The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-08-04
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

II can't buy the bicycle. It's too
heavy" ''Well, I'll throw in a lamp.
That'll make it lighter. STANDARD.
Miss Wantokno-"w What did YOU
think of Niagara Falls?" Miss In.
tense-"O, they are simply too quaint
for anything. Truth.
''There's one consolation about in.
somnia," remarked the sufferer.
"What is that?" "While 1 lie awake
don't have nightmare. Judge.
> zone gets a certain finish abroad I
fancy" eyes, one goes over there,
and they tell her she can't sing, and
that's the end of her. Detroit Jour
nal.
1t has tendency to weaken ones
faith in human nature when one sees
the apothecary shaking hands effusively
with ones physician. Boston Tran.
script.
TOO bad about Wellington getting
killed by live wire" Wasn't il,
though? Hereditary, however. His
father was killed by Lightning. Gin
cinnati Enquirer.
May-'I wouldn't break nv heart
over the best man in the world" Cha
peron-"Certainly not, dear. 1t is
over the worst man that girls break
their hearts. Truth.
She-"Are you sure you will like
married life as well as you do the
club?" He-"Oh, yes!" She-"And
are you SO awfully fond of your club?"
He--''Not very."-London Tid-Bits.
"What is the matter with the India
rubber man? He is using dreadful
language" said the fat lady. "It's
raining hard, and he can't find his
goloshes, said the skeleton dude
Harper's Bazaar.
Bakon-"Do you think the race is
degenerating?" Shikspur - ''Well,
when look back to my young days
-" Bakon-"Oh, 1 didn't mean
anything PERSONAL referred to the
race generally"
"Why are all the boys dodgingP"
Because the teacher is about to throw
the ruler at bad Tommy" "Then
why doesn't Tommy dodge?" ''Be-
cause the teacher is going to throw at
Tommy. Truth.
"Hello! old man, how are you?"
"Wretchedl wretched! I've had an at
tack of the grippe, and it's left me so
weak can hardly crawl" "What do
you want to crawl for? Why don't
you ?"-Puck.
Lawyer-'I am afraid 1 can't do
much for you. They seem to have
conclusive evidence that you committed
the burglary" Client-"Can't you
object to the evidence as immatefial
and irrelevant?"-London Tid-Bits.
Mrs. Henpeck-"Young Mrs. Bag
ley, who was married ON last Thurs
day, tells me her husband left almost
immediately for the West on a busi-
ness trip" Henpeck (viciously)-
eyes, he writes me that he finds mar
ried life very happy existence. =
Philadelphia North American.
Patient-"Isn't it little dangerous
to administer anestheticsP Must be
terrible to have one die in your chair
after you have given him ether" Dem
tist-"Yes; 1t was for that reason that
we adopted rule that where an anes-
thetic is administered the patient must
pay in advance. Boston Transcript
A poor Irishman ON his death-bed
was consoled by friend by the COM
monplace reflection that ''We must all
die once" ''Why, dear, now, cried
the sick man, "and isn't that what
vexes me? If could die half dozen
times, 1 would not mind il for this
wanst. London Household Words,
A Judge, when on circuit in the
West lately, in delivering the charge
to the Grand Jury, said: Gentlemen,
you have heard the evidence. The
indictment says the prisoner was ar
rested for stealing pigs. The offense
seems to be getting common one.
The time is coming when this must be
put a stop to; otherwise, gentlemen,
we shall none of us be safe. Stand