The Penn's Grove record., 1897-08-06
HUMOROUS.

ever try these cigars?" "Yes.
Found them guilty"
"My brother died last week; he was
blown up" "Ahl Wife or boiler?"
cone never knows what to expect
from o woman" tAlas, mol / ex-
pected a fortune when | married"
Critic-Where did you get the idea
for that picture /? Painter-Out of my
head. Critic-You must be glad that
it is out.
First Stranger-I say, that's my
umbrella you hayei Second Stranger
Il don't doubt it, sir don't doubt
it. 1 bought it at a pawnbroker's.
CIaude-Do you think your father
would offer me personal violence if /
were to ask him for You? Mabel-No;
but l think he will if you don't pretty
Don
"You don't bring the chickens out
prominently in your picture Of farm
life" said Rooster. "Uml No." re-
Piled the artist. s'I'ye just made them
lay figures"
81 pay my child to be good" de-
clared the first good father. 'That's
entirely wrong" replied the second
good father. "My child has to be
good for nothing"
'.Ah, my poor man." said the bene-
VIOLENT old lady, 81 suppose you are
often pinehed by want and hunger,
are you not?" "Yessum; and some
times by the cops"
Manager think the f~arce-comedy
will do now. Is there any other
change you can suggest? Assistant
1t occurred to me that we could put
the second act first.
daughter, what time did your
company leave last night?" "Wby,
papa, he started home at hail.
ssNever mind when he started; / want
to know when he left"
"My dear sir, your books r in
frightful disorder. Don't you have to
make up a deficit sometimes?" "Oh,
yes, sometimes. But, then, some
times there is a smplus!"
"Your son, l hear, is becoming an
excellent landscape pointer" "He
is. "Does he initiate nature well?'
"Imitate naturel He beats nature.
He can put colors into a landscape
that nature never dreamed OF"
Don't you think these stripes be-
come me?' asked the summer awning.
"eThey ought to be run crosswise,"
said the window, savagely. "You are
nothing but a daylight robber."
Scribbler (sarcasticaily)-You edi-
tors are so polite. You always regret
being unable to use q manuscript.
Editor-Yon would, too, if you had
wasted half an hour reading the stuff.
Kindly Old LadyAAnd you say,
poor man, that you have been well
brought up? Casey De Kidder Dat
no dream, ma'am. I've been brought
up fifty times in the last five years,
and got seven days each time.
Clara-They say he loves her SC
much he can even anticipate her
thoughts. Minnie - Yes, indeed.
When we were coming out this e
ing he said: eyes, dear, it is on
straight" before she had said a word.
Young Wife-Why, Harry, dear, ]
have discharged the cook, and am do
ing everything myself; we don't have
to pay her IS a week. l cannot see
how we can economic any more.
Husband-Perhaps we can get her
back.
Gentlemen, can you
tell me how l can get any mi to give
me a Job OF work? Weary Walker
You bet we KIM just dress yourself
like one Of us hoboes and you'll have
work offered you everywhere you go
that's right!
Warwick What has become OF
Dauber, the young artistewho became
famous a few years ago from his OK
quisite drawings of the perfect female
form. Lawson-Oh, he struck it rich.
He's holding a position drawing ads.
for a corset manufacturer.
81 find the American farmer so in
teresting'' Uttered the poetess. II
manage to extract a good deal of in,
terest out of him myself, was the an
swer Of the short, elderly, double
chinned gentleman, who, as it after.
ward developed, was in the mortgage
business.
"Bui," said the Cuban insurgent,
ssyou will not be able to see the pris-
oner. He is 'incommunicado.
s.Bahl' said the dauntless filibuster,
who had once been a New York book
agent; an manage to see him. I've
seer hundreds Of men who were sup
posed to be 'incommunicado.'
1t was not lost upon the savage po-
tentate that the captive. whose doom
he had inexorably pronounced, was
the picture Of despair. HBe sure to
hang him in a mellow, subdued light
said his majesty to the imperial execu-
tioner, and thus again manifested the
artistic instinct for which he was
famed, despite his lack Of early adj
vantages.