Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-10-18
TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK.
SOME FUNNY INVENTIONS FOUND
IN THE PATENT OFFICE.

sent-minded. The average man of in
telligence to-day is not so alert, not so
conscious of his immediate environ
ments as he was a century ago. He
does more thinking than he did then,
and greater part of his business in
life is left to the purely mechanical
brain functions.
The inventors, always step ahead
of the requirements of the times, are
already at work devising contrivances
to summon absent attention. One of
the latest of these is bracelet that
has an alarm watch attached to it. The
wearer, having an engagement at u
certain hour, sets the watch, and when
the time arrives little needle point
pricks her arm and reminds her of the
duty to be performed This is only
one of many devices for like purposes.
People want to be relieved of the
trouble of calling things to mind, and
that is one reason why there are so
many inventions employing clockwork.
At the Patent Office, in Washington,
large class of inventions is COM
prised under the head of alarms
these being machines by which per-
sons who otherwise would not think
are made to think. The average in
dividual is obliged, however unwilling
ly, to get up at certain time in the
morning. To provide for this require
ment many ingenious persons have ap-
piled their talents to the production of
contrivances for awaking people and
compelling them to arise. There is q
kind of bedstead, for example, which
holds its mattress in a frame that is re-
tanned in the normal position by Il
catch. At the proper hour the catch,
operated by clockwork mechanism,
loses its grip, and the mattress frame
becomes vertical instead of horizontal,
throwing Sleepyhead out upon the
floor.
There is another sort of bed which
lets the head of the sleepy person drop
when getting-up time arrives, one end
of the mattress frame collapsing. But
one of the queerest of the patented
methods of waking people up involves
the employment of tin pan and a
weight hung by a cord. When the
hands of clock reach certain point,
the weight is released and falls upon
the pan, making direful racket.
Another oddity is frame from which
are suspended number of corks.
During the night it is lowered gra-
dually, by cloclwork mechanism,
until at the proper hour and minute
the dangling corks begin to bob against
the nose and face of the sleeper. Of
course he wakes up. The most OBJ
yious advantage of these sleep alarms
is that they render anxiety on the part
of the sleeper unnecessary, so far as
rising is concerned. He can snooze
undisturbed by the henecessity of watch
ing himself.
To provide against accidents, a
citizen of Ashland, Wis, has invented
little apparatus that is intended to
be attached to every gas fixture in
hotel. The breath of n person who
attempts to blow out the gas tits n
delicately balanced electrode and closes
circuit, giving an alarm in the office.
Another kind of alarm, patented by
a Chicago man, notifies the house
holder of escaping gas. If you are
afraid of piclpockets, you can obtain
protection by wearing a small machine
that makes a big disturbance in case
anybody tries to put his hand into
your pocket.
Even after death you may find alarms
service. If grave robber comes
along, torpedo placed in the coffin
for that purpose will blow him to
smithereens. Supposing that the dis
turbance wakes you to life again, a
clOck-work mechanism will start a
bell to ringing, while red flag runs
up to the top of the tombstone, giving
notice that prompt resurrection is
desired. Speaking of waking up, sug-
gests mention of some odd contri-
yances for doing necessary things be-
fore getting out of bed in the morn
ing. One of these, patented by lazy
Nermonter, enables one to turn on the
draught of stove or furnace and then
turn over for supplementary snooze.
This, however, is primitive contri-
vance compared with the invention of
a resident of Providence, r. l., which
provides for the feeding of whole
stableful of live stock at daybreak.
MIR. Sleepyhead simply turns on his
pillow and jerks cord, which opens
valve in the stable and lets down the
requisite quantity of feed into a
trough.
There are quite number of inven-
tions for lighting the fire in the morn
ing without getting out of bed. They
are all operated by clockwork. The
newest and best of them is credited to
an Illinois genius A clock is set for
a certain time, and, when the proper
minute is reached, the mechanism
"throws" lever, which draws match
across piece of sandpaper and ignites
the kindling. One of the latest pa
tents is for a street lamp which has a
clockwork apparatus attached to it. AT
the correct moment for which the ma
chine is set it closes an electric circuit,