davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

'it is about as large as England, Ire.
land, Scotland, Wales, Holland, Bel
gium, Denmark, Switzerland, Portugal
and Greece combined" 1t became at
once evident that the ouestioncr not
I UlIly disbelieved the statement, but was
indignant at what he regarded an at
| tempt to chaff him. Indeed, after din
ner he complained to the host about
1.-The ill-breeding of the American in
trying to hold up to ridicule an English
gentleman"
Senator Lodge, who just came into
the cloak room, and had not heard the
stories of Europe, told a good story
about Ben Butler. At one time Ben
Eutler, then living in Lowell, was chair
man of a meeting held in the town hall.
Rufus Choate, great orator and jurist,
was booked for an address. The hall
was filled-packed in fact-with many
thousand people. Mr.. Choate was
about to begin his address when a ma n
c-awled up to Butler and whispered to
him that the joists in the floor and the
supporting beams were giving way Ee-
cause of the heavy pressure on the floor
and they were likely to collapse at any
moment and loss of life ensue. Butler
turned to the man and whispered to
him: Keep quiet" Then turning to
tne auOlence ne SalQ: LADIES ana gen.
tlemen: We are assembled here to hear
the matchless oratory of the great
Rufus Choate. A man has brought me
information that outside of this hall
there are not less than 10000 people
who are clamoring for admission.
New, 1 don't think it will be fair for us
to monoPolize the utterances of Mr..
Choate, and therefore 1 propose to ad-
journ this meeting to the common,
where all can hear him. Now, follow
my advice and we can get out quickly
and easily without any difficulty. You
men down in the back rows next the
doors. arise. leave your seats and leave
the hail. As soon as you have gone the
and SO on until we leave the hall. Now
start along there. and just see how
quickly we can empty this hail." Mean
while Choate was tugging at Buffers
coat tails and saying: Ben, don'tI
Stop. Ben. Why, bless me, man, L can't
speak without my manuscript; / can't
see to read on the common; my voice
won't carry in the open air; 1 can't
make them hear" and so on. After SO
much of the audience had left that Eut-
ler was satisfied that the strain on the
timbers supporting the floor had been
relieved, he turned to Choate and said:
Say. Choate. would you rather deliver
this speech here on the common or in
help" SMITH D. FRY
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

EIGHTEENTH YEAR.

James 1. King, of Buffalo, who visited
the Bohemian spa for treatment, and
the local press by a natural blunder
reported him as James l., King Of Buff
faIo, America. The blunder seemed hu-
morous enough at first, but presently
serious symptoms were exhibited. The
parvenus, the sycophants, the tuft
hunters, the snobs, the parasites and
the beggars swooped down on poor
King; the hotel people feeced him, and
there seemed to be a general con-
spiracy to mulct him. In vain he
sought to convince his prosecutors that
it was hideous mistake-that he was
no royal parsonage. He actually had
to leave town, and wherever he went
afterwards he registered as Thomas
Thompson, of Boston Only by living
under an alias could he afford to do
Europe.
"Your story about Ingersoll," said
Senator Perkins, of California, ''re-
minds me of an American gentleman
who was recently at a dinner party
in London, and had a rather curious
experience There was also present an
extremely aristocratic but insular
Briton. with that large contempt for
things American that even to-day a
few Englishmen display. Nevertheless
he deigned to notice the American gem
tleman SO far as to ask him a great
number of questions about the United
States, some of them very ludicrous.
Finally the question of geography came
up, and the Englishman inquired as to
the relative size of Texas, the largest
state. WELL" replied the American,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
SENATORS SPIN YARNS.
How Jones, Of Nevada, Got Even
with Senator Brice.
Amusing Experience of Buffalo Man
In Bohemia How Ben Butler
Once Upon a Time Averted
Catastrophe.
Especial Washington Letter.l

