davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
she Fell Up with n Mind Reader.

From The Chicago Daily Tribune.
She stood at the window OF the Illinois general
ticket office and compared her time with that OF
the depot clock.
"You'rc too fast" she said to tho ticket agent.
According to that clock my train would be
gone ten minutes"
(which is your train r asked the man.
THE 1913"
"Ncs. it's gone. 1t is now 1925"
You mean that your time is 1925. Now, my
watch never was wrong since | owned it. and it
is just 1913. I've lost IA minute looking for the
train. rs too bad that things should be run in
that way"
We run all trains on schedule time" said the
ticket agent.
Il should think there would be collisions and
You might SGT your clock by my watch il you
like and start your next train on the right time. -
Thc man smiled good.naturedly, and then, as
a sudden thought struck him., asked:
lis YOUR watch going r.
"Sir! You don't think I carry a dumb watch.
''SOmetimes ladies' watches run down"
She put the watch to her ear and looked very
grave. Then she tried the other ear.
Il bell We my cold has made me deaf. But
you can hear for YOURSELF
He listened and shook his head. Then he
handed il back TO her.
Its ms dead as n door nail. You must have
forgotten to wind 1t last night"
You must be a mind rnrder." said tho wo-
man, holding tho delinquent. timeuiecc 10 her
ear as il the charge against il had not been fully
proven. Il took that watch of TO wind it last
night when the fire engines went past our house.
and | forgot all about il. i shouldn't wonder II
your time is right after all" And she walked
chccrfully away. while the ticket man said 10 q
waiting customer that life would be "a dull,
dreary Sahara of commerce II such little diver
sions didn't happen frequently.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
MARX rwa.n and the rr.enal, Composition.

From The Chicago Times. Herald.
1t Is a Denver newspaper tradition that the
funniest bit OF journalistic work ever done by
Mark Twain was strangled b. a too friendly
proofrcader. Mark was given an assignment to
write up the opening OF u saloon-Qu.te a note
worthy event in those days in the Colorado
town.
He thought it would be funny to make his ac-
count OF the festivities bear silent witness TO the
potency OF the free refreshments dispensed. The
article began snNcrly enough. hut soon the die
ton became misty, then the spelling grew con-
fused, and finally the whole hing dcrcncratcd
into n maudliH, incohcrent culogy of the saloon
keeper.
It was funny. Mark read it over and laughed
until he cried. But the next morning when he
work. In an obscure corner he saw n twO-linc
Item stating that the -Alcazar saloon was
opened witt, appropriate festivities last night.
That was all.
He rushed down TO the Office and inquired
about his article. The managing editor knew
nothing about il. The city editor couldn't tell
whit had become OF it. The foreman said he
hadn't seen it.
As Mark was snoring about the "ontrage,"
and was running about the office trying 10 get
nudged him aud said cUnidentiul!y: You owe
me u cigar"
How is that r. inquired the humorist.
I've. earned it, was he reu'y. - saved
know how the old man hero feels about such
things. but he won't have i II he finds ii out.
Hes tired three men since I've been hcrc-just
that way
WHY. lust ~ ynu were last night, You know.
Your. stuff wouldn't do AT all. II was simply
awful. KNEW II The old nan saw 1t you We're
gone. so fixed IL up mysulL."
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
The story or u Capture.


