The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1897-08-07
BURDErrE GOES BICYCLING.
He Gives Graphic Account Of His Ef.
forts In an Inimitable Letter TO
Friend.

A report got in circulation to the
effect that Bob Burdette was dead.
The Burlington Hawkeye, with which
the humorist was formerly associated,
denied the rumor, and Bob confirms
the denial in the following letter to
the editor:
BRyN MAwR, July 3l.-My Dear
Waite: Like the true friend and
royal comrade you ever were, you do
right TO protest against my burial
prior TO the autopsy.
| am indeed very much alive. Not
only so, | haven't been dead even lit
tie bit. Not once. Could have been had
/ wanted to be. Could be yet. But
/ don't want to. Maybe | ought to be,
even now. But, as we make weekly
confession-s'we have left undone
those things which we ought to have
done"
Possibly the rumor that | have gone
dead grew out Of the fact that l have
learned toride bicycle. say, shave
4NOJ din iStdt H.
ed in one lesson. All by myself"
Went out in the moonlight last Fri
day night to learn, having first locked
my family in the house and forbade
them to look out OF the windows. Led
my bicycle out on the turnpike-the
Bryn Mawr pixies are broader than the
way to destruction, twice as smooth
and much cleaner. It's young b.
cycle--a colt, foaled In 81. Would
give the name but for the fact that
had to pay for the wheel. viii only
say, therefore, in accordance with the
ethics of our profession, that 1t is NOT
the wheel anybody says 1t is.
/ held him by the withers right In
the middle Of the road and mounted
without assistance.
| dismounted in the same fndepend-
ent manner.
Got on again and proceeded to break
him to saddle.
Did | ride the first time?
Well, say.
People had told me-liars OF all
ages and both sexes-that i couldn't
fall If when felt that was falling,
| would stick out my foot.
l stuck out both feet and both
hands and fell ON my head.
fell on one side of that dabolical
wheel and then on the other; fell ON
both sides at once; | fell on top of it
and underneath it, and made 'sdog
falls" with it. / fell between the
wheels. l fell behind the hind wheel
and before the front one at the same
time and don't know yet how / did it.
fell and thrust both legs through the
spokes OF one wheel. | met terrified
man in buggy and drove him clear
of the pike through Wheeler's hedge,
and don't think he has come back
yet. Every time / fell / slipped the
palms of my raw, swollen, throbbing
hands on the hard ''inelastic" pike, ex-
cept the time / fell on my head. fell
harder and with greater variety OF
landing than any man could fall un-
less he dropped from balloon and lit
IN a load of furniture. | lost my con-
fdence, my patience, my temper, my
clamps, lamp, bell and reputation. 1
broke my pedal, the saddle and the
ordinance against loud, boisterous and
language at night. / ran into
Every thing in sight except the middle
If the road. | sat down on everything
N the township except the saddle
'corched in circuit not fifteen feet
n circumference until you could smell
l made more revolutions
han South American republic, and
lidn't get ten feet away from where /
started. l haven't been so mauled |
Ind abraided, so thumpcd and beaten,
70 trampled upon and pounded, so
bruised and scratched since / left the |
lrmy. But can ride
don't say that l ''do." But l |
can"
Do consider the ''biking" good for
health?
For the benefit OF some people, / |
10. l don't see how physician can
ring up his family unless his chill
lren have something to eat.
But in my own case, / reserve my
leclsion. l will wait until l know
whether / am going to de or get we'll.
And do you tell Brother Davis to keep
lis obituary on the standing galley
Until he hears from "Slug Nine".
'elieve I've got $50" yet; although
riends who have called to see me
reak down when they say ''good-by"
nd walk out OF the room on tip-toe,
'ut l wouldn't mind that IL / knew
THAT became Of my shoulder blades
he time / ran under the hay wagon.
Cheerfully yours,
ROBERT j. BURDETTE.