davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1897-03-06

ye're gcfn' ter take II hard. an hate ter
break the news ter ye- hope ven brace
yer nerves all ye Kin. fur there's q disap-
prntment In store fur ye."
''Oh. I dunno" was the increlulous re-
sponse. You amt no fortune teller
This amt no ragic." he responded. i'm
pressiveiy. Il didn't hev ter cross no.
body's palm weth silver an git EN- ter
jostle the cards an, tell me this. Ye know
that changeable silk dress ye had made
over frr this occasion,''
''Of course An a mighty neat ,ob II
was"
--Ye wasted yer time. Dye call ter mind
how you an me had Elhu Geehaw bring
over his accordion SOS We could practice
UP on schottisches an the Virginia reel
Yes. An We got 'em down fine"
I'D have done better ter spend the time
putin lew hinges on the corn crib Std
dy yerself fur the shock. Mandy: We can't
go ter the 'noggeration ball
Josiar." inquired his wife. calmly:
ART thur goin' ter be no ball.
Course they're goin' ter have IL. I
didn't say nothin' about that"
"Ye said 1 wasn't goin'. which amounts
ter the same thing"
Il don't say ye amt goin' ter hev yer
own way in the end. But when the solemn
Jacks Is presented to yer mind | reckon
ye won't be so brash. Kpowln' whut I
know, eff We st,ll wanter go. IN wash my
ndIuS OF tne null business. Mandy. KIN
you stand on yer right foot an hold onto
the toe of yer left slipper. wearin' mean
while a thoughtless an engagin' smile
Josiar, ef you don't stop that I'll holler
fur the hotel clerk
Yer Indignation shows thet We don't
know nothin' bout dancin' ez a modern
| accomplishment. You'd go there weth yer
| scfottische an Virginia reels an jes' he
| laughed at. Do you s'pose ye could per
suade yerself ter cut of tibet changeable
| silk dress at the knees an ASSUME a keer-
less attitude of keerless grace whites ya
| tlowed rings of cigarette smoke around the
| neck of a champagne bottley'
| Mrs Corntossel made dash for the
| bell button, but her husband caught her
| by the arm and gently restrained her.
| There amt no casion ter git indignant"
| he said I'm Jes' givin' ye fair warnin'.
| L was anxious fur ye ter be right In the
| swim. but 1 stopped at the news stand an
! got this here fashion paper. SOS ye'd kno "
| 1es what's what. The picters L saw inter
| IL was enough ter daze anybody. I don {
| like ter see anybody hang back from
| whuts customary an at the same time /
| can't help gittin' kind o. worked up over
| what the neighbors I'D think ef they
| kLoN ed about IL. OF course | don't take
| no exceptions ter nothin' l don't know
| anythin' about. But 1t seems ter me thet
| the best thing fur ter to do il ter git
| some of the hotel stationery an send our
| regrets ter Major an Mrs. Mckinley. Then
| I'll go out an trade Off these admission
| cards ter the ball fur a couple OF meal
| tickets an we'll jes' linger around an see
| the sights"
Evening star., 1897-03-06
MODERN DRUG STORES,
The List Of Things Sold Grows Larxcs
Every Year.

