davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Write for the 244 PACE ILLUSTRATED
CATAl OCUe lsent free) Of the
Losresf PyicSf Horse in America for fine
JEWELRY, WATCHES. SlLVERWARES.
Also for IS cents they will send you
SOLID SILVER Ladies' HAT PIN.
of beautiful design. il the money is sent
with the request for Catalogue.
MERMOO s JACCARD JEWElRY CO..
Broadway, Coz. Locust. ST. LOUIS. MO-
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Now is good time to to supervise
the service of the bull. Midsummer
and dog days are good time for the
COW to be dry and preparing to calvs
again, and a most Improbable time te
milk and handle it.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Clean blood means clean skin. No
beauty withoutit. Cascarets, Candy Cathar-
tic cleans your blood and keeps it clean, BY
stirring up the lazy liver and driving all I'M
purities from the body. Begin to-day to
and that sickly bilious complexion by taking
Cascarets.-beauty for ten cents. All drug
eists, satisfaction guaranteed, 1Oc, 25c, Soc.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Needed Washing.

Lady Ito house girD-You' should
take lesson from the COOK. You
are slOvenly, whereas she washes her
face three or four times a day. House
Girl--NO wonder. The fellow who
comes here to court her is a chimney.
sweep -Waverley Magazine.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Settled.

Elbow are you, old man? Haven't
seen you in an age. How is your
brother James? Settled down
tinally?" eyes We buried Jamei
q year agO.-Truth.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Exchange.

Flohr Walker - Where is Miss
Prettymiss this morning?
Miss ValencineS-Oh she hasn't
got down yet. Perhaps there has
been another delay to the subur--
FlOhr Walker-Ah, here she comes.
Miss Prettymiss, if this hardness
on your part continues, l shall be
compelled to place you at the rem
nant counter.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

When you see a man and his wife on
the streets together on week day,
they are either going to attend the
funeral of a relative, or are on their
way to have their pictures taken.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

There are a whole lot of fellows in
Klondike who would like to have some
one help them let go. Some of them
owned good farms, but were not get
ting rich fast enough.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Considering how many girls can play
. little, dance little and sing q little,
it is god-send that women are never
called "professOr"
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Too Sudden.

Dicky-What makes YOU looK 50
sad. Jacky? Did she refuse to name
the day? Jacky-That's just the
trouble She named next Thursday.
Exchange.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Vice either hides or draws it's sword
rs soon as virtue shows her face.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Ha rdships are heavy enough to beal
without anticipating them and talking
about them. Be ready, however, to
meet them when they do come.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Star Tobacco is the leading brand Of
the world, because it is the best.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

When farmer wants to see things
blacker than they really are, he says
hog cholera is worse than it is
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

When . man makes fool of himself
he generally does the job we'll.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

You will find that the guilty ones
are the last II forgive sinner.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

The Earl of Chatham. who bore no
good will to certain physician. was
rallying him one day about tho value
OF his prescriptions. To this chatting
the doc,oy replied that he defied any
of his patients to End fault with him.
Il believe you" replied the Earl, ''foR
they are all dead"
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Extra flesh seems to 60 further with
Q woman than with a man.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Saint Andrew did not wait to be or
deiced before he brought his brother
TO Christ.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

It ~ . good rule 10 remember In
business that the man who takes up
10 more of your time than is absolute
" necessary, is better pay than the
nan not so brief
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

To profess Christ is = challenge Z,
the world. not a defense.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
In the ParlOr Car.

f.e QrOm Boston; very musicaH-
Wagner's works are simply grand,
She (from Chicago)-Oh, you ought
to see Pullmin's-
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

A diamond always looks larger to
its owner than to any one else.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Every town in the world is looking
fsr a man to start a really good news
paper.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

No sacrifice is bitter when sweetened
by love.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Your ideal may easily become your
idol, unless your ideal is Christ.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Aunt 'MaEdy-SO the Mary Ann
made sixteen knots an huur, did she?
Wa-al, eff couldn' tie knots faster n
that Id stop knIttin', thct's certain
Judge.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Beauty In Blood Deep.

When a man begins to move others
he is generally called a ''crank.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Some men never inspire love in wo-
men; they simply aggravate them.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

As soon as Christ is ours. we cease to
be our own.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Mrs. witherup's Wish.

