The evening tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 189?-190?, 1897-02-09
DIR. PERKS PARTY.

Women with clothes always do"
go where?" said l.
Anywhere. Augustus likes to general
ize, you know"
"Generalizing is pardonable where no
exception can be proved, F" said Augustus.
II affirm that my wife has never In her
life refused an invitation when il has been
possible to accept il"
but to particularize, said l. glancing
ut the note of invitation.
"To particularize, /" said Augustus, 1--WE
have been asked to a mad tea party, and
my wife means to GO"
Don't talk as if / were going alone,
Augustus" said Anthea. And we were
mute.
"They are not really mad, " she went on.
"And we have often been there before.
"It's our old friend, DR.. Perks, you know.
He has a big house near here, and he re-
ceives people who are not quite right.
They have hallucinations, or something.
But really, they are sometimes very nice
and quite sensible too. Last year we dined
there, and there was Lady Mills staying
in the house-really charming woman
But (wasn't 1t sad?) she thought she was
the queen. In other respects she was as
sane as you or /. She talked well, and she
played whist exceptionally well, didn't
she, Augustuss"
"She won seven and six from me, said
Augustus, COMPRISING his lips, ',and as
she was the queen i could not tell her
that I thought
"You have to humor them," interrupt
ed Anthea, who had heard about the seven
and six before
Anthea then looked around the luncheon
table and remarked that she thought Ma
bel Dering and Mr.. Tapson were the only
nice ones OF the party, and that there was
room for one more in the carriage.
II should like very much to CO." said
firmly.
The carriage came round at 4 o'clock,
md at 4:40 Anthea sailed down stairs and
remarked, with a smiles that her clock
was all wrong, and that she hoped she had
kept no one waiting.
IL was grilling hot, and Tapson and I,
who eat with our backs to the horses in
the landau and dreamed Of hammocks
slung under cool, shady trees, cordially
agreed with everything she said. Mabel
Dering looked little frightened; she said
she hoped DIR. Perks patients wouldn't
"do anything"
DIR. Perks, the butler said, had been
most unexpectedly called away. He had
left a note for her ladyship. Would her
ladyship care to go into the garden and
wait? DR.. Perks hoped to be back by 5 80
o'clock.
On PERCEPTIONS bank at the bottom of
the garden, crawling about on their hands
and knees, We're four lunatics-a very
stout lady, young man with n wild eye,
a pretty, feeble looking girl, and an elder
ly gentleman. The young man raised
himself upright and planted his toes firm.
ly In the bank.
How dor" he said. IF l start, I'll
run into you."
~ can't turn my head" said the stout
lady, still swarming laboriously upward.
The feeble girl looked round suddenly,
and in so doing lost her balance and start
ed down the bank at run, holding out
her arms and crying at the top of her voice,
"Stop me, stop me!''
Miss Dering took refuge behind Anthca,
but Tapson bravely held out his arms and
caught the flying figure.
Scotland Yard" cried the feeble girl,
"that was u rummy go! Glad 1 didn't
floor you"
AS the afternoon wore on, we discovered
that this poor things mania was that she
was IA very fast, sporting sort of girl. She
never spoke without using slang or swear,
fng-but always i'm the wrong place, of
course as mad people always do. Her
whole appearance suggested fancy work
and Sunday schools, and one could picture
her as the happy wife of IA country curate.
"Wc're looking for wires, she said to
Tapson.
"Soda water wires, you know" shouted
the fat lady from near the topof the bank.
"You must all lend hand, F" said the
feeble girl. "No shirkingl' she called out
with loud laugh, as Mabel and Anthea
were stealing away. You really must
help"
"Humor them, humor thcm," said Tap
son, in professional whisper, going down
on his hands and knees on the grass.
"My back is breaking" whispered An
thea to me, kneeling upright and rubbing
some grass of her hands. Couldn't you
slip into the house and get a soda water
bottle and some wire and pretend we had
found itY 1t might satisfy them"
AT this moment there was an unearthly
yell from the top Of the bank, and then
tremendous cracking of branches, as the
fat lady lost her balance and disappeared
into some thick low bushes ON the other
side of the bank.
The elderly gentleman made a gallant
attempt TO save her, but only succeeded In
disappearing into the bushes himself
In due time we cxtricated them all; the
feeble girl, who helped us I'm the task,
swearing gcnially the whole time.
After this the whole party declared that
wire hunting was over for the season.
"Close time" said the feeble girl
al think, said Anthea, 1--WE ought 10
be getting home. II. some one-my car
riagc"-
"Oh, you mustn't go till DIR. Perks
comes hack" said the tat lady.
Besides, there are the lights 10 sec, I"
cried the wild eyed young man-"grcen
eyes and burn among the grass, and twink
ling pale pink stars, and lights ~ white "A
maid might think that diamonds glittcrd
there"
"And cold potato pie" cried the fat la
dy, don't forget the cold potato pie. We
can't possibly let you go, she said TO An
thea.
"You are prisoners here till DIR. Perks
comes" said the elderly gentleman, In "A