davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
An Absurd super.titfon.

An 1AUBukV SuPeEBllVHOMs '
Gus de Smyth-Those new boots Of
yours squeak awfully. Perhaps they
amt paid for yet?
Johnnie Fewscads-That's all non
sense. If there is any thing in that, why
don't my coat and my vest and my pants
and my hat squeak, too Pm. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08

People are certainly Is unfair with their
neighbors as they are with prominent of.
Gals they happen to dislike. -Atchison
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
why HagDoca If..

= tell you. sir. we're slaves to our
landlords. H .3z
''Yes?'' ~ #5 Y
Yes, indeed. It's an outrage that we
should have to pay rent. -
ITS 9 good deal Of bother at times"
Then why do you do it?''
I'm too lazy to move. Chicago
Post s5S r s@~ 81 81 a (.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08

empty fellow! b. r..
Willie-You wouldn't have thought
50 if you had seen him last night
Pick-Aie-U Up. =. 2. =.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
Tickle.

Clara-You know Mr.. Smackerton,
the fellow that was engaged to Miss
Trapper? That fellow never could be
depended upon. 8.t i. ].
Maud-What has he done now?
Clara-Married her.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
Cannibalistic Tendencies.

Cannibalistic Tendencies.
"WhO is that young fellow?"
"That's Jim Bowling, better known as
Cannibal.'
why cannibal?"
His father is retired missionary
and Jim lives on him."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
Osculatory Demonstratio

She-And you say that smart thief
could steal something from right un-
der my nose. lzdon't believe it.
He-Wel, there.
And he had purloined kiss.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
Ro4h Exfre,.Inaa

Grace belongs to the school Of ex-
trcme coIolfsts."
'How 80 ~
She wears red hat and yellew
shoes. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
True to Himself.

Caraway-The manner of Cholly's
death was in perfect keeping with his
life, wasn't it?
Ho0Lo-HOxu 800
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
In q Con- placent Mood

#53 II . Conplacent Mood. RI
This is q splendid chance for you
to tackle papa. George
: How 80 %
" 4 e's just home from fishing trip.
and II he can get you to listen to his
stories, he'll give you nything you
ask for 81 'ss. sS. 81.
I'll dc It for your sake, dearest. -. -
CLEVELAND Plain Dealer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
misunderstood.

T Farmer Oatbin-Bring me sum more
Waiter-Hey? ~ -.
Farmer Oatbin-Nol Corn, gol dern
ye!-Up-to-Date. H..
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08

Miss Cawstic-Don't you think mon
keys are cute?
Blowdust-Naw, they remind me too
much of some people.
Miss Cawstic-Oh, you shouldn't be
80 sensitive.-Detroit Free Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
Evidence of Failure.

Evidence Of Failure.
John Doe-Did he tell you he failed?
Richard Roe-No.
'Then why are you so certain about
it?' r.. l-. -
II heard him talking about luck
Brooklyn Life. .l&'-.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08
HOOks-HOW so?

Caraway-As he was dying he tried
to say something and couldn' t.-Harlem
Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-07-08


house in which the man had died.
There was much food for thought and
conversation, and j. and 1 talked
over all the circumstances of DR.. Lam
ville's life and death. 1t was, therefore,
after ten o'clock when I started for
home.
l had telephoned my wife that was
detained and would not be home in
time for dinner. found her, neverthe-
less, waiting for me with letter which,
as she told me, had been left at the door
shortly after I had gone out. It had
evidently been directed with trem-
bling hand and the contents were al
most illegible. With difficulty, and not
without my wife's assistance-shei is
wonderfully good at deciphering bad
writingI managed to read the follow
ing words: .,, 81. IL "szz,l W
Il have long held theory that any
disease, and even the effects of poisons,
could be produced in himself by any
strong-minded man fully acquainted
with the symptoms, and who chose to
bring to bear all the influences of a
powerful will. I resolved to try this
experiment, and I began over three
months ago to simulate the symptoms
caused by morphia.
.'To make sure that my counterfeit
was good, I determined to carry out the
deception SO as to impress my friend
J who had himself feigned insanity
30 successfully az to deceive the med.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
COLGAN'S QUEER OCFFEE.
He Drank Washing Soda and Was
in Bad Shape.

