The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-07-29
Stories of an inland State.

That is a common appellation, be
Heve."
Don't you spring none of those double
jointed two-humped words on me, Mr.. Mar
TIM"
What had you in mind?"
"Weu this is the wild and woolly west
amt it? And according TO the Bible Pales
tine is the Holy Land. amt it? Are thos,
two propositions homogenerously correct?'
Yes nodded Martin.
''Well you've lived here some years, Mr.
Martin, and want to know of you if i
ever came within your knowledge of u:
out here ever killing seventy people on one
| stone?"
ION one stoner exclaimed the Under.
taker.
That's what said. Seventy people or
one stone. Seventy adults on one lime
stone slab
"whew!' gasped the Undertaken.
well. did your
mo sirreei''
Neither did I, and yet they call this wild
and woolly'
Did any one ever do that-kill all those
people on one stone?'
did they?" exclaimed Peter with pride
in his superior information. Did they?
| Well, 1 guess. Don't you know Anime
| lech?'
NO. don't believe do. Does he live
| here?"
| Does he live here, Listen at you Live
here, Why he died before julius Caesar
/ grandfather was born. He's in the Bible"
| oh" exclaimed Mr.. Martin. And
what did ne do?'
do, He just cracked seventy heads on q
stone
How was that?"
We'll, Gideon, who was boss at that
time, had seventy kids which were square
up boys and a little cuss named Abimelech.
about whose mother there was a whole lot
OF local gossip. Gideon up and kicked the
bucket and right after the funeral Abime-
lech loafed around the street with the
knock down argument that seventy sons
couldn't all be king and the people arose
on the street corners and yelled themselves
hoarse for Abimelech and equal rights to
all. He named his own delegates and
carried the primaries with a whoop. Then
he sharpened his razor -
His razor?" put in Undertaken Martin,
reddening.
NO not his razor-I think It was a club
with knots on il, any way, off he GALVANIZED
across the country with a few intimate
friends and sought out his seventy broth
ers and one after another he held their
reads on a stone and hit EN- a swat with
the club
Heavens, 1t must have been big
funeral" said Martin smiling.
Don't be sacreligious,' protested Peter.
Certainly not" answered Martin What
became OF Abimelech them"
"Wen, one kid named lothian he didn't
swat He hid out and after Abimelech
was made king lothian sort of made a
Salvation army out of himself and walked
about the streets preaching. He told EN-
the parable of the trees. All the trees was
signing for a king, you see, and they
went to the Olive tree and the Olive said
Not on your whiskers ! amt in the king
business this year. Then they went 10 the
fig-tree and he kicked on account of the
rush Of spring trade or something, and
then they went to the vine and II was
afraid 1t couldn't please the Proh!bit!onists
or something, and at last they went TO the
bramble and the bramble said he would
take the Job If they would put their money
on him and stay by him, but II not fire
would come out Of him and scorch the PIN
feathers off the whole tribe. Now lothian
sad to the people: IF you have treated
those seventy brothers of mine decent. Mr..
Rramhle Ab,melech viii make you tip
top, hydra ul.c-pressure monarch, but If You
cid the wrong thing to those kin of mine,
a fire Will come out OF Abimelach and you
wont have any insurance on your goods.
AFTER saying this lothian tied up his
extra set of false teeth with a cold biscuit
ard seventy locks OF his brothers hair
and skeedaddled for parts unknown or
property abutting thereto. Meanwhile
trouble had arisen between Abimelech and
his people over the distribution of the post
offices and young guy named Gaal got to
cutting up high-jinks, stealing fruit and
walking on other peoples grape vines and
talking loud on tho streets when Abime-
lech's friends were around. And one day
he bowled up and putting out his stomach.
he hi. the table a rap with his fist and said:
Who's Abimelech?
"WeIl the police put Ab.melech on TO
what Gaal was saying and the next morn
ing Gaal and Mayor Zebul Of the town
went out to lick Abimelech. 4 little piece
down the road they come to some noun
ta.ns. and away up on top was the whole
army of Abimelech just licking its chops
10 get at the Gaal outfit.
And Gaal seeing the army said: Gee
wh;llikensl See the push" But the Mayor
told him Il was shaddsrs. Mike. You
couldn't fool GaaL He saw them and he
wanted 20 meet man on urgent business
IN the next township. but the Mayor said |
TO him: Have you got your mouth about |
your Yes said Gaal. 'Why?' Cause |
said the Mayor sarcastic-Eke. I wonder If |
it'd now say Who's Abimelech?'
"Gaal felt little sheepish and went out |
10 fight and Abimelech didn't DO thing |
TO him. He chased him all over the north |
side OF the county and finally caught him |
and kicked seventeen kinds OF pain into |
him, grabbed him by the neck and rubbed |
his nose n the dust. kicked him again, |
stood him on his head and wallOped him |
and wrapped him around a tree, holding /
him by the feet. Then he heard that some
more people who had been asking Who's |
were coming out TO be slaugh-
tered in the latest style and he turned back
srd whipped bright crystalline day-Eghts
put OF them; then he pushed on 70 the city
and in temple he found one thousand |
men and women crowded together. Abims-
ech sad something about there being
ire sale in day or TWO and cut twig |
rom a tree, lii it and made his whole army
10 likewise. Then they put he tHigs under
he temple and one thousand people were
on the spot But there was sti-i
! strong building in the town and there
alive had gathered But Abime-
ech meant 10 settle their hash and he took
10 an AK and walking I'D 10 the front door
,it her a lab that made the plaster crack
inside And then woman from window
Dove dropped a stone on Abimelech's head |
nd broke his skull and he sank down there
n The ground. but ne crawled up again
nd said it was only a little stun. But he
rev better and ne called q friend OF his