New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-01-06

Tnfe Witty.
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Golfers Weekly Gentleman Well,
my young man, been fishing, have you?
Caught anything.
Truant from school No, sir; ] haven't
been home yet.
Up-to.Date: Lawyer Witness, be-
lieve you are the biggest liar in the
country.
Judge--sir, you forget that | am here.
Philadelphia North American 6 You're
not the only pebble on the beach, said
the cracker to the bivalve, jocularly.
sNo,' replied the bivalve, .sbut am
the only oyster in the stew
Cincinnati Enquirer: With tears in
his deep brown eyes he pleaded earnest
~ tor a little more time. But the fin
ty-hearted landlord remained unmoved.
Consequently, the tenant did not remain
in that condition.
Golfers Weekly: First Artist Con-
graduate me, old man. I've just sold
my masterpiece to Banker Parvenue for
five thousand dollars!
Second Artist-Glad to hear 1.-THE
miserable old skinfint deserves to be
swindled.
Detroit Tribune: When they told her
that the young man whose suit she had
rejected the previous evening had hanged
himself to the gate-post directly he left
her, the beautiful girl shrugged her
shoulders. "It isn't my fault" she said
coldly. 81 specifically told him he
mustn't think of hanging around here
any more" =.
NV York Press A man never looks
so interested in the sermon as he does
the minute after he has snored in church
and scared himself awake.
Indianapolis Journal: ''Your life has
been one of many reverses," said the
kind lady. "Yes'm," answered Dismal
Dawson. "About every place I turn up
1 git turned town.
Minneapolis Times "Pat," said Tom
my to the gardener, "what is nothing?"
"There amt any such thing as nothin',"
replied Pat, ''beca'se whin ye find nothin'
and come to look at it, there amt moth
in there" ].
Indianapolis Journal: .'She is a
daughter of the revolution I am told.
"Sistel. I believe" was the reply.
Life: 81 am sorry to hear that you
have lost your wife, Cicero"
eyes, pahson, but de Lawd knows
wot's bes' foh u.s.
Philadelphia Record: A Gloucester
fisherman reports that he dropped his
pipe overheard and it lit on the. water.
New York journal: Haskins What.
person spoken of in the Bible lied the
hardest?
Mason-Give it up. Who?.
Haskins--Lot's wife, of course. She
was turned into pill ar of salt, wasn't
she? ~
Boston Transcript: Bambury-I hear
that Simpson is dead. Did he leave his
wife much! Vs.
Mispah - suppose so. He always
lie it her as much as he could while he
was alive.
Roxbury Gazette: Duzbey-l under
stand that Mrs. Buzbuz has begun di-
vorce proceedings. Doobey-On what
grounds Duzbey-South Dakota.
Philadelphia Record: Old Goldrox-
What! You marry my daughter2 Never!
Go, sir. There IS the door,
suitor (facetiously) All, yes. That
lets me out.
Duluth Herald: Several years ago
President Cleveland presented to the
pope a copy of the constitution Of the
United States. He should secure anoth-
er copy and give tito Secretary olney,
with request to carefully read the lin
itations upon the powers Of the executive.
'.Do you mean to call me to testify to
that mans reputation for truth and YER
acity2" asked the small, timid- Hooking
witness.
Certainly, /" replied the lawyer.
.'Well,vI wish you wouldn't. =
''Why?''
well, you see, he is lifelong friend
Of mine, and wouldn't for the world
do anything that would hurt his feelings