The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-02-12
LARRY CAN'T, sOLUs.
DiscOurses of the play and a Drink
with an Imported Name.
From the Piedmont headlight.

From the Piedmont Headlight.
Being snowbound to-day at our little
one-gallus home in the country, and haV-
ing no exchanges at hand from which to
write editorials with our scissors. we are
al a loss for some subject TO discuss. We
first started in on that time-worn topic
the Gather, but quickly found 1t a more
fitting subject for cussing than discuss
ing, and as our articles would not tally
with the Sunday school lesson on another
page we decided II best TO destroy the
manuscript and start over again.
We went to the door 10 see II the snow
draped landscape would not furnish us
with an idea. But a scene of dreary DESC
lation met our gaze. one of our old bony-
part mules was trying to steal a shuck
from the crack of the empty crib-a dis
consulate yellow hen stood under a wagon
two pigs were industriousy at work roll
ing up a bed of violets that our better halt.
had Just set out--a black yearling near
the barn stood bent up like bow and pre-
scented a picture of Indebtedness. Even
the birds sat ruffied upon the garden
fence, with heads tucked under their
wings. There IL not more dreary scene
imaginable than country nome during
snowstorm. or one less calculated to IN
spire the pen.
Failing TO discover any Incentive out of
doors, we returned TO our room, where
a. roaring oak and hickory fire awaited
us, and esconced In our easy chair took
a retrospective glance at the past and
All at once the pleasures of our recent
visit to Columbia came before US ike a
bright dream-and chief among which
were the courtesies shown by our friend,
Lient. Gov. insolvency.
on Friday night he carried a party to
the theater. engaging d private Don,
where the Two Orphans was the play
billed. We had witnessed that perform
ance entirely too orfen" to be much in
terested therein, but as genial party
was made up, decided TO grin and bear
the ordeal We have heard Patti sing;
have seen Joe jefferson In Grip Van Win
kle;" heard Sara Bernhard: attended
cuses, patent medicine shows and listen
ed uDon street corner to the screachins
of a WORKOUT hand organ, while MINI
BILE monkey gathered In stray coppers;
but of all the performances we have ever
witnessed, or ever expect to witness, the
one to. which insolvency set 'em up
Der having passed two more tortuous
hours and the only relaxation we had was
to watch our friend Magill from Abbeville
(who was sitting In the pip take along
swallow every time would-be actor turn
ed 2 dispensary bottle to his lips. That
show might haye passed muster IN the
Black swamp OF Hampton county. where
bull-frogs. mud turtles and alligators were
the audience; but to palm it on on a civ
ilized city like Columbia was grievous
After the theatrical mill had ground
out our lieutenant governor evidently felt
that he owed his friends some redress for
posed that we walk around the corner
and take a glass of "bouillon. MsSWee-
ney, however, wrapped his tongue around
tot-Digger Indian pronunciation that he
evidently caught from the low-country
darkey We never heard the WORD as
that II must be the legislative name for
blind tiger. But we wanted something
and wanted 1t bad, and right then-to
take the taste OF the show out of our
mouth, and so meekly followed our guide.
McSWeeney walked up to soda fountain,
gave the clerk wink, and again unrav-
Fled that unpronounceable word. Nc
Sweeney had evidently been there before,
for the mixeologist at once set to work
compounding the decoction. He sqeezed
a few drops OF glutenous substance from
"A square vial and took a round OF the
counter adding other ingredients, which
we afterwards discovered upon tasting
that beverage TO be asafoetida, the ex-
tract Of poecat, mustard, tan ooze, the
scrapings Of decayed rawhide, rancid
"A dash OF high grade Peruvian guano,
besides other nauseators whose properties
were drowned by the odor and taste OF
our drench. The glass was then fllled
with boiling hot water and set before US,
with a spoon about the size OF an ear
gouge. and five soda crackers, the exact
Dimensions of one OF those old Columbian
PG Gentle reader. we took one sip of that
dose. and the taste stu fingers; We
secured our mouth with sand, had IL
whitewashed. and slept for more than a
week with IL priced Open hoping that
the taste would be evaporated by fresh
air. But all TO no avail.
We rinse. we may scald, that mug" as
we will.
still.
insolvency, with a heather Chinese
smile upon his face, inquired why we did
not finish our glass-that IL was the most
nourishng beverage he ever tried, ana
quite refreshing.
We told our generous friend that were
we shipwrecked OF stranded al the
drinking Bouillon or committing canni-
halism. we would halt for some time be-
tween two opinions and gulp u down. Bus
liquor, frost-bitten potato, or even
healthy tadpole, we should draw a line
on his new-fangled drench.
Lieut.. Gov McSWeeney Is a big-hearted
whole-soulcd gentleman, but we would
VhfsDcr into the cars Of our readers thai