davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
Figures of Speech.

From the New York Tribune.
The effect Of the tariff debate upon Sena-
tor Vest seems to be to drive him to a more
abundant flow than usual Of tropes, meta
pLors and other figures of speech, though
there IS no lack of these rhetorical decora-
tions, the blossoms Of an exuherant fancy,
in his everyday discourse. IN Tuesday,
warming up to the consideration of a tariff
for revenue with incidental protection,
which he said he was at one time ignorant
enough and foolish enough to support, but
now scorned and detested, he compared the
United States congress to a convention Of
monkeys, who, while pursuing their DELHI
erations, were thrown into a wild scramble
when nuts were thrown into the cage, the
nuts in this case being protective duties.
This could hardly be called complimentary
to his colleagues, but it was at least force
full, and no doubt expressed his idea.
A little later, answering Senator Bacon,
OF Georgia, who commended that the placing
Of a duty on cotton was in line with the
last National Democratic platform adopted
at Chicago. Senator Vest used a still more
striking figure. IT." said he. II had
thought the platform meant what the sena-
tor from Georgia says it does, / would not
have touched 1t any more than 1 would
have touched a r~attlesnake, knowing there
was no whisky within a hundred miles"
We do not quite see the pertinency of rat
tiesnakes to a duty on cotton, or the rela-
ton of whisky TO either, but figures of
speech with rattlesnakes in them are al
ways in order and always considered pow
erful. We know in a general way that
whisky in large quantities makes the con-
sumner see snakes, and that 1t is also taken
in large quantities to cure snakebites. We
presume the senator had these facts in
mind, but whether he meant to have 1t I'M
derstoOd that he is not afraid of rattle
snakes when there's whisky real handy, or
that he would not touch either the rattle
snake or the whisky unless they were close
together, we do not quite make out. There
are folks who say that both are dangerous.
These are fOrcible If not flowery figures
OF speech. II the tariff debate continues we
shall doubtless have more of them. There
are other animals in the menagerie than
the monkey and the rattlesnake. What's
the matter, for instance, with the horned
gnu, the gorilla, the ornithorhynchus and
tba pCIar hpar2
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
The Cucumber vindicated.

From the Washington Post.
The much abused cucumber has at last
asserted itself and demonstrated that it
has merits. 1t has been the custom TO
attribute all manner of evil influences TO
the cucumber, and 1t has been made a
scapegoat on which to lay the blame prop
erly belonging to other things. If a man
were doubled up with a severe attack of
collie and had eaten cucumbers within two
days, the cucumbers were charged with be-
ing the cause. An attack OF indigestion
would be charged up to the cucumber &C
count, and II It could be ascertained that
cucumber had been eaten, any stomach
disorder was cheerfully accounted for on
that ground. Now all this has been
changed. and the cucumber FORCES to the
front as a remedy for stomach troubles. A
Mr.. Huber, OF Trenton, N. j., began, two
months ago, TO waste away and soon be-
came so emaciated as to be hardly recog-
nizable by his friends. Il felt" he said,
''as II two Infatuated tomcats were fighting
and clawing inside me-" On Tuesday last
Mr.. Huber INDUCED himself by eating a
quantity of green cucumbers, and later he
made a few heaves and elected a creature
weighing eight ounces. which bears a
stICng resemblance to n devilfsh. 1t had
one eye. The physicians are Of the opinion
that the killed the beast and
forced it from its lair in Mr.. Huber's In
terror. Mr.. Huber Immediately began to
increase in weight and strength. and bids
fair TO become shortly a ponderous Her
cules.
The cucumber has thus indicated itself
from the charges lodged against 1t. Far
from producing i'll effects, it Is clear that
the cucumber IS n corrector of evils. When
a few ounces of cucumber can engage with
and overcome an adversary certainly twice
its weight and drive it from its habitation
IL must be regarded in an entirely new
and favorable light. There are forces pos
sessed by the lowly cucumber hitherto un-
suspected. This single performance invests
the cucumber with a dignity to which it
made no previous claim, and which gives
rise to the suspicion that Il has been great
~ slandered. HI fighting and clawing
inside, with which the cucumber has
always been credited, is now known
to have been caused by something else as n
result of an attack on that something else
by the Had there been a suf-
fcient quantity of cucumber there would
doubtless have been an expulsion of the
offender, as in the case Of Mr.. Huber, but
the cucumber being too diminutive to over
! come, could only give battle without at
tanning success.
In future the will receive less
blame. An element of doubt has been in
fused into the cucumber character, and
after this object lesson of its power for
good there will be some hesitation about
condemning It. Give a dog a bad name,
| you know, applies as well 10 the cucum-
Der, but that much abused vegetable has
arisen and confuted its enemies. 1t is more
than likely that 1t will, in future, occupy
a prominent position as a riot queller.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
HATS OFF IN CHURCH.

