Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-01-25
HIS FLYING CAT.
BY W. l.. ALDEN.

ElrQS so long as tney stay IN EnSlanu,
but when they emigrate to America,
lhey are no better than the average of
3ur working classes. Some meddling
IDIOT brought lot of sparrows to the
states some ten or fifteen years ago, eX-
pecting they would kill all the worms on
The fruit trees. They hadn't been iS the
rountry six months when they took the
ground that they were as good as the
best of our swell birds, and that they
considered that killing worms was
degrading kind of labor fit only for
blackbirds and crows. So they took
TO living on wheat, and strawberries,
md cherries, and they multiplied so
fast that they are the worst curse that
the farmer and the fruit grower ever
nad
Prof. Van WAGNER and l were dis
eussing the sparrow question one day,
and Twas complainingo of the ineiliciency
of the American cat. Our cats are about
as wide-awake and as monarchial cats
rs you can produce, but they can't
latch a single sparrow. I've known
ambitious cats who set out to catch
sparrows, and who wasted away to
mere skeletons, and died of weakness
through watching for sparrows from
dawn to darkness, and never once get
ting within ten feet of one. As gen
eral rule l don't have much sympathy
for cats, but the insulting language
that sparrows use when they see n cat
laying for them, and the aggrayating
way in which they will fly just over the
eats head, or maybe hit the cat over the
,ail with their wings, is more than any
cat can be expected to bear.
1.-The trouble is said Van Wagner,
that the cat isn't flying animal and
the sparrow is. The sparrow's native
element is the air, and you can't expect
4 cat to catch a sparrow so long AS the
rat can't fly
"'That's true said l, but 1t don't
helpus out of our difficulty. Cat'sweren't
made with wings, and neither you nor
:an invent a new model of cat that will
be able to fly, and to catch sparrows on
the wing
Don't be too sure of that said the
professor. Science has improved
everything that it has put its hand to,
md | see no reason why science
shouldn't improve cats. A flying cat
would supply great public want, for
she would kill off the sparrows as easily
hs she kills off the mice. I've half
mind to try the experiment of inventing
flying cat
"'All right said l. When you get
your flying cat finished just notify me,
and I'll come and see her fly. Then, if
gou are going in for improving animals,i
perhaps you will invent cat that can
sing like u nightingale. The present
style of singing among cats is disgrace
ful, They haven't any more idea of
music than Chinaman.'
well, the professor bucllled down to
business, and from his daily interviews
with his private cat, and the consequent
scratches that diversified his good old
scientific countenance, judged that he
was doing his best to make cat that
would fly. Before the six weeks were
up he sent me a note inviting me to
oome round to his house at two o'clock
the next afternoon to see the first sue
cessful flying cat that had ever been in
vented. l needn't say that l went.
aad assisted at the birth of dozens of
Van Wagener's inventions, and I had
generally found that the presence Of
man with experience in the treatment
Of accidents was a handy thing so far
us the professor was concerned.
"'You know, colonel said he, my
method as an inventor. ! ask myself
%hat is needed in some particular pur-
pose, and then proceed to supply that
need. Most people think that an in
ventor has ideas come to him all OF
sudden, in supernatural sort of way;
but that is all nonsense. Inventing is
business, like any other, and any intel
ligent man can learn it. Now, when
saw that the reason why cats don't
catch sparTows is that they can't fly
after the bird, I saw what was wanted
was flying cat and proceeded to in
vent one. Here | have a small balloon
This / fix to that cat of mine, and when
1t is inflated it will just support the
weight of the cat in the aar. Then YOU
zee this pair of paddle-wheels. They
are to be fixed one on each side of the
cat, and are to be driven by a small cleo
trical engine, The balloon floats the cat
and the paddle-wheels propel her. In
order to steer the cat | fix a fiat piece Of
tin to the extremity of her tail. When
fhe sees sparrow her instinct will
make her swish her tail from one side
10 the other, and her attention being
fastened on catching the bird, she will
unconsciously work her tail in such
way as te steer her directly towards it
ut wasn't an eaey job TO rig up Van
Wagener's cat, She kicked and sworc
her level best, and got in several good
scratches on the professors hands.
However, he stuck to his task, and after
awhile the cat was ready, and we ad
iourned to the backyard. There was
whole gang of sparrows in the middle
nf the yard, forming sort of ringround
Two that were fighting, and from the
way in which every sparrow was talk
ing at the top OF his voice it was clear
that some heavy bettinu on the Il mi, 4