The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1897-10-07
CHAPTER III.

CHAPTER III.
II DO NOT KNOW HOW FAR WENT,
IA but finally / entered a store and
81 bought some clothes-plainer and
II cheaper than / had been wont 10 wear;
also black valise. Then / went 10
hotel. When came TO register could not
remember my name. / looked at an adj
vertisement that hung in the Office and
wrote the first name read upon it. The
clerk smiled. / was alarmed that he did SO,
and looked behind ME to see who was pur-
suing, and wondered that saw no one.
Entering the barber-shop, 1 had my beard
cut of. 1t had grown unclipped for years.
] was proud of il, and knew it was my most
distinctive feature. When it had been re-
moved / went 10 my room and donned the
clothes / had bought. i meant TO have
STAYED until night, but was afraid did
not know of what. So | cut off my
mustache with a pair of scissors and stole
out having in the valise the clothes / had
worn. / felt strangely weak, yet DID not
dare stop and rest, but pressed on and on,
elingiDg to the vallse, until L could 60 no
farther. Then / sat down on the steps OF
q house TO rest and think, or try to think
to remember.
Everything seemed strange, vague and
confused. / could not remember who / was.
had an uncertain feeling that something
vas wrong F; what, i could not tell | was
afraid of everyone ] saw. / could not make
out where / was or where / wished to 90.
Ny only thought was that i was pursued
and must flee. Why, 1 did not know, nor
whittier.
This feeling would not let me rest. When
started on / could walk only with diff
entity. One leg seemed to drag, and / had
feeling of having lost something but could
not think what it was. Now / know il
must have been my yalise. / hunted for 1T,
I am told, for years, never knowing what L
sought, only that it was something l had
lost.
This is all I can remember-all can re-
call after the moment when | lost myself.
From that time all was blank. / seem to
have walked for years and years, always
with difficulty, always anxious to rest, but
afraid to stop. That was all. / think L
must have fallen somewhere and suffered
some injury, perhaps Of the spine. but do
not know. / was dead, and long before the
resurrection came all traces OF confusion,
II there were one, had passed away.
What happened while was dead do
not know, except as I have learned from
Others or inferred from what came TO know
afterwards. Ijudge that must have been
In fairly-good physical condition during
this interval, save for general weakness
and lie hargy, with dizziness and dragging
of one side. ] am told that slept great
part of the time.
Impressions seem to have faded as fast
as made. i seem to have known what was
going on about me, but to have had no
memory of anything 10 the past, near or re-
mote. There is said TO have been a marked
quietDess and decorum in my manner.
am told that / retained knowledge of GER
tain things it might be expected that one
would lose under such conditions 1t is
said, for instance, that / could read, pro-
nouncing The words with some difficulty
but correctly, though showed little COM
prehension of their meaning. So, too,
could speak, answering questions with an
apparent comprehension of the fact that
they were questions, but without any clear
conception of the words uttered in reply.
i am informed that learned no new words
or namts during this time, but persisted in
calling all people by names that had evil
IDENTIFY belonged TO others i had known be-
fore my death, using only given names,
however, or surnames without distinguish
Ing forenames. Even the dogs and horses |
saw-of which i was very fond-I woald
not call by their proper names. Though /
might repeat them over and over again,
seem 10 have had no power of associating
them with the particular animals to which
they belonged.
In short, while my brain was apparently
susceptible TO impressions il appeared to lack
the capacity 10 hold or recall them. / am
told that there but n,a ,,,aa ~.
but one word, which seemed TO awaken
some latent thrill Of recoilection-some echo
OF past which struggled vainly for utter
aDce and recognition. This word was
Wife" Whenever j was asked if / had
vile, 1t is recorded that / became always
deeply moved and kept repeating, both
awske and asleep, for several days there
sft,r in most pleading and supplicating
tones. Wife, Wife, as if calling for some
loss presence. AT the same time while wide
awake, it is said that 1 made continued
search as for something lost; from which
IL was in.srIed that the lost something
was so often seeking was my wife, whose
death or disappearance might have been the
cause of my mental disturbance.
This, no doubt, may have helped to divert
Inquiry into wrong channels, and may have
saved her whose love was sufficient even to
pierc the darkness that hung over my inn
prsoned conscience, the sorrow that would
1--we attended knowledge of the truth.
/ can never be grateful enough that the
slunbering sense, while not wholly dead Ia
sweetest of all endearing terms, was yet i'm
,ersioas TO all else, so that she whom
loved even in death was never called upon
ID look upon the face from which the soul
light had departed or hear the agonizina
cry of struggling consciousness which
could not have comprehended her tenderest
most fearful and reiterated response. That
sorI=s was at least spared the gentle one
who from The hour of our marriage had
ra->ly been addres. ed by NE by any The,
ma ne.
We lad lived very close to each other
toe close, perh. ps, for had told her all my
'~oes, ali ~ plans for The morrows o
which we were 10 be ever-young ioin:-ten.
Dts--everytl ng hat had been or wa.
hoped for Ia nay life, until the accused
temptation Of the c. c. C. got hold upon M
tn"n- b. 10 make that joyful surprise
Il "a OF The woiui, dark awakening of IN