II the announced programme OF one OF
Denver's churches was carried out. all the
women Of the congregation removed their
hats at the beginning Of yesterday morn
ing's service. At a largely attended and
seriously deliberate meeting OF the sisters
It was decided that an attractive and at
the same time obstructive display OF mill
inery was not conducive 10 the tempera-
mental equilibrium and spiritual concen-
tration sought by those who attend the
sanctuary in good faith. and Il WIS unan-
imously agreed that the first note OF the
voluntary at yesterdays service should be
the signal for the initial uncovering OF
feminine heads.
As there are no details given out as 20
the arguments employed 10 bring about
this innovation, the reasons must be con-
jectured. II would. however. be edifying
TO know by what process the women JUS
tify their defiance of the scriptural %injunc-
ton. It was probably held that even in
spiration could not have penetrated the
future clearly enough to m the alb
sorbing Importance and the secular signid-
canoe OF the woman's hat at the close of
the nineteenth century. II would be logi-
cal enough TO suppose that IL the Creator
had required OF women that they submit,
themselves TO the undisturbed influences al
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

divine meditation while viewing a display
of 1897 millinery. He would have endowed
them with some qualities that have been
proverbially lacking in their makeup IL
would. OF course. be out Of the question 10
go to church In unattractive headgear' ana
II was therefore an ingenious mind ana d
noble spirit that suggested the removal OF
the exhibit during the time that II "oulo
obstruct q view of the preacher or inter-
fere with the n~ourishment of the soul.
There is no intimation that the men
had anything to do with this movement.
They doubtless had their opinions on the
matter, but they have become such a sud-
missive minority In church affairs that
they were probably not consulted. Their
field Of action has been IN the theater'
where they are very Jealous of their rights
and even II they have been ignored IN
the church. the brethren may occasionally
and with gentle discretion, remind the
sisters that they borrowed their m
able idea from the playhouse.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
FIrecracIScr Evidence.

Tom McNeal. in the Topeka Mail.
Speaking of evidences of returning pros
perity. We note that more towns in Kan
sas are preparing for gorgeous Fourth OF
July celebrations than for many years.
The Fourth of July is an index either Of
adversely or prosperity. When trade Is
good and people are feeling frisky the
Fourth of July fourishes. When they are
Respondent. hard up and out at the ga
bIeS- they are 10th to enter into the spirit
OF tho sack race or travel far TO witness
the vain pursuit of wealth by the youths
who tackle the creased pole. Patriotism
and barrel lemonade go hand in hand. but
IL is only when the inhabitants are feeling
reasonably flush that the vendor OF this
~attenuated fluid reaps a rich reward Tor
his poetIc announcement that his lemon
ade has been made in the shade and stirred
with a spade by an old maid. etc. This
year Kansas Is not in the dumps. Her
wheat fields are yellowing for the harvest
and the bulls have their horns under the
markets. Her beef and swine are corpu-
lent and hlg priced. Her COWS are pour
ing pounds Of milk into the be-
tween the rising and setting Of each days
sun. and her hens are laying enough eggs
every week to smear the world with Gus
tard. The air of her valleys Is sweet with
the scent of the alfalfa bloom, and her
bees are every month storing one hundred
thousand pounds of honey. Her people are
having their debts and flooding the banks
with money. and her merchants are doing
such a business as they have not lone for
wears. II is no wonder they feel like cele-
brating. Bring on your creased pigs and
turn 'em loose. Fire salutes at the rising
of the sun and let the scattering crackle
of hrecrackers p~unctuate the remarks Of
the orator as he dilates on his country's
&c. l. ia EhgnA IN HGlnhraTa
She Is not snufing ~anybody's dust IN the
,rocaecion of states.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

