davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

When a person begins to grow
thin there is something wrong.
The waste is greater than the sup
ply and it is only question of time
when the end must come.
In nine cases out of ten the trou-
Bile is with the digestive organs. IF
you can restore them to a healthy
condition you will stop the waste,
put on new flesh and cause them to
feel better in every way. The food
they eat will be digested and appro-
priated to the needs Of the system,
and normal appetite will appear.
Consumption frequently follows a
wasting of bodily tissue because
nearly all consumptions have indl.
gestion. The Shaker Digestive Cor
dial will restore the stomach to a
healthy condition in a vast majority
of cases. Get one of their books
from your druggists and learn about
this new and valuable remedy.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
uNLITERARY BOOKSELLERS.
Some Amusing Blunders of Men VIII
DoaI Tn VOoIys

Some Amusing Blunders of Men Who
Deal In Books.
Booksellers do not appear to gain much
literary knowledge from contact with lit
erature. The following list contains q
bona 1lde selection of titles of books exactly
as they were written in the booksellers or
ders received during the year by certain
firm Of publishers:
WHAT THEY ASKED FOR. WHAT WAS WANTED.
Republic of Flats. $50. Republic of Plato.
Boy, Muscle and the Bog Myrtle and Peat.
Peas ....,.............
Worcester's Diseases Worcester's Diocesan
Of the Calendar .. Calendar.
The Treacle of Storm. In tho Track of The
Storm.
Photo Frames, 1867. Photograms, 1885,
Nobody Born. ......... Nobly Born.
Stories From a Diary Stories From the Dia.
Adopted. -............ ry of a Doctor.
God Aim Us by Farm a Id eamus. By
r....,..........,.... Farmer.
Thoughts For Washing Thoughts For Working
Days.................. Days.
Courdal's Cart In Lee Caudle's Curtain Lee.
ture................... lures.
Nancy's Voyage to Nansen's Voyage tc
Greenland. ........... Greenland.
PlayActress and Cricll- Play Actress By
ct In the Pandemoni- Crockett. Pseudo
um Library. nym Library.
How to Make Hand How to Make a Hand
Camel ................ Camera.
Alice and Her Mistress Alice; or, The Myster-
les.
Founders and Heretics Frondes Agrestes.
Pharao h's Life of Farrar's Life Of
Christ ................ Christ.
frenchie Owen........ French Heroines
Shakespeare's The Fell Shakespeare's OtheI.
on NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. 10.
Across the Russians Across Russian
Nose...,.............. Shows.
c. B. Genius, OF. Gener- Cambridge Bible, Gen.
Gus, or some such esis.
thing ................
Marbles of Modern Miracles of Modern
Speculation .......... Spiritualism.
Think of the Mighty, Seats of the Mighty.
or Sinks of the Nigh
ty..".................
New York Press.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
TAKEN At HIS WORD.



. Rival Editor.
When William Hyde, who afterward be-
came postmaster Of st. Louis during Cleye-
lands first term, was managing editor Of
The Republican in that city, he threw
down the gauntlet in an editorial on some
question of local Importance. It was i'm,
mediately accepted by Editor McCullagh
of The Globe Democrat, and warm de-
bate was precipitated between the two able
editors. The intensity OF feeling grew
apace, and, as often happens in controyer-
sizes of that kind, drifted into one Of scath-
ing abuse between the editors. 1t was fun
for the readers of the rival papers, but dis
agreeable to the friends of the participants,
who expected that serious trouble would
result, both men being courageous and
daring.
Finally the vitriolic paragraphs of Ed
tor McCullagh stung the other editor with
such force that he dispatched personal
communication to McCullagh, telling the
latter that the city Of St. Louis was not
large enough for both of them to live in
at the same time, and that one or the 9TH
or had to leave the city Immediately, and
since he himself did not contemplate an
carly departure McCullagh should govern
himself accordingly.
The cool and calculating editor of The
Globe-Democrat replied by the game mes
senger that he would answer the commu-
nication the next morning in the editorial
columns of his paper. And, true to his
word, the editorial appeared over the sig
nature Of Mack, his war nom de plume.
The editorial, which was double loaded,
declared that he had received a communi-
cation from Mr.. Hyde the day previous,
In which the latter had stated that the city
was not large enough to hold them both at
the same time, and that Hyde or McCul-
lagh must leave town. Following this
came lavish expression of deep regret on
the part of The Globe-D Democrat in having
to announce the sudden and untimely de-
parture of Editor Hyde of The Republican,
that Mr.. Hyde was man who in his long
residence in st. Louis had earned the
esteem and respect of all who knew him,
and that in his leave taking the city would
suffer distinct and irreparable loss. The
editorial then concluded with long bio
graphical sketch Of Editor Hyde, as If he
had died on the previous day. The satire
was even more pungent than had been the
editorial paragraphs previously published.
1t was effective, too, for it ended the con-
troyersy, and both editors pursued the even
tenor of their way within stones throw
of each other without further trouble
Chicago Times Herald.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
A MATTER OF CHOICE.
A Youth Who Had a Preference and
RisIxed His Life on 1t.


