Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-13
TALKING MACHINES, ETC.
siukers EnIightened About Modern
Progress md n Point of
Etiquette.

From the New York Sun.
WAS YOU on der celebration oof der postal
Officer" asked the Sinker Man as Sarsapa-
riIIa Reilly pulled up a chair to get a cops
club sandwich in the little restaurant.
You name the interinauguoration av tn
new postmaster, Mr.. Van Cott," said Reil-
ly.
Der blowout" said Sinkers; "der sere-
nation nit der letter carrier band"
No" remarked Reilly, "Oi wasn't there,
cause OF wasn't invoited. and whin a
mans not invoited to a place II names that
they don't want him to come unless he's a
policeman, dyer see? But what's about it!'
well. l we're thinking dot l wish he we're me
airy dough und he could git my work
Amy workin' man I'D take tn postmas-
ter's Job off av his hands," said Reilly.
Sure" rejoined Sinkers. 'for Why not;
even mems What don't work would like to
have it. Shust look at der profits from der
cards alone. What? My, Reilly, a man
could get rich in one day mitout Waiting
sooner. l could get dem stamps printed less
as a t'ousand for so cents. Dot would be
$3.50 for profit. Und when l make 2-cent
stamps l make twice so much as before und
more besides cause dey would only cost %
cents for shust so much as 1t would be for
Decent stamps a t'ousand, as for 1-cent
Oh no. said Reilly, sit w'u'dn't be all
profit. bekase ye'd have ter pay IN clarks
and tn letter carriers and tn drivers av
tn mail wagons. An thin look at tn ter
rible amount ye'd be paytn' out on money
what's a money order?" asked sinkers.
"a money order? Well, whin Dim in Bos-
ton an you're in New York. you can send
me s. by money order, an OIL git II in Bos-
ton by telegraph In one minute. =.
My. how We are Improvement patents,
said Sinkers. "Pooty soon mebbe someone
will git up a machine for bathing in Con-
ey Island ven We are in Hoboken. Reilly,
Reilly. times are much vonderfuller as
What dey we're when l we're a boy, ain'd 1t?
Shust t'ink; We can talk on telephones 10
people what We don't see, What are not
where We are, und We can look into our
hearts NIT der Xerson rays, und We can
talk to ourself nit der phonomgraph und
We can shoot cannon balls eighteen million
hundred miles midout ease. und now We
can money telegram to somebody What
amt dere at all! Ach. my. Reilly, L get
so astonishment sometimes / t'ink I'm
goin' to Berlin on a lectric water boat.
Mebbe after We live out ven see yet ma
chinery mems vhat'll do our work., und
cry for us, und talk for us when we're tired,
und eat for us. und-vell, all What We want
done"
don't want no machinery men to eat for
me. I kin do me own eatin' an drinkin
1 wouldn't moind havin' one that 'ud pay
me rent an give tn, Guild woman n weeks
MT moind that. But one thing, Sinkers;
OF wudn't want a machine that I'D talk
Dootch. If 1 had one to do that I'd break
u III DtOlNu htNh AOA
Now you're commencin' again" said
the Sinker man: 'pooty soon you'll. say
what my vife's a Dutch talkin machine,
und dot I'm yet worse. Mebbe you got a
Irish talkin' machine in your house, but
you dassent tell her dot
How'd on. yer bunch av knotted sauer-
crowd" shouted Reilly; "ff yer say one
word about Mary Ellen I'll lick yer round
this room till there won't be enough av
yer left ter make a bowl av hassenpfefer
stew"
please" said Sinkers: 81 didn't said
something bout your Mary Jane. only dot
she's a nice lady-der nicestest in der hull
Irish fair"
"An roight." said Reilly; that's sufi-
cient. But don't talk that way again.
For Why / should? We are frfends-man
to man should let not vomans interfere In
our business. If my wife talks something
back to me tonight I'll tell her dot I'm
der one what married her, und dot she did
not marry me-"
And OfH tell mine tn same" said Reil-
ly, as they shook hands and parted.