davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
BROTHERLY SARCASM.
One Lawyer Suggests to Another the
Mistake He Hadc.

Mistake He daOcs
Down in a Virginia town there lives
lawyer. one Major, Blank, who Is powerful
ly disliked by all the other lawyers i'll the
place. So strong is this antagonism to the
major that the other lawyers will not even
have an Office in the same building with
him. In the same town is ID former judge,
who is so good -naturei that he will even
be on terms with the unpopular major.
Recently it happened that the Judge gave
up his offices Just across the hall from a
law firm, and the major hearing of it
slipped in and rented them before anybody
else had a chance at them. When the firm
across the hall heard of it they showed
their appreciation of the major by giving
him $50 not to move in as their neighbor.
way. but that was exactly what they
meant.
Then the Judge met the major.
Il got fifty dollars for my bargain,
judge" said the major, who didn't see the
point at all.
$50 heard so 1 heard" responded the
Judge, as If he were not pleased to death
with the majors luck land I'm sorry to
hear it. I always knew you had a great
head for fine financial transactions, major,
but you missed it badly this time
Missed it?" exclaimed the major, in
much surprise. How do you mean?'
cheap. You could have got twice as much
If you had held out for it," and as the
judge rubbed his hands unctuously the
major began to regret that he had put his
figures so lev, but he never suspected the
judge.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
FooLsCAP PAPER.
Was First Made by Order of the Rump
Parliament.

Parliament.
Nearly everybody knows what 'foolscap'
PAPER is. but there probably few peo-
pie who know just how it came to bear
that NAME" said large wholesale station
er in New York to the writer yesterday.
I'm order to increase his revenues Charles
1 of England granted certain privileges
amounting to monopolies, and among these
was the manufacture of writing paper, the
exclusive right Of which was sold to GER
tain parties, who grew wealthy and en-
riched the government at the expense OF
those who were obliged to use such paper.
At that time all English paper bore the
royal coat-of-arms in water marks. But
when the parliament under Cromwell came
into power it made sport of this law in
every possible manner, and among other
fndignities to the memory Of Charles 1t was
ordered that the royal arms be removed
from the paper, and that FOOLS cap and
bells should be used as substitute. When
the Rump parliament was prorogued these
were also removed; but paper of the size
Of the parliamentary journals, which is
usually seventeen by fourteen inches, still
hears the name of foolscap in England.
In this country foolscap was used large
ly by lawyers, writers and other profession
al men for copying purposes until few
years after the civil war, when a smaller
single sheet OF paper, known as legal cap,
was introduced. Then came the typewrit-
ing machines, requiring the manufacture
of paper of suitable size for copying, and
today there Is very little demand for FOOLS
cap outside of. a few school rooms.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

Written for The Evening Star
The Lightnfng.
Mistuh Lecturissity way up in de cloud,
reckon you'd break loose an git me eff you
was allowed!
Wonduh how de city-folks keeps Twin dat
away,
frshin' froo de week. like ebry day was
mahket day?
wires ev'y whah to furnish him an easy
road
hiies ne goes a-rummagin', all ready to
explode!
u rathuh live way OF some place an
watch i'm in de sky,
"han Mistuh Lecturissity can't ketch me
eff he try.
l knows 1 doesn' STAN ont as r,.,, -,
special note,
but dc eagie-hunter sometimes shoots do
blackbird. jes' fob spoht.
AN IT'S as like as not dat he'll pick OH.
some no-count scamp
An chase i'm wifi street-car or else burn
I'm VIII lamp
So Whah's de. use O. resks, when FUN M.
cabin. day by day,
KIN see de storms a-gatherin' or kin
watch &c sun-beams play?
"a caoin whah no wires comes a-circulatin.
by,
"hah Mistuh Lecturissity can't ketch me
eff he try!
is nyuhd de white folks tellin' dat he hens
EN- out heap;
But all de hep he GIBBS 'em dey is welcome
fob ter keep.
On peaceful, gentle faces 1 has seen de
paleness spread
De minute aftuh readin' wiut de telegram
done said.
Use seen de people tremblin' like dey done
took sudden-sick
When de sheen'ry in de corner gun ter
cough aroun' an click
So, rs content to live wifi muffin but de
wild-brcs nigh,
Whah Mistuh Lecturissity can't ketch me
eff he try!
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
IN A YEAR S READING

