davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Extensible Bier.

A new extensible bier, which can De easily moved around in room or church, through narrow doors, alSles and other places where it is inconVenl- ent for pallbearers to handle casket' has two skeletOn-wheeled standards' detachably connected by a single rod, so that the bier can be adapted to casket of any length. The legs are TO- +oriIv mounted on wheel forks, carry ing rollers, the crowns Of Which are nrovided with ball-bearing joints.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

DdlI, MAChA
 was persuaded to try Lydia E. Pink ha1u's Vegetable Compound. and to- day, am feeling like new woman MRs, ELLA MCGARvI, Neebe Road Station, Cincinnati, O.
 Lydia E. Pinlkham's Liver Pills work in unison with tic Compound, and are g. sure cure for constipation and siclz-headache. Mrs. Pinkhams s Sanatiye Wash is frequently found of great value for local application, Cor respondencc is freely solicited by the Lydia E. Pinzham Medicine Co.,, Lynr, Mass, and the strictest confidence as- xured. All druggists sell tho Pink hams remedies. The Vegctabla Com pound in three forms-Liquid' Fills and Lozenges.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
AN OPEN LErTEa TO MoTHERs

We are asserting ill the courts our right to the
 exclusive use of the word " "CASTORIA,' and
 PITCHERS CASTORIA," " as our Trade Mark. I, Dr. Samuel Pitcher, ofHyannis, Massachusetts, was the originator of PITCHERS GAS rORIA," the same that has borne and does now bear tine fac-simile signature of CHAS. H. FLETCHER on every wrapper. This is the original PITCHERS CASTORIA" which has been used in the homes of the mothers of America for over thirty years. Look Carefully at the wrapper and see that it is khe kfnd 1ow haze 0lzcdyS 6OHghf, and has the signature of CHAS. H. FLETCHER on the wrapper. No one has authority from me to use my name except The Centaur Company of which Chas H. Fletcher is President.
 March 8, 1897. SAMUEL PITCHER, MD.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
paoL.Actine Excavation.

In an improved steam shovel or ex- cavator the shovel instead of being thrust from the car of the machine in digging or taking up load is moved toward the machine, which is thereby particularly we'll adapted for places where the surface to be removed is un- derlaid by ground too soft to support the weight of the machine after the surface is removed, as the car can tray al in advance of the work.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
A Summer Martyr.

There's a novel that is waiting
 On shelf not far away To be read to a conclusion
 When I have the time, some day. The heroine was charming
 And the villain was a churl- How l long to know the fortunes That befel that lovely girl. I'm convinced 'twould not be proper When such problems grave engage The thinkers of the present
 Fen to glance at fiction's page, And read debates and essays Spurn all sentimental larks- Though I long for more lovemaking And few quotation marks. So truly hope tariff
 May be soon decided on; That with reference to Cuba
 Something proper may be done. Then with conscience unprotesting, again may turn and look On the cherished fascinations
 Of my yellow covered book.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
.Oh, 2 kiss, ma'am," replied the uttle

 girl who evidently had older sisters.- Yonkers Statesman.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Make YOur Mill.

A man possessed of one dollar or a few hundred dollars has as much right to arrange for the distribution of his possessions as the man who has mil- ions. It Is also as incumbent upon the man of small means to properly dis yose el Ai5 holdings as -- -a upon line Oue who has more. The lawyers oI this country would lose many flt tros if those who have accumulated a DOT tion of this worlds goods, be it ever so small, would leave specific directions as to what disposition should be made of their property after death. Making 8 will is generally regarded as a very solemn affair, says National Stockman. Surrounded by all the gloom and sor- TOW of the death-bed, where these im- portant documents are generally made, the framing of last will and testa- ment is a very serious and unpleasant task.
 Many put this matter off on account of the expense attached to it in law a legible hand and express his ideas so that they can be understood can write his own will. The simpler the form the better, so it is clear. The following form will make as strong testament as can be framed by any attorney:
 I, ...... of ...... County, ...... State, do hereby make my last will and testament I give, devise and bequeath all my estate, real and personal, tO..... ........, =. heirs, executors, admins traitors and assigns.
 1 appoint ...... sole executor of this will
 In testimony whereof I have hereunto set my hand this .. day of ....., 1S9. ..
 Signed. ...............
 Signed, published and declared by the aDOVe ndIueu as ana TOT his last will and testament in the presence of us, who, in his presence and in the presence of each other and at his request, have hereunto subscribed our names as witnesses.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
sz:sess 1. Needsotea N:sa |y a|zsy5Sz5, 5, zsse e.s .sIflc crnifeit

