Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-09-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ii some men had brains in propor-
ton to their gall, the whole world
would be subject to foreclosure at their
pleasure.
A man must toll ere pleasures thrill
Relieves this life SO vexed.
you've got to pedal up one hill
Ere you can coast the next.
Washington Star.
Five dollars!" exclaimed an indig-
nant man who had used the long-dis-
tance phone for as many minutes,
"and yet they cay talk is cheap. ~
Judge.
First Bather-''What makes the
water so full of weeds?" Second
Bather-'I counted eight widows in
bathing this morning. Philadelphia
Record.
She-'T never expected to work
like this when L married you" He
- didn't suppose you cared. You
worked hard enough to get me, didn't
you?"-Indianapolis Journal.
swell yachting club from Duouesne
Went sailing one day on the mesne,
But tho white winged yacht
Rocked until the whole lacht
All wished for dry land once agesne.
Puck.
''Sad about the Duzenstickers.
"Whats the matter?" "They've lived
together fifteen years, and they never
had quarrel until lately, when they
bought bicycles of different makes"
Chicago Record.
Her Tiresome Admirer-eI don't
believe you have thought of me since
I've been away" She-"Well, you
know very well that the doctor gave
me strict orders to do nothing that
would tire me. Standard.
The Court Gentlemen of the jury,
have you agreed upon verdict?"
Foreman lin the Far West)-"The
gents has, but that stubborn cuss in
No. seat won't agree with us. -
Philadelphia North American.
'Mrs. Meeker," observed friend
of the family, sis very superior wo-
man. She can converse intelligently,
1 believe, on thousand different
topics" "Yes," sighed Mr.. Meeker,
"and she does. Chicago Tribune.
Marriage" said the puffy man,
"made me what am to-day. Marriage
is the mighty engine of civilization" Z"
''Then," remarked McCorker, "you
are not self, but machine made, sup
pose. philadelphia North American.
"What in the world is Smithers
building on the lot next door?" ga
cold storage house." ''To keep his
meats and groceries from spoiling?"
mo; to keep his daily supply of ice
from melting away. Cincinnati Tri-
bune.
"How fashions do cbange!' ex-
claimed Mrs. Snaggs. 'HThat is very
true, asserted Mr.. Snaggs. "Women
used to wear dresses, then they began
to wear gowns, and now they wear
frocks. Pittsburg Chronicle
graph.
Blinks latter long absence) )-"And
how is Jinks getting along? Is he
madly in love with Miss De Pretty as
ever?" Old Friend-"Oh! he's all
over that" "You don't say SOP"
Eyes, indeed! Been married to her q
year. New York Weekly.
"What do you mean, sir" roared
the irate father, "by bringing your
portmanteau to my house and ordering
a room?" 'I'm adopted as one of the
family" coolly answered the young
man. "Your daughter said she would
be a sister to me. standard.
Wheeler-''Have you learned to
make the repairs on your wheel yet?"
Sprock- never shall, either.
I haven't bit of mechanical genius"
"Oh, yes, You have" Indeed, I
haven't. 1 couldn't even invent car
coupler. ."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Do you think" said the lady who
was shopping, that anybody would
steal this umbrella if were to leave it
for few minutes?" "Really, madam" :"
replied the clerk, ST shouldn't like to
venture an opinion without first ex-
amining the umbrella. Washington
Star.
Salesman-''If the goods are not
just as represented, we will cheerfully
refund your money" Rural Gus
tomer-''Don't tell me sech yarnss as
that, young mani Ye might gimme
me money back, but faint human ma
tur fer ye to be cheerful about doin'
it. Puck.
"I suppose" said the amateur
botanist, "that orchids are the most
expensive plants in the world" ST
am not so sure of that" replied Mr..
Dinwiddie. 81 have seen the asser-
ton that $500, 900, 600 is invested in
electric-light plants in this country"
-Pittsburg Chronicle-T Telegraph.
r..,,.;.,, 90 St.....