davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18

Written fo- The Evening Star.
The Choice of Terms.
Amt TO use O. me an Mandy strugglin'
much fur style;
Folks don't seem to notice it; or, IL they
do, they smile.
I got a city doctor when 1 wasn't feelin'
well.
Cause Mandy said she hoped the malady
was somethin' swell;
He told ME fust twas serious; then 1 thort
1t right to say
EXackly how much money I'd be able fur
to pay.
Prescription fur n mustard plaster's all
that he would write us.
1 furgit jes' what he called it, but 1t
wasn't "'pencicitis."
I've bout give up all hopes of judgin' any,
thin by SCUM.
It's hard here in the country, but it's even
worse in town.
1 know that Mandy didn't mean to break
the law bit
When she picked up the wrong bundle an
went walkin off with it.
But the store-folks wouldn't listen when
We put in denial:
They even talked little bout indictments
an trial
An then they says. We've spotted you.
Eff we come back. we'll chain ye"
l fursit jes what they called it, but it
wasn't "kleptomania.''
An our boy Jake, he got the craze He
started in most brash
10 show how fortunes kin be made with
spunk an not much cash.
He waited round fur sharpers, an the very
fust that came
Found Jake prepared to beat him at his
thimble-rggin' game
He grabbed the feller's wallet, when he d
lost round or two
A-sayin', ''Stid O. bein' robbed myself, why,
I'll rob you"
The p'leeceman made Jake give it up. He
couldn't git hearin'.
L furgit jes' what they called it, but it
wasn't "financeerin'"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
"A Letter Hard to Read.
IN the Cleveland Plain Dealer

Not long ago a Cleveland man received
letter from a lawyer. 1t reached him in
the afternoon, and when he glanced it over
he found that he couldn't make head or
tail to it 1t was only a brief little note on
slip Of paper, but it held that mans close
attention for an hour or more.
We'll. by George" he said, this beats
me!' 1t certainly did, for when it was
time to go home he was still studying on it.
He thrust the puzzler in his pocket and
sought the homeward-bound motor Right
after dinner ne took the letter out and
went to work on 1t again. Pretty soon his
wife wanted to know what he was doing.
Don't bother me-" he said, shortly.
But she insisted and finally he showed
her the note. She looked 1t over with many
Dear. dears'' and We'll, wells" and final
ly she looked up and added:
why don't you take 1t over to Mr.. Jim
merson, the druggist? They say he can
read anything"
So the man Of the house put on his hat
and overcoat and stepped around the cor
ner, where the red and green lights glared
behind the big windows.
Hello. Immersion he cried, "can YOU
make this out?"
And he handed him the lawyers note
The druggist took 1t and glanced it over
Then he went little closer to the nearest
gas burner and looked at 1t again. After
close scrutiny he marched to the rear of
the store and disappeared behind parti-
ton. The man who was thirstng for in
formation wondered at this little, but he
somehow connected the druggists disap-
pearance with a possible desire to use
magnifying glass. Presently the druggist
came back again. He had good-sized bot
tie in his hand.
There you are he said.
whats this?" inquired the other man.
why. your tonic" said the druggist.
who said anything about a tonic?"
"Why, you handed me the prescription"
THE prescription"
Yes, here 1t isl
WHAT reared the other man. did you
think that was a prescription? It's letter
from my lawyer!'
And he went out into the night, roaring
with delight, and thoroughly convinced
that the joke was very much on the doc
tors.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
NEW YORK JUSTICE.
A City in Which n Rival Is Not Held
in Great Esteem. .-

in Great Esteem. ,,...r
AS is generally known, 1t Is a punisha-
BILE offense in the state of New York for
any person to attempt to take his life, al
though it Is not so If the attempt be sue
cessful-which makes self-murder some
what different legally. from the other kind.
AS Is also very generally known, New
York. individually and collectively, is dis
posed to forever point the finger of scorn
at her large and growing neighbor Phila-
delphia.
Not long ago a prisoner was before a
New York judge charged with attempted
suicide and the judge. being a man who
lived on Easy street, where 1t was sunny
IN winter and shady in summer, frowned
fiercely on the culprit because he couldn't
understand how any man would want to
quit this life until he was forced to do So
Your honor" pleaded the culprit look
ing into the frownfng face of justice
there were mitigating circumstances
thought of Offering an excuse for such a
crime. and said nothing.
But there were, your honor" insisted
the prisoner. 1.-THE firm 1 am working
for Informed me last Saturday night that
1 would have to go to Philadelphia to live
as they were compelled to make change"
Inc judges entire demeanor underwent
rapid transformation.
Great goodness" he exclaimed In a hor-
rified tone, 1.-The prisoner is acquitted and
the clerk will please make out a warrant
for the arrest of the firm for assault with
intent to kill"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18

Ease With Dignity.

