The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1897-09-10
T.iRIETTES.

The Tramp-Can you tell me how |
can get some work, sir? The Citizen
crustiIy-Ies; buy a bicycle and try
to keep it clean.
let me see, unused the sporting
editor, what is an incubator" An
incubator,n replied the agricultural
editor, lis All egg plant"
-Mistress--When YOU came here
a few days ago you said your name
was Mary. Now ! find in your book
that it is kittie. Cook--Oh, ma am,
that's all right, Mary is my pseudo
nyme.
"A man writing from Dawson City
near the kiondike gold diggingS, says:
Beer is 80 cents drink. l have
quit drinking" This is an impress
slve example of the efficacy of the
gold cure.
They say people in this country
spend more money on bicycles than
OH bread" That's queer; bicycles
can't be eaten.H Il know; but then
people can't show off with Il loaf of
bread"
You told he last week that you
would try TO raise my salary" said
Briggs. "Oh, yes" replied the EN-
ployer We'll, | did. l raised it af-
ter some trouble. Believe he, L had a
very hard time raising it this week"
"Darling," she said, do you love me
as much as ever:' Yes, dearie,
said he. with his nose buried in mis-
newspaper That ought to have
satisfied her, but she had to ask
Why" "Oh, | dunno. Habit, l
guess"
English Tourist lin the far North,
miles from anywhere)-Do you mean
to say that you and your family live
here all the winter! Why. What do
you do you do when any of you get
i'll? You can never get doctor.
Scotch Shepherd-Nae, sir. We've
just to dee natural death.
-"Whatr said the Judge, you eN-
pect me to send your husband to
prison when you acknowledge that
you threw five Hat irons at him, and
he only threw one at YOU Yes;
that's all right, Judge, - said the irate
Irish woman; hut then the one he
threw hit me.
Little Elmer-"Pa, my teacher
told me to write an example of a para
dox, and ! cant think of one. Will
you help me:n Professor Broadhead-
You might say that, although Mr..
Tubman, who is trying to reduce his
flesh by bicycling, is continually fall
ing of, he does not seem to be grow
ing any thinner
Mrs. Weed-"Are you one of those
men who regard all widows It's danger
ous?" Mr.. Green (edgirg away)-"No,
don't think they're all dangerous.
| Some OF them don't become widows
until they have passed the danger
point" Mrs. Weed (after he has left
u wonder if he meant that as Il
compliment"
The farmer Yes; | know the
spot. It's about five miles up the
road, an they call it The Lovers
Leap" Boarder-"And there's an
old tradition about an Indian girl
who sprang from it?n The Farmer
YES m; it's Il pretty old tradition.
| | reckon it must IA been started when
folks round here first began to take
| boarders.'
Young Wife (at dinner-table, sob
| bing3 Il think you-yOu-are just
as mean as-as-you can be. | made
that-that apple dumping as pleas
ant surprise for you, and and now
| vou-want me to be bring handsaw
| to cut it in two with Young Husband
Good heavens, Maria. Is that i
dumping: | took it for a cocoanut.
| with desperate iirmness) I'll eat il
now, Maria, if it kills me-"
A Dutchman' description of 4
rainy night was as follows: well
last night vas de worst as never vas
| fought to go down the hill to mine
house: but no sooner did l walk den
vas | stand still, for de darkness vas
so tick dat could not stir nit mine
boots, and de ri,in-dunder bliXen, il
more den tree minutes mine skin vas
vet troo mine clos, afther Won leetlt
vile it stopped quit!en to rain some
thing; SO KEEP feelin' of mineseif al
the long, an ven | comes to mine
house to walk in, vat you tink? 1t be
long to some body else"