Santa Fe daily New Mexican., 1897-12-21
AN EXPERIMENT.

JOhn Jones was telling MS Wue--tE*y
had not been married very long, by the
way--about man who came home one
night so drunk that he had to lie down
on the floor while his wife pulled his
shoes off for him. He also mentioned the
fact that this mans wife did not seem to
take her husband S condition to heart very
badly, but made rather joke of it and
twtted him in the morning quite good
humoredly.
"Such spirit" remarked Jones,
"strikes me as being very creditable to
woman. 1t isn't every mans wife who
regards an occasional lapse SO leniently.
Now, as you know, I am not drinking
man, but if / should get drunk one of
these nights-I say If should-how would
you take its' And he watched her face
carefully as he asked the question.
Mrs. Jones laughed heartily. The idea
seemed to amuse her very much, but she
Strengthened out her features and assumed
shocked expression. "I should be dis
gusted, John" she said, perfectly dis
gusted Why, shudder at the mere idea
of your being intoxicated. You would
lose my respect, John, right away, and
whatever you do you must never forfeit
that No, John, dear, could never stand
your being drunk!'
John listened with great attention to
this reply, and he came to the conclusion
that she didn't mean word of it. He had
detected in the tone of her voice what he
stamped In his mind as false note. Jones
was something of a reader of character
and in his own quiet way he had been
studying the various phases Of his wifes
disposition ever since they had been mar
ried two years ago.
He therefore determined to see precisely
how she would conduct herself if he did
come home drunk one night, or, rather,
If she thought him drunk, for he decided
to simulate the condition in order to make
his observations.
"Dear me, murmured Mrs. Jones, one
night or early morning, about a week
after their conversation already noted, " |
wonder where John can be! He's never
been so late before out playing poker.
feel quite anxious.
The hour was 2 a. m. and Mrs. Jones
was seated in chnir with book in her
hand, which she was not reading.
Suddenly she heard the rattle of key
in the lock of the outer door of the fiat
and in few moments her ears noted the
sound of something stumbling along the
hall. She grew pale and stood up. The
parlor door was opened with considerable
violence, and she saw-well, she could
scarcely believe her eyes at first Was this
her husband? The spectacle in the open
doorway was that of man with battered
hat, torn coat and trousers splashed with
wet mud His clothes simply reeked with
whisky. He gazed at her with blinking
eyes, and his mouth trembled and leered at
her. His eyeglasses were fastened on tc
his right ear.
"'I.o!"
"Oh, John,'' was all she could say.
"'Lo, Mira, he repeated. g 'Lo! Wash
mar? Wynn jer come N gimme kiss,
heyp" Then he chuckled. ''Hey?'' he said
again in loud and fierce tone of voice.
"Oh, John" she said, approaching him
with reluctance, "come into the room, for
goodness sake, and close the door. The
people in the flat above will hear you
"D'n' care f they dop' he replied, still
hanging on to the knob and swaying about
unsteadily. "Who cares2 Ha, ha, ha! Who
caresp Devil bitl''
She closed the door, and he Immediately
slipped to the floor with thump. She
surveyed him as he lay there with an ex
preston on her face that had never beer
| there before. And then she wondered what
was to be DONE As she wondered, hi
made two or three spasmodic movement.
| as though trying to rise, but he fell bach
each time. Finally he kissed his hand tt
| her in maudlin fashion, hitting himself
in the eye.
"Pull off bootsl" he commanded.
| She turned away with glance of aver
/ sion.
"Pull off boots!'' he repeated, banging
| his heels on the carpet. She hesitated fol
an instant, but obeyed him. "Howevel
did you get your clothes all over mud thai
way?" she asked him.
''Huhp Oh, fell n street-thash how, ,
he replied. sole shut, wash odds any
way?" :.
As a matter of fact, 1t really was an ole
suit, and be had insisted earlier in thu
evening OH wearing it to the poker game
somewhat to her surprise. She remem
bered it as he spoke.
"Come, John, she then said "Try ant
get up. See if you can take hold of my
arm. I'll take care of you, dear Come
There's a good boy!" Her tone was quite
affectionate.
1t seemed to have some effect on him
for he rose without as much difficulty al
might have been expected, though he lean
ed on her heavily. She led him out to thu
bathroom 'Get in the bath, now, dear, !
she said sweetly.
"Ge'n wot?" he exclaimed.
'The bathtub he repeated.
''But er gomme cloze ON, he objected
looking at her.
| ''Oh, no, you haven't, John, " she toll
him. "You think you have, but yol
haven't. Now get In, like good boy"
Her argument seemed unanswerable tt
him, SO he laughed foolishly and slowl.
climbed into the tub, though in hesitat
ing kind of way too. Ho was no soone
in than she grabbed his head, pushed !
under the tap and turned on the COLI
water at full force. It took him so mucl
by surprise that he was at first motionless
but he soon commenced to struggle vic
lently. In vain. She held his head witt
both of her hands, saying:
"It's an old suit of clothes, you know
John. You would wear them, and 1t won
do them bit of harm-nor you, either
dear"
At this he gave superhumnn effort ant
stood up straight in the bathtub.
Here, hercp' he yelled, what tn
devil does this meanP" His enunciatiol
was very clear indeed.
4 Mrs. Maria Jones laughed very heartil
indeed.
II was sobering you up, dear, " she re
piled.
"But I'm not drunkP'
Really not drunk? You don't say sol
Certainly not! ! was only pretendin
just to fool you.
Eyes dear, | know" was the reply 9
Maria.
Then what in the name of asterisk
did you do that for?" he demanded, as h
shook the water out Of his ears.
] "To teach you not to try and deceiv