The List Of Things Sold Grows Larxcs
Every Year.
From the New York Tribune
The name drug store or pharmacy"
entirely fails at present to give any ade-
quate idea OF the establishment thus des-
ignated. A drug store. besides being as
its title would indicate. a place where enc
may buy drugs. is also place where one
may buy SO many things that i'm its general
utility functions II resembles the old-fash-
ioned country store. Soap. perfumery,
brushes stationery, candy. cigars and So
da water have long he'd their places he
side the rows of bottles which, with their
unpleasant but necessary contents. ware
doubtless once regarded as the only lecit-
innate drug store stock. Later came the
post office supplies. and since th-y were
introduced the drug clerks have been kept
busy selling 2-cent stamps and Dos; al
cards. the rate of profit on which. it may
be assumed, will never greatly enrich the
proprietors. Ii is true that in some In
stances the drug store is made regular
branch post Office, in which case monthly
salary is paid to the owner. But this is 50
small that many druggists prefer io ID.
tirely independent. and TO keep the supplies
only to oblige their customers.
The use of the directory Is another con-
venience offered gratis TO the pubic. and
IL is one which involves more wear ana
| tear on the store property in the course of
| year than would be readily imagined.
| The telephone pay station is the last in
PRODUCTION of all to swell the drug stores s
list OF conNeniences- 1t is in connection
| with this that one uptown pharmacy in
| this city has begun a messenger service
which is unique, and which. ii il should
become widespread. might be a rival
worthy the consideration of the American
/ District Telegraph Company. The store
| In question sent out not long ago to those
| Of its regular patrons living within a ra-
dius of a few blocks a circular advertising
a new district telegraph service" This
| being explained. meant that any telephone
messages which might arrive at that sta
| tion for any of the above. mentioned pa
| irons would be delivered Immediately at
| the respective houses at the extremely
moderate tariff of :, cents each
Evening star., 1897-03-06
A PrOfcssiOnnl Hint.

The young man with the intellectual
face and gentle manners looked all around
the room and saw no one in whom he felt
like confiding until he observed the debon-
nair countenance of the horse race editor.
Gcing up to him he said:
81 wish to have some poetry examined
with view to its publication In your pa
per- Can you attend to it?'
IF it Is the right kind Of poetry I can
handle it. News is q little slack. anj if
you can let mo have something about some
old plug that went in as a hundred to one
shot and won the mortgage OF the home
stead I might weigh 1t in for you. I'm
not giving airy tips on whether you'll get q
chance to finish. though: we've got some
strict judges on this paper, and you're
liable to be disqualified long before you
show your colors on the track"
"You mean. I infer, that the man who
undertakes literary career has a hard
race before him."
Exactly So"
I'm rather afraid this poem won't ex-
actly suit you" he went on. producing his
manuscript. 1T isn't about a mortgage"
"Well-let's have a look at II, anyhow
though I never knew q poems being any
good where the horse didn't take up q lot
Of promissory notes."
The visitor read in q subdued voice:
The evening shadows come and hide the
sky's once gilded span:
Sweet messages OF rest they bring to
Evening star., 1897-03-06

impression that anybody who has some
spare time and a postage stamp can do a
stint in the poetry line. that 1 take my pen
in hand to tend to the job right before the
opportunity is spoiled"
THE INAUGURATION.
Some people they long for the Fourth of
July,
With bright Roman candles and pinwheels
and sky
Rockets. But give us the Fourth of
March, say I.
We have plenty Of fireworks on March
Four.
And likewise great many things more
1t was simply glorious that parade to view
Gally tripping down the avenue.
A fitting tribute to Presidents powers:
10 pass given point took IL several hours
They were marching purely for love OF
their native land,
All except a few who play in the band,
But business is business. as We all under
stand.
There was an audience from all parts of
the nation
Hundreds Of thousands at the lowest calcu-
lation:
And it must have done the Presidents
heart good
To realize that each would
Hold office II he could.
They come! They come.'' Hear the joyous
shout!
Some with whiskers. and some without
Think of all those gallant men in line.
And yet l am nobody's valentine
But more than the doings out in the street
love to witness the joy complete
Where. on the sidewalk, like merry elves.
Folks hustle around and enjoy themselves.
Only did occasionally wish the police
Could stop some of the noises, SO that We
could have peace.
But alas. this life was always so;
No pleasure did we ever know
But what there happened something or
other
That made 1t different from what you'd
ruther.
Evening star., 1897-03-06

