Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-07-31
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pANtu Lc tttSu Uttu 10 pTutlitc III uuy
more."-Detroit Journal.
Waiter. 1t is almost half an hour
since ordered that turtle soup" "Sor-
ry. sir. but you know how slow ,ur.
ties are. London Tid.Bits.
Bass-Was that baby talk your wife
was talking as I came In? Fogg-That
was mother talk: no baby ever saw
INDUCED in such gibbcrish. Boston
Transcript.
The Chaperon-You should never run
down your friend. my dear. The Chap.
eruncd-No danger of that: they can all
beat me ut scorching.--Ncw York Even.
Ing Journal.
Doctor Ito female patient)-You have
a slight touch of fever: your tongue
has a thick coat Patient teXcited.
lyon. doctor. do tell me how 1t fits
Fact and Fiction.
Mistress-Now. you must always
sweep well behind the doors. Mary.
Mary-les'm. trust me for tha;, rs the
only way one can get the dust out OF
sIght.-Pick.Mc-up.
Teacher want each of yes 10 make
a sentence. using the word delight" In
II. Small boy ,colored,-Dc wind come
In de wiudcr an bowed OF; de liglx.-
Philadelphia Ledger.
1Ie-l wonder If that couple are mar.
ried. She--Cer,ainly not. Hollow
can you tell? Shc-Why. they've been
talking to each other for nearly half an
hour.-New York World.
us this u healthy portion of the
slater asked a traveller In Arkansas
We'll. l should say It Is. There has
been nobody hung about here in three
months.'-Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Swect-Do you find It ocononi
cal to do your own cooking! Mia.
Burnem--Oh. yes: my husband dnrsn't
ent half MS much as he did when we
had a cook.-Boston Traveller.
I'VE have much new and valuable
information concerning the llitt;irs,
the Invites. the Jebusites and the Moab.
ties" His fricnd-Ilow about the
Observation-Disclosures Words.
"Poor clap! Bright fellow. bu, q
hopeless idiot. I Judge. from his talk
NO. indeed: he's merely quoting lit.
tie passage from the latest Scotch nov.
el."-Cincinnati CONGRATULATIONS.
Clara--Arc you not afraid. Maud. 10
marry old Dodderly? l hear he gets
horribly jealous without any cause.
Mnud-Don't Ire anxious. dear: I'll take
care he never does that.-Pick-Mc-Cp
ITS funny the shurref Amt scour.a'
the country for them stage roG1eis."
said the postmaster. Il guess ven-
tured Iubberneck Bill. that lie cint
got the sand."-lndianapolis Journal.
Wiggins-What makes you so certain
of Bawler's patrlotlsm?-Boggs-
lie lust boils over with Indignation
when he hears of the wrongs of for
cigncrs that we have no interest In
Truth.
Wtdow--Is It true. captain. that a
sailor has wife In every port: Old
Tar (savagcly)-Madam. the sailor
needs the time he has ashore for rest
and nmusement.-Phlladel North
American.
Professionalism, u the best cure fol
pvolonged cmanciatlon? Medical stu.
dent-Throw the patient In the air
professor-LEhy What? Medical stu.
dcnt-IIe'll come down plump.-Ncw
York Press.
MY good man. do you ever do any.
thing TO bring light and purity into the
homes Of your fellow menI" "Yus-
lots" You distribute ,ractsI' mo;
! clean windows and beats carpets
Illustrated Bits.
St,,In fssv on n,.N 4,
Norah. Did you put my Jewel case
away? Nornh-iis. mum. .! did
There on'y fOive camphor balls lift IN
Il, Shall sind for some more, mum
New York Journal.
George, ! wish you'd leave this little
package at the express Office" ME car
ry u bundle? ! guess not. Besides, I've
got TO lug both my tires and handle
bar down 10 the repair shop
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Ue--.You say You married q western
nG...n: Shc-Yes. "And that he neve,
drluks:' Never" Nor smokcsy
"No. sir" "Nor loses his temperI'
"That's what I said" when did he
Yonkcrs Statesman.
Mickey Dorlan-lIullo, Bill! How
did You like being u caddie? Billy
No!an-Ah, didn't like 1t at all, al
all. FIRST dc fclcr he towld bc Tel
kapc me eye Oh de ball, den he gave mt
de ball IN dc eye.-Iiarper's Bazaar.
Il surely had royal and noble
time" said he recaptulatlng. ~ had
four kings, aud in the row that ensucd
had to put up my dukes and the up
shot Of II all was that was indicted
on three counts .-indanapol!s Journal
Tcacher-can you tell me In wha
year Caesar invaded Britain? Pupil
Ycs'ln. Teacher--What year was H.
pupl-You can't expect me TO an
swer two questions In succession. Tha
question belongs to the next in the
class.-B0ston Transcript.
lit seems 10 me-" said one young
woman that Harold talks more clear
~ on the tariff than anyone else hav,
ever heard" Yes" replied Mis-,
Cayenne. lie has the advantage O
not knowing enough about II to get hi.
IDEAS confused. "-Washingt0n Star
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Shaving by Machinery.
Shaving man in twenty-five second,
Il n feat deserving Of the highes
praisa and reward by all such us yalu,