The National tribune., 1897-10-28

Pussonal RekoIlekshuns of am Army Cook.
The War Viewed from the Roar.
tell you, our Regimenta Surgeon WIZ
| boss doctor. He didn't Iay undch tub
none OBJ dem, no matter what regiment dey
belonged tub. He could glib a Latin name
ez long ez yore ahm fur no bleed, and vac
cinate you in three languages Ny. how
much dat man knowed, He'd cuss de flip
Majah aud de udder ossifers in Latin and
! Greek sometimes, soze not tuh break de
regulations and it WIZ jest orful. Iwonder
dat it didden't wither dem, and make their
hair fall out.
He wuZ mighty cute, too, wild all his
learnin' AT !ust de boys u play it on him
bad Deyd go up tuh him at sick call and
play off sick and show him DER tongues and
git excused from duty. He'd Glib dem some
powder or pills, which dey'd frow away
jest ez soon Ell dey vuz out OBJ sight done
seed him one day walkin' along cr path
through de brush leadin' tub his tent, whah
de ground wuz white wild de papers dey'd
frowed away. He wuz a-studyin' an /
knOwed dey'd ketch is. De next dey
watched and see dem come up agin. He'd
say:
Don't feel well, Ell? Pains in your
breast and stomach? Couldn'i sleep for dem
last night? Don't feel able tub go on drill
er do any work between meals? Le'me see
your tongue. Yes; jest ez | supposed. At
tack OBJ de shirkibus dead-beatibus malaria.
It's very had in camp now. Steward, give
dis man two ounces of castor-oil, an see dat
he takes it on de spot. He mustn't go min
nit longer widdout treatment. We must
ares de disease ut onct."
De sick-cal fell off in popularity de very
next day after he begun dat.
What / dddent like bout de Surgeon WIZ
dat he wuz alluz tryin experiments. He
fought he could cure ebbsrythng wild
medicine. When de boys wuz kickin bout
wormy bareback an pork he wanted tub glib
'em all doses tnh improve der appetite.
When one OBJ our felers ran away from a
fight he had him brought tub his tent de
next day, an begun film him wild tincture
oh iron, tub brace up his nerve.
I WIZ moseyin' rom Headquarters one
day, while Mistuh 10 WIZ still in the gyard
house on account OBJ dat Chaplain business,
when / oberheared de Surgeon talkin' tub
de Kannel bout Mistuh 10.
One OBJ de very best men in de regi-
ment," de Kunnel, he say, if he'd only let
likker alone. | declar' / don't know what
tub do"
L.'le hab hold OBJ him an try tub cure
him." SEE de Surgeon. :" hab IN idee kin
do it. / believe kin glib him some llkker
| mixed with sumfin tub make him sick, an
it'll turn him agin it SOS he'll nebber want
| aunuder drink Ell long Ell he's in de army"
well, you kin take him an try it," seq
the Kunnel, tired-like, Though / haint no
faith in it. But Tm willn tub try any
thing, fun Pm very fond OBJ dat man, in
spite OBJ his cuttins-up."
Hes bin in gyard- house so long now dat
he must be jest burnin' up fur drink OBJ
whisky. / jest hsared de Majah AKIN de
Autant fur detail to sot up his tent, an
fix it in good shape fur tub receive some
ladies who is comm intuh camp dis AFTER
noon. I'll fix ur bottle OBJ whisky wild
| ipekak an sum udder things an sneak it IN
among de Majah's traps. Den you tell de
Ajutant tub SEN dis man an sum udders
from de gyard-house tub put up de Majah's
| tent He'll drap on tuh dat whisky, shO's
| yo're born-he'd find it, if it wuz fohty feet
UNDERGRADUATE de restll be all right"
Very good, Surgeon" SEE de Kunnel, an
glib de orders tub de Ajutant.
! done lay fur de squad when it come
outen de gyard- house, an L whispered In
Mistuh JOS ear:
Don't yo' dar' tech dat whisky yo' find
in de flip MajaIls tent. It's done loaded for
you"
Mistuh 10 he wink his eye, an he
whispered back:
81 kesch on, but it's powerful hard. l
wants some whisky now wusser'n l do de
Ten Commandments"
Well, jest LEI dat alone. an I'll steal
some for you from de Commissary an hab
/ fob NJ ltpr, -n'r IL
Mistuh 10 done ez tOIe him, an paid no
more 'tenshun tuh de whisky bottle dan if it
had BIN tent peg. When he comes down
tub de mess l had a lineup oh commissary
loh him-jest enuf to set him up, an not
| enuf tub make n fool of him. Den I tole
him what I'd oberheared, and we all sot out
tuh watch de flip Majah. He wuz in his tent,
Shawn and putin Oh his best clozs tuh
meet de ladies. Jest ez he had finished his
eye fell on dc bottle of whisky.
Well, declar" SEE he; g done forgot
had dat bottle. An l wuz jest wan,in'
some de wnst way tuh brighten me up fur
de ladies. Pm little often my feed lately.
SNOWFALL wuz hangin' roun' watchin' sos
tub tell de boys bring me some fresh watch,
in hurry, you brack imp"
| l rgn fur de water, an de flip Majah he
took very stiff horn, an jest at dat minnit
| de ladies rid in, an | held DER bosses while
de flip Majah helped dem Off. Dey wuz F.
| +. VS. who lived two OF three miles from
camp.
| Ladies" SEE he, "permit an ossifer OBJ de
ahmy oh de United States tub welcome yo'
| tub his rude abode. It's not sech place by
any means eZ befitsyour beauty an breedin'-
palace would be more fttin', but while
this rude war lasts it's de best he has. Your
grace an beauty, howsumever, will make it
seem like palace"
so, Majah," Uttered one oh dem, chow
polite and flewery is your langwidge. If de
udder Yankees wuz only like YOU"
Il shall be proud tub interduce you tub
some Of my brother ossifers, who'll be here
presently" SEE he, bowin' very low, can
hope you'll spend very pleasant hour wild
u.s."
Wild dat see him gulp an git pale bout
de gills
Ladies'" SEE he, walk in an take seats.
l feel dat my tent is honored ez it nebber
has bin, by yo' presence"
"Majah Pm afeard yo' re not feelln'
we'll SEE one oh de ladies. "You look very
pale"
Five had great deal on my mind" seq
he, tryin' tub hold on tub hisself; cam
paign plans are very perplexin', and Eve q
great deal of thinkin' tub do fob de jim
eral, who relies on me- whenebber he's in q
tight place"
7