Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-08-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

II can't buy the bicycle. It's too
heavy" "Well, I'll throw in lamp.
Thatll make it lighter Standard
Miss Wantokno-''What did YOU
think of Niagara Falls?" Miss In
tense-"O, they are simply too quaint
for anything. Truth.
"There's one consolation about in
somnia," remarked the sufferer.
What is that?" ''While lie awake
don't have nightmare. Judge.
%"One gets certain finish abroad, I
fancy eyes, one goes over there.
and they tell her she can't sing, and
that's the end Of her. Detroit Jour
nal.
1t has tendency to weaken ones
faith in human nature when one sees
the apothecary shaking hands effusively
with ones physician. Boston Tran
script.
''Too bad about Wellington getting
killed by live wire" Wasn't if.
though? Hereditary, however. His
father was killed by lightning. Gin
cinnati Enquirer
May-'T wouldn't break my heart
over the best man in the world" Cha
peron-"Certainiy not, dear. 1t is
over the worst man that girls break
their hearts. Truth.
She-''Are you sure YOU will like
married life as well as you do the
club?" He-"Oh, yesr' She-"And
are you so awfully fond of your club?"
pt IN.
"What is the matter with the India
rubber man? He is using dreadful
language" said the fat lady. cts
raining hard, and he can't find his
goloshes," said the skeleton dude
Harper's Bazaar.
Bakon-"Do you think the race is
degenerating?" Shikspur - "Well,
when 1 look back to my young days
-" Bakon-"Oh, [ didn't mean
anything PERSONAL L referred to the
race generally"
"Why are all the boys dodging?"
Because the teacher is about to throw
the ruler at bad Tommy" "Then
why doesn't Tommy dodge?" 'sBe-
cause the teacher is going to throw at.
Tommy. Truth.
"Hellol old man, how are you?"
'Wretched! wretched I've had an at
tack of the grippe, and it's left me so
weak can hardly crawl" "What do
you want to crawl for? Why don't
you walk?"-Puck.
Lawyer-'I am afraid I cah't do
much for you. They seem to have
conclusive evidence that you committed
the burglary" Client-"Can't you
object to the evidence as immaterial
and irrelevant?"-London Tid-Bits.
Mrs. Henpeck-"Young Mrs. Bag
ley, who was married on last Thurs
day, tells me her husband left almost
Immediately for the West on. bust
ness trip" Henpeck (viciously)-
eyes, he writes me that he finds mar
ried life very happy existence. -
Philadelphia North American.
Patient-'Isn't it little dangerous
to administer anesthetics? Must be
terrible to have one die in your chair
after you have given him ether" Den
tist-"Yes; it was for that reason that
we adopted a rule that where an anes-
tnetlc Is administered the patient must
pay in advance. boston Transcript.
A poor Irishman on his death-bed
was consoled by friend by the COM
monplace reflection that "We must all
die once" "Why, dear, now," cried
the sick man, "and isn't that what
vexes me? If could die half dozen
times, would not mind it for this
wanst. london Household Words.
A judge, when on circuit in the
West lately, in delivering the charge
to the Grand Jury, said: Gentlemen,
you have heard the evidence. The
Indictment says the prisoner was ar
rested for stealing pigs. The offense
seems to be getting common one.
The time is coming when this must be
put stop to; otherwise, gentlemen,
we shall none of us be safe. Stand