Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-11-28
" MONKEY SHINES.'
THE DLER TELLS OF THE FUNNY
WAYS OF MONEYED PEOPLE.
ROW THEY CHANGE THEIR NAMES.
The Introduction of French for
Polite LnDEuHSe-How TO Get Into
Soclety-It's n Long and WcarisOme
Apprenticeship.

Apprenticeship.
When people get a little money and
come 20 town to live, there's no telling
what monkey shines they'll cut up. In
let. a few years Of prosperity will place
them almost beyond Identification. Espe-
csI'y IS this the case with their names,
which. under the influence Of cash and
good society, undergo the most wonder
f1I changes. Up In Hanover we used
70 know n fellow named william, though
'Buck' was the way we generally ad-
dressed him. He came to town. believe
De walked down all the way from the
cJunty-sad the next we heard OF him he
was making monCy-yes, making it hand
over fist He didn't write to us often, pos
slhly on account Of the high price Of
p0stare-stamps. but when at last he did
respond 70 the messages We sent him we
saw that he was no longer Buck" He
signed himself "Wnl." though he adj
mIttal that the girls sometimes called
him Willie" spelt with a "Y." William
alias Buck alias VIII alias Wyllye, was
one Of many from that same old county
az yer7immons and y-cotton-tails who
have forgotten their names. Lucy, the
queen TegIant Of our corn-shuckings, like
wise drlfted 10 the city, and substituted
monkey business for the calico gowns
she used TO wear. She learned to play
progressive euchre and TO drag her feet
IN the dizzy twO-step, and, then. with so
much learning. she began to forget. Be
fore we could stop her she was signing
herself Lucie. and, through It all, she
didn't seem 10 realize her mistake. This
f1rgetfulness on her part was followed
D. other curious lapses Of memory for
when we boys came TO town huCkstering
she didn't recognize a one one of us.
We might have gotten blazln' mad with
her but just about this time We also
noticed signs of mental alteration in our
fair friend Alice, who had also left the
county for hard-brick pavements and
dangerous crOssways. She, too. began to
act queerly, so we presumed inclpicnt
insanity was prevalent and epidemic in
the city. Alice Joined literary clubs, and
sWOre she loved Browning and Emerson,
and in so doing forgot spelling, and had
her name put on visiting cards as "AIyS.'
The freckled-faced gal from tho upper
s,ashes, who never did have much COM
pauy. and consequently said she hated
men. heard about al these strange do
lrgs In town and turned up her nose.
When she had contorted this organ until
q looked like a shepherds crook, she
suddenly decided she'd 80 20 the city
herself Her name was Dolly. No COM
u.ttees OF prominent citizens waited on
her 10 beg her 20 stay in the county
I5r were there any deuicks 70 pull her
or tho train when she got aboard. As
soon as she had removed her freckles
with lemon Juice she put on urban ways
and became active I'm Church work and
was on the board Of governors Of nine
teen charitable institutions. She didn't
cOrrec, the prOof-sneets when her name
was printed in the catalogue as
Dorothy" Dolly alias Dorothy wrote
20 her Hanover friend, Maggy. on mono
gram paper which had been spoiled by
the comp0sitOr's jumbling all her initials
up together and pictured city life 70 her.
Verify, she must have produced a gor-
geOI5 eIisto.agy chrome, for Maggie was
Of on the next days accommodation
and soon knew her way all over the
town. One month afterwards you could
give her the number OF store, and IN
an instant she could tell what street 1t
was on-whether 1t was First or Second
or Ninth or Tenth. She soon learned
10 walk on payements without hurting
her feet. and then she became interested
iG hypIOtism. In one Of these
hypnotic states she forgot her name,
and was henCefOrth known as Mar
glerite." Three years later, when she
came 20 the courthouse TO look after
lawsuit, she told US this meant "odisy
in French. We did not see It's appll-
cab.Ity 10 her, though folks and COWS
don't think much Of daisies in Hanover
anyhow.
LIZ Kalegreen never did get TO i've
in town herself, barring a brief visit OF
nineteen months which she paid some
city relatives in consideration OF a
'possum she sent them one Christmas,
but those nineteen months had a disas-
uous eject on her photography and
made her lose her head completely. II
wasn't q month before she had switched
her appellation around TO Lizzie" and
before We could get used 10 that. she
got 10 signing herself "Bcss." and then,
all In a lump. she swung Elizabeth"
70 her surname. And she did IL
all IN a flying VISIT Of nineteen months
among people who were overwhelmed
with their sense Of obligation on ac-
count Of that 'possum. When she got
back she called bureau a dresser"
and had us looking all over the barn
FOR an "escritoire." which she after
wards explained TO mean writing-desk.
She called a sidebaord a buffet" and
gggled when We asked her II It was
spolt "boO-fay" Several times she ex-
pressed regrets that her ma didn't have
q chiffoniere, which She pronounced
shf-fun-air. Doubtless she meant by
this that she was sorry there wasn't
some kind OF fun In the air. but just
what kind she meant I'm not going 10
Undertake to guess. II she had wanted
mosquitoes or gnats in the air we could
have flled the bill
II didn't take me any ten centuries 10
see that had TO do something 10 meet |
The pressure OF ali this Latin Il after
wards found out II was genuine French, !
ana i hustled off 10 the Clerk OF our |
County Court 10 get some OF that kind |
OF ammunition myself. IL took me some |
little time 20 chisel into his head just |
what wanted. but when at last ray |
OF understanding hickered into the |
aperture caused by my chiseling. he |
Loaded me down with a lot Of words |
-"'-,Aat~d to nees peopls who had lived !