New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-04-03

THE AchisOn (kan) Globe" puts tho matter in
this way: you can't discharge your duty to the
food sufferers by shedding tears; they have too
much wate- already"
Mr.. Crlmronbcak-A mans heart beats eighty
one times minute when he Is standing. seventy
one times when sitting. and sixty-six when lying.
Mrs. Crimsonbcak-I hope you'll be a little
careful about your lying now. dear.-Yonkers
Statesman.
DIR. T.. Christensen. OF Leavenworth. Kan wants
the Southern States to employ him to deliver s;ere-
optlcon lectures throughout Europe with the OBJ
ject OF stimulating immigration to the South
lie had on sombrero hat and low-cut vest.
and the little goatee that grew from his chin
snow-whitc. He walked leisurcly into the room
whfr% there For was f little game IN o a and
sSh cannot Join you in the game feah the
used Colonel? No. sub. ,,. When we played We
white and black? What did the whites stand for,
Coonel~ "A bale OF cotton. sub" And the
blacks" "A Niger sub, nisger."-CWashins-
ton Post.
'Tho Philadelphia Record says: Train loads
Of celery arriving here from Florida. Hereto
fore the succuIcnt plant has come exclusively
from Ncw-York and Michigan. These recent
slgnments the first that have ever come from
the South The celery Is grown Port Tampa.
and its culture is something W. The shipments
will be larger In the future owing to the superb
GRITTY Of the product grown IN the South that
in the North. large Investments having been made
n other points along the Gulf Coast by those In
terested in promoting its culture.
Southern talent is making itself felt everywhere
IN this country. Woodrow Wilson. Il native OF
Augusta Ga and comparatively a young man is
nrofessor Of mrisprmdcnce al Princeton I'ni-
versity. and has already achieved not only Ma
tional but European reputation. Professor Rewett
Lee. who. it is said, has declined professorship
at Harvard with salary Of 5000 year, because
he prefers to remain In Chicago. where he can
business "A
retain his connection with the University Law
dent OF the Mississippi Agricultural and Mechan-
cal College, Mongomery Advertiser.
A miner with loads Of money but rather seedy
in appearance, went into restaurant in Spokane
the other day to get something to eat There
only one waiter. and he busy carrying champagne
10 a party at another table paid little attention
10 the hard-looking miner. Finally the waiter
was called over when the miner said See here
KID DO | eat?" Sorry can't wait you now"
was. the prompt reply. but the gentlemen there
have lust ordered nf,y-dollar dinner" Fifty
dollar dinner be hanged Bring hundred
dollars worth OF ham and eggs, and be quick
about it, DO / look like a guy who can be bluffcd
by mess OF popinjays?" He waited upon
promptly.
Clara-Mr Smart says he entertained quite
gathering last evening. and kept them laughing all
Katc~That was the safest thing they could do
They we're thus sure Of laughing In the right place
once In a whc.-tBoston Transcript
The Cahu Press has Just brought out the second
book Of the Amccr Of Afghanlstan. Like ts prede
cessor deals with the question Of Jehad. and IN
called "Tuseib-ul- lehad or "Induccmcnt for n
Holy War"
Severe Mental Strain.-"Old man. you seem
ried"
Worried Is name for H. Brown Is coming
around AT 1 clock to pay me So
Think he may not Gomez
"Oh, he'll come all right; but Jones Is due at
Ala 10 try collect so | owe him Suppose he
should get here Just | was being paid by
Brown.'-tcincinnatI Enquirer.