Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-01-07
College Wit.

William Mathews, LID, gives in
the Wdtchman some good specimens
of college wit. There are some col
lege jokes which time and the
removal from their own sustaining
atmosphere have not wholly desic-
Gated; as, for example, the reply of
the student to the professor who
asked him one Monday morning
what church he had attended the
day before. 81 worshiped at the
First Church." "Are you not aware,
sir, that there was no service at the
First Church yesterdays" CT
meant, Professor, the first church I
came TO-"
That senior, whose class was stu
dying mental philosophy, certainly
won his spurs as wit who, when
asked, Does an effect ever go be-
fore cause ?" promptly responded,
Yes, SIR" "Give an example. {"
a man wheeling a barrow.n
We doubt if Tom Hood could
have made happier reply than that
made some fifty years ago by a stu
dent at Waterville College (uow
Colby University to Martin B. An
derson, Professor of Rhetoric in that
institution. The student had read a
sparkling composition" on the day
appointed for that class exercise, and
the professor, knowing or suspecting
it to have been cribbed from some
public print, asked, as he sat down,
" Is that essay original, Mr.. Jones ?"
/ don't know, SIR" was the prompt
reply cit had original over it, in
in the newspaper took it from %
1t was Harvard student who, be-
ing caught by college professor at
bonfire in the college campus, after
his associates had fed, said, in reply
to an expression Of surprise that he
should be found in such company,
Why, 1 see nobody here but you
and me, Professor -
1t was Yale senior, who, having
proposed" to young lady, was
answered, "Yes, ! will be yours on
one condition." That's all right,n
he responded, unabashed; ~ en-
tered Yale with sir."
1t is but fair, having given these
examples of undergraduate wit, that
we should Offset them with some
specimens of professional humor.
Have 1 not told you more than
ONCE" said the Professor of Rhet-
oric many years ago to q Dartmouth
College student, whose composition
he had just revised, "that capital
letters should be used only at the be-
ginning of sentence, or when COM
mencing the name of the Deity, or
any proper name? Yet 1 see you
have begun every line OF this piece
with capitals" "True, sir" re-
piled the student, crestfallen, " but
this is poetry" ooh, hop ex-
claimed the professor, "this is
poetry, is it? Indeed, / was not
aware of that !"
One Of the wittiest, as we'll as one
of the most accurate and accom-
plished of American scholars, was
the late Professor A. G. Hendrix, of
Rochester University. Having one
day in the classroom remarked that
the Greek proposition els invariably
meant into," he was reminded by
one of his pupils that a professor in
another college had asserted the con-
trary. WE'LL" was the reply, elf
that be true, 1 can only say he has
slipped up on the els, that's ALL"
Some years ago the State Univer-
sity Of Michigan, a freshman was
called up to translate passage in
the Greek Testament. With On
abundance of irons, he boldly arose,
holding in his hand book whose
parallel columns of Greek and Eng
lish were not visible to the professor.
" Read the Creek" said the teacher.
The student read. " Translate
said the teacher. The student trans
lated with almost startling fiuency.
" Yes" said the instructor, slowly :;
" You read the Greek pretty we'll,
Mr.. ShortWeight, and you read the
English very we'll but there is not
the slightest connection between the
two!"
1t has been truly said that from
many thunder-cloud of opposing
forces and cross-currents of oppos-
ing wills, a happy pleasantly will
sometimes draw the lightning HARM
lessly down in a tinkling rain of
laughter. How adroitly that Scotch
professor neutraliZed piece of inn
pertinence, when some of his pupils
had modified the announcement that
Professor So-and-so" would meet
his classes on certain day, by strik-
Ing out the C! The professor did
not lose his temper. He simply
struck out the !, and the victory was
his.
WHY A CAT LIGHTS ON ITS FEET.
An eXperimenter recently undertook