davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
THE PROFESSOR.
He Goes Wool Gathering and Makes Some
Queer Mistakes.

Queer Mistakes.
A well known literary man whose iden-
tity may as well be lost in the fictitious
name of Professor k, but who lives
in an eastern city, affords his friends no
little amusement by reason of his forgetful-
ness and the ''wool gathering state Of
his mind at times when it would be best
for him to have his wits about him. This
failing leads him into doing and saying
some very funny things.
One day recently he was talking to q
party Of his friends, and he said:
sDo you know, I've been to the fu-
neral of four of my old friends within ten
days, and it-well, it rather depresses me,
the funeral of old Mrs L, a good soul
she was, a good soul. Then on Wednesday
I went to the funeral of another old friend
I thought the world Of and later in the
week I went to old Mr.. BIS funeral.
Then went to Mr.. Ms funeral on
dear me, dear me, what am I talking
about Mr.. M isn't dead yet. But
then he's very low, and I'm going to his
funeral, which will make four in very
short time
At another time the professor was at q
reception when he was approached by a
lady who evidently knew him, but whom
he could not remember having met before.
Too kind and polite to acknowledge his
ignorance of the lady's name he said in
his most affable manner: Delighted to
see you, delighted. Is your husband hereS"
my husband?'' said the lady soberly.
"My husband is in heaven
''Oh, to be sure, to be suFe,' said the
professor, with his thoughts far away.
Remember me to him, won t you pleasea''
detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
Biting Sarcasm.


Speaker Reed was making speech on
his native heath last summer, and to show
the effect of the Wilson bill on sheep farm
ing said, 'You have 1000 sheep, and you
get but ~ cents pound for your wool. -
YOU'RE wrong there, Biddy," called a
voice in the crowd, with characteristic
Yankee familiarity; 1--WE only get 10
cents" "Well,' responded Mr.. Reed
quickly, "you see, you can always retail
what tell you at profit. "-Argonaut.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
The Man For the occasion.

"Higgins has gone to the southwest
with the idea that he will make millions. !"
"How?"
''He claims to have invented a device
that can be used as a cyclone cellar when
it blows and as a houseboat when the floods
rage. Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

Teacher-Willie, how many times have
you whispered this morning7
WilIie-W-lnst.
Teacher-But that ism t the way to say it.
What should he have said, Bobbie?
Bobbie-Twict. York Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

The London Chronicles Paris CORE
spondent says that Blondin when living
in a Partisan suburb puzzled the conduct
ors of the tram cars by always insisting
upon the complete stoppage of the vehicle
before getting out. In answer to one who
appeared surprised he said, ''Je suis Blon-
din, >" adding that a slight sprain might
cause him to lose 25, 900 francs.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

young man" said the statesman, at
decline to be interviewed. -
The hopeful reporter looked sad.
g always interview myself, - the states
man explained. "It is great plan for
missing mistakes. Just sit down, and
will have your copy ready in about 20
minutes. cincinnati Enquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
That Strange Sound.

"Caoutehoucl Caoutchouci" The sud
den noise startled the Circa ssian girl, who
was new to the museum. But she had no
cause for alarm. It was only the india
rubber man sneezing.-New York Jour
nal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
Erann1a Yeraua Preoent.

''Harry, dear, wish you wouldn't chew
gum so much. Your father says gum
isn't clean, and the habit is certainly an
annoying one"
why, mamma, I've just got to chew
somethingl He always keeps his fine cut
where can t get at it. Chicago Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
In Chicago.

First Preacher-D Doing much in the wed.
ding trade now?
Second Preacher-Yes Business is
good. People getting married this year
who never got married before. Truth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
Reanon For It's value.

Gobang-Contentment is better than
wealth, my boy.
Ny Boy-It ought to be. 1t is a mighty
sight harder to get.-Truth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

She-That little fool, johnnie Moore,
has proposed to me.
Her Dearest Friend-When will the
wedding take Brooklyn Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

So welded to her art is She
To art for arts own sacred sake
She hardly keeps account at all
OF other husbands she may take.
Detroit News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
A Good Gusssar.

"Calinaux is become father" ~
"a boy?'' asks friend.
'sNo."
"a daughter, then9"
"You have guessed it. "-L'mustre de
Poche.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

Shelf you dare to kiss. I'll scream.
He-So will L Then they won't know
which of us got the worst Of it.-NeW
York Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
Why He Was Angry.

