davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
CURRENT FUN.

To Please the sex.-Manager-I think I'll try an innovation in presenting this new drama.
 Assistant-What is the idea? Manager-At the matinees l thought we might have the last act played first, so the ladies can see at once how the play ends. Puck.
 A Bond of Sympathy.-"That new hired girl of ours goes out every night
 "I can sympathize with you So does our furnace. ."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 No Stopping It-"Stop!" she cried, press ing her hand to her low, retreating brow.
 "Ha ha,' laughed the villain, for as he left her. her brow was still retreating.
 It was too late.-Detroit Journal.
 The New Widow-Insurance Agent-Be- fore filing the claim, will you be kind enough to give me a certificate of your husbands death, madame?
 The New Widow-With pleasure.-Life.
 The Bishop and the Artist.-A pompous bishop was having his portrait painted, and after sitting for an hour in silence, he thought he would break the monotony "How are you getting along?" he inquired
 To his astonishment the artist, absorbed in his work, replied: Move your head a little to the right and shut your mouth"
 Not being accustomed to such a form of address, his lordship asked: May ask you why you address me in that manner?"
 The Artist (still absorbed in his work)- I want to take off a little of your check London Tit-Bits.
 er
 Characteristic.-"Yourc clam chowder," re- marked the diner to the restaurant cashier, as he paid the amount of his check and slowed away a pint of toothpicks in his vest pocket lis distinguishabe above all the other clam chowders I ever ate."
 "In what way?" asked the cashier, who did not know whether to be pleased or not.
 By it's clamlessness. ."-Pittsburg Chroni- cle Telegraph.
 Not Necessarily.-Wa Bilker rents that s40-a month house of yours, does he? He pays too much rent. Landlord (sighing)-You don't know him. Puck.
 His Last Hope.-Mamma-No. Willy; there is no such person as Santa Claus. Little Wily-Is George Washington a myth too, mamma ?-Puck.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

tha various missions they are conducting in wl1sle or in part-state missions, home missions. foreign missions. They come to consider. too, the educational weFk they have become jointly interested in. There are the high schools In the sey- eral parts of the state, the Judson Fe- male Institute at Marion, and Howard college at East Lake, which offers to any young man who desires flo join the ministerial service educational advan- tages. no matter what church he may be connected with. The delegatss, too, will give some of their time to the weak and helpless. The Orphans Home at Evergreen, is an example of what the Baptists are doing in that direction.
 The delegates have not come here for heaDbhs sake. They have much work to do, and the people of Birmingham have thrown their doors open, and will do all they can do to render their tasks less arduous, and thsir stay in the city more agreeable and pleasant.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
Ferocity of Pears Is Bosh.
rom the Washington Post.

From the Washington Post.
 "The majority of those stories you hear about the ferocity of the bear are all bosh,' ' said Mr. w. J. Stevens of New Mexico last night, at the National. "I have hunted for many years, and have never had any of the tumbles and alleged narrow escapes at the paws of the bears you so often hear of The only American bears which are really dangerous are the grizzly and the slver-tp, both being practically of the same family. The brown, black and -cin- namon bears are not nearly as dangerous as many people would have you believe I have superintended the capturing of lots of bear cubs in my lifetime, and, honestly, they showed more fight than their mother. In nine cases out of ten the old bear was easily frightened from her young, and once up a tree the little fellows were ours. If the mother went up the same tree with the cubs all we had to do was to climb an ad- joining tree and force her down by jibing her in the ribs with long poles. bear mother will not nrotect her young like dogs, cats, or birds, but will leave them at the first sign of danger. There are many pretty stories about the fights they put up, but they don't amount to anything"
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
Reed and the Administration.

