Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1897-07-28
Whole Number, 388.
Henfarmer to Duckfarmer.
Swamp-Edge Slope,

Swamp-Edge Slope,
Leedes- Pint-OD-t the Great Bay,
July "a. 1897.
The bravery displayed by Uriah in
that famous Galloway Township fnan-
cial snake hunt, left no room for doubt
as to his acceptance Of the Henfarmer's
challenge; but it does appear as if, at the
last moment, his blood-currents ran
slow and cool, as is shown by the long
range named by h!m- Every one knows
that corDstalks are available only at
close range, and Uriah, master of science
that he In, is well aware that the dyna-
mic force required to propel mellow
duck fruit to a distance of one hundred
PAGES will cause q premature explosion of
every missile.
The duck shot is offensive enough, or
would be at effective range and had he
chosen "that heap of rails" he would
have had weapon of ~ defence. The
Henfarmer had no idea of sham con-
test, but, like a gentleman of the old
school, he comedies every demand of the
challenged party. He need have had no
consideration for me in the choice of
weapons, for | am an expert in the art
of (wire) fencing, and in an emergency
can handle fence-rails to good advan-
tage.
For my second l will choose Bert
English, who, being an expert in that
line, will select my weapons. | name
but one gentleman of honor, Clark
Bowen, who, for the honor of Leedses
Pint and Frog street, is anxious to see
fair play.
But hark Leedses Pint and Frog
street have got an inkling of our inten-
tiOns. We must arrange the details and
take our departure with all possible
secrecy, or we may have enough seconds
to transform our duel into a free fight;
or Uncle Sam, if he hears of it, may rail
road an annexation treaty through the
Senate, SO that he can have a posse Of
deputy marshals on the grounds to inter-
cept us.
No, the Henfarmer does not attribute
to the gold standard the grandest
civilization, the most glorious human
developement that ever heaven smiled
upon. 1t were as reasonable to charge
upon that standard the miserable con-
dition of Russia's peasantry, which
everyone knows is the result of cropping
the iron heel of an aristOcratic class.
the silver standard, the pitiable condi-
ton of the heather millions of China.
And o, my brother, how quickly have
the days Of prosperity, from 1892 to
1873" transmogrified into the et.pioneer
age of Americal" Surely 'shocus pocus''
is in the climax of it's develOpement.
IT a country's civilization OF its pros
perity is to be attributed to its currency,
it is no trouble to prove that gold is
the currency par excellence. Let me
give you a few facts-not vaporous
argument, not dazzling metaphor, not
flights of eloquenc,- facts that a
child might utter, so simple and patent
are they to everyone. The years arefew
since the average young man, when he
fully realized his lonely condition, with
hardly a cent i'll his pocket, his thread
bare clothes scarcely retaining the
semblance of respectability, persuaded
the lady of his choice to enter with him
upon a career of love-not in cottage
but in hut that scarcely deserved the
name of dwelling, and as innocent of
furniture as q COW stable. Together
they struggled for bare existence, and
attained to comfortable circumsta ices
only in hardened, wrinkled age, when
the sweetness of life was sucked dry and
the desire for it's pleasures and the
ability to enjoy them were gone forever.
Who knows of such cases now? The
young man Of intelligence and energy is
scarcely free from his parents before be
finds himself possessed of snug little
bank account, the result of his own
industry. Together he and some
"buttermilk" maiden snuggle down in
q cozy home, comfortably furnished and
fairly supplied with there cesaries of life.
They realize nothing OF the hardships
endured by their parents just before
that terrible crime of which the gentle
breezes murmur as they whistle through
Senator Stewards whiskers these warm
summer evenings. What family in
humble circumstances in 1873 or even
1880, could have the woodshed full of
bicycles and an Estey in the parlOr
Let me mention a few causes sugar at
40 per cent of the old price: calico at so;
muslins at 60; clothing at so; dress
goods at so; shoes at IS; kerosene at 25.
The family that, twenty years ago,
bought their oil in a quart can, use a
five gallon can now. So | might 60 on
forever. Did gold do this ? Certainly it
did. Duckfarmer must eat his Mondays
breakfast on Friday night if he claims
more for silver than will for gold.
Yes, this is a question of the rich
against the poor. There always were
rich, always were poor, always will be
they always were and always will be,
arrayed against each other. The "plu-
tocrat'' is the fellow that holds the
bonds; the ''popocrat" the fellow that
wants them, Now, as ever, the "popO-
crat" with more shrewdness, industry
and perseverance, than his fellows, to-
morrow finds his wallet stuffed with
bonds and takes his place among the
'plutocrats," while his erstwhile fellows,
who lacked his capabilities, clamor fora
division. If you don't believe me, search
the biographies and find the numerous
great names of to-day that designated
the barefoot boys of generation ago.
Yes, English capital controls many of
our railroadr, mines and factories, buys
our land, holds our mortgages and de-
velOpee our cities. | am sorry, but it
can't be helped. The glorious principles
of Father Jefferson will not allow us to
prohibit foreigners from investing their
money here, nor would that grand old
Constitutional Father, if he could. pre-
vent us from selling our lands, our
stocks and bonds, our products OF our
labor, to whoms oever we will.
And, after all, is not this very fact, the
grandest argument to prove that no
national prosperity equals ours? Man
kind can exist only while the mSjority of
earth's millions are laborers; the laborer
cannot thrive without employment:
there can be no employment without
capital; capital is timid-it lends itself
only where it's lucrative hopes are
strongest; therefore all the capital OF the
old world seeks investment in the new,
making our workiDgman the thrIftiest,
most comfortable workingman in the
world, even in these days of depression.
And after all, does not the fact that
these hard times are worldwide, con-
clusively prove that they are due to
causes which both gold-bug and silver
bug have failed to fathom? Not gold
standard countries alone, but those also
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