davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

wouldn't have believed if. and l told him
so.
why, that's not bad" he said. "Just
come in for hiie and listen to the things
that are said and watch what is done"
There are not many experiences in the
line of 'q1eer things" that newspaper
writers do not have chance of observ-
ing. l had often fancied that the
man who sold tickets at a thea,er must Of
nece ~sity possess more patience. polite
ness and policy han one could measure.
Human nature in all its pecularities
and variegations, its weaknesses and stu
pid:ties, seems 10 manifest itself most
particularly at a theater. Perhaps il is
because the play touches chord in man
or woman which nothing else ever
reaches that you hear such strange and
:anciiul remarks from the young couple
behind you or The man at your side.
So climbed upon a high stool behind
the s1nilin: ticket-selIer for the Bald viii.
Thca'er and waited, but not Tor long. A
young lady, with one OF those face which
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24
WRECKAGE.
BY HOWARD V. SUTHERL AND.

1t is rapidly becoming necessary for US
to esta abish for our own protection a
secret society of American assassins.
This society will have for it's chief duty
the dispatching to some other sphere of
all notorious persons kept before the gaze
of the public by journals OF the yellow
class. Its Incorporation will be sane
toned by the Federal au .horities-the
State authorities not counting for any,
thing these days-and complete i'm munity
will be guaranteed its members for any
removals they may see fit to make. Itis
not intended that the organization shall
interfere with the Government in any
way or dispatch the mum erous murd erers
who luxuriate in our penitentiaries The
recipients OF hero worship alone vii be
its legitimate prey. That delicate speci-
men OF young womannood, Miss Evange.
lima Cisneros, for instance, would come
under this heading. Likewise actresses
who are divorced and remarked more
than the customary four times; operate
singers and otner professionals who give
more than fifteen fareweus; poetesses OF
passion and beardless disciples of Stephen
Crane; British lecturers. Lueigerts, Pro-
lessor Andres, Nanny Pleasan,s, Mrs.
Cravens, etc.
The socie Y will have branches in every
city throughout the United States and
anybody under the age OF 90 will be ad-
misslble TO mem mbership. People over
that age are likely to become nine-day
wonders themselves aud are therefore
subject to assassination. Removals"
will be effected upon demand of any one
member and no discussion will be per-
mitted until after the deed is done. In
its general workings the society will be
governed by the rules and regulations of
the Mafil,
This scheme is submitted to all thought
full persons who have the welfare of their
country at heart. Unless something is
speedily done to diminish the number OF
freaks made notorious through the daily
papers we shall evolve into a nation OF
drooling and drivelng idiots. Our sole
salvation lies in the Society of American
Assassins.
For her own sake l am glad 10 see that
Evangelina. or Vangy, as We shall soon
come TO call her, is a good girl and given
| to praying when the eyes of The Bowery
are concentrated upon her. A prayer is
always prayer, whether it escape from a
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

Then" said, with my hand on the
doorknob, "you believe that the Old Peo-
pies Home is a very charming place, pro-
vided one is financially indep ependent?
yes, 1 do" she answered with con-
round, sweet face.
do, too. But what place Isn't?
Then 1 went to see woman who has
left the Old Peoples Home. She spoke
very frankly.
II know they're afraid TO speak up
there. she said. in her brd-lke way,
"and naturally. Af,er some of the old peo-
ple had signed petition for change in
the board, the matron SAID harshiy TO
taem: The board has said that all those
who signed that petition must work In
the Kitchen
Her manner is dreadful. She burst
into g room where l was visiting without
knocking at the door.
How dare you give orders to tt
nurse?' she said to me.
''She actually doubled her fist at me q
she spoke" The little old refugee has
wavy white hair that looks almost blonde
If the light isn't very good. She put
out tiny fist now in illustration.
Il told her hadn't given any orders. l
had asked the nurse to please give the old
lady l was visiting--she's nearly S0-a
good dinner that day. For the day be-
FORE went on the mild little voice, 1.-The
nurse wouldn't give her two bowls of
mush. and mush is all the poor soul could
eat. And-wasn't it dreadfu ?-.he day
kofore no mr. had tO yiUa her
her tea. So the old lady had had nothing
10 eat from 1 o'clock one afternoon till
breakfast time the next morning.
The home itself is so pretty, but l
couldn't stay there. My husband was dy-
ing when we were there, and we had 10 be
dieied. He did not get the right food at
all. And when the matron found fault
with me she went downstairs where he
was lying very, very i'll (he's dead now).
and sco!ded at him; told him she was going
to turn US both out. When l got there he
was crying But we weren't put out,
! she added with gentle dignity. II said
to him: Dear, we'll go-well leave
And he said he couldn't die content and
leave me there.
$50 We paid the home for tine time we
had been there and drew our $1,000 and
left. We were fortunate that we hadn't
gned the papers vet.
why, the meat there is dreadful. The
Chinaman boils it-they will you know,
If they're not watched" size said IN a
housekeepery way, 40 get all the fat out,
and then he bakes it and serves it. The
sick that should get good nutritious steaks
get little burned, tough pieces OF meat
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

