davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
Gross Outrages

Upon the stomach and bowels are perpe-
trated by multitudes of injudicious people
who, upon experiencing the annoyance of
constipation in a slight degree, fnfiltrate
their bowels with drenching evacuants,
which enfeeble the intestinal membrane to
a serious extent, sometimes, even, super
Stomach Bitters is the true suceedaneum for
these nostrums, since it is at once invigorat-
ing, gentle and effectual. 1t also banishes
dyspepsia, malarial complaints, rheumatism
and kidney troubles.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
4 Mild Attack.

Beefneck Biil-Wot's come of your pard-
ner?
- Strongarm jake shook i'm. He got re-
fgion already
%! Quit the business, has he.''
He always wanted to open a safe with
prayer. Cincinnati Inquirer
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
Outdoue.

Prof. Braintank--Newton was a great
philosopher. BY observing the mere fall OF
an apple he discovered the law of gravity.
Smithers-That's nothing. By simply bit.
ing an apple Eve discovered the gravity oil
lawn. Y. Journal.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
The Main Thine.

These here quick firing guns" said Rub
berneck Bill, critically examining the
weapon left by the gentleman who was be-
ing. buried-"these here quick-firins guns
amt so important as a quick drawing man
behind en-. indianapolis Journal.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
Willing to Wait

His Fiancee-I should tell YOU. baron. that
will not have penny of my own until dear
mamma is called away
Baron Won Stonyhausen = Den We musd
yalt vid patience for OF you call de happy
day. my leetle loaf.-Boston Traveller
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
THE CHIEF THING

IN Mointoloing Good Health is Pure. Rich.
hourishDg Blood.
The blood carries nourishment and
furnishes support for the organs, nerves
and muscles. 1t must be made rich and
pure if you would have strong nerves,
good digestion, sound sleep, or if you
would be rid of that tired feeling. those
disagreeable pimples, eczema, or scrofula
No medicine is equal to Hoods Sarsapa-
rilla for purifying the blood. 1t is medi-
cine of genuine merit and will do You
wonderful good. Try it now.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
More Terrible.

Hewitt-My wife was looking for a DIR,
goods store yesterday and BY mistake sht
walked into a saloon next door.
Jewett-That was terrible
Yes. she found me inside."-N. Y
Truth.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

Customer-Chalk down that shave; I'm
broke.
Barber-We don't trust &c so. can't
raise ten cents raise whiskers Judge
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

Mistress What in the world ass YOU
putting ashes Oh the floor for. BI idgeIy'
'Shure, ma am. an didn't ye1 i.y [. BOOST
the parIor?"-Brooklyn Life
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

To Cure n Geld In One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets All
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

Fits stopped free and permanent, cured
No fits after first days use of DIR. Kline's
Great Nerve Restorer. Free 81 trial bottle &
treatise. DR. Kline, 933 Arch ST.. Phila Pa
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

Piso's Cure cured me of d Throat and
Lung trouble of three years standing.-E
Cady. Huntington, Iud., Nov. L. lS94
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

A woman should never accepf lover
without the consent of her heart nor a hus-
band without the consent OF her Judgment
- Niuon de rEncos
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

NWhat is the age of chitalry, Aunt Pencil.
opes" Those good old times when men
tell in love with women over forty."-Tit.
Bits.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

Many a woman can do exquisite EN-.
broIdery. but can't darn It sock-Washine.
too Democrat
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15
The Alteruati>.

