The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-03-04
PINDERPATCH.

mOrlSt
When he first settled mt Balsam Applc
Ridge. the disciple of Blackstone WAS
known ~ plain Peter Pindcr. but after
awhile. when clients began to grow in
numbers and the pleasant Jingle of sill
vcr dollars made sweet music 10 cheer
him III his daily toll, Peter concluded to
enlarge his sphere of usefulness.
He purchased Il lot of ground opnositc
the postoiiicc at the Ridge settlement
and erected 4 neat board Office, where he
could moro comfortably counsel his un-
fortunate lawbrcalling neighbors.
After Pinder was settled in his new
Office and his business was in good shape
again the postmaster, very observing
genius, gazed ut the shinglc tackled to
the door and remarked:
Hcv ter stretch yer name out. Pin
der, now yer got Il new Office, ch?"
"Hain't MGR name big ernough:" in
quired tho country lawyer.
eyes, but yer been carryin it so long
hits pooty we'll worn now. Yer ought
to put CT patch Oh it,
"Good!' calculated the legal lumi-
nary. Put er patch on it, Peter Pin
dcrpatch. How'll thct do ycr?'
And from that day LAWYER Peter
Pindcrpatch has carried that name. and
he will no doubt bear it till he takes
his departure to the better land.
Oftontimes the judge of the court at
Balsam Apple Ridge would absent HIM
self for several days to take IL tour up
the country. On these occasions Pindcr-
patch was empowered TO dispense Justice
until the magistrates return.
There was an old man named Job
Corner who lived several miles AWAY
from the settlement and was necessarily
getting into trouble with the court.
He was Il convivial old fellow. who
liked toddy whenever he could get one.
and he was not scrupulously honest. At
every term of court job Corner was sure
to De Il prisoner before the bar. At one
time he would he up for failing to work
the public road. At another time he
would face the judge on the charge of
stealing Il hog. Again he would be call
cd to answer for the minor offcnsc of
beng drunk and disturbing the peace of
the ncighborhood
One pleasant morning Pinderpatch as
ccndod the bench at the courtroom. the
regular judge being off on one OF his
tours
Court was called to order by the con
stable, and the few petty eases for the
day were soon examined and properly
settled
Call the next case on the docket. "
commanded his honor III IL shrill voice.
Job Corner" slowly dr;lwled the
constable.
job Corner, come up, commanded
the court.
Job trcmblingly approached the bar
of Justice.
Wat yer up yorc fur, Job?" stcrnly
asked Pindcrpatch. "Gctlin drunk"
"Nuh, " muttered the prisoner, shak-
ing his head.
stealth hogs?'
"Nuh -
Road dcfaultcr?"
"Nuh "
Numerically bcatin bulls"
"Nuh. "
"Brcakin up church meetin?''
"Nuh. :
well, whut thcr deuce air 20 up
hero fur, Job, anyhow
Beat mcr wife
En- gruntcd the astonishcd Justice
" Beat yer wife, job"
"Uh hunh.
He'd CT fuSt rate set to, Job?'
lyon bet -
''Who lickcd-you?"
"Nuh "
"Olc 'oman:"
"Uh hunh.
Small pcrtatcrs, job; small pcrta-
tcrS Let or oman lick yer! Air We
guilty or not guilty of the charge crgin
YER"
Not guilty" pleaded the prisoner.
Want to be tried by the jury CT by
Their COURT
BY Their court, jcdgc.
The judges face assumed Il solemn
expression, and ne cried out rapidly:
Let The case of the state versus job
Corner come ter trial. Their evidence all
III. Prisoner at the bar guilty i'll the
fust degree Job Corner. hcv yer any
thing ter say why sentence should not
be pronounced immcdiatcly:'
II hcant, replied the prisoner sheep
ishly.
Ever hccn convicted before" asked
his honor
I'm hunh. " gruntcd job.
Fur what:''
=" i}rcaliin the peace"
En- fur gamblin, too, WASH ycr?"
Yes. blurtcd out job
" En- hog stealing
9Th mnh
''llow long yer been out or Jail. Job?''
"Hc;mt been thar vii.
Yer hcant, dad blame yer hide, yer
good 1or nothiu wife bcalcr! Yer heant
never been i'll jail VII. hcant yer? Yell
keep or in yer defiance of the majesty
! Cf thc law. Will ycre Hob Cnrncl stand