Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-01-17
THEIR FUNNY WAYS.
POOR, FRAIL WOMAN AND HER
GLAZING INCONSISTENCIES.
wives Admire Their Husbands
When Said Husbands Are Absent,
But Are Critical I'm Their Presence.
Those Post-Omce Doors.

Those Post-Omce Doors.
A woman's idea of Heaven Is to as
sist another woman in the manufacture
Of her trousseau. There is something
weirdly fascinating to the weaker sex
in the fabrication OF this paraphernalia,
and old maids delight in II. II ever you
drop into a household and find each OF
lace-work, you can set II down that
somebody's going to be married. Don't
suppose for a moment that they're
making pillow-shamsl The funny part
about 1t is that all the time this mystic
web is being woven the bride-elect is
loudly proclaiming to the world that she
has no idea OF matrimony; that she
wouldn't leave her dear pa and brothers
for all the world. She viii not only as
sert this. but she will swear to it, and
such is the vehemence of her perjury
that you-a chuckle-headed man-are abb
solutely deluded. You find yourself sur
prised that you should have ever credited
rumor. Pending these asseyerations. you
will note the arrival OF many packages
from the dry-goods stores. You Will
likewise note that everybody is busy.
Perhaps you'll be idiot enough to get off
some joke about the finery you see. and
If you are a gibbering maniac you Will
ask for what the stuff is to be used.
When a woman is doing lace-work, don't
ever ask questions. 1 used to do 1t.
They would invariably reply that they
were fixing handkerchief border. Then.
when they thought 1 wasn't looking. /
could through the corner OF my eye. see
a smile go round. There are some
things about which it is best TO keep
quiet. This is one Of them.
Why is it that these women veil their
matrimonial plans in so much mystery,
anyhow? They are inconsistent from
start to finish. sThey get bowling mad
If other women say that nobody's wait
ing on them" (Heaven knows, they all
keep men waiting); and yet, II you inti-
mate that they are going to marry, they
bristle up like mad cats. They go out
three nights in the week with some fell
low they despise, just to throw people
off the track, and the same day they
will distribute eighteen pieces Of trous-
seau work among their lady friends. This
indiscretion in itself is better adver-
tlsement Of the coming nuptials than a
three-foOt hand-bill scattered over the
town. When the chosen one appears
in company with the bride-elect. she
snubs him maliciously. and gushes over
other men, as If they were pie. This
Is done TO delude the "non-deludable"
public. The next day the fiancee will
go on Broad street and spend $50 In
Valenclennes. point desprt, and organ
die. Fifty per cent. of the female popu-
laton, who happen TO be at the remnant
counter. will note the purchases and
shout the glad tidings. The other 80
per cent, who show up the next day at
the great sweet-soap sales, Will be In
formed Of the expenditures by the shop
girls. The secret is kept so well that
up to three weeks before the ceremony
there is not a soul who knows about the
approaching marriage, except the girls
immediate family, her closest friends,
some 10000 inhabitants OF the city, and
thirteen old sweethearts.
My love for dogs has always been as
profound as my dislike for cats, which
is a most emphatic way of saying that
| dote on CANNES. Cats have bad habits
which set an unworthy example to youth.
They are out late of nights and indulge
In amours that would be fitting subjects
for nineteenth century novels. They
gossip loudly at eventide. and The females
wear whiskers-a thing ! cannot bear
In the weaker sex. The mistake OK their
lives lies ir the fact that they don't
remain kittens when they have chance
to do So But dogs are lacking in all
the qualities above alluded TO and possess
many sweet traits of character. The
fact that you are poor cuts no figure
with them, and long after your trousers
are frayed out at the bottom they may
be seen following I'm your wake. In the
darkest hours of affection, when every
other friend tells you that this is Ibis
busy day." your dog will come up and
sniff at you in an approving way, which
indicates that he likes your flavor Their
noses may be cold (and perhaps said
noses do run more than those OF cats)
but their hearts are warm. From my
earliest youth l have recognized these
noble attributes I'm canines-qualities en-
tirely lacking in people and cats-and
the fondest desire of my youth was to
possess a puppy. But my maternal parent
had her ideas about dogs. 100, and
they were at variance with mine. There
fore, 1 did not get the puppy.
But when / married and won a sweet
companion in starvation, / determined
that the first exercise Of my authority
over her should be the establishment Of
a puppy In our household. l had looked
forward to-in fact 1 may say that l had
anticipated-a most exciting day in the
discussion of this matter but much TO
my surprise and even regret, | was met
with unprecedented acquiescence. The
puppy came and was the recipient of
black and geatinously fat and altogether
amiable and jocose. l felt that a new
Joy had entered into my life. That night
we deposited the precious addition to our
household in a backyard BARREL and
then trouble followed. First there were
refractory scratchings within, and then
a reproachful whine, and later on series
of yelpings that lapsed from diminuen-
does into crescendoes of the loudest
kind. At the end Of an hour I began to
lose, in some degree, my enthusiasm for
dogs, and at II o'clock midnight, l
heaped maledictions on the whole species
But the puppy still yelped and every
minute increased his vigor in this ac-
complishment. My wife slept through it
ALA thing that greatly embittered me
against her. And still the puppy yelped.
At early morning, with a look OF grim
determination on my wan face, l arose
and conducted the adolescent canine to
the suburbs with the fixed intention of
there deserving him. After trying for
some time to interest him in the scenery,
| succeeded in giving him the shake and
started home In a more genial mood.
When / reached my domicile the obese
young quadruped was awaiting me on
the front porch with a look of excessive,
unsuspecting amiability. AS Mrs. Mala-
nrnn would saY: ~ had gone first and