Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1897-03-22
JUST FOR FUN.

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You must be anxious to die. No
amt, protested poor Jones, but didn't
you say that your last medicine was
to be taken in water?
Weary Watkins -Wot you think of
this scheme of free baths?
Hungry Higgins won't git
none from me. No man is goin' to
git me to battle without payin me fer
it.
She-Really, but this is so sudden, I
shall have to refer you to papa.
He-But do you consider your papa,
being an interested party, good re-
ference?
Brown-John doesn't forget his AL
ma Mater.
Robinson-He doesn't eh?
Brownie, indeed! He's trying
to teach his baby the college yell.
The New Minister.-Six hours
sleep is enough for any man. The alb
sent minded Deacon-Good gracious!
You don't preach as long as that do
you?
She-Do you love me for myself
alone dearest?
He-Of course I do. You don't sup
pose want your mother about all the
time do you?
So you are looking for a situation?
said the lady at the door. Yes'm,
said the tramp, touching his hat.
What place did you last fill? Me
stomach, ma'am, with another touch
of the hat.
Do you think that it prolongs a
mans life to be insured?
Yes, replied the man who had just
been interviewed by an agent, it does
something toward keeping him from
being talked to death.
The Teacher-When woman's hus-
band dies, Patsie, what is she called?
Patsie-A wilder.
The Teacher-And when a mans
wife dies, Patsie, what is he called?
Patsie (after some thought) A wild
outher, mum!
Pat-I tell you the ould friends are
always the best, after all, and I can
prove it.
Dennis-How?
-Where'll you fine new frind
that has shtood by you at long as the
old ones have?
Doctor Ito Irish patient)-Do you
sleep with your mouth open?
Irish patient-Shure. Oh don't know,
doctor. Olive never seen myself whin
Olive been asleep, but Oi'll have a
look tonight!
Perhaps you are not aware, said the
placid gentleman with the white tie,
that Philadelphia erected more build
ings last year than Chicago?
Dormitories? asked the fat gentle
man with the large diamond and the
soft hat.
A teacher, observing boy coming
in late said to him:
Now then sir, what are you late for?
School sir, answered the lad,
quietly taking his seat among the re-
naming boys.
Professor lecturing Oxygen, gen
tlemen, is essential to all animal ex-
istence; there could be .no life with
out it. Strange to say, it was not dis
covered until century ago, when
Student-What did they do before
it was discovered, professor?
Cyclist-I always get nervous when
I see a woman crossing the street
ahead of me.
Second Cyclist-So do I. They have
SO many pins in their clothes, that if
fellow collides with them he is almost
sure to puncture tire.
Have you any bicycle boomers?
asked the New York girl entering a
Boston store.
No, miss, replied the salesman ad-
justing his glasses. I was not aware
that bicycles wore bloomers. I can
show you some nice patterns for Ia
dies who ride bicycles.
I can get you job at cutting ice, if
you want it, said the member of the
for Extending Assistance
to the Worthy Poor.
Pm much obliged, said Perry Pate
tie, but SEEM as how don't cut no
ice socially guess might jist as well
keep it up along other lines and not
burst me reputation.