davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Odd Definitions.

A recent exhibition of the relics of
DR.. Samuel Johnson, in London, calls
forth Renaissance of some of the
remarkable definitions he made in his
famous dictionary. Among them not
the least curious was the one given for
network" which was defined as "any-
thing reticulated or decussated at
equal distances, with instercices be-
tween the intersections.
Other amusing definitions are,
"Cough-a CONFUSION of the lungs,
vellicated by some sharp serosity."
"Man-not woman, not boy, not
a beast" pension an allowance
made to any one without an equiva-
lent. In England it is generally I'M
derstood to mean, pay to a state hire
ling for treason to his country"
This last definition DR.. johnson
must have often wished he had not
written, since he became pensioner
during the later years of his life, and
had some difficulty in reconciling the
acceptance of the money with his bitter
and unjust description.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
A BOATER's YARN,
How He Won Races With the Help Of
IN Educated Catfish.

From the Detroit Free Press: I'VE
used to have some great times there,
boat racing on Sunday" began the man
who had helped build a southern rail-
road. There was good deal of money
flying around, betting was as common
as eating, and it was all right to turn
a sharp trick If you didn't get caught
at It, had partner and we worked
scheme together that coined money
for time. He never entered the races,
but always backed me heavily and we
split the winnings. He had invented
a miniature propeller with big spring
as motive power, on the same prin-
ciple as watch. At the side of the
boat house little wharf rat used to
dive under my boat and attach this
machine. When the starting gun went
of l only had to touch a button, the
propeller set to work, and could regu-
late my speed by rowing as the sit
uation demanded I was a champion
and won money against all corners I'M
til the boy was seized with a cramp
one day. He came up yelling, holding
the machine over his head. My part
ner and l escaped in the confusion
and never went back"
cts Odds" said brawny and griz-
zled listener. Il Joined that crowd just
after you left, and there was stand
in offer Of thousand fur anyone that
would bring you into camp. l was
something of an oarsman myself, but
the company was little too fast, so
dedicated big cat fish that was as
strong as a yoke of steers I had a
collar with ring on that 'tached to
a hook under the boat. Mr.. Catfish
would hitch himself on there when the
gun cracked, and I'll be burned if 1
didn't have to back water sometimes
to keep frum maxim express time. In
my last race 1 capsized, and that
burned fish just got skeered an took
the beat down the river like rocket.
1 swum to tn other shore in hail Of
bullets an got away.
The man who had told the first story
solemnly removed his hat and every
other listener followed his example.
''Take tn money, pard," was all he
could bring himself to say.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

List of patents issued last week to
inventors.

List of patents issued last week to
Northwestern inventors:
John Allenson. st. Paul, Mimi, APP
paratus for forming molds for cast
ings; Oliver Crosby, st. Paul, Mimi,
locomotive crane; Oliver Crosby, ST.
Paul, Mimi, pawl and ratchet; Frank
NJ. Farwell. st. Paul, Mimi, hydrant;
Herbert H. Freeman, Pierre, S. D.,
latch; Frederick Hebich, Grand Forks,
n. D., water jacketed flue; Charles j..
l-indquist, Webster, S. D., dehorning
implement; John Olson, Two Harbors,
Mimi, fiuid-pressure railway brake;
Frederick w. Reeves, st. Paul, MIMI,
reciprocating rotary steam engine;
DANES F.Rutledge, Minneapolis, Mimi,
door lock; Emil Schoyen, Mankato,
Mimi. fountain; William II. White,
Harold, S. d., lamp burner; William
H. White, Harold, S. D., thread cutter
and addressing device for spools; Will
lam II. Wits, Harold, S. D., nut lock;
Adolph A. Williams, Duluth, Mimi,
gas engine.
Il. d. Merwin. Patent Lawyer. 90
Pioneer Press Building, st. Paul, MINI.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
A Clever Swindle.

