Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-02-04
BRO. GARDENERS LECTURE.
The Veteran Speaker Airs His Views
on Goodness Before His Club.

),
1T is wild mingled feelin's of pleasure
| and sorrow dat l announce to you de
| Hon. Comeback Thompson, VINO has
| bin a member of dis LimeKiln Club fur
| &c past ten vars. feel to rejoice dat
| he am through wild life's truDbles an
| has gwine to a better land. an | sorry
dat he didn't hev better time doorin'
| his sojOurn on airth.
He Was a Good Man.
'Brudder Thompson was a good man
in all dat de term implies, an dat's de
| reason he was glad to go when death
! called him. An experience of sixty
vars had proved to him dat goodness
didn't pay one per cent on de capital
| invested. l knowed him for ober
fifty Vars, an knOwed all his pecooli-
arities. Doorin' his lifetime he lent to
his frens an nayburs, 46O psf umbrel-
las, an he nebber got but two of EN-
back, an dat was by accident. Fur
twenty vars he libed next doah 10 a
woodward an nebber stole a splinter.
an VT de woodward man wouldn't chen
send q bunch of roses to his funeral
He fingered up dat in fo'ty vars he lost
10000 watermillyons from his garden;
! an ylt no man was ginerous huff 10
/ leave de rinds behind to feed de pig.
| He nebber lent his wheelbarrer dat it
didn't git broke, an he nebber lent his
crowbar dat he didn't hev lawsuit to
git it back. If he lent 81 de pusson
who borrowed it allus run away or got
struck by lightnin' If he borrowed a
dollar de lender allus jumped on him
wild boat feet to git it back. If Rrud-
der thompson never got ready to 80 to
circus or a picnic some naybur got
kicked by a mewl or run ober by a
street kyar, an de ole man would sac
rlTlce MS pleasure to act as nurse and
CONSIDER. Oar was a hole in de side
walk in front of his house. an fur
twenty Vars he hung a lantern on his
gate to warn pedestrians agin de peril.
NOT only was he laughed at fur his
pains, but de lantern was stolen so
OFTEN dat de ole man had to go widout
Eaters and sugar to buy new ones.
! People who stole de cowcumb ers from
his leetle garden an got a case of de
collie had de cheek to send to his house
fur remedies, an mo- dan fifteen diff
! erent fam lies used his washbo'd his
nat-lrons am his fine comb. AS a
! good mana man who wanted to do de
! squar thing by his Teller man-Brud-
! der thompson was at de head of de
| purceshun. Nebber in all de vars 7
knoWed him did he cease dom good or
! utter one complaint about de wav de
world used him.
An de odder day he was called
home. One of the Iast thing ba did
was to lend a naybur his wash-tub and
clothes bars, an de ole man was skass-
~ dead befo' dat naybur traded de
things off fur yaller parrot which was
bin in one eye! Only three or TO-
! pussOns visited him doorin' his illness,
an one keeridge held al de mourners
dat followed him to his grave Jest
beto, We lef de house fur de sad Journey
man arrove fur de purpose of borrow
IN Gle cook stove fur a week or two. an
when he Harmed dat Brudder Thomp-
son was dead he also wanted to borrow
! de back doah an two beds. Takin'
not only dis case, but my own ex-
! perience an dat of others, I am free
to say to yo' dis evenin' dat goodness
pint, but nebber go beyond it. If a
naybur sends yo' a free ticket to a cake
| don't pay. 1t am my serus an airnest
advice to yo' not to be to good. Dere
amt any money in it. Dere amt any
gratitood in it. Dere amt any salts
fackshun in it. Bein' too good means
comm down from roast beef an sweet
'aters, to a. mighty thin porridge an
crust coffee. Be coed UP to a sartin
walk yo' kin reciprocate by sending
him pound of dried apples, but stop
right there If yo' should send him
ten-dGllar box. to de theatre he'd only
look upon yo' as a. soft snap. In de
vars gone by I took Brudder Thomp
son as an example an tried to be as
good as he was. 1t didn't take me but
three months to diskiver dat l was
gallopin' to de poorhouse If I Dor
rowed dollar of a friend he turned
aroun' an axed fur loan of five If
[ told man I believed in his honour
he got my money an I got his word.
If [ accepted pump-kin-pie from a
naybur, l son found dat he wanted to
borrow my mewI fur week to make
chen. had to quit bein' too good or
lib on roots.
Don't be too good, an don't be too
bad. Oars happy medium which yo'
kin strike if yo' figger a leetle. went
to work to figger, an I think i've got it.
eff yo' want to trade nevis wild a
man allus fix it so dat he'll cum to yo'
fust. In dat case he won't be half so
apt to look fur spavins on yo'r mewl
L nebber beat a church out O. my
pew rent, but five pennies will make
mo- clatter on de contribushun plate
dan a teL-dollar bill.
If yo' hev a old hoe an yo' naybur
has new shovel allus be de fust to
offer to lend
DE higher rates Of interest yo'
charge a man who wants to borrow
money de quicker yo' kin discourage
him from doin bizness outside de
banks.
IF yo' want to buy of man, wait
till he am hard up, an am obleeged to
sell. If yo' am hard up an want to
sell doan' let anybody know it.
BE seen at church cherry Sunday as
a rule but if dar am any money to be
picked up around a circus or a boss
race don't let muffin keep yo' away.
Il don't advise W. to bet or play
DoLnr br7+ If va wiz, coz IN . Droci5o7,