The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1897-11-13
TIT FOR TAT.
The Restaurant Waiter Played the
Old Game.

The e~staurant Walter Played the
Darber's Old Game.
Pork and beans? Yes, sir. Anything
else?"
NO"
The waiter in the Madison street res
taurant filed the order with alacrity.
Did yOu say coffee, sill? 2" he asked, as
he placed the pork and beans before the
hungry guest.
NO" replied the latter.
You'll find our coffee very nice. sir"
This bread and butter goes with the
pork and beans, doesn't it?"
Yes. sir"
AND this glass of water?"
Certainly, sir"
"Well, that's all 1 want"
Yes, sir. Like to try a cup of our
~chocolate?"
NO. If want anything else I'll call
for it,"
The waiter stepped back, but re-
turned presently to ask:
Wouldn't you like to have me bring
you some of u homeless Goldfish? It's
the best in the country"
"No."
How about roast turkey with stuff
ing?"
Don't want any"
Its first class"
That's all right. 1 dom want it,"
81 think you'd like our roast beef and
Drowned potatoes"
Didn't you hear me say hat if L
wanted anything else L would call for
ftp"
YES, SIR"
The waiter stepped back again, but
in q few moments returned to the at
tack.
Excuse Inc for saying SO, my friend.
but you look as if you might need some
Kind of game. Suppose you tryour jack
snipe on toast?"
Great Scott! Don't you reckon L
know what / want?"
Eyes, sir. Our ja~ck-snipe is fresh and
good. Everybody needs to a game
once in awhile. Kind o. tones up the
system"
i've told you I don't want any"
"Yes, sir. Rabbits amt good this time
OF year, or we'd have some rabbit.
Squads are about as good as wild game,
though. Like to try a broiled SQUAD Oh
toast?"
"Pd like to eat my pork and beans in
peace. Bring me some more water, will
your"
Eyes, sir. Shan't 1 bring you some
iced tea?"
"Not any iced tea" l
"It's very fine."
Don't want it,"
"It's good for some people. Tones up
the system"
That's all right. Bring me that wa
ter, will your"
"Yes, sir"
He went away and returned in an in-
credibly short space of time.
Here's your water" he said, but ]
think you'd find ourdced coffee mighty
fine"
The guest mademo reply.
Better let meJbring you some iced
coffee, SIR"
when I wanttany iced coffee or any
thing else I'll letyou know"
Ever try any OF our stewed mush-
rooms?"
mo. and 1 don't want to try any of
your stewed mushrooms. either"
You needn't be afraid of them, sir.
They're all right. We guarantee them.
and there clint any better in the United
States"
Some people, you know. are afraid
of mushrooms. Ours are selected with
great care. The man weget our mush-
rooms from is an expert. He raises 'em
scientifically"
"Say, do yowknow you.ke a ~confound-
ed nuisance"
81 hope not, sir. I'm onTEtrying your
way of doing business,on you"
What do you mean"
"You run a barber shopAon State
street. don't you?"
YES. What of that?"
"You have the chair next 70 the front
door, I Think"
"Yes."
"Well, l went to your shop last Sat-
urday to get a shave. You shaved me.
You tried to get me to have myrhair cut.
You told ne I ought tOhave ashampoo.
You said my hair needed singeing. You
to know If I hadn't better'have
tonic or bay rum. You wanted to
sell me q special shaving mug an6brush.
You bored me every minute o were
shaving me. and I said to myself that If
ever got q chance at you ia even up
I didn't expect you quite so
Goon, though. Say. wetre about.even,
amt we 2"
"We'lbe a little morefthan even when
[ tell your bosses aboutyOur ~dog-goned
Impudence-"
Il guess yOu won't do that There's
dozen of us that get shaved at your
shop. You go to making any trouble
you'll lose the lot of US. You'd bet
ter take your medicine like a litae-go-
Ing, are you? Well, come again. Treat
you all right next time."-Chicago Trib-
Inc.