from INC Dftroit free irsSS.
III hadn't seen 1t with my own eyes" said
the old forty-n!nor. Il wouldn't be II tellin' 1t.
In our camp wo had got kinder civcrlized and
unless a Teller was strung up immediate fur
Hftin' dust what didn't belong ter him. or ridin'
off with a hoss not havin' title ter tn same, we
locked him up and held him fur a fair trial. We
had reGlcr officers an guards an the convicts
bad ter work gettin' in wood an cleanin' up
round camp.
One fina-lookin' Teller came IN there with his
wife, an she war finer lookin' nor he was. |
never knowcd yet whether he done II or not, but
II war charged hat he was caught Crgwlin' out
from n tent with his partners swag. We caught
him an put him inter tn wOrkin' gang til tho
Gran Jury could set on HIM. He had a mighty
fine boss that q lot OF us wanted ter buy, hut his
wi o : wouldn't sell an took care OF him as good
as Il man could do.
"On "A Saturday night that tcllor broke guard.
While vi was chtsiu' round IL Chinerman
Motorized US IA how tn man was at home with
his wife. They must have hecrd us comm, fur
there was n rush frum IN back door. there was
as purity n spring inter III saddle as you ever
see an all Of us went clatlcrin' after III big boss
while his rider waved "A hat an Knocked at us.
We tolicrcd fer miles, drUppin' out one by one
till me an tn Sheriff had IN trail. We could
change hOsscs. but fur ten hours that there big
black kept III road an showed us mis- heels.
Then his rider iist CoOlly got or and set down
on - log ter wall fur MS. We gallOpcd up with
guns in both hans an ordered i surrender.
Durn me II /; wasn't tn purity woman an we
never see either OF EN- again"
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
Interested at Last.
From the Washington POsi.

From The Washington JOsi.
He was a stranger in Washington, may bo an
Office seeker, but evidently n stranger. A good
friend had him in tow and was showing him all
the sights OF tho town. They were on Pcnnsyl.
vania avenue, Just across from the White House,
and the kind friend was using his umbrella very
much as the village schOolmRster uses a pointer
10 denote the figures ~ an example upon the
blackboard. The umbrella turned in the air
Ike Il weather vanc, ana was indicating the
White House when Tho friend said:
Now, lhl' Is the White House, whero Presi.
denl Mckinley lives"
$50 that's The White House, il II That's
where Mckinley lives, I'll r.
That. The very place
"Neli, | swan!'
Ti,r umbrella swaycd aro.Ed to the north.
"S.e that church over tho:cl That's where
the Dig men worship.
docs Mckinley 90 there T.
No..
well, I don't want 10 see II then"
The umbrella swcrvcd tO.thc northeast.
"SCe that big building thuyci That's one OF
the finest theatres In MashingLun."
does Mckinney 20 there T.
"tHn'i say that he does
"Well. | don't believe | care to. mother"
Now hat hotel up there has one Of the finest
bars you ever saw. Like To go there r.
"IOcs
MP"
wen, i don't believe I'd like to Hold on.
Didn't you ask mo 10 so there with your
Il did"
"on second thought 1 accept your Invitation.
But ~ for these other places" with q cOmDre-
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
~ TRorBIE ron HIS HONESTY.
The Negative Howard OF Virtue In the big
windy city by the Lake.

From me- Chicago Times. Herald
"A queer thing happened to me" said Bailey,
lighting Il fresh cigar. at was only one OF those
incidents of street travel that might happen to
any one, but annoying from the misconstruction
put upon It,"
Let's hear IT," said the other fellows. making
themselves comfortable.
Il was riding on the electric" said Bailey,
land in the seat opposite was a pretty girl"
oh. you consider yourself a judge /" remarked
one OF the crowd.
II certainly 10. And | let her see that I APP
preciatcd her good looks. But my admiration
made no impression. The young woman busted
herself in getting her fare ready. and l watched
her ~ she deity extracted n dime from her poe
kethook and held I on he palm OF u pretty hand,
You were hit hard, Bailey"
Then ] thought me OF my own fare. and rs |
vas hoidhmS = nswsrnpcr in my hann / rose md
conductor zane along and ] handed IL TO him
just as my vis-a-vis said:
"'WhHt has become o: my 10 cents
There she sat staring at her hand. which was
no longer occupied by the piece OF silver. We
AL booked Tor it.: 6ni 1t had dts"ppeafed' and
AT that moment | slipped my hand into my over
coat pocket and 'ound there The lo-cent piece.
How could you identify itf" asked one Of
never carry money in an outside pocke:.
Beside, II had not been there a moment before;
No: ] knew how 1t hlppcncd. Ny paper had
whisked 1t from her hand. aud it had dropped
from it TO my poGket; as eSplaiHnrd to her"
"Boys >, cant tell you ali she snid. Please
don't ask me. She remarked that no one could
Judge by. appearances. and she hoped it was my
been hardened | would not have returned it 10
her. but That probably ! saw that she suspected
other seats were suying me. But you can bet
your bottom dollar J never find any wolnan's
money and return i. TO her again. Not much,
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
TIE MAID AND THE DONNIE.
IAe Thought lie Was Doing Her n Favor and
she Didn't Sndecelye Him.

