The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1897-09-23
RHODY KIRBY.

day wrote thus:
''tTo Let.-A frame cottage, containing
nine rooms, subdivided into parlor, recep-
ton and dining room, library, kitchen and
four bed cham bers, with broad halls. The
house is encircled by a veranda and situat-
ed in grove of about three acres extent.
Well and cistern on tho premises; stable
and outhouses. Three squares to station
and about half mile to electric car line.
now in course of construction, and which
will pass place. Rent $50 per month. APP
ply on the premises, Cloyersyde, St. Louis
county"
am not college bred man, just plain
"readin, writin, 'rithmetio" sort of NOR
tai, not given to beating about the bush,
but trying with all my heart to speak and
write so as to be plainly understood. And
so, when, after writing this advertisement,
l looked it over, it seemed to express in a
fairly Intelligent way the desire that moved
me to its composition and the subsequent
expenditure of coin necessary to secure it's
publication. I desired to secure tenant
for my property. The premises and the
location were described with sufficient at
tention to detail and accuracy to enable
the reader to arrive at decision as to
whether that was such q place as he or she
might have in view for residential pur-
poses. The rental was set out as distinctly
as my knowledge of the English language
would permit me to state it in words or
figures. These preliminaries disposed of,
there remained for me nothing to do but
reflect upon the bereavement by which I,
confirmed bachelor, found myself in pos
session of something for which I had no
earthly use, and to trust to the power of
the press for a measure of assistance in
the preservation of that possession or its
disposition in manner satisfactory from
financial and personal standpoint.
1t was plain that, city raised as had
been, l could not reside contentedly in such
place. I was ignorant of the manage
ment of a house and the control and guild
ance of a corps of servants The location
was against my taking up my abode
there. 1t was too retired and quiet, decid-
dly. The ten days had spent there while
the carpenters, painters and decorators
were putting the place in shipshape were
the most lonesome and dismal in all my
experience. The nearest neighbor was
about two blocks distant, but had he been
next door it would not have relieved the
isolation, for he and his family extin-
guished the lights and retired at 9o'clock,
leaving the world to darkness and to
me-"
In an old fashioned rocker, with that
solace of solitude the pipe, 1 would sit for
hours, my reverie only disturbed by the
rattle and roar of passing train and the
accompanying bark of every dog in the
circuit, these dying away and intensifying
the solitude and loneliness
have said that was plain speaking
man and plain writing one. Perhaps in
the interest of truth I should qualify that
statement by adding that thought was
until the results of my rushing into the
want columns of metropolitan newspa-
per disabused my mind of the idea My
appeal to house hunters met with gener-
GUS response. They came singly, in pairs
and quartets in crowds. Every train bore
a delegation Of them. Not all house hunt
ers are demented, not by any manner Of
means, but goodly percentage of those
who favored Cloyersyde with their pres
ence on that beautiful Sunday just year
ago today were, am bound to think weak
mentally. Either this or there was a gigan-
tic conspiracy among the guild to harass
and annoy me, and thus add to the embar-
rassment of the predieament in which !
found myself through this sudden acquisi-
ton of landed property. 70 particularize:
The first person to call was a pudgy, red
faced gentleman, who, after he had toiled
up the hill and relieved himself of snort
or two, requested to be shown over the
place. When we had returned from the
inspection, my caller protested that there
was no sewer connection.
How under the shining sun there should
be such thing with the nearest sewer five
miles away is beyond my feeble compre-
hension, but that he did expect it, and
came out there purposely to realize his ex-
pectations, the manner in which he mop
ped his bald head and grunted left no
margin for doubt. AS he babe me good
day and waddled down the hill to take the
next train citywsrd fancied I could de-
tect phantom sewer connections in the
heated atmosphere above his head. The
next train landed half dozen oranks,
who jostled each other in their anxiety to
reach me. AS they wedged their way
through the gate and along the gravel
walk there was fire in their eyes.
The place was decidedly Objectionable
because the rent was too high; there were
no speaking tubes in the house; the cellar
was not oemented; the house had been
built to be heated by furnace, and was
therefore beyond the reach Of those of mod
crate means; there was not room enough !;
there was too much room: the rooms were
too large and would require acres Of carpet
to cover the floors; the grounds were so
extensive that the employment of man
to care for them would be necessary; there
was no sidewalk trains were not suffi-
GENTLY numerous 1t would all be nice
enough for summer, but when winter
comes what's body to do, and SO forth.
OF course the advertisement expressly de-
scribed this as frame house of nine rooms,
the grounds of about three acres in extent,
the water supply as coming from we'll
and oistern, the railway station as three
blocks away and the rental as S55 a
month. And yet scores Of men and women
who were in search of brick house of six
rooms, with city water, sewer connections,
speaking tubes. gas and bath, Oh the line
of street railway, came out to inspect
my property and annihilate me with their
objections to it. I thought was plain
speaking, plain writing man. am not.
The week passed and the house was still