The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1897-12-11
ADoZEN ANECDOTES.
pointed stories of Well Known Men.

pointed Stories of Well Known Men.
one of Charles Lambs friends said
worth. "Why, you've seen an old horse,
haven't your" asked Lamb Eyes,
.appose 500 "Then you've seen Words
WORTH
When Rogers, who was notorious for
his ugliness. informed Sydney Smith that
he wished to be painted in a devotional
attitude, the humorist promptly suggest
ed that he bury his face in his hat.
Halleck, the poet, in Difference to an
elderly woman passenger, who entered
the same stage coach, threw away fine
cigar. which he had just lighted, and
which was his last The woman pro-
duced pipe and wretched tobacco and
nutfed away for fifteen miles.
The well known stinginess Of the late
Alexander Dumas has given rise to a
was once asked whether he ever gave
anything to the poor, and he answered:
uOh, yes. When I come across bad
piece of money always give it away to
= blind man."
The Lake City (Fla.) Reporter says
that at a camp meeting recently held near
Lakeland a minister at the beginning Of
his discourse said be had forgotten his
notes, and excused himself as follows:
1T will have to depend upon the Lord for
what I say this morning; this evening 1
will come better prepared"
A local preacher, being anxious to inter
view the Rev. @. n. Spurgson, called
at his house, but was informed By the
servant maid thai the great preacher was
engaged. TELL him. said the caller,
'that the servant of the Lord wishes to
see him. "Ah "a replied Mr.. Spur.
geon, "tell the servant Of the Lord that
/ am engaged with has Master.n
When General George Sheridan was
camping on the Lower Mississippi his
negro boy. Harry, was one day asked by
friend whether the general wass not
terribly annoyed by the mosquitoes
"No, sahi" said Harry; Gin the evenin'
Mars George is SO 'toxicated he don't
mind the skeeters, and, in the mornin'
the skesters is SO 'toxioated they don't
mind Mars George"
Sootchman-stWeH. sir, what did you
think of my co.ntry?"
DR.. Johnson Why, sir, that it is a
very vile country, to be sure
Sootchman Gill pleased -'After all,
sir, God made It,"
{ DR.. Johnson-" True, sir, but you must
remember that he only made it for Scotch
men, and for the matter of that, sir, cem-
PARSONS are odious, but-God made
hellP'
Dean Trench's clever snub to an impu-
dent young szbaltern deserves high rank
as a piece of repartee. The youngster
had asked the dean what was the differ
enoe between dean and @ monkey. To
which the reply was that while one had
CROSS on his hack the other wore it on
his breast. And what" returned the
dean, "may l ask In the difference be-
tween a subaltern and monkey?' 81
don't know was the response. "Nor
do IL was the deans prompt reply as
he turned away.
There is good story Of general whose
death was announced In newspap er by
mistake-a circumstance which annoyed
him very much. He called on the editor
and demanded that contradiction should
be inserted in the next issue. "That,
general" was the EDITORS reply, "is
quite out of the question. He never
apologize and we never withdraw a state
ment; but tell you what we'll do for
you. Well put you in the Births next
week. "-Argonaut.
The late Archbishop of Canterbury
once asked an ex-dissenter what most
J impressed him in the Church of England.
The new convert d not wish to offer any
opinion OF the church and said: "Any
opinion would be both premature and i'm
mature" But his grace was very per-
sistent. almost to rudeness, whereupon
the ex-dissenter said: "I am greatly i'm
pressed with the number of able men in
the back SEATS That remark closed the
In the book ''Love Affairs of Some
Famous Mem the story is recalled of
DR.. johnson and the widow whom he
made his wife. He believed in the ex-
change of prematrimoniaI confidence in
regard to disagreeable matters, SO he told
her plainly that he was OF humble ex-
traction, that he had no money, and that
one Of his uncles had been hanged. The
sensible woman responded oleverly that
she had no more money than he, and that
though none of her relatives had been
hanged she had several who ought to he