The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-03-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Doesn't her singing appeal to
youP" "Well, it does seem in need
of help. Truth.
If you are looking for trouble tell
woman that her new wrap is unbecom-
ing. -Atchison Globe.
Mr.. Dudeley during the shampoo)
All ! ! say, me good fella, you will
shake me brains out |" Barber-"No
danger, sir. Judge.
Friend-"Why is it that there is SO
much dyspepsia in this couutrY?'
Doctor-"My theory is that we have
too many cooks. Puck.
Diner-"Isn't that a pretty small
steakP" Attendant-"Yes; but You'll
find it will take you a good while to
eat 1t. boston Transcript
81 understand your football eleven
has lost several members. "Oh,
none to speak Of only a half dozen
ears or so. "-Indianapolis Journal.
Mamma, saw dog to day that
hal only three legs" Weren't you
awfully sorry for him?" ''No'm; he
had one more leg than had. Lon
don Tit-Bits.
Freddie -"What do you want to
catch the fly for?" Little Johnnie
''SisteI has just made herself glass
OF lemonade, and I'm awful dry
Pittsburg Bulletin.
''Sardonix encouraged me to offer
my picture. He intimated that it
ought to be exhibited, said the artist.
"What did be say?" "He said it was
sight. Washington Star.
off have my coming-out party at
the same time as Daisy lnnet's, NAM
ma, not a society reporter will come"
"We might advertise onr supper an
hour later than hers. Puck.
Smith-"You told me your friend
sang like bird. think he has hor-
ribly hoarse voice. How can you say
it in like bird?" Jones--"Well, tho
bird / meant was q crow. Judge.
al don't know" cried the excited
feminine voice in the darkness,
"whether you are my husband or
burglar, but I'm going to be on the
safe side and shoot. Detroit Tri-
bune.
81 am plain man," said Bloughly,
"and believe in being practical. 1
love you and / want you to be my
wife," "Well," replied the fair one,
chow much are you worth ?'-Phila-
delphin American.
She-"It is true that | have broken
the engagement. and that l still have
your ring, but do you know why re-
tain that ringP" Ho (ruefullyl-s,Qn
the theory, l suppose, that to tde VicA.
tor belong the spoils. Truth.
''Why did you not give
that gentleman the roast chicken he
asked for?" Waiter-'I know my
business. gave him something
cheaper, SOS he would have some
money left to tip me with. stand.
ard
eyes" remarked the proud father,
"he's the finest baby the neighbor-
hood has ever seen. Nv wife says the
same thing" care you going to make
a musician of himP "Ob, IT'S alto
gether too early to decide that His
hair hasn't begun to grow yet. -
Washington Star.
Young Vile wishing to please)-
'Now, dear, what dress would you adj
wise me TO wear for the concert this
EVENING"" Fond Husband-"Well,
think an ACCORDION skirt, with a brass
band round the waist, and piped
sleeves, might fit the occasion. .
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Teacher-"As an example in frac-
tions, suppose a man Kept butchers
shop and customer called for five
pounds of meat, and he had only four
to sell. What would the butcher do?"
Johnny IA butchers bright SOM
keep his hand on the meat while he
was weighing it, "-Standard.
"Ah, new drama" repeated the
"About how decent would
YOU like it? "Oh, from one hundred
and fifteen TO one hundred and twenty
volts" answered the manager PeO.
ple were by no means as easily shocked
as formerly, and art had governed it,
self accordingly.-Detroit Tribune.
lie -"When l was in the West the
last time had very narrow escape
from Il burning h)tel, l was awakened
by tho smoke, and with not minute
TO spare rushed down the fire escape
-' She (breathletsly) "Oh, what
did you have ou?" He (yisiblY EN-.
barrassed) -"Ah-hum-a very lively
hustle, miss. Cardiff Western Mail.
Atrnnt k,ynn,,g,..s VTffIiynH