The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-12-22
A SQUAN CREEK CHRISTMAS
Iep Jones Tells How Squan Creek was
set Back Twenty Years by the Gift
Habit.

Nobody in Squan Creek had ever
paid much attenshun to Fourth Of
July, Thanksgivin' Christmas or New
Years. 1t had allus bin SO ever since
the fust house was built. We jest
went right along, one day arter another,
'tendin to bizness and tellin lies,
and the town kept CROWN and spread
in out. Silas Draper could never
afterwards explain what suddenly
cum over him one evenin two weeks
afore sartin Christmas, and caused
him to git up and say to the crowd OF
liars assembled in Dan Skinner s
grocery what he did. Sum folks
reckoned he lost his mind for the
time bein and sum argued that he
was mistook in his judgment. Tim
othy Flatbush had jest bin tellin' Of
seein mermaid in the bay the day
afore-a mermaid with long, yaller
hair and mournful blue eyes-when
Silas riz up and calmly sez:
"Boys, l was up to Fulton market
the other day with fish, and when [
had told 'em that we had never had a
circus in Squan Creek-that we paid
no 'tenshun to Fourth of July, Christ
mas or New Year's-they jest fell
over in amazement. More'n dozen
different fellers said we was wuss n
heathcns, and they made me mighty
'shamed O. myself. I've bin thinkin
things over, and as a liar, as a man,
and as a Trustee Of this village, IN
goin to say that we orter be more
civilized
"How ye goin' to do it ?" axes
Philetus Thompkins as he stands up.
"By obsarvin Christmas, sez
Silas. GAS nigh as I kin make out
everybody but heathens obsarve
Christmas. We needn't indooce no
ciycus to cum yere, and we needn't
mind Fourth of July nor New Years,
but we orter do sunthin' on Christmas
to show the world that we hain't bar
barians.
"I'm agin it," sez Jim Waterfall as
he riz up and looked mighty serious.
sI hev lived in Squan Creek fur twen-
ty y 'ars, and she has bin CROWN right
along every var. She hain't no
Brooklyn fur churches, and no Boston
fur eddecashun, but she's fur, fur
from bein' town Of heathens. We've
got a Methodist Church and skule-
house, and we've got Inhabitants as
ride the bicycle and others as own
Webster's Dictionary and hev money
in the bank at Keyport. If ye go to
maxim any changes yell hurt the
town"
It was a red-hot time fur two hours
with sum speakin' fur and sum agin
Silas Draper's idea, but at length it
was decided to obsarve Christmas and
see how it would turn out. Thar
wasn't to be no celebrashun, or any
thing of that sort, but folks was to
make Santa Claus presents and go to
church, and the reg'lar meetin' of the
Liar 8 Club was to be postponed till
next night. Silas Draper predicted
that as many as fourteen new houses
would be built within year, and that
the cooper-shop would be re-shingled
and opened fur bizness agin, but Jim
Waterfall offered his house and lot
fur sale next day and went around
telling everybody that Squan Greek was
doomed town.
What happened Christmas day was
mostly the fault Of the women. The
preacher had given out that he would
preach special sermon, and Sam
Bradbury was up airly and built fire
to warm up things. Nobody went to
church, however. 1t was hardly day
light afore Tom Barlow s wife was up
and over to Henry Digby's to show
his wife new dress pattern that cost
30 cents yard. Mrs. Barlow had
never had anything better'n calico in
her life, as was the case with Mrs.
Digby, and it was material that jealousy
! should be aroused. 1t was so in a
dozen other cases. Sum husbands
had presented their wives with a
paper O pins or can Of bakin' pow
der, while others had bought shawls
and dresses and shoes. Breakfast
wasn't hardly over before Sqaan
Greek was buzzin' from end to end.
Thar was hardly woman who WASH
mad at sum other woman, and OF