The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1897-03-18
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Lives of Presidents remind us
That with fair degree of luck,
Departing, we may leave behind us
The bones of many juicy duck.
PHILADELPHIA North American

Inc bones or many juicy duck
Philadelphia North American.
Go West, young man, and grow
tough with Nevada. kansas CITY
Journal
The thieves who locked a New
York butcher in his ice box and
told him to keep cool while they
robbed his shop must have got
their training under political
boss.-Pine Island Record.
De Short Ito his tailor) I'll
send my spring trousers down and
get you to reseat them.
Tailor-Very we'll, sir. Send
the money down and I'll receipt
the bill also.-St. Paul Globe.
Judge-How did you come to
steal this chicken? Prisoner
Heredity, your honor. Judge
What do you mean, sir? Prisoner
My ancestors landed on
Plymouth Rock.-New York
Tribune.
Quite number of the men who
attended the Bradley-Martin ball
in fancy costumes are seriously i'll
from the reckless exposure of their
calves. It is natures protest
against the 400 calf.-Minneapolis
Journal
Another of our war vessels, the
Puritan, has sprung a leak or
blown out a cylinder head, or
sprained her knee, or done some
thing to put her on the sick list.
Ii this thing keeps on we will have
to roll up our trousers and wade
out far enough to lick Spain with
shiny sticks-St. Paul Dispatch.
A New York chappie boy will
soon have coming out tea" It
will be given under the auspices Of
his elder brother. All the dudes
Of the 400 are in a flutter over the
receipt Of exquisite cards Of invi-
tation. One real American boy
could expectorate on his hands and
"ick' the whole tea.--Minneapolis
Journal
A man in Kansas declares that
he makes his hens lay by feeding
them old newspapers. He says he
tears the paper into shreds and
soaks in sour milk, until the whole
mass becomes a pulp, when it is
fed to the hens, and he claims
that it adds greatly to their egg
producing capacities. Thus is the
newspaper becoming a greater in
strument of civilization. by minis
tering to the material as we'll as to
the mental wants of humanity
Ellinwood (Kans.) Advocate.
Anthony Comstock who muses.
in much and has done good work
too-having confscated sundry
copies of a book in New York the
other day, explosively informed
the arrested dealer that if he had
sold a copy Of the book to his
daughter, he, Comstock, would not
have waited for the law, but would
have shot the man without further
parley. Fool talk, this, from one
who has been useful only because
of law.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Government Of Argentina
has recently passed an extraordi-
nary law to make marriages COM
pulsory for all eligible persons.
After January LIST, 1897, every un-
married male between 20 and 80
years Of age will be obliged to pay
a monthly tax to the State. The
law also provides that should any
celibates of either sex refuse an
offer Of marriage without good
reason they must pay $500 to the
person refused.-St. Louis Post
Dispatch.
Robert Fitzsimmons, erstwhile
the New Zealand blacksmith, now
the pink-headed hyperbolist Of
Cooks Ranch, Nevada, is an orna-
ment to the ''perfesh." Note his
airy language, II am preparing to
shatter the Corbett bubble" and
doubt his ability as a pugilist if
you can. We we're long since con-
vinced that Mr.. Corbett's head
might fifty be denominated a
bubble" but we are shocked to
perceive how glibly Robert slips
from plain ''jawing'' into poetry
Up-To-Date.