The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1897-03-07
THE REVOLT OF BABY.
INFANTILE WRONGS IsCUSSED IN
CONyENTiON.
Like the Mothers Congress-Intcnd IL
Have Their Their Rights-No moro
Suppression Nor safety Pins

| were screened by bOln-i H'iuN
and lonely fringe OF weary ioohins yer
low hair stood in single hie ABOVE very
! bulging forehead. The BABY from boS-
4 ton was not beauiifuI.
But she fairly iTradiated intehectuai SUI
| perlority. The babies con'eheu III 'ne
of the prettiest parks In Washihs'o" vi
a shady spot near the FOUNTAIN VIC
| the goldfish lickercd TO ana ITO anu TIC
ferns waved in verdant luxuriance-
The convention was an international az
fair. A delegate from every embassy
was present. The Americans were nc
| babies Of Senators and sich.
Their time was limited to the moments
given over by their respective nurses TO
| flirting with. tho policemen. Consequent
| ly. they only had from 10 i III WHICH
20 discuss their wrongs.
The Boston baby raped on the park
bench with her rattle 10 call the con-
yention 10 order.
"Ladies-"
Her wondering blue eyes stopped sud-
| denly I'm their tour of the audience.
Il believe YOU are gentleman she
said. addressing a fat baby In RULED
cap, who sat bolt upright in his wicker
carriage. The fat baby looked question
ingly around at the cap-framed faces
turned toward him, and answered sorrow
fully:
Yes. I am a gentleman.
"Ah." said the Boston baby with little
frigid smile, IL thought as much. Ladies
| and gentlemen: We have called this con-
vention. as most Of you are doubtless
aware. 10 agitate the course Of the babies.
! We have heard, or. we would say IN
dear Boston. we have been given oral
demonstration. that Sons and Daughters
hold meetings. that Women and Men
meet that even Boys and Girls organize,
so now / ask you, why should We not
amalgamate?"
DEMANDING BABIES RIGHTS.
AS there IS but one Boston, so was
there but orc Boston baby present at the
meeting. and as she was the only one
who knew what amalgamate meant no
one entered into the discussion.
"Ve are supposed continued the Bos-
ton baby. in whitening tones, Ito be the
king with a glance at the fat baby in the
carriage) and queens OF homes We are
called dumplings and darlings and other
saccharine eplthets. AT other times We
are called tyrant and incubus. Our faith
ers are pictured as walking the floor at
night with US. while our mothers make
US the excuse for every duty they don't
want to do, every engagement they don t
want to Keep. and every caller they dom
want 10 see.
we lave been the innocent cause OF
many strange goings on in society. my
friends. In fact. l can say, from my per-
sonai experience. that my mother missed
two very important meetings at her
Browning Club when 7 was teething. To
Ia4r n m
cut that tooth Indeed all the help l
received would not have cut melted but
ter but she stayed at home. and infor-
nation afterward percolated into the nur-
sory to me that the Browning Club had
voted me an imposter. an interloper. and
other olious and extraordinary things.
To mako I'D for her absence at the Brow
ming Club my mother wrote poem 10
read AT tho next meeting. With your
kind permission / will repeat II.
Let every sound be dead.
Baby sleeps.
The Emperor softly tread.
Baby sleeps.
Let Mozarts music stop,
Let Phidias' chisel drop,
Baby sleeps.
That" said the Boston baby. is
satire Personally, / can see no fun IN
fl. But perhaps our vice-president from
New York viii say a few words"
A BIT OF AN ARGUMENT ARISES.
Thus introduced, the baby from New
York took the chair She had a frock
which made the cupid under the fountain
SIGH with envy, and she plunged head
first into the discussion.
I'VE have suffered for many years
through q system Of suppression" she
began bravely.
Oppression whispered the Boston
baby.
by a system OF suppression" contin-
ued the New York baby with emphasis,
land under it we have degenerated phys
ically so that now we actually have to
be taught 10 walk"
Every true" asserted the baby from
Spain.
Not true at all | never was taught
to walk" said the pg-tailed baby.
"But you ought TO DO glad you are Nv
ing" retorted tho New York baby. Why
in your country l have heard that ba-
bies Of your sex are smothered in tow
ers Of lime before they reach years OF
discussion
murely. chat II Is Il very peaceful land.
Now the savage baby runs about alone
when one day old" continued the New
York baby, "and is studying law at one
year. The savage baby believes In rad
ical dress. and a wreath of bay leaves
Is quite sufficient for her at all seasons.
Safety-plns. warranted-not-to-pun
have no place I'm her life. and In her code
of rights tbcre e. no such word as don l..
But We have made strides we have pro-
crossed some already. ! distinctly recall
when l wore long skirts, when TO keep
me quiet / was given a gag in the shape
Of a sugar plum
The masculine baby had the audacty
to smile.
"But such things do not exist now.
Imagine thu enormity OF running teeth
before they have come in.
THE FOOD QUESTION SETTLED.
A dimpled cherub from Detroit here
llsped sweetly that she wished the Presi-
dent would agiiate the food question. Il
am so much interested I'm IT, she said
with a sigh
Me too" came a chorus from all parts
Of the assembly.
ut IS indeed vital question: said the
Boston baby. Now what do We get?
Cruel and milk-if we live in Harlem
flats. condensed milk-but the spice of
life IS lacking What would you ike TO
eat II you had your choiceY
Pumpkin pie" said pink and white
person from Maine.
Corn pones." said n sloe-eyed magno-
ua-tinted baby from way down souf."
A smile OF ecstacy fitted over the Bos-
- "a .rHfa Ia. nj