The Monitor-register., 1897-04-30

for two days to sustain life was a half.
barrel of pickled pigs feet"
"You we're, indeed" said the Cheerful
Idiot, "reduced to extremities. Indian
Gpolis Journal.
x*
Sweet Girl Cautiously )-"Did Fred-I
mean Mr.. Nicefellow-call to see you
to day, papa?
Papa-'Yes, And to oblige him | con
sented. 1 suppose time hangs heavily,
on his hands,"
Sweet Girl (mystifi od)-"Why-why
what did he say ?"
Papa-"He requested the pleasure of a
series of games of chess with me. The
first ones we will play this evening, and
after that every third evening during the
winter. | hope, my dear, you will keep
out of the library. as chess is a very |
absorbing occupation."-M. ?. Weekly.
~
Teacher-Where were you yesterday?
Pupil (whimpering>-It was all Billy
Smiths fault. He hipnertized me an
made me go fishin' with him .-PAiladel
phi0 Press.
~ 4
Ibid you tell papa how tender your
love is for me, darling?"
81 did, sweetheart, but he gave me the
laugh and said that it was legal tender
be wanted to see before he could do bust
ess."-Detro3 Free Press.
nv
Theatrical Manager Ito applicant for a
iob)-''So you think you would make a
good advance agent, eh Well, we play
Hamlet at Willywinkus, N. j., one
night next week. Suppose l should send
you ahead of the show to work in its
interest there. What would you do
first ?"
Applicant-'Buy up all the eggs."-
Grooming, King d Co.'S Monthly
Nv
81 know" said Mrs. Barlow, shat it
isn't Billy that is quarrelsome. Why, he
will play here all day by himself, and 1
never heal a word; but just as soon as
some little boy comes there is a fight
going wallpapers Bazaar.
Nv
Husband-"You're not economical"
Wife-"Well, if you don't call a
woman economical who saves her we'd
ding dress for a possible second marriage,
I'd like to know what you think economy
is."-Mel5ourne Punch.
Nv
She hesitsted and asked for little time
for consultation
"Why, certainly" he said; "there is
no hurry about this matter. If you de-
sire to consult your parents"-
"Don't you believe it for a moment"
she interrupted, firmly; II want to con-
suit 'Bradstreet's.'"
And he threw up the sponge and went
out into the night.-Chicago Times
Herald.
~
Maude-Charley stole a kiss from me
last evening.
Aunt Kate-The villain! What did
you do?
Maude-I was awfully angry with him
at first; but when he said he stole it only
that he might give it to a poor girl who
never had any kisses, then l couldn't help
seeing what a noble man he was. So l
told him if be thought that poor girl was
really destitute, he might as we'll take
another one for her.-Boston TraGscrSpt.
Nv
A Swede went into a lawyers office at
Sigourney the other day to get him to
make a conveyance for some land which
he had purchased He said be wanted q
mortgage, but the lawyer said he should
have a warranty deed. 'No," replied
the Swede. 81 once had a warranty deed
to a farm, but another man held a mort
gage and got the land. 1 wait a mort
gage."-W elIman Aduance.
x*
Jessie-"I'm sorry. Edwin, but l will
be a sister to you"
Edwin-"All right. Just mend these
gloves and brush off my coat, will youS
I'll send around some handkerchiefs to
mark and some socks to darn in the
morning IN. Z. Ledger.
~
He-I am half lead to day.
She-That is jut like you. You never
do anything thoroughly .-hdianapolis
Journal.
Amy-Msbel, do you ever think about
marriageP
Mabel-Think is no name for it. l
worry.-Harlem Life.
~
Teacher-What did Christian do when
he got to Hill Difficulty Z?
Chorus of Pupils-Got off his bike
Boston Eoening Telegraph.
~
Mr.. Newhub-Wh hat does it mean when |
a bride promises to obey?
Mrs. Newhub-Simply that she prefers
not to make a scene.-Puck.
NV
Scribbler-I've been suffering a good
deal lately with writer's cramp.