The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1897-01-26

TTCAN\N
The Major has a Bad Case of Mother-in.
Law 1T is Worse Than The Gold
STANDARD, la Grippe or Anything He
Has Yet Tackled.
R-"HelloI Mr.. Editor"
R Good morning Major. Any
news today
B-"No. I hain't got any news, aUd
if 1 had I'd be erfraId ter tell you.
I've 8 fired Death half a dozen times
over durIn' the past week"
R-"What is the trouble nowf"
B-''Pve got the worst case OF
mother in law that you ever seed an
my life u ID constant danger. Graham
Haywood once exclaimed: Give me
liberty or give me d. ath" feel like
sayin' the same thing, but I'm erfraid
ter say it out loud. Betsy's mother
hes BIN livin' with sum Ov her folks
up in Cas- veil county, but she tuck a
noebun' thai the grezin' .wUZant good
enUff up that way an Tapped down on
us last week. l wuz real glad ter see
her, fer l hadn't seen her much sipse
my courtIn' days an l thought maybe
she'd sorter help ter muz Betsy an
draw some ov her fire. But thar Il
Whar I got fooled. I imagined hat |
wuz enuf ov a pOlitishun an diplomat
ter win the ols lady's affeckshun. but
ia - - LOO 40 ?, n TSrvOn
The frs6 thing I did Wuz ter go ter
town an buy calico ter make her q
new dress. l got the purtiest piece
could iod with great big flowers a
vines awl over it. l felt sartln' that the
victory wuz won without firm ov a
quo. Did you yer see q cyclone at
wurk9 Well, I had one rite thar in
my house. She lowed that nobody
but an escaped luDatick would buy
sich a dress pattern fer a woman fifty
eight years old; that she had hearn
that me an Betsy didn't get eTloDR
we'll, an now she could see through 1t
RWl; mat | dldn' know enif ter carry
Vicera Ter a bear. ] tole her | wuz
awful eOrTy an that = she didn't let up
on M 10 commit sewaside at the first
opportunity. She lowed l orter, that
Betsy wouldn't never see q peRcs full
moment while SIGH a bloke ov a hus
band WIZ Ground the house. l didn't
wait ter hea n ignore, but struck out
fer the woods an stald out 6wl day.
When | went back that Mite B5tsy'a
mother loo ked suTpr,z9d an sorry that
Ihedn'E CCmmIGCed aeWaslde. | thought
surely Betsy would take my part, out
she dIdu'G. l soG Ground an read a pa
per after supper. After we went ter
bed | tried ter reason the matter with
Betsy. nu5 she sed she'd never turn 81.
gainst her mlCner. l tole her my cup
WUz full an ruunia' over; that I hed
servs my country at Seven Pines,
Petersburg, AppOmOtox au' forty Other
BATH f4lda, had slept on the ground
with ~raJtles0skes when the buTstin'
shells an canon balls were GearIu' Up
the ear'h awI Ground me gone through
several years Ov the gold standard and
fusion, an he'd the grip three times,
but l couldn't stand the mother IN law
plague much longer. She lowed I'd
git used ter it an wen5 ter sleep an
snored like a steamboat whistle The
ole lady wuz up brIte an early the.
mex mornin' dndin' fault with every
thing 1 n site. After CALM me aw. the
ugly names che could think Ov she
lowed [ Wuz purity nigh az mean az a
PrItchard POpulIst. I'm a member Ov
the church. but l broke several com
.nts when she sed that. l reckon
that new dress u ter blerne fey settin'
off the dynamite. but l meant well.
I'm needin' the prayers ov awl guide
people. AMI il the bad people are willin'
ter help I've no ebjecBsions. I'm too
exsIted ter talk anymore to-day. Yours
in truble Gudahvn"