The record-union., 1897-12-09
BY THE JOKERS.

She-Do you believe that Friday is
an unlucky day?
He-No; on the contrary, I believe it
is next TO the luckieet day in the week.
She--How's that?
He-Why, you know it's the day be-
fore pay day.-Chicago Record.
He-Whenever I see an old sweet
heart 1 rejoice at my escape in not mar
rying her
She-No doubt she feels the same
way.-Chicago Record
Elder Berry - Joblots made a bad
break in church to-day.
Mrs. Berry-What did he do?
Elder Berry-Subscribed SO toward
lsending DR.. Thirdly to Europe, and Of
fered to double the amount if they
would make it Africa-Harlem Life.
Old Gotrocks (savagely) What's
that! you mean to tell me that you love
my daughter for herself alone?
Young Hardup (tremulously) Y
yes, sir-but 1 think 1 could l-learn to
l-love you t-too, sir-in t-t-time, sir
Judge.
Mrs. Brown-Jones-My husband and
quarreled before we We're married.
Mrs. Jones' -Brown-About what?
Mrs. Brown-Jones-He didn't believe
We would quarrel after We We're mar
ried and I did.-New York Evening
Journal.
Mrs. Tupenny-I wonder why the
figure Of woman is stamped on all
gold and silver money?
Tupenny-Because money talks, 1
suppose.-New York Journal
Midnight Burglar Fork out every
farthing you've got or I'll
Jones (half awake)-Look here, Ma
ria, this is coming too strong Didn't
1 give you all had when came home?
Judy.
Teacher-What is a rumor?
Pupil-A ship.
Teacher-Wha makes you say that?
Pupil-Because 1 always hear of ru-
mors being afoat.-Judy.
L cannot understand" said the bach
elor clerk, why mans wife is called
the better half I"
You would said the married clerk,
If you had to divide your salary with
one. e.'-Cincinnati Enquirer.
"A child in the house." said the
Thoughtful Chap, rs a joy forever"
Yes" remarked the NonsensicaI Guy,
SOmaWh0t
who are overjoyed. ."-Cincinnat Com
Aerega-Do you know, 1 once saw
colored ghost?
Plaza-Nonsense! How could you
tell 1t was colored ghost?
Aerega 1t was chasing after a
chicken.-Brooklyn Eagle.
father-When ! was a boy, children
mad some respect for the advice of their
parents.
Sonr-Yes, but in those days the chill
dren didn't know any more than their
parents did.-New York Truth.
Mrs. Earlywed-I didn't accept Algy
the first time he proposed.
Friend-I know you didn't.
Mrs. Earlywed-How do you know.
Friend-You weren't there.-Boston
Traveller.
Jollydog - Captain Kidd must have
been mighty poor financier
Pollywog-I don't see how you make
that out.
Jollydog-Well, he sunk about every
thing he had.-Town Topics
Askm-I wonder why they put green
Tellum-Don't you know that green
is the national emblem of our police
force Judge.
Il understand you have a silent part
ner in your business"
Your informant evidently didn't tell
you that my partner was a woman
Chicago Post.
First Farmer Them foreign crops
seem to be awful short.
Second Farner-Yes. 1t seems jest
like a dfspensation of Providence
Puck.
She-I never saw any indication that
YOU were willing to die to please me.
He = You didn't? Haven't you seen
me tackle your biscuits? Yonkers
Statesman.
What is the subject of your forth
coming lecturer"
"Oh, it's nothing to speak of."-Louis-
vile Courier Journal
DO you suppose scorching is the
cause of all these bicycle faces we
see?"
"Shucks, no! In nine cases out of
ten it's the installment plan" New
York Truth.
sSasS6s I'll.