davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17


els per annum (which seems about the
average value), ii is clear that the net
dividend on all shares is a27, ZIG. MIR.
Adams. believing it to be worth 1858,
paid for it 14.1 years purchase. The
jury valued it at e28S. which, taking
the annual return at e18, would be 10
years purchase, making The Times
worth e435, 456. This, however, does
not quite correctly, / believe, represent
the value, for MIR. Walter, as printer,
derives a large profit on an old contract.
This contract, in point of fact, represents
what may be called preference shares,
while those Of the shareholders may be
termed ordinary shares, the value OF The
Times being the sum total Of BOTH
London Truth.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Emp eror of China's Physician.

Sir G. Etaunton related a curions an
ecdote of old. KEN Long, emperor of
China. II g was inquiring of Sir George
the manner in which physicians wers
paid in E ngland. When, after some diff
fculty, his majesty was made to com.
prehend the system, he exclaimed SIS
any man well in England that can
afford to be i'll? Now, I will inform
you" said he, ''how 1 manage my ply
sicians. ] have four, to whom the care
of my he lth is committed. A certain
weekly salary is allowed them, but the
moment ] am i'll the salary stops till I
INN we'll again. I need not inform Won
my illnesses are usuaIly short.
mark Lemons Jest Book.o
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
A Rocky Way tn Die.

She How terrible to be stoned to
deathl
He-Yes, it must make one feel rath.
er rocky. Yale Record.
A Worried Parent.
IT guess" remarked Farmer Corntos.
sci, ''thet we'd better hev Josiar stop
studyin so hard. 'Tain't good fur lis
mind"
II haven't noticed anything on.
usual"
"Mebbe ye amt. But I hev. When
he come home fur his vacation, after
~travelin hundreds of miles, whit do "
think his fust words was?"
81 d'no."
HE says, We'll, father, I'm halt
back now.'
II looked at i'm, an I says, what
do ye mean?'
"'I mean what / say. I'm nall
back
II says: 'Josiar, son, don't ye realize
whur ye are? Ye amt half back. Ye'rs
all the way back, an I'm glad ter see "
too An all he done was ter jes' laugh
an say he'd tell me all about it some
time. "-Washington Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Testing an Atlantic Cable For Leaks.

Testing an Atlantic Gable For Leaks.
When the insulated strand. or the
core" of the cable, as it is hence
forth called, passes from this opera.
ton, it must go to the testing room
to determine if the insulation is
really perfect, or if a little electrici-
ty still can escape from the copper.
1t would be useless to make this test
in the air, since even without an in
sulator the current does not pass
readily into air. 1t must be tested
under water, in the medium in
which it is to be employed. Shallow
tanks filled with water receive each
section, and after a section has lain
"a hours in the water in order to
come to the same temperature as
the water the test is applied. If the
effect which ought to be produced
on his galvanometer by passing in.
to the core a certain quantity of
electricity does not result, the cleo.
trician knows that there is a flaw
and that the insulation is imperfect
that is, that the electricity is es-
Gaping.
There is nothing that can be
measured with more accuracy than
electricity. The laws which govern
its flow in a body are perfectly un-
derstood. The electrician knows
how much he poursin. He can draw
1t out, measure it, treat it, in short,
as if it were water in a pipe. A leak
in an electric wire is dealt with al
most as a leak in a water pipe and
can be located quite as exactly.
When once located, it is easily re-
paired. Cures Magazine.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
A DESPERATE MAN.
He Feared a One Eyed Woman N
Wanted a Cell.

