The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1897-05-28
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Judge Roy Bean, of Langtry, Texas,
was once trying a Mexican for stealing
horse, and his charge to the jury (as
given in Leslies Weekly was one of
the shortest on record: Gentlemen Of
the jury, that's a greaser in the box,
and hoss missing; you know your
duty" And they did.
AT table d'hote dinner at hill sta
ton In India, very young officer just
up from the plains found himself seat
ed next to lady whom he took for
one CT the grass widows common in
those parts. He made himself agree
able, but his neighbor seemed good
deal out Of spirits; so he said. sympa-
thetically: II suppose you can't help
thinking of your poor husband grilling
down below?" But the lady was a real
widow, and when he learned that he
changed his seat.
A certain clergyman would always
wear a NJ. AS hood over his surplice.
Some of his confreres objected to his
doing so, as he was only B. A. of one
OF the universities and had never taken
hts NJ. A. degree. One indignant and
duly qualified parson (says Vogue
went and demonstrated with Archbish-
op Magee, and begged him to interfere
in the matter. for, said he. "rhe man
is simply wearing a lie.' "Oh-no-not
so bad as that" replied the archbishop;
"only falsehoodw
Justin Huntly Mccarthy was once
showing a young American woman
over the houses of Parliament. In es-
corting her through the library of the
Commons he casually mentioned, as
more or less interesting fact, that it
was against the rules for woman to
sit down there. 'Is that really law
of the place?" asked the fair Ameri-
can. ''That is so," answered McCar-
thy, gravely. Then" said his visitor,
you just see me break it, and. draw
ing up a chair, she sat resolutely down
at the table.
When Washington Hesing, of Chi
cago, was devoting all his energies to
the conduct of his paper. the Stats
Zeltung, there was a big fire in Chicago
which his paper failed to mention.
why didn't we have a report Of that
Hre last nlght!' he asked next morn
ing OF a fresh reporter who had heen
assigned to it. MY dear Mr.. Hesjng,"
replied the young journalist in sur
prise, there was nothing new to print
about it. Every one in Chicago was
there and saw it," Young man." said
MI. Hesing, eff any one asks YOU iC YOU
work for the Stats Zeitung, tell him
no."
Thaddeus Stevens was once opposed
in debate by Horace Maynard. of Ten
nessee. Maynard was very tall and
straight, and had long black hair. which
he wore well down over his coat-collar,
and which gave him somewhat the an
pearance Of an Indian. 1t was even
rumored that he had some aboriginal
blood in his veins Maynard prided
himself on his scholarly attainments,
and at the close of his address he quot
ed one or two Latin verses. Old Thad
replied to Maynard's argument in his
usual vigorous manner, and then paus-
ed for few seconds until he had secur-
ed the attention of the entire House
Turning to Maynard. who sat some
distance behind him. he delivered this
parting shot: $50 much for the gen
tleman's English. AS to his Choctaw,
l do not profess to understand it,
Sheridan once had occasion to call at
hairdressers to order a wig. On being
measured, the barber, who was a liber-
al soul, invited the orator to take some
refreshment in an inner room. Here he
regaled him with bottle of port and
showed so much hospitality that Sher-
idans heart was touched. When they
rose from the table and were about
separating, the latter. looking the bar
berfullin the face said: "On rejecting,
l don't intend that you shall make my
wig" Astonished and with a blank
visage, the other exclaimed: Good
heavens, AIr. Sheridan! How can l
have displeased you?" "Why. look
YOU said Sheridan, you are an hon
est fellow, and, l repeat it, you sha'n't
make my wig, for | never intended to
pay for it. I'll go to another less worthy
sou of the craft