davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
PARROT SELLS PAPERS.
How a Bright Bird Earns His LIVING
in New York.

How a Bright Bird Earns His LIVING
in New York.
Grandpa jerks farm, where Flo ard
Harry were visiting, was not far from
New York city. One morning Grandpa
jerks said: Harry, to-day We'll take
Frolic to see a parrot that is smart
enough to earn his own living"
where shall we find such parrot?"
cried Harry.
Every day, on the New York side
of the ferry, pass place where par
rot does a thriving business" was
Grandpa jerks reply.
After dinner Grandpa and Flo and
] Harry and Frolic went over the ferry
into New York and there. near the
ferry, almost at once the children no.
ticed throng of men and boys around
little booth at a street corner and
al. seemed to be watching something
curious and amusing. AS they drew
nearer they saw that the booth was
news Stand-a news stand that APP
pcared to be tended only by 4 fine green
parrot.
The green parrot walked about over
the piles of newspapers, calling out:
"Paper, sir? Paper? Extra Sum-"
Grandpa jerks and his young people
stopped to look on. Every few mo-
ments some man would come up, take
a paper and toss two cents into a little
box upon which the green parrot kept
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Fine Was RENTED,

Judge Campbell had just heard the evi-
dence against young Mission hoodlum
charged with disturbing the peace
Il think you're guilty, young man." de-
clared the Judge. Funds in the treasury are
running low, SO | guess I'll have to get in
something toward my salary, as I'm getting
hard up. III fine you five dollars
you've got more money than l haze"
pleaded the prisoner.
But | haven't. Show up what you've
got, and the judge emptied his pockets,
which contained just SO cents in change, on
the desk.
The prisoner turned all of his pockets in,
side out and produced % cents.
You are worse off than | am" said the
Judge. Fine RENTED. You may go."-San
Francisco Post.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Little Girls Clever Guess.

A little girl who lives in Grafton re,
ceived an invitation to party which a
friend was about to give. The invitation
had been written by the small hostess.
After surveying the note with delight
for few minutes, the recipient said:
Papa, / wonder if it is a birthday
party?"
Let me see the invitation"
After brief inspection. be said:
"fes; 1t must be birthday party. ].
begins; Your presents Is desired, ~
Pittsburgh Observation-Disclosures,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Would Surrender.

Papa. what would you do if some
bad man with great big revolver was
to jump up in front of you some dark
night when you didn't have anything to
shoot with, and should point his re-
volver at you and should say: Your
money or your life?'"
Il should do just as do when mamma
says: James, dear, have to go down
town this morning and buy a few
things for the house. Let me have $35,
please. l should hand the money over.
Don't get the idea that am foolhardy,
child. Tribune.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
RHEUMATISM SCARED AWAY
4 Marvellous Cure Wrought with tn,
Aid of Il MOnstick.

you see l haven't a particle of rheu-
matism,' said the man with a horid
face and a voice that was intended by
nature for campaign purposes.
Il feel like a two-year-old. Never
have an ache orpain. Don't pay parti-
Gle Of attention to east winds, rains or
changes in the temperature. Eat three
meals day and sleep like top. Ayear
ago | went around smelling like bottle
of horse liniment. One time Id be on
crutches. Then I'd have an arm drawn
all out of shape or shoulder that was
of 10 earthly use. The last spell I had
was with my back and I was ready to
throw up the sponge.
What did l do it for? Everything
under the sun. I had horse chestnuts in
every pocket. l carried potatoes till
they petrified. I ate lemons till I was
as sour as looked. / took more kinds
of medicine than you can find in any
drug store. [ was in n boiled state for
six months from hot baths. was mas
saged into pulp. l travelled 800 miles
to have the disease charmed away, and
had it worse coming back than did go
ing. One day met little old man that
must have been 100. He was as spry as
kitten, yet assured me that from the
time he was from so to 70 there was
nothing of him but rheumatism. Even
his hair ached. He advised me to steal
dish rag and rub myself thoroughly
with it every morning. There was no
virtue in the treatment unless I stole
the rag.
II would have robbed a bank to get
relief. One afternoon slipped through
the back door of house into the
kitchen, grabbed a dishrag and started
to limp away. A 2oo-pound hired girl
let out Tipperary screech and took
after me with a mop stick. By the time
she had clouted rae once or twice 7 was
running like professional, and at the
end of half block | was out of reach
of her weapon. I've never had twinge
since. [ don't know whether the hired
girl, the pounding, the running or the
dish rag cured me. I'm rather disDosed
10 think that the rheumatism was
scared out of me" -Detroit Free Press.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
A b. & o. Novelty.

