Morris tribune., 1897-08-11
THE HUSBAND FOUND 1T OUT

\
Result of an Attempt Made by a Young
Wife to Keep Her Own Counsel.
Never try to deceive your hus-
band, my dear, said Mrs. Tin We'd
ding to Mrs. Bride. 1T pays even
less than getting married. =
What dreadful remark, muir
INJURED Mrs. Bride, 'tand you are
held up as model happy couple
toor'
mo, never try to deceive your
husband, continued Mrs. Tin We'd
ding with feeling Women aren't
clever at covering up things, and we
always get caught. A man with
half our sense can catch us, my dear,
even if he has to risk his life in the
effort. shall never forget the first
time tried to deceive Mr.. Tin We'd
ding. We had been married just as
long as you have. He hated to have
me use anything on my face, even
little rice powder, and at first ]
made the sacrifice. That's where ]
made my mistake. At last one day
heard of a skin tonic which, if ap-
piled every night. would make the
skin white and pink, soft, beautiful
and smooth to look at. ] was
tempted and did fall. We lived at
the hotel then, and as he worked
nights and slept days had a beau
tiful chance to try it. | bought
bottle, and the label on it looked
like poster. I thought, This will
never do. Then happy thought
came to me. I'said, I will order an
empty beer bottle and put the tonic
in that. did and went to bed after
applying a good part of it vigorous
~ with soft rag. according to
directions. It's queer, but a little
exultant feeling always comes when
one starts in to deceive another. |
imagined I was much improved the
next morning and was merry all
day. When Mr.. Tin Wedding got
up and went to the bathroom that
afternoon, he spied the beer bottle.
He called out:
Have you been ordering beer9'
No, indeedl' I answered cheer
fully.
Yes, you have, he insisted.
'Nonsensei' ! answered.
"'But here it is, he replied, point
ing to that awful bottle. Who has
been here that wanted beer? In other
words, for whom did,you order this
beer?'
81 looked, and, to my horror, the
skin tonic had worked up during the
day and had a most beautiful Ger
manlike bead on it.
6 That isn't beer, said l.
Do you dare say to my face
that isn't beera' said he, I'll drink
it and see.
g Please DON'T I pleaded, for |
declare it isn't beerl'
What is it, them he asked.
Men, you will find, my dear, are
most obstinate creatures. Suddenly
l remembered that my mother had
cautioned me not to tell my husband
every little thing, as not doing SO
would help me to maintain my indi-
viduality and at the same time re-
tain his respect, SO I began that min
ute and fatty refused to tell him
what was in the bottle.
al will soon see, he kept saying,
carefully washing and drying a thin
glass. My heart almost failed me
when saw him begin to pour, and
I was relieved to see the foam rise
up like soapsuds.
81 will see, madam, ; he repeated,
for the seventeenth time raising the
glass to his lips. He took three big
swallows, and then he jumped up
like bucking broncho and yelled
like half drunken cowboy. He
dashed the glass on the tiled floor,
and he uttered all the explosives
known to swearing mankind.
"'What was ita' he finally yelled,
shaking me.
You said it was beer, | an
swered, with a cold, calm, callous,
calculating smile, which froze on
my face, for he began to turn death |
~ pale and to stagger toward the
bedroom. l flung myself on my
knees and confessed rything, and
when / was crouching there, sob
bing as if my heart would break,
what do you think Mr.. Tin Wedding,
who recovered with astonishing
rapidity, said2 He said:
81 knew all the time that it |
wasn't beer, and knew that I would |
know what it really was. Women |
never can keep anything
Don't try to deceive your hus
band, my dear Mrs. Bride Men are
regular sleuths. New York Sun.