The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-03-30
ABE AND THE KURNEL
THEY DISCUSS THE POSSIBILITIES OF
SOME GREAT IDEAS.

Utilized In Street Cars-Enough Horace
power In Chilblains nnd Common Coughs
to Turn tho Wheels of Commences.
"Mawnin, Kurncl Dawson; mawnin
TO yo',' saluted Abe Crofoot as he ell
countered tho good natured planter in
the corridor of the postoflico the other
day. Say, kumel, ever noticed anything
shuckless about mc:'
why, no. replied the colonel. "Yo'
don't appear to git along as right we'll
us some, but take it that circumstances
hev bin again yo'."
That's it, kurnel; jest sarcu,n-
stances, and I'm glad yo' kin sec it.
was BON too late to be gincral and too
early to be president of the United
Stats. but these ere Pike county folks
can't overlook it.
''Shoo, SHOOT But yo' amt gwine to
give up. Abe?''
Say, Kurnel Dawson, replied Abe
us he stepped back to survey the colonel,
did yo' ever h 'ar of the phenix bird?''
Can't rightly say ever did, Abe.
Is it crow or u buzzard or some such
thing?'
The phenix bird, sah-thc phenix
bird is n bird that rises up from the
ashes when all has been destroyed and
begins business ag in. Yo' may burn all
his tail feathers off, hut he rises less tho
same and proceeds to grow new ones
He's got ambition and pluck, and he'll
git thar i'll the end. I'm that phcnix
bird, kurnel''
Shoe! Risin' right up, ch?"
THAT'S what I'm doin, sah, and it
won't be n month befo' these Pike county
folks will hide their heads fur shame.
I've got mo- ideas, kurnel-hcaps and
heaps of 'cIn. All I want is leetle
time to work 'em out. Yo'vo seen them
'lectric street cars, l reckon?''
"Of co'se.''
What becomes of the Electricity after
1T gifts through runnin the carr
Shoe! Shoot" replied the colonel as
no scratched his head and looked puz-
zled.
Wasted, Kurnel Dawson, wasted in
the air and the ground. Thar's Il waste
of 81 per cent of the power right along
every hour in the day, Why not save it
and utilize it? That's one of my ideas.
That yere wasted power can be made to
pass hat along and collect fares, to
push fat man along OH the seat and
make room, to open and close umbrellas,
II 1T rains, to chuck IL redheatled man off
the car II he won't pay his fare. 1t can
be made to do mo-, kurnul, heaps mo-,
but yo' git my idea:"
81 sorter git it, Abe-jcss huff to see
that it's II big thing, bound to be a win
ner. Say, Abe, thar ought to be riches
i'll it,
Fur shore. Gimme month to think
it over and l won't take millyon dol
lars fur tho idea. That amt all, how
ever. That's only one of 80 big things
I'm workin OIL. Yo'vc had chilblains on
your feet, kurncl?''
Eyes, drat emf
And yo'vo had to scratch 'cm?
Scratchin don't do no good, but that's
allus the idea. III these United Stats
thar ar exactly 1888, 1GS people who
hcv chilblains every winter. Each one
scratches total of SO hours Every
time yo' scratch chilblain yo put forth
jess half of one Horsepower. Yo' kin call
1T 900 Horsepower wasted by 1888, lGS
people. That's b9l, 5S4, 600 Horsepower
gone to waste when it could be made to
distill and bar'l up al the whisky man
ufacturcd in the United Stnits See the
pint, knrncl? Let 'cm keep on scratchin.
though it don't do no good, but store up
the power and sell or rent it, Yo' can
como iii OH the ground floor and take
stock at 80 cents on the dollar, but it'll
go up to 200 Ecfo' IL month rolls around.
How docs it strike yo'?"
Abe, yo ar Il wonderful crittcr-
jess wondcrfuln' Gaspcd tho colonel as
Inc pvfpulp1 his hand
''Thanlicc, kurncl | don't 20 fnr to
make any claims for niysclf, but rccl.-
on these ycrc Pike county scandalizers
will h'ar sunthin drap befo' | am
through. When yo've coughcd yo'r head
was throwod forward and yo'r heels lift
cd up, Kurnel Dawson"
Heaps Of times, Abe.
And when yo couglcd yo' cXcr;cd
yo'rsclf bout the same rs when vo'
climbed fence. Of the 20, 600 coo peo-
pie in America about one half have Il
cough all the time. It's all wasted cxcr-
ton. Yo' cough because yo' can't help
it, but yo' don't accomplish anything.
I've fingered that wasted power right
down fine, kurncl, and it amounts to
26.0OO,O0O Horsepower Il var, lcavm
out baby coughs. See where | am at:''
store up the power and use it. Abo:"
uucricd the colonel
Fur shore, but not to turn tie wheels
of commerce. Use it to help people up
stairs in their houses, and thus do away
with elevators Every five people cough
in orter lift an ole woman Nlp an or
binary pair OF stairs and hev sunthin
left over It's got to work with I system