Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-12-26
uIS A FINE HEAD.
pLnR DISCUSSES A CERTAIN GOOD
nrr srRoxe-MISDEp, WOMAN.
| CHRISTMAS TRICK OF HERS.
aow she Gave Handsome Presents
nj small Expense, and Got Nice
o... an Return Tbsrefor--Thst
shattered Crockery.

The commander-in-Chief may nave
mean ways and may speak contemp'u'
ms,v OF men, but when II comes 10 a
,ood headpiece there isn't anybody IN
mis- country that can hold a candle 10
,s,. When ! say that this good, out
,,rooo-r,,nded. woman has intelligence
sothing over, do not speak because
nm I'm her hearing, or in the oeiief she
nav be listening at the keynote ou'
rom NV firm convictions. She pulled
Is all through Christmas without a
itch. barring the powdcr-bnrned face
sroyer Cleveland got and the sprained
lnkls OF William Jennings Bryan, ana
ne midnight attack OF collie which Mar
,oapka suffered. and tho narrow escape
n bakers Dozen" the baby. who hckea
he green paint off his brothers Moan
lrk. and subsequently got too grassy
~ NJ. internal comfort. No, do not
,,a,se her because she accomplished al
bese things, which In themselves are
oarvels. but for the unique ana mex"
,ens,ve way IN which she saved me
honey during this trying and most eA
Ians,ve holiday. Now Christmas gir''
re ell very nice. especially when you
ire getting them. but it's pretty tousn
Ack when YOU have TO pay up for theIh
,st as YOU do for wedding presents. IL
friend IS going TO give you somethlhs
80 costs a dollar. why, OF course, you
ira expected TO reciprocate by giit
s,sIly as expensive You've got %
rave a return for everything you get or
here's going to be trouble your 81
nust cost as much as the one you get
= Won try 20 save a few cents on lhv
leal thu recipient will hate you TOT hte'
Ind II YOU spend a few cents over inc
nc, Of the donation which blesses you
mem You'll hate yourself for nie' Az
hose important questions were carelui'y
oyolved beforehand in the cocoanut o.
he Commanders -Chief. who can 30
Midway TO meet emergencies by silhpIS
handing still. Yes, she worked q scheile
thereby we received many handsome
hcsents, yet paid up in giits "n'eh
hdn't cost one-flftieth as much' anu
nevertheless. appeased the reclpieh.s'
IN tell YOU how II all happened, out the
htent-right is ours and the Command
h-in-Chlef will suffer no infringements'
Tue, two NIGHTS before Christmas,
t,en the Youngsters had all been blurred
m ~ sleep by the threat that santa
naus wouldn't look at bad CHILDREN
blessed bhaf that, this good. but
rrong-minded. woman commanded me
= omen various and sundry boxes or as
trted sizes. which she had carefully
ned on the lounge where I had once
l.on accustomed to doze "Be careful
INV" she said in tone which Indicated
hat was In the habit Of smashing
us,h an axe the contents OF every box
Ehich met my view.
The packages were heavy and rattled
IKE they had fine stuff IN them.
IhIyered In apprehension lest the com
nonder-in- Chief had undertaken TO We
MIN some of our well-to-do neiEhbors
Nv making costly donations. But not So
An the contrary, she had accomplished
an scononic move which some days iater
tlled me with silent admiration. care
iuily. cautiously. and humbly i opened
me first box. which she said sne haa
purchased for some wealthy friends O.
hrs who live out of the city. with
Iextrous fingers / unwound the string,
,iowly removed tho MANILA paper, ana
sfted the lid How will ever find the
trace to tell the awful sight that met
nv gael There, in chaotic disarTange-
ment. I beheld the shattered pisces or
what had once been a magnificent cut
rlass bowl, which must have cost al
least 500 when intact. Cold chills ian up
nv back, then down. and then cross
says. 1 momentarily expected The te-
male volcano TO have an erupt,oa. HAD
he awful, steely eyes detected the shat
Chn Mr.
room TO see II the recreant house 6irl
had left few specks OF dust IN the
mantels? ] did not know, but, at any
rate, l formed a desperate resolve. 1
determined 10 lay the package aside and
10 keep mum. But In moment she 9p"
peared 10 have detected my scheme, for
h. that tone which precludes the ioea
Of disot.edience she said: Now open the
next bundle" Had she seen the break
age? Alb, that was the question which
burned into my soul; bat eager 10 pest
pone the ordeal for even minute. ct
lacked the next bundle with a Rrira dts-
peration born of despair. The whole die
tionary doesn't contain the words TO tell
bow carefully l manipulated this second
Package. And yet-horrible awful
frightfui TO relatel-I had no sooner rc-
moved the paper than j discovered ;hat
this merchandise, too. had been smash d
to smithereens Right before my eyes
were dozen exquisite bread-plates
which looked as II they had been ham
mered with an axe. Feeling myself
growing years older, and seeing the gray
hairs sprouting in my head. awaited the
awful burst of thunder. Two magniii-
cent presents and both smashed by what
the Commander-in-C Chief would solemnly
spax.zx.a~asrAznsasss<z 1z-saszSsaSzslassssssss.