The Monitor-register., 1897-01-29
A LITTLE FUN.

~*<
Fillip-Hello, Crowleyl You look
uaged up Got the grip?
Crowley-Yep. Been joining the Odd
2 Press
4~*
Joblots-I hear Footlytes has given up
he stage.
Kinklesby-Yes. He's the best cured
lam ever saw. r Press.
x*x
He-There's nothing like hugging the
tove these winter nights.
She-I guess you haven't had much ex-
'erience.-N. 2 Journal
IS
"You amt forgot dat maximum 1 tole
7ous sestiday, is you, Sammie?'
mo, grand dad. "A bird in de ham is
Wuff two on de roost." Life.
x*x
Daughter-George says he fears he
'an't support me in the style I'm aoous-
;omed to. /
The Father-Marry him, anyhow. l
'an't keep it up much longer myself
1oson Topics.
~
Hewitt must tell you a secret, old
man: am going to elope. and want to
wear the correct suit; what is proper?
Jewett-A cutaway coat, of course
I0aon I0Dics.
Ugly Looking Wayfarer-"Whar is the
man o. the house?"
Farmers Wife (with rare presence of
back of the woodshed,
burying tramp."-N. Y. Weekly.
x~x
"That young Goldplate is 80 fascinat.
ingl" declared Laura. "He's a man after
my own heart" "He told me last night
that he was after mine," replied Dorothy,
with downcast eyes.-DstroI Free Press.
~
Mamie-"Jack didn't remove his arm
from around my waist but onoe during
the entire evening""
Ada-"Wha at was the matter thenf"
Mamie" He had to 60 home. ."-IoDn
Topics.
"a kiss" he said, after just havi ng
had one, sis the most precious thing In
the world, and yet women give them
away"
"You are mistaken" she said. "We
never give them away. We merly invest
them. Truth.
*#x
First Scotch Worthy (who is not quite
sure that he is in fit condition to face
his wife)-"Say. sohn, you stansh still
there and tell me hoo get on"
Second Ditto-"Oh. you're doin' fine,
who's that VII ye?'-Pick Mel
~
"I'm afraid there isn'6 much energy
about that young man who is calling on
Ethel" said the mother. "He doesn't
seem to have any snap"
"No," said the father, II think he ia
waiting for one though. Indian apolis
Journal.
80
'Greymair's wife brought him home 8
suit of clothes, but l understand he
mustered mp courage to tell her that he
had made up his mind to change it."
did he change it s'
COB, yes; he changed his mind."-
Cincinnati Enquirer.
4~*
'The care of the hand" said the mani
cure, sis most important thing"
Unquestionably," replied the young
woman demurely. "I'm so glad I've
been relieved Of it,"
"Relieved of it ?'
Eyes; I've given it to young man
who has been after it for almost year."
Post
'The people next door are still in their
honeymoon.
"Do you think ?"
Eyes; be goes shopping with her,
Chicago Record.
~.
Scribbler-"Does your wife laugh at
your jokes in the paper p"
Punster-"Yes, but only on pay day."
Commercial Adcertiser.
x*x I
IF mo N dnoon1k his 70 uuhon ha |
leaves her in the morning she thinks he
doesn't love her; if he does she thinks he
feels good to be getting away.-NsW York
Press.
Il think it very mean of that Crumpet
girl to insist on wearing q high hat to
;he play"
"Yes. and her brother is just as mean"
"Wbat does he do ?"
Lets his hair grow and sits on his
oiled up overcoat. Cleeeland Plain
iealer.
Il see the new sleeves for women are
20 be called elephant trunk"
"Well, that's better, we've had about
enough of the Saratoga trunk pattern"
Cincinnati Tribune.
-.
"With the beginning Of luxury" said
he lecturer, ''comes the beginning of the
lecline of a nation"
ut goes back furder than that" said
The sbockheaded man in the rear seat.
a nation never amounts to nothing as
Don as soap comes iuto gineral e.
Journal
-
Mr.. Elw ell-"Isn't it strange, but true.
nevertheless that the biggest fools always
marry the prettiest girls ?"
Mrs. Elwell-"Oh. now 60 on, you
iatterer. ."-London Figaro.
|
Sunday-school Tescher-"Who was