Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-01-21
Gems Of Quick Wit.
HAPPY ANSWERS WORTHY OF
PLACE IN LITERATURE.

PLACE IN LITERATURE.
MIR. Samuel Weller'S memorable
evidence at certain breach of prom
ise trial is probably recOrd'' for
the greatest number of happy an
swers in the shortest time, but there
are authenticated instances of actual
utteranCes which certainly rival
them in brilliance and appropriate-
ness. The law courts, as may be
Imagined, furnish their full quota,
but many are, perforce, unapprecia-
bic by those unacquainted with the
technicalities or the "argot" of the
forum. Still, Lambs chatting de-
scription of friends maiden brief
as the " first great cause least under
stood" is incomprehensible enough,
as is the quiet, acquiescent "That is
so, my lord" of the barristcr to
whom an irate Judge had just OBJ
served, 81 can't give you brains,
Mr.. So-andso." 81, myself, have
two small manors, my lord," said a
very ill-bred, pOmpous counsel to H.
lustrate question Of property law.
" We all know that, Mr.. KewSey,n
observed the judge with suave cour-
teSy, and a smile of delight ran
around the assembled bar. "Iook
at me, sir, and and attend to what
shall ask you," thundered q learned
counsel whose unfortunate homeli-
ness Of feature had gained him the
sobriquet of the Yelled Prophet
"This is an English court" quietly
rejOined the witness, "and YOU have
no right to impose torture before
putting the question:"
Prisoners, too have a fair proper
tlon. of " happy answers" credited
to them. or these, perhaps the best
known are that of Il man who, when
asked if he pleaded "guilty or not
guilty." replied that he couldn't say
until he had heard the evidence, and
the naive response Of the prisoner
to the usual question before the sem
tence, Have you anything to say,
prisoner, before the sentence is pro-
nounced upon you?" "It's very
kind of your honor, and if it's quite
agreeable to the court / should like
to say Good evening"" On one
occasion counsel in a certain drain
age case submitted that the plaintiffs,
the Sewage LocaliZatiOn company,
had "no locus standi' in this court :"
Heaven forbid !" was the fervent
ejaculation of the learned judge
Something akin to this was the an
swer of the judge when complaint
was made that a luckless process
server had been compelled to swal.
low the writ he had endeavored to
serve. 81 hope" said his lordship,
gravely, "that the writ was not made
returnable in this court"
The "happy answers" owing
their point to Biblical or ecclesias-
tical illusions, are still more numer-
Gus, but in many cases are too auda.
cious for print. "He is regular
st. Paul." was the final eulogy made
by an enthusiastic friend Of Ger.
tain needy clergyman whose chronic
impecuniosity had brought him into
painfully frequent familiarity with
the various processes OF the law foI
the recovery of debts. eyes," said
the bishop, whose assistance was be.
ing solicited, "quite SO. | see IN
prisons oft y" The pardonable but
iDjudicious enthusiasm of some cier.
gymen over their musical services
has given rise to many smart sayings
which are, any rate, ben trOvato.'
None, perhaps, is better than the IA
miliar one Of the eXasperated Wis
itor who, after being made to lister
i'm torment to Gregorian chants cru
ely murdered, was told that accord
ing to tradition those chants owed
their origin to King David himself
The visitor, rendered reckless by his
misery, retOrted that he had otter
wondered why Saul threw that iave
lin at the royal psalmist, but he
quite understood it now.
A careWorn divine is reported t
have said in reply to the ecstatic de
ciaration of an intending Benedic
that nothing in the world beats !
good wife," "Oh, yes, bad hus
husband often does, and vice versa y
One would like to have known the
schoolgirl who, in reply to hel
brothers jeers and inquiry, "WhS
girls should be always kissing eacl
other and men not ?" said that, o
course, it was because girls had moth
ing better to kiss and men had-bu
perhaps she studied the question toe
deeply and developed into the fail
cynic who, after season or two o.
conquests, gave it as her opinion tha
men were like colds, very easy tc
catch and very hard to get rid Of
Few better things are recorded thar
the answer of Beaconsfield to the
question of how he felt after the
change from the stormy scenes o
the commons to the serene atmos
phere of the lords. Feel |" an
swered the statesman. 81 feel a,