Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1897-01-26
HOMEMAKERS COLUMN.
Correspondence on tcpica Of interest othe hldie.
COLUMN. oxford DenoCTat. Paris. Mains.
THE rAsLE.
WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO.


WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO.
Dinner etiquette common table man.
ners; the distinction between the two is
one OF degree rather than principles.
The formal dinner Ii the GROWING form
Of social entertainment, and to ask
friend to dinner Ii the height Of compli-
ment. IL carries the assurance OF kindly
regard, Of confidence, OF appreciation,
which no other compliment quite ap-
proaches. IL has been truly said by
some one that the dinner 10 the one social
function In which the host plays as I'M
portant a part a. the hostess. His name
appears with hers on the Invitations, and
he dispenses hospitality In the same
active measure as herself.
DINNER INVITATIONS.
The invitation to dinner should be
issued far enough Ia advance OF the date
selected to give all parties the oppor'
tunity for making ample arrangements
the time depending somewhat upon the
Importance OF the event. II the gather
Ing Is to be large and ceremonlous one,
not less than two weeks notice should
be given, and three or even four weeks
IL not too much. This Il likely 70 anti
cipate other engagements, while It gives
ample time for any preparations which
may be deemed necessary. For small
and informal dinners from five TO ten
days notice Is considered sufficient.
Printed cards may be used, on which are
left blanks for the names Of the host,
hostess and guests; date, address, and
hour. These cards, ms rule, are only
Used when the dinner Is one Of cere-
mony. Invitations to small dinner par
ties are generally written, and the
friendliness Of their expression Is 10 In
verse ratio to the formality OF the enter
tainment. They are in all cases written
In the third person. In any case, wheth-
er friendly or formal, the invitation
should be answered within twenty-four
hours after Its receipt.
Dinners are unlike any other form OF
entertainment, In that IL Is OF prime I'M
portsnce TO have just the right number
Of guests, and to have them selected
with discretion. For this reason II Is
important that the hostess should have
time TO select others TO take the places
intended for any who may be unable to
accept.
While the invitations are issued In the
Joint names OF host and hostess, the lat
ter writes the note, provided the Invita-
ton IL a written one, and the answer is
addressed to her, though the hosts name
must be mentioned In accepting or de-
clining. The invitation may be sent by
post, or by the hand Of servant.
ATTENDING A DINNER.
Having accepted the invitation, be
punctusl at the hour named, and never
under any circumstances, IL 1t can posi-
bly, be avoided, arrive more than Ave or
ten minutes behind the hour indicated 10
the invitation. Nothing Is so exasperst-
ing TO an assembled company as TO be
kept waiting for some delinquent. As
soon as all the members Of the party
have assembled the way Is led to the
dining room, and 1t Ia q question to be
decided by the host whether and to what
limit there may be wait for one who Is
tardy.
The hostess gives the signal for lesv-
ing the drawing room, when each gen.
tleman will escort the lady 10 whom he
has been assigned. either by host or
hostess. He may offer to her whichever
arm will make the position Of the lady
most convenient, having reference to the
arrangement OF the apartment. II stairs
are 10 be descended, II Is better that, In
case the two cannot conveniently 20 side
BY side, the gentleman should 20 step
or two In advance, as II puts him In a
very awkard position to follow here's
pecislly should she wear trailing dress.
IN THE DINING ROOM.
On reaching the dining room, the lady
should enter first; the escort should see
her comfortably seated, and himself re-
main standing till all the ladies Of the
party have been seated. The host stands
until all of his guests are seated. In this
matter OF being seated II Is In order TO
give word Of caution In regard to the
distance from the table at which the
chair should be placed. Very many per-
sons make the mistake Of sitting too far
from the board, and find their position
decidedly awkward, though perhaps
they cannot tell just why; while their
chair is frequently In the way OF serv-
ants or others who have occasion behind
them. One should sit close to the table,
and sit erect.
SOME BITS OF DINNER ETIQUETTE.
Ii Is scarcely necessary to go over the
stereotyped list Of prohibited actions
yet there are some few violations OF
good manners that may be specified,
since their occurrence Is go common q
matter. In the first place, previous TO
being served, and In the waits between
courses, one should cit entirely at ease,
not playing with napkin, watch charm,
or any Of the table fittings or utensils.
II conversation Is In progress, good
breeding Is best served by an interested
attitude, but not by strained attention
as though fearful Of missing word
Unless the conversation Is strictly q
dialogue, any one may join, but should
do so without an appearance Of egotism.
IL there is an awkward silence, casual,
pleasant remark upon some topic OF
common interest may often serve to
break the ice.
As soon as person Is served with any
course, he should devote his attention to
the food placed before him, but above
all should avoid the appearance of
ravenous haste-no matter what may be
the condition Of his appetite. 1t Is not
required that any plate to which one has
been helped should be sent to another.
1t Is the privilege Of the host or hostess
to choose the portions which are to be
given to each guest, and the servant Is
employed for the delivery Of the viands
according to their judgment and wishes.
OF course these rules do not apply to
those extremely informal occasions
where all present are expected In large
degree to help themselves, for by the
same rule that one looks out for his own
interests, or would save pains on the
part Of his entertainers, he would
prove mindful Of the comfort and con-
venience Of all with whom he was asso-
ciated.