Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1897-08-17

At LAST SHE TOOK Az OVERDOSE OF SHEEP
SHEARS AND MONKEY wRENcBEs.
q woman. II is very remarkable in how
few cases the needles were the cause OF
death and how slight al interference
with function their presence aud move
ment cause.
Ii would seem, from the cases on rec
ord, that needles in the system rather
assist in the digestion and promote
longevity.
For instance, we will suppose that
the bysterical girl above alluded TO,
with 495 needles in her stomach, should
absorb the midsummer cucumber. Think
how interesting those needles would
make il for the great collie promoter!
We can imagine the cheerful smile
Of the cucumber as II enters the stom-
ach, ana, bowling cheerfully 10 the fol-
licles standing around, hangs its hat
upon the walls of the stomach, stands
its umbrella III corner ard proceeds 70
get in its work.
All at once the cucumber looks sur
prised aud grieyed about something. IL
stops in its heaven born collie generation
and pulls rusty needle out Of its per-
son. Maddened ly the pain, IL once
more attacks the digestive apparatus
and once more accumulates a choice jot
lot Of needles.
Again and again il enters into IN,
unequal contest, each time losing
ground and gaining ground, till the
poor cucumber. with assorted hardware
sticking out in al directions, like the
hair on cats tail. at last curls up like
q caterpillar and yields up the victory.
Still this needle business will be ex.
pensive TO husbands II wives once ac-
Quire the habit and allow IL TO obtain
the mastery over them.
II wife once permits this demon ap.
petite for cambria needles to get control
OF the house. it will soon secure ma.
jority III the senate, and then there will
be trouble.
The woman wEo once begins TO tam
per with cambric needles is not safe.
She may think that she has power tc
control her appetite. but it is only
step TO the maddeniDg thirst for the
soul destroying darning needle and per
haps to the button hook and carpet
stretcher.
1t is safer and better to crush the first
desire for needles than. when 1t Is toe
late, to undertake reformation from the
abject slavery to this hellish thirst.
We once knew sweet young crea.
ture, with dewy eye aud breath like
timothy hay. Her merry laugh rippled
out upon the summer air like the joyful
music of baldheaded bobolinks
Every body loved her, and she loved
everybody. TOO. but in thoughtless
moment she swallowed a cambric needle.
This did not satisfy her. The cruel
thraldom bad begun. Whenever she felt
depressed and gloomy, there was moth
ing that would kill her ennui and mel
ancholy but the fatal needle cushion.
From this she rapidly became more
reckless, till there was hardly an hour
that she was not under the influence OF
needles.
II she couldn't get needles to assuage
her mad thirst, she would take hairpins
or doorkeys. She gradually pined away
to q mere skeleton. She could no longer
sit on one foot and be happy.
Life for her was filled with Opaque
gloom and sadness. At last she took an
overdose Of sheep shears and monkey
wrepches one day, and on the following
morning her soul had lit out for the
land Of eternal summer.
We should learn from this to shun
the maddening needle cushion as we
would viper and never tell lie.-
Bill Nye.