davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
WIT AND HUMOR.

} They're thick as leaves In Autumn's glow,
Or beams of old Soils taper,
The men who know-Or think they know
The way to run "A paper.
If your buttons are not well sewed on,
don't read this column.
II you are too sanc;imonious to laugh,
don't read this column; it might cause
You TO crack smile.
Ii your liver is out of order, and you
are more or less bilious, dyspeptic and
cranky, better read it clear through.
\ young clergyman was sent to ofliciate
in the place of the regular chaplain one
Sunday at the penitentiary. When he
stood up and faced the usual audience of
toughs and Migrants he began thus "My
friends; 1t rejoiccs my heart TO see so
many of you here this morning."
81 hear your husband is very sick Aunt
Dinah."
Ies'm, very sick"
81 hope his condition isn't critical?"
Critical should say he wuz; he amt
satisfied wild muffin"
"My wife can bear witness" said the
prisoner at the bar, 'that at the time |
am accused Of bnglarizing Mr.. Smiths
premises, | was engaged in walking the
floor with my infant child in my ar".s,
trying to soothe it by singing Rock a-By
Baby" "Tlat's enough" shouted the
judge, she has proved lullaby"
Abraham Lincoln, being a very tall
man, was often the victim OF the rude
and ruthless joker. How long ought a
mans legs to be? some one loosely ask
ed OF him one day. 'Well", replied Mr..
Lincoln, 81 have given this subject good
deal of study and have come to the con-
clusion that if they reach from his body
to the ground they are long enough"
A gushing swain fell in love with an
heircss. In course Of time he made his
proposal in this manner: "Will you-,ah
will you let me-ah be your protector
through life? care you really sure that
"" wv NV VI Npt'I 81 tiii UuI Why
do you ask such question ?" Because,
| was little afraid this was case of pro-
lection for revenue only"
"My good woman said the learned
judge to his witness "you must give an
answer in the iewest possible words to
this plain and simple question: When
you were crossing the street with the baby
on your ann, and the omnibus was COM
ing down on the right side and the cab
on the lef!, and the loaded cart was try
ing to pass the omnibns, can you tell
whether You saw the plaintiff between
the cart and the omnibus, or whether YOU
or when you saw him at all, and whether
or not the cab. the cart or the omnibus,
or either, or any two, and which OF them
respectively, or how was it?" eyes SIR"
replied the thoroughly confused woman,
that's about the way it happened.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

gold instead OF gold and silver. Daring
the campaign the Republican leaders,
who are now denouncing bimetallism,
claimed to be the only true frienls oil
bimetallism, and We expect their next
move will be to adopt the Chicago plat
form, so tar as it relates to the currency
in 1900, and piously claim to be the origi.
majors of the plan.
The provision against reissuing re-
deemed greenbacks, except in exchange
for gold, would not be Objectionable when
coupled with the power of issuing new
ones to meet the demands OF business.
The greenbacks are largely scattered
throughout the country, and only a lin.
tied quantity could be used at one time
by the Wall street spectators for deple.
ting the reserve; but without the pro-
vision for issuing new greenbacks the
scheme would ultimately result in retir-
ing all of them, or Of locking up an equal
amount OF gold.
With both gold and silver as basis for
the greenbacks, and the treasury using
its option Of redemption, the country can
agree with the rest OF the position taken
by these leading papers. The real issue
at present is whether the currency shall
be controlled by the government or by
the banks, if both parties unite on gov
eminent control an alncable settlement
Of the details would not be difficult to
Obtain
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

in the Bignold building, on Main street
next Saturday afternoon and evening.
II. G. Cooper returned last Wednesda,
from British Columbia, where he ha'
been for several months.
Col. James Hamilton Lewis spoke to ;
large and appreciative audience in the
rink last Tuesday evening.
DR.. Nevius, Il former Episcopal mis-
sionary on the Harbor, was the guest o
DR.. and Mrs. Story one day last week.
A social dance was given in Columbia
hall Friday evening. The young people
were out en- masse and jolly good tim G
is reported.
l.. A. Richardson, sentenced to three
years in the penitentiary for perjury, was
taken to Walla Walla by Sheriff Creech
last Monday.
That Montesanc will have shingle
mill is now an assured fact. The neces-
sary bonus has been subscribed by
Montesano's enterprisins citizens, and
work will begin as soon as the high water
subsidies.
Ex.Nightwatchman w. w. Brown be-
came suddenly insane Thursday morn
ing, not recognizing the members OF his
own family. At times he is quite violent,
but it is hoped that with proper treat
ment he will be restored to his right
mind.
The Esther society gave another one of
their enjoyable socials Friday evening AT
the residence OF II. B. Marcy. The
guests were taken by the Funville,
Frolictown and Featherbrain X. X. on q
tour through the United States. and ex-
pressed themselves as highly delighted
with the trip,
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
FROM GRAND FORKS.
Who struck Pattison?

