davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
PlTH AND POINT.

---At New York Club.-"Hoot ava,
mon! Hoo re ye the day?'' "Ou,. aye.
Brawlie, brawliel Thank ye for speir-
in'."-Life. 49, ,-.~. p. :.
-Bob-"Where did you get that neck
tie?" Billy-'My wife gave it to me TO
remember her BY" "Goodness! she's
not as ugly as that, is she ?"-Yonkers
Statesman.
-Professor-"You disturbed nv lee
ture yesterday by loud talking" Stu
dent - Impossible" "But L heard
you" 'Then must have talked in nv
sleep.-Fliegende Batter.
In an advertisement for a Young
gentleman who left his parents, it was
stated that ''if Master Jacky will re-
turn to his disconsolate parents he shall
be allowed to sweeten his own tea."-
Tit-Bits.
1T must have been very tender
hearted butcher who killed this lamb"
said the Cheerful Idiot, pausing in the
saving of his chop. 'Why?' kindly
asked another boarder. ''He must have
hesitated three or four years before
striking the fatal blow Indianapolis
journal.
There's lots O. min," said Mr.. Raj
ferty, "thot ATTRACTS gred deal av at
tention widout much thot's substantial
to show fur it," ''Thrue fur yez," re-
Piled Mr.. Dolan; "the Eghtest man runs
up the ladder fastest. But it do be the
wan that brings bod O. bricks wild i'm
that rally counts" -London Figaro.
-Dashaway-"Hello, Uncle Jasper, ]
haven't seen you for long time" Uncle
Jasper-"No, sab. De fac is, Use SO
shabby dat kinder hate t. pear fore
spectacle follzs.' Dashaway-"Well,
now, uncle, if I should offer you the
choice between good glass of whisky
| and pair of trousers I've got upstairs
which would you take?" Uncle Jasper
(scratching his head)-"Well, boss
OATS a powerful hard nut to crack. But
I spec if had dat glass O. whisky frs
I'd be dat good I could elocute yo' inter
givin' me dat pair of pants, sab" liar.
lem Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

as soon as he alluded to It. especially
as her silence evidently did not arise
from any lack of interest. She was
staying at a boarding house, and but
for Nellie's kindness would have had
but dull time of it. -
The major observed, with approval
that Jack, too, was kind to her; for he
thought it an excellent sign that he
should wish to please Miss Bloxham by
little attentions to her friend. On the
whole, he was satisfied with the way
things were going-or so he told him
self-and he could not understand why
he found a hitherto unknown difficulty
in sounding Miss Bloxham on the sub
ject, and gently preparing the way for
Jacks suit.
OF course, Jack was in love with her:
how could he fail to be, knowing her so
well as he now did? Why, even he, the
major, was more than half in love with
her himself, as he owned, with a sigh
tc his cigar; and he was old enough to
know the folly of it; how, then, should
young fellow like Jack escape? No,
give them time; nothing but time was
needed now-and very little more of
his judicious management-to bring the
matter to successful conclusion, and
transform Miss Nellie Bloxham into
Mrs. Mackintosh-Mrs. Jack Mackin.
tosh. All, what difference that one
little word made!
The major called himself an old fool
for his pains, and refused to think of
what, perhaps, might have happened,
had he only been dozen or fifteen years
younger; but for him-a man of so, oh,
no; it was out of the question:! ,
And so the first week of Jacks visit
came to an end.
The little expeditions, however, did
not come to an end; on the contrary,
Maj. Macintosh redoubled his exer-
tons, for he was growing extraor-
dinarily anxious to have the affair set
tied; and the more he saw of Nellie, the
more he was convinced that Jack would
be the luckiest fellow in the world if he
won her. And he must win herI The
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
HE WAS INTRODUCED TO HER