He Feared a One Eyed Woman and
Wanted a Cell.
A man with a wild eye and a look OF
melancholy desperation on his face
walked into a police station a few days
ago and said to the sergeant in charge:
"Have you a nice, quiet cell that yon
could lock a man up in for a few hoursi"
"Plenty of them," said the sergeant.
"What's the trouble?"
"It's a case of desertion, divorce and
assault with intent to kill. Are you sure
you have a cell where a man could get
way back in a corner where a tall woman
in a red shawl couldn't reach him
through the bars with an umbrella?''
81 guess SO. Who is the cell for?''
tits for me. Put me in right away,
and if a woman with one eye, about s
feet 8, chewing a match, with a pair of
6 ounce wooden mitts on comes in
just tell her that you never saw me-"
81 can't lock you up without some
cause. Can't you explain?"
The man tiptoed to the window, and
after gazing %anxiously up and down the
street tiptoed back.
"Did you ever hear of Samuel It'd.
bald?''
"Never did,"
1.-Two months ago, sir, Samuel It'd
bald W as the possessor of a happy homo
in this town. The angel of peace had
alighted above the door of his humble
but happy household and never once
thought of coming off its perch. But,
alas, the trail of the serpent was soon
to destroy this Eden. His wife, whom
he adored with all the intensity Of a
strong, confiding man making So. so per
day, became infatuated with a reckless
character named Thomas Gilkey and
abando med her husband and home, sir,
to fly with this rash adventurer. She
went to Oklahoma and secured a divorce
and married Thomas Gilkey. Think of
the agony and sorrow of Samuel It'd
bald, left alone by his faithless wife,
with his household goods shattered
around him and his most deeply rooted
affections all busted up!"
ut was, though, and no mistake
said the sergeant, "and I sympathize
with you. What became of the coupler
''Two weeks after they were married
they qnarreled, and Thomas Gilkey ran
away from her. He 1ed to this city,
and hi wife pursued him. You can i'm.
agine what 1 have suffered, sir, if you
have ever been a husband. Lock me up
right away in the darkest cell you have
with spiders and mice in it, or there'll
be a case of manslaughter before night"
just then a woman's shrilI voice was
heard arguing with the policeman out
side the door, and the man made a break
for the window.
eff l were you, Mr.. Tidbald," called
the sergeant, 81 would''-
Tiabald, ~thunderl' said the mar AS
he dropped on the brick wall outside.
"My names Thomas Gilkey. Detroit
Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
She Had Courage,

He looked deep into her soulful eyes.
"Do you know" he said slowly and
impressively, ''that scientists have de-
cided that there is danger from poison
in roses?''
She looked fearlessly up into his face.
"I'll risk it," was all she said.
That was all that it was necessary
she should say. AS he pushed his
way through the circnmambient atmos-
phere he knew that it wasn't necessary
for hin to do a thing but keep on buy
ing rpses or give up the girl. Chicago
Post.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Newspaper Profits In London.

There was a trial before MI. Justice
Cave recently which, if correctly re-
ported, shows what is the profit of the
shareholders of The Times. Mr.. Adams
bought one-fourteenth of two-thirds of
one-ninth Of two-sixteenths Cor IL. 512)
of The Times from Mr.. Brodie for 1858
on the assurance that this minute share
was worth about e25 per annnm. Ac-
oording to him, after he had purchased
the share, he found it only to be worth
cit a year. On this he asked for dam
ages. The jury assessed the damages at
e65. Assuming this share to be worth
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Joke.

When T~hackeray paid his first visit
to Boston, it was known of him that he
was very fond OF oysters, and at a din
ner given in his honor the largest oys-
ter that the place provided-uuite an
abnormal oyster in point of size-was
placed before him. He said himself that
he turned pale when he saw it, such a
monster was it, but that he ate it in
silence. His host asked him how he felt
afterward. Profoundly thankfulr'
said Thackeray ~contentedly. II feel as
if 1 had swallowed a baby"
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Father and Son.

In 1869 a Rev. DR.. Crane wrote a
tract on popular amusements, in
which he said that novel reading
has become the vice of the age and
warned his readers and listeners
against sc evil a habit, so soul de.
stroying a recreation as novel read
ing. His SOL is Stephen Crane, who
has been making considerable repu.
tation as a writer of novels.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

An old darby who was asked if. in
his experience, prayer was ever answer.
ed, replied: "Well, sab, some pra'rs is
ansud an some isn't-'pends on wat
you axes TO-. Jest arter de wah, wen
it was mighty hard scratchin fo' de
cullud %breddern, l 'bsarved dat w'eneber
! pway de Lord to sen one o. Marse
Peyton's fat turkeys fo' de ole man,
dere was no motifs took OBJ de partition,
but wen l pway dat he would sen de ole
man TO- de turkey, de matter was tend
ed to b efo' sun up mex mornin, dead
sartin.'
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

Every nation has a Rip Van Wrinkle
OF its own, but the Welsh story Of Rip
is unique. He is known as Taffy ap
Sion. One morning Taffy heard a bird
singing on a tree close by his path. AL
Jared by the melody, he sat down until
che music ceased. When he arose, what
was his surprise at observing that the
tree under which he had taken seat had
now become dead and withered. In the
doorway Of his home, which, to his
amazementi had also suddenly grown
older, he asked of a strange old man for
his parents. whom he had left there, as
be said, a few minutes before. Upon
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Proof Positive.

