The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1897-06-27

Of reproach at me. My hands burnt
to tear off the dainty embroidered coat
! and Wadstcoat, to drape the breeches
and hose, to cast aside the saucy cock
| ed hat, to transform myself again into
| a woman instead of q mere vulgar
mime, and 1 had much difficulty to
constrain myself to obey the warning
cry of the call boy, being strongly urg-
ed to send for my manager and cry
| off from appearing.
Nothing Of my nervousness was Wis
| IDLE, however, as l stood in the wings
waiting to go on. So long a stage
training as mine does rot go for naught,
and the sound of the orchestra and
sight of the stage were to me as the
scent Of battle to the warhorse. My
professional business had always re-
tanned it's fascination for me- 1 loved
my calling, If at times 1 grew impa-
tient with it, as dearly as ever. The
| excitement of the moment, the applause
of an audience the sight of a crowded
house, were all as eXhilarating to me
as they had ever been. 1 had an en-
| thusiaSm for my part paltry and mean
as some might consider that art to be,
and that enthusiasm rarely failed me
when before the public
1t came to my aid now, as I looked
across the stage and saw how large a
house had gathered in my honor. I
was accustomed to play to the capacity
| Of the theater, but it seemed to me
that tonight the house was absolutely
! packed. 1 was glad Of this, for it rem
| dered me less likely to distinguish any
one individual. The greater the multi
tude, the more difficult it is to single
out any special countenanca.
| When my cue came l was ready for
| 1t. Nervousness, apprehension, that
new sense Of shame and embarrass-
| ment, had all vanished. l was no long
er the timid mistress shrinking at
| thought Of her lovers eye, but the in
| spired artist, whose own personality
had become merged in that of her
assumption. They who separate the
artist from the woman in their critical
judgments do we'll. There is nothing
of the private individual in the actress
who presents a roe consc entiously The
! demands of her impersonatiOn should
be her one consideration, else is she a
dishonest and inS.ncere disciple, a Judas
to her art.
The outburst that greeted my ap-
pearance was the incense 1 loved. My
first note quelled it as the tone of the
| master quiets the demonstrative well
come of his hound. 1 looked out over
the sea of faces, perceiving no one, but
gathering inspiration from all. L know
that somewhere in that vast audience
there sat a man for whose single Opin-
ion l would sacrifice all the renoWn OF
/ my past successes had gained me. Yet
he scarcely entered into my considera-
ton once I had become that gay and
WantOn Queen of Hearts. But the fact
that he was there was undoubtedly
present to my consciousness, little as
I needed it, for some reason impelled
me to make great and unusual effort.
and I did not need the stormy applause
Of the audience, or the encomiumS Of
those about me, when the curtain fell
upon the first act, to assure me that
that night had surpassed myself.
Between the first and second acts I
allowed no one in my dressing room be-
sides Jean and my maid, for my second
costume, the f1aring, brilliant, gorgeous
scarlet gown, with it's numerous ac-
cessories, required much time in ad-
justment, and I occupied the stage at
the rising of the curtain. After the
second act 1 had no change, and 1 was
in the habit of receiving such visitors
as I chose to welcome during the entr'-
acte. Allan was always there, and Ger
tain men to whom 1 accorded the privl-
lege would occasionally bring thither
friends Of theirs who desired to meet
me- It was not unusual for the little
room to receive so many visitors upon
these occasions that it quite took on
the aspect Of an audience chamber of
diminutive proportions.
Jean was holding tiny note between
her fingers as I returned to the room,
after complying with as many recalls
as I thought it necessary to acknowl-
edge. l guessed from whom it came
before I read the signature. ''Will you
see me a minute" it ran, "or do you
prefer not to do 500" 1 smiled amused
by the question. What curious freak
would that be which could make me
prefer, on any occasion, not to see
Richard Quintard?
[ hastily scrawled a reply and sent
it back by the usher, who still waited
after this act" I wrote Pray heaven
you are thinking better of mer
My second toilet completed, had an
other interval of dependency. It was
not because I had qualms as to the re-
atty of my beauty-it had never been
more in eVidence-but as to it's nature
L felt serious misgivings. The splendid
gaudy robe, with it's low decolletage
and cleaning Jewels, so strkingly ac-
centuated the merely carnal character
of my personal charms that 1 felt IL
even more unbecoming a modest ma
ture than the other had been; besides
which, l could not but reflect that the
ample draperies which in the mirrors
reflection fell full and long about me
were otherwise disposed in the mazes
Of the dance, and my heart sank as
considered how bold and brazen must
be the full effect.
dare say that I should not be be-
lieved were [ to state that until Rich
ard Quintard presented them to my
reflection these considerations had
never occurred to me. Yet such is the
fact. Now that 1 had discovered what
Importance others attached to them,
they filled me with dread significance
and remorse. I was neither wantor1
nor impure of heart, and 1 shrank from
the newly disclosed possibility that I
might so apper to the world at large.
Filled thus with troubled fancies. 7
stood while my tirewomen completed
their work, which, when it had to do
with the costume, was always accomp-
an1ed with running commentary of