Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1897-04-13

AI IL
"LoSG MAY THAY wAvRr' SEE
Cheats techin speech he sed he shood
meet me in the Happy Huntin Grounds.
II he duz thare will be a fite. But enun
Of this ere Raven Moose Muttons, a.
our skooln.aster, who has got Talent
into him, cussycally observes.
Iarrove at Salt Lake in doc time. At
Camp Scott there was lot Of U. 8. So
jers, hostensibly sent out thare to smash
the mormins. but really to eat Salt Wit
ties & play poker & other beautiful but
sumwhat onsartin games I got ac-
quainted with sum Of the officers Thay
lookt putty scrumpshus in their Bloc
coats with brass outings onto um q
ware very talented drinkers, but 30 fur
as fitin is consarned I'd willingly put
my wax fggers agin the hull party.
My desire was to exhibit my grate
show in Salt Lake City, so / called ON
Brigham Yung. the CRATE mogull amung
the mormins, and axed his permishun
to pitch my tent and onfurl my banner
to the jentle breezis. He lookt at me in
q austeer manner for q few minits, and
sed:
"Do you bleeve In Solomon, Saint
Paul, the immaculateness Of the Nor
min Church and the Latterday Revela.
shuns?"
Sez I, "I'm on itv' make IL q pint
TO git along plesunt. tho didn't know
what under tho sou the old feller was
drivin at. He sed might show.
"You air maTrid man. Mister Yung,
I bleeve'" sez l. preparin to rite him
sum free parsis.
II hev eighty wives. Mister Ward. I
sertinely am marrid.
He then set to and axed mo wouldn't
like to see his famerly. % which re.
plide that wouldn't I mind minglin with
the fair Seek and Barskin in the winnin
smiles Of his interestin wives. He &C.
cordingly tux me to his Scareum. The
house is powerful big & in exceedin
large room was his wives & children,
which larst was squawkin and hollerin
enuff to take the roof rite orr the house.
The wimin was of all sizes and ages
Sum was pretty g. sum was plane-sum
was helthy and sum was on the Wayne
which IL verses, tho sich was not my
intentions. as I don't prove Of putin
verses in Prose rittins. tho ef occashun
requires / can Jerk Poim ekal to any
Of them Atlantic Munthly fellers.
my wives. Mister Ward" sed Yung.
"Your sarvant. marms," said /. as
sot down in cheer which red. .heded
female brawt me.
Them as 10 Sealed to me-that Is to
say, to be mine when wants unfair
at present NY sperretooul wives" sed
Mister Yuug.
Long may thay wavev" sez /, seein
/ shood git into scrape Of didn't look
out.
In o privit conversashun with Brig.
ham learnt the follerin fax: Il takes
him six weeks to kiss his wives. he
don't do it only onct yere & seq 1t is
wuss nor cleanin house. He don't pre-
tend to know his children, there Is 30
many Of um, tho they all know him.
He sez about every child he meats call
him Par. & he takes it for grantid 1t Is
20. His wives are very expensiv. Thay
alters want suthin g. ef he don't buy it
for um they set the house in uproar.
He seq he don't have minit's peace.
His wives 6te amung themselves 10
much that he has bilt fitin room for
thare speshel benefit, & when too ef 'em
get into row he has 'em turnd loose
into that place. WHARF the dispoot IL set
tied accordin to the rules Of the London
prize ring. Sumtimes thay aboos hisseh
Individually. Thay hev pulled the most
Of his hair out ut the roots & he wares
meny horrible scar upon his body. in
ficted with mop-handles. broomsticks
and sich. Occashunly they git mad q
scald him with bilin hot water. go
II find that the keers Of a mafrid life
way hevy onto me-" sed the PROFIT, -
sumtimes I wish I'd renamed aingel."
I left the Profit and startid for the tav.
ern WHARF put up to-Artemus Ward.
Daniel OConnen and Biddy Moriarty.
Mr.. Madden tells the following: When
Daniel O'Connell was yet very young
man, his talent for vituperative lam
guage was so great that he was deemed
matchless rs a scold. There lived In
Dubi:l certain woman, Biddy 4orisr-
tyly &c, who kept huckster's stall
ON on. ~ the quays nearly opposite thA
Four Courts. She was first class vira-
go-forlnidsD with both fist an.
tongue-so that her voluble imputation
had become almost proverbial In the
country rour labout
Some of O'Connell's friends thought
that he could defeat her with her own
weapons, while others ridiculed the
idea The Kerry b1rister could not
stand this, SO he backed himself for .
match. Bets were offered and taken,
and it was decided that the matter
should be settled at once. So proceeding
to the huckster's stall with few
friends, O'Connell commenced the st.
tack on the old lady:
"what is the price Of this walking
stick, Mrs. Whats-your-nameT"
"Moriarty, sir, is my name, and .
good one 1t H. and what have you TO
say q gin it? And one and sixpence's the
price Of the stick. Troth. it's cheap -
dirt, 80 1t ia"
Zone and sixpence for q walking
stickl Whewi Why, you are no better
than an impostor to ask l6 pence Tor
what cost you twopence. !"
"Twopence. your grandmothefr 10
piled Mn. Biddy. 'Do you mane to
ssy that's ch' 'ating the people ! ami I'm
postor indeedP'
aye impostri And it's that ! call
yuu to your teeth, 4" rejoined O'C0unell
''Cdme, cut your stick. you oantan-'
ksepus jackanapeA
"KssD . civil tonsps n yous hsal