Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-09-11
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'Dii you ever see so ugly face rs
Miss rassgy'sw Il don't know. She's
not 50 bad as she's aii,tcd."-Pick. Me-
Up.
Mamma, IL am good will I so to
heaven Mammal Yes. dear"
How'll get Cincinnati Com.
mcrcial-Tribune.
Waiter. II Is almost half an hour
since l ordered that turtle SOUP"
Waiter: sorry. sir. but you know how
slow turtles are. "--Tid.B Bits.
Grccble: is that your baby?' Craw.
don: NO sir: the possession Is on the
other side. lie Is not my baby: I'm his
father."-Boston Transcript.
why did you manufacture this bad
money" the magistrate said sternly.
''Cos couldn't turn out no better" re-
piled the counterfeiter.- -T'it-B Bits.
''She was born with silver spoon In
her mouth. and I suppose she's got to
he pretty" isn't there a limit? What
II IL was a tablespoon detroit Jour.
nal.
Bacon: what do you suppose Is the
meaning OF this long raiuY' Egbcrt:
"Oh. l think possibly II Is out OF com.
pliment to Queen Victoria. "--Yonkers
Statesman.
MY darling. always feel like tax.
ing or my shoes when ] enter your sa-
cred presence" "well. I would rather
YOU did It now than after we are mar.
ried."-1ifc.
Fuddy: II never ride a tandem wheel
unless l can have the rear saddle"
buddy: That's funny" Not at all.
I don't care to have anybody talking
behind my back. boston Transcript.
Doctor" asked the seeker after
knowledge OF the clergyman. "why do
people get on their knees to pray In.
stead Of standing?'' They want to
save their solos," replied the clever
ninister.-IIarlem Life.
''Oh. mamma" the beautiful girl OK.
claimed. he ndores mo so. and he Is SO
noble and handsome and" "Yes,
my child" "And he brings such lovely
references from his last wife. "-Dctroit
Journal.
The butler: "TIand hcvcry night at
the hour OF midnight the ghost hap.
pears ana groans and wrings its
hands, American tourist: "Ah! Must
have died in the cucumber season.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
They may say what they like
against him." said the convicted ones
defender. but his heart Is In the right
place" YES" nssented the other,
''and so IL the rest OF him. for few
years."-lndianapol!s News.
Mrs. Tcnspot: Isn't It odd that the
encores are always much more enjoyn.
bic than the regular plumbers VI the
programme" Mr.. TenspOt: "Yes, II
IL. wonder why they don't sing the
cncores first."-Judge.
There" said the man Of schemes. lis
limit to the liberation of the public
'And you found it?' "Yup. l met a
total frost when I started out with q
lecture on How l Intend to Find the
North Pole "--Indianapolis Journal.
Reporter: "IIow many years have
you been In public lIfc?" Statcsman
'rwcnty.four." Reporter: "I3ut your
blograplier says twenty.eight." States
man: lie includes four years when
was vice prcsident."--New York Jour
nal.
"Oh. say, Proudly, ! was very sorry
TO hear that you had lost all your
money" Lost all my money" snorted
Proudly. and he produced a roll that
filed his list. Let ne take twenty I'LL
tomorrow, old man."--Detrolt Free
Press.
when grow up. NON, ! want YOU
to make u minister out OF me-" why
Johnny. am glad that such Is your
desire. ! will speak to your father
about It," "Yes'h; ! want to go to Eu
rope every summer" -Cleveland PlaiI
Dealer.
what did that man do to make him
self SO famOus?" asked tho altrurian
gazing curiOusly on an individual whit
formed the center OF social group
TO the best OF my knowledge" replied
the cynic. he did the public."-Wash
ingtOn Times.
The dentist: would you like you
teeth made with patent adhesive
springs! They hold each set perfect!
true" The humOrist: II don't know
1t doesn't seem quite right to mix VI
the true with the false In that man
"-Washington Star.
lie: Il wonder why that young maj
aud young woman occupy two seats
should think they could easily GROVE
into one and give some Of the othe
passengers a chance to sit down." She
"Oh, ] suppose they've been marrie
for II year or two.'-Cleveland Leader
Wife (wearily): "Ah, me. the days @
chIyalry are past" Husband: What
the matter nowT" Wife: "Sir Waite
Raleigh laid his cloak on the ground fo
Queen Elizabeth TO walk over. bur yo
got angry simply because poor dea
mother sat down on your hat."-Tit
Fits.
Ant Pie.
Saynpes we know, indulge In sue