Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-11-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY,


have run into debt pretty deep" He
run into debt? He scorched."
Mrs. Flatbush-"I wonder what's
struck that dog next door? 1 haven't
heard him bark to-day" Mr.. Flat
bush-"Perhaps it was trolley"
"How do you paint sunrises? You
never saw one in your life" ''That's
no drawback. 1 paint sunsets and
then turn them upside down. De
troit Free Press.
She-"Now-listen here-the aver
age woman has a vocabulary of only
5000 words!" He-"Yes; but remem-
ber-she uses them all every day.
Detroit Free Press.
81 met your sister on the boulevard
this afternoon. She was riding your
wheel" "Wrongl You met me, rid
ing in my sisters bike suit. "-Phila-
delphia North American.
Spriggs-"Hello, old man, I'm aw-
fully glad to see you out again. I
heard that the doctors gave you up"
Bowles-"Yes, 1 guess I'd have died
if they hadn't. ."-Cleveland Leader.
'Before man is thirty he falls in
love with every pretty girl he looks
at" "Yes?" "And after he is thirty
he falls in love with every pretty girl
who looks at him. Chicago Record.
Hobbs-"We had great century
run the other day of the Scorchers'
Club. Half the members fell dead at
the end of it," Nobbs-"Wby didn't
you make it. double century, and kill
the rest?"-Hardware
"John, you ought to buy whole
barrel of -four. It's getting higher every
day" 81 know it is, Martha, and T
have been surprised that it doesn't
have more buoyant effect on your
biscuits. Chicago Tribune.
Barclay Wyckoff-"S your uncle
was eighty eight years old when he
died. Did he retain full possession Of
his faculties?" Pelham Parker-"I--
er-really couldn't say. The will
hasn't been read yet It'll Bits.
Chicago Teacher what year did
Columbus land?" Glass; No answer).
Teacher-"Come! Can't any of you
tell?" Bright Boy-'I don't remem-
Der TIL 'xact year, mum, but it was be-
fore the fire. New York Weekly
One of the surgeons of hospita!
asked an Irish help which he consid-
cred the most dangerous of the many
cases then in the hospital. "That,
sir" said Patrick, as he pointed to
case of surgical instruments. Lon
don Tit-Bits.
Mother-''How comes it that your
shirt is on rong-side-out and one
stocking missing? Have you been swim
ming?" Son-"Well, mother; if you're
going to be an investigating commit
tee, simply can't remember anything
about it. it."-Leslie's Weekly.
First Partner" "Graciousl Our
bookkeeper has taken" Second
Partner-'"Taken what?" First Part
ner-"His life." Second Partner
ooh, what relief 1 thought you
were going to say he had taken some
Of our money. "-Roxbury Gazette.
Positive. I'VE have parted for
ever" said the young man sadly.
'She is never going to even write to
me again" care you sure of that?"
asked his sympathetic friend. eyes.
She told me SO in each of her last
three letters. Washington Star.
The pupils in school were asked
to give in writing the difference be-
tween biped and quadruped. One
boy gave the following: "a biped has
two legs and a quadruped has four
legs; therefore, the difference between
biped and quadruped is two legs"
-Tit-Bits.
Talking Shop-"We had an awful
accident at our amateur theatricals,"
said the Sweet Young Thing. "Mr.
Pepperton-he is a hotel clerk-was
playing the hero, and when it was time
for him to shout 'Backr at the villain,
he clear forgot himself and shouted
'FRONT.' indianapolis Journal.
He was an inquisitive boy, much in.
terested in business methods, and had
just been reading about the New York
Stock Exchange. Father" he said,
Sin order to buy and sell stocks have
you actually got to be in Wall street?"
"Not at all, replied his father; "you
can live anywhere. In Washington,
for instance. Life.
Mrs. Weed-"Are you one of those
men who regard all widows as danger
ous?" Mr.. Green (edging away
"No, don't think they're all danger
Gus. Some of them don't become
widows until they have passed the dan.
ger point" Mrs. Weed--''I wonder
if he meant that as compliment?"--
Cleveland Leader.
"You have all sorts of pie, I see by
sign in the window" said the face.
tious customer as he went into the
bakery. "Yes, sir. What kind do
YOU want?" 81 will take magpie,
if you please" Another young woman
snickered, but the girl turned to her
promptly and said: ''Here, Berthal