4 clever sWindle, whereby an out
of-town jewelry firm lost gold watch
valued at 5000, was revealed by a
member of the firm to some of his
friends in this city the other day. A
well-dressed man called at the store.
and, after much celebrating, chose a
watch and gave his check for $500 in
payment for it. II want you to have
the watch regulated" he said to the
clerk, 80 I can get it tomorrow after
noon. In the meantime you can ascer-
tain whether the check is good" The
next afternoon he called and was in
formed that the check had been re-
turned from the bank on which it was
drawn with "No funds" stamped on
it. He looked surprised and asked to
see it. "Why, what mistake made, ;"
he said when he saw the check "Of
course it was no good. carry a num-
Der of loose checks in my pocket to
oblige my friends and I used the wrong
one. Here, will draw one on bank
I have deposit in and will wait here
while some one goes to the bank"
This was satisfactory and the man sat
down to wait. After several minutes
he jumped up and said: ooh, what's
the use of waiting here all this time?
I'll just pay cash for the watch. Get
my check back" In the meantime the
check had been taken to the office of
the firm and Endorsed to be cashed.
The messenger was called back and
the check returned to the man, who
thereupon left with the watch. A short
time afterward the check was returned
to the firm for payment. The bank
had cashed it on the strength of the
firms indorsement.-New York Times.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
BEATEN AT HIS OWN GAME.
A Louisville Attorney Who Taught Hla
Client q Clever Trick

A Louisville Attorney Who Taught His
Client Clever Trick
From the Louisville Courler-J Journal:
A barrister of the city court is very
much chagrined on account of trick
played on him by one Of his clients.
thereby causing him to lose fee of
$25. Several days ago man was ar
rested on charge Of shooting at with
out wounding." This picturesque fig
ure of the city court. who brags that
the rich coloring of his nose had cost
him small-sized fortune. was consult
ed and consented to defend the man.
Before the trial came up the barrister
called his client from the court room
and said: Nov. the only way you
can get out of this scrape Is to play in
sane. Whenever question is put to
you, instead Of giving an intelligent
answer, just wave your hand in front
Of your face and whistle. The judge
will at once adjudge you insane. and, of
course, you will be all right"
The man consented to play insane,
and took his seat on the stand.
What is your name?" asked one of
the attorneys.
The defendant looked idiotic, waved
his hand and then whistled.
Everybody in the court room began
to laugh. Question after question was
asked the man, but he answered all of
them by waving his hand and whistling
Immediately afterward.
Judge.
"Ah, what did tell you," said the
barrister, walking over to his client and
congratulating him. That was a mag
nificent play. will charge $25 for de-
tending you and would like to have my
money now"
The alleged insane man looked wor-
ried and scratched his head. He never
said a word. but waved his hand
through the air, gave a short, shrill
whistle, and bade the attorney a fond
adieu.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
An Elephant,s Monument.

On the village green of Somers, a
little town in Westchester county, New
York, stands curious memorial COL
umn, which, after some years of grad
ually increasing dilapidation is about
to be restored and repaired, to the sat-
isfaction of all the citizens of the
place, but especially, one would think,
to that of the children. For the monu-
ment preserves the memory of "Old
Bet" probably the first elephant ex-
hibited in this country, and is sur
mounted by her image.
Bet was brought over nearly a hum
dred years ago by French Snowman,
who exhibited her in New York city.
where crowds focked, wondering, to
see her. Hachaliah Bailey, wealthy
Somers farmer, was among them; and
becoming interested in the animal, sue
ceeded in purchasing half-interest in
1t, gave up his farm work, and travelled
over Canada and the United States, ex-
hibiting his marvellous acquisition.
He proved successful as Snowman.
purchased other animals, bought out
lesser shows, and was soon the man.
ager Of large Furnishing menagrie;
but in 1921, while he was exhibiting in
little town in Maine, great misfor-
tune fell upon him: Bet broke loose
during the show. People were not as
we'll used to elephants then as they are
now, and did not understand that they
are commonly gentle and friendly
beasts There was wild and immediate
panic, accompanied by the anger born
Of fear. Threats to shoot the managers
were shouted aloud by excited men.
Somebody got gun, and though the
managers were not shot, poor Old Bet
was.
After his beloved elephants death,
Hachaliah Bailey lost heart and gave up
the show business, returning to his ma
tive place, where the next year he had
plans prepared for monument to Bet,
which was in due time erected.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
A Malicious Trick.

