Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-12-06
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ShiNhSo i'Gily ANtNSs
what are all those ribbons hanging
on the chandelier" "Thosc are not
ribbons; they are neckties I've pulled
off different men when l was learning
to ride wheel."-Chicago Record.
'Why are yez decorating, Mrs. Mrr-
phy?" "Me by Denny is coming home
the day" II thought he was sent up
for foive years" Yes, but he got a
year off for good behavoure" Sure, it
must be comfortin' for yez to have a
good by like that."-Tit-Bits
Mr.. Dunham-I have called, sir, to
tell you that your daughter, Miss Fan
ME, and l love each other very dearly.
l want to ask you for her. Old Mil
yuns-Well, you'll have to wait n
while. There's no vacancy in the store
now that l could put you into.-Cleve-
land Leader.
Raggles-Wo't yer doin'. Weary, wild
de tellerscope? Weary-Lookin' fer
work. Raggles-Lookin' fer work ?
W'ot fer? Weary-Sos / kin avoid it..
wuz jest sizin' up de houses round
here ter see eff can't strike one dat
keeps a gaserline can instid Nv wool
pile.-Judge.
Il can always distinguish between
this vim ordinaire and red ink" said
the regular diner at the table d'hote.
How" asked the casual customer.
by the label on the bottle" said the
regular with a fiendish grin. This
shows the Importance of judicious ad
vertising.-Judge.
Visitor-What. He is three months
old and you haven't named him yet
Mrs. Wheeler-No. You see, it's this
way: l want to name him after my bi
cycle and John insists on naming him
after his. guess we will have to com
promise and name him after the wheel
mother rides-Puck.
Mrs. de Tepper-I am not happy
with my husband. Shall | drive him
away? Lawyer--EIis life is insured in
your favor, isn't it? Mrs. de Temper
Yes; l made him do that before We
married. Lawyer-Wcll, don't drive
him off. He'll die quicker where he is.
New York Weekly.
Irate customer-Sec here. That suit
of clothes l bought of you yesterday
Is full of moth holes. Dealer-Das is
all recht, mine frient. Moths neffer eat
cotton, an ven ladies an shentlemens
see dose holes dey knows you wears
only high-priced all-vool goots.--New
York Weekly.
Jim made an awful blunder last
week." what was thatY' He got
an invite to Name Scroggs wedding
and felt too poor to buy present. So
like this: 4 have been called out OF
town. Please excuse my presents -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Blinkly-John, dear, won't you
discharge Mary? You know how afraid
/ am of her. Mr.. Blinkly-Certainly
No servant can ever scare me. a lit
tie while after) Mary-ahem! Mrs
Blinlly has asked me to tell you that
she wants to see you after have gone
to the office.-Brooklyn Life.
Yesterday" said Jabson, Il refused
a supplcant woman request for a
small sum of money, and in conse
quence of my act l passed a sleepless
night. The tones of her voice were
ringing in my airs the whole time"
Your softness of heart does you cred
it," said MADISON: who was the WON.
an" my wife."-Detroit Free Press
'Do you mean TO say" asked the Wis
itor, in horror, that the gentleman
was shot for simply rising and making
IA motion during meeting of your de.
batting society?" "Suttinly," said the
Colonel, but you must rcmembah, sah
that the motion he was called down on
was made in the direction of his hip.
pocket. sab. h.'-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Greene-Tell me, aren't there
any expresses running to your town?
of them. Why do You ask? Mrs
Grcene-My husband has tolG me that
he has seen your husband almost ev.
cry night on his way home, and he M.
ways had more than he could carry.
Boston Transcript.
Judge-You admit that you entered
the house of the prosecuting witness
by the door at O'Clock in the morn.
ing? Prisoncr-lcs, your honor. Judge
What business did you have there at
that time of night? Prisoner thought
1t was my own house. Judge-Then
why did you, when this lady approach
ed, leap through the window, jump
into the cistern, and hide yourself?
Prisoner-Your' honor, l thought it was
my wife.-Truth.
Lady Ito manager of employment bu-
rcau)-What nationality is that bright
looking, dark-complcXioned girl over in
the corner? I've addressed her in
French, Spanish and Italian. but she
doesn't scenic understand either. Mani
ager (brisklyJ--1'ricd the United States
dialect on her? NO, never thought of
that" Perhaps she might under