The Monitor-register., 1897-10-08
WAS GETTING EVEN.
A WAITER GIVES A CUSTOMER A Les,
SON IN IMPoRTUNRSG.

The Man Didn't Want Anything but PORK
and Beans and What Went with It.
but the Walter Called His Attention to
Everything In the Place.
Pork and beans? Yes. sir. Anything.
else?''
emo" .
The waiter in the Madison street res
taurant filled the order with alaecity.
did you say coffee, sir2'' he asked
as he placed the pork and beans before
the hungry guest.
"No," replied the latter.
You'll find our coffee very nice,
sir.
This bread and butter goes with the
pork and, doesn't itf"
YES, SIR"
And this glass of watera''
Certainly. sir"
well, that 8 all / want"
"Yes, sir Like to try a cup of our
chocolate?"
mo If | a anything else. III
call for it.
The waiter stepped back. but returned
presently to ask:
Wouldn't you like to have me bring
you some of our homeless Goldfish? It's
the best in the country"
No"
How about roast turkey with stuff
ing?'
dor want any"
Its first class.
That's all right. l don't want 1t.
Il think you'd like our roast beef and
Drowned potatoes
Didn't you near me say that if I
wanted anything else | would call for
it?''
Yes. sir.
The waiter stepped back again. but
in a few moments returned to the at
tack.
Excuse ME for saying so, my friend,
but you look as if you might be needing
some kind of game. Suppose you try
our jacksnipe on toast"
Great Scott! Don't you reckon I
know what | want?" .-t
Yes, sir Our jacksnipe is fresh
and good Everybody needs to eat game
once in awhile Kind of tones up the
system.
i've told you l don't want any"
Yes. sir Rabbits amt good this
time of year or we'd nave some rabbit.
Squads are about as good as wild game,
though Like to try a broiled SQUAD on
toast?"
I'D like to eat my pork and beans
in peace Bring me some more water,
will your"
Eyes, sir Shan't | bring you some
iced tea?''
mot any iced tea
Its very fine,
Don't want it."
"lt's good for some people; tones I'd
the system 80,
That's all right Bring me that
water. will your"
"Yes, sir"
He went away and returned in an in.
credibly short space of time.
Here's your water, - he said, but
| think you'd find our iced coffee mighty
fine"
The guest made no. reply.
Better let me bring you some iced
coffee, sir.
"When ! want any iced coffee OF any
thing else, I'll let you know"
Eve try any Of our stewed mush-
rooms?" @
i mo, and don't want to try any Of
your stewed mushrooms either.
You needn't be afraid Of them, sir.
They re all right We guarantee them,
and there amt any better in the United
I States.
II DON'T
Some people. you know. are afraid
OF mushrooms Ours are selected with
great care The man we get our mush-
roomsf from is an expert He raises 'em
scientifically
Say, do you know you're q con-
founded n~uisance?"
81 hope not. sir. I'm only trying
your own way Of doing business on
you
What do you mean?'
lyon run a barber shop on State
street, don't your"
Yes What of thatp"
You have the chair next to the
front door. | think?'
Yes"
We'll. | e to your shop last Sat
urday to get Il shave You shaved me.
You tried to get me to have my hair
cut You told me ! ought to rave a
shampoo You said my hair needed
smuggling You wanted to know if |
hadn't better have some tonic on bay
rum You wanted to sell me u special
shaving mug and brush You bored me
every minute You were shaving me, and
| said to myself that if | ever got a
chance at you Id even up things |
didn't expect you quite so soon, though.
Say, we're about even. amt we?"
We'll be a little more than even
when tell your boss about your dog
goned Impotence
Il guess you won't do that. There's
a dozen of MS that get shaved at your
shop You go to making any trouble
and you'll lose the lot Of us Yoa'd bet
ter take your medicine like q little
Going, are you? Well, come again.
Treat you all right next time Chi
cago Tribune r