The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-18
ugh! UGH! oH-o-o, MY INNARpsr

"UGHl UGH OH-O-O, MY INNARDSr'
bles His crop of hair was surmounted
by the funniest little sealskin cap imag-
Unable. After taking a position he in
dulged i'll long stare at the man open
ing the bivalves and slowly calculated,
"Isters?'
"Yes, sir, responded the attentive
operator, land fine ones they are too. :"
We'll, I've heard of listers afore,
says he, 'but this is the fust time I've
seed 'em, and prehaps I'll know what
thar made of afore git out of town"
Having expressed this desperate in
tention, he cautiously approached the
plate and scrutinized the uncased she'll
fish with gravity and interest which
would have done honor to the most il
lustrious searcher into the hidden mys-
teries of nature. AT length he began to
soliloquize on the difficulty Of getting
them out, and how queer they looked
when out.
II never seed anythin hold on so.
Takes an amazin sight of screwin, boss,
to git 'em out, and amt they slick
and slip'ry when they does come?
Smooth as an cell I've got a good mind
to give that feller lodgin, jist to realize
the effects, as Uncle Jess used to say
about specialization.
well, sir" was the reply, "down
with two bits, and you can have a
dozen.
1.-TWO bitsn' exclaimed the Sucker
'Now, come. That's stickin it on rite
strong, boss, for listers. A dozen on em
amt nothin to chicken, and there's
no gettin more'n picayune apiece for
'em. I've only realized 45 picayunes on
my first ventur' to st. Louis. I'll tell
you what, I'll gin you two chickens for
dozen, if you conclude to deal"
A wag who was standing by in
dulging in dozen winked to the at
tendant to shell out, and the offer was
accepted.
Now, mind" repeated the Sucker,
"all fair-two chickens for dozen.
You re witness, mister turning at
the same time to the wag. None of
your tricks, for I've heard that your
city fellers are mighty slip'ry coons. -
The bargain being fairly understood,
our Sucker squared himself for the on
set, deliberately put off his sealskin,
tucked up his sleeves and, fork in hand,
awaited the appearance of No. /. 1t
came, he saw, and quickly it was bolt
ed. A moments s dreadful pause ensued.
The wag dropped his knife and fork
with a look of mingled amazement and
horror, something akin to Shakes
peare's Hamlet on seeing his daddy's
ghost, while he burst into the exclama-
ton:
Swallowed alive, as I'm a Chris
tiann
Our Sucker hero had opened his
mouth with pleasure a moment before,
but now it stood open. Fear, horrid
dread of he didn't know what, con-
sciousness that all wasn't right, and ig-
norant of the extent of the wrong, the
uncertainty of the moment was terrible.
Urged to desperation, he faltered out:
What on earth the row?''
g Did you swallow it alive?' inquired
the wag.
Il swallowed it jest as he gin it to
mel shouted the Sucker
1Ou re Qedu man! exclaimed his
anxious friend. "The creature is alive
and will eat right through you," added
he in most helpless tone.
Git a pizen pump and pump it
out!' screamed the Sucker in frenzy,
his eyes fairly starting out of their
sockets. "Oh, gracious, what'll l do?
It's got hold of my innards already,
and m dead as chicken! Do some
I thing for me, do! Don't let the internal
sea toad eat mo afore your eyesv
/ Why don't you put some of this ON
it?'' inquired the wag, pointing to a
bottle of strong pepper sauce.
J The hint was enough. The Sucker,
upon the instant, seized the bottle, and,
desperately wrenching out the cork,
swallowed half the contents at a draft.
He fairly squealed from its effects and
gasped and blowed and pitched and
twisted as if it were coursing through
him with electric effect, while at the
same time his eyes ran a stream of
tears At length, becoming little COM
posed, his waggiih adviser approached,