The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1897-07-31


derful number of articles. He would
pick them out one by one, talking VOLT
bly, all the while, and placing on each
a fictitious value, as a matter OF course,
finally winding up in a smiling persu-
aslve way, Now who will have this
one. Only twenty-five cents; Just one
quarter OF dollar" He sold them like
hot cakes, but time came when there
was q sort Of lull In the market. As
II dlvining the thoughts OF some who
stood around listening to his jokes and
his snappy epartee-people who In
their minds were wondering how he
could sell so many really marketable
goods for so little, he ventured an ex-
PLANTATION. Now" said he, with a NOR
ny twinkle In his eyes. II suppose you
are wondering how / can let you have
these articles so cheaply Well, II you
promise not to give the secret away to
the police, III whisper It to anyone who
comes up and takes the next package"
-
Not soul was disposed to desire the
confidence for time, until presently
one roughly clad man finally mustered
up courage enough, laid down his quar-
ter and cooked his ear to one side in n
receptive position for the conhdentinl
information. Did our faklr friend whis-
per? Not at all. But in a loud voice,
audible a block away, and with broad
grin on his goodnatuced face,he shout
ed: I'm tell you how 1t is. l have
three brothers in New York City who
work while other people sleep" The
purchaser looked sheepish. but the
crowd reared. and being In a good hui
NOR the quarters came out OF their
pockets without the asking
But that was not the worst Of It. My
companion who had been enjoying the
scene with me, failed to smile at this
Joke. lie didn't seem TO digest 1t, for
he turned around to me and with n
helpless look on his face remarked that
he really couldn't see where the laugh
came in. My speeches. amaZement
gave way to murderous thoughts when
he lnnocently added: "Why, l have
three brothers who work while other
people sleep. They are newspaper men,
but / can't extract anything funny out
OF that fact"
Memories of Job Talk about patience
on u monument, 1t Is wonder how
repressed myself and spared him a So
lar plexus Jolt for his dense stupidity.
satisfied myself with calling him a
Klondyke sleeping bag and Yukon
tenderfoot who wouldn't know mug
get Of gold II It had tag and fire
alarm gong attached to It. With all
my confidence In my own perspicaclty,
and generous belief In that OF my
readers. almost fear that proper foot
motto should accompany this story. But
/ wont furnish It II ] die for 1t.
The canvas moves and another pic
ture Is presented. 1t is that OF a smart
ly gowned girl, with considerable af-
fectation of manner, who has taken an
overdose OF correct speech, and who Is
trying to bunco a green goods man. He
can't exactly get his bearings. What
is It you want. mlss?" he inquiries, with
a troubled look
What l desired" she replied, with n
little contemptuous shrug OF her balloon
sleeves. was a few sprlgs OF celery"
The dispenser OF vegetables scratched
his head for a moment and then an "
ray Of intelligence penetrated his intel
lectual gloom as he spluttered out:
was Il punches you wanted, ma'am?"
Certainly" replied Miss Correct Ex-
preston And as the thermometer kent
going down, she freezlngly added: AL
so, q small measure OF beans"
followed that young woman around
expecting her to stop at the sausage
butchers stall and inquire for "a few
links of canine capsules" But she
didn't. II she had there would have
been a murder. With all her overpow-
erlng elegance III bet that young lady
well. anyhow I'll wager she does
something that everybody else does be-
fore eating supper.
What's that? Why, eats her dinner
OF course.
Everyone knows the man who play
fully digs you in the ribs with his
thumb. sometimes to show other
people how well acquainted he Is
with you, and on other occa-
slons to emphasize some point
in his conversation. He Ia very
unpleasant product Of society, and !
have oftencd wondered that more Of his
class have not come to sudden and UNI
expected grief 80 when one OF these
rib punCheTs was stricken not only by
the hand Of fate. but by n woman, In
the Fifth ward market the other day. II
was with unrcstralncd Joy that Joined
In swelling the volume OF laughter that
greeted the discounted man. or course
the woman was not tlckled on her real
ribs, but corset steel IL Just ns sem
sltlye sometimes, and II was the act
per go and not the physical discomfort
that aroused her Indignation. Under
more favorable conditions, perhaps,
such n playful and tender manifestation
Of friendship might not have been 70
vigorously resented, but no Bclf.rcsppet-
Ing woman enjoys being subjected TO
such familiar evidences Of ncduaint-
anccship In public places.
Tho woman In this case was n finely
formed, pleasant faced, vigorous ma
lron. Just 40 she was passing green
rroccr'a stall the man In charge, who
was evidently acquainted with her, pro-
icotc1 his thumb In her tlbH "a cRll lor
attention to certain article he had for
sale. We'll, say, you ought to nave
seen II. for I know you would nave en-
ioycd II an much nv did, II wasn't y
stralght-out blow, but u sort N a sweep
lng slap with the open palm, aud CO., the
woman'a hand was of rather generous
proportions, It caught tho rh-lEFur
fnlr ON tho rhcct and he went down
quicker than C0rbctt did whom "l'l'E'
nut him 10 Hlocp And the w0mnn2
Aho never looked around but pnWurl
tic oven tenor NJ her way with tho
Inundated prUyuCnlUr, huWcvur II was
another story Amid the iuura md