Kansas City journal., 1897-05-24
THREE GOOD STORIES.
ALL LAID IN WASHINGTON AND EACH
TELLS OF AN EN-PRESIDENT.
Harrison, Hayes and CIeveIRnd-BOb
InGersoITs Sarcastic Remark
Troublesome OfIiceSeekers
and Aliens Comparison.

and Aliens Comparison.
Senator NIason's reported disappointment
i'm failing to receive as much federal patron
age as he thinks is due him reminds me OF
story that Tom Atchison. a former law
associate Of Colonel Robert G. Iugersoll, in
New York, used to love to tell on eX-Presi-
dent Harrison. 1t seems that Senator Quay
often called at the White House during the
Harrison administration with an applica-
tion in his pocket for the appointment of
some friend and constituent of his TO an
office. InasmuCh as he had been conspic-
Gous in the campaign that elected Harri-
son, the Pennsylvania senator imagined
that his applications should always have
precedence over others and that the presi-
dent should ask no questions concerning
item He was oftener disappointed than
pleased. Finally he grew angered at the
manner of his treatment by the president,
and while in an irritable mood called al the
" hitc House. His interview with Mr. mar
riser was quite unsatisfactory. In burst
Say. Mr.. President. do you know who
"Oh. yes. Very well. indeed" replied Mr..
| Harrison. THE people cast the ballots, but
| the Great Jehovah ordained II. L owe my
| election to Him, not TO you.
Quay left in rage. He had not proceed
ell great distance down Pennsylvania ave-
nue. before he met Colonel lngersoN quay
repeated the White House conversation.
We'll, we'll" replied the great agnostc;
| 80 he claims that the Almighty elected
him, does he? Humph-well. l have ac-
cused the Almighty of a lot OF mean things
| in my life, but nothing so mean as electing
Harrison president
Hayes and Foster.
Ex-Secretary oe the Treasury Charles
| Foster was talking to mt cne day about
| rutherford B. Hayes. FoSt2r represented
| Hayes district in congress wheT Hayes was
| president. They were political and personal
| friends of almost i lifetime standing. Snd
u got plenty of patronage under Hayes.
! to be sure but for a lonx time | never land
/ ed the men in whom was most particular
and earnestly Interested. would go 10 the
! president and lay the claims o. my man
| before him He would usually acIuiesce IN
| everything that | said, because IN most
cases he knew the applicant as wen as
| did. Well. in every tnsUtlce Where some de-
! voted friend was conc -rned the president
would say: oh. well, Charlie, we VIII TX
that in day or so. I1e1 he would feacn c,l
down in a drawer. pTll Udt 4: small book
| and short stub of "a pencil and make a
| note of the man ald lis wants. l would
| then for DAYS TO come. scan with much IN
| terest the list of appointments sent to the
| senate but none that had found place IN
/ the presidents note book were to be seen
! among them. Still, didn't complain much,
/ for | knew that Hayes was doing the best
! he could. Time went on and finally L
/ called at the White House to insist that
! certain friend of mine who was then in
] Washington be instantly appointed as a
consular agent abroad. This gentleman
/ had political claims on me and also on the
| president. ! stated my case as briefly as
| possible TO the president. who listened at
/ tentively. When l had finished the presi-
WHY, certainly, Charlie. Yes, yes. to be
sure and then he dived for that book OF
his. ,
| grabbed his arm and said: Hold on there
/ general. Ill be switched II that man
| name goes in that jackass book! The pres
| ident saw the humor of 1t, and got my
| constituent appointed then and there
Allen apd Cleveland.
! "John Allen, my Joe John. that's the
! name for me-" is the first sentence of
song that is popular around Tupeio. Miss.
| Allen has represented his district in con-
| Gress for twelve years, but no one ever
| heard of his having received favors from
| President Cleveland although the funny
I man was a frequent visitor at the eNecu-
| tive mansion during the nrst adminlstra-
| ton of the man from Bunalo; DnrIhs
| Cleveland's last term Allen, who had form
! erly been a boarder at Chamberlain 8.
/ moved on Capitol hill. that he might be
] Just as far away from the occupant OF the
/ White House as possible, and live in Wash
| ington. In 1870 the congressman used 10
| trot from the capitol TO the White House
cept Sundays. He had about ten presiden-
! tial postoffices in his district that were be-
ing occupied by Republicans. He wanted
| changes made and he told the president so
| with much emphasis. Then. atter having
| delivered himself of his positive language
| he would turn around and relate 10 Cleve-
| land one of his jokes, told IN his pecular
| and inimitable way. The president SEEM
ingly enjoyed them at first but as they
| grew in abundance and length he finally
| seemed to weary of them. The first es-
arrangement was brought about in this wise;
| Now, see here Mr.. Cleveland" said
! Allen one day. this list hold in my hand
contains the names of pOstmasters down an
| my section who ought to be removed. l
| want them changed and / want them d
badly changed at that.
"Oh, you do, do you? blandly smiled the
president. Want them id badly changed.
| eh? Well. If l appointed those men You
| have recommended. the changes would be
bad. and d-d bad at that
! Allen saw the point OF the president 5 re-
marks and went away. Weeks elapsed ana
the Republicans continued 70 handle the
mails i'm his district. again the cohSrsSs- t,rsSs
man commenced his visits 10 the White
House and again and again did the presi-
| dent tire of his stories, for the reason that
| the listener. had no humor IN him, nor
| couid no tolerate those that had. Allen
| heard one day about the president being
! weary with his yarns. one morning as
| he presented himself before Dan Lamont
he was Informed that the president didn't
| care 10 see him.
Tel him" requested Allen OF Lamont.
| that he reminds me of the man VINO saw
| a coon run mp a tree. He had no meat
| at his home, and besides, he was especially
fond of coon flesh. He had neither gun nor
| ak but he was determined to get Mr..
| Coon. So up the tree he started after him.
| The coon climbed as near the top as ne
could and then crouched as near the body
of the tree as he could. As the man
climbed near Mr.. Coon commenced to
| growl.
- oh, YOU needn't growl said the man.
cause | got you n yOu'se tes growlin'
! cause you'se scared. you dad blamed ring
tailed varmint. you"
| Whether Lamont delivered the message
or not makes no difference. At all events
| the pOstOfices at Aberdeen, TupelO, Column
| bus and West Point had new postmasters
| within i month from that day.
"The Hest PHI I ever used- Is the fire.
! quent remark Of purchasers OF Carter's
Little Live pills When you try them you
| Irz-fn ssuxr Tl4a m