How many volumes can a man read in
the course of a year?" was the question
recently put by a Star reporter to gentle
man whose time is largely employed as a
book reviewer on sppe of the leading maya
zines. sH
We'll" SAID thesentleman. pointing to a
row OF book @theFe is collected edition
of the English poey The work only comes
down to Cowper. gho died in 1880. but it
comprises twenty-five volumes royal Svo.
double eoiunlh small type. Each volume
averages 70OSpagsA This gives total Of
Il. 700 pages@ or g. 400 columns. Now it
takesI have made the experimentation
minutes to read aScofumn of such matter
with fair attention. Here, then, is good
years work in reading over, only once,
carefully, selection from the English
poets.
1.-THE amount OF reading, however, which
a student can get through In given time
hardly admits of being measured. The rate
OF reading varies with the interest one
takes in the subject matter Of book. In
other words, page OF Kauts Oatlque OF
Pure Reason requires proportionally more
thorough attention than the latest work OF
fiction. Still, just to have something to go
by, 1t will be found pretty accurate to make
calculation like this: Suppose Iaan to
be able to read eight hours a. day. No one
can really give his receptive or critical at
tention to printed matter for eight hours
regularly every day. But take eight hours
as the outside possibility. Thirty pages
Svo is an average hours read, taking ere
book with another. This would make 24O
pages per day, 1,6S0 per week and $3.50
pages in the year. Taking the average
thickness of an svo volume as 100 pages
only, the quantity OF reading matter which
an intelligent student can get over in a
year Is no more than an amount equal to
about 220 volumes Svo OF course, this Is
merely a mechanical computation by which
would not pretend to gauge the reading
capacity of the average student. But it
may be interesting to know that the merely
mechanical limit of study is some 30 vol
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
Cake Walk Once u Wedding.

1roin Tue Ne" orleans Times Democrat.
The cake walk proper had its origin
among the French negroes of Louisiana
more than century ago. There is little
doubt that it is an offshoot of some of the
old French country dances. 1t resembles
several of them in form. From New Or
leans 1t spread over the entire south. and
thence north. 1t was found of convenience
10 the plantation negroes. They were not
welded by license, and it was seldom that
the services of preacher were called in
AT cake walk man might legitimateIy
show his preference for woman. and thus
publicly claim her for wife, In effect
the cake walk was not different from the
old Scotch marriage. which required only
public acknowledgment from the contract
ing parties. So this festival became in
some sense wooing, an acceptance or
rejection and a ceremony. This EXPLAINS
it's popularity with the blacks, outside of
its beauties, with the accompaniment of
music, which is competent at all times to
command negro support. Cake walking
has improved, as do most things that are
constantly practiced. 1t has lost its old
siSnificar ce in the south. Negroes now rat
married in white folks fashion 1t has he
come. however, a pantomime dance. Proc
erly performed it is a beautiful one. The
cake is not much of a prize, though the
regro has a sweet tooth.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
Literary Value of wickedness.

From the Literary Digest.
That the villain Of a play or a story Is
generally the most interesting character in
1t has been discovered by most readers at
an early period of life. Charles Leonard
Moore In commenting upon literary values
IN general. after references to the literary
value OF style, of invention, Of observation
ana or enthusiasm in ones own creations,
turns aside for a moment to mark the i'm
portant part assigned in fiction to wicked
Mesa subject. one may remark in pass
ing. that would afford ample material for
much more than the incidental treatment
which he gives it. We quote from his arti-
Gle in the Dial:
The fact that an author has enjoyed a
character is one test Of its reality. Jane
Austen evidently delighted In her curates.
whereas Charlotte Bronte half hated and
wholly despised hers. The difference is
felt There is hardly any one in Shakes
peare's world-villains, criminals or fools
inciuded-whom he did not evidently love,
hardly any one against whom he would
nave been willing TO draw an indictment
1t IS curious, indeed, that wickedness
and weakness force themselves to the
front as the protagonists of almost every
orama- Great literature Is the biography
OF criminals and fools. Average morality
and average intelligence are not the stuff
out or which to create characters that will
interest. Evil, indeed. seems to be the en-
srgetic force of the universe, and is the
cause OF the obstacles and collisions from
which events spring. Every great crea tive
peet Is Manichean. In spite of himself.
Milton was forced to make the devil his
nero; and Richardson was shocked to dis
cover that his Lovelace was a most at
tractiye monster. The populace are willing
TO pay for crime. Nothing sells a news.
paper like murder. Even in the natural
world. those lurid villains of nature 3
meiodrama. the lightning and the storm,
get infinitely more spectators than the
milder and beneficent agencies of sunlight
and dew. Goethe said that he had learned
from Polygnotus that our business on this
eartn was to enact hell. Except Poe and
Hawthorne. no American writer has ever
had any suspicion Of this fact Ever since
that adventure in BOSTON harbor, there has
been flavor Of tea In all New England
literature"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
SIDEWALK PHILOSOPHY.
A Sure Way of Determining the
Beauty of n Woman.

