The record-union., 1897-12-11
JOKELETS.

JOKELETS.
In France it has been decided By the
courts that an unmarried woman be-
comes an old maid at 3d.
That rule would never do in this
country
why notg''
Single women never reach the age of
~ in America. Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Hoon-I have just been reading
of a waterspout that burst in Kan
tucky last week.
Old Hoon-Burst? Course it did! \
waterspout that would try to do busi-
ness in Kentucky ought to expect To
burst.-Harlem Life
Todd, Your wife has a voice like vel
VET
.Gracious Don't talk so loud. IF
she should hear that l would have to
get her lot of gowns to match it,
Chicago Record
Mr.. Curtis-Yes. 1 must positively go
back tomorrow morning.
Miss Emslie-Oh, I'm sorry for that
day at least You know we are to give
our performance of Camille" toInor-
row, with me in the title role.
Mr.. Curtis absently)-That's the
re ason I've got to go.-Cleveland Leader
'All that ails YOU" said the plain
spoken man. lis laZiness. Go to the
ant, thou sluggard. Consider her ways
and he wise"
4 guess I'll have to- sighed young
Ardup. I've gone to my uncle SO often
there's nothing left that / can get a
farthing on."-Odds and Ends.
Little Brother-Well, why can't you
say mouses'' instead of ''mice?"
Little Sister-Why, ''mouses'' would
sound perfectly horrible!-New York
World.
Doctor-For dinner take 40 minutes.
Timid Patient-Would it be danger
Gus to add a piece of meat and some
vegeta bles ?-Tit- Bits.
Miss Byker-So you have given up ad-
vocating woman's rights?
Miss Thyrty-Yes; l now go in for
woman's lefts.
Miss Byker-What's that?
Miss Thyrty Widowers. - Up-to-
Date
Ethel-Don't you think Madge's hair
is dxed
Mabel-No, am sure it isn't.
Edith-How do YOU know?
Mabel-Because l was with her when
she bought it.-Brooklyn Life.
You are very dear, aren't you?"
asked. the lady shopper of the ribbon
clerk
That's what all the boys say" re-
piled she, sweetly.-Louisville Courier
Journal
Eggs cost S17 in Alaska"
What makes them so high?"
Climate
"Climate?"
Yes; the hens have to wear seal.
skin cloaks. Detroit Free Press.
Julia" said the old gentleman, re-
proachfully, 'if l am not mistaken you
gave that young man a kiss"
i did no such thing" returned the
young woman with emphasis. 1T was
a trade. Chicago Post.
knox-Jagsby is very stylish fel-
low. isn't he?
Jocks-Yes; his wife often thinks he
is the latest thing out-Town Topics.
This obituary says that McTurh
was very active in Masonic circles"
Yes. he used to touch every brother
he met. ."-Chicago Journal.
Trivvet-Jaysmith doesn't tell as
many fish lies as he did
Dicer-No, he doesn't. Hes IL bcy-
Gle liar now.-New York World
Why don't you say grace. Doliy?''
Cos it's only hash, an I've said
grace twice on it already Pick
Up.
Miss Sears (an old rivaD--You must
feel very sad when YOU think atcut
your late husband.
Mrs. Tears with sarcas,n)--Yes. but
any husband is better late than never
Mr.. Perkins (of Bow Bells. Londop>-
And what might be your name. sir?
Nj. Evans (of ditto)-E.v.lns.
Mr.. Perkins-There amt nothink to
So '"Eavens." at, as I see. i on'y asst
yer nyme.
Mr. Evans-Oh. Hevans is my nyme
Mr.. Perkins-Well. Mr.. fIevans, woy
din't yer sly so at fust?-New York
World.
IT'S the man who persists as'll rise
in the world" remarked Mr.. Rafferty,,
sententiously
''Thrue fer yez," replied Mr.. Dolan.
AN fur proof Oi kin point till the
tombstone iv fri'nd thot persisted in
thawin' dynamite be shtoya." Wash
ington Star