The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1897-04-09
a SURVIVAL OF NONSENSE.
Some Absurdities Connected with
Letter Writing.

I
Letter Writing.
Why do we write esq" after a
mans name or "Mr" before it in ad-
dressing a letter? Why do we write
'Dear Sir even in addressing the veri-
est stranger? Why do we subscribe
ourselves to all correspondents as
"Yours truly" or other words to that
n.ee Ei1gless effectS
| We do none of these things In tele-
grams, yet we do not feel thar we are
discourteous to John Jones when we
address him by telegraph solely as
John Jones and sign our names at the
end of the dispatch without any -four
ish Of words. Why should we not be as
direct, simple and truthful in our let
ters as in our kilograms?
ALI these practices are survivals from
an age Of leisure, extravaganza and
servility of mind. They are now an alb
surdity and a costly one. More than
three billion letters are written every
year in the United States. Allowing
half minute as the time consumed in
writing Dear Sir" and ''Yours truly"
inside and "Mr." and esq" outside
of each of these letters, and allowing
300 working days of ten hours each to
the year, the people of the United
States waste in this way 1888 years
of time every year. In other words,
we actually waste the whole time Of
more than 5000 persons in writing
"Dear Sir" yours truly" "Mr." and
ESQ.," At the lowest calculation the
time thus wasted each year is worth ten
millions Of dollars. or half river and
harbor bill.
The sole purpose Of a superscription
on letter Is to tell the postoffice peo-
pie to whom and where to deliver it.
ALI that is necessary for that purpose
is to write the name and address, ~.
Wintersmith, "a John street, New York
City," completely fills the requirement
All else is waste. There is no occasion
to tell the postman that J. Wintersmith
is a clergyman by writing "Rev." be-
fore his name, or that he Is woman
and unmarried by writing Miss there,
or that J. w. aforesaid is married
woman, or has been, by writing "Mrs." :"
But we have worse habits than
these. In addition to the meaningless
"Mr." and the absurd ESQ.," we are
constantly addressing men as "Hon." ?"
or "Col." or REV" Why do we do it?
AS every little politician who gets HIM
self elected an alderman or member
of the Legislature is theneeforth for
ever called "Hon.," why should any
body think 1t requirement Of courtesy
to address so justly distinguished a
man as William l.. Wilson, for exam
pie, as "Hon w. l.. Wilson, We do
not speak of Hon. Thomas Jefferson
or Hon. Daniel Webster.
Military titles are necessary in mill
tary life. In addressing general or q
colonel in the field an indication Of
his rank helps to find him, and perhaps
1t helps discipline, too. But why should
we go on calling men colonel, general,
major and the like long after they have
retired to civil life, merely because
they held such rank in the volunteer
forces Of thirty-odd years ago or be-
cause some governor has appointed
them to his staff? We do not speak Or
think of Gen. George Washington or
Gen. Hannibal or Gen. Julius Caesar.
Still worse Is the title gratuitously
conferred, the honorary title of col
onel and the like There are tens of
thousands of "colonels" in this country
who never commanded a squad, and
Judges who never sat on any bench
or read page Of law.
1t Is all falsehood and fummery. AS
an honest, self-respecting people, why
should we not rid ourselves of it2 "Mr."
Is convenient when the first name of
the person addressed or referred to Is
not used. So are "Mrs." and Miss"
In like circumstances. ALI the rest are
Feather and prunella," which Is the
poets phrase for stuff and nonsense
New York World.