The Monitor-register., 1897-05-07

Who recently invaded Mississippi with a
work on Irrigation was only a few rods
ahead of the mob..-Chicago Times Herald
x*
ga good character is a luxury" said
the Cumminsville sage, ever glad to i'm
part information, but a good reputation
is a necessity. - Cincinnati Enquirer.
x*x
Jones-"A wire puller is usually a live
man."
Bones-"Yes, and a live-wire- puller is
usually a dead many. Y. Journal.
**x
When a boy spends all his spare time
whistling 81 want to be an angel'' it is
Just as we'll to keep the closet where the
cake is closed and locked Commercial
Ad0ertiser.
TX
Cholly-Doctor, what do you think is
the cause of this frequent rush of blood
60 my head?
DR.. Emdee-Nature; it abhors a
vacuum.-Town Topics.
x*x
"How long did it take you to learn the
~bicycle?"
"Me? 1t wasn't three days before l
could lie as fast as any of em."-h-
~dianapolis Journal.
Nv
"Above ALL" said the throat specialist,
''the lady must talk as little as possible"
doctor" eagerly asked Mrs. Graymair's
husband, ''is there any hope of it be-
coming chronic?''-T1 Bits.
N.Y.
"Why don't you work." asked the ap-
preached.
"That's what Pm trying to DO now"
replied the mendicant, absently.-PhiLa-
delphiG North american.
~
Becker-"I see by the posters that
Footlights, the tragedian, travels under
his wife's management"
Decker-"So do most men, only they
uOu u duN6Iblb6 ls -LGu DbGS.
Nv
"How did Clotherstone take the news
of his aunt's death?"
swell, he was sorry she had to 90,
but he was glad she had $25, 600 she
didn't take with her, Baltimore
american.
"I'm told Charley Binks is quarrel.
some"
"He is. Why, when that fellow wal
appointed a committee of one to decide
on a certain matter at our club, he put in
a minority report.-Harper'S Bazaar.
~
"Do you know, l have half a mind to
go out of party politics and become a
Mugwump?"
"Half a mind? That is quite sufficient
for the purpos e."-Indianapolis Journal
~
81 hear that Judge Buckets is study
ing mind reading" said the leau lawyer
If that is the case," said the fat lawyer,
II am going to leave town before 1 gel
arrested for contempt" - Mdianapolt
Journal.
Hicks-'It is SO hard to get anything
through Jackway's head"
Wicks-'T know it. Strange, too,
when you come to think of it. Surely,
there can be nothing in the wayl'-
Boston transcript.
~
Berdin-Is that boy of yours any way
ambitious?
Langan Ambitious? Why, he is
ready to take the most responsible and
best paid situation in the establishment
Boston transcript.
x*x
Ethel-"So you refused George?"
Clara-"Yes; but he acted nicely about
it,"
Ethel-"How's that?"
Clara-"He didn't leave without kiss.
ing me."-N. Y. Tom Topics.
x**
whats a fishing rod?"
It's a handsome jointed arrangement
your father holds out over the water"
"What's a fishing pole?"
tits long wooden stick your Uncle
Bill catches fish with ~ Chicago Record,
~
Watts-Don't you think that the man
who knows when to stop talking is about
as wise as they get?
Potts-About, but not quite. The
greatest brain is in the possession of the
man who knows when not to BEGIN
Indianapolis Journal.
-
Magoozie-You'n recall, Podgers, we
were once rivals for the hand of Miss
Bullion?
Poigers (frigidly)-Sir, you have the
advantage of me.
Mlgoozie (eheerfully)-True, my boy.
sincs you married her, but we needn't
quarrel for thst.-Tioinkles,
~
acknowledgements was telling
me some remarkable stories of the speed
he made on his new wheel.
Yeast-Well, you know S%prockett can
lie as fast as q horse can trot.
Well, | don't know about that, but l
do know that he can lie faster than his
bicycle can go.-Yonksrs Statesman
Brown-Jones-"Do you expect an
office under the new administration"
Jones' rown-"I am 3 Repu blicap,
amt Ia"
Brown-JOnes-"Yes."
Jones. Brown-"Well, I'm human, too.
truth.
First Detective-How did you know he
was from Chicago?
Second Detective-By his accent.
First Detective-But you said he didn't
speak to anyone.
Second Detective-I overheard him
eating a piece of pie.-ITuth.
The trouble with the morbid individ-