From the Chicago Record.
 Although the president of the United States has appealed urgently for legisla- tive action on two important questions, it is now announced that the speaker of the house, together with not few other re- publicans, is not disposed to pay much heed to the request. The president asked with some eagerness that the Hawaiian islands be annexed; there followed a marked decline in pro-annexation senti- ment. He urged the adoption of monetary reforms; the announcement comes that Speaker Reed favors policy of complete rest and recuperation for the business world.
 That this novel situation may not be without its political significance those who are familiar with the personality of Speaker Reed will admit. The present con- gressional opposition to annexation and to action on finance issues would be as noth- ing but for Reed. We hear a great deal of prospective "revolts" against the speak CTS "dictation," but somehow the lead CTS of revolts are always mysterously missing at the critical time. MT. Reed now makes it manifest that he is openly opposed to the administration policy on certain essential points. His caustic and
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
Lack of Patriotism.

The southern members of congress who are hostile to taking any decisive action upon tha Cuban question because of ths fear of fnjuring the commercial inter ests, are not true representative of the patriotic sentiment of the southern peo- ple. Their action is regarded as nothing more nor less than oowardice. The American people are patriotic. They have for the past thres- years been de- manding the freedom of Cuba. TEfs is because they are freedom loving people.
 It has suddenly dawned upon some of the southern men in congress that some of the southern cities are very much ex- posed in the event of a naval conflict with Spain. It is true they are ex- posed. But the southern members of congress should not allow this to deter them from performing what the people want them to perform upon the subject of the recognition, at least, of the bel 1igerent rights of the Cuban insurgents The southern members who are appre- hensive of loss of commercial volume tn the event of trouble with Spain pos sess less patriotism than do the sharks of Wall street.
 They are taking a position which indi- cates that they prefer the accumulation of few dollars over the performing of a patriotic act. Why need any sensible man in the United States be afraid of Spain7 If Spain enforces a war upon the Limited States, let it come, and have it over with. All that is necessary for the American government to do in this mat ter is to take a bold, fearless and brave stand. When that is done, commerce Twill take care of itself
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
The Soldiers Ra tn Tub.

From the Chicago Inter ocean.
 Washington, Dec. 12.-Congressman Coop CT of Texas, from the committee on war claims, has submitted to the house re- port in favor of paying $l5Oo0 to the New berry college of South Carolina for dam ages done by the union troops in 1S65. MT. Cooper recites the history of the college and shows that the Fifty-sixth New York Infantry, commanded by Brig.-Gen. Van Wyck, used the main college building as barracks for several months. The dam ages alleged in the report are rather novel. It is charged that the soldiers stopped up the water pipes, which conducted the rain water from the roof, and by that means created swimming tank on the roof.
 There were parapet walls rising above the roof all sides, and by stopping the drain pipes the soldiers accumulated water to the depth of four feet on the roof, and used this as a bathing tank. It is claimed that this large amount of water put such weight on the roof as to bulge the walls and cause the building to decay rapidly so that In a few years it had to be aban- doned. MT. Cooper thinks that 1t would be to the credit of our national honor if c5n- gross allowed this claim of $15,OOO damages caused by the soldier boys who established their bath tub on the top of the college building.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

From the Chicago News.
 The doctor is often more dangerous than the disease.
 No man ever respects woman who does not respect herself.
 Remorse and economy are always faith. ful followers of the races.
 Surgeons always make their bills out &C., cording to the cut-rate schedule
 How the weeds would laugh if the far mer were to strike for eight hours day.
 There Is no duty on the wool the candi- date pulls over the eyes of the voters.
 The hen is a good example of persever- ance, but an example you can't always set. The bicycle skirt comes rather high. but the opera gown never fails to get it in the neck.
 Little girls should never tell stories. They are apt to grow up and become lady novelists.
 face of the earth. Now they use slates.
 When a man says he is moderate drink CT it is about as definite as saying any thing is the size of dog
 It is said that matrimony ends a wo- mans existence; but the man who acts as a motor for a baby carriage is still in the push,
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
A YEAR AGO.

