davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
MARSHALL P. WILDER.
A Sketch of the Little Humorist as Writ
ten by Himself.

A Sketch of the Little Humorist as Writ
ten by Himself.
was born nino years after Bill Nye.
in the state of New York. AT one year
I made kick, and my father moved me
from out of the state into the CITY Of
New York. My father, being a physi-s
clan, later took me to Hartford for my
health, where began to laugh and
grow fat. I have been laughing ever
since.
My first partner i'll the funny business
was the red headed son Of the jailer in
Hartford. He played Buffalo Bill-the
only one who ever played the part with
red hair, but that was his conception of
it. We made money. Our stage was the
scaffold, which was kept in the garrett,
except when there was hanging, when
we took off the play.
On returning to New York city, I
found myself without the red headed
friend and without means. Fora time
buried my talent in Bradstreet's
agency as file boy at SO per week. 1
mixed in SO many jokes with my work
that the letters didn't read seriously
enough. Then went to England and
waited for things to come my way.
They came in a walk, while the $40 I
had left kept going in q trot. found
that living i'll n small hall bedroom
made me narrow minded, so I staid ont
in the park several nights to give my
self room, as we'll as to air my repertoy.
concluded it was weak in mo to bury
my gifts simply because 1 was in hard
luck, so L began series of free enter
tainments and became so popular that
began taking three cups of coffee day,
instead of one, as heretofore.
Among those who took advantage of
the cheap prices was the Prince of
Wales. 1t cost him nothing to laugh, so
he laughed. Several people wanted to
know what he was laughing at. He re-
piled, "That." had told joke about
the mother-in-law which struck the
lost chord i'll the PRINCES heart and
woke up 4 responsive, sympathetic pang.
have been charging all could get for
my services ever since. Being Repub-
lican, struck myself off the free list,
as no longer consider myself raw ma
terial.
For several years now have been in
this city, am known by nearly all the
street car drivers. who never fail to hunt
me up before get off,
My family consists of my father,
whose constant, patient companion am.
In retaliation for my gags" he prac-
tees daily his school of homeopathy
OH me. 1t is hard 70 tell which gets the
worst of it. We have as many rooms q
we wish, but only one home His head
is silver-heart gold. We are pals.
In this autobiography have, in my
shrinking way, left out most of my
strong points, as is becoming at such
times. Yet, if have unjustly SANDER
ed myself, there be others who have the
right to set me square before an out
ragged public. Far be it from me to do
myself Justice. The end. Merrily yours.
Marshall P. Wilder in Empire Mag
azine
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Tho Ant Pest
surfaces.

Soon the summer pest, ants, will be-
gin to worry the tidy housekecper. Hero
is what is alleged to be sure remedy.
1t is inexpensive and comparatively
harmless, at all events: Dissolve 1 part
of corrosive sublimate in 100 parts wa
ter, which will be very strong dose.
Remove everything from the shelves
where tho ants are, or the carpet from
the floor where they appear to come up,
and pour boiling water all around to
kill them and clean the wood Then
pour the corrosive sublimate over the
shelves till it reaches all the cracks and
crevices and let it dry in. Then fill your
powder bellows with red pepper and
carefully blow the cracks and crevices
full of that. Cover the shelves with pa
per or put your carpet back in place,
and you will scarcely be troubled again.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Tho Ideal schoolhouse.

To begin with, says Mrs. Whitman in
The Atlantic, the entrances of a school
house should be made as inviting as
those of home. If there be yard, no
matter how small, it should have, first
of all, evergreen trees in it or some bit
of lcafage which, winter and summer,
would bring n message from tho woods.
1t should have flowers in their season,
and vines should be planted wherever
possible. Within the school every color
should be agreeable and harmonious
with all the rest. Ceiling, floor, wood
work, walls, are so to be treated as to
make rational and beautiful whole.
In entrance halls, for example, where no
studying is done, fine, pleasing red or
cheerful yellow is an excellent choice.
In bright, sunny rooms dull green is
ut once the most agreeable color to the
eye and perfect as n background for such
objects as casts Or photographs
In room where there is no sunlight
soft yellow will be found of admirable
use. The ceilings should be uniformly
Of an ivory white tint, which will by
reflection conserve light and will be re-
fined and in key with all other colors.
The treatment Of wood is study in it.
self. Briefly and for practical use, wood
can be treated i'll two legitimate ways
either it can be painted with relation to
the wall colors, or it can be stained to
anticipate the results Of time upon wood
surfaces.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Fine Truck Farms

