The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1897-01-01
ALkALl lkE,s TRIP.
Hs Has an Experience That Makes Him
Feel Like IN Infant.

Ccci AlkC I'M lntshnIs
"Yep, I'm back,'' said Alkali Ike in
reply to the inquiry of the able editor Of
Tho Weekly Clarion, "an / am yere to
say that, no matter what man runs up
against, he never gets so full of expert
once that thar hain't nuthin now for
him to encounter.
"Durin my long an somewhat useful
career I've been mixed up i'll tho usual
run of Shootin scrapes an cattlo STAN
pedes IN bli&zards an claim jumpin's an
free for alls of every description. I've
narrerly escaped bein lynched so many
times that it's got nouotonous. I've
been knitted an drug around by the neck
an tarrcd al feathered an SO on, an once
gifts myself chased all over town by an
infuriated grass wilder lady with gun,
cwin to II trifiin misunderstanding. Look
i'll back over my trail, gifts to imaginin
that I'm a plenty we'll seasoned old
buck, but tho experiences III meetin up
with on my return trip from Arizony
makes me aware that previous to that
time I'm mere infant, a-dribblin my
bread an milk OH my bib.
In the first place, L hain't much
moro than got started for home till tho
train is held up by as scurvy ~ gang of
road agents rs ever had tho pleasure
OF meetln. L Was asleep ut the time, nn
instead OF craclin me on the skull with
gun to wake mo up one Ornery cuss
kicked me an broke my fasl; Of as mol
Ter cid 40 rod as you ever poured into
your head l was never moro disguised
i'll my life than / was with the way them
fe, 4,,I
around enough to have carried an elec-
ton instead of purseedin like gents an
takin their plumber an shootin sech OF
us rs resisted deccntly an i'll order Bust
ness is business, IN bur hanged il / don t
like to see ii done OH business principles.
''Waal, it was all over at last an tho
train started on its way amid the rejoic-
III of everybody except two persons.
One OF 'em was Il gent from the east
who didn't pear to be able to git used
to our free western ways an was so
skccrcd that he took TO drink an dono
nuthln all the rest of tho day but soak
an shudder The other was an English
tourist that the robbers had took an beat
an drug around by tho heels for fun or
jest bercuz he was IN Englishman. Uo
'iN'ti Stalt Al NOIN uOT Dalltu an eve
more frequent than common while they
We're amusin themselves, an when it
Was over he jest brushed himself off an
began ritin in his notebook.
Muffin Of Importance happened dur
Ill the rest of the day except that tho
bibulOus gent continnered to imbibe M
grow more wild eyed. an the English
man made an entry III his notebook now
IN then. The train was two or three
hours behind time, All tho engineer, in
ms endeavor to make up tho loss, ran
by tank whUr he ort to have stopped
for water. Water is of heap more i'm
portance to an engine than it is to q
man, an while the train was thunderin
along ut full speed the boiler exploded,
an the whole blamed business piled M
III one vast catastrophy, so to speak.
You never saw sech hoobly boob
ly i'll all your life. The cars was mixed
up scandalous, an folks heads an necks
an legs broke like punkins; the engine
man was bowed clear off the map; Il
batch of tramps ridin on the trucks I'M
der the cars was squanched fat. Every
body but the Englishman was hollcrin
all Kinds OF things but hoOraW, an the
mashed tranps was scrocchin shameful.
The gent that had been indulgn in lick
CT had been on the verge Of the horrors
for the last 80 miles, an this yore eli
max upset him complete. Bat instead
Of acein snakes, lie got the craze that he
was married an pulled pistol an blew
ms fool brains right out.
'Nachcral enough. this added TO the
excitement, but | observed that the
Engiishman was earn an serene through
it all an pursceded to take some more
notes. The fore part of tho wreck
caught fire, an we got to scuttlin around
like rats in trap lookin for place of
escape. An then we found that q hawk
nosed gent from Connecticut had got
the only ax i'll the car an cut hole an
posted himself outside with big club
all thar that Shylocl stood an made us
pay a quarter apiece to come out through
ms hole, which was as little n piece of
business as I ever seen. When | got ont,
found myself close to the Englishman,
still carm an unrufflcd
Mighty bad affair, pardncr,' says
l, the worst ever seem
'Hindced?' says he.
WAL, hain't it?' says sortor crab
bedly.
Hi don't know, Hi ham sure, says
he. Hi supposed such incidents were
common hoccurrences i'll Hamericun
railway travel.
1 reckon must have been iolted up
worse than thought in the wreck, for
right then | throwed up my hands an
tainted, full an complete When came
to, + Hot Thars Whoop Rawson comm
out of the Blue Light I've got little
business with him. So long. See you
later Tom p. Morgan in Tru...