davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
DRINK WAS HIS REGIMEN.
Old Yeoman Who Hadn't Been to Bed
Sober Once in Fifty
Years.

From the San Francisco Argonaut.
The late Justice Denman once triel a
case in an agricultural parish which mainly
turned upon the recollections of the oldest
inhabitants. One of these was a hale and
vigorous yeoman of 81. whose erect figure,
keen intelligence and clear testimony Gre
ated SO strong a sensation in the court that
the Judge questioned him concerning his
mode of life. The witness explained tina.
he was a vegetarian and a total abstainer.
The Judge. in dismissing him., expressed a
hope that all who were present might pro-
fit by his example. and then the next wit
ness was called. This was another yoeman
the elder brother Of the preceding. and fully
a match for him in strength. activity and
Intelligence. AS he was about to retire the
judge stopped him with the observation:
st presume that you also. Mr.. Greenfield.
are indebted for the preservation of your
strength and faculties to a careful observ-
ance of the same sobriety and the same reg
linen which has been SO well described to
US by your brother?' Hadn't been to bed
sober for fifty years, my lord" was the un-
blushing and unexpected reply.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
BRAZIL'S COMING ELECTION.
HI LEADING CANDIDATES WHO
WILL BE BEFORE THE PEOPLE.
Governor CampOs SALES In the Choice
of the Government Party for the
Chief NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
for Opposition.

The two parties who will contest the next
presidential election in Brazil nave now
selected their candidates-the Government:
party choosing Governor Campos SALES. OF
San Paulo. for the presidency, and Senator
Rosa de Silva, of P~ernambuco, for the vice
presidency. while the opposition party has
chosen Senator Lauro Sodre, ex-governor
of Para, and Senator Fernando Lobo. OF
Mfnas Geraes. for the same offices.
DIR. Campos SALES and the present pres
ident, Prudente de Moraes, were the first
Republican members of the commons dur
ing the tim of the empire; It is. therefore.
natural, so to say, that one should succeed
the other. Since the election of DR.. Cam
ros SALES 10 the commons, in 1884, his pop
ularity has constantly increased. both at
home and abroad. where he Is known as the
Brazilian Gambetta," a very appropriate
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
SAVED MOUNT VERNON.
washinEton's Home Preserved by the
Efforts of a Virginia

Woman.
Few of the visitors at Mount Vernon are
aware that when being shown through
sweet faced old lady who resides there
that it was due to the efforts Of their
guide that the old house was saved from
iived there her f since the atss cl aan Of the Evil w Hn:
Vernon Association bought the property:
and p neT be energy Sse me lf pi : to f fbeir f ano
mer condition. Miss Cunningham Is a ma
tive V%irginian of gentle birth: One day in
and hear hearing nsei the steamer a1 bell toll when
possessed with an idea about Mount Yer
great-grandnephew Of the first president,
John Augustine Washington. 1t was in a
state of decay and the generous hospital
ing stranger as a guest, made the expendi-
ture of money for repairs utterly impos-
sible. Miss Cunningham, inspired by her
Her first call was to the women of the
South. and on July L; 1854, the first meet.
ing was held. Edward Everett was one of
result of his lectures $685. 900 was contrib
Northern people withdrew when they
esaane to u pdiapb but on March il. 1856.
the Ladies' Mount Vernon Association was
formed. A certain congressman vowed he
would defeat the association, but at a
critical time Mr.. Washington showed his
loyalty and just at the time when Miss
Cunningham was ready to die from over
anxiety and encouragement a definite con-
clusion was reached. After that she lay
in a stupor for three weeks. In addition
to the actual price of the plantation 100000
had to be raised for repairs, and when
matters were progressing finely the civil
war broke out and confusion was the re,
suit. Mount Vernon was neutral ground
war ended the property was bought and
Miss Cunningham appointed guardian.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
FLASHES OF FUN.

