davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1897-03-27
Want" ads. in The Star pay because tn
bring answers.
Rom IA nee md Reality.
love! Oh, rapture!

Oh, love! On, rapture!
Two years ago he came up out of the
west to Washington, as SO many do, with
his bonnie. bonnie BRIDE and there was
nothing on earth too good for her.
He watched her an eagle watches its
young, and he stood between her and ev-
cry blast that blew.
He got up early in the morning to ran
sack the dictionary for new adjectives
descriptive Of his joy, and he was unspar-
ing in his condemnation Of photographers
who were so poor in language.
He came to Washington in the glorious
time of spring. and he reveled in all the
luxures of the most beautiful capital city
in the world
He paid as much as thirty dollars a day
at the hotel where he stopped with the
dearest object on earth.
And he stayed there whole week at
those rates. not to mention incidentals.
Last week at the same hotel, a man ar
rived and registered H. j. Blank & W."
1t was not even "Sz W.
When the clerk took a second look at
the arrival he recognized him as the gen.
tleman of two years ago.
"Ah." he said, with the hospitable eff
fusiveness of all well-regulated hotel clerks,
"how do you do? Haven't seen you for
some time. You had great time when
you were here last. l presume you will
want the same quarters you had before
Kind of souvenir. don't you know"
He didn't seem to be particularly pleased
by the manner Of the clerk.
"What'a tha price of room and board? q
he said, crisply.
| Three sdollars a day up" and the clerk
spoke ins disappointed tone
Nothing lower than that?"
THAT t'sdthe lowest"
"Give US that said the guest, reaching
| for his satcffl. Its no sign," he added
as he moved away with the bell boy.
that because a mans a fool once he's a
| fool all the time" .s ..Ht-
Evening star., 1897-03-27
THE POET SCOUT.
Capt. Jack Crawford Objects TO u
Premature Demise.

For some time past paragraphs have
been going the rounds Of the newspapers
announcing the death Of Capt. Jack Craw-
ford, the Poet ScoIt," sometimes a. COM
panied with glowing 9bitu Iries u the long
haired writer OF verse from fhe wild and
woolly west. Now, while some of these
have made interesting reading. capt. Jack
apparently mas grown tired Of reading
about his own good qulitirs. To nut a
stop TO this sort of thing, for capt. Jack
is still very much alive. ne recently wrote
a characteristic letter TO the editor OF The
Evening Star, in the course of which he
says:
please correct the story of my death
recently published in The S,ar. Ny wife
ard tele9rams of cond Dlence. l certainly
am not responsible for these reports. and
it is getting monotonous reading such
handsome, yet interesting obituaries,
though ii is pleasant 10 know before one
shufiles off, dc. that such nice things
will be said OF him when gone.
But I'd rather nave a little tany
Than million-dollar epltady then,
And little laurel wreath athwart the brow
Would make the golden crown rest easy, whcni
Why when Poets get together there.
When Bret Harte and joaquin climb the golden
stsir.
With Shakespeare at the helm
In the poets special realm,
What lot OF jolly fellows will be thereto
Evening star., 1897-03-27
WOULD SEEM ALL RIGHT.
An Excellent Reason Why Man
Should Have an Office

