davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

Understood the Case.

Mrs. Lakeside-I wish to get a di-
vorce from my husband for outrageous
cruelty, inhumanity, brutality, non
support.
Chicago Lawyer-I must have $50
retaining fee first, madam.
"But I haven't got it. I spent the
last 500 my husband gave me for this
bonnet this very morning"
won't he give you any more?"
"Not for several days anyhow"
well, perhaps the gentleman you
wish to marry will lend it to you."-
New York Weekly.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

Senator Platt of Connecticut, a
single standard man says upon the
hopes of currency legislation by the
coming session of congress:
Effective Legislation by congress
upon the currency bill is rendered
impracticabIe by the lack of a ma
iority in the senate. Therefore it
would be a waste of time for me to
discuss what policy might be OF
should be pursued upon the curren,
cy question.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
HIS ONE BET.
It Seemed Fair. but the Other Fellow wss
Fooled.

It Seemed Fair. but the Other Fellow WIS.,
Fooled.
Il never made but oyes bet in NV
life, and l VOL. that" said a newspaper
man as they began talking about bets.
You see, it was this way" he went
on | was in college, and a member
of my class came in to call on me and
my roommate. In the course of the talk
| offered to bet our visitor a box of
cigars that he was the biggest fool in
the class, and / agreed to leave it to
any three members Of it we would Sc
lect. He consented. l chose myself as
one arbitrator. He demurred, but az
sented when I limited that there was
nothing to prevent his choosing himself
for his representative, and then we two
could choose a third. 1t was a rather
roundabout way of choosing a single
arbitrator, but it was necessary to work
out the job my chum and / had put up
On him. 1t was then suggested that
we couldn't do any better than choose
my chum as the third man. He was a
good judge Of fools or wise men, I ar
gued. and would be as likely to be as
fair as anybody. Our caller finally as
scented. We then proceeded to make our
arguments. He called attention to vari-
ous incidents in my college career to
prove that / was at any rate a bigger
fool than he was and that consequently
he could not be the biggest fool in the
class, and that was all he was called
upon to prove.
"When it came my turn, 1 made
short work of it by remarking that if
he won the bet my chum would not
have an opportunity to smoke many Of
the cigars, whereas if / won the box
would stand where he could have ao-
cess to it as long as the cigars lasted,
and that a man who did not foresee
such a position and argument in my
favor in c~onsenting to leave the matter
to my chum must be the biggest foo,
not only in the class but In the whole
college. OF course we got the cigars
and the loser acknowledged the justice
of the decision. "-Chioago Times-Her
aid
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
FISH YARNS.

1t is as hard for some men to stop fish
ing as it Is for others TO stop drinking
Atchison Globe.
Fishermen who take their bait in a jug
may be induced to take out new rods, but
they will come back with the same old
reels.-New Orleans Picayune.
Things will have come to such a pass by
and by that a man will have to show a
civil service certificate before he can tell a
fish story.-Forest and Stream.
The report that the state fisheries, game
and forest commission planted 2l9, 144, az
fishes last year sounds like a pretty big
fish story, but wait until fishermen come in
later and hear their stories. Buffalo News.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
A CURE FOR JIMJAMS.

