Arizona silver belt., 1897-05-13
OH, WHAT A TIME 1
How "Booxe" Guided a 6elatetl Hus-
 band Into Haven of Rest,

Booze that euphonious syllable under which so much alleged whisky is sold, has doubtless caused moro re. grct, remorse and reformers than any other commodity in daily use. Still, booze-like other bad thiugs-is oc- casionally responsible for good ac- tion, funny incident, and, as some philosopher has said, if it was not for whisky there would be no teetotalcrs. The following incident will, therefore, be appreciated by those who indulge, as truthful portrayal of their physical condition in the morning, and by those who do not indulge, as an example of what man may become If he is an ex- cessive drinker. It would scarcely be fair to the man who is tue hero of tLis comedy to use his correct name, us he tells the story himself, Call him Johnson. ......
 It was about the hour of 4;30 that Mir. Johnson wandered home last Mon day morning. The rising sun had touched the eastern sky with roseate hues. which appeared to Mir. Johnson the more rosy because of his condition. All nature seemed to sing Tn joy, and it appeared to Mr. Johnson as ii all nature was singing within few feet of him, so loud was the song. The earth was like great -go.round, and Mir. Johnson was dizzy. But calm, and as collected as he well could be, he carefully applied his latchkey to one of the numerous keyholes in the door, and at last having found the right one he carefully opened the door, and as carefully closed it after him. Slowly he tiptoed upstairs to his room. For once Mir. Johnson was in luck. His spouse lay calmly sleeping there, and he congratulated himself that his late arrival would pass uunoticed. First he took off his collar and necktIe and placed them on the dresser. Then he tiptoed easily 10 chair and unlaced one shoe. But alas, in his haste he let it drop upon tue floor, and the thud broke the silence of the morning.
 The spouse turned uneasily. Then she looked at her husband, who was awaiting developments with fear iu his heart.
 "Wby, Henry, why are you getting up so early?'
 And Henry muttercd something about the early bird being worth two in the bush, said there wonld be beautiful sunrise, laced up his other shoe and put on his collar and necktie again, under the watchful eye of hIs wife. Then he went downstairs, opened the front door and shut it with bang, sat down in the parlor and took of his shoes and crept up the backstairs to the guests chamber, where he disrobed, and was soon sleep ing the sleep which only unlimited quantities of booze eau bring.
 Five hours later MT. Johnson awuke with m aching head and Il dim recol lection of tue previous night. He looked about him, but Le saw nothing which told him where he was. His bed was in the center of the room, while around him was row of wooden horses, and about him were stacked pots and pails, bottles and brushes, rolls of paper and buckets of paste, On the horses were blanks, and on the platform just above him two villainous- looking men were washing the ceiling and letting great drops of kalsomine fall down on MT. Johnson's face. Ex- l eepting the bed, there was no furniture in the room, and his clothes were not i to be seen. Then, with returning faculties, Mir. Johnson remembered | that the guest chamber was to be | renovated. His wife, unconscious of | his presence there, had told the serv. snt to clear the room, and told the | painters to go to work.
 NIT. Johnson promised one of the decorators Sl to go find his clothes. His wife had gone ''a-mafketing," aud he escaped without letting her know of the affair, after giving the servant 75c, all he had left He walked downtown, and is now in constant fear of that girl.
 But he has sworn on--at least he says ho has.