The Monitor-register., 1897-05-21

JOnn 10y veil, uOn DIANE nor. Every
'ody else laughs at it. "-Iwinkles.
**x
Always Downward-''There is one
thing about people who are too
'asily led" "And what is thatP"
They're are led the same way."-C Chicago
**x
II have seen better days." began the
nendicant. $50 have l." said the ap-
preached, hastily. "But 1 don't think
his rain will last loug."-PAaGdelpAiG
North american.
4*x
Critic-"Where did you get the idea
that picture?"
Painter-"Out of my head"
Critic-"You must be glad that it is
out PITT Bits.
Nv
Mamma, teacher told US to say a text
we dropped our pennies into the
"Well. what did you say?" 81
said that one of papa's: Put up or
shut up.'"-C Chicago Record.
~
"My wife is a most original woman"
said Brown. "Why, when 1 proposed to
her, instead o fsayipg This is SO sudden
she said: "Well, l think it's about
time. '"-Harper's Bazaar.
x**
sat what age does a man really begin
to feel the weight of years2" Casually on
his twenty. first birthday; and it takes
the sensation ab least four or five years to
wear of. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
x*x
"She-'It must have taken a great deal
of persistence on your part to learn
to play the violin so WE'LL"
He-''It did. l had to go consta ntly
armed for five years."-LJe.
Nv
Woman of the World (to youthful
admirer): "You seem to know a great
deal about married life. Are you mar
ried?
youthful Admirer (with a blase air.:
"No, but my father is."-Fun.
x*x
Teacher:-"What is that which pre-
vades all ~space-which no wall or door,
or other substance can shut out ?"
Johnnie Sharpe "a fat dweller)-''The
smell of cabbage, miss. -IUinkles.
Nv
Mr.. Softleigh: Miss Lightleigh-er-
Hazel, l love you? May l hope that some
day you will return my loveP"
Hazel:-'Im do that now. Be sure
and take it away with you."-Tsoinkles
NV
Dufins-"Oh, l don't believe in long
engagementsl Why. l didn't know my
wife six weeks before l married her,"
Mufins-"Ah, l didn't know mine
until a month after l married her."-Tt
Bits.
x*x
Swellington' (at the soiree):-"I wonder
if that plain woman over there is really
trying to fiirt with me?"
Cooler (politely)-"I can easily find
out, sir, by asking her. She's my wife,"
Fun.
Nv
Fuddy-So Widow Gray was at the
social last evening. 1t beats all. What
is she after, a husband?
Duddy-On the contrary, l think she
is after a man who is not a husband
Boston TRANSCRIPT.
#*x
Hello old man, how are you?"
"Wretchedl wretchedl I've had an
attack of the grippe, and its left me SO
weak l can hardly crawl"
what do you want to crawl forp Why
don't you walk?"-PucE.
x*x
Sand how is your husband TO-DAY.
Mrs. Mangol?"
We'll, mum, the doctor says as il e
'olds out for another two days he'll ave
'opes of i'm; but if e doesn't, we must
prepare for the wust."-Pck NE Up.
**x
Priscilla Gust arrived)-Are there any |
men herep
Phyllis-Oh, there are a few apologies
for men!
Priscilla-Welll if an apology is offered
TO me ! shall accept it.-London Times.
~
He-l am rather in favor of the English
chan the American mode of spelling.
She-Yes.
He-Yes, indeed! Take '~parlour,' for
instance. Having 'u' in it makes all the
in the world.-PeGrs0n' Weeklv
**x
Herr Oil-Haf you heard dot dog of
ate a tape measure und dieda
Herr Kut-I suppose he died by inches,
light va1s
Herr Oil-Aber nit; he vent oudt in
Ter alley und die by der ard Columbia
Spectator.
George-"Y GU do not call on Miss
Rose bud now?"
Jack-"No, l got disguised. She has
UGH a coarse laugh" ~ never noticed
hat.' "You would If you'd been within
earring when / proposed to her. "-Dublin
World.
Ii you eat what you like, and digest 1t,