Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-01-15
LOOKING FOR MARK TWAIN.
A Man Who Followed His Advice and
Now Hungers For Revenge.

A Man Who Followed His Advice and
Now Hungers For Revenge.
Many innocent people will remember an
article upon railway travel written by one
Mark Twain and published some time ago
in an influential magazine. In it he sug-
gested plan by which the passenger could
obtain courtesy and other things FROM the
railway officials with whom he was thrown
in contact ON his wanderings. The plan
was simplicity itself 1t was merely to
claim an acquaintance with one of the high
officials of the road and demand something
better than Al in the matter of treat
ment The plan struck me as being good
one Mark said he used it himself with
unfailing success and ever since heard
the story of the jumping frog have be-
lieyed that it would be utterly impossi-
BILE for Mark to tell lie. Consequently
determined to use it on the first possible
occasion.
Now, it happens that 1 do not travel
much, but short time ago business took
me from New York to Chicago When l
purchased my ticket at the Grand Central
station murmured these magic words to
the clerk, II am warm personal friend OF
Mr.. Depew's" The clerk smiled, but said
nothing. However, the smile was encour-
aging at a time when needed encourage
ment The fact Is I'm not much Of liar
myself. Any of my friends will tell you
that. / was just trifle disappointed,
though. 1 had expected considerable re-
duction in the rate if not a pass from that
ticket seller. And the fellow not only gave
me the exact change, but he worked off u
counterfeit half dollar on me. Perhaps
he thinks I'm so rich won't notice a mere
half dollar" I reasoned with myself "No
doubt all Mr.. Depew's warm personal
friends are rich. passed on to the seller
of the sleeping car tickets undismayed.
"a lower berth for Chicago" said I.
Lower berths all sold, sir. Have an
upper"
''But, my good man." Suggested, "Mr.
w. Seward Webb-Sew, as call him-is a
first cousin Of mine"
"Oh, meet lots Of Mr. Webb S cousins, :"
said the clerk. sin fact he has issued or
ders disowning all his cousins, male and
female" l left the window in high dudg-
con. don't know what "dudgeon" is,
but have often heard the expression.
made my way to the Chicago sleeper.
The porter asked for my ticket, but told
him would buy one from the conductor
''I'm warm personal friend and bust
ness associate Of Depew's,' said l soto
yoce. There's another term wot not OF
except that it sounds we'll
sYou'r re another of them, are your" said
uhe porter with chuckle and giving me a
dig in the ribs. ooh, l meet lots OF
Them. But he let me pass, and l took a
seat in the smoking compartment.
There were two gentlemen in the smok-
ing compartment, and dropped into con-
versation with them. / like my little
joke, and I told them Of my adventure
with the ticket sellers and the porter and
babe them watch me work the sleeping cal
conductor. They were greatly amused
| and one Of them said there was nothing he
| liked better than good joke They prom
| ised to stay and see the fun.
Eventually the train started, and the
! sleeping car conductor made his appear
ance. My two companions preserved dig
nified silence. l was fearfully afraid they
would grin ahead Of time and thus give mt
away, but they behaved admirably They
acted as though they had never spoken 6
word to me in their lives.
"a lower berth to Chicago" said non
chalantly.
Lower berths all gone, sir. One uppe
left Will you have that?'
Certainly not, answered with SOM
asperity. II am an intimate friend ant
business associate Of Dr. Depews. If l d
not get lower berth on this train, h
shall most certainly hear Of it,
i II am very sorry began the conduct
/ or. But did not let him proceed. / say
that was making an impression, and
| determined to strike while the iron wa
| hot
Moreover, am the favorite first cousin
| of Mr.. w. Seward Webb, and he shall hea
| of it Also
"You know themp' exclaimed the con
ductor in blank establishment.
know them?" said L "Why, we wer
boys together. They're both in Europ
now, but when they get back you'll hea
from me.
"Why-why-this is DR.. Depew," salt
| the conductor, pointing to one of the gen
tlemen in the smoking compartment, 'ant
this is Mr.. Webb" The two gentlemen
began laughing uproariously.
| am man of action, and there was blu
one thing to do flung my bag through
the window of the flying train and jumps
| out after it,
| But the worst have not told to you.
I have since learned that Depew ant
| Webb were actually in Europe at the time
The conductor had simply called my bluf
and made bigger one.
But if ever l meet Mark Twain unde
the circumstances enumerated above pra.
| for him. --Tom Hall in Truth.