The times., 1897-09-26
SQUAN CREEK FOLKS.

ehst soit-shelled crabg would be plenty
and go t1 tie top notch in prices, sort o
hoodoo fell upon our town. CLANS was
plenty and oysters and Holsters " as plenty.
but as fur sogt-Shen crabs we couIdn't
find en. They was plenty -nurr down at
Brisantine Shoals and Absecou and Barne-
got but they seemed TO hey deserted Sguan
creek. Prices bounded right up in the
Ne" York market, but we grabbed and
Grabbed and got nuthin' fur our labor.
Some laid il u this and some to that,
and finally Abper Green " a. teputized to
call on tie preacher and ask lis opinva..
Abner put ~ at him jest as il was.and
thu preaaher spoke right out straight from
the shoulder and sez:
Mebbe " never heard OF the towns
OF SEDAN and Gumorrer? They was povver-
fui lively towns, with bizness boomin' On
every corner, but they was five times as
wicked as New York, Chicago, and ST.
Louis rolled together. It finally got SO
that thar wasn't a good man in the town,
ana Providence Jest made Up It's mind 70
wipe EN- Off the face OF the airth-"
And IS Providence goin' to do that
same thing 20 sGuan Cregk2'' asks Abner,
as he feir a chill crecphl' up his back.
''She may be,'' sez the preacher. I'm
hopin' she Won't. but 1 think shall start
out next Monday and visit nv brother
al Red Bans rur two or three weeks
'Vhat's the Wickedness about Squan
Creek?'
In her lyin'. It has got 50 that every
body lies, even 70 the wIdder Jones. WIN
has bin bed-ridden fur ten Vars. You ar
T. ~ 1..f ~.
coop. Elder SP0oEel is lyin' about seem
a clam Lig as a wash tub. Moses
Hastings is lying about seein' a shark
forty seven feet and two inches long
LvcrS one OF YOU Is lyin' more or less, and
Providence ain't goin' 70 stand it much
longer"
When Providence is eoin' To destroy
town does she begin on sDft-sheIl Crabss''
asked tbne-, as BE gro,ved heavy-hearted.
-'sre mag or she may not" sez the
preacher Her ways ar mysterious
she WorA artar her OR-nfasafon- Shenfeht
hev begun on CLANS OF Holsters. Orit might
hev bia cholera OF waller fever. I amt
sayia' tuat Providence has anythin to DO
with IT,, bat ] think III 90 off on a visit
Jest the same
Cant we stop the thing SUM waye'
-'Mebbe we kin and mebbe its too
late I'm willin' To Lelp ye try. The
fust thing to be done is fur YOU TO cit
81 the >rowd down At the W harf TO stop
Ism. That whar it's rot To begin. Then
TFe'n hobs speshul sarvices IN the church
and nope TO stay the destruckshun OF Squan
Greek,
Ablcr Green was q skeered man when
he started back far the wharf and he was
very much in aiTnest in his desire 10 save
the town. The BOYS was waitin' fur aim,
and he stands up in themidst Of the crowd
and seq.
Its Providence what has d-rted all
the soft-s!Jcll crabs down the shore, aud
it's Providence what is going to destroy
squan Greek, If sUnthin' amt done right
off,
WHAT'S 70 be donee asks a dozen men
20 once.
We've all cot to stop Iyin' as afust move.
aiD't no boastIn' man. as you all know,
bat when say I'm the biggest TIariu squan
Greek / think YOU Il all agEee over IL. tn
cum monStrous hard fur ne 10 stop lyin',
and I'd druther put a mortgage on my
house than 10 do il, but fur the sake os
sIvin' the town I'll sign a paper 10 ten
Huthin' but the truth fur the next six
months. The next biggest liar in teFy
is Moses Hopsou. and Ia Iketo hear fr,n
him.
81. Jackson, Phineas Perkins, henry
TalyOE, and AbsoIom Tompkins, all boss
liars, spoke arter tine same fashion. and
1t seemed as il the hun crowd was goin'
20 sign pledge, when Jason Adams get up
and SCI
4 amt bin counted among the Ieadin'
liars of Sduau Creek, bm I'm worEin'
up 60 it and heviu' a heap O. fun. II tia
rest Of 80 want 20 sign OFF ye kin do it,
I won't I'm go.n' to keep right on
lyin'''
Thae split the crowd some was fur
the parson. and sum was fur Jason. and
we didn't know which way to turn when
Jason SPEAKS up again and sez:
II was down on the bay this m0rnin'
to fish Gp an anchor lost last Monday.
v hen I got holU II it I tugged and
tugged anG almost broke my back, but
it wouldn't Cum up Three men cum off
TO me from the Liza Jane 10 help, and
when We finally Tiz that anchor what a SO
suppose we found An oyster had opened
his shell ard took It in and was hanein'
on to q rock with his hind legs he was
too powerful big TO git him into nv boat,
and the Liza lane had To rig up d tackle
TO hist him on deck. 1 wanted 10 bring
him up to show the crowd, but the eaptfng
ofthe schooner was in a hurry TO git down
60 Philadelphia, and so I takes the $50
he offers me and sails fur home"
Jason 4 Gaas, that's a uonstrous
1iel" SAYS ABner Green.
4 know IT, says Jason, but I'm tryin'
| an experiment on Providence and soft
shell crabs I've lied, and now I'm goin'
out crahbin'.'
And We fnllered him out, and it wasn't
ten iainits before We struck soft-sheIIs
in sich plenty that we Jest loaded up with
EN-. n three DAYS the New York market
| went down so per cent. and crabs was
Iyin around as no Twin man had ever
! seen 'era before. Down at AbSecOm and
! Blrnccat, whar' thar ar no liars, they
couldn't kepch a crab, but the fish in
sauan Bay was crowded ashore by EN-
Abner Green goes over 10 the parson and
sez:
- Pears % me that You didn't figger Jest
right on Providence. Instead Of Iyin' too
much We wasn't 1yin' haif-'nuff."
''AT' re gIttin' soft-Shells?- asks the
| parSon, VIII hs dn't heard the news.
Millions Of EN-
"And everybody is still lyin'?''
"As the neyer did before. I've bin
a-payin' S10 a year fur the rent OF a pew
to help " along, but I've cum to say that
the decker is off,
And ever since then there's heen crabs
a-plenUY All around Squan Greek.
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