The herald., 1897-06-20
Good Stories Gathered at
Ladies' Club
MORALS FOR MAScULINES
THE FEMININE FISHER AND
THE BATHING BOY
The Danger Of Scarlet Cloak-Peri-
patetic Tombstones on Subur-
ban Car


ebriates" comes the chatter that charms
and proves, withal, the club woman's
capacity for a joke. There are innum,-
cradle interesting instances, in fact,
which refute the declaration of the ira
ditional man that the fair sex possesses
no sense of humor.
Indeed, the modern club woman, II,
perchance, she has told all the risibility-
provoking tales in her repertoire, does
not hesitate to tell an occasional one on
herself. In true feminine fashion, these
semi-secrets are passed around to fair
epicures of plaisanterie. Thus 1t hap
pened the other afternoon, as a clever
coterie collected around the everlasting
tea table, three good stories were retold
at the expense of three prominent con-
freres in the club.
The first laugh Of these fair jbke~
makers was on well-known suburban
ite. AS the story goes, this club woman
boarded the electric car for home late
one afternoon not long ago. The only
empty seat was next to man deeply en-.
crossed behind his wide-open paper, and
into the place she promptly precipitated
herself.
| Suddenly the club woman caught sight
of the phytsiognomy behind the paper.
| 1t was her beloved Benedict. After a
series of smiles, which failed to draw
her better half out of the depths of the
latest newspaper dispatches, she rather
| familiarly reminded him she was within
speaking distance.
beg pardon, madame" frigidly said
| the stern-eyed mana well-Qxnown
Judge, by the way-as he hxedly OBJ
served the beaming little woman at his
elbow. 1T is against my principles to
converse with strange women in the
street cars"
Thereupon the seemingly semi-indig-
nant man dived into his paper to smile to
himself, while the exasperating passen-
gers grinned at the W nan who appar-
emily had been deservedly sat upon.
The embarrassed wife, with a deter
mination born Of despair, made frantic
effort to induce her liege lord to relieve
the dilemma by at least acknowledging
her as an acquaintance to whom he had
been properly introduced. But to no
avail The oidurate man summoned
all his dignity and said in an exceed
| ingly polite voice:
II am sorry. madame, but I do not
know you. You really must be mis-
taken"
Meanwhile the mischievous man and
his miserable wife silently sat side by
side like two peripatetic tombstones. FL
nally the man alighted at the usual stop
ping place, with never a glance at the
nervous little woman. After moment
of revengeful indecision she followed in
his footsteps with flaming cheeks while
the passengers peered curiously out of
the windows with she's-after-himl look
in their inquisitive eyes. In moment
they were lost in the gathering gloom.
The inside sequel to this episode,
which points a moral to masculinity, Is
that Mrs. So-and-So did not deign to ad-
dress Mr.. So-andSo in the street cars
or out of street cars for one week there
after.
The second story was on prominent
woman physician. The doctor, it seems,
recently went on a fishing expedition.
One warm afternoon, while seated on the.
bank patiently holding the pole. boys
head appeared above the surface Of an
"ole swimmin' mole" near by.
Lady" announced the lad with alac-
rity, Pm ready to come out and get
into my clothes"
"Oh, come along. sonny" good ma
turedly answered the dignified doctor.
II won't look at you
"Well, won't trust you," instantly
and stoutly declared the disbelieving
youngster.
The feminine fisher was loath to leave
the ever-alluring bite. So was sonny
loath to leave the protecting pool. But
sonny won in the ensuing animated ar
gument, and the disgusted doctor was
compelled to wind up her reel and si-
lently steal away with thoughts too
deep for words.
Another tale was told on an all-around
club woman of comely countenance,
once the possessor of a red cloth gown.
One day during the Worlds Fair, when
the gorgeous hue was not as popular as
this season and consequently more con-
spicuous, this piece Of scarlet apparel
was worn down town on shopping ex-
pedition. AS is usual in State street
excursions of the fair sex, the culminat-
ing point was the seductive soda foun-
tain.
1t happened that into the drug store
where the aforesaid woman in bright
habiliments was enjoying a soft summer
drink there sauntered a gaunt, back
woods farmer with queer-cut whiskers
and an unsophisticaled satchel. The
stranger desired direction to a north
side address, and the obliging clerk gave
it with profuse explanation. The new
conner, however, was considerably con-
fused with his initiation into the modus
metropolitan, and no amount of minute
information could clear his befuddled
brain.
"I live on the north side" finally in
terceded the woman in scarlet cloth, with
smile. "If you will take this car on the
corner shall be glad to tell you when to
get off,"
The wayfaring man, though fool, did
not intend TO err therein. Not for min
ute. One suspicious look he gave at tho
red apparel and one searching look a.;
the encouraging countenance of its fair
wearer. With frantic plunge for his
oil-cloth valise and a wild break through
the side door. he stopped one solitary
instant to a!ng back a parting expletivo
that was half prayer
( "Oh, Lord. Z was the escaping exclamn~
tion, "the scarlet woman. Bertha De-
maris Knoba in Chicago Times-fzerald.
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