davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02
A Misleading Sign.

Whenever the elder Sothern arrived
at town, one of his first means of
diversion was to stroll about the streets
and have fun with the natives
He was i'll Chicago during its early
days, and one day he saw sign over an
undertaken establishment which read,
Everything furnished for first class
funerals. "
Going inside, he inquired:
DO you furnish everything for fu-
nerals?"
Eyes, sir, >" replied the clerk.
Then | want casket.
He described the kind. and the order
was recorded.
DO you want carriages?"
Eyes; have five carriages ready"
"Yes, sir Anything else?"
"Three dozen chairs.
Anything else?"
lyon might have hearse ready"
us that all?"
Why, no; you couldn't have fu-
neral with only carriages, hearse and
casket Now would like to look at the
corpse.
Like to look at the corpse? don't
understand. "
Il want to see what kind of corpse
you can furnish and know what the
price will be. ~
The clerk was amazed.
You advertise to furnish everything
for funeral, don't you?" said Sothern
"Well, you can't have funeral with
out a corpse.
The sign had been altered when
Sothern passed the following day
Chicago Journal
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02
SAVED IN TIME.

How Two Colored Gentlemen Were Stop.
ped An the Middle oft.
On Hastings street the other day a
young colored man about 20 years of
age sat on a doorstep browsing in the
sun. Many passed him by, but after a
time along came another young raan of
about the same age carrying a caete. Of
course he stopped and poked, and of
course there were results. The sleeper
awoke and angrily demanded:
"Who dat pusson who kept tetchiD
me all de timer"
''Is'peots yo' am lookin right at him,
sab, " replied the one with the cane.
Julius, I'ze mind to broke yo' il,
two fur dat -
''Shoo Yo' couldn't hurt nobody"
"Couldn't, eh? l let yo' know, sab,
dat I killed man ober in Chatham so
dead he nebber sreathed agin.'
'Doan' yo' 50 fur to threaten me,
Moses, kase 1 won't stand it. Mebbe
some of yo'r friends done tole you bout
de way knocked dat man to pieces
down at Toledo Jist reached out fur
him, an he died"
''Hul Look out fur me, boy. Ize get.
tin mad, and when de madness comes
nobody can't dun hole me. I'ze jist a
drove of nevis runnin away, ar"
"Ize heard niggers talk afo' dis, but
didn't skeer."
"Niggerl Who yo' callin niger? Yo'
is niger yo'self, an yo' stole chickens ~
"What! Yo' say I dun stole chickensl
Why, boy, I'll crack yo'r ribs in min
ute. l doan' low no common trash to
talk dat way to me-"
''Shoo. Niger! If war jist to reach
out my han, yo' would fall dead. TIE
sorry fur yo'r po' ole muddcr, an dat's
why doan' reach. ;"
''Now I'ze mad. I'll gin yo' jist one
mint to flee fur yo'r life. -
''Niggerr'
Chicken thiefl"
They stood facing each other, breath
ing hard, and were seemingly on the
point of rushing at each other when a
small colored boy came around driving
an old ash wagon. 1t was happy di,
version. Both realized it, and advancing
to the curbstone together one shouted:
Look heah, boy, doan' yo' be drivin
around as if yo'r fadder owned dis hull
town. kase he don't. Yo' jist keep
mighty quiet around heah, or I'll make
yo'r heels crack de atmosphere I"
And as the boy seemed frightened and
tried to make himself look as small as
possible the other one added:
''An if yo'r fadder makes any fuss
bout it, I'ze gwine to drive him right
frew de airth. Yes, ar. Drive ON,
boy. We is two desperit men an jiss
achin fur blood. "-Detroit Free Press
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02

They auOuld pass By aDhen they saaC it lUas
JOndl's boat.
to be there. Besides that, the 46, 900
school children of San Francisco all
wanted TO plant trees on that particular
island on that particular day. So you
see clearly that every boat in and about
the bay of San Francisco was crowded
into the service and loaded to the
guards.
But poor old Jonah and his big old
whaleboat were left to the very last. He
had painted her up-painted her red
and white and blue. He had set a row
of little cent flags along either gun
vale and big flag at bow and stern to
give gay appearance to his boat and
attract attention, but for all that people
would pass by when they saw that it
was Jonah's boat.
The sun was high and hot, ana you
could see thousands and thousands of
children in red and white and blue
clambering up the stony steep of the
island away out in the middle of the
bay before the old man Jonah could find
customer.
| And then suddenly there came a
crowd-a crowd that had missed the
last boat by the least part of "a minute
"a crowd of strangers-strangers to
one another mostly. They had come
down from the country ON the cars by
twos and threes and fours, and when
the plank of the last boat was pulled
III this little band of young folks from
the country melted in together and
wandered along the shore till they
found Jonah.
They tumbled into his boat with a
shout. They were SO glad Nearly every
one had brother, sister, cousin or
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02

