Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-07-16
HUMOROUS.

"Cau your friend play the yiolin?"
"No, confound him, but he does.
she-I think it is cruel to catch
fish. He-But I'm not catching any.
I'm merely feeding them.
The Husband Have you any invisi-
BILE wells? The Salcslady Yes, sir.
1t is impossible to see them. "rd
like to look at some"
Bobby Ito his little sister, Edith,
you are the biggest goose ever saw
Mamma severely Bobby, you seem
to forget your mothers presence.
George, father has failed. " CHATS
just like himi l told you all along,
darling, that he was going to do all he
could to keep us from marrying
The Strong Minded One Ny dear
child, you ougit to join us. You
want vote, don't you? The Pretty
One-No-o; L guess voter will do
me.
Hoiak-Do you think that nayiga-
ton of the air will ever be success?
Tomdik-Certainly. All that is nee
essary is to obtain repeal of the law
of gravitation.
where's that son of yours, Mrs.
Mulrany, that went to London?"
"Well. sir, they tell me as 'e's carry
ing all before him. 'Indeedi' 'E's
waiter, sir"
Freshly Professor, is it ever posi-
BILE to take the greater from the less?'
Professor Potterby-There is a pretty
close approach to it when the conceit
is taken ont of a freshman.
She-Now, why couldn't that con-
duotor just as well have stopped at the
corner where you asked him to stop?
He-Perhaps there was some one
waiting to get on at that corner.
1.-TWO hours of sleep before mid
night are better than four after that
hour" "Fildlesticks! Two hours of
sleep after one is called in the morn
ing are better than all the others"
Beggar-Can you help a poor man
to Pedestrian think You have
touched me before Beggar Possibly,
sir-possibly. You see I'm strand
ed photographer, and the old habit Of
retouching clings, sir.
jones How much do you pay your
typewriter? Brown--Shl / used to
pay her fifteen dollars a week. Jones
But how much do you pay her now?
Brown-Shl She allows me fifteen
dollars a week, nowhere married.
Violet-How did Mr.. Bighed come
to accept the doctrine of reincarnation?
Roosevelt, you know he always had
an impression that the world couldn't
get along without him, and if that is
so, it stands to reason that he must
come back.
The Parson-Your neighbor looks
like a very persistent man. He
doesn't look as if he would give up
anything. The Deacon Well, I've
been passin' the plate for hard on ten
years, and never see him give up
anything yet.
"Ah, the memories of childhoodr'
exclaimed Bifkins. 81 was mischie-
vous boy, and many time went to
bed without my supper" "Humphr
murmured Adolphus Ichabod, trage-
dian. 'Nor do ! have to return to
happy childhood's days to conjure up
such recollections.
Miss Passe-I accepted Dick Brad
ford last night Miss Younge
| expected it. Miss Passe Why?
Miss Younge Because, when | re-
fused him, he said the next time he
would propose to some one old enough
to know her own mind.
Ella-You know l have oaly Just
arrived and haven't learned the ropes
yet You must tell me everything.
Now, at what hour in the morning do
the girls go in bathing? Stella That
depends on the one man here; when
ever he happens to get out on the
beach.
Young man, said the statesman, 81
decline to be interviewed. " The
hopeful reporter looked sad 81 al
ways interview myself" the states
man explained at Is a great plan
for missing mistakes. just sit down
and will have your copy ready in
about twenty minutes.
Little Teddie-I guess sister Laura
likes you pretty well, Mr.. Twiddle.
Charles Twiddle - Indeed? Come,
now, my little man, what makes you
think SO? Little Teddie When Sue
Dollyers ana her was talkin' about
you yistady, she Just kept calm you
- . .