davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09

would cum along wild deir bills-I'd hev
to hev a bathtub in de house-society
would o'ce me to war rich clothes and
drink champagne, an most cherry day
I'd git telegraph dat one O. my nevis
had choked to death or dat one O. my
| t!awgs had run away. I'd be upset wild
trubble from mornin' till night, an
de fust thing l knowed I'd be locked up
along O. crazy folks and imagine was
a boss or bird. Strive fur happiness
an let riches go. When yo' kin pay so
cents fur watermillyun, dollar fur
flour and hev sunthin' left fur cod.
fish an 'taters, yo' hev got all outer lite
dere is in it, an it amt no use to propo-
gate de perigrinashun any furder. My
frens. de hour is late, an will not
occupy any mo- Of yo'r valuable time"
When the speaker retired he was fol.
lowed by round after round of ap-
plause, and he must have been highly
pleased with his successful hit. When
silence was restored, Brother Gardner
said:
"Gemlen, hev no doubt dat we hev
all bin made de better fur listeuin' to
dat address, an dat it will be wise fur
US to treasure up in our memories de
varus facts brung out by de orator,
but at de same time l want to caushun
yo' dat great men am only mortal arter
all. Should de Hon. Recollection john
son want to borry any money of yo',
il will be eminently safe to reply dat
yo' has just tooken all yo'r change to
de bank, an dat yo' doan expect to
hev any mo- befo' next week. We will
now go home''
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09

OF water, carefully scraped nutmeg
into it, and, after removing his coat
necktie and collar, he advanced to the
front of the platform and began:
MY frens,'' he said, as he locked his
fingers together and then looked be-
nignly down upon the shiny bald
Uranium of Judge Cantelope White,
''does riches make happiness or does
she not? At de fust go-off, it would
appear dat she did. When we see a
rich man ridin' by in his kerridge, his
arms folded, his head up high, an his
black bosses prancin' along as proud
as peacocks, we am apt to envy him
an wish we was in his place. We see
only outside appearances. If we could
foller dat pusson to hts home of lux.
TRY we should take different view of
de case. De mint he gifts into de house
his wife wants fo'teen thousand dollars
fur new dresses: de chillun cry fur him
t. buy an elephant; de cook has broke
IL plates while washin' de dishes, an
de gas bill is ober seven dollars mo- dan
it was do month befo'. De proud smile
on dat rich mans face fees away an he
goes out behind de ban an kicks his
self an wishes he had nebber bin bon.
CHEERS. shouts and wild ap7lause.)
"You go into a rich mans house,"
continued the orator, IAN yo' see lace
curtains, kivered chairs, fine carpets
an heaps O. brick-abats. Some of 'em
has got as many as five beds upstairs.
an if you go down cellar YOU find a
hull bar'l O. pork and 16 bushels of
'taters. Muffin seems wantin' to COM
plete dat mans happiness. but dat's
all on de outside. He may be sittin'
around on dem fine carpets or lookin'
at hisself in one of dem lookin'- glasses,
which ne6er costs less dan nine dol
lars, when he gifts telegraph. He
opens it to find dat somebody has
robbed de grave of his gran'fadder out
in Chicago, and demands one millyun
dollars to restore de body. Applause
so vigorous that two legs fall out of the
stove and serious calamity was mar
rowly averted.
~ war; in de private offs of a mill
yunaire de odder day. He was cuttin,
de coupons off his bloated bonds. OAR
war II bags of gold on his right hand
an Is bar'Is of silver on his left. [Sup-
pressed excitement OAR war fo'
bushels of diamonds piled up behind
de stove, an about two bar'ls of pearls
an opals ober by de washstand. FWhis-
pers of yum! Yum!"] Dat pusson
owned de awfullest biggest plantation
in de hull souf. He had six millyun
bosses an cattle. He owned TO- ba nks
an six railroads. He owned all de
jedges an half de lawyers in de state.
If yo' frowed club at his dawg he
could hev yo' sent. to prison for life.
[Sighs and groans.] An wild all dis
power an riches, was dat man happy?
No! He had sore heel; bis stomach
was out of order; be was gittin' bald
on top of his head; he woke up in de
night and saw spooks wa vim DER arms
over him. an he said he would give all
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
O~~~

