The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1897-11-12
DOOLEY AND his BANK ACCOUNT


was bent over a little leather-coyered
book when Mr. Hennessy came in, and
he was muttering to himself; Swim
and six is thirteen, put down three an
carry wan; eight and foor is twelve.
plus wan Is thirteen; put down all Nv Il.
Wan hundred an thirty-three. My-yah,
It's har-rd wurruk r-runnin' IN
finances Nv q large business"
What ar-re We doin'?" said Mr.. Hem
messy.
1--WE opined a bank account" said
Mr. Dooley with pride. AN I'm goiR
TO closet It to-morrah."
II had twlnty dollars In savings
bank wanst" said Mr., Hennessy, AN
It bust up. TIL thief that r-run III bank
carrid It over 10 Europe with him and
spent It on wine, women and song, May
III wine plzen him, the women hate
him an tn songs break tn drums "
his ear. II We had wife We wuddent
put yeer money in bank. Ye wudden't
be let. TIL good woman keeps mine In
pocket that Spike Hennessy cudden't
lind his way 10. Annywan that robs
nell have TO steal her too-and he'll
have none III best w OF It."
"Ye'er spealtln' tn truth" said Mr.
Dooley. 1--WE always kept what little
change I've had, III not tell you where
Hlnnssy. trust ye, but we might walk
in ye'er sleep. Twas Father Kelly put
me up to talSin' II to TIL bank He says,
says he; TIL best thing that can hap
pen to man is 10 soak away tn roly-
holy. It makes him careful he says
an him an me wint down TO tn Tinth
Naytlonal Bank, where he has friend.
He took me up to la-ad-an wan that
didn't look amy too square at that
an says he: This is my frlnd, Mr. Doo-
ley he says, he's anxious to make
deposit In ye'er bank Very well, says
tn la-ad, with his nose in tn air. Write
ye'er name down in this here book he
says, What fr? suys !. I've been
been mighty suspicious " slgnln' me
name to anything since signed pc
tltion fr a rayform candydate f'r alder
man whin thought was askin' man
out w tn plnltinchry. We want TO
know yeer signature says he. For
why?' says Sign your name said
Father Kelly. It's all r-rlght.,' So 1
signed me name, an he give me this
here little book an wan OF thin check
books, an stint me acrost to where there
was bit w a boy behind tn bars.
Well says the kid, where's tn money?
TIL money ye'er goin' TO deposit, he
says. An what's II to YEP says 1 l
want It, says he. DO ye?' says /.
Well, II We think we can get 1t, come out
and thry, says /. II me eyes don't de-
cave me, It's wantin' peoples money
that's put We in that there cage says.
DO We want to make deposit?' says
he. Il, do says /. Thin give me tn
money he says. 'Dlvvle clint says
/. i don't like ye'er looks, can't
thrust We. ! wurruked hard FIR this
money playin' forty-flves, an I'll put 1t
In nowhere but an Iron safe ] says. BE
this time Father Kelly come up, an
says he: Foolish man, give him ye'er
money An give 1t to tn kid. Dye ye
believe me, Hinnissy he thrun 1t on one
side as though twas an OIL shirt. BE
careful says |, yen break It, Man
alive, don't ye know no more thin to
be handlin' good stuff like pig iron?'
But Father Kelly dragged me away.
II was half mind to jump off tn
ca-ar an go back and dhraw It out.
Thin l thought ia write TO me frind
Jawn Are. I've bought his paper FIR
years Off an on, whin It was Dimmy-
cratic. / wisht had now, This morn
in Dorsey, tn plumber, come In f'r a
little bill was OWN him. How much
is IL? says l. Five dollars, says he. ]
set down an wrote out u check tn way
Father Kelly showed me, an tossed 1t
to him. What's thls?' says he. "A
check says /, Fl. tin bucks on tn Tinth
Naytional Bank, where ! keep me capt.
tai Look here, says he, I don't want
no catchbasin an beerpump fr tn
Tlnth Naytional Bank, says he, I done
1t f'r we, an 1 want yeer money My
good SIR says l, that check is as good
as money, an even betther,' says. Be
hind it, says, Is not only me own cap.
ital, but tn intire capital, including
money lint on Alley L stock " tn Tinth
Naytlonal Bank / says. had tn
facts firm tn good man. More thin
that says ], TIL whole government ~
tn United states Is behind H. / says.
TIL ar-rmy an navy, an tn park polls
will fight f'r that check l says. Nc
Klnley was elected to make that check
good / says. I don't care snap f'r
wlpin' jlnts,' he says, 7 voted f'r Bryan,
an / want money, an, bedad, ! had to
give It to him.
"Wen, Sir, / tried that there check on
five dIff'rent men, and ne'er wan Nv
thin wud take 1t. TIL last wan was
OConnor, tn butcher. What is itT
says he. "A check, says I. so It is.
An a very purity wan, too. Where'd
We ret lt?' i made IT, says l. Did ye
So says he. Well, ye dhraw very well.
What ar-re we gOln' to do with it?' 1
want you to take It again that bill ye
stint me WHAT says he / told him
again. Faith says he, we must think
Pm crazy. can buy pitcher tin
times as big FIR three dollars he says.
We'll. sir, wud We believe 1t, They've had
IN story around that Martin Dooley's
gone daft, an Is up an down tn F-road
thryin to pass off piece Nv green pa
per as money. TIL loot was in to see
il was vilent Just before ye come. 1
haven't had clint Of money all day ex-
cent what little took In, an yester-
day was afatriy r6wllH In wealth
What viii / do about IT."
Get II out w tn bank" says Mr..
Hennessy, eagerly. "I'll go down an
give that kid talk, and do you sneak
tn roll"
well" says Mr. Dooley, I'm goin'
to see Father Kelly. hope he amt on
tn play"
Something TO Know.
II may be worth something to know
that the very best medicine for restor.