Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1897-06-25

Young Playwright-"And what did
YOU think of my climax" Cr1tlc-"lt
was very e."-Brooklyn Life.
She Snored.-"How does your wife
sleep% asked the doctor of the man
whose better half was under his care.
Orally" said the man.-Truth.
Good canvasback ducks" said Riv-
ers, "are quoted, l see, at 80 apiece.
How true it is that riches have wings"
Chicago Tribune.
Margaret always reads the end OF a
novel first" "WhyT $50 she can lie
awake at night wondering how 1t be-
gan."-Chicago Record.
PA, what is a pessimist% "a pessl-
mist, my son, Is a person who never
goes out on his wheel without expecting
to puncture his tire. Puck.
Mrs. Painter-"My husband is de-
lighted with my pictures" Mrs. Point
er--"You don't say? Don't they look
like youT-Yonkers Statesman.
mot every man is made a fool Of"
remarked the observer Of men and
things, "but every man has the raw
material in him."-Detroit Journal.
1.-THE Decree" announced the messen-
ger Of Jupiter, sis that you shall be
bound forever to the WHEEL" "W-which
make?" asked Ixion, anxiously.-Puck.
Police Magistrate-"Have you ever
seen the prisoner at the barT Wit
ness-"Never, your honor; but I've seen
him when l strongly suspected he'd
been at it."-Tit-Bits.
Yabsley-"Did you ever make mis-
take in the dark and kiss the wrong
girl" Mudge-"No. have got mixed
in the dark and kissed some other girl"
Indianapolis Journal.
Some men," said Uncle Eben, "kin
train er dog ter do anything dey tells
i'm, an at de same time raise de mos
disobejintest chillun in de neighbor-
hood. "-Washington Star.
"Dah ain much use O. sufferin' in ST.
lence," said Uncle Eben; seems like II
dis worp picks out anybody fob 'er vic
tim, it ain gwinter to be saterfied till
he boilers. Washington Star.
"And the divorce laws are so very
liberal in your section?" Liberal?
Say! They are so liberal that nobody
ever heard Of woman crying at we'd
ding out there."-Detroit Journal.
my dear, if you took that face
abroad you might have trouble in get
ting 1t home again." what do you
mean?" II mean the tariff on art, my
love" -Cleveland Plain Dealer.
apprehension: The Professor-"As q
matter of fact, there are different dia-
lects in different parts Of Scotland"
Friend-"Great Scott! Are there more
counties to hear from|-Truth.
Mrs. Spatt-"Your husband is an in
ventor, believer" Mrs. Spotter-"Yes.
Some of his excuses for coming home
late at night are in use all over the
country. "-Philadelphia North Ameri-
can.
First Burglar-Lord, Bill! dis adver-
tisement wouldn't fool nobody. Second
Burglar-Wot Is it First Burglar-Fif-
ty dollars reward an no questions asst
signed by a woman.-Leslie's Week
ly.
"Frisbie Is the LATEST man I ever
knew" "What makes you think SOP"
HE actually seems to be glad that
he's getting baldheaded, so that he
won't have to comb his hair any more"
Cleveland Leader.
might l ask what school of poetry
you prefer?" inquired the young man
who writes. And the old gentleman
replied: "The homeopathic school.
The smaller the dose, the better it suits
me. "-Washington Star.
Pease-I suppose you've learned q
great deal about gardening since you've
lived in the country? Hubbard-Yes;
I'm picking up something all the time.
This year I've given up trying to raise
my own vegetables.-Puck.
"How did they stop the elopementT
asked Maud. "By detestable piece OF
trickery," replied Mamie; "her father
put his head out of the window and
shouted that her hat was on crooked
and when she grabbed for it she upset
the tandem, "-Washington Star.
"Why do you do up your hair in those
papers, dear" remarked General Wey.
Ter Of his wife, as she came down tc
breakfast In the Cuban boarding house
"Why, that's the way you do the enc
my up, is it not, dear" replied the gen.
erals spouse.-Yonkers Statesman.
Once upon time two Cows reclined
peacefully beneath a tree. ooh, by
the way" one Of the Cows remarked
casually, why was it, If 1 may ask
that you didn't chase those golfers yes
terday?" "Oh, don't care to be the
cause of little calves being made to sui
fer."-Detroit Free Press.
How long Is 1t going to take to gel
through with this casef" asked the eli
emit, who was under suspicion of house
breaking. "Well," replied the youna
lawyer, thoughtfully, it'll take me
about two weeks to get through with
1t, but I'm afraid it's going to take you
about four years. "-Washington Star
Browner-So you haven't bicycle
Miss Neere? Miss Neere-No, look
ed at one the other day, but there was
something about 1t I didn't like and
the man wouldn't alter 1t, so l didn't
get 1t. Browner-They generally make