The times., 1897-09-05
WIDOW sKENNER,S BICYCLE.

wasn't a fishnet. lobster pot. pair of
oyster tongs, or anything else ina could DC
made use OF IN our bizness, and we set our
faces aginit and determined t. keep 'em sot-
Deacon Spooner's son came up from Phila-
delphIa riGu a bike, and the deacon met
him at the gate, ana sez.
jim, I'm powerful glad 60 see We, but
we are all agin the bike in squan Creek"
What's the matter OF the bike?'' says
Jim.
'.Taint material 1t amt a wagin nor it
amt wheeioarrer It's Jest an invensllun
OF Satan's To captar' more souls Amy
pusson as viii ride around ON one o. those
things viii gaInbIe, boss race, cilaw ter
hacker and steal a dead widder's grave
sun. III ven 10 aside ana git hand
| sled I'll Kill the fatted calf: but + ye wont.
| III hev to forbid ye the house,
At that jim got mad aud rode off,
| calm MS pop II Iunatic and everybody
else fuIe, but Squan Creek was with
| the deacon We called a public meetIu'
| and passed resoIushuns in his praise. and
sich was the feelin toward him that hs
could hev borrowed dollar OF any man
| in town without giving his note as security
| TWO weeks later sunthin' more hap
| pened-suntLin' that stirred up society
| clear down to the mud and kept things
bnin' fur several weeks. The Widder
| Skinner, who had all along been daring
| pubIi,; opinion by sittin on the fence,
| skatin' on rollers and pIayin' billiards,
| sent to New York fur bike. It got
around town that she was goin 10 hev
one, and We talked it over and sent Silas
| Coddington to her to find out all
about it. He found her smokin' d cigar
ette, and as soon as he could choke
his heart hack down into his chest, hs
SEE:
--widder Skinner, is it true that you
hey sent up TO New York fur one Of thefn
souIdestroyers called a bike?''
You bet your life I heyl'' replies ths
widder.
and ar ye goin' to ride it2''
Il am, anG don't ye forgit it.'
Silas had to wait till his knees got over
wobbnn' before he could go on:
''isut mebbe you don't know that squan
| Creek is agin the bike. even fur men?''
Il don't know and don't keer!'' says
the widdsr, as she lighted another cigar
cite.
It'll be the destruction Of society. and
mebbe the town itself, " ssz Silas Can't
we coax ye to give over on yer tdea?''
Not a coaxt' sez the wtdder.
Then we might raise purse of $50 to
bay ye off. Sodem and tomorrow Was
destroyed fur bein' wicked, and we don't
want squaL Greek to be STINK fifty feet in
The mud. Wi1ye gin up he bike and attend
prayer meetin il we raise $50?''
NO. nor fur S5,ooOl'' sez she, and she
pitched into hiia and into the town TIL
he was glad 10 pick up his hat andskip-
Three or foUr days later the bike arrived,
and one cveain', Jest as We had all got
through supper and turned cut on tie street
To smoke and tell lies and scandaIiZe
everybody who was absent, the widder
skinner brGng out her wheel and 5egun to
perform. She had never taken any les
sons. batmeant TO lear right there and then.
she had on short skirt, and d shuGder Il
horror went Up and down andaCrUss SquaH
Greek. She had On Ieggins aud a cap, aud
when Silas Coddjngton took notice OF them
he fell against fence and smashed three
rods OF it as flat as pancake.
III that didn't begin with the widder's
performance, however. She got on and
she fell off. She fell kersplash and she
fell kerplunk. Children wept, women
turned pale and hid their faces, and the
men looked at each other and felt chiIis
Creepin' up their backs. 1t was finally
decided that Joel Carter should wTass.e
with the widder and let her know the drift
of public opinyun. he hated to do it. but
we urged nim on, and he finally went up
TO her and said.
'-WiGder Skinner, if this thing gifts noiSed
about, and of course it viii, town lots in
Squan Greek won't be wuth $50 apiece
next week
WHAT dye want?'' sez She, lookin' up
with both eyes fun o sass
we want ye 10 stop this performance
hev never bin TO circus, and thar
amt money 'nuf in all New Jerses TO
hire me TO go. out I guess this is even
wuss squan Greek calls upon ye In the
name OF humanity TO quitr'
''Squan Greek can 90 hang herself"'
SCI the widder, as she tries 10 mount
aid makes another tumble Of it.
Then let me appeal to ye in the name
OF the Lord" SCI joel, as he grows more
airHesr ''He is Iookin' down on squal
CrpeS and on you, and I'm fearin' you'll
be turned into pillar OF salt and the
;own overwhelmed by a high tide
Now, then" says the widder. as
she gits UP with blood in her eye, I'm
goin' TO ride this bike or break my neck
and all you kin say OF DO won't stop
NE, Git outer my way and gimme a
) show, and any OF you who don't Ike il
T kin go hang yerseIvesr'
! That was the last appeal made 70 her
l Everybody realized that she was sot, and
, that talkin' would do no good. jun Hope
fui, the constable offered to arrest the
! widder fur bein a circus without a Ii
( ceuse, but it was decided To hold an in
4 dignashUn meetin instead One was called
! that very night, and seven different speak
: ers go. up and said that the morals oI
n SqUan Creek was ruined forever, aud tnai
bizncss would fan off till a crow couIdn'
+ find ptckin's. Then it was
e Resolved, Thatthe Wilder skinner eyin
s busted up Squan Creek by performJn on
= bike, she ar 20 be no longer recognized
; in this community as q female and
u human helm, and may God hev mere.
e on her soul. Also that social prayers b
: prayed all next week that the Creator
don't hold this thing up agin us and blo
5 out the town
:, copy Of the above resOluShunS was VII
e out and handed tC the widder in person
t by Phiietus Jackson, but she tore the pape
e up and laughed in his face, and withl
= q week she was cavortin around on tn
|, sOul-deztroyin maSheen and maxim hog
:. and dogs and human folks git outer he
+ way or take the oOnsekences.
Some f9lks thought She move away. :,
that the Lord would call her hence, bI
she stuck right 60 Squan Creek for tw
IT or three years, srd when she left It thar
a was over twenty witnin folks ridIn' wheel
:, and teIlin- society to go to grass. Eve
n old Silas COddington was coaxed to tr