Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-03-13
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sAWatts-what was the longest prize
hgnt on yscord? Potts-vpcal or man.
neutrality-suspicious.
"Madge Is such a peculiar girl"
How 500" "She thinks she hasn't any
H ncc....- -...c: Chicago Record.
T'seribbler-Does your wife laugh at
your Jokes Ia the paper? Punster--Yes,
but only on payday.-Commercial Ad.
vertiser.
lie was reckless youth. "Tlow old
are you!" he asked boldly. "S'r." she
:aid, II All not old:"--New York Even.
Ing Journal.
Editor TO comic paragraphisD-Your
jokes lack originality. Comic para.
graphist drrltably)-So does your crlti.
cism.-Tid.Bits.
"Doss your wife call you as many pet
Names as she did when you were first
married. "Er-not as many pet ones"
Indianapolis Journal.
Smith--.Iones seems TO have no
thought for anything except his clothes.
Brown-ics: he Is perfectly wrapped
up la them.-Ya!e Record.
When woman Is on her wedding
trip she thinks her husband has quit
loving her rs soon as he gets Interested
In a bill OF farc.-New York Press.
They say you have 10 sympathy for
the struggling poor" "Aiey said the
accused gentleman. II have nothing
but sympathy."-Clncinnati Enquirer.
Were you at the play last nightY"
"feS" How was itT' "Out OF sight"
"Confound the women. why don't they
stop wearing those high hatsY'-Chi.
cago T!mes.Herald.
I'D rather be most any man
In Listory's class or flames bright bands
Than Atlns. for he always had
a world of trouble on his hands.
Cincinnati Tribune.
Van Duder-I want to know some.
thing. Miss Amy. ANY, have thought
for years, Mr.. Van Duder. that that
was just what you wanted.-Harlem
Life.
"Mrs. Bigsby lets her husband prnc.
tice on his cornct ut home" whats
that for!" ut gives her an excuse to
be away all the tlmc."-Chicago Rec.
ord.
''Is he scientific fighters" "Scien.
tihcY echoed the pugilist contemptu.
Ously. why. he couldn't parse single
sentence Of his misunderstanding.
ton Star.
Il know where you can get an eight.
day clock for 20 cents" IAN eight.day
clock! How's that:" "Oh. II lasts eight
days. Then you get a new onc."-Ilar.
ward Lanipoon.
dorothy Is much encouraged abou,
her literary ambitions" "Why? Has
she sold apythlng!" mo; but her hand.
writing Is getting worse and worse
Chicago Record.
Each day his roses as surprises
Come. II he knew, the stupid thing,
That In two months at present prices
He'd save enough to buy ring!
Life.
COntributor-What surly sort OF
chap that fellow who writes your Jokes
IL. Editor (sadly)-Yes. he IL: and from
what lie sends me I'm afraid he's been
out OF humor for long while.-An.
swcrs.
Fuddy-There's Tumble over oppO.
site. He prides himself upon the good
things he gets of In conversation. bud
dy-ShOuld think he would; they Occur
20 seldom. you knOw.-B0ston Tran
script.
Little Borcham CREATING his Alpine
adventures)-There stood. the terribl,
abyss yawning at my feet. That Brut,
Brown-Was II yawning when you 60
there. or did II start after you arrived
New York Evening Journal.
Young wife-I always thought 20,
were the bravcst man In tho w0rlt
while we were counting. You wouldn'
20 to Canada In case OF another war
would you. dear? mot II the war wa
with da."-Detroit FREQ Press.
Hattie--What's the matter with Gus
tavus? He never calls any more. Hor
tcnse-Why. one night when he was a
the house called him 1.-THE ligh
OF my llfe," and papa came In and salt
1t was about time the light was put Oui
--Yonkers Statesman.
HumoriSts Wife--YOu must not trou
BILE your papa just now, dear; In hi
present mood he Is not to be trlAe,
with. Humorlst's Child-What Ii b
doing, ma? Humorists Wife-He
writing things to make people laugh
lid Bits.
Family Doctor-Well, let me congra'
ulate you. Patient very eXcltedly)-
Am going TO recover? Doctor-No
not exactly, but-well, after long con
sultatIon we find that your disease
entirely new, and II the autopsy shoul,
prove the fact we have decided to nam
IL after you.-Tld Bits.
Dennis-Arrah, Pat, and so yez hav
come back to shtay? Why didn't ye
loike It out West In that place wler
yez had such good Job? Pat-Och
i,,s no place fer Christian mon. Den
mis-. There Amt llv!n' soul about tn
MACE that hasn't died wild the malay
rium.--Cleyeland Leader.
Visitor tgruffiy)-Are you the editor
Editor without looking up from h!
work)-I am. Stranger (more grufiiy)-
Do you hold yourself responsible 70
everything appearing In the paper
Editor (rlslng to his six feet three inch
es,-I do. What's on your mind? Wis
itor (meekly)-Oh, nothing at ALL as
sure you. was under the impression
that the little man over In the corne
took all the espOnsibllity.-Spare Nc