davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
IN A HUMOROUS VEIN.

If eggs are SIT a. dozen in the Klondyke.
what on earth do you suppose they would
ask for a bicycle ?"-Yonkers Statesman.
Wasted Effort-Ten Eycke-"A man
can be a good Christian even If he doesn't
belong to the church." Maud-"Yes, but
what credit do you get for it?"-Truth.
"Say, Weary, dat b!oke wot shot de big
Spanish guy is goin to be garroted. Wot
does that mean?" ut means he's goin to
get it in the neck.'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer
Mrs. Cumso-"Your husband dresses
very quietly" Mrs. Cawker-"Does ne?
You ought to hear him when he can't find
his collars, or his cuff-buttons become
misla.d "--Ha rpeT's Bazaar.
A Hilarious Combina tfon.-Mrs. Dun
nigga nj we laughin' at, PATTI" Mr.
O'Flagherty-"Oi wor just t'inkin phat
a divil av tonne there'd be av the 18th
av March came on the Fourt' av July
Truth.
1.-The sloth," said the witty Dean of st.
Pauls, moves suspended, rests suspend
ed, sleeps suspended, and. in fact, passes
his life in suspense, like young clergy
man distantly related to a bishop
Household Words.
Very Likely.-Llttle Elmer (who is n
great reader)-"Paw Prof. Broadhead--
well, my SOM" Little Elmer-"Pa, do
you suppose Enoch Arden waited till ne
was sure that his wife had married again
before de came back ?"-Judge.
Mrs De Montmorenci Jinks-"I am so
much troubled about Dorothea, doctor.
She is just getting to that age when she
thinks her mother has no Judgment what
ever" DIR. Fifthly-"Ahem! Reaching
the age of reason, suppose. "-Blooklyn
Life.
Proposing a Test-"Jonsshy, you're a
theosophist?" 81 don't def it" "And
you've got the Klopdyle fever?" 'I'll
not deny that, either ''rhan why don't
dyke TO do your prospecting? "-Chicago
Tribune.
Instances In Plenty.--''What a silly ex-
preston! No more sense than the law
allows Did you ever know a man who
had more sense than the law allowed?"
"Centainly. The jails are full of fellows
who got there by being too smart."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Hilgard[Jason has got a model wife.
He was going to buy a bicycle, and she
persuaded him that a lawn-mower would
| give him just as good exercise, and that
| it would be more economical" Nixon
| I'm awfully glad Jason has got such an
| excellent wife. 1t Is such a comfort to
| know that nobody else is in danger of
| getting her,"-Boston TRANSCRIPT.
"what! whatp The inate old man al
| most cholxed with indigna ton. "You
want to steal my child from me. to rob me
| of my daughter? Why, sir!-" His
rage got the upper hand of him. and he
gasped some more. IRA seal is no name
| for youv The young man was perfectly
calm. you bet it isn't" he said SLOWLY;
| "and If anybody SAYS 9th er-w'se, there's
| liable to be trouble" In the face of such
sublime gall what could the old man do ?
Puck
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
Looking Forward.

Unless things take very unexpected
turn, it is safe to say that, beginning
with this fall, this country will enter
one of the most prosperous eras in its
history. The rise in wheat will be ac-
companied by a rise in cotton and in 9TH
ty Of money to spend will increase their
purchases and build more and better
houses. The increase In consumption
here, added to the demand from Europe,
will give tremendous impetus to indus
try and trade, and general prosperity and
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
Sold Mine on aBet For 81. 500, 900

