Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-08-09

! The Rescuer-"How did your come
to fall imp
The Rescued-"I didn't come to fall
in, l. came to fish. '-Harper's Week
ly.
HissSeventeenth Question.
Little Carence-''Pa?"
, Mr.. Callipers-"Well, my son?'
LittleS Clarence" postage stamp
collecting a profession or disease?"
Puck.
Has Been There.
The Tramp-''Can you tell me how
L can get some work, sir?"
The Citizen (crustily)-"Yes; buy
bicycle, and try to keep it clean!''--
YonkerstStatesman.
Non-Suited.
Brown-"Did you ever try that
tailor I recommended to you?"
Green-"Yes. Too expensive. Got
two suits from him-one dress suit,
one law suitn'-Punch.
No Scope.
ST bought little Tommy trumpet
because he was so lonely, hut he did
not seem pleased"
''Well, no; you see his old grand
mother is stone deaf Pick -Me-Up.
The Brute.
Mrs. Hoon-"Why do you persist
in referring to the folding bed as hep
Why isn't it just as appropriate to call
it she as it is ship?"
Old Hoon-"Because it.shuts up oc-
casionally. Judge.
A Drawback.
Held willingly go round the
world for your sake"
She-"I wouldn't likefthat."
why not?"
In that case you'd come back to
where you started from"
HoteI Rates.
HEWITT had nightmare the
last time l was at that hotel"
Jewett-"Wha of it2'
Hewitt foolishly mentioned it
to the clerk the next morning and he
charged me for the use of one horse"
Suspicious Advantage.
"The rooms are rather SMALL" said
the prospective boarder.
"rhe advantage Of that" said the
hotel-keeper complacently, sis that
not SO much fresh air is required to
keep them cool. ."-Philadehhia North
American.
Not Lost.
TravelerI(to the driver on fording
the river )-"Has anyone ever been lost
in this stresm?"
Driver-''No, sirp Sam Mason was
drowned here last spring, but they
found him again, after looking for two
weeks. Judge.
Better Than He E1xperted.
''The question is" said the Turkish
Minister, ''how muchindemnity Greece
will pay"
SIS that ?".tasked Abdul Hamid,
cheerfully. 81 thought the question
was how much indemnity Greece
would owe. Puck.
Still Funny.
Mr.. Twynn-''The romance of No
Brides honeymoon fingers still, al
though he has been married five
years."
Mr.. Triplett- "Howtdo you know?"
Mr.. Twynn-''He jokes with his
wife about her millinery bills"
Personally Interested.
Weary-''Dis arber-day tree.plant-
in is gittin' ter be,a great ting"
Raggles-"Yesaan' I'm,opposed ter
it, too"
Weary-"W'y?"
Raggles-"W'y? Jes' t'nk Nv de
snap we 'ud hev gittin' meals eff wood
wuz too skeerce ter be used ez fuel"
Judge.
The Ruling Passion.
The fine will be three dollars and
costs, announced the Police Magis-
trate.
'Im willing to make it ten dollars
and costs, Squire" said the scorcher,
'.if you'll have it entered ON the
printed record that was going twen-
ty miles an hour and my machine was
a Creased lightning, geared to eighty
four. "-Chicago Tribune.
At the Prison.
i Fair Visitor-''Po fellow! And
what brought you here?"
I Mike (the slugger)-"It wuz all be-
cuz of dat unlucky number t'irteen,
miss
Fair Visitor Indeed? Do tell me
howl"
Mike (the slugger)-''Well, you see.
miss, dere wuz de, jury, twelve, an
de jedge made t'irteen. Judge.
~ Piclterel Swallowed by Snake.
70. w. Platt, who is employed as
salesman at E. s. Hunts furniture
store, at Essex, Conn, while out for
a stroll near fiat rock at the factory
4