The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1897-06-18
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once upon a time man who needed
the aid of Fontenelle went to the great
philosopher and began an apology for
pamphlet he had written against him,
Fontenelle's whitening answer was:
"Sir, this is the first time have heard
of it,"
Leo the Thirteenth was greatly in de-
mand as diner-out while filing the
Office of nuncio at Brussels. Always
severe in matters Of propriety, he was
deeply offended by baron who passed
him a snuff-b on the lid of which was
enameled feminine finger en- des-
habille. Controlling his annoyance, his
future holiness replied: every pretty.
Is it your wife?"
When William j. Stillman was in
Greece for the London Times, report
was sent out that he had been behead-
ed. One Of his friends telegraphed to
the correspondent this message: "Ru-
NOR here that your head has been
taken off. Is it truey' The message
reached Stillman, and this was his re-
ply: my dear boy, newspaper man
never loses his head.''
When Mr.. Hunter, the Confederate
Secretary of State, referred to the cor
respondence between Charles the First
and Parliament as a precedent for a
negotiation between constitutional
ruler and rebels, Lincoln replied: up
on matters Of history must refer you
to Mr.. Seward for he is posted in such
things, and I don't profess to be; but
my only distinct recollection Of the mat
ter is that Charles lost his head"
There was once mathematical tutor
in one of our great universities who
was in the habit of boasting that he
neither knew nor cared to know any
thing about poets or poetry, and con-
sidered it all "a lot Of impractical rot"
A certain brother tutor anxious to con-
vert him, gave him the famous Charge
of the Light Brigade" to read. The
mathematician took it up and began
to read aloud, thus: "Half league,
half league, half a league" Then
he banged the book down, exclaiming,
ampatiently, "Well, if the fool meant
league and half, why on earth didn't
he say so?'
James Russell Lowell, when Ameri-
can minister to England, was much
bothered by the wife of an American
Senator, who was determined to be
presented at court The woman was
noisy, ill1terate, and socially impossi-
BILE; but she was the wife of Senator.
There came a time when the minister,
worn out with her opportunities, was
about to capitulate; in that hour Of
weakness, however, he CHANGED to over
hear his prosecutor say to friend, re-
garding a dressmaker's bill which had
just come in: "When 1 see the size of
that bill just laid back and yelled"
The lady was not presented.
A privately printed volume about the
famous Athenaeum Club, in London,
just issued, has some stories about
bishops, many of whom are members
of it. One is of clerical dignitary
who, being anxious to consult one of
the fathers on a theological point,
asked servant Of the club eff Justin
Martyr was in the library" II don't
think he's member, my lord" was the
answer, 'but I'll go and ask the por-
ter" The curious behavior of bishop
is thus described by an eyewitness:
"As I stood talking outside the Athe-
naeum the other day, saw bishop
a humble suffragan-drive up in a
hanson and bid. the (unpai0 eabman
wait while he went into the club. A
minute or two later out came a real
bishop, who guilelessly got into the
waiting hanson, and, being mistaken
BY the cabman for his original fare,
was straightway driven off. Then
issued the suffragan, whose inquiries
for his cab led to his being informed
by second cabman that it had been
taken by another gent in leggings.'"