Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-03-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

of help. Truth.
If you are looking for trouble tell q
woman that her new wrap is unbecom-
ing. -Atchison Globe.
Mr.. Dudeley during the shampoo)
-"Ahl say, me good fella, you will
shake me brains outl" Barbet-"No
danger. sir. Judge.
Friend-"Why is it that there is SO
much dyspepsia in this country?"
Doctor-"My theory is that we have
too many cooks. Puck.
Diner Isn't that pretty small
steak?" Attendant-"Yes Yes; but You'll
find it will take you good while to
eat it. Boston Transcript.
81 understand your football eleven
has lost several members. "Oh,
none to speak of; only half dozen
ears or SO. indianapolis Journal.
Mamma, saw a dog to day that
hai only three legs" Weren't you
awfully sorry for him?" "No'm; he
had one more leg than had. Lon
don Tit Bits.
Freddie -"Whnt do you want to
catch the fly for?" Little johnnie
"Sistel has just made herself glass
of lemonade, and I'm awful dry
Pittsburg Bulletin.
"Sardonix encouraged me to offer
my picture. He intimated that it
ought to be exhibited, said the artist.
"What did he say?" "He said it was
sight. Washington Star.
elf 1 have my coming-out party at
the same time as Daisy Innet's, NAM
ma, not n society reporter will come"
"We might advertise orr supper IN
hour later than hers. Puck.
Smith-"You told me your friend
sang like bird. think he has hor-
ribly boarse voice. How can you say
it il like bird?" Jones--"Well, the
bird 1 meant was crow. Judge.
81 don't know" cried the excited
feminine voice in the darkness,
"whether you are my husband or a
burglar, but I'm going to be on the
safe side and shoot. Detroit Tri-
bune.
81 am plain man," said Bloughly,
"and I believe in being practical. !
love you and 1 want you to be my
wife" "Well," replied the fair one,
chow much are you worth ?"-Phila-
delphia American.
She-'It is true that have broken
the engagement. and that still have
your ring, but do you know why l re.
tain that ring2" He (ruefully)-"On
the theory, suppose, that to the vic.
tor belong the spoils. Truth.
Proprietor why did you not give
that gentleman the roast chicken he
asked for?" Waiter-'1 know my
business. 1 gave him something
cheaper, SOS he would have some
money left to tip me with. ."-Stand'
ard.
eyes," remarked the proud father,
"he's the finest baby the neighbor-
hood has ever seen. Ny wife says the
same thing" care you going to make
a musician of him?" "Ob, It's alto.
gether too early to decide that. His
hair hasn't begun to grow yet."-
Washington Star.
Young Wife (wishing to please)-
snow, dear, what dress would you ad-
wise me TO wear for the concert thit
EVENING"" Fond Husbnnd-"Well, ]
think au accordion skirt, with brass
band round the waist, and piped
sleeves, might fit the occasion. -
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Teacher-"As an example in frac.
tions, suppose man kept butchers
shop and n customer called for five
pounds of meat, and he had only four
to sell. What would tho butcher do p
Johnny IA butchers bright sony -
"Keep his hand on the meat while he
was weighing it. standard
"Ah, a new DRAMA" repeated the
playwright. "About how decent would
you like it? "Oh, from one hundred
and fifteen to one hundred and twenty
VOLTS" answered the manager. Peo
| plo were by no means as easily shock e6
as formerly. and art had governed it
self neutrality-suspicious. Tribune
De "When l was in the West tn,
last time / had a very narrow escape
from burning otel. was awakened
by tho smoke, and with not minute
TO spare rushed down the fire escape
=" She (breathlessly) "Oh, wha
did you have on? He (visibly EN-
barrassed) )-"Ah-hum-a vory iivel,
hustle, miss. Cardiff Western Mail