Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1897-03-01
JUST FOR FUN.

Does your latest novel enjoy large
sale? he inquired.
don't know whether the novel en-
| joys it or not, replied the author, but
I do.
I'll wager that woman submarine
diver doesn't stay under the water
more than ten minutes at time.
Why?
| Nobody down there to talk to.
He-Would your mother object to
my kissing you?
She Indignantly mother!
Why she wouldn't hear of such a
thing!
Why do You insist on being married
on Friday, Whirly?
So that her folks will charge our
bad luck to that fact instead of me.
He who takes wife takes care,
said one of Franklin's maxims, but
sometimes if he took more care he
might get better wife.
The average woman's idea of luxury
is to ride in a parior car with a new
hat on and have the porter bring her
a glass of ice water.
Folks nebbel is saterfed said Uncle
Eben. Err white young lady is allus
tryin' ter git frizzes in her hair, and
de culled young lady is allus tryin' to
git lem out.
Uncle George, what is dyspeptic?
A dyspeptic is a delicate person
who has to have special dishes pre-
pared for him, and then whirls in and
eats some of everything else on the
table.
Arthur Il would marry that girl but
for one thing.
Fred-Afraid to pop the question?
Aruhur-No. Afraid to question
the pop.
He-And did you see Monte Carlo
while you were at Nice?
She-No; papa called on him l be-
lieve, but from his disappointed ap-
pearance when he returned to the
hotel I think Mr. Carlo must have
been out.
An English coachman was asked to
tie up a dog, and resigned on the
ground that it was the buffers duty.
The butler declined and resigned, and
after six servants had left, the Earl
tied the dog up himself.
De stone what does de roamin, said
Uncle Eben, may not gadder any moss
but de cat what agitates the neighbor
hood for miles around has de oppor-
tunity of pickin' up quite a little in
de way of donashuns.
Proprietor-Go tell that man who
| just came in to shut the door, / hate
such carelessness!
Clerk-That wasn't carelessness on
his part sir; it was a precaution. He's
book agent.
| Time is money said Uncle Eben, but
dab amt no way o. cac'latin' what de
returns fun seech an investment is
gwineter be. Sometimes er two min
utes covnhsation III bring in er stiddy
income of trouble fob 10 or 20 y'ahs
The price you ask for your manu-
script, sir, is exorbitant! said the pub
Usher. Exorbitant! repeated the care
worn author, disdainfully. Why, man
I've been paying postage on that
story for the last twenty years.
Judge-What is the charge against
this man Mr.. officer?
| Officer-Creating a disturbance,
your honor.
Judge--Was it much of disturb
ance?
Officer-Indeed it was, sir. 1t woke
me up.
Does your wife worry about burg
| lars?
Not much answered Mr.. Meekton.
I wonder what she'd say if she
| found one in the house?
| I don't know. But have an idea
that she'd ask him how he dared come
in the house without wiping his shoes
| on the mat.
| A lady teacher told one of the boys
to name all the Presidents, and when
he replied he couldn't the teacher
said: When I was as old as you L
could name them all. The boy replied
There were only a few Presidents
| then.
Don't allow the lungs to be impaired by the
| continuous irritation of cough. 1t is easier
| to- prevent consumption than to cure it. One
| Minute Cough Cure taken early will ward off
any fatal lung trouble. III. G. Pierce, Barton;
d. W. Hildreth, Barton Landing; R. E.
French, Glover.
Nerve Strain-It must be q good