davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1897-02-27
One on the Agent.

From the Detroit Free Press.
About a month ago a farmer near Chica-
go decided to move up town, so he went to
the city and hunted up a real estate agent.
and offered to trade a big farm for city
lots. The agent was all business, and was
in for a trade at once.
Il want to shcw you," he said, "a block
Of the finest lots anywhere I'm Chicago.
They're centrally located and cheap as saw
dust. Get in my buggy and I'll take you
out to see them"
They drove out and looked at the lots and
the agent expatiated at great length on the
advantages of their localities and finally
said:
Now, when can I have a look at your
farm?'
"Tll show 1t to you presently" said tho
farmer; Its about ten miles back on the
road between here and town."
Evening star., 1897-02-27

did they hov a
bar thinr
"Oi hov rifferince To
an 1 title kchfI
treat"
"Dolan." replied Mr..
Rafferty,. h a n din <
back a piece of tobac-
co. from which he
had just whitfield a
pipe-full, you re-
moind me. more than
onythin' else, av a
goat"
"Nivver moind me
whuskers. They're
me own. Owe raised
EN- an tinded EN-,
an Ofll hov no more
threSpaSSin',"
Evening star., 1897-02-27
He knew the Road.
From the Yonkers Statesman. 500 =

From the Yonkers Statesman. - -a'z
Move forward. please" said the conduc-
tor in the crowded cable car. Not on your
life," replied the gentleman addressed, TAX
ing fresh grip on the strap. But there
are gentlemen on the platform who wish to
get in," continued the collector Of fares.
well, they can't have my place. This lady
is my wife, and I know this road from
start to finish. If anybody is going to sit
in her lap this trip I'm that person. I'm
oEto this roads curves" s.-s.
Evening star., 1897-02-27
A Soft Answer,
rom the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
At little uptown card party a night or
two ago whist was the game. All the play
ers were experts except one lady. She play
ed in decidedly erratic way, and finally,
with diamonds trumps, she trumped clubs
the first time round. A little later on she
herself led small club.
why, hold on said the other lady:
''you just now trumped my ace Of clubs!'
YES" said the club trumper, Il remem-
bered-wasn't I lucky?"
What can you say to a player like that?
Evening star., 1897-02-27
+ 3
An Unamiable Reelection.

An Un0mta bic Henect1On.
Alas, what havoc do they play, these folks
of good intent.
Whose doings may not find reproof. be-
cause they're kindly meantI
Except vice which leaves all obligations
wholly shirked.
Few things are more distressing than a
virtue overworked.
Far better than the patience which is
praised and praised again
Is the rare and gentle art Of disagreeing
now and then.
How often has a promising debate been
led astray
everything you say!
The energies which Nature gave In all
their generousesum
Were useless had she made no obstacles
More welcome is that person who performs
his little best
And offers an Irrelevant and disconcertins
jest
But he recks 1t no dishonesty to freely
Gull ard range
Through the thoughts of other people, ana.
give nothing in exchange:
His tacit mocSery brings all beneath its
tvrane SWAY:
This man who blandly answers '.yes'' to
everything you say.
All, woman, lovely woman; once again do
we descry
That sweet superiority 'twere useless to
deny.
Despit. the self-assertive boasts With
which we've been 50 free.
Again we yield the laurel-wreath: again
we bend the knee
What though we jibe at fashions which
you follow year by year;
Refuse your statesmanship and watch your
logic oft with fear,
This merit stands surprising let your.
faults be what they may;
You DO not blandly answer '.yes" to every
thing we say.
Coldly Busiacas-Lilke.
The stytctly ,commerciat spirit Of this
Evening star., 1897-02-27

AS Tor pay, all l
want is enough to
buy me vittles an a
place to bunk in
doors II it rains"
Il might get you a
job ten or twelve
miles up the road"
unused the boss.
Il amt got the
slightest objections
to travel. In fact, L
ruther like the idee
of gittin' a long
ways from home.
How many hours a
day will they let me
work?"
I'm afraid you
will houa 70 uorL
Evening star., 1897-02-27
Much More Important,

From Truth. ,
He-"Didn't you promise to love, honor
and obey me7' 1o 1siHe1s ssse
she-"Heaven only knows what prom
ised. was listening to hear what you
DrOmlSeQ: LIZ
Evening star., 1897-02-27
She Had Her Doubts.

From the Tammany Times. 80
1t was on an ocean steamer and the
weather was pretty rough.
Gould you keep secret?" he whispered.
II am not quite sure about my being able
to keep anything, any more" she replied
doubtfully.
Evening star., 1897-02-27
A SAD wAsuINGroN YOUTH.
A True Tale of the Dreadful Blow In
- fitcted by Sensible Girl.