Judge-Can you prove the murde,
vas premeditated?
Lawyer--Yes. your honor. Before she
committed the deed the prisoner stuck
her chewing gum on the underside Of
the table.
(Jary is out three minutes. Verdict,
"Guilty. ')-New York Journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Not What He Needed.

The doctor looked solemn.
"Do you walk to your office every
morning2" he asked.
mo indeed" answered the pa
tent.
Il thought not" returned the
doctor in his self satisfied, superior
way. What you need is more ex-
ercise."
more exercised" roared the pa
tient. "Great mackerel! Don't I
have to catch a crowded cable car
on the fly every mornings What do
you call exercise?"-Chicago Post.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
His Question.

Sur day School Teacher (who has told
one OF the new boys the beautiful story
of Da pid and hopes she has made an
impres sion)--I am glad to see you so
attent i've, Jamie. Do you understand it
now? Is there any question you would
like to ask me:'
New Boy-Yes'm. Dye reckon Go.
Hath could IA licked Jim Corbett?--Chi-
cage Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Caught.

A country merchant visited the city a
few days ago and purchased from a dol
lar store a table caster, which he took
home with him, and after putting a tag
IN it marked $14 made a present of it
to a Methodist preacher, whose church
his family attended. The reverend gen.
tleman took the package home, opened
it and examined the contents. The next
day he took the caster with the tag at
tached back to the grocery man and said
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Gloomy Outlook.

"Oh, I dent carel' airily remarked
the dramatic lady whose angel had
flown. There's just as good fish in the
sea, you knowr'
81 didn't go to school a whole lot, "
said the other actress, ''but it seems te
me that the sucker is a fresh water fish
exclusively. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Logic.

Thereupon Civilization argued with
Savagery.
"How," it warmly demanded, ''if
you absolutely no clothes in the
morning, can you wear less at evening
functions?"
Thus it is that memorable logic beats
down, n by one, the redoubts of su-
perstition. Detroit Journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

A great inward sob shook the stalwart
form Of the young lover as he bowed his
head in submission.
"You refuse me your hand? Then
give me at least''-
He gazed involuntarily in the dircc-
ton of the sideboard i'll the next room.
three fingers. New York Sun
day Journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Exhausted Resources.

"What are you bothering your father
about2'' asked the boys mother.
81 want him to tell M a story, and
he says he doesn't know any"
perhaps he will make up one as he
goes along"
II asked him to. But he said he had
been testifying before AN investigating
committee all day and it had used up
all his material. Washington Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
A Little Too Smart.

An Irishman's idea of what consti-
tutes q successful stratagem is some-
times most amusing.
"And how is your wife afther the
weddin and all?" inquired Mr.. Murphy
Of his friend Mr.. Doolan, whose daugh-
ter had been married two days before.
"She's well enough, exceptin that
she's grievin owe a pair of illigant new
kid gloves that got lost OH her that even
in. responded Mr.. Doolan. "She's feel
in bad about thin, but I've advertised
in the paper, and I'm thinkin she'll get
thin back again befoor long. They cost
Mrs. Doolan two dollars and forrty-fve
cintsv'
"Ain't you afraid whoiver got thin
will be slow to answer the advertise
ment?" inquired Mr.. Murphy.
'It's mesilf that knew how to fix
that" returned Mr.. Doolan. 81 adver-
tised thin illigant gloves as an ovid
cotton pair, burrstin away at the seams
and wurrth nobody's keepinP -
Youths COMPANION.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
A Reverse Joke.