Who struck Pattison?
The Directors have concluded to con-
Time our school.
II. +. Coles is laid up with a severe
attack Of rheumatism.
The upper end OF our suspension bridge
is again in a very shaky condition.
There is not a boat left here at the forks {;
all that were not in use were carried away
by the freshet.
Perry Pennoyer was down from his
clam on the upper Wynooche. lie re-
ports all we'll in that region.
W. B. Wilson's "fre escape" is good
thing, but If the heavy rains continue peo-
pie up here will need water escape.
Rod. Murray is running gang of about
twenty eight men. 1t is a laborious, horse
killing job to get supplies into camp, the
the roads being almost impossible.
The Bulletin Of November 9th, has an
article entitled, Gle Roi in State Politics. -
The editor is evidently much stirred up
over Senator Turner's money and its
power. Why, the poor, innocent lamb
talks OF it rs il it was the first advent OF
money in American politics. He thinks
the republicans OF our state will find in
Mr.. Turner their most dangerous foe.
He, according to the Bulletin man, has
an ambitious desire to own the whole
state. This is really growing serious
What! buy the whole state, Aberdeen
and all? This would surely interfere
with the regular weekly issue OF the Bull
letn, u decided calamity to our state. Al
a remedy, it might be suggested thai
! somewhere in the state OF Ohio resides 6
man named Hanna who is supposed to be
a proficient in the minglrg OF money ant
politics. For the sake OF his reputation
[now fast on the wane,] he might be in
duced to come to the Pacific coast and
try his hand in checkmating Mr. Turner,
in case it is proven that that gentleman
has any desultory designs on the com
monwealth OF Washington.
Prosperity! Don't call her wicked
cruel jade because she will not abide Will
us. She could not certainly stop her,
without macintosh and umbrella tho
lhe former is worn threadbare and tn,
latter is broken, and she is too poor to re
place them with new ones this year, ant
she must conveniently stay in u more &c
NAL atmosphere. II anyone doubts he
absence, let him examine the condilio,
Of our roads and bridges. The great lad
vance wave" SINNERS down to mere rip
pie. The dollar wheat was truly de
lightful song, but it never reached par
and is at discount Of Is per cent today
Tie lumber and shingle trade doomed {
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
COUNTY REAL ESTATE TRANSFERS

The following are the real estate trans
fers for Chehalis county, Wash, for the
week ending Dee. II, 1897, furnished
by d. w. Fleet, manager OF the Grays
llarbor Abstract Co.:
Marem f. Johnson to Mchae f
Reilly, lots %, % and "A, blk 2,
Arland's add Montcsano .....$ 300
U S to John c Williams, sell, sec
1928 NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. Pat
d A Blodgett to John w Blodgett,
undl4 WI, OF nwl4 and VIE of
sw1, sec 24-2l-S . .... |
Same to Edward and Susan b
Lowe, undl4 int in same propy |
WI Patterson to M Stout, wa
| of lot 8, blk 81, Aberdeen ... l
J NJ Stout to trustee Est of | and
Addie G Crowther, VIZ lot 0, blk
81, Aberdeen ............. 800
U S to John +. Bennett lots 0, 10,
-, Is, II, sec l6-1G-S 80. . Pat
Same to Adelia Wellman, sw4 of
nw4, sec 25-20-12 ........ 100
Same to Homer + Wellman, ma
| OF SCI sec l0-19-l2 ..... 200
N Ry Co to w II Jcfeiies, e.,
| CT nelI and sw1 OF nel4 sec IL
1876. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. 420
U S to same, Sc of nwl4 and ne
OF swl4, sec l2-l5-5 .......... Pat
Sheriff to John p Goggln, nla, sec
| 2l-lS-G, and nw4, sec 2l-lS-4.. 2727
Same to Same, Is &C Peter Ander-
son Don cl, Elma 49,. ..... 300
f G Stamper to II Blair, acres in
nwl4 OF nwLi, 35-1S-G. ..... l
Chas II Dodd & Go to Chas II
Dodd Hardware Co, sI of ne4,
sec 27-20-l0 ....... |
Lenora ID McKinstry to J II For
rest, lots l and 2, blk 8, and lots
g, 3 and 10, blk 7, Bay View add
to Westport Observation-Disclosures. $50
CT Karr to Henry Eberting, lots
Is and IA, blk 26, Karr's River
add lIoquiam ................. $50
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

icial Paper Of the City OF Aberdeen.
WHEAT AND THE DOLLAR.