tertainment committee But I'm a reason
er. I got into the habit of reasoning two or
three years ago, and even on the most
hilarious occasions I can't help thinking
about things, and that's what makes me
anxious to get back home
Tired. are you?" said the employe.
Rather. You see, I realize more than
most people. don't accept the mere as
sertions of school books and newspapers
on any subject" he went ON with the van
ity of philosopher who has at last found
an audience. Il figure out every proposition
for myself. For instance, have no doubt
that you would claim that tomorrow will
be the 9Th Of March"
"Of course 1 woulj."
You'll excuse me for sayingeft. but that
shows how you share the thoughtlessness
Of the general public. You look az the cal
endar and because that says so you take
1t for granted. Now. as a matter Of fact,
there is way Of telling exactly what to-
morrow Will be. For months people had
been making preparations to enable to
get about three days Of experience and ex-
element into twenty-four hours at the in
auguration. Mind you. 1 don't say exactly
three days But what we called the 4th
of March would certainly be accepted as
the equivalent of more than one day or
two days in the life Of the average citizen
So that at the lowest estimate this period
of existence which We call today Is actual
ly, at the lowest calculation. day after to-
morrow. OF course, l don't try to make
other people live up to my ideas in such a
| matter. Uniformity Is more of an object
than absolute accuracy. Whenever any
body tells me what day he thinks 1t is, by
the calendar, will smilingly acquiesce: but
in my heart Of hearts I will know better"
Il think 1 understand" the employe an
swered. And you want to get back home
before you lose eny moro time"
That's not the only consideration.
don't like living so far inland. I've got a
place as close to the ocean could build.
| and don't feel safe anywhere else. A few
years ago got Interested in science. Now.
! You might think that this continent nat
uraliy grew here. But 1t didn't. Geology
proves that it was formerly covered with
water and just naturally bulged its way
| out. iEundating what was formerly dry
| land"
"But isn't that terribly ancient history?"
Whatever has happened once Is likely to
| happen again. And the greatest events
usually occur In the most unexpected man
ner. I stick close to the coast line. / have
| lot of life preservers always handy, and
| when the next bulge comes along I'll be all
| stead claim on the new ground. without
| suffering any greater Inconvenience than
! a ducking. You've been polite and patient
| with me, and I'm glad to give you the tip,
| although I don't dare talk about it to ev-
| erybody. for fear of being taken for a
| crank.
Evening star., 1897-03-06
HE COULDN'T TELL A LIE.
And Consequently He Was the Victim
of Confidence Men.

Of Confidence Men.
Last week a couple Of men worked
confidence game on an old gentleman whose
name is too well known In Washington for
1t to be mentioned here. The story Is given
just as he told it.
Il want % see," he said. 'how this story
will strike you. It struck me two ways
at once.
1--WE had just passed through Cincinnati
and l had settled comfortably down in my
seat, when a man came in and sat down
behind me. In ten OF fifteen minutes a
man rom another part Of the car came
over to him and said: Jim, have you got
any big bills? I've been collecting and
want to send some money home, but these
little bills make too large roll
Jim replied that he had none. With that
the first speaker said to me In brusq'ie
and business-like manner: Sic, lave you
some large bills that you could exchange
for some small ones?
Now. I had two twenties folded ltp in
my watch pocket. but as I dis.rusted the
man 1 said No l an a pretty old man
as you know. and in all my eiShty-twe
years I have tried to stick somewhere neal
the truth. I decided I was too old to be.
gin lying now. so I corrected myself arc
told him had two twsnties.
well, sir, II you can let me change one
of them I will be very much Obliged ht
ones. 1 looked ut the bills and they were
good money. I handed him the twent!
and folded the bills up with my othe1
twenty. Just as ] was putting them in my
pocket again he said: Let me count Il
again and see if it Is all right Although
I knew 1t was correct I handed it to him
He counted il over. then handed it hacl
saying, Yes, that Is all right
Pretty soon they left the car and theI
1 thought 1 would look at that money
again. I took out the roll and found tina
it consisted of five one dollar bills and NJ
more. The darned rascal had slipped GU
with my fifteen dollars.
Il consider that they played a good tok
on me and that view Of it is amusing--in :
way-but 1 was most confoundedly mad
too.'
Evening star., 1897-03-06

An AbStruae Problem.

