New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-07-07
Tales of Hur11or.

Tales of HuI1lOr.
Harper's Bazaar quotes clever bit Of
dialogue between two young fathers Of
Brooklyn. They met on the sidewalk
as they were wheeling their babies on
pleasant Sunday morning. '.The papers
are making great ado about horseless
carriages" said one man. .Yes,'' ans,
wered the other. "Just as if they were
anything new"
A new summary of our exports is that
set forth in Harper's Weekly. It says
that number Of men were recently dis
cussing the affairs of the present admin
istration. One of them advanced the
proposition that the Mckinley regime
had not yet brought any marked advance
in the country's prosperity.
ION, don't know about that?' said
another, quickly. eve are already send
ing 'hay' to England and porter to
France" e.:
Yet nothing was said about the. bene-
ficent influence OF sending an angel to
Turkey.
The Chicago Times-H Herald prints a
story about a peculiar old justice of the
peace who at one time held sway IN
district IN Indiana. On one occasion,
after all the evidence was in and the
plaintiffs attorney had made an elabor-
ate argument, the defendants attorney
arose to begin his plea.
"Hold on there" exclaimed the court.
81 don't believe I can let you proceed. I
have very clear idea now of the guilt
of the prisoner at the bar and anything
from you at this time would have ten
dency to confuse the court. I know the
man is guilty now, and don't want to
take any chances"
An Irish leader had been invited to
attend an English meeting. He did not
fancy accepting the honor, but for polit-.
ical reasons he felt he could not refuse,
says the Chicago Journal.
He resolved, however, to take fling
at the Britishers: 1870.
The opportunity soon presented itself.
He was very inappropriately asked to re-.
spond to the subject: ''The British Flag,
Upon Which the Sun Never Sets.''
| "The Irishman, much to the surprise
of all, paid a glowing tribute to the
English. He eulogized tie brave fellows
who had carried the flag to the four
quarters of the earth.
AS a colorizel, he placed old England
high above all nations. Concluding his
eloquent response, he exclaimed, with
emphasis:
"Yea, penetrate into the very heart Of
dark Africa, where no white man has
ever trod. and there you will see the
Englishman
And the champions OF roast beef never
saw the point
When Charles Kean was playing the
part Of Richard, his fearful grimaces
in character paralyzed all the other act
ors with fright, much to his amusement.
l. i : ~ ~ Y n
On one occasion a new man had to
take the part Of the sentinel who aWoke
Richard When asked. 'sWho is there?''
he had to say, ''Tis I, my lord; the VII
lage cock hath twice proclaimed the
hour of morn. .
i But as Kean was making such fearful
grimaces and scowling at him, the poor
fellow forgot his part and could only
stammer, :. 'Tis l, my lord, tits I, my
lord; the village cock! IT'S I, my lord,
the the village cock =
By this time there was a decided tit
. ter all over the house, and Kean then
sad: Then why the mischief don't you
crow r which, needless to say, brought
down the house, Ed limbaugh Scotsman.
s An old lawyer in Paris had instructed
! his client to weep every time he struck
{ the desk with his hand, but forgot and
!. str uck the desk at the wrong mo-
] men.. She promptly fell to sobbing and
! crying
hat is che matter with you g asked
4, the Judge.
Well, he told me to cry g often as
4 he struck the table. &
entlemen Of the jury = cried the I'M
abashed lawyer, sslet me ask you how
you can reconcile the idea Of crime Is
|conjunction with such candor and sin a
plieity g