Santa Fe daily New Mexican., 1897-04-07
DIR. PERKS PARTY.


lie, you know"
"Generalizing is pardonable where no
exception can be proved" said Augustus.
IT affirm that my wife has never in her
life refused an invitation when it has been
possible to accept it,
"But to particularize, said I, glancing
at the note of invitation.
"To particularize, said Augustus, 1--WE
have been asked to a mad tea party, and
my wife means to go"
"Don't talk as if l were going alone,
Augustus" said Anthea. And we were
mute.
"They are not really mad, F" she went on.
"And we have often been there before.
"It's our old friend DR.. Perks, you know.
He has big house near here, and he re-
ceives people who are not quite right.
They have hallucinations, or something.
But really, they are sometimes very nice,
and quite sensible too. Last year we dined
there, and there was a Lady Mills staying
In the house-really a charming woman.
But (wasn't it sado she thought she was
the queen. In other respects she was as
sane as you or |. She talked WELL and she
played whist exceptionally well, didn' t
she, Augustus?'
''She won seven and six from me- said
Augustus, compressing his lips, "and as
she was the queen l could not tell her
that thought
"You have to humor them, - interrupt
ed Anthea, who had heard about the seven
and six before.
Anthea then looked around the luncheon
table and remarked that she thought Ma
bel Dering and Mr.. Tapson were the only
nice ones of the party, and that there was
room for one more in the carriage
81 should like very much to CO." said
firmly
The carriage came round at 4 o'clock,
and at 4 40 Anthea sailed down stairs and
remarked, with smile, that her clock
was all wrong, and that she hoped she had
kept no one waiting.
1t was grilling hot and Tapson and T.
who sat with our backs to the horses in
the landau and dreamed of hammocks
slung under COOL shady trees, cordially
agreed with everything she said Mabel
Dering looked q little frightened she said
she hoped DR.. Perks patients wouldn't
edo anything"
DR.. Perks, the butler said, had been
most unexpectedly called away. He had
left a note for her ladyship. Would her
ladyship care to 60 into the garden and
wait? DIR. Perks hoped to be back by 5 $50
o'clock.
On precipitous bank at the bottom of
the garden, crawling about on their hands
and knees, were four lunatics-a very
stout lady, a young man with wild eye,
a pretty, feeble looking girl, and an elder
ly gentleman The young man raised
himself upright and planted his toes firm
ly in the bank.
''How do:" he said. "If I start, I'll
run into you"
II can't turn my head said tho stout
lady, still swarming laboriously upward.
The feeble girl looked round suddenly,
and in so doing lost her balance and start
ed down the bank at a run, holding out
her arms and crying at the top of her voice,
"Stop me, stop metz
Miss Dering took refuge behind Anthea,
but Tapson bravely held out his arms and
caught the flying figure.
Scotland Yard!' cried the feeble girl,
"that was rummy go! Glad / didn't
floor you."
AS the afternoon wore on, we discovered
that this poor things mania was that she
was very fast, sporting sort of girl. She
never spoke without using slang or swear
ing-but always in the wrong place, of
course, as mad people always do. Her
whole appearance suggested fancy work
and Sunday schools, and one could picture
her us the happy wife Of country curate.
"We're looking for wires" she said to
Tapson.
Soda water wires, you know" shouted
the fat lady from near the top of the bank.
"You must all lend hand" said the
feeble girl "No shirking" she called out
with a loud laugh, as Mabel and Anthea
were stealing away "You really must
help"
"Humor them, humor them," said Tap
son, i'll professional whisper, going down
on his hands and knees on the grass.
My back is breaking" whispered An
thea to me, kneeling upright and rubbing
some grass off her hands. Couldn't you
slip into the house and get soda water
bottle and some wire and pretend we had
found it? 1t might satisfy them"
AT this moment there was an unearthly
yell from the top Of the bank, and then a
tremendous cracking Of branches, as the
fat lady lost her balance and disappeared
into some thick low bushes on the other
side of the bank.
The elderly gentleman made gallant
attempt to save her, but only succeeded In
disappearing into the bushes himself.
In due time we extricated them all; the
feeble girl, who helped us in the task,
swearing genially the whole time.
After this the whole party declared that
wire hunting was over for the season.
"Close time" said the feeble girl
II think" said Anthea, 1--WE ought to
be getting home. If some one-my car
riage'-
''Oh, you mustn't go till DR.. Perks
comes back" said the tat lady.
Besides, there are the lights to see,"
cried the wild eyed young man-"green
eyes and burn among the grass, and twink
ling pale pink stars, and lights SO white o
maid might think that diamonds glittered
there.
"And cold potato pie, /" cried the fat la
ay "don't forget the cold potato pie. We
can't possibly let you go, = she said to An
thea.
"You are prisoners here till DR.. Perks
comes, said the elderly gentleman, in q
sepulchral whisper.
We had tea In q summer house, but the
fat lady drank whisky and soda.
The wild eyed young man ate cake SOL
emnly and In great QuaUtities, occasional
" muttering weird incantations over the
toothsome morsel. He seemed much at
tracted by Mabel Dering, at whom be