Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1897-05-29
0. 7. MARSH: WOODSTOCK.
NONSENSE ON THE GRIP.
"Hints to Passengers" Which Puzzled q
Mild Grammarian.

The man who had studied gram
mar once and was not particularly
ashamed of it boarded the Westport
car at Twelfth street and began in
an absentminded way to read tho
signs, says the Kansas City Star.
He ran his eye languidly along tho
row of placards and back again,
then began at the first and repeated.
1t was tiresome, but there was pos
itively nothing else to look at, and
he swore, in excellent English, albeit
that he would never buy an arti-
Gle that he saw there advertised.
The car stopped at Fifteenth street
to let on fat woman and three ne
groes. The man who had studied
grammar ran his eye down the line
of placards again. He was bored
Suddenly he started, a CLEAN of
triumph in his eye.
Conductor, said he, "do I have
to do what that card says2"
"No, you don't have to-
"What would happen if I didn't2"
"Well, if you jumped off while
the car was running and got hurt,
why, you couldn't collect damages
from the company
$50 if I want to collect damages
havc to obey that sign''
"That's it,
Tho fat woman stared, and the
negroes grinncd Complementary. !
wondered what was up.
The car switched around bend.
"Conductcr, l have business on
Twenty seventh street, said the
grammarian.
The Car stopped there.
The grammariun sat immOvable
as tho sphinx.
"Well, this is Twenty seventh
street." said the conductor.
"Well, supposed as much"
He did not move.
"Come! Hurry up!'
"Well, I'm ready. I'm waiting to
see how you go about it, Do you
lift me up off the seat while the
grip'nan pulls the car out from un.
der mcs"
Tho fat woman got up and walked
to the farther end of the seat.
"Or do you open up the floor of
the car and allow me to stand on
the track while the car is pulled
away2'
The negroes began to show the
whites of their eyes. Still wonder
ed.
See hereI' said tho conductor.
"What--aro You crazys"
"Not in the least, said the gram
marian. Il am simply trying to
conform to tho rules of your COM
pany. Now, my friend, do you want
to earn from your employers med
al for scholarship No! Well, will
do this much for your benighted
mind and charge you nothing for
it. That sign up there reads, Pas
sengers must not get off the cars
while in motion That is wrong.
1t should read this way And he
wrote upon pad, "Passengers,
while in motion, must not get off
the cars. ''You see, that other is
an awkward construction.
1t is, il itt' rel lied the conduct
Or lie was r::d, and We all saw it,
"Well, II! tel You Il thing or two."
Grabbing the pad. he wrote, PAS
sCnsC. . L.,,..t rot, While III motion.
Get OF tie CTS. -
He showed It under tho nose of the
GranilAariAn.
"Eow do you lie thcsc?' he
shouted.
Tho mans hair stood pn end. The
nearoc.i s,,.aed. Istepred ont on to
the platform.
"Io.l ll.1lly, blank IDIOT began
both the Z ,niuctor and his man to-
gcthCr. That was ell could distin-
guish of the balance of the CONVEX
sutiun. 'i..r remainder WAS a heter-
oYpnoo,,i .Ibinution Of motions,
cars, passcnyer,;, whiles, other
wh.lri, uflriWhiloa, baforewhile,
az Il lo:.; tain OF explosives which
foltcl out into tho open air. | fled.