The Portland daily press., 1897-10-12
GOT HIS DISCHARGE.
How a Swift PAGER from Cincinnati
Won $500.

In and Out of the Regular Army All IN
Ten Days-He Played the Popular Game
of Feigned Suicide and Took Possession
of the Chief Omcer's Quarters.
The medical department. Is regarded az
fair game by the enlisted man in the arihy
as well as in the nayy. In both services
there is fixed penalty for the mili'ary
crime of malingering-a word, by 5he
vay. that is now oonyersationally obsolete
in the services and hardly ever employed
except in written official ports" beating
the sick list' being the modern fashion
of referring by both officers and men, to
the crafty work of the malignerer. 1t Is
not often that the malignerer is brought
to book, however, owing to the extreme
difficulty usually encountered By the sur
eeons in proving an absolutely clear case
AGAINST him. TO establish case against
a maIignerer is generally job of such
proportions that few military surgeons
have the heart to attempt it,
1t isnot alone for the purpose of escap-
| ing duty that the enlisted men of the two
services endeavor to deceive the medical
departments. They quite often attempt to
| get out of the service upon the surgeons
recommendation.
The feigning of insanity has often been
successful within recent years In cases of
men who wanted to doff their uniforms
without deserving or buying their dis
charges. There was an extraordinary case
of this sort at one of the western recruit
| ing stations in 1891. In large batch of
recruits that arrived one morning at the
| station was well educated, clipper built
young chap from Cincinnati He was in
appearance and manner so far and away
ahead of the other fellows in the batch that
| he caught the eyes of the company cap
tains at once, and each of them wanted to
get the promising looking recruit into his
| company. The captain of the company to
which the recruit was assigned called the
| Young fellow into his orderly room at once
and made good deal of him.
On the same afternoon this recruit from
| Cincinnati was reported missing from his
company roll call. The captain instructed
the first sergeant to institute a search for
the man. Several men were detailed for
the work of hunting him up, and they
searched the whole post high and low
without finding him, Then the guard
was notified OF the recruits absence, and
the sergeant Of the guard was directed to
find him and put him under arrest. A
corporal and several sentries prowled about
the garrison for an hour without discover
ing sign Of the missing recruit. While
the corporal and sentries were still out on
their vain search the bell of the guard
house telephone rang furiously. The tele-
| phone communicated with the command
ing officers quarters alone, and the COM
manding officer was at his end in FORCE
is that you, sergeant of the guards" he
inquired well. come over here instantly
with about 30 fles of the guard and have
! 'em load their guns with ball. There's q
id raving lunatio of a recruit taken pos
session of my quarters. Come in hurry"
The commanding officer explained after
| ward what had happened. On returning
from his office to his quarters he was sur
| prised on approaching the house to hear
| piano music, and remarkably fine piano
| music at that, issuing from bis parlor.
| All Of the members of his family, includ-
ing his daughters, were away on visit to
another post, and he knew that his middle
aged servant was always visiting her oro-
MES on "Soapsuds row" at that hour Of
the afternoon. Moreover, none of his
daughters, and certainly not the servant,
could produce such music. So be did not
know what to make of it. He walked up
the steps and through the wide open door
way in hurry, the music still continu-
ing When he entered tho parlor, be saw
good looking soldier seated at the piano,
playing Chopin nocturne with great feel
Ing.
| "What the dew the commanding
oficer started to exclaim.
"Just minute. Willie," said the SOL
dier, turning to the commanding officer
with heaSiflc smile and going on with
his playing. Don't interrupt me until I
finish this grazioso movement; then I'll
be at your service, me man-ah!" And
he finished his performance with a mellow
chord and wheeled around on the stool to
face the commanding officer, who was on
the verge of apoplexy.
"Confound you, what's the meaning Of
all this blankety blank
"Softly, softly, me man. said the good
looking soldier with appraised baud and q
sudden look Of seriousness on his oounte-
nance You don't want to, find yourself
in the guardhouse, do you? Well, IN have
you there in just three minutes If hear
any more Of such language. What the
deuce do you mean by forcing yourself in
to my quarters anyhow I'll tell you what,
Willie, the sooner you get it through your
head that I'm in command Of this garri-
SOM
The commanding officer had enough
strength left to reach the telephone In the
next room and ring up the guardhouse.
The recruit from Cincinnati followed him
into the room and stood smiling while the
commanding officer talked over the wire.
"I'll turn the tables on you, Willie,
when the guard arrives" he said, and then
he walked over to the sideboard and pou red
out two stiff drinks of brandy from the
decanter. Meantime, Willie, you NAV
drink my health and my success as major
general commanding the army Of the
United States" and he was Just handing
the commanding officer the glass when the
sergeant and sentries entered the room at
q lope. The recruit from Cincinnati strug,
gled furiously, but the men Of the guard
oyercame him, and in few minutes be
was in a straitjacket In guardhouse cell.
Ihe post surgeon visited him and at once
pronounced the man raving maniac.