Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-09-13
HuMoR OF THE DAY.

WIN. -btbTClU Free Hr6SS.
Mrs. Benham-'The doctor saws
that mother can't live." Benham-.
well, don't be too hopeful about it.
These doctors often make mistakes"
Judge.
Frank-''Some genius in Birming-
ham has invented buttonless shirt"
Bllly-"Why, that's old. I've worn
them ever since my wife learned to
ride bike. Tit Bits.
Mrs. Watts-''You must find this
out-of-door life rather pleasant.
Weary Watkins -"Oh, the out-of-door
part of it is all right; it is the QUITO
grub end of it 1 don't like. Indian
apolis journal.
First Lady-"There goes young Mrs.
Pedigree. [ suppose she bores people
to death telling the bright things her
little boy says?" Second Lady-"Oh,
no; fortunately he says such dreadful
things they can't repeat them. Tit
Bits.
Bob-'T don't see much use in nv
studying Greek" His Father-"W
not, my son?" Bob-''Aocording to
all accounts, there amt agoing to be
any Greeks after while. L think I'll
study Turkish. "-Harper's Round
Table.
Sprocket-'T understand that uncle
has taken to riding the wheel" Han.
del Barrs-'Yes, and he is wonder.
fully expert. Every time he is out he
discovers two or three entirely new
ways of dismounting. Boston Tran.
script.
He is an awfully wise young man,
to have seen no more than twenty
three summers" "He may have seen
but twenty-three summers, but the
number of summer girls he has met
runs up TO the hundreds. Indian
apolis journal.
Impossible-''See here. That horse
you sold me runs away, kicks, bites,
strikes and tries to tear down the
stable at night. You told me that if I
got him once L wouldn't part with him
for $1,000" "Well, you won't" De.
troit Free Press.
'You speak of your colleague as hav.
ing a mercurial temperament" said
one statesman. eyes," replied the
other, as he wiped his perspiring
brow, "the great trouble about him is
that you can't keep him down. -
Washington Star.
Englishman-"Some of our Eng.
ilsh girls are quite expert with the
gun, don't you know. Lady Eva
Wyndham shot six man n-eating tigers
in India" American Glrl-"If they
were eating nice men she did Just
right. New York Weekly.
why" said the patriot, "the
United States would have picnic with
Japan if she objected to our annexa.
tion of the Hawaiian Islands" "Of
course" echoed Joe Cose, "and the
islands would furnish the sandwiches.
Philadelphia North American.
Mrs. Meddleby-"Your husband has
turned out to be such a bad man that
| suppose you will never marry again?"
Widow Weeds-"Well, L won't go SO
far as that; but will say that if I ever
should marry again, it will be with
another man. Boston Transcript.
''Do L understand you to say,
prisoner, that you knocked him down
because he called you a dirty liar?"
Yes, your Honor. I couldn't stand
it. Ii there is one thing have always
prided myself on more than anything
else it is my cleanliness. Chicago
Tribune.
Dusty Rhodes-"Say, Bossl Can
yer help poor man just out O.
Cuban prison?" Mr.. Touched-"Ain
you the same man that stopped me
yesterday as sufferer from the Mis-.
sissippi floods?" Dusty Rhodes
Yes, sir; I'm havin' an awful run O.
hard luck. Truth.
Her Sole Qualification: Mrs. Bag
rox-"Tell me, professor, will my
daughter ever become great pianist?''
Herr Vogleschnitzle-"I cannot dell"
But, has she none of the qualifca-
tions necessary for good musician?"
"Achl Yah, matam; she has two
handts. Puck.
"Are you aware" said the garrulous
boarder, chat oxtail soup was the in.
vention of the French refugees, who
used to beg the oxtails because they
had no money to buy soup-bones?"
"In other Words" said the Cheerful
Idiot, "they were reduced to the last
extremity. indianapolis Journal.
"Did you see the account of the
new submarine boat?" Eyes; but
didn't read it. 1t doesn't interest me.
you know" ''It certainly indicates
extraordinary progress" ''Of course;
but in the wrong direction. Enough
boats go down now. What l want to
see is one that is guaranteed to stay
up. Chicago Evening Post.
What is an average?" asked the
teacher. The class seemed to be posed,
but a little girl held out her hand
eagerly: "Please, it's what hen lays
her eggs on" BeWilderment followed