Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-04-03
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4 WORK looked as Nttle before You start
As IL does when you get IL done.
Washington star.
what is pronunciation. Uncle Jim?"
at Is something you hunt up In die.
tionary one day aud forget the next"
Chicago Record.
what Is nutritious food. Uncle
AleckT' 1T Is food that Is so cheap
aud plain that many people are ashan.
ell to eat it."-Ch!cago Record.
How long did 1t take you to learn
.he bicycle" me? IT wasn't three
days before I could lie rs fast as any
OF them. Indianapolis Journal.
He--You haven. talked anything but
hat for the last three weeks. Suppose
you change the subject. She-That Is
exactly what want TO do.-Exchange.
Hobson--Ilow are you getting on with
your bicycle? Dobson-Same way as
usual. / haven't learned the pedal
mount ye;.-New York Commercial Ad.
vertiser.
She-Then papa didn't refuse TO listen
10 you? He--Not bit. I began by
telling him l knew of plan whereby
he could save money.-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
Husband-My! how you did snore last
night. I couldn't sleep. Wife-why
didn't you wake me up?" II thought
you were making enough noise as Il
was."-ro Date.
Mrs. Hastcroft-is there too much
seasoning in the turkey. Mr.. Billings?
nii'tarx-NA. 4 .i,,,lI xtnrs, Ia
little turkey In the seasoning.-lndl.
annapolis Journal.
"Of all the wonders OF the great
West. which was the one that Impress
ed you most?" Wondering how was
ever going to get back homc."-lndi.
annapolis Journal.
De Garry-why Is 1t that when fcl.
seldom play cards? Merrltt-Because
II they did she would have TO hold her
own haad.-Judge.
"Yes. SIR" said one sportsman. shat
pugills. has just invented three new
blows" Him." replied the other. Il
though; he seemed little out OF
breath. "-washington Star.
NhsN tNNAt o"ut
her new beau" "What did the little
rascal do:" HE told the man that his
sister always took hot fiat!ron to bed
with ber."-Chicago Record.
swell. the weather man predicted
violen; storms yesterday morning. and
nothing came of it." "Ilow can You
say sof There was Wagner concert
last n!cht."-Chicago Tribune.
First American (proudly)-My daush.
ter Is engaged 10 u viscount. Second
American with contcmpO-Humpni
That's nothing. Ny daughter has been
divorced by an earl.-Clcvcland Lead.
er.
Fond Papa--l trust. Ethel, that you
are always good girl. and never dirt
DutItu! Daughter-No, papa, never
dirt any more Than you used to do
VILE Journal.
Lonesome I.arry-Tm awfully uncer.
tain abou, what ate at dat boariin'
house. Weary W!lllam-What did Il
look like? Lonesome Larry--I can't
describe It. but It's nom de plume was
hash.-Adams Freeman.
'wha," exclaimed the high naval ofii.
cial NO more money to equip the bat.
tieships for sea service? Have We
not" II was clear that he knew
whereo. he spoke. a sinking
fund"-New York Press.
Doesn't your daughter dances" 10.
oulrea the hostess. The lady addressed
looked around at the tall, anaemic girl
aya!us, the wall. "Not unless she 70
asked" she somewhat frigldly replied.
cleveland Plain Dealer.
what do you think 10 the matte.
with her. doctor:" appendicitis. I
think" For heavens sake. don't ten
her. She would die with Joy II she
though, she had such fashionable dis
ease"-Cinclnnat Record.
Mr.. Henpeck," said the doctor, after
examination. II fear your w!fe's mind
Is gone THAT doesn't surprise me-"
said the poor man; "she has been Civ.
ing me a piece OF II every day for ten
years."-Memphls Sclmltar-
Mrs. Callpers with rising luhec.
tIon,-My dear? Mr.. Callipers-Well1
Mrs. Calllpers-Why Is 1t that II man
has popularity he calls 1t eccentricity
aud II bis neighbor has the same thing
he calls IL tomsoolery?-Truth.
Does your husband still call you pet
names" YES" said the wife OF .
year; yes, he does. But he does 50
with q little too much ease, ! think. 1t
sort Of sounds as II II were more the
result Of practice than the expression
OF undying affection."-Philadelp
News. Att
IL can get you Job at cutting ice. IL
YOU want IT," said the member OF the
Association for Extending Assistance
20 the Worthy Poor. "Pm much
obliged said Perry Patetic; "but see
In as how don't cut no Ice socially.
guess ] might jlst as well keep 1t up
along other lines and not bust me repu.
tatlon."-Cincinnatl Enquirer.
The cannibal chief was clearly angry.
"Did you not inform me-" he demanded,
that the new missionary was man OF
Innate delicacy?" The mlnion cringed.
1T was SO stated In the invoice, sire"
he falfered. The savage nabob laid
down his napkin with jar that spilled
the gravy-boat. "Well. then" he thun.
dered, you find It! I'm fond of import.
ed delicacles. York Press.