The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1897-04-23
"TATTERS."

"TATTERS."
After battling the unholy greed of the
train conductor for tickets by fash
ing an annual pass in his race, the
country editor threw his feet up on the
opposite seat and told the following
story:
"Of course, didn't escape being
victim of the rage for 'Womans eal-
tions' which swept over the land re"
months ago. The ladies of a local So
ciety descended upon me and l sur
rendered, took two pipes, pound OIL
smoking tobacco and fishing-rod AMI
decamped, leaving the Budget In their
charge for one week, with the privt-
lege of making all they could out of it.
My printer was supposed to stay, but,
being by classification a tramp, ana
having heavy board bill hanging over
his head by a single hair, he embraced
the opportunity, two hours after had
gone, to walk away down the railroad
track. This left the mechanical end
of the office at the mercy of the devil,
an inky imp called "Tatters.' The Ia
dies were a good deal disturbed at the
detection Of the printer, but bravery
decided to go ahead with Tatters and
get out the paper. They called him
in to give him some instructions. He
stood before them wearing, as usual,
a long apron stiff with ink, paste and
unknown substances; the only thing
which saved his face from being In
the same condition as his apron was
the fact that he was in the habit Of
constantly twisting it into so many
shapes that the ink, paste and un-
known substances on it never had time
to stiffen. His hair pointed in all d.
rections, like that of a jack-in-t box,
and in his left hand he carried sec
tion of column Of wet type.
"'What are you doing, Tatters" in
quired the lady who was president Of
the ameliora ton society, with some dig
nifty.
"'Throwin' in,' answered the imp.
Throwing in what?'
TYPE
"Into whatr
"The case. Think was thrown 1t
kinto my hat?'
''The lady looked at him coldly and
be went on:
But I'm most through and you'll
me hollerin' for copy in bout a
Ter of nour,' and he retreated
Ne composing-room and slammed
be door.
The ladies were indignant, but there
Twas clearly nothing for them to do but
70 grin and bear 1t. A few minutes
later there came most dismal, long
kdrawn wall from the other room,
which, after sorffe effort, they man
aged to interpret as the promised 'hol-
lerin'.' 1t was followed by the ap-
pearance of Tatters' head at the door.
"'What is it?' asked tho president,
who had been chosen editor-fa-chief, a
little sharply.
Copy! returned Tatters. Did you
think was singing the doxolergyT
There is no copy ready yet. Can't
you be doing something else?
"T can that! and he snatched off his
apron and started for the door. 4 can
be going fishing just as easy as not
or, springing before the door, don't
you dare to desert us! You stay here
till some copy is ready for you
''Tatters retreated and put on his
apron in an agitated frame of mind.
"a moment later one of the younger
ladies, who had been appointed manag-
ing editor, took a roll of dainty writ.
ten manuscript from her handbag and
said: --.e,-.
"'Here, Tatters, is something which
you can begin on"
''Tatters took 1t, shifted, glanced at
1t and said:
What is it-spring poetryr
"'No, it's the essay that I read al
commencement. We shall put 1t or
the fourth page
"'What! the editorial pager shrek
ed Tatters. Put such CUFF as that OF
the editorial page of the Budget! No
on the table.
"'We shall certainly do as we Sc,
fit interposed the editor-in-chief witt
great dignity.
4 resignp cried Tatters, again tear
ing off his apron and throwing it be
hind him, where it struck In the cit,
EDITORS lap, greatly to her dismay.
resign my posish, that's all. Here, /
you want it in ink, gimme pen. Lem
me write it out in black n white
@Dear Madam: 1 hereby resign m
posish. (SigneO Tatters." Gimme
pen, say!
"'Tatters, be calm-act reasonable
said the editor-in-chief in q soothin
tone. What shall we put on the ed
torial pager
Editorials, of course he answered
slightly Modified.
"EOn what subject"
"'Tariff n the currency
"'But we don't know anything abou
the tariff and the currency
Neither does the boss, but he write
two columns bout 'em every weeE
But If you can't do it write abou
bikes
''This struck the ladies favorably
and one of them began writing an al
ticle on the bicycle craze, while the cit
editor handed Tatters an item, whic
he took, wrinkling up his nose and re
marking that her question marks loo
like button hooks and retreater to tn
composing-room.
''For the rest of the day they KEEP
him pretty well supplied with work
When not so provided he spent his tim
perched on high stool blowing
wheezy mouth organ and occasionall
shouting .Copyr In an agonized tone
Ouca ax twice something ofEepded bsr