Men sang of summer roses with their lam
guild Establishment
And of the pleasures that were on the
wing,
When messages in perfume 'twixt the field
and forest went
And days from dawn to dusk were loiter-
ing.
But he is the lucky fellow
Who trudged on with tireless feet,
Though the woodland note was mel
And it's charm was passing sweet.
Whose time for doing nothing doesn't really
begin
Till the holly's in the parlor and the corn
is in the bin.
Oh, who shall sigh for roses, meath the
berries glistening red,
Or care for perfume or for rustic song
When incense from the kitchen is SO gen.
erously shed
Ger the laughter Of a romping childish
throng.
Naughty summer, keep your flowers
That We cherished long ago;
Toll by loving hands builds bowers
That are safe from blast and snow.
And all in vain is sorrows fiercest effort to
come in
When the holly's in the parlor and the corn
is in the bin.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
He Twisted the Lions Tail.

flcm the Chicago News.
The man sitting on a salt barrel had n
hand on which only two fingers were left.
and sizing him up for a veteran of the war
l asked him if he hadn't been wounded by
an exploding she'll
mo, not AS l remembers Of" he replied.
as he held up his hand and turned it over
and over.
Il thought that might have been the case,
but you probably got caught in some sort
of machinery?''
No. not exactly machinery, sir"
Gun explode in your hands?"
mo; no gun didn't explode"
l gave 1t up at that, but after a few
minutes the man looked up and said:
Stranger. you've seen lion. reckon?"
"Oh, yes"
Seen 'en Gagged and looking as harmless
as cats?''
Eyes; they generally look that way."
That's the way l sized up one in a cage
in a circus. He lay there looking so sleepy
and good-natured and harmless that
thought it was a swindIe ON the public and
I'd try to rouse him a bit"
And so you poked him?' I queried.
mo, sir, no poking. I jest calculated to
gin his tail about three twists and make
him feel that life wasn't all beef and bones
and sunshine. 1 waited for my chance and
then reached my hand in. How far is it
from lions mouth to the midle of his
tail"
several 1eet, at least.
II thought it was about rod, but know
better now. / hadn't more'n got hold of his
tail when he got hold of me and was gulp-
in down them missin' fingers. He wanted
the hull hand and arm, but they beat him
off. I thought at first 1 wouldn't explain
matters, but then thought I would. 1 look
a good deal like a fool, don't I?'
Hardly that" $3.50
''Wel you do and that's why explained
I was fool 'nuff to want to twist a lions
tail, and you may be fool 'nuff to want to
poke one in the eye. and SO my advice is
don't"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
MONKEYS AT FOOT BALL,
They Likewise Play Cricket, but Not
According to Rule.
From the Brooklyn Times,

They Likewise Play Cricket, but Not
According to Rule.
From the Brooklyn Times.
Travellers in South Africa have noted the
fact that where monkeys congregate in
large numbers they also indulge in games
Of a certain kind Two of these games
seem to resemble cricket and foot ball.
The cricket is of a primitive order. About
a dozen monkeys stand in a circle, or what
ever is akin to the simian idea of a circle.
Two of them advance from different ex-
II mites of the circle and stop about fif-
teen yards apart, facing each other. The
Nc nkey at the southern end of the circle
has a cocoanut in his hand. He Is the
be Wler.
The monkey at the other erd does not,
as you might suppose, WELD full cane bat.
His business is to dodge the cccoanut which
the bowler aims at his head. The delivery
of the ball is tremendously fast, full pitch
ed and fraught with dire results if 1t
touches the spot" When it does happen
to touch the spot-that is, any part of the
monkeys body-that monkey is very much
out and doesn't even stop to dispute the
question.
Another monkey takes his place until
he, too, receives his dismissal. 1t was
presumed by the travellers that the game
" as finished whel majority Of monkeys
lay nursing their wounds under the friend
ly shade of neighboring palm.
The foot ball is Of a more advanced type
1t is also played with a cocoanut. The
game, II anything, is undoubtedly the
''socker' game. and is played with the feet
Of course there is no goal nor any tactics
to speak Of the object of each animal be-
ing to keep the ball to himself as much as
possible.
Still the competition to get the ball makes
1t resemble a real game of "footer.'' and
the dexterity exhibited by these peculiar
amateurs is surprising and wonderful.
In an evil moment some ambitious mon
key may elect to play the Rugby game by
snatching up the ball and making off. but
the game then develops into war, in which
life is sometimes the prize.
No mention is made of referee, but If
there is one about like a wise and provi-
dent monkey, he is probably up tree.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
Not New to Him.
From Life.

