davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
HERD OF IRISH BULLS.
Some Mixed Metaphors Credited to Sons
of the Emarald Isle.


A collection of Irish bulls was pub
lished recently by contemporary.
Here are some of them, from House
hold Words: A certain politician, late
ly condemning the government for its
recent policy concerning the income
tax, is reported to have said: They'll
keep cutting the wool off the sheep that
lays the golden eggs until they pump
it dry" "The glorious work will never
be accomplished until the good ship
Temperance shall sail from one end of
the land to the other, and with cry
of 'Victory!' at each step she takes shall
plant her banner in every city, town
and village in the united kingdom" An
Irishman, in the midst of a TRADE
against landlords and capitalists, de-
clared that ''if these men were landed
on an uninhabited island they wouldn't
be there half an hour before they
would have their hands in the pockets
of the naked savages." Only a few
weeks ago lecturer at big meeting
gave utterance to the following: "All
along the untrodden paths of the future
we can see the footprints of an I'M
seen hand" An orator at one of the
university unions bore off the palm of
merit when he declared that t'the Brit
ism lion, whether it is roaming the des-
erts of India or climbing the forests of
Canada, will not draw in its horns or
retire into its shell"
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
The Prize Poster

Once upon a time green cat sat
under a blue rose-bush devouring a
red mouse. This cat did business in
the southeast corner of poster, while
at the upper left grew vague, ,laVen-
der-faced maiden against lemon sky.
Her hair and eyes were the color of the
cat: also the shirt front Of the dim
featured, alizarin-faced youth beside
her. The purple grass hesitated drift
lily about them. In the distance ver-
million sail was cutting a wide swath
against mauye moon.
azured the reflection of the far-faced
boy.
'The washing is on the line" he
grieved.
The lavender eyelids fell.
"Out of the intense, comes" she
hesitated, and the rest was lost in the
cream-colored silence.
The cat sped a gobelin-blue yeowl
such as thrive only in Poster Land.
The tragedy was finished.
The prize poster was ready for the
contest.
[ do not know what it means. Nei-
ther does the artist.
But those who have gone deeply into
the heart of things-who have solved
the elusive fairness of Browning and
Beardsley, they-they will understand.
Truth.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
BEFO' THE WA"
The Sunsets Then Were Far More
Beautiful.
be in error

Beautiful.
Southerners who lived in more luxury
before the war than they have been
able to do since have a very natural
way of dating everything by compar-
ing every event of the present time to
those palmy days "befo' the wa" says
the Country Gentleman 1t is quite un-
necessary to add that all things suffer
by the comparison. 1t was the custom
of the guests at the sanitarium to as
semble on the porches just before sun
down, to watch the retiring process Of
old Sol as he slipped away to bed be-
hind Mount Pisgah, one of the loftiest
peaks of the Blue range. Some of the
guests were asserting they could see
another elevation, so called from its
resemblance to that animal. A little
patch of fleecy clouds had evidently
caught fast on the pines in passing 4
cliff, and some one said Beancatcher
peak was flirting with Beaumont; while
the Balsam range, others said, had al
ready put on a nightcap Of mist, with
now and then a blue-black peak pro-
jecting above the clouds. Otherwise
not cloud was to be seen save few
mackerel scales just above the western
horizon. Just as but half of the suns
orb was left in view and shadows were
rapidly deepening and the last depart
ing shafts of sunlight were gliding the
domes of the most lofty hills and every
one was all but speechless with admira-
tion at the splendor of the sunset, one
woman, northerner and newcomer,
was able to keep her tongue going.
"Oh, 1 do Think she was saying to a
southern lady, that it is the most ex-
quisite sunset I ever saw; tell me, is it
a custom down here for the sun to set
like that?" ooh, that's nothing" was
the reply; you should have seen it
'befo the war
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
yz5M S<SSSzzz<
INTERNATIONAL PRESS ASSOCIATION
CHAPTER XII.-tCoxrlxurD.)

