New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-12-28
THE TALK or THE DAY.


Here arc a few testimonials that patent medicine
men Nigh, use: II have been unable 10 walk with
out crutches for many years but after using vour
IMMINENT ran for Office" Il lost my eyesight four
years ago | used bottle OF your eye-wash and
saw wood" Il have been dumb ever since
was married. but the day after using your rem
edy had speaking likeness taken al the pho-
tosraphers' Some time ago l los, the use OF
bo'h arms Shortly after buying a box OF your
Pills struck man fer ten dollars" II have been
dear for many years. but after using your ointment
! heard that my aunt had died and left me ten
thousand dollars"
What do you think? My wfe's father told me
before We got married that he would give me
And didn't heg" 0'' "'''''5 ''''
We'll. | waited over week and as he dian,
he SAID was. Why. didn't | give you ny daush.
Ter: -tPhiiadelphla Bulletin.
When DR.. Fi,chett was a member Of a Colonial
Parliament In Australia certain eccentric and
elderly member named Taylor insisted on making
speech on education The Grafton consisted OF n
hyperbolical eulogy OF the Board OF Schools in Mr.
Taylor's constituency. DR.. Fitchett interjected
some jocose expression OF doubt, Why. SIR" said
the irate Taylor. turning upon him. lat this very
moment ! have school In my eye''- NO only
one pupil Mr. Taylor" retortei tho doctor and
tho orators eloquence was drowned in laughter
Can zee the lady Of the house," asked the
canvnsSor with candor
Yes" she replied candldly you can, II you
are not political candidate"
.o IHow can YOU" sald he. NO, madam, I am
open any can that can be opened. by any
opener that can be opened by any cSn 's Ss
and II you can show me can, can
W h, Ca can't" cried She II wish had cannon,
Then she slammed the door In his face-Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
Some young men Of Irving. suburb Of Chicago
have formed an anti marriage association. The
member who marries must pay $S and give a
banquet TO tho members To visit a girl twice
In week costs s., and 81 is assessed against those
who take girl home by the shortest route. The
members Of the association expect TO enjoy many
banquets In the near future.
A weknown firm OF HE insurance agents in
this city has introduced method of calling atteh-
lion to their company that Is as novel As Il Is
r. va'uahlc. and that he may be induced to read
the prospectus OF the company mailed TO him and
az the same tme be compenss 81 for the time
thus consumed check on II" Central National
Tho letter OF explanation which ACCOMPANIES both
check and prospectus reads as follows: Herewith
OF Two minutes OF your time, assuming the same
TO- De worth s $1,000 per annIm asking mat you
Observation-Disclosures Record
There has been discovered near Coliguy France
on the boundary line between the departments OF
Ain and Jura. n large bronze statue OF Mercury.
seriously damaged. but bearing clear evidences OF
being a masterpiece OF sculpture The pedestal OF
tho statue is ornamented with bronze tablets
cred with inscriptions.
as there any necessity OF your having quite so
many young IDIOTS hanging around here. Mabel"
asked the father I'm the properly deferential tone
OF n modern parent. Il am s.udyins human nat
ure papa" answered the sweet girl You know
the proper study OF m.rlJnd-of womankad--s
man" "Mcbbc It Is. but must say don't like
the way you keep the house Uttered up with your
''--(l Enluirpr
1.-THE Atlanta Constitution" tells OF cid darby
with his arm In sling who was talking the other
day with another dlrky
Yes subj no said with emphasis. II gone up
now .cr sho'. You dis arm In dc sling. don't
your
Yes"
"Well suh" the old man continued by way OF
explanation. "In be eighty years old next har
vest; / done see lots OF trouble In my day. bu, by
Vigilance Committee, I miss de Whitecaps. en-
miss de Regulators. but now. in my ole age. please
God, de waxinators kotched en- cut met"
Two Sdes-"The morning stars sang together for
Joy. How unlike a church choir"
against Ssera They fought. How like church
chor!"-(Chicago Tribune
Married at High Twelve" Is the headline over
a report of wedding In Tho Tacoma Daily
Ledger"
"Everythin earth has its mission"
How about mosquitoes?"
.'They make think more kindly OF nes."
-(Ptttsburg Chronicle