davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
HER FATAL DISCOVERY.
After She Made 1t There Was No uo
For HOratfO.

After She Made 1t There Was No Hone
For Horatio.
Break our engagement he echoes
in amazement. Il don't understand
you.
She regards him with look that
would freeze ice cream.
Il regret" she returns haughtily,
my inability to render my meaning
more transparent Permit me to sug-
gest that you attend bargain sale of
dictionaries. "
Pardon me. Of course understand,
but l do not comprehend. You cannot
be serious.
Il certainly am"
But what have I done?' he asks in
a voice puffy with anguish. "Have |
not been as devoted lover as ever
woman had?'
Il suppose so, she admitted.
Then why do you wish to puncture
my life? Clarinda, love you as do
my bicycle. You are the chain on my
sprocket, the air in my tires Deprived
of the oil of your affection, the lamp of
my existence would go out forever, and
l should be pinched by the copper of
death -
The girls face softened, but did not
lose it's air of determ ination.
"Horatio," she murmured tenderly,
"do not look at me like that. Your
eyes stir me like pudding. You have
indeed been the most ardent of lovers,
but after such discovery I cannot
change my resolution. Our engagement
must be fractured. !"
Discovery What discovery"
ALAS" she cries, that I should
have to tell it! Last night when you
frightened my saddle saw that your
wrench-heavens, how l blush at the
recollection-is of an 1896 model Do
you think can marry you now?"
With wall of utter despair the
young man rushes from the house and
jumps on crosstown car. New York
Sunday Journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
THE PRETTY TYPEWRITER.
\ Romance Founded on Several Facts Of
Recent Occurrence,

\ Romance Founded on Several Facts of
Recent Occurrence.
She was as beautiful as a dream and
as fresh as the dawn.
But Horatio Everingham was not in
genial mood. He had arisen with a
headache, and everything had seemed
to go wrong at the store that morning.
Only five minutes before the sweet young
woman entered one of the firms oldest
customers had left in anger and de.
clared that he would in future buy all
his goods from rival house
well" said the old gentleman as
she stood with downcast eyes before
him, Il suppose you've called in an
swer to my advertisement for type
writer, have you?"
Yes, sir" she demurely replied
I've already engaged one," he went
on. Sorry you didnt get here little
earlier The fact is hired the first ap-
plicant that came, for concluded that
person who would not get here early
enough to beat the others who might
want the place wouldn't be likely to be
'ery prompt in getting around if | were
to employ her
Il should have been here earlier,
she said, "if had not first gone to see
Mr. Bullion, the banker He also ad-
vertised for typewriter. am sorry
now that l didn't come here first Then
| should probably have beaten all the
others. +"
While she had talked Horatio Ever
ingham had taken his first good look
at her, and he, too, was sorry that she
had gone to see Bullion first But there
was no use regretting what had been
done He didn t need her now; so there
was nothing to do but let her go He
arose to show her out of the private
office, but she hesitated.
You don't think you need two type
writers, do your" she said at last
No, )" the merchant prince replied
rather impatiently. "One can do the
work easily. Good morning"
well, then, she murmured, half to
herself, II suppose I shall have to ac-
cept Mr. Bullion's offer I'm sorry, for
I'd rather work here. +"
What! exclaimed Mr. Everingham.
You re going to work for Mr. Bull
lion?"
"Yes l told him I'd come back if
you didn't want ME. "
"Stay here. my girl, stay here, ;" said
the old gentleman, while beads of cold
sweat stood out upon his brow. I'm
make room for you some way Great
Caesar, what narrow escape! Why,
all my money is in Bullion's bank -
Cleveland Leader
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
WOmen's Rights.

