The Monitor-register., 1897-05-28

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"Well, Willie" asked grandma, shave
you had all the Inner you want2"
NO." answered Willie; but l nave
bad all l can eat ."-Answers.
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'Be your own judge, Chumpley, but
can you show me one thing about Miss
Richly that makes her attractives"
'No, it's in the bank .".-Detr0tt Free
Press.
x*x
"How do you stand on the financial
question:"
81 think l shall stand pat. At least
when 1 went to the bank 1 was told l
could not aw."-Hdianapolis Journal.
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SIS Miss Straitlace circumseotP" asked
Miss Pert.
"Ciscumspect!'' cried Miss Caustic,
"why, she won't accompany a young
man on the piano without a chaperon.''-
TIT Bits.
nv
AOtOooO1g 80 ~ ONOL pOoSIOO w
take the greater from the less?
Professor Potterby-There is a pretty
close approach to it when the eonceit is
taken out of a freshman. Indianapolis
Journal.
Doler-Are you troubled with the
toothache?
Moler Gin agony)-Great C@sar! Did
you ever know a person to have the tooth
ache without being troubled with it p
Judy.
Nv
81 didn't know you were acquainted
with old Moneybag?"
"Oh, yes"
"How long nave you known him?"
"About three years at 10 per GEM" -
Fun.
81 fill the Bill" young William said.
when his father caught him in the pantry
filling up on jam.
And l foot the bill" said the father,
as he 'lifted'' him into the back yard
N. Y. Press.
Mike-Did ye succeed in persuading the
Orangeman We were argyfying wild last
night, Pat?
Pat-Yes, sure; but, begorra, l knocked
arl the skin off me knuckIes afore 1 did
i~t!-IDinkleS.
Nv
M~amma-NOw, Fred, be a good boy
and take your medicine, or mamma will
be very angry.
Fred (after mature deliberation)- I'd
rather mamma would be very angry
TDinkles.
Nv
Aliee-What, you, an advocate of
"woman's suffrage" going to marryP
"Miss Prim-Yes.
Alice-Well, l didn't think you would
carry your hatred of the men as far as
that.-Tseinkles,
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II guess there's trouble over at
Smiths"
"Yes?"
Eyes. Anyway, Mrs. Smith just ran
out, looking quite agitated, and asked
where the nearest penny in-the-slot
divorce machine was."-Detrot Journal
Nv
"After all" said the man, at the end
of the discussion, "no man knows what
his neighbors think of him."
II came mighty near knowing once"
said the citizen with a reminiscent look,
shut the jury disagreed. "-Lndianap0lss
Journal.
NV
81 don't like the way her hat is trim
med" said the woman at the theatre.
"No," replied her husband. who was
Immediately behind the headgear. sit
was a great mistake not to trim it care
fully across the top with a pair of
scissors" y Washington Star.
**x
First Thespian-Hello, actingP
Second Thespian-Yes.
First Tbespian-Where?
Second Thespian-Everywhere acting
as though l were flush when Pm busted.
Pick Me, Up.
x*x
He-I lave never kissed you, Alice.
Would you cut my friendship if l stole
just one?
She-I might be tempted to, but l
was just reading about forgiving 10 times
! 7 offendings. Goodness! That's AGO.
Detroit Free Press.
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Johnnie-Papa, do two negatives make
an affirmative?
P~apa-That's the rule.
Johnnie-Well, you said No, . no.
when l asked you for a quarter this
morning. When do l get it ?-BGbyhoOd.
##x
"Did that lawyer get a clear view of
the case2' inquired the iitigant's friend.
"No; Pm afraid he didn't. l told him
my trouble as about money, and he
seem ed to be proceeding on the theory
that by relieving me of my money he
would cause the trouble to disappear
Washington Star.
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