The record-union., 1897-08-12

/
plays etc.
And what do you live on?'-Flie-
| gende Blaetter.
He-What do you think of our new
cook, dear?
She - She's just lovely; why, she
doesn't even want the piano moved to
! her room.-Up-to-D Date.
Carlyle says people are mostly
fools'
Emerson says we are responsible for
the kind of acquaintance we attract" !"
Chicago Record.
What a tough face that young fel-
low has! Don't you think SOP"
Think so? l know it. 1 tried to
! break it once ''-Cincinnati ENQUIRER
Il hear Miss Evangate's new play is
historic one"
why not? She's getting somewhat
historic herself Cincinnati Enquirer
II don't believe Longfellow ever knew
much about children - grumbled Cumso
at 6 O'Clock in the morning, as a series
of yells burst upon his ears. Talk
about the children's hour being at twi-
| light! !"-Harper's Bazar.
Papa" said Billy, tearfully after a
playful romp with the good-natured but
rather rough st. Bernard puppy, Il
don't believe Bingo knows what kind
/ of dog he is He plays as if he
thought he was a little pug. "-Harper's $
| Bazaar.
Lady of the House-Your company is
no good.
Insurance Agent-Why do you say
! that?
Lady of the House-Well, my hus-
band has been paying it premiums for
three years and isn't dead yet.-New
York World.
The Tramp-Can you give me some
! thing light to eat?
The Lady-Something light?
| "Yes'm; something besides bread. I
/ got some of your bread last week. -
Yonkers Statesman.
You protest that you love me, En-
| lily, but I'm still waiting for the first
kiss"
Well why do you wait?"- -Flegende
Blaetter.
What a purse proud old wretch
Grubber isl"
We'll, you can't blame him. He
| hasn't anything else to be proud 81
| Pick-M -Me-Up.
What said the Judge, "do you ex-
pect me to send your husband to prison
when you acknowledge that you threw
| five fiat-iroIss at him, and he only threw
one at you'll
Yes; that's all right Judge said
the irate Irish woman; "but then the
| one he threw hit me.'-Harper'S BaZar.
''I wonder why they call the expenses
of a church the running expenses?" said
Mrs Martin.
"I suppose it's because the vestry-
men are never able to catch UP with
them," answered her husband.-Har-
pers Bazar.
She-Father says we shall have TO
economize at our wedding.
He - Well We'll be married in the
daytime, and save the gas.-Y Yonker's
Statesman
81 might give you a place as floor
walker said the merchant TO the ap-
plicant for situation, 'if you had only
any experience"
We'll, sir replied the seeker after
work. II am the father of ten children,
l-including three sets of twins. Louis
Vile CourierJournal.
well, Johnnie. I hear you go to school
now"
Yes"
What part of it do you like best?''
Comm home Tit Bits
rs it a home-like place where you
are going, Mrs. Gamsby?"
Well hope not; when I go away
in the summer 1 want to find things
good deal better than We can afford to
have them at home Brooklyn Life.
Mother-Now. Tommy. take this piece
of brides cake. put it under your pill
low and dream on it.
H}-l II w SOOd ACe~1 AAASA~
dreaming if 1 eat it.-Detroit Free
Press. 4
Does he refuse the nomination."
Yes. He says he does not care to
go into politics.
Why not?''
He doesn't want his wife to find out
all about his past. Chicago Post.
The Minister'S Wife-I'r. Gtrsid that
Mr.. Skinfiint doesn't --Se that the
Lord loves a cheerful giver.
The Minister-Oh, don't know. The
less he gives, the more cheerfuly he
gives it.-Brooklyn Life.