The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1897-10-22
HUMOR OF THE WEEK.
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable
Phases OF Human Nature Graphically
Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists OF
Our own Day.
Tea-TnbIe TAl,k.

WHEN the goat tackled the can OF
dynamite you ought to have seen the
butter fy.--Binghamton Leader.
POET - "The manuscript of my
poems is illegible; must copy them.
what, again?"-Fliegende Blaetter.
THE idea that a man in love has a
far-away look in his eyes probably
originated in crinoline times. Wash
ington Star.
LAWYERS get rich minding other
peoples business, but that's no eX-
cuse for ordinary busybodies. -Somer-
vile Journal.
No WONDER people can't under
stand finance when it's alleged the
more gold goes abroad the closer it
gets.-Philadelphia Times.
THERE'S wan unjoost thing about
ARMY pinsions, said Pat. "Them
as lives gets it all and them as dies
gifts lift. "-Harper's Magazine.
The WESTERN VERSION. st. Peter
-"Did you try tolive up to the golden
ruler" Chicago man-"Yep; | tried
to do others before they did me" -
Puck.
A1GH - "Bingley's wife doesn't
prove to be all that he fancied she
was" Bee-"Very likely; he got her
at bargain counter. Boston Tran
script.
81 THINK the point well taken"
said Nupoppe softly to himself as he
stepped off the inevitable midnight
tack without so much as sim
BRowN-"Mrs. ]. appears to be in
censed against her laundryman."
Jones-"Yes; you see he ironed her
skirt plain and rut1ied her temper"
Leader.
WIFE-"I have just been to the
dentists and had a tooth drawn"
Husband (heaving a sigh)-"Lucky
tooth! 1t is now beyond the reach of
your tongue. DE Sobremesa.
THERE must be wonderful
amount Of electricity in strawber-
ries" Nonsense, man; why?" "You
try pricing box and see if you don't
feel shocked. Chicago Inter Ocean.
WHY, what's the matter with the
boy?" 81 wuz a SEEM how many ami
mails from my Noahs ark l could
hold in my mout, an I've been an
swallered giraffe an a zebra!"-
Life.
Il SHALL treat him in the most dis
tant manner" she said, Indignantly.
"How will you do it?" asked her
brother. "I'll never speak to him
except over the telephone"--Wash-
ington Star.
MERCHANT-"This style of hat will
make your husbands face look very
wide" Wife-"That's why am get
ting it; his face always looks so aw-
fully long after Christmas. "--Chicago |
Inter Ocean.
NEW HAVEN would have been |
without bread for some days past,
owing to a strike of her bakers, had |
not men from other cities been OBJ
tanned to supply her kneads. -Phila-
1elphia Ledger.
AT THE THEATER. -Hicks-"What
10 you think of Strideabouts per-
He tells me he COM
nitted his part in half day" Wicks
Him! Don't you think he ought
TO be committed HIMSELF"
HE-"Jerusalem! What made you
offer prizes? They'll cost fortune"
She-"Pshaw, we don't have to get
my; they were to be given to the
woman who didn't ask what's
Chicago Inter Ocean.
SoLICIToUs FRIEND-"If you are
determined in your intention to go
Upon the stage, l hope it is at least
With high aim" Mrs. De Voors-
Don't worry about that can kick
,hree feet over my head and not half
n.y."
Miss FUZzIE-"I want to break my
with Mr.. Sappie, but 1
lon't know how to do it without
Irving the poor fellow to suicide"
little Brother--"Why don't you let
lin see you in curl-papers?" -Good
News.
DoCToR-"Well, my fine little fell
ow, you have got quite we'll again!
was sure that the pills l left for
'ou would cure you. How did you
AXE them, in water or in cake?"
ooh, used them in my pop-gun. -
Tit Bits.
TEACHER - What is the golden
ext? Dick Hicks-Is the servant
greater than his master? Teacher
low is the question answered? Dick
Hicks - In our house it is never
aised.-Browning, King s. Co.'S
Monthly.
pray" inquired one minister of
mother, seeing so many ladies at
end your church, why do you in
address your congregation as
dear brethren?'" "Oh, the reason
S easily given" he replied, "the
brethren embrace the sisters. Tit
Bits.
SToREKEEPER--You won't suit me
( you're not married. Young man
Why do you prefer your clerks to be
married? Storekeeper - Because 1
ind the married ones are never in