The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1897-07-02
June 20, 1897.
Trumps From Various Qunrtcrs.
CHIPS.

The patrons of Fork Academy have
elected the following board Of trustees
(or their school: Mrssrs. 9. NJ. Kinnrd,
Glen Myus, John l.ominick.
In our last letter we wrote "nine
months" and the typo set it up 'lve
months." Guess wc know more about
il than hc docs.
y mas! dog PASSED through this com
munity II few days ago biting every
thing that came in reach of it's mouth.
Several dogs arc known to have been
bitten by it.
What Il pleasure it is to live in the
country where there is no one to uues-
tion your right to breathe fcely, think
freely and speak accordingly; where
there are no crowded sidewalks and no
one to dispute your right to as much
elbow room as you want; where there
are apple pies, blackberry pies and
milk and cream to eat with them, and
beans, Irish potatoes and cabbage and
pretty fields of fresh, growing cotton to
look at, and goose rife" with
which to knock out general green, etc, ,
and-wcll that is sufficient. The un-
dcrsigned is "happy and serene" out
l>"c in the country.
We notice our barbecue makers are
beginning to tack up their notices.
These notices never seem complete I'M
less they assure us that "thc candidates
are invited to be present. This assur-
ancc is made in order to draw out a
large crowd. Now this bcing an off
year in politics, there arc no candi-
dates to be invited, therefore those
who anticipate having barbccues and
who wish to draw q large crowd will
hit the nail on the head by substituting
in place of the words, "the candidates
are invited to be present" tho follow
ing: "The correspondents of The
Herald and News are invited to bo
present and make speeches for the
amusement and entertainment Of the
crowd" Then write special invita-
ton to such OF tho brethren OF the
Fifth Estate as you want to address tho
crowd, and be sure to send along with
the invitation free ticket to the dim
ner table and tho lemonade stand.
Then announce your 'cuc" and az
rangcmcnts IN The Herald and Ncws,
and go homo and fix up table long
enough to seat all the readers of that
paper, and when your "cuc" is ovcr
and your profits bnlging your pockets
way out, you will want to have another
barbecue and extend some more free
invitations. Say, brethren OF the Fifth
Estate, do you catch on?
Chips seems to have fixed up that
programme to suit his own notion
lie wants us to jump q pole flvo feet
high for fifteen minutes, box with Gee
llaw and run race with Sign,a--all in
one day. Gee whiz! We would re-
mind our friend that the undersigned
is not II Sampson nor Hercules, fur
thermorc when wo suggested this kind
OF amusement we did not bargain to
take part in everything, especially to
box with Gee Haw. Tho faot IL we
had much rather run any time than
box, therefore Sigma and "we" will
sift sand White Gee Haw boxes with his
shadow or some other uig fellow. AS
for jumping that pole, we make tho
following conditions: That Chips shall
have no voice in the selection of the
two young ladies' who are to hold tho
pole, and we must be satisfied that tho
ones selected have not had q previous
onfcrence with him, because the un-
dersigned does not propose to be tripped
up by anyone If he can help 1t. 1t
would seem that Chips doesn't want to
do anything on That day but eat water,