The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-09-22
WIDOW SKINNER'S BIKE.
Jep ZONES Tells how it Aroused Public
Opinion.

Squan Creek folks never did take
kindly to the bike. but when it fust
appeared the town was agin it fur all
she was wuth. 1t wasn't a fish-net, a
lobster-pot, a pair Of oyster-tongs, or
anything else that could be made use
of in our bizness, and we set our faces
agin it, and determined to keep EN- sot.
Deacon Spooner's son came up from
Philadelphia ridin' a bike, and the
Deacon met him at the gate, and seq:
"Jim, I'm powerful glad to see ye,
but we are all agin the bike in Squan
Creek"
"What's the matter Of the bike?"says
Jim.
"Tain;t material. 1t amt a wagin
nor it amt a w%heclbarrer. It's jest
an invenshun of Satan's to captur'
more souls. Any pusson as will ride
around on one O. those things will
gamble, hoss-race, chaw tcrbacker and
steal a dead widder's gravestun. If
yell cast it aside and git a hand
sled, I'll kill the fatted calf; but
if ye wont, I'll hcv to forbid ye the
house.
AT that Jim got mad and rode off,
calm his pop ~alunatic and everybody
else a fule, but Squan Greek was with
the Deacon. We called a public meet
in and passed resolushions in his
praise, and SIGH was the feelin' to-
wards him that he could hev borrow
ed a dollar of any man in town without
giving his note as security.
Two weeks later sunthin' more hap
pened-sunthin' that stirred up socie-
ty clear down to the mud and kept
things bilin' fur several weeks. The
wilder Skinner, who had all along
been daring public opinion by sittin'
on the fence, skatin' on rollers and
playin' billiards, sent to New York
fur a bike. 1t got around town that
she was going to hev one, and we
talked it over and sent Silas Codding-
ton to her to find out all about it. He
found her smokin' a cigarette, and as
soon as he could choke his hears back
down into his chest, be seq:
"Widder Skinner, is it true that you
hev sent up to New York fur one Of
them soul-destroyers called a bike?'
"You bet your life l her!' replies
the widow.
"And ar ye goin' to ride it?'
II am, and don't ye fergit it,
Silas had to wait until his knees
got over wobblin' before he could 60
on:
"But mebbe you don't know that
Squan Creek is agin the bike, event fur
menu
IT don't know and I don't keer!'
says the wilder, as she lighted anoth-
err cigarette.
It'll be the destruction Of society,
and mebbe the town ITSELF" seq Silas.
Cant we Goa ye to give over on yer
idea?"
"Not a coax" SEE the wilder.
"Then We might raise a purse of
$50 to buy We off. Sodom and Go
morrow was destroyed fur ,bein' wick
ed, and we don want Squan Creek to
be sunk so feet in the mud. Will ye
gin up the bike and attend prayer
meetin' if We raise S50?'
"No, nor fur So, 000!'' SEE she, and
she pitched into him and into the
town till he was glad to pick up his
hat and skip.
Three or four days..later the bike ar
rived, and one %evenin', jest as we had
all got through supper and turned out
on the street to smoke and tell lies
and scandalize everybody who was abb
sent, the wilder Skinner brung out her
wheel and begun to perform. She
had never taken any lessons, but
meant to learn right there and then.
She had on a short skirt, and a shud-
der of horror went up and down and
across Squan Creek. She had on leg
gins and a cap, and when Silas Cod
dington took notice of them of them
he fell agin a fence and smashed three
rods of it as fiat as a pancake.
All that didn't begin with the wild
der's performance, however. She got
on and she fell off. She fell kerr
splash and she fell kerplunk. Chill
dren wept, women turned pale and hid
their faces, and the men looked at
each other and felt chills creepin up
their backs. 1t was finally decided
that Joel Carter should wrassle with
the widder and let her know the drift
of public ~opinyun. He hated to do it,
but we urged him on and he finally
went up to her and said:
"Widder Skinner, if this thing gets
noised about, and of course it will,
town lots in Squan Greek won't be
wuth $50 apiece next week?'
What d we want?' seq she, lookin'
up with both eyes full o sass.
"We want We to stop this perform
ance. l hev never bin to a circus,
and thar amt money huff in New
Jersey to hire me to go, but | guess
this is even wuss. Squan Greek calls
upon We in the name of humanity to
quit
"Squan Greek kin go hang hersclf!!'
SEE the wilder, as she tries to mount
and makes another tumble of it.
"Then let me appeal to We in the
name of the Lord seq Joel as he
grows more airnest. 'He is lookin'
down on Squan Greek and on you, and
I'm fearin' you'll be turned into a
pillar of salt and the town o%verwhelm-
ed by a high tide"
NOW, then" says the wilder, as
she gifts up with blood in her eye,
"I'm goin' to ride this bike or break
my neck, and all you can do or say
won't stop me! Git outer my way
and gimme a show, and any of you
who don't like it can 20 hang yer
selves!'
That was the last appeal made to
her. Everybody realized hat she
was sot, and that talkin' would do no
good. Jim Hopeful, the Constable,
ogered to arrest the widdcr fur bein'
a circus without a license, but it was
decided to hold an i%ndignashun meet
in instead. One was called that very
night, and seven different speakers
got up and said that the morals of