Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-03-28

ana even the endless details OF my own
consorts paraphernalia IT, Incidentally
the discussion Of every other woman
dress In town did not enter into the aIgu-
ment. why the purchase OF D gown u
believe that's the fashlon-plate wordl LOT
one woman should necossitate an lnVeh-
tory OF every other gown in creation IS
more than my impenenable, four-piy sSuh
can understand.
Suppose every time thought Of bry ing
pair OF pants I convened gathering
Of my masculine friends ut our house ana
called for suggestions and reports. sup
pose too, for the sake Of argument, thae
had my lord and master incarcera'%u ~
the room and she were forced 10 nea,
the ideas advanced Suppose one fricnl
suggested TO me that Uncle Bllly CCi-
lngworth wore pantlcts 30 inches at tie
bottom and with two-by-thice
thereon Suppose, on the other manu- w.
another sincere admirer persisted ina
an S-incb circumference OF the bottom
was sufficient. Suppose we iouBnt ""e
scratched and clawed and spat at each
other about the internal triviallty. Anu
10 in,aeine another utter impossiDlilty,
suppose that the good lady were muzzleu
,,rovobout the whole proceedings. What
are your deductions from the suppoai-
tlons9 First. that the wife would simply
he subjected 10 what you are daily forced
TO undergo. and. second, that shed De 80
hopping. war-whoopins mad that COM
pound OF French brandy, red pepper, ana
horse-radish would be as an oriate IN
comparison to her
II were asked IN what form female
fanaticism Of to-day has taken rs NEST
diabollcal shape, l would mnhesitaunsy
answer I'm hunger for tailor-made SUITS
Possibly my impressions may have Deeh
producod by the fact that sartorical ar
list for pullets is now in town, and that
he is The sensation Of he hour. but more
probably il is because every conversation
reaching my ears for the past fortnight
has saVortd of "tailor-made susses-
tions There have been n-Ieteen conven-
lions on this subject in three days ana
though ! have been present at all, l have
NOT so much as been allowed to make
motion 10 adjourn INDIGESTION is as ram
pant as ever. for the outfits OF three
ladies' at the Jefferson" have not yet
been examined. In my dreams-or rather
~ my nightmares-I see female spirits IN
tailor-Inade suits, and near at hand IS my
consort taking notes. Blessed be the day
when the sample and the pattern nave
been selected and peace and harmony
are restored. Blessed be the hour
when the silk Cor the inside lining has
been chosen. and more blessed still when
the bills have all been paid.
The greatest curse that an angry God
can innlct upon an innocent, unohensive
citizei IS a red nose-a rudy. fiery,
irrepressible vermilion nose. When a
man IS visited with an afiliction Of this
eort-and there are many who suffer
from such rubicund protuberances-the
public forthwith blight him with a YER
dict Of .intemperance, and ali the blue
srreamers of the universe upon his person
could not convince them otherwise.
| And. in truth have known red-snouted
men who did drink. But 1 have also
! known individuals with red noses VINO
did not drink though they might Just as
well have done so. With a woman. now
ever. the case is desperate. A red nose
with her means a total failure in life
n badge ~ burning shame-for straw
berry tints beautify not the olfactory
organ. and a woman who realizes De-
yond a shadow Of a doubt mat she Is
ugly gives up all nope Of earthly happi-
ness But let it be said parenthetically,
Just here that nothing short OF a red
nose can convince her that She Is hope
lessiy homely.
In the March No. of the Ladies Home
Journal" Ruth Ashmore throws out
n few grains of comfort on this
! subject. which I doubt not. will be
| eagerly pecked at by birds with crimson
| beaks. "Redness Of the nose" says she,
/ frequently arises from congestion, often
/ from tight lacing. often from wearing
| tight boots, and oftenest Of all from i'm
proper food and improper digestion"
/ This brief hint should. / think, put g.
] check on all red-nosed men who lace
! tightly and scorn the dictates Of diges
/ ton. Fortunately, nothing is said about
! improper drinks. Ruth further recon-
/ mends a nasal bath in hot water, just be-
/ fore the nose ~oes to bed. She likewise
suggests a wash of powdered borax, ten
eraumes: one teaspoonful Of Cologne; one
/ hundred and fifty grammes Of soft water
Melt the boraX in the water, and then
| add the Cologne. Next, she adds: Dab
/ bile this on the nose with a bit
of old linen and let 1t dhe mixture, not
/ the linen) dry upon the nose. If the
| nose should get very red again, or begin
| TO burn doubtless she has a mans nose
| in mind just here, give II another treat
ment but be certain that, unless the
cause for this misfortune is sought and
cured. all the washes in the world will
| be useless" The above-quoted words
! will. I doubt not bring comfort to thou
| sands whose features now glow with a
! scorching sorrow.