NEARLY sHRlEkED. tropical souls
and fervid tongues, had permitted his
tongue to get his soul tangled all up in
the golden meshes of pretty girls
smiles, and that was the end of him.
In pursuance of the usual custom
made and provided for in such emer-
gencies. he went to see the girls father
about it, very sensible old gentleman
who knows the value of advertising,
and also the value of the right kind of
son in law.
eyes, yes" the father said in re-
sponse to the young mans opening ad-
dress, 81 know all about that foldero1
part. What / want to know about is
business, and can you support my daugh-
ter? What do you do?''
II write poetry, sir, responded the
emotional applicant, with confidence
The father fairly gasped.
write poetry?" he nearly shrieked.
Write poetry? What in thunder can
you do at that to support family. I'd
like to know?"
The young man Strengthened up so
suddenly that the old man jumped cut
of the way.
"Sir, said the applicant, with the
dignity of four kings, 81 don't write
the kind of poetry you are thinking
abont. Iwrite poetry advertisements for
soap and patent medicine and beer and
bicycles and the kind that pays See?'
"Oh, ohn' spluttered the father.
Really. l beg your pardon, my dear
fellow. | didn't understand at all, as-
sure you. Take her, my boy, take her,
and joy go with you!"
The wedding will occur in the au.
tu1Dn. Washington Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02


their names for years and years were
carried forward. They We're even pro-
NOTED in their order. But they were
never heard from any more.
why don't you land? Why don't
you land?" gasped the blond boy at
last as the racing and eddying waters
of the Golden Gate began to lap and
leap into the boat
Shut up, or I'll land you over the
hull!' was all that old Jonah said be-
tween his set teeth.
Up and down, down and up and
away. Oh, but that old boat was saucyl
She seemed to smell the rattling salty
waters without the Gate. The snap and
the sparkle and the clash and the color
OF the awful deep delighted her And
even old Jonah was wide awake now,
wide awake as he had not been since he
had retired from the sea and eked out
stint as landsman. There was CLINT
i'll his old eyes, a gleam of gladness,
even with all this misery and helpless
ness at his feet in the boat, for the
young folks were nearly all sick now
fearfully sick.
The handsome blond boy had wilted
faded as fades sunflower when it is
cut down. That last remark from old
Jonah had cut him up terribly. His
head leaned out over the boat. The lit
tie girl in black at his side held on to
him as if she were afraid he would fall
ont, and he did not resent her kind
ness this time, but seemed to rather
like it. She drew him back closer to
her. after he had disposed Of his vanity
and his bile together, and his comely
head gradually settled over on to her
little black and bony shoulder
Poor, dear young mani It's the
cigarettes. Help hold his poor head
please. This is what the little girl in
black whispered back over her shoulder
to another quiet little girl who sat close
by. And SO the two together held the
wilted blond head between them.
Firm as the rocks that lock the walls
of the Golden Gate was old Jonah all
this time. The sun was setting low and
fast. Full and large and luminous as a
world of fame lay the sun on sea of
blood for a second only, and then it
was night on the surging, heaving bosom
Of the sea of seas.
Bear in mind that it was thousands
of miles from the spot where Balboa
and Cortes first saw this great ocean
and named it "the Pacific" but it is
not pacific here. 1t is roaring lion. 1t
is terrible ocean for an open boat,
from here even to Alaska.
The stars came as the sun went out,
as often happens in this life of change
and events, and it was not dark but it
was cold-oh, so cold You see, the
winds blow down from Alaska with
great force all the season here, and out
in the open ocean here you should be
clad in furs Indeed, often see ladies
wearing sealskin cloaks in San Fran
cisco all through July and August
The girls that lay crouchcd in the
boat We're but thinly clad. They were
wet and crying with pain from the cold
The boys were no better In fact, they
shivered harder and made good deal
more complaint than the girls The big
blond one, however, had managed to
get in between the two quiet little girls
before spoken of and was comparatively
dry and comfortable, but the two little
girls were so wet and were shivering so
badly that old Jonah began to fear for
their lives. More than once he lifted
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02
Why She Never Smiles.

