Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1897-01-22
A NAVAL YARN
OF Gan archaeological ImpossIbiIity.

remain in the navy, can never set sail
without suffering from that disease. Snch
a man was Captain Hardy Lee, o. s. N.
So long as he was a watch officer, with
definite and regular duties to perform, he
compelled himself to go through his daily
routine, no matter how badly he might
feel, and in the course of a week or so af-
ter starting on a voyage he would usually
succeed in conqueripg his weakness But
when he reached command rank, where his
functions were purely supervisory and he
lacked the incentive of emulation, he spent
most of his time at sea in his bunk, bewail-
ing the hard fate that had made a sailor of
him, and laying plans to secure double
allowance of shore duty at the end of his
cruise. He rarely appeared on deck save
in dead Gains, or in severe stress of wealth
err, when he dragged himself forth, look
ing like a seasick ghost and astonished
those of the crew who had never seen him
in a like emergency with the able seaman
ship which he displayed.
He commanded the old sloop-ofwar Tam
pa on cruise which she made to the South
Pacific about twenty years ago. He had
orders to stop at Apia to pick up party of
scientists who had been making some in
designations in Samoa for the Smithsonian
Institution and to convey them to Panama,
so that they could take the Pacific mail
steamer at Aspinwall for New York.
After passing through the Strait of Ma
gellan the Tampa bowled along at lively
gait that kept the captain closely confined
to his cabin A number of alba'ross fol-
lowed the ship for several days, as is their
custom for the sake of what the cooks
throw overheard.
The junior officers were a specially live
ly crowd, and their ringleader was Ensign
Mayne Brace, more generally known by
his nickname of "Splcer." Time hung
heavily on their hands in the fine weather
the Tampa was meeting, and the man who
could devise some new thing to do was
hailed as benefactor. One day, as Splicer
was experimenting some painting that the
executive officer had ordered done about
the poop-dt ok; he found himself paying
more attention to the great tireless birds
that followed in the vessels wake, and
wondering how it would be possible to inn
prove by art their natural scheme of deco
ration. Suddenly he was seized with an
inspiration, and sent an apprentice boy be-
low for a stout fish-line and piece of pork.
Tying the line about the pork, he threw it
overheard. Almost instantly one of the
albatross pounced upon it and swallowed it,
whereupon Splicer with the assistance of
some of his brother officers who had gath
cred to see the fun, hailed the bird aboard
Directing the others to hold the tapping
wings and the wriggling head, he took a
brush from the painter and drew a large
pair of spectacles on the albatross; then
cutting the fsh-line off close to the bird s
mouth, he let it go. The albatross found
cred clumsily about in the air for a few
l. q. &hn,, ,l,r
took up its fight again in the wake of the
Tampa The birds ridiculous appearance
was greeted with shouts of laughter by
Splicer's associates, who insisted that the
entire flock should be similarly decorated,
and in the course of the afternoon the task
was accomplished, though with some diff
Guilty, as the birds grew more wary with
each new capture.
For two days the grotesque birds were a
source of intense amusement to officers
and crew. Then the novelty began to
wear off, and by the end of the week the
bespectacled creatures had ceased to attract
attention.
Then the Tampa ran into a dead calm.
The sails tapped idly against the masts.
The sea was like glass. The captain emerg-
ed from the cabin, looking a little peaked,
but the incarnation of official dignity.
The vessel proceeded under her auxiliary
steam-power, and the albatross still kept
up their unceasing pursuit. Suddenly the
captain observed them for the first time
He looked at them earnestly for few mo-
ments, rubbed his eyes and looked at them
again; then turning to the quartermaster,
he asked for the glass and scanned them
closely for several midutes.
''Mr. Brace, he asked at last of that of
ficer, who happened to be standing near,
'have you noticed anything peculiar about
those birds ?"
"Why, no, sir" said Splicer "they seem
to act very much as albatross usually do. y
mo, but their markings" explained the
captain. 81 never saw albatross so curl
ously marked in my life-and l have made
many voyages, " he added, with groan.
sob, you refer to those rather odd
streaks about the eyes" exclaimed Splicer
Eyes, sir, my attention has been called to
them"
Attention has been called to them!
shouted the captain. You don't mean to
say that you had to wait for somebody tc
show them to you! It's the most remarka-
BILE whimsicality of nature | ever witness
ed. It's inexplicable, sir. If | hal seen
one bird so marked / should have set il
dOW IL uS u tuouo HutuIHJ DuO q mall a uOL'
en-! Cad, sir, it's astounding-as
tell you!"
eyes, sir, | believe the species is very
rare" said Splicer, who could not resist
the impulse to carry the joke to the bitter
end. ''Of course, he continued, calling q
vivid imagination into play, 1--WE studied
all about them at the academy, and l learn
ed then that they were seldom met with
nowadays 1t is said that on account of
the superstitious feelings of the sailors il
has been impossible to secure a specimen
for any of our museums. DiOmeded spec
tdculdtG, l believe the species is called, OF
specialized albatross, from fancied resem
blance of their markings to pair of eye
glasses"
"Fancied resemblance" roared the cap
tain. "Egad sir, the land-lubber who wrote
that textbook never saw the bird, then
Why, damme, | had to take the glass tc
persuade myself they weren't adjustable
l tell you, the ignorance of these closet nat
uralists is disgusting. Very different, in
deed, from the methods of my friend
Prof. Hunter, whom you'll meet at Apia.
He goes all over the world himself, and de
scribes what he sees. Cad, sir, I'll secure
one of these very birds and present it t.
him, and he can put it in his book and gel
it right! Fancied resemblance, indeed
Why, it's exact, even to the piece that goes
over the nose!,'
When Splicer perceived the direction il
which his jest had steered his commanding
officer, he began to fear that it might &C
as boomerang on himself. If the captain
should get near enough to one of the alba
tross to perceive that he had been hoaxed
it would go hard with the junior watcl
officer of the Tampa.
81 am afraid it would be impossible tc
shoot one of those birds sir" he inter