Friend-"This seems to be a comfortable
fiat" Harlemite-'.It does. 1t makes that
impression on everybody who doesn't live
IN it."-Puck.
Mistress-"Bridget. are there any letters
for me this morning." Bridget-"Only two
postal cards. but there's nothing of import
ance in acknowledgements Batter.
II am told" remarked Miss Cayenne.
that you said some very clever things last
eIening." Yes" replied Willie Wishing
ton; lit is very Encouraging" What is?"
The surprised manner in which every
body is talking about it.'-Washing,on
Star.
Seems to me I've seen your face be-
fore?" said the judge. peering through his
spectscles. Yes. your honor. you have"
replied the prisoner; Y am the professor
you lessons on the piano Six years."
came from the judge. quickly.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Yes. he said t%houghtfully. 81 admit
that l have been leading a pretty fast
life. and everyone seems to agree that I
ought to reform. But the fact is 1 don't
know what I ought to do first" Ought
to do firsti,' they all cried in establishment.
why. you ought to settle down and"
That's Just the question he interrupted.
Ought ! to settle down or settle up first?"
Chicago Post.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
THE MOTHERS CURSE.
II Resulted in the Awful Suicide Of .
Fireman at Mandan.

Two weeks ago. Joseph Williams. fire.
man on the Northern Pacific coast passen-
ger train. in a moment of insanity threw
himself into the firebox of his locomotive
and was instantly burned to death.
The frightful manner in which Williams
ended his life brings to light the fact that
he was the victim of a woman's curse. 1t
is stated by railroad men that the fireman
was running the switch engine In the Man.
dan, N. D.. yards at the time a young girl
was run down and crippled for life. She
subsequently came into prominence through
the appeals of her friends for postage
stamps. with which to enable her to pro-
cure artificial imbs. The mother of the
girl, who appeared in the yard very short
ly after the accident. assailed the young
engineer with all the language at her COM
mand and finally wound up with:
May the God above you, that loves my
girl. end your days in the frebox OF your
own engine"
This was several years ago. but the words
rang in the ears of the man who recently
leaped into the furnace to his death. He
could not forget the words: they were with
him constantly. He seemed to hear them
repeated every moment, and 1t was the
mothers curse that finally drove him to
take his life. 1t was an irresistible impulse
that came over him on that fatal morning
when he was on duty in the fireman.s cab.
the fire charmed him. There was in the
blaze a sort of fascination that impelled
him to make his deathbed in the live Goals.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
STATISTICS ABOUT THE SEA.
Curious Figures About Its Weight,
Depth and Volume-Average
Depth $4,000 Feet.

From Parsons Magazine.
1 intend to take my revenge on the sea
for the past indignities suffered from him
and to deal deliberately in personalities
about him. Inviting to my side his many
victims who have suffered the like indig-
mites, 1 propose that weiweigh, measure
and gauge him. bottle him, play games
with him and show him up generally-for.
like most DULLES, he is a bit of a humbug.
For our attack on the sea we shall want a
few facts to start from. and here they are:
We take the statements of four good
men of science, a g~eographer, an astrono-
mer. a physicist. a statistician, add the
statements, divide by four, and arrive at
the result that the surface of the sea is
lss: 5oO,0 900 square miles. his weight
I Ss2 9SS; COZ. cog, oOo.o 600 tons and his volume
322 100000 cubic miles. A like process will
tell US that the average depth Of the sea
Is l2,O0 feet more than two and one-quar-
ter niles, and we know that one cubic
foot of him weighs over sixty-four pounds
avoirdupois. !. e.. about four and one-halt
stone. or as much as a small child S or 10
years of age. From these figures Mr..
Schooling deduces that the sea Is simply
nowhere when We compare it with the land
of this planet as regards the solid quanti-
ties of weight, depth and volume:
Only in the superficial quality of surface
does the sea beat the land. As to beauty,
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
SAVED HIS LIFE BY A JEST.
How Archee A~rmstron9's Ready Wit
Helped Him Out of an Un-

,mber st. Nicholas.

