The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-12-08
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

81 want a dollar, Jones, and I want
it bad. can right; take this counter
felt. Harlem Life
"a splendid ear, but very poor
voice." as the organ grinder said to
the donkey. Tit-Bits.
''I suppose your brother has quite
given up his walking expeditions now
that he has cycle. Yes, he has
broken his left leg. Standard
cat what age were you married?"
she asked, inquisitively. But the
other lady was equal to the emergency
and quietly responded "At the par
sonage. "
Mrs Sprockett-"I'll give you some
thing to eat if you'll do some work for
me-" Willie-"Saw wood, l s'pose?"
Mrs. ISprockett-"No, clean my
wheel. Judge.
Hunter-'There goes Durham; he's
onlya milkman, and yet he always acts
as if he wanted the earth" Punter-
"That's natural enough he knows it's
three-fourths water"
Dorothy had just been stung by
wasp. 81 wouldn't IA minded its
walking ali over my hand, she said
between her sobs, Cliff it hadn't sat
down so hard. "-Pittsburg Bulletin.
Caller-"Nellie, is your mother inP"
Nellie Mother is out shopping"
Caller-"When will she return, Nell
lie?" Nellie calling back j." Mamma,
what shall 1 say now?" ?"-Harper's
Bazaar.
Mamma" said the pretty young
parvenue, "what do they mean by cod
fish aristocracy?" 81 don't know,
DEAR" replied her mother, placidly,
"'less it's folks that pay fer every
thing G. o. d. Washington Capital.
He (at the hotel table)-"Tve often
wondered how these walters can re-
member so many orders at once.
know now" She (who had often won
dered the same thing )-"Oh, do you?
How can they remember so much?"
He (triumphautly) They don't. -
Detroit Free Press.
Miss Meadowsweet-"E Excuse my
ignorance, but ought to call you Mr..
Squills or DIR. Squius?' The Doctor
cob, call me anything you like.
Some of my friends call me an old
fool" Miss Meadowsweet-"Ah, but
that's only people who know you in.
timatelyr-London Punch.
Young man," said the veteran
manager, "your melodrama shows
originality aud Imagination" 'Are
you serious?" asked the young play
wright, doubtfully. Perfectly" said
the manager; ''but you shouldn't lose
time writing plays; mau of your
talent should be theatrical press
agent. Puck
"Now, Robbie" said mamma just
before company sat down to dinner,
remember, you must not ask for more
pie" Robbie didn't; but he finished
his first piece with much promptness,
took long breath, and addressed him.
self very audibly to the guest at his
right. "Ain't that dandy pie?" he
asked.-Judge.
"What makes you think that Mr..
Kitzoerewski started that story that he
is going to marry Miss Fleete?" "Be-
cause, sulu pherloch HOlulcsi soleulh-
ly, "his name was spelled right in
every newspaper in which the story
appeared, and it never would have
been unless he had personally attended
to the proof-reading Washington
Capital.
81 always did dislike men who have
no ear for music, said one girl; land
now / dislike them more than ever.
Charley Neyergo called to see me yes
terday evening At IL o'clock l went
to the piano and played Home, Sweet
Home. First played it as a ballad.
He didn't move. Then 1 played it as
a waltz and next as a polka, and then
as jig" "And what did he do?" "He
said, Gracious, Miss Jones! what
jolly lot of tunes you know! And all
so different. odds and Ends.