The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1897-12-19
FOR FEMININE READERS
THE ROLE OF NORTHUMBERLAND ONE
OF THE MOST DIFFICULT TO FILL.
An Occupation for Women Requiring
Special QuaIificatiOns-The Art of
Giving-Wkat Is Being Worn.

No other relation than marriage demands
such total suppression of self, and makes
such large claim on sound Judgment, and
surely none compares with it in requirement
of such justice as we only expect to find
complete in divinity, says writer in the
New York Post If it is but the wholly, the
blessedly natural desire of the married low
ers to live for each other, and to resent in
trusion into their new world, where they are
learning each others characters by the light
of affection and mutual experience, it is
sharp trial for a mother to find herself de
trop where she has been Indispensable. Let
il be no more than some petty whim OF
taste which causes the daughter to discard
a favorite dress of the mothers choosing,
because Ter husband does not think it be-
coming; let it be only the sharper cut of
seeing the son cheerfully abandoning some
hitherto immovable habit, with the uncon-
cerned ease of a mere nothing, it impinges
on the very citadel Of the mother-heart, and
wears it's furrow there. Mayhap it is the
cigarette, which he has been increasingly be-
sought to abandon for year after year UNI
availingly; to-day he says, as If it were the
merest trifle: "Oh, gave them up as soon
as I was married; my wife made quite
point of it." Magnanimous mother indeed is
she who can say without an inward twinge
of jealousy or influence, How glad am
Often the silent readiness of a mother-in-
law is rewarded by the confidential applica-
ton for advice from an observant son-in-
law which means more than many protesta-
lions Of affection. and what she then adj
vises is almost sure of both a respectful
hearing and a faithful following. The tie
thus made is generally enduring and mutu-
ally honored in every way. Indeed, l have
seen the wise and unselhsh mother-in-laW
entirely supplant the selfish, repining, irri-
tating natural mother who never ceased to
meet her son with upbraidings for his rare
visits and lack of interest in her and her
many imaginary ailments.
A long-married and happy wife once said
in my hearing that she had never had any
law relations" but that her husbands peo-
pie were wholly to her as her own. Yet the
mother-in-law in this case was a woman OF
masterful will and vigorous intellect who
ruled with no uncertain authority in her
own kingdom Her sons wives, however,
never remembered a word either OF direction
or correction to them or to their children:
When worry or anxiety evoked need or
advice, they naturally turned TO her WISDOM
and experience, and when they yearneu LOT
comfort there was no better place to fnd
1t than within the clasp of her strong, help
one bond between this extraordinary
extreme reticence concerning their affairs.
I doubt if she ever broke her golden rule
of silence; she never discussed the analrs
or failings of one child with the other or
goSsIped over them to her friends. They
were sacred personalities to her, ana WnaL
she saw and felt she kept in the deep or
her own heart" She was repaid with large
interest of trustful affection and admira-
ton, and the marriages of her sons drew
them towards her instead of weakening her
influence. She asked so little that they
could hardly give enough, and her daugh-
ters-in-law disarmed of any fears for their
own supremacy, voluntarily asked her to
guide them from deep experience.
The strange contrarity of human choice
makes deeply sore point over which ma
ternal love has to pass daily and hourly
when il sees son or daughter deliberately
choosing for life mate nature in which
flaws and incurable imperfections are plain
to all but the lovers eyes. Sad fOrebOd1ngS
possess the mothers heart as she ponders
over a selfish girl, loved for the beauty
which must soon go; or an earth-bound cold
woman who has charmed by a flippant wit
which argues a sometimes Shrewish tenn
per; or sees her daughter place her life in
the keeping of one in whom she can never
find help in time of need, or readily prom
Use herself to a man in whom self reigns
supreme.
Yet if the impelling force of attraction
becomes irresistible, and the decision is de-
dberate, nothing but sin ought to make OPP
position even reasonable. Only the heart
of a man or a woman knows its own neceS-
stiles; no one can determine of them that
which is the outgrowth of their natures.
When, with q reluctance which is pain
tco deep to have yet found a name,
mother has to welcome daughters and sons
so chosen, she can only hope 20 play her
hard role by making her law that love
which ''seeleth not her own, is not easily
provoked, thinketh no evil" but Suffereth
long and is kind" OF all "home thoughts"
there seems no ground for deeper or more
urgent consideration than these relations
call forth.