Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1897-04-07
CRANKS ARE SHY.
He Now Very Seldom Visits
the White House.
Affected by Hard Timss--Cranks in
Lincoln and Hayes Times.
The Apple alton Book "A Strange Scene at
The Chinese Legation.

House these days. The officials ut the
mansion say tho times are too hard, ard it
is too difficult TO get money with which TO
travel. Yet now and then a crank does
show up at the presidents palace, as
they called the White House in the old
days though his visit does not always find
its way into the newspapers. Mlc police
men and doorkcepors at the executive man
sion do everything in their power TO sup
press news OF oranks They 90 upon the
principle, which experience has shown TO
be well founded, that the more the news
papers have to say about cranks at the
White House the more cranks there are TO
deal with. The average crank likes moth
ing so much rs publicity.
A few days ago one OF these gentry
showed up at the White House door lie
announced himself as Ii Knight OF Malta,
OF Cavalier of the Golden Fleece he
wanted to start right away for Armenia to
fight the Turks in behalf of the Christians.
He had been given a mission from on high
and all he wanted was one OF the presl-
dents best horses, /. letter of authority and
an order upon the steamship companies for
his passage He would do the rest, and
promised to have all the Armenians res
cued and all the bloody Turks i'll their
graves Wlthin Inoiitn ai0er MS difi'ii oh
the other side.
In bysone Days.
When General Hayes was president, the
cranks We're numerous. Almost every day
one Of them appeared. They were of all
sorts. They generally wanted to be taken
at once before the president, that they
might tell him how to save humanity or
assist him in running the government.
One day President Hayes had had a great
many callers. After he had seen several
dozen senators, representatives and others
he asked his secretary if there were any
more visitors Eyes, there arc two men
waiting to see YOU" said the secretary,
"and one of them is crazy 'Well, send
me in the sane one" said the president.
So the secretary ushered the wholesome
visitor into the presidents room and with
drew.
Sir" exclaimed the stranger with great
dignity and impressiveness, drawing HIM
self up to his full height, II am the en-
peror of the world and | have come here
to take possession Of the White House and
the government You may get out, if you
please
President Hayes rang his bell, and when
the secretary had appeared he said:
''If this is the sane one of the two, please
have him taken away and send me in the
maniac
A Magic Wand.
Colonel HAY, cur new ambassador to
London, told me the other day that in
Lincolns time they had their full share of
trouble with cranks at the White House.
Mr.. Hay, 1t Will be remembered, was as
SlStant secretary To President Lincoln
lone day, sad he, IAN old fellow camo
IN ana wanted 10 see MI. Lincoln without
the loss OF moments time. lie had a
plan by winch 1ae war cotild De stopped IN
"a hours. lie mad magic wand which he
mad brought with nm from warsaw, Ills,
out on tho banks OF the Mississippi, and
nc haa only TO wave TINS magic tallsinan
ana the confederate armies WOULD instant
~ alspaha. On tho plea OF sumlnoning the
cabinet ana the chlet olnclaIs OF the gov
erhlhehV 10 ",unes7 MS performance ,he
heAe Gay, we hustiea MN cut ana thaV
hlght ne was started pack 10 MS nome
Odoly enough a rev years aIterward'
cohtinueu CoIohel may, Whlle was sec
Rotary Oh legatloh at P'ariS TINS same ehap
showed up there. lie went TO the iull-
cries, the residence OF the emperor, ana IN
49, -
sovereign. Inc guards SET nm down as an
assassin ana came very near treallng hllh
paoly- lhey arrested hlih' ana MS SANITY
was inquired INTO ny tine court, ana lie was
sent 10 an insane asylum IN inc outskirts
OF farls, Whefe beieve ne dled some
years later 1t Is strange now these cranks
go all over the world.
An Application Book.
They have some old fashioned methods
at the White House. The clerical staff
there are veteran employees. Several of
them have held their places through half a
dozen or more administrations, and very
capable, popular, trustworthy men they
are. But they find it difficult to drop the
methods which obtained in the dim past.
They naturally want to go on doing things
just as they were taught to do them in the
days of Lincoln and Grant. For instance,
during the past month it has taken all the
time Of two men and part of the time of
third man to keep up what is called the
record book of applications for office APP
plications Of this sort have poured in by
the thousands. 1t Is about all one man
can do to simply open the letters.
Every such application is referred to the
department to which it pertains 1t leaves
the White House, probably never to return.
1t Is of no earthly value at the executive
mansion the president never wants to seq