davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
Not So Funny, After All.

The misfortunes of others are filled with
irresistible humor in many cases, particu-
larly in the more trifling acts of every day.
To see a man sit on his own stiff hat Is
relished with keen enjoyment by every
other man in sight. If another man finds
that the crush has come in reality to his
own headgear after laughing wildly at tho
supposed hard luck of his friend, then the
situation is thousand times funnier.
A young man with this human trait
strongly developed swung down Washing
ton street at a sharp pace. He carried his
macintosh flung over his arm. AT the
crossing of Fifth avenue there was rattle
of coin, and shower of nickels and dimes
rained on the pavement from some I'M
known region. No one was more aston
ished than the young man, and he stopped
with great interest and watched passers
eye the scattered currency askance, ana
then shyly, as in fear of a trick. FINALLY
all of the pieces had been picked up by
small boys and other sensible pedestrians,
and still there was no trace Of the source.
The curious young man enjoyed the incl
dent and the study of human nature that
it afforded and had got about two blocks
farther on his way when his face length
ened instantly as he exclaimed, by Jove,
that change fell out of my macintosh
pocketr'-Chicago Times.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
GoTHAM's wHIskINe CABLES.
Ne trust TO BE Placed In Equilibrium
When a Curve Is Struck

There Is generally fun In whiskinp
around the Fourteenth street curves on
inc broadway cable cars-that Is to say.
there Is fun for the knowing, who have
learned by experience to brace themselves
VOL beforehand. There are generally some
persons In crowded car who are taken
unawares and are made to do the most
ridiculous things.
IL Is no uncommon thing to see n man
standing III the passage suddenly precipi
tated into the arms of the lady sitting in
'front.' of him as the car whisks around the
first curve, and then, when lie rises to
apologize, as suddenly pumped down in
the lap of tho lady behind him as the car
makes the second curve.
This is rubbing it in. The unfortunate
man now has apologies to make on both
sides of the car, and while he is recovering
himself for this double duty, meantime
rescuing his hat from the floor and blush
ing like schoolgirl, the car makes a
sharp tilt at Fifteenth street, and, like
enough, sends him to his knees on the
floor.
Great Jupiter" exclaimed an elderly
man recently after such an experience,
'the American public is indeed long suf-
fering'
Sometimes, when a car is greatly crowd
ed and the passage is full of standing
men, the sudden curves create no end OF
excitement. and now and then somebody
gets little hurt.
There was an amusing incident the
other day. Two gentlemen entered the
car from opposite doors, and both reached
the only vacant seat at the same time
The car was just starting from Four
tenth street northward.
sit down., said No. 1, bowling.
mo; you sit down, )" replied No. 2, not
to be outdone in polteness.
"No; beg of you take the seat. You got
here first, " said No. /.
mo, no." began No. 2, but just ther
the car took the curve, and No. was pre-
cipitated with great violence into the seat
You have earned your seat, laughed
| No. 2.
II have indeed" was the rueful reply
The gripmen say they have to make al
curves at full speed, as otherwise they ar,
in danger of losing the cable.-New Yorl
| Herald.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
BLEW IN THE WRONG PIPE.
A Lesson For the Boy Which Failed OF
Its Purpose.


81 have sworn off being public edu-
Gator" said an up town citizen
"My grocers boy has a habit of whis-
Ting up through the speaking tube in our
fat in way that is deafening. The
shrieks that come through the whistle end
of the tube are blood curdling. The other
day l determined to give him a lesson,
and, after he had had his usual morning S
fun with my nerves, called him up stairs.
II showed him the whistle. He didn {
appear to know what was at that end of
the pipe and apparently thought that when
he blew he started off an alarm clock or
something of that kind
I" Il will go down to the cellar, told
him, and blow just as you blow. will
show you what horrible noise it makes.
You stand with your ear to the whistler
~ went down stairs determined to give
him lesson that he would remember un
til his dying day. l filled my lungs and
blew and blew and blew until / was red in
the face. Just as was preparing for an
other series of blasts and wondering what
the boys tympanum was like l was yank
ed away from the pipe, and my next doc
neighbor, who evidently imagined that
was surreptitious peddler, said-well
never mind what he said. L had bcei
blowing through the wrong el"-Nev
York Commercial.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
Ancient Medical Proverbs.

