The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1897-04-09

A small instrument was brought,
and an electric wire was placed under
the foot of the table, another being
placed at my ear.
at is desiccated you mean," the
doctor said, after listening second to
the instrument.
"Yes, that's it?" l said, ca gerly.
"Well, young man, the truth is that
you have been 'dcsiccated'- you say
IN your imperfect language. We say
-elc, trifcd. Disguised with life, and
sick of political humbug, you, toward
the end Of 1891, decided to commit
suicide-.'
"Sir!" | cried, angrily, "do you mean
to tell me to my face that am dead!'
"Then," the doctor went Oh, coolly
ignoring my outburst, 1.-The great found
er of our magnificent science, splen-
did scholar of that time, Theophile
Smith, saved J ou by electrifying you.
Forty years later, when he gave to the
| world the result of his marvellous dis
coveries, Smith left by will, to all his
disciples, your body, with his own.
We restored our glorious American
scholar, Theophile Smith, to life again,
century and half ago. Let me III
troduce him to YOU" Saying this, the
doctor began to call for an assistant:
''John."
Don't" l begged; ''for Gods sake,
don't bring him here. He may be ex-
perimenting on me again. | don't
want to be progressed any more. It's
too much for an unambitious man like
myself" J"
"Fear nothing. He is learned en-
thusiast, but not violent. But to re-
sumo His followers made good
thing out Of it. We experimental on
land speculator who had bought
marshes at low price, hoping to sell
at profit some day. But the good
man was too impatient to wait for the
developments of science; he was killed
by an electric shock, and, when he
awoke, thirty years later, he was a
billionaire. That case gave the new
invention boom. All the successful
bankers, all those who speculate on the
rise and fall of stock, come to us as
they used to 90 to Providence. At
present we have on our books three mil
lion clients who are sleeping the sleep
of the i electric death, which is
scientific and temporary. They will
awake at the appointed day, with a
large fortune. This new branch of
medical science has been enriched by
marvellous discoveries. The city of
New York is the great scientific cen
tire. | mean, of course, as applied to
business"
''Scientitic business!" | cried.
Eyes. of course; businesss by elec-
tricity."
| rubbed my eyes and stared at the
speaker.
You appear astonished, sir. But
1nf hOn hot
To make people rich does not suffice.
We not only make them wealthy, but
we give them the good sense to spend
their money properly; that is to say,
we fabricate common-sense, and sell it
at retail"
"Oh! you do? And how do you do
that? By electricity, too?'
"Yes. It's quite simple. a special
electric machine gathers the germs OF
all ideas of common-sense that float in
| the air. This is remarkable inven-
ton of the year 1898. We arrange by
our machine, and incorporate, the con.
| centrated extract of the works of all
| the men of ancient times. This work
is done by the means of the omniphone;
rather curious machine you will no
doubt consider it, The rudimental
matter thus prepared is put in contact
with the sympathetic nerve of ou1
clients. The only thing that remains
to do then is to set the electric battery
going, after having pressed the posi-
tive pole against the organ of ofmemory
The cells of the nervous tissue receive
the corpuscles of good sense, which are
naturally distributed by circulation
throughout the human body. Thanks
to this beautiful invention, folly, idiocy
political trickery, and confounded non
sense have disappeared from our glor
ious American republic. AS for great
men, we do without them, each one be
ing as great as he plcases under his
own roof, without being in need of in
viting lions to roar in his drawing
room
J / glanced about the room, and the1
looked out of the windows; for the first
time | saw that the streets were GOV
cred with glass roofs, all scientifically
lighted and ventilated. The passers
by did not need hats, and did not veal
them; and in the throng | did not see
one bald head. My face must have ex
pressed my surprise, for my doctor sale
to Inc rather abruptly:
But | cannot allow you to fatigue
yourself by admiring too much at once
! You must first gather strength"
Here he turned to an assistant:
"John, bring the Soupographer No