He handed her two tickets, pointing G
out on the diagram where they were.
"Whyr' she cried instantly, "they'r,
right IN front OF that post"'
"Yes, madam. And being in front, Of
view of the stage"
very best you have2"
Eyes, madam"
The young LAZY gazed at the tickets alb
stractedly for moment, then, opening
her purse, asked how much they were.
1.-TWO dollars, madam"
Two dollars! Why, thought you said
you had reduced p ices ut matinees."
THE price for these seats for the even
ing performance is 81 so each, madam"
"Why, l never heard of such a thing
I'm sure never paid that much in Phila-
delphia."
This is theI price at this theater,
madam"
"I' m sure you must be mistaken. I've
bought lots of tick.ts for matinees. and l
never paid as much as that. Don't You
think you're mistaken"
II n quite sure that I'm not, madam"
"Well, l think It's an imposition to
charge so mnch," she said. Then taking
tend ollar bill from her purse and push.
ing it over, she added: Now, please
don't give me any silver"
When she had got her tickets ana
change the ,lcSet-seller turned once more
well, / was beginning to think" he
said, ''that l wasn't going to do any busi-
ness with her to-day. Sometimes the
suspense is awful"
Oace more he was interrupted. The
young lady had returned for something.
and now she had young lady friend with
her.
'Ol," rshe Exclaimed sweetiy, ''wonld
you mind taking these tickets back?
have just met my friend turning the cor
ner, and l find that some body has given
her tickets for this afternoon. So, of
course, will go with her. l should be
very much Obliged"
Hello, Louis" remarked a dapper
young fellow. apparently on easy terms
with him self. ''is it true that Frank Nc
Giynn, our ex-iawyer. is a member of the
Under the Red Role Compsny?'
When answered in the affirmative, he
said:
What sort OF a part does he play, has
he many lines to speak2"
'Mr. McGlynn plays the part of dunn
servant-has no lines ut all 10 SPEAK,
NV all Nothing to say?'
Nothing at ALL replied Mr.. Morgen-
stern.
"Weil that takes first premium. 1t is
the first instance L have ever heard of q
lawyer who has nothing to sayp' And he
Ia ia "A dnyu a handful of cash and rema rEad
laughngly, that he intended bringing all
his friends 10 see the wonder.
Mr.. Morgenstern toll me few stories,
too, which must go ove- his signature.
/ couldn't be responsible for them.
A man whose general makeup sug-
gested Dawson City in ev.ry particular,
and with iypical 40 Swagger once rolled
up to The box-otfice. He was trifie the
worse for liquor, and his conversation
fairly brlstled with mining terms. al
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

she said primly. I'VE don't like 10 be
treated lik. conyicts. We've done nothing
but be poor. Many OF us have paid the
$1,000 entrance charge; many pay from
$50 to $40 a month for board. Some have
paid nothing; some have paid $500. $500
what they or their friends could. 1t isn't
fitting that the superintends snt should saw
in our hearing, If they don't close the
doors after them I'll put in a spring to
eaten their heels and TO threaten an old
man almost blind to give him what be
deserved
land what is that?' he was asked.
"'A ,hrashing,' said the superintendent
"You see the spirits all wrong. This
SUPERINTENDENT thinks the home was bull t
to provide him with a position. He's
making a lot of abominable little rules
like net TO catch us in. He's martinez,
im erious aud unjust. We don't need so
many rules. Why, most of US have had
hard times enough to make US serious and
easily managed. Do you know, one of
the ladies was playing the piano on Sum
day, and he declared she. should not
play any more because she played horn
piTes! !"
"Oh shockingl" I said. "The wicked
creatureP
But she didn't, l assure you," the lit
tie old lady fastened to say. "They were
fugues, you know, quite proper church
music. upon mysword. 1 hope you won't
think she played hornpipes"
l won't. It's such terrible charge
that l hesitate to believe that any on e.
more especially an old woman of 20, could
ba guilty of it.
1--WE worked hard all my life. For
thirty years before | came to the home l
supported myself said another Old
woman TO me. She was well dressed, in
black. with a small well-m ade bonnet on
her dark hair, which is fast growing gray.
You know when woman earns her liv-
ing she meets some hard people and hard
times. But l was never treated in all the
lime | worked as l am now. There are
women In the home who are not accus-
toned TO hard treatment, refined. we'll.
educated women. l know of one lady
the wife OF q former professor at Berkeley.
Her son came 10 visit her and she asked
him to dinner. Oh course she expected to
pay extra for him. His c1at was faded
rom tne sun. DuJ mes Eenlie-
man. DO you know the superintendent
wouldn't allow him TO eat at the table
And his old mother-oh, it almost broke
her heartl She couldn't eat her dinner
either, but told her son that there wasn' t
room at the table for him. Sue wouldn't t
hurt him by telling him the real reason.
Il know of very sad case of woman
who died at the home. The visiting ply
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

