The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1897-08-02
JONES PAYS THE FRErGHT.'

one jot or title of the defenses of the
system.
JONES PAYS THE FREIGHT"
This is the season when wearied hu-
man nature seeks recreation from the
arduous labors of the winter and the
spring. 1t is the season when the COM
FOUNDER of remedies has inserted in
the columns of the newspapers next to
reading matter" those solicitous in
quiries about your health, and especial
ly asking you if you have that tired
feeling" which only his preparation
can relieve. Those VINO can HE them
selves to the seacoast or the lakes or
the mountains and loaf their souls" in
as complete seclusion from the carking
cares of the world as it is possible to
set, while those who cannot, alas the
vast majority-remain and toll on,
pumping brain and muscle into the
great engines Of the worlds ceaseless
and insatiate industries till all the
valves of memory gasp and wheeze."
We go to our daily toll in shop or mill,
enjoying their summer jaunts and
question the dispensation that distrib-
utes opportunities thus unequally, feel
ing that
ct is d mighty curious law
That makes one man shah Of Persia
And another one plain Shaw"
But there are some of us poorer
mortals who, wiser and more Fortunate
ly circumstanced than the rest, dodge
the primal curse" and get our out
ings on pleasant lines with the minut-
est detail OF the expense of our timer
airy paid, and often enjoy a not I'M
generous stipend for our time. Just
now we are learning of many such
cases. Some time ago we were told
that our vast fatherly secretary of
agriculture had suddenly become eX-
tremely solicitous about the agricul-
turaI possibilities of that far away
region, brought into the United States
by Seward in return for the friendly
offices of Russia during our internecine
difficulty. Can Alaska grow grains
and vegetables? Of course there was
no lack of information. Alf Swineford
and each of his predecessors in the
governOrship of that region of seals
and reindeer, whale oil and blubber,
totems and salmon, had set forth vol
in
niferous resources of the country and
dilated upon its mild and sunny climate
in their annual reports, and in adj
dition we have the assurance of some
poet that once upon a time
'Mastodons fought with the great armadil-
loes
For pineapples grown in Alaska
But some uoilers, weary in brain and
muscle, needing recreation and rest, too
impecunious to pay the freight, prob
ably among the numerous original dis
coverers of the Great Apostle, friends.
may be, of the secretary whom the
Apostle discovered, were appointed by
the secretary as a special embassy to
visit Alaska this summer and investi-
gate the capacity of soil and climate
to produce beans and cabbage, rye Do
tatoes and sugar beets, and the gov
eminent would pay the freight. Then
there were Others It was discovered
that John Bull was not eating enough
of our butter simultaneously With the
discovery of some of the "others" that
trip to England would be so restful.
So they were dispatched to "open a
market for our butter, although we
have been shipping butter there for
many years. In this instance also it
is our generous uncle who pays the
freight, while his fortunate nephews
get their outing
No word comes to US from Wash
ington that the same vigorous secretary
has sent "a special secret commission
abroad to investigate the possibility Of
Siberia becoming the great wheat pro-
ducing country Of The world" 1t is
intimated that the administration is
apprehensive that by 800, when the
AN'ti Ae"ii " e'S 10 " ne competed,
there will come out of that region such
a deluge of wheat that even the Ding
ley tariff will not be able to save our
farmers and their votes to it's party.
But we, who know the inside of these
matters. know that this is what the
boys call CUFF" and that all that it
signifies is that there are some more
weary ones who need relaxation from
toll and are getting it at the cost Of
the Forgotten Man.
local item in the Clio b e reveals
the fact that the state government has
not caught on" to this latest dodge.
We are told how one of the professors
at the ~" went to Jamaica, or ia
lnaca" as he prefers to spell it, to find
out something about ferns Or some
thing Of that kind, and turned in his
expense account, amounting to two or
three hundred dollars. for the states
treasury to pay. Some ruthless officer.
noslng in the statutes for the author
lty for this expenditure and failing to
lind it, heartlessly ran his blue pencil
through the item, thus showing that he
is not up to date" and has NOT Iearo