Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1897-03-25

!ll|'s||'Ef3 zd1p tsa'sls ns soas. sns '-1ais HIS
visible reward for long days OF labor
and nights of walking the floor with
teething baby, is an epitaph he can't
read aud tombstone he don't want.
In the first of the seven ages OF man
he's licked in the last he's neglected,
and in all the others he's target tor
the lying, meddlesome mischief-maker.
a woman who won't tend to her own
business. If he does not marry his
first love he'll always wish he had, and
if he does he'll always wish he hadn't.
Yet no man ever follows freedoms flag
for patriotism (and pension) with halt
the enthusiasm that he will trail the red,
white and blue that constitutes the ban
ner Of female beauty. He will brave
the lion in his den, face the booming
cannon, tread the ocean foam beneath
bis feet and yet will tremble like half
frozen egg sucking dog when called to
account by his wife for some of his
cussedness. He goes forth In the morn
ing to pillow cron with a cross eyed mule
and roam steer,. works hard all day
and comes home at night to find his
seven half clothed children hungry as
bears and no bread in the house, and
his wife over to one of the nelghbors to
borrow a hat to wear to church social.
He pores his trouble intothe ear of
passing acquaintance instead of keeping
it for home consumption, insistding
woman was made for. his own special
benefit; that the Sun was made to- give
him light by day and the moon to ena-
bic him 10 find his way home after lodge
at night without the aid of the hoodlum
wagon, and his wife to help him find the
KEY hole. Man wears silk hat and
no socks, is bedecked with diamonds,
and IS in debt to the butcher for the
meat on his bones. Pays dollar
pint for bug. juice, which if it was plac-
ed out on the sidewalk in barrel, with
a tin cup tied to it, he could not be
hauled up to it and forced to drink a cup
full of it with a team of oxen and log
chain. If he puts five dollar bill in
the contribution box he will flourish it
around until all can see it, but If he
drops a measly nickel into the slot to
get little grace, he lets not his right
hand know what his left hand doeth. He
goes to church and gives in his testl-
mony-claims he has read his title
clear to mansions in the sky, holds a
lien on a corner lot in the new Jerusa-
lem-and wears face that would ditch
a freight train or stop a clock. Claims
there is better land beyond the grave
vet moves heaven and earth to keep
from going to it so long AS he can help
it. Claims that woman is the "weaker
vessel yet she can break the best OF
them if given half a chance. Man
mortgages his farm for money to buy a
new house. a bicycle. a pair of kid
gloves, a gun or yellow dog, then sits
up nights to think of language mean
enough to hurl at the bloated money
loaner just because the mortgage comes
due. Man breaches prohibition in pub
lie and payy court to gallon jug of corn
juice in private, damms the saloon at
home and sits up all night with it when
abroad Man who would starve but
for the industry of his wife or the time
ly assistance of mother -in-law, and who
couldn't be trusted to wean calf car
tell you all about managing the finance
of the country. By the time he learns
how to live and enjoy life, death makes
jab at him with his harvest sickle oI
the rheumatism and he returns to dust.
Old, But it Goes.
An exchange tells this story on MARI