Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-09-02
TROLLEY CAR TYPES
Peculiarities Of PassengersW hoTravel
Out Into the Suburbs.
CHARACTERS met BY 4 CONDUCTOR
The Various Phases Assumed by
the Great American Kicker.
A REVIEW OF THE GENIUS

YES" said the trolley car conductor who
was dismissed from Harvard for statue
| Painting, this line of cars was constructed
| and put into operation chiefly for the ac-
| commoda ton of kickers. They patronize 1t
( to the exclusion of almost every other
| means of urban and suburban transporta-
| ton. When everything goes all right at
| bome-baby well, wife good natured and
1 economical, cook not particularly overbear-
| ing-and they've got no chance in life to
| make a roar, they get lonesome. Then they
| clap on their hats and take ride on these
| cars; and by the time they have finished
| their cruise peace is Graded in their hearts,
| for they have a good hour or so to exude
kicks, you know, and that's what they
| were born for.
| Now, l am not responsible for the
| grades on this line of road. you will I'M
| derstand when these grades were made
| was just exactly 20J0 geographical miles
| from Washington. But that fact doesn't
| sever any trapped water with the kickers.
They've got it into their heads that 1 was
| the engineer-in-chief who surveyed and
| built this road. and they're sore on me on
| account of these grades. They tell me that
ought to be ashamed of myself on ac-
| count of these grades, and day by day 1
feel myself growing ashamed Going down,
you know, the grades all right; the
| klckerS beam, open their mouths and ac-
cumulate great sulps of fragrant woodland
| wind, and take off their hats to let the
| breeze toy with and tcUsle UP their hair.
| But going up the grades is the thing; the
| car; crawl along side by side with the girls
| escortng their wheels up the hills and the
| kickers begin to glare at me and try to
| shrivel me- up. Those of them that don't
| get mad and tell me that the line is worse
than dummy ore read up in the Lake
| Superior country look so abused over these
| up grades that I actually feel sorry for
| them. They gaze at me with reproving
| eyes, and l cannot help but feel that after
| all l have made sorry enough hash of
my life.
| The Matter of OvercrOwdfng.
| Then, in the matter of overcrowding the
| cars. You see, 1 not the president and
| the board of directors of this suburban
railroad; if l were perhaps things would be
| different Who was that old guy of an in
| fdel who said that had he been consulted
| at the creation Of the world he might have
| spared the Creator some absurdities? Well
| anyhow, as have said, 1 am not the hea p
| big people running this road; l simply
| draw sl2 per week for taking up nickels
| and tickets and getting myself disliked.
| All the same. the kickers can't see the
thing in this light at all. They've got it
| into their skulls Unto which it would be
! scientifically interesting to cast some X
| rays that l let people get on to these cars
| after all the seats are filled for two rea-
/
| dividends, Of which 1 am the chief recipi-
| ent. and, second, for the deviiish amuse-
| ment l extract In the game of making
| hem hostile. They have it figured out that
| my existence would be a dismal proonga-
! ton of misery if l were not compelled to
| DO a contortioniSt and acrobatic act in
Wrlgsllng through and above and below
| men clutching the handles as they stand on
! the steps. Their Imagination pictures me
| as being plunged in the profoundest gloom
Wnen the cars are only comfortably filled.
WI, WITH i hve people In seat and none stand
| ing. What the ID do you let any more
| on for. when the seats are all filled?' they
| ask me, with the Veins on their foreheads
swelling and their countenances apoplectic
| looking Can l smile in their teeth? Well
| no. But l can keep my head closed and
| say nothing. What do l let them on for?
II is funny. that question! I suppose that
any man who's got a job that will hermit
! him TO pay his board and keen out of the
| ram and sleet has a sneakirg sort of de-
sire TO hold that job, hasn't he? What do
| let EN- on for,
DisS1tisned With the Schedule.
| And then, with regard to the waits at
| the switches. 1t is one of the misfortunes
| of my life that 1 was not given an oppor-
| tunlty to arrange the running schedule of
| thls hne OF cars. l lie awake O. nights
| with that grief. But / must accent the
misfortune calmly. I was not requested
| to contribute any brain flag whatsoever to
the dev1sing of the roads running sched-
ule, and. hard as 1t is I must accent the
| silsht. The only thing that l can do is to
| run my train on to switch when I am
ordered to do SO, and thereby save a few
| dozens or human lives. With my blood
thirsty inclinations, 1 should like to go
a aad f anead, regardless of these trivial
| fear of the law. 1t is hard, though. to
endure the shafts of bitter yindfctiye
hatred that CLEAN from the eyes of the
kickers when my train is stalled for
while on switch, and lately / have
| thought good deal of going to the KIon-
| all. LYNN ~
There Are kickers-and Others.
| But 1t Is not the kickers alone who con-
trive to cast little rays Of sunshine across
| our dalliant paths. There are others-oh.
many many others. The small boy-and
not infrequently the physically, but not
mentally, grown man-who detests the
craven who waits until the cars stop be-
| fore getting off, and who finds his health
| becoming affected unless he attempts to
| jump off when the train is going down a
| grace at the rate OF twenty miles or SO an
hour He is one of them. He thinks, 1
| suppose, that 1t adds to the security of our
| jobs to have a few people killed from our
| trains every day or so, and he wants to
| help us along. 1 have learned, however. to
| instinctively size him up as soon as he
| boards the train, and 1 watch him on the
whole trip so carefully that l sometimes
| forget to take up fares. At his first move
| ment In the direction of the step. am
| right there, and he always looks at me as
| If [ were coward in my soul when 1 mild
| ly request him. for the sake of those at
| home, to refrain from attempting to do
| the triple somersault; at least until he is
prepared to die.
Elderly Ladies', Too.
'Then the elderly ladies who want to get
off at Glen Echo, and get themselves car
| ried straight through to Cabin John-they
| infuse their little share of joy into our
weary lives. When my train arrives at
Glen Echo l employ SO much vocal force in
announcing that fact that find of late
am compelled to use troches to relieve my
| extreme hoarseness. But does all of this
| lung vociferation of mine server Oh, no.
| no; 1t does not serve. Very often, after
| exhibiting almost humiliating frenzy in
| pointing out with voice and arms that nv
| train has positively stopped at Glen Echo
| for the accommodation of passengers who
| wish to alight at that sylvan spot, I OBJ
| serve, after 1 have signaled the train to
| start on for Cabin John, several elderly
| ladies. singly or in pairs remaining in
| their seats. Although l have a most posi-
| tive consciousness that at the outset of
their journey they were bound for Glen