davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald., 1897-11-21
The Professors Wife as a Critic

A college professor, who prided him
self on his correct English, heard his
wife remark: II intended to tell Jane to
bring fresh bucket of water" ~
'-"You- doubtless. mean bucket Of
fresh water" corrected the professor.
II wish you would pay some attention
to your rhetoric. Your mistakes are
curious"
A few moments later the professor
said:
my dear, that picture will show to
better advantage if you were to hang 1t
over the clock"
"Ah," she replied. quietly. "you doubt
less mean if were to hang it above the
clock. If were to hang it over the clock
we could not tell the time. l wish you
would be more careful with your rhet-
oric, my dear; your mistakes are curl
ous."-Syracuse Standard.
The herald., 1897-11-21


gregate Of wheat consumption, and de-
ducting the quantity from the aggre-
gate product will disclose the surplus
for expectation. The population of this
country is supposed to be about one
twenty-fifth Of that Of the world,
and statisticians say that one
sixth of all the sugar produced
in the world is consumed in the
United States. These facts serve to
illustrate the liberality of American
consumption, not only Of the articles
mentioned, but of all others necessary
to comfortable living. Americans are
not profligate, though they may be
somewhat wasteful. We have elements
of economy. but our thrift does not
drive us to selection Of cheap food. Very
few confine themselves in their eating
to what they cannot sell.
The recognized characteristic Of Amer
leans in regard to consumption and the
rich natural resources of the country
have made the United States desirable
field for manufacturing and commercial
nations in which to cultivate their trade.
AS buyers. Americans have long been
popular with sellers. We have been col
,nizing and gathering the cream that
has appeared on the surface. The time
has come when we must so deeper to
find the sources of wealth. There will
have to be more skillful in not harder
.abor, and the practice of greater econ
omy on the part of the masses.
During the last third Of a century
there has been a growing disparity il
The possession of wealth and conse-
quently disappearance of that equality
Of conditions, which for nearly three
quarters of century gave distinction to
the country and produced Worldwide
admiration for our institutions. 1t is
obvious that at the present time much
smaller percentage of our people are
able to live generously than in the past
II is. therefore, probable that the pei
capita consumption in the future will
be less than it has been, and it is pos
sible, also, that production may be less
The future greatness of the nation will
be best promoted by correction of those
policies which tend to destroy that
equality of conditions which should
naturally exist, and the adoption OF
those which assure the largest means
Of acquiring comfortable living and
elevating surroundings to the masses
The impoverished man. the poorly-fed
and clothed man is not the most SER
vceabe to his fellows or to his country.
His patriotism is liable to be as i'm
the very opulent apt to be possessed of
the highest and most elf-sacrificing
patriotism. The great middle class is the
rock on which popular institutions and
sood government are built. Civilization
never progressed with rapid strides
when deprivation and want prevailed.
There need not be policies which arc
leveling. for absolute equality can never
exist but there mus not be those which
tend to create a dependent class. OF
which contribute to deprive any class,
great or small, of the means of acquir-
ing rational comforts. Henry Ward
Beecher said he liked to see men well
fed and clothed, for such made whole
hearted and earnest Christians May the
masses of Americans always be able to
consume literally without prof1igacy!
People love their country in proportion
to the good 1t does them.
The herald., 1897-11-21

A confidence game was played In
Denver recently that puts the operations
of the Poker" Davis gang entirely il,
the shade. An ItalianFwoman, arrested
for stealing coal from the Union Pacific
J. Pie:pont Morgan's new railroad. ap
peared in court for trial, followed b!
thirteen children of assorted sizes. Th'
judge discharged her without waiting
for the prosecuting witness to appear
so impressed was he by the size of tn
poor woman's family. A little later h
discovered that nine Of the collection hat
been borrowed and carefully graded TO
the express purpose OF, melting the hear
Of justice. Now he wishes he had stayed
by Pierpont Morgan.
The herald., 1897-11-21
Make Me as One of Thine Hired Ser
wants"

Sometimes l wish myself as many are.
With poor things satisfied, throughout
content
With imperfection. Such are happier far.
Well pleased with gauds, their sturdy ear
not rent
By dissonance minds which can reconcile
The true and false, believe in heaven and
hell.
Ideals unattainable beguile
Not simple souls like these. No passion
fell
Against injustice stirs their placid sleep
With dreams of wrestling 'sainst force
Which seems to mock, until ! wake and
weep
Ger aims unreached whilst life runs out
its course.
Yet would l not lose momentary CLEANS
OF possibilities beyond all dreams.
H. Talbot.
The herald., 1897-11-21
Column Of Smoke as Lightning Rod

