davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Bridegroom Registered Improperly.

"Well, how should I know they
were married? Theyregistered as Mr..
and lady, SO I assigned one to g
room in the third story and the other
on the second floor" said NJ. E. Scott,
proprietor of the Sylvan hotel, Of La
Porte, who placed man and wife
in an awkward situation one night
last week. It.was in the corridor of
the Rutchins that Mr.. Scott was re-
lating the incident to friends.
tsWhat did they do?"
s'They remained up one half the
right in their respective rooms, wait
ing for each other to come in"
Chow did it end?"
"Why, the man came creeping down
the stairs between - and a. m. to
see what was the matter" ="
"Was he mad?"
essay, don't mention it. But I'll
bet he doesn't register that way again.
Houston, Texas, Post.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
The "Autocnr" Not Wanted.

The true answer to the question na
to whether OF hot the world wants the
automobile car is prot IDLY that it does
and it does not. It seems to be quite
clear that the world does not want the
present car, as far rs it has been re.
vealel. The world is we'll satisfied
with the horse. It has an affection for
the horse that it can never have for
any nero machine. The horse is Sec
oad only to the human form divine in
the spectacular and the picturesque.
The horse is in no danger of being
supplanted except by en- abler and q
better servant, and this the "autocar"
must prove itself before it comes to 10
wanted.
The objections TO the present 'auto-
car, distributed through the various
examples OF it, all the objections re-
siding in no single machine, but some
of them being found in each, are alto
gether too numerous to mention, and
many Of them are fatal. They cost
too much, or they are too heavy. or
they are noisy, or they have m un-
pleasant jar or bad smell, or they
will not run satisfactorily ct different
speeds and with different loads, or
they are only good for the smoothest
roads, or they cannot climb hills, or
attention and special and trained skill
to operate. !
1t is not dificult thing to imagine
an "autocar" without any OF these OBJ
jectionable features, and it can scarce
ly be denied that we are steadily ap-
proaching it. Something cheap,
handy, always ready and which any
one can use without anxiety or dis
comfort, would certainly make its way
into common use, and only after its
general and complete adoption would
it be safe to say that it was wanted.
That it will not in this way eventually
be wanted we have not the hardihood
to suggest. t.-American Machinist.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
clone Dlsarranrea a Mans Teeth.B

On Saturday farmer residing in
the vicinity of Gibbon arrived at Den
tist B. F. Aliens Office to have hie
masticating organism repaired. He
stated that he had been the victim OF
cyclone the day previous, which had
taken him up, carried him about 1OO
feet, and hurled him head foremost
into q pile Of offal in the barn yard.
When he recovered he found his mouth
apparently full of chips, which proved
to be broken and badly disarranged
set of false teeth. His residence and
other buildings were considerably dis.
arranged by the breeze.-Glencoe
(SIinn. Enterprise.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Moods Pills ~is6 sis III Toods od R1s ls ill.,
Colonies of Ants.

One mound in particular, q groined
columnar structure was Is feet high.
This was rot far from Port Darwin.
The discoverer believes that originally
the mound was conical in shape. The
sides were smooth. It has evidently
been in use for many years, and the
polumnar effect noticeable, he be-
lieves, is due to the fact that the ants,
necessarily travelling the pathways
mp and down the mound, produced
the grooves that are seen, and re-
suited in giving the effect Of q
columnar formation. The entrance
TO the mound, examination showed,
had varied in location, for there was
distinct evidence that apertures of
this sort had been walled up in sew
eral instances.
The interior of the mound referred
to showed as much as anything the
remarkable instinct of the ants. Il
was divided up very much after the
fashion of the tall buildings which Gre
now becoming SO common, with an
immense court within the structure
itself-that is, there were hundreds
of tiny cells buis in from galleries
which were terraced one ebove the
other. The galleries were connected
by paths of stairways, each of these
being constructed with architectural
e1actness. The cells reminded one,
the explorer SAID, Of the cell of Q
monk. The earth in each instance
was as hard and smooth as marble and
bore evidence of long-continued
usage. A portion of the ground floor,
or basement, of the mound had been
divided up into store rooms, and here
1t was evident the ants had carefully
packed away the provender which
they had secured from various points
about. San Francisco Call.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
a Check for Perspiration.

