The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1897-12-14
FLASHES OF FUN.

nave you! lieDnN pecR-hy WIG cl-
DOw.-Puck.
Our landlady had to lower the din
ing tables three inches why did she
10 thatF' Nearly all the boarders are
scorchers. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Gentle hint: Danscuse-B Baron. il l
were 10 receive "A bracelet anonymous
~ tomorrow morning. | should be sure
that it came from you.-Fllegende
Blaetter.
The golfers scorn: First golfer-Did
you hear about Viewer? He's learning
to play lawn tennis Second golfcr-He
must be paying an election bet.-6rook-
lyn Life.
The butler-Hnnd hevery night ut
the hour of midnight the ghost hap
pears and groans and wrlngs It's hands.
American tourist-Ah. Must have died
In the cucumber season.-Cinciuuat
Enquirer.
Old lady-This must be very
healthy place. Now. what may the
death rate be? Grnvedigger-Wo Wonder
full steady, mum-wonderful steady.
Just one death to each person right
along.-Skctch.
II must have been 4 fool when |
married. said little Tompkyns. glar.
Ing tlerccly at his wife. Certainly, my
dear" snid Mrs. Tompkyns, swectly;
1T couldn't come on SO badly all in two
years, could it?"-Tit-B Bits
Poor Robinson, There goes his fun.
cral." What, Is Robinson deadT' II
imagine he is. Perhaps he is just rid
Ing around town in that hearse for the
fun OF the thing. however, Cincin-
natl Commercial Tribune.
Miss Grabbs declares her girl
friends can't deny that her attachment
TO that gentleman with n title was Il
case of love ut first sight" That's
very true replied Miss Cayenne; she
saw him first. "-Washington Star.
Customer You remember you sold
me this coat yesterday You said you
would return the money II 1t wasn't
satisfactory. Clothing mcrchant--B But,
my dear sir, IL vos quite satisfactory; /
ncfcr had peter money as dot in all my
life.-Puck
Doctor-If you must know, ma'am,
your husband won't live twenty four
hours longer. Goodness gracious"
economical woman, land here you've
gone and prescribed medicine enough
for five days. It'll Bits.
Fairly fresh: May from the hoteD--
SO you're staying at n farmhouse?
Everything fresh, and all that, ! sup
after he got through milking last night
the farmers son came around and pro
posed to mc!-Brooklyn Life.
Amateur theatrical heroine Gudig-
nantly)-You say you don't think the
persons in the back of the audience can
hear us speak our lines? Professional
coachcr- No; but don't let that worry
you They can hear the prompter; so
they won't lose track of the play
Puck.
Charitable old lady Ito little besgar
girD- There's some bread for YOU. 1t is
Il day or two old. but you can tell Jour
mother to take three or four fresh eggs.
Il quart of milk. cup Of sugar, some
good butter and half grated nutmeg,
and she can make a very excellent pud-
ding of it.-TidBits.
AS he finished drinking his soda he
laid his hands upon the fountain in an
unobtrusive way and remarked, Il sup
pose this is chargcd?' Yes" said the
drawer, reaching under the counter for
n pistol; so Is this" "The moneys
yours" said the drinker, throwing
down dime.-Boston Transcript.
Yesterday" said JabsOn, IL refused
poor woman request for small sum
of money, and in consequence of my act
| passed Il sleepless night. The tones
of her voice were ringing In my ears
the whole time" Your softncSs of
heart does you credit" said MADISON;
who was the womnn?" My wife,
It'd i}its
IT was past midnight, and Nj. Ivrc-
mort was fumblng about in tho hall
and mumbling angrily to himself.
What's the matterT" called out Nine.
ivrcmort from the floor above. There's
two hat-racks here" he answered. AN
] don't know which one to hang my
hat on ooh, hang one on each and
come to bcd."-Petit Journal Pour Rire.