St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1897-06-05
Woke Up the Wrong Nan.

i
Texas with one eye shet and see that h<
was most tunconstitutionally and serene
" drunk. His eyes looked like new
money, and every side of the chr was
his. He was steppin as high and awk'
ward as blind steer calf in tall oats
and sweatin like free nigger on cleo
tion day. He called the colored indi.
vidual which seemed to be manag;n the
passengers and the train and every
thing in sight, and went on to say:
"Aint you the porter Of this CARP"
Oats me to . dead immortal Ger
tainty, boss" says the porter.
well, you will please take due and
proper notice that I am on my way tu
Ardmore and as drunk as seven fools
in one bunch." says the gentleman from
Texas.
II reserve the general calamity OF
the surroundine. boss" says the porter,
md with that he bowed several 80 lows
and . couple Of duets for the pleasure
Of the passengers.
"Put me on At Ardmore," the Texas
man went ON. II am tired now and
sleepy too. Put me on at Ardmore.
BY that time I will be lreamin about
the election and sleepim the sleep Of
tho just. But put mo on at Ardmore.
I maybe mought not want to git OH,
but that don't make = continental durn
bit Of difference. You put me OF at
Ardmorc. Here Is one dollar in clean,
cold cash.
"''Tis the last silver dollar
Left shinln alone:
All her sixteen companions
Are squandered and gone
Remember what l say, and put me
on at Ardmore, for il you don't there
will be thiryl-class funeral som>-
where's eaong the line Of this railroad
before the sun goes down behind the
western hills tomorrow"
with the greatest Of incongruity I
win put you of ut Ardmore, boss, II
it brings on another war and breaks
up the plans Of salvation. says the por-
ter, as that 'last silver dollar" ratified
down into his flank pocket.
And then, in less time than three min
uteE, the gentleman from Texas and
everybody on the car but the con-
ductor and porter had went sound to
sleep. Twenty-six miles beyond Ard
moro everybody woke up all Of sud-
dint like. The gentleman from Texas
had caught the porter md was now
maxim the native night mir hot in great
streaks and patches and blue in spots
q big as horse blanket.
"You internal slou- footed, box-ankled.
tangly- haired, black rascal!-ddn't
tell you to put me OF at Ardmore?"
Blessed Moses and De angels! Is
dat you. boes?" says the porter, and his
eyes bulged out - big Is two sancers.
Fore God, boss-dldn't I put you or at
Ardmore? Maybe l must Of woke UP
de wrong man, but found him in de
next chr, and bless de heavens If didn't
think it was you. He was sleep. and he
was superbly drunk. Hcwas from Tex
as, and he wanted to bet on de cleo
tion. He bucked and he kicked, and he
pitched and cussed and At till It was
plum scandalatious, but put him OF
1t Ardmpre. like was told. Look at
nv clothes, boss-tore into baby duds
and doll Tags-am my face 70 bad
scratched and bungod up till they won't
know my wifeis husband from any COM
mon nigger in town when git homo.
Ise mighty sod and sorry, boss, and I
will give you back your dollar with my
double breasted compliments. But il
[ didn't put . white man on at Arylmore
has jumped cog and the mig
PER neynr was set free"
At the next station the gentleman
from Texas changedcars to return back
10 Ardmore. whilst the porter proceed
d to manage the train tothe best Of his
ability.
Keeping o. safe Grounds.
On that same Texas trip went to see
Buck Ridgeway and his folks down in
he Hood county-which they use to |
we in the old Panther Greek settlement |
lrd went west ten or fifteen years ago.
One day me and Buck we went to
own, and, as I said before. the native
lir was. hot with the wet or dry ques-
ion. The election was comm. On in
bout two weeks. and the people had
,ot worked up by this time to that
,ass where they would bet and cuss
md fight about it
Now In the main time Buck Ridge
say Is one Of the most peacefullest
nen have ever ssw, and up to that day
le never had showed his hand in the
lght to any serious extent. He was
alley on the wet side. but he didn't give
mt his opinions with dinner horn
md from the houseopA . it were. You
e. Buck had already At plum through
ne war and got his horse killed At
'even Pines, and hencefoEwsrds after
bat he was for pcece On earth and rood