The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-11-21
az orrr 1rrrEn no sIAsHRn.
showing Now DrivinG. once in Four Holes. 1s
Net All OF coli.

/" LEAR DkAbhhNts AON
unanswered, but now that I can no longer prac-
ticc 1 shall have time to preach golf. 1t was
Wendell Phillips who said that tho Puritans
believed hell was a place whore every one must
mind his own business. But IL you hihg that
at mo 1 may reply that you brousht IL upon
yourself. You asked me timidly what Thought
of your game. 1 know the polite answer you
expected. so do you: therefore 1t is unnecessary
to write that. Instead / will tell you what 1
think. In spite OF those long drivos-l have
seen you drive, 1 must admit, several balls well
over 200 ynrds-you are q very mediocre
player. You seldom do n round under
nincty.two or three, and SO long az you are In
my neighborhood 1 need mover lack for golf
balls, though my drive Is seldom over ITO yards,
and usually ten yards shorter.
Have you over seen a young woman who had
been told very often that she had beautiful
teethi Have you noticed how she seems to DO
I'LL teeth; how she projects them at you on oil
occasions, as though she were advertising q now
brand of tooth ~powderf Well, pardon me. my
dear Slasher: your driving reminds me Of such q
young woma When your drive comes of,
say once in four holes, you strut and preen your
self as though you were a golfnR peacock
You have told mo during the last season, not
once. but q dozen times, how your professional
remarked of one of your drives, that 1t was the
longest drive he ever saw. But you did not tell
me even once that you gave him $5 after that
lesson. He told mel You devote 90 much at
tention to that drive Of yours that your putting
is Of tho corkscrew order and your approaching
can only be called approaching" in q general
and complimentary sort Of way, Just as q rock.
ing horse may DO said to gallop, though he does
not advance.
Now, the game OF golf requires not only that .
man should get his ball away from the tee. but
also that he should get It into the hole. You ao-
complish this eventually, but generally after
much modification and hazardous accidents.
No doubt there are still untutored savages who
imagine that they can multiply potatoes and
apples together, and get as a result SO many
apples or SO many potatoes; 30 there are also
many golfers-and you, my dear Slasher, are q
prince among them-who imagine that you can
multiply drives and approaches and puts to-
gether, the length of the one making up for the
feeble, hobble-de-hoy awkwardness of tho 9TH
ers. But it cannot be done. Slasher, any more
than the untutored savage - clothes himself in
front" by leaving himself "bare behindl' Be
not deceived; it is not your drive that makes
you as good q player as you are. On the con-
trary, 1t is your drive that keeps you the poor
player that you are. You remember Goldsmith's
little elegy on the death Of a mad dog:
But soon n wonder came to light,
That showed the rogues they lied;
The man recovered OF the bite.
The dog II was that died.
classic though it be, and not inappropriate.
have great sympathy for you, though. for
which. %afflicts almost ali RoIdng puppies. /
don't know what you can take for it. A sound
licking, two or three a week. is as good as any
thing. but so far as / know you are taking that
prescription very regularly. IL you have q ply
stefan you, may not need the attention Of a
specialist like me. However, IL you want me,
my fee is a dozen balls II visit of eighteen holes.
1 Gun take counsel with you. however, at q
at q distance in making these suggestions. So
few men ever really like to have their faults eX-
orally lacking in a keen sense Of humor. and You
Will pardon what may seem like gross brutality IL
say that as a golfer you are just a little vain.
Those occasional drives Of yours are the be-
setting sin you find it next to impossible to con-
quer. HJdut tendre d la perfection, sans jdmais
y pr6tendre, and l fear that those drives Of
yours lead you to pronounce your other numer.
GUS defects accidents. when In reality they are,
and you know they are. part and parcel OF your
I have often thought it a great misfortune to
a man or to % i9 5piv i,f fit a ? poet; yet to have no ,,1 DostIS
and then to make ones other shots like a golf.
ing neophyte. But though you be not a great
of you. as said Dryden of one Of his enemies:
The midwife laid her hand on his thick skull
With this prophetic blessing: Be thou dull.
There is no reason why the golfer should not
be q modest and u~nassuming member of society.
He should neither DO intoxicated by his sue,
defeats. His brains should guide him and teach
him the relative Importance OF things. as in the
litical office. The lines apply to the golfer az
well as to tho politician:
politician should $50 I have ready
Be furnished IN the first place with q head.
To judge by your conduct sometimes -partic
ularly at that fourth hole. whore TO foozle the
drive is to play three from the tee-one would
rate, is comparable only TO some unexpected.
and Observation-Disclosures. cataclysm of ma
ture, or the defeat of Seth Low, or any other
not [ O heck Dected pNnreSSiOn Of the Divine M
ever, in this world of ours. The loyeliest, most
defeated; even johnnie" Bull has been known
to miss n put of six inches. WHY, then, shoul Id
your anger at. the ball. the tee, the club. the
nails in your shoes. none of which. by the way
ball! Why, Slasher, do you not know that:
Love and mcekness
Become a golfer. better than ambition;
Win straying balls with modesty again;
Curse not ut all.
You arc no longer a chicken. Slasher. You
graduated only two years after l did. and ! was
invited to the tenth anniversary dinner of my
class some six years ago. My boy is already
causing his mother much uneasiness by putting
permitting himself TO be used as a kind OF hant
plough at Grolon. He calls it playing left
calls it brutal, and the Now York Ereninf
Post. with a strangely un.Hibernian delighI
ADDS football tSMbi f0 To its rom index sue eRpu "a s9@fSs
to which almost everything else American
had been ad ed long ago: SO you see, Slasher
case. Most people think you ought to have thu
self.control of maturity. for the diameter O
your waistband is no longer what might be OK
fore It is that, not only for the sake OF your golf
but also for the sake Of your, reputation as
were ono of the $4,000 signatures that die
not become flesh and blood. one of tn
upon me to write you this long and careful
letter in reply to your request for my opinion o
your golf Pray accept 1t as 1t is meant. III
seems harsh, remember that frankness Otter
has tho superficial look of unfriendliness, bu
you know-owing me still. as you do, fourteen
new s~ilvertowns-that l could not permit frank
ness even to suffer at tho expense of friendli
ness in your case.
j am, my dear Slashor. with renewed acknowl
edgment of my esteem for your driying-once Ii
o. +, BoaIK, Jr.
TIE BUNKERs. Is November. '97.
To Hees A: Slasher. Esq., The Dumps, Lake
wood, MI.
Court Know What Was Poker.
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Paul Milliken. who Ia one of the most Donula