he had on airth to be like me. [Applanse
which put out three lamps and upset
| the water pail
mo, my frens," calmly continued the
| orator, after slipping little more nut
meg, 'richcs doan make happiness.
Dey is jest handy when yo' feel like
yo'd like to git measured for TO- new
shirts, or yo' want fried chicken fur
| dinner. All de rest is vanity, an suah
| to bring trouble. Take de case of
Shindig Watkins, of dis club, at whose
cabin l am stoppin' temporarily, free
| of charge. He's got rag carpet an
three cane-seat cheers in his parlor.
He's got three dawgs an an ice chest
an chrome of Napoleon Crossin' de
Alps. He's got a cucko clock dat cost
him leben dollars, an be bought an
! ole lounge for two dollars an kivered it
ODER wild new stuff an made it wuth
! ten dollars. His wife kin airn dollar a
| day while he sits on de front steps, an
his chill'um save deir pennies to buy
| him terbacker an beer. From Sunday
mawnin' till Saturday night Brudder
| Watkins am PERFECTLY happy an con-
| tent, an be will lib 30 Vars longer dan
| de rich man. [Vociferous applause from
all except Brother Watkins, whose mod
esty is well known.
ITO sum up," continued the orator.
as he drew long breath and looked
around with self-satisfed air. I'VE
wor BON into dis world to find happi-
ness, an not to pile up riches. If had
a bar'l O. pearls could l eat any mo-
watermillyun dan ! do now? ("No!"
'No!") If ! had a cart load O. dia-
monds. would lie crap O. yams an
'possums be any bigger? c'No!"
"No!O If | had 16 bosses in de sta Bile,
would it take de chillblans Oft desc
feet? c'No!" 'No!') I'D be richer,
OF co'se, but de gas man am de tax man
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
LAND IN ALASKA.

Crops May BE Grown i'm a Limited
Way and Live Stock VIII Thrive.
DR.. Evans and Benton KILN, COM
missioners appointed to investigate the
agricultural possibilities of Alaska,
have submitted their reports to Sec
rotary of Agriculture Wilson. The re-
ports agree that while comparatively
little agriculture exists there it is pos
s:ble that enough of certain crops and
animals may be grown to sustain con-
siderable population, provided proper
methods are pursued. While Director
True, of the division of experiment sta
tions. does not regard as feasible the
establishment of agricultural expert
ment stations there, he believes that
experiments may he carried on in a
number of lines with great success.
The two commissioners spent three
months investigating the southern coast
region of Alaska. The reports say cul-
tivated areas in Alaska are confined to
small kitchen gardens, in which are
grown many of our earlier and harder
vegetables. Stock raising is carried on
to very limited extent. The possible
extension of the pasturage and gar
dening area is quite considerable. Es-
Inmates are made of an expense of 5000
per acre in preparing the soil for cuI-
tivation. What agriculture there will
be in Alaska will be subsidiary to fish,
ing and other industries, according to
Mr.. Killin's separate report. Fisher
men will locate on Alaska lands and
make homes. At the present ratio Mr..
KILN says the salmon will soon be de.
stroyed. They are being fished for in
the spawning waters to such an extent
that they have no opportunity to prop
agate. Halibut, cod and herring will
last forever. Timber will not go into the
market until the yellow fir or Douglas
pine of the Pacific coast is exhausted,
as it is superior to the Alaskan spruce
or hemlock.
AS fast as the timber is taken of
small fruits and green vegetables can
be grown, and grass will be furnished
for the domestic animals. Grasses grow
to great perfection. Little was seen of
the cultivation of cereals and small
fruits and berries abound, though prac-
tically no attention is paid to their cul-
tivation.
AS to the country from the southern
boundry to Kodiak and Long islands
and from the Pacific to the coast or
Alaskan mountains, the climate is ex-
tremely wet, but not cold; winters are
very long, and the feeding period will
be ut least seven months. The cereals
will not ripen and the vegetables will
not mature.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
JOKE ON AN IMMORTAL.
AnatO1e Frances Astronomical Dlun-
der in n Recent Novel.

