davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27
JOKE ON ARTEMUs WARD.
The Humorist Got the Worst of it In Bit
of Horseplay.

The Humorist Got the Worst of 1T In Bit
of Horseplay.
The Bookman has an interesting ar
ticle on Artemus Ward, dealing at
considerable length with his expert
ences in London. When he made his
first appearance in that city he en-
riched his programmes with a note ex-
planning that he would call on citizens
at their residences and explain any
jokes that they did not understand.
Artemus Ward was fond of telling
stories and jokes at his own expense,
and he had habit when upon the lec-
ture platform of purposely making
people laugh at his own awkwardness,
but he had one experience that he new
or referred to. During part OF the
time that he lived in Cleveland he
lived at a fashionable boarding house
in Seneca street, and was in the habit
OF cutting up all sorts of capers there.
to the amusement, sometimes, but as
often to the consternation of the other
boarders, most of whom looked upon
him as half baked fool
One of his favorite jokes was to
scare women nearly to death by pre-
tending to fall down stairs. The par
lor where the boarders congregated
was connected by large arch with the
hall, where the stairway was, practi-
cally making one big room of both.
Every time a new boarder or strang-
er happened to be present, Mr.. Browne,
as he was known around the house,
would cough at the top of the stair
way, to attract attention, then pre-.
tend to trip on something, and go
tumbling headlong downward, always
managing to catch the railing and thus
escape injury The women would, OF
course, yell and make great fuss over
him, when he picked himself up, and
he would generally manage to make
some droll remark that would set eY-
erybody laughing.
But this sort Of thing got tiresome
after while, and one day some of the
men boarders decided to stop it. A
young lady had just arrived at. the
house, and it was foregone cOnclu
sion that Browne would take his GUS
tomary tumble at the first opportunity.
So, promising the landlady that they
would have things properly repaired,
after the trouble was over, the joker's
enemies sawed the spindles in the bal
uSIraQo almost IN TWO, leaving lie IdlI
SO that slight wrench would break it
loose.
That evening all the boarders con-
gregated in the parlor, the newly ar
rived young lady, who had been let
into the secret, among them. They |
didn't have long to wait for their vic |
tim. In passing UP to his room I
Browne saw that a stranger was pres
ent, and, after making his toilet, he
started to go downstairs. He coughed I
loudly several times while passing
through the upper hall, and then, when
he saw that everybody was looking at
him, stumbled and shot out into the I
air.
But when he grasped the rail of the
balustrade there was a sharp crack,
followed by crash, and the man who T
afterward became famous as A. Ward I
lay stunned at the bottom of the stairs,
with skinned elbow and bleeding
nose.
That ended the stairway joke, and
Browne soon moved to another board
ing house.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27

house at every hour Of sunlight. For
example, at o'clock in the morning
the 80 o'clock tree" shades the dining
room, while, as the sunlight changes,
the 40 o'clock tree" shades the room
above or the room adjoining it, and so
on through the day. On a sunny day
this "tree clock" insures succession
of shady places around the house.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27
A SINGLE RAIL RAILROAD

First and Only One-Rail Tramway on This
Continent.
In the town of Caborca, in the Altar
district of Sonora, Mexico, construction
has been commenced on what will be,
when completed, the first and only one
rail tramway or railway in operation
on the American continent. This novel
railway will run from San Salinas to
Caborca, a distance of twenty five
miles. 1t is most effective on long
hauls through mountainous countries.
where the grade is irregular.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27
Saturday, November II, 1897.

