The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1897-08-25

~~~~~c~~~-~
81 wonder what kind Of a fish il isT'
Gee, I'll bet It's corkerr-Puck.
WiHy-Say, pa. what's a floating
debtI Pa-our yacht, my son.-Chlcago /
News.
''The only trouble with my profess
sion," said an ex-convict, sis that II Is /
apt to be rather combining one. "-Ba-
zar.
She-Why do they call the State peni-
Tertiary Sing Sing? He-Because Of the
jail birds therein, l guess-Cornell
Widow.
Hewitt-How did you queer yourself
with that French girl? Jewitt-I asked
her to dance the german with me-
Judge.
Governess- a thing to
keep back water. Young pupil-When
papa says 1t, mamma always cries.
London Sketch.
The father-What proof have you
that you can support my daughter? The
aspirant-Hayen't 1 been engaged TO
her for over a year Puck.
Borrowing Is a disease" said Big
bee, in elf-justification. And lending
s insanity" replied Small, significantly.
Philadelphia North American.
"why, Julia, how the waist of your
frock smells of tar Eyes. mamma;
poor Mr.. Ratlines OF the Naval Re
serves has been bidding me good-by
again. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Ella-where was It George proposed
to you last week? Essie-At hop. Ella
And you accepted him? Essie-At a
jump.-New Orleans Tines-Democrat.
81 see that glass bricks are coming
/ into general USE" said the popular sell
ence boarder. They won't invade the
gold-brick field" said the cheerful idiot;
they are too easily seen through. -
indianapolis Journal.
Haven't told you asked the faith
er, ito always tell the TRUTH Yes,
you told me that" the young man ad-
mitted, "and at another time you told
me never TO become the slave of hab-
II. "-Washington Star.
Harty-Good many years since we've
seen each other, Jack; remember how
we used to live from hand to mouth IL
: college? Jack-Yes, that's still the CASE
with me. Harty-How so: Jaek-I II
A dentist.-Boston Courier.
He Wondering If that Williams hai
ever been acceptedJ-Are both you
rings heirlooms? She (concealing tn
hand)-Oh, dear, yes. One has been il
the family since the time of Alfred
but the other is newer and (blushing
only dates from the conquest.-Harlen
! Life.
my wife" said the tall, lantern-jawe
! man, us as wonanly a woman a. yo
| could find; but she can hammer nail
ike lightning" ''Wonderful!' sang tn
chorus. ~Lightning," the tall, Lantern
/ Iawed man continued, seldom strike
! twice in the same place."-Cincinna
! Enquirer.
! "What excuse, If it were possible
} nave any excuse for such conduct, hay
!, you for beating your wife?' asked Il
) Judge. "She flung 1t in my face that
) didn't care rap for her." pleaded Il
!, prisoner, land l just gave her one
3 show her her error. "-Indianapol
3 Journal.
y q Teacher (of juvenile class)-Johnni
4 what was the first thing the Purital
3 lid when they landed at Plymout
q Rock? Johnnie-They fell upon the
Z knees. Teacher-That's right, Johnni
y Now, Tommy, what was the next THU
: they did? Tommy-Fell upon the abe
lglnes. Chicago News.
Mrs. Young-I dreamt last night tn
mother was coming to stay with me I
month. Mr.. Young-Ah! dear n
ireams always go by contraries. Nj
Young-And l also dreamt that y
said / couldn't have a new dress. n
Young-H'm. funny, isn't 1t, how tr
some dreams come Pick-Me-Up.
Chat" exclaimed the Spanish gen
ii, as he mopped the perspiration frt
his brow, "is one of the narrow'
escapes | have had for some tim
what Is the matter?' inquired his
See this typewriter pager | said
iictation that | was seeking light, a
he amanuensis got it seeking fight
Washington Star.
my fortune is made! he cried.
will be rich beyond the widest drea
Of avarice. | shall start for the Kf
I like tomorrow. My chemistry Will
nv salvation How so; have you
covered compound that will aid III
l detection of gold deposits!' NO
have invented yeast that will nj
i six loaves of bread from the flour orr
I arily required for one. "-Up-to-Date
Widower-I say, my dear friend, b
Won ever been here before? Burgli
Nno. sir. Widower-Well, would
4 mind coming around quite often
once or twice week-and &C
l through my trousers, just as you are
u ing now? You don't know how M
. you remind me of my dear depal
Nc wife, Angeline. 1t seems almost a
W. she We're alive again. Goodnight,
friend-God HESS you!-Judge.