davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
a Dog Whips an Alligator.

That dog may best an alligator
appears by the experience of the Hon.
D. 3. Stuart, Of Victoria, Fla. His
dog was swimming i'll u lake there,
when Mr.. Stuart, see'r.5a u gator COM
ing, called to the dog to come ashore.
The dog started. but the alligator was
gaining, when the deg turned and
seized it. Both went down, but the
dog came up unharmed, and the ALI.
gator with hcerated lower jaw.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
PITH AND POINT.

Bingers-"And were you married
on time?" Gingers-"Oh, no; I had
to pay the parson cash. ."-Yonkers
Statesman.
''I hear she is soreduced in circum-
stances that she has gone ont to work. !"
"What cruel falsehood! She has
gone out as domestic. Detroit
Journal.
DR.. Pray-"If they smite thee on
one cheek, turn the other" Aller-
mode "That's out of date. You
mean if they pull one leg extend the
other. Truth.
Bass--"Was that baby talk your
wife was talking MS I came in?'" Fogg
-"That was mother talk. No baby /
ever saw indulged in such gibberish. J"
Boston Transcript.
Old Gent-"If I am not mistaken,
sir, saw you kiss my daughter in the
parlor last night. Freddy Flyppe-
''That's all right. sir; I'll forgive you
this time. Standard
"Your hair is always so handsomely
dressed, fraulein. You must devote a
great deal of attention to it.. eyes, I
must confess my head is my chief
weakness. Tit Bits.
Brother Tom-"Cheer up, Bobbie;
Use got good news fer yer. De doc
tor told nom it wos noomonia wot yer
sick wild an dat she dasn't give yer o
bath fer month. Judge.
Miss Yellowleaf I have had
my picture taken once year every
year of my life." Miss Youngbud-
"How did you manage before photos-
raphy was irvented?"-Puck.
Ethel-'I saw Count Hardupski
last evening" Cousin Tom--"Does
he talk as brokenly as ever?" Ethel
"My! yes. Iheard him ask pa to loan
him $40 before he left. Judge.
Teacher (angrily) = why didn't
you answer my question, Bobby"
His Brother Tommy answering for
himl-''Pleass, sir, he's got a peper-
mint in his speech. London Tit
Bits.
Bill-"And what did the old man
say when you asked for his daughter?"
Jill-"Ordered Inc to leave the house. "
"And what did you say" 81 asked
him if he took me for house-mover. "
-Ionkcrs Statesman.
Teacher conducting review in
geography)-"How is the surface OF
the earth divided?" Smart Boy
Unto one-fourth land aud three
fourths water-'ceptiu' the Chicago
River, which is about half an half. -
Chicago Tribune.
"Thst BRUTE" said the indignant
buyer, "balked for three hours the
first time took him out. "Well, "
said the seller, as he chewed q straw,
"I told You he was a horse Of wonder
ful staying ability, didn't l?'-ln-
dianapolis Journal.
George Pugsley called on me last
evening" "That little fellow who
shutters? Why, he's stupid. mot
bit of it. He entertained us for
more than on hour "How?" Try
Jug to name the Sandwich Islands. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
The Jubilee of Ra,neses.

A jubilee for long reign is not new
in the worlds history. When in the
year B. C. 1888 Rameses II. had
reisned for sixty-seven years mag
nifcent general rejoicing took place
with great pomp OH the banks OF the
Nile. On the rocks at Silsilis there IS
n full account of these festivities which
were on very grand scale, and 1t IS
recorded that certain high state Off
cicls traversed the country from north
to south in order to make the necessary
preparations.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
J,ur;al for Ten Cents.

Kansas City, Mo-, recent y asked for
bids for burying tllcpauper dead. This
week the bids were opened, and it was
found that all undertaken, c. J. Car
roll, had bid the surprisingly small
sum of ten cents for each burial. The
next higher was ninety-seven cents.
Carroll says that the collapse OF the
Coffin Trust will enable him to carry
out his agreement.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Somewhat One.Sided.

