davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun., 1897-10-03

From the Buffalo Enquirer
1t was in negligence case recently. and q
good. d.humored Irishman witness.
The Judge. lawyers, and everybody else were
trying their best to extract from the Irishman
something about the speed of train.
WAS it going fast e. asked the Judge.
"Aw, yis, it WERE" answered the witness.
How fast T.
"Oh. purity fasht. your honor"
"Wcll how fast ."
Jaw, purity fasht."
"Was IL IA fast as man oan run r.
"Aw ys." glad that the basis for an analogy
was supplied. "As fasht as two min kin rum"
The sun., 1897-10-03
A Great Politician In Disguise.


From the Patty Enstern Argue.
Yesterday morning Special officer johnson Of
Fort Allen Park arrested a man for begging
food among the residents OF Munjoy Hill. The
man was taken to the police station, and
satchcl which he carried was found TO contain
several chicken sandwiches and a quantity of
French mustard.
Il do not want to be disturbed nc matter
how pressing business may be" explained tho
tramp when assigned to IA cell. Let me enjoy
the strictest quietncss, and don't call me until
court time in the morning..
The sun., 1897-10-03
Mistaken for the Lord.
From Hurper's Round Table.

From, Hdrper's Round Table.
Recently parachutist gave several exhibit
tions of his DARN. skill at Glasgow. One after
noon a strong wind carried his balloon rapidly
away. and it was some time before he could
make a descent. He touched mother earth at a
mcorland spot near farmhouse. and an old
man stood close by staring in blank amazement-
He had seen the gaudly dressed being drop down
from he clouds.
What place is this 7" asked the parachutist,
in anhuthorita'ivc tone.
The old man rcvcrcntly knclt down and Clasped
his hands together. nm his voice trembled with
fcrVcnt emotion as he answered:
GOOD Lord this is the parish o Carnwath"
The sun., 1897-10-03
Perfectly Competent 10 Travel.
From the Detroit Free rrcss.

From the DrtTof frct TrtsS.
He is a son to be proud of, and she a handsome
old lady with much sclf-rclancc. After weeks
of arrang, ment and discussion she was to visit
Il daughter in another state, making tho trip
alone. The son had protested against the v"n.
turc as more than she should undertake, hut his
solicitudo met with rather n chilly reception.
Don't treat me though were a child" OBJ
icctcd the old lady. Il travelled before you
were born, and have more confidence in myself
than would have in any one You might send
along. Ii not permitted to look after myself
would prefer to remain at home. I'll not g
about creating the impression that | require
guardian.
This cft no room for argument. and after Civ.
ing her careful instructions as 10 how she must
proceed from one end OF III" route TO the other.
the son SAID: Now mere is Nour TRANSPORTATION.
The conductor will tear of what is necessary.
and just n soon as you reach sisters put the
mileage that is left right into this envc.ope and
mail it to me. want TO use it as soon as it is
available.
The mother dcmnrrcd at such explicit instruc-
tions. She knew Just what was to hr done and
she would attend to il without the aid OF written
safe arrival being reported by the daughter. For
two weeks the son waited patiently for what
was left OF that mileage book and then wrote
Il told you." came the answer. THAT I
learned TO travel long before you did. II is well
that such is thc case. On the train met one Of
the most entertaining and helpful men ! ever
knew. He was of great assistance TO me. and
when he saw my transportation he told me ls
gently as possible that il would be worth moth.
ing 20 you after had used portion OF It. But
he is connected with the COMPANY and would
give me 80 for II. Or course ] thanked him
heartily and accept his generous offer. You
should know what yon are about hereafter. cs-
rccially when yon undertake to advise those
older than yourself.
mental profanity. He was out $40. with no
chance for &c ting even.
The sun., 1897-10-03
Expurgated Classics.

From the CIereldnd Plain Dealer.
MADAM, behold n scholar and a gentleman.
Tn the classics always carried Off all the honors
OF my class. In Cusar-"
"Are you familiar with Cesarr'
ultimately, ma am"
"Then il you viii cross the Rublcon into tho
back yard you will find the saw lying by the
woDrpi!e."
MADAM. my. CRsar is n revised version. I
give a new and improved reading of the familiar
text. When rea, h that epigrlmmatic passage
Il came. saw, ] conquered, invariably omit
the saw Good-day. ma am"
The sun., 1897-10-03
why she Disappointed Them.

