The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-12-01
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

''They are not very thick, thenP"
''No; fancy they see through each
other. Puck.
"When there isn't company" said
Edith, "the baby wakes up only with
his eyes, but when there's company
he wakes up with his mouth, too. -
Judge.
New Yorker-"Hav you spent
much time in investigating microbes,
Miss Back Bay?" Boston Girl-"Yes,
indeed; 1 dote on the dear little
Michaeirobes. Judge.
''The Dey of Algiers is very short
man, isn't hep" "I believe So"
''Then it would be true to say that
the people of Algiers are as honest as
the Dey is long. Puck.
Ethei-"What kind of maR is this
Mr. Washington you speak of so
often?" Jack-"Well, he is what we
men call a good fellow" Ethel
"Mercy AS bad as that?"-Puck,
Little Bob-"Aw, 1 could walk the
rope just as well as the man in the
circus il it wasn't for one thing"
Little Willie-"What is that?" Lit
tie Bob-"Pd fall off. "-Harper's
Bazaar
New Servant-'.I found this coin
upon your desk, sir. Master-"I
am glad you are honest. l put it
there purposely to test your honesty"
New Servant - "That's what /
thought. "-Standard.
"Johnny, Johnny, what do you
mean by hitting your little brother on
the head with the hammer?' 81
couldn't help it, NAV. That cap
you've got on him made him look so
much like tack. indianapolis Jour
nal
Mrs. Farmer-"Don't you never do
no workP" Tired Tomkins-"W Well,
say; if yer knew w'ot hard work it wuz
fer college bred man ter keep his
temper whist answerin' ungrammat-
ical females yer wouldn't ask dat. -
Judge.
Little Arthur had been to church
"How did you like the sermonP" asked
his sister. pretty WE'LL" responded
the youthful critic. "The beginning
was very good, aud so was the end, but
it had too much middle. "+London
Tit Bits.
81 once knew man whose hair
changed from black to white in sim
gle night because he lost his fortune I"
"Well, / know Il girl who lost her for
tune, and her hair changed from au.
burn to red in less time than it takes
to tell it. Detroit Journal.
Mrs. Nubbons-"My husband is a
perfect brute" Friend-"You amaze
me- Mrs. Nubbons -"Since the
baby began teething nothing would
quiet the little angel but pulling his
papa's beArd-and, yesterday, he
went aud had his beard shaved off. "
Standard.
Host-"Why did you give that man
the most expensive rooms IN the
house? Do you know if he has the
means to pay?" Porter--"Of course
10. Would that pretty young woman
have married such an ugly old fellow
if he wasn't rich as Cr9susY Y-Flie
gende Blaetter.
First Whitecap-"H a letter
from the wife of the man we lynohed
last night" Second Whitecap-"Yo
don't say sor' First Whitecap-"Yes
she says she likes our style of doing
things very much, and asks if we'd
mind dropping up some evening this
week TO hang few pictures for her. "
Detroit Journal.
Reeder-"Good gracious, mani
Why do you buy that trashy magazinel
There is nothing to read in it. y
Wheeler lin amazementl go Trashy
Nothing to read? Why, man alive,
you must be crazy This magazine
contains more bicycle advertisements
than any other two magazines put to-
getherl" rl"-Puck.
The Chicago Times Herald eau give
a good answer to almost any question.
When the Denver Post wondered why
the cartoonists always represent Uncle
Sam with trousers much too short for
him, it said: "rhe trousers are long
enough, but the old mans legs have
been pulled so often that they are now
really longer than they ought to be. y
West Union Gazette
Miss De Fashion (breathlessly)-
"Ob, mother, it won't do to wait three
weeks before having my party We
must send out the invitations at once,
and have it this week. Mrs. De
Fashion-"Goodness mel what's the
hurryg" Miss De Fashiou-''rhat
Qdious Miss De Pretty, whom Mr..
Richfellow SO much admires, bas boil
on her nose. New York Weekly.
The physician in charge had decided
that an operation should be per
formed. "Do you think, asked a
relative, anxiously, that the opera.
ton viii do any good?" well, ]
should say it would, replied the doc
ton, confidently "And he'll liveg"
"0h, dear, no; not at all. But it will
settle a medical point that has been in
dispute for the last fifty years --
Chicago Post.