The record-union., 1897-08-01

But l have found you. CHRISTOPHER.
Amy Levy.
The winter sun had already contrived
to force its way through the Venetians
into the room where Bella still lay in
bed. She had been awake hours be-
fore the first peep of light, which, as
it grew, revealed the healthy upturned
face on the pillow, with the wide-open
eyes and the look of terror in them.
To-day was her birthday. She was
% years old, and nothing really inter
esting had ever happened to her since
she had taken that second prize Tor
history at the High School, in the days
before she was out"
All through these early morning hours
she had been going over the story OF
her groWn-up life-dimly colored thing
enough, whose hues were destined to
grow yet more feeble as the story went
on through the years, and the colOrs
of her own flesh faded. God had given
her but one life, and it was to be
played in a crescendo movement OF
dullness. Could she endure to live
through the many long days which
would probably fall to her share, and
of which the last must necessarily be
worse than the first?
| She had recalled her last day at the
High School; the little regret with
which she had said Good by to her
school life in her eagerness to play
her part in the real grown up world.
| Then there was the trying on of the
! first ball-dress for the subscription
dance at the Croydon Town Hall; her
own inward misgivings at the sight of
| the lank, bedecked figure in the pier
| glass; her mothers loving, trembling
| fussiness about the set of the skirt
and the fit of the sleeve; then the dress
! ing for the ball itself with an audi
| ence of critical young cousins from
over the way. 4 don't mean to have
| elbow sleeves and a V-cut bodice and
my hair frizzed up like a fright when
1 go TO parties" p" she overheard one pig
tailed miss whisper as, ready at last,
she passed through the street door,
down the steps, to the hired brougham,
mamma behind, to see that the skirt
was we'll held up out of the mud. Then
that first sight of the ballroom itself;
the heavy smell of gardenia and tube
rose; the languorous strains of the
| 'Serenade Espagnole; the skillful,
whirling men and women, and her own
sense of aloofness and the absence OF
any feeling Of exhilaration. Thank
goodness. the girls don't look quite as
magnificent as they do in Du Maurier's
drawing-room pictures" she said to
| herself as she took her seat by her
mother, whose heart under her black
velvet bodice beat faster than her
daughters.
| Things did not turn out quite as bad
ly as they might have done. and as in
her darker moods she had sometimes
pictured them. Some of her mothers
friends brought up their youngest sons
to dance with the debutante, and
BelIa's spirits rose when she found her
self playing her part in the general
game 1t did not matter to her that
her partners trod on her toes and
bumped her. against other couples; nor
that their attempts at society talk were
as crude as their dancing. To the youth
who questioned her eagerly as to
whether she did not think pink ices
much nicer than white ones, she re-
sponded as cheerfully as to the ca
daverous person who, between the
pauses of the quadrille started dis
cussion on the Immortality of the soul
| She began to think the wOhle thing
not bad fun, till there came a terrible
gap in her programme, and she had
to take her place by her mothers side.
| It was indeed a bad quarter OF an
| hour while she sat there, an object
| forsaken by her kind, in the midst OF
| the happy dancing people. 1t seemed TO
| her that as the walters danced past
| her they flung at her cold, contemptu-
| Gus glanceS; and she turned hot and
| cold with shame at her forlOrnness. II
| only one of those men lounging about
| the door would take pity on her, ana
| ask her to dance, instead of looking at
her in that critical fashion through
their eyeglasses. Later she saw a ro-
setted steward go up to one of these,
| and looking in her direction, evidently
| propose an introduction; but the man
shook his head and laughed lightly as
he followed the other mans gaze. he
| obviously would have none of her. New
er had she felt more Inundated. She
could have cried aloud with grief and
| shame. Let us go home mother" she
| called out suddenly to that lady, VINO,
resigned to her daughters present part
nerlessness, was cheerfully chatting to
her neighbor. why, Bella!" exclaimed
the startled mother, tits not yet L
and we haven't had supper! | will ask
some one to find you more partners.
"Oh. no. noi mother cries the shud-
| dering Bella; do let us come away
from herel I am so tired. Can't we do
without supper?" SO the poor dis
mayed lady gathered herself together,
and. rising slowly, left the ballroom,
followed by her dropping daughter and
by the wondering glances of her
friends.
Once safe in the shelter of the little
hired brougham Bella curled herself up
and shut her eyes. hoping thereby to
evade the inevitable questions and the
look of her mothers disappointed, in
curing eyes. So they drove along in
silence till the carriage stopped at the
door of their house, when Bella sprang
out and rushed up the steps, needless
of her mothers injunctfons as to guard
] ing her skirts from contact with the
muddy wheels. Her own room reached
she flung herself on the bed, face down
ward against the pillow, and cried and
cried till the little bed shook with her
sobs And all that night, after she
had undressed, she lay tossing in her
bed kept awake by a burning sense
of failure. Thou art weighed in the
balance and found wanting" were the
words that rang in her head like a re-
frain. This. her first ball, an event
round which ciings tradition of hope
and excitement, had been for her
feast of Dead Sea fruit, horror and
a shame, which she could never think of
hereafter but with blush and shud-
der. And that crisp new ball dress,