The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1897-12-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

has been known to fly out of the win
dow
All lovers are alike, and that is why
they correspond. Orleans Plea.
yuue.
Another man has taken poison by
jumping into the Chicago river. Chi.
cago Record
She-"Do you see any beauty in
thes big sleeves" He-"Yes; you"
-Roxbury Gazette.
Flat One-''When do you think
your boy will turn up?" Flat Two
LAS soon as L find him. Truth.
She-"Has your friend Weddman
arrived at the age of discretion yet?"
Helm afraid not; he's just mar
ried his third wife"
Overwhelmingly, I'm maxim
collection NV buttons" Mrs. Haybaie
well, you kin do as you wish, but
l hain't goin' to sew no more on. -
Texas Siftings
First Klondike Miner-"What are
YOU thinking of, Bill?" Second Klon-
dixie Miner-"Why, [ was thinking L
never knew what cold cash meant
before. Judge.
Miss Browning-"Why do you per.
sist in being so naughty" Browning
Beans-''You don't want me to die, do
you, auntie; you know the good die
young?' The Yellow Book
Reuben Railfence-'H ow's yer new
hired man; purity rapid" Henry Hoe
corn-''Rnpidl That Teller couldn't
get up by sunrise if we didn't keep the
clock over an hour slow. -Tammany
Times
Say, Jakey, gimme bite o your
peach. " Nav, / won't" "Well,
gimme de stone" well, I'll give you
de stone. But it's mighty lucky for
you dat de peach amt pear -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Western Cousin-'I am glad you
ride bicycle Have you ever done
century," Boston Girl-"Oh, no.
Several times, however, have ridden
what suppose you would call de-
cade. Chicago Tribune.
Bridget, how did it happen that
when we came in last night after the
theatre there was policeman in the
kitchen?' Sure, mum, Oh don't
know; but Oh think TIE theatre didn't
last as long as usual Chicago
Times Herald
The Colorado legislature has passed
law permitting women to join the
militia" remarked Mr.. Snaggs. CT
didn't know that legislative enact
ment was necessary before women
could fight, replied Mr.. Henpeck.
PittsbHfg News.
"a man, said the lecturer, ''can
live without water for a week, wfshout
sleep for ten days, aud without air for
five minutes" "There amt no par
ticular limit 10 the time he can live with
out work, is there?" anxiously asked
Mr.. Dismal Dawson.
Perkins, your wife seems very de-
voted to her howers?" Devoted
Well, sir; many an October night that
woman has dragged the blankets off
my bed TO keep those weakened little
geraniums from getting rost-bitten."
Detroit Free Press.
''What has become of Wagton?"
asked the returned native. "He was
one of the shining lights of society
when / was here. HE has lost his
money" said the resident, "and in
stead of being shi ming light, he is
what might be called flying Light
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Abner," said the good wife, ct
wish you would stop at the store and
git me a rubber ring for the baby to
cut his teeth on" "Sposen you give
him that there gold brick in the cup
board?' said the farmer with grim
smile. cit worked all right with me. "
indianapolis journal
English Tourist lin the far North,
miles from anywhere) do you mean
90 say that you aud your family live
here all the winter? Why, what do
you do when any Of you are i'll? You
can never get doctor" Scotch
Shepherd Nae. sir, we've just TO
dee natural death Punch
''Tell me, doctor, asked the ambi-
tious young disciple Of Galen, eager
ly, "what was the most dangerous
case You ever had?" 'In confidence
now that I am about TO retire from
practice" answered the veteran physi-
ciau, frankly, 81 will confess that it
was my medicine case. Puck.
cone time" said the travelled
boarder, 81 got showed in on the
Rocky Mountains, and the only thing
seven Of us had for two days 70 sus-
tain life was a half-barrel Of picked
pigs feet you were, indeed, " said
the Cheerful idiot, reduced TO ex-
tremities indianapolis Journal.
In some parts Of Devonshire the
people live TO be very old. An old
man of ninety, living quite distance
from the nearest town, requiring some
| family groceries, sent his son, man
of seventy-odd years Of age When
the son failed to show up with the pro-
visions in time, his grandfather, cen
tenarian of l0S, said peevishly, That's
what comes from sending q kid. -
Il MA