Patrick j. COlgan, a laborer, who was
poisoned by washing soda in his coffee last
week, is able to be out again, after a week
at Emergency Hospital. He says the aC-
cident came through a mistake OF a ser
want girl on street, instead of ar his
clearinghouse on B street, near First
northwest.
He went into q clearinghouse to get a
lunch. After food had been set before
him, the girl who was in attendance turned
and put something in the coffee pot and
went out OF the room, saying she would
be back in few moments. In the mean
time he could help himself.
She did not come back for some time.
and he wanted some coffee, so he helped
himself. He noticed it had a singular
taste, but he was not very well, and
thought that was the cause. When the
girl came back she said:
''Where did you get that coffee?''
From the coffee pot on the stove''
''Arrahl That wasn't coffee at all; that
was washing soda, and it viii eat YOU up."
BY that time Colgan was feeling queer.
He went about his business, however, think
ing the sensation would pass Off Half an
hour later he tried another cup OF coffee,
taking care this time to see that it was
good. But his uneasiness continued to in
crease, till ne was compelled to go TO a
drug store.
The clerk had never heard Of washing
soda under that name, and Colgan had some
trouble To explain to him. They finally
got to an understanding as to what the
stuff was, and the clerk gave him some
liquid medicine and a powder He took
these, but continued to feel so sick that he
finally appealed to the police and was sent
to the hospital.
During the week he was laid up, Colgan
says, he had several hemorrhages and got
very weak. The soda seemed to have
taken all the skin off his mouth and throat
and to have caused an intense irritation
OF the stomach, which barely escaped being
very dangerous inflammation. The physi-
clans would let him have nothing to eat but
milk, and when he was finally let out he
had tremendous appetite.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
The EXCISE BOARD CASES
Specific Charges Against Saloon.
keeper Delahay of D Street
Protests From Mrs. Spencer and
Miss Boice-Other Applica-
tions Approved.

Specific charges were made today before
the excise board against George Delahay
who keeps saloon at No. sol II street,
by Mrs. Sara Spencer, of the Spencerian
Business College, and Miss Alice NJ. Boice,
whose home is in the upstairs rooms of
the same building.
Mr.. Delahay's alleged violations con-
sist in sales of beer to minors, doing a
Sunday business and keeping Gisorderly
house. twas also charged, upon suspicion,
that he had habitually sold to persons al
ready intoxicated.
Miss Boice testified under oath that
on two occasions, September 13 and 20,
respectively, she had purchased beer on
Sunday, and in this she was verified as
To one Of the dates by her brother. The
beer was in bottles and was brought from
the bar to her dining-room, where the
money was paid. She said Mr.. Delahay
entered the tar from the rear, through an
entrance on the alley.
The board reserved its decision.
The Washington Social and Literary Club,
of which Mr.. Edward r. Reynolds Is the
president, applied 10 the board for the
privilege Of a club license TO retail at
No. 1920 East Capitol street, near the
Metropolitan office building and car sta
bles. On two previous occasions the board
rejected applications for the same location,
and for that reason, based upon the same
conditions. the same decision was recorded
in the present case.
Two applications were approved today.
as follows: Charles o. Abbott, No. 617 Sew
enth street northwest; Thomas Collins, No.
1927 Twentieth street, the latter trans
ferred from Hermann jacobson.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
HE WANTED TO PRACTICE.
A VOodoo Doctor Sought License
From the Excise Board.

A white topped old dcUloredman, bent with
age and assisting locomotion with heavy
staff. called at the District building yes
terday afternoon, looking for de gen'e'mun
wot gibs out de Hsunses ter practice med
icin''
He explained that he employed roots,
herbs and incidentally signs and symbols to
effect the most marvellous cures of diseases
to which mind and matter are heirs. He
said he could also, on apiIch, restore absent
husbands to langulshing wives, bring absent
lovers together, make the wheat OF pros
perity sprout IN profusion ON the erstwhile
barren plains of adversely, and remove
warts, corns and whiskers without the use
of a razor.
"Old man, you are a voodoo DOCTOR"
suggested District employe.
''YaS. sab; dat's wot dey calls me-
'Then you want to go to the sixth floor
and get permit to practice from DR..
Woodward, the health officer; or his as
sistant, DIR. Mclean"
"Hal hap laughed the negro. "What
kinder jobs yer tryin' ter put up on de Gle
man? Use voodoo physician, an dey's
de odder kind OBJ doctahS, an dey's agfn
me. sab. / knows all erbout dem bod oh
health peopul. Deyis so perjudicedag'in de
likes oh me dat dey would hab me locked
up by de perlice case dey doan't bheve
in our schule of medicin', nohow.'
''Well, where did you expect to get a
permit to practice if not from the health
Officer
why, er gen'e'mup on Capitol Hill dun
tole me cud git one frum dat exercise
bod in hyah.'
The evening times., 1897-01-16
BowLERs SPLIT EVEN AGAIN.
Saengerbund and Washington Ath-
letics Each Won a Game.

