The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-06
"a NOVEL GUARANTEE.
q COMPANY THyf FURNISHES GER
TlFiCATES TO WoOERS.

A boon to the Busy Man With Mar
riagcabIe Daughter-Rathcr Ono sidod.
AS the yTife Is Not Bound-An Inter-
viewer of Whom Something Was known.
Seeing the sign over the door, I enter.
ed. IF you wish to confer with the
| president, sir, !" said tho young man i'll
front, "you will find him in his private
office" and thanking him entered the
rear room, whore pleasant faced man
| greeted me cordially.
Won't you DO seated?" he said,
grasping mo by tho hand. lis your
business confidential"
"Not Mt all, . replied. Gas wa.
passing by I thought would stop tx
and inquire into the nature and scope
of the Lovers Guarantee company
which see advertised so extensively"
Certainly, he responded. 81 shall
be only too glad to inform you what we
are here for. The Lovers Guarantee
company was formed for the purpose of
securing good husbands to all maidens
matrimonially. inclined, and the great
success we have met with thus fer
for our existence. The average man of
affairs has little time to look up the
character and antecedents of the young
fellow who applies for his daughters
hand. We look him up, and if he is sat
lsfactory he gives us a bond, which en-
titles him to o certificate guaranteeing
him to be all that he claims This bond
may DO good for five OF ten years. A
mans financial status is of course easy
to determine, bnt it is into the finer at
tributes Of character that we examine
particularly. Our certificate is all abso-
Lutte guarantee of the man. OF course
we have to DO particular, for should the
wife at any timo insist upon o separa-
ton and show cause under the contract
wo would have to pay all her legal ex-
penses and furnish her q new husband
or mako over to her certain payments. -
but suppose, /" said I, latter the
man is married off, there develops some
hidden trait, some idiosyncrasy that
causes unhappiness, but not separation,
what do you do then?'
Such cases, replied the president
OF the Lovers Guarantee company, faro
rare, but of course they do occur. In
case like this we examine into the cause
of tho difficulty, and if the man be
wrong the fact that he is under bond
gives us power over him, and generally
we bring him to terms. -
"But, said I, suppose the woman
in the case is wrong?''
This, explained the president, sis
extremely unfortunate. MS wo have no
means of reaching her direct, having no
power over her. We can, however, adj
wise the man what to do, generally with
most felioitous results. AS rule, these
differences come from ignorance on both
sides. Where they are extreme and
separation is advisable we have in our
employ the best lawyers, and divorces
are obtained in the most private way. =
We have in our employ one of the \
most eminent phrenologists in the coun-
try, who examines the heads of all ap-
plicants. Our head physician, who gave
up large practice to come with us, has
q growing staff Of assistants, and these
look carefully into the physical condi-
ton Of the applicants. You may depend
upon it that when an applicant has sue
cessfully run the gantlet we lay out for
him he will make good husband. We
advise oil young married people to have
homes of their own, no matter how
and have home bureau through
which member can obtain advice on
the most desirable way to live, the best
locations, q list of houses and apart
ments and tho lowest rents. By this
means we arc enabled to make an ar
rangement with landlords SO that our
patrons can obtain certain discounts and
privileges Were you thinking -aheml
of entering upon tho new life?'
"Oh, no, !" replied modestly. st am
already married, and, added laugh
ingly, 81 don't suppose cases Of this sort
como under your jurisdiction.
Indeed they do. replied the presi.
dent of tho Lovers Guarantee company.
I'VE have lately formed department.
for tho benefit of married people and
find 1T to DO great success. For small
sum yearly, i'll advance, we furnish la
dies with advice as to tho proper man
agement of husbands and direct them
how to act in special emergencies. For
instance, should husband DO called
away too frequently at night ON bust.
ness, imbibe too frccly--I may say this
is ono Of our greatest obstacles or
should ho become i'll natured or non
tractablc, wo tell her what to do. -
us this department secret?''
mot at all, +" he responded. Indeed
we invite publicity Such is our repu-
tation that the nero fact mado known
to man that his namo is on our books
will have tendency to bring him to
his senses. /"
MY dear SIR" said warmly as /
rose to go. "you are accomplishing
great work, and am clad I called in to