Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1897-11-30


Di.-DEowSEp"
passed through Instead Of waiting
wife and dinner. carpetless floor, soft
soap puddl.s and the furniture stacked
in pyramids greeted him.
"Has ther. leen frei" he meekly
inquired Of the servant as he deposited
his parcels in the coal scuttle. which
had been converted iuto corner orna.
ment for the martelpiece.
"No, SIR" replied the usually neat
girl. who appeared 10 be In an awful
state Of rags aud soapsuds.
Visited by an oarthquake?" he calm
ly asked. lifting a bar Of soap, lot OF
bread and n wet diShcloih of the crown
OF his best silk hat aud smoothing IL on
his coat sleeve.
''Sure the missus Is house cleaning.
sur. A." observed the help. waving drip
ping scrubbing brush madly to and fro
on the door.
The wife Of his tosom entered at that
moment disguised with n patch Of stove
black on her fair cheek. her nose fiery
red from the cold. n pillowcasc worn
as turban, badly torn dress festooned
about her and her feet incased in pair
Of Wadso's arctic overshoes-
"Good gracious, Maria, what's the
natter" he exclaimed. glancing from
his badly damaged hat TO his disreputa-
BILE looking matrimonial partner.
"why, I'm spring house cleaning and
have got all the carpets mp and out In
the back yard for you to beat this even.
ing. " she replied In an exultant voice,
"and I'm so glad you're back to help
Annie and me move the stove" F"
"Don't you think. love-" he said
gloomily, lit would be better 70 hire =
man to come in the morning and beat
them? r.
"NonsoIse! won't have a strange
man here. You can just as well shake
them as not" she interrupted. briskly
brushing his sIs sealskin gloves Of the
top Of the sewing machine into . soft
soap puddle.
when will dinner be ready!" be
asked despondently as he rescued his
gauntlets and wiped them dry with his
pocket handkerchief.
'Oh, had 10 let the fire ont to black
the range. II you're hungry. Ill get
you something to eat," she replied.
leading the way into the kitchen.
where, after fishing up an ironing blan-
ket. the family cat. sun bonnet and
some clothespins out Of the wash boiler.
q week old mutton bone and some cold
buckwheat cakes were discovered, the
table spread ON the corner Of the man
telpiece and dinner announced o. ready.
Wadso groaned in spirit at the very
sight Of the unsavory viands. and his
appetite vanished like boy . kite when
the string breaks.
"Now. il you're through, let's move
the stove" said Mrs. W. after allowing
him IL seconds to worry the mutton
bone in.
Wadso rolled up his sleeves, mounted
the kitchen table and gave wronch at
the pipe hard enough, to haul an anchor
out of the mud The next moment the
table had turned back somersault, he
had peeled the skin of his shins and
knuckles by falling over the stove. and
his wife was stamping around with
tears in her eyes and about q peck Of
sOOt poured over her fuce.
"There! knew you'd do itw scream
ed Mrs. w., looking as il she was black.
ed for negro minstrel performance.
Wadso made no reply, his attention
being divided Just then between his
lacerated shins and broken window
through which he had driven the end OF
that internal stovepipe.
lyon did 1t OH purpose, believe, :"
sobbed his sOoty wife, wiping her face
with her petticoat.
Wadso said nothing, tut tugged away
at the pipe. and. after knocking down a
bird cage. upsetting glass lamp, ruin
ing his clothes and nearly jamming the
eye out of Annie. who was passing, suc-
ceedei in getting into his garden. He
did not return just then, but spent the
next two hours tbrashing dirty carpets
with q broom handle, choking and
binding himself with dust, raising
blisters OH bis hands. bumps on his
bead and such a quantity Of profanity
ains ON his conscience that bottles Of
iiniment and weeks Of piety will scarce.
" effect cure. When he did 90 In, it
was with the face Of o chimney sweep,
muscles aching. hands smarting, shins
paining, eyes watering and temper
soured to such an extent that even the
seductive charms Of the cold mutton
bone dished up again for his supper
failed entirely to restore him to good
humor.
Mrs. W. retired early. worn out with
the duties Of the day, and Wadso, hav-
ing added up his grocer's and butchers
books waahed himself at the kitchen
sink with yellow soap. looked up the
house, extinguished the gas and went
sadly, sorely and hungrily 70 bed.
"Curse itr,.he exclaimed - he fell
over the rocking chair on entering the
Pitch dark room and was kicked In the
ear with the rocker. "Oh. heavensi
what noise you're makins" screamed
bis wife from the bed. why In thun-
dsr didn't you leave things where they
belongr" he yelled a. he tried TO get ont
Il the clutches Of the kicking. nounder-
Ing chair.
"It'syour own stupid awkwardneAT
ahe said.
"It's yoar oonfounded upssting" re-
torted Wadso. getting up On his feet and
sitting down In the place where tho bed
used to stand.
"Mercy on mel What TIE dickens is
| thisfs' be yelled upon finding the bed
eone, and be wildly elutched at table