually truthful incidents of lifo in the
Sunflower State than Mr.. Il. ID. Coburn,
ture, who has for years been making
collection Of such as seemed 10 best Illus
trate the type of a joke always in order
when Kansas is mentioned. 1t requires
two large envelopes to hold them, and as
samples of the truly artistic in lie
making he rates the following as among
the highest:
Here is an example Of what Kansas
tornado can do or what Kansas liar
can do, when forced TO IL: A farmer had
IA large crib filled with ear corn, and there
was knothole In the south end OF the
crib 1t was struck by tornado and 1t
is claimed that the suction was so great
that cob after cob was drawn through
the hole and the farmer was left with a
crib OF shelled corn.
Several stories which the reader can or
cannot believe, just as he secs tit, were
started after the Seneca tornado, two
years ago. had violated the state law In
reference To the malicious destruction of
property and departed for parts unknown.
Probably the best one was this: A man
was riding along on horseback with jug
OF whisky tied with strap to tho saddle
horn. After the blow had ceased the jug
handle was found inside the jug aud ths
strap was sticking out of the nozzle, the
jag having boon blown inside ont with
out spilling drop of liquor.
During this same blow goet happened
to get in the road aud had his hair blown
off, leaving bis hide as clean as skinned
banana The animal looked so much like
a Mexican dog with horns that he was
placed on exhibition.
Another caper which this tornado cut
was to blow the side wlIisKers oil n travel.
ing man and plant them on the side of a
womans face where they continued To
grow. L4
Here is another pretty fair one: A far
mer was plouahing around an obiong
patch of ground one day and at night tho
tract of unplnughed land still contained
about five acres When be quit for the
day he left the plough sticking In the
furrow, as farmers often do, The tornado
came along and caught the plough taking
it around the LAND" until 10 was all
ploughed.
A Kansan abroad recently found crowd
that did not seem I'd appreciate his con
versation concerning the conspiracy of
the foreign capitalists TO compel the Pop
uist farmers OF Kansas TO pay their
honest debts, SO hc pulled out his stock OF
tornado stories noptng 10 attract attention.
II saw cycloDe once, - said he, that
picked up "A straw stack aud moved IL "a
mile and put II back, straw on straw, as
it was.
Two or three OF the auditors yawned
and tho Kansas man tried it again.
Another time" said ho. II saw
twistsr suck sixty gallons Of molasses out
of a barrel In front OF "A grocery store and
distribute IL 10 every family IN town who
had "a bucket out on tho back step for the
miikmau.
He cleared his throat and began again:
Back In tho seventies we had terrible
cyclone in western Kansas, IL blew the
cracks out OF the fences, pulled u cistorn
out of the ground, moved n township line
and changed the day of the woek."
This last fusilado induced one Of the
listeners 10 speak up. tie said: Il do
not know much about cyclones, but. orce
when | was az sen / saw waterspout
pick up tons aud tons of water and carry
IL mile and"
Hold on, " cried the Kansnn, "if you
ara going 10 degrade the conversation 60
tho level VI a common lying contest / will
retire. " Aud he got up and walked away
pompously.
Another man with an unblushing face
told this story and expected people TO be-
lieve it:
81 was out In Kansas last summer. and
the first cyclone of course ! went down IN
the cellar, like other folks. The house was
soon blown away. The neXt thing | know
the cellar went, too. rolling over and
over like silk hat | was soon spilled
out With infinite l6hor i crawlcd back
in tho teeth Of tho wind, Intending to
take refuge In the hole the collar camo
out OF. To my CONSERVATION | found
that that had blown away also.
prominent kansau Is accredited with
telling this:
1ell you what's fact have known
IL To blow twelve days and nights ON
stroich ana hold a shcep up against the