From the San Francisco Chronicle.
> One of the most famous mines in Lead
VILE was the Robert E. Lee. Dts promise
was discovered when the vein or deposit
was first struck, but for some reason or
other people did not take kindly to It, and
The owners tried in vain to sell an interest.
A gentleman who happened to have a
few hundred dollars was b.sought to take
a third of 1t for $500. He studied the mat
ter and deeming the venture too risky, de-
clined. The Lee was a pockety mine and
some of the pockets contained rich ore.
To effect sale the owners wagered that
they would take $1,000,000 worth
out of the mine in twenty-four hours BY
great good luck they discovered few
rich pockets and won the bet. After this
there was no difficulty in selling the mine
for 81, 100000.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

bicycles. Secaring his prize, he started
towards dnis city.
Soon AFTER they had departed they were
surprised to hear the report of revolver
behind them. Looking back. they saw
Emma's father on bicycle in hot pursuit
They FASTENED their speed. as did the old
man. He fired another shot from his re-
volver and punctured the ire of the girls
wheel The doctor placed her on the
handle bars of his wheel and the race
was on again. They soon d.xj.anced the
irate parent and were made one long be-
fore he arrived in town, completely
Winded
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

If it comes to set to" between Josiah
Quincy, mayor of Boston, and Boston's
other distinguished son, Col John L. Sui
Ivan, it is easy to comprehend that it will
be Quincy who VIII receive the solar
phexus blow.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

For every Professor Andrews who is
removed from a position for expressing
his honest conviction there are ten men
who come above the surface tinoItured
with the belief that anarchists are better
than Those Who seek to muzzle free
speech.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
Hunniliated.
the Cleveland Leader.

From the Cleveland Leader.
: mo-" groaned the sufferer, "I don't
nrh1sd the bruises so much. It's the hui
initiation of the thing that is hardest up
on me-
But" the visitor said, according "
the accounts in the papers 1t wasn't your
fault. You were on the right side of the
road when the collision occurred"
IT know that, but the fellow 3yho Van
t7to me was on a last years Wheel
And he rolled over and wept.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
How an clipping Girl's Tire Was Punotured

From the st. Louis Republic.
Shelbyville, Ind, Aug. 20.-Dr. Charles
Perry and Miss Emma White, who reside
ten miles south of here, have been suitors
many months. against the wishes of she
young ladys parents. The doctor and
the young lady decided to marry. and
yesterday, through a friend e. arranged
for Emma to meet him in blackberry
patch mile from her home. When the
girl arrived the doctor appeared with two
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Notwithstanding the s1urs placed upon
it farther down the hill, 1t is in great de-
mand just the same, and by those who
appear to despise it the most.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

MIR. Howard, who now occupies a seat
object to his permanent retfrema mt from
politics. The quicker the better, and let
it be for all time TO come.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The Washington Post says: "In spite of
the new iariff Cissy Fitzgerald smuggled
her wink through the New York custom
house." Struggled or not, there is a tar
if en- that wink THAT falls heavily upon
the American consumers.-Gal toln
News
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The enterprise and prosperity of the
Galveston News is beyond all compre-
hension. On Sunday last it printed a
l9tter from one of it's correspondents
of it.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
speech.

The McLaurin family of Mississippi
are in the push, and the opinion at the
governors office in Jackson seems to be
that one of the family can be found who
of the late Senator George.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The gambler in wheat is the man who is
reaping the prosperity from that COM
modify, not the farmer.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Secretary to the President Porter
thinks his life is in danger, and wants the
number of police officers. Porter is mis-
taken. The American highwaymen have
never been known to assault fools or
crppleS
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The south is not the only section where
prosperity in the lynching business pre-
walls. 1t has reached numerous sections
of the north as we'll
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

There is 10 Disgusting the fact that
Gen. Weyler is entitled to the leather
medal as the champion liar of the pres
ent century.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The up going of the price of wheat has
to all appearances reached the fourteenth
round.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

1t must be indeed a sad blow to Ed
ward Atkins, the man of many sides on
all economic questions to find out that
over one-half of the money in the saw
ings banks of New England is the prop
erty of the rich and not the horny
handed laborer This knocks the argu-
ment of many protective tariff apostles
higher than Beecher's Life of Christ.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The silence of Hon. Hold Boise, of Iowa
is almost as painful of that of David B
Hill, of Albany.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

A word to the wise is sufficient Last
Saturday was the time for the farmers
to have sold their wheat.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The man whose prosperity has come
to him through stock and grain specula-
ton, may be the first to be in the hands
of the sheriff.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
North and South.

