The Monitor-register., 1897-07-16
JOSHED ALL NATIONS.
THE Ex-kING OF THE FAKIRS TELLS
HOW TO MAKE A LIVING.

Rich After Having Done Only Four Days
Work In Thirty Years-HOw He Got His
Nickname-COrn saIve For Russians and
Perfumed Beans For Frenchmen
Tick Lowndes, the ex- king of the
fakirs, having become rich, left off trav.
cling on his fiftieth birthday, married a
Foung wife and settled down in Phila-
delphia. because l was born there"
he says in explanation of this strange
thing, land l believe man ought to
give the town he was born in a show"
For nearly 20 years Lowndes, circum-
navigating the globe II times, beamed
upon the worlds population through
his Moses P. Handy whiskers, and, in
his own words, "joshed 'em all, white,
black, red, brown and yellow" into
providing for his luxurious existence
and for his eventual wealth He got | is
nickname of Tick from tie solid gpId
watches he used to sell to countrymen
for the nominal sum of two bits
Maybe you think they won't co."
he would bawl, holding up one of his
watches when purchasers were back
ward. That's where you re way off.
Listen to this one tick And he would
initiate the ticking of watch with his
mouth so that the sound could be easily
heard by those on the outer limits Of
the crowd around his torch illuminated
carriage. Success and seniority gave
him the title king of the fakirs, by
which he was known until his retire
ment.
Il often hear 10 account chaps talk
ing about how hard it is to get along in
this world" said Lowndes when he
was here. "They make me weary. The
world is easy-easy swapping his
fingers as if the subject was too silly to
talk about. when l was small boy,
playing marbles and shinny and peg
top, l looked about me and saw all
hands breaking their necks trying to
earn living-struggling, sweating.
worrying, working like the devil, every
one of 'en.
sit was positively painful for me to
watch 'em, although was only in knee
breeches. l made up my mind right
then that had heap too big capaci-
ty for fun to wear myself out working,
L
oyster. Well, I've been nibbling OH the
oyster ever since, and the only work
you could call work that ever did was
four days of coal heaving down in the
stokehole of Japanese steamer on
which was stowaway. How's that
for a record-only four days work in
30 yearsl Don't look it?''
Tick did look it. He was a perambu-
lating jewelers. shop. Diamonds gilt
tered all over him-not the sort of dia-
monds he used to put into his Pandora
envelopes. Itwas acknowledged that he
looked prosperous all right.
"Now you'll be astonished, but the
worst jays l ever struck anywhere i'll
the world are the Russians / think l
sold about five tons of axle grease corn
salve for ruble an ounce box Oh ono
trip through southern Russia All the
men i'll Russia have corns. They all wear
heavy cowhide boots - the ordinary
folks, mean-which suppose accounts
for it. / felt almost ashamed the way
those Russian folks fell over each other
to buy my ordinary axle grease of CCm-
merce for their corns, and the worst Of
it was that i'll the larger towns, where
l staid for three or four days, the yaps
that had bought the stuff on the first
day of my arrival came to me before
left and told me gratefully that tho
grease had entirely cured their CORDS
Why, was regarded as public bene-
factor throughout the whole Russian
empire.
81 found the French pretty easy ones,
too especially i'll the smaller towns.
The first time hit France was sell
ing West Indian perfumCd beans They
were the ordinary American beans that
they don't know how to cook in Bos-
ton, despite all this talk of Boston as
the town of beans. | dyed the beans
blue and soaked em over night III CO.
logne. l used Il Mexican vaquero s make
up on this trip and sold the beans u
dozen for franc, with long spell
bind about the perfume lasting for LOCO
years, and so on. 1t was like finding
money, this bean fake in France.
''All of the South Americans, from
Panama to Patagonia, are pretty easy to
gold brick All over South America |
tonic to make the half breeds white. |
made it of nights as | went along out Of
any old thing that wasn't harmful
dandelion roots, wild cherry bark and
such stuff. The governments got aftrr
me finally for it, though, and thar'S
the reason the half breeds of South
America are still reddish i'll color
Their governments wouldn't let 'em buy
enough Of my whitening stuff, you see.
1.-The Mexicans'll buy anything.
You may not believe it, lat l sold thou
sands of dollars worth CT common bar
soap for removing grease spots on one
trip down there, Notwithstanding the
fact that the duds worn by the people
who bought the soap were az much on
the G string order as the law of the land
would permit. | sold EN- safety raZoIs
that cost me quarter each wholesale
for So, which was about ais low down
as ever played it, as any man who
ever used a safety razor will admit.
II would have made million ont cf
the natives of the Fiji islands if the
jealous white residents down there had
not choked me off. AS it was, | cleaned
up good bit of money on the scheme.
l traded off blue spectacles with the FL
Jis luf CoCulHedl. SOCHIiiedl aV 'Hds lluie
was about worth its weight in silver.
The Fijis went crazy over my stock Of
goggles, and had several of the island
ers gathering cochineal for me until the
consuls hunted me out.
II was cooking up scheme to sell
the Kaffirs some stuff to straighten their
kinky wool and make it look like the
white mans hair, hut tho white pcOple
down there wouldn't stand it, although
there was millions i'll it. Washington
Cor. New York Sun.
The old story of Prometheus is par
able. Prometheus was on the terms eff
intimacy with the gods. From them he
stole fire, and give 1t to men. For this