davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27
THE NATION {" CANNOT GOV.
ERN HAWAII.

The Nation, n. Y, devotes
much space to the growing ques-
ton in America: GLOW to govern
Hawaii" From theoretical stand
point, and in view of the habits and
thoughts of the American people,
it is an important question for
them to answer, and the answer
NAV be a serious matter to us. We
are here more interested in annex
alton itself than in the subsequent
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27

Don't be persuaded into buying lini-
ments without reputation or merit
Chamberlain's Pain Balm costs no
more, and it's merits have been proven
by a test of many years. Such letters
as the following, from l.. G. Bagley,
Hueneme, CAL, are constantly being re-
ceived: "The best remedy for pain
Balm, and l say so after having used
1t in my family for several years." It
cures rheumatism, lame back, sprains
and swellings. For sale by all drug
gists and dealers, Benson, Smith & Co.,
agents for Hawaiian Islands.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27
TOPICS

l lMELY IOPlNS
ALAUGHING CAMERA!
Did you ever hear of
such a thing Or, better
still, have you seen one2
The idea is enough to make
one smile, but a glance
Through the camera itself
will make the holder scream
with laughter. Every object
is caricatured and made to
appear utterly ridiculous.
There is more real fun to be
secured through the posses
sion of one of these Cameras
than in a whole heap of
comic picture books. Get
one and see for yourself.
The price is only 75c.
A GOOD THING to have
about your house is a TEA
BALL. This is a decided
novelty; dry tea is enclosed
lin a pretty, solid silver, or
silver-plated perforated ball
attached to a very fine chain.
All you have to do when you
want a cup of tea is to steep
this ball in a cup of boiling
water and allow it to remain
for a few minutes and the
result is a beautiful cup of tea
free from leaves. This makes
a really handsome as we'll as
a useful Xmas present.
From the very heavy list
of Xmas presents, we may
mention a beautiful Solid
Silver Child's Dinner Set
(knife, fork and spoon) with
real mother of pearl handles
"a really exquisite present.
CARVER SETS. single or
double, in case complete, in
many patterns and prices.
| ALCOHOL LAMPS. with
kettle. Invaluable in a home.
TOILET SETS in beautiful
designs and at low prices.
LAMPS. All kinds, from
the most elaborate high art
lamp down to the common
or garden lamp. We have
| them to burn.
| Thu Iln,I,niinn llnyd,l,nvn M
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27

A Pontifcal High Mass on Christ
mas day was the festival feature at
the Roman Catholic Cathedral. This
mass was celebrated by the Bishop of
Panopolis and two priests and there
extra fine music.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27
Rich

Pure and full of vitality it will properly
feed and support the whole mechanism
OF the body. If it is poor and thin
disease and suffering will be inevitable.
The great success of Hoods Sarsaparilla
IN curing stubborn cases of scrofula,
eczema, rheumatism, neuralgia and
many other similar troubles, is based
upon its power to enrich and purify the
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27
Pure

Blood is essential TO perfect heath. This
is a scientific fact. Every organ, nerve
and muscle must be fed and nourished.
1t is the function of the blood to furnish
this nourishment, and the quality of
nourishment these organs receive depends
on the quality OF the blood. If the blood is
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27

Any one who reads between the
lines, can see that certain "silver'
influences are at work.
But the Cuban affair may pos
sibly aid annexation more than all
other influences. If Spain in her
final desperation should say to
the United States: "YOu are en-
cOuraging the insurrection, now
take the island, and pay us $780,
100000" the Americans would
logically be forced to take her.
That would, of course, carry Ha-
waiian annexation with it. Or,
the friends of Cuba may offer to
aid Hawaiian annexation, if the
President will brace up on Cuban
affairs. "About this time" as the
almanacs say, 1.-The unexpected
may happen"
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27

The dispatches seem to settle
the question of Senator Hoar's OPP
position to annexation. When the
dispatch to the n. Y. Herald was
received here, announcing that
the twO-thirds vote for ratification
was secured. the few cool headed
anneXationists here, knowing the
situation in Washington, hardly
believed that it was true, but for
us to have seriously doubted it, at
the time, would have set the par
rot to madly shrieking: YOU'RE
an anti-anneXationist SO the
truth about it had to come from
Washington itself, and it creates
an unnecessary reaction here.
The refusal of Senator Hoar to
favor annexation is due to sever
al causes, some of which have in
fuenced the Springfield Republi-
can, the most influential newspa-
per in the State, outside of Bos-
ton, in it's opposition to anneXa-
ton. But the Senator probably
refuses to follow President Nc
Kinley's policy. He has always
been firm advocate of negro suff-
rage.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27

