Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1897-06-17

and says: s'No story has ever yet
been told depicting the frightful state
of Kansas politics that exagerates IT.
From republican standpoint this may
be partly so, but in general sense 1t
is a whopper from Whoppertown.
But, for instance: If one of the
gentle zephyrs of Kansas become aggra-
waited and get an extraordinary move
on itself for brief period, "Kansas
has had cyclone. destroying life and
property galore;" if hot wind strikes
a corner of a township in county in
one corner of the state 1.-THE crops OF the
entire state have been destroyed
by hot winds" If the rivers are the
least bit swollen, s'Western Kansas IS
inundated;' if the western part OF the
state lacks some moisture, sit is so dry
all over the state that you have to run
your well through a wringer to get
water enough to- cook with" If the
state is fovored with an average crop
or better, 1--WE have raised enough to
feed the world;" if the crops fall below
the average, ''the people are on the
verge of starvation
And so it goes; Kansans are always
having trouble.
No one more fully appreciates that
such stories are accepted by many
strangers as virtually truthful incidents
of life in the Sunhower state than Mr..
F. ID. Coburn, secretary of her depart
ment of agriculture, who has for years
been making a collection of such as
seemed to best illustrate the type of
joke always in order when Kansas IS
mentioned. 1t requires two large en-
velopes to hotd them, and as samples
of truly artistic in lie making he. rates
the following among the highest:
Here is an example of what Kan
sas tarnado can do, or what a Kansas
liar can do when forced to it: A
farmer had a large crib filled with ear
corn and there was a knot hole in the
south end of the crib. 1t was struck
by tornado, and it is claimed that
the suction was so great that cob after
cob was drawn through the knot hole
and the farmer-was left with crib OF
shelled corn.
Several stories which the reader can
or cannot believe, just as he sees fit,
were stated after the Seneca tornado,
two years ago, had violated the state
law in reference to the malicious des.
truction of property and departed for
parts unknown. Probably the best
one was this: A man was riding along
on horseback with jug of whisky tied
with strap to the saddle horn After
the blow had ceased, the Jug handle
was found inside the jug and the strap
was sticking out of the nozzle, the jug
having been blown inside out without
spilling drop of the liquor.
During this same blow goat hap
pened to get in the road and had his
hair blown off, leaving his hide. as
clean as a skinned banana. The ami
NAL looked so much like a Mexican dos
with horns that he was placed on ex
hibition.
Another caper which this tornado
cut was to blow the side whiskers off {
travelling man and plant them on the
side of a woman's face, where they
continue to grow.
Here is another pretty fair one: A
farmer was plowing around an oblohs
patch of ground one day and at nigh
the tract of unplowed land still con
tanned about five acres. When hs
quit for the day he left the plow stick
ing in the furrow, as formers often do
The tornado came along and caugh
the plow, taking it around and arounc
the LAND" until it was all plowed.
A Kansan abroad recently found /:
crowd that did not seem to appreciat,
his conversation concerning the con
spiracy of the foreign capitalists t
compel the populist farmers of Kansa
to pay their honest debts. SO he puile'
out his stock of tornado stories, hop
ing to attract attention.
''I saw cyclone once. said he
"that picked up straw stack AMI
moved it mile and put it back straw
upon straw as 1T was.'