New-York tribune., 1897-07-18
. no CIGARETTE-SMOKERS WANTED.

BUT THIS YouNGsTER GOT PLACE AFTER ALL
prosperous man OF AFFAIRS. who has his oiices
in a downtown sky-scraping structure entered the
h,ua,,a tho other day with a disturbed look on his
face Although a man with full confidence in HIM
self and one whose judgment was considered second
70 no one else's in the Street. he was extremely
doubtful OF the result OF the task before him' lie
was in trouble because his office boy had LETT him.
and he was forced 20 engage another. The boy who
had gone had been a pretty good one, az Doys 60
He had bossed the boss and run the office for about
a year and was all right when he had his own way
Rut one unfortunate afternoon he told the boss that
he wanted 10 get off. his brother-in-aw had died
and he desired to go 10 the funeral
II want TO 20 to the ball game myself" said the
"old man" chuckiing as he recalled how many
times that old funeral excuse had been sprung on
him by office boys. so l guess. James, you VIII
have 10 mind shop to-day"
James didn't appear at the office next morning
but an irate woman who said she was his mother
did and she soundly berated the employer for his
inhumanity In keeping James away from MS
brother-in-iaw's funeral.
The boss tried to explain matters by saying that he
thought James only wanted an excuse 10 go to the
ball game. and that ne did not know there had been
a death In the family. but II was no good The
whole family branded the old man as brute OF
the deepest dye, and James did not return 20 his
duties.
In consequence OF this the employer inserted an
advertisement in OF the newspapers for an office
boy. and he had got down 10 the office half an hour
earlier than usual TO receive the applicants for the
place.
There long line Of them In the hallway In
front OF his Office and he heard much criticism.
some favorable and some otherwise. on his general
appearance as he pushed his way through the
throng He called the boys into his office one by
one and subjected each OF them TO a searching ex-
animation as to his experience. fitness etc. He in
,i,. ppish shad I'M uAf afiO
smoke cigarettes" The boys as invariably declared
that they did not.
Never smoked one O ther dope sticks In me life"
declared the first boy called into the office.
Didn't eh?" replied the "old man." Let
see your fingers" The youngsters fingers
stained a deep dirty yellow color and he was told he
was not wanted.
Oats not cegarue stain. dat amt" insisted the
second boy called into the Office "dats paint of
faders house"
The excuse wouldn't work. however and he
ushered out. were several more young asplran,s
for office honors
Finally a bright-eyed red-headed youngster
tered the Office and answered all the questions pro-
pounded to him in a satisfactory way
Now. my boy. came the final test. tell me
truthfuly. do you smoke cigarettesT"
What's them? Those little paper cigars?'
swered the youth.
"Yes, exactly"
Nope: never drew one uf them inter me lungs in
me life" continued the boy.
Let me your hands"
The boy poked out chubby fist him. The
man examined 1t critically. but failed to detect the
slightest evidence OF tobacco STAIN
You're engaged" he finally said.
Bully fer you. replied the youth. so long,
I'll be work in de morning" He then went
out whistng There's Only One Girl In the World
for Me" and Joined his anxious comrades the
hallway.
''Yous- felers all go home" ne said.
Whats yer given us? Did yer get der job"
piped hal: "a dozen voices.
''Bet yer life" replied the urchin.
There loud murmur OF surprise from the
crowd and finally one OF the youngsters exclaimed
How d yer do. Chimmy? DE oil man said dat he
didn't want no dope-stick smokers. an yer knows
yer de wutses, dope iend In der push"
"Oh, yousc fellers was so slow dat yer make me
tired replied "Chimmie' I'm a disgusted tone OF
voice Course | hit lie dope sticks. but dye yer
t'ink wusnt cute 'nough ter keep II from de oil
man.
Guess yer had pull. yer couldn't have fooled
his joblots. said one of the youngsters
EASIEST ting In de world" answered "Chimniy."
"As soon | read his advertisement In de poiper
I knew dat he wus agin dopesticks what does
do but soak me fingers In turpentine all night, an
in de morning dey clean newborn
I I.1.