The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1897-06-19
A GLAD PROSpEOI.

= A GLAD PRospEor.
when Nations VIII wass We. 4.
GentlemAnly Way.
Derringer Dan laid down the publica-
ton which chance hail thrown in his
way, and gazed pensively afsr He was
30 oblivious to hts surrounding gs ], hat IN
invitation to refreshments passed Who'll
ly unnoticed. It was the resentment
occasioued by his seeming discourtesy
that brought him to earth again. His
apologies were profuse.
TT wouldn't OF occurred" he ex-
planned, "ef hadn't OF happened to git
literary. I've heard it said that literary
folks is always absent-minded, an sence
my brain drawed bead on that article
kin understand what makes 'em Co."
ut must have been a powerful fas-
cinatin' yarn" commented Piute Pete
"Twasu't no yarn uhatsoever." was
the .peply. TT WAS the truth"
what was it about?"
war"
1--WE got no use fur It." exclaimed
Three-Finger Sam. "Ofcourse. sTciety
hez got ter be protected. Gettin' the
dots on 4 man for horse stealin' an
hitchin' him to q tree SOS he won't wan
der around and do it no more is a justi-
fable proceedin. But war is prOmis-
c'ouA an brutal. Thfs thing O. biaAin'
away at somebody ye never was even in
terduced to is, to say the least OF 1t,
downright onsociable."
''The trouble is" said Derringer Dan,
"that us tellers was born too soon.
There amt any doubt that war, as prac-
ticed up to the present time, is mighty
low-down coyote game O. gettin' the
drop ON total stranger. But civiliza-
ton is advancin', an in the course o
time it'll be jes' as purity sport as faro
bank or draw poker. The scheme, as it
now stands, is to see which side kin do
the most KILN. AM as soon as one gen.
eral gifts convinced that the other feller
kin slay more people than he kin, COM
mon sense compeis him to lay down and
wait fur another DEAL"
That's one O. the most scholarly de-
ecriptions 1 ever heard" remarked
Broncho Bob, admiringly.
These here inventors has, accord
in to that article, set themselves to
work to improve the implements of bat
tie, % there won't be no chance OF
escape when they once git in motion an
TO limit to their capacity"
Seems to me that's goin' ter make
war wuas'n ever" observed Rattlesnakc
Pete. ~ -
%Ao~rb% l,f ho
ticle says as how it's goin' to result in
maxim war so deadly that nobody'H
have anything to do with it,
Its fairy story" said Piute Pete.
positively "It's easy enough to whit
tie few chips of a lead pencil an sit
down an fgger them thiaet out. BUT
I'll bet anythin' I've goe~thet there's
goin' to be misunderstanding S shefmseen
different branches of the human race
right along to the end o time"
mo one says, there won't 6e. But
they'll be settled in more gehtlemanly
way. AS fur ns kin make out, the
battle OF the future will be kerried on
in something likesthis fashion:, The
opposin' forces will hustle around an
pervide themselves weth all the de-
structive engines they kin lay hands
on" ....
won't there be no soldiers?"
Certain. Let's 'spose, fur instance.
thet the United States has a war weth
Spain. The two generals gits together,
an the United States general he puts y
certain number of n1eorinto the field.
Then the Spanish general he has a feL,
ler play a tune on the cQrnet an sashay
out to bring an equal number of men
into. the field, rcmarkn7, as is GUS
to1nary on such occasions: I call yer:
Or, if he hez thesgrit, he kin bring out
a still greater number of men, in which
event he will say: 4 zee We an raise
ye,' or words to that effeck. Finally It
comes to show-down.~an' the United
States general says: yhat ye gotr
The Spanish general, who, like a not.
las been blufin', looks worried, an
says: 4 amt got notSfin' but pair O.
16-inch guns, with cellulose armor on
the side I've got that beateasy' says
the United States general. I've got
three Hetchkiss guns an two torpedo
boats Then the Spanish general mere
ly says: That's good an turns over
ez much of his army as he happened to
risk ON the deal, an goes off to raise
another stake. OF course, it'll take some
time to regulate the exact value Of the
hands and readjust the rules SOS tn
make 'em fit the occasions as they come
up. But it's goin' to be a mighty fine
game. and only wisht i could sit into
t."-Washingbn Star.