The free press., 1897-03-18
JokER'S BUDGET.
tests and Yarns by Funny Men OF the
Press.

pierced?
She-No; but 1 have often had them
bored.
HINT NOT TAKEN
She-What beautiful day for drive
He-Yes. it's too bad your father hasn't
a horse.
BLACK AS INDIGO.
(lara-I suppose the brightest moment
in your life was when Jack proposed?
Cora-Brightest There wasn't par
ticle of light in the room!
HER LUMINOUS SOUL.
"She is a lovely woman"
Wovely2 She's soulful. man-soulful.
Why her soul is so strong it shines through
her glass eye"
HIS IIANDIwoRK.
She What charming teeth Mrs High
sea has!
He-You flatter me, madam.
She-Oh, pardon, you are her husband!
He Oh, no, only her dentist.
TREE BATHS.
Weary Watkins-Wot you think OF this
scheme of free baths?
Hungry Higgins They won't git none
from me- No man is goin' to git me to
bathe without payin' me fer it.
AUDIENCE SUPPLIED THE EGGS.
The Villain We made a bad mistake
last night. In the barnyard scene we for
got the eggs.
The Comedian-Yes, but the audience
didn't
HE THOUGHT 1T WASN'T.
Papa = Isn't Johnny's new knife sharp?
Mama i think it is. Why?
Papa He hasn't cut himself yet
A LIGHT WEIGHT, SURE.
II see that fellow Dawson got out his
new patent kites the other day, and person.
ally was taken up into the air sixty feet
by them. He must be crazy"
mot crazy but certainly very light
weight"
DECIDED ADVANTAGE.
Riggs-Halo, old man
Briggs-Excuse me, sir you have the
advantage of me.
"Yes; | guess | have. We were en-.
gagged to the same girl but you married
her,"
SURPRISING.
Praxiteles You perhaps wouldn't think
it, but De Founder, the musician over
there, plays entirely by ear.
Fiacrc = Is it possible? Is that what
makes EN- so larger
DREW THE LINE ON CHINKs.
Tourist suppose you have the Aus
tralian vote here
Drawbead Dick-I guess not, stranger;
hain't seen none around. We've got a
couple of Cinnamon here but we wouldn't
let them cusses vote nohow.
GLAD TO LOSE HER.
Ruth-She is to be married next month
and she will live abroad.
May-It will be hard for her parents to
lose her.
Ruth-Ohl / don't know. They've
been trying hard to lose her for the last
ten years.
A LIGHT TOUCH.
As she gazed into the mirror her face
blanched.
luuctu, lOl d HlSu IOiti, lHC uCW COli-
plexion enamel seemed a profound sue
cess.
WIEN ROME BURNED.
"Say," observed the shade of Agamem-
non, inquiringly "while you were playing
OIL that fiddle what were the rest of the
people doing?"
'rhey?" The shade of Nero smiled
"Oh, they were playing on the flames.
ure !"
ONLY ONE VOICE BETWEEN THEM.
''Then." said Mr. Watts, descr bing the
church entertainment to his wife, who
had been too ill TO 60 ''the Jones girls
got up and sang a solo"
"a solo?" asked Mrs. Watts "How
could two persons sing solo I"
They only had half voice apiece"
HE CUT NO ICE.
81 can get you job at cutting ice, if
you want it," said the member of the AS
socation for Extending Assistance to the
Worthy Poor.
I'm much obliged" said Perry Patetic
'.but seein' as how | don't cut no ice
socially, | guess | might jist as well keep
it up along other lines and not bust me
reputation"
swEETLY AMBIGUOUS.
Mr.. Fosdick And how is the lovely
Miss Wilberforce? Is she as pretty as
ever?
Miss Tenspot (sweetly and ambiguous
ly).-Oh, yes Mr.. Fosdick. Miss Will
berforce is quite as handsome as she ever
was.
'AND THE CAT CAME BACK"
The kindly old gentleman had been
telling them story, but the bad boy,
after the manner of his kind, had not
been particularly attentive.
''And after many years." said the kind
ly old gentleman, "Enoch Arden returned
to his home"
"Oho !" exclaimed the bad boy, sud
denly waking up to the fact that some
thing came back II never knew the
name of that cat before"
HIS DREADFUL REVENGE.