Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-01-07

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For It 10 still alive to-day
Though murdered every second.
New York Truth.
Modern slang: Hell am doing to
kiss you. She Well, like that!-Town
Topics.
He-Well, your sister Is married. Now
It's your turn. She-Oh, Georgei ask
papa.-New York Journal.
Tourist--Are we near the falls? Guide
Yes, sir. AS soon as the ladies' stop
talking you can hear the yorktown
Topics.
II don't see your mistletoe," said he,
CHANGING up at the chandelier. lis II
really necessarily replied she archly.
1t wasn't-Judge.
lis your picture In the academy sue
cessT That's what am wondering.
Some one said 1t was worth the price
of admission. Punch.
He-Jones is all right, / suppose, but
he and do not like each other bit.
She-Well, that IL much to the credit
Of both OF you.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Amateur Humorist-That's a pretty
good joke Of mine; don't you think so?
Experienced Editor-Well, 1t is just as
funny now as It ever was.-Somerville
Journal.
Jinks-What tender care your wife
takes Of you. Always worrying about
your health. Blinks-Yes; have my
life insured In favor of my sister,
New York Weekly.
Brown-I wonder who originated the
idea that 1t is unlucky to begin anything
on Friday? Robinson-Probably 1t was
some lazy Individual who preferred to
wait until Saturday.-Puck
"You don't mean to say you became
engaged to him after but five hours ac-
quaintanceY Certainly. How much
time would You have me devote to one
engagementw- Life.
Bobby-Is oxygen what the oxen
breathe all day? Papa-Of course, and
what everything else breathes. Bobby
And Is nitrogen what every one
breathes at night?-New York World.
This world is but fleeing show,
And few are they, alas!
Who can rake up pull that's strong
Enough for a free pass.
indianapolis Journal.
Those Eskimos up in Alaska have
good, sound common sense" How 500"
why, when they fall in love with
girl they announce 1t by sending her a
sealskin cque."-Chicago Record.
Shell presume the country editors
pathway is not strewn with flowers?
He (pleasantly)-No, not exactly; but
we stumble on bushel of potatoes oc-
casionally, or a cord Of wood.-Detroit
Tribune.
Sister-There, you have candy all over
your new suit! What will mamma
say? Little Brother-Well, mamma
won't let me have any fun in these
clothes till I got 'em spoiled.-Boston
Traveller.
Ragged Reuben-It's dis yere import
ed pauper labor OATS ruinin' all our
prospects. Tattered Jimmy Sure
'nuff! Desc European noblemen are
comm over here and snatchin' the pick
of our 'Merican girls!-Bazar.
First Horse-Well, they took poor old
Dobbin to the slaughter-house to-day.
Second Horse-That's too bad. First
Horse-It is bad, but worse remains
They mean to make his hide into BIZ
cycle-saddles.-Ind Journal.
ANY snakes In this neighborhoodr ~
asked the Northern visitor. Its cord
in to what you want" replied the
moonlight manipulation; "a pint might
fetch 'em, but we give a guarantee
with every art"-Atlanta Constitu-
.tion.
what want" said the lawyer, 'is
to prove that my client.is mentally de-
ficient." Certainly" replied the ex-
pert. There won't be the least trouble
in showing that, so long as he has en-
ployed you as his lawyer."-Washing
ton Star.
Toughmug-Chimmie, wot has be-
came of Dippy Pete lately? Chimmie,
de Sport-Well, you see, he got to doin'
everybody he could, and now Tough
mug-Well? Chimmie, de Sport-He's
dom time!-Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune.
Timmins-This talk about the type
writer being a drawback to genius Is
all rot. do all of my poems with a
typewriter. Simmons-You do? had
an idea that you made them with set
Of rubber stamps.-Indianapol Jour-
nal.
81 shall have to learn how to play the
flute" said Maud, as she watched the
flutist in the hotel orchestra; "see how
gracefully he hold is 1t. If could hold
an ear of corn as gracefully as he holds
that flute 1 should not be afraid to eat
1t off the cob."-Bazar.
Prof. Qecturing)-Oxygen, gentlemen,
is essential to all animal existence;
there could be no life without 1t.
strange to say, 1t was not discovered
until century ago, when Student
What did they do before 1t was dis
covered, professor?-H Household Words.
MAY write you poem on the
beautiful snow?" asked the poet, tim
idly. EYES," Numbered the editor, ego
out, squat down In the snow and write.
In the meantime, I'll sit here and pray
that as fast as you write the sun will
thaw 1t out. "-Philadelphia North
American.
II suppose" said the visitor, that
the Congressman will observe the usu-
al rules in their assemblages from time
to time" EYES," replied Col. Stillwell.