Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1897-10-16

Oorneo II Know" etr-
why don't you knowe What are
you good for, anyway"
"Hold your noodle. now. old man,
and we'll find It,"
you're the worst dummy I ever
saw. Pick that vest up. I've got to
get that cal-and it viii be here In q
minute"
They rumaged the room. But the
vest could NOS be found.
''Vest or no vest, I'm going on
that car" declared the groom lobe.
30 buttoning up his coat he started
away.
And he was married vestless.
The next day when he visited his
home he was amused TO find the much
looked for garment on the floor near
the dresser.
The vest had been nearly ruined
from being tramped on BY the excit-
ed young man and his little brother.
''rl tell you." he says, 80 man
that's going 70 be married needs .
guardian for she few days preceding
the event."
Let me give you . tip" said the
we'll posted policeman. "HAM these
reported robberies are fakes, 1
know what am talking about. I
have made it my business to per.
sonslly investigate . few Of these
bold burglaries'. and 1 have found
that they mere pipe dreams. a. she
fellows say"
I'm give you an illustration. No
names. though. You recollect that
. house was reported robbed one
night In . prominent neighborhood.
Some money. . gold watch and other
valuable jewelry were taken. The
robbers entered IN upper window,
and ransacked the room in which the
man and his wife slept. but did mot
disturb their slumbers. It WAS
thought by the head of the house
that the bold deed was committed
shortly after midnight.
The police went to work on the
case. and they worked hard, too,
strange as 1t may seem, but they
never got clue to the robbers or
the stolen property. A month or 90
after the occurrence part Of the prop.
erty was returned.
The truth OF the matter was the
man had been out with the bows, and
had his money and jeweiry stolen.
To square himself with his wife he
said the house had been robbed. He
eventually recovered the goods. I
know how that was done. too. bus no
matter"
A party Of young men celebrating
the marriage of one Of their asso-
ciates decided to serenade the cou.
pie after they had arrived at the
cosy little home which the groom
had fitted6p. It was about mid
night.
An orchestra was engaged. The
boys had had several and were feel
ing pretty giddy. It was agreed
that when they arrived at the house
that the orchestra should play and
they would vocalise.
But they could not MARBLE very
we'll without having something to
vet their whistles. The places
where refreshments could be Sc
cured had all been closed. One Of
the party said he would 20 home
and ''swipe" few bottles of wine
from the cellar.
A capital idea. He was accompa.
MED BY Q couple Of his companions.
They joined the party presently.
They we're beaming with smiles.
Each carried . few bottles.
The bottles were labeled thus:
"Sweet Catawba." All gathered
shout the bearers of the beverage.
anxious to get the first "drae." Il
vas agreed that the one who made IL
possible to have the treat be aiyen
the frat drink. He uncorksa . bot.
tie. and lifted IL to his mouth. He
drained il OF about half its contents.
Taking the bottle from his mouth,
he smscked his lips. Then . deathly
Palor came over his countenanoe.
''I'm poisoned" he shouted; ..for
heaven's sake get . Doctor" His
companions fastened to his assist
auce Water was procured and his
face was bathed. Finally he rscoy.
cred. and smiling. he said:
II. know what's the matter, fel.
lows Igot hold Of some medicine.
You know one Of our neighbors 10
not in very good health. She 10 TAX
Ing some kind Of COMPOUNDED nedi-
cine, and che keeps IL In our cellar.
That's what got hold Of"
The serenade came OF Just the
same. But there were two pretty
sick men In town the next day. an.
other Of the party having taken O
swig out Of the medicine.
To Oaro Odd n Oos Doy.
Take Laxative Brono Quins Tablets.
All diuRgists refund the money II it
fails to cure. $50.
Pure blood 10 the secret Of health.
Burdock Blood Bittsrs insurss pure
blood. For sale BY Aarshail 4
J1ss ~ 10 cent box Of Oasesrse,.
Ne 1nsst live ana boWsl ree0lsSor
OVuI Ra6a