davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
Senator ohandler,o uumor.

1t is an odd day in tho senate when
Senator Chandler cannot score his pleas
ant repartec. He had q fine opening re-
Gently and availed himself of it.
He had been speaking on the reciproc-
ity amendment, when Senator White
hurled at him an inquiry as to whether
the finance committee had commits
stoned him to occupy the floor until it
was able to frame stamp tax amend,
ment
ooh, mol" responded Mr.. Chandler in
stantly aud cheerily. II have been asked
merely to occupy tho floor to look out
for anything that tho senator from
California may say worthy of notice
AS nothing of that kind has occurred, I
will continue to confino my remarks to
reciprocity"
And Mr.. White set down. Washing
ton Post
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
Making Ie Ea,r.

old John S. was rural postman
IN west country district and in q
rather rough fashion was also an anna
tenr dentist. On his rounds one day he
met certain farmer about to start for
Six milo ride to town for the purpose
OF getting IN aching tooth drawn. On
seeing old John, however, the farmer,
distracted with pain, determined to test
the Ola mans skill as tooth puller. A
palr OF somewhat rusty pliers was pro-
duced. and after few tugs the tooth
was held up for tho farmer to see, who
exclaimed:
why, John. you've drawn the wrong
tooth! That is sound onel''
know that, master" ~. said John,
but now can get ut the other handi-
er. "-Pearson's Weekly.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
ROARS OF LAUGHTER.
The Jay Evoked Them, but There Soon
Came q Painful Hush.

Shuo u f1uBns
Ex-Governor jackson of Iowa for
many years was the Hawkeye secretary
OF state and employed in his Office quite
large clerical force. One afternoon q
rather rusty ruralite wandered in, and
Mr. Jackson Immediately saw in the
newcomer opportunities for fun.
Hev ye got q telephone?'' stammered
the caller.
Certainly" replied Jackson, "there
it is on tho wall. Help yourself to it. -
Then, as the stranger slowly walked up
to the telephone and began looking it
over, Jackson passed word among the
clerks to watch the experiment of Jay
i'll trying to use telephone for the first
time.
The visitor looked the instrument
over carefully, as if trying to figure out
how to use it. The entire Office force
was watching him with unconcealed
amusement Finally he timidly took
down the receiver, looked at it with
evident curiosity, tapped it gently with
his fingers, and then, giving glance
about the room, blow the dust off the
receiver and, putting his lips close to it,
softly said, "Hellol'
This was too much for the clerks.
Tho office force burst into Il roar of
laughter, and jackson promptly went
to the assistance of the old man. Hold
onP' he cried. Don't try to talk into
that. That is the receiver, not tho trans
mitter. Hang it up again, then turn the
little crank Oh the right, place the re-
ceiver to your ear and wait till central
answers.
The visitor was looking at Jackson as
curiously as one might regard an es-
capped lunatio. Say" he drawled,
whats the matter with you anyway?
I'm All expert sent over here by the Bell
Telephone company to find out what's
the matter with this instrument"
And not clerk dared look up from
his work for tho next hour Chicago
Times-Herald.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
a Kansas chautauoue Yo,l.

a lenient people can look with somo
sort Of tolerance upon lot of college
boys who rend the atmosphere with
their idiotic school or class yells, but
nothing short Of an inquirendo de luna
tlco Will appease tho popular wrath
against lot Of grown people who do
the same thing. AT tho Winfield Chau-
tnuqua the other day tho directors of
the organization-composed of gray
headed men and matronly bosomed
women-marched around town Shrek
ing the following at the top of their
voioes:
Chau! Chaul Chaul
Tau Tau! Tau
Qua! Qua! DUAL
Chau-tau-ouni
Kansas City Journal.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
Walter Besant's Tribute to America.

Sir Walter Besant, the eminent Eng
lish novelist, said, when he went back
to England after visit here, that moth.
ing he saw in America impressed him
SO deeply us the devotion of our young
people to their flag; that nowhere ex.
cept among British soldiers had he seen
such affection and respect for national
emblem. and that nation which as q
whole felt as we seemed to feel about
our colors from the time we left our
mothers knees, was one that could
withstand tho whole world in arms.
Charles Sydney Clark in st. Nicholas.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
FLEE BEFORE FARMERS.

