Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-05-13

'.How dreadfully stout the general is
getting!" 'Yes, isn't it fortunate! 9th
erwise he wouldn't be able TO wear all
his medalsv'-Punch
Mr.. New Hub-What does 1t mean
when a bride promises to obey Mrs.
New Hub-Simply that she prefers not
to make a scene.-Puck.
rs that good hen, Uncle JOSH: "A
good hen?" said Uncle Josh, why, that
'ar hen lays eggs as big as hailstuns.'
Detroit Free Press.
She-What little mouth your young
lady friend has! 1t doesn't look large
enough to hold her tongue. He-It
doesn't.-Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Newed-Was / nervous, dear,
during the ceremony? Miss Spitegirl-
Well, a trifie, at first. darling, Drt not
after William had said yes.-Tru.h.
Mrs. Ton-You used to say / was the
light Of your life. Mr.. Ton-Yes, and
suppose that's why you are so easily
put out now we are married.-Judy.
A ray Of hope: The Bride-Pm so
worried about Freds cold! Her Moth
er-Still, the majority Of cases Of cold
In the head terminate favorably.-Puck.
Barnes Tormer-Talk about your
frOsts Why, boy came down from
the gallery and wanted his money back
because he was afraid to stay alone
Life.
Shelf must have taken a great deaf
of ictn 20, I.a.txs IN
play the violin so well. He-lt did. I
had to go constantly armed for live
years.-Life.
But we cannot live on papa" protest
ed the savage's bride to be; ''he is
dreadfully poor" 1--WE can wait until
he is fatter!' said the cannibal.-De-
troit Journal.
An old woman quite repellent comes
in. do you think you can find nus
band for me-" she asks. Agent-Per-
haps-if some blind man comes in
L1llUstre de Poche.
did you divide your bonbons with
your little brother, Mollie?" Eyes, ma;
ate the candy and gave him the mot
toes. You know he is awfully fond Of
reading. "-Pick-Me-Up.
You poor schoolma ans are woeful-
ly underpaid." "Oh, l don't know.
have taken enough chewing-gum away
from the children to last me three
years. Journal.
'Ah, my poor man." said the benevo-
lent old lady, Il suppose you are often
pinched by want and hunger, are you
not| "Yessum, and by de cops. "-Cin-
cinnati Commercial-Tribune.
"And are the divorce laws so very
liberal in your sectionW Liberal? Say!
They are so liberal that nobody ever
heard of woman crying Mt wedding
out there. "-Detroit Journal.
He-Miss Bellacour claims to belong
to IA very old family. She-Well, she's
justified. There are six of those girls.
and the youngest of them must be at
least 35."-Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Chink has hit on plan to keep
her husband from smoking in the par
lor." What did she do?" "She hung
the portraits of her three former hus-
bands there."-Chicago Record.
Bachelor-Do you think a man will
have bad luck If he gets married on
Friday? Benedict-Oh, don't think it
makes any difference whether it's Fri
day or not-Yonkers Statesman.
Truth crushed to earth will rise
again." quoted the earnest man.
True" replied Senator Sorghum; "but
in many cases, not until after the ref
cree has counted ten."-Washington
Star.
She-Tell me, dearest, do you really
tell me all your thoughts? He-Cer-
tainly, my darling; more than that,
even. Every day l tell you hundreds
of things without even thinking.-An-
swers.
The Farmers Wife-Would you be
willing to saw some wood for your
breakfast? Fluent Fontleroy-It would
be useless, madam. My teeth are not
as good as they once were.-Cornell
Widow.
$50 you think with the bishop that
the crowd at Carson was not compos-
ed of average Americans?" "Of course
| do. The average man was too hard
I'D to go."-Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune.
1T is very hard to learn to ride BIZ
cycle?" asked the pretty girl of her
cousin Will, who had taken three les
sons. "Well," said Will, ruefully,
when you hit the ground it is
Washington Times.
Jinks (at party)-I don't see what's
the matter with that pretty woman
over there. She was awfully flirty
n while ago and now she won't have
ANYTHING to do with me. Stranger
have just come in. She's my wife,
Scottish Nights.
"Then why did you encourage me?"
he demanded, fiercely. Tears sprang
to her eyes. pray, forgive me-" she
entreated. II know 1 got mad when
you asked me to be your wife, and told
You never to speak to me again, but
| am sorry. do not love you now. I
don't believe loved you even then. I
was thoughtless. Can you not forgive
me? May we not part friends DE
troit Journal.
Boston Teacher-We will now take
ND the study Of the senses. Why has
the Creator furnished us with eyes?
Boston Pupil (aged 4)-To enable us to
see. Teacher-And what office is filled
by the nose? Pupil-It was given to