The San Francisco call., 1897-11-21
Breaking a Record.

am not a crackajack. 1t is not my
ambition to become either a Ziegler or a
Zimmerman, nevertheless believe hold
the worlds unpaced downhlil record. 1t
happened that l was a member OF
cycling party that was on days outing
among the Berkeley hills. For miles we
had been ascending, winding In and
around the mountains, until at last, after
toiling up long grade, we came upon
steep incline that appalled, even the stout
est OF the group. In fact the place was used
for coasting by boys who had their bravery
developed at the expense OF their reason<fA
ability. The whole party had dismounted
and were leading their bikes when, with
that total disregard for personal danger
which l always exhibit in the presence of
young ladies, l determined to ride, and
started out on what terminated in the
greatest road run ever made by any living
rider.
OF course the Coroner's books may re-
veal the names of men who made much
quicker time downhill than l did. Some
steep mountainside may be strewn with
the remains of the man who made
more remarkable record. The be-
reaved family of some speedier rider
may still be burying him on the in
stallment plan according as they find his
remains. But L do not fear contradiction
when L claim that l am the fastest down
hill rider of any man who is not ex met.
Furthermore, the race was made without
any previous training, thus coming under
the head of an impromptu. extempora-
neous ride.
The moment l started on my downward
RI I hot I nod ma do jcto i-a
Other young men may have fallen from
grace but never before had the downward
career of a respectable citizen been so
rapid. The overhanging branches tore off
my hat and neckt1e. At every yard my
velocity increased and my wardrobe de-
creased, until at last paul Revere's Ride
or Sheridan's mad gallop to Winchester
were as nothing compared with my awful
anxiety to reach level ground. By this
time my wheel had acquired the velocity
of skyrocket l began to feel that was
entered in great relay race to eternity.
l felt too scared to pray, and too near
death to swear. My heart had almost
stopped beating-my floating ribs had
almost ceased TO float. Suddenly my wheel I
struck bowlder and paused abruptly.
But | didn't. l kept right on for about
twenty feet further, until finding myself y
without any visible means of support, II
made flying finish, landing in a clump
of blackberry vines through which | sifted.
When l had finally isentangled myself
from the clinging embrace OF botanical
surroundings, [ realized that l had been
punctured. As L limped back to the place
where in my hurry to get there l had
seeded from my bike did not look like
a man VINO had just made a worlds
record. My hat, necktie and collar were
left on the hillside, my coat was hanging
at half-mast from one shoulder, even my
presence of mind deserted me, and / felt
the need of a guard ian as | never before
had in my life. looked like a man who
had been granted belligerent rights, and
was sorry for 1t.
We now went over to hold a post.
mOrtem examination on the shattered
fragments of the wheel. We found that
it had suffered compound fracture of the
handle-bars, conclusion of the forks, a
contortion of the pedals, dislocation of
the spokes, d islod gment OF the seat, and
rupture OF the tires. | concluded to walk
home. But how to walk home and escape
the young ladies of the party was ques-
tion that puzzled my intellect. The more
L looked down at my abbreviated gar
ments the more l longed for an overcoat.
But the thought that l had broken a
record as well as other miscellaneous
things gave me courage to face any LADY,
be she blushing bioomer- girl or POSTPONED
bride.
At first the ladies were inclined to look
upon my accident calamity, but when I
l explained to them that l had probably
made the world unpaced downhili record
they forgot even the emptiness of nv
wardrobe in the fullness of their iov.
Every member of the club wanted me to
ride home on his or her wheel, while
many of the ladies went back tc get pieces
of my bike as souvenirs. As for myself
am still giving away souvenir black berry
thorns as fast as | can extract them, and
from presen: indications the supply seems
to be lnexhaustbie. NowDEN.