The San Francisco call., 1897-10-31
WRECKAGE.
BY HOWARD V. SUTHERLAND.

| BY HOWARD V. SUTHERLAND.
| Along with several Thousand ordinary
people l experienced acute satisfaction
when it became known that the youthful
| Mr.. Hobart had been relieved of his vermi-
form appendix. What the consequences
to San Francisco would have been had the
doctors been in evil mood Is too painful to
| contemplate. Since the operation the
| young man has risen considerably in my
estimation, for IL is not often that one of
Them rich fellers" will part with any
thing. 1t is, moreover. only natural to
suppose that the Hobart appendix was
somewhat different from that unwiilingly
possessed by less fortunate neighbors.
otherwise the yellow journals would not
! have devoted so much attention to it. 1t
was probably gold plated, heavily inlaid.
and may yet be exhibited by the Exam
liner when that paper crawls into its made
| over building on Market street.
| Senator Morgans alIusion to Hawaii
as IAN opening for the young men of the
| country who now feel the need of an ex-
pansive territory" is also appropriate of
the hereafter. Until ou- own scantily
settled States are more thickIy populated
| we had better keep our young men at
home. We may have need of them before
| long.
| My friend Millionaire Brad bury is once
again in the courts. To his credit it must
| be said that this time he is not there on
| account of violating the anti-expectora-
| tion ordinance, but to recover a porcelain
| bathtub said to have been removed from
one of mis- houses by a tenant of strong
prohibition principles 1 had not i'm
agined that Mr.. Brad bury would miss such
an article, believing as he does that, along
with the cuspidor, it has no place in any
well-regulai ed household. | am glad,
1 however, TO have been mistaken and hope
| that he will not only be successful in re-
claiming his property, but that he will joy
| in making use oil it. Should the courts &C
against Mr.. Brad bury he should be pre-
] sented with a new tub, bought by public
| subscription. To this fund l will cheer
| fully donate leaden four bit piece. given
| to me for change by one OF Mr.. Sutro's
facetious conductors.
| The news that society widow of
4 right, has married a negro bicycle in
l
| colored circles. If the sons of Ham con-
tinue to abase themselves in this manner
what hope can be entertained of their ul-
timateiy rising to equality with their
bleached brothers2 Bishop Gains, who
| appears to be pretty white black. de-
| voted an entire chapter in his last book to
| the question OF intermarriage and de-
1 nounced it in the strongest OF terms.
4
| A Anewspaper published in Ashland, Or,
| complains that several small boys make
| q playground of the city cemetery, and
| suggests that the practice be stopped
! Either there must be a dearth of play
| grounds in Ashland or the boys there
have queer tastes. If the authorities
| really wish the nuisance to be abated they
| should follow out the pre-. Raphaelite idea
OF art and decorate the tom mpstons with
iestoons of green apples.
II it be true that the suicidal mania can
! be cured by trephining is it not possible
that in time every other mania will be as
successfully treated? May not the bicycle
crank be restored to nationality, the base.
ball fiend be permitted TO mingle with his
saner fellows, the readers of the colored
| supplement of the daily papers be con-
yerted again TO Christianity and the milk
man be led from the path of crlme2 With
the possibility of all this being achieved
surely lite is worth living2
Colonel A. E. Bates remarked in a lee
ture the other evening that 1.-The army is
held in less esteem to-day than any other
profession" and regretted that this is so.
Seeing that the valiant colonel prefaced
This remark with others to the effect that
there will be class war in this country
inside OF fifty years. and that the army
| will then be employed to protect the
| classes against the masses. one is surprised
that the army is tolerated at all. The best
| thing for these adopted sons of Mars to d
| is to lay low and say nothing. ONLY on
| these conditions DO we consent to feed
| Them and cover their padded bosoms with
| braid.
| Judging by the frequency with which
charges of heresy are preferred against
leading divines the country over, the ten.
| dency OF the day among our spiritual
teaohsrsis toward progress and enlighten.
ment. The clerics are beginning to take
an interest in living men and women, and
| in the conditions that keep them from at
!
| that divinity Is in man, and not outside
| Of and above him as hitherto taught, and
| they see that it is as much the duty of the
preacher to night for his people in this life
| as 1t is to pray that their rece ption in the
next be neither too warm nor too cool. In
| the majority of cases the charges of her.
esy are brought by men of the old school
| the school that clothed God with i'm pene-
| trabIe mystery. and looked upon his crea.
| lures as objects of secondary importance
and consideration. The modern school
aware OF mans possibilities and believing
that divinity is in him, accords to man
the respect due while still reverencing the
divine cause that brought him into being.
| The preacher has hitherto not been
much of = power in any community. The
reason for this was that as be had busted
| himself mainly with the abstracr ha was