From the 50. Louis Globe. Democrat.
She was a most modest-appearing girl, and as
prct:" as n girl wei! could be. Her great blue
eyes looked out from under her rev Easter
bonnet in a way liable to bewltch any man. She
came into the Union Station yesterday after
noon and slowly descended the stops, apparently
IN her direction. In her arms were many bum
dies. all OF them small. but OF such odd shapes
that they were difficult to carry.
As the young woman took her foot from the
last step 0f the long stairway a look OF pcrplcx-
ity fitted acros, her face. Then, as she started
TO cross the waiting room. those who were
watching her saw something on the floor. where
she had dropped il. A dozen men started Tor
ward 10 pick IL up. saw what II was, and then
manuNUVrcd no thar II would appear as il they
had not noticed II. The young lady, aware Of
lrr loss. kept straight Oh, and never looked be-.
hind her.
but there was one man there who had seen
the article fall anu he went alter IL. iLC wore
the straight collar and peculiar Sarh Of the CleT-
Ky, while g.asst5 lOld of thai Inust embarrassing
OF Affections, near-s!ghtcdno,s kuuuinE quickly
To the little object that lay 80 h Irm!essly upon
the floor, he picked Il up aud h%asicuci after her.
He touched her on the arm, and, liltlng his hat.
he said; IL hcg your pardon, my dear young
lady, but you dropped your-"
1t waSthcu thai lac = ~ for the ilrst time what
he had picked up, He WAS holding the little
band Of BLACK with u red bow on II Ia full view
OF those who were in the waiting room, and he
didSpOI know what TO 10 with H.. The young
wUIfln's hgndE We're occupied with bundles, and
he felt IL would scarcely he right either To drop
II or put IL IN. MS pocket. For perhaps p mo-
mont he stood there Olushing, lie tried 10 speak,
some unintelliglhle .sylLables, In the mean time
tho girl stood SDeechloss. Frat she nuAhed and
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
NOTICE OF INTENTION
How n lawyer Escaped Paying u Fine for
Contempt or Court.

From the san Francisco Bulletin.
Judge Murphy was trying a case in San Ra.
fael once. II was a murder case. and bitterly
contested. 1t had not proceeded very far
before the attorneys got to loggcrhcads. The at
torney for the defence did his best to intimidatc
the attorney for the prosecution. and the prose-
cutting attorney retaliatcd with all his might.
Finally matters got to such n pitch that the at
torney for tho prosecution turned upon his op-
poncnt and called him down in open court.
Judge Murphy interrupted, saying:
Gentlemen, gentlemen. this won't do. This
This is no place for such exhibitions. II you
gentlemen have any differences to settle, settle
hem out of court"
The attorney for the defence Immediately rose
and said: We have no differences. II your
Honor please"
IT your Honor please. said the prosecuting
attorney. 81 wish to say that we have differ
ences. And l wish to give notice that when
S,ourt adjoqrns i intend to crack that mans
Judge Murphy exploded. How dare you,
siri How dare you I This is the grossest con-
tempt of court. How dare you come here and
The attorney replied. Thai is rather hard on
me, II your Honor please. Your Honor distinctly
suggested that l should settle my differences
with this man out of court, and l gave notice OF
my intention to do SO. That is all. l have tho
highest respect and appreciation OF your Honor's
Judgment in such matters. and i felt proud to
accept your Honor's advice"
Judge Murphy was not proof against such
%'attery, and the fine was promptly RENTED.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
Ills Very Latest.
From the PhiiiSt ne


