The Sauk Centre herald., 1897-03-18
BEDELETs.

ilSHcu tHOntEly III Ot. = dui, a. Hlty CCHlS q
year1 ,No9 Well, sit right down and send
a half dollar and get more wit and wisdom
for your money than you can buy at any
other shop in the land. It's humor is Of that
irresistably grin-provoking kind that makes
the lean and lank fat, and the obese shake
off the superponderance OF greasy tissue. 1t
is pure, innocent, kindly and open as the day,
and as dry as prohibitionists powder horn.
Here are few fpecimens from the March
| number.
The new pardon board consists of three
very capable men and Tams Bixby.
Grover has gone back to his native land Of
Jersey so as to avoid taking out his second
papers.
Russell Harrison is already scrapping with
the baby And the good wife says, "Benja-
min, make your children leave our children
| alone."s
When you get licked in a lawsuit, says
colored brother, it don't make a cents differ
ence whether de jury, de facto, or de Judge
does it.
The state dairy department should inspect
the cameps milk used in the Mystic Shrine
Wnllc conducting CdHulttdtSS oVeT the DuTn-
ing sands of the desert.
T. b. or not T. B?-That is the question
And the wide world waits for Mckinley to de-
eide. Also T. Bxby.
lust now there are likely to be more sins
of commission than of the other sort, and
most Of EN- will wear sealing wax and run for
four years.
Roseau county wants state aid to build
highway to the lake of the woods, and Char
ley Moody is one of the highwaymen sent
down here to get it.
Pm deaf, and blind, and out of work, said
poor unfortunate, but I'll not be discou-
ragged know draft when feel it, and may
be I'll be bank examiner yet.
If Oar Reese would raise chin whskers
he'd be ditto for the senate chaplain, Rev.
DR.. Forbes-but Oar would have to have the
governor or Bob Dunn teach him how to
pray.
If, as Senator McHale declared in debate,
Anoka is only hyspeck. what n.icroscopical
quantity or inhnitesmal fraction is our good
friend Pease? Let us be accurate in this
matter.
Representative Walters, of Labette county
has introduced a bill in the Kansas legisla-
ture to enforce the ten commandments. We
can think of nothing Kansas needs SO much
as that, except an eleventh commandment to
| read as follows. Thou shalt shut thou mouth
and hoe corn.
When 0. D. Kinney, of Duluth, enlisted in
Pennsylvania regiment in April, 1861, he
was IS years old, feet I1a inches tall, and
weighed 1870 pounds within his shadow. He
was sort of Shanghai edition of childhood,
and by taking up the slack in the bosom OF
his army pants, could wrap them twice around
his anatomy and button'em behind. His
other garments gave him similar fits, but he
gained an inch and a halt in height and sew
enty pounds in weight du1ing the service
which took him all around from Bull Run to
Gettysburg and the Wilderness, while he
never saw hospital nor got a scratch. But
he has grown still more since then, and in
taking recent measurements of himself and
making comparisons with the holes in his
uniform. finds that he would have been killed
in every battle with his present dimensions.
He was slim enough in '6I, but not so slim as
his chances would be now, and he therefore
tavors arbitration, or only iron-cad warfare.
When Dan Shell, the basso profundo of
| the house, coughs up few subterranean ac-
cents from away down below the belt, few of
the members understand him, but they all
=,
and act accordingly.
scientist with new lens pulled gentle
luna down into the tree tops the other day,
and the man in the moon called out, elbows
everything down in my old home in Ohio?"
Misers who don't want an inheritance tax
can clear out. and our bureau OF immigra-
ton will bring in some folks that God made.
The proposed travelling library could be
kept in the fourth insane hospital, with Ig-
natius Donnelly and Granville S. Pease as Ii
brarians.
The game and fish committee don't want
any trout OF bass sold until 1901. But if times
pick up, good many suckers will be caught
and sold before that time.
It's hard work getting pardon for an err
ing Irishman in Scandinavian community,
especially if he is charged with milking
sightless swine in a slackwater settlement.