The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1897-07-20

Nearly Causes Several Tragedies--A
Divorce Suit May Be The Outcome.
B.-"HelloI Mr.. Editor"
R-"HeIIoI Msjor. Tell me the
very latest"
B.-''They amt nc latest Wurth men
tionin'. Icum purity nigh not bein'
here ter tell you the latest nor the
earliest. 1 haint never had SIGH a time
az I've gone through durin' ov the past
week, an I blame it awl on the Popu-
list party. Betsy haint bin in her rite
mind sinse the Populists went inter
politicks. I don't see why the Popu
lists can't be sensible like we dyma
krats an not git existed over politicks.
They orter be non partizan like us.
We are nice people awl the year
round an don't git u politicks an
religion an wurk aWl mixed up an
conglomerated. Betsy can't eat a meal
without stirrin' free coinage, govern
ment ownership ov monopolies, the
initiative an the referendum an awl
them other things up with her cabbage,
onions, rice an p~ertaters. We dyma
krats kin run after an offs twenty
four hours a day without razin' SIGH a
racket that the dead can't Sleep"
R.-"Evidently your digestion is
bad to day or ; on got cut of bed wrong,
or something. You seem to be cut Of
sorts. Go en- and relate your troubles
without threshipg over all the political
straw in the country"
B.-"Well, it was thrashin' wheat
that brought on most ov the difficulty.
1 Wuzent lookin' fer the thrasher ter
cum ter my house fer several days yit,
but a Populist il runnin' the machine,
an awl at once he sent me Wurd that
he'd be at my house fer breakfast
Tuesday mornin' an ter hev plenty ov
fried chicken, pies an things fer hiz
gang were tourin' the country fer the
purpose ov gittin' fat in time ter resist
the wave ov goldbug prosperity. 1t
Wuz late Monday mite when l got the
message. I called Betsy an tole her an
then the circus began. She lowed she
didn't see why they didn't give more
warnin' an sed she hadn't made any
p-reparashuns. l hadn't neither, fer
wuz not expectin' them. Betsy lowed
she'd rather eat corn bread awl her
born days than ter be frustrated so over
a little wheat crap. But we got ter
hustlin' Ground at a $40 gait an the
more we tried ter git somethin' done
the more we got mixed. Betsy put
beets on the stove ter cook an forgot
ter put any water in the pot an they
got burnt up. l sent Wurd ter three or
four neighbors that l wanted them ter
help me erbout the straw an wheat,
an the boy I sent he got existed an
couldn't tell n ov them what wuz
wanted an he cum awl the way ter
my house thirkin' / wuz sick may be
Then me an Betsy tried ter catch sum
chickens. I couldn't git into the hen
house an they were awl roostin' az fer
frum the door ez they could git. I
finally got mad an took a pole an be
gan ter job an beat the chickens, an
they got ter cacklin' an takin' on at
SIGH a rate you couldn't hear yourself
holler. Betsy sed I didn't hev sense
ennuff ter make a pig squeal. That
hurt my dignity an I got made. Sch
language az that erbout a man who
hez bin q standin' candidate fer a dozen
ofises fer twenty years, wuz more
than a human bein' orter submit to. I
then tole Betsy I Wuz goin' ter bed an
she could catch the chickens or they
would not be caught. She lowed she
didn't care if l went ter New York, sed
she could git erlong without me better
than with me. SO we both struck an
wouldn't budgea step that mite. We
went ter bed without speakin' ter
each other, an got up the next mornin'
early an with the help ov a dog soon
caught the chickens an after a lot ov
truble got a purity good meal fer the
thrashin' crowd. After it wuz awl
over We wernt much hurt. Betsy sed
we would hev bin aWl rite if we hadn't
got existed an illustrated. sorter got
reconsiled an asked Betsy ter 'poligize
fer sayin' I didn't hav sense enuf ter
make a pig squeal. She sed that had
bin her candid opinion fer sum time
an she didn't propose ter take it back.
30 If we hev a suit fer divorce in the
next court you need not be surprised.
l amt goin' ter stand SIGH remarks az
that frum any Populist, no matter if it
is my wife. Gudebye."
Wutoh the label on poar paper and