davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
HEARD In WASHINGTON.
Stories That Are Good Enough to
Bear Repetition.
How Senator woicott Surprised a Lady
Correspondent-AD Dude NictimIzed
b. Ills Taiior-A Geography
Lesson I'm Indiana.
fsnacial washInpton I.e,ter !

Senator Woleott, of Colorado, does
not deny the story, and it is probably a
true one. When he was young man he
was. as now, attorney for several large
railway corporations. He Mas regarded
by the gentler sex as confirmed bach
elor, proof against all the advances and
charms of matrimony. A lady in the
southern part of the state desired a
pass TO Denver. She wrote friend,
who was well acquainted with Mr.. VOL
colt, asking her 10 request pass from
him, and like all women. she wrote q
postscript, which in this instance was as
follows:
Up. 81 wish you would also send me
one of those Il. d. corsets; the kind you
wore when l was last in Denver. | think
they are just too lovely for anything"
Her friend being in very much of a
hurry. and momentarily forgetting all
about the postscript, Endorsed a request
on the bacl. and forwarded the letter to
MIR. Wolcott. a reply came promptly
as follows:
Dear Madam--I inclose a pass, as re-
Quested. for your friend Miss -. / would
send her the Z. ID. corset but have for
gotten her number. Very respectfully,
"E. o. WOLCOTT."
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
GOOD PROPOSITION.
Why Cows Should BE Fought and sold by
the Milk Test.

The value of COW depends so wholly
on the amount and quality of the milk
she gives that the proposition coming
from the North Carolina experiment
station. namely, TO sell or buy cows by
the milk test, seems rather natural and
good sense. The plan is based on the
yield of their milk, together with the
quality of the same as determined by
tests of the milk. The rule is to pay for
the COW at the rate of SIP a gallon Of
milk given day that is rich enough
to show three and one-half per cent. OF
fat. To this price add or subtract one
dollar for every one-fourth of one per
cent. o. fat which is above or below the
three and one-half per ceut. BY this
rule COW is bought entirely on her
merits. 1t is believed to be a conserva-
tive plan. and one which, if adopted tor
one upon a similar plan), will certainly
raise the standard of cows and increase
their milk and butter productions; for
if they cannot be sold easily for milk
cows, they viii soon be turned over TO
the butcher, and a better animal be
kept or a willing purchaser be found
The result cannot fail TO be beneficial to
all parties."-T. Greiner, in Farm and
Firesidc.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
GEORGE WASHINGTON.
A Noble Example, Which should lie Co
stantiN Held LIP Before Young and Old

A Noble Example. which should BE Con-
stantIy Held II Before Young and Old.
In thinking of Washington and the
celebration Of his birthday, we woc-
Gered how many Of our boys and girls
how maLy of cur young men and wom-
Tn, indeed how many of our older men
and women appreciate the greatness
Of our first president, or value as they
should his nobility of character.
We are forced to believe that we do not
celebrate his birthday with half the en-
thusiasm we ought to manifesr, that we
do not talk os him to our children as
much rs we should: that We do not see
To it that they know his life well; that
We do not often dis uss his leading
characteristics which to-day arc those
which win the highest success, and
elicit the trucst admiration.
Suppose for moment there wa come
great crisis in our country, and that we
we're involved in war, and that among
US there was young man AZ years old,
who, by his wisdom, his large influence,
his moral greatness, his bravery and
his "transceudent dignity of charac-
ter" should. by the general consent of
the leaders of the nation, be selected rs
the ore above all others to receive the
appointment Ct general-in-chief of our
armies. and after the war, be elected
president of the republic. How fire.
,;uently would his name be spoken IN
our homes, how every incident in his
public career would be noticed, and
everything connected with his history
and his home life be eagerly discussed.
What young man is there among us.
who. although he might be able to lead
an army. or might be possessed of the
precociOus wisdom of an Alexander
Hamilton. or might have the moral
greatness of Washington, would com
lime all the virtues and the noble char
acteristics which he whom we celebrate
to-day possessed in such marked de-
gree?
When we ask ourselves these ques-
lions. and then direct our thoughts to
the young met we know personally, or
20 those who represent tn country in ITS
senate chambers. we confess il would be
a difficult matter. if indeed it would be
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
The Victim of His Tailor.

