The times., 1897-03-28
Mickey's Version.
TELLS His FATHER ALL ABOUT ''APPENDYCU-
TUs'' AND OTHER NEW DISEASES.


father replied Mickey, in a tone Of in
jured innocence. Pm only telln' ye
what the schOolmaster told mei''
.'Did he tell ye that 1 had the dirty
dis ase2" said Mr.. Finn.
HE said that livery man had it. Now,
If yen sit down and be aisy, I'll tell ye
all about it
Mr.. Finn resumed his seat and an ex-
pectant attitude.
''Ye musht know, thin, it's all on ac-
count Of yer arteries, father resumed
Mickey. ''Ir yen put yer hand on yer
neck under yer ear yen find a pumpin
goin' on. That's yer heart pumpin yer
blood up through an artery to yer brain.
Well whin We breathe ye take Oxy-gin
inter yer blood, and oxy-gin is fun
o lime that ye're takin' out of the
quarry livery day. The doctors have
another name for the lime: they call it
calcareous salts. It's the stuff they
make clam-shelIs out OF. Tis not only
air that's full of this lime, but the salt
ye eat on yer potatoes is full Of it, and
wather is far loaded with it. Did ye
iver look at the bottom OF the kettle
whtn twas Imply, father? Yen see
tis white as il 'twere whitewashed.
Well. that's the way yer heart and yer
veins is. They're all coated with lime
shure. father. we've taken enough lime
Until yer body to make lime HAN a big
as yerself."
"Did the schoolmaster say there was
lime in beer" queried Mr.. Finn, anxiously
No replied Mickey, but he said there
was lime III rice, in potatoes, in cabbage,
in bread and beans and beef And if We
~-a'u no nat
much whitewashed inside that ven be
hard like the wall and be Ossyficated.' -
''Ifoly Iuurthert" exclaimed MIR Finn,
..wnat,n do for things to ate, Mickey
"YeIl have to ate nothin' but carbona-
cious food-that's charcoal Ye won't
like charcoal at first, father, bekase
it'I I'ave qUare taste in yer mouth aud
it'll hacEen yer teeth. But the doctors
say charcoal is good for maxim, hate in yer
body, and"
What the divyil do I want o hate in
me body and the hate o the season comm
on" growIed Mr.. Finn.
The next thing yen be atin'-if ye
want 10 be wan hundred years Old con-
tinued little Mike, not noticing the IN
terrUptiOn, lis mtrOganyOus preparations.
Things that has gas in thin ike inter,
u We IlIlG. 1HdL II hftPc SfA hIuAitFo thsANA
yer epigastrium in workin' order, bekase
if yer epigastrium fops, ye're bound for
tormint, and nayther prayers or wishes
won't save yer"
''BegOrra. ye have me crazy. Mickey, -
exclaimed Mr. Finn, wiping the sweat
from his forehead And what else have
! t o take?''
There's only wan thing more for ye to
be takiu', father, and that's fosfates.'
For Gods s1ke, what's thim2' ex-
cIairued Mr.. Finn in an agony OF appre-
hension us it worrUms. OF cstterpiIIdTs.
or snakes, they are?'
.'Arrah, no, father said Mickey. Eos
fates is dinky little things that yr tan q
see wilout y-glass, and ycl gitthimin
ould bones, pigs knuCkIes or mackeTel
| bones. or shad bones, or amy olld bones ye
might find in Tue yard. They EnoUrish yer
brain, father
And Will / have TO be attn thin things
livery day, Mickey
Faith, We will, father, il We want TO be
wan hundred years Ould. And besides all
have been tellin' ye, yen have TO boil
the wdtner ye drink.
Mr.. Finn was dazed by this time, but he
managed 10 mUrmur, For what?
To kill the microbes in it, If ye want
to cIane house and drive all the wnitewsish