A True Tale of the Dreadful Blow In
p" htcted by a Sensible Girl.
Again it is a Washington girl.
This time she comes to the front, as
usual. with flying colors. and the man in
the case Is. metaphorically speaking, laid
up for repairs.
Who she is the chronicler cannot desig-
hate by name, but she ought to have q
monument dedicated to her and be other
wise held in remembrance of all sensible
people.
One day last week as she passed by a
window where various chappie young gen.
tlemel congregate one of the gazers heaved
q sigh 50 much deeper than he was that 1t
seemed entirely out of place
'Oh, L say, Chollie, old boy chaffed a
chappie near him. lit isn't so bad that,
Il was not thinking of the young lady at
all, SIR responded Chollie, with inexpressi-
Ole dignity. If it is that to which you are
referringI' s'z
Mop laughed the other. II beg your
pardon. old man, thought you were more
than devoted to her. What has happened
to mar the beauty of your love. SO to
speak,"
Chollie, making a very evident effort to
repress his feelings. arose and fairly strobe
up and down the room.
Really. don't you know, old chap. l was
being imposed upoihi' he said in a burst Of
coHhuel0e, dfeer ne nad stfldden OH por-
ton of his ebullience. You know the
flowers and the candy and the books and
the theater tickets and all that of which
she was the beneficiary at my, hands?"
Il should say I did," assented the otner.
sympathetically. Il thought you'd go
broke if you kept II up much longer"
Chollie stopped striding and leant over
the back of aechair.
We'll, do you krow, after all that" he
said in tone of scorn and sorrow and tiis-
appointment and dozen other contempo-
raneous human emotions, ''she was talking
with mutual friend two days ago, and she
referred to me as that cigarette holder.
Now, don't you consider that a positive
outrage upon my finer sensibities?''
And, the syhnpathH7ing friend gasped and
looked out the window, but the girl was
out of sight. - !. Ill "7t,--.--
Indeed she WaS'' ---1' s--'-' - '''-=t
Evening star., 1897-02-27
Heard on the Out.ide,

From the Chicago Tribune.
isn't 1t disgraceful surprise to see per-
sons whom you would take to be reputable
citizens perjure themselves on the witness
stand to save the worthless life Of a mur-
derer?"
Perhaps. but think Of the depravity OF a
lawyer who hires them to do It,"
Yes, but there's no surprise in that"
Evening star., 1897-02-27
Rystrafght Tip.

From the petroi9irres rIfs.. ..
"Goin' skatfn' 'fone longr' asked little
Jimmie of his SISTERS beau, who was wait
7 don't skats. my, boy. whyr.
Il heard Jennie say If you wanted her
you'd better DE gsttin' your skates on,
cause they WAS others
Evening star., 1897-02-27
A Happy Thought.

From the New York Tribune. --
Assistant Editor-"There's nothing to fill
the seventh column, sir" ..i
Editor-''Tell the foreman to set a lot
of type at random, and we'll call 1t a Scotch
dialect story" .- ,s.s
Evening star., 1897-02-27
Giving the Facts.

From the Chicago Record.
'.Scribbs. have accepted position in an
insurance office"
Yes: they told me that you begged for it
and were glad to get it."
Evening star., 1897-02-27
Trials Of a Patriot.

Don't worry about the weather well
have on the 4th Of next March," said the
man who is nothing If not patriotic. Rain
hail. snow and thunder storms all at once
couldn't prevent 1t from being a grand oc-
casion: one that will live In the memories
of our children and in the annals of the
world"
He had evidently started in for an ora
ton, and was diverted from 1t by the fact
that in his enthusiasm he had waved his
fork on high and dropped a spot of gravy
on his forehead.
1.-The decorations will be very profuse,' ''
remarked the young lady who Is studying
art. but I can't say that they meet my
exact ideas of beauty in all cases"
But think Of the glorious notices. Don't
be satisfied with merely looking at the ex-
terror of things; read those grand old leg
ends that will be displayed on every thor
oughfare, and feel the thrill that animated
the heroes who adopted them"
There will be lot Of them out" said
the young man with straw-colored hair.
''And how fittingly they express the tenn
are in every instance. Take that of Mary
land: Increase and Multiply"
did you ever own a farm in Maryland ?''
ir Quired the man who always looks dis
&C uraged
''Well. my case may be an exception. but
I must say that motto doesn't fit my farm %
Then. there's the watchword Of the
state Of Maine. 'Dirigo-I direct unosten-
tatious and yet so strong and full of pur-
poseg
Yes" replied the retired politician, land
4 don't know anything more interesting
than to see Thomas B. Reed living I'D to
that motto when he grabs the gavel and
makes up his mind
Is And In allegortcal fancy I see Virginia
standing with uplifted hand and exciaim-
ting In tones that the world pauses to hear:
Sic Semper Tyrannis. y
{ THAT'S something never coulG under.
stand. remarked the law student.
saT-sWhat do, you meant"
How Virginia can put up with 81 cluch
from racs-track brtgands and policy play
Evening star., 1897-02-27
How He Felt.
From Life.