Especial Washington Letter.1
It was dull day in the senate, and
the statesmen were in a storytelling
mood in the cloak rooms. Senator
Jones, of Nevada, the silver champion.
is one of the best and wittiest story
tellers in congress, and Senator Brice,
of Ohio, is like unto him. When they
get together the play of witticism and
repartee is as glittering and brilliant
as the play of forked lightning. They
are constantly chatting each other.
Senator Brice told perfect string of
stories on Senator Jones this after
noon, holding him up to ridicule, and
keeping up such rapid fire of con-
versation that Jones couldn't get in
a word edgeways. Finally, when Brice
was taking a drink of water, Senator
Jones said:
81 want chance to tell what heard
about Brice in Paris. L was coming
home from the Brussels monetary con-
ference. Senator Allison and Senator
Morgan preceded me through Paris.
and 1 was all alone in my hotel. Some
how it got abroad through the hotel tha
L was United States senator, and then
L. was trouble for me. You see
~, had stopped at the same hotel the
4hous summer. I did not know
lar Consequently was surprised one
nS Wnen 4 cnah DermalQ asked me
Il pocketbook. When 1 showed it
Sta,she bowed, smiled, thanked me,
vest the room, carrying with her
sbarketbook which contained about
be-,ne of the bell boys took my
hon pf of the bureau, put it into his
forc,cket, bowed to me, and went
ing The waiter in the cafe brought
xvo,rill for dinner, which was four
Hayhe amount charged on the bill
gers That ali happened in one day.
of tor the chief clerk and asked him
Aind of robbery he kept. 1 told
Pr, give me my bill, recover my
an and watch, and would go away.
-ofplied:
n,air, eet moost be all Won grand
T-take. Zey fought monsieur is
in-nat-or from Amerik. Las
jler greet SENATOR Breezy vos
=. He vos mooch reetch. All ze
-rvants say ze gre't Sen-nat-or Jones,
is also reetch, an zey take what zey
5ant, for re greet SENATOR Breezy, he
ssevair care for re moony, he haf moony
= boorn.'
II informed him." continued Jones,
hat L was indeed a member of the
'nited States senate, but that all mem
oers of that body were not natural born
fools, nor all of them possessed of
money to 'boorn.' I told him that for
tunately there was but one Senator
-Brice. and that he gave away money to
make himself popular in spite of his
ihomeliness."
So, you see, that the statesmen are
thus given to chatting each other at
times, just as the boys chaff each other
:at school. AS has been said before:
Men are only boys grown tall. Hearts
don't change much, after ALL"
speaking of Europe" said Senator
sCullom, of Illinois, reminds me of a
story Bob Ingersoll used to tell just
after the close of the civil war. Col.
Bob went to Europe for a summer trip
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

the eastern spurs of the CordiIieras.
In the central parts are hills, but they
are isolated risings and OF curious for
nation. such as Mount Roraima, rising
mountain-wise to a certain height ana
then shooting up in precipitous sand
stone faces for hundreds of feet, the
tops being apparently well wooded and
watered table lands-but to get there
the explorer must await Prof. Langley's
air ship. Mount Roraima itself, the most
pronounced and gigantic of these singu-
lar formations, 1880 feet high, rises
from the surrounding plains like an
island from the ocean. crowned by q
castle constructed to accommodate
some superhuman Brobdingnagian gar
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
A TIMEHRI ROCK.

an earlier day, as the accompanying
illustration shows. Concerning their
origin, it is unlikely that they are de-
scended from any tribes that shared,
even remotely, in the incarial civiliza-
ton, because they have no relics or ''r,.-
mains" to show for it. Their progen-
itors were probably to the world of
Athahualpa what the Soudanese. ETC.,
were to the Egyptians of the Ptolmies.
Some remains" they, however, have;
and these are interesting and in some
senses unique. They are the grea.
''Timehri' stones that lie scattered
about the country. and which the In
dians revere with superstition
amounting to a religion. But at dis
tance nothing can induce them to go
near. These rocks vary in size. are all
large. They are mostly found near
running water, but sometimes occur in
the savannahs and cause one to won
der how on earth they originally got
there. They are crudely but curiously
engraved with systematic designs that
evidently once possessed a meaning. the
key to which has been lost by the de-
scendants of the engravers- All that
the present Indians know about them
is that they are "Timehri." their coun-
try being the land of Timehri- Whence
came these mighty monoliths. when. by
whom and wherefore so engraved, is an
historical mystery beyond solution.
Up to the present time these In
dians have no metals, except in the
manufactured form. as obtained from
the English settlers and tourists and
the Brazilian traders. But they are cum
ming handicraftsmen in stone, wood,
bone and feathers,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

