Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1897-04-30

her work right along, and then you
will marry some high ilier who will
pull every hair out of your head and
serve you right too
Professor, for mercy's sake, stop!'
when you know, and | know, that
if your wife had q chance to rest and
had nice clothes like other women she
would be one OF the best looking wo-
men OF her age in the town."
Il swan l believe it,"
"And, old as she is, if you were to
get out the carriage next Sunday and
drive around with the colts and tell
her you wanted her to go to meeting
with you, she would actually blush
with pleasure"
Darned if don't do it."
"Thcn, Monday, if you were TO tell
her you were going to hire a girl, and
that she must sit in the sitting room
by the new nickel plated coal stove
and work on that new silk dress you
are going to buy her.
Professor, that's me-"
"And then hand her a nice wallet
with steel clasps and with five nice
new $40 notes in it, and tell her to do
her own trading after this, because
you have got tired looking after 80
much money"
"I will, as sure as you live"
"And then, when the tear starts in
her eye, and the same old blush comes
out that you thought was so nice when
you went on that teeter to Albany, if
you would kiss her.
cts all right, professor"
"Then, my friend, I should begin to
to think she had made something b.
marrying a rich man."
"You're right, old man."
"Then think you wouldn't have a
miserable wife any longer. Then you
would no longer want to sell or rent
the farm, but would be showing the
mother of your children how much
you respected her for her life of devo-
ton. Then she would know she was
a partner in that $4,000. Then, if
you made your will all right, and she
had good rest, think she would
some time be an eligible widow"
"Think so, professor"
II know it. Woman is a plant
that wants sunshine. You have been
leaving your wife in the shade too
much. She has lost her color. You
have made her think she is an old wo-
man. She has given up all hope of
admiration and love, and is only wait
ing to die and get out of the way.
Suppose you were treated SOP"
What me? I am all right"
eyes, 1 know. Women pity you be.
cause you are tied to such sorry
looking wife. Foolish old maids and
silly girls whisper behind your back
what a nice looking man you are, and
what a stick of wife you have, and
you are just soft enough to wear tight
boots and oil what little hair you have
left on the top of your head and go
around figuring up how long before
your wife will die"
"Say now, see here, professor, there
is limit to endurance. I am going"
"I am coming down to see you next
week. Will it be all righti"
ayes, if you drop this kind of talk
and won't tell of my complaints about
my wife. I'll try your medicine.
Would you stick for that prescription
about the pocketbook and $40 notes!"
"How much did you say you have
made together"
IT cave. The dress will be all right,
and the pony and phaeton will be
handy for the gals. Come down and
see us, old man, but not a word about
this talk. If you wasn't an old man,
I'd"-
Tipping his derby back on his head
and shaking the wrinkles out of his
tight trousers, he put his hands into
his pocket and sauntered away.
"There" said I, els one man who
has taken the only legal and God
given way of getting rid OF a miserable
w;fov