davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23
- s,-l.s- -ssse--s.<
WHO WON?
BY George Ade.

T'S another dull evening"" said the
lightning dentist. TOO cool
Tor sitting outside, and yet not cool
enough TO have good head Of steam or.
don't know what to do these evenings.
] started in TO read last evening, but it
hurts my eyes to read by gas light"
Lets go to some the-ay-ter," said the
veterinary student. who was becoming
well acquainted with the members of
the Alfalfa hotel colony. Il saw
blamed good show down street here the
other night for 50 cents"
''The theater has very few attractions
for me any more" said Doc" Horne,
shaking his head. 1T seems to me il
is given over to frivolity and trash.
ii could see an occasional perform
ance of an old comedy or good Shake
spedrean production, | wouldn't mind
going. Nowadays, however, every
company consists of star surrounded
by lot of inferior actors When | was
with Mr.. Childs in Philadelphia we used
to have some beautiful performance by
The Old stock company, and l have al
ways claimed that any member of that
company could give points on acting to
one of the stars of the present time
yes, sir"
What Childs was that?" asked the
dentist.
My dear sir, there was but one
thilds-George William Chids.'
what were you doing with him?"
l did his dramatic criticisms for
snort time. 1t was very pleasant en-
pioyment, too, but | had more lucra~
tive position offered me in New York,
and | accepted. All, those were tie
aays OF the drama. We don't have
actors and actresses nowadays to COM
pare with the elder Booth, Warren.
ieehter, Wallack, Laura Keene, Mrs.
Drew and some of those old-timers.'
I'll tell you what we can do" said the
ireekled boy, who had not been sut1i-
Gently interested in Docs" remarks
On the drama. I'VE can so up to my
room and have nice, quiet, little game
Of poker"
I'll go you if you make it easy" said
the dentist.
eentlemen, you are not going to
afaw me into any gambling game, are
you! asked "Doc,' with a wink at the
oentist Il haven't handled the cards
out two or three times since the old
aays On the Missi<sippi-you must re-
member that IL 80,
me some information about the game
90 can brush up, may
Come off," exclaimed the freckled
ooy. You could write a book about
eae game of poker. Don't give US any
OF that con talk"
Doc" laughed heartily.
don't know about this poker game -
saio the veterinary surgeon in the eau
uous manner of one who seemed to
nave suspicion that his new acquaint-
ahees were bunko men.
'oh, that's all right" said the den
'is'. Well play an easy game-penny
ane' 1ou can't lose anything at that"
/ lost seventeen one night" said the
veterinary student.
oh' you've played this game, have
sou' thought you didn't know any
thing about it."
Well, that was one of the few times
ever played"
II You have played the game don't
VI ashamed OF it," said Doc" Horne.
= mas ruined great many good men,
oi course, but think of the number of
soahg fellows it has started in business.
ae only request | would make is that
sae limit be small. / insist on q ten
ss-s unit This is game among
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23

How fashions change" remarked
the fluent barber. Time was when the
hairdresser was also good blood let
ter"
But" replied the occupant of the
chair of torture, as he raised his hand
to check the crimson tide, Il don't see
that fashion has greatly changed."-
Boston Transcript.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23
Acquitted by the Judge.

"Ignorunce OF the law excuses no
man." said the court. sternly.
"And you just said,'' replied the pris-
oner, that [ was no man or | would
never have struck woman"
Being a logician as well as iurist,
the judge reasoned instantaneously
from the premises to the conclusion,
and suspended sentence.-Detroit Free
Press
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23

Nose Yallerton-I think youh sistah
am very chic.
Melinda Mokeby (angrily)-D yoh
mean TO 'sinuate dat she looks like q
hen Puck.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23
BENTON, LOUISIANA THURSDAY, DECEMBER %, 1897

if:ends' and we are playing for enter
talnment and not for money"
'Oh, nobody ever plays for money"
salo the veterinary student, quietly.
doc began to suspect that their new
acquaintance had more knowledoe of
poker than he was ready to have Others
suspect.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23
Experientia Docet.

SingIeton-What is the effect of eat
ing homemade bread?
Benedict - Home made desolate.-
Brooklya Life,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23

Few people know what not to say
Washington Democrat.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1897-12-23

Sir Morell Mackenzie's medical IL
brary is to be sold at auction in Lon
don.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
A Waiter Of Interest to travellers.

