The times., 1897-09-19
sILAS HUMBLE.


| pays at least 80 cents IN the dollar met
a felisr- pilgrim With a one-hoss outfit. He
! was asss' in the show bizness He was a.
| shown Of a trick hog and selin' a cure
Tor sunstroEes and frostbites When we
| had greeted each other with Jnat eorliality
| whieh IL allus obsarved auong the pro
fesnna he winks at me and sez:
"A combinashun OF mishunary and sho "
| hizneSs wouin't be bad. y trick hog and
a panorainy wonld bring out all classes,
sayin' nuthin oi the other euriositics."
art thy object che cl.vashun OF man
kind?'' sez [.
Not So mUch as TO keteh suckers" sez
he, with cheerful frankness.
II wish thee we'll, but hogs do not elevate
l will continue my labors jingle handcd.v
His language TO me as | driy onwards
was not tincJared witt. respect, and | was
gr:evsn' over Ohe f,let when ! met up with
number OF men uii ,ossDac!, They stop
ped and looked me oYer, and one OF them
seothingly SCI:
fcll.,r eritter, the man We was ex.
peetin 10 hang today mas gone dead and
| we ar ionsin, fur suiabody to take his
place. Hast any obJeetlonsy"
"A few sez L "If l was teoken
| away thar' would be nobody To rua my
panoran:y of tie Holy Land, which Is
billed 90 show JonOrrer night IN busted
Hopes. III. showtn' that panoramy FUR
the moral elevastlun of my .feiiermen"
But we'!e got TO hey s,Hubody," he
sez, ds all looks disappinted
Then sallep on and oyerta Ike the
| feller in the one-hoss wagin. sez | ''He's
| gof SHOW butt amt au eIeyatih' show
| Nobody VINO wanted TO make mankind
better would be- shown trick hog"
That's tIuc," SEE he, and away goes
the gang.
tnink they overlook the man and over
ruled his objections, If he had any.
Bein' as we was both in the show biz
Ness felt a fraternal feeiin' fur him,
aud Yit q Snowman who is aetuated by
| sprdid motives alone should not De al.
lowed "a live out his career. when | driv
onwards agin l found myself sayin' sich
ga yin's as:
''Narchew is its own reward"
Integrity never skips cog"
BE upright and you won't be hung"
True rnadesty aIlus gives he other
| feller the fgst Chance
| II Teight be possible for me to take
! that trick hog and elevate his moral
Character and make him of use To me in
my lahors. but on tie other hand he
/ might turn To some night and eat up my
{ panoramy. AS hey said before, nuthin'
/ that don't elevate will be shown ia my
/ how on any occashun, and Sunda skules
/ kin be perfectly ass ared Ia advance
! that | shall say nuthin ia my lectures
! to bring the blush TO the most delikit
! Check. This cOyness is not assumed fur
purpose, but has blu with me from my
birth.
1 hev agin added 10 the colleck kshl,n,
maxim up my grand aGgregashun of dead
and livin wonders, ana call tteushun as
/ follers:
| stuff owl III placid repose. (Dead.)
| stuff prairie dog in ditto. tDead)
| OAahCTna hornet. (Alive)
The hornet and bumblebee hev bin
placed il. the same cage together, and
the inherent amusement they will git
out o tacfhn' each other VIII please and
interest tile tende- hearted children.
| Before cly show opened at Busted Hopes
| the mayer cum down into that tent to
satisfy hisse!f that there was nothin' TO
| degrade tie mCrals OF the community. He
| found nuthin', and he grow I'd brotheriy
! and slapped me an the back and Syinked
his eye, and said:
The ia + Of the dog is food fur his
bite
As to which dog" sez /.
AS . any dog, seq he, with another
wink.
| Then roEdered and reflected, and brung
| out tie gallon jug il which | keep
| hquid To ward Off Sunstrokes and cy-
| clones IL was what he most desired
and he daliied long ana uttered signs Of
| satisfaction When hecould ally no longer
| he put down the jug and said:
But fur tie clouds OF today We would
not appreciate the sunshine of ton.urrer."
| And bat fur advarsity we would not
know happiness sez I.
IF N5tur' had made hob-taiIed coons
thar would hev bin no rabbits" sez he.
And We winked and laughed and poked
each ether
| l'reSus 10 the opcnin' Of tl- show made
| pathetic speach regarlin' my Liver Reg
ulator, ana the sales footed up twenty. two
bottles. L was keerful TO recommend 1T
fur the liver only, and sich persons as
| bought it to cure consumption did so at
| their own risk, and must not hold me re-
| sponslhle. l had skaSsly begun to unwind
my panoramy and start on my interestln
ieetur' ~hen eritter rose up in the cul,
tivated audience and sez:
stranger, muugbt | AK you a question
without fear Of bein shot at?'
''Ye mought,' seq l.
Then l would like to know yer objeek
in shown this show%'
To boost up and elevate the moral stand
in OF all human critters" sez /.
Then, it's a sort o. mishunary work?"
sez he.
she be. The small charge fur adnishun
is only u buy boss feed and postage
stamps"
That techeS my heart sez he I'VE
DID ieehi wave OF goodness wavin
! over me ever since / read yer signs on
che outside OF the tent, aud now my
erneshmns hev filled my eyes with .ears
WIN IL be agin the rules and regulash
uns IT weep while ye ar deliyeriu'
yer rrnarks2''
1T wont" seq mot If We weep softly
and don't move around TO disturb the
audience
And as ] went ahead his tears fell and
ne Wept, and the mayor bimeby got nm
and said he'd passed through some irwin
scenes in his life. but nuthin' like this
had ever softened him up SO much before
by the time showed the pictur' of Noah
loadtn up his Ark half the people were in
tears, and ] W as SC affected myself that
my voice almost faiied n;e. Things w,ps
goin beautifully when an ole kuss riz up
on one D the back seats and yelIs:
Il ain't SEEM no mewI in that per
st,4r,, = I