The times., 1897-11-07
NOTES OF THE DAY.


Chicago hae II Judge who is a Solomon.
That is much better than being Jonah.
though some7Jadges are a little OF both.
This Judge, has ever, was all Wise. Chicago
is very Cosmopolitan city; and II any real
ist wants 20 Write story about tue over
Of i'abel Just after the builders began TO
talk in different Iangua ges, he can go to
the Windy City andlive awhile and thatis
all the czpericnceEhe will need. Among
the inha 6iJants OF Chicago are Some Huns,
and two of them got into fight one day
and one pcufed scalding water over the
other and nearly skinned him in places
When the judge found out the iactS in the
case he decreed that the offending culprit
siodld either go To prison or let the doctors
skin him SO far as was necessary FOR the
eXiGencics OF the case, so that his victim
might have patches put on his epidermis
without making any friends and relatives
suffer for him and offer themselves hero
ically, and have their pictures in the
newspapers. Which thing the offender
did has not yet been discovered, bat the idea
has some poetic justice in it. II might be
followed IN sonle other cases. There are
Some men who would stop to think before
pounding anybody, even wife OF a small
boy did they know that tney themselves
would suffer an exact duplicate Of the
punishment.
There Iaay not be a divinity which shapes
our ends, 50 long as tue modern boot and
shoe Cor tinue to be made on the pattern
that they are. but there seems to have been
| some sort of divinity which shaped the
names of our original thirteen States Re
| a..
velop the fact that several colonies did not
receive the names W hich We're intended for
| them by the taste OF their early days, and
| somehow or other the luck of the thing W as
extraordinary. Maryland, for example. Was
to have been called Crescentia, which is
about as bad as the .Enwiscolia,'' which
was receaty urged by some well-meaning,
| but woully-bI aimed people as a name 10:
! Great Britain. Charles the First was the
instrument of Providence in this case, He
called the State-Terra MaTiae in honor of
his wife. and the Americans, who did not
love Latin very much, translated it and
made / Mar Wand Pennsylvania was to
have been New Wales a good name 70 pro-
nOGnce, and not ct all appropriate, since the
| State was peopled very largely by Reformed
| Dutch aud Quakers. But the crowning in
| fanny 0f all was to have been perpctrated ia
Michigan. a part of the region Of the
Northwest was to have been dubbed Micai-
| gania- unpardonable friIls for a stern In
| dian namelike that-and some moreof that
territory IN and about the Great Lakes was
to be loaded down with the cognomen OF
! Cherstnesas. Imagine Speaker Reed recog-
| nizlng the gentleman from CherSonesusP'
o ye gods and old Greeksl
They haze had quite little circus in
Waco. Tex. There is d small, smutty
paper there. called the Iconoclast, the
best part of which is it's name The
editor Of this paper and Anthony Coustock
should be introduced To each other 1t
might be thci means Of ridding the world
OF both OF them. for the air would most
certainly be filled with fur, and yowls,
and expressions Of antipathy during their
| acquaintance: TheTexas gentlena n spends
bis time viiifving people he doesn't like.
and sooner or later most OF his acqua int
auCes are Included in this catalogue He
does not Lestate at using any sort Of
scurrilGus ana insulting expression toward
those whom he wishes to defame. aud
innocent writer's and takers whom he
never saw, and who never heard OF him
or tried to fiITt hiIu, come in for a share
OF lis garbage barrel. His paper resembles
nothing SO much as the stage OF the
traditional harT- stortling company after
the audience sfas ceased 10 throw deceased
cats and Old 7ecreT'if eggs, aud inchoate
sauerkrauJ at the actors. There never
was such stage, OF course, but there is
such a paper as Mr.. Brann's. But after
he had gone on sometime IN his free and
joyous way, Ike bad little boy sitting
on his fathers porch and pelting the
passersby with mud, he threw Just one
mud tan TOO many. He uudertooS to use
his barroom and variety show langua ge
on some young lady students at the uni
versity in that town, and the university
toys g5t after him and tied lin and
hauled him up to the campus, and made
him sign 4 ratraction. Then he retracted
the retraction, and then the college DO =.
got after him again, and gave him
severe thrashing. 1t is impossible for ont
who has ever seen a copy OF tht
Iconoclast to feel very sorry for this per
son. he needed Il lesson He is now in
the position OF the bad little boy above
referred to, when he has thrown mud at a
little girls Sunday frook, and her big
brother has come along and chastised the
young imp with shingIe. The freedom
OF the press is all very well, and there Is
nothing that this land can less afford Il
do without, but there are men here and
there :, no need To be taught that they must
not abuse this freedom. 1t is wen to
speak the truth; TO say seathing things aEou
those who deserve them, but when a nar
! makes a practice of consistently abusing
e~erybody and everything outside his ma
tive town, and some people in that town
in words which are appropriate only to the
loafers Of a low harroom, he needs to be
made to behave himself. And when h.
publicly prints insinuations and vulgar
hints about the girl students of univer
sity, one cannot blame the young men
who know these girls for teaching him z
behave. There are some men who car
only understand the language of the ash
and he is one. He has advocated public
whippings for people he did not like, IL
that paper OF his. He ROW has persona
experience OF this treatment.
There are people who, Ike the small boy
who lad Just begun TO study Latin, are very
fond of dragging in foreign words in then
conversation. Sometimes the nnfortunat
/ foreign phrase is marshaled on the scene by
the scruff of its neck, so to speak, and the
effect is painful Some times it is merely