The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-11
A Montana Divorces Suit
DOWNRIGHT, 1907, by ". L. Alden. ]
By W. L. ALDEN.

Ediu tllC OOLLtIlO SbdIlOu lldSttI. I16 n
the Athensville Baptist preacher, and
he's on his way to Chicago to give his
testimony in the great divorce suit.
What! | never told you about any di-
vorce suit? Well, you surprise me, for
that there divorce suit is just the big
gest thing of the kind we have ever had
in this section of the country.
THAT Baptist preacher hasn't any
thing to do with it except to swear that
he married the plaintiff and the defend
ant. There's nothing crooked about the
Rev. Mr.. Humphreys. He's as good as
they make 'em, though 1 say it myself,
and | don't think much of Baptists as a
general thing, having been brought up
a Methodist, though l resigned from
them when l was made conductor,
which is a berth that a man can't do
anything with unless he can swear a
blue streak when the occasion arises.
"This hyer preacher took charge Of
the Athensville Baptist church q matter
OF five years ago, and, being a wonderful
man for managing a church and max
ing it attractive to the general public,
it wasn't long before he had the largest
congregation Of any preacher in the
place. The Presbyterian minister felt
that he had to do something to main
tain his position, so he preached a Sc
ries OF sermons on baptism, proving, as
he thought, that s%prinkling was the on
ly authorized way of baptism, and that
immersion was all a mistake. In one of
his sermons he made a pretty good
point by showing that ON one occasion
John the Baptist baptized so many peo-
pie in the course of a day that he must
have averaged three to the minute.
This, the preacher claimed, would have
been impossible if he had done it in any
other way than by sprinkling. Mr..
Humphreys only laughed when they
told him about this sermon and said,
Just wait till we have our regular
spring baptizing season. So the next
spring, when there were about 40 peo-
pie young and old waiting to join the
Baptists, Mr.. Humphreys, he takes the
whole lot down to the creek and i'm
merses every II Of II - in less than
ten minutes, breaking - record and
beating John the Baptist's best time.
This made him more popular than ever,
and that year the people built him a
new church twice as big as the old one.
1t stands on the hill about a mile ont
of Athensville, for when it was built it
was cal'lated that the town would grow
in that direction, which somehow it
hasn't done.
II tell this just to show what an en-
terprising man the parson was. He in
sisted on having the tallest steeple to
his new church that could be found
anywhere in Montana territory, and
b'gosh he got it. People used to come
from miles away to climb up in that
steeple and see the view. There wasn't
any view to speak of, the country being
too billy in those parts to have much
scenery, but for all that people were anx-
ious to say that they had been to the
top of the steeple.
There was an old maid in Mr..
Humphreys congregation who was
more determined to get married thar
any woman you ever saw. She was one
Of those thin, ~persevering looking wo
men, and a mighty dangerous sort they
are. Miss Payson, which was this lady's
name, was bound to marry a young man
by the name of Halsey, who had neve
done her any harm and was about as
sensible and we'll behaved a chap a,
there was in all Athensville. Of course
he didn't have the least idea of marry
ing the woman, but he was one of thos,
good tempered chaps that are Away!
afraid to say no when a woman ask.
them to do anything. Good temper il
the ruin Of lots of folks. It's kept nj
down. l know that. If I'd been one Of
these crusty, rampageous fellows tina
never do IA kind action if they can hell
it, / should have been superintendent
of this road instead Of being only a sta
ton master at one of the smallest sta
tions i'll the territory. Never you be to-
good tempered. OF the two it ruins
more men than whisky.
Zone day Miss Payson she gets younl
Halsey to take her up in the steeple o
the Baptist church. You see, visitor
were always going up that steeple be
tween the hours Of 10 and 8, during
which the sexton staid at the church t.
attend to things and see that the,
conducted themselves as they should
At 3 O'Clock he locked up the door tina
led to the steepie, and then he locke'
up the church door and went home TO
the night.
Miss Payson and her young mai
went up the steeple about 3 o'clock il
the afternoon, but she said she enjoye,
it SO much that Halsey was prevaile'
upon to stay there with her a good dea
later than he had intended to stay. Sh
kept him pointing out all the houses il
the town and every hill and valley il
the whole neighborhood, and when sh
finally asked him to look at his watcl
and tell her the time she was, as sh
pretended, dreadfully alarmed to fin,
that it was half past 8. Halsey raj
down the stairs and found that the doc
was locked, and nobody was within
hearing. The sexton had forgotten tina
there was any one up the steeple ant
had locked up and gone home at
O'Clock, as usual. Halsey came back ant
told Miss Payson, who burst into tear
and said that her reputation was ruin
ed. She and Halsey would have t.
spend the night in the steeple unless b,
was willing to jump out of the window
and break his neck. and she had rathe
die a thousand times than let him d,
that.
"Halsey was considerably scared him
self, for he saw that unless he could in
vent some way of getting Miss PaysoJ