The Iola register., 1897-07-02
A MOHNING CALLER.

"A hOISNlNO OALLEhs
81 was a good bit drunk when l
struck town last Saturday" observed
Reddy, the Typographical Tourist, as
he drifted in the other day to shake
hands with his old pal, the Judge,
land | lOitered down to the depot
just as the train happened to come
in. l am so used to riding trains that
Ejust kind of naturally swung up on
to the top of a car, thinking to myself
that Frank Finch would be expect
ing me at the Chautauqua about this
time anyway And so L composed
myself to sleep, thinking to wake up
In little while in Ottawa. And the
next thing knew l was in Chanute,
which l had only left two hours be-
fore. 1t is playing little jokes like
that on myself that keeps me young.
A man that travels good deal in the
way do has queer experiences. For
example / was dropping down be-
tween couple of cars one night when
the train stopped, when by bad luck
my foot struck lady's head instead
of the platform rail. [ had on pair
of wrong font shoes you know and of
course they smashed the lady's hat
instanter, and she let out yell that
you would nave thought pack of
Comanche Indians were after her. 1
left in great hurry, for if the people
had caught me they would have muir
dered me. But talking about those
wrong font shoes, that was all owing
to the hard heart of jailer over here
in Missouri. 1t drives me to drink
to go into Missouri, and this time |
must have been more than usual loud
and boisterOus for they locked me up.
And the next morning they told me [
must go before the judge to answer
for high crimes and misdemeanOrs.
locked at myself and while l am not
overmuch finicky myself, yet l know
what is due to authority, and so L
said to myself, 'Reddy,' says L, You
are in no shape. to go before the court
in such clothes ss these. 1t would be
disgrace to the profession And so
l took them off and found some papers
and match and burned them. Well
not having my trunks with me, of
course, and not being exactly cut out
for blOemin' Venus, and being due
in court at nine o'clock, why the jail
er didn't see his way clear to carry
out the instructions without providing
me with a new suit, which he did all
right until he came to the shoes and
then he took it out on me by giving
me these wrong fonts, as you can see
for yourself" And he held out for
inspection two feet that were covered
with very much mismated shoes.
"There are three classes of papers l
won't work for" he resumed, "re-
ligious papers, temperance papers
and Pop. papers. They are all on the
bum. What like is man like YOe,
uOWu DIT luOOPCLUOhtO' NNOh OS HS
sees you come into the shop, turns
to his table and writes you out an
order. And he doesn't say Give
this tramp a meal He says please
entertain this gentleman" Make the
hotel man think you are gentleman!
Yes sir, fools him. I'm not tramp.
| work when l have to, and travel
because like to. L haven't got any
folks. Nobody's calling me but ihe
birds. Where do you think l slept
last night? Out there under one of
those trees. Slept like child till
seven O'Clock this morning. And L
didn't wake up in any dingy, stuffy
room either. Woke up in Gods tenn
pie, walls wider and pearlier than
any palace, ceiling higher than any
cathedral dome, birds singing sweet
er than any choir, trees and the grass
prettier picture than Rafael ever
painted. People that live in houses
don't know what they miss.
Make it quarter this time? Thanks.
Adios, hOmbre."