S1APIEh Al1.-tNONTINUED.t
Constance looked up eagerly. He
has done nothing and said nothing in
consistent with honor and what he
owes you. The weakness is all mine;
the folly, the madness and the suffer
ing. He never thought of me except
as a sister. Surely his engagement
proves this"
What should your marriage have
proved?" asked her husband sarcas-
tically. "It may be as you say. If
believe it, it is not because you swear
1t Is the truth. But | did not come
mere to waste time in reproaches
There is but one way to put this scan
dal down; namely, to conduct ourselves
as II we had never heard of it. Of
course, as soon as can be done without
exciting remark, Edward must seek
anotner home. Our removal to the
country will afford a convenient op-
portunlty for effecting this change. As
TO your reputation, 1 charge myself
with the care of it from this hour.
MY error has been undue indulgence :"
Constance lifted her leaden eyes with
look OF utter wretchedness. "If YOU
would but suffer me to go away and
hlde myself from all who know nv
miserable story | would ask nothing
else at your hands. You would the
sooner forget the unhappiness brought
upon you by the sad farce of marriage
IN which we have been the actors''
On my part it has been no farce
feplled the stern metallic voice. I
nave conscientiously fulfilled the du-
ues made obligatory upon me by o1r
contract. You entered into this volun-
tarlly- For what you have termed fol-
ly, you have only yourself to blame
you seem to have been tempted to
your unhappy passion by an inherent
love OF wrong doing AS to your pro-
posal of flight and concealment il is
SIMPLY ABSURD. In the first place, YOU
NeaVe out of view the fact that nv fair
name would be tarnished bv an ooen
separation, the infamy you would hide
pe lald pare to the general gaze. Sec
ohoiy, you have no decent place of
refuge. L know your brother sufficient
'ly Well to affirm that his doors would
De closed against you were you to apply
TO him for shelter as a repudiated wife.
iAhd you have no private fortune. I
snail never again of my own accord.
aliude to this disagreeable subject. We
understand each other and our mutual
position
lie Kept his word to the letter But
henceforward his every action and look,
When she was by, reminded her she was
IN bonds, and he was her jailer. Too
Droken-spirited to resist his will, or to
caVll at the demands made upon her
time and self-denial by his cold i'm.
perlousness. she marched at his chariot
wheel slave in queenly attire. whose
dreams were no more of freedom, to
whom love meant remorse, and mar
rage pollution, the more hopeless and
hatefui that the law and the Gospel
pronounced it honorable in all
(The End.)
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

her two daughters, and other men
ana women of note at home and
ABROAD. Aside from her general
cargo, the ship carried treasure TO
the amount of s25O,OOO. The bank
ers at Madras figured out that the mas
senSers must have had at least S1O0 COZ
among them, while an Indian potenteta
Oh MS way to be received as guest of
royalty had strong box of jewelry
ana gems valued at so great sam
that no one dared speak it. 1t was
intended that the ship should be con-
Voyed as far as the Cape of Good Hone
u! d man-of-war, as there were nlentv
OF pirate craft still afioat. but the sov-
eFhment vessel met with mishaD at
sea and was detained somewhere, and
the Star finally decided to sail with
cut her, as there was little fear but
mat she could. take care of herself
Two days out of Madras she was SIGHT
ed and reported, but that was the last
seen or heard of her until the wear
1864
he less of the Star made a great
sensation for several reasons, and when
1t vas finally concluded that she had
peen lost various vessels were sent in
search Of her and every effort was
made to ascertain her fate. In 1856
a Malay sailor who died aboard of an
English tea ship told her captain that
The Star was attacked and captured by
pirates to the south of Ceylon, and that
ne was one OF the men engaged in the
attack. He said there were five ma
tive craft, and that they came upon
the Star in a calm and carried her by
boarding. The ship made a long and
stubborn resistance, but was finally
captured, and the pirates had suffered
such heavy loss that in revenge they
killed everybody to the last child. They
then looted the ship and scuttled her
and the plunder was subsequently di-
vided On an island in the China sea.
Some people believed this story and
some said it was absurd. The general
idea was that the Star foundered at sea
during heavy gale. The dying state
ment Of the pirate was never fully in
vestigated for some reason. So far as
the investigation went it was proved
to be a fact. The pirates had long
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
BIG COMET COMING OUR WAY.
Splendid Traveller Due to BE Within
Human Vision I'm 1911.