II say. Jones. do you never hunger for
the good old times you had at college?"
Il frequently thirst for them, Brown"
Evening star., 1897-02-27
X X
Mr.. DOlan and High Art.

fez ought ty hov Gem along wild me ty
the new art gallery" said Dolan. reflective
ly. "Ye missed treat"
Evening star., 1897-02-27

A Family Difficulty.

Il don't much keer what 1t is" he was
saying to the boss of the section hands on
the railway. Anything. slong'z it's work.
Evening star., 1897-02-27

"Oi didn't name thin. What Oi wor spak-
In av is the way yez go browsin' around
Nothin seems ty faze We, from scrap-iron
ty bric-a-brac."
Browse a bit yerself Rafferty,. Itll do
ye good. Any donkey kin hang over the
manger an wait ty be fed Shtill Oi wull
ADMIT IN all fairness. thot ii wor OWN TO
an unintinch nal Misrepresentation that Oi
made the thrip. Casey, the contractor,
had it in roundabout way thot there wor
some illigant shtudies in plashter ty be
found there. an. plashter bein' somewhat
in the loine me own profession Oi
thought ord go an hov the benefit av the
latest oidees."
"Ofd nivver let ony man take the chredit
av tachin' me ty mix MORTAR
"Oi had me doubts. But Oi found wbin
VI got there, 1t wor the statues thot they
called plashter by rayson av their bein'
made av plashter av Paris
Av coorse. was the discontented re-
Joinder: av coorse washington plashter
or Phillydelphy plashter or New York
plashter wouldn't do fur em. It's got " be
somethin' imported"
way gittin narrower an narrower, yell
fall down an it wan O. these days an cut
perself. Twor nothin fur the union ty
take offense at, Oi tell ye. They were only
statues"
olive heard av thin. Some av 'em are
tolsns an tousans av years old"
oh, you're the boy fur gittin' things up
soide down! It's me honest belafe thot. if
you had been workin' an the washin' ton
monumint when IT wor built ye'd hov sworn
We wor diggin we'll. There wor no chest
nuts in the gallery. OF nivver saw an ex-
hibition more up ty date! OF ashked wan
av the people there ty mark the names av
some specimens thot shtruck me fancy
Here's wan and he placed his finger un-
der the name 'Discobolus.' There couldn'
be onythin' more up ty date nor thott"
who's hep
Hes the champeen baseball pitcher av
the world. It's thot foine OF give ye me
word OF thought it wor a livin' picture av
Rusie!'
''Thot might be purity good" reluctantly
assented his auditor.
1T wor shtrickly modern in livery sinse
OF don't know whin Owe had so much in
wan thot puzzled me, though. Twor a
statue av a gintleman wild wings an is
feet, busly ingaged in flynn away wild two
serpents twishted around a shtick."
An ye couldn't make thot out?"
"Oi musht coufiss OF couldn't"
"Oh. Dolan. it's dull ye are! Tell me. did
We nivver hear av st. Pathrick an how he
druv the shnakes out av Oireland?"
''Oi behave ye're roight! An ty t'ink av
me not knowin' the answer immajit"'
condescension, "thot mebbe. whin OF git
the tonne, Orn walk around an look inty
the place. SOS ty come back an tell yez
about it,
Rafferty,. take notice av the. fact thot OF
rise superior ty yer sarcasm. an reshpond
only wild good advoice. II ye do go, be
sure ty ask 'em ty show ye this one." and.
taking the catalogue, he indicated the name
of the LAGOON. do it fur yer woife's sake
an yer famly's sake, an yer fr'fnds' sakes.
1t touches an the temperance question, an
il yell gaze at 1t fur foive minutes. take
me word fur it, yen hov a lesson agin the
delirium thrimbles thot'll lasht yez loife-
toime!'
Evening star., 1897-02-27

Son-'I simply can't get this lesson"
member that General Grants great suc-
'ceeses were largely due to the fact that hA
never knew when he was licked"
Son-"Tnen ne must have worn Z board
in the seat e hS trotisars. same ~ BiIly
Brown does s.er fsf!''-.5F
Evening star., 1897-02-27
A Natural Name.

