Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-12-23
NUMBER 81.

oolu the S'laTt man 10 the hotel pro-
prietor, I've just had an argument
with my friend here on the matter
of terms, and want you to decide. -
Fire away" said the proprietor.
" Well, l told my friend | was
coming down here to the office to
pay my bill. My bill, you I'M
derstand Was that right ?"
"Of course. What did he con-
tend ?"
He said l should have said your
bill. How about it?"
well, yes. 1t certainly is NV
bill. That seems to be correct"
" But you said just now my bill
was right"
Oh, well, it's both. It's YOUR
bill and it's my bill"
"That sOrter makes il our bill.
doesn't it?"
" Yes" assented the proprietor,
anxious to get rid of the man.
That's what it is-Our bill"
Well, that decision suits me to
a L. Just you make out my half of
it and I'll pay you right away.
There's nothing like getting things
straight"
WORDS OF A GREAT MAN.-Dr.
Buckley, the editor Of the New York
Christian AdCOcdte, is quite a hero
worshipper. Some years ago, while
wandering through the Kensington
Museum in England the prominen:
divine caught sight of Tennyson,
at that time the Poet Laureate.
Tennyson carried child, and was ac-
companied by his wife. DR.. Buck
ley made up his mind that he would
follow this great man, and perhaps
hear one of his comments on the
works of the old masters.
Finally, the little group paused be-
fore magnificent painting. DR..
Buckley edged a little nearer. The
oracle was about to speak. The
American was sure that the author
or "ln Memoriam" could not say
anything commonplace.
AS he unconsciously approached
the painting to catch the words
Tennyson seemed about to speak,
the latter turned to his wife, reached
out his arm and said:
Here, wife, you take the baby,
while / go down and get some beer"
HIS APPETITE.-"N No." said the
philanthropist, firmly, "I cannot
give you financial assistance. | am
opposed to the principle eofindiscrim-
mate almsgiving on the street. But
l Will gladly give you an order on
restaurant for whatever you may
want If you are hungry"
And he did. A few days later he
visited the restaurant, walked up
to the cashiers window and said :
suppose you hold a charge against
me here. sent poor fellow to you
last Tuesday, and want to settle his
bill"
Yes, sir" replied the young
woman behind the counter, as she
rummaged among some papers and
found an unpaid check, seventy
cents, please"
Mercy on us! :" calculated the
philanthropist, "that poor fellow
must have been nearly starved.
What did he eat to amount to so
much as that ?"
"One gin fiZz," she said, "two
Manhattan cocktails, whiskey
straight and three beers"
A HAPPY HIT.-Many stories are
told of the happy faculty Of saying
word in season possessed by DR..
Hall, an old clergyman of Princeton,
N. j., years ago.
AT one time difficulty had arisen
in the Presbyterian church at Gram
berry. The presbytery was convened
to hear and adjust the matter. They
met at Cranberry, and the discussion
became so very hot that a good deal
of unpleasant feeling was discernible
in the tones and faces of those who
were carrying on the argument.
Just at the most critical point old
DR.. Hall rose to pour oil upon the
waters, as was his invarible custom.
Mr.. Moderator" said he in his
gentle voice, and with no suspicion
of smile on his fine face, " Mr..
Moderator, l rise to offer resolu-
ton which is that little sugar be
put into this cranberry tart"
The effect was instantaneous the
laugh came at just the right mo-
ment, and the bitterness that had
begun to gain ground was checked
then and there
THE SICK ONE.-This is story
ali old bachelor friend of mine tells
to bolster himself up whenever he
begins to think that single blessed
ness is not all 1t is cracked up to be.
A woman here in town gave a din
ner one Sunday in the winter-a
family dinner-to some friends who
had known her when fortune was
not smiling on her as it does these
days. She made great preparations
for the affair and sent to her farm
in Maryland for turkeys to grace
the feast. The turkeys came, alive,
in box, but in mailing the box shut
one of them had been cut in the
head slightly by nail, so that his
head bled little, The dinner was
prepared and served. 1t was a
triumph of art, and everything went
on swimmingly till the roast turkey
came in. The little son of the house
saw it coming. "Oh," he said in a
clear, sweet, ringing voice, "here
comes the sick turkey. Mamma
said to kill that one first"
VESSELS UNDERNEATH THE SEA.
a hollow vessel, formed of metal
or any other substance, and her
metically sealed, can be made to
Aoat under the water u given dis