Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1897-04-22
KITCHEN, sKlNEM & sRATRM's

Mammoth Department Store. A veritabis
Mercantiie Hospital. No. 4.1l-l4 SKIS
Street, Corner Swindlers Avense.
To dispose of ri p d, deca. ed,
damaged, mutilated, o,h-eaten. shelf.
worn and out-of date slop.shop old
truck gathered from all the sewers Of
the world. We also sell some goods Ut
high prices TO cover our enormous ex-
penses. We shoe horses. run thresh.
ing machines, repair clocks, me, UNI
brellas, grind scissors, doctor furniture,
peddle pills, keeps livery stable, con.
duct funerals, dig wells, sell cemetery
lots, pull teeth, aud sell some goods.
We want To do all the business on
earth. We want to close up all the
local dealers. We want all local stores
to be vacant We want TO ruin trade
In all ocations-except ours. Owners
OF real estate ought to spend their last
dollar with US, for we are running their
property for business purposes on every
street all oyer this city, except Skin
street, where our vast onglomeration
OF brio q. brac is located. We sell 90
worth OF goods for &c; go for l9c; $50
worth for 29c, and larger lots still
higher. We sell spools of thread for
1c. This sale takes place at o'clock
in the morning. Only spools sold at
that price. The lady who gets it will
not be allowed to leave the store until
she buys some more stuff 80 that we can
get even. We sell wall paper at lc per
roll. The purchaser has to buy 10
yards of border with every roll Of paper
at ~ % per yard. Everything else in
proportion. We pay cash girls SOC a
month; best salesladies 90 a week and
heads of departments $3.50, but our
iron.clad rules and system OF fines
generally bring them out in debt at the
end of the week. The newspapers do
not dare to say word against US as We
pay them thousands of dollars every
month for advertising. This comes out
OF our customers. Thousands of ladies
visit our store every day brought here
by our lying advertisements. Some OF
them buy something. We make it q
point to bust up twice year. We
have opening sales, closing sales, en-
smalling sales, bankrupt sales, removal
sales, repairing sales. fire sales, water
sales, smoke sales, anniversary sales,
calamity sales, reduction sales, altera.
ton sales, birthday sales, holiday sales
and sales. When we put up a new screen
door we have an alteration sale. When
we build new coal box we have an
enlargement sale, when We empty the
garbage box we have q removal sale.
When one Of our clerks stubs his toe
We have a calamity sale until the toe
gets we'll. BY that time we have some
other fake sale studied up. 1t Is cold
day when we don't have sale of some
kind every day in the week, every
week in the month, every month in the
year. Anything that happens on the
globe we make the pretext for losing
money sale. We make the most money
generally on this latter kind OF q sale.
We are here to humbug mankind and
we do it. We pay enormous rents, i'm
mense advertising bills, and an army
of clerks, book-keepers, buyers, porters,
watchmen, swash bucklers, ropers-in,
cleaners, sweepers. etc., etc., the pay
for which comes out Of our customers.
So we can really afford to sell for less
than cost. We sell only for cash-bring
your pocket book with you. If you
want credit 90 to your local dealer.
Our own,pickpockets 60 through every
department every Is minutes. Outside
pickpockets must keep out. In case Of
fire we guarantee firs:-class panic and
thousands of people MANNED for life
some killed. We shall shortly add q
smallpox and cholera hospital and an.
other department for measles and
whooping cough. No extra charge fol-
exposure to these diseases. Ladies
should bring their smelling bottles and
q can of some kind Of disinfectant
This is the largest store in the world
All department stores are. We have
our plumber scattered over moro thar
SO acres OF flooring. This 10 just u
true as any other statement in thil
advertisement. The ladies-bless ZEN
ARE our game. II 1t wasn't for then
we wouldn't make the thing work at all
Men are not so easily caught, but thu
women fall into our trap by the thous
and. We get bigger prices out Of then
for our truck than any smaller deale
would dare to ask. Darling woman
it is you that makes the department
graft . possibility. To sum 1t Ill up
We are about the whole thing. Take