davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
A philadelphia Mrs. M.Iaprop.

There is a Mrs. Malaprop living up
town whose queer blunders in her ev-
eryday talk would fill good sized vol
ume, and most of them are funny
enough to deserve publication. She was
telling a neighbor the other day about
a friend of hers who had bought bicy.
Gle. HE went and bought the thing, T"
said she, "for $l5, and when he went
out to ride it the first thing you know
it fell apart. Why don't you go, SEE !
to him, and get a good wheel and pay
for it on the European plant " YesteI'
day she went over to neighbour house
for a recipe for mayonnaise dressing.
She said: "How dye do, Mrs. Smith?
l want to make chicken salad tonight,
and | thought I'd get you to give me a
recipe "-pronouncing it in two sylla-
bles-"for Moyamensing dressing"
Last winter her house caught fire and
was slightly damaged. 10 her friends
she explained that the trouble was oaus-
ed by a disinfeoted fue. On another O.
oasion an accident occurred on the street
opposite her house. She and her cronies
were discussing the affair across the
back fence. Il didn't know there was
an accident at all till / heard the ava.
lanche a-oomin down the street a-ringin
the bell. She also told Mrs Smith one
day that she had read in the paper that
milk was a good "anecdote" for poison.
philadelphia Record.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
DON'T.

Don't ride on Cur tracks.
Don't scorch. Leave that to tie cook
Don't ride until completely exhausted,
Don't wear anything tight-.not even
in your hip pocket.
Don't 20 to the right when passing
anybody on the road.
Don't cross street intersections faste1
than four miles an hour.
Don't turn to the left-eVer-whel
meeting men or vehicles.
Don't ride all over the road. Half q
it belongs to tho other fellow.
Don't ride more than 100 miles IT,
first day you are out on the streets.
Don't swear at o puucture. Try gun.
if you've left your mending tools
home.
Don't attempt u century run until
you have thoroughly tried yourself Oh
the road.
Don't ride without n bell. Take two
il you can get her to accompany you Oh
q tandem.
Don't poke fun at other riders unless
you've got very personal assurances that
You are IN AdOnis
Don't expect to save the first cost Of
your wheel in the first month. You'll
be lucky il you come out even.
Don't bend over until your back
would serve for a ohessboard and think
you are developing your lungs.
Don't run down every make Of bicycle
but your own. 1t takes all kinds Of
tastes to make bicycle world.
Don't let the wheel remain dirty
is next to godliness. This
applies to "bikeg" as well as to bodies
Don't look over your shoulder wher
riding on crowded thoroughfare. Keep
your eyes ahead and save your fellow
men.
Don't ride with both hands off the
handle bars. One man who tried that
has but one hand left with which to
steer his machine.
Don't run away like a coward from
an accident. IF you're in the wrong,
apologize; if it's the other fellow call a
policeman if he tries to thrash you.
Don't mount your wheel until all the
young ladies have been seated when
riding in company. All authorities on
bicycle etiquette agree unapimouslJ on
his point. New York Telegram
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
NO. 4S.
Refused the wrong pegrar.

II never refuse the plea Of beggar,"
says o leading member Of congress.
"You must not use my name and adver-
tise me as philanthropist, for / am
not. 1t is simply matter of necessity
with me. am obliged to give some
thing to every heggar, or l could not
sleep at night l made q bad mistake
once, and would rather give OCCASION
ally to the unworthy than to ever deny
assistance TO the worthy.
"Once upon time I was in st. Louis
ON business. 1t was winter, and you
know how cold that town can be when
it tries hard. l was out on the street at
II O'Clock one bitter night when chap
struck me for a dime. He was poorly
clad, looked hungry and sick, and 1
ought to have handed out the money at
once. / was just brute enough not to do
it, he followed me 100 feet, begging
and pleading, and / finally threatened
to have him arrested. He turned away
with sob In his throat, and went on
to the hotel.
"There was q big snowstorm that
night, and, next morning they found
him in drift, frozen stark and stiff. 1
saw the body and recognized it. The
pale face was pinched and drawn with
hunger and suffering, and the eyes were
as wide open as yours-great big blue
eyes, sunken back in their sockets and
staring at me in an awful way. Yes,
sir, they seemed to be fastened on me
alone and to follow me as moved
When l heard car drivers, draymen,
bootblacks and newsboys saying how
gladly they would have given the poor
wretch quarter to buy lodgings and.
food, l sneaked away, feeling that was
q murderer. It hurt mo more than /
can tell you. l don't wait now to be
asked for aims. l give to some who are,
no doubt, unSeserving, but l take my
chances on that. That thing rests like
murder on my conscience, and nothing
like it shall happen again. st. Paul
Globe.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
WINNING A RACE.
UhAlnpIOn Bald Tells How tho Crack CY.
clIst Does the Trick.