On behalf of the little folks, we
beg to suggest to Sunday. school
committees who have charge of
purchasing candies for Christmas,
that it would be better to give less
quantity and better quality than
has been done in the past. Usually
the candy given in Christmas boxes
by Sunday-schools is stale and of
such a cheap quality as to be unfit
to eat. We don't agree with the
prevailing idea with most com
mitteemen that anything is good
enough for children.
We take the liberty of remind
ing some gentlemen that the
great mass of republican voters do
not care a continental about the
personality of the leaders in the
several states, SO long as republi-
cans are elected to office and the
principles of the republican party,
which have never failed to give
the country prosperity, are main
tanned.
II asked the young woman in
front of me to remove her big hat
so I could see the stage" did
she do it," "No; she said if she
held her hat in her lap she couldn't
see the stage herself"
The man who has nothing to
boast of but his illustrious ances-
try, is like a potato-the only
good thing belonging to him is
underground.
1t is conceded pretty generally
that the jury system as it now
exists is far from ideal So many
classes of men are disqualified be-
cause they read the newspapers,
that the average juror is of a grade
of intelligence calculated to arouse
alarm in the mind of man who is
being tried for his life or who has
much property at stake in a suit
1t is idle to suppose that the system
can be abolished altogether, and 1t
is by no means certain that it
would be desirable to do so. One
of the most promising schemes
for improvements is to raise the pay
of the jurymen, SO that an intelli-
gent man would not be sufferer
financially if drawn. In many
cases juryman is as important
as judge, but there IS ridicu-
lous discrepancy between the COM
pensation given the two men.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27
Aluminium Rowboats.

The German cruiser yacht Alum
mum has rowboats of aluminium They
are built entirely of aluminium, even
to the oars, and are so light that man
can easily raise them over his head
and place it on the waves.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27
The Tree Clock.

A Glasgow man has in his garden
what he calls tree clock" Fir
trees are planted In such positions that
one of them will shade a portion of tha
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27

The man who has nothing to
boast Of but his illustrious ances-
try, is like a potato-the only
good thing belonging to him is
underground.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27

The RECORD has for its constituents the people
Of Passaic City and suburbs-a population Of
business men. The advantage which it possesses
tor those who wishsto bring their business to the
attention of the people are obvious.
For further information, address PAssAIo Cry
RECORD. Box 1875. Passaic. n j.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27

II asked the young woman in
front of me to remove her big hat
SO could see the stage" Did
she do it?" mo; she said if she
held her hat in her lap she couldn't
see the stage herself"
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27

The "White Heather" is the
title of the new play now running
at the Academy of Music.
Passaic City record., 1897-11-27
WANTED! esiy oas esSa sns, Agent 4 even: en-

locality, to take orders for 1.-THE EARTH CIR
DIED. by Rev. T. De Witt Talmage, rare,
radiant, and charming, with hundreds OF new new
worlds wonders as seen and described by the
greatest living preacher and orator. Agents are
Big commission; Credit given; Freightage paid !;
OUTFIT free Drop all trash and sell this master
book for Holiday Gift purposes, and make $500
per month Address for outfit and territory,
Peoples 304l Market street,
Phtiadelph1as Pa.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19

of several years by the lie insurance com
p4nies. AS ameaded the bill was returned
10 the house and accepted and passed there
by large majority. Slasularly enough.
toweNer. the IRE insurance companies es-
capcd raise ~ their taxes.
LeAvirg aside the question OF the JUS
lice Of the life Insurance tax nothing can
be said excepi In admiration Of the man
ner IN which u was fought OF from the
start by The president Of the third house
Mr. Louis J. WORKMAN. AS the repre-
sentative OF the interests Affected he Ia
bored against tremendous ODDS 10 convince
The legislators that his people were al
ready paying as much tax ns was fair,
comparatively speaking. and at this dis
lance IL looks as If. with the assistance
q one OF two shrewi parlismen;arlans in
the house he had succeeded In blocking the
further progress OF the Drew bill At least
that Is the explanation given Of the shoot
taken BIZ the senate. Had that body waited
Tor the arrival OF the Drew bin II might
never have had the opportunity to pass
uuon st. fits friends say, hence the extra
ordinary COURSE adopted In reaching one OF
the interests 4 sought 10 reach 10 greater
extent than IS uow done by the tax gath
erer. Although oiTcumyented Mr. Nor
than can take consolation in the fact that
Il took a remarkable and unusual amount
az hiRh pressure TO down him. And. tui
iber 81 must be source Of great gratifca-
tirn TO him that Whatever may Re said Of
his persistent and irrapressihle efforts to
defeat She passage ~ an administration
measure. his btterrst opponent car not
roiut % e single questionable step taken
by him 10 fighting off what at almost every
stage Of the CANA appeared 70 be the In
evitahle. Lap.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
SHORT TEXAS SPECIALS.

