The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1897-10-31
BEST OF THE GOOD THINGS N
MARK INANS N[N BOOK.
Following the Equator" and Its Witticisms
1T Is a Reflection of His Early
Manner in InnOcents Abroad.

UIculS AUIU0us
! IL young; otherwise when age and disease
! come there Is nothing eGeetuaI 70 Eight
/ them with"
GEN. Grants Memory.
Here" said Mr.. Bliss. is one about
Gen. Grant which is not only funny. but
which Is an Illustration Of the fine MEM
/ DRY which Gen Grant possessed.
Gen. Grant had fine memory Tor ali
kinds OF things, including even names and
faces, and could have furnished an In
stance OF Il IL / had thought Of II. The
first time ! ever saw him was early in
his first term as president. | had Just
arrived IN Washington from the Pacific
coast. a stranger and wholly unknown 10
the public. and was passing the White
House one morning when ] met friend,
senator from Nevada. He asked me II
] would like to see the president. said
/ should be very glad: so we entered. /
supposed the president would be In the
midst OF a crowd and that could look at
him In peace and security from dis
tance. as another stray cat might look
at king. But IL was In the morning and
the senator was using a privilege OF his
Office which had not heard of-the privi-
iege Of intruding upon the chief magis-
trate's working hours. Before / knew il
the senator and 1 were In the presence.
Gen. Grant got slowly up from his table,
put his pen down and stood before me
with the iron expression Of a man who
had not smiled for seven years and was
not intending 10 smile for another seven.
He looked me steadily In the eyes-mine
lost confidence and fell. / had never con-
fronted a great man before and was In a
miserable state Of funk. The senator
said:
Mr.. President. may / introduce Mr..
Clemens?"
:" The president gave my hand an I'M
sympathetic wag and dropped II. He did
not say word, but just stood. In my
trouble I could not think OF anything to
say / merely wanted to resign There
was an awkward pause. a dreary pause.
horrible pause. Then i thought OF
something and looked Up into that I'M
yielding face and said tinidiy:
He Made Grant Smile.
'.' 'tMr. President, IL am embarrassed.
Are your"
His face broke-just little-a wee
glimmer. the momentary flicker OF a sum-
mer-lightning smile, seven years ahead
OF tirne-and was out and gone as soon
as il was.
Seven years afterward i met Presi-
dent Grant, and his first words 10 me
were: Mr.. Clemens. l am not bit en-
harraSsed. Are your
Here Is bit from MS diary which may
prove interesting. Sept. 7.-Crossed the
equator. In the distance II looked like a
blue ribbon stretched across the ocean.
Z, Several passengers kodaked 1t. We had
no fool ceremonies, no fantasies no
f horse-play. All that sort OF thing has gone
out In Old times a sailor, dressed as
/ Neptune. used TO come in over the bows
with his suite and lather up and shave
everybody who was crossing the equator
for the first time, and then cleanse these
unfortunates by swinging them from the
/ yard arm and ducking them three times
! in the sea.
Sept. s. Sunday.-We are moving So
/ nearly south that We cross only about two
| mertdians OF longitude a day This morn
/ ing we were in longitude lis west from
! Greenwich and 81 degrees west from San
! Francisco. Tomorrow we shall be close
TO the center OF the globe-the ISGth de-
1 gree OF west longitude and the lsoth de-
| gree Of east longitude.
And then we must drop out a day
! lose day out OF our lives. day never TO
! be found again. We shall all die one dav
earlier than from the beginning of time
we were foreordained to die. We shall ne
day behi2d all through eternity. We
/ shall always be saying TO the other angels.
Fine day today" And they will be al
| ways retorting: But II isn't today; it's
tomorrow" We shall never know what
true happiness is
Dropping a Day
Next Dny.-Sure enough, II has han
pened- Yesterday IL was September &
| Sunday; today per the bulletin hoard al
the head OF the companionway. II is SEN
temner 70 Tuesday. There Is something
uneanny about IL. And uncomfortable; in
fact. nearly nnthinkahle and wholly unre-
alizable. when one comss to consider f.
While re were crossing the 1soth nerid
| ian II was Sunday IN the stern of tn. s,,in
where my family were and Tuesday in ire
bow. where I was They were there eat
Ing the half OF a fresh apple on the SIN
/ and was az the same time eating the
other half Of * on the ieth-and / could
notice how stale II was already. The fam
/ ily$ were the same age that thew vera
when I had left them Ave minutes before
but ] was day older now than / was
I then
When Mark Twain was At Fiji Islands
ne saws that everybody went ashore 70
look around and SPY out the land and have
/ tina, luxury Of Injuries to sea voyarers-a
Land dinner. And there we saw more ma
/ tives-wrlnkled cid women. plump ara
smiling young girls pleasure 10 look at:
majestic young men clothed In loose ar
rangeuent Of dazzling white with hronzea
breast and naked legs. and the head OF a
cannon swah OF soiled hair ccnlbea straight
ago they were sunk in darkness; now they
have the bicycle.
I'm the Fill Islands.
We strolled about the streets Of he
! white folks little town and around ever
the bills bv paths and roads among Euro
pean dwellings. and by and by we stopnea
70 ask an elderly English eolonist aues-
! ton or two and 20 sympathtze with him
! concerning the torr!d weather. but he was
surwrfsed ana said:
"''"ThisT This Is not hot. You ought to
/ Be here IN the summer time once"
We supposed that this was summer.
But Il Il isn't summer. what does IL lackg''
II lacks halS year. This Is mdwln-
ter
Z had heeu suffering from colds for
/ several months and a sudden change o.
season Ike this could hardly fail to do me
/ hart. II brought on another eald. Ii %
odd these Sudden jumps from season 10
season A fortnight ago We left America
7 In midsummer. now Il Is midwinter. About
week hence ne shall arrive IN Australia
IN the spring
1t Is ; 6ne race the FIfans wits
I hrainx Ia their heads. and al snqairing
turn of manG.
II appears tAat their savage ances-
( ters had 4 doctrine of Immortality in tasir
scheme af edgtan-wtth limitations. That
/ IS 10 say. thesr dead friend would 60 TO =
happy hereafter K he could be accamu-
/ lated. But nos otherwise. They drew tna
4Iue-thsy thought that he uassslenarysz
/ Doctrine was too sweeping too eompre-
i heus!ye They called his attention 10 GER
tatn facts Far Instance. many Of their
/ fFsends had been dsveErea ny sharks: the
sharks IN their turn. ware caught ana
/ eaten By esser men, later these msa we're