The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-09-29
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

- 49,
"What = the objection of the poll
ticians to the civil-service reform sys.
temp" ''The examination questions. "
Truth
''What a queer look that fellow
across the corridor has" Eyes, he
has the pedestrian face. Doesn't ride. "
Cincinnati Enquirer
Freddie-"Ma, what is the baby's
name?" Ma-"The baby hasn't any
name" Freddie "Then how did he
know he belonged here?' ?'-Tit-Bits.
''Hit am or unfawchnit fack," said
Uncle Eben, "dat de more reason O
man hab foh indignation de less COM
fort he's gwinter git out Of it. ~ Wash
ington Star.
''The doctor put my husband on his
feet in a week" she exclaimed. "Tt
was no trouble at all. The bill he
presented fairly lifted him out Of bed"
Chicago Record.
"She insists that her baby is the
picture Of its papa and it doesn't look
bit like him." "Ah, yes; she has
much of the true artist about her, after
all. Detroit Journal
Fair Critic-'I always admire the
characters in your books" Novelist
-"You think them bright, eh?" Fair
Critic-''Well, they all seem to be very
widely read. Truth.
"NIy wife will be the first Klondike
widow" "Why? Are you going?"
"No; but I'm being talked to death by
men who want to borrow money to get
there. Chicago Record.
First Boarder-'T wonder the land
lady let's him stay. Everybody can
see that he drinks" Second Boarder
Eyes; but he never has any appetite
in the morning. Puck.
He-"Will you fly with me?" She
-"Certninly. Bring your air-ship
around at o'clock, and I'll be all
ready but putting on my hat Then
we can start at 4. ."-Somerville Jour-
nal.
Carrie-"He said he would go to
the end of the earth for me-" Maud
-"What did you say?" Carrie-'I
proposed that he compromise, and
simply go home. philadelphia North
American.
"Want your money for sweeping
the chimney, do you? Look at the
beastly mess you've made ON the car
pet. You can ask till you're black in
the face before you get any coin from
meW-Judy.
81 am so glad to know you, Mrs. do
Cycle. Maize has spoken of you so
often. Oh, excuse me. do you ride
wheel?" "Of course | do, Mrs. Van
Gear. What a funny questionp-De-
troit Free Press.
New Simply because q
woman marries man is no reason why
she should take his name" Old
Bachelor-"That's so. The poor fellow
ought to be allowed to keep something
he could call his own. Judge.
In the Park: Little Miss Muffet
-'T don't suppose / ought to go
awound all alone with gentleman
like you, Mr.. Donkey Boy, but gueth
it's all right. The donkey is as good
as most chaperons. "-Harper's Bazaar.
''They say, Grumpy, that the Queen
of England has sixty pianos, and
doesn't play any of them" "Im q
little bit cramped this spring, but I'll
buy my daughter fifty-nine more if
she'll follow the Queens example. -
Household Words.
mamie, if / were you wouldn't
60 with Jay Bard. He is very ir-
reverent young man. l don't believe
he ever gets ON his knees. maybe
not, ma, but know somebody who
does" And then she blushed. -
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The pupils in school were asked
to give in writing the difference be-
tween biped and a quadruped. One
boy gave the following: "a biped
has two legs and a quadruped has
four legs; therefore the difference be-
tween biped and II quadruped is two
legs. "-Tit-Bits.
The seashore boarder was accosted
in ti~saqrk lane leading to tho hotel
with a cleaning revolver.
~ 7houted the thug. "Oh,
say, replied the boarder,
you're not going to collect till my
weeks up, are you?"-PhiladelphiG
North American.
81 am very much shocked, " said the
European Statesman, "at tho tone ot
your country's protest. 1t was moi
polite. " "Well, replied the man from
the United States, after some thought
"maybe they thought that what you
did to call forth the protest wasn't
very polite, either, Washington
Star.