The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1897-08-10
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First Bicycle Girl-"Oh. yes: I often
fall of, but / always land on my feet"
Second Ditto-"I think you said you
were from Chicago.'-Boston Tran
script.
The First Fire-"And now. children,
can you tell me how the blazing sword
got there? You may answer. Willie"
Please ma'am. / guess il Caught when
Adam got fired."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
That machine. Judge said the VIC
tim Of the bicycle thief. was the finest
on the market" Stop" cried the
judge. 'I'l fine you f5 for contempt.
This court rides the finest wheel on the
market."-Tit-Bits
Mrs. Eastlake-"You visited Venice
while you were in Europe. I hear. Mrs.
Trotter?" Mrs. Trotter-'Yes. indeed,
and we were rowed about by one of the
chandeliers for which that city is
noted."-Harper's Bazaar.
Resented the Indignity-'What made
o quit the club. Billy" Reason
enough, I "a tell you. / worked five
years to De elected treasurer and then
they insisted on putting in a cash reg
ister."-Detroit Free Press.
Impossible-"See, here. That horse
you sold me runs away, kicks. bites,
strikes, and tries to tear down the sta
bic at night. You told me that If / got
him once I wouldn't part with him for
$1,000" well, you won't."-Detroit
Free Press.
An Echo Of the War.-Bob-"I don't
see much use in my studying Greek"
His father-"Why not, my N? Bob
According to all accounts, there
amt agoing to be any Greeks after a
while think I'll Cf116U TrJrkjCh -
Harper's Round Table.
In Chicago-Insurance Agent-'You
want the policy made out in favor Of
your wife? Her name, please?" The
Victim-'Don't you think we'd better
leave the name out? 1t will save so
much trouble from time to time, you
know."-Boston Transcript.
Her Sole Qualifcation-Mrs. Bagrox
Tell me, professor, will my daughter
ever become a great pianist?" Herr
Vogleschnitzle-"I cannot dell" But
has she non of the qualifications nee
essary for a good musician" "Achi
Yah, matam; she has W handts."-
Puck.
Fuddy-"Did you hear of the terrible
accident that happened to Dandy? His
injuries were Sc serious that his most
intimate friends are unable to recog-
nize him." Duddy-'Terrible accident?
Railroad collision? Fall of an eleva-
tori" Fuddy-"Worse. He has lost all
| his money."-Boston Transcript.
"Bliggin's wife doesn't insist on re-
tanning possession of the latch-key any
more" suggested Mr.. Meekton. NO.
replied Mrs. Meekton, "she has found
a better way to make sure that her
husband stays home after dark "
What is it," 'She has taken the lamp
| ofp h;o 11ox,oIo (, WE Ch;pofor C%o~
An Exception.-Catesby-"All the
| world loves a lover" Hawkins Gust
| rejected)-"AIl III the girl the lover
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES North American.
Hit am err unfawchnit fack," said
Uncle Eben, ida de more reason a
man hab fob indignation de less COM
fort he's gwinter git out Of it."-Wash-
| ington Star.
A Delicate Remonstrance-"When ]
| get to be a man, said the boy who has
a good memory for phrases, I'm going
to strive to cultivate an unselfish ma
ture." That's right" replied his
father. How are you going to &c
| about it 2" well, in the first place, il
I have any little boys I'll let them
shoot their own fireworks instead OF
telling them they must let me do it fol
fear they will hurt themselves.'-In.
dianapolis Journal.
A Medical Neutrality-suspicious., as q
rule, are bitterly down on the hard
times" For what special reason?
"They say people have had to eat such
plain food that they are too healthy tt
be interesting."-Detroit Free Press.
His Retort-"The apparel oft pro
claims the man." she quoted. "The lacl
of it the woman" he added; and a:
she happened to be in a ball gown a
the time she naturally considered tn
remark personal.-Chicago Evening
Post.