The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1897-04-22
BUSINESS is DEAD.
Chicago Undertakers Are Hit by
the Hard Times.
Decreasing Death Rate ana Cheap
Funerals Are the Result Of
the Existing Financial
Depression.

01tsOocS dI0 cOuupldluluS DecduS0 unelr
business is dead. They do not object
to doing business with dead patrons
in fact, they rather like it-but to have
their business get to q state where en-
balming fluid must be used to convince
them that they ever had any is quite
another matter.
It may sound rather strange to say
that the hard times affect the undertake
er, but such is the case. This Is not be-
cause people cannot afford to die.
There is no economy practiced in that
direction. People still die, and the
good die young as they did in days gone
by.
Business has gone to the bow-wows,"
said local undertaken. 1--WE are not
doing anything, comparatively"
"Why is that?" he was asked.
20, times are hard, and all business
feels the general depression. We feel
1t the same as the rest.
"When times are hard" the under
talSer continued, people do not die as
fast as they do when times are good.
That statement may sound a bit odd to
you, but it is an absolute fact. Worry
kills lots of people when times are
hard, to be sure, but worry is not the
friend Of the undertaken. Then there
are suicides, and cases OF death from
want or exposure, but there is no money
in them. The class of people who bring
profit to the undertaken are those who
ire in prosperous circumstances. They
make money, and they spend it. When
they do not make money, they do not
spend it. When they spend it they die.
When they do not spend it they live.
When hard times begin to pinch these
people little they begin to economize.
They do not live so nigh. They do not
eat as rich food. They do not go to the
theater 80 often. and they take less
chances,generally. Men walk instead of
taking cab. They smoke fewer cigars
and they buy less whisky. All of these
things tend to make them more healthy.
They do not run down so soon from
close application to business. Uncon-
sciously they are prolonging their lives
while they are saving their money.
They do not live at as rapid a gait, and
hence they do not die as rapidly. They
find that they can get along without
that dollar luncheon at a downtown
restaurant before they go home, and
at noon they find a glass of milk as sat
isfactory as a small bottle Then they
say: I must wear this old overcoat this
winter and in doing so they uncon-
sciously take more care in keeping it
buttoned up about the neck. They
are not taking off thick puff tie and
putting on a small bow and lighter
suit of clothes to go out and spend the
evening.
Women, especially, are benefited by
this state of affairs. Where a man is
likely to catch cold once, a woman will
catch cold dozen times. When times
are hard they do not attend so many
parties. The dress balls that women
enjoy so much are the means of the un-
doing of more of them than any other
cause. They take off the thick warm
street dresses that they wear in the
winter and discard the warm headgear
that is donned when Jack Frost comes.
Then they put on thin gowns of some
hard, cold material. They wear gowns
of this nature cut low in the neck, and
to finish off they put a covering of lace
over their heads and sally forth to the
opera, the dance-and the grave. When
times are good and money is plentiful,
many more women do this thing every
evening and fairly invite the reaper
with his scythe to come and smite them.
A slight cold caught one night is ag-
gravated the next, and the first thing
you know you read in the papers that
Mrs. So-and-So has pneumonia The
family physician looks wise and leaves
his medicine. The next day he looks
grave and leaves more medicine. Then
he gets worried and calls for consulta-
tion. Things are all against him. The
Patient dies, and then they send for me.
with children it is much the same.
When their parents are running about
they do not notice that Willie is get
ting pale and thin the way they do
when all are gathered about the home
circle. Willie's chances for living to
be president are much better when
his parents see. him enough to know
whether or not he is well. And when
the times are hard Willie eats less can
dy and is healthier boy generally.
Hard times for the people are
healthy times, and healthy times are
hard times for us. The wholesalers
and casket manufacturers nre we'll
nigh discouraged. There is no sale for
their goods and they cannot force busi-
ness with bargain bats or by the offer
OF prizes and novelties. It is no in
ducement to offer a man a chance on a
gold watch if he will die and let you
bury, him.
"Give the undertaken good times,
high living, and brilliant social seasons,
and he will flourish and wax fat, but
give him hard times and he will perish
the same as anyone else."-Chicago
Tribune.
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