The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1897-06-29

I'll 6GA0u&S a W al & any &4@@ &&@S &NS
High Privates--Round To Land Some
Pie.
B.-"HeIloI Mr.. Editor"
R.-"Hellol Mejor. Anything i'm
portant to- dayF"
B.-"Not much. The hot weather
haz kerfumexed me. I amt fit fer
anything but ter occupy a black spot.
Betsy says I'm lazy bekase I try ter
dodge wurk this time ov year. But
that haint the trhbbIe. Tam jist actually
kerdumexed by the heat. I'm lookin'
Ground fer awl the labor savin' ma
chinery I kin find, but it's purity skase.
I herd the other day that a Teller up in
the mountains haz invented a hoe that
wurks with a crank. Anvil you hev
ter do liz ter set the mashine down un-
der the shade ov q tree an turn the
crank an the hoe will chop aWl the
grass out of your cotton an corn fer a
distance ov five akers. This may be o
Campane lie IL there il anything in
the report I want one ov 'em rite away.
I'll give two ov my best mules fer a
mashine ov that kind. reckon chief
hay saver Daniels will kick erginst a
mRshine that kills grass at SIGH a rate
and under SIGH felisitus circumstances,
as the quality say. But he must re-
member that he liz the servant an not
the master ov the people. When the
weather gifts real hot I think it liz nee
essary fer a nan ov my age ter take a
little nap every day after dinner. But
Betsy RACES a blue fog erbout it. She
says she wouldn't mind my sleepin'
twenty or thirty minutes, but when /
git asleep I generally continue my nap
till it's too late ter do any mol wurk
durin' the afternoon. Then she begins
ter howl calamity an sees starvation
starin' us awl in the face. That liz the
way with awl these Populists. IL they
amt raisin' cane erbout congress or the
President doin' or failin' ter do stump
thin, they are hoWlin' calamity at
home. Betsy contends that if / won't
work I orter run fer Cfis. She has an
idea that offs holders put in most ov
their time sleepn' an DRAWN their
salaries. But in this case the remedy
il wurse than the disease. I am 80 I'm
fortunate, or fortunate, ter belong ter
a party that don't contain anything
but Cffs- hunters, an bein' sorter ov q
modest man, Imost generally git left
high an dry when the political food
flows over the country. When the
pie begins ter bake we dymakrats
scent it frum afar, an we act purity
much like a pack ov hungry wolves
when they smell blood. The teller
Whut kin run the fastest gifts thar first.
Bein' ole an sorter stiffened up with
the rheumatism, I generally, in fact,
awlways, git left erbout a mile or so up
the creek. Betsy jokes me sumtimes
an says I had better learn ter ride q
bicycle, Nbut I've bin too digniied fer
that awl the time. But things are git
tin serious with me. Idon't wanter
go down ter a dishonered grave, an /
see now that if don't git sum sort ov
pie before I die my whole family will
be disgraced, fer I'll be the only dyma
KRAFT who never held sum sorter ov a
position, large or small, even if it
weren't nothin' but bein' road over.
seer, school committeeman or notary
public. I'm bound ter be in the next
race somehow, an if nothin' else will
do Iu learn ter ride a bike. 1t may be
a bad plan ter give my schemes away,
but I feel sure that there are some one
legged dymakrats in the State who
can't outrun me, an I'll be sure ter
land a piece ov pie ov SUM kind. I'm
bound ter do it Or change my politicks.
It's a grounding case. Gudepie."
THE ALLIANCE SHOE FACTORY.