Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1897-03-04
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

gagged to three men at once?" "Noth-
ing. g."-Yale Record.
She-''Doesn't he make fine clergy
man." He--"He's great! l counted
five men asleep. Puck.
Jones-"Thc play is snid to be an
artistic success" Smith-"Are they
losing much money on it?"-Truth.
London Native THAT is quite
high building" Foreigner-"Yes,
indeed; that's II regular fog-scraper."
Puck.
Bobby-"Pop, what does Fremont
tion mean?" Fond Parent-"P
tion, Bobby, means 4 told you SO ;"
Puck.
You can buy wearing apparel for q
song nowadays, but, unfortunately, n
great many people can't sing. "-Bos-
ton Budget.
Mamma-"Mrs. Brown says her lit
tie boy looks very much like ours"
looking. PUCK.
'Let's see" remarked the youth and
the damsel; aud then they turned
down the gas till nobody else could see
thing. g.-Detrolt Tribune.
Sputter you suppose it's such
very bad thing to be sarcastic?"
Cutter-"Not nearly as bad as to think
you are and not be 80. Truth.
The young man who is anxious to
lay the world at the feet of the girl he
adores, three months after he marries
her isn't willing even to lay the car
pet.
"Are you angry, Miss Spitely?"
'I'm enraged. Pm going to mako
that mans life miserable if / have
to marry him to do it."-Detroit FREQ
Press.
"The good die young, you know"
said Bilger to Sadboy, the pessimist.
eyes" said Sadboy, "that's because
it's the only time people are good. -
Roxbury Gazette.
Tho Countess -"Do show me the
coronet I" The Earl-"My dear, I'll
show you the ticket for the coronet.
1t was hypothecated to pny for the
engagement ring. PUCK.
Paterfamiiias walking tho floor
with son and heir)-"Babie they say,
are such helpless things! But what
do they think OF me? Talk about
helplessness Boston Transcript.
"Do you mean to say, Chumley.
that you spend less money since you
were married than you did beforef"
That's what it amounts to. 1 have
much less to spend. Detroit Free
Press.
"You think Briggs is crazy because
he stole $40? | should say that such
an act would make criminal rather
than lunatic of him." "But ho had
chance to take $500" "OhP-
Cleveland Leader.
George, this paper says there's
sermon in every blade of grass.
"That SOP" Well, you don't get ne
to go to church any more! I'll bet
ten dollars that's where 1 got this
blamed old hay-fever. Puck.
Mr.. Cumso -"This is very bad re-
port to bring me from school,
Tommy" Tommy-"I know, papa;
but you said if I'd bring you good
report you'd give me IL quarter, and
I wanted to save you money. DE
troit Free Press.
"Well," said tho sarcastic man of
the theatre, 'I'm ever so much obliged
to that girl who sits in front OF me;
the one with the frightfully big hat"
81 don't SEQ what you're obliged to
her for. "For not raising her para
sol. "-Washington Star.
Miss De Laiue-"You seem 10 be
very fond of your friend, Miss Hair.
You never tire of kissing her." Miss
De Silk-"Well, do not care much
for her personality; but did you
notice what sweet little mustache
she has?"-New York Weekly.
She-"Isn't it wonderful to think
of the achievements of science? So
many things have been brought with
in tho reach OF the masses" He
"Yes, indeed Some years ago golden
hair was the boast of favored few;
now, anybody can have it that wants
1t. PUCK.