To check profuse perspiration steep
one pound of oak bark in two quarts
of boiling water for half an hour;
strain and bottle for use. When de-
sired for use, take two-thirds Of cup
of it, with two teaspoonsful of pow
dered borax and three of powdered
starch in basin of hot water and
bathe the parts in it. Warts are fire.
quently removed by applications of
baking soda moistened.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
PlTH AND POINT.

May-"Did you and Cholly have
any luck fishing?" Maud-"He did;
didn't" May-'Then you're not
engaged after all?"-Puck.
Philanthropist-"W "What was the i'm
mediate cause of your fall, ny good
man?" The Good Man-"My sweet
heart dropped me. Boston Trans
cript.
He-"If people said just what they
thought, it would do lot of harm,
wouldn't it?" She-"Well, it would re-
duce conversation about nine-tenths. -
Puck.
Penelope-"What did he send you
for a wedding present?" Pauline
"Cut glass" Penelope-"Ah, table
ware, L suppose?" Pauline-"No-a
necklace Truth.
Prisoner Reformer Ito convict)-
"Have you any complaint to make?"
Convict-"Well, I'd bo better salts
fed if 7 wasn't locked up. "-Philadel-
phia North American.
Ethel-''And when he said he was
willing to die for you, what did you
do?" Penelope-"Why, I nearly
tainted! The idea of the only man at
summer resort talking of dying
Puck.
Teacher lin kindergarten)-'You've
omitted something, Mabel, in making
your letter Us What is it?" Mabel
-"T guess 7 forgot to put eyebrows
over them. London Household
Words.
"That man wants a design for a
laundry advertisement" t." remarked the
artist, thoughtfully. "What is it to
be?" Gail he said was that he wanted
something appropriate. I guess I'll
fix him up some sort of wash draw
ing. Washington Star.
ga great many people go beyond
their means trying to make show, "
declared the sage philosopher.
"That's right" assented Chumpley;
"I blew in $4,000 trying to make
show, and it busted the third week
out. Detroit Free Press.
''It won'5 be long," said the man
who loves to talk science at the table,
'before all our engines and that sort
of thing will be run by the heat of the
SUM-" ''But," asked his wife, "if
they go to using up the heat of the
sun that way, won't it make the
weather too cold to grow crops?"-
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Now it chanced that the pilgrim ac-
costed an inhabitant Of the town
through which he journeyed. "It
seems to me-" remarked the pilgrim,
"that there are great many muddy
crossings in your town." "Mere illu-
sion, old man." answered the inhabi,,
tent. tg YOU get that impression gtt4 hEeR HES@
erbockers or short skirts. Detroit
Journal.
Small boy dashed breathless into
merchants Office. ''Is the guv'nor
IMP" eyes; what do you want?" "NIust
see him myself; most partikler. ''But
you can't; he's engaged" "Must see
him immejit; most pertikler. The
boys importantly got him in. ''Tell,
boy; what do you want?" "D'yerwant
q orfice boy, sir?" ''You impudent
young rascal! No! We've got one."
"No, you amt, sir; he's just bin run
over in Cheapside." Boy engaged
Tit Rits
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
THE MAD WORLD.

The mad world rushes along the ages
And forward! forward! Is still the cry.
No time to rest, for the battle RACES:
Then hurry and worry and struggle and
die.
No time to rest by the fountains. flowing
Through shady groves, where the poets
sing,
With fresh winds blowing and wild flowers
growing,
And Pan to pipe for our pleasuring.
The sun goes down In blaze OF splendor,
And the moonlight trembles along tho
seas;
The nightingalos song is sweet and tender,
But the world is too busy to care for
these.
O foolish world, in your greed for treasure
You are taking the husks and leaving the
grain;
You are missing the sweets that make lie
pleasure,
And getting the trouble and labor and
pain.
ID. II. Morehead, in Boston Transcript.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
'0UR BUDGET OF HUMOR'.
LAUcHTER.PRovoKING STORIES FOR
LOVERS OF FUN.

