davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1897-05-28

"Thev are dandies" said ThOs. Bow
ers, of the Crockett, Texas. Enterprise
while writing about DeWitt's Little
Early RiserS. the famous little pills foI
~ick headache and disorders of IT,,
stomach and liver
w. II Kennels, st. Louis; B :. Webt
ilma.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1897-05-28
Strong In Her Speciality.

MY wife is great hnguist.
"How many languages does sh.
speak"
Just one flown TopicA
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1897-05-28
NOMadnYA

Sporting Editor see the editor In
chief has thrown out your article On A
City Dairy"
City Editor wonder whyi
He said it wa. only milk and water
affair "-Yonkers Statesman
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1897-05-28
Why WoYrV7

II You eannct help thing, why worry
about itf II you can help it. why worry
about itf Herein is the secret of happiness
New York Herald.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1897-05-28

some ,,oplc never find time To attend to
thoir WI business seattle Post InlalH
genceI
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1897-05-28

DETROIT & MILWAUKEE DIV.
Arrival and Departure of Trans at Owosso Jet.
EASTBCUND
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
Sin Punished in the World.

The old man sat before the fire
and its genial glow brought back to
him the memory of youth, and mid
die life.
He said to me: My son, four
score winters have passed over my
head and have noted the affairs of
men. The Creator will punish all
sins. Contend not with thy poor,
frail fellow-mortal.
Two institution of Paradise alone
remain--the Family and the Sab
bath, and crimes against the Family
and Sabbath God will punish in this
world"
/ replied: "I have often heard
you speak of the visitation of
Heaven upon the Sabbath breaker
here on earth, but 1 remember no
example of the like visitation for
sins against the family"
Listen then, my son, while re-
late to thee one Of many such incl
dents that have come under my no.
tice; and while most men condemn
the drunken husband / will relate a
history of his twin evil-a cruel and
ill-tempered wife:
Mr.. Archibald married a woman
whose cruel nature had to be con-
stantly exercised upon something.
When her children were born she
almost worshipped Dick, Hannah
and Henry, while. upon the others,
she visited the whole force of her
uncultured, wolfish cruelty, par
ticularly upon Betsy. She sent
Hannah and Betsy away from home
to school. To Hannah she gave an
abundance Of clothes and new books,
but to Betsy she gave scarcely suffi-
cient clothing to cover her nakedness.
The good old man to whom they
went to school noted the difference o
in their dress and spoke to Mr..
Archibald of it. He, being good
man, just had the teachers wife, at
his expense, to make Betsey as we'll
clad as her sister. This only in
creased the fury of Mrs. Archibald,
and, their property being under
her name, she determined to disin-
herit all except Dick, Hannah and
Henry, and gave all her property to
them. When behold ! the bright
mind of Dick became clouded, and
he Is to-day almost an idiot, though
he once had as bright a mind as !
ever saw. Hannah, who was In
every respect as bright as her
brother, long since finished her ca
reer in lunatic asylum. Henry
fell mortally wounded in the Con-
federate army. Mrs. Archibald died
of broken heart, and Betsy became
the honored wife and mother Of a
good family. Most of the Others
have or will fill drunkards' graves
My son, was it not the finger OF
God i'm Providence ?"
ANONYMOUS.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
A Great Girl.
SHE PLEASES ALL THE MEN AT THE
BOARDING HOUSE.

Greatest girl at our boarding
house you ever saw" declared
Quirkley, with a giggle, according
to the Detroit Free Press. "Nevel
says what you expect her to say, and
you'd be disappointed if she did, af:
ter hearing her.
Dry goods clerk sits opposite her
and asked the other day if she really
thought there were bargains in the
matrimonial lottery. 'Of course
there are,' she answered, with q
laugh. myself nave been marked
down from thirty-eight to twenty
five
Old bachelor that sits next t. her
at the table spilled his ice cream i'm
her lap. She never screamed nor
run away, but effusively took him
by the hand and congratulated him
on the GOODNESS of the entire proceed
ing.
Dude bOarder had the nerve to
propose to her and she took half an
hour explaining to him how it was
all she could possibly do to support
her mother and herself. When she
thought of taking on any more oh.
legations she would certainly have
another talk with him. The chump
went around telling it, proud as a
turkey gobbler.
Real estate fiend wanted to sell
her lot for twice what it was worth.
She closed the deal by offering to
take half his commission and give
him quit claim to the lot. He still
scratches his head and looks at her
from the corners of his eyes.
Think of laying my own fortune
at her feet. Haven't the slightest
idea that she will accept, and for
that very reason am inclined to think
that she will"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
LEWIsBURa, WEST VIRGINIA r

