The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-06-06
H AILS THE CITY HALF
HOW CAN 1T BE JUST a. MINUTES
From EVERY sUBURB7

ALGEBRA no Real Kstate Agents study, Any- |
how t-Renections or an Kubryo Connuter.
A wild-eyed man whose dress was unkempt |
and whose pockets were bullying with real estate
circulars attracted tho attention OF n SUN ro-
porter in the City Hall Park yesterday after |
noon. He sat on n bench and glared at the City |
Hall. Then from his well.flled pockets he pulled
q circular and read 1t through carefully. Again
he looked steadily at the City Hall. From an
inside pocket he fished out q blankbook, In
which he made q number Of mathematical
calculations. Tho result was not satisfactory
apparently, for his face wore Q puzzled express
sion as he closed the book and returned Il to his
pocket. His eyes again rested on the City Hall.
Once moro he pulled from his pocket q real Co.
tate circular. and this suggested another prob
lem. which he worked out to an unsatisfactory
finish in his blankbook.
Half q dozen times did tho Unkempt Man sug~
gest problems to himself from tho circulars In
his pocket, but tho solution Of them didn't give
him relief. Ho got up impntiently and walked
around the City Hall, closely examining its
foundations.
Probably an architect, and possibly he 10
making plans to move the building" thought
THE Sun reporter to himself.
The Unkempt Man. after circling the City
Hall, returned to his bench with q look of de-
spair that was desperate. His condition ap-
pcalod for sympathy, and as the reporter sat
down beside him he said:
Are you in trouble T.
II am" replied the Unkempt Man. THE
worst trouble Of my life"
Interested In tho architecture Of the Hallr'
mot exactly the architecture. but I'm inter
ested In tho building itself, and it has nearly
driven me crazy. Say, young man. is II logical
and correct to say that two things that arc equal
to tho same thing are equal to each other As.
Stunning that the speed of the trains is uniform,
II 1t takes the same time to get to q given point
from two other points by train isn't it safe to
assume that each of the other points Is at an
equal distance from the given polhtf II X
equals z and A equals z what Is the m
ton from b to G and but at this point his re-
marks became incoherent.
As II divining the reporters suspicious tho
Unkempt Man turned and said:
"Young man. don't for a moment make the
mistake Of thinking that I am insane. I am not.
Two months ago was happy and free from care.
Now I am sane enough. but my cares are many"
How did 1t happenf' asked tho reporter
vaguely. suspocting that the man was insane.
My wife wanted to take q house in the coun-
try" said the Unkempt Man.
The reporters suspicious vanished. Hero was
o reasonable explanation.
Yes" said the Unkempt Man. "it was just
two months ago yesterday that Mary said that
sho would so much enjoy q little suburban
home. One with q pump in the front yard and
vines all over the house, and open plumbing and
hardwood floors, and no further from my Office
than the apartment house in which We lived!"
But what has that to do with the City Halli"
You have never looked for q house in the
country, young man, or you wouldn't ask such
a question. My office Is IN Wall street and my
apartment is in Harlem. With the aid OF OK
press trains / can make the distance between
the two in forty-ive minutes.
"'You might just as well live In the country
said Mary. as in Harlem. SO far as travelling
goes. and it will surely be much pleasanter to
have a whole house than to pay 81. 200 a year
for a stuffy fat and in a moment OF weakness
3 the City HALL. suggested the reporter.
Lte 70 y The s Circular that the sage agent Hfs sent at
exponents OF both who had occasionally visited
literary or artistic men, and the circular allured
me. Say. those half-tone. pictures OF suburban
house houses in II Eise asGslyIllRisii nt aes tpddf ms. I f of adG ihs 3
house itself. It was down In q swampy valley.
un @.po a y gou SaT nsi mosau IT m0s ss4ei I fG asfsd tho
agent. Just to see II he was truthful.
di dtfe sn Tf a ao ha to se ffy ypu he ns snsw to- ias SSn a
doesn't know anything about mosquitoes
honest, and ! asked him how long it would take
me to get in to my office.
You are Just f~orty-hve minutes from the
Mays face benmed at this reply. wedidn't
low up another circular that Ihad received tell.
ing OF the delights that might be found at
agent at, Lenonville was an honest, polite man.
and he showed US several houses that were at;
t%ractive. He told us all about the case, and
then as q test question l asked:
DO you have mosquitoesF
We do he answered promptly. but no
long does it take to get. to New York;
c NE Are exactly forty-nve minutes from the
HI reply puzzled me; because LemonyiilS
Mary wasn't quite satisfied with the houses and
the SPs.6 nsight DO hood e ~ we struck 9yeF in &Hother
spected all the houses but none Of them exactly
suited US. I didn't like the real estate agent
there. and he told mo that the oldest inhabitant
couldn't remember when a mosquito had been
How far are you from New York = Iasked;
s. Msf q s P5%n ! 'R%sR s s ssaf.ss sSs a aSaG' in IN . ss,.htss
direction Az we wen. d9wn the he Jersey coast and
knew he was truthful.
""How far are you from New York !,
Just forty-hve minutes from the City Hail.
we went six miles down tho coast beyond
ouIiNhiO - -oNohh INV. 1ho u -uihh v
have open plumbing and there was only one
hardwood floor in the place. The agent was a
shifty fellow, but l established his truthfulness
by getting him to admit that he had seen mos
Quitoes there in the summer.
How far arc you from New York T. I asked.
Just about f~orty-ive minutes from the City
Hall, he answered.
Now, do you know that 1t struck me as
curious that all of these places should be the
same distance from the City Hall. Mary and |
went down on Long Island the next day, and all
OF the real estate men admitted that mosquitoes
appeared ut certain seasons. Each one OF them
told me that he was forty-fve minutes from the
City Hall. We didn't find a house TO suit. and
the following day we went up In Westchester
county. Every single real estate man proved
himself truthful. Each one warned me against
any man who should say there were no mos
quitoes In his town.
How far are you from Now York I asked
the first agent,
"'Just exactly forty-hvo minutes was his
reply. 1t sounded very familiar, but i didn't
doubt him., Five miles beyond, In tho beautiful
town OF Y~achtsmen's Last Resort, We found
several houses that pleased US, but they
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