Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-08-21
EASAEsISas ST.
-

rier lies Flats. This.
Ethel--Do you believe in palmstry?
Mabel-oh. it's all right for a starter,
IL the follows shy.-Bazar.
Dora-lle said there was one thing
about me he didn't like. Cora-What
was thati Another mans ARM
Life
Almost any man will admit that
he's liable TO make mistakes" Yes;
except when he makes them."-Chica.
20 Journal
The Major-No. sab! I don't believe
you ever tasted such wine as this! The
Young Curate-ls it-er-something
rew?-Puck.
Your wife bought these cigars.
didn't she:" Yes. How did you
guess IT." They're in such a pretty
box."-.Iugend.
You protest that you love me. En-.
lily. but ! am still waiting for the first
kiss" Well. why do you wait?"-Flie-
gende Blaettor.
AN allowance Is something like a
bicycle" How sor" "a man can put
his wife OH Il. but lie can't make her
stay on it."-Ex.
Freddie. why did you drop the baby
On the iioor?" We'll. I heard everybody
say 1t was n bouncing baby and want
I'll TO see II bouncc."-Punch.
.'Aiadge Is always out of money"
How does that happenI' "Shc can't
resist buying every new kind of peck.
ctbook she sees."--Chicago Record.
Ethel-Did you ever run across a real
smart man in your Ufe? Penelope-No,
indeed: such men jump very quickly
when they hear bicycle-bcll.-Judge.
What the man said: "Oh. yes. lie.
,ightfui weather" What he wanted to
say: "Blanke,y blank! binnkety blank!
blank! blank! blank"-Boston Tran.
script.
ut takes my wife three days to go
10 a picnic" "lIow's that?" "She
takes a day to get ready. n day TO go
and day 10 get over it."--Chicago
Record.
Primus-Didn't Mr.. Goodman say
that Col. Bluegrass had become II pro.
hibitionist? Sccundus-Yes. and now
the colonel Is suing him for libel
Yale Record.
Il have here n neat and pretty little
lettcr.opener." began the agent. 80
have I nj home" said the business
man. sadly: Il ain married. Cincln.
natl Tribune.
The iiusbani-Ilavc you any invsi.
be wells! The Salcslady-Ycs, sir. II
IL impossible TO see them. The Illus.
band-I'd like to look at somc.--Son.
kers Statesman.
Il got even with Nobbs for talking
10 mo so much about his Diseases
What did you do" ~ sent his nd.
dress TO every patent medicine firm In
the countly."-Ey.
"Graclous. Jack. what immense shir,
studs you wear 'Weli, you know
how buttonholcs act. I'm going to keep
up with them if II takes dinner
plate. Record.
MISREPRESENTATION woman, you
have broken my heart! Miss Wheeler
Oh don't think II IL rs bad as tnat
Nothing worse than a small puncture
Indianapolis Journal.
rs your flying machine SUGGEST
"Unquestionably," replied the er,husi
asst. Have you made n trip with it?'
NO. but I've sold several shares Of
stock. Washington Star.
Mothcr-Now, Johnny. are you tell
Ing me the truth? Johnny-If amt
why do you want to make me tell an
other lie by asking me such a question
as that?-Boston Transcript.
what are the weather Indication
to-day" asked the thin man. "RaiD
to n certainty: circus In town." said til,
thick man. without looking at thu bu
reau's report.-Cincinpati Tribune.
ale Is a very poor judge of human
nature" remarked Miss Cayenne
,houghtfuliy. what leads you 70 tia
conclusion" "IIe has such goot
opinion of himself" Star
She-And you say there were thie
teen at the table? He--Just. "One o.
the party is sure to die before the year,
out" "Oh. guess not! Y0u sec. W,
are all oiticeholders. "-Yonkcrs States
man.
W. ell, there Is Oue tU.us W D' lI'u'
Of: we have no class prejudices In THU
country" II guess you were neve
around when three or four sophomore
got hold OF q freshman. "-Indlanapoli
Journal.
Il don't know why the papers shoul'
speak so harshly Of Gen. Weyler. Thu
dispatches say he was at the head o
his troops at the last BATTLE Yes
Which way We're they go!nGT-Cleve
aud Plaindealer.
1T must be awful TO be broke ava.
OUT West" Il didn't find 1t so. hat
pretty good suit Of clothes, so pre-
tended TO be wanting TO invest in rea
estate. Nothing was too good for me.
Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. De Withers ION the way from
churchill think, my dear, DIR. Long
winds sermon was very finished Of
fort. Mr.. De Withers-It was, but d.
YOU know was afraid 1t never woul'
be.-Plttsburg Dispatch.
Who says I'm out?" shouted tn
ball tosser. Il do" replied the umpire
well. I'd rather have an unprejudice'
opinion as TO that" remarked the slul
ger, and then the kick began.-Phila
aelphla North American.
NJ. a c..