"A writer in the Atlanta Constitution
picks out from the census reports some
interesting facts and figures which go to
show that the south, in many respects,
is better off than the north. Take these
figures in regard to crime and criminals
in certain northern and southern states
in 1890:
But to the CENSUS. Look at these fig
ures on crime and criminals in some of
the states north and south in 1890:
Massachusetts, convicted criminals
IN prison .............. 1921
New York, convicted criminals in
prison .................1 IL, 1853
Ohio, convicted criminals in prison. 2,9O9
Illinois, convicted criminals in prs-
on OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. 1886
Total ..... ...... -. .23, $40
Now deduct the negroes ........ 1,795
Leaving whites ST.. -. 81, 745
Now LIT us take four southern states
South Carolina, whites 49,. ........ 1923
Mississippi 49,. -. -. .............. 119
virginia ......... 49,
Total ............... ......S66
These four northern states have a to-
tai white population of 15,777 900, and the
four southern stats have only $1,000 400,
about one-fifth. The Constitutions con-
tributor thus comments on the figures:
The negro has been eliminated in both
statements, and as the population of the
four northern states is five times that of
ours we will multiply our convicted
white prisoners by FIVE which would
give 1Is 40 ,anainSt 81 745 I said in. a
recent letter that there were so per cent.
NOR of felonies in New York or Massa-
chusetts than in Georgia. I was mis-
taken. There are five times as many.
which is 500 per cent. and this is the
ratio according to white population.
That is just what Mr.. Stetson said-the
statistcian of Massachusetts. His Ian
guage as published was: There is no
country upon earth where crime is so
fragrant and so frequent as in Massa-
chusetts." Her population is about
double our white population, and yet she
has fifteen times as many whit crimi-
nails in her prisons-and what is worse
than all, my brethren. 74S of them are
woman. Just ponder over 1t, and like
the prophet excalim: How are the
mighty fallanv' only one white woman
in the jails or chaingangs of Georgia
and TAB in the puritan state of New Eng
land. What shall we do about 1t? What
can we do? But this Is not all that the
census tells. In addition to this vast
army of prisoners. Massachusetts has
700 juvenile prisoners, while New York
has 1876, and Ohio 1850.
In the four northern stats mentioned
there, ere oyer 5000 paupers. besides
sifousands in private benevolent ins it'll
lions. What vast army of criminals,
cramps and paupers the progressive and
prosperous north has to support. Us 1t
surprising that elrey demand protection
and a pension roll stretching TO the end
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

At the next bankers convention the
song to be sung will probably be Com
in Thro' the Rye"
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Thu School Book Trust win find the
people eff Alabama unwilling to extend &c
it the right of prosperity.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Johnnies Teacher-And now, Johnnie,
tell me what the last Commandments is.
Johrrie "a street car tourist-Plea Sc
don't spit on the floor.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The subject of looting the treasury
through the pension office will have a
great boom at Buffalo this week.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Ex-Governor Pillsburry, the great
miller of Minneapolis, who had succeed
ed in establishing a good sized corner in
wheat last Saturday, celebrated the adj
vance in prices by hiring brass band
and parading the streets of the city.
Pillsburry's best will be marked up a few
notches as soon as he RECEIVERS from the
effect of his hilarity. This consumer,
not the foreigner, pays the tax.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

New York is putting forth just now a
great many orators of the Plat.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

If wheat goes much higher flour will
soon be placed on the luxury list.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

New York, few days ago, In reference
to frusls, and another batch of so-calied
anarchists will be forthcoming.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

few more uitterances Hike those from
Roswell P. Flower, former governor of
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Gen. Mills modest1y admits that he has
found nothing in Europe quite as beat
tiful as himself
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The tiger and the elephant will not lie
down in peace in New oYrk for the next
four months.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
Not Yet

Hojaclt-The Sick Man of Europe seems
to be recovering
Tomdik-He hasn't recovered that in
dsmnity vet. .
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

This is the week when President Nc
Kinley will be put off at Buffalo.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Who has consumed 1t? And what would
they get If They did consume it?
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

Georgies prison scandal has not even
aroused Tom Watson.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24
MeYler the Liar.

