The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1897-12-17
HE WAS CONVICTED.
The Able Witness For The Prosecution
Did It On Cross Examination.

Inc next witness was called, who |
answered the questions Of the prosecu- |
tion, n then after an interlude of
Ginning, was turned over to the ten |
der mercies Of counsel for the defense, |
who began:
You say you were present when the
offence alleged in this case was COM
mitted. State to the court and jury
just where the defendant was at this
time"
H was sitting at his typewriter,
facing a window which looks out upon
the raging Monongahela."
He vas facing a window which
looks out upon the Monongahela
river?"
Yes, sir; that's what I said"
"Where were you sitting?"
cat my desk with my feet on it."
"In what direction did they point?"
up the Allegheny"
you say they pointed up the AL
legheny?"
Il do. and if it will help I'll say it
again."
Just answer my questions; if I need
any suggestions from you I'll ask for
them!"
The witness warmed up under the
collar and began a reply, which was
interrupted by the court with the re-
mark hat when a lawyer has put one
inquiry he has to keep his mouth go
ing while framing another, or his in
tellectual machinery would come to a
Standstill.
The witness begged the courts par
don, and said that a lawyer uses his
| mouth so much that he thought he
ought to be glad to give it a rest when
he cam; that he (the witness) did hate
to have a man parroting after him.
What was the defendant doing at
this timer"
He wasn't doing anything"
H wasn't doing ~anything?"
That's it precisely; he wasn't doing
anything."
"Well, what was he trying to dO?'
HE was trying to write a joke"
yes, yes, we understand that; but
what were his motions, his attitudes,
his behavior at the moment?"
"WeE, first he crossed his hands de-
voutly and stared hard at the machine
for a while. Then he Strengthened him
self in his chair, raised his hands to
the back of his head and rubbed hard,
while he gazed upward"
What did he do that for?"
He rubbed to stimulate h ray
III LIN O4oAA L SoppOSC IN
gazed upward for inspiration"
. His action was for the double pur-
pose of stimulation and inspiration?"
Yes, I think hat is what I said"
IT do. What do you think I said?"
(Sternly.) Your Honor, I must in
sist that the witness reserve his sar-
casms for som other OCCASION"
The court passes some more remarks,
and the examination proceeds. =
What next did the defendant do?'
HE leaned forward in his chair,
pressed his lower lip into a fold with
his right thumb and forefinger, and
fell to meditating on the rear of the
Monongahela house."
Very we'll, sir; proceed"
He then seemed to have a firm tail
hold on his joke, and began to draw
it out on the machine"
What do you mean by a tail hold?"'
"a hold by the tail, as distinguished
from a hold by the horns or a hind
leg"
"Do I understand you to affirm tina
a joke has body and parts?"
"Well, Sancho Panza was said by his
master to drag his in by the head and
shoulders, which implies body, and
many excellent people are said always
to leave out the essential part when
telling one"
IT now ask you, sir, did the defend
ant, having a firm tail hold on his
joke, succeed in drawing it out on the
machine?"
He did not; he drew the paper out
w%rathfully tore it into bits, dashed
them on the floor, made an ugly face
and used the bad language as set forth
in the Indictment"
"Was that all?"
ENC, sir"
"Wha else?"
HE uttered an imprecation upon the
folly of requiring a man to write jokes
after partaking of a lunch consisting
mainly Of cheese, which psychologists
state will digest everything except
itself, but which, in truth, will not di-
gest anything, not even itself"
Precisely what was the language?'
Attorney for the prosecutions OBJ
ject, you honor; he is not or trial fol
that.
Witness-Anyhow, I wouldn't try tc
do Justice to h occasion.
The court (sharply)-The witness
will hold his peace!
Counsel for the defense, resuming
said to the witness:
81 understood you to testify at the
outset that when the offense alleged
was committed the defendant was
seated at his machine and facing a
window which looks out on the Monon-
gahela."
That's correct"
"And that you were seated at your
desk, with your feet on it. and that
they pointed up the Allegheny"
That is correct, too"
Then I infer that from your des-
cr.ption that the defendant was be-
hind VOL, 7S that correct 7n
"It is"
with an air of triumph, striking his
fist on the table,. Then, sir, explain
to the court and jury how it was that
you could see all his actions and atti-
tudes, as you have related them here,
how you could know that he made an
ugly face when he tore the papers to
bits and dashed them on the floor"
81 should a that he was not Inn
mediately behind me. but q little to the
4 left. me light from the window fall