The Saengerbund and Washington Ath-
letic Club bowling teams in the major
league bOwled set OF games on the alleys
OF the latter last night, and after strong,
steady bowling each team won game.
The home team won the first game by
sixteen pins, and the SaengeTs returned
the compliment by taking second by TWEEN
ty-fOur pins.
1t is remarkable fact about the bowling
OF these teams, that neither has won a
full set from the other, but have split even
each time they have come together.
Capt Kidd OF the W A c. led the evening
with 165 as the best single game, while
Fuller led with 5S I-2 as the highest ay-
erage. The result OF these games put the
W. A. c. and c. l. tie in standing.
Rice of c. /. still leads the league with
POI as the highest single game. The games
last night had plenty of difficult spares
Spicss ana Lane each had one of 6-l0;
Bodine, one Of 2-10: Kidd had 3-6-l0, and
Spiess, one of 1910.
Following are last nights scores:
The evening times., 1897-01-16
A Drunken CoIored Dwarf.

John Howard, a colored dwarf, with an
exceedingly large head and mouth, was in
court because of his fondness for strong
drink of the hummer variety, which
is retailed in the barrel houses for a nickel
for gill, with glass on the counter"
Policeman Elliott told the court that he
had charged John with vagrancy because
he had not drawn a sober breath since New
Years day. The prisoner had made ar
rangements, he added, toStay drunk during
the entire life Of the year 1897, provided
the grim reaper did not call hEn to account
in the meantime.
The prisoner said he had not been drunk
every day, as times were too hard to get
whisky and gin.
80 hard times is the only thing that
would keep you sober, eh?'' remarked his
honor.
John acknowledged that he had made ST
by putting in coal yesterday, and promptly
spent 65 cents of it for gilIs of gin.
mo wonder you was drunk" commented
the court. Fifteen days"
The evening times., 1897-01-16
Lost His Bea rings.

Edward Buchanan, a Stylishly -attiredem-
ploye of the Capitol. was intoxicated last
night and lost his bearings. He boarded
Seventh street cable train and imagined he
was on the steam cars, bound for New York,
When the conductor unloaded Buchanan at
Seventh street and Florida avenue, he
thought he was on the Hackensack Mead
ows.
Edward was in an alcoholic daze. and
Will wand dering aimlessly about the
suburbs at 2o'clock this morning Policeman
Jett ran him into the Eighth precinct sta
ton as a suspicious character.
When Buchanan made known his identity
in court this morning and said he lives at
No. 521 L street, Judge Kimballremarked
THE trouble is this man had on a jag
and he wandered about, not knowing
what he was doing. The officer did right
in arEesting him. Case dismissed
The evening times., 1897-01-16
News From the Force.

Lieut.. F. Brooke Amiss, in charge of
the First precinct, is detained at his home
by illness.
sergt. william F Falvey and Patrolmen
Michael Lynch and Thaddeus Bean, of
Lieut.. Kellys precinct, are on leave.
Patrolmen C. II. Bradley and j. Conlon
OF the Georgetown precinct, and r. G. Up
perman and P. II. Mcnamara, ofthe Eighth,
are on leave.
Policemen C. a Evans and NJ. A. Foley,
of the Eighth, who are mixed up in the
division scandal, have been officially
entered upon the suspended list.
Among tie latest additions to the list OF
policemen who are absent from duty
owing to sickness, are the names of Pri-
Yates j. a. Boyce, OF the First, who is sta
toned at the Ninth and F streets junction;
j. J. Sullivan, OF the Sixth; Mounted Pa
trolman j. N FifieId, of No. 8, and c. l..
Dalry1nple, of the Ninth.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
A Lucky Inventor.

Sleepy Eye, Mich, Jan. 16.-The sale OF
the Bramble rotary engine to the Allen
syndicate OF London, England, has been
consummated and the Sleepy Eye inventor
has letters of credit on the Bank of Eng
land for S6,7o0.00O. The amounts paid
were: For the English patent, 81, 900 600;
for France and Germany, 1000 900; for
the United States, So, 100, 900.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
AN INDIA RUBBER THIEF.
The Police Have Been Asked to
Catch a Fugitive From Justice.

Inspector Hollinberger has been re
quested to look out for David Toker alias
David Horwitz, alias Joseph Davis,
native of kowna, Lithuania, Russia, a
peddler by occupation, who is wanted in
South New Jersey for horse stealing and
wholesale store robbery.
lie is twenty six years of age, and broke
Jail at Bel Air, Md. on January 3. Heis
supposed TO be in Washington. Owing to
Toker's peculiar physical construction, he
is known as 1.-THE India-Rubber Burglar
and the police say he can squeeze through
an opening six by thirteen inches in size.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
A Cowboy From Gaithersbu rg.

