Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1897-10-01
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In front of usg How would you like II
trlmmed2 He (savagely)--with lawn.
mower.--Tit-Bits.
{ The Captain (boisterously)--C Come,
old man, brace up! What's got into
you? Passenger-Tf you don't put me
ashore youth very soon see,--Llfe.
Poor, motherless glrip' he exclalm-
ed, and turned sadly away. What he
wanted was a motherless girl who
should be in moderate circumstances,
at least.-Puck.
Scotch.--McSporran 1eaving homey---
Moo, Janet, dinna forget to max leetle
Sandy TAX his glass e'e oot when he's
ma lookin' at aething.- New York
Truth.
She-oh, James, how grand the sea
is. How wonderful. | do so like to
hear the roar OF the ocean. He--So
do |, Elizabeth. Please keep quiet
Lustigen Blaetter.
Cholly Ricketts, (traglcally)- Refuse
me, dearest, and shall enter Il mon.
astery and be monk. Siaude Sum.
merfiirt-Monastery. Don't you mean
a menagerleG GPuck.
Joking aside, madam, two girls
have gone insane from love OF me-
and you say you really cannot love
meT' mo, baron" Third case of In.
sanityw-F'liegende Blaetter.
Old Mlllyuns- Young man, my
daughter tells me you kissed her last
night. Perciyal Tootles-- Well, II she
wants to go Dragging about It. that's
her privileges Chicago Record.
Weary Willie-Ef you he'd million
dollars, Fields, wot would you do wit
Il? Flowery Flelds-W'y, wouldn't
do nutt'n' wit it'd jest rest easy and
let 1t do sutt'n' wit me---Truth.
Everybody seems to be on an equal.
ity In Klondike." said the shoe-clerk
boarder. YES" said the Cheerful
Idiot. "one man can cut as much Ice as
another up there. indianapolis Jour.
nal.
Mr.. Gotrox-W What would you expect
me to do for my daughter II you mar
ried her? George Goodthing (slightly
embarrassed) You-er-wouldn't be
willing to die for her, would your
Judge.
Paw" asked the little boy" "what
Is brain-worker? "a brain. work.
er," said the old man, Is n man who
has to spend all his salary in dressing
up to the position he holds. Typo.
graphical Journal.
Isaacstein--D vas a auveer ting
vot happenedt to Rosenbaum's shtore.
Dere vas burglary undt n shmall
fire der same night. Cohenstein-Y Yes;
Rosenbaum toldt me dot he came oudt
shoost even.-Puck.
Papa" said Billy, tearfully, after n
playful romp with the good-natured
but rather rough st. Bernard puppy.
Il don't believe Bingo knows what
kind of dog he is. He plays as II he
thought he was little pug."-Bazar.
Young Lady You are wonderful
master OF the piano, hear. Professor
Won Spieler '(hired for the occaslon)--I
blay aggompaniments zometImes.
Young Lady Accompaniment to
singing? Professor Won SpIeler-Ag.
compartments TO conversations. Tit.
Bits.
Mrs. Newlywed-Tha is our new
burglar-alarm-you see, II burglar
should get into the lower part OF the
house, that would ring. Her mother
Oh!-and scare him of? Mrs. Newly
wed (doubtfullyl-Well, 1t might; but
1t would give Clarence and me plenty
OF time to hide In the attic, anyway
Puck.
First Assistant dn Daily Hustler Of
fice)-It strikes me that the editor is
becoming decidedly absent minded.
Second Assistant Why do you think
so? First Assistant--W Why, In that
long article on the wonderful progress
of mankind during the reign OF Queen
Victoria, he never once mentioned the
increase in the circulation OF the Hus.
tler.--Puck.