The Opelousas courier., 1897-08-28

she-"What do you think OF tho way
| speak German?' lIe-"Oh. It beats
the Dutch."-Yonkers Statesman.
"Has Or. hansen any social stand
Ing" "Dear me. yes. lie moves In
the highest circles."-New York Sun
He-You girls seem to be awfully
fond OF sweets. She-And you men
seem to DO awfully fond Of sours.-Cor-
nell Widow.
Stern father--I hear you were out
gambling last night. Is it true? Gay
youth-No, sir; I was ahead.-New
York Journal.
Beggar-Please, sir. I'm so exhausted
can't get my breath and Gentle
man-Here's five cents; 80 and buy
cne.-Harleln Life.
Mr. New Hub--What does it mean
when a bride promises to obey? Mrs
New Hub-simply that she prefers not
to make a scene.-Puck.
The doctor-It's twins, sir. Young
husband-I might have known It,: it's
my wife's theory that two car live as
cheaply as one-Tid-Bits.
freddie is Jealous of his preroga.
tives, isn't her "What makes you
say So :" "He got angry the other night
and told me not to be a fool."-New
York Sun.
DO you think Skinner can make q
living out there?" make q living!
Why, he'd make a living on a rock in
tho middle Of the ocean-if there was
another man on the rock."-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Spat-Your husband Ia an in.
ventor, ! believe? Mrs. Spotter-Yes.
Some Of his excuses for coming home
late at night are in use all over tho
country.-Philadelphla North Ameri.
can.
"Won't you take this seat?" said the
gentleman in the car. rising and Lifting
his hat. "No, thank you" said the girl
with the skates on her arm; 1--WE been
skating, and I'm tired sitting down.
Yonkers Statesman.
IF / didn't love my husband, I'd stab
him to deathw exclaimed the warm
blooded lady from New Orleans. 7
wouldn't" said the Chicago woman;
'1'd get a divorce and stick him for
alimony."-Town Topics.
"And how did he diey' asked the lady
who had come West to inquire after
the husband she had lost "Er-by re-
quest, ma'am." said the gentle COW
boy, as mildly and regretfully as posi-
ble.-1ndianapolis Journal.
"Who Is that young woman near the
other end Of the table talking about
correct taste in artT' (Which young
woman? There are several" 1.-THE one
with the wooden toothpick in het
mouth."-Chicago Tribune.
do you see anything coming ouI
way7" asked the morning star Of q
companion. mot yet" was the reply;
"but I see a servant below there who
Is about to light her kitchen Gre with
kerosene."-Yonkers Statesman
"It's perfectly absurd, this clamo'
about cur hats. People who can't ses
over them would better not 90 to- ths
theater." II know; that's what l told
my husband, and he said, AN right. va
won't 60; and we don't."-Bazar.
simonsby-1 have a chance to marry
two girls; one is pretty, but q mere out
terfy, as it were, and the other. though
pIain. is an excellent housekeeper.
Mr., Rus Of Chicago-Take the pref
ty one hrst.-7ndianapolis Journal.
"How long have you been on this
route7" asked the drummer OF the
| conductor 0 q primitive Southern
railroad. "Ten yeahs, sub" Indeed!
You must have gotten on several miles
south Of where / did."-Detroit Free
Press.
Ec-"Now that our engagement IL
ended, / suppose we should return
each others letters" she-"l suppose
SO. And, George, while we are abous
It. why not return each others kissesT'
Engagement renewed on the spot
| Boston Transcript.
A young student lately presented
himself for examination and ignomin-
iously failed. To his family, anxious
to hear Of his success, be telegrapoeo
thus: ORGANIZATION splendid; profess
aors enthusiastic. They wish Tor Q go
ond in October "-Tit-BitA
Paul Kevore's Weathtrcock
vaY, roraunhnr NJ carraN ali ah0Nf