In referring to the cross-cxamination
Mr.. Patlson, the editor of the Cos
|opolis Enterprise, that gentleman says
rough his paper that he prefers to an
yer for himself, and answers the follow.
" question "yes," instead Of "no:"
"When the silver in dollar was worth
lore in the markets Of the world than the
bid in a gol! dollar, would a silver dollar
lrchase more wheat than gold dollar?'
Mr.. Pattison says this question 'relates
Il matter OF fact-not Of opinion-to
hch person claiming to be informed
ms no more right togive an incorrect an
wer than he has to the question "What
the name of the town in which you
eside and continues
ITO this question the HERALD makes us
nswer No."
II that paper can prove that that
nswer is correct we will admit that the
ER&LD is right, and will begin to advo-
ate the free coinage OF silver. Our an
wei would be "Yes"; and in making
tich answer We are supported by the
financial history of the United States,
ghicll is corroborated by the financial
history OF the world for over five hundred
ears.
Mr.. Pattison demands proof OF the
1ERALD's statement. 1t is not matter
rat requires proof, for the reason that
he correctness OF the statement is mat
pr of personal knowledge to hundreds of
,ousands Of men now living. In 1910,
pr instance the lowest price of wheat was
5 cents per bushel, and the highest ST.. 25.
These were coin prices, either gotd or
ilver; and ii the editor Of the Enterprise
heans by his answer OF eyes" that the
old dollar OF that day, which contained
ess Of value than the silver dollar Of that
lay, would not go as far toward the pur-
base OF a bushel OF wheat as a silver dol
pr, then we are done with him: we do
ot argue with fool.
On the other hand il he admits that in
he purchase Of wheat these prices, which
overned at that time were the prices,
neither gold dollars or silver dollars were
aid, as he we'll knows was the case, then
he position OF the HERALD is sustained,
md he will be compelled to begin advo-
Rting the free coinage OF silver, or else
reak his word.
There never has been a time in the his.
Dry OF the United states when the stand
rd gold dollar and the standard silver
ollar were not OH parity, and equal in
Purchasing and debt paying powers re.
Rrdlcss Of the relative values Of the bull
Jon contained in them This fact alone
roves the correctness OF oul position,
md the editor OF the Enterprise, il he
nows anything, knows it to be a fact
ut will he keep his promise and advocate
Tee coinage Of silver? Not so long as the
nbsdy holds good from the other side.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
RETIRE THE BANK NOTES.

The New York Sun, says, retire the
ational bank notes instead OF the green
lacks, and thinks "with bank currency
ut OF the way, that the government
fould have the field to itself, and might
e augmented without risk to meet every
requirement OF business" The Iowa
tate Register, another staunch Republi.
an paper, endorses the position Of the
|un, and adds, "The greenbacks have
(een good friends Of the Republic. There
IAN be no objection to govern ment cur
ency to meet the requirements Of bust
less, il such currency is founded on the
bold basis absolutely, and there is pro-
ision against the depletion OF the gold
eserve as already suggested"
Well! well! What next? The only
substantial difference between the posi-
ion Of these able Republican papers and
hat enunciated by the Chicago platform
$ that the basis of the currency shall be
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

In order to prove the great merit OF
Ely's Cream Balm, the most effective cure
for Catarrh and Cold in Head, we have pre-.
pared generous trial size for 10 cents.
Get it of your druggist or send 10 cents to
ELY BROS, So Warren St., N. Y. City.
suffered from ca!arrh of the worst kind
ever since bog, anl | never hoped fol-
cure, but Elyi Cream balm seems to dc
even that. Many acquaintance have used
it with excellent results. Oscar Ostrum,
As Warren Ave, Chicago, Ill.
Ely's Cream Balm is the acknowledged
cure for catarrh and contains no cocaine,
mercury nor any injurious drug. Price,
6O cents. At druggists or bv mail.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

