Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-02-21

mas gone before you calm yourse,f down
ana then, boiling over with wrath Won
neap maledictions on your persecutors.
nou are 80 indisnant you don't know
~na' 10 90 at hrst Finally, to calm
sour nerves, you decide TO take your
S s VINO, waiiing, wallowing. stepping
stones across the way, and ten your
troubles TO sympathetic Mira. Rigtaw
You draw comparisons between your own
shllaren ana the hateful things that
nave Just visited you, and your hostess
Sviuihiy endorses your sentiments and
sum moro cordially wishes your offspring
IN the bottom OF the sea. And thus the
Werid goes round. There's such diff
a.isnce between other peoples children
and your own.
don't suppose there Is n vell-regu-
lsted, iaw-abidilg citizen I'm the whole
state who doesn't keep a pistol in his
mousse \ man, no matter how peaceable
ne may be, wouldn't consider himself a
man at all II he didn't have pistol, and
ms wife, on. She other hand, wouldn't
consider herself woman, at all IL she
oiant make row about It. Ask the
owner or tie weapon why he Keeps II
ana he viii answer evaslvely-wil intl-
mate that there's no telling when a burg
lar may drop In and require firearms
IL generally tucked out OF sight In re-
mote corner-usually under lock and
Key, the aforesaid burglar on the oc-
easloh or his visitation must necessa-
Tlly assist IN the search for the weapon
to make IL available We have all I'M
dergone those horrible nocturnal expo
riences brought about by the family cat
When she upsets a cup in the kitchen
ana makes Us think that thieves are
around. duty and a desire 10 maintain
our masculine supremacy forces us to
arise I'm the night, and with our pistol
In hand, proceed TO the scene OF the ina
gined burglary. Somehow we find COM
fort when we know that the whole fam
lily, night-gowned like ghosts are be-
hind US. As we head the procession
down stairs we are haunted by two hor-
rible fears-one that We may actually
see the burglar. and the other that the
eXigencies of the case may require us
10 shoot the pistol. We don't know
which We dread the most. We recall the
fact that the weapon hasn't been ex-
ploded for twenty years. and we likewise
remember that a good pious, self-re-
specting burglar isn't at all likely 10
sit still and hold his hands while we are
banging loose at him. When the family
cat finally shows herself we realize how
AibAA We 1--WE lllt alllHilis oNSihtg w
viii tell oun wife that we knew all along
It was the cat, and that we consider her
anxiety and fear as very ridiculous.
Maybe we resolve to buy another pistol
nice nickel-plated, hair-trigger bull
dog" which is so dangerous that we dare
not load it ourselves. We get some intre-
pid friend 20 charge It with powder and
ball. and then proudly, we bear 1t home
When the women folks" shrek from
terror at the very sight Of it we cannot
help plying their cowardice, but all the
same we handle the weapon most ginger
ly ourselves. A few months afterwards
we roar with Indignation when our wife
placidly informs us that she has given
the revolver away: that she saw the "old
thing lying around" and not supposing
Il of any value, gave it TO the colored
man who put down the carpets.
THE IDLE REPORTER.