Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1897-03-25
ABE AND THE KURNEI
THEY DISCUSS THE POSSIBILITIES OF
SOME GREAT IDEAS.


SOME GREAT IDEAS.
Lost and Wasted Power That Gould Be
Utilized In Street Cars-Enough Horse.
power In Chilblains and Common Coughs
to Turn the Wheels Of Commerce.
"Mawnin, Kurnel Dawson; mawnin
to yo'," saluted Abe Crofoot as he en-
countered the good natured planter in
the corridor Of the postofice the other
day. "Say, kurnel, ever noticed anything
shuckless about me?''
"Why, no. replied the colonel. "Yo'
don't appear to git along as right well
as some, but I take it that circumstances
hev bin again yo'.
"That's it, kurnel; jest sarcum-
stances, and I'm glad yo' kin see it. ]
was BON too late to be gineral and too
early to be president Of the United
Stats, but these ERE Pike county folks
can't overlook it. -
''Shco, shoe! But yo' amt gwine to
give up, Abe?"
"Say, Kurnel Dawson, replied Abe
as he stepped back to survey the colonel,
Ibid yo' ever ar Of the phenix bird?'
Cant rightly say I ever did, Abe
Is it crow or buzzard or some such
thing?"
"The phenix bird, sah-the phenix
bird is bird that rises up from the
ashes when all has been destroyed and
begins business ag in. Yo' may burn all
his tail feathers off, but he rises jess the
same and proceeds to grow new ones.
He's got ambition and pluck, and he'll
git thar in the end. I'm that phenix
bird. kurnel. .
"Shool Risin' right up, eh?"
sThat's what I'm doin, sab, and it
won It be month befo' these Pike county
folks will hide their heads fur shame.
I've got mo- ideas, kurnel- heaps and
heaps Of 'em. All I want is leetle
time to work 'em out. Yo've seen them
'lectric street cars. reckon?"
"Of CO Sc. -
"What becomes Of the. Electricity after
| 1t gifts through runnin the CARP
| ''Shool Shoot" replied the colonel as
| he scratched his head and looked puz-
zled.
Wasted, Kurnel Dawson, wasted in
the air and the ground Thar's waste
of "a per cent Of the power right along
every hour i'll the day. Why not save it
and utilize it? That's one of my ideas.
That yere wasted power can be made to
pass hat along and collect fares, to
push fat man along on the seat and
make room, to open and close umbrellas
if it rains, to chuck aredheaded man off
the Car if he won't pay his fare. It can
be made to do mo-, kurnal, heaps mo-,
but yo' git my idea?''
II sorter git it, Abe-jess huff to see
that it's big thing, bound to be win
ner. Say. Abe. thar ought to be riches
in it. +"
EUR shore Gimme month to think
it over, and I won't take millyon dol
lars fur the idea. That amt all, how
ever That's only one Of so big things
I'm workin on. Yo've had chilblains on
your feet, kurnel?"
"Yes, drat emf
..And yo've had to scratch 'em!
Scratchin don't do no good, but that's
allus the idea In these United Stats
thar ar exactly 1888, 1853 people who
hev chilblains every winter. Each one
scratches a total Of Sc hours. Every
time yo' scratch chilblain yo' put 70 tn
jess half of one Horsepower. Yo' kin call
it 500 Horsepower wasted by 1888, 1853
people That's sol, 584, 600 Horsepower
gone to waste when it could be made to
distill and bar'l up all the whisky man
ufactured in the United Stats See the
pint, kurnel? Let 'em keep on scratchin,
though it don't do no good, but store up
the power and sell or rent it Yo' can
come in on the ground floor and take
stock at so cents en- the dollar, but it II
i go up to 200 befo' a month rolls around.
How does it strike yo'?"
abe, 20 ar a wonderful critter-
jess wonderful" gasped the colonel as
he extended his hand
''Thankee, kurnel! I don't go fur to
make any claims for myself, but I reck-
on these yere Pike county scandalizers
will h'ar sunthin drap befo' am
through When yo've coughed yo'r head
was throwed forward and yo'r heels lift
ed up, Kurnel Dawson?''
Heaps Of times, Abe
i And when yo' coughed yo' exerted
yo'rsef bout the same as when yo'
climbed fence. Of the 1000, 900 peo-
| pie in America about one-half have a
cough all the time. It's all wasted exer-
ton. Yo' cough because yo' can't help
it, but yo' don't accomplish anything.
I've fggered that wasted power right
down fine, kurne1, and it amounts to
26,000,000 Horsepower var, leavin
out baby coughs. See where am at?"
"Store up the power and use it, Abe?"
queried the colonel
Fur shore, but not to turn the wheels
Of commerce. Use it to help people up
stairs in their houses. and thus do away
with elevators. Every five people cough
| in Orter lift an ole woman up an or
| binary pair Of stairs ard hev sunthin
left over. It's got to work with a system
Of springs, and it may take me few
weeks to invent sunthin, but the idea is
| thar, kurnel-the idea is thar!"
| "She's thar, Abe-she's right tharl''
| solemnly added the colonel as he reached
out his hand again.
"And look yere, Kurnel Dawson,
continued Abe as he became more ex-
hilarated, 'yo' own mo- or less nevis,
take it?'
'Bout 20 nevis, Abe. /"
"And they kick mo- Or less?''
'They do, drat 'em Can t skassly go
nigh one of 'em without he kicks. -
"Thar ar jess exactly fo'teen mill
yon nevis in these United Stats, kur-
mel, not countin any BON since sunrise
this mawnin. Each one of them nevis
will kick an average of ten times day,
making 140, 900. 900 kicks every "a
hours. Whar does all that power 60 to,
kurnel?'
"Wasted, reckon. y
That's right-wasted on the air,
when it could be slowed 10 and made