davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21
Why She Darned His Socks.

A Well-knoWn statesman, who has
represented his district in Illinois
for number of years, had the sup
port Of his wife i'm manner which
won for him the reputation of being
plain and simple man of the peo.
pie, whom tiattcry could not divert
from his patriarchal customs.
"A school friend Of the wife, who
had not seen her since girlhood, Wis.,
tied her at her country home one
summer.
How Industrious you are !" ex-
claimed the visitor.
"ln what way ?"
" With fancy work, / guess. I
know you had great aversion to
plain sewing; but you must be very
dlllgent now to have your work has.
ket right here in the parlor."
Would you like to know what |
am doing?"
Certainly"
"You shall see." The Congress-
mans wife took from her basket a
half-knit sock of old fashioned blue
yarn"
You don't mean to say that your
husband wears things like that ?n
"Oh, no; he wouldn't think of
such think. l have a whole lot
that l will be glad to give to any
body who will wear them"
" DO you do this for pleasure or
charity ?"
mo; for business, and ! never
occupy myself in this way unless it
Is absolutely necessary. But | have
to keep the work handy, and when
the old-tashiOned rural voters Of my
husbands district come to call upon
him-and you have no idea how
many honor us with that attention
get 1t out and knit away for dear
life. 1t is good deal of bother,
but it's worth a good many votes
every two years."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

EASY JOB" guess ! amt 80
coarse" said the patient animal
"Oh, don't know" retorted Ba-
laam. "You could not make man
Of yourself if you talked for de-
cade, and can make an ass of my
self in five minutes.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

PARROT AND DSNAKE.-A few DAYS
ago the attention of the family was
attracted by his excited calls for
" Helen, Helen, or Miss Helen 2"
followed by continuous shouts of
HO, no, no !" The first was not
usual, but the last was.
An inspection of the back porch,
where the birds cage was hanging,
found him Strengthened out at full
length and staring intently at a
small garter snake on the floor. The
Snake seemed bewildered at the out
cry, and lay still with uplifted head /.
Content at having summoned his
friends, the bird ceased his shouts
with one triumphant Hurrah !'-
A hoe speedily appeared on the
scene, but the snake had vanished,
presumably to the ground below
A little later, however, the shouts
tor "Helen !" again uprose, and
there was the intruder emerging
from the dining room. This time
the hoe ended its career, amid the
laughter and hurrahs Of the de-
lighted parrot, which evidently un-
derstood all about It.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

UNSATISFACTORY ANSWER"
were to die would you ever marry
again ~ asked Mrs. Bickers to her
husband.
My dear" replied Mr.. Bickers,
" an able philosopher once said that
no man should be called a hopeless
fool until he has made fool of him.
self twice in the same way"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

HATEFUL OLD MAN. When
your wheel broke down seven miles
from home," said the old man, "you
repaired it all by yourself, did you,
sir 2"
"I did," answered the typewriter,
proudly.
"lt seems mighty funny to me,
then," he continued, "that when
the ribbon on your machine needs
shifting you have to call on that
dude of bookkeeper to fix it for
you every time"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21
An Italian Solomon.

The Duke of OssOne, while vice.
roy of Naples, delivered many Curl
Gus and clever Judgments. The case
Is related where young Spanish ex-
qulsite named Bertrand Solus, while
lounging around in the busy part of
the city, was run against by porter
carrying bundle of wood on his
shoulder.
The porter had called out, "Make
way, please !" several times. but
without effect. He had then tried
to get by without collision, but his
bundle caught in the young mans
velvet dress and tore it. Solus was
highly indignant, and had the porter
arrested. The viceroy, who had
privately Investigated the matter,
told the porter to pretend he was
dumb, and at the trial to reply by
signs to any question that might be
put to him.
When the case came on and Solus
had made his complaint the viceroy
turned to the porter and asked him
what he had to say in reply. The
porter only shook his head and made
signs with his hands.
What judgment do you want me
to give against dumb man ?" in
quiIed the vicerOy.
On, your ExcelleDcy," replied
Solus, falling into the trap, 1.-the
man is an impostor. / assure YOU he
is not dumb. Before he ran into
me | distinctly heard him cry out,
Make way y"
"Then," said the yiceroy, sternly,
"if you heard him ask you to make
way for him why didn't you? The
fault Of the accident was entirely
with yourself, and you must give
this poor man compensation for the
trouble you have given him In bring
ing him here"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