There is young bank clerk here who
always dresses up to the prevalent style
lie sent his trousers to the tailor to be
creased, and they were returned to him
in the evening. After dinner he re.
solved to visit one of his fair adorables,
and he donned that pair of trousers.
When on the street he noticed to his
horror that his usually careful tailor
had creased but one leg, and the other
was limp and lifeless.
To make the matter worse small boy
called the attention of the whole street
to the discrepancy by shouting:
Hey, Butch! Git onto de dude with
the joblot legs."
lie had not time to go back, and sc
he tried to appear obivious. lie thought
the girl would be polite enough not tc
say anything, but he was sure that she
would notice il. When he arrived he
did all he could to hide his lower ex-
tremities, but her little sister made .
stage whisper to the hostess and said
what funny legs! They amt mates
are theyY
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

cit looks" he added. In disgust.
LAS IL this show was stranded.
I didn't think we'd have to walk
In water when we'd landed.
My foot's stuck fast, / hate TO Kick.
But when l 'scaped the flood
I owned the EARTH my way looked clear
But now it's thick as mud
"And though j Noah naught to get
Inside out of the rain,
I'D rather have plain water than
This mud and watery plain.
Oil do not drown this mortal clay
In mud, dear Lord, and be
| So gracious as to grant our prayer,
We want good roads, said he.
That architect of arks is dust,
In Heaven he's long abided,
But many a road remains the same
AS when the food subsidized.
Joe Lincoln, in Good Roads
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

possible, to fad a young man to whom
with perfect confidence the people OF
al sections would turn, as the people of
al sections did turn to Washington, as
d leader.
Was it not remarkable that when
there was a company of older Ineu of
acknowledged ability in the convention
which met in Philadelphia in May. 1881,
10 frame constitution for the United
States, that Washington. the young
general, should be unanimously elected
president of TIE United States? His
torians state. la referring to Washing
tons influence, that tine constitution
was far from being warmly or general
y welcomed, and il is doubtful whether
II would have been ratified but for the
popularity of Washington. who was in
stinetively marked out by public ex-
pcctation as tie first president
The age in which Washington lived
was not yet engrossed in business ana
pleasure. People had time to ponder
en- what is profound and lofty. for the
age was more contemplative and more
impressible b. grand sentiments
Washington has been called the Ulys-
ses of the ws.r, brave in battle. wise IN
council. His TRANSFER. dent dignity was
perhaps one of his most striking eharac-
teTistics. There are some men whose
Tcere presence inspires the greatest re
spect and reverence. People turn
around on the street to look nj them as
they pass with reveTential regard. wi,h
a feeling plainly discernible on their
eountenances that hey estimate such
men as living far above the great ma
lOrity who Thong our thoroue hfares
When such men rise to address assem-
blies. people listen with interest to
every word which falls from their lips.
Some such men we have known. but the
number OF them is not large.
As we recall the characteristics Of
Washington. his nobility. his single
miudedness. his pure patriotism. his
moral greatness and the stranscendenl
dignity of his character" how ought
We 10 celebrate his memory and hold
/ him up as an example to our children
Great pains are taken abroad. not
only 10 ineulcate love OF country. bat
also love Of ones country's heroes and
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Millions nov plant Salzer's seeds.
but millions more should; hence offer:
pkg. Bismarck Cucumbers. ..15c
pkg. Round Globe Beet. ....lo loo
pkg. Earliest Carrot ............1Oc
pkg. Kaiser Wilhelm Lettuce. 49,. I5c
pkg. Earliest Melon. ....1O Toe
pkg. Giant Yellow Onion. ...15c
1 pkg. 14-Day RadiSh. Toe
5pkgs. Brilliant Flower Seeds. ......15c
Now all of above 10 packages, in
Guiding our mammoth plant and seed
catalogue. are mailed you free upon
receipt of about IA cents postage.
25 pkgs. Earliest Vegetable Seed. $500
81 Brilliant blooming Plants. 49,. .s1.O0
John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse,
Wis. Xxi
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Halls Family Pills are the lest.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Is severely taxed by dyspepsia. "But good
digestion win wait on appetite, and health OF
both" when Hostetter's Stomach Bitters j.
resorted to by the victim of Indigestion
Heartburn, fiatulence, biliOusness will CEASE
toTmenting the gastric region and liver il this
genial family corrective meets with the fan
trial that sterling remedy deserves. Use II
regularly, not spasmodically-no and then
1t conquers malarial, kidney, nervous and
rheumatic ailments.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
AIsefnI Publication.

The Atlas of the Northwest, containing
large maps of Minnesota. the Dakotas, Mon
tana, Northern Idaho and British Columbia,
Washington and Oregon, with pOstoffices
aud every important geographical feature.
II also contains a map of the United States
and one of the world on Mercator's projec
ton, which shows the relative position OF
all countries. The pages are 81 by - inches
IN size. Valuable and descriptive statistical
information is also given. The ordinary e
tail price for each map is - cents, but com
bined in this publication, the whole number
will be sent for p cents in stamps by +. T.
Whitney, G. P. & 7. A, Great Northern
Railway, st. Paul, MINI.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Full of wrath the commission mer-
chant wrote to the country dealer in the
following sarcastic style:
''Dear Sir-The last consignment of
butter you sent me was good and
strong, but the axle grease maker
sold it to complained that Il WIS little
too fresh. If you have about so or IS
pounds of butter strong enough to walk
you may ship it to me at once"
And the country dealer sent him an
old goat.-Chicago Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

