The record-union., 1897-10-03
THIS FUNNY WORLD.

tIdill III lnc ClItlcS We lOuNh Ny OS@A
personal influence"
THIS FUNNY WORLD.
A Greek fruit dealer stopped a pc
destrian to whom he was known and
asked:
well, how my country to-day?"
"Gone up" replied the pedestrian.
mo hope for her"
The fruit dealer looked thoughtful
as he slowly polished an apple, and
then said with a sigh:
"Ah. Greece no good no more! l no
go there I stay in Merica and sell
vote and fruit! t!''-Atlanta Constitution.
"Shay, m (hic) frien'! said Lush
ington, after vainly fumbling with his
key for twenty minutes.
'Well,' returned the passer-by.
'Have you (hic) got such a thing as
a spare key (hic) hole about you?'-
Judge.
Mrs. Peck-If I had my life to go over
again 1 wouldn't marry the best man
alive.
4. L
You bet you wouldn't. l wouldn't ask
you o.-Philadelphia North American.
Tommy entered the parlor where his
sister Mamie was entertaining her best
young man.
Il would like to have your sister for
Christmas present, Tommy. Will you
give her to me?"
Can't said Tommy. when I
caught F'itz Dudeigh kissing her the
other night, she said: Now, Tommy,
don't give me away and I said l
wouldn't" - Demorest's Magazine.
"We'n have to carry on a still hunt
here" said Collingwood to Camper
down, as the two, with their guns in
hand, pushed through piece of woods
into an open field.
"Why?" asked Camperdown
Look at that" and Collingwood
pointed to a sign on which some one
had painted the warning: No hunting
aloud "-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Gertrude (eagerly)-Papa, did Mr..
Harper call on you to-day?
Mr.. Millyuns-Yes.
Gertrude-Well, what followed?
Mr. Millyuns = The ambulance
Cleveland Leader
Tourist lin a coal mine, after passing
around cigars)-Everything seems to
be wet ard damp. Where can 1 strike a
match?
Miner-Roight here. sir. Dinnis lift
IL.
"The bicycle has almost run the horse
out Of business, and now it has begun
on the cow"
"How's that?"
why, wasn't that rubber-tire beef
steak we had for breakfast ?''-Chicago
Record.
Cos Stick-I don't see you out riding
lately, old chap. You don't mean to
say you have got tired of your wheel?
Henry Peck-No. not at all; but you
see my wife has taken my tires for the
baby to cut his teeth on. = Boston
Transcript.
She-Don't you think there should be
music in every home?
He-By all means. What I object to
is music next door.-Tit-Bit
she-she had lovely hair; it fell to
the floor.
He-And didn't she miss it?-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Mrs. Flatte-This little bit won't last
an hour. Why don't you bring me a
larger piece these hot days?
The Iceman-What the use? 1t
would only melt.-New York Journal
Mother-Willie, where are those ap-
pies gone that We're in the cupboard?
Willie - Oh, they're with the ginger
bread that was in the pantry.-Up-to-
Date.
Don't you think every man ought to
have some poetry in his soul?"
Yes replied the weary editor:
that's the place for most poetry. -
Judge.
Wife-It does seem hard when wo-
man marries she has to take her hus-
bands name.
Husband-Well, she takes everything
else he's got, why leave that out?-
Judy.
Anxious Mother-I don't understand
how is it. BERTHE, that you are always
at the foot of your elass
Bertie-I don't understand it myself;
but I know it's dreadful easy.-Boston
Transcript.
Cora-What did you say when Dick
expressed a desire to kiss you?
Dora-I told him that / supposed he
was just mean enough to have his own
way.-NeW York Journal.