The Greenville times. [volume] (Greenville, Miss.) 1868-1917, 1897-06-09
JoKER's BUDGET.
Jssts' and Yarns by Funny Men Of the
Press.

HNNhs AHA alls w AN''J 'kN 49,
Press,
NOVEL WHITING.
"Pushpen thinks he has struck a new
tote in fiction"
at must be bank note"
SPRING CLEANING.
81 do my spring cleaning atau seasons
Of the year"
GLOW is that"
81 am matchmaker"
ANOTHER VICTIM
Teacher Where were you yesterday?
Pupil (whimpering)-lt was all Billy
Smiths fault; he hipnertized me, an
made me go ishin with him.
WITH HLARTY.
Richard-How are you and Miss
Smarte getting on? Does she smile on
your suit?
Robert-smie on it? She actually
laughs at It'll
AN ASCENDING SCALE.
Curate's Little Girl-My hen has laid
an egg.
Wears Little Girl-My hen has laid
two.
Bishops Little Girl-Thars nothing;
my father has laid foundation stone.
Absorbing AMBITION.
'Did you say that boy of yours was
ambitious?n
"Ambtiousl Well, | should say
Why, that boy does nothing but sit around
all day and think of the great things he's
going to dog
ONLY QUESTION OF FAT.
"But we cannot live on papa" pro.
tested the savages bride to be. 'He is
dreadfully poor"
ave can wait until he is fatter!" said
the cannibal.
HE KNEW
Teacher-Now have explained to you
the difference between good and evil, tell
me what sort of little boys go to Heaven.
Billy Shocks (promptly)-Deaduns.
A HOPELESS CASE.
Husband You don't try to make home
attractive. Look at that table now; no
luxuries to tempt the appetite"
Wife-Why, you provoking thingI
you told me only last night that you didn't
have any appetite.
TIE GREATER WISDOM.
Watts-Don't you think that the man
who knows when to stop talking is about
as wise as they get?
Potts-About, but not quite. The
greatest brain is in the possession OF the
man who knows when not to begin.
DID NOT HAVE TO TALK MUCH.
"Wilie Washington" said the friend
sis one of those people who tell every
thing they know"
YES" replied Miss Cayenne, YEARLY
"and he doesn't talk very much, either"
GOOD WAY TO HANG.
First Tramp-What do they mean by
hangin' man in etfigy?
Second Tramp-Thats when they just
string up a stuffed figure of him.
First 'lramp-Well, if | wuz goin' ter
be hung I'd like to have it done that way.
CORDS OF TIMBER.
"Wil you tell me why the word
timbre' is used in describing Il singers
tones?" asked Mrs, Homewood of her
husband.
You know that the cord is measure
of quantity for wood, do you not"
"Of course"
Then you will see by analogy that
vocal chords have something to do with
singers timbre."
PROMISE.
at is customary to remember the
waiter sir" said the waiter, as the guest
was about to take his leave without fee
ing him.
"Oh, rest easy" said the guest. 81
shall not forget you. Next time | come
| shall have another waiter, or lunch
elsewhere"
TIE USUAL WAY.
"Will you kindly hand these little things
to the editor. What is the usual way I!
I've never done any work for the papers
before"
Office Boy-Wel, the usual way is
Just to leave them, and then come around
in day or TWO again ana get lneul
back.
WHERE IT WENT.
Old Party-Why are you crying, my
little man?
The Little Man-Please, sir, Il
lost Nine ball.
Old Party-Well, well; don't cry.
Here's a quarter to buy another. Now
tell me where you lost it?
The Little Man-Please, sir, troo de
front winder of yer house, sir.
A GUILTY CONSCIENCE.
81 was quite at loss, said Mr.. Storm
ington Barnes, ito understand why, when
pointed my finger into space and said
the counterfeit presentment of man,
man got up and left precipitately."
II guess" exclaimed the treasurer,
"that he must have been the man who
did it."