The Monitor-register., 1897-08-20
EASY FOR CHIMMIE.
HOW A SMART NEW YORK YOUNGSTER
GOT THE JOB.

An Office Boy Who Didn't Smoke Ciga-
rettes Was Wanted. and Every AppIi-
cants Fingers Were Closely Examined.
But the Man of Affairs Was Outwitted.
A prosperous man of affairs who has
his offices in down town .skysoraping
structure entered the building the 9TH
or day with disturbed look on his
face. Although man with full conf
dence in himself and one whose judg-
ment was considered second to no one
else's in the street, he was extremely
doubtful of the result Of the task before
him. He was in trouble because his
office boy had left him and he was
forced to engage another. The boy who
had gone had been a pretty good one as
boys go. He had bossed the boss and
run the office for about year and was
all right when he had his own way,
but one unfortunate afternoon he told
the boss that he wanted to get off, as
his brother-in-law had died and he de-
sired to go to the funeral.
81 want to go to the ball game my
SELF" said the "old man," chuckling,
as he recalled how many times that old
funeral excuse had been sprung on him
by office boys, $50 guess, James. you
will have to mind shop today"
James didn't appear at the Office next
morning, but an irate woman who said
she was his mother did, and she sound
ly berated the employer for his inhu-
manity in keeping James away from his
brother in-law's funeral.
The boss tried to explain matters by
saying that he thought James only
wanted an excuse to go to the ball game
and that he did not know there had
been death in the family, but it was
no good. The whole family branded the
old man as a brute of the deepest dye,
and James did not return to his duties.
IN consequence of this the employer
inserted an advertisement in one of the
newspapers for an office boy, and he had
CT down to the Office half an hour
alIier than usual to receive the appli-
tal.ts for the place.
There was long line of them in the
hallway i'll front of his office, and he
heard much criticism, some favorable
and some otherwise, on his general ap-
pearance as he pushed his way through
the throng. He called the boys into his
office one by one and subjected each of
them to u searching examination as to
his experience, fitness, etc. He invaria-
bly, finished up with the question, "Do
you smoke cigarettes?" The boys as in
variably declared that they did not
Never smoked one o. ther dope
sticks III me life, D." declared the first boy
called into the office.
"Didn t, eh?" replied the "old man."
Let me see your fingers. The young
ster's fingers were stained deep dirty
yellow color, and he was told he was
not wanted
OATS not cigarute stain, dat ain't,"
insisted the second boy called into the
office, Oats paint off me fader's
house. -
The excuse wouldn't work, however,
and he was ushered out, as were several
more young aspirants for office honors.
Finally a bright eyed, redheaded
youngster entered the Office and answer
ed all the questions propounded to him
in satisfactory way.
Now, my boy" came the final test
tell me truthfully, do you smoke Gig
arettes?"
What's them? Those little paper CT
gars?" answered the youth.
YES, exactly"
Nope. Never drew one uf them in
ter me lungs i'll me life," continued the
boy.
Let me see your hands.
The boy poked out chubby fist at
him. The man examined it critically,
but failed to detect the slightest evil
dence of tobacco stain.
"You re engaged" he finally said.
Bully fer you'll replied the youth.
$50 long I'll be ter work in de morn
ing =" He then went out, whistling
There's Only One Girl In the World
For Me-, and joined his anxious COM
rades in the hallway
"Youse fellers can all go home," he
said.
WHAT'S yer given us? Did yer get
der job?" piped half dozen voices.
Bet yer life, p" replied the urchin.
W Go SURPRISE
from the crowd, and finally one of the
youngsters exclaimed:
How'd yer do it, CHIMNEY? DE old
man said dat he didn't want no dope
stick smokers, an yer knows yer was de
wursest dope ficnd in der push.
"Oh, youse fellers was so slow dat
yer make me tired" replied Chimmie
i'll disguised tone of voice. Course
hit de dope sticks. but dye t'ink
wasn't cute 'nough ter keep it from de
ole man?''
Guess yer mad pull Or yer couldn't
have fooled his joblots," said one Of
the youngsters.
Easiest ting in dc world" answer
ed CHIMNEY. GAS soon as l read his ad-
vertisement in de poiper knew dat he
wus ag in dope sticks, so what does
do but soak me fingers in turpentine all
night, all i'll de morning dey wus as
clean as IL newborn babe s. New
York Tribune.