davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

When women seek favors from men.
They smile as they make their re-
quests.
It's KINDLY oblige me-" And then
We ianguidly heed their behesis.
"Oh. won't you DO this much for
me-
They softly. caressingly say.
One only makes never a plea,
But simply informs me I may.
you may tie my shoe" with .
pout.
It's never II wish you wouia
please
And yet without question or doubt
n Most humbly 1 sink 10 my knees.
S~You may push the hammock
awhile
hear the maid carelessly say.
Another would plead with smile
Her majesty says that l may.
No favor she e'er asks Of me.
This damsel so gracious. divine
Whatever / Go can see
The favor is hers. never mine.
She lets" me walk miles for a wrap.
Allows" me 10 row down the hay.
Another might ask me. mayhap-
Her majesty says that l may.
The girl Is 4 natural queen.
Her wishes real favors must be.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

Disintegrated particles OF anthro-
poidal apes.
/ heed not these dry ligaments be-
cause they are. / ween.
ExtemporiZed mammalia from the
early eocene.
This fair and honest jury, am
sure. desires to act
Directly in the plain marked line OF
cold and ciammy fact.
Therefore i say, IN language empha-
sized and underScored,
The old xiphoid appendaga must be
rigldly ignored.
"And that allowed-as must be
you will readily concede
The shrcwd opposing counsel leans
upon broken reed.
That's all. We ask your verdict, and
il your hands we shall rest
Hic jacet cerebellum yeni honi soft
non est"
Chicago Record.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
HIS FIRST CLIENT.

MY first client" said II. Chalk
d'Est Auge at the dinner table OF
a prosperous bourgeois. was the
greatest scoundrel unhung-a bad
egg any way you took him. But I
got him off. He was the black
sheep q 4 GOOD family. and his con-
viction would have made a great
scandal Toward the close OF tho
dinner pompOus. important pcu-
souagc entered. and as the host was
about 10 introduce him TO the ad-
vocate he said: ooh. / need no in
PRODUCTION TO VI. d'Est Auge. ! was
his first client. New York Tribune.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
A REVIVAL OF INDUSTRY.

A REVIVAL OF INDUSTRY.
IT'S whispered through the eager
town
And echoed through the plain.
mo more does moody fortune
frown-
The president Is home again"
And from the east and from the
west
Come mighty troops in glad unrest
That shout the news from vale Il
crest.
THE president is homo again"
The oder statesman of renown
Sets out To- lead the hopeful train
That cries. once moro the bars are
down,
The president is homo again."
And mighty armies join the quest.
They're coming. seventeen abreast.
To pick the places they like best
The president is home again
Washington Star.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
WHOLLY UNu1STIFIARLE

Il have called" said the great
poet, Ito see if you intend commit
ting suicide, as a gentleman should"
But. my dear sir"-began the
groveling editor.
NO butts, ifs or ands can be per-
Missile. / will admit that my chi
Biography is not OF the clearest. but
the veriest tyro, while he might not
have been able TO read 'Cupid's Sur
render as I had written il. at least
would know that it could not be
'Cupid's Suspender' BY all the gods
on high Olympus. what use could
Cupid have for suspenders Gin
cinnati Enquirer.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
TOO HIGH.

Ten years ago me an May Scruggs
Was singin in the choir,
A-holdin of the same hymnbook
An shown nigh an higher.
And folks turned round TO look and
hear
Their music sweet. an when her
Sopranner struck up loud and clear
J come in with my tenor.
Las. night she sung in our town
As Miss Marie Scrugini.
And / went to the opery house
Ter buy seats. like a greeny.
Two seats. g each" they says.
1 backs off quick, an then her
SOprarner struck up loud. and 7.
/ staid out with my tenner.
Detroit Free Press.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
A BACHELORS IDEAS.

A man never appreciates n wom-
ans real value til he marries some
one else.
No woman can understand how
the Lord could ever keep her hus-
band out of heaven when he is so
good to her.
If a man really believed that a
girl would grow to look like her
mother at the same age, he would
move away.
Every man thinks he has more
big trials and e. cry woman thinks
she mas more little worries than
anybody e;se.-New York Press.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
Used TO RnrGHING IT.