"What made johnson get SO huffy when
quoted that saying about the man who
avvoke to find himself famousY''
He thought you were limiting at the
time he went to bed on the front stoop. -
Indianapolis journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
Not Speaking Lilene.se..

'fTo what do you ascribe your great sue
cess as a fashionable portrait painterf'
"Chiehy to sticking always to my
ideals. Truth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
The End.

Young Playwright-And what did you
think of my climax
Critic-It was very welcome. Brooklyn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
At First Hand.

He-Do you like love stories?
She-I like to hear them.-Cincinnat
ENQUIRER
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
"a ANTS, RENTS, SIT
UATIONS, REAL
ESTATE, AUG
TION SALES AND
OTHER CLASSIFIED AID
VERTISEMENTS
sITuArIoNs WANrEp-FREE.

Are you in need OF work. z So you
are at liberty to use these columns for
assistance in that direction. While lhls
notice appears the State Journal will pub
ush free on Saturday, Monday and Iues-
day, for Topeka or Kansas people. an
notices Of Situations Wanted" not to
exceed five lines. or thirty-hve words N
length. provided that all advertisements
Of that nature are handed iii previous 10
% o'clock Saturday morning; also on
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. aA
advertising of this class handed in by u
o'clock Wednesday morning.
No advertisements of tR&s nature to be
started except on Saturdays and We'd
nesdays. No obligation is incurred on the
part OF the advertiser. No worthy ana
needy man or woman need hesitate 10
take advantage of this offer No one IN
business or having employment IS ex-
pected to take advantage Of It. but all
others are invited to avail themselves
freely.
The Topeka state Journal guarantees
every day It IS printed. to give local
circulation by far more than all other
Dailies combined. This makes this paper
the cheapest. as well as the best. daily
medium, in Topeka, the classified adver'
1isements below costing but
Five Cents a Line,
or 20 cents line for week; so cents Dy
Average circulation for the year 1885,
1900.
sworn detailed statement Of circulation
presented to advertisers on application
can and see any afternoon between
and 5 O'Clock. the handsomest fastest,
most Derfect piece of machinery in Kan
Eas-a Web Perfecting Press which prints
from two to three complete SPACE papers
per second.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

w ANTED-To buy a secondhand office
w desk Ad. pa Kan. Ave.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES.
statesmen WANTED.

CALESMEN FOR CTGARs-Good salary
- and expenses paid. Novelties given
with our goods, experience unnecessary.
c. c. Bishop Co, St. Louis
@OOWEEKLY SALARY AND Ex-
CD0 OPENSES PAID statesmen for CT
gars; experience unnecessary; permanent
position. The w. L. Kline Co., St. Louis.
Mo.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
wANrEp-M1scElLANEous.

w ANTED-Party with $3.50 to interest
w himself in the manufacture of an ar
ticle staple Is flour Business peculiarly
adapted TO these hard times as it cuts the
costs half. 5000 yearly easily made
Smith, 900 Quincy St.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23

Stock In any Topeka Bank in exchange
Tor good productive real estate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-04-23
Five Cents a Line,

or 20 cents a line for a week: 90 cents DS
the month.
Average circulation for the year 1896
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
WANTED.
WANTED.

SITUATION by competent girl to do gen. eral housework; good plain cook; refer ence. Apply
 o1S 1t' 97 WINCHESTER AVE
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
LoCAL FINANCIAL NOTES.

Consolidated k. k. Stock-Telephone and
 Electric Stock-W. l.. F. Stockholders
 "Benefit"-Now Haven Bank CIearings-
 Dividends in General.
 General stock market in New York reached it's lowest point since June dur ing the past week New York, New Haven and Hartford railroad stock was slightly affected by this change in prices, declining from 1S2ls to 1SO The debentures. however, were quite steady in price around 140
 Swift & Co, stock has a nominal quotation of g bid, 95 asked
 Cheeks for the various telephone and electric light dividends were received promptly on Friday. the 18th. The annual meeting of the New York, New Haven and Hartford railroad oc- CUTS on Wednesday next, October 20. Stockholders in the Wheeling and Lake Erie railroad, who have deposited l their stocks with the Central Trust
 company will have to pay S1 per share
 upon their receipts, as preliminary ex- ] penses towards the reorganization plan. | Upon payment of this sum the Central
 Trust company will issue engraved cer- tificates of deposit, which will be listed
 on the New York stock exchange. Hold
 CTS who omitted to deposit their securi-
 ties before October 15 will have to pay
 an additional penalty of !. per cent, l The second installment of $5 per share
 on Union Pacific railroad stock is due
 and payable on Wednesday, October 20. hTe annual meting of the Winches- l ter avenue railroad will be held to-day | at 2:30 D. m, at the office of the com pany in West Haven.
 1907 pal,poas 1coc
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
SELECT DANCING CLASSES.

