davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14
Trains without Rails.

Experiments which are described "a
satisfactory have recently been made
in the suburbs of Paris with a train,
drawn by steam locomotive, running
not on rails but on an ordinary road.
The train used at present consists of
only two cars, one of which contains
the locomotive machinery, together
with seats for II passengers, while the
other has 81 seats. The engine is of
16-horse power and the average speed
is about seven miles an hour. The
train is able to turn in a circle only %
feet in diameter. Another train has
been constructed for the conveyance
OF freight. 1t is hoped by the inventors
that trains of this kind will be extern
siyely employed in and near Cities
Youths Companion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

THE proof of it is thousands say st.
Jacobs Oil cured us of neuralgia.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14
So-To-Bac for Fifty Cent,

Over 10000 cured Why not let No-To-B BAG
regulate or remove your desire for tobacco.
Saves money, makes health and manhood.
Cure guaranteed, soc and sl.0O, all druggists.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

A MAN never gets too old TO talk silly
about his love affairs. Washington Dem
oCrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

THE Public Awards the Palm TO Hale's
Honey OF Horehound and Tar for coughs.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14
Tha I,yerv 81 R;,,onsne..

WHzN some men get hurt they take so
much pleasure ia telling about it that they
do not seem to mind the injury.
Glnha
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

WHAT a difference between the woman
you hate and the woman you lovei
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

DURING slippery weather. pray less, and
put more ashes on YOU. sidewalk.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

a MANis young SO long rs he enjoys be-
ing out OF doors no matter what the weather
-Atchison Globe
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

NoopLE-"I find it very hard work to coll
lect my thoughts" Maud-"Papa SAYS it is
always difficult to recover small amounts."l
Truth.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

OCCASIONALLY a worm turns and finds an
early bird waiting togobble 1t.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

AT once use ST. Jacobs Oil for sprains
AT once IL will cure.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

jest try a Toe. box of Cascarets candy ca
thartic, finest liver aud bowel regulator made
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

WIrn a rub or two lumbago is often cured
by St. Jacobs OIL.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1897-01-14

As 1T certainly cures 1t, st. Jacobs OIL lie
the Master Cure for rheumatism.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
NO MORE NEW BUSINESS.

The Self-Sufhcient Cluo IS composed
entirely Of women. L. has its Cunstl-
tuition and bylaws and processes 10 dc
business in accordance with The rules
laid down in Cushing's Manual, but
thus far it has been unable &C sabordin-
ate the love of free spea ch to me re-
quirements of parliamentary usages.
In fact, it has never gotten beyond
new business" since organized, says
the Detroit Free Press.
1t was while working under this head
the other evening that Mrs. Snobs.
large and impressive, rose to question
of privilege.
Il object snapped little Miss Hit
tom, whose husband is a lawyer. It's
not new business for Mrs. SnoDs TO talk.
She's always at it, Nine-tenthS of the
time of this club has been taken up in
listening to her with her questions OF
privilege and points of order
During the applause that followed
this sally, Mrs. Snobs glared and re-
moved her bonnet in the same spirit
that an angry man rolls up his sleeves.
For half an hour she poured hot shot
into the ranke of the offenders, making
a special target of Mrs. Hilton, who
raised point of order every two mill
utes, but could not get hearing.
Mrs Speaker" shouted 2O0-pound
woman from the rear OF the room,
"have you no backbone, or are you
ignorant? Sister Snobs ro:s to a ques-
ton of privilege, yet she has been yell
ing and jawing away as though this
club had hired hea to do its talking.
It's about time that some of the rest
of us had a chance; and for twenty
minutes the stout lady held the floor
against all corners. Then Indignation
gave way to a babel of voices, protests
nd denunciations that ended in noisy
adjournment. Now the executive COM
mittee announces that nothing will
hereafter be done under the head Of
new business
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28