In some parts of India monkeys are
regarded with superstitious reverence.
They become very numerous, therefore,
and as they are never interfered with
spend much of their time on the roofs
of the houses. This circumstance gives
a great opportunity to the mean man
who has an old grudge to pay off. He
has only to sprinkle little rice on the
top of his enemy's house just as the
rainy season is setting in. The mon
keys at once assemble there, eat all
the grain they can find on the roof and
pull off the tile in the hope of finding
more. Before the damage can be re-
repaired the tropical rains completely
ruin house, furniture and stores.-Ex-
change.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
A Warn,.Weather Visit,

'1t's none Of my business" said the
man who had boats for hire, but I'd
like to know why you took this boat,
rowed out on the other side of the lake,
stared at the water and then came
right back"
well, it's hard to explain. I'm not
very sentimental, as a rule; but l
wanted to recall the dear days of yore,
when life was so different. AS near as
l could locate it, the spot was look
ing at was where broke through and
nearly got drowned in ice water last
Winter."-WaShingt Star.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

Everyone Is just now Interested in
me Alaskan gold fields and the Klon-
ayke country, where placer miners
nave taken as much as $1,000 from a
single pan. Doubtless thousands will
mock to that country in the spring. nut
before starting everyone should thor
oughly post themselves on the country.
But one official guide has yet been pub
nshed and that book is handled ex:}u-
sively in the Dakotas by Dakota Farm
er, Aberdeen. It consists of nearly 300
pages and 30 full page illustrations and
maps. Dakota Farmer will send it
postpaid to any Dakota address includ-
ing subscription to taat paper to
January l, 1898, for but rs cents. See
ad. in another column.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
The Onlce-Holding Habit.

IT think" said the philosopher,
chat the of11ce-holding habit has in
terfered with the prosperity of many
a citizen"
eyes," said Senator Sorgum, ut
came pretty near interfering with me.
II don't see how"
"a man got SO accustomed to the
habit of holding the Office I wanted
that was afraid I'd have to give up
the case."-Atlanta Constitution.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
What Was He There For.

"Mr. Speaker" the new member
quavered, Il should like to rise to a
question of privilege"
"The gentleman from Kansas has
the floor"
II want to know if got right to
mention that I got a lot of pure Jer-
sey heifers to sell in the speech 1 am
going to have it put in the Record for
circulation in my district? "-Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
An Accountable Legacy.

A tendency to rheumatism is undoubt-
eddy inherited. Unlike many other
legaces. it remains in the family. The
most effectual means of checking this
tendency, or of removing incipient rheu-
matism, whether pre-existent in the
blood or not, is to resort to Hostetter's
Stomach Bitters as soon as the Fremont
tory twinges arc felt. Multiplying the in
fluences of cold. exposure and fatigue,
the Bitters not r.r.Iy fortifies the system
against their h;;rtful consequences, but
subjugates malaria. liver and kidney
complaint, dyspepsia and nerve disquiet-
ude
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
No Indications.

Mr.. Figg-"There is no telling how
a boy may grow up. There is Tommy,
for example Who knows what he
may turn out to be-"
Mrs. Figg-"He won't be civil-ser-
vice reformer If present indications
count. When he found I had locked
up the pie he cried for two hours.''-
Indianapolis Journal.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

'These verses" remarked the elderly
man, ''have n very agreeable sound.
But there's too much in them about
running brooks TO strike the popular
chord.''
"But it's something that most poetry
has in it,"
'If that's the case, it explains why
most poetry is not popular. The pub
lie, just now, isn't caring whether the
brooks run or not. What they want is
to see the factories get started."-
Washington Star.
The Charge.
The other morning man named Sis
sons, who stammered dreadfully, was
placed in the dock of London police
court.
1t was very difficult thing for him
to pronounce his own name.
He had the misfortune to stay out
late and make an uproar over night,
and to account for it to the magistrate
next morning.
Sissons began to reply:
"SSS-SS-SSSSS-SSS-sSS
"Stop that noise and tell me your
name," said the magistrate, inpatient
ly.
ss-ss-sss-sss-"
"That will do" said the magistrate,
severely. policeman, what is this
man charged with?"
Il think. yer honor, he's charged
with sody-water."- Spare Moments.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Two Touches.

