The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1897-04-02

know 'em. l disremember all of the
about 'em, but the centerpiece of the
work run somthin' like this:
"They war an awful hungry lot,
And havin' nothin' much to do,
Invaygled the tars-the sun was hot
Into a nice, seclooded spot,
Then ate that gallant crew.
"Her Majesty missed a reception on
account of that, and the foreign secre-
tary missed two first-class races. Then
a cruiser went down there on business,
but the captain, not bein' onto his job,
was shortly on the rocks, and when the
men swan ashore, the heather met
'em with a hearty reception. And it
was awful annoyin' after that to the
people on the English boats that went
sailin' by to see them savvidges asst
tim on the rocks and sunnin' them
selves, dressed in British naval uni
forms and sarcastic smiles. And the
foreign secretary had taken to his bed.
So the papers said.
"We reached London and Absalom
put on his best store suit to go up to
SSc Tic SCSlCtelSs AAS Put OAAS
leg of his trousers outside his boot and
one inside, for don't know he says,
how the foreign secretary has his'n.'
You see, Absalom Biggs could carry
water on both shoulders about as well
as anybody. We had to pass about
twenty secretaries and assistant secre-
taries, and every blessed one of 'em
had an objection, but Absalom out
maneuvered all Of 'em. The foreign
secretary was sittin' in chair as if it
had been built up around him. What
do you wantY said he, lookin' at his
watch. Permission says Absa1om,
to catch Wally Bo Logn and his canny-
bals.' You have It, said the secretary,
and If you are successful her Majesty
will be pleased to extend to you her
grateful thanks and gracious commen-
dation.' And what might that COM
bination be worthY asked Absalom
Biggs. Ten thousand pounds said the
secretary, shortly. When we had a
note to that effect we left.
$50 we sailed down the African coast
with a cargo part of rum and part of
water. We had no firearms. .Ammy-
nition,' said Absalom, costs money I
didn't understand his plan. Once after
a trader had tried to do business and
Wally Bo Logn at the same time with
rum, but that sly old chap ate the
trader first and drank his rum after
ward. Business before pleasure re-
marked Wally Bo Logn.
eve went inshore at night by the
dark Of the moon and while the heath
en- was sleepin' we lightered that rum
to land. And then at daybreak we
stood off. There along the beach, stood
barrel after barrel of rum. And every
barrel had spigot and bright new
tin cup, chained fast, for tin cups cost
money was what Absalom said.
'The heather came down to look at
the brig and speculate about the
chances for breakfast; the tin cups
caught their eye, and then, pretty soon,
the rum caught them. Absalom stood
on the upper deck and watched them:
They're strong in the body but weak
in the head Then he went down be-
low and read his Pilgrims Progress
and Guide to Wealth.
''In the afternoon Absalom Biggs sur
veyed the scene again. He seemed
kind Of pleased. And, finally, when
Wally Bo Logn got his marine cap
jammed down over his eyes and his
lieutenant's sword tangled up with his
legs and sat down to unmix himself,
Absalom ordered out the boats. Take
care of all of them that can't take care
of themselves kindly said he. By
nightfall we had all the hea then care
fully slowed below.
These are your Instructions: Keep
the brig out of sight of land until fur
ther notice. And Absalom went back
to his Guide to Wealth.
I'VE sailed up and we sailed down.
We tackled this way and that, and
roamed around at our own free will.
One more order we had from Absa1om:
All you need give the savvidges Is
plenty of water and room to play. No
rum,' he added, absent-mindedly, for
rum costs money And then l heard
him chuckle again and say: They're
strong in the body, though weak in the
head
"Wen, we went on a-sailin'. And
Absalom consulted me just once more.
What do you know about 'rithmetical
retrogression? he asked me. l was
young in those days-almost young
enough to know everything and, hav-
in the cannybals on my mind, I an
swered up smartly: The water is
leetle brackish, but the harbor is fair
and there are plenty of palms. 1t
hadn't any inhabitants the last time
was there Never mind he said; IF
you take 760 and divide it in two, and
then every four days cut your f1ggers
down one-half, how long'l it be until
you have only oner Bein'a little weak
on figgers, said nothing. And then he
fell to cipherin'.
"But finally, one day after he had
held a deep consultation with the al
manac, our course was laid for Lon
don. The morning we went up the
Thames Absaiom's interest in our cargo
came to life. He lifted up the hatch,
careless like, and after bit Wally Bo
Logn's black head appeared. Now,
through livin' with and on mission
aries Mr.. Bo Logn could speak En-
glish. We're goin' ashore said Absa-
lom. TO eatY asked Wally Bo Logn.
Yes replied Absalom, and Wally nod
ded his head. So we disguised him
with a linen duster that fitted him rath-
er soon, and added some other clothes
by way Of adornment; then up went we
to the foreign secretary. Between
you'n me, he's better man to do busi-
ness with than the lord high admiral,
not havin' so many titles. The first
assistant to somethin' stood In the
doorway with his nose tilted skyward.