davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Pittsburg Dispatch: An enthusiastic
admirer of President Mckinley, and also.
it is suspected an enthusiastic aspirant
for job, has sent the major a present of
tomahawk The gift is appropriate. but
not quite sufficiently wholesale in its
scope. 1t should have been a gatling
gun, or a torpedo mine. Then the DreSi-
dent would have been fully equipped to
deal with the rush of spoils-hunters.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

The Venezuelan commission has sub
rnitted its report to the president. This
means that the 100000 appropriation
is completely exhausted.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Dilute the drinking water before
drinking it." says the Chicago Times
Herald. And then don't drink it"
would be our advice.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Let some of our other millionaires
follow Mr.. John Beok's example and
make a handsome contribution to the
Utah Pioneer Jubilee fund.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

The Cretans cannot distinguish be-
tween autonomy and Ottomany. though
the powers profess to.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

mo woman can love a cat and a
man at the same time" says A Bache-
IoT. Who on earth would want a cat
loving woman to love him?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Between revising the tariff and re-
vising of the civil list, Mckinley viii
have a very hard row to hoe.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

The anti-scalping bill passed by the
house has no reference to civil service
reform.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

Atlanta Constitution: 1--WE are on the
eve of new century" said the major
Yes said the colonel.
I'm the bright morning of the times -
Yes" replied the colonel.
''And life has new duties for u.s."
ct has" said the colonel.
''And would you indorse my note for
80 days?" asked the major.
Il would not" replied the colonel, land
L wish you a very good morning
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

The last day of winter set a splendid
example for the first day of spring. 1t
should be followed.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

So soon as he is inaugurated, Major
Mckinley will need a trocha to protect
him from the office-seekers.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Detroit Free Press: Before we were
married you used to bring me candy ev-
cry evening; now you never do"
Yes. and before we were married you
used to divide your candy with me; now
you give ii to the children"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

The great characteristic of the jingo
senators is their continual stopping
over.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Detroit News: Judging from the atti-
tude taken by the British government, it
will be necessary for William Watson, the
poet. to add an appendix to his year
of shame"' poem, bringing it up to date
for 1897
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

The powers are playing the part of
Buck Fanshaw to little Crete-quelling
the riot before it begins.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Is the faithful Palmer pulling" Mrs.
Domini's leg?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Weyler has no staff correspondents;
he writes for himself
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Cincinnati Commercial Tribune: A
Commendable Difference.-'I see where
the Queen of England has 60 pianos and
doesn't play any of them" That's a
good girl. l know woman who has only
one piano, but she plays like sixty"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

st. Louis Globe-Democrat: Speaker
Reed will be helped rather than hurt by
the hostility toward him shown by the
persons interested in the appropriations
which he prevented. Some things which
are called economy, of course, are really
extravaganza, but there is strong
probability that none of the items which
the speaker has been influential in strik-
ing out of the appropriation bills belong
to this category.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

It should be Mckinley. McKenna and
McKook. That would be flush cab
met
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

The New York World calls the New
York Journal a sensational paper
This is a pot and kettle quarrel.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

New York Tribune: Boggs' Old Friend
Great heavens, man, Do l find you re-
duced to playing a cornet on the street
corner to make a living?"
Boggs-"I amt doing this to make a
living. My wife won't let me practice in
the house.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Where was Foraker's fire alarm
when Mark Hanna was named as Sher-
mans successor?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

It is not a high aim that causes the
powers to shoot at Crete.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

That Hoods Sarsaparilla purifies the
blood and relieves a vast amount of
suffering is not a theory but well
known fact.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Puck: General Disappointment.-Mr.
Younghusband (complacently)-"I sup
pose you know that there were several
young ladies disappointed when l mar
ried your" Mrs. Younghusband-"Sev Several
my dear?' Why, every girl in my class
at Vassar had prophesied a brilliant fu-
ture for mer'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01
For the inauguration,

The Union Pacific will sell round trip
tickets to Washington. D. c., Feb. 20
and 81. $57.75. Two daily trains
For particulars call at Union Pacific
ticket office, POI Main street
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Autonomy won't convert the Cretans
into automatons by any means.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

When the "yallers' get into peaches
or into papers both are spoiled.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Tit-Bits: Master-''WelI. Tommy. you
were not present yesterday. Were you
detained at home in consequence of the
inclemency of the weather." Tommy
No. sir; cause of the rain
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Washington Star: A New York legis-
lator's plan to prohibit the cartooning
of any public man does not seem feasible
Nature does not make all great men beau
tiful. nor all artists infallible. 1t would
require too frequent and fine a discrim-
ination to determine which pictures We're
meant for caricatures and which for
serious and respectful portraits.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Boston Transcript: Gadsby-"I suspect
they've got baby up at Norris house"
Wadkins-"What makes you think that?"
Gadsby-"Oh, nothing in particular: only
/ haven't heard him brag about his dog
for a day or two"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Yonkers Statesman: How did your
friends speculation come out?" You
mean the one who put up the apartment
houses Yes" Flat failure"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Philadelphia North American: 'W'
can always be friends" she said, kindly
after having rejected him.
Friends he murmured. ''friends AnC
will you, then, Clarina, lend me money!
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Household Words: 1t was the boast of
a Welsh retainer at the English court
There is such noble housekeeping in
Wales that | have known dozen cooks
employed at one wedding feast. Then
said one who knew the country. that
was when every man toasted his own
cheese
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