SNYDER Deputy Sheriff pinion, shot
by young Cook is dead OF his wounds.
MAD1soNvILLE.-T district court
granted mandamus compelling the com
misstoners court to order stock law
election.
BURTON.--An unknown maj, was found
In the suburbs suffering from morphine
poisoning and was brought to town where
he died without recovering consciousness.
Nothing was found on his person by which
he could be Identified
LANGTRY.-At an inquest held nj the
wreck between Bean and LHngtry by Judge
Roy Benn, he found that the unknown man
Killed there was formerly fireman on the
southern Pacific. From papers found on
him it is thought his name is Robert Beck
man and that his father is Captain NJ.
Beckman OF Atlantic. Ia
FORT WORTH.-The city secretary has
received many applications from other
cities and towns for copy of the Fort
Worth curfew ordinance, showing tina,
similar measures are in contemplation
elsewhere. The ordinance has been in
force now for several weeks. but 30 far
no arrests have been made under IT,
AUSTIN.-It VIII cost $4,000 to repair
the damage done by the cyclone to the
University To take down and rebuild
the north end of the main building. which
was cracked from top to bottom and is
now in dangerous condition, will cost
$4,000 and probably more. To repair the
damage done the hall will cost about $1,000
TO repair the roofs, cornices ETC.. will cost
Ss0l
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19

oil the State. Ladies' Of the Floral society
VIII take up one department: another or
IanlEation VIII take up another department.
IN another way and thus the work viii
be distributed around and will reach
contamination In one grand success OF I'M
meuse value to Waco. There never was a
time or movement In which Waco seemed
TO be In such good humor as at present
President Higgins of the wake karnivai
klub Is receiving letters daily OF inquiry
Among the many received Is the following;
Mr.. J. W. higgins. Waco, Texas,
Nelasco. Texas. April Is Dear Sir: VIII
You Kindly obliGe us by writing something
definite in regard to the Waco Queen Car
nival. What measures shall we take 10
elect queen from this place and who en-
tertalns visiting queens etc Yours truly
Mrs. j. e Campbell
Tho above letter is one of the many m
ouirics received Yesterday there was
lively scene In the Carnival ofhce OF the
president. About dozen young ladies ana
girls were directing. folding and sending
out matter explaining the May Queen Car
nival Mayors. presidents OF Commercial
clubs. civic and military organizations
cities and towns. private individuals, LADIES'
and gentlemen will be Invited.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
sOlR LAX Il.
Hh"'hcr OH Wei Ia lie sunis-pa,
sonai Mention.

Another oil Wen IN lie suniS-par-
sonai Mention.
Sour Lake. Texas. April l7.-An leo
cream and strawberry social was hold at
the Union church last night to raise money
to seat the church,
Tho Trinity Oh and I.rbrIcatlns comnonv
are preparing to sink another well on their
property
a grand BASKET picnic on Little Pine Isl
ana bayou, about two miles from hi.
plarc, Is on the tapis for May 1.
ir' i. 10 Galloway has returned from n
fil to beaumont and other places
MT II $ Blnneet,n and r. n. Lupdy
OF Betrmnnt, w. II. Turner OF l'ort
Worth. M John ., pcylne. wife AMI son.
OF san Antonio, Mr. and Mrs. George ".
Sweeney, Mr. Leopold flrs z. ami Mls.
tlla krilger Mr.. j. G. Spencer ana nr
w T. Mercer OF Galveston aro yisltorr
here.
Mr.. X. II. wilkins of Los Angeles. Cal
has returned TO Sour Lal-o after nm nh.
frnco OF thirty years. Ir wilkins saw.
there has been wonderful change In IN,
part Of the State since he saw IL l1st IN
the way Of Improvement
Mrs j u. Freeman and Mrs. II. J.
Newton are visiting In Houston this week
u Grant Houston Of Manhattan, Kan.
l. hilled to lecture hcra tomorrow on Fol
lowing in tho footsteps of Jesus"
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
WAxtirACIiIE.
singing Convention ia scS~ion--FIsh-
Ing Cinh nrgmmixrd.