Not long ago n citizen OF McGford was wcnG.
Ing his way homcward, lacking from this sljo
10 that, muttcring 10 himself and wondering
what Mary would sly about his condition and
the lateness of the hour. lie had reached The
square. II was midnight. hnI the citizen did
not know II, for ms he looked M ~ the clock in
the sieeplr OF The Methodist church tho dial,
seemed to rcvolvo liz u buzz saw.
lam drunk. said Ia" citizen, "drunk-to1
dam drunk TO see straight, hut II that dock
would strike I'm not 50 drunk-but what |
can COUNT
II vat down or the steps TO think It over.
just then the clock bean to strife. The mon
counted: One two three four live - SIX
cvcn-cight-ninr-lru-r' II must b, i",ru,'i
lev'n-INu, Ms twclvc!'h Twelve, Just then The
]foirtccn t'G ec!"j"dTccn c'nyc hear rhoir}-
sixteen e, Lord, but I'm full! l-scycntrcn r'T'
ell = ]eighte,n C"liuliy sIEohcs!!D- nineteen
r--m"l-twcutytwo c' N
-!!'b 80 twcpty.ihr"c- O. III
twcnty.four-"Oh, hut Mary 'ull awe It 10 me,
] was never out 80 late in my lie :"
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
KEPT HIS WORD.

hom the Chicago Record.

AtNeu On y lAhts
From the chicago Record.
A. h. Smith OF tho Burlington was talking about
railroads and railroad building, and he told OF
the most malignant bit of false pretences which
any railroad advance agent ever was guilty of.
1t was somewhere off in West Virginia, and
the man whose business 1t was to go across tho
country and win the favor OF tho residents,
SO that they would vote bonds, struck an In
tcrmountain region, and found that that
particular county was practically dominated
by an old farmer away. up the ridge. Tho
road wanted something like 100000 from tho
unto tho man of tie ridge with n request for
his assistance. The old fellow. whose name was
Senrlcs, was willing. or one condition, 10 help
out. He wanted the road to come near his own
place. C~ushmRn, tho agent, looked over the sit
tntiOn, and attcra time fomised
The. line, he said, " will run within 100
,Seorlcs said II was, and AN agreement was
signed. Then ScUrles began an advocacy of the
bond proposition. and the concession was voted
With hardly q word of opposition, but with the
=" front gate undcrst tnding.
Two years Letter Mr.. Smith happened to be
hunting in that county. and ne stopped at
upon railroads, and the old man. pointing to a
long rifle over tho maEtcl, said:
The next railroad man that comes into these
hills I'm going to shoot with that"
Mr.. smith, who had not yet disclosed his
Identity or occupation, asked for the reason.
The mountaineer told of the bonds,
agreement the bonds are invalid"
NO, they amt" tho other responded sadly.
He done Il; He run it within the prescribed
But don't see any railroad near here
Nope. fc cant. But she's here. She runs
through this hill by n tunnel, which starts a
mile away. She's inside the named distance.
but ,bcin' as | amt a ground hog or a rabbit 1
can I git direct access TO her.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
CRUISING FOR 4 FIJI sPECk.
But for This Object ON the Chart the Rescue's
Crew Would Have Got the DoubIoona.