Halls Catarrh Cure
Is taken internally Price Toe.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1897-09-15

AAO' - ITO with Hood $ Slrsaparilla
The morning times., 1897-02-21
AARON IN THE WILD WOODS
THE STORY OF A SOUTH
ERN SWAMP
BY JOEL CHANDLER HARRIS.

tCOpyright, 1897, by Joel Chandle Harris.
Ill
what Chunky Riley Saw and Heard.
Left alone, Chunky Riley stoGd still and
tried 10 trace in his mind the route lie
and Aaron had followed in coming from
the Swamp. But he could make 10 men
tai map and he knew every 'nish-Cut
and by-path for miles around-that would
fit in with the time it had taken them TO
reacn the spot where he now stood. He
looked back toward the Swamp, but the
night covered it, and he could see nCtli-
ing Then he locked around linn, TO see
Il ne knew his present whereabouts. on,
yes. that was easy; every foot OF ground
was familiar.
The hill on which he had stood had
been given over to scrub pines. The hill
itself sloped away 10 the Tuner Old fields
But still he was puzzled. and still he
scratched his head, for be kLew that the
Swamp was a good four miles away
nearly five-and it seemed 10 him that
he and Aaron had not been mere than
ten minutes in making the journey. So he
scratched his head ard wondered 10 him
self whether Aaron was really "conjur
man
II was perhaps very lucky for CHUNKY
Riley that he stopped when he did. If
he had kept on he would have run into the
arms or three men who were going along
the plantation path that led from Gossett' 5
The morning times., 1897-02-21
THE COLoNEL,S DRINK.

As four or five of us sat talking and
smoking, Colonel Basil came up the steps
and joined Us and introduced himself.
After some general talk, he said:
'Gentlemen, am rather rabSent-mindedat
times, and / beg to be excused If I have
met any OF you before and failed to re-
member It. P"
We assured him in chorus that it was
our first meeting, and he continued:
Il had an indistinct idea that | had
been asked 70 drink with you. but 1
am not sure about it. If so. I probably
accepted. II not, then 1 beg 70 be ex-
cused.
We assured him that none Of US had
ever asked him TO take drink. ne having
been stranger to US until a few min
utes before. nor did we invite him then
TO 20 in and take a nip. He seemed
cast down Tor q moment, but finally rallied
and said:
'Absentmindedness is great falling
OF mine, and really must try TO over
come it. Now, that look at you more
closely. it seems to me that I was here
this afternoon, and introduced myself,
and that the gentleman on the right rose
up and asked Us all to take souethin'
say, it seems so, but I can't be sure.
If So
The gentleman on the right" inter
rupted him 20 say that he arrived az
the hotel at noon, and the Colonel musu
therefore be mistaken
Then l heg your pardon said our
caller. "As Il general rule. when / am
invited TO drink. reTaeuGer the Incl
dent very clearly for several days after
ward, tuU 10 seems that I an. off IN this
instance Memory is a treacherous thing
when ore gets to he my age"
Something was said about politics. but
before the talk had gone far the Colonel
rose up and said:
Gentlemen, beg your pardon, but a
thought has just struck ne Did I ask
any one in this crowd to change a five
dollar bill?'
He was assured that Ee asked nothing
fthe sort, and. feeling about inhis pockets,
he continued
1T somehow seemed 70 ne that had
and that none Of you could 90 IL. and that
the gentleman on the left handed NE a
quarter to get drink with, and said
could hand It IN this evening. II 7 am
il error
He was IN eHor. The gentleman On
the left so,emnIy assured him that no
such thing had happened.
Wei, III take your word for IT,"
sighed the Colonel DO you. gentlemen.
usually take nip about this hour Of the
day?''
We did not Our hour for taking a
nip had long passed and wouldn't come
around again until the next forenoon
The Colonel walked over aLd locked into
the bauo1m and then came back to say.
''Gentlcmeu. I have an indIstinct idea
that 7 have met THIS cTOwG before
NO. Colonel. YOU haven't
But l insist that I have At least,
it was a crowd numbering the same and
The morning times., 1897-02-21
Kentucky Curiosities.