of creation having only twelve representa-
tives among its ffty-eight members.
A militia company OF sixty or seventy
members has been organized In JEFFERSON
City, which will be known as the GOV
ernor's Guards" Medical associations con-
templating attacks by resolution or other-
wise on our Lonnie would do well TO pro-
coed cautiously hereafter.
But just listen. Doesn't this Jar you? It's
the story of that new hotel at Jefferson
City, as told by the Tribune:
Yesterday Architect A. w. Elsner COM
pleted the plans of Mr.. W. w. Wagners
new Monroe house. This building Will oc-
cupy the present site of the Monroe mouse
and extend back on Monroe street TO and
including the old church. The building Will
be four stories high, and when completed
will cost 5O,OOO. II will be an up-to-date
hotel. with all modern conveniences 1t
will require 375 electric lights TO properly
light IL. An electric elevator and n refrig-
Grating machine will also be in the build
ing, as well as electric fans and steam heat.
A large dynamo will be required 10 fur-
nish power for the fans and elevator and
to generate electricity for lights. MT. Wag-
ner expects TO begin work on the building
early In the fall.
At least one member of the family OF
Herman P. Faris. late prohibition candi-
date for governor of Missouri. did not re-
greet that estimable gentleman's defeat for
the high office, says East Window In the
Columbia Herald. This was a small daugh-
ter. Mr.. Faris is a strict Presbyterian and
requires his children to attend every SER
vice in his church. Now human nature In
children as in older folk sometimes rebels,
and this small daughter does not always
enjoy church-going. Shortly after the cleo
tion the child was told she must go TO
some special church service.
II don't want 10 CO." she replied. And
I'm so glad my father wasn't elected gov
ernor.'
why are you glad OF that?' was asked.
Because he would nave made a law
making every boy and girl in the state go
to the. Presbyterian church four times on
Sunday"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
Business situation.

From the Chicago Post.
Recognition of improved conditions in the
business world has now become fairly gen.
eral. 1t is no longer a question either or
locality or individual line where this
change for the better may be noted. The
broad proposition that things are better
is everywhere accepted as a statement Of
fact. more or less apparent In certain To-
%calities or particular branches of trade.
Throughout the Southwest this improve
ment is most marked, the contrast between
to-day and q year ago indicating the actual
presence of returned prosperity. The East
ern manufacturing states and the far West
stand next in order of Improvement. while
IN the Northwest and South prosperity re-
turns with but a laggard step. As TO par
ticular branches of industry, the iron trade
and cotton trade. the two great staples,
run a neck-and-neCk race for supremacy.
But in other great lines of manufacture.
as. for instance, clothing and boots and
shoes, the growing demand Is most en-
couraginR.
As Illustrating not only this improvement
itself hut the recognition of II, the steady
advance in all American securities, both
in Wal street and on the London Stock
exchange. Is incontrovertible. The ablest
Judges of finance in both countries have
put themselves on record u"nequlVocaIly
during the last week or two as favOring
American SIOthS u AAC fAFS
pect OF an early termination of the tariff
debate and a subsequent rational settle
ment of the currency problem will remove
the last vestige now standing in the way
OF absolutely better times.
Prices of wheat and corn during the
week continued to be mainly guided by
the changes in the weather, as they made
for or against the welfare of the growing
crops. While these were the principal
causes of the fluctuations which occurred,
there were the usual collateral influences
incident 20 the manner IN which the spec
ulative branch of the grain business is con-
Quoted. One Of the latter was of more than
| ordinary importance. 1t was a proposal to
| alter the bylaws of the board of trade in
a way TO prevent proprietors of elevators
from storing grain belonging to themselves
In such OF their warehouses as are rec
ognized by the board as fit places for the
holding of grain regular for delivery on
board of trade contracts. As there is a
possibility of the owners Of elevators re-
fusing to apply for a privilege hampered
by such a condition, the proposal has
caused some hesitation to sell wheat for
future delivery.
The bureau Of agriculture issued its re-
| port upon the condition of the growing
! crops "a the now appear, and as 1t indi-
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
A PARTING SONG.

