Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-03-03
SPINNING WHEEL.
AS IT OFTEN HAPPENS.

AS IT OFTEN HAPPENS.
We'd often warned her not to light the
fire with kerosene,
And emphasized the warning, since the
girl seemed rather green.
This morning while my wife and / en-
joyed our breakfast nap
That poor girl tried the coal oil trick"
%Without the least mishap.
A darby preacher bought mule when
baked and wouldn't go,
And how to start the animal he really
didn't know
''Why don't you twist the critters tail?"
laughed Reuben from the farm.
The pastor instantly complied and
at worked just like charm.
He took rusty musket down and thought
it wasn't loaded;
He pulled the hammer back and found the
works were quite corrOded;
He then blew down the muzzle, hard, to
see If aught was in it"
*There wasn't-so he loaded IL ia less than
half a minute
Frank S. Pixley IN Chicago Times-Herald.
A sergeant of a company of British in
fantry quartered in a Dacoit-infcsted
part of Burmah, a few years ago, was
firm believer in destiny. One evening,
when dressing, preparatory to taking
stroll in the jungle, he was noticed by
corporal, persistent opponent of the
destiny theory, to slip revolver into his
pocket. "Hello!' shouted the corporal,
what are you taking that revolver with
you for? That won't save you f your
time has come" "No," replied the SER
geant; but, you see, [ may happen to
come across a Dacoit whose last Day has
come"
He had just come off the witness stand
in a trust investigation, and his fellow
members of the monopoly were congratu-
lating him.
at must be admitted" said one, chat
you are smarter man than your cross
examiner"
"Smarterr' was the self-apprcciative
echo. why, sir, I've forgotten more
than he'll ever be able to find out
Washington Star.
Among the "reminiscences of the Van
derbilt ball, recalled by the recent Brad
ley Martin affair, is a story Of certain
fair but too plump beauty, who under
took to wear feshings at the Vanderbilt
function. She went as a Venetian lady
with the side of her gown open, reveal
ing pink limb. This might have been
well enough had she been slender and
graceful woman. but it happened that
she was not built that way She was
escorted to the ball by an Englishman,
Who as she wore an opera cloak, did not
discover this feature of her attire until
she came out of the dressing ROOM He
gazed once, and, without waiting to make
an excuse, fled. Another man. more
courageous, offered his escort to the ball
room, where the lady spent the rest of
the evening upon a sofa, busily engaged
in blushing.
Ex-Gov. Altgeld of Illinois is perhaps
as well known for his record in pardon
ing criminals as for anything else. The
story goes that a certain wit once said to
a gentleman, who accidentally committed
some breach of etiquette, requiring a
thousand pardons": Excuse me, sir:
am not Gov. Altgeld."
The Gibson girl, according to the latest
reports. is going out. Her broad brow
and parted hair are yielding to the more
piquant charms of the young woman
who has arched eyebrows and wears her
hair la Pompadour. Just what is re-
sponslbie for the change of fashion is
hard to say. Perhaps it is the pretty
young woman who served Charles Dana
Gibson as model when he was drawing
the attractive little widow who figures
IN so many of his sketches. Perhaps it
IS Consuelo, Duchess of Marlborough
whose marriage and subsequent success
in English society has set her on a pedes-
tai where she is admired and enyied by
vast majority of American girls. Per
napS-and this seems most Hkely-the
young women who were declared to be
Gibson girls few years ago have gone
off bit in looks and no longer outshine
the fresher beauty of their younger sis
ters. But. whatever the cause, the
change has come and the Gibson girl is
now passee.-Argonaut.
One of the members of the House was
arguing to Speaker Reed the other day
that we ought to recognize the independ-
ence of Cuba and send minister to
the Cuban capital. Il suppose if we
must send minister to Cuba" drawled
Mr.. Reed, ''the only way we can get
him there is to put him in a gun and fire
him over"
A Western member of Congress was
describing to Thaddeus Stevens Il GER
tain tow nship in his district, and, after
expatiating upon the fertility of its soil,
the salubrity of it's climate and the mag
niticence of it's scenery, wound up by
saying that all it wanted was plenty OF
water and good society. THAT is all
they want in hell said Mr. Stevens
ArgOnaut
The centenary Of the "stove-pipe" hat
was celebrated in Paris on January Is.
Many sartorial antiquarians scott at the
possibility Of fixing so precisely the birth
day Of a fashion, but those who decided
upon this date chose it because in Lon
don, on January Is, 1897, the advent of
that form of headgear was celebrated by
a public demonstration that nearly
amounted to a riot, and was duly chron-
icled in the papers of the next day The
adventurous worthy who precipitated this
row was one John Hetherington, haber-
dasher III the Strand. The hat he wore
was of his own devising, and was about
ten inches high, .exaggeratedly bell
shaped, and had wide, curved brim. He
stepped out of his shop on the busy