sician was out OF town, and she asked that
one of the inmates, who is a doctor, he al
lowed to attend her. bnt the superintend-
ent would not permit it. She died. And
she never had any medical attendance"
II have beard" l said, THAT this su-
perintenden: ana his wifi, are excellent
managers, economical and business-IiKe.
There's an economy that amounts to
parsimony," she returned. This place
was intended for something bettr than a
poorhouse. You know, Mrs. Crucker said
so kindly, l think-It is to be a home
for old people who haven't been a, tor-
tunate as l.
IAN old man. feeble, sick an ordained
minister, was turned out of here few
weeks ago because he com planned of the
food. He could get no nourish ment out
of it. Don't think" she said, putting out
a thin, wrin kled hand, ''that we are fault
find ing-that we want rich food and that.
We're old. We can't eat rich food. It
ism good for US. But old people ought to
have sim pie, well-cooked meals. And they
should not be brow beaten and lnsulted.
II hope you'll see others OF the ladies'.
They'll tell you Pm speaking the truth"
The last woman l visited at the home
was one whose praises ! had heard sung
all over the house. And when l had seen
her sweet, old lace and listened to her
gentle, PLACID voice l could easily under
stand why they all love her.
She wouldn't listen when 1 began 10 re-
peat the praises had heard of her grace
full, patient charity and kindness 20 the
sick ana well.
"Oh, who wouldn't help sick old per-
son ?' she said, her delica ce flush
ing family. ANY one would have done
what l did. / pity the sick here. They
need such care, aud they do not get what
they should have" she said. choosing her
words with canton that she might wrong
no one. And lily those who have not
paid their $1,000. For it is made known 10
every one in the house and they suffer il
they are proud. 1t is for their sakes that
/ would make no trouble. They will be
punished if it is thought that they are com.
planning. They will be sent away.
am one of the fortunate ones" she said.
her kind eyes beaming contentedly ovar
her gold med spectacles. "If l am i'll
can afford 10 send out and buy what
want, and l hire nurse from the out
SIDE. Whenever the food is too coarse OIL
too heavy 1 can send out and buy the little
things | like and can eat-egg. you
know, and easily digested food. B 1t
Crieve Tor those who are not situated as
am. My little room is my castle. l can
get what 1 need. do not fear neglect
when l am sick; but my heart aches for
the Others"
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