AnatO1e Frances Astronomical Dlun-
der In a Recent Novel.
One OF the immortals, Anatole France,
has furnished amusement for the lit
erary world of Paris. There is little
doubt that NJ. France is not skilled in
the science of the stars, else he would
not have committed the laughable blum
der that appears in his latest novel, lie
Mannaquin d'Osier.''
In this volume he describes one of the
principal characters as indicating to an.
other on night in May the constella-
ton Gemini. 1t is pointed out that
this constellation at the hour NJ. France
mentions. between II o'clock and mid
night, at that time of the year is very
near or below the horizon. So much for
an academician who would touch upon
astronomy.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
Enxlish Bible Printed i'm 1Aan

An old English Bible that was printed
before the discovery of America is lit
the possession of Richard Bexfeld, of
Union district. West Virginia. 1t was
printed in London in 1890 "by the depu-
ties of Christopher Barker company,
printers to- the queens most gracious
majesty" 1t retains it's original cover,
and is in remarkably good state of
preservation. The book was found in
1926 by Mr.. Bexfeld's father in an old
chimney in one Of Alderman Pye's
almshonses on Pottersgate street, in
Norwich, England. Chicago Chronicle.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
peary:s MeteOrlfe.

The huge mass of meteoric iron
which Civil Engineer Peary, of the
United States navy, has recently
brought home from Cape York, Green
land, and which weighs about 100 tons,
is believed by him and others to be a
true meteorite, fallen from the sky at
some unknown time in the past. Al
Toys of iron and nickel sometimes occur
in meteorites, and, curiously enough,
Peary's meteorite consists of those
metals combined in proportion SINH
lar to that of the nickel-steel employed.
in making ar1nor for the United States
navy-Youth's Companion.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
Copyright, 1871

Copyright. 1871
A FTER the meeting had been regu-
n larly opened, Brother Gardner all
nounced that the regular routine Of
business would be suspended in order
to listen to an address by Hon. Recol-
lection johnson, of Goldsboro. N. G.,
who had arrived in New York two days
previously. The title of the address
was given as, docs Riches Make Hap
piness?"
"Befo' dis pusson, who am now IN
de anty-room, is let into de hall, want
TO say few WORDS observed the presi-
dent. I'm de fust place, want Elder
Toots and ledge Cadaver to keep awake
doorin' de lecture. It's an insult to a
man to go to sleep and snore while he
am talkin'. In de next place, if Shindig
Watkins frows dat cucumber which he
has got in his pocket at Samuel Shin,
l shall be lookin' right at him, and be-
TO- de meetin' closes his fucher life will
lie made wretched. Kurnel Cabiff an
ledge Chewso had better git as far
from each odder as possible, an shall
depend upon Giveadam Jones to keep
his eye on Uncle Bradley an de ole man
Taylor. De honorable gem'lan will now
be brung in"
The man from the "Tar-Heel" state
created favorable impression at first
glance. He was the beau-ideal of an
orator-three stories high, loose in the
knee joints and wild expression to
his eyes. AS he took his place on the
platform. it was noticed that he toed
out and covered great deal of space
with his feet, and This was also taken
as further favorable sign of his in
tellectual greatness. There was no
eign of nervousness in his actions, and
it was clearly evident that he was in
the habit of addressing large and criti-
cal audiences. He poured out a glass
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09

and permanent walk. A shallow trench
is dug out, and the bottom filled with
round stones. Smaller ones are placed
on these and gravel on top of all. At
either side are placed two strips of
board, nailed together, as shown. This
keeps the outer edge Of the walk
straight and true and free from grass.
chat will grow with the ordinary walk
The board at the bottom keeps out
much grass that otherwise would grow
in under the upright board.-American
Agliculturist.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
Cost of Making Buffer.

How many farmers who keep a but
ter dairy have reckoned how much their
product costs them: Only very small
proportion of average farmers have
done so. Yet that is the first principle
OF good business. whether in farming
or anything else. We knew a farmer
cnce who reckoned that, taking the
whole year together. his butter had cost
him 11k cents pound. His COWS
were. however, much better than tha
average, and though his butter was of
first quality, it cost him less than the
poor quality of butter of most farm
ers did, and which they sold at loss.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
Packages Of Standard Size.

All baskets or boxes used for ship
ping produce to market should be of
standard size and shape, and should
also be made to hold quarts, pecks and
bushels. There is no reason why small
fruit should not be sold in boxes hold
ing pints and quarts, and the ''hamper''
baskets made to hold pecks and bushels.
Such system would also permit the
buyer to measure the goods, if delivered
to him in loose manner from boxes.
and would avoid many unpleasant re-.
suits due to deficiency IN quantities.
purchased. :f5.tt,zs
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
FOR KICKING COWS,
A Stable Arrangement That Will Ell
feet n Cure.