From the Boston Traveller.
The President Of the Womans Advancement
Society was yisibly agitated. So was the Secre-
tary.
Mrs Nimhelung, who was to deliver the ad-
dress at to.day's meeting. cannot be present."
said the former.
why NOT 4" asked the latter
"Hcr hush nd has been seriously Ill for three
or four DAYS"
But a woman of her strength OF principle
won't neglect hor work in the great cause to
attend 10 The paltry needs Of an Northumberland
a male Individual at that T.
"Certainly not, but he writes her speeches"
The sun., 1897-10-03

see, buy me a piece of land from Nels Peter
"Oh, no. You don't want mortgage; what
you want is deed"
No, Master; tank want mortgage. You
SEQ, buy me two pieces of land BEFORE and /
got deed for dem. and mother faller come along
with mortgage and take the land; 80 tank /
bettor get mortgage this time"
The sun., 1897-10-03
A Change In the Presidency,

From the ChicdOo Record.
You have reorganized your board OF off.
GERS p
We had to; our typewriter girl and the Pres
ident quarrccd about which should sit facing
the window"
The sun., 1897-10-03
Getting In ON the Ground Floor.
From m, Cincinnati Enquirer.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Travelling Passenger Agent Tom Campbell
says that Swede camo into lawyers office
one day and asked:
els hare ben q lawyers placer
"Ycs; I'm lawyer"
"Well. Mais er Lawyer. ! tank shall have
paper made"
"Well. tank skall have q mortgage. You
The sun., 1897-10-03

TIroyn IN, Som,rt,fii, .Jolrnnf

A minister who used to preach in Somerville
had a little boy. A few days before his father
left the city to go to his new parish one of his
neighbors said to tho little boy:
so your father Is going to work in Now Bed
ford. is her
The little boy looked up wonderingly.
"Oh, no." he said. "Only preach"
The sun., 1897-10-03
Court Tell. n Man How to Run ne-t.urnur.

From the Atlanta Constitution.
Tibbs stated that he went into restaurant on
Decatur street Saturday night. where Thomas
is q clerk. and called for ten.cent lunoh The
beef did not suit him, and he asked that the
order be retllled. When the good beef was
brought Thomas took the tencent check and
handed him for 10 cents. Tihbs declined
paying the extra five cents and tore up the 10
cent check. This angerCd Thomas. and he
pasted Tibhs over the left eye with his fist
Thomas stated to the Court that he gave rihbs
no bone but the meat lad some Erstle on it.
The fresh order called for an extra five cents.
and that was why he changed the ticket. He
did not strike Tibbs until that gentleman had
cursed him
Other guests in the restaurant who were pres
ent at the time told the same story related by
Tbbs, and sta ed that Thomas struck him with
little or no provoCatiOn
Then this is the way the Recorder summed it
all up:
Look here. Mr.. Thomas, you can't run res
taurant that way. You must run it to feed
folks and not to whp them. | will dismiss the
case against alr. Tibbs ana will fine Mr.. Thomas
So and costs
The sun., 1897-10-03
Plenty or North Pole Game.

From the Washington Star.
"DId you .;et nything 7" asked Farmer Corn
tasse's wife as he returned from his hunting
trip.
"Nothin' worth speakin Of"
"You surely didn't come homo empty
handed T.
mo But it's next thing to 1t. haven't
anything but q couple more carrier pigeons
with messages from the North Pole tied to EN-"
The sun., 1897-10-03

Here's some more Of the horrible work Of
them blamed monopolists," said Farmer Hay
ricks he hung his coat the foot OF the bed.
Goodness, where T. asked his wife.
Here's a sign what says Don't blow out the
gas s'pose they make these folks burn 1t all
night, SOS to run up their bills on 'em. Gosh,
don't know what this country's comiu' tol'
The sun., 1897-10-03
One OF the First.

From the Detroit Journal.
"Oh, l wanted to ask you about that society
novel you were reading. Did he marry her,
aft all !"
NO; he was one OF the first TO marry her.
The sun., 1897-10-03

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Perry Patottic-Wcl. what luckl
Wayworn Watson--Worse in the world He
gimme meal ticket.
"Oh, ii might % been worse. l struck n guy
yesterday that gimme order on q bath house.
The sun., 1897-10-03

From the C1cteland Plain Dealer.
"Hullo, George. Back from the scasidel"
yep"
Come back engaged :"
"Ycp."
"How many T.
"All of them. was the only man there"
The sun., 1897-10-03
strictly Ideal.
Erom the Clev,iand Plain Dealer.

