The leader., 1897-06-16

three miles ahead.
The Time to Have Fits.
Every time | go to town here of late
hear people talkin about the big show
which is now goin on over in Tennessee.
Do you know | would love the best in
the world to see the sights of that show
IL | was already therc-if didn't have
to take no long trips gwine and comm.
But the longer live the more I want
to hang around and keep in sight OF
the home base, and the more hate to
strike a crowd and git myself into
jam-particular in hot weather when a
man needs all the fresh air he can find
and but precious few clothes.
Clean on down to my dyin day will
recollect what come to pass oncst upon
time when me and Andy Lucas took
up a notion that we mought as well &c
to Montgomery and take in the Fourth
of July jollification. 1t was a scorchin
hot day, and when we got on the rail.
road train it did look to me like every.
body and all their kinnery had took up
the same notion-that they mought us
well go to Montgomery that day and
join the jubilation. Every car was
packed and iammed and crowded to The
guards Me and Andy wedgcd our way
to the inside and then stood there
packed in with the mob like so many
sardinCs.
Now in the main time Andy bad went
ahead and tankcd up for the special oc-
l., 10
plugs of white ink" he was hotter than
a fox, to hear him tell it. He stood there
for 80 or 40 miles | reckon, steumin and
BLOWN and sweatin like free Niger on
election day But finally at last he
turned and said to nc, says he, in low
whisper:
"Rufe, if there is anything in my
feelins blamed if we haven't took the
wrong train, and instid of goin to Mont
gomery we are on our way to that on
pleasant country where they tell ME
all liars and fddlers and horse traders
go, and where they don't wear over
coats nor shovel any snow to speak of.
I'll be eternally battersmashed and
gormed up if | can stand this any
longer. Somebody will have to make
room and give me seat to set down in.
You recollect what the Good Book says
about a time for everything. 1t is my
time to have fit. ruther hate to do 1t,
Rufe, but let me tell you l jest simply
can't stand the jam. When take the fit
YOU must stay with me and make out
like il amt the first time. Scream for
1 M
on a seat as soon as you can. Now watch
EN- scatter"
Then Andy rolled his eyes way back
in his head and took on dead set gaze
for all the world like dying calf,
groaned and reeled and fell in fit.
lie was always spittin cotton, anyhow,
and ii want no trouble for him to froth
and foam at the mouth like man in the
last agonies of death, whilst every mus
Gle in his body quivered and jerked like
his time had come.
And now, white people, you never
saw such another scattcration and con-
fusionment as we hal right herewith
the screamin amongst the women and
the men stampedin with the general eNs
element. l screamed for more room
and fresh air, but by this time we had
room and fresh air plenty and to
spare.
Hits nothin but fit. ladies and
gentlemen" says I-"nothin but a tit
which he takes one every time he gifts
too hot since he got bit by a mad dog
last fall"
The mad dog part was n new wrinkle
of my own, but Andy he caught on
quick as lightnin and snapped and
snarled to beat six bits, whilst the wom-
en- broke out in q fresh place and took
another spell of scrcamin.
Before you could say scat with your
mouth open there was three or four
empty seats around, and IS or 20 diff
ferent men run to the cooler to fetch
some water. But Andy was up to snuff
and at the sight of water he set in to
yelpin and barkin and had three more
hard spasms. When the last fit wore
off l got another man to help me and
we picked up Andy and gently laid him
on a seat. Then l set down by him
and took his head in my lap. One good
lady sent me her bottle of "smellin
draps," and another kind-hearted old
soul, which had hid herself behind some
trunks in the baggage car, sent me her
turkey tail fan to fan the pore Teller"
with. So with plenty of room and fresh
air, Andy soon cooled off and settled
down and got as still and snug as a
tabby cat in the meal barrel.
"If I didn't cook that crowd TO a
cracklin then three aces wouldn't beat
two pair" says Andy, as we left the
ears. And the band played Dixie"
RUFUS SANDERS.