The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1897-12-08

uicu oiuu pCtche III Ddt saiu ud9 ;.
She-Julie and ice are engaged. but
they have decided to keep their en-
gagement a secret: Julie told me so.
He-Yes. know 1t; Joe told me.-Tit-
Bits.
Mr.. Gabber-There Is a man In New
York erecting a monument TO Ananias.
Mrs. Gabber-For the lands sakel And /
what material Is he usingI MIR. Cab |
ber-War extras Puck.
He-'rhere are two periods in a
mans life when ae never understands |
4 woman" She-'Indeed And when
are they He-"Before he Is mar
ried. and afterward, Life.
What office does your husband hold
In the lodgeI' He's the secretary"
Recording or permanent "Perma-
nent, | guess. He's held 1t sixteen
ars."-Chieago Tribune.
Mrs. Callahan-"I want to get pair
Of shoes for the little bye" Shopman-
French kid. ma'am?" Mrs. Callahan
Qndignantly)-"Ind not; he's me
own son. born and bred in Ameriky."
Il think know now" said the sol
J der who was making determined ef-
fort to masticate his first ration of army
beef, what people mean when they
} talk about the sinews of war.'-Chi-
, cago Tribune.
: Smithers (society poet--I am think
Ing OF Issuing a volume with wide mar
gins. Do you like the idea? Miss De
! Facto (warmlyl-lndeed. you cannot
make your margins too wide for me.
/ | adore blank verse.
! Mrs. Tlmmis-l hear your cook has
; left you. What was the trouble? Mrs
: Rockwell-0u kitchen is so small that
: she had TO put her bicycle in the cellar.
and she thought the dampness wasn't
good for it.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
DO you remember said Miss An
cient TO Colonel Crabtree, how when
you were young man you proposed to
me and rejected yout' 1T is one OF
the happiest recollections of my life,
said the colonel, with an air OF gallan-
try
Barnes-"Do you believe there is such
thing as pure patriOtism?" Shedd-
"Of course there is There is Howes
for example. He is willing to serve
10 his country as a colonel, and he doesn't
Il insist that he shall be sent away from
" home, either"
re Wlfey-"Do you think there is maj
that could conscientlously say to his
" wife, You are the only woman | evel
ia lovedT" Hubby-"only one that
IN can think Of" Wlfey-Whof You
q dearestT Hubby-"oh, no; Adam
Boston Traveller.
w Insurance Agent--"We can't insur
sa you" Old Man-"Why notT' Insur
ance Agent-"You are ninety-fou
= Statistics viii tell you that fewer me
die at ninety four than any other age.
baltimore Jewish Comment.
- Tired Balrd-"W'ot would yer radde
an be dan all else In de world. Barney
-, Barney Keegan-"A horspittle conwa
escent, pard. All yer hez to do Is jes
lay dere In bed an he waited on by
hull fleet dat don't do ting but soa
rs nurrishin' feed an brandy inter YER
~ Leslie's Weekly.
r. Mrs. Jonsing-"Dis hyah new mi
istah am fine preachah, but he am
leanes' and skinnies' young man
ebbah see.' Mrs. Blaek-"Yes, an
- done tole nah husband, what welgl
~ two hundard an fo'w, to bewar' le
-, he should be weighed IN de balance a
foun' wantin"-Puck.
=. First Citzen-If you had any dout
80 of the guilt of Mrs. Borgia, the alleg
49, polsoner, why did you vote to ha
~ her? Second Citizen (who was on
juryl-Well, you see, the trial made
SO notorious that we knew II we did
La hang her, she'd soon be appearing
VI the stage-New York Weekly.
~. II could settle SPANS hash for
~ mighty quick" remarked the contide
obt looking young man. There's OIL
hash to be settled for, Mr.. Backboar
grimly replied the landlady. And
'e lence ensued while the boarders
'os to reckoning how to strengthen
vas feet with the butter.-Washing
ear Star.
A young widow put up costly mo
ment to her late husband, and lnscril
upon it: ''My grief Is SO great tina
oi'' cannot bear it," year or SO la
,''e' however, she married again; and (,
" ing a little awk wardness about the
ldl, ] HifinnlfU
.ne adding one word to it-"alone. Il.
, ~ don Figaro.
hall "Let ME see some OF your BLACK
died gloves" said lady to a diapers
,wly sistant. These are not the la
etts. STYLE. are they?' she asked. when
has gloves were produced. Yes. mads
hich replled the man; I'VE have had Il
In stoch only two days" Il oil
think hey were; the fashion pal
say black kids have tan stitches,
d vice versa. | see the tan stitches
sui's not the vice versa The assistant
that nlained that the vice versa was Ere
ages FOR seven buttons, SO she bought {
pairs.-Tit- Bits.
u .ne 81 think we really ought to give
the aLina things that wi
. but "s'en,'o ~, hovs ~ tho front"
e ." the one in pink. The one in blue la
ehtF- ed scornfully. Has that just occu
very TO YOU she asked. Il began on $
.nere thing for Charlie the very day he
III ne with the troops" "Oh, do tell ne
'eehs II vas exclaimed the one In
An embroidered sofa-pillow,' ans
ed he one in blue, proudly. III
Curi- wa, used to say that there was
s,,ao mg so comfortable for tired man