davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
MARSHALL p. WILDER.
A Sketch Of the Little Humorist as Writ.
ten by Himself.

was born niDe years after Bill Nye.
IN the state of New York. At one year
made a kick, and my father moved me
from out of the state into the city Of
New York. My father, being a physi-
clan, later took me to Hartford for nv
health, where | began to laugh and
grow fat. l have been laughing ever
since
M : first partner in the funny business
was the red headed son of the taller in
Hartford. he played Buffalo Bill-tlo
only one who ever played the part wi,
red hair, but that was his conception
1t. We made money Our stage was & "a
scaffold, which was kept in the garrc
except when there was hanging, VIII
we took off the play,
On returning to New York city,
found myself without the red headed
friend and without means. For a time
l buried my talent in Bradstreet $
agency as file boy ut So per week. /
mixed in so many jokes with my work
that the letters didn't read seriously
enough. Then j went TO England and
waited for things to come my way.
They came in walk, while the $40 |
had left kept going in trot. / found
that living i'll small hall bedroom
made me narrow minded, so | staid out
in the park several nights to give my
self room, as well as to air my repertoy.
concluded it was weak in me to bury
my gifts simply because | was in hard
luck, so | began series of free enter
tainments aud became so popular that |
began taking three cups of coffee a day,
instead of one, as heretofore.
Among those who took advantage of
the cheap prices was the Prince of
Wales. 1t cost him nothing to laugh, so
he laughed. Several people wanted to
know what he was laughing at He re-
piled, THAT. had told joke about
| the mother-in-la which struck the
lost chord III the princes heart and
woke up a responsive, sympathetic pang.
l have been charging all could get for
my services ever since Being Repub-
| lican, struck myself off the free list,
as | no longer consider myself raw ma.
terial
| y
this city, am known by nearly all the
| street car drivers, who never fail to hunt
me up before get off.
My family consists of my father
whose constant, patient companion l am.
In retaliation for my gags" he prac
tees daily his school of homeopathy
OH me. 1t is hard to tell which gets the
worst of it. We have as many rooms {
we wish, but only one home. His heat
is silver-heart gold. We are pals.
In this autobiography / have, in m,
shrinking way, left out most OF m,
strong points, as is becoming at sucl
times. Yet, if l have unjustly Islander
ed myself. there be others who have tin
right to set me square before an out
ragged public. Far be it from me TO d.
myself justice. The end. Merrily yours
Marshall p. Wilder in Empire Mag
azine.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
MARSElllES.
Its Splendid Site Discovered by Greeks
Twenty-Five Centuries Ago.

Every sort of commerce is represented
upon the quays and in the warehouses
Of MaTseilles, writes sir Edwin Arnold
in the London Telegraph, but her prin-
cipal commodities are cereals, oil seeds,
coal, sugar, coffee, hides, wool and silk,
which 6,000,0 600 tons of shipping bring
take or away. Often and often, as have
myself visited this stately city, the gran
deur and beauty OF her situation, the
brightness Of her sunlit hills, and the
grouping of her white rocks mirrored in
he blue sea always have for me fresh
charm and always fill me with admira-
tion for those wise Phocean Greeks
who came upon this splendid site in
their wandering galleys 20 centuries
ago and saw at once, with the eyes of
sailors and with the courage of empire
founders, what an opportunity nature
had here granted to the makers of his
tory for a maritime metropolis. They
were soon strong enough, those old Lev
antines, to defeat even the Carthagini-
ans in Corsican waters and to conclude
equal alliances with the rising power of
Rome. They planted their thriving col
onies all along the sunny Riviera, at
Taur9is, which is now Ciotat; at Oh
bia, which is today Hyeres; at Antipo-
| lis. which the Frenchman of the present
time names Antilles, and at Nicea,
which was Italian and known as NiZza,
until it became French and fashionable
| as Nice.
Marseilles was so enlightened and
cultivated city in the time of Tacitus
that Agricola had been educated there,
and it possessed temples as majestic as
any in Sicily or Magma Gracia. for
get all its medieval and modern associ
ations when, pacing the streets and
quays, | see again those dark eyes
those strongly marked proflles, the blacl
tresses with blue lights upon their coils
and braids and the elastic tread ant
measured steps which still make Mar
settles Phoc9an as far as concern many
among her working population. No in
termixture of races has sufficed to effac'
the old Greek countenance and gait
You will see the same men and womei
under Mount Carmel in track and alb
has and embroidered shirts as you NEE
here going up to Notre Dame de Il
Garde or around the Basin de i
Toilette.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
An Imperial Catechiser.

