The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1897-06-18

move her into that higher circle in
which she was so we'll qualified to
shine. And said, laughingly:
= There's the vicar. He's splendtdly
connected. Why shouldn't she make
a match of it with the vicar|
"It was simply little joke of mine.
But my wife Ito whom this was evil
IDENTIFY new idea) took it quite serious
ly.
ITO be sure,' she cried, clapping her
hands. There's the vicar. 1 wonder
have never thought of him. OF course,
he's the very man.
81 laughed aloud at the eager serious
ness with which she said it.
my DEAR 1 told her, I was only
joking. You don't suppose that the
you?
"tAnd why notT demanded my wife,
bridling. 'Margaretta is good enough
for any man.
perhaps so,' observed. Far be it
from me to depreciate Margaretta. But
you see, my dear, the vicar is not
marrying man. In fact, for all his flrt-
ing propensities, he is as confirmed
bachelor as l have ever come across.
"1t is a crying scandal that such
a man should be bachelor exclaimed
my wife, in an indignant tone. call
it outrageous
Especially with girls like Margaret
ia about suggested, slyly.
But my wife was IN no mood for
jesting over this affair.
81 wish you wouldn't make jokes
out of everything she retorted, quite
GROSSLY. It is scandalous that the vicar
should remain a bachelor. 1t ought
not to be allowed. Everybody admits
that it is the bounden duty of bene-
feed clergyman to marry. LOOK what
an invaluable help wife is In a par
ish! You can't deny that, can you?
Certainly not, my dear. 1t is quite
indisputable.' l assented, for it was
after dinner. 1 was spelling for my
nap, and it was my hope that If al
lowed my wife to silence me In argu-
ment she would let the discussion drop.
Wherein. to my great thankfulness, |
was not deceived.
But although no more was said on
the subject just then, this idea which
l had so lightly mooted and which my
wife had jumped at with such eager
ness was not allowed by that persever-
ing angel to rest. The keenness with
which she threw herself into her new
scheme, the energy with which she set
herself to execute it, excited my su-
preme wonder and amusement. No lit
tie dodge whereby the vicar and Mar
garetta might be brought together was
too barefaced for her; no little pretext
was too f1imsy She inveigled the rev.
erend gentleman into little dinners,
luncheons, teas, picnics, at which it
was invariably managed that he should
be brought into close proximity with
Margaretta. She made them partners
at tennis and croquet, at whist and
| four-handed chess The vicar evident
| ly enjoyed all this-as a pastime-for
Margaretta was very pretty. But while
| he fiirted with her, decorously and as
| a clergyman should, and even some
| times went rather farther than cler-
| gyman should, he never went, nor lad
| any idea Of going, to the length which
| Margaretta pined for.
''You, my dear fellow, are a married
man, and you know the ways of wom-
en-. You will, therefore, feel no sur
| prise to hear that neither Miss Barker
| nor my wife thought for minute of
| being content with these impractical
| fiirtations. Nor will it cause you the
| smallest sensation of wonder to be in
j formed that the entire blame for the
| wears declining to toe the scratch was
| shunted on to me. IF had been half a
man. ETC., IF l had cared a fraction of
a straw for my wife's peace of mind,
etc., If had been at all like some 9TH
er husbands she knew etc. However,
you, being married, have all this, of
course, at your fingers ends, SO will
not go into that part of it. Nor will I
dwell upon the piteous accounts given
me by my wife of poor Margaretta's 8
breaking heart, and of how she was
pining and wasting away, and qualify
ing for early quarters in the local Gem
etery.' That is an old story which l
will take leave to skip, and will resume
my narrative after an interval of two
or three months.
"One morning 1 was sent for in my
| plOlCcSiOhdl Ndll<tSley " Nloib oul NlSt1i.
The complaint from which ! found him
suffering was of quite trifing nature,
being nothing more serious than an at.
| tack of lumbago, and not very severe
| attack at that, for he was perfectly
free from pain, in most postures, and
was only very violently gripped by the
malady when attempting to rise after
STOPPING or kneeling. Still, Of course,
this was sufficiently inconvenient to a
clergyman, as it precluded his taking
part in the church services, and he was
particularly anxious to be well again
by the following Sunday.
"Now, there's no doubt about It. lunl-
bago does give rise to some very ridic-
ulous situations. In fact, the patients
movements when trying. If you under.
stand me, to sidle round that particu-
lar posture, in which he knows that he
will be gripped, and to gain the desired
perpendicular. by dodging, so to speak
the muscles of his own back, are often
extremely grotesque. Take it, also
that the patient is one who prides him
self ON the dignity Of his department :
as our vicar did-and this grotesque.
LESS Is dppfecLdUly euuhhSeu. AAOeeu
what could be a funnier sight to see
than dignity struggling with lumbago:
1, myself, though hardened by profes.
sional experience, have often derived
the hugest amusement from it. And
certainly did so in this case.
"Our excellent vicar was extremely
sorry for himself. He gave me 9
pranhic account of the torturfnr aoon
les which he had endured, in trying te
rise from kneeling posture in church
where he had been suddenly seized