Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-12-12
RHEUMATISM


the fsstidious, was produced. and this the
Commander-in-Chief adjusted TO her
neck, whereupon she whisked herself be-
fore large mirror. and then scrutinized
the effect over her shoulder After look
Ing at herself sideways for some time
she called for other martins and minks.
and these also she applied TO her neck.
BY and by she was encircled by a whole
defunct geological garden. but nothing
exactly suited her. She wanted the tail
OF the martin to reach down as far as her
waist, and finally when such an animal
was produced. she said she wanted one
with three tails. Now even the children
had sense enough to know that animals
don't generally grow with but one tail,
and we all thought the Commander-in-
Chief had row on her hands right there.
But finally the lady clerk said she would
sew a few more tails on the martin, which
had otherwise come up TO specifications,
whereupon the woman we feared seemed
satisfied. Then, incidentally. she care
lessly asked the price of the varmint.
After j had heard the response. Twenty
dollars" IL was some time before I could
be restored from the fainting spell which
overcame me.
That's what l want you TO give me
Christmas, dear" she said, with unusual
assumed q negative answer to be i'm
possible. The black martin will be pro-
duced Christmas, or somebody win knew
the reason why.
When the youngsters had made them
selves thoroughly obnoxious in the fur
rier's store, they demanded. una voce.
to see some toys. and the COMMANDMENTS
Chief with unwonted magnanlmity, an
nounced that great 5-and-i0-cent estab-
lishment was her next objective point
Hither the string OF incipient humanity
was directed, and here, too. the crowds
respectfully made way for us. The lead
er Of our party dragged the urchins away
from the toys and HE'D us 20 the kitchen
department. Though the $50 fur had been
an item Of the smallest considera-
ton TO her, she now became seized with
a spirit OF overwhelming economy. She
contested the legality of charging a
quarter for a bread-roler, and finally
had this article knocked down TO her for
20 cents. / was allowed to carry the
article. Next. the granite cooking-uten-
sis were examined, and having proved
to the satisfaction Of the clerks and pro-
prietor that the same goods could be
bought anywhere else at half the price,
She secured these at 10 per cent. dis
count. In addition TO the bread-rOller,
I now meekly groaned beneath the weight
of many pans and cooking appliances. l
was beginning TO see that / rad some
mission in life. when we were marched
in a double-quick to the Great Notion
Store-doubtless so named because ii is
calculated to meet any notion a woman
may take into her head. Here the chill
dren stampeded in the direction OF won
derful cat that very excusably mewed
10 hoe Tot nit
sufficient violence. I was detailed to cor
raj the fugitives, and when we were once
more collected together the Commander
in-Chief led US through the realms Of
corsets and bustles. Then, and then only,
| was glad / was married. No single
man could have seen the things l did
and lived to tell the tale. There were
bustles Of all sizes and shapes, though
most Of them we're built on the boone
rang plan-that is TO say, they came back
at you, or rather at your back THOSE
built on the pattern of crescent would
have made good life-preservers. and In
case Of emergency could even nave peeh
used as shoulder ornaments for the mill
tary. 1 am told. however, that they are
not usually used as shoulder ornaments.
And the stockings saw-Oh! me, there
were so many that concluded ladies
The Commander-in-C browsed with
her ewes on these strange pastures. and
roamed long and lovingly among the OBJ
iects most calculated TO make me con-
graduate myself that / had chaperon.
After mature elaboration and much ef-
fort on the part Of the clerks she pur-
chased paper of pins. These l put IN
nv rocket with her veil, gloves, and
purse which i carried.
"Children," she said, at this tuncture,
I'm going 70 take you home now.
There's no use In my trying to get plea
sure out of anything when I've got you
with me- Your father would let you tear
down the city II he had his way"
And we all went back. and was sad
and sorrowful, but chuckled that Xmas
comes only once year. though couldn't
exactly see what application our excur-
sion had to this great holiday.
THE IDLE REPORTER.