The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1897-01-21

ing the devil with fire is like drowning
q fish or showing contempt for Ken
lucky colonel by giving him drink Of
whiskey.
A Virginia woman named Susan
Smith has been elected sheriff, If she
is going to carry pistol it will be safer
for the citizens of that community to be
inside the Jail than out
In New York last year the deaths
numbered Al, 652, decrease from the
previous year of nearly 1000, Probably
that tough city has discovered a kind
Of knock out drops that prevents its
victims from dying in the house.
The Emperor of Japan, it is said,
grinds out poetry by the yard. His
majesty is probably trying to prevent
foreign emigration to that country.
An exchange announces that Irving's
Sleepy Hollow will have a trolley line
next spring. Penetrating the land of
slumber with a trolley is not entirely
an experiment as street cars have been
operated in Philadelphia for some time.
~
There is an oyster shell on exhibition
at Portland, Me-, that weighs 1853
pounds. 1t was not discovered in the
soup at church fair.
The "black plague" has smitten
India and thirty legislatures are in
session in the United States, to say
nothing of congress and the prospect
of eight" between Corbett and Fitz-
simmons.
Statistics show that there are more
horses used in Massachusetts since the
advent of the trolley car and bicycle
than before. They are used now in
hearses and carriages in funeral pro-
cessions.
~
From the Shutdown Simeon,
A young lady writes us and asks why
editors are prone to drink. We answer
her by publishing below the opening
stanza of 100 line poem submitted by
o constant reader" last week
Them two little red and white roses that is
there
A blooming in the sunshine and the dew,
Since they have came so beautiful and fair
l think and dream more ofterer of you.
An old bachelor writes us to know il
hair dye is injurious to ones mind
We are very sorry, but so far as oul
observations extend brains and hail
dye have never got together.
A regular barber set up a shop here
last week and the women have or
ganized sewing circle. We cal
escape the barber by doing our owl
shaving, but our wife is president O.
the circle.
The widow of the late Col. William
Fulliver came into the office yesterday
with lot of good things some one had
discovered in the colonel after his
demise and paid us sic dollars to pub
fish them. We set a high figure OF
Bills obituary, but the widow said she
was glad to publish it any price.
A dago came into the office las
Thursday and we tried for half an houl
to tell him that we had no money Of
work for him, but he pretended not tt
understand. At last we kicked hin
down the back stairs and through the
alley. He understood this better thar
, he did the English language.
In future we hope that those of oul
patrons who write us for information
and enclose stamp for reply, will direc
their letters to the editor privately
Last week one come addressed simply
to the paper and the printer, who
thought he was the individual wanted
opened the letter, took out the STAMP
and skipped
A contemporary says that we have
} no claim to the title "colonel," as VIZ
have had no experience in warfare
This is not only an insult to the mem
J DRY of the Southern Confederacy, bu
! to our wife who is still keeping up thu
war.
We have proposition from Col Alb,
Goodman who says that he will trad,
his whiskey distillery for our paper
: provided we will run the paper and lie
, him operate the still. What does h
i, imagine we would want to monkey will
the paper for if we had stillhouse.
Rev. Skinem preached such a power
full sermon on the heather last Sunda,
: that our contemporary threw his offic
into the river and has gone as a mission
airy to the foreign field. We are n
e longer an infdel,
-
1t Would Take Barrels.
= Col. George Absalom Ross, day an
n night editor of the Shutdown Simeon
T, will please take detachment of quart
Q and hints hnsten To the nrnvincn {