Sometimes it is inconvenient not to
be able to use quotation marks in speech
as they are used in print. A German
soldier of the First regiment of the
Royal Prussian guards found this fact
out not long ago.
The Emperor William is the honorary
captain of the first company of this reg
iment and takes especial pride in it. He
was lately engaged in putting its SOL
diers through an examination to test
their military knowledge and expert
ence.
"What would you do, )" he said to one
soldier, "if, when OH duty as a sentinel,
you saw crowd gather near your"
81 should politely request the people
to disperse, your majesty.
Good! But if one of the men in the
crowd approached you and sought to
worry your
81 should say to him, Don't worry
me, your majesty"
The whole of this remark seemed so
obviously addressed to one person
either to the supposed man in the crowd
or to the emperor-that the emperor
burst into a laugh and said, Very
well, my man. I'll disperse and will
not worry you any more. Youths
Companion.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Tne Ouera House Orchestra,

This Is a strictly first-class, up-to-date
organization and in every way prepared
to furnish the very best OF music for sa-
cred and secular concerts, parties, ETC., in
any part of the Upper Peninsula. No
amateur affair, but professional music by
professional musicians. Charges moder-
ate. For terms and dates apply to the
musical director and manager, Mr.. Max
Won Lenz, 205 Eighth street, Red Jacket
Special music arranged or supplied on
short notice without extra charge.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
GLUTTONY'S PENALTY.
Lives That Are Shortened by the Pleasures
of the Table.


In spite of the warnings and COM
mands of family physicians, i'll spite OF
the many examples of shortened lives
and lives Of suffering, men will yield
to the seductiveness of the pleasures of
the table. The spectacle of the man
who overeats or who deliberately eats
improper food is common enough, but
rarely do we see as plain evidence OF
the admiration for the glutton which
certain people possess as that which the
daily papers some time ago afforded. "A
we'll known bOniface died at an age
when he ought to have been enjoying
robust and vigorous health. Some slight
mention was made of his business ven
lures, of his daily life, of his reason for
living. But all this part of his exist
ence was immateiral and uninteresting.
The great and praiseworthy features OF
his life seem to have been gastronomic
feats and general ability to eat and
drink enormously. He was lauded as
the prince of bon vivants, the man who
could eat huge dinner and shortly
thereafter swallow brace OF broiled
Holsters and couple of Welsh rabbits.
washed down with copious libations OF
vintages or distillages or fermentages.
During his last illness, when his ply
sicians enjoined rest in bed and scru-
pulously careful diet, we read that he
was game enough to dress and go out
on the hotel porch to sit, winding up
his imprudence (and incidentally his
life) with hearty meal, in defiance OF
the medical directions. This last piece
of bravado was apparently considered
by certain newspaper reporters as an
achievement fit to rank with victory
OH battlefield, and the glutton was adj
miringly mentioned as though he were
brilliant and fearless hero, risking
his life in worthy cause.
The newspapers were not creating
sentiment, but merely catering to one
already formed in thus aiding gluttony.
The only conclusion we can draw is
that the epicurean philosophy still has
its cult, and that many mans motto
is, "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow
we die" The case is left to the moral
ist.-American Medical-SuIgical Bull
letin
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
The Harvard Shirt.

Where so many men are working on
independent lines, with so much to keep
them apart and so little, comparative
~ to draw them together, one may rea-
sonably wonder whether such thing
as common Harvard spirit any longer
exists. 1t does exist, so men say who
abide by the university and who ought
10 know. They see it and feel it. 1t
uoes not penetrate all individuals in
the same degree, but it is reckoned with
ana observed as definite force. The
men best qualified to Judge of it insist
mat 1t makes for veracity, for a high
sense OF honor and for good manners.
indifference has sometimes been
charged against Harvard, and perhaps
not without some basis, but not indif-
ference to truth. That is her quest in
science and in philosophy and the basis
Vi her law in matters of conduct. Veri-
@s was not written ON the Harvard
snieid Tor nothing The Harvard spirit
may need to be awakened and nourish-
euand kept alive, but 1t is worth keep
ing alive, for truth is its most perva-
sive element. Edward s. Martin in
Scribner's.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
BIRDS AND KITES.
The Feathered Creatures Cannot Under
stand the Strange Filters.

