Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-04-22
Wanted II Fixed.
WOMAN WHOSE FOUNTAIN PEN
DIDN'T WORK-THE REA.
son THEREFOR.


son THEREFOR.
She was in distress. The troubles
Of a pretty woman, as everyone
knows, are always more interesting
than those of homely, unattractive
stupid-lOOking woman. This par
ticular woman was rather pretty
Moreover, she was young, we'll
dressed and on the whole exceedingly
attractive in appearance. She had
come into town from one of the sub,
urbs, and was impatiently waiting
for the clerk in stationery store,
and when he finally came to wait
upon her. the cause of her distress
was apparent.
Her now fountain pen refused tO
work, to let down the ink. She
only knew it wouldn't work, and
she had taken the first train to town
to get it fixed.
" You see, madam" began the
salesman in explanation.
"See? | don't want to see any
thing. Now, for goodness sake.
don't try to explain anything TO me.
| hate reasons. | want pen can
write with. Here | am wasting nv
time, to say nothing of the railway
fare, to come to town to see you, all
because this pen won't write. |
don't know why, and / don't want
to know why. All l know is that it
won't work. Now fix it up as soon
as you can, so that I can go and not
waste any more time. That's all |
ask you to do"
But, my dear madam" began
the clerk once more, politely, "didn't
you read the directions ?n
" Directions! Directions! didn't
look to see if there were any direc.
tions. OF course, / didn't cad them.
| didn't want to know how to keep
your pens in order. They are sup
posed to be all right when you sell
them. I haven't asked you what
the matter is. l simply want you to
fix the pen"
The salesman looked it over and
said there was nothing the matter.
Then he filed it with ink and gave
it to her to write with.
Now, that's funny. 1t wouldn't
write for me. The next time it's
out of order I'll bring it right down
here again."
"You see, the reason that you
can't"
Reason Who asked for rea-
son? l told you 1 didn't want to
know the reason. If there is one
thing above another that ] despise
it's reasons. When my cook asked
me how l preferred the bread made,
l wanted it set at night or
the next morning, 1 told her
didn't care how she set it or when,
whether she made it at midnight on
the dark side Of the moon and stirred
it with rabbits paw. / didn't
care so long as she didn't bother me
Or whether she baked il from Sun
day to Tuesday. All l wanted was
to have good bread. Now, what
ever you do, don't explain things to
me. Then there's my doctor. He
asked me if my disease was due to
overwork. told him / didn't know;
that was his business. l didn't care
whether it was heredity or incipient
All wanted was to have
him cure me. Is the pen all right
now ?" she asked, as the salesman
proceeded to wrap it up.
" AS started to explain, madam,
you will have to"
"There you 20 again / don't
want you to explain. What do you
think | am, machinist, or an ex-
aminer of patents All 1 want is
that pen fixed so that | can write
with it. Now, if had button on
the wall Of my room that I had only
to touch in order to make it print
exactly what | wanted to write, in
another room down stairs, I should
not want to know how it was done.
| don't care how. It's results Pm
looking for. | hate this everlasting
There are people that
are forever saying that a certain
thing has happened because of some
thing else. What difference does it
make, any way, and what do l care ?"
" But what do you expect of
pen that"
Expect? Don't expect any
thing" retorted the fair customer,
getting red in the face. Here you
advertise fountain pen and you
are trying to make dupe of me-"
elf you will be kind enough,
madam, to let me tell you that you
have to fill the pen with ink before
you can use il, and unscrew the top
-
Fill it with ink before ! use it?
Take off the top? Waste my time,
worth three dollars an hour, tinker
ing with selfregulating, adjustable,
back-sliding, leyered af-
fair? Well, / guess not /; I'll use
lead pencils the rest of my life, or
carry around a bottle of ink to the
end of time, before I'll touch one Of
those things again. / always did
hate complications J" And the lit
tie woman slapped the pen on the
counter and swept out Of the door.
And stood there few minutes
wondering how long the patience of
the clerk would have lasted in this
discussion if this particular woman
had been homely, middle-aged and
generally unattractive.
SHE wore her hat very far down
over her eyes. 1t was very large
hat, and its proudest decoration was
a bunch of paradise tail feathers
She came into church with the most
deVOut air imaginable, and knelt for
a moment in silent prayer. The
bald-headed man Just in front of her
twitched uneasily. His head moved
from side to side. He lifted one
hand brought il smartIy down on