The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1897-01-22
MISFIT CLOTHES.

Ncman who has never appeared before
an army court-martial or examining
board can have an adequate conception
of the worriment that recently agi-
tated Col. Wade, a member of the in
quisitive body that went digging into
the cases of several army officers at
Chicago some time since. Col. Wade
started from San Antonio with spurs
clanlling and swords fairly glistening
under the magic effects of powdered
brickdust. Also he had blue clothes
wall paper on them, and in general he
was accoutered regardless. But in an
evil moment an ignorant porter, mis-
taking his swords for new kind of
sectional fishing rod, bundled the whole
glorious dream of martial splendor into
the berth of IL British tourist who was
on his way to the Wind River noun tains
to catch mackerel. So when the colonel
arrived in Chicago he found himself
quite out of the class of Gen. Brooke
and Maj. Dewitt and the others of the
examining board, who sauntered around
with an average of a peck of gilded
punishment on them. He was obliged
to submerge himself in shame and a
brown tweed suit and feel that he was
guilty of conduct unbecoming an Off
Ger and a gentleman because he did not
rattle and clang as he walked, like Il
crate of crockery or a wagon load Of
structural iron hauled over granite
pavement.
The army officer who has worked his
way up into the king row is, when he
goes on departmental! duty in his ia
tigue uniform, a thing of beauty and a
rest to weary eyes. We once had the
pleasure of seeing Gen. Crook distrib-
uting medals TO sharpshooters on the
Bellevue rifle range, and by conservative
estimate his clothes weighed ton, and
they were just the ordinary clothes to
go with such an august occasion as
the bcstowing of quarters worth of
silver to a stubbymustached soldier
who had succeeded in not killing the
COW in the field 10 the right of the earth
bank. 1t was an August day. and the
day seemed to have been vigilantly LAY
ing" for the general, for when he moved
maiestically forward under a black
with his uaifqrm tightly buttoned
around him the sun seemed to take an
other hitch in its running gear, and it
went at him as though it meant to
serve up roast general well done for the
evening barbecue. The perspiration
streamed down both sides of his face
ard formed sort of AlleghenyMonon-
gahela confluence at his collar button.
and there was freshet and a flood
tide quite in keeping with the Ohio
rivers regular June rise. His beautiful
blue clothes with their hardware and
bullion on them seemed to melt and
coalesce with his frame. but he valiant
ly talked on, and told the soldier who
had not hit the COW how patriotic and
loyal of him it was. and the country
was proud of him and his score, which
was 4-11-44, or something of that kind
Several months afterward friend o.
the general was fishing with him OUT
in the mountain country, and that med
al presentation was touched upon in
hO al az tlleiG ilio-
ment was wearing an old white SLOUGH
hat, some other mans overalls and n
hickory shirt. In an impressive way
he beckoned his accomplish to approach
closer so that the wild mountain crags
might not hear and report to Washing
ton, and whispered: "Do you know that
on that day | came near proving a
fro ;+or - Io
the point of renouncing my allegiance
to the United States of America and OF
going bowling across the meadow to
the river. At the very moment when
was burning most fiercely and was
telling what l thought of sharpshoot-
ing as a great boon to humanity I hap
pened to look across the field back of
the gathering, and there on the river
bank I saw a delighted boy of about
ten or twelve, clad only in the purity of
thought and heaving mud at an asso-
ciate of his own age who was sputter-
ing around and diving in the cool water
of the stream. You may have thought
Mt the time that spoke so earnestly of
the grandeur of American institutions
mons mouth and the din and carnage
of battle for the flag, but I did not. I
was speaking with my mind fixed solely
on the glad custom of 'chawing beef
and of sliding down slickery place on
the bank and into the water. Ipledge
you my honor as an officer and gentle
man that if that boy had not at that
moment gathered up his clothes and
fled at the approach of the town con-
stable I would have renowned the flag,
discarded my chapeau and uniform and
become joyous deserter, glorying in
swimming holes as distinguished from
army clothes that are like the torrid
zone"
Col. Wade. however, consoled himself
with the thought that greater than he
have been in the same unfortunate fix
in which he found himself. When Gen.
Grant was coming east on one of his
great tours-memory suggests his
round-the-world-trip. but memory may
be defectlVe-he struck Denver in a
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