Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1897-07-30
A SLIM BANQUET.
Mr.. $PooPendyke Fergets That II Is
wash Day.
Brooklyn Eagle


Spoopendykc, closing the door care
fully and approaching his wife with a
broad grin on his visagc. Say, my
dear, Spccklewottle's down stairs in
the parlor. He has come to take
dinner with us"
Great gracious" exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopcndyke, dropping her work and
bustling up to the glass to arrange
her hair. what did he come to-day
for? Don't he know it's wash day?"
"He came for dinner" retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, turning pale around the
lips. "What dye s'pose he came for,
to be washed? What's wash day got
to do whit? Think the man can to he
soaked in a tub and hung over a
clothes line with mcasly wooden pin
astridc the small of his back? Well,
he didn't, he came for grub, and you
want to hustle around and get it
pretty lively for him, or III began to
serve up things myself before long"
But, my DEAR" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, "there's nothing in the
house, The clothes-'
"Then serve up the clothesw roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke, who had utterly for
gotten the day of the week when he
invited his friend, and now wanted his
wife to get him out OF the scrape
somehow, and at the came time not
let him down with Specklewottle.
"Just put the clothes on a platter and
set 'em before him! You can explain
to him that we only eat three times a
week, like dog in hot weather
That'll satisfy him, so long as he has
the clothes to eat!"
"You don't imagine he would want
to eat the clothes, do you?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, enraged at the idea OF
being taken literally. "Just try him
and sling in come of the natural grace
you always put on the table! Mr..
Specklewottle, have some OF this
fricaseed petticoat' and Mr.. spoopen-
dyke held out the legs Of his trousers
as a woman holds her skirts, and
waltzed around the room. "'Mr
Specklewottle, have a little of this
poached nightshirt! Now, Mr.. Speckle
wottle, do try one OF these fried socks
and slice of the pillow sham! Dear
Mr.. Specklewottle, pray let me help
you to piece of this shirt collar and
pair of stuffed cuffs! Imade them my
self, though they are not as good as
that's the way to do itw continued
Mr.. Spoopendyke, suddenly concluding
his remarks with war whoop, and
presenting himself before his wife
all out of breath. "Think you've got
that bill of fare all right? See your
way clear to a successful dinner party
now?"
"There's some cold shad down
stairs, and / think there is raw ham
in the cellar" ruminated Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke, regarding her husband with a
startled look of inquiry, as if asking il
he thought Specklewottle would mind
the meat being raw and the fish q
trifle cold. "I don't think he has
anything home on Mondays except
cabbage and beans. Or perhaps he
may have doughnuts and pie" she
continued, hastily, seeing her husband
swelling with a retort. "And I'm
sure they are good"
"That's what he wants" howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. Bring forth the
shad that froze to death in the house
of Spoopendyke! Develop the measly
banquet and let joy be unconined
Amt ye got any more sense than q
bunghole? Think Pm going to bring
the aristocracy here to fatten on dead
fish and live hogs! How long are you
going to let that man sit down stairs
in state of starvation? Where's that
roast beef brought home the other
day."
Il think we ate that all up the day
it came home," sighed Mrs. Spoopen
dyke! "Do you mean that roast with
the queer little sticks in it?"
1.-THE same," replied Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, nerving himself for another
ordeal. "Did we eat the sticks? An
to understand there is not one little
dodgasted stick left of all that afluent
luxurious mess? Lift the impenetrablt
veil of obscurity of the secluded bower
of the shrinking sticks" he yelled, a.
It dawned ON him that Specklewottlt
was in the parlor waiting to be fed
and that the social problem was NJ
nearer solution than when he started
"Let us unravel the mystery tina
hangs like pail over the fate of thu
unhappy sticks, that they may come
forth and fructify Specklewottle," ant
in the excess of his emotion Mr.. Spoop
endyke grasped for breath and resting
his hands on his knees, looked as if h
were inviting his wife to little gam'
of leapfrog.
"There's some lettuce in the house
and I bought some strawberries to-day
and I could cook the steak had savet
over for breakfast" murmured Mrs
Spoopendyke, coming out triumphant
ly in the end, woman like. "And
will put on my new wine colored satin
and we will give him nice supper"
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