BREAKING THE ICE.-The beau.
tiful girl came into the room and
pulled chair up so close to her
fathers big armchair that he
looked up from his newspaper to see
what was the matter.
MIR. wilkins likes you, father
she said, as soon as she saw that she
had his attention.
Likes me =" he exclaimed.
" Yes. He thinks great deal OF
Well, I've been under the i'm.
preston for some time that he liked
some one here, remarked the old
gentleman, "but I've never seen
any indication that l was the one"
Well, you will the very mex,
time you see Mr.. Wilkins" said the
beautiful girl, with conviction.
What's he going to do?" de
manded the old gentleman.
" He's going to ask you if yor
will consent to be his father-in Jaw
explained the beautiful girl.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

A TENNESSEE burglar who pre-
sumably was an amateur in the busi-
ness, held up newspaper man, and
when he discovered his mistake teit
so mortified that he apologized at
once. The N. p. man accepted the
apology and let him off.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

FAILING" DC you know Pm
quite worried about myself. really
believe Pm losing my nerve."--
" How do you notice it?" /" Why,
Pm getting so hate to ask any one
for loan. AS soon as | saw you /
began to tremble,D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

HARDUPPE - Isn't it beastly
thing to have a lot of debts you
can't pay!"
Grabgrind-I know of only one
thing worse"
And what's that ?"
"To have lot of debts you can't
make other people pay"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

PAPA's NEGLECT.-Little Harry
Papa, heard Mr.. Hawkins say
to-day that you were self-made
man. is that so ?" Papa-Yes,
Harry, Mr.. Hawkins was right. t."-
" Then why didn't you finish your
self?" "What do you mean, son ?"
Why, you forgot to put any hair
on top of your head"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

THE assent-minded German pro.
fessor continues to contribute to the
gaiety of the nations. Lately he
had, late at night in his chamber,
disrobed himself, when he sat down
with his head i'm his hands.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

THE self made man was speaking.
Said he, My father was a raiser of
hogs. There was a large family of
us"- and then his voice was drowned
by the applause.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

UNAPPRECIATIVE.- Were the
sanitary police in your house this af-
ternoon ?" "They were" "What
was the matter ?' {" was smoking
that cigar you gave me-"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

"YOU condemns us tramps," said
Meander Mr.. Walk "but dere's
one thing we must git credit fer"
What's that ?"
"YOu don't never hear of us in
dulgin' In labor riots.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

MAUDE-I don't at all look nv.
self to-day.
Jack-lt would be q good time to
have your picture taken.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

LONG AGO." What is the age of
chivalry, Aunt Penelope?" "Back
to those good old times when men
fell in love with women over TO-"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

"MY dear niece, that book is not
fit for you to read" How do you
know, auntie 2" Because / have
read Ii twice."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

GROCER Well, little one, what
can 1 do for you? Jenny-Please,
sir, mamma says to change dollar
for her and she'll give you the dol
lar tomorrow.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21
y . . -

JOHNNY, Johnny! what do you
mean by hitting your little brother
on the head with the hammer ?"--
81 couldn't help it, nav. That cap
you've got him made him look 80
much like a tack.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

UNNATURAL.-" Were your wife's
pictures satisfactory ?" Good
pictures enough, but not at all natu-
ral." "What was the defect ?"-
Why, the fool of a photographer
took her while she was looking
pleasant -,
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21
" HA, ha, nv proud beauty.D said

HA, ha, my proud beauty" said
he, "you love another.n
81 do" said the blushing maiden.
he pondered. Well" said he,
finally, his features lighting up with
hendish joy, "you amt in it if you
do. Within "a hours / shall have
procured an injunction against your
marrying him.O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

Doctor Ito patient threatened
with nervous prostration)-Do you
notice that you are troubled with
loss Of memory?
Jack Pot-Loss Of memory, doc
tor? No, sir; it's memory of my
loss that gets me!
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21
NUMBER 22.

