Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-05-15
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Shc-"What do you think of the way
speak German" He-"Oh. 1t beats
the putch."-Yonkers Statesman.
Cynic-l cant see why u man who IL
happy when single should ever mar.
ry. Friend-lIe never does.-Puck.
Has DR.. Nanscn any social stand.
ingF Dear me. yes. He moves in
the highest circlcs."--Ncw York Sun.
He-You girls seem to be awfully
fond of sweets. Shc-And you men
seem TO be awfully fond of sours.-Cor.
nell Widow.
Stern father-I hear you were out
gambling last night. L. 1t true? Gay
youth-No. ~; was ahcad.--New
York Journal.
Bcggar-ricasc. sir. I'm so exhausted
cant get my breath and Gentle.
man-iicrc's five cents; so and buy
one.-iIarlem life.
MIR. New lIub-What does 1t mean
when bride promises to obey? Mrs.
New Hub-Simply that she prefers not
to make u sccne.-Puck.
r,- . r'N--r.'- .wis- ~ir Youuo
49,. .S-.-- ,-.Lf y.eA.s>---
hush"l.,oa-. might nave EnY"n 1t: it's
my wife's theory that two can live as
cheaply as onc.-Tid.Bits.
freddie Is Jealous Of his preroga.
tives. isn't hep "What makes you
say so;" "lle got angry the other night
and told me not to be a fool."--New
York Sun.
DO you think skinner can make
living out thereg" make livingl
Why. he'd make a living on rock In
the middle OF the ocean-if there was
another man on the rock.
ventor, I believe? Mrs. Spotter-Yes.
Some Of his excuses for coming home
late ut night are In use all over the
country.-Ph North Ameri.
Gun.
Wont you take this seat?" said the
gentleman In the car. rising and lifting
his hat. NO. thank you" said the girl
with the skates on her arm: i've been
skating. and I'm tired sitting down.
Yonkers Statesman.
III didn't love my husband, I'd stnt
him to death" exclaimed the warm
blooted lady from New Orleans. IL
wouldn't" said the Chicago woman;
I'D get divorce and stick him fol
alimony. Topics.
"And how did he dle:" asked the lady
who had come West to inquire afteI
the husband she had lost. "Er-by re
quest. ma'am." said the gentle cow
boy. as mildly and rcgretfully Us posi-
ble.-IndianapOlis Journal.
"Who Is that young woman near the
other end Of the table talking about
correct taste In art:' (Which young
woman? There are several" THE ont
with the wooden toothpick In hcl
plouth.".-Chicago Tribune.
"Do you see anything coming oul
way!" asked the morning star Of {
companion. Not yet" was the reply
but I see servant below there wht
IL about to light her kitchen fire will
kerosene. "-Yonkers Statesman.
ITS perfectly absurd, this clamo
about our hats. People who can't rel
over them would better not go to tn
theater." II know; that's what toll
my husband, and he said. All right, w
won't GO: ana we dOn't."-Bazar.
simonsby-l have a chance to MARI,
two girls; one IL pretty. but mere bu,
tertiy, as II were, and the other, thoug
plain, Is an excellent hOusekeepel
Mr.. Russell Of ChicagO-Take the pref
~ one first. Journal.
How long have you been on thi
rOute! asked the drummer Of tn
conductor on primitive SOuther
railroad. ''ren yeahs. subj" Indeed
You must have gotten on several mile
south Of where I dld."-DetrOit Ere
Press.
He-"Now that our engagement
ended, ! suppose we should retur
each others letters!" She-"I suppOs
NO. And, George, while we are abOt
IL, why not return each Others kisses I
Engagement renewed on the spot
Boston Transcript.
young student lately presente
himself for examination ana ignOmiI
iously failed. To his family, anxiou
10 hear OF his success, he telegraphe
thus: Examination splendid: profe'
kprS eutIlUSustIC. uty Nish ~ oc'
Ond In October
He-"Do you remember when first "
met? The dew was ON the grass, III
air was full Of summer scents, and
She-"Yes; and now there's no summe
no dew, no grass and no sense. BY ii
way, have you heard OF my engag
mentY-Detroit Free Press.
Ethel-"Oh, dear me! don't kno
what TO think! Algy asked me Ia,
night II | wouldn't like to have SOM
thing around the house that cOul
love and that would love me-" Edith,
"Well:" Ethel-"Well. ! don't knO'
whether he means himself or whetht
he Is thinking Of buying me dOg"-
Puck.
Mrs. Yeast-"I wish could think
something 10 keep my husband at hon
AT nights" Mrs. PuncheOn-"Get hi
a bicycle" Mrs. Yeast-"That wOul
take him out more than ever" Mr.
Puncheon-"Oh, no, II wouldn't! NJ
husband got one the day before yeste
day and the doctor says he won't be OF
for q mOnth."-Household Words.