Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1897-04-19
JUST FOR FUN.

OF OnlSSlOu, anu Lie I0SPOhoOo WIN
out any pause or hesitation, 1.-THE sins
we have forgotten to commit"
When a man considers himself as
zone in thousand he naturally re-
CARDS others as eiphers.
An English lecturer on chemistry
said: zone drop Of this poison placed
on the tongue of a cat is sufficient to
kill the strongest man."
"I wonder" said the philosophical
boarder, '.why fight is called
scrap?'7 because it is a broken
peace,n the cheerful idiot explained,
with his usual promptitude.
Isn't he funny insect? said Wallie,
looking at the centipede as it walked
across the floor. Awfully funny.
Looks like parade, doesn't he? said
Mollie Yes, replied Wallie. He
must have been well drilled to march
SO well.
A recent applicant for pension
who had been wounded while his re-
giment was in retreat put that fact in
this way: IT received my wound" he
said, eEwhile marching rapidly in front
of the enemy"
An Oklahoma editor expresses his
thanks for a basket of oranges thus:
eve have received a basket Of orang-
es from our friend Gus Bradley, for
which he will please accept our com
pliments, some of which are nearly
six inches in diameter.
Friend-Do you always wait for in
spiration before you write Pc EN-?
Authorize. I always need ten dol
lars.
els the sail the only thing that
guides ship?' asked the green pas
senger. ssNo,'' said the mate. ''There
are rudders."
Her Father-Has my daughter given
you any encouragement, sir? Suitor
Well, she said you were always a
very generous parent.
ssI am hopeful that you will pay me
that SO before the end of the week
Smith, s'That's right, old man. Be
hopeful, but don't be sanguine."
''I believe you men think more of
your wheels than you do of your
wives" "Why not? We can get an
improved make every year"
Fisher DO you believe in heredity?
Mann-Sure Many a time [ have
noticed that when a man was rich his
son had the same trait.
Miss Wabash-So you came from
from Boston, do you? That's where
everybody is so cultured, isn't it?
Miss Beaconstreet-No; cultivated.
Blynkins- That fellow, DeSoque,
says some very dry things, doesn't
he? Wynkins-Yes, Pve heard him
say 'sDon't care if do'' repeatedly.
eff poker is our national game,
then the American beauty rose ought
to be the national flower. ''Why?"
"Because it has such royal flush"
Minnie George said ought to go
on the stage. He said that he had no
doubt would be a peach. Mammie
Are YOU sure IO N1QAl OouJ q O4ISA
ry?
"Do you think your son will get
through college?'' eyes, I have ev-
cry reason to believe he will. He
passed his first foot ball game splen-
didly."
Tom my-Paw, what is designing
villain? Mr.. Figg-Oh, the descrip-
ton would apply to one of these pos
ter artists about as we'll as anything.
He-Have you heard my new song,
''The Proposal?n She-No; what key
is it in? He-Be-mine-er She-l
will. (And now you can transpose it
to the key of GA fat"
Reed-All the original jokes were
written 1900 years ago. Wight-What
nonsensel I'll leave it to you, now.
Do look as if I could be more than
1000 years old?
Rugby-Our landlady is one of the
most expert calculators in town. Will
kins-Is she? Rugby-Yep. We had
beans for dinner today, and she asked
me how many I would have.
Professor-Say, Anna, couldn't we
justas we'll postpone our silver we'd
ding and celebrate it at the same
time as the golden wedding? [ don't
like to be interrupted in my work Sc
often.
ssPoor Dick is gone! He was de-
voted cyclist, wasn't he?' eyes, in
deed! He left will stating that he
was to be cremated and used to help