No Ill Winds-Tho Thirst for Lethe-
Improving - After the Verdict of
"GuIty'-A Cool Welcome-Solvcd at
Last-Too Sweet for Use, ETC., Etc.
Whichever way the wind doth blow
Some heart is glad to have 1t 30;
Fen architects and carpenters
Are happy when o cyclone stirs.
Chicago Record. a
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
A Battle For Life in .he Congo Rapids

Cruelty in tbs Congo Free State
is the title OF the final paper made up
from the journals Of the lats. e. j.
Glave, and it appears in the Century.
Mr.. Glave tells the following story:
Stanley Pool is majestic place, and
is we'll named, for it is q monster POOL.
At each end it is narrow, and widens
out in the middle. It is studded with
islands and sandbanks, and encircled
by hills more OF less timbered.
A native Of Kinssssa is said once to
have passed safely the rapids below
Lecpoldville. He was in canoe, and
endesrored to cross the river, but was
swept inso the rapids. BY dextorous
padding he managed to keep his bark
aAoat through two miles of the widest
waters; then she filled and swamped,
and the native swan safely to small
island. Here he remained six days.
TO cross the rapids and relieve him
was impossible. Every day he could
be seen waving his arms frantically,
and his CRIES for help could sometimes
be heard above the roar of the waters.
After six days he was reduced by hun
ger, and determined to risk his life.
He gathered together some light logs,
lashed these with vines into rude
sort of raft, then dropped down from
the end Of the island, and, padding
with stick, was hurled about by the
rapids, which, however, are not so
strong as above, and although carried
down a great distance, he managed at
last, by working his craft into back
current, to get ashore. Battered,
terrified, and almost dead with hunger,
he reached o fishing camp.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Smart Burmese.

Burmah grows a hard wood called
pyinkadoe, which, the British have
found, makes excellent railroad Sleep
ers. The willy Burmese, however, who
sell the wood, having discovered that
the British engineers know a little
about it, have taken to dyeing cheap
wood reddish color and palming it
off for pyinkadoe.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Paris Rainfall.

From records extending lack to
1850, NJ. Camille Flammarion finds
that the rainfall of Paris has gradually
increased about three inches, being
now little more than twenty-five
inches year. The amount of differ
ence seems to indicate that the in
crease is real and not due to greater
accuracy of observation.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
He Explains.

"John, what's the matter
with you tonight? Here I've been
talking to you for half an hour and NIL
you've done was grunt and OCCASION
ally nod your head"
Husband - "Well, I've found it
possible to do that without interrupt
ing you. cleveland Leader.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

Spots of iron rust are taken from
linen by squeezing lemon juice on
them, and then covering them with a
good coating of table salt and hanging
in the sun; after washing, if trace of
the rust remains, add more lemon juice
and salt as often as required, while the
garment is hanging in full sunshine.
Very deep rust spots will soor disap-
pear by this process.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Coniucal Amenities.

edo not insist, my dear! I shan't
tell you what I am going to give you,
for I went to surprise you on our
wedding day"
"Tell me quick, then, for the great
est surprise would be to see you keep
ing your word. journal Amusant.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

a Prose Poem.
EE-M. Medicated Smoking Tobacco
And Cigarettes
Are absolute remedies for Catarrh,
Hay Fever, Asthma and Colds;
Besides delightful smoke.
Ladies as well as men, use these goods.
No opium or other harmful drug
Used in their manufacture.
EE-M. is used and recommended
By some of the best citizens
OF this country.
If your dealer does not keep EE-M.
Send l3c. for package Of tobacco
And &c. for package of cigarettes,
Direct to the EE-M. Company,
Atlanta, Ga,
And you will receive goods by mail.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

