The Portland daily press., 1897-02-16
SAILING IN THE SKY.
Calamity jackson Describes a Collision
With White Cyclist.

When the regular weekly meeting of the
Thompson Street Bicycle club had been
opened in due form, President Toots an
nounced that all members of the club rid
ing out after the first snowstorm would
wear red wooden mittens as distinguish
ing badge. While any kind of hat or cap
might be worn, he personally favored a
catskin CAP, with red or bile wooden ear
flaps. Catskin not only looked aristocratic
and iaunty, but was waterproof and warm
and would prevent any sort of hair oil from
freezing to the hair. The attention of the
members was also called to Brother Clay
toms patent cold annihil ator, invented
expressly for the use of colored people rid
ing the bike in winter. The patent con,
sists of jag of hot water attached to the
steering post. From the mouth of the jug
radiate four small rubber tubes Two OF
these are attached to the feet, third goes
down the back of the neck, and fourth is
coiled around the body. The hot water cir
culates through the pipes and back to the
jug, and spirit lamp under the jug keeps
the water at the boiling point. The cost OF
the continuance is only So, and it is certain
to boom winter spins and make them a
thing Of joy. The jug can be painted red,
green or yellow or decorated with land
scape OF marine view. In case of a COLI
sion with street car or truck the hot
water from the broken jug shoots forward
and scalds everything in 'front.'
Under the rules of the club any member
who cannot learn to ride the bike in foul
months is liable to suspension as an active
member. At this meeting communlca
ton was received from Brother Stepback
Thompson, asking for an extension OF time
to six months For four months he had
faithfully practiced every day in the week.
The first 80 days were spent in loss of con-
seriousness, coming to and wondering whGe
he was at. During the next 80 he managed
to get into the saddle twice. He was now
able, with the help Of two boys and a pea
nut man, to locate both pedals within five
minutes after getting on, and the wheel
showed disposition to keep in the road
instead of taking TO the sidewalk. He was
sure he would learn in time. If the extern
sion were granted, he would either be able
to zip along with the procession or be will
ing to give it up and stick to the raZzle
dazzle. On motion of Brother Sarsaparilla
White the extension was granted and a
vote of encouragement extended.
Brother Calamity jackson was present
to explain his absence from the last two
meetings and to ask that his fines there.
for be remitted. His right arm was in a
sling, he limped on his left leg, and his
head was bandaged up until only one eye
and part of hjt chin could be seen. The
reason for his absence was a head on COLI.
sion with whitb man on another wheel.
As many of the club had often wondered
what would be the effect of two riders com.
ing together when going at a pace of 10 OF
90 miles an hour, Brother Jackson's de-
scription was listened to with great inter.
est He said:
st was a-gittin right along to git home
befo' de thunder shower cum. was bent
over de handle bar, eyes on de ground an
dem pedals jest abuzzin. Way off down
de street was a white man on wheel, an
he was dom Jest de same as me. He wasn't
lookin for coons an I wasn't lookin fur
white folks De fust thing knowed we
cum together wild crash, an jest thought
seven street kyars had bumped together.
Den we boat took fly. Den we boat
yelled In chorus Den we boat cum down
at de same time, an de same ambulance
ODOh Op01 "a u6 w 10 AOop1uuAs Ab LUZ dCA
wheels, it wasn't no use to pick up de
pieces 'cept to use fur tookpicks. I can't
zactly tell you what de sensation was, but
my ha'r hain't got frew curtin yet, an it
seems all de time as if was sailin around
up In de sky De shrieks an yells an cuss
words of dat white man am still ringin in
my ears, an when I close my eyes kin
see wheels an spokes an pedals an pieces OF
steel scattered all around me"
Brother Compromise Jordan said he had
been making some experiments with the
bike and was ready to report for the bene-
fit of the club. While riding in the suburbs
he had run over COW lying in the road to
see what the effect would be from scien-
tito standpoint His expectations were
fully realized. The COW rose up as the bike
hit her, and Brother Jordan and the bike
both rose likewise, at the same time. They
also came down together, but the COW gal
Hoped off. Brother Jordan thought he lay
unconscious for two long hours, but was
probably mistaken as to the length of time
1t cost him S. to be patched up by sur
geon, however, and the repair to his wheel
footed up about 50. 1t was his opinion that
mem bers OF the club had better avoid COWS,
no matter whether standing up or lying
down.
He had heard members say that they
could jump their bikes over an open ditch
4 feet wide. He had Experimental with
ditch only feet wide. On approaching it
he had drawn in his breath and bumped up
his back, according to instructions, but in
stead Of the wheel jumping the ditch both
had gone into it, and for the next four
days he was wreck. 1t might be just
possible that bikist could jump ditch
and thus save dismounting, but his ad-
vice was against experiments in that direc-
ton also. He had heard it said by mem
bers that a wheelman could strike fat
pedestrian while riding at clip of ten
miles an hour without other results than a
gentle rebound. He wished to warn all
such members that they were sadly mis-
taken. AS an experiment. he had selected
fat oolored woman carrying basket Of
laundry work, and there was nothing gen.
tie in what followed A clothesbasket, a
bike and lean man were all heaped up