The Somerset reporter. [volume] (Skowhegan, Me.) 1868-1909, 1897-07-08
JOSHED ALL NATIONS.
THE EX-KlNG OF THE FAKlRS TELLS
HOW TO MAKE A LIVING.

Rich After Having Done Only Four Days
Work In Thirty Years-How He Got His
Hickname-Corn saIve For Russians ana
Perfumed Beans For Frenchmen.
Tick Lowndes, the ex. king of the
fakirs, having become rich, left off tray
Ting on his fiftieth birthday, married a
young wife and settled down in Phila-
delphia, because l was born there, y
he says in explanation Of this strange
thing, "and | believe man ought to
give the town he was born in show "
For nearly 20 years Lowndes, cireum-
navigating the globe l. times, beamed
upon the worlds population through
his Moses p Handy whiskers, and, in
his OWL words, "joshed EN- all, white,
black, red, brown and yellow, " into
providing for his luxurious existence
and for his eventual wealth He got his
nickname of Tick from the solid gold
watches he used to sell to countrymen
for the nominal sum of two bits
Maybe you think they won't go, "
he would bawl, holding up one Of his
watches when purchasers Were back
ward "That's where you re way off.
Listen to this one tick. " And he would
initiate the ticking Of watch with his
mouth so that the sound could be easily
heard by those on the outer limits Of
the crowd around his torch illuminated
carriage. Success and seniority gave
him the title king If the fakirs, by
which he was known until his retire
ment
. often hear no account chaps talk
ing about how hard it is TO get along i'll
this world, " said Lowndes when he
was here. "They make me weary. The
world is easy-casy '-snaPpin his
fingers as if the subject was too silly to
talk about when | was a small boy,
playing marbles aud Skinny and peg
top, | looked about me and saw all
hands breaking their necks trying tC
earn liying-strupgling, sweating,
worrying, working like the devil. every
one of EN-.
1t was positively painful for me to
watch EN-, although was only in knee
breeehcs. | made up my mind right
then that l bad heap too big a capaci-
ty for fun to wear myself out working,
and determined to make the world my
oyster. Well, I've been nibbling on the
oyster ever since, and the only work
you could call work that | ever did was
four days Of coal hcayinR down in the
stokeholo Of japanese steamer on
which l was a stowaway. How's tina,
for record-only four days work in
30 years Don't | look it?"
Tick did lock it. He was perambu-
latinR jewelers. shop. Diamonds gilt
tered all over him-not the sort of dia-
monds he used to put into his Pandora
envelopes. 1t was acknowledged that he
looked prosperous all right.
"Now you Il be astonished, but tho
worst jays | ever struck anywhere III
the world are the Russians. | think |
sold about five tons of axle grease corn
salye for ruble an ounce box on one
trip through southern Russia. All the
men in Russia have COrns. They all wear
heavy Cowhide boots - the ordinary
folks, l mean-which suppose accounts
L
those Russian folks fell over each other
TO buy my ordinary axle grease of COM
merce for their corns, and the worst Of
1t was that in the larger towns, where
| staid for three or four days, the yaps
that had bought the stuff on the first
day of my arrival came to me before
left and told me gratefully that the
grease bad entirely cured their corns.
Why, l was regarded as public bene-
factor throughout the whole Russian
empire
Il found tho French pretty easy ones,
too, especially i'll the smaller towns.
The first time | hit France | was sell
ing West Indian perfumed beans. They
were the ordinary American beans that
they don't know how to cook in Bos-
ton, despite all this talk of Boston as
the town of beans. l dyed the beans
blue and soaked 'em over night in CO.
logne, / used a Mexican vaquero's make
up on this trip and sold the beans O
dozen for a franc, with long SPELL
bind about the perfume lasting for 900
years, and so on. 1t was like finding
money, this bean fake in France.
"All of the South Americans, from
Panama to Patagonia, are pretty easy to
gold brick All over South America
sold thousands of gallons of whitening
tonic to make the half breeds white.
made it of nights as went along out of
any old thing that wasn't harmful
dandelion roots, wild cherry bark and
such stuff The governments got after
me finally for it, though, and that's
the reason the half breeds of South
America are still reddish in color
Their governments wouldn't let 'em buy
enough Of my whitening stuff, you see.
1.-The Mexicans'l buy anything.
You may not believe it, but l sold thou
sands of dollars worth of common bar
soap for removing grease spots on one
trip down there, Notwithstanding the
fact that the buds worn by the people
who bought the soap We're as much on
the q string order as the law of the land
would permit. sold 'em safety razors
that cost me "A quarter each wholesale
for SO, which was about as low down
as ever / played it, as any man who
ever used a safety razor will admit.
II would have made million out of
the natives of the Fiji islands if the
jealous white residents down there had
not choked me off. As it was, cleaned
up a good bit of money on the scheme.
traded off blue spectacles with the FL