New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-01-13

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smith versus the Chicago City Railway
company was on trial, says the Chicago
Times Herald. a pompous and preten-
tious doctor was placed on the stand by
the plaintiff, He described the injuries
sustained BY the plaintiff as permanent
and employed large number of5long
medical terms, concluding with the state
ment that the plaintiff legs were afro
phied and that..this condition Of atrophy
resulted from the fall the plaintiff sus-
tanned. .3
In the cross-examinationA "a. s. Trude,
the defendants attorney, asked the wit
ness ifsuch physical condition had ever
arisen in his practice.
..No," replied the pompous medical,
'.but have read of number in the med
ical books" 81
: carey you familiar with medical author
ities?" the witness was asked.
Eyes, sir; all o. them" replied the
witness with an ali Of great wisdom.
'sIs Prof. Grey well-known author
ity, and do your views and his coincide?"
eyes, sir, perfectly"
''Doctor, have you read Lived?'
Thoroughly
"Can you point out any page in
elther?"
"No, both are large books, and l
haven't the time.''
.''Doctor, will you swear you ever saw
a book EDITED by Lived?"
"Why, certainly ..s ].
sSpell for the court Lived backward"
At this the judge and jury and people
craned their necks, wondering at the
meaning of such procedure. -
"'D-e-v-i !" slowly spelled the witness.
+ SNOW. if the court please, if the wit
ness will find such an author as Lived
[ will give up the case and allow "a ver-
dict for the full amount sued tor 5y. the
plaintiff" continued Mr.. Trudc.
The jury and spectators broke gu: in
laughter, while the pompous medical
sexpert' resembled punctured balloon.
: A very conservative and serious mind
ed member of the house of commons re-
Gently arose in his place and, speaking
urgently against certain radical meas
ures contemplated, said:
'.Since I came into the house, four
years ago, the confidence of the public
III it has been much diminished -
And he was too deeply in earnest to
understand the laughter that followed.
Horse dealer--"I warrant this horse
sound and kind" Possible buyer-"H Show
about speed?' 'speed! Well, I'll tell
you. Old man Grimes died the other
day; died rich, you know, and it was un-
derstood that his will was to be read at
the house after the, funeral was over.
Well, sir, was out on the road with
this horse that day, and hang me if
didn't beat the Grimes family back from
the &c metery:''
The justice leaned oveA the desk and
eyed the prisoner sharply, for Ire prided
himself on being judge Of human ma
ture.
II suppose you work." he said at last
sarcastically.
Everyone said the prisoner. tersely.
'Exccpt me- corrected the Judge,
feeling that his position entitled him to
last throw in the game of repartee.
And he was so pleased with his own
success as a humorist that he made the
fine only SIS and costs.
The late Lord Bowen, besides being
great judge, was also a great wit, and.
many interesting bonmols ofhls are be-
ing recalled just now. On the. occasion
of the queens jubilee the judges were
drawing up an address to the queen.
'.Conscious as we are Of our shortcom-
ines,'' ran the address. ssConscious as
We are Of one another's shortcomings
suggested Lord Bowen.