The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1897-03-07
MATTER WITH KANSAS.
EDITOR WHITE SAYS THE STATE Is
COMING or an RIGHT.
she Has Had the Populism Pretty Bad,
built Is Getting Out of Her Blood.
Cain Was the First Popuiist.

A special from GAINESVILLE, Ohio. to the
Cleveland Plain Dealer says: William
A White came into fame during the last
campaign in Congress. not so much in
political sense as in literary sense.
The speech which he delivered at the
Ohio Republican League in this city, on
Friday. portrays his style perfectly. II
was as follows:
There is a song which some Of you may
have heard, which begins
Oh. potatoes they grow small, out in
Kansas.
And they eat them tops and all. out III
Kansas.
There arc forty-three stanzas 10 TINS
ballad, and the burden OF the song Is
that Kansas is about the thirty-third de-
cree in the lodge OF the Royal Arch De-
mon and that a man, after going through
the whole sizzling inferno, Is sent 10 Kan
sas TO get homeslck for hades.
That song contains several important
errors. In the first place. we do not eat
them tops and ali out ia Kansas. We
eat them mashed with chicken gravy
and fried with ham gravy, just as you
DO here In Ohio.
Ia tho second place we do not have to
All our wells with rock TO Keep them
from blowing away. nor do we trim the
claws OF the Kansas catfish to prevent
them from scratching the bark of the
trees IN dry weather. Neither do We
send our abstracts to Missouri. 50 that
the grasshoppers will not destroy tho
title 10 tho land.
These are popular decisions which hurt
Kansas. And Of late a new dslusion
has spread through the country to the
effect that the Populists are of the reser-
walton killing plutocrats out Of season
and contrary 70 law.
These things being prevalent belief.
make the street-car horses laugh till their
sides hurt when they see 4 Kansas man.
This is unfair. Kansas is a little queer
at times, but so are Indiana and Illinois
for that matter.
But just because four or five Kansas
Congressman have the lumpy jaw you
should not infer that We grow tails and
run wild with the buffalo. When Mr..
Altgold. OF Illinois. began 10 see things
and talk 10 himself you gentlemen didn't
believe that the citizens Of Chicago all
walked backward 70 keep their trousers
from bagging at the knees.
Because Ignatius Donnelly scrambled
his brains with the wheels In his head.
no one thought Of putting Minnesota IN
the violent ward
Because Jones. Of Arkansas-hold ont
II hasn't got so far yet that Kansas
man has 10 defend Arkansas IN ordsr
TO stand up for Kansas. We will have
20 draw the line somewhere. and Arkan-
sas is a good place TO begin.
I have boon invited here 10 tell YOU
what is the matter with Kansas. and l
have come nearly one thousand miles In
the middle of winter 10 say that there
is absolutely nothing the matter with
Kansas.
There has been something the matter
with Kansas-a good deal the matter with
Kansas. The devil has been to pay out
in Kansas. but he has been paid in 100
cent dollars. And that account seems to
be closed.
The best way 10 explain 20 you what
has been the matter with Kansas is 20
recall the story Of Uncle Chester Thomas,
who used to be the boss in Topeka poll
tics. The old man was rarely disturb
ed. but one time. when the reformers
gave him tho fight Of his life in Topeka,
no lost his head. That was the cam
paien IN which the old man told HIS co.
horts to "Chur for EN- boys, chur fer
EN-. but vote again EN-
il was election day when tho old man
had been quietly circulating around the
polls. distributing rewards OF merit and
increasing the per capita. when he sud
denly turned and rushed back 10 his Of
fee where his friends were gathered and
painted despairingly Boys. boys. for
heavens sake send some one down 10
tho Fourth Ward: them idiots have been
for three hours voting just as they damn
please
That's principally what's the matter
with Kansas We haven't been able UNI
~ last fan 10 vote as we please-as We
damn please if YOU prefer the Latin.
For SIX or seven years Kansas has been
under the spell of the demagogues. From
1890 10 1894 all parties We'd with one am
other IN putting tommy rot into their
platforms You gentlemen here I'm Ohio
have doubtless noticed with CONSERVATION
what fads. what foOlisms, what rank
nonsense have passed current for Repub-
licanism at one time or another out in
Kansas.
When Jerry Simpson ran for Congress
the first time the Republicans I'm his dis
trict stole his platform bodily and then
ahsolyed the Republican nominee from
the duty Of abiding by the house caucus.
Tho people couldn't vote as they pleased.
They had TO choose the less violent OF
two lunatics. For years a crowd Of fell
lows dominated the Republican party IN
Kansas whose motto was "Molasses
catches moro flies than vinegar"
As a result tho state platform was
more after ily trap than a declaration
of Republican principles. These sentlc-
men saw that Kansas was built on the
instailment rlan-to be paid for IN small
monthly payments. They preached
bogus way out Of debt because they be-
lieved that u was a sure way into office.
They used to tiptoe around among the
delegates at conventions telling them
what was the Smooth thing" TO put I'm
the platform.
These political economists Of the soft
soap school would stand proudly on
platform recommending moonshine as
legal tender. inGorsing astrology. declar-
ing for blue glass and the barefoot cure.
plcdCing the party 10 vegetarianism and
whooping II up for the free an unlimited
coinage Of hapdoodle Think of what
Kansas escaped with these ghost dancers
leading the Conservative party for half
a dozen years. The wonder IS not that
the State went for Bryan. but that it
did not go for the Rev. lrl Hicks and
George Francis Train.
When tho national Republican party
last fall demanded honor and courage
from It's men the mombers Of this smooth
thing gang IN Kansas organized them
selves into a phalanx that came tumbling
head over heels into the Populist party.
They left Kansas 10 vote as she pleased