The sugar beet men have open
ed a literary bureau in New York
City, and are now firing all along
the line. 1t is quite evident that
they intend to deluge Congress
with petitions against annexation.
The craze for raising beets it now
raging in some of the Middle and
Atlantic States, and the prospects
for their cultivation bring the rela-
lions of these Islands to the Unit
ed States in more or less prOmin-
ence.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27
ANNEXATION MOI rs.

The mails bring no definite
news regarding the ratification of
the treaty. But it is clear enough
that a fight is on, in the Senate.
Whether or not the annexation
leaders of that body have conclud-
ed that the two-thirds vote cannot
be had, and will fall back to the
we'll fortified line of joint reso-
luton. cannot be answered with
any assurance of accuracy. The
situation is about as it was pre-
dicted, last summer in Washing
ton, that it would be, by several
old veterans, who strongly believ-
ed in annexation, but in most
exasperating way, kept their
heads cool.
But the dispatches, as usual,
are Il little sensational, and must
be read with allowances. The men
who insist on bracing up on an
nexatiOn stimulants will of course
be rather depressed, but the men
who are regulars in the anneXa-
ton campaign, will not lose their
nerves or courage.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1897-12-27
Blood

This is also the reason for the great popu.
larity of Hoods Sarsaparilla as building
up medicine. By making pure, rich blood,
1t gives vigor and vitality even in try
ing seasons, when, owing to impover-
ished blood, thousands are complaining OF
weakness and WEAKNESS, lack of energy
and ambition, and that tired feeling.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21

There is business man in this
town who is terror to stenogra-
pliers. His amanuensis, who has
been with him a long time, was re-
Gently taken sick. The employer
mailed letter to local business
college to send him stenographer
and typewriter. The business man
is very particular about his vocabu-
larry and wants everything written
just as he dictates it. Therefore, in
order to test the newcomers accu-
racy, he, instead of debating an or
dinary business letter, gave forth
the following at rate of speed that
would do justice to stump speaker
I'm promulgating your esoteric
cogitation or articulating your su-
perficial sentimentalities and AMIGA
bic philosophical or psychological
observations beware of platitudi-
nous ponderosity. Let
But he got no further, for the
poor amanuensis broke his pencil in
the effort, after which he got up,
wiped the perspiration from his
forehead and quickly left the office.
Philadelphia Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
Anatomy of a Violin.

Taken to pieces a violin would be
found to consist of the following
parts: Back, 2pieces; belly, 9; coins
and blocks, 6; sides, 5; side Innings,
II; bar, 1; purflings, "a; neck, /;
finger board, /; nut, l.; bridge, /;
tailboard, / button for tailboard, / !;
string for tailboard, /; guard for
string, L; sound post, L; strings, 4;
pegs, 4; total, &c. Three kinds of
wood are used-maple, pine and
ebony. Maple is used for the back,
the neck, the side pieces and the
bridge. Pine is used for the belly,
the bar, the coins and blocks, the
side Innings and the sounding post.
Ebony is used for the finger board,
the tailboard, the nut, the guard for
string of tailboard, the pegs and the
button. Philadelphia Times.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21