SCRIPTURAL INJUNCTIONs.
Brudder Jnhnsing.n remarked
Parson Jackson covetouslv, sdot,s
a powahful fine watahmillion Won
am totin'."
deed it am, pahson," replied
the deacon. I" But rempmbah do
scrlptuahs, Thou shalt not Covet.'"
does remembah," sadly an
swered the parsOn, "but | also re-
calls the verses, De Lawd lobeth n
cheerful gibah, an "He dat gibcth
toe de poah lendeth toe de I.awd.'
brudder Johnsing, rs a powahful
poah man."
Dats true, pahSOn, "but de BIZ
ole says dat the Lawd helps dem dat
helps demSelVes. Dat's de way |
got dis watahmillion. Cunnel Rvo-
straw's got fine patch ob millions"
TIE BLARNEY STONE.-- BIGrnev
Is village in Ireland, in the County
OF CorB, about five miles from tho
tar-tamed city Of that name. 1t is
chiefly celebrated "a giving the name
to peculiar kind of elouuonco
which is said to be characteristic of
the lighthearted natives Of the EN-
erald Isle. The old castle of Blar
ney contains the Identical stone. the
Kissing of which is believed to give
the person peculiar skill i'm specCh.-
1t is one Of those superstitions which
can be traced back until the mind of
man runneth not to the contrary.
A DELICATE REMONSTRANCE
- When L get to be "a man." said tho
boy who has a good memory for
phrases, 'l'm going to strive to cul-
tivate an unselfish nature.n
"Thats right" replied the father.
" How are you going to go about it,
my sou ?"
Well, in the first place, if have
any little boys I'll let them shoot
their own fireworks instead OF tell
ing them they must let me do it for
fear they will hurt themselves"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

TRY THIS BEFORE GOING HOME
If your tongue is i'm good condition
for doing little acrobatic work, try
reading the following word curiosity
aloud. 1t may be familiar to some
of you, for it is one of the treasures
we dig up in an old scrap-book
If you stick a stick across a stick,
Or stick cross across stick,
Or cross a stick across stick,
Or stick cross across a stick,
Or cross "A cross across a stick,
Or cross cross across a cross,
Or stick cross stick across a stick,
Or stick a crossed stick across q
cross stick,
Or cross a crossed stick across a
cross,
Or cross crossed stick across a
stick,
Or cross a crossed stick across a
crossed stick,
Would that be an acrostic?
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

He was suffering from severe
shock occasioned by stroke of
lightning.
Your vocal organs are badly
paralyzed, but you will learn to
speak in time" said the hospital
surgeon, as he looked up from a
rigid examination Of the strangers
injuries. 1.-THE very best thing for
you to do is to go where you can
hear a great deal of talking"
The patient motioned for writing
pad, and when it was given to him
he wrote in firm, clear hand:
am married man."
The surgeon smiled in sympathy
and turned to his assistant and said {:
Get the gentleman's address and
send him home"
Donnerwetter! !" he said. -
" There was something | was to do.
What was it, now ?"
He sat and pondered intensely for
an hour, growing colder and colder,
Finally he sprang up.
Ah, | have it," he exclaimed.
" / intended to go to bed! !"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21
0. P. SYDEASTRI(KER & co,
DEALERS IN
PURE DRUGS
MED lGIN rs.
LEWIsBURG, w. VA.

