The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-06-30
HUMoR OF THE DAY.

Lie.
Weather. -beaten-The Signal Service
forecasts.
'"This is surely a cribbed joke.
Eyes; but it must be in its second
childhood. Yale Record.
MacE-"What is your idea of per-
feet womanP" Wyld-"Oue- whS-
acknowledges her faults. Puck.
'T hear young Nollekins has gone
into the sculpterin' business" Eyes;
but he don't cut much of fgger."
Mack--"Why are the Bijou Flats in
such demand?" Wyld-"There isn't
a room large enough to get piano in"
Puck
Teaeher-"P plato, what is farmP"
Plato-"A farm, sir, is a body of land
entirely surrounded by fence. -
Judge.
Barber-"What will you have on
your face, sir?" Customer (faintly)-
"Erysipelas. 1 think; it feels thai
way. Judge.
"What towards these men arei
Here am forty years old, and no one
has had the courage topropose to mel"
-Fliegende Blaetter.
The Caunibal al-''You. are sweet
enough TO eat" His Wife-"nDuv he li.s
doctor said you must not eat sweet
things. Texas Siftings.
"Don't you think your son little
fast, Mrs. Sweetly?" Ear from it.
Heis so slow that we can never get him
to breakfast before noon. Detroit
Free Press.
City Nephew-''Tve got a couple
tickets for tomorrow night; but all the
orchestra seats had been sold" Uncle
Josh-''Do tell Will the orchestra
have TO stand up?"-Puck.
Cripple-'Excuse me, sir, but !
have lost both my legs" Passer-by
passing by)--"So sorry. Haven't
seen anything of them. Try at police
headquarters. standard.
Mother-"Dear mel The baby has
swallowed that piece of worsted"
Father--'"That's nothing to the yarns
she'll have to swallow if she lives to
grow up. "--London Tit-Bits.
"Maria," said John, yvu must be
going to have fearfully big bird on
your bonnet" "Why?" asked Maria.
81 judged from the size of the bill, "
said John, quietly, - Harper's Bazaar.
sold Gotrox said he got rich by
saving what other people threw away"
ooh, yes. Did he also state that any.
thing not nailed down he considered
as thrown away?"-mdianapolis Jour
nal.
Lightlove--"Atlast, dear Sophia, We
are alone and can tell you that
10" Sophia--"Oh, please, no--Mr.
Lightlove, don't tell me here" Light.
love--"Why not? There are no wit
nesses." Sophia---"That's just It'll"
Chips.
Wife (hysterioally)-'I am sure ]
cannot be mistaken. Four times in
his sleep he has cried out that he put
it in the corner pocket. Can it be that
he lost it afterward, or is he intention.
ally deceiying me in his sleep?"-
Judge.
'"There are men," said the cactus
philosopher, $50 enterprising that they
do business in q dead calm. Now j
know a man who advertised for intend.
ing suicides, so that he could get
them to buy pistols from his hardware
store, Washington Times.
Mrs. Seldom Singell- Thanks,
Jack; but it wouldn't look well for me
to dance. lost my husband to-day"
Jack-"Divorce?" Mrs. Seldom Sing.
ell-''No; a real, genuine death. That's
honest. have the undertaker's ce
tificate in my pocket. Judge.
One day malicious person said TO
Alexander Dumas fills: "You father was
mulatto, was he not?" Dumas re-
piled; eyes, sir, my father was a mu.
latto, my grandfather an African and
my great grandfather monkey. My
genealogy begins where yours ends.
Standard
$50 you say" began the moderately
new boarder, "that he speculated ON
large scale exclusively May L inquire
what was the use of the large scale?"
"Glad to answer YOU" replied the
Cheerful idiot. "He had to have il
for weighing the consequences. In.
dianapolis Journal,
"Helpl helpl" cried tho drowning
man. II am drowningp' 'Jovel
What an opportunity" cried the re-
porter. Quick! tell me- your sensa-
tions, and I'll give you Il sendoif in
next Sundays paper" But il was too
late; the man had gone down for tho
third time. -Harper's Bazaar.