An Entire Settlement Banished for Petty
Thieving.
Richmond, July 30.-Farmers in the
neiehborhood of Keysville, Charlotte
county, have long been annoyed by petty
thieving The negroes of n certain SET
Element have been susnected, but evil
dence TO convict them could not be oh
tanned.
On yesterday sixty seven farmers as
sembled on horseback, rode to the settle
ment, and gave the suspects five days in
which to leave the country. Some of the
negroes had gotten wind of the matter,
and tied before the horsemen arrived
There was no violence.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
DID YOU EVER

Try Electric Bitters as remedy for your
troubles? If not get bottle now and
get relief This medicine has been found
to be peculiarly adapted to the relief and
cure of all Female Complaints, excrting a
wonderful direct influence in giving
strength and tone to the organs If you
have Loss of Appetite. Constipation,
Headache, Painting Spells, or are Ner-
vous. Sleepless, Excitable, Melancholy or
troubled with Dizzy Spells, Electric Bit
ters is the medicine you need. Health
and Strength are guaranteed by its use
Fifty cents and $100 at Massie's Pharm-
acy.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
A BIG OIL WE'LL

Morgantown, w. Va, July 90 "A big
OIL well came in yesterday in Battelle dis
trlct, In this county. From the jump it
produced 100 barrels an hour, and greater
Gnings are expected of it by the owners.
The we'll was drilled by the South Penn
Oli Company on the farm of Oliver Sut-
Ton, plain oily farmer, whose land here
toIore mad been raising ten bushels of
"neat TO the acre. This wonderful
eusber Is northeast of any development
"nich has been made in the field, and the
adJacent territory Is owned by the South
Penn Company. Monongala county has
been worked very little for oil, but this
big find is expected TO stimulate opera.
lions.
Inc programme for the annual Belle
Vlew,, Chautauqua Assembly has been
completed. 1t will be held from August
to August %. Twenty of the best
known Chautauqua lecturers in the coun-
try nave been engaged to address the
meetings. A. G. Shook, of Terra Haute,
Ind, viii he the musical director.
Hon. G. B bush, president of the Gill
mer county wv. Va.) court, says that he
has had three cases of fiux in his family
during the past summer, which he cured
in less than week with Chamberlain
Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy.
Mr.. Bush also states, that in some in.
stances there were twenty hemorrhages
day.-Glenville, w. Va, Pathfinder.
This remedy has been used in nine cpl.
denies OF fluX and one of cholera with
perfect success. 1t can always be de.
pended upon for bowel com plant. even in
its most severe forms. Every family
should keep 1t at hand. The % and so
cent bottles for sale by H. c. Barnes,
"He puts up prescriptions.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
Wrecked on boston Shoals.

Tbo 49, - ~sson onoais.
w, Inc young man locked up from his
to, n,,n,e-ah-the-girl lives in Bos-
thu, ne said to his chum. Don't you
\ nna. A ~ would make hit with her IL
4u .aH few lines Of poetry?"
Got the bookp"
.n NO, nut know the verses by heart. -
y DON'T You take any chances. I tried
sas. sumo thing once and got shook be-
~ l used q semicolon where there
,angton Star. ""'n
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
SPECIAL NOTICES.

If you wish sanitary work of any kind
done promptly give the new firm of Watts
Sc Golden a trial. Satisfaction guaran-
teed or no pay. Office, 305 Campbell
avenue, WATTS 81 GOLDEN, Roanoke,
Va. Phone 1870. p. o. Box 266.
720 I'm
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
How They Took 1t.

The Thespian swelled his chest out
with an mir of Importance.
did you notice how the audience
took my performance last night" he
asked.
" Yes. - was the prompt reply of the
brother actor; like pill Chicago
Post
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
Fusel OIL.

Hargreaves-I made n mile on my
wheel the other night in less time than
have ever been able to do so since.
Wallace-It must have been freshly
oiled
Hargreaves-No; I was. -Cincinnati
ENQUIRER.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
AGENTS WANTED.