Mr.. Frank Linden, the Monte
Cristo of the Sutton stock company
is literary light of no mean magni-
tude. He writes many plays, and
advances many new ideas of theat-
rical expression and general stage
effect to show him a natural actor.
In conversation he is scintillating
and witty and appreciates the com
pany of those who glisten with the
same literary and intellectual reful-
gence. Probably for this reason he
liked the company of the editor of
this paper; although our Astounding
modesty forbids us to suggest such
a reason.
But, we found great pleasure and
profit by his company while he was
in Neihart, and he told us more in
an hour than we knew in any previ-
Gus year, Among the sacred paons
quoted in our hearing was the fam
Gus, antiquated "Jabberwock" song,
which we never before heard correct
ly, although for the delectation Of
our readers, or to establish some GER.
tain political theorem, we have occa.
sionally quoted, or misquoted, {
stanza or two of its inspiring rhapso'
dy. Its authorship is lost in antiqui
ty, and its finer shade of meaning i.
shrouded in mystery. 1t is supposed
to be the composition of gypsy rune
singers of the dark ages, and is pro
badly as old as the English language
Actually, however, it sounds like the
gibbcrish production Of some tongue
tied muse worshiper, who was labor
ing under the stress of intense sobri
ETY., who had lately quit drinking, i
a measure, and commenced DRAWN,
it from the bung. 1t ought to b
an awful warning to those who no,
tremble on the border of jim lamdon
Here is the real thing.
Twas brillig; and the slithy tooves
Did eyre and gimble in the wabe;
All meemsey were the borough gOove
Their mcmsey wrath outrabe.
Beware the ja~bberwock, my son.
The teeth that rend, the claws thu
catch.
Beware the jubjuh bird, and shun
The numerous b~andersnatch.
He took his vorpel blade is hand
Cong time the manXious foe he sough
Then rested he meath the tumtum tire
And stood awhile in thought.
And rs in uflish thought he stood,
The jabberwock with eyes atlame
Came whiting thro' the tulgy WOO
And burbled as he came.
One, two; one, two; and thro' and thr
His vorpcl blade went snickersnack.
He left him dead, and with the head
He went go lumphing back.
And hast thou slain the j~abberwockt
Come to my arms my beamish boy.
o, fraberous day! Kaloo. Kalaa.
He chortled in his JOY.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

The editor of the Townsend Mess
enger is eating fresh-ripe, second
crop strawberries, while the editor
of the great family educator has al
ready entered a winter of discomfort,
hap-iacks and bacon rinds. O, for
a taste OF life in that elysian field
where the joys and sorrows of eartl
will be dealt out proportionately.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

This week the Northwestern nat
ional bank received the checks
which will enable it at once to
declare a dividend of Is per cent.
That makes a total dividend of rs
per cent and.it is thought hat all
claims will be paid in full.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
Not In Time.

Myrtle-They say that you made a
regular fool of Algy Persons at the
islands last week.
Maud-No. they are wrong. l might
have done it but for one thing.
Myrtle-What vas that?
Enthusiastically had finished the
job before l got hold of him.-Cleve-
land Leader.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
Just What She Said.

It is not always wise to dispute
people, even when their assertions
seem absolutely mistaken. The Pitts
burg Christian Advocate gives this
story Of a census takers error:
Mrs. Pilgrim-Now, these boys
r sisters.
The Census Taker-No, you mean
brothers.
Mrs. Pilgrim-No, sir. l mean
just what I say. They r my sisters.
She lives next door in the red house.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
Discouraging.

cts jes' my luck" said Farmer
Corntossel gloomily. "I'm the wust
guesser a-goin. The only sure way fur
a mar to git along is ter make up his
mind what he's a-goin ter do an keep
doin jes' that"
"Have you had bad luck?"
"Nothin else. Last year l raised
wheat when l orter hev tuck in sum.
mer boarders. This year I tuck in sum-
mer boarders when I orter hev raised
wheat. "-Washington Evening Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
Porter and Mark Twain.

General Porter tells a story of his
farewell to Mark Twain once when
Mark was going away. II said: Good
by, Mark. May God be with you al
ways He d~rawlingly replied, 'I-hope
Observation-Disclosures, too, that
he may find some leisure-moments-
to - take - care - o -you. "-Argo-
naut.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

Anent the conference of cotton
manufacturers in Fall River, Mass,
it seems that the time is almost ripe
for the passage of Il national eight,
hour law. When half the people
work 10, IL and IA hours, and the
other half remain idle the eight hour
system finds an argument in cold
facts which is insurmountable.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
Wouldn't Touch Him.

why don't you go in bathing, Mr..
Softly?" she asked.
"A man eating shark has been seen
near here" he replied.
"Man eatingl' she repeated. "Oh,
we'll, he wouldn't touch you then. -
Chicago Post.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
A Beautiful Sight.

Galton-The Rev. Thomas Dixon Of
New York says the most beautiful sight
in the world is a beautiful woman upon
a beautiful horse.
Jastrow--He has probably never held
a royal flush. cleveland Leader.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
The Impediment.

She-I think Mr.. Stone is just too
mean and stingy for anything. He just
won't buy his wife a wheel.
He-You misjudge him. my love.
He'd be perfectly willing to buy it.
only he's too fat to teach her to ride
and too jealous to want any Il else to
act as her instructor. Brooklyn Life.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
The Boston Cook.