Risked His Life on 1t.
A Capitol hill man has son about 20
years old, and the young fellow is very
nearly a chip off the old block.
One day last winter the son went to
visit friends and relatives among the snow
clad hills of Vermont and, of course, while
there put in as much Of his time in sleigh
as he could, because he knew the Washing
ton climate was not conducive to that sort
of amusement and he wouldn't have an
other chance.
Perhaps it is needless to remark that
whenever he went sleighing he took with
him one of those pretty, pink checked girls
for which Vermont is justly famous
And as far as possible he took new one
every time.
Such is man at 20-and later.
The pitcher cannot be taken to the well
TOO often unless it becomes broken, and it
happened in the case of the Capitol hill
laddie that on one of his trips his horse ran
away with him, and, not being the most
expert driver in the world, he was almost
at the mercy of the frightened animal. For
mile or more he managed to keep the
horse in the road, but beyond were q hill
and stream, with narrow bridge over il
JAlSv eRV q ttlIA1 VI O1lC NulCu
only be taken at slower pace. The girl
called his attention to this and nervously
suggested that they jump out, but he
wouldn't have it SO and assured her that
he would be responsible.
That sounded well, but when they ap-
preached the turn the horse would not stay
in the road, and, dropping the lines, the
young fellow grabbed the girl and waited
for the end, whatever it might be. In a
minute moro the entire combination flew
the track and landed in snow bank 90
feet deep. Some people who saw the acct
dent flshed them all out, and for wonder
nobody was much hurt, though the sleigh
was damaged.
When the youths father heard the story,
he was indignant.
"Why, you young jack, he exclaimed,
''what in thunder did you drop those lines
for? You might have known what would
have happened. "
"Well, pop" he replied sheepishly, 81
couldn't hold the horse, and could hold
the girl, and what else was there to do2"-
Washington Star.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
What is
|9:5 ! "a

Casts. ria is Dr. Samuel Pitchers prescription for af
and Children. 1t contains neither Opium, Morrsst
other Narcotic substance. 1t is harmless substitute
for Paregoric Drops Soothing Syrups, and Castor OIL
1t is Pleasant It's is thirty years use by
Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and aays
fevcrishness. Castori prevents vomiting Sour Curd
cures Diarrhoea and Wind Collie. Castoria relieves
teethng troubles, constipation and Hatulency.
Casteria assimiates the food regulates the stomach
and bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Gas.
toria is the Childrens Panacea-te Tother's Friend
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
He Drew the Line.

When the Rev. David Short was pastor
of the Penn Avenue Baptist church at
Scranton, he was jealous in the work of
securing new members. One man, with
whom he had labored exhaustively, was
finally persuaded as to his Christian duty,
but could not make up his mind whether
10 become Baptist or Methodist. Final
ly he hit upon a compromise and wrote to
the doctor that he had decided to unite
with the Methodists, but would like to be
baptized in the Baptist church by INNER
sion. This SO exasperated the good doctor
that he sent the following reply, ST regret
that cannot accommodate you, but this
church does not take in washing. San
Francisco Argonaut.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
Mating.

