The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-08-28
THE OLD HUMORISTS.
BOB BuRDETTe AND THE CHURCH
GOING BRAKEMAN.

The Episcopal Limited Express, the Broad
Presbyterian, the Methodist Revival
Train and the Baptist River Road.
On the road once more, with Lebanon
fading away in the distance, the fat
passenger drumming idly ON the win
dow pane, the cross passenger sound
asleep and the tall, thin passenger read
ing General Grants Tour Around the
World and wondering why Green's
/ August Flower should be printed
above the doors Of "a Buddhist Temple
at Benares." To me comes the brake
man and, seating himself on the arm of
the seat. says:
81 went to church yesterday"
YES" I said, with that interested
infection that asks for more. And
what church did you attend?"
(Which do you guess?'' he asked.
"Some Union mission school,, " I haz-
arded.
NAV" he said, II don't like to run
ON those branch roads very much. /
don't often go to church, and when I do
/ want to run on the main line, where
your run is regular and on schedule
time and you don't have to wait on con-
nections. / don't like to run on a
branch. Good enough, but I don't like
it,"
"Episcopal?" I guessed.
Limited express" he said. "All
palace cars and 90 extra for a seat; fast
time and only stop at big stations. Nice
line, but too exhaustive for a brakeman.
All train men in uniform, conductors
punch and lantern silver plated and nc
train boys allowed. Then the passengers
are allowed to talk back to the con
duotor, and it makes them too free and
easy. No, I couldn't stand the palace
) cars. Rich road, though. Don't often
hear of a receiver being appointed fol-
that line. Some mighty nice people
travel on it too"
:. "Universalistf" I suggested.
Broad gauge" said the brakeman.
"Does too much complimentary bust
ness. Everybody travels IN a pass
Conductor doesn't get a fare once in 81
. miles. Stop at all flag stations and
won't run into anything but a Unior
ucpOu. No chlOhiuB CdI I'LL tuO jail
Train orders are rather vague, though
e and the trainmen don't get along wei
with the passengers. No, I don't 60 tt
. the Universalist, though I know ONT
awfully good men who run on tina
road"
I "Presbyteriany" I asked.
n Marrow gauge, eh?" said the brake
man. pretty track, straight as a rule
tunnel right through a mountain rathe
e than go round it; spirit level grade
passengers have to show their ticket be
fore they get on the train. Mighty stric
road, but the cars are a little narrow
have to sit one in a seat and no room il
the aisles to dance. Then there is n
stop over tickets allowed; got to g
straight through to the station your
. ticketed for or you can't get on at all
h When the cars full, no extra coaches
cars built at the shops to hold just s
many, and nobody else allowed on. Blu
<, you don't often hear of any accident Of
10 that road. It's run right up to tn
/. rules"
Is Maybe you joined the Free Think
ers?' I said.
"Scrub road" said the brakeman
s, "Dirt roadbed and no ballast; 10 tim
W card and no train dispatcher. All train
. run wild, and every engineer makes h
&c own time, just as he pleases. Smoke
you want to; kind of 60 as you pleas
road. Toe many side tracks, and ever
O., switch wide open all the time, with tn
switchman sound asleep and the targt
lamp dead out. Get on as you pleas
and get off when you want to. Don
have to show your tickets, and the col
ductor isn't expected to do anything br
amusa the p~assenpers. No. sir: I W,