The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-07-14

90 PER ANNUM.
THE M ERRY SIDEOF LIFE,
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF. THE PRESS.
An Up-to-Date woOer-Benny's Question:
Made No saIe-One Exception--A Ger
tain sign-An Assuranee-Full size-A
Criterion-No Difference. Etc. Etc.
Alas, tits true" said he, "that am all un-
known to fame;
No paper prints my picture and no bard
extols my name.
But proudly am mentioned In one book;
and II, some day,
You've time wish you'd notice that my
credit is o. X"
Washington Star.
One Exception.
Flip--"A man should never use big
words"
p-"Unless, of course, he has
only little things to say. Life.
A Certain Sign.
Friend-''What grounds have you
Tor believing that your novel is a work
Of genius?"
-''Twenty-seven publishers
have refused it. Life.
Made No Sale.
Salesman-"Now, here is a wheel
that has all the latest improvements. :"
Tyro-"They tell me all want is
confidence. If it has got that, think
I'll take it."-Boston Transcript.
Benny's Question.
"Papa," said Benny Bloobum-
per.
''Well, Benny?"
''Do you call your horse cob be-
cause he is so fond of corn?"-Life.
Full Sire.
Tommie-"A "Auntie, mamma bought
me pair of gloves to-day"
Auntie---"'Did she, TommieP What
are they, kids?"
Tommie-"No, indeed; they're
mems. "--Harper's Bazaar.
A Criterion.
Drummer fellow, Lazen-
berry, lounging over there, is of very
little account, isn't hep
Squam Corners Merchant "Little
account? Why, he's 80 worthless that
he's the most expert whittier in the
village. Judge.
No Difference.
Voluble Barber-"I intend to put q
phonograph in my shop and to run il
constantly for the benefit of my Gus.
toners. What do you think of the
idea?"
Crusty-"Humph! I suppose on,
talking machine is as good as another.
Judge.
Those Puzzling Bicycle Suits.
The policeman raped loudly at the
door, and when the servant opened it
said
"Is Mrs. Swelling at home?"
''No, but Mr.. Swelling is"
''Then tell him his wife's beer
knocked senseless in bicycle col
lision. Truth.
Dyspepsia.
Mr.. Newwed-"T There is no us'
talking-I won't eat any more of youi
cookingr"
Mrs. Newwed (tearfully)-"AnC
you-you said-you were willing to di'
die for mel''
"But, madame, there are worse
things than death Life.
An Assurance.
"Of course" said the man of genius,
"you understand that 1 devote myself
exclusively to art in its highest appli
cations"
''This is right in your line, replied
Mr.. Cumrox, encouragingly. "Wha'
[ want is to have a couple OF ceilings
irescoed. Washington Star.
The Hot One.
jay Green with dignity)-"I ain
a-goin' to call on Widow Grimm
daughter any more, unless the old lad,
acts different from the way she don'
the last time went there"
Josh Medders-"Ho was 1t
Did she get hot about it?"
Jay Green-'No; but l didl Sh'
flung a dipper of scaldin' water on mi
as soon as she saw who it was that wa
at the doori'-Puek.
Wen, We Should Think So.
Mr.. Lionel Brough tells an amusing
story of how he once met small bo,
in Bradford crying bitterly.
"What are you crying for, my littl
man?" he asked kindly.
"My feyther's been welting me. "
"Well, 1 shouldn't cry like that If
were you.
Eyes, tina would, if thy feyther wer
Z big drum beater in factory band.
London Tit.Bits.
That Was Different.
''Young man" said the fond father
Gin giving you my daughter have IN