davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
A WALLFLOWER TALKS.

Her Cynical Views of Men and Women
... and Their Affairs.
Why is it that you hate a girl who
has hair like yours and yet prettierf
Why is a pretty blond 30 tenderiy
Rffectionate with a homely brunette
when men are around?
Why do the men you like most to
dance with seem to think you do not
care to dance with them?
What makes ugly men almost always
30 brave2 Why does one forget them
less easily than handsome mens
Why do you tell mothers about other
peoples babies when you know they are
Jealous?
When you like a man and ne gets
married, why do you most always hate
his wife?
Why does the man that you could for.
give never do anything that must be for
given?
What makes some men uncomfortable
when you say you know a man who
drinks and CANDLES?
When you want O man to like you,
why do you scott at his opinion when
you have the same opinion YOURSELF
What makes brave men so stupidi
Why do they think girls like only hand
some menf
Why don't you feel sorry when you
have pretended not to understand a man
and he is vexed9
What makes it so hard to believe that
a mar who is nice to you Is as bad as
your mother knows he Is?
What makes some men seem like
saints when you know they are-notf
Why does the woman You dislike
never meet an accident In a ballroom2
Why do you and your mother never
agree az to whether a man is wicked OF
not?
Because another woman marries q
man you know. why does he seem to be
afraid of you afterward?
Why does a timid man always apollo.
gize for everything? Why does a bold
man not apologize when he ought tor
Why do you want a girl TO wear your
gloves when you know she can't get
them on?
When you have said something IN
fair tn q generous man, why does he
seem gentler afterward, and yet colderi
Why are you glad you said 1t. but wish
you had bitten off your tongue frst?--
New York Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
A Disciple of Garner.

"Does doggie want to come out for a
walk with me?"
"Bowwowr'
"Of course 90 does, but you have
just had your hair cut, and you might
catch cold"
"Bowwowr'
"Oh, yes, oo would. If 90 stays
home, I'll give you a piece of cake"
"Bowwowr'
"There, 1 knew you would. What
kind of cake would you like?"
"Bowwowr'
"Sponge cake? All right, it will be
sponge cake. Did you ever see such an
intelligent dog, May? He can under
stand every word I say to him and re-
plies to me just as If he could speak"
Truth.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
CONFLICTING.

81 think we are not c%ultivating the
new neighbors as we should" said
Mrs. Blykins.
well, replied her husband, "there's
no use of trying to do too many things
at nee. 1t stands to reason that we
can't expect to be successful in cultivat-
ing the neighbors and Millicent's voice
at the same time. "-Washington Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Her Opportunity.

Office Boy-Mr. de Jones was in
while you were at court. He wants a
bill of sale drawn up on his house'ole
goods.
Lady Solicitor (excitedly)-Will he
call again?
o. Bile said he would.
Lady Solicitor-Thank heaven. Now
I shall find out what that stuck up Mrs.
de Jones really has in her house. Illus
trated Bits.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02

Mr.. Gotrox--And so you are the no
BILE fellow who rescued my wife from
in front of the trolley car at the risk of
your life? Take this quarter. my heroic
man, as an expression of our undying
regard.
Mr.. Raglets-All right, boss. You
know better'n l do what the woman's
with. up to Date.
His Limitation.
"Did you ever find awill you couldn't
break?"
"Yes, sir. my wife's," bravely ad-
mitted the famous lawyer.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
A Secret.

Major Crosby had just rounded into
the fourth hour of his financial argu-
ment. Gentlemen" he said, lit is
simply preposterous that any party
should ask for the suffrages of intelli-
gent Americans on a platform such as
that l have just read to you. I confess
that I was struck dumb with amaze
ment''--
Hold on there!'' came a sleepy voice
from the middle aisle. "How did you
say they did it2''-Detroit News.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
DAINTY TRIPLES.

Low boat shaped dishes Of cut glass
are provided for celery.
Monkey skin is to the fore under the
head of high grade leather goods.
A novelty for the table is represented
in patty cups of Dresden china set in
silver standards.
For the work basket are emeries rep.
%resenting a tomato. an apple or a pear,
with silver stem.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Stretches Them,

"What is the complainant's reputa-
ton for truth and veracity?" asked the
lawyer.
sit is generally good, 1 think" an
swered the witness, Though in telling
about the size of the snakes he has kill
ed he seems to be inclined to go almost
any length. indianapolis journal.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Advice.