I have found the plan illustrated BEL
low very good one for kicking COWS.
4 pole three inches in diameter and the
length of stall is swung in front
through rope loop in the top of manger
near the feed box. At the rear, about
20 inches from the floor, is a piece Of
plank IA or 16 inches wide, with several
auger holes from the left to right large
enough to receive the end of the pole.
When a COW is disposed to kick, tie
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
A BelwIan Swsndle

Belgian swindlers have been FASTING
transparent paper over the postage
stamps they put on letters. The paper
took the postmarks, leaving the stamp
beneath uncanceled
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
THE FIRST SNOW.

Each fake seems a fairy parachute.
From mystic cloudland blown,
And earth Is still, and air Is mute.
AS frosts enchanted zone.
The shrubs bend down-behold the trees
Their fingery boughs stretch out
The blossoms of the sky to seize,
AS they Veer and drive about.
The woods are black. the hills are white.
And glittering in the sheen,
The lake expands-a sheet Of light
Its willowy banks between.
These fur-robed genii Of the Pole
Dance Ger the mountains white,
Chain up the pillows as they roll.
And pearl the caves with light!
The sunset comes and eve reveals
Her clear skies to the moon,
And DER hush'd earth a radiance steals
More bland than that Of noon.
Edward Wilbur Mason. In Good House
keeping.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
PATHS AND WALKS,

They Add Much to tho Comfort Of tie
Farmers Family.
The walks about farmhOnses are too
often not only unattractive, but at
many times disagreeably muddy. The
cut shows plan for making very neat
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09

Jones and Brown are very bitter
against each other"
Eyes, and it's all due to a misunder-
standing, too.'
Indeed % ....!
Yes, each thought the other was an
easy mark.""-Detroit News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-12-09
"Afiranda!'

"Miranda!"
"What?"
"Will you please get the Bible and
read to me about that patient man Job?
IN. Y, Journal
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1897-09-02
NATIONAL w. C. T. U.
Official Call for the Convention, Which
Is to Meet Oct. 20 to Nov. 3.

BUFFALO, Sept. francs E. Willard,
president and Catharine L. Stevenson cor
responding secretary of the National
Woman's Christian Temperance Union,
have issued a call for the twenty-fourth
annual convention of the organization to
be held in Music Hall, Buffalo, n. Y, Oct.
20 to Nov. 3. 1t will Immediately follow the
fourth biennial convention of the Worlds
w. c. T. u, Oct % to 26-which, in it's turn
will follow the annual convention of the
W. C. T. u. of the Dominion of Canada;
the last two to be held in the city of
Toronto, Ontario The basis of representa-
ton in the national union continues the
same as in previous years, namely, one
delegate at large for each auxiliary state
and territorial union, and one additional
delegate for each five hundred of the &C
tive, paid-up membership. The general OF
ficers of the national union, the four gen
eral officers of each state and territory,
the boards of national superintendent, or
ganizers and evangelists. the general secre-
taries of the Y. and L. t. l.. branches, the
chairmen of standing committees the rep
reSentatives of affiliated interests, the eu-
itors and publisher of the official organ ana
the editors of all State w. c. T. U. papers
are ex officio members of the convention.
In addition to the many women thus holu-
ing official relationship there Will be q
large number of visiting wh1te-rlDponers,
as we'll as visiting and fraternal delegates
from kindred organizations. Many OF the
distinguished guests at the world conyen-
ton will remain over to the national Inc
annual sermon on Oct. 81 Will be predcheu
nv LADY Henry Somerset.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1897-09-02
TELEGRAPHIC BREVITIES.