A good pair Of legs, proper conditions
and a steady nerve aud trains are es
seutial in race winning--onc as mucl
as the others. These, with what every.
body in the game calls "heart, f" vii
carry u man across the tape for his per
SentaSe of the prizes / can best de
scribe the term heart" by telling what
tho rider does who has it. Flo does not
get discouraged if another good one is q
little way ahead of him, when both are
only few yards from the tape. HI
never gives up until beaten, and then
only for that race. He isn't afraid OF
any competitor, no matter who He HIS
stiok-to-ativeness, if l may be allowed
the use of word that is not i'll the die.
tionary.
A race is not won until the tape is
crossed. A few final jumps just before
it is reached may mean winning. II
you are played out before the sprint, il
tine pace has been too hot. don't give
up. Remember the others may be jus.
es badly used up as you are, or even
worse. Let them do the quitting. When
you seem to be pushing as hard as you
can Oh the pedals push little harder,
for that is the thing, when you are IL
the sprint, that will win you the race.
e, G. Bald in New York Journal.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
Versatile William.

The Emperor William is probably the
most versatile of all the rulers Of Eu-
rope. There is nothing that he has turn
ed his hand to that he has not accom-
plished. His particular fad, so far as
trades are concerned, is printing, and it
Is related Of him that not long ago, aft
or he had composed piece Of music, he
went into a printing office, "set up"
and corrected the music and made it
ready to be printed. There is no other
monarch in all Europe who can boast Of
q similar feat. The Emperor William is
like the candidate for circus honors
years ago The manager asked him
what he could do The candidate said,
II can dance, sing, talk or do anything
you blamed pleased That is the exact
situation with Emperor William.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
IN. KANSAS, THURSDAY. JULY /, 1887.

foIco that every line ana letIer within
the mold is reproduced upon tie OUTSIDE
Of the bulb, while the sulphur, ccmbin
ing with the Leaf, accCmllisLes the
inflammation.
Tie final process takes place in the
cylinder room, where in slowly revolv.
ing tumbliIg barrels the uib Gndelgces
a thorough securing, When taken out
of the cy finders, the dirty yellow color
which the bulbs here On leaving the
mold has Disappeared, and they urc nUU
smooth, white and finished. The neck
being cut off the required length, thu
bulb is ready fer market or for the vali.
GUS fittings which accompany it as ad.
juncts to the syringe or alomizer. -
Rochester Union and Advertiser.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
The Scientific Mind.

At the Vagabonds' dinner Sir John
Robinson said be remembered in 1870,
when the air was full Of war and the
news intelligence thrilling, he met a
man Of science who asked, "My dear
fellow, when are you going to give US
something of interest in the papers
something ubout sun spotsl" This was
not a scientific joke, Sir John assured
his audience, but an actual symptom Ga
that mans mental condition. West
minister Gazette.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
alrna of RrnIn Erhau.tlon.

An alarmist doctor says that when
person begins to have doubts about the
spelling Of common words, to write an
unnaturally small hand that shows a
tendency to waver above and below u
straight line and to grasp the pen with
unnecessary force, especially at the end
Of long word, then that person is suf-
fering from brain exhaustion and ought
either to take complete rest or else to
6ud work of an altogether new and diff
ferent kind. San Francisco Wave.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
JUMPERS DEFEAT.
He Invaded the Kitchen and Then Fled
Before the Enemy.