AS the Washington correspondent of n
Weli-known western newspaper was NOV
irg across the rotunda of the Capitol en-
route from the House to the Senate side he
was approached by decent-looking sort
OF a man who called him by name ana in
troduced himself as Mr.. Blank from Mis-
souri,
We been seeing you around the Capito o!
for some time" he said, "and was going TO
speak TO you before. but thought wouldn'
trouble you until 1 had troubled every
body else
That was considerate, anyhow" laughed
the correspondent.
Yes. and 1 wish to goodness people were
as consderate of me-" responded the Mis-
sourian rather disconsolately, it see ned
What's Wrong?' asked the correspond
ent. wondering what the man was after.
We'll. don't seem to be assessed A, my
true value
Nobody is contended the correspond
ent good humoredly. Two thirds is the
usual value OF assessment. you know."
Il don't get that much. In fact, 1 am
utterly left out
'Oh." exclaimed the newspaper man with
Il gleam of new intelligence, you are look
ing for an office. are your
Exactly" and in moment of hurried
tity
The correspondent was almost overcome
and was sure he had hit upon crazy man
My dear sir he said in Il tone of con.
ciliation, from what you tell me you are q
| rank democrat, and don't you know thai
the present administration not only re-
publican. but republican to he backbone?
of course. l know 1t. and that's why
want you to help me. You are a republican
ard I've been tackling democrats entirely
heretofore
But l can't do anything for you," pro
tested the correspondent. "The admipistra
| ton is republican and you are a demo
crat.'
The applicant for job actually locked
| hopeful.
That's just what I'm banking on" HI
| said. For four years I've been working
! tooth and toenail to get something from tn,
| democrats. and never got so much as
smell. Now. don't 1t look reasonable t
you that a man the democratic administra
| ton wouldn't give the ghost of a show
| ought to be the very kind that the republi
can administration ought to take care of
| Say, now, don't it,?
Evening star., 1897-03-27
More Decadence.

oh, pretty polysyllable, come hither while
we gurgle
Chimerical, hysterical and weirdly vapid
praise;
Fear not a plagiarism, for there is no need
to burSle
Another mans ideas when we tread these
later ways.
We will just take words and with EN-
Ripple on in reckless rhythm,
Excluding any thought that's either SEN
sible new;
And, like happy little Fido,
We will cut a dizzy dido
And declare the doodle-i-do's on the
rooty-toot-ty-too.
How heartily the world once scorned i'm
pressionistic painting.
And the poster-how they'd roast her.
Now that dear, delirious girl
Swoops out from every bill board, like a
fantasy. half fainting.
Then, why should not the muse of poesy
comfort and whirl?
For the popular endurance
Offers complete assurance
That the tonic for the chronic Is q wild
euphonic glee.
You might think the poet has en-
Blu. It's quite the proper spasm.
When he murmurs. "fizZum fazZum, ump-
tarara, binktaree!"
Evening star., 1897-03-27

''Whut does yer want it foh?'' she per-
sisted.
rs a member of a s'ciety. Er gemrnan
cat come along while anuthuh gemmen dat
were drivin' a kyaht were whuDoin is
mule wiz er fence picket, done made i'm
stop it an tol me dat | orter soshate
myself wifi de band dat pertecks all dumb
critters. An l toll i'm l would, an dat's
why Is 'biged ter show some politeness
ter dishere goat"
But he doan' wuhk in no kyaht.'
Il said all kin's o. dumb critters. Hit
doan' mex no diffunce whether dey's ami
mules or anamiies. Gimme de can opener.
.'Whuffo?"
.'Didn' / tell yer?
No Yoh didn' tell me muffin. Yoh jes
splained it to me-
Il wants ter feed it ter dishere goat.
He were passin' by de grocery sto' an de
fus' ting anybody knowed he done swal-
Tered a can o. condensed milk wifout bitin
inter it befo' han. an l wants ter do whut
l kin ter hep i'm out'n de disappint-
ment."
Evening star., 1897-03-27
Written for The Evening Star.
CHILDREN IN HOLLAND,
Little Lads and Lasses In a Scheren-
nfgen Kindergarten.