sadly handicapped his speed. The tails
of his cutaWay coat spread out behind
and his eyes seemed to be popping
through his glasses. The crowd on
board was intensely interested. Men
leaned over the rail and shouted:
"'Ceme along, old chap! Hit her
up. Spread your stride and you can
make it! Look out you don't inter-
fere! That's more like it, and by this
time the little man struck pace that
babe fair to land him a winner.
Unfortunately, the Blue Bird had
been united and she was drifting slow
ly from the pier. The little man was
determined not to get left, however,
and as he reached the pier he gave the
Gladstone bag swing and let. her go.
The bag scared gracefully over the rail
and landed On the deck. Its owner had
expended his momentum in that effort
and when he saw that it was successful
he stepped back few PAGES, ran to the
edge of the pier and sprang towards
the boat. The smile that had gathered
on his face when he saw the bag safely
landed faded when he found himself in
the air midway between the pier and
the boat.
SllLHD up. GllOulCo ShC SiONu VI
the rail, and then seeing that he had
misjudged his distance it emitted
loud 'Ah-h-h.' as the little man shot
down into the water with loud splash.
A deck hand, who had foreseen this
fiasco, leaned over the rail with a long
boat-hook, fastened into the back Of the
little mans cutaway coat as he came to
the surface. and with the assistance Of
IL. Tbn
shock of the cold water and the eXhaus-
ton after his long run had used him
up completely. He was carried down
into the engine room to dry his clothes
The captain gave the signal to go ahead
full speed and the passengers got to-
gether and talked it over. We voted
that the little man was plucky, and that
he was fortunate in escaping with his
life. l was particularly interested in
him, and half an hour later | went down
to the engine room to congratulate him
| saw him sitting beside the engine with
his chin sunk in his hands, the picture
of detection. | thought it was because
of his wetting. AS l stepped toward
him the engineer came forward and
stopped.
"'Sh-h-h, he said, don't disturb
him.
81 simply wanted to congratulate
him.
Don't do it, said the engineer,
he's in trouble enough
He will dry his clothes in an hour
l said, and he's got the Blue Bird
"'Sh-h-h! don't speak so loud, said
the engineer. 1t was the Black Bird
that he wanted, and she was tied up to
the dock all the time
II sneaked upstairs, and I'll never
bother to offer congratulations to a
stranger again.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
COW AND SHERIFF.

The Atlanta Constitution tells of a
Sheriff in the rural districts who at
tempted to levy scrub" COW, the pro-
perty of Georgia negro, who told the
story as follows:
Yes, sub, dat COW wuz de mos gen.
tlest COW l ever did see, tell dat day de
Sheriff come for to foreclose her. Dat
'peared ter upset her complete!
de Sheriff walk up, berry polite, wild
de rope in his ham, sayin', so, now
SO, now!' de COW backin' down FUN
him all de time.
"She didn't run-she DIES backed, en-
sorter shake her head, ez much es ter
say! Look heah, man, you better not
fool roun' mel
Den, the fust ting de Sheriff know
he didn't know nuttin', but him en- de
rope went up in de elements at one en-
de same time!"
WAS he badly hurt?"
eve never did know, sub, kase he
never did come down any MOI"
And the cow"
ooh, she roun' heah yit, sub. She in
her OF age now, but she pears ter be
enj'ying er good health, en- des err gen
tie ez kin be ter dem what know herr
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28

them, so I've got it all fixed for you.
In my muff-
"Well?"
"In my muff you will find nice lit
tie bottle that holds just about enough
for all the intermissions tonight, and
I'd a good deal rather see you drink
from that right here in the theatre
than beat path over the corns that
lie between you and the aisle. There!
Amt / a nice, thoughtful wife,"
But he looked at her coldly and de-
manded:
..Who said / wanted to go out be-
tween the acts?"
why, thought"
What business had you to think
anything about it? What business
have you to get the idea into your
head that your husband is slave to
any habit? l never even thought of
going out"
TBut you said"
"Neyer said anything of the kind"
And he drew himself up with an air Of
virtuous indignation, gritted his teeth
and prepared to put in the longest even
ing he had known in fifteen years.
His wife said nothing, but to the man
who sat on the other side of her 1t
looked as If she were laughing.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
NO CONGRATULATIONS.

