Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-01-24
1T IS ALL CROOKED.
THE SAGE OF ALTON HAS A BILL
IOUS ATTACK.
AND IS VERY DISAGREEABLE.
GrowIs mt Everything and Every
bOdy-Runs Riot on the Law of
Opposifes, md Drops Into History
Personal.
Correspondence of the Dispatch;

| TINS lire Is cNdctly as one desires, or even
expects It to be. Notably, the cosmic
bureau. From time immemorial q curious
perversity Of climate has generally pro-
vided one sort OF weather TO match a pre-
cisely opposite kind of longing, or neces-
sity for another atmospheric condition.
Just as we were getting in a fair swim
Of sociability, with a lovely programme
set aside for month ahead, the blizzard
came-snowing. haillng. raining, and
freezing everything, our best-laid plans
rs well.
Does a walliing-stick bring the rain.
and an umbrella. especially If it has just
been returned. flood US with a day OF
sunshine? Looks that wayl One is tempt
ed 10 ask. putting weather and social
considerations aside. IL this IS not often
noticeable in every department OF life? 1
believe 1t is so about people. Perhaps be-
cause we dwell in mind more upon dis
agreeable persons and a psychic attrac-
tion draws them. Anyhow, we invariably
meet the people whom we are anxious TO
avoid, and miss the dear friend we
especially hope TO come across.
If you are just wild to meet Ruth at the
! special silk sale. to decide on those lovely
waists you are sure TO run upon Jane. to
/ whom you are overdue six months in
calling, and who will sail in with gown
far prettier than your own at the german
next week.
HOW TT WORKS.
This rule OF opposites holds good
through love and matrimony A woman
loses her heart to tho wrong man;
man misses his affinity" by the chance
Irritation Of an hour. Blondes and bru-
nettes mix up i'm incxtricabe physical
confusion. and the short. stout gentle
man who ties for life to the girl OF
| feet s. finds his vice versa next door.
/ The next young man never weds his
! first love: she Chooses his worthless
rival The belle of the neighborhood for
whom we predicted such a brilliant mar
riage. goes through the woods and picks
| up the crooked stick'-in other words.
marries plain Tom Johnson. and moves
twenty miles from nowhere. I'm the coun-
Try. Her homely sister gets the rising
young lawyer, and in ten years is n
senator's wife, with the swell set IN
Washington.
Documents of no Importance are never
mislaid the receipt for that last mort
gage is hunted for from garnet 10 cellar,
and found at last In the back Of the cock
book. The good school-boy Is cut off UNI
timely; the truant grows to vigorous
manhood. marries, and Ives happily for
ever after
We've all heard OF waiting for dead
mems shoes. It's a better tonic for the
other man than the prescription of a
medical college.
Science enormously adopts the survival
of the fittest. Sometimes it is the sur
| viz ~
| commerce the swindler often makes n
| fortune; the honest man is driven TO
bankruptcy. Luckily. the bad mans
money don't stick to him. In literature
| and in art the law of cOntrarieties crops
up again; the man Of talent fails-the
| charatan attains fame. But here again,
to reverse the old adage, every sour has
It's sweet. The stability of genius holds,
| like the sound OF cymbal and tinkling
brass. the others name goes out in wind.
No mental picture. however dark or gOr-
geous. is quite as you have painted it-so
! different, indeeG, that when you stand
| before the realization II is not realized.
| Whether il be person we are to meet
for the first time, or a place we are to
visit or even a conversation In which
we have marked out every detail, the
reality will be far different.
MEETING OLD FRIENDS.
DO we not notice this in the meeting
of old friends after a long separation?
| There is, for awhile. really a slight feel
ing Of embarrassment faint and unde-
fined. but perceptible. This old friend
has been your "chum' at school, keeper
OF your condolences. partaker Of many a
| surreptitious supper, and wearer of many
| n garment in common.
How you have pictured the meeting
How you will clasp the dear hand once
more. and rush into each others arms
and weep-for joyl What will he or she
say. first?
I'll tell YOU "Our train missed con-
nettion at the junction, and I'm late. How
are your
Perhaps it will be: why, how stout
you have grownr' Not at all as you had
| rapturously fancied, though it all comes
back after awhile. and your friendship Is
| just the same.
Pascal SAYS that II Cleopatra's nose had
been q quarter Of an inch shorter, she
would have revolutionized the world. OF
course. he means that Julius Caesar would
| have married her.
Speculation upon historical slips are at
best fruitless, but they are certainly OF
| great interest.
THE man who could maintain an army
for sixteen years in the enemy's coun-
trv-and that enemy the Romans-sureiy
had within himself the genius and
nrowess to found an enduring empire. III
| Hannabal after the battle of Cannea,
had pushed on to Rome, instead OF spend
ing a night at Capua, Carthage might
| have dominated the ring belt of the Medl-
terranean. Suppose that neither Hlsne,
nor Rlucher had come for three hours
longer at Waterloo, what would not nave
| foIlowed q victorious Waterloo for Napo-
| leon. who wanted the earthF
|. no come 10 our own country, nearu TWO
old soldiers not long since specializing
mon the contingencies Of the late war.
"If General Jackson had not forgotten
the order he gave TO his own men at
| Chancellorsville," said one old veteran.
.he would not have died, ana Lee wouiI
| have had him in commahu Win MS ''N
| corps at Gettysburg
! "And Gettysburg turned the toe salu
,ha other. IF Jackson had been there
! Tho issue would have been gained the
LET of July. instead OF the 3D.
A little boy who sold milk in the British
! oar,n ON Kings Mountain. coming down
met the Colonial army, and guided them
boc. The battle OF Kings Mountain
! drove CORVALLIS from North Carolina
m the Peninsula of Virginia, and month
ofter he surrendered. The unexpected
usuollv happens. Even the fate or ma
49, turns quite often upon trivial things.
chance? Accident? oh, no; there are
! ~ accidents whatever in life. Even our
cola weather of this week knows It's
business and will "cut some ice with us
next summer which means that we VIII
,btnlr more of It then than now. and that
,vo shall cut some ice while 1t lasts. MOI
many people in this section were fortu-
nate enough to get ice on the last freeze,
and we hope this time TO I'LL the Ice.