Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-01-20

Content to let his deeds proclaim
His worth from day to day.
But greater far is he that has
A wealth of words and gail,
And, knowing little, makes the world
Cleveland Leader
ct simply shows" remarked Senator
Sorghum, as he placidly folded his hands
in front of his vest, that there is no use
III trying to satisfy the critics"
''To what case do you refer?"
My own. Half of them say that the
way | have gotten official position was
by using my money. The other half say
that the way | got my money was by
using my official position. And until
they agree in their accusation | shall not
feel called upon to offer any explanation
whatever. Washington Star.
The late Lord Chief Justice of Eng
land used to tell his friends this anec-
dote at his own expense: Driving in his
coupe towards his court one morning, an
incident happened to it at Grosvenor
Square Fearing he would be belated,
he called cab from the street rank, and
babe the Jehu drive him as rapidly as
possible to the Courts of Justice. "And
where are theyw what, London
Courts are at old Temple Barr" ooh,
the Law Courts, is it? But you said
Courts of Justice. '-Tit-Bits.
Dog Fancier-"Yes, madame, / have
all kinds of dogs here. Is there any par
ticular breed you wish?" Old Lady
(who reads the papers}-"Oh, anything
that's fashionable. Lemme see an ocean
greyhound. New York Weekly.
spell ferment and give it's definition
requested the school teacher.
'-E-e-r-m-e-n-t, ferment, to work, re-
sponded the diminutive maiden.
Now place it Ill a sentence, so that
| may be sure you understand its mean
ing" said the teacher.
In the summer [ would rather play
out-of-doors than ferment in the school
house." returned the small scholar with
such decided franllness and unconscious
humor that the teacher found it hard to
suppress smile.-Philadelphia Times
His wife's millinery bill slipped from
his neryeleSS fingers.
The consequences of your CXtraya-
gance.' he solemnly exclaimed, ''be upon
your own head
They were, with the exception of
Thursday afternoons when it was the
COOK day out.
The attendant who had thoughtlessIy
laid his hand on the arm OF the Sultan's
chair jumped back in alarm, eXclaim-
ing:
What is it? An earthquakes"
Not that l know Of" replied the Sui
tan.
Possibly your Majesty has chills and
fever"
NO. l know what you have reference
to. I've read about it in the newspapers
What you felt was the quivering of my
uncertain sovereignty. You needn't pay
any attention to it. It's the same old
totter. Washington Star.
"Wel'' said the absent-minded and
new arrival in Hades, as he mopped his
perspiring brow, there's something to
be thankful for down here, anyway.
Folks won't always be yelling at me to
shut the door" Baltimore News.
A certain noble lord who shall be name
less, during his journey north on Il po-
litcal mission, says the London Tele-
graph, changed his costume for a full
delicate compliment to the land of the
kilt. But when he looked at himself in
the glass, he found that the tailor had
cut his kilt too short; so he made up
He changed his upper garments and
then sat down for q few moments to
study his speech. This set him to sleep
He awoke with Il start, only to find him.
self running into the station. Forgetting
what had happened, he thrust on his hat,
and appeared at the window bowling, and
this is how he was dressed:
He had Il full highland costume as far
as his waist, above were a white shirt
and swallow-tailed coat, and the entire
edifce was crowned with Il chimney-pOt
hat, upon which he sat down without
he stepped upon the platform and felt
the keen wind cutting his bare legs
changed to absolute agony when his valet
appeared, scrambling out of the carriage
with pair Of trousers in his hands, WaV-
ing them wildly and exclaiming: My
lord, my lord, you've forgotten these
-:o:-
Experts have come to the conclusion
that what kills trees in London is not
the SCOT fakes or the want of air or the
drought. but the sewer gas, which at
tacks the roots, so that the tree soon
Withers and dies.
London Punch received the accompany
ing letter from an Oxford undergraduate tie:
Dear Sir-YOu will be interested to
hear Of the curious action of little dog
belonging to q friend on the same stair
case as myself at Brazenface college,
Oxford.
This animal regularly every morning,
at the same hour, brings young kitten
in its mouth and browns it in a tub of
water which always stands in one place
He is invariably accompanied by an old
hen, who personally superintends the
work of destruction, cackling the whole
time as if possessed, as she probably is.
The hen gravely stalks away when the
drowning is completed. To my certain
knowledge no less than thirty-three kit
tens have thus been destroyed on consecu-
tive days.
Now, where does the dog obtain the
kittens? Why does she drown them? Is
it the result of q solemn anti-feline vow?
Is it n vendetta? What is the connecting
link with the old hen? Does the hen en-
ploy the dog to kill the kittens because
cats have injured her eggs or her feel
ings? | confess myself completely baf-
fed. Yours. ever,
"a Solomon HTnder0rad w