From the Boston Transcript. It is only the April rain beating softly
 That you hear, And not the sound of a woman's footstep
 Drawing near; Only the sweep of the bare brown woodbine
 On the pane, And not the fall of her trailing garments
 Come again. It is but a distant vesper chiming
 On the night, And not her voice the old songs singing
 For your delight; Only flash of the gem on your finger
 That you see, And not the light from her dark eye glanc- ing
 Tenderly It is only the stifling scent of the flower
 That you wear, And never the fafntly perfumed sweetness
 Of her hair; And the touch that your fingers feel is nothing
 But the thrill That memory kept for your tormenting,
 And keeps still How can her presence be but seeming
 When you know Under the bare brown woodbine she left you
 year sgo2 And spring and summer and autumn have faded,
 And winters snow Has drifted between you since that parting
 One year ago.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
The Baptist Convention.

' The Age-Heraad welcomes to Birming- ham the delegates from the seven hun hrsd Baptist churches in the state, who have come to the convention at East Lake. These delegates represent memJ bership exceeding one hundred thousand pf the age of discretion.- and perhaps twice that number of adherents. There Is not county, scarcely nook, of the state that lis not repr: scented in the con wention.
 The delegates voluntarily come from fhe churches, each independent and self governing. to consider questions of deep Interest to all. They cone to discuss
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

of acting upon them at once without waltz ing for the report on the Gage bill; For these reasons the full committee on bank ing will be asked to report on the presi- dents plan at once.
 The draft of bill has been prepared by MT. Brossus, of Pennsylvania, and this which Is to return 1t in time for action for the committee with such suggestions as the treasury officials may wish to make.
 As to the comprehensive Gage bill this and the monetary conference bill will be gone over with care during the holidays, and as a result of the better feeling created today, members of the banking and cur rency committee say there is no further doubt that action will be reported to the house soon after the holidays.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
aatirlcai remarks on Hawaii are emlnently

satirical remarks on Hawaii are eminently characteristic.
 Thomas B. Reed Is one of the most dis corning as he is one of the ablest men in the republican party. His characteristic self-assurance, his wit, his ability as a fighter. are the qualities which have won his popularity, but they are merely the incidental traits of a man of pretty large ealiber. Entirely aside from these, MT. Reed has the attributes that go to make political greatness. The most salient hg- ure in congress, he has threatened at vari- ous times to become the most prominent figure in his party, and that, too, by his superior force.
 Is it not apparent that the Reed cult at Washington Is still a dangerous rival of the Mckinley cult? Here is a chance for boisterous partisans to fall milne for their favorite great man in the republican party. The patriotic rank and file may be relied on to stand by the president in most things
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
The Warrior Canal.

Brmingham's waterway is progress ing-not so rapidly, it is true, as the people of flfs district desire, but still it is progressing. Much has been accom- plished. For 1t should uever be forgot ten that this great waterway extends from the sea to Red mountain itsef. The work was very properly begun at the sea end. First ,twenty-four feet of wa ter was secured at the bar of Mobils har- bor, and up thrtcugh the long bay chan nel was dredged out, so that vessels drawing twenty-three feet of water could sail directly to the wharves of Mobile.
 Ths second step in the building of the great waterway consists in the removal of snags and other Instructions in the Tombigbee and Warrior rivers up to Tuscaloosa. The work has been steadily prosecuted by the government, and the two rivers are now open to tow boats and barges during at least the greater part of the year.
 The third step has been entered upon, namely, the opening of the upper War rior by mans of locks and dams so barges of six feet draughlt, from Tusca- loosa to the forks of the Sipsey and Null berry, a distance of ninety-two and a half miles. Three locks and dams have been completed between Tuscaloosa and Daniels creek, and the fourth lock about seven miles higher up the stream is in course of construction. These locks and dams cost about $200,000 each. and it is estimated that eight VIII be needed between Daniels creek and Locust fork, a point forty-seven miles above Tusca- loosa. This distance covers Squaw shoals, the most serious obstruction in qtha river. In a series of rapids at this point there is a fall of fogity-one feet in four and one-half miles.
 The work that the government has en- tered upon above Tuscaloosa opens up the Warrior coal field-vfairly btsects it in fact and 1t aDone will bring prosperity to great sections of the state. The pros porous towns along the two rivers will be benefftted as well as Mobile and the coal district itself. And doubtless the chief object of the coming Tuscaloosa convention will relate to the utmost pos s1bre hastening of slack water naviga- tion in the upper Warrior.
 When the upper Warrior is equipped with locks and dams and six-foot naviga- tion, will any one in the Birmingham dis trict doubt for one mom mt the openings of the thirty mile gap between the river and this city? Every increase in the city's industries, especially in the pro duction and consumption of steel, will suggest that th+ completed four hun dred miles of water way should be sup plemented, and rendered useful and prof itable by the addition of tha Red moun- tain link of thirty miles. It is really treason to think that the fourth step will not be taken when so much money has been spent upon the three prelim- mary steps. Wh5n Pittsburg looks to the government for a ship canal from Lake Erie to it's river, may not this dis tr.ot reasonably anticipate the building of thirty mile canal for six-foo boats |? The locks and dams in the upper Warrior and the tonnage of Birmingham will de- mand it.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
DISASTROUS FIRE.
Business Portion of DuJr'a, Pa., Almost De
 stroyed.

