The Van Buren press., 1897-02-06
HIS FLYING CAT.
8Y w. L. ALDEN.

"Sparrows," said the colonel, "may be
very upright, respectable, middle-class
birds SO long as they stay in England,
but when they emigrate to America,
they are no better than the average of
our working classes. Some meddling
idiot brought lot of sparrows to the
states some ten or fifteen years ago, eX-
pecting they wouldkill all the worms on
the fruit trees. They hadn't been in the
country six months when they took the
ground that they were as good as the
best OF our swell birds, and that they
considered that killing worms was a
degrading kind of labor fit only for
blackbirds and crows. So they took
TO living on wheat, and strawberries,
and cherries, and they multiplied so
fast that they are the worst curse that
the farmer and the fruit grower ever
had
prof. Van Wagner and l were dis
cussing the sparrow question one day,
and was complaining of the inefficiency
of the American cat. Our cats are about
as wide-awalle and as monarchial cats
as you can produce, but they can't
catch single sparrow. I've known
ambitious cats who set out to catch
sparrows, and who wasted away to
mere skeletons, and died of weakness
through watching for sparrows from
dawn to darkness, and never once get
ting within ten feet of one. As gen
eral rule I don't have much sympathy
for cats, but the insulting language
that sparrows use when they see cat
laying for them, and the aggragating
way in which they will fly just over the
cats head, or maybe hit the cat over the
tail with their wings, is more than any
cat can be expected to bear.
"'The trouble is said Van WAGNER,
that the cat isn't % flying animal and
the sparrow is. The sparrow's native
element is the air, and you can't expect
cat to catch a sparrow so long as the
cat can't fly
"'That's true said I, but it don't
help us out of our difficulty. Cat'swerent
made with wings, and neither you nor
can invent new model of cat that will
be able to fly, and to catch sparrows on
the wing
"'Don't be too sure of that said the
professor. Science has improved
everything that it has put its hand to,
and 1 see no reason why science
shouldn't improve cats. A flying cat
would supply q great public want, for
she would kill off the sparrows as easily
as she kills off the mice. I've half a
mind to try the experiment of inventing
flying cat
"All right said I. When you get
your flying cat finished just notify ME,
and I'll come and see her fly. Then, II
you ere going in for improving animals,
perhaps you will invent a cat that can
sing like o. nightingale. The present
style of singing among cats is disgrace
full. They haven't any more idea OF
music than Chinaman.'
"Well, the professor buckled down tc
business, and from his daily interviews
with his private cat, and the consequent
scratches that diversified his good old
scientific countenance, l judged that he
was doing his best to make cat that
would fly. Before the six weeks were
up he sent me a note inviting me tc
come round to his house at two O'Clock
| the next afternoon to see the first sue
cessful flying cat that had ever been III
vented / needn't say that l went.
had assisted at the birth of dozens O.
Van Wagener's inventions, and l ha(
generally found that the presence of {
man with experience in the treatmen
of accidents was handy thing so ia,
as the professor was concerned.
"'You know, colonel said he, my
method as an inventor. | ask mysel
what is needed in some particular pur
pose, and then l proceed to supply tina
need. Most people think that an in
ventor has ideas come to him all OF {
sudden, in q supernatural sort of way
hut that is all nonsense. Inventing is
business, like any other, and any intel
| ligent man can learn it. Now, when
saw that the reason why cats don
catch spaIrows is that they can't fl,
after the bird, ! saw what was wantet
was a flying cat, and proceeded to in
vent one. Here / have a small balloon
! This | fix to that cat of mine, and whel
it is inflated it will just support tn
weight of the cat in the air. Then 20,
see this pair Of paddle-wheels. The.
are to be fixed one ON each side of th
cat, and are to be driven by small cleo
trical engine. The balloon floats the ca
and the paddlewheels propel her. i
order to steer the cat fix fiat piece o
tin to the extremity of her tail. Whel
she sees a sparrow her instinct vii
make her swish her tail from one sid
to the other, and her attention beint
fastened on catching the bird, she vii
unconsciously work her tail in such
way as to steer her directly towards IL
ut wasn't an easy job to rig up Va
Wageners cat. She kicked and swor
her level best, and got in several goo
scratches on the professors hand
However, he stuck to his task, and afte
awhile the cat was ready, and we az
journed to the backyard. There was
whole gang of sparrows in the middl
OF the yard, forming a sort of ringroun
two that were fighting, and from tn
way in which every sparrow was tall
ing at the top of his voice il was clea
that some heavy betting on the fgh
was in progress. When they saw Va
Wagner and his cat, they natural
few up TO the caves of the house, when
the fighting was resumed. Van Wager
er took his flying cat TO the extremit