New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-04-28
q member ,f MI. Glad stones ad ministra-

MEMBER OF MT. dtaOStOue SAOMlnlSCId'
ton he had occasion to cross the Irlst
sea on day when the steamer was over
crowded, and there were not berths fol
all. He was attended by a private sec
rotary with q beard, who picked acquain
lance with i Scotchman. The latter
made a suggestion for the distribution
of the party on the principle OF age be-
fore honors. "You and I, mon," he said
twill occupy the berths, and the wee
laddie" indicating the distinguished
statesman s'can just lie himself down
on the foor.'
Carlyle's severest critic, and critic
of his own school, was an old parish
roadman at Eccle- fechan.
"Been long time in this neighbor-
hood?" asked an English tourist.
@Been here a. ma days, sir" ~.
*Then you know the Carlyles?" -.
sWecl that! A ken the whole of them.
There was let me see,' he said, leaning
on his shovel and bordering, @there was
Jock; he was kind of throughither
sort o. chap, doctor, but no a bad fell
fow, Jock-he's acid, mon.'
"And there was Thomas" said the in
quirer eagerly.
ooh, az, of course, there's Tam-a
useless, munestruck chap, that writes in
London. There's naething in Tam; but,
mon, there's jamie, owre in the Now
ands-there's a chap for ye. jamie
takes mair swine into Eccle- fechan mar
ket than any ither farmer i the parish
London Answers.
The other day, writes correspondent
of the St. James Gazette, 1 was told
story about the new archbishop of Can
terbury which have not yet seen in
print. As my informant was clergy
man, il. must, of course, be true.
A certain youthful curate was taken
to task by his lordship for reading the
lessons of the service in an inaudible
tone. Whereupon the young man re-
Piled: 81 am surprised, that you should
ind fault with my reading, as a friend
If mine in the congregation told : me
hat I was beautifully heard" "Did she?"
mapped the bishop, and the fair young
urate collapsed.
His lordship had once been young
lergyman himself, and knew a thing or
wo about the 'frlend."
In one of the suburbs of Belfast trade
'as dull, and the chief grocer in the dis
riot found his earnings becoming small
r day by day. One morning an old
ustomcr entered. In expectation of
good, the grocer jumped up
rom his seat, and, rubbing his hands,
aid: swell, missus, what can get you?"
ha' pennyworlh O. SOAP" was the re-
ly. @Oh," SAID the disgusted grocer,
yell be for washin' the canary today?'
London Tit-Bits.
A Williamsburg family was discussing
lusic. One member strove to recall the
anne of a certain composer.
IL can't remember it to save my life,"
he said, aalthough it's on my tongues
nd. AS near as I can come to it, his
ame is Doorknob."
"Doorknob," repeated one of the 9TH
RS. ''There is no composer whose name
ounds anything like that I'll 90 over
few names Beethoven, Mendelssohn,
Wagner, Haydn, Handel"
"That's it," interrupted the forgetful
ne. cts Handel. l knew it was some
hing you seized with your hands. -
Chronltle-Telegraph.
A Boston gentleman, has a telephone
II his new house, and he instructed a
lewly engaged Irish maid servant how
o reply in case there should come a call
'ver the wire during: his absence. One
lay there came such Il call, and Norah
vent to the telephone.
swell, scr?' said Norah, with her
mouth to the speaking tube.
"Who's that?" came over the wire in
masculine voice. t.t. .-
.sIt's me, sor." "~ ~ +
q
s'And who is me?''