Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-08-05
ltill!|||||Sil!ll|l!ss

Husband-"Do you need anything Tor
the house?" Wife-"The cook says
there is not enough china TO last the
week out."-Life.
Literal: The Rescuer-"How did you
come to fall inT The Rescued
didn't come to fall In: l came to fish,
Harper's Weekly.
He-'Would you scream IL should
kiss your She-"And II were to
allow you to. would you squealY'-in-
dianapolis Journal.
Bertha-"What is the height of your
ambition, dearY Marie (blushing)-
"Oh, something between five and half
and six feet."-Fun.
Mrs. Church-"Did you ever catch
your husband hirting?" Mrs. Gotham
That's the way / did catch him.
Yonkers Statesman.
Mr.. Crimsonbeak-"Wha type OF girl
would you call that one with bloom
ers" Mrs. Crimsonbeak-"Ab bold face
type."-Yonkers Statesman.
Mr.. Buffum-'Is 1t a fact that you
can neither read nor writer Illiterate
Don't know. Never tried to do
either."-Boston Transcript.
He-"Do you think women are the
equals of men" She-"Yes; but l
don't think men are the equals of wo-
men."-Columbus State Journal.
Capital, you know, is universally
timid." How queer! thought 1t was
ha .hn
shy."-Typographical Journal.
Has the objectionable sin ever been
discovered?' Eyes; 1t is the act Of
sprinkling tacks on bicycle path
Philadelphia North American.
Higginton-"Come up and see us
some time" Stepperby-"Awfully
sorry, but 1 shall be engaged on that
occasion. boston Transcript.
First Summer Girl-"Having many
offers" Second Summer Girl-"Yes,
I've had to limit proposal speeches to
five minutes each."-New York Jour
nal.
James-''rhe rain falls alike on the
just and the unjust" Jones-''True,
but the unjust man Is generally pro-
vided with the just mans umbrella
Fun.
He" sobbed the verdant bride,
docs not love me any more" You are
lucky" said the seasoned matron, III
he does not love you any less."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Archie-"I always think evening
ba frx, t<, Iad -
humor." Bertie-"Why" Archie
Because she can't laugh in her
sleeve."-Pick- Me-Up.
Claudio you think your father
would offer me personal violence If
were to ask him for your" Mabel
mo; but 1 think he will If you don't
pretty soon."-Tit-Bits.
The old maids soliloquy: "At seven
teen years Of age l inquired which Is
he? At twenty, who is he? At twenty
five, what has he? And now. where Is
he?'-Fliegende Batter.
Bride (who has eloped)-"Here is a
telegram from papa" Bridegroom
(anxiously)-"What does he say?'
Bride-"All is forgiven, but don't come
back. "-Collier's Weekly.
A question in grammar: Mr.. Kink
Ito a professor in Biddle University
"Perfesserw "Well, Mr.. KinkY'
(which is the past tense of the verb to
hoodoo'-hoodon or hoodd ?'-Harlem
Life.
Mr.. Benham-'I wish were single
again." Mrs. Benham-"You horrid
wretch. What would you do If you
were?' Marry you again." Mrs.
Benham-"Oh, you darling creature
Modern Society.
Poet-"That man we just passed Is
Editor Soanso. He is one OF my most
particular friends" Ditto-"He must
buy your POEMS" Poet-"Oh, no; he
never buys any. / said most particu-
lar, didn't I?"-Judge.
1T is so aggravating to go house
hunting every spring." said the lady in
the city. I'VE generally have to hunt
ours up two or three times a summer"
said the cousin from the cyclone belt
Typographical Journal.
He-"T am looking forward to the
time when shall make you one of the
happiest of women" She-"You are
very kind, sir; but I do not think my
father would allow me to accept BIZ
cycle from you."-Yonkers Statesman.
Teller-"Grimshaw is the only man Of
my acquaintance who invariably wins
in an argument with woman" As
kins-"How, in the name of wonder,
does he do itT' Teller-"Oh. he states
his side of the case and walks off,
Puck.
Traveller Ito the ferryman crossing
the river)-"Has any one ever been lost
in this streamT Boatman-"No, sir.
Some professor was drowned here last
spring, but they found him again after
looking for two weeks. "-Fliegende
Batter.
A mere figure of speech: Hc-"Away
you go to the sea-shore, Mrs. Tifiing-
ton, and leave your Woodworking hus-
band chained to his desk" She
Chained? No, indeed; IL you. only
could be, I'd have some peace of mind"
Brooklyn Life.
Bacon-"Have you see Sprocket late
ly?" Egbert-"No." Bacon-"He's q
sight. Face all cut, arm In n sling,
and walks lame" Egbert-"How did
he do it, on his bicycleT Bacon-"No;
II he could have stayed on the bicycle,
ell twl.t