WE Positively CLAIM
that we have GREATER FACILI.
TIES for doing business, and can offer
BETTER PRICES, than any drug
house in this section of the State.
We confidently invite physicians and
others who have wants in this line to
GIVE US A TRIAL.
Prices willingly quoted and mail or.
ders solicited and given our prompt
and careful attention. Respectfully,
&C.,
.. P. SYDENSTRICKER& &CO.
Jan. 18th, 1896.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

owe told the man that the sur
gical operation he needed would cost
800.
"How did he take it?"
/" He said that it would be cheaper
for him to go home and die."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

"YoU should never say Sweets
to the sweet when you offer a girl
refreshments" said Higgins to Kis-
sam.
What should l say ?'
"An ice to a nice girl"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

JIBsON-I thought you could keep
a secret.
Jabson--SO | can.
Jibson-Why dinn't you keep the
secret told you the other day?
JabsOn- Because when you told it
il ceased to be secret.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-10-21

THE EARNEST YoUTH-"I thank
you, sir, for your kind permission to
call on your daughter"
Remember that I turn out the
gas at ten O'clock"
"All right, sir I'll not come be-
fore that time.n
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-20


ward to drive that too much questioning
of their caretakers is resented as almost
an insult. Lord Salisbury's answer,
which was no answer, to his questouer
III the house of lords shows this. Bubby
Jack, the Scotch name for our Thanks
giving bird, is highly important indi-
vidual in the farm yard, he clothes him
self with martial airs, and when he struts
with every feather spread defiently to the
breeze, even two legged man, king of
creation, has been known to beat hastY
retreat. The sultan is in his feathery
tantrums now. The powers look
and feel mighty small. The king of Greece,
who devised, or caused tools to devise,
the idiotie crusade as screen for his
abdication under flying colors, now finds
no other way out but to fly, as his army
did, with his colors smirched. His
dynasty will scarcely be thrust on the
Disguised Greeks, because no powers
could fix it on them for one short year.
There is no respectable future for Greece
until it breeds generation worthy of it's
great men of old.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-20
NEW MExlCO'S MINING REVIVAL.

1t is apparent to every one who has
paid attention to the subjeo that there
has been a great increase in activity in
New Mexico mining districts during the
current year, says the Denver Republican
of recent date. The progress may well be
said to exceed that of the whole of the
five preceding years.
New Mexico has great natural resources
in both silver and gold, but for various
reasons their development has been re-
tarded. One potent reason has been the
lack of exciting discoveries of rich or
sensational ore. There has been nothing
found to cause stampede. Colorado has
had several such excitements, and doubt
less the mineral development of this state
is due in part to the rush of people to its
mining camps in consequence of report
ed discoveries of great value. But never
theless New Mexico may possess great
deal of rich ore, and it may be discovered
in consequence of the active work now in
progress.
1t seems that there is series of mining
camps in the northern part of the terri
tory just below the Colorado line and ex
tending from the edge of the Maxwell land
grant to west of the Rio Grande valley.
These camps have recently been sufficient
ly developed to show that they contain
good deposits of gold ore, though they
have hardly reached the rank and dignity
of shippers, That will come at later
stage, when development will have opened
up big ore bodies and made it practicable
to produce large tonnage. In the mean
time work will be pushed by the men who
have located claims, and gradually capital
will find its way into these new but prom
Using districts.
Denver is interested in the development
of New Mexico's resources, and especially
of that part that lies near the Colorado
border. The business men and others of
this city should, therefore, aid in the de-
velopment of these camps as far rs may
be practicable. The railroads also should
render whatever assistance may be in
their power. 1t is among the possibilities
that in the near future the mineral output
of the districts extending along the north
ern border of New Mexico will compare
favor8bly with that of districts of like
population in any other part of the far
west.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-20
REFRIGERATOR CARS,

The announcement made in yesterday g
issue of the New MEXICAN to the effect
that the Santa Fe railroad had decided to
grant refrigerator cars for, New Mexico
fruit shipments, means great deal to
the horticulturists of the territory, who
have long suffered in this matter, and also
from the fact that because of inadequate
shipping regulations the credit of furn-
fishing frst-olass fruit has been appro-
priated by other sections of the west, I'M.
til the name of New Mexico is hardly
known among the fruit dealers of Chicago
and st. Louis as a shipper of the best
fruit in the country.
Under the new order of things, every
car sent east will be labeled "New Mex
loo Fruit" and this alone will be an i'm
mense advertisement for the territory.
Great credit is due Mr.. Lorion Miller.
secretary of the territorial bureau of i'm
migration and Hon, F. A. Manzanares of
Las Vegas, in bringing about these fav-
orable conditions. Twill mean immense
good to the horticultural industry of the
whole territory.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-20