In a little cabin on the Cumberland
River, in western Kentucky, a boy sixteen
years of age has made three OF four instrU-
ments out of horse hairs and corn stalks,
and he plays them wonderfully well One
of the instruments looks like q hurdy- gurdy,
but the boy is able TO get sweet music On
the thing.
The rural editor has seldom ever been
known to sue ON subscription account,
but listen. "Severalof our subscribers with
in the last few days have asked US not 10
bring suit for the subscription due US, and
we want TO say right here that we shall do
q thing OF that kind only as last resort
But we must have our money to pay our
own debts, lest some of our creditors bring
suit against US"
One of the candidates for jailer in Cal
loway county publishes a card in the Times
offering as an inducement 10 the voters 10
buy two bloodhoundsat aneXpense Of S125
and keep them in Murray ready for business
as long as he is 1ailer.
It is said that nephew of Charles
Dickens is an engineer on the Illinois Cen
trail railroad, running through Kentucky.
and is living In LaSalle, Ill. His father
was August n. Dickens, younger brother
of the novelist, who came to this country
about 1850 and became an employe OF the
railroad.
The first cargo of mules ever seen on the
Sandwich Islands was carried there hy
by Pat O'Brien, OF Patlucah. who is now IN
California.
The morning times., 1897-02-21

to question the Lords ways, but If He
didn't intend yo' fGg "A man then may
| never steal another feather bed! Pears
to me like yo' had better gone to the
army and left Zeb home To- wash dishes!
And did they never find YOU out?'
Never replied the Old man. They
made so much fun OF Abe bcin' licked by
woman that lie had To dig out. while as
fur the rest OF the gang, they never cum
a-nigh my cabin ag'in. one day, While
the ole woman was out arter roots, she
run ag'in seven OF 'em in the woods, and
at the sight Of her the hull crowd Took
wings so fast that they left a mewl behind
and never cum back fur him. We had the
use of him fur eight vars befo' lac died
Mebbe W took motifs OF the boy who was
we're last night artcr meal?'
Yes, did. ~
"Wau. his father was one of the gang.
lust after the wah closed. but bcfo' l got
home. my ole woman met him in the road
one day and hollered at him. He made
rru to the side Of the mountln 10 get
away, and started an avalanche and was
buried under it. She wanted to aN the
time O. day, but ne thought she was artcr
him fur row, and he met his death while
nyin' fur his life Kinder queer, eh? The
de woman sez the l. ord put me up 10 what
| did. but | dunno. Didn't seem to be no
L,awd in Tennessee in them days-no Lawd
tail. Jest Confeds, and Guerrillas and
YaUkS ~
The morning times., 1897-02-21
Carl. DJSDER.
He Gets job on Funny Paper at
Hundred Dollars Week.

s'Vhen. how YOU vhas nOw'' said hr-
plnder. as he tiptOed into the station
and stood before the fat police sergeant
the other afternoon.
ION! It's YOU" muttered the ser
geant, as he looked up.
Yes. She vhas HE. l vhas going by
aboudt a mile avhay, you know, und
I shust drop in To see if You vhas deadt-
Last time l vhas here / told you ] vhas
going back To Shermauy, but l don go,
you see.'
II See
"Se rCeant, don't you remember how
] used to be sOme hayseeds-ha! ha! ha!
Nottings vhas two times alike, und eafery-
body shwindlcs me-
Yes, l remember answered the ser
geaut.
II vhas greenhorns. II man comes
to me init an express package, 1 pay
him seek dollar, und find big stone In
it. II somebody comes, und says L shall
run for office 1 gifts him ten dollar, und
don't see him any more. If man likes
to put Carl Dunder in book init
Sheorge Washington und Grofcr Cleve'
land, l pays him feefty dollars, und nef
fer see dot book. 1t makes me laugh dot
| vhas such hayseeds-ha! hal hal
Mr.. Dunder," said the sergeant, after
looking up at the clock and out of the
alley window what do you want to see
me for?"
II shust like to know if you vas all right,
you see"
There's something else. You have been
swindled againl'
The morning times., 1897-02-21

