Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-11-06
- $3.50 - sr';y;. &C.; 80
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w hat ate all those ribbons hanging
on the chandeliers" "Thosc are no,
ribbons; they are ncckties I've pulled
OF different men when was learning
10 ride wheel" Chicago Record.
a.
frrguson-it says ht.c that no for. I
cigner is allowed to be forty eight |
hours on Turkish territory without A |
pass. Nixon-lt must be tough on the
railroads that have to issue Them.
Boston Transcript.
Why arc yea jecJ,niing, Mrs. M1r.
phyf" ante Nv benny is coming home
the day" Il thought he was sent ur
for foivc years" Yes. but he got
year OF for good bchavoure." Sure. II |
must be comfortin for yez TO have
good by like that" -TltBits.
Mr.. Dunham--I have called. sir. tc
tell you that your daughter. Miss Fan
ME. and love each other very dearly.
want to ask you for her. Old Mil.
yunS-Wcll. you'll have to wait
while. There's no vacancy in the store
now that could put you into.-Clevc-
land Leader.
Haggles-Wo't yer dcln'. Weary. wild
de tellerscope? Weary fer
work. Ragglcs--I.ookln' fer work?
W'ot fer; Weary-So's kin avoid 1t.
! wus jest sisin' up de houses round
here ter see cf l can't strike one dat
keeps a gaserlnc can instiu NV wood
pile.--Judge.
Il can always distinguish between
this win ordlnalre and red ink" said
the regular diner ut the table dhotc.
How" asked the casual customer.
by the label on The bottle" said the
regular with eendish grin. This
shows the importance of judicous ad-
vcrtislng.-Judgc.
Nisitor-Whas! lie Is three mcnths
Ole and you haven't named him yet?
Mrs. Whcelcf,-No! You see. It's this
way: ! want 20 name him after my BIZ
cycle. and John insists on naming him
after his. guess we will have to com.
promise and name him after the wheel
mother rides-Puck.
Mrs. de Tcmper-I am not happy
with my husband. Shall / drive him
away Lawycr-IIis life IL insured In
your favor. isn't IT, Mrs. lie Temper
Yes: I made him do that before we
married. Lawycr-Wcll. don't drive
him of. He'll die quicker where he IL.
New York Weekly.
Irate customer--See here. That suit
of clothes ! bought of YOU yesterday
Is full of moth holes. Dealcr-Das Is
MI rccht. mine frlcnt. Moths neffer eat
cotton. an ven ladies an shentlemcns
see dose holes dcy knows you wears
only high-priced all-vool goots.-New
York Weekly.
"Ilm made IN awful blundcr last
week" "t.hat was thatT' "He got
an Invite 10 Name Scroggs' wedding.
and felt too poor to bug Il present. SO
he sent Il note of regret. which read
like this: 1 have been called out Of
town. Please excuse my presents -.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Bllnkly-.]olin, dear. won't you
discharge Mary? You know how afraid
! am of her. Mr.. Bllnkly--Ccrtalnly
No servant can ever scare me. "a lit.
tie while afterJ Mary-ahcm! Mrs.
Blnkly has asked mo to tell you that
she wants to see you after havc gone
10 the o,iice.--Brooklyn Life.
Yesterday" said Jabson, II refused
n supplicant woman n request for u
small sum OF money, and In conse-
quence of my act l passed n sleeplcss
night. The tones of her voice were
ringing In my airs the whole time"
"Your softness Of heart does you cred.
It," said MADISON; "whO was the WON.
amp "My wlfc."-Detroit Free Press.
-Do you mean to say" asked the Wis.
itOr, In horror, that the gentleman
was shot for simply rising ana making
u motion during meeting Of your de.
batting society," "Suttinly," said the
Colonel, but you must remembah, sab.
that the motion he was called down on
was made In the direction OF his hip.
pocket. sah."-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Greene-Tell me. aren't there
any expresses running to your town I?
Mrs. Gray--Of course there are: plenty
Of them. Why do you ask! Mrs.
Grcene-My husband has told me that
ne has seen your husband almost ev.
cry night on his way home, and he nj.
ways uuu uiOTc ttuh uc Nouiu Va. -
Boston Transcript.
Judge-You admit that you entered
the house of the prosecuting witness
by the door at . o'clock In the morn.
ing! Pris0ner--Yes, your honor. Judge
What business did you have there al
that time of nighty Prisoner-I thought
II was my own house. Judge-Then
why did you, when this lady approach
cd leap through the window, jump
into the clstern. and hide yourself;
Pr!soner-Your honor, | thought II was
my wife.-Truth.
Lady 10 manager Of employment bn
reau,-What nationality is that bright
looking, dark-cOmplcXioned girl over In
the corner: I've addressed her In
French. Spanish and Italian, but she
doesn't seem to understand either. Man
ager (brlsklyJ--Trled the United States
dialect on her? NO, never thought OF
that" Perhaps she might under
stand you II you did. She was born
and brought up In New YOrk."-New
York World.
MY dear madam" said the professor
of music, your daughter has no sense
OF melody and no instinct for time
She couldn't play. And she has nc
voice; therefore, she cannot expect Il
sing" well, of course" was the com