Mr.. De Rich-What sad, sweet face
Miss Psyche has. She never smiles. She
must have met with some great loss.
Miss Desmart-Yes; she was in rail
way accident some weeks ago, and she
lost front tooth. London Spare Mo-
ments.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02
Just What She ssid.

1t Is not always wise to dispute
people, even when their assertions
seem absolutely mistaken. The Pitts
burg Christian Advocate gives this
story of census takers error:
Mrs. Pilgrim-Now, these boys
are sisters.
The Census Taker-No, you mean
brothers.
Mrs. Pilgrim-No, sir. l mean
Just what say. They are my sisters.
She lives next door in the red house.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02
Still yindictive.

81 wish," muttered the implacable
Weyler, with CLEAN of baffied rage in
his eye, "that Maceo could have lived
long enough to see some Of these obitu-
ary poems the American papers have
printed in his honor. Chicago Trih-
nne.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02

t i II, and it
means a man
who writes ad-
vert j S e m e nts
(ads. } as they
should be writ
, ten and not in
the old style of
! saying much and
meaning n o t h :
ing.
This story has
to deal with a
rising young ad-
smith of this
town of Wash
ington, who, like
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02
POE TRY AS is POETRY.

A Kind Which Justifies a Man In Placing
His Trust In 1t.
Do you all know what an adsmith is!
No?
Then let it be said that an adsmith is
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02

val of new goods.
of gen'l merchandise is
because your trade is
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02

order to get it we will always carry just what
In so doing, we rely upon the goods, and
their matchless prices to supply the thing
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-02

How Two t;olored Gentlemen Were Stop.
ped IN the Middle 1t.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27
An Outside View Of the Senator From
BLOCK Island.

The Hon. Kit Champlin of Block Island
is "A recognized power In the Senate OF
Rhode Island, aud when he introduced
bill the other day which in effect practi-
cally annulled the will of the people OF
the seagirt town OF New Shoreham, bill
declared by the Providence News 20 be
an "impudent and Infamous proposition
TO revoke the Will of the people, he by
his persuasive eloquence carried his meas
ure through the Senate.
The state was amazed at the inanity
OF the Senate and the ease with which
such law passed that body which is sup
posed to guard the interests OF the people
and protect every law which tells for the
morality and welfare of the state.
The press assailed the Senate at once
and declared "the law in effect TO be TO
make n laughing stock of the fundamen-
tai principle OF local option and home
rule as practised In that commonwealth. ="
As u result, when the measure reached the
House, the representatives made short
work of tho bill which would legalize
liquor selling on Block Island regardless
of the will OF the people. The representa-
tives did not discuss 1t but put 1t aside
Tor business more worthy of attention.
The Providence News congratulates the
House for the way In which 1t gave short
shift to the impudent and Infamous
proposition; but admits that 1t can but
admire Senator Kit Champlin's impu-
dencc, though his success in the Senate
must be humiliating to his fellow men,
bers. Norwich Bulletin.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27

Harper's Magazine for June opens with "A
New Switzerland" an account OF adventures
In the Dauphine. written and illustrated by
Edwin Lord Weeks. The first instalment.of
"The Great Stone of Sardis," by Frank II.
Stockton, illustrated by Peter Newell, intro.
duces twentieth century expedition to the
North Pole. Meteorological Progress OF the
Century is the fifth of the series Of illus
trated articles on modern science, by DIR.
Henry Smith Williams. IAN Elder Brother
TO the Cliff Dweilers," by DIR. Il. Mitchell
Prudden is the story Of the recent discovery
OF the remains of an ancient race Of Indians.
Henry Gladwin and the Siege Of Pontiac"
by Charles. Moore. is an account of q hitherto
obscure episode. compiled from new and origp
nal sources. IL is illustrated bv Frederic
Remington. The eighth article Of the series
on white Mans Africa" by Poultney Bige-
low. treats the Dutch feeling toward Eng
land. In 1.-THE Celebrities Of the House Of
Commons" IT, p. OConnor. M. p, the Irish
leader, gives q dashing account OF xis politi-
cal contemporaries. The illustrations are by
Paul Renouard. George du Maurier's last
novel. The Martian," reaches its ninth in-
stalment. The short stories are "within tho
Eye OF Honor" by George Hibbard illus
trated by G. Dana Gibson ;and "Grandmother
Stark" by owen wistor. The Editors
Study, I" by Charles Dudley Warner, gives n
familiar view of Mexico and Mexican hfo.
The Editors Drawer" opens with Tho
Gollacs, farce ~ John ltondrick Bangs, L.
lustrated 10y Edward ponileid.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27
SHERIFF'S SALE.