Fixing Cp Terms,

Husband lat p. m. )--s:What's
Ill that racket at the back door,
Maria?"
Wife-''My gracious, John, I for
got and locked the girl out! What
shall we do?"
Husband-"Do? What can we do
but offer her a raise of fifty cents q
week, and make it o dollar if she in
sists. Another break of this kind and
we are lost. "-Cleveland Leader.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

IT is asserted by those who have
given both methods fair trial that
brain workers should eat meat. Rare
roast beef and juicy steaks, butter and
cream! It is said that nothing else
will fuel the brain furnace so we'll as
beef, and that eggs are next in value.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

Mr. Bondy-"r thought I recog-
nized your back as you walked
along"
Miss Sharpe-'I should think you
might by this time. It's been turned
that way often enough. ."--Harper's
Bazaar.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Improving.

Visitor lat the picnic)- c)-''That music
is rather Indifferent. 1t isn't full
band, is it?"
Chairman OF Committee of Arrange
ments-"No, but it's getting full.''-
Chicago Tribune.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Not tn Be Beaten.

"My little sister is the best baby
you ever sew. She sleeps twenty-four
hours every day"
"Huh! our'n sleeps twenty-six. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
That Terrible Scourre.

Malarial disease is invariably supplemented
by disturbance of the liver, the bowels, tho
stomach and the nerves. To the removal Of
both the cause and its effects Hostetter's
Stomach Bitters is fully adequate. 1t fills
the bill'' as no other remedy does, perform
ing its work thoroughly. It's ingredients are
pure and wholesome, and it admirably serves
to build up a system broken by i'll health and
shorn Of strength. Constipation, liver and
kidney complaint and nervousness are con-
uuered by il.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

Sanford-:'Say, Wheeler's pretty
badly gone on Miss Blocmer T just
saw him putting ring on her finger"
Merton-"Whas of it? A man has
9 right to ring his bicycle belle, hasn't
he?'-Boston Traveller.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Ships as Rock Discoyerers.

Eugland's photographic Office re-
eeived information of the discovery OF
209 new rocks and shoals last year,
twenty-one of which discoveries We're
made by vessels striking on the rocks.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
500 Reward. 800.

The readers of this paper will be pleased to
learn that there is at least one dreaded dis;
ease that science has been able to cure in al
its stages and that is Catarrh. Halls Catarrh
Cure is the only positive cure now known to
the medical fraternity. Catarrh being con;
stitutional disease, requires constitutional
treatment Halls Cayarrh Cure is taken inter-
nally, acting directly upon the blood and mu-
cous surfaces OF the system. thereby destroy
ing the foundation OF Che disease, and giving
the patient strength by building up the con-
stitution and assisting nature in doing It's
work. The proprietors have so much faith in
its curative powers that they offer One Hun
dred Dollars for any case that it fails to cure.
Send for list Of testimonials. Address
:. J. CHENEY 4; Co., Toledo, Y.
Sold by Druggists. 15c.
unll,c En,nil, pills q 70 tho best
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

"How do you find business?" asked
the kind old lady of the man at the
back door, With pail on his arm.
"Everything's On the jump with me.
Could I sell you some frogs legs?"-
Detroit Free Press.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Tho Thirst for Letllc.

She-"I know that I am not good
looking, but people forget my face
when sing"
''Won't you sing now?"-
Fliegende Blatter.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

been cured of nervous trouble, scrofula
sores, rheumatism, dyspepsia, catarrh and
other diseases by purifying their blood
with Hoods Sarsaparilla. This great
medicine will do the same good work for
you if you will give it the opportunity.
II will tone up your system, create sn ap-
petite and give sweet, refreshing sleep.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
The One Exception.

''I suppose you were very muck
surprised when I accepted you?"
''No; why?"
"Well, everybody else was. Pick
Me-Up.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
After tho Verdict of "Guilty."

Judge-"After this you ought to
keep away from bad company"
Prisoner-"Yes, your Honor. You
won't see me again for some time. -
Up-to-Date.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Solved at LAST.

Jawkins--ssWhy do they always
call sailors 'tars?'"
Pawkins-"Because they're so ac-
customed to the pitching of the ship"
Punch.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
But Tint pnrt Stnrod.

