Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-08-28
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delay"
She-And what would you be now IL
II weren't for my money! He-A bach.
clor.--Boston Tiaveler.
Il saw singleton with his wheels to.
day" why not say bicycle?" BE
cause II was a baby carriage"
'low much have repairs cost you
since you've been riding the bicycle"
"Repairs to what-myself or the ma.
Chinei' -Boston Traveller.
1lusband-How do you like the view3
Wife with ecstacy)-Oh! I am speech.
less. Husband-1 shall stay and build
q house.-Journal Amusant.
Bibman-Did your watch stop when
you dropped It on the floor? Magley-
az course it did. Did you think Il
would go through?-Tit.Bits.
where's yer brother got to lately.
'1izaf" "'E got ten days for knockin'
a pleeceman down." "W'ot? ten days
for one pleeccman;"-Pick-Aie-Up.
I'm sure I'll never be able TO walk
mp the aisle with papa" why not,
my childf' Papa Is so ridiculously
low geared. "--Cleveland Plaindealer.
do you suppose scorching is the
cnuse of all these bicycle faces we
see?' "Shucks. no! In nine eases out
Of ten it's the installmcnt PLAN
Truth.
Frank-Some genius in Birmingham
has invented a buttonless shirt. Billy
Why. that's old. I've worn them
ever since my wife learned to ride a
bike.-Tid.Bits
Mr.. Kashbocks--My money Is a lot
Of trouble to me. Miss Mayting-They
say every man ought to have some
woman to share his troubles.-Cincin.
natl Enquirer.
She-who wns It that said There's
no such word rs fail?' He-Oh. don't
remember: some smart Alec who never
tried to open car window. l suppose.
--Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs, Fussanfeather-I understand
that Mr.. Tnllman kissed you on the
stoop last night. Miss Fussanfeather
Why. yes, mamma: he's SO tall no
had to.-Yonkers Statesman.
Nurse-Johnnie, the stork has
brought you a little baby. wouldn't
you like to see your little brotherf
.Johnnie-Naw. But I'd like to see
the stork.-Stockholm Kasper.
IL have Just taken life to save my
own" "What do you meanT III
hadn't taken that Life Of Grant the
woman book agent would have talked
me to death."--Cleveland Plaindealer.
Wheeler-Whew! Isn't this day .
scorcher? Walker-lt has been dis.
agreeable, exasperating. muggy, infer.
nally hot day. but I would not call It
no mean a name rs that.--Indianapolis
Journal.
George, I fear you are marrying me
inst because my uncle left me a for
tune" "No. my precious. I'd marry
YOU lust the same as II any other
friend had left 1t to you."-Boston
Traveller.
"You have, aw. no leisure claws IN
this country, aw," remarked the IN
terrogntive visitor. you can't have
seen a room full Of government clerks
In action" replied the native Amcra'
can.-Life.
Excited Wife-Oh, professor, the
cook has fallen and broken her collar
hone. Discharge her at
once! You told her what to expect II
she broke anything more.-Detroit
TreePress.
look at that girl!' exclaimed Mrs.
PrIm at the seashore; 'she might as
well have nothing on as that bathing
suit! "Never mind. my dear. Ill Gov.
or her with my glasses" said Mr.. Prim
enthusiastically, suiting the action to
the word.-Ben Franklin.
"Why," said the patriot, "the United
States would have picnic with Japan
II she objected to our annexation OF
the Hawaiian islands," "Of course"
echoes Joe COse, ''aN the islands
would furnish the sandwlches."-Phil'
adclphia North American.
II WONDER" said the man Of stats.
tical turn. II wonder how much pow
der 10 destroyed daily In useless "a
lutesY" There must he lot" said
the frivolous girl. But ! suppose
women will 60 on kissing one another
Just the mme."-Indianapol Journal.
The Doctor-Mrs. Brown has sent for
me to 20 and sec her boy, and must
10 at once. His Wife-What Is the
matter with the boy? The Doctor-I
don't know, but Mrs. Brown has book
ON "What to DO Before the Doctor
Comes" and I must hurry up before
she does it.-Medical Record.
Dear" said the Senator's wife, the
papers are accusing you Of letting the
stock market influence your vote" 1T
10 q lie," rcx.ed the statesman, as he
pounded the table with his fist. "An
have done In that direction was to al.
low my vote to influence my dealings
IN the stock market."-Indianapolis
Journal.
"What il an average?' asked the
teacher. The class seemed to be posed,
but q little girl held out her hand ca
xerly. "Please, it's what q hen lays
her eggs on" Bewilderment followed.
hut the mite was justified by the les
son book, in which was written: ''rhe
hen lays 200 eggs year on an aver
age."-HousehOld Words.
An Old Russian Coin.
1t IL a singular fact that the reigns OF
female sOvereigns have been d!stin.
puished by the number Of medals is