Evening star., 1897-06-15
SOME LIES ABOUT KANSAS
People Of the Sunhovsr State Say That Some
Of Them Are Exaggerated.
Others Are Asserted to BE Even
Made Out of Whole
Cloth, .
From the Kansas City Journal.


Kansas is more sinner against than SIN
ming: likewise more lied against than lying.
This holds good in everything except poll
tics. No story has yet been told depicting
the frightful condition of Kansas politics
that exaggerates 1t In the least. But. for
instance: If one Of the gentle zephyrs of
Kansas becomes aggravated and gets an
extraordinary move itself for brief
period *. nsas had a cyclone, destroying
life and property galore::" If a hot wind
strikes one corner of a township in a coun-
ty In one corner of the state the crops of
the entire state have been destroyed by
hot WINDS" IL the rivers are the least bit
swollen. western Kansas is inundated;" II
the western part of the state lacks some
moisture, ut is so dry all over the state
that you have to run your well through a
wringer to get enough water to cook with"
II the state Is favored with an average crop
or better. I'VE have raised enough to feed
the world" il the crops fall below the aver
age. the people are on the verge of star
yation."
And SO it goes; Kansas always has trou-
BILE.
No one more fully appreciates that such
stories are accepted by many strangers as
virtually truthful incidents of life in the
sunfiower state than Mr.. f. D. Coburn sec
retary of her department of agriculture,
who has for years been making a collection
of such as seemed to best illustrate the
type OF joke always in order when Kansas
Is mentioned. 1t requires two large envel-
opes to hold them. and samples of the
truly artistic in lie-making he rates the
following among the highest:
Here is an example of what a Kansas
tornado can do. or what a Kansas liar can
do. when forced to it: A farmer had a large
crib filed with ear corn, and there was a
knothole in the south end Of the crib. 1t
was struck by a tornado and ii is claimed
that the suction was great that cob after
cob was drawn through the hole and the
farmer was left with crib of sheled corn.
Several stories which the reader or
cannot believe, just he sees fit, We're
started after the Seneca tornado, two years
ago, had violated the state law in reference
to the malicious destruction of property and
departed for parts unknown. Probably the
best one was this: A man was riding along
on horseback with jug of whisky tied
with a strap to the saddle horn. After the
blow had ceased the jug handle was found
inside the jug and the strap was sticking
out of the nozzle. the jug having been
blown inside out without spilling drop of
liquor.
During this same blow goat happened to
get in the road and had his hair blown of
leaving his hide as clean a skinned
banana The animal looked much like
a Mexican dog with horns that he was
placed on exhibition.
Another caper which this tornado cut
was to blow the side whisiSers off travel
ing man and plant them on the side of a
grow.
Here is another pretty fair one: A
farmer was plowing around an oblong
patch of ground one day, and at night the
tract of unplowed land still contained
about five acres. When he quit for the
day he left the pillow sticking in the fur
rows, as farmers often do The tornado
came along and caught the plow, taking
it around tie land until it was all
plowed
A Kansan abroad recently found a crowd
that did not seem to appreciate his con-
versation concerning the conspiracy of for
eign capitalists to comp Il the populist
farmers of Kansas to pay their honest
debts, so he pulled out his stock of tornado
stories, hoping to attract attention.
Il saw a cyclone once" said he, that
picked up straw stack and moved 1t q
mile and put it back, straw on straw. as
it was"
Two or three of the auditors yawned,
and the Kansas man tried 1t again.
Another time" said he Il saw twiSter
suck sixty gallons of molasses out of
barrel in front of a grocery store and dis
tribute it to every family in town who had
bucket out on the back step for the milk
man.
He cleared his throat and began again:
Back in the seventies We had a terrible
cyclone in western Kansas. 1t blew the
cracks out of the fences, pulled a cistern
out Of the ground, moved a township line
and changed the day of the week"
This last fusilade induced one of the
know much about cyclones, but once when
1 was at sea l saw waterspout pick up
tons and tons of water and carry it mile
and
Hold on" cried the Kansan; IF you are
going to degrade the conversation to the
level of a common lying contest 1 will re-
tire" And he got up and walked away
pompousy.
Another man with an unblushing face
told this story and expected people to be-
lieve it:
Il was out in Kansas last summer and
the first cyclone of course 1 went down in
the cellar. like other folks. The house was
soon blown away. The next thing knew
the cellar went. too, rolling over and over
like silk hat. 1 was soon spilled out.
With infinite labor l crawled back in the
teeth of the wind. intending to take refuge
In the hole the cellar came out of. To my
CONSERVATION. found that that had blown
away also.''
prominent Kansan is accredited with
telling this:
Tell you what's a fact. 1 have known |
1t to blow twelve days and nights on a |
stretch, and hold sheep up against the |
side of barn until it starved to DEATH"
Probably the story which better Illus
trates the position of the populist farmer
in Kansas than any told in recent years is
this:
Kansas Man (visiting in the east-"Yes.
Sir, Kansas is the country for the farmers.
- - -. . . q . .