"What do you think Of this portrait
of me, my dear9" asked Witherup
ut is very smiling and pleasant, +"
said Mrs. Witherup. Then she added.
wistfully: II wish you'd look like it
once in 4 while, John. Judge.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
People dearly love procrastination.

How everybody does admire boy
who likes to work!
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

When a man is in love is the best
time to get him to join church.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

SnodRrass-rd like to paw that
bill. but l can't lust now. You
must give me time. Creditor II
don't mind giving tine. but you
seem to want eternity.-Texas Sift-
ingS
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Educate Your Bowels With Csscarses.
Candy Cathartic cure constipation forever.
lOc Sc nc c. c. fail druggists refund money.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

A man marries for love; woman
marries as an Investment.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Chappv-Yaas my ancestors we're
Ill intellectual and - Miss Maud
earnestly TOO bud you were NOS
one of them.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
As Advertised.

McFadden-Faith, and why do ye1
change me % cents fer a hair cut
when your sign SEE: '.First-class
haircut for Is cents?' French Bar
ber-Ah. but monsieur. your hair
eez not flrst-clasS
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

Smoke sledge Cigarettes, 20 for cts.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Tho Government viii Bid.
Civil Service-Econon,y.

The important branch of our government
known as the civil service, the practical i'm
prOvemcnt of which has long been a sub.
ject of earnest discussion h is of late wears
received increased legislative and executive
approval Much. of course. still remains to
be accomplished before this system can be
made reasonably perfect for our needs,
There are places now in the classified service
which ought to be exempted and others not
classified may properly be included shall
not hesitate to exempt cases which 1 think
have been improperly included in the class
flied service. or include those which, in NV
judgment, will best promote the public SER
vice. The system has the approval of the
people, and 1t will be my endeavor to up.
hold and extend it
Strict Economy Called For
am forced by the length of this message
to omi. many important references to af-
fairs of the government with which Con.
gress will have to deal at the present ses.
sion. They are fully discussed in the
departmental reports, to all of which in
vite your earnest attention.
The estimates of the expenses of the gov.
eminent by the several departments will
am sure. have your careful scrutiny While
the Congress may not ind 1t an easy task
to reduce the expenses of the govern.
ment il should not encourage their in.
crease. These expenses will In my judR-
ment admit of decrease In many branches
of the government without injury to the
public service. II Il eomDAnding duty to
keep the appropriations within the receipts
Of the government, and thus avoid deficit
WILLIAM MCKINLEY
Executive Mansion. December 6. 1897.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

The liar who tells how long his stoye
will keep fire is in the saddle now.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09
Beat Tobacco Spit and Smoke Your liz 4,

II you mast tell your troubles, tell
them to a reporter.
The Globe-republican., 1897-12-09

It 10 . good rule 10 remember IN
business that the man who takes up
10 more of your time than is absolute
" necessary, is better pay than the
nan not so brief.
When we die, we will give thanks
with our last breath that embroidered
doylies and silver spoons don't have to
be borrowed for such social function
10 funeral
It is a great pity that all the young
people can't get hold of the diaries
written by their parents in youth. in
order to keep them properly humble,
and in check.
A diamond always looks larger to
its owner than to any one else.
AS soon as Christ is ours. we cease to
be our own.
We wish to call especial attention to
the advertisement in this issue of the
National Correspondence Institute OF
V0ouluK VOu. Ne ~. uSS AuoeASutsOA -
thoroughly reliable and we cheerfully
recommend them to our readers. A
college education at home shows won
derful advance in educational matterA
When q man makes fool of himself
he generally does the job we'll.
Vice either hides or draws its sword
as soon as virtue shows her face.
People dearly love procrastination.
How every body does admire boy
who likes to work!
Extra flesh seems to 60 further with
. woman than with a man.
Every town in the world is looking
fSr man to start a really good news
paper.
When q farmer wants to see things
blacker than they really are, he says
hog cholera is worse than it is
Considering how many girls can play
little, dance little and sing little,
it is god-send that women are never
called professor.
"When buy a pair of pantaloons,
they are always too long. Isend them
back to the tailor, and when they are
returned, they are always too short"
Drake Watson.
A real thoroughbred woman is one
who wears silk petticoat that was
made of new silk. If the average
woman owns a silk petticoat, it was
made Of an old silk dress.
When you see man and his wife on
the streets together on a week day,
they are either going to attend the
funeral of a relative, or are on their
way to have their pictures taken.
Ha rdships are heavy enough to beal
without anticipating them and talking
about them. Be ready, however. to
meet them when they do come.
Cleaning the wheat and feeding the
screenings to the poultry beats selling
the wheat for less than it is worth and
paying the freight on that which will
injnre its grade.
There are a whole lot of fellows in
Klondike who would like to have some
one help them let go. Some of them
owned good farms, but were not get
ting rich fast enough
Now is a good time to to supervise
the service of the bull. Midsummer
and dog days are a good time for the
COW to be dry and preparing to calvs
again, and a most Improbable time te
milk and handle it.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
knfie's Butterflies.

