The herald., 1897-02-12
CURRENT HUMOR

Why is the letter P the most selfish in
the alphabet? Because 1t Is the first IN
pity and the last in help.
"Oh. yes; I've heard of him. He's a
pugilist, isn't hep" " No, indeed; he
fights. Chicago Journal.
Collector can't keep coming here
every day after this bill. Landlady--
I'll rent you a room for $40 a week.
Detroit Free Press.
society to find a husband. Why do you?
The Standing Lady-To get away from
a observation-disclosures.
Cholly--It would be queer, doncher-
know, if the Theosophists were right ana
il we came to life again in some other
form. She-Yes, Cholly; some folks
might expect better luck next time
Puck.
Her Father-Penelope viii asked me
for your hand last night, and told him
l had no objections. Penelope-Why
father, that is the first Bill Of mine you
haven't objected to in long time
New York Tribune.
Watts-Does your wife believe the
stories you tell her to account for your
being out so late? Lushforth-Not she.
'How in thunder do you work it?' Il
tell her was busy getting drunk. III
dianapolis Journal.
Friend-You must have q good many
rejected jokes on hand by this time. Mr..
Scribble-Yes, indeed. In fact some Of
them have been rejected so often that
l begin to think that they are not jokes.
Puck.
Old Gent-Waiter, / want steak and
potatoes Perhaps you remember me?
1 was here yesterday. Waiter-Yes sir.
Will you have the same today? Old gent
Yes, if no one is using them.-New
York Evening World.
Boggs' Old F'riend-Great heavens, old
man! Do L find you reduced to playing
a cornet on the street corner to make a
living? Boggs-I amt doing this to
make a living. My wife won't let me
practice in the house.-Tit-Bits.
A Boys Lung Capacity.-"Henry +"
said Mrs. Woodle, II hear Willie's voice.
Won't you step to the door and tell him
l want him?" But Willie was two miles
away, disputing a point with the UNI
pire.-Rockland Tribune .
The poet enters timidly. Here are a
few verses, Mr.. Editor" he says, defer
entially. The barbarian, without look
ing up, says. busily"Please throw them
in the basket yourself. haven't time
just now."-L'Illustre de Poche.
The new order had begun to be a pret-
ty old thing when one evening she came
home to find her husband in tears "The
cook" sobbed the unhappy man, has
gone and bought a new stoveppe hat
just like mine. Detroit Tribune
II have called to apply for the position
of bill collector" said the sharp-nosed
man who stood in the doorway Il un-
derstood you wanteG one" THAT is
exactly what we want" said the busi-
ness man. "The last man we had SEEM
ed to be only bill presenter" Indian
apolis Journal.
Mrs. Gray-Mr. Soule is going to
preach tomorrow. wouldn't miss hear
ing him for anything. Mrs. Greene-Im
awfully sorry sxan't be able to CO. Mrs.
Gray (after saying good-by)-No Won
der she doesn't want to be seen in that
shabby old cape again. Mrs Greene
Got new bonnet or something, 1 sup
pose.-Boston Transcript.
isn't this awful?" said a Pine Bluff
lady to her husband. isn't what aw-
ful?" he queried. why, the Arkansas
| Gazette says that a boy was run over by
a street car and Internally injured. y
Internally, you mean" mo, mean
internally. / know what I am talking
about" After a quarrel of ten min
utes a dictionary was produced and with
| considerable trouble the Pine Bluff man
| found internal. "Therev he exclaimed
| II told you so. Internal means relat-
ing to the lower regions z "Well."
snapped his better half, and there was a
| ring of triumph in her voice, "ain't that
where the young man was intured-the
| lower regions ?''-Arkansas Gazette.