Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-07-30
HUMOROUS.

He-Do you have any trouble about
sleeping? Shc--Not at all. L can
scarcely keep awake now.
Edith-Do you care much for fc-
tion2 Ethel read very little ex-
cept the bargain advertisements
Diffident Loyor-I called to-to-
ask-um-er- Her Father Yes,
take her. This is my busy day. Get
out.
Lost Child Ito policemanl- Please,
sir, have you seen man without a
little boy? Cause, if you have, rs
that little boy.
Where's Bill now? Jill--Out
West. "What doing?" Raising
palms-making the tenderfeet throw
up their hands. "
Tommy why do they call
single woman spinstor? Mr.. Figg-
| guess it's because of her ability to
turn mems heads.
Mamma Now, Bobby, give nurse a
kiss aud say goodnight. Bobby-No.
If kiss her she'll box my ears, like
she did papa's last night
She-What do they mean by the
centre of gravity? He-Tell a joke
to a party of Englishmen, and that's
precisely wha. you would be.
Wheeler see they have been try
ing bicycle ambulances. Walker-I
thought these scorchers would make
something of the kind necessary.
Suburbs am not at all good
enough for you, dear. Miss Boston
Pm glad you confess it before we
were married. You're not the fellow
for me.
81 often experience a shock of dis
appointment when l get up close to
some appaaeutly beautiful woman"
Probably they feel the same way
about you.
Excited Wife-Oh, professor, the
cook has fallen and broken her collar
bone! Professor Discharge her at
once! You told her what to expect if
she broke anything more
"Now, l play the piano. Would
you say play it beautiful or play it
w Iub
would you say, them" 'Pd say you
play beautiful piano.
Julia had her husbands photograph
taken with his head stuck in news
paper" "Why did she do that?"
''She said that was the way he always
looked at ier when he was at home"
THAT young Goldplate is so fasci-
natingl" declared Laura. Hes a
man after my own heart" ''He told
me last night that he was after mine,"
replied Dorothy, with downcast eyes.
Jones-Ever formed any impress
sions of what the millennium will be
like? Smith-Yes. I've often pic
tured it to myself as happy time
when people would be allowed to let
their bills run!
Il never go TO sad play" said the
young woman who poses. 1T is al
most sure to make me cry, aud then it
is bad for my eyes. "Yes," replied
Miss Cayenne; ''and sometimes for
the complexion.
"Owl" said the cocxncy. "You
lOh AAhO ubbAnS9
"Well," she confessed, 81 cawn't
really say that dislike it, don't you
know, but | ave Railways hunler-
stood that it was armful practice. -
Mr.. Van Rentshy-That man is be-
coming fearful bore. He comes in
here every day and makes a nuisance
of bimself If he doesn't let up
will be forced to move. Caller-Who
is he? Mr.. Van Rentshy-My land
lord
THAT was a mean trick they played
ON the Human Snake at the last place
he performed" observed the Ossified
Man, cracking hickory nut with
himself He'd tied himself into a
beautiful sailors knot, and the Dwarf.
who was enyious, walked up and stuck
scarfpin into him.
''These people next door lead sort
of hand-to-mouth existence, don't
they?" said the president of the Help
ing Hand to the Worthy Poor Sewing
and Mission society. ''No, respond
ed the good dame addressed. They're
awful poor, but l guess they know
enough to handle forks properly" +"