The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1897-10-14
Aiacchus' Advice.
Urgently Wanted:
Fl New Uncle Sam


Junlus ii. Browne, in Timcs-Herald.
During the last few months the carica-
ture of Uncle Sam has grown particularly
familiar to or eyes. The origin of tho
caricature is not known; but the Oldest
man living can hardly remember when il
was not substantially what it is today.
No national caricature-not even John
Bun, against which the English have
often Drotested-haS ever been in some
respects quite so eXtravagant. 1t is diff
cult to imagine how The idea of such q
figure could have been conceived to rep
resent this country. The face and fea-
lures of Uncle Sam, or Brother Jonathan,
are highly Intelligent, even good-looklng,
indicative Of iirmnCss, sagaclty, discern
ment cOolneSs-all striking ethnic traits
But the aquiline nose is not common with
us, rather the exception, Our faces, in
deed resemble, in the main, the Greclan
type, more than those of the English
French, German, Italian or any other
European nation. The thin, tall, angular
figure is closely allied to ours, especially
as 1t was in an earlier generation. Since
the civil war we have accumulated flesh,
owing to our great increase in material
means and our general prosperity. We are
sun, however, a slender people, especially
compared with tho people of the old
world; not as a ruR growing stout even
atter middle age, as is general over there.
The attire of Uncle Sam is wholly anom-
alous, unprecedented, in any quarter of
civilization or barbarism. No human
creature has ever worn such extraordi-
nary clothes in a single suit-a bell
crowned hat, claw-hammer coat short
in the skirt, long in the tails; an eccen-
trlc Waist-coat much abbreviated, a pro-
fusely rutfied shirt, shrunken trousers,
with very long straps, fastened under
n -tn { n AFT1f
tique pattern. The shirt collar IS razor
bladed in shape, coming up to the ears,
and above an enormous, wildly disordered
necktie of gorgeous colors. This cos
tune must have been borrowed from the
stage yankee, so popular in the first half
or the century, but long since passed into
oblivion. He was purely a concoction of
the brain, never having been seen in the
remotest corner of New England, the ma
tive habitat of the pr1meval yankee. 1t
seems impossible that ne could ever have
drawn crowded houses in all the big
towns OF the republic, having had no
model in life or literature and unuues-
tioEably not savoring in the slightest Of
the ideal. Certainly Uncle Sam is dressed
very similarly TO the departed comediana
OF bygone epoch. The property-roOJrs
of that day have turned to dust: but nor
tons Of their contents might be repro
duced from pictorial !llusCrations of cur
contemporaries.
The physical and raimental Uncle Sam
Is as nothing compared with his lingual
part Whlch Is particularly offensive to
every intelligent, educated American I'm
the land. What a strange gibberisb is
put into his mouth! 1t is supposed 10 be
cause II can be comprehended by those
because 1t can be comprehended by those
capable or understanding and speaking
the English tongue. His speech Is a ylll-
gar sort OF dialect that has never been
uttered anywhere on the globe. 1t con-
sists OF a complete perversion of the
orthography pronunciation, enunciation,
employment of our mother tongue, a COM
plete misuse Of all it's terms, idioms,
principles; subversion of the usual
forms into what assumes once to have
Deen' but never has been, the vernacular.
rms cacophonous terminology Is a pre-
else copy of the talk of the yankee come
dian, barring his intense nasal accent,
his excessive drawl, his curious gestures,
grimaces and attempts at artificial drol-
lery. II playbooks of that era were ex-
tant they would be found almost count
erparts OF the present lingo.
o
That lingo Is an atrocious libel on
Americans generally. The most ignorant
rustics here never speak as Uncle Sam
is presumed to speak. We as a people
use better English, on the whole, than
IS used In any English-speaking COM
munity in the world In England, as Is
well known, many of the Inhabitants of
one county cannot understand the in
habitants Of an adjoining county. A uni
versity-bred Londoner cannot translate
the uncouth patols of the provinces TO
his consciousness. The citizens Of any
one of our states can communicate free
ly with the citizens of any other state.
New Englander is at home, so far as
his ear is concerned, throughout the
south, as southeTner Is with a new
settler in the far western territories. A
Harvard or Yale graduate talks freely
and easily with a Colorado miner or a
Minnesota famer The entire republic is