The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-01-03
++>>08a+oo> ~oo+a9a~e44
! NY REVOLUTION. 5
: 9
BY W. L. ALDEN.

knew that the whisky was particularly
good. l wondered at his apparent
melancholy.
Il was thinking" said he, "of the
days when l was American minister
to the Central American republics
Our government used to bunch all
the five republics together and send
one minister to the lot of them.
was young in those days, and though
Central America was q mighty rough
place l enjoyed it a heap more than
eyed did any of these European
courts. 1t was a big thing to be am
bassador to Lichtenstein and to have
a hand in the political pie of pretty
near every nation in Europe, but |
never enjoyed it as 1 enjoyed my first
mission to Central America. l liked
the place so much that | stayed there
y years, which was what you might
call breaking the record.
You know, l suppose, that our gov
eminent whenever new administra-
ton comes in, turns out all the for
eign ambassadors and ministers and
put in a lot of new men. 1 ought to
have been turned out after being in
office four years, but / knew that l
couldn't be recalled except by notlfi-
LITIGATION could reach me. When my
ton, and / took good care that no no
tofication could reach me. When my
four years were pretty near up / got
permission to make a tour of the five
republics, and to report on their gen
eral condition.
The Central American postoffice
arrangements were very bad, and l
calculated that I could always keep
ahead of any dispatch recalling me
that the Washington folks might send.
For four years | kept moving from one
place to another, and never once in
that whole time did a single blessed
dispatch or letter from the states ever
catch up with me- Finding that l
couldn't be reached by mail, the gov
eminent sent out three successive
special messengers, with orders TO hunt
me up and notify me that | was re
called, but none of the messengers
were able to come up with me. One
of them did get within a days journey
of where ! happened to be, but luckily
he died of fever before he could do
any harm.
When the four years were ended.
my. own political party came into
power again. and the new president
happened to be an old friend of mine.
So he kept me in Office another four
years, and about the end of that time
| resigned of my ow accord. l had
bang-up time exploring the country
while I was keeping ahead of the mail
and all the messengers, for / had nc
work to dc. and living was so cheap
that l didn't spend any money to
speak of.
when I was free to return to my
post of duty l had four years of back
salary to draw, and though it only
made S12.O 900 all told. it made me one
of the richest men in Central America,
barring. of course, the presidents of
the different republics.
The president of zarguela was as
good a fellow as you need to meet,
provided, of course, that he didn't
feel any call to shoot you. He and
were as thick as thieves. The other
ministers were a pretty swell lot, IS
pecially the Europeans. They used to
come to the palace dressed up in gor-
geous uniforms, and at first they
looked down on me because / used 10
wear a blue flannel shirt and trousers.
and nothing else except boots and
necktie You see our government didn't
furnish any uniform for its diplomatic
officers, so ! just adopted the flannel
shirt and trousers for comfort, and
gave out that they were the regulation
uniform for a United States minister.
THE other ministers used to put on
a heap of style, same as they do on
this side of the Atlantic, and l could
see that it bored the president, who
was a rough soldier who had risen
from the ranks. He liked my free
and easy style, and before I had been
in office a month l had more influence
with him than the whole diplomatic
gang put together. I taught him to
play poker, taking care that the bal
ance of winnings, should always be on
his side, and Il used to spend the
greater part of my evenings in his
private room with nobody present but
i 1f
old Kentucky whisky that L imported
for diplomatic purposes.
This President Don Villar Villar
had been in office five years when /
made his acquaintance. That was
very unusual in Central
where a president is gener-
ally turned out or assassinated within
two years after he goes into office.
This particular president. however. had
shot so many of his opponents the day
after his inauguration that there was
nobody who was in a position to raise
a revolution against him. Then, again,
he had governed the country so re-
markably we'll that he was everlast-
ingly popular.
%People had got used to living a quiet
life, without a semi-monthly insurrec-
tion and a biennial revolution. They
found it paid a good deal better than
the ola way VI ludud5iii6 lIllnSS, anu
if there had been free election any
time while 1 was in Zarguela, Don
Villar Villar would have been re-
elected by a unanimous vote. OF
course there wasn't any election, for he
didn't hold with any such foolishness,
but l just mention the thing TO show
you how genuinely popular he was.
One night the president seemed to,
be in curiously low spirits, and after a
IL Ill
matter. I'll tell you the whole story
said he, for I know you will sympa-
thize with me. | have been president
now going on for five years. and there
are pretty near $500, 900 in the treasury
Now 1T has always been the practice
for the president to be turned out by a
revolution just as soon as the treasury
got full enough to make it worth while
for him to carry it off to Paris and live
like a Christian. So far as can find
out. not one of my predecessors ever
carried off more than 100000. but here
am I, with 100000 in my possession.
and no possible way of getting out of
the presidency and leaving this beast
~ country for good and ALL
:" Do you really mean to say said /,
that you want to be turned OUT?
:" of course I do said he. When 1
took the job of governing this country
I expected to he turned out in about
two years, and to be able TO go to
Paris like a gentleman But here I
have been for nearly five years, and
there amt a blessed general in the
whole army who dreams of heading a
revolution.
Why not have an election and
have yourself counted out?' said l.
I've had considerable experience in
practical politics in New York, and if
YOU give me the counting of the votes