Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1897-11-04
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HHAAAS~dHu lucTe are Ten Ol lueul. -
Chicago Daily News.
what are all those ribbons hanging
on the chandelier" CHOSE are not
ribbons; they are neckties I've pulled
off different men when l was learning
to ride ii wheel."-Chicago Record.
Why are yez decorating, Mrs. Mnr-
phy?' Me by Denny is coming home
the day" II thought he was sent up
for foive years" Eyes, but he got a
year off for good ~behavoure." "Sure, it
must be comfortin' for yez to have q
good by like that."-Tit-Bit
Mr.. Dunham-I have called, sir, to
tell you that your daughter, Miss Fam
ME, and l love each other very dearly.
l want to ask you for her. Old Mil
yuns-Well, you'll have to wait q
while. There's no vacancy in the store
now that l could put you into.-Cleve-
land Leader.
Itaggles-Wo't yer doin', Weary, wild
de tellerscope? Weary-Lookin' fer
work. Raggles-Lookin' fer work?
Wot fer? Weary-So's l kin avoid it.
l wuz jest sizin' up de houses round
here ter see eff l can't strike one dat
keeps n gaserline can instid Nv a wood
pile.-Judge.
Il can always distinguish between
this win ordinaire and red ink" said
the regular diner at the table d'hote.
'Howy asked the casual customer.
by the label on the BOTTLE said the
regular with a fiendish grin. This
shows the Importance of judicious adj
yertising.--Judge.
Eisitor-What! He is three months
old and you haven't named him yet?
Mrs. Wleeler-No! You see, it's this
way: l want to name him after my BIZ
cycle, and John insists on naming him
after his. | guess we will have to COM
promise and name him after the wheel
mother rides-Puck.
Mrs. de Temper am not happy
with my husband. Shall l drive him
away? Lawyer-His life is insured in
your favor, isn't it? Mrs. de Temper
Yes; made him do thai before we
married. Lawyer-Well. don't drive
him off. He'll die quicker where he is.
New York Weekly.
Irate customcr-See here! That suit
of clothes bought Of you yesterday
is full Of moth holes. Dealer-Das Is
all recht, mine frient. Moths neffer eat
cotton. an ven ladies' an shentlemens
see dose holes dey knows you wears
only high-priced all-vool goots.-Ncw
York Weekly.
"Jim made an awful blunder last
week" What was that?" He got
an invite to Name Scroggs' wedding,
and felt too poor to buy a present. So
he sent a note of regret. which read
like this: I have been called out Of
town. Please excuse my presents.'"-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Blinkly-John, dear, won't you
discharge Mary? You know how afraid
l am of her. Mr.. Blinkly-Certainly.
No servant a eve scare me. "a lit
tie while after.) Mary-ahem! Mrs.
Blinkly has asked me to tell you that
she wants to see you after l have gone
to the office.-Brooklyn Life.
Yesterday" said Jabson, II refused
a supplicant woman a request for a
small sum of money, and in conse-
quence of my act l passed a sleepless
night. The tones of her voice were
ringing in my airs the whole time"
"Your softness of heart does you cred.
it," said MADISON: "who was the WON.
an?" my wife."-Detroit Free Press.
"Do you mean to say" asked the WIS.,
ltor, in horror, that the gentleman
was shot for simply rising and making
a motion during a meeting Of your de-
batting society,"" "Suttlnly," said the
Colonel, but you must remembah, sab,
that the motion he was called down on
was made in the direction of his hip.
pocket, sah."-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Greene-Tell me, aren't there
any expresses running to your town?
Mrs. Gray-Of course there are; plenty
Of them. Why do you ask? Mrs.
Grecne-My husband has told me that
lie has seen your husband almost ev-
cry night on his way home, and he al
Ways had more than he could carry
Boston Transcript.
~Judge-Yon admit that you entered
the house Of the prosecuting witness
by the door at . o'clock in the morn
ing? Prisoner-Yes, your honor. Judge
What business did you have there at
that time Of night? Prisoner thought
it was my WI house. J~udge-Then
why did you, when this lady approach
ed, leap through the window, jump
into the cistern, and hide yourself?
prisoner-Your honor, I thought 1t was
my wife.NTruth.
Lady ito manager of employment bu-
reau)-What nationality is that bright
/ looking, dark-complexioned girl over in
the corner? I've addressed her in
| French. Spanish and Italian, but she
| doesn't seem to understand either. Man
ager (briskly)-Tried the United States
| dialect on her? mo, l lever thought Of
that" Perhaps she might under
stand you II you did. She was born
| ouL 1,rc1ivht ul in New YOrE"-yew