BY virtue OF nm execution, No i522 issued
from the Common Pleas division OF the Su-
preme Court holden at Providence, within
and for the county of Providence, on the 10Th
day of February, A. ID. 1897, Frank Slavn OF
Providence in said county, plaintiff, recov-
J. Fahey Of Johnston, I'm said county, defend
ant execution, dated March I'd, A. ID. 1897,
and returnsble 20 said court September I'd,
A. ID. 1897 will be sold az Public Auction on
SATURDAY the 10th day of JUNE, A. ID.
1897 at ~ o'clock noon, at the Shcrirs
Office, in the Providence County Court House,
i'm Providence, Rhode Island, the following
improvements thereon, situated In the town
OF Johnston, in said county and State, and de.
scrihed rs follows
All the right, title and interest that the said
defendant, Fahey, had at the time OF the SER
vice Of the original writ upon which the
above named execution was obtained 90 wit,
September LIST, A. d. 1896 at o'clock and :
minutes In the forenoon, In and 20 those four
(a certain lots Of land and the buildings and
improvemens thereon situated In the town ~
Johnston, county Of Providence. and state
OF Rhode Island, and are lots numbered ten
tlO) and twelve (l2) on the Grand View Pla-
so-called, in said Johnston, and recorde in
the Town Clerks Office in said town OF
Johnston, reference thereto being had for "A
further description, also lots nineteen and
twenty (lg and 20l on section ID OF the Plain
Town Clerks office in said town OF Johnston,
reference thereto being had for further
description.
Levied on this 9th dav OF March A. D. 1897
at o'clock and 10 minutes n. ~. and will
be sold 70 satisfy said execution IL sufficient.
JOHN y. Rabbit
mH'stthu Deputy .IhVria
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27
4 Good Tempered, III seif-satisfied,
E.ucidation OF "lndcpendence

The Providence News taxes exceptions
To "A recent editorial in the Phenix, which
gave as our opinion that il The News CON
tinues To be the only Republican paper IN
Proyidence backing up the party IN
everything IL does. right or wrong, 10
must fall lar short of its ideal as the most
influential newspaper in Rhode Island.
The News defends ats position as a4par-
tlSan paper, LAYING claim TO independence,
III IA long editorial. The pith of The
News editorial lies in one OF tho para
graphs as follows:
with its readers The News is, we be-
lieye recognized as the most indepehdent
newspaper in Providence. IL absolutely
has no affiliations that embarrass Its
policy or are influential To shape It's
course otherwise than its editorial DISPOSE
tion may dictate and its business perspic-
acity may prompt.
Tho last four words comprise tho saving
clause. Business perspioacity" always
prompts partisan newspaper To support
tho action of the political party 1t repre-.
sents. Not To do so would be conslderol
political crime never 20 bo forgiven A
newspaper that is ayowedly party paper
cannot consistently talk Of independents
political uction. No political party Is
right all the time 1t an EDITORS mind
has political bias, he may not bo able "a
soc the wrong in his party, but 10 is
bound TO ba tnero sometimes. Hence the
reliable" party paper. tho editorial lniiu-
ence OF which is always oxerted In favor
CT It's party's measures and men, Is GER
tain To support the party, right or
wrong whether unconsciously through
binding political prejudice. or by reason
OF "busir ess perspicacity. Party papers
are good thing-for politicians, but we
must continue To maintain that II every
newspaper in this country could DO Tree
to say what it likes, politically, and be
edited by men with unprejudiced minds,
the political tricksters and demagogues
OF all parties, who pose as great IN, IN,
and bring so much OF rum to this ooun-
try, would soon be shown up In their
true light and would have much harder
row To noe. One OF the most hopeful
signs of tho times Is the fact that each
election shows greater number OF indo
pendent voters who have no regard for
party lines when any great principle is at
stake. What the country needs Is u
greater number OF independent newspo-
pers, whose editors do not stand ready TO
Jump into line the day after the party
convention. What We have said Is not
intended for The News alone. IL Will ap-
ply TO any party paper that talks OF indie
pendence In politics, but never exhibits
that Independence by u single line OF odi-
torial utterance.
The News Is showing commendable en-
terprlse under Its new management, and
evidently intends TO I'll the gap in Prov
idence journalism or know the reason
why. AS we have said before: Here's
success TO you. Bristol Phenix.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27

