The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-11-03
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

NO lnVentlOn, we unlIh, eNel CuuSou
quite so much talk as the telephone.
-Yonkers Statesman.
Teacher-"What animal attaches
himself to man the most?" johnny
"The-er-er bulldog, ma'am. -
Pittsburg Bulletin. \.
"What is this telegraphy without
wiresP" "Well, when 1 was young
they called it making eyes at the
girls. Chicago Record.
'Little pitchers have long ears"
"True; but it wouldn't matter so much
if the big pitchers hadn't such very
long tongues. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Drink to me only with thine eyes?"
The poet was u sage, wlst.
The things one drinks with but ones eyes
Are least expensive on the listl
-Harper's Bazaar.
Fair Visitor-"I suppose, Mr.. Pa
Iette, that true art is very difficult to
understand?" Mr.. Palette-"About
as difficult to understand, ma'am, as it
is to sell. Detroit Free Press.
Watts-"Can you furnish me par
rot that uses pure English?" Dealer
-'I can't exactly guarantee the purity
Of this ones English, but can assure
you that he is perfectly grammatical" ="
cleveland Leader.
Little Clarence latter thinking deep
ly)-"Pa" Mr.. Callipers (wearily)-
"Well, my son?" Little Clarence
"Pa, why is it two headed girls are so
scarce when two-faced men are so COM
mon?"-Harper's Bazaar.
ST amt goin' out on tandem with
dat Susie Mellon girl again, no, sab. "
"Whaffer?" "Kase when her toes
amt collidin' with the handle bah, her
heels is plowin' cutters in de ground!"
Cleveland Plaiu Dealer.
She-"Tell me truly, now, is your
heart wholly mine?" He-"As nearly
as it is possible, 1 being loyal pa
.riot. George Washington, you know,
Is first in the hearts of his country
men. boston Transcript.
Mother lin horror)-"O Johnl
Don't you see what baby is doingP
He is sucking all the paint Oh that
monkey on the stickp' Father deep
in his paper)-"Oh, that's all right!
It only cost two cents. Puck.
Smythe-'T wonder what idiot orig
mated the phrase, There's no ac-
counting for taste?'" Tompkins-
"Why?" Smythe-"B Because I'd like
to get at him! I've just been account
ing to the milliner and modiste for my
wife's tastel"-Brooklyn Life.
"Say, old man, just suppose 1 had
the choice, would you advise me to
marry an ugly girl with money or
pretty girl without money!" "A
pretty girl without money, by all
means. That would give you the
name of having money yourself. -
Detroit journal.
Visitor-"What! He is three months
old, and you haven't named him yeti"
Mrs. Wheeler-"No. You see IT'S
this way: l want to name him after
my bicycle and John insists ON naming
him after his. l guess we will have to
compromise and name him after the
wheel mother rides. Puck.
$50 l have won the wager, he said,
ioyfully, "and the ten kisses are
mine. 1 will take them at once. "
George" said the beautiful girl,
with noble, generous light in her
eve, 'I am not the one to drive hard
bargain with you. Let us call it nine
ninety-nine. At ten o'clock the
score was past the hundred mark
Detroit Free Press.
First Burglar-"It's no use tryin'
dat place t'-night. De man an his
wife went in bout an hour ago, an l
heard him tell her he'd buy her a di'-
mond necklace tomorreY. Second
Burglar-"Whats dat got Z do witit2'
First Burglar-"Plentyl She won't
be able T. sleep fer t'inkin bout it,
an he won't sleep fer t'inkin' how he's
got G. pay for it, Puck.