The times., 1897-12-05
sQUAN CREEK FOLKS.
Why Postmaster Salathiel Green
Continues to Hold the Fort.


| ter of Squan Creek way back before the
| war, and up to two or three years ago no
| body hankered arter his place. Then the
/ salary was TiZ, the postoffice moved into
a diug store, and fifty different men began
| TO itch to boss the mailbags- IL was
/ Moses Jackson who made the fust moTe.
| One day he went over to Tobias Browns
| house, and out into the back yard where
| Tobias was meHdin' hoe, and arter some
! talk about fish, crabs and the weather he
| suddenly says:
"Look-a-yere, Tobias; but, 'sposin' the
mayor OF New York should cum down TO
| Squan Greek to 90 out crabbm?"
"Lordyl" gssped Tobias. as he looked
up.
The mayor of New York IS heap Of
! felleT-almost as much of feller as the
| President OF the United States
''Yes, know
III he was to cum down here 10 20 cut
| crabbin he'd expect to be met at the train
and welcomed. Sum one would Eev 10
ma1ea speech and Ia ke him home TO .iianer.
| The man To do it is the postmaster. Hes
| supposed to he the biggest man in Squan
! Greek. Tobias Brown, will yoI jnst iIn
! agineSala thiel Green maxim a burnin sFeech
| OF welcome to the mayor OF New York city,
| ana after wards entertainin' him dinner"
'SnalN and snafls, but he never coaiddo
| do ir-neveri' whispered Tobias Us he
turned pale clear back TO the ears
'Or course, he Couldn't He never made
| a speech in his life, and as fur dinner, his
wife would cook corned beef and taters
and think em good 'nuff FUR anybody. 1t
would Jest be the death blow OF Squln
| Greek. Not one OF us could ever hold his
head up arter that. Tobias, we've got
| to do suntmn', and we've got TO do it right
away"
Lord save us. think we have." an
swered Tobias.
There is a man in this town who kin
make burnin' speech OF welcome says
Moses, as he stIffens up. He IS auian no
has a cooper-shop and three houses to
rent. He was tax collector fur ten long
years He has Tin down to Philadelphia
and up to New York and he amt no hay
seed. His wife also Knows how to COOK
| dibrer. It's that man who should he
postmaster of Squan Greek, and here's
| petition I want ye to sign to help bring It
| about. I'm the man, Tobias Brown, and
| ye kin sign yer name right there"
| Tobias put down his name and Moses
! thanked him and walked off, but he hadn't
| gone hundred rods when lie meets Phle-
tus Iaugden, and Phastls pushes him up
agin shade tree anu Says:
| Look here, Moses Jackson, but do
| you know what's keepin, Squan Creek in
the quagrnire Of despondency, when Brigah-
tine and Barnagat ar soarin on he wings
of prosperity"
''Mebbe we've got too many 'sIeeters
around here" replied Moses. as he lcoss
away over the marshes.
1T hain't 'skeeters nor bullfrogs nor
| chnls,'' continues Philetus, nor it amt
| that we don Z ship more crabs than KeypCrt
or Red Bank. It's jest because of OUT
postmaster. Does anybody ever hear Of
him? Has he ever delivered a Fourth Of
July orashun? Do ye ever see him out TO
| funerals? Does he take the lea when we
hev a Sunday skUle picnic? Never-neverl
Moses, we've go. to hist him out O. that
and hist good man into his place. IN
| digsin' eco post-holes and grubbin' Jut
| forty eight stuhps this summer, but IN
wiIlin to sacrifice myself ana take the
| post ion. Here's a retisbun, and III ak
ye to put yer name down at the head.
Il never VIII do it," says Moses.
''Nebbe We want 1t yourself?''
''&ebbe l do. That is, I'm willin' to take
1t fur the benefit of the town.
But the town don't want yer
Anc so they jawed and jawed and "aIled
names and almost had fight. That started
! everybody up. Before night there was
sixty petishuns goih' round. Cy Henderson,
who couldn't skasSly read a sign board nor
| tel tie time o. Cay, goes found with his
petishun ard SAYS:
u ain't adooin' this because I want
office and hev folks pint me out as a
mE,yonaire. I'm adooin' it that SqJan
| Creek may git up and hump herself aid
git to be as big as Atlantic City I can't
do nuthin' to help the town while I'm
tongin' fur oysters, but as postmaster III
make things hum Or break a leg"
Pump Tompkins, who had never been TO
school da Y in his life, and who wore one
blue shirt the year round, had a petish'm,
auG lac went AL around sayln':
II amt style and rich cl0ze I banker
arter, but l want to see Squan Creek put
in the weather re ports, same rs New York
ana Philadelphia. She amt never men-
shuned now no moren as if we didn't he V
no weather. 1 amt sayin' that SaIatliel
Green air a good man, but he amt got the
good o this town at heart. he Jest let's
things drift right along, ,insteadof Ia kin Jff
his coat and kickin' up the mud"
Dan BOonshaw, who had never done any
thin great except to chaw terbaeker and
| lie about sharks, had a petishun, and fur
tn: &c days lac went around sayin' TO every
body:
Il had to go up TO New York last week
with d box OF Holsters, and when l said
was from SquanCreek nobody up thar had
ever heard of the town. One fellow actually
asked me if it was up In the CatskiIls!
| Dye 'spOse If We had the right sort o post
master here we'd hev To suffer sich insults
as that2 Salathiel Green is "A purity good
man as men 90, but he amt fitten 10 hold
| office. Instead of being Outmakin' speeches
and holdin' SqUan Greek up to the world
he's playin' fox and geese with Abe Carter
or KILN the worms on his plumb trees.
amt wantin office that / may smell around
and boss an ybody, but it's as plain as the
nose on yer face that Sunthin' has got to be
did or Sqnan Greek viii dry up and blow
away"
And so 1t was with sixty different men J.,
and not one of 'em could git a single
sgner to his petishun. Sich as didn't want
to change wouldn't sign, and Sieh as did
wanted the office fur themselves. Things
Went ON this way fur about week, and
that public meetin was called.
The sixty candidates was all there
Moses jackson started in to mai a speech
to boom hisself, but the other fifty aine
riz up and howled, and mint later evsry
body was fightin. Somebody locked the
doors on cm, and them candidates Jest
kicked and bit and scratched and pulIed
hair till the last one tired himself out
and fell down. 1t was four weeks before