Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1897-03-11

| ana her nose is pushed up into her Tore
head and her face wrinkles. She never
goes out. She has to work in the kitchen,
SO she gets no nice shoes like yours.
Darn my skin if | don To-
No, you won't You will just let
her work right along, and then you will
marry some high fiier who will pull
every hair out of your head and serve
you right too >
!" Professor, for mercy's sake, stopi'
"When you know, and know, that
If your wife had chance to rest and
had nice clothes like other women she
would be one of the best looking women
of her age in the town. y
IT swan | believe it.
And, old as she is, if you were
to get out the carriage next Sunday
and drive around with the colts and
tell her you wanted her to go to meeting
with you, she would actually blush
with pleasure. .
"Darned if don't do it. .
"Then, Monday, if you were to tell
her you were going to hire a girl, and
that she must sit in the sitting room by
the new nickel plated coal stove and
work on that new silk dress you are go
ing to buy her
Professor, that's me.
"And then hand her nice wallet
| with steel clasps and with five nice new
| $40 notes in it, and tell her to do her
own trading after this, because you
have got tired looking after SO much
money"
II Will, as sure as you live.
"And then, when the tear starts in
her eye, and the same old blush comes
out that you thought was SO nice when
you went ON that teeter to Albany, if
you would kiss her.
It's all right, professor.
Then, my friend, should begin to
think she had made something by mar
rying rich man.
you're right, old man. +"
"Then I think you wouldn't have a
miserable wife any longer. Then you
would no longer want to sell or rent the
farm, but would be showing the mother
of your children how much you respect
VI 44C4 4O4 4lC4 444O vi uONOp4OAs 1ACA
she would know she was a partner in
that $50, 900. Then, if you made your
will all right, and she had a good rest,
I think she would some time be an eli
gible widow. /"
Think SO, professor?"
81 know it. Woman is plant that
wants sunshine. You have been leaving
your wife in the shade too much. She
has lost her color You have made her
think she is an old woman. She has
given up all hope of admiration and
love, and is only waiting to die and get
out of the way. Suppose you were treat
ed so?"
"What me? I am all right. I"
eyes, know. Women pity you be-
cause you are tied to such sorry look
ing wife, Foolish old maids and silly
girls whisper behind your back what a
nice looking man you are, and what a
stick of wife you have. and you are
just soft enough to wear tight boots and
oil what little hair you have left on the
top of your head and go around figuring
up how long before your wife will die. !"
Say now, see here, professor, there
is limit to endurance. am going"
am coming down to see you next
week. Will it be all right?'
"Yes, if you drop this kind of talk
and won't tell of my complaints about
my wife. I'll try your medicine. Would
you stick for that prescription about the
pocketbook and $40 notes?"
"How much did you say you have
made together?''
81 cave The dress will be all right,
and the pony and phaeton will be handy
for the gals. Come down and see us,
old man, but not word about this
talk. If you WASH t an old man, I'd''-
Tipping his derby back on his head
and shaking the wrinkles out of his
tight trousers, he put his hands into his
pockets and sauntered away.
There" said l, ''is one man who
has taken the only legal and God given
way Of getting rid Of miserable wife. :"
Exchange.