Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1897-05-13
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Cynic-I can't see why man who /,
happy when single should ever mar
ry. Friend-He never does.-Puck.
He-You girls seem to be awfullv
fond of sweets. She-And you men
seem to be awfully fond of sours.-Cor
nell Widow.
Stern father-I hear you were ont
gambling last night Is it true? GAY
youth-No. sir; l was ahead.-New
York journal.
Beggar-Please, sir, I'm so exhausted
cant get my breath and Gentle
man-Here's five cents; go and buy
one.-Harlem Life.
Mr.. New Hub-What does it mean
when a bride promises to obey? Mrs
New Hub-Simply that she prefers not
to make a scene.-Puck.
freddie is jealous of his preroga.
tives, isn't he?" What makes yeu
say SOP He got angry the other night /
and told me not to be foOl"-New [
York Sun.
"DO you think Skinner can make
living out there?" Make liylng
Why he'd make living on rock in
the middle of the ocean-if there was
another man on the rock. ."-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Spat-Your husband is an in
ventor, | believe? Mrs. Spotter-Yes.
Some of his excuses for coming home
late at night are in use all over the
country.-Philadelph North Ameri.
can.
Wont you take this seat?" said the
gentleman in the car, rising and lifting
his hat. NO, thank YOU" said the girl
with the skates on her arm; I've been
skating. and I'm tired sitting down.
Yonkers Statesman.
IF didn't love my husband. I'd stab
him to DEATH" exclaimed the warm
blooded lady from New Orleans. II
wouldn't" said the Chicago woman;
I'D get divorce and stick him for
alimony."-TOwn Topics
"And how did he die?" asked the lady
who had come West to inquire after
the husband she had lost. "Er-by re-
quest, ma'am," said the gentle cow
boy, as mildly and regretfully as posi-
ble.-lndianapolis Journal.
"Who is that young woman near the
other end of the table talking about
correct taste in art?" (Which young
woman? There are several" "The one
with the wooden toothpick in her
mouth. h.'-Chicago Tribune.
"Do you see anything coming our
way" asked the morning star of a
companion. Not yet was the reply;
but | see a servant below there who
is about to light her kitchen fire with
kerosene. ne."-Yonkers Statesman.
IT'S perfectly absurd, this clamor
about our hats. People who can't see
over them would better not go to the
theater." II know: that's what told
my husband, and he said. All right, we
won't GO; and we don't."-Bazar.
Simonsby-I have chance to marry
two girls; one is pretty. but mere but
tertly, as it were, and the other, though
plain. is an excellent housekeeper.
Mr. Russell of Chicago-Take the pret-
ty one rst.-Indianapolis journal.
How long have you been on this
route" asked the drummer of the
conductor on n primitive Southern
railroad. "Ten yeahs, sub" Indeed?
You must have gotten on several miles
south of where l did."-Detroit Free
Press.
He-"Now that our engagement is
ended, l suppose we should return
each others lettersY" She-"I suppose
so. And, George, while we are about
1t, why not return each others kisses"
Engagement renewed on the spot
Boston Transcript.
a young student lately presented
himself for examination and ignomn-
iously failed. TO his family. anxious
to hear of his success, he telegraphed
thus: Examination splendid; profes-
sors enthusiastic. They wish for a Sec
ond in October. Tit
He-"Do you remember when first we
met? The dew was on the grass the
air was full of summer scents, and"
Shelves; and now there's no summer,
no dew, no grass and no sense. By the
way, have you heard of my engage
mentT-Detroit Free Press.
Ethel-"Oh, dear me! l don't know
what to think! Algy asked me last
night If l wouldn't like to have some
thing around the house that l could
love, and that would love me-" Edith
"WellT Ethel-"Well, l don't know
whether he means himself or whether
he is thinking of buying me dogr'-
Puck.