New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1897-07-28
GIeanings Of IIu111oI

tor to one Of our western states recently
heard 4 rural school teacher say to his
pupils, Come, come, young uns, cant
you set up a little more erecter Z! And
when q tardy pupil came in and lett the
door slightly ajar, the teacher said sharp
II, ~ GU 20 back, and shev that there
door shet!'' After this lie said apollo
getically to the visitor, 81 try to learn
them manners, but it's derned uphill
work
The same paper says that sometime
ago the play Of Hamlet was performed
at u provincial theatre. When it came
to the scene where Polonius, the crafty
old courtier, asks, aDo you know me,
my lord?' and the prince responds, @Ex.
cellent well; you are a tishmonger," an
old woman IN the pit stood up, and,
shaking her fist, shouted excitedly:
swell, and s'posing he is? That's better
than acting any day"
Some of the stories told of autograph
hunters are indeed clever.
Recently young man wrote to How
ellis, the novelist, for his signature. The
well-known writer replied in type.
written line: @Have you bought my last
bo0k2" ,-... ~
The young man answered: Il have not.
I want to sell your autograph IN order
to get money enough to buy it."
Another fiend, in begging for. a we'll
known journalists autograph, wrote: @If
you deem the request unwarranted on
my part, send the refusal in your own
signature. that I may know it is enthus-
iastic." .-...,- ILL., r.. ..--.s.
A certain hostess mildly suggested to
little boy invited out to dinner that
he should wipe his fingers on the napkin
instead of on the tablecloth. d beg
your pardon" said the young hopeful;
@but,1 thought it was pity to make a
clean napkin in a mess when there was
such dirty cloth on the table," -
Two old soldiers, whose Threats were
parched owing to over-indulgence at the
canteen the previous night, being penni-
less and unable to raise the price of a
pint, consulted each other as to the best
means of quenching their thirst. Give
got it!' said one. ''Let's tell old Soft
head that we lent him bob the other
night when he was drunk; he's bound to
pay up" They accordingly made haste
to find Softly. Finding him, one said
'softy, you might let us have that bob
we lent you the other night" Bob you
lent" said Softly. "When?' "Why the
other night when you were drunk"
s'Ah yes, remember" said Softly; "but
paid you back" "Paid us back
when2" "Why," said Softly, "last night
when YOU were drunk
Here is little Irish yarn. Corporal
Mulravey had been counting Kitty, the
Colonel's parlor- maid. One evening,
while out for walk, Kitty's shoelace
came undone, and the gallant corporal
essayed to tie it up. "Be dad, Kitty"
said he, "but ye wear nate boot" To
M ulravey's surprise, she turned aud
walked off in huff, mutterlng to her.
self as she went, "Eight, indeed, when
these are fours, and can wear threes
at a PINCH" And the Corporal could
never understand why she always treated
him coldly thereafter.
The story is told of Kansas editor,
that, while sitting in his office, brawny
six footer came IN and addressed him in
rather belligerent manner. '.See here p
he cried; you've put something in the
paper about me that's got to be correc-
! ted. You hear?'' whats the NATTER"
asked the editor, meekly. "Well, you
said in your paper that Jake Billings
fell from a railroad train while slightly
intoxicated That's lie. amt such
a chump as that. I was bilin' drunk
rip-roarin' .drunk-or I wouldn't have
done it. Understand? Fix it up. I'm nc
chump."
Dean Farrar relates that when Charles
Kingsley was first made Canon Of West.
minister and walked up the crowded aisle
to preach one Of those sermons which
produced 50 deep an impression, he said
to q friend with that slight STAN
mer which lent additional piquancy t
his remarks: ..Whenever walk up /,
the pulpit in the Abbey I wish mysel
did dead; and whenever I walk back
q wish myself more d-d-d dead. ~