davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
SOLOMON'S ADVICE.
A Variety of Simple Means For Restoriy

AeCbtOEInk
the Health.
Each week there appears in a certain
periodical, which need not be mentioned
by name, a column headed "How to be
well and live to a good old age"
Anybody who has leisure sends the
copy in to the compositor, but it is al
ways signed Solomon"
1t isl very popular column, and MANY
people pin their faith to Solomon, whom
they believe to be an old physician of
great experience.
Mr.. Trustful has that idea of him.
The gentleman is an elderly bachelor
who lives at a boarding house where
economy is studied rather than tender
ness IN the purchase of the beef and
where the pie crust is always heavy.
Consequently he suffers from indiges-
ton and insomnia and was delighted
when Solomon touched on those Attic
lions in his valuable column.
Solomon said that in order to slumber
as peacefully as a babe upon it's moth.
er's bosom-by the bye, l often wonder
why people make that comparison; do
UlCy bllHh ullS utpI 1lbblG creatures
shrek i'll their sleep at intervals of half
an hour or less, or do they never live
next door to a baby?-Solomon said
that in order to do this and also to
have a perfect digestion and awake
without that tired feeling and a furred
tongue every II must eat nine or
ten apples every night before retiring
and as many as he or she can manage
through the day, 1t was such a simple
method of restoring ones health, Mr.,
Trustful said. But those grand physi-
clans were not afraid to prescribe sim
pie remedies.
The next night Mr.. Us pockets
bulged in the most peculiar fashion. He
had bought out the old apple woman at
the corner and retired early 'to MUNICH
and MUNICH and MUNICH"
He did not sleep at all that night, but
a cure could not be expected in a day,
and he went on eating apples until, a
little later, Solomon stated that every
one who desired to be healthy, wealthy
and wise, above all to be a sound Sleep
er, must partake of onions to an unlim-
tied extent before retiring. He said
nothing about leaving off apples, SC MI.
Trustful simply added onions to his bill
of fare, until no one to whom the odor
of onions vas obnoxious could come
within a yard of him.
By that time Solomon had discovered
that celery was your only true soporitic
if eaten before retiring.
A bunch of celery was now added to
Mr.. Trustful's nightly repast, aud now
Solomon has given another piece Of nd.
vice-a quart of water Us mean boiling
point as possible, again taken just be-
fore retiring" Mr.. Trustful bought Il
gas kettle and dutifully scalded his
throat at the appointed time, proceed
ing with the fruit and vegetables as be-
fore. l have not seen that gentleman
for some time, but l notice that Solo
mon now recommends Holsters and crabs
to provokcEsst and digestion, and ! sup,
pose Mr. Trustful still believes in him
and follows his counsels as before. l feel
rather anxious as to his welfare.
MARY KYLE DALLAS.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Albert Rockingham and John Dawson
had been boys together. Albert had al
ways gone to Sunday school and obeyed
his parents, but John had been a bad
boy He had loved to torture kittens,
to destroy birds nests and to make lit
tie girls cry
In time they grew to manhood and
loved the same oma
Julia Birdsall worshiped Albert
Rockingham until he was arrested for
highway robbery and sentenced to the
penitentiary for 81 years. Then her
heart turned to stone.
Julia" he cried as they were lead
ing him away Julia, Julia, / ana in-.
~nocentl'
But she gave him the .Chilkat pass
and tainted in the arms of John Daw-
son, who smiled sardonically and NUT
tered:
$50 much, Albert Rockingham, for
being a good boy and going to Sunday
school"
Twelve years. passed-I2 weary, sor-
row laden years. during (which John
Dawson made love to the woman who
had promised to be Albert Rocking
hams wife and collected the rents that
the falsely accused man ought to have
had
But Nemesis had all along been bid
ing her time. and one day, when John
Dawson wasn't looking. she stole up
and hit him on the solar plexus.
Two days later Albert Rockingham
emerged from prison, weighing II
pounds more than he did when he was
sentenced.
"Julial" he cried when she stepped
forward at the depot.
"Albertl" screamed the beautiful
girl and their lips met.
Then John Dawson was led away,
gritting his teeth and swearing that he
was not through yet.
Vain threat. He rotted in a dungeon,
while Albert and Julia raised a large
family and were truly happy.
Thus virtue had tripmphed, but un-
fortunately this didn't happen in real
life.
1t was just a 30-cents- for-the best
seat melodrama. cleveland Leader.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
The Fencing Fad.