Beauty of Woman.
A Star reporter was walking down Penn
sylvania avenue the other afternoon with
a friend. The latter was a close observer,
an all-around philosopher and logician. He
is something of Conan Doyle in the way
with which he reasons out his deductions.
It Is very seldom, too, that he fails to land
on the solar plexus in this respect.
A fne-lookiRg lady was walking down
the avenue in front of the two pedestrians
The lady had a good figure, was we'll dress
ed and from the distance of probably fifty
feet which interviewed between the two
men and the supposedly beautiful lady she
might have been taken for a Diana.
"fll wager the mysterious female is as
beautiful as Venus and as lovely as Aphro-
dite,' said the newspaper man to the other
Make it a half dozen choice cigars and
I'll so you." said the other. Far from be-
ing pretty, am positive that she is abso-
lutely homely.
That's a Co." said the reporter. and
AXE the lady. who had been walking ahead
OF them for probably a block. AS she was
passed the plotters turned and looked at
her; in such a manner, however, as not to
disconcert her, and then passed on. The
reporter acknowledged that he had lost
without attempting in the least to save his
bet. There was use. for the lady was
really ugly, there was no doubt about that
She was terribly plain, and the difference
between the appearance of her face and
what might have been expected from her
hgure and general makeup was surprising
If you'll give ME the secret by which
you found that out will throw in another
half dozen cigars is what the newspaper
man told his friend.
That's the easiest thing in the world, if
you just tumble to the fact once" said the
other. If you had noticed, as did, that
although several men passed the lady. COM
ing IN our direction, not one of them took
the trouble to more than glance at her
Some of them did not look at her at all. If
she had been good-looking these men would
nave given her more than glance. If she
had been pretty they would have let their
eyes rest upon her at least until she had
gotten past them. If she had been as beau
tiful as you imagined they would have
turned their heads to look at her 1 noted
this, and made my bet on this conclusion
Just try it yourself, and you will see that
/ am correct
The experiment was tried during fur
ther walk down the avenue, and it was
found that the idea PANIED out exactly.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
A Crop Failure.

Whuts this here administration ,-do,,,
iur me!' inquired Farmer Corntossel .,rau
me tnat- Whur's all that thur prosner;tv
DIS was goin' to come a-saflin' in on me an.
make me git out from under fur fear q.
situn rich an haughty?"
haven't you prospered?" incurred bis
relative from the city. ans
Prospered! All I've got show f,,r .,o
summer poarders We tuck in is two tennis
oiazers an a sea-grass hammock. Snent
inc money fur repairs long ago.
But you surely have no cause to oor,-
pam OF the money you are getting for vour
crops'' wi 'oui
amt gittin' no money fur no crons q"
why, my dear sir, wheat went nm,
Il know all about that. But it didn't do
me no good" NuA oo
You don't mean to tell me that crons
We're failure?' eiops
mats about the size of IT.,
mere must have been some pecu,;ar
. .p condition to produce that result. was
there drouth?' ~"
Nope"
"Rain?"
Nope"
'Insects?"
Nope"
What could have been the troubIeor
Wei, to tell you the truth, didn't nlant
none" pA0'i'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

