New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-08-18
Tales Of Hurnor


Tales Of Humor g
An Irishman who was. out OF worl
went on board vessel that was in th,
harbor and asked the captain if he could
find him work on the ship, says Tit
Bits.
"Well," said the captain, at the same
time handing the IrlshmaL a piece Of
rope, .if you can find three ends to that
rope, you shall have some work. !
The Irishman got hold of one end Of the
rope, and. showing 1t to the captain, said:
.'That's one end, your honor" Then he
took hold of the other end, and, showing
it to the captain as before, said: "And
that's two ends, your honor.' Then,
taking hold of both ends of the rope, he
threw it overheard, saying: "And faith,
there's an end to the rope, your honor"
He was engaged.
Mexicans are not very fond of Span
iards, and jokes are constantly cropping
upin Mexico illustrative of the arrogance
of the Spanish character. One now cur
rent in Mexico runs as follows: A Span
lard arrived at Vera Cruz and stepped
on shore just as an earthquake occurred.
Putting on a benign smile, he said sTrem-
BILE not, Earth, am not going to harm
thee."- Francisco Argo1aut.
There was'a young fellow who was in
love with young girl and could have
secured her had he stepped up like a
man and asked her. But he was BASH
full and put it off. The other chap
who was energetic came, in ahead,
popped the question and married her.
After couple of years of bliss he died
and went to that place which begins
with an 'h.'
Our young man was determined not
to get left this tine. When the widow
drove home from the cemetery on the
day of the funeral he was on the porch.
As she came up he said: "Henrietta, I
waited too long the last time and lost
you. Will you be my wife?'
ooh, George" said she, '1'm so sorry.
You're too late again. The undertaken
asked me at the grave! Hardware.
A certain justice of the peace having
previous to trial, at a conclu-
sion upon question of law highly sat-
isfactory to himself, refused to entertain
an argument by the opposing counsel.
eff your honor pleases," the counsel re-
piled, II should like to cite a few au-
thorities upon the point" Here he was
sharply interrupted by the justice, who
stated: ''The court knows the law, and
is thoroughly advised in the premises,
and has given Its opinion, and that set
ties it." "It was not" continued the
counsel, "with an idea of convincing your
honor that you were wrong,but I should
like to show you what. fool Blackstone
was"
At one of the great hotels, a gentle.
man seeking in vain for candle with
which to light himself to his room,
passed young lady who had two can-
dies, of which she politely offered him
one. He thanked her, and the next
morning acknowledged the courtesy in
the following epigra'n. The young lady
was as handsome as she was polite:
You gave me a candle, gave you my
thanks, .s
And add-as a compliment justly your
There isn't girl in these feminine ranks
Who could, if she tried, hold a candle to
you" -.~- 49,. " -.
Argonaut: An old negro who want
ed Christmas dinner prayed night after
light: IL ord, please send turkey to this
darkey." But none came to him. Final
ly he prayed: 9Oh, Lord, please send
this darkey to a turkey" And he got
one the same night.
A small boy, Rev. Dr.. Lambuth re-
lates, teased his father for a watch till
he was forbidden to mention the matter
again. At family prayers next morning,
when asked for his scripture verse, the
youngster repeated, sWhat l say unto
You, | say unto all-watch." Chautau-
qua Assembly Herald.
An old country gentleman belonging
to Lancashire, returning home rather
late, discovered q yokel, with q lantern,