Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-08-05
STRIVING TO PLEASE
= Show man u no Mas yyiiiixG 30 DC
More Than Most WouId DO.

NCre Than SfoSt Would DO.
Il always strive to please, remarked
the dramatic editor, DIS he scratched the
words big thing" out of the advance
| notice he was writing and substituted
'megatherian aggregation
Thanks. L am sure" said the adj
vance agent, as he read over the ten
lines the dramatic critic was giving
him, and carefully put back into his
pocket the half-column notice he had
first drawn on the d. c.
Il presume" smiled the &. c, that
You always strive to please, too, don't
you?''
Not always" in a semidisappointed
tone, but / used to have a friend who
did. He really was the most self-deny-
ing chap L ever saw, and what he
wouldn't do TO please an audience
wasn't worth doing"
Where is he now?"
Dead"
.Dead?"
YES, it killed hi-l It was this way:
He was in the pyrotechnic branch OF
the dramatic art, and used to give shows
at one OF those imitation Coney islands
to be found c. nearly every sandbar
| in nearly eve river tributary to the
| Mississippi. lie had been the origin
ator of the fireworks feature at this
place, and his phenomenal success had
made him 50 proud that he would
| sooner ha- died than had a failure.
One Fourth of July he was going 10
give the grandest display of his life,
and the feature in the biggest letters
on the bin was a set piece hundred
/ feet high. with an enormous balloon
/ loaded with fireworks to go up from
| the top as q grand finale. There were
| ten times as many people there that
night as there had ever been, and my
friend was feeling SO good yon could
see ii III his walk.
Every body was ON edge, toe, for the
gnand blaze of glory the management
had been advertising for weeks, and
when, promptly at the hour Of ten
| o'clock, my friend strutted forth like
a peacock to set eff the great display
| with his own hand there was round
| of applause, followed by Il dead silence
as the audience sat breathless watch
| ing for the burst of blazing glory. But
somehow it didn't burst. The profess
scr fired the train and Tetreated to a
safe place, but the powder wouldn't
burn. 1T tizzled and went out, instead.
| Once. twice, thrice it fzzled, sputtered
| and went out. and then the crowd began
to growl and guy, as crowds always
| will, and the professor began to get
| wild.
Several other attempts TO set the
piece oil. were no more successful, and
at last, with a smothered scream of
crazy rage, be shot up the ladder of the
tower To its very top, where he had a
platform stored with all sorts OF in
flammable and explosive things. ar
| ranged to 90 off at the proper time.
lie stood there a moment silhouetted
| against the sky, the crowd INDUCING
in gibes and jeers, with now and then
| a threat as to what he might expect
| if he would only come down to the
| ground. This was his time to show
what he could do to please his audience,
and in a minute, and before anybody
had any idea what he would do next, he
caught up an arnGul Of the explosives
about him, fastened them to his clothes,
and hung wreaths and rings over his
neck and shoulders, and setting the
whole thing afre, he swung out into
the air in the balloon. which was al
ready Juggling at its anchor
CAS- the balloon shot up, it was ter
rife sight, and the poor DEVILS shricka
added to the intensity of the scene, al.
ready lurid with red and blue lights,
while the air was filed with all manner
| of bursting bombs and crashing ex-
pIosives. Women tainted, men ran
helpIessly about shouting, and still the
| balloon swept upward with its fiery
| freight and passenger, until when 1t
| had reached a point about q thousand
| feet above the earth, it caught fire ana
| the whole burning mass shot like q
blazing ball straight to the ground.
You Will be safe in betting those peo-
| pie never saw such an exhibition as that
| before. nor will ever again III all proba-
| lility, and when it was over" concluded
! the agent, the audience seemed to re-
alize what the professor had done to
! please them, and they Clipped in and
built him monument where he fell,
having on it, besides his name and the
proper dates, no other inscription ex-
, cept He Strived to Please"
The dramatic critic was at least half
a minute in recovering his speech after
the recital of this remarkable tale, and
before Ise could ask any questions the
advance agent had folded his tent like a
circus and stolen away to the office of
| the next. dramatic criticize had to call
upon.-INa sahington' Star.