from the noTnInV OreGonfdn.
The recent sailing OF a schooner from Victoria
bound for Cocos Island to dig up the rich
plumber supposed to be buried there has brought
out a number OF contradictory reports about tho
authenticity OF that treasure legend. the latest
story being 10 the effect that it was discovered
and carried away early In the SOS. 4 water
front man was reading this yarn in an office yes
terday, and, when he had finished, exclaimed:
That shows what great results sometimes
hinge on very small matters. know a couple
Of men who would probably have recovered all
otthat treasure If it had not been for a fy."
The Explanations of surprise and incrodulity
which greeted this remark were all the encour-
agement needed, and the veteran proceeded:
1T was along in the latter part OF 1879 that
Thomas Doig. Eric Johnson. William Masters,
ana NJ. u. Staples. who had been running an In.
dependent pilot service at the mouth OF the
the bar by the Flavel monopoly. Having no
further use for the schooner. Masters and Doi2
sailed south in hcT to do Il little discovering on
Cocos Island, and to eventually sell the vessel
in some port on the lower coast. Staples dug M
some old charts OF the Pacific. which. though i
tribe worn with age, were supposed to be aCCu-
rate and in due season the craft sailed out Of As.
toria. never to return. Cocos Island was notice
able on the map. but there was no name attached
to it. In due season: the Rescue and her fortune
hunters reached the latitude and longitude
TTherc me Isle OF riches showed ny on the map.
catch sight OF The land. bnt their search was I'M.
rewarded, and, like NOahs Ark in the song,
they 'jes KEEP q sailin'. and n saiiin'.' Every
time they would get past that spot on The map
they would double back on their tracks again,
but the island would not appear.
There Is no telling how long this state OF
affairs would have lasted. had II not been for
the discovery made by Doig one morning. Mas
tiers had the old chart spread out on the table.
and was figuring away for dear life, when DoiG
came down from the deck. He leaned over
made II scratch on the paper. COcos Island dis.
appeared, and Masters, as soon. ~ he regnined
his cOmposure. said: Well, III be burned if IL
wasn't a fly spcCk.'
This discovery disguised them so much that
they bore away for san jose de Guatemala,
where the schooner was sold. and Doig became
Admiral in the navy Mt that point, and il was
only about a year later before this other outfit
came along to COcos and dug up a schooner
load OF Spanish douhloons, showing plainly that
II II had not been for that fly Doig and Masters
would have found tn" treasure, for IL the fly had
kept of the paper they would never have sailed
without u map showing the island. and, OF
course. II they had found the island before the
treasure was taken it would have been theirs"
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
hensive sweep of his hand. 81 hope they won't
insist, upon my patronage, for | shall feel en-
joined to refuse it,"
VoIiairc'S biting wit.
From The rouih's Companion.

FROM he fOu4H companion.
The sevcrcst wit Of his time, Noltaire, was
more than once imprisoned in the Bastile for
having directed his satire against the powers
that were. His first incarceration for such an
offence was in 17l7, when he lcvclled q biting
set of verses and later a satirical composition
In Latin against :hc Regent. the Duke Of Orleans.
The justly incensed Regent ordered him TO be
taken 10 the Bas,il", but forgetting his insultcr
almost Immediately. he left the wretched Vol
taire in prison for eleven months.
When the poet was remembered and released
the generous Duke. unmindfui of anything save
the tedious Imprisonment his lampooncr had
suffered. sent for him and granted him Il pension
OF $500 a yearto soothc his wounded feelings.
No!taire acceP.ed the gift with as much witty
grace as gratitude.
"Monseign"ur, he said. Utmost humhly thank
your royal Highncss for continuing to charge
yourself with the expense OF my board, but l
beg you never again TO trouble yourself about
my lodging"
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09