The Yorkshire folk have a proverbial
observation to this effect: Quickly TODD
and quickly go, quickly will thy mother
have moe" and this has given rise to lot
of learned discussion, for there seems to
be doubt as to whether TODD" means
"toothed'' or "to God, the former being
the Interpretation commonly accepted.
Others insist that "tho carly breeding OF
teeth is sign of short life'' in spite of
the notorious instances to the contrary In
the cases of Marcus GURUS Dentatus
Cneius Papyrius Carlo and Richard III.
Another proverbial observation has IL
that 'they would be young when they arc
old must be old when they are young "A
theory highly disapproved of by physicians
of the present time is that children and
chickens must always be picking" by
which is meant that both must eat OFTEN
and but little at time.
Since we have mentioned the physicians,
there are ancient proverbs relating TO
health:
Quickly TODD and quickly go,
Quickly will thy mother have moe.
Wash your hands often, your feet seldom
and your head never.
The best hysicians are DIR. Ilet, Dr'
Quiet and DR.. Merryman.
Never touch your eye but with your ell
bow. Westminster Budget.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
Flogring In the English Schools.

In former times much of the discipline
was administered by the head master. A
certain Dr. Keate, who was head master
toward the middle of this century, is cele-
brated for his floggings. A CHARACTERISTIC
instance occurred when very popular
boy, named Munro, was dismissed from
school for refusing to be flogged. At the
next "absence, " when his name was omit
ted from the roll CALL his friends set up a
shout of Munro Munro! Boo, boo!" In
punishment for this they were told to
come daily to an extra absence. This they
decided not to do, and also determined not
to be logged for it. Keate very craftily
waited until after "lock up" when the
BOYS were scattered in the various board
ing houses, and then sent the assistapt
masters to fetch them for punishment In
relays.
Some of the boys tried to organize re-
sistance by shouting from the windows
"Don't be flogged! We haven't been
flogged!" but the relays kept coming in to
Keate until after midnight, and all but
two of the boys were flogged-over 80 in
all. According to tradition, keate was
positively fond of using the birch. On one
occasion, it is said, the names of batch
of candidates for confirmation were by
mistake sent to him on "bill' like that
used for reporting boys for punishment.
The BOYS tried to explain the matter, but
Keate only logged them the harder fol
what he considered an irreverent trick tc
escape punishment All this happened in
the time when the boys lived under
"dames" in the boarding houses.-Har
per's Round Table.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
DON'T VERSUS DOESN'T.
Grammatical Oddities That Crate Upon
the Ear of Educated Readers


The subject of pronunciation has been
up for discussion good deal of late. The
following regarding don and doesn't"
should be of interest, coming from the
best authority. Don't is like dropping the
final of the present participle, vulgar
ity of people of culture, Thackeray and
Anthony Trollope constantly place it,
along with amt for lam not, or lis
not in the mouths of their highly bred
characters. The late prince consort used
it. / Notwithstanding from memory
from his Life" by Sir II. Martin
that, speaking of the Princess Beatrice as
an infant, the prince wrote, "She doesn't
like it,
Other corruptions are or were, 'em for
''them," Hawyut for Harriet" chawyet
for chariot" yallow for yellow" tossel
for "tassel,' Lunnon for London, "
Roome for Rome" goold for gold, "
obleege for "oblige" The first Duke OF
Wellington, as have been told, always
said obleege. 1t certainly does CRATE upon
the ear to hear don't used for doesn't,
and yet we find it used in the "Pickwick
Papers," in the song which Mr.. Wardle
sings on Christmas eve at the Manor farm,
Dingley Dell:
And love that's too strong-why, it don't last
long,
As many have found to their pain.
In East Anglia they say ''you don''
ought and she didn't ought, which,
though true, is slightly ungrammatical.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
Childhood Precocity.

1t is a recognized fact by all authorities
that the most impressionable age of chill
dren is between and years. Be
tween these ages the childs observations
are the keenest and the memory most re-
tentive At this time parents should be
most particular, as the whole after life of
the child may be affected 10y the training
it receives. wholesome, moral atmos-
phere in the home, with proper care for
the health of the child and firmncss on
the part of the parents in respect to their
wishes, will become impressed upon the
child's mind in such a manner that in aft
or years the memory will still cling to
these surroundings, and it will have a
great influence on the character of the
child when.it reaches manhood or woman
hood Life and Health.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
Secondhand Anchors.