Little Lads and Lasses In a Scheren-
nigen Kindergarten.
Wandering through the crooked streets
of the little fishing village of Schereningen
from which the famous Dutch watering
place takes It's name, l heard merry shouts
of laughter issuing from a garden inclosed
by high walls The gate was open and l
peeped in. My curiosity was rewarded by
one Of the sweetest sights have ever wit
messed. About twenty little Dutch maids
and lads. their ages varying from three to
six years. were enjoying a game of ordi-
nary American tag. while a little attendant
of about twelve years stood by, busily knit
ting, while she watched them. A bell
sounded; they all fell In line behind the
little knitter. and walked demureIy, two by
two. in a serpentine line around the garden
and disappeared in q long hall, at the door
of which each child took off its little wood
en- shoes and held them in one hand behind
its back.
In the meantime the principal came out
and invited me, by signs. to enter. In the
hall l noticed the little sabots laid orderly
side by side. There were three halls In this
kindergarten: In each were fifty children,
between the ages Of three and six years
the girls In gowns to their ankles, held out
| in balloon fashion with haircioth petticoats,
| little white shawls pinned over the shoul-
ders. and caps covering their straight yell
| low locks.
| At this free kindergarten the children OF
| the fisher folk, many of them fatherless
| derive all care and attention. They are
! taught by the same methods used In Ger
| many. All seemed bright and happy In
| one room they were singing quaint little
| nursery rhymes about boats, so one little
| fellow made me understand by walking
| across the floor, rolling like sailor, and
| then going through the motions of rowins
boat and pulling in nets. He with great
| glee made me understand that he would be
| a fisherman when he was so big" stretch
ing up his arms. and smoking an imaginar,
| pipe This amused the children SO much
| and made them shout and laugh so le,d
that the teacher was obliged to send then
| to their seats and end our fun
Evening star., 1897-03-27
An Uncertain Flight.

MY dear" said Senator Sorghum to his
wife, Il want to read you something that
you will be proud Of
You haven't been having another vindi
cation, have you?" she inquired anxiously.
mo. This is a speech
I'm whose INTEREST,"
This is another kind of an Grafton, my
dear. 1t is not to be delivered C. o. d. 1t
is an ebulltion of patriotism and 1 made
it up myself. This is just the wind-up. l
quote few facts to sustain the position.
which. in my previous remarks, l so elo-
Guently assume.
You mean that you became so impressed
with the belief that this country needs
something that you could not refrain from
lifting up your voice.
''N-no. Not exactly that. But 1 heard
that some Of my constituents have a lean
ing in this direction. and as anything l
say about ii isn't likely to make much
difference in the long run. l thought
might as we'll get In line and give them
something that would please. 1t is about
our foreign policy. Now, listen. He
placed one hand in the bosom of his coat.
held his manuscript at arms length, cleaI-
ed his throat and proceeded:
Il repeat it; the American eagle has put
on his war paint. And as he goes whoop-
ing over the prairie, brandShing the TOM
ahawk of retribution in one hand and
the scales of justice in the other. he takes
every American citizen by the coat lapel
and, leading him over to the great, gush-
ing fountain of truth, holds him down to
1t ard makes him drink, whether he
wouldst or not The bird of freedom loves
to extend the hand of hospitality to the
stranger in distress, and at the same time
stamp the tyrant under his iron heel.
Cheers. His voice will go rolling down the
corridors of time until, at one swoop. 1t
knocks down the ten pins Of prejudice at
the other end of the alley. Great applause.
Like the lion in his majestic rage. he
proudly lashes his tail, puts his paw on
the chest of the oppressor and roars anew
his challenge. Cries of hurrah for Sorg-
hum. The olive branch in his beak is not
more dear to him than the laurel on his
brow. With clinched teeth he will hang
onto both and attain the pinnacle of ma
tiora@ glory, where, he spreads his
broad protecting pinions DER the world, he
can cross his legs In comfort and view
the arena in which antagonist could
boast of having landed a successful up
percut. Prolonged enthusiasm. which the
chair is powerless to suppress" He wiped
his brow and inquired what do you think
of that for a shef doover?
I'm afraid you don't realize what you've
gone and DONE" was the answer.
What do you meanr'
you've taken liberties with the Ameri-
can eagle that'u be used against you in
the next election as sure as fate. In ad-
dition to his natural belongings you have
Evening star., 1897-03-27
An impossible Undcrtnk ing /.