From the CleUetdnd FIdfn Dealer.
Say. Skctchy, my boy, ] don't want to find
fault with your work. but these girls in bathing
that you've been drawing lately arc altogether
too angelic"
what the matter with them?"
"Thcy are not lifelike. They're too lovely for
bathing purposes Did you ever see girl in
bathing y
The sun., 1897-10-03
Doubt


FFoH The CincinndH Enquirer.
"What color would you call the new board
er's hair 3 asked the fat boarder after the lady
had lett he dining room. - Is it Titan red r.
whether to call 1t Titan or imi-Titian."
The sun., 1897-10-03
Might Have Done Worse.
From the Chfcu1o Record.

1T was brutal OF Nero to fiddle while Rome
was burning"
II don't know about that; suppose he had
played an accordion I"
The sun., 1897-10-03

From the Indianapolis Journal
Cant give you nothing but straight whiskcy,
friend" said the barkccper TO the klondiker.
All the soft drinks is frOEe hard"
The sun., 1897-10-03
The Latest from the DirulnE..



The latest story from Kondke is that man
was caught out in windstorm. The ground
was dry and dusty. When the man got home he
coughed up $73l5 in gold dust.
The sun., 1897-10-03
Gave Him Ills Choice.


Mothcr-Johnny, l see your little brother has
the smaller apple. Did you give him his choice.
as suggested
JohunyYes IN. I told him he could have his
choice. the little one or none, and he took the
little one.
The sun., 1897-10-03
MRS. JOE RILEY.


"who can she bel wondered as followed
the attendant to the parlor where the caller was
waiting. A very elegant Young woman in tho
deepest OF widow weeds rose nt my entrance,
pressing u black borderod handkerchief to her
"'You were my husbands friend-his very
dearest friend, shc soJbcd, ana now l have
come TO tell you thrt he is no more. Joe often
told me that il ever needed friend would
This was decidedly interesting. especially as
could nor remember that had ever heard tho
name of Joe Riley. But said in u tone of deep
feeling; ,,ur
"'Scs and died like hero trying to save his
cattle train from being wreChcd
THAT brought b. ok the di apidated Joe Of
astOnishment. How in the world did such u
good; ;for.nothing as Joe ec! such a smart wife :
of course, she wanted financial help hut no,
Mrs. Riley informed me, with some pride that
she was well hXed; What shH i;. wantednand ne Ia
have me sympathac with her. According to her
story. there never was whittier man. When
she had spent hours in recounting his virtues,
".,,,Yon should have seen Joe's corpse!'
81 was so much affected BY tho recital that
had nothing To say to this, ana she con inued:
"We buried him on the blum, and his friend
Jim Holly is going 70 put stone over him at at
you must stop and see Joe's grave. His friend
Jim hns promised to kccpit green ,.,-,.
AFTER several more hours OF this luRubrions
talk the widow left. promising to send me JoGs
photo and lock Of his hair, coll 'pscd when
She left, and felt that financial demand would
huge been boon compared to this unexpected
call for sympathy.
"A year later WAS In Dubuque. and while
there remembered Joes corpse with an old
fellow fr IN the Julien House was pilotrd to
the spot where he WAS buried where the most
remarkable monument ever saw met my gaze.
have sketched II literally in detail. and was
not surprised when told that II was the delight
of the town, also that II was erected by his
friend Jim Holly as salve to his conscience.
which troubled him for getting Joe drunk 80
often. on the plea, ] suppose. that confession is
good for the soul. A moro unique tombstone
never was designed Below pair Of Texas
horns, cut in the stone, was this inscription:
jog riley.
Conductor of a Cattle Train.
He risked His Life, hut All In Vain.
Jim Holly with Rad Liquor
EilIpl Him.
1t Really Was Poor Whiskey
Killed Him.
"'What became OF the widow = i asked of the
town gossip.
go Oh, she married Jim Holly, and they are al
happy AZ two turtle doves he replied.
The sun., 1897-10-03
HU VUITETURNIIUH SfTTE'
For thry'v" all been driven away, now,
rl...ul I'LL NM,

