Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-07-06
What Philosopher DooIey snys.

From the Chicago Post.
A big, ~foolish-IOoking youth of 10 or %
was standing across the street from Mr..
Dooiey's establishment with an expectant
grin on his face. An electric car hustled
dow the Archey road. As II arrived oppo-
site the point where the foolish-looking
youth stood there was an execrable ex-
plosion, the trucks. of the car seemed al
most to leave the tracks. the women pas
sengers screamed. and the sulphurous ante
Fourth atmosphere became still more pun
gent with the remarks of the motorman.
Mr.. Dooley emerged from his shop waving
an ice pick at arms length.
Timothy Hogan" he shouted, IF ye
don't go away from here this minyit I'll
tell yer mother an I'll scrare tn face iv
We with this here comb. G. way. l tell we,
or I'll make We look like a screen dure. ye
omnscious rufyan."
The leering patriot withdrew to carry on
his vilainous work at the next corner. and
Mr.. Dooley returned to the bar looking
blown and angry.
Wan iv th' worst mistakes iv tn faith
ers iv their country. Hinnessy." he said.
was signin' tn declaration iv ~indepind-
ince on tn Foorth iv July. If they'd done
1t on tn twinty-second Nv Febrooary 'twud
We been all right. An if Washington had
had himself BORN on tn Foorth iv July
that wud We been thoughtful. l can cilly-
brate Wash'ngton'S birthday an keep as
cool as an iceberg ann day iv tn year
But whin ye give ivry man, boy an jackeen
in town tn privilege iv prOvin' that he's a
pathrite be frin' cannons an pistols whin
tn sun is borin' into a mans neck like a
bone collar button. ye do an injury to tn
race that I'll not frgive. fr wan"
1T looks to me-" he went on in a melan-
oholy tone. las If they was too much noise
49, ..,1Lra about nafhritiGm in America TT
tn good iv tn country. TIL Foorth iv
July stands fr nawthin' but tn right to
carry concealed weapons wanst a year.
whin a man thinks he can square himself
with his joOty TO tn nation be settin' OF
a bunch iv frecrackers under his neighbours
window, or buyin' two dollars worth iv
roman candles an shootin' thin in his
shirt sleeves with his suspenders hangin'
down behind, an settin' fire to a barn. he's
in danger iv forgettin' some items Nv per-
sonal property whin he makes out his
schedule FIR tn tax assessor. 1t amt tn
man that sets all day on tn dure step with
a piece ~ punk in his hand THROWN fire
crackers at servant girls on their way to
tn park that's to be relied on whin some
wan is needed FIR to repil tn foreign In
yader or tn dimistic foe, as Jawn Finerty
SAYS in his paper. amy more thin II Is IN
man who puts a flag in his buttonhole and
goes out on tn sthreet corner hoilerin
about liberty. That big Hogan bosthoon
has made more noise thin amy Lad on IN
r-road to-day. an he'd r-run away firm a
Justice court constable-an that's tn hite
iv cowar-dice.
81 don't mind tn little la-ads, though
wan iv thin did throw a bunch iv crackers
in here las night. tn divvle, an scare me
out iv a years growth. Twas tn biggest
iv tn Sullivan twins, an I'll break his
back II 1 lay hands on him. But 10 see
grown, pieface men spindin' tn day touch
in off crackers or tn mere sport Nv hear
in tn noise is enough to make a Christian
wish tn declaration iv indipindince had
nivir been written be Andrew jackson. 1
wondher iv these ravin idjits liver think w
tn misery they make. Do they liver think
iv narvous sick people an little children
surerin' firm tn heat an poor Of lads
with bad hearts. that stop beatin' livery
time e gun bangs? " coorse they don't. or
II they do they don't care. They set on
tn step, with an expression iv unfurnished
rooms to let On their foolish faces an tn
pants ~ thin burnin' on their legs an
lombard quiet people with their crackers
an their torpedos. May tn undertaken
make a mistake an decorate thin with
roman candles some day"
Eye seem hot about it," said Mr.. Hen
messy.
Il am said Mr.. Dooley. ct didn't sleep
wan wink las night An tn little girl
mex dure that's been sick has had a bad
turn. II I'd got that Hogan imp, I'd we
engraved him. ! wud."
At this instant there came a roar like
the fall Of a wall. followed by a scattering
clatter Of small shot.
There they 60" said Mr.. Dooley. with
an EXPRESSION Of despafr. There they 20.
tn pathrites. tn loyal sons iv America. tn
murdherin' fools. To-day they're cillybrat-
in tn declaration iv Independence that they
never heerd tell iy. To-morrah they'll be
shovellin' sand or tampin' a thrack with
a boss standin' over thin that riprisints
all they know iv tn power ~ providence.
An may they pound sand an lamp tn
thrack to the end iv their days who think
freedom is noise"