Can you direct me to the Congressional
Library?" he inquired of one of the guides
at the Capitol.
straight ahead Of you," was the an
swer.
''Do you know much about that placer
eyes. I work there
Good! 1 don't want to break in and
surprise anybody with a display of ignor-
ance, and IL you'll give me a little in
formation I'll be ever so much Obliged
In the first place. are there any thick
leather-bound books there with edges tha.
get worn out. in spite of the fact that
nobody ever looks al themr'
Lots of Them
''Do you think that I could find among
them something about methods of thought
and the theory of syllogism and analysis
fec,?'
There's a tremendous lot of foolishness
published nowadays. and at least two
copies of every volume get into that place"
THANK you"
''What do you want to waste your time
that way for?" asked the guide why
don't you let me take you around and
show you the Senate and House of Rep
and the funny echoes and the rest of the
curiositieS?" inquired the guide.
mo; I've had festivity enough. I want
to wade into library and make some in
But you came here to celebrate the in
auguratfon and have a good time, didn't
your?
Yes: and I've celebrated all the way
from the Treasury building to the Peace
monument and back again several times q
day. Look herer' and he pulled from his
pocket a crumpled toy balloon. "A man
showed that at me and shouted 'Hooray for
Mckinley: Mister, don't think of leaving
| the city without taking home q souvenir
of the occasionr 1 was feeling so good
: natured that bought II without thinking.
Here are seven collections OF the latest
songs Of the day, for ten cents a copy.
can't sing note, and I don't care for
music. anyhow. But bought them"
Going from one pocket to another. he
| hshed out q toy monkey. q magnifying
| glass, three packages of cough drops and a
| false beard. These he arranged carefully
on the floor, and, standing critically aloof.
exclaimed: There's something missing. l
know what it is. It's the canary bird that
| MARBLES when you blow into it'll it with
water and blow iLto 1t. Oh. here 1t is!''
| And expression Of gleeful relief shone
| on his counter ance. I'm my grip sack I
have six pearl collar buttons. a lead PEN
| ell and a pair of suspenders. Tn going to
| take them all home and cherish them
| while life shall last But. just the same.
I'm going to put in five or six hours with
| books such as I have mentioned and study
| out, II can, what the connection Is be-
tween tin monkey, a bunch Of bogus
| whiskers and a pewter canary bird and
my patriotic enthusiasm over historic
| event"
Evening star., 1897-03-06
ScruEgs' Joke on His Dor.
m the Chica1o HacorN


There Is clerk in the War Department
at Washington with keen sense of humor.
who. for the purpose of Identification. I
VIII call Daniel Webster Scruggs He is
what people call "a funny man" He
spends about half the time he should de-
vote to his official duties thinking I'D con-
undrums. puns. practical jokes and other
disagreeable things When his fellow
clerks find mucilage in their ink bottles and
crooked pins in their chairs they always
bless Scruggs, but he has been warned by
the chief of his division SO many times
that he is less humorous in the office
nowadays than he used to be. But at home
with his wife and six children, there is no
one to restrain him. and the neighbors are
good-natured. Mrs. Scruggs is a patient
long suffering woman. and says she is so
used to IT. that "she doesn't mind him
any more" She Is nursing Scruggs lust
now with devotion that shows her gen
uine affection for the man who has been a
perpetual torment during seventeen years
of married life. For Scruggs is a victim OF
mis- own humor.
About j week ago Scruggs conceived the
idea of shaving off his abundant whiskers
and one evening after Office hours. without
saying d word about his intention lef
them the floor of a barber shop. When
he got home he thought he would have
some fun with the children So he turned
his coat and hat inside out, let himself
into the hallway of his residence with q
latch key. and. launching up his shoulders
like a tough. made some queer noises. The
children rushed out of the sitting room
followed by their dog. which Is about as big
as flour barrel, and stopped with alarm
as they saw what they supposed to be a
tramp. But the dog was not at all fright
ened. He sprang at the stranger with al
eloquent growl. and In an instant he anc
Scruggs were rolling over and over on the
hall floor. The children screamed. anC
their mother came hurrying from thu
kitchen Scruggs shouted and coaxed ant
swore. but the dog didn't see the joke ant
didn't recognize his voice. and Mrs
Scruggs and the oldest boy were lonf
| time separating the combatants.
They sent for the doctor. who cauterfzet
! the wounds and bound them I'D carefully
| He says that Scruggs had narrow escap
and will not be able to return to his dutie:
| for fortnight The clerks In the Omc
| say that 1t was good enough for him.
Evening star., 1897-03-06

