Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1897-09-08
DAN N|TER6.
By OPIE READ.
Copyright. 1897, by the Author.1
CHAPTER Z

copyright. 1897, by the Author.]
CHAPTER l.
Dan Miters was especially drunk. By
this l mean that any other man in the
village of Cane Hill might have been
drunk--and indeed other men of that
respectable community had been known
to indulge too heartily in drink-but
that Dan Miters, being the acknowledged
drakIard Of the place, was especially
and particularly intoxicated He was
man of acknowledged sense. He had,
gossip said, as prelude to some dis
paraging statement concerning his weak
ness, carried off the honors at we'll
known school. One thing was certain
he expressed himself in better language
than even the county judge could hope
to employ. And this, at Cane Hill, was
regarded as convincing assertion of a
higher education.
Dan had first come to the village as
the agent of a nursery-not that sort of
nursery which would disprove the dec
laration that marriage, among the poor
at least, is failure to perpetuate hui
man misery, but as the agent of a com
pany which had fruit trees for sale. He
did not thoroughly succeed in running
the gantlet Of village curiosity, for vii
layers are critical of appearances, and a
lazy lounger who sits all day at the
store while his wife is taking i'll wash
ing-the utterly worthless fellow who
would rather wallow in the mire with
black falsehood than to recline on
velvet couch with a bright truth; who
wears filthy shirt and one "bedtick"
suspender; who chews charity tobacco
and spits at knothole, which he thinks
by the right of his own yellow slime he
has pre- empted-that fellow will criti-
else the clothes and facial expression of
a stranger.
Dan was criticised not only by the
worthless loafer, but by the merchant
and even by the faded woman who had
slipped in to exchange few eggs for
small piece Of calico They declared
that Dan s hair was too red and that
there were too many freckles on his face,
and it was agreed that he did not dress
as a gentleman should. The worthless
loafer squirted at his pre-empted knot
hole and remarked:
"Now you're gittin right down to the
squar' facts"
That was long time ago. Dan was
absorbed into the community's social
system and became celebrated as the vii
lage drunkard. Previous to his achieve
ment of this distinction, the fame had
belonged to one Peter B. Rush, and it
appeared that he could never be robbed
of the reputation which he had labori-
ously acquired, but after few years of
close contest Peter B. Rush's warmest
admirers were forced to acknowledge
that the palm belonged to Dan Miters.
What handy man was Miters when a
comparison was needed! What an en-
couragement to innovation! A man in
speaking of some one who was stupidity
influenced by liquor was no longer un
der the necessity of saying that he was
as drunk as the disreputable canine as
sociate of the fiddler, but simply fulfilled
all demands by affirming that he was as
drunk as Dan Miters.
Seriously-and unfortunately we arr
all compelled to be serious at times
the man of 30 whose education had not
was az ~ q hoPNiSsc Ndf
abond, with every hope trampled into
the mud away down the road behind
him. He did odd jobs. cleaned out eel
, lars and cut firewood for scolding
women.
One day, when he appeared to be SO
berer than usual, the mayor of the viii
lage thus addressed him:
Dan. / would like to know some
thing about your life. !"
"And /, SIR Dan replied, would
like to know something about my
death.
"You are funny fellow, Dam
"No doubt of it, sir. A corpse has
been known to grin.
"Come, don't talk that way. You
have been here now about 90 years, and
none of us knows where you were born. +"