The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-10-09

GRecording secretary w. G.. r. III
Brave men and fair women bend before
il. Who can make love TO a girl who
snufiles? Or who can admire a man
with a swollen nose and his eyes SWIM
ming with water? Everybody has a
different remedy. Hot Scotch and
foot bath is oftenest recommended by
the men, while some sort OF a plaster
and black draught, or Dover's pow
der, or a large dose of quinine and hot
lemonade are advised by the women
folks. | don't approve of women doc
tors any more than do OF women law
yers. but | like 10 hear the amateur ex-
plot her knowledge and try her doses
on some innocent victim. For this rea-
son. and this only. / am willing to tell
the world at large what I advise for
cold. First dress your chest in a mus
tard plaster Wear ii until you have
an idea how 1t must feel to be in the
inferno while a little host of devils di-
rect that all the fire shall be aimed at
your chest and that alone. Then take
a black draught. A black draught is
truthful i'm it's name. IT is as black as
the ace of spades. and IL tastes and
smells like a combination of a photo
graph gallery and the morgue. But It's
wonderful in its effect. Some people
take a bottleful Of it as dose. but they
belong To a race OF giants: others con-
sumo the half Of bottle. but / only
advise two tabespoonfus. After the
joys of the mustard plaster and the
bliss OF the black draught sleep with a
hot water bag-let ii be a movable
liss--perambulating around wherever
you may feel chilly. This treatment
viii cure a cold and is the only one |
recommend under any circumstances.
IT is true that some people prefer 10
have the cold. but they are the people
who do not really enjoy life at it's full
est. There are always unpleasant peo-
pie i'm this world-peope who don't
think Just as YOU do. It's like the good
and the bad men-the men we like are
good men. and the men we don't like
are bad men.
IL Is unpleasant when you think you
are entertaining people by giving them
your opinion Of "A book TO have some
foot say: Il didn't know you'd ever set
up for critic. What's your claim?
Lack OF BRAIN"
IL is unpleasant when you know that
your fox terriers pedigree hasn't sim
gle bar sinister I'm IL 90 have somebody
ask, Where did you get that cur"
your money i'm a well fitting trig cloth
gown 90 have some man say "A wo-
man never seems womanly TO me un-
less she wears silks and laces."
1t is unpleasant when you do know
Just how much money you have spent
and just how much you started with
and YOU try 20 straighten an account.
only TO nnd that you have spent more
money than YOU had and there's still rs
cents in your purse. 10 have a man look
at you and wonder audibly, lis there
any woman I'm the world who knows the
multiplication table?"
IL is unpleasant when you like some
body 10 have somebody else wonder
what YOU can see i'm him: or when You
enjoy a play TO have somebody wonder
how such triies could amuse you. or
when you eat bit OF candy 10 have
them ask how a sensible woman can
consume such stun and then tell You
what it's made Of. All these things are
very unpleasant. However, they DO ex-
list. and the only thing thai one can do
Is To- smile and ignore them. AT least
that's the policy of