The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1897-10-08
COCOANUT CLUB
Meets for Tree Climbing
and Milk Drinking.
A Lay Brother Reads an Original
Poem Dedicated to the
Cocoanut.

Cocoanut Club was held on Friday last
under a grove of trees which the
''searcher" had reported to be produc-
tive of singularly fine liquor. The
official Kahuna delivered an invocation
TO the cocoanut, in the native language,
and the whole company repeated the
ritual with its impressive cabalistic
signs, copied from an inscription or
dered five thousand years ago by Isis,
to be placed on some cocoanut trees
growing on the Nile.
After the calling of the roll, the
President stated that the influence of
the club was pervading the South.
Through its kahuna it had secured the
negotiation of the annexation treaty
by Mr. Mckinley, and if the Emperor
of Japan drank the milk of the cocoa
nut recently sent to him, by the club,
his ecstacies would be so keen he would
take the immigration matter out of dip
lomacy and consent to every request of
Hawaii The club had, in four years,
assembled from the first circle of mys-
tical-psycho-super as APP
piled TO human actions, and was now
climbing over the wall, he might say,
of the ninth circle. All this was due
to the improved quality of cocoanut
milk, secured by the Clubs methods.
The graceful climbing of a tree was,
as the world knew, the first requisite
for membership. Many candidates had
been rejected. Some heart-rending
scenes had occurred, when men we're
v-afatCnd admission and ca anhan thniT
life hopes. The prehensile strength of
the feet, the power to wind the foot
and toes around a tree was, he be-
lieved, the foundation-stone, the de-
structive feature of the Clubs claim to
be recognized as coming next to the
British Association in scientific organi-
cations He had noticed the gradual in
crease in the prehensile strength of
the feet of the members. 1t had been
said by some people with fiat feet that
this was only a Club of apes. He felt
sure that every member was with him,
when he said that it was about time
10 revive the early ideals of the race,
and in a spot where the cocoanut -four
ished mans feet should adapt them
selves to the tree, rather than the tree
should shorten itself, and lower its
fruits to man. 1t had been discovered
by German psychologist and physiol-
ogist that the nerves of a prehen-
sile foot went directly to the brain
centres, and the greater the prehen-
sile strength, the larger was the action
of the brain. 1t was now well known
that men who failed in life, either as
statesmen, soldiers, sailors, or business
men, were very deficient in prehensile
strength. Wellington's feet were much
longer than those of Napoleon. He
hoped that President Hosmer, Prof
Scott and Prof. Richards would see the
gross error of their ways and give this
matter more consideration in fixing
the status of boys. 1t was known that
Darwin, before his death, wrote a
paper on this subject, fully sustaining
the views of the club, but it was chew
ed up by a favorite goat he was teach
ing to read, and he died before he
could replace it. Wallace and Weiss
man had not agreed out of mere jeal-
ousy. Here the tired members began
to drink the milk of the cocoanut. The
gurgling sound, united to that of the
waves breaking on the near beach,
produced a weird music, which the
master of the club put into a score,
which Prof. Berger will produce as
the minuet of the club)
The member from Palolo rose and
asked if he would be permitted to
speak on the virtues of a deceased
member, who had died lin the line of
duty" that is, had fallen from cocoa
nut tree.
The member from Kalihi objected
No one with sufficient prehensile
strength could fall from a tree. AS
well eulogise soldier who had killed
himself in battle by pointing the butt
of his gun at the enemy and then pull
ing the trigger with a string. 1t was
simply suicide Would President Dole
be entitled to a tomb in Westminster
Abbey if the Punahou boys drove out
his government and established an
other Republic? The deceased member
had failed in his duty.
1t was said that the deceased mem
Der, in his dying moments, during a
delirium, had worked his feet on the
bed post, as if it were a cocoanut tree.
Why had he not worked them on the
bed itself and saved his own honor,
and that of the club?
The eulogium was not permitted.
uG SEN4CAdlg SdlQ ne udu ISCclNGu d
letter from resident of Norfolk, Ire
land, stating that he had discovered
an absolute cure for alcoholic intern
perance in the use of the milk of the
cocoanuts from trees especially grown
for that purpose. He would read it at
the next meeting.
The poet of the club read the follow
ing poem, in the native language, the
careful translation of which follows
the original:
HE PULE NIU.
Ella kou niu la, Ike Akua!
Niu hiwa, niu lelo,
Niu haohao, niu o Waikiki.
Nohea ka niu?
No Wawau ka niu,
No Upolu ka niu,
No Kukulu Kahiki ka niu.
Heaha ko loko?
He wal ko loko,
He momona ko loko,
He ono ko loko,
He kena ko loko,
He maona ko loko
Kupu ka niu,
Kupu Ike kanaka,
Ono 10 ufr