500 truck farms, 90 acres each on the
Atlantic and Danville railroad. so miles
from Norfolk. the soil the same us the
celebrated trucking lands around Nor
folk, Va. $500 for twenty acres; terms,
Sl0 cash and sig per month without in
terest No such opportunity for specu-
iaiing or securing a home ever offered
before. These lands are owned by the
Railroad company and are offered at
these reduced rates to build up the truck
ing business along this line, with the
same shipping facilities as enjoyed by
the Norfolk truckers. Arrangements for
cheap excursion rates will shortly be
announced, with railroad fare free to all
purchasers For further information
call on or write to L. w. Spindle q Co.,
Roanoke, Va, agents for southwest
Viruinia
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
GOVERNORS, PAY.
From $1,000 to $4,000 Il the Ranv. q,
Their, Salaries ~ n

From Sl,ooo Co $4,000 IL the Range OF
Their Salaries.
Three states of the 40 pay SIC. 600 a
year each to their chief executives. or
$4,000 more than is paid a cabinet
officer. These three states are New
York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
All three states have increased tho com
pensation of their governors within re-
cent years. Until the present constitu-
ton was amended some years MO tho
salary OF the governor Of New York was
$4,000, and the governors of Pennsyl-
vania and New Jersey received S5 600
each. AT tho same time the governor of
Nevada received $4,000 and the gov
ernor of Louisiana So, 900.
In recent years there has been an at
tempt ut adjustment of the salaries of
many governors so that these may con-
form as far us possible to the impor
lance of the duties of the Office. The
governor of Massachusetts, for whose
office there is an election each year, for
merly received $3.50 salary and now
| gets $4,000. The governor of Louisiana.
for whose Office there is an election ey-
cry fourth year, formerly received 49,
900 and now gets $4,000. The govern
or of Indiana gets 5000 year for a
four years term, or $40, 900. The gov
ernor of Ohio gets $4,000 year for
two years term. Connecticut paws her
governor $4,000, and little Rhode Is
land pays $4,000.
The New England states Of the north
border are not very liberal in the COM
pensation of their governors. The gov
ernor of Maine gets $4,000 year. The
governor of New Hampshire receives
$4,000, and formerly got only 81, 900.
The governor of Vermont has ST, 500 q
year. Now 81, 500 is not q large salary
for the governor of a sovereign Ameri-
can state, but it is as much as Vermont
pays or Oregon either. But the govern
or of Oregon has a four years term,
whereas the governor of Vermont has Il
term of only two years. 1t has never
been established officially what, OH a
certain memorable occasion, the govern
| or OF North Carolina said to the govern
or of South Carolina. Il is supposed by
many persons that this mysterious al
fusion bore some reference to LIQUID in
toxlcants, but more probable explana-
ton of tho conversation is, perhaps, to
be found in the fact that the governor
of North Carolina, one Of the oldest
and largest of the original states, gets
only $4,000 salary, while the governor
of South Carolina, smaller and less
important commonwealth, receives 49,
500. The governor of Georgia receives
$4,000; the governor Of Florida, So, 800.
Michigan pays q governor 4,O0O; Mon
tana. state of much smaller popula-
ton, $4,000. In Kentucky the rate is
$4,000; i'll Missouri, So, 900; in Nebras-
ka, 81, 600; i'll Kansas, $4,000. Mary
land pays 81. 500; Texas, $4,000; Ida
no, $4,000; West Virginia. SO, 700. Del
aware and Utah have the same stand
ard of compensation for their govern
ors, $4,000. The governor of Alabama
receives the same salary as the govern
or Of Alaska. So, 900. Wisconsin pays
50, 500 and Colorado So, O0O.-New York
| SIM
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Roanoke Real Estate

is cheaper now than it will ever be again.
You had better secure one of our bargains
before the prices advance
S-room corner house, northwest, 81, ESQ,
$50 cash and $l2. 80 per month. Now rent
ing Tor $40.
Groom brick house in southwest large
lot. good shade; 81. 600 cash.
1-room corner house in southwest, mod
ern improvements, stable and carriage
house. $1,000; 5000 cash and SIT per
month
7.room house in southwest, sewer con-
nection, stable; $1,000. $50 cash and
Sl2.5O per month. No interest
7.room house in southwest, 81, 500; S15
cash and $l5 per month.
q room house in southeast, large lot,
clooe to mraket, $l,250; $50 cash and
$3.50 per month.
Groom corner house in southeast, $3.50;
$50 cash and $40 per month.
7-room house, northeast, $50 cash and
$3.50 per month.
We have great many others we can
not enumerate here.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
by tho styx.

