Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1897-09-02

r. I'm Ctaef
To q reporter who recently asked
him to take part in d symposium on
"How to Make Money" Phil Armour,
the Chicago millionaire, replied: "Young
man, put it down that the Armours
don't know how to make anything but
sausage, and that they never answer
fool questions"
A crusty old farmer in Southern ILL.,
nois one day became an unwilling host
for three circuit-riding preachers who
dropped in simultaneously for dinner.
The larder was low, and the dinner
consisted OF single fowl The farmer
asked the first sky-pilot what portion
Of the chicken he would have. "A Leg"
said No. 1. another leg, thank you"
requested No. 2. "And what will you
have" asked the farmer, turning to
No. 8: 'Iswill also take leg, If you
please" -. replied the third. With an
ejaculation that shocked his reverend
guests, the farmer threw down his
carving utensils and demanded to
know what sort of ''crittur' they
thought he was carving. "This Is a
two-legged chicken" he shouted; mot
centipede."
The closing Of the Cafe de Madrid,
for long time favorite resort for
Partisan men of letters, recalls a cou-
pie of anecdotes to the BOokman's
Paris correspondent: Proth was one
day passing the cafe arm in arm with
poor Paul Arene. Arene was going In.
and urged him to do the same. PrOth
resisted, saying there were too many
quarrels in that cafe, only people with
hot tempers, etc. At last he yielded,
and, five minutes after being seated, In
4. a heated discussion slapped his contra
dictor's face. ''You see," he said to
Paul Arene, lis it not an impossible
cafe!" The time Of the second story
was the last years Of the reign Of Ma
poleon III. Clement Duvernois, who
had just passed from the Republican
into the Bonapartist camp, was urging
friend of his-a man whom he judged
to be amenable to the same arguments
that had convinced him-to follow his
example. But" the friend objected,
what will my friends say?" "Oh,"
Duvernois retorted, "you will only
have to change your CATER
Under orders existing some time ago
men in the German army wore at will
either socks or Fusz-lappen "a species
of bandage) on their feet. During an
inspection a certain general asked q
subaltern officer what his men wore on
their feet. He replied that some wore
socks and some lappen-about 20 per
cent. socks. The general further asked
him If he knew what each individual
wore. He answered promptly in the
affirmative. what" said the general,
| pointing to man in the ranks, "does
this man weary' Socks" was the re-
| Spouse; and on the man taking OF a
boot on the generals order sock was
| found to incase the foot The same test
applied in several cases produced the
same result. The general was highly
impressed with the intimate knowl.
edge of detail displayed by the subal.
tern, but the lad disclosed subsequent.
~ to his brother officers the simple de-
| vice which procured him such k,ldos
| His men, by his order. had all a sock or
one foot and Fusz-lappen on the 9th
er. They were instructed to note care
| fully the answer given by their officer
and to remove the boot which would
disclose verification of his assertion
| A serious-mannered Irish member
named Blake (relates Henry w. Lucy
in the July North American Review II
remembered for brief correspondence
he read to the delighted House. 1t was
introduced in a speech delivered In de
bate on the Irish Sunday-closing bill
Mr.. Blake had, he confidentially IN
formed the House, an uncle who regu
larry took six tumblers of whisky tod
dy daily. This troubled him, and afte1
much thought he resolved to write ant
demonstrate with his relative. The fol
lowing was the letter: MY Dear Uncle
l write to say how pleased should b,
II you could see your way to giving VI
your six glasses of whisky day an
sure you would find many advantages
in doing SO. the greatest OF which
would be that, as l ann persuaded. !
would be the means Of lengtheninl
your days." The uncle replied: IN.
Dear Nephew: attn much obliged t,
you for your dutiful letter. was s,
much struck by what you said, and, II
particular, by your kind wish to length
en- my days, that last Friday gave NJ
the whisky. 1 believe you are right
my boy, as to my days being lengthen
ed, for bedad! 1t was the longest day
ever remember"
/ Behind the Times.
Perhaps 1t is because almost ever,
| nno haa some odd WAYS of his owl