All good housemaids know that mating
should be swept with soft mating brush,
piled with the grain of the weave To
catch the flying dust that makes mat
ting laid floor one of the most difficult to
sweep clean, newspaper, wet and crush
ed and pushed before the broom, is recon-
mended.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Bobby-Is oxygen what the oxen
breathe all day
Papa-Of course, and what every
thing else breathes.
Bobby-And is nitrogen what
every one breatbes at night New
York World.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

without knowing in any degree what they
,.eau or what responsibilities ard trials
they bring. The highest and best thing
that any woman can do is to bear ana rear
healthy, intelligent children. The accom-
nlishtnent of this end depends almost y
t;relv upon her health and particularly
upofi the health and strength of the orgai.s
distinctly feminine The state of the chill.
drpn both intellectual and physical de-
1,ends on the mother If she doesn't care
enough for her own comfort and happiness
TO take the proper care OF herself, she GER
tainiy ought to do it for the sake OF her
childrefi. To very large extent, the des-
tinv and achievement of man is decided
i, The months before his birth. During
flat time is determined whether or not he
il 10 be of robust health and strong intel
ieet During that time, his mind and body
are started on the path that they will follow
Ahrough life. Circumstances may infiu-
enee him, but he cannot get away from the
effects of natal influences. One of the
principal uses of DR.. Pierce's Favorite Pre-
scription is the preparation of prospective
mothers for the time of trial and danger
that comes when child is born. The Pre-.
scription" is strengthening and invigorating
and lessons pain and danger. 1t insures the
perfect well being and the perfect health
OF both mother and child. Every woman
should know these things before she really
needs to know them. There are many
things in DR.. Pierce's :" Common Sense
Medical Adviser" that every woman ought
to know This celebrated work has reached
sale of $4,000 copies at 50 each. The
expense of production having thus been
covered, 500, 900 copies are now being given
away. A copy will be sent to any address
on receipt of twenty one Ten one cent
stamps to cover cost of mailing only.
Address, WORLDS DIspENsARY HE'D
IcAL ASSOCIATION, No. COS Main Street
Buffalo, N. Y.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

The BEST s4LyE in The world for cuts,
sores, letter, chapped hands, Chiiblains
congestion, eruptions, and IL positively
cures piles or no pay required. 1t is guar
anteed 10 give satisfaction or money re-
funded. Price % cents Per box, at L. g.
Matthaei's drug store.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Jinks-What tender care your
wife takes Of you. Always worry
ing about your health
Blinks-Yes | have my life in
sured in favor of my sister.-New
York Weekly.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

White satin shoes that have be-
come soiied need not, therefore, be
thrown aside as useless, but may be
cleaned by being rubbed with a piece
OF new flannel dipped in spirits of
wine. Rub the satin lenethwise Of
the grain, and change the f.nnel
frequently. AS the spirit is highly
iaflamab'e, i, should not be used
near a candle or other light.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Statioper--How did that last
black ink / sent you suit 7
Engros-sr-Ob, it did the bust
ness up brown.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
A nrexican's Mistake.

A Mexican professor who teaches Span.
3sh in one of the best private schools in
Chicago experiencing great deal of diff
Guilty in mastering the intricacies of Eng,
hsh pronunciation.
at dinner given in his honor recently
he nearly petritied the hostess with aston.
ashment by saying, DO you know, since ]
am in dees country haf learn to like 20
many queer thing which in my country ]
not hat at all Exempla, since l am here
hat learn to eat garbage. "
Seeing the look of amazemeDt which this
statement caused headed apprehensively
"Ees it not so? Garbage, chr Corn beef
and garbage Chicago Times Herald.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
ism IT, replied Glenwood

All humors of the blood, from the
small plmpfe to the dreadful scrof-
ula sore, are cured By Hoods Sar-
sanarilla, which thoroughly purifie-.
vita Lies and eniiches the blood.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
FRAZER AXLE
ct 3; IL |. ' s:, %.,'i' GREASE
Sold Everywhere! Uaa&sugI ~,
Miles Nerve q Liver Pms

Act on new principle-regulat-
ing the liver, stomach al ! bowels
through the nerves. A nov dis
covery. DR.. Miles Pills speedily
cure biliousness, bad taste, torpid
liver, piles, constipation Unequal
ed for men, women children SMALL
est, mildest, surest! so doses, 25
cts. Samples free at A NJ. Gnbert's
Drug Store. Jan Is ly
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Speaking Of the cellar, Miss Par
loa said Its windows should be
protected with barred iron and an
insect screen, and, if possible, The
floor should be cement, and the walls
whitewasned or painted. In any
case there should be no unexplored
corners, and no rotting wood or veg
etablee.n
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
Honesty and Virtue.