few small legacies, he had left all
ITO her Most Gracious Majesty,
queen Victoria, begging her Males
ty's most gracious acceptance of the
same for her sole use and benefit and
that OF her heirs" To his poor old
housekeeper, who had served him
twenty-siX years, he left nothing,
ana TO his executors only $500 apiece.
Ihe Queen accepted the bequest,
put made generous provisions for
the housekeeper, gave $4,000 to each
OF the executors and erected a mouu.
ment to Neild's memory. The es-
tate proved to be of the value of
about -, 100000, and, with its accu.
mutations for forty-four years past
at per cent, this would make her
worth to-day nearly 81, 900, 900. She
enjoys besides the annual revenues
OF the Duchy of Lancaster, which
yleld her a net yearly income of
about 100000. Two royal resi-
dences, Osborne House, In the Isle of
wight, and Balmoral, in Scotland,
are also her private property, and
the two together are valued at not
less than S2,500,00O. tits, therefore.
probable estimate that the Queens
private fortune is not less than S1O,-
oO0,OOO and 1t may be considerably
more. AS the wills of kings aud
queens are not recorded in the pro-
bate courts, the world will never
know precisely the amount of wealth
she leaves to her descendants, but as
her children, grandchildren and
great-grandchildren number sixty
four at the present writing, she will
nave no difficulty in dispostng of it
without making any of them inordi.
nately rich.-Bdltinlore San.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
A COngressman's Story.

L never refuse the plea of q beg.
gar" says leading member of Con-
gresS. "GOu must not use my name
and advertise me as philanthropist,
for L am not. 1t is simply matter
of necessity with me. am obliged
TO give something to every beggar or
L could not sleep at night. | made
bad mistake once, and / would
rather give occasionally to the un-
worthy than to ever deny assistance
to the worthy.
Once upon a time | was i'm St.
Louis on business. 1t was winter,
aud you know how cold that town can
be when it tries hard. l was out on
the street at IL O'Clock one bitter
night when a chap struck me for a
dime. He was poorly clad, looked
hungry and sick, and ought to haye
handed out the money at once. |
was just brute enough not to do il :.
lie followed me a hundred feet, beg
ging and pleading, and finally
threatened to have him arrested.-
He turned away with a sob in his
throat and / went on TO the hotel.
There was big snow-storm that
night, and next morning they found
him in drift, frozen stark and stiff.
saw the body and recognized it.
the pale face was pinched and drawn
with hunger and suffering, and the
eyes were as wide open as yours
great big blue eyes, sunken back in
their sockets, and staring at me in
an awful way. Yes, sir, they seemed
to be fastened on me alone, and to
follow me as l moved. When /
heard car drivers, draymen, boot
blacks and newsooys saying how
gladly they would have given the
poor wretch quarter to buy lodg-
ings and food, sneaked away, feel
ing that | was a murderer. 1t hurt
me more than l can tell you. l do
not want to be asked for aims. give
TO some who are, no doubt, unde-
serving, but 1 take my chances on
that. That thing rests like murder
on my conscience, and nothing like
1t shall happen again."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
Happened Before He Came.

A small youth out in KenwooG
has come to think his native State
does not amount to much. Some
time last year his family removed
from st. Joseph, Mo-, to Chicago
and took up residence within the
fashionable district of Kenwood. The
younger son of the family is a lad
about nine years old, and a few
days ago the whole Sabbath School
which this youth attends was being
questioned by the superintendent
upon the lesson of the day. This
little fellow has an unusually bright
and interesting face, and his class
was seated directly in front of the
superintendent, who was naturally
attracted to him. The lesson was of
Moses and how the Red Sea had
separated and permitted him to lead
his host through the divided waters
to safety.
When the superintendent had fin
ished relating the story, he concluded
to see how much his youthful lis
teners had taken in.
Who was it, children" he ques-
toned, that led the Israelites into
the promised land ?"
With the usual timidity of chill
dren about speaking out in meeting,
none of them replied. The boys
looked at each other and giggled,
but none offered any response.
Now, / know you all know his
name." said the superintendent, in
patronizing tones. "Just think a
moment and tell me. Won't some
Of you? Let this little man tell
me-" ne said, pointing to the recent
conner from the South.
81 don't know, sir; l don't live
here. l only came up from Missouri
the other day." was the frightened
reply.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