ing ''"h "FH"hiE'"'
"aEahachie' Texas, April lS-fev. 8. G.
Locfttt OF Hutto. editor of Church Helper.
IL here and fiIisd ,h. ,ptnf, az tho com
b-,,,,d t,r,.,,...,-,..., ..,,,,,at -. -, 49,
"'FiahH ifeAbflfr.ah ehuFcA To-Day at the
II O'Clock service.
Tho Ellis County Singing convention is
ln go-siop al I4o,yet1 ,bis count, Abou,
sooo r.,,,-,. - a.,
"'r's arc III "''e""aHee io'l every
geo il)h Of The county Goats. beeYef. sheep.
ana lssi. oil not least. yeil0" ehlcAenA'
arr ueinE slaughtered to fced the masses
"A9 are pFaeieins religious songs.
mo- I-h.s |ohHS bar association met In
inc district court room yesterday after
room. President a. q. Kemble presiding.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
An INCIDENT.
Chicago Man Left When Senator
Rogers FIourisbed "Guu.''

Rogers FIourished n "Gnu."
Austin. Texas. April lS.--some people
have an idea that Texas IS the hardest
place in America. and there was a hard.
ware man in Austin last week who Will
never believe anything else. Senator
Rogers il responsible FOR the whole bust
uess.
Las. week some OF the pages of the
Senate were found toting six-shooters
small OF calibre and cheap o. make The
boys were searched and three guns"
which were dangerous 10 stand behind. al
well as in front. were yauked from flask
pockets.
senator Rogers drew up resolution
calling for an Investigation Of the pages
conduct and IN speaking OF 1t graspee
one 81 the pistols. shook It above HIS head
e1claimng.
The bsst evidence. Mr.. President is
the weapon Itself. and here IL is"
While this was going on, Louis ]. Worth.
aIu president ~ the third house" ac-
coupanied By friend from Chicago en-
tered ,he senate chamber
Good lands what's he going to do?'
said She stranger.
t0h don't mind that. that occurs often.
Let's sit down and hear what's going en-,
reterted Mr.. WORKMAN
Not In a thousand wears I'm going 20
give you a correct imitation Of a man going
10 bis hotel " and %. disapronref t1'nnsa
she senate door as Senator Rogers turned
aai began flirting the gun toward the rear
u tho chamber. The hardware man con-
tented himself by listening to the inter
state commerce commission hearing the
balance OK the day aud viii go back home
thoroughly lnbued win the idea = Texas
f.... nrtsa
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
EASTER CELEBRATlov
SPECIAL SERVICES HELD N ~
OF THE FESTIVAL
Churches Were Well AttepA..
Sermons and Singing Es,p
An Egg Hunt at Fort VISA

Brennan. Texas. April ls.-EafrI
day was an ideal day In this ses.zI
the Easter services at the variu, a:
were well attended and sprius rn
much in evidence.
AT the Methodist church the m
very fine and solos rendered By III
M. Simon and Miss Zephyl Crwls !
greatly enjoyed. Rev. e. P. X
pastor In charge, preached 20 ~
edifying Easter sermon.
At4 o'clock s. G.. Fullerson u N
Turkey. native American, uho n
escaped from a Turkish prison III
was sentenced for life on charsu III
treason, held a mass meeting for III I
fit of American sufferers, but Tie Il
were more interested In the zane ii
between Brennan and Bas,rvp tas
ut the same hour. and the ersti /
small. Following this meeting he In
League rendered IN interesting scsr,
AT the Baptist church Rev. D.
Reeves preached an able sermon
at the Episcopal church Easter WI
were held by the Sunday srheol al
G.. y. Dorset, Of Austin, prsista
Easter sermon.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
CELEBRATION At DRENuAM.
Programme of the san Jacinto Day
Exercises.

