The enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 188?-1899, 1897-03-10
WHITE, OF KANSAS.
"What's the. Matter With Kansas?'
Gets an Answer.

Eastern people of her actual condition
as compared with other states in the
agricultural class. This knowledge will
lead all unprejudiced people to a proper
realization of the fact that we have
today practically the same honest work
ing people, that were here when all the
Union was pointing to us as the ban
ner Republican state"
The wittiest speech of the evening
at the Ohio Republican League ban
quet at GAINESVILLE on Feb .12, was
that of Mr.. VIM "A. White, editor of
the Emporia, Kansas, Gazette, in re-
sponse to the toast, "What's the mat
ter with Kansas?" 1t is here given in
full:
There is a song which some of you
may have heard, which begins:
0, potatoes they grow small out in
Kansas,
And they eat them tops and all, out in
Kansas.
There are 43 stanzas to hits ballad
and the burden of the song is that
Kansas is about the 33d degree in the
lodge of Royal Arch Demons, and that
man, after going through the whole
sizzling inferno, is sent to Kansas to
get homesick for hades. That song
contains several important errors. In
the first place we do not eat them tops
and all, out in Kansas. We eat them
mashed, with chicken gravy, and fried
with ham gravy, just as you do here
in Ohio. In the second place we do
not have to fill our wells with rock to
keep them from blowing away; nor
do we trim the claws of the Kansas
catfish to prevent them from scratch
ing the bark off the trees in dry
weather. Neither do we send our abb
stracts to Missouri so that the grass
hoppers will not destroy the title to
the land. These are popular delus-
ions which hurt Kansas. And OF late
new delusion has spread through
the country to the effect that the
populists are off the reservation kill
ing plutocrats out of season and con-
trary to law. These things being pre-
valent belief, make the street car
horses laugh till their sides hurt when
they see man from Kansas.
|
This is unfair. Kansas is little
queer at times; but so is Indiana and
Illinois, for that matter. But just be-
cause four or five Kansas congress
men have the lumpyjaw you should
not infer that we grow tails and run
wild with the buffalo. When Altgeld
of Illinois, began to see thing and talk
to himself, you gentlemen didn't be-
lieve that the citizens of Chicago all
walked backwards to keep their trous-
ers from bagging at the knees. Be-
cause Ignatius Donnelly scrambled his
brains with the wheels in his head, nc
one ever thought of putting Minnesota
in the violent ward. Because Jones
of Arkansaw-hold on! It hasn't got
so far yet that Kansas man has tc
defend Arkansaw in order to stand uI
for Kansas. We will have to draw the
line somewhere, and Arkansas is q
good place to begin.
/ have been invited here to tell you
what is the matter with Kansas, and
have come nearly thousand miles ir
the middle of winter, to say that there
is absolutely nothing the matter with
Kansas. There has been something
the matter with Kansas-a good dea
the matter with Kansas. The devi
has been to pay out in Kansas, but ht
has been paid in 100-cent dollars
And that account seems to be closed
The best way to explain to you what
has been the matter with Kansas is t.
recall a story of Uncle Chester Thorn
as, who used to be the boss in Topek;
politics. The old man was rarely dis
turbed, but one time, when the re
formers gave him the fight of his lif,
in Topeka, he lost his head. That wa
the campaign in which the old man
told his cohorts to "Chur fer 'em, boys
chur fer 'em, but vote agin 'em." /
was election day when the old MAJ
hal been quietly circulating arount
the polls, distributing rewards of mer
is and increasing the per capita, whel
he suddenly turned and rushed bacl
to his office where his friends wer
gathered, and painted dispairingly
"Boys, boys, for heavens sake sen,
some one down to the Fourth ward
them idiots there have been thre
hours, voting just as they dam
please"
That's principally what's the matte
with Kansas. We haven't been abb
until last fall to vote as we pleased
as we damn please, if you prefer tn
Latin. For six or seven years Kansa
has been under the spell of the demt
gogues. From 1890 to 1894 all partie
We'd with one another in putting ton
! my rot into their platforms. You ger
tlemen here in Ohio have doubtles
noticed with CONSERVATION what fad
what foolishness, what rank nonsens
have passed current for republicanisl
at one time or another out in Kansa
. When Jerry Simpson ran for congres
\ the first time the republicans in h
u |
: district stole his platform bodily, an
/; then absolved the republican nomint
4 from the duty of abiding by the hou:
;. caucus. The people couldn't vote {
a they pleased. They had to choose IL
a less violent of two lunatics. For yea,
q crowd Of fellows dominated the r
!, publican party in Kansas, whose mo
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