1t does seem inconsistent to keep
Cinnamon out of this country, wise as
that may be, and take in Hawaii with
it's lepers, its so, 900 coolies and sys-
tenn of government that gives only
5000 of it's 100000 inhabitants the
right to vote, paying S4,000,000 for
the privilege and assuming the debts
of the country. Really, ought not the
money mentioned to come from the
other side?-Judge.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR.
LAUcHTER.PRoVoKINc STORIES FOR
LOVERS OF FUN.

Responsible For It-Transparent Thick
ness-Al Fresco Privileges-Ti'ne For
Him to Go-The Only One-A Born
Finuncier-A Man of His Word. Etc.
Cook cracks our china, chips our glass,
And will bet dime
She is tho parsonage who made
The famous nick OF Time.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Batily Swindled.

"I'll have the law OH Jobbins, il
there is any way to do so, said the
senior partner.
"What has Jobbins done3" asked
the placid ianitor.
'Trhe internal scoundrel has mixed
so much sand with that last lot of clay
that we can't make mustard of it at all. 5"
Indianapolis Journal.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Hnryard,s IGndoMments.

During the last twenty-eight years
Harvard University has received cash
gifts amounting to 81, ,s39, 703.5s. Add
ing to this the value Of land gifts and
buildings, the whole foots up to So
2O9, 7O3. 3s, or an average Of s32S,9lS
n year. If the benefactions OF Har-
ward continue in the Same proportion
during the next twenty-five years, the
institution will hold property in excess
of $40, 900, ,99O:-tarvard Graduates
Magazine.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Mhnt HO Was Good For.

"Why do they keep that old man
around Lere?" inquired tho porter's
friend, superciliously, observing m
aged individual in shirt sleeves, who
sat scribbling at desk.
"What's he good for?"
Good for about $1,000, 900, you
chump," replied Dennis, scornfully.
s'That's the old man.
And such are the eccentricities OF
our language that the friend under
stood without more words.-Washing-
ton Times.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Doen ISorinC,

The deepest hole yet bored in the
cnrth runs G5T1 feet below the surface
oil the soil. This is at Rybrick, i'll
upper Silesia. An interesting feature
was the record of temperature taken.
At the surface it was $50 degrees. At
6571 feet it reached 157 degrees. Fair.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Snmninnt I.enaon

'I understand their engagement has
been broken ~
Eyes. She says she was deceived.
He had only six century runs to his
credit instead of sixteen, and MS she
had fourteen herself he was clearly
out of her class. Chicago Post.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
cr,n,linr with Difficulties.

Caldy-"Have you played much
golf, yst?"
Links-"Oh, dear, no! I expect
to be ready to play in another year.
This year am giving to e study OF the
things YOU Use in the game. boston
Transcript.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Wpll Qualified.

sWhat makes You think Smoothly
IS an experienced fsherman?'
because he is one Of the most
natural aud artistic liars I have ever
had the pleasure of meeting. DE
troit Free Press.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
A Enrn EinnncicI..

Dawkins-"If you he'd all the money,
Bill, you could possibly ever desire,
what would You do with it?"
Kilsam--"Do with it? Why, I'd
invest it somewhere where it would
double itself. boston Transcript.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Getting Out OF Danger.

"Well-well-it is sad to see pedes-
trianism waning into a lost art. "
''Lost art! Not much; since the
advent of wheels and trolley cars the
human race is twice as nimble as 1t
used 10 be-"
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
He Pleads.

Justice-You admit taking the
wheel?
Prisoner-Yes, your honor but
butt was the same make your honor
rides.
Justice-What has that to do with
the case?
Prisoner-Your honor will under
stand what temptation it was to a
man who knows that it is the best
make in the market.-Puck.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
a Man Of His Word.

-"This time I shall have to
owe You my rent.
Landlady-::That is what you said
the last time.
Stulent-"Well, didn't I keep my
worl?" Blaetter.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
uSl;In,nlinr.'

:Sluinming' in the East End OF
London has been revived as fashion
able amusement, and the arrangements
for personally conducted trips are man
aged by al agency
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Too Omsh.

Bacon-;'Have you seen Sprocket
lately?"
Egbert-"No.
"He's sight. Face all cut, arm in
sling and walks lame.
"How did he do it, on his BIZ
cycle?"
"No; if he could have stayed on the
bicycle he'd have been all right. -
Yonkers Statesman.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
A Fiye.Act Tragedy.