Fencing is the present fad among up
to date girls. The proper costume to
don for this sport is a gymnasium suit,
with quilted chest pads, wire mask and
gauntlets. In this the fair fencer goes
through a series of instruction at a gym
nasipm until she is able to handle the
foils expertly and indulge in a spirited
bout, The latest thing is to have a pri-
yate "armory'' in ones OWL house.
This custom was started some years ago
by smart Frencbwomep.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Send your address to H. E. Ruckien q,
Co Chicago. and get a free sample box Of
DIR Kings New Life Pills A trial will
convince you of their merits. These pills are
easy In ACTION and are particularly effective in
the cure Of CeHstipation and Sick Headache
For malaria and Liver troubles they have
been proved invaluable They arg guaranteed
to he perfectly free from every deieleyIous
substance and to be pureiy vegetable They
do not weaken by their action. but by giving
tone to stomach and bowels greatly ~invigorate
the system. Regular size IS. per box. Sold
at Harry Guests Drug Store.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
MOONLIGHT.
BY LoNGFELLow.
As a pale phantom with | lamp

AS pale phantom with / lamp
Ascends some ruin'd haunted stair.
so glloes the moon along the damn
Mysterious chambers of the air.
NO" hlooen In cloud, and now revealed,
As If this phantom, full of pain,
Were by the crumbling walls concealed.
And at the windows seen again.
Until at last, serene and proud
In all the splendor of her light,
She walks the terrace of the cloud,
supreme as Empress of the Night.
l look, but recognize no more
Objects familiar to my views;
h very pathway to my door
Is an enchanted avenue.
All things are changed. One mass of shade
The elm trees drop their curtains down;
by palace, park and coIonnade
L walk as in a foreign own
TIE very ground beneath my feet
Is cioChed with a diviner air;
" h!te marble paves the silent street
Aud glilnmers in the empty square.
liluaion! Underneath there lies
The common life OF every day;
Only the spirit glorifies
With its own tints the sober gray.
In vaiA we look, in vain uplift
Our eyes to heaven, if we are blind;
We see but what we have the gift
On seeing; what we bring we find.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
CURE

In January, 1895, 1 was paralyzed on
my left side. Shortly afterward nv feet
ana mos commenced swelling. A year
ago l came here from Paducah to die at
my daughters home. I passed nearly a
year OF suffering and about February lat
! was without hope. l had not lain
down for months, was very badly swollen.
my legs measured twenty. six inches
around the calves. My urine contained
over 4O per cent. albumen with other
Impurities. The first box of the pills
removed nearly all the swelling, and |
nave gone to bed every night since
Now after taking four boxes | can walk
a mile without stopping, and my general
nealth IS better than it has been for six
years: | am still taking the medicine
aid do nothing but talk it. l have been
the cause of quite a number of persons
using it with good results in every case
My doctor is using and recommending
the pills. He was very much surprised
at their action at irst, having no faith il
them. You can't know how thankful :
am for my recovery, and my praise O,
the pills never ceases. Wishing You al
the snccess in the world Yours trniv'
JOHN P. ZELNER, Grab Orchard, Ky.,
Mr.. ZNlner when he resided at Paducah
was Sheriff and County Commissioner 4
McCraoken CO Nv ~
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

necessity for 1t.
If men only knew it, they could work to
almost any extent on through middle life
and into old age, if they would only take a
little common sense care of their health.
The trouble Is that they do not take the lit
tie stitches here and there that are neces-
sary to preserve health. They pay no at
t~ention to the signs of on-coming ill-health.
A little b~iliousness, a little indigestion, a
little loss of sleep and appetite, a little
-ervousnes a little headache, a little
shakiness in the morning, and a little dull
ness all day, a little this and a little that
all these little things they neglect. DR..
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery makes
the appetite keen, digestion and assimila-
ton perfect, the liver active, the blood pure
and the nerves steady. 1t is the great
blood maker and fesh-builder. It is the
great liver i~nvigorator and nerve tonic. 1t
fits a man to work and work and work.
Medicine dealers sell il and have nothing
else "just as good"
IT was a sufferer five or sig years from indi-
gestiou,' writes B. r. Holmes, of Gaffney,
Spartanburg Co., 3, G.. also from sore stomach
and constant headache. then used DR., Pierce,s
Golden Medical Discovery and Pleasant Pei
let's which In a few days gave me permanent
relief"
A man or woman who neglects coustipa-
ton suffers from slow poisoning. Doctor
Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure constipa-
ton. One little Pellet is a gentle laxa-
tive, and two a mild cathartic. All medi-
cine dealers sell them.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

w ASTEn-Trustworthy and active gen.
w II mrn or ladies to travel for respon-
sib'e. .si"blished house in New Jersey
Monthly SO 90 and expenses. Position
steady Reference. Enclose ~selfaddressed
stamped envelope. The Dominion Com
pany, Dept 7, Chicago. 9-24
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
Elizabetb. N. i. Oot. 19. 1896