The Feathered Creatures Cannot Under
stand the Strange Filters.
Many amusing experiences have been
the lot of the scientists who have been
manipulating kites for scientific pur-
poses, says the Chicago News. Large
birds are always interested in the
strange devices floating in the air and
cannot quite make out what they are.
Prompted by sharp curiosity, they how
er around the floating kite and subject
themselves to the danger of becoming
entangled in the silken string and be-
ing dragged down to earth.
No bird, however, has ever alighted
on kite or attacked one. While one
scientist was flying train Of five kites
a couple of years ago a large, silver
tipped eagle came suddenly out of the
higher air and swooped round and
round the first kite, looking against the
sunset sky like huge silver ball. AS
the train of kites was pulled in the eagle
followed, visiting one kite and then an
other, seeming uncertain just what to
do. In few minutes, when he seemed
to have decided that they were not good
to eat, and be kneY nothing about
them, anyway, he Indignantly flew of
and was lost to view
Another experience was had with a
stork that came from the New Jersey
side of the Hudson and flew straight
for the queer object in the air. He ap-
parently had made up his mind to go
straight through it, but changed and
dove underneath. He went around and
above it, and through glass it could
be seen that he cooked his eye at the
intruder in most comical manner. He
started away few hundred feet,
changed his mind, and came swooping
back. He finally reluctantly went away,
mystified over this queer addition to
the inhabitants of the air.
While kites were high in the air one
March fiocks of geese flying in the
wedge flew over They invariably stop
ped, broke up, lowered above the queer
object, and at last slowly reformed and
few away. While the larger birds all
come from heights above the kite, the
small birds of the air will alight on
the string holding the kite and sway to
and fro.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Take Notice.

have just received new stock OF
domestic and imported woolens, which
will be made up to order in suits OF any
stvle desired.
One thing sure is: If you try me once
YOU will patronize me again, Work and
fit fully warranted. John b. Rastello,
merchant tailor, PIP Sixth street.
Do not make objection to the street as
it is not the street that makes your
clothes, but first-class tailor with eigh-
teen years experience.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Cigarettes at Auction.

A party of regulars in Charterland
had been ont for some time in the veldt,
and their supply of minor Injuries had
long since given out. There was not n
pipe of tobacco TO be raised in the whole
force, when some good, thrifty soul pro-
duced package of cigarettes and said
that he would put them up to auction.
This was done, and the packet of ten
pieces was disposed of in ten lots at an
average price of 10 shillings each. -
Johannesburg South Africa Standard
and Diggers' News.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Gartner's store,

Mrs. A. Tween, residing at 100 Henry
ST., Alton, ILL.,, suffered with sciatic rheu-
matism for over eight months. She doc
tored for it nearly the whole OF this time,
trying various remedies recommended bv
friends, and was treated by the physi-
cians, but received no relief. She then
used one and half bottles of Chamber
lein's Pain Balm, which effected CON-
plete cure. This is published at her re-
quest. as she wants others similarly
afflicted to know what cured her. The
20 and so cent sizes for sale by Solder
gren & So1ergren, Druggists.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18

The "Crush" dead squelch" and Other
Terms Expressive of Student Life.