On the approach Off thunder storm
French peasants often make up very
smoky fire inthe belief that safety from
lightning will result. This practice has
generally been set down as mere SUPER
stition, but there is an underlying rea-
son based on scientific principles. This
is that the smoke acts as a conductor
and dissipates the electric charge of
the clouds slowly and safely. 1t is
pointed out In substantiation Of this
that in 1000 cases Of damage by light
ming 6.3 per cent were churches, S.5 mills,
while the number Of factory chimneys
was less than one-half Of per cent.-Ex.
The herald., 1897-11-21
Los ANGELES DAILY HERALD
SWORN STATEMENT CIRCULATION

state Of California. County Of Los Ange-
les.-ss.
L. M. Holt superintendent Of circulation
Of the Los Angeles Daily Herald. being
first duly sworn. deposes and says: That
for the five months from February l, 1891
to June 3o 1897 (inclusive), the total circu-
lation Of the said Daily Herald was 1.29o'6So
copies, being an average daily circuln-
tiOn of S0O4.
That the weekday circulation during the
above time was 1o1l SCI, being daily
average of S3O6 copies.
That the Sunday circulation during the
above time was 2ls.o59. being an average
for each Sunday of 1O.431.
L. M. HOLT.
Superintendent Of Circulation.
Subscribed and sworn to before me this
18th day Of July, 1897.
FRANK J. COOPER.
Notary Public in and for the County OF
Los Angeles State OF California.
The herald., 1897-11-21

The New York World asserts that fori
tennis and two while playing golf sine,
1894. The fatalities must have beer
caused by apoplexy Or heart disease.
The herald., 1897-11-21

The Milwaukee Wisconsin is restivs
under the notoriety of that city as til
northern Gretna Green of runawS
couples. The Wisconsin oughtto hav
sufficient influence to~get suitabl.
law passed by the Legislature.
Hundreds of young lives have bee
ruined through the easy facilities tha
state offers to elopers.
The herald., 1897-11-21
ALGER'S TOMMYRoT

The positive statement by General
Alger that he will not proceed to ad-
vertise for bids for the construction of
San Pedro harbor, urging the pretense
that there is no money to pay for the
advertising, and that the project will
The herald., 1897-11-21

Representative Dingley speaking be
fore the Home Market club of Boston
asserted that the result of the electiol
did not indicate any dissatisfaction wit,
the Mckinley administration. Is MI
Dingley willing to take all the blame OF
himself and his law?
The herald., 1897-11-21

The fact that Sir Wilfrid Laurier wa
not searched for concealed weapon
upon the occasion of his recent visit t,
Washington is taken as evidence tina
Canada is still on. good terms with thi
country, despite it's hostile tariff.
The herald., 1897-11-21
THANKSGIVING

The present week is the forerunner of
the holiday season. 1t is appropriately
ordered that as a nation we express our
gratitude ere we make merry. 1t is
pleasing to be able to look forward to
the coming Thanksgiving day and know
that We shall have, as a people, more
The herald., 1897-11-21

1t is not known whether the Journal o,
the World of New York will print signec
statements from Thorn and Mrs. Naci
complimenting the paper upon it's repor
of the Thorn trial. Perhaps they ma y
conclude to divide the honor"
The herald., 1897-11-21

1t is reported that kid" Mccoy is
c. A. gymnasium at Dayton, o. The
demoralizing effect Of Hanna sEictator-
ship in Ohio are spreading rapidly.
The herald., 1897-11-21

j. Pierpont Morgan is organizing the
pose of waging bitter war on the great
General Electric company. Go 1t dog,
go il bear.
The herald., 1897-11-21
THE HERHLD'S MUSE
Fools

