Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-08-06
HUMOROUS.

Ever try these cigars?' eyes.
Found them guilty"
"My brother died last week; he was
blown up" 'Ahl Wife or boiler?"
zone never knows what to expect
from woman. ALAS, mol / ex-
pected fortune when | married.
Critic Where did you get the idea
for that picture? Painter-0ut of my
head. Critic-You must be glad that
it is out.
First Stranger-I say, that's my
umbrella you have! Second Stranger
i don't doubt it, sir--I don't doubt
it. / bought it at pawnbroker's.
Claude-Do you think your father
would offer me personal violence if /
were to ask him for you? Mabel-No;
but think he will ii you don't pretty
soon.
"You don't bring the chickens out
prominently in your picture of farm
life, " said Roaster ''Uml No." re-
piled the artist. 1--WE just made them
lay figures"
81 pay my child to be good, I" de-
clared the first good father. That's
entirely wrong" replied the second
good father. MY child has to be
good for nothing"
"Ah, my poor man, said the bene-
violent old lady, 81 suppose you are
often pinched by want and hunger,
are you notg' "Yessum; and some
times by the cops.
Manager-I think the farce-comedy
will do now. Is there any other
change you can suggest? Assistant
1t occurred to me that we could put
the second act first.
"Daughter, what time did your
company leave last night?' why,
Papa, he started home at half"
'tNever mind when he started; | want
to know when he left.
my dear sir, your books are in
frightful disorder. Don't you have to
make up deficit sometimes?" 'tOh,
yes, sometimes. But, then, some
times there is surplusr'
''Your son, hear, is becoming an
excellent landscape painter. HE
is. "Does he initiate nature well?"
'Imitate nature! He beats nature.
He can put colors into a landscape
that nature never dreamed Of "
Don't you think these stripes be-
come me?" asked the summer awning.
'"They ought to be run crosswise, "
said the window, savagely. ''You are
nothing but daylight robber. y
Scribbler tsarcasticallyl-You edi-
tors are so polite. You always regret
being unable to use manuscript
Editor You would, too, if you had
wasted half an hour reading the stuff.
Kindly Old Lady-And you say,
poor man, that you have been well
brought up? Casey De Kidder -Dat's
no dream, ma'am. I've been brought
up fifty times in the last five years,
and got seven days each time.
Clara They say he loves her SO
much he can even anticipate her
thoughts. Minnie Yes, indeed.
When we were coming out this even
ing he said: "Yes, dear, it is on
straight, before she had said word
Young Wife-Why, Harry, dear, /
have discharged the cook, and am do
ing everything myself; we don't have
to pay her IS a week | cannot see
how We can economize any more.
Husband Perhaps we can get her
back.
Workingman-- Gentlemen, can you
tell me how | can get any one to give
me job of work? Weary Walker
You bet we KIM just dress yourself
like one of us hoboes and you'll have
work offered you everywhere you go
that's right!
Warwick r. What has become of
Dauber, the young artist who became
famous a few years ago from his ex-
quisite drawings of the perfect female
form. Lawson-Oh, he struck it rich.
He's holding position drawing ads.
for a corset manufacturer
81 find the American farmer so in
teresting" Uttered the poetess. II
manage to extract good deal of in
terest out Of him myself, was the an
swer of the short, elderly, double
chinned gentleman, who. as it after
ward developed, was in the mortgage
business.
But, said the Cuban insurgent,
''you will not be able to see the pris-
,ner. He is 'incommunieado. !"
BAH said the dauntless filibuster.
who had once been a New York book
agent; "l'll manage to see him. I've
seen hundreds of men who were sup
posed to be 'incommunieado
1t was not lost upon the savage po-
tentate that the captive, whose doom
he had inexorably pronounced. was
the picture of despair. "Be sure to
hang him in a mellow, subdued light, !"
said his majesty to the imperial exeeu-
TONER, and thus again manifested the
artistic instinct for which he was
famed, despite his lack of early ad-
vantages