Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-07-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The bill collector looks forward to n
promising career.-Adams Freeman.
Dyer-'Is Cutem n fashionable
tailor?" Duell-"No; he does strictly
cash business. Puck.
''Willie is absolutely madly in love
with me-" GLOW do you know" "He
told me he would work for me, if the
worst happened ANSWERS.
Miss Huggum-"Frank has frac.
tured our engagement. Miss Quixem
-"How is that?" Miss Huggum-
"He fell and broke his right arm"
"They did nothing at Mrs. Dumpy-
Dimple's reception but talk about the
weather." "Well, what greater variety
could you desire at this time of the
year?"
"What's the matter between Blims
and his typewriter" "He thought
when he hired her that he was going
to dictate to her. but he has discovered
his mistake. Detroit Free Press.
Apparent Customer (inquiringly)-
SCOT any clean collars and cuffs?"
Storekeeper-"Plcnty, sir, plenty"
Apparent Customer (coolly)-"Then
why don't you wear some?"-Hartford
Times.
''But we cannot live on papa" pro-
tested the savage's bride-to-be. '"He
is dreadfully poor" 1--WE can wait
until he is fatter !" exclaimed the
youth, fog love is brave.-Detroit
Journal.
Reals-"Is Bagley head over heels
in debt?" Beals-"Yes,I l hear SO. He
signed contract with his tailor to pay
SO night for the hire of dress suit
till he returned it. After the second
night it was stolen ?"--Philadelphia
Press.
"Why do you insist upon taking
your wife out for such long walks in
this rough weather." 1.-The doctor has
told her that she must be very careful
not to talk when she is out in the cold
air." "Say, who's your doctor?"-
Cleveland Leader.
"This," remarked tho victim, with
great presence of mind, rs the dyna-
mite exploded, "puts me quite out of
countenance /" 1t was evident at the
funeral that if he had waited till ~e
landed he wouldn't have had the face
to say it.-New York Press.
"Papa," said the darling daughter
of the household. show did you pro-
pose to mamma?" 'Don't ask me-"
answered the old man. 81 can't re-
member thing about it. Go and ask
your mother. She managed the whole
affair. ."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
"This is not the umbrella lent you
six months ago." remarked Tenspot as
he surveyed the article Whiffet had
returned. ooh, yes. it is" replied
Whiffet. "I've had it recovered and
a new handle inserted, but it is the
very same umbrella. Judge.
Margerie, aged four, had just been
told the story of Little Red Riding
Hood in, as the reconteur thought,
very thrilling style. At the conclusion
Margerie asked nonchalantly "Did
the wolf eat Little Red Riding Hood
without any butter?"- Washington
Times.
"You say that George Huxley has
lost fortune? / don't understand
how that can be. I didn't suppose
that he ever had more than $5 at q
time in his life." "He never has, but
the father of the girl that he expected
to marry failed yesterday. "-Cleveland
Leader.
"Why, is that you, Mr.. Tweddle?"
shrieked the inquisitive lady at the
man in the steamer chair. 81 thought
you were dead" "Just keep on think.
ing so, madam" said Tweddle, as the
ship gave another lurch, "and I'll try
to verify the report in few minutes. "
Washington Times.
Fourth Floor Neighbor (apologeti.
cally-"Does my baby annoy you
when it cries?" Fifth Floor Neighbor
mo, indeed 1 like it." Fourth
Floor Neighbor (pleased) -"Oh! I'm
so gladl" Fifth Floor Neighbor-
"Yes; 1t browns the noise your
daughter makes on the piano. Puck.