davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
The Safest way,

i Borax (rehectiyely)-I wish I knew
how to tell woman's age. 49, ~ II.
SamjonesThe best way to tell it is
in soft and gentle whisper.-N. Y
Truth. -.-. s.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
on the Team.

THAT was shabby trick they played
On Halifax to force him off the football
team"
IL hadn't heard of it. What did they
Go?"
"Chloroformed him one night and
cut his hair."-Chicag0 Post.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
Quite Likely.

= think we have met before
Quite likely; used g be = bill col,
i1ctor. - Tit Bits.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
Pride Goeth Before u

Pride Goeth Before . Fail.
Oh, why should the spirit of scorcher be
proud?
Like a fast-flitting meteor, a fast-flying
cloud,
He striketh q stone where the coasting is
steep,
And straightway it knocketh him all in a
heap.
Il. A. ". Bulletin.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16

The store was kept by Meredith.
Within that country town,
Where wrote verse that didn't sell
And run my credit down.
Get one thing kept my spirits up,
It was the pleasant myth,
That. though no kin to Lytton.I
Was OWN Meredith.
Louisville Courier,Journal.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
What She Heard.

Mrs. Jagsby Cat the head of stairs.
FIVE a. m. )-What is that noise? Is that
you, Mr.. Jagsby, falling upstairs?
MI. Jassby (thickly )-N-no, m'dear:
The noise You (hic) hear, thash JUS.
the (hicl break o. day!-N. Y. Journal.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
LITERAL OBEDIENCE,

Doctor-What, taking bath! Why,
you will kill yourself. man.
T Patient-But, doctor, you told me to
take the pills in water.-Punchinello
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
Not What 1t Ought to Be.

Not What 1T Ought to Be.
Patron-Did you see this steak
broiled?
Waiter-No, sab.
Patron-I wish you would investi-
gate. l have suspicion that it was
tanned.--DetrOit Free Press.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
Cajastly Accused.
row trouble, Jack. What's

Don't borrow trouble, Jack. What's
the use?'
Borrow trouble? Who said was
borrowing trouble? Pvesgot trouble to
lend! "-Chicago Record. -. e .
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
One Other ExDlanation.

OAe OtneE EXDK3A1t1On.
THAT joke" he said, lis no good"
''What's the matter with it?''
why, never saw the point of it.
At all until it was explained to me,
and when a diagram has to be sent
along with the joke it is evident that
something is wrong with the JOKE
~Or with the reader."-Chicago Post.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16

What beastly cold you've got, Sam!
Where did you get it?"
cts not cold; it's hay fever. got
it dancing with that grass widow the
other night."-Punch.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16
Unnatural.

THAT man Davis is clearly not fit to
be father"
''Why?"
'His child is week and a half old
and he hasn't expressed the belief that
it recognizes him. News
Too Many Amendments.
'sHe is now u physical wreck"
HE used to have a strong constitu-
tion.''
Il know. But the doctors have
World.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1897-11-16

L
full"
Fred stopped to examine the hole in
the sleeve.
Il was standing this way" Mrs. Wal
tiers explained, with sudden animation.
"and when I heard the report
"Iour father is coming" interrupted
Mrs. Roundtree, as the sound of wheels
was heard, and they all went to a win
dow. 1t was the mayor, with Capt.
Welsh and Minard Hendricks, in cab.
II wonder if that detective hasn't a
high opinion of his ability said Mrs.
Walters. He looks as if he thought he
would get to the bottom of the whole
mystery in a very short'time." She sat
down in a rocking chair, spread out her
skirts and pulled at sthe big sleeves OF
her wrapper. 81 suppose he will begin
to catechise me. am not presentable
like this, but if-if ran upstairs, to fix
up a little, you would think suppose
you think I am an, odd creature any
way s. ss.s..g.. .a &s= 81
e No one answered her. The mayor
was entering, followed by the others
He bent down and kissed his daughter,
and then said: Ny dear, this is Mr..
Hendricks. There IS not . second to
lose. He wants to ask you some ques-
tiOns." .2
am ready Mr. Hendriclt I think you'll
find me ca1mer than anyof the rest. z s.
Il IS usually the case,r HendIieks
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
ADVICE TO GIRLS.

