The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1897-08-21
One Thing and Another.

lucky man has become the patentee o
Il water filter.
Dean Swift said: elf Il man makes mt
keep my distance the comfort is h'
keeps his at the same time"
Lavater: ale submits to be seer
through Il microscope who suffers HIM
self to be caught in II fit of passion"
..My son,'' said II venerable sage,
remember that it Is just as wicked IL
act II lie as TO tell one, and II darn sight
haideI."
A Cincinnati saloon keeper who was
locked in his refrigerator for two hours
knows just how it is in the Klondike
and dOsn't want TO go.
The use which the French make OF
their hands and shoulders in converse
ton renders supertluous Is per cent OF
the word in their language.
The first dressmaker has arrived in
KlondIke, and henceforth lovely women
will have no fear of crossing the waste
that lies between juneau and the Yu-
kon.
Iceland has only one policeman.
When he wants to wet his whistle with
a hot toddy he is never afraid of the
sergeant poking his nose around the
corner.
Mrs. Russell Sage was 40 when she
vas married, which was young enough
under the circumstances. A woman
who is going to hitch up with a stingy
man can't put it off too long.
A freak museum manager wrote to a
party in Kentucky making an offer for
IA rope with which any man had been
lynched. The party replied: "We
have none on hand now, but we have
placed your order on file, and you are
likely TO heal from us soon."
"And," were the concluding words OF
the professors lecture to the medical
students, '.do not promise too much.
knew u physician of real ability who
covered himself with ridicule and ohio
guy by promising a patient whose legs
he had just a~mputated, that ne would
have him on his feet within two weeks"
A Washington correspondent tells of
a Western Congressman whom he once
heard declaiming in a Washington
hotel about the new navy: 1--WE must
have speed in our new ships,'' he said,
''if had my way about it we would
never build another cruiser that could
sail less than twenty fathoms an hour!"
In a recent address before the college
literary societies in Roanoke, Va,
Champ Clark, speaking of Daniel
Webster, said: ssThe entire history of
England and America furnishes no
record of any man who has left an
abiding impress on the Jurisprudence
of his country, from Alfred the Great
to Chief Justice Fuller, who was an
Atheist or an infidel."
A California Judge has decided that
the law does not compel a man 10 re-
veal secrets whispered to him by his
wife. That is a good law, because
men need some legal support in their
efforts TO keep secrets. OF course it
makes no difference what the law is
about a wife's privilege to withhold
such information, for 1t Is notorious
that wen the lnqulsltion could not in
duce a woman to divulge a secret.
"a new trial has been granted you!"
the lawyer, rushing in.
Thanks" SAID the prisoner, in easy
tones, looking up from the morning
paper. ''NIay l asx on what grounds P"
'.You were convicted, !" replied the law
err, .sof having killed a man with a 30
ball, but the experts have dis
that the ball was a 38-caliber!"
1T is as | expected, :" said the prisoner.
'Sit down and rest YOURSELF"
The voices of American young women
ire said by Marchesi 10 be most beau
iful. But they do not last. The
whole time is given to the study of
and little to the building up of
he physical u on which, in
they are laying heavy demands.
spraying the throat with different con-
.oclions, living in overheated rooms in
drinking quantities of iced
liquid in summer. eating candy, pastry
md rich, starchy foods all tend to in
ure the singing voice.
Chief Moore of the weather bureau
ays: IA recent Investigation shows
rhine to be more frequent in the warm
months han in the cold months of the
ear. Taking in the whole country,
January, February and March
here were 1900 suicides reported,
7hile in July, August and September
here we're 500. In the same period
here we're 100 murders in the cold
erm, as compared with $500 in the
hot months. As if in sympa-
there were fifty persons hanged or
in the three cold months and
ID hanged or lynched in the three hot
nonths."