Among the many advertising novelties be.
ing issued by the B. & O. is one which is sure
to attract very considerable amount of at
tention. 1t is known as The Book of The
Royal Blue and is issued monthly by Col.
D: B. Martin, Manager OF Passe niger Traffic.
Of magazine size and filled with attractive
halftone illustrations and good reading mat
ter, The Book of The Royal Blue" is bound
to make a hit One splendid feature is a
LIST of names and address of every passenger
and freight agent
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

In western school, not very long ago,
little fellow was called upon to read
for the county superintendent, who
was paying the school visit. The bow
was a good reader i'll ali respects bu:
one-he gave absolutely no heed to
punctuation marks. When he had fin
ished the superintendent asked:
willie, where are your pauses?"
Willie dropped his book and held IN
both hands
Here they are, sir" be said.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
The BIZ cs.

ed Is Gf b 10, ind' e9cT
origin in dyspepsia All the ugly spirits that,
under the name of the blues" blue dew
u.s." ''megrims' and '.muligrubs' torment
the dyspeptic almost ccaseless!y, vanish
when attacked with Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters, that, moreover, annihilates bilious
ness, constipation. chiIls and fever, kidney
complaints and nervousness
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

The Cook-"Arrah, mum! Oh wish ye'd
kape out Nv the kitchen, entoirely!" The
few biscuits for my husbands supper,
Bridget-that's ALL The Cook bursting
into tears)-"Oh! thot's all, is it? An
yishterday evening We only wantid to make
few biscuits for my hoosban's SUPPER an
Danny Brennan, the cop, got hold av wan av
thin boi mishtake an ate ut; an God onl.
knows will he liver call here again ut all Ut
all!'-Puck
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
&C =
EXPERIMENT WITH MAGNETS,

In space. Secure two magnets of equal
power, placing them an inch or two
apart. Then make a small ball of paper
or other light material, fastening on
opposite sides bits of steel or similar
MEAL. Place the ball between the mag
nets, where it will assume of it's own ac-
cord fixed position, held only by the
attraction of the magnets, which act
on it as do the surrounding planets on
the earth.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
An Appropriate DESIGNATION.

Miss Trinkett-Elsie bushes very
readily. doesn't she?
Miss Twitters~-she does. She Ia the
,ery pink Of pFopsissy. - Louisville
Evurier-JeugaaL
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
The Sphinx's AGE.

The famous Sphinx near the pyra.
mlds OF Gizeh was thoroughly investi-
gated by Prof. Erman, who, at a recent
meeting of the Berlin academy, deliv-
cred a lecture about its probable age.
Careful researches show that it could
not have been built previous to the so
called Middle Kingdom" or about 1000
BE-. Between her front paws there was
originally the image of deity, ali trace
OF which has at the present time disap-
peared. For the building of the solos-
sal work more than 20 years must have
been necessary, even if 1900 men had
been employed oil the time.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

Fits stopped free and permanently cured.
No fits after first days use of Dr. Kline
Great Nerve Restorer. Free 81 trial bottle &
treatise. DR.. Kline, 1888 Arch ST., Phila, Pa
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

=. my . friends exclaimed the eloquent min;
look himself squarely in the eyes, and ask
himself what he really needed most, what
would be the first reply suggested to his
mind?' "a rubber neck" shouted pre-
cocous urchin in the rear of the room; and,
in the confusion which followed, the good
man lost his place in his manuscript, and
began over again.-Puck.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

In Bohemia-"Will you lend me FIVE shil-
lings, old chap? l want to lend it tc
Jones" why lend it to ,Jones?" "Well.
you see, he owes me five shillings and he
wants to return it."-Sketch.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Why the Owl Looks Wise.