rison. The lower mountain is ragged,
precipitous and rocky, but fairly wood
ed, especially on the steep slopes Of
the top; but the castle-Iike continue
ton is of bare red sandstone. The OBJ
ject presents one of the most imposing,
spectacles in the world when viewed
across the savannah from the edge of
the forest belt, the morning sunlight
sIanting on it with the dense blue of tho
tropical sky for a back ground, which
is enhanced rather than marred by the
cloud banks that usually hang above tho
summit.
The peculiarities of the fuvial system
complement those of the mountains.
The countless tributaries of the great
feeders of the Orinoco and Amazon, in
teriace and overlap in bewildering con-
fusion. Moreover, probably as n result
of the depressions above mentioned.
they frequently bifurcate and flow one
into another in natural canals called by
the Indians 'itaboos." The result is
that canoes can navigate the face of the
country in all directions: and a water
journey from the Orinoco to the Anna
zon is not only possible, but is continual
ly being made by the Indians and Bra
lillian traders.
The fauna of this region is also pc
culiar and interesting, as may be seen
by consulting any work on South Amer
lean natural history. But there are
still many species that the naturalis,s
have not come across, especially among
the lizards, moths and beetles. And
there, too, is to be found that vampire"
the blood-sucker of tradition, which
naturalists still discredit, but which
have myself encountered and witnessed
the fatal results of his work. And the
same thing, to much greater extent,
may be said of the flora. To compre-
bend the significance of this, the intelli-
gent traveler-who of course goes
armed with some knowledge of our
pharma copeia, even if he is not specially
conversant with it, need only compare
his experience of civilized medical prac-
tice with that of the Indian ''peiman."
The most pernicious fevers are moth
wounds as by a magical touch; and
even the lance of the deadly serpent is
neutralized by him-if he operates in
time. More than this, he can inoculate
against the effects of snake bite. And
he does it all with vegetable prepara-
tions.
The country is very thinly peopled.
but the aborigines are most interest,"
ing-what there is of them. They are,
of course, Indians, and of a low type;
but one sometimes meets individuals
that tell the tale of Spanish admixture
in their physique, face and hair. And
some of these are truly startling "rever-
sions" to the type of the alien graft Of
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
THE LAND OF TIMEHRL.
Notes Of the Terra Incognita Be-
yond the Schomburgk Line.
Physical and Ethnological Conditions of
the Wild Regions Over the Claims to
Which England and America
Nearly Went to War.
Especial Kingston tJamaica) Let.erl

Especial Kingston (Jamaica) Letter.1
The beyond Mount Caucasus" of the
Arabian Nights" indicates phase of
national life through which every coun-
try has passed in it's journey toward
Development and civilization. Rome at
the height of her power found her nys-
tic border-land at the Mountains of the
Moon. and in our own couDtry-coming
down to modern times-we lad in col
onial days the Alleghanies, beyond
which was wild no-man's-land. Later
on we went forward to the Rockies,
scaled them and made the mighty conti-
nent our own. To-day we have no terra
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

and while riding in an English COM
partment car he was tackled by n
51ompous Britisher who affected to know
all about America. He was abusive of
the people of the north, and expressed
his deep regret for the defeat of the
-confederacy. Ingersoll quietly and
unpretentiously prodded him with
.epigrams- The Englishman denounced
the freedom of the slaves, but Inger-
soil defended the emancipation proclaim
alton in his incisive way, until the
Others in the compartment were roar
ing with laughter. The angry Briton
finally resorted to the old argument,
lying: II suppose you would let your
laughter marry a nigger, wouldn't
#ou?'
Ingersoll replied: NO Nor an Eng
#shman either. if L could help it."
Senator Sherman told of Col. Mark
#reif, of Cincinnati, who was obliged
o remove his Loyal Legion button
while he was in Europe, because it
vas taken as an insignia of royal favor,
aud wherever he went he was charged
ioubie and triple prices for whatever
ne bought. from pin 10 dinner.
g This reminded Senator Davis of a
story by Eugene Field concerning one
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