To do so at so early stage in the pro-
sceedings would have been contrary to
all precedent. No, he must middle it
out for himself, and only have the boy
down to make the lady's acquaintance
when he had finally made up his mind
las to which of the half dozen it was
to be.
And, after all, it proved to be none of
them! -.
No, despite the earnest cogitations of
months, and all the careful study of six
specimens of girlhood, the major sud-
denly made up his mind that Nellie
lBloxham was the one woman in the world
for Jack, and this within five minutes
of his first introduction to her! The
girl charmed him, and he at once de-
cided that she must marry Jack. A let
ter was despatched that very evening
1 and few days later the young fellow
Joined his uncle at the watering place
where he had been SO fortunate as tc
make Miss Bloxham's acquaintanc ~
.'Well, Jack have you got your leave
~or is. this only a Saturday to Monday
trip q =, was the first question he asked
when they met at the station.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

Princess Henry of Pless has sent an
appeal to every Englishwoman married
to German in the German empire.
The princess wishes to collect from her
fellow country women a SUM of money
to buy handsome present to give
close Of the sixt,eth year of her reign.
Hundreds Of Englishwomen have re-
sponded to the appeal, and the sum col
lected is likely to be large one. More
Englishwomen are married to Germans
than to members of any other nation.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

NJ. Jesserand, one of the none too
numerous Frenchmen. who write en-
English subjects with minute personal
knowledge, is about TO publish another
of his volumes on topics of quaint his
torical interest. This time it is 1.-THE
Romance of q Scots King" meaning
James l., who lightened his imprison-
ment by writing verses and making
love.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
CHEAT EXAMINERS.
How Girls Get Up Schemes to Pass for
Government Positions

How Girls Get Up Schemes to Pass for
Government Positions.
Examiners report that fully so ner
cent. of the failures in government ex-
aminations are due to inability to spell
correctly, SO it is not matter of verv
great surprise to find candidates en-
deavoring to guard against possibility
OF failure by the illicit use of diction-
aries. At an examination for lady clerk
ships, one of the candidates was seen to
have constant recourse to huge SMELL
ing-bottle which stood on her desk.
The lynx-eyed inspector, however, no.
ticed that previous to applying it to her
nose she invariably gazed into the in
terror, apparently anxious to ascertain
It's contents. Being suspicious that mat
ters were not exactly as they should be,
he expressed desire to examine the
bottle, and promptly had his suspicious
verified, for the contents proved to be
q hexagonal-shaped roller, on each side
OF which was inscribed in minute char
acters a large number of words usually
misspelled. The roller communicated
with small screw on the outside of the
bottle, the turning of which brought
the several faces of the roller successive
ly into view.
AT the same examination a girl was
discovered to be in possession of a
handkerchief on which number of
words were written. Another fruitful
cause of failure is the inability of can
didates to reproduce the memory map
which usually forms the most important
part of an examination in geography.
Several instances have been discovered
of candidates copying from miniature
maps scratched on coins and other small
articles. Another dodge is as follows:
Upon small piece of wood is traced the
outline of a map and then at short in
tervals in the outline sharpened pieces
of fine wire are placed (the fine ends of
needles are usually used). When this is
pressed upon paper the points, of
course, make an impression, and when
these are joined a very fair representa-
ton of a map is produced. Thus, hav-
ing copy in miniature, the drawing of
an excellent map is very easy matter.
-Cassell's Saturday Journal
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

