The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-04-10
THE ARIZONA KICKER
MAJOR TiNkHAM, THE klCkER'S TAI
ENTED CORRESPONDENT.

In Editor and His Nc Account Duel In
Omaha-MarrIageabIe Women Popular
In Giveadam Gulch-The Editor Licked
by n Rip Roarer From the Country.
The Kicker will be represented in
Washington this winter by Major Tink-
ham, who is we'll known to the citizens
of Giveadam Gulch as a square man.
During the last 10 years the major has
established and busted five weekly news
papers, run a magazine into the ground
and showed his literary abilities in 9TH
or directions. He has killed three men,
wounded five others and broken in about
100 bucking bronchos. He has kept a
poker room, run a blacksmith shop, act
ed as undertaken and made a success as
an exhorter. We have sized him up
pretty carefully and believe he will sue
coed in Washington. We pay him a sal
airy Of 81 per week. What he gets out
side of that he will have to skirmish
for, and it's our opinion that he will
make the regular correspondents hustle
to keep up with him, He takes with
him a faro layout, a lasso, two guns, a
box of poker chips, six decks of cards, a
warclub and a pair of moccasins, aud
every lie in town will wish him good
luck when he starts.
An Editors Duel.
Mr.. John Ford, editor of the DEVILS
Elbow Herald, has a two column article
in his Issue this week about his duel at
Omaha. If we had been in his place, we
should have kept still about it. 1t seems
that he sat down to eat his dinner with
his hat on, and his use Of the knife also
attracted general attention and made
him an object of ridicule. He challeng-
ed a man who laughed at him, and the
man accepted, but while the prelimina-
ries were being arranged Brother Ford
had to start for home on account of his
baby coming down with measles. He
goes on at great length to tell what he
intended to do, but we don't take any
stock in it. The fact is he made an ass
of himself, and if the people over at the
Elbow don't chain him up he'll make
the town ridiculous and a byword. An
Arizona editor who can't handle q fork
when he's away from home should put
all tools aside and eat with his fingers.
and if he forgets his hat some one should
jam it down over his chin.
Let ,Em Come Here.
One day last week a woman, SO years
old, got off the train at Blue Hill sta
ton to look for her brother, and within
two hours she had 90 offers of marriage.
She was q woman with false hair, bad
teeth, a lame leg and a cataract in one
eye, and yet the crowd fairly swarmed
for her, and at shutdown she was mar
ried to a man worth $50, 600. If there
are any other single ome headed this
way, let ZEN stop off at this town. We
guarantee at least so offers Of marriage
per day for a week, no matter what her
age or looks or physical condition. AS
mayor OF the town we agree to find hus-
bands for 200 manageable women as
fast as they can descend from the stage,
and every man proposing marriage will
be worth at least $3, 900. What Arizona
wants is 5000 more wives, and she
wants 'em SO bad that she cries for 'em.
1t will pay every married woman in the
east not satisfied with her husband to
run away and head in this direction,
and old maids and young girls will be
received with open arms day or night
and proposed to on the spot.
Taking Il Tumble.
The postmaster at this town (who is
ourself), the deputy United States mar
shal for this district (who is ourself),
the mayor of Giveadam Gulch (who is
ourself), the editor of the Arizona
Kicker (same mani and the senator from
this locality (once more) was out on
the street the other day, wearing his
hat On his ear and stepping high and
believing he owned the earth, when a
rip roaring man from the back townships
came along and seemed to be in need of
some fatherly advice. We had given
him about a yard of talk when he sailed
into us, and though we had the idea
that we could pulverize him in less than
three minutes, the critter BACKED both
our eyes and would have driven us into
the earth but for the timely arrival OF
the city marshal. AS a matter of fact,
we were a licked man, and we shall not
try to dodge the fact. And we are fur.
Their ready to add that it wasn't a bad
thing for us. When a man gets to that
point where he imagines he runs this
whole country and is the smartest man
on the face Of the earth, it is a good
thing for him and the rest Of mankind
for somebody to come along and take
him down a few pegs. We own 100
acres of sandy soil just outside of town
and 90 city lots inside of it, but we
have let go Of the earth and shall as.
sumo a very humble demeanor until ouI
eyes go out of mourning.
Society Events.
Among the social events planned fol
the fall and winter are two high teas
and n low coffee by Mrs. Colonel
Stagg. She has already ordered "a blue
bordered napkins from Chicago, and
those who know her ambition to excel
will rest assured that nothing will be
left undone to make these events a royal
flush.
We are given to understand that Mrs.
Judge Whyso has spent the last three
months in st. Louis to learn how to run
a progressive euchre function and that
she will give one soon after her return.