Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-10-24


triumph, the neighbors, knowing ~
stinctively that he has never voted IN
their precinct before, hall the epon
NANNY and ask whose baby IL is tn&t
thus triumpbantly goeth forth, with
besiobbered veil and garments OF purple
and fine linen. When they are told a
autter of excitement darts throughout
their houses and the little pilgrim IL
snatched up and an inventory OF It's per-
son made He will be thumbed and
thumped like Jackson watermelon, ana
were II practicable he would likewise
be p,ugeed. His scalp and his feet are
examined. as are also the dimply legs
and the starchy throat and the mushy
hands and the fuzzy skull. Then the
clothing of life's little pilgrim are sub
jected to q microscopic inspection and
their cost calculated. Last, but oy no
means least, the future consumer OF
soothing syrup is compared to the baby
In their own homes and found wanting
in every possible respect j, VIII be
limited that he is short In weight and
measurements; that he threatens TO be
cross-eyed. and has symptoms Of pro-
spective bow-leggedness: that ne Is an
ugly likeness of his father and has his
mothers big mouth--in short, that he's
no good, any way you take him, end
not fitting to trot In the same class with
their youngster. And all the while. the
goggle-eyed, nappy-headed. slewfooted
colored nurse is mentally taking steno-
graphic report of the criticisms and
storing them UP to be told upon the now
baby's return to its expectant domlcile.
Those who comment adversely on the
tactical glutton are sweetly unconscious
Of this Afro-Amerlcan's gigantic memory
and they think they have shrewdiy
covered up their tracks when they send
word to the loving mother that the Infant
Is the finest they have ever seen. and
that they would like. above all things.
to have him.
Thus the squshy, slumbering, slob-
bering squnter makes the rounds,
serenely unconscious and sublimely still.
At the Threshold he is met by his
mother, and the nurse Is called upon 10
transcribe the mental stenographic notes
which she has taken. And as she sub
mits her verbatim reports. the young
parent shifts and snorts and paws the
ground and flashes lightnings from her
eyes and twists her handkerchief around
thumb and exclaiIns: "Who cares for
their opinion, anyhow; IL my baby
weren't better than their measly. little.
old thing, I'd drown him like a kitten"
And then, brimful ana frothing over
with Indignation, the young mother pre-
pares to have a 5-oclock tea, to which
she fails to invite the neighbors who
have commented on her precious on
spring.
Blest be the maid who plays and sings
and is willing to show her accomplish
ments at evening entertainments. when
the company are sleepy and noise is the
only thing that can arouse them. Thrice
blest be she who promptly accedes TO
such requests, and has not to be priced
upon from her place Of mooring with
crowbar. like the Confederate war-horse
when called TO battle. Sanctifed and
holy be she who consents TO sing second
song without beseechngs on Bonded knee
and notwithstanding the absence Of her
indispensable notes" We ask her pot
to be Patti nor yet a PaderewsN and,
rejoicing in her sweet acquiescence we
are grateful for her poorest effort. After
ALL ii is the individuality OF the girl that
we admire, and whatever her musical
defects, we love her for her Willingness
TO please. If we are drowsy, we are
willing TO arouse ourselves and tn lavish
all honors on her, for such girl is dear
and has a heart that's located In the
right place. And ten to one the sweet
ness Of that girls character Is evidenced
In her voice. II she is young and no
body's looking, l want to kiss Der next
summer when / send my people to the
country.
And what tribute can we pay TO the
mute mocking-bird that can neither be
coaxed nor bulldozed into song, because.
forsooth, she'll strain her voice. or her
music isn't with her. or the piano is out
OF tune. Let us give her kit with all
the musical necessaries, and lay down
our coats for her to tread on, If only
she consents TO please us. Give me your
female Frank Cunninghams, with voices
pro bono publico and capacious hearts
that include us all and win us with their
irresistible kindness.
Robert Epps, "of color" as the darkies
express IL, barely missed being a great
man, but q miss is as good as mile,
and for the next six months he will be
member of that delightful personnel that
tarries at the City Jail. He has good
education and an oily address. end is
past grand master in the occult science
OF mendacity. Years ago, when he was
somewhere in the neighborhood IS, he
decided to select the law as his profess
sion, and becoming a disciple Of Giles b.
Jackson, he lay for weeks at the feet
OF that great jurist and heard the words
of wisdom which fell from the aforesaid
Jacksons lips. On evenings mild, wien
the outer world was frittering away its
time in idle frivolities, Robert Epps was
drinking-nay, swilling-from the Jack
sonian fountain Of knowledge. The sub
tie distinctions between remainders and
reVersions were elucieated to his recep-
tive ears, and he soon learned 10 handle
corpus deltis and absque hoes with an
easy grace that was simply charming.
Great was the love of the teacher fcr
his pupil, and sublime was the admira-
ton OF the pupil FOR his great preceptor.
But, alas! even admiration can oyerstep
its mark, and the end came. One SAD
day, when Giles had carefully wiped his
pens on his curling locks and retired to
the bosom Of his mpitifarious and ever
multiplying family, Robert was seized
with the lust of imitation, and Rrasping
the carefully wiped pens above alluded
TO. he produced q splendid imitation OF
Giles's signature at the bottom OF check
for ten pieces OF silver. So splendid
was the work that the genial preceptor
was slow TO realize the fraud, but quick
to miss the silver. When II ali dawned
upon him, Giles arose in a cloud Of hun-
derors wrath. In stern tones he grimly
exclaimed: I'm hoe signo vinces.' which |
being interpreted TO the initiative pupil, !
signlfed: by my invincible signet ring |
IN put you in hook" And Robert did |
three years In stripes and had RE- |
morse with every letter in blazing caps. |
xVhaa oanna forth from the UrisOu /