The National tribune., 1897-09-30
Pussonsl Rekoliekshuns of an Army Cook.
The War Viewed from the Rear

Pussonal Rekoliekshuns of Army Cook.
The War Viewed from the Rear
| All mewels is cuSsid De most OBJ dem i,
outsider dan de udders Caliber 81 wuz far
and away de cussidest one oh de hull lot He
could turn Jack fur de udders and 9Th dem
high and low. and yit beat dem ont Oh de
game Of cussidness ebbery time don't be-
| lieye in meraeles ez jinerul rule. and Wit 10
WIZ alluz meracle to me how so much GUS
sadness could be crammed into one mewel's
! hide widdout sweilin' him bigger'n balloon.
I've fought erbout 1t great deal Senee I've
done got Older, and sot tub studyin' out
things, and my idee is dat he had de cussid-
ness packed away in him like de sweIlin' is in
dried apples. You nebber expect dar's any
swell dar till you pour some water on dem,
and den deyll act Ell if dey'd crowd de hull
world inter de fence corners.
Most OBJ de time Caliber IS a be 20 patient
and good and ianersunt dat I'd lub him like
brudder. He'd tote ebbery ting / could
| pile onto him and me on top all day widdous
grunt, and trot erlong at de head oh do
colyum, SOS I'd be de fust one inter camp
when we'd stop and hab Alistuh Joe's suppeh
ready foh him atore anybody eiSe's He'd be-
hongrler'n meat-ax fob corn and hay. and
yit wag his little paint-brush tail like a dogs
when I'd tote him an armlOad OBJ cottonwood
brush foh his suppeh He'd flop Ground dem
saddlebag ears Ob biS'n in a pleased. thankful
way, ez If I'd brung him de best fodder dar
wuz in Firginny, and dem great big. soft.
larhb-hke eyes Oh his'n'd turn on me en- il
he'd say . You's jewel and my best friend.
| nebber kin Tub you enuf"
But alter de Surgeon had fixed I'D NV bones
tree or four times, larned, IN bitterness OBJ
heart, dat when he looked at me dat away
I'd better keep a mile from his heels. and hab
a big club handy. His goodness wuz alluz q
weatheF-breeder.
For days afOre we made dat forced night
march trough Smokers Gap tub head off de-
rebels from Washington, Caliber 60 had been
so awful good dat I wuz skeered. | knowed
he wuz layin fur sumfn but what dat sum-
fin WIZ 1 couldn't guess. Dat wuzde dumb
fuscation OBJ it. You nebber could tell when
and whar he'd break out He wuz cunninger
dan sheep-killin' dog.
Dat night ebberybody and ebberything
WIZ a-pihn' through Smokers Gap ez if de
world WIZ comm tub an end It wuz g For
ward Forward Quick time Double
quick, ebbery minnit wild men and teams
and cannOns. | WIZ ridin' on Caliber 90. on
top OBJ hull lot OBJ camp truck. and he wuz
dom jest splendid. | wuz ahead OBJ ebbery-
body else, jest behind de rear oh de regiment,
and in front OBJ de ambulances and company
wagons We'd dun come tub dat place you'll
remember whar it's steep rock all de way
down on one side, and a steep cliff straight
up on de udder, wild only room enuf fob de-
road. Oars only one sich place in de gap,
and ebberybody knows it. De night wuz e1
dark ez pitch, and Caliber 80 had nebber
been dar aiore In his life, but dat blimmed
fool sTnartness mewel has told him dar wuz
his chance. L done felt him sOt his forelegs
down solid and stiff, and stop. Ny har riz,
fur l knowed what WIZ comm
De ambulance driver run into US, but Cali
Der 90 nigh kicked Gle head often bofe his
horses in two sweeps, widdout budgin' his
forefeet more'n if dey' growed dar
Go ahead dar, you muliet-headed son Of
Senegambian siusb-biler, wild your measly,
mump- faced newell" swore de ambulance
driver. De fust thing dat I could Law my
hands on wuz de frying pan. I pulled it out
and begin larTupin Caliber 90 ober his
head. L knowed it'd be no use toward
movin him till he got ready, butit relieved
my feelings.
De udder ambulance bumped into de head
one, and ne swore, and de Headquarters
wagon bum ped in the hind ambulance, and
de Headquarters driver swOre wuss dan do
udders, ez WIZ his privilege. De company
wagons bumped in to de Headquarters
wagon, but dey didn't dare to tub cuss de
Headquarters teamster ez dey wanted tub,
but took it out on one anudder. De Wagon
Master he cum up, and swOre w1ss dan
all oh dem put tugedder, which WIZ his
right.
He wanted tuh git at me. and frow de
mewel and me ober de cliff into de gully
below but de road WIZ so narrow he couldn't
pass de wagons, and had tub take it out In
swearin'. L could hear storm OBJ cusSin'
reaehin' clean back tub de Shenandoah
Ribber, which it seemed tub me would take
all de color out OBJ de shoemake erlong de
road.
Den de Aids begin tub come up, wild Do
Jineruls compliments, and what de hells de
matter?"
Dey talked OBJ doin all sorts OBJ awful
things. Some wanted tuh send company
through de woods on de udder side, SOS tub
shoot acrost and kill de mule Some wanted
tuh send men up on top OBJ de hill tub heays
rocks down and smash him. None OBJ dem
talked OBJ slippin up behind de newell
Deyd bin too long in de army fob dat. Cali
Der Cos heels kept de ground in dc rear clear
OBJ all cOmers Nobody seemed tub keer .
fleeter what happened tub de cullud gentle
man on de mewel while dey wuz a-kiIlin
him. Oar wuz too many niggerS round de
army, anyhow One wouldn't be missed
After couple hours I'd quit pOundin
Caliber 90 wild de frying pan, kaze | nuz
done tired out, andd settled down dat WIZ
tub die somehow, and dat very soon, when
suddenly, ez if he'd jest thought OBJ it. he
picked up his fore feet and went trOttin
erlong ez if he wuz in ez big hurry ez any,
body else tuh. save Washington from de-
rebels.
Everybody wuz too tired dat night when
we got tub camp tub kill de mewe; and me,
ez dey wanted tub. De next day dey had a
power ob udder things tub think erbout-
more important dan all dc mewels and all de
niggers dis side Oh Kingdom Come.
Work of the Pension Cnieo.
The report of certificates issued for the week
ending Sept. % shows
Army in valid: Original, 121; increase and
additional, 257; reissue, 81; restoration and
renewal, 80; duplicate, 8 accrued, 62; total.