The times., 1897-09-26
THE ABSENT MINDED JONES.

Der MS nursing bottle or rattle DoX i've
minutes after they were out OF his hand.
Sometimes he remembercd that his mother
was a woman he had seen around the
house before, and sometimes he looked
upsn her as an utter stranger. On rare
occasions he recognized his father, and
there were times when he seemed to
feel at home in the house.
IS d baby Jones was a side show. He
was named Henry, but if you called him
George or Jake or Hanna it was all the
same To him. He was a 3 bright rs the
averag boy, but he simply couldn' renlem
Der. Every page of his lesson in school
was new to him, and it wasn't half the
time he could remember the name OF the
teacher. His mother fretted and wor
Tied. and his father scolded and thrashed,
nut the boy did not improve They finally
got a phrenolo gist to eXamine his bumps,
and the verdict was:
He was born that way, and you cant
do anything with him. J ust let hiro make
the best OF it,
The best was 10 let him go his way
and do he pleased, and he grew up
into a fairly good man. To the wonder
of all he turned TO business and dis
played an aptitude for 1t. His real
troubles hegan when he got old enough
to escort the girls aho ut. II introduced TO
a strange girl he would invariably lead off
with:
Very happy, indeed but haven't we
met before?''
Il think not
Perhaps not; but I was thinking
asked YOU to marry me-
mo, sir
4 must be mistaken, of course. Didn't
we ever court?''
mo, SIR
u thought we had. just excuse me,
will yor?''
And half an hour later he would be
likely TO stare at her for IL moment with
troubled ccuntehance, and then say:
Let's see! Didn't l ask you u marty
me little While ago.
No, SIR
81 thought I did. Excuse me. and IN
try to remember you better
One day he came home with very serious
look on his face, and when asked what was
troubling him he replied:
Have we got cook named Mary?''
No; her name is Jane replied his
mother.
Docs she expect to marry me?'
"Of course, not. What put that idea into
your head?''
why, I'm almost sure asked Some-
hody's cook, named Mary or Jane Or some
thing. TO marry me. Please go and ask our
cook If she Is the one
HIS grandmother came on a visit, and the
day after her arrival young Jones called her
into another loom and confidentially OBJ
Ecrved:
"ItcOmesali little hard fOrne toremember
everything, you know. In talking with you
yesterday did I ask you TO marry me?''
Why, mercy, not gasped the old lady.
Are YOU sure?"
cor course, ami The idea of your ask
ing your grandmother to marry your'
"Well maybe I didn't he sighed but
I was talking with you and one or two
other wnn.en, and it seems TO Iue that pro-
posed to one at least. If 1T wasn't you,
then IL was oue OF the Others"
1t was nine-days' wonder when he got
married, end later Oh it was ascertained
that he had been engaged 10 twenty-five
different girls. That is, ne had popped the
question to thatmauy. and whether all ha d
accepted or rejected him he could not re.
member. One day ne overlook girl ou the
village street, and after walking u block
Or so be suddenly asked:
Miss Angel, I cont remember some
things very clearly. For instance, did /
ever tell you that loved your
You never did,'' size replied.
Well, wish to tell you SO now. Per
hapa, never asked you to marry me?''
"Never.''
Then l ask you now.''
Yes l viii marry you,'' replied the
girl, who knew Jones TO be a very worthy
young man, and WHO was in every way
worthy herself.
II thans you very much. When shall it
come Off tomorrow
NO. the day after
Very well. We wilI have quiet mar
riage at your house the day after TO
morrow l must try ana remember that.
Just excuse me. viii you?"
And lie left hel to run across the street
and intua grocerya nd n TO the proprietor;
Say, Billings do me favor, viii your
OF course. What is it?''
I'm going to marry Sadie Angel Thurs
day evening. Please help me to remember
it,
Billings agreed, and about every two
hours he had a hoy hunt up young Jones
end jog his memory. The Jones family
also helped him tC remember. and al
though the brideeroonl-elect did go off
fishing oil the marriage day the got him
back in time for the marriage Two hours
after the ceremony, however, while ne
was circulating among the guests, he met
the bride and smilingly asked:
Miss Angel. did we or did we not
get married this evening"
pf lotfrSa 1yvf .I5d
81 thought so, but wasn't quite sure
about it. All right; I'll remember that
we did,
S family man, Jones had house in
the center of the block. For every time he
stopped at his own gate he passed it ten
times He was just as apt to walk into any
/ other house as bis own, and people used
to gather TO see him doit. When the baby
appeared be said he would try and remen-
ber that it was a girl and his. His Wife
put a red-headed bahvinto thecrib she Dor
rowed twins, and even tuplets, and he never
noticed the difference. One day he left q
six months infant in the crib and Went tc
business At noon time ne found baby
two years old kicking up it's heels i'll the
same place, and he made no remarks
whatever.
Jones bought and shipped produce He
wasn't quite so abseut-minded when doing
business, but it was hard work to keep
track of things. If he Bought fifty dozen
eggs of Brown he had 10 write it Gown
in four or five different places, aud even
then ne WAS likely 10 get the item mixed
with ten barrels of apples bought of Green
lie would try to collect debt five or six
times YER but AS an offset would q Iva l.S