The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-05-24
COLONEL INNOCENCE.
This Kentucky COIored Man and Why no
Was Dressed to Kill.

Hooked up and beheId Colonel Inno-
cence of Ken lucky; not the Innocence Of
the old life in any visible part, but an In
nocence Respondent in the finest hnery of
Broadway; an Innocence who might have
been a college student in color. His cut
away suit fitted him to line; his shirt was
gorgeous in stripe and hue; his tie correct
in texture and construction; his gloves,
tan and smooth; his derby in the best
form; his patent feathers long, pointed
and brilliant. The cigar smelled like
good one Innocence stood still while
took him in from head to toe. Then he
cooked his hat on one side, hicked his cigar
and said:
II kindah SWEEP yuh off, didn' I?''
''You are all right, Innocence; you are
all right. I couldn't do that myself, but I
want to tell you that you'd have a hard
time explaining it all to the police"
"Don' con me, boss; don con. Dis is
easy, easy. Dey des happen tub be comm
tub me, das ak Din none Nv de boys tell
you bout it? Oh, had thu bes' thing at
evan happened. wuz down than by thu
hettin ring an I see uh race wiz three
bosses in it, an evahbOdy bettin on two Nv
'em. By an by see uh gemman lOokin at
thu odds, an know he S maxim up is min
whut he gwine bet on. side up an whis-
per sumpin in his year bout Pelham.
give i'm thu good ole strong talk bout me
an he wuz easy. He skinned off uh 20 an
got uh Pelham ticket. While he's standin
than I take uh little piece Nv chalk an
make uh mark on thu tail Nv is coat so
know him Cose eff Pelham win I'm
wantin tuh I'm AT man mighty bad
1T wuz my day tub shine. In Uh mint
I see mother man wanderin round kindah
lax he's lookin faw uh legal advisah, an I
git mex tub i'm. He's got thu Pelham
notion in he head, too, but don lax Pei
ham no mo-, an done TUX uh suddin love
Nv Moss Rose, thu Othah good IN in thu
race. He take uh lot Nv good con talk,
but 1 land i'm an git i'm down % strong
on Rose. Den 1 knows its gwine tub be
chicken faw me an puts ma little mark
on he coattail, two little marks, an at
means eff Moss Rose beat Pelham l IN look
in faw thu second man. 1 got ma game
all laid out, so I go down faW uh glass Nv
beer, an sooth ma heart.
"I'm standin out on thu lawn smilin tn
maself w en- uh good thing come long an
fell ovah me. des couldn't git outen is
way 1 hadn't said word bout thu ole
sixty -tuh-one shot in thu race, an didn'
wan tub but thu good thing forced me.
He come smiIin up tub me an say, Boy,
is yuh one Nv these jockeys?' Yuh oughter
see me dodge. 1t WIS tub easy. COse I
tole him I Sc one Nv thu bes' at evan come
ovah, an den I give i'm thu ole long shot
an let i'm go. I sOt i'm down sOf' wiz uh
ten on at sixty tub one. Des cause 1 got
nothin else tub do I put ma mark on i'm,
three little chalk spots on he coat. Aim
no telIin bout bosses, yuh know, an I
might be lookin faw i'm an not know i'm
agin.
Il goes down tub thu stable boys bar
an glOriGeS Inaself wiz mother schooner
an den takes ma seat in thu gPanstan.
AT race ain got no charms faw me tall.
bettin on Moss Rose, mother man pikin
on uh long shot. Innocence settin in thu
gran stan wiz two beers inside an suppah
an brekfus right in sight. How kin yuh
beat it. Use singin uh little sof' tune tub
maself while thu bosses is runnin. Ain
even lookin at 'eln. Whut's thu use. It's
tub easy.
''AlI 'twonct somebody settin close tub
me commence oussin. I look up tub see
whut thu trouble an than come that ole
sixty -tuhone shot gallOpin long by hissef.
He Wuz so faW ahead at thu othah two
bosses didn' know which way he went.
Say: 1 wuz black in thu face. Ain no use
tellin yuh which man Use lookin faw. 1t
tux me Is minits tub see i'm, but saw
i'm good wiz thu three little marks on is
coattaiL He saw me comm an he COM
mence smilin an reachin faw is bank roll.
He pulled out uh wad as big as 20 leg an
say, 'Niggab, yOuse ma friend. Whut'u
we bet on mex time I say, Bettah talk
bout how much we win dis time an my
min will wuk free
He don do nothin but skin three hun
dud off at bank roll an shove it at me,
'Hyah, niggah, we win six hundud. Take
yo' half 1 tole i'm my stable 'didn' staht
no mo- bosses at day, an he bettah wait
uh day r two faw mother chanct. 1
wanted i'm tub last all wintah an come
good an strong in thu spring. So 1 saved
'im.''
Innocence took off his derby with a
graceful swing and bowed q low adieu to
an imaginary good thing and smiled COM
placently. Den 1 got ma min tub wukin
an I say tub maself: Innocence, you Sc too
good. Yuh oloes don fit yuh an yuh ain
polished 'nough faw yO' own bus'ni s. An
1 90 intuh town an give ma little Ordah
tub ma tailor, an now yuh see me wivout
fell glasses. Mex time I goes trav'lin thu
Pullman kyah is waitin faw me-"
"How about the two men who bet on
Pelham and Moss Rose?"
''WelI, dey don' finish. I'm des lettin
'em fawgit ma face" He smiled again
and drew out a roll of bills, looking ut
them sideways, as if he feared he'd get
cross eyed from overwork. Putting his
money back he scratched match on the
sole of his patent leather, adjusted his hat,
shrugged his shoulders, shook out his
trousers and said: II Sc kwine down tub
thu bettin ring an lay few wagahs on uh
boss. Kin 1 put uh little bet down faw
yuh, boss? Oh, an mos fawgit sumpin.
Mex time yuh see me Yuhn know me. "
He handed re printed card. 1t said:
Colonel Innocence of Kentucky. Legal
Advisor. "
Then he grinned and sauntered Off
Charles E. Trevathan in New York Jour
nal