The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1897-02-12
VOL. XLII---NO.
VARIETIES.

:
An empty stomach negatives all
arguments.
Doing nothing is the hardest W .rIi
for al industrious man.
u cup OF strong coffee is an att
dOte for the OdOr Of onions.
The steam that blows the whistle
doesn't make the train go.
Though it is less profitable. W. n
lng i!Hs more votarics than work. ~.
Dick got even with that girl Y no
crnwHrd him ont of his poeitiC o."
How did he do it, married IL -
ooh, no. This hair shows W! re
you'v been!" Tom-"On the n
trary, it shows. where someone else
has been.
-Miram-That Fussanfeather ri
hears everything, doesn't she? Ma lie
Yes, everything except wedG ng
proposal.
These are the days when the small
boy has a headache, which increases
in violence until about 9.01 n. m, and
then as rapidly vanishes.
--Brownson-Pleasant time at the
party last night? Smithson-No; in
expressbly dreary. There was young
man there who tired TO be funny
-Hewitt-Our servant lighted The
fire with kerosene the other morning.
Jewitt-Did you discharge her?
Hewitt-We haven't found her yet.
Don't mistake activity for pro
ductive work. Men who are geared
low mentally often deceive for a while
by the great number of motions they
make.
They say that the sense of humor
is very rare well, most men have
Il sense of their own humor, but they
haven't any sense of other peoples
humor.'
The New Minister" six hours
sleep is enough for any man Tue
Absent-Minded Deacon-"Good sra-
cious. You don't preach as long as
that do YOU
--''Jimson isn't going to the hCrSe
show" why not? He gets all
the horse show he wants at home"
How sou Mrs. Jimson nags him
from morning to night"
Il may be true that when n.en
get married they're not likely to con
init suicide, but it's just as true Il Ut
if they commit suicide they're rot
likely to get married.
--Dobson--Do you believe in second
sight? Hobson-No, but my wife
does. When l go shopping with her,
she always says to the statesmen. "GIl
come in and look at these again"
The new remedy for insom in
bears the chemical name of mauo.
trichoracetnyledimethyiphenylpyI4z-
alon. 1t is understood to have is
most soporitic effect when pronounced
backw ward.
Miss De Cosh--''I say that if the
women must take off their hats. the
men should be prohibited from going
out between acts" Miss La Touch
Yes; or else from coming in between
the drinks"
The average duration of human
life is about 33 years. Onefourth of
the people on earth die before the
age of g. one half before the age of Is,
and only about one person in oh
hundred born lives to the age of 50.
Some folks said Uncle Eban,
talks bout de- wuhk dey had done
in de pas. Some folks talks bout lie
wuhk dey's gwineter do in de futr re.
But de man OATS rely dom somein'
right now, lie ain got time ter say er
word
Whats the secret of Miss Newly's
failure on the lecture platform -
Every time she got together IN
audience of women she told them h IVY
much good it did her TO meet the pl in
common people. Then they vanisi ed
with a snort.
--Attorney-"State whether or OF
in your opinion the defendant \ as
drunk at the time you saw hii -
Witness-'I am not sure whether he
was or not. All l know is that WI en-
| saw him he was using blotting al
on a type written letter"
Rather a neat way of stating IN
awkward fact was adopted by a
recent applicant for II pension. The
applicant had been wounded while
his regiment was in retreat, but he
didn't say it that way. u received
my wound he said, while march
ing rapidly in front Of the enemy"
what is the meaning ofthe word
original - asked the rural teacher of
the class of small boys. Liar, sir"
shouted a little fellow at the foot of
the class. No, sir - Numbered the
teacher. well, hits mighty close
ter it, said the boy, for dad says
you re the most original liar he ever
seen ~
"A coniurer was recently perform
ing the old time trick of producing
eggs from a pocket handkerchief,
when he remarked to a little boy in
fun: Il say, my boy, your mother
can't make eggs without hens, can
she?' ''Of course she can," replied
the boy. why, how is that p asked
the conjurer. she keeps ducks
replied the boy.
Why in the name of common sense
are you building those storm doors
right in the hall, Henpecll - asked Il
neighbor. Zone would think the
storms came from the inside in place
of out" ''They do, my boy-rhe
severest ones replied Henpeck.
THAT'S why build the doors 500
And the neighbor, knowing Mrs. II III
peck, understood.
"A young American who vas
bicycling in Southern France was
pushing his wheel up steep Hill,
when he overlook a peasant with u
donkey-cart who was rapidly Ne
coming stalled, though the donE ey
was doing his best. The benevolent
wheelman, putting his left hand
against the back of the cart and guild
ing his wheel with the other, pushed
so hard that the donkey, taking fresh
courage, pulled his load up to the top
successfully. The summit reached,
the peasant burst into thanks to MS
benefactor. 1T was very good Of you
monsieur" he said, Il should never in
the world have got up the hill with
only one donkeyn'