The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1897-07-15
HUMOROUS.

uI-lJACubt llld an, bus
are you married? Would-Be Voter
Oh, sir, this is so sudden!
''Here are the eggs, num-" Lay
hem on the table. - I'm not the hen,
mum; I'm the grocer's boy"
1t is the easiest thing in the world
20 get married. All you have to do is
20 find bigger fool than you are.
Caller-Can / see Mr.. Jones tonight?
5ervant-MrJo Jones begs to be excused
sonoight-he doied this afternoon.
Gobang - Contentment is better
than wealth, my boy. My Boy-It
ought to be- 1t is a mighty sight
harder to get.
GLOW that bald Mr.. Skinner does
perspirer' eyes; he keeps his office
boy doing nothing else but using a
blotting pad on his head"
Yabsley-Did you ever make mis-
take in the dark and kiss the wrong
girl? Mudge-No. / have made such
mistake and kissed some other girl.
He-If we should decide to elope
tomorrow night, do You think you
could get your trunk packed in time?
ohe-Oh, yes; pa and ma would help
me!
She-I think you had better send
mp another rat-trap, John. He-But
[ bought one only the other day.
5he-I know but there is rat in that
one.
X-You, member of the Society
c Crua1+1- 1onl vour
horses tailsl Is it possible? Z
Why, of course. 1 want to protect the
dies.
81 hear that you are in business for
yourself now. 81 thought was; but
from the little | get out OF 1t, 1t ap-
pears that am i'll business for other
people.
Teacher-You may explain the diff
ference. Mabel, between climate and
weather. Mabel-Climate is what we
have all the time, but weather lasts
only few days.
Peddler- Selling a tooth -brush)
These are the best tooth brushes in the
world. Customer Haven't you any
better ones? Peddler-Oh, yes; here
are some better ones.
Mrs. Mater-I wonder what makes
that dog so afraid of me? He always
acts as if he thought l was going to
half kill him. Little Daughter
dess he's seen you 'pankin me.
He(rising to say goodnight We'll,
T really must go, Miss Caroline. I've
enjoyed myself immensely. Boston
Maid with frigid ENTHUSIASTICALLY,
I'm glad, I'm sure. 1 have enjoyed
you too.
Mrs. Kuddler - Do you know,
George, that everybody says the baby
is lust like me? Mr.. Kuddler-Non-
sense. Anne. The baby is now more
than six months old and it has never
spoken word.
I'm sure" said the girl who is en-
gagged. ''that Herbert is prize.
"Yes,'' replied Miss Cayenne; but IN
a case of this kind it's so difficult to
tell whether you've won first prize
or BOBBY prize.
To young soldier wounded IN bat
tie the surgeon remarked that he
could see his brain. The poor patient
exclaimed: "Oh, please write home
and tell father, for he always SAID that
l never had any"
He-I am rather in favor of the
English than the American mode OF
spelling. She-Yes? He-1es, IN
deed! Take ''parlour, for instance.
Having ''u'' in it makes all the dlifer-
1000 -, ba world
He-They have carried these musl-
Gales so far that it is positive torture
TO listen to them. Sle-Yes; there
are some people who believe they are
whole orchestra, simply because
they have drum in their ear.
"They didn't have all this slang and
idleness in nv day." said Grandma.
''When a girl meant no she SAID no,
and she put in her time knitting
..And now," said Gladys Edith, IN
stead of knitting and saying no., the
girls are knowing and saying nit.
Careful Parent--Before l can give
consent to your proposed marriage to
nv daughter / must know something
about your character. Sultor-Cer-
tainly, sir, certainly. Here is my
handbook. Careful Parent latter a
glance)-Take her, my son, and be
happy.
ssDid you hear about Grawler?" SAID
the man with the long mustaehe: he
bet Smithers hundred dollars that he
could live ON bread and water fifteen
days." "What did he do with the
money?'' asked the man in the corner.
'sThey bought his coffin with it. his
wife insisted on making the bread.