The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1897-01-13
THE SPEEDY COKCERT|NA
Sweet Music Soothes the Savage
Breast of the MeSsen-
ger Boy.
And Likewise Stirs His Sluggish
Pulse and Feet and Improves
HIS Digestion.

The messenger-boy creeping like
snail' has too long been the butt of comic
papers in need of material, but the knell
of these antediluvian witticisms has at
length been sounded. And strange as the
statement may seem the source of this
knell is a concertina, if concertina ever
forgets itself so far as to indulge in such a
thing as knell.
This implied reform in the manners and
customs of the messenger-boy may not be-
come general for some time to come, but
even a single exception to the reproaeh of
ages is O wholesome indication that the
entire breed of messenger-boys is within
the pale of ultimate salvation.
The office of the Western Union Tele-
graph Company on Montgomery street is
the local habitation of this improved
breed of messenger-b boys. Look here upon
this picture and on this. An ostrich to
an oyster. The "old style" messenger
boy, as he may be termed for the sake of
convenience, did not believe in violent
exercise after m eals and as he was always
eating he usually found himself opposed
on bygienic grounds to even the mlldest
forms of physical exertion. His pace was
measured and deliberate; the ultimate
weighed so to speak, and the placid calm
of his features was rarely disturbed by so
much as transient emotion. How dlf-
ferent the ''new style!" The weird and
startling spectacle OF messenger boys
rushing madly 10 and from the Western
Union Office as though determined to
| lower some sprinting record. is daily wit
messed by a wondering world of business
men, who vaguely speculate as to its
meaning.
After all, the explanation of the phe-
nomenon IS extremely simple and withal
delightfully."- sentimental. The poet said
| of old that Music hath charms to soothe
| the savage breast, though it is open to
| question whether these lines have any
particular reference to messsenger-b
| Be this as it may, some genius OF the
! Western Union local management has I'M
| consciously protited by the poetical sug-
! gestion and has devised an unfailing
method of stirring the sluggish pulse and
! feet of the company's Juvenile employees.
An expert concertina player has been en-
| gagged to furnish choice selections
throughout the day to begaile the tedium
of the idle intervals which do occasionally
| enter into the existence of a messenger
/ boy. This impresario has an extensive
and accommodating repertoire OF popular
pieces, ranging from the Miserere in III
| Trovatore" to The Sunshine OF Paradise
| Alley anu the latest tOplCdi ~ LIE 1LfOll.
| Now, therefore, when the nature of q
| message calls for expeditions delivery the
gentleman in charge has no more to do
than to hand it over to the most musically
inclined mem Der of the staff in attend
ance with the simple injunction: BE
thou here again ere the leviaIhan can
swim a league" TO which the musical
messenger boy would give assurance if he
could and supposing him familiar with
the bard: "I'll put girdle round the
earth in forty minutes"
In fact the boys IRE so fearful of missing
any portion of the programme that they
know no happiness outside the Office and
never rest until their respective missions
are fulfilled.
No doubt the other City messenger OF
fees will follow the example of the West
ern Union. In the spirit of com petition
they may even go so far as to engage en-
tire orchestras, with full complement of
brass, reed and string instruments. Who
can foresee the far-reaching conse-
quences of this comparatively simple ini-
tiative? Increase of appetite doth grow
with what it feeQs on, and as the esthetic
appreciation of the messenger-boy de-
veIopes by incessant cultivation his mer-
curial fieetness of foot may ere long be-