Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-09-04
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Trembling sutton: "Sir. cannot i've
without your daughter" Crusty father:
Nonsense! There are plenty Of free
lunch 3oints II you want to hunt them
up."-Cleveland Leader.
He: what Is a crank" She: "why,
9 person with one idea" He: Would
SSb cab NE . crank she; "Yhy, nj
) Never gave you credit for having onS
idea."-Baltimore Sun.
Husband (groanine): 1.-THE rheuma-
tism in my leg is coming again." wife
with sympathy: "Oh, I'm sorry, Johni
I wanted TO do some shopping to-day.
and that Is q sure sign Of rain."-Tid.
Bits.
There was a strange man here to See
you to-day, papa" said little Ethel. -
she ran to meet her father In the hall.
Did he have q bill?" mo. papa. He
had just . plain nose."-Housebold
Words.
Teacher: How many divisions OF
mankind are there?' Bobby: MY
paw says II is divided into the people
who earn living without getting Il,
and those who get living without
earning it."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Rob: II don't see much use In my
studying Greek" His father: why
not. my son?" Bob: According to all
accounts. there amt agoing to be any
Greeks after awhile. think Ill study
Turkish. "-Harpers Round Table.
II wonder" said the fair.haired maid,
"if there will be any more love when
woman Is the acknowledged peer Of
man in intellect" "What." asked the
rheumatic bachelor, "bas love got to do
with intellect ?''-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Here's another case Of extremes
meeting" WHAT" mot long ago you
couldn't hire a messenger boy to hurry;
now. since they've put him on bike.
you've got to nne him to keep him from
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. North Amer.
lean.
A humorist leaps gayly upon the step
Of an omnibus and cries cheerfully to
the conductor: "ls the ark fullY' mo.
SIR replies the jovlal conductor. I'VE
have kept a seat for you. What hoi
within there. Room for the monkeyv"
lid Bits.
my child. do you think he has the
force Of perseverance to raise himself
TO your levcl:" Il am sure he has,
mamma. Why, have you forgotten the
time the elevator was broken, how he
climbed the whole eight storiesT'-De.
troit Journal.
you say that you want money TO
buy food for a hungry man whose face
you never saw UP to this timer "Yes,
sir" replied Meandering Mike. "whers
Is he?" Hes standin' right here.
was the hesitating reply. I'm him.
Washington Star.
II have Observed said the sweet
young thing, that II Is the man who
has never married who knows all about
women" Certainly" said the unhap-
by bachelor. ut IL the man who knows
all about women who never marries."-
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Professor: "Mr. Oar, this II an ex'
ample in subtraction: Seven boys went
uOWu tue TbNcS W uutS1cs ous WV VI
them had been told not to 90 In the
water. Now, can you tell me how many
went int" Oar: Eyes. sir; seven
Michigan University Wrinkle.
Hilarious Hilary: 'Cheer up. pal
Ans not lost us fer happiness yit. ! JET
see o most inspirin' sight" Doleful
Dorian: "What wux ~" Eighty ltal'
Mns layin' de ties on railroad down
here fer us free American citizens {
walk oyer!".-New York Journal.
"BlIggins' wife doesn't insist on re-
tanning possession Of the latch key any
more" suggested Mr.. Meekton. NO.
replied Mrs. Meektou, "she has found
better way to make sure that her hus
band stays home after dark" "Wha'
Is ,,Y "She has taken the lamp OF thu
bicycle. "-Washington Star.
THAT man Nibley isn't to be trusted
He'd take advantage Of You Quicke'
than a wink II he saw chance to d
So" "How do you know that?" :"
overheard him and his wife In an argu
ment last night, and when he saw tina
she was getting ahead Of him We yelled
Look out! There's mouse "-Cleve
land Leader.
Dismal Dawson: Funny, amt II
that millionaire amt happy" Ever
EFT Wrest: II see noth!n' strange abOu
II. II Is the time they have wasted tina
makes 'em sore when they think Of It.
Thine wasted" "Sure. Don't yol
know thar most Of 'em has spent thei
lives In hard work. "--IndianapOlis jour
nal.
Judge, would II be sufficient caus
for divorce II a man refused to let hi
wife wear bloomersy' THAT Ia absf
lutely a hypothetical question:" sal
the learned jurist, that Is hardly wort
consideration. The woman who want
70 wear boomers Is never the woma!
whose husband has any say.'-Nncin
natl Enquirer.
Weary waggles: IBIS female sui
frage racket Is boss. picked up an oil
Sunday paper terday, an see de win
min are driyin' de men out uf de Jobs.
Wandering Willie: Oats tuff. ain
itY Weary Waggles: Not by lon
shot. Ell de wimmin ever git ter dO!I
all de work In dis world, wudn't b
surprised ef got married. Yor
Journal.
Gentleman TO landlady): "Your term
are very high" Landlady: but cor
slder the cheerful view, sir" Gentle