KEPT THE FLOOR.-The pastor Of
a New England church announced
that the regular weekly prayer meet
ing would be devoted to discussion
of certain question of general in
terest to the congregation. Many
members of the church wished to
take part in the discussion it was
therefore decided to limit each mem
ber's remarks to five minutes. When
the speakers time expired, the cler-
gyman was to notify him by rap
ping with pencil on the desk. Dea-
con A., one of the members at whom
the restriction was especially di-
rected, had not fairly started on his
remarks when the rap of the pencil
was heard.
"Am to understand" asked the
deacon. that my five minutes have
expired ?"
Yes, deacon; l an, sorry, but
your time is up"
And all the general remarks are
limited to five minutes ?"
Eyes, that was the understandings
The deacon turned very deliber.
ately to his fellow-members. "Then,
brethren" he proceeded, 81 shall
throw the remainder of my remarks
into the form of prayer"
The deacon kept the floor.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
POETRY
THE BIRD.

The song Of birds is sweet and clear
Through all the woodland free
There was n bird | used to hear,
Strange things he told to me.
The pavement for the messy ground,
The close and dusty street
Were his a; he lived amid the sound
or hurrying wheels and feet.
His cage was small, and yet say
His heart was full of glee;
No bird upon the blossoming spray
Was more content than he.
With cheerful looks his music glad
He oftentimes would raise
He priced the blessings that he had,
And sang his song Of praise.
The wisdom of this bird be mine
Beneath misfortune s stroke,
To count my own delights, nor pine
For those of other folk.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

WashingtOn's MOdesty.

An anecdote told Of John Robin
son and George Washington may
not be out of place at this time, as
we have just celebrated the natal day
of the immortal saviour Of his cOun-
try. When Colonel Washington
had closed his career In the French
and Indian war, and had become a
member of the House Of Burgesses,
Robinson, the speaker, was directed
by the House to return thanks to
that gentleman for the distinguished
military service he had rendered.
Mr.. Robinson discharged the duty
with great dignity, but with such
warmth in coloring and strength of
expression, as to entirely cOnfOund
the young hero. Colonel Washing
ton rose to reply, blushed, stam-
mered and trembled, and was per-
fectly speechless, when the speaker
relieved him by stroke of address
that would have done honor to Louis
XIV in his proudest and happiest
moment. "Sit down, Mr.. Wash.
iugton," said he, with coDciliating
smile "your modesty is equal to
YOUR valour; and that surpasses the
power of any language that 1 pos
sessp
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

PRAISE FOR WOMEN.-A traveller
in many lands has only words of
praise for women everywhere:
"Among all nations women are
ever inclined to be cheerful and mod
est. They do not hesitate, like man,
to perform hospitable or generous
action; not naughty, nor arrogant,
nor supercilious, but full of courtesy
and affection; industrious, econom-
ical, ingenious; more virtuous. and
performing more good actions
than man. 1 never addressed my
self in the language of decency and
friendship to woman, whether
civilized or savage, without receiving
a decent and friendly answer.
In wandering over the barren
plains of inhospitable Denmark
through honest Sweden, frozen Lap
land, rude and churlish Finland, un.
principled Russia and the widespread
regions Of the wondering Tartar, il
hungry, dry, cold, wet or sick, wo.
man has ever been friendly to me,
and uniformly so; and, to add to
this virtue, so worthy the appella.
tion of benevOlence, these actions
have been performed in so free and
kind manner that, if 1 was dry
drank the sweet draught, and If hun
cry ate the coarse m orsel with dou'
BILE RELISH"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

THE CRANBERRIEs WERE SOUR.
The Washington Post says that a
Washington physician owns a Gran.
berry bog at Cape Cod. Two or
three years ago he entertained an
English cousin, and at dinner one
evening there was cranberry oauce.
The Englishman was delighted
with 1t. Indeed, he expressed his
pleasure 80 much and so often, tina!
after he had returned to London the
doctor sent him over a barrel of fine
Cape Cod cranberries.
A month or so passed, and then
came letter from the Englishman
"My Dear So-and-So," 1t said
I" 1t was awf'ully good of you to send
me those berries, and thank you
Unfortunately, they all soured or
the way over"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
POETRY
JACOBS LADDER.

