The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-03-03
THE MATTER WITH KANSAS.
EDITOR WHITE SAYS THE STATE is
COMING OUT ALL RIGHT.

BIOOd-Cnin Was the First Popu-
list and From the Tree That
Grew His Club Came the PIanI1s of
the Chicago Platform.
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
GAINESVILLE. O.-WiHam A. White came
into fame during the last campaign i'm
congress, not so much in a political sense
as in a literary sense. The speech which
he delivered at the Ohio Republican
league in this city on Friday portrays
his style perfectly. 1t was as follows:
There is a song which some OF you may
have heard, which begins:
Oh potatoes, they grow small, out in
And they eat them, tops and all, out in
Kansas.
There are forty-three stanzas to this
ballad, and the burden of the song is
that Kansas is about the thrty-third de-
gree in the lodge of the Royal Arch De-
mon, and that man, after going through
the whole sizzling inferno, is sent TO Kan
sas to get homesick for hades That song
contains several important errors. In the
first place, we do not eat them tops and
ALL out in Kansas. We eat them mashed
with chicken gravy and fried with ham
gravy. just as you do here in Ohio. In
the second place, we do not have to MI
our wells with rocks to keep them from
blowing away; nor do we trim the claws
of the Kansas catfish to prevent them
from scratching the bark off the trees I'm
dry weather. Neither do we send our abs
stracts to Missouri so that the grass
hoppers will not destroy the title to the
land. These are popular decisions which
hurt Kansas And, of late, new delu-
sion has spread through the country to
the effect that the populists are off the
reservation killing plutocrats out of sea-
son and contrary to law. These things
being prevalent belief. make the street
car horses laugh till their hides hurt when
they see a Kansas man.
This is unfair, Kansas Is n little queer
at times, but so are Indiana and Illinois
for that matter. But just because four
or five Kansas congressman have the
| lumpy jaw you should not infer that we
| grow tails and run wild with the buffalo.
| When MIR. Altgeld of Illinois began to
| see things and talk to himself, you gem
| tlemen didn't believe that the citizens
| of Chicago all walked backward to keep
| their trousers from bagging at the knees.
| Because Ignattus Donnelly scrambled his
brains with the wheels in his head, no
one ever thought of putting Minnesota
| in the violent ward. Because Jones OF
| Arkansas-hold on! II hasn't got so far
| yet that a Kansas man has to defend Ar
| kansas in order to stand up for Kansas
| We will have to draw the line some
where, and Arkansas is good place ia
begin.
| have been invited here to tell you
what is the matter with Kansas, and
| have come nearly 1000 miles In the middle
| or winter to say that there Is absolutely
nothing the matter with Kansas. There
| has been something the matter with Kan,
sas-a good deal the matter with Kan
sas. The devil has been to pay out In Kan
sas, but he has been paid in l00-cent dol
| lars And that account seems to be clos
ed. The best way to explain to you wha
has been the matter with Thomas is {,
| recall story of Uncle Chester Thomas
| who used TO be the boss i'm Topeka poli
tics. The old man was rarely disturbed
but one time. when the reformers CAV
him the fight of his life in Topeka, h.
lost his head. That was the campaign II
which the old man told his cohorts t
"Chur fer EN-. boys, chur fer EN-, bu
vote again EN-" II was election da,
When the old man had been quietly cir
culating around the polls, distributing re
wards of merit and increasing the per cap
ia, when he suddenly turned and rushei
back to his office, where his friends wer
| 6NNNNN'NNt anu BdIiltu QtSDdiIlHklY. boys
boys, FOR heavens sake send some on
down to the Fourth ward; them idiot
there nave been for three hours votinl
just as they damn please"
Thats principally what's the matte
with Kansas We haven't been able unit
last fall to vote as we please-as we damn
please, If you prefer the Latin. For 81!
or seven years Kansas has been under tn
spell OF the demagogues. From 1890 to 1S9
all parties WED with one another in put
ting tommy rot into their platforms. Yoi
gentlemen here in Ohio have doubtless no
ticed with CONSERVATION what fads wha
foolisms, what rank nonsense have passe
current for republicanism at one time 0
another out in Kansas. When Jerr
Simpson ran for congress the first tim
the republicans In his district stole hi
platform bodily and then absolved the re
publican nominee from the duty of abidin
by the House caucus. The people couldn'
vote as they pleased. They had to choos
the less violent Of two lunatics. 70
years a crowd of fellows dominated the re
publican party in Kansas whose mott
was "molasses catches more flies tina
vinegar" AS a result the state platforr
was more after fly trap than a declara
ton of republican principles. These gen
tlemen saw that Kansas was built on tn
instalment plan, to be paid for In sma
monthly payments. They preached be
gus way out OF debt, because they believe
that it was a sure way into office The
used to tiptoe around among the delegate
at conventions telling them what was tn
Smooth thing" to put in the platform
These political economists Of the soft soa
school would stand proudly on a patforr
recommending moonshine as legal ten
der, endorsing astrology, declaring 10
blue glass and the barefoot cure, pledgin
the party TO vegetaralnism and whoopin
Ii up for the free and unlimited coinage @
hapdoodle. Think of what Kansas escap
ed with these ghost dancers leading tn
conservative party for half dozen years
The wonder Is not that the state went 70
Bryan, but that II did not go for the Rev
Irl Hicks and George Francis Train.
When the national republican party las
fall demanded honor and courage from II
men the members of this Smooth thing
gang in Kansas organized themselves int
a phalanx that came tumbling head owe
heels into the populist party. They lei
Kansas TO vote as she pleased. And whe
the people were sure that these flim-har
game fellows were gone they cast the lars
est republican vote ever polled since IN
DAYS when Kansas was the banner reput
hcan state In the union. That Kansas In
creased her republican vote after the 81
years course in hysteria indicates a coui
age, an intelligence and an integrit