Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1897-10-14

N thc columns of first-rate news
paper printed in this city appeared
few days ago long earnest article OF
the question rs Life Worth Living?'
and great many of the persons whosc
views helped to make up the newspa
per STORY wrote in pessimistic way
as though they wished Death could gel
some of the Star Pointer strain into his
pale horse, so that he might rush along
little faster and relieve them Of earth
ly tribulations. That their troubles
weighed down very heavily these
sharers in the symposium allowed tc
be known, and they did not feel like
bracing up and trying it over. They
alluded to the luck which had Rlon-
diked others and had given themselves
nothing but the Chilkoot pass. They
talked Of poverty disease and lack OF
employment, and in general painted
things with the hue of indigo.
Certainly it does take pluck to enable
one to forget past woes and to hustle
on and make future benefactions of
them. But it can be done. Leyel-head-
ed philosophy will find something good
even in the vermiform appendix, which
physicians pronounce the most
useless and mjschievous thing
short of bicycle scorcher. And,
indeed, speaking of the vermiform APP
pendiX in this connection serves to
bring to attention-as q prCof-the case
of a Chicago man named Maggles. 1t
is always well to have confederation
handy
Maggles is a solicitor of subscriptions,
and is employed by the management of
a machinists publication called Pumps
and Cogs, journal devoted to ma
chinery, and as dry and uninterestlng
to the average person as punk. And
yet Maggles makes from $3.50 to SAG
IL day in persuading hotel clerks and
lawyers and restaurant keepers and
clothiers and others to subscribe for
his little paper with its portrait of the
discoverer of new eccentric shafting
on the front cover.
1t is all owing to his vermiform APP
pendiX Snatching happiness out of the
jaws of misery, MaggIes causes his
old, trouble-breeding appendix to
bring in subscribers in waves, like pros
perity.
A year ago Maggles found there was
something wrong with his own physical
running gear, so he went to hos
pital and learned that, as he certainly
did not have grip or consumption or
smallpox, he must have appendicitis.
That was the time when appendicitis
was being had by almost everybody
and was holding popular attention. Ut
ran its course in public esteem and
then gave way to airships.) Maggles
had it in such way that the surgeon
chucllled in grewsome glee and told
him they would have to open him like a
pocketbook and remove the useless
little contraption-and they did it, too
1t was a long siege, and Maggles left
the hospital away in debt and out OF
employment, and, indeed, under such
circumstances as to make the world
seem rather bleak to his view. But
in his hour of darkest woe he was a care
full, long-headed man. He preserved
the miserable little cause of his i'll. A
less thrifty person would not think OF
saving such a reminder of days of pair
and grief, but Maggles knew his bust
ness.
1t would be wasteful of words to at
tempt to draw a picture of Maggles
hard chase for job; but, bitter as was
his experience, one thing buoyed him VI
and sustained him, and that was the
possession of the little, white, leech
like torturer in the small bottle of al
cohol, and at last he obtained plac,
on the Pumps and Cogs paper. Ther
fortune smiled.
The man who publishes the paper
had no thought of Maggles making
more than rs cents a day in commits
sions, and when the new solicitor turned
in reports showing himself to be EN-
titled to $12, the publisher doubted theil
authenticity. But Maggles turned owe.
the cash to prove the worth of the sig
natures, and the Pumps and Cogs mar
went into dreams of joy. The next day
Maggles appeared with orders and casl
approximating $50, and on the thirc
day his own commission was $17.45
Then the editor begged for an eXplana
ton.
"You're a WONDER" he said, and
just want to know how you do it,"
swell, I'll tell YOU" said Maggles
''It's an easy thing, and if l didn't hav
monopoly l wouldn't give it away
Now, tomorrow you arrange to call a
johnson q Jones' law Office, in the Cham
Der of Commerce building. Be there a
ten o'clock. Have any old excuse an,
wait for me and you'll see how it u.s."
So the Pumps and Cogs man wen
round to the Chamber of Commerce
building the next day and waited in tn