Foreign Visitor-Don't YOU think
the United States should have
great navy 20 cope with the battle
ships OF other powers in case Of war;
American-Huh, With one half ths
country annually swept by foods
and the other half continually being
kicked Up by cyclones. what would
We care for a mere bombardment?-
New York Weekly.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
LOST-A SWITCH.

On telegraph pole in the suburbs
of a New England village was tack
ed this notice: 'Lost-Between here
and the postoffice. real lady's hair
switch black mkt with gray with
shoestring tide around one end the
above which please return TO the
postmaster and git fifty cents with
thanks of owner who needs it badly
and Will be thankful for the kind
ness of any Lady CT gent who will
return what cannot be of no use to
them, but which is a needcessity to
her."-Harper's Bazar.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
PUNCTUATION.

Bobby" remarked Mrs. Rong-
wurd TO her little son, your teacher
says as how you don't put enough
punctuality in your exercises. She
says as how you leave out all the
fool stops. the Jimmy columns and
the comics."-New York Journal.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
HIS FITNESS

aside from the fact that recog-
nize you as an ex-oonvict." said the
theatrical manager. you are too
corpulent for an actor. What pos
sible use could we make of you. do
you imagine?"
Il think ought TO make pretty
good heavy villain" wheeZed the ap-
plicant for a job.-Chicago Tribune.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
New York Times.

THE SWEETEST ROSE.
When de rain is drappin
Lonesome fun &c skies
Sing a liz song, honey
Smile, an dry yo' eyes.
What's de use complaints
When de clouds is raininf
Lots er light renainin-
Smile, an dry yo' eyes.
When de summer dyin.
En- de roses lef',
Honey, hush yo' cryin-
Yo'S n rose yo'1eSfs
What 6a use complaininc
Roses come fer rainin,
Sweetes' ones remainin-
Yo'S a rose yo'se'f,
Frank l.. Stanton in Chicago
Times Herald.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
ADVANCE OF SCIENCE.

AIJN ANIL OF SN-IFNCr.
In early days whate'er might be
A mans disease. twas understood
The doctors had one remedy,
And that was just to bleed him
good.
Now times are changed. The salve
and pill
Are what the victim gets today.
And doctors views all differ. Still
They bleed him in another way.
Town Topics.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
Two OE 4 KIND

Mrs. Malaprop Yes. Marie has &C
cepted the prince. She met him at
TIE Duchess of DevOnShire's fancy
dress ball. where he went in the gar
bage of a monk.
Mrs. Pdrtington-Rut then. she
knew ne was as rich as Crokus.-
New York World.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
DOING HIS REST

Daisy-I believe Miss Peachblow
will marry Jack Dashleigh if suffi-
cient pressure is brought 10 bear.
Maz;e-Well. l saw them together
on the piazza last night, and Jack
was certainly doing his best.-Town
Topics.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
UNCLE EBEN'S WISDOM.

"When man tries to pass tCh
whut he amt said Uncle Eben.
hes jes' like pusson dat gifts inter
somebody else's clothes. Dey may
be mighty handsome. but faint
likely he kin make ELI fit."-Wash-
ington Star.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
UTTER INGRATITUDE.

Madam said Meandering Mike,
"have We another pie like the wan
we gimme yestiddy?"
Are you hungry"
"Yes'm. But dat amt why I want
de pie. Dere's a felly down de road
DAT has punctured his bicycle tire.
and I fought I'd get i'm a piece o.
dat crust fur a patch. "-Washington
Star
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

THE HENPECKED ONE.
Beauty draws with single hair"
/ am inclined to doubt,
For when mine draws I know too
we'll
She pulls whole handouts out.
New York Journal
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
Il ElNDICATION.

at IS a monstrous calumny to in.
sinuate that we have been mistreat-
ing Cubans recently" said the Span
ish general.
Can you prove that"
Certainly. Everybody knows we
haven't been able to catch 4 Cuban
in six weeks '-Washington Star.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
FINALLY CONVINCED.