The little maiden had French nurse, of whom she was very fond. One day this nurse departed, and her small charge wandered about the house, up- stairs and down, into the garden and back again, and finally hung about her mother, who was busy just then with the baby. Receiving no attention, she turned away, saying dejectedly: 'No- body loves me. I guess I'll go down in the garden and eat bugs. I ate free yeS'day-two smOove ones and one woolly one"
 A Georgia lawyer, who had a case in which conviction for his client seem- ed certain, closed his argument with a Scriptural quotation. To the amaze ment of all, the jury returned a yer dict of "Not guilty" without leayino their seats. After court had adiourn1 ed. the lawyer approached the fore man. 'I am curious to know" he said just on what point of law you based your yerdict?" Tt warn't no law point, colonel" replied the foreman, -bur we couldn't jest git over that scripture"
 An old darky was encountered by the expedition sent by Uncle Sam for the relief of sufferers by the Mississippi floods. Uncle Eph was in a dilapidat- ed-Eooking skiff or dugout, which ne was having considerable trouble to keep afoat He was busy padding with one hand and bailing out his craft with the other when the relief boat came within hailing distance of him. The captain of the relief-boat called to him: Hello, there, uncle! What do you want?" Nothing but wings, bOss?" was the answer
 When Wagner published his "Rienzi" he sent a copy of Offenbach, with a request that he would say what he thought of it. Offenbach had previous ly read some of WagnerS poems and had made fun of them. After some three weeks the score of 'Rienzi' was returned to it's composer, with a slip, on which was written: Dear Wagner, your music is trash; stick to poetry" This, of course, enraged Wagner great ly, and some months later he was out with one of his celeb -ated brochures denouncing the Jews. It was fine opportunity for revenge-Offenbach be- ing an Israelite-and the brochure was in the hands of Offenbach in no time. Two days elapsed and Wagner had the 1a% hna h4 this is what he found written on the front page: Dear Wagner, your bro- cure is rot; stick to music"
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
HOw'S THIS?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward or any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
 F.J. CHENEY & O., Props, Toledo. o. We, the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney for the last II years, and believe llm perfectly honorable in all business transactions, and financially able to carry put any obligation made by their firm. WEST X TRUAx, Wholesale Druggists.
 Toledo, O. WALDING. KINNAN & MARVIN, Wholesale
 Druggists, Toled ), 0. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous ,urfaces of the system. Price 75c. per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials free. Halls family Pills are Ihe best.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
ImDortaut Discoverv.

eul -B0St0n Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
4 Hint to the King.

MT. Bellefield-It seems to be true that Uneasy lies the head which wears B crown"
 Mir. Bloomfield-No wonder. I should think king would put on a more com fortable nightcap.-Pittsburg Chron- cle-Telegraph.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Destructive Bullets.

Lee-Metford bullets were made eff fective during the recent Benin expe- dition through the soldiers shaving otr the tops. This caused the case to drop off when the rife was discharged, ana enabled the leaden inner part to 1nnlct a wound severe enough to stop tue on set of attacking parties.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Dore Iired rwentr-nine Ycnrs.

riv~ " +vr+'r 7~~c A-~' hero --5- terday at the age of % years. It was the property of Miss Anna Augelspur- ger and was presented to her while sne was attending the ladies' seminary at North Bloomfield, Pa, 20 years ago. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Her Post-Graduate Cour.e.

Daughter-Yes, I've graduated. but now must inform myself in psychol- ogy, philology, bibli-
 Practical mother-Stop right where you are. have arranged for you a thorough course in roastology, boilol- ogy, stitchology, darnology, patchology and general domestic histology. Now get on your working clothes.-Detroit Free Press
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
The Cheerful Idiot.

