New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-04-21

vocalist was lunching at. . restaurant
and ordered s'floaling island 9 popu-
lar entrement. In due course it arrived,
and on It's snowy surface three little red
ants were having q cheap picnic and
wriggling about in ecstatic contortions
on the banquet they were enjoying.
I"Waiter," said Miss Russell, Il asked
you for an island, but expressed no de-
sire to have it inhabited. Take it away
and bring me dessert island. New
York World.
a Scotchman was, taken by an Ameri-
can friend to visit Niagara Falls. Al
ready his feelings as patriot had been
a little frosted by the persistent blowing
Of his conductor on the greatness of
things American. aDid you ever behold
any thing so wonderful as that?' asked
the guide. SAY, mon, at PEBBLES I saw
a peacock wi wudden Leg was the UNI
expected reply London Household
Words.
A Judge on the Pacific coast, noted
for his tendency 20 explain things to
his juries, expressed in recent case his
own ideas with such:force that he thought
it almost unnecessary for the Jurors to
leave the box. They did leave it, how
ever, and were out hours. 1nquiring as
to the trouble the Judge was told that
one of the twelve Jurors was standing out
against the eleven. He summoned the
jury and rebuked the recalcitrant sharp
ly. \aYour honor" said the juror, ''may
I say word?" eyes, sir said the in
dignant judge. "What have you to say?"
"Well, what wanted TO say is that am
the only. fellow that's on your side."-.
San, Francisco Wave.
A Swede went into lawyers Office at
Sigourney, Iowa, the other day to get
him to make out a conveyance for some
land which he had purchased. He said
he wanted mortgage, but the lawyer
said he should have warranty deed.
"No," replied the Swede, II once had
warranty deed to a farm, but another
man held a mortgage and got the land.
I want mortgage"
A tramp is reported, by the Washing
ton Star, to have approached the lady of
a certain house in Washington Tor a
meal as follows: 'Ma,lam, I don't want
yer tel misjudge me in connection with
that proposition of yours ter saw wood
fer me dinner. There amt nothin' thet
'ud give me more satisfaction than ter
bun oh myself up alongside o. that stack
O. logs an spread sawdust all over the
scenery. But I'll have ter make con-
fession. You have an honest face, ma am.
an think I kin trust YOU" "That's
more than can DO tor you," remarked
the lady of the house. -.....
switch is precisely wat l wus goin'
ter say" continued Meandering Mike.
''It's humiliatln' thing ter own up TO,
but I'm kleptomaniac, an eff was ter
put my hands on that saw I'd be sure to
steal it," S..
He sat in smoking compartment of
the parlor car, complacently putting a
perfecto. His easy manner and his pol
ished language proclaimed him to be a
man of the world. "Of one thing am
certain" he said, sand that is, that un-
derstand women thoroughly and COM
pletely." His fellow passengers looked
at each other uneasily, and made various
excuses to leave the compartment. Two
keepers boarded the train at the next
station and took the solitary smoker in
to custody. He had escaped from an in
sane asylum that morning. New York
Herald. TIL
Columbia Spectator: Herr Oil-Haf
you heard dot dog of mine ate tape