The Monitor-register., 1897-07-09

Really, nov is honesty the best
1licy ?"
Il guess it is a good deal like life
has to die to realize. -
Journal.
x+x
81 hear you are paying snit to Miss
Fotrox. Does she suit you ?"
mo, she non suited me last evening""
N. ?. Press.
"Is Sims man to be depen ded
pon ?''
"Always. You can depend upon it
hat he will get the best of you if he
an."-Detr0it Free Press.
**x
"Am not addressing Miss Tomlin p
II was Miss Tomlin before l was mar
led, but don't know any of Miss Tom
in set now r'-Allg Sloper.
~
eyes, the cart went right over lis
,hest and killed i'm on the spot"
"Well, it was a mercy it didn't go
over lis 'ead, anyway."-Pick Me Up
rs
He-Would you scream il l should
kiss you
She-And if l were to allow you to,
would you squeel ?-Iadjanapolis Jour.
nal.
Chollie-What is your idea of a fool
Dollie-A man who neglects to kiss a
girl who has asked him to tuck her
sleeves in her COAT Yonkers Statesman.
Caught any fish, sir ?"
'No, my boy"
81 thought you wouldn't, COS there
wasn't no water in that pond till it
rained last night" ."-Sketchy Bits.
%*%
81 " ish had Tam worth's gift of gab."
"Why ?" "He talked to Pelton twenty
minutes yesterday without giving the
latter chance to ask for the money he
wanted to borrow. p CIe0eland Leader.
x*x
She-It's no use, Mr.. Newly; as things
are wouldn't accept the best man liv-
ing"
He (coolly)-Well, I'm sorry, but at
any rate you have the satisfaction of
knowing that he has offered himself
Sketch.
~
She-Perfectly lovely club, isn't it?
He-Are you member p?
She-No. Only married women are
eligible. Ah Would you allow me to
make you eligible to membership p
Parsons Weekly.
x*x
Papa Crumley-I Judge man, sir, by
the company he keeps.
Mr.. Suitor-Yes. sir. l hope you will
bear in mind that I've been keeping
company with your daughter for owe
two years.-Ptila. North American.
x*x
Lawyer Investigating his cient'l
story)-Look here Tell me erything
Have you kept back anything
Client-I have not. l paid you ever!
penny l have in the world for your re-
tainer.-Pittnan Weekly.
4*&
"And do you think you can make my
daughter happy woman ?" asked the
father.
~ guess so," replied the young man
"What make of wheel does she prefer p
Yonkers Statesman.
~
He-It seems to me that, under some
circumstances, a minister might be justi
fed in using another minister's sermon.
She-Under what circumstances !?
He-Well, for instance, if it was a very
short tsermon.-Puck.
**x
'Seven dollars for a room and
breakfast ? Great SCOTT, man that is
awfully steep--awfully high," said the
victim.
"Yes." admitted the summer land.
lord, ''it is so high and steep that don't
see how l can come down. "-Indiana-
polls Journal.
Watts-Tne displacement of men by
machinery has been great in recent
years.
Potts-And it is still going on. Only
yesterday was going across Pennsyl-
vania street and found myself displaced
by bicycle with great precipitancy.-
Indianapolis Journal.
**x
Hes fine young man." remarked
Colonel Stillwell; "a very fine young
man."
"But isn't he disposed to be rather
shy ?" inquired the girl to whom he was
talking.
"As to that, l rely conldn't say. l
nevah had the pleasure of playing poker
with m."-Louisoill Courier-oournaI.
~
Miss Passee (aged forty)-I wish to see
Il hat.
French Milliner-For yourself, miss?
Miss Passee-Yes.
French Milliner-Marie, run down
stairs and get me ze hat for ze ladies
between eighteen and twenty-five years.
lid Bits.
Bacon Have you seen Sprocket
lately7
Egbert-No.
"He's sight. Face cut, arm in sling,
and walks lame"
"How did he do it, on his bicycle
"No, if he could have stayed on the
bicycle he'd have been all right. ."-Yonk-
ers Statesman.
The strength which comes to us from
eating nourishing food is better than
stimulation, because it is neao streng tn.
The baaIfh % hfoh halonos to akrnnO