1t will be a genuine Ash Wednesday
for Mr.. Grover Cleveland.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01
EXCURSION TO WASHINGTON,
D. c.,
Via. the Union Pacific.

Feb. 26th and 9th, round trip only
$57.75. Two daily trains. The shortest
and fastest line. For particulars call
at Union Pacific ticket office. POI Main
street.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

New York Commercial Advertiser: The
Inauguration fireworks will be magnifi-
cent. In addition TO the set pieces. Mr..
Foraker of Ohio will be in attendance.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Indianapolis Journal: He-"I love you
better than my. life" She-"Considering
the life you lead. L cannot say that L
am surprised"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01

Underwear Bargains
In winter weights.
BROWN, TERRY & WOODRUFF CO.,
142 Main Street
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-01
Boys
= Clothing
MADE BY
Boys Tailors.

Take two tailors of equal skill and
experience. Let one make mems
clothes part of the time, and a boys
suit occasionally; let the other have
nothing to do but think about de-
sign, cut and make of boys clothes
exclusively. What tailor is likely
to be most satisfactory for boysP
An example of this tailoring ex-
clusively for boys is to be seen in
our Spring Stock of Boys Clothing,
one glance will convince you. Such
goods, tailored the way these are,
have never been offered at such low
prices as these.
Our Atwood Jersey Suits, 8 to 8
years, are trade makers. The S15O
ones have a large sailor collar, made
very neat
At $500 the collar, both front and
back, is trimmed with fine braid;
make very nobby appearance.
Our Overcoat Sale is still on. Buy
now for next winter and save money.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16

told-has, a thrice told--tale. fGmIliar 10
every "'Arry aud his 'Arrlet." feverthe-
less, 10 wa fraught with excitement n
delight 20 Uncle Slndy's inexpcriencc.
The fair hop fields Of Kent, the white cliffs
and blue glittering waters OF the Channel
ut Dover, the Admiralty Pier, the castle
crowned heights, the lowering Of some
body's carriage OH TO the deck, all afforded
him matter for wonder and admiration.
Bat the marvel OF maryels was 10 LANE at
Calais, and not understand a word spoken
by the chatterin9 crowd around him.
Then, indeed, he ciurS to his niec.'s arm,
and was abjectly civil 10 the polite inter
prefer who travelled with the train.
Mona, who Ind been somewhat nervous
about conveying her Invalid uncle such q
distance. was surprised and relieved To find
how change OF scene drew him out Of him
self. ana how many OF his infirmities van.
ished, because he had not time to think Of
them.
she was glad, however, to get him safe
20 the hotel recommended by Nine. Deb
risay--a thoroughly French house, where
they found q GarnIan waiter who spoke
English, but who had some difficulty In
understanding Uncle Sindy's.
The old man was quite exhausted. and
went to bed o. soon Us he had partaken OF
some food.
You'll pit your purse under your pillow,
dearie,'' he said, tremulouslg, 'Rnd lock
your door; aud here, my llmbic. here are
ten sovereigns. They are for your ain SELF
and when You wan more. yOn tell me. ]
dinna wish You ~ want for onythinc, only
/ would nae be talked ont o. siilcr. Eh!
It's wonderful 10 hear till We talking 10
these outlandish folk in their ain tongue.
/ wish had had MAR learning in my
youth."
Thank you, dear uncle. you are very
COOL, Now you nus get to SLEEP. | have
lighted u night-light. and my room Is next
yours. II you viii knock at the door, | viii
come TO You"
They obtained an early start next morn.
ing. and the Journey was tedious. Inrie
SIndy bemoaned the heat, the cost. tha
wearinesj Of travel: and his niece was truly
glad when they reached a shabby littie "a
ton In a rather fat bat prettily led
country, and everyone got out.
ut ought TO be a wonderful cure 10 come
this weary long road for itr' groaued Ia
Gle Sandy, as lie descended from their con-
veyance when it stopped before the Ell.
trance OF the Ctdbiissement.
Then came the business of finding rooms
and arranging terms. This was simplihrd
by q letter OF Introduction obtained 10y
Nine. Debrisay from n mutual friend, to
NJ. le Directeur, who speedily came to
them. and, To Mr.. Craig's infinite joy,
proved to be an excellent Englisb scholar.
Mona thought her uncle wonll have en-.
brarcd him when he addressed them in
their native tongue.
The next day saw Uncle Sandy duiy in.
eu2ura'cd into tn system OF watcr-drins.
ins, Gouches, ard massage.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16
DO Clocks Get Tired.