From Punch.
Papa" inquired the editors only son.
what do you call your office?"
WELL" was the reply. "the world calls
an editorial ONCE the sanctum sanctorum."
Then suppose" and the small boy was
thoughtful for a moment, "that mammals
Office is a spankum spankorum, isn't it?'
Evening star., 1897-02-27


about ten hours on an average"
"Tel hours"
Yes. It's a good deal, but they're trying
to rush things.
day won't be time enough to give me a
chance to forgit my troubles. I'm a terri
BILE light sleeper. If 1 can't be KEEP busy
fourteen or sixteen hours at the lowest
Gale clation, I'll have to keep look else
where"
What was your previous occupation?'
I'm farmer. 1 own piece O. ground
up p.,!,on. yon:" o... o,,
Of trying to get work on the railroad?
Its the old sad story" he replied, wip-
ing his eye on the corner of a red banker
chief. I'm goin' away on account of do
mestic trouble. 1 told the OIL lady, day be-
fore yesterday that 1 reckoned it was time
we had few fiapjacks for dinner. What
dye Think she said? She up an top me
that eff l wanted fiapjacks there was the
griddle an there was the ingretints, an
could hep myself: she wasn't goin' to
cook any more, OWN to my havin found
fault with the last ones. 1 argfed with her.
an she got mad an riled me more'n 1
woodshed an got an old musket an tol'
her that life with a woman that wouldn't
mind her duty in a little thing like flap
jacks wasn't wuth livin' nohow. an 1
1eckoned I'd put my toe on the trigger an
stop the whole difficulty
What did she do then?'
"She grabbed the musket an stood 1t in
the corner. Her manner changed right off.
She laughed an toll me not to be a fool,
but to go ahead an git the chores done.
So went out an Strengthened everything
Up an come back into the house. expectin,
of course, the first thing did would be to
smell flapjacks.''
Were you disappointed?'
Completely. WAL she says. 'hev We fed
the pigs?'
Il told her 1 had.
AN MIXED the cows?'
"Yes,' says 1.
An washed off the buggy an cleaned
the horse an put a new hinge on the
chicken house? says she.
IL told her I'd done everything. Then,
after thinkin' a while, she remarked:
"'Wal. / guess that's all. Here's the
gun; only, fur goodness sake, go off long
ways from the house where it won't make
so much difference how We mess things
up.'"
Evening star., 1897-02-27

CoA0ay BuaaocaO-L1ke.
The stEsctiy commerciai spirit Of this
Evening star., 1897-02-27
A Pla,i.iblt lExpl.nation.

From Leslies Weekly.ra
Evening star., 1897-02-27
A ScientiAc Boon.

From Figaro.
Doctor-"Just place this thermometer
under your tongue Mrs. Henpeck, and keep
your lips closed tightly"
Mr.. Henpeck latter a few minutes of
speechless delight)-"What will you take
for that instrument, doctorr'
She-"And did your friend take the doc
tors advice?"
He-"Certainly."
And did he pay for itr'
"Well, I should rather say he did, He's
dead."-Yonkers Statesman.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-02-03
WRECKED X By ! CUBAl \
Onesof Weyler's Supply Trains
Dynamited Not Far From
cienfuegos.
Forty-five spaniards Killed
and Much Ammunition
Captured.
Rivera Crosses the Trocha and
Is Now in the Province
Of Havana.

KEY West, Feb. 2. On Friday one
of General Weyler's supply trains was
dynamited on the railroad north Of
Cienfuegos. Two bombs were exploded
under the engine and four under the
train, being fired by electricity as the
train was crossing q trestle. The en-
CINE was blown apart and all the cars
were splintered. They rolled over the
trestle into the ditch, the fall complet-
ing what the dynamite had left IN.
done. Out of the guard Of 100 soldiers
on the train, As were instantly killed
or terribly injured. The others sur
rendered as force Of 200 Cubans ap.
peared. The train was looted, the
insurgents securing small field piece
that General Weyler had ordered from
Havana. After securing all the provis-
ions and ammunition the cars were
burned. The prisoners avere released,
and the Cuban captain sent Weyler q
box of sweet bread with polite note.
The captain of this Cuban band was an
American named Burke, from Indiana.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-02-03
CONGRESSIONAL FORECAST.
Expected the Senate Will Dispose Of til.
Nicaragua Bill This Week.