I.-Jones poisons his wife's cat.
u.-He processes deep sorrow at its
disappearance.
III.-He offers a s10 reward for its
recovery.
Iy..Numerous animals are brought
for inspection.
V.-Mrs. Jones identifies one
Pick -Me-Up.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
The EetOrt Sufficient.

"Well, little chap" said the stranger
in the family, picking up one of the
children, "what are you going to be
when you're man?''
''Nufin'," said the child.
"Nothing? Why so?" asked the
stranger.
Because, said the child, I'm a
little girl. Fun.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
The Only One.

SIS there an instance on record
where a circle has been squared?"
ooh, yes; I've heard of man get
ting an all-roun', square meal at
times. Cincinnati Commercial
bune,
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Proof of Her Value.

"Woman," said the lecturer, "is
pure gold"
eyes" interrupted thoughtful
man in rear seat; "moneJ talks. -
Puck.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Phenomenal.

The Author (proudly)-"I wrote
that dialect story in two months. F"
Penelope -"That's nothing. I read
it in six. Truth.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Use Gentlcness.

iIe gentle in stimulating the kidneys, other
wise you will excite and weaken them. The
nappies. results follow the use of liossetter S
stomach Ditters TO overcome renal Inactivity
Avoid tho unmcdIcated, fiery stimulants OF
commerce. The kidneys have delicate mem
brnne easily irritated and upon this the nciion
nj such cxcitants is pernicious. Malarial COM
plants. indigestion. rheumatism, neuralgia
and btliousness succurnb TO the corrective inuu-
ence OF the Bittcrs.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Cure Corns With Physic.

Might as we'll try that rs to attempt the euro
OF Tctter. Eczema. Ringworm and other crtan-
eous affections with blood medicine. Tettcrine
is the only absolutely safe AMI certain remedy.
With f. cure Is sure. It's an ointment 80 cents
at druggists or by mail for SOC. in stamps from
j. T Shuptrinc, savannah Ga.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
The Question of the Hour.

Lecturer-The entire history Of the
world has moved in circles.
Sprocket-What make?-Philadel-
phia North American.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Wariline Him OF.

Tolliver-"Can You let me have SO
for week, old man?"
Duero--"What weak old man?'-
Harlem Life.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
AL Fresco Privileges.

':I like those street pianos" j"
''Strange taste! Why?"
':I can run away from them. Chi
cago Record.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Time For IIin, 10 Go.

Hc-"Do YOU have any trouble
about sleeping?"
She-''Not at all. [ can scarcely
keep awake now. Detroit Free
Press
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18
Transparent Thickness.

s'They ere not very thick, then?"
"No; I fancy they see through each
other"
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18

Fits permanently cured. No fits or nervous.
ness after first days use of DR.. kline's Groat
Nerve Isrstorcr 81 trial bottle and treatise free.
DE. x. II. KLINE Ltd. 93t Arch ST., Phila., Pa.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for chtldron
ieethinc softens the gums. reduces innalnma-
,icr. nlinys pnin cures wind cole. BIC. bottle:
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18

have found Piso's Cure for Consumption an
unfailing nedicine.-F. X. LOTT, l3o1 scott ot.'
CoyIngton, Ky, Oct. l, 1894.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18

W II. Griffin. jackson. Michigan. writes:
s.SufTered with Catarrh for fifteen years. lialls s
Catarrh Cure cured me-" Sold by Drug
CistS 15c.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18

\ coed conscience is much better than big
bank account.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18

The aeronau, is always a man of high posi-
+in
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1897-08-18

Bill-"And what did the old man
say when you asked for his daughter?"
Jill-"Ordered Inc to leave the house. !"
"And what did you say?'' 81 asked
him if he took me for a house-mover.
N-..l-o,, ca oto,,,,op
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1897-02-10
moRGANrowN PEOPLE
Are opposedto the New County OF Augusta
Cal II Territorial Steal.

