The times., 1897-08-22
SQUAN CREEK FOLKS.
Jep Jones Tells About a Long-pe-
Iayed Swap of Jackknives.

4
Abraham osgood, except that he'd owned
the same umbrella for forty-two years, and
the only thing Hiram spooner could bras
about W as his payin 81 for gravestun' fur
his sust wife. They wus sittin' in parker's
grocery one night, each with his jack
knife out and whfttlin' away, when Abra-
ham looks over and says:
Hiram, it's mighty dun times In Squan
Creek Jest about now"
Mighty dull" replies Hiram.
Don't ye think We oFter set out and
poon things a leetle?"
As to h0w?"
Wall, we bin thinkin' it all over. and
mebbe I'd swop -jackknivss with ye 70
start things humnin' 1 dunno, though. as
tins knife o mine is razor steel and cost a
heap @ money
| They cent none o. 'em beat that thar
knife" saws Hiram, as he holds it cat to
view. Them blades was made by hand
and any one of 'en IL cut hd'T. Whar do
ye spose 1 got this knife3''
Bought her of a tin peddler. probably" >"
Don't be too smart, Abe Osgood. You
used ter know Uncle Billy Peak Wall, no
went off to the Pacific in d whaler. and
one day when his boat had killed whale
be found this ere knife stickin' in the
monsters side He brung il home and gin
it TO me for luck, and hadn't had IL but
one day when found dollar la the road
| That was all lie, and Abe OsgJod know
ed it, but he felt he must match il or be
looked down on In Squan Greek and SO he
looks at the knife and says:
| Hiram, 1 don't doubt what yod say,
cause I've seen whales with jackk nives
| sticsin' into 'ern with my own eyes but
iC don't begin with 10y knife here When
my grandfather was crossin' the plains IL
California ne bought this knife OF a IeIIcr
for $40, and 1 wouldn't take fifty this
mint fox it,
He must wantedit bad signs Hiram.
You bet he did, lie had a peg In his
loot which was stickin' into his heel and
he was Jest about TO run away from the
inJuns. lie wanted this knife TO cut that
peg OFT, and he laid down $50 quicker'n
scat and saved his scalp. The day aforeI
got this knife the doctor said my ole
woman couldn't git we'll OF typhoid fever.
but hadn't carried it two hours when she
was heap better spoke about maxim
a swop with ye In order to boom Sauan
Greek and git bizness on the hump. but ".
are so tafaal mean that | won't 90 it,
That was the very beginnin' OF the affair.
about month everybody in Squan Greek
began to take sides and argy and Kit mai
The women was drawed into it a. well as
the men, and thar wasn't DO more lendin'
OF qaiit-frames and flatirons and wash
boards. Bimeby the preacher felt called
upon to Interfere. cause 1t was agin ~.
ligun, and he goes to Hiram SpoOner and
says:
''Hrdm, the Lord won't allow a liar 20
prosper. That iackknife ~ yours was
never found stickin' il whale. and
want ycu To own up that IL WASH tandstop
this quarrein'."
Hiram said he'd own up if Abe would tut
Abe's wife had the only blue horder,,l
table cloth in squan Creek and she feIs
10 stuck up over it that she wouldn't let
Abe take drop. That kept the qHarre.
goin' red hot and everybody on edge.
Every few days Hiram and A be would meet
at Parker's or in the pOstoffice and arter
they had got out their iackknives and
Whitfield up three or four shingles apiece,
Abe would lovingly say:
I'm aSwoppin' jackknives with any
| BODY as wants 20, for the sake Of humpin'
bizness IN Squan Creek, but / don't want
no knife as was found stickin in a whale
I'm a:eard it would make joiner OF NE -
1 =
ram aud expect nim 10 say sunthin'. and
purity soon the end OF his nose wouIt! at
reddish, and he'd answer back:
ia ike 30 see bizness hump, too. but I
ain tswoppin' knives with no liar A felIer
as will lie about his own grandfather viii
lie about bind orphan
In the spring Abe Oseood went Off in a
schooner and got wrecked and d!lin' cit
back f,I two years, and Hiram spooner
went down To Moth CarUliny and was
gone about as long. Both goU back the same
Gay and as they found each other in the
grocery, both within away in the same
old fashion, Abe feels called upon To say
, Hiram mehbe ye was maxim a vo yage
TO tEe Pacific to find that ere whaI. and
sharpen that knife agin his teethc''
And Hiram waited a mint to cough and
spit on the stove afoTe he replied.
And. Abe mehbe ye was out West hunt
: in for that peg yer grandfather cut outer
mis- boot with that twenty-doIlaI jack
knire.''
Squan Greek had got 50 quietet down
that the Widder Spofford was IenGin' her
china sugar bowl TO Mrs Hastings when
! the latter had company from Philadelphia,
but the return OF the men set everybody
+ by the ears agin. They pizened each
others dogs and cats, licked each others
children. and the singin,skule we was
goin' TO hev that winter was all broke up
r the preacher seen both men agin. and ad-
viSed EN- to swop 1ackknives. even up
and trust TO the Lord to prosper squa n
Greek. but both was stiff-necked Then
4 he preached powerful sermon ON. sun
day agin 'em. and everybody knoweti who
I he meant, and the SqGan Creek Gazette
ci.tne out and said that il would nova
{ down TO Rarnegat il sunthin' wasn't done
Nuthin was done, however, except to keep
on quarreiin, and the price of real estate
| went down till you could buy the vacant
lot next to the postoffice for $25 The
day it was sole the folks called an indis-
- nashun nIeetin', and summoned Ahe and
Hiram 10 appear They was given their
$ choice-to either shet up or swop Jack
:. knives It was a purity hard dose to
swaller, but Abe got up and said.
Z Il wanted TO boom Squan Creek, and
:. that's why | asked Hiram if he would
Y swop iackkniYes. IL he hadn't sneered al
I me it would hev bin all right I'm wiIlin.
to swop il he is,n
o Then Hiram got up with an humble look
r on his face aud says:
I'm fur Squan Greek. fust and last. Il
she's bein' hurt I'm willin' TO do what's
right. III swop iackknives with ABB
= even up, and say no more about it,
And they swopped right then and thar,
and neither jackknife was wuth over a
aT..Hl l-en g