II have been q great many years
reaching the conclusion" she said
thoughtfully, but l guess / may as
well admit that my husband is the
most lndolent man alive"
when did you discover it?'
Yesterday evening. He punctur-
ed his bicycle tire. Instead of going
ahead and fixing it he sat down for
half an hour TO see if it wouldn't get
its second wind. "-Washington Star.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

My dentist has an eagle eye.
And viNJus tools he hacks with.
He's clever. but I've come TO think
lie make a better blacksmith,
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
A CONSIDERABLE FRIEND,

Fuddy-Norbln is a pretty sick
man, / guess. He has changed doc
tors not less than three times in q
fortnight.
Duddy-I know. They are all
friends Of his. and in case of his
death he is determined nobody shall
know for certain which one of them
Transcript.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
HORSE SENSE

what is horse sense. Uncle Jim"
Il don't know exactly, but d man
oughtn't TO trust himself on a BIZ
cycle unless he has got it."-Chicago
Record.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
HER SINGING.

Naud-What do you think 81 Miss
High Notes singing? Its entirely
by ear.
Caldwell. was wondering how
she managed 10 make such a fright
fui noise with her mouth.-Town
Topics.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

THE ROSE AND THE THORN.
And now" remarked the genial
gentleman as he rose from the club
table, after an evening of pleasure
/ go home 10 about three hours
of displeasure. Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
GOSSIP FROM HAVANA.

''Is il true that General Weyler's
army is crippled by desertions?"
Yes. / understand that three Of
his typewriters have eloped."-
washington Star
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

And work done for her can but
mean
Additional pleasure for me.
Oh, beautiful dream Of my life'
hope when I tell her some day
I'm longing 10 make her my wife
Her maiestyll say that may.
Chicago Post.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
FOR HIS SUNDAY SERMON.

The preacher took the volume down
And opened II. 4 wonder
II twouId be q sin he said.
TO steal John WcsIey-s tauu 1er."
-ChiCago Tribune.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
A GOOD SLAYER

He-The light has gone out.
Shelf doesn't take much 70 get
ahead of you.-Town Topics.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

And when they net ne fsilsd her
IN a loving cnbra
Yet. and neverfheleee. y - bat Sue
20 p0sterity. Who. or wf1 a. las been
hunkoed rs history FAR too much. -
cay that. aitho iga folded. she Tas
not shut up.-Cinr Goati Enquirer.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
CHOLLYS PATENT MUD
GUARD.
A SAGE INDEED

A SAGE INDEED.
"A brute? A brute?' said the
CumminsvilIe sage. We'll, pref
~ good definition OF n brute is a
man who spends 40 cents for cigars
when his wife is just dying for a
$500 sealskin. ''-Cipcinnat Enquirer.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

KLONDIKE'S GAME.
What is the great gambling game
in Klondihe?'
Freeze out. imagine. "-Philadel-
pfia North American.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26

Goes without sfySnR the di~dsnt
lover --Boeton Transcript.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-09-26
GONE UP.

GONE UP.
''How's wheat?"
Gone up"
cad, My brokers went short on
thai How's the firm?"
Gone up."-Atianta Constitution.
The record-union., 1897-03-29

pension, By his departed master Grad
ually he grew to recognize the hopeless
ness of lis condition, and ceased even
to seek employment. He spent his days
sitting dejectedly on the accustomed
seat, growing thinner and more gaunt
as poverty set it's grip more firmly upon
him, grateful if now and again one Of
his friends on the bench would give
him fill of tobacco for his seldom-re-
plenished pipe.
At length he ceased to frequent the
links altogether For some days no
one seemed to notice his absence. Then
it was noticed that "SloW-back had
and we began to ask queS-
tions about him. His cronieS knew
nothing, only that he had not been
down to the links for day or two. We
inquired where he lodged. and with
some difficulty found the locality. 1t
was up steep stair in a little house
of a back street His landlady told US
that she feared he was not well. For
some days he had not left the house,
and had eaten nothing; and his stom-
ach refused food, and that he had no
appetite We asked her whether she
thought he lacked for money, but the
woman said no, basing her information
on the fact that he had kept his small
rent paid up.
When we went in it appeared at once
that he was very bad: he lay on the
bed terribly wasted, scarcely more than
the skeleton of a man. We asked
whether he had seen DOCTOR and be-
ing told no, sent off for one at once.
He seemed to recognize US, and a
strange smile of pleasure struggled
across his thin features. He even tried
to speak, but the only word we could
distinguish was his terrible ejaculation
of "Slow- back" though whether he
We're trying to speak of himself thus
by his familiar sobriquet, or whether
he deemed himself still carrying" for
his old master on~the links, we could
not tell. Then he relapsed into silence,
and seemed to sleep.
At length the doctor came. He took
but one glance at the poor figure on the
bed, passed his hand beneath the
clothes and laid it for moment over
the heart. Then he turned to us with
a grave face. 'SloWback" was dead
Cornhill Magazine.
The record-union., 1897-03-29
His "Little Felier."