Elizabeth, n. J., Oct. 10, 8 9
ELY Bros Dear Sirs:-Please accept
thanks for your favor in the gift: of a
bottle of Cream Balm. Let me say l
have used it for years and can thoroughly
recommend it for what it claims, if direc-
tiops are followed. Yours truly,
lRev.) Fl. W. HATHAWAY.
No clergyman should be without it.
Cream Balm is kept by all druggists.
Full size 300. Trial size 10 cents. We
mail it,.
ELY BROS, SO Warren st., N. Y.
City.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Christian people in churches who say,
"What a pity. what a pityI" But let
the day OF prosperity come to a Chris
tian church, and let the music be tri-
umphant and let there be vast assem-
blages, and then there will be even min
listers Of the gospel critical and deDun-
ciatory and full of Misrepresentation
and Justification, giving the impression
to the outside world that they do not
like the corn because it is not ground
in their mill, Oh. my friends, let us in
all departments of life stand back from
deception.
But some one says, 1.-THE deception
that l practice is SO small that it don't
amount to anything" All, my friends,
it does amount to a great dealt You
say, When | deceive, it is only about
a case of needles o. a box of buttons or
a row of pins" But the article may be
SO small you can put it in your vest
pocket, but the sin is as big as the pyra-
mids, and the echo of your dishonor
will reverberate through the mountains
of eternity. There is no such thing as a
small sin. They are all vast and stu
pendous, because they will all have to
come under inspection in the day Of
judgment You may boast yourself of
having made a fine bargain, a sharp
bargain. You may carry out what the
Bible says in regard to that man who
went in to make a purchase and depre-
ciated the value of the goods and hen
after he had got away boosted Of the
splendid bargain he had made. "It is
naught. it is naught, saith the buyer.
but when he is gone his way, then he
boasteth. 1t may seem to the world a
sharp bargain, but the recording angel
wrote down in the ponderous tomesefs
eternity. MIR. So-and-so, doing business
on Pennsylvania avenue, or Broadway,
or Chestnut street. or State street, told
one lie"
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Jones-'Say, some of these old maxims
give me a pain. Now, there's that one
about a friend in need being a friend
indeed.
Smith-Well, what's wrong with that?
Jones-Why, l should think a friend
indeed was one who wasn't in need
Chicago Nea0s.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
BRIGHT'S DISEASE

IS the most dangerous of all diseases
that AFFECT mankind because it does not
its approach by unmistak-
aple signs. Its symptoms are those
which often indicate other ailments.
n are Headache, Backache, Dizzi.
ness, Sleeplessness, Blurred Vision. &c.
when it gets a firm hold it is hard TO
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

"Why did you discharge Darrow?
Didn't be do his work satisfactorily"
"Oh, yes, he attended TO business all
right. but my typewriter got to thinking
the blamed fool was the best looking man
in this town.-CleoeLdnd Leader.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

was given many blood remedies without
relief, and treated by the best doctors.
He seemed to get worse all the while,
however, and the disease finally resulted
in curvature of the spine, making him
utterly helpless.
1.-THE bad sores on his neck increased
in size, and were a source of constant
pain. He was in this pitiful condition
for two years, when some one recon-
mended S.S.S., stating that it had cured
some of the worst cases of blood diseases.
As soon as his system wa under the eff
feet of the medicine, the sores began to
get better, and in eight days were COM
pletely healed. Before long he could
walk on crutches, and was improving
every day. In three months he threw
aside his crutches, for he had no further
use for them the dreadful disease had
been eliminated entirely from his sys.
tenn, and he was restored to perfect
health. The cure was a permanent one.
as no sign of the disease has returned
for ten years."
SIS, is . real blood remedy, and
promptly reaches all deep-seated and
obstinate blood diseases, It matters not
what other treatment has failed. It is
the only remedy which acts on the cor
Feet principle of forcing the disease from
the system aaa getting rid Of it perma-.
nently.
S. S. S. is a sure cure for Serofuia,
Cancer, Gatarrh, Eczema, Rheumatism,
letter, and all other blood diseases. It Is
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Customer-Are my clothes ready?
Tailor-Not yet, sir.
Customer-But you said you would
have them lone if you worked all night.
Tailor-Yes; but l didn't work all
night.-Harper's BazGr.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
tuesday. the 2sth dax of netoher