The Northwestern Miller gives the out
put of flour at Minneapolis, Duluth-Supe-
rior and Milwaukee last week at AL 4yo bar
reS.
Controller of the Currency James H. Eek
els is at Helena, Mont, en- route to the 1el-
lowstone National Park where he will
spend ten days He then goes on a hunt
ing trip into the mountains Of Colorado
Articles have been signed by Solly Smith
and George Dixon calling for twenty
round go on Oct. at Woodward's PaVll-
purse is $1,000, of which $1,000 goes to the
loser.
DIR. Frederick A. Cook, of arctic fame
will sail from Brooklyn Saturday morning
on the steamer Haveline for Rio Janeiro
There he will join the Belgian antarctic eX-
petition when it reaches that port about
Oct. l.
The Postal Telegraph Gable Company's
new route 10 South America Is now open
with a reduction in rates OF 70 per cent.
This service extends to Uruguay and Para
quay. Argentine Republic and Brazil via
Hayti and Para
The contract for the superstructure OF
the new Minnesota Statehouse has been
awarded to the Butler-Ryan Company, OF
ST. Paul for $685. 900. St. Cloud granite Will
be used for the basement and Georgia mar
BILE for the rest of the suDerstructure, eX-
cepting the dome.
The roundhouse of the Kansas City, Fort
Scott & Memphis road at Springfield, Mo,
was destroyed by fire yesterday and sew
erat locomotives were damaged. Loss esti-
mated at $4,000; insurance not known. The
fire started from the explosion of a gaso-
line boiler in the shops.
David Weeks, one of the two men wanted
for the murder of George Marcus Nicholas
which occurred on the Daniels farm at
Trumbull Fairfield county, Conn, on July
20, has been arrested at Clearfield. Pa. He
gave his name as James DOugherty. re-
ward of $500 was offered for the arrest of
the murderer.
There is to be a marked advance in the
price of pine lumber q result of the aG-
vance in agricultural products. The list
committee of the Mississippi Valley Lum>
bermen's Association met yesterday TO
agree on an advance to take effect next
week. A second advance will be made a
month later.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1897-09-02
LOOTED THE AMBIA BANK.
Cashier Mcconnell Gone with the
Funds, Perhaps $4,000.

AMBIA. md, Sept. 1.-The failure of
the Ambia State Bank yesterday was
caused by the absconding cashier, Fred
Mcconnell, who left with all the funds Sat
urday night. He was not missed until Mon
day. About o'clock Saturday night Nc
Connell gave out that he was going to Ok
ford to visit relatives. Instead, however, he
went to Hoopeston. ILL.,, where he is sup
posed to have taken the south-bound train
on the Chicago & Eastern Illinois Railway.
His wife accompanied him. State Bank
Examiner Milikan is now in charge of the
books of the bank, and he cannot give the
amount of shortage Ali of the money is
gone from the safe, with the exception of
a small amount of silver No entries have
been made in the books for a month"; and
ii will take the examiner several days to
post up. Nothing was thought of McCon-
nelfS absence until noon on Monday, when
the depositors began TO grow uneasy. Miss
Blanche Moore Mr.. McConnells clerk was
visiting friends at GoOdland, but she re-
turned and opened the safe, being the only
one possessing the combination. No money
was found in the vault and telegraph mes
SageS were sent in every direction to head
Mcconnell OFF, but without success. Con-
siderable money was deposited on Saturday
last and il is thought that Mcconnell has
had his flight in contemplation for month
as his books have not been posted for that
length OF time About $4,000 is thought to
be missing
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1897-09-02
Indiana Culinary.

RICHMOND, Ind, Sept. Mrs. Mary
Broadway. aged seventy-four, died last
night. She had been resident of this city
for many years.
ROCKVILLE Ind, Sept. 1.-Mr. Carrot
L. Tenbrook, aged about seventy years
died this morning. He had long been a
resident of Parke county. He left three
grown children, Mrs. w. j. Boyd, Miss Net
tie Tenbrook and William Tenbrook.
JEFFERSONVILLE Ind, Sept. Mrs
Ollie Barthel West, aged nineteen, died to-
day of typhoid fever, at the home of her
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. William Barthel, of
Charleston. Two years ago Mrs. West was
married to DR.. w. H. West, but was forced
to leave him in ST. Louis on account of his
treatment of her.
YORKTOWN. Ind, Sept. This morn
ing. at the home of her son, Matthew
Walker, Mrs. Mary Walker, aged eighty
six, died. She was born in Ireland, and
came to this country years ago. She was
also the mother of John Walker Mrs. John
Burks and Mrs. Levi Watson, of Delaware
county.
FORT WAYNE Ind, Sept. 1.-George f.
Howard, travelling auditor for the National
Express Company. died last night at his
residence in this city. His death was caused
by typhoid malaria. He leaves widow
and one child He commenced his express
service with the American Company on
the Big Four, as route agent between CO.
lumbus and Cleveland, and in june 1891,
was appointed agent at Cleveland for the
National and remained with that company
until his death.