Twas an installation service.
And, as it neared it's close
10 give the charge to his people
>, AN old Welsh preacher rose.
lie gravely spoke of their duties.
- VI their privilege as well,
1nen paused, while moments silenc,
On the waiting people fell.
rray-pray we for Jacobs ladder"
% SAID he, earnestly and slow
That it again may reach from heaven
AS of old, to earth below
And what do we want with the ladder
LII tell We, If may
80 your preacher may climb to heaven
AT the close of each Sabbath dav
" That there he may dwell with his Mas.
ter,
The Lord will care for his own
TIL another Sabbath morning,
And then to this world come down.
mat so ye may have his teaching.
His help in all it's worth,
But will not have to support him
AS ye would If he stayed on earth
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
If you want to he loved

If you want to he loved
Don't find fault.
Don't believe all the evil you hear.
Don't jeer at everybody's religious
beliefs.
Don't be rude to your interiors in
social position.
Don't repeat gossip, even If it does
interest a crowd.
Don't underrate anything because
you don't possess 1t.
Don't go untidy on the plea that
everybody knows you.
Don't contradict people, even if
you are sure you are right.
Don't conclude that you have never
had any opportunities in life.
Don't believe that everyone else in
the world is happier than you.
Don't be inquisitive about the af:
fairs of even your most intimate
friends.
Don't get into the habit of vulgar.
izing life by making light of the
sentiment of it.
Don't express a positive opinion
unless you perfectly understand what
you are talking about.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
"NO Cure, No Pay"

Judge JolIne was all ready to de-
Glide what appeared to be a clear
enough case in the Camden District
Court, recently, says the Philadel-
phia Record, when an unlocked for
obstacle arose, and he reserved de-
cision. 1t was i'm the trial oc a suit
brought by DR.. q. p. Finlaw, a we'll
known specialist, against F. Sitley,
prosperous grain dealer, to recover
one hundred and fifty dollars.
The doctor stated his case briefly,
explaining that he had attended Mrs.
Sitley, and that Mr.. Sitley had re-
fused to pay his bill. That was
plain enough, but when the plaintiff
was turned over for cr0ss-examina-
tion to eX-Judge Howard Carroll,
as counsel for Sitley, the case took a
somewhat different turn.
Doctor, this is a pamphlet issued
by you, is it not ?" asked the attor-
ney, presenting a small book issued
as an advertising circular by the
doctor.
"Yes, sir" replied the plaintiff.
" And are all its statements true ?"
Yes, SIR"
"Please turn to page ten"
The doctor turned the leaves and
opened the designated page.
"N0w read the last line.n
:" No cure, no pay" quoted the
plaintiff.
"That will do; that is our case
Mrs. Sitley is dead )" and the ex-
judge proceeded to gather up his pa
pers.
Judge Joline gave his spectacles q
twich, gave a turn to his fluffy mus
tache, and said that he would decide
the case later on.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

REsENTFUL.--"I have good
father" said the young man, Zone
who, am sure, always tried 10 do
his duty. / have only one thing
with which to reproach him."
What is that?'
Human nature is human nature,
and l must take it for granted that
he is no exception to universal rule.
don't think can ever forgive him
for the manner in which he used to
go around and bore his friends with
the smart things l said when 1 was q
baby.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

THANK you" said the lady to
the man who gave her his seat in the
street car.
You surprise me-" replied the
man.
How do you mean?n
BY that / thank you.'"
She smiled.
couldn't have surprised you
more than you surprised me by Of
fering me your seat"
The stand-Off was thus completed.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