Splendid Traveller Due to BE Within
Human Vision I'm 1911.
Halley's comet is coming back-the
comet which in the year 1866 shed a
celestial splendor over the Norman
conquest and whose terror-inspiring
visit was commemorated by the hand
of Queen Matilda in the Bayeaux
tapestry, says the Providence Journal
the comet that in 1456, the year of the
battle Of Belgrade, scared the Turk and
Christian alike and was mathematical
by bull from the pope; the comet
whose strange, scimiter form still
chilled the marrow of the ignorant
and superstitious at it's latest return
in 1885. 1t Is yet far away, but the
eye of science sees it, already within
the orbit of Neptune, rushing sunward
and earthward with constantly increas-
ing velocity as it falls along the steep
curve of it's orbit. And call to arms,
call for preparation, has just been
issued from one of the chief watch
towers of astronomy. Prof Glassnapp
announces that the computing bureau
established by the Russian Astronom-
ical society has undertaken the calcu
lation of the true path of Halley's
comet with view to predicting the
exact date of the next return. He
hopes that astronomers acquainted
with unpublished observations of the
comet will communicate the informa-
tion to the society. After it's peri
helion the comet was watched retreat
ing out into space until May, 1886, when
it was finally swallowed from sight.
1t will be in perihelion again about
1911, but with the great telescopes now
in existence, and the greater ones that
may then have been constructed, it
is probable that the comet will be de-
tected coming sunward a year or more
earlier than that. The fact that the
labor of computing the precise time
Of it's return is already about to be-
gin gives assurance that the next time
it will not be a question of how many
days, but rather of how many hours,
or even minutes, the calculations will
be in error.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Enormous Evaporation Figures.

An average of five feet of water is
estimated to fall annually over the
whole of the earth's surface. Assum-
ing that condensation takes place at
All average height of 5000 feet, the
force of evaporation necessary to sup
ply moisture for such a prodigious
rainfall must be equal to the lifting
of 322 900, 900 pounds of water 5000
feet every minute, day and night,
during the entire year. To supply
this enormous amount of moisture a
stratum OF the entire ocean surface
OF the glboe not less than ~ feet
thick must be taken up by the clouds
and returned to earth once each 3G5
days
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
SIR JOSEPH LISTER.
Humanitys Great Debt to EIim-A Rev.
Olution in Surgery.

! Humanity's Great Debt to Eim-A Rev
olution in Surgery.
Sir Joseph Lister acknowledges his
supreme Indebtedness to Pasteur for
the discovery that putrefaction was a
fermentation due to microbes, which
could not arise de novo from the de-
composable substance, says Scribner's.
With this as a basis the great surgeon
persisted, in the face of much oppoSi-
ton, in perfecting a simple antiseptic
dressing-that is, one which would de-
stroW any microbes that could fall on
the wound and purify the surgeons
hands and instruments His success
accomplished a veritable revolution in
surgery. To select a single instance:
The general hospital at Munich had
, come to such state Of unhealth that
fully 80 per cent OF all wounds were
infected by the poisonous gangrene. A
surgeon was sent to England to learn
he new "Listerism," and after his re-
urn not a single case Of hospital gan
creme appeared in the Munich Kran-
kenhaus. Many allied dangers were
totally destroyed by this gospel OF
cleanliness, and in addition the suffer-
ng of patients during necessary opera
ions was vastly relieved, owing to the
absence of inflammation. The most
conservative savants estimate that the
lister antiseptic has increased the field
If remedial surgery twentyfold and
hat the mortality of hazardous opera
ions has been reduced from probably
50 per cent to something like per cent.
With antiseptic treatment the skull,
even the viscera, can be safely entered
sor operation, and it is literally true
hat modern surgery can without dan
ger remove any part of the human
organism which is not itself essential
o life
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Tho Tower of Babel.

