Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-01-03
" BILL GOSSETT'E. y
THE PHILOSOPHER soLILoQUIZEs
ABOUT CHRISTMAS AND POLITICS.
EUCHRED OUT OF A SMOKING-JlCKET
4 Young Wife Not n Good Thing I'm
nm Old Mans Fnmiiy-Anguinrly-
Written Letter Causes Trouble
Grip Not n Good Friend.

/ GRIP Not n Good Friend.
Another Christmas with its Indigestion
and headaches and other aches has
! come and gone, and about the only
things we have to remind US Of the holi-
day occasion are a few turkey bones saved
for hash, some scraps Of cake that the
neighbours left. and the unpaid bills that
are mementoes of the presents we gave.
Od Father Time has whisted one more
notch in our record Of years. and as
we look back over the twelve months
just past we are reminded that while
we have had our VS. and downs, the
world also has had its sorrows and its
joys-a few days when hope was as high
as the big forest oaks, and a great
many days when. Ike our deceased
friend Esau we would fain have dis
posed Of most anything We had for an
old hare OF a squirrel. Wars have ragged
but through the dim and roar Of battle
we have seen our adipose President fight
ing only ducks, while the fate Of
poor MaceO is as uncertain as the
boundary line between British Guiana
and Venezuela Politics and hard-tmes
have ragged. and though the latter seems
to have been an easy winner / fan to
see what's the matter with Hanna, or
why any laboring man who has not lost
days work in several years should
plead dull business as an excuse for not
paying his bills.
But while speaking Of Christ
mas, 1 would like to remark that though
baby-wakers have Of recent years been
. tender subject with me. / never
thought hard Of the bows for enjoying
them, nor do l see any good reason why
any ardent enthusiast shouldn't 80 20
Cuba ~ he wanted 10 and have all the
fun he could out Of Oldham Weyler
and his gang. or course. Christmas has
brought IT'S usual renewal Of tho hand
kerchief and crayat supply. The taste
displayed by the followers Of the latter
IS as variegated as some OF the ties, and
II they were worn by the recipient
would grieye even the giyer. \ solid
pea-green background viii 10 touched up
with shrimp pink spots that would make
my old gray mare run away IL
She saw It, and then a brick dust
brindle viii have black and white stripes
that remind one Of soiled convict shirt
With handkerch $ 1t doesn't matter so
much, as you can keep them in your In
side pocket. and. Ike a corn. while it
may annoy the owner. Il doesn't show
I had tho grip last week. and the hold
the old fellow took then is as good now
rs ever. IL all the aches occasloned by
Christmas oyereatLng or undertaking were
consolidated into ono 10 would only COM
pare I'm a small way with Mr.. Grip. You
can't eat and you don't want TO 90 hun
%. al q. Il
remaining awake FOR q month or 50, and
about the only thing you can do Is take
pills and reyolve wicked thoughts through
your whirlagig head. The report got
abroad ia the land that ! was dead. and
while &c was q little gratifying 20 hear
the sympathy expressed FOR my widowed
wife. it grieYed me 10 listen 20 the specu
iotiOn rs 20 the amount OF my fortune and
what would become Of IL. When 1 came
back 10 town things hadn't changed much.
oflcer Marion sutton held down the usual
amount Of pavement I'M front OF the Dis
patch Office, and his auburn face looked
just like it did forty years ago. Dear old
Marion, I always loved him, and how well
io L remember many many years ago
how he would pilot lie home some night
when I had fallen a victim TO Virginia
hospitality displayed nc some banquet
'ad been sent to report. How IN tho ex- I
vibrating hiarity Of the occasion J would |
o0k into Lis dear, sweet face and imagine /
ina the fulness Of my joy that I haa /
painted the town red and how mad the /
I'D fellow would get when, If l happened /
% look down and saw his feet, | would Z
rotest that the pavement wasn't broad /
nough for US both Then l met the only /
Colonel John Bell Bigger. and no looked \
uat as young as he did fifty years ago, |
ghen we played baseball IN the Mats and /
ock-battled tho boys from Bufchortown. |
he have me a grasp OF the hand as cor
ial as that extended by my friend, Ned .
towele. and FASTENED 20 congratulate /
ne on the fact that / was stlll alive. My /
riend, Chris. EVelsen, invited me in, ,
md. as usual l accepted with pleasure.
y bile all these lltilo "Reminiscences are |
mighty sweet and friendly. hope they
sim not be repeated shortly with q grip |
,relude.
I was eucherel out OF n nice new
smoking Jacket a few days ago. and the
occasion fully illustrates the unfortunate
results that sometimes, 7 might say
'ory often. occur where there is a young
wife in an old mans family. While ! !
ave never been a v-.y great enthusiast
yer angular writing, I'm the future there
yin be a decided coo'ness between my
elf and this fashionable chirOglanhy.
During my encounter with that monster
De grip-my wife did me the kindness
% assist nae somewhat with my mail
among the letters was one written Ia
he most angular fist ever turned loose
rom female seminary. The letter was
Fluyanna, and as ] did not
ecognze either the writing or the place.
A.
=. D" queried my inquisitivo other half.
L dunno" 1 replied as / turned IL over
nd over and Upside down and vice
ersa in a vain endeayOr 20 ascertain
where it began or where IL ended. but 1
night as well have tried 10 tell where the
~ ended and the hog began. The
ieroglyphic angularity Of that letter was
lOrse than the fifteen puzzle; still
elt a little backward H. turning IL over
D the tender mercics Of her who IS sup
osed ~ share my joys and give me all
er sorrows. There was nothing else 10
o, however, and after awhile my wife
travelled the mystery. The letter was
-om j young lady who claimed to be a
great admirer Of Mr.. COssette." and /
antel 10 know II 1 WAS married. She
nd she had a pet kitten named Gosset-
ma and wanted 20 know II I would ex-
aASe luOlosi also, II smoking Jacket
Ould be acceptable as q Christmas gift.
I'll answer this" said Mrs. B. L..
in curl Of the lip. while her probosis
eyated - or 80 degrees and her ala
lster cheeks assumed a vermlllion tint.
81 hat on any other occasion would
ave been beautiful.
demonstrated. but without avail. and
y Fluvanna friend will only hear from
e through this column. Ny wife's let
r. was brief and as icebergy as the
innate around the North Pole. anl read {
follows; Miss,-The signature 10 this
III answer the first question in your
tier u a few days ago to my husband
e has no pictures 20 exchange. and as