Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1897-09-27
BAD DAB At DAVENPORT.

BAD DAB At DAVENPORT.
Puck Pays . Fer Fetched Compliments to
the Iowa City.
The comic periodical, Puck. in
dulges in the following reference to
Davenport, but it is gracious enough
to spare the subject the humiliation
Of q cartoon:
Davenport. Iowa, is one of those
towns like Altoona, or Rochester or
Cheyenne. where all persons have
been. but where no person has ever
lived. The purpose Of being in these
towns is TO pass through them. In
these towns subscription banquets
are held when the trains come in,
and the second course is coming on
when the trains pull out. To draw
people to these bsnquets requires q
would suffice to call together all the
tribes Of Africa; and, when it 10
beaten. the walls Of the station build
ings sway in and out, and people
rush from the cars in fear.
| 1.-The railroads have chosen the sc
towns as eating stations, in order
that they may be mean and disoblig.
ing. and yet be considered kind and
thoughtful; for the railroads do not
wish to stop more than Is minutes
in a place. and in these places the
passengers would not wish to stop
more than Is minutes. The trains
always pull out with the bells ring.
ing and everyone satisfied.
"Peopte who have passed through
these places hundred times or so
may find in their minds an unsus.
pected curiosity to know what sort
Of places they are when the trains
have gone and the gongs are silent
and walls OF the buildings have
ceased to palpitate.
LAS l once passed several hours in
Davenport, l may be the only per.
SON competent to allay this curios
Iity.
Davenport is in Iowa, and 1t is us
ually COMPOUNDED with Dubuque; but
it is q different town, having it.
own autonomy. 1t is not q very
large town; but it's people say that il
has taken q sudden start in the last
% years, and that it would be diff
cult to limit its future greatness
But, although you can't Judge by the
length Of toad's tail how far he car
jump. you can always tell by the
toad that he can't jump far.
.In such things as the seven won
ders Of the world, Davenport is def
Gent. But the water supplied BY
the waterworks is seven times more
wonderful than all the seven. It il
obtained from the Mississippi, and il
is certainly muddy. II is so muddy
that the people have taken the water
departmentinto politics. and will use
nothing else. At Davenport the Mis-
sissippi resembles q wide, dark col
ored plain, barren of verdure.
1.-The water that runs into the
washbowls at the hotel is so rolled
and bemoiled that the traveller thinks
he has washed before he begins; and
after he has washed, he thinks that
he hasn't. 1t is the more clearly al
tentative not to wash, as q rule, and
local mathematicians have figured
curves and tables for different pro.
fessions and handicrafts, showing
how long the persons engaged in
different pursuits will be the cleaner
for not washing. For an ore show.
eler the time is 16 days.
They treat the water differently
here. according to the purpose fol
which it is desired. II they wish 9
flued for drinking. they filter the
river and save the water. II they
want farm, they take the river Just
as it is. They claim it is Just moist
enough; but as matter of fact. like
many western people. they depend
on irrig alton.
| The personal motive of this ironi-
cal attack is conspicuous and the bur.
den OF the arraignment being water,
the author evidently was unable tt
find an opportunity in the entire
place to satisfy himself with any
thing stronger in the brieI
space Of time allotted to him
for tarrying there. As q matter Of
truth, Davenport presents an article
In the water line that is unexcelled
anywhere. but there is nothing
that SO rebukes the highly cultivated
Qualities of an inherent and insatia
BILE thirst as the suggestion Of tn,
sparkling draught as the only alter
native.
| Thus does Davenport pay the pen
atty for being strictly temperance
town.
Bucklens' AHnsca sAlvo