Oxford Democrat., 1897-01-19
As NEEDED EXERCISE.
50 DrxErRrUs THOUGHT HE'D REMOVE
THE AWNING.

s'Fannie, !. said Demetrius Hungerford,
~ he deposited his overcoat upon the
ceuter table In the parlor, ~ have
decided to take down the awnings my.
self. ] need exercise, and l may 10 well
saye couple Of dollars while getting Il
- not. The idea Of wanting 30 cents
apiece for taking down awnings. Ill
bet ! can take down every awning we've
Tot inside Of half an hour"
Then he went to work. The step lad
der wasn't high enough, 30 he tried to
hang to q post while removing the
screws and hooks that supported the
porch awnings. While he was hanging
there working and sweating, his fair
young vile came out to see how he was
getting along.
"Why, Demetrius Hungerford!" she
exclaimed. "Do you know what kind
OF spectacle you are making Of your
self with your legs wrapped around that
post. Your trousers are pushed up near
ly to your knees, and you look perfectly
scandalous. what'll the nelghbors
thinks.
LET EN- think what they please!"
He didn't say It just that way, but no
matter. As he finished speaking, his
screwdriver slipped, and he knocked
about four square inches OF skin of the
back Of his right hand. Slipping down
the post until he reached the floor, he
stood and glared at his wife moment,
and then said:
Say, what do you want to come
around here bothering person for? II
II hadn't been for your senseless clack
about what the neighbors'll think, I'd
have had this awning down now"
After she had retreatcd he resumed
operations on the same old post, and
Hnally succeeded In removing the last
hook, when the end Of the awning went
down with crash, warping the frame
and tearing the canvas up through the
middle.
Mr.. Demetrius Hungerford drew one
OF his sleeves across his brow and painted
lot Of heartfelt pants, ut the same time
thinking things totally unfit for publica-
ton.
After brief rest he went to the other
end Of the porch, climbed up the post
and resumed work. By this time his
tongue was hanging out considerable
distance, aud several large sections OF
his clothes were gone, not TO mention
the buttons and the raw material that he
had lost.
Talking TO himself and the world 10
general, he said, after pegging In vain
| for five minutes at one Of the hooks:
II guess the fool" (it Is always TO be
remembered that We are publishing an
expurgated edition OF the gentleman's re-
marks ~ guess the fool who put this
awning up thought It would never have
TO be taken down again.
"Hello! Taking little exerciseg
said one Of Mr.. Hungerford's neighbors,
who happened to be passing at that
minute.
"Yep! trying to-" said the gentleman
on the post, as he endeavored to shift
his position and get tighter grip viii
his legs.
"Aren't you afraid you'll fix youl
awnings so you'll have to get new ones
next yeary'
No. replied Demetrius Hungerford
with tinge Of bitterness In his tone, III
do guess nobody else will have Il
paw for them"
The neighbOr went on, and Mr.. Hun
gerford, having become impatient. tool
hold Of the iron awning frame and CAV,
II q savage jerk, more for the purpose o.
affording vent to his feelings than any
thing else. But the screw that held tn,
frame broke. and the whole contrivanc,
went downSin chaotic heap, with tn
hero Of this sketch mixed up In 1t some
where near the bottom.
The noise that he made when the sid,
OF his head struck the porch railing, ant
the harsh things that he said after re-
covering consciousness, together will
the screams uttered by his wife, servet
TO bring all but one or two persons with
In radius OF half mile to the scene.
Carefully the kind people gathered uI
what was left Of him and the awninl
and put them away--the awning into tn
cellar and Demetrius Hungerford Int,
his bed. He protested agsiust thei
ministrations, declaring that he was al
right, and that he would take down tn
rest Of those awnings or break hi
"blsmed neck" but they would not lis
ten to him. They told him that ther,
were laws In this country to prevent self
destruction, and they closed their ear
against the passionate things that h
said about them.
After he had taken a stimulant an,
had begun to rest easy his loving wifi
telcphoned to the awning people, an,
they finished the job that her husban,
had so nobly begun, throwing of 5
cents In consideration OF his effort
Cleveland Plain Dealer.