When Kate saw Ben's rare collection
of insects she wanted to have some OF
her own, says an exchange.
There's lots Of butterflies in our
garden" she said. Great yellow ones,
with spotted wings; go~lden-brown
ones, with golden stripes; and pretty
white ones, which shine like silver"
The next day Katie q into MAN.
mas room, her little fingers tightly
closed Over the brown head of a splen-
did specimen. Her blue eyes were full
OF horror.
"Oh-h-h, l can never do it, mamma.
I never can. See it squirm and kick.
It don't want to die, dear little thing.
God gave it its life, same's he's gave
me mine. l don't want any frame of
insects-neverr.' she cried, sobbing in
her mothers arms. That was the first
and last butterfly that our Katie
caught, and she thinks that only cruel
folks can kill them.
What do you think about it?
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
Invented by a Famous Clown.

Joseph Grimaldi vas the inventor Of
the present clowns dress. Before Joey's
time, the clown-in costume, but in
nothing else-was a sort of English
Pierrot, an impossible combination, and
a necessary failure.
joey seems to have recognized the
fact that English low humor was I'M
suited to a Frenchman's dress. He
broke up, therefore, the blank white of
Pierrot's dress with the variegated
spots, stars and patches to which we
are o accustomed. But Grimaldi
was a man of inventive resource-to
some extent a genius. Nearly all the
so-called comic business is of his in
vention.
The Harlequin-probably without
knowing it-continued to dress himself
a la Vatican until the year 1 of the
present century, when James Byrne in
troduced a change. In the pantomime
of Harlequin Amulet, or The Magic
of Mona" produced at Drury Lane, he
appeared in Harlequin, in a tightly
fitting white silk habit, into which the
well-known colored silk patches were
woven, the whole being p~rofusely COW
cred with spangles, and presenting an
unusually sparkling appearance. This
is the costume worn by all the Harle-
quins of the present day.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
The Old Oaken Bucket.

A dear little girl, named Elsie, was
quite a singer, and very fond of an old
song, familiar to most children, called
The Old Oaken Bucket" Elsie was
taking lessons in drawing, which in
terested her very much. She drew pic
lures in all her spare time, and often
teased mamma with the question:
What shall l draw next, mammal"
Mamma always suggested COWS, or
bears, or steam-engines, or trees, &C
cording to the first idea which came
into her head. One day, in answer to
Elsie's usual question, mamma replied:
Draw the old oaken bucket Elsie.
You are very fond of singing The Old
Oaken Bucket Sit down and make a
picture of it."
This was new. Elsie, with a deep
satisfied breath, sat down and staid
quiet about five minutes. At the end
of that time she brought mamma this
picture.
What upon earth does this mean"
asked mamma. 1T looks like a con-
undrum, Elsie; or like the sun, moon,
and stars"
Elsie looked at her design with great
pride, and a little Impotence at mann
mas o~btuseness.
Why, don't you see, mammal" she
cried. THE first one is the old oaken
bucket and the next n is the IRON
bound bucket and the next is the
m~oss-covered bucket that hangs in the
weIlr"
Then mamma laughed hard, leaning
back in her chair, while she held EIsie's
sketch at arm's-length to see it better,
as artists always look at pictures.
And what are all those little spots
for, Elsie?"
"Why-those, mammal said Elsie.
Those are the spots that my infancy
znew""
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
The End of the Chesapeake

