Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-03-18
HUM0R OF THE DAY,

Mamma-"Now, take this, Johnny.
You like sugar, you know" johnny
"Yes, but pills spoil Puck.
Teacher-"Who is that whistling in
school?" New Boy-"Me. Didn't you
know I could whistle ?''-London FL
garo.
She. Strange how wet it is." He
-"Be stranger still if it were dry
with such heavy rains. Comic Home
journal.
He-"Miss Belle is easily deceived"
She-"How's that? "He- -"She thinks
she's mad because 1 kissed her
Town Topics.
He-"May I kiss you? I have
never kissed a girl before" She
"You can't break any records with
me. Town Topics.
Beautiful Heiress latter the balD:
"Mary, go back to the hall and see if
perhaps there are any more lleutenants
kneeling about. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
His Father-"Now you can see what
your course of living has brought you
to-" The Spendthritt-"Yos, indeedt
1 can't borrow another cent. Puck.
"The man brought ton of coal yes.
terday, and now it's gone. 1t must
have been stolen" "Don't be hasty.
Perhaps you mislaid it yourself.
Detroit Tribune.
Prison nspectors-"That man over
there seems to positively enjoy the
treadmill." Warder-"Yes, sir. 'E's
used to the haction. 'E was bicycle
thief. ."-Household Words.
Mrs. Knight-''Does your husband
treat you the same now as he did when
he was courting you?" Mrs. Laight-
"Pretty much. He keeps me in the
dark. "-Yonkers Statesman.
'Iook here, Gerald! Your father
and Captain Armstrong are giving
Ella lesson on the bicycle" ''Yes,
Mummie; but why does Ella always
fall off on Captain Armstrong; side?"
Punch.
"I wonder what got Bluebeard
starting to cutting off his wives
heads?" VERY the likely the idea
occurred to him while he was at the
theatre behind q big hat. Indian
apolis Journal.
HAS your husband the button
collecting fad?" inquired the caller.
"Well," replied young Mrs. Torkins
doubttully; she usually helps take
up the contribution in our church. -
Washington Star.
In Russia teachers are none too we'll
paid. At scholastic meeting some
one proposed the toast: "Loag live
our school teachers" What on?'
asked cadaverous-looking specimen,
rising in his seat.-Tit- bits.
Cholly-"I wonder il your father
would fly into passion if | were to
ask him for you?" Adelaide e-"Not
if you tell him first that he looks
twenty years younger since he shave
off his whiskers. "-Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Tamblin (tearfully): "They
brought my husband home in hack
from the banquet last night How did
yours get home?" Mrs. Sanderson-"I
don't know, but l suspect that he was
carried along by his breath. ."-Cleve-
land Leader.
Medium Ito party at sitting) -''The
spirit OF your deceased husband
desires to converse with you" Wife
"Huh! if he amt got no more spirit
now than he had when he died, he
amt worth troubling about. New
York World.
He-I have often wished, dearest,
that we lived in the old days of
chivalry, SO I could do some brave act
to prove my devotion to you" She
81 have wished so myself, Edwin; but
still, you haven't asked pupa's consent
yet. Lark.
"How matrimony does change
mani" "Huh! 1t changes woman,
too. When we were engaged my
wife-to.be was always trying to make
1 me save money. Now she doesn't
gimme chance to save q cent. p
Chicago Enquirer.
Magistrate -''rhe gamekeeper says
that he saw you taking this pheasant.
What have you to say to that"
Prisoner-"I only took it for lark. !"
| Magistrate-"S months for making
such an ornithological error. Con
suit your natural history in future"
Judy.
''Have you been able to catch the
Speakers eye?" asked the first lady
member OF Parliament. 'Have I?'
rejoined the second NJ. P. "Well,
rather; I wore my navy blue bengaline
with the heliotrope sleeves, and the
Speaker couldn't keep his eyes ofme. "
-Pearson's Weekly.
The Mrs. Briggs has sent
for me to go and see her boy, and l
must go at once" "What is the mat
ter with the boy?" The Doctor-"I
don't know; but Mrs. Briggs has a
book on 'What to do Before the Doc
tor Comes" and 1 must hurry up
before she does 1t. "-Collier Weekly.
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