The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-11-14

.OD
70 send to the editor the best samples of
neat repartee they ever heard or read.
1u5ging from the. number of replies the
worlds stock of ready answers must be
very large. For the proper use of repair
tees it Is necessary either to recollect or
n understand them, and it is desirable,
"a when possible to do both. Such was not
the case with the undergraduate who re-
marked upon the shortness of a friends
gown, and received for answer, 1T will
he long enough before 1 buy another"
Hugely delighted with this witticism, he
said to the next acquaintance he met,
.NIv gown is short but it will be a long
time before 1 buy another" To his sur
prise and chagrin the man merely stared
and did not laugh.
What are the conditions of a repartee?
II should be courteous in form, severe in
substance. difficult either to mistake or to
resent. Such was the famous reply of
Provost Goodall to William ". when
he goes" said the king, speaking to Keate
and pointing to Goodall, when he goes
III make you him" II couldn't think of
going before your majesty" said the pro-
vost with a profound bow. Nothing could
be more absolutely perfect. The king had
been brutally rude. The provost was ex-
trenely courteous. But a sterner rebuke
was never administered to monarch by
a subject.
This is far better and more truly humor-
Gus than Wilkes smart retort to the
Prince of Wales Wilkes was whistling
God Save the King" How long have
you taken to that tuner asked the
prince. Ever since l had the honor of
your royal highness acquaintance" Here
the brutality is on the side of Wilkes.
Among complimentary repartees, the
first place must be given for stateliness
and dignity to the famous answer of Ser
jeant Maynard. The SERGEANT was present
ed 10 the Prince of Orange in 1888 as the
oldest practicing member of the bar. The
prince observed rather awkwardly, You
must have survived most of your contem-
poraries in the law" Yes" re-
Piled Serjeant Maynard, land if
it had not been for your high
ness I should have survived the law,
too" That is the revolution in nut
she'll and one of the great sayings of
the world.
For simplicity and cruelty nothing could
surpass Mr. Rogers repartee to Lady
Davy 80, Mr.. Rogers hear you have
been attacking me-" Attacking you, Lady
Davy? l waste my whole time in defending
you" For a combination of malice and
wit the collected works of Voltaire might
be ransacked for a parallel.
Below will be found some of the best
samples of repartee collected by the paper
referred to above:
A military tory candidate was address,
ing meeting of voters in rural village
at by-eection, which took place toward
the end of 1892. The candidate was known
to be strongly in favor of f1ogging In the
army, and this was being used against
him with damaging effect Defending him
self, the orator urged that no necessary
disgrace attached to being flogged. why"
cried he, Il was logged myself once, and
it was for telling the truth" And it cured
zee nav doubt" said a rustic in the meet
ing.
The late Dr. John Ritchie of Edinburgh,
a keen abstinence advocate, was forced by
a heavy shower to take shelter in road
side public house, where he met num-
Der of carriers. He demonstrated with
them for drinking, and told them that
drink was their worst enemy. Observing
the doctors clerical garb, one of them re-
piled boorishly that his kind told them to
love their enemies. yes" replied the doc
tor, ''but not to swallow them"
The notorious Miss Chudleigh (afterward
Duchess of kingston, while maid of honor
at the court of George H. had many
scandalous tales rife as to her doings even
in that scarcely moral time and place.
my lord" she cried one day to the Earl
of Chesterfield, II believe you heard what
people say about me-that l have had
twins?" Madam, l make point of never
believing more than half of what hear"
replied the earl. with bow.
A gentleman went to look over a house
that was to be let furnished He was pi-
loted through the rooms by pretty house
maid. AS he was leaving he turned to
the girl, saying "And are you to be let
with the house?" mo, sir" she replied,
I'm to be let alone"
Demosthenes urging the Athenians to
oppose Philip of Macedon is much Vexed
with Phocion, who tells them they can
not fight Philip. Says Demosthenes,
"Phocon, you will drive the Athenians
mad some day, and then they will kill
you" YES" Phocion answered, "me, when
they go mad; and, as soon as they get
sane again, YOU
One of the best repartees on record is
that of Foote, the actor. Dining with some
friends a heated dispute arose between
himself and young gentleman. The lat
ter sought to disparage Foote by asking
him what his father was. "a tradesman,
said Foote. "Then, sir, it's pity he did
not make you one" "And pray, let me
ask, what was your father, my lord?"
My father, Mr.. Foote, was gentleman"
Then, my lord. it's pity he did not
make you one!'
In Jowett's Life the following repartee
Is given as one in which 1.-The master
greatly delighted. A Scotch minister see
ing one of his congregation asleep brought
him up with pause, and then holding out
a finger said solemnly: ''Therell be no
sleeping IN hell. John" To which the Of
fender retorted. AYE, but itll no be for
the lack of ministers"
An officer in the army seated at the
table d'hote of hotel looking significantly
to a Clergyman opposite, said: "If had
son who was an idiot l would make him
a Clergyman" The clergyman respond
ed. Very evidently your father was not
or that opinion"
The following has always seemed to me
70 be the best short repartee on record.
shortly after the coup d'etat Lady Bles-
sington met Napoleon at party. She was
little hurt by the GOODNESS of his recep-
t,oh, considering their former intimacy in
England, and was prepared to exercise her