pitcht my tent in a small town in
Injianny one day last seeson, & while
l was standin at the dore takin money,
a deepytashun of ladies came up 81 sed
they wos members of the Bunkumville
Female Reformin q Wimin's Rites AS
scciashun, and thay axed me if thay
Good go in without payin.
"Not exactly" sez !, "but you can
pay without goin in. -
Dew you know who we air?" said
one of the wimin-a tall and feroshus
lookin oritter, with blew kotton um-
breller under her arm-'do you know
who we air, sur?'
"My impreshun is" sed l, "from a
kersery view, that you air females. 4"
"We air, sur" said the feroshus
woman. "We belong to a society which
believes wimin has rites, which be-
leeves i'll razin her to her proper speer,
which believes she is indowcd with as
much intelleok as man is, which be-
leeves she is trampled on and aboozed
d who will resist hense4th & forever
the incroachments of proud & domi-
neering men.
Durin her discourse the exsentric fe-
male GRABBED me by the coat kollor &s
was swinging her umbreller wildly
over my head.
II hope, marm," sez |, starting
back, "that your intensions is honor
able! I'm a lone man hear in strange
place. Besides, I've wife to hum
Yes" cried the female, 81 She a
slave! Doth she never dream of free
dom? Doth she never think of THROWN
off the yoke of tyrrinny d thinkin e.
votin for herself? Doth she never think
of these here things?'
Not bein natral born fool, " sed |,
by this time little riled, 81 kin safely
say that she dothunt."
"Oh, whot-whotp' screamed the
female, swinging her umbreller in the
air. "0h, what is the price that woman
pays for her expeeriuncep'
Il don't know, sez |. 1.-THE price of
my show is Is cents pur individooal. "
"& can't our sosiety go in free?"
asked the female
"Not if know it," sed l.
"Crooil, crooil manr' she cried, &
bust into teers.
Won't you let my darter in?" seq
anuther of the exsentrio wimin, taken
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Oxygen and Mushrooms.

A singular way of removing oxygen
from the air by the aid of plant il
described by DIR. 7. l.. Phipson i'll The
Chemical News Inside glass bell jar,
suspended over water, is placed a mush-
room, and sunlight is allowed to fall
upon the plant The mushroom absorbs
the oxygen from the air in the jar, and
the carbonic acid formed during the
process is absorbed by the water, which
gradually rises in the jar to one. fifth of
its height The mushroom now dries
up, but its animation is only suspend
ed, as may be proved by introduce p.
beside it green plant, when it
recommence to vegetate, being nc
ished by the oxygen exhaled from tie
fresh plant
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Knocked the Poetry Ont of IL.

The following little story would be
pathetic but for the fact that unforeseen
circumstances turned it in different
direction.
A Georgia writer was requested by
the father of a bright little boy who
had died to write some memorial verses
of him. Il had given him, explained
the parent, "a pretty little bedstead,
of which he was very proud His last
words were, Can't Billy take his bed
to heaven with him?'"
The writer thought he saw something
poetical in that and went to work on it.
Before his work was finished, however,
he received the following queer mes
sage:
leave the bed out of the obituary
1t was bought on the installment plan,
and the furniture dealer has levied OH
it, ATLANTA Constitution.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

A widower and widow, each hav-
Ing children, married, and children
were subsequently born to them The
parents agreed much better than the
children did. One day neighbor, go
ing past their place, heard commotion
within, out of which rose the voice of
the wife, screaming to the husband:
''Jim Jim Hurry out in the yard
Your children and my children are
beating the lives ont of our childrenr'
Exchange
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Not His Kind.

Hilgard-Jason has got model wife
He was going to buy bicycle, and she
persuaded him that lawn mower
would give him just as good exercise,
and that it would be more economical.
Nixon-I'm awfully glad Jason has
got such an excellent wife. 1t is such a
comfort to know that nobody else is in
danger of getting her Boston Tran,
script.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

