The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-05-12
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.
= People lock at you six days in
he week to see what yon mean on the

- People lock at you SIX days in
the week to see what yon mean on the
seventh.
"A woman van win a mans love
without trying, but she can t keep it
that way.
- Never criticise your wife. She's
a mighty poor woman aud an anomaly
if she is not a great deal better than
you are.
-"Name some Of the most impor-
tant things existing to-day that were
unknown 100 years ago" Tommy
"You and me-"
-"I have always wished solilo-
quized the coroner, pensively "that I
could have held this Office Immediate
ly after the food"
-".I saw a man to-day who had no
hands play the piano." "That's moth
ing We've got a girl down in our
fat who has no voice and who sings"
An engagement ring is joyfully
worn by the girl who imagiues she is
a captor when she is really a captive,
doomed to worse than penal servitude.
"Are any of the colors dis,ernibles
to the touch 2" asked the school
teacher. II have often felt blue"
replied the boy at the head of the
class.
= Josh Billings says he knows peo-
pie who are 80 fond of argument hat
they will stop and dispute WIN a.
guide-board about the distance to the
next town.
The Treasury Department an
nounces that in the counterfeit $40
silver certificates the nose of Daniel
Manning is sharp and pointed, whereas
in the genuine bill it is round and
broad.
= Contempt for holy things is the
highest road to iridelity. Once let a
man begin to make jest of any part Of
Christianity, and L am never surprised
to hear that he is a downright unbc-t
lever.
= Daniel Webster was once asked:
"What is the moss important thought
you ever had 2" he replied: "The
most important thought l ever had
was my individual responsibility to
God"
= Watch crystals are made by blow
ing a sphere of glass about one yard
in diameter, after which the disks are
cut from it by means of a pair of COM
passes having a diamond at the ex-
tremity Of one leg.
"A Canadian lawyer, whose sign
read, "a. Swindle," was advised by
friend to have his first name spelled
out in full-Arthur or Andrew, or
whatever it might be. He didn't fol-
low the advice, however. His first
name is Adam.
= Jucge-Prisoner, you are charged
with imrersonatipg an officer. What
have you to say for yourselfP Prisoner
Your honor, l was merely standing
on the corner asleep. Do you call
that im~personating an officer? Judge
Yes. Thirty days on the island.
An Irishman was asked if he
could define an Irish bull. eyes,
num-" he said. "If you are driyin'
along the road, and you see three cows
lynn down in a pasture, and a Of
thin is standin' up, why chat wan is
an Irish bull"
= The Fourth Bridge, in Scotland,
is constantly being reprinted; in fact,
no sooner have the painters reached
one end than they have to commence
again at the other. 1t takes fifty tons
of paint to give it n coat, and the
area dealt with is something like 120
acres.
= An old gentleman finding a cou-
pie Of his nieces fencing with a broom,
stick, said: "Come, come, my dears,
that kind Of an accomplishment will
not help you in getting husbands"
"I know it, uncle" responded one of
the girls, as she gave a lunge, "but it
will help to keep our husbands in or
der when we have get EN-"
Darling" he said, falling upon
his knees before her and covering her
little hands with kisses; darling,
can't you see, can't you guess that l
love you 2" She drew herself up to her
full height, looked at him for a mo-
ment, and then said: "Well, I should
hate to think that this was just your
natural way of behaving in company"
I'm proud Of this town." said a
little man sitting behind the stove,
with a pipe in his mouth. Proud OF
it," repeated the stranger at the bar,
who turned around as he heard the
words, and looked at the speaker with
a look of infinite contempt. what
are you proud of it for ?" That's ar
easy one" returned the little man:
"There are four cemeteries, here, and
I've got a wife in every one OF EN-.
For every quarter in a mans
pocket there are a dozen uses; and to
use each one in such a way as to de-
rive the greatest benefit is a question
every one must solve for himself. We
blieve, however, that no better use
could be made of one of these quarters
than to exchange it for a bottle of
Chamberlain Collie, Cholera and Di-
arrhoea Remedy, a medicine that ev-
cry family should be provided with.
For sale by Hill-Orr Drug Go.
-"Dotv os a mean man which went
shoost now der door oud," said Nose
to a friend who had dropped into his
store. "Why so 2" inquired the friend:
she INSULT me NIT my oHn store"
"Well, what did he say Z" "He says
dot bile uf bants I'D make good miluck
sdrainers mid geese factory" "Why
didn't you talk back to him 2 "Vy
didn't I? Bet your poots l did"
"What did you say "Vat did 1
gay -? / dold him to come to hell?"
Mr.. D. P. Davis, a prominent
liveryman and merchant of Goshen,
Va, has this to say on the subject of
rheumatism: II take pleasure in re-
commencing Chamberlain's Pain
Balm for rheumatism, as I know from
personal experience chat it will do all
that is claimed for it. A year ago
this spring my brother was laid up in
bed with inhammatory rheumatism
and suffered intensely. The first ap-
%plication of Chamberlain's Pain Balm
eased the pain and the use OF one bot