The Bolivar bulletin. (Bolivar, Tenn.) 1888-1946, 1897-02-19
Tim Reeves and His whiskers.

Now, you mought, maybe, write me
up for several different kinds of fool,
Rufus, but know tremendous well that
I amt all sorts of fool at the same
time" that dear old female lady went
on to say. "And that is the way would
want you to write me up If was fool
enough to sail in and kill myself.
$50 fur 1 have forgot to tell you all
about Tim Reeves, and the student and
terrible way in which he brung on a
funeral procession in the old settle
meht along IN duTin of the Christmas.
You will recol1ect, Rufus, that Tim
Reeves was right young man-not
more than twenty-five or three, or may
be little the rise of that. Anyhow, he
had jest come out upon the carpet good,
and for the last year he had been payin
his most fervent and double-breasted
regards to Miss Amy Ledbetter-which
from all the reports and general appear
ments in the case, if they had lived, by
this time they would be mixin clothes
accordin to the Scripture and the law.
"But in the mainline Tim had turned
him out the longest and most loveliest
set of red whiskers have ever saw on
the face of mortal man. Bless gracious,
if they didn't flow way down below the
brow band of his pantaloons, and then
he could take and plat 'em up and they
would wrap around his neck three
times-which he most in generally al
ways wore 'em that way only when he
was goin to town or out amongst the
female generation. But the people and
the places which have knew Tim Reeves
and his whiskers in the past will know
them now no more forever.
Zone day Tim turned his whiskers
loose and dressed up and driv off TO
town in his buggy. There was big
party comm of that night down in the
Flat Woods. and it would seem like
Tim had made his engagements to go
and take Miss Amy. But on his return
back home that evenin-drivin fast and
furious-tanked up to about three
sheets in the wind and the other one
split-and smokin his pipe as big as life
bless the heavens if he didn't drop
some fire which broke out in his whisk-
ers and burnt 'em off as clean as my
hand all but one little patch on the left
side. And that was nothin to the gen.
eral circumference of the calamity. In
fightin the fire Tim didn't know for GER
tain what he was doin till he had
dropped the lines and the mule pitched
out and run away. They tell me that
Tim did raise a tremendous big confu-
sionment along the old stage road, with
his mule runnin away and prairie fire
ragin through his whiskeTs. Before
they quit the mule had throwed Tim
outen the buggy and tore the turnout
into kindlin wood. From what has since
come to pass it is blessed pity but
what Tim had got killed right there in
the smashup, for whilst he come
through that with no harm done but
the ruination of his whiskers, he went
on home and didn't do blessed thing
that night but take scandlous big dost
of rat pizen and then keel over and die.
''To be certainly of course can see
wherein it was powerful hurtin on poor
Tim to lose his lovely red whiskers,
and likewise miss buggy ride with
Miss Amy and the party down in the
Flat Woods. But all put together he
had mighty little excuse TO bring on
that singin and slow walkin we had
over at the old Ebenezer grave yard on
his account.