Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-05-20

tests and Yarns bv Funny Men Of the
Press.

Press.
HOW WE TALK.
ibid the committee sit today"
Eyes, Sir"
'.Do you know how It stood?"
THE FLlPPANr GIRL.
''Womanl" said he bitterly, 'you have
q heart Of ice."
II think It very bad taste" said the
aippant girl. poutingly, 'to compare ones
thorax to refrigerator.
TRANSPARENT.
Teacher-We call a thing transparent
when we can see through 1t. Who can
name such thing?
Peter-A ladder
HE MUSTN'T TELL
She (after giving him kiss)-You
mustn't tell anyone.
He-Why!
"Oh. l don't know. I'd rather give
you another than have you tell"
HAD CAUSE.
Irene What's the matter with you and
George? haven't seen him in the act
OF worshiping you for nearly week.
Maud-He's jealous of my new 1897
bicycle.
BRAVE BOWMAN.
OF persistence on your part to learn to
play the violin so well.
He-lt did. l had to 60 constantly
armed for five years.
ALL RIGHT, THERE.
Don't you hate to run across mans
signature that you can't read ?"
sometimes"
.EhY"
Doesn't matter II it's on tho end Of a
check"
A CLOSE RACE.
Papa So Emily stands at the head of
her class in French.
Mamma: Yes. She and another girl
were exactly even in the written examina-
tons. but it was decided that Emily
shrugged her shoulders more correctly.
KRRNLY REALIZED.
Chow time flies as one gets older!"
Eyes; when was clerk on salary the
does now that am in business with notes
to meet"
THE COMPLETE ANGLER.
Whats a fishing rod?"
''lt's handsome jopted arrangement
your father holds out over the water"
Whats fishing pole?"
ats long wooden stick your Uncle
Bill catches fish with"
RESTLESS BOYS REASON.
L. 81. u n
Tommie, forcibly.
why, Tommie dear?" asked his
father.
''So's can talk in church," said Tom
mic"
CHILD IMPULSES.
1T is the nature of a child to be want
ing TO do something" said the enthusiast
tic Kindergarten.
las far as | have noticed" said the
mother of six, lit is the nature of a child
to be wanting to do something else"
ANY OLD THING.
Practical Father want to buy
watch for my boy-the cheapest you
have.
Honest Dealer-Pm afraid can't
warrant the cheap ones to keep very good
time.
Practical Father-Oh, that doesn't
matter. just make ii so that he can open
the back of the case.
THRIFT HERE AND THERE.
"There's one thing to be said of u.s.
remarked the native of England; I'VE
certainly do not worship the almighty
dollar as some Americans do"
NO; replied the young man whose
family is going to the jubilee; mot until
1t has been changed into shillings and
pence"
FATHERLY PRIDE.
"Young Joycy seems to think that new
baby of his about the most important
creature now IN the flesh"
II guess so. he insisted on paying
full fare for 1t when they came on here
from New York"
MONEY ENOUGH.
Agent--'Here is book, sir, every
gentleman ought to have-'Hints on
Architecture
Mr. Smalpurse-'T have no use for it,"
''But sir. it teaches you how to build
q beautiful villa, regular little palace,
for only five thousand dollars.
Il haven't five thousand dollars. I
haven't over five dollars to my name"
swell, the book is only one dollar"
REMAINED TO BIZ SEEN.
Hey" shouted the policeman, as the
scorcher whizzed by and failed to slow
up at the corner, 'ain't you riding rather
more than eight miles an hour young
man ?"
Don't know" howled the scorcher
over his shoulder, IL haven't ridden an
hour yet"