Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1897-07-21

| "J0hn OF lrDy, Salu Gne Ordcle III
sepulchral tones, shave I your atten'
ton ?"
"You have, o Oracle"
"What dost thou seek ?"
"a seat in the senate"
"What debars you ?"
"There are others"
"Are they formidable ?"
II fear one because of his wonder
full ingenuity in forming combines"
"TO whom dost thou refer?"
"To John of McLaurin."
"You Ir-by saying that" interrupt
ed John of McLaurin, smiling at his
own wit.
"Will you deny that combine has
been formed ?" returned John OF lrby
hotly.
John of McLaurin smiled again.
1.-THE only combine that l know any
thing about" he replied, serenely, "is
combination of the honest voters of
this state who will cast their ballots in
the next election in a way sadly dis
committing to the erstwhile senator
from South Carolina"
"And that election will result in me
being commissioned junior senator
from this state" cried John of Evans,
with grandiloquent flourish.
"What's that about commissions ?"
uueried John of Duncan, who had
failed to hear all of the Aiken mans
prediction.
"Who said anything about commits.
sions ?" retorted John of Evans with a
malignant scowl.
"Well, I'm sure you never did" re-
turned John of Duncan sweetly. "But
| 1 rather think it false modesty on your
part. Won't you tell US about it?"
eyes, do," echoed John of McLau-
rim, interestedly; 1--WE are just Aiken
to hear"
Here the Oracle interposed. "Why
dost thou profane my place of habita-
ton with unseemly dissension? If
thou canst not properly comport thy
selves, away and leave me in peace"
Again John of Irby stepped forward.
~ assure you, o Oracle, of our heart
felt sorrow for so far forgetting our
selves as to engage in heated contro-
versy in thy presence. We thought
we were at Sumter"
II like your tone and manner, John
of Irby," replied the Oracle kindly.
"You seem to be an honest man."
Remember, o Oracle" cried John
of McLaurin, anxiously, "that line of
Longfellow's which says: Things
are not what they seem.'"
"Heed him not, o Oracle" cried
John of Irby, angrily. "He is Dem
ocratic heratic, conceived in the womb
of treason and brought forth as o
child of Reform"
John of McLaurin became livid with
rage. "You iniquitious old imbecile," i"
he shouted. "You bibulous blather-
skite, bred on bluff, braggadocia and
buster. You,-you,-"
"Say, Irby, can't you stop the mouth
of that alliterative ass" interposed
John of Evans, initably.
"Shut up, you nondescript nodule
on the neck of Nonenity," cried John
of McLaurin, shaking his finger at
John of Evans.
"Ha! ha! ha !" laughed John OF
Duncan in wild delight. "Hit him
again, Mac"
"Why should I hit such hiatus OF
the genus homo ?" replied John OF
McLaurin in bitter scorn.
"Get out!" shouted John Of Evans,
furiously. "You've had your head in
the public trough long enough. You'd
like to gobble up everything, including
the husks."
"You needn't talk about gobbling
up everything in the public trough,
even the husks," retorted John of Nc
Laurin with bitter sneer. "When
YOU took your head out not even a
Rhind could be found"
"Punch his head, Evans" cried
John of Irby, loudly. "He's trying
to rake up the dead past and air yonr
record"
"You are right" returned John of
McLaurin, emphatically. ~ wouldn't
endanger my life by touching this
mans record until it had been thor
oughly aired. In its natural, raw
state it smells to heaven"
"Why don't you try and have a
duty placed on raw records ?" suggest
ed John of Irby, sarcastically. "You
are so bitterly opposed to free raw
material"
"There is nothing known to science
that would compete with his record, u
replied John Of McLaurin, acidly,
"and where no competition exists a
duty is not necessary"
cat this maltreating of his political
past John of Evans foamed with rage.
"You're a pretty fellow" he howled,
"to be scuttling other peoples records.
What about your own? You are a
protectionist, rank, old protectionist.
l intend to show you up on the stump,
and l will illustrate with this crash
suit of mine the fallacy of your So
called plea for the protection of south
ern cotton"
81 would discard that crash suit if l
were YOU" returned John of McLau-
rim, with an inscrutable smile.
"No doubt you would prefer me to," !"