tuc ucSb
iNrAAiioNe' home in triumph
The trophy was the talk of the village,
and Editor Turnkey of The Delphi County
Era, after looking in his encyclopedia
under the head of hornets, had de-
clared in the hotel barroom that the
very largest hornets nest on record in
the books was only SO inches in circum-
ference and II inches long.
Early that evening, while sitting in
front OF the hotel, heard a commotion
on the side veranda and soon became
aware of the fact that 81 Jones had ar
rived. l could not see ST, but the con-
versation was perfectly Ineligible,
"Hello, Si!' cried voice.
"Well, well, we'll, Sip drawled an
other voice.
There was no response from ST.
"Have a chew, Si?'' ventured a third
voice.
mo. Try one o. my clear Havany
cigars, ST." pleaded the voice of the
landlord. "That was IL Dustin big nest.
Si.''
''Think so?" expostulated new voice,
the voice OF 81.
"a huster, SIP cried the landlord.
"Have cheer, Si?'
Don't care eff 1 do" said ST, and
then heard the chair creak as he slowly
seated himself.
At this point turned the corner and
joined the group.
found no difficulty in identifying
81. His eyes were barely visible. bis
nose was D mere conjecture, his checks
Hammers.
Hammers arc represented on the
monuments of Egypt, 20 centuries
before our era. They greatly nc IN
bled the hammer now in use, save
that there We're no claws on tile
back for the extraction of nails. The
first hammer was undoubtedly a
stone held in the hand Claw ham,
mers were invented some time dur
ing the middle ages. Illuminated
manuscripts of the eleventh century
represent carpenters with claw ham,
mers. Hammers are of all sizes,
from the dainty instruments used
by the jeweler, which weigh less
than half an ounce, to the gigantic
so ton hammer of shipbuildin9 es-
adjustments, some of which weigh
as much as so tons and have a fall
ing force of from 80 to 100. Every
trade has its own hammer and its
own way of using it
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
The Two Garricks

George Garrick, borther of the ccle-
brated David, was the latter's most de-
voted slave and laborious pack horse
On coming behind the scene he usually
inquired, Has David wanted me?" 1t
being asked once how George came TO
die SO soon after the demise of his ia
nous brother, wag replied, David
wanted him "
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
THE EXsFNTR1C FEMALE GRABBED ME BY THE
COAT KOLLOR.

THE EASFNTRlC FEMALE GRABBED ME BY THE
COAT KoLLoR.
me afeckshunitely by the hand. "Oh,
please let my darter inl Shees sweet,
gushin child of natur.'
"Let her gushl" roared l, as mad as
/ Good stick at their tarnal nonsense
'Let her gush!" Where upon they all
sprung back with the simultanious OBJ
servashun that 1 was beest.
my female friends" sed |, "be4
you leeve I've few remarks to re-
mark. Wa them we'll. The female
woman is one of the greatest institoo-
shuns of which this land can boste. It's
onpossible to get along without her.
Had there bin no female wimin in the
world | should scarcely be here with
my unparalleled show on this very occa-
shun. She is good in sickness, good i'll
wellness-good all the time. Oh, wom-
an, womanr' cried. my feelins work
ed up to hi poetick pitch. You air a
angle when you behave yourself, but
when you take off your proper apparel
q (mettyforically speaken) get into
pantyloons, when you desert your fire.
sides & with your heds full of wimin s
rites noshuns go round like roarin lions,
seekin whom you may devour some
boddy-in short, when you undertake.
to play the man, you play the devil and
air an emphatic noosance. My female
friends, continued as they were in
dignantly departin, "wa we'll what A.
Ward has sed edi"-Artemus Ward
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

"How did your flowers get so badly
crushed?"
The girl in white looked startled as
the girl in light blue put this question
to her Then she recovered her self pos
session, put her finger to her lips as a
signal of caution and returned in half
whisper:
"lf tell you, will you promise not
to ask for an introduction to him?'-
Chicago Post.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

The first mention of the Huns in his
tory is in China, B. g. 2lO They con-
quered that country and were afterward
driven out by the Celestials and marched
clear across Asia, penetrating the coun-
try now known as Hungary in 376
A. d. For time they threatened to
overrun the whole of the continent, but
were defeated in the heart of France
and driven back to the banks of the
Danube
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
The Only Privileged One.

Son-The new hired man says he
wants every other day off to go fishing.
Can he have it?
Farmer-What does he think he is
sx- president of the United States?-New
York Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Great Britain's Luck.

The London Financial News says,
" 1t is great streak of luck to Great
Britain that the United States does not
take the matter of its finances in its own
hands and issue its own silver without
waiting the convenience of this coun-
try
Retiring.
Wallace - Don't you think Har-
greaves is little stingy for man who
makes the pretensions he does?
Ferry-I would not like to say that
about him, but 1 must concede that he
is little reticent with his money
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
He Complied.

