The Opelousas courier., 1897-05-15
UUMOR OF THE DAY.

l. ACG3 "'oA "iA wa AO>J
you'd be quite a catch then, wouldn't
you?"-Truth.
"What is pronunciation, Uncle
Jim?" SIT is something you hunt up
in a dictionary one day and forget the
next. Chicago Record.
Editor Ito comic paragraphisD-
"Your jokes lack originality" Comic
Paragraphist (irritably)-"So does
your criticism."-Tid Bits.
"Do you Think that Virgins is
really your friend?" Gosling-"I
suppose so; he's always giving me
disagreeable advice Truth.
Bacon-"I see the editor has como
out for athletics" Egbert-"That's
strange! He told me he was going
in for them. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Cynthia-''Do you think Frank will
love me when I am old, Maud?"
Maud-"Well, there's one thing, dear
you'll soon know."-Pick-M e.Up.
"Is the sail the only thing that
guides a ship?" asked the green pas.
senger. "No," said the mate. ''There
are rudders. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Kind Lady-"What would you like
to eat, my poor man?' Tired Ire
fethen-"Soup, if you have it. 1t
doesn't need chewin'
Physician-''You have only a few
minutes to live. Have you any last
wish?" Patient-sI wish I had en-
gagged another doctor Yale Record.
With the first pull the bell rope
parted. The sexton was in despair.
Then q happy thought struck him,
and he wrung his hands. -Indianapo-
lis Journal.
Mrs. Ton-s'You used to say I was
the light OF your life" MI. Ton
eyes; and. I suppose that's why you
are so easily put out now we are mar
ried."-Judy.
The Observation-Disclosures you'll
You have cut my cheek" The Barber
-''By Jove, SO | have! I was won
dering what had taken the edge off my
notwithstanding.
Riggs-"Halloa, old man!' Briggs
-"Excuse me, sir; you have. the adj
van,age of me-" eyes. I guess l have.
We were engaged to the same girl,
but you married her."
Friendly Criticlsm.-Artist-"Thi
is one of those peculiar pictures that
one has to be far off to appreciate"
Shetland way off to paint, l
imagine. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Ted-"How did that English noble
man manage to borrow the money
from Chollie?" Ned-"On being IN
troduced he asked him if he wasn't
born on the other side. Judge.
Often and Often. -"Ah, my poor
man," said the benevolent old lady,
ST suppose you are often pinched by
want and hunger, are you not?"
"Yessum; and by de cops."-Clncln'
natl Commercial Tribune.
"It's a shame" cried the young
wife; t'not d thing in the house fit to
eat. I'm going right home to papal"
"If you don't mind, DEAR" said the
husband, reaching for his hat, "Tll
90 with you."-Yonkers Statesman.
Waiter Ito cook)-"Steak for onel
Gent don't want it raw, nor he don't
want it burnt black" Cook-(an.
grily)-sIs that what he said?'
Waiter-s'No; not exactly. l asked
him how he wanted it, an he said
medium "-Spare Moments.
Mamma-sI don't see why you call
Daisy Martin selfish. think she is
a very nice little girl" Ethel-"Oh,
mamma, but she is selfish! She's al
ways at the head Of the class, and she
won't let any OF the rest of us get
ahead OF her."-Harper's Bazaar.
"What do you mean, sir" roared
the irate father, "by bringing your
trunk to my house and ordering q
room?" "I'm adopted as n of the
family" coolly answered the young
man. "Your daughter said she would
be a sister to me."-Detroit Free
Press.
Customer-"I don't see how any
body can handle a big stock OF glass
like this without doing a lot OF break
ing" Persuasive Salesman-"They
can't, ma'am. Two firms broke all tc
pieces trying to handle this lot. That's
why VI e can sell it so cheap.'-Chieeeot
Tribune. n.y.
He-"I suppose your thoul1ts were
ell on your new bonnst Hiring thu
sermon this morning?" sne-"No
indeed, they we're not" VI dom
believe you can repeat anything thai
was said during the service Ives
I can, too. I heard a lady behind M
say, isn't it stunningP"
81 don't like your milk" said the
mistress of the house. "WhatI
wrong with it, mum?" '1t's dread
fully thin, and there's no cream OF
it," "After you have lived in thu
town a while, num-" said the milk
man, encouragirgly, "you1l get owe
them rooral ideas of your'n."-Ilt
Bits.
Theoretically" remarked the ma
who had lived in flats for years
"there are always two sides to a story
Practically, however, after you &c
above the fourth story, the insid
doesn't amount to much" He spok
somewhat lightly, as knowing the pc
tency of an affectation- of gayety an
insouciance to tighten the sterne<