"One time." said the travelled board CT, got tsnowed in on the Rocky Noun tains, and the only thing seven of us had for two days to sustain life was half barrel of pickled pigs feet"
 You were, indeed" said the cheerful idiot, reduced to extremitieS. ."2In- dianapolis Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Same Result,

'Didn't you say that the former Miss Dashaway was defeated in her cam' paign for Mayor"
 II did"
 "Then how do you figure out that she rules the town?"
 "She married her successful oppo- nent"-Philadelph North American.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
So TrickY.

Some folks" said Uncle Eben, ''is so tricky dat when dey comes acrost CT man dat's shu' huff honest dey gets skyaht am says he mus be playin' q pow'ful deep game. e."-Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
The Rnn1 T.nuhi

''They say he is short in his accounts. don't theyy'
 That is what they say, but the fact Is, he is short in his cash."- -Pittsburg Chronicle-Tclegraph
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
An OutcrOnninu.

'HOw do you know that stranger is from Brooklyn"
 He registered at the hotel as from Greater New York. rk."-Philadelphia North American.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
A Pretty Compliment.

Miss Baquebay-I had such a pretty compliment from my opticlan to-day.
 Miss Fenway-What was it, dear?
 Miss Baquebay-He told me that I had the best nose for eyeglasses that ever came under his professional treat mont Fs1e-Dra rT'r.e -- 1g.r-i4a+
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
And There They sticx.

'SThey always talk about the seven ages of man." said the Curious One. "Why not the seven ages of woman?'
 Because, my boy" replied the Know ing One, ''one is enough for them."- Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
ffofT1's SCHOOL.

One of the best Schools for Boys on this Coast is in charge of Ex-State Superintend- ent Ira G. H. ut, Ph. D., at Burlingame, San Mateo County, Cal, accredited.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
More Generous,

"You said that when we were mar ried you would refuse me nothing"
 ''Tll be still more generous. I'll not even refuse you nothing. I'll give it to you."-Cincinnai Enquirer.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

"Yes, shudge, bud de p'liceman no speaka de English. ."-Yonkers States man
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

A will of this kind will hold in the courts of any of the States if properly witnessed Two witnesses are gener- ally necessary. With this general form the distribution can be made to include any number of benefciaries, or chang ed to suit circumstances.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
CHEAP IRRIGATION.

The Hercules Gas Engine Works of San Francisco, Cal, the largest builders of gas, gasoline and oil engines on the Coast, are making extensive preparations for the Season's business.
 They are filling several orders for large irrigating plants and as this line of their bu ,iness increases each season, it is safe to say the farmers throughout the State are ap- preciating the advantages of irrigation with water pumped by this cheap power.
 The Hercules Works are at present build lng an 80 H. ?. engine for Geo. +. Packer, Colusa, which will raise 60JO gallons per minute from the river and distribute it over his land. This will be the largest gasoline pumping plant in existence.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
A DisaurceabIe Couseouerce.

"You say you hate to visit your rich relatives. Why? Don't they treat you weIl?"
 "Oh, yes, they always do everything they can to make 1t pleasant for us, but my wife never gets through con- plaining until about two weeks after each visit because we are not as well off as they."-Cleveland Leader.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

blundered, and sat staring at the at. torney for a moment. Then pulling himself together he said:
 All right, let that go into the rec ord. But you fellows knew danged we'll was only joking when I said 1t. and that will go into the record. too"
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

Mrs. Mulligan-An' phat be yez cryin' for. Mrs. MuldoOn?
 Mrs. MuldoOn-The banks busted not cint fur enny wun.
 Mrs. Mulligan-An' did yez have mon- ey saved in it, Mrs. Muldoon?
 Mrs. Mu.doOn-I did not, but this is the wan I'd go in ef I did.-New York Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
fss eheesfuf faiot.

