The morning times., 1897-02-28

life, have little or no knowledge of the suf-
fenngs, trials and disoomforts that the
deadhead must submit 10 at the hands of
the ruthless, flinty-hearted, inc orri eible
managers, says Mr. Hopper, and You can
imagine him smiling blandly as he shifts o
the left shank, and lanches into the next
period Of illteTative polysylabics.
The poor serf of Siberia, proGded, punch
ed and pounded by CORY Russian alguazls
are in no less pitiable plight than are our
desperate, defenSeless deadEeads. When
Ilearn of the trials nd concentrations of the
pass fend l am 1illed with yearning de-
sire TO ameiioTate their condition, and put
their suffeIings and wrongs to a sweet,
sure and permanent end.
THE pursuit OF passes is surely a dis
ease, and it 81 ouId be the first work of the
society to seek out and discover sCme subtle
anti-tOxine fluid which Will dispel tie des;+- :
head mtCrobc. AS the pass system cannou
well be abolished, the pass microbe must be
hunted and eradicated. TTifling with
disease desperate el own, would be fruitless
and foolish. The thing to do is TO stIike
at the root, and strike hard. But there is
such a thing as being cruel, harsh and beS
tial nd it will be the special pre- ogatiye of
the society to see that suitable remedies are
applied
ITO attack the insidious pass microbe
with the marble heart, cold eye and the
wabbly hand savorS Of the dark ages, when
medical science was in its infancy. The
microbes should not be accosted in this
barbarous fashion They, in the person of
the fiend, should be turned over to the
society, who would treat them to a milder
form of correction, such as the ducking
stool, the thumb-ScTew, the straIght-ia cket,
or the pump. Desperate mind and body
racking diseases require desperate remedies,
but the marble heart is altogether too
savage. If the above menti oned treat
ment should prove too severe, a uilder
form OF correction could be applied, such as
the rack, the wheel, harpooning, and the
spiked barrel Were it not that the fiend
claimed the invidiOus privilege to live
the guillotine could be brought into speedy
use, thus abrogating any possible neces-
sity for a society such as proposed, and
bring the subjects suffering to a swift,
sure and Immediate end.
.'Alenists say that the insane are often
extraordinar strategic, subtle and
subdulous. The deadhead possesses all
-
His efforts to trick the managers are
very often ingenious, entirely plausible
and unblushingly bold. A like display of
tact, cunning and perseverance, if brought
to a business enterprise, would result in
nothing short of brilliant and electrical
success. The unsophiSticated manager is
often codgered, convened and ajoled by
these methods into issuing passes, but
as suspicious and cunning as fox The
old-timer can detect a chronic case by
the wary roll of his eyes, his insidious
approach and the eager and pulsating
handshake.
1T may be considered beinous to Jest
over SO serious a matter. Albeit dead
head mania has its humorous side. just as
the pursuit of the elusive pass is not con-
fined to masculinity. A hardened, ANA
zonian deadheadess is the most difficult
to evade and is wen nigh impossible to
shake off. She pursues her prey with
the perseverance and tenacity of fam
isbed wolf The number of ancient ladies
who claim recognition on account of the
fact that third cousin once played Little
Eva in transforming troupe, are legion
The number OF ladies who were Booth s
leading ladies are as plentiful as the leaves
on the trees in glad springtirne. As numer-
GUS as pebbles on the beach are ladies
who would occupy front seats because
they boam with woman whose husband
plays trombonein the theater. The press
agents are not the only liars
! Thus spake Willy.
A newcomer to Washington is Miss
Emile C. Russell, who has relative po-
| sition in the theatrical world as niece OF
| the eminent comedian, Mr.. Sol Smith
Russell, and as a vocaliste who has at.
| tanned some distinction in her own pro-
fession. Miss Russell is the daughter OF
the actors only brother. Her father was