The record-union., 1897-03-01
THE FIRST WORD.
Complaint of a Very Young Gentle.
man,

|
| don't deserve to have baby at all.
| Take my parents. Here I am, just
about to celebrate the first anniversary
of my birthday, and, candidly, at times
| I feel disposed to give up fighting even
here, on the very threshold of a career
| which many experts have agreed to
consider most promising. If it were
not for my bottle holder 1 should have
thrown UP the sponge long ago. My
papa and mamma, to be frank, get on
my nerves and age me; my nurse alone
| has power to calm the storm. The
| truth is that with d first child the aver
age inexperienced young father and
mother expect a jolly deal too much
| The parents of long family take new
| babies as they come, and don't worry
about them, and boast about them,
and look for signs and wonders before
a chap is weaned; but your beginners!
| What my people expected, I don't
know. I try to oblige, but there is al
ways something wrong. If they would
| only leave me to my nurSe-Who is
particularly pleasing and competent
person, and knows her businesS-it
might be better for everybody con-
! cerned And that dS TRUE, because /
have heard her say so a dozen times in
| private. Moreover they-I mean my
| father and mother-lmight give nature
a chance. To hear them you would
think that nature had overlooked me
altogether For instance, ut cannot be
| denied that she was trif1e behind
hand with my first teeth-the four little
| front ones Well, what then? 1t
| Ivy tod n q
| days l didn't want the teeth. My
whole life stretched out before me, and
fortnight more or less without them
made no practical difference. 1 knew
nobody better-that they were on the
| way all right.
| But my parents had read somewhere
at what time the teeth We're due; or
else my doctor, like a fool, had been
worried into giving a definite date; and
when the day arrived and the teeth
didn't, my mother cried and my father
poked about in my mouth with his
| forefnger, until 1 felt I would have
| given something for tooth or two
| just to demonstrate with. 1 couldn't
say what I thought about it, but my
nurse could thank heaven, and did
And then my nad,her said she had pro-
duced a horrid, toothless freak Of ma
ture, and my father went away to town
with face from which all joy in life
had departed.
| 1t was the same look which he wore
for a week during my vaccinating
| troubles. 1t is not too much to say
that he added pang to the horrors of
that circumstance. 1 took" badly, and
came out speckled one morning in con-
sequence. My medical man was sent
| for, and said it was noble arm" :"
| and seemed pleased at what he had
arranged. Well that was good enough
! for me- The man had brought me
! into the world, and I trusted him. But
my father said he had never seen vac
cination speckle a child on the stomach
! in his life (Which was doubtless true)
| and he murmured something about
| second opinion. The doctor was good
natured about it, fortunately; many
practitioners would have thrown up
| the case; but when the speckles went
off my father wrote and apologized
| Babies hate fussiness. But who real
ICES that? Every morning it is, How
| has he slept, nurse?' How is his little
inside, nurse?' How is his precious
outside, nurse 2" HAS that mark where
the cat scratched him gone, nurse?"
| Did 1 hear him crying at 4:30, nurse? p"
| isn't he strangely silent this morning
and puffy under the eyes, nurse?" and
so forth often wonder why my nurse
hangs on at all. My nursemaid asked
her the same question once, when she
| and my mother mad differed about
some little matter involving magnesia;
1 1otv
ped for two reasons: because she got
| ESQ a year for doing so, and because
she thought it would be the next thing
to murder to leave me until my mother
knew her business.
But, mind you, I want to be just to
both my parents. My mamma can
| sing me to sleep with considerable
| judgment and skill; my papa can pick
me up and fling me toward the ceiling
with a nerve and strength which cause
me infinite qualification when / am in
| the vein. But even about a simple
| thing like that he exercises no discre-
| ton. There are occasional times when
| chap doesn't care to be flung up to
! the ceiling How would he like it.
| for instance. the moment after he had
drunk his bottle, or whatever may be
| the equivalent with him?
| Then my mother will interfere with
| the temperature of my bath. She has
conviction, amounting to mania, that
some day 1 shall be boiled alive or
scalded to death. Her idea appears
| to be that l should sit quietly and pa
| tiently while this operation was being
| performed, and suffer nobody to hear
| anything of it until I was cooked to a
turn The result of her alarm is that
1 rarely get my dip at tidy tempera-
tlrre, though everybody likes a real hot
| bath now and then. Thank heaven.
they will grow older, these parents of
| mine. With years must surely come
| experience and wisdom and patience.
| At present. and l say it without the
| least animus. l would not give a
broken rattle for the united knowledge
| of the pair of them.
| 1t was my first experiment in language
that / set out to speak, when other
subject. At ten months, or shade over.
had amassed a vocabulary of three
words-not that three words We're of the
slightest use in dealing with woman
like my mamma; but did my best with
them The second and third were
more or less trivial expressions of good
feeling, depending for their result on my
infection of voice; the first, of which l
want more particularly to speak, Gre
ated some sensation in its way and in
deed, produced a sort Of result so start
| ling that have never to this moment
entirely fathomed the significance of it.