The Monitor-register., 1897-06-11

foreigners that we have no interest in J"
Truth
**x
Fully Formed-"But you ale too
young" pleaded the anxious mother.
No girl should marry before her mind
is fully formed"
"Oh," said the gladstone maiden of
eighteen summers, "my mind has been
made up for more than week ''-CSn-
cSanati Inquirer
**x
Economical and Wealthy Father-"Do |
you know, my son, what strict economy |
would do for you ?'
Robert-'I know what it has done for |
me, father, and respect you for it."-
Harlem Life.
Lodger-"How much for the room l
had last night?"
Landlord-"Two and half"
Lodger-"That's pretty steep, isn't it,
considering 1 didn't sleep wink
was walking the floor at least half the
night"
Landlord-"So? Call it So: so cents
extra for wear and tear of the carpet.''-
Boston Transcript.
x*x
He-"They tell me your husband is
great artist" She-''That he is. He
painted picture of some onions for tn 10
last exhibition and they were so natural
that the committee put them on the top
line. SO that people wouldn't smell them."
-YOnkers Statesman.
~
Tatters (cheerfully)-"Good mornin'."
Farmer-''It wouldn't be good mornin'
eff l offered ye work."
Tatters-"Naw; de word 'ud be more
like good day, den. ."-Judge.
x*x
A Come Down-"Poor Madge Be-
fore her husband failed she used to drive
such an elegant turnout"
Eyes; and now she has a bicycle and a
bloomer suit, and won't turn out for
anything less than a trolley car" -
Indianapolis Journal
NV
Bertha-"Aud you permitted him to
kiss you ?''
Ethel-"How was l to prevent it |?
His face was so near mine, you know
that couldn't see what he was about" :"
| Poofno, Ts11 oco;oI
~
Sweet Content-Wayworn Watson
"Everything is gett'n' to be done by
machinery these days. 1t is something
awful"
Perry Patettio-"I don't see no call for
you, ner me, neither to git excited about
it. guess no machine won't never take
up our trade and ruin Cincinnati
Inquirer.
~
On Certain Conditions-"The fine viii
be So and COSTS" announced the police
magistrate.
'I'm willing to make it $40 and costs
Squire" said the scorcher, "if you'll
have it entered on the printed record
that l was going twenty miles an hou
and my machine was a Creased Light.
ming, geared to 's4 ."-Chicago Tribune
~
Visitor Gin insane asylum)-"What is
the nature of that poor fellows hallu.
cination ?''
Keeper-"He thinks that he invented
the various terms used by golf players. -
"Of course, it isn't true ?''
"Oh, no He is merely lunatio, not
an idiot p'-Puck.
| **x
Freshy-'Professor, is it ever possible
to take the greater from the less ?'
| Professor Potterby-There is pretty
close approach to it when the oonceit is
taken out of freshman. "-IudSanpoEis
Journal.
x*x
81 hope" said the elderly gentleman
who patronizes the arts, "that you will
not allow yourself to be contented with
slight results"
mo, indeed,'' replied the promising
prima donna.
'Strive to be further along to day than
you were yesterday"
"Tbat's exactly what have been
doing. This morning 1 struck the man
agem ent for $25 week more salary
Washington Star.
x*x
An unfort unate Headline.-''That art
icle of mine on the Cuban situation"
said the editor of "The Buglehorn," as
he sat down on the salt barrel, sis the
best thing 1 ever did,"
~ didn't see it. said the grocer.
"You didn't? 1t is the first thing on
the editorial page and headed, "The Only
Remedy
"Ohp
"Wellp"
Wv | seen the headline and Thought