The Monitor-register., 1897-07-30
A LITTLE FUN.


-SdUonnah Press.
A LITTLE FUN. |
Friend-But if there's no hope Of
saving him, what are you going to per-
form the operation for?
Doctor-$100 Brooklyn Life
B'rtha-What is the height of your
ambition, dear?
Marie (olushinp )-Oh, something
between five and half and six feet -
London Fun.
The Rrscuer-"How did you come to !
fall IMP"
The Rsscued-'I didn't come to fall
in; came TO fish ."-Harper's Weekly.
***
First Wife-"When my husband stays
ont all night l refuse to get him any
break fast"
Second Wife-"When my husband |
stay out all night he never wants any,
Ep
~
Mr.. Crabbed-What is the thermometer
to-day. my dear?
Mrs. Crabbed-A heat measure darling,
the same as it was yesterday Cripple
Greek Guide
Nv
Aunt Mary-I hope you did the agree
able thing when Mr.. Sweetser inflated
your tire
Mabel-Yes, auntie; and the proper
thing is-a kiss for blow, you know
Boston Transcript
x*x
He-When women get TO voting, if
they ever should, they will be found
wearing the party yoke as meeky as the
men.
She-They won't If yokes are not in
style Cincinnati Enquirer.
4**
''Beg pardon, Grimly, did your wife
lose that $50 " ith which she started to the
savings bank, or was she robbed?"
"Partly both. She collided with a
bargain counter. "-Detro1 Free Press
x*4
Mr.. Lamblike-"What's that dreadful
noire?"
Mrs. Lamblike-"It's the baby cutting
up"
"Cutting up?'
eyes; it's lower tooth that's coming !"
- Yonkers State, man.
x*x
The Terrifiad Lstener-"ADd how did
you feel when you swoke and saw a
| burglar in the room?"
The Unterrifel Hero -(senteutiously)-
II felt under my pillow for my revolver. I"
| Truth
| won't you try the chicken soup,
judge?" asked Mrs. Small of her boa rder,
not noticing that he had gone beyond tt g
soup stage in his dinner. II have tried
it, madam" replied the judge. 'Tl 6
chicken has proved an allbi."-Truth
|
x*x
Clara (who owes her a grudge)-"Yes.
there isn't any douBt iu my mind that
George Flower is blindly in love with
you"
Winnie (blushing) Why?" Clara
"He told me yesterday that he didn't
thir k you looked bit over thirty - Ec
x*x
"You men," complained Mrs Wiggins
to her husband, "have no idea how much
women suffer in silence" Under the
conditions you have named" responded
Wiggius, II am constrained to believe
that you suffer but very little "-OAit
State Journal
~
Violet-'How did DR.. Bighed come tc
accept the doctrine of reipoarnatioDP"
Rose-"Well, you know, he always
had an impression that the world couldn't
get along without him, and if that is SC,
1t stands to reason that he will have to
come back Truth.
| x*x
"What preparation have you made for
! the future?" asked the old man whom
he hoped to make his father in law.
| "Well, SIR" he said, diff lently, II am
| a Methodist, but if that doesn't suit your
views am willing to change. y Chicago
Times Herald
81 have come to have a serious inter-
view with you," announced the would be
son law.
The old gentleman fell right in with
the idea and made things so serious that
the young man W as glad to escape with
out his hat-Detro1 Free Press
You say that you want money to buy
food for a hungry man whose face you
never saw up to this time!"
eyes, sir" replied Meandering Mike.
"Where is hep"
He's standin' right bere," was the
hesitating reply. "Im him. Washing
ton Star.
x**
Young Father-Is it boy or girl?
Doctor (cyclist)-No, it's tandem -
Chicago Times Herald
x#x
"And your wife aimed st and struck
your head with a cupP'
"Yes, sir"
Well, then, all have to say is that you
should be very proud of TIT Bits.
***
"Johnny2"
"Yes'm."
"Complete this adage for me: People
who live in glass houses Should"
"Sbould pull down the blinds."-
| CticdgO Record
x**
"Didn't l tell you that if you went
swimming again would punish you?"
asked the stern father
II didn't forget.'' replied Johnnie,
whose hair was dripping, but l can't
swim a stroke p Detroit Free Press.
wv
Well Begun, Half Done.-First Re-
former-I'm trying to write an essay on
the emancipation of my sex, and find it
very hard to begin.
Second Reformer-Oh, I think that
iutf hn-