The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1897-10-14
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ly tomorrow morning, l ShOuld be sure
that it came from you.-Fliegende
Blaetter.
The golfers scorn: First golfer-Did
you hear about Viewer? He's learning
to play lawn tennis. Second golfer-He
must be paying an election bet.-Brook-
Ign Life.
care you II Of the striking miners?"
asked the woman at the door. Yes.
num-. I'm what dey call a pioneer. [
struck thirty years ago, and I've never
give in yet."-Detroit Free Press.
A real surprise: Ethel-So he drop
ped right down on his knees and pro-
posed? Dear me. Did you say 'This
is so sudden" Penelope-Oh, no! It
was so unexpected, you know!-Puck.
Mrs. Peck-If l had my life to go
owe again, l wouldn't marry the best
man alive. Mr.. H. Peck (his chance at
last)-You bet you wouldn't. 1 wouldn't
ask you to.-Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
The butll2-Hand hevery night at
the hour Of midnight the ghost hap
pears and groans and wrings it's hands.
American tourist-Ah! Must have died
in the cucumber season.-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Old lady-This must be a very
healthy place. Now, what may the
death rate be? Gravedigger-Wonder-
full steady, mum-wonderful steady.
Just one death to each person right
along.-Sketch.
Il must have been a fool when 1
married." said little Tompkyns, glar-
ing fiercely at his wife. Certainly, my
dear" said Mrs. Tompkyns, sweetly;
cit couldn't come on so badly all in two
years, could it?"-Tit-Bits.
Poor Robinson! There goes his fun
eral." What, is Robinson dead?" II
imagine he is. Perhaps he is just rid
ing around town in hat hearse for the
fun Of the thing, however."-Cincin-
natl Commercial Tribune.
Miss Grabbs declares her girl
friends can't deny that her attachment
to that gentleman with a title was a
case of love at first sight" That's
very true replied Miss Cayenne; "she
saw him first."-Washington Star.
Customer-You remember you sold
me this coat yesterday? You said you
would return the money if it wasn't
satisfactory. Clothing merchant-But,
my dear sir, it vos quite satisfactory; [
nefer had peter money as dot in all my
life.-Puck.
Doctor-If you must know, ma'am,
your husband won't live twenty-four
hours longer. Goodness gracious"
calculated the broken-hearted but
economical woman, land here you've
gone and prescribed medicine enough
for five days."-Tit-Bits.
Fairly fresh: May from the hoteD-
So you're staying at a farmhouse?
Everything fresh, and all that, 1 sup
pose? Maude-Oh, yes, indeed! Why,
after he got through milking last night
the farmers son came around and pro-
posed to me.-Brooklyn Life.
Amateur theatrical heroine (indig-
nantly)-You say you don't think the
persons in the back of the audience can
hear us speak our lines? professional
coacher-No; but don't let that worry
you. They cal hear the prompter; SO
they won't lose track Of the play
Puck.
Charitable old lady Ito little beggar
girD-There's some bread for you. 1t is
a day or two old, but you can tell your
mother to take three or four fresh eggs,
a quart of milk, Il cup of sugar, some
good butter and half a grated nutmeg,
and she can make a very excellent pud-
ding of it.-Tid-Bits.
AS he finished drinking his soda he
laid his hands upon the fountain In an
u%nobtrusive way and remarked, Il sup
pose this is charged?" Eyes," said the
drawer, reaching under the counter for
a pistol; 80 is this" "The moneys
yours" said the drinker, throwing
down a dime.-Boston Transcript.
Yesterday said Jabson, Il refused
a poor woman a request for a small sum
of money, and in consequence Of my act
I passed a sleepless night. The tones
Of her voice were ringing in my ears
the whole time" "Your softness of
heart does you credit" said MADISON;
''who was the woman?" "My wife,
Tid-Bits.
1t was past midnight, and NJ. Ivre-
mort was fumbling about in the hall
and mumbling angrily to himself
whats the matter?" called out Nine.
Ivremort from the floor above. There's
two hat-racks here" he answered, IAN
l don't know which one to hang my
hat on" "Oh, hang n on each and
come to bed."-Petit Journal Pour Rire