Are OpposedtO the New County OF Augusta.
Cal IT. Territorial Steal.
To the Editor of the Register.
Morgantown. w Va. February O.
The citizens of MOrgantown and Monon-
gala county, irrespective of party, are
bitterly opposed to the formation of the
new proposed county of Augusta, which
the Warrington people are working for,
and which would, contrary to the con-
stitution of the State, reduce the size
of MOnOngalia county by taking a slice
off Of the richest part Of the county.
Judge John Marshall Hagans of the
Circuit Court, and one of the most
prominent Republicans in the State,
said that, IF the members of the Leg
islature passed such a bill they would
simply be committing perjury, as the
land books show that Monongalia now
has but 265 square miles, and the con-
stitution expressly forbids the taking
of any territory from a county that will
reduce it below 400 square miles"
Judge Hagans has served in Congress
from this district, and was a leading
member of the Legislature, and his
opinion can not but carry weight. He
further said:
mo party that ignores the constitu-
ton can remain in power for more than
one term, and it should not.
Monongalia gives an immense Re-
publican majority, but Republican poll
ticians here make no bones of saying
that the party will be hopelessly split
if this bill gees through. There is not
a man in this vicinity who is not OPP
posed to the new county first, last and
all the time, and they have deluged
Senator Fast with letters urging him to
fight the territory steal to the bitter
end. The Republicans are more bitter
IL opposed to the bill than the Demo
Gratis. The assertion that the new
county would be Republican carries no
influence with it, as they see sure de-
feat in the next election if the bill
passes. The Democrats are opposed to
the bill because they do not want to
be robbed of the territory proposed to
be taken, and they place the value OF
the land above partisan gains that the
steal would assure to the Democratic
party. MONONGALIA.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1897-02-10

citizens OF Mingo junction Eavo- aiding
the junction Iron n steel Co.
Special 90 the Register.
SteUbenville, o.. February 9.-The in
itiatory move i'm the matter of Mingo
Junction furnishing a free site to the
Junction Iron and Steel Company, on
which two new finishing mills are TO
be built was taken last night by the
Council of that town. The finishing
mills may now be said TO be a sure go.
They are needed 90 consume the pro-
duct Of the steel plant.
Council passed O resolution declaring
it necessary TO issue bonds i'm the sum
of $4,000 for the purpose of purchas-
ing land for the Junction Company on
which 90 build the new mills.
The matter viii be acted on March l..
lit was given out here tonight that
the contemplated Improvement at Min
go viii DE more extensive than eN-
peCted. The two finishing mills will
likely be an eighteen-iuch mill; also q
sheet mill for rolling for corrugated
sheets or tin plate and tin mill may
be erected. It is said a structural iron
mill viii be erected. The Mingo OH
Gals were az the Brilliant. mill to-day
looking around. it is said with an id2a
Of leasing.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1897-02-10
SCOTT NOT SURE.
0HlO ana Missouri Candidates for His
Fiae9 are Causing Alarm---The Ohio
Mans Record.

special 90 the REGISTER
81, AS shlnston, February Some of
e-e west Virginia RepubIicans here are
s.O1 OFer-conhdent about Hon. n. b..
ScoI1 getting the Commissionership of
internal Revenue under Mckinley.
- are not SO much afraid of the
kentucky candidate for tho rIaco as
80 are 81 The Ohio and Missouri candi-
$50 ne Ohio man they regard as
W. ,,seS1 formidable. He is Mr.. Geo. 49,.
!" lison, who is now and has been for
ears tne Deputy Commissioner of In
S SSLnai revenue. SO complete is Mr.
W Ason S knowledge of the affairs of the
service that although a Republican. he
mas oeen retained throughout this adj
lUini 1ration. Besides This. Mr.. Will
son Is a personal friend of President
slec1 mckinley, and is said 10 have the
endorsement of Senator Sherman. Gen.
CCitC.SFeher, and nearly all the other
C"lo Republicans iu Congress for the
posi- OF internal Revenue Commissioner.
WIN this backing it can be seen the
trends OF Mr.. Scott have cause for their
SeaI tnaJ the Ohio man viii prove too
~. lhloaOle lor the West Vi~ginian.
ne missouri candidate for the place
Is Congressman John p. Tracey. a mem
Der OF the present House who failed Of
reelection. 1lr. Tracey will have back
ing not only from the Republicans of
ms own State. but from other States i'm
the West and Southwest. lie already
mas the Endorsement of @ large number
OF members OF Congress from ali parts
Of the country.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1897-02-10
A WRONG VIEW.
Free Consultation and Reason
able Charges the Secret or
Dr.. Smiths Success.