Why didn't find that honest man?n
repeated Diogenes. "The fact is that the
darned bicycle lantern went out just as
passed one of the archons, and of
course he didn't do thing but run mo
in
a hoarse chuckle arose from the as
sembled shades, most of whom, it is to
be remembered, had done considerable
scorching themselves. - New York
Press.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Agreed with Him.

ga man who tries to argue with a
woman is fool" shouted Mr.. Meri-
boio as the discussion waxed warm.
Eyes, I've usually found it SO, (" re-
sponded Mrs. Meriboie in her most con-
ciliatory tones. Detroit News.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
n INV Norfo|kssas
saszrzzzzaaazn SChsduIe in Eject
May ., 1897.
WESTBOUND LEAVE ROANOKE
DAILY

$40 a IN. washington and Chattanooga
limited) for Bristol, intermediate sta.
lions and the South and West. Pull
man sleepers to New Orleans and Mem
phis. Connects at Radford for Blue.
field and Pocahontas
4:20 p. M, the Chicago Express for Rad.
ford, Bluefield, Pocahoutas, Kenova,
Cincinnati, indianapolis, st. Louis,
Kansas City, Columbus and Chicago.
Pullman Buffet Sleeper Roanoke to
Columbus. Also for Pulaski, Wythe-
vile, Bristol, Knoxville, Chattanooga
and intermediate points.
TRAINS ARRIVE AT ROANOKE.
From Norfolk 7:50 a. IN. 4:1O p. m.
From Eagerstown 1850 a. M; 4:0a p. M.
From Winston 1:15 D. NJ.
From Bristol and the West 1885 p m.
1890 p. IN.
NORTH AND EASTBoUND, LEAVE
ROANOKE DAILY.
1850 p m. for Petersburg, Richmond and
Norfolk.
1:45 p IN. for Washington, Hagerstown,
Philadelphia and New York.
10:4j p. m. for Richmond and Norfolk.
Pullman sleepers Roanoke to Norfolk
and Lynchburg to Richmond.
10:45 p. m. Washington and Chattanooga
limited for Washington, Hagerstown
Philadelphia and New York. Pullman
sleepers to Washington via. Shenan.
doah Junction and Baltimore and Ohio
railroad.
Durham Division--Teave Lynchbure
lUnion statiom.daily except Sunday,
400 p. m. for South Boston and Dur.
ham and intermediate stations.
Winston- Salem Division--Leave Roanoke
(Union staJion) 80 D. N. and
500 a. m. daily, except Sunday Camp.
bell street station), for Rocky Mount,
Martinsville, Winston-Salem and inter
mediate stations.
For all additional information apply
ri ticket Office or to w. d. Bevill, General
Passenger Agent, Roanoke, Va.
nd +. Bragg, Travelling Passenger
Agent.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
SPECIAL NOTICES.

NoTlCE.-Those having brick and
stone work or vitrified bricl, pavements
to.pe laid would do we'll to cali on or adj
uress.J. l. Falls, the practical contractor
anu builder Also all kinds of carpenter
work, plastering, painting, kalsominino
and paper hanging done on short notice.
Az work guaranteed. j. II. FALLS, No.
us Fifth avenue N. e.. Roanoke, Va.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Special
Bargains for Shop Men and Others

One OF the very cheapest and best
houses ever on our list, suitable for shop
men, or S-room house. Eighth avenue
s. G.. large lot, house in good condition.
worth $1,000, our price, 81 900; $3.50 cash
bale nee $l2 90 per month Don't fail to
see this at once; it is going Quick at this
price. 80 ''-''
l2o acres Of land of the very best quail
lty, miles from Terry building, on cleo
trio car line, from 20 to 40 acres i'm tim.
per. rms is one of the most desirable
Yer acre.
room house, Church street s. G.. near
Roanoke and Southern railroad. This ia
big bargain at 81 900; $3.50 cash. balance
one, two and three years. Just the honse
for shop men.
Three broom houses, Wood street n. q
$500 each; $50 cash. balance $40 ne,
month.
broom cottage, Third avenue n. W.
iull size lot, a beauty and one of the big.
gest bargains in this section. Only s5o1,.
500 cash, balance 81 per month.
sixteen lots, Melrose, full size, and
beauties, on the boulevard, only 1895;
one-fourth cash, balance one. two and
three years. These are exceedingly cbean
broom house, Henry and Eleventh ave-
nue., something nice, 50, 0O0, on easy terms.
1O.room house South Jefferson street
finished in hard wood, cabinet mantels'
heated by furnace and all modern con-
yendiences, worth $4,000; price only Sc, 800:
POW cash, balance $25 per month.
The j. Payne Thompson house on
Roanoke streets good rooms in first. class
conaitlon, cost 80, 800. now only $4,000,
So0o cash, balance $40 per month. This
Is bargain.
Store house, 5Ox1OO, store rooms. cor.
ner Center and Park streets, 81 800: S200
cash. balance $50 per month.
rms is only partisl list. Have farm
lands and vacant lots in all parts of the
city and county. Especial attention
given to renting.
PedIgo-Beller Real Estate Co.,
Commercial National Bank Building,
Ground Floor.
Euur-r
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Incon,patibiIity.