EVEN az the rise in wheat and the fall
of silver has exploded a pet theory of the
free silver people, 80 has the Dipgley law
and the enormous demand for American
wheat played havoc with a favorite
Democratic dogma, viz: "The less we
buy from foreign countries the less they
will buy from u.s." Well, we are buying
less goods from Europe than we have
bought for four years and Europe Is buy.
ing more of our wheat than it has done
for 40 years Republicans have always
insisted that these things are regulated
by the laws of supply and demand, which
law, by the way, an intelligent PopDlist
declared would be at once repealed when
Bryan was elected "Thus, one by one
the roses fade"
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-20
FOREIGN INVESTMENTS,

Foreigners we're quicker than Amer
loans to forsee the great advance in prices
of wheat thai is now under way, and they
bought vast quantities of grain at much
lower figures than are now prevailing.
But they did not show equal foresight
respecting the remarkable rise in values
of American sureties that has occurred in
the past month.
There bias been an average advance of
about $40 share in the prices of railroad
and industrial stocks traded in Wall
street, and corresponding appreciation
in the value of bonds. The foreigners
have been so far from having any faith
In this advance that they have been SELL
ing the securities they already possess,
instead of buying more of them. But
the demand for them on Wall street has
been so great that all the offerings from
the other side, as we'll as the securities
sold by weak holders on this side of the
ocean, have been taken at steadily ad
vancipg prices.
The stocks of some railroad companies
which few months ago were docketed
by the pessimists as ready to 20 into a
receivers hands, have nearly doubled in
value.
Burlington, for example, which, not
ong ago, was selling in the Sos, is now
worth almost par, and dozens of other
securities which seemed oh ort time ago
to be on the ragged edge of drop to
nothing, have suddenly become choice
Investments, sought for by the investing
and specializing public.
The foreigners, who have been selling
all through the advance, have, in the past
few days, shown signs of awakening to
the fact that things in America are on the
upturn for long pull. The English and
German investors will be in the American
markets as buyers before long.
The temptation will be too strong for
them to resist. Like Senator Stewart,
they will want to get "a share of the pros
perity that is RAMP ant in this country"
They will be taking back, at high prices,
the securities they sold for much less than
are now worth, and when the inevitable
tide of gold sets in toward this country
it will be greatly accelerated by the for
eign buying of securities.
Foreigners at the present moment own
a smaller interest in American property
than they have possessed in great many
years, but they have plenty of capital to
invest, and they will place it where there
is the most promising prospect of profit
able returns.
They are beginning now to realize that
this country is the best place for their
money, aud it will not be long before
they will make rush for the American
securities which they have sold. For
tunately, they will pay big profit to
American holders TO get them.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-20
Talks With Travellers.

Yes sir! The most enjoyable trip
Lever took to New York was over
the Wabash. Only one change Of
cars in St. Louis; the finest passenger
station in the world. Fine restaur.
ant and cafe. Got an elegant supper
for so cents.
We arrived In st. Louis at 600 p.
M, and left on the Wabash New York
Limited at 700 p. M, in the elegant
through sleeper, reaching Detroit at
9:l5 the following morning. Niagara
Falls at 4:37 that afternoon, and ar
rived at New York, Grand Central
Depot at 1880 a. M, just the right
time to get breakfast and attend to
business. va
Oh! the Wabash is the route for
New York.
By the way just write to O. NJ.
Ham pson, Commercial Agent, Dem
yer, for particulars. may have for
gotten something.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-20

Go to your doctor for
advice; he is the best man
to tell you what medicine
you need. Go to your drug
gist for your medicines; he
knows more about drugs
than a dry goods man.
Stick to your doctor and
to your druggist if you are
a sick man, but don't g0 to your
@-nggist FIR advice. If your
doctor tells you to get SCOTS
Emulsion it is because he
knows it to be the remedy
in all conditions Of wasting,
the one reliable, permanent
preparation.
Get 7rbat yon ask far.