Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-08-18
SPINNING WHEEL.

An Irish laborer was seen standing last
Saturday night gazing at the window OF
a large clothing house, which was filled
with most tempting array of suits at
ruinously low prices. After lengthy III
spection he was heard to mutter. Us lie
gave his oyeralls a hitch: ''Bedad! Shure,
an cloes is gittin' so dom chape ON
ashamed to driss mesilf oop.'--Kansas
City Star.
The fellow who gets two weeks va
cation usually has enough to contend With
in the shortness of his holidays, without
being subjected to a wholesale crOss-eH-
animation at the hands of his numerous
solicitous friends when he gets back. There
is always the chap who insists upon firing
the same old stock questions and making
the Sa4e trlte comments, until the poor
devil who has just returned to work
grows decidedly weary. One of these
came back to town a couple of days
ago, and Immediately upon his reappear-
ance in his favorite haunts it was: Hell
10, old man! Been away or Pretty
well sun-burned, amt you? Where have
you been? Have a good timer and
host of other tiresOme greetings embel-
lished with interrogation points. The
second day he determined to save his
breath and to all his anxious friends he
handed a card on which he had written:
Eyes, | have been away. / spent my va
cation at Atlantic City. l had good
time l know [ am sunburned. l agree,
with you that l am looking better than
before | went away. | noticed that 1t
rained considerably I didn't go fishing.
Any queries not answered here will be at
tended to by mail, upon receipt of
stamped and addressed envelope" The
scheme has worked very well.-Philadel-
phia Record.
A Thin Excuse.-Deacon Hasbeen
Qaying down his paper)-"I have just
been reading that alcohol will remove
grass stains from the most delicate fab
ric.' Mrs. Hasbeen (severely)-"There
you go again, Jason, trying to find some
excuse! Just remember that you have
no grass stains IN your stomach. Puck.
In discussing social foibles the "Idler"
of the Evening Post says he was told
not long ago of a newly enriched lady
who, on being asked why she never took
any one driving with her in her hand
some carriage, answered: IF | took
any one with me. people would not know
the carriage belonged to me-" Even
our wise men and SageS do not seem to
have entirely escaped the cOntagion of
the craving of distinction even of the
poorest sort, for one sees honest old pro-
fessOrs and clergymen (who ought to
know better lacking half a dozen or
more letters after their names. which,
doubtless, to the initiated mean some
thing, and are intended to fill the souls
of their fellOWWorkerS with envy. Il
can recall only one case of an honor of
this kind being refused. 1t was by
genius, and we all know that they are
crazy. This particular one had done
something very gratifying to an Eastern
potentate, who in return offered him one
of his second-best orders. 1t was at first
refused, then urged upon our genius. who
finally lost his temper and answered: If
you want to give it to some one. give it
to my valet. He is dying to be decOrat-
ed And it was done!''
So Natural.-"Oh do look at that dear
little lambr' said Frances, on seeing a
young lamb for the first time in her life.
Isn't it pretty?" asked mamma. Yes;
like toy lamb, and has the same sort of
wool on its back. Judge.
-:o:-
This continued whiting down of prices
reminds me of the man who had a big
trade on Albata spoons, and he insisted
that he must have a better price. The
manufacturer said he could not make any
reduction, unless he put il more lead.
The merchant said, "All right; use more
ed another reduction, and he got the same
answer from the manufacturer. lie got
instructions from the merchant TO Use
more lead. as he must have the spoons
at a less price. Still he was not hap
Ply, and wanted another reduction. The
manufacturer informed him that it was
impossible; that he could not make any
lower price. The merchant wrote back
and said. Put in more lead" The
manufacturer answered and said, Il can't
do it. as the last lot [ sent you were all
lead" We must admit that many goods
have been reduced in price from time to
time. either by the opportunities of deal
ers, or willingly by the manufacturer, I'M
til the quality is like the last lot of
spoons. Hardware.
Miss Della Creme (wearily)-'I know
everything we eat is adulterated; but
what can we do, Reginald? We must
trust our grocer" Reginald Creme
(drearily)-"Ah, yes, Della, very true;
trust usr'-Tit-Bits.
81 have heard and read many pathetic
stories," said Senator Hoar the other
day, but none of them ever awoke SO
much sad sympathy as one which Pref.
Gallaudet related. The professor has a
favorite pupil, little deaf mute boy, ex-
c6DllOudlly DIISut. MI. dShGu
him ii he knew the story Of George
Washington and the cherry tree. With
his nimble fingers the little one said he
did, and then he proceeded to repeat it.
The noiseless gesticulations continued I'M
til the boy had informed the professor Of
the elder Washington's discovery of the
mutilated tree and of his quest for the
mutilator. When Georges father asked
him who hacked his fayorite cherry tree,
signaled the voiceless child, George put
his Ratchet in his left hand Stop in
terrupted the professor. Where did YOU
get your authority for saying he took the
Ratchet in his left hand? Why re-
sponded the boy, he needed his right hand
to tell his father that he cut the tree -
-:O:-
One Exception.-'"The good die young"
said the casual caller. apropos of any
old thing. They may if they are chick
ems" said the editor. but if they are
jokes they do not. Truth.
cO1Orpd eXhortaI. on Ia rUinp on tho i'm