'I am afraid" said Maud, thought
fully, "that Willie Wibbles will never
come here again"
''Did he go away in pet?" asked
Mamie.
"Well, some of him did. Just be-
fore he started my dear little dachshund
bit o piece out of him. Washington
Star.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Too Sweet for Use.

'HaTe you seen Maud's relny- day
costume? It's too sweet for any
USE"
why doesn't she wear it today"
''It looks so much like rain. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Sold by DfuEPlStS. 1oc.
Halls Family Pills are tho best.

Fits permanently cured. No fits or nervous-
ness after first days use OF Dr.. kline's Great
Nerve Restorer 81 trial bottle and treatise free.
DR Z H KLINE Ltd, G5l Arch ST., Phlta., Pa.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

After physicians had given me, up, was
saved by Piso's Cure.-.RALpH ER1EG, Hil-
Transport, Pa, Nov. ~ 1888.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
IT Made Him Sick.

Doctor (to patient threatened with
nervous prostration)-"Do you notice
that you are troubled with loss of
memory?" ~
jack Pott-'T. ,ss Of memory, doc
tor? No, sir; it's memory of my loss
IL
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
A Red Handed nIurd . -er.

Tetterine kills the germs Of letter, Eczema,
eases. Most OF these arc caused by the exist
ence of inflnitesimal anamalculae. Tetterine
murders them at once and stops the agonizing
itcn, then it soothes and heals the skin. AT
drug stores, or by mail for 80 cents In stamps.
!. L. Shuptrine, Savannah, Ga.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

And Profit by the Experience OF Other
.----------,--- Da~>y>r. ----l--- ------.---
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
Tie Reason Why.
Jibson-"I thought YOU could kee,

o secret"
Jabson-"So L can."
Jibson-"Why didn't you keep the
secret told you the other day."
Jabson-''Because when you told it
it ceased to be secret. Puck.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

The New York woman who killed bear up
in England was not properly tested for cour-
age. Give her q mouse.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
a Prose Poem.

Ten tons of diamonds have been mined IN
South Africa the last sixteen years.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
USE YOUR REASON

A pan Of water stood in a hot oven will re
duce the heat.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

Ifafflictedwith sore eyesuse DR.. Isaac ThomU-
sons Eye-watcr. Druggists sell at25c. per bottle.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20
NEGLECT is SUICIDE.

Mrs Pnzhar Co1roborated by Mrs Charles
Dunnaore, Ought to Bring Suffering
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

Berlin, Germany, includes IN its
population 10000 Hebrews.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-10-20

Mny-"Did you and Cholly have
any luck fshing?" Maud-"He did;
I didn't" May-'"Then you're not
engaged after all?"-Puck.
The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1897-11-02

serted last night. The lieutenants had
received their final instructions during
the afternoon. and the lines were closed
up for today's battle. From Chief
Croker to the humblest worker of the
lot, Tanmany Hall was confident Of
sweeping victory for every candi-
date under its standard.
The George headquarters were de-
serted save for the presence Of several
members of the campaign committee.
The general feeling was one of conf
dence. 1T is our belief" said a MEM
Der of the campaign committee, that
our candidate will poll all the votes
that. would have gone to his father
and many beside. l do not think Mr..
Low will profit much. II at all, by Mr..
Georges death. We are not making
predictions, but from that confidence
gained by close touch with the plain
people we feel that this city will give
. the politicians a big surprise. So, too,
will the borough of Brooklyn"
The German-American branch Of the
Thomas Jefferson Democracy brought
the campaign to a close by a meeting
last night at Cooper Union. Despite
the rain, there was large attendance.
About the hall were huge portraits of
Henry George, draped in black Father
Ducey took a seat among the audi
ence. There were speeches in German
and English. Father Ducey was re-
quested to address the meeting. He
did so and during his remarks said:
"The recent shooting at Hazleton was
murder. ! say again 1t was murder In
the eyes of God and Justice. But capt
tai is back of it. and there will be no
legal punishment for those murderers
here below"