WANTED.-Salesma for Roanoke and
on the road TO sell our fine line of house
hold goods on monthly payments.
STANDARD INSTALLMENT CO., 212
South Jefferson street, building formerly
occupied by postoffice.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31

FOR SALE.-For sale one double
seated canopy top surry. Call ON DIR. K.
w. Brown, II 1.2 South jefferson street.
Z 16 2w.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
LOVER GREW DESPERATE.
Turns Out the Gas and Shoots at Hi:
Sweetheart

Richmond, July 3O-John Willie, n
cabinet maker, attempted to kill Mollie
Jenkins, divorced woman with whom
he was in love, last night. Willie was
disappointed at not being able to get
work, and when the woman refused to
marry him he turned out the gas and
fired two shots from u revolver, one
barely missing her.
He was arrested, and to-day sent to the
grand jury. He claimed he att implied TO
Kill himself A week ago he tried to kill
Mrs. Jenkins, but she disarmed him.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31

The London Spectator says 1000 of
the Irish constabulary with rifles would
restore the worst mob of Constantinople
to comparative sanity i'll ten minutes.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31

Tho intellect has only ono failing,
which, to be sure, is very considerable
one. 1t has no conscience. Lowell.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31

FOR SALE-Scholarsh in the Roa-
noke National Business College Fer
particulars apply to The Times office.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
One Gent a Word Each Insertion.
LOST.
FOUND.
BOARDERs WANTED.

WANTED.-SUMMER BOARDERS.
a few boarders in private family, large,
cool rooms, plenty of shade; rates low.
For particulars address at ouce, "Belle.
vue," Bedford City, Va. 7-25.1w.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
FOR SALE.

REAL ESTATE of all sizes and prices
for sale. Write for descriptive price lists
to N. j. PHILLIPS, Blountville, Ten
nessee. 7.25-1m.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31

Breakfast. % cents; dinner, 25 cents;
supper 20 cents. Meal tickets, 81. j.
j. Catogni's restaurant.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31

Strawberry Ice Cream made OF fresh
strawberries at j. j. Catogni's.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-07-31
Success !!

Success is wooed in various
ways, but It's only won by
honesty of purpose. Ours is
an honest purpose-to serve
you-to serve you well. How
well we serve you is evil
denced by a few sample
prices quoted:
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
A Travelled Check.

A merchant at 1onia, Mich, paid O
debt due a Detroit merchant with q
check on the First National bank Of To-
MIA. The Detroit merchant deposited the
check In his Detroit bank, which hap
pened to have no lonia correspondent
The Detroit bank sent it to its Chicago
correspondent. Why? Probably because
their Chicago balance was low and they
would collect it at par. The Chicago
bank sent it to a Muskegon bank, its
nearest correspondent to Ionia. The
Muskegon bank sent it to its Grand
Rapids correspondent. The Grand Rap
Ids bank had no Ionia correspondent, but
saw that its Detroit correspondent was
the correspondent Of the First National
bank Of IoDia, on which the check was
drawn, SO it sent it again to Detroit
The Detroit bank then forwarded it to
Ionia, its destination for payment. ]
find this check passed through six banks,
being in transit / days and travelled
s36 miles Taking into consideration
the postage paid ~ times by the differ
ent banks, the stationery used and the
time occupied by clerks in doing the
business, it would seem that if a short
cut for the collection Of checks can be
devised it would pay to adopt it.-Chi-
cagO News
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
wordsworth and Burns.

A friend writes us from England: W.
visited the simple tomb of Williams
Wordsworth in Grasmere churchyari.
The old church stood near it, among
the ancient trees. The rapid Rotha
passed the graves and the grand hills
lifted their green domes in the 'cloudless
sky.
We had ridden past the poet tuned
lakes Of Windermere and Grasmore.
with memories of Coleridge, De Quin
rey, Christopher North, Mrs. Hemaus
and Harriet Martineau, and had rested
by Rydal Water in tho shadows of Ry.
DIAL Mount.
Wordsworth, said one Of our par.
ty. calling to mind the author Of the
Excursion, " seems to be the soul OF
oil these scenes He made himself the
ever prevailing spirit Of the English
lakes"
Burns was his teacher" said anoth
ar.
How was that" we asked.
There under the grand trees lifting
their solemn tops to the sun, our friend
repeated single verse from Words
worth's poem on the death Of Burns:
mourned with thousands, but ms one
More deeply grieved. for he was gone
Whose light hailed when first 1t SHINE
And showed my youth
How verse may build princely throne
On humble truth.
Youths Companion.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
A Shrewd Market Woman.

