The record-union., 1897-08-27
CLICKING" AN EDITOR.
HOW A CICERO, ILL.,, LAWYER
CAME TO GRIEF.
An Old Sacramento Editor Who
Can Take Care Of
Himself.

Well known here:
Attorney George B. Finch of Austin
is a warm member.
That is to say, he reckoned he was
up to last Saturday morning. He
thought he was a bird-a veritable
bull-finch. Now he isn't sure, but he
may be a coot Anyway, he realizes
that there are other cinders on the
dump.
What a fall was there, my country
menl"
Twas even thus.
All down the dim vista of the ages
it has been ever and anon demon
strated that a man may have high
forehead, like a cows, and the assur-
ance of Lucifer, and yet be Charley
boy in the hands of his shrewd fellow
beings
So has it also been recognized, time
whereof the memory of man runneth
not to the contrary" that persons
system may be stopping over with the
bellicose. and he may have tendoms
that seem stout enough TO ether
wild ass, and yet not be able to lick
his weight in wildcats without putting
tar on his heels.
So with Lawyer Finch, who came in
to this office last Saturday to play
you're it, with the editor. He came,
he saw, and
oh, mammal
When he went away he looked like
the breaking UP of a hard winter
ASSAULTED THE EDITOR.
Lawyer Finch on that occasion was
the hero of a brave assault on the edi-
tor of the fVindicator." It couldn't
have been else than a brave assault,
for Mr.. HALEY is a sout, robust man of
Sc and Finch is only a sapling
of 80 or thereabout The lawyers ire
was kindled by the subjOined editorial
note. which appeared in the last issue
of the "Vindicator:"
Cicero contains some good lawyers,
but our economical $1,000 President
refused to hire one that would cost the
town more than he was receiving him
self, so he secured the services of
man to conduct the important business
of the town of Cicero that is classed
as only third or fourth rate, and VINO
is no match whatever for the corpo-
ration lawyers that are constantly pit
ter against him. This is one of the
reasons why the town is fooled at
every turn"
Now, you wouldn't think a man
would get made at a little thing like
that.
He did, though.
He was mad clear through as soon
as he read it, A bear with sore
head wouldn't hold a candle to him.
Then he read the item again and
looked at it horizontally, perpendic-
ularly and slantingdicularly and
finally put his head down and
sprawled over it. till he was SO
mad he couldn't, couldn't, couldn't con-
tain himself any longer.
Then he set forth to ''lick' the editor.
His wrath was awful.
Tt was terrible.
There was blood in his eyes; his fine.
Roman nostrils were dilated; his ears
fapped viciously, and his incinerating
breath came out in shorter pants than
a ballet dancers.
His blue, noble blood fairly boiled,
for it had reached a stage hot enough
to fry pitch out of a palm leaf fan.
Strong men went in and shut their
store doors when they saw him COM
ing: women turned pale and many
verged on Mysteries; small boys ran
for the trees in the town hall park,
and it is said that wandering dogs ran
home with dropping tails and piercing
yelps and crawled under the barn.
1t was a sight for sore eyes!
Oh. Mr.. Finchl
johnson, turn me lOOse!"
CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE.
When George Bull Finch reached the
inner sanctuary of the "Vindicator'' he
with firm step and ferocious mien.
AS he approached Mr. HALEY he said:
What did you put that in the paper
about me for, you b-d?'
And before the startled editor could
reply Finch dealt him a singing blow
on the side of the head and rapidly fol-
lowed with another blow in the face.
Mr.. Haley was the only one round
the office at the time. The fight also
was only one round.
Mr.. HALEY saw stars that were en-
tirely out Of place at the time. Not
withstanding, he rose and grappled
with his antagonist. Then there was
a tussle that was worth seeing, and
no one there to seei
The two struggled and squirmed like
a brace of conger cells. But not for
i
antagonist on his back and, fastening
the editorial fingers to the legal throat,
he choked the limb of the law till he
hung out his tongue as a flag of truce,
while a succession of congested noises
came from his tortured windpipe with
a sound like a hen laying a brick.
Poor Finch!
1t looked as though there wouldn't
be enough left of him to bait a rat
trap.
Whenever he could speak he pleaded
to be let up, and finally Mr.. Haley.
wearying of the performance, relaxed
his grip on the lawyers throat and let
him so.
He went, too.
His hands were more or less LAGER
ated in the conflict, and his clothes
were about as badly used up as he was.
Three or four spectators had gathered
by this time, and they said to the
s'Vindicator'' reporter afterward that
when the lawyer chased out through
the hall to the stairway his pale face
looked like a chalk mark on the side
of a barn, and the legal optics, that
before had glistened like twin stars
on the summit of Mount Diabolo, were
then rolling like the eyes of a duck
In thunderstorm.
That's how George Bull Finch lick
ed" the editor.
marched over to the office of Police
Justice La Mena, pleaded guilty to as
sault and paid fine of So.