Next, the said Board of Registry and Elec-
ton Will meet at the same place of their
meeting aforesaid at one O'Clock, T. NJ, and
remain in session until mine o'clock in the
evening. tor the purpose of revisit, & and
correcting the original registers. of cd,ng
thereto the names of al. per> ons entitled 10
The right of suffrage in that election district
at The next election, who shall appear in
the written affidavit of some voter in such
election distii / 10 be IL legal voter therein,
ana of elasing therefrom the name of any
person, who, after II fair opportunity to be
heard, shalt befshoWH not 10 be entitled to
vote therein by reason of non residence or
otherwise.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

40 Cure Constipation Forever.
Take Cascarets Candy Cathartic. Zoe or 25c.
Ii &C c. fail to cure. druggists refund monev.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
Purely Vegetable

and is the only remedy guaranteed to
contain no potash, mercury or other
harmful mineral.
Books on blood and skin diseases will
be mailed free to any address by the Swift
Specific Company, Atlanta, Georgia.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Nov, Robbie" said mamma just be-
fore the company sat down to dinner,
remember, you must not ask for more
pie" Robbie didn't; but he finished his
first piece with much promptness, took a
long breath, and addressed himself very
audibly to the guests at his right; "Ain't
that dandy pie?" he asked .-Jadge.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Old Gentlemap-Why are you crying,
my little man?
Small Boy (sobbipg)-I-I dreamt last
night dat de school burned down, and.
Old Gentleman (sympathetically)-Ohl
but | don't believe that it has!
Small Boy-Neither do IL kin see de
top of it right over de hill deere Puck.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

-[N~rN(-4
PITTsGRovR.
Old Church, Centreton.
BOROUGH OF ELMER.
Surran's Hall.
U. P. NECK
Central School House. HT't
BOROUGH Oh PENNsaRovE
Odd Fellows Hall.
MANN1NGToN. ss
Town Hall.
s,-rt4- y L. p. MICK
Acton's Restaurant.
ALLowAY.
Town Hall.
Town Hall.
@ - ELsINBoRo.
Union chool House.
l.. A. CREEK.
Holidays Hall, Harmersville.
UPPER P~ITTsaRovE.
Fox's Hall, Pittsgrove.
oLDMANs.
Red Mems Columbian Hall, P~edricktawn.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

"Of course I will be bomelier some day,
DEAR" she whispered. Impossible" he
replied. CALAMITY, and he marvels that
she sent his presents baok.-Der01 Free
Prpee
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
The nj ~asquerade.


May God extirpate from society all
the ecclesiastical lies. and all the social
lies, and all the mechanical lies, and
all the commercial lies, and all the ag-
ricultural lies, and make every man to
speak the truth of his neighbor My
friends, let US make our life correspond
to what we are Let us Danish all de-
ception from our behavior Let US re-
member that the time comes when God
will demonstrate before an assembled
universe just what we are. The secret
will come out. We may hide it while
we live, but we cannot hide It when
we die. To many life is a masquerade
ball AS at such entertainment gentle
men and ladies appear in garb of kings
or queens or mountain bandits or clowns
and then at the close of the dance put
off their disguise. so many all through
life are in mask. The masquerade ball
goes on, and gemmed hand clasps gem
med hand. and dancing feet respond to
dancing feet, and cleaning brow bends
to cleaning brow, and the masquerade
ball goes bravely on, but after awhile
languor comes and blurs the sight.
Lights lower. Floor hollow with sepul-
chral echo. Musr sA&dAsaBdAto~a wall
Lights lower. Now the masquerade is
hardly seen The fragrance is exchanged
for the s~ichaning odor of garlands that
have lain a long while in the damp of
sepulchers. Lights lower. Mists fill the
room The scarf drops from the shout
.ders09"beauty, a shroud- Lights lower.
Torn leaves and withered garlands now
hardly cover up the ulcered feet. Stencil
of lamp wicks almost quenched. Chok-
ing dampness. Chilliness. Feet still.
Hands folded Eyes shut Voice hushed.
T iOhfo ont H"
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
NOTICE!
NOTICE is hereby given that an election
IN Will be held in Salem county OF
tuesday, November 2, 1879.
At which candidates for
Member If General Assembly and
Surrogate
tuesday. the I2th dav of Oetober
win be voted ia