Mistuh Office stahted out de yuthuh day TO
seek de man,
An he says. rs gwineter do dis on a tire
ly diff unit plan.
Dish be de one occasion when dey'll all be
satisfied,
An folks will bow an tip dab hats an
pint to me wifi pride.
So he got i'm dahk lantern an put on his
ovuh-shoes
An lowed he'd give hisse'f his time to look
aroun an choose
An he KEEP a-breathin' easy an he went
a-walkin' light.
So as not To run no chances of nobody TAX
in fright.
Twas hahd foh him to 'waken FUN dat
mighy pleasant dream.
But befo' he turn de cohner, he were 'bliged
to drap is scheme.
Case he done got clean confuse by de COM
motion dat ariZ
Fun ev'yb0dy shoutin', "Mistuh Office,
yere / iS,''
Evening star., 1897-03-27
Somewhat Confused,

Il am ever and ever SO glad,' exclaimed
young Mrs. Torkins. who had been reading
an out-of-town paper that her husband
brought home.
What's the matter?'' was the response
Have you found something that pleases
you in the society cc)umn%'
You know very well that ] am culti-
waiting a sensible taste in my 'rl,Iing. I
always turn 70 The spor,s now, the FIRST
thing. just as you do. Anc Ian getting SO
that SOTO Of i; seems real In Ill"
What was the cause Of your reioicing?"
Were in luck again."
What do YOU n.can?'
1--WE can't lose. I'm sure ne mist I've a
wonder, because he Is talkc1 abcit. SO
much. It's a positive relief to ne to find
that he isn't going somewhere else
"Will you have the kindness to tell me
what you are talking about1'
Base ball. of course. Wen have to do
without him a while. but this PAPER says
he will be with US before the season gets
very far along. And 1t win he ever SO nice
to have somebody who Ii so famous"
ITO what parsonage do you referr' he
inquired q little frigldls.
Nov, Charley, you are just pretending!
Evening star., 1897-03-27

You are making believe you are ignorant
as to test my Knowledge, l mean Mr..
HoIse.'
He stared at her apprehcnsiyely aud in
silence. Then he said:
What have you been readng2"
This paper, and she handed il to him.
These people always were lealcus of
any prospect Of success that our nine had,
he commented.
ell. they've got TO give in this time.
she persisted. because 1 know that "A gen
tleman who has become as celebrated a.
he has is sure to pun us through. Any
thing disagroeah hle that they say now will
just show that they feel spitcful tow ard
us because we've got Mr.. Horse. Maybe
it's little sentimental. but I can't help
trusting and admiring him. even though
have never seen him. because his first
name is the same as yours. Charley, dear"
Evening star., 1897-03-27

there won't be an opening for single blade
of grass to wriggle through. Dent make
any mistake about that. And what's more
] want 1t In neighborhood so hiGh-toEed
and naughty that folks amt able to recog-
niZe one another unless they have their
eNenir g clothes on. III you'll find me such a
place, I'll trade in my residence and give
you anything more than what's reasonable
20 boot
What Is your object in making the
changer
Il want to cut the grass"
Cant you do that where you are?'
Il suppose some people could. But L
haven't the nerve. l am a person of re-
firing tastes. / am fond of nature and it
gives an immense amount of enjoyment
to scratch up the dirt little bit in early
spring, SOW some grass seed and then
prance up and down behind lawn mower
two or three mornings week to keep it in
shape. That's my idea of enjoyment"
1T is certainly harmless and economical
"Ot course it is. And all l ask is to be
let alone. But there's no use of hoping
for that. l tried il this morning | was
neatly puncturing the soil here and there
with a rake when along came a neighboI.
All. said he, in patroniZing tone. en-
gagged in bucolic exercises. l see.' of course
l couldn't deny it, and after giving me a
chapter or two of advice he passed on.
| The man who lives a few doors farther up
| soon struck the trail. He paused and cheer
| lily hailed me with, Well. well. tasting the
| delights of pastoral employment, are you?
| OF herbaceous propagation. eh?'''
What did you do?" inquired the clerk.
Il submitted in silence. Several more
came alorg and each had something to say
Presently the doctor who lives on the next
block Joined the procession. Aha said he,
| i see you trying to invest the urban scene
| with the charm of mild rusticity and sylvan
seclusion.'
What did you do them asked the clerk
who had grown sympathetic.
i owned up L told him 1t hadn't seemed
| as bad as that when started, but 1 guess
| ed he was right, and I'd quit. L changed
! my clothes and came down here. III you
can't find the kind of a locality / described
| get me one where the population is uncul-
tLred and sticks TO a ratio of two syilables
| 20 the word. will you? L may seem o,eer
put L amt any more than the others
There can't be anything queerer than the
| way your fellow man will let a stranger
come along ard climb into your house by
the front window to get the silverware or
kidnap your children and then assemble it,
| self as an alert and critical audience the
| minute you start in to attend to your own
| affaics."
Evening star., 1897-03-27
4 Variation.


