The Wichita daily eagle., 1897-06-13
Victoria, Tom, John and Others

Victoria. Tom. John and others
His excellency the special ambassador
from Etat Cnis. WhitelaW Reid, swept into
the great chamber. Fore moment he uas
blinded by the mirrory confusion Of TIN
halls magnfflcencs. and his brain was %
thrilled with awe Mt the grandeur of The
occasion he fairly stumbled forward
through the nns Of reg2Ily clad attend
ants.
A moment later wnite,aw Reid stood b.
fore her royal highness. Queen Victoria.
She smiled Craciously upon him and then
shutting her mouth with . decision which
set her false teeth back into place with Q
cluck, she commanded Whstelad Red 10
speak:
Fair Queen" he said. Il bring . little
note from President McKinley-"
''Wto?" asked the queen
The president of the United StateA ]
hereby deliver 1t (Trumpets Without
Queen-{Uneasily). "Well?"
Mr.. Reid-''I have also . trade-iast sof
you"
Oueen-"Oh. no! A trade-lastr'
Attendants (As The sound Of q man let
ding down the port-cullis on . windlass Is
heard withoup-"Oh. no. A trade-iastr'
Echo down the cOrridor)-"Oh. no! A
The ambassador climbs close TO the
throne and bends to her ear eagerly whis-
perins the compliment).
The Queen-''Tut. Tut: Surely he I'D
not spread il on that thickl Oh! Ny! tn.
silly old thing: Do stop. Mr.. Reid! I'm
sure he doesn't mean it! Wait. How do
you spell his name? I must write him.
With one e?'
Reid-"with two. your sxceIlency. so-El-
double -e-de-wye."
(Fanfare of trumpets and discharge OF
fireworks. as the ambassador retires).
Now the irony Of IL all came back to
him as he sa; there IN his ONCE at nigh,
alone. and he arose angr:ly with q face
set against Fate. but sicksning sense OF
his own impotence shattered the resolu-
ton he had felt and he sank again into his
chair. merely O shadow OF that Tom An
derson who. three months ago, swung down
avenue In a way that made even
the horses bite of their blinds IN order to
see him the longer.
The poor man with pathetic spot OF red
stealing to his ashen cheek turned to a
picture Of President Mckinley and cried;
''Oh. Mac!'
He could not control himself and dropped
his head on his folded arms, Then he
arose with eyes blazing.
"Mace' he cried. why are you going
to do It? Am not your boyhood friend?
Is Cy? Did Cy ever whack you on your
little back at tag? Did Cy ever rescue you
from Jail In the gentle sport Of stink-base
Did Cy ever let you stain his face with wal
nut hulls and take forty I.ckings for It
when he got home? Did Cy ever carry
for absence to school for you that
we'll, Mac. you're president now-and
won't tell. but did Cy ever do 1t? Nit.
II will WRITE" he cried. Dear Mac
your boyhood days and appoint
me. Remember how faithful I've been
and give me the Job. Do II. Mac. Yours.
Tom. p. S. Mr.. Porter. private secre-
mark this letter personal
know that unless you say 30 Mckinley
will never get to see it. Show II to hin.
Please. please do"
He sent the letter. For weeks he waited
and then came an answer, signed by the
private secretary to the president. reading:
''The president being go busy. Mr.. Ander-
son. ! referred your letter 10 Mr.. Cy Le-
and. the national committeeman from your
state. He will certainly attend to THE
natter
And this is the fact in the case Of Tom
Anderson whose explosive death was said
TO have been caused by Q dose of dyna-
mite taken internally.
90
Scene-A farm in Kansas, with an old
farmer in the foreground and . dspper
gentleman with Burn-sides at his side. The
after Is book agent:
Book Agent-"Beg pardon, my dear sir.
,ut can 1 trouble you for a moment? aside:
He's Pop sure) My dear sir. Believing
hat you IN common with all fellow men
abiding on this terrestrial
'phere take legitimate and entirely praise
worthy interest in the affairs Of the nation
and the ills Of the body polite. take the
:berty. with that understanding. Of pre-
;enting you a little book here called the
Campaign Interrupterr Yes. sir, that's II.
rhe Campaign Interrupter.' at once SIR the
master stroke OF genius. the cheffdoover.
he Quintessence of political wisdom"
whats II forT' asked the farmer.
Listen, my friend. Suppose you at
end Republican meeting In the fall Of
sT and suppose an orator says things
which you know TO be untrue and which
'tir up your spirit with vexation. This
little book contains questions which you,
ire to shoot into him as Interruptions
do teilr"
"Yes. sir. Now suppose he goes to brag
'ins abou: Mckinley. rou Just up and
'ell." referring to tse first question in this
,ook, What about ssperity?"
Farmer Uaughing)-'That's pretty good.
suppose the orator goes to roasting Cleve-
and's foreign policy. what would say
henr'
Book Agent-'Here II ie. my man. Page
9 paragraph 8. Here you are. Jump up
md yell: Why Is Melton stin In prisonr
Farmer-"Well. that's q pretty slick
'ook. But say. am a Republican. and /
wouldn't interrupt our own fellows"
Book Agent twho 10 a liar)-"Of course
lot. Don't think I took you FOR Pop.
DON'T think can't tell q Pop when I see
ne OF course you aint Pop. Now. my
ear sir. that little book from which just
cad has a part second. and here Il IL. II
} a Jewel. Listen. Suppose q Pop orator
ays the railroads are gobbine the farmer.
ou cry: What ab0bt the maximum
reight rate bill?'
Suppose Pop orator says that honesty
J the best policy. you yell: What about
umper and Titus ev!dencer
Suppose Pop orator compliments Gov
rnor Lee6y as a man of determination
ou yell: Why don't he catch Boyd?'
- and says that Leedy is the pride Of
ne state, you cry: Didn't PETER say he
'as ashamed OF Leedy7'
- and that Leedy has carried GU; bis
ath. you well: did he promise 70 enforce
II laws Ia his osthr
- and that Leedy vas the peoples hired
ian. you yell: DO hired mea spend most
{ their time IN Te-.yr"
Farmer-"Gosh"'
Book Ageu,-'Yes. sir; that . al on one
age. page six. and tsere are two hundred
nj eleven pages IN the whole book. and :;
cts better every minute Price 81
Farmer-Cofne ~ 10 the house. ! must