New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-09-04
BREAKING ENGAGEMENTS.
"a IT EVER JUsTIFIABLE Is IT RIGHT
TO SET ASIDE A PLIGHTED WORD
SARAH GRAND. MRS. JOSEPH PARKER AND MRS.
HAwEIs GIVE THEIR VIEWS OK
THE QUESTION


~. "vvo,., a. Home" asks the question. Is II
.rs- ,ue,iAable 10 break off an engagement" Inis
q. answered by several prominent EngAshwomen'
among whom are Sarah Grand, Mrs. Joseph faT-
ker and Mrs. HaTes.
s.rab Grand saws: ut does not seem TO me- thar
.hsra can he any doubt that il is justih2oe 10
break Of engagements. not only under specla4 err
or,.ances hut under any circumstances whIch
NAV threaten 20 bring unhappness on pair
should they marry. AT the same uihe w ~
think that an engag cement should be broken OH ioi
INV hut the most serious reason; and believe the
contempt we feel and the stigma when a''aeheS 10
~. man If many engagements and TO the girl VINO
ha, broken off one after another are the Involuntary
outcome OF A know ledge or character We NJ"
from experience ttat people OF that klnd' win no
proper sense Of responsibility are mere iroth on
the surface Of society undesirable as acquaintance
and not worth considering as citizens. But II en-
earemerts were 20 be irrevocaole. the chances are
misery in marriage would be double what they are
at prese It, and unhappily they are only 700 "u-
nerous as II Is. OF course no honorable person
will enter into an engagement without the honest
intention Of fulfilling it. and. Therefore when Such
neonle become engaged and afterward break II on,
Il is pretty CERTAIN be for good and sufficient rea-
son ENGAGEMENTS like marriage In THIS. mat
once ueorle stand in that relation 70 each other
they have a certain license allowed them which
gives them opportunities OF becoming more init
rnstely acquainted than was possible before, and OF
obtaining better knowledge Of each other : char
acters tempers tastes and habits than they could
have done IN ordinary social intercourse.
''If the g4r who seems sweet and disinterestcl 20
the man who proposes 20 marry hcr. begins by ask
ing him the moment he presents the engagement
ring to her MIA. sort Of carriage he VII keep. j.
gives him cause 10 ponder, and IT, - h. begins 70
know he- better. he finds al, her aspirations or ne
same material plane. while his own soar higher ne
m isht be that there could be no union com
radeship nothing but d steady drifting apart for
them once they settled down 20 married life. ana 30
would BE- as unfair to the girl Il would be dis
as,rous 70 himself 10 fulfil the engagement mercy
from sense Of duty On the other hand II is even
more likely that inexperienced girl should Dis
cover. after she has become engaged tnat she
much mistaken in her estimate Of the charactcr o,
the man she has accepted Il size has an IDEAL
which the man falls far below. or s;rc. principles.
or views as 10 the cCnduc' o. lie .arge. which ne
does not hold II there Is any ono important point
OF disagreement between them they had better 10.
marry 4 girl OF high principles morally who IL
married to d man OF no moral principle at all
he miserable and so also must woman OF intellect
married 20 a brairess Of m Jscie religious
woman married 70 one who SCOTS a, ali she A1ld-
sacred il IS even more important that girl should
he able 70 break of an engagement than that a
man should FOR mon get on pretty coInfoT ably with
quite Inferior women but anything that lowers her
husband in her estimation means constant dissa;is-
faction i not absolute misery FOR girl
MRS JOSEPH PARKERs VIEWS
rs 4 ever right to break off an ensag" mont?
In other words ever right 10 Sc, asHe a solemn
vow. a p,.ghted word" repeats Mr. Joseph Parker
when the questions are put 10 her. We may sup
pose f. possible" she continue mat a p.@dse may
have been given in ignorance % certain vial facts
the discovery OF which might make the prorn.s" OF
no effect. bur surely The poin,s 10 when 70 direct
attention is not the feasibility 81 breaking an en-
gagement but rather the desra blen-Ss of helLE ="
convinced Of ones feeling before entering lhio
he y
should not so much as occur 70 N" mind. j. NAV ne
thai an engagement mas been entered into hastily
and csrelesslv that Il il very quickly discovered on
both sides 10 be untenable AMI IL broken Oh ny
mutua, consent The misfortune IN such ca,t -
due consideration Promises easily made and a.
easily broken are not indicative Or any frpih or org
nifty % character Bur now - IL p"ssbIr 10 g'a'.
size on question OF this nature? In this world OF
fallen humanity. the perfect Is nor aI"a}S ~, 49,
ninable. and men and women viii sometimes pace
themselves positions where the only thing ett ior
them 10 DO Is 70 choose he lesser Or tSo ett. iV
thenseives and others II can h9,Net ue IL -, 40
break an engagement; II may be less "IohR 90 IN az
50 than 20 confirm and Taiify OohI WHICH l 80
Only result In misery, not foT ore Only Du' Po7
ably for many lives 49,. .b.
In qualification OF our hrsi statement In@ s
discovery OF vital facts that had been suppress
might rishteously nufy promises made IN lshDr
s smn Of iher existence we wouid erndry dis
ease 1t IS moreover easily conceivable that glri
may have pledged herself 10 a man whom she , pe
Iesea 10 he pure. upright and honorapie ana ma,
sns may afterward discover that hc lacks every
quality which she fanced be possessed In a
lord she finds that her promise OF marriage has
S nsn made 20 man VINO has no existence In faci
ID. NAV eS Ssa 10 dream Wha' he Is 5ep IN NAV
A. me man who wakes 70 IND that ne has
uson Tb dream a has vowed feay 10 occ Ge
ns aces and granted moral honor both sides
bond inf ia, sbogd bs Tao no in duty as
nar,,ys as In love Where each Of the CONTRACTING
@ op his ANXIOUS OK 69r the there is
&nser that rift within the lutte should