Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1897-08-12

and the relations between him and the
examiner had become somewhat strain
ed. The latter asked him IL there were
any text In the whole Bible he could
quote. He pondered. and then repeat
ed: and Judas went out and hanged
himself" rs there any other verse
you know in the whole Bible?' the ex-
;,m;ner asked. YES" Go thou and
do likewise" There was solemn
pause, and the proceedings terminated.
A gentleman had left his corner seat
In an already crowded railway car to
go in search Of something to eat, leav-
ing a rug to reserve his seat. On re-
turning he found that. in spite of the
lug and the protests Of his fellow-pas
sengers. the seat had been usurped by
one in lady's garments. To his protes-
.ations her lofty reply was: do you
know, sir that I am one of the direc-
tors wives.' Madam" he replied,
were you the directors only wife.
should still protest"
David Hartley, member Of Parlia-
ment for Hull in 1879. was called 1.-The
linner-bell,' because his rising had a
SIMILAR effect in emptying the House.
One day, when he had wearied every
body out, he moved that the riot act
should be read, as a document to prove
some assertion. Burke, who had been
bursting with Impotence for hours,
bounced up. exclaiming: 1.-THE riot act,
my dear friend! to what purpose? Don't
you perceive that the mob has already
quietly dispersed?" But the sarcasm
was utterly thrown away.
There is a certain passage for the
double-basses in one of Beethoven's
scores which was at one time believed
to be almost impossible Of execution.
Habeneck once conducted perform
ance of this work in Paris, and gave
the passage In question to the 'cellos
'Berlioz, who was devout worshiper Of
Beethoven, met Habeneck soon after,
and asked him when he meant to give
the passage as Beethoven intended it to
lie given. "Never as long as l live"
said Habeneck. "Well. well wait" re-
piled Berlio2; don't let it be long"
when I was out Vest says bust
ness man quoted in Hardware, "a
young man registered at the hotel and
proceeded to make things lively. The
first night he played poker with the
landlord and cleaned him out: the next
night he came home drunk and whipped
The cabman; the third night he went
up and down the halls singing at the
top Of his voice and daring the cham
Oermaids to come out and embrace him.
In the morning they asked for the key
of his room and gave him his bill. He
looked it over, and then said, with sur
lrised pathos, Don't you make any
discount to Minister'S"
In the Court of Sessions, in Scot
land, the judges who do not attend, or
give a proper excuse for their absence,
IRE, by law, liable to fine. This law.
however, is never enforced: but it is
common, on the first day Of the ses-
sion, for the absentee to send an excuse
to the lord president. Lord Stonefield
having sent such an excuse, on the
president mentioning it. the late Lord
Justice Clerk Braxfeld said, in his
broad dialect: What excuse can a
stout fellow like him ha'e?" my lord"
said the president, ''he has lost his
wife" The justice, who was fitted with
n Xantippe, replied: HAS he? That
is a guide excuse indeed; wish we had
a. the same"
In the daily dry-as-dust of the Fair
will case, there Is little of humor, des-
site the desperate exertions of the pen
ny-liners to make 1t seem so. But over
the desert ways Of witnesses and testi-
mosly there flashed. the other day. some
legal lightning which was not unamus-
ing. Attorney Wheeler was objecting.
Attorney Wheeler generally is. ''rhe
whole mise-en-scene in Mr.. Wheeler's
office is unnecessary" said Mitchell;
Il move to strike out that mise-en-
scene" what is that:' said Attorney
Delmas. with an air Of extreme curios-
;ty. French" replied Attorney Mitch
ell; II thought you were familiar with
the language" II am" replied Attor-
rev Delmas; 'it was the pronunciation
l was not familiar with
Brahms was a hearty eater. and par
t;cularly fond Of Italian cookery. One
day he and DR. Billroth, the eminent
Austrian surgeon, visited Herr Wich-
mann In Rome and were invited to a
breakfast ALA romano. The hosts cook,
Mora, did her prettiest, and the wine
supplemented her efforts. That's the
wine that Horace drank. said DIR. Bill
roth, enthusiastically. Brahms
thoughts were on the viands he had
just enjoyed. In jovial humor he rails
cd the question whether it was not his
duty to take back with him to Germany
a wife who could provide so admirable
a meal as Mora. Finally Wichmann,
with mock seriousness, presented him
self to Mora as sutton for her hand in
behalf Of a great German artist. ''More-
over. he is musician" lie explained,
and you surely are fond Of music. for
you sing about the house all day. What
say you?' Morals answer was classic.
She looked at Wichmann, then at
Brahms from ton to toe. and. with an