Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-12-16

IOmmy-"PhW, WHY 10 tncy Sdh -
single woman spinster? Mr.. Figg-I
guess it's because OF her ability to turn
mems heads.-Indianapolis Journal.
Medium-The spirit of your wife Is
here, and says she never dreamed of
such happiness since you two parted.
The Man-Tell her feel the same way.
Wheeler see they have been trying
bicycle ambulances. Walker-I thought
these seorchers would make something
of the kind ecessary.-Cincinnati En-
Guirer.
Suburbs-I am not at all good enough
for you, dear. Miss Boston-Pm glad
you confess 1t before we were married.
You're not the fellow for me.-Boston
Courier.
II often experience shock Of dlsap-
pointment when get up close to some
apparently beautiful woman" prob
ably they feel the same way about
you."-Chicago Record.
Hungry Higgins-As fur eight hours
being enough for days work
Weary Watkins-It amt. Any man
who'll do days work Orter git six
months.-Indianapol Journal.
Julia had her husbands photograph
taken with his head stuck in news
PAPER" ''Why did she do thatT "She
said that was the way he always look
cd to her when he was at home"
Heidi you tell your father that
would kill myself If I couldn't have
you? She-Yes. He-What did he sayf
She-He said that Settled it. You
couldn't have me.-Chlcago News.
Jack-Where's Bill now? Jill-Out
West. what doing?' Raising
ralms." Doing what?" Raising
palms-making the tenderfeet throw up
their hands."-Yonkers Statesman.
History repeats ITSELF" said the man
who is full of wise saws. Il know 1t
does" replied his morose friend.
That's why I'm beginning to kind Of
lose interest In base ball."-Washing-
ton Star.
Sad about the Duzenstickers."
whats the matterg They've lived
together fifteen years, and they never
had a quarrel until lately, when they
bought bicycles Of different Makes
Chicago Record.
what in the world is Smithers build
ing on the lot next door, "a cold stor-
age house." ITO keep his meats and
groceries from spelling" mo; to keep
his daily supply of ice from melting
away."-Cincinnati Tribune.
Marriage" said the puffy man,
made me what am to-day. Marriage
is the mighty engine of civilization"
''Then," remarked McCorker, you are
not self but machine made, suppose"
Philadelphia North American.
Thought you said Frank and George
agreed in politics?' 80 they do"
"Well, they argue over it every time
they meet" That's because they don't
know what 1t is they agree on."-New
York Sun.
City Man-This must be very
healthy place, judging from the num-
Der of old people have seen here! Ma
tive-Healthy? It's so blamed healthy
that guess good many Of 'em will
have to be shot on the judgment day
Puck.
"Women are naturally incredulous,"
remarked the whist player. That's
contrary to the common impression"
Il don't care; it's true. You never can
make one believe you the first time
you tell her what are trumps. Wash
:ngton Star.
Wheeler-Have you learned to make
the repairs on your wheel yet? Sprock
No; never shall either. l haven't
bit of mechanical genius. "Oh, yes,
you have" Indeed haven't. I could
natl Enquirer.
Mrs. Wickwire-Don't you ever make
even the slightest attempt at manual
labor? Dismal Dawson-Mum, am
Twin the way l am ION a bet. 1 got a
wager Of $4,000 up that 1 kin live
eighty years without workin'.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
First Thespian-When was playing
Hamlet in Omaha and getting my fifty
a night, L Second Thespian-Hold
on there, Jack! make that five. First
Thespian-No, Tom, 'pon me honor,
fifty a night regular. Eggs are cheap
out there.-Harper's Weekly.
"It's three-quafters of an hour since
1 ordered that turtle SOUP" snapped
the angry guest at the restaurant. Eyes,
sah," said the waiter, with an obse-
Ouious bow, "but de turtle done make
his 'scape, sab, an dey had to chase
him bout a mile, sah."-Detroit Free
Press.
Never touched him: 'Tt looks like
rain to-day" said the affable milkman,
as he dumped the regular quart into
the pitcher. 1T always does" said the
woman, and the milkman drove of
wondering why some people take such
gloomy views of everything.-Detroi
Free Press.
mo, sir" said the Kansas editor,
"your services are no longer required"
"May 1 venture to ask why I'm dis
charged" You're too blamed funny.
| That style may do in the blase and
i heartless East, but when you refer to
a death in n cyclone as a terrible blow
to the family, you oversio Il out here
Detroit News.
"What In the worlds the matter.
mar asked Arabella, as her mother
turned from the telephone and asked