Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-07-17
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Nacdoaald-Hoot. mon; Mcdonnell
.opll POT D y~ take me for domned
vNsWka 49,. 49,
40, Miss. Smith. all Is over between
ns?" you've hit IT," Then give me
hack the presents promised YOU
Sketch; ~ -
Mr.. fpsten--poes dot novel end up
e,d. or csiervise? Mrs. 1ps.ein-lt ends
fine! Everybody gets rich in der last
chapter.--Puck.
II awoke to find the house full Of
smoke" Gracious! And you didn't
lore your head?- NO; held my nose"
-netrvit Journal.
arthur. dear. have you, spoken with
father about our engagement" II
can't find him any where-hc owes me
some moncy."-Ex.
Dibman-Did your watch stop when
you dropped It on the floor; Maeley--
OF course 1t did. Did you think It would
so through ?-ri,-Bi,s.
Minor Poet--Ah. how do? Did you
get my book I sent you yesterday :?
Hostess-Delightful! I couldn't sleep
till Id read it.--Punch.
He tsympathizing with his bride. who
has just been stung,--Ilow intelligent
was that bee. my dear. to know that
were on our honeymoon.-Judy.
Charlottesville Greeks might have
saved themselves by a rapid advance.
Zounds-They seemed to think they
could save themselves better by n rapid
retreat.
Teacher (angrily)-why don't you an.
swer my question. Bobby? His Brother
Tommy answering for him)--Please,
sir. he's got a peppermint in his speech.
-Tft-B,ts.
Reporter-That fellow who wanted
his name kept out Of the paper called In
to-day. oh. he was mad! Editor-Wha,
about? Reporter--lt seems we kept I,
ou,.-Tit.Bits.
"How Is this. count. they say the
stone in this ring you gave me Is imi
tation?' 'Oh. like enough. I never
was very strong In mlneraloSy."-Hu
mOristische Batter.
The Wife-l think we ought to have
daughters voice cultivated. John. II 1,
doesn't cost too much. The Husband
II can't cost too much. my dear, II Il
will improve It any.-Puck.
"Half the world" sagely observed Mr.
Billus. ''never knows what the Other
half Is doing" That's generally true.
retortcd Mrs. Billus. eying him sharp
~. ms to the better ha!f."-Chicagt
Tribune.
Fuddy--You call money stamps
don't you? Duddy--Yes. Fuddy-.Ant
money Is currency. so I suppose tina
when you speak of an elastic currenc,
you refer to rubber STAMPS Bostoi
Transcript.
She--llow funny that you should be ,
Presbyterian, while your wife Is AZ
EpiscopalIan! He-What makes 20,
think she Is nm Eplscopallan? She
Didn't you say she was confirmed In
valid?-New York Press.
"AicGibbs Is q contemplate creature.
"In what particular way" We'll. he Il
the kind OF man who would send anOth
er mau Sunday newspaper without
rad."--Chicago 1fmes.Herald.
Good Idea.-Mrs. Tenspo.--Isn't l
odd that the encoes are always niue!
more enjoyable than the regular mum
beers on the program? Mr.. Tenspot-
Ycs, II IL. l wonder why they don
sing the encores rst:-Judgc.
A scientist says that every health.
boy should be able to drop off to slee
In ten minutes. This does not meal
Office boys, who are expected to do In
same thing In one and three-Quarter
mlnutes.-Philadelp Inquirer.
"You want to marry my daughter
oh?" said the practical man; 1--WE.
what provision have You made for tn
future:" "Oh, as to that" replied I'll
srltor. "Ill join the church right away
Philadelphia North American.
sawildig--I thought that baseball wa
not played In England! McSwilligen-
II ISN'T. Squl!dig-Then what is tlh
diamond jubilee they are making sue
extensive preparations for In London
-Pg,tsburg Chronlcle-Telegraph.
Mrs. Higgins Is still wildly in Low
with her husband" Does she put tn
buttons In his shirts for him yet:
NO. bur he told her he sat up all nigl
playing poker without any stakes-an
she believes him."-Detroit Free Pres
"How still they are remarked Mr.
Fo.g. apropos of the young couple !
the next room. "Yes," replied Mr.. i
"It reminds me OF my army days,
WIS always wonderfully quiet just pre-
ylOus 10 an cngagcmcnt."-Bosto
Transcript.
If notice that patriotic young won
IN has Joined the Greek army" 'Wc.
In that costume ] don't see how the
can distinguish her from the men.
~rhat's easy enough. She can't run a
fast IN skirts as they can."--Clevelan
Plain Dealer.
At the Intelligence of.ice.-"Iiaye 20
INV cooks that weigh 200 pOundsi
"Go0dncss. What do You want wit
such big Onef" well, We would III;
auc that won't be always trying TO rid
INV wife's wheel on the sly."-Dctro
Free Press.
"You may talk as You like" said
solld citizen, but there was one goa
thlng about the gladiatorial fights ,
eden times" What was thatT "'ril
loser never had chance 10 talk 10 III
uapcrs aud explain why he lost. "-Bo
ton Herald.