davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
THE WHALE AND THE PREACH
ERS.

Doctor Abbott says he,
1T never could be
That fish swallowed Jonah and then Sc
him free;
I'm compelled to assail
That incredible tale
whale.
! tell you
1t won't do
That story'S not true.
eff the whale had been sick
Iwould nave thrown him up quick
Ere Jonah had time to make much of {
kick;
But before he could rest
Three days, l protest
The prophet had quite enough time tc
digest,
And he
Would be
o goner, you seer
When Abbott thus spoke
great tempest broke.
What lot of debating that speech did
provoke,
Each preacher turned pale.
Raised a doctrinal fail
To defend or belabor that much abused
whale.
And they fused
And discussed
And were filled with disgust,
"A whale S throat. one cried,
Couldn't open out wide
Enough to let Jonah go down with a
slide;
But maybe p shark
Gulped him down in the dark,
And Jonah imagined himself in the ark,
Sleeping till
Shark got ill.,
And puked with will,'
Then another one spoke
That StOry'S a Joke,
laugh when / read it until L most chokei
Scooped up by a whale
And held as in Jail,
What a good sailors yarn is old Jonah's
talel
Ho. no,
'Tain't so.
But it's humorous thought
Another declared
That fish was prepared
Especially for Jonah, that he might be
With a mouth a rod wide,
Very roomy inside.
A very fine place for the prophet to ride,
When the land
Was at hand.
Threw him up on the sandr'
What will it avail,
This doctrinal gale
Stirred up when Abbott got after that
whale
Oh. heed this request.
Stop this windy contest
Give us. and the whale, and old Jonah a
rest
And men
VIII then
Cry, out. "AmenW
Teach men how to be
BY the gospel made free.
Heal the sick as your Leader did, make
the blind see;
Let the old truths revive,
Show your flock how to strive
For the bread that will keep them forever
alive,
Let the tale
OF the whale
Not cause you to fail.
Fred Deem in Kansas City Star.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

John Wanamaker; also, he has received
more begging letters from self-appointed
Christians. who had heard of his philan-
thropy- The following letter is from a
postmaster living IN a small town in
South Carolina:
understand that you are a Dhilan-
throDist as well as a shrewd business
man. am postmaster here. and want
TO be reappointed. 1 can't. however. fill
the place unless you send me a pair of
pants The pair l have on. have been
half-soled so often they can't be re-sold
any more.
In my intervals of leisure (which is
about all the time) Iisit in front of the
office on top of a flour barrel. ard when
ladies inquire for mail I treat them with
the utmost Difference, retreating backward
before them.
There is another man here looking
for the place. He don't know d
thing. but he has good pair of breeches.
and II you cant send me a pair you
can treat this letter as my resignation,
and give the Office to him.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
THE RUSH

Still keeps up to see the bargains we
are offering in Children's. Suits. A
little early for spring suits, but
when you can save money a week OF
two does not make much difference
to the money-saving buyer.
The new styles in Mothers Friend
Waists for spring are beauties-the
material and make is better than
ever. You can get more for your
money than ever before. We also
have q beautiful stock of those lit
tie Blouse Waists from to 10 years,
in all prices.
Children's odd pants stock IS al
ways full of good, honest values.
They must be good and strong to
keep the boys from breaking
through, from 15c a pair up.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
cARP1Ne AT THE PRESIDENT.

Private Secretary Porter has issued
his first official order. 1t provides for
the transaction of business with the
president. fixes cabinet days, and the
hours and times for public receptions.
The most interesting thing in the order
is the omission of the rule in force dur
ing Mr.. Cleveland's administration,
providing that the president should be
free from al. callers on Mondays. When
that order went forth a great hue and
cry went up from all who were hostile
to Mr. Cleveland that he was becoming
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
A HUMMING GOOD
SHIRT FOR so cts.

Spend a few minutes before our
north window, look at the elegant
spring Neckwear and fine colored
Shirts. You can't get a better made
Shirt than the unlaundried white
Shirt we're selling for SOC. Every
one is full size and full length, and
strengthened in every spot where or
binary shirts are weak. You've paid
75c many a time for Shirts that were
no better.
The colored ones with starched
collar and cuffs at SOC will stand in
vestigating, as well as the ones at
Use. The ones at 75c with separate
collars should not be overlooked.
We. have also mixed in a few
Sweaters so that you would not for
get that we are headquarters for
them, as well as for everything else
in Mems Furnishings.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
valuable Presentation.