ITS good thing" murmurcd the lag; "H
Eliznd go to \ bury Park beach aid drive
her 10000 into the sea, Id go home and face
her"
After fourteen reformed drunkards had re-
lated their cA pcrience and twenty-five gamblers
had been heard from. the man with the Jag
bracch up and said HlOud:
I'm "A model man: lm-hic-as yer see. I'm
sorry .ur's all an wish yer reform m wish yer
luck But II my wifc knew WAS in yer hic-
company she'd po.-poson me. ] always knew
WIS hC-goOd mnn-luL shame before
whcn-ycr-wirc-hlr-'s got it in for yer she
won't bloyc yer. II bring her down will yers
tel her how bad yer all 0rri Then she'll bo-
love me when shay she's got modcl-hic-hus.
ban. Hes ?"
Then he picked up his hat and he went home
TO tell her
The sun., 1897-10-03

"'What became OF the widow = asked of the
town gossip.
80 oh, she married Jim Holly. and they are as
happy AZ two turtle doves he replied.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Market Report

Ihave a good stock of boots and shoes;
you have eggs and butter want shoes.
Your wants a be easily supplied for
I will take your produce in exchange.
All my goods are bought for cash
which insures low prices, and there is
no one in Princeton who can boast of a
better line. The reliability of my
goods is never questioned. S. LONG.
The following is the program of the
stSandwich Entertainments at the Con-
gregational church Friday evening,
April %, at 8 o'clock:
'Breezes Of the Night, "..... Ladies Glee Club
'Tenting on Camp Ground, -. Ladies Glee Club
"Voices of the Night, 49,. .Amphion Sextette
Sights and Scenes in Mexico, Z, Hon. IT: H. Galley
"Whipoorwill, Ladies Glee Club
Rise Of the Butcher Boy, or Our Family Doc
Wealthy Parent and Patient......H. Rohrbach
Butcher Boy and Dr.. Drake, ......F +. Ludden
Young Lady who stole his heart, Myrtle Love
'.Good Night" ...........A mphion Sextette
Glee Club
Miss x. Miss Y. Love
Miss u. Miss @. Ross
Sextette-
A. Rohrbach. Peterson
G. Anderson 80. /. !. Wicklund
e. Ludden
LL &uAA E
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

The approaches Of the new West
Branch bridge have been completed
and it is now open to travel. The dirt
used in grading the south approach
was taken from the street in front Of
Col. Patterson's residence and helps
the condition Of the street there to a
great extent.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

The Cambridge stage driver brought
to Princeton Thursday a magnificent
specimen OF the American eagle. The
bird was feeding in the road and re-
fused to fly when the stage ap-
preached. The driver swung his
horses to one side of the road and shot
the bird with his revolver. Even af-
ter it was mortally wounded it made a
game fight and succeeded in tearing
the clothes of its assailant. The bird
measured "a feet from tip to tip.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Miss Mary Carleton was called tc
Minneapolis yesterday morning by a
telegram announcing the death of her
cousin.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22
Optical announcements,

If you have any optical work which
you wish to have me do, please call at
once, as I intend to be gone during the
month of May.
Respectfully yours,
r. c. STAMM.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

One candidate was Initiated at the
stated communication Of Fraterna]
Lodge No. 90 A. F. & A. M. last week.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Bob Burch passed through Prince
ton Monday onhis way home from his
drive on the headwaters of the Rum.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Two candidates were given the third
rank at the regular meeting of Prince
ton Lodge No. SO, K. P, last Tuesday
evening. A light lunch was served
which was followed by a very enjoya-
BILE smoke social.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

J. W. Hartman has accepted a. posi-
ton with T. H. Galley and is already
handling the, goods like an old-timer.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

The social at Mr.. and Mrs. f. M.
Campbell's residence last Friday even
ing was a very enjoyable affair. The
young ladies of the High school added
to the pleasure of the guests by repro
ducing Howell's "Mouse Trap
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

A score of the friends of Miss Alice
Bouck came in suddenly on her Tues
day evening to remind her that it was
the anniversary of her birthday. A
superb and complete edition of Steven
sons works from her father, an ele-
CANT bon bon dish, and a ring from her
friends were presented to her in a
short speech by Rev. Mr.. Moore, after
which games, refreshments and an all
round good time followed.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