Having recently recovered from an attack
of typhoid fever, which caused the loss Of
her hair, a young woman of this city is
obliged to wear a wig. In a moment of
frolic, she took it off ard hung it on the
chandelier.
Take it off the gas jet, quick" exclaimed
her husband
Why
"It may make you light
She gazed at him in deep admiration ana
said:
That's just splendid, You ever and
ever SO clever! I'm going TO remember that
and tell it to mother when she comes.
When the visit occurred. she waited until
there was a lul in the conversation, and
with great deliberaton. hurg the wig on
the. chandelier as before. Then she cough
ed until she had attracted her mothers at
tention:
what made you do that was the nat
ural inquiry.
OH exclaimed the daughter. How
very reckless of me. 1 shouldn't think C
doing such a thing
why not?" inquired her husband COM
ing to her rescue.
''Because-er- -a-that is to say for the
reason that 1t may make me dizzy"
She never made reference TO the calm
fcrtitude with which her mother met the
sally. but she did have some thing very
! caustic to say about the esotism Of a man
who laughs immoderately over mis- own
attempts at humcr.
Evening star., 1897-03-27
American Cab. at Cape Town.
cultney BigeIow in Harper's for April.

Poultney BigeIow In Harper's for April.
New Workers wonder. perhaps. what has
become OF the saudy omnibuses which once
piled up and down 5th avenue. Gany of
them are now In service at the Cape. TAX
ing people to and from the docks. 1t was
odd to see painted on the sides of these
buses the old familiar pictures represent
Ing Indians chasing buffaloes. a scene
on the Hudson river. And besides the
American buses. 1 noticed here. as in other
parts of South Africa. a large number of
light American wagons. from the trotting
buggy TO the comfortable family carriage,
whose roof partly shelters the driver.
Evening star., 1897-03-27
A Sybarfte.

From the Lady's Pictorial.
Not long ago l wanted to define "sybar-
ite'' for the Information of my young peo-
pie, and / could not think Of an apt illus
tration. but last week l went late in the
evening to call Lady She was
dressing for dinner. and her maid had
placed all her bracelets and her necklace to
warm. before the fire upon small cushion.
1t was, she said. her invariable habit in
winter to have her ornaments thus heated.
In future i felt that / should not be at q
less for definition OF the word "sybarite."
Evening star., 1897-03-27
After Forty Years.

From the Elgin Courant.
An epitaph curious in its way as any
of the quaint gravestone Inscriptions that
have been recorded Is on a tombstone in
the cemetery of a suburb of Paris.
The husband died first, and beneath the
record of his name was placed, al his re-
quest. the line:
Il am anxiously awaiting you. July 30.
1921"
When his widow died, forty years after,
the following line completed her inscrip-
ton:
Here am. September ., 1867
Evening star., 1897-03-27
Written for The Evening Star.