Programme of the san Jacinto Day
Exercises.
Brenham, Texas, April Is -Washington
camp. Cnilei Confederate Veterans. met
last evening to make final arrangements
Tor the san Jac.nto Day picnic to he held
ct Firemens park, Wednesday next. The
following programme OF exercises for the
day has been adopted:
Grand salute by the field artillery at
sunrise.
Members OF tho camp and invited guests
will asscmblc at camp headquarters. on
pcsite the Pennington hotel at o'clock
a m At $3.50 procession will he formed
by Commander NJ. a. Heaiey. At 10
O'Clock the procession Will move down
Douglass 10 Sandy street, w SANDY TO
Market up Market to Man. where the
main PROCESSION will be formed in tho
'V color beSrSarG"old Glory"
Second Regiment band.
Fire department.
Bicycle brigade.
Mayor and city council.
Onators OF the day.
Color bcarer-Texas flaS.
Brcnhem Light Guard.
Tom Green camp.
Bcllvlalc Camp.
Washington Camp.
BRENNAN Field Artillery.
AT THE PARK.
Music by Second Regiment band.
Invocation by Rev. L. w. Tarrant.
Heading Declaration of Texas 1ndepend-
ence--Allss Epstein.
Welcome address-Colonel d. C. Gid
dngs.
oTltion-Colouel G.. w. L.. Fly of w. r.
Scurry Camp, Victoria
Columbia" school children.
Dinner-Picnc style.
AFTERNOON EXERCISES
Reasscmble at Auditorium at 2 y. IN.
Music by tho hand.
-. Grafton by Comrade John NJ. Plnckney.
Tom Green Camp.
Music, by the band.
Grafton by w Il. Garrett Esq.
liuac by the band.
German Grafton by Professor ]. r.
Holmey, ad1utant Washington camp.
Music by the band.
At night a grand entertainment Will he
given at the Firemens summer Theater
by students OF the public school for the
benefit of the chidren's monumental
fund. 10 which an admission of - cents
Will he charged. These exercises will lie
gin at o'clock.
At.a O'Clock sharp the grand hall in the
pavilion. under the auspices of the Second
regiment band. will commence, the adj
mission TO which will be 80 cents for gen
II amen. Veterans free
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
TEXT BOOK UNIFORMITY.
II Will Take Up Much Time 10 the
Senate.
STOLE A MARCH on THIRD HOUSE,
senntc Worked in the Insurance
Tax Uncxpectedly-Chic MANS
Impression of the Legislature

Austin. Texas, April 1s.-The text sool
question. which occupied nearly three day'
Of the scna;es time last week, promises Il
take UP about tho same period tins weel
and probably more.
Senator Psesler begins the debate agar
Monday morning. and Senator bcali, ihf
champion ri tho district uniformity Idea
giyes notice that be will reply at som'
length He considers this an INT oriau'
question ami 4, should not be allowed ic
be engrafted into law such as the Pres
Tor bill provides for fear the tuture gen
erations Of Texas viii be made to suffer
by reason Of it.
Senator Ross. who has hardly been heard
from in this matter. further than his
amendment. adopting county uniformity
in lieu Of the state Plan. says he viii
speak 10 his amendment for about twenty
minutes.
1t is plainly evident thet the opposition
hope to render the question victim o..
long and tedious speeches. AID Is there
Is 10 rule N the senate ss 70 the iergth
Of the addresses they are a. liberty 70
talk IS long as fresh ideas present them
Eelves or thcf fancy suits.
Senator Vc4l CerAu fpeakias AZ ls.%y
a u. Friday nua closed 81 ! O'Clock ih1-
night .glliue ia that deht er3te, We.Fhty
manner that cha'acte'1tes every speech
he makes. re was accorded the marked at
terton Of almost tire eutire body.
4 dlsqosifl01 ras manifested % saturday
Tno'uinz 70 EiaeirCch The us AIDING h1sl-
pess 7chen Senator Preale- was 20 begin
his reply, cnd. although ha yielded several
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
ArTEn Tlns nArTtr.
senate stole hnrch on the Presi-
dent Of the Third House.