From the December st. Nicholas.
Archee Armstrong was the wel1-beloved
Jester of King James vi. of Scotland. after
ward James I. of England. and this is the
traditional story of their introduction:
'One day a shepherd with the carcass OF
a sheep upon his shoulders was tracked to
his cottage on the moorlands by the officers
of justice. In the cottage they found a va
cant-faced lad. rocking a cradle with more
attention than a boy is accustomed to give
that duty: this. however. did not arouse
their suspicious. They searched the cottage
%throughly. but failed to discover the sheep:
They We're about to depart when. one of
their number, accidentally looked into the
cradle. and-the stolen sheep lay there! The
lad. who was supposed to be the thief, was
brought before King m VI. of Scot
fenced to die. He began to plead With the
king. He was a poor. ignorant fellow. he
said; he had heard of the Bible and would
like to read 1t through before he died;
Would the king respite him until he did so?
The king readily gave his consent; where
upon the culprit Immediately. said, Then
hans me if I ever read a word OF. as lang
The witty reply captured the king. He
pardoned the prisoner. and took him into
his service as Jester: In that capacity
Archee was soon a prime favorite.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
A WOMAN'S Wit.
1t Came in n Flash and Saved Her
Husband From Dis.
grace

From New York Commercial Advertiser.
In the waiting room of the railroad sta
ton at the foot of Montgomery street.
jersey City, on Thursday afternoon, sat
a well dressed elderly man and woman,
just arrived on an incoming train. They
the transfer of their baggage to this city.
Weaver. Hamilton. Canada" Finally the
man. who appeared to be extremely ner-
ing ROOM AS he did SO s'a a little tne Gid sm man-
attlred as a ranger. and who had spark
lirg gray eyes which were not even con-
S man bT py tb sse c GLASSES cai,a ne WORE Tns grabbed the
pale
II mean that you've been smuggling
oEium into the United States.' said the old
fellow. I'm a detective" and he showed
He ran his hand up under the other
man s coat at the back and, after fUmbling
about, produced several bottles and pack
There's the proof said he. I've been
watching You ever since We crossed the
there was something wrong. I don't know
what to do In this case. Do you know
that ! could send you to states prison for
The derelict's lips auivered and he looked
Ileadinsly at the elderly woman. his wife.
Tears flashed to her eyes. Finally, she
said. hesitatingly:
You're quite wrong. sir. This is con-
sumption medicine. My husband has long
been endeavoring to conceal the fact from
me that he is a victim TO consumption
Just before We left Canada he had his
life insured for my benefit. unknown to
ccption. and whenever he has left me. on
the cars. l knew that he desired to seciude
himself to take the medicine"
There were tears in the eyes of those
standing about. and finally the detective
murmured a few incoherent words and de-
parted.
The elderly man and woman boarded a
fcrryboat and then a Ninth avenue ele-
waited railway train. A reporter. who had
witnessed the waiting room scene, sat be-
hind them in the car.
Neither of them smoke n word until they
were well uptown. Then said the mar to
his wife:
MARY. how could you lie so? How came
YOU TO think of such a story?'
disgrace. But. for the lands sake. don't
be tempted again."
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05

Royal matchmakers have another girl on
their hands to find a suitable husband for.
She is the Grand Duchess Helene of Rus
STA. who is one of the few women MEM
bers of the imeprial house of Romanoff.
She is 16 years old and is a first cousin of
the emperor. being a daughter of the
Grand Duke Vladimir. brother of the late
Emperor Alexander, and her mother Is the
Grand Duchess Marie. born of Mecklen-
burg, a family which has supplied several
consorts to the reigning house in Russia.
The Grand Duchess Marie is Il very clever
and intellectual woman. and played a very
important part at the Muscovite court dur
ing The reign Of the late emperor. who had
q high opinion of his sister-in-law's abili-
ties and political insight.
There is little of the typical hish-hred
Russian about the young grand duchess.
IT fact, she resembles an English girl, and.
like most English girls. spends much Of
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
where Smuggling /. h Thing.

