Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-10-07

Eyes; I gdon't believe it would be
easy to stare her out of countenanne-
Detroit Journal
Confederation.
rs it any fun getting man to
teach you how to ride the wheel?"
Fun! Why, I've been taught
three times. Life.
Obeyed.
Mistress-"Bridget, did you put the
Goldfish to soak?"
Bridget-'Sure an I did, marin.
Here is the ticket. Life.
Valuable Advice.
Wife-"My dear, the doctor insists
that must take trip abroad"
Husband-'I wondered what made
his bill so high. Detroit Free Press.
Alaska Conditions.
"But the conditions of life on the
Klondike must be hard"
''Yes, even the milk of human
Kindness is condensed. - Chicago
Record.
Not Classified.
Teacher-"How many bones are
there in human body?''
Pupil-"I don't know. I haven't
learned to ride wheel yet. Detroit
Free Press.
How She Took 1t.
"Does Miss Merry smile upon
your suit Chumpley?"
Smile? She laughs till you can
hear her block every time Ipropose.
Detroit Free Press.
A Professional Promise.
"Ah, doctor, this is the worst at
tack l ever had"
Don't worry yourself, my dear
madam. I'm quite sure you won't
have another. Pick -Me-Up.
Hot STUFF.
Benny Bloobumper "Oh, papa,
the goat has swallowed q Roman can
dler'
Mr.. Bloobumper - "That's all
right. He merely wanted light
lunch. Life.
he oIun'I uinu.
Askins-"One of the drawbacks of
married life comes when your wife
asks you to mind the baby; eh, old
man?"-
Kidder-"Oh, I don't mind it
much. Puck.
Made Him Prove 1t.
Mudge-''What would you do if you
were me? Thomas called me glib
beriug IDIOT"
Watts-'I'd make him prove it,
every bit of it, 1 don't believe any
one ever heard you gibber. Indian
upolis Journal.
Heavy Handicap.
Lean O'Leary "Ma'am, Tn vic
tim of most adverse circumstances.
Old Lady-s'Poor man! What hap
pened to you?"
Lean O'Leary-"M "Ma'am, I showed
my signs of greatness in me youthl"-
North American.
What's in a Name.
"I like good drink of hot water in
the morning, but we can't get it at our
boarding house"
81 used to have the same difficulty
In our boarding house, but now take
coffee. 1t answers every purpose. -
Boston Transcript.
Too High.
At recent birthday party in Shep-
herds Bush q young hdy began
song, "The autumn days have come,
ten thousand leaves are falling"
She began too high "Ten thou
sand" she screamed, and then
stopped.
'Start her at five thousand" cried
an auctioneer who was present.-Tit-
Bits.
The party paused now to contem.
plate Ixion on his wheel.
81 don't see where the torture comes
in" whispered Aneas.
Pluto, who was personally conduct
ing the tour of the distinguished Tro-
jams, pointed silently to the name
plate; it was last years wheel.
The son of Anchises shuddered and
hurried on.-Truth.
Easier.
"What nonsense it is" remarked
the sentimental girl, ''to take daisies
and by plucking off the petals try to
learn whether or not a man loves
you"
eyes," replied Miss Cayenne; SIT is
very silly. A much better method is
to take the roses he sends you around
to the florists and find out how much
they cost. Washington Star.
Esthetical.
"Here are few letters L wish you
would mail for me, DEAR" said Mrs.
Tenspot to her husband, who was pre-
pairing to go out.
As Mr.. Tenspot took them he glanced