Are now being formed for Beginners and Advanced Pupils. Important to beginners) small classes, assuring to its members in- dividual attention, is the princ'~al feature at this academy.
 OPENING-This whole week is devoted interested in dancing-whether intending to join or not-are invited to call and see the finest dancing academy in the State. Open from r to j and ' to 9 D. m. BOSTON q. FRANKLIN HoYT Prin. o4
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
c, FRANCIS MALONE
ce hours at hall from 0 n. mn to

and to $ D. m P -'
 DAYS AND HOURS FOR GLASSES. tots from to years old. 80 to 'f t iLAe d,,ii Cren from to U. Evening. from to in for young ladies and gentlemen. NoteWThe above classes are only open to beginners ters will meet Mondays from 4:30 to 6.i5 commencing Monday, Oct. 11th. This class will be known as the COttilion Class tho instruction to consist of new german figures and new parlor dances.
 Ii is of utmost advantage to pupils to register before the first lessons. s27 In
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18

OILED co AT>. AIRY, anti-stiff Storm Coats made double. Short length price S1.6a. Middle length price S1.9s. Long length price $23S md S2.9S for Milkmen. Motormen and all men. So'westers to match, D cents. o16 IS 20 LINSLEY X LIGHTBOURN.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
s1,735,75s,72 $4o6 alS.17 s1,5S4,77l4s

$1 1855. .759.72 S406 3lS.17 $1,5S4,771.fS Increase week of 1897, $15o,9 9SS24. Balances week of 1886, $34o, ,42S.54
 Increase balances week of 1897, $65, S946S.
 cIearings week of 1895, five days, sl,- 425, ,S109S,
 Clearings week of 1893, five days, l. 96s, ,23331.
 Clearings week of 1892 $1,490 626,S4.
 Dividends soon due are:
 American Tobacco Co. preferred,2 per cent, payable November 1 books clos ed October 15.
 American Tobacco Co.,, common, per cent, payable November 1; books clos ed October 15.
 Chicago, i:andusky and Cleveland, preferred, per cent, payable Novem- Ter 1; books close october 21.
 Delaware, Lackawanna and Western, 1A per cent, payable October 20; books closed october 8.
 Edison Electric, New York, 1M per cent. payable November l; books closed october 9.
 Great Northern, preferred, 11s per cent, payable November 1 books close October 20.
 Jersey Central 1 per cent, payable November 1; books closed October Is.
 Lake Erie and Western, preferred, 1A per cent, payable November IS; books close October 30.
 Pullman Palace Car Co, per cent, payable November 15; books close No- vember 1.
 Rome, Watertown and Ogdensburg, 11s per cent, payable November 15; books close October 30
 Rock Island, per cent. payable Mo- ven1ber 1; books close October l.
 St. Paul. Minneapolis and Manitoba, 1la per payable November 1; books closed October 15.
 Texas and Pacific, per cent, pay able october 20; books close October 1.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
pr.p V a,i Heart Dis4as

A great cure and a great testimony "For len years I suffered greatly from Heart Disease. Fluttering of the Heart and Smo- thering Spells, made my, life n torment. I was confined to my bed. Dropsy set in worst. | tried pr Asncw's Cure for the Ueart-One dose gave great relief one bot tie cured the Drorsy and my heart Mrs. James Adams. Syracuse, N '. Sold by D. A Gessner r. Hewitt & Col
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18

LOST, POINTER dog eight months old; brown with white breast. Reward if returned to o1S tt* T2 CARMEL ST
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18

Fireman Isaacs of No 2's engine house is the happy father of fine twelve-pound boy. who arrived Satur- day morning.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
GWants.