"so you say" began the moderately new boarder, "that he speculated on q large scale exclusively. May inquire what was the use of this large scale" !"
 Glad to answer you" replied the Cheerful Idiot. "He had to have it for weighing the consequences. Indian. apolis Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
One of the Sure Siprs,

"What made you think Lillian was literary:'
 "Why, she wears her hair so mus sy."-Cleveland Plaindealer.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Why They Do It.

She-A woman marries a man to keep him indoors.
 He-And a man marries a woman to keep her in hatS-YOnkers Statesman.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Dividend Notice.

SAN FRANCISCO SAVINGS UNION,
 5S2 California Strpet, corner Webb. For the half year ending with the thirtiCth Of June, 1897, dividend has been declared at the rate per annum of four and two-tenths (42J per cent on Term Deposits, and three and i've tenths (3.5) per cent On Ordinary Deposits, free of taxes pay able on aud after Thursday July 1, 1897. LOWELL WHITE, Cashier.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
MRS. ELLA M'GARVY.'
Writing to Mrs. Pinkhan,

Says:-I have been using your Vege- table Compound and find that it does all that it is recommended to do. l bsva besn a sufferer for the last four
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

Rerorter-weIl, got the great Dr. slasher to sign that article for next sundays edition. Editor-GoOdi But vi at kept you so long Reporter-Why, the idiot wanted to read it.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Lydia E. Pinlkham's Liver Pills
DRUNKARDS 0AW sAVE6= aR

The craving for dTink is a Cispsse, a marveINus cure for which has been disc covered called "ADti- lag" which s.ake. the insbriate SC all IFS e for strnng drink without know ng why. as i can be given st cratly in tea, coff 2 Soup and the ike.
 If"Auti-Jsg" IS not kept by your drUgei<t send one dollar to the RRnCva Chemcal O.. 66 Rrc ad way New York. and it wi he sent po-tpaii in plain wrapper. with ful directions how to give tecretly. IufOI nation maile tree.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Her Occupation.

"Well, Mollie," said the little girls father, what have you been doing all dayT'
 Doing nothing" said Mollie, pout- ing. I've been don'ting most of the time" ."-Harpers Bazaar.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
The Supreme Power.

Do you mean to say" thundered the court, ''that you hold any human au- thOrity higher than the laws of the land?
 "NO," stammered the timid witness, except when Pm at home. My wife makes the laws there."-Detroit Free Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
ZEE THE FAREWELL IS SPOKE,

ZEE THE FAREWELL IS SPOKEN
 In the deck of the steamer or ou beard the rain that Is 70 bear you away from those lear to you, you will il you are wise, have safely slowed away in your luggage kufi- cient supply of that safe guard against illness -Hostert-r's Stomach Bitters. commercial -ravelerS, tourists and p'Oneer emgrants con-
 'ur 1R tes flying to t"e fortifying a,d saving properties of the great tonic. Use for consti- .'@ft"" h'li"nS""ss malariaI and kidney com
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

PisO's Cure for Consumption is the only cough medicine used in ny hOu e. D. c. Albright. Mitiinburg, Pa, Dec II, '9J
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
,o." stammered the timid witness
Will It Come to This?

Youthful Male Applicant-I know I've been a pretty tough lot, sir, but
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

Mrs. NrNraa ss-l ..-. a..- ....... much. MT. &-e-I. bs--... .t, - o.. -.. r m asrsiC ne lae a poor opinion Ur
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
$c4OOee not $2OOe %

Two San Francisco grocers-Rng Bros and I Sacr-77 $oooo each because they the most yellow kets before June I5th.
 But gocers and clerks can get tickets than other consumers also paid $Ioo each the two persons named below:
 Mrs. Wm Funk, Winnemucca, Nevada, I32 tickets
 During 819 Bryant San Francisco, 72 tickets
 Mrs During got number of friends in San Francisco and by lone keeps boarding house give her their tickets; and she used the tea herself
 By the way, she Schfngs Best baking powder and extracs-too bad she doesn't know how good Scs Best spices are But she says the extracts and baking powder are wonderful.
 A in Stockton. who keeps restaurant very near getting prize. She deserves for supplying her customers such good tea
 Better read advertisements every daysome contain suggestions how to win the prize
 way goce compete $sooo prizes yellow tickets between They however, for the $Iooo.oo prize. B4 SCHILLING'S BEST TEA SAN FRANCISCO
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

St. Peter-Oh, never mind that; walk right in. Young men are so terribly scarce nowadays that we can't afford to be particular.-Cleveland Plaindeal- CT
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
CouIdu,t Find Laudseer.