off und yells vunce more und he SAYS
'Sbpeak louder. l yells louder i
goes dot vhay for ten minutes, und der
he says. GO to Texas, you old Dutch
mansp You see?
And den mein brudder in Spring
wells he rings de pell und calls me oor
und says how I vbas dis eafenings?
say vhas feeling like come colts, und
he says, who WANTS to py some goats?
says, Colts-colts-coltsr und he
answers: oh, coats! thought you said
goats. When l goes to ask him if he
feels peter, hears voice crying oudt,
What Dutchman ish dot ON dis line p
Den somebody answers, L doan' know,
but likes to punch his headtp You
see?
"Vhell, sometimes my vhife WANTS
to spheak NIT me when | am down i'm
der saloon. She rings mein pell, und !
says, 'Hellol' Nobody spheaks to me.
She rings again, and 1 says, 'Hellol'
like dunder. Den der central office tells
me to go aheadt, und den tells me holt
on, und den tells mein vhife dat | am
gone avhay. l yells out dot ish not SO,
und somepody says, How can talk if
dat old Dutchmans doan' keep sthill?'
You see? Yes?
''And when / gifts in bedt at night
somepody rings der pell like her house
vas on fire, and When shumps oudt and
says 'HelloP I hear somepody saying.
Kaiser, doan' you vhant to puy dog?'
/ WANTS no dog, and when / tells 'em
so hears some peoples laughing, Haw,
haw, hawp You see? Yes?
"Und SO you dake it oudt und when
somepody likes to speak init me dey
shall come right away to mein saloon.
Oof my brudder is sick, he shall get
peter, and if somepody WANTS to puy
me dog he shall come where I can
punch him NIT club
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
HE MEANT WELL.
The Trouble Was That the Listeners Were
Not Up to Date.

The Trouble Was That the Listeners Were
Not Up to Date.
He desired to express his sympathy.
That was all. He had always liked the
man, and now that he was reported to
be near dcaAh he felt sorry for both him
and the afflicted family.
"Poor fellowl' he said. "They tell
me that he already has one foot in the
fire. -
Trouble followed. The wife of the
sick man happened to overhear the re-
mark, and she promptly declared that
he was mean, hateful old thing and
then burst into tears.
''But my dear madam he protest.
ed.
Don't speak to mep' she exclaimed
"Poor Jim always looked upon you as a
friend, and l always thought you were
one too.
"But l assure you"-
''Don't you dare say one word to mep'
Then a mutual friend took him by the
arm and led him to one side.
Really, old man, he said, sit was
outrageous. I'm almost tempted to
think you've been drinking
but hang it ALL
'It was neither the time nor the place
for cheap wit broke in another friend
"But didn't intend''-
"Of course we all know that Jim has
been pretty lively boy in his day. .
interrupted still another friend, "but
you ought to have some regard for the
feelings Of his wife.
II tell you r.
''That's what comes of cultivating
ones sense of humor at the expense of
ones better feelings" put in the friend
who had first taken him aside. "Of
course we know that you did not intend
to say anything that would seem harsh
and cruel, butt
Now, look here!" exclaimed the
man who had made the original re-
mark, breaking away from them an
grily. 'What said was all right and
proper. What would you have me say
that am sorry to hear that he has one
foot in the grave? That would be nice,
sensible thing to say when happen to
know that he is cremationist and has
already bought silver urn to hold his
ashes, wouldn't it? The trouble with
you people is that you are not up to
date. Chicago Post.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
Painting Fits.

Painting proceeds from different
causes, the commonest being dis
turbance in the circulation of the
blood in the brain For an ordinary
fainting fit lay the patient fat.
Great harm has often resulted from
the treatment of ignorant people in
trying to make the patient sit up or
propping up the head with pillows.
To send the blood back from the
heart TO the brain the fiat posture
is absolutely necessary. Let the pa
tient lie so that the feet are higher
than the head, throw the clothes
about the chest and throat open,
sponge the face with cold water and
give some cold water to drink. Knew
York Ledger.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21

and NV all, you got twinses? Civ me
yo' hanP' And grabbed him to kon-
grstulate him.
But l heerd sumthin like krokry
crackin inside nv him and, feerin he
would come to peeoes in my han, let
him 60.
Yes" he says, "they has lit down
upon me in my ole age, and they is
hevy." And he weept.
well, well, wellr' I says. "Uv all
and nv all-this beats bobtail. Gearls
NV coarse?'
mo, he says, sorrerful, 1.-TWO NV as
hne hoy as ever swollered catnip.'
And you cryin bout that?'' says L.
1.-TWO nusses," he says, 1.-TWO kribs,
two sets NV v-uv-uv everything -
two And he sobbed-he actilly did.
Cheer up, my lively lad" (much
lively bout hi,O, "cheer up" says.
But he wood'n cheer bit.
1.-TWO baby carriages, two par NV
shoes, two scots nv klothes, two every
thing, too much-too much-too much
And he fairly boo -hooed George W.
Bagby.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
WHOLE NO., 351.
PLAYED ON HIS WEAKNESS,
How Refractory Chimpanzee ws
Brought Eato Submission.

