The times., 1897-07-11
THUNDER DID NOT CRASH
Weather Sage Falls Thirteen
Stories and Tells a Secret.
MAKING PARTISAN WEATHER
The Hot Spell an Alleged Repuh-
liean Scheme-Men Do Not Need
Meat and Coal in Weather Like
This-COld Waves Are Productive
of Democratic Votes.

Hanging on the north wall ofthe Weather
Bureau. directly under an electric fan
and above the water cooler. is a simple
reminder Of suspended navigation and
cold feet II is the cold wave signal
board. Last night its face was turned
toward the wall, Near it, neatly folded,
lay a white flag with blackened center
packed in camphor. Against the back
fence leaned prostrated sunfIower with
freckles on its face and thirsty look
To The Times man these were suggestive
sights
The weather Sage sat on the fire-escape
clad in angel white, with a tuck around
the bottom He was listening for the
thunder Now and then, when the Salvation
Army drummer smote the sheepsSia Or the
sound of Iate-s5yle shirt boorued down
the street, a look Of happy expectation
overcast the Sage.
THAT thunder storm has either failed
to go off or has game off, y mpatheticauy
suggested The Times man
Yes. ] don't seem to lie able to round
it up" sadly said the Sage I have been
running the weather ever since was old
enough 10 be a reporter continued the
Sage. and l have never before slipped
up on thunder storm in summer.
Usually they occur so frequently that it
is very easy to predict them This time,
~
thunder storm fOT ten days and have
almost used up my assortment OF Iea sons
for its failure to appear 1 think Jupiter
must have sore threat
'.There used 10 be a time" said tie
Sage, -wEenthe Weather Bureau y as Young
and strong, when it was easy to blew Gown
barns, turn oak trees into tCoibpIckS and
cleave the ear Of men with the cIaShing
of angry gods. 1t used to lie Just as easy
to do this as it is now tO cheat the Jail
with cash, have siIken sofa in your cell,
or flirt with JGstice.'
Sage, said the reporter. ''youT cor
| duet i 5 too thin. YOI promised q thunder
storm yesterday afternoon, and as "a bluff
/ that you desired u fulnn this promise. you
mustered up a few pale clouds from the
South and spriDkIed the streets with
weather You fear cold weather You
are Republican and under the direction
| OF this Administration you are producing
| Republican weather.
| This charge came upon the Sage so
suddenly that he fell from the fire escape.
He struck upon the bricks thirteen stories
below, aud being deliTioUs from his hur-
ried descent he spoke as follows:
young man, YOU have guessed nv
secret. Murder viii out Guldensuppe
Will be avenged / Go not desire o. bring
cold wave to Washington. am standing
in with this Administration, and cold
| heather means hunger FOR the masses, and
cold weather and hunger mean Democratic
! votcs- In warm weather there needn't be q
| fire on the hearth and the system needs but
little meat. IN warm weather the ragged
children lOn around the public parks and
drink from the flowing fountains When
| this is 50, there Is no searching inquiry into
the question OF the ownership OF the earth.
In warm weather the employer goes to
! Europe or to Newport and does not flash
his splendor before the sGnken eyes Of the
employed. Itis good deal easier to make
men believe that they are well governed
| while the weather IS warm and sunny than
when it is drear and cold. This is why I
am producing high-grade Republican
weather -