The newly arrived soul was paying his
first visit to the Cave of the Winds In the
upper realms of space. and his astral body
quivered and shook like a pendent ribbon
in the maelstrom of sound waves. 1t was
a horrid din. Shrieks, walls, screeches,
squeaks and crashes. in major and minor
keys. made up the awful discord.
You don't seem to mind 1t much" said
his ghostly guide.
No. said the tourist shade. you see
while on earth 1 became hardened to all
sorts of discords. / managed a college
glee club for three seasons"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
His Rights Were Respected.

A tall. ferce-looking, red-headed man.
with wiry chin whiskers and a gruff voice.
was playing billiards with a meek-man-
nered little man, who might have been a
twin brother to Uriah Heap. The red-head-
ed man made a shot.
Here" shouted the little man, that was
a push shot, and they don't count"
What's that?" inquired tine red-headed
man. glaring at his diminutive friend rath-
er savagely.
Push shots are barred, said.''
Barred, hey? Well, who in blazes barred
emp
why they are barred in the rules"
The red-headed man thumped his cue
contemplative expression demanded who
made the rules for this game, anyhow"
The little player hesltated. I'm not ex-
actly sure" he finally said, but think IT
was the French"
Think it was the French, hey? Well.
they're foreigners. amt they?"
The little man looked embarrassed. Il
reckon they be-"
Then 1 want you to distinctly under
stand that I'm an American citizen, a
dweller on freedoms soil ard a believer in
and I don't propose to recognize no rules
made by any foreigners. American rules
are good enough Tor me. Besides. If the
father of the best-looking girl You ever
promised to marry amt got a right to
make a push-shot, who In thunder has,"
. The little man was SILENT and looked
sheepish, and when the game was resumed
he was SO ratified that he missed the cas-
lest kind OF u carom.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
Horrible proposition.
rom the Cincinnati Enquirer.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Perry Patettic-"Mister, would you give
me a few pennies for my poor sick father?
He"
Mister-"He must be pretty sick II you
want to sell him for a few pennies II
you have any good. able-bodied fathers
that can do good days work 1 might
buy them"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18

''Well, he has"
ST see he has a pick and shovel He Is
going ahead with his work. just as IL he
were not rich"
"He has to- His Uncle Obed tended
to that all right"
was it his uncle who settled the prop
erty on him?"
Eyes. And IL there Is anything too
good fur the OF man this week. 1t amt
in sight"
.'Then his uncle isn't dead?"
"Not q bit of It. It all goes to cinch
the proposition that it never pays to play
1t low down on a man because he's a
blood relation. That young chap used to
be the idol of his uncle's eye. The old
gent got SO fond Of him that he announced
in public that he was going to settle all
his property on him. So he had q will
drawed up to that effect, and they seemed
to keep gettin' thicker and thicker, until
q school teacher appeared over to Bendin'
Willers. Both Of EN- got acquainted with
Ter. The old maa he courted his purtiest.
but what did that young coyote do but
jump in and cut his uncle out"
II should think he would have been
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
Unbearable.
From Puck.

Woman Lawyer-"How old are your
Woman Witness (trembnng)-'Hassyf'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18

1t Takes the Women to Find Out.
From tho Atchism Kan.} Giobs.
The average man doesn't know that he
has distinguished ancestors until he mar
ries and his wife makes the discovery.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18
Family Troubles.

