Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1897-12-03


Chicago Daily News.
"What are all those ribbons hanging
on the chandelier "Those are not
ribbons; they are neckties I've pulled
off different men when I was learning
to ride wheel."-Chicago Record.
"Why are yez decorating, Mrs. Mur-
phy?' me by Denny is coming home
the day." II thought he was sent up
for foive years." "Yes, but he got a
year off for good behavoure." "Sure, it
must be comfortin' for yez to have a
good by like that.'-Tit-Bits
Mr.. Dunham-I have called, sir, to
tellyou that your daughter, Miss Fan
ME. and love each other very dearly.
want to ask you for her. Old MIL
yuns- Well, you'll have to wait a
while. There's no vacancy in the store
now that could put you into.-Cleve-
land Leader.
Raggles- Wo't yer doin', Weary, wild
de tellerscope? Weary-Lookin' fer
work. Raggles-Lookin' fer work?
W'ot fer? Weary-So's I kin avoid it.
wuz jest sizin' up de houses round
here ter see eff can't strike one dat
keeps gaserline can instid Nv a wood
pile.-Judge.
81 can always distinguish between
this vim ordinaire and red ink" said
the regular diner at the table d'hote.
'sHowY' asked the casual customer.
''By the label on the bottle" said the
regular with fendish grin. This
shows the Importance of judicious ad-
vertising.-Judge.
Visitor-What! He is three months
old and you haven't named him yet?
Mrs. Wheeler-No! You see, it's this
way: l want to name him after my BIZ
cycle, and John insists on naming him
after his. guess we will have to COM
promise and name him after the wheel
mother rides-Puck.
Mrs.. de Temper am not happy
with my husband. Shall I drive him
away? Lawyer-His life is insured in
your favor, isn't it? Mrs. de Temper
Yes; 1 made him do that before we
married. Lawyer-Well, don't drive
him off. He'll die quicker where he Is.
New York Weekly.
- Irate customer See here! That suit
Of clothes / bought of you yesterday
is full of moth holes. Dealer-Das is
all srecht, mine frient Moths neffer eat
cotton, an ven ladies an shentlemens
see dose holes dey knows you years
only high-priced all-vool goots.-New
York Weekly.
"Jim made an awful blunder last
week." "What was that" "He got
an invite to Name Scroggs' wedding,
and felt too poor to buy a present. So
he sent a note of regret, which read
like this: Il have been called out of
town. Please excuse my presents p
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Blinkly-John, dear, won't you
discharge Mary? You know how afraid
I am Of her.. Mr.. Blinkly-Certainly.
No servant can ever scare me. CA lit
tie while after.) Mary-ahem! Mrs.
Blinkly has asked me to tell you that
she wants to see you after have gone
to the ofice.-Brooklyn Life.
Yesterday" said Jabson, Il refused
a suppncant woman a request for a
small sum Of money, and in conse-
quence of my act passed a ,sleepless
night. The tones of her voice were
ringing in my airs the whole time"
"Your softness of heart does you cred
it." said MADISON; "who was the wom-
amp "My wife."-Detroit Free Press.
"Do you mean to say" asked the Wis
itor, in horror, "that the gentleman
was shot for simply rising and making
a motion during a meeting of your de-
batting society,"" "Suttinly," said the
Colonel, "but you must remembah, sab,
that the motion he was called down on
was made in the direction of his hip
pocket, sah."-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Greene-Tell me, aren't there
any expresses running to your town?
Mrs. Gray-Of course there are; plenty
of them. Why do you ask? Mrs.
Greene-My husband has told me that
he has seen your husband almost ev-
cry night on his way home, and he al
ways had more than he could carry
Boston Transcript.
Judge-You admit that you entered
the house Of the prosecuting witness
by the door at 2 o'clock in the morn
ing? Prisoner-Yes, your honor. Judge
What business did you have there at
that time of night? Prisoner thought
it was my own house. Judge-Then
why did you, when this lady approach
ed, leap through the window, jump
into the cistern, and hide yourself!
Prisoner-Your honor, thought it was
my wife.-Truth.
Lady Ito manager of employment bu
reau)-What nationality is that bright
looking, dark-complexioned girl over in
the corner? I've addressed her in
French, Spanish and Italian, but she
doesn't seem to understand either Man.
ager Cbriskly)-Tried the United States
dialect on her? "No, 1 never thought Of
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