Fools
The Lord. wen he made up the people.
think,
Found fools wus the easiest made;
He could turn out dozen ex slick ez a
wink.
An poot 'em to dry in the shade:
Then he'd monkey away with . bucket
NV clay
Creatin feller .th brains.
Wen he'd wake to the fact that the work
An that fools didn't need any pains.
Now. onct got stuck on bog. don't cher
Bought the thing for a cranberry patch
But doggon my hide ef the berries Id grow
Though I planted 'em batch after batch;
Well, one day q burned fool cum a poken
along.
Remarked he WIZ lookin' for bogs;
So sold HIM the place for bar of a song
He's wealthy frum marketin frogs.
Next went to hill, jish ez dry ez bone;
Hopt clean to the uther extreme;
Whenever l plowed I could raise plenty
stone,
But all other crops wuz dream.
Well. one day burned fool. tn hammer
in hand.
SulU lie wanted tHe pidCe tuT tuc oTs
SO poot down the price. grinned, an sold
him the land;
He's quarryen marble up there.
Then moseyed out west, an bought up
mine
Thet wuz shower a streak NV good ore;
She pinched. and l seq, "She WIZ fixed. l
opine,"
So 1 turned in an fixed her some more.
Well, wen a geology book. and fool
Requested that set price.
really felt sorry. he took 1t so cool
He's refused cool million, jist twice.
So fur twenty wears past on this cold.
dreary place.
Th nu,hen but timber and lake,
we froze here, a thinker thet l set the
pace
Ez big durn fool ez they make.
20 wen fool asts me ef l want to sell.
I know eff We meet on the price.
They'll run through the place tn railroad
to hell,
An that foolll sell cordwood, an ice!
ALFRED l. TOWNSEND.
Lone Valley, November l6. 1897.
The herald., 1897-11-21

The Republicans have proved very un-
grateful to the gold Democrats who
helped them elect Mckinley last year.
In fact, a gold Democrat can be identi-
fled anywhere by his cold feet.
The herald., 1897-11-21

Every county in Southern California
should be represented at the Omaha ex-
position, which will be the first great
fair representative of the prolific Trans
mississippi country.
The herald., 1897-11-21

1t is now intimated that the train rob.
bers who held up a Santa Fe Pacific
train near Grant, N. NJ, cleared s15O,O36
1t would be interesting to know if any
of that particular gang ever had the
Klondike fever.
The herald., 1897-11-21

It is understood that the indianapolis
monetary commission Is not thinking Of
taking Senator Chambers advice in
favor of bimetallism.
The herald., 1897-11-21

The San Francisco Call says that
Huntington regards California as his
country place. San Pedro cannot be in
cluded in that proposition.
The herald., 1897-11-21

Speaker Reed will not settle in New
York and practice law. There will be
no chance, therefore. to see how he and
Boss Platt would get along with each
nt
The herald., 1897-11-21

The Chicago beer war is over. and with
schooners a nickel straight the popula-
ton of that city is once more below the
1000, 900 notch.
The herald., 1897-11-21

Perhaps il Senator Hanna gets
through safely this time he will be will
ing to bestow autonomy on President
Mckinley.
The herald., 1897-11-21

The football season Is practically over
are getting ready for rush Of business.
The herald., 1897-11-21

The Denver Post, having attained the
dignity of it's first libel suit, devotes COL
umns to telling how it fits.
The herald., 1897-11-21

Some cantankerous Republicans arc
even finding fault with Governor Budds
Thanksgiving proclamation.
The herald., 1897-11-21

President Mckinley still has few
Offices left for Christmas presents.
The herald., 1897-11-21

When a woman tells you to get of the
earth, jump-Oceanside BLADE
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23
SOMEBODY'S BUSINESS.
Marion Standard.

Marion Standard.
 If man wants to drink whisky that is his business" says the saloon apolo- gist.
 Let's see. When Bob Poland and Coon Parker were drinking in Heflin. Ala, one Saturday night and in their spree ran a car of the Southern railroad off the switch and out on the main track down the grade until it stopped on high trestle, it became the Southern railroads ."busiress.' -@. 4..rt| .-
 Ard when a loaded freight train came along and rushed into the car, causing a $100000 wreck, destroying much valua- ble merchandise, it became the business of a great many merchants and shippers, as welt as the railroad
 And when the three bodies were dug out from under the wreck. it became the business of some wives and daughters.
 And when the tax payers are called up on to support the families whose natural providers have thus been suddenly taken away, it will become the business of sev- el~al other people.
 One mans drinking often becomes the business of several hundreds of thous- ands of people, and the man who cannot perceive this fact ought to be sent at once to an institute for the educati ton of the Predetermined
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23
DRUNKARDS,

