Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-05-16
QUEER SLIPS OF THE TONGUE.

Funny Mistakes of Language Picked
From Various Planes of Life.
A transposition of two or more letters,
or the mistakes Of hasty pronunciation,
offer a miscellaneous comic literature
that, from its very absurdity, is worth
collecting. Take for instance this ex-
tract from a brides letter Of thanks:
Your beautiful clock has been received
| and is now in the drawing room on our
| mantlepiece, where we hope TO see you
often"
The literature of advertisements is
sometimes as humorous as the sayings
of the funniest man. In the far west a
man advertises for woman Ito wash,
iron and milk two cows A rather
| ghOsJly humOr surrounds the announce
ment Of an enterprising undertaken,
who says in the daily paper: No per-
son who has once tried our air-tight
| caskets will ever use any other"
\ dry goods firm put placard in the
window, which read: Bargain sale
now going on. Don't go elsewhere to be
| cheated; come in here"
I 4 compilation of curious advertise
/ ments results in the following:
"Wanted-An organist and boy to
/ blow the same
''Wanted-A boy who can open oys-
ters with a reference.
"A lady desires TO sell her piano as
she is going abroad in a strong iron
frame"
Widow in comfortable circumstances
wishes to marry two sons"
Bulldog for sale; will eat anything;
very fond of children"
A dentist advertises: Teeth extract
ed with great pains There is delic-
iouS humor in the description Of "a
young man who sold peaches with red
! hair"
The mistakes of speech are sometimes
amusing to all except the embarrassed
speaker. For instance that of the in
significant youth who was introduced to
a distinguished lady, and completely
transposed the meaning of his elaborate
address when he bowed low and said:
Il think. madam. you have had the
pleasure of meeting me before" Or
that of the charming elOcutiOnist who
thus rendered the climax of the heroic
poem she was reciting: GO, your liver
loves" said Cromwell. "Curfew shall
not ring tonight" And the mishap Of
the smart boy Of the village, who spoke
his thuswise:
Under the spreading blacksmith tree
The village chestnut stands.
Then comes the slips of reverend ton
CUES. when it is wicked TO laugh, and
worse not to- for who could preserve a
normal gravity on hearing the hymn,
"Conquering kings" given out as kin
kering congs." or the fig tree" trans
ported into the wig tree and not feel
a sinful inclination to laugh? And the
parson who took for his text, Bow not
thou knee to an old idol" and read it
to his congregation. Bow not thine eye
to a needle" must have been chagrined
TO see the smiles follow, and not know
why. SO with another of the cloth who
intended to read, This world is all a
feating show" but by slip of the ton
que rendered it thus: This world is
all a floating show"
One can imagine the embarrassment
of the grand lady who, finding strang-
er in her pew. asked him haughtily if he
intended to occupy that pie An Ok
lahoma editor expressed his thanks for
a basket of oranges in this strain: I'VE
have received basket of oranges from
our friend Fred Bradley, for which he
will please accept our compliments,
some of which are nearly six inches IN
diameter Exchange.