great men. Are we not somewhat lack
ing in that respect? Every Englishman
is familiar with God save the Queen"
Let every American know and sing his
national airs. stimulate in himself and
others his love of country, praise the
heroes Of the past, emulate their pure
patriotism. glory ia the stars and
stripes. anu love and revere the immor-
tai name of Washington! = Chicago
Standard
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

in a cable car bride and groom got
aboard at Seventh street crossing.
When the conductor came around for
the fares the young man fumbled in his
vest pocket and then brought 500
bill, which he reached out to the con-
ductor with two fingers.
"Nothin' smaller?" queried the
official, who had caught the distant
rattle of silver in the young mans
pocket.
THE only change I've got" returned
the youth haughtily.
Cant take it, them" said the con-
ductor, reaching for the bell rope.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
IL Pleases Him .

I'm mighty glad them tight sleeves
for women is coming back" said Mike
the Grab.
whats ii to vou?" asked his friend
"Bloke kin now see what sort o arm
woman's got. ] remember tryin' 10
swipe young woman's dough-a little,
weak-lookin' thing in the face-aa' she
poked me so hard dat wasn't able 10 be
out fer six months" = indianapolis
Journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

The astonished youth looked fright.
ened.
Whats the matter?' he exclaimed,
as be thought of the rain and mud out
side.
"Counterfeit-that's ALL" calmly re.
turned the conductor. Sorry you
amt got the change"
The bell rope was pulled and the
youth got off with his girl. He had the
change, but he was afraid TO confess to
a lie before the carful of passengers.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

The late Bill Nye was fond of telling
this story of his small daughter: At the
dinner table one day there was party
of guests, for whom Mr.. Nye was doing
his best in the way of entertainment.
a lady turncd TO the little girl. Your
father is very funny man." said she.
"Yes.' responded the child, when we
have conpany."-N. Y. World.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
Ma.hington.. nIrthdar.

Thrilling bugle. fnrobbing drum-beat. BAN
ners wavirg in the air.
Pomp and pageant and rejoicing. JOY OF
people everywhere.
In the waning OF the winter. lift of chorus.
fash of wing.
And the keeping OF birthday. in the FORE
cast Of The spring.
All our hearts new knit together as the
carnons thunders pour
Jubiiant salutings over river. fortress. hill.
ars shore.
While our thought goes back to kindle az
the cradle where there lies
lust a simple newborn baby. dear In
mothers loving eyes.
-Harper's Bazaar.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
srArE or onIo, CIrr OF ToLEpo, ! :.

Frank j. Cheney makes oath that he is the
senior partner of the firm OF f. J. Cheney
& c., doing business in the city Of Toledo.
County and State aforesaid, I'D that said
firm viii pay the sum Of One Hundred Dol
lars Tor each and every case of eatarrh that
cannot be cured by the use of Halls Cat rrh
Cure. FRANK j. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed IN my
presence, this 9th day OF December, A. ID.
1856. A w. GLEASON,
fSeall Notary Public
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally and
acts directly on the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system. Send for testimonials,
free. +. j. CHENEY & co. Toledo, o.
Sold by druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the hest.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

The man who niilks Is cows with
machine at one time has been heard
from. Most people would be glad to ses
machine that would milk one COW a,
one time. Milking machines have beet
barren deality."-Western Pillow.
man.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
PROTECTED PLATFORM.

sides, coming close down to tbs
ground, and a dead-air space is thu.
formed above, and on all sides OF the
old curbing. This extra boarding car
all be removed in few moments time
when the cold weather is past. 1t is {
Useful, efficient and cheap idea.-0rangC
Judd Farmer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
UNPROTECTED PLATFORM.

companying illustration can be used to
advantage. The usual platform, Fig.
1, has piece of three by four inch joist
laid upon either side and upon this is
laid another platform, extending out
on all four sides some six inches be-
yond the original, as shown in Fig. 2.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
IN EXCELLENT IDEA.

How to Keep the Well from Freezing in
tn. Coolest Weather.
Many wells give much trouble in the
winter by freezing, owing in part at
least to an open curbing and lining. In
such a case the plan shown in the ac-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
An odd Cholera Cure.

At the beginning of this century a
most peculiar cholera remedy was in
use in Persia. Ii consisted in wadding
up leaf from the Koran and forcing il
oowr The patients throat.-AIhany
Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
Rrltaln,s relegraph Lines

To keep tie 10000 odd miles OF telc-
graph line IN order in Great Britain
and provide for the proper dispatch and
delivery of the millions of messages
that pass over them every month entails
an expenditure of about e2,250,000 a
year.--Chicago Tribune
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
A Hint for snrinr.