Girls, here bit OF advice TO you:
There are men in the world whose love Is
true,
Whose hearts are noble, whose hands are
clean,
Who would scorn practice vulgar ana
mean.
Don't marry a man 10 save him.
Would you shun a life OF disease and pain.
A brok en- heart and n weary brain;
Would you shun the plague of a living death
Oh, never, while you draw your breath,
Marry a man TO save him.
II your friend has welded the fatal cup,
Try Your best, endeavor to lift him up,
You may give him your sympathies and
cares,
Remember him to God in your prayers.
But never marry to save him.
Though you go TO your grave alone, what
then?
The world is full of sad women and men;
You cannot afford yourself TO be lost,
And oh you are paying fearful cost.
When you marry man 10 save him.
O'er the graves OF our loved ones blossoms
grow,
In the beautiful years that come and go.
But where is the love that can sanctify
The fostering dead that unburied lie"
Don't marry a man TO save him.
II he turn his back on the God OF truth,
If he kills the beautiful hopes OF youth,
II the mother that bore him cannot stay
His course to destruction, go on your way;
No woman on earth can save him.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
II Was a Good Sermon.

Ian Maclaren, during his tour OF tins
country, frequently enlogzed Rev.
Norman Macleod as the ideal Scotch
preacher. This anecdote concerning
him we find in Light and Lye.
Norman Macleod was once preach
ing in district in Ayrshire, where the
reading OF a sermon is regarded as the
greatest fault Of which a minister can
be guilty. When the congregation
dispersed, an old woman, oVerlowing
with enthusiasm, addressed her neigh
Dor.
did You ever hear anything sac
grand ? Wasna that a sermon ?
But all her expressions of admlra-
ton being met by stolid glance, che
shouted: Speak, woman, wasna that
a Sermon"
800, ay, replied her friend sulkily,
"but be read il"
"Read it e. said the other with IN
dignant emphasis 81 wadna bae cared
if he had whustled it. ="
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
Scottish Independence.

Mr.. Irving related in Boston that
once, travelling in Scotland near Bal
moral, he met an old Scotch woman
with whom he spoke Of the queen.
"The queen good woman, he said.
81 suppose she's guide enough, but
there are things Gamma bear"
What do you mean?' asked Mr.
Irving.
We'll, ] think there are things
which even the queen has no right to
do. For one thing she goes rowing
on soonday; and it's not a Chrees-
tian thing to do !"
"But you know the Bible tells
US"
81 knaw," she interrupted, angrily.
i've read the Bible since ] wac 20
high, an ! knaw ey'ry word int. /
knaw aboot the Soonday fishing and a
the other things The good Lord did;
but / want ye TO knaw, too. that |
don't think any the more, cen Of him,
for a-doin it !"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

only stranger here, and I amt got
no frog, but if I had frog I'd bet
you"
And then Smiley says, That's all
right-that's all right. If you'll hold
my box minute, III go and get you
a frog" And so the feller took the
box and put up his $40 along with
Smiley's and set down to wait.
So he set there a good while thinkin
and thinkin to hisself, and then he got
the frog out and priced his mouth open
and took teaspoon and filled him full
Of quail shot-flled him pretty near
up to his chin-and set him on the
floor. Smiley he went to the swamp
and stopped around in the mud for
long time, and finally he ketched
frog and fetched him in and give him
to this feller and says:
"Now, your ready, set him along
side of Dan'l, with his fore paws just
even with Dan'l, and I'll give the
word" Then be says, "One-two-
three-jump!" and him and the feller
touched up the frogs from behind, and
the new frog hoped off, but Danl
give heave and hysted up his shoul-
ders, so, like Frenchman, but it
wasn't no use. He couldn't bulge
he was planted as solid as an anvil
and he couldn't no more stir than If
he was anchored out. Smiley was
good deal surprised, and he was dis
gusted, too, but he didn't have no idea
what the matter was, ofcourse.
The Teller took the money and start
ed away, and when he was goln out at
the door he sorter ierked his thumb
over his shoulder. this way, at Dan l
and says again, very deliberate, "WeIl,
I don't see no pints about that frog
that's any better'n any other frog
Smiley he stood scratchin his head
ond lool,in down at Danl a long time,
and at last he says: 81 do wonder
what in the nation that frog throw d
off for. wonder if there amt some-
thin the matter with him. He pears
to look mighty baggy somehow. And
he ketched Danl by the nap OF the
neck and lifted him up and says
"Why, blame my cats, if he don't
weigh five pounds = and turned him
upsidedown, and he threw up double
handful Of shot, and then he saw how
it was, and he was the maddest man.
He set the frog down and took out at
ter that feller, but he never ketched
him.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
What United Effort VIII Do.

