The record-union., 1897-05-23
THE AMALGAMATBD DUKES.

The two Americans who were sitting
near me in the lee Of the Campania's
deck-house had been comparing notes
of their experiences in England. One
of them had just remarked that the no.
blemen were the curse of the country,
and denounced them as pack of proud
oppressors who fattened on the life
blood of their countrymen.
Hold on Bit exclaimed his COM
panion. Il used to think pretty much
as you do, but know now that was
all wrong; and I've a right to know
something of the subject, seeing as
have been an English Duke myself
What are you givin' us?" said the
other, disdainfully. You're an Amer
lean citizen, and you can't be Duke,
not even if you tried to be-"
"All the same" replied the apologist
for the English nobility, Il was Duke
for pretty near two months, or at all
events 1 thought 1 was, and my neigh
bors thought so, too, which was about
the same thing. I'll tell you all about
it.
Il was living up at Skaneateles, in
the State of New York, seven years ago
store. l had spent most of my life in
Skaneateles, and calculated to spend
the rest Of it there, when one day 1
got letter from some fellow in New
York, that I had never heard of, who
wanted to know if I was the son of
Jedidfah Harris, who was born and
lived at bingham, Mass, and the
grandson of Ezekiel Harris. who was
born and lived in Boston, and was at
one time Sheriff of the county. The
letter said that, in case l was the
grandson of Ezekiel, and the son of
Jedidiah, l was the heir to tremen-
dous big estate in England, particulars
of which could be had by writing to
the chap who wrote the letter.
well, it happened that 1 was pre-
cisely the man the chap supposed me to
be, and / wrote and told him SO, offer
ing at the same time to send on proofs
of the truth of what I said in case they
should be needed. The next day l got
a long answer, in which the Rev.
Charles Richardson, which was the
chaps name, said that he had acci-
dentally discovered that / was heir to
an English dukedom, and that he would
send me family tree that would prove
it If l would give him $50 for the ex-
penses he had incurred in searching
into my title. He said that he was a
preacher of the Gospel, and that he
would not dream of asking me to pay
him dollar were it not that he had
become interested in my case and had
spent more money in looking into it
than he could afford. All he wanted
was to be reimbursed for his expenses,
and he assured me that, if 1 paid him
$50, he shouldn't make a cent of profit
out Of it.
Il never should have dreamed that I
could have been a big enough fool to
be taken in by any such cheap swindle,
but no man ever knows how much of
an ass he can be till he comes to the
day of his death. The long and short
of it was that 1 promised to send him
the fifty dollars the moment I received
the proofs that 1 was heir to the duke
dom, and 1 added that if the duke
dom panned out we'll l should be hap
py to make present to the Rev. Rich
ardson'S church. In the course of
day or two more 1 got the pedigree,
beautifully written on a big sheet of
paper, and very convincing and satis-
factory it was. / know it all by heart.
1t said that way back in the last CEN
tury the oldest son of the Duke of Mid
dlesex, John Harris by name, myster-
iously disappeared. and was supposed
to be drowned in consequence of which
his brother Joshua became Duke. Now,
John Harris didn't care to practice as
Duke, SO he had just quietly run
away to Virginia where he settled and
was married. His eldest son. Ezekiel,
went to Boston when he was about
twenty, and eventually became Sher-
iff of the county, and died, and was
buried in the South Congregational
Church-yard. His eldest son was Jed
ldiah, who was my father. The thing
certainly looked straight enough, and
when the Rev. Richardson told me that
if l went to England 1 wouldn't have
the least difficulty in proving my claim,
and that the present Duke was a man
of such notoriously bad character that
the Queen would jump at the chance
OF having him turned out, 1 said to
myself, 'B'gosh! I'll do it You see, 1
wasn't married man. and there
wasn't anybody to tell me to stay at
home and not make a blamed fool of
myself. That's the worst of being single.
Every man needs a wife to say to him
every now and then: Now, don't you
be bigger fool than the Lord made
your remark like that hove in from
time to time does man all the good
in the world
We'll, 1 closed out my grocery busi-
ness and I sailed for England on March
Sd. The ship wasn't very crowded at
little lonesome. However, 1 got ac-
quainted with three other respectable
looking Americans, and we used to
play seven up In the smoking-room ev-
cry afternoon for 10 cents a game. One
DAY one OF my friends, who hailed from
Chicago, lost his 10 cents and paid up
on the spot, remarking as he did so,
No bless obliges! which, as 1 after
ward found out was French, and meant
that nobleman must face the music
every time.
Didn't know before that you had
any nobility out at Chicago said an
other player, who was a Philadelphia.
Might I ask if you're a Duke, or a
Lord, or an Earl?'
The Chicago man looked a little ri1ed,
but for answer he took out a card and
handed it over to the Philadelphia.
read it over his shoulders. and on it
was printed, Duke Of Middlesex, ESQ.,
'Hullo!" think I; here's another
claimant
THE Philadelphia chap, when he had
read the card, pulled out one of his
own cards and threw it down on the
table. There!' says he. I guess you
might as we'll know who the Duke of
Middlesex really is.' The card was