The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-08-15
FROM THE SUBURBS, SURE!
OBVIOUS THINGS MARKING A NEW
sETTJ ER IN THE COUNTRY.


Tho Symptoms or n Daily Pointed
Out by n Brooklyn friend-Enect OF Coun-
try Ltro Upon Looks. Habits. and speech
The Cornmuter,s Rctort About brooklyn.
"Helloi" shouted tho Confirmed Brooklynite.
pausing in his mad rush for tho bridge: Haven't
seen you for months. I SEQ you've moved into
the suburbs"
How do you know that - asked the Daily
Commutor, somewhat annoyed, for while every
commuter pretends to be proud Of living in the
suburbs, none likes to have the fact obvious.
Easy enough" said tho Confirmed Brooklyn
lite. You've got cindors In your oars"
well, II it comes to that" retorted the other
holly, your face isn't"
Don't do the ct tn, Brute business with me.
What you see on my face is the CRIME of honest
toll, while your auricular adornments are in tho
nature of evidence. They show that you've
been through the tunnel. How do you like that
tunnel businessf y
Its better than being ground to death in a
bridge rush."
"one doesn't get damned when no gets used
to it," said the Confirmed Brooklynite. "He
jams others. And. by the way, l see you haven't
been committing very long
"Cordesccnd to explain that, Mr.. Sherlock
Holmes"
Perfectly simple. There are sooty marks
on your collar. Tho experienced tunnel travel
Ter tucks his handkerchief about his neck before
embarking. Remember that when you get to
the Grand Central Station"
AT any rate the collar won't be torn of me-"
responded the Daily INT
mo, but you'll take it Off when you reach
Saltsville, or wherever 1t is. because you'll just
miss your one-horse street car and will have to
walk home. When you walk you take off your
collar for GOODNESS. The sunburn on the back of
your neck shows that. l don't remember ever
having seen a specimen of your genus who en-
hibited more wildly the characteristics of the
commuter."
Here the Daily Commuter said some things.
"Oh, you're sensitive on the subject, are
you = pursued the Confirmed Brooklynite.
do you happen to remember the festive re-
marks and jibes of which you made me and
mine the object upon my removal to Brooklyn 7
Used to alludc to me as Bridgcville's Oldest in
habitant. If my memory serves me rightly.
Called me a trolley loo bird, accused me of hav-
ing statuette groups in the pnrlor windows, and
sent my wife a toy baby carriage at an entirely
inopportune time. | am now going to point out
to you some of the balcful effects of living in
the suburbs. For instance. there's the sudden
sidewise and upward twist of the head which
looks like ST. .vitus dance, but isn't"
Why; ,cIonfound you, my neck is as straight
Just at present it is. but when you passed
that pillar just now you couldn't for the life of
you help gllancing up at it for placards."
of course. there wasn't. Hence your look of
relief. But you have already contracted that
railroad sign habit which can never be shaken
Oft. No commuter can commute successfully
who doesn't look at all the pillars and posts
around amn ta rsi1way s ST ahans snd in ne the If t there are
We'll. by thunder! y calculated the Daily
o j know the symptoms. While I was
speaking there was a whistle from an engine.
You started and were on the point of rushing
in that direction, when you recovered yourself.
Moreover. you've taken periodical .%glimpses at
your watch; about one a minute; Habit again;
hoy" "on %"n a d tEs'"T SAID aid y yRo Dali t Gem iansa wfe And ID
i"Just SO. ANOTHER point I notice is the
skipping walk OF yours. with occasional pauses
for Lettering when, you come to a curb.
outer world inhabitant. In sloppy weather your
roadway is mainly af1oat. Going to the station
to peak Of those protnberances which rise above
the mushy flood. and every time you have to
s srjns the .na street stree t. y Youn ,1hin ger shi jiss 'so on ,G the
Gus mortais in the old hymn. There you teeter
like a dismal Ism l tiP,np Until finally you gather
courage nThgs R ana ~ iea az INTO s,ush nE to your knees.
oh. yes;I know They're going to put in
furnish pavelnents for is a place unmentionable
II you could pave a street with good intentions
In trustees. BY winter you'll be wearing arc
"Never!" cried tho Daily Commuter. ex-
We'll. stills then, and your belief in improve
ments and such things will have died a horrible
you believe that you have desirable ncighbors."
~" y wife e ! il quite carried away with them"
ably; Where's your lawn mowcri And your
tennis nett And your rolling PM And the
t fSs ss,a mill ; And I'd the he spare hammock And
patent can openeri And the
NJ" that you mention it" put in the Daily
Commuter sadly. " the neighborS have borrowed
You'll never sec them again. II you try to
get new ones in the village you'll get cheated
out OF your eye teeth. | have no doubt that the
butcher and ice man and wood man and Others
have already taken me~asures-short measures
to profit by your innocence"
HOY the devil do You know all these things !"
lived In Penitence Park, did your
Heaven forbid!' cried the confirmed Brook
Ignite so fervently that it stirred the other up
For all the minor inconvenience Id rather
live in Penitencc Park than in Brooklyn" he
That a bluff. retorted the Other, scornfully.
Within a year y9s'u'l be trying to find a house
IN move TO sheol frst!'
well. there's no accounting for tastes. At
least you wouldn't be n commuter there"
you're like all Brooklynites. sunk in a fatu-
GUS Inconsistencies OF their own misery. l
haven't got time TO talk to you"
train now added the confirmed Brooklynite
placidly. Run along quick"
We'll. 80 long. Got your muscle up for the
rush I"
"Good-by. Tuck your handkerchief in tight"
Don't let the crowd push you off the plat
form"
"Stop and ask If there's a new time table since
morning.S
Keep your eye ont for the deadly trolley"
Don't get lost In the woods on the way"
" hope you're not crushed beyond recogni-
ton. Shall ] ever see you again. do you sup
pose r.
II the rescuinE party digs you out of the mud
alive"
And as the Confirmed Brooklynite was caught
In the human current and swept away he cast
back n glance OF pity, which met in mid air a
look of commiseration which the Daily Commu-
ter delivered as he rushed madly up the l. stairs
in the faint hope that he might catch his train
and get home in time for dinner after all.
4 NOISE THAT Is GONE.
Ease with which n Nuisance WAS Abated In
Suburban Br0OkIyn.