With a Republican administration at
Washington and tariff bill on the ways,
gold exports cause not particle OF alarm
in any quarter as far as we have been
able to observe The exports of the pre-
cious metal have quite different mean
ing from that of the steady drain under
the Cleveland regime. They have no
panicky bearing as an indication of the
tendency OF the balance of trade. The
primary reason for the outgo is, of course,
the immense importations TO get in ahead
o the proposed new schedules and these
are probably made on basis of prompt
payment That payment will indeed
tighten tho burdens of the future and
the importations will probably decline
from now on rather than increase
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27

Referring to the fact that this city Is to
have an industrial exhibition in which
the textile manufacturers are largely in
terested, having subscribed literally for
the same, and are planning to make
large and comprehensive exhibits with
the exposition free to the general public
tor week or more, the American Wool
and Cotton Reporter pertinently inquiries: :
"What is Providence about that IL does
not join the modern movement and start
a textile school? There is abundance of
room for such an institution, and a local
need for IL in Providence. "
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27
DEATH NOTICES.

CROPPER-In this city, the 25th inst, Alb
bic wife Of Alinson Cropper, aged 81
years
Funeral services Friday, the 18th inst, at 2
p m, from her husbands residence, l2S
Wendell street Relatives and friends are i'm
vited TO attend.
CUMMINGS-In Providence, 26th inst, Annie
W. Dudley. wife of John Il. Cummings
aged AZ years.
Funeral nj her late residence 1892 westmin.
stcr street, Saturday, 18th inst, at o'clock
Relatives and friends are invited to attend.
GLADDING-In this city, 25th inst, sud.
denly, James N. Gladding, aged ~ years.
HUMPHREYS-In this city, 25th inst, Lewis
N. Humphreys, aged 6i years.
Funeral from his late residence, Narragsn'
sett Hotel. Saturday, 10Th inst, at 3 o'clock
y. m. Relatives ana friends are invited 20 at
tend. Burial private.
SCHMIDr-In this city, a6th inst, John II.
Schmidt, aged IS years.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27
STORY A FAKE.

Boston. May 27.-Captain +. 8. Israel
OF the British steamer Ethelred, now at
Philadelphia from Port Antonio. Jam.
in letter 10 the Boston Fruit company
OF this city. the charterers of the steamer
denies the story published to the effect
that the Ethelred was made a target for
Spanish warships on the passage to and
from jamaica He says that the story
s. purely myth. and nothing occurred
during the passage out Of the ordinary.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27

Our esteemed contemporary, the Paw
tuxet Valley Cleaner, expresses itself to
the point on The News in particular and
other things in general as follows:
"The Providence News has made a won
deriul Improvement I'm It's Appearance
geographically, in makeup and in ncws
service under its present publisher. With
this enterprise sustained and the price
kept at one cont the reward must come In
circulation and advertising patronage "
II does not sacrifice editorial dignity In
local reports or editoriuf continent We
have In mind as we write some of the 70.
cent News references % the Beacon Hill
Improvement Association and some of SIS
MON hers. Dissent at pleasure but Ia All
cases IL pays the newspaper best I'm the
long run To bo courteous I'm argument.
Even at that there will now and then bn
a Iuan 80 mean In his nature as q take
umhrage mt an honest difference ot
opinion, but In that case he Is the loser IN
the long rlln-As public sentiment ia the
end is always for fair play"
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27

1t appears from the treasury accounts
that tho United States still owes Grover
Cleveland one cent If he draws il, we
suggest that he invest 1t in sample
copy of The News and begin study Of
The News course in business methods.
But. perhaps, it would be as we'll to turn
1t over against the Cleveland deficit that
Cleveland left on Uncle Sans books.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-05-27

The New York jury that finds the Sal
walton Army guilty of keeping disor-
derly house has probably established an
interesting precedent, and at all events
seems to rule that the Almighty must be
praised with more harmony and less of
what mortals consider noise In New
York, hereafter, we take It, you must
shout your hallelujahs as gently as any
sucking dove.