In the short time that DR.. Charles Lin
coin Smith has been in our city he has
gained the confidence and good will OF our
wealthiest citizens and leading business
men. who have been under his skillful
treatment. Many people have therefore
seemingly gained the erroneous impression
that his charges are far beyond thelr
means. and as a consequence have refrain
ed from visiting him when they really re-
quire the services that he alone can rem
der.
DR.. Smith desires it expressly understood
that his charges are within the reach OF
all The laboring man. mechanic. clerk,
merchant, banker, or minister of the Cos
pei are equally liable 10 defective vision
and the doctors patients are from every
walk of life. If you are suffering from any
of the symptoms which indicate that your
eyes require attention. such as burning
dizziness, neuralgia headache. spots be-
fore the eyes. Inflammation, granulation
winking, trembling spells, cataract. burn
ing and smartlng of the eyes. various
nervous and brain affections, entailing not
only positive injury to the sight, but I'M
told misery, remember that it costs you
nothing to gain Dr. Smiths opinion. Con-
sultation is free to every one, and you can
be advised exactly as to what is wrong
and what the glasses necessary to correct
the detection will cost
DR.. Smith urgently requests that all who
are suffering in the least degree from i'm
paired vision or its consequent ailments,
come to his rooms and enjoy the privileges
Of a free consultation. There is absolutely
no charge until you are satisfied that he
can render you the necessary service and
it is guaranteed that the charge will be in
keeping with your purse.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1897-02-10

and even Greater Fairmont" Is not ac-
counted for All surveyors will attest 10
the fact that Old farm surveys overruh'
some as much as one-third. Now. word
about the official maps The legislature
in 1868 passed a law requiring surveys 10
be made by all the counties and files OF
same to be made in the office Of the Secre-
tary of State There is record OF snch
survey. but only such as entitled the sur
veyors for the county of Marion TO their
pay for said work. The "nameless clu-
zen of Fairmont says: In 1869 the Board
of Supervisors of Marion county, under
act of the Legislature. made an official
survey of Marion county" With all re-
spect to the man who made the survey,
IL can be proven that he was several miles
south of the lie between Marion and
Mononga,ia when he passed Flat Run. of
this county and we can prove that but
little attention was paid to following the
lines between counties; and instead of be-
ing made by order of the Legislature,
which act was passed in 1868. and said act
naming a commissioner to conduct such
surveys. and not the County Board Of Su-
pervisors. was made for the sole purpose Of
made i'm 1868 as before mentioned. Every
Old citizen of Fairmont knows that the
map made by Mr.. Merrill was not highly
priced. or it would not have been lost. 1t
perhaps could be found among the ruins Of
the Court House Of Marion county, which
was so Unceremouously disposed Of re-
Gently.
Again. an authentic history of Marion
county. published by G. a. Huntington,
now of the Intelligencer. gives the area
of Marion county as coo square miles.
And while the Baltimore 6 Ohio railroad
does not run the full length Of the county,
the main line has 4Hs miles of track in
said county. We are Long John" you
see, even if we are small.
The Secretary of State says he has no
official map Of Monongalia and never had.
And Marion has no official map as au-
| thorized by the act Of 1859.
The copy of Mr. Merrirs map, on which
great stress is placed. and which shows
| 30rs square miles. contains no courses
and distances. and also no scale is given.
: The same procedure as We have taken was
followed by the people of AIingo county.
Why did the people who are weeping
. ""v"l tl4N pLeSNltt SliHllcl hiti, use up tutu
i'm defense of the law? No: IL the fairness
of some of the offices we've not nterfered
with. the Court House ring would be as
dumb as an oyster. 10 is aii a matter of
selfshness. and is not looked q. from a
business point of view. The people Of
Fairmont are shedding tears about the
rap on the counties crom which the
/ proposed county is TO be FORMED, and at
the same time are pushing a bill at this
session to take in the town of Palatine
as part Of Fairmont witt out their vote
or consent.
First east the meat out Of thine own eye
and then thou canst see clearly TO cast the
beam out Of thy brothers eye
L. X. MARCIIAND