New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-07-13
TIE TALK or THE DAY.

lucky reported by The NewYork Weekly"
! Drummer (at Moonshnevile. Kentucky)-Good
morning Mr.. Crossroads: hows business?
| Storekeeper (dsconsola tey)-Mighty poor. mighty
| poor You see a new store started up in opposi-
ton TO me- and Of course. | couldn't stand that so
I Jest gave my frien's the wink. an they COM
menced KILN off his customers; but he had more
trade than kalkerated on an Wen his customers
began to shoot back 1t made purity even right, an
both sides killed each other off so fast that now
there amt either OF us got any customers
Saved-Steersman during exciting yacht race)-
Man overheard, Shall stop. or let him drown?
Captain (prompty)-We must stop and pick hiin
ing a race.-(NewYork Weekly
There is venerable and benevolent Judge in
Paris who at the moment Of passing sentence on
a prisoner consults his assessors on each side OF
him as to the penalty proper TO be inflicted. What
ought to give this rascal brother%' he says.
bending to the assessor on the right Il
should say three years" What Is your opinion.
brother?" to the assessor on the left. II should
give him about four years" The Judge With
benevolence: prisoner. not desiring to give you
long and severe term Of imprisonment, as should
have done If left 10 myself | have consulted my
learned brothers and shall take their advice
Seven years"
Tomorrow is the birthday OF that little Jones boy
What Of it?" he demanded.
pened to recall that Mr. Jones gave our Willie a
drum on his birthday -.,,..
to him for that?" ne asked rritably. IF you do
you are mistaken If owe him anything it's a
grudge"
'Of course" she answered sweetly. That's why
! thought that perhaps you might want to give the
most an TId the D verdi h he
trumpet-(Chicago Post.
An English paper quoted by The Living
i~ tn, poge1 and
Baptist cathedral with supplied choir of both
sexes In Glasgow Congregational church
liturgy is used. with choral responses. including
the Ten Commandments and the chanted Psalms;
the lessons read from a lectern; daily services
are held. and the altar. or communion table.
stands a large gilt
Jimmy Dragjeans-Aw. dat guy made me tired.
fer he said he savin his money fer rainy
Casey de Kidder-Yes, an den it will be too wet
ter burn it.-(Pittsburg News.
October II Is to be Brooklyn Day at the Nash
vile exposition and the two following days will
be New-York State Day and New-York City Day
respectively.
The corn crop in Kansas City territory is in fine
condition except in limited sections wEcre hot
winds have hurt 1t. and the promise for the crop
the Year. Besides Kansas asa and Nebraska farmers
have on hand big surplus of old corn and even 4
ySt be large quantity Of corn AVAILABLE for dis
tribution from this city.-(Kansas City Star
While Mr. Layard was British Minister at Con-
stantinople a stock broker who had been con-
cerned in the issue of a Turkish loan called on
Lord Pamerston. Let me see.' said "Od PAM"
you are the NJ who helped Layard to make
much money out Of the Turkish loan" MY lord"
said the stock broker II give you my word
man of honor and a gentleman that Mr.. Layard
never made 4 penny out OF the loan" Sorry to
hear It," said the genial Pam" His connection
with the loan injured his reputation. so hoped at
least he had made money by IT.
Pretty of has married Mr. Noble Why he's poor as
Mr.; "SS Gould she have
M Mrs Ut Tiptop-Its the greatest mystery.
Mrs. Topnotch-Yes. everybody in society is
problem:
Mr. Noble lin parlor-car of fast express train)-
NV darling why did you marry me?
The Bride-Because 1 love you-(NewYork
Weekly.
Estrada Palma. the head of the Cuban Junta in
this country has sent machete TO Senator Mason
of Illinois to be given to his little daughter Whit
fred Mr. Palma makes this present in recognition
OF Senator Mason's services for free Cuba.
He-They say that wedding rings are going out
with the ring. dear 1t will make no difference to
me But why didn't you give me some warning Of
rhat vou were about to say? This IL so sudden
Then he thought Of home and mother, but II was
too late-(Cleveland Leader.
A crank named Cook has been trying with fair
success. to walk the water with the aid OF
speciai shoes These are much larger than snow
shoes. being a foot wide and three and half feet
long. But they work on much the same principle.
These shoes are shallow boxes. made OF very light
and the wearer covers the top with rub
Der cloth that IL fitted snugy to his ankle and calf
An invention OF this kind Is needless and Its
use exposes a person TO such danger. that the
author of II will scarcely win any glory.
Mrs Eastake-You visited Venice while you
were in Europe, | hear. Mrs Trotter?
Mrs Trotter--Yes, indeed, and we were rowed
about by OF the chandeliers for which that city
II noted-(Harper's Bazaar.