At Negales. a. r, there is a. famous cigar
store and drinking resort. patronized OPEN
ly and above board by even the federal au-
thorities. that Is built exactly plumb with
the international boundary line. 1t boasts
a little bay window abutment on the south
ern walls that pays taxes to the Mexican
republic. In the bay wiudow Is a choice
selection OF Mexican cigars that are smok-
ed chiefly in the United States. without
ever paying a cent of import duty. John
7. Brickwood is the proprietor of this place.
Mr.. Brickwood claims TO be the ~youngesl
living man who came TO Arizona %voluntar-
fly and permanently remained there. You
enter his house from the United States.
pnss over into Mexico. buy a cigar or n
bunch of them. at Mexican prices. and
then 20 back into Uncle Sans domain and
smoke them.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
new ARIsTocRATs.
Twenty-nine New Englanders Pro.
claimed as the

1t matters not now whether your great
great-grandfather led a charge against the
British or some great-uncle Of your wife's
great-grandfathers held a b~lockhouse
against Indians. The Colonial Danes and
Daughters of the Revolution are as moth
ing at all compared with the new Order of
Twenty-Five, organized by twenty-nine
New England families, who say that they
are the real aristocracy of the Puritan
ical region.
1t is especially unfortunate in view of
England thinks he or she belongs to a
lioniaI society. The only mark Of good
ancestor Of a coat-of-arms when he landed
here.
Says one Of the favored twenty-nine: I'VE
blow to the other New England societies
which have boosted Of late of their aris-
t @;ns i origin. The Order of the Twenty
have an aristocracy let us, ave it official
and historical
The names of those who. according to
cal Genealogical society, are eligible to
Nine follow:
Samuel Appleton, of Ipswich, Mass.
Thomas B%roughton, of Boston.
Obadiah Bruen: of New London. Conn.
Rev. Peter Buckley. of Concord. Mass.
Mass.
Leonard Chester, of wethersfeld. Conn.
Rev. John Davenport, of New Haven.
Humphrey Davie, of Boston.
John Drake. of Boston.
Edmund Fawkner, of Andover. Mass.
George Fenwick. of Saybrook. Conn.
William Gayer. of Nantucket, Mass.
William Hamburg, o. Boston.
Roger H%arlakenden. of Cambridge, Mass.
John Hunlock. of Boston.
William Jeffrey. Of Newport, r.. I.
William Leete. of Guilford, Conn.
Percival Lowe. of Newbury. Mass.
Edward Palmes. of New Haven, Conn.
Herbert Pelham, of Cambridge, Mass.
Samuel Penhallow. Of Portsmouth. N. H.
David Phippen, Of bingham, Mass.
Sir Richard S~alstonstall, of WATERFOWL,
Mass.
William Smelling, of Boston.
Samuel Symonds, of Ipswich.
John Thorndyke, of Beverly. Mass.
George WHY'S, of Hartford. Conn.
John Winthrop, of Boston.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
Rc,I Thing I'm Dtauns.

Mrs. George Boyden. Of Susquehanna. Pa,
Is ono of the few women in Pennsylvania
who have killed n deer this season. Each
year she spends several weeks among the
wilds of Pike county with her husband.
hunting deer and other game, Mrs. Boy
den wears a hunting costume and is a
crack shot.
On Friday last. a few miles from Mount
Hope. Mrs. Boyden. while stationed on a
runway. succeeded in getting a shot at a
magnificent buck and brought It down. 1t
was a splendid shot. and all of the old
hunters in the woods heartily congratu-
ever killed in that vicinity. 1t was so
large that Mr.. and Mrs. Boyden could
not get II TO camp, and 1t remained in the
forest all night.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05

there is infinitely more of it and III much
greater variety, on the land than on the
of the sea We will now pour 1t into a jelly
mold-one of those thin. ornamental, tin
shapes you see in the kitchen dresser. For
side Of the United Kingdom of Great Brit
ain and ireland. from its surface all the
way down to the center of the earth 1850
miles,. and have thus made the largest
jelly mold known-or rather two of them,
for Ireland forms a shape by itself, al
though. at bottom, 1t is firmly Joined to
England. Wales and Scotland. Now, this
jelly mold would be large enough to hold
Just one-half of all the sea of this planet.
60 that a pair of these tin shapes would
dispose OF the whole seal"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
Warming to wheelmen.

