The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-02-18

vuius.-Rex.
He-what is your favorite book? She
The "Autocar' at the Breakfast Table.
Corn Cob.
l. Scene-A country village through
which a travelling circus Is going; the
housekeeper of the village doctor watch
ing the procession. When she saw an
elephant she rushed into the doctor
study, where / was. and exclaimed: oh
sir, where's its head. as il has a tail at
both ends?' Overheard on a golf links
A player, having played a good round
was elated, and, when a9out 70 drive
onlookers, who he thought We're in the
way, but really were not, shouted out in
a very loud, pompous voice; Fore" and
ground one foot behind the ball and sent
the head of his driver flying twenty
yards. His caddy was heard 10 say in a
low tone, and six" Uore and six equals
As 6d-the price of a new club).-Dunlace.
l. Group of Anglo-Indians, discussing a
crocodile shoot: First Sportsman think
that crocodile / shot just now was the
most emancipated beast 1 ever saw"
(Roars of laughter from the others.) First
Sportsman-O, well, YOU know what 1
mean-enunciated. =. S.-Needless to say
he meant emaciated. =. Overheard at an
Anglo-Indian dinner party: Mr.. Mala-
prop-l hear the Maharini and her reve-
nue. are camping on the river bank to-
night. Friend-Her what, dear boy? Mr..
Malaprop-O, well, her suit If YOU like it
better. dts all the same. 3 Two Anglo
Indians, discussing the homeward voyage:
Mr.. Jones-Well, | shall stick to the "P.
q o. They always do you well. Mr..
Brown want to see what other lines
are like. i think / shall go in a Menagerie
boat this time.-India.
The hen-house is found to be infested
by rats, who gnaw their way through the
wooden flooring. The HANDY man" is
sir, he says to his master, Its my belief
wen never get rid of them rats until we
gets that there hen-house consecrated'
(concreted).-Mona.
A celebrated doctor once misaid his
sounding instrument. One of his female
servants timidly approached the house.
Keeper with the wDrdS: The doctor wants
his stereoscope. Looking contemporary
at the ignorant one, the elderly lady
pompously, exclaimed: Il presume-you-
eh-mean his stethoscope, the former be-
ing now an obsolid instrument!'-Loch
earn.
l. My gardeners wife remarked that l
door owing to the excavations (excayar
uons) that were going on the drive. 2 A
lady once remarked In my hearing on the
great felicities Qacilities) that there were
for travelling at the present day. g. MY
COOK, on beng asked how she had en-
Joyed concert, replied very much, il it
MES. )-Eclipse
l.. An old parochial, fond of quoting
scripture, observed. who the Lord loves
he chaseS. All! and he has chased me-" 2
An old servant on being sent to the doctor
with message, returned, saying: Please
miss, the position (physician) says as how
scription prescription all ng.'-Jonah.
!: Patient calls at his doctors house,
not knowing he is away, having left
loeum tenens. Patient--'sMaster in2" Maid
No. sir: but the local demon is" 2
Lady canVasser, to poor wOman-"tel
Mrs. Short, l hope your husband Is going
husband has always been a "Conserva-
tory 8. Mistress to maid, on new
ledger. Mistress-"The new gentleman in
No. 4 seems very nice and orderly in his
onr'-Etona.
/. Woman from the lodge (who has
come up to the house to see lady dressed
for a balD-"O. ma ami what a most elo
quent dressr' 2. Lady-"Well, Janet, and
how is your mother to-day?' Janet1s;sNot
at all well, thank you mum. She suffers so
much from nervous ability, and now She
got the brownkiddies (bronchitis), and
please, mum, she thought that maybe
you'd like this bunch of nasty-urchins
nasturtuims) for your dinner-table. =
Meg. e3e
Scene, hunting box near Melton: Mis-
tress, to small boy--"George, go out and
see where the meet is to-day" Boy returns
- Please. mum, l have been up and down
the village, and can't see the butcher or
the meat anywhere. e. Hames.
l. person i'm my district told me her
son in India had been i'll with the eccen-
trio (enteric) fever and ammonia pneu-
monia). 2. Another case ) heard of was
of para-legsis and the apocalypse tapo-
plexy). 3. A poor woman said her old
father could not last long as immortality
(mortiication) had already set ip.z~Poly-
4 lady informed the writer that she
liked her new house because there was no
opposition. 1t subsequently turned out
that she meant that there were no houses
opposite to obstruct the view. Inc same
lady informed the writer that she ielt
sure that Mr.. A. B. could not be rich,
because she heard he had 'sbill of fare"
on his furnture.-ISca.
well Mrs. e., and how did the land
= hos a %
'aThey couldn't settle it between EN- at
all and so they had TO call IN a Vam-
pire!"-Lady Alicia
l. Dean Of Sadchester's wife, to butler,
who had been sent TO the cathedral to
find his master-'Did you find your mas
ter alone, james, @Atler- ''No, IN, he
was walking about wl(h the virgin" (ver-
ger). q Lady visitor 70 cottage hospital,
to patient in bed, reading-"Are you tond
of reading, Robinson?' 20, yes, miss. II
you don't read, i makes you ieei dke
ity (nonentityr 3. Doctor, to patient in
work houses infirmary-"H long have
you had this pain. Mrs Binns s,,,. %, a
nured dnureD to it.N-Wlllis. 81,
INV sight is getting so weak, said
dear old lady TO me recently tnat sa,s
good optimst about It, though OF course,
a poor old octagon like me cannot expect
her Coptic nerves to be what they once
The following "maIapropisms' were fire.
auently used by my fathers butler: Bar
tholomew biscuits for Bath oliver bis
c,iits :" Australian gargle" for 'astrin-
gent gargle" and "Frederica's water for
ssFreidricshall water."-Mit.
District Visitor-Well, Mrs. Jones, and
how is your husband to-day2 better, ]
hope. Mrs. Jones--Well, ma'am, he don't
do well, thank you; you see, i don't mat
ter what he eats, he cant register (digesD |
his food Hobble-de-hoy bridegroom, re- |
heating after priest in marriage service
I-according to Gods holy ordinance; and |
thereto i fight thee my coat (phght thee |
nv troth). Sunday-school child, reading |
thus saith the prophet Eliza Cssaias).-
A Young lady visiting in Yorkshire once |
remarked that Bishop Boyd Carpenter |
must be a clever man, as he had been ap- /
pointed Bantam" Lecturer at OXFORD
c. r. I. j.
mart OF Devon, reached only Dy coach or /
char-a-banc, ! spoke TO an old lady or the |
invasion Of these sOhtudes |
nv the railway Never have l seed no |
train. she said, 'and / hope / never |
shall" "There's coaches every week, ana |
thew do say that 'cherubims' goes from |
k to E. reglar." -Ripon.
-"Pagtor Tom Spurgeon Of the Metro
politan tabernacle says the London |
News. took his little son 20 witness the |