Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1897-06-02
.I%eess
Xeede,t!s 6. 3
Z Hss fIcIdeiif

During the reign Of Charles the Sec
ond one SignOr Lett proposed to write
a history of the court. You will give
offense." urged his friends. Were
as wise as Solomon" said Lett, Il
could not avoid that" ''Then be as
wise," rejoined the king, who was pres
ent, "and write proverbs, not history"
DIR. Oliver Wendell Holmes once
made an address in his native town to
a medical association. The president
of the association was the son of man
who had been the druggist Of the VII
lage when DR.. Holmes had studied
medicine there. ut is good to look at
this young man." said the genial auto
crat, land trace HIS fathers hniments
In his face
On one occasion Gordon told Cecil
Rhodes the story of the offer Of room
full Of gold which had been made to him
by the Chinese government afteD he
had subdued the Tai-Ping rebellion.
What did you dO?" said Rhodes. IRE
fused 1t, Of course" said Gordon;
what would you have dOne?" Il would
have taken It," said Rhodes, land as
many more roOmfuls as they would
give me. 1t is no use for us to have
big ideas II we have not got the money
TO carry them OUT
Two green reporters, Englishmen.
were sent by the city editor of a news
paper to a suburban town to write up
the burning Of an orphan asylum. Late
that night, when the news editor was
wondering why no copy" about the
fire was coming by wire, a telegraph
messenger rushed in and handed him u
dispatch. He opened 1t and read:
Dear Sir: We are here. What shall
We do?" 1t was signed with the names
of the two men sent to write up the
fire. The news editor made few re-
marks; then he wrote on a telegraph
blank this brief message: "Find out
where the fire is hottest and jump in
Several days ago Congressman Wat
son sent several large sacks of flower
and garden seeds home for distribution
among his constituents. The papers
announced this fact, and for three days
there was a constant stream OF
persons coming to the Congressman's
law office in Columbus. On the last
day, q man came up and asked for
beans. He was given two packages.
He demurred to this. and reached over
cts. When called down by the attend
ant. the lover OF beans said: Il haven't
got enough for a mess yet. 1t takes
more than quart of beans to make 4
mess for my family"
Canon Anger, master of the Temple,
Is q great favorite with children, and
upon one occasion was asked to assist
as Juvenile party. Arriving at what
he thought was his destination, a house
in a row of others exactly alike, the
canon made his way up to the drawing
room. Don't announce me-" said he to
the domestic, and thereupon the rever-
end gentleman went down upon all
fOurs ruffied up his white hair, and
crawled into the room, uttertng the
growls Of an angry Polar bear. What
was his horror and amaZement to find
when he got into the room two old Ia
dies petrified with astonishment. He
had found his way into the next-door
house, instead of into the one to which
he was hidden.
The proudest moment of Nelson's life
is said to have been when he received
the swords of the officers Of the San
Josef Nelson's ship, which was the
smallest Of her class in the service at
that time, was dismasted, and upwards
OF eighty Of the crew killed and wound
ed, Nelson himself being wounded The
Culloden, commanded by Nelson's
friend, Captain Trowbridge, who fol-
lowed Nelson's lead in the breach Of
orders which resulted in this famous
capture. lost even more heavily. For
his breach Of discipline, Jervis did not
mention Nelson's name in dispatches;
but when one of his captains pointed
out the disObedience to orders, he
promptly said: when you commit n
like offense I'll forgive you"
Some time ago, at a fashionable sa-
lon. the Baron d'Almerie was one of
group to whom he was imparting an
account of his pedigree, which, he
claimed. was derived from the Pha
raohs Of Egypt. Just then Baron de
ROthschild approached the group, and
one of its members called out: Baron,
come and let me make you acquainted
with the Baron d Almerie. He comes
of Pharaonic stock, and you ought to
know each other" YES" said Baron
de Rothschild, bowling gravely. Il
think" said the Baron d'Almerie, you
should know our family, as your ances-
tors took from us certain pledges when
they decamped from Egypt" ''True,"
replied Baron de Rothschild, but those
pledges We're redeemed by a check ON
he Bank of the Red Sea!'
In order to boom business, an enter
prising grocer on a certain day adver-
tised several thousand five-cent loaves
of bread for sale at one cent each. His
rival was in despair until a brilliant
idea came into his head. He hired a
small army of boys and girls to buy
up all the loaves at cent each. At 2
o'clock grocer No. 1 had sold all his
bread, and those who came later de-
nounced him as a fraud who had fool
ID them with a lying advertisement
Meanwhile the foxy grocer around the
corner. with more than a thousand one
cent loaves stacked up on his kitchen
floor, put out a big sign: Fresh Bread
A Five-Cent Loaf for Two Cents. We
Never Advertise What We Have Not
Got" He thus not only discounted his
rival and turned the tide In his own ia
vor but made a profit on the bread as
well.
The Sand-Blast.
General Benjamin G. Tilghman, or
Philadelphia, invented the sand blast