Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-08-11
SPINNING WHEEL.

OFIN NI1NU w HELL
An uncouth old rancher from the San
Joaquin valley was making his weekly
trip to Stockton the other day, and
CHANGED to be sitting with an impcrti-
nent drummer in the smoking car. The
old man helped himself to the matches
from the railroad box, and tried to strike
one and then another.
You have to scratch them on the box,
uncle remarked the drummer.
"Oh, l guess | kin strike match,
replied the rancher. as he ripped one
across the vanished panel of the car
and broke off the head. The drummer
laughed at his failure and gave him
some more information.
THE only way to light those matches
is to strike them on the box" said he.
ooh, | guess | kin scratch 'em any
where's" and the old man tried one on
the sole of his shoe, another on the arm
of the seat, and still another on the
car floor, while the drummer only
laughed
81 tell you they are made so that they
won't light unless you scratch them on
the box"
bet you they will
''I'll bet 81 they won't"
"Bet you 500 they will
''I'll take it,
The wager was made, the old man
took one of the matches, stood up, and,
hitchiGg his trousers up so as to make
smooth surface over his broad thigh.
gave the match a deliberate scratch and
1T blazed up. Then he deliberately light
ed his pipe and drew down the stakes.
The smart drummer does not know
that the innocent old rancher pays his
expenses every trip on that trick, for he
mas the side of a match box sOWed in
his trousers beneath the tail of his long
SHINY coat-San Francisco Post.
The author of ''Bismarcks Table Talk"
says that someone was speaking to Bis
marck one day about his unusual attain
ments as linguiSt. The prince. who is
specially proud of his knowledge of t1e
russian language. spoke of the great DIFF
hcultles of mastering that tongue.
You must have great talent in that d.
rection." said his interlocutor.
well" answered the prince, Il had
unusual advantages when l was learning
the language at st. Petersburg. l lodged
IN the house with a Russian and beat"
Bismarck. who had worn himself out
in the service of Germany and his En-
peror. rarely referred to his labors for
the Fatherland. One morning he and
the Emperor William We're riding togeth-
er in the park. They had not gone far
when Bismarck complained of fatigGe.
The Emperor. who was quite fresh, said
somewhat testify:
''How is it that though / am an older
man than yourself, prince, l can always
Outride yOu?"
Bismarck's reply was as reproachful as
it was epigrammatic.
''Ah, sire" he said, ''the rider always
outlasts the horse
''Those chorus girls are picking the
new sOubrette to pieces.
That's nothing. She's used to APP
pearing in parts. "-Cleveland Plain Deal
er.
If you can spell every word correctly
IN the following rhymes-all legitimate
eXpressions-you may consider yourself
qualified to enter Il spelling bee:
Stand up, ye spoilers, now. and spell
Spell phenakiSteSCcDe and knell:
Or take some simple word as chilly,
Or gauger or the garden lily.
To spell such words as syllogism,
And lachrymoSe and SynchroniSm
And Pentateuch and saccharine,
Apocrypha and celadine
LactiferOuS and cecity.
Jejune and homeopathy.
Paralysis and chlorOfOrm.
RhinOceros and pachyderm.
Metempsychosis, gherkins, basque
Is certainly no easy task.
Kaleidoscope and Tennessee.
kamtchatka and dispensary,
DiphthOng and erysipelas,
And etiquette and saSSafras.
Infallible and ptyalism,
AllOpathy and rheumatism.
And cataclySm and beleaguer.
Twelfth, eighteenth rendezvous intriguer
And hosts of other words all found
On English and on classic ground.
Thus, Behring Straits and MichaelmaS
ThermOpylae, Cordilieras,
Suit, hemorrhage, jalap. Havana,
Cinquefoil and ipecacuanha,
And Rappahannock, Shenandoah
And Schuylkill, and a thousand more.
Are words some prime good spoilers miss
In dictionary lands like this
Nor need one think himself scroyle
If some of these his efforts foil.
Nor deem himself undone forever
TO miss the name Of either river
The Dnieper, Seine or Guadalquivir.
New Orleans TimeS-D Democrat.