The owls wise look is the result of
physical oddly, his eyes being fixed
immovably in their sockets; so when
ever he passes his eyes from one object
to another he must move his head.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Slightly Marked Down.

Does she really belong to the 400?"
."Um-well, | should call her about three
nlnety-eight."
The feminine intellect is prone to subtle
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Journal
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

"Why are ycz decorating, Mrs Murphy?".
"Me by Denny is coming home the day..
81 thought he was sent up for toive years"
YES, but he got year off for good be-
havoure"
"Surc. it must be comfortin' for yez to
have a good BY loike that "-Tit-Blts.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

One bad thing about the klondike gold
country is that it affords an excuse for so
many crank inventors to annoy people by
telling of the fool machines they are going
to build to get them thcre-Chcago Record.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

To Cure n Cold in One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money If it fails to cure. 25c.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

Newly Made Widow-"Ah! no one can
take Johns place. | loved him from thu
bottom of my heart" Friend (brishtly)--
ways room at the top. PUCK.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

Benedict (proudly)-"AIy wife kisses me
good night regularly" Rounder bitterly
Women are suspicious creatures, amt
ey?"-Boston Herald
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Star Plug Combines All Good Quail

All the desirable qualities you want in
tobacco are found IN Star plug to a special
degree. Its constant use produces no evil
effects
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

Piso's Cure for Consumption has saved
me many a doctors bills. +. Hardy,
Hopkins Place, Baltimore, Md, Dec. 2, 81.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

There is probably nothing in this world
as variable as the stories OF quarrel told
by each slde.-N ashington Democrat.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

He-"When first met my wife thought
she was one of the most economical women
in the matter of clothes had ever known"
She-"Yo on met her at the sea shore, didn't
you?'-Petit Journal Pour Rire.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

If some one would find a remedy for the
bad memories of debtors he would make a
fortune.-Ram' Horn.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Wcmarhood.


The health and we'll being Of mankind
depend upon the physical health and per-
Iectl0n OF womanhood. Among the diseases
which most impair the female constitution
are ieucorrhGa, irregular and painful men,
ecanty or too profuse menstrua,ion. These
diseases can be cured. DIR. Simmons
squaw Vine Wine is delightful remedy
70 take, entirely harmless, free from mar.
cotlcs, purely vegetable and produces no
unpleasant after. results. 1t Is uneoualled
as uterine tonic and curative agent for all
female diseases, as it is impossible for weak
ness OF the uterus and generative organs to
EXIST when IT Is faithfully and persistently
Woman's life which can be cured BY using
Or. NJ. A. Simmons Liver Medicine.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

We often wonder why so many people
tell the same story so many tlmcs.-N ASH
ington Democrat.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Hocd,c Di1Ic do not cause pain OF
lIOoNi . lI1o grippe. All druggists Csc
FAILING of tina Womb,

The cases of uterine displacement are
very numerous and constitute a prolific
cause of intense and wide spread su ffering.
Its symptoms are bearing down or dragging
sensations, pain or weakness in the back,
sometimes sense of goneness at the pit Of
the stomach. 1t may result from too fire.
quent childbearlng, wearing garments that
lifting, standing on the feet too long, and
general debility.
We would strongly urge the use Of DR..
Simmons Squaw Vine Wine which will
purify and vltalize the blood, give tone and
strength to the muscles OF the uterus, SO
that IT. will be kept in place. To facilitate
q quick and complete recovery, we recon-.
mend as an injection our Mexican Female
Remedy, which will produce the happiest
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
SIMPLE EXPERIMENT.
1t Shows How the Earth Is Held in
Position in Space.

a pretty experiment conducted by
terrestrial globe is kept in its position
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Halls Catarrh Cure
AIKEN informally Price Ilc.

