The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-14
THE OLD HUMORISTs
SAM WELLER AND HIS SIRE DISCUSS
A VALENTINE.

The Elder Weller Draws the Line at the
Poetical Women as wenuses and An
gles-The Art Of Never Signing Ones
Own Name to a Valentine.
Sam Weller had unconsciously been a
full hour and a half writing words In
small text, smearing out wrong letters
with his little finger and putting in new
ones which required going over very
often to render them visible through
the old blots, when he was reused by
the opening of the door and the entrance
Of his parent.
"Vell, Sammy" said the father.
"vell, my Prooshon Blue" respond
ed the son, laying down his pen.
whats the last bulletin about mother
in-law?"
MRS. Weller passed a very good
night, but is uncommon perwerse and
unpleasant this mornin. Signed upon
oath, s. Weller, Esquire, Senior. That's
the last vun as was issued, Sammy" re-
piled Mr. Weller, untying his shawl.
"No better yet?'' inquired Sam.
n oANO oy baPOOLib 0BsInWd bCu, IC-
piled Mr.. Weller, shaking his head.
"But volts that you're doin of-pur-
suit of knowledge under difficulties
eh, Sammy"
"I've done now,' said Sam, with
slight embarrassment. GIVE been a.
writin."
$50 I see" replied Mr.. Weller. "Not
to any young 'ooman, I hope, Sammy
why, it's no use sayin it amt" re
piled Sam. Its a valentine"
"a what!" exclaimed Mr.. Weller,
apparently horror stricken by the word.
"a valentine, " replied Sam.
"Samivel, Samivel," said Mr.. Wei
Ter in reproachful accents, II didn't
think you'd ha' done it. AFTER the warn
in vich you've had O. your fathers
vicious propensities; arter all I've said
to you upon this here very subject; ar
ter actiwally seein and bein in the com
pany o. your w mother-in-law, vich
had ha' thought wos a moral lesson al
no man could never ha' forgotten to hi
dyin day, I didn't think you'd ha' don,
it, Sammy, / didn't think you'd ha
done itl' These reflections were too
much for the good old man. He raised
Sans tumbler to his lips and drank of
it's contents.
"Wot's the matter nowp" said Sam.
"Never mind, Sammy" replied Mr.
Weller; It'll be a very agonizin tria
T to me at my time o. life, but I'm prett.
tough, that's Won consolation, as tn
very old turkey remarked wen tn
farmer said he was afeerd he should b
!, obliged to kill him for the London mar
ket." $3.50
, "Wot'n be a trial?" inquired Sam.
"To see you married, Sammy-to Sc
you a deluded victim and thinkin il
a your innocence that it's all very CAPT
tai, replied Mr.. Weller. "It'sa dread
full trial to a fathers feelin's, tina
ERE, Sammy"
, Nonsense" said Sam. 81 ain
a-goin to get married; don't fret yoursel
D about that. I know you're a judge
these things. Order in your pipe, an
I'll read you the letter-there." 81
We cannot distinctly say whether !
was the prospect Of the pipe or the cor
solatory reflection that a fatal dispos.
tion to get married ran in the famil
and couldn't be helped which calme
Mr.. Weller's feelings and caused hi
t grief to subside. We should be rattle
disposed to say that the result was a
tanned by combining the two sources {
y consolation, for he repeated the secon
n in a low tone, very frequently, ringin
the bell meanwhile to order in the frs
He then Invested himself Of his uppf
coat, and, lighting the pipe and placin
himself in front of the fire with h
d back toward it, SO that he could feel il
full heat and recline against the maj
telpiece at the same time, turned t.