Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1897-04-29
Baking A BEHEMOTH.
How Justice Baldy Splicer Made Every
body Eappy but Poor Jen.

body Eappy hut Poor Jen.
"Say, jedge, can feller git married on
tick here?" asked the young bark peeler
courtroom of Baldy Slicer, Esq, justice of
the peace, OF Connubial Corners.
"Nope; not unless he PUTS up his ticker
as security fer the tick" was the disheart-
ening reply. "My jinin fees is So, invari-
ably in advance"
"Pshaw, iedge! That's hard luck"
groaned the bark peeler. Couldn't do it
fer dollar jest onct, could ye?"
"Not if ye was the Turkey sultan an
was goin to gi'me all yer trade"
"That's Lard luck, repeated the vis'
itor. "Ye see, SO is my hull pile an Jen
down in the wagon is dead sot on seein q
blood sweatin behemoth. Shc won't marry
me unless spend dollar lSlin her to the
show, an / can't marry her if do becuz
amt got no ticker to put up fer the jinin
ceremony afterward."
"Sorter between Silly an Spareribdiss,
hey?" classicalIy observed the justice.
"An don't dast tell her I'm SO nigh
broke, becuz women nowadays seems
strictly out for the stuff"
81 don't blame 'em-so'm l." said JUS
tice Splicer. "Tell her that if she'll marry
ye now yell take her to the next circus"
"I did, jedge, but she gi'me the laff.
She said she could git jined any time, but
that blood sweatin behemoths WASH COM
in her way every day, not much"
"Huh!" muttered Justice Splicer. "I've
had powerful lot of experience with mat
rimonial obstacles, but this Is the fust
time I've ever been up again blood sweat
in behemoth. She's promised to marry
ye, has she2"
Forty 'leyen times, jedge"
Stay yere, young feller, an we'll see
what we kin do fer ye"
Justice Splicer whispered few words tc
Dave Dugan, the constable, and that
worthy hurried from the room. In few
moments he returned with Jen, who was
short and plump and in futter of alarm.
Miss Jen," Justice Splicer began sol
emnly, ''it has come to the knowledge Of
the court that after sakerdly promisin tc
marry this young feller forty -'leven times
ye refuse to marry the said feller unless hi
trots out fer yer inspeckshun a blood
sweatin behemoth. Air ye guilty CT no
| guiltyp"
81 guess-<guess I'm guilty, SIR" JeI
faltered.
Breach O. promise is serious crime
a serious crime. Miss Jcn. F"
| The girl looked solemn.
| IAN the crime of duTess, to wit, holdil
blood sweatin behemoth over the head O
the said young feller, is even seriouser. !"
The girl looked more solemn.
"He could make ye lot of trouble If h
| wanted to. Yc wouldn't like to have hin
get out posse comitatus fer ye, woul'
yer"
"N-n-n-o, sir"
"Ner duces tecum, ner rus in urbe?'
"Oh, nop'
aye wouldnt t like to have constabl
huntin We with nunc dittimus er
lunatico inquirendo, would yef"
"Oh, no, no, mol"
"Then We better keep yer promise a.
marry him right now, hadn't yep'
"Y-y-yes, will sir" whimpered .Tcn.
In five minutes the ceremony WAS pei
formed, and as the door closed upon tn
happy bark peeler and his bride, Justic
Splicer turned to the constable.
''All's well as ends we'll, " he cried wit
enthusiasm. "Everybody's happy. Won
ankind's got good lesson, he's got hi
girl, his girl has got him where she ca
get even an 1.-Two got $2!''
Eyes, but how about the blood sweati
behemothP'' said the constable.
"Le's go down an see the critter, Dav'
Two dollars fer tickets an peanuts an pin
lemonade! Haw, haw, haw!''-Earle E
Eaton in Truth.