Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1897-09-25

largest circulation that first suspends
publication.
Girls who want to be protected by
the strong arm Of the law should
marry lawyers.
People who would rather dance than
eat meal had better consult their
family physician.
People ought to succeed in minding
their own business. seeing there is so
little competition in II.
The marriage fever is sometimes a
good thing FOR young men who can
not secure employment,
Brace up" Is the advice given
young Salt Iakers by a well known
gents furnishing house.
Spring poets never think of cele-
brating the birthday Of the man who
invented the waste bosket
IT'S pretty Nye time we had a
good city attorney" said non-partis-
an enthusiast the other day
Louisiana people are not the only
ones afflicted with yellow fever. Low
ers often have it In other states.
If II be true that coming events cast
their shadows before, then look out for
Il non partisan victory in November.
Women sometimes wear other wo-
mems hair on their head; but men
wear other Sleeps wool on their back.
a follower OF Ingersoll forsook one
of the political parties in Salt Lake on
Tearing that Parsons was at the head.
Poverty is the only thing that drives
some people to the belief in the words
Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy
self"
In all the marriages that have taken
place this year, it is singular that the
bride has never married THE best
man."
Every man should aim to be a phil
osopher, for should he be rich it will
enable him to see no disgrace in be-
ing poor.
The under-dog in the fight can find
consolation in the old proverb which
says that "the anvil lasts longer than
the hammer"
There's street car conductor in
Salt Lake named Wood. and yet au-
thorities on electricity say wood is a
non-conductor.
a young man named Sour recently
married girl named Sweet They
are thinking seriously of going into
the lemonade business.
Up to date. man and the banana
peel, are about even. Man has thrown
the banana peel on the sidewalk, and
l,sa,, ~
the sidewalk.
Here is another striking illustration
of the value OF advertising: A man
advertised in the News" for a boy.
When he got home his wife presented
him with one.
A local stove dealer advertises
stove guaranteed to save half the
be II bad idea to buy two and thus
save the whole.
At the Theater this week gentle
man tried to get into the first circle
on n third circle ticket. He felt bad
at having to go so high up; in fact, he
was moved two tiers.
A country paper in giving an ac-
count OF mdfn who attempted to
poison his wife, says he's to be given
another trial. The probabilities are
that he'll succeed next time.
whats tho matter with Chicago?"
asked child of its mother. WHY"
asked the good parent. We'll" an
swered the bright hopeful, the paper
always has 1t Chicago, M"
An Eastern exchange tells of
hen so near-slghted that she mistook
sawdust for Indian meal, but after
wards laid n nest of wooden bureau
knobs, and in three weeks Matched
out set OF parlor furniture.
"Insulted by a lazy ribald
Pipe and vesture piebald?
You threaten us, fellow? Do your
worst.
Blow your pipe there till you burst.
And now the Mayor was on the rack.
And the wretchec Councils bosom
beat"-Robert Browning.