Mistress-When you came here a few
days ago, you said your name was Ma
ry. Now l find in your book that it is
Kittie.
Cook-Oh, madam, that's all rigid.
Mary is my Observation-Disclosures.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13
The Absentminded Professor.

Do you know. my dear, / was 80 busy
remembering what you asked me to buy
you, that l forgot to stop and get it.
New York Truth.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

"Our j~anitor was sick all summer.
"What was the matter?'
sit Frustrated him to see us getting
all the hot air we wanted without ap-
pealing to him. "-Chicago Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

First Traveler-I'm an American.
Second Do.-And l, sir, am a Greater
New Yorker. - Philadelphia North
American.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-11-13

Ohio Legislature stands rs repub.
%licans, 70 democrats on joint ballot.
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
GERMAN CABINET CHANGES.
MIGUEL Will Succeed Won Boetticher
as President of Council.

Berlin, June 26.-ln government, parma
mentary and press circles the CONVICTION
continues that cabinet changes are impehd-
Ing exactly as cablod to the Assoclateu
Press, namely, that DR. Miguel. the minis
ter of finance, will succeed DR.. Won Boel-
tichor as vice president of the council oI
ministers and imperial secretary OF state
for the interior with increased prerogatives
and functions. not only in the Prussian' put
in the imperial cabinet.
Prince Hohenlohe will retain the cnahcei-
lorship although he is anxious 10 rctie
to private life. Dr. Miguel taking most
of the burden OF the office upon himself
Or. Miqucrs sphere of duty VIII also De-
enlarged by creating for him the ONCE Oh
the chancellor of the eXchequer.
Baron Marschall Won Bicberstein the
minister for foreign affairs, will remain III
office a little while longer, ii being under
stood that his portfolio has been offered 10
Count Won Gutenberg, the German am
bassador to Vienna. and to Count Won WI
dcnberg. the German ambassador at Lon
don, and that they have both declined.
Now 1t is asserted that Herr Won BuloW
succeeds Baron Marschall Won Blehefstelh
and that Or. Won Boetticher, refusing an
other government appointment, is neSot-
ating for the position of one of the largest
banks at three times his present salary
just as Herr Bocdiker, who a Few days ago
resigned the presidency of the imperial III
surance institutions becomes chiei OF Herr
Krupps private laborcr5' insurance lnstltu-
ton at four times the salary he was get
ting.
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
AFRAID OF AMERICAN WHEELS
German Manufacturers Desire Heavy
Tmnort Tax.

Washington. June 27.-Charics II" Nay
I-uft,d states corsul general az h'thh' 4'
=. ,.-,..tr, 10 the state department. caiis ~
,.tsttom L. tie fact that German bl's'ie
makers are deeply concerned at the no"
very large and grow.nE competition 81
American machines
-Il... I.,.ri,. If iudastvials. at Hochum
an important nanufecturinE center. mas
t,k., nm thc matter and in q memorial 70
the German government. calls axe h'i"h To-
ti.. fact that this great industry Is Boa imlni-
,,.r,t t..-rsl aufr- 20 the rivalry of American
f,f..,...i. manufacturers. They complain that
tho United states lcvias duty on foreign
made. wheels 81 about sli@, while the Ger
?, an duty hsiua. only Sasl on lto Kilograms,
only from Il to IS cents dU,y fails on the
American wheels gu these and other
Grounds The a.d 90 the German government
is asked oa hehalf col thc home industry.
TN. consul general in his report says I
is not because .hc American wheels are
.f f.reirn make THAT :hcy sell $50 rapidly ~
Germany. but because they are the strong
,.t lightcSt -tunatFt and most elegant IN
shane. They nave quite taken the field. hc
SAYS from Belgian, Austrian and hrlilsn
wheels. tie .4lso expresses the opinion titfl
l0rs.- concessions could he made y lih sale
g. a. Ia. Germans lu thn way "l lower
..r5st.4 it..au-.. fb, German puric !S now
- uau convinced 70 the superiority oi the
American wheels Ihat we viii continue 10
fuIf tus. market $50 Ions as thls hEh at'tha-
ard IS mss. g.. lata-
C.,su. Monaghan. a Chomnitz. S3xony.
In q report o. the state department also
calls attention fn the effort fhat IS Do inE
made by German bicycle makers Jog tnat
tr.aN .rer fu secure higher unflrS en AMER
fr.su vsh.. .l- To this END the huud 81 Ger
man industrial IS fiav. pnftfuusd tht foreign
Office ou -h~ subject asking Tor mne"l-te
rel..f from th- threatened danger
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
BOAT ON FIRE IN MID-oCEAN
City OF Rome Saved from Destruction
by Hard Work.

