The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-09-22
HuMOR OE ThE DAY.

Cohen" Cohen-''What's the mad.
der NIT it?'-Truth.
"What would you advise me TO do
to become worth my weight in goldP"
"Well, you might try anti-fat. -
Truth
Minnie-"Sadie has another new
Rdmirer." Mamie-"New ones are
the only admirers she has. Indian
apolis Journal.
Orator-"What has become of the
famed American craftsmanship?
Auditor-"Lost in the push for office"
Philadelphia North American.
'My little sister is the best baby
you ever saw. She sleeps twenty
hours every day" "Huhl our'n sleeps
swenty-six. ."-Clevcland Plain Dealer.
"The good die young" said the
casual caller, apropos of any old thing.
They may if they are chickens, said
The editor, "but if they are jokes they
10 not. Truth.
What do you regard as the most
important event Of the century?" asked
the philosopher. "Well," answered
The wheelman, "the finish is about as
satisfactory as any part of the run. -
Truth.
"Well, little girl, what is it?" eff
you please, sir, Mr.. Simmer will not
be able to come down this morning.
He's just got back from two weeks
rest in the country, and he's all tired
out. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
She-"You are just like all the men;
you would not admit that you e9
made a mistake, to save your life"
He-"As if hadn't told you time and
time again that the mistake of my life
was in marrying you. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
nglishman-"S Some of our English
girls are quite expert with the gun,
don't you know. Lady Eva Wynd-
ham Linn shot six man-eating tigers
in India. American Girl-"If they
were eating nice men she did Just
right. New York Weekly.
Miss Della Creme (wearily)-'T
know everything we eat is adulterated;
but what can we do, Reginald? We
must trust our grocer" Mr.. Reginald
Creme (drearily)-"Ah, yes, Della,
very true; and if-oh-if our grocer
would only trust us!''-Tit-B Bits.
81 thought you advertised home
farep' said the boarder Indignantly.
"Wall," replied Farmer Corntossel,
'that's what you're gettin'; canned
peaches, canned tomattusses, canned
cornbeef, and condensed milk, the
same as you're used to. Washington
Star.
"Oh, do look at that dear little
lamb!" said Frances, on seeing d
young lamb for the first time in her
life. isn't it pretty?" asked mamma.
eyes; and it is 50 natural, too. 1t
squeaks just like toy lamb, and has
the same sort of wool ON its back. -
Judge.
Hasbeen Qaying down his paper)-
81 have just been reading that alcohol
will remove grass stains from the most
delicate fabric" Mrs. Hasbeen (se.
veroly)-"There you go again, Jason,
trying to find some excuse! Just re.
member that you have no grass stains
in your stomach. Puck.
'It won't be long" said the man
who loves to talk science at the table,
'before all our engines and that sort
of thing will be run by the heat of the
sun" "But," asked his wife, ''if
they go to using up the heat of the sun
that way, won't it make the weather
too cold to grow crops?"-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Mrs. Weed-"Are you one of those
men who regard all widows as danger.
ous?" Mr.. Green (edging away
"No, don't think they're oil danger
GUS. Some of them don't become
widows until they have passed the
danger-point Mrs. Weed latter he
has left) -'T wonder if he meant that
as compliment. Cleveland Leader.
The Farmer Eyes; 1 know the spot.
It's about five mile up the road, an
they call it The Lovers Leap"
Boarder-"And there's an old tradi.
tion about an Indian girl who sprang
from it?" The Farmer-"Yes'm it's
II pretty old tradition. 1 reckon il
must a been started when folks round
here first began to take boarders. -
Puck.
She-"H Harry, you said something
last evening that made me feel so bad. "
He-"What was it, dearest?" She
"You said l was was one of the sweet
est girls in all the world" He-"And
aren't you, darling?" She-"You said
'one of the sweetest Oh, Harry, to
think 1 should live to know that have
to share your love with another, -
Boston Transcript.