The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-08-25
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

Promptness is the art of waiting for
other people. Life.
If some men had brains in proper
tion TO their gall, the whole world
would be subject to foreclosure at their
pleasure. Life.
man must toll ere pleasures thrill
Relieves this life so vexed.
You've got to pedal up one hill
Ere you can coast the next.
Washington Star.
Give dollarsi" exclaimed an indig-
nant man who had used the lonR-dis-
tance phone for as many minutes,
"and yet they say talk is cheap. -
Judge.
First Bathsr-'What makes the
water so full of weeds?" Second
Bather-"I counted eight widows in
bathing this mt~ning. Philadelphia
Record.
She-'T never expected to work
like this when l married you" He
-"I didn't suppose you cared. You
worked hard enough to get me, didn't
you?"-Indianapolis Journal
A swell yachting club from Duquesno
Ntlb Sulllik bnt NilN On inc llt5utt
But the white-winged yacht
Rocked until the whole lacht
All wished for dry land once agesne.
Puck.
''Sad about the Duzenstickers.
whats the matter?" "They've lived
together fifteen years, and they never
had quarrel until lately, when they
bought bicycles of different makes"
Chicago Record.
Her Tiresome Admirer-'T don't
believe you have thought of me since
I've been away" She-"Well, you
know very well that the doctor gave
me strict orders to do nothing that
would tire me. Standard.
The Court Gentlemen of the jury,
have you agreed upon verdict"
Foreman lin the Far Vest "The
gents has, but that stubborn cuss in
e. No. seat won't agree with us. -
Philadelphia North American.
''NIrs. Meeker," observed Il friend
of the family, 'is II very superior wo-
man. She can converse intelligently,
/ believe, on thousand different
topics" eyes" sighed Mr.. Meeker,
"aud she does. Chicago Tribune.
Marriage" said the puffy man,
"made me what ! am to-day. Marriage
is the mighty engine of civilization.
"Then," remarked McCorker, ''you
are not self, but machine made, 1 sup
pose Philadelphia North American.
"'What in the world is Smithers
building on the lot next door?" "a
cold storage house" "To keep his
meats and groceries from spoilingP"
''No; to keep his daily supply of ice
from melting away. Cincinnati Tri-
bune.
GLOW fashions do changep ex-
claimed Mrs Snaggs. THAT is very
true, asserted Mr.. Snaggs. "Women
used to wear dresses, then they began
to wear gowns, and now they wear
frocks. "-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
Blinks (after long absence)-"And
how is Jinks getting along? Is he
madly in love with Miss De Pretty as
ever?' Old Friend-"Ohl he's all
over that" ''You don't say SOP"
eyes, indeedl Been married to her
year. New York Weekly
"What do you mean, sir, roared
the irate father, "by bringing your
portmanteau to my house and ordering
q room?" 'I'm adopted as one of the
family" coolly answered the young
man. "Your daughter said she would
be sister to me. Standard.
Wheeler-"Have you learned TO
make the repairs on your wheel yet?"
Sprock l never shall, either.
/ haven't bit of mechanical genius.
ooh, yes, you have" Indeed, l
haven't. l couldn't even invent car
coupler Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Do you think, said the lady who
was shopping, that anybody would
steal this umbrella il were TO leave it
for few minutes?" "Really, madam, !"
replied the clerk, 81 shouldn't like to
venture au opinion without first ex-
amining the umbrella, Washington
/ Star.
Salesman-"If the goods are not
Just as represented, we will cheerfully
refund your money" Rural Gus
tomer-''Don't tell me sech yarns as
that, young mani Ye might gimme
me money back, but 'tain't human ma
tur fer yo to be cheerful about doin'
| it. Puck.
~ suppose" said the amateur
botanist, "that orchids are the most
expensive plants in the world. 81
am not so sure of that, replied Mr..
Dmwiddie. II have seen the asser-
ton that $500, 600, 600 is invested in
electric-light plants in this country.
-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.