Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-10-27

English church congress:
A country clergyman went away for
his holiday, and benevolent neighbor,
who had curate, took his Sunday
duties. After he had preached his first
sermon he remarked to the clerk in the
vestry, II am sorry 1 gave you such
short discourse, but the reason is that
dog got into my study and tore out sew
eral leaves" The clerk gazed wistfully
upon the speaker, and said: ooh, sir, do
you think you could spare our parson
pup"
First Seaside Belle-"But how can you
Second Seaside Belle-"Well, he only
got down here last night!'-Sketch.
A Fair Price.-Miss Beauty Cat church
fair)-''Don't you want some penwipers,
Mr.. Bach?''
Mr.. Bach-'Naw-at dollar apiece, 1
presumeW
Miss Beauty-"Oh, no. The minister
said we must not charge more than IN, we
thought the things were worth These
were made by that horrid Miss Pert, and
think they are worth about ten for
cent. New York Weekly.
In some parts of Devonshire the people
live to be very old. An old man of 80,
living quite distance from the nearest
town, requiring some family groceries,
sent his son, man of seyenty-odd years
of age. When the son failed to show
up with the provisions in time, his
grandfather, centenarian of 10S, said
peevishly: Chats what comes from
sending a kid."-Tit-Bits.
Up in the -Teacher-"Name
six animals of the frigid zone" Tommy
-Four polar bears and two seals" >
Detroit Free Press.
DR.. Spring of WATERFOWL, n. Y, was
physician who fourished in the early
part of the present century. He was
noted only as a doctor of medicine. Nev-
ertheless he had the true attributes of the
cynic school of philosophy, that school to
which Diogenes belonged. When ap-
preached by a wealthy man for treatment
the learned doctor ordered his patient to
steal horse.
What! steal a horse?" cried the
amazed sick man.
ives; steal a horse. You will then be
arrested, convicted and placed in a situa
ton where your diet and regime will be
such that in 4 short time your health will
be perfectly restored"
There was more wisdom in this advice
than anything Diogenes ever uttered.
''Wei, Davie, did you enjoy your visit
to the museum"
"Yes, mamma
.'Do you remember any of the nice
things you saw"
"Oh, yes, l remember lots of Them
'And can you tell me what they were
called?"
Eyes; most of them were called DO not
touch
The imposing of a fine of $3.50 on a
young man in Jersey City court for
having deliberately grabbed a young
woman around the waist and kissed her
against her will looks like a rather light
sentence from a strictly judicial point of
view, but 1t appears from the full re-
port Of the court proceedings that there
were extraordinary circumstances in the
case.
Did you kiss this woman?" asked the
court.
81 did," said the accused
why did you kiss her?'
Because she was SO good-looking"
''If the woman in the case doesn't
promise to refund the fine the court ought
to remit it.-Boston Herald.
DOUBT.
girl there isl know her we'll
Yet, knowing her, | cannot tell
If hope may soar, or if despair
Will plunge me into sorrows sea-
l love the girl;
Does she love me?
Into her sparkling eyes l look,
AS idlers gaze into the brook
TO see as in a mirrors CLEAN,
The reflex of a happy dream;
Bat what / seek l cannot see
/ love the girl;
Does she love me?
j. Bliss Dudley
Of the late French Senator Renaud the
Kolnische Zeitung tells the following an
ecdote:
When Renaud first came as senator to
Paris he engaged a room at a hotel and
paid months rent, $50 francs, in ad-
vance The proprietor asked if he would
have receipt.
1T is not necessary" replied Renaud;
"God has witnessed the payment
''Do you believe in God?" sneered the
host.
"Most assuredly," replied Renaud;
don't your