The San Francisco call., 1897-10-03

Mr.. Virgins manfully tries to keep awake
every Sunday, and the occupants of the
other houses were guaranteed by the agent
to be everything that was lovely in the
way of neigh bors.
The Virgins family moved, OF course,
and then Mr.. Virgins troubles began.
The houses were charming, with bulging
bay-windows, quantities OF colored glass
and unlimited jigsaw adornmenus,. but
they were as like as peas in pod, and
Mr.. Virgins is both near-sighted and
absent-minded.
A few days after taking possession OF
his new abode he came home and found a
dog reposing on his doormat. Mr.. Wig
gins abominates a dog, both as a carrier
and distributor of heas and for itself
alone, therefore he proceeded to Kick this
one down the steps with neainess and dis
patch, to the canine's evident astonish-
ment and loudly expire ssed dissatisfac ton.
No sooner did his ki-yis begin 10 rend the
air than the door opened and tall and
extremely irate female, arrayed in a
gorgeous teagown, appeared upon the
threshold and demanded to know, in
tones the reverse of amiable, what possi-
BILE right he thought he had to come up
there and kick her own dog-her blessed
little Mopsy-off her own porch.
He had made a mistake and turned in at
the gate of house number two, instead oil
his own, and although he made full ex-
plantations and most humble apology, it
was quite evident that he had created
against himself in the mind OF his fair
neighbor prejudice that could not easily
be dispelled.
Admission day Mr.. Virgins passed in the
bosom OF his family. and, as usual, spent
good deal of his time in hand to- hand
conflicts with his various offspring, whom
he declares are utterly spoiled by their
mother while he is at his Office.
The youngest, a boy o.: 5, is especially
obstreperous, and always appears to act
his worst when his father is at hand to OBJ
serve and lecture about it. He rather out
did even himself on this particular morn
ing, and succeeded i'll getting an extremely
raw edge on his papa's temper, although
open hostilities were not entered into
until, because he was not allowed to go
downtown with his elder brother, he set
up a yell that would well nigh cause q
Comanche Indian to pale with envy, and
ESPs ~ op 4NSai0iSoo Va puASlldk COlll-
mands and threats.
At this juncture Mrs. Virgins requested
her husband to run after the departing
one with package which she wished him
10 carry to a friend, and which he had for
gotten to take with him.
Mr.. Virgins obeyed her mandate, leav-
ing the door open behind him, and coming
back found his youthful antagonists ill sit
ting blubbering on the stairs. To pick him
up, invert him, and place a few solid
slaps where they would do the most good
was but the work of a moment, but as he
put him down TO cool off and mediate
upon the undesirability of defying the
paternal orders, an extremely indignant
gentleman came upon the scene from the
interior of the house and wanted to
know, you KNOW" in decidedly vigorous
ana idiomatic English. 1t was his right
hand neighbor, whose door had also stood
open, and his Own son was still bowling
unchastised in the hall next door.
Last Tuesday was unusually warm, and
Mr.. Virgins had hard day at the office.
So it was that when, after the children
had gone to bed, his brother-in-,aw, who
had dropped in for the evening, expressed
a wish for some steam beer, he acquiesced
in the idea at once.
Provided with large glass pitcher, he
FASTENED to the nearest grocery and in
vested dime in the foaming, ice cold
beverage. Deity concealing his purchase
with an open newspaper-since it is not
his habit to indulge in such designations.
and be felt guilty accordingly-he hurried
up the street, dashed into the area door.
threw the paper on the floor and set his
overfowing pitcher in the center of the
dining-table.
Hurry up with the glasses, Susan" he
said, "and don't make US wait until it's as
fat as a founder. l can't abide it that
way"
And then-and not till then-he per.
ceived that instead of his wife and her
brother it was the Rev. Mr.. Blank and his
helpmate before whom he had set his per-
nicious and reprshensible refreshments
and that they were both shocked into
horriied and stony silence by this sudden