Peninsula enterprise. [volume] (Accomac, Va.) 1881-1965, 1897-07-10
JOSHED ALL NATIONS.
THE Ex-klNe OF TIE FAKIRs TELLS
HOW TO MAKE A LIVING.

HOW TO MAKE A LIVING.
/ Hich After Having Done Only Four Days
Work In Thirty Ycars-How He Got His
Nickname-Corn Salve For Russians and
Perrumcd Beans For Frcnchmcn.
! Tick Lowrdes, the ex-king of the
fakirs. having become rich, left off trav-
cling on his tiftieth birthday, married
Young wife and settled down i'll Phila-
delphia, because I was born there, y
he SAYS in explanation of this strange
thing, land | believe man ought to
give the town he was born i'll show. "
For nearly 70 years Lowndes, circum-
navigating the globe II times, beamed
upon the worlds population through
his Moses p. Handy whiskers, and, in
his own words, "joshcd 'em all, white,
black, rcd brown and yellow. into
providing for his luxurious existence
and for his eventual wealth. He got his
nickname of Tick from the solid gold
watches he used to sell TO countrymen
for the nominal sum of two bits.
Maybe you think they won't go,
he would bawl, holding up one of his
watches when purchasers were back
ward. "That' s where you re way off.
Listen to this one tick" And he would
initiate the ticking of 4 watch with his
mouth so that the sound could be easily
heard bv those on the outer limits of
the crowd around his torch illuminated
carriage. Success and seniority gave
him the title king of the fakirs, by
which he was known until his retire
ment
., 1 often hear no account chaps talk
ing about how hard it is TO get along in
this world" said Lowndcs when no
was here. 'They make me weary. Tho
world is easy-easy" swapping his
fingers as if the subject was too silly to
talk about. when was Il small boy,
playing marbles and shiny and peg
top, | looked about me and saw all
hands breaking their necks trying to
earn lving-struggling, sweating,
worrying, working like the devil, every
one of EN-.
''lt was positively painful for me to
watch EN-, although Twas only in knee
breecheS. l made up my mind right
then that had Il heap too big capaci-
" for fun to wear myself out working,
and determined to make the world my
oyster. Well, I've been nibbling on the
oyster ever since, and the only work
Won could call work that ever did was
four days of coal heaving down i'll the
stokehole Of japanese steamer Oh
which was stowaway. How's that
for a record-only four days work III
so years. Don't look it::''
Tick did look it. He was Il perambu-
laJing jewelers. shop. Diamonds gilt
tered all over him-not the sort of dia.
monds he used TO put into his Pandora
envelopes twas acknowledged that he
looked prosperous all right.
Nov you'll be astonished, but the
worst Jaws l ever struck anywhere i'll
the world are the Russians. l think l
sold about five tons of axle grease corn
salve for ruble an ounce box on one
trip through southern Russia. All the
men IL Russia have corns. They all wear
heavy cowhide boots = the ordinary
folks, mean-which suppose accounts
for it. I felt almost ashamed the way
those Russian folks fell over each other
TO buy my ordinary axle grease of conf
merce for their corns, and the worst Of
it was that in the larger towns, where
staid for three OF four days, the yaps
that had bought the stuff Oh the first
day of my arrival came to me before l
left and told me gratefully that the
grease had entirely cured their corns.
Why, 1 WAS regarded as public bene-
factor throughout the whole Russian
empire.
Il found the French pretty easy ones,
too, especially in the smaller towns.
The first time I hit France l was sell
ing West Indian perfumed beans They
were the ordinary American beans that
they don't know how to cook in Bos-
ton, despite all this talk of Boston as
the town of beans. I dyed the beans
blue ard soaked 'cm over night i'll CO.
/ logne. l used Mexican yaquero's make
up on this trip and sold the beans a
dozen for il franc, with Il long spell
bind about the perfume lasting for / 900
wears and so on. 1t was like finding
money, this bean fake in France.
"All of the South Americans from
Panama TO Patagonia, are pretty easy to
gold brick. All over South America l
sold thousands Of gallons of whitening
tonic to make the half breeds white. l
made it of nights as went along out of
any old thing that wasn't harmful
| dandelion roots, wild cherry bark and
such stuff. The governments got after
me finally fer it, though, and that s
the reason the half breeds of South
America are still reddish i'll color.
Their governments wouldn't let 'em buy
enough Of ry Whitening stuff, you see.
The Mexicans'll buy anything.
You may rot Eelicve it, but l sold thou
sands Of dollars worth of common bar
soap for removing grease spots on one
trip down there, notwithstanding the
fact that the duds Worn by the people
who bought the soap were as much on
the G string order as the law of the land
would permit l sold 'em safety razors
that cost me a quarter each wholesale
for 50, which WAS about us low down
as ever l played it, as any man who
ever used safety razor will admit
Il would have made Il million out of
the natives Of the FIJI islands If the
jealous white residents down there had
not chokcd ne off. As it was, cleaned
up good bit Of money Oh the scheme
l traded oil blue spcctacles with the FL
lis for cochineal Cochineal at that time
was about worth its weight i'll silver.
The Fijis went crazy over my stock OF
goggles, and had several Of the island
ers gathering cochincal for me until the
consuls hunted me out
Il was cooking up II scheme to sell
the Kaffirs some stuff to straightcn their
kinky wool and make it look like the
white mans hair, bat the white people
down there wouldn't stand it, although
there was millions in it. Washington