"a little incident of my vacation this
summer taught me the absurdity of vol
unteering congratulations to a man
when apparently he is target for them
unless you know all of the circum-
stances in the case" said Joe Watson,
to a New York Sun reporter Nov,
you might naturally suppose that man
who had had a narrow escape from
death would be pleased to receive con-
CALCULATIONS, wouldn't you? That isn't
always true:
I'VE struck the st. Lawrence river at
a port from which several boats were
going to leave on the morning of our
arrival. The Blue Bird-that isn't her
name, of course-was our S0at and she
was bound down the river. We made
close connections with the Blue Bird,
and the gang-plank was pulled aboard
just after we arrived. AS the deck
hands were throwing off the ropes, I
saw speck away up the village street
that was rapidly growing larger. 1t
was belated passenger. and he had
nearly an even chance to beat the deck
hands, who were lazily loosening the
steamer. AS he came nearer | saw that
he was small, and that he wore glasses
and carried a Gladstone bag, which
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
DOESN'T DESERVE HER

Blummer is just now in that frame
OF mind when a young man vows that
his heart is dead; that the is nothing
to live for; that he can never love
another woman, and all that kind of
stuff, says the Detroit Free Press
And to think that | had her." he
groans to his confidential friends. she
is the sweetest woman under the sun,
and she had promised to be mine. All
that | had to do was to get the Old
gentleman's consent, and that was dead
easy. They live about fifty miles up
the main line, and Whitley went with
me as a sort of moral support. In
the smoker we found no one but
mild-faced old gentleman, reading his
paper and smiling or frowning, just
as he was impressed by what he read.
OF course | was walking on air and
too full of good feeling to contain my
self. | engaged the old gentleman in
conversation, and we guyed him I'M
mercifully. There was nothing mali
cious about it, but we were having a
whole lot of fun with MIN in a smooth
way, even taking the address of his
rural tailor and the person who made
his shirts with turn-down collars at
tached
Il offered him cigar, but found I
had none, and Whitley supplied the
want. I'll give you my word | didn't
know the thing was loaded We
were laughing and chatting when there
came an explosion. 1t was not a mere
puff, but an explosion. 1t filled the air
with ashes and scattered tobacco
leaves. 1t blew the old gentleman's
eyebrows off and set his beard afire.
We saved most of his whiskers and
made the best apology we could while
trying to get our breath between
laughs. When I called on her father
that evening I found him in the old
gentleman with the beard trimmed
and eyebrows blackened I got out
just ahead of his boot. Confound that
Whitley"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
NO EXPLANATION NEEDED.

I'm not saying whether the spirits
of the departed reappear il the flesh,
declared the venrable visitor" to a De-
troit Free Press man, 'but | will vouch
for this chapter from my experience:
MY father was an independent
thinker and a spiritualist. AS boy |
was just as unhampered in my reading
as he, and lughed at the idea of any one
returning from beyond the grave. After
trying long and hard to convert me to
his views, he lost his temper and said
that at some time | would have an
awakening such as | could never forget.
One night | returned home late from a
hard-cider party and slipped my boots
off at the door so as to reach my room
as quietly as possible. Once there I
was startled by the presence of white
figure that seemed eight feet tall. In a
sepulchural voice and slow tone I was
arraigned for skepticism, charged with
unflial obstinacy and threatened with
condign punishment if | did not heed
the teachings of my father.
Natural boldness being stimulated
by hard cider | rallied, called the
ghost an old fool and burglar, told it
that | wanted to go to bed and served
notice that it must vanish or | would
begin breaking chairs over it. Suddenly
there was a miX-up. l seemed envelop-
ed in suffocating cloud of white,
kicked, bit, struck and wriggled while
| seemed to be tossing about in the
arms of a windmill Then there was a
rush, an execration, and all was still.
| said nothing of the affair for fear it
would furnish my father with more ar
guments. He did not leave the room
for several days Then there was
patch over his eye and his nose was
peeled. L offer no explanation, but the
story is a true one
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28

