Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1897-09-19
ApPlEoRYs DILEMMA.
He Would Like to Know whnf Afts
 Him.

tf would Like fO Know What Ais Him.
 'I don't know what is the matter V ith me, said Enoch Appledry. q bach flcr of long standing and an agricultur- ast by profession, in reply to tbe inquiry of his friend, Jay 6rccuhaw. T thought did, but l have had so much sound advice on the subject that now I don't bclieYc I know anything about it''
 Well, should say that you look all rrn down. at any rate, returned Jay, regarding him critically.
 'Yes, and I feel that way, too. am tnffering from lassitude and hot hHshes and that tired feeling you read about and queer taste in my mouth and scnnfusing noises in my head and palpi- tation of The heart, and so on You ktsow l have been keeping company with Miss Philenda Lineoggle for the past six or seven years, and some time ago, after thinking fl all over and talk ing q trial balance, as you might call il, Of my symptoms and feelings. l concluded hat 1 must be in love.
 But, as 1 never was one of the kind of men who are always keen to jump at conclusions, thought I'd seek some advice on the subject before l made any decided move
 Accordingly, I went to q fortune teller, perused several dream books, visited all astroleger, consulted cou- pie of trance mediums and called upon clairyoyant,. and they all confirmed me in my belief and told me to go right ahead and take possession of my lady love. l didn't want 10 be reckless about fl, though and to anything rash with ort due consideration, and the more I Thought the matter over the less satis- fled 1 became about it.
 "According 10 all I'd read regarding { the tender passion, I should have felt differently from what l did if l was really in love. 1 ought to have felt soul ftl. instead of kinder bilious and mog ger, as it were, and yearned for the ob- ject of my adoration with longing that nothing else in the world could satisfy. But somehow 1 didn't feel that way to any great extent ----.
 ''That made me doubt being in love, and so, in order to satisfy myself IS 10 the real nature of my malady, I con suited in succession homeopathic doe tor, an allopath, Christian scientist, q water curist, new school eclectic, layer natural bone set ter, several dozen patent medicine al- mnnacs, and incidentally horse doc Tor, who practices on hnman beings with considerable success when busi- ness is dull in his regular line; and each of them recognized my symptoms at a glance and named my malady out of hand.
 But none of them called fl love, and mot one of them agreed with the diag- nosis of any other one,
 ''So here I am, the victim Of some HlfiBg, l don't know what. If may be love, and 1t may be any of the diseases allotted to me by the various physicians, curists and medical works which 1 con suited. Ii may also be a combination of love and any one of those maiadies, or it may be a complication of those mala- dies without love, or just a conglomera- tion of conflicting advice. What do you think about it?'
 "Well," replied Jay, sarcastically, it may be any or all of those disorders, but I am inclined 10 think that it is simply combination of supersensitive- mess and plain darn foolishness, in about equal parts'-N. Y. World.