New York Sun: DO clocks get
tired?" said Mr.. Billitops. II imagine
they do. / love to hear n clock tick:
| suppose everybody does. We had Il
little clock that | used 10 keep in my
room. II stopped one day and | shock
il up a little and ii started on, but it
soon stopped again. and after that il
kept stopping, and sometimes il
would take me ten minutes 10 shake
it up so that ii would go on and kesp
going. suppose | spent on that clock
as much time as would have paid fer
half a dozen clocks like it: and finally
it stopped altogether and ! gave it up
and the little clock lay idle for months.
/ supposed that sooner or later We
should throw it away, and | thought
the only reasoa that we didn't was be-
cause we hate to throw anything away.
but one dny one of the children got
hold of the clock and took the back
off il to see what was the matter with
il. You know what happens when
children begin fooling with n co X.
/ never expected 10 hear the clock tick
again, but I'm blessed if the SHAVER
didn't make it go. What he did TO II
/ don't know; nothing, | guess, eN-
cept TO oil il. and l suppose that WIS
all il needed, or else il had simp V
tired and had wanted a rest. But it's
going again now, and ticking away
like a good one
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16

comparison, even with so exalted a person
age hs q lady mayoress," said Mona, laugh.
ing.
That's o. RIGHT; it's weel 10 have n pro
per spirit. We are tauId that we must not
allow pride to master onr hearts: but pro
per pride Is ne included; and | have az
ways held myself to be as good as any
itier mon.'
The following day, shortly before the
ho,r Tor tdbic dhOte, the stngnnnt waters
VI NE ut tontrexcville were stirred by the
arrival OF my Lord F!tzallan, his valet, bis
iFlend-a young man-and his valet. pile
oi icggage, including Go-cases, fishing
Iois, a couple Of dogs, and endless lmoc,:-
linents OF various kinds. Every waiter Ia
'le place appeared absorbed in the bustl.
created by this important arrival; ana the
Visitors, as they assembled for dinner.
talkeG OF nothing tlse. The great nlci
aad Signiiied their gracious intention Of
G!hiEg with the general public, cnd thoir
PAGES were being bHsily got ready, cham.
payne bottles put into coolers, aud extra
0oiH;ies for dessert being placed at their
end Of the table.
It's jIst a humceliating spcc'acle." said
! ncie sandy. taking hisaaat and unfolding
ms napkin, white his very nose sceraci 10
curl uptgith conteinptuous Misrepresentation
10 see such a Ike set ont oyertwa laldics
that would be better earning their crust"
fancy, from what ! have heard, Lord
f'zalieu IS hy no means young"
Why: What DO SO ken about lims"
Before she could reply, the door ooencd
ana the new guests, conducted by the
manager Of the hotel. entered The ar-t
was a tall, thin, very thin man, OK forty
hHe or tfty, whose coioring was extremely
Neutral. 'Iis hair vas Of light hay color.
his mustache a shade or two darker: his
complexion a pale drab; his eyes u faded
blue, 4 very long pointed nose: and q rather
recedinS chin, did not convey an ilea o,
mental strength: nor did his a,op,ny Shout
ders, spidery legs. and long nacE suggest
physical power. lie was smiling bandl,
a. something the host was saying, aud hi
expression was kindly enough, bat Mona
scarcely TOOK in these details. 80 surprised
wa she 10 see that his friend who a.luyeI
him wGs Berii" Eye1agd.
tContiaued .sxs weeh)
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16
An Arricnn Horn Enrcst.

''Fhe New Africa, % by Or. AGrcl schulz.
4 bad thorn forest had to he passed
through here composed principally OF tn
Waacht cen beetle thorn trees. whose
hooked thorns. arranged in opposite
curves on he same branch, catch the Un-
happy passerby in their tolls whichever
way he moves. The instinct, when caught
by a thorn. IS 40 holt ard loosen one
self carefully. and then Try To avoid the
repetition OF the occurrence. The WaaCht
cen teetie, however. with dIabolical acCur-
acy, whenever 1t has hooked a passerby.
renders such attempts futie, for as soon
as one has got free IN one place the thorns
set in the opposite dire ton on the sans
branch invariably hook into some fresh
part OF the clothing. and NJ each move the
neighboring pre- hensiie bran, hes. set IN
motion by the movement, seem TO hook On
from above and below. until apparently
there Is only one possible way out OF the
difficulty. and that is To wrench ones
self free at the expense or ones clothing,
and "A succession of very pronounced and
ugly scratches. Added 10 all this, the
plant, with it's light green foliage hiding
the vicious thorns In their friendly app
pcarlng veFdufc seems To invite the touch
by an outward display of attractiveness,
never exposing on its interior any sign
OF its disagreeabie nature. Many a hard
pressed giraffe or buck owes its life TO the
Friendly Intervention Of The Waacht cen
beetle tree, past which the hunter, all IN
suspecting, has brushed in the hurry Of
the chase, TO be he'd fast while the game
vaniEhes over the belt.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16
Tho Cnir I.ntn-