he laughs till | hat to hit him on der back.
Dot makes NE laugh, too-ha! Ia! ha!
Here vhas another:
why should a man who has eat some
oysters all winter go avhay from home in
der sprang. Because he vhauts change of
clamate."
Great Scott" groaned the sergeant,
land he took that
"vhy not? lie falls off l,is shair when
he reads dot shoke, und he says his
readers vhill be conwulSed for two weeks
Here vhas one more
"Vhot vhas dot deeference between a
man oop a tree uud a man down a
hole in der ground? one must come uop
und one must come dOwn-hal ha, ha!'
Mr. Dunder,'' sOlcmnIy observed the
Sergeant, did you cash a check for that
mantle editor?''
"Of course not. If he saws dot he
likes me to cash check take him for
a fraud. on, no, Carl Dunder vhas no
sunflower-not dis timey'
But you lent him money!
"I-I-vhel, she yhas one hoondred
dollars q week on dot paper, und he
pays her back INIT dot first salary. He
doan' say right out dot / shall lend him
twenty dollars, but
.'But he got it?''
"Vhell, ne haf to go back to Cheecago,
don't he? If somebody don't pick his
pocket he vhas all right. He don't vhant
to take dot money, but I put her in his
pocket. He vhas so glad dot see tears
in his eyes"
'And you helped swindle yourself! Why
don't you change your name to Carl Don
key?"
''shwindledl How You mean? Don't
write some shokes?"
"Nol You couldn't write Jokein hun
dred years."
'Und don'tI write for his paper at one
hoondred dollars week."
mot line-not cent? That man simply
played you for flati The longer you live
the less you know. You ought to have your
skull sandpapered.
"so-so l vhas tooken in?" gasped Mr..
Dunder, as he stared at the sergeant.
'of course, you werel'
"Und 1 vhas hayseeds und greenhorns,
eh?''
"You look out or the cows will bite
you.''
Sergeant, let me shpeak to you. I
vhas going all oafer town und look for
dot man. II he Wasn't here I shall go
to Cheecago und find him. If he vhas
alive 1 shall meet him, und when meet
him shall give him shoke like dis
"Vhy was a dead beat like 8 hurri-
cane?"
Because why?'i asked the Sergeant.
because 1 shump IN on him and shoke
him till he yhas black IN der facet Den
The morning times., 1897-02-21

tumble around. It's some different with
me. If don't catch your nigger, you but
ton up your pocket If do catch him, YOU
pay me $50 down, not fer catching him,
but fer knowing how TO tumble around and
catch him.
The logic of this argument. which was
altogethcrlostonC Chunky Riley silencedM Mr..
Gossett, but did not convince him. There
was long pause, as if all three of the men
were wrestling with peculiar thoughts.
Finally Mr.. Gossett spoke:
1T amt o much the niger IN after,
but / want to show Abercrombic that
can't be outdone. He's laughing in his
sleeve because l can't keep the niger at
home, and IN be blamed"-here his voice
sank to a confidential tone-"l'll be blamed
if Cont believe that, betweenhim and that
son of his, tEey are haIboring the niger.
Yes, sir haTL oring is the word"
Mr. Jim Simn ons threw down his lighted
cigar with such energy as ocause the sparks
TO fly Ill all directions a cigar was an
unfamiliar luxury to Mr. Simmons, and lie
had had enough of it.
adds on Ahercrombie harboring mig
gerr'eXclaimedMr Simmons. why, Colo
l.
United States was toteil me that wouldn'
believe it. Addison Abercrombie. Why,
Colonel, through YOU'RE his next-docr neigh
I or, youmay say you don know himhalf as
well as GO. You ought 10 get acquainted
with that man.
'Humphl | know him well enough, /
reckon" responded Mr.. Gossett. Il went
To school with him. Folks get to know
one another at school. He was always
stuck up, trying to hold his head higher
than anybody else because his daddy had
money and big plantation / made
my prop'ty myself; l earned every
dollar: and | know how it came.
But. ColoneI!' Mr.. Jim Simmons in
sisted, A ddison Abercrombie would holt
his head high il he never seen dollar,
ana ned have the right TO do it, Hin
harbor niegers? Shucks, Colonel! YoI
The morning times., 1897-02-21

