Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18

slant contact between them all is Close
exacting and unavoidable ward-room
officer will probably meet every one of his
shipmates fifty times In the course of a day
and evening, and an exchange Of greetings
and pleasantries on3ah 81 these occasions
demands that the best of salutation manu-
facturers and the MOST sbciabie and joviaI
of men be on their nettle pretty nearly all
the time.
The Objectionable Poseur.
And yet. a pyrotechnieal striving after
tremendously brilliant effects in the way of
humor on the part of a naval officer is as
much hooted down and utterly cast out by
his mess mates as would be Tapping in
the sorghum sea of sentime ntality the
singing of soulful SONGS for example-by
another officer. Above all else, naturalness
is the chief essential of good shipmate.
The poseur in the ward room of q mau-of-
war, the man gifted with no more judg-
ment than to attempt to attitudinize in the
eyes of his fellows, sooner or later falls
into the estate of laughing stock through
out the entire service. There are not many
officers who try it, but there are some.
The younger men are most often the Of
tenders in this respect Not knowing, on
account of ward-room inexperence. what
is In store for them, they buckle on their
stills. tie skates to the bottom of the stills
and endeaVor to cut figure-Of-eight knots
on the deck of the mess room. A man
must be possessed of very great temerity
first break he tumbles into roasting pan
hotter than the forced-draught fire room.
The springer of rehearsed rcpartee, which
is the role usually assumed by the ward
room poSeur, never did and never can make
a hit in the navy.
Then, there is the ward-room bore He
is sometimes called the ships Molokai,
after the leper island of Hawaii. The ward
room bore is by all hands acknowledged to
be the simplest and most harmless of hui
man creatures. and yet it is mournful
thing for an officer in the navy to have
'Molokai" written after his name in the
brain tablets of his shipmates, past or
present. There is nothing to be done with
or for him. He is an institution, rhino-
ceros-like of epidermis. impervious alike to
mild ridicule or disdain. Speaking of the
ward-room bore in general naval ofhcer
with four stripes to his sleeve said at
Washington club the other evening:
Pathetic Nuisnnce.
His guilelessness, his simplicity of SOUL
his actual goodness of heart. protect him
from the wrath of his shipmates: but ne
is a pathetic nuisance. all the same. For
tunately for the service there are not
many of the ward-room bores left. but
have suffered at the hands of every one OF
them I have listened to every one of the
" ard-room bores' stories hundred times
When 1 have had the deck watch, and have
experienced an inward craving to commune
weakly permitted him to join me and to
walk scores of miles with me up and down,
his unceasinS, maddening mOnologue OF
threadbare yarns clamoring in my head
like rivet hammers. He has sung his two
songs for me, not alone upon one ship or
one station, but upon all ships and in
every cline, hot and cold. blooming and
bleak civilized and barbarous. On every
sea, wine-dark or gray, he has played
Marriage Bells on the banjo and Then
You'll Remember Me- on the guitar for me.
And he has told me the history of his
early life, and of the early lives of his
brothers. sisters, cousins and aunts. in all
variations and in every zone. But he is an
evil to be endured
The man who knows it all abides in the
man-of-war ward room as well in the
haunts Of men ashore. The experience,
requirements, eveni the stripes on the
sleeves Of his oldest messmates do not
draw a great deal of water with the ward
DOM officer who knows it all. He bankers
to inform them Of things When one of
the men forward in brother officers divi-
sion comes off to the ship drunk after
night ashore and kicks the chief master
alarms on his shins, the ward-room officer
who knows it all awakens his brother Of
ficer from a sound sleep to tell him all
about it. His brother officers do not know
anything like as much about the mercator
system as he does, and their lack of nfor-
nation on the subject of improved range
finders is really pitiable. His brother Of
ficers' deficiencies in the matter of ma
quarto volrme-in the mind of the ward
room officer who knows 1t all. Under
way, when one of his brother officers has
got the bridge, the ward-room officer who
knows 1t all generally figures it out thar
the ship has been nine miles off it's course
for the last three hours, and his brother
officers style of swinging ship to test the
compasses is always idiotic in the extreme
The other officers Of the ward room inya-
riably encourage their know-it-all ship
mate In the belief that he has grasped all
human knowledge for the fun of watching
him strut throughout the cruise.
Rails Mt Everything.
Besides, there is the disconnected ward
room officer. He is a type gradually dying
out of the service. especially since the pass
ing of the old ships but there are a few of
him left The discontinued man aft has dis
covered that the navy is going to the devil
in spite of anything he can do to prevent
it, and he has resigned himself to the in
eVitable. he says. In his estimation the
personnel OF the navy is distinctly lower
IN tone than it used to be- He never saw
so many blackguards and dogans among
the men forward as there are on his pres
ent ship. He is always sent to a station
that he detests with all the hatred of
"hlch MS nature Is capable. and he dwel!s
upon the statiCEs disadvantages with hor-
rible earnestneSs at the mess table The
mess attendants are always endeavoring
TO neglect him. He wishes he could have
mace another cruise on his old ship. and so
on TO the end of the world.
These types of ward-room officers of the
navy are, or course, exceedingly rare in
comparison with the great number of
cheertul, hearty, happy and brainy men
who have the destiny of the United States
navy in their hands at the present time.
But they are types, all the same
An Old Mint Die.
From the Philadelphia Record