Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-05-09

bs nIoced in a huge armchair that. While
II looks vey historically and picturesque.
&c 10 small woman. a veritable seat OF
torture- If She wants TO eat her dinner she
bas 10 SIT on its tip edge with no support
from its back If she attempts 20 IeahaslnSt
is hack the seat is so frightfully lrng ana
so much of her gets on Il. that she LOOKS
as if she had stretched herself out LOT
a nap. Then. of course. some Dig hoIsS
woman will credit her with lacking man
nars and assuming a "slouchy' attitude
Then there's that small. silt chair pecu-
liar TO drawing rooms \ man Weighing
over one hundred and fifty forgets him
self sits on it. breaks IT, ard has TO send
his hostess twenty-five dollars worth OF
flowers the next day Then there's that
daceptive rocking chair. the one Whlch
doesn't announce to The world that it rocks
and when YOU sit upon il. with q certain
,mpbasis. il goes flying back and SHOWS
to the assembage the soles OF your snip
pcrs. Then that creaky chair never
hear that crcaky chair that i don thIhh
of young woman who married an Ola
man who had the rheumatism dr5ddiuily'
for have always wondered if, when
wanting little money she sat on his zap,
and mt her arms around his neck TO prove
lust how much she loved him, ne cr5aked
m the shoulders and knees and elbows
jus, as that type of chairs does. lheIe 10
one chair that is. without any exception,
the most absolutely vicious imaginable
, YOU have to have an acquaintance "l'h II
lust as YOU DO with vice. You FIRST endure
then pity. then embroce-or' rather IL
embroces YOU. 1t is built 10 fold up III
various positions and only one OF the
whole lot is comfortable. To hide Its
crimes il is usually cushioned Per
hans strange man enters, looks about
YOUR drawing-room and sees the same
! erticiug air about chat wr5tched chair
that vice possesses for its vatories. lie
! goes toward II and in an easy manner
seats himself on the end. Down goes chair
man and all. If he's small. he's buried
under the cushions: if he's large. is
interesting ohear the wicked WORDS ne
saws to increase ones vocabulary. Occa-
siorally. some body learns the one way
to manage that chair. You We so' 10 HHu
the exact center of il. sit down there, and
+bs rvou are monarch of all YOU survey.
Neither man. woman. nor spook, however
retains a remembrance as to where the
cetre of that chair is. as the CUSHIONS
have a horrid way of sliding round and
making the middle. or rather the fnd OF
the middle a subject for the N-rays. When
( that chair was first seen and bought by
: an innocent woman. it was accompanied
! by printed testimonials from weH-KnoWh
people who had found it comfortable ana
couldn't live without it. These weH-known
people must have been saints who thought
modification good for the soul ana the
hard. hard floor. a place Of JOY The
morality Of the ancient chair was great
but the immortality Of a modern one
| cannot be surpassed.
THE SMART GIRLS SPEECH.
All during Len the smart girl has been
getting herself in condition, from the
standpoint of her vocabulary. TO 90 on the
other side She says. fancy for sup
pose" and guess because is-.A-.GAN.
pose" and guess" She would rather de
than say guess" because then anybody
would know she was one Of those horrid