Mrs. YEAST wish l could think of
something to keep my husband home
at nights.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-Get him bicy-
Gle
Mrs. Yeast-That would take him out
more than ever.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-Oh no, il
wouldn't My husband got one day be-
fore yesterday, and the doctor says he
won't be out for a month.-Tit-Bits.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Explaining Proverb.-'Papa, what does
this mean: 1T is better TO give than to re-
ceive'" asked a boy of his fond parent.
at means, my son. that your mother finds
more pleasure in lecturing nc than do in
hearing her. Tit Bits.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Nothing creates quite as great eommotion
as a woman " no has lost her pockethook
What was in t had nothing to do with the
ease-Washington Democrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

When boy comes home from college and
doesn't wear glasses, it is pretty good sign
that he has considerable horse sense.-N ash
ington Democrat
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

his nose. BY and by Mr.. Scott said he
had all he wanted, and added:
(Which is The longest river in the
world?"
1.-THE Amazon, sir"
"Am-a-zon. Please write { down for
me. You've licked it into me in fust-
class style and when git home and git
my paws onto my son Bill he'll come TO
believe that there hain't nuif water in
the Wabash to wash his mothers feet
witIl Amazon! Good-by. critterl"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Miss Dimples- I'm glad 20 begin
the new year right" Miss Passay-''And |
hate to begin it left. ''-Cleveland Plain
Dealer
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Over 00,O00cured Why not let No To Bac
regulate or remove your desire Tor tobacco!
Saves money, makes health aud manhood
Cure guaranteed, soc and 81 90, all druggists.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Fits stopped free and permanently cured
No fits after first days use of DIR. Kline's
Great Nerve Restorer Free s. trial bottle &
treatise. DIR. Kline, 933 Arch St, Phila, Pa
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Generally, those who know the least are
the ones who are always giving you advice
lust for Your own good"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

DO you rectify mistakes here?" asked a
gentleman, as he stepped into a chemist s
Yes, sir, we do, if the patient Is still alive,
replied the urbane clerk.-Glasgow Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Famous Author (who has been invited to
dinner, to himself)-"What a wretched
menu. | shall take care not to make any
witty remarks. '-Fliengende Batter.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Some women buy books because they look
pretty in the book case.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Let lot of men get together, and it is
remarkable how soon they will g. 10 talk
ing about good things to eat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Churn every "a hotTs Il you can get
cream enough. and II you can't don't
churn 81 all. =.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Shc-"Do you love me for myself alone,
dearests" IIe-"0f course, do. You don I
suppose l want your mother about all the
time, do ?"-Judy.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

We have never yet seen a man too poor
to own gun and dog.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
FARM AND GARDEN,
AN ARCHAIC IDYI.

Adown the slopes OF Ararat,
BY beast and bird attended.
The patriarch, who'd left the ark.
His sloppy way had wendell.
But ah! the mud. soon ankle high.
Grew higher still and higher.
Said Noah: "This mire seems stuck on me.
But mud, don't admire.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18
No-To-Bac for Fifty Cent.

Many boys first step towards the peni-
Tertiary was being irregular at school,
Washington Democrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

1t comes as natural TO a woman to know
dry goods as It does to a man to swear
Washington Democrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

The boo tree in .he sacred city Of
Alnarapoora. Burnah, is said to b
the oldest tree IN existence.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Mother tmpatiently)-'T don't know
what viii ever become of that child; moth
ing pleases him" Father (serenelyl-"Well
we'll make an art critic of him. Tit Bits.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

/ can recommend Piso's Cure for Con
sumption to sufferers from Asthma-E. ID
Townsend, TT. Howard, Wis, Maya, '9I
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Cascarets stimulate liver, kidneys and
bowels. Never sicken, weaken or gripe, l0c
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

DO you Ike cabbage" We'll, ! never eat
il, but 7 smoke it sometimes. &C Chicago
Record
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Made worse by cold. Neuralgia need
st. Jacobs Oil to cure. 1t cures
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

First Burglar-"Hist, Here comes the
janitorl' Second Burglar-"Well, we wiped
our feet, didn't we! Detroit Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Years of rheumatism have ended Will
cure by st. Jacobs Oil Cures promptly
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

The pain of sciatica is cruel The cure
by st. Jacobs Oil is sure. 1t penetrates.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

There is no fruit that with proper
management can be grown so readily
as the grape.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

When bilious or costive cat Cascaret.
candy cathartie, cure guaranteed. lee, 25c.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Slipped and fell; bad sprain. Never
mind. st. Jacobs Oil will cure it,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Just try Zoe box of Cascarets candy ca
thaTtic, finest liverand bowel regulator made.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-02-18

Any ache, from toothache to backache
st. Jacobs Oil viii cure.