incognita. And what we have done in
North America our English cousins, on
an infinitely smaller scale, are now
doing in that comparatively small, but
really immense tract of territory that
lies between the Orinoco river and the
Paccaraima mountains, the Atlantic
ocean and the Caroni river-and back
ward thence to the snow-capped Cordil-
leras.
This is the territory about which
Great b ain and the little republic of
Venezu Al have been contending for
half coury, and which only the
other da'seflearly caused war between
England tend America. Into that dis
pute westrhall not here inquire; that
concerns politics, and my purpose is
- tell resssiers at home something of the
wonders, physical and chronological, of
that almost unknown land.
Up to about a dozen years ago it was
altogether unknown except to a few
wandering naturalists and orchid hunt
ers. But one day it was discovered that
the gold fields of Venezuela were really
but the outer fringe of a vast belt of
gold-bearing territory; in fact. that
region of primeval forests, roaring
cataracts, morasses and lethal reptiles
was the lost "Eldorado" of the early
Spanish explorers. Then the attention
of the world centered on it, and both
England and Venezuela laid claim to
it, Thousands of gold seekers rushed
into it. A few found fortunes and hun
dreds found death, and the final explo-
ration and development of the region
awaits the settlement of the dispute,
which he United States government
has t. ~ IL hand. on tn.
1t n ast be understood that SUI polit-
ical dispute is over only al SEQ, ,Oportion
of the territory, the ultisE units of
which have been above I'M ID, for, of
course, i am concerned with the
country as whole. Al: mated, it
is covered with great fore at are in
tersected with broken ms, but
there are also immen - avannahs.
Some of these are elevaa - out others
are depressed and are be- in the dry
season and form lakes wet sea-
son. Considerable noun, chains oc-
cur, but these are most ,ward the
borders, south on Brazil : 1 | west to
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

"I would die for you'll" he said.
But she refused all of his entreaties.
He was too old and gray.
week later, however, she learned
that his hair was no longer white; it
was a chestnut brown.
Then she became convinced that he
had dyed for her-N. Y. Herald
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

Mrs. Twickenham Ito Mrs. Sli1nsonl
OF late we have had our meals sent
in by various caterers.
Willie Slimson Ito his mother)-
Mamma, is that what you meant when
you said that Mrs. Twickenham didn':
know where the next meal was coming
from ?-Brooklyn Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
NUMBER A.
Moro Than He Expected.

Moro Than He Expected.
An old man was breaking stones ono
day on a country road in Wales, when
a gentleman came riding along.
Bother these stonesi Take them out
of my way" he said.
where can I take them to, your
honor?"
II don't care where; take them to
hades, if you like"
Don't you think, your honor" said
the old man, that I'd better take 'em to-
Heaven? They'll be less in your honor's
way there e?"-Spare Moments.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

what did the lawyer say to you.
Bridget?'
He aXed me did 1 know there was
brass enough in me face to make gootl-
sized kittle; and tould him shure thin
there was sauce enough in his tongue
to fill it, the ould haythen."-Bay City
Chat.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
Instanc,nx an Exception.

AT any rate, it pays to be polite and
accommodating"
Not always. In leaving train the
other morning I saw a lady of my ac-
quaintance had left an umbrella in her
seat. In my haste to pick it Up and run
after her to restore it I left my gold
headed cane behind. and I'm out S6.T5
on the transaction Tribune
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
The Voice of Envy.

Mrs. Bricktop (bursting with pride)
How do you like my new carpet. Mrs.
Crosseye?
Mrs. Crosseye (bursting with envy)
-It's-er@very nice, indeed, Mrs.
Bricktop. for-for Brussels By the
way. nearly forgot what I came for.
wish you would lend me your lawn
mower a few moments.
Lawn mower? Why, certainly.
But what on earth can you want with
\ lawn mower at this time of the year ?''
Il desire to thin down our velvet-pile
.nrpet in the nursery little; the chill
7ren are always losing their marbles iu
tt."-Tit-Bits.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

what do you think of my daughters
execution, professor?" asked the fond
mamma, as her fair daughter pounded
on the piano keys.
Think, madam!" was the reply:
'why, that 1 should like to be present
al it."-N. Y. Tribune.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
A Slander.

Boggs-If women were allowed to
vote, the inspectors would never get
through.
Foggs-Why not?
Boggs-An hour after one had cast
her ballot she would sneak back and
want to change it.--N. Y. Journal.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
just Before the Engagement.

