Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1897-09-17
MouBED Al. GRASS Val 10y.
The Editor Of tho Arixona Kicker "a
some Of His Experiences. 3ss IN \ IN

The Editor Of the Arixons Kicker And
Some Of His Experiences. 4Si "
= The story made much Of in the last Issue
OF our esteemed contemporary, to the effect
that we were nobbed over at Grass Valley
the other night, IL not canard. We were
ut Grass Valley, and II being egged and
shot at and chased for four miles signifies
mobbing then we were mobbed. We were
invited to 20 over there and deliver our
celebrated lecture on Man-His Perfec.
lions and Imperfections. OF the 100
men at Grass Valley we don't believe there
are three perfect ONES. There are mo dsSl
knock kneed, squint eyed. humpbacksd
than anywhere else In America, and We
the "Imperfections'' In our lecture Other
lectures would have lied about IL and
tickled those slabsided kyotcs half %
denth. but we gave 'eID facts and came
near losing our life In consequence Four
teen eggs hit ~ in chorus before our
wheels began to revolve. and 1t seemed a.
II every man In town had q shot at Us ~
we were climbing into the saddle How
many mounted and followed after we Can-
not guess, but our mule realized tho situs-
ton and made no jumps Of less than u
feet. No, 1t is no canard. We were mob.
bed and driven out. and we sban't visit
that town again until we are tired Of life
and ready to hang. 4 vs. 4 NH
The news Of the sudden death Of Major
John Williams fell like blow on the town
last Wednesday,. The major returned
home lato Tuesday night, drunk as usual,
but seeming to be all right, and Wednes-
day morning he was found dead In bis
bed. As men average up out this way the
major was good man. We early discov.
cred that he fed from the east on account
Of enbezzlement, but even when he threat
ened our life, as be did on several COCA
sions, We never mentioned the fact to him.
He wanted to run rs as editor and mayor,
and because he couldn't he was hunting
for us with gun about half the time We
had to shoot him on three different occa-
sions, but we always shot gently and with
no intention to kill, and we have the re-
ceirts tn prove that we paid his doctor bill
When his better nature prevailed, he Was
our good friend and kept our demijohn
empty and was always in our debt for Dor.
rowed money. We can't soy that the soul
of Major Williams went straight from
.Giveadam Guloh to heaven, but we do be-
lieve that much of the rough trail was
made smooth, and that the change has
been to his benefit. <5%$ss
Mr.. Silas jackson of Pine Hill spent
Wednesday night last in the town lookup
Of Giveadam Gulch, and next morning he
went home threatening damage suit
against us as mayor. He got drunk and
fired seven bullets into the front doors Of
the city hall, and as tho city marshal was
not at hand We gave him the collar and
marched him off, MIR. jackson claims
that the first he knew Of our presence was
when his heelg struck a billboard at a
height of six feet from the earth. He con-
tends that he was acting In a riotous man
ner, and that 1t was our duty as mayor to
have read him the riot act and commanded
him to disperse. He will base his suit on
this, but we wish to inform him that
technicalities don't go in this town. We
have always carried copy Of the riot aot
In our vest pocket since being elected TO-
the mayoralty, but have never yet met
with riot which seemed too big for US TO
suppress In the ordinary way. II we buck
up against something with four or i've
good men in the front row, we shall stop
to road the act In loud voioe, but If there
10 only one man, and we can get a hand
on bis collar and our knee In the small Of
his back, he's got to dispense without
any further Formally. Mr.. jackson
shouldn't be oaptious over small things.
- r'.'E ~ - M, QUAD