1 vhas going to make more ash ten tOusand
dollar in one year,"
"Tell me how"
-vhell, like to wait and surprise you,
but mebbe she vhas all right TO tell you
now Did you hear of dot funny paper in
Cheecago?"
(Which one?"
''She vhas called Der Gigantic Shoker
und Laugh Maker, and she vhas so funny
dot when you read her you must fall down
on der floor-ha! hal hal
Have you got a copy?"
''No. A feller come in my place und
tells me all aboudt her. l vhas all alone
when he comes in und says vhas / Carl
Dunder. l vhas. Dot vhas all right He
reads of me ID the papers, und he comes
one tousand miles to see me. He yhas der
editor OF dot paper"
II see. And what did he want of you?"
The morning times., 1897-02-21
Curious Gowns in Germany.

Some Of the American women presented
at tile Berlin court tell extraordinary tales
of the gowns worn there by German women
OF rank One OF the rules of the court
prescnbes the length OF the court trains.
which have TO be Of white satin and are
as valuable hcirlOoms. One satin train II
the required length and color viii serve
for long series OF presentations, and some
Of them bear unnistakahle evidences q
long use. Another notable feature OF the
Berlin court functions is the extraordinary
hour at which they are held. The presenIa~
ton commences at O'Clock anG lasts uU
til o.
The morning times., 1897-02-21

What you belief, eh? He vhants me 70
write for his paper, und he gifts me one
hoondred dollars week. Dot brings
him here. He says l vhas so funny dot
he must haf my shokes in his paper.
ShiIdren cry for EN-"
When were you funny" asked the
sergeant.
IL dunno; but dots What he said to
me. He Ike some shokes right avhay,
und so l eif him some. 1 vhilI shpeak
dose shOkes 20 yoa Und YOU Will see how
funny dey vhaS.
Why vhas a man who leaves his
pockctbook under his pillow at home
like a ship in storm? Because his wife
takes oudt ten dollars before he gets
back
He didn't take that from you as a
joke. dill he:'' exclaimed the sergeant
''Of course. When he reads dot shoke
The morning times., 1897-02-21

switch yo' and hev music while the
cabin is burnin''
Abe Raynor, yO' 60 on and don't
fule with me or it'll be the wuss for
yo'!'
'Wuss be durned!' sez he, and he
makes grab fur me and lifts rue up
When l was on my feet / lets out fur
him, and in five ninits he was a licked
man. l tied him hand and foot and
licked him with switch till 1 was
tired. Then / sent fur some Of the gang
and they cum and took him off. When
they had cum one OF 'em seZ to me:
. Mrs. White, did yo' do this all alone
by yo'self?"
Il did, sah'
'''Y Yere 1T arr
HE takes 1T and looks at it and shakes
his head and sez:
That's all, Mrs. White. 1 amt goin'
The morning times., 1897-02-21

I shall bump his head on der sidewalk
seventeen timesi Den shall knock him
by der middle of last week one vhay, und
by der midG!e of next week der other way,
und when dot coroner comes around TO sit
on der body he don't find nOttings but some
teeth and shoe stringsl Sergeant, good
by. If 1 don't find dot man und git
some revenge you shall look for me TO be
found deadt NIT some sorrow on my face
The morning times., 1897-02-21

"Oh, no! no! no! When 1 was some
greenshorns 1 vhas took in, but nobody
can fool me now. So you don't haf der
SMALLPOX, and vhas all right, eh?''
~ want to know what's happened to
you?" said the sergeant, as he came out
from behind his desk, with a grim smile
on his face.
"vhell-ha! hal hal Don't say not
tings happens to me? I shust haf some
good luck. you know. Don't you worry
aboudt Carl Duuder-he YES all right
The morning times., 1897-02-21

