Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1897-10-02

form the acquaintance of bad char
acters.
1t now appears that Tommy not only
made room for his uncle but for his
papa too.
Dcnver's fortbo5ming Festival OF
mountain and Plain Will be a nigh put
by no means plain affair
An easy way to join a labor union
marry a poor mans widow and be-
come father to her ten children.
No; John stubbs does not always
talk as he did in the Democratic con-
Nention. He usually talks n great deal
more.
Omce-seekers will find relief I'm
dose of medicine specially calculated
to cure those afflicted with chronic
diseases.
salt Lake has a minister who plays
the VIOLIN a member of his flock re-
ferred to him the other day as a nd
die ID. D."
II there is any getting In, the Chinese
are sure to find It out, as witness their
methods in avoiding the Geary exclu-
sion laws.
In the Sandwich Islands the law pre-
scribes death to the mother-in-law who
visits her daughter without the hus-
bands permission.
The popular card game in Texas is
where one man holds the cards, the
other holds n revolver, and the coro-
ner holds the inquest.
The Kansan whose harvest was car
vi a1t Int. -
perienced rise in farm products that
was entirely too high for him.
It's n fact that the average girl is
moro concerned as to how her lover APP
pears in the eyes OF others than
whether she loves him herself.
The men who are hocling to Klon-
dixie are equipped with greater sup
ply OF hope than provisions, al of
which shows poor provision on their
part.
one reason why so many young men
remain single is because they spend so
much money on their girls that they
haven't enough left with which to buy
marriage license.
The young chap who stays at his
prospective Authoritative and burns
the gas until IL O'Clock every night,
can scarcely expect the old man to
think he has much go about him.
Webster defines suicide as the act of
deslgnedly destroying ones own life,
cammitted by n person OF discretion
and of sound mind. How sound mind
ed the people of this 10th century must
be.
An exchange says the poor country
obi 10
cept by his professed friends. Wen
may he say. If held up by n highway
man, Il haven't my money with me;
my tardy subscribers have it. They
got in ahead of you.
Here is how a Boston girl defines the
meaning of a laugh: "A side split
ting recreational exercise; the sudden
Impression of n bold ludicrosity upon
our ordinary mental rectitude, upsets
the very foundation of our gravity and
the unrestrained torrent of emotive
drollery sweeps us away"
The Evanston News Register philo-
sophizes in this manner: III men are
the salt of the earth. women are I'M
doubtedly the sugar thereof. Salt is
necessity-Sugar a luxury. Vicious
men are saltpeter stern men are rock
salt. nice men are table salt. Old
maids are brown sugar, good-natured
matrons loaf-sugar and pretty girls
the fine pulverized sugar. Pass the
pulverized sugar please.
A young lady of Willard is said. by
the Willard Progress, to have accepted
young mans invitation to go out
riding. During the ride the subject Of
fortune telling was introduced and he
asked her If she believed In palmistry.
She replied: Il believe II could see
both lines in one of your hands l
could fortel that we would have n
most delightful time during the drive"
| The young man Immediately took the
| two lines in the right hand and the
| situation in the left. and the delight
| full time" was realized.