The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1897-10-08

'That's right" said the "lush." II
this book agent friend of ours had gone
out and got drunk the night he married
the old girl and then came home and
chased her around the house with a
Ratchet she'd have had some respect
for him. knew q man once who chased
his wife with Ratchet at least once
a month. He loved her all right, and
wouldn't have harmed her for anything
in the world, but he claimed that he
had to make this Ratchet demonstration
at least once a month in order to maip-
tain his rights. After every outbreak
she'd be pleasant and attentive for sew
eral weeks. Then her respect for his
rights would begin to weaken and he
would have to get out his Ratchet
again"
seriously speaking, l don't believe
a woman has much regard for man
who allows himself to be tied to her
apron strings" said the dentist.
"Why, of course not!" exclaimed the
freckled boy, with an Indifferent ges-
ture, to show that he was an expert.
"I'll win out in ten minutes where one
of those easy, polite guys wouldn't
make a showin' in an hour. You've
got to make woman think that you're
the real stuff and know what she wants
better than she knows it herself"
Gentlemen" began doc" Horne,
gazing critically at his cigar as he
rolled it between his thumb and Sec
ond finger. Gentlemen. l went into
a store in Ohio one day and listened
for an hour while three men discussed
the fine points of navigation. They
had beautiful themes as to the handling
of vessels and some new ideas in ship
building. learned afterward that not
one of the three had ever been within
500 miles of salt water, or had ever
seen boat more than 20 feet long. Your
learned opinions regarding matrimony
and the management of wives reminds
me of that talk on navigation"
''That is what is called an upper-cut,"
said the "lush."
"Doc, 1 don't see any medals on you
for getting married" remarked the
freckled boy. with wink at the den
list.
sand you have not heard me telling
Of the rights and privileges of hus-
band, either" said "Doc," turning on
the freckled boy and speaking with
unusual earnestness. "Why, gentle
men, it amuses me to hear you young
gentlemen sit here and talk about wom-
en- and matrimony as if you had studied
them for years. Don't you know that
woman has been the puzzle of all ages
because there were never two women
alike? How can you pass judgment
on husband when you know nothing
of the conditions surrounding a mar
ried man? It's very easy to sit here
and tell what you would do or you
would not do If you were husband.
You seem to forget that millions OF
Young men have talked in the same
manner, only to learn later that the
cries count for little when applied to
actual experience. Some OF you may
learn, some day, that the wise hus-
band simply gets along with as little
friction as possible, preferring COM
promise to open battles. You have
spoken, half seriously, of the propriety
of a husband tanning and managing a
wife as he would a domestic animal.
Don't you know it is the brutal husband,
rather than the complaining wife, who
makes married life a hell in so many
houses? Furthermore, you young men
who are accustomed to the skylarking
and irregular life of a hotel seem to
think it is unreasonable that woman
should attempt to interfere with hus-
bands going or coming, or complain
If he arrives home at all hours of the
night. Here you sit and consider the
case of a married man from the stand
point of a bachelor. You're like so
many raw colts not yet broker. 10 ride
and drive. You can tell how Tou will
kick up and smash things if they ever
saddle or bride you and dare to touch
you with the whip, but all of you will
become good old family nags in time
If the right trainers get hold of you"
"Where can | get a copy of the lee
ture, Doc" asked the freckled boy.
"And what you need" continued
"Doc," sis large woman with mind
of her own, who will keep you at work
, six days a week and collect your pay
Saturday. I'd like to meet you, young
man, about two years after your mar
rage and find ont if there has been
any change in your views. Chicago
Record.
Invented by n Woman.
A California woman has patented a
cover for milk cans which is perforated