Editor Morrison of Worthington.
Ind, Sun, writes: You have a val
liable prescription in Electric Bitters.
and I can cheerfully recommend it for
constipation and sick headache, and
as a general system tonic il has no
equal" Mrs. Annie Stehle. 1925 Cot
tage Grove avenue. Chicago. was all
run down, could not eat nor digest
food, had a backache which never left
her. and felt tired and weary, but six
bottles of Electric Botters restored her
health and renewed her strength. Prices
so cents and $1-00. Get a bottle at T.
c. NJ. l. drug dept
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

THE HERALD is a franchise n-em-
be- OF The United Press, and re-
eeives the complete leased wire
overland aud Pacific Coast news re-
ports of The United Associated Press
es, embracing accurate Intelligence
of all current events In the whole
world. with IDS special wire and
operator in it's own Office TEE HER
AID IS daily I'm immediate possess
sion Of the latest news mp Till the
hour OF SOirE to presE.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
Noisy Telephones.

The disturbed condition of some tele-
phone lines at the present time is due
to the electric current of the Utah
Power company. recently distributed
throughout the city over the trolley
wires of the street railway company
for running the cars. The Utah Power
people are using every effort to over
come the source of the trouble, and we
hope it will be accomplished within a
short time. In the meantime we must
ask the indulgence of those subscribers
who are affected, as we are almost
powerless to apply a remedy, except in
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

so far as we can give our assistance
to the power company in their efforts
to overcome the difficulty.
The long distance telephone equip
ment with metallic circuit is a guard
against this and similar annoyances, to
which telephones are susceptible, as
well as being superior both for local
and long distance use, and a great
majority of our patrons have adopted
it. We recommend it to others for
both immediate and permanent relief
from noisy lines.
ROCKY MOUNTAIN BELL TELE-
PHONE COMPANY
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

eff Moses were on earth now and
lived in Kansas it is very doubtful
whether he would think of trying to
enforce the Ten Commandments" says
Moses know there was ever going TO be
such a place as Kansas? He would
have formulated an entirely different
code for Kansas from what he did for
the rest of the world had he known
Kansas was TO be.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
DIR. Kings New Discovery For Con-
sumrtiOn.

This is the best medicine in the world
for all forms of Coughs and Colds and
for Consumption Every bottle is guar
anteed It will cure and not disappoint
It has no equal for Whooping Cough,
Asthma, Hay Fever, Pneumonia, Bron.
chitis, La Grippe, Cold in the Head and
for Consumption. 1t is safe for all ages.
pleasant to take, and. above all, a
sure cure. 1t is always well to take
Dr. Kings New Life Pills in connec-
ton with DR.. Kings New Discovery. as
they regulate and tone the stomach
and bowels. We guarantee perfect sat
isfaction or return money Free trial
bottles at z. c. NJ. l. drug dept Regu-
lar size 90 cents and 81
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
TALES OF THE DAY.
Commodore Taylor.

San Francisco Post: The school teacher
in a country district near San Francisco
is a buxom widow with an interesting
hoy. Many times she explained to her
history class that she had named her son
Perry because of her great admiration
for Commodore Perry, whom she con-
sidered one of the most heroic characters
in American history.
Among the admirers of the pretty school
teacher was Boy Taylor. one of the
trustees, and his attentions to her had
been observed by the school children.
One dav she asked her history class
TO name naval hero in the war of 1872
Not a pupil could name one,
of whom do j think great deal?''
she asked by way of refreshing the men,
cries of her pupils.
boy Taylori" shouted the class in
unison.
as commodore
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

When the anti-high theater hat bill
was in the governors hands for ap-
proval, lady who stands very high in
his excelleacy's estimation beseeched
him TO sign the bin. She said that if
he did not he should be persona non
erata with her and the entree to her
house would be forbidden him. That
determined him in the matter and the
anti-high theater hat bill became a
law. The next night Governor Wells
and friend attended the theater and
sat Immediately behind the lady who
had desired the governor to. sign the
bill. She had on a hat, and Governor
Wells and his friend couldn't see any
thing-but the hat.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

President Mckinley is said to pos
sess great social talent. That is
good thing to have. but he viii find
financial and business talent viii serve
him much better.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

The Encouragement of the state has
rendered an official opinion that every
dog has his day. The attorney-genera
seems to hold that it is when the as
SCISSOR comes round that every dog has
his day
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Secretary of War Alger says: we
are at peace with all the world, and
we have no entangling alliances that
are liable to cause us much future con-
Germ. Therefore, our army, while small,
is sufficient for all emergencies that
are in sight
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

