The Van Buren press., 1897-12-25
This strange symptom

les over his affliction he suddenly
shouted:
"'Give me rumi Fetch me some
seorching rye or biting gin!'
.The brethren and sisters were
shocked, but Dominic Dibble kept on
hollering for rum. No one made move
to get him any, and at last he sprang out
of his chair, rushed out of the house,
and made straight for the tavern like a
man running to fire. BY and by no
came back singing:
"Home again, home again.
From foreign shore.
"He had a bottle of rum under his
arm, and the brethren and sisters hur-
ried home, feeling that the end of all
things couldn't be far away. When it
got out, though, that the dominic was
simply suffering from the third stage OF
the kicking fever, they excused him and
reioiced. But the dominic always de-
elared that he never had such pleasing
antidote for pain. Then it began to he
noticed that this last peculiar stage OF
the ailment seemed TO have no regular
period of existence, and it is noted as
fact that the afflicted district wasn't
entirely able to be out and around as
usual until the tavern keeper gave
notice that there wasn't drop of any
thing left that the last stage of the
kicking fever called for.
"During the time the fever lasted
three leading citizens of the Sinnema-
hone were carried off in their bloom by
it. not one of whom even had the con-
ISOLATION of enjoying the treatment for
the last stage. First, there was Abiram
Hinkle. When the kicking fever first
struck the district, the doctor said that
the harder the victims had to kick the
better il would be for them, for II they
couldn't kick hard it would strike in
and that would be the end of 'em. The
kicking always came in the right leg.
Now Abiram Hinkle didn't have any
right leg, it having been taken off clean
in the saw mill. When the attack seized
him he couldn't kick. 1t struck in and
away he went.
"Next was Simon Shelly. Simon
swore by Elijah Pink, the horse doctor,
who could cure anything, according to
Simon's belief. Elijah had cured kick
ing horse for Simon one time by rigging
him to some sort of contrivance
that threw him every time the horse
kicked. Simon made up his mind that
he was Just as apt to have the kicking
fever as his neighbors were, so he sent
for Elijah to provide against it. He had
Elijah fit him with rigging some
thing like the one that cured the kick
ing horse. The very next day the all
ment seized him. Simon was standing
by window in his house. He gave one
tremendous kick. The rigging worked.
1t threw Simon. It threw him out of the
window and head first into barrel OF
rein water that stood beneath 1t. They
didn't discover Simon in time, and that
made two fellow citizens the epidemic
carried away.
.Its third victim was Erastus Sleeper.
Erastus went out to milk his COW one
evening, and just as he began the kick
ing fever took hold of him. He shot out
a kick. 1t hit the COW in the shin. The
disease was so very contagious that just
that one kick gave it to the COW. The
COW kicked. Her kick landed in Erastus'
stomach, and knocked the wind out OF
him so far they couldn't get it back.
Erastus' widow married jeff Roner, the
sheep-pelt buyer.
"Well, this brings me round to my
own deep disappointment. Jepheniah
Biffkins had been paying more atten-
ton to Deacon Peeler's daughter Nan
CIV than seemed to me safe, and when l
came back home that time | made up
my mind I'd settle the matter right
then and there and know whether Nan
CIV was destined to be a Biffkins or a
Pettibone. | went straight to the dea-
cons that very evening, before | had
been home half an hour. This was just
at the time the kicking fever was get
ting in its best licks, but didn't know
a thing about it. Nancy was home, and
hadn't been there long before she had
promised that her name should be
Pettibone. was happy, I tell you, and
just before l got ready to go Deacon
Peeler himself came in. We had very
cheering talk for minute or two, and
started to go. Just as opened the door
| felt tremendous shock, and at the
same time | rose in the air more than
three feet. When landed was stand
ing out in the yard. Before had come
entirely to felt the shock again. Again
| was lifted and swept several feet
further out in the yard. Then looked
back. Nancy's father was just behind
me with a queer look on his face. Hi
right foot rose up and shot out, and th'
shock came third time. Deacon Peelel
was as strong as an OK, and his foo
was shod with a No. 10 cowhide boot
This time the shock lifted me over th'
gate and set me down in the road. Nan
| ey had come running from the house
and she cried out:
"'Father amt kicking you, Praxy
It's only the fever that's workin' OF
him! He amt kicking you'll
"Well! II he wasn't kicking me
didn't know what they called kicking
along the Sinnemahone, and l think
made a remark to that effect as i hur
ried home in sorrow and went TO bed
Next day | heard about the kicking
fever for the first, and then l knew
what Nancy had meant when she de
clared that her father wasn't kicking
me, l went right back with heart
lighter than feather, but Nancy made
it heavy as lead in less than half min
ute.