The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1897-10-28
Shocked at the Seaside.
WHAT ONE SEES AT FASHIONABLE BATH
ING PLACES.
Truth Learned at LAst-Ladies Have
Legs as Well as Some Other AMI
mate and lnanimate Things-A Dis
covery Tlade Where Fair Ones are
Wont to Sport With Neptune.

mate and lnanimate Things-A Dis
covery rlade Where Fair Ones are
Wont to Sport With Neptune.
g ID. o. (frcm Atlantic City, in the Ar
kansas Thomas Cat.)
am in deepest, dark Drowned hair
widower mourning for lost ideal.
All my flags turned to the sugar trust
or gold bug pirate hu-. are flying a,
half mast and melancholy Grape hut-
tiers in bannere,s of woe from every
doorknob Of my saddened soul,
over an irridescent romance departed.
| have painted the rims Of dropping
ears with hearse plumes, as symbols of
a grief that cannot be comforted. A
pail of such all-pervading blackness
has come over me that the game
chickens of progress fly screaming to
roost at MONDAY wherever pass, as
though total eclipse or a chunk of
Egyptian night had struck them.
Amid the vast, impenetrable gloom
that walls and domes me in. mile
high stack of blind black cats in a coal
cellar at midnight would gleam like a
sun-lit snowdrift, and Erebus itself
would seem sacred white elephant
newly kalsomined for the circus pa
rad. One of the sweet and graceful
illusions Of lifetime has vanished be.
yond recall. 1t has gone glimmering
like pot of gold at the rainbow's
end, the fairy godmo,her, the forest
born princess, the honor of theiUnited
States Senate, and the many other
phantasms of sun-kissed happy youth
happy because SO ignorant, SO full
of faith and hope. My first day, my
first hour at fashionable seaside re-
sort has swept away forever.
was raised under the courtly old
regime, which taught a boy that "la-
dies do not have legs"-that "ladies
float like seraphs, or glide like sylphs,
or move like queens, but never walk,
because they have nothing to walk
with" From my little boyhood until
the evil hour that brought me to one
of these ocean shore wallowing places
of black-guard fashion, these dainty
and delicate myths were cherished ar
ticles of my creed. l believed in them
devoutly and as unquestionably as l
once believed in the emptier myths Of
American craftsmanship and unselfsh
patriotism. In all my globe-girdling
peregrinations | had never learned
any better-or worse. l had seen bal
lets or opera choruses, of course; but
simple son of the wildwoods and plains
that l was l always supposed those
stuffy-parts of modern music and
drama, were artiicial-mere automat-
ic devices to piroquette and kick with.
But now, alas! lady. l have the
Dead-sea fruit of knowledge, and l am
so ashamed that l dare not look up
without my sombrero over my face. |
beat beet blushing as | think how
much know I know. | am wiser
tkan / was, but l am no happier-and,
| fear, no better
No legs! Ladies have no legs!
Great centipedes and Black Crook
kicquitywinks! Then among all the
tens Of thousands Of girls and women
have seen this summer there has
not been lady! No legs indeed!
They are like boarding house chickens
all legs. There is nothing but legs:
The American orien, is hedged and
riprapped with legs. The snow white
sands from Passomoquoddy to Pa,quo-
tank, from Cape Cod to Old Poin,
Comfort, are strewn with legs. The
bounding billows below "Legs!' The
surf has surfieit of legs Land and
sea are full awave with legs. The
horizon is bounded with legs. The
whole air is full of legs. My days are
endless panorama Of legs and my
slumbers are haunted by legged night
mares. am fast becoming legoma
MAC. Necromoncy is baby-play com
pared with legromancy. Much of the
worlds most treasured lore lies in
leg ends and allegories, and all law at
last is but leg islation. | now under
stand why people clamor for the leg IL
innate drama and demand that all
deeds and documents shall bear the
leg al stamp. Legba is often the
best security, and leg ible handwriting
is universally commended. A hand
some leg-a is always priced, and a
handsome leg-I see at every turn.
No wonder Gray won immortality by
single perfect LEG.
Legs, legs, everywhere. Legs of all
shapes, sizes, colors and descriptions.
Legs that range from slim and crooked
tobacco-sticks to the ponderous carved
supports of a grand piano, such as
Minnesota's hayseed legislature, few
years ago, proposed to array with those
of the sculp,ured Hebes, Dianas and
Venusesde Milo, in ruffied pan,alettes
or strings at the ankles, la Mollle
Anderson or Salle Bernhardt in
"Rosalind. Legs slender enough for
-s,raws to suck julep through,
and legs collossally suggestive Of fem
mime rhinoceroses or hippopotamuses
in tights. Legs that look like pump
kin seeds, and legs exquisite in every
curve and as ever lent symmetric beau
ty to the alabas,er image Of a agoddess
or a grace. Legs knockneed as Aes,
legs bowed o till they would serve for
barrel hoops or parenthesis, and legs
both knockneed and bandyshinned
at once. Legs so twis,y and spradly
that they nigh. travel both ends of a
CROSSROADS or both sides Of a Demo.
cratic tariff at the same time, and legs
as trim and shapely as ever danced