1870
An English j%ournel contains the fol-
lowing item, for the truth of which We
cannot, of course. vouch; but 1t Is
interesting if true: 1t is not by any
mean widely known, says the journal,
that the Chesapeake, famous for her
historic encounter with the British
ship Shannon in 1913, is in existence
to-day, but is used in the somewhat
~inglorious capacity of a flourmill. and
is making money for a hearty Hamp-
shire miller in the little parish of Wick
ham. After her capture by Sir Philip
B. V. Broke. she was taken TO England
in 1914, and in 1920 her timbers were
sold to Mr.. John Prior, miller of Wick
ham, Hants. Mr.. Prior pulled down his
own mill at Wickham, and erected a
which he found admirably adapted for
the purpose. The deck beams were
thirty-two feet long, and served, with
out alteration, for joists. Many OF these
timbers yet zeal the marks of the
Shannon's grape-shot, and in some
places the shot are still to be seen
deeply embedded in the pitch pine
The metamorphosis of a man-of-war
into a peaceful life-sustaining -four
mill is, perhaps, as near an approach TO
the prophecy that spears and swords
shall be beaten into ploughs and prun-
ing-hooks as the conditions of modern
civilization will allow.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
4 Bad Place to Be Born In. ,

There are a great many advantages
in being born an American citizen.
One can hope to become president of
The United States and various other
nigh and mighty things; but, after all,
he greatest privilege is in being born
among people who are free from fool
Ssh superstitions. Suppose you had
been born on the Congo river, for in
stance. How would you like that when
7ou consider some of their beliefs? 1t
S told by persons supposed to be we'll
informed that the people inhabiting
he district round the Congo river
hare with the Ashantees, of whom we
ave recently heard such a lot, the be-
ief that if their high priest, the Chi
ONE. were to die a natural death the
Whole world would follow suit at once,
nd would dissolve into air, for It Is.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
A Perfect Identification.

Signor Arditi, the w~ell-known mu-
steal conductor, has recently published
his memoirs in London. Among the
many anecdotes he tells is the fol-
lowing adventure he had with a bank
cashier. He was in an American city
and wished to have a check cashed,
but as the cashier did not know SignOr
Arditi, he told him he must get him
self identified before he could receive
any money.
But l do not know any n here"
protested the musical conductor.
Il am very sorry" said the cashier.
Signor Arditi thought for a few
moments, and presently said:
Did you ever attend the opera,
young man."
Frequently" said the cashier. Il
am very fond of music"
Then you nus know me-" contin-
ued Signor Arditi; and taking off his
hat he turned his back upon the cash
Ter, and beat time vigorously to an
imaginary orchestra.
"Oh, yes" exclaimed the cashier at
once. Il know the back of your head
well. You are Signor Arditi." And
he handed out the money to the mu-
sician without further ceremony.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
Humility.

I believe the first test of a truly great
man is his humility. l do not mean by
humility" doubt of his own power, or
hesitation in speaking his own opin-
ions. but a right understanding of the
relations between what he can do and
say and the rest of the worlds doings
and sayings. All great men not only
know their own business, but usually
know that they know il, and are not
only right in their main opinions, but
usually know that they are, only they
do not think much of themselves on
that account. They do not expect their
fellow men to fall down and worship
them; they have a curious under-sense
of powerlessness, feeling that greatness
is not in them. but through them. They
do their work, feeling that they can
not well help doing it.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
Bittincer to Leave the Herald.

ST. JOSEPH, Mo-, Jan. 1.-The con-
test between Major John L. Bittinger,
editor of the st. Joseph Herald, and
Congressman George c Crowther, who
was defeated for reelection, to control
the Republican patronage of the
Fourth district has brought out the
statement from stockholders Of the
Herald that Major Bittinger will retire
in a few days. 1t has been settled,
according to the statements made by
the Republicans here. that Major Bit
finger is to be given q federal appoint
ment by President Mckinley.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
WeyIer Is Forced to Fortify.

CINCINNATI Ohio Jan. IA special
from Key West, Fla, says: Reports
from Artemisa are that Weyler has
found it necessary to intrench some of
his advanced positions and to build
one or two block houses to keep the
command of the military road from
Artemisa to San Christobal. The in
surgents have driven back two of his
Getachments from the foothills. Wey-
Ter is unable to secure tidings of the
movements of General Rivera, and it
is reported that he is somewhat wor-
ried over the situa ton.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
the oridal Suite of Nicholas II.