with them. / was afraid It wasn't
good form to eat them up, and was
afraid I'd choke If / tried to swallow
them whole, so ! had to let them go
away.
ern Congressman who came here at
the beginning of the last session of
Congress. He stayed at one Of the
large hotels, and arriving after the
dinner hour, he ordered supper served
in his room. HOLSTERS were on the
bill OF fare. Now, the Congressman
knew soysters and he knew clans.
HOLSTERS were classed with them, and
he determined to try the new delicacy
Bring me dozen HOLSTERS" he said
to the waiter. The walters eyes
stood out.
"Sah!" he gasped.
you heard me, didn't your" said
the Congressman, who hadn't the
mildest temper in the world. Il said
] wanted a dozen Holsters, didn't L?
Will have to have my orders print I'd
and bound and sent by mail? Didn't
I say / wanted a dozen lobsters?"
"Yas, sah," said the waiter, but it's
a large order"
Il ordered it, didn't II" snapped the
Congressman. Don't / look like a
man who knows what he wants? Did
l say I wanted a small order? l want
a dozen Holsters, l say"
Well, later three walters, or perhaps
it was four waiters-anyway, it SEEM
ed to the Congressman like labor
day parade of waiters-appeared bear
ing Holsters. The room fairly blushed
with Holsters. The Congressman was
taken aback, but seeing a grin on the
face of the foremost waiter, he drew
himself up and ordered the Holsters
set down. The walters departed. The
Congressman set down and ate Holsters
till the very thought of Holsters made
him groan. Then he opened his trunk
and filled it full of lobster meat. The
night was dark and rainy. The Con-
gresham opened his window and deft-
ly threw choice morsels into the street
1t took him nearly all night to do it,
but when the waiter was summoned he
fairly turned pale. There was one-half
of a lobster and a mighty pile of de-
bris. And the bill the Congressman
had to pay before he left with his
trunk full of lobster next day was
really cheap for the pleasure of see
ing the look of awe which came over
the walters face as the Congressman
remarked, carelessly:
Take these things away / wasn't
very hungry"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
WHY SHE SMILED.

The characters in the opera were
just coming up for the closing chorus
of the first act, says the Chicago Post,
when she leaned over toward him and
whispered:
John"
'Well?" he replied
THAT curtain will go down in a
minute" she asserted
Il know it," he replied.
'You know am opposed to drink
ing within reason, John"
Il promise you | shall not take more
than two, Mary"
"Oh, that's not it," she explained.
'The last time we were at the theatre
you tried to climb over me and step
ped on my corns."
81 will be very careful, Mary"
ooh, | don't mind that particularly"
she said "A woman has got to put up
with a good deal from the man she
marries, but she hates like everything
to put up with it from a man who is
not her husband. There are two
other women between you and the
aisle"
Il will be equally careful with
them"
Il know you will, John, but you will
still have to disturb them some, and
even that will mortify me, for | know
how they will feel OF course, realize
that a theatre would not be theatre
without the usual entr'acte pleasure,
and that might as we'll ask you to go
without breakfast as to go without
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28

bunch of white chrysanthemums.
Ihelr heads hung down and their
petals were half gone. He stopped
under a street lamp and looked at
them doubtfully. Then he shook them
vigorously.
Wake up, therei Have | gosh to
sprinkle you again?' he said, looking
at them reproaohfully. "F5h sprinkled
you three times already. l don't like
your looks. / don't think you'll do.
You jush won't get nothing done to
me when [ get home"
Then he gave the flowers another
shake and addressed himself to a Star
reporter who was standing near:
"Whash YOU shink about it? Do you
shink they'll do? A friend of mine
gave me these TO take home as a
peace offering TO my wife" A sort
of deprecatory smile played around his
face, and he assumed an air of good
natured familiarity Il don't shink
they'll do. Won't you sprinkle them
for me onch more?"
Then he began to soliloquize:
Its my last play. | don't shink
it'll work. l shink l shee the finish
Shpec' I'd better shleep in the furnish
room tonight. Folks that amt mar
ried don't know about theshe things
Have to take flowers and such nome
TO your wife. Have to put on straight
face-great dignity Push flowers IN
front of you Brought you shome
flowers, my dear Then slide of TO
bed. But can she the finish: it won't
work. If. you were roses you might do.
But you amt roses, and you need
sprinkling."
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
POLICEMAN AND CORPSE.

