The Monitor-register., 1897-11-26
A FUN.

@ 'oht Nh1o oA hO LAO0uo OhAy
one gil at a time. ~ Chicago Record.
~
His call had lasted something like two
hours, when he suggested that he be-
why don't you goP" she asked. - Chicago
Post.
Doctor-The residents of this city re-
quire a change of air at least once a year.
Composer-That's what; every one is
sick of "Sweet Rosie O'Grady."-U TO-
Date.
"a horse is superior to a wheel, after
ALL"
SIN what way?"
'If you run over anybody while riding
horseback you can blame the horse."-
Chicago Record.
Nv
Mrs. Prye-Tell me, dear, do you ever
quarrel with your husband?
Mrs. Lamb-Never. But he often
quarrels with me, the hateful thing
Boston E0enGng Transcript.
x*x
"Does your sister sing much, GeorgeP"
"Not when I'm around"
whats the reason?"
81 always leave when she begins.'-
OleoeIand Plain Dealer.
~
Teacher-So you've forgotten already
what l told you yesterday. What's the
use of your head, Johnny Miggs?
Johnny Miggs-Please, sir, to keep my
collar on.-Rek-Me-Up
~
Cholly Softly-Awl Good evening,
Miss Brightly. And how do 1 find you
this evening?
Miss Brightly-Why, really, Mr..
Softly, I didn't expect you.-Puck.
x*x
Critic-Where did you get the idea of
that story?
Author-Out of my head.
Critic-Gracious. how glad you must
be that it's out.-PhaGdelphGG Gall.
So
1.-THE jury were out several days and
then failed to agree"
"That shows the folly of masculine
juries. A jury of women would have
disagreed much sooner than that."-
Detroit Free Press.
81 hear that Miss Munns is very
wealthy in her own right"
Eyes"
"Auy incumbrances2"
"Yes. A se~ven-year-old brotherl"-
Judy.
1.-THE more 1 go hunting the harder it
is for me to understand howl
show you always miss, hey, doctor?''
"Oh, dear, no-how there are people
who make their living by huntingr'-
Hiegende Bldtter.
ga
Pensioner Old String-Yes, Guv'nor,
I've braved the very jaws of death-and
here / ami
Old Gent-And I've braved the jaws of
my old for nigh thirty years
shake hands!-II-Bas.
x*x
Heidi you tell your father that I
would kill myself if 1 couldn't have you.
She-Yes.
He-What did he say?
She-He said that settled it. You
couldn't have me.-C Chicago News.
Collins, the Crook-Here's an account
Il a fellow wot took eighty ounees of
gold out'n one pocket, in Alasky.
Petey, the Pickpocket-I sh'u'd t'ink
de Teller he touched would we missed all
dat weight out # bis clothes.-Puck.
+
Compensation-''Farewell!" he sobbed.
The beautiful Miranda, the light of
his life, was, alasl another's.
However, the same thing was true of
the umbrella he managed to grab in the
hall as he left her forever Detroit
Journal.
Adolphus Burlington (p~leadinRly)-
Don't be cruel and hard -hearted, Colonel.
Give me your daughters hand, and I
promise she shall never be separated from
her family.
Colonel Blunty-That's precisely why
1 object to the marrisge.-Detro& FREQ
Press.
"What is INTEREST,""
''Interest is what a man pays you when
he borrows your money"
"What is usury?"
"Usury is what you ave to pay a man
when you borrow bis money. Chicago
Daley Tribune.
Dun| should like to know how many
times l have got to call for this money
before 1 get it. ,
Debtor-Well, some people are
curious about such things; but, frankly,
it's a matter that doesn't interest me in
the slightest.-B0ston Transcript.
***
"Paw, is it true that there's nothin'
new under the sun?" "That's what a
wise man used to say" SWELL you buy
me a bicycle of the latest pattern and
thereW be somethin' new uuder yours."-
Chicago Tribune.
~
Not long ago q lady was talking with
che literary interpreter of ''The Ghetto"
"Mr. Zangwill," she said, suddenly, 81
don't think l know your Christian
name"
"Madam," said the novelist. II have
no Christian name, but my other name
is Isaac."-DetrOit Free Press.
The Shakers of Mount Lebanon, a com
muDity of simple, honest, God-fearing
men and women, have prepared the
Shaker Digestive Cordial for MANY years