bacon, nor sausage and gridde cakes, nor
Goldfish, nor cornoeef and cabbage-that's
our menu" said the white haired cir! OF
20. with twinkle in her sharp gray eyes.
But the sick do not get such food p
| said.
Yes, they do. Oh, that's what fear
to get sick. The food is the same for the
sick as for the we'll here. 1 have friends
who hav. promised TO see that I'm taken
care of. but L pity those who have no
friends. A lady across the street used to
send in things 10 one of the men who died
here, and he reli.hed them so'
ITS the spirit of the thing" said
her companion. Now. you know, We
call the front door the holy DOOR Those
stairs in front are the holy stairs The
superintendent is the Grand Mogul,' the
Gar 'Uriah Heep' and 'Pecksniff' and
anything else we can think of that's
ypccritical and overbearing," explained
the venerable little wag. I'VE are not
permitted to use the front entrance. Whv
not? Because the mans all for appear
ances. He doesn't think of our comfort,
but TO the show things make. For two
years The library was turned into a
chapel (although there is a chapel), and
we sat out in the hall Too much religion,
really. Donty think so? 1t was cold
out in the hall in winter and we used 10
gather around a poor old gentleman who
had rheumatism m 10 keep the draught from
him. The board OF lady managers has
given US the use of the Ii
brary again, but everything we
do is sinful to this Puritan. He refused to
hermit one old Iadvis truDk 10 he carried
down the stairs on Sunday morning when
she was to leave town. And her ticket
was already bought. you know, and she
had to 20 on the mornings train. So one
of the inmates nc lped her to carry it down.
If we play cards in the evening-cards the
managers have sent us--the matron comes
up aDi says, You'd d o better TO read your
Bib.c than TO play cards' II we laugh or
talk in the hall we are Told sternly to
observe rule 19 Why, imagine old pc.
pie like us-there isn't strength enough
left in us 10 be boIsterous."
And imagine people 20 years old who are
finishing up a life at home" find ng
anything in this world to laugh at!
You see,' went en- the miniature rebel,
(she had such neat little figure and she
held herself so straiGhu-"you see, the
present superintendent would make a
20 I'd head for an institution for incor-
rig BILE boys-some penal institution, you
know. But we're not depraved alto
gether." she laughed. Were onlv a lot
OF inoffen nsiye OLD folks-a iittle fussy, per-
haps, but and all the smiling good
humor left her quaint old face-''we have
been well-bred, some of us-most OF us
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

ces day can make up Tor un- Christian
acts. The superintendent is minister, u
Methodist minister. In a non-sectariAn
place like this where there are all denomi-
nations OF all religions, the superin tend
ent should not be minister. Clergymen
OF different denominations would come
here on different Sundays TO preach.
Then those who wished could attend"
Don't you attend the chapel se:vices?"
asked.
No; do not"
But rule says: Every inmate, ex-
cept IN case OF sickness, is expected to at
lend family prayer, chapel services and
TO be present at all of the religious exer-
cIses of the home, unless excused by
-pecial permission
"Yes. But that rule is not enforced.
Such rule cannot be enforced in the
United States. Where's religious freedom
then? OF course, one who does not attend
chapel cannot expect to be a favorite with
the man at the head. know that. But
do not respect the superintendent, and l
cannot conscientiously attend services
over which such man presides."
l happened to meet two old ladies sit
ting together in one of the rooms The
1ne who looked young, compa ratively, |
discovered was nearly 70 years old. The
one who LOOKED very old spoke of her
companion as a dear old lady" But
Whsn began to speak to them about the
rerort OF dissatisfaction at the home the
Inference in their ages was evident. The
one whom | had though: the younger be
gan to tTemble Tae one whose hair was
quite white encouraged and comforted the
other.
81 nj so afraid" said the elder woman.
III We say anything we are told to leave.
If you don't like it, you can 60, Mrs.
Mckeivey says. Now, where can go? /
am al, alone in this country. | have no
relations in the world. My friends pro-
vide my clothes ana l have paid my $1,000
10 the home. Now, l have nowhere TO
90. What would do" she went on, her
! agitation increasing. elf L should be put
! out into the strects?"
She's very timid," explained her
white-hared junior. patronizngiy, land
they have threatened her. 1t worries her.
She can't sleep. You know how Old reo-
PIE lie awake and worry"
The trou 0eis, the other woman began
again. that the matron is not a coed
Lousekeeper. She DOES not oyersee the
Chinaman in the kitchen, and he cooks
wha; he likes and how he likes. Things
are not well cooked and old PEOPLE, YOU
know, must hay, nourishing things. Not
rich food not things that are expensive,
but simple things we'll"
Not pork and beans, eh? nor liver and
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

THAT is the first circle above the par
quet."
sis there an elevatorP'
mo, madam; short fl ght of stairs
How high is it from tue parquet?'
"About twelve feet"
Her friend. who was becoming impa-
tent, hastily explained that they had
both sat in the balcony one night. aud to
recall it 10 her mind mentioned that a
man had had 4 tit.
A look of horror slowly oversp-ead her
face
''Do people hav, fits in the balcony ?''
she asked.
The fe tive MorGenstern reioined: "No,
madam; we put all people who have fits
on the ground floor near the door"
How much will two seats be?"
1.-TWO dollarsp
II guess Pll take them" she said, be.
ginning TO gather up the bundles. Then
she took her purse and counted ont one
dollar and eighty cents in small change.
"How much did you say?' she asked.
Two dollars" he said patiently.
"Oh!" she said sadly. "Tli have to break
that tive-doIlar n ote. wanted to keen il. ~
She slowly gatnerel up her bundles and
her change and passed out to the accom-
paniment of numerous signs of relief.
Twelve waiting" said Mr.. Morgenstern.
and L nj sure he sighed.
ut might be humorous, you know. il
you didn't get so red of all the thought
lessness that people show" he went on
after the twelve had been s1mmariIy dis.
poed OF. But l usually get strength 20
endure when l see them"
Don't they take you by surprise?'
20 ne gets used 10 it and can nearly al.
WAYS tell when person means busines,
or not. The queer oles always show IL
alihou,h some very sensible people ask
very stu id questions when at box office
window"
Just then young lady stepped UT
briskly and wanted to know if he had any
tickets for the matinee. She was in
formed that ne had. "You have reduced
prices for the matinee 2" she added.
"Yes, madam"
please give me two in the parqnet?"
When she got them she asked: Are
these in the center aisle?'
mo, madam; all the seats In the center
aisle are sold"
"Then give me two on the side aisle
please"
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