Il happened to be down in my cellar
the other morning when the ashman
came around to collect the ashes,' said
a gentleman who resides in Second ave-
hue. L was operfing a barrel of great
red apples at the time, and when the
big, dust-covered and necessarily un-
tidy man came back with the empty
ash barrel l picked up an apple and
held it out toward him, saying as l did
so:
Won't you have an apple?'
"He took it eagerly, saying as he did
so:
Thank ye, sir; I've a little feller
at home who'll be tickled to death to
git it. / most always find something or
other in the ash barrels to carry home
to i'm at night, but it amt often 1 git
anything equal to this big apple. I tell
ye the little feller's eyes will shine
when he sees it.
Il don't know how many times that
day my thoughts were of that big,
rough handed fellow, with that apple
put away SO carefully in his pocket for
that little feller.'
when evening came thought of the
little feller' who was on the lookout
for the big, dust-covered father with
the calloused and soiled hands, but
with the true heart and the kindly
word that made him king in the eyes
of that little feller'
1T must have been a very poor and
humble home to which the man went
at the close of his weary day, but then
there was the little fellers' presence
to make beautiful even the bare walls
and floors and to bring the love light
to his fathers eyes and joy to his faith
er's heart.
These little fellers' glorify and
beautify many home IN which power
ty abides. But human affections can
sweetly and patiently endure toll and
rags and poverty when there is a lit
tie feller' to meet and greet the father
when the long day is done. Detroit
Free Press
The record-union., 1897-03-29
Extinct, But New to Science.

DR. Stirling of the Adelaide Museum
has lately brought to England the bones
of an extinct bird new to science which
has received the name of Genyornis. He
exhibited these very interesting speci
mems at the last meeting of the Zoolog
ical Society and made a few remarks
concerning the finding of them in Lake
Callanbolla, formerly known as Lake
Mulligan, in South Australia. He ex
planned that the lakes which one sees
so abundantly marked in the map are
nothing more or less than dry clay and
salt pans, evidently very uncomfortable
to camp near The bones of this ex-
tinct species are fol nd there in great
numbers, but OwinG to the action of
salt and water, which is found a very
little way below the surface, the re-
mains are very brittle and difficult to
deal with. The circumstance of so
many being found in this one lake bed is
probably due to the birds having been
driven there en- masse in time of great
drought in search of water, for on the
surface there could be traced the out
lines of skeletons lying as they died
probably begged, and too weak to strug-
gle further in search of water The
feature that strikes the ornithologist in
these bones is the shortness of the pha-
ianges, clearly showing that the sug-
gestion which has been made as to the
Genyornis being a marsh bird is unten-
able. for such heavy bird would have
needed very long toes TO tread on
marshy ground. In all probability the
public viii in a short time be enabled to
view some of these interesting finds in
our National Museum. The discovery
is by no means developed yet, and we
hope that DR.. Stirling and his confreres
viii soon give US some more interesting
details.-W Westminster Gazette
The record-union., 1897-03-29
A Chapter on Colds
SIMPLE PRECAUTIONS THAT May prevent
SERIOUS consequences.
The Danger Of NegleCting a Common COld.''
Serious and Often Fatal MaladieS may
Result from CareleSSneSS
From the Neacs, Hdrrisonburg, La.

