, 1897-03-22
A MISERABLE WIFE.

YES, professor, l am afraid 1 shall
have to rent or sell tie farm; nv wife
Is so miserable. l cannot carry it on
without hiring, and hiring eats up all
the profits
l looked at the speaker admirinclv.
lie was about so years old, and a$ TO-
bust as IL man of 50. His whiskcrS were
neatly trimmed, showing a full, red
check. He wore Il jaunty hat and natty
cutaway coat, and below his vest hung
single fob and heavy gold seal. l was
proud of him. He was such Il perfect
specimen Of a New York gentleman
from the rural districts that | wanted
to imprint his picture on my memory.
80 your wife is m~iseruIIc:"
Yes. Kinder dropping, with q dry
cough and no ambition. She just kinder
drags around the house and looks 50
peaked and scrawny it gives me the
blues. 1t does, | swan"
Naturally weakly, wasn't shc?"
"She! Oh, no. When l married her,
she was the smartest girl on the creek.
She used to work for my father, and
the way she made the work stand around
took my eye. She was Il poor girl and
her industry got her 4 rich husband"
Here he took out Il gold watch. looked
mt the time. put it back ana adjusted
the silk fob on the front of his nicely
fitting trousers.
80 she did well, getting married on
account of her industry"
'Nby Of CtIrs, Gbn v-,c ,rDt,i,r
only -. so Il week, and she became mis-
tress Of Il farm"
Excuse me, but how much are you
worth overwhelmingly, ,ou know?
l am Il scientific man and will never
use such facts 80 your injury with the
assessor"
well, professor, | could crowd 500
600 pretty h,rd."
THAT is good. How long have YOU
been marricc:'
Thirty years next Fourth of July.
We went down to Albany Of, IA little
teetcr, and | proposed tho match and
Jane was willing"
How much 90 You suppose you have
made III these 50 YEAR,"
"Hum-U.n-lemme see. | got the
Davis farm the first ten ycars, then |
run i'll debt for the Simmons place, got
Har prices for my cheese aul squared
up both places. Well, | think l have
cleared up $50, coo since we sDliced."
Very good indeed. And your wife
has been Il great help all this timc::"
"Oh, you bet! She was Il RATHER!
She took care of her baby and the milk
from 20 ows | tell you she made the
tinwaro flop! Why. we have had four
children, and she never had II hired girl
over six months in that time"
splendid, and you have cleared $780,
600 i'll that tirIe:'
"Ycs, easy"
"Now, how much has your wife
made"
"she? Why, durn it, professor, she is
my wife"
81 know it. But what has she made?
You say she was poor when yon married
her Now, what has she nader
"Why, you beat all! Why, size is my
wife, and we own it all together"
do you? Then she can draw III your
bank account? Then she has Il horse and
carriage when she wants them: Then
she has n servant girl when she wants
onc? Then she rides out for her health,
and has Il watch and gold chain is You
do? Is that so?"
Professor, you must be crazy. No
body's wife is boss i'll that shape. Who
ever heard of such II thing?"
Nov, look here. You say she did
well in marrying rich, and l canntt see
it. If she was getting 81. 80 per week
when you married her and chad saved
her wages, she would have had now
$3, 800. If she had invested it, she
would have had So, 900. Now you tell
me she is broken down. used up and
miserable, and looks so badly she makes
you sick, and she has no money, no lclp
and will probably get nothing but Il
Scotch granite tombstone when she
dies"
Professor, if you was a younger
man, | would lick you quicker'n Il
spring lamb can jump a thistle"
''What for? l am stating this clse
fairly, am / rot? Your wife is no LONGER
young. She is 10 longer handsome. Der
hands are as hard us Il local editors
check, and she las stopped over Il milk
can until she has u hump on her back
like Il pcddler."
"Shut up, will you:"
"Shc has raised four children. Ole
of them is mt college. Ono is taking mt
sic lessons in Rostcn. The other two are
teaching school. She is at home alone.
going around i'll Il treadmill life which
will end III n rosewood coffin and u first
class country funeral
'Stop that, professor, will you"
"Whilc you are still IL handsome
man, with Just o.,ough gray in your
whiskers to make you look interesting.
No doubt you have been thinking of
some nico younr Girl of IS who would
jump at the chanco to marry your 30
cows and 20 acres Of hops"
professor, | won't stay here if you
don't let ~ On that"
"And your wife does not look we'll in
that new Watertown wagon, so you
take your hired man and neighbours
girls to meeting. Your wife never goes
anywhere, so'you 90 not get her Il watch
like your own, nor u new silk dress, nor
a pony that she could drive, mol a bas-
ket phaeton that she could climb into
without n ladder. She never says any
thing, so you have not got her u set Of
teeth like your own. gold and rubber.
and her nose is pushed up into her fore
head and her face wrinkles. She never
goes out. She has to work i'll the kitchen,
10 she gets no nice shoes Ike yours"
,D,,., .1;,, 70 / I.n'ff-