See that young
feller?" said Bronco
Bob?
YES" said the
man from the east.
HE doesn't look
so overpowerinss hap
by, does he?"
Certainly not A
man with his arm
in q sling and q
bandage over one eye
hasn't much reason
for looking happy"
You wouldn't pick
him out as a young
man who had just
had q fortune settled
on him?"
mo"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-12-18

washington Is a far different city now
from what it was thirty-five years ago."
said DIR. Abraham C. Pettijohn of Brook
field. Mo-, to a S-ar reporter. for it has
always been my proud boast that i was a
Washington raised boy" DR.. Pettijohn
has BEEN the mayor of his city for several
terms. He has also served several terms
The record-union., 1897-09-23

Government. It is asked. therefore, that
Congress construct a road over these
Federal lands along the best possible
route. and related to the most ad-
vantageous travel Connection with the
San Joaquin Valley.
That this road shall be free to all the
people and be maintained blythe Gov
ernment. That it shall be fine, per-
naanent road, constructed after the most
approved methods, and that it shall be
in a sense a model mountain road. That
the Federal Government shall do for
California in this respect what it has
done in other sections.
The Yosemite Valley is the heritage
Of all the people; access to it should be
free to all, and it's gates be laid open
to all, regardless of ability to make the
trip in: the invitation should be con-
slant Instead of one or two thousand
tourists visiting the valley annually, it
ought to be so easily reached that ten
and twenty thousand people will find it
possible TO dwell for time in this Eden
of beauty and grandeur.
California is interested in having the
road constructed selfshly, and yet out
Of public spirit. While it will be to her
advantage pecuniarily, it will be for the
benefit of all the people of the Union
as well. who have equal share and in
terest in the noblest work of nature up
on the face Of the continent
Let the petition, therefore, be signed
by all The Record Union" has ten
dered its services to put it into circula-
ton, to gather in the memorials, mass
them and forward them to the Califor-
MIA Congressional delegation. 1t asks
each of its contemporaries to render
similar aid. by securing for the me-
MORALS the largest possible number of
SignerS.
The record-union., 1897-09-23
LOOKING FOR REINSURANCE.
A Woman's Visit to the House of
Representatives

rs the House of Representatives
open?" asked the woman who had left
boy with her market basket at the
foot OF the Capitol steps.
Il guess you can get in and look at
the place, answered a man in a uni
form. But there isn't anything going
on"
4 know all about that she rejoined.
Il have been here a great many times
before
Then I shouldn't think you'd care to
come sightseeing at a time when there
is comparatively. so little of interest"
oh I didn't come for the purpose of
sitting in enraptured contemplation of
the greatness of the men assembled
there. l have more sense than that.
Simply because a man can get up and
speak in public, I do not yield him the
palm of superiority It's all matter
of chance. Some men have natural
gift for getting up and talking to
crowd, and when you come to meet
them in private conversation they don't
say thing worth listening to. On the
other hand, youll find men who are
struck dumb when they stand up be-
fore an audience who can under stress
of emotion develop a flow Of eloquence
that will give the house dog a fit of
dizziness and cause the poll parrot to
weep for professional jealousy
"Of course" resumed the man in the
uniform, you know what you want.
offered my suggestion merely because
everybody seems anxious to get look
at the Senators and Representatives,
and we nts to know just when they are
visible"
mo. All I want is to go inside the
House of Representatives for few
minutes, and then I'm going home to
see how my husband is getting along
with the work of putting down carpets
in the house we have just taken"
You will find it quite cool and rest
full
II don't care about the GOODNESS nor
about the rest. I merely desire to SIT
for a moment and recall the scenes OF
the past 1 want to turn my eyes upon
the Speakers desk and recall the way
he used to handle the gavel.
Are you interested in parliamentary
proceedings p"
Not a bit I am simply hungering
to be reminded that the country has
produced a man who could hammer
away by the hour without once hitting
his thumb or relapsing into profanity.
Washington Star.
The record-union., 1897-09-23
DO NOT NEGLECT THE PETITIONS.