rltten Tor lns Evening Star.
The Ephesfan Dome.
Ho. watchman on the walls afarf
Again the tigers rove;
Hates fiery star II fierce with war
The peaceful earth above:
Now haste. the gates Of Ianns bar
With bolts Of triple hove,
In puny wrath the infant cries
Beside the island sea.
And as its angry walls arise
And all unhc, ded he,
Ii to the world the torch applies
And calls il being free.
No for any greed of gain
Is worth a widowed wife.
Or child her It. or father slain,
Or. stretched In bloody strife
Along siagle battle plain.
single human life.
No creed eer Graded In the heart
Is worth the hellish mood
That makes Tasmanian devils start
And pour a fiery Hood
Ger vale and mountain. moor aud mart,
And drerch the earth with blooj-
The cross ard crescent. fierce in tight
Who calls the battle blcstf
The flag Whose Right is banded Might,
With Peace upon Its crest,
All cleaning white in morning light
That banner Is the best,
Ho, watchman on the walls ATARI
Again the tigers rove:
Chain up the Furies' fiery car,
Lest brutal Ares move
Tie gates OF Janus lock and lar
With bolts Of triple loye!
W A. CRoFFUT
Evening star., 1897-03-27

boy came through
the back yard hold
ing a goat by the
horns.
Fob de Ian sakes,"
she e Xc | a | m e d /;
"whut does yer mean
carryin' roun' dat
msnageries? ?'
"Hesh, n a m m y
Doan' 'stur5 i'm. Is
yer got a can opener
inside de houSe""
Nv hut is y e I
gwineter do: commit
persassination" p"
No, nanny. You
git de can opener an
bring it yere. case
GaSn' lef go
Evening star., 1897-03-27
How He Expressed 1t.

From Truth.
Grymes-'"The tride was quite a popular
girl wasn't shef"
Gobang-'Yes, indeed. The Daily Whoop
sent their sporting editor to report II, He
printed q list Of rejected lovers half a
column long under the heading. .AmonR
Those Who Also RAN"
Evening star., 1897-03-27

- -
Il suppose you un-
dertake to find al
most any kind of
property a man hap
pens to think he
wants?' he said to
the clerk.
Certainly
We'll. I'm here TO
leave an order for a
z d, substantial.
modern dwelling that
hasn't any f r o u /
yard"
"A little lawn is
generally considered d
desirable"
Il want this house
to stand up so close
~ tho sidewalk ri. Z
Evening star., 1897-03-27
CURES
ALL HUMAN
DISEASES

Icy killing all the micr,bc3 In the blood that oause
these diseases. Everybody has To 81. so,ricr or
later Death Is necessary sequence 10 birth
No remedy stop death after n hfc's fun coursc
is But there thousands of people wlro
die before their time. There are thousands Of
sick people today who would gel well and strong
aLnin II they would only take RadaIn's M.rrobe
Killer.
1t is hard to make the public b'licvc the ,lallls
made for good remedy. There have been ~
many worthless PREPARATIONS sold that a remedy
that really cures is looked upon with Doubt
All do is to tell the truth about Hadlm's
Mc-obc Killer. II SILK folks VIII take H. they
Will get we'll II they won't W. can't help il.
Remember that 1t has been curing re si,k ali
the world FOR than ten years. Its sales
increasing all the tine
Send for free book Of fifty pas.s that gives
fun history Of Endlm's MicrOh Killer. togrjh her
with a long list testimonials Adircss The
willinm Radam Mirrohe Killer CO.. l2l Prince
st. New York. Washington o.f, lpI> Tih 81.
NV mh.7&ap24
Evening star., 1897-03-27

It matters little what 1t Is that you want
whether q situation or q servants
want ad. In Tho Star viii reach tbs
person who can fll your need.
Evening star., 1897-03-27

given him hands. feet. teeth. legs and arms
and made him talk like a poll parrot and
wag his tail like a terrier. IL you go on
imagining freaks like that you might as
well cancel your membership in the tenn
perance society, Eoull ALLEVIATE the tenn
pcrance vote forever. / hope this will be
the last time, ii is the first. that you
ever think of taking any chances with a
homemade speech.
Evening star., 1897-03-27
Doing His BEST,

Pickaninny Jim's mother was greatly sur
prised and somewhat disturbed when the
Evening star., 1897-03-27
Wanted to Move.

1t was not yet . o'clock when a man of
determined mien walked into the Office Of
the real estate dealer