The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-08-04

LOO ER ANNUM.
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE,
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS,
A Clever Lad-Literal-No scope-Had
Been There--Non-s -suited-HIs Seven.
teenth QuestiOn--A Observation-Disclosures
Than He Expected - stIu Funny, Etc,
The boy stood on the burning deck
TIL all but him had fed
And then he put the fire out,
And went and cruised ahead.
And when he'd had enough Of that
He sailed into the slip,
And got a thousand dollars down
AS salvage on the ship.
-Harpers Bazaar.
Literal.
The Rescuer-"How did your come
to fall in?"
The Rescued-"I didn't come to fall
in, came to fish. ."-Harper's Week
ly.
His Seventeenth Question.
Little Clarence-"Pag"
Mr.. Callipers-"Well, my son2"
Little Clarence-"Is postage stamp
collecting profession or a disease?"
Puck.
Has Been There.
The Tramp-"Can you tell me how
l can get some work, sir?"
The Citizen tcrustily)-"Yes; buy a
bicycle, and try to keep it cleanl'-
Yonkers Statesman.
Non-Suited.
Brown-"Did you ever try that
tailor 1 recommended to you?"
Green-"Yes. Too expensive. Got
two suits from him-one dress suit,
one law suitl"-Punch.
No Scope.
''I bought little Tommy trumpet
because he was so lonely, but he did
not seem pleased.
"Well, no; you see his old grand
mother is stone deaf Pick Me-Up.
The Brute.
Mrs. Hoon-"Why do you persist
In referring to the folding-bed as hep
Why isn't it just as appropriate to call
it she as it is ship?"
Old Hoon-''B Because it shuts up oc-
casionally. Judge.
A Drawback.
He-"Td willingly go round the
world for your sake"
She-'I wouldn't like that"
"Why not?"
''In that case you'd come back to
where you started from"
Hotel Rates.
HEWITT had nightmare the
last time was at that hotel"
Jewett-"What of it?"
HEWITT foolishly mentioned it
to the clerk the next morning and he
charged me for the use of one horse. -
Suspicious Advantage.
"The rooms are rather small, " said
the prospective boarder.
''The advantage of that, said the
hotel-keeper complacently, sis that
not so much fresh mir is required to
keep them cool. Philadelphia North
American.
Not Lost.
Traveller Ito the driver on fording
the river) )-"Has anyone ever been lost
in this stream?"
Driver-"Eo, sirl" Sam Mason was
drowned here last spring, but they
found him again after looking for two
weeks. Judge.
Better Than He Expected.
''The question is" said the Turkish
Minister, chow much indemnity Greece
will pay"
''Is that it?" asked Abdul Hamid,
cheerfully. 81 thought the question
was how much indemnity Greece
would owe. Puck.
Still Funny.
MI. wynn lne rOnhuCe Ol lhc-
Brides honeymoon fingers still, al
though he has been married five
years.
Mr.. Triplett-"How do You knowP"
Mr.. Twynn-''He jokes with his
wife about her millinery bills"
Personally Interested.
Weary-"Dis arber-day tree plant
in is gittin' ter be great ting"
Raggles-"Yes; an I'm opposed ter
it, too"
Weary-"W'yP"
Raggles-"W'y? Jes' t'nk nv de
snap we nd hev gittin meals eff wood
wuz too skeerce ter be used ez fuel. "
Judge.
The Ruling Passion.
The fine will be three dollars and
costs, announced the Police Magis-
trate.
"I'm willing TO make it ten dollars
and costs, Squire" said the scorcher,
''if you'll have it entered on the
printed record that was going TWEEN
ty miles an hour and my machine was
a Greased Lightning. Qeared to eighty