Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1897-07-22
JOSHED ALL NATIONS.
THE Ex-KING OF THE FAKIRS TELLS
HOW TO MAKE A LIVING.

/ ~
THE Ex-KING OF THE FAKIRS TELLS
HOW TO MAKE A LIVING.
Rich After Having Done Only -Four Days
Work In Thirty Years-How He Got His
NYokname-Corn Salve For Russians and
Perfumed Beans For Frenchmen.
Tick Lowndes, the ex-king of the
fakirs, having become rich, left OF trav-
cling on his fftieth birthday, married a
young wife and settled down in Phila-
delphia. "because was born there, 4"
he says in explanation of this strange
thing, "and I believe a man ought to
give the town he was born in a show. "
For nearly 80 years Lowndes, circum-
navigating the globe II times. beamed
upon the worlds population through
his Moses P. Handy whiskers, and, In
his own words, "joshed 'em all, white,
black, red, brown and yellow" into
providing for his luxurious existence
and for his eventual wealth. He got his
nickname Of Tick from the solid gold
| watches he used to sell to countrymen
| for the nominal sum of two bits.
maybe you think they won't 60, F"
he would bawl, holding up one of his
watches when purchasers were back
ward. 'That's where you're way off.
Listen to this one tick" And he would
| initiate the ticking of watch with his
| mouth so that the sound could be easily
heard by those on the outer limits OF
the crowd around his torch illuminated
| carriage. Success and seniority gave
him the title king Of the fakirs, by
| which he was known until his retire.
ment
| 81 often hear no account chaps talk
| ing about how hard 1t is to get along in
this world" said Lowndes when he
was here. "They make me weary. The
world is easy-easy" Kidnapping his
| fingers as.if the subject was too silly to
| talk about when was a small boy,
playing marbles and shiny and peg
top, ! looked about me and saw all
hands breaking their necks trying to
earn living struggling, sweating,
worrying, working like the devil, every
one Of 'em.
"It was positively painful for me to
watch 'em, although Twas only in knee
breeches. made up my mind right
then that had heap too big oapaci-
ty for fun to wear myself out working,
and determined to make the world my
oyster. Well, I've been nibbling on the
oyster ever since, and the only work
you could call work that ever did was
four days of coal heaving down in the
stokehole Of a japanese steamer on
which I was stowaway. How's that
| for a recortl-only four days work in
| 80 yearsl Don't look It'll"
Tick did lock it. He was perambu-
lating jewelers. shop. Diamonds gilt
tered all over hin.-not the sort Of dia-
monds he used to put into his Pandora
envelopes. It was acknowledged that he
looked prosperous all right.
"Now you'll be astonished, but the
worst jays I ever struck anywhere i'll
the world are the Russians. think
sold about five tons Of axle grease corn
salve for ruble an ounce box on one
trip thrCugii southern Russia. All the
men in Russia have oorns. They all wear
| heavy COW nide- boots - the ordinary
folks, 1 msan-which suppose accounts
for it. I felt almost ashamed the way
those Russian folks fell over each other
to buy my ordinary axle grease Of COM
MERGE fer their corns, and the worst CT
| il was that IN the larger towns, where
! staid for threo Or four days, tho yeps
1 loj Ia inf
day Of my arrival came to me before I
left and hold mo gratefully that the
grease hal entirely cured their corns.
| Why, v rs regarded rs public bene-
factor tk-ocgi.out the whole Russian
| empire.
81 found the French pretty easy ones,
too, espeu..!y in the smaller towns.
The first time hit France was SELL
ing West Indian rezfumed beans They
were the ordinary American beans that
they don'a know how to cook in Bos-
ton, despite ali this talk of Boston as
the town ot beans. I dyed the beans
blue and aoal1ad 'enl over night in CO.
logne. I used Mexican vaquero's make
up on this Trip and sold the beans a
dozen for franc, with long spell
bind about The perfume lasting for l 900
Years, and 50 on. Il was like finding
money, this lean fake in France.
"All Of tie South Americans. from
Panama to Patagonia, are pretty easy to
gold trick. Ali over South America
sold thonsa.;as CT gallons Of whitening
tonic to 1lli,.ss tie half breeds white l
made it Of nights as went along out Of
any old thing that wasn't harmful
dandelion roots, wild cherry bark and
such stuff. The governments got after
ME finally fer it, though, and that's
the reagoD the half breeds Of South
America are still reddish in color.
Their governments wouldn't let em buy
enough Of loy whitening stuff, you see.
1.-THE Mexicans'll buy anything.
You may not believe it, but I sold thou
sands of dollars worth of common bar
soap for removing grease spots Oh one
trip down there, notwithstanding the
fact that the duds worn by the people
who bought the soap were as much ON
the q string order as the law Of the land
would permit. sold 'em safety razors
that cost me quarter each wholesale
for So, which was about as low down
as ever I played it, as any man who
ever used safety razor will admit.
II would have made million out of
the natives Of the Fiji islands If the
jealous white residents down there had
not choked me off. AS it was, cleaned
up good bit Of money on the scheme.
traded off blue spectaoies with the FL
jis for cochineal Cochineal at that time
| was about worth Its weight in silver.
The Fills went crazy over my stock Of
| goggles, and had several Of the island
| ers gathering cochineal for me until the
| consuls hunted me out
Il was cooking up scheme to sell
the Kafirs some stuff to straightsn their
kinky wool and make it look like the
white mans hair, but the white people
down there wouldn't stand it, although
there was millions in it. Washington
| Cor New York SIM