Don't bolt your food, it initiates your
stomach. Choose digcstibe food and
chew it. Indigestion is a dangerous sick
ness. Proper care prevents it, Shaker
Digestive Cordial cures it. That Is the
long and short of indigestion? Yes, if
You have pain or discomfort after eating,
headache, dizziness, nausea, offensive
breath, heartburn, langour, weakness,
fever, jaundicc, hatulence, loss of appe-
tite, irritablity, constipation, etc. Yes,
you have indigestion. TO cure it. take
Shaker Digestive Cordial. The medicinal
herbs and plants OF which Shaker Diges-
tive cordial is composed, help to digest
the food in your stomach; help to
strengthen your stomach. When your
stomach is strong, care will keep it So
Shaker Digestive Cordial is for sale by
druggists, price 10 cents to $l.O0 per
bottle.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
Fetish For a Stained Floor,

Where the high gloss of a vanished sur
face is considered an objection the floor,
after being stained, may be polished with
beeswax and turpentine. 1t takes some
hard work and plenty of elbow grease to
get anything like n good surface on the
floor, and most domestic polishers are sat-
isfied with what they are pleased to call an
eggshell polish-in other words, very little
polish ut all.
Instead of wax polishing, the compare
lively old fashioned method of oil polish.
ing may be adopted. Linseed oil-raw or
boiled-is rubbed into a floor with n rub
Der and the more rubbing the better for the
look of the Aoox when finished.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
A Copjurer Appears Before the Sultan.

A Copjurer Appears Before the Sultan.
The subjoined amusing anecdote is re-
lated of renowned conjurer. He had
Travelled over almost the whole world,
when he sclght to try his fortune before
the sultan Of Marocco. After having
successfully entertained the powerful
ruler with several clever tricks he deter
mined upon closing the entertainment
with the following wonderful perform
ance. Taking snow white and gray
pigeon, he appeared to cut off the head
Of each and then to place the white head
on the gray pigeon, and the gray head
on the white pigeon, after which they
flew away just as though nothing had
been done to them.
Tho sultan was very enthusiastic about
this performance, and having ordered
two of his eunuchs, a negro and ma
tive, to be brought forward he command
ed the conjurer to cut off both their
heads and exchange them as he had done
in the case of the pigeons. The perform
er was somewhat taken aback ut this
peremptory request, but managed to re-
tain his presence of mind and said
through his interpreter: Pardon, youl
most gracious majesty, my apparatus
today is only arranged for pigeons, and
not for men. require at least Ia days
to prepare for the desired performance. "
"Goodv' replied the sultan, ''the exten.
sion is granted" The conjurer hurried
from tho palace and lost no timo in get.
ling out Of the country.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

1t is easy to catch cold and just as
easy to get rid OF it if You commence
early to use One Minute Cough Cure
1t cures coughs, colds, bronchitis, pneu-
,nonia and all throat and lung troubles.
1t is pleasant to take, safe to use and
ure to cure. Evans Drug Co.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

Forty one millions moe than the APP
preparations for the year ending June 80,
1893 is what Secretary Gage estimates
will be necessary for the fiscal year end
ing June 80, 1899. The Dingley Deficit
Department will have to get a hump on
itself to meet this demlnd.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
A Good ApDetizcr.

Uorseradish is a fine appetizer at this
season. A nice way to prepare it is to take
half a pint of freshly grated horseradish, a
teaspoonful each of sugar and mustard, a
pinch of salt and sufficient good vinegar to
cover well. Stir together, and if the horse
tadish is very strong let it set few days
before using.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

Miss Allie Hughes, Norfolk, Va, was
frightiully burned on the face and neck.
Pain was instantly relieved by DeWitts
Witch Hazel Salvc, which healed the in
jury without leaving scar. 1t is the
amous pile remedy. Evans Drug Co.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
Lemon Jelly For Cake,

To make lemon jelly to put between lay
ers Of cake take 3 ounces Of butter. lem
ons, with grated rind of two, cup of sugar,
mix we'll. Let it come to boil, stirring
constantly; when cold spread between cakes.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

Mothers praise Hoods Sarsaparilla
because, by its great blood enriching quail
tiles, it gives rosy cheeks and vigorous
appetites to pale and puny children.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

| he'd ru,hur tti tew raze chikuns hacht
in indikaytur than tcw tri tew keep the
breth NY liphe in bizniss that koodent
stand on its own merits and place a
frOwnin' wurld.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

Hoops Pills are the favorite family
cathartic and liver medicine. Price 25c.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

l hcv saw q CRATE menny kinds nv
phools, but the phoolst kind Nv phool il
the man hoo smashiz up hiz wotch bee
kawz ct mace him miss the trane
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
EMPLOYMENT BUREAU.