do You mean to tell me that you permit
yourself to be robbed without making any
protest whatever"
Yes. | feel that it is my duty not to in
tefiere. You see. all the books outside
there are of a wholly innocuous cbaractar
some OF them are Instructive and the ma
Jorlty are calculated to exert a wholesome
moral influence. That's why We have to
put put tnem where the lowness of the price
VIII a.tract attention. If that woman
wanted one Of those books badly enough
70 purloin 1t. 1 wouldn't raise a hand on.
ore breathe syllable to stop her. She NAV
i inn something In it which will be the turn,
'''s punt 'hat leads her to better life''
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

did you see that
woman y" inquired
the customer.
Yes" replied the
bookseller. prepar-
ing to light his pipe.
THAT well-dressed
woman vii b the
large cape?"
"Yes!"
THE one who
glanced hurriedIy
around, and when
she thought no one
saw her showed a
book under her cane
and walked away
with it?"
But you didn't saw
anything"
:Nn y,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

From Life.

Between fifty and fifty thousand con-
temporary Americans are golf-mad. There
is no doubt about the prevalence of the
mania, but the number of the afflicted is
hard to estimate. 1t is case like that of
the three little pigs. who jumped about
so much that the child could not count
them. The golfacs, who are far gone In
their delusion. struggle about SO and en- ioy
such vast publicity that they seem an
army. whereas 1t may be they are only
a squad.
Golf can't last at the pace 1t is going now.
It ought to be squelched in the interest of
its own permanency. =
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

ambition strives honestly. and in which
fope laughs at failures: in which ideals
of the imagination II not of substance
abound; where comradeship is frank and
unseiiish. and where faults may be for
gwen because of the greater virtues linked
about them.
1t was this kind of a Bohemia that Will
lie pictured to himself. He resolved to en-
ter 1t. IL possible, and having heard that
iSohemians do not usually have much
money at time, he made a practice of
having his friends introduce him to any,
body they knew who looked especially i'm
pecunfous. Having thus secured an extern
sive. seedy acquaintance. II was only neces-
sary to separate the frugal millionaires
from the people who lived from hand to
mouth.
He gathered about him one man who said
re was an actor, another VINO said he vas
an artist and others who described them
selves variously.
"Ah, yes" said the alleged actor TO
whom Willie had preached the subject of
Bohemianism. 1T is hard thing 20 Gull
tiVate. man must be born a Bohemian,
you know. There are very few people fit
ted Tor q companionship in which sordid
considerations count for naught. Very few
Fave The temperament which enables them
10 get away from the mercantile realities
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
saueaked osee Too Often.
rom Snare Moments. q


Maccabe, the venariloquist. was great
on board a river steamboat, and. having
made friends with the engineer, was al
lowed the freedom Of the engine room.
Presently certain part of the machinery
began to creak. The engineer oiled IT and
went about his duties. In the course Of 4
few minutes the creaking was heard again.
and the engineer rushed over, oil can "a
hand. to lubricate the same crank.
Again he resumed his post. but II Was
only few minutes before the same ola
crank was creakinE louder than ever.
Great Jupiter!' he yelled, ssthe things
bewitched." -
More oil was administered. but the am,
gineer began to smell rat. Pretty snor
the crank squeaked again. when, slippinx
Up behind Maccabe, he sdnirfed half q y.s,,s
OF oil down the joker's back.
There" said he. II guess that CRANK
wont squeak any mora.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
Joke on the Dogs.
From the Detroit Free Press.

