Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1897-10-04
JUST FOR FUN.

wife? 1 prefer to remain your
eal
by wife can always tell when I've
en- drinking, observed Mango, and
e worst of it is, she always does tell.
Does the nobleman seem to think a
bod deal of Miss Clara? Oh, yes, in
w led. He calls her his little Klondike.
. no, madam, we can't take back that
WI aist; you have worn it. What if I
i've? You advertised it as change
NJ Die silk.
Mrs. Files-Did you take your pet
Big to the country with you? Mrs.
yles-M Mercy, MOI The table was
/. iserableI
Spriggs-Hello, old man! Pm aw-
billy delighted to see you again. I
eard that the doctors gave you up.
owIes Yes, 1 guess 1 would have
led if they hadn't.
The Sunday school class was sing
|hg, 1 want to be an angel. Why
ont you sing louder, Bobby? asked
he teacher. Pm singing as loud as I
bel, explained Bobby.
Pawl Say, paw! little Johnny be-
an. Now what do you want? asked
is suffering father, with an emphasis
NJ n the ''now" Will my hair fall off
hen it's ripe, like yours?
MI Lovely woman will never be per-
betty happy until somebody invents
watch that will run accurately when
is wound up only at irregular inter-
tails about thirteen times a month.
Cashier don't think I can cash
his draft, miss. 7 don't know you.
fiss-Here, don't be silly; give me
he money. Who cares if you don't
know me? I don't know you. either.
Hawkins see your folks are back
rom the seashore. How are they?
Banks-O, they stood it first rate. I
ant see but that they are nearly as
yell as they were before they started.
Marie-So you are engaged to Mis-
Ter Specie. Was he the only man at
he beach with sand enough to pro-
bose? Edith-No, but he was the only
nan with rocks enough for me to
ccept.
[ hear that Mr.. Savant is living in
he greatest poverty : Practically
starving. Can nothing be done for
i'm. Oh, yes, his friends began a
ear ago to collect funds for monu-
nent to him.
Hotel Rates Hewitt-I had night
mare the last time was at that hotel.
Rewett- What of it? Hewitt fool
silly mentioned it to the clerk the
lext morning and he charged me for
he use of one horse.
Has that book any good characters?
asked the literary critic. Well, re-
blied the casual reader, few of the
people had good characters in the
irst chapter. But they're all hope
essly lost before the middle of the
story.
Ballots-How did you come to cut
Four leg off? Col. Bluegrass Well,
Fou know 1 was nominated for gov
brnor on the farmers ticket and did it
while trying to cut grass in the field
when the notification committee ap
peared.
Reuben-Silas don't seem to care
much for the theater. Hiram-No, he
Don't When was with him in New
Y ork, we went to one of them contin
1al performances and we wasn't there
#nore'n three or four hours afore he
4 got tired.
don't believe in anything l can't
bee, said the young man who aims to
be considered a skeptic. The middle
hged man with overalls on looked at
him pensively and then inquired:
Young Teller, did you ever ketch hold
'bf Electric wire?
You are charging me most horrible
prices, complained the prospective
'Klondiker. 1t is just this way, said
the Seattle merchant. You either
strike it rich or freeze to death; so
'either way you won't miss the money
you are leaving behind.
Daughter-Yes, I've graduated, but
now 1 must inform myself in psychol-
Hpgy, philology, bibli- Practical Moth
er-Stop right where you are. have
n roastology, boilology, stitchology,
|darnology, pathology and general
do mestic hustle ology. Now get on
your apron.
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