Ut is now The wheat buy and sell.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The disappointed man, &C. C. A." has
great head. He knows his business.
The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1897-08-24

The lawyer. ct. w. k shows signs of
being a professional divorce lawyer, and
encourages marriage as future matter
of business for himself. He knows his
busfps SIS also.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
Death of Mrs. j. +. LaMalle.

Mrs. Joseph +, LaMalle departed
this life Mt her home in this city, ON
last Friday morning, Noy. ..
Deceased had been sufferer for
many months, and she bore her attic
tions with Christian resignation. She
was held in high esteem by all who
knew her. Nearly all her life was
spent in Mineral Point. She was a
true and devoted wife and mother; OF
gentle nature. and kind heart, she
leaves a wide circle of friends who
mourn her departure and deeply sym
pathize with those who by her death
are left orphans. \ son and n daugh-
ter survive her Miss Annie and
Willie: also three brothers and one
sister, namely: Messrs. William A.,
John. and Theodore Amberg, of Chi
cago, and Mrs, c, w. Mcllhon, OF
this city, all of whom were present.
Mrs. Theodore Amberg was also
present. The funeral took place on
Monday morning, with services in st,
MarN's Catholic church.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER IL. 1897.
Married.

On Tuesday morning, Nov, 9th, a
ST. paul's Catholic church, by Rev
James O'keete, Hon. Michael lohr
Bennett, of Cobb, and Miss Julia
Higgins, of Mineral Point.
MIR, Bennett is y young man most
highly esteemed in Iowa county; a
man of sterling worth. He was farm
er, school teacher, and represented
his district in the state assembly. He
is AT present proprietor of large
hardware house at Cobb with pros
porous business. His name became
widely known through his connection
with the famous Bennett law.
Miss Higgins is y native of Mineral
Point, where She has grown to woman
hood. She is n modest and amiahlc
young lady, most highly respected in
the community. She is the daughter
of Mr., John Higgins, we'll known
retired farmer, and an honorable
veteran of the civil war.
May happiness accompany this
young couple during their married
life
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
Holiday Books.

Within the next few days will be
brought to the doors of our people,
by one of their own young ladies,
some beautiful Holiday books, gotten
up by the American Book and Bible
House, at Philadelphia. The Books
are entirely new in every particular:
not in the least like those offered last
year, and the seller YOU know, and
will be glad to give your orders for
christmas literature to her. we are
sure. l3wl
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
.Ienck-PrOctOr.

Married. on Wednesday, Nov. 10,
at II o clock a. M, by Rev. T. Kent,
Miss Jennie Proctor to Mr.. w. j.
Jeuck.
The wedding was quiet one, only
the immediate relatives Of bride and
groom being present.
At the close Of the ceremony and
when congratulations had been ten
dered, the company partook Of an
elegant wedding dinner.
The young couple are well and IA
yorably known, the bride being a
daughter Of Mrs. John Proctor, and
the groom the eldest son OF Capt.
and Mrs. George Jeuck. A host OF
friends wish them dell through life's
Journey.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
Tailor-madc Clothes at Ready
made Clothing Prices.

! have accepted the agency of the
Garden City Wholesale Tailoring
Co., of Chicago, and am prepared to
sell suits and overcoats, made to
order from $500 up; pants 81. 50.
This will enable every man to wear
made-to- order clothes. am also
prepared, to make up ladies Jackets,
Cloaks etc. ADAM DRESEN.
Over Bishops Furniture store.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
[coMowyNSt0rs
S4---.'.------51
LUDDEN s. Co.
MINERAL POINT. Wis.
LOCAL NEWS ITEMS.

