The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-01-21
GEMS OF QUICK WIT.
HAPPY ANSWERS WORTHY OF A
PLACE IN LITERATURE.
Old Witticisms Which Are as Good Today
n When They Were First Put Forth.
Law Courts and Prisoners Furnish =
Goodly Share.

Law Courts and Prisoners Furnish .
Goodly Share.
Mr. Samuel Weller's memorable evil
dence at certain breach Of promise
trial is probably a record" for the
greatest number of happy answers in the
shortest time but there are authenti-
Gated instances of actual utterances
which certainly rival them in brilliance
and appropriateness. The law courts, az
may be imagined, furnish their full
quota, but many are perforce, unappre-
ciable by those unacquainted with the
technicalities or the Target" of the TO-
rum Still. Lambs chatting description
Of friend maiden brief as the first
great cause least understood" is in
comprehensive enough, as is the quiet,
acquiescent "That is so, my lord, OF
the barrister TO whom an irate judge
had just observed, II can't give you
brains, Mr. So-and-so" 81, myself,
have two small manors, my lord, " said |
very i'll bred, pompous counsel, TO IL
lustrate question of property law. |
|
served the Judge with suave courtesy, !
and smile OF delight ran round the
assembled bar. Look at me, sir, and
attend TO what shall ask you" thun-
dered learned counsel whose unfortu-
nate "homeliness' of feature had gain
ed him the sobriquet of the Yelled
Prophet. "This is an English court, "
rejoined the witness quietly, "and you
have no right TO impose torture before
putting the question.
Prisoners, too have fair proportion
81 "happy answers" credited TO them.
Of these perhaps the best known are
that Of a man who, when asked If he
pleaded guilty or not guilty, replied
that he couldn't say till he had heard
the evidence, and the naive response or
the prisoner to the usual question before
the sentence, "Have you anything to
say, prisoner, before sentence is pro-
nounced upon your" cts very kind OF
your honor, and if it's quite agreeable
to the court should like to say Good
evening" On one occasion counsel IN
r certain drainage case submitted that
. the plaintiffs, the Sewage Localization
4 court. " Heaven forbidp' was the fer
: vent ejaculation Of the learned judge
{ Something akin to this was the answer
7 of the Judge when complaint was made
n that luckless process server had been
: compelled to swallow the writ he had
: endeavored to serve. II hope" said his
d lordship gravely, "that the writ was
l. not made returnable in this court. "
g The "happy answers" owing their
poirt to Biblical or ecclesiastical allu.
sions, are still more numerous, but II
many cases are somewhat too audaciou'
>. for print. HE is regular ST. Paul
was the final eulogy made by an enthu
h siastic friend Of certain needy clergy
a man whose chronic impecuniosity hat
q brought him into painfully frequent ia
! miliarity with the various processes
:. the law for the recovery of debts
70 YES" said the bishop, whose assist
20 a.lce was being solicited, quite SO.
: see-'in prisons off," The pardonabl
81 but injudicious enthusiasm of some clel
~ gymen over their musical services ha
: given rise to many smart sayings, whic
ar are, at any rate, "ben trovato. None
g perhaps, is better than the familiar on
re of the exasperated visitor who, after bt
.ir ing made to listen in torment to Gr'
gorian chants cruelty murdered, We
10 told that according to tradition thoS
-, chants owed their origin to King Davl
NO himself. The visitor, rendered rockies
od by his misery, rCtortod that he had o.
bo ten wondered why Saul threw that Ja'
&c elm at the royal psalmist, but he quit
understood it now.
ON A careworn divine is reported to hay
-es said in reply to the ecstatic declaratlc
ON Of an intending Benedict that "nothli
e. in the world beats good wife, F." go
~ YES. a bad husband often does, and
4, tvice yersar" One would like TO ha'
known the schoolgirl who, i'll reply
nd her brothers jcers and inquiry, wi
q girls should be always kissing each OF
.or er and men not?' said that, Of cours
~. it was because girls had nothing bett
- TO kiss and men had--but perhaps 81
,;s. studied the question too deeply and q
veloped into the fair cynic who after
season or two Of conquests, gave IL
her oDinion that men were Like colo
rs very easy to catch and very hard to Z
the rid Of. Few better things are record
or. than the answer of Beaconsticld to {
il question how he felt after the chan
the from the stormy scenes of the comma
me TO the serene atmosphere of the lore
the "Feelp' answered the statesman.
zen feel as though 1 were dead alii buried
| it and then, noticing for the first tn
if that his questionor was per, he ac
re- ed. with charming smile and b.
the land among the blessed spirits OF I
lew great and good. !" This adroit recove
ing from an unfortunate slip recalls the
rip, miliar story Of the prince regent
18th the officer of marines. I'm those bra
,mc old days Of free drinking the empty b
ties which gathered apace were styI
"marines, =" for what reason it is hs
to say. The prince called to a servi
fu- and babe him "clear away those u
Why rines. An officer of that distinguish
corps who was present resented the
ack nc bo;pu-fo adOpt the mira