The Dickinson press., 1897-08-14

udV uo 1odCuoU tu0 CuTD CuaU No 0oQxO
a woman's voice from the second story
window telling him to unload the wood.
In three minutes the wood was on the
sidewalk and the man at the door. The
lady Of the house denied having ordered
1t to be dumped there, but finally an
Idea struck her that the ordering might
have been the parrots work. So she
paid the man, went up stairs, and In
The shortest space Of time had twisted
ahe birds neck and tossed him out Of
the window.
The parrot lay still for awhile, and
then, with an uncertain effort, got on
his feet and discovered himself a near
neighbor to dead cat. He squared
around and looked the animal over and
In most sympathetic voice said:
Hello, sport! Whose wood have you
been ordering3"
Fun With Phonograph.
The man who looks after the ma.
chimes in the phonograph parlors on the
avenue has funny experiences with Wis.,
itors from the deepest backwoods. Re-
Gently, he says, man came in and re-
garded the machines intently for
awhile. He saw how the nickel was
dropped in the slot and saw persons
stand with their ears near the brass
horns from the talking machines. FL
nally he edged over to a kinetoscope,
dropped In q coin and literally glued
his ear to the eyehole. When the
machine stopped, he Strengthened up
and said to an attendant, "Well,
young feller, that's the derndest fine
imitation Of the drum corps down to
our town that ever did hear" And
the attendant laughed go hard he
couldn't sraighten out his face to tell
the old man his mistake.
Dapper Dudes outdons.
A funny thing happened at the White
House grounds on a recent evening.
The crowds were coming out Of the
gates at the conclusion Of the concert.
Two flashily dressed young men had
been making themselves very conspicu-
ous along the promenade by their loud
laughter and affected talking. They
followed closely to the gate three
young ladies, who by their mortified air
showed that the company in the rear
was not desirable.
Just outside the gate cabby stood
beside his carriage. The callow youths
stood a moment until an unusually
large bevy Of pretty girls came by and
then sprang into the vehicle and loudly
ordered the driver to take them to q
we'll known restaurant. Quick as fash
the cabby called out in tones loud
enough to be heard on the avenue:
"Take you Willies? Well, Iguess nit.
Pay me de so cents you still owes me
from two weeks ago, an I'll talk to you.
Git out Of de wagon now; de crowds
on to you."
The shamefaoed boys got out in
short order and quickly lost themselves
in the crowd, while the girls giggled
all the way to the corner.
After Many Years.
Colonel William Barbour, proprietor
Of the great Barbour thread words at
Paterson, N. j., had a very remarkable
experience while visiting the capital re-
Gently.
It was at the end Of a warm day, and
Colonel Barbour walked from his hotel
into Jefferson square and sat down on
a bench to smoke cigar. Presently a
gentleman sat down beside him. The
two began to chat, and the newcomer
announced that he was Cuban.
II never knew but one Cuban for
whom I cared anything at ALL" said
Colonel Barbour casually, land his
name was Edward Delgardo."
The man jumped up and uttered an
exclamation. II am that man, {" he said.
It was now Colonel Barbour's turn to
be surprised, but he naturally would
not accept the statement until he had
received complete Identification. There
was no mistake. Years and years ago
Colonel Barbour went to school at New
port, r. l., and one Of his chums was a
young Cuban, the son Of rich parents,
who was being educated in the United
States. After school the lads parted.
They did not meet again for 25 years,
and then they came together in this
strange fashion on a bench in McPher-
son square.
It is said that Mark Hanna is telling
this story on himself:
When Hanna was chatting with the
president one evening not long ago con-
cerning MI. McKinley's plans for his
vacation, the president said that he
thought he would like to spend part of
his vacation at some place where he
could learn to swim.
II should be very glad to teach you, I"
said Hanna. a&
"Mark, " the president is reported to
have answered, II should be- glad 20
have your assistance, but won't you
have your hands full in trying tokeep
yourself afoat this fall7''
CARL scHoE1HIn