The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1897-12-10

Isaacs-"Haf a cigar CohenT Cohen
watts der madden NIT It?"-Truth.
Clerk -"You say you Will take this
hammock. mIssT She-"Yes, but I
want two Of them" Clerk-"yery well.
madam. Life.
A stumbling block: what is the OBJ
lection OF the politicians to the civil
service reform SYSTEM The exam
nation questions Truth.
Clergyman-"My boy, do you know
it's wicked to fish on the Sabbathfv
Youngster-'I isn't fishing; I'm teach
Ing this ere wurm to swim. Tit Bits.
Benedict (proudly)-"My wife kisses
me good night regularly" Rounder
bitterly)-"Women are suspicious crea-
lures, amt they Y-Boston Herald.
First Boarder-"I wonder the land
lady lets him stay; everybody can see
that he drinks" Second Boarder-
Yes; but he never has any appetite in
the morning. Punch.
Cook ito policeman)-"Ho neatly
you carve that goosew with a sudden
outbuist of jealousy you have de-
ceived mel | am not your first love"
-Fliegende Batter.
"Why, George, you haven't smoked
any OF those cigars l gave you for a
birthday presently" mo, dear. 1
couldn't find it In my heart TO burn any
thing you gave me.'-Jugend
Yeast-"That man Doughton is very
skeptical. Unless he sees thing. he
won't believe it exists" Crimsonbeak
He never ran into a rocking chair in
the dark, then Y'-Yonkers Stateman.
What do you regard as the most i'm
portant event of the century," asked
the philosopher. "Well" answered the
wheelman, ''the finish is about as salts
factory as any part of the run."-Truth.
TIbbs-"She is not only fine-looking
girl. but they say she has fifty thousand
pounds in her own right" Nibbs-
What would you do if you had wife
like thatT Squibbs-"Nothing"
Judy.
81, said the pompous actor, twas
once where the shells fell so thick and
fast that to escape them was impossi-
bic" And you are alive to tell it?"
"Oh. yes. The shells were loaded with
egg.'-Detroit Free Press.
Farmer Summerboard Ito his SOM
''Enoch. guess it's about time to prune
them vines" Miss Citigirl lone of the
boarders)-"Oh, do you raise your own
prunes? I thought you bought rhem at
the grocery PUCK.
"They say. Grumpy, that the Queen
Of England has sixty pianos, and does
MT play any of them" I'm a little bit
cramped this spring. but I'll buy my
daughter fifty-nine more if she'll follow
the queens example" Household
Words.
Mr.. Grabenthal-"Little key has
ruined dot typewriter got him for his
birthday" Mrs. Grabenthal-"vo has
he done with the. beautiful type
wrterT Mr. Grabenthal-"IIe has got
der dollar-mark worm oudt alreadyr'-
Truth.
Actress (who thinks of having her
diamonds stolen for the sake Of the ad-
vertiscment)-"Ha any one ever been
robbed at this hotelT' Guest Summer
hotell-"None of my friends have. We
all took the precaution to settle about
rates before we came."-New York
Weekly.
did I understand you to say that
you didn't have any company in the
kitchen while was out. Katief' "Yis,
mum; that's what / said" But smell
the tobacco from pipe all through the
house, ''Yis. mum; the policeman was
in for half an hour, mum. but we were
in the arlor."-Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Cobwigger-'I've been reading
an article entitled WIN the New wo-
man Smoker What do you think. my
dearg Cobwigger-"lf she does she'll
soon die out" Mrs. Cobwigger-"How
SOP Because she'll buy
bargain counter cigars at 40 cents a
box."--New York Journal.
what would you do If l turned you
DOWN. she shyly asked. as they sat on
the sofa. The young man looked
straight ahead, but said nothing. After
n silence lasting about a minute and
half She nudged him with her elbow and
SAID. Didn't you hear my question::
He looked around, alarmed Il beg
your pardon" he replied; Il thought
you were addressing the gas."-Puck.
Last night" said the Pessimlst. Il
went all over this town trying to find
person who seemed to be enjoying him
self" How many did you find?"
Not one" said the Pessimist, gloomily.
IF you had come up to my loom about
twelve-thirty." remarked the Optimist.
''you might have seen one" "Humph,"
said the Pessimist. land what were YOU
doingT Il was asleep said the OPP
timist.-Boston Budget