Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1897-05-31
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

She-"How are you getting on with
your bicycle, Capt Vert?"
He Ga beginner)- "Oh, splendidly; get
ting on about every two minutes"
There's much pathos to his work"
'But he draws so badly"
'eThat's where the pathos comes in
Truth t.s
When you hear man talking about a
"tip" that he has received, it is not only
always easy to determine whether he is a
waiter or only bicyclist.-Boston Tran
script
IT never realized how much there was
in life until I got married"
''Nor /, never dreamed SO many
things had to be bought Typographical
Journal.
s'What do you think of Nansen as a
lecturer?'
''Well, it seemed to me that he never
properly warmed up to his subject. -
Pick-Me-Up.
Mrs. Henpeck latter : little difference
of opinion)-'I suppose you felt like a
fool when you proposed to me?
Mr. Henpeck-"No, didn't, but was.
-Pick-Me-Up.
Mrs. Talkerley-"So you are going to
marry Col. Iandly. my dear? tAnd. |
hear you love the ground he walks on
him. London Pick-Me-Up:
'The1 you agree with the, Rev. Mr..
Straitlace on the question of eternal pun
ishment!'
Not exactly. We both believe in it,
but I'm not.in favor of Truth.
His Command.-McLubber Clearing
a suspicious noise in the kitchen)- ''Moi-
key, pivot are are yez dom out dhere?'
berty (sternly)-"W ull, stop it at vance,
Judge.
She-"I hear Harriet's uncle, who blew
out the gas in his room while on visit
to New York, has left her fortune
He-"Well, it's an i'll wind that blows
nobody any good, you ow."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Locating the Pain-smith- "Penman
is suffering fro from h writer's cSamR" Per
Where should it be?" Perkins-"I have
known it to affect some writer's in the
stomach. Brooklyn Life.
Hobson-"Have you any mosquitoes
where you live in Jersey?'
Debson-"M Millions, but everybody has
the chills and fever, and we shake so
that the mosquitoes can't stay long
enough in one place to sting. New York
Advertise.
A Respite-"You won't be wanted for
two more days YETI said the chief pur-
veyor of MbWpka to his prisoner Your
mate promises to last longer than we an
ticipated." BILL" said the sailor in the
cage, was always hard man to down"
indianapolis Journal.
Bill-"Did you get that job as Office
boy, JIMMY"
J;nmy-s'No; the gent arsked me if I
was a good. whistler an told i'm | was
the best whistler in our street, an then
e said L wouldn't do. S'pose e wanted
a Professional. Pick Me-Up.
Gun ah," said Rev. Mr.: Wilgus, as
he looked over the scanty missionary col
lection. 81 asked this congregation to
aid in the illumination of the benighted
heather mind And I must say that such
a lot of light givers it has never before
been my experience to meet. lndianap-
oils Journal.
The little girl was a member of large
and noisy family. She was visiting the
house of a neighbor one day; there the
of the house impressed her. Mrs.
Blank" she exclaimed at last, sis it al
ways as quiet here? / don't see'-draw>
ing a long breath-'I don't see how you
can breathe. New York Times.
The Heiress-.'Papa, buy that Vatican
for me-" The Hundred Millionaire But,
my dear, this is the !, Louvre. It belongs
TO the government. he helIeSS-
Then buy the government, pop The
Hundred Millionaire-"But my child, the
government represents the whole Of
France" The Heiress-"I say, pop, !
want that picture-buy France!' -Truth.
why, Norah," said Mrs. K. to the
new cook, II thought you said that you
knew how to make nut cake" AN
phwat is that if it isn't a nut cake,
ma'am?" But you put your nuts in
wholev' "Begorry, an I tot yeez was
as able to crack 'em as I was. Yer teeth's
as good as mine!' -Harper's Bazaar.
''What did your wife say when you
got home the other morning." inquired
Scorcher as they met after the all-night
run to Cycle villa.
What did she say?" repeated Sprock-
cts. MY dear fellow, do you think had
an expert stenographer on the spot?'-
Washington Times.