One Cent 8 Word each insertion, Ave cents Word for a full Week, seven times.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18

RELIABLE SCHOOL for DANCING.
 NOW OPEN FOR 1S9T-'gS
 Warner Hall. Chapel ,treet. Instruction either Private or in Classes
The daily morning journal and courier., 1897-10-18
WANTED.
WANTE

SITUATION by respectable girl to do general housework or second work in d private family; good city reference In- qulre at 1ST PINE STREET,
 o1S lt# Eair Hnynn
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1897-12-18
ONCE 4 SEATTLE MAN.
8. 8. Men Vow superintendent Of the
Union Loop I'm Chicago.

''In accepting the responsible position OF
general superintendent Of the Union loop
last month Stewart 8. Neff Is winning adj
ditional reputation to his career In the
railway service. extending over sixteen
years" says the Chicago Chronicle.
HE is the man who Is handling LOO
trains every twenty-four hours with q
precision and accuracy of time which Is
nothing short of marvellous when II IS re-
membered that the great railway lines in
the dispatching Of trains deal with MIN
utes, while his schedule of running trains
over the loop deals with seconds. This
system Is absolutely perfect In all Its de-
tails and withal SO simple that 1t iusurcs
infallible safety
THE biographical directory of the rail-
way officials of America states that he
was born October "a is5s at Cincinnati,
@. Graduate OF Rensselaer, Polytechnic in
stitute of Troy, n. Y. Entered railway
service as transit man. Pennsylvania road
since which he has been consecutiveiy to
September 1883, assistant engineer on con-
structIon. Western Pennsylvania division,
same road: September, 1881 to September.
1884 assistant engineer in the office Of
principal assistant engineer. and Septem-
Der. 1884. TO March. 1857. assistan. super
visor same road March, 1857, to March.
1891. superintendent Cornwall road; March
1897 TO June 1892. superintendent coast
lines OF the Great Northern railway: 1919
to spring. 1884, general manager Pacific
Navigation Company: 1894 IN October. 1895
assistant engineer Fandalia line: October
1895. to October. 1896. superintendent and
chief engineer Lake Superior and Tshper,-
fnr railway: October 1895. 10 October.
1885, chief engineer Rio Grande, Cripple
Creek e. Northern railway"
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1897-12-18
NEW PLACER FIELDS.
4 Rich District Said to Have Been
Located I'm British COlumbia,

When VIII d. jenkins. secretary Of
state. went 10 Alaska few weeks ago.
he had In view q detinite purpose. When
he came back he said to a few close
friends that he had been successful He
spoke with A great deal of reserve as 10
the exact nature OF his business I'm Alaska,
but said that II was TO close deal for
a large area OF placer ground which had
been, discovered late last summer
II was learned yesterday that~the deal
I'm which Mr.. Jenkins, Land Commissioner
Bridges and Deputy Insurance Commits
sjoner Heifnsr and other members OF the
administration at Olympia are interested.
consists in the purchase OF 900 acres OF
gold bearing placer ground I'm British CO.
lumbia about seyenty-five miles I'm the In
terror from tide water. The exact foes-
ton If the ground has not yet been made
public. II Is said to be situated on the
hanks Of stream that ~ not given ON
any 81 the current maps Of Alaska ana
British Columbia. a gentleman who Is
possessed OF some information concerning
the matter said yesterday tina. men had
earned as high as $40 90 81 per day By
hand siulc!ng the ground
A company has heen formed for the de-
velopment Of the property. which lies con-
venient to adequate water-power for sIntr-
ing. A large hydraulic plant will be erected
and operations carried on on big scale
Mr.. Jenkins said yesterday that the ma
ohinery and supplies for the plant world
he shipped early In the spring from Seat
tie
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1897-12-18
RAILROADS ARE AGITATFb.
May Have Trouble In Handling the
Sprfhx RuAh TO Alaska

