The Monitor-register., 1897-09-03

oO bLbu 5IlOuioob AhOOA ~ hoAhAAA =
dawn
That God may give thee daily care,
Assured that He no load too great
Will make thee bear.
A LITTLE FUN.
Pained.-Patient-Vot? Two dollars
for takin' oud dem teeth?
Dentist. Two dollars if you take gas.
Patieht-Young man, l fought you
vos a dentist. l didn't know you vos a
gas gombany. Puck
x*x
Marriage as a Defensive Art.-"Two
dozen old maids up in Kansas have
organized a brass band. AS soon as one
maries she has to resign"
They'll have no trouble in getting
after their first appearence.'-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
+
Varied Methodist suppose" said
the young with the inquiring
mind, ''that most people who go in search
of gold get it by working the creeks and
chasms."
"Mostly MISS" replied Derringer Pete,
though once in a while some fellow gifts
a lot of it by working a bluff. ~ Wash
Star.
Jack-Miss Oldgirl visited every resort
the Atlantic Coast in search of q
wealthy husband.
Kitty-Yes, and then married that
poor drygoods clerk, Charley Hopper, at
Atlantic City.
Jack-What else could she do? 1t was
her last resort.-Up to Date.
Nv
From Two Points of View.-Papa-
You saw that big boy whipping the little
ore, and you didn't interfere9 Suppose
you had been that little boy?
Bobby did think of that, an was
goin' to part EN-; bnt then l happened to
think, s'pose l was the big boy? So 1
left 'em alone.-Puck.
4*x
Bobby-How many brothers and sisters
have you gotP
Majorie-Ain't got any.
Bobby-Why-why, say who do you
blame things onto?-Ttoinkles
Nv
M Moptoron UNHh;oL
sins of omission or commission?"
Mr.. Esplanade Ga creditor of Mr.. Mon.
torey's)-"Sins of owe mission, of
course ."-PH3s6urg Chronicle Telegraph
So
Mrs. Bangs-It seems to me that Mrs.
Fardle is putting on a great many airs
lately.
Mrs. Fsngs-Oh well; l wouldn't
blame the poor thing-it's about all she
can afford to put on Richmond Dispatch.
~
"They tell me Van Wither is very weak
since his last sickness"
"He is. l saw him on the street inst
now and asked him for a flyer, but be
couldn't stand a loan."-O Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune.
Nv
Women's Way-"So, after they had
fought for her, she married the QUE who
1t whipped, did sheP'
Eyes. She reasoned that a man who
would Gght a man who could whip him
must be drawer thai a man who fought a
man he could whip - Cincinnati En-
quirer.
In Lexington, KY, a negro girl wa
arrested for carrying a razor in her hair.
"What were you doing with that
r~azor?" asked the Recorder.
Il warn't doin' nuthini wild it when de,
kotched me-" she said. ~ wuz Jest a.
lookin' fer a lady dat l didn't like!"-
atlanta Constitution.
~
Mrs. Smith-Briget, l told you to ge
ham for dinner. and you got the steak.
Bridget-Shure. Oh never eat ham,
Fail RiUer Eoening Neas.
*~x
"Rather curious that both the melol
and this beefsteak should be the produc
of a %vine," casually observed Lake From
at breakfast.
"Beefsteak from a vineP" growled tn
dyspeptio.
Yes" was the cheerful reply. "fron
a bovine" Chautauqua Assembly Her
aid.
.*
What Was Required.-''So, you are tn
music teacher that answered my adver
tisement?"
"Yes, SIR"
well, sit down here aud play a couple
of duets, so l can see what you can do.''
- AnSWers,
1.-THE trouble with your wife, Mr.
Spudds," said the physician, "is lack of
exercise"
"What can l do for it?"
Il would put in a telephone, and then sbt
will be kept busy delivering messages
for the neighborhood."-Life
NV
How far is it from here to Brush
5urg?" asked a tourist of an old fellow
who was hoeing weeds in the field Of
sickly corn "down South"
rs it far9" "Waal, it hain't so very
fer nor it hain't so very nigh. If you 60
round by the big road it's ferdsr nor it is
nigh, but if yon cut acrost country It'll
higher nor it is for, an if you keep right
straight ahead it's kinder betwixt nigh
an fer, but it's considerable of a ja'nt
from hyar no matter how you git thar"
-Harper's Bazaar.
"As if a brick were lying in my
stomach" is the description by a dys
peptio of his feeling after eating.
This is one of the commonest symp
toms of indigestion. If you have it, take
Shaker Digestive Cordial.
Not only this symptom, but all thu
symptoms of indigestion are cured BY