Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1897-09-09

Mamma, If | am good will 20 to
heaven" Mamma: "Yes. dear"
How'll get back"-Cincinnati Com
mercial-Tribune.
Waiter, it is almost half an hour
since ordered that turtle som"
Waiter: Sorry, sir, but you know how
SLOW turtles are."-Tid- Bits.
Greeble rs that your baby?" Craw.
don; NO, sir; the possession is on the
other side. He is not my baby; I'm his
tather."-Boston Transcript.
"Why did you manufacture this had
money! the magistrate said sternlv,
Cos | couldn't turn out no better" re-
pied the counterfeiter--Tit-
"She was born with silver spoon in
her mouth, and | suppose she's got to
De pfetLy. isn't there limit! What
II 1t was tablespoon Y'-Detroit Jour
nal -
Bacon: What do you suppose is the
meaning of this long rain?" Egbert:
"Oh, l think possibly it is out of com.
pliment to Queen Victoria. ."-Yonkers
Statesman.
MY darling, always feel like TAX
ing Off my shoes when enter your sa-
cred presence" well. | would rather
you did it now than after we are mar
ried." Life.
Fuddy: 81 never ride tandem wheel
unless | can have the rear saddle"
buddy: That's funny" Not at all.
don't care to have anybody talking
behind my back. Boston Transcript.
Fair poatess: Think, only think,
how many possibilities there are con-
tained in this dingy case of typew
Proofreader: "Yes, just so; especially
of typographical errors. rs."-Somerville
Journal
Doctor" asked the seeker after
knowledge of the clergyman, "why do
people get on their knees to pray in
stead of standingT' "They want to
save their soles," replied the clever
minister.-Harlem Life.
"Oh, mamma" the beautiful girl eX-
claimed, "he adores me so. and he is so
noble and handsome and" Yes.
my child And he brings such lovely
references from his last wife" detroit
journal.
The butler: Hand hevery night at
the hour of midnight the ghost hap
pears and groans and wrings its
hands" American tourist: "Ah! Must
have died in the cucumber season.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"They may say what they like
against him. said the convicted ones
defender, hut his heart is in the right
place" Yes" assented the other.
land so is the rest of him, for a few
years. indianapolis News.
encores are always much more enjoya
BILE than the regular Plumbers of the
programme" Mr.. TenspOt: 'Yes, it
is. wonder why they don't sing the
encores tirst."-Judge.
"There," said the man of schemes, ''is
a limit to the liberation of the public"
"And you found it?' "Yup. l met a
total frost. when | started out with a
lecture on How | Intend to Find the
North Pole. '"-IndianapOlis Journal.
Reporter; How many years have
you been in public life" Statesman:
"Twenty-four' Reporter: But your
biographer says twenty-eight.' States
man: He includes four years when
was vice president. New York Jour-
nal
"Oh, say, Proudly, was very sorry
to hear that you had lost all your
money" Lost all my money" snorted
Proudly, and he produced roll that
filled his fist. Let me take twenty till
tomorrow, old man."-Detroit Free
Press.
"When l grow up, nom, | want you
to make a minister out of me-" why,
Johnny. am glad that such is your
desire. | will speak to your father
about it." "Yes'h; want to go to Eu-
rope every summer. ."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
What did that man do to make him.
self so famous?' asked the altrurian,
gazing curiously on an individual who
formed the center of social group.
"To the best of my knowledge replied
the cynic, 'he did the public. Wash
ington Times.
The dentist: would you like your
teeth made with patent adhesive
springs? They hold each set perfectly
true" The humorist: Il don't know.
If doesn't seem quite right to mix up
the true with the false in that man
r."-Washingto Star.
He: 81 wonder why that young man