A soldier passing through a meadow,
a large mastiff ran at him, and he stab
bed the dog with a bayonet. The master
of the dog asked him why he had not
rather struck the dog with the butt end
of his weapon. ''SoI should, y said the
soldier, ''if he had run at me with his
tail. "-''Mark Lemons Jest Book
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
CONSUM PTiON.
L Medical Expert on the Dangers of Con
taRion From the Disease.

tagion From the Disease.
Knowing that there are more
cases of pulmonary consumption at
Colorado Springs in proportion to
it's population than in any other city
Or town in the United States, and
perhaps in the world, / wrote some
time ago for information to DR.. S.
e. Solly of that city, well known as
q writer on consumption and china
tology, and whose experience in the
treatment of that disease has been
large and extends over a period of
many years. In reply l received the
following:
1.-THE dangers of contagion from
a consumptive r so easily control.
led that it is by no can necessary
to separate consumptives from
healthy persons. You ask me con-
corning my experience here. At
least a third of our population are
consumptives. The town, which con-
tains some Is, 600 people, has been
established 20 years. An inquiry
made by disinterested physicians in
to the number of cases of consump-
ton that were known to have origi-
mated in the town resulted in a re-
port of 20 in all. Although it is
probable that our brilliant sunshine
and dry air more quickly destroy
the vitality of the bacilli than your
eastern atmosphere, yet in the poor
er lodging houses of the town there
are many i'll ventilated rooms, in
side or on the north side of the
building, inhabited by consumptives
and their families, where reckless
ness of expectoration and careless
ness of ordinary cleanliness are
marked features of their domestic
menage, yet S of contagion do
not average more than one a year."
At Colorado Springs the consump-
tives mingle with the other resi-
dents of the city on all occasions
at church service, theater, concerts
and in the overheated and crowded
rooms of private residences during
social functions. They reside in the
same hotels, boarding houses and
private dwellings with those not af-
6icted with the disease, and nc at
tempt at isolation has been made.
Notwithstanding this apparent in
difference on the part of the local
authorities to the contagiousness of
the disease only 20 cases have origi-
mated in Colorado Springs in 20
years.
At Davos Platz, in Switzerland,
where I spent a winter afew years
ago, a very large number of con-
sumptives were staying. The hotels
were crowded, and of the l, 500
strangers in the village about 1, 900
were consumptives. At the hotel at
which l staid there were about 12O
guests, about so of whom were con
sumptives. At Davos, during the
winter, the invalid's day for outing
is limited to AZ hours. The remain
der of the "a hours is spent within
doors. No one stood in dread of con-
tracing the disease, and no cases
occurred in which it was conveyed
from person to person. No special
precautions were taken by the ply
sicians and local authorities to pre-
vent contagion other than good ven
tilation of the living and bedrooms.
AS in Colorado Springs, no ase of
the disease originated ct Davos.-
DR.. Clinton Wagner in New York
Medical Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
A Lapse of the Pen.

Mother" said Deacon Sawbuks,
"hev you noticed hat Sallie writes an
awful queer sort o. hand sence she went
up tew hat there boardin school?''
eyes, 1 hev, Silas. But she ginerally
fergits afore she finishes the letter. -
Chicago Journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Record Breaker.

"This is the most wonderful bank
failure on record"
"How so?"
"The directors state that they will
not be able to pay the depositors in full"
New York Sunday World.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

Sometimes, said Uncle Eben, ode
mar dat pays hundu'hds oh dollahs fob
flags an decorations aim ez much OBJ er
patriot ez de one dat goes quietly long
an pays lis taxes an serves on de jury
wifout kickin. "-Washington Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Who Told Him?

"The usual seats?'' asked the gentle
manly box office attendant.
"Er-no. Give me something cheap
er, in the pit"
Here you are. Glad your wife's got
safely home from her trip. detroit
Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Mr.. Gratebar to Phiiip.

1T is unquestionably true, Phil
ip, said MI. G~ratebar, ''that it is
better to be a live dog than a dead
lion, but that doesn't mean, Philip,
that you should be satisfied to re-
main a dog. New York Sun.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
His Courage.

