The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-03-28
going around in II treadmill life which
will end i'll Il rosewood coffin aud first
class pOnut1y fr1nor.lD

going around IN u treadmll1 life when
will end i'll Il rosewood coffin aud first
class country funoral''-
Stop that, professor, will you?''
while you AFRO still u handsome
man, with just enough gray in your
whiskcrs to make you look interesting.
No doubt you have been thinking of
some nice young girl of Is who would
jump ut the chance to marry your 30
COWS and 20 acres of hops
Professor, won't stay here if you
don't let up on that
And your wife docs not look well in
that new Watertown wagon, so you
take your hired man and neighbours
girls TO meeting Your wife never goes
anywhere, so you do not get her watch
like your own, nor Il new silk dress, nor
IL pony that she could drive, nor bas-
llct phacton that she could climb into
without a ladder. She never says any
thing, SO you have not got her Il set OF
| teeth like your own, gold and rubber,
| and her nose is pushed up into her fore
head and her face wrinkles Sho never
gees out. She has to work in the kitchen,
so she gets no nice shoes like yours
Darn my skin if don't''-
| No, you won't. You will Just let
her work right along, and then you will
marry some high f1icr who will pull
every hair out of your head and serve
you right too. 2"
" Professor, for mcrcy's sake, stopr'
"Whcn you know, and know, that
If your wife had IL chance to rest and
had nice clothes like other women she
would be one of the best looking women
of her age i'll the town.
II swan believe it,"
And, old us she is. if You were
to get out the carriage next Sunday
and drive around with the colts and
| tell her you wanted her to go to meeting
with you. She would actually blush
with pleasure
"Darned if i don t do it,
Then, Monday, if you were to tell
her you were going to hire IL girl, and
that She must sitin the sitting room by
the new nickel plated coal stove and
work OH that new silk dress you are go
ing to buy her
Professor, that's me-
" And then hand her Il nice wallet
with steel clasps and with five nice new
$40 notes i'll it. and tell her to do her
own trading after this because YOU
have got tired looking after so much
money!
II will, as sure us you live
And then, when the tear starts i'll
her eye, and the same old blush comes
out that you thought was so nice when
You went on that tcctor to Albany, if
| you would kiss her
It's all right professor. -
Then, my friend, should begin to
think she had made something by mar
| rying il rich man.
lyon re right, old man.
Then L think you wouldn't have Il
miserable wife amy longer. Then ynu
| would no longer want to sell or rent the
| farm, but would be showing the mother
of your children how much you respect
ed her for her life of devotion. Then
She would know She was IL partner in
that $40, 600. Then, if you made Your
VIII all right, and She had u good rest,
L think she would some time BIZ IN eli
| gible widow. :
Think so, profcssOr?''
= know it, Woman is Il plant that
wants sunshine You have been leaving
| your wife iii the shade too much She
has lost her color You have made her
think she is an old woman. She has
| given up all hope of admiration and
love, and Is only waiting to die and get
ont OF the way. Suppose you were treat
| ed sou
What me? l am all right"
Yes, [ know. Women pity You TO-
cause you are tied to such IL sorry look
ing wife. Foolish Old maids and silly
girls whisper behind Your back what IL
nicc looking man You are, and what a
| stick of Il wife you have, and You are
just soft enough to wear tight boots and
oil what little hair you have left on the
| top OF your head and 60 around figuring
up how long before your wife will die Z"
Say now, see here, professor there
is limit TO endurance. L am going"
II am coming down to see you next
week. Will it he all right?''
Yes, if You drop this kind of talk
and won't tell of my complaints about
my wife. I'll Try your medicine Would
you stick for that prescription about the
pockctbooll and $40 notes."
How much did you say You have
made together"
II cave. The dress will he all right,
and the pony and phacton will be handy
for the gals. Come down aud sec us,
old man, bat not IL word about this
talk. III you wasn't an old man, I'd"-
Tipping his derby back on his head
and shaking the wrinkles ont of his
tight trousers, he put his hands into his
pockets and sauntered away.
There, said I, is one man who
has taken the only legal and God given
way of getting rid of II miserable wife >,