Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1897-08-25
LETTER FROM HENFARMER
Another Duel-with mo- Prelimin-
aries.

Another Duel-With mo- Prelimin
aries.
The Henfarmer was silent last week
What else could have been expected? He
had promised to end the discussion with
Uriah, and he kept his word. And, to
be sure, no one who read the Times.
Democrat, of August 18th, would have
looked for another article from my pen
unless, indeed, could boast the multiple
existence of the feline race.
But, as q matter of fact, no funeral has
yet occurred. True, the great duel was
fought, but opinions differ as to whether
or not twas won. After hOtiy-
contested battle, the combatants were
forced to desist from sheer exhaustion.
Each claimed the victory, but neither
was satisfied. The wilderness of
Zubedam r. ceived new baptism, as the
belligerents painfully struggled through
it's weary length, nursing their wounds
and glaring at each other, as they
shouted, "Ubedam Ubedam
Uriah did not recover in time to report
the battle for the next week. paper, but
at last he reached Atlantic City, where,
safely hidden among the weeds in the
garden OF Brother Hall, he crowed de-
fiance, more like q vanquished rooster
than conquering drake. This stirred
Beriah's fighting blood, and he deter
termined not to call the matter settled
until another fall was taken.
The next day, with vengeance in his
heart, he strode his silent steed and
pedaled Port Republic way. At tbe last
turn of the road, he came full tilt upon
Uriah, scratching the roadside with q
tater-drag, as if another Klondyke or q
BallOrat lay beneath his feet. Defend
yourself /" in simultaneous cry rang out
upon the air, as each man drew his
trusty " eapOn-the sword OF Eve-and
steel cut lightning out of steel.
Beriah's furious onset was irresistible.
From the first the Duckfarmer was
hopelessly defeated. He failed to make
a single home thrust, and his attempt
to parry were miserable failures. With
tightening sped these thrusts went
home "Tell me, Uriah, in what par
ticular have l lodged your question
Come to the stores with me let US search
up the old daybooks, and fi1d that all
those fabulous prices did exist during
the late seventies and early eighties.
Tell me if you can, how one country,
with only its share of gold, the sole
monetary standard, is to corner the
entire output of another metal, produced
abundantly by almost every nation,
set its own price upon that metal, and
compel the world to accept that price :?
Our gold will buy but little of that
metal-how are we going to obtain
control of the remainder Tell me why
Republican iniquity forces sugar up to
five and one-half cents during preserving
time, and Democratic pressure keeps it
at five the rest of the year. And 0,
Uriah, saw you and your party in the
last campaign, With Father Jefferson
you shouted for gold until you saw the
black cloud with silver lning) rising
over Colorado. Twas then you (H)
all of you, straddled the fence, to be
ready to scoot for place OF safety, but
alack and alas those tongues of flame
that shot from that Kissing, seething
crucible-the Chicago Convention warp
ed you into thousand shapes and sent
you writhing and twisting among your
fellow-voters. And how do you know
that Providence intends to open up all
the gold regions of the earth, to restore
confidence for the benefit of Mark Hanna
and William Mckinley. Do you possess
the eerie skill to interpret the Powers
behind the clouds If so l fear you.
for such was the skill of the Witch of
Endor."
The last stroke reached the "Solar
Plexus" and Uriah swooned. Just then
Elmer Count Adams de Public Report,
drove up with load of sgold dust"
Together we conveyed the prostrate
man to a cool and shady place, where
we nursed him back to consciousness
and refreshed with cocktail he SO long
had craved.
When he felt strong enough to converse
we talked matters over in a calm,
brotherly fashion, and made a splendid
hatchet-funeral by the roadside. Tell
me, my brother" / asked, chow do you
silver men expect to carry out your
plans? ? "In animated style like one who
hopes to make convert, he thus began :
Like other politicians our leaders put
forth some fashy, claptrap scheme to
catch votes. They know we can't
successfully oppose all Europe, in the
field or at the bank, but we have q
splendid scheme, which at present is
known only to our most trusted leaders.
American miners, with American capital.
are to develope the gold mines of klOn-
dyke, Siberia, China, India, South Africa,
Mexico, Central America and South
America. With the output we shall be
able to secure control of all the silver
mines of both hemispheres. In this way,
with US controlling universally the
future products of both metals, other
nations will not be able to increase their
currency. Universal distress, except in
America, will follow, and the world will
be at our feet, begging for commercial,
and perhaps political vassalage."
The vastness of the scheme stirred my
patriotic spirit to it's depths. Never
had | heard the silver theory 80 plainly
put before. The case with which such
mighty plans could be accomplished, al
most took my breath away. Like
Aggrippa was "almost persuaded" but
refused just then to profess conversion.
Give me few weeks to think, / asked
"and meanwhile let US take those snake
hunts" agreed my boy" said he,
"You find the trail, and / will follow"
And SO, dear PRESS, we bade adieu,
close friends as ever, and next week, at
your kind pleasure, we'll track serpent
and report the fun to you.
Beriah Henfarmer.
Swamp -Edge-Slope
Leedses- -Pint-on-the-Great-B Bay,
Aug. 23, 1897.