The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1897-09-03
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The publisher of Bentley's Miscel-
lany was telling Douglas Jerrold of the
doubts he had about the name of the
magazine. Il had thought once" said
the publisher, "of calling it the Wits
Miscellany" ''WeI," rejoined Jerrold.
"you needn't have gone to the other ex-
treme."
Canon Knox-Little told story once
front of beautiful church, which had
been restored and made very nice.
There was painted over the door, This
is the Gate of Heaven" and under
meath was the large notice. $50 round
the other way
A good Highland minister was en-
deavoring to steer a boat-load of city
young ladies to a landing-place. A
squall was bursting; the steering was
difficult. One of the girls annoyed him
by jumping up and calling anxiously,
'Oh, where are we going top ''If you
do not sit down and keep still, my
young leddy," said the minister-pilot,
succinctly, that will verra greatly de-
pend on how you were brought up"
through a room where boy lay in bed,
explained to him that he was the devil,
and having thus frightened him, as he
flattered himself, into condition of 81
lence and immobility, went his way
after the silver. But the boy, who was
a religious character, presently said to
himself: "If l should kill the devil
there would be no more sin," and creep
ing to where his fathers gun lay, took
it and shot the burglar. He now be-
Heves that the devil is dead.
An English peer, for some offense,
was called out by a politician, and
promptly responded to the challenge.
On arriving at home again after the
duel, his lordship gave a guinea to the
from the ground. The driver appears
to have been an exceptionally honest,
simple man. He was surprised by the
largeness of the sum presented, and
said, ''My lord, I only took you to -"
eyes, yes; 1 know that. But the guinea
is for bringing me back"
Ellen Beach Yaw is much entertained
when she is at her home in Southern
California. Recently a yachting party
was made up in her honor, and cruise
was taken on the channel. Miss Yaw
became seasick and took to her berth.
One of her entertainers, soon after
ward, went in to inquire how the guest
was feeling, and heard her humming
lullaby in most peculiar tone. ''H's sh!'
said her maid, don't disturb Miss Yaw
now. she is very sick" "But she. is
singingn' cried the visitor. Eyes.
know" answered the girl, 'but Miss
Yaw means in tune that way so it
won't disturb anybody else"
The queen was once Informed by the
manager of her Shaw farm that Scot
tish farmer was a breeder of superior
collie dogs, and she thereupon ex-
pressed a wish to possess one of them.
Accordingly, the farmer forwarded two
beautiful dogs, and her majesty gave
orders that the next time he came to
the farm he should Immediately be TAX
en- up to the castle. The farmer T.1s
somewhat uneasy as to how he should
comport himself in the presence of
royalty, and the manager put him
through his facings. At last the fatefuI
day arrived, and he was ushered into
the presence of the queen. Her majes-
ty shook hands with him, and said:."I
have to thank you for the two beautiful
collies you sent mev And to this gra-
cious remark the farmer replied:
'Touts, touts, wumman! baud yer
tongue! What's the matter o. pair O
dowgs between you and meT
stickler for punctilio in what seemed to
him the proper places. When the regi-
ment of his son, Lord Douro, was quar-
tered at Dover, the duke was staying
at Walmer Castle, and the officers rode
over and left their cards, as matter of
form. Soon after came an invitation
from the Duke of Wellington inviting
all the officers to dine, but ignoring his
own son. When Lord Douro asked for
an explanation, the duke gave it thus,
with great good humor: Il make no
distinctions in this service. Those gen.
tlemen had paid me the compliment of
a visit, and I invited them to dinner.
You were not among them, so l omit
ted you in the invitation"
A Gulf line special, filled with the Of
ficers of the road on a tour of inspec-
ton, was tagged by some men working
on a section near Colorado Springs.
Shocked by the suddenness of the stop,
all of the officers rushed to the rear
platform, where the men were congre-
gated, to learn the cause of the hold
up, each apprehensive that wreck
had occurred on the line in the vicinity.
Mr. Hartwell, the paymaster, was the
first to inquire of the man nearest him,
a raw-boned recruit from Tipperary.
who had not been in the service of the
company more than fortnight.
"Theres bin no accident, yer honor"
said the Irishman; 81 jist wanted to in
quire of yez whin the paycar'n be
along" There was some wiring en-
gagged in at the next stop. and Pats
soIicitude for the arrival of the paycar
was relieved by the prompt receipt of
his pay-check.
Sailors Eyes aud Electricity.
Owing to the intensity of the electric