"Wbat were the grounds of their di-
vorce?'
"Incompatibility of temper
Dear mel never would have sup
posed either one of them was of quar-
relsome disposition.
g Neither one of them was, but they
rode wheels of different makes, and you
know how that is. Chicago Post.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04

An oyster cocktail is made by putting
into glass half II dozen tiny little oys-
tiers, to which add few drops of tabas-
co, pinch of salt, teaspoonful of
worcestershire sauce, tcaspoonful of
tomato kctchup and tablespoonful Of
lemon juice.-Mrs. S. II. Rorer in La
dies Home Journal.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
letter, salt-Rheum and eczema.

The intense itching and smarting, Incl
dentto these diseases, isinstantly allayed
by. applying Chamberlain s Eye and
SKIN Ointment. Many very bad cases
have been permanently cured by it. It
is equally efficient for itching piles and
o favorite remedy for sore nipples
chapped hands, chilblains, frost bites
and chronic sore eyes. 25 cts. per box.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Farms

2OO acres near Roanoke, good orchard,
we'll fenced and watercd, plenty of tim,
Der. SO, 300; terms easy.
l0O acres Of bottom land with beautiful
improvements. $3.50.
l5O acres near Hollins Institute, plenty
of fruit, timber and outbuildings, ST. 500.
AZ acres very near Roanoke, fine or
chard $1,000.
We have many others.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Not over Yet.

"Thcn you, too, Colonel Billyuns, have
had your struggles against poverty?''
He'd 'em! Gosh! / wish they was
over. Yew oughter see some O. the pen
niless whelps tibet comes snoopin round
here wantin ter marry my darters. -
Chicago Journal.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
His NIisfortunes.

Bobby-Popper, how does man
parade his misfortunes?''
Mr.. Ferry-It might be called that
when he is taking his wife, her sister,
her mother and her aunt to church. -
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Quite Likely,

Cholly-I make it point never to
talk more than ten minutes with any one
person.
Ethel Coldeal-So as not to tell all
you know, 1 suppose. New York Sun
day Journal.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04

M. Maingault, tho famous anatomist,
discovered that by forcing air into the
!arnyx OF dead animal sounds could
be produced very similar to those Of the
voice during life.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
For Rent and Sale.
T. w. Goodwin, Ag't.
ohice Room No. sob Terry building.
FOR RENT. DWELLINGS.
MAY 10Th. 1897.


FOR RENT.-DWELLING Is
No. 1921 West End Boulevard S. w, $500
No. 1U2S Seventh street s. e....... 600
No. 1896 Seventh street s. o. ... 600
No. 214 Fourth street n. e.. roo
No. 145 Eighth avenue S. w....... 1900
No. 622 First avenue n. w........ 900
No. lat Eighth avenue 8. w....... 1900
No. 1888 Seventh avenue II. w...... 400
No. 430 Sixth avenue, n. e... $50
No. 40 Twelfth street n. w...... $50
No. 522 First avenue s. w....... 1900
No. 428 Sixth avenue II. e........ 700
No. 520 Seventh avenue n. e.... 600
No. 317 Tenth avenue 8. W. 1900
No. 1924 Patterson Avenue. 1000
No. 713 Third avenue 8. w. 500
No. 705 Fourth avenue n. w.. 900
No. 431 Ninth avenue s. 1000
No. $50 Sixth avenue 8. w... 1900
No. 624 Tenth avenue g. ZOO
STORES.
No. III Third avenue 8. w.. ZOO
No. 304 Commonwealth ave. n. c.. 1000
also have in my charge properties In
all sections Of the city that can he bought
at great bargains, either for cash or on
the instalment plan.
Call and examine my list
L. w. GOODWIN. Agent.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Hard Work.

