The state herald., 1897-10-15
BOB AND HIS WHEEL.
rHE' HumoRIsr TELLS ATALE,
ssnd Left 1t In Confuslon-what 1t Did
70 Him.

Robert Burdette, the famous humor-
LIST, in letter to the burlington Hawk
eye, denies the report that he is dead,
IN tho following letter, dated Bryn
Aawr. The story is told In his own pc
culiar style, and proves that the hu-
mortst ts very much alive, although
somewhat worsted by his experience
with the bike:
My Dear Waite:-I.ikc the true friend
and loyal comrade You ever were, you
do right to protest against my burial
prior to autopsy.
am indeed very much alive. Not on
~ 70. ! havn't been dead even little
bit. Not once. Could have been had
wanted TO be. Could be yet. but don't
want. Maybe l ought to Ike. even now.
But as we make weekly confession,
1--WE have left undone those things
which we ought to have done"
Possibly the rumor that have gone
dead grew out of the fact that have
learned to ride bicycle. say "have
learned" not "am learning" Learned
In one lesson, all by myself. Went out
IN the moonlight last Friday night to
learn, having first locked my family in
the house and forbade them to look ont
Of the windows. Led my bicycle out
on the turnpike-thc Bryn Mawr pixies
are broader than the way to destruc-
ton, twice as smooth and much clean.
er. It's young bicycle. colt-foaled
in 07. Would give the name but for
the fact that l had to pay for the wheel.
Will only say, therefore in accordance
with the ethics of our profession. that
1t is not the wheel anybody says 1t Is.
held him by the wlthers right in flie
middle of the road, and mounted with
out assistance.
dismounted in the same indcpcnd-
cnt manner.
Got on again and proceeded to break
him to saddle.
Did ! ride the first time?
Well. say.
People had told me-liars OF all ages
and both seXes-that ! couldn't fall IT,
when felt that | was falling would
stick out my foot.
I stuck ont both feet and hands and
fell on my head.
! fell on one side of that diabollcal
wheel and then on the other: fell on
both sides AT once: fell on top OF II
and underneath it. and made "dog-
falls" with It. fell between the
wheels: fell behind the wheel and be-
fore the front wheel at the same time
and don't know vet how did 1t. fell
and thrust both legs through the spokes
of one wheel. met terrified man in
buggy and drove him clear Off .he
pike through Wheelcrs hedge. and
don't think he has vet come back. Ev-
cry time ! fell slapped the palms of
my raw. swollen. throbbing hands on
the hard. 'inclastlc" pike except the
f.ll III l.... 10.
and with greater variety of landing
than any man could fall, unless he
dropped out of n balloon and lit In a
load Of furniture. lost my confidence,
my patience. my temper. my clamps,
lamp. bell and reputation. ! broke one
pedal, the saddle and the ordinance
against loud. bois,erous and abusive
language at night. I ran into every
thing in sight except the middle of the
road. l sat down on everything In the
township except the saddle. scorch-
ed in circuit not fifteen fee; In cIrcum.
ference until you could smell brim.
stone. ] made more revolutions than n
South American republic. and didn't
get ten feet away from where start
ed. haven't been 50 maulei and
abrnlded. so thumped and beaten. so
trnmpled upon and pounded. so bruised
and scratched since left the army. But
! can ride. don't say that "do," but
"can."
Do consider hiking good for the
health?
For tho health Of some people I do.
] don't see how physician can brin:
up h,s family unless his children have
something TO cat.
But In my own case reserve my de.
cision. ] will walt until know wheth.
er am going to die or get we'll. And
do you tell Brother Davis TO keep his
obituary on the standing galley until
he hears from 'Siug Nine" don't be-
lieve I've got go yet. although friends
who called TO see me break
down when they say Goodbye" and
walk out of the room on tipioc But
wouldn't mind that II knew what had
become Of my shou!dcr.blades the time
I ran under the hay-wagn. Cheerfnlly
yous.-R. j. Buriettc. In Farm Mach.
inrry.