The copper country evening news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 18??-1907, 1897-01-29
FUN WHILE WAITING.
A MYSTERIOUS FAT GERMAN ~ A
NEW YORK FARMHOUSE.
He Seemed 20 BE sleepy, Yet He Provides
EnserrAinm~Ar For Those Present Uni>
the poss Arrived. and Then He wSTN
Aboard and Disappeared.


Aboard and Disappeared.
He was q fat German. He looked n
IL he might be prosperous saloon kee =
OF. He signalized his entrance into Z .
Cortlandt Street ferry house by sor ~
of loud meows which sounded so natural
that the half hundred people who were
waiting for the boat looked around for
the cats. The fat man was under the
weather. He strolled over 10 the steam
radiator in the center of the room, and
in a couple of minutes voices were
heard. First they were in the northeast
corner of the room up near the ceiling.
Some one MP there seemed 10 be carrying
on an animated conversation with him
self. 1t was plain that the some one was
a German.
"Chakey," said the voice. "vod your
wife will say do you alretty. ha? You
voz one tam fool k'vick yet "
The women in the ferryhouse began to
look nervous They gazed at the ceiling
at the spot from where the voice SEEM
ed to come The men were looking there
too. The fat German stood by the radi-
ator, his head over his breast, and SEEM
ed TO be sound asleep.
"Fire Fire Firer' cried a voice in
the southwest corner.
Everybody jumped up. The women
grabbed the arms Of their escorts. The
fat German still slept, and the voice
sounded again, this time seemingly from
the platform of an automatic weighing
machine.
''Chakey, you vos prute! Vod for
you wand der ladies do SCARE yod? i
bunch your nose alretty."
This was somewhat reassuripg. Ev-
erybody seemed to realize at the same
instant that there was a ventriloquist
with big range of voice around some
where, and everybody looked at the
German. he seemed still to be asleep.
But in a moment he moved uneasily.
Then he lifted the ragged stump of
cigar he had in his hand, opened his
eyes sleepily and put the stump into
his mouth. Some fire was left in the
cigar stump, but he didn't seem to no.
tice it. He munched ON the butt as if it
were a sweet morsel. Everybody was
watching him. He chewed perhaps a
minute. Then he swallowed the stump
and the next instant pulled new cigar
out of his ear, bit off the end and light
ed it.
II no puy cigars, he said. 81 maig
dem.
The crowd was nightly interested
and gathe" d close around. He didn't
seem to Ike that, and he snorted:
"Vod you dink, you vools beoble?
Gauze / maig n cigar you dink vos
WOOL / uImaig i'd" Saying which he
put the fresh cigar, lighted us it was,
back into his ear. He seemed TO shove
it out Of sight and calmly took from his
other ear the ragged butt that he had
Sut moment before chewed up and
swallowed. He pulled on it. 1t was still
lighted. One of his eyelds began
twitchiDg.
my lug vos gone" he said. 81 haff
nails in my head ven vools loog ad me.
With the tips of his fingers he lifted
the twitching lid and pulled cut "a five
inch iron spike, like those used TO fasten
down steel rails.
Il yos durn do one BEIGE off iron al
retty if you boobies dond ka'vit, 3" he
snorted, and he pulled another spike
from the other eye. At the same instant
the ragged butt disappeared. and in its
place was another fresh cigar. He lit
that. Next he pulled couple of yards
Of muslin out of his mouth and wiped
his eyes, after which he put back the
spikes. He seemed to drive them right
into the ball of either eye. The women
were shocked and turned away. He
pulled whisky glass from his pocket,
bit pieces out of it and chewed them
with relish.
"Chentlemens, he said, II VOC 'un-
cry. Cand you hellub me?"
Thought it was a fake like that,
said two or three Of the men in the
crowd.
"Well, it's a cold day when he gets
any of my money" said two or three
others.
Money" growled the fat German.
"You dink I am lige you WOOL boobies
vod cad mead mid. ! voz nod. cad
baber; dod voz cheaber. Will somepoddy
helb boor man do biece off baber?
Ziff me dod," he said, snatching an
evening paper from the hands of one of
the men. He tore two pages from it, and
beginning ON the corner of one he stuffed
it into his mouth and ate it, At least it
disappeared. Then he tackled the other
page, and that went.
"Poor man." said one sympathetic
woman, che must be hungry But how
can he eat that stuff"
The second page was gone, all but a
little corner. The fat Germans check
bulged. A voice over his head said:
"Chakey, you've god doc much; you
voz hog"
He seized tho corner Of the paper that
was sticking out and began pulling at
it. 1t came in the shape OF perfect
cone, alternately red, white and blue in
color. He held his head back and pull
ed. Still the colored cone kept coming.
1t ended at about the second yard. lie
handled it tenderly moment, juggled
it around, and finally turning it point