The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1897-07-07
Stories Told
OF Famous Men,

or two other gentlemen were traVellnS,
and occupied the same smoking con part
ment. The conversation turned % the
patent Office, and one of the Strangers
inquired whether any of the c hers had
known ex-Commissioner of Patents But
terworth.
"Oh, yes" promptly replied Maj. But
terworth; II knew Ben Butterworth
when he was a boy. I have often seen
his father give him a sound licking
But that can't be the one l mean; his
father was a Quaker"
"Yee, he was a Quaker But l simply
testify to what l have seem l have fire.
quently seen Ben get a licking. His IA
ther licked him once or twice a week reg
ularly.
How did you happen to be on hand
when he got licked" inquired the stran-
ger.
"Oh, played with Ben, and 1 was gen.
orally around.
At this point in the conversation
friend Of Maj. Butterworth Joined the
company and called him by name. The
stranger heard it, and, coming over to
him, remarked:
Being a Quaker, I thought the old
man did wrong to hck Ben, but now |
am satisfied the boy richly deserved it,"
Washington Star
eign Secretary in Mr.. Gladstone's last
administration, he was often annoyed by
an elderly female, who paid him
daily visits to get his opinion on matters
of no Importance to him whatever. Fin
ally, becoming exasperated at the wo-
man, he gave the doorkeepers orders not
to admit her under any circumstances.
However, not day passed that she did
not mako an effort to gain a hearing,
nd lINy Lot oil
to meet the secretary just as he was
about to enter his carriage.
Lord Rosebery," said She breathless-
ly, II must see you on most important
subject, and at once"
VERY well, madam" said the urbane
Secretary of State, holding open the door
of the vehicle for her, II beg of ycr to get
in"
Delighted to be invited to drive with so
important parsonage, the talkative
lady jumped into the carriage, Rosebcry
gently closing tine door on her, and be-
fore she could eXpostulate, she heard
him saying to the coachman:
Take the lady wherever she wishes to
go, James, and then home"
Looking out of the window, the now
irate occupant saw her late victim step
ping into a cab.-Harper's Round Table.
o
Webster, in speaking of Gen. Taylor's
candidacy for the Office of President, pro-
nounced it "a nomination not fit to be
made" he never failed to do justice to
the Generals military abilities and emi-
nent service in the field
On one occasion he paid the old soldier
a delicate and well-deserved compliment
Gen. Taylor was complaining of the
crowds of people who daily beseiged him
soon after his accession to the presi-
dency.
They interfere" he said, with my
official engagements ana violate my
domestic retirement, but stin / 10 not
wish 10 turn my back upon my friends"
you never did upon your enemies, gen.
eral," Mr.. Webster instantly replied.
compliment of another sort, and
much more surprising, considering it's
source, was one given by Mr.. Webster,
though the object of 1t was not present
to hear. Some one was speaking of the
remarkably beautiful eyes of a handsome
woman, and one young enthusiast said:
They remind me, with their long, dark
eyelashes, of artillery in ambuscade."
'They should rather be compared to
heat lightning" said another.
Not So" put in Mr.. Webster, with d
perfectly grave face, "for you must be
aware, my dear sir, that heat lightning
never strikes !,,--Youth's Companion.
o
The proceedings of the Royal Society
of London were not taken SO seriously a
hundred and fifty years ago as they are
now. A sailor who had broken his ,cg
was advised to send to the Royal Society
an account of the remarkable manner in
which he had healed the fracture. He
aid So His story was that, having frac-
tured his leg by falling from the top of
mast, he had dressed it with nothing but
tar and oakum, which had proved 50
wonderfully etficacious that in three days
he was able to walk just as we'll as before
the accident. This remarkable story nat
urally caused some excitement among the
| members of the society. No one had pre-
viously suspected tar and oakum of pos
| sessihg such miraculous healing powers
| The society wrote for further particulars
| and doubted, indeed, whether the leg had
| been really fractured. The truth of this
part of the story, however, was proved
| beyond the shadow of a doubt. Several
| letters Lased between the Royal Society
and the humble sailor, who continued to
| assert most solemnly that his broken leg
/ had been treated with tar and oakum
| and with these two applications only
! The society remained puzzled for an in.
| definite period had not the honest sailor
| remarked in postscript to his last letter
Il forgot to tell your honors that the
/
| Table.
| Private John Allen, of Mississippi car.
| ries a new cane 1t Is straight stick
| with a long and flexible branch twist ed
| around It, This stick" says Mr.. Allen
came from the grave of George Wash,
ington, and was given to me because
embody all of bis virtues and none of his
| vices. The straight part of the stick
| represents me, and this branch is the
| Democratic party clinging TO me-
| Somebody asked Mr.. Allen how he stool
on the contest over the Democratic posi-
ton in the House. "Oh, WELL" said he
Il haven't been registered yet, and
think am on both sides. 1t reminds m,
of man in my county who was running
| for the legislature l met him one day
and said TO him: Bob, how are you get
ting along with the Prohibitionists?' 'Al
| right said he. And how? said L. We'll,
said he, i drink with the liquor men anl
vote with the Prohbitionists.'
The simple artlessness of the Irish bul
appears In these anecdotes, which Cardi
| nal Manning used to tell: An Irish " It
er, on being asked at what oclc tn
first train ieft in the morning, .swered
you see, sir, the o'clock ,rain nov
goes at o'clock, SO there isn't no mrs
train at ALL"
| II got up at T." said another Irishman
land thought II was s, but on looking
at my watch found 1t was g."
An Irish vaiet seeing his master Ill
and waste paper basket with torn-up let
ters exclaimed, ruefully, "Oh, why di
you go for TO tear them up? The,
might have come in so useful Tor me
who am Flways so bothered when / hav
to write a letter"
That valet must have been nearly re
lated to the Irishman who. having onl
one match to light his candle in tn
morning, struck 1t over night to max
sure II was good one.
| o
In one OF the rooms OF the new Corcor