Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-12-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY,


ais eyes, but when there's company
he wakes up with his mouth, too. ~
Judge.
New Yorker-"Have you spent
much time in investigating microbes,
Miss Back Bay?" Boston Girl-"Yes,.
indeed; L dote on the dear little
Michaelrobes. Judge.
"The Dey of Algiers is very short
man, isn't he?" 81 believe so.T
''Then it would be true to say that
ME people of Algiers are as honest as
The Dey is long. Puck.
Ethel-"What kind of man is this
Mr.. Washington you speak of SO
often?" Jack-'Well, he is what we
men call a good fellow" Ethel
''Mercy! AS bad as that?"-Puck.
Little Bob-'Aw, 1 could walk the
rope just as well as the man in the
circus if it wasn't for one thing"
Little Willie-"What is that?" Lit
lie Bob-"I'd fall off. "-Harper's
Bazaar.
New Servant-''I found this coin
1pon your desk, sir" Master-'I
am glad you are honest. I put it
here purposely to test your honesty"
New Servant - "That's what
thought. standard.
Johnny, Johnny, what do you
mean by hitting your little brother on
the head with the hammer" IT
couldn't help it, NAV. That cap
you've got on him made him look so
much like tack. indianapolis Jour
nal.
Mrs. Farmer-"Don't you never do
no work?" Tired Tomkins-''Well,
say; if yer knew w'ot hard work it wuz
,er college bred man ter keep his
temper whist answerin' ungrammat-
cal females yer wouldn't ask dat. -
Judge.
Little Arthur had been to church
'How did you like the sermon?" asked
his sister. pretty well," responded
The youthful critic. 1.-THE beginning
was very good, and so was the end, but
it had too much middle. London
Tit-Bits.
81 once knew a man whose hair
changed from black to white in sin
gle night because he lost his fortune"
"Well, know girl who lost her for
tune, and her hair changed from au-
burn to red in less time than it takes
to tell il. t."-Detroit journal.
Mrs. Nubbons-"My husband is
perfect brute" Friend-"You amaze
me-" Mrs. Nubbons-"S Since the
baby began teething nothing would
quiet the little angel but pulling his
papas beard-and, yesterday, he
went and had his beard shaved of. ;"
Standard
Host-"Why did you give that man
the most expensive rooms in the
house? Do you know if he has the
means to pay?" Porter-"Of course
1 do. Would that pretty young woman
have married such an ugly old fellow
if he wasn't rich as Cresus?"-Flie-
gende Blaetter
First Whitecap-"Here's letter
from the wife of the man we lynched
last night" Second Whitecap-"You
don't say sol" First Whitecap-"Yes;
she says she likes our style of doing
things very much, and asks if we'd
mind dropping up some evening this
week to hang few pictures for he" !"
Detroit Journal.
Reeder-"Good gracious, mani
Why do you buy that trashy magazine?
There is nothing to read in it"
Wheeler lin amazement)-"Trashyt
Nothing to read? Why, man alive,
you must be crazy! This magazine
contains more bicycle advertisements
than any other two magazines put to-
er!"-Puck.
The Chicago Times-Herald can give
good answer to almost any question.
When the Denver Post wondered why
| the cartoonists always represent Uncle
Sam with trousers much too short for
him, it said: "The trousers are long
enough, but the old mans legs have
been pulled so often that they are now
really longer than they ought to be"
West Union Gazette.
Miss De Fashion (breathlessly)-.
ooh, mother, it won't do to wait three
weeks before having my party. We
must send out the invitations at once,
and have it this week" Mrs. De
Fashion-"Goodness me! what's the
hurry?" Miss De Fashion-'"That
odious Miss De Pretty, whom Mr..
Richfellow so much admires, has boil
on her nose. New York Weekly.
The physician in charge had decided
that on operation should be per-
formed. ''Do you think" asked
relative, anxiously, "that the opera
ton will do any good?" "Well,
should say it would" replied the doc
tor, confidently. "And he'll live?"
"Oh, dear, no; not at all. But it will
settle medical point that has been in
dispute for the last fifty years. -
Chicago Post.