Scranton, Pa., Dec. H.-One and possibly two lives were lost and $75,O00 worth of property destroyed in disastrous fire which started about midnight last night in Duyrea and almost ruined the business part of the town. William H. Lowe, mine super intendent, entered the store buildings to save some stock and papers and was burned to death. The body was recovered this morning. John Plebantine, township clerk, is missing, and there is little doubt that he perished in the flames Nine store buildings and four dwellings were de- stroyed. 1-sa
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
DEVIOUS DEFINITIONS.
From the Chicago News.

From the Chicago News
 SA--"AS," in looking glass.
 Dude-Another name for a tailor's goose. Diary-A continued story that lends be- fore it's finished.
 Hyphen-The one plausible excuse for breaking your word
 Nothing-A thing that isn't thing, be- cause it's nothing.
 Dolars-Stamped coins made to represent financial circles.
 Bachelor-A bird of freedom that some of the caged ones envy.
 Drill-A bore-especially to the officer who trains raw recruits. . Cigarette-A rank concoction with light on one end and nothing on the other. Scruple-One-third of drachm, although some men take dram without any scru- pies.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
Re r anded on Ba l

London, Dec. 14.-Jimmy Barry, of Chi- cago, White, his second; Walter, the sec ond of the late Walter Croot, of Newcastle, Eng; B. F. Angell manager of the Nation- al Sporting club, London, and the referee and time keeper of the boxing match dur ing which on the 9th inst. Croot was fa- tally injured, were brought up on remand today in the Bow street police court on the charge of mansaughter. They were remanded on bail Their dispositions will be sent to the public prosecutor
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
Boiler Explosion.

Charleston, S. C., Dec. 14.-The boiler of a 15-horse power engine used at Townsend s wood yard, on Trade street, in this city, exploded at 2:30 o'clock this afternoon. Dallis Whitefield was killed instantly and two other negroes, named Chisholm and Hall, were fatally injured. part of Whitefeld's body was blown through a third-story window 800 feet away. It is supposed that the negroes who were in charge of the yard allowed the water to run too low in the boiler and the explosion occurred
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
The Southern Bankers.

Atlanta, Dec. 14.-The Southern Bankers meet here in convention tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock for the purpose of discussing the currency reforms and electing dele gates to Washington, who will be author ized to take the subject up before con- gress About 2,000 invitations have been sent out to the bankers of the southern states. The convention will result in im- portant action. The convention will be in session only one day.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
Large Volunteer Corps.

