The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1897-10-20


That was an excellent answer admir-
al Jouett once remarked) an able seaman
gave to a landlubber visitor on man
of-war, who asked: What do you sail
ors do?" We'll" responded the jolly
tar, I'VE does about what we please until
we are told to do something else. and
then we does that putty d quick"
DR.. Coke. at one time chaplain OF
Greenwich hospital was according to
James Payn) "a churchman of the
tawny-port- school" When called
in to minister to one of the patients on
his deathbed, and finding him perturbed
as to his ghostly welfare, he comforted
him by saying: Don't concern yourself
about that, my dear fellow, that's my
affair"
Walter Savage Landor, though he often
handled his fellow men somewhat rough
ly hated to see an old tree felled, and
even shrank from plucking a rose. One
morning he collared his man cook and
flung him out of the window. Then,
suddenly remembering on what "bed" in
the garden the man would fall, the flow
er-loving Landor exclaimed: Good
heavens! / forgot the poor violets."
Lord Ligonier's death was once err
| Toneously announced in the newspapers
| and he was eager to prosecute them, His
| lawyers, however, assured him that he
| had no case, having suffered no damage.
| There" he said, you are very much
| mistaken, for l was going to marry a
| great fortune, who thought I was but a.
The papers said was so. and now she
| will not have me-"
| Frederick Locker-Lampson, i'm his re-
| cent autobiography, tells of a patient in
| an English hopital who one morning told
| his servant that he was sure his last i'll
ness was beginning: I'm very ill. Go
| for the doctor; ! have lost my appetite; |
can't get through my penny roll" "Well,"
said John, much relieved, when the
! baker came this morning, all the penny
rolls was gone, sir so | gave you a two
penny roll"
| The Duchesse de Molly, who was one
of the ornaments of the court of Louis
| XIV, came late into church one day, and
| had to derange several persons before
| gaining her seat, What fuss, and all
| about a catin"' (cocottes were so called
| in those days) exclaimed a querulOus old
| gentleman. The duchess turned toward
the censor, and gently said TO him: "Mon-
sieur, since you know me so well, do me
the favor to pray for me-"
| tobaccOnists shop in London and asked
for a certain brand Of tobacco. The shop
! man, not having the kind asked for, and
| not knowing who he was dealing with.
produced another sort, which he thought
might pass for that desired Carlyle took
| the tobacco i'm his hand and examined it;
| then, looking at the shopman, he said:
| Deal in the veracities, sir-deal in the
| veracities," and stalked out of the shop.
At assizes held in a small English coun-
| ty town, where the courts were incOn-
| venicnty near each other, the door be-
tween them being left open, the loud tones
| of Sergeant AS address TO the jury burst
| from one court into the other. The judge
i'm the latter court, being much annoyed,
| shouted aloId: "Mr. Under-Sheriff Please
shut that door" and then, i'm an under
| voice, added: "Il be hanged If Sergeant
A, shall convince two juries at once!'
Audley, the great money lender of the
| Stuart times, purchased an Office In the
Court of Wards, which practically placed
the forum IS of what are now called
| wards IN chancCry" in his hands; and 10
| one who asked the value Of 1t he replied;
| 1T might be worth some thousands of
| pounds to him who after his death. would
! instantly go 10 heaven; three times as
| much to him who would so to purgatory,
and nobody knows what to him who
! would venture farther"
man visiting lunatic asylum recent
| ~ was cOnversing with some of the out
| door patients, when a man rode up on
| horseback, The pace called for comment
among the party, and one of the patients
| said he had seen a horse running much
faster than that one "Oh," exclaimed
the visitor, sotto voce, IL have seen a
| horse flying" "Dlnna let the doctor hear