Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-10-25
HuMOR OF THE DAY.


"What is the objection of the poll.
ticians to the civil-service reform sys-
temp" 'The examination questions.
Truth.
"What queer look that fellow
across the corridor has," eyes, he
has the pedestrian face. Doesn't ride"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Freddie-''Ma, what is the baby's
name9" Ma-'The baby hasn't any
name" Freddie Then how did he
know he belonged ?"-Tit-Bits
"Hit am er unfawchnit fack," said
Uncle Eben, "dat de more reason q
man hab foh indignation de less COM
fort he's gwinter git out of it. Wash
ington Star.
''The doctor put my husband on his
feet in a week." she exclaimed. "Tt
was no trouble at all. The bill he
presented fairly lifted him out of bed"
Chicago Record.
''She insists that her baby is the
picture of its papa and it doesn't look
bit like him." "Ah, yes; she has
much of the true artist about her, after
all. Detroit journal.
Fair Critic-'I always admire the
characters in your books" Novelist
You think them bright, eh?" Fair
Critic-"Well, they all seem to be very
widely read Truth.
"My wife will be the first Klondike
widow" "Why? Are you going?"
mo; but I'm being talked to death by
men who want to borrow money to get
there. Chicago Record.
First Boarder-'T wonder the land
lady lets him stay. Everybody can
see that he drinks" Second Boarder
Yes; but he never has any appetite
in the morning. Puck.
He-"Will you fly with me?" She
-"Certainly. Bring your air-ship
around at o'clock, and I'll be all
ready but putting on my hat. Then
we can start at 4"-Somerville Jour.
nal.
Carrie-"He said he would 60 to
the end of the earth for me-" Maud
-"What did you say?" Carrie-'T
proposed that he compromise, and
simply go home. Philadelphia North
American.
"Want your money for sweeping
the chimney, do you? Look at the
beastly mess you've made on the car
pet. You can ask till you'pe black in
the face before you get any coin from
mel"-Judy.
81 am so glad to know yon, Mrs. de
Cycle. Maize has spoken of you so
often. oh, excuse me, do you ride
wheel?" "Of course I do, Mrs. Van
Gear. What funny question:
troit Free Press.
New Simply because
woman marries a man is no reason why
she should take his name" Old
Observation-Disclosures so. The poor fellow
ought to be allowed to keep something
he could call his own. Judge.
In the Park: 'Little Miss Muffet
ct don't suppose L ought to go
awound all alone with a gentleman
like you, Mr.. Donkey Boy, but gueth
it's all right. The donkey is as good
as most chaperons. "-Harper's Bazaar.
I" "They say, Grumpy, that the Queen
of England has sixty pianos, and
doesn't play any of them" "I'm a
little bit cramped this spring, but I'll
buy my daughter fifty-nine more il
she'll follow the Queens example. -
Household Words.
Mamie, if 1 were you I wouldn't
go with Jay Burd. He is q very ir-
reverent young man. I don't believe
he ever gets on his knees. "Maybe
not, ma, but know somebody who
does" And then she blushed. -
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The pupils in a school were asked
to give in writing the difference be-
tween biped and quadruped. One
boy gave the following: "A biped
has two legs and quadruped has
four legs; therefore the difference be-
tween biped and quadruped is two
legs. Tit
The seashore boarder was accosted
in the dark lane leading to the hotel
by man with cleaning revolver.
Glands upl" shouted the thug. "Oh,
say, landlord, replied the boarder,
you're not going to collect till my
weeks up, are you?"-Philadelphia
North American.
81 am very much shocked, said the
European Statesman, sat the tone of
your country's protest. 1t was not
polite" "Well, replied the man from
the United States, after some thought,
''maybe they thought that what you
did to call forth the protest wasn't
very polite, either. Washington
stsr.