VANITY Fair" gives a description
of the apartments in the Winter pal
ace that are occupied by Nicho-
las II and his bride. The bridal suite
was once occupied by Alexandria
Feodorovna, consort of Nicholas /. It
opens out of the Pompeiian chambers
and includes the famous reception
room, which is lined with m~alachite
and lighted with candelabra of lapis-
lazuli. Almost all of the furniture is
richly gilt, and the chief decorations
are copies of Raphael's paintings. The
bedroom is chiefly remarkable for 4
magnificent frieze, and out of the ad-
joining dressing-room a heavily cur
tanned door leads to the Romano
M%oresque bath, which is one of the
most noteworthy features of the
whole palace. In a little room hard
by the imperial family used in former
years to pass their evenings together.
A private marble staircase gives &C
cess to a sort Of grotto and sci
tory that are filed with luxuriant
tropical vegetation.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
1 Mysterious Light.

A strange light has been annoying
residents between Melrose and Ash
bourne, Pa. for two weeks past. The
light, as described by persons who
AVER having seen ana pursued it, has
the appearance of a powerful fame.
1t apparently rises from q quarry,
any time between 9 p. N. and 3 a. N.
After developing until it is large
enough to travel alone the ignis fat
uuS moves of.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08

according TO them. only held together
by his personal Will.
Accordingly, when the pontin falls
Ill. and the Illness is serious enough to
make a fatal termination probable. a
successor is nominated, and he. 80
soon as he is ~consecrated, enters the
high priests hut and clubs him or
strangles him to death. A somewhat
similar custom obtains in Unyore when
the king falls seriously i'll. and seems
likely 10 die, for his wives to Kill him.
The same rule is followed if he gets
beyond a certain age, for an old I'm
yore prophecy states that the throne
will pass away from the family in the
event Of the king dying a natural
death.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
Dingley Averse TO a s~ecretaryship.

WASHINGTON, Jan. 1t is said that
when Mr.. Dingley visited Canton just
before Congress convened MI. McKin-
ley talked freely to him about the sec
r~etaryship of the treasury, but moth
ing was definitely determined. Since
the campaign MIR. Dingley has suffered
SO severely from stomach troubles as
to be able to attend to his duties only
with great difficulty, and the special
lists who are treating him have given
him such advice that it is 10Y reported
that he will not accept a cabinet port
folio under any consideration.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-08
ICE-PRESIDENTS
A Pickpocket Who Was Foolish Enough
to Steal a Lady's Pocketbook.

A Pickpocket VI h Was Foolish Enough
to steal a Lady's Pocketbook.
81 just swiped a leather, jim" said
q pickpocket to another Of his pro-
fession.
Was it one O. them purity ones
what the women carries round de
streets in der hands?:"
Yes, 1 swiped it when she wus
lookin' inter er windy"
If yer'd been in der bizniz as long
as l hev yer wouldn't err took it."
''Why?"
"Tain't with it."
"a teller might strike q big haul
tho that way some time"
Not on your life, he wouldn't. I've
swiped a load on 'em an I never got
one yit that l could git a beer out on.
Dey don't carry money in dem leath-
ers. Dey's only err bluff. Try dat one
yer've got and see if it's emmy good"
CHANGING about warily to make
sure that no n was watching him, the
pickpocket opened the purse. He
found three samples of silkoline, a
pdUcuU SlONc UuGJOHGr, 81 Cdru duFcT-
Using a lotion for removing black
heads from the face, a sheet of flesh
colored court plaster, some samples
of scrim and Madras. a list of prices
of carpets, a circular showing an Illus
tration of a patent hose supporter. a
card of small safety pins, two slabs
of chewing gum warranted TO cure
dyspepsia, and a card bearing her adj
dress and instructions to take her
there if she met with an accident.
That's all dere is in it, said the
man who had "swiped' the pocket
book, as he turned it upside down
and shook it, with a look of disgust
on his face.
Didn't 1 tell yer?' remarked the
other. I've 'swiped' dem tings till
I'm tired. Dey're all de same, De
women don't carry nothin' but trash
in 'em. De money ant dere, never"