The Sauk Centre herald., 1897-04-01
KANSAS ALL RIGHT.
A kansas Editor Explains the Situ-
alton Down his Way.

Readers of the Journal will remember
particularly bright article from William Allen
White. editor of an Emporia, Kansas, paper,
which went the rounds during the campaign, |
entitled s.What's the Matter with Kansas?"
When the campaign was over and Mr..
Whites side had won, he was invited to
make speech at GAINESVILLE, Ohio, at some
sort of ratification meeting. This is what
he said:
There is a song which some of you may
have heard which begins:
o, potatoes they grow small,
Out in Kansas,
And they eat them tops and all,
Out in Kansas.
There are forty-three stanzas to this bal
lad, and the burden of the song is that Kan
sas is about the thirty-third degree in the
ROYAL Arch Demon, and that man after 60
ing through the whole sizzling Inferno, is
sent to Kansas to get homesick for hades..
That song contains several important errors.
In the first place we do not eat them tops
ard all out in Kansas. We eat them mashed
with chicken gravy, and fried with ham
gravy, just as you do here in Ohio. In the
second place we do not have to fill our wells
with rock to keep them from blowing away,
nor dc we trim the claws of the Kansas cat
fish to keep them from scratching the bark
of trees in dry weather. Neither do we
send our abstracts to Missouri, So that the
grasshoppers will not destroy the title in the
land. These are popular delusions which
hurt Kansas. And of late new delusion
has spread through the country to the ef-
feet that the Populists are of the reservation
killing plutocrats out of season and contrary
to law. These things being prevalent belief,
make the street car horses laugh until their
sides hurt when they see man from Kansas.
This is unfair. Kansas is little queer at
times; but so are Indiana and Illinois, for
that matter. But just because tour or FIVE Kan
sas congressman are affected with the lumpy-
Jaw, you should not infer that we grow tails
and run wild with the buffalo. When Mr..
Altgeld, of Illinois, began to see things and
talk to himself, you gentlemen didn't believe
hat the citizens of Chicago all walked back
ward to keep their pants from bagglng at
the knees Because Ignatius Donnelly scram-
bled his brains with the wheels in his head
no one ever thought of putting Minnesota
in the violent ward. Because Jones of Arkan-
ssaw-hold on! 1t hasn't gone SO Tar that a
Kansas man has to defend Arkansaw in order
to stand up for Kansas, We will have to
draw the line somewhere, and Arkansaw is
a good place to begin.
have been invited here to tell you what
is the matter with Kansas. and have come
nearly a thousand miles in the middle OF
winter to say that there is absolutely nothing
the matter with Kansas. There has been
something the matter with Kansas great
deal the matter with Kansas. The devil
has been to pay out in Kansas, but he hasn't
been paid in one hundred cent dollars. And
that account seems to be closed. The best
way to explain to you what has been the mat
ter with Kansas is to recall story of Uncle
Chester Thomas, who used to be the boss in
Topeka politics. The old man was rarely
disturbed. but one time, when the reformers
gave him the fight of his life in Topeka, he
lost his head. That was the campaign when
the old man told his cohorts to 'Chur fer'em
boys, chur fer'em, but fight agin'em." 1,
was election day when the old man had been
quietly circulating around the polls dist.ibut.
ing rewards of merit and increasing the pei
capita, when he suddenly turned and rushed
back to his Office, where his friends were
gathered and painted despairingly. "Boys,
boys, for heavens sake send some one down
to the fourth ward; them idiots have been for
three hours voting just as they dam please. "
"That's principally what's the matter with
Kansas We haven't been able to vote as
we wanted to until last fall-as we dam please
if you prefer the Latin. For six or seven
years Kansas has been nnder the spell oi
the demagogues. From 1890 to 1894 all
parties We'd with one another in putting tom
my rot into their platforms. You gentlemen
here in Ohio have doubtless noticed what
foolisms, what rank nonsense, have passed
current for Republcanism at one time OF
another. When Jerry Simpson ran for con-
gress the first time, the Republicans in his
district stole his platform bodily, and then
absolyed the Republican nominee from the
duty of abiding by the house caucus. The
people couldn't vote as they please. They
had to choose the less violent of two lunatics.
For years a crowd of fellows dominated the
Republican party in Kansas whose motto was
sMolasses catches more flies than vinegar" f"
As result the state platform was more after
fly trap than declaration of Republican
principles. These gentleman saw that Kan
sas was built on the installment plan, to be
paid for in small monthly payments. They
preached bogus way out of debt, because
they believed it was a sure way into Office.
They used to tip-toe around among the dele
gates at conventions, telling them what was
the .ssmooth thing" to put in the platform.
These political economists of the soft soap
school would stand proudly on platform
recommending moonshine as legal tender,
declaring for blue grass and the barefoot
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