College girl slang is not often heard
outside Of college walls. To outsiders it
is chiefly interesting because it gives
glimpses of college life. Take the word
prod, for example. A prod" would
scarcely be met with except III the coli
lege world, although prodigies might.
II is always a question whether a girl
who is called prod receives the
term in appreciation or disgust. There
are two sorts of "prods, one receiving
the term from pure brilliancy in some
particular line, the other for general
studiousness. The latter are the most
irritating fo. they are always ready
with answers in recitations, while the
brilliant prod" may be on the ordinary
plane of intelligence when out OF her
particular sphere. She is "prod"
through no fault of her own. A dis
tinctly woman's collegiate word is
"crush. F." expressing a relationship be-
tween two girls hard to define. One
girl, generally an underclassman and
usually freshman, becomes much at
tached to another girl, ordinarily an
upperclass girl. The younger girl Is
| Ou Vic OtItI, rtlluS ilti nON
ers and tries in various ways to give
expression to her admiration. The
crush" soon passes over, the admirer
finding some flaw in her idol, or else,
as is often the case, the ''crush" at
length loses its youthful sentimentality
and settles down into good friendship.
| If, however, before either Of these
states are reached the object of the
"crush" gets weary of the devotion,
she resorts to what in college parlance
is known as 'squelching," the highest
form of which is I'd. S." or dead
squelch. " This method indeed has often
to be employed toward freshmen,
whether crushed" or not, TO teach
them their proper place. There is an
unwritten but we'll established decree
that upper class girls shall always be
held as superiors At the first of the
year, for instance, before the entering
class is thoroughly at home, it would
be decided breach of etiquette for 6
freshman to ask mighty senior OF
junior to dance. She must wait to be
invited. But the freshmen-well, they
don't understand all these important
points, but judicious use of the "deaC
squelch" will teach them good deal.
In much the same category will
slang are the authorizations rife at col
lege. Literature is always "lit," psy
chology "psych," dictionary "dic. ;
The abbreviation most in the minds o
the girls at present is that dreaded
monster, "exams. Volumes might b
written concerning the blue state of tn
atmosphere during the time when ever.
one is looking forward to the "exams.
In the corridors may be heard such ques
tions as "How many exams have yo
got?" "Do you think We'll have one il
'lit?' Then with gloomy foreboding
"Oh, I'm so afraid I'll funk. The
the synonyms for hard work come int
play, grind" "dig" and "bone. ~
New York Sun.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
CAUGHT BY A WORD.
The Possibilities of Working a Simple
Trick Two Ways.

Two ways
Three young men were seated at
table in q Market street restaurant. One
of them drew from his pocket and laid
upon the table II silver dollar. Beside 1T
he placed visiting card, with round
hole about half inch in diameter
pierced through its center. Said he:
see the fat, white dollar? See the lit
tie l in the card? Bet you the cigars
/ can ', the big dollar through the
little hol> "I'll go you," said one of
his companions, "but, remember, you
are to push that dollar through that
hole without charging the hole. !"
"Tbat's what, responded the proposer
of the feat.
Laying the dollar fiat on the table,
he held the card on edge just behind 1T.
Then he produced a pencil which he
showed through the hole in the card un-
til it touched the edge of the coin.
pushing the dollar-through the hole,
see?" 'Here comes Jonesey," said the
loser LEND me your dollar and your
funny card, and I'll get revenge. Oh, l
won t do thing to Jonesey.
A lengthy, cadaverous young fellow,
with a vacuous expression, drifted into
the vacant place at the table. Jones
ey," said the loser of the cigars,
there's big dollar and here's little
round hole in card. Bet you l can put
the dollar through the hole just as it is
loser to pay all four of our checks.
Done" said Jonesey. The other pro-
ceeded to repeat the action of the first
trickster. "Hold on" drawled Jonesey
languidly; "your contract is to put the
dollar through the hole l didn't bet
you could push it through the perfora-
ton. You see, dear boy, I've been up
against the game hitherto. "-Philadel-
phia Record.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
The Laugh on Jowett.

Once when Professor Jowett was Wis.,
iting his friend and pupil, Professor
Sellar, he declared that he never gave
to beggars. Mrs. Sellar was an adept in
"mystifications," an accomplishment
popular in Scotch society since Sir Wal
ter Scott's time. She disguised herself
as a poor highland woman and waylaid
her husband and Jowett at crossroad,
begging approximately and telling her
tale of woe so piteously that Jowett at
last said Poor thingl She seems very
miserable. Give her half crown" Sell
lar said he had no money with him, and
before the aims were forthcoming the
secret was triumphantly unveiled.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
New hardware store.

wish to introduce myself to the pres
ept residents Of Calumet and vicinity as
one OF Calumet's early fruits, having been
born here in 1869. have rented the old
store OF Wertin & Son, which l will short
~ open out with new stock OF hardware,
stoves, glassware, etc, and respectfully
ask for share of the trade in that line.
JOIN SALoMoNsoN,
454 Fifth Street, Red Jacket.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Please Take Notice.

