Daily camera., 1897-08-05
THE DAILY CAMERA.
A GLAD PROSPECT.
When Nations VIII Wage War In
Gentlemanly Way.

Derringer Dan laid down the publica-
ton which chance had thrown in his
way, and gazed pensively afar. He was
so oblivious to his surroundings that en-
invitation to rel shments passed Who'll
ly unnoticed. 1t was the resentment
occasioned by his seeming discourtesy
that brought him to earth again. His
apologies were profuse.
at wouldn't of occurred" he ex-
planned, "ef 1 hadn't of happened to git
literary. I've heard it said that literary
folks is always absent-minded, an sence
my brain drawed bead on that article
l kin understand what makes 'em So"
'It must have been a powerful fas-
cinatin' yarn" commented Piute Pete.
"'Twasn't no yarn whatsoever" was
! the reply. "It was the truth"
"What was it about?'
"War."
"Tve got no use fur it, exclaimed
Three Finger Sam. 'Ofcourse, serciety
hez got ter be protected. Gettln' the
dots on a man for horse stealln' an
hitchin' him to tree SOS he won't wan
der around and do it no more is i'lsti-
fable proceedin'. But war is promi.s'
c'ous an brutal. This thing > blazin'
away at somebody ye never was even in
terduced to is, to say the least OF IT.
downright onsociable.'
"The trouble is" said Derringer Dan
"that us eellers was born too soon
There amt any doubt that war, as i'rac-
ticed up to the present time, is mighty
!ow-down coyote; game o gettin' the
drop on total stranger. But clvlllza'
ton is advancin', an in the course Q
time it'll be jes' as purity a sport as fare
bank or draw poker. The scheme, as ii
now stands, is to see which side kin dc
the most KILN. AM as soon aa one gen
eral gifts convinced that the other felle1
kin slav more people than he XII, com
mon sense compeis him to lay down ano
wait fur another DEAL
That's one O the most rchoi&liy de
scriptions 1 ever hcard,' remarked
Broncho Bob, admiringly.
These here inventors has, accord
in to that article, set themselves tc
work to improve the implements OF bat
tie, so there won't be no chance O
escape when they once git in motion an
no limit to their capacity
Seems to me that's goin' ter make
war wuss'n ever observed Rattlesnakt
Pete.
That's what I thought. But the ar
ticle says as how it's goin' to result II
maxim war so deadly that nobody l
have anything to do with it.
Its fairy story said Pinte Pete
positively. Its easy enough to whit
tie few chips off lead pencil an 81
down IN fgger them things ont. Bu
I'll bet nnythin' I've got thet there's
goin' to be misunderstanding betweer
different branches of the human ract
right along to the end O time"
-''No one says there won't be. Bu'
they'll be settled in a more gentleman,
way. As fur as l kin make out, tn,
battle of the future will be kerrled OF
in something like this fashion: The
opposin' forces will hustle around an
pervide themselves weth all the de
structive engines they kin lay hands
on"
won't there be no soldiers"
Certain. Let's 'spose, fur instance
thet the United States has a war wetl
Spain. The two generals gifts together
an the United States general he puts
certain number of men into the field
Then the Spanish general he has tel
ler play tune on the cornet an sasha7
out to bring an equal number of mel
into the field, remarkin', as is Gus
tomary on such occasions: L call yer
Or. if he hez the grit, he kin bring ou
a still greater number of men, in which
event he will say: I see ye an rails
ye,' or words to that effeck. Finally /
comes to showdown, an the Unitet
States general says: What We got:
| The Spanish general, who, like as not
| has been bluffin', looks worried, an
says: 4 amt got nothin' but pair c
| 16-inch guns, with cellulose armor OF
the side I've got that beat easy say
| the United States general. I've go
three Hotchkiss guns an two torped
| boats Then the Spanish general mere
ly says: That's good an turns owe
| ez much of his army as he happened t
| risk ON the deal, an goes off to rails
| another stake. OF course, it'll take som
| time to regulate the exact value of tn
hands and readjust the rules SOS t
| make 'em fit the occasions as they com
| up. But it's goin' to be mighty fin
game, and l only wisht could sit int
| Washington Star.