"Beholdw exclaimed the good fairy.
81 touch thee with my wand and trans
form thee from beggar to prince"
Subsequently, however, his beloved
touched him without aAy wand and
made him a beggar again.-Detroit
Journal.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Taking No Changes

Mr.. Curtis-Yes; positively go back
tomorrow morning.
Miss Emslie-Oh, I'm so sorry for
that. l wish you would stay over for
another day, at least. You know, we
are to give our performance of Ca
MILE tomorrow night, with me in the
title role.
Mr.. Curtis (absently)-That's the rea-
son I've got to go.-Cleveland Leader.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
The Dear Girls,

II see," said the girl with the COM
nonsense feet, that one should not
wear skirt that shows more than
eight inches Of the boot"
You needn't feel worried over that,
DEAR" said the light-footed girl. 1T
means perpendicular measurements
lnlianaDOliS Journal.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Read the Advertisements.

You will enjoy this publication much
better if you will get into the habit of
reading the advertisements; they will
afford most interesting study and
will put you in the way of getting
advertise.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
DR.. J. 81. RINDLAUB, Specialist.
Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat,
Fargo, N. DDk.
HO.G7 Homes.

Stern Father-And do you think,
young man, that you can support my
daughter in the style that she has
been accustomed to?
Young MAXWELL, sir, with a little
help from you every now and then, l
rather think can.-Someryille Jour-
nal.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
An Ambitious Footpad.

"That young fellow the police cap
tured yesterday confesses to having
held up people in more than twenty
different Cities"
"He must think he's new Atlas"
"How's that?"
"Trying to hold up the earth."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer,
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
IRONY of Fate.

Guest-Who is that pale, frail-looking
man with spectacles who comes over
here every evening and drinks bottle
Of Apollinaris?
Bartender-Why that's the man who
writes those lively drinking songs that
the students like so.-Jugend.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
$|0O To Any Man.
WILL PAY 500 FOR ANY CASE
OF Weakness in Men They Treat and
Fail to Cure.

Fail to Cure.
An Omaha Company places for tho first
time before the public MAGICAL TREAT
MENT for the cure of Lost Vitality, Nervous
and Sexual Weakness, and Restoration Of
Life Force in old and young men. ' No
WORKOUT French remedy; contains no
Phosphorus or other harmful drugs. It is
WONDERFUL TREATMENT-magical in it's
effects-positive in its cure. All readers,
who are suffering from weakness that
blights their life, causing that mental and
physical suffering peculiar to Lost Man
hood, should write to the STATE MEDICAL
COMPANY, Omaha, Neb., and they will
send you absolutely FREE, valuable
paper on these diseases, and positive proofs
of their truly MAGICAL TREATMENT. fhous-
ands of men, who have lost all hope of a
cure, are being restored by them to per-
feet condition.
This MAGICAL TREATMENT NAV be taken
at home under their directions. or they will
pay railroad fare and hotel bills to ali who.
prefer to go there for treatment, if they
fail to cure. They are perfectly reliable;
have no Free Prescriptions, Free Cure,
Free Sample, or c. o. D. fake. They have.
S25O,OOO capital, and guarantee to cure
every case they treat or refund every dollar;
or their charges may be deposited in q
bank to be paid to them when a cure ia.
effected. Write them today.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

FHCttIOuSIy 1HtcUUeU.
zone of Mack's bridal presents was
q lawn mower, and it made him furi-
ous."
Curious? He ought to have been
pleased"
"No; you see he married grass wild
oW."-Puck.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
An ODtilnist.

She-Do you think the world is get
ting better or worse!
He-Better. !,
She-Why do you hold that opinion?
He-My wife's mother writes us that
she will not be able to pay us her GUS
tomary six weeks visit this summer
Cleveland Leader.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Halls Catarrh Cure
Is taken internally. Price, Csc.
Viudication Wanted.

"The I<londike stories seem to have
made you pretty glum," said the base
ball editor. Getting the fever!'
mo" said the funny man, ''but after
all the Jokes I have written about the
frigidity Of Boston, it seems queer that
can't find any accounts Of expedi-
lions starting from that place to Alas
a.''-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
No SCODe.

