The Monitor-register., 1897-07-23
A LITTLE FUN.

A LITTLE FUN.
"How often do you kill man ?" asked
passenger f New London motorman
he other day
"Ouly once" was the laconio reply
Ti5une.
Doing His Worst -"Ha % exclaimed
no Spanish general 1T is a splendid
lea ~
"Have you hit upon a new plan for
arassir G the enemy ?"
"Yes. It's little cruel, but all's fair |
D war. I'm going to have free distri- |
ution of thermometers, so that every
nan in the Cuban army will be tempted
D worry over the heat r'-W Washtnqton
star
Her Mistake.-It is not necessary to
epeat his remarks.
When his wife heard them imperfectly,
'eing in the mex. room. she said
"Oh, do say that over again, dear"
"L>ok here, woman." he replied in a
concentrated voice, when a man gets his
inger caught between a sprocket and
chain, it is no time for his wife to get
funny"
"Oh ~ said she. "Was that it? l
thought you were repeating one of those
Christian Endeavor 'yells.' '"-Indianap.
oils Journal
Mr. King Il understand you W ere at
the Whist Club last night. Have a good
timeP
Miss Qneen.-"Splendid 1 had no
idea that whist was such delightful
game"
Mr.. King - How many games did you
play ?"
Miss Queen - On, we didn't play one
whole game. We got talking after the
first hand had been played, and so we
didn't play any more.-Boston Transcript.
~
The Vernacular you think he
puts on too much side ?"
"Yes, and good deal of front but
don't think it has any backing.'-Hdian
apolis Journal
Willing to Treat Then, proud beau.
ty, you refuse my loveP ?" said he.
"Well," said the summer girl, thought.
fully, 81 don't know but that might be
willing to take an option on it."-Ma-
aodukee Sentinel
Deluded. - Weary Watkins - Don't
Alabama mean here we rests?
Hungry Higgins-"Thst's what it says
in the books, and 1 went down there to
see about it, and them long haired, gun
liggin' farmers KEEP me on the keen jump
from the time struck the State till goI
out-IndianGpolis Journal
4*x
Diogenes was on foot with bicycle
lantern
why do you carry that lantern ?" in
quired the king.
II am looking for the best wheel or
the market" quoth Diogones, land up tt
the present date each man have met hal
recommended a different oue,- Washino
ton Capital
Little Johnny.-"Pa, why is it the,
have that big eagle where the minister
stands in church ?'
Pa.-"Because, my son. the eagle is
bird of prey. When yen want to know
anything. always come right to your pa ,
Boston Transcript
x#x
Woman's Way.-He-"When womer
get to voting, if they ever should, they
will be found wearing the party yokes al
meekly as the men,"
She-"They won't if yokes are not in
style.-Cincinnati Enquirer
"How is it that your sons head seem 9
to be drawn to one side ? Only year
ago he was straight as an Indian"
Il can only account for it through the
fact that be did his counting on a tandem"
Detroit Free Press.
**x
SiFnn Evli 1t,
where he had sat for the last forty years
without getting down. A straI gs- looking
object shot by him.
what is that ?" exclaimed the saint,
surprised into breaking his forty years.
silence.
That, your reverence" replied the
wayfarer, sis new method of looomotion
which has just become the fashion,
"Oh, my must see about this" said
St. Simeon, and he climbed down from
bis perch and coaxed the wayfarer to
show him how to mount his heel
Washington Capital
~.
JIMMY DIdSJonubs AW, uAU guy
made me tired, fer be said he wuz savin'
bis money fer rainy day."
Casey de Kidder.-"Yes. an den it will
be too wet ter burn Psttsbura Neaos.
x**
They say that wedding rings are
going out of fashion,"
She.-'Oh, l don't care. If you wish
20 dispense with the ring, dear, it will
make no difference to me. But why
idn't you give me some warning of what
'Ou were about to say? This is so sud-
len."
Then he thought of home aud mother,
'ut it W as too Cleveland Leader,
x*x
Mrs. Eastlake.-"You visited Venice
While you we're in Europe, l hear, Mrs |
rrotter ?"
Mrs. Trotter.-"Yes, indeed, and we
we're rowed about by one of the ohande.
lers for which that city is noted. ."-Har.
er's Bazar.
Indigestion is often taken for cousump |
ion. The word eonaumntion meana