Tourists, emigrants and mariners find
that Hostetter's Stomach Bitters is q
medicinal safeguard against unhealthful
Influences, upon which they can implicitly
rely, since it prevents the effects that an
unhealthy climate, vltiated atmosphere
unaccustomed or unwholesome diet, bad
water, or other conditions unfavorable to
health, would otherwise produce. On
long voyages or journeys by land in lati
tudes adjacent to the equator, it is es-
peoially useful as preventive of the
febrile complaints and disorders of the
stomach, liver and bowels, which are apt
to attack natives of the temperate zones
sojourning or travelling IN such regions,
and is an excellent protection against the
influence of extreme cold, sudden changes
of temperature, exposure to damp or ex-
treme fatigue. 1t not only prevents in
termittent or remittent fever, and other
diseases of malarial type, but eradicates
them, fact which has been notorious
for years past in North and South Ameri-
ca, Mexico, the West Indies, Australia and
other countries.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
EAST BOUND

Connections with main line and
branches as follows:
AT Antonito for Durango, Silverton
and all points in the San Juan country.
AT Alamosa for Jimtown, Creede, Del
Norte, Monte Vista and all points in the
San Luis valley.
At Salida with main line for all points
east and west, including Leadville.
AZ Florence with r. 4 O. @. B. R. for
tho gold camps Of Cripple Greek and
Victor.
AtFasblo, Colorado Springs and Den
yer with all Missouri river lines for all
points east.
Through passengers from Santa Fe will
Rave reserved berths in sleeper from
Alamosa II desired.
For further information address the
undersigned.
T. J. HELM, General Agent,
Santa 70, N. NJ
AK. Hoopll, q. r. 4.
Denver, Colo.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
TANTALUS WAS OUTDONE.
When Scraggs Was Asked to Drink, He
Found That He Couldn't Move.


He was known to the community as Ole
Man Scraggs and was noted for the amount
Of work he did not do. The village hotel
was his fnyorite loaing place, for the rea
son, perhaps, that it was here that tho
man who lavishly asks everybody to CONS
up and have drink is most frequently
encountered. His wife had expostulated
with him and tried to make him sign the
pledge, but without avail. He had not
even the virtue of Rip Van Wrinkle Ho
would not go so far as to promise. In
spot on the porch where tho sun filtered
through some vines just enough to make
tho temperature high enough for comforta-
BILE slumber he was doing the afternoon
away with tho small of his back in the
seat of his chair His pose was that of
beatific Incidence.
Hello, Scraggs!' said drummer who
frequently visited tho town. "Have u
drinkY'
He lunged forward from the chair and
stopped with violent jerk. An express
sion of dismay came over his face He
tugged with all his might at his right
foot, but it did not bulge.
Help! Help!' he yelled. "Send for
the doctor! I'm parGlyzedr'
What's the matter?' asked the drum
mer. g Is your foot asleeps''
"That foot can't go to Sleep he an
swered as he looked wildly around. cts
made of wood. I've got wooden leg, but
this is the first time in my life it ever
refused to walk when anybody said
| liquor "
The landlord appeared at the door and
| al i,,I =, oh tan
here? Somebody having delirium trem-
| ensf''
"Idon't know " answered the drummer
Whatever it is, it's something serious.
l just asked Scraggsy to come in and have
a drink, and he can't get to the barroom."
The landlords countenance assumed a
broad grin. Your wife was hero about
20 minutes ago, he remarked
whats she done?" inquired Scraggs.
| "Put conjuring trick on me?"
no; she looked you over and took a ten
| penny nail out of her pocket and q Ratchet
| from under her arm. IN fix him., says
She. He don t ever come home, and I'll
give him some excuse for staying here all
the time, as he seems to like the place so
welln Just then II customer called me
inside, but heard her hammcring away
for dear life."
BY glory" Scraggs calculated as he
got down on his available knee to inspect
tho reluctant foot more closely. "Im
spiked to the spot. She's gone and drove
a chunk of iron right through one of the
finest feet that ever came out of the shop.
It's u wicked piece of vandalism, that S
what it is. Go inside fellers, and don't
wait for me. Leave inc out in the cold
world, the victim of IA woman's perfidy."
Them as a new thought struck him, he
exclaimed:
She didn't go down stairs, did she?"
mo"
"That's one comfort She didn't clinch
it Oh the other side, anyhow Go on in
side" he repeated, waving his hand trag
ically, "and leave me to work out my own
freedom All ask is that you'll send me
chisel and Il hammer, and mebbe, in this
course of time, if the invitation holds
good, I'll drag my splintered remains in
and drown some of my sorrow in the
flowing bowl. detroit Free Press.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
FELLOW TRAVELLERS.
Gen'l Pass. Agent, Denver, Colo.