one Gay through the primevaI wood.
- '.ih wicked home az good Calvoi
But made "a ttaiI All bent nskew
a. eI"oksd trail as All calves do.
And, ] INFER. the Calf BE- 6c9I ~ ""''
But atill he left behind his tr,u
ANA thereby hangs a moral taic
lL' 'iall ,S taken up next day.
~ a lohe dnE that passed that wnv
Ana a %lse LrIl-Weather simeon Wy
the trail Ger WHO ,rii
Ana ore" ny Eosk behind hiT 49,
- knod bCH-Wcathors nI.yny"' no
Ahu from t'at dav DER nm aI1J -
made. ''' woods "a path was
And inahy mon wound IN ami o,.
81 49,, 80 ami turned anil "u',
Tieca"sc ~" E,las az rrh. .ags' 1p2Iut'
sil tI",-.S .4,h q ,r,Ds,i parE','N'
k,s "., migration OF th,n 10y is1gh-
Tough his winding
.tase he wabbled hen he walked.
I H.s forest path became Il lane,
= lai bent ana turned and turned again,
rms crooked lane became a road,
NJ here many q irOr horse. with his load,
ou beneath the burning sun.
Ard f~r1Eel,t .uuy threo miles ia one,
;Eus "a ftu'grg aa9 a HAIR.
They trot DE footsteps of that calf.
The yeats passed uu ID sWirtncss feet,
road lc au.c a village street.
And this. iy,u,e IN men were aware,
City's crowded th~uioGghfarc.
And soon the central street Vas this,
a renowned metropolis.
And men W. centuries aud a half,
Trod in the footsteps ~ Tint Cal!.
day a hundred thousand TOlt
the ZiZEag CALI about
And Ger this rocked journey went,
Ihe tratnC OF a continent.
hundred thousand men were led
by one calf near three centuries dead.
Buffalo Express.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16
Shake IntO NOur Shoes

Aliens Foot-Ease. n powder for the
feet. II cures painiul, swollen, smart.
ing feet, and instantly takes the sting
out OF corus and bunlous. It's the
greatest comfort discovery OF the age.
Aliens Foot-Ease makes tight-iitting
or new shoes feel easy. II is a certain
ure for sweating. callous and hot.
tired. aching feet. Try 1t to-day. Sold
by all druggists and shoe stores. by
mail for - cents, in stamps. Trial
package FREE. Address, Allen 5.
Olmsted, lie Roy, y. Y.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16
Loss to Connecticut Tobacco Grow

Boston Transcript: The great tobacco
raising section OF New England, and in
point OF quality one of the great sections
of the country, is the Connecticut valley.
and up to two weeks & the farmers of
that region gazcd upon their broadening
plants and thought upon the tariff that
was soon to strengthen their markets
with smiling content. But the weather Is
sometimes more potent than the tariff
laws, and the floods and heavy rains with
which that section more than his has
been afflicted during the past two weeks
have wrought disastrous changes. Large
tracts OF tobacco have been so damaged
as TO be totally worthless. In many places
the water has receded after stopping the
growth OF the plants and turned them yell
low, and In Others the ground IL so wet
tina the crop cannot be cultivated. and
decay has set In. The loss will probably
be as much as IS per cent on the whole
crop. and unless the weather should be
favorable from now on. even raore.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16
IsIaiuly Stated.

"Am / 10 understand said the can
didate, that nothing viii induce you
to work for me:.'
The professional politici;a, looked
at him reproachfully and replied;
II am surprised at you. \ nan of
your experience ought to know. sir,
that nothing will not induce me to do
anything for anybody"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16

\ French princess has placed a con-
sideraL,e sum at the disposal OF the SUI
perior Of the school OF Sisters of 81. Jo-
seph in Athens u found a home in the
island OF Sant1!in for the children u
Greek officers killed in the late war.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1897-10-16
A Home Thrust.

A humorous editor living in Austin,
Tex, received q cruel rebuke from his
wife not long siuce. Sic had Leen IL
the lhea.er and on her return home
gave such a very amusing account OF
the performance that her husband ex.
claimed:
@Why don't you write that out just
rs you have told IL to me? II wonld
make tirst-class copy. You ought e
write for the papers,"
mo. I thank yon. One crank in the
family Is enough was the cutting 70.
ply.-ieSas Sytings.