The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-08-11
HUMoR Of THE DAY.

It's astonishing how much patience
some people have with themselves. -
Puck.
He-"Why does Miss Van Peet have
an English footman?" She-"Oh, !
suppose she wants to learn the Ian.
guage. Truth.
He-"Why do women misrepresent
their age?" She-"They don't II
they misrepresent anything it is their
youth, Brooklyn Life.
"What makes you think he is in
love with you? The way he be-
haved?" "No The way he misbe.
haved. indianapolis Journal.
The COUNT have won and lost
several fortunes" Miss Brightly
"Yes-and l felt so sorry when your
last fiancee broke her engagement. -
Puck.
She-''It's funny, but all the time !
have known Mr.. Tigg he never has
paid me n compliment. He-"Tigg
never pays anybody anything. "-Bos-
ton Transcript
81 believe Goodluck has got an in
crease of salary. What was it for
extra work?" eyes! He always lis
tens when the boss tells the smart
things his kid says, "-Tit-Bits
''I am told your wife would rather
cook than eat. The other man
glanced nervously over her shoulder.
"What she cooks, yes, he replied in
hoarse whisper. Detroit Journal.
Spudds-"Young Hawkins seems
very pensive tonight. Do you sup
pose that he has fallen in love?"
Spatts-"Oh, no. He is only break
ing in pair of tight shoes. Judge.
''Baw Jove, have heard that you
said L was monomaniac. mel
never. A monomaniac is man of one
idea. If you are anything, you must
be nonomaniac. indianapolis Jour.
nal.
Freddie-"Oh, pa! the goat swal.
lowed my big fire-cracker. Cobwig'
ger-"Well, that's nothing to be cry.
ing about" Freddie-"Y it was,
pa The thing never went Off -
Judge.
Collector-''NIr. Gills, 1 am sorry
to have to ask you to pay this little
bill. Gills-''Are You, my boy? Well,
L can sympathize with you from the
bottom of my heart. am sorry you
have to ask me. ."--Standard.
''We rest" said the distinguished
lawyer for the defense can such is
life, " added Raggsy Rufus, recounting
the circumstance to Plodding Pete;
"we rest, and git the dog set on us.
He rests, and gifts paid fur doin' itl''
Truth.
"There seems to be great deal of
trouble connected with Office holding, "
remarked the man who observes.
'No, replied the aspirant. "Otfice
holding is easy enough. It's Office
getting that causes the difficulty. -
Washington Star
Tourist lin Il coal mine, after pass
ing around cigars -" Everything
seems to be wet and damp. Where
can strike match?" Miner
"Roight here, sir. Dinnis, lift tn
rubber cloth olrcn tn powder kegW-
New York Weekly.
"Simplex answered an advertise
ment in which somebody offered to
sell him the secret for preventing
trousers from getting fringes around
the bottom" "What did they tell
him?" "To wear knickerbockers. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer
els there an opening here for an in
tellectual writer?" asked seedy, red
nosed individual of the editor Eyes
my friend, replied the man of letters
"a considerate carpenter, foreseeinG
your visit, left an opening for you
turn the knob to the right. "-Tit-Bits
81 do my best not to be envious,
said the nervous man, "but sometimes
can't help it. "Why, you neve
manifest much covetousness. " ''No
l don't covet. But whenever tn,
Fourth of July comes around l can
see deaf and dumb, man without be
ing jealous, Washington Star,
Bring me, said the Irish gentle
man, as he pointed to the Holsters il
the show-windows, "bring me wan a
! them infor-rmers. "Why do yol
call them informers, Casey?" aske,
his companion. "Bedad, they wea
tn green to begin wild, and put ON tn
red coat as soon as they get into ho
wather. indianapolis Journal.
eyes, " said the new arrival, II an
greatly surprised greatly surprised
indeed. had expected to find thing
here very different from what the
are" "Why?" exclaimed several c
the girls in chorus; "don't the hott
and its surroundings look as they wer
pictured in the circular you received?
''They do. That's what surprises me.
! CLEVELAND Lender