The Hats we sell are straight
goods, and we sell 'em in a straight
way. Our Hats come from the best
American makers. No store in the
city ever did or ever will show as
big line as we havel And no store
in the State has got the grit to
match these prices:
Mems Soft and Stiff Hats at. .S1.OO
Mems Soft and Stiff Hats at . 1.5O
Mems Soft and Stiff Hats at ..2.5o
Mems Soft and Stiff Hats at $3.50
Mems Soft and Stiff Hats at 800
A full stock of boys Hats in all
shapes, at SOC, 75c, S1.OO and S1.5O.
Every style in Caps from 25c up.
They must be seen, felt and ex-
amined in order to be fully appre-
ciated. They appear in the latest
shades and shapes-are fashioned to
become the young, the middle-aged
or the elderly.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

The Washington correspondent of the
Chicago Times-HeraId says that Sen
ator Heitfeld resembles Marc Antony
very much. At least he says the SEN
ator lis a plain. blunt man."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

\ Minnesota legislator has intro
duced a bill for the creation of a
chronological commission. That legis-
lator has wheels as well as bumps in
his head.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Yale students indorsed the Corbett-
Fitzsimmons fight, but they disap-
proved of Mr.. Bryan. It really does
look as though a little learning were
a dangerous thing.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

And now the Puritan is in very bad
way. What's the matter with Uncle
Samuers navy anyway? It seems to
get the Cramps every time it goes in
the water.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Referee Siler has officially construed
the Marquis of Queensbury rules for
the guidance of Corbett and Fitzsim-
mons. Nevada should make him chief
justice.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Why I'D Bob Ingersoll knock those
two tramps down if he doesn't believe
in muscular Christianity?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

AS we understand it, that plan to
have an exhibition of cattle roping
during the jubilee is a scheme to rope
the committee in.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Emperor William has had arranged
a device for holding his moustache in
place. He should perfect a device for
holding his temper.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Ingersoll could never convince a dis
appointed office-seeker that there is no
he'll. Experience teaches him differ
entity.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

The petition of the electric light and
gas company that its franchise be
amended SO that it can charge $1.25
per LOO feet for gas should not be
granted. The way the outfit has treated
the people Of salt Lake City is an
outrage. The people are Of more conse-
quence than the gas company,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Stuart Robson says Shakespeare
knew less of acting than is known to-
day This is so because Stuart Rob-
son says 1t is so.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Some Of these DAYS Foraker will
sound that fire alarm when Hanna
isn't looking. And how the junior SEN
ator viii jump
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
SOME EDITORIAL COMMENTS.

state of Ohio for his private secretary
Senator Mark Hanna shows he has conse-
Grated himself to the entire nation. There
are no state lines strong enough to hold
Mark.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Mrs. Mary Ellen Lease says kansas
IS not so bad as she is represented -
What an awful lot her congressional
delegation must be.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Prosperity isn't being TANNED
through.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
If This Postmaster Continued in Of

Washington Special Pittsburg Dispatch:
The following is undoubtedly true
bill, as II was written by the editor of
the Washington Times, who was private
secretary to Wanamaker when the latter
was postmaster general:
No man in public life ever received
a greater number of original letters than
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

If Carrot A. Hobart would be famous
he must. do something besides being
vice president of the United States.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

People would have more sympathy
for the Greek soldiers on the frontier
if they would dispense with ,neir short
skirts
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
Corbett
and Fitzsimmons.

The Herald will publish on Sunday
next a special Illustrated article from
Carson, showing how Fitzsimmons and
Corbett will fight the coming battle.
1t is from the pen of a well-known
writer and may be relied upon.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Courier-Journal: President Mckinley's
training as pedestrian is well timed He
will probobly have to walk the floor a
good deal before he succeeds in finding
out how to control his congressional team
of wild horses.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

So Tar as PETERS whiskers are con-
cerned. the wind hsteth and no man
knOweth.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Denver Republican,: The segregation Of
the OREGON Short Line railroad from the
Union Pacific system will be accom-
plished in a few days. and the head
quarters of the new company will thence
forth be in Salt Lake City. 1t is hoped
that the separation will be permanent,
for it will be far better for the interests
of the interior mountain country if such
roads as the Oregon Short Line and the
Union Pacific, Denver & Gulf remain sep
arate lines. -.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

King George. John J. ingalls,, James
J. Corbett and Robert Fitzsimmons are
all writing for the New York Journal.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Prosperity is getting closer" says
Russell Sage. 1t will never be so close
as Russell is.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

With the powers on one side and
Turkey on the other, Crete is between
the devil and the deep sea.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Business may be reviving, but it
hasn't reached the convalescent stage
as yet.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Spare Moments: Waiter Ito cook)-Steak
for one, Gent don't want it raw, nor he
don't want it burnt black.
Cook (angrily)-Is that what he said?
Waiter-No. not exactly. | asked him
how he wanted it, and he said medium.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
WIT AND EUMoR.

