Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-12-13
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hoillpiS Jtdiouo Nithoul any
Maud-Don't be anxious, dear; I'll take
care he never does that.-PickMe-U
1.-TWO hours of sleep before midnight
are better than four after that hour"
"Fiddlesticks! Two hours of sleep af-
ter one in the morning are better than
all the others. West Union Gazette.
"Bless my soulr' cried the shade, as
he entered the golden gates and they
gave him a trumpet; II never learned
TO play this thing" That's the reason
you're here" remarked St. Peter.-Ba-
ear.
Reporter-Well got the great DR..
Slasher to sign that article for next
Sundays edition. Editor-Goodl But
what kept you so long? Reporter
Why, the idiot wanted to read it,
Judge.
"My wife is rearing Bobby very care
fully. When he is disobedient he goes
to bed without his dinner" Isn't
that rather severe?" mo; she always
carries his dinner up to him."-Chicago
Record.
Wheeler (who rides Lightning
You ought to get lock for that wheel.
Scorcher (wko rides a Blue Streak)-
Think so? Wheeler-Yes. Some one
might steal it-for the lamp.-Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
Mikey Dorlan-Hullo, Bill! How did
you like being caddie? Billy Nolan
Ah didn't like 1t at all, at all. First
de felleT he towld me ter kape me eye
on the ball, den he gave me de ball in
de eye.-Bazar.
'Do l get my riparian rights with
this wheel?" asked the lady of Ian
guage. Get what?" asked the clerk,
surprised into rude abruptness. "Ri.
parian rights, / said. Do you repair
itT'-Indianapolis Journal.
Rouser-How accurately are the Ills
of a nation reflected in the breasts of
her loyal sons. Watson-What do you
mean? Rouser-Take me- for instance.
I'm desperately In need of more rev.
enue-Philadelphia North American.
80 that young man says he would
lay his fortune at your feet?" said Ma
bells father. YES" "But he hasn't
done So" "N-no." "And perhaps you
can tell whyy" II guess, father. that
he hasn't had 1t told yet."-Washing
ton Star.
''It Is the nature OF a child to be
wanting to do something" said the en-.
thusiastic kindergartener. "As far as
have noticed" said the mother of
six, at is the nature of child to be
wanting to do something else. e."-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Batterton Banged-No, mum, it's
ag'in' me prlncypuls t chop huff wood
fer We t cook me bre'kfuss wild, but eff
you've n mind ter cook it on dat gas
stove, I'll break de iron-clad rules f de
associashun l b'longs to, an turn on
de gas.-Puck.
81 may have bitten off more than ]
can chew" remarked the boa-constric.
tor, as the young gazelle disappeared
within its capacious jaws; but, thank
fortune, don't have to chew" And
1t curled itself up for a sixweeks' nap.
Chicago Tribune.
He-Er-these stories your father
tells about the things he saw out West,
you knew. She-Well? He-Ought
to laugh at their improbability and
make him think am smart, or ought
TO pretend that l believe them Gin
cinnati Enquirer.
First Cyclist-I always get nervous
when ] see woman crossing the street
ahead of me. Second Bicyciist-So do
I. They have so many pins in their
clothes that If fellow collides with
them he is almost sure to puncture
tire.-Spare Moments.
II ne Tatters-Uv course it's none
NV my business, pard, but wuz you
ever married? Rambling Rube-Nol
Wot makes you ask? Torne Tatters
Why, 1 was wonderin' how you evSr
acquired dat habit Nv sleepin' wit yer
hands in yer pockets.-Puck.
Colonel, we are intending to erect
an artistic drinking place in the center
of the park, and thought perhaps you
might subscribe small" "The
project is sheer nonsense, sir. Do you
imagine fo' an instant that the city will
grant n icenseT'-Indianapo Jour-
nal.
"These stripes" sighed the convict,
"make a man feel small" The kind
woman who had come into the dark
some place to cheer him smiled radiant
ly. "Only think" she urged, "how
much smaller they would make you If
they ran up and down your suit."-De-
tyoit free Press.
Stern Parent-Well, sir, don't know
as l am particularly desirous of be-
coming your father-in-law, young mani
Cholly Seeke-Er-eh-I n-ne-never
thought of that. You w-wo-would b-be
my father-in-law, wouldn't you? l G.
guess we'll l-let the-er-m-matter
drop; g-good d-day.-Truth.
She-I would like a marriage license.
He-Well-er-madam but it is GUS
tomary for the gentleman to She
Not in this case-the gentleman can't
come. He objected, an for n time IT
IooIyad nc If thare wasn't pOin' to ha n nv