The St. Johns herald., 1897-12-04

He tapped hiS Iorenead, but in vain, his ideas would not come. "My friends" he said, T pity you; you have lost a fine sermon" and he descended the pulpit steps.
 Two freight engines collided near the Kentucky town of WhitIock recently. Both were pretty h-dly damaged, and one engineer was disunarged for care l lessness and disobedience of orders, The funniest thing about the matter was the answer of the dIsobedient en- gineer to the other, who asked, Didn't you have orders to meet me at Whit lock?' "Well, d-n it, hain't I met you?" said the engineer who caused the head-on collision.
 A friend of mine, says James Payn, had colonial acquaintance who was very like a certain eminent diplomat lst, and plumed himself upon It. My friend met him one evening at recep- ton, with ever so large star on his breast. "Oh, come, Jack, this won't do! I don't believe there are orders of that size in the other hemisphere. Where did you get 1t from" The much-decOrated one smiled sweetly on him, and replied in excellent English. 'I received it from my sovereign, sir; think you are in some error. 1 am the - ambassador"
 Conan Doyle tells a story of friend of his who had often been told that l there is a skeleton in the cupboard of every household, no matter how re- spectable that household may be; and he determined to put this opinion to a practical test Selecting for the sub- ! feet of his experiment a venerable archdeacOn of the church, against whom the most censorious critic had never breathed a word, he went to the nearest postoffice and dispatched this telegram to the reverend gentleman: "All is discovered! Fly at oncew The archdeacon disappeared and has never been heard of since.
 The Bishop of Worcester, England, once had occasion to travel through Banbury by rail. Being desirous to test and at the same time to encourage the far-famed industry of that town, he beckoned a small boy and inquired the price of the celebrated buns. "Threepence each, said the boy The bishop tle-eupvA A4nueu l.-.- .l..ucurc and desired nim to bring one Co the car, adding: And with the other three pence you may buy one for yourself" The boy shortly returned, complacent- ly munching his Banbury, and, hand ing the threepence in coppers to the bishop, exclaimed: "There was only one left, guv'nor."
 A careless mason dropped a brick from the second story of building on which he was at work. Leaning over the wall and glancing downward, he discovered a respectable citizen with his silk hat damned over his eyes and ears, rising from a recumbent posture. The mason, in tones of apprehension, inquired, 'Did that brick hit any one down there" The citizen, with great difficulty extricating himself from the extinguisher into which his hat had been converted, replied, with consider able wrath, "Yes, sir, 1t did. It hit me-" That's right" exclaimed the mason, in tones of undisguised admira- tion; noble man, I would rather have wasted thousand bricks than have you tell me lie about It."
 Some years ago Judge Stipp, of Princeton, was pleading a damage case before the Illinois Supreme bench. A short time before the court had decid- ed an almost similar case, in which one of the parties had lost fingers, against the injured man, saying in their decision: ''The party being an at torney, his injury does not keep him from climbing those heights where fame's proud temple shines afar'" MT. Stipp was deep in the point of law when his remarks were interrupted by the justice who wrote the former de- cision, who said: "Was not this point covered in decision a short time ago by this courtF' "Yes, your honor" re- piled the attorney, '1t was, but my client has lost his toes, and has no claws to climb those lo.s4.,s, ss,. The other justices smiled audibly and the lawyer was allowed to finish h peace.
 The late Senator George, of Missis- sippi, was an agnostic, while his wife was deeply religious. She placed a neighboring Baptist minister on his trail, and he got no peace Once, rid ing slowly home from Carrollton and reading his mail, the preacher burst out of the woods on his right hand and began. They came to creek and cross ed it. It was, in the Senator's Ian guage, "saddle-pocket deep." On the further bank he dismounted. "Git down." he said, fiercely. The minister looked at him doubtfully. He feared a personal encounter. "Git downr He got down. "Now," said George, 'T'm tired O bein' harried around tn kentry like I was a cotton-tail rabbit an you was pack O nigger dogs. Baptize me right here." It was winter time, but the venerable statesman would not be denied. The two men waded into the icy water up to their armpits, and the ceremony was performed. Senator George climbed into his saddle and looked down on the shiyering evange- list. "Now," he said, you go home and stay home. I'm through with this - foolishness."
 Real Estate in Paris.
 An idea of the prevailing price of land in Paris may be gained from A list of awards to owners of property in the