The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1897-09-15
SELECTED STORY.
"Tatters.''

After battling the unholy greed of the
train conductors for tickets by flash
ing an annual pass in his face, the
country editor threw his feet up on the
opposite seat and told the following
story:
"Of course, l didn't escape being a
victim of the rage for woman's edi.
tions' which swept over the land a few
months CO.. The ladies of a local So
ciety descended upon me and l sur
rendered, took two pipes, a pound of
smoking tobacco and a %ishing-rod and
decamped, leaving the Budget in their
charge for one week, with the privi-
lege Of making all they could out of it.
My printer was supposed to stay, but,
being by classification a tramp, and
having a heavy board bill hanging over
his head by a single hair, he embraced
the opportunity, two hours after l had
gone, to walk away down the railroad
track. This left the mechanical end
of the Office at the mercy OF the DEVIL
an inky imp called sTatters.' The Ia
dies were a good deal disturbed at the
detection of the printer, but bravely
decided to 60 ahead with Tatters and
get out the paper. They called him
In to give him some instructions. He
stood before them wearing, as usual,
a long apron stiff with ink, paste and
unknown substances; the only thing
which saved his face from being in
the same condition as his apron was
the fact that he was in the habit OF
constantly twisting it into 80 many
shapes that the ink, paste and unknown
substances on it never had time to
stiffen. His hair pointed in all direc-
tions, like that Of q jack-in-the.box.
and in his left hand he carried a Sec
ton of q column of wet type.
w are you doing, Tatters"' in
uuired the lady who was president OF
the amelioration society, with some dig
1tThrowin' in answered the imp.
Throwing in what"
"tType.'
"'Into what?'
"'The case. Think l was throwin'
it into my hatP'
"The lady looked at him coldly and
he went on.
WBut Pm most through and you'll
hear me hollerin' for copy in bout a
quarter of an hour and he retreated
into the composing-room and slammed
the door.
"The ladies were indignant, but there
was clearly nothing for them to do but
to grin and bear it. A few minutes
later there came a most dismal, long
drawn wall from the other room, which,
after some effort, they managed to in
terpret as the promised 'hollerin'.' 1t
was followed by the appearance OF Tat
ters' head at the door.
what is it2" asked the president,
who had been chosen editor-in-chief, a
little sharply.
"sCopyP returned Tatters. Did
you think 1 was singing the doxology?'
"'There is no copy ready yet. Can't
you be doing something else?'
"sI can thatl' and he snatched off
his apron and started for the door. Il
can be going fishing just as easy as
not
"'Tattersl' cried the frightened
editor, %springing before the door,
don't ye dare to desert usl You stay
here until some copy is ready for you
"Tatters retreated and put on his
apron in an agitated frame of mind.
ga moment later one of the younger
ladies', who had been appointed manag-
ing editor, took a roll of dainty writ
ten manuscript from her handbag and
said:
"'Here, Tatters, is something which
you can begin on"
SKATERS took it, shifted, glanced at it
and said:
"'Wha is %it-spring poetry?'
"'No, it's that essay | read at COM
mencement. We shall put it on the
fourth page
"'Whatl the editorial pager Shrek
ed Tatters. Put such CUFF as that on
the editorial page of the Budget Not
much and he tossed the manuscript on
the table.
"'We shall certainly do as we see
fit i%nterposed the editor-in-chief with
great dignity.
Il resign!' cried Tatters, again tear
ing off his apron and throwing it be-
hind him, where it struck in the city
EDITORS lap, greatly to her dismay. Il
resign my posish, that's all, Here, it
you want it in ink, gimme a pen. Lem
me write it out in black N white
"Dear Madam: I hereby resign my
posish. (Signed) Tatters." Gimme a
pen, l sayl"
"fTattars, be calm-act reasonable,
said the editor-in-chief in a soothing
tone. what shall we put on the edito-
rial pager
Editorials, of course he answered,
slightly Modified.
"'On what subject?'
"'Tariff m the currency
"'But we don't know anything about
the tariff and the currency
"'Neither does the boss, but he
writes two columns bout 'em every
week. But if you can't do it write
about Bikes
"This struck the ladies favorably,
and one of them began writing an ar
ticle on the bicycle craze, while the
city editor handed Tatters an item,
which he took, w~rinkling up his nose
end remarking that her question