The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1897-11-20
THE GEORGIA HUMORIST
THE UPS AND DOWNS OF SOME MAT
RlMoNIAL VENTURES.
December Grooms; May Brides--William
Interjects Few Quotations From Lady
Friends Germans to the Subject OF
Matrimony.

whenever there is trouble ana
can't give any relief or remedy, 1t dis
tresses me, especially when the trouble
is of domestic character. NOW mere
is a letter from man who says: II
know a man, a neighbor, who is OF
warm. affectionate, passionate nature,
and loves his wife to distraction, but she
is calm and cool and conservative by
nature and, therefore, Indifferent to
his caresses, and whenever he ventures
to kiss her and put his arms about her
she repels him with such expressions
as. ooh, Tom, get away; don't bother |
me-, She is pure, good woman and |
loves her husband in her way, but she
never meets him at the door when he
comes home tired or disappointed with |
his days work. The poor fellow
is really pining away and Ian
gushing for lack of loye-for recip-
rocity, as it were-and can't get 1t.
Now. what is the remedy? Can't you
bring your universal philosophy to
bear upon this case and solve the prob
lem?"
No, I cannot. I am helpless. Moth
ing but time will equalize and har-
monte that couple. I am afraid their
union was a misfit, but he took her for
better or worse and must be recon-
ciled. In fact. he ought to DE thank
full in these degenerate days that he
has found pure good woman, even II
she is not as tumultuous in her love rs
he would like her to be. But time is
good doctor. Time will assuage
him down some and will tone her up
some, for a man and his
wife get more and more alike
as the years roll on. There were
some good friends at my house last
night and / seriously read to them this
letter and asked for advice about an
swering it. They all agreed that the
man was not writing about his neigh
| Dor, but was relating his own pitiful
| condition.
A married man said, Write him to
get away and quit bothering her when
she says So"
A bachelor friend said, write him
to fiirt little with another mans wife
and she will come to her senses mighty
quick and return his caresses.
"That is all you know. about it, !"
said another dame. ''The firtations of
husband destroys love and happi-
ness, too. They are more apt to bring
contempt and even scorn. A true wo-
man will suffer and endure any fault
or failing except that"
A young married woman said timid:
". siShe must be very strange kind
Of a woman not to like caressing, but
[ do think she ought to meet him
1T the door and give him smile OF
two when he comes home"
"He must be a right good man and
am sorry for him, said lassie In
her teens. Cor maybe he is SO horrit
coarse and ugly that no self-respectine
woman would want him bothering hel
for kisses and caresses every time h
came about said lassie out of hel
teens.
sMaybe he smoked and his breatl
was disagreeable, said benedict Wit
never used tobacco.
So I got but little comfort from thi
goodIy company and my wife contin
ued the discourse by remarking in he
quiet way, "Well, 1 think your frien'
bad better have kept his misery t
himself. Let him stick to his prom
ises that he made at the altar.
cor apply for writ of mandarin
and make her kiss him according t
law" said learned judge who wa
present. 81 would make her recipre
cate if the case was in my court. Tn
writ of mandamus is far-reachin
and effectual process.
Well, of course, the conversatio
drifted to the topic of May and d.
cember marriages, with grooms
, more than three score and ten an
. brides of tender years. We all agree
,, that if such a groom had anything
|. leave such bride besides his nam
|, and would depart this life in reason
|, able time, she was justified in MARI.
! ing him. But in the first place, I'll
, property should be in sight the "qui
|, pro quo' and it should be fixed, Sc
!. tied. lowered. dovetailed. clinche
! upon her, and there should be &
implied contract that he should d
in strict accordance with the deaf
. rate, the expectation laid down in Il
life insurance tables. Indeed, if Il
. late frequency of old men marryir
|. young woman is to be multiplied
. an alarming extent, there should
. established death insurance off,
. so that the young girl could go to
|, and get a policy insuring the old man
! death in limited time, and if l
4 didn't die within the time, the cor
: pany should pay her so much as 81
4 insured for-say S., 900 or $40, 900
/. $40, 1000, as the case may be. Wit
: the money of course she could live d
4 Gently and even secure a divorce {
!, the ground of fraud-fraud in n
!. uylng according to hope and expect
!. ton and an implied promise. VIII
know lady who married an old n,
!. twenty-eight years ago. He was six
and she but twenty and as sweet al
pretty as pink. He was rich al
sickly and agreed to settle on b
$50, 900 to be paid at his death. i
| Lob al III he world do in n xyaar 4,