The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-07-25

All inmate OF the Beulam OF SOnnenSleln
SaNony, buttonholes every visitor with the
urgent request to procure him an inter-
J view with the commissioners