Chicago eagle., 1897-08-14
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the house?' Wife-".rhe cook says
there is not enough china to last the
week out.'-1.ifc.
Literal: The Rescuer-"IIow did you
come to fall iu?" The Rescued-"1
didn't come to fall in: came to fish,
Aarper's Weekly.
He-"would you scream IL I should
kiss your She-"And II l were to
allow you to. would you squealT'-1n-
dianapolis Journal.
Bertba--"what is the height Of your
ambition. DEAR" Marie (blushing)--
'Oh. something between five aud q half
md six feet."-Fun.
Mrs. Church-"Did you ever catch
your husband flirtingT Mrs. Gotham
That's the way did catch him.
Yonkers Statesman.
Mr.. Crinisonbeak-"What type Of girl
would you call that one with bloom.
ers?" Mrs. Crimsonbcak-"A bold face
type."-Yonkers Statesman.
Mr.. Buffum-"ls II a fact that YOU
can neither read nor writer" llliterate
Don't know. Never tried to do
VtthNis Do>tOu
He-"Do you think women are the
equals of men?' Shc--"Yes: but
don't think men are the equals Of wo-
men."-Columbus state Journal.
Capital. you know. Is universally
timid." How queer! thought 1t was
the man without money who was
shy. Typographical Journal.
HAS the objectionable sin ever been
discovered?' Yes: IL Is the net Of
sprinkln: tacks on a bicycle PATH
Philadelphia North American.
Higginton-"Come up and see Us
some time" Steppcrby--"Awfully
sorry, but shall be engaged on that
occasion."-Boston Transcript.
First Summer Girl--"Having many
ofYers!' Second Summer Girl-"Yes,
I've had to limit proposal speeches to
i've minutes each."-New York Jour.
nal.
Jamcs-"The rain falls alike on the
just and the unjust" Jones-"True.
but the unjust man Is generally pro-
vldcd with the Just mans umbrella -
Fun.
He" sobbed the verdant bride,
does not love me any more" You are
ucky," said the seasoned matron. III
ne does not love you any lcss."-In.
dianapolls Journal.
Arche-"1 always think evening
dress must be so trying to a lady Of
humor." Bertie-"WhyT Archie
Because she can't laugh In hel
sleeve.
Claud-"Do you think your father
would offer me personal violence IL
were to ask him for you?" Mabel
"No: but I think he will II you don't
pretty soon."--Tit.Blts.
The old maids soliloQuy: at seven.
teen years OF age I inquired which II
he: At twenty, who Is he? At twenty
Qve. what has he? And now, where Il
hey-Fliegende Blatter.
Bride ,who has clopeD-"Here Is q
telegram from papa" bridegroom
tanxlously)-"What does he snyY
Bridc-"All Is forgiven. but don't come
back" Golfers Weekly.
A question in grammar: Mr. Kinl
Ito n professor In Biddle University
"Perfesser" well. Mr.. Kink =
(which Is the past tense Of the verb 'te
hoodoo' o'-hoodone or dldy'-IIarlcm
Life.
MIR. Benham-"I wish I were single
again." Mrs. Benham-"You horrid
wretch. What would you do II yot
wercY "iarry you again." Mrs
Benham-"Oh, you darling creature."-
Modern Society.
Poet-"That man we just passed Il
Editor Soanso. He Is one Of my mos
particular friends" DittO-"Iic mus
buy your poems" Poct-"Oh. no; Ii,
never buys any. I said most particu
lar. didn't IT-Judge.
ut Is so aggravating to go house
hunting every spring." said the lady II
the city. I'VE generally have to hum
ours up two or three times a summer,
said the cousin from the cyclone belt
Typographical Journal.
He-"I am looking forward to tn.
time when shall make you one OF the
happlcst OF women" She-"You are
very kind, sir; but ! do not think my
father would allow me to accept bl
cycle from you."-YOnkers Statesman.
Teller-"Grlmshaw Is the only man o
my acquaintance who invariably win
In an argument with woman" As
klns-"How, In the name Of wonder
does he do it," Teller-"Oh. he states
his side Of the case and walks off,
Puck
Traveller TO the ferryman crossing
the riverl-"Has any one ever been los
IN this stream;" Boatman-"No, sir
some professor was drowned here las
spring, but they found him again afte
ooking for two weeks.'-Fliegend
Blattcr.
A mere figure Of speech: Iie-"\wa.
., you go to the sea-shore, Mrs. T!ffing
ton. and leave your hard-worklng hus
band chained to his desk" She
"Chained: No, indeed II you onl.
could be-, I'd have some peace of mind.
brooklyn Life.
Bacon--"Haye you see Sprocket late
1yT Egbert-"No." Bacon-"Iic's
sight. Face all cut, arm In a sling
and walks lame" Egbert-'IIow di'
he do il, on his bicycler' Bacon-"No
II he could have stayed on the bicycle
he'd have been all right. "-ionker
Statesman.