The Winslow mail., 1897-12-18
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Wordsworth: civilian has come back
tired; he has spent all the day in think
Ing of an adjective for the cuckoo"
His majesty of Siam is liberal with
his orders. He recently gave an Ital-
Ian painter (for painting one Of his
wives from a photography ''the Grand
Cross of the Siamese Crown" 1t Is
rather a large order. "This cross"
said his majesty, graciously, will en-
title you to marry twelve wives; it is a
distinction 1 seldom confer, so 1 hope
you will soon make good use Of It,"
An eminent preacher, who prided
himself upon his ability to discourse
without the aid Of notes, once got into
the pulpit; but, when he found himself
face to face with his congregation, his
ideas vanished, bis mind was blank.
He tapped his forehead, but In vain,
his ideas would not come. My
friends" he said, 81 pity you; you have
lost a fine sermon" and he descended
the pulpit steps.
Two freight engines collided near the
Kentucky town of Whitlock recently.
Both were pretty badly damaged, and
one engineer was discharged for care
/ lessness and disobedience of orders.
The funniest thing about the matter
was the answer of the disObedient en-
gineer to the other, who asked, Didn't
you have orders to meet me at Whit
lock?' "Well, d-n 1t, hain't 1 met
you?" said the engineer who caused
the head-on collision.
A friend Of mine, says James Payn,
had a colonial acquaintance who was
very like a certain eminent diplomat
Ist, and plumed himself upon it. My
friend met him one evening at recep-
ton, with ever so large a star on his
breast. "Oh, come, Jack, this won't
do! / don't believe there are orders of
that size in the other hemisphere.
Where did you get 1t fromW The
much decorated one smiled sweetly on
him, and replied in excellent English.
81 received it from my sovereign, sir;
think you are in some error. l am the
- ambassador"
Conan Doyle tells a story Of friend
Of his who had often been told that
there is a skeleton in the cupboard Of
every household, no matter how re-
spectacle that household may be; and
he determined to put this opinion to a
practical test Selecting for the SUBJ
ject of his experiment venerable
archdeacon of the church, against
whom the most censoriouS critic had
never breathed a word, he went to the
nearest postoffice and dispatched this
telegram to the reverend gentleman:
"All is discovered Fly at oncew The
archdeacon disappeared and has never
been heard Of since.
The Bishop of Worcester, England,
once had occasion to travel through
Banbury by rail. Being desirous to
test and at the same time to encourage
the far-famed industry Of that town,
he beckoned a small boy and inquired
the price of the celebrated buns
'"Threepence each," said the boy. The
/ bishop thereupon handed him sixpence
and desired him to bring one to the
car, adding: "And with the other three
pence you may buy one for yourself"
The boy shortly returned, complacent-
ly munching his Banbury, and, hand
ing the threepence in coppers to the
bishop, exclaimed: "There was only
one left, guv'nor."
A careless mason dropped a brick
from the second story Of building on
which he was at work. Leaning over
the wall and glancing downward, he
discovered a respectable citizen with
his silk hat jammed over his eyes and
ears, rising from a. recumbent posture.
The mason, in tones Of apprehension,
inquired, did that brick hit any one
down therep The citizen, with great
difficulty extricating himself from the
extinguisher into which his hat had
been converted, replied, with consider
able wrath, Eyes, sir, it did. 1t hit
me-" "Thats right" exclaimed the
mason, In tones Of undisguised admira-
ton; "noble man, l would rather have
wasted thousand bricks than have
you tell me lie about It,"
Some years ago Judge Stipp, of
Princeton, was pleading a damage case
before the Illinois Supreme bench. A
short time before the court had decid-
ed an almost similar case, in which
one of the parties had lost fingers,
against the injured man, saying in
their decision: "The party being an at
torney, his injury does not keep him
from climbing those heights where
fames proud temple shines affair."" Mr..
Stipp was deep in the point Of law
when his remarks were interrupted by
the Justice who wrote the former de-
cision, who said: "Was not this point
covered in decision short time ago
by this court?" "Yes, your honor" re-
piled the attorney, 'it was, but my
client has lost his toes, and has no
claws to climb those heights ETC."
The other justices smiled audibly and
the lawyer was allowed to finish in
peace.
The late Senator George, of Missis-
sippi. was an agnostic, while his wife
was deeply religious. She placed a
neighboring Baptist minister on his
trail and he got no peace. Once, rid
ing slowly home from Carrollton and
reading his mail, the preacher burst
out of the woods on his right hand and
began. They came to a creek and cross
ed it. 1t was, in the Senator's Ian
guage, "saddle-pocket deep" On the
further bank he dismounted. "Git
down." he said, f1ercely. The minister
looked et him doubtfully. He feared