Written Exclusively for The Evening Star.
Incidentally Observed.
No mind-reader, he: yet with confidence
He said: "As the crowds slowly move down
the line.
Wen see many girl to these haunts all
But I'll tell you the city that calls each its
And one who was radiant as new-dawnins
With fairy-like footsteps came passing
that way.
This town is a peach" she exclaimed
My friend winked his eye. From New
York." murmured he
Looked on with thoughtful and pitying
ITO think. these poor folks don't have
scrapple!'' she sighed.
philadelphia! That's easy" my friend
promptly cried.
With glances uncertain. she fingered to
1t was plain she was lost in the city's
broad maze.
"Oh, where are we at?" she exclaimed In
distress.
Atlanta" quoth he, els her usual ad-
DRESS"
In tones scarcely heard mid the bluster
and blare,
She cooed to the youth who escorted her
there:
ct hope they'll h>.e pigs feet for dinner
today
"Cincinnatir' What else could listener
say?
She said. with a laugh which like bells
tinkled light.
''The Washington monuments really a
sight;
But think we nave buildings much taller
than that"
! ''Chicagor' The answer came swiftly and
| One lifted her glasses and pensively signed
| ''The tympanum here most severely Is
| tried:
The assemblage is highly cacOphonoas,
| dear"
| From Boston she came. That was per-
fectly clear.
Evening star., 1897-03-06
Why 1t Failed to Work.


The train was going at full speed, says
the Chicago Tribune, when a shaggy-
haired passenger who had got on board at
the last station thrust his head out
through window. and his old slouch hat
blew OF.
Conductor he yelled. I've lost my
hatr'
That wasn't my fault" replied the con-
ductor. Ticket, please"
THE ticket was In my hat!'
"Oh. IT was!'
''Yes. 1t was Ticket fur Atlanta"
The conductor pulled the bell rope and
escorted the passenger to the platform Of
the car.
There" he said. as the train stopped,
"1s your hat. rolling along ahead Of the
engine. and there isn't any ticket In It."
And he kicked him of.
The shaggy-haired pilgrim had made the
mistake Of boarding an Alabama train
that was going with the wind and falling
to keep UP with it.
Evening star., 1897-03-06

A Time When Washington Had Only
Tnyerns and Bar Rooms.

A Time When Washington Had Only
Tayerns and Bar Rooms.
Lager Beer Saloon was fifty years
ago." says an old-timer, IAN odd sign to
many of US. for that now-popular drink was
comparatively unknown to the people of
the District. There were but few places
where liquor was sold known as saloons
for the English for drinking places was the
tavern and bar room,' and the word
saloon seems to have come into use with
the advent of the German beer. In the
taverns of the city the favorite drinks were
the distilled drinks (whisky, etc.), and the
soft drinks, porter, ale, cider and berthe
latter an English beer, which came in bot
ties. A favorite soft beverage was ''alf
and 'alf,' especially with those who came
from the British Isles. If 1 mistake not,
cne of the first lager saloons established
here was on Maryland avenue, west of the
Capitol grounds. and as l remember there
was naught but beer and light wines to be
had at this place. When, however lager
was introduced it soon became a popular
drink, and the number Of saloons increased
rapidly. There were at this time a number
of temperance organizations In the District
for the effects of the great temperance
revival started by the Washingtonians had
not been dispelled-divisions of Sons of
Temperance and associations of Brothers
of Temperance, George Savage, DIR. Flod-
yardo Howard and A. F. Cunningham be-
ing prominent apostles, while among the
Catholics Rev. Father Mathews of st. Pat
rick's was a temperance leader"
Evening star., 1897-03-06

answered. COIlClSeiy
and with patience,
and he remarked
with a gra I e I u I
smile:
II don't want you
to think l haven't en-
joyed myself in this
town. 1 wouldn't for
the world be regard
ed as casting any re-
f1ections on the hos
pitality Of the ma
tion's capital nor the
efficiency of the en-