In the wide variety of things that can
be bought secondhand are anchors. IL
might be supposed that anchors would
never wear out and that once aboard a
ship they would stay there. But while
anchors are not fragile things, they do
rust out and wear out and sometimes they
are broken. Ships are wrecked or broken
up and their tackle sold. Sometimes a
ship parts cable and loses an anchor
which may be picked up by wreckers.
Anchors are sold 10y the pound, and a
ships anchor, secondhand, that was In
perfect condition would bring within l
cent or u cents a pound of as much as
new anchor and would be sold for the reg
ular uses of an anchor. Worn or broken
anchors of course, sell for less, and they
are sold to be used as anchors for moor
ings for yachts and other vessels. When
an old anchor is beyond this use, 1t goes
to the scrap heap.-New York Sun.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
va IN a Name?

A Sussex doctor writes to the London
Standard to say that the common people
I'm the rural districts in his neighborhood
give their children such names as Gladys
Irene Florence, Doris Alma May, Hilda
Eyelina Clementina, Ealeon Oenidc, Dora
Vinita, Winifred Emily, Olive Ruby, Mar
garetta Lavinia, Gladys Elsie, etc; Nor
man Archibald, Archibald Gordon Rich
mond, Cyril Granville, Douglas Dennis
Richmond, Stanley Vernon, Albert Victor,
Cecil Claude, Cyril Dudley, etc. He opnes
that those toplofty names will sound very
funny ''in our future scullory and other
maids, grooms, gardeners, coachmen and
SO forth" What of it? Why should not a
waiting maid or footman be just rs good
a servant If her or his name be Gladys or
Cyril? Here in democratic America, 1T Is
not uncommon to find an Earl Jones, a
Baron Smith or Duke Robinson, whose
fond parents invested them at baptism
with these resounding forenames, and
James G. Blaine used to tell with gloe OF
a Boston mother who christened her son
out of "a fashionable novel V. de G. Brown,
the initials standing for Valet de Chambrc,
which surely looks mighty aristocratio.-
Boston Pilot.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
THE 6iiRsWD SULTAN.
Has n Literary Bureau to Bolster His Gov
eminent.


The Turkish is probably the only gov
eminent that maintains literary bureau
for the purpose of creating public opinion
In its favor. The Russians have bureau
OF censorship, with agents in every post
Office OF the empire, whose duty Is to pre-
vent the circulation of seditious literature
and the introduction among the people of
radical ideas contrary TO the teachings Of
the church and the policy of the car.
But tho Turkish have regular and per
manent organization of 30 of the brightest
literary men and politicians in the sultan's
dominions, who arc always at work Great
ing sentiment in his favor abroad and at
home, and they are very thorough. They
not only keep the local press straight on
matters of public policy, but confound the
enemies of the throne with articles skill
fully prepared and furnished to such pa
pers as will print them. They read all the
influential foreign papers, too, both of
Europe and America, and if any contain
articles that are likely to injure the repu-
tation of the sultan or the credit of the
government, or prejudice people against
the country, some one is employed to an
| swer them or to write in different vein
on the same subject, and in such way as
to correct any false or unfavorabe impress
| sion that may have been created.
The bureau has it's agents in all the
commercial centers Of Europe, who have
access to the columns of THO leading peri
odicals and are always ready to put in g
little missionary work. Not long ago ar
article was printed in Washington paper
rejecting upon the treatment of the Ar
menians by the Turkish government Ii
a few weeks very clever reply appeared
in the same paper. 1t was temperate, dip
lomatic, interesting and convincing ant
was prepared by some one perfectly ia
miliar with the subject. = Minneapolis
| Tribune.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
IDENTITY OF LOHENGRIN.
One Learned Man at Least Thinks He Has
Discovered It.