Judge: II read here in the papers that
Hammers has retired temporarily from
the stage to devote himself to literary
work What kind of writing does he do?'
''Epistolary prose. He spends his time
writing applications for another engage
ment"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

President Mckinley is getting con-
gress on his hands by easy stages.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Answers: "Those sandwiches remind
me of my native town. said Yankee to
the girl at the railroad restaurant.
"Deadham?" asked the girl at the coun-
ter.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12
No; Needham."

Cleveland Leader: Nellie-I don't see
why Charley Dimpleton has suddenly
beer, so taken with Dot Thurston. How
do you account for it?
Jessie-Oh, l believe she was the first
one to notice that he was raising mus
tache
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

indianapolis Journal: "At least there is
one thing that can be said in favor of the
Turks: they are a highly religious people.
'.Oh, anyone can see that from the way
they fight
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Chicago Times Herald: The rainy day
clubs are among the splendid reform
movements that may be credited to the
advent of the bicycle-the century's great
est evangel of health. The barriers erect
ed by the imbecile worsbipers at the
shrine of fashion must succumb to the
all-conquering wheel. The tasteful modest
and sensible wheeling costumes have
blazed the way for the era of common
sense in woman's attire.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Cor. Main and South Temple streeta-
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Detroit Free Press: There is no way
to mend my broken fortunes sighed the
disconsolate young man.
@But they might be spliced, you know"
cbuckIed the sly old millionaire whose
homely daughter has passed the heyday
of life.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Kansas City Star: The news that An
drew Carnegie is convalescing after a ser
ious illness will be greeted with general
satisfaction After all of the prejudice
which exists in certain quarters against
riches. it must be admitted that the town
in which Mr.. Carnegie lives and other
communities are better off than they
would have been had the millionaire man
ufacturer been a poor man.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Capital, fully paid. $500, 600
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Pittsburg News: Have you any bird
nest soup?" asked the stranger in the
downtown restaurant that made spec
ialty of novelties.
mo. sor." answered the Irish waiter.
hut yez can how some water that the
goldfish waz shwimmin' in.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

OFFICE, THE HERALD block, cor
per West Temple and First South streets
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Minneapolis Times: James Creelman
says of the Greek minister for foreign af-
fairs that he had replied to the demand
of the powers for the withdrawal of
Greek troops from Crete Never, never,
never" And he did not add. We'll, that
is, hardly ever"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Puck: Teacher-How did julius Caesar
come to lose his life?
PuDil-He called a man a brute.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1897-03-12

Puck: First Actress-I see that Miss
London is suing the Daily Sensation for
damages.
Second Actress-What for?
First Actress-For stating that she is
person of unblemished reputation.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1897-05-13

ment of which, I mean stock to remain
in this country, to the United States"
English attorneys, having advised
the charge d'affaires at London that it
would be proper for the United States
government to send attorneys as their
representatives to England to prose-
cute its case before the English courts
of chancery, the secretary of state, hav-
ing transmitted the reports to the presi-
dent on the 18th day of December.
1885, Andrew Jackson, then president.
sent a message to congress advising
the appointment of commissioner to
go to England to get the money. After
sundry wrangles and debates in con-
gress this was accomplished, and Hon.
Richard Rusk was sent to England to
prosecute the claim. Two years later a
decree of chancery awarded the money
to the United States and Rusk came
home with it in the ship Mediator.
Then how to apply the money was the
question. Some advised a public Ii
brary, others a university. It was
finally decided by the solons of congress
that the most practical means to diffuse
knowledge among mankind was by
original scientific research, and the
pubIica ton of the result of such re-
searches for public distribution. In
accordance with this view the Smith
sonian institution, as it now stands, was
built. but not until the original Smith
sonian bequest had seen various rounds
of fortune. By act of congress. dated
July Z, 1888, and while the discussion as
to what should be done with the be-
quest was still in progress. the whole
sum of the Smithsonian bequest.
amounting then to $53s, 900. was invest
ed in Arkansas state bonds, which aft
erwards became worthless, Arkansas
defaulting in the payment of interest