The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-08-03
just a little fodder,
Just a little pole.
Just a itiae apple
Bless his little soul.

w iSlDS ne were Ctdd
Cleveland Leader.
Chicago Post: rs he a man of gooc
family: asked the visitor from che west
Best there IS, was the reply.
WHATS MS DESCENT" inquired the Wis
Descent" repeated the native. evil
IDENTIFY puzzled, but only for minute
Wei, he came down the mountain in a
fuIne once. and sort of reckon you cah'1
beat that very much"
Argonaut: A gentleman had left his
corner seat in an already crowded
| railway car. in search of something
to eat, leaving rug to re-
found that. in spite of the rug and the
protests of his fellow passengers the seat
had been usurped by one in lady's gar
ments. 70 his protestations her lofty re-
ply was:
DO you know. sir. that 1 am one of
the directors wives?''
Madame he replied, were you the
directors only wife i should still protest
Cincinnati Enquirer: There will be a
clerkshiD vacant in the third division OF
TO be the chief. said the appointing
Il hare the man who is ideally fitted
I for the place. said the senatorial in
Are you certain?"
Quite certain. He must be TIE man
because he wants the job. and he isn't
| fit for position in business
Indianapolis Journal: whether a man
is happier working for his own good. or
ter OF temperament. said. the philoso-
I Dhe-. 1T all depends on whether a man
would rather have money or a monu-
ment
Life: Merchant-Well, Patrick. was your
Sunday school picnic a success yesterday?
Office Boy-Yes. sir; but it opened orful
crowd till after O'Clock.
New York Journal: She-Law? What is
law? Women govern the world. Woman
/. He-That must be the reason why so
many men like to take the law in their
own hands.
family plate" said one small girl in
We'll" replied the other. that isn't
plate, and. what is more. they are going
TO sell it to the government
Somervile Journal: Grocer-No. sir. we
cannot give you credit. This is strictly
cash store. and we do not give trust to
anyone.
Customer drawing himself UP proudly
[Tnen. sir. you cannot have my trace,
body"
New York Press: The difference be-
tween journalist and newspaper man
is that the first prints a lot more than
he Knows and the second knows lot
more than he prints.
Indianapolis Journals: Paw. what is a
gentleman of the old school?'
'Er-ah-he is one ofethese fine, smooth
shaver old gentlemen who think it awful
a know RI ,fY.
a punctured tire. but just perfectly lovely
for her to knew how to fix a sewing ma
chine"
Puck; custOmer-Is he an up-to-date
Dealer-Wen. well let him speak for
himself, (To DarroD:. Polly. want a
me rarrot-Hoot. mon. 1 dinna' ken.
Hoo's a wi We? Gang ava,
Customer-In take him.
CINCINNATI Enquirer: Reed-If I wrote
stuff like yours l would copyright it.
.Wright-Oh, it is hardly worth the trou-
Bile.
Reed don't think you catch the idea.
Suppose YOU were to write something that
would make you amount to something
then If your present truck were copy
righted. the papers could not put you TO
shame by reprinting it.
Philadelphia North American: Rum
I'LL Sc, HdS SOilt mo PROFESSIONAL
baseball"
why. what does he know about the
gamer"
Nothing; he has become an umpire
indianapolis Journal:A Delicate Remon-
strance.-When l get to be a man." said
the boy who has a good memory for
phrases, = m going to strive to cultivate
an unselfish nature"
That's right, replied the father. How
are you going to go about it?"
Well. in the first place If l have any
little bcDs I'll let them shoot their own !
fireworks, instead of telling them they |
must let me do it for fear they will hurt !
themselves.
Boston Transcript: Delia-That was an /
awful accident that happened at the pier |
this afternoon.
Celia-For mercy'S sake. what was it? |
Deiia-May Flemming was fooling with /
somebody or other. and all of a sudden |
she fell into the water.
Celia-Horrors! And was she drowned? |
Delia-No but she had her bathing suit !
on and she got IL WrinrinO wet