"Goin to town, paw" asked his
daughter and housekeeper. Yes" re-
piled the farmer. Bring me a Youth s
Companion, will you?" "Yes. And
he did. He came back in the evening
with a young wife. Chicago Tribune
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

The young captive took from his
pocket a small, oblong, pasteboard box,
extracted from it coffin nail, lighted
it and began smoking
The king of the cannibal islands
caught whiff of the smoke and turned
pale.
"Take him awayr' he exclaimed
II don't want him.
"Shall we let him 60, your majesty"
"No Feed him to the servants -
Chicago Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

What silly expression--'no more
sense than the law allowsr Did you
ever know man who had more sense
than the law allowed?"
Certainly, The jails are full of fel-
lows who got there by being too smart +"
journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Retiring.
The Homing Instinct.

1T is SO aggravating to % house
hunting every spring." said the lady in
the city.
1--WE generally have to hunt ours up
two or three times summer, said the
cousin from the cyclone belt. Typo
graphical Journal
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
So Ingenious.

Simplex answered an advertisement
in which somebody offered to sell him
the secret for preventing trousers from
getting fringes around the bottom
What did they tell him?''
'"Tn wear knickerbockers. "-Cleye-
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
"Well, the next thing to it. :"
He Knew Her Mamma.

Mrs. De Montmorenci Jinks--I am
80 much troubled about Dorothea, doc
tor. She is just getting to that age
when she thinks her mother has no
Judgment whatever.
DR.. Fifthly--Aheml Reaching the
age Of reason, suppose - Brooklyn
Life.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

Beazeley's s woods
he had discovered
a hornets nest
that was 40
inches in circum-
ference and 20
inches long. 1t
was h a II & i IL g
from several
beech saplings,
and ST cut the
saplings with a
jackknife a II d
,,rn,,nl,t +Io nnrt
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Women as Ihl.xea.

Why are ladies the biggest thieves in
existence? Because they steel their pet
tlcoats, bone their stays crib their ba-
bies and hook their dresses Golden
Penny
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
A Lesson Lost on Him.

Colonel Louie Veel-Well, some folks
never learn by experience.
Mrs. Louie Veel-What is the matter
now?
Colonel Louie Veel-Colonel Three
fingers has gone and got married a Sec
ond time louisville Courier Journal
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
SORROW FOR 81.

According to the Villagers, 1t Was De.
cidedly Out of Place.
When l rode into Sparta Corners, 81
Jones was the cynosure of all eyes. That
morning while hunting squirrels in
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

1t is said that no country in the world
shows so great variety of plant life as
Mexico
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Where Babies Have a Hard Time.

First Baby--I shouldn't like to be a
baby up in the arctic regions.
Second Baby-Why not?
First Baby - The nights are six
months long there, and l don't believe
I could cry for that long without stop
ping. New York Sunday World
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
knickerbockers.

"Vas is das?'
"Knicks. -
"Nichts?"
We'll, the next thing to it. !"
That is, despite the confusion of
tongues at Babel, there is a certain uni
versatility of language after all. De
troit Journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
what a "Johnny" Is.

The jury in ceJ tain case-prohably
because they were Scotsmen-wanted to
know the meaning of the term John
ny" Lord McLaren's definition was "a
young man who owes more to his tailor
than TO himself for his advancement. +"
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Cautious.

The Anarchist-What we aim at is
the abolition of all law
Wayworn Watson-That ain so bad.
-'and the substitution of individ-
ual effort. -
"Say, friend, before we go any fur.
der, how much effort?" - Cincinnati
Enquirer.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
tNo?" said the other girl.

mo, not bit. If at that price they
were more than he could afford, there
is no use to think of marrying him, and
if they were not more than he could af
ford he does not love me- "-Indianap-
oils Journal
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

About 81, 900, 900 worth of American
whisky is annually sent abroad, most of
it from Baltimore.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Same Thing.

Look here, Wraggles, understand
that you told Snaggles that l was a
liar. :"
Indeed did not, Jaggles. l merely
told him that you talked like cy-
clometer
"Well, that's different What'll you
have?"-Omaha World Herald.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25
Hard Lines.

II found out the cost of those roses, !"
said the girl with the real blond hair.
"but | can't say that the information
has done me any good
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-09-25

val of new goods.
of gen'l merchandise is
because your trade is
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1897-06-25
The Pet show.

