The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1897-01-18

ONE OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE MAN.
AGEMENT CT CHILDREN.

Control XOurse1f-Little Ones Are Apt
to Follow Examples Get Before Them.
Some one who was wisr in these matters
told me once an unfailing test of teacher
who had control of her pupils IF, said
she, "the teachers voice is raised rs her
pupils become mischievous, then you may
be sure that she cannot control them. If,
on the contrary, her voice gets lower, you
may be sure that she can"
OF course tho truth at the bottom of this
Is that no one can control others who cam
not first control herself, and Of course also
the rule applies as much to mothers as to
teachers. For my part, know that when
/ begin to shout at my children, as in mo-
ments of extreme irritation l have been
known to do that Is the time for me to go
away and leave them to their own devices,
for they are quite as fit to take care Of
themselves as l am to take care of them,
for, If pluck not the beam from my own
eye, how can see to pluck the mote from
my child'sg Loss of self control in an
adult who has dared to assume the respon
sibilities of parenthood is a beam compared
with which loss of control in q child is
mote. If, then, the mother, together with
her child, has fallen into passion, let her
remove herself as she would any other
temptation.
Ther9 are several advantages to such
plan The mother, in solitude and quiet
has changed her environment and given
herself time and opportunity to regain tho
lost control. She has put herself out of
the way of dealing hastily and harshly
with her child. Moreover, she has coun-
teracted the evil example of temper that
she has set him by the example of II strong
and consistent effort at self control. For
the benefit of mothers who fail often in
their children sight, owing either to orig
inal infirnity of temper or to i'll health or
morbid nerves or to financial or domestic
worries, L want to say that l solemnly be-
lieye that that mother who let's her chill
dren see her grow, admits them into her
confidence as to her struggles to attain
righteousness, Is to the full as helpful as
one who has attained and who seems to
her desparing children to be far beyond
their power of imitation. She is n million
miles in advance of the self satisfied moth
er, with rigid system, who never makes
any mistakes and whose word is law.
There is an odium about this character
that even her own children detest and
shrink from.
All of which signifies that because you
recognize yourself to be very imperfect
being you are not therefore to give up
in despair the effort to be good mother.
Neither are you to allow your annoyances
at your state of imperfection to make you
irritable and morbid. And, on the other
hand, you are not to attempt to cover UP
your sins of omission and commission
from the eyes of your child, thus adding
= .~%Ia I,.&
are tn get the good of your imperfections
by acknowledging it and calling upon
your children to help you overcome 1t.
Thus will they be encouraged to enter up
ON the moral struggle.
This Is the main point, after all-that
our children shall begin Of their own free
will to attempt the struggle for righteous
ness. 1t is not half SO important that all
their acts be righteous, which might hap
pen from lack of temptation from desire
of approval or from love of peace and har-
nony, none of them very righteous mo-
tive, as it is that they shall seek the king
dom of God and it's righteousness with all
their hearts All these other daily little
goodnesses will then be added unto them.
The mother who draws them into this
seeking by the magnetism of her own daily
and hourly search need not fret if she her
self has not yet reached the point of hav-
ing all other things added unto her. Her
faith, her courage, her constant effort, her
honesty of acknowledgment and repent
ance, these are things by which any moth
or, however foolish and weak and over
borne can make sure of helping her child
upward perhaps-even probably-to a
path higher than that on which she walks
herself.
There Is one practical rule to be deduced
from all this: When your voice begins tc
rise, when your muscles grow rigid and
your lips thin, when you feel hot flush
creep over you, or If you shut your jaws
hard and feel very dignifed and silent and
think of yourself as the one righteous and
abused person in the room, then leave that
room and leave the thoughts that you are
cherishing and do not go back again unit
you can feel peace and love return to you
What if during your absence pandemo
mum reigns and precious things get bro
ken and the children fight each other
When you take yourself away, you tak'
away one disturbing element, which can
not fail by Its presence to make matters
worse. Angry yourself, you cannot quel
disturbance except by wrong means.
Leave the house, If necessary, and stay
away until you have mastered yourself, or
better still, until you have submitted your
self to God, and he has mastered you. L
the children know why you have gone; II
on one or two occasions, they see you CONF
back in an hour or two, humbled ant
sweetened and strengthened, 1t will not b.
long before the mere fact of your with
drawal will work moral revolution, ant
the strong initiative faculty Of the children
will cause them to strive also for self con
troll.
1 have seen baby who was yet creep
ing, under the inspiration of such an ex
ample, creep away from one who hat
aroused his anger and weep by himself IL
another room. And know woman VIII,
had herself quick temper and was borl
of quick tempered mother who said tina
when the two tempers FLASHED her mothe
used to lock herself in her room, and tina
the closed door, behind which she knew
there was noble struggle going on, ha,
been one Of the strongest influences of he
life.
The rule is simple and easy to remem
Der, though hard enough to obey. Neve