The following clipping from the Brit ish Medical Journal was sent to the State Herald with a request to publish, sug
 gesting it might work well in this city:
 When the police of Denmark find any olae in the streets drunk and incapable, they take him in a cab to the station, where he gets sober in a surgeons care. On recovering sobrety the police take him home. A bill for the services of the cabman, the surgeon and the police agent for special duty is then presented to the host of the esta blighmant where the patient took his last drink. In Fur key if Turk falls down in the street while intoxicated and is arrested, he is sentenced to the bastinado, which pun ishment is repeated as far as the third offense. After the third bastinedeing he is considered to bic inoorigable, aud is called an imperial" or ''privfieged" drunkard. If arrested after that he has only to give his name and address and state that he is a privileged" edrunkard, when he is released and conducted home, the bill for these kindncGses being render- ed to him for payment next day. ----1-
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23

chant will, however, take the pains to institute a little series of investigations on this point, he will not advertise blind ly in the future.
 Take practical way of demonstrat- ing the value of a particular newspa- per advertisement, and an excellent plan of this character is outlined in the Dry Goods Economist" which is as follows:
 Advertise one thing or one line of goods at a time in each paper used. For instance, silks in one paper. boots and shoes in another, and something else in a third. For each line of goods use the most appropriate paper. Follow this plan faithfully for a few months and you Will soon know where you are at."
 If a merchant will conscientiously do this and then cut off those papers that apparently don't pay and put the money into one from which he gets the best re- turns, he will be more satisfied with the results of newspaper advertising than if he followed hap-hazZard methods and spent his money for so-called cheap ad- vertising
 Other things being equal, the paper which has the confldence-which means the cireulation-in a community, is the one in which a merchant should adver- tise.
 The careful merchant will see that his advertisement appears steadily throughout the year; that 1t is attrac- tive and catchy to readers; that it states facts and that persons who read it and act on it once will feel that they have a business friend for the future. There are a thousand and one things that go to make a successful ad. The public, their tastes and purse must be reached and to do this effectively newspaper ad- vertising is the best method to pursue.
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23
LET US HEAR FROM YOU.

The peach crop is ruined several times annually in the newspapers and yet peaches are usually to be had for the eating. It is feared however, that the peach crop for this year is ruined for good and all in many sections. The drop of the thermometer to 24 degrees on Mon- day night was more than the opening peach buds could stand, and the reports from the peach sections from the Cum berland Valley, in this state. and the mountain sections of Maryland are to the effect that the great majority of the orchards are frozen beyond help for this yelr. It is not unlikely that the peach orchards of Delaware and Naw Jersey have shared the same fate and that we may he compelled to eat California peaches this year or go without. If this shall prove to be the case it will be great misfortune to the peach growers and a great privation to everybody Philadelphia Times.
 The State-Herald asks in the interests of Alabama fruit growers that the week. ly papers of our state give the situation in their respective localities as to the fruit and berry prospects for 1897, as in view of the foregoing and the reports yes- terday of freezing throughout Virginia, North and South Carolina, etc. southern fruits are sure to bring profitable prices
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23

times, and told a story after each effort He confided in the attendant that even if Reuben Rader had shown some timidity about riding in elevators, on the occa- sion of a visit to the capital, he wasn't that kind of fellow himself, and he was looking for elevators, electric lights and concert halls-and as many of them as possible to convince himself that he was not jay.
 You see," he said, 'it is some time since I have been here. The last time was 1867. have been back in the moun- tains mostly ever since. But I read the newspapers whenever I can"
 His eye caught the words Rum ome- let" With the taste for rum still in him he ordered one. In due time 1t came His attention was diverted a moment during which the waiter deftly ignited a match and touched it to the liquid as he poured it over the contents of the platter.
 Great Scott" the customer yelled, as he turned to the table again.
 He did not continue to talk, being a man of action. With a sweep of both arms he grasped the tablecloth and seat, he shucked his coat and piled it on top of the table cloth. Cautiously he raised both. The fire was out.
 You never want to run after water when fire breaks out" he said, proudly. Always smother it. if you can. 1 know a thing or two myself. l wonder if Rube would have acted as well as I did
 He ate the rest of the dish, though, saying that it was none the worse for the experience, and that it would be a pity to waste it. paid for it without a murmur, and in other ways showed that he had in him many of the clements of a genuine sport.
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23

