Mesa free press., 1897-12-31

Porte-Well, neither are you.
Hell envy the man who sang the
tenor solo. She-Wny, / thought he
had a very poor voice. He-So did 1.
But just think Of his nerve!
An Eastern editor says: "Our wom-
en- are accused of being fond Of whist
ling. Well, so be it. What Is more
lovely than tulips we'll blown?"
Office Boy--There's man outside,
sir, says won't you please give him 10
cents for bed? Slobson-Tell him to
bring it in and I'll take look at it.
First Maid-Mr. Spooney has had a
miraculous escape. Second Maid
How? First Maid-He died upon the
eve of his wedding day.-Toledo Bee.
The Wife-What sweet smile there
is on the baby's face, John! The Hus-
band-Yes; he's probably dreaming
that he's keeping me cwake.-Tid-B Bits.
He-They say iron enters largely in
to the composition of tho human sys-
tenn. Shell suppose that is the rea on
man loses his temper when he gets
hot.
The BrigaA ,dngster.-Mamma, If
l am good will go to heaven? Nam
ma-Yes, dear. The Bright Youngster
How'll get back ?-Cincinnati Tri-
bune.
"John, if you don't quit referring to
me as the old woman I'll make you
SORRY for If ssVUbot will x,o,, do dooro o
"Ill be new woman. "-Indianapoli
Journal.
Miss Gabbington-Why, Mr.. Primp-
ley, you are not looking well. Is it a
fact, as reported, that you are subject
to pains in your head? Primpley-No;
there's nothing in it.
Not Necessary Now.-Bobbie Bunt-
ing-I guess that fellow must be en-
gagged to sister at last Willie Slimson
Why? "He has suddenly stopped CIV
ing me money."-Life.
Henry, do you believe in the uni
versal brotherhood of manw Believe
in it? I should say so; down at the
seashore this summer l had thirty-fve
sisters. detroit Free Press.
"The average man." remarked the
observer Of men and things, twill &C.
knowledge the corn where the aver
age woman would pretend it was a
sprained ankle" detroit Journal.
Harris-Don't you think that a liking
for oysters grows upon one? Gordon
Well don't know. Fact is, you know,
it Is seldom one sees the same oyster
more than once.-Boston Transcript.
II am so sorry, Charles, you don't
admire my new frock. Every body says
1t is charming" said a young wife.
"Your friends, my dear, pay you COM
pliments; l pay your bills" replied
her husband.
IF should fall out of the hammock
what would you doY she asked. II
would catch you in my arms" he an
swered promptly. Get ready" she
said, with feminine impulsiveness.-
Chicago Post.
ga baby" remarked the observer Of
men and things, may not have as
much sense as a man, bu. don't mag
inc baby believes every woman who
comes along and tells him she loves
him" Detroit Journal.
Puritan Youth-(Sunday evening,
long ago)-Prithee, Priscilla, thinkest
thou it be truly goodly for maiden folks
to kiss on Sunday? Puritan Maiden
[ fear not; but thou knowest we be not
married yet.-New York Weekly.
A Matter of Etiquette.-"Hicks is
crazy about etiquette. He saw in the
paper the other day that in the best
circles the wife ladies' out the soup, and
he has consequently given up COUP"
"Why?" "He has no wife. It'd Bits.
"Great Scott, Rastus! You look as if
you had been fighting a buzz-saw."
"Yessah. 1 was in dat smash-up in de
Bucktown Wheelmen's race" II heard
about that. How did it happenY
''Dollah fell out'n de pacemaker's peck
ct right in de middle OBJ de race."-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Sparring Teacher-What? No more
lessons? Why, you only took two.
Amateur much the worse for wear)-
You see, l wanted to take enough les
sons so that could learn enough about
the manly art to lick man. I've
changed my mind now. guess will
send the fellow down to take the rest
of the lessons.-ROchester Democrat
and Chronicle.
Photographer Ito sitter)-I saw you
at church last Sunday, Miss Skeate.
Sitter-Oh, did you? Photographer
Yes; and also your friend, Miss Brown.
IF YOU could raise your chin a trif1e.
Thanks.) And what an atrocious-look-
ing hat she had on. (After pause)
There, Miss Skeate, it is over, and
think we have caught a very pleasant
oxnrnSsinn -Punch