Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-13
DooLEY AND HIS BANK ACCOUNT
He Has Trouble in Making His Checks
Pass.
From the Chicago Post.

From the Chicago Post
Mr.. Dooley was bent over a little leather
covered book when Mr.. Hennessy came in.
and he was muttering TO himself: ..Sivin
an six is thirteen. put three an carry wan:
eight an foor is twelve. plus wan is thir-
teen; put down all iv it. Wan hundred au'
thirsy-three- My-yah, it's har-rd wurruk
r-runnin' tn finances iv a large business. -
What ARE ye doin'?' said Mr.. Hem
messy.
I've opined q bank account" said Mr.
Dooley. with pride. AN I'm goin' to close
it tomorrah."
Il had twinty dollars in a savings bank
wanst," said Mr. Hennessy. AN it bust up.
TIL thief that r-run tn bank carried il
over to Europe with him an spint IT on
wine, women an song. May tn wine pizen
him. tn women bate him an tn song
break tn drums iv his ear. If We had a
wife We wudden't put ye'er money in a.
bank. Ye wuddent be let. TIL good wo-
man keeps mine in a pocket that Spike
wan that robs nell have to steal her too
an he'll have none tn best ~ it."
"Ye'er speakin' the thruth," said Mr.
Dooley. I've always kept what little
Missy. 1 thrust We. but We might talk in
ye'er sleep. Twas Father Kelly put me up
to takin' ii to tn bank. He says, saws he:
TIL best thing that can happen to a man
is to soak away tn roly-boly. 1t makes
him careful he says, an him and me wint
down to tn Tinth Naytional Bank, where
he has frind. He took me up to a la-ad-
an wan that didn't look amy too square
at that-an' says he: This is me frfnd
Misther Dooley,' he says: he's anxious to
make a deposit in ye'er bank Very WELL
says tn la-ad, with his nose in tn air.
Write ye'er name down in this here book
~ o.
mighty suspicious Nv signin' me name to
anything since signed a petition fr a
rayform candydate FIR alderman whin
thought was askin' to Fave a man out iv
signature says he. For whyr says ].
Sign ye'er name said Father Kelly. 'Irs
all fright So I signed me name an he
give me this here little book and wan iv
where there was a bit Nv a boy behind tn
bars. 'Wen,' says tn kid, where's tn
money? TIL money ye'er going to deposit
he says. An what's 1t to yer says ]. L
II We think We can get it come out an thry.'
says. II me eyes don't deceive me tits
wantin' peoples money that's put We in
that there cage. says I. Do We want TO
Thin give me tn money he says. .Divvle
a cint,' says /. I don't like ye're looks. 1
can't thrust We. wurrked hard FIR this
money playfn' forty-fves an I'll put 1t mo-
where but In an iron SAFE says I. Be his
time Father Kelly come up an says he:
Foolish man, give him ye'er money An
/ give 1t to tn Kid. Dye believe me, Hin
Missy, he -thrun 1t on one side as though
twas an oil shirt. BE careful says 1;
yell break It. Man alive, don't ye know
no more thin to be handlin' good stun like
pig ironr But Father Kelly dhragged me
away.
81 was half mind to jump or tn ca-ar
an go back an dhraw It out. Thin
thought I'd write to me frind Jawn Are.
I've bought his paper FIR years on an on,
whin It was dimmycratic. / wisht 1 had
now. This mornin' Dorsey tn plumber
come In fr q little bill 1 was OWN him.
How much 10 itr says I T1vs dollars.'