Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1897-01-07
BROTHER BANGS OUT.
HE RESIGNS FROM THE coLoRED cY-
cusTS FAMOUS CLUB.

cLIsTS FAMOUS CLUB.
The Widow Gets Married. and the Old
Man Concludes That the Bike Is Too
Much For HIm-The Strange Case Of
Brother sardanapaius Jackson
When the meeting had been duly open
sd, President Toots announced the follow
ing rules and regulations to govern for the
hll and winter season:
Every member must provide himself
with q red flannel chest protector with the
monogram Of the club on it. 1t can be
worn on the chest, on the back or any
place the owner elects.
"While the club believes that stockings
are healthy and attract admiration, such
members as desire to go barefoot in their
shoes can do so without prejudice to their
standing.
"It has been suggested that sleigh bells
would add to the picturesqueness of the
bike during the winter season, but men,
bers can exercise their own Judgment
"No way has yet been invented to warm
she pedals in winter, but it is believed that
cayenne pepper in the riders shoes, with
plenty of mustard rubbed on the handle
bars, will prevent frost bites and chill
blains.
"This club having been organized only
, few months, Is anxious to know what
the result is when wheel spinning along
down hill strikes an icy spot about 10 feet
long. All communications will be consid-
cred strictly confidential, and if the widow
Is left in poor circumstances the sum Of
50 will be sent her from the club treasury.
GA spirit lamp has been invented to
hang beneath the saddle and diffuse gen.
eral warmth, and the same will be fur
nished TO members of this club at dis
count from regular rates. 1t Is the inven-
ton Of q colnred man in Chicago and is
bound to revolutionize winter riding"
The resignation of, the Hon. Catalinus
Bangs, accompanied by typewriter ex-
PLANTATION, was presented to the club for
action. The Hon. Catalinus Is 20 years
old. When invited to become a member
of the club, be had grave doubts that he
would ever be able to ride, but he signed
the roll from patriotic motives; also be-
cause he wanted to convey the idea to a
certain widow that he was only 30. He
had started In with great earnestness of
purpose, and for many weeks his enthu-
siasm had been kept at the boiling point.
BY heroic and long continued efforts he
had been able to wabble over half a block
of pavement, but he hung right there and
could get no farther. In four months he
had run over seven people, ten baby car
riages, milk wagon, two ambulances
and moving van. During the same time
he had been picked up for dead on about
| 80 different occasions. After remaining
| In an unconscious state for three hours on
| the last occasion he had revived to learn
that the widow was to be married month
hence and to conclude that tho bike was
too many for him. He would always wish
the club success and would drop in now
and then for q game of poker, but he
| thought it best to sever all active connec
tions. While all expressed regret at losing
o good man, the resignation was acceptec,
The president then announced that ths
case of Brother Sardanapalus jackson
would be taken up for final disposal
Brother jackson was among the first tt
| learn to ride the frisky steed, and thu
manner in which he ran things ELECTED
surprise and admiration. In one week ht
was arrested five times. During another
seven days he was licked by five differen
| pedestrians. Complaints came in so fas
that he was finally suspended pending al
| Investigation. He was now present an(
ready to be investigated, and it was no
long before a curious condition of affair
developed Brother jackson was not onl,
color blind, but his vision was way off il
other directions. What to the eyes of an
other person was large moving van witt
two horses hitched to it appeared to hin
to be only small boy, with a pug nose
drawing a cart along the street. That &C
counted for his humping into SO man.
| vehicles. The curbstones along the street
appeared to him like SO many chalk lines
and unless pedestrian had red hair O
wore blue necktie he appeared like
wavering shadow to Brother jackson
Lamp posts he could not distinguish at all
and another rider on wheel was oftel
taken for a poodle dog trotting along.
an italian had push cart loaded witt
fruit on corner, Brother jackson tool
him for bay window on the second stor
and rode right into him at full speed, ant
all the street cars appeared to him to
| iaIne men CROSSING tne fotu 10 get gas
Of beer. When these facts came out, ]
was the unanimous opinion of the clu
that he must tender his resignation, whic
was reluctantly done and promptly accept
ed. Brother jackson will probably be en-
gagged by some dime museum for the win
ter, and as four niekels look to him to b
four silver dollars, the manager who get
him will have soft snap as to salary.
M. QUAD.