A gentleman of Brooklyn, employed by great publishing house, had
suffered or three years from dyspepsia and hadit SO badly that the doctor
SAID his wasa conhrmedcas This gentleman, who was somewhat face
tous as well as dyspeptic, usedto say that he had his ticket engaged for
a passage over the Styx. He had dieted for years until his wife said he
had nearly come down to drinking dew and eating rose leaves. Nowit
happened that one day he had a characterization whchhe really wanted
to accept and he was induced to make trial of RipanS Tabues, because
he had seen their wonderful effect advertised so much. He began three
daysin advance, taking one after each meal. then he went to the dinner
and allowed himself full swing; but took two 1abules afterward. Next
morning he found himself all right and very soon a lady neighbor was
heardto ask his wife: "What havey you been doing to your husband latelyf
He is Shocking fine! " Hehad not eaten good dinner for three yearsbe-
fore that night, but now his friendly relations with turkey have been re-
sumed and in the exuberanCe Of his new liberty he cultivates pie and,
in fact, has a tendencyt to sample everything there is going.
A. Anew syen% t containing TsR rAssI MrLEsm ina f@PTm Tnt wnhoutgM hnown Ren mmo
oER mmrrn w .9Ssm m @wRnd orr smnmi mt pMS ndme @ohom@L Ore dozen
CoxrnHINo Wsprwos street, New York ora single caHonT S IABlE3w WILDE ath for Wen.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09
Inventive Genius Discouraged.

A Portland night Waterman who couldn't
see any sense in ~traipsing around the big empty
mill every hour to touch the electric buttons
fixed up an automatic arrangement on several
of them 80 that they would repeat every hour
The firm did not take kindly TO this invention
and gave the man a p,eGorneter To carry on his
the morning fOllowin the third the old man
was found asleep in the cnCinc-room. with tho
pcdornetcr 50 attached 10 the piston-rOi that
with every stroke ii registered a step. !. had
been travelling all night. and when taken Off il
registered 209 miles. There is a new Waterman
on duty now.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A few days ago q certain Clcvelander came
hurryinG into the Union depot. He glanced to
right and left and his anxious countenanco
showed relief. Then he cspicd friend and ap.
preached him..
"By George" he said, I'm glad I haven't
al her mothers and I've got a telegram 10 come
down on the first train"
\ bad news, I hope" said the friend.
"N-no,' said the first man IN q voice full OF
agitation. Then. In an embarrassed way he
hauled ont his watch. Il wonder" he added,
IF my time Is right . I've got 400"
sun :" asked the friend.
NO." replied the other absently. two girls
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09

from ~ cAlcngo Nalv EriInr.

From The chicn9o Naiiy Tribune,
An Official who accompanied one of the boats
sent by Uncle sam for the relief OF sufferers ly
the Mississippi floods nul!y describe. The ,ondi.
ton Of affairs in the South with a story Of an
Old darky Who was encountered by the relief
expedition. Uncle E9h wus in Il dilaplGutoi
considerable trouble 10 keep aroat. H. y,s
busy padding with one hand and haiinE ON, Ms
cra.i with the other when the relief huat ,airc
outs..iri. 81 \ village foH ,ui gghi h INC old man
was. oyi"cntiy trying, q" mako MS way when the
Captain Of the relief bOdt called to him:
Hello, there, Uncle! What do YOU want T.
nothing but wings, boss" was the answer,
and the old man and his skin Wese soon astern
OF the relief boat
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09

from the Chicago Daily Sers.
Disorderly conduct was the charge which confront
Ell John MahOncy when be was arraigned ct the Des.
PLANES street station.
where do you live ?'' asked the court.
"on Fifteenth street, responded the prisoner.
Well. make It SIS and costs, them said the Jus.
tlre, as he wrote the amount OF the nne opposite tho
prisoners name.
"Gosh, I'm lucky that / do not live on Flftieth
prisoners dock.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-05-09

then grow pale. Then her face seemed to indl-
cnte that she was amused at the clergymnn's
embarrassment Then. with q sweet smile, she
dropped her bundles on n seat, and. taking the
circlct, she said: "It'sso good of you. My brother
Tom would never have forgiven me IL | lost one
OF the sleevc.holdors his tianceo sent him.
And she gathered up her bundles and left