The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1897-08-05
THE MAN WHO BOARDS.
Some Things That Make Him Con-
template Matrimony

Some Things That Make Him Con-
template MatrimOny.
The troubles of man who boards
begin with \ and end with L and be-
tween is a pandora box full of difficult
ties.
Now there is the question of towels.
Jones is decent enough to take bath
at irregular intervals of some "a hours
and has some fine, large "altogether"
bath towels which ne intends shall
cheer but not irritate after he rises,
dripping like mermaid or a half
drowned cat, from the chill morning
tub. But they disappear and in their
place he finds some heavy pocket hands
kerchiefs, with large holes in them,
which he ascertains are sufficient to dry
him down to the third floating rib when
he uses extraordinary prudence and the
remote and fringy corners. Otherwise
he must start the day feeling as though
he was in heavy perspiration. 1t dis
courages the aquatic duty of citizen.
Then there is the matter of matches.
This is a small but at times a burning
question. When a man comes in tired,
puts on slippers and gets out the light
est novel on his shelves and snuggles
down in a big chair for a long, quiet
evening and a pipe, and carelessly
reaching for the match safe finds it
empty, he sits for u moment in fever
ish frame of mind. Then he rises soil
EMMY and goes down three flights of
stairs for matches, but finds the box is
empty and the landlady gone to bed.
In the darkness of the lower hall,
alone with some dozen vicious rocking
chairs clustered around his unprotected
ankles, he murmurs Il blessing on the
lady and her assistant and laboriouslv
ascends to search the bathroom. Fooled
there he prowls into another's room,
which he finds has new and feminine
occupant and prccipitately retires, feel
ing that worst of humilia-
ton. He cusses the pipe and throws the
book into a corner, and the lamp then
displays fading tendency.
Grim, haggard, furious, he stands
watching the glow turn a sickly pallor
and flicker, then burn in a ring of
smudgy fire at the wick. He remem-
maid at four different and feryid times
to keep that lamp full of oil and even
slipped a quarter into her hand hoping
it would work a change Again is he in
he darkness and all the evil that is in
his nature Tor has been instilled there
by having to eat warmed-over rare
roast beef under the guise of steak
seethes in his chest.
Some of the troubles are small, like
the piece of chicken at The Sunday din
ner, and there are others which are
great and vast like the Monadnock
block. With Jones one of these latter
is difference of opinion respecting the
most convenient, desirable and alto
gether choice location for the wash
stand. He has certain preferences
which in his timid, hesitating way he
exhibits by putting the stand where he
wants it. He takes proud, complacent
survey of his domestic domain as he
leaves in the morning. AT night he re-
turns to find that the washstand is oc-
cupying another site. He puts it back
and continues doing it for three success
sive nights and then comes a time
when flesh can bear no more and he
tramps downstairs and demands to see
the chambermaid.
She is out and he forgets it in the
morningssbut that night his furniture
is in the'prim, maddening regularity
which he detests and the maid is ar
raigned. She could not open the ward
robe door, she explains, with the wash
stand where it was. Open the ward
robe door! What was that girl going
into that place every day for and get
ting his coats white with lint from her
dust cloth?
And then Jones goes away and sulks
and meditates matrimony.-Chicago