The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1897-07-18
CHAPTER XIII.


suspected that those clearly enunciat-
ed opinions of hers bore any special
stress upon my life. She never dreamt
that in upholding her side Of the argu-
ment against Allan she was clipping
all the fair buds Of promise from my
tree of happiness. 1 might have sought
&c combat her scruples; 1 might have
antagonized her principles; 1 might
have held my peace until she and AL
Ian were safely married, and then,
when her protest could have availed
nothing, 1 might have carried out my
plans and so have secured my own sat
isfaction.
Yes, I might have done any of these
things, 1t is true; or no. not I-some
other woman and mother, less guilty
o. past misconduct towards her child,
might have given her own peace of
mind pre-eminence over that of her
daughter, perhaps. AS for me, 1 was
burdened with a weight Of offence
against Lisa, the child had in infancy
deserted, and I could not afford in
honor to indulge myself further at her
expense. Rather, should gladly seize
upon any opportunity of self-sacrifice
cation.
And so gave no hint Of what I suf-
fered. JEANNE knew. No efforts Of
mine, however great, could miSlead her
intuitions where am concerned. The
instinct of the ferret for his prey is
no surer or keener than are her per-
Ceptions of my Utmost feelings. And
she has that rare faculty of disinte-
grating the mysterious or perplexing
and reducing it to a simple fact, which
amounts almost to divination.
Her tenderness to me in those first
dreary days when I was trying to
grow accustomed to the changed aspect
of my life, and endeavoring to over
come the hideousness Of a blank flu
ture by painting upon its stripped and
naked surface bright and glowing
prospects from anOther's experience
her consideration for me in those dark
hours was surprising. She OWNED. l
am sure, the instant her practiSed eye
fell upon me after that narrowing or
deal, that trouble had befallen me, and
though it was her custom to watch
my physical welfare as if I had been
an infant and she my nurse, yet, when
fore the fire on my hearth, watching
with my dead hopes, she urged no re-
monstrance, nor troubled me with word
of any kind. Only, from time to time,
as the hours wore on, little flannel,
draped form would steal like grey
shadow through the doorway, and qui-
city and in silence replenish the wan
ing fire. Once she threw a soft shawl
about my knees, and 1 felt as If the
mother I had never known had mutely
comforted me.
She spared me all attempts to probe
my misery, but received those occa-
sional hints of sore distress which be-
fore her alone I felt free to give way
to, without question or remark. AS the
days passed and Richard came no
more, she made no comment upon his
absence, nor specialized upon the cause
of his detection. She took all things
for granted, calmly, considerably and
impersOnally. She was of such price
less value to me that, had 1 rendered
her twenty times the benefits for
which she held herself bound to me- in
those black hours of my despair she
would have amply requited me by her
loving ministrations.
1t was Lisa who, in her utter uncon-
to my chaplet. She had conceived
a strong liking and warm admiration
for Allans father, and resented and
bitterly deplored the fact that his Wis
its to US had ceased.
Why do you think he doesn't come
any more, mother dear?" she would
say. He used to seem so happy with
us all. Why don't you write and tell
him how much we miss him?"
Or again:
Mother, Allan asked his father yes
terday why he doesn't come to see
20 us any more" To which, some sign Of
interest on my part being obviously
expected. managed to say, composed
ly enough: "Ah! and he replied ="
He asked if we spoke of his absence
and If you had expressed a wish to
see him again. Why don't you send
him a message? It used to be so pleas
ant having the four Of US together"
And I would make shift to put her
off with some reasonable subterfuge,
which would satisfy her without
awaking her suspicious. For I knew
that if ever she should discover the
fact that love existed between me and
man whose wife yet lived, that
slowly filial regard and
affection of hers would perish in an
instant. Deeply and passionately as I
loved her, there were in the child many
OF those traits which, in the father
had so repealed me. While we adored
each other, and still continue to do
so, we can never be wholly syn1pa-
thetic and congenial. She is principle
l am temperament. While we might
supplement each others natures. we
could never make a harmonious in
terchange of characteristics Emotion
comes after intellect with her; it we'll
nigh rules me.
1 think that Allan had an idea. Of
how matters stood between Richard
and me. and that he was grateful for
the cessation Of his fathers visits.
The gulf between himself and his
mother had grown very wide, too wide,
l think, ever again to be bridged, and |
was aware that he had left home and
had established himself in bachelors
apartments Sometimes I imagined
that this step on his part had driven
his mohter to throw off that thin veil
of decency in which she had hitherto
sufficiently shrouded her conduct to
permit Of its passing muster among
not very exacting set, and that now.
acknowledging no reason for further
clothing her tendencies and actions
she allowed them to stand forth in
all their revolving nakedness for what
they were, the ibertinage of a natural
Courtesan.
That she had loved the lad as dear
~ as she was capable of loving any
tnlng, L was certain. / am equally
CONVINCED that mothers love, once
kindled, never dies. I felt that the
boys voluntary withdrawal from her
would hurt her keenly, and I could
understand that the loss of his respect
and affection would sweep aWay the
last shred Of her self-restraint
l missed my vocation now terribly.