In small towns. especially those re-
mote from great business centres. there
is likely to be n certain degree OF bus
iness stagnation. There are no special
industries, there is nothing to keep the
people busy, and, as a consequence a
certain class of young men idle away
their time, the better ones leave the
place, and the totally worthless ones
then hang around, blot on the fair
fame of the place, and burden TO
their families, And they may have
become such worthless creatures from
lack of something TO 10. The clear
headed, stout hearted citizens of such
localities should make an effort to start
some industry Of some sort-a factory,
or mill, even though it were very small
at the outset.
A little southern town of 800 inhab-
itants has been working on this line.
There was need of occupation for the
fathers, sons, husbands and brothers
of that locality. There were girls, too,
without occupation, and financial
stringency held them in that most gall
ing of bonds. A few of the best men,
after discussing various plans, started
small factory. 1t grew and hom-
ished and enlarged 1t did so we'll
that somebody thought it worth while
to start another; then the attention OF
the people of the neighborhood was
attracted to the Importance of getting
in more industries
a score of years ago, where there
were idle men, women, boys and girls,
without any means Of earning hve-
hhood, except the little affairs that or
dinarily occupy such communities,
there are now manufacturing eslab-
lishments of various sorts, machine
shops, foundres and the like, and out
of that one little town, go products
worth one million of dollars every year.
The projectors of this enterprise have
become wealthy, their children are am-
bilious, their sons are succeeding them,
their daughters are taking an interest
in business matters, and the place has
all the air of manufacturing centre.
Not one dollar Of outside capital WAS
put into this enterprise, but, solely
through home industry, home talent
and home force, the million of dollars
worth of manufactured goods goes out
of that town every year, and the men
who live there and who take an inter-
est in what is going on, and those who
work day by day and year by year
faithfully and patiently, are getting
their reward, and laying foundation
for a prosperous iuture.-Ndp lors
Lciger.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
A Real Blood Remedy.
HOW's This?

Knitting Cotton sc ball.
Spool Cotton lc spool.
Darning Cotton &c ball.
Working Cotton (all cotton) &C ball.
Babbitt'S Soap cakes for % cents.
Kirkman's BoraX Soap 9 cakes for 25c.
Little Folks Soap &c cake.
Ivory Soap cakes for % cents.
Star Soap &c cake.
Homemade Soap cakes for % cents.
Celery Toilet Soap q cakes for % cents.
Elder Flower Soap 6 cakes for - cents.
Coaline Soap 6 cakes for % cents.
Puck's Soap cakes for - cents.
Colnmeal Soap cakes for % cents.
Honey Soap cakes for % cents.
Buttermilk Soap 6 cakes for % cents.
Babbitt'S Lye 3 boxes for % cents.
Brown Winsor Soap 6 cakes for 25c.
Pins &c paper.
Needles lc paper.
Window Shades, with spring rollers,
IS cents.
Dress Shields cents, very cheap.
Furnishing Braid, all colors, at cents
bunch.
Lead Pencils cent, big bargain.
, Steel Pens for | cent.
Slate Pencils for cent.
Lead Pencils for cent.
Straw Cuffs for &c per pair.
Feather DuSter for 10 cents.
Hair Brushes for 10 and - cents.
Combs 3 and &c, and the best for lOc
Garter Gum at ), and 10 cents.
Child's Parasol at 20 cents.
Ladies' Sun Umbrellas at 60 cents.
Stair Oilcloth at Sc yard.
Mating 10, | and II cents yard.
Floor Oilcloth 20c square yard.
Box of Paper and Envelopes at . cents,
White Bed Spreads at - cents.
Rugs pc and 81 p, very cheap.
Clocks 50 and 15C and Sl.2O
Come and see our Bargains; it Will be
to YOUR advantage. Respectfully,
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
Our Line 80
for
%. 1907!