We are pleased to tell you that we
make everything pertaining to the shoe
makers trade as cheap as ever from the
best quality OF leather. Mems boots or
shoes soled for 40 and so cents, ladies'
shoes soled for 30 and 40 cents. We
have a nice assorted stock OF fall and
winter SHOES, ana our own MAKE shoe
packs, which we will dispose "a ct very
low figures. Good work guaranteed,
OKER & KEMPPAEEN.
Fifth street, Red Jacket, next to Jacob
Gartner's store.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
The Grandest Remedy

Mr.. r. b. Greeve, merchant, OF Chill
howis, Va, certifes that he had con-
sumption. was given up to die, sought
all medical treatment that money could
procure, tried all cough remedies he could
hear OF, but got no relief; spent many
nights sitting up in a chair; was induced
to try DIR. Kings New Discovery and was
cured by use OF two bottles. For past
three years has been attending to busi-
mess, aud says, DR.. Kings New Discoy-
cry is the grandest remedy ever made, as
il has done 80 much for him and also for
others in his community. DR.. Kings
New Discovery is guaranteed for coughs,
colds and consumption. II don't fail.
Trial bottles free at d. t. Macconald's
drug store.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Lake Linden stage.

Stage leaves Pearce's livery stable
Lake Linden, every day at 8 a. m, 10 q.
M, 1 and A p. m. Stageleaves McClure's
livery stable, Red Jacket, at 8 a. M, 10
a. M, and and 4. p. IN.
THOMAS PEARCE,
JAMES MCCLURE,
Proprietors.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Geo.sc.Haiilo .tsnr.

fh st. Georges Hall is to rent Oh very
moderate terms on the following even
ings. Every Wednesday. every alternate
Thursday and three FRIDAYS In each
month. For further particulars apply to
John Jenkin, William Maynard. Frank
Ward. trustees
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
nuckien,s Arnlca Naive.

The best salve In the world for cuts,
bruises. sores, ulcers. salt rheum. fever
sores. letter. cbapped hands. chilblains.
corns. and all skin eruptions. and post
lively cures piles, or no pay required. II
ia guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction,
or money refunded. Price, % cents per
box. For sale by u. T.. Macdonald.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
The FlnlandOrs'

Mutual Fire Insurance company Of
Houghton and Keweenaw counties, or
ganized in 1890 according to the laws OF
the State of Michigan, will insure proper
t. o. it's members. Have paid fire losses
over 5000 and dividends nearly sc, 900
during the last seven years to members
Of five years standing. On the first day
OF this year the company had 4S2 men,
b,rs. S421, 4S0 worth OF property in
sured and S1O,66S.54 in treasury. For
further par ticulars apply to the under
signed. JOHN BLoMovIsT, President.
ALEX LENoNEN, Secretary.
Office. 448 Pine street, upstairs dRe
Jacket
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
To Make an Oyster Cocktail.

An oyster cocktail is made by putting
into q glass half a dozen tiny little oys-
ters, to which add few drops of tabas-
co, a pinch of salt, teaspoonful OF
worcestershire sauce, a teaspoonful or
tomato ketchup and tablespoonful OF
lemon Juice. Mrs. S. L. Rorer in La
dies Home Journal.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18

M. Maingault, the famous anatomist,
discovered that by forcing air into the
larnyx of a dead animal sounds could
be produced very similar to those OF the
voice during life.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18

toR SALE-Four lots. Nos 8, 10, IL
and IL, in block 81, Tamarack street,
near Mr.. Bray's milI, Laurium. Applyto
Mr.. James Knight. 1876 Calumet avenue.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
brought Home to Him.

Crusht--After all, right doesn't al
ways make might, does it?
Frankman-I don't know about that.
The matrimonial rite seems to have
made q mite Of you.-Richmond Dis
patch.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-05-18
Hard Work.

"what was the hardest work You ev-
or did for q living?" asked the benevo-
lent old lady of the weary pilgrim.
"Stealip. mum. detroit Free Press.