The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-09
.IHART, MONTANA. JANUARY 1897
LOSING HIS GRIP.
Alkali Ike Explains Why Colonel Polk L
Not Up to Old Form.

klkali Ike Explains why Colonel Polk ID
Not Up to Old Form.
Colonel Handy Polk, the real estate
agent, is the most enterprising man In
his community, is he nott' inquired
the credulous tourist
"Waal, replied AlkaIi Ike, q promi-
nenr citizen, cautiously, mot TO draw
no comparisons, Pll say he's middlin
enterprisin, or rather used to be, for he
pears to be sorter losin his grip the last
few years.
"If that ia the case,'' returned the
tourist, II wish might have the pleas
ure of seeing him at his best, for, from
his present methods, I should not call
hiu. at all conservative. His mode of
procedure in the recent attempt to--er
--ah--transplant the county seat was
little less, it seems to me, than Napole-
onio''
The operation in question was prose
outed by gang Of radical citizens who,
having failed to bring about the re.
moval Of the county seat from Rocket
Oity to their own bailiwick by means
OF the ballot, proceeded at the dead
hour OF night to the rival hamlet, and,
headed by Colonel Polk, pried off the
side OF the courthouse, dragged out the
safe containing the county records, load
ed the same into jackson wagon, to
which were attached six half wild mules
with unshorn tails, and set out across
the scenery for home as the crow flies
1t is probable that the attempt would
have been crowned with success had not
the embezzlers of the seat of govern
ment presently begun to debate upon
the vexing question of who should ill
the various offices thus suddenly made
vacant The cavalcade first hesitated
and then stopped, and the members
thereof said unto each other, "Yea,
zeal" and "Nay, nayl'' and other things
not to be recorded here. While they
were thus energetically engaged the
men of Rocket City, who were them
selves early birds upon whom there
were no flies, came careering through
the gash in the atmosphere which had
not yet closed up behind the colonel
and his satellites and fell upon them
with ferocity and such other weapons as
were at hand, dispensing them to the
four winds, and dragged the county seat
back in triumph to Rocket City.
For clean cut, unampiguous enter
PRISE" commented the tourist, 'that
attempt stands unique, SO far as my
knowledge extends. :"
"Aw, yes." acknowledged the vera.
cious Isaac. "That was all right euouah
an might have been called enterprise
But old Handy hain't what he used to
be. Age is beginnin to tell on him, ]
reckon. He had to have help in this
operation,sbut a few years ago he alwers
estimated himself able. single handed, |
Tor anything an everything that turned
up. He believed in goin it alone an
baggin the undivided profits. When he
drops down yere, his entire stock in |
trade consists of his nerve, package
OF ordinary sewin needles an can of |
condensed milk without label. Thar
was no doctor yere then, an Handy rus
ties around an stirs up smallpox scare
that frightens everybody senseless an
then whirls In an vaccinates the whole
outfit OF as with condensed milk at $3
apiece, cash down. When it was all
over. he had capital enough to 60 into
business, an we turned in an elected him
mayor as mark of respect an admira-
eion for his enterprise. Truth.