New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-03-31
T ales Of Hu111or.


Englishnan. A few days after the buy
er returned to him. eYou said that horse
had no faults" he complained.
aN'eel, no MAR had he"
3He's nearly Blind said the indignant
Eng.ishman.
aMon, that's no. his fault; it's his mis-
fortune London It'd Bits.
The betting man will gamble on any
| thing. Rev. Charles Mel, the chaplain
of the California state senate, has en-
deared himself to the members by his
short prayers, as he did to his congrega-
ton by his short sermon. When
he first entered the senate chamber
with his reputation for orevity Senator
Vorheis modestly wagered Senator Deni'
son cigar that the chaplain would not
waste minute in prayer for such an
ilredeemable gang of politicians. Vor-
hcis lost The prayer lasted just minute
and ten seconds. The next morning
the senator was anxious for revenge, so
wagered Denison another cigar on the
same proposition. The chaplain cut his
prayer seven seconds. He knew the
pastors reputation, however, and OBJ
served that he had cut the prayer lit
tie, so on reassembling the next morning
he bet Denison another cigar and lost
by the "Amen." So the betting went
on, day after day and week after week,
Vorheis winning about one bet in ten.
The other evening Senator Vorhels met
the divine on the street and asked him
as personal favor that he cut his pray
er as short as possible the next morning
as he desired to call up an urgent meas
ure. The chaplain readily asscnted.
"Bet you basket of wine the prayer
doesn't last five seconds" SAID Vorheis
toDenisou, as the presidents gavel struck
| the desk.
"Take YOU" and both held their
watches.
"May the Creator of all shower bles
sings on this body. Amen,' was the
prayer, and Denison lost by two seconds.
EFF wuz ter go in ez a Professional
man." remarked Meandering Mike
thoughtfully, 81 believe I'd ratherbe a
pickpocket than burglar"
II don't sees it makes much differ
ence" replied Flooding Pete. @Both of
'em means work"
Eyes; but a burglar hez ter move
aroun' in lonesome fashion an operate
while folks is down SEEM de sights an
injoyin' deirselves. A plCkpocket kin
combine business wild pleasure."- WASH
ington Star.
A rich American presented himself
one day at the studio of Sir John Mlllais
in London, and without preamble began
at once to speak k.
"Sir," he said, 81 wish to take pres
ent back to my wife. She says she
would like to have my portrait painted
by the very best artist in the country. |
have been told that you are the man.
When can have a sitting?'
81 am at present very busy said
Millais.
$50 am t. was the reply
"But am very expensive artist"
"How much do you charger"
| A large price was named.
s'Shall I give you check now?"
"Not at ALL" said Mlllais. II merely
mentioned it to prevent misunderstan.
ding"
'How many sittings do you requ1re?'
Five or six at least"
! "If you can do it in fewer so much
the better, for am very busy mar
and my time is very valuable"
Millais enjoyed the manner in which
his own plea of being busy had beer
met, and arranged to paint him.
"Say, Mistuh Wilsing, whut yoh' dun
spec Mistuh President 'Kinley gwint
ter gimme for votin' fer 'm?" 49,
Il spec e gwine pint yoh do keer
er el de kapitul." ...ss.
sNossuh, better'n dat"
"Den thunk hit am inspectah ginn'a
er de White House."
a"Nossuh." -rs
sNer minister aenipotentiary to Fluri
dy?" .-..<
sNossuh." - =. r.. ~
aNer 'bassadah obstructionary te
Chickargo ner Chiny?"
@Oh, nossuh, Mlstuh Wilsing, iva