Connecticut western news., 1897-03-18
DOLAN AND RAFFERTY.
The Former Explains About Cuba's War
 and the Latter Protests.

The Former Explains About Cuba's War,
 and the Latter Protests.
 MT. Dolan and Mir. Rafferty had sat for some time in silence before the kitchen stove when the former remarked:
 "Talkin about foightin, Rafferty''-
 "Oi nivver said word an the subject" protested his neighbor.
 "No, but ye wor t'inkin about it. An, whoile we're an the topic, what's yer opinion av the war in Cuba?"
 "There's no use av me tellin it." was the reply in tones of discouragement. "It's changed twoice since day Defoor yesterday, m it's loikely to be altogether diffrunt agin be tomorry. Wan day Oi'm dancin , reel an singin songs av victory wid the insurgents, an the next Oi m no cheerful Ter nor a yard av crape. Yez can't tell by the reporters whether the Cuban gover'- mint is ready fur wake or a christenin. '
 "Thot's simply because yez don't under shtan the shtoile av warfare thots goin m, responded Mir. Dolan, with sage dig nifty. "What you want is a war, wid printed programmes an music an recita- tions in between, here an there, to add to the diversion. Don'tyou worry about the insurgents. 'Tain't the wans thot gets into the papers the most toimes thot's likeiiest to get the decision on be left in peaceable possession ay the purse. Thim Cubans, loike most smart people, is quoite In their tastes. They don't care fur shtoile. They go till battle in their Everyday clothes, the same as if twas work. A Spannard is diffrunt. He can't foight wid comfort unless he hoy shave, an hair cut, an a clane pair av cuffs. An whin he's been an duty very short whoile 1t takes long vacation to put i'm in con- dition ag'in. Wan av the first t'ings thot wor done whin they decoided to hoy war were to provoide thimselves wid @ trocha."
 Wan av thim things thot's good fur coughs colds, sore t'roats an hoarseness, assented his auditor knowingly.
 "Rafferty, tie weight an yer intilli- gence. If ye don't, it'll fly away wid ye. A trocha is shtructure av brickbats, an old bar'ls, an ashes, an tymaty cans, an anything else thot happens to be handy to make the divoidin loine bechune the two armies. Now, the first thing he knows, Gineral Weller gifts notice from the Span ish gover'mint that he's h'ble to lose is job If he don't win victory. Thin Woi- Ter gifts vexed an says, discouraged loike: Murtherin Moike! More work What do thim people want fur their money?' ''
 "How much does he get?"
 "Oh, dunno, exackly. But Oi don't doubt thot a good gineral thot knows lis business kin hoy shteady work at eight or tin dollars day.'
 "Be the powers it's fine thradel"
 "Thin he goes out wid is army. As soon as they see i'm comin the insurgents get over an their own soide av the trocha, not havin any r asons fur takin risks ag'in superior numbers. Thin the Spannards shteps first wan fut an thin the other over the trocha, an thin they say, 'Hooroo yez Cuban spalpeensp only not very loud, an in minute they're boick an the way to town as fasht as the horses Il take 'cIn The nixt thing the Spannards do is to pre- pare fur the cilibration av the victory. An, whoile they re singin songs an tellin shto- ries an passin a dhrop now an thin, along comes the Cubans, who wor watchin 'eln all the toime, moind yeZ, an takes posses sion av any troops an provisions an am intuition they kin lay their hans on. An the Spannards is thot busy merrymakin an pinnin medals an one another thot they niver know what happened till next day"
 "An the Cubans done thot," said Raffer- ty, "whoile the inimy wor takin their re- taxation in the aveninP'
 "To be sure"
 "Dolan, it s wrong. We ought to sind em a committee. !"
 "But all 8 fair in war;
 "Oi don't care. It's case fur walkin delegate. Itamounts to the same ting as workin overtoime, an it sets a dangerous example. "-Washington Star.