Early English building was done
with what would now be called very
small stones, and the unwillingness
or inability of the worlImen to raise
and deal with heavy masses is in
dicated in scuIptured representa-
ton of the building of Babel pre-
served in the Chapter house of Sails
bury. Workmen are there shown in
the act of walking up the ladders
carrying stones ON their backs
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

NO-TO-BAC FOR FIFTY CENTS
Millions of men who are daily tobacco
Splitting and Smoking Their Lives Away"
will he glad to learn that the makers of No
To-Bac, the famous guaranteed tobacco
habit cure, that has freed over 400, 900 to-
Eacco users in the last few years, have put
on the market fifty-cent acka"e of their
great remedy. This will give every tohac-
co user a chance to test No-TO- Bacs power
to control the desire for tobacco in every
form and at the same time g benefited by
No-TO-Bac's nerve strengthening qualities
Every tobacco user should procure a fifty
cent box at once from his druggist or or
der it by mail. You will re surprised to
see how easily and quickly the desire for
tobacco disappears. Any reader can OBJ
tain sample and booklet free by address,
ing the Sterling Remedy Co., Chicago or
New York and mentioning this paper
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
A Tongue Twister.

Among the literary curiosities OF
which Boston is justly the proud pos
SCISSOR is the following jawbreaker.
framed and hung in the old South
church in that city: ''Wutappesittuk-
qussunnoolSwehtunq This word,
so far as known, has never been pro-
nounced by a white man, but occurs
in Eliot's Indian bible, and is found
in Marks gospel, first chapter and
fortieth verse, and according to that
means ''Itneeling down to Him." If
the brave red man had thrown such
chunks of wisdom at the forefathers
instead of dull arrow heads and way
side stones, probably American his
tory would have been written in
different kew.
NO-TO-BAC FOR FIFTY CENTS.
Over 404 600 cured. Why not let No-To-Bac
regu ate or remove your desire for tobacco.
Saves money, makes heath and manhood.
Cure Guaranteed soc and 81 on, ali druggists.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Largest Baby Ever Born.

The largest baby at time of birth Of
any record first saw the light of day
at Macon, Ga, during the summer OF
1890. The child was the offspring OF
the Lemons, its father, VIII Lennon,
being Il well-l<nOwn painter of that
burg. When the child was n hours
old it weighed but one and one-half
ounces less than forty pounds.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

YOU WANT A FARM and we Iave so
miles west of Houston, at Cnesterville,
the best tract in Texas. Land high
prairie and well drained, abur1ant
rainfall, good soil, low prices and easy
terms Don't fail to post yourself
Write and receive "Fertile Farm
Lands" FREE and information as to
cheap excursions and FREE FARE. Adj
dress, Southern Texas Colonization
Co, John Linderholm, Mgr, 11O.,
Rialto Bldg, Chicago.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
beware of Ointments for Catarrh That
Contain Mercury

as mercury will surrey destroy the sense
of smell and completely derange the whole
be used except on prescriptions from rep
utaole physicians as the damage they
will do is ten fold to, the good you can
possibly derive from them. Halls Catarrh
Cure manufactured by +. j. Cheney <
Co. Toledo, o., contains no mercury, and
is taken internally, acting directly upon
tenn. In buying Halls Catarrh Cure be
sure you get the genuine. 1t is taken in
terpally and made in Toledo. o., by T. J.
Cheney & Go. Testimonials free
Sold by all Druggists price ZOE per bottle.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
The Largest RarreI.

The celebrated ''Heldelberg tun'
looks like small cask when com,
pared with huge barrel that was
made last summer for the use of tn e
''Halle aux Wins" a Paris establish
ment, known as the largest liquor en-
porium in the world. This huge
French wine cask has a capacity Of
IS, 10 gallons and measures twenty
three feet in height
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Merchants Hotel. Omaha.

COINRR FIFTEENTH AND FARNAM SITS.
Street cars pass the door to and from
both depots; in business center of city.
Headquarters for state and local trade.
Rates s. and So per day.
PAXTON IL DAVENPORT, Props
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Gold In North Carolia.

A poor North Carolina farmer turned
up a gold nugget on his farm and has
since refused fabulous prices for his
lands. which are near Lenoir.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
THE POWER OF CHILDREN
They Made a Man Sec All the Good Ia
Mother In Law.