German historians, and of late years the
votaries ., Wagner more especially, have
made frequent guesses as to the identity Of
Lohengr;n, tho knight who mysteriously
appears with an accompaniment of swans
and soft music and as mysteriously disap-
pears when IL occurs to Elsa Won Brabant
not unnaturally, IL would seem to the
unprecedented, though somewhat tardily-
that she would like to know something
definite concerning the man to whom she
has given her hand. AS Herr l. +. ID.
Blote, i'm recent article in a German
pathological journal, points out, however,
long before medieval poetry celebrated
him as the founder of the house OF Bra
bant, he had been assigned by the French
tourveres to a connection with the family
of Godefroi de Bouillon. In order TO give
this favorite hero of theirs the glory of
supernatural origin the French singers
picked out from their legendary lore the
swan knight Helyas, as he is called in the
French epics, and made him the GRANDPA
thcr of Godefroi de Bouillon.
The enterprising writer of the article
has succeeded, he thinks, in Identifying
this semimythical parsonage as real one.
This he has done by actual genealogy.
GodcrToi younger brother Baudouie, later
on king of Jerusalem, was married to
Godehilde, the only daughter of a Seigneur
de Toeni in Normandy. The grandfather
of this Godehilde was Roger l. dc Toeni
who died in 1910, and it is he to whom the
writer mentioned assigns the role of the
swan knight. He bases his assumption
upon the following argument, which fully
agrees with tradition: Roger de Toeni had
as coat of arms a swan; he liberated the
| oppressed Countess of Barcelona from her
| enemies, received as reward the hand OF
| her daughter and later on retired, for un-
| known reasons, to his own country. The
main facts Of this story remained in the
| popular memory, although the locality and
names were forgotten and tradition ap
| piled to them new names and places, add
ing Also in time, the mysterious attribute:
| of the knight as well as his command t.
| his bride never to inquire his origin. SO
at least, Herr Blote tells us, and until W.
are able to get better explanation of the
rise of this saga we may as well accep
J his.-St. Louis Republic.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22

A lew weeks ago the editor was taken
with a severe cold that caused him to be
in a most miserable condition. 1t was
undoubtedly bad case OF la grippe and
recognizing it as dangerous he took i'm
mediate steps to bring about speedy
cure. From the advertisement OF Cham
berlain's Cough Remdey and the many
good recommendations included therein,
we concluded to make first trial OF the
medicine. To say that it was satisfac-
tory in it's results, is putting it very
mildly. indeed. 1t acted like magic and
the result was speedy and permanent
cure. We have no nesitancy in recon-
mending this excellent Cough Remedy to
anyone afflicted with a-cough or cold in
any iorm.-The Banner of Liberty, Lib
ertytown, Maryland. The % and so
cent sizes for sale by Sodergren & Sober
g rem, druggists
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
LIFE IN SMALL CITIES.
More Comfort, Happiness and Success
Than In the Big Centers.

More Comfort, Happiness and success
Than In the Big Centers.
"The higher salaries of the larger cities
Is perhaps what attracts young men more
potently than any other factor" writes
Edward w. Box in The Ladies' Home
journal, pointing out where Success
Awaits Young Men'-in the smaller cit
les. "But, unfortunately, he says, las
thousands of young men have found for
themselves, these salaries are not so high
as they were led to believe, nor will the
city income buy as much in the metropolis
as they bargained for. A salary of 81, 900
year in big city will not bring young
man the comfortable living which 81 900
year means to him in the smaller COM
munity. With far more moderate salary
the rising young clerk, manager or bust
ness man in the small city lives like a
king in comparison to the man OF equal
position in the large center. III he earns
81 900 or So, 900 year, he has his own lit
tie home, by lease or purchase. For $50
per month he can have his own pretty cot
tage, with Gods pure sunshine on four
sides of it. His children have their own
grass plot for their playground. His porch
is his evening pleasure and his Sunday de-
light Trees shade his street, cool his
rooms anu Ildko llNlHS d SOliiioiu LIE
friends live all around him.
"He knows the man who lives next door.
His neighbors' children are his children s
playmates. His social life has meaning
to it, it is "a JOY and an exhilaration to
him. When he goes out in the evening, ii
is into home gathering where every face
is familiar and where he is known and
welcomed. He has time to read, something
| which the man in the larger city, whom
| he envies, has not. His church is to him
like a family gathering every Sunday
( morning. The man in the pulpit is his
! pastor, who perhaps has baptized him
married him and will baptize and MARI,
| his children. Respected in his circle o
friends, every step of progress in his bust
ness is known to them and is the cause To-
| congratulation. He is within easy walk
| ing distance or trolley ride of his place o
business. To his wife his home is her jo.
and not her care. She has time for he
children, her home, her social duties, he
reading and her church. The blood o
! health rushes through the veins of his chill
dren as they sleep and play in an unpol
luted atmosphere. Life means something
to such a man; it means happiness-th
( true measure of all success.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
QUEER THINGS IN POLAND.
Superstition Plays a Leading Role With
Young Men and Maidens.