The one matter which Is sgstasinx the
passenger men of the Western roads more
than anything else Just 1T present IN how
the big food toward the gold fields %
Alaska r. 10 be handled In the spring The
prospective rush 20 the Klond!ka Is more
important 20 them than any other. and
as matter % fact they are completely
in the dark as 20 the number OF gold
seekers who will seek transportation cross
the country. THE estimate ara from 100 go
down. and at all events the revenue 70 Be-
derived from the business will hardly be
less than millions Of dollars
The most perpisx.ng part % tt1e whole
thing is that the railroad men are az
ioes 10 know What 20 do with their pas-
seHgers when they get them 70 .ae Pa
cinc coast. which. In itself will not he 80
difficult. In the event Of a demand for
through transportation 20 Dawson or Sorns
other distant point, the railroad companies
VIII - pa. 10 II. The steamship accom-
mediation 20 Alaska up TO date In an TIA
known quantity. snd she railroad inca do
not care 20 take any chances with IL.
Prom the other point OF view. the paDen-
gers VIII 20. Do coasent with being carried
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1897-12-18
THE PENSION STATISTICS.
NEARLY ONE-HALr OF THE FED
ERAL REVENUES NEEDED.
the Veterans Of the War Beginnanx
to Call for . Check Upon Exten-
sions - Entire Customs Duties
New York Sam

WASHINGTON. Dec. 4-For the nrst
time since the pension appropriations be-
gan 20 assume enormous proportions il
seems certain that the subject Will receive
proper and earnest attention from con-
gress. II begins TO be seen that a pen
SION list which thirty-two years after the
close Of the war closely approximates half
the total number of three-year enlist
menfs. and which is still rapidly growing
demands serious consideration. /, is a
case where the assistance is needed of
the veterans who sprang 10 arms in ls6i
before pensions and hounties were talked
OF or thought OF. Their aid is a pa
triotic duty. now as then. They owe /,
10 themselves TO frown upon unworthy
pensioners upon the rolls and unworthy
applicants.
The pension roll now far exceeds the
membership of all the patriotic societies
or veterans which the war created in
facf Is conside ably more than double The
membership OF all of them-Grand Army
OF the Republic. Union Veteran Legion,
Union Veterans Union, Military Order of
the Loyal Legion. Society of the Army
or the Potomac, Society OF the Army of
the James, Society Of the Army OF the
Tennessee, Society Of the Army of West
Virginia, and the Society OF the Army of
the Cumberland.
Turning from the contamination Of
numbers TO the consideration of the cost,
IL appears that next years expenditure
FOR pensions will require more than half
the yearly receipts as calculated upon
those of the month just closed. The pres
ent estimate Is that the roll will cost
sloo,en.na- To put the matter in still
more striking form, this annual outlay Will
require S2,@o.0eo more than the total ie-
ceipts from customs, estimated upon those
OF the month Of November last as an av-
erage. IL this annual expense be compared
with the Internal revenue receipts es,i-
mated on the same basis. 1t Is found that
the entire revenue from this source, with
the exception of s120o0. COO, will be re-
CURED 10 pay the pension roll
Looked at in another shape. IL a line
could be formed equal In length to one
made up of all the three-year veterans of
the war and every other man should be
advanced pace to the front, the num-
bers In either line would then but slight
iy exceed those on the pension roll, and
more than every other dollar of the gov
ernmcnt revenue would be required 10 pay
IL.
More startling still does the magnitude
of this pension payment appear when its
amount Is compared with the items OF
annual appropriations. These In round
numbers were the appropriations for the
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1897-12-18
HEADS THE LIST.

For the Equivalent In Price No Christmas
Present
WIN In our judgment compare with a
piano or an organ, and believing that a
large ajority Of sxpectant recipients
would concur In this opinion II consulted
in the matter. We have decided to inau-
eurate a schedule Of special prices for the
holidays which practically place within
reach Of nearly IL not all who may have
in contemplation such an elegant gift.
In addition 10 offering the biggest values
ohtanabie In the Northwest, we give you
the benefit u purchasing on extremely
easy terms. SO put anywhere from SIS 20
80 I'm your pocket for the first payment
make your selection. sign a biz of paper
and We viii deliver the instrument any
where within the city limits at our ex-
pense
You are cordially invited 80 cali and In
spact our unusually large and elegant
sock with styles and prices graduated to
accommodate all pockeibooks.
-. s. JOHNSTON
Manufacturers Agent. g13 Second Ave
Burke Block
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1897-12-18

A genuine ghost story has yet 20 Re at
tested put rot so genuine blood purifier
over Snd over again Il has been proved
that Ayers Sarsapariiia stands alone
among medicines as the most reliable
tonic Alternative In pharmacy. i. stood
alone AT .he Worlds Fair