The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1897-02-05
TIE SAGE OF koHACK.
A Few Things He Had Never Done and .
Few He Had Seem.

rev me EAU SSbns
ct have lived a long time, and In some
respects I am remarkable man. said the
sage of Kohaok, addressing in a general
way the loungers assem- bled in the corner
grocery. "For one thing, old as am,
never voted for Gener'l jackson, for the
simple reason that l wasn't built that
way And / haven't chewed tobacco all
my life, either, burouz durin the first part
of my life couldn't mastioate anything
more stalwart THU spoon yittles. never
used to cut more grain in day than the
strongest Of the hired men, for the reason
that I have never been much Of liar
have seen jest as hard winters as the pres
emit and jest as hot summers as the last
one. don't chop half cord Of wood or
walk seven miles every mornin before
breakfast, burcuz amt old enough yet
"But In spite of these deficiencies have
lived to see good many things, and also
to miss seein good many other things.
And a lot of taem that haven't seen
wish had, and good many that have
seen 1 wish hadn't.
II have seen enough crops of young men
spring up and grow older to know that the
boys Of today amt any more worthless
and lazy than they were when was young.
There amt been cents worth of differ
ence in the values of any special crops OF
them since first began 10 notice. have
seen ruin and disaster menacin the country
before every presidential election, and then
seen 1t laid up on the shelf Immediately
afterwsrd for use durin the next campaign.
1 have also seen the plutocrats rivetin the
shaokles on the toilers, and jest as regular
~ seen the latter slip out Of 'em with all
the avidity, so to speak, of sleight of hand
performers.
"I have seen it rain on the just good
deal oftener than on the unjust, for the
reason that the unjust generally had the
just's umbrellas. have seen few young
wives who could actually cook better than
their husbands mothers used to- have
seen young man who blondined his hair
with peroxide Of what it's name and didn't
die of softenin Of the brain, for obvious
reasons. l have seen generation after gen.
Grafton of honest people take their children
to see the animals, burcuz, In spite of all
the inventions for amelioratin the condi-
ton of the human race, nobody has thought
out a better excuse for goin to the circus.
"I've seen a red faced, tubby shaped
widower weep BY the gallon and swoon
over his wife's grave, and then, in less than
two months after the funeral, dye his
whiskers and begin to set up and take no
tice. I have seen a young man go ravin
crazy on account Of unrequited love and
make his syerlastin fortune inventin fool
names for parlor games have seen the
incest girl in the village marry the most
worthless young man to reform him and
stick to him till she died Of broken heart,
and I've seen the biggest fool in the COM
munity elected representative
IT have seen all these things and good
many others and have learned much by
practical experience, and yet don't think
that burcuz l am old l necessarily know
more than some younger men who have
had better advantages and opportunities
than did.
GIVE seen-harf What's that3 Why, I'll
take three pounds of that tobacco and a
nickels worth of clothespins, if you'll jest
mark 'em down till week after next. -
New York Sunday Journal.