cathedral by the fue or from hack by
the open window, and it is customary to
clothe the prayes with an innocence that
may not always be appro opriate but is ever
OF artistic value. | fear, however, that
81. Peter will not draw his Quill through
her little Cuban schemings merely be-
cause she played the part of a RELIGIOUS
lngenue in New York. Neither will in
telltgeut Americans think the more of her
for becoming a citizen at the request of
some starvel1ng spacewriter and ba abbling
in bastard Spanish about a country of
which, before her plottings made things
too warm for her in Cuba, she had prob
ably never heard. The whole incident
has filled thoughtful people with dis
gust that is beyond expression. The
sooner we get over this habit of worship
ing these outcasts OF the Old World, and
home made frauds in general, the sooner
we shall have right to respect ourselves
as nation.
In spite of the fact that Xaver Schar-
wenka wears his hair the regulation
length, except where for ornamental pur-
poses bald spot is inserted, his panistic
gam bolings were almost as wonderful! as
those OF his shaggy Polish rival This
seems to prove conclusivey that an air
can be hammered out without hair, ard
the numerous inventors OF tonics and
washes must dispose OF their wares else
where than in musical circles. Ny bar
Der, who comes from Bagdac, and wao
tells me his ancestors are mentioned in
the Arabian Nights" once told me- con-
fdentially that no real musician would
think OF going unknown for longer than
ten weeks at spell. H. said that the
soul OF true artist would revolt at the
tho ught of defrauding fellow ar tist out
of his rightful wage, ano that the poet
who wore unreasonable whiskers had as
m uch love for mankind as the man in the
moon. Paderewskl appears TO have been
Won over TO the brotherhood of man idea
as preached by my barber, but the Poet
of the Skyeras IS still holding aloof.
When hunger drives him homeward, l
shall put my Bagdadi hair cutter on
his track and have him converted to
Christianity.
l consider it my duty TO call the atten-
tton OF the authorities to the fact that at
the last meeting of the California Dairy
Association paper was read by mem
ber on THE Mechanical Cleansing of
Milk" The author is not yet under ar
rest. 1t may be claimed that our milk is
thoroughly purified with fresh water by
the miikmen handling it and that any
further efforts in that direction must be
futile. This may be SO. but it is certainly
improper TO permit person like the
author OF this paper to continue at large
and undermine the very welfare of the
community. Until he learns that milk is
one OF the few things that is not inn
proved by washing he should firmly but
gently be separated from his fellow men.
A dogs bark may often be worse than
its bite. but a mosquitoes bite is always
worse than It's buzz. A man was bitten
the other day by one OF these musical in
sects, and the immediate result was that
his wife exchanged his life insurance poll
ciss for the snug sum of $50 900. t fact
that she was a widow may have Helped the
court TO decide in her favor, but the mos
quito had no little right to be stuck on
itseltJ
The San Francisco call., 1897-10-24

The funniest things happened this
morning" said the gentleman in the box
office, smiling in an unusually apprecia-
tive manner when the seats were on sale
for Under the Re Robe
d light in funny" things, though
can't be humorous myself. so prepared
10 stem interestedy.
why" he sail, when / came up this
morning an old fellow, apparently from
the country, aud a young woman sat on
the steps just here IN front I-opened the
1wlndow and sold tickets md glanced down
\how and then, and still they waited. After
AEhile went out and asked if they were
waiting for any one.
"'We're waitin' TO get some tickets.
said the old fellow, looking up pleasipgly.
. 1.-The box-office is open, said. turning
Do go back.
81 know; but don't want boz he
replied, turning away again. We just
want plain seats"
II Mr.. MorGenstern hadn't told it really