He Invaded the Kitchen and Then Fled
Before the Enemy.
bridget has been SO cross and hate
full and impudent that there's been no
living with her today, said Mrs. Juni-
per when her husband came home the
other evening.
"Impudent, Mrs Juniper?" he re-
piled. "You don't mean to tell me that
you allow that servant girl to be impu-
dent to youl"
"Allow her, Mr.. Juniper? That Firl
would be impudent to an angel if she
happened to be ON her high horse. "
"Well, I'm not an angel by long
shot, but I'd like to see her be impudent
to ME, and if she's been saucy to you
she il have to apologize for it. ="
Don't you 60 near her while she's
in her present mood. You'd better keep
out of the kitchen. "
"Well, think / see myself keeping
out of my own kitchen if l want to go
into it. will go into the kitchen, and
I'll yank Miss Bridget O'Calligan down
from her high horse. )"
Needless of his wife's protests, Juni-
per went boldly out into the kitchen
and said:
"See here, girl, hear that you've
been impudent to your mistress. "
"Impedent to me mistress, is itP Be-
dad, an who are you to make lin huz-
~ av yersilf, comm out into me kitchen
to talk to me as ye talk to your wife.
Impedent, is it? Begorry, an vera foine
birrud to say 'impedent' to amy wan,
an if Oh
Look here, you
"Oi'm lookin here all roight, sorl
Ohm lookin yeez roight in de oye, an
it's Bridget O'Calligsn who'll take de
opporchewnity av sayin to yer ugly ould
face phwat she's had in moind to say
liver since she KEN into this house, for
Or-
"You impudent'--
"Aisy, now, aisy, me foine gintel-
min, or yell lave me kitchen wild dip
per av scaldin wather aroun your back
an the feet av Bridget 'Calligan assist
in We out. Whin man has the divil's
own tongue in lis head as ye have whin
things don't go his way, he's no call to
use his word 'impedent' to amy wan,
an whin he filings at me he'll git it STINT
back again, begorry, for it's not me
that's afeard av any two legged thing
that walks the green airth, an SOL
II tell you that
"Oi tell ye to kape yer tongue still
an not chip in whin your hetters has
the furel Open your jaw agin wbin a
Teddy is talkin, an Oi'll mop up me
kitchen flure wild ye an pitch ye out de
windy afterward. Oi will thatl Dim
not wan to take thatl Dim not one to
take impotence from the loike av ye, an
,0i''--
But Juniper had fled up the back
stairs, where he nearly went into an APP
,oplectio fit when Mrs. Juniper, who
had been listening at the head Of the
stairs, said between her giggles:
"Well, how did you come out, Mr..
Juniper?' Free Press.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
Enrland,, LArrs.t Orchard.

The largest orchard in Great Britain
is at TottingtoD, In the county Of
Gloucester. 1t is 500 acres in extent and
in some seaSons yields it, owner, Lord
sudley. a profit Of $50, 900. The trees
arc chiefly apples and plums.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01
The WATCHERS.
ye whose unrewarded eyes

o ye whose unrewarded eyes
Forever watch the oceans rim,
Your ships perchance meath friendlier sides
Rest far beyond your vision dim.
Perhaps in some sweet buy they wait
Where bides the primal, perfect day,
Where airs from springtime linger late
Or never perish quite away
In some faroff, diviner land
Who're never garnered wealth grows old,
Safe harbored they may wait your hand
To strike their sails and yield their gold.
Henrietta Christian Wright in Soribner's.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01

"Oi'm lookin here all roight, sorl
Ohm lookin yeez roight in de oye, an
it's Bridget O'Calligan who'll take de
opporchewnity av sayin to yer ugly ould
face phwat she's had in moind to say
liver since she KEN into this house, for
Or
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01

Mud wasps manifest great ingenuity
not only in building their nests, but in
placing them in localities where they
will not be injured ny rain or predictions
animals.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01

"Ostriches swallow rocks to help
grind their food.
"Yes, and poor. downtrodden man
grinds his own food and gives the rocks
10 his landlady. detroit Free Presa
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01

The verbena is indicative Of SeDsibil-
fly. This plant is said by some nAtu.
TalIsts to display almost animate reason
in choosing its habitat.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1897-07-01

For over 400 years every Psrthiun
ing bore tho name Of Arsaces in addi.
AN to his own.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20

A foreigner in Russia enjoys the
same civil rights as Russian subject,
except that he is not eligible to office.
Requirements for persons wishing to
become subjects of the Russian EN-
pire are the same for every foreigner
First, an application must be filed to
the ministry of the interior A
foreigner must reside at least five
years in Russia without intermission
before an application has been pre-
sented, the police authorities of the
district where the applicant resides
are instructed to inquire into the past
conduct of the applicant, and if this is
found satisfactory, the applicant is
usually granted, and the person is
notified to appear at the proper office
and there take the required oath of
allegiance.
A Russian subject becoming the
citizen of any foreign country without
first obtaining the consent of the Rus
sian government, is liable to punish
ment at any time he may return to
Russia. Atlanta Constitution.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
UNDER CARS IN A HAMMOCK.
Queer Device Constructed by Miehi.
gan Hobo.