Madam-Well, Mary, what did you think of the pictures at the academy? :?
 Mary-Oh, mum, there was picture called ''Two Dogs" after Landseer, but I looked at it for nearly half an hour and I couldn't see anything of Land. seer.-Tit-B Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

Then why does artists always make pictures of 'em standing on a hill three miles away looking at battle through an opera glass "'-Tid Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

Blif'ers readingl-Sciepce now recoq- nizes condition called "inioxicatioD by radiation" Many cases of drunken ness are cited h which .ho g1utIm had touched nOthing alcoholic but had sim ply been in the company of drinkers.
 Whiffers-Cut that out. 1 want to show 1t to my wlfe.-Pearson's Weekly.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Infectious.

Little BOreham (relating his Alpine adventures)-There l stood, the abyss
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

Chopper (yawning portentiously)- 'Scuse me, B, but the things infectious. Household Words.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

years with womb trouble, weak
 back and eXcre- tions. I was hard ly able to do my household duties, and while about my work was so nervous that
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

WINE PRESSES FOX SALE Below Cost. Different Sizes. Also Stem mers and Seeders.
 Address, O. N. OWENS,
 215 Bay St., San Francisco, Cal.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Of Courae Not.

"Why didn't you move on when the policeman ordered you to?" asked the New York judge of the prisoner.
 ''I no untershtand him, shudge," re piled the prisoner.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
 VARIOUS HUMORISTS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over-Sayingst that Are Cheer full to Old or Young Funny Selections that You Will Enjoy.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

Sunday-school Teacher-Tommy, who made all these beautiful fields and mountains?
 Tommy-I don't know. We just mov- ed here.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
BOItiuO If.

Mother-JOhnny, how often have told you that you must not bolt your food?
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
-nrs-ence, Trof,a7,7v.

An Inference Probably What would you call the sound pro dUced when the TWO bodies come tO- gether?" asked the teacher, who was trying to explain what noise Is to heI pupils.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
up in des-

able. Ihad also given
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
Dividend Notice

... talf.r-.t. Street For r.e as. ".-F CT .r- Jung J. 4--4. a l VI. dead has er. .-C-.-lrd t5 the IaJe of four aud twenty hundFedths (4 20 -iG0) Der cent Der aunull on Term Deposits and three aud fifty -huudreCths a 5OlO0) per cent per snnum on Ordinary De- pOsitS, tree of axes, payable on and ter Thurs day July ], 1897. GEO. TOURNY, Secretary.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
4 Poser.

Father, are generals brave menY' asEai Johnny or his fStAn-. Il es, my son, as a ruIe, was the
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
M MEpicAl.

DR. RECORDS sstorative Pills, the great nerve tonic and specific for exhausted vitality; phys ieal debility, wasted forces, etc; approved by Ihe medical celebrities of the world. Agent J. c. STEELE, 635 Market st., Palace Hotel. S. F. Prize. box of 50 q 25; of lO0 P; of 200 8 50 of DUPTUKE and PILES cured; no pay 1C until cured; send for book. DRs. MANSFIELD & PoRTERFIELD, SSS Market St., San Francisco. [%S< " " FN -SHILDR-h TEETHIHC.'
 MRS. hlNSLOW $ SOOI.-ING STEUP should always ha q
 used TOT ehdren teethlng ItsOnthes the child siS ne gums, aays al pen. wind coiic and tne best remedy for da-rhCee- Twenty i've cents A oottie. It iS the best of all
 A A zA a A A a "a "a se A
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31
JOhnny-Guess it isn't any worse to

DOlt my Tood tIlan | $ Tor you to t7l7-1 the key on it when it's in the cupboard. Boston Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-31

SEN. U. No. 7S6. New Series No. 29