The Monroe Gazatte says that
another freight crew has been added
ON the Mineral Point division of the
ST. Paul road. On this division
there has been Il series OF heavy
stock shipments and the freight busi-
ness on this part of the road equals
that of 1890.
Miss Mae Louise Putfer, daughter
of Mrs Z. w. Putfer of Monroe, was
on Wednesday, Nov. 3, married to
Mr.. Jay Clinton Hood, also of that
city.
Mr.. and Mrs. David Clark and
daughter are here from Preemption.
Ill. for a visit with Mrs. Clark 5
mother, Mrs. Francis Little.
S. +. Shepard made a business trip
to Chicago this week.
Willie Little is spending few days
with friends in Chicago.
Ben Goldsworthy (formely of Min
eral Point recently refused s., 900 aud
pacing horse called Jack Knife
for his seven year old Black Jumpo.
SO says the Chicago Gazette. Black
Jumbo is q Membrino Swigert PAGER,
and was raised by Alois Schaumberg
who sold him to his present owner,
Ben Goldsworthy. He was bought
for small sum but has turned out a
fine horse with record Of 2:23, with
prospects of lowering il still further.
John Robinson who was shot by a
burglar in Darlington. Oct, -. died
on Friday morning, Nov, ), and the
funeral took place ON Sunday. under
the direction of Independent Order Of
Odd Fellows, OF which deceased was
an honored member.
The initial party Of the New Leaf
Club was given at opera hall last
Tuesday night. 1t was we'll attended
by young people of the city and
proved a pleasant affair.
Rev. r. Titmarsh and wife, OF
Dodgeville, made a pleasant visit
among friends here Wednesday.
Miles Thomas, accompanied by his
friend and classmate, Mr.. Campbell
came over from Platteville on Friday
evening and spent Saturday and sun
day in Mineral Point.
Rev. NJ. Chase, rector of Trinity
Episcopal church Of this city, has
been appointed Dean of the Madison
Convocation, to succeed Rev. Dean
Royce, late rector of St. Paul S
church, Beloit. The honor has been
wisely and we'll conferred. The ap-
pointment shows that the recipient is
held in the highest regard, not only
by Bishop Nicholson, but by all the
clergymen OF the Episcopal diocese OF
Milwaukee, with whom he has been
associated for the past fifteen years.
Miss Evaline Ralph of this city has
gone to Chicago for an extended visit
with her nephew, Mr.. Harry Hirsch
Her many friends were sorry to have
her go: but we know she will make
many friends in the city and hope she
may have most delightful visit.
Subject at the city hall, Mineral
Point, next Sunday, at three O'Clock
in the afternoon: THE doctrines OF
Christ that astonished the people. Z
Text: He that hath my word let him
speak my word faithfully: what is the
chaff to the wheat saith the Lord. -
Jeremiah, %: ..
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11

You have looked into beautiful
face, seen the sweet smile, rosy checks,
aughing eyes, and wished nature had
made you more attractive. Take
Rocky Mountain Tea, Nature beauti-
fer. 1t does the business. Sold by
Eastman & Meserole.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
MISS AGNES l.. STRONG,

Teacher of Vocal and Instrumental
Music, Individually on i'll Classes.
Systematic voice training given ac-
cording to the Italian method, by
which the best results in artistic sing
ing are secured.
Voices tried free of charge.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
improvements at the Economy Store

THIVTUNVIHVHVS HT THV TVUTUTT! sV0TV'
+. G. Ludden has just placed in the
southeast corner of his Economy store
additional shelving for his large stock
OF shoes; also bicycle ladder. which
runs the entire length of the shelving,
and makes it much more convenient TO
handle the goods.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11

\ healthly woman is u beautiful
woman. Beauty is a grand thing.
All women should possess it, Rocky
Mountain Tea brings it, For sale by
Eastman and McScrolr.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11

The plattevillc News says: CUR
respected fcllow-townsman Edwin
Johnson, Sr., celebrated the S0th
anniversary OF his birthday Nov, 2nd,
MIR. Johnson is still hale and hearty
and it is the wish of his many friends
that he may enjoy many returns of the
Dn
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11

Hot or Cold, served AT all hours.
Everything in the marhct furnished
in It's season, at the Mineral Point
Bakery. Opposite post-oiliee.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
lost.

\ bunch of Vale and other steel
keys. Finder please leave at the
postOllice and receive reward.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1897-11-11
Leads All the Rest

Pillsbury's Best, Brewer & pcnhallc-
gon sell this brand of -four, ut their
New Palace Cash Grocery store.