The San Francisco call., 1897-11-28
ADVENTURES
OF A
SEVERED HEAD

The doctor occupies chair in one of the
local medical colleges, and has whiskers-
that is as far as the description can go.
colleague of the doctor holds the posi-
ton of anatomical demonstrator in the
same college, and it fell out recently that
he stood in need of head ior dissection.
Now, it happens that doctor No. l is
connected with a hospital, and to him
No. appealed for help in supplying the
deficiency in the matter of heads.
No. l readily undertook 10 fill the want
and In doing so made a story which he
considers funny. and tells, with every in
dication OF being sincere in his belief to
his professional and semi-proiessional
friends.
Shortly after the professor applied to
me. said the doctor. woman died in
;he hospital. She was one of those un-
known and friendless beings who drift
into the paupers' plat at our cemeteries if
unclaimed for scientific purposes, so
put in claim on her and appropriated the
head.
1 had arranged with the doctor TO leave
the head in the back hall at the college,
to the door OF which l had a key, so
| wrapped it in paper and slowed it il q
basket and went on about my duties in
the hospital. 1t was late before l got
through, and was drilling rain when l
boarded the car to go 10 the college.
When it came to paying my fare dis
covered that had left my keys at home,
and knew the college ianitor could not
be found at that hour, SO decided 10 take
the head home with me.
The car was crowded with damp people,
when it stopped to take in an additional
crowd, and a large, middle-aged woman
with an um brella made her way through
the iammed aisle as no one but fat wo-
man can, and crowded her ample proper
tions between my elf and young woman
On my right.
The fat party carried her um brella in a
defiant manner, so 1 moved away from
her as far as possible, consigning her to
oblivion, as well as l could consign with
some hundreds of pounds of her form
resting on my lap. The basket was on
the floor of the car at my feet, and as l
had covered it with several papers L did
not give it thought unit; little scream
all out Of proportion to her size, yelling
up from the fat woman and an exclama-
ton of horror from the young woman
called my attention to them.
Then l saw the fat dame hastily re-
moving her umbrella from my basket,
where she, guided by the evil star that
dominates the actions of fat women, had
poked it, disarranging the papers to such
an extent that the face of the head within
looked up at the frightened passengers
like mute victim of some dark and sim
full deed appealing TO them for vengeance
"'Woof, murder! snorted the fat
woman, and the man hanging to the strap
above my head, and between whose feet
the basket stood, looked down, then bolt
ed for the door. l bent over the evidence
of my guilt and attempted to hide 1t,
while the people in that end of the car
who had seen ii crowded upon each other
in an effort to give the red-handed MUIR
dsrer more room. | lost no time in TAX
ing advantage of the space left clear and
made my way to the front door, where l
dropped off the car with my shameful
load, feeling very much like the murderer
they had taken me to be. and which I
would undoubtedly have been if l
had had that fat woman in some seques-
tcIeu SpOt Juob tuou.
I waited until car came with room
outside for the basket ana myself
momentarily expecting a policeman to
rush breathlessly up and clap handouts
upon my wrists. When l reached home
l found message which directed me 10
call at once at the house of a patient an
apoplectic old lady, and as the message
had been delivered half an hour before 1
arrived, l felt that had no time to tarry.
So sent for my carriage and rushed into
the house, leaving the basket in the dining
room. / threw the remedies 1 was most
likely to need into my case and rushed
out again, forgetting to give the servant
any instructions concerning the basket.
1t transpired that in my absence my
wife went into the dining-room, found
the basket, explored its con EMS, and
well, my wife is woman, SO she could do
little else but faint. which she did
prom tly and effectively. preluding it by
a scream.
The cook went 20 the rescue ana emu
lated her mistress by tumbing down in a
heap on top of her at the first glimpse of
the unfortunate head. The impact of
the cooks frame brought my wife 10 her