The National tribune., 1897-08-19
Pussonai Rekollekshuns OF an Army Cook.
The War Viewed from the Rear.

The War Viewed from the Rear
Tree months in de swamps OBJ de Chicken
homlny finally knocked de grim ole Kunnel
out, an he had tub 90 tuh de horsepittle.
whar big part OBJ his regiment wuz already
De aforementioned had tub spend most Oh
his time in Washington, figgerin tuh git de
Kunnel promoted tub Briggy -dear-Jinerul,
soze he could be Kunnel hisself OATS how
de flip Majah cum tub to be in command OBJ
de regiment on Pope's retreat.
1t made ebberybody troublesome tub hab
de flip Malah Mt de head. He wuz one OBJ
desc er ebberlastingly smart peart men, dat
you don't want tub trust wild so much as q
settin OBJ aigs. Mister 10 useter say dat when
de Majah wuz borned de Doctah brought him
his brains in pill-box an his voice on a hay
wagon.
1t wuz a mitey skeery sort OBJ day, any
way, Majah or no Majah. De regiment wuz
out miles in de rear, kivverin' de retreat.
OATS milingtary phrase L nebber could
understand, nohow. / know you kivver
cohn an 'taters tub make EN- grow. an
kivver yo'self in bed tub keep wahm. but !
nebber could edzackly git hit t'roo nv wool
what 20 wanted tub kivver a retreat fob
Anyway, know we loss all ouah blankets
dat time. 'Spose dey tuck 'em tub kivyer de
retreat wild.
But I'm a-gttin' often my base. De night
cum down dahk as tab, an gloomier dan
niggah funeral in de country. De thunder
wuz a-growlin', an ebberybody wuz set on
haIr-triggers. Stuarts cavalry an Stonewali
,JacksonS tigers wuz Tampagin through de
country seekin an deTourin' Yankees
Ebery time an acorn drapped we 'spected hit
meant charge, an could feel de gOOse-lesh
raise till hit wuz as thick rs de ribs on a
washboard / wuz partic5erly distressed
too, bekase Caliber 90 had broke away from
me In Gle mornln' an tOted off all our camp
kittles. So had tub bile de coffee fur de
mess in washbasin
Ebberybody laid round mitey quiet an
solemn-like, keepin' one eye on his gun an
de udder on de flip Majah Dere wuz no
iatfiD and gassin. Eben Mistuh 10 looked
like he had a bad letter from home De flip
Majah acted as if he'd seen a ghost His
face wuz pale, an stretched like drum-head.
Bimeby ebery one laid down wild deir close
on, an nigh de gun-stacks, an tried tuh 90
tub sleep But ebery time limbd fall from
de trees dey'd all be on deir feet. wild deir
guns IN der hands, an my wOOld simply
stralghten out an shove my cap Off
But de rebels didn't come, an long to-
ward midnight we all fell inter doze
Suddenly dar wuz yell and a crash. 1
Wuz wide awake at de fust breff OBJ de yell,
an shakin' as if L had de seben-year ager.
l knowed my big teef wuz smashin' my little
ones tub pieces, dey WIZ chatterin' so hard.
Out in de woods dar in front wuz de awfulest
crashn' and bangin', ez if millyuns OBJ rebel
cavalry WIZ comm straight at US.
De flip Majah he yelled:
Stand firm, Union Defenders Les die
right heah"
De Captains an Lootenants an Sarjints
dey wuz all a-hollerin':
Fall in Fall in Git inter line
Right dress Load at will ~ an SIGH
Ouah own Captain wuz de calmest OBJ de
lot. He sung out
Keep cool men ! Fall in, Right dress
Load at will, LOAD! Pay 'tention to ordehs
Don fire till yo' git ordehs! Don't fire till
yo' see somein' to shoot at ~
DE crashin an bangin' in de woods in
front OBJ US seemed to git wuss and wuss.
felt so bad [ wuz sartin I'd die afore 1 wuz
killed, if dey didn't hurry up. / looked at
de flip Majah. l fought he gwine tub bust.
He'd stand on de ground little while. hop
PIN round like hen on hot griddle, an
den he'd git on his hoSs an den Jump off
agin, as if de saddle burnt him. An ebbery
minute he'd yell
Stand firm, Union Defenders, Les die
right heah ~
Bimeby, jest as 1 wuz drawin' my last
mortal breff, de noise in front stopped 1t
wuz so quiet fur a minute dat / could heah
Sarjint Bracenoze's teef a-chatterin Den
dere cum very familiar voice from de woods
whar de noise'd been:
He-he-haw, He-he-haw ~
] reckernized Caliber Cos sweet soprano at |
once, an / says:
'Mistuh 10, dat haint no rebel cavalry |
OATS dat cussid mewel trying tub git inter
camp. I'll go out dar an break his fam
basted neck"
| WIZ so sartin dat I marched straight out
inter de dahk, and sho enuff, 1 found Caliber
SO, wild de camp-kittles an udder truck still
on him, ketched fast atween two saplins
OATS what made him hee-haw. But don't
t'ink 1 ebber got back my nacherul color
after dat night.