The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-01-27
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.


= A thought grows clear and def
mite by simply lying in the mind.
- The man who spends his life III
trying to make this world like heaven
does godlike work.
1t is unlucky to sneeze before
breakfast, or to tell dreams before
taking drink Of water.
ct is always safe TO make 5;
small boy present Of new knife. q
"Why ?" because he has. always
just lost his old one"
"Therc were great many deeply
lamented deaths last year. !" "Yes,
ard, then again. lots Of people who
ought to have died didn't"
"A strong microscope shows the
single hairs Of the head to be like
coarse, round rasp, but with teeth cx
trcmely irregular and jagged.
"I've made ono New Year rcso
luton that I'm going to sec carried
out "What is it?' ''Thc world
has got to treat me better than it did
last year. &
dearest, if I werefar, far away,
could you still love me Why,
Rcggy, what question !! I'm sure the
farther you were away the betterI
should love you."
"Uncle Simon, what is old fash i.
ioned politeness 2" ssIt is way peo.
pie used to have of asking n man about
his health and then listening untilshe
got through replying" ~
"Folks nebber is Satisfied, said
Uncle Eben. 'Er white young lady:
is allus tryin' ter git frizzes in her
hair, an de culled young lady is allus
tryin ter git 'em out. :"
= Teacher: "Tommy, what would
you call a superior animal, aud give
your reason for it, Tommy: 4
should say the giraffe was one, COS he 4;
can look down on all che others. s
= Mamma-'sBobby, heard you !:
were very naughty boy to day. Now
tell me all about it." Bobby with d
sudden access of modesty( Teacher
says it isn't polite to talk too much
about yourself"
= When the Breton mariner puts
to sea, his prayer is, "Keep me, my
God my boat is so small, and Thy $
ocean so wide !, Does not this beau
tiful prayer truly express the condi-
tion of each Of us? S
She: "'Tis true that have
broken the engagement, and that [ z
still have your ring, but do 5op know
why [ retain that ring p He (rue-
fully: "On the theory, I suppose,
that to the victor belongs the spoils. - e.
- "Mrs. Shopper is just crazy after
bargains. She is down town every
bargain day, and never gets home
until dark" eyes, indeed. She'd
die happy if she could be laid out on i
a bargain counter and buried as
remnant.
"Our new neighbors are very po-
lite," said Mrs. Perkase to her hus- g
band when he came home at night.
"Are they ?" eyes !; I sent to borrow S.
their stepladder, and they told me
they hadn e one, but if T. d wait awhile
they'd send and buy one."
Deacon Johnson-lm m afraid dat
ef 20 married nah daughter I would
hab to assist yo'. Abe Hardease--
Lawd, no; kin take care oh mahsaif
all right. Yo' wouldn't hab to do
muffin but take care of her an de
children. Don't yo' worry yosaif Z
about me.
= INDECENT Young Mani would
respectfully ask your daughters hand
in marriage, sir" Rich Father Gin
indignant surprise)--"What You
want to marry my daughter" In
digent Young Man somewhat furried)
"Y-yes, sir. W-why not? You don't
know anything wrong with her, do
you?'
Edward, what do I hear-that s.
you have disobeyed your grandmother,
who told you just now not to jump
down these stairs 2" Grandmother
didn't tell me not to, father; she only e
came TO the door and said, I wouldn't
jump down these stairs, Edward;
and I shouldn't think she would, an
old lady like her"
: 1t was said not long ago that the
United States government was asked
to appropriate 81 100000 for the sup
preston Of the Russian thistle in the
northwest. Now South Dakota mill
owner has offered S1.50 e ton for all
the thistles which may be delivered at
his factory. He says that it is nearly
as good as coal for fuel
-"Do you go to school, little boy?"
"Oh, yes, sir, I love to go to school" !"
"What do you study-reading, writing
and arithmetic n aAll Of those, sir. 8
"And are you familiar with punctu; 8
alton ?" ooh. yes, indeed, sir..
Teacher puncbuated her tire las week,
az I mended it for he- in less'n ten e
minutes; yes, indeed, sir
At some of the Pennsylvania
mines coal is selling for IS and 60 !
cents ton, and the miners are paid
70 cents. The owners of the mines
apparently lose money on each ton of
coal taken out, but as many of them
are interested in the railroads which,
carry the coal to market, they probably
more than make good tho loss.
For pain in the chest piece Ct
flannel dampened with Chamberlain's
Pain Balm and bound on over the seat
Of the pain, and another on the back
between the shoulders, will afford
prompt relief. This is especially
valuable in cases where the paini is
caused by cold and there is a tendency
toward pneumonia. For sale by Hill
Orr Drug Co.
"Why do they say as smart as a
steel trap p asked the talkatiye
boarder. "I never could see anything
particularly intellectual about steel
trap A steel trapis called smart.
explained Mr.. Asbury Peppers, in his
sweetest voice, "because it knows ex-
actly the right time to shut up
More might have been said, but under
the circumstances it would have
seemed uniting.