Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-06-24
NUMBER 5.
Raked Up His Latin.

A Western lawyer went into the
Planters cafe few days ago. He
had not always lived in the far West
and in his college days in the East
was well acquainted with the French
bills of fare of swell New York res
taurants. But out in his new home
he had forgotten about soup au pot
gras and pOmme de terru la duch-
esse. The fact that he could not read
some of the deliCacies on the menu
eXasperated him, and he proceeded
to have fun with the waiter.
Nothing here that I'd care for"
said he to the claw hammered attcn-
dant.
We can serve you anything for
dinner, SIR" said the waiter, conf
dent that he could please his GUS
toner before he got through with
him.
Have you sine qua non 2"
The waiter stared.
NO.O-O, sir" he answered.
"What about bonmots? Have
you any?"
No, sir"
"Then let me have some nice ig-
mis- fatuus. That's good at this time
of the year"
| " We haven't got it.'
/" Bring me some tempus fugit
then"
"That's out, too, sir"
You must have pluribus
unum."
This time tho waiter looked bright.
"l'vo heard them speak about 1t in
the kitchen. I'll go and see"
He came back empty handed and
detected. We haven't got it," he
lstammered.
Strange that l can't get any of
these seasonable things. Try once
more and find out if they have pro
bono publico."
waiter almost crazy by this time.
Perhaps he can tell what you
J want"
him by the coattails.
All right" said he, "and i'm the
meantime bring me some roast beef
and fried potatoes"
1--WE have it ~ yelled tho waiter
in his delight at hearing of some
. thing that was obtaInable, and he
( flew off to the kitchen and came back
, with the beef and the potatoes and
The attorney and the hotel man
had good laugh at the expense of
the unfortunate waiter, who confi(led
} to the chef in the kitchen that he had
5 struck man who must have been
eating at Delmonico's all his life.
.------.s.-s
, jim DUNCAN COULD TALK.-The
crowd had been talking of eloquent
|
4 Cochran, Depew, Talmage and other
n notable orators had in turn been
q championed by their respective ad-
a mirers. The old cattleman had
been listened to it all, and when the
s talk tagged a little he asked if any
J. body present had ever heard Of Jim
q Duncan. Nobody had.
"I never heard any of the fellows
you mentioned," said the cattleman,
"but l wouldn't be afraid to back
J. Jim against any of 'em fer per.
u suadin' ways. Jim Duncan was q
Q talker. I'll tell you what he did one
70 time just as specimen. There was
ls fellow named Bob Harris moved
to Alliance-that was the name OF
a the town-and he had young wifi
u and seemed to be pretty we'll fixed
V, row. Some five or six Of us 90
together aud tried to figure il ou
* who was to break the news to hi
n wife. Squire Irwin, our Justice O
IL the peace, was the oldest one amon
us, and we wanted him to go, but h
said he'd rather face grizzly bea
III than to take such news as that to
woman. Finally we pitched on Jit
tn tNh
III 80 handy with his tongue, and Jir
el said he was willin' to do his hes
"s lie kind of run his fingers throug
his red hair, hitched up his craVa
GU and went into Mrs. Harris hous
while the rest of us waited at tt
We corner. In about 8 minutes he can
to the door and called Squire Irvi
ou in. We Flowed the widow must
, cuttin' up real sharp. In ten mi
',e utes more Jim came out to us.
W How'd she stand it, Jim?' v
we asked.
Il guess it's pretty we'll smooth,
ia. ia. oVer,' says Jim, 'and Mrs Dune,
'eu and me would like all of you to cor
-, III and have some refreshments.'
l'e- jim Duncan shore had a d,
ou' suadin' tongue"
an
III A CLEVER -Alexand
the Bolles, one of the early itinera
me preachers who preached in thu
States among the Alleghany mot
az tains, was much tormented by I
nee influence Of one John Rogers, a J
seyman, who openly taught athei
hlte and the abolishment of marriage
On one occasion, while holding
, In meeting In the woods in Virginia
a. young man and woman pushed tn
way up to the stump which ser,
as pulpit. The man, interrupt
rse. the sermon, said defiantly
INK "'d like you to know that we
II OF Rogerines ~ The old man looI
On at him over his spectacles and wait
y OF ave don't believe in no God!
that in marriage! This is my wife,
l to cause | choose her to be but
ne II have no preacher nor squire m
din with us -
do you mean to tell me,n tn
lte dered Father Boiles, "that YOU h
OK taken this pirl hopna 90 Won. an; o.