Atlanta Constitution.
Just as the dawn was blotting the
starlight from the skies yesterday
morning Patrolman Edwards was slip
ping along East Mitchell street, peering
into the alleys and vacant lots near
Lloyd street. He peeped over fence in
the rear Of a frame house on the north
west corner of Lloyd and Mitchell, and
he saw man sitting In chair In the
act of putting on his shoes.
1t was the hour for burglaries, and
the officer stopped behind the fence and
watched the man through crack.
One shoe was on and the other half on,
but the man did not seem inclined to
finish the work In hand. He remained
perfectly motionless, and the policeman
thought:
He has either seen or heard me. and
he is awaiting Developments. ! will re-
main just where I am for awhile"
Through the uncertain light the Of
fcer watched the man, and the man
sat there in the chair, and his left leg
thrown over his right knee and his
hand upon the shoe which was half
upon the foot, gazing straight at the
officer.
Tie moments dragged slowly by and
the policeman finally lost his patience.
and rising quickly, demanded:
who are you and what are you do
ing there?"
The man neither spoke nor moved.
Then the officer advanced until he
was very near the porch. The light
from the approaching day now made
the mans features visible. and Patrol
man Edwards saw that he was gazing
at him with his eyes wide open.
why don't you answer me?" asked
the policeman.
Still there was no answer, and the
officer began to feel bit uncomfort-
able He drew his club and sprang
over the fence. Going up very close.
he looked into the wide open eyes.
The man was dead.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
WOULD SAVE HIS BOOTS.

After he had sold his load of wood
and had received s4.25 for it, he strolled
over to the little combination billiard
parlor and bar room on the other side
of the square, says the New York Press.
His faded old eyes lighted up and his
new cowhide boots, larded generously
in grease, squeaked exultantly as he
thought of that drink he had been plan
ming to get ever since he left the farm
at daybreak.
Jest one old snifter,
OF that good old LITTER"
he cooed to himself, and I'll be primed
to start fer home.
About one finger of that old red-eye
will do the bizness, | kalculate," he
confided to the bartender, Is he pulled
a feverish red mitten from his right
hand and jammed it down in his
pants" pocket. Il amt drinkn' man
never was-but when it's so cold out
side yer breath feezes to t'waggin
wheels yes got ter resort TO some
powerful remedy t thaw it out"
The bartender agreed with him. For
months he had watched the old farmer
come in, order just one finger of whisky
and drink a whole handful OF fingers
for the manifestly unfair expenditure
of 10c. He had decided to put stop
to it, and the farmer with the new
cowhide boots was the first victim.
The remedy he placed before him was
powerful enough to thaw the Yukon.
The old man poured his glass full--just
as the bartender knew he Woodland
gulped ii down in one big swallow. The
effect was instantaneous. The victim
gave one convulsive shudder. looked re-
proachfully at the bartender and
whirled around four times. Then he
sat down and hastily began TO pull Off
his cowhide boots.
What the mischief are you doing
that for?" inquired the astonished bar
tender.
Cant ye see them's brand new
boots!" gasped the victim. wye think
I'm goin' t'let them burn up, tew?"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
UNFAMILIAR DIET.

A pretty girl who has newly come to
town from the Pacific Coast went out
to dine in Massachusetts avenue few
evenings ago, says a writer in the
Washington Post. Dinner began with
oysters on the half shell, and the oys-
tiers were extremely large. The Pacific
Coast girls eyes opened wide when the
oysters were set beside her. She took
up her fork and then she laid it down.
Her plate of oysters were taken away
untouched.
Don't you like our Eastern oys-
ters?" asked the woman whom she is
visiting, as they were going home.
Il didn't taste them" answered the
girl "To tell the truth-well, to tell
the truth, l didn't know what to do
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28
HOW Mr.. COURTNEY GOT EVEN.

George" began Mrs. Courtney.
eagerly as her husband returned home
to dinner one night, says Harper's
Bazaar. I've just learnt how you can
make the loveliest little table for your
dressing room out of two old peach
baskets YOU
NO. May" interrupted her husband
sternly, that won't"
Yes yes, but it does. You nail the
two bottoms together. then cover them
tho Haskets. ! mean with pink cal
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1897-11-28

But he'd never have been there If we
hadn't gone over to Jersey with our
surprise party that night. Zeary ought
to offer a reward of maybe 5000 to the
fellow who broke that flute. I'd just
like to hake that much about now TO
kind o winter over on