New York. June 21--The Anchor line
steamer City OF Rome arrived today from
Glasgow. after thrilling experience win
FIRE on board ship. Captain Hugh Young
reports that the steamer sailed on juno
18Th with fifty-six saloon. ninety second
cabin and one hurdrld and fifty steeragc
passengers and a cargo OF general mer-
chandisc.
on Saturday ut 200 p. IN. in latitude
~ longitude e3.29 the bridge officer dc
tected smoke issuing from No. hold, I'M
m.diately forward. Dense volumes of
smoke soon began 20 ascend. The fire
alarm was quickly sounded and the ship
crew beat to quarters. Meanwhile an Of
fcer was detailed TO notify the passengers,
vino were calmly sitting or promonadins
the decks The ships IRE Grew promptly
responded and ia a few minutes hose w"r"
stretched along the deck from thc engine
room 10 the hold where the flre was thea
raging. Steam and water Were turned
on into the burning compartment and at
D. m. the fire was under control Fur
Their precautions were then taken 10 pre-
vent a possible outbreak and spread OF
tho fire to the adjoining compartment.
Another detachment Of tie crew was
ordered 90 Staud by in case OF cin' fE"hcA
ard str.ams OF water were kept const 1ntly
1sourlnEf into thc burning compartment
ard on the main deck in the immediate
vicinity 81 The fire The cargo .h Ia"
burning hold consisted chiefly OF Ju'e
goods. and will probably De- "a total loss.
Th. cause OF the fire is supposed 90 have
been spontaneous combustion. ihe
amount OF damage cannot be ascertain'd
untI th,. steamers matches are taken on
and the cargo discharEr,i-
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
EXPECT TO FINISH TARIFF BILL
Republican Managers Think Senate
Will Finish 1t This Month.

Washington June 26.-The republican tar
If managers are very hopeful of being
able to complete the consideration of the
tariff bill I'm the senate by next Wednes-
day night. a result which would bring the
end in the senate within the present month.
They are led 10 this conclusion because
the republicans have adjusted most of
their difficulties and see their way clear To
the settlement of others.
Ihe democratic leaders do not concede
the possibility of So early a conclusion.
They generally place it a week further
on. or about 9Th or Sth of July. but admit
that the end may come toy Saturday OF
next week.
The expectation Is that the bill will not
be long in conference. The house conferees
have been in touch with the senate man
ayers from the beginning of the considera-
ton of the bill in the senate. and have
already. y Is stated. practically concurred
IN many of the changes which have been
made. Both the senate and house mama
gers will agree upon the necessity for as
early an agreement as possible and work
ing in this spirit they VIII not split hairs.
senator Aldrich is expected 10 return in
time TO act with the senator's in the con-
fereTcc. lie is looked for on Sunday.
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
Wants Spain To Be Energetic.
Madrid. June 2G-Don Francisco Silvela,
INSURGENTS USE MACHETEs.
Stage Coach Attacked and Thirty Per-
sons Killed

Havana. win Key West June PA stage
coach from Havana for san Jose d. Las
Lo5ls. a nearby settlement. was stopped
on the road by Il large band of inSurscats,
who killed with their m1Chotes cightccn
scouts cscortinE the coach. six guerrillas.
one Spanish officer. a doctor. a carpenter
ana three other passengers who attempted
to save thclr lives by hght.
THE only occupants OF The coach who
were not killed BY the insurgents We're a
woman ana CHILD. who were among the
passengers. The bodies of tnc persons
slain were stripped of their clothing ana
left lying aloursid. the road
Thc Insurgents captured a considerable
amount OF booty-$l.7C0 worth of medicine
ana $1,000 In cash. They also secured two
ears laden with provisions and supplies.
Captain General Wcylvr has liberated
fourteen women and fifteen children WHO
were taken prisoners iu am insurgeut camp.
The town OF Las BOcas has been raidcd
by insurgents who sacked "A number of
stores in the town. 4 hot fire from the
fort and the arrival of rcinforcements
compelled the raiders to retire from the
town. According 70 the latest informatio
regarding the last engagement in the Can
dciaria hills. which is wired direct from
AIadruga. the Spanish troops failed 10
capture the positions of the insurgents on
tho mountain heights. According TO this
dispatch the Spanish lost eighty-tnrec rnen
all told. The Insurgents brieadicr general
Mariana Torres, az the head of 100 men, at
midnight last night looted the town OF
Santa Rosa. three miles across the bay
from GIDara
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
Yale,s freshmen Win the Race.

