The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1897-05-05

Elf Perkins Tells How Mckinley and
DingIey Tax IL.

Dingiey Tax IL.
To-day | clinched another of our
great democratic arguments against
Mckinley protection. We call il the
breakfast table argument. Sockless
Jerry Simpson is the father of the ar
gnment. 1t is worded thus:
"A protective tariff taxes everything
on the poor mans breakfast table
When / met Congressman Dingley to-
day i opened up on him.
Your internal Mckinley bill robbed
the poor man for the benefit of the rich
You tax the poor mans breakfast la
ble," / said.
Congressman Dingley looked over his
glasses and smiled. Ard then he asked
me: who said so?"
"Why, Altgeld, Tillman, Sockless Jer-
ry Simpson and Mrs. Lease say so, and
Tennessee McMillin said so in his
speech. All of us free trade democrats
say SO"
why, Eli" said Mr.. Dingley, as he
knit his brows, you democrats should
think little before you talk so loud
Now, tell me what did the Mckinley
table? Did the Mckinley bill tax bread
and meat?'
mo, bread and meat were Free"
said, meekly, examining the bill
And how about tea and coffee?"
well, L see they were free, too"
"And the table, was that taxed?"
No; Grand Rapids is shipping furni-
fIra tn Ennlan 1 ava,.U ,lnx-,'
'And the fish and oysters, and milk
and cream, cheese and lard were free,
too, weren't they? Yes and the Cali
fornia wine and canned peaches,
raisins and Delaware peaches, too"
Eyes, Mr.. Dingley," | said, growing
red in the face. IL see the poor man
paid no tariff on these things"
''And chickens and eggs and onions,
potatoes, apples, oranges and your
canned fruit and salmon-they were
free?'
why, yes, they were free, of course.
We send canned fruits, salmon, apples
and oysters to England"
And the tobacco smoke after break
fast-was that taXed?"
mo; it came out of the field in Vir-
ginia-pure virgin leaf, rolled up with
out even an internal revenue tax"
Then what was taxed on that poor
mans breakfast table. Eli?'
why. champagne, French brandy
and truifles, Cuban cigars, Russian
caviar, Scotch oatmeal and Dundee
orange marmalade. Yes, and my Irish
bacon and English Southdown mutton
chops were taxed. My English silk vel
vet spread was taxed. My wife's Chi
nese embroidered morning gown and
her Venetian laces and glass were taxed,
and her kid gloves and diamonds, and
the four-dollar English Wilton carpet
under the table-oh, it was an awful
tax for a poor man to pay"
ut is sad" said Mr.. Dingley, with
an accent ON the is. 1T makes me weep
when / think the only tax on the poor
democrats breakfast table is the sugar
tax of two cents pound. And to think
that that tax was put on you by free
trade democrats. 1t was so mean an
act that even Cleveland refused to sign
the bill. But we will keep it on, just
rs German left it, as a monument
gentle reminder to you laundering free
trade democrats who made tariff for
revenue into a $500, 100000 deficit"
l must say to the Sun that Dingley
and the black republicans handle our
democratic arguments with silk gloves,
hut they look like skinned cells when
they get through with them.
| am going TO Mount Parnassus, the
seat of all learning, tomorrow to get
Prof. Sumner and Prof. Elliott TO make
us a new free trade syllogism or putty
up the cracks in the ambiguous middle
term which the protectionists have dy-
namited.-Eli Perkins, in y. Y. Sun.