The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1897-10-31
The Tale of Apostrophe S.

4
IT hav bin axed to tell the storeigh of
| Aposrophe S. the Promising Young Man.
IN III du 1t agen jes; fur lack.'' writes
| the old settler Of HeI;oaring Greek. Ok
| Iahoma.''
| Mrs Peter Matthews. nli;ey gud u sem
| sibul people. Whose only fault wuz their
| sublime fathe IN love fur IN in this saim
| Apostrophe s. How did he Sc, tina, naim
/ Wei. that IS one OF the funny things of
| this exceedingly kurius storeigh. Young
! Matthews went 20 skule until ne got into
| the ther6 -ee6e-, IN then there wuE trub-
| BILE Somehow hiz mind 6idn't wurk be-
| yond that He just kline OF stopped. with
! the two frun, feet Of his mentality stuck
| in;o the soil OF progress like an obst-
| rate dunkey. Wei. he went 10 skule un the
! teecher asst him what his na,m wuz IN
| he sed: Matthews" I'm how du VI
| spell III" sed the ,eecher. kindly. Mat
,-h-e-w-'-s." sed young Matthews. 1. gut
! out n the kummuni,y. IN after that be
| wuz kawled Apostrophe s.
He wudn't study; he wudn't Tern: he
| wudI't do eanything the teecher wanted
| him 20 90. So the tsecher running out
| of psshense az last. sent him home. H!z
| folks wuz mad. The teecher didn't III
derstand their boy. he wuz materially
| brillyan,. they sed. un the teacher didn't
| understand the ways OF genius They
sed that genius. anyhow. didn't need to
| be edyoucated-that Il wuz so orillyant
| that skule lerning was a waste OF valubul
| time-that their son. Aposrophe S. wui
bekum one of the crate men of the wurld
| IN wud shame that whole town un astonish
| the whole youniverse.
-.
| every wish. They 90, him everything he
| asi for. They took his side in every opin-
yon. They appruved every wh.m he
TUX.
Wei, the boy CRU up until he gut TO be
about fifteen years OF age. He wuzn't an
idiot He wuz jest promising. Hiz he'd
wuz full of nonsense. / think he he'd moar
| ambishun than Napoleon ever dared TO
have. He wuz a CRATE -eeder. He red
about CRATE men. The poor boy wanted
10 be CRATE. He wuE actually feverish
to konker the wurld, and bless me, IL he
he'd been moar ekwally balanced In that
he'd of hlz. if l don't believe ne wud a.
done 1t.
One day met him on the road. about a
mile from tom, un he had tied sroun him
an Old sword I stopped him un asst him
where he wuz going. Without a smile
he seq: Il will be emperor of America
inside of three months" l kline of smiled
I'm went on. 1 knu that that boy, Apos-
trophe 5, wLd be back in toUn befoa-
mite. Tn, sure enuff, along about SUNSET
back he pokes with his old sword a-jin Gin z
about his legs. Tn stops him un asst him
what he kwit the emperor business for
un he seq: II gu, to thinking about how
menny men il wud kill fer me TO go into
that thing, un then / thot how much
grsnder it wud be. # 1 shud instead ov
killing men, I shud invent great RENE
dees un keep 'em from dying"
I didn't laff cuz the kid wuz so ernest
about It.
About two weeks from that experience
I waited one day until l saw both of his
parints wuz out of the house s-v.s.tinS
somewhere. IN there wud be no danger OF
them being present II / had 10 laf, and
so offend them. Then I skeedaddles over
TO that house un raps on the door, IN
Apostrophe let's me in. l follers him
through the house, and .ntu his room
Things WIZ all tumbled about in there. He
he'd table in the middle in which there
wuz piled medical books until yu cudn't
rest. But the funny thing wuz a lot OF
shelves on one side OF the room all full
of bottuls un awl the bottuls labeled
neatly.
"Wel. seq I. "hav yu discovered emmy
thing fer the benefit NV humanity"
Yes sed he. rising un taking doun
a bottul. There IL, fur instance. my
CRATE kure fer konsumpshun"
TUX the botul unit looked at 1t. 1t wuz
empty.
There's nothing in IT. seq 1.
It's here" sed he, tapping his he'd. 81
amt had time TO get it concocted Wen
the time kums l viii put Il out into the
wurld. Now here IL my CRATE kure fer
rheumatism
That bottul wuz empty. tu
Some day I'll get that filed, tu." he
sed. But l am so bizzy now a-discover-
ing the proper remedies fer yellow fever
that I haven't he'd the time All those
bottuls you see there are crate cures fer
something
l didn't smile. jest walked out knu
his parints wuz encouraging him un it
wuzn't zactly his fault
About three months later I slipped over
un cawled on him agen. Awl the bottuls
wuz gone. but in there place wuz a hole
lot OF fine books. These books he'd avn
knes OF titles. I'm under eech title wuz
his naim. walter Matthews printed on
dumfoundered. How cud that boy write
awl those books, in that short time?
You've quit remedees?'' asst
Yes" sed he. Man can live only
short time, any way, un what's the use OF
saving him? Why not write something
fer all generations TO reed?'
l TUX down a book marked: "The Beau
ties OF Nature" and bless me IL there
wuz a thing between the backs OF the
book. 1t WIZ the same way with the hole
library.
II haven't ritten emmy OF 'em yet" sed
he, but there awl here. Gaping his
heD I'm when / get time I'll rite 'em.
thot I'd hav the baks reddy.'
l didn't laff. / never iaffei a. the boy.
/ watched him maik fying-mschines. teie-
graph schemes. everything. un never sue
ceeding. while his parints always thot ne
wud do something CRATE some day. w ire
whole toun got to calling him sarksst.cslIy:
The promising young man"
At last his father gifts mad and reeds |
the riot act 10 the boy.
The boy wUz mortified. He wen; 20 bed !
In a day ne vuz ded. That's what the /
parints sed. In the doctor backed 'em /
up. The news spr.d rapidly. Everybuddy I
vuz kurius. One woman sed that the boy /
had se1 on taxing % oed. sha4! de. 4
father" Other win1in SD that Mrs 4
Matthews WIZ a-go!nE - ieeve her hus- 4
band fer abusing the boy. Ev-ry5u3sy i
vuz a-going 70 the funeral A; the proper 4
tine the house was crowded. Mr.. IN Mrs
Matthews Tuz fearful. The undertaken.
after the singing. goes over u closes coau
the coGin-lid IN seq:
''Neighbors. tae body is in such a cont
ton az he psrtnts Wud not Ike - &c be
seen. VI. according. the usual ceremony /
~ taking the last l0ck zi'f ~ rasvef