Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-01-23
"I'll not be engaged to any man
Less solitaire nc will bring"
She was ~ then. she's ~ nov:

she'd accept most any odd ring.
Buffalo Times.
Wife ,dejcctedly,--i'm a perfect
fright. Husband (consslinay)-No
mortal is perfect. dearest.
Mr.. slavery. What! Retr,mming your
last years haiti You are an angel! MrV.
Savery-An angel. am 1? Well. then,
give me $40 to buy wings.
"Have scribbler. the author. and his
wife made upr' "Oh. yes. She now
reads what he writes and he eats what
she cooks. "-F'liesende Blaetter.
"wcll, now that you are back you
can tell us how much 1t costs to 90 to
Europe" "Ali you've got and all you
can borrow over there."-Judse.
Dabney-Glibney started on century
run to-day. Babiey-where has he
gone? Dabney-After the fellow who
stole his wheei.-Roxbury Gazette.
by the way. how did that scheme
you went into pan out-the one to get
sugar out Of beets?" I'VE got beat out
OF the sugar."-Cincinnat Enquirer.
The story about pretty girl kiss
ing a burglar by mistake IL all wrong
and should be suppressed. II 10 an
incentive to crime.-Chicago Post
Miss scragss Yes: once. when was
out alone on dark night. saw man.
and. oh. my goodness. how ran! and
did YOU catch him. Miss Scraggsr'
"whcn I get into my new house I
mean that everything shall 90 like
clockwork." II see; the same % here.
tofore: tick, tick."-Boston Transcript.
Truth crushed to earth will rise again.
When comes the proper juncture.
While error. wounded. wtithcs In pain.
And can't repair her puncture.
indianapolis Journal.
II Eve hadn't tempted Adam with
that apple. what would the modern tai.
Tors. milllners and dressmakers DO do.
in. for living now ?--S0mcrville Jour.
nal.
And what do you regard ~ the
greatest triumph Of modern surgery r
collecting the bills" promptly ~
sponded the great practltioner.--Chi.
cagO Record.
First Tramp-That old Teller what
wuz givin' me der lecture said he didn't
know dc taste O liquor. Second Tramp
We'll. dat's some excuse fer him talk.
In dc way he did.-Puck.
One Matron-Since have been mar.
ricd have taught my husband good
taste. Alphabetically? II 10 o good
thing for you that you did not teach
him before you were married.
'Dld old Grumpey make much Of q
kick when you asked him for his daugh'
ter?' did he make much Of kick
Tho doctor says am threatened with
curvature OF the spine."-Detroit Frel
Press. @
"Harkw cried tho long haired maya
zine poet. "how the people cheer mo
how they recognise genius" "You'rt
mistaken" whispered his wife. ".rhey
think you are football player."-At
lanta Constitution.
Father-lt was strangely quiet In thu
parlor while that young fellow was call
Ing last evening. Edith. Daughter
Yes: he's one Of tho Y. Of NJ. tackler'
and seems to think Of nothing else.-
Detroit Free Press.
I'm putting up a prescription fo
your wife's milllner." said the drui
clerk 10 his employer. "what shall
charge her?' "What Ii the usual prize
for what she IL getting?" "Fifty cents
"Charge her $2.75."-Texas Sitter.
"Mrs. Disby has husband that re
ally thinks something OF her" "Wha
has he done." "Why. instead Of bet
ting to win hat on the election 70
himself he bet new bonnet for hl
wifc."-Chlcago Record.
"I," he shouted. impasslonedly iron
tho rostrun,, II shall begin at once Il
the noble work Of crushing tyrants!
Then, after the storm OF applause ha'
ceased, he went home and tried to masl
the hired Giri.--Clncinnatl Enquirer.
} AIRS. Duscnberry--It's dreadful to b
dlsappoInted In love. Mr.. Dusenberr,
There Is something great deal wors
than that. Mrs. Dusenbcrry-Wha,
for instance? Mr.. Dusenbcrry-To b
disappointed In mar-lage.--Tcxas Slf'
err.
'How do you Ike the now lcadln
LADY you have. FoOtlites?" "She won
do at all. she's only been Marie
twice, and hasn't had any diamond
stolen for ayear. She's got no enel
gy at all."-Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune.
did you know" said the man VIII
was reading an article about the cor
traction of metals, that clock tick
faster In winter than summer" "Nt
never noticed that about q clocl
Bnt know q gas meter does."-Wasl
lug.0p Star.
Husband Ito wlfe)-I cannot conceiv
what il the matter with my watch;
think It must want cleaning. spoile
Child (breaking in)-Oh, father. ] don
think it needs cleaning. Baby and
had II washing In the basin for eve
80 long this morning.
Mr.. sprigsins (gently)-My dear.
Boston man was shot at by burgla
and his life was saved by a butte
which the bullet struck. Mrs. Sprii
rlns-well, what Of 1t? Mr.. Spriggiu
Nothing, only the buttons must hay
been on.-Boston Traveller.
1T is too bad" said Gobang, "that
should have rained the first time 20
wore your new dress and spoiled It.
II don't mind spelling the dress q
much" said Mrs. Gobang. "but tn
a