Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1897-02-21
iSEEDY ARIST0CRATS.
EQUALITY ToL,<'' WHO WE'RE RICH
BEFORE THE WAR.
THEY DON'T COUNT FOR MUCH NOW.
The Great difference between Other
peopic's children and our Own
now We Dread the visitations OF
Outside Youngsters.

.Po white" people. who wear paper
collars and use hair-on on their heads.
are mighty bad-about as bad as any
,hlng can be. 1 think-but after all. they
ain't much worse THAI folks who were
rlch before the war and who bank on
what they used TO be. OF the two ex-
tremcs. / don't know which Ia choose
brokou-down aristocTecy or "po' white
pcoplc-or rather, l don't know which
IA Try hardest not to choose. People,
who used TO be quality folks" or who
tay they used to be. which is Just tho
same. have got some monstrous mean
ways The men won't have anything 10
90 with you unless you happen to have
some chewing tobacco with you and the
women have a habit Of turning up their
noses when your wife and children pass
when somebody mentions you they say:
"Nho was his pap or, where was his
groat-greatfather's plantation" or some
thine equally embarrassing to a man
wEo don't exactly know who his pa was.
or whether his notwithstanding
was hung or tarred and feathered. It's
aaAlI.Is tNAA tAN way AtAAVAfA Win the
broken-d0wn aristocracy. Don't make
any difference II you're always had plenty
70 eat and some 10 give TO poor
kln-that won't save you unless your
grandmother was an "F. II. V" and your
father one OF those picturesque Colonel
Carriers. az Gainesville" VINO always
kept q big grocery bill and drank Other
folks Nquor. These "befo'-de-war" peo-
pie are great on having bills, any
how. They are perfectly willing to let
a plain "pO white" storekeeper credit
them, and when once they confer this
honor they don't generally withdraw It.
The statute Of limitation runs on every
debt they make before they inquire
about that little bin," but after all,
they're not so much to blame. for some
''po' white" folks do so worship these
scions Of ante-bellum ancestors.
Your grandpa Qf you had one) may
have been a mighty good old gent, and
may have owned so many niggers that
bis plantation looked as black as a sheet
full OF heas. but after all, that oughtn't
20 Justify all this modern monkey busi-
ness. what's the good OF It, anyhow. II
you haven't got money! Lucre (alias
dough" wheels" "rocks." stamps"
"plunks," specie" "dust) IS the thing
that talks. You can go on forever,
R'hragging and a'blowng about your pro-
genitors and their blue-blood but all
that talk won't buy you behring's or sup
ply you with sufficient cabbage to keep
q child alive The people with money
ere the ones who have fun in this world
They don't Ave q continental whether
or not they ever had any pas aud mas,
for such considerations don't touch their
appeutes, or affect their thirst. When
they get ready 10 gouge into a sweet
potato pie, or TO carve q stuffed shoat,
they don't stop and worry because they
don't know who their ancestors were.
Not q bit Of IL. They sWoop down on that
pie and shoat and eat to beat the band,
and then, later, maybe-f they haven't
cot anything better to dO-they will stop
and give a minutes thought TO their
forefathers. Somebody or other said that
the aristOcracy are like pOtatOes-thg
hest part Of them is underground /
think IL was Mark Twain, who. when
visiting the Holy Land had the alleged
tomb Of Adam pointed out 10 him. lie
says that when he beheld the last rest
ing place OF this good gentleman, now so
numerOusly represented by grandchildren
Of all colOrs, he wept until his heart al
most broke. His grief al the demise Of
his relative was almost overwhelming.
Assu-edly, a man who weeps at Adams
death is hardly more ridiculous than
those ante-bellum turnips now run to
seed who turn up their noses at us plain
folks and sniff around at US as If we had
been eating onions. Let all Of us who
are needy seek TO avoid being reckoned
on the one hand as broken down aris-
tocracy." or. on the other, as ''pO' white
trash Let Us be good, pious, unpre-
tenLOUs citizens, never selling our votes
for less than S., and never refusing
DRINK hnnnrsen host has
gotten his grandpa's name.
Jerusalem. jumping, crlcketsl How we
do hate other folks children. When our
friends come TO see US, and bring their
diabolical horde Of squealing, squirming
squalllng brats. we are as cold as ice
externally; but internally we are like "a
bottle Of pent up beer-ready to burst
with Indignation. AS soon as we see
the beaming, youthful faces at our
Threshold, we force q mendacious
smile, and eXclaim IN tones Of hollow
glee: why. you've brought the little
ones. How glad we are TO see 'em. Kiss
me, Johnny. Come, hug me, Susie" and
words equally indicative OF a capacity
10 perjure ourselves.
All during the visit Of the adolescent
iiends we struggle 10 maintain brave
show Of conversation, but through the
corner Of our eyes we're keeping a
watch on the imps. We shlver with APP
prehensions when the destructive pests
become interested in our Royal Worces-
ter dinner-set, and vainly endeavor to
attract their attention elsewhere. we
delicately hint that there's a most at
tractive Shanghai rooster in the back
yard Cback-yards can't be destroyed by
brute force). and that he has a special
liking for children. We dwell on the
good traits Of character this rooster
exhibits; how cOnsiderate he is with the
lady ROSTERS, and all that. but it's use
less Your tale doesn't delude the juve-
nile demons. Nothing Will satisfy them
but the Royal Worcester dinner-set.
They hover around II like moth
around a lamp, only in that case IT'S
the moth that gets destroyed, whereas
in this you have a deadly apprehension
that it's going 10 be the dinner-set.
And during this period OF agonlzing
suspense the mother Of the sQuealing'
squirting. squalling fends Is placidly
Obvious Of their depredations and only
recalls them 10 sing their praises.
Just when you are bidding good-py 70
your tea-set. YOU have TO hear about
the precocity Of Johnny and the intel
lgence OF Susie: or of the resemblance
between the baby and its pa. You are
Wild with anxiety, and despairingly dis
tribute food among your tormentors,
only TO see IL scattered over your Brus-
sells carpet. You are forced. under
penalties worse than death, 10 solemniy
swear that you consider IL magnincent
Joke when the youthful vandals cafouse
on your bed, or thumb your plate-glass
mirrors. And when, with a deafenlnS
crash the dinner-set at last goes under,