The silver lance., 1897-11-12
Atchlson Globe Sights.

Every bore thinks the people he an
noys are fond Of him.
Some people are SO worthless they
can't build wood fire.
You like some fools because you can
feel wise by comparison.
No man works too much, but nearly
every man frets too much.
A surprising number OF men make the
mistake of being dead beats.
People greatly enjoy hearing that a
practical joker has been whipped.
1t Is easy for a woman who owns a
horse and buggy to make friends.
A girl who runs after the boys never
has any trouble in catching them.
The smaller the hotel, the more likely
it is to be known as "The Palace"
An Irishman can be smart without
being cranky, but an American can't.
A foreigner will run after his hat when
it blows off, while an American will
walk
You can never tell whether a new
preacher is a success, until he gets a
funeral.
A bet with woman is ctlled a ''jaw-
bone bet," because she never puts up
any money.
A farmer never feels quite 80 impor-
tant as when he comes to town driving
four horses.
There is about as much sincerity in a
letter of congratulation as there il in m
obituary notice.
We have noticed we are never as com
Portable in bed as when called in the
morning to leave it.
Remember when you go visiting that
you wouldn't be there il the people knew
how to get rid OF you.
By "better" society is often meant a
society where the cut glass, table linen
and carpets are of better quality.
The charge is made that women who
talk to men great deal about honor,
cannot play cards without cheating.
When a woman cant sleep well in a
strange bed, she at once imagines that
it is because something is biting her.
If a woman is half as smart as she
believes her children to be- she will never
praise their smartness to other people.
The railroads get more out of the car
nivals than anybody else. and with less
trouble and expense, and put up nothing
The tramp can't stay north much
longer or he will freeze to death, and he
can't go south or he will get the yellow
fever.
When an old man becomes interested
in a woman, the people discover that he
is not as old as bis appearance has
indicated.
When a man receives large sum Of
money, his friends tell of it, not SO much
in rejoicing, as to give his creditors
hint to act.
The women who boast Of their econo-
N.Y. are uot economical: A woman whose
saving amounts to genius is kept 80 busy
saving that she has no time to boast.
Thousands Of honest people bathe in
a wash bowl, and freeze over little stoves
in the winter, while the occupants of the
penitentiary have bath tubs and steam
heat.
Often a man marries 30 soon after his
wifeis death that people can't draw any
other conclusion than that he had
second wife picked out in case such an
emergency should arise.
1t is very easy to violate the law; il
mans son gets into trouble, and he
settles" it, that is violation Of law; it
is compounding felony. Sometimes 1t
is mercy to violate the law.
We are dead tired Of the reformers
who are always advising that natural in
stincts be educated" out Of people.
We'd like to SEQ somebody educate" the
appetite for sheep out Of q wolf.
It is being commended that smoking is
worse habit than drinking whisky.
Find man who has made great sue
cess Of anything. the discoverer Of tho
new idea claims. and you will find man
who DOES not s..soise.