oUdnC, LUZ uO AdO ucNcl A1UOIcO W uldhts
any match as he had labored for this.
Oh, he must speak seriously to Jack
about it! AS to Miss Bloxham, she
must surely suspect something of his
hopes, and she had not discouraged
them; she always agreed readily to all
his plans, and treated him with marked
consideration; and, of course, it must
be on Jacks account. To imagine any
thing else would be-oh, no; he wasn't
quite such fool as that!
'Jack, have you thought over what
said to your" he asked, abruptly, one
day, as they were walking back to their
hotel.
''What about? You've said good
deal at different times"
ooh, about settling, you know!"
ITO be sure I have! There's lot in
it." This was distinctly encouraging,
yet the major felt his heart sink unac.
ceuntably. "In fact, I think shall act
on it."
"You're thinking seriously of SET
ting, my boy?"
''Most seriously, to tell the truth"
And there was a twinkle in Jacks eye
as he spoke. II was just going to tell
you that I've already asked-some one
to settle me, and she's promised to
do it,"
There was moments silence. Then
the major pulled himself together and
wrung Jacks hand.
IL congratulate you with all my heart,
my boy!" he said, huskily.
"Thank you. She's dear little girl,
and thinks no end of you. She has no
father, you sec, and so
''Ies, yes, I quite understand" The
major felt that this was little too
much. II think she must know how
I've set my heart on it" he added.
''Not a bit of it! She feared you had
quite other views for ME. Indeed, it
was all Miss Bloxham and I could do to
persuade her.
"Her? Whom?''
''Why, Mile, of course. She fears
my marrying her."
"Millie! Marrying Millie?"
Eyes. Surely you must have seen"
"And what does Miss Bloxham saw to
this?'
"Oh, she's delighted. We are all such
friends, you know"
"Friends! Marry Mile! And but
for that little marplot you might have
married Miss Bloxham-''
"Not a bit of it. You are mistaken
there. Even had ever wished it, she
wouldn't have had me-
''Who told you sop
Nobody; but I'm not quite fool,
any more than you are quite hundred,
because-Uncle, Ni.lie is not the mar
plot, but-quite Another person!" sig
nifcant1y.
'By Jove!" exclaimed the major.
DO you think I've any chance
Jack p 49,. r..
Jack laughed, not unkindly.
''Go and see," he said.
And the major went.
So, after all, he made an excellent
match for Miss Bloxham, and Mrs
Macintosh never regretted that Jack
was not the bridegroom. Household
! Words. 5s5s.S FL sa ...5
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
THE GAME GRAY SQUIRREL.
Timid and Wary. 1t Can Fight In Its Own
nofnnao

Timid and Wary, 1t Can Fight In Its Own
p Defense.
The gray squirrel is no doubt the
gamiest quadruped that inhabits the
Pennsylvania forests. To lure the gray
squirrel from its haunts, or get within
range of the animal, is task that re-
auires the skill of an experienced hunt
er. There is as much difference in the
nature of the gray squirrels of the for
ests and the gray squirrels of the parks
as there is between the fierce wild cats
of the Rockies and the household tab
bies of New York. A gray squirrel is
rarely seen on the ground. When it
wishes to change its position to neigh
boring tree it will hang to the trunk
within five feet of the ground, then,
surveying the surroundings, will dart
like lightning to the next tree and soon
be lost in the labyrinth of branches.
Although the gray squirrel is SEEM
ingly the widest and most timid of
game animals. it displays great cour-
age when its home is invaded by an
enemy.
A New Yorker who had been hunting
in the Nippenoss valley, Lycoming
county, Pa, relates an interesting COM
bat between gray squirrel and black
snake. my attention" he said, twas
drawn to rumpus of some sort in a
nearby oak tree. On making an inves-
tigatiou I found huge black snake
and gray squirrel in deadly combat.
The snake was making an attempt to
gain access to the squirrels nest, but
he had evidently undertaken a more
difficult task than he had bargained
for. So ferociously and effectually did
the courageous little animal attack tho
snake that the long. 1.-the body relaxed
its hold on the limb and dropped to the
ground. All the fight was knocked
out Of tho snake by his dizzy fall, but
the squirrel was just getting warmed
up to his best fighting heat. He darted
down the tree and took after his un-
welcome intruder. He then made an
other onslaught on the snake by claw
ing and biting it with his sharp claws
and teeth. The squirrel cleverly avoid
ed the wicked strikes of his antago-
mist. The combatants approached to a
few feet Of me before they observed
my presence, then they disappeared as
quick as lightning. Had not the fight
been interrupted, there would no doubt
have been one less reptile in Lycoming
county."-N. Y. Mail and Express.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
lnveterate Gamblers.

:. It is notorious that Chinese coolies,
having labored for years in foreign
countries to amass an independence,
will gamble the whole away during the
first few days of their homeward voy-
age and have to work their passage
back in the next ship.-N. Y. Sun.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
Same Old OAe.

