Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-07-22


anything never like to see a. nidn WITH
out means blow himself just to keep
up with tie procession.
"Does your minister practice what he
preaches?" HE has preached It 80
often he doesn't need to practice 1t any
more. detroit Journal.
waiter, 1t is almost half an hour
since l ordered that turtle soup" "Sor-
ry, sir, but you know how slow tur-
ties are."-London Tid-Bits.
Bass-Was that baby talk your wife
was talking as came in? Fogg-That
was mother talk; no baby ever saw
INDUCED In such gibberish.-Boston
Transcript.
The Chaperon-Yous should never run
down your friend, my dear. The Chap
eroned-No danger Of that; they can all
beat me at scorching.-New York Even
ing Journal.
Doctor Ito female patienD-You have
a slight touch Of fever; your tongue
has a thick coat Patient excited
ly)-Oh, doctor, do tell me how 1t fits
Fact and Fiction.
Mistress-Now, you must always
sweep well behind the doors, Mary.
Mary-Yes'm, trust me for that; IFS the
only way one can get the dust out OF
sight.-Pick- Me-Up.
Teacher want each of you TO make
sentence, using the word delight In
1t. Small boy (colored)-De wind come
in de windAr an blowed out de light
Philadelphia Ledger.
He-I wonder If that couple are mar
ried She-Certainly not. Hell
can you tell? She-Why, they've been
| talking to each other for nearly half an
hour.-New York World.
is this a healthy portion of the
Slater" asked traveller in Arkansas.
"Well, should say 1t is. There has
been nobody hung about here in three
months. "-Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Sweet-Do you find it economi-
cal to do your own cooking? Mrs.
Burnem-Oh, yes; my husband doesn
eat half as much as he did when we
had cook.-Boston Traveller.
1--WE have much new and valuable
information concerning the Hittltes,
the Invites, the Jebusites and the Moab
ites." His friend-How about the
Mosquitobites? -Household Words.
Poor chap! Bright fellow, but a
hopeless idiot. Judge, from his talk
"No, indeed; he's merely quoting lit
tie passage from the latest Scotch nov
el."-Cincinnati Commercial-Tribunc.
Clara-Are you not afraid, Maud, to
marry old Dodderly? l hear he gets
horribly jealous without any cause.
Maud-Don't be anxious, dear; I'll take
care he never does Enthusiastically.
Its funny the shurref amt scourin'
the country for them stage robbers"
said the postmaster. Il guess, ven
tured Rubberneck Bill, that he amt
got the and."-Indianapolis Journal.
Wiggins-what makes you so certain
of Bawlers patriotism -Boggs-Why,
he lust boils over with indignation
when he hears Of the wrongs of for
eigners that we have no interest m!-
Truth.
Widow-Is it true, captain, that a
sailor has a wife in every port? Old
Tar (savagely)-Madam, the sailor
needs the time he has ashore for rest
and amusement.-Philade North
American.
PROFESSIONALISM is the best cure for
prolonged emanciation? Medical stu
dent-Throw the patient in the air.
Professor-Eh? What? Medical stu
dent-Hell come down plump.-New
York Press.
"AIy good man, do you ever do any
thing to bring light and purity into the
homes of your fellow men" "YuO-
lots" "You distribute tractsT NO;
I clean windows and beats carpets
Illustrated Bits.
Mrs. De Style for effect)-Norah!
Norah! Did you put my jewel case
away? Norah-Yis, mum, Oh did.
There only foive camphor balls lift in
It. Shall l sind for some more, mum
New York Journal.
George, wish you'd leave this little
package at the express Office" ME car
nv bundle? 1 guess not. Besides, I've
got to lug both my tires and handle
bar down to the repair shop
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He-You say you married western
man? She-Yes. "And that he never
drinks?" Never" "Nor smokes p
"No. sir" Nor loses his temperT
THAT'S what / said" when did he
die?"-Yonkers Statesman.
Mickey Dorlan-Hullo, Bill! How
did you like being caddie? Billy
Nolan-Ah! l didn't like it at all, a.
all. First de Teller he towh be tel
kape me eye on de ball, den he gave me
de ball in de eye.-Harper's Bazaar.
Il surely had royal and nobl,
: time" said he recapitulating. IL hat
four kings, and in the row that ensuet
had to put up my dukes and the up
shot Of it all was that / was indicted
ON three counts.-Indianapol Journal
Teacher-Can you tell me in wha
year Caesar invaded Britain? Pupil
Yes'm. Teacher-What year was 1t
Pupil-You can't expect me to an
swer two questions In succession. Tha
/. question belongs to the next in TIL
class.-Boston Transcript.
''It seems to me-" said one youn,
woman "that Harold talks more clear
ly on the tariff than anyone else hav
ever heard" "Yes," replied Mis-
: Cayenne. HE has the advantage o