The shrewdness and loquacity of II r.
ket women--a craft numbering E.ors
members i'll the old world than in tho
new-are proverbial, and the following
anccdOte i'll Mr.. Doran's book CD Table
Traits bears witness 10 the justice Of
their reputation;
A member of the sisterhood in Bris.
tol, England, had IL Gl0 pound Bank Of
England note and wished to exchange
it for gold, which was then at a high
premium. Accordingly she entered "a
bank and made known hor request, to be
met with instant refusal.
The quick wittcd woman. without
exhibiting any disappointment. there
upon asked the cashier to let her have
ten of the bank 6 notes iii exchange
for her Bank of Highlander The ex
change being completed, the old wom-
an, taking up one of the provincial
notes, read aloud the promise engraved
upon it to pay the bearer i'll cash.
VERY good, said she, with chuc
kle, now gi' me goold for your note,
or I'll run to the door and call out,
Banks broke. ,"
There was no resisting this appeal
and the market woman departed in tri
1mph.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
A Polite Child.

Professor Sully. in an article in The
Popular Science Monthly. commenting
on the jealous regard for ceremony and
the proprieties Of behavior as seen in the
enforcement of rules of politeness by
children, cites delightful instance
that fell under his own observation as
he was walking on Hampstead heath.
ut was spring day, and the fat buds
Of the chestnut were bursting into mag
nificent green plumes. Two we'll dressed
misses, aged, l should say. about
and II. were taking their correct morn
ing walk. The elder called the attention
Of the younger to one Of the trees, point.
ing to it. The younger exclaimed in a
highly shocked tone. ooh. Maud, you
know you shouldn't pointp The notion
Of perpetrating rudeness on the chest.
nut tree was funny enough. But the in
cident is instructive as illustrating the
childish tendency to stretch and gener.
alize rules to the utmost"
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
Interesting Washing.

An amusing little story is told in con-
nection with a French journalist, who
in his early days as reporter had a
deeply rooted aversion to the regulation
notebook of his order, and hit upon O
method of taking notes which afforded
him great satisfaction.
He wore large white linen cuffs, and
upon them, by the aid Of tiny pencil,
he took down his notes and impressions
In all sorts Of places, uDobserved by
those around him.
At first his laundress was greatly puz.
zled by these peculiar concentrations,
but as time went on she learned to de-
cipher many Of them, and gathered the
news of the week from her patron 4
cuffs, much to her delight.
One night, when she took home the
washing, the journalist CHANGED to be
coming out of his room as she entered.
"Ah, monsieur" she said, dropping o
courtesy, your last washing was very
interesting, but we had less political
news than the week before. Is it not SOP
London Tit Bits.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
E,EcfRlclIV AT SEA.
t.sss Prove That the White Light IL By
Far the Most Easily Seen.

Far the Most Easily Seen.
Some interesting experiments have
been made on the visibility Of the cleo
Uic light at sea by the governments "
She United States, Germany and the
Netherlands. The word visible" in the
report on the tests means visible ON a
dark night with clear atmosphere.
The result Of the experience Of the Ger
man committee was that white light
o. one candle power was visible IA
miles ON a dark, clear night and one
mile on rainy hight
The American tests resulted as fol-
lows. In very clear weather light Of
one candle power was plainly visible at
one nautical mile; one of three candle
power at two miles; one Of ten candle
power was seen by the aid OF binoo
olar at four miles; one Of 30 candle
power family at five miles and one OF
So candle power plainly at five miles.
On an exceptionally clear night white
light Of BE- candle power was readily
distinguished at three miles; one of 8. 9
candle power at four miles and one Of
ls.2 candle power at five miles.
In the Dutch experiments the results
were almost similar. hut n 10 candle
power lignt was plainly visible at five
miles. For green light the power re-
qul1ed was two for one mile, is for two
miles, 81 for three miles and l06 for
four miles. The results Of tests with q
red light were almost identical With
those with green, but it was conclusive
ly proved that white light was by fu
io most east! y seen. { hicago RECORD
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
STORY ABOUT LINCOLN.
Senator John NJ. Palmer Tells OF Their
First and Last Meetings.

