The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-09-22
THE DIVORCE CLUB.
BY w. l.. ALDEN.


said tho barkeeper, Just for a little run,
and saw considerable of your bsrrooms
and clubs. l don't want to say anything
ABOUT the way you manage your bars,
Tor you'd think was prejudiced and try
ing 20 brag of the superiority of our
American bars. which h thing i
woulun't be guilty OF, because our
American bars don't need It, being. as
everyone knows who has seen them, far
'ead of any bars In any other part of
tlis universe. But must say, without
an offense to you. that your clubs are
AMAZING poor affairs. So far as ! can
make out whenever three EnRlishmen
happen TO agree about anything they i'm
inediately go To work and start club
That's the reason why London is full OF
clubs. But wnen you got your cluo you
don't know what TO do with it. You go
there aud get your dinner, or you 90 there
and agree with tho other members. Now.
place where you do nothing except
agree and eat don deserve to be called a
club. according TO my idea.
=" Look at our clubsl We don't Eavo
quito so many Of them as you do, and
perhaps our club buildings "a a rule,
amt quito so swell but we pat our
clubs TO some practical use. EitLer
we play poker AT the club, or we get our
Sunday drinks there, when the regular
saloons are closed; or we have political
meetings, or prize nights, or some other
style OF entertainments. Our cluts are
meant TO be means OF Improvement f,r
the members, and there's where tEey
beat your British club clean out of
sight.
"A friend of mine who was the tar
keeper, II you can call him such, In one
of the biggest clubs in London, took me
through the place give my word that
there were about fifty chaps, young and
old, in that there club, and not one OF
them was doing a blessed thing but cad
ing newspapers or smoking or talking
with some one else in such a low tone
that you couldn't hear az ytIinR that
was said. l never saw any pace barring
cemetery, that was half so melancholy.
Now, IL you were TO go to one of our
clubs, you would find the mem bers talk
ing ut the top Of their lungs, ard max
ing such noise that you'd feel cheerful
the mi ute yol went into the place. Two
heard men talking politics at one Of our
Chicago clubs with so much enthusiasm
that there would be two or three fights
in the course OF an evening. i oon t
mean shooting matches, you understand,
for they are not allowed in any flrst-cluss
club, but just two or three good knock
down blows, and then the interfering OF
'~iends, and the quieting down of things
~ thout any further trouble
. Thishyer sam kooto. that / was speak
ing of 10 you the other day, started a
new club here three or four years back,
and / went in with him as bartender.
When / say Sam started IL / mean just
what L say. or coarse the club was
composed of high toned gentlemen anu of
ladies, too; and it was supposed 10 be
governed by House Committee, and
Sam was supposed To be nothing more
than "A sort OF head steward. But for all
that sam did all the starting and govern
ing of the club, and IL you know much
about clubs you know that the only way
TO make club successful is 70 have it
~nn - nEta Enpt IN trn
il just like your Parliament or your Con-
gress. 1t will talk and talk till you can't
hear yourself think. but 10 won't do any
thing alse, except mischief. Folks think
that Congress governs this country, but
IL don't do anything OF the kind. It
keeps on talking, while Mckinley runs
the concern.
This club of Sans was called the
Divorce Club. and nobody was TO be n
member who hadn't been divorced.
Ladies', as we'll as gentlemen, were to
belong to It, 6ni there weren't to be but
three hundred members all told. The
general idea of the club was that hus-
bands would ~ there and meet most of
their former wives, and women would
meet good many of their former hus-
hands ami they would ali talk over old
times, and compare their early marriages
with their later ones and cultivate good
feeling generally. The gentlemen were
10 have one evening week exclusively
to themselves, 50 as to have an opport Gn-
ity for poker. and the ladies were TO have
their evening and talk over dresses and
bonnets and such like. Every Saturday
night there was 10 be meeting OF tins
whole club, and papers wore TO be read
on marriage and divorce and other DteT =
esting subjects; and there was TO be sup
per and dancing and music by anybody
who couli sing or who could play the
piano OF tho accordion.
sam said that he was going to begin
In modest and economical way, 0nd
gradually work the club up To high
pitch OF prosperity. so he rented the
ground finor of q residence In Tippecanoo
avenue. with big parlor or general club
ROOM. "a smoking and reading room, and IA
small barroom with q window opening
into tho genera. Courtroom. through which
/ was to serve drinks. sam fixed bis
own salary as manager and steward, ana
promised 'ne bigger SALARY than over
earned before or since. l thought l had
caught on TO q mighty soft thing but
OF course. IL turned out n failure as oil
Sans enterprises were bound to do.
THE opening night there were 327 per-
sons present, counting the members of
the club and invited guests Tho mayor
WAS there, and the ptomiuent clorgy and
two or three leauing statesmen. Just
about half the people wers ladies', aru
take them all round they we're Jr'tty
thirsty crowd. knowing, ms ] d!d. tia
4
could see that sam was going to hh,e "a
fortune In the bar alone. | light In)n.
tion. as cur Gus thing, that the women.
as rule, took brandy cocktails Tn'y
all said that they didn't know anything
at all about alcoholic beverages bat tlat
they would like only for once 10 Sc what
brandy cocktail tast'd like. haviTc
heard their husbands speak Of the ming.
Now, You know as well | Do tLG5 n
properly made brandy cocktail Ia ahoIt
as good drink as there H. ana what
can't understand is. that those women,
knowing nothing about drinks shuulii
all happen to hit on that parli ulhr ono.
However. it's waste ni iimo ~ try
and understand women. Look at those
temperance, reforming wlmeu. Tnry
maintain that whisky is n deadly poison.
and I've heard them talking about tie
three hundred and odd people that dia Il
whisky in Chicago ever, year Now,
i don't deny that too much whisky is 4
poison, and whom i sec friend taking
moro than ten or n dozen drinks "A day
just quietly warn him that he's on ttc
"a