The record-union., 1897-06-20

1
thing far more subtly powerful than
petty class distinctions, and it struck
me as distinctly characteristic OF the
narrowness and triviality which deVo-
ton to conventionalities produces in
| people, that she got up While L was
speaking and went and rang the bell,
and then looked for her card-case, and
at last found nothing better to say
than
We'll, I must be going out. 1 am
sorry to have annoyed you, child" u
was not in the least annoyed, l told
herr, but I am sadly afraid of your
burning your fingers with this silly BUS
mess. Playing at equality is a danger
Gus pastime, unless there is contradic-
ton on the face of it.
Having enunciated this eXtraordi-
nary axiom, Lady Albinia sailed down
stairs to set forth upon one of her
rounds of Improbable morning calls,
or, worse still, to attend a committee
meeting of her mawkish blanket-doing
| charities.
l went at once to my club for a little
| mental refreShment.
May 1st-How glorious it is to be
able really to fulfill an inspiration of
ones youth This life as a match girl
among match-girls, for instance, which
| l have now actually begun. How l
used to dream of it, and picture it in my
schoolrOom days, While | was still in
bondage to Aunt Albinia and Fraulein.
| l did not know then that the strong
feeling that seemed to overmaster me
at times was really the first stirring of
the Enthusiasm of Humanity" l used
in my simplicity and ignorance to fan
cy that it was merely the same kind of
longing that the LIE Merchants and
| Evelyn had to come out" and go to
balls and parties, only that mine took
a different form.
But l am wiser and more discerning
now, and cannot but perceive that
while theirs was the ordinary harmless
but entirely commonplace ambition of
the average schoolgirl, mine had ele-
ments of grandeur and originality
which We're wholly unsupported even by
myself. Now if anybody of the narrow
old school of morality were to read
| that sentence, | have no doubt that
they would hold up their hands in hor-
ror over what they would judge to be
my conceit, little able to appreciate the
''subplime self confidence" which is the
glorious heritage of all who in this era
of freedom are courageous enough to
claim it.
/ don't know why I have fallen into
| this strain of moralizing, except that
on this first night in my little bare attic
dressed in the ugliest, cheapest frock
could contrive to get miles away from
the West End with it's shallow follies,
and surrounded on all sides by undilut-
ed swarms of my beloved people, feel
that at last L can really live.
1t is about 8 o'clock, and any or
binary girl would probably be missing
her coffee, but L trust I am above such
absurdity; and no doubt in a few days
time L shall come to think cheese nice
even in the evening. / must go to bed
now, for [ have to be up betimes-to
work. All, what an inspiring thought
that is! Curious how one gets
welded to CUSTOM! q like to iot down
| thoughts as they occur to mel Here
have L been wasting ten minutes
searching for my dressing gown before
I recollected that decided not to bring
one because l don't suppose the other
girls have them; though how they man
age without them in the winter T can
not think. Even now the nights are
quite chilly. | almost think / shall send
for my plain cashmere one with the
swans down-and that might be the
first point where 1 should begin to hu-
mamie and refine the other girls. OF
course they will want to initiate me.
L shall write to Saunders, 1 think. 1t
is quite unnecessary to worry Aunt
Albinia about sending parcels.
May Sth-No one, L trust, can accuse
| me of being an ariStocrat in opinions
| and views, whatever | may have the
misfortune to be by the mere accident
of birth; but I suppose being brought
up IN nest of old-fashioned Toryism
must influence one against ones will
At all events I find that I have some
how become imbued with certain ideas
quite at variance with my own careful
| ly thought-out and original theories
! For instance, I never imagined that T
| should find any difficulty with the ac-
tual manual part of the new profession.
l thought a lady-if she wished-could
always excel in any employment re-
curing delicacy and skill of hand Of
course If I had considered the matter
L should at once have rejected so whoJlxr
untenable a view. But I had not CON
sldered 1t, and so I was rather srrpris-
ed to find that I don't excel the other
girls at ALL or fill them with any sort
of admiration. In fact, almost the only
notice they have taken of me has been
to stare and then go into fits of laugh
ter.
or course 1 don't in the least mind
being laughed at. The only reason T
deprecate it is that I think it a pitv
that my influence for good should be
retarded by so trivial a cause. An
other thing has turned out differently
from what l had expected. 1 resolved
TO be perfectly candid with the girls.
and explain to them how I was putting
into practice the glorious and hitherto
only theoretic principle of absolute
equality, and / thought I would begin
by begging them not to address me
as "lydy;" but when I came to consid-
er the matter it struck me that they
did not do so-in fact don't think they
have called me anything but "the new
pal" l decided nevertheless to ask
them not to call me ''lydy." so that they
might understand at once the sort of
terms I wished to be on with them
But all they said was: "Oh, really
now! That's awful condescendin of
yer. We ynt ter call yer lydy, ynt
we? Well, that's funny, COS yer see
we wasn't a-goin' to. sy, Liza, new
pal sys as we ynt ter call 'er lydy.
Don't yer forget now and yer my as
we'll recolleck syme tonne as I ynt. Err
Majesty, and Myry lyme ynt got ter
he called Ryle Ighness. We're all
good ole Radercals, we are. We don't