How q Refractory Chimpanzee Was
Brought rato Submission.
The series Of historical mon
keys" kept at the zoo began with
Joe, chimpanzee, which the erec-
ton of the new monkey house en-
abled to be kept alive for some time.
Frank Buckland's description of his
management by Mr.. Bartlett gives
an insight into his readiness and re-
source in dealing with different ami
mails. The big ape needed exercise.
This he obtained by being allowed
the run of the large monkey house,
instead of remaining in side room,
before the visitors came. As he
knew he would be caught and put
back into his own room at this hour,
the ape used to climb up to the top
of the other monkeys cages and re-
fuse to come down. As he could
not be tempted by food, Mr.. Bart
lett appealed to his mind by work
ing on what he had noted to be his
weak points, curiosity and coward
ice. This is Frank Buckland's ac-
count of the daily proceedings at
this hour: Mr.. Bartlett went to
the keeper, and, touching him gen
tly on the shoulder, directed his at
tentlon in a mysterious manner to
the dark passage underneath the
gas pipe which traverses the house,
pretending to point out to Sutton
some horrible unknown creature,
using an energetic manner, but say
ing nothing except words to this
effect: Look out There he is There
he isr At the same time the two
men would peer into the dark place
under the gas pipe.
The monkey used presently to
come down to see what the subject
of fear and interest was, when Mr..
Bartlett and Sutton used to shout:
He's coming out He's coming
outF' and rushed away in the direc-
tion of Joe's cage. The monkey
would rush for the same place of
safety, which happened to be the
door of his own house, and some-
times enter it before them. Buck
land notes it as curious that the
monkey never learned the decep-
tion, but would be taken in by it
whenever the time came to finish
his mornings airing.
These indirect methods of ami
mai management, sometimes akin
to the wonderful way" some peo-
pie have with little children, never
failed Mr.. Bartlett. To the last he
would walk around and see all the
creatures as to whose health or tenn
per the keepers had any misgivings,
and his suggestions or directions
were scarcely ever at fault. Take,
for example, the difficult case of a
rhinoceros with bad place" on
his face. The question was, Does
the abscess come from bad tooth,
or does it only need lancinga You
cannot ask rhinoceros if he has
the toothache, and though this one
was in considerable pain the causa
causans was not obvious. All Mr..
Bartlett said was, Give him a new
birch broom" The broom was pre-
sented, with the bands at the top
cut, and the rhinoceros at once ate
it, grinding up the bits with great
gusto. "Ah, you see his teeth are
all right, said Mr.. Bartlett, and
next day he "lanced" the abscess
with a well sharpened billhook.
The diagnosis was ingenious and
worthy of the head of the profess
sion, which Mr.. Bartlett undoubted-
ly was,-London Spectator.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21

day, when met him on the strete. He
were very sad. His chin wiggled and
his nose wobbled, he were SO very sad.
I'm the name of mizry," says /,
"Meekins, what's the natter"
'AhP' he says, groanin, and the wa
ter gethered in his eyes.
How is your drotted tung now?" I
says.
Tain't that, says he, and the teers
cum a-rollin down his holler cheek, and
his nose trimbled.
Tell me, tell me quick" I says.
81 feel SO sorry for you that want to
do sumthin for you rite away"
well. - he says, in vols that went
to my very hart, II were--I were took
down with the twinses bout three
months ago and bin very 10 ever sinse. y
"What!' exclaimed "You, NV all
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
Friendship and Criticism

A capital story used to be told OF
David Roberts. An art critic, who was
his personal friend, published sharp
attack upon certain pictures of his just
exhibited. "My dear Roberts," wrote
the critic in private letter, "you have
seen my remarks on your pictures. /
hope they will make no difference in
our friendship Yours, etc., -"
My dear -" wrote the painter in
reply, "the next time meet you l shall
pull your nose. l hope it will make no
difference in our friendship. Yours,
etc., ID. Roberts. F"
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
Parliamentary Amenities.

