The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-08-11
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

II - =
first done your duty yourselves.
= The use of profanity shows a
lack of verbal resource, indicating a
weak tongue and a weaker brain.
= There are no songs comparable to
the songs of Zion, no orations equal
to those of the prophets, and no poll
tics like those which the Scriptures
teach.
= II don't believe young Billfghter
is very happy under the matrimonial
buy him as good clothes as his father
used to-"
-Nouveau Richc-sI wonder, dear,
how you came to marry an ordinary
fellow like me p Bride-"I haven't
the least idea. Mamma managed the
whole affair"
= "You don't mean to say that You
wish your wife would turn into a pill
lar of salt ?" "Not exactly, but
"But what p RI wish she wasn't
quite so peppery."
= Husband-Why are you so anx-
ious for me to insure my life Devoted
Wife-Well, darling, what chance
should I have.of marrying again if you
left me penniless :?
= It is said that food, drink aud
tobacco cost the people Of New York
city 81, 000, 900 and Owe a day. Our
frivolous friend wonders how much of
this is thrown away on food.
= "Say, pop, what does the letters
D. G. mean, dat day always puts. after
Washington p "Dey means daddysof
his country, 70 fool chile, 20, Why
doan' 20 read yo' history ??"
The number of immigrants who
arrived in New York during the fiscal
year just closed was 1870, 556, of whom
LOG, O4O were males. Total immigra-
ton to the United States was some
220, 1000.
= There is a wealth Of subtitle log
in the epitaph inscribed on the tomb
of a North Carolina moonshiner:
"Killed by the government for making
whisky out of corn grown from seed
furnished by a congressman.
"But / thought your husband
was such an active man 2" "ActiYel
If it weren't for me I don't believe
6e'd get up II TINE 10 sgssto-bsd:
"Ah, we'll, that's better than some
| husbands, you know, who scarcely g1
to bed in time to get up
= Ethel--"You say Algy has been
heartlessly deceived By a young Wo-
man. Did she lead him on to-think
that she loved him {" May-aOh
no she led him on to believe that she
didn't care a rap for him, andsthea
when he carelessly proposed, accepted
him on the spot"
-"You see, it was this way: They
were all three SO dead in love with her
and all. so eligible that to settle the
matter she agreed to marry the one
who should guess nearest to her age.
"And did she ?" IT don't know.
know she married the one who guessed
the lowest"
One step toward religious tolera-
ton in Russia has been taken in
recent ukase repeating the law-that
compels the issue Of mixed marriages
to be brought up in the Orthodox
faith. Hereafter boys will follow the
religion Of their father. and girls that
of their mother. The change is said
to be due to the influence of the
| Czarina.
"It's dreadfully queer" said the
housewife, shat the potatoes you bring
| should be so much bigger on the top
of the basket than they are at the
bottom" "Miss," said the honest
farmer, "it comes about this way.
P'taters is CROWN so fast right now
tibet by the time ! git a baskitful dug,
the last ones is ever so much bigger
than the fust es.'-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
A clergyman says that he was
one day called down into his parlor to-
perform a marriage ceremony for a
company in middle life. "Have you
ever been married before 2" asked the
clergyman of the bridegroom. mo,
sir" sHave you Z" to the bride.
"Well, yes, I have" replied the bride,
laconically, 'but it was 20 years ago,
and he fell off a barn and killed hisself
when we'd been married only a week,
so it really ain't worth mentioning.
= At a recent meeting of the Medi-
cal society Of Washington county.
Nd, DR.. S. S. Davis, of Boonesboro,
read a paper on IAN Anesaalous
Dermatosis," in which he described
the peculiar disease Of a woman at
Boonesboro who sweats blood. but is
otherwise in splendid salth. de ex-
hibited two handkercn.efs saturated
with blood which he had wiped from
the voman's face. The coloring mat
ter in the handkerchiefs will be ana
lyzed.- Washington Post.
= The following marriage notice
appeared in a northern exchange:
Married at Flintstone, by Rev.
Windstone, Mr.. Nehemiah Whitestone,
to Miss Wilhelmina Sandstone, both
Of Limestone" If there is anything
in a name, there is too much grit
in that family and there is bound to
be trouble around their hearthstone.
They will have a stony road to travel,
and before they pass many milestones
somebody is apt to need a tombstone.
= Here is either an able-bodied lie
or else a very remarkable story that
comes from Ohio. And it does not
deal with Mark Hanna or politics. It
is said that at Oak Harbor, afew miles
from Toledo, Ohio, a3-year old boy
is living who is literally eating him
self up. He has chcwed his fingers
so that several of them have had to be
amputated, and has bitten off so much
of his tongue that he can never speak.
He is bright and handsome, and is a
marvel to the many physicians who
have seer him.
- Conservative historians among
the Chinese claim for their race an
antiquity of at least 100, 600 years,
while those whose estimates are q
little wild assert that the Chinese
wore the original inhabitants of the