The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1897-06-02
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Jack-A woman can't throw straight.
Tom-Oh, don't know. Did you ever
have one throw you down?-New York
Journal.
He-It makes me better man every
time kiss you, darling. She-Oh, Har-
old. how good you must be now-Bos-
ton Traveller.
Timmy-Pop, IL there's war are
you going? Pop-No, sir. Your mother
has been the man Of the house for the
past year.-Lfe.
Sunday School Teacher-Why is It
wrong to have two wives? Tommy
Cos no man can serve two masters
New York Journal.
Everything on earth has IT'S mis-
sion" How about mosquitoes?' p They
make us thing more kindly Of fiies."-
PilIsburg Chronicle.
ZONES thinks a great deal of me-"
$50? i didn't know you were such
friends" Were not; owe hun mon
Memphis Appeal.
OAulChCC a. 10 tACAC lCAAAJ
'honor among thieves?' Mr.. Calhpers
No, my son; thieves are just as bad
as other people.-Puck.
Hell suppose the chainless wheel In
fastf Shell suppose so. wonder
how long It win take 1t to reach the
bargain counter.-Puck.
His ldea.-"Is the water you get fat
your boarding house pure? Egbert-
No; there seems to be lot of milk In
it-Yonkers Statesman.
Jack-Yes, ancestorslcertainly help to
give a person social prestige. Tom-Es-
pecially when they are wealthy and
one lives with them.-Life.
Quick Work.-Jones-I married my
wife a month after she accepted me-"
Brown-And married mine three days
after she refused me.-Puck.
Prom Two Points of view.-Minnie
tadmiring her new ring)-Isn't It dear
little thing? Jack (who bought t)-In-
deed 1t isAJewelers' Weekly.
Mrs. Ferry-Are your new neghbors
wel-to-do? Mrs. Terry-I think they
are. The children have such awful
Observation-Disclosures Enquirer.
81 wish to establish fine private IL
brary. What book is the best to start
onT II would advise a pocketbook. -
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin. :
Watts-Newspaper English rs getting
worse every day. Potts-Why not?
The offices are filling up with college
Observation-Disclosures Journal.
Charles BraSg-Yes, Miss Brightly, II
costs me ten thousand year to live.
Miss Brightly-Oh, Nh Bragg, do you
think It's worth it?-Boston Traveller.
Shortleigh-My Uncle Frank Is a YER
table Klondike Longleigh-Why,
how's thatf Shortleigh-Plenty OF
wealth, but cold and Chicago
News.
He Wouldn't Wouldn't
you like TO have me sit here and shoot
at the poets when they come In? Editor
No. You are too poor a shot.-Har,
lem Life. n
She (reading)-Mice are fond Of mu-
sic and will get as close to 1t rs they
can. He-Just cut that out and I'll
send 1t to the girl In the next fiat.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Seems to Cover It.-Hojack-Giyem me
l paraphrase of "All is fair in love and
war" Tomdik-The tactics permissible
in courtship are equally allowable af-
ter marriage.-Puck.
She-Your face Is too near to mine.
He-Its two inches away; and that's
as bad as a thousand miles. She (pout.
ingly)-Well, 1t wouldn't be for some
men.-Harlem Life.
Brggs-What did she say when shc
rejected you? Griggs-She said it
wasn't necessarily due to lack of merit;
but on account Of the great pressure OF
other material.-Life.
Jake Fellows-I have a great notion
to kiss you. Miss Sweetllps (glanclng
in the mlrror)-Well, sir, to be frank
with you, l couldn't blame you much
New York Evening World.
Aunt Maria-Why, Johnny, what in
the world are you thinking about?
Johnny-Only thinking up things to say
when l grow up that used to do when
| was a boy.-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Higgins-What wretched taste
that Mrs. Wilkes has! Mr.. Higgins
Yes, l met her down stairs this after.
noon and she was wearing that ugly
old $25 hat you thought you wanted"
Chicago News.
1--WE English" said the intelligent
foreigner, do not run for office; we
stand for it, And here" said the
bright American, 'the man runs for Of
fee IL the people will stand for It,
Indianapolis Journal.
Adelber-I cawn't say that I'm feel
Ing nachuwal this eve; I've got a
beastly cold In my head, don'tyerknow?
Geraldine-Never mind, Addy. Don't
grumble. Even II It is only cold, It's
something.-Richmond Dispatch.
What a beautiful specimen of In
hyingp' exclaimed the guest. "Yes."
replied Mr.. Cumrox, as he put his hands
behind and tiptoed complacently; but
that isn't anything. You ought to have
seen the outlay It represents. Wash
ington Star.
The Cautious One--I wouldn't 10 to
the Klondike. Already more money
has gone in there than has been taken
out. The Sanguine One-You don't say,
II the place Is getting richer Nike that
think III so as soon as can.-Cincln-
natl Enquirer.