II am surprised that Jones should
turn out to be so incorrigible a liar"
= I'm not. What else could you ex.
pect from man with a hook nose and
fshy eyes p
(Fish liar joke. Form 11,367.)-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer. b
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

She had been looking at herself in the
said, "but after what we've been through
in the last few years these tight sleeves ac-
tually make me feel immodest." - London
FIGARO
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
Florida, Cuba and Jamaica

Illustrated, descriptive Of Sthe land beyond
the frost line" will be sent upon receipt OF
four cents in stamps by L. A. Bell, Western
Passenger Agent Plant System, 312 Mar
quette Building, Chicago, Ills. The Plant
System of Railways and Steamship Lines
reach the finest winter resorts in the world
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

Don't imagine that wall flowers at dance
have no amusement; they make fun of the
dancers-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

Piso's Cure for Consumption has no equa
az Cough medieine;-F; N; Abbott, SO
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

In winter eciatica is worse. Any time
st. Jacobs Oil is the best cure.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

A promising mine will as surely ruin
nan in time as promising horse.-Atchiso
G1ohe
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

!. ~ - seemed t r
empty and purposeless now that he had
left the army; and, as he was still
vigorous, energetic man, he needed some
wholesome vent for his activity. Match
making provided him at once with an
interest and an occupations; it gave him
plenty to think of by night, and to do
by day. Without it, he would have
1t, he was the cheeriest and the most
self-important. It is very good thing
sometimes to have little weakness.
OF course, the major prided himself
on his tact and delicacy, and fondly
fancied nobody ever saw through his
transparent little articles. So sure of
this was he, indeed, that he not infre-
quently explained them at some length
to the persons principally concerned, SO
that they might know just when and
how to act under any given circum-
stances; very wise precaution, and
one that saved an immense amount Of
trouble and misunderstanding. But
though he took every care to guard
against failure, matters would occasion
ally go wrong, and the most perfectly
planned match came to nothing, greatly
to the majors dismay. But he was
a reasonable man on the whole, and
when he knew he was beaten he accept
ed defeat philosophically. Yes, when
he knew he was beaten; but as a bold
Briton and a soldier, he was very hard
to convince on this point, and some
times struggled on manfully long after
defeat was foregone conclusion.
Despite his weakness-or, possibly,
even in consequence of 1.-THE major
was popular, and men and women alike
found much to admire in him. His man.
ner might be little brusque, but his
means were ample, and this was
a great point in his favor, es-
pecially where the unmarried ladies
OF his acquaintance were concerned.
For they were not blind to the
fact that he, the matchmaker, would
be most excellent match; and to many
of them it seemed pity that he should
spend so much time and trouble in pro-
viding for his friends happiness while
his own remained unsecured. More that
one Hnd-hearted woman-though talk
ing small interest in his efforts to settle
other people would gladly have helped
him to arrange a match for himself;
but it was all to no purpose. Whether
he saw nothing or too much no one
knew, but the result was the same. The
matchmaking major remained unmar-
ried, and on excellent terms with all
fhe ladies who would willingly have
married him; fact which alone spoke
volumes for his good feeling and capital
management, indeed, it were not
purely a matter of luck.
The major had but one near relative
in the worid-his nephew, Jack Mack
intosh. Jack was in a government Of
flee, and as he-was now % years of age,
his uncle began to think seriously of
arranging match for him. He had
long had his eye on at least half dozen
sufficiently pretty girls, any one of whom
might be just the right thing for the
young fellow-if only none of the other
five should prove to be better! The
major was very anxious that Jacks
match should really be triumph, and
it cost him much thought, and grave
weighing of pros and cons for months,
before the critical time came. Of course,
he did not consult Jack in the matter.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

Just try 10c box of Cascarets candy ca.
thartic, finest liver rand bowelregulator made.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

The more winter the more rheumatism.
Plenty of St. Jacobs Oil to cure it.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

No one likes bologna sausage outside
q STANDARDIZATION Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

It is a rare man who gets anything but
bills and kicks in his letters these DAYS.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

Fits stopped free and permanently cured.
No fits after first days use of DR.. Kline's
Great Nerve Restorer. Free 81 trial bottle &
treatise. DR.. Kline, 933 Arch st., Phila., Pa.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

There was young maiden named Grace,
Once the prettiest girl in the place;
But she's changed great deal
Since she took to the wheel,
For she now has bicycle face.
Up to Date.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25
IaES,Ilo!R!!Y'!. Tknk$
y =
A MILITARY MATCHMAKER,