IT bought little Tommy a trumpet be.
cause he was so lonely, but he did not
seem pleased"
"Well, no: you see his old grand.
mother is stone deaf. "-Pick-Me-Up.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
A Fond RetrOEDect

II wish," said the unhappy, perspir-
ing man, "that could find that little
boy"
'What little boy?'
""rhe one who threw snowballs at me
last winter. I'd like to forgive him.
Washington Star.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
0niDk Time.

''How time flies, to be sure. 1t
seems only minute since it struck 10,
and now there goes H.
"Oh, that's only father, trying to
DEF. It was only a minute ago 1 since nc III it
struck 1O.'-Judy.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Few and Far between.

Browne-Who wrote Birds of a
Feather Flock Together?'
Towne-Some idiot who had never
been out shooting.-New York World.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
The Bitter Part

ut was all due to the whisky" said
the prisoner.
But" said the captious visitor, II
notice that you, instead Of the whisky,
are in here
'And that amt the worst of it, eth
er. They left the booze outside."-In-
dianan0liS journal
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

FITS PermanertlyCured Motifs or nervousness after
6rst days use of DIR. klne's Great Nerve Restorer
Send TOR FREE $500 trial bottle and treatise.
Dir. r. H. KLINE. Ltd, 93l Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Dissatisfied.

':Of course" said Mr.. Kronnick, as
he looked through the smoked glass at
the eclipse, ut had to pick out a day
when it was comparatively cool and
comfortable"
'What do you mean?'
IL mean there would have been some
sense in the SUMS acting this way dur
piece Of t."-Washington Star.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Not an. Ill Wind.

First Lady-There goes young Mrs.
Pedigree. 1 suppose she bores people
to death telling the bright things her
little boy says.
Second Lady-Oh, no; fortunately,
he says such dreadful thirgs they
can't repeat them.-Boston Traveller.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Seeking Information.

Petie-Mr. Dudds, do you ever have
any trouble on tho beach?
Mr.. Dudds-I don't understand, Pc
tie. What do you mean?
Petie-Why, sister says you're not
the only pebble on the beach, an was
a-wonderin' if you had eny trouble
wild de udders.-Philadelph North
American,
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

Don't Tobacco Spit and Smoke Your Life Away.
To quit tobacco easily and forever, be mag
netic, full of life. nerve and vigor. take No-To-
Bac. the wonder-worker that makes weak men
teed. Booklet and sample free. Address Ster-
ling Remedy Co.. Chicago or New York.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
PhvalOpnOny.

The science Of physiognomy dates
from the writings of Lavater, who was
born in 1741 and died in 1S01.-Ex-
change.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Horse q

Horse and Horse.
Doctor-You're a long time paying
my account, sir.
Hardup-Well, you were a long time
curing me.-BOStOn Traveller.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Facetfously Intended,

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup
For children teething, softens the gumsreduces ina.
nation allays pain, wind collie. Is cents bottle
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

No Pity fo>' the Poet.
Don't you think young Porticus is a
budding genius?"
''No; think he's more Of a blooming
iot."-Philadelphi Bulletin.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

ALASKA! Miners Guide to the Gold Fields!
and latest authorized map. showing different
Rstes, Etc, by mail zoe Taylor Publishing
Co., Box 2514, st. Paul, Mimi.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

To Cure Constipation Forever.
Take Cascarets Candy Cathartic. 10c or 25c.
II G. c. c. fail to cure, druggists refund money.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

Poet-Give me word that is synon-
ymous with "crop."
Amateur Farmer festily)-"Failure.' -
New York World.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

Piso's Cure for Consumption has been
family medicine with us since 1885,
j. R.. Madison, 24O9 42d Ave-, Chicago,
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19
Goes Cough I3a1sam
Readily Answered,

Is the Oldest and best 1t will break up cold qutcke
than anything else. 1t is always reliable Try it.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

The United States has 1900 fruit and
vegetable canneries.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

Educate Your Bowels with Cascarets.
Candy Cathartic. cure constipation forever.
lOc. II c. C. C. fail druggists refund money.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-08-19

No-To-Bnc for Fifty Cents.
Guaranteed tobacco habit cure, makes weak
men strong. blood pure. Sue. 81. All drugGIstA