The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-03-03
BILL BARNACLE'S DISGUST.
What He Thinks OF Our Warships and
Their Numerous Wrecks.


Their Numerous Wrecks.
Frequent in perusing the papers, see
how no able sea1nen won't ship in these
new cruisers, though the navy wants em
bad, - Bill Barnacls remarked, looking over
a tabulated list of disasters to Uncle Sans
white squadron.
1--WE noticed the same complaint re-
garding the scarcity of men, - said the lub-
Der Seems to me sailor would take
pleasure in wearing a beautiful uniform
and cruising in one of those big white
ships. Why don't they enlist?''
1t is singular how curious wy they
don't as mariners is supposed to be proper
FOOLS Bill replied thoughtfully.
''They must be re-judiced, 1 take it,
against these here battlesihps wot sinks
sometimes afore the mooring chains is
cast off at the dock. Blow me, if I'd sign
in no floating machine shop wot's liable to
swamp or turn turtle if they ever gets her
into deep water. Look wot's happened al
ready to the feet, and some of the bloom
ing hookers amt never been away from
the dock either. And likewise look at wot
befell them as did. -
Mr.. Barnacle paused in absolute disgust
to ruminate on the disgraceful conduct
of our warships
''This here navy ain t wot it used to be, -
he went on somewhat sadly. ''No proper
out and out A. B. can sling his dreaming
sack in one of these here findy sickle cruis-
ers and be happy. Boiler makers, machin-
lists and Swede painters is wot they wants
these days. Wot's the use of sailors when
there amt no ropes, no rigging and no
hauling and clinbing-nOthing but cleo
trio buttons and hydraulics and similar
gear, wot gets out of order and busts reg
ular? Boat davits is the only ropes. No
decks to holystone and not a smudge of
tar from stem to stern. Wy, blow me
down, if the calnphor in the dress suits of
squad midshipmen isn't the only thing an
able seaman can smell aboard them ships. -
''Have you ever sailed in one of the
modern battleships?' asked the lubber.
''No," said Bill, land likewise won't.
but I've knowe6 mariners vvot has They
tells me that with continual painting and
wiping it off accidental with their clothes
and losing thumbs in patent gun gear and
acting proper polite they might as well be
janitOrS in Harlem. Volts the use of sign
ing A. B. in ship where you walks to
the mast, presses button and rides up to
the main top or masthead in a blooming
elevator? Next Well hear of barber shops
and restaurants and life insurance offices
in the fighting tops, and likewise art
studios and weather bureaus. When hol-
low masts with elevators takes the place
of rope ladders and legs, it's time for the
mariner to tie up ashore.
Besides, wot's the sense of going to the
bottom in an iron coffin or sinking along
side of docks and being laughed at by all
the lubbers in creationf Sailors don't
throw much swell on land, but they rates
some pride at sea if the ship behaves her
self and gives 'em q chance. But wOt a
holy show the navy does make of mariners,
to be surel Ships always in "a muggy
mess somewhere and being logged in the
newspapers Look at 'em the other
side There's the coast defender Monterey,
built in San Francisco to blow warshipe
out of the water 20 miles away. The day
she was ready for sea they headed up the
bay to Mare island for more repairs and
runs into a blooming herring net. For
three days this here terror of the seas hangs
in the net, with her propellers fouled in the
snarl of meshes, while the dago fishermen
cussed frightful. Farmers and duck shoot
ers comes off in boats and gives the able
seamen the horse laugh, while divers is be-
low clearing away dead herring and bust
ed net
''That was TERRIBLE the 1ubber muir
N ured alphabetically.
Likewise the survey boat Ranger
makes a ass of herself, Bill continued
with disgust oozing from every pore
''Sixty machinists works six months re-
pairing the Ranger for a trip to Alaska
She gets under way and is II days making
Port Townshend, Wash. All this time her
vitals is humping fearful day and night
Nobody can sleep, and the engineers roasts
their blooming ears listening at hot steam
chests and iron bulkheads to locate this
here pounding. just she crawls into
port the Ranger breaks down. They over
hauls the engines and finds eight pound
monkey wrench in the main cylinder, left
there by the brainy bosses at Mare island
So the government charters tug at 5000
per day to tow the Ranger back to them
turtles for more repairs.
''These here SAMPLES" concluded Bill,
with ripping string of oaths, lis wy
claim the navy is proper de-lusion and
likewise fake. Charles Dryden in New
York Journal