Saturday afternoon, the w. C. Il. L.
held a show of pets in Columbia Hall
which was interesting and instruc-
tive in many ways. The pure gospel
of loving kindness to all the creatures
God has made, was preached in the
most beautiful manner. If We are
kind and loving to the dumb creatures
beneath us in the scale of intelligence,
we will be more thoughtful for our
fellows in the thorny path of life. Let
the children cultivate spirit Of gen.
tleness and kindness to their dumb
friends and they will be more kind
dispositioned and tender-hearted to-
wards each other. There was quite
a good attendance, but it was an
opportunity of which each family in
town should have availed themselves.
The hall should have been packed.
The room was beautifully decorated.
Ice cream and cake were served, which
Melted small sum to the union, with
which to carry on the work. The
main feature of the programme was
the telling of the story to the children
by Mrs. Stork of Mr.. Sylven and His
Pet Squirrels" which was very inter-
esting. A novel feature was the
display of cooking by gentlemen, in
which Mr.. Merit b. Page received the
first prize, for blackberry pie; Benz.
Curry received second prize for loaf
of fine looking bread; Lynn Whitman,
third, for a nice dish of cooked corn /;
Tim Mcdonald, for cherry pie,
which he told us that he made "quick
as a cat can wink her eye" The first
prize was a copy of "Heart Culture"
the new book on mercy teaching; the
others were copies of Black Beauty"
"Our Gold Nine" and "The
Strike at Shane's." Copies of "Our
Dumb Animals" were given to every
home, and a small book to each child
who brought pet. Mrs. Stork made
the presentation of the prizes in her
usual happy and beautiful manner
Such gatherings cannot fail of good
results. Would that many more be
interested in them.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1897-06-25
The WOmen,s Federation.

Olympia was the meeting-place, this
week, of a convention that is unique
in some of its features, being a meet
ing of representative intelligent wo.
men of the State. About $50 women
were in attendance, most of whom
were delegates from 80 clubs of the
federation of this district. The Oregon
clubs were represented by that veteran
in the campaign for woman's advance
ment, Mrs. Duniway.
The proceedings were marked with
as precise parliamentary decorum, and
the addresses equally as able as of any
State conventions of men, which gen.
orally draw together the brainy por-
ton of each community.
The convention lasted two days, the
sessions being held in the Olympia
hotel parlors. Spokane was selected
as the place for the next annual meet
ing, with vigorous contest by Seattle
for the honor.
A reception was given the visiting
members by the local club, and yester-
day the ladies were by courtesy OF
Gen. Hazard Stevens, taken by the
electric cars to Tumwater park, where
several hours were pleasantly passed
in viewing the charms of that pleasant
resort.
Each of the delegates was presented
by Mrs. Stuart with a souvenir spoon,
handsomely engraved, with the word
"Olympia' thereon. 1t is a matter of
regret that our space this week does
not admit of full report of the many
interesting things said and done by
our charming visitors.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1897-06-25

tives OF the paradisical State should
have become acclimatcd by three
years continuous residence and have
had their eyes opened in that time
to the unparalleled resources of our
new State. Some of the o. rs were
inclined to draw invidious COMPARE
sons, in the aftermath of comment, in
which the capabilities of the Wolvcr-
Inc State were placed in humiliating
contrast with the mighty resources oi
the Evergreen seat of empire. As
these expressions were not made with
the publicity of the criticisms Of the
Michiganders, nohOdy'S feelings We're
hurt. however, and the celebration
passed oil to the satisfaction of all.
rllc hint may he tolerated, however,
dictated 10y the most friendly feeling,
that il l. Il poor way to build up by
tearing down; that probubly the old
residents OF Washington rU>>o>> some
OF the aticctionate regard for the Far
West that the natives OF Michigan
have for their inland State, and 1t is
unfair To expect Il quie>cence which
social amenities impose upon guests
and then indulge in odious COMPARE
sons, which have no more weight than
bubbles of air. Michigan is a good
State, grand state, but her geo
graphical position a. well rs her
comparatively limited resources, Will
never enable her to compete with
Washington in the development of a
great and mighty commonwealth.