The man who goes to find the North Pole must be strong, and brave, and healthy. His is dangerous and health trying task. His nerves must be steady to keep his vessel from wreck. His blood must be pure and rich to withstand ex- posture and fatigue.
 These things are equally as important to the man who stops at home and works, for death and disaster are not confined to the Arctic regions. Steady nerves, pure blood and healthy vigor are essential to health and success anywhere ill the world. Thousands of men do not seem to realize this and go about half alive and miserable just for lack of little of the proper medicine. Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery is designed to help them. It is a blood vitalizer-a nerve strengthener. It should be taken by every man or woman who is not exactly as well, and vigorous as he or she ought to be. It produces strong, sound, solid flesh = brings springiness back to the step-brightness to the eyes-cheerful- ness to the mind. No medicine in the world ever had such wonderful record of success.
 wm. smothers, Esq, of Millston, Jackson Co, Wis., writes: II wish to say that Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery is the best medicine for the Grip that have ever tried. was cured twice with 1t when l could not get any other re1iefr
 Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate the liver, stomach and bowels.
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23
WHY, WHEN AND WHERE TO AD-
 VERTISE.

There is probably no question about which there is so much dispute as why when and where to advertise. In a gen. eral sort of way, every merchant who wishes to do a satisfactory and prosper ous business feels that he must advertise and a certain fund is always appropri- ated to this account every year.
 This fact is well known by the thou sand and one advertising fallirs who make their living off of too easily par suaded merchants. The result of eX- perience, however, shows that money not spent in the proper medium-that is, the newspaper-is, nine times out of ten, wasted; and even newspaper ad- vertising. to some peoples minds. is of more or less doubtful value. If mer-
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23
ONE OF TWO WAYS.

The bladder was created for one pur- pose, namely, a receptacle for the urine. and as such it is not liable to any form of disease except by one or two ways. The first way is from imperfect action of the kidneys. The second way is from care less local treatment of other diseases.
 CHIEF CAUSE.
 Unhealthy urine from unhealthy kid- neys Is the chief cause of bladder troub- les and suffering so painful to many that life is made miserable. The womb like the bladder was created for one purpose, and if left alone 1t is not liable to become diseased, except in rare cases. When Tn position the womb Is situated back of and very close to the bladder, and for that reason any distress, disease or ineonven- fence manifested in the kidneys, back, bladder or urinary passage Is often by mistake, attributed to female weakness or womb trouble of some sort The error is easily made and may be as easily avoided by paying a little attention to the condition of the urine (see pamph- let. The mild and the extraordinary et- feet of Dr. Kilmers Swamp-Root the great kidney, liver and bladder remedy is soon realized. It stands the highest for its wonderful cures. If.you need a medi- cine you should have the best. At drug gists fifty cents and one dollar. You may have sample bottle and pamphlet both sent free by mail. Mention The State Herald, and send your address to pr. Kilmer x Co.,, Binghampton, N. Y. The propretors of this paper guar antee the genuineness of this offer.
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23
THE ADvERTIsER's OK GoRED.
Russell Register.

RUSSeII IeSlSter. m -777
 Ever since the legislature passed the back tax bill the Montgomery Advertiser has been condemning it on the ground of the oppression it was liable to visit upon the poor farmers of Alabama, and many eioqu5nt editorials have appeared in that paper referring to the unwise and unjust provisions of that law.
 It is a we'll known fact that the prop erty of the farmers of Alabama consists Of things that cannot be and are not hid- den out from taxation, and still the last census shows the value of the taxable property to be double the amount for which it is assessed for taxation. It is an undisrutabie proposition that somebody has not been giving in his property for what it is worth. and 1t was to remedy this evil that the Jaw was passed. But the Advertiser is against the law and says
Birmingham state herald., 1897-04-23

conclude that the back tax law has doubled the value of ths Advertisers S plant so far as taxation is conc rned and this marvelous effect possibly ex- plains the Advertisers extreme disfavor toward the act.
 No, it is not the poor farmers OK that has been gored by the back tax.law. We will give chromo for a farmer whose property has doubled in taxable value in the last two years. The poor farmers ara not kicking. The Advertiser has been bowling long and loud, and it had req son for it.