Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-09-29
SPINNING WHEEL.
VERSES A LA LEAR.

" IL
VERSES A LA LEAR.
There was young wife of ANTIGUA,
Who said to her spouse, What a pig you
He said 80 my queen!
Is it manners you mean,
Or DO you refer to my inquire:
There was a young girl of Madrid.
Whose bike went amiss on the skid
The bike it was broken,
And words they were spoken;
I'm sorry she did, but she did!
There were three young ladies of Birming-
know a sad story concerning 'em;
They stuck needles and pins
In the right reverend shins
Of the B-sh-J engaged in confirming 'en.
-Cornhill Magazine.
-:O:-
Archdeacon Sinclair tells good story
of the famous DR.. Keate as head master
of Eton. He was so great discipline
rian that he earned the sobriquet, which
will ever cling to that other great school
master, Bushby of Westminster, and
was called the ''Flogging Keate." Find
ing, one morning, Il row of boys in his
study, he began as usual to fog them.
They were too terrified at the awful little
E4an to demonstrate until he had gone
half way down the row, when one
sir, were not VI. for punishment-We,re
a confirmation class!" Never mind,
said DR.. Keate, II must be fair all
around and it will do you good" So he
finished them off,
An amusing story, showing his shrewd-
ness, is told of Joseph Smith, the Nor
mon prophet. He had the reputation of
being able to work miracles, and on one
occasion q man, determined to see for
himself, went up to Smith and asked
him to give hiIn some proof of his power.
Smith refused, but the man persisted In
his demand, and seeing his determination
the prophet turned sharply round upon
him with the question: Twill you be
struck deaf, or dumb, or blind? Which
ever you choose you shall have" Star
tied at the idea that the miracle should be
inflicted upon himself, and evidently SUI
perstitious as to the possibilities of it's re-
suit, he ceased to repeat his demand and
left the prophet without delay.
Not long ago man was being sworn
as a witness before a Glasgow baltic,
who was well known as being very strict.
Hold up your right arm" commanded
his honor; Il Gamma dae't," said the Wit
arm" ''Then hold up your left" Can
ma dae that, either; got shot in the aithcr
arm, too" Then hold up your leg" re-
spOnded the irate magistrate. mo man
can be sworn in this court without hold
ing up something. Boston Globe.
An English paper tells of a real Mrs.
Darlington. She walked into the office
of the judge of probate and asked: Are
you the judge of reprobate? L am the
judge of probate was the reply. well,
that's it, l expect" quoth the lady. you
see, my husband died detested, and left
me several little infdels, and | want 10
be appointed their eXecutioner!'
Two venerable clergyman who were trav-
cling in an elevated train in this city the
other day noticed beautiful little boy,
posite them with his mother ''Ah. me-"
exclaimed one of them, will we ever
be as pure and innocent in the next world
as that dear little boy opposite?" His
companion was just going to make a
suitable reply, when the dear little boy
broke out as follows, in Il voice that could
be heard all through the car: Mamma,
if l had a pistol, I'd shoot those two
old crows across the New York
Tribune.
Some years ago, says Little Folks, it
became the duty of Il certain nobleman
to wait upon the Queen while she was in
asked his lordship to engage skilled
piper for him, the peer thought that the
Queens own piper was the best man to
consult upon the matter, and accordingly
be sought for an interview with him.
The piper Il grand sample of Il Highland
er and fine player BESIDES asked what
sort of piper was wanted, and was
told in reply, 'Oh, just one like your
self" Whereupon the naughty High
lander remarked, There are plenty lords
like yourself but very few sic pipers as
me-"
Dr.. r. L. Patterson of Coyville, Kas.,
furnishes the Medical Journal with a
unique letter written by young man
of his acquaintance to his affinity. 1t
may be considered as thoroughly up
to-date marriage proposal: My Dear
Miss E.: | hereby announce myself as
a candidte for your hand and l shall
use all fair and honorable means to Sc
cure the nomination. l know there are
many candidates il the field. and | hes
itated long before entering the race, but
now [ am in it to stay. My views i'll
love and matrimOny have often been eX-
pressed in your hearing in an emphatic
way. If you decide to confer upon me
the honor L speak of please fix a date
for a caucus with your mother. [ have
nc objection to her acting as temporary
chairman, provided it is clearly under
SLOOu lHdl ALL " Dc cIldlrudu OF the
permanent organization. Should the re-
suit of the caucus prove satisfactory
we can soon hold the primaries and Sc
lect date and place of convention,
l never believed in long campaigns, so
If you decide to honor me l will ask
you to make the convention date as
early as possible. Devotedly yours ETC."
The following telegram answered: eau
Gus unnecessary, nomination unanimous;
come at once and fix the date of ratif-
cation"
The despair to which the army of Office
seekers in Washington was reduced DUR
ing the Presidents long vacation reminds
a correspondent Of an incident in the DO
litical career of Lew Bernard, who has
for years figured conspicuously in Demo
cratic politics in Cincinnati. 1t happened
during the last administration of Cleve-
land. Bernard, who had been at the Sen
ate end of the capitol every day for two
weeks expecting to see his name sent in
for postmaster of Cincinnati, and inter-
terested also in the appointment of
official for Clavnlap6 bod oo1o