Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1897-04-26
JUST FOR FUN.

like to cook enough to last, re-
marked the young bride. You do, you
do, groaned the devoted hubby.
She--I can sympathize with you, I
was married once myself. He-But
you weren't marred to woman.
A woman has as many ways of
making man feel mean as she has
of using up stale bread.
A school teacher lately put the
question, What is the highest form of
animal life? The giraffe! responded
bright member of the class.
Osgood-Do you believe in hypno-
tism? Dowley-I do. Every time 1
look at my wife and hear her talk
become more and more positive that
I must have been hypnotized when we
were married.
First Street Arab heard tell that
camels often have to go week in the
desert without a drink. Second Street
Arab-No wonder they get their backs
up.
Visitor-What makes you SO ugly,
Tommy? Don't you love your new
baby brother? Tommy (viciously)-
Well, did till somebody came in and
said he looked like me.
You never use fly paper, Mrs. Paw
Paw? No. I've tried to several
times, but my husband always goes
and sits down in it.
First Scotch Worthy (who is not
quite sure he is in fit condition to
face his wife)-Say, John, you stansh
still there and tell me how get on.
I've cured our next door neighbor
of borrowing our lawn mower. How
did you arrange it? Every time he
did sent over and borrowed his BIZ
cycle.
Yes replied the woman with the
square jaw, my husband is full all the
time. When he isn't full of liquor he's
full of remorse and I'd as soon have
him one way as the other.
heard We were on shtrike, said
Mike to his friend Pat. I was that,
answered Pat. A shtrike for what,
Pat? For shorter hours, Mike. AM
did We get them? Sure we did, Mike.
Pts not working at all I am now.
Fling-And did the stage have the
appearance of real garden in the
garden scene? Storms-Oh, yes; 1
hadn't been on three minutes before
the place was filled with vegetables.
Cholly Chumpleigh-Here, on the
floor, let me press my suit, Miss Col
deal, love you! Miss Coldeal-You
had better get up and press your suit
at home. You've bagged your trous-
ers at the knees.
Mamma, what is the bicycle indus
try? Well, it must be the way we all
hop round and wait on your father
when he takes notion to clean his
wheel.
Her Father-Has my daughter given
you any encouragement, sir? Suitor
Well, she said you were always a
very generous parent.
And so, said the dear old minister,
you have been to Palestine? May I
ask your Impressions of that land?
The land, said the convert from Kan
sas, won't average bushel of corn
to the acre.
The Doctor-Mrs. Briggs has sent
for me to go and see her boy, and I
must go at once. His Wife-What is
the matter with the boy? The doctor
I don't know; but Mrs. Briggs has
book on What to do before the Doc
tor Comes, and must hurry up be-
fore she does it.
Er-you see, governor, said the
young man, as tenderly as he could.
you see, father you are just a bit of an
old fogy. suppose I am, admitted
the old gentleman. It's sort of fam
lily failing. My father was the same
way when I was your age.
It was careless, unused the adver
Using manager in melancholy tone.
To what do you refer? The manner
in which they put that prima donna's
Endorsement of our cure for a cold on
the same page with the announce
ment that she has a sore throat and
cannot sing.
Testy Old Gent-Hugh? Do you
think you can support my daughter
in the style to which she has been &C
customed? The Young Suitor-Well,
no, but can support her in the style
to which her mother was accustomed
for good many years after she mar
r;n n Old /c,1hlual\ OBJ