4 j . M A C K + N
TOSH was a very
good fellow, but he
had one little weak
ness; he was a
most inveter a t e
matchmaker.
No doubt there
was some excuse
for him. Ii fe
seemed r a t b e r
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

Cold creeps down the spine, then 1um.
bago. St. Jacobs Oil creeps in, then cure.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-02-25

The first question q woman asks fortune
teller is if her husband is true to her.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-12-20

The inadequacy OF the Newberry insane
asylum to accommodate the insane per-
sons of the Upper Peninsula ia to be de-
plored, and In the interest OF these IN
fortunate people the asylum should be
Immediately enlarged.
Houghton county contributes very
large number each year, no less than
twenty one persons having been al
juged insane the past year At the pres
emit time there are six persons confined in
the Jail at Houghton, who have been ad-
judged insane, but who can not be ad-
mitted to the Newberry asylum until
place Is made for them there by the cure
or death OF an equal number OF the in
mates OF that institution. Some oil these
have been in Jail several weeks, and az
the Jail is not suited nor adapted to their
proper care or comfort, their appearance
often becomes more like that OF Gagged
wild animals, rather than that OF human
beings, whose unfortunate condition en-
titles them to the very best care and at
tention possible.
At present the care and keeping OF these
insane persons costs the county more
than it does to house and feed those who
have been regularly committed to Jail.
In some instances an attendant Ia
Obliged to devote almost bis entire time
to one person whose insanity renders him
well-nigh uncomfortable. Their presence
is also canse Of great annoyance to the
county officers, as well as to those who
yisit the court house on business, for the
maniacal yels that emenate from the
cells where these people are coDfined are
neither pleasant nor consolin2. Yet Tor
some time past one OF these insane per-
sons has kept up continual yell, lasting
all day long and well into the night. The
neighborrng residents too, are greatly
annoyed in this way and are beginning
to complain. One thing is certain, either
the State should make room for these in
diyiduals, or else the county should make
provision to give these people the care
and attention that their unfortunate ana
helpless condition demands.
Undoubtedly the reason steps have not
already been taken in furnishing some
suitable place for the confinement Of our
insane. Is that the people of the county
are not aware OF what thu patients as
well as the officers have to contend with,
otherwise complaints would have been
made to the supervisors that a proper
place for the confinement OF these pa
tents be furnished. la the interest OF
suffering humanity something should be
done, and that at once, for their comfort
and safe keeping. l. it not in the power
of our board Of supervisors to expend the
county's money in furnishing place
suitable for our insane patients?
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-12-20

The clever hands OF a woman will keep
the house from becoming cheerless and
stupid, il she has even half a chance, 1t
does not take much money, but it does
take some. This also depends upon your
keeping posted as TO where you can buy
the best goods for the least money. 1t IL
our business to get them for you and we
repeat the invitation for you to visit our
store. il only to walk through and see
the fine display OF parlor suits, easy
chairs, large upholstered rockers. divans,
sofas, couches, lounges, mahogany par
lor suits. curly birch chairs, chamber
suits, sideboards, extension tables, china
closets, buffets, combination cases. book
cases, ladies' desks and in fact. every
thing in the line of furniture to make the
home comfortable and pleasant. One Of
the best things you can do is to buy
Your wife or sweetheart a nice piece OF
furniture for the parlor for an Xmas gift.
j. N. MITCHELL,
Quincy Street, Hancock, Mich.
The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-12-20
Quincy Street, Hancock, Mich.

Another OF the Lake Superior pioneers
departed from this mundane sphere yes.
terdsy IN the person OF Mr.. Michael Fin
negaD, who died at O'Clock last even.
ing, The deceased was perhaps one OF
the best known characters OF the copper
country, aud for years was very promi-
neDt member OF the democratic party,
who bonored him with the nomination OF
presidential elector, but for some time
before his death had retired from the
political arena. A notice OF the de-
ceased's life will appear in tomorrow's
Issue. The funeral will take place on
Wednesday morning at o o'clock from
st. IgDatius church with interment at
the Forest Hill cemetery.