Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-06-25
HUMOROUS.

Ilp-l hear old Snagsby left a cool
million behind. Nip-How else could
he keep it cool
''How does it happen, Tommy, that
you have the larger apple?" "There
wasn't but one big one, Uncle
Harry"
When a man gets away from his
wife and then refers TO her as an old
hen, you can bet she rules the roost
at home.
"Do you know that your confound-
ed dog barks all night ayes, sup
pose he does. But don't worry about
him. He sleeps all right in the day
time.
''If you had half the nerve this
tooth has, said the dentist to the
quivering wretch in the chair, ''you
could have this all over in about five
seconds.
why do you hate soap SOP" asked
the inquisitiye lady. 81 don't, said
Mr.. Dismal Dawson. Il simply ig-
more it. We don't move in the same
set; that's all "
would you please help me?" said
the poor beggar to the pedestrian.
81 have a wife and five children at
home, and an instalment to pay on my
bicycle tomorrow
Sportsmau,(to Snobson, who hasn't
brought down bird all day)-Do you
know Lord Peckham? Snobson-Oh,
dear, yes; I've often shot at his house.
Sportsman-Eyer hit it?
Tn not enthusiastic about send
ing missionaries abroad. "Well, |
think We ought to send some to Scot
land to induce those unfortunate peo-
pie to get rid of their dialect
Poet-Let me tell you, sir, that
poem cost me weeks hard labor.
Editor (who has read it)-Is that all?
If I'd have had h. passing of the
sentence you'd have got a month.
At the Menagerie-First Street
Arab heard tell that camels often
has to go a week in the desert with
cut drink Second Street Arab =
No wonder they get their backs up.
"What is Bexton hustling around
so in the interest of curfew ordi-
nance for?" ellis boy saw him COM
ing out of variety theatre the other
night and went home and told about
il"
Willie-Say, paw; was old Captain
Blossom ever a pirate? Pater-NO,
Willie; he was a sportsman Willie
Well, heard him say he got away
with fourteen schooners and never got
shot.
First Deaf Mute speaking by fin
ger signs, sympathetically)-How did
you sprain your wrist? Second Deaf
Mute speaking by ditto with one
hand II was reading Scotch dialect
aloud.
Adorer latter rebuke by the old
lady)-I didn't kiss you! only pre-
tended l was going to. Why did you
call to your mother? Sweet Girl ire
pentantly)-I-I didn't know she was
in the house.
Little Willie-Maw, think / know
why there are so many cat-tails grow
ing 4 m beside that pond near the
mill. .Iamma-Why, my dear? Little
Willie-Cause so many kittens have
been drowned there.
Miss Eden-Why did they build the
walls of this reservoir so high? Mr..
Musee manager of the wax-works
show Probably to keep people from
poking their canes and umbrellas into
the water to see if it is real.
Eyes, Mildred is going to be very
economical wife. . ''How do yon
knowP' why, she consented to be
married along in the middle of the
day, just to make it unnecessary for
her husband to get a new dress suit
Mamma" asked Sammy Snaggs,
"what is meant by the spur of the
moment?' "The spur of the mo-
ment is affixed to the heel of time, -"
replied Mrs. Snaggs, sagely, "and
prompts to immediate performance.
Now go to the grocery after that
bread l told you to fetch half an hour
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