Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1897-09-04
hUMOR QE THE DAY.

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HUMoR OF THE DAY.
Suspicious. -Isaac-''Haf a cigar,
Cohen?" Cohsn-"What's the mad
der NIT it?"-Truth.
"What would you advise me to do
to become worth my weight in gold?'
"Well, you might try anti-fat. -
Truth.
Minnie-"Sadie has another new
admirer.' Mamie-"New ones are
the only admirers she has. Indian
apolis Journal.
Orator-"What has become of the
famed American statesmanship?"
Auditor-'Lost in the push for Office. "
Philadelphia North American.
"My little sister il the best baby
you ever saw. She sleeps twenty-four
hours every day "Huh! our'n sleeps
twenty-six cleveland Plain Dealer.
"The good die young" said the
casual caller, apropos of any old thing.
'They may if they are chickens" said
the editor, "but if they are jokes they
do not. Truth.
"What do you regard as the most
important event of the century?' asked
the philosopher. "Well," answered
the wheelman, "the finish is about as
satisfactory as any part of the run.'-
Truth.
"Well, little girl, what is it?" eff
you please. sir, Mr.. Simmer will not
be able to come down this morning.
He's just got back from n two weeks
rest in the country, and he's all tired
out. cleveland Plain Dealer.
She-"You are just like all the men;
you would not admit that you ever
made mistake, to save your life. {"
He-"As if I hadn't told you time and
time again that the mistake of my life
was in marrying you. "-CiMcinnati
Enquirer.
northumberland of our English
girls are quite expert with the gun,
don't you know. Lady Eva Wynd-
ham Linn shot six man eating tigers
in India American Girl-"If they
B WcIo CuuAuS AACc ACA ShC oAu JuoV
right. New York Weekly.
Miss Della Creme (wearily)-"T
know everything we eat is adulterated;
but what can we do, Reginald? We
must trust our grocer. Mr.. Reginald
Creme (drearily)-"Ah, yes, Della,
very true; and if-oh-if our grocer
would only trust us!"-Tit-Bits.
81 thought you advertised home
fare" said the boarder Indignantly.
"Wall," replied Farmer Corntossel,
"that's what you're gettin'; canned
peaches, canned tomattusses, canned
cornbeef, and condensed milk, the
same as you're used o."-Washington
Star.
ooh, do look at that dear little
lamb!" said Frances, OH seeing a
young lamb for the first time in her
life. "Isn't it pretty?" asked mamma.
eyes; and it is so natural, too. It
squeaks just like toy lamb, and has
the same sort OF wool on its back. -
Judge.
Hasbeen (laying down his paper)-
"I have just been reading that alcohol
will remove grass stains from the most
delicate fabric" Mrs. Hasbeen (se-
verely)-"There you go again, Jason,
trying to find some excusel Just re-
member that you have no grass stains
in your stomach. Puck.
"It won't be long" said the man
who loves to talk science at the table,
"before all our engines and that sort
of thing will be run by the heat of the
SUM-" "But," asked his wife, iii
they go to using up the heat of the sun
that way, won't it make the weather
too cold to grow crops?"-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Mrs. Weed-'Are you one of those
men who regard all widows as danger
ous?" Mr.. Green (edging away
"No, I don't think they're all danger
Gus. Some of them don't become
widows until they have passed the
danger.point." Mrs. Weed latter he
has left ct wonder if he meant that
as compliment. cleveland Leader.
The Farmer--"Yes; I know the spot.
It's about five mile up the road, an
they call it The Lovers Leap
Boarder-"And there's an old tradi'
tion about an Indian girl who sprang
from it9" The Farmer-"Yes'm; it's
a pretty old tradition. reckon il
must a. been started when folks round
here first began to take boarders. -
Puck.
She-"Harry, you said something
last evening that made me feel so bad. u
He-"What was it, dearest?" She
"You said I was was one of the sweet
est girls in all the world" He-"Ant
aren't you, darling?" She-"You sale
'one of the sweetest Oh, Harry, tt
think should live to know that I have
to share your love with another.
Boston Transcript.