Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1897-04-22
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He was slayer: Helm going to
kiss you when l go. She-Do it now
while Pm still youngstown Topics.
Slumleigh-1 don't see why you care
SO little for me. Miss Gyer-Have you
ever taken good look at yourself p
Town Topics.
She - Do you understand those
French jokes? Helm afraid l do.
She-Then wish you'd translate them.
-Pick-Me-Up.
Gosling-''What do you think Of this
new tie of miney Wiggins-"My boy,
it's not tie. It's colored supple
ment. Truth.
George describes the girl he is en-.
gagged to as perfect vision.' "Yes.
And his sister says she is a sight,
indianapolis Journal.
HAS Mr.. De Broken proposed to you
yet, Beatrice:' mo: but he has a law
yer looking into papa's financial af-
fairs. Detroit Free Press
Mr. Slmmer-Going to the ball to-
night? Miss Antique-No, don't dance
the new dances. "Why not?' Not
asked. cleveland Plain Dealer.
When a woman is saving up to buy
a new hat she can never see any use
in her husbands spending money to be-
long to club.-New York Press.
''Boarding-houses have taught me
one thing" What is that?' ut couldn't
have been dried apple with which Eve
tempted Adam" Chicago Record.
Cannibal king-You haven't succeed
ed in fattening the captive? The chief
cook-He's losing flesh all the time.
think he's worrying about something.
Puck.
GEORGE just saw you coming from
the conservatory with Miss Goldie.
Rather handsome girl, but too reserved
for me. Thomas-Yes, just reserved
her for life.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Ever notice what an even temper
johnson has? No matter how much he
Is disagreed with, he never gets an
cry NO; but what a deep pity he
has for the other fellow
Journal.
Dyspepsia Specialist drritably)-
but, madam, you must chew your
food. What were your teeth given you
for?' Female Patient (calmly)-"They
weren't given to mel bought 'em."-
Odds and Ends.
Theatres ought to be seated with the
women all on one side and the men on
the other" Why? $50 that when
men 60 out between the acts they can
tramp on each others toes" Detroit
Free Press.
a fashion paper announces that
gowns this summer will come higher
than they did last year, owing to a
boom in the silk market. We trust they
will-at the shoulders.-Commerc
Advertiser.
'"The bicycle is all right. l suppose"
remarked Mr.. Walker, but it should
not be carried to excess" Il don't think
1t should be carried at ALL" replied Mr..
Sprocket. 1T should carry YOU
Pttsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. is the first
hand organ have seen for some weeks.
Got too cold for them, suppose" Or
ganist-"Eet ees so, signor. Zee peo-
pies keepa windows shut and notta pay
us to nova on."-New York Weekly.
Mr.. Norris-"I won't hear word of
1t! 1t is too preposterousv' Mrs. Nor
ris-'Don't be severe with Frank; you
know he has fallen in .ove." "Well,
can't he fall out again." "No, I'm
afraid not without getting married.
Answers.
II have seen some pretty hard knocks
In my time," began the anvil, in ring
ing tones, when the bellows interrupt
ed him with, But think of the trouble
I have. There isn't day that I'm not
hard pressed to raise the wind."-Cin.
cinanti Enquirer.
Mr.. Esplanade-"I miss one topic
from the program of the Mothers Con-
gress which fully expected to see dis
cussed.' Mr.. Monterey-"What is
that?" Mr.. Esplanade-"How to Man.
age a Husband" by Miss Soanso."-
Pittsburg ChronicleTelegraph.
Chumley-'I hear one of your fresh
men was pretty badly injured the other
day. How was it?" Hankins-"Why,
it was in the elocution and oratory
class He has such heavy voice that
he strained his back in trying to raise
N."-University Of Michigan Wrinkle.
Advance Agent-"You Western peo-
pie don't seem to be quite up to opera.
Everywhere we 60 the audiences weep
in the wrong place." Local Manager
you won't have any trouble here. Ny
ushers are instructed to eject anybody
who does not weep in the cuspidor."-
Detroit Journal.
Mabel { studying her lesson)-"Papa,
what Is the definition of volubility?'
Mabels Father-"My child, volubility
h q distinguishing feature Of your
mother when, on account Of urgent az
fairs, don't happen to reach home un-
I'll after 2 o'clock in the morning.
Baltimore News.