There is more honesty and virtue
contained in a bottle of Salvation Oil,
than in any other liniment known.
Mrs. A. Fielder, 1864 Palethorp ST.,
Philadelphia, Pa, confirms this truth:
She found Salvation Oil to be an ex-
cellent remedy for rheumatism, stiff
joints, bruises, etc., and thinks it
should always be kept in the house."
Don't listen to the dealers arguments
in favor Of a substitute. Insist on get
ting Salvation Oil, it costs only 25 cts.
For sale by N. A. snodgrass, u N. Queen
street.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

"How old are you, Miss Blusox?'
piped George, during a lull in the
conversation.
"W-why !" stammered Miss Blu
sox. Sim on the sunny side of
thirty, Georgia
rs that why you look SO dried
up, Miss Blusox?p queried George,
interes'ly.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Slip wooden skewer across the
top under the lid of the silver coffee
pot that is not often used. 1t will
prevent The mustiness that gathers
from want of air. often affecting the
favor of The next brew of coffee.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Sir Joshua Reynolds needed but one sit
ting when intending to paint portrait.
Sometimes he would not take even that.
butwould casually glance at the sitter and
proceed to paint the portrait.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

First Criminal-Wby did you
give yourself up?
Second Ditto-I always observe
Lent.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

HooD's PILLS cura nausea, sick
headache. india estioD, biliousness.
All druggists. Csc.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Ed r-Yon live in a boarding
housl }oo't you?
Pa graphic S rf-1 d.,
Ed lr-How is j, we meyer set
any I sb spring chicken jokes from
you?
Par sraphic serf-They can't al
ford icken where l board | write
hash kcs.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

When the children need Castor
Oil, give them LAxoL; it is palata-
BILE.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Mildew may be removed from
linen by the following process Rub
the linen we'll with salt, then scrape
some fine chalk. and rub it also on
The stained part. Lay the linen on
the grass, and, as it dries, wet it
little. The mildew will 10 all prob
ability be quite removed by one or
two applications.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

To some people the smell Of
newly painted room is hiehly OBJ
jectionablc. The odor can be great
ly lessencd by placing pail Of cold
water in the room. and allowing it
10 stand there for some hours.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Nails which have been removed
from the wall frequently leave I'M
slightly holes, which it is not always
convenient to conceal with picture
or bracket. The best method Of
hiding them is with either putty
plaster of Paris, or a paste made
OF sawdust and glue. When dry
enver the filings With paint to
match the paper.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

A woman never r ally knows the
meaning of happiness and content
until she is the mother of healthy,
happy child. The health of The
child depends on the health of the
mother, both before and after birth.
Most all of woman's weakness and
particularly the weakness that most
strongly influences the health OF
ch ildren, comes from some derange-
ment or disease of the distinctly
feminine organs. DR.. Pierce's Fav-
orite Prescription will cure troubles
of this nature. It should be taken
regularly by every woman during
the entire period of CESSATION. II
gives strength to all the organs in
velved, lessons the pains of child.
birth and insures the health of both
mother and child.
Send 81 one-cent stamps to cover
cost of mailing only, and receive
free copy OF DR.. Pierce's Medical
Adviser. Address, Worlds Dispen-
ssry Medical Association, Buffalo,
N. Y.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

From Washington to Alexandria is 5,af5
miles.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

LOO DIS Sarsaparilla has over and
- Ger again, proYed~by its cures,
when ! other preparations failed, that
1t is th9 One True BLOOD Purifier.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
The counsel Of

