Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1897-03-05
.PIN:D|ERPATCH.
Peter Pinderpatch was rustic legal
luminary, and also somewhat Of q hu-

enlarge his sphere Oh usclulucsS.
He purchased q lot of ground opposite
the postofIice at the Ridge settlement
and erected a neat board Office, where he
could more comfortably counsel his IN
fortunate lawbreaking neighbors. .
| After ,Pinder was settled in his new
office and his business was in good shape
again the postmaster, very observing
genius, gazcd at the shingle tackled to
the door and remarked: r.. .
"Hev ter stretch yer name out, Pin
der, now yer got new Office, eh?'
"Hain't rler name big ernough?' in
quired the country lawyer.
eyes, but yer been carryin it so long
hits pooty well worn now. Yer ought
to put er patch on it. -
"Goodp' calculated the legal lumi-
nary. ''Pu+ CT patch on it,! Peter Pin
derpatch. How'll tibet do yer?''
And from that day Lawyer Peter
Pinderpatch has carried that name, and
he will no doubt bear it till he takes
his departure to the better land. -
Oftentimes the judge Of the court at
Balsam Apple Ridge would absent him
the country. On these occasions Pinder-
patch was empowered to dispense justice
until the ma 5istrate's return.
There was an cid man named Job
Corner who lived several miles away
from the settlement and was necessarily
getting into trouble with the court.
He was convivial old fellow, who
! liked toddy whenever he could get one,
and he was not scrupulously honest. AT
every term of court Job Corner was sure
to he prisoner before the bar. At one
time he would be up for failing to work
the public road. At another time he
would face the judge on the charge Of
stealing a hog. Again, he would be call
ed to answer for the minor offense of
being drunk and disturbing the peace of
the neighborhood.
One pleasant morning Pinderpatch as
cendcd the bench at the courtroom, the
regular judge being off on one of his
tours.
Court was called to order by the con-
stable, and the few lefty cases for the
day were soon examined and properly
settled. 49,
"Call the next case on the docket, >"
commanded his honor in a shrill voice.
Sob Conner" slowly drawled the
constable.
"Job Corner, come up" commanded
the court.
Job tremblingly approached the bar
Of justice. ,.,1
"W'at yer up yere fur, Job" sternly
aaked Pinderpatch. "Gettin drunk?" g..
"Nuh, " muttered the prisoner, shak-
ing his head. ~. =
Stealth hogs?'' :s@as.s 50 ~ ia''.rs
y ''Nuh." l5.T FsE,1s. ?,
''Road defaulter?'' .~sr
"Nuh." =: s..s.> .--.F &C.,
Numerically beatin bulls?''
"Nuh.'
''Breakin up church meetin?'' =
"Nuh."
''Well, whut ther deuce air ye up
here fur, Job, anyhow?''
"Beat mer wife, /
''Eh!' grunted the astonished justice.
"Beat yer wife, Job?'' !
"Uh hunh." 49,
''Hed er fust rate set to, Job?'
"You bet"
''Who licked-you?'
''Nuh."
"Ole 'oman?''
"Uh hunh."
"smau pertaters, Job; small perta.
tiers! Let er oman lick yerl Air ye
guilty or not guilty of the charge ergin
yer?'' =.
"Not guilty." pleaded the prisoner.
"Want to be tried by the jury er by
ther court?''
BY ther court, jedge."
The judges face assumed solemn
expression, and he cried out rapidly:
"Let the case Of the state versus Job
Corner come ter trial. Their evidence all
in. Prisoner at the bar guilty in the
fust degree. Job Corner, hev yer any
thing ter say why sentence should not
be pronounced immediately"
II heant, replied the prisoner sheep
ishly. ~ .,.
ever been convicted before?'' asked
his honor. rs /
"Uh hunh," grunted Job.
''Fur what?'' =.
"Breakin the peace"
''En fur gamblin, too, wasn't yer?"
yves" -b,urted out Job.
''En hog stealin?''
''Uh hunL.
''How long yer been out er Jail, Job?'
''Heant been thar yit. " .. -. =
eyer heant, dad blame yer hide, yer
good for nothin wife beaterl Yer heant
never been in,jail yit, heant yer2 Yell
keep on in yer defiance Of the majesty
Of the law, will yer? Job Corner. stand
up. The decree Of this honerabbul tri-
bunal is thet you be discharged from it's
jurisdiction an custody, an ct yer dir
ever ketched up here before this bar of
Justice ergin tibet yer be fined IS fur
contempt Of court. Grand jurors an petty
jurors discharged tell termorrow morn
ing at half past O'Clock. "-B. B.
Garrison in New Orleans Times-Demo-
crat 9t-.. a. ~ H. 3.--..z rs..,.-- .s'.- :.