The Van Buren press., 1897-07-17

One New Soap Story.

One New Soap Story.
Oncst upon time | was travelin on
a railroad train through the broad and
bloomin state of Mississippi. That was
way back there in my gay and gorgeous
gallin days, and like the average Ameri-
can youngster will do, had let a blame
fool notion take up with me TO the gen
eral extent that | was good lookin-
a right tolerable handsome and mag
nolious cuss, you understand OF course
| can now see wherein | was foolin my
rusty self in those regards. In short,
friends and fellow citizens,
II oncst was lost but now I'm found,
Was blind but now l see."
Now there was a man in the cars sell
in fancy cake soap. Every oncst in
awhile he would come through preach
ing forth the extra fine qualities of that
soap, and sellin a cake to every man
which had two bits to spare. 1t was
the gonebyest most marvelsome soap
in the whole united world, and the HUI
man race had never saw anything like
it, to let him sing the song. 1t was
,eachin and go fetchin. If you wanted
to shave your whiskers off one good
lather would last for six weeks to come.
And a tired man could put a cake of
that soap under his pillow when he
went to bed at night and wake up the
next mornin with a clean shave and
fresh shampoo. And so on and so forth
Now, in my day and generation | have
seen whole passle OF people, first and
last. But white people, | did think in
my soul that soap man was way yonder
the most ugliest Twin mortal man |
had ever laid eyes upon. In the main
time | had listened to his song service
and his sirmont on soap till was plum
weak and weary anyhow, and then,
with the vain hopes of changin the
tune, put my mouth in.
"Will that famous fine soap make
ugly people pritty?" saysI.
ITO be certainly of course it will,
says the soap man.
well, why in thunder don't you use
a small smidgen of it on your own
manly COuultuduNG. say l.
The crowd laughed little around the
edges.
"Why don't ~" says the soap seller.
young man, l have been usin that soap
three times a day. 365 days in the year,
for about three years, and whilst no.
body would ever think it, burned If |
want as ugly as you are at the start.
Try cake. Only 25 cents, five niekels,
or quarter of dollar"
Then the committee retired and the
crowd screamed general horse laugh.
Holm Andrew ard the Tramps.
For some years past John Andrew
Milligan has been Twin over there clost
to Gravel Cut, only little ways from
the railroad station. So after supper
one night last week John Andrew come
over to our house and was tellin me
about the ups and downs and trials and
tribulation which he has had with
tramps.
IF you love your country, Rufe, don't
never git caught foolin' along with
tramps. SAYS John Andrew, whilst
there was somethin in his experiments
which brung to my mind what the
Scripture says in regard to the scorched
youth and the fireworks.
There are jest two things in this
green and wicked old world which
tramp will stay with and stick to. One
is the main line of a railroad, and the
other is his secret Bible oath never to
bruise the fair bosom of the earth with
marry durn lick of honest work. Along
about this time last year ! thought
that maybe | had found one lone eX-
ception to that general rule. 1t did
look to me like every day the good
Lord sent, with its sunshine and its
blessins. the devil would send along
few tramps TO try my patience and
hester the life outen me. All they
wanted was somethin to eat, and we
had fed en- and led EN- till by gracious
the children would git hongry between
meals and weep for cold victuals.
SO bright and early one mornin last
sprinc. when a tramp turned up in the
back yard. with dewdrops in his whisk-
crs and tangles in his hair and wanted
g lille handful Of somethin or other 10