senator John NJ. Palmer Tells of Their
First and Last Meetings.
1.-THE first time met Mr.. Lincoln, "
said Senator Palmer of Illinois, twas
in 1889. when / went to Springfield to
be admitted to the bar. He was already
recognized as a Wing leader. He wore,
/ remember, a suit of linsey woolsey
that could not have been worth moro
than IS, even in those days. The last
time / saw him was in February of
1865. had come to Washington, at the
request of the governor, to complain
that Illinois had been credited with 49,
600 too few troops. l saw Mr.. Lincoln
one afternoon, and he asked me to come
again in the morning. The next morn
ing sat in the anteroom while several
officers were received. At length was
told to enter the presidents room. Mr..
Lincoln was i'll the hands Of the barber.
"'Come in, Palmer he called out.
come in. You're home folks. l can
shave before you. Icouldn't before those
others, and l have to do it some time
1--WE chatted about various matters,
and at length l said, Well, Mr.. Lin
coin, if anybody had told me that in a
great crisis like this the people were
going out to little one horse town and
pick out one horse lawyer for presi-
dent, wouldn't have believed it.
''Mr. Lincoln whirled about in his
chair, his face white with lather and a
towel under his chin. At first thought
he was angry. Sweeping the barber
away, he leaned forward, and, placing
one hand ON my knee, said.
"'Neither would /, but it was time
when man with a policy would have
been fatal to the country. have never
had a policy. have simply tried to do
what seemed best each day as eanh day
came. '"-New York Sun.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
Napoleon's Slight to Plus VII,

In due time the venerable traveller
reached Fontainebleau. AS the pope had
come to Paris and the emperor had not
as of old gone to Rome so by another
reversal the prodigal SOD had this time
come out to meet his spiritual father.
he was in hunting costume. ard seemed
by accident to meet the pope's carriage
as it traversed the forest. Against his
loud protestations the successor of ST.
Peter alighted with satin shoes and robes
Of state upon the muddy ground. But
the emperor. though prodigal, was not
repentant. for after his first ELUSIVE
greeting little acts Of contemptuous dis
courtesy-such, for example, as himself
taking the seat of honor in the carriage
which they entered together-showed
that this late successor Of Charles the
Great was no second Henry ~, who
thought crown we'll worth mass, but
an Otto or a Henry LII, determined tc
assert the secular supremacy against any
assumption recalling the pretensions OF
Gregory VII. professor w. NJ. Sloane &
Life of Napoleon" in Century.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05

There is no question that our fore
fathers supposed that benefit might be
derived from causing schoolboys to be
spectators of the hanging of criminals.
Sir Walter Scott had borne testimony
to this custom being not unknown in
Scotland. In "Ths Heart of Midlothian"
Mr.. Saddletree is represented as saying I
promised to ask half play day TO the
schule. so that the BARNS might gang and sec
the hanging, which Gamma but have pleasing
effect on their young minds, seeing there Is no
knowing what they may come to themselves
Chapter 49,
Sir Walter would not, we may as.
sumo. have written the above had he
not known that such things had actual.
ly taken place Notes and Queries.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
He Tried 1t a SeCnad T,nia

A new story Of tho late John r.
Spaulding, illustrating h's unlimited
generosity and original methods Of dis
tributing it, was told tho Saunteror the
other day.
The sugar king" Of Broad street was
Acontlrmed bachelor, us everybody we'll
New. His brother, tho lato Mahlon d.
steplding, used to 1.-Two in Beacon street.
Ead was the father of happy family.
At the birth Of the first child word was
sent to the rich uncle that the boy had
been named after him, John p. Spauld-
ing, ed" Uncle John responded with q
check for $40, 900. A couple OF years
later another heir was born, this time a
girl, and Uncle John was again notified
that the little daughter had been named
after him. This was a stickler for the
uncle. and he wrote for particulars. A
day or two afterward he received a re-
ply. something in these words: There
is really no mistake. We named our lit.
tie daughter 'Spaulding'-after you.
Uncle John sent another $40, 200 check.
Boston Budget.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1897-08-05
"Ouite English. YOu knowir

"Give me ticket to Helephant," a
forid English gentleman is reported to
have said to one of the busy clerks at
the Union station, St. Louis. The clerk
looked puzzled for moment and then
said Are you sure you want to go to
Helephant? / don't know of any such
place on our line. =" Awe, man, dosl
thou think IN a bloomin fool! want to
20 TO Hontario, and they said must &c
TO Helephant and Niag'ry Falls. 1--WE
could send You by way of Buffalo, d." said
the impatient clerk. awe, blast me
eyes, Buffalo! That the cussed place.
knew it was some kind of a blarsteo
hanimal. Give me ticket to Buffalo,
not to Helephant "--Exchange.