The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-11-03
HuMoR OF THE DAY.

No invention, we think, ever caused
quite so much talk as the telephone.
-Yonkers Statesman.
Teacher-"What animal attaches
himself to man the most?" johnny
'The-er-er bulldog, ma'am. -
Pittsburg Bulletin.
"What is this telegraphy withouN,
wiresP" "Well, when 1 was young
they called it making eyes at the
girls. Chicago Record.
"Little pitchers have long ears"
''True; but it wouldn't matter so much
if the big pitchers hadn't such very
long tongues. .'-Harper's Bazaar.
Drink to me only with thine eyes?"
The poet was n sage, l wlst
The things one drinks with but ones eyes
Are least expensive on the listl
-Harper's Bazaar.
Fair Visitor-'T suppose, Mr.. Pa
lette, that true art is very difficult to
understand?" Mr.. Palette-"About
as difficult to understand, ma'am, as it
is to sell. Detroit Free Press.
Watts-"Can you furnish me par
rot that uses pure English?" Dealer
--"I can't exactly guarantee the purity
Of this. ones English, but can assure
you that he is perfectly grammatical. "
Cleveland Leader.
Little Clarence latter thinking deep
ly)-'Paw Mr. Callipers (wearily)-
"Well, my son?' Little Clarence
"Pa, why is it two o-headed girls are so
scarce when two-faced men are 80 COM
mon ?"-Harper's Bazaar.
ST amt goin' out on a tandep with
dat Susie Mellon girl again, no, sab. "
"Whaffer?" "Kase when her toes
amt collidin' with the handle bah, her
heels is plowin' cutters in de ground!
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
She-"Tell me truly, now, is your
heart wholly mine?" He-"As nearly
as it is possible, l being a loyal pa
.riot George Washington, you know,
is first in the hearts of his country
men. Boston Transcript
Mother lin horror)-"O John!
Don't you see what baby is doingP
He is sucking all the paint OF that
monkey on the stickl" Father deep
in his paper)-"Oh, that's all right!
It only cost two cents. Puck.
Smythe-"I wonder what idiot orig
mated the phrase, There's no ac-
counting for taste?'" Tompkins-
"WhyP" Smythe-"B Because I'd like
to get at himl I've just been account
ing to the milEner and modiste for my
wife's taste!"- Brooklyn Life.
"Say, old man, just suppose l had
the choice, would you advise me TO
marry an ugly girl with money or a
pretty girl without money!" "a
pretty girl without money, by all
means. That would give you the
name OF having money yourself. -
Detroit Journal.
Visitor-''Whatl He isthree months
old, and you haven't named him yet9"
Mrs. Wheeler-'No. You see It's
this way: l want to name him after
my bicycle and John insists on naming
him after his. guess We will have to
compromise and name him after the
wheel mother rides. Puck.
$50 have won the wager, " he said,
joyfully, "and the ten kisses are
mine. 1 will take them at once. y
George" said the beautiful girl,
with noble, generous light in her
eve, "I am not the one to drive a hard
bargain with you. Let us call it nine
ninety-nine. At ten o'clock the
score was past the hundred mark
Detroit Free Press.
First Burglar-'It's no use tryin'
dat place t'night. De man an his
wife went in bout an hour ago, an l
heard him tell her he'd buy her di'-
mond necklace tomorreY." Second
Burglar-"What dat got T. do witit?"
First Burglar-"Plentyl She won't
be able T. sleep fer t'inkin' bout it,
an he won't sleep fer t'inkin' how he's
c,ot a, ,,o.y fos ~ i-Dnok