The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1897-09-16
slMsoN cowLlp's pollreNEss.
The Black Homer of Jimtown Tells
About 1t, and Challenges Its Equal.

II doan spec 70 nevuh did heah
bout oil Mahs' Simson Cowlip, wat live
down long de Cape Fair river TO de
wah, an wuz so monst'ous pullite?"
said the Black Homer of Jimtown.
Goose yo' didn't! 1 des' natchly
mowt know'd yo' nevuh did heah
boat him, sub. Desp'rit pullite, he
wuz! Um-m-m-ump! How pulli-i-i-te
dat man wuz!
"Pow'ful nice man, dough, Mahs'
Simson he bean. Pow'ful nice man.
Yo' often heah boat folks bein' so very
kyine dey won't hahn fly, but Mahs'
Simson Cowlip he so ovuhwhemmin'
kyine he jes' natch1y won't even shoe
fly! Yes, sub! OATS fac, sub!
Why, one time at dinnuh he wife say to
him:
: ago Simson!' she say. 'WafYo' yo'
doan' eat yo' pie? Ain dat pie good%
"'Nev' wuz bettub pie on top dis hyah
erfl' Mahs' Simson he say. But duh's
a fly on it, honey!'
"Den he wife she say: Fly on It?
Dat doan' hut de pie! Shoe de fly
awayl Shoe. de fly away an eat yo'
pie!'
/, "'Cain't do it, honey!' Mahs' Simson
he say. Dis hyuh fly's wife can't meek
pie TO him, an he jes' natchily inj'yin'
yo's! I CANT shoe him away! Bimeby
he done go way he ownseff, an den I
eat de pie, honey!'
''Nice man? Sho! I des' lack to
heah some I'm say Mahs' Simson Cow
lip want a nice man, OATS oil! Reck-
on wouldn't joggle him mo- muffin!
Oh, no!
But he bean too monst'ous pullite.
Dat bean de ovuhwhemmin' trouble
wiz him. Why, wat you t'ink? see
him mon heap O. times, sub, bare he
head an bow de geeses into de balm!
Fac, sub! Geeses dey bean mighty fun
ny creetuhs. Ev'body know dat. Some
times all day dey try to git froo knot
hole in de fence wat dey CANT git dey
bills froo, an den dey bob dey heads 60
in 'froo balm do so high dat a giant kin
walk in it 'dout tetchin' de top! An
many, many times see Mahs Simson
Cowlip, wen he bean standin' by de
balm do, an a geese it come up an
bob it's head to git in, teck off he hat
an bow to it, an to mex geese, till he
done bow de whole flock O. geeses in de
balm, he so monst'ous pullite! Sho!
Wat ago tink O. dat, now? Amt dat
bean pow'ful queeuh, sub? But done
sec him do it heap O. times! Heap O.
times!
"Plainty bahs down in de Cape Fair
kentry dem days. Plainly Of 'em, sub.
'Fo de wah. Desp'rit ugly bahs, too.
Fight teel dey die, an lookin' TO- fight
all de time, sub. All-l-l-l de time. Mahs'
Simson Cowlip he doan' keeuh TO- dem
bahs. Poof! Wat he keeuh fo' dem
bahs? He great bah hentuh. One
time, des' wen we pow'ful busy plant
in long kim shiny young chap wat
say he kim all de way fun V'ginny, an
want to hent an feesh. Mahs' Simson
he SO monst'ous pullite he des' quit he
plantin' an tote dat chap 'roun' wiz he
bes' boss, days an days. Den Mains
Simson he say to de shiny chap:
"'How yo' lack to keel a bah, suh?'
dat shiny chap he say he lack dat
desp'rites' kyine. So Mahs' Simson he
teck him oat in de wudes to keel a bah.
Dey hent an hent, an bahmby Mahs'
Simson he push up a pow'ful big bah.
De bah it back up gin gum tree an
gnash ne teef an poun' he ches', an
des' mowt as well holluh to Mahs'
Simson dat he dab him to peetch in.
Mahs' Simson he could keel dat bah
right dab, sub, wiz one shot, but sho!
dat won't be pullite to he guest, de
shiny chap. De shiny chap he spludg-
in 'roun' in de wudes up de rivuh, an
Mahs' Simson he holluh to him:
"'Would yo' please be SO kyine as to
come dis hyuh way, suh?'
Oats wat Mahs' Simson he holluh,
an de shiny chap he kim wollupin'
down whah Mahs' Simson bean facin'
de bah. He doan' see de bah, but
he kim up close to Mahs' Simson.
Mahs' Simson he smile, teck of he hat,
bow to de shiny chap pullites' kyine,
pint to de bah, an say:
"'Aftuh yo', subj
"Den de shiny chap he look an see de
bah. He tu'n de colluh o. w'itewush.
He lift one yell oat'n heseff, an done
spec setch desp'rit yell nevuh wuz
heeuh'd, sub, long de Cape Fair rivuh,
neevuh befo' mo- sense de wah, subj
He done hf' dat yell, he drap he gun,
an way he scrumble FUN dab lack de
or Boy heseR kick him in end! Mahs'
Simson. he have he hat in he ham yit,
an he back bent yit wiz dat pullite
bow. He 80 pow'ful s'prised at de
onpulliteness O. dc shiny chap dat he
bean frow cleah off he gahd, an TO he
git it back ag'in dat OF bah wuz clawin'
an chawin' an scummagin' him all
ovuh, sub! Bowleg JEFF Pool, he chop
pin in de wudes on de yon side de
Cape Fair, an he heah de unpleasant
ness. He wobble ovuh dab, an he say
dat ef he didn't git dab des' de time he
do, an squash dat bah's head in wiz he
AK, dab wouldn't been 'nough O. Mahs'
Simson lef' TO- de cahnuh's inques' to
set on, subj AS it. bean, dey hat to tote
Mabs' Simson home on stretchuh, an
he done stay in bed free weeks. Den
- Il