Wherever the Yosemite road petitions
have been placed, the people should
freely sign them We ask all friends of
the memorial to take pains to call at
tention to the petition and its locality
IN every community. that the number
of names to be rolled up may be so
great as to impress Congress with the
earnestness Of desire of the people of
California
Many OF our interior contemporaries
have very kindly and in a most public
spirited manner undertaken to promote
the circulation Of the petitions. While
we thank them for II, it is far more
the thankfulness Of the people, since
this is not a matter OF the Record
Unions" but a concern of the whole
State.
The United States Government holds
in reserve a vast body of land in the
high sierras Bedded in the heart of
this reservation is the nobleSt of all nat
ural wonders. the Yosemite Valley.
Access to it can be gained only through
passage over the lands of the Federal
The record-union., 1897-09-23

If one-half the stories told off and on
Nanny Pleasant of San Francisco
are true, she is the most wonder
full character living. This aged negress
appears to have possessed, and to still
who would be supposed to be the very
last to confide in her and trust their
honor and their fortunes to her keep
ing. She has controlled estates worth
millions without shadow of law or right;
she has dictated the domestic policy of
families of wealth and broad influence
She has had Governors, Senators and
Congressman at her beck and call She
has been the confdante of more strange
entangiements of noted men and women
than any person who ever lived in Cali
fornia or elsewhere. She has, if one
half is true that is told of her, an in
definable and irresistible power over
people of high and low degree, and COM
mands them to her bidding as no
other has done She has exercised a
strange and potent influence in politics,
and has had it in her power to make
and unmake men in public life She is
apparently possessed of a hypnotic
power, whereby she dominates over the
wills Of people who are supposed to
have sufficient f1rmness of character to
be their own masters The life and do
ings of this strange old woman opens a
field 70 the dramatists and romancists
broader, more wonderful and strange
than any with which human beings
true story of the career of Nanny
Pleasant could be written. though
couched in the simplest and most
severe terms and free from any
thing ornate, it would still be
a marvellous tale. But her story
never will be told. There are too many
powerful influences to be affected by
it to fail of its suppression. This old
negress will go to her grave with more
domestic secrets locked in her breast
than any other human being who has
moved in the activities of life in ro-
mantle California But enough is
known of this strange creature, who
turns men and women about her fingers
at viii, to lay the foundation for dramas
and tales before which the most vivid
fancy Of the romancist would pale
The record-union., 1897-09-23
THE HAWAIIAN TREATY.

The Hawaiian Senate has unaai-
mously ratified the annexation treaty,
as was expected, since the negotiations
leading up to it were inaugurated with
the full consent of the Senate The
news is that this official action will now
remove opposition on the part of such
natives as were not favorable to an
nexation, since official action to them
means a great deal.
1t has never been authoritatively es-
tablished that this opposition amount
ed to much. All stories concerning it
have come from white people who op-
pose annexation, and especially from
British residents and the supporters OF
the ex-Queen. A small party did regu-
larly form in July and announce its
antagonism, but there is no news that
any protest or petition against the an
neXation has ever been filed with the
local Government, nor any firm or
strong representations made to it by
protesting natives.
No one looks in such cases as these
for unanimity on the part of any peo-
pie. Always and everywhere there is
opposition to every advance movement.
To the last moment in our own strug-
gle for independence there was a con-
siderable party opposed to peace with
England and to the independence of
the American Colonies.
For twenty years after the Rebellion
there was a very considerable body of
the people of the United States who re-
GREETED the triumph of Union arms and
the death of secession. For the matter
Of that, there are still living groups of
our citizens who speak of the '1ost
cause" as a righteous one.
The record-union., 1897-09-23
4 Real Assignee,s sale

Will be the order of the day. Good
bye old Red House. You served us
we'll in your day But we have found
a better master in the way of dollar
and cents. Many a day we have run
to your sales But we propose to run
faster to this great assignee's sale of
J. w. Lindner, commencing to-day
at 8 o'clock. $1,000 worth of fine mil
IinerV
The record-union., 1897-09-23
Only Two Dozen.

Does the barber on the corner have
a good trader"
Nothing extra I dropped in there
Saturday night and there were only
twenty-four ahead of me. Ohio State
Journal
The record-union., 1897-09-23
Agony.

An old woman groaned. She was
CHASTITY pale.
The youth behind her grinned.
"Bahi" she added.
The youth continued to smoke the
bad cigar. He could afford no better.
Chicago News.
The record-union., 1897-09-23

Mary Yellen Lease has denied Off
cially the statement that she would
go TO the Klondike in the spring. She
says: My platform demands for me a
warmer climate" We had not expect
ed such frankness concerning her fu-
ture state from Mary Yellen.