Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1897-11-06
WIT In THE COURTS.
SOME or THE BEST OF ANCIENT
AND MODERN INSTANCES.


England HAS Had Many Judicial testers.
Neatly Yelled sarcasms That Have Up
set CounseI-w itticisms Fitted to I'm
toward Incidents.
There are three classes of people who
can deliver jest with absolute assurance
that the same will be properly appreciated.
They are the acknowledged wit, the wit
judicial and the scholastic wit. At the
formers remark to laugh is the thing; at
the judges remark to laugh is relief; at
the form masters joke to laugh is diplo
macy. Upon the acknowledged wit and
the wit of the classroom we have no in
tention to enlarge, but by citing several
leading witticisms delivered from the
bench we hope to prove our case that the
wit judicial is not so bad as those make
out who would have us believe that the
laugh of the court is the laugh of syco
phancy. A few months ago MIR. Justice
Day in tho queens bench division had
case before him of some duration and
many technicalities. Toward the eonclu-
sion of a long speech counsel said, and the
saying may be taken as o specimen of what
had preceded it: "Then, my lord, comes
the question Of bags, They might have
been full bags or half full bags, or, again,
my lord, they might have boon empty
bags" "Or, +" interrupted the sorely tried
Judge, "they might have been wind bags"
Apropos of the verbosity of some counsel
and the difficulty OF checking them, the
following story is told: In a case that was
brought before the late master of the rolls
q point was raised for the first time where
upon the master asked why it had not
been raised before the judge in the court
below. "His lordship stopped me, m
lud" replied the loquacious counsel
However did he manage to do that?" in
quired Sir George Jessel eagerly. "By o
species of pious fraud, m lud-by pretend
ing to be with me, " was the reply. 1t was
the same judge who is reported to have
said, when an unsuccessful litigant threw
an egg at him in the corridor of the court,
II think that must have been intended for
my brother Bacon" Mr.. Justice Bacon
sat in tho same court When judicial
witticism has the honor Of being intro
duced into an original musical comedy,
there can be little doubt that the bench is
an acknowledged seat of humor as well as
of learning-at least we hope there cannot.
A few years ago when the long winded
counsel remarked, eve win now address
ourselves to the furniture concerning
which the case was about), and the long
suffering judge replied, "You have been
doing that for some time, Mr. Dash, a
well known comedian, taking tho part of
d judge brought tho anecdote into play
then running at the Prince of Wales thea
ter with the greatest success, which was,
of course, very fattering to the judicial
bench.
To be able to carry off an untoward in
cident with an impromptu witticism of
the first water is gift that belongs to few.
We think we are correct in stating that it
was Sir j. w. Chitty who exclaimed when
picco Of the ceiling fell down on his desk
when no was in the midst of giving judg-
ment, "Justitia fiat, ruat colum" Qet
justice be done though the heavens fall),
a remark that compares very favorably
with the interpolated gag of a celebrated
actor when a globe fell on to the stage Of
a provincial theater: "Hello, tho glass is
fallingl We shall have rain" We would
not say that the magisterial bench is with
out humor, but it must be admitted that
when the royal arms behind the bench in
London police court almost fell upon the
occupant thereof, that individual had
nothing to say that could, strictly speak
ing, be classified as humorous.
When one has q reproof to deliver, it is
as well from the reproved's point of yiew)
that the same should be administered like
the powder in the infantile jam-in as
palatable form as possible. Perhaps that
idea struck the present master of the rolls,
Lord Esher, when Junior cited the "Law
Reports" as SO O. 3. D. !" When Lord
EsEer said, "That is not the way you
should address us, the junior protested
that he intended no disrespect, but that
the formula was an abbreviation for "the
second volume of the queens bench divi-
sion reports. 81 might as well, +" replied
the master, "say to you, ~, B. D. '" An
other instance that occurs to US is the case
of baTrister who had almost been called
to order on several occasions for having
branded his clients husband 1.-THE defend
anti in terms hardly compatible with
courts Of law, but luckily managed to
escape until he said: sit is pardonable to
be ugly, but there are limits. Now these
limits Mr. X has overstepped outrageous
~. do not believe there is an uglier man
in the world than Mr. x - ''Sir, " said the
Judge reproyingly, you forget yourself"
The story of the unfortunate judge who
said to diminutiye counsel, "Sir, when
barrister addresses the court he must
5tdAu, anu OA AOC0IfLlS Ulo 1tplyj ain
standing on the bench, my lord, apollo
gized at length, and Immediately told an
other barrister Of considerable height to sit
down, only TO receive the meek but over
whelming answer, 81 am sitting, my
lord, " reminds one Of the case of a dimin-
utiye Scotch counsel who had stool
brought into court upon which he stood
when pleading. On one occasion tho judge
demanded to know what the stool was
for, and upon having the matter explained
to him observed that THAT was one way
of rising at the bar London Standard.
The Black Cat Superstition.