The Van Buren press., 1897-05-29
A Time of Year to Cuss.

On horseback and riding acrost the
piney woods country of east Texas
where they have red hills and sandbeds
and shade trees and spring branches
and poor land and good water in the
greatest plenty-everyt thing was so
natural and homely looking till twas a
most magnolous and happy day to me.
Soon that mornin, when l rid out of the
broad, bleak prairies and struck rale
skirt of woods for the first time in three
months-man sir, l was so tremendous
glad till blamed if l didn't dismount
and git down and hug large and love
ly pine tree.
Late along in the shank of the evenin
rid up in sight of a settlement with a
double pen log house. A man come
tearin out of the clearin and hailed mt
in the big road.
Don't you want a job, stranger?'
says he, talllin fast and excited like
81 am willin to pay you anything in rea-
son-whatever mought be right fol
your time and trouble, and if you are
rale peart hand at the business yor
can soon turn off the job"
Il am a stranger in a strange land
with a long road ahead and no money
to mention, and l wouldn't mind turin
few honest plunkers If it come handy
says l.
"How are you on cussin?" sayshe.
"Only very few" says 1. cat home
they tell it around that am the most
handiest man in the settlement. But
TO speak the plain Bible truth, I an
somewhat ruther awkward and nothir
to brag on when it comes to cussin."
"Then you amt the man l am looking
for. What want and what l need mos
hellatious bad at this particular time OF
year is man that has been fetched W
cussin and trained for the business
man that can cuss in all the lates1
fashions and fling in the hot stuff thicl
and fast and furious. l am what yol
Inought call right tolerable good hand
at cussin my own rusty self, but the
terrible circumference of the present
calamity is jest simply too much fol
me. l can't sorter half way do the sub
ject justice. Iwould love the best in the
world to hire good, swift hand at the
business and give him the job"
maybe it amt none of my business.
but what seems to be the trouble?'
says l.
"Nobo knows what trouble is but
me, stranger" the man responded back
as the sun went down behind heavy
bank of clouds. "Only last week some
ugly scoundrel beast put out pizen and
killed my three hound dogs-the finest
and the fastest that ever followed
trail in the lone state of Texas. Night
before last my mule took sick and died,
and right on top of that my old woman
took and sloped off this mornin and run
away with foot peddler. So here
am-with my dogs and my mule dead
and the old woman gone-with seven
children and four cows, and nobody to
do durn thing-troubles on top OF
troubles - troubles comm in great
chunks and gobs and slices. If could
but only find the right man to take holt
and cuss out the human race, and cuss
out creation in general, seems to me
like l might feel whole lot better. !
have tried my hand faithful and hit the
high places, and scorched the air about
in patches. But plain, blunt man like
me is as helpless as baby under the
sad surroundins Of the present case"
What did l do? What could | doP
Nothin much to speak of. l told the
unhappy man to brace up as best he
could and wait till the clouds rolled by.
Then l rid on and left him alone in his
| troubles.