Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1897-02-25

few up to the caves Of the house, where
the fighting was resumed. Van Wagon
er took his flying cat to the extremity
of the yard, and after showing her the
sparrows at the top of the honse, ana
exhorting her to gather them In, he
launched her into the air.
1.-THE cat rose slowly. kickingand yell
ing, until she was just about level with
the caves. The sparrows we're so occu-
pied with the fight that they paid nc
attention to her, and when she saw that
there were at least 20 of them gath
cred close together, her desire to get
OF them made her temporarily forget
her balloon and her paddle-wheeIs. She
!ashed her toll, rs cats will do whe1
bent on murder, and, just as the profes
SCR predicted, the effect was TO steer hel
In the direction of the sparTows. Hel
paddle-wheels were working smoothly
and regularly, and though they were
not large enough to give her any speed
they steadily carried her across the
yard towards the sparrows. Var
WAGNER was in ecstasies. He chal'
Ienged me to point out any defect il
his flying cat, and when l candidly ad
mitted that it did seem to be q COM
plete success, he was the happiest man
In New Berlinopolisville. The cat
came through the air so slowly and
noiselessly that she was within two
yards of the sparrows before they saw
her. When they did catch sight of this
new and startling animal, they were
the worst frightened lot of birds that
were ever seen outside of one of those
so-callcd happy families, where half a
dozen birds, clean paralyzed with fear,
are shut in cage with cat that mas
been filled up with choral, and the pub
lie is asked to regard the exhibition as
q specimen Of what will be the usual
sort of thing when the millennium gets
its work fairly in. Those sparrows left
in n tremendous hurry. They had o
sudden business call in come distant
part of Illinois, and 1 don't believe @
single one of them stopped flying until
they had put at least 30 miles between
themselves and Van Wagener's flying
cot.
"'Now, you see,' said the professor,
how completely successful my inven-
ton is. My flying cat will either catch
the sparrows and kill them, or she will
brighten them oft of the country. In
either case the great sparrow problem
is solved. 1t makes no difference to
me, as patriotic American citizen,
whether all the British sparrovrs in the
country are killed, or whether they are
driven over into Canada. Come to
think of it, I should prefer the latter
result, for the driving of monarchical
European birds out of our beloved
country will be an object lesson in the
enforcement of the Monroe doctrine,
which will be Of immense benefit to the
nation
"The professor, being q scientific
crank, was naturally a political crank
also, and he was more than two-thrids
mad on the subject of the Monroe doc
trine. When the professor once got
fairly started on the subject of the
Monroe doctrine he forgot everything
else, and be had clean forgotten his fly
ing cat when Mrs. Van Wagner leaned
out Of a second-story window, and I'D
vised him, in case he was going to make
a political speech, to hire hall She
was mighty sarcastic woman, and her
for her husbands political
views was even greater than her con-
tempt for his scientific achievements.
She was on the point of continuing her
remarks about the professors political
oration, when she suddenly gave the
awfullest screech that I ever heard
from female lips, though 1 was once III
n room full Of strong-minded women
when a mouse ran across the floor.
Mrs. Van Wagner thought that her
last hour had come, judging from her
but, as l had full view Of
what was taking place, I knew it was
only The cat who had come. Having
missed the sparrows the cat turned
partly round to see what had become of
them, and just then Mrs. Van Wage
ner, having unconsciously put her head
within the animals reach, the cat
judged that her opportunity for max
ing landing had arrived, and accord
ingly she lit on the top of Mrs. Van
head.
Most any woman, not knowing that
her husband had invented flying cat.
would havo supposed when some mon
iter with sharp claws, and talent for
using bad language, came flying
through the air and lit ON her head,
that nothing less than the sea serpent,
Or the flying dragons mentioned in
Scripture, had attacked her. What
with the cats desire to kick herself
free from her flying apparatus, and her
anxiety TO get square with the human
race, she did more with that poor wom-
ans hair in five minutes than any other
cat could have done in o good half hour.
The professor tried to explain that it
was only tho cat, and begged his wife
not to injure the flying apparatus. 1t
didn't seem to occur TO him that he
ought to run to his wife's assistance till
had taken him by the shoulders and
started him upstaira. 1 don't want you
TO think for moment that he wasn't
anxious to help his wife, but he was so
IN the habit of looking ut things from
L SCIENTIFIC point of view, that he for
rot that while he was explaining things
Mrs. Van Wagner might be clawed to
such an extent that she would never be
by her nearest friend. When
he had once grasped the idea that she
leeded his help he fairly flew upstairs,