The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-09-08
I4UMoR OF THE DAY.

He-"How would you like TO be a
lighthouse keeper?" She-"Very
much, name the date The Ledger.
Women who have tried it say that
naming baby for the doctor doesn't
reduce the bill any.-Atchison Globe.
"Where was Magma Charta signed?"
asked a teacher in the South of Lon
don Board School. please, sir, at
the bottom. "-Tit-Bits.
Young Lady (hurriedly)-"I want a
novel - something popular" Book
Clerk (briskly)-"Yes, Miss. What sort
wicked or vapid?"-New York Week.
ly."
Dear Old Boston Again-Visitor--
81 hear there is sickness next door, Is
it contagious?" Phillips-"Oh, not
as all, madam; merely contiguous, -
Truth.
First Tramp "The lady over yonder
tried to get me to work for a cent. ="
Second Tramp Maybe she took you
for one of those penny-in-the-slot ma
chimes"
"What did you stop that clock in
your room for, Jane?" Because,
mum, the plaguey thing has some sort
of fit every mornin', mum, jest when
| wants to sleep. "-Tit-Bits.
eyes" remarked Chicago girl,
che represents one of the oldest fami-
lies" "Does he date before the fire?"
"No-not quite so far back as that. But
he's one of the people who have ridden
the old-stylo high wheels. = Wash
ington Star.
Smith-'Jone has bought some sort
of gymnastic apparatus, and he exer-
cises half an hour every night. Rob
inson-"Well, he's very persevering
fellow. 1 suppose he'll keep at that
Gntil couple of weeks after he's tired
of it. Puck
'I don't mind Jacks slang" said
one of the girls. ''He is so clever in
the use of it," "Howso?" "Why,
he sent me three dozen photos of
famous Beauties, with card on
which the only words were: you're
anotherr "-Household Words.
"The chief end of man seems to be
to get something for nothing" said the
young man who was striving to con-
cilitate his best girls father. "Too
true" mused the old gentleman. "For
instance, you're trying to get my
daughter for yourself. Detroit Free
Press.
"George, do you know that you
came home at three o'clock this MORN
ing and acted dreadfully sillyP"
"What did L say?" "Well, for one
thing, you called me wingless
angel" "Did / say that?" eyes"
81 own up, my dear / was drunk"
cleveland Plain Dealer.
First Reformer-"Tm trying TO
write an essay on the emancipation of
my sex, and 1 find it very hard to be-
gin" Second Reformer-"Oh, l
think that would be so easy. Why,
you might begin by sharpening your
pencil with your husbands razor, you
know. Detroit Journal.
Phyllis accidentally discovered a
doll that her mother had concealed in
n trunk in readiness for the little
lady's birthday. THE following day
at dinner she surprised the family by
remarking; "Fm trying 30 hard to
forget something l want to remember
that don't feel hungry. Judge.
Loud-voiced Sergeant-''N Nov, Mac
pherson-you long-limbed, raw-boned,
fog-featured scarecrow, eyes right,
Be smart, you dunderhead, and, if
you're not shot, you'll bo II soldier
one day, like me-" Macpherson
"Like you, Sergeant! Deed, ye
make me long for the risk of battle. -
Tit-bits.
Commercial Traveller Ito boy who
has answered the bell-''I want the
boots. You're not the boots, surely?"
Boy in Buttons-''So sirl I'm the
socksr Commercial Traveller 80
"Sockl You impudent young demon;
what do you mean?" Boy in Buttons
-"Why, you see, sir, I'm under the
boots. Tit Bits.
eyes" 4" she said coniidentially to her
dearest friend, "it's all settled. We've
practically made all arrangements. ="
81 suppose you will so TO housekeep.
ing at once" "Have you picked out
a fiat yet?" "Oh, dear, no; we have
attended to the more important matter
first, " she explained. ''We went down
town yesterday and picked out our
tandem wheel. " - Chicago Evening
Post.