We invite you to examine this list:
Syracuse Chilled Plows and Repairs,
No. 40 Chilled Plows and Repairs,
Hench & Dromgold Wheel Lever
Harrows, Syracuse Lever Harrows,
Double and Single Shovel Plows and
Blades, Tiger or Farmers Friend Corn
Planter, with Check Row and Drill
combined; Champion, Wizard and Ii
ger Hay Rakes; Mccormick Binders
and Mowers, Brown Wagons, Brown
Cultivators, Bickford u Huffman
Grain Drills, Buggies, d Dlytons, Spin
die Wagons and Surveys, Feed Gut
ters, Feed Grinders and Lawn Now
ers, Binder Twine all grades, agent
for Crescent Bicycles.
We invite you to call and examine
the above line of goods and get our
lowest prices. We carry everything
that is used on the farm in the way
of Implements. Thankful for past
favors we hope for a share of your
trade. Yours very respectfully,
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

The reviyalist Hammond recently
preached at Vallejo, Cal, from the
words, saul, Saul. why persecutest
thou me ?" In the audience there vas
an engineer named Saul, who was ac-
companied by his wife and little girl.
The reverend gentleman repeated MS
text several times, "Saul, Saul, why
persecutest thou me?" At last the
little one, who thought that the text
had personal application, looked up
into the face of her parent and said,
"Father, don't mind him I; he's drunk. "
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

indiscriminateu use of the knife. Read
ing of the many cures made by S. S.
S., determined 10 give that medicine
trial, and after had taken it few
days, the cancer became irritated and
began to discharge. This after awhile
ceased, leaving a small scab, which
finally dropped off, and only healthy
little scar remained to mark the place
where the destroyer had held full sway.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

Dusty Dick-Say, boss, amt yer got
er half er dollar fer poor blind chap ?
Old Gentleman-W Why, you're only
blind in one eye.
Dusty Diek-All right, boss, make
It 25 cents den.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
= T SNYDER PUBLISHER.
SPRING AND SUMMER
GOODS

We have received our Summer Mil
linery, Wash Goods, &C., and you will
find them prettier and cheaper than
ever.
We have nice assortment of White
and Colored Curtain Poles. Spring
Roller Blinds at from l24 cents up.
Prices on Hosiery not changed,
child's 8 cents per pair, misses and
ladies 5 cents, and all Hosiery over 5
cents are seamless and perfectly stain
less.
By-the-way, we have a lot of Large
Pictures with Frames that we are pre-
senting to our customers. No lottery,
no chance you get them without one
cent cost Call in and we will explain
how you get them.
Buy your Mattings while you can
get them at low price You will pay
more for them later.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

size of a small pea.
1t grew rapidly, and
shooting pains ran
i'll every direction.
I became alarmed
and con S ult c d a
good doctor, who
pronounced it cam
GER, and said that it
must be cut out.
This / would not
consent 10, having
little faith in the
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
Manageable Age.

In Austria "man" and "woman
are supposed to be able TO be capable
of conducting home of their own
from the age of fourteen.
In Germany the man must be at
least eighteen years Of age.
In France the man must be eighteen
and the woman fifteen; in Belgium
the same.
In Spain the intended husband must
have passed his fourteenth year and
the woman her twelfth.
In Hungary, for Catholics, the man
must be fourteen years old and the
woman twelve; for Protestants, the
man must be eighteen and the woman
fifteen.
In Greece the man must have seen
at least fourteen summers and the wo-
man twelve.
In Portugal boy offourteen is con-
sidered marriageable, and woman of
twelve.
In Russia and Saxony youth must
refrain from entering into matrlmony
till he can count eighteen years, and
the woman till she can count sixteen.
In Switzerland the men from the
age of fourteen and the women from
the age of twelve are allowed to mar
ry.
In Turkey any youth and maiden
who can walk properly, and can un-
derstand the necessary religious SER
vice, are allowed to be united for life.
There are few towns or few church
es that can boast ofa woman preacher,
but Williamsburg, Mass and its Meth
odist church can claim this distinction
at least. Mrs. H. II. Weyant, the
wife of the Methodist minister, occu-
pied the pulpit and conducted service
in that church Sunday, her husband
being confined at home, unable to
preach. 1t was an unusual sight to
find a woman in the pulpit as did the
people of that church who attended
service that morning, and they were
much surprised. She read the Scrip
ture, offered prayer, and conducted
the singing, and then preached Wig
orous and practical sermon. In the
afternoon she went to Whately for her
husband and conducted the services
there.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

Sprocket-Did your wife run into
anything when she first got her wheel ?
BIoomer-Yes, she ran into debt.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

Jones-HOw much do you pay your
type writer?
Brown-'shl used to pay her ff-
teen dollars week.
Jones-Dut how much do you ray
her now?
Brown-'Shl She allows me fifteen
dollars a week, now-we're married.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
H0drSeneSS.

fteaehers ,h,imIend my 10 cent remedies to
TGle eonslsn TiUlc Speakers, Singers, or any
VI hoarse Throat. - "
j. q. GIBSON, Druggist.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
Too
Much Knife !