Situations obtained for those desiring
employment, and help furnished to
millmen, loggers, housekeepers ard
others. EDWARD LyCAN.
AT Free Reading Room, Aberdeen.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

| don't keer kob pipe hoo struk Billee
Patturson err hoo killd Kok Robbun, but
I'd give heep few kno hoo IL eddvtur
Nv the Abburdeen Herruld.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

1t il ecziur tew git Il job b; wairin' out
a littul shu lethur huntin' it than it liz bi
wairin' ont the sect Nv yure pants waitin'
fur it tew kun round.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

l hey alwaze notist that the youzhal
reformur goes Il long waze from hum tew
kommense hiZ wurk.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16

The man hoo takes tew grumblin' fur
livn' will nevur hev tew kloze up shop
fur want NV biZniss.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1897-12-16
SAGE LEEVS.

Ri j.. Billings Sage, suksessur tew Josh Bill
lings dceseest.
Yew will phind moar sencc in sum NV
mi nonsence than in hull kollums NV wot
sum foaX kali sence.
The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1897-07-16
Central Luther League Meeting.

The Central Luther League of New
berry County held its third quarterly
meeting of 1897 in Grace church, Pros
perity, July 9Th. The exercises were
opened with devotional exercises by
tho president, J. |. Bedcnbaugh.
The following delegates wore pres
cnt: Grace church-Anna Fulmcr, Min
mic Lee Bowers, Kenneth Baker, Wal
ton Wheeler: st. Luke e's-lissie Moore,
Eunice Conwill, John Dominick, G.. f..
Hunter, ". j. Hunter; Luther Chapel
Gussie Kiblcr, Lizzie Domlnick, Cora
DominiclS, w. B. Aull; ST. Philips
Freddie Banks, Grace Kinard, T.. Nj .
Shccly, G.. T.. Shccly.
Misses Annie Belle Wise and Erin
Kohn Of Grace church rccitcd: Mrs.
Edmund Shcaly of ST. Philips read Il
selection.
President Geo. b. Cromcr, Professors
e. O. Counts, T.. B. Settler, S. j. Der
rick and Rev. a. G. kirkpatrick were
invited to take part in the discussions.
"Should we have II Luther League
Messrs. Kenneth Baker, y. G. Wise,
Rows. Drs. j, b. Fox and S. II. Hall
man, Prof Sctzlcr, Rcv. Geo. S. Bear
den, Prof. Counts. 1t was agreed that
Il reading course is greatly to be desired
and it was suggested that the course be
of such nature as will serve to indoc-
trinatc the members Of the League in
Luthcranism.
A committee consisting of one mem
bcr from each Of the local leagues repre-
scntcd was appointed to make an inves-
tigation in regard to the reading course
and report at the next meeting of the
Central League.
Committcc-Rcv. Geo. S. Bcardcn.
[ nj 10
Chapel, Mrs. Edmund Shccly, St. Phil
ip's, Miss Lillian Luther, Grace church.
At the conclusion Of tho discussion,
the meeting adjourned to enjoy de-
lightful picnic dinner served on the
church grounds.
In the afternoon the discussion was
upon the subject. "Is there any danger
of the social feature of the League
countcracting some Of its good cifccts?"
participated in by Messrs. a. E. p.
IScdcnbauSh, w. b. Aull, Rev. j. D..
l3owles, DR.. Hallman, Prof. Sctzler,
President Cromcr, Rev II. u. Counts
This subject was the same in substance
as one discussed in the May meeting
1t was agreed that the social feature Of
the League is not to be deprecated but
encouraged.
The discussions at this meeting wore
the fullest the League has ever had
This can be accounted for by the fact
that there was fuller attendance of
pastors and professors than at any pre-
vious meeting. 1t is to be regretted
that SO many who were "bookcd" to
take part in the exercises were not
present.
a vote Of thanks was rendered the
congregation of Grace church for their
hOSpitablC entertainment.
Notwithstanding the heat, the day
passed Off pleasantly indeed.
The next meeting will be held at St.
Lukc'S church some time in October.