Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-05-29
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rarrlagcs Mabel--Think IL no panN
Cor IL. worry.--Harlem lAfe,
..Nt least. Chollle knows dow to d:ess.
His attire IL rich eat simple" 80 Il /
Chollie. "--lnaianapoiis Journal.
She-Dont you think IL is always DIFF.
hcult to tell a woman's age? He-She
always acts as II 1t was.-Richmond
Dispatch.
She-And there are never any pain.
full silences at a stag party. I supposed
He-Oh. no! silence isn't painful to Q
man.-Puck.
"You good.for. nothing loafer! Didn't
you tell me you were hard worker7"
"weli. II amt easy for me to work.
Detroit News.
Are you going abroad this SUMNER
II don't know. Papa is In Washington
seeing Mr.. Mckinley about I; now
Gle, Gland Plaincealer
"iow dreadful stout the general is
getting!' Yes: isn't 1t fortunate?
Otherwise he wouldn't be able to wear
all his edals."-Punch.
II can't see why they speak Of the
wisdom of the serpent" "well. you
never heard Of a serrcn; getting his
leg pulled. did you;"--Truth.
She--Do you think I woald marry q
man who has no moucvI ltc--Wcll
/ didn't know hut you wanted ~ get
married.-De,roit Free Ftcss.
Charley. why is that Miss silly nj.
ways dragging her poodle nround with
herr" "Becanse the pup can't break
the chain. Detroit Free Press.
BE your own judge. Chumley. but
can you show me one thing about Miss
Richly that makes her attrac;ivcy"
mo. It's in the bank."-De:roit Free
Press.
Don't cry" lie cn,ren,cd. Then he
perceived that her ha,,ikcrrhie: was
edged with the most exquisite lace.
"Don't weep" he said. correcting him.
SELF Detroit Journal.
"What beca. me az that Saniuels girl
tia, rottrrsby was tir,.ng with last
summer:'' "You mean tie girl that
Pottersby thought he was a!rting with?
She married him."-TitB.'s.
McGlnnIs--l can't understand why Il
10 that people Joke about sectors being
half starved. Swat:y-Why? McGin.
nis--Just think how many roasts they
get-Phila,ielphia North American.
II am going TO do something In the
literary line which will take better
than Scotch dialect" remarked Mr..
Trechant Penn. "Whnt Is it:" II am
going to write u story In baby talk
Baxar.
First Burgiar--T.Ortl. Bill! dis adver
tisement wouldn't foo! nobody. Sec
ond Burglar-Wot Is Il! FRS, Burgla,
Fifty dollars reward an no Iues
t.ous as.--s!gned by a woman.--Lcs!le's
Weekly.
Alethea-Won't Miss Iicnriques' III
cycle tea he uniIucy The illuminate;
IN to be wholly furnished by cycle
lamps. .Alberta-l wonder how SHE
will manage to keep them iigbted!-
Puck.
Con vivial-Doctor. my wife suffers
greatly from Insomnia. Physic!an-ln
somnia? How do you know? Con Wv
ial-Why. every time I come home a
2or s o'clock In the morning, ! always
ind her wide-awake!-Puck.
Mr.. Park Plaza-What hosp!tabl'
persons suburbanites are! They ar
always inviting q person out to sta!
over sunday. Mr.. Chilly tgrlmly)-
Yes: and then trying to sell their plac'
10 you before You leave for the city,
Puck.
Gibbs-HOw did Differs come to hi
you? SuOggs--Oh. II was all on &C
count OF trifiing difference OF Op!n
Ion between u.s. Gibbs-DiRerence o
opinion? snoggs-Yes: l thought b.
lied. ana he thought he dldn't.--Twip
kles.
Mrs. I.lttle,hot-How do YOU writ
yonr beautiful Scotch dialect stories
Mr.. Scrlbbler? Is II very hard: MI
ScrIbbler-NOt hard, but trying-al
you'ye 20, TO do IL TO stun hot pc
tato In your mouth and dictate to
fiye-dollar- q week stenOgrapher.
Puck.
A Painful "Algernon
dcar. how much did you pay tn
preacher who married us? ! want I
enter IL as the first item In our famil
expcnse book" Great Scott. Esmei
aida. supposed your father had sci
tied that.-Chicago Tribune.
"My dear, l am surprised that 20
should accuse me Of being intoNicate
last night. Did not sit up an hou
after ! is,t home, smoking ana read
iug:" asked he. Yes, and do you know
what you were smoking; 1t was on
OF my hair-curling kids."-Clnc!nna'
CONGRATULATIONS.
Breaiyieigh Miss Convent
I've enjoyed chatting with you 5
much. As rule | can never talk I
Young girls" She tvisibiy pleased
Why? DO you generally ind ,Eem TO
STUPID? He-Oh, no! On the contrar.
they are generally too intellectual.
And he wondered why her sXpressio
changed suddenly.-TOwn Topics.
Pete" said MeanderIng Mike, ID
bicycle Is a great ring" u don't Sc
whut It's done fur u.s." replied Pioddn
Pete. Its annihilated de aristocrac!
dat's whut it's done. Whenever W
gets hand-Out OF old clothes, they y
bicycle clothes, an when we goes n
ter make a call at farmhouse nobOi
can't tell from de looks Of us dat "
amt swells dat got lost on centur
run"
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