The herald., 1897-09-12
THE BowsER TROUBLES.

The Bowsers had occupied their sumo
nAssanttaeA st.athA zaaaahAua .fAr--fuA.
weeks. During that time twenty-five
tramps had called for food or money. 8
clam-fed hog had made many hours mis-
cradle, sand-f1ies and mosquitoes had
beset them every minute, and they hsd
been lonely by day and afraid by night.
Mr.. Bowser thought of all these
things on the fourteenth evening, a.
they sat at the door gazing out at the
sea and tanning the mosquitoes away.
and the more he thought the more an-
cry he got He had rented the cottage
for the season without seeing it or
knowing what county it was in, but 1t
wasn't his fault-not according to his
doctrine. He had lost ten pounds Of
flesh. suffered indignity and insult In
being thrown down by q hog and in be-
ing "sassed" by tramps, had been de-
ceived and lied to about the cottage.
He wanted to pitch into somebody for
all this, and as Mrs. Bowser was the
only one within two miles Of him he
naturally turned upon her.
II suppose you feel a hundred per
cent. better for this outing?" he began,
as he struck vicious blow at a mos
d e.
the insect for life.
II didn't come down here for my
health" she meekly replied.
"Oh! you didn't! II not for health.
what then?'
ITO please you."
ITO please me! Woman, what are you
talking about? From January to July
you were talking about the seashore.
You gabbled by day and dreamed by
night. We never sat down to q meal
that you didn't go on about crabs ana
clans and the moaning sea. You
couldn't hear milk wagon drive past
but what you compared the racket to
the roaring Of the breakers on the
rocky shore. And now you say you
came down here to please mel"
IL didn't want you to rent such .
place as this" she stammered.
you didn't, eh? That's exactly what
you wanted-a cottage by the sea-
place off by ourselves-a spot where we
could watch the waves foam and play
and the CLAIMS stand on their heads in
exuberance of spirit. I found such q
place. This is 1t. There are the foam
ing waves, and over a million CLAIMS are
standing on their heads along the
beach. It has cost me hundreds of
dollars and two weeks of abject misery
to cater to your little romance. and
now you have the face to tell me that
you didn't want to come!"
II don't think you have enjoyed It,"
she said.
"How could you think sol" he thun-
dered, as he dropped his fan and struck
out with both fists at the mosquitoes.
IT didn't expect to enjoy it-not an hour
but was willing to sacrifice myself
the same as all other husbands. have
sacrificed, and have met with the US
ual reward. Mrs. Bowser. this thing
must end!"
Her heart leaped for JOY at the words.
but she maintained a discreet silence.s
II have stood it as long as propose
to, and tomorrow morning we start for
home!" continued Mr.. Bowser. THAT
is, do. If you want to remain here
for the rest Of the summer you can do
so. By the great horn spoon, but am
being bitten at the rate Of q million
bites a minute!"
He struck out right and left and dano-
ed around, and then said:
II have been bitten by 1850, 900 sand
flies; I have been bitten by 100000
mosquitoes; tons and tons Of malaria
have been poured into my system from
that old marsh, and it will take
train-load of medicine and ten years of
dosing to make me what l was the day
came down here to please you.''
"Why do you persist in saying 1t was
to-"
woman, don't interrupt mel" he
shouted, as the bite of a veteran mos
quito lifted him off his chair. I'VE
came here to see the Atlantic Ocean.
There it is-a pond of salt water, and
the color Is like three-cent lager beer"
And he got up and shook his fists in
the air and walked around and kicked
up showers Of sand.
"And is it all my fault?" queried Mrs.
Bowser, with tears in her eyes.
"Is it! Is it," he howled, as he Jumped
up and down. "Of course it isl
Whose fault can it be but yours?
Didn't you talk seashore to me un-
til I was half-crazy. Didn't you
get me all excited and upset about
sharks and Holsters and whales and
surf bathing? Where are the sharks
and Holsters and whales? Where,
say! And we have bathed just once.
We went into the surf and found two
dead cats floating around, and cut my
heel on a bottle and you cut your toe
on a Sardine can. Did l come here to
bathe among dead cats! Would any
person on the face of this earth believe
that husband would let his wife make
such fool Of him? By thunder, but
butt"
And he hauled off and banged away
with his fists at the side of the house
and kicked up the sand behind him.
Things were working her way, and Mrs.
Bowser was silent. After a dozen
thumps and grunts, Mr.. Bowser sat
down again and kicked right and left
at the mosquitoes, and finally said:
1--WE leave for home the first thing In
the morning, and you can begin to pack
up. When we get home I shall want
talk with you-a long, plain talk. A
husband can stand only so much, Mrs.
Bowser-only so much. You have driven
me to the dead-line, and there will ell
ther be divorce or such promises of
humility on your part as will make me
forgive you. Now, let's fling the things
into the trunks and get ready for sum
rise skip, and if 1 ever meet the lop-
shouldered, wall-eyed swindler who
rented me this cottage, I will take him
by the throat and choke the life out OF