Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-10-09
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Isaacs-h0t cigar. Conen! OOnen
watts der madden NIT it?'--Truth.
Clerk-"You say you will take this
hammock, MISS" She-"Yes. but
want two OF them" Clerk-"very well,
madam.
A stumbling block: what IL the Oh.
lection Of the politicians to the civil.
service reform system?' 1.-THE exam.
ination questions. "-Truth.
Ciergyman--"My hoy. do you know
It's wicked to fish on the Sabbathf"
Youngster--"l isn't fishing: I'm teach.
Ing this ere wurm to swim. Tit Bits.
Benedict (proudly)-"My wife kisses
the good night regularly" llounder
tbittetly,-"womep are suspicious crea.
lures. amt they Boston Herald.
First Boarder-"I wonder the land.
lady let's him stay: everybody can see
that he drinks" Second Boarder-
"fes: but he never has any appetite In
the morning. Punch.
Cook ito policeman)-"Iiow neatly
you carve that goose!" with sudden
outbuist of jealousy "Iou have De.
ccived me. ! am not your first love-"
-f'liegeDde Batter.
why. George. you haven't smoked
any OF those cigars I gave you for
birthday present. mo. dear.
couldn't find 1t In my heart to burn any.
thing you gave me."--Iugend.
Yeast--"That man Doughton ~ very
skeptical. Unless he sees a thing. he
won believe 1t exists Crimsonbeak
He never ran into q rocking chair In
the dark. thenT'-Yonkers Stateman.
"what do you regard as the most i'm.
portant event of the century," asked
the philosopher. WELL" answered the
wheelman. 'the finish Is about Us salts.
factory us any part of the run" Truth.
Tibbs-"She is not only iine.looking
girl. but they say she has fifty thousand
pounds In her own right" Nlbbs--
what would you do If you had wife
like thatT" Squibbs-"Nothing."-
JUDY.
a." said the pompous actor, "was
once where the shells fell so thick md
fast that TO escape them was impossi.
BILE" And you are alive to tell IT."
"Oh. yes. The shells were loaded will,
egg.'--Detroit Free Press.
Farmer Summcrboard ito his SOM
"Enoch. l guess It's about time to prune
them vines" Miss Citiglrl tone Of the
boarders)-"Oh. do you raise your own
prunes? thought you bought Them nj
the grOccry."-Puck.
"Thcy say. Grumpy. that the Queen
Of England has sixty pianos, and does.
MT play any of them" I'm a little bit
crnmped this spring, but Ill buy my
daughter ffty.nInc more II she'll follow
the queens example. "--IIousehold
Words.
Mr.. Grabcnthal-"I little key has
ruined dot typewriter ! got him for his
birthday" Mrs. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES has
he done with the, beautiful type
writer" Mr.. Grabenthal-"IIe has 70,
der dollar-mark worm oudt alreidy"-
Truth.
Actress who thinks OF having hci
diamonds stolen for the sake Of the nd
vertiscment,-"Has any one ever beer
robbed at this hOtelT Guest summer
hotei,-"None Of my friends have. W.
all took the precautlon To settle nbOu,
rates bcfore we came."--New York
Weekly.
Did I understand you to say tina,
you didn't have any company In the
kitchen while was out. KaticY "Yis
mum: that's what said" But smell
the tobacco from a pipe all through the
house." "Yls. mum; the policeman wal
In for half an hour. mum, but we were
In the parlor. Statesman.
Mrs. CObwigger--"I've been reading
an article entitled VIII the New Wo
man Smoker What do you think. IN!
dear?" CObwigger-"If she does shell
soon die out" Mrs. Cobwigger--"HOv
so" CObwigger-"Because she'll bu!
bargain counter cigars ut 10 cents
box."-New York Journal.
what would you do II turned yo'
down. she shyly asked. as they sat OF
the sofa. The young man loOke'
straight ahead, but said nothing. Ate
n silence lasting about a minute and |
half bcnudged him with her elbow ant
said. Didn't you hear my question!
He looked around, alarmed. II be-
your pardon" he replied; Il though
you we're addressing the gas.'-Puck.
Last night" said the Pessimist, g
went all over this town trying to fnl
person who seemed to be enjoying him
self" How many did you lind:
Not one" said the Pessimist, gloOmily
III you had come w 10 my room abOu
twelvc.thirty," remarked the Optlmis'
.yOu might have seen one" 'Humph,
said the Pessimist, land what We're yO
dOlngy' II was asleep" said the OI
timist.--Boston Budget.