May-There is one good thing about
you, Frank; when you take me to the
theater you never go out between the
acts.
Frank-I don't need to; your beauty
is SO Intoxicating that it answers all
purposes!-Bay City Chat.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

My mother was an elegant cook
There was only one person she couldn't
please"
"Who was that?"
MY father. He remembered his
mothers cooking."-Bay City Chat
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

'"Your kiss. bold sir" the maiden cried.
Did of assurance truly smack"
''If you are vexed," the youth replied.
IT shall be pleased to take 1t back
-UD-to-Date
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

"Dah's er big dif'unce," said Uncle
Eben, 'in dc righteousness o tellin' de-
troof ez er matter o. conscience an
teIlin' it case hits gwinter hut some
body's 's.''-Washingtop Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
Choily's Contribution.

''Aw, Miss Feighr," asked Chawles
Aigernawn Chapp. dye know why it
is think you are like a mirror?"
''Give it up"
"Well. y'see, you're a-aw-a good
looking zlass."-Cincinnati Commercial
cial Tribune.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

Julia, you know how George used to
love to stuff my sleeves in before we
were married ?''
Yes
"WeIl-now he says: Great guns
can't you get some kind of cloak that
you can get into by yourself lf"-Chicagu
Record.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

He Drew the Line.
'T love your she sighed:
I'll ne'er love another"
when wilt be my bride?''
'When you can provide
For SIX" she replied,
Including dear motheri~
ct love youI" cried;
III be your-big brother!"
N V Journal
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
In the Near Future.

Mrs Jones-I can let you have pair
Of old shoes.
The Tramp-Tanks, lady. an mebbc
yer have an old wheel wot yer don't
want. Yer kin see me machine In all
wore out.-Chicago Tribune.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
Why She Went.

The operas one of her joys.
On everyday shows she frownA
For music to her is just the noise,
But. ah! she's a critic of gowns.
Pittsburgh Newa-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
a Capital Operation.

And what do you regard as the great
est triumph of modern surgery?"
collecting the bills" promptly re
sponded the great practitioner.-Chi-
cago journal.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
In the Boarding House.

"Your coffee never seems to lose its
strength said MIR. Starr.
"Do you know why that lisp" asked
Mrs. Weirdhash, beamingly.
because, I suppose, it has never
been strained"-N. Y. Journal.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

UPcreek-Why does that old duffer oc-
cupy two seats. while we have to stand2
Conductor-He says he is sick
Upcreek-Yes, he is; I'll bet it's
trichinosis. too.-Bay City Chat.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

Here's a place just fit for woman.
Quite regardless of her rank:
Since she cannot keep a secret.
Make her teller in a bank.
m Y. World.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
T. p. PORTER
The sru.icai woman.s Husband.

Twas for her voice i loved her first
In those far-on. dear. happy years:
Now oft wish. with head half burst.
That could button up my ears
Bay City Chat
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

cit must disgrace me before all tho
neighbors that you came home drunk-" I"
'.But. my dear, who saw me?"
mo one; but they all heard me scold-
ing you.".Fliegende Blaetter.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

she-Yuss. William!

He-AmeIyer!
She-Yuss, William!
He-Before I loved you, Amelyer. 1
had monkey.
She-Did yer. William? And 'aven't
yer got it now?
He (tenderly)-No; I've got oo-oo-
nov ducky; oo-oo!-Pick-Me-Up
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

The Australian dog and the EgyP
dan shepherd dog never bark.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02
Her Equipment.

what have you in that pill box2"
asked the manager of the new burIesque
actress.
"A few quinine capsules and my
wardrobe"-Detroit Free Press.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

Arthur would marry that girl but
for one thing.
Chester-Afraid to pop the question:
Arthur-No. Afraid to question tho
pop.-Brooklyn Life
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

Fer boy hab sech contrariuess,
Hits cla' beyond control:
He wants de bigxes' dumbbeu an
De smaIles' hod O. coal
Wa Waahingfnra Star
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

"A pretty thing in gloves" she said.
II wish to get a perfect glove"
1.-The prettiest things in Gloves" said he.
Are those white hands of yours. my
love-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1897-01-02

Mr.. Bullfddle- -Goodnesh gracious.
dash is the mosh difficultish piech of
mooshic dash 1 have ever tackled.-N.
Y. Journal