Dear Giver of Thyself. when at thy side
1 see the path beyond divide,
Where We must walk alone a little space.
1 say. Now. am l strong indeed
To wait with only memory awhile.
Content. until 1 see thy face
Yet turn. as one in sorest need.
To ask once more thy giving gracei
So at the last
OF all our partings, when the night
Has hidden from my failing sight
The comfort OF thy smile,
Ny hand shall seek thine own to hold It
fast:
Nor wilt thou think for this the heart
migrate,
Less glad for all It's past.
Less strong to fear the utmost OF its
fate.
Arthur Sherburne Hardy.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
TOMORROW AND TO-DAY.

Tomorrow hath a rare, alluring sound;
To-day is very prose; and yet the twain
Are but one vision seen through altered
eyes.
Our dreams inhabit one; our stress and
pain
Surge though the other. Heaven is but
to-day
Made lovely with to-morrow's face. for
ave. Richard Burton.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
III. Melancholy Duties.

From the Maryville Tribune.
The Hon. George Graham Vest, OF this
state. solemnly arose and remarked in the
senate one day last week that II was MS
melancholy duty TO call attention 10 the
fact that in thirty instances the rates OF
the senate tariff bill are higher than those
of the Mckinley law" We would not ad-
vert to one other melancholy" fact which
the senator did not regard it as his 'melan-
cholv duty to refer to. viz: That IN forty-
three instances the rates of the wilson tar
If law were higher than those OF the NC
Kinlev law: but We cannot help recalling
the great number of melancholy duties
which the great senator from this state has
felt called upon to perform
Everything the great man has done since
ba was first elected he has done because II
was his melancholy duty" He has found
attendance on the ordinary sessions of the
SENATE a very melancholy duty" and the
letters of his constituents have been thrown
into tie senatorial waste basket, because 1t
Ua a melancholy duty" to answer them.
A few years ago he was cup bearer. valet
de chambre and mouthpiece in the upper
house to the Hon. Grover Cleveland: this
became a melancholy duty" however, and
he turned on his friend and became one of
his most unreasonable enemies. He once
began a war of determination against
the Republican policy of protection; but in
1896 this became an exceedingly melancholy
duty. and for the campaign of that year he
INDUCED in a last fight for liberty" against
the money power octopus. Wall street and
the plutocrats.
We are sorry that the Hon. George Gra-
ham Vest has so many melancholy duties
to PERFORM: and we are in entire sympathy
with that very numerous body Of the peO-
pie of this state who believe that 1t would
be a good thing for the state and the ma
ton for them TO perform one duty, which IS
undoubtedly theirs. however melancholy II
may be. and tighten the responsibility on
his shoulders by retiring him TO the delight
full seclusion of private life. when he will
not have so many melancholy duties to per-
forrp
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
A T PARABLE.

Just beyond the toiling town
I saw a child to-day.
With busy little hands OF brown
Making toys of clay.
Working there with all his heart,
Beneath the spreading trees,
He nodded with unconscious art
Whatever seemed TO please.
Men and fortress, plates and pies.
All out Of clay he made.
Then rubbed with chubby fists his eyes,
And slumbered in the shade.
John Clair Minot.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Washington. june 1s.-For Oklahoma and
Indian Territory: Threatening weather,
with scattered showers Monday afternoon;
continued high temperature; variable
winds.
For Missouri: Partly cloudy weather,
with light showers In the afternoon; con-
tinued nigh temperature; variable winds.
For Kansas: Generally fair; variable
winds
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
He Knew just What 1t Was.