senate stole q March on the rresi-
dent Of tie Third House.
Austin. Teas Aurn d The past week
has beer fun Of ;rials and trihulauous for
the third houso. ~ begin VITA the mela-
bera thereof were excluded truu tie lotby
bg Sneaker DasLle!l. but it waa lot for
the sera;e TO deal them the most telling
blow. Tskiag nlgh cut the upper branch
stole march on tine most distinguished Of
the many able. anable aad seductive gen
ucmen who make 40 Nhal Is fnown "a tLe
lobby. aud by the amendment route
uassed. Va - far as it affects he ins,ir.
aLce concerns. the Drew insurance tax hi
which had apparently stalled Ia the bou.e
on the road 70 third reading. Balley'a
nanehae tax bill VIA uerd 10 reach tho
desired end when IL came over fran, tho
nouse and with its assistance the senate
brushed aside the constitutional obstaclo
which bars u from originating revenue
measures. Amendments were adou,ed
thereto which increase the taxes ~ siren
lns ana dining car companies md nut an
TIC z per cent Oh srosa premium recpints
tax which has so successfully been fought
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
SHERII'F'S DEPARTMENT.

Cameron, Tcyas. April 17.--stolen en-
Thursday night April 10, FROM the rack at
the Baptist church at Rockdale, one brown
mare about years old three stocking foot.
10 hands high, blotched brand on left shout
der and star In forehead Also Que l-year-
Old bay horse Is hands hish. ono white
hind foot, branded &c on left shoulder. A
reasonable reward Cor return or informa-
non Leading to the recovery o. the animals
viii he paid by /. H. Corbltt and TO-
ward of s25 for the arrest and conviction
OF thieves viii be paid by Marshal j. r.,
Hamilton Address r. Todd, Sheriff Nil
am county.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
At Fort Worth,

Fort Worth, Texas, April W
was celebrated here in neatgs Z
churches with appropriate sefln,
some of them specially prepara
programmes being carried ou.. y
pressive services were held at 81 M
Roman Catholic church, at b.. ~
Episcopal church, and at the flnI Y,
terrain church. High mass was w. y,
and very elaborate muslca pw-
rendered.
At St. Andrews Easter cofai; w
ana a special service for tue ep''''s
held IN the afternoon.
At the First Presbyterian enuHIr y, \
afternoon Worth Commander, ~
Templars, held IL special 500
Knight C. p. Bridewell, pasm
church and acting prelate, pIs,' -
sermon. all the exercises being y d
interest. A select choir rena@s y
PIRATE musical numbers,
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1897-04-19
'''y OF Houston is In the city.


Wharton. Texas. April lS.-sa, roa,..
day will be celebrated here Inv ,.a,,"r $3.50
snrdsv eahool picinc The uttla fn,ns
',' H''elo''oi by their parents and teachers
~, iIbie az the sand bar and onio,.
II nr'eht happy day together 'T Tn ar nJuy
W meet al the Baptist church. ana III vlii
: hoo,, IA, ,, l,cni, srounds eft S o'ei5eHT '''
gar s "y0H hor nnI ladder company was Or
ing OF about twenty members. o eTiS,s..
u,. Ssi been elected. o'''eerS
tr MISS Of iz IKE Kyie. the Accomplished eal-
Texan. spent few days in WIN ann south ~,
week. q" wharton this