The morning news., 1897-07-29
THE GARDEN OF THE GODS.
What You See There Depends Upon
Your Guide.
From the Chicago Record.

From the Chicago Record.
When you do go to Manitou, which of
course, you will some time in your life,
else why were you born?-when you do
visit the beautiful little fragment of Swift
zerland, transplanted and naturaiized. be-
ware of the Garden of the Gods guide Pay
him his fee, but do not believe him. He
will take you out over the slope, where
the weather has played pranks with the
surface of the earth and has wrought out
cropping rocks into strange shapes. and
he Will try to charm you with false dreams.
The guide is a man of Imagination and
persuasive eloquence. He looks out upon
the eXpanse of red formations" which
have very much the appearance of jackson
park after the fair buildings had burned
and when there was nothing but broken
foundation stones and piles of rock, and he
gets angered if you do not confess that
you see statuary and animals and archi-
lecture and all manner of things in the
formations" He lies and says that he
sees these things himself and wonders at
your ignorance in not also being able to
perceive them. fr'H
The average tourist finds the Garden of
the Gods 'formation'a superfluous deu-
sion. 1t is entirely unnecessary. The Mani
tou country is beautiful enough without
it. but il has been made a part of the great
outdoor mountain show and unless a re-
turned tourist can stand up before his fell
lows ip Boston or Poughkeepsie and say
that Ne saw the "Washerwoman," or the
Whale, or the Turkey Buzzard," or the
Woman In the Carriage" he Is .consid-
cred as a counterfeit tourist and one who
got no closer to the state of Colorado than
Sandusky, o.
Didn't you see the Punch and Judy
formations?" he is asked.
'"No. 1 saw lot of red rocks that look
ed as though they had been heaped UP
preparatory to an excavation for a cell
lar truth would impel. him to reply, but
he ignores truth and declares with en-
thusiasm that he saw the geologic Punch
and the geologic Judy, and if pressed for
details he will also say that he saw the
geologic baby thrown out of the window
The guide is responsible for 1t all He
must have some excuse for guiding YOU
and for demanding S4 for walking YOU
through what is apparently a very re-
markable ex-brickyard. So he drives YOU
10 curve in the road and points out a
far-away rockpile and SAYS: "Therel See
the Dutchman Smoking His Piper"
CFhey always use capitals in speaking of
the formationsD You look in the direction
in which he points and see a formation
very much like the spoil-bank along the
drainage canal, but bless you If you can
see the "Dutchman Smoking His Pipe" or
ter. You say SO, and he says: Don't you?
Pshaw! Look close" You do So and are
still dubious. Then the guide turns 10 one
OF the Others OF the party and asks If he
or she doesn't see it. The one addressed
wavers for moment, and then satan gets
another soul Yes, / think i do Yes,
there it is is the answer-a Hways. After
this the guide asks you reproachfully il
you still fail to see the Dutchman in his
fumigating exercises, and he asks il in
such way that you know he is express
ing pity for one so dense and stupid and
probably besotted with drink, and, egged
on by others of the party who now say
they also see the Dutchman. you respond:
|Oh' yes! Yes, yesi see him now How
marvellous And that is the work Of ma
ture, is it?' And after that when the
guide tells you that yonder pile of red
earth is a perfect likeness of Longfellow
you heartily agree, and to prove 1t you re-
cite two stanzas Of "Thanatopsis."
The Garden of the Gods is an interest
ing place, for the formations are dissimi-
lar 10 anything elsewhere to be seen. but
when the guide goes to pointing out "Na-
poleon on a white horse" and washing
ton crossing the Delaware" he is taking
advantage Of your moral coWardice, and
you ought to know II all along There was
only one man who ever got even with a
garden guide however, and the game cam
not be worked twice. A man named
Chadwick, from Erie, Penn. having hired
guide to show him the garden. very
promptly discovered that the things which
the fellow said were there were not. So
when the falsifer asked: do you see that
Hen with six Chickens?' " Chadwick re-
piled: why, OF course but where are
your eyes? There are thirteen Of the
chickens, and one OF them Is Just eating
worm. And look over yonder That
formation Is 'Gil Bias Escaping from ST.
Helena OF course. how natural Perfect
Note the detail And right over that way
Is Robert T.. Lee, Failing Dead on the
Field Of Shiloh Why didn't YOU men
ton it as we passed2 II / hadn't been
looking closely / should have missed H.
And yet you promised TO show as an
that AZ here at S4 n head" The guide
looked wonderngly at Chadwick, and the
latter kept right on pointing out marvel
Gus things Roman Chariot" "a Base
Ball Pitcher" "A Priest al Mass" "A
Crocodile Eating a Poodle Dog" and a
lot Of others. Every time the guide men
toned one OF his masterpieces OF mem
daclty Chadwick said; yes" and de-
clared that he saw seven other remarkable
sights. After awaile the guide called
Chadwick aside ana offered him $40 n he
would write down those things IN a mem
Orandum book so that he could learn them
on they were such bully names. Chad
wick complied. and thus got his tour
for nothing. with - on the side
-s-o-s-
.-Jack-she used 10 be an old fame OF
YOURS did she nofT