Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1897-11-10
SPINNING WHEEL.

! Caesar! Did you think I'd come in
| with these clothes on to have my picture
taken? I'm asking you to marry me,
Miss Frame. Pearson Weekly.
The following story is told by Mr..
x, a distinguished member of the
Indian civil service, well-known for his
wit and raciness. Being at home, Oh
leave of absence, he found himself a
guest at dinner party where all present
were strangers to him.
Lord -, the host, presenting him to
a very pretty and misunderstanding wom-
an, he bowed and professed himself
charmed, saying:
Il see you know everybody in the room,
and all about them SO you must initiate
me. Now, for instance Indicating gen
tleman who had evidently been taking
nitrate Of silver for some malady), who
is that man with the blue face?
Sir" said the lady, Jelly, "that is my
husband'
"Oh," said Mr.. Y, quite unabashed,
"The very woman [ want to meet. Now
tell me, is he blue all ?"-Weekly
Telegraph.
Friend."Have you had a successful
Golfac-"Well, I should say so. I've
worked hard all through June, July and
August and have succeeded in reducing
my golf score from 81 to 49,
-:O:--
Mrs Newlywed-"Henry you always
said a husband should tell his wife every
thing. But you will not tell me the Sc
crets Of any of the societies you belong
to-
Mr.. Newlywed-"C it is best I
shouldn't. If you knew them I'm afraid
you wouldn't have much of an opinion of
your husbands intellect" Boston Tran
script.
Mark Twain tells the following story
about the late James Hammond Trumbull
Of Connecticut, in the November Century;
years ago, as [ have been told, wild
owed descendant of the Audubon family,
in desperate need, sold a perfect copy of
AudubOn'S Birds to a commercially
minded scholar in America for $500.
The book was worth $1,000 in the market.
The scholar complimented himself upon
his shrewd stroke of business. That was
not Hammond Trumbulls style. After
the war lady in the far South wrote
him that among the wreckage of her bet
ter days she had a book which some had
told her was worth 500, and had advised
her to offer it to him; she added that
she was very poor and that if he would
buy it at that price it would be a great ia
vor to her. 1t was Eliot's Indian BIZ
Bile. Trumbull answered that if it was
perfect copy it had an established mar
ket value, like gold coin, and was worth
$1,000; that if she would send it to him
he would examine it, and If 1t proved to
be perfect he would sell it to the British
museum and forward the money to her.
1t did prove to be perfect, and she got
her $1,000 without delay and intact"
-:O:-
Witness-"Well, judge, I'll tell you all
I know
,r1,4 Oh
two minutes yet before time to adjourn"
Brooklyn Life.
A bumptious Englishman was dining
with a lady at a table d'hOte. Seated
opposite to them was German, on
whose hands were some rings. After
gazing at the German the Englishman
said to his companion:
81 hate to see men with rings on
A SuperclliouS sheer was all the Ger
man vouchsafed. After little time The
Englishman again said to the lady:
DO you know what l should do with
a ring if / had one?'
Before the lady could reply the German
leaned across the table, and in a suiky
growl said:
"Vare it in your noser'-Weekly Tele-
graph.
A bright young matron of West Pine
boulevard, who has just returned from
trip across the big pond, exhibits with
good deal of pride one of the handsomest
diamonds in st. Louis.
'What makes it dearer to me than any
thing else" she tells her intimates, sis
the fact that struggled it. You know
my husband couldn't go with me, and /
joined a party of friends, but he warned
me emphatically not to be caught with
dutiable goods on me. [ have always
been wanting a diamond for this setting"
1anl fJJI ion
and [ had jeweler here give me the d.
mansions of the stone I must buy.
"Well, here it is; and how do you sup
pose I managed it? I took with me scv-
the officers came aboard for our declara-
tons [ stuck the stone into a piece of
gum that / had chewed into a pulp. I
kept on renewing the gum until we got
into New York and chewed away until l
was safely landed in nay room at the
hotel Now, girls, don't you think [ was
cleverT'
The young woman AYERS that she has
not told her husband yet about her en-
terprise, but if he sees the old setting
with the new stone on her hand this lit
tie story may open his eyes.-St. Louis
Republic.
A little girl was graciously permitted
one bright Sunday to go with her NAM
ma to hear papa preach. 1t was a time
of great rejoicing and responsibility, and
the little face was all alight with happy
anticipation.
Now, it CHANGED that on this special
occasion papa's sermon was of the
warning" order, and his earnest voice
rang solemnly in the Sunday quiet. After
moment of breathless surprise and hor-
ror, the little listeners soul was wrought
upon with a great pity for the poor NOR
tails upon whom SO much wrath was de-
scending.
She rose excitedly to her feet, and.
her wide, reproachful eyes, just peeping
over the back Of the seat, called out in
sweet, Gliding tones:
"What for is you scolding all the peo-
pie SO, papa ?''-Pearson's Weekly.
Grimm-"Women are such selfish crea-
lures! There was an odd chop at break
fast, and my wife insisted upon my eat
ing it. 1t was all because she wanted to
revel in the satisfaction of self-denial!
A case of pure selfishness.''
Flimnl-'And what did you do?"
cob, I let her have her way and I ate
the chop. There are few husbands so
,induloent as / am "-R0sfon Transcr;nt