Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1897-02-25
HIS FLYING CAT.
BIZ W. L ALDEN.

"SpaIrows," said the colonel. may b
very upright, respectable, middle-clas
birds so long as they stay in England
but when they emigrate to America
they are no better than the average O
our working classes. Some meadlinG
idiot brought lot of sparrows to th'
states some ten or fifteen years ago, eH
pecting they wouldkill all the worms OF
the fruit trees. They hadn't been in the
country six months when they took thu
ground that they were as good as the
best of our swell birds, and that they
considered that killing worms was {
degrading kind of labor fit only fol
blackbirds and crows. So they took
10 living on wheat, and strawberries
md cherries, and they multiplied 81
fast that they are the worst curse thar
the farmer and the fruit grower evel
had
Prof. Van Wagner and L were dis
cussing the sparrow question one day
andIwas complaining the inefliciency
of the American cat. Our cats are about
as wide-awake and as monarchial cats
as you can produce, but they can't
catch single sparrow. I've known
ambitious cats who set out to catch
sparrows, and who wasted away to
mere skeletons, and died of weakness
through watching for sparrows from
dawn to darkness, and never once get
ting within ten feet of one. As gen,
eral rule l don't have much sympathy
for cats, but the insulting language
that sparrows use when they see II cat
laying for them, and the aggravnting
way in which they will fly just over the
cats head, or maybe hit the cat over the
tail with their wings, is more than any
cat can be expected to bear.
"'The trouble is, said Van Wagner
that the cat isn't n flying animal and
the sparrow is. The sparrow's native
element is the air, and you cant expect
a cat to catch a sparrow so long MS the
cat can't fly
"'That's true said 1, but 1t don't
helpus out of difficulty. Cat'swcren't
made with wings, and neither you nor l
can invent new model Of cat that will
be able to fly, and to catch sparrows on
the wing
"'Don't be too sure of that said the
professor. Science has improved
everything that it has put it's hand to,
and 1 see no reason why science
shouldn't improve cats. A flying cat
would supply a great public want, for
she would kill off the sparrows us easily
as she kills off the mice, I've half a
mind to try the experiment of inventing
a flying cat
"All right said 1. When you get
your flying cat finished Just notify me,
and I'll come and see her fly. Then, If
you are going in for improving animals,
perhaps you will invent cat that can
sing like O. nightingale. The present
style of singing among cats is disgrace
full. They haven't any more idea OF
music than Chinaman.'
"Well, the professor buckled down to
business, and from his daily interviews
with his private cat, and the consequent
scratches that diversified his good old
scientific countenance, judged that he
was doing his best to make cat that
would fly. Before the six weeks were
up he sent me a note inviting ME to
come round to his house at two o'clock
the next afternoon to see the first sue
cessful flying cat that had ever been in
vented T needn't say that went. I
had assisted at the birth of dozens Of
Van Wagener's inventions, and I had
generally found that the presence of
man with experience in the treatment
of accidents was handy thing so far
as the professor was concerned.
"'You know, colonel said he, my
method as an inventor. I ask myself
what is needed in some particular pur-
pose, and then I proceed to supply that
need. Most people think that Nh in
ventor has ideas come to him all of
sudden, in a supernatural sort of way;
but that is all nonsense. Inventing is
business, like any other, and any intel
figeDt man can learn 1t. Now, when
saw that the reason why cats don't
catch sparrows is that they can't fly
after the bird, saw what was wanted
was flying cat, and I proceeded to in
vent one. Here ! have a small balloon.
This fix to that cat of mine, and when
1t is inflated it will just support tho
weight of the cat in the air. Then you
see this pair Of paddle-wheels. They
are to be fixed one on each side of the
cat, and are to be driven by small cleo
trical engine. The balloon floats the cat
and the paddlc-wheels propel her. In
order to steer the cat fix fiat piece OF
tin to the extremity of her tail. When
she sees n sparrow her instinct will
make her swish her tail from one side
to the other, and her attention being
fastened on catching the bird, she will
unconsciously work her tail in such
way as to steer her directly towards it,
"It wasn't an easy job to rig up Van
Wagener's cat. She kicked and sworr
her level best, and got in several good
scratches on the professors hands.
However, he stucl; to his task, and after
awhile the cat was ready, and we i'd
iourned to the backyard. There was
whole gang of sparrows in the middle
of the yard, forming a sort of ringround
two that were fighting, and from the
way in which every sparrow was talk