Poughkgepsic. y. Y. June 23.-Three
crews Of freshmen on the hudson this even
inc smashed 10 smitherecns all previous
records for freshmen on "a two-mile course,
and put mp one of the hottest iuter-colle-
giatc races ever witnessed in this country.
y crowd of sturdy Yale freshmen rowed
the two-mile course in $780, seconds; a
trif,e lighter crew Of Harvard freshmen
Tough: them every inch OF the way. and
finished q trine over two lengths behind
them I'm 9.2Cis. and the Cornell freshmen,
whose college record is that none of its
freshmen crews has ever been beaten be
fcrc. finished a length behind Harvard in
9.egla
The best previous record for two miles
was 9.fl. made 10y the Columbia freshmen
crew of 1891. at New London in 1891. While
the conditions here are better for fast
time than they are upon the Thames, and
while therefore. some allowance should
b. made for the much better exhibition
today. to5ay's race was very remarkable
one. all three of the crews having lowered
the record. the last crew in the race-Cor-
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
YOUNG LADY IS MISSING.
Went on q Visit TO Nashville and Can
not Be Found.

Columbia s. C.. Jun, @1.- tSpeciall-A
,-antIenan VINO haas . dau2hter attending
llue WeSt college. nUe West. = ~. tolls
, ver- distressing story ~ the abduction
AZ "a young la0y who haas hecn attendins
thst college with his daughter. Sli5s Ms
Cuiasfon. vi Arkansas, handsome Young
,ra.n ln ~ seventeen. was pupil at the
uue West Female gag ldemy last session
Wuen the term was drawing to - close, her
father wrote her to meet him in Nash
vile. al g certain hutei Sh" left bae West
after commencement, for Nashville. When
-h.- cot th.r- ehr found thHt she was
ahead of time ara that her father had not
arrived. she Thought she mad made nus
tst. Fl tho hotel and started "rt 20 look
f,r hiu, at th, other hotels Not finding hlm
sa. returned to where she FIRST stopped.
r-s. ne mru m.- hr~ who told h"r
trat he had s-,u l,r father ~ another
hotel aue 81 SD. would ra with him Dr.
v-..u.d t4l.e hc~ directly % hoy father. That
v-a- the fss; e.,a o~ heard of hor
Her flthrr caue twelve hours later eX-
peetiur 10 Had hi= dueuter awaitins him
~ th. lat,l. IIe wt- to'd ol her having
been ther.- ~ her hunt for him. and 90
Ter =. vlrg ti1. hotel with q etrtnea man.
The Atlanta constitution. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1885-19??, 1897-06-28
CONGRESSMAN Cook Dead.

Washington. june 2i.-An ar d eo1
pervaded the house today owing T. r.
death of Mr.. Cooke 90 Illinois. WHO a
suddenly az his hotel this morning
lie was very popular with h.s eetaae-'
and his untimely death Was a severe
To them.
The desk which he occupied oa -he r.
treme right of the hall. ives dr.f.l
mourning and covered with white E1
magnolia blossoms. The blind chap 81 q
his invocation referred feeilaEiv t' Ar
Cookies death as a great public calamity
Air. Foss. of Illinois. on behalf u tle
delegation. then announced th- sad nes
of the death of his colIcaGl- Afr Ca5s
He gave notice that at some future Tin
he would ask the house To pay rr.tme
the chair and public services 81 1.r. Coos.
The customary resolutions were at79.-'
and committee to attend the funeral Ta'
appointed. Then. as a further mark o.. II
spect TO the memory of the dsceas D III
horse adjourned until Monday