The counsel of
older women Is of
inestinabie value:
A mistaken idea OF
siuodesty prevents
many girls from
zlearning the things
/ that they ought to
know before they
assume the duties
of ii,atrimony and
maternity. Women
generally take these
most important
efer,g in their lives.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
Castoria.

aCSstoria IS so well adapted to children that
recommend it as superior toany prescription
known &c me-"
II. A. ARCHER, M. D.,
al So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, n. z.
sour physicians in tho children's depart
ment have spoken highly of their expert
ence in their outside practice with Castoria,
and although we only hare among our
medical supplies what is known as regular
products, yet we are free to confess that the
merits CT c.astoria has won look with
favor upon it,
UNITED HosprrAL AND DIsPEssARY,
Boston. Mass
ALLEN C. SMITH, Pres.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Mrs. Honeymoon-Lovey, dovey
instinct tells me we are approaching
a tunnel.
Honeymoon-You are wrong this
time, my dear, for | have made an
arrangement with the porter to let
me know in advance.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

She-I presume the country edi.
tors pathway is not strewn with
fowers1
He pleasantly mo, not exactly;
but We stumble on a bushel of pota.
toes occasionally, or cord of wood.
Detroit Tribune.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
The Kiss Ecclesiastic.

At a fashionable wedding patty
just as the happy pair were about to
start on their wedding tour, the
pretty little bride was thanking the
Clergyman who had made her and
her choice one on which the reyer-
end gentleman, who was an old
friend of the family ard a bit of a
wag, said: Blu, my dear, you
have not paid me my tee."
What is it 2" said the bride.
ga kiss. Won't you pay it before
you go 2"
"Oi course l will," she answered,
blushing and laughing, and she did.
A severe old maiden lady, stand
ing by, was terribly shocked at such
levlty, and worse, as she thought IT.,
on the part o. the jolly divine; but
every one else, the bridegroom in
Guided, smiled at the incident. AS
the old maid, little later, was
about to drive away from the door,
she put her bead out of her broug-
ham window and said severely as
the parson among others babe her
adieu:
"Well, Mr.. Clergyman, how about
that eccles iastical kiss p
Not now he answered. II will
give it to you another time. So
very public here |"
She disappeared. The guests
roared, and tie parson scored
London It'd Bits.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

II had no idea that Gomez was
likely to go on the stage" remarked
Hazelwood.
s.He ism t. replied Glenwood.
sWell, one OF the newspapers says
Gomez is preparing to act "
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17

Try the INDEPENDENT.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
Tutt's Pills
Cure All
Liver Ills.

A y FOng Fertilization.
Fortily the body against disease
by Tufts Liver Pills, an abso-
late cure forsick headache, dys-
pepsta, sour stomach, malaria,
const patton, jaundice, bilious
ness and all kindred troubles.
"The FIy-Vheel of Life -
DR.. z ltt; Your Liver Pills arc
the { wheel oflife. | shall ever
be g teful for the accident that
brou atthemtomy notice. feel
asif had a new lease of life.
IT. leigh. Platte Cannon, Col.
IT, It's Liver Pills
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-04-17
DIRECTIONS
Tor using
CREAM BALM.


Apply a particle
Of the Balm up In
10 the nostrils.
After a moment
dra " strO IA 2
breath th ron & b
l. b G nose. Use
three times a day,
after meals pre-
tered, and before
retiring.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1897-12-16
Thing, to Be Thankful For.

Increased prosperity in every Dranch
of industrial and commercial activity.
Increased work for everybody ana
in many cases higher wages.
Increased comfort and happiness Ior
man, woman and child.
Increased prices for the products OF OF
the farm, amounting, for the year 1891
alone. to more than $1,000,0 100000.
Increased demand for the products
of factories, mills and mines.
Increased bank deposits, loans ana
discounts.
INCREASED sales by merchants ana
manufacturers.
Increased railroad earnings OF over
II per cent. as compared with ass
year.
Increased exports of food stuifs ana
manufactured articles amounting 10
several hundred millions OF dollars.
The election of William Mckinney as
President of the United States.
The triumph of protection. :,
The passage of the Dingley tarih
bill.