The Monitor-register., 1897-08-27
A LITTLE FUN.


To send out words so helpfully;
wish that it were IL
A LITTLE FUN.
Mrs. Wellmeut-Poor fellow have
you no friend
Beggar. (sobbingiy)-No, lady; hain't
got ruthin' but relatives. - AnsDers
x*x
Fuddy-"Reslly, now l suppose the |
.verage amateur fisherman is the prince |
IF liars"
Duidy-"Perhaps so; but theL there's |
The man with a smart oaby in the house,
Boston Transcript.
~
"What had the prisoner 10 his hand
when be struck the prosecutor? '' asked
the magistrate Of the policeman.
81 saw nothing in his hand but his fiat
sor," was the reply.-Dublin World
Nv
waves.
''Shall we go in bathinR?" asked one.
"What's the use ?'' demanded the
other. There isn't man on the beach.
-Er.
~
Wife-We have been married twelve
years. and not once in that time have l
missed baking you cake for your BIRTH
day. Have |. desrs
Hubby-No, my pet. l can look back
upon those cakts as miIestones in my
life.-AnSaoeYS.
George, wish you'd leave this little
package at the express Office"
Il carry a bundle? | guess not.
Besides l We got to lug both my tires aud
hsndlebar down to the repair shop
CleoeIand Plain Dealer.
x*x
Mr.. Fourhundred (proudly) Note this
magnificent business block. l own every
foot of the ground on which it stands.
Old Gent-Ah, yes; remember this
locality very we'll 1t was here your
grandfather had his junk shop.-N. Y.
Weekly.
Young Bcide-'I didn't accept Tom
the first time he proposed
Miss RIVAL (slightly enviouS)-"I know
you didn't"
Young Bride-"How do you know"
Miss Ryval-"You weren't there. -
EG.
Eyes, Julia rel cted him, aud she was
afraid to open the morning paper for fear
she would read an account of his suicide. !"
"She didn't find it, did she ?'
mo, the first thing she saw was the
announcement of his engagement to a
prettier girl. "-Detroi Free Press
~
the Steerer-"Why. Mr.. Weatherwax.
how do you do?'
The Stranger-"We if faint Charley
Skidmore How are you, Charley?"
The Steerer-"My name isn't Skid.
more"
The Stranger-"An' mine amt
Weatherwax. p CIeUeEand Plain Dealer.
Nv
Too Expensive.-Oh, how delightful it
would be to drift on like this for ever and
ever
He (who has hired the boat)-Not at
70 cents an hour.-LeSlie's Weekly
~
Judge-"You say you were born in
town?
Witness-Yes, Your Honor.
Judge-You mean, l suppose, that you
have always heard that you were born
here2
Witness-I have always heard so.
Judge-But that is hearsay evidence
| and it cannot be allowed.
Witness-But l was there myself
\ our Honor-BOston Euening Transcript
A cOlored exhorter who was holding q
revival meeting in Georgia town was
approached by a member of his congra
CATION, who said:
"Br'er Williams, dey didn't like yo'
sarmont las night"
"Dey didn't?'
"No, suh-dey didn'LH'
"Why-what been de matter wild it?''
"Well, sub. you took an' said dey wuz
folks in dat cong reg ashnu dat would be
in hell 70 sunup!'
"Dil say dat?'
"Dats what you didP
"Well. declare ter goodnesp exclaim-
ed the parson, my intention wuz ter
low 'em ten daysP'-AHanta Constitu
ton.
~ pity man who is not beloved by
children"
Don't lavish too much sympathy on
him; he can wear linen suit all day and
look respectable. - Chicago Record.
x*x
madam" said he, shat would not be
begging for bread from door to door if
could but procure employment at my
profession"
"POor man." replied the woman, as
she handed out pie, 'what is your pro-
fession?"
81 am an airship pilot. madam. DE
tro3 Free Press.
nv
HansoD-I saw Wiuton on horseback |
yestt rdsy. You could see daylight be- |
tween him and the saddle half the time.
Nanson-Yes; that's because be is such |
a humane man. As he is off the horse |
half the time. it gives the animal good
deal of rest Boston Transcript
According to a celebrated anatomist
there are upwards of 600 900 little
glands in the human stomach. The o
glands pour out the digestive juices whit h |
dissolve or digest the food. Indigestion |
is want of juice, weakness Of glands |
NJ ed OF help to restore the health Of these |
organs. The best and most natural help
is that given by Shaker Digestive Cor |
dial. Natural, because it supplies the
materials needed by the glands to prepare
the digestive juices. Because it strength.
ems and invigorates the glands and the
atr oh oh 10