Charles f. Wingate. the well known
hygisnist. says that all bicyclists should
be warned of the danger of drinking from
y ayside wells. pumps or springs when MAX
trips through, the country. The
much more serious than most riders are
ait to imagine. and typhoid fever, and in
cases death. has followed on the
drinking of water on q wheeling trip. a
person accustomed to it may drink a GER
tain water which will absolutely poison a
stranger. When away from home drink
bottled mineral waters and be safe.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
TRUE %ARIST0CRAcY.
1t IL That Of Intelligence, and IL the
Only Kind That VIII
JEuIur

= - INA Va htClAAAcACcS u ~ NV
Only Kind That VIII
Endure.
From Leslie's Weekly.
Ferdinand Brunetiere, the most brilliant
of French critics, who charmed SO many
people by his lectures last spring, has writ
ten his views of us and he sees the COM
ing ariStOcracy of the country in the uni
versities. THE universitarie tendencies in
America" he says, ARE on the way to
constitute an aristocracy Of intelligence in
that great democracy"
Perhaps Monsieur Brunetiere Is right. 1t
Is the only kind of ariStOcracy that will
hold. The four hundred Is a congregation,
but it is not an aristocracy. Wealth can
not build enduring pedigrees. One of the
richest men in the country the other day
practically disinherited his two SONS. We
have exhaustless instances of fortunes dis
sipated and the almighty dollar brushes
more people than it rolls into society. The
society that lives in the personal columns
or the civilization of the times any more
than ~vainglory is scholarship. ,
There Is this great thing about such an
aristocracy: Its doors will always be open
to achievement. Those who can reach
them by ability will find a welcome. We
must thank the great Frenchman for hav-
ing solved the riddle of the times. 1t
sounds big-''an aristocracy of intelli-
gence"-and may We all become aristo-
Gratis!
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
of Ancient Lineage.

A gentleman talking to afriend about
ried up to Noah. was told that he was a
mere mushroom.
"Ah.' said he: chow so. pray?"
"Why," replied the other. when I was
in Wales. a pedigree of a particular family
was shown to me; it filled about five large
skins of parchment, and near to the middle
Of 1t was a note in the margin, About this
time the world was created"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05

her time In indulging In outdoor sports.
She is the only daughter of her branch Of
the family. ard Is a. great favorite with
her three brothers. the Grand Dukes Cyril.
Boris and Andreas. all Of whom are con
siderably older than she. She has been
allowed to join them in their amusements
much more frequently than Is usual with
Russian girls of any class, and, as Il con-
sequence. she is a good fencer and an eN-
Cellent shot, and her powers as a pedestrian
are above the average. Like most Rus
slams. she is extremely fond of music. and
during her frequent visits to Paris with
her parents she Is often allowed to ac-
company them TO the opera.
As it is the Russian custom for daughters
of the imperial house to appear at public
festivities at a much earlier age than are
the children of other royal families. the
grand duchess h as already appeared at
many of the state functions OF the court
PRESTON
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
Theater Seats.

From the Detroit Free Press.
II always have my husband sit next the
aisle, so he won't make me uncomfortable
when he goes ont between acts
HIN! l always sit next the aisle my
self, SO I can make my husband uncom-
Portable when he attempts to go out be-
tween acts"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
Trying to Find Out.

From the San Francisco Examiner.
Hello. William" remarked Milton to
Shakespeare, what are you doing-study-
ing your own works."
Not exactly. John" replied the great
dramatist. II am reading some of these
nineteenth century articles and trying to
discover whether Hamlet was insane or
not
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05

Homer-"When the two trains collided a
most awful thing happened. Miss Jones
wig flew in one direction ana her teeth in
another" Williams-"Did she get angry"
Homer-"Angry! Why she flew all to
pieces."-Louisville Courier-Journa!.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-12-05
KiplinR ON Kissinx.

For kissing cynicism who can rival Mr..
Rudyard Kipling-notably in his "Maxims
of Hafiz.'' when he says:
my son. If a maiden deny thee. and scuff-
ingly bid thee give DER.
Yet lip meets with lip at the Eastward
get out! she has been there before.
They are pecked on the ear. and the chin,
and the nose, who are lacking in
The Portland daily press., 1897-10-02
A vain SEARCH.
SEVERAL YEARS AND THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS EXPENDED.

An Expert Accountant and Bookkeeper
of Detroit Troubled With Hereditary
Scrofula in Its Worst Form-Spends
Small Fortune Seeking to Find
a Cure-AH Failed, But q
Curious Experiencs Effects
a Permanent Cure.