Expected the Senate Will Dispose Of the
Nicaragua Bill This Week.
WASHINGTON, Feb. 2 The week in
the senate will open witt, further
discussion of the Nicaragua canal bill.
It is expected that this bill will be dis.
posed Of in some manner during the
week. If the Nicaragua bill does not
reach vote by the middle Of the week
there will be great pressure to get up
other measures. The bankruptcy bill
has the right OF way, but some sena-
tors hope to supplant it with the sub
jecr of the Hawaiian cable and others
with the Pacific railroad commission
bill. 1t appears most probable, how
ever, that the bankruptcy bill will be
given first place. -
, Senator Lodge expects to secure con-
sideration of the conference report on
the immigration bill during the week.
Senator Gibson will antagonize this re-
port, and the friends OF the bill count
upon the necessity Of spending consid-
cradle time on it. -
Appropriations In the House.
The time of the house this week
probably will be devoted almost en-
tirely to the consideration Of appro-
priations Of which the consular and
diplomatic, and the District of Columbia
are Oh the calendar. The fortitica-
'tions and sundry civil also will be
ready before the end of the week. The
District Of Columbus bill contains a
large number of items Of local impor-
lance to the District which will cause
considerable debate, but there is little
in the diplomatic bill to create conflict
1t is possible that the rules committee
may decide to give the house chance
to vote this week on the international
monetary conference bill which passed
the senate last Friday.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-02-03
KRUGER is DEFIANT.
Bold Answer to Secretary Chamberlain
Threats. -. >..F-

Bold Answer to Secretary Chamberlain
t Threats. - >+5F- H..
LONDON, Feb. "A dispatch from
Pretoria to The Telegraph says that
after the interview between J. B. Rob.
inson, the millionaire mine owner, and
President Kruger of the Transvaal re-
public, the correspondent of The Tele-
graph handed the president a copy of
the cabled report of the speech of
Right Hon. Joseph Chamberlain, colo
NAL secretary, i'll parliament last Fri
day night, when the discussion of the
question of the appointment of com.
mission to inquire into the trouble in
South Africa was renewed. After
reading Mr. Chamberlain speech
carefully, President Kruger rose and,
with a show of great indignation, Civ
ing his hearers the impression of lion
at bay, exclaimed: LET them come if
they want to take my country" +:
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-02-03
INSURGENTS ACTIVE.

Asserted That General Rivera Has
f-< Reached Havana Prov. nee.
HAVANA, Feb 2.-Reports from the
province of Pinar del Rio announce
that Mayra Rodriguez and 1900 men
succeeded i'll c<ossing the trocha and
joining the rebels IN Pinar del Rio.
General Ruis Rivera, it is asserted, also
succeeded in passing the trocha into
Havana and it is now claimed he is in
charge of the rebel forces in this prov
ince. It is now expected that an ag-
gressive campaign will be carried on in
the province of Havana by Rivera.
Two nights ago a large fire was OBJ
served to the east of Havana. So
bright was the blaze that it attracted
general attention. The next day it
was discovered that Arangueren had
made another daring raid in the vicin-
ity of Havana, burning and looting the
town Of Barrera- ~
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-02-03
BUYING BREWERlES.

English Syndicate Has an Option on Six
. '... teen at Cincinnati.
CINCINNATI, Feb. 1.-The Enquirer
says three representatives of gigantic
London syndicate are in the city for
purpose of gobbling up the biggest
breweries here. They have purchased
an option on Ii, and the deal has pro-
crossed so far that most of the brewers
have begun taking stock and summing
up all the saloon chattel mortgages
they hold for the purpose Of knowing
how they stand. The amount to be
paid for the lot aggregates $4,000, 900.
One half will be paid in cash and the
other half i'll preferreds stock, with
guaranteed interest, so that the pres.
ent owners will have some voice in the
future administration of affairs.
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-02-03
THE ALASKAN TREATY.

Secretary Olney and Sir Julian Paunce-
fote Atfix Signatures.
WASHINGTON, Feb. 2. Secretary OIL
ney and Sir Julian Pauncefote at Ii
o'clock signed the convention for the
definition BY commission Of SO much Of
the boundary. line between Alaska and
the British possessions as is marked by
the l41st meridian. #
The treaty provides commission Of
four members. The names are not
given in the. treaty but will be agreed
on hereafter. The commission will
meet under the terms Of the treaty in
London or Washing ton. l'a s5.