"What was the hardest work You ev-
or did for livin2?" asked the bencvo-
lent old lady of the weary pilgrim.
Stealth, mum. ''-Detroit Free Press.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
A Question of Weight.

Bluffer-Ill fight the man that called
mo liar behind my back if he weighs
ton.
Cuffer-I'm tho man. Why don't you
begin?
Blnffer-Yon don't weigh tom
New York Journal.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Such a Gentle Hint.

Elderly Maiden-May ask what your
name is?
Huber"
"a beautiful name! wish mine was
like it. "-Fliegende Blatter.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
GEOLOGICAL.

"What are pauses?" the teacher asked
the first class in grammar.
Things that grow on cats and dogs"
answered the smallest girl. York
Journal
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04

DIR. Cady's Condition Powders, are
just what horse needs when in bad
condition. Tonic, blood purifier and
vermifuge. They are not food but
medicine and the best in use to put a
horse in prime condition. Price rs
cents per package.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04

AT varions clubs in France lists of
eligible girls backed by glittcring bank
rolls are to be found.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04

In Siam the first wife may be di-
vorced, but not sold. Tho other wives
may be divorced and sold.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Love in the Scale,

N MA loving care and forethoupht
4 l.ESA his chances of health and
NW strength are increased hun.
dred-fold
A prospective mother cannot begin too
early to look after her own health and phvs
ical condition. This is sure to be reflected
in the baby. Any weakness or nervous de-
preston, or lack of vigor on the mothers
part should be overcome early during the
expectant time by the use of Dr. Pierce's
Favorite Prescription, which promotes the
perfect health and strength of the organism
specially concerned in motherhood.
It makes the coming of baby absolutely
safe and comparatively free from pain; rem
ders the mother strong and cheerful, and
transmits healthy constitutional vigor to
the child.
No other medicine in the world has been
such an unqualified blessing to mothers and
their children. 1t is the one positive spe-
cihc for all weak and diseased conditions
of the feminine organism It is the ONLY
medicine of its kind devised for this one
purpose by trained and educated special
list in this particular field.
Mrs. + B. Cannings. of No. 43zo Humphrey ST.
st. Louis. Mo- writes: II now happy
mother of fine, healthy baby girl Feel TINT
your Favoritc Prescription and little Pellets
have done me more good than anything have
ever taken. Three months previous to my con-
fincnent began using your medicine. took
three bottles of the Prescription Conse-
quences were was only in labor forty-five min
utes. With my first baby suffered Is hours
then had to lose him. He was very delicate and
untold agony and had two miscarriages. The
Favorite Prescription saved both my child and
myself My baby is not yet three weeks old and
do not think ever felt better in my life"
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04

OF late years sport has become kind
Of idolatry So says the London Meth
odist Times
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
Franklin Road. SALEM.


Salem car runs between Terry building and
Salem. First car Sundays at $40 a. NJ.
Vjnton car runs between Terry building and
VintoD. Sundays-Firet car 800 a. M
Norwich car runs between Norwich and MON
Depot and connects with College car. sundays
First car 500 a m Trips marked "n" will go
through to Norwich; ali other trips before 400
p m. vii, stop at Woodrums. All trips after AGO
p. IN. will 90 through TO Norwich.
College car runs between College and Union
Depot via Mill Mountain and connects with Nor.
witch.
wost End car runs between III" street and
Union Depot.
Crystal Spring car rims between Crystal Spring
and Union Depot via Mill III ,untaln First car
Sundays SEQ o. III and between Crystal Spring
and Union Depot via Bisebal Park. First car
Sundays 6:2J.
ing aud His bland avenue g. W.
East Roanoke car runs between Terry build
ing aud Lynchburg avenue n. c.
iiekc,H for ride between Roanoke and Salem
places:
yaughans cigar stand, Terry buildng.
Mae5ic's Pharmacy, s outh Jefferson street
And ut Salem from ill Ard u Pcrsinger
s. w. JAMESON. Gen'l Mgr
Ofhec. Rooms 105 and LOG Terry Dlilding.
The Roanoke times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1897-1977, 1897-06-04
or Rent.

7-roem house, with modern con
veniences, large stable, etc.,. S11.25
S-rcom house on Tenth ave. with
modern conve niences and newly
papered. $1,000
s room house on Henry street, -
both aud closet. $1,000
Groom cottage in Southeast. 80. $3.50
All of these properties are in good ,e-
pair and well located Don't you need
good house?
We have some excellent houses in West
End; near the river, very cheap fer work
ing men.
See us before renting as we have the
houses to suit.
4. {. 3. Nartsook & Co.
30