Clerk-"You say You will take this ham
mock, miss" She-'Ies. but | want two
of them" Clcrk-'N Very well, madam" p
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

Statistics prore that nearly two
thirds OF The letters carried by the
worlds pcsta! service tie written, sent
20 and read by EnglAh speaking people,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

1east--"That man Doughton is very skep-
teal. Unless he sees thing, he won't be
lieve it exists." Crimsonbeak-'H never
ran into rocking chair in the dark, them"
-Ionkers Statesman
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04

First Burglar-''It's no use tryin' dat
place t'night, Bill. De man an his wife
went in bout an hour ago, an l heerd him
tell her he d buy her di mond necklace to-
morrer." Second Burglar-"What's dat got
t do wit it," First Burglar Plenty! She
won't be able t. sleep fer t'inkin' bout it, an
he won't sleep fer t'inkin how he's got t pay
fer it.'-Puck
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
Robert {. Lee, 5s:5.z z?sss? :ss

great nsw hoax just ready giving its and ancestry
saEtb fFst'ssas Co.. lite q Main %, HlesMssa, vs.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-11-04
MMR2zku%,oE

Walhalla, S. c., writes: I
have used DR.. NJ. A. Sim.
mons Liver NJ 9 dictne
more than 20 years, for Tor
pid Liver and Dizziness.
l take a dose every two
weeks and feel all right. I
know it is far Superior to
"Zeilin's Regulator" in my
case
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-01-14

- T. Ellis, while on a visit to AS
cension island, met an old FRIEND who
shock hands, reached down IL coat from
n peg and put iC Oh, saying:
excuse my not putting on a shirt,
will you!'
''Of course, of course" replied Mr..
Ellis. "Take off more of your clothes if
you II feel more comfortable.
"Nno. It's not that, but the fact is
haven't Il shirt clean enough to put on. :"
Mr.. Ellis could only murmur his sur
prise at this strange circumstance and
endeavored to look sympathetic. The
friend continued, Il dare say you think
it odd that don't have them wasSed?"
Mr. Ellis, hardly knowing what to
say, inquired, "Why don't you?''
Tho friend unfolded horrible tale to
the effect that the water supply of the
island consisted principally Of what
was distilled by Il condenser, small
quantity being obtained from Dampier' 8
drips and Brandeth wells; that water
was always so scarce that it was served
out like ration Of rum, only more
sparingly, the allowance in prosperous
times being two gallons Il day per man.
When clothes were sent to the wash,
the water for washing them had to be
sent with them. But the condenser at
that time had been out Ct order for some
nine or ten days, AID everybody Oh the
island had been PAT O. short allowance,
so that they had n~5 trcr.Ah for drink
ing, much less for',..s!.i4.,: either them
selves CT their cloll.ta - u1,lund Ore.
Gonian.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-01-14

and will become resident Of this burg.
We understand Mr.. Lyons is TO lave a
position in The new mill. Jimmie is all
right even ii he did vote for Mckinley.
We will forgive him this time if he will
promise not 10 do so any more.
O. c. Eennelson, the p,clerman at the
basket factory, is quite an Inventor.
His latest invention is II very compicat-
ed convcyor. The machine shows IL
great amount Of ingenuity, particularly
the method Of regulating the speed Of the
machine. We shall not attemp; dcs
cription.
The new fire bell came one day this
week and is now at the engine house.
Its gross weight is, including fixtures,
400 HIS and it is plenty large enough to
wake the entire town. Its cost in Gin
cinnati was Sl6D. 1t took a good deal of
"rustling' to &C. the bell but the fire boys
are of that kind and the citizens were
prompt in aiding the enterprise.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-01-14

