The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1897-07-29

lOSl stay IOSl forever lldu nave IL IOuuu Dy
a methodical man. Atchison Globe.
Blobbs. Are you out on your bicycle
much?
slobbs About $40 for repairs [Phila-
delphia Record.
George l just saw you coming from
the conservatory with Miss Goldie. Rather
handsome girl, but too reserved for me.
Thomas. Yes; I've Just reserved her
for life. Fun.
When the modern prodigal returns to
his home it is not the tatted calf he is
after-it is the golden calf. Truth.
"Wheres your husband? l never see
him now?'
"Oh, he home with the rheumatism. -
SIS he doing anything for it?'
~ es; limping." Yonkers Statesman.
Schoolmaster Ito new boy)-what is
your father by trade?
Boy (perplexed)-Must l tell?
Scboolmaster-Ye s, you must
Boy CATER a great deal Of hesitation)-
Please, sin, he's the bearded woman at
the circus. Tit Bits.
No man is so worthless that he cannot
get a good man to recommend him.
[Atchison Globe.
Jimmy Dragjeans-Aw, dat guy made
me tired fer he said he WIZ savin' his
money fer rainy day.
Casey de kidder-Yes, an den it will
be too wet ter burn it. [Pittsburg News.
"Well, Mr. Fostley, did you revenge
yourself on Algy since that quarrel you
had with him?''
Yes, indeed l ordered my man to be
rude to his man when he meets him
London Punch.
Fussy people usually try to keep every
thing in its place except their tempers.
Truth.
Proprietor of restaurant shall give
you in charge. You come in here and eat
and drink the best of everything, and
then tell me you have no money. How is
that?
Customer-Well, you see, l had to tip
the waiter. Pick Me Up.
81 m going to be a contortionist when
| grow up" said little Johnnie, proudly;
81 m training now, so | want you to tell
me what is the best thing for me to eat. y
"Green apples, my boy" chuckled the
old man, Demorest's Magazine.
Tailor Did that man buy one of our
tuncalled- for suits?
Clerk. No; we're out of them.
Tailor. Well, have some more made up
at once. Don't let the stock run down
again this way. Chicago Record.
lantern.
'Why do you carry that lantern?" in
quired the king.
market" quotb Diogenes, land up to the
present date each man l have met has
recommended different one" Wash
ington Capital.
She. Is the bicycle taking the place of
the horse in Paris?
He. No, indeed! there ism t any old
bicycle that was ever made that is good
enough to eat. Yonkers Statesman
his late wife's sister.
Jumpuppe. Yes. He was very good
to his wife, and her folks feel that they
can't afford to let good husband pass
out of the family. Truth.
''There are circumstances, he said,
savagely, ''where homicide is perfectly
justiiable, whether in self-defence or
not
''What's the matter now?' inquired a
sympathetic friend
81 saw an advertisement the other day
in an eastern paper offering for a dollar
to send full directions for preventing
trousers from bagging at the knees
"Wello''
II sent the dollar, and the advertiser
wrote: Better wear bicycle knickerbock-
ers. " Chicago Times Herald.
"What is the difference between an
alias and an incognito?' asked the ex-
aminer
"About the same as the difference be-
tween kleptomania and theft,' said the
student Typographical Journal.
81 dreamed last night said the tour
Isl, tIdl udtt lOulu SAO Dlll.
'Gee. III bet you was happy" said
the wanderer.
''No, l wasn't walked up before 1
could buy a drink" Typographical
Journal.
Mr.. Slimpurse (who has been accepted
by Miss Wealthy, without inquiries as to
his financial standing)-I wonder, my
darling, if your parents will give their
consent?
Miss Wealthy (thoughtfully)-Ma has
always been very particular about the
moral character of young men associate
with, and I'm afraid shell ask a good
many questions.
Mr.. Slimpurse Goyfully)-Oh! l can get
references from half a dozen ministers.
Miss Wealthy (delighted) -That' splen-
did! Then, after that, all you'll have to
do will be to get references from half a
dozen bankers, and you'll catch pa. New
York Weekly.