Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1897-08-26
THE JokERs' BUDGET.

Atlanta Constitution.
THE JokERs' BUDGET.
Jests and Yarns Made and Told By Funny
Men of the press.
HIS CHOICE.
"What, in your opinion, is the most
pleasing decoration for wheel:"
"A pretty woman"
COSTLY EXPERIENCE.
$50 you broke the engagement, Yaw-
ply?"
Eyes, but not till after the engagement
broke me.'
DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT.
Mrs. Scareface-Why, General, | didn't
think you would remember me. What
memory you have for faces!
Gen. Blunt-Madam, yours is face
one could never forget
A TRUE LIKENESS.
Miss Cawstic-''Don't you think mon
keys are cute?"
Blowdust-"Naw,th they remind me too
much of some people"
Miss Cawstic-''O, you shouldn't be so
sensitive"
PHYsIoaNoMIcAL-
1.-The face" said the oracular boarder,
''is an exact index to the mind"
mot an exact one," said the Cheerful
Idiot. '.For instance when a man has
his temper ruffed his brows are knit"
A SUGGESTION.
Mother-What would poor mamma do
without her boy if he went away?
Her Boy-You could whip Fido when
you were cross and just pretend it was
me, couldn't you?
EASY TO CURE.
The Wife-Doctor can you do any
thing for my husband1
Doctor-What seems to be the matter?
The Worrying about money.
Doctor Oh, | can relieve him of that
all right.
THE LIMIT FOUND.
"There," said the man of schemes 'is
limit TO the federation of the public"
"And you found it,"
L L
started out with lecture on How | In
tend to Find the North Pole"
PLEASURES OF THE IMAGINATION.
'Mrs Stebbins is the meanest woman
on earth"
'sWhat has she done now:"
''She gave her Ii tie boy slice of bread
and butter, aud told him to go out and
sit where he could smell the black berry
lam Mrs. Perkins was making"
EASILY ooMPREHENDED.
American Boy" Papa, what's an alb
solute monarchy"
Papa-'A country ruled by king
whose authority is unlimited! His word
is law, and the people must do his bid
ding Do you understand"
political boss"
CoNsoLAToRY THOUGHT.
Professor edisgustedly)-Its hard to
get any knowledge into your head, your
skulls so thick.
Pupl-But remember. Professor, for
the same reason it will be hard for the
knowledge to ever get out.
GREAT DISADVANTAGE.
81 suppose" remarked the sarcastic
housewife, ''that in the course of time
ice will be worth as much as diamonds"
SWELL" replied the iceman, reflective
ly, diamonds are pretty good in their
way, but you can't rely on their melting
down so as to keep up steady demand"
HOW HE GOT AROUND IT
Chalumeau has just returned from a
fishing expedition.
WELL" his friends ask him, ''did you
catch .anything?"
II missed my twelfth fish, answers
Chalumeau, who thus spares himself the
humiliation of telling that he missed his
first as well.
THE MODERN MUSICALE.
Young lady-You are wonderful
master of the piano, | hear.
Professor Won Spieler (hired for the oc-
casion)-I blay aggompaniments ZONE
times.
Young lady-Accompaniments to sing
ing?
Professor Won Spieler-Aggompani-
ments to conversations.
Wallace -Hargreaves had the inn
pudence to accuse you of laughing at
your own jokes, but l called him down
all right.
Felry-That was very kind of you
oh. by the way, what did you say to him?
II told him that they were not your
own jokes at ALL"
LEGAL LORE.
swell, proceed" said the lawyer.
The plaintiff resorted to an ingenius
use OF circumstantial evidence" said the
Witness
For the benefit of the jury state in
palmer language exactly what you mean
by that" interrupted the Judge.
"Well, my meaning is-that he lied! !"
PurnIe BI1e Orchid