Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1897-08-13

up with tie procession.
docs your minister practice what he
preaches? "He has preached it SO
often he doesn't need to practice it any
more."-Detroit Journal.
waiter, it is almost half an hour
einee l ordered that turtle SOUP" "Sor-
ry, sir, but you know how slow tur-
ties are."-London Tid-Bits.
Bass-Was that baby talk your wife
was talking as / came in? Fogg-That
was mother talk; no baby ever saw
INDUCED in such gibberish.-Boston
Transcript. 3s
The Chaperon-You should never run
down your friend, my dear. The Chap
eroned-No danger Of that; they can all
beat me at scorching. York Even
ing Journal.
Doctor Ito female patient)-You have
slight touch Of fever; your tongue
has thick coat Patient excited
ly)-Oh, doctor, do tell me how it fits
Fact and Fiction.
Mistress-NOw, you must always
sweep well behind the doors, Mary.
Mary-Yes'm, trust me for that; it's the
only way one can get the dust out Of
sight.-Pick-Me-Up.
Teacher-I want each Of you to make
sentence, using the word delight" in
it. Small boy (colored)-De wind come
in de winder an bowed out de light
Philadelphia Ledger.
Hell wonder if that couple are mar
ried. She-Certainly not. He--How
can you tell? She-Why, they've been
talking to each other for nearly half an
hour.-New York World.
SIS this a healthy portion Of the
State" asked a traveller in Arkansas.
''Well, I should say it is. There has
been nobody hung about here in three
months. Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Sweet-Do you find it economi-
cal to do your own cooking? Mrs.
Burnem-Oh, yes; my husband doesn't
eat half as much as he did when we
had cook.-Boston Traveller.
"We have much new and valuable
information concerning the Hittites,
the Invites, the Jebusites and the Moab
ties" His friend-How about the
Mosquitobites ?-Household Words.
"Poor chap! Bright fellow, but a
hopeless idiot, judge, from his talk
"No, indeed; he's merely quoting lit
tie passage from the latest Scotch nov
el."-Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune.
Clara-Are you not afraid, Maud, to
marry old Dodderly? 1 hear he gets
horribly jealous without any cause.
Maud-Don't be anxious, dear; I'll take
care he never does that.-Pick-Me-Up.
"Its funny the shurref amt scourln'
the country for them stage robbers"
said the postmaster. II guess" ven-
tured Rubberneck Bill, that he amt
got the sand" Indianapolis Journal.
Wiggins-What makes you so certain
Of Bawler's patriotism?-Boggs-Why,
he just boils over with Indignation
when he hears Of the wrongs Of for
eigners that we have no interest in!
Truth.
Widow-Is it true, captain, that a
sailor has a wife in every port? Old
Tar (savagely)-Madam, the sailor
needs the time he has ashore for rest
and amusement.-Philade North
American.
Professor-What is the best cure for
prolonged emanciation? Medical stu
dent-Thow the patient In the air.
Professionally? What? Medical stu
dent-He'H come down plump.-New
York Press.
"My good man, do you ever do any
thing to bring light and purity into the
homes of your fellow menu" 'Yus-
lots" 'You distribute tracts" mo;
/ clean windows and beats carpets
Illustrated Bits.
Mrs. De Style for effect)-Norah!
Norah! Did you put my jewel case
away? Norah-Yis, mum, OF did.
There only foive camphOr balls lift In
it. Shall 1 sind for some more, mum?
New York Journal.
George, wish you'd leave this little
package at the express office" "Me car
nv bundle? ! guess not. Besides, I've
GOT to lug both my tires and handle
bar down to the repair shop"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He-You say you married western
man? She-Yes. "And that he never
drinks?" "Never" "Nor smokes?
mo, sir" 'Nor loses his temper"
.sThat's what I said" "When did he
die ?'-Yonkers Statesman.
Mickey Dorlan-Hullo, Bill! How
did YOU like being a caddie? Billy
Nolan-Ah! l didn't like 1t at all, at
all. First de Teller he towld be ter
kape me eye on de ball. den he gave me
de ball in de eye.-Harper's Bazaar.
81 surely had royal and noble
time" said he recapitulating. II had
four kings, and in the row that ensued
had to put UP my dukes and the up
shot Of it all was that l was indicted
ON three counts.-Indianapo Journal.