The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1897-03-10
THE SAGE OF KOHACK. :
A Few Things He Had Never Done and
Few He Had Seen.

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Few He Had Seen.
81 have lived-u long time, and in some
respects l am remarkable man." said the
sage of Kohack, addressing in general
way the loungers assembled in the corner
| grocery. "Eor one thing, old as am, l
never voted for Genorl jackson, for the
simple reason that l wasn't built that
way. And haven't chewed tobacco all
my life, either, burcuz durin the first part
| Of my life couldn't mastcate anything
more stalwart than spoon vittles. l never
used to cut more grain In a day than the
strongest OF the hired men, for the reason
that | have never been much of a liar. l
have seen jest as hard winters as the pres
ent and jest as hot summers as the last
hDne don't chop half a cord of wood or
walk seven miles every mornin before
breakfast, burcuz amt old enough yet
"But in spite of these deficiencies have
lived to see good many things, and also
to miss seein good many other things.
And a lot of them that haven't seen
wish had, and a good many that l have
seen l wish hadn't.
~ have seen enough crops of young men
spring up and grow older to know that the
boys of today amt any more worthless
| and lazy than they were when l was young.
There amt been a cents worth of differ
ence in the values of any special crops of
them since first began to notice. have
seen ruin and disaster menacin the country
before every presidential election, and then
seen it laid up on the shelf Immediately
afterward for use durin the next campaign.
l have also seen the plutocrats rivetin the
shaokles on the toilers, and jest as regular
| ly seen the latter slip out of 'em with all
the avidity, so to speak, of sleight of hand
performers.
81 have seen it rain on the Just good
deal oftener than on the unjust, for the
reason that the unjust generally had the
just's umbrellas. l have seen a few young
wives who could actually cook better than
their husbands mothers used to. l have
seen a young man who blondined his hair
with peroxide of what its name and didn't
die of softenin of the brain, for obvious
reasons. | have seen generation after gen
Grafton of honest people take their children
to see the animals, burcuz, in spite of all
the inventions for amelioratin the condi-
ton Of the human race, nobody has thought
out a better excuse for goin to the circus.
"I've seen Il red faced, tubby shaped
widower weep by the gallon and swoon
over his wife S grave, and then, in less than
two months after the funeral, dyu his
whiskers and begin TO set up and take no.
tice l have seen young man go ravin
crazy on account of unrequited love and
make his eyGri&stin fortune inVentin fool
names for parlur games. | have seen the
incest girl in the village marry the most
worthless young man TO reform him and
stick to him till she died of II brokon heart,
and I've seen the biggest fool in tho com
munity elected representative.
II have seen all these things and good
many others and have learned much by
practical experience, and yet l don't think
that burcuz | am old l necessarily know
more than some younger men WHO have
had better advantages and opportunities
than l did.
GIVE seen--har! What's that? Why, Iii
take three pounds Of that tobacco and
nickel s worth of clothespins, if you'll jest
mark em down till week after next -
New York Sunday Journal