The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

AT LAST SHE TOOK AN OVERDOSE OF SHEEP
SHEARS N MONKEY WRENCHEs.
a m 1t is very remarkable in how
few cases the needles were the cause of
death and how slight an interference
with function their presence and move
ment cause"
1t would SEEM, from the cases on rec
ord, that needles in the system rather
assist in the digestion and promote
longevity.
For instance, we will suppose that
the hysterical girl above alluded to,
with 495 needles in her stomach, should
absorb the midsummer cucumber. Think
how interesting those needles would
make it for the great collie promoter!
We can imagine the cheerful smile
OF the cucumber as it enters the stom-
ach, and, bowling cheerfully to the fol-
licles standing around, hangs it's hat
upon the walls of the stomach, stands
its umbrella in a corner and proceeds to
get in its work.
All at once the cucumber looks sur
prised and grieved about something. 1t
stops III it's heaven born colo generation
and pulls a rusty needle out of it's per-
son. Maddened by the pain, it once
more attacks the digestive apparatus
and once more accumulates a choice job
lot of needles.
Again and again it enters into the
unequal contest, each time losing
ground and gaining ground, till the
poor cucumber, with assorted hardware
sticking out in all directions, like the
hair on a cats tail, at last curls up like
a caterpillar and yields up the victory.
Still this needle business will be ex-
pensive to husbands if wives once &C
quire the habit and allow it to obtain
the mastery over them.
If a wife once permits this demon ap-
petite for cambria needles to get control
OF the house, it will soon secure O ma
jorlty in the senate, and then there will
be trouble.
The woman who once begins to tam
per with cambria needles is not safe.
She may think that she has power to
control her appetite, but it is only a
step to the ~maddening thirst for the
soul destroying darning needle and per-
haps to the button hook and carpet
stretcher.
1t is safer and better to crush the first
desire for needles than, when it is too
late, to undertake reformation from the
AFFECT slavery to this hellish thirst.
We once knew a sweet young crea-
ture, with dewy eye and breath like
timothy hay. Her merry laugh rippled
out upon the summer air like the joyful
music of baldheaded bobolinks.
Everybody loved her, and she loved
everybody, too. but in a thoughtless
moment she swallowed a cambria needle.
This did not satisfy her. The cruel
thraldom had begun. Whenever she felt
depressed and gloomy, there was moth
ing that would kill her ennui and mel
ancholy but the fatal needle cushion.
From this she rapidly became more
reckless, till there was hardly an hour
that she was not under the influence of
needles.
If she couldn't get needles to assuage
her mad thirst, she would take hairpins
or doorkeys. She gradually pinned away
to a mere skeleton. She could no longer
sit on one foot and be happy.
Life for her was filed with opaque
gloom and sadness. At last she took an
overdose of sheep shears and monkey
wrenches n day, and on the following
morning her soul had lit out for the
land of eternal summer.
We should learn from this to shun
the m~addening needle cushion as we
would a viper and never tell a lie
Bill Nye.