Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1897-04-09
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
BROTHER GARDNER DISC lovers THAT 4
GOODNESS DOES NOT PAY.
He Proves His Assertion by Recountt0o
the Experience Of the Late Comeback
Thompson, IN Esteemed Member Of Tho


wild LIES trubbles an has gwine to better
land, an / sorrow dat he didn't hev q bet
ter time doorin his sojourn ON airth.
Brudder Thompson was goo1 mar in
all dat de term implies, an OATS &c reason
he was glad to go when death called him.
An experience Of 60 Vars had proved 20
him dat goodness didn't pay per cent on
de capital invested. I knowed him fur
,ober so Vars, an knowed all his pec0oliar.
tiles. Doorin his lifetime he lent to his
.frens an nayburs 400, 2s7 umbrellas, an he
nebber got but two Of 'em back, an dat
was by accident. Fur 30 y'ars he libbed
next doah to woodward an nebber stole a
splinter. an yit de woodward man wouldn't
seben send q bunch Of roses to his funeral.
He fggered up dat in fo'ty yurs he lost
720, 1000 waterlnillyons from his garden, an
yit no man was ginerOus: 'nuf to leave de
rinds behind to iced de pig. He nebber
lent his wheelbarrer dat it didn It git broke,
an he nebber lent his crowbar dat he didn't
hev a lawsuit to git it back.
''If he lent 50, de pussoh who borrowed
1t allus run away or got struck by light
min. If he borrowed dollar, dc lender
.allus jumped on him wild boat feet to git it
back. Ii Bruddor Thompson ever got
ready to go to circus or u picnic, some
naybur got kicked by mewl or run ober
by street kyar an de ole man would sac
rifce his pleasure to act as nurse and con-
so]er. Oar was hole in de sidewalk in
front of his house, an fur 20 Vars be hung
q lantern on his gate to warn pedestrians
agin dc peril. Not only was he laughed
at fur his pains, but de lantern was stolen
so often dat de ole man had to go widout
Eaters and sugar to buy new ones. People
who stole dc cowcumbers from his leetle
garden an got case of de collie had de
cheek to send to his house fur remedies,
an mo- dan 10 different fam lies used his
washbo'd, his aatirons an his fine comb.
As Il good mana man who wanted to do
de squar' thing by his teller lnan-Brua-
der Thompson was ut lie head of dc pur'
ceshun. ,Nebber in all dc Vars l knowed
him did he cease dom good or utter one
complaint about de way de world used
him.
IAN de oddcr day he was called home.
One of de last things he did was to lend q
naybur his washtub an clothes bars, an de
ole man was skassly dead beio' dat naybur
sraded de things off fur yaller parrot
which was bin in one eye. Only three or
TO- pussons wisisted him doorin his illness,
an one keeridge held all de mourners dat
followed him to his grave. Jest befo' we
lief dc house fur de sad journey man ar
rove fur dc purpose of 'borrowin de cook
stove fur week or two, an when he
,l'arned dat Bruddar Thompson was dead
he also wanted to borrow de back doah an
two beds. Takin not only dis case. but
my own experience an dat of others, / am
free to say to yo' dis eyenin dat goodness
don't pay. 1t am my serus al airnest adj
vice to yo' not to be oo5good. Dere amt
any money in it. Dere amt any gratitood
in it. Derc amt any satisfackshun in 1t.
Bein too good means comm down from
roast beef an sweet Eaters to a mighty
thin porridge an crust coffee. Be good up
to sartin p'.ut, but nebber go beyond it. ."
If naybur sends yo' free ticket to
cakewalk, yo' kin reciprocate by sending
him pound Of dried apples, but stop
right thar. If yo' should send him a $40
box to de theater, he'd only look upon yo'
as soft snap In de Vars gone by took
Brudder Thompson as an example an tried
to be as good as he was. 1t didn't take
me but three months to diskiver dat was
gallopin to de poorhouse. If I borrowed a
dollar Of a friend, he turned around an
believed in his honor, he got my money an
got his word. If I accepted pumpkin
pie from a naybur, soon found dat he
wanted to borrow my mewl fur a week to
make even. I had to quit bein too good
or lib on roots
"Don't be too good an don't be too bad.
Oars happy medium which yo' kin
strike if yo' fgger leetle. went to
work to f1gger, an think I've got it.
IF yo' want to trade nevis wild a man,
allus fix it SO dat he'll cum to yo' fust.
In dat case he won't be half SO apt to look
fur spavins on yo'r 1newl. .
II nebber beat church out O. my pew
rent, but five pennies will make mo- clat-
ter on de contribushun plate dan $40 BILL
"If yo' hev q ole hoe an yo'r naybur has
a new shovel, allus be de fust to offer to
lend.
Ode higher rates of interest yo' charge
man who wants to borrow money dc
quicker yo' kin discourage him from doin
bizness outside de banks.
eff yo' want to buy of a man, wait till
he am lard up an am obleeged to sell. If
yo' am hard up an want to sell, doan let
anybody know it.
"Be seen at church cherry Sunday as a
rule, but if dar am any money to be picked
up around q circus or q boss race don't let
muffin keep yo' away.
~ don't advise yo' to bet or play poker,
but if yo' win $25 on presidenshul 'leck-
heap better to put it in de bank dan to glib
it back to de man who lost it, 's
q IF my milk,nan should glib me dime
too much in maxim change, should re-
turn de oyerplus to him, but If I should
find de wallet of capitalist on de side
walk should consider dat was ahead of
de game. s..,t t5.e5
"H de street kyar conductor holds out
his hand to me, I pay my fare, but if he
Overlooks me am a nickel ahead.
81 wouldn't buy counterfeit money to
pass off on do public, but when find my
self stuck wild u bad bill I don t feel easy
in my mind till l hev got rid of 1t.
. GAS said to yo', don't be too good an
don't be too bad. De too good man au
puddin fur de hull world to eat at, while
de too bad man has to put out all Of his
money to de lawyers to keep him outer
prison. Jest find out de betwixt and be-
tween-de pint whar yo' kin make about
30 per cent profit on all yo' do fur man
kind an yit be SO well thought of dat yo'
will be prominent at county convenshun
an do postmaster won't ak fur any refer
ence when W. 90 tn rent a box Let u0