The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-25

average individual takes down that
humble volume known as the city di-
~rectory, looks up the street and num-
Der of the man he is looking for, goes
out and halls a car and forgets the
work entirely. The city directory, how
ever, is a useful volume in more ways
than one To presume that its use
fulness is confined to the simple giving
of the name and addresses Of all the
people of the city, and an occasional
allusion TO Frog in your throat or
Good morning; have you used Pear
soap" is folly. Close study of its
pages Will bring to the surface facts
which you would not have believed.
1t is presumed that in the city of
Salt Lake there are close on to 10000
people. One would presume they were
nearly all of one color, but from an
examination of the volume compiled by
that eminent writer, r. L. Polk-as-
sisted by his amanuensis-& Co, one
learns that this is not so; that there
are 70 White and / Whiteman in town,
while l is Light, 1e Black, 165 Brown,
IS Grey, 2 Scarlet, Al Green, Green
man, s Darke, ] Blue, l Fair and an
other Fairer.
The habits of the people are some
what peculiar. Their idiosyncrasies
are set forth as follows: Four are
Moody, Blunt, 35 Sharp, 3 Keen, 1
Crisp, l Blythe, ! Gay, 1 Lively, 3
Grave. l Rude (wonder of wonders,
this man is a hotel clerk), l Bright, 4
Eager, Dull and 1'Dummer, Daft
One is Howlin and 10 Howels, l Crye
and Bray.
They are made up funny, too. Seven
are Tall and Short, Wabbel and 4
Waddel; l is Lark and IL Long, with l
Longfellow: IS are Little and l Low,
and in all the list there are but two
Kids, which is something to cause
surprise when one passes a school
house and notes the attendance. Three
are Hefty and Lusty; 80 are Hardy,
3 are Done and l Finished. Two Work
and Doolittle. One is a Cousin to
someone, and While there are many
Farmers on the list, it is strange to
notice that there is but one Country
man.
There are several odd things. For
instance, there is one Aaron and two
Noses and Aaron is one of the
MOseses, his name being Aaron Moses.
This is a sort of reincarnation, so to
speak, where one man fills two places
in the world.
There are 80 Adams and 1 Eve, her
front name being Lucy Although
there are seven Adamsons accounted
for, there is no record that Eve is the
wife of any of the Adams; and what
is more odd than all is that when the
sons of Adam are figured up there are
l Abel and Gains. Of the entire pop
ulation, l is Old and / Older, though
how much is not stated. There are
$50 Young and / Youngson, but whose
the page does not recite. One man is
Wild, q Woolley, II Savage and l
Tame. This last person is supposed to
be kept in cage. One is AskeW and
one is Straight. How the others size
up is matter of conjecture. Two are
Good and are GoodfelloWs, while 3
are Crooks and l is Bader.
There are two Churches, which have
16 Bells and l Sexton. There are "a
Abbots, "a Parsons, IS Bishops,
Deans, Laymen, Popes and
Priestley person.
Modern Alexanders viii have 90 do
the weeping the original warrior did
In old days the great wept because
there were no more worlds to conquer.
The one Alexander in the directory has
three Worlds to battle with.
When it comes to the jovial portion
of the list we find Beers and / Sour
beer; Lovett and l is Fulop, while
3 are Fuller This is a bad condition.
Ratio is knocked all to smithereens.
There are four Could and 16 Silver
Poverty does not prevail to any
alarming extent. There are 16 Rich,
, Rothschilds and not a Poorman on
the list
Salt Lake could stock a kingdom in
though there are but > Queens. How
ever there are 10 Jacks, which might do
in a pinch. There are Dukes, 10
Knights. y Squires, 10 Earls and 10
Mobiles, enough to supply a respectable
kingdom for the time being. Most any
kingdom could worry along without
any more for a few weeks at any rate
There must be polyandry existing
somewhere, as there are u Husbands
and but one Frou, condition which
merits an investigation.
One could start a menagerie and
aquarium here without any trouble
There are s Badgers and l Whale, Il
Hawks and II Birds, Bucks, s Bulls, !
Bullocks. Camel, CRADLES, % Cranes, !
l Mink, Groves. / Dogge, 3 brakes. 3
Lambs, 6 Nightingales. , Partridges, 4 /
Peacocks, Fish, and ) Haddock, with |
numerous Finch. Unless these are
taken care of the % Hunters and %
Fishers are likely to cause trouble 7
among them.
The book shows that in the city are /
Z Rivers among them being three or /
four Jordans and one or two Hudsons, /
20 Brooks with II Bridges, Ferrys /
and 50 Fords. including the ex-ser- !
geant of police, who is away.
In The line of finance, the city is
badly off. There are Dollars, / Ducat /
and / Penny. There are 6 Banks and .
5 Bankers for the storage and care of .
1he same.
In the matter of occupations there
are IL Barriers in the city, although
there is but 1 Beard. There are %
Bakers and 10 Butchers, % Buffers,
Carpenters, 80 Cooks, 30 Coopers, IA
Masons. 156 Millers, although there is
but l Mill. but that viii not cut any
figure after Glen Miller is made
United States marshal. The Miller
family Will then be in clover. There
are 2 Miners, . Sawyers, although az
present there is but l Sawin. Smiths.
There are Smiths until you cannot rest
800 is the number up to date.
There is enough material on hand to
construct great navy. In fact there
is one already constructed. There are .
Crafts and Il Ships and l Ark. and that
IS more than the entire United States
had a few years ago.
There is but one Sahler, however, and
q naval recruiting station would have
10 be opened, for which there is 1 Ser
geant to be placed in charge.
For war we are heeled. There are 20
Bowman and l Arrowsmith for imple-
date use besides Archers. We have
8 Gums and sc Cannons. 4 Spears and
Shields.
Although none of the population is
designated as Mudd. are named
Dennis.
There are . Winters and 20 Shows, 3
Summers and 1 Rainey.
Two people Gamble, Noall and 1
Noasit. One is Early and 1 Late
u,t,e,.a a re a whole lot of funny things