Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-09-27
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

he's just out of college!''-Detroit
News.
"Has Bigmoney any poor rela-
tives?" "He doesn't know. He isn't
dead yet"-Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune.
"Do you think capital punishment
n remedy for crime?" "Well, il
might be If persisted in for several
generations. Judge.
She-"Talk about womans idle cur
iosityl There's no such thing" He
mo. L should say it worked night
and day. Detroit journal.
A proofreader has been discharged
because cowslip by the rivers brim
simple cows lip was to him, and
nothing more.-Somerville journal.
A cab-owner had the word "Excel-
sior' painted on the door-panel of all
his vehicles. He explained that his
motto was Hire. London Tit-Bits.
''My wife cleans house eight times
year." said the applicant for divorce.
"Decree granted" said the Judge, in
a voice that shivered.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Pretty Girl--"Miss Smuther
was named after her Uncle George,
wasn't she?" The Bright One-'I
don't know. She looks as if she was
named before him. Cincinnati Com
mercial Tribune.
Wallace-"There is nothing like
matrimony to make man appreciate
the value of money" Ferry-"That's
so. A dollar man gives 20 his wife
does look bigger to him than any other
dollar. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Typewriter-'I am rapid enough,
and understand business forms all
right, but L must admit that L cannot
spell" Business Man-"You won't
do, then, even at the price. [ can't
spell, either. indianapolis journal.
Mrs. Manykyds-''T There is one
good thing about our girls; they are
always self-possessed. Papa Many
kyds (grimly)-"Yes; they are too
self-possessed. [ wish they'd get
some one else to possess them. -
Puck.
''How in the world did you get old
Curmudgeon's consent to wed his
daughter?" "Fiuesse, me boy, finesse.
L told all around that he caught seven
teen four pound bass on that last fish
ing expedition of his. Detroit Free
Press.
''You blamed old plug" said
the farmer to his balky horse, "you
actually amt worth KILN - un-
less" he added, after second thought,
"unless I could manage to get you
killed by the railroad. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Nurse-"Please, mum, you must
send for the doctor quick for little
Johnnie" Mother-"Oh, dear! What
is the matter?" Nurse-''I don't
know, mum; but he hasn't been up to
any mischief for two hours. Lon
don Tit-Bits.
Bobby had been studying his dear
old grandfather's wrinkled face for
long time. "WeIl, Bob," said the
old gentleman, edo you like my face?"
eyes, grandpa" said Bobbie, ''it's an
awfully nice face. but why don't you
have it d?"-Standard
Sprockett-"I was sorry not to
keep my appointment with you; but,
you see, my wheel broke down"
Hudson-"Why didn't you come in
on the train?" Sprockett-" -"Heav-
ems! And ride with those miserable
non -bil6ers? Never!" - PHILADELPHIA
North American.
M. d. Ito anxious mother)- ''Your
sons case is very simple; we will take
out his spine, lay his lungs and heart
bare, inject his liver with an acid, and
insert silver wire at the base of his
thorax. We will then sew him up
neatly, and you'll be surprised at the
change it'll make. Truth.
Dear" said the Senator's wife,
''the papers are accusing you of letting
the stock market influence your vote"
SIT is lie, roared the statesman, as
he pounded the table with his fist.
'All have done in that direction was
to allow my vote to influence my deal
ings in the stock market. Indian.
apolis journal.
Little Harry-"You didn't preach
last Sunday, did you?" The Minis
ter-''No; was i'll and omitted my
sermon" Little Harry-'I thought
they was something happened, for
when pa got home he said he wouldn't
mind goin' to church every Sunday il
they always had that kind of services"
--rCleveland Leader.
They had been discussing the al.
vancement of science. 81 see il
is claimed that they can get electricity
direct from coal now," suggested the
lawyer. "That won't do us any good,
returned the railroad manager. "Il
we could get coal direct from electric.
ity now we wouldn't have to worry
about this strike. Chicago Evening
Post.