The nan who was doing the talking has
endured a good many hard knocks while
making a successful way through the
world, and, like most persons who have
survived such experience. has very de-
cided opinions Of his own. 1--WE always
regarded women as the weaker vessel
he said, but want to say right here that
Mrs. Sims is a very remarkable person
l don't believe she could tell a Peraheron
from Kentucky thoroughbred, yet 1 saw
her start a balky horse the other day
after twenty men and boys had been beat
ing, kicking and cursing the poor brute for
half an hour. The persuasion she used
was couple of Jumps of sugar and a few
kind words.
But ii was just yesterday that she con-
WINGED me of her great superiority. You
can gauge her knowledge of dogs from the
fact that she paid s. for Il long haired
mongrel puppy under the impression that
she was buying an aristocratic pug Sims
has a bull terrie. that's n professional
fighter, and Torton. who lives next door,
owns big st. Bernard. The two dogs
began an argument through the fence,
and the larger one simplified matters by
crashing through a board into Sims yard.
The whole neighborhood was soon engaged
in an effort to part them. Strong hands
tugged at tails, legs and ears. Clubs were
freely used, water was dashed upon the
belligerents and the stern orders for them
to break away could be heard blocks or
When Mrs. Sims appeared on the scene
she seemed to grasp the situation in one
terrified glance. She flew into the house.
dashed out again, and inside of a minute
had the savage fighters Sinking away from
each other"
How did she do 1t
Bottle of ammonia. Surest thing on
earth to break up a dog fight, and it's
original with her. hy. those two terrible
beasts quit like petsheep, and the Joke of
it is that each doe thinks the other adj
ministered the awful Dose They never see
each other now thas they do not curl their
noses as though smiling ammonia, and trot
briskly in opposite directions
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

His Heart Failed Him.

ct reckon We may think it strange" said
Meandering Mike. but I'm in favor of not
follerin' this road any furder."
Mike" said Flooding Pete, reproach-
fully, Il never tuck We for gutter
"Dere's some tings ASH spoil de nerve OF
de bravest."
But If we turn around an go back we'u
pass all dem houses where dey turned us
away"
IT know it."
I'VE went stand no better show dis time
dan we did de fust. You know dey even
lat ghed at us when We asked 'em for
work"
Il know it, 1t wus a dangerous bluff to
make, but 1t seems like felix's is gettin' to
expect it,
''we'u try jes de mex house,
NO, SIR" replied Mike. I'VE can't drag
me past de place. much less make me go I'm
an have any talk"
Ibid We see any marks on de gate post
dat scared YEP
mo. I'm almost ashamed to tell We.
But a man dat looked an acted like he
owned de place passed us minute ago
an went in de front gate / heard q
woman call him by his fust name"
'Whut CT itT'
at skeered me on"
jes' from hearin' a mans fust name"
II do. 1t may look to yer like supersti-
ton. But soon I heard 1t felt de
cold chills run up an down me back like
was havin' q presentiment of evil"
What name was 1t de woman called
him?'
Hiram"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
A PhilOsOpher,

The man who keeps a secondhand book
store utterly failed to sympathize with the.
excitement of the customer who had been
looking over his stock.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

Argument.
Used to have some big debates.
Settin' round the store:
Both the men was heavyweights
An Lad met before.
Talked bout politicians games.
Wrath too great to smother.
Rig, an Jake called Joshua names
An Josh says, You're another"
Useter Jes' git middlin' riled
In their tariff talkin'
Silver found their tempers spilled:
Left 'em both a-balkin'.
An, while each the victory claims.
Arguments seemed rutker
Mixed, when Jake called Joshua names.
An Josh says, You're another"
Sometimes bigger men than they,
When campaigns is warmin'.
Try to sum 1t up an say
luther needs reformin'
But, towards fact. though each one blames.
They don't git much fu'ther
N them. when Jake calls Joshua namea
An Josh says. You're another"
i
Being y Bohemian.
Some poet wrote.
q rather live In Bohemia
Than any other land"
Willie Washington read the poem and was
much Impressed thereby. A gentle grief
arose within him at the thought that he
had been born into sphere of afiuence
which might make real Bohemianism i'm
possible to him. Nor did he understand that
the word. like charity IL used to cover
multitude OF sins: that It ID pounced upon
oy every person who has by any means
rendered himself ineligible to desirable as
ISOLATION and offered a. picturesque PAL
iiation Tor indiherence to every sort of law
from the Ten commandments to the police
reEuiatons. There was but one Bohemia
to Wnlie's mind; the ideal Bohemia, which
= after an IT, ssal; he Bohenfs n no
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06
Attractive.

From the Boston Traveller
She-'So he married her for her money!
He-"Yes"
She (thoughtfully)-"How awfully rich
she must ber'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1897-11-06

naughty boy. Tommy. telling q fib nks
that! ! never told fibs when I was q little
boy!"
Impenitent son-"when did you begin,