The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-08-18
All Sorts Of Paragraphs

= OF two evils, choose the least; Of
two sins, neither.
= He that is slow to wrath is Of
great understanding.
= The dog perspires with ~histopgue.
And SO does the campaign orator.
= Keep faith with others and they
will be pretty apt to keep faith with
you.
- She-How high should q young
woman lift her dress? He-Shes should
lift it a little over two feet.
= Under her new law, one must be
a resident Of New Jersey for seven
days before one can be married. in that
State.
- The purchasing power Of money
in the days Of the Roman emperors
was about ten times what it is at
present.
baby on nlt the floor or? :" - well W. every cry:
body says it's a bouncing baby, and
want to see it bounce"
A13-year.cld boy at Grown Point,
Ind, became violently insane afew
days ago as the result OF continued
indulgence in the cigarette habit.
-"Some genius in Birmingham
has invented 6, buttonless shirt.
"Why, that's old. I've worn them
every since my wife learned to ride a
bike"
If we were always as particular
not to breathe foul air as we are not to
drink dirty water, we should have o
different race Of beings, physically,
from what we now have.
= George, I fear you are marrying
me just because my uncle left me q
fortune" "No, my precious. I'd
marry you just the same if any other.
person had left it to YOU"
= Nothing gees 80 far in soothing
a horse that is terrified as a kind, as
surfing voice. Never use the whip to
cure the horse Of fright. Keep cool
yourself, and your horse will soon
gain confidence.
-"Do you think your sister likes
me, Tommy ?" eyes. She stood up
for you at dinner. Father said you
were a donkey but sis got up and told
father he ought to know better than
Judge 9. man by his looks"
Gam I to take this medicine in
ternally or apply it externally ?" asked
the lady customer of the drug clerk
who was filing her prescription.
"Whichever pleases you, madam the
stuff is perfectly harmless"
Con Viyial-Doctor, my wife
suffers greatly from insomnia. Ply
sician-Insomnia7 Howdo you know?
Con Vivial-Why, every time I come
home at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning,
I always find her wide-awake?
= When once filled in, a Moslem
grave is never reopened on any ac-
count. To remove the faintest chance
of it's being thus defled, a cypress
tree is planted after every interment,
so that the cemeteries resemble forests
more than anything else.
= Wallace "They say that if you
pick up a hairpin on the sidewalk you
will soon get a letter" Ferry: 81
think there must be a INSTRUMENTATION
somewhere. I picked one up and
stuck it in my pocket, and my wife
found it and I got a lecture"
= S~alesman-'tIf the goods are not
just as represented, we will cheerfully
refund your money" Rural Custo-
mer-"Don't tell me sech yarns as
that, young man Ye might gimme
me money back, but t ain't human
natur fer ye to be cheerful about doin'
it,"
= The Rev. DR.. Hancher, Of the
Grand Avenue Methodist Episcopal
Church, of Kansas City, has estab-
lished not only a bicycle check room
in the basement Of his church, but
also a room where mothers may check
their babies while they attend divine
service.
= The golden rule settles a hundred
difficult points which, in a world like
this, are continually arising between
man and man. 1t prevents the neces-
sity of laying down endless little rules
for our conduct in specific cases. It
sweeps the whole debatable ground
with one mighty principle.
"A brand new thing in a concealed
weapon case turned up at Lexington,
KY, recently, when Minnie Brown,
colored, was arrested for carrying CON
ccalcd weapons. She was carrying a
razor in her hair and, when the officer
took her hat off, he discovered the
razor nestled away in her kinky locks.
= Little Girl-Mrs. Brown, ma
wants to know if she could borrow g
dozen eggs. She wants ter put EN-
under a hen. 80 you've got a hen
sitting, have you? l didn't know you
kept hens" "No, ma'am, we don't;
but Mrs. Smiths going ter lend US a
hen that wants to set, and ma thought
if you'd lend US the eggs, we'd!6nd8a
nest ourselves" 60