cures effected by DR.. Williams Pink Pills,
and concluded to try them.
81 commenced using them, and before /
had taken half a box felt like new crea-
ture. My appetite was restored, my cough
grew less, and was able to sleep soundly at
night, which l had been unable to do for
months before.
After taking two boxes of the pills was
weighed again and to my astonishment my
weight was 1l3 pounds, a gain of 19 pounds.
Previous to taking the pills | had suffered
with cold hands and feet, but now have no
trouble whatever from that source.
81 can truly say / am now in better health
than have been for years. The effect of the
Pink Pills is wonderful, and | can recon-
mend them in all cases of debility and weak
ness.
Mrs. A. l.. STAFFORD"
DR.. Williams Pink Pills contain, in con-
densed form, all the elements necessary to give
new life and richness to the blood and restore
shattered nerves. They are az uriAiiing spe-
cifc for such diseases as locom0tor ataxia par
tial paralysis, st. Vitus' dance, sciatica, neu-
ralgia rheumatism, nervous headache, the
after effect of la grippe, p&lpitation of the
heart pale and sallow complexions all forms
of weakness either in male or female. Pink
Pills are sold by all dealers, or will be sent
post paid on receipt of price, so cents box,
or six boxes for $3.50 (they are never sold in
bulk or by the 1O0), by addressing DR.. vii.
liams' Medicine Company, Schenectady, n. 7.
The record-union., 1897-03-29
A Florida Snake Story.

1t was a Florida scene. The store and
Postoffice, built of upright boards of
fat pine, stood at the crossroads A
chorus of mosquitoes sang a little
hymn. Several of the countrymen were
waiting for the mail, not that they ex-
pected a letter, but still-they were
waiting for the mail. They were not
talking politics, nor We're they fighting
o'er the war. They We're just chewing,
whiting and telling stories. A nearby
bush of scrub oak rustled softly, and
looking hard into the bush one might
have seen a rattler-common enough
down there. The story tellers saw the
snake, but the only effect it had on
them was to suggest another story.
Colonel Lee Jackson Ashby Smith
crossed his bootlegs, spat at a taran-
tula in the sand, and said: well, gen.
tlemen." Then he proceeded with his
story. Out in the glades, four miles
west of Boca Ratone, in far down Dade
County, the Colonel said that he ran
against a seven-foot rattler, which he
esteemed SO beautiful that he took it
home to his wife and children. Il put
the creeter in a cage" said the Colonel
soon afterward l caught a rat in a
trap back of the barn. He was a very
gray rat, and seemed old-too old to
have been caught that way. / thought
he might make pretty good eating for
the snake, and | dumped him into the
rattler's cage. The rat covered in one
corned, and the snake coiled himself
like creased lightning. Raising his fiat
head above his coil he struck the old
gray rat. OF course the rat squealed
but he didn't leave his corner He eyed
the snake viciously. A second time the
snake coiled and struck and a second
time the rat squealed. The rat did not
seem much hurt, and the poison was
certainly slow in getting down to work.
The snake was mortified. He coiled
again. There was wrath and disap-
pointment in his eyes. He was about to
strike again. when that old gray rat
ran around the cage and leaped from
behind upon the back of the rattler.
He caught the serpent behind the head
and buried his teeth time and again in
the writing squirming snake A terri
BILE battle was being fought inside that
cage. The rat was gnawing through the
neck of the snake. The struggle sub
sided when the snake had been be-
headed. That was a game old rat. and
I've got him yet. He gets cheese three
times a day" Then the mail arrived.
Washington Star
The record-union., 1897-03-29

Are you subject to headaches? Yes.
doctor. About how often TO you have
these headaches? Twice month. doc
tor. Your headaches are always ac-
companled with nausea? Yes. doctor
You say you can always tell when
these headaches are coming on? Yes.
doctor. How long do they last? Five
or six hours. doctor.
Have you noticed after a hearty meal.
especially If the stomach is overloaded,
these headaches appear? Yes doctor.
Do YOU suffer from constipation? AL
ways, doctor.
Frequently from overlooking the
stomach you cause a sluggish condition
of the liver, or, as we doctors term il.
a torpid liver Madam. your headache
may be traced directly to the liver,
many people suffering as you do from a
liver headache. ] can give you relief
You must take your medicine regularly.
tt will be a mild liver stimulant and
will contain no mineral drugs. You
need vegeta bic. 1t Is necessary to reg
ulate the bowels. You can be perfectly
free from those headaches If you take
this prescription: