davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
uninue n1nrringe Certiicnte.

Dean Swift was walking on the Phoenix
road, Dublin, when a thunderstorm sud
denly came on, and he took shelter under
a tree, where a party were sheltering also
two young women and two young men.
One of the girls looked very sad, till, as
the rain fell, her tears began to flow, says
the San Francisco Wave. The dean in
quired the cause and learned that it was
her wedding day. They were on their way
to church, and now her white Clothes were
wet and she could not go.
Never mindful marry you" said the
dean; and he took out his prayer book and
then and there married them, their wit
nesses being present; and, to make the
thing complete, he tore a leaf from his
pocketbook, and with his pencil wrote and
signed a certificate, which he handed to
the bride.
The certificate was worded as follows:
Under a tree, i'm stormy weather, mar
ried this man and woman together; let
none but Him who rules the thunder sever
this man and woman asunder
Jonathan Swift,
Dean of st. Patrick's."
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

There is no accounting for tastes" re-
marked a diplomat, who held one of the
highest foreign positions under the Cleve-
land administration, and who has recently
returned to this country, according to the
Washington Star. During the four
years l was abroad I met many thousands
of Americans, some of whom have spent
thousands and thousands of dollars and
years and years of time travelling about in
all parts of the world. They give all sorts
of reasons for travelling, while some of
them say they have no particular rea-
sons, but simply travel because they like
to, and that once they get a taste of it,
they find difficulty in settling down in
their homes. Others told me that they
Travelled because taking it all in all they
found that they could remain abroad at
less expense than they could S ay at home;
and things and times abroad were so
much nicer, you know! 1t is simply a
matter of taste with many persons. They
have a steady income and prefer to spend
it in travel rather than in any other way
But of all of the reasons a Boston lady
gave me the Strangest. When / met her.
she had then finished up her sixth year
of steady travel, she had made three dis
tinct tours around the world and seen
about everything that could be seen. 1
ventured to ask her which of all the cities
she had visited she found most interest
ing. After considering the question a
while, she answered Rome. 1 asked her
WHY she preferred that to any other city,
supposing it might be for a religious rea-
SON. but soon found out that religion was
not her stronghold. 1 like Rome best,
she said. because they cook and serve
calf's brains so nicely. In no other place
in the world can one get calf's brains in
the various ways they cook them in
Rome &"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

Il wish you could send us a poker Ia
BILE" said a resident of a little town in
the North Louisiana overflow to visitor
whom he supposed to be in some way
connected with the distribution of gov
eminent rations to the flood sufferers, re-
lates the New Orleans Times-Democrat.
Here we are playing around this darned
old dry goods box, and I'm losing right
along; but IL could sit at table and get
my legs under 1t you ought TO see me
win"
What good would that do your
"Wen, 1 don't exactly know; I never
held out a card in all my life, and I'd
sooner go broke a thousand times than
raise a hand from under the table; but
somehow i can never hold good cards
when I've got to sit twisted around like
this with my knees rubbing up against
the side Of this blamed old box. You see
the long and the short of II Is were food
sufferers, and we're suffering for a poker
table Just you send II. and don't ask
offensive personal questions that might
reflect on a gentleman's play"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
BRIGHT BITS.

-Dawkins-"If you had all the money,
Bill you could possibly ever desire, what
would you do with it?" Kisam-"Do
with it? Why I'd invest it somewhere
where it would double itself. Boston
Transcript.
Its an outrage" said Leftover, "for
the government to appropriate $4,000 to
relieve Americans in Cuba, while there is
a whole army of patriots up here whom
Mckinley has not yet cared or."-Phil-
adelphia North American.
The Age of Philanthropy THE re-
form club is going to advise having peo-
pie bring up one another's children. O."
What's that for?" las a general rule,
they have more patience with other peo-
pies than they have with their own. -
Chicago Record.
Deacon Blodgett (meeting Farmer
Jones in market with load of .produce)-
"WeH, John, prices looking up Nome this
week, eh?" Farmer Jones (dryly)-"Look-
in up? l guess they be! CANT help il
very well, seem they're fiat on their
backN--Harpers Bazaar.
Excellent Scheme. -"Here's an account
Of Colorado girl who climbed to the tor
of Mount Popocatapetl and sang THE
Star-Spangled Banner "She had some
sense, didn't she? Its too bad some other
girls are not as thoughtful when they
want to sing. Chicago Evening Post
The Cow and the Summer Girl.-See
the cow run after the summer grill Is the
summer girl in danger? The summer cir
is not in danger. Is the COW in dangers
The cow is not in danger the COW is moi
much like a man and may run after a
summer girl in comparative safety
Detroit Journal.
"A Suspicious Reticency .-Burnbrae-
''Wha' is yon daft stranger wha is dan
derin sac un-unchancy-like about the
glen? jamie Soutar-"He's tellin' he's a
tourist; but weel 1 ken he's ma tourist
body" Burnbrae-" Hoo do We make him
out 4 lear?" Jamie Soutar-"Hoot, mon
He's neever aimee spieded if this was
Drumtochty or ma Puck.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
To Prospective Gold Seekers.

The gold fever seems to be spreading all
over the country. It has reached the east
and may come south. It IL stated that
a number OF New Workers viii depart for
the Klondike at the earliest opportunity
The tales which are being brought from
the new Eldorado are very attractive, and
are wen calculated to excite an impression
able mind. However our advice to those
persons in the south who may harbor an
idea of woo.ng fortune in the frozen north
is, DON'T
No gold diggings that we can recall have
ever been surrounded with a greater num-
Der of hardships and dangers. The great
alkali plains which separated the argo-
nauts of AZ from the object Of their search
were not more formidable than the barriers
between civilization and the Klondike gold;
besides, there was a way to go around the
plains. The Alaskan diggings are "a
thousand miles from anywhere" almost
within the Arctic circle. The cold is in
tense during the greater part of the year,
and all mining operations must be carried
on under the most adverse circumstances.
There is, Furthermore, a prospect that the
Canadian authorities viii shortly be en-
forcing their alien labor law, passed by
recent parliament in retaliation for our
alien labor law. thus increasing the
troubles of Americans who seek the gold
fields.
Where hundred will go to the dlggngs,
not ten will be heard from thereafter and
probably not one in the ten will have
struck it rich" In this game of gold,
there are always many more losers than
winners; and the losers are never heard
from. AS a contemporary puts it, about
one man in a thousand is fitted to be
pioneer" and possibly one out of a thou
sand pioneers wins success. The man
who sets out for the gold fields of Alaska
plays against fearful odds
There is no good reason why any man
should go away from this section of the
country to seek his fortune in the far,
frozen north. The man possessed of the
requisite qualifications to win success in
the gold fields can make a fortune in
Georgia without the risks which prospec-
tors and miners must take. There is u
oulCA AtAut II 4Ol ilNG4iAbNuL tALOlN u III the
soil of Georgia than there is in any gold
mine ever discovered, or that ever will be
discovered. Fruit raising, stock and cat
tie raising, trucking and farming, are not
so romantic as gold seeking, but when
they are given the same amount of atten-
ton and hard work that must be employ
ed in mining, they never fail in Georgia.
to yield profits. These lines of endeavor,
Georgia holds out to energetic persons.
There are a thousand and one. ways TO
make money, even to get rich, in this state,
and the native young man who neglects
these home opportunities to run off after
a pot of gold at the foot of an Alaskan
rainbow does himself and his state an in
justice.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

The MORNING NEWS is published
every day in the year. and is served TO
subscribers in the city, or sent by mail
at Sl.0O a month, $50 for six months, and
$500 for one year,
The MORNING NEWS by mail. six
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three months. 500; six months. $500; one
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The WEEKLY NEWS. 2 issues week
Monday and Thursday, by mail, one year
800.
Subscriptions payable in advance. Re
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Transient advertisements. other than
special column, local or reading notices
amusement and cheap or want column, 10
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Letters and kilograms should be ad-
dressed MORNING NEWS" Savannah,
Ca
EASTERN OFFICE, % Park Row. New
York City, c. 8. Faulkner. Manager.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
Funny without Knowing 1t.

Debate in the British House of Com
mons is ordinarily conducted in a low,
conversational tone, says the Youth s
Companion. Not long ago burly military
member, who was not accustomed to pub
lie speaking, delivered an excited harange
on the exile of the Guards to Gibraltar,
and nearly emptied the House by the vio-
lence of his shouting.
1t was like the breath of a roaring blast
furnace, and every word seemed to crackle
with explosive energy. Members in the
benches were at first amused by his I'M
necessary fervor, and finally wearied by
his noisy, ear-splittng defamation.
Drawing himself up to his full hight, and
speaking in tones which were fairly deaf
ening, he shouted:
IF 1 may be allowed to whisper in the
ear Of the government"
He was not allowed to go on. The mem
bers burst into a loud guffaw of laugh
ter, which drowned his voice and seriously
disconnected him. When 1t was perceived,
from his look of establishment, that he
was unconscious of the real cause of
amusement, they laughed again, even
more haughtily than they had laughed be-
fore.
Unconscious humor is not always ap-
preciated. When Herr Rickhert, not long
ago, turned contemptuously toward the
German ministers and cried out: 1--WE
hear nothing upon the ministerial benches,
nothing but profound silence" no member
moved a muscle, and nobody laughed; yet
whispering in thunder tones was scarcely
more ludicrous than hearing profound 81
4ence.
O'Connelrs most famous Irish bull was
delivered at public meeting in London,
and passed unnoticed until the speech was
in print. He asserted that the birth rate
in Dublin had diminished by 5000 a year
for four years, and added solemnly:
Il charge the British government with
the murder of those 10000 infants who were
never bornr'
Nothing could have been more absurd,
yet there was not a sign of appreciation
from the audience that the great orator
had been unconsciously funny.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

President Mckinley has vindicated him
self, the colored brother and the grand
old party. Some persons had charged
him with ingratitude, and a purpose to
give the colored brother "the marble
heart" as they say in political circles
They said he would cater to that alleged
new element in southern republican,
ism, and give the offices which might
have gone to the black men to white men
whose friendship he wished to cultivate
Editor T. Thomas Fortune, colored, only
the other day printed lengthy and quite
warm article, in which he roasted the adj
ministration for its lack of consideration
for the faithful black troops, which
fought nobly in the last campaign.
Now the President has proved to For
tune and the world that he has been mis-
judged; that he is the friend of the color
ed man. He has selected one of them for
office! He has chosen a negro barber for
the important and profitable position OF
internal revenue collector of Georgia.
Thus Rucker Is set upon a pedestal, to
be pointed to whenever anybody
shall have the temerity to suggest that
nothing has been done for the black man.
Why should the President have chosen
Georgia as the state in which to set up
his shining example of the party's love
for the black race? The President knows
that there IS In this state a strong feel
ing against the elevation of black men to
important offices. In some other states
in Ohio for instance-we have been led to
believe that this feeling does not exist so
strongly; would IL not therefore, have
been better for the President to give
black man big office in Ohio? OF course
neither the President, nor Senator Hanna,
nor Senator Foraker would object to haV-
ing a negro internal revenue collector in
Ohio. Probably there would not be any
objection to one In that office In Massa-
chusetts. But there Is In Georgia a SEN
tment against such things. However, pro-
tests would probably be useless. 1t Is
said the President is fully determined to
set up his example somewhere, and since
Georgia Is not Mckinley state, little
humiliation for her is probably deemed
70 be about the proper thing. It is to be
hoped. now that Rucker has been select
ed, that the probabilities Of negroes be-
ing put into big postofilces and port coll
lectorships have been diminished.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
wanted n thermometer.

A blcycnst named o'Brien OF San Fran
cisco went into store the other day. says
the New York Tribune. and said: Il
wanter buy thermometer"
The young man IN charge smiled. took
a cheap thermometer on the wall and sold
Il TO O'Brien for 81.
"Where do We put II on?" he asked.
Tho Joker tied Il to the crossbar and
OBrien pedaied on through the park
Hey. O'Brien," shouted a passing ac-
quantance. whats that you've got on
your machine?'
"a thermometer"
what for?"
ITO tell me when I'm scorchin'." and
O'Brien put on "A squirt and bumped his
back so that he could read the mercury
rise.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
INDEX TO NEW ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

Special Enthusiastically Notice, c.
S. Richmond and r. J. McDaniels.
Amusements-Black Patti (Ime sissi-
erretta jones', at Theater, Wednesday.
July 2S
Bicycles-Rambler Bicycles.
Money Saving Mems Furnishings-Leo-
pold Adler.
Bathing Suits For Alb. H. Levy &
Bro.
Any Article in the Clothing Line-Metro-
politan Clothing Company.
Crash. Crash, Crash-Falk Clothing
Company.
Grand Entertainment-B H. Levy &
Bro.
Observation-Disclosures Macon System Of
Endowed Colleges and Academies, Lynch
burg, Va. Notre Dame Of Maryland, Bal
timore Md; Edgeworth Boarding and
Day School, Baltimore Md.
The South End Hotel, Tybee Island
VIM. Bohan. Proprietor.
Seed Peas-T. ]. Davis.
Baking Powder-Royal Baking Powder
Root Beer-Hires Root Beer
Medical-Dr williams Pink Bills: Cuti-
cura Remedies; Hoods sarsaparilla;
Ayers sarsaparilla; Ponds Extract;
swifts Specific.
Cheap Column Advertisements Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent;
For Sale; Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

From the Philadelphia Record Dem).

Hitherto we have enjoyed the unique
privilege OF being the one nation OF the
world almost absolutely immune from for.
oigu attack But the statesmen who find
a conEenial occupation In the twisting OF
the British lions tail. IN tormenting the
fingers at the slant-cyed barbariaua Of
japan. VIII undoubtedly succeed Ia pro.
viding us with host OF foreign enemies.
and the day may come when We shall be-
obliged 90 become nation armed TO the
teeth. ana with fleets on both oceans. each
OF sufficient strength 90 fght three OF more
OF the powers of Asia ana Europe combln.
cd. Perhaps We might "lick an creation, 4"
but II would b a pretty tough Job
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

II has been given out that the Carnegie
company may sell Us armor plate plant.
and that Russia is a possible purchaser.
the inference being that that government
would remove IL 20 its own domain Tn.
appearance OF this information. following
so closely upon the refusal OF the Senate
TO pay more than 500 per ton for the
armor plate needed to build the battle.
ships az present contemplated looks like
an attempt at intimidation on tho part
OF the owners Of the Carnegie plant Up
20 date trusts have had an easy thing
Of it with The Senate. u remains. how.
ever, 10 be seen what influence this one
viii have.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

1t is exceedingly dangerous to omit for
mai official courtesies In China. Prince
Tsai failed to congratulate the princess
dowager Of the oriental empire and re-
fused to worship at the shrine OF his an
cestors, for all Of which heinous offeuses
he will be confined for life In dun
geon. Before beginning his confinement,
however, he will have his utle taken away
from him. then he will be- publicly whip
ped on his bare back until he screams
for mercy, after which he is 20 be shut
up between four walls and fed on a spare
diet until he repcnts. Just here enters
one Of the glories OF the Chinese plan OF
suffering a penalty by proxy. Advices do
not state. however, whether the prince
has secured a substitute 20 undergo this
barbarous penance.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
The Hon. emily" Mason on his Jokes

Billy Mason was introduced to Dlgby
Ben the other day In this city. says the
Chicago Tribune.
IL see BY the sprlnkiing OF silver IN
your hair" remarked the senator. that
YOU are older than I had supposed you
20 be. after seeing you behind the foot.
lights"
This doesn't signify age" said the
comedian, running his fingers through HE
gray locks. 1T simply shows how many
Of my jokes didn't go"
You're young. my friend" retorted nn-
b. 'if your theory we're correct my hair
would have been as white as snow long
ago.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

An anonymous letter writer says in the
London Daily Mail that England ought to
recufy her frontier line by annexlng
Maine New Hamps hire and Vermont. and
IN addition TO that she ought also 20 take
IN Alaska and the Sandwich Islands. Reed.
Dingley, Chandler a co. have so far pre-
served q pretty demure front. but the mere
suggestion Of such a thing Is enough TO
make Of them the most rabid jlngo.sts.
Being anonymous. however. the commu-
nieation can merit little attention.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

This is the season when actresses out
of job begin TO get in their advance
advertising lodges. one was recently Bit
ten by. snake while another came near
being drowned at one Of the fashionable
seaside resorts. Both events necessitated
double column pictures and extended ar
tieies in New York papers. stn yellow
journalism is waiting to hear from the
next who may be chased by the sea ser
pent or carried up IN the airship.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

From the sprIngae.d republican dnl


Was II the prestige Of the Senate for
which the senators were contesting in con-
ference with the House committee on the
tariff bill. or the good OF the country? It
would seem from Senator Aldrich's remark
that the Senate confrees had not come
away empty-handed. that the former was
at stake. while the country,-wen that
could take care Of itself.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

When the mortgage company which Is
trying to collect an $500 judgment from
Mrs. Mary e. Lease, after having levied
on her home. sent the sheriff to make an
other levy to satisfy 1t, he found she had
outwitted him, and with the exception Of
Mr. Lease there was nothing at the rent
ed house to levy on. The shrewdness Of
Mrs. Lease in dlsposing quietly Of her
property will no doubt prove an excellent
boom feature for her populisuc guberna-
torial candidacy.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

The people of Augusta will no doubt con-
graduate themselves now upon the chance
because of the appointment Of Rucker as
internal revenue collector for Georgia. The
opinion will no doubt be expressed that
this should be enough to appease the col
ored political appetite, at least in this Sec
fiOn
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

Following his editorial obituary of the
populist party, Thomas f. Watson now
says that Senator Marion Butler ought to
resign the national Craftsmanship in favor
of Washburn or Reed. What need IS there
of that. when according to his first an
nouncement, Butler must necessarily be
'functus officio?" 1t is difficult to see how
there can be a national chairman without
q party.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

Mrs. Lease recently called on Gov.
Lecdy, so the governor says. and asked
him to resign In her favor The governor
very CALAMITY told her that IN case she
could best cement and unite the oppose
ton 10 the republican party he would sup
port her cordially. To some OF his friends
he remarked. "she would make O good
dark" here he stammered. but finally
finished" horse candiate." There
was nothing the matter with the
governors figure Of speech except the
doubfulncss Of its applicability. what
Mrs Lease wants Is the unanimous nom
ination on the nrst ballot
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
Worse Than the MCKINLEY Bin.
From the Indianapolis Sentinel Qnd.)

The bill as it stands is more prohibitive
than the Mckinley law. and puts the
American consumer at the mercy of the
trusts and combines which now control
substantially every article on which a tar
IN duty is levied. Now pass the bill and
let the people enjoy the extortion for which
they voted.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

The Spanish premier, Senior Canovas del
Castillo, denies that there has been form
ed any alliance between Spain and Japan,
though he says the most cordial relations
exist between the two powers. 1t seems
more probable that that alliance was con-
cocted in the imaginations of certain
American LIMOGES.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24
with Half the Labor.
From Louisville cOurier-Journal Dem)

There IL a great deal OF gold In the Yu-
kon region and somebody is going TO get
II out. but the average man had better
stay away. II he is ambitious to tempt
fortune he can do 80 az home with as good
chances for success and with n great deal
more comfort not 20 speak OF safety. Hair
the labor and privatlons that mining de-
mands would yield certain and comfort
able return Ia the ordinary walks OF life
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-24

The reports Of the great gold discov-
cries In Alaska are said TO have been re-
sponsible for the recent decline IN the price
Of bar silver to the lowest point known
In two years 10 Will De noted. however.
that gold stlll holds lbs own. and thore
has been no abatement whatever In the
demand for It.