The western sentinel., 1897-01-07
ALkAL-I IkE'S TRIP.
He Has an Experience That Makes Hin
Feel like am Tnf,p+

Feel Like an Infant.
"Yep, I'm back, p" said Alkali Ike in !
reply to the inquiry of the able editor of |,
The Weekly Clarion, "an l am yere to ,
say that, no matter W hat man runs up !;
against, he never gets so full of expert !
ence that thar hain't nuthin new for |.
him to encounter. !
"Durin my long an somewhat useful
career I've been mixed up in the usual !
run of shootin scrapes an cattle stam- .
pedes an blizzards an claim jumpin's s an !,
free for alls of every description. I've /,
narrerly escaped bein lynched so many (
times that it's got mouotonous. I've /
been knitted an drug around by the neck |
an tarred an feathered an so on, an once |
gifts myself chased all over town by an |
infuriated grass widder lady with a gun,
OWN to a trif1in nIisunderstandin. Look |
in back over my trail gifts to imaginin /
that I'm plenty well seasoned old |
buck, but the experiences m meetin up |
with on my return trip from Arizony
makes me aware that previous to that
time I'm mere infant. a-dribblin my
bread an milk on my bib.
''In the first place, l hain't much
more than got started for home till the
train is held up by as scurvy gang of
road agents as 1 ever had the pleasure
of meetin. | was asleep at the time, an
instead of crackin me on the skull with
gun to wake me up one orncry cuss
kicked me an broke my flask of as mel
Ter old 40 rod as you ever poured into
your head. l was never more disgusted
in my life than was with the way them
varmints cperated-rippin an r'arin
around enough to have carried an elec-
tlon instead of purseedin like gents an
takin their p1under an shootin sech of
US as resisted decently an in order. Busi-
ness is business, an bur hanged if / don't
like to see 1t done on business principles
''Waal, it was all over at last, an the
train started on its way amid the rejoic-
in of every body except two persons
One of 'em was gent from the east
who didn't pear to be able to git used
to our free western ways an was so
skeered that he took to drink an done
nuthin all the rest of the day but soak
an shudder. The other was an English
tourist that the robbers had took an beat
an drug around by the heels for fun or
jest bercuZ he was an Inglishman He
never said word nor batted an eve
more frequent than common while they
were amusin themselves, an when it
was over he jest brushed himself off an
began ritin in his notebook.
''Nuthin of Importance happened dur
In the rest of the day except that the
bibulous gent continncred to imbibe an
grow more wild eyed, an the English
man made All entry i'll his notebook now
an then. The train was two or three
hours behind time, an the engineer, in
his endeavor to make up the loss, ran
by tank whur he ort to have stopped
for water. Water is of heap more i'm
portance to an engin3 than it is to a
man, an while the train was thunderin
along at full speed the boiler exploded,
an the whole blamed business piled up
in one vast catastrophy, so to speak.
''You never saw sech hoObly boob
ly in all your life. The cars was mixed
up scandalous, an folks heads an necks
an legs broke like punkins; the engine
man was blowed clear off the map;
batch of tranps ridin on tho trucks I'M
der the cars was squanched fiat Every
body but the Englishman was hollerin
all kinds of things but hooraw, an the
mashed tramps was screechin shameful.
The gent that had been indulgin in lick
er had been on tho verge of the horrors
for the last 90 miles, an this yere eli
max upset him complete. But, instead
| of seein snakes, he GOT the craze that he
was married an pulled a pistol an blew
his fool brains right out.
"Nacheral enough, this added to the
excitement, bat 1 observed that the
Englishman was carm an serene through
it all an purseeded 20 take some more
| notes. The fore part of the wreck
caught fire. an we got to scuttlin around
| like rats in a trap lookin for n place of
escape. An then we found that hawk
nosed gent from Connecticut had got
| the only ak in the car an cut hole an
| posted himself outside with "a big club,
an thar that Shylock stood an made us
| pay quarter apiece TO come out through
his hole, which was as little piece of
business as l ever seen. When L got out,
I found myself Close to the Englishman,
| still carm an unrufiicd.
Mighty bad affair, pardner, says
| I, 'the worst 1 ever seen.
'Hindeed?' says he.
"'Waal, hain't it?' says sorter crab
bedly.
d" Hi don't know, Hi ham sure, says
he. Hi supposed such hincidents We're
common hoccurrences in Hamerican
railway travel
81 reckon [ must have been jOlted up
worse than | thought in the wreck, for
right then | throwcd up my hands an
tainted, full an complete. When came
| to, I Hol Thar Whoop Rawson comm
out of the Blue Light I've got little
business with him. So long See you
| later. Tom z. Morgan in Truth.
Peace to Its Ashes.