DID l understand you to say
that you are unmarried, madam P"
asked the lawyer, who was cross-ex-
amining a Chicago woman.
don't know what you under
stood me to say" replied the wit
ness, "but that is what 1 said. /
have been unmarried four times.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

WE have called" said the chair
man of the impromptu committee,
" for some explanation OF your
wearing that plaid necktie in the
pulpit last Sabbath morning."
1t was the only way conld think
Of" said the meek minister, "to
keep the congregation awake"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

PAssER-Good day, Parson. They
tell me you are preaching on the sub
ject of eternal punishment, now
Do you really believe in it?
Parson--Ter be sho' | does, sab
but not ter no unreasonable extents,
sab. l boun' ter t'ink de sinner
gwine git 'ternal punishment fo' a
time, but / hain't de man ter 'sist
hit gwine ter las' fOrebber IN ebber.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

INSURANCE SOLICITOR Well,
Doctor, have you examined this new
claimant?
Doctor-No, l haven't thought it
necessary. You see, Ive been treat
ing him for the last seven years.
Insurance Solicitor-That's enough.
If he has survived that he must be a
person Of wondrous vitality.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

REVEREND PAsTOR-Mrs. Wakely
tells me they have a great deal
of trouble In getting their baby to
sleep.
Mrs. Temple-I suppose 1t Is too
young to take to church.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

JACK-Maud wants to know why
you shun her company now.
TOm-Well, the fact Is, Pm broke.
Jack-I'll tell her, and you need
not shun her any more.
Tom (brighteniug)-By Jove! Do
you think so
Jack-Yes; she'll shun you.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

Mr.. FAINTLEIGH (starting out
for walk with Miss Lastchance)-
All, here comes Parson Peddle, evi-
IDENTIFY out for an airing, too. Per-
haps he will join us.
Miss Lastchance-This is very sud-
den, Mr.. Faintleigh; but since you
insist, suppose the parson might as
well join us now as at any other
time
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

DOLLY SWIFT Has Mrs. Putting
ton any ground for claiming to be a
Daughter of the Revolution?
Sally Gay-Oh, yes. Her father
used to run a merry-go-round.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

He" Have you heard my new
song, "The Proposal p"
She" No. What key is it in P"
He" B mine-er."
She" will. And now you can
transpose it to the key of A fiat"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

"YoU'LL save half your money
by buying one of these patterns"
said the clerk at the bargain counter.
"Then I'll take two and save all
nv money" sweetly smiled the
newly.married shopper.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

IN an advertisement for young
gentleman who left his parents, it
was stated that "if Master Jackey
will return to his discOnsolate pa
rents, he shall be allowed to sweeten
his own coffee.''
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04
Humming. Birds Umbrella.

"A writer in the american Sports
man tells remarkable story about a
humming-bird
In front of the window where
worked last summer was a butternut-
tree. A humming-b bird built her
nest on limb that grew near the
window, and we had an opportunity
to watch her closely. In fact, we
could look right into the nest.
One day, when there was a heavy
shower coming up, we thought we
would see if she covered her young
during the rain. Well, when the
first drops fell, she came and took
in her bill one OF two or three large
leaves growing close by, and laid
this leaf over the nest 50 as to com
pletely cover it; then she flew away
On examining the leaf we found {
hole in it, and in the side Of the
nest was Small stick that the lea
was fastened to, or hooked upon
After the storm was over the ole
bird came back and unlocked the
leaf, and the nest was perfectly dry
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

WESTERN TRANsIENT-Did you
ever live on the border, madam"
Landlady-No, indeed, sir. But
I've had a good many boarders live
on me.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

AN OLD FRIEND Kansas
Farmer don't know how it is, but
l don't feel comfortable any more.
The old place amt what it used to be,
VisitOr-What's the trouble?
Kansas Farmer-W Well, yer see nv
son, he come home a few DAYS ago,
and he paid off the mortgage!
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

Now" said the lawyer, 81 can
not take your case unless you tell me
the whole truth"
What shall i tell first ?" asked
the client, peering between the bars.
We'll, you might as well let me
know fully how much money you
have gOt.v
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-04

BUT, my dear sir, you must
positively follow my directions
You must take an ice cold bath every
morning."
Why, doctor, that's just what
am doing"
"Oh-er-well, then you must
stop It,"