Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1897-01-07
RATHER CANDID TALK.
All imaginary Conversation That
knocks out the Conventional In
sinceritieS


at a period when the conventional in
sincerities of social intercourse shall
have been cast aside and the truth and
nothing but the truth be candidly and
unabashedly spoken. Scene: In the
drawing-room of the visited one; an
unwelcome visitor is announced)
The Visitor-Hov do you do? l
don't in the least care how you are,
but 1 suppose l must make use of the
customary shibboEeth.
The Visited am sorry indeed to
see you. 1t would be a perfect mock
cry to hope you are we'll. for in my
! life [ never saw any one look quite
so seedy as you do at this moment
Your complexion is the color of a
| mango, while the lines round your
eyes put me in mind of Chaplain
Junction. And so absurdly over
| dressed! Where did you buy that
polychromatic edifice that crowns your
latest wig? Blue, green, pink, orange
and with that skim You look like
a practical joke"
The VISITOR really had hoped to-
day to find you not at home, other
| wise / should never have been so
foolish as to call. l thought you al
ways went to the Saturday Pops.
| What could have induced you to re-
main indoors? But it's just like my
! luck.
The Visited have a slight cold. so
sent my stall to Lady Hauterive. | am
perfectly aware you are dying to
know her, but can't, and that is why
l mention her name.
The Visitor-HOw provoking And
here, suppose, l must stick for the
next quarter of an hour.
The Visited-Had l anticipated the
infection of visit from you | should
have made a point of going out.
The VISITOR never come into your
! draWing-room without being impressed
! by sense of your pitiable ignorance
and want of taste. You have con-
triVed to crowd together in this tiny
room such quantity of pacotille of
every description that l always fancy
I'm sitting in the midst of a rummage
sale. You haven't got one really good
piece of china in your whole collec-
ton. Your antique furniture is all
modern and the only lot that looks
genuinely old is-yourself.
The Visited know that you con-
slider yourself an authority ON brio
a-brac, and you have certainly con-
verified your house into a veritable mu-
scum of curiosities. That, of course,
is easy enough when you can afford to
bid for your things at Christies. |
can't. My husband is not rich spec
ulator, like yours only a poor clerk
in the foreign office, so [ am obliged
to pick up my odds and ends cheap,
and [ dare say l am very often taken
in. After all, [ don't see how it ben
efits you to possess all the artistic
treasures you do, when you can't get
the right people to come and admire
them.
The Visitor-You always try to make
me feel uncomfortable with your airs
Of social superiority, but | must sit
it out, | suppose, now I'm in for it.
The Visited-Why you ever come to
see me [ cannot imagine, considering
that I so seldom go near you.
The VISITOR am thinking of writ
ing and asking you to dinner. You
would be sure to make yourself dis
agreeable, but I should get a sort OF
reflected fashion from your presence
and your name sounds well. I sup
IrroI1lSr1It
fused me six times running.
The Visited-And shall do so again
1 dined with you once-that was quite
sufficient. | don't mind coming tc
your concerts, for there I can hear the
best singers for nothing and am not
obliged to speak to anyone.
The Visitor-But I've lately moved
into one of the largest houses in one
Of the best squares; I've powdered
my footmen, and my chef is first-rate
The Visited-Which is more than
your friends are. 1 positively decline
to meet them. Whats the good of g
chef to you? Nobody worth knowing
ever dimes with you; your sauces,
consider, are absolutely thrown away
It's not your fault, | must admit. You
have tried to cook yourself into society
and signally failed. You're not quite
rich enough-it wants thousands a
year to do it nowadays.
The Visitor-Your impertinence is
really impayable q speak French per
fectly, while you hardly know one
word that is why | interlard my con-
versation with it in order to prove my
educational advantages over yours.)
How truly unfortunate l was to find
you at home I merely wanted to poke
! in card in order to show my new
coachman-who lived with the Pata-
gonian minister-that my visiting list
is not exclusively confined to stock
brokers and artists.
The Visited-Shall I give you an
other cup Of tea?
The Visitor-On no account; 1 never
tasted such nasty wash in my life.
It has made me feel perfectly i'll.
Cheap, I suppose?
The Visited-Very, but quite good
enough for visitors like you. When
I am alone, or with one or two in
innate friends, drink much better
tea. I shall have some of it made di-
rectly I get rid of you.
The Visitor-Now, what on earth am
I to say to you next? The only topic
we have in common is music, but
musical people are proverbially lacking