Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1897-12-24

spends most Of his evenings here at
your houseW Duddy-T had an I'M
preston that it was my evenings that
he spends Boston Transcript.
The Judge-"Didn't tell you the last
time that you were here that wanted
to see your face in this court no more?'
Weary Watkins-"You did, yeronner,
and that is exactly wot tole the cop"
There's the bicycle face and the bicycle
back,
With its queer, altitudinous curve;
And the bicycle tongue, in the middle
hung,
And the scorcher's bicycle nerve.
Queensland Wheel.
Customer-"Do you guarantee these
porous plasters to be good for weak
backT Druggist-"Yes, sir; they are
good for week back-and for month
to come after you put them on."-Judge.
A Remarkable Woman.-Mr. McCor-
kle-"My wife has a better memory
than any other woman I know" Mr..
McCrackle-"Indeedw Mr.. McCorkle
yes; she always remembers what's
u u1upS. d uUkc.
II told her I was afraid to kiss her
while we were on the tandem for fear
we would both fall off," what did he
say" "She said she hoped I didn't
call myself an experienced wheelman."
Chicago Record.
Fuddy-''They say you have liking
for Miss Spontel." Duddy-' Nonsense!
The woman is insupportable." Fuddy
THAT'S Just it. You won't have to
support her. She's got enough for
wo."-Boston Transcript.
Gent (solicitously)-"Sir have here
some indestructib1e pieplates." Mr..
Hall Bedroome (grimly)-"Well, you
have come to the right house to sell
them. That's the sort Of pies Mrs.
Skinner gives us."-Puck.
II understand their engagement has
been broken eyes. She says she was
deceived. He had only six century runs
to his credit instead Of sixteen, and as
she had fourteen herself, he was clear
ly out of her class" Chicago Post.
Advice from the Heart.-Barrow-
THAT'S dandy wheel you have there,
old man. I'll take a little spin on 1T
some day. By the way, what kind Of
wheel do you think 1 ought to rider
Marrow-"One Of your wn."-Brook-
Ign Life.
"He is an awfully wise young man,
to have seen no more than twenty
three summers" "He may have seen
but twenty-three summers, but the
number of summer girls he has met
runs up to the hundreds" -Indianapolis
Journal.
"Seven dollars for a room and break
fast? Great Scott! man, that is awful
ly steep. And awfully high" said the
victim. eyes," admitted the summer
landlord, ut is so high and steep that
l don't see how I can come down."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
A Game Law in Itself.-Gobang-T
think I'll do quite little shooting this
summer. I wonder what the close sea-
son isl" Buckshot-"Well, in your
case, old man, / fancy If you applied to
the Legislature, they'd throw the whole
year open to you."-Truth.
'It's surprising how Impractical some
very learned men are" eyes, there's
Prof. Lingwist, for example. He spent
over half his life in acquiring fuency
in nine or ten different languages and
then went and married a wife who
never gives him chance to get word
in edgeways."-Truth.
II happened to remark little while
ago, in the presence Of Miss Billmore,
that some persons carried their fond
ness for cycling to extreme lengths. I'd
like to know what there was in that OBJ
servation to cause her to turn red and
say, 'Sirv" "Great Scott! Don't you
know? She is engaged to young BIZ
cyclist nearly six and half feet high"
Chicago Tribune.
A man had been up for an examina-
ton in scripture, had failed utterly and
the relations between him and the ex-
aminer had become somewhat strained.
The latter asked him if there were any
text in the whole Bible he could quote.
He pondered and then repeated "And
Judas went out and hanged himself"
"Is there any other verse you know In
the BibleY the examiner asked. Eyes.
Go thou and do likewise There was
solemn pause and the proceedings
Observation-Disclosures.
A gentleman had left his corner seat
in an already crowded railway car to
go in search of something to eat, leav.
ing a rug to reserve his seat. On re-
turning he found that, in spite of the
rug and the protests of his fellow pas
sengers, the seat had been usurped by
one in lady's garments. To his pro-
testations her lofty reply was: do you
know, sir, that l am one Of the direc-
tors wivesT Madam" he replied,
"wero you the directors only wife,