I fain would have thee stay, old year.
For, oh, my heart is sore!
This night we say farewell, old year,
Farewell forever morc
How can let thee pass, old year,
The threshold of my door?
For when thou farest forth, old year,
Thou wilt not go alone,
But only ! shall see, old year,
Upon the threshold stone
The footprints in the snow, old year,
Trod deep beside thine own!
There's one that journeys forth, old year,
With thee across the snow,
: That hand in hand with thee, old year,
Out at my door will go,
But only shall know, old year,
But only I shall know!
And new years SHOWS will fall, old year,
And drift my threshold DER,
And new years suns will rise, old year,
And shine upon my floor.
The feet that pass this night, old year,
Go forth for evermore
Mary A. M. Marks in Temple Bar.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
He Obeyed Orders.

Then young Mr.. Tadley's wheel sudden
ly went manageable and in flash he
was skimming down the incline ut 80
miles an hour.
"Hould on, there-hould on" screamed
the fat policeman.
Two seconds later young Mr. Tadley,
with his legs thrust through the wire
spokes, raised his head froom the pave
ment and groaned heavily.
IL artist yez!' cried the fat policeman.
Pwhy didn't yez sthop, yez shpalpeenP
Didn't l tell yez to hould on?"
"Well, did" moaned young Mr. Tad
ley, "till / went over. Then how could II"
Which would have seemed reasonable
enough to anybody but fat policeman. -
New York World.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17

woman would gain flesh; the stout one
would lose ii. This is why DIR. Piercc's
Golden Medical Discovery builds up
strength in both stout and thin people.
1t empowers the matchmaking organs
to supply fresh red, highly vitalized blood
which builds up solid, healthy flesh to
the normal standard, but above that point
reduces and carries away fabby fat It
brings you into condition." inparts
nerve force and stamina; rounds out
sunken faces and meagre forms; sinoothes
away wrinkles; puts color in the checks
and sparkle in the eyes. Its nutritive
properties far exceed those of any malt
extract or vile emulsion"
Dr. Pierces Common Sense Medical Ad-
wiser is the most popular medical work i'll
the English language. 1t contains thou
sand and eight-pages, and over three hun
dred illustrations. IT is great store house
of valuable information. A copy strongly
paper bound will be sent free on receipt Of
81 cents in one-cent stamps to pay the cost
of mailing 0nlV. Address, Worlds Dis
pensary Medical Association, Buffalo, n Y.
If handsome cloth bound stamped bind
ing is perferred, send ten cents extra (Sr
cents in alD to pay extra cost of this hand
some and better binding.
Stomach and liver trouble with slug
gish action of the bowels is overcome
speedily and permanently by DR.. Pierce's
Pleasant Pellets.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
West Bound
Read Down
CHICAGO & CALIFORNIA LINE.

Train No. l westbound, carries through
Pullman and tourist sleepers to Los An
gees and San Francisco.
No. eastbound, carries same equip
ment to Kansas City and Chicago.
No. and are limited trains and stop
only at principal stations.
No. % eastbound, is a local train, stops
at all stations, carries through sleepers
FL Paso to Kansas City; chair oars Ell
Paso to Denver, via D. & R. G. r. R. and
Trinidad through without change.
No. 81 westbound is local train, car
ries through sleepers to Ell Paso, connect-
ing with trains for Mexico.
For information, time tables and litera-
ture pertaining to the Santa Fe Route,
call on or address,
h. 8. LUTz, Agent, Santa Fe.
w. J. BLACK, q. p. A., Topeka.
City Ticket Office, First National Bank
Building.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
santa Fe Route Reduced Rates.