They Made a Man Sec All the Good In
a Mother In Law.
One man was making unlind re-
marks about his mother-in law, and
the other man was taking it all in.
After while he put in his oar.
You haven't any children. have
you?" he inquired.
''No," was the reply; 'what's thai
got to do with it?"
''More than you IL ever know till you
have some"
81 fail to see it."
Yes, so did l, at first. and | talked
just as you do. Then. when the
youngsters came and began to grow
up and to learn who grandma was.
to look to her as their best friend;
the one to shield them when they
needed the parental spanking; the
one to give them pennies when their
parents thought they should not have
them: the one who came and watched
by them when they were sick; the
one who was always good to them;
the one grandma of all the world to
the innocent, mischievous all-pervad-
ing kids, blamed if | didn't forget
utterly that she was my mother-in-
law, and | got to calling her grand
ma just as the little ones did, and
thinking about her just as they did,
and finally, when the gray-haired old
angel went to her rest, I grieyed
with the children and as sincerely as
any of them.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

Carrier Pigeons in Medical Practice.
A doctor in the Highlands of Scot
land distributes carrier pigeons among
his patrons, to be released when his
services are needed.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Death Brought 100000.

Life insurance to the amount of $780,
100 was recently paid to the widow of
Idson Keith, who committed suicide in
Chicago some months ago.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
1861 BUS. POTATOES PER ACRE.

Don't believe it, nor did the editor
until he saw Salzer's great farm seed
catalogue. It's wonderful what an ar
ray of facts and figures and new
things and big yields and great testi-
nonials it contains.
Send This Notice and 10 Cents Stamps
TO John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse,
Wis, for catalogue and II rare farm
seed samples, worth $40, to get start.
wn
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Chean Lands and Homes

Are to be had on the Frisco Line in
Missouri. Arkansas and Kansas The
best route from St. Louis to Texas and
all points west and southwest. For
maps, time tables. pamphlets. etc. call
upon or address any agent of the com
pany. or. d. Wishart. Gen1 Passenger
Agent. St Louis, Mo.
There are said to he over 100000 deities
n the HindOO MYTHOLOGY
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
A SECRET OF THE SEA,

N THE year 1S49
the Honorable East
India company S
ship the Star of In
dia set sail from
Madras for London.
having on board
over 200 passen-
gers, and among
them Lord Glen
ham, Gen. Swift,
Lady Arfu,o11 o,J
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

London has 75,GOO street lamps, Paris
$4,000, and New York g, COO
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
TO CURE 4 COLD IN ONE DAY

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
Druggists refund the money if it fails to 25c
a man who has anything else to do, has
10 business In society.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

WHEN bilious or costive, cat a Cascaret
candy cathartic, cure guaranteed, l0c, pc.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

FITS stopped free and permanently cured No fits
after first days of EJr. KIine's Great Nerve
RessOreT. Free So trial bottle and treats".
send to DR. KLINE J3l Arch st, Philadelphia, Pa
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

Gawge-Mattah! Why, 1 nevah came
so near being offended in my life. The
keeper of that cafe called me a liah
and kicked me out. / tell you what
an-Gus, it wouldn't have taken much
noah to have made me veal mad
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15
Goes Cough EnIanm

The average hawk isn't in it with some
kinds of doves.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

Is the oldest and best IL will break cold quicker
than anything else. 1t is always reliable. Try it.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

Occasionally you find woman with suif-
Cient nerve to equip dozen men.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

The first te esraph wire was hung in 1896.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1897-01-15

California.

Every Thursday afternoon
"a tourist sleeping car for
Denver. Salt axe City. san
Francisco, and Los Angeles
leaves Omaha ana Lincoln
via the burlington Route.
1t is carpeted. upholstered
in rattan, has spring seats
and backs and is provided
with curtains. bedding. tow
els soap, etc. An experienced
excursion CONC uctor and Il
uniformed ullman porter
accompany it through to the
Pacific Coast.
While neither as expen-
sively finished nor rs fl G TO
look at aS a palace sieeper.it
is just as good TO ride in. Sec
OEd class tickets are hOnOred
ana the price ola berth. wide
enough and big enough for
two, is only :.
For a folder giving full
particulars write to
nj Pass'r gent. Omaha. Neb.