The Van Buren press., 1897-12-25
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
hIWONDER If any of you on this side

hTWONDER if any of you on this side
the mountain remember the
strange ailment that visited us folks on
the other side when l was young
man ?" said the man from over Sinne-
mahoning way. "A strange ailment it
was indeed. Sort of an uncomfortable
arrangement of the muscular tissues
of the leg, the doctors called it, but it
was known as the kicking fever of the
Sinnemahone I wonder if any of you
remember it?"
"Natur'ly, it amt likely that any
body does" said the man in the red,
blue, green, pink, yellow and purple
Mackinaw jacket, "but any fever that
ever got mixed up with folks on the
Sinnemahone an didn't kick must a
been of setch mild an forgiyin' dis
position as to make it shame to feed
quinine to it,"
"Thanls, Maekinaw," said the man
from over Sinnemahoning way. "Your
gentle humor goes far toward dissipat-
ing a certain sadness and tendency to
abstraction and fit of the blues that
always assail me when i think of that
kicking fever of the Sinnemahone, and
l thank you! When I see the fertile
acres of the Jepheniah Biffkins estate
spreading along the. .Sinnemahoning's
classic bottom and think how they
would now all be mine but for that
kicking fever I am prone to sadness.
But you've knocked 'em silly this time,
Maekinaw.
Eyes, yes. Those rich Jepheniah
Biffkins acres. would now be mine but
for that kicking fever that came to the
Sinnemahone country. These acres
then belonged TO Deacon Judd Peeler,
and the deacon's daughter Nancy had
promised to be my wife, and Nancy was
heir to all the wide Peeler estate. So
when / think-but let that pass. 1t is
all over now.
"Wherever that most singular all
ment could have come from no one ever
knew, but it certainly cut wide swath
| along the Sinnemahone. Twas off down
| the river when it began its attack, and
consequently l didn't know anything
about it until | got back home couple
of weeks later. The first person it struck
was Uncle Billy Tope. Uncle Billy was
mild and easy-going citizen that no
one would have thought had any life
In him at all, and he was a strict tee
totaler. Consequently you may imagine
the astonishment of Squire Bunker,
/ L. H. l, IL
Billy worked, to see the old man com
ing up the road one day, giving a tre-
mendous kick every two or three steps
he took ,sometices to the right and some
times to the left, as if he might have
started out to kick all creation into the
middle of next week. Squire Bunker
was scared, and he edged off to one side
of the road as Uncle Billy came along,
kicking and scuffing and looking as
wild as an Indian. The squire ventured
to say as the old man was cavorting by:
What's up, William?'
"Uncle Billy only shook his head, and
giving a kick that didn't miss the
squire's jaw by more than half an inch,
went on his way toward home, kicking
as he went
'Astoundingl' exclaimed the squire.
4 never thought I'd live long enough
to see Uncle Billy Tope turn out to be a
drinkerl'
"Then the squire started for home.
He hadn't gone a hundred yards before
he began to feel little mulish himself
and the first thing he knew he was
kicking away as unreasonably as Uncle
Billy. He couldn't stop ii any more
than he could have stopped his mill race
with three-ineh plug. The squire
didn't have for to go, and before he
could reach out and open his door hC
had kicked it open with a bang, and his
wife came running out of the kitchen tC
see what was the matter.
"'Clear the way, mother!' the squire
hollered. Give me rooml Don't get il
my way or I'll make a widower of my
self at one swoopi'
THE squire's wife, scared almost tC
6eath, locked herself up in a closet, ant
the squire kicked his way out of tn,
back door and brought up in the garden
where he yelled for some one to com,
and tie him down, or else turn him into
a ten-acre lot where he could have room
"And that's the way that most unac
countabls kicking fever started along
the Sinnemahone. In less than a weel
ii had taken a whack at almost every
man, woman and child in that baili
wick. The kicking was only the pre-.
monitory symptom of the fever. After
tie victim had kicked high and kicked
loS-, and - the windward aud 20 the
leeward for half an hour or so, the fl
would pass away, but il would come
back again after awhile. The kicking
stage of the epidemic lasted two DAYS,
and then the second stage came on
This was a scorching fever. Sam Belts.
when he got over his attack, declared
that his fever was so hot that his wife
had TO keep the sheets wet 10 prevent
their catching fire, but Sam wasn't a
Eative of the SinDemahoning country.
lie was from this side of the modntaip
somewhere, and folks didn't believe
him. The fever lasted a day. and left
behind il consuming longing for
something 20 drink-1ot water nor