The Monitor-register., 1897-11-12

NAOoO blfIucs
Pa-lts what comes after an election.
Chicago Nesos.
*~
Johnny what are you crying aboutP"
Bobby, stepped on my left SEN
samoid ~ Chicago Record.
~
Funeral Director Ito gentleman)-Are
you one of the mourners?
Gentleman-Yes; he owed me $500 -
N. Y Tribune.
He-My friend is opposed to every
thing English.
She-Yes; 1 noticed that in his conver-
sation.- Yonkers Statesman.
x*x
What he wanted-"Have you read
che Choir Invisible?'
M; what l want to learn about is
'Ihe Choi I~naudible. - Chicago News
Nv
Let no man scott at a young couple
occupying both sides of a front fence in |
the twilight. Not only a gate but a
wedding may hinge upon it.-PAaadelpAiG
Times.
He-"After studying your moods and
lenses for months, | rave concluded that
you love me. Am l right?"
She-"No, sir. \ on are ltf ."-Detrot
Free Press
She-You're a poor judge of human
nature.
He-Wny do you think So?
She-You have such a good opinion Of
yourself Judge.
Customer-DO you guarantee these
porous p~lasters to be good for a weak
back?
Druggist-Yes, sir; they are good for a
week back-and for a month to come
after you put them on.-Judge.
*x
Mrs. Gsbleton-I understand that your
- OhbhoO AICOb hlo CIFulJOlb- |
Mrs. Falcon the contrary, he says he
can't help meeting them. That is the
reason he goes out SO seldom. London
W-BHs.
"Were the sanitary police in your house
this a~fternoou?"
They were"
"What was the mattel?"
Il was smoking that cigar you gave
me."-LJe.
paw" said a little Indianapolis boy,
''what is an enemy of society"
well" replied paw" "any sensible
married man ia an enemy to 'societv,' as
his wife understands the word "-Indian-
ap0lis Journal.
Wayworn Watson-I never told you
I'd seen the time when | lived at the rate
of $40, 600 a year, did |?
Perry Patettio-No- How long did
you keep it up?
Way worn Watts pu-About a minute
Cincinnati Enquirer.
AZ
Gummey-Do you say ''ee-ther" or
''eye Their p"
Glanders-The dictionary says you
may say either.
Gummey-Dossn It it permit you to say
"eye-ther," too ?-Harlem Life.
Customer You guarantee a fit, didn't
you?
Tailor-I did
Customer-Well, the only fit about
these clothes is the one my wife had
when she saw them -Melb0urne Weekly
Times.
Nora-Ethel is terribly in love with
Jack.
George-What makes you think SO?
Nofa-He has been trying to teach her
to ride for three weeks and she rides no
better now than at first.-BOstOn Journal.
~
Mrs. Watts-The doctors say a good
cry is healthful.
Mrs. Potts-I know it is. A good cry
gained me a trip to the seashoie last year,
and | came back feeling better than l had
for oh, ever so long Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
Bobby-''What are descendants,
father"
Father-"Why, the people who COM
after you. Presently; Who is that
young man in the psssage?"
Bobby-''That's one of sisters descen
dants cone to take her for a drive
Boston TfGueler.
Teacher-Come, come, Dick; what
comes after ten?
Dick-Eight, nine, ten-er-I dunno.
Teaoher-Bobby, can you tell Dick
what comes after ten?
B~obby-Yes'm; jack, queen and king.
Judge.
nv
"Doctor, what do you regard as the
surest hereditary trait-that is, what
popularity is most likely to be inheri-
ted?"
my observations lead me to believe
that the desire to escape work is about
the most common thing that peopi in
herit. Chicago Journal,
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