1t is customary in Polish villages to
strew straw over the Christmas eve sup.
per tables, and for the young people,
blindfolded or in the dark, to pick out
each straw therefrom. Should tho straw
be green the lucky maiden expects to wear
a bridal wreath or the youth to lead
blushing bride to tho altar during the ap-
preaching year, but dried straw foretells
to either long waiting, possibly even until
death.
In other rural Polish districts on the
"Christ's eve'' wine beer and water are
placed by girl between two candles on a
table. She then retires into corner or
an adjoining room to watch the result re-
Elected in mirror hung for this purpose.
If as the clock strikes midnight man
enters and drinks the wine, she is happy,
for her wooer will be rich. Should he
drink tho beer, she may be content, for
the wooer will be well to do If the water
be chosen, her husband will be very poor.
But if as the clock strikes no man comes
to her table the anxious maiden shivers
with more than midnight terror, believing
that she is doomed to be early the bride OF
death.
Poland is peculiarly rich in these OBJ
servanlcs, spreading themselves through
out the year, both sexes being equally
superstitious in this respect. On New
| Years eve tho young unmarried men place
| themselves before fire, and bending down
| look beneath their legs. Should woman
! appear in the background 1T Is the one
( they will marry, but If they see shape as
| of a coffin 1t forebodes for them death
] during the year close at hand.-Philadei
| mia Press
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
He Broke 1t.

A good natured darky at one or the
down town hotels the other evening dellv-
cred himself of one of those expressions
for which his race is famous in their ei-
forts to keep up with the modern language
of white men. A belated traveller HAD
stepped into tho barroonS for smile. :
The light was low, and the proprietor
called the darky to turn the electricity on
in one of the incandescent lamps. Instead
of turning the light on he broke the can
die off.
"Well, John, why don't you turn that
light onp" the proprietor asked Impatient
ly.s
The African fumbled about the appara.
tus and stammerod out, BOSS, IAN
reckon I'ze broke the circus of, and the
thirsty traveller went out with doupie
smile.-St. Louis Globe Democrat.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22
The Finland ers'

Mutual Fire insurance company OF
Houghton and Keweenaw counties, or
gained in 1890 according to the laws OF
the State OF Michigan. will insure proper
ty OF its members. Have paid fire losses
over 81, 900 and dividends nearly IS, 900
during the last seyen years to members
of five years standing. On the first day
OF July the company had SAL men,
bers, S466,943 worth OF property in
sured and $11. 121.1S in treasury. For
further par ticulars apply to the under.
signed. JOHN BLoMovIsT, President.
ALEX LENoNEN, Secretary.
Office, 448 Pine street, upstairs de
Jacket.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-10-22

LIFE ON THE WANE.
MY friends are like the flowers

My friends are like the flowers
That grace the sunny hours.
Death Is the blight whose shade
Doth mar them till they fade.
All. what a bevy did adorn
The plot where one dies every morni
My heart Is Ike field
OF trees with golden yield.
Death is the gale whose force
Doth strip, without remorse.
The fruit of each arboreal type
That should have smiled till fully ripe.
My life is but the gloom
That silvery stars Hume,
Yet, swift as hurrying clouds,
Death one by one enshrounds,
And SOMEHOW soon II shall be left,
Mid darkness, OF their light bereft.
But couragei Coming spring
Steals back on fiowery wing.
Fresh summer bids the root
Breed new maturing fruit,
And never midnight held dark sway
That issued not in golden day.
NJ. s. G. Richards in New York Tribune.