The Florence tribune., 1897-06-26
A 1LAD rnOorECI.
ihen Nations win Wage War in
 GentlenanIy Way.


 ton which chance had thrown in his way, and gazed pensiyely afar. He was 50 obli1ous to his surroundings that an invitation to ref shments passed dWhol- iy 1n1otiead. l. was the resentment occasioned by bis seeming discourtesy that brought him to earth again. His apologies were profuse.
 Tt wouldn't of occurred" he ex- plained, "ef I hadn't of happened to git literary. I've heard it said that literary folks is always absent-minded, an senee my brain drawed bead on that article I kin understand what makes 'em so"
 Tt must have been a powerful fas- cinatin' yarn," commented Piute Pete
 "'Twasn't no yarn whatsoever. was the reply. "It was the truth"
 "What was it about?"
 "War."
 i've got 10 use fur it,'' exclaimed Three Finger Sam. "Ofcourse, serciety hez got ter be protected. Gettin' the dots on 3 man for horse stealth an hitchin' him to a tree SOS he won'tw wan der around and do it no more is ajusti- fable proceedin'. But war is proInis- c'ous an brutal. This thing , blazin' away ct somebody ye never was even in terduced to is, to say the least of ii, downright onsociable."
 ''The trouble is" said Derringer Dan, .that us fellers was born too soon. There ain't any doubt that war, as pfae- ticed up to the present time, is mighty iow-down coyote game O gettin' the drop on total stranger. But civiliza- ton is advancin'. an in the course c time itsli be jes' as purity sport as faro bank or draw poker. The scheme, as it now stands, is to see which side kin d. the most liljin'. Am as soon as one gen eral gits convinced that the other feller kin slay more people than lie kin, com mon sense eompeis him to Lay down and wait fur anotber dealn
 "Thats one O the most scholarly de scriptions 1 ever heard remarked Broncho Bob, admiringly.
 ssThese here inventors has, accord in to that article, set theirselves to work to improve the implements of bat tie, so there won't be TO chance of escape when they once git in motion an TO limit to their capacity
 Seems to me that's goin' ter make war wuss'n ever," observed Rattlesnake Pete.
 That's what thought. But the ar ticle says as how it's goin' to result in malin' war so deadly that nobody Il have anything to do with it."
 Its fairy story said Piute Pete, positively. Its easy enough te whit tie few chips off a lead pencil an sit down an igger them things out. But I'll bet anythin' I've got thet there's goin' to be misunderstandin's between different branches of the human race right along to the end O time"
 "No one says there won't be. But they'll be settled in more gentlemanlY way. As fur as kin make outs the battle of the future will be kerried on | in something like this fashion: The opposin' forces will hustle around an pervide themselves weth all the de- structive engines they kin lay hands on"
 Wont there be no soldiers?"
 Certain Let's 'spose, fur instance, thet the United States has war STeth Spain. The two generals gitstogether, l an the United States general he puts q certain number of men. into the field. Then the Spanish general he has fel- Ter play tune on the eornet an sashay out to bring an equal number of men into the field, remarFisf, as is GUS tomary on such occasions: I call yer. Or, if he hez the grit, he kin bring out a still greeter nurnber of men, in which event he will say: I see ye, an raise 1 ye, or words to that effeclS. Finally fl comes to a showdown, an the United States general says: What ye got?' The Spanish general, who, like as not, has been blufin', looks worried, an says: I ain't got nothin' but a pair O 16-inch guns, with cellul9Se armor on the side I've got that beateasy,' says the United States general. I've got three Hotchkiss guns an two torpedo boats Then the Spanish general mere ly says: That's good an turns over ez much of his army as he happened to risk on the deal, an goes off to raise another stake. Of course, it'll take some time to regulate the exact value of the hands and readjust the rules so's to make em fit the occasions as they come up. But it's goin' to be q mighty fine game, and only wisht could sit into t."-Washington Star.
 The island of Jamaica, owing to its peculiar situation and climate, is said to