The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1897-03-05
NUMBER 3.
A COSTLY KISS.


| Branns 1cOnoclast.
A petit jury has just returned a ver-
dict against Missouri jay in the sum
OF 5000 for kissing u woman against
her will. Here's a pretty kettle OF
fish! When asked to Osculate a wO.
man invariably declines. She resists
pressure and says, please DON'T
even threatens to scream. How is a
fellow to know whether she means it,
or Is merely making grand stand
play? Not every man is a mind reader.
A fellow hates to overlook bet, and
be voted variegatcd chump by wo.
man, who has had her mouth puck
cred for him for week; yet If he
swOops down upon the sweetness like
a drunken bumble-bee rltiing rcd
holly.hock, his pleasure is marred by
visions OF damage suits and public
ridlcule, That must give us pause
and leave half OF the country tn
70 ungathercd. Five thousand dol.
lars for one kss-when the miscra.
BILE usher has oOdlcs Of 'em in stock,
which she was wasting on other wo.
men and collcky kids. 1t doesn't look
right. Five thousand-and we don't
know whether lie placed it where it
would do the most good, lost it among
her bangs, as Is the custom OF big
brothers, or slid it down her neck a la
the heroes OF the stage. It's not even
stated whether he Snatchcd it on the
ny, like a man reaching for railroad
lunch, or took half an hour to let the
sweetness soak in. | have not read
the evidence submitted to the court,
and know not upon what the plaintiff
based her plea for damagcs-whether
1t was the kiss per sc or the manner
in which the goods were delivered
that constituted the casus bclli.
rather suspect, however, that the dc.
fendant wore mustache through
which lie had been straining lager
beer and mock turtle soup; that he
grabbed plaintiff like boy at a coun.
try fair Seizes the shOat, musscd her
hair, deranged her ribbons and crum.
pied her dress, only to leave on her
larboard cheek, red spot smelling OF
plug tobacco, brillantine and booze.
Under such circumstances a woman
should be awarded million dollars
and instructed to collect it with a
shot gun. The Missouri verdict Is a
dangerous precedent, no doubt; still
the man who knows exactly how to
kiss Il pretty woman VIII seldom get
into court. Due preparation should
be made for the sacred rite by calso-
mining the teeth, sand papering the
chin and disnfecting the breath.
'Thcn catch your hare" Lead her
into the dewy garden about II p. M.
and watch until the moon slides be-
hind cloud. Then slip one arm
around her tapcrcd waist and draw
her firmly but gently to your briskct.
or course she will murmur "dOn't,"
but don't mind Tilt her chin at an
angle Of forty-tive degrccs-not sud-
denly as though you were trying TO
crack her neck; but adrOitly, imper-
ceptibly. Don't be in hurry. Give
her time to wonder what is going to
happen next. BE sure that the bull
dog is tied and the old man is COM
fortably settled for the night. A fel-
lows nerves must be in good condi-
tion to really enjoy kiss. Now's
your time. Don't pick at the pcrsim-
mon like a Shanghai chicken picking
up corn, but settle down on her lips
like a carrier pigeon coming home to
roOst. Don't be in u hurry. She
wants to call you naughty man."
threatens to "tell ma," but don't give
her a chance. She'll forget it il you
only keep her mouth otherwise en-
gagged until the moon pops out from
behind the cloud or course she will
say you were the first man that ever
kissed her-but you amt. She'll pro-
test that she is real angry, but she'll
not sue you for damages She'll lie
too busy looking for another cloud to
even think about the courts.