woman and it ranked, and he couldn't
abide it. The blamed critter thrsted fur
revenge, and one AFTERNOON he cum back
yere alone TO git it, My ole woman seen
him sneakin' in the brush over thar, and
so dressed up In her clothes gin and sot
down yere to smoke my pipe and wait.
Purity soon he showed up, and, walkin' up
to me, he seZ:
Mrs. White, cum along with me-
"'What fur?'
"Kase I'm .goin' to, tie yo' up and
The morning times., 1897-02-21

night here on this veranda, and though
l gave them 10 plainly understand that I
was as dry as cotton, I am not invited 70
participate. Yes, gentlemen, am sure
we have met before, and that you are no
gentlemen, and that I am the only gentle
man here, and that you can all 60 10 grass,
and I VIII buy ny own whisky, and ~
hanged 70 you!''
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1897-04-12
AT PoURlH STREET CHURCH.
Another Interesting Discourse Delivered
by Rev. DIR. i. l.. sOoy.

Another Interesting DtNcOuTae Delivered
by Rev. DIR. i. l.. sooy.
Rev Dr. Sooy had unique theme
last night, at the Fourth Street NJ E
church. and from 1t was elaborated n
delightful talk Ills theme was: The
Greatest Hymns OF ihe Great Hym-
nlsts," and Tor Illustration. culled nine
OF the choices; gems Of hymnoloEy The
congregation sang each Of the hymns.
and the song service was not only in
teres,ing and instructive, but was Gle
waiting. Or. Sooy emphasizing the beauty
OF the hymns by descriptive para
phrases. He paid high tribute 70 the
church Aymnology, and quoted the
words OF eminent dlylnes to the effect
that were the Bible to be obN,enteI,
It's truths would sun be preserved in
the hymn books.
He selected William Cowpcr's God
Moves IN a Mysterious Way. His Won
ders TO Perform, a. the first hymn. He
stated that the melancholy poet mad
written many beautiful hymns, but
this hymn is probably the best. Cowper,
previously to penninE the lines ~ the
hymn, had contemplated suicide. but
the light Of reason returning. he gave
to the world this hymn. The c0ngregar
ton sang the hymn with spirit
The second hymn sang WAS John
Newton's "ConviCted-PardOn John
Newton was q close companion OF Cow
per. and before his conversion had been
an iuillcl, liber,ine. and slave OF slaves
In Africa The words % the hymn re-
fleet his Hfc-story,
In comlnE to the other selections, DR..
SOoy said that the next three were clus-
tered gems The writer's were Isaac
Watts. Augustus NJ Toplady and
Charles Wesley Al had written many
beautiful and well know hymns, but the
great one OF Isaac Watts was that
sweet hymn. entitled "Glurving In the
Cross" beginning with thu words;
When | survey the Wondr1us cross
The words are set to an expressive mel
ody, and the congregation sang them
very teCInEly,
Few hymns bear the name ot Angus
rus VI TOplady, but each Is a gem, said
Dr. SOOy. and he was eurUptuTcd VITA
them The universal verdict Is that
Rock OF Ages" should occupy IN"
throne Of appreciation, and the speaker
chose this well known hSmn,
Jesus Lover OF My Soul by Charles
Wesley, was termed twia-gem 60
Rock OF Ages" DR., SOoy said he placed
this hymn In the centre Of the nine
hymns. which Mont BlHnc-like towers
above the rest, This wonderful comp0-
sti0n had excited the admiration Of the
whole world.
Leaving the composers Of the old
world, and coming TO the new world,
Dr Sooy said II was with pride that he
could select gems written by Americans
FIRST OF all, he placed Or, Smtths
America" or Ny Country 'Tls or
Thee Modest pr Smith had no
dreams of his song ever becoming pub-
lie. no thought Of It becoming hts caun-
try's song II was ilrst sung IN Park
Avenue c1nweEati3nui Church, july
g. 1882, and the popularity ~ the SER
Vices gave the hymn a fame whiCh soon
spread like wildhre Years lftcrwlri.
Dr. Smith has heard IN many Out.Ot
the-way places, his ode NJ hymn.
DR.. Ray S. Palmer wrote a hymn