New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-01-30

lust expectations OF the pubck. and the interest OF
the University. have been consulted II - worthy
the attention Of adventures. that the highest prize
IS nearly double In value to any that has beeh
drawn in this Commonwealth for man. years past
though the sua, price of tickets Is preserved the
Managers solicit the patronage OF the publick IN
general and Of the friends of Literature and the
University I'm particulars and considering the object
of the Lottery they will combine the prospect 81
gain with the certainty OF beneftting the Iniver-
sitv: and By lending their aid TO the means of edn-
cation will promote the best interests Of their
country"
Station Master-You shouldn't smoke. sir.
Traveer-That is what my friends say
But you mustn't smoke, sir.
so my doctor tells me-
But you sha mt smoke. sir
An! that is Just what my wife tells me. "-(Tit-
Bits
Some farmers in the township of Riga Monroe
County. ~ Y, talk Of going into the business OF
raising sugar beets.
Fuddy-So Bender made the opening remarks at
the dinner last night. DO you remember what he
said?
Duddy-rhe opening remarks? Oh, yes. lie said:
who's got a corkscrew?'-(Bost transcript
'The Saturday Review" says that when he was in
Egypt Mark Twain hired two Arab guides 20 take
him to the Pyramids. lie was familiar enough
with Arabic he thought. to understand and be
understood with perfect case. To his CONSERVATION
he found that he could not comprehend word
that either of the guides uttered. At the Pyramids
he met friend, to whom he made known his d-
lemma II was very mysterious Twain thought
why the explanation is simple enough" said the
friend please enlighten me, then said Twain.
why you should have hired yourser men These
old fellows have lost their teeth. and. OF course.
they don't speak Arabic. They speak gum-.hrabc."
Jovous Repartee-"How do you write all those
-l,oIf hp cy,
with Il typewriter" said the humorist-by-the-
day.
sort of copying process. Indianapolis Journal.
Rhodes: "He is Napoleon over again. but M
poleon in a financial Industrial and political world.
He has all Napoleon's greatness, not Ni'le OF
NAPOLEON petiiness. and he will fall some day,
overwhelmed. a. Napoleon. by the corruption
Of his own tools What Napoleon did with steel.
Cecil docs with gold. Around him there is court
Of creatures who only live 10 minister to his will.
but who would turn and roni him tomorrow II
he were tripped up by fate. As Napoleon thought
Providence was always or the safe side OF the
heavy battalions so Cecil Is convinced there is
God so omnipotent that OF the fun purse.
4 Considerate Omcer-"Wen. Why didn', you ar
came into the Office alone.
II didn't like to do it on account Of his fam
ily.'' said the officer, standing foot. with
the other crossed over il.
What. You are getting little too considerable
for this business"
II dunno what you call It. but ! know that when
went after him the old man. his daughter and
Two sons met at the door. and said If tried to
come they would beat my head off '-fincinnati
Enquirer.
An old lady who was on a train in Aroostook
County Me- recently, left the train when stop
was made for dinner. and asked for cup Of tea
and a light luncheon. After finishing she saw the
propr,ctor and inquired If he clerk Yes"
..I i'm an
much Is my bill?" ''Twenty-hve cents, marm"
nled the smiling landlord. twenty-five cents.
Why. II had known 1t would have cost so much
would have eaten more" go right back. marin;
cat all you want. I'll hold the train for you.' was
the rejoinder.
The talking machine IL now used in Chicago as
an aid In the teaching OF foreign languages An
Instructor in Spanish has large number Of cylin-
ders or records" which are intended to assist to
With the talking machine and listens its repeat
ed pronunciation OF certain word. and then tries
RI reading DIR and spelling The Instructor recently
llcted young business man ,aa, 10 ,ase course OF
didn't know you eo e 'n9rs msSh Rscora to
William Lyman who died at Middleneld. Conn.
the other day. was the inventor Of the Lyman gas
light.
Congressman Dolliver. Of Iowa. az every one by
this time knows. Is the author OF me now famous
10 Major Mckinley. Impatient men fond OF
writIng letters to Mr. Deliver asking him when the
show is 10 come along. They have seen the add
vance agent but the main attraction seems to be-
los; by the way. To one such correspondent a resi-
dent OF Calhoun County, Iowa. MT Dolliver replied
TO the following effect:
First-Major Mckinley is not yet President
Second-It takes "A long time to get out OF such a
condition as the country has been In for several
years.
Thrd-Iou know YOU can 30 out To He'll Slough In
your county and get 40 deep In u before breakfast
that YOU can't get out before sundown.-(Chicago
Times Herald.