Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1897-05-13
ODD THINGS In EPITAPHS.
These Strange Things Are Found On Church.
yard Slabs in Old England

UDU InIhU0 In EfiTApEO.
These Strange Things Are Found on Church
yard Slabs in Old England.
An article entitled Epitaphs of a
Country Churchyard would doubt
less be interesting. Mr. /. A. Tay-
Tor writes in the North American
Review on "English Epitaphs' and
quotes DIR. Johnson to the effect
that though few can expect to fur
nish matter for heroic poem, each
one may confidently look forward
to be recorded in an epitaph.
However, the humorous and Gu
rious side of the epitaph always APP
peals to people. The old English
epitaphs present oftentimes an un-
usual and sometimes unllatterlng
report of the deceased person. An
American epitaph, that is. suppos-
eddy American, is that written for
the perhaps mythical Sarah Jane
Lowder. Here it is:
Here Hes the body of Sarah Jane Lowder,
Who busted from drinking Seidlitz powder.
Here Is her body, her s0n j. az rest.
she should have waited till il cffeFvesccd
Play upon the name of the de-
ceased is not infrequent. The ep-
itaph written for John Bugg was
something like this
Here lies John Bugg,
As snug as bug IN Il rug.
BY the side of John Bugg one
William Rugg was laid. Ills cpl
taph read :
Here lies William Rugg,
Snugger than
The other bugger
There are powerful examples of
invective to be met with in epitaphs,
says Mr. Taylor, and he notes the
arraignment of Francis Charters
by DIR. Arbuthnot, which concludes
with the words:
"Who with an inflexible constan-
cy and inimitable uniformity of life
Persisted in Spite of Age and In
trinity in the practice of every hu-
man vice."
Here is the epitaph written for
Dean Swift, who was himself the
master in the art of invective.
Here lies one Swift, one Hariey's master
tool,
Spendthrift or wit, who at length died a fool.
VINO Tor his jest ne'r spared friends or foes;
mes Eone-Dut whcTc-thp Lord Of Oxford
Nnows."
Here is another uncomplimenta-
ry epitaph
Here lies Sir john Bridgman. clad i'm his CLAW.
uod sald 70 the Devil, 'Sirrah. take hiIa away
An unfeeling epitaph is this
whether he laughed, whether he cried,
Nobody smiled nobody sighed
where he is and how he fares.
Nobody knows and nobody cares"
The Black Prince in Canterbury
Cathedral laments his past great
ness and complains
my beautye great is all quite gone.
Ny ieshc Il wasted To the bone;
Ny mousse IS narrow now and thronge.
Nothing but truthe comes from my tongue
And II ye should see NEE this Dayc.
do not think but ye wolde save
That had never beenc 4 man.
so much altered now am -
Here are the pitiful lines quoted
by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Poorly lived, poorly died,
Fooriy buried, and nobody cried"
This doggerel is both pathetic and
locose and tells how
'Hic jaect Tom shorthorisc. sine tomb. sine
sheets, sine riches.
Qui qixit sine gown. sine cloak. sine shirt.
sine brifchcs."
The epitaph of Lady O'Looney
said that she was "bland, passion
ate and deeply religious. Also she
painted in water colors and sent
several pictures to the exhibition.
She was the first cousin to LADY
Jones-and of such is the Kingdom
of Heaven.
A baby, having.lived in this world
two years, tells why he came and
why he left:
THE railteg world turn'd poet, made n play,
came tn sec it, dislikc.l and went away"
Here is verse found in a Cor
nish churchyard
Here lie without the walls.
because there Is no room Within
They Kept such brawls:
Here lie and have no rent To pay
Ana yet lie as warm they"
The negative tone rs evident here,
for it is told that under the stone
at Chestnut
Lies the body of Richard Kind
no was neither ingenious. sober nor kind.
Here il Suffolk inscription
which cannot be said to veil the
faults of the deceased +:
Here lies the body Of Joe SeweH.
IN, NJ ~ ~ MS wife was very cruel.
- any man in CbriStcndom
This Is ali Ill say of Joe.
There ne lies and Let him GO.
The sinister verse in memory OF
one Sullen is like this
Here lies John SuIlesf. and IL Il Gods win
lie that WIS Sullen will Ii SulI..n sill.
nc sun i Sullen; II the truth you seek.
hnock until doom > day. Sulleu will not speak
In Horace Walpole's manuscript
there Is a copy of an epitaph on a
person named Button:
Q sum Neon. stars. and We Celestial Poles
Are graves then dwindlcd into button-hoIes'
The epitaph of comedian ends
with these lines
The nal'lest character he acted wei.
And Heaven appiaasled- the curtain
fell" '''