Reduced rates have been authorized for
the following national meetings which
will take place during the summer:
The National Educational association
at Milwaukee. Wis, July to 8.
The Epworth league at Toronto, Ont,
July Is to Is.
The National encampmept of the Grand
Army of the Republic at Buffalo, N. y,
August "a to 81.
And the Christian Endeavor convention
at San Francisco in July.
The rate for the convention at San Fran
CISCO will probably be $15 from Santa
Fe, one way, returning the same, making
a round trip rate to San Francisco of
$50.
For further particulars in regard to the
above meetings, call on the agents of the
Santa Fe route, or the undersigned.
H. q. LuIz, Agent,
W. j. BLACK, g. p. A. Santa Fe, N M.
Topeka, Kas.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
The Colorado Midland Ras,road

Reaches the grandest scenery in the
world, Ute Pass, Pixies Peak, Hagerman
Pass and He'll Gate; many beautiful sum-
mer resorts; the most famous mining
camps, Cripple Greek, Leadvllle, Victor
and Aspen. 1t is the short and direct
route to the fruit lands of the Grand val
ley, the Great Salt Lake and the "Golden
Gate" Through Pullman sleepers and
.hair cars on all trains.
W. F. BAILEY,
Gen1 Pass. Agent, Denver, Colo.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Reduced Rates.

The Santa Fe Route now offers the
following low rates to points on or
reached via their lines: City of Mexico,
$67.70 for the round trip, tickets good
for return passage, nine month; to San
Diego and Los Angeles. $500; to San
Francisco, $6680 good for return passage
6 month; to Phoenix, Ariz, $46.25, limit
month; Las Vegas Hot Springs, $500,
limited 80 days. Call on agents for parti-
culars.
W. y. BLACK, g. PA. Fss
Topeka, Kas,
b. LUTTE, AoxNr,
Santa Fe, N. M.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Home Chat.

Mr.. Ferry-Hero is a story about wo-
man horsewhipping another woman she
found in an ice cream saloon with her hus-
band. just like a woman! Why didn't she
whip the man?
Mrs. Ferry-Why didn't she whip tho
man? If some one were to steal your dog,
for instance, would you beat the dog?
Mr.. Ferry-Huh !-Cincinnat Enquirer
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17

the benefit of others and never tires of
his zeal. There are plenty of men weak
and worn out, struggling with remorse
and fear, the natural outcome of habits
that brought incapacity; a sense Of lone
someness and feeling as if the best side
Of life had been bsnished forever. Such
men should write to Thomas Slater, Box
sos, Kalamazoo, Mich. He will send free
by mail, in plain scaled envelope foil
particulars about the method he used,
and this will enable any man to get a
complete cure at home. 1t is the method
that Mr.. Slater used to cure himself Of
the troubles that sap the strength and
vigor and also enlarged his organs TO
natural size. The cure was so complete,
SO satisfying and suoh a wonderful change
from his former condition that he will
gladly tell others all about IL, sending all
particulars. He figures that he doesn't
know Of better way to show his appre-
citation Of his own cure and the suRerings
OF others. There must be generous men
In this world TO OF set the tide Of avarice.
Write to Mr.. Elater-it will cost nothing
for his description and method.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
GIVES STRENGTH TO MEN,
Free to All Who Are Weak and Worn.
A METHOD TO CURE AND IN
CREASE THE POWER.

Il is reasonable fact that man never
appreciates the sufferings of others until
he himself, has passed through the fire of
pain or remorse. Then it is that he looks
around for those who are suffering; he
wants them to profit by his experience;
he gives his time and money gladly for
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
"WiIl Pay to Travel Via the Burling.
ton KOute."

CHEAP ONE-WAY RATES.
The Burlington route will have on sale
at points named below, June 80 and 30,
also July l, 2 and 3, to Denver, Colorado
Springs or Pueblo, from
Chicago ................. ... ,$l2.50
st. Louis NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. 10 so
Omaha, st. Joe or Kansas City,. 800
For those desiring to go east will sell
on the following dates, July -, ID, IA, Is,
16, II, 10, %, 26, 20 and August 2, and
8.
From Denver, Colorado Springs and
Pueblo to Chicago. .......... $500
St, Louis 12 SO
Omaha, st. Joseph or Kansas City. 10 90
For further information call upon your
nearest ticket agent, or address the un-
dersigned. GEO. W. VALLERY,
General Agent
1889 Seventeenth st., Denver, Colo.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Polite Lunatic.