For RENT-On shares, three forties
within three-quarters of a mile of town.
-. G.. H. RINES.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Cowles s. Pooler finished shipping
their winters cut Of oak last Thursday.
The Judge says that the heavy snow of
the winter interfered considerably
with the profit but expects to find a
balance on the right side of the ledger
when the business is settled.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

The boys about town organized a
mammoth band and gave two serenades
Thursday evening in different parts of
town for the benefit OF two newly we'd
ded couples. The music was greatly
enjoyed-by the boys.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Mrs. John McCool, whose case was
noted last week, is slowly improving
and her physicians r greatly en-
couraged.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

J. H. Tousley spent Sunday with his
family. He expects to leave soon for
Rossland, B. c., with a party Of pros
pectOrs. *, .E..@
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Sights and scenes in Mexico to-mor-
row night at the Congregational
church, lecture by Hon. T. H. Galley.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

I have just received AGAR load of
sash and doors. Anyone in need of
building material should call and get
my prices. I can sell them cheaper
than you can buy them anywhere else.
T. III. Galley.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Thomas Case, jr., of Anoka, arrived
in Princeton yesterday and will re-
main here a few days looking after the
collections of his firm.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

The Knights and Ladies of the Mac
cabees gave a very enjoyable dance
social at their hall last Friday evening.
Light refreshments were served and
the guests enjoyed themselves fully
until ~ O'Clock.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

There was a maple sugar and ice
cream social at the Methodist church
last evening which was an enjoyable
social affair.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

G. A.. Jack went to st. Paul last
Tuesday evening to enjoy the fun at
the closing session Of the legislature.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Superintendent Mudgett has received
the information that the summer train
ing school for this and adjacent coun-
ties will commence July -. There
promises to be a large attendance OF
teachers.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Marquis Larson, of Blue Hill, dis
located his shoulder in some unac-
countable while catching some
chickens in his hen house, He was
brought to Princeton to have the dis
location reduced.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Mrs. Dickinson has just returned
from the cities with a large stock OF
fine millinery together with babies
hoods, which she will sell cheap. Call
and examine goods and prices.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Newton &rSouthard have had their
place papered, and painted, which
makes a very@pleasing improvement.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

W. B. Fair, of St. CLOUD, a former
Princeton boy, rode oyer Thursday to
call on his old friends. He is at pres
ent teaching school near Parent.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Mile Laos county real estate is
picking up rapidly. Since the snow
left the real estate men have been very
busy showing prospective purchasers
their lands. Every Indication seems
to point to a very active season.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Ten of George Small's little friends
helped him celebrate his third birth.
day last Wednesday afternoon.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

The board Of education has offered a
silver cup for the contestant who wins
the greatestgnumber of#aevents satssthe
field day contest May Is. The#:cup is
to be suitably inscribed and left insthe
school room as a memento.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

A little child of Chester Ames
swallowed a 22-calibre cartridge last
week while playing with it. DR.. Tar
box was called and removed it and the
child is none the worse for the expert
ence.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

The students of the High school are
preparing to have a field day. during
the latter part Of next month. The
usual program Of sports will be ar
ranged and it is probable that some Of
the neighboring schools will send
teams to contest for honors.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

a. B. Shute, an old settler
OF Mile Laos county, died last Satur.
day. Mr.. Shute was injured about the
head in a runaway last year and never
recovered. His condition improved al
n time and his recovery was ex.
pected but a few days ago it took a
turn for the worse and the decline was
rapid. The funeral occurred Monday
at the Methodist church.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22
Threatened Their lives.

Vim. Myers, of Pease, who has been
in the justice court several times lately
was brought down yesterday morning
by Sheriff Claggett to be examined as to
his sanity. He had threatened to kill
bis wife and daughter and they be-
came frightened by his strange actions.
Judge Bouck found no signs Of mental
disorder except u devilish depravity
and ordered his appearance in the
justice court. After hearing the evi-
dence This wife. would nottestify against
him) he was dismissed and went home
to hatch up some new deYiltry.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Boots, shoes, rubbers and lawn ten.
mis- shoes. Come in and get fitted.
F. Z. LUDDEN.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1897-04-22

Car load of wagons and buggies just
received at T. H. Caley's. We can
undersell any house in the State.