Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-05-14
THE LlMEKILN CLUB.
BROTHER GARDNER DISCOVERS THAT
GOODNESS DOES NOT PAY.


Club--The Happy Medium to Strike.
"My frens," said Brother Gardner as he
motioned to Samuel Shin to raise an alley
window and lock the doors, sit is wild
mingled feeHn S Of pleasure and sorrow dat
l announce to you de death OF de Hon.
Comeback Thompson, who has bin mem
Der of dis Limekiln club fur de past ten
Vars. | feel to rejoice dat he am through
wild life's trubbles an has gwine to better
land, an sorrow dat he didn't hey bet
ter time doorin his sojourn OH airth.
"Brudder Thompson was good man in
all dat de term implies an dat's de reason
he was glad to go when death called him.
An experience of 60 Vars had proved to
him dat goodness didn't pay per cent on
de capital invested. l knowed him fur
ober 30 Y ars, an knowed all his pecooliar-
tiles. Doorin his lifetime he lent to his
frens an nayburs AGO, 2S7 umbrellas, an he
nebber got but two of 'em back, an dat
was by accident. Fur 20 Vars he libbed
next doah to woodward an nebber stole
splinter, an yit de woodward man wouldn't
chen send bunch of roses to his funeral.
He fggered up dat in fo'ty Vars he lost
yit no man was ginerous huff to leave de
rinds behind to feed de pig He nebber
lent his wheelbarrer dat it didn't git broke,
an he nebber lent his orowbar dat he didn't
hev a lawsuit to git it back.
"If he lent So, de pusson who borrowed
it allus run away or got struck by light
min. If he borrowed a dollar de lender
allus jumped ON him wild boat feet to git 1t
back. If Brudder Thompson ever got
ready to go to circus or picnic, some
naybur got kicked by mewl or run ober
by street kyar, an de ole man would sac
rifice his pleasure to act as nurse and con-
soler Oar was hole in de sidewalk In
front of his house, an fur 20 Vars he hung
lantern on his gate to warn pedestrians
agin de peril. Not only was he laughed
at fur his pains, but de lantern was stolen
SO often dat de ole man had to 60 widout
Eaters and sugar to buy new ones. People
who stole de cowcumbers from his leetle
garden an got q case of de collie had de
cheek to send to his house fur remedies,
an mo- dan Is different fam lies used his
washbo'd, his flatirons an his fine comb.
AS a good mana man who wanted to do
de squar' thing by his Teller man-Brud-
uer lhollpson was aU ue head Oh ae pur
ceshun. Nebber in all de Vars / knowed
him did he cease dom good or utter one
complaint about de way de world used
him.
An de odder day he was called home.
One OF de last things he did was to lend a
naybur his washtub an clothes bars, an de
ole man was skassly dead befo' dat naybur
traded de things off fur yaller parrot
which was bin in one eye. Only three Or
TO- pussons wlsisted him doorin his illness,
an one keeridge held all de mourners dat
followed him to his grave. Jest befo' We
LEI dc house fur dc sad journey man ar
rove fur de purpose of borrowin de cook
stove fur week or two, an when he
Earned dat Brudder Thompson was dead
he also wanted to borrow de back doah an
two beds. Takin not only dis case, but
my own experience an dat of others, am
Tree TO say oyo' dis evenin dat goodness
oon pay. 1t am my serus an airnest ad-
vice to yo' not to be too good. Dere amt
any money in it. Dere amt any gratitood
in it. Dere ain any satisfackshun in it.
Beln too good means comm down from
roast beef an sweet 'taters to mighty
thin porrldge an crust coffee. Be good up
to a sartin pint, but nebber go beyond it.
IL q naybur sends yo free ticket to
cakewalk, 70 kin feeiprocate by sending
him pound of dried apples, but stoD
rlght thar, II yo should send him $40
pox 10 de theater, he'd only look upon yo'
as SOFT snap. In de Vars gone by took
Brudder Thompson as an example an tried
20 10 as good as he was. 1t didn't take
me pu! three months to diskiver dat was
gailopln TO dc poorhouse. If l borrowed
dollar OF friend, he turned around an
axed tur loan OF i've If told a man
pelleved In his honor, he got my money an
got his word Ii accepted a pumpkin
pie from naybur, soon found dat he
wanted TO borrow my mewl fur week to
maze even. l mad to quit bein too good
or M on roots.
Doh't be GOO good an don't be too bad.
oars happy medium which yo' kin
strlke II yo' hgger leetle. went to
WORK to ngger, an think I've got it.
"lf 20, want to trade nevis wild man,
allus NIX 1t so dat he'll cum to yo' fust.
IN DAT case ne won't be half so apt to look
fur spavins on yo'r mewl.
= nebber beat church out O. my pew
rent, put nve pennies will make mo- clat-
ter on de contribushun plate dan $40 bill.
II 20 hev ole hoe an yo'r naybur has
a new shovel, allus be de fust to offer to
lend.
Do higher rates Of interest yo' charge a
man who wants to borrow money de
quicker 70 kin discourage him from doin
bizness outside de banks.
= yo' want to buy of a man, wait till
ne am aard up an am obleeged to sell. If
70 am hard up an want to sell, doan let
anybody know it.
Be seen at church cherry Sunday as q
rule, but If dar am any money to be picked |
up around circus or a boss race don't let |
muffin keep yo' away.
u don't advise yo' to bet or play poker,
but III yO' win XOh IN n rroci r7archy1 ,1oov~