A st. Louis jury which acquitted a
man charged with murder on the reg
ulation ground Of insanity were some
what surprised when he rose to his feet
and said, Gentlemen of the jury, !
want to thank you for your verdict. -
Philadelphia Ledger.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Her VOlubiIity.

Mabel (studying her on)-Papa,
what is the definition of volubilitys
Mabel's Father-My child, volubility is
disting uishing feature of your mother
when, on account of urgent business
affairs, don't happen to reach home
until after O'Clock in the morning
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Giving Away a Secret.

Rivers, how can you always afford
to smoke SO much better cigars than !
do?''
Because I always beg my matches.
Give me a match, Brooks. Chicago
Tribune,
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Modern Mending.

Mrs. Commensurate (soberly) Are you
sure Your fiancee will make good home
body, Eli? Do you think she knows any
thing abopt mending, for instance?
Cholly Commonstalk-Abou mending,
mother? Why, that ia her very strongest
point. 1 saw her mend busted tire once
in just fourteen minutes by the watch.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
The Birth of q SANDER,

Aunt-Why did you stare at that gen
tleman SO rudely, Ethel?
Little Ethel---Oh he's a drefful man.
He never goes to church or nothing. l
heard father say he was an acrostic. Judy
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Early Exports Of Cheese.

The first exports Of cheese from the
United States are believed to have been
made about 1896, when Harry Burrell Of
Herkimer county, N Y, opened a reg
ular cheese trade with England.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
A Blessing In Disguise.

II know" Mr.. Meekton remarked to an
intimate friend, "that some people say
Mrs. Meekton wears the-er--the panta-
looms, you know, but it isn't true. y
''I'm glad to hear it. -
'Do you know" Mr.. Meekton went on,
with a PARKWAY look in his eyes, IL kind
of wish she would wear 'em once in
awhile? Then maybe | ID get the suspender
buttons sewed On oftener. Washington
Star
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17

Hoiack-Was it muscular rheum atism
you hadP
Tomdik-Yes; very. 1t threw me on
my back and kept me from getting up
for a month.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17

Wlfe-Dear, the doctor says it is
necessary for me 90 take @ trip across
the water. What do you think l would
better doP
Husbaud-Get another doctor.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
He Did Have EN-.

"He has Wheels" she said.
Her companion laughed uproariously,
and the man referred to looked daggers at
each Of the throng.
And yet there was little reason for the
bicycle dealers ire. He did have wheels.
New York World.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17

She - How distract Mr.. Tanqueville
seems since his return from Paris!
He-Yes, very absinth minded. New
York Press
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
What NAV HaDDen,

/ suppose if a man held royal flush in
poker game he would make big
winnings
He might not win anything, He might
die of heart disease.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17

~ can hold a grown
" man III air with
one hand. Wo-
men generally do not
care TO be athletic TO
such a degree, but most
women desire physi-
cal strength, power
and energy,
Too thin women and
over-stout women, arc
both tout OF condi..
tom" they both lack
the best sort of pllysi-
cal development. If
ltheir digestive and as.
sinlilative functions
were perfect, the thin
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-06-17
Holds the world'slrecord for
long distance fast running.

Write for information about the Burling-
TOMS excursion rates to Eastern cities in
effect during the summer holidays.
Write also for particulars of special ar
engagements offered by the Burlington Route
for the N. L. A. meeting in Milwaukee, July
9th to 9th--just about half rate for the round
trip.
The Burlington is the shortest and best line
to all points east-Omaha, Kansas City
Peoria, Chicago, st. Louis. Reclining chair
cars (seats free) superb sleepers ala carte
dinners-you pay only for what You order.
Tickets and time-t tables at all D. & R. G.
and Col. Mid. ticket offices or by addressing
c. w vALLERY, General Agent,
1899 18th Street, Denver, Col.