Next. at the place s OF their respective eiec-
non districts OF pfecir els where the next:
election will be held. AT ten O'Clock IN the
morning, and continue in session until nine
O'Clock in the evening, for the purpose of
llahsclibfng and making up from the can
vnssing DO, ks Two lists of registers OF the
names, residences and street numbers, If
any of all persons in their respective cleo
ut the next election, or who shall personally
appear before them Tor that purpose or who
snail be shown To the satisfaction OF such
Hoard OF registry and Election to have
legally voted i'll that election district at Uhe
last preceding election therein TO Member
OF The General Assembly, or who shall be
voter in that election district to be Il legal
voter therein; and further. that ON
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

First Passenger-Would you-ah-lend
me your speetacIes a moment, plesse?"
Second Passenger-Certainly, ST.
First Passenger-Ah-tbsnk you; now,
as you cannot see to read your paper,
would you mind letting me have it,
please TIT Bits.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

"She is very charitable, isn't sht?"
"Oh. yes, indeed ! Ig's almost Der only
amusement - Chicago Journal.
~
strapger-''Are you the religious
EDITOR"
The Editor-"I can not tell a lie. am
only the editor of the religious Opart-
ment.-hdiaaapOhs Journal.
+
Dixon-YOung S0ftIsigh doesn't seem
20 be travelling at such a rapid gait as
formerly,
Hixon-No; he punotured the tire on
his wheel of Iortune:-C Chicago Neaos.
Wy
She-Would you love me more if had
a million dollars?
He-Of course | would. l would have
more time.-EndianGpo8s Journal.
~
jacks Charlie a man to be trusted?
Cholly-I'd trnst him with ms life.
Jaok-Oh, yes, I know. But would you
trust him with $5?- Brooklyn Life.
x%x
Street Car Conductor &c driver)-"I
wonder what that man is running so hard
fol?"
Driver Cooking bacb)-"Mebby the
fool wants ter git on. G'langr'-N. Y.
Weekly.
Jeau-'Fact lie, l married because |
was lonely. as much as for any other
reason. To put it terselg. 1 married for
sympathy"
Henri-"Well, you have mine."-LG
Rirq.
PercyL wonder why we say that love
is blind?
Gerald-Because we so often see a
pretty girl fall in love with some 9th ell
man. brooklyn life.
~
Priscilla-s'When Charlie started &c
kiss Clara the other night she called GU
for help"
Patrice-'Couldn't she hold him
alone?"-YO nkers Statesman.
~
Forester -You live in q quiet part o
the town, do you not?
Lancaster-Not now.
Forrester-Moved?
Lancaster-No.-Got twius.-Ta-B BITS
Mrs. Newwed-"My husband AWAY
gives me q k iss when he goes to get
scuttle of coal"
Mrs. Oldwed-"Weli, in about a yea
you'll be lucky if you get the coal."-
Brooklyn Life.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Visitor-''What is that strange noise
over head ?"
Mrs. Smythe-"Ob, it's only the lawn
mower. The girl upset a bottle of my
husbands hair restorer on the hair
mattress, and it has to be shaved every
evening."-Pcb Me-Up.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

She-"Do you really believe that
Gabriel will sound the trumpet for all of
us on the last day?"
He-"Well, 1 am sometimes half in
clined to believe that some will insist
upon blowing there own horn even then"
Cleveland Leder.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

"I'm sorry to hear you have been i'll
Had you to keep your bedP"
mo, miss; l had to sell it."-Ptck Me-
Up.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
"He was young, but ardent.

"He was young, but ardent.
81 wish | were the glove that presses
your lovely hand" be said to the charm
ing maid.
"She glanced at him with a bewitching
smile.
AREN'T you enough of kid as it is?''
she softly asked LeUelGnd Plain Dealer.
~
"I'm sorry to hear you have been i'll
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
A LITTLE FUN.

She is very charitable, isn't she?"
"Oh. yes, indeed | Ig's almost Der only
"-Chicaq0 Journal.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Mrs. Newwed-''My husband always
gives me a k iss when he goes to get a
scuttle of coal"
Mrs. Oldwed-"Well, in about a year
you'll be lucky if you get the coal."-
Brooklyn Life.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29
ALL LIES ARE BLACK
REV. DR.. TALMAGE SAYS THERE ARE
NO WHITE ONES.

He Refers Specially to q Variety of Liars
Graphic Picture of q Masquerade Ball.
The Monitor-register., 1897-10-29

Priscilla-'Wheu Charlie started so
kiss Clara the other night she called out
for help"
Patrice-''Couldn't she hold him
alone?"-Yonkers Statesman.