The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-08-15
GOLDARN JONAS'S RETURN.
TO 60 BACK TO oQUAGA LAKE As
PIEM4N IF NOT As POSTMASTER.

"Reminiscences Of His Postal E-s-ssrieittes-Au
stamps HAD to ne Put On IiHht when Ne
Was in ChnrEs-HIs Troubiss with n New
Lssse OF stansps-Ns other PIES Like ut.-
Deposit, v. Y. Aug. 14.-Folks out Mt Oquaga
Lake say that Goldarn Jonas RiveuOerg is COM
ing back there To live again. He drove over to
the lake last week, hung about for a time, and,
after rrmarkiny that things hadn't changed
much, and 1t was still about as good a place as
any man would want to i've in, he observed that
he guessed he'd come back to his old settlement
by aud by. Opinions might vary as to the de-
STABILITY of oquaga Lake as a residence the
year around. as It is "A five. mile drive over .
mountain road from this place. which Is the
nearest railroad town. But in summer the little
springfield lake, set like a cup amid the hills
and almost surrounded by virgin forest, is one
OF Natures beauty spots. And about the most
picturesque thing about the lake as it used TO
be was Goldarn Jonas Riyenberg. Therefore
the summer residents are rejoicing at the pros
pect Of his return.
Goldarn Jones Is an apostle Of profanity and
pie, both mild. In the profanity line his one
oath il that which. by the frequency and fervor
OF the use OF it. gave him his nickname. As for
his pies, nothing like them has been tasted since
he went, 80 the lake people say. They make q
hne brand OF pie up there now. but Goldarn
Jonas's pie was at once ethereal and ambrosial,
the KIND or pie That you never forget, crust LnhL
melts in the mouth and contents that slip softly
down the throat without putting you to the
trouble Of swallowing. Besides selling pie, Col
darn Jonas sold stamps, for he was the original
Postmaster at Oquaga Lake, and the mails which
came and went once a day between the lake and
this town were the pride OF his heart. The pie
business was only Incidental at first, but it grew
to proportions that bothered the Postmaster as
the reputation OF the dainty edible spread.
1t used to be the regular thing for Goldarn
Jonas to 20 TO bed at go, and it used also to Do
che regular thing for the lake people out sailing
or fishing by moonlight to be smitten with q
craving for pie ut some such unenrthly hour as
midnight. Then they would land at the foot Of
The Lake, and 20 VI in . body 70 Go.Ga.I Jonass
house TO pound upon the door. This was the
nature Of the ensuing dialogue:
"oh, JonAsl Hi. Jonas! Get up. Jonas! Pie,
Jonas. Pie, PIE., PIE!!l"
well. guldarn! What d, you young folks
mean waktn' me up at this hour r
Come down and give Us some pie, Jonas
"Piel Well. goldarn! Did you young folks
wake me up this late Jest for pie r
Certainly. We're starving. Haven't got q
thing to eat in the house. Hurry up
No; goldarn et I will"
Then one Of the girls in the ~party-Jonas was
very partial to the girls, who always stopped to
chat with him when they came after the mail
would say pleadinsly:
Oh Mr.. Jonas. we're awfulIy hungry, really.
And that blackberry pie Of yours will Just do US
more good than anything on earth"
"Humph! lin q weakening toneL All the pies
is over in the Post Office. Besides. you hadn't
oushter wake the. I have TO get up early tendin'
to postal business
The Post Ofice was the east end of Goidarn
Jonas's barn. but he would have died rather
than refsr to it as anything but ths Post ofice.
Oh. ys0 can sleep in the afternoon. Do
4 right In come. But. goldarn ye, 70
Then he would amble down. get out all the
pies in the place. and return to bed Srumblin9
and goldarn.ng to the effect that he'd buy a gun
and shoot any young folks thar come Disturbing
get up and DO IL all over again. for his heart
could not resist the pleading OF the girls Or the
nattery in the assurances that nothing would do
but his pies.
Officially Goldarn Jonas was undoubtedly the
most conscientious Postmaster in the United
States. Ii his accounts hal ever come one cent
short he would probably have drowned himself
through his Post Ottice had to have the stamp
precisely in the right hand corner and neatly
aligned with the angle of the envelope or he was
You amt got any idee. Miss, he snid to one
Of the cottaSers who slappe'. a stamp on cross
ways" how much trouble things like that give
a Postmaster. Now, sposen | send that letter
"a wi with T me so1ePnn aIt 59p S5n:q Ike !iF ts5 lou r..
Government says, Postmaster Rivenberg is
turnin out some mighty 9ueer'iooktng letters
from OquaRa Lake Post Office Then first you
know there's an Investigation and all sorts Of
trouble
By way OF n Joke the lake people then sent in
letters with stamps in the lower corners. in the
lett.hand corner. in the middle OF the envelope,
with the address written around. and even on
the backs OF the envelopes. This made the Post:
master very sad, and many were the Z" goldarns"
which he hreathed out over those letters. Per.
sonal appeals to the writer's remedted most Of
the cases. but a few OF the people insisted on
their right to put the STAN ps where they pleased.
One OF these came over To the Office one dan and
found Goldarn Jonas working with q moistened
sponge and a knife on a stamp securely set in
the middle OF an envelope.
What are you trying TO do, Jonas r. he asked.
Get this Foldarn stamp where it belongs"
" Do you do that with all OF them
Il should oafi tn p that e" y F'SPi' ' 81 ) PI the 1 Stamps
That's Just what I do. rol darn it,"
Then what becomes OF the letters r.
" scrape the old stamp or and buy q new one
out Of ny, pic money and send the EoIdarn let
ter or right and proper
When this fact became known 10 ended the
persecution IN that line. and the offenders
wanted TO make up the Postmnster's exDendi-
lures but he had Kept no account OF them,
right" he said. :" than have the Government get
down on me, Yes. stree, a goldarn sight p
During Goldarn Jonas's incumbency there was
anew stamp issue. which was a bitter blow to
him. He seemed to take IL as n reflection on his
handling OF the other stamps.
" What in the Land the Government wanted to
shGnge them stamps for beats me" he would
be faul-hnding with the Government. bur. gol-
darn, 1t does beat me. The old stamps was ali
right. They always sold lively enough here, and
| Amt had any complaints about EN-. They was
a nice color and convenient size and pretty
shape, and the stickum on the hack was good
too good, sometimes" he would add with a recol,
lection Of his past efforts Al rea%rrangrno ont.
4 long as 4 line OF goods Is sailin' AL right
. don't 20 shiftin on QUITO something new, IL my
motto. wrote 10 the Postmaster over TO De-
90 Ps'it good aP0G a m ii, a%a td he H., iay' ol tHfr ,t,m MA.
over there rs he ever had for any stamps; 30 [
guess they wins satisfactory enough all around,
Folks miuhI not like these nov STAMINA Gunann
they didn't buy. Then the Government 4 say;
Postmaster kivenberE ain doin' the business
he used TO DO; must br something wrong First
vow know thcre'i Ne an investigation and All
sorts " trouble. G0ldarni I don / like IT,"
some folks think that IT. was the new issue
that drove GOldlrE jones away, Atany rate,
l. he gave Hp the Office soon after II npgcpra and
, dep rted bag nnd baggage. The Poet OhiCr /. in
the hOtsl now, 80 he probably could not got IL
back bnt II b" can't -eil stamps he can sell nias,
/, and in any capacity he viii be warmly welcomed
by he lake people.