Berlin, Dec. 1.-The volunteer corps which is going to China exceeds 1,200 men in number They have been drawn equally from all the army corps. Herr Eugene S. Wolff, the well known explorer, cables to the Tageblatt from Shanghai saying that China is wholly indifferent to the seizure of Kiao Chou bay
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
The Indians Advancing

Washington, Dec. 14-Commissioner Jones, of the Indian office, has arrived in the city after an investigation of Indian agencies in Oklahoma and the Indian ter ritory. Generally speaking, he found that in Oklahoma the wards of the nation were making fairly good progress in the steps of civilization. A notable exception is that of the full-blooded Osage tribe, who, he says, are less advanced than they were ten years ago.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

If Maj. Culver will carry more hay seed in his pockets and fewer railroad passes, Ee will be more in favor with the plain pee ple-those sturdy democrats in the trenches who find honest toll in tilling the soil.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

No doubt the directoNs of the gas com pany have said to MT. Roden that ne hao talked too d-d much"
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

a s1OO.OOO mill, or even a $5OOOO mil, in any southern community. by local capi- tai and enterprise. as a far more desir- able and far mors promising achieve ment for the present and future prosper ity of the community and of the south than the building and operation of the largest nli1l that could be built by Boston capitalists" The towns in the two Car olinas have built nearly thrse hundred small mills, and they are putting up more every year, almost every month in the year.
 It is such opportunities that Alabama towns-towns of one thousand people more or lsss-are letting slip, thus miss ing the smiling prosperity that attend towns in the two Carolinas. There are many towns in this state that could get together money enough to build small
 weaving mill; there is scarcely a town in the state that could not gather on the installment plan enough money to build and equip a spinning mill or at wherever there is good water power. Go to North Caroina for plans and ad- vice and skilled help. Get out of the cotton of your neighborhood all there mites that the Standard doubtless had in mind when it printed the sentence at the head of this article.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

Should Gen. Grosvenor succeed in batter ing down the civil service walls he will be a much larger man among the Ohio office seekers than is Mark Hanna.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

The senate and house yesterday reflected credit upon themselves in adjourning out Of respect to the president in the loss of his venerable mother.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

There is great danger of some republican members of congress working overtime in the matter of kicking the stuffing out ot the civil service law.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

The American people can well feel prlo' in MT. Bryan, who is the recipient or ois tinguished honors in Mexico.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

As young MT. Kossuth has got in a good word for Buda Pest at the expense or Vienna, he may be expected to be stoned the next time he makes a visit to the Aus trian capital.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

Should former Minister to Pal.s James B. Eustis, now resident of New York, be selected for a post on the Tammany slate, the man at Princeton will have lost faith in his friend whom he sent from New Orleans to the French capital.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

Secretary Gage may find 1t difheult to get congress to properly "see" his many hnan- oial schemes without liberal use of salt.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

Murderer Durrant is at last beginning to realize that the end is not far oft It mas taken this red-handed murderer almost three years to come to the conclusion that he is guilty.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

Yesterday proved to be an unlucky day with the Arizona train robbers. Justice has fairly swift wings in that land of sum shine and silver.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

Gen. Blanco is not making as many vic tories out of defeat as did Gen. Weyler
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
The Professional Confessor

MT Roden may be said to be well mug Zled man.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15
TIE AGE HERALD.
ADVERrIsING RATEs.

Entered at the nostofice at Birmingham, Ala. as seeond-class matter.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

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The age-herald., 1897-12-15

No Stopping It-"Stop" she cried, press ing her hand to her low, retreating brow. "Ha, ha,' laughed the villain, for as he left her, her brow was still retreating
 It was too late.-Detroit Journal.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

The New Widow-Insurance Agent-Be- fore filing the claim, will you be kind enough to give me a certificate of your husbands death, madame?
 The New Widow-With pleasure.-Life.
The age-herald., 1897-12-15

A Bond of Sympathy.-"That new hired girl of ours goes out every night"
 'I can sympathize with you. So does our ce"-Cleveland Plain Dealer.