Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-04-18
AN EASTER STORY.
THE IpLER WRITES A Seasonal
BILE ROMANCE IN TWO PARTS.
The VHIMs OF MOTHER EARTH.
Gossip Among the Dnrn-Ynrd
Fowls With the Cochin China
Rooster as the Hcro-He Talks of
People and Their FalIacies.

II was balmy. git-edged day In Shang-
haivillc. and Nature smiled. or rather
eigged on all the world. Within the
barnyard the sooty sparrows chirped and
the unmarried pigeons coosd and the
ducks Of imperfect medical education
quacked. and the turkeys eobbled-that
IS, sobb,ed UP everything they could find
10 eat.l while the cochin-China rooster
cheerfully executed his usual hornpipe
before his favorite pullets. It was
spring-elastic, fndls.rubber. bouncing
spring-and the earth knew that her new
garb zTould soon arrive. and that IN it
she would be the envy OF all other female
planets.
Venus won't touch me-" she thought,
"when / show up on Faster morn with
those variegatod flowers and my vernal
smile. In fact. Venus never was much
on clothes anyhow. and she usually
thinks she's at her best with hg-ieaf,
or something equally indecent To her
tailor-made suit Is as uncomfortable
as a coat OF sackcloth and ashes" Just
then Earth remembered that. despite the
simplicity OF her sister planets costume
Mars. Jupiter, Saturn. and all the other
stellar beaux were rather fond of Venus
and that the light OF their benevolent
countenancos shone continually upon her,
Earth's heart beat violently against her
iock-ribbod sides and she grew volcanic
ut the very thought. It's always the
way with the males" she Indignantly
snuttered. as she pcevishly josled
sister planet that was hurrying through
space. "They hate everything in the
way OF clothes. Even Sol, who has
shown considerable warmth Of feeling to-
wards me, once said: Rot your cussed
garbage when / mentioned my spring
raimert to him" At this juncture Earth.
upon reflection. recalled the words OF the
Sun. and realized that she had misquoted
him. What he had really said was:
Rot your cussed garb" though Earth
knew full well that he was an efflcacious
factor in rotting her garbage. too. But,
after all" soliloquized Earth, 'Sol is
mighty bright, and there's no denying the
fact that he has taken great shines 10
me- He has always been my friend.
and however much he dislikes my Easter
rig. he is the natural guardian Of my
complexion. over and over again, when
winters SHOWS have bleached my coun-
tenance. he has come out and said. Get
off the face of the Earth and they got.
too. Many are the little attentions he
one million years he VIII be one inch
nearer me. How can wait? i DO hope
j won't be naked and bare when he ar
rives And ! do hope. too that peo-
pie will stop calling me Mother Earth
before he gets here. 1t wouldn't sound
well at all for them to gay Mother
Earth was out promenadlng last night
with her. sun and I know Venus viii
publish it just that way in her society
column in the Milky Way Tattier
And Earth went on pirouetting through
space. and contemporary turning up
her mundane nose at the nebulae until,
all of a sudden. an idea struck her. Yes.
though size was a female. an idea struck
her, ana struck her hard, too. 1t was
about her hated rival. Luna (known in
the society columns of the milky Way
Tattler' as Cynthia), who Is, perhaps,
Of all the she-planets, the most attrac-
tive: What in the name of Heaven
will she have Easter, 1 wonder
thought Earth. as she Indignantly
stepped on the tail Of the Dog Star, and
won that worthy's everlasting hate.
.gThere isn't any doubt that she and
Venus win be right In the band-wagon
Sunday night, while ] shall cut sorry
figure with my veil of darkness. Drat
the Moon. anyhow! Sol won't show his
face in the same sky with her and she
even makes Aurora blush. Everything
mean / have comes from her. Moon
shine whiskey is her offspring and crazy
people even borrow their names from
her. She never had an opinion OF her
own and she's totally eclipsed several
times a year. During the last cam
paign she straddled the money question
straight along and there was no telling
where she stood. one day some poet
would call her the silver queen of
night" and before I could make one
revolution on my axis, she'd bob up as
fair. golden moon or some such
twaddle as that. It's perfectly ridiculous
to see her gushing over that nasty, little
poodle, the Dog Star, or petting the
Great Bear. And then. too, she had the
audacity once, when l was gliding
through some swagger planets. TO sing
a vulgar song, entitled. All, there my
size, I'll squeeze you She's not my
size, the horrid. silly satellite. and even
the dictionary puts her down as secon-
dairy Atlas is willing to carry me on
his shoulder when ! am a weary. but
he wouldn't so much as give her school