The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1897-11-04
HE WAS SURPRISED
Remarkable Growth of Uncle Dooiov's
Squnshes.

squnshes.
Uncle Dooley is one as never lets
on he's surprised at nothing. NO mat
ter what yer tell him he teks 1t az
carmly as IL It was "uthin' out o the
common. don't / e a man 20 act
like that. / think IL S mean. When !
tell anybody serr izing tale l eN-
pecks 'em to be as,oaished. | cXpecks
EN- to say, BLESS mel" or Law sakea
alive!" or you don't say!' A peisod
as says nuthin' I've not use fer, said a
rural narrator to The Mail.
Uncle Doo!ey says it's w.mmin' as
does that there. 'Taint often I'm put
out by him, cause I've found him cut
But some o. the boys cant abide hln.
When they told him his aunts house
was aiire all he said was he reckonci
1t 'ud ha' to burn" And when sam
Thomas's COW died he on'ey said he
ieckoned Sam 'ud ha' to get another.
don't call that bein neighOorly, let
acne actin like gentleman.
You could tell he was a bit conceitcd
from his acting Ike that there. No
body but a man as thought deal ot
hisself 'ud do thing like that.
Bu;. my stars! we've surprised him
this week. The boys planned ii weeks
ago.
You see. Unc'e Dooley prides his5cf
On getting up some big vegerIablc mar
rers for the exhibition. lie thinks he
can grow EN- better nor anybody else,
and I'm ready to allow as he does Srow
some big uns. We'll, we'd pass his
Place ard look over the fence and Say
they was gettin' big as usual, and We
supposed he'd get the first prize again
and such like. And he'd look ina;
kinder sour rs thougn he dain't care
whether they did or not That was all
his artfulness, for he was Dustin with
pride inside.
But. my stars what serprize the
boys gin him.
These marrers wos most awful big
They lay among their leaves like
pumpkins more than marrers. Liquid
manure was what he used, | reckon.
Anyhow, they was twice as big as any
body eses.
But. lawks, Pride must have fall!
How wei them boys managed 1t! 1t
was Tim Jenkins as put EN- up TO It,
Tim is at an electric works In the city
and came home for weeks holiday.
1t was him as done It. What d he do
but get six small dynamite cartridges
and bore holes with u centre bit in the
six biggest marrers. Iinen he put in
the cartridges and connecks 'em with
a lectric wire as reached to the tother
side of Uncle Dooley's big garding.
Well, the word was passed around and
hall the village was looking over his
fencN hat evening.
"Myl they're big 'uns," says one.
"Uncle's sure o. the prize this year."
Gays another.
Il cant tell how he does It," says
third.
Al. the time Uncle Dooley was max
in as though he was tired of hearing
these remarks passed. lie smoked his
pipe and looked horty. II was nuts
to him to hear the nay6ours pra.sing
his marrcrs.
There must la been sixteen of us
looking over his fence when, bang!
went ,hc first cartridge. Tim Jenkins
had connected the switch and it act
ed like q charm.
"Helio!" says one. why, they're
busting themselyes, Uncle Docley."
Ones 10 matter says he; I've
had 'em that way afore."
Which was 4 downright lie.
The words was 70 sooner outen his
mouth than, bang! went the second
cartridge, and blew another big marrer
TO smithereens.
Good gracious, Uncle Doo!ey! what
the dooce is the matter with your mar.
rcls"' | yells.
Just / bit overripe," he says, calm
ly.
But when No. 3, 1. 8 and went oil
in quick succession, | can tell you J
never saw habbergaStedness grow on a
mans face like it grew on Uncle Doo-
ley's. Him keeping 1t back so long.
when it did TEX him it did him up. ne
last two marrers was the biggest, and
they few all to pieces with a report
like a cannon. One o the pieces hit
Uncle Dooley plump on the nose. HIS
eyes was nearly Starting outen his
head. Talk about serprize! After
looking like luny for half a Sec
ond he reeled over and fell fat on his
face in fainting fit.
Yes. ! rather reckon he was SER
priced for wunst. P'caps he'll be Bit
more agreeable now.
OF course we loosed his collar and
doused his head with cold water. But
pleased was not the word for our feel
in's. We was simply delighted,-To-