The use of the surgeons knife is be-
coming so general, resulting fatally
in such 4 large number of cases, as to
occasion general alarm.
Mr.. William Wa1pole, of Walshtown,
South Dakota, writes; About
three years ago, there came under
my left eye little blotch about the
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24
CAUTION.

.s We dt.re to call attention to the fact
G' ' me .he Hon. j. j. Jackson. Judge of
IT,. "i,rd States Circuit Court, in and
-5 -.e District Of West Virginia, grant
r." INJUNCTION at Charleston. West
r.j, una May >, 1891, in which ne de-
,b.,''',H' ''H' our firm has the right to use
r.. "r'u r,'u PocahontaS" or "PocahontaS
C."..ir"p DO connection with coal. the
Nm, y'.iiS oi the opinion that we have
s1,,.' .h" righteous the word "Poca-
,l.," ,l'"S Tor the purpose of indicating
F.l5p pG' , Goa. comes from the PocahontaS
,.,i, .o ool also that we have the SOLE
cfs,.o,.. o. use SAID word as indicating the
T,'aC'rr of coal We sell.
Can't" oil said decision, the trade is
r,.G rr..,.oned against infringing upon said
de,ig,nark "Pocahontas" as a name for
an H7rln HSua'lns coal in the sale thereof. and
cu,raS ,SSlon or infringementS on our ex-
5g ','e ,,, rights will be dealt with accord
CANTNER X CURRAN,
agents for the Celebrated
oC"HphiaS SmOkeleSS Coal,
32S Chestnut Street,
~ Philadelphia, Pa.
Nav o, Terry Building, Roanoke, Va.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

The ShepherdstO,OH Register so'u be
sent 10 any address for one year from
this date for IS cents.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1897-06-24

bet. One day feller-a stranger IN
the camp he was-come across him
with his box and says:
What might it be that you We got
in the box ?"
And Smiley says, sorter Indifferent
like: at might be parrot or it might
be canary, maybe, but it amt. It's
only just frog"
And the feller took it and looked at
it carefully and turned it round this
way and that and says: "Hm-so It's.
Well, what's he good for?'
We'll" Smiley says, easy and care
less, "he's good enough for one thing,
I should judge-he can Outjump any
frog in Calaveras county"
The Teller took the box again and
took another long look and give 1t
back to Smiley, and says, very dellb-
crate, We'll, l don't see no pints
about that frog that's any better'n any
other frog.
Maybe you don't" Smiley says
Maybe you understand frogs, and
maybe you don't understand EN-; may
be you've had experience, and maybe
you amt only a amature, as it were
Anyways, I've got my opinion, and III
risk $40 that he can ouGump any frog
in Calaveras county.
And the feller studied minute and
then says, kinder sad like, well, In
People's party paper. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1891-1898, 1897-01-22
PITY FOR THE poor.

with PrBtectiOnlsts ii Takes the Form
Of Taxing His Eecessit 81.
The Mckinley politicians and mo-
nopoiy organs are opposed 10 revenue
taxes to meet the treasury's def2i5
Already they have begun 5heir old
QUERY against taxing "the poor man g
beer" or the ''poor mans breakfast
table," meaning email duties on tea
and coffee.
WAat humbag! An additional tax
of 81 barrel on beer (3l4 gallons,
or nearly 500 glasses, counting froth)
could not be added to the retail price.
1t would be divided between the rich
brewers and the dealers.
The refusal OF The protectionlsts to
restore or increase internal revenues
taxes is due wholly to their desire to
increase the tariff taxes which streng.
then their monopolies and sdd 10
their bountiea. Wholly! Wholly!
II they were really concerned for
the poor man, would they--in thiS
bitter weather-be planning to in.
crease taxes on his wooden clothing
or on his coal. his window glass, his
lumber and his nails and his market.
ings? Would they?
10 exempt wealth and luxuries
and tax necessaries is the high protec-
tionis.'s measure Of pity for the poor.
New York World.