From the New York Press.
She-"Are you never filed with unmeas-
ured longinzs, with i~ndetinable ecstacy,
with a feeling that your soul can rise above
the trammelments of mundane things and
bask in the sunshine of the infnite?"
He-"Yes. indeed! But think of the head
Won have on you the mex morning!"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
She Couldn't Say.

From the Chicago Post.
will you have me for better or for
vorse?" he asked.
what a foolish question. George" she
answered. How can I tell whether it will
be for better or for worse? We've just got
| 10 take chances. That's ALL"
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Gated a crop of winter and spring wheat
together not much in excess Of that. of the
small yield of the year previous. 1t caused
a little momentary strength. The net re-
suit, however. of the weeks business IN
wheat has been to leave the price not Tar
from where It stood a week ago.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
Dinphanous.

From the New York Press.
The AIbino-"Does the living skeleton
board with your"
The fat lady-"Not for his meals. He
says professionally It is better for him to
be spoken Of as only q rumor."
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Gold beads and valuable gems have been
found in the crops of chickens, but 1t is
surprising to learn that The chicken crop
is worth more than the corn crop.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Considering that the lungs of Vest. Jones
and Mills are in good working order. the
senate is really making remarkable prog
ress with the tariff bill.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Democratic contemporaries will notice
that the corn and wheat crop is producing
quite a fair article of prosperity among
the carpet makers OF New England.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

When Democratic congressman get tired
Of ~rraignin Tom Reed they go and rest
up. They know he will be right there
when they come back.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
The Girl.

Perhaps when 1900 comes
And makes a brand new date,
She'll coolly mark it down again
To 1888. Minneapolis News.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14
international action favorable to BIZ

The fact that Senator Tfllman is help
ing the tariff bill along will do much TO
remove the impression that he is merely
a vulgar nuisance.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Ministers probably find It easier to
preach on the bicycle than to ride on 1t
at least until they get a little used to It.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Broker Chapman might prepare an In
structive lecture on the gastronomic evils
OF living too high in penal confinement.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

The indications are that Mr.. Dingley will
not have to look for a strawberry mark
on the left arm of his bill in order to rec
ognize it when the senate gets through.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Good news from Georgia. Hoke Smith
will remain in the state and the water
melon crop will b. shipped out.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Thus far Governor Smith. OF Leaven-
worth. has refrained from asking Dick
Blue to explain where he was on the night
of the explosion.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Governor Bradley will probably be too
busy with Kentucky affairs to slip over
into Ohio and make prosperity speeches
for Mr.. Hanna
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Kansas City's human ostrich will have
to confne himself to a simple diet Of mar
bles and safety pins for a while. Too free
indulgence in broken glass, pocket knives
and tenpenny nails has seriously impaired
his digestion.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

President Mckinley was polite enough
in his Nashville speech TO compliment
Tennessee on the way 1t is making prog
ress and TO say nothing about the way
1t makes governors.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Expressions Of leading bimetallists Of
Europe make it plain that II the friends
Of silver were numerous enough and inhu-
entail enough in that country the United
States would have no difficulty in secur-
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

weather q week ago are now kicking the
cover of at night.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Those Democrats who refused to support
William ]. Bryan and all the dangerous
propositions OF the Chicago platform last
year have been officially notified that they
can no longer consider themselves mem
bers of the party. In practically every
state where elections are TO take place
this fall the official calls for the state
conventions have indicated distinctly that
only those who voted for Bryan or who
now indorse the Chicago platform Of 1896
will be permitted to participate in the con-
yartfope
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Editor Hearst has received reports from
different parts of the country denying that
there is any prosperity in sight. An edi-
tor with a sufficiently large barrel can
have any kind of reports he wants.
Kansas City journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1897-1928, 1897-06-14

Those Southern senators who are sup
porting the tariff bill are not misrepre-
senting their states. Protection senti-
ment has been growing at a rapid rate
In the South OF late years.