Robert Wallach, colored, supposed to be
q fugitive from justice, was charged in
Judge MiIler's police court this forenoon
by Policemen Coghill and Walsh with car
rying concealed weapons, arevolver andra-
zor; also with discharging the pistol on Sec
ond street, near the Capitol. The prinoner
pleaded guilty TO both charges.
Il is frum Gaithersburg,'' he said, IAN
jess shot off de pistol as wuz comm long
de street,
what for,' asked his honor, ito let the
people of washington know you had ar
rived?''
ssYeg, sab; dat's it," replied Wallach,
cunning looking negro.
well, Walach, you will have to go to
Jail for six months
The evening times., 1897-01-16
Too Cold to Think.

This was "vag.t day in Judge Kimball' S
court. The first eulprit to face his honor
was John Burnes, a shivering looking hobo,
who was arrested last night for street
begging. Burnes presented the appear
ance OF a man half dead from hunger and
exposure.
what made you beg for money last
night?" asked the Judge.
II was so cold, sir, that did not know
what | was DOING
The prisoner acknowledged that he had
been arrested three times before, and was
sent down for fifteen days TO thaw out.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
Colored Thieves sentenced.

Elijah Lewis and Thomas Kidw ell, meni-
bers of the South Washington gang OF COL
ored thieves, who were raided by Detec-
tives Weldon and Horne, Sergt. Daley and
Patrolnan Anderson, as told In The Morn
ing Tirnes, were arraigned in Judge Miller's
police court today on four charges of petit
larceny. They were each sentenced to
serve sixteen months in jail-four months
in each case.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
THE PACIFIC RAILROADS DEBT.
The Senate COmmitte e Agrees on the
Gear Bill for settlement.

The Senate Committee on Pacific Rail
roads, after a long session yesterday
morning, agreed to report favorably the
Gear bill, providing for q commission, con-
ssting of the Attorney General and the
Secretaries of the Treasury and the In
terror, for the settlement Of the debts of
those roads The bill is similar to that in
troduced in the House, and is Identical with
the substitute which was offered in the
House by Representative Harrison Monday
when the refunding bill was defeated.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
Good Clothing

poor what you get HERE
during this DISSOLUTION SALE OF this entire stock of
nobby, stylish and seasonabe garments at ONE-THIRD
OFF of regular prices Not garment the whole stock
what made for regular trade and is of usual
high quality and you know what that means-the best to
be obtained auywhere-aud EVERYTHING-a11 Suits,
Overcoats listers, Hats Shoes and Furnishings-fo
and chdren-are yours uniform discount Of
3315 PER CENT. Nothing is reserved-every thing
iuto CASH Not price ticket has changed
Make your own reduction of ONE-THIRD from marked
prices.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
$500 A MONTH
This Includes All Medicines

The majority OF the patients who seek DR..
Walker and take his treatment do not do
so because the charge is so exceptionally y
low, but because they are satisfied by the
evidence before the world that the treat
ment is founded on sounder theory and
attended with better practical results than
any other speciality system known.
DR.. Walker is the oldest specialist in
Washington, and his office will be found TO
be most deliberately fitted up with all the
modern appliances and apparatus (many of
them his own inventionj Tor the diagnosis
and treatment of diseases in their various
stages.
For speedy relief and permane Mt cure in
all cases which are durable, in fact, in cases
which have been pronounced hopeless by
other doctors, nothing in the wide world
is so effiCaciOUs as the wonderful treat
ment OF Dr.. Walker.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
He Begged From an Officer.

Frank Hodge, printer, who has just ar
rived from Boston, made the fatal mistake
last night OF begging from Policeman Nc
Daniels, who was i'll citizens clothes He
was charged with vagrancy, and went to
the workhOUse for thirty days
The evening times., 1897-01-16
A DWARfs DRUNKENNESS
John Howard Has Been Drunk
Since New Years Day.
THE TWO WILLIAMSES' STORY
A Barber and a Butcher by Name
and Not Trade Were Accused of
Profanity, But the Judge Was
Impressed by Their Truthful
Bea ring and Let Them Go.

