The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1897-10-09
AN ARTIST At NEIHART.
A Lesson in Painting Given Free TO
Each Subscriber. Whether Delin-
quent, or Paid 10 Years Ahead.
EXPERIENCE OF A PAINTER.
Infused with the Blood of the Ange-
los and San Raphaels.

n interesting articles in your paper, |
thought | would write for the edifica-
ton of your readers a few of my expert
ences in the avenues of life. | never be-
fore felt so deeply my importance in the
world of men-and woman-and | must
apologize to you and the rest for not
having planted my intellectual torch up
on the top end of a fish pole long ago,
In a few words | wish to explain all |
know about painting roofs, an art which
has puzzled the sages, philosophers and
masters ever since King Solomon
stretched a sheet of corrugated iron or
asbestos roofing (history fails to state
which) over the great boss-filled, IA car
at gold plated temple. Even Noah in
the ark learned that a leak in the roof
was especially noticeable whenever it
rained and soon found it convenient to
move his aquaria and a%mphibious rep
tiles over to that side of the vessel.
Had Noah lived in the days of armed
cruisers and battle ships, when the dory
and smack have gone the way of the vi
kings canoe, he could have got a tip on
ship building which would have made
easier the arranging and balancing of
his mammoth m%enagerie.
But to resume. l painted the roof of
the HERALD office this week. This
much in a two line camp note would be
sufficient mention were it not for the
multitude of valuable suggestions and
tales which thereby hang. Lest some of
the smart Alexis of this town should
question my authority upon art in oil,
| will submit a few credentials which
| calculate "a good Missouri word) will
etfectually terminate their op%probrious
cogitations and close the noisome
trumpets of their faces.
There is artistic blood in my left ven
tricle. I am a lineal descendant of
BENZ. West who slung as nasty a brush
as Michael Angelo. The reader will re-
member that West though a Pennsylva-
nian, was made painter laureate to King
George Ill, and while in London painted
all the royal mugs and funkeys around
the premises. So satisfactory was his
work to the Rex Del gratia, that when
his coronated nibs had all the portraits
the walls of the palace would hold, he
set Prof. West to work, doing the gar.
den wall in water colors. The professor
was more accustomed to doing things il
oil-fusil oil. And, sad to relate, it was
over the garden wall my great, great
great uncle Ben got his official 2X4, his
royal q%uietus, and he took leg bail fol
America, lodging a torrent of mingled
brick-bats and royal opprobrium. Tht
masterful painter took his leave of cour
life, also taking several jewels and peck
ct books which the courtly danes haC
left lying about.
My grandfather was an adept at Whit
washing fences, and those who saw hi
work say that it compares favorabl,
with that of the masters.
My uncle on my mothers side was al
interior decorator, frescoing ceiling
with burnt sienna, and floors with to
baccO juice. May his spirit rest il
peace. One day while daubing "A cell
ing with alabastine he carelessly got hi
of his face, lost his balance, fell an
broke his neck. This story is a sa'
warning to all who use %boycotted tobac
co. Young man, turn from the error o
your way, and chew Star plug.
My brother early evinccd a taste TO
the heavenly art. He tasted everythin
with his palette. When only eightee
years of age he started out sinslehande
to paint a whole town. He was immC
lated by the cops, who said they did nc
object to the incompleteness of the jol
but 70 the ruby tinge he insisted upo
giving the general effect.
My sisters never painted their cheeks
yet nobody ever attributed the fact to
lack Of talent in that line. And it Ina
= even been found that the volume of con
; plexion flour and epidermeous dope use
by a modern belle bears no direct reli
ton to the thickness of her inte1lcctu;
dome, or to the quantity Of pumpki
: juice on her cerebellum.
With NJ sense Of Boosting, | claim t
possess the blood of painters, the ped
greed, simon-pure brains of genius, whic
u in the perfect man (such as myself) al
born, not made. | love to muse upon til
finer delineations of the old masters, an
t dwell for hours upon the mysteriol
touch of an eminent artists brush. Give
= a No. 2, Little Daisy" Montana mac
a broom, and about 1,500 square Feet
tin roof, / can smear on more WACO
dope or sesqui-oxide ferri and boiled 0
} per hour than any other man in tow
Y age, weight and appetite being equa
The best critics who have witnessed n