Young Wife-I always thought you
were the bravest man in the world while
We were counting. You wouldn't go to
Canada in case of another war, would
you, dear?
"Not if the war was with Canada. 4"
Detroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

Wobbles--This joke about hades being
the scorcher's paradise is all wrong.
Wheeler-Why so?
Wobbles-There isn't a bit of asphalt
there-only good intentions. New
York Sunday Journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

to him, II anu too Door in this worlds
goods to afford to display so valuable a
caster on my table, and if you have no
objection I should like to return it and
take $14 worth of groceries in its stead"
The merchant could do nothing but ao-
Quiesce.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
And Papa Consented.

Father-What proof have you that he
is a real count?
Daughter-The only coat he has other
than the one he wears is his coat Of
arms Up to Date.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
First Recorded Land Sale.

The first real estate transaction
recorded was the purchase of the
field of Macphelah by Abraham, in
the cave'o of which he buried Sarah,
his wife. Abraham paid 400 shekels
of silver for the field.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Where tho MistIetoe Grows.

Mistletoe for centuries has been one
Of the most important factors in Yule-
tide decorations, its use dating back as
far as the days of the Druids. The hang
ing of the mistletoe on Christmas eve,
between II and IL o'clock, in many
homes is the beginning of the seasons
merrymaking. The bough is hung in a
place where there will be no obstacle to
passing under it, and the penalty for
being caught beneath its branches all
know.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
The Only Privileged One.

Son-The new hired man says he
wants every other day off to go fishing.
Can he have it?
Farmer-What does he think he is
ex-president of the United States?-New
York Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Waning Love.

"I'm afraid he does not love me any
more"
"Why, what change have you found?''
"None. He has quit bringing any
home withhim. '--Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Wins by a Neck.

A schoolteacher lately put the ques-
ton, "What is the highest form of ami
NAL life?"
"The giraffe" responded a bright
member of the class. -Tit-Bits.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
That Romantic Name,

"How did you happen to call this
place Auburndale, colonel?"
yellow that founded it was named
Dale"
"But I don't quite understand"
"Simple enough. Dale was redhead.
ed. Detroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Market Item.

Queer about onions.
whats q~ueer?"
"The young ones are as ablebodied as
the old ones. Detroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
Lay of the Boarding House Bard.

Who gives us hash each blessed day
And says we in ADVANCE must payP
Who grunts when asked for towels. "Nayi''
TIL landlady.
Who washes plates both night and mornf
Who meets with everybody's scorn?
Who wishes ne had ne'er been bornf
Her husband.
Who pounds the piano all day long?
Who sings for hours, with voice that's stronk,
That "Tell Them That You Saw Me- songp
Her daughter.
Who holds the boarding house in thrallP
Who's full CT Irish wit and gall2
Who won't stand "no back talk at alle
The cook.
Who at six per wears many a gown?
Who on the young men e'er looks DOWN.
Who hopes to wed her boss down town.
The typewriter boarder.
Wha gets the finest cuts of meat
And all the sweets he cares to eatf
Who pays a little more for heat?
The star boarder.
Who's scented, collared and mustachedt
Who always says some girl he's mashed
Who ought to be severely thrashed?
The dude boarder.
Who hates young girls and always tries
The parlor to m~onopolize?
Who opes at scapdal wide her eyesY
TIL old maid boarder.
Who wears a faded wrapper blue
And novels reads the whole day through
Who dyes her hair a taffy huef
The grass widow boarder.
Who, when his board IS nearly due,
Gets a~pprehensive, nervous, bluef
Who Is an ass to stay here-who?
Me-, the ballroom boarderi
New York Sunday Journal
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
A Cruel Cut.

Gladys Old Girl-It's so odd about
peoples fads. Now, my fiance's fad is
for collecting antiquities.
Rose Bud docking at her)-So 1
should judge. Up to Date.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17
What q HJohnnY" Is.

The jury in a certain case-probably
because they were Scotsmen-wanted to
know the meaning of the term "John-
ny" Lord McLaren's definition was "a
young man who owes more to his tailor
than to himself for his advancement"
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

Who gives us hash each blessed day
And says we in advance must pay?
Who grunts when asked for towels. "Nayi'
The landlady.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-07-17

Who pounds the piano all day long2
Who sings for hours, with voice that's stronk,
That "Tell Them That You Saw Me- song?
Her daughter.