William Washington and william Hen
son, colored, engaged in a scrap with
several colored boys on l. street last Sun
day. Officer vermillion saw the con.
flict, and roped in the two Williams.
In court this morning Charles Christy,
John Coates and Felix Braxton testified as
to the character of the affray, which they
claim was unwarranted and unprovoked.
The charge against the defendants was
changed from disorderly conduct to as
sault, and they were tried before Judge
Miller on that count.
The Judge Believed Them.
George Baker and William Butcher, col
ored, were in the vicinity OF Tenth and K
streets on Thursday.
Baker and Butcher" repeated Bailiff
Cole; that combination of names makes
me hungry"
Policeman Gouldman took the stand and
testified that the defendants were at
Tenth and II streets on the night in ques-
ton, when a couple of colored girls came
along. The boys hailed the girls and then
ensued conversation in which hilarity
and profanity struggled for supremacy.
The defendants put up u good appearance
in court, possessing intelligent features and
wearing good apparel. Florence MoultOn,
one OF the charmers in the case, said that
when she came up to the boys she spoketo
them, but that their conversation was
conducted in a quiet and modest manner.
: She denied that the coterie used profanity.
She secuted the idea.
Indeed, sir" she said, II was Just
coming from the Fitch Baptist Church. How
could l have done any cursing?"
She said that the officer approached them
and said: " You all will have TO get off this
corner, or / will have to run you in"
Butcher next took the stand. He denied
having INDUCED in any profanity. The rest
of his testimony corroborated FIorence's
assertions. His honor concluded that mat
tiers were unduly magnified in the eyes OF
the policemen and dismissed the case.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
|. Pension for Generals, Widows.

AT the session of the House last night
round dozen of pension bills were passed
The widows Of Gen. Green Clay Smith and
Gen. A. Morrow, of this city, were the ben
eficiaries in two of the bills passed. the
former receiving a pension of 500 month
and the latter of SO per month.
The evening times., 1897-01-16
Catarrh and Colds Relieved in 10

breath through the Flower, supplied with
each bottle Of Dr. Agnew's Catarrhal
Powder diffuses this Powder over the
surface of the nasal passages. Pain
less and delightful to use 1t relieves
instantly, and permanently cures Catarrh.
Hay Fever, Colds, Headache. Sore Throat,
Tonsilitis and Deafness. so cents.
Sold by +. S. Williams & Co., Ninth and
streets, and Edmonds & Williams, Third
and PENNSYLVANIA avenue
The evening times., 1897-01-16

The dread of doctors bills born of long
and bitter experience-a dark spot in ne arly
every household, where il has hung like "A
pail over the bread winner of the family is
never even to be thought OF by those who
undertake Dr.. Walkers treatment. He
stands now, IN the past, the peoples
champion for scientific medical and surgical
skill Mt a minimum cost
The evening times., 1897-01-16
Sports in General.

Dan Creedon has accepted Kid Nc
Coys challenge to fight in johannesburg,
South Africa, for the middeweight cham
pionship and the $4,000 purse offered.
The Greater New York A. c. has ar
ranged a bout between Jim Hall and
Steve O'Donnell. 1t viii take place on
February /, and viii be for twenty rounds
or more.
Corbett has issued the following state
meut: II am in excellent condition. Will
60 into training on February for my
fight with Fitz. viii lick him in fifteen
rounds
Billy Leedom, OF Philadelphia, and Billy
Mccarthy of Australia, boxed ten tame
rounds in Brooklyn last night. and at the
end Joe Cboynski, who refereed, gave Lee
dom the decision.
The Carson City location for the Corbett-
FnZsimnons fight was almost confirmed
by Corbett last night. He has evidently
been advised 10y Stuart and has shaped his
plans accordingly.
Corbett's scenery was attached at San
dusky, Ohio, Thursday night, on a claim
of $500, held to be due for a Cancelled
date. He deposited $3.50 for a hearing
and went on TO Cleveland.
Tom o'Rourke has notified Solly Smith
that he viii give him chance to meet
Broadway A. c., and that he W ill also offer
30 per cent of the gross receipts for the
contest.
In speaking of the Grammar case re-
Gently, Mr.. Galway, one of the Jockey
Club stew ards, said: IF Grammar or any
one else thinks that we have nothing more
against him than the matter involved in
the present to Taral. he is very much
mistaken" This is the first time that any
Tl,,A sal l,oo s,,af.
there is other evidence against Grammar
than the giving Qf $500 to Fred Taral.
The most important point of Judge Os-
borne's decision in the Grammar case is
that it establishes the legality of racing;
that il comedies the right of the Jockey
Club and racing associations under it's iur-
isdictiou 30 make such rules and regiila-
tions as seem to be for the best inter
ests of the sport. The jurisdiction of the
Jockey Club is now more firmly established
than ever before, and very few men will
attempt any wrong-doing.