The Monitor-register., 1897-02-26
A LITTLE FUN.

A LITTLE FUN. |
First Tramp-'I don't allus give up
when woman says no."
Second Tramp-"Not much! I've |
knowed cases where woman's. mo- |
meant corn beef an cabbage" PUCK
x+x
HoulihaD Ito Kerrigan, who has been
blown up in powder mill)-"Are yez
resigned, Kerrigan!'
Kerrigan-"No; Oim discharged--bad
cess to to- Harper's Bazaar. 1
x~x
'Do you pray for your dear teacher
often, Tommy ?' asked the visitor to the
school.
"Yes, thir," replied Tommy the Truth
full, whenever thee whipth me pray ft
the devil to get her ?"-C Cincinnati Tri-
bune
x*x
"There's one thing about this soap,
m adam," said the grocer. "It saves
backache P'
''Sayes itp MercyI' said the practical
woman. "Who wants to save backache
I'd rather squander mine. ."-Harper's
Bazaar.
Brown-"No use talking to Jones'
when he forms an opinion he never
changes his mind.''
Robinson-"What does he do since he's
been married."
Brown-"He ie,ps his opinion to him
self. PUCK
"Yes, SIR" said the man in cell No.
I'll, "time was when l was admitted to
the very best houses"
Sand what brought you here? ?''
"They caught me coming out. -
Chicago Journal.
x*x
Algy-"Suppose you buy stocks,
Cholly, and sell them at the same time"
Cholly-"Aw-yesa" ?"
y,
doncherknow, and we could divide the
profits ."-Puck.
~.
Weary Watkins-"Wot you think of
this scheme of free baths 2''
Hungry Higgins-"They won't git
none from me. No man is going to get
me to battle without payin' me for it,
Indianapolis Journal
~
The Young Wife-'I am afraid George
Was intoxicated last night.'
The Sympathizing Friend-"He didn't
go to bed with his shoes on, did hep"
'No; but he took them off and tucked
them under his pillow. ."-Indianapoli
Journal
Station Master-"You shouldn't smoke,
sir.'
Traveler-"That is what my friends
s,y."
but you mustn't smoke, sir."
$50 my doctor tells me-"
"But you shan't smoke, SIR"
Sab! that is just what my wife tells
nae. TIT Bits.
x*x
Neighbours Pretty Daughter-"How
much is this yard ?''
Draper's Son desperate spoons" on
her)-"Only one kiss.''
Neigbor's Pretty Daughter-'1f its SO
cheap l will take three yards and grandma
will pay you. ."-DubEin World.
Nv
Deacon Johnson-"I'm afraid dat eff
yo' married NAH daughter l would have
to assist yo'."
Abe Hardcase-'Lawd no; kin take
care OBJ mahsaif all right. Yo' wouldn't
hab to do muffin but take care of her an
de children. Don't yo' worry yosaif
about me. ."-Harper's Bazar.
x*x
"Mamma has just gone across the
street, ma'am," said the demure little
6 year-old to the caller.
'Did she say when she'd be back e'' J
asked the lady. I
"Yes'm," as demurely as before, "just
as soon as you had gone, ma'am "-St.
Paul Dispatch.
#*x
Mrs. Flynn-"An' phat did Father
Malone say to yez at confessions this
Mr.. Flynn-"He said he thought OF
wuz tn besbt mon that ivir lived"
Mrs. Flynn-"Thot ivir lived ?''
Mr.. Flynn-"In my line."
Mrs. Flynn-"In your liner"
Mr.. Flynn-"Yes-since Anauias. -
Judge.
The fellow who tells all he knows
wouldn't be half so insufferable if he
only knows all he Philadelphia
Record.
Misunderstanding, this hurts me more
than it does you.'
Arthur-'Yes, mamma; but not in the
same place"
Nv
"What makes you SO sure that your
husband loves you as much as ever ?"
because never feel called upon to
ask him."
Chollie-"Can't you give me something
20 brighten me up!'
Druggist-"This is a pharmacy, not a
place for performing miracles, sir"'
~
Mother-'Jack, what have you done
With the money you saved up last weekP'
Johnny-"Papa told to me up save for
rainy day; yesterday was the first one
We had, SO spent it.'
~
"Uncle Simon, what is old-fAshioned
,oliteness ?"
sit is way people used 20 have of
skiing a man about his health and then
listening until he got through replying"
Chicago Record
NV
Child (who has a great idea of her