The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1897-08-31
THE WAR WITH SPAIN
1T WAS A COLLEGE WAR AS BOB
sURDETTE SAW 1T.

Awful Havoc of the College YeIls-The
Death of Colonel Mary YelIin Lease.
Suddenly the cloud burst. Spain and
the United States were at war, almost
without knowing how or why and with
out the formality Of declaration of hos
tilities. The telegram that flashed under
the translucent waves of the restless sea
brought to our shores the clash of this ter
rible pea green announcements:
"Hostilities begun at Cadiz. The stu
dents are parading the streets shouting,
Down with the Yankeesl' The police are
powerless to stop the procession"
Instantly the president, without wait
ing to bring the cabinet together, issued
call to arms, and before the worshiping
relic hunter had time to secure the type
writer with which it had been written
thousands of patriotic young Americans
responded to the appeal. 1t was impossi-
BILE to drill the regular army to the modern
system of warfare on such short notice.
but thanks to the widespread interest in
interacademic athletics, fostered by our
wisest educators, the colleges were ready
for such maneuvers as were new and
strange to the old school of fighting men.
From every college in the republic came
the battlecry:
"Swear US inI Every last gasp of our
lungs belongs to our oountryl Our facul-
ties lives, our fathers fortunes and our
sacred yells are hers"
"We are savedP' exclaimed the presi-
dent and putting cotton in his ears he
went out with the secretary of war, armed
only with a megaphone, to listen to the
warcries of the fighting patriots. Ear
long the clash of resounding arms came in
one wild tumult to their close armored
ears. Down Pennsylvania avenue, scarce
1000 miles away from the doomed hosts of
Il
of the intermediate School of Technical
Phonation, volleying forth their death
dealing yells:
Rah, roo, ray
Ray, rah, roo
Balla ma zoop, kalla ma whoop-
Who-are-youP
I-S-TP-z-s-z-zti
Swiftly the news was flashed across the
con tinent. Bonfires were lighted, tho ear
drums were beat. All the arsenals were
set to work on double time under the di-
rection of the professors of fulminatory
yellocution in the tide water universities,
manufacturing new rapid firing war
whoops for the students, upon whose brave
lungs it was painfully evident would fall
the brunt of battle. The dogs of war were
not only loosed, but, worse still, they were
unmuzzled. The Peace society took down
it's sign, put up its shutters and discharged
the Office boy. Contracts were let by the
war department. for the manufacture of
100, 900 short range tin horns for field bat
teries and 90, 900 long range, muzzle load
ing siege horns, besides several thousand
barrels of matutinal and postprandial
horns for the colonies, which would make
a great deal of noise after they were put
down. Never in all the history of carnage
had there been made such extensive prep
arations for n terrible, blood curdling hub
bub.
At the beginning of the war Spain had
a decided advantage. Her young king,
being an infant, was an active yeller him
self, and was looked upon and listened to
as the natural leader of the Spanish armies
in the field. The second decisive battle of
the war resulted disastrously for the Amer
loans. 1t was fought exclusively by Span
ish students of the University of Valla
dolid. The action was a complete surprise
to the Americans, who were not present
at any time during the engagement, It
began early in the morning, and by break
fast time the startled air was heavy with
the sullen detonations of the loud sounding
garlic At p. ~. the war department at
Washington received the following message
from our minister at Madrid:
"AI ia lost except the latest arctic ex-
petition, which will be discovered and
rescued when the next excursion steamer
sails north with q Sunday school picnic
The students of the University of Seville
are shouting something in Spanish which
my interpreter cannot translate. Send me
Talkendorf's Spanish In Six Lessons
fear the wiener worst.
Call out the reserves - calmly ordered
the president, maintaining his composure
even in that awful din. 1t was done, and
as the en- battled students passed before the
reviewing stand the warriors took off their
nose guards and yelled:
Ala ba zaml coola ma hami
Hoop 'er upl scoop FER upi
Ram-bam-slaml
Whoofl
The carnage was terribles Long before
the procession could be put to bed by its
natural guardians there was not a syllable
of Spanish to be heard on the streets.
But the Spanish recovered from this de-
feat very quickly. Two days later the vo-
cabularious battle of San Jose del Miguel
don Albuquerque Tobasco A lfonso del Rio
de Mocha was fought to finish in the
streets of Madrid by the largest body of
students yet assembled under arms. They
fought with utter recklessness of wind
and limb Purchasing an American flag,
they deliberately burned it in the street at
the very entrance to a Wild West show
We have not yet reached the limit of our
resources" remarked the president when
the list of casualties was handed to him.
A well known senator was ordered to the
front at once, with a speech nine days
long, to check and, if possible. to paraIyze
the Spanish advance.
The Spanish followed up their victory
in Madrid by attacking their own police
in Valencia on the festival of st. Hidal-
COS ell Pequino Nino la Reata ell Legarta
los Calabasas la Salida. The battle was
not fought to a very decided finish, the
students being repulsed in several attempts
to form a procession, but the police, on
the other hand, were so harassed that they
got scarcely . wink of sleep all that night,
and the advantage was therefore with the
students, who claimed the victory. AS
soon as news of this action was received.
the president called out the students of
CornyeIl, who chased three policemen off
the campus and blew horns all the rest of