The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1897-12-13
UNCLE BART'S JOKE.
IT HARDLY TURNED OUT AS HE HAD
EXPECTED.

While Giving Old Mal Crane Lift He
Tried to Scare Him and Succeeded Be
yond His Fondest Expectations-The
Joke and How 1t Pctsred Out.
"When we started for home" says Un-
Gle Bart Flanders of Brighton, 1--WE over
took old Crane He had a double barreled
shotgun over his shoulder.
Say, Bart, give me lift, says old
Crane
~ had old Bangs on - seat with me-
He had pound of cheese under his arm
and ten quart pail Of molasses between
his knees. told old Crane to get In be-
hind and let his feet hang down and be dern
careful of the gun. Ho rested the critter
on its butt between his legs, with tho muz-
zle sticking up.
"When we got pretty near to old Cranes
place, whispers to old Bangs and says
Les play joke on old Crane. I'll holler
to the colt and pull on tho reins. That
allus sets him off jest as though he was
running away. Well carry old Crane
mile or two beyond his house. His wifell
Crane is too drunk to know where he lives,
and she'll peel him when he gifts back.
Well make him walk back too
"Says old Gangs, winking to me: by
smutty, that's the best dern joke on old
Crane ever heard Of Wait till git these
nolasses well settled tween my knees;
then let her CO..
II commenced to pull on the reins, and
tho colt gave jump and started.
"'Whoa, whoa, whoa, dunn you'll Iyclled
and you'd think was pulling 40 pounds
on the reins, but the colt only went faster
and faster.
"'Ww what's the matter, BartF hol-
Tered cid Crane who was setting back to
and couldn't see what was going on and
didn't darst to turn round.
Old Bills runnin away says l. al
most busting Old Bangs was laug Ching as
If he would die and hanging on to tho
molassrs.
"'Can't you stop to my houseP' hollercd
old Crane. 'Mother'll be kinder worried if
she secs me 60 scurrying past like the mill
tail Of Tophet
I can't stop the blame critter Whoa,
blast you' hollcred Just then we struck
the jounce in the culvert front of Zcke
Wardwell's, and the springs went down
kerchunk. The next second old Bangs
shot up in the air, gun and ALL Old Bangs
landed on his back in the dust, and tho
gun came down butt fust on to the road.
When she struck, both barrels went off
right behind us straight up into the air.
"Thero warn't no fool runaway about it
then A rein busted, and the colt run right
into old Cranes dooryard. III never for
get the expression on his wifc's face rs she
,ftI L.,
ing She'd told me several times that she
wished I'd bring old Crane home when
saw him down to the village, as his leg
bothered him great deal There warn
any doubt we were bringing old Crane
home that afternoon We were advertising
it. We were firing salutes. Old Bangs was
doubled right for'ard over his nolasscs
pail, and his hair was stringing out be.
hind.
Bart, ho yelled, 'd'you spose they's
any chance of saving these molassosf'
'Cuss your molasses, hollrrcd, and
jest then VIC struck the corner of the bank
ing. Flip! Over she went fell into the
laylock bush Old Bangs didn't save lis
molasscs, but his mOlasscs saved him. lie
went head first into the pail. He jumped
right up with tho pail over his ears and
the molaSses run stopping down over his
shoulders.
"'B Blood and brajns Blood and brainsl
he yelled from underneath the pail. See
'em rum
Mis- Crane come rushing out screaming
as loud as he could hollcr, and flow down
to where old Crane was a pclin hissolf
up. He wasn't hurt much and come limp
ing up jest as Twas scraping old Bangs off
with chip. The wagon was mashed. |
The colt stood looking at me from over
the barnyard fence, with his head and tail |
up and snorting as though he thought there
might be another explosion most any time,
but the celebration was all over
90 Bart Flanders, says Mis- Crane, If |
you ever darst to take Mis- Crane in again |
behind that pesky raging crittor of yourn,
III pull eyry spear of hair outer your
hoad'
but it was kind Of Joke, marm,' |
started to say
A jokc!' she squcaled "A joke, |
What kind Of joke, you foolf'"
And" concluded Bart II swow, come |
to think it over, couldn't SEQ any point |
to the joke mysclf!'-Bangor Commercial. |