In Michigan some years ago a bill
was before the legislature to restore the
death penalty for the crime of murder
Three of the ablest members of tn.
house made long speeches in favor tf
the bill-so long AS to be found weari-
some, especially by those who disagreed
with the opinions expressed. When the
third man had finished, young mem
ber on the other side of the chamber
rose and said very saroastically:
"Mr. Speaker. ! rise to question of
privilege"
''The gentleman will state his ques.
tion Of privilege, said the speaker.
''Mr. Speaker, wish to inquire OF
our friends of the other side of the house
which they think is preferable-to be
hanged or to be talked to death?'
The question was greeted by applause
Then suddenly some one with very
loud voice said:
'Oh, well. if you're going to talk
we prefer to be hanged. Youth Il
Companion.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
The Dutchman's Telephone.

II guess l haf to gif up my telephone
already. What's de matter init it? Oh,
eferytingsl got dot telephone in mine
house SO as I could spheak NIT der poys
in der saloon down town and NIT my
relations in Springwells, but I haf to
gif it up. | nefer haf SO much droubles.
Vhell, my boy Shon, in der saloon, he
rings der pell und calls me oop unit says
an old frent Of mine wants to see how
she works. Dot is all right. say, Hell
loP und he says, Come closer. I goes
closer und helloes again. Den he says,
'Shtand little off, I shtands little
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
In Chicago,

my mudder was divorced this morn
ing"
"And mine was married.
sHully gee, I'll bet it's de same
man. New York Truth.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
Wood stone,

From mixture of magnesia and
sawdust subjected to high tenn
perature and great pressure DR..
Otto Lehnig has produced sub
stance which he calls "xylolith, or
wood stone" 1t can be cut with
tools, but, it is said, does not burn
and does not absorb moisture. The
inventor thinks it should prove use
fui as building material.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
A Poser.

A lecturer, wishing to explain to a
little girl the manner in which lob
ster casts his shell when he has out
grown it, said: "What do you do when
you have outgrown your clothes? You
throw them aside, don't you?'' "Oh,
no" replied the little one. 1--WE let ont
the tucks." The doctor confessed she
had the advantage of him there
Mark Lemons Jest Book.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
THE OLD HUMORISTS,
CONCERNING, THE ADVENT OF TWINS
N A HOME.
Mysterious visitations Of Providence and
What They Do-The Man Gets All the
Credit, the Woman Receives a Warning.
The Dutchman and His Telephone.

.
The Dutchman and His Telephone.
Virginia dialect.]
Twinses is misteyus vixitatins NV
Providens; a urthquake in two colyums,
the rite and lef' wings nv hurrykane
that thar amt no accountin for. They
Gums like claps Nv live thunder out'n a
clere sky in the midil nv the day or
mite (they amt a-keerin which) and
konstirnates the naberhood. Nobody
in'tnever prepared fur um, and thar is
a rushin and fro NV doctors, muses.
and wimmin that shakes the chimblys
and jars the whole visinity. A feerful
tieml
They fetches no bagige, not rag.
not a blame thing, not even a swaller
tale kote and standin collier, but they
Gums to stay. There is much borryin
Nv klothes. 1t takes 'nuf dry goods to
set up firm NV twinses as to stock a
good size Brod street sto, and you we
got to opin milk depo and free bodin
hous on the spot, lookin, for yo' pay in a
nuther and better worl'. Becoz twinses
has but wage idees nv settlin bills.
Twinses is misteyus. To the rich
man childun cum one at time, like
balls down the troft Nv tenpin alley,
but to the po man they Gums
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
The Main Point.

Here, come away from there said
Perry Patettic as Wayworn Watson start
ed to enter the barroom.' "They're ON to
me there. Last time l started in the
barkeeper throwed half glass of dead
beer right i'll me face as soon as stuck
me head in the door,
"Di-did you have time to git your
face open?" asked Wayworn. stammer-
ing in his excitement. nt.-Cincinnati En-.
Quirer.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
She Got q New One.

I've stopped asking people if my
bonnet is ON straight"
The Husband-Why, my deari
The Wife-I love you too much,
John, to disgrace you by calling a
body's attention to an old bonnet
like this.-London Tit-Bits.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
She Was . Cyclist.

''I'm sure I'll never be able to walk
mp the aisle with papa.
"Wby not, my ehild?"
Papa il 30 ridiculously low geared. .
-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-21
Worse Yet.

Wearied Father-They say that no
matter how one suffers some one has
suffered more All the same, they
couldn't beat me in this business, for
walked this child the entire night for
fully six hours.
Mother (calmly)-Yes, George, dear,
but suppose you lived mp near the pole,
where the nights are six months long?
Boston Traveller.