Pardon me, said the new boarder
after the others had left the table, "but
I'm not up in table etiquette and don't
know just how oranges should be eaten"
Every sparingly, sir, very sparingly,
at this time of year." answered the
thrifty landlady. Detroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
The Collecting Craze.

MRS. Van Twitter is such an origi-
nal creature"
"What has she been doing lately?"
Collecting souvenir husbands. In
eide of six months she has had one
from st. Louis, one from Denver and
one from San Francisco. "-ChisaRo
Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
The Passion Of the Day.

At the sight of the approaching Ca
noe filled with painted savages Robin
son Crusoe started violently.
"Ahar' he exclaimed. "Here is O
chance for a straw vote at last. Yes"
In order that he might not flush the
game he concealed himself behind a
tree. Detroit Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
The Moon.

"Chaste moon. " sang the poet.
At that the moon hid her face behind
q cloud.
"AIas, that 1 am unworthy of his
praiset' she sighed.
She doubtless had in mind the notori-
GUS fact that once a month she got full
and staid out all night. Detroit Trib-
une.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Its Drawbacks,

81 like living in Alaska well enough"
said the man with the fur coat, "but
it has its nasty features. Navigation
on the Pacific coast closes in October.
and when you've had an election down
here we can't jollify over it till next
April. Chicago Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Her Brother.

He (nervously)-Miss Sweetheart,
Il wish to speak with you.
She (knowing what is coming)-Very
well, brother Clarence, i am listening.
He (rising to COL don't think
will say it now. 1t is nothing. anyway.
Harlem Life.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
At h Hub.

please, ma, | don't want any OF
those cultured peaches"
Cultured peaches, Johnnie? What
san You mean by that?''
1.-The mes with specs on en-. Dos.
ton Transcript.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
What Was on Her Mind,

Mert:e-I despise that Specie girl.
She never meets me but she tells me
about the lovers and the number of pro.
posals she has had. She makes me tired.
Marie-Me too. do hate to hear q
person talk shop. Brooklyn Life.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Feeling.

Il thought there was more feeling in
his speech at the beginning than toward
the end"
Undoubtedly. He didn't have to feel
any more as soop as he found out where
the crowd stood. detroit Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02

Husband-You're not economical.
Wife-Well, if you don't call a wom-
an economical who saves her wedding
dress for q possible second marriage, I'd
like to know what you think economy
is. -Melbourne Punch.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Broken on the Wheel.

spa" said little Johnny, looking up
from his book. cit says here that the
martyr was broken upon the wheel.
What does hat mean?"
"Oh," replied pa, II guess he could
not keep up his installments. "-Larks.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02

9TH ole squire stop an spoke to me
this marnin, al OF asst 'im 'ow Master
Philip was gettin on in Lunnon. oh,
says e, ''e's bin called to tn bar OF
dunno wot e meant, SO Oh didn' say
nothin, but Oh says TO meself. 'Ah,'
Oh says, from what OF remember of
i'm, e didn't want no calm. -
Pinch
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Not Unusual.

"Who was the best man at the wed,
ding?"'
"The BRIDES mother, as near as ]
could judge. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Iron In the Body.

There are about 100 grains of iron
in the average human body, and yet
so important is this exceedingly
small quantity that its diminution
10 attended with very serious results,
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
An Intrepid Man.

What makes you think Grimsly is
such a courageous man?'
"Why, he doesn't even quail before a
~eleeping car porter. Chicago Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Worked Both Ways

He-They married IN haste.
she-And, of course. repented at
leisure.
He-No, they repeated the same
way.-Up to Date.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Very Deceptiye.

She-I think a girl looks awful cheap
when she first becomes engaged.
He-She may look cheap, but you can
bet she's not.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
From Kentucky.

First Artist-So Colonel Bluegrass
would not take any of your pictures?
Second Artist-No. He says he hasn't
any taste for water colors. Town Top
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
The Woman Mt whist.

She-Isn't the rule, "When in doubt,
play trumps?"
He-The usual rule is, "When in
doubt, ask what are trumps. Scottish
Nights,
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Not q BIT of 1t.

"She is a girl of uncertain age, l be-
lieve."
"No. She's been the same for the last
ten years. Pick Me Up.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
fortunate For Him,

He-I claim to be a gentleman.
She-Aren't you glad you don't have
60 prove ysur elaim?-Truth-
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-01-02
Runs Through Cars
TO~

TIME SCHEDULE.
Northern Pacific time card in effect Monday,
June 10.
ARRIVE AT HELENA.
No. s, Pacific Express, west bound 3:40a. M.
No. o, Atlantic EXPIRES, east bound, 900 a. M.
No. 3Livingston and Missoula local,
daily except Sunday II :0Oa q. m.
No. 4, Missoula and Livingston local,
daily except Sunday 900 p. m.
No. s, Marysville mixed, daily except
Sunday. ........ .......... ....... q:SO a, m.
ly except Sunday, runs from Basin
on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fri
days, from Elkhorn on Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays. .......... $50 p. m.
No. 102, Rtmini mixed, Tuesdays only $50 p. m.
DEPART FROM HELENA.
No. 5, Pacific Express, westhound, 3.45 a. m.
No. Q, Atlantic Express, eaStbound, 2:05 a. m.
No. 8, Livingston and Missoula local
No. !, Missoula and Livingston local
daily except Sunday ,........... 2:1op. m.
No. 2. Marysville mixed, daily except
No 10. Wickes and Boulder mixed,
daily except Sunday, runs to Basin
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays,
to Elkhorn Tuesdays, Thursdays
and Saturdays. ....... -. 7:l5 a. m
No. 10l, Rimini mixed Tuesdays only 1920 a. m.
Through tickets to Japan and China, via Ia
coma and Northern Pacific Steamship Co.
For information, time cards, maps and tickets,
call on or write
a. ID. EDGAR,
GENERAL AGENT, HELENA, MONTANA,
CHAS. S. FEE, G.. P. & T. A.,
st. Paul. MINI
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03

mother. who had been killed by his cap tor, the Sioux.
 In the sag not far away they found the horses that the robbers had ridden, and the express pony, with the pouch still on the saddle. standing in bunch, their bridles tied together About mile up the trail they found the body of the rider, stiff and cold, with a bullet hole in his head, and car ried him back and buried him, and there wouldn't have been a soul at the funeral only for Little Kyuse.
 The next day, when they were cache ing the carcasses of the dead Indians, Little Kyuse shocked and surprised the white men by constantly clubbing and kicking the corpses. Of sudden he gave yell and seized his rifle, and be- gan emptying it into one of the dead Indians. Whipsaw took the gun away from him.
 See! See!" cried the boy, pointing at the Sioux, and the trapper recog- nized in the object of the boys wrath the hideous features of the scar-faced Sioux who had sold the child at whose hands he had, iii his own good time, been taken off.--N. Y. Sun.
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03
Note That Cansed Trouhle.

A young gentleman whose gallantry was largely in excess of his pecuniary means sought to remedy this defect and save the money required for the purchase of expensive flowers by ar. ranging with gardener to let him have bouquet from time to time in return for his cast-off clothes. It thus happened one day that he received a bunch of the most beautiful roses, which he at once sent to his lady love. In sure anticipation of friendly wei come he called at the house of the lady the same evening, and was not little surprised at the frosty reception he met with.
 You sent me a note to-day the young lady remarked after pause, in the most frigid tones.
 Ia note?D he inquired in blank astonisbment
 Certainly, along with a nosegay.'
 'To be sure, sent you nosegay.'
 And there was this note inside; do you still mean to deny it?"
 With these words she handed the dumfounded swain scrap of paper on which the following words were written: Don't forget the old trous CTS you promised me the other day. = London Telegraph.
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03

One night Whipsaw woke and found
 the boy sitting up in his blankets lis-
 tening.
 "Kyuse?" asked Whipsaw.
 No kyuse," said the boy, shaking his head and looking serious. Sleep" said the man, but the Indian
 shook his head.
 "WalSe up, here, Bob," said Whipsaw;
 'suthin's goin' wrong"
 "What is it?" asked the rider, rub ping his eyes.
 II can't make out clear" said Whip
 saw, "but suthin's wrong. This kids coclxin' his ear an when tell him to lay down he shakes his head" Whipsaw lit match and looked at his watch.
 Long time," said the boy, shaking his head. Long time-no lyuse." Then they knew what the child meant. It was one o'clock; the pony express was an hour late, and the boy knew that it was so.
 For another hour the two men sat and waited for sign from the boy, who listened for the sound of the horses feet. Presently the Pawnee crawled out, put his ear to the ground, came back and shook his master. "Kyuse?" asked Whipsaw. Heap kyuse," was the boys reply, and they understood. It was not the lone rider, but band of Sioux bent upon mischief.
 Little Kyuse seized his rifle, slipped out, and the two men followed him. To guard against surprises of this sort Whipsaw had dug short trenches, deep enough to hide a man, all about the cabin, and now, to his surprise, Little Kyuse planted himself in one of these holes. Without a word the two men took places, one to the right, the other to the left of the boy, and waited. When the robbers had reached little sag in the desert, some 500 yards from the sta ton, they dismounted, and now came
 creeping upon the lonely cabin. One
 came crouching so close to Whipsaw that he could almost have reached him with his rifle barrel. The trapper was
 sore afraid that the boy or Bob might open fire, for how was this child to
 know that he was waiting for the band to assemble near the cabin door before attacking them? But Little Kyuse was as wise in his first fight as white man would be at 21 The clouds were
 breaking, and in the starlight they
 could see the Sioux, six of them, near
 the cabin door. They listened-one of
 them pushed the door open. Now an Indian went in, came out a moment
 later, and they all filed in at the very
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03

moment that Whipsaw was about to open fire. Instantly he changed his plan. They would charge on the cabin door and fight the gang, which out numbered them, even counting the boy, two to one. Without word Whipsaw got to his feet, and instantly his com panions were at his side.
 Bob held his rife. the trapper laid his upon the ground and held a six-shot re- volver in each hand It was to be close and rapid fighting; he would empty his six-shooters and after that the knife. Little Kyuse grasped his rifle with IA shots in the magazine. and he knew how to work it, too. There was no word of command, but as Whipsaw leaned for ward they all started double quick for the cabin. Ten paces from the door they stopped, the boy still sandwiched between the men. The Sioux must have heard them, for now they came pour ing out. Before they had gained the open air the little party opened fire. Two of the Indians fell, and the others returned the fire, but with bad aim. Another round from the white men and two more Sioux bit the dust. Bob was pumping his rife when a ball from the cabin door shattered his right shoulder. Dropping his gun he pulled his six shooter and continued to fight. Hav- ing emptied both of his re volvers, Whip saw slammed one of them into the face of a Sioux, who came for him with a knife. The two men began fighting hand to hand now, while Little Kyuse kept pumping small shot into the other remaining Sioux. Seeing Whipsaw hard pressed, the boy began to watch for chance to use his little rife. Bob succeeded at last in stopping his man. and then fell weak from loss of blood. Whipsaw had been shot and badly cut,
 when his antagonist paused to get ad-
 vantage. Instantly Little Kyuse showed his rife as near the Sioux's left side as he could get it and pulled the
 trigger, and the big. bad Indian sank in
 a heap.
 Thus did Little kyuse reward the
 white trapper for his tender caro and 1 avenge the death of his father rnd
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03
An Excited Briderroon,

A rather amusing incident occurred the other day on a street car while crossing from the west to the east side There was prospective bridegroom on the car, and he had just been across the river to the county clerks office to get license and was returning. ac- companied by a friend, who had cone with him to certify that the bride was of sufficient age to get married witheut the consent of her parents. It may be said that the age of the bridegroom was 70, and that of the bride about 6s. SD there was no danger of the witness oct. ting into trouble. On the ear the bride groom put his hand in his pocket to t'ay beth fares, and he was so aps. trated over his approaching happiness shat he did not look to see what ba handed the conductor when. in fact he had given him a nickel and t;va, dollar gold piece. The conductor did not even look at the money. but passed to the front platform. where a cb;na man was standing. The Chinaman ianded him ten-cent piece. and tbo conductor gave him the five dollars thinking he was giving nickel ;s change. The Chinaman pocketad +ha money without saying anything Tba bridegroom made the discovery the next aay.--Portland 0regonian.
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03
HER SOUL uNBuRDENrD
A Young Brides Confession in the w..
 of the Honeymoon.

Hnnf"
 of the Honeymoon.
 Charley Wheeler and Lucille Sn,o., ett had been married nearly & ms weeks, and they had just retu,r'' from their wedding trip. They ,s.' supremely happy in each others los and the honeymoon so far had been them as one long, blissful dress Within the next day or two, howeSss the bride grew slightly depressed { spirits, and an uneasy feeling seem.s to take possession of her. The vons husband noticed the change, but ss tributed it to fatigue from the recao. travels. But his bride grew mo~ nervous and took on such troublsa expression that he said to her:
 "You have something on your nina darling, that is troubling you. TeS me what it is."
 At first she tried to persuade hin that he was mistaken; that nothir. worried her. s
 ssYou are wrong, Charley, dear" sh. would say. Really, l am not worv ing over anything. l am just as hapu, as I could be-"
 The day following, however, A. young wife wore such troubled loos that her husband said to her:
 Lucille, you must tell me what s troubling you. I will not be put off any longer. As your husband I have right to know"
 Seeing that further concealment wa, impossible, she broke down and sobbed bi rly:
 il. Charley, I am so unhappy,n she walled. "I have-deceived-you.D
 A sickening sensation swept over the young husband. Surely there must le some mistake. She, whom he had looked upon as the personifcation 0, innocent womanhood-dece him. It must not be. It would destroy hIs happiness and blight his life. And then, when he caught sudden vision of the horrible possibilities of the situ. ation, he became sick at heart and al. most fell to the floor. Then, with a great effort, he controlled his feelings
 'sTell me-" he said, 1T am prepared for the worst"
 "Oh, Charley, am so sorry"
 "You should have thought of thil before"
 "I know, 1 know, see my mistake now it's too late," she cried. "Oh, whJ didn't tell you before we were mar ried."
 "Tell me now and be quick about it 1 cannot bear this suspense"
 Then she came over and knelt at hi feet.
 "oh, Charley, you know the wheel got just a few weeks before we wer married"
 "Yes; but what has that"
 "Why, bought it-on the--install ment plan -S4 nth-and have onl paid-one installment. And I jus know the collector will be-here to morrow. Oh, Charley" she sobbed "can you ever forgive me?"-Ohio Stat Journal
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03
HIDE AND SEEK"

"E-nie, me-nie. mimic, mo-" Er-standin' up fin single row. Countin' down n back once more, Jist one shorter m twas before 'Tain't no fun ter hey ter blind. Rest CT purty hard ter find.
 On'y two lefti Count 1t slow "E-nie, me-nie, mi-nie, mo-" Bobby's left. m I am out, So he turns his-se'f erbout, Hides his face so he can't see Wher we're scamperin'. Ted m me; ''Five an ten an fifteen-say, Hurry upi Don't be all day" Makes him cross counted so, j "E-nie, me-nie, mi-nie, mo-" Weller strawstacks piled up high, Clim' on top if yer min ter try, Snuggle way in an out uv sight, Bobby'll hev ter hunt all night. Here he comes jest on ther run, Ted an me keep pokin' fun, Peekin' down an whisperin' low ''E-nie. me-nie. mi-nie, mo" speckles flies up there ter lay
 'Kut, kut. kut, ku-da-a-kut"-say, Want she scared. n how she flew, All ther hens "ku-da-a-kut," too. Bobby wonders where we're at, Shoos ol' Shanghai with his hat. Ted n me both help him crow "E-nie me-nie, mimic, mo- Walter s. Stranahan. in Chicago News.
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03
One of Cardinal MannIng,@ Bumps

The late Cardinal Manning once sat tc sculptor for his bust. During the sit, tings the sculptor discoursed on phrcn. clogy, and Manning made him point out on the head he was modelling the various bumps At last Manning asked: Where Is the organ of con. scientiousness? The sculptor walked across the room to where Manning was sitting, and, touching certain pa.t oi the cardinals cranium. said: That's where 1t ought to be."--CAieago CLroa icle.
The Mena weekly star., 1897-11-03
A GRAND WORK.
Helping Tired Mothers and Giving Rosy
 Cheeks to CbiIdreD.

Thousands of tired, nervous, worried women have found strength, health anu happiness in Hoods Sarsapariila. whler purifies their blood, strengthens tnep nerves and gives them good appei1es
 Pale and puuy children are given ros, cheeks and vigorous appetites by the grea' blood enrching qualities of Hoods Sarss parllia- It is indeed the mothers frenu and 1t may well have place in thousala' ,sp of families. Be sure to get Hoods