"Thcy say" wrote Ben Jonson,
"princcs learn 10 art truly but tho art
Of Craftsmanship. Thoreason is the brave
beast is no flatterer He will throw q
prince IS soon as his groom.
Tho Greek theory Of education, as we
find it i'll Plato, was Of q twofold kind
zone of gymnastics relating to the body,
the other Of music for the sake of good
state Of tho soul" Briefly, as Mr.. Pa
ter expresses it, 90 gymnastic fused in
music. This system of education the
Greeks applied no less to the training
of horses than CT men. In the earliest
extant treatise on riding, Xcnophon
pointed out that horsomanahip, like
dancing, was dependent fundamentally
on tho play impulse, that for anything
to be done we'll it MUST be done for
pleasure; "what tho horse does under
compulsion is done without understand
Ing. and there is no beauty i'll it any
more than if one should whip and spur
dancer" Tho horse must become an
artist, too, in his manner, and uso his
limbs with lythlnical freedom.
SO far was this carried that Athonpus
relates how the Sybarites taught even
their horses to dance at their feasts to
the music Of the flute, and Oh one occa-
sion their enemies put their knowledge
of this habit to humorous account by
taking out flute players to battle and
winning the cavalry over to their side
by causing the horses to dance to ia
vorito air, just as the Pied Piper played
the rats of Hamelin into the Wesor
Quarterly Review.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-01-14

Apropos Of the proverbial quality
reigning in the breast Of every true
Bostonian, friend of mine Of q phil.
anthropic turn of mind noticed for sew.
eral mornings that the children Of the
garbage man accompanied their father
on his rounds and greedily ate certain
choice morsels which they extracted
from the garbage. This SO weighed up
OH 1e good mans heart that after care
full thought lie approached the father,
talked kindly with him and said, "Now,
why don't yoa take your family west
buy a little farm and give them Il com
Portable homo and liviEg?"
What" said the astonished man.
Bring up my children cut Ct Bostm!"
---Philadelphia Inquirer
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-01-14

The following anecdote well illus
trates the spirit of contentment preva-
lent with the negro in the south before
the war:
Jack was once asked by his young
master to make three wishes He was
told to take plenty of time and think
well before he spoke
After celebrating several minutes he
said, "Well, Marso Joe, want q pa +
of boots.
Jack" said his master, "when you
consider all the number of good things
in this world, can't you think Of some
thing better? Try again. Be careful. !"
"Well, Marse Joe, I always want to
have plenty Of fat meat. "
"Now, Jack, you have only one more
wish. Can't you think Of something bet.
ter than u pair of boots and fat meat?"
After thinking awhile he gave it up,
saying: "Marse Joe, if had par Of
boots and plenty Of fat meat, I doan'
want nuthin no."
This happy negro I knew personally.
He was born slave and has always
lived in Virginia. &C. G. Page, M. D.,
in New York Sun.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-01-14

Because they como from meteors,
bodies that fail i'll this way are called
meteOritcs, and for very many years
past all the lneteoritcs which have been
seen to fall or could be found, have
been carefully kept, SO that they may
be studied. We know, too, that they
have fallen in earlier times as well, be-
cause the histories Of nearly all ancient
peoples contain accounts of such occur
rences, and Of the homage paid to the
"sly stones" by those who thought
them gifts from the gods, or miraculous
objects. 1t is probable that the so called
goddess Diana who was worshiped by
the people CT Ephesus was meteoric
stone
n mass Of iron which proved to be u
meteorite was found III Texas u few
years ago at tho crossing Of number
Of trails leading in different directions.
1t was learned that it had been set up by
tho Indians as fetch, or object Of
worship, and whoever passed by was ex-
pectcd to leave upon it beads, arrow
heads, tobacco or other articles as offer
ings, since it was regarded as having
come from tho Great Spirit. Another,
which fell in India some years ago, was
kept decked with flowers, was daily
anointed and frequently worshiped
with great ceremony. There is preserved
to this day i'll the parish church of En-
sisheim, Alsace, Germany, stone
weighing over 200 pounds which fell
in the town Nov. 1G, 1892. The king,
being near at the time, had tho stone
carried to the castle, and after breaking
off two pieces, one for himself and tho
other for the Duke Sigismund, ordered
the remainder to be kept in the church
as a miraculous object, and it still
hangs there. suspended by a chain from
the vault of the choir. -Olivcr G. Far
rington in st. Nicholas.