gan Hobo.
A queer character, Jack the ham
mock rider, who lives by his wits" is
attracting the attention Of people
throughout the State Of Michigan.
Jacks hammock Is of his own con-
struction and bears the mark OF con-
siderable ingenuity. 1t is designed to
fasten under a sleeping car to aid
Jack in beating" the railroad The
hammock Is made CT heavy canvas,
quilted on the inside and fastened to a
stout stick at each end. Two large iron
hooks project from the wooden rods
and by these he attaches his novel rest
ing place to the two iron bars which
run the length of each side of the car.
Il cover is sewed to one side and al
most covers the ends. the Swed edge
being placed toward the engine, so that
the wind pressure will keep out the
dust as the car speeds along
But the interest in Jack" is not only
due to his peculiar mode OF travel, but
also to the fact that his life i'll fits a
man Of his characteristics. During the
recent campaign he attracted consid-
cradle attention as a stump speaker.
and by his ready wit he has gained a
friend in almost every town he has WIS.,
tied. Added to his natural propensi-
ties for entertaining is his wide expe-
rience and no inconslderable educa-
tion, which readily command the atten-
tion of any who chance TO speak to
l(,n. Neither working nor begging. he
prOcures his meals and shelter by dint
of clever invention and repartee. He
has taste for music. and, curious as 1t
may seem, is fond Of playing hymns on
the piano, during which performance
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
A wideawake Man.

A quarter of a century has passed
since John C. Suite, carpenter and
builder at 1923 Virginia avenue, has
had one wink of sleep. His last slum-
Der came SO many years ago that he
has forgotten what it is like to lie
down at night and awake refreshed
and reiuveuated. Sleep is an unknown
quantity with Suite, and while others
are buried in deep somnolency. he
either lies upon his bed and azes on
the stars, or, if in aresiless mood, takes
long walks oAtinto the country, return
ing at daybreak to begin work in his
little shop just north o. the house. -
ST. Louis Republican.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
NO.29.
THE PHILOSOPHER AND THE woRLr

HE PHILOSOPHER AND THE WoRLr
Life Is toll
Aud its days drag dreary,
When Death comes,
II finds us weary;
Glad 10 lie
With our limbs iaid straightly,
Eyes fast shut
That were tired SO lately.
Flesh and its ieetness
Under sod;
Soul's meek meetness
Gone to God.
Life is toll
And It's days drag dreary;
But. ah. toiis sweet
When your eyes shine. deary' ~
Tired am
At the days dusk closes,
Jired-but to rest
n your red love s-roses.
We're only
Under sod,
would be lonely
Up with God.
Post Wheeler. In New York Press.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
HUMOROUS.

''He's the most modest man / ever
knew" Eyes, he won't even tell the
naked truth"
Lena-Did Tom put his arm around
you last night2 Ethel-Of course.
Did you think I'd put it round for
him?
"When you told her father of your
trouble, did he offer to help you out?"
"I should say sol 1t took about a
minutem
Gertrude-Now, she wants that con-
sidered strictly confidential Emma
oh. yes l shall be very careful to
whom l tell it.
Ferguson-What IS the composition
of Roquefort cheese? Tipton-Roque-
fort cheese is not composition; it is
decomposition. "
"Miss Flyte. do you think Miss
Giggle is laughing at me?" 81 can't
say, Mr.. Softleigh. She often laughs
at almost nothing"
Mrs. Henpeck What makes you
talk 50 much in your sleep, Joseph?
Henpeck Scot, Maria It's
the only chance / ever get.
Cholly-rm afraid l must be going,
Miss Medway. My head aches tewib-
ly Miss Medway-Oh, don't let a
little thing like that upset you.
Mrs. Homespun Indignantly -
Here's an article says that in Formosa
wife costs five dollars. Mr.. Home
spun-Wa',a "A good wife is wuth it
at is automatically stated that the
Prince of Wales has changed the style
of his hat since the jubilee" ''Myl
myl what time of it he must have
hadr'
"What do you mean, sir, by saying
that know nothing about the rules
of base baIl?" you're an umpire,
aren't yo1? And professional UNI
pire, at that.
They tell me, Grimly, that your
daughter sings with great expression.
''Greaiest expression you ever saw.
Her own mother can't recognize her
face when she's singing at her best :"
Paw" asked Tommy, who had
been reading headlines, what does
charges of bad faith mean?" "Oh,
-er-I dunno" answered Mr.. Figg
absently. Another one of those
heresy trials, guess.
''How did you come out with that
piece of statuary?" asked the sculptor's
friend. "Not so well rs | expected.
The city accepted it without a muir
mnr, and got scarcely a column of
advertisement out of it. y
'You told me this horse had won
half dozen matches against some of
the best horses in the country. He
can't trot mile in six minutes to save
him" ''It was in plowing matches
that he took the prizes, sir. :"
DO you think you are expert
enough to take dictation from that au-
thor?" asked one typewriter of an
other. 81 guess so. If [ find I'm
falling behind, tell him it was be-
cause ! got interested in the story"
Old Gent Ito beggar whom he has
given cent Now, my man, what
shall you do with that coin? Beggar
Well, / hardly know, guv'nor,
whether to purchase an annuity or in
vest in railway stocks. What do you
advise?
Gilman Visiting Subbubs at Lone
somehurst) Why, what does that re-
versed flag mean? Subbubs-That is
where Commuter lives. 1t is a signal
we have here-a signal of distress,
aud means: "Coo1 has left. All in
vitations out for dinner declared off
until further notice p
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
GREEcE's JOAN OF ARC.

Woman Who Took the Field Against
the Turks is Only II Years Old.
Helene ConstaBdnides. the Greek
Amazon, is the daughter of an Athe
nian dentist settled at Tiflis. She went
as a volunteer to Epirus with the COM
pany of Bozzaris, a descendant of the
famous Marco She wore the regular
uniform. as shown in the picture, and
carried gun. She has rosy cheeks
and long, glossy hair, which she allows
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
Losing
Flesh

You naturally lose flesh in
the summer and running down
is so easy. You get a little
weaker each day without hard
ly noticing it. There is loss Of
appetite, headache. weakness
OF the muscles, disturbed sleep,
weakness ofmemory, and these
are the beginning of nervous
prostration. Iron and tonics
and bitters may afford some
temporary relief, but what you
need is a food for body. brain
and nerves.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20

he wears a sad and lofty expression.
His past life is a mystery. and in speak
ing of himself he refers only to his
years of travel Jack studied in Chi
cago at the Rush Medical College, in
tending to make medicine his 2rofes-
sion, but he prefers his rowing life and
declares he is the happiest hobo in the
xporld +"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20

TO float about her shoulders. Helene is
II years of age. When she marched
out of Athens at the head of the CON-
pany. carrying a flag, thousands lined
the streets to see her and flowers rain
ed from the windows. She has known
the use of firearms from childhood and
shoots better than nine out of ten Of
her male comrades. When asked why
she did not go as nurse or vivandiere.
she replied: Il am going TO kill Turks"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
SCOTS Emulsion

G! Cod-liver Oil with the Hy-
pophosphites, furnishes just the
nourishment needed for those
who are run down and pale and
thin and weak. ityou lose flesh
in summer take SCOTS Emul-
sion n0W. Don't wait till fall
or winter before beginning.
. For sale at sc. and sl.oS by ell druggists
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20
THE GOOD TIME BELLS.


on the
will bloom
top or
n
hpy Fe ech
again.
o themaiht
TheH be nkle and the For wan for
r. L.. stanton, h AidntaCo sttuton.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20

Puritan Youth (Sunds evening
long agol-Prithee, Priscilla, thinkes
thou it be truly goodly for married
folks TO kiss on rnday?
Puritan Maidel-I fe me not; but
thou knowest we he hVt ia'riel yet.
New York Weekly.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20

LA PLATA. MARYLAND, 1897
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20

Hc-"They tell me that the man
whom Mss Gidly married is a regular
tool"
Shs-'I knew that when he picked
her out of cll our set. Detroit Free
Z cpes
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-20

In Virginia, before 1866, there were
about sixty insane eolored people in
the asylums of that state, and now
there are over 1000.
The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1897-01-15
sTEREoPTICoN LECTURE

Given In Davenport Church Chapel
last Evening by Rev. Mr.. wilson
On Mountains Of North Carolina.
A large audience completely filing
Ahe lecture room was present at Daven-
mort church chapel last evening to
hear the stereopticon lecture given by
Rev. Mr.. Wilson of this city Fifty
views were shown of the scenery, in
dustries, fora and people of the noun
tain region In the western part of
North Carolina. Some of the views