The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1897-12-22
Facts and Fancies.

A colony of Itelitn fishermen in San
Francisco support Dante society of
heir own, and read the poet together.
He-It seems to me that bashful
lover is about the most pitiful object in
the world. She-How about the grip
She'll is wonderful how these
stories travel. He-Yes, indeed L
think Dame Rumor must ride a wheel.
Do you thiAk that pretty little Mrs,
Smith is a grass widow? She Gealous
i should think it's very likely. She's
| green enough
Which would you rather have around
flat building--a dog or baby? That
would depend entirely on which one of
them was mine.
Mrs. Zoozelbaum seems to be great
power in this neighboihood. Is she SO
intellectual? No, but she owns three
! preserving kettles.
Mrs Kiver-For mercy's sake, Mary,
what are the children quarreling aboui9
Mary-lps only in fun, mem; they be
playing they're married.
His Friend-Why don't you 20 right
! in and ask the old man for her tonight?
The College Sprinter-I can't, tonight,
L haven't got my running trousers.
would not marry woman who did
OF know how TO cook Oh, l might
overlook little thing like that, if she
had money enough TO pay my board.
Street Car Conductor TO driver)--I
wonder what that man is running so
hard for? Driver Cooking back)-
Mebby the fool wants TO get on. G'langl
The average man, remarked the OBJ
server of men and things, will scknowl-
edge the corn where the average woman
would pretend it was a spraiued ankle.
Arthur, cannot stand this city air.
/ must have the foliage of the forest, l
must have birds, l must But, my
dear, you have all of that on your hat.
Before a man is thirty he falls in love
with every pretty girl he looks at. Yes?
And after he is thirty he falls in love
with every pretty girl who looks at him.
Tescher-What do you know about
kangaroo? Boy-It has a pouch.
Teacher-What does it do with it?
BOy-When it is hunted it gets inside.
Governess-Why don't you eat your
consomme, BERTHE? Bertie-Cause I
asked Harry what became of the cook
papa discharged and he said she was in
the soup
Bobby says he knows why people al
ways throws old shoes after bride.
Why is it, Bobby? So she'll have
something to wear when her new ones
gets hurtin' her.
Woman-Go away, you wretch. 1
don't believe you ever drew a sober
breath. Tramp-Oh, yes, | have at
times, mum; Life amt all peaches
and cream for me.
Mrs. Models your sons wife a
good manager9 Mrs. Oldham-Yes.
She manages TO make William jump
every time she speaks to him and that's
more than | was ever able to do.
Old Gentleman-Au able bodied fell
low like you shouldn't be begging.
Why don't you work? Tramp-Well,
guv'ner, hain't nothing to eat and I'm
afraid of bringing on a happetite.
Mrs. Portly Pompous-Do you I'M
derstand how to cook properly?
Bridget-Indade, mum, l do. The
parlacemau, who use to call on me in
me last place was regular epicac.
Maria-What did your father say
when Lord De Liverus asked him for
your hand? Mss Specie--I believe
papa referred him to charitable as
ISOLATION of which he ia a member.
TOMMY think mamma Is an awful
gossip. Ethel-Oh, Tommy, how can
you say such thing? Tommy-Well,
she is !; everything l do she goes right
off and tells papa. don't like gossip.
That Miss Goldrick seems to be aw-
f,,1 la- xrY,th h.,
ular is no name for it. Why, do you
know her father has actually got out
printed form of declinatlon of offers for
her hand?
Editor-No, young man. I'm afraid
your story won't do. Author Why,
what's the trouble with it? Editor,
you've got the Chicago lovers marry
ing and living together for the rest Of
their lives.
There's just one thing about a BAN
quet, said Browning, as the fifth course
was brought on, that l don't like.
What's that asked man across the
table. After it's all over, you know
you've got to go home.
Mother-What did your father say
when he saw his broken pipe? limo
cent. Shall l leave out the wicked
words, mamma? Mother-Certainly
Innocent-Then !. don't believe there is
any thing to tell you, mamma.
1 tell you what, soliloguized the
father of a large family, as he gazed
admiringly at his youngest, we never
had finer baby than she isl Come to
think of it, he went on, after some fur
Their reflection, nobody else ever did,
either.
Pease-I had an awful time at the
dentists Worse than you expected ?
Pease-I should say so. He put some
of his COMPOUNDED instruments in my
mouth so that couldn't talk back and
then he told me his wheel was better
than mine.
No, said the gentleman in the bald
wig, l amt much of bass singer, but
you ought to hear my brother. Was he
much? asked the gentleman with the
pea-green whiskers. Much? His voice
was 80 heavy it made him bow-legged
to carry it.
Mrs. Pangloss-Dear mel I'm sorry