People's party paper. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1891-1898, 1897-08-06
THE OLD HUMORTSTS.
BOB BURDETTE AND THE CHURCH
GOING BRAKEMAN.

The Episcopal Limited Express, the Broad
Gauge UniversaIists, the Marrow Gauge
Presbyterians, the Methodist Revival
Train and the Baptist River Road.
On the road once more, with Lebanon
fading away in the distance, the fat
passenger drumming idly on the win
dow pane, the cross passenger sound
asleep and the tall, thin passenger read
ing General Grants Tour Around the
World" and wondering why "Green g
August Flower" should be printed
above the doors of "a Buddhist Temple
at Benares :" To me comes the brake
man and, seating himself on the arm of
the seat. says:
81 went to church yesterday"
yes" said, with that interested
infection that asks for more. "And
what church did you attend?"
(Which do you guess?" he asked.
"Some Union mission school," haz-
arded.
Nav" be said, "I don't like to run
on those branch roads very much. I
uOl O1bCu RO W SnuAOIl3 dQQ w l1Oh 4 w
want to run on the main line, where
your run is regular and on schedule
time and you don't have to wait on con-
nections. l don't like to run on q
branch. Good enough, but I don't like
it,"
"Episcopal?' 1 guessed.
Limited express" he said. "All
Io1o ooro ov,J avfT.o f,,1 coo%.
time and only stop at big stations. Nice
line, but too exhaustive for brakeman.
All train men in uniform, conductor g
punch and lantern silver plated and no
train boys allowed. Then the passengers
are allowed to talk back to the con-
duotor, and it makes them too free and
easy. No, couldn't stand the palace
cars, Rich road, though. Don't often
hear Of a receiver being appointed for
that line, Some mighty nice people
travel on it too.
"Universalistg" I suggested.
Broad gauge" said the brakeman.
docs too much complimentary bust
ness, Everybody travels ON a pass.
Conductor doesn't get a fare once In so
miles, Stop at all flag stations and
WON'T run into anything but Union
depot No smoking car ON the train.
Train orders are rather vague, though,
and the trainmen don't get along we'll
with the passengers No, I don't so 60
the UniveEsalist, though know some
awfully good men who run on that
road"
''Preshyteriang' / asked.
Marrow gauge. emf" said the brake
man. pretty track, straight IS rules
tunnel right through a mountain rather
than so round it; spirit level grades
passengers have to show their ticket be-
fore they get on the train. Mighty strict
road, but the cars are little narrow:
have TO sit one in q seat and no room in
the aisles TO dance, Then there is no
stop over tickets allowed; got TO go
straight through to the station you're
ticketed for or you can't get on at all.
When the cars full, no extra coaches;
cars built at the shops to hold just SO
many. and nobody else allowed on But
you don't often hear Of any accident on
that road. It's run right up to the
rules ="
Maybe you joined the Free Think
ers?'' I said.
Scrub road" said the brakeman.
"Dirt roadbed and no ballast; no time
card and no train dispatcher. All trains
run wild, and every engineer makes his
own time, just as be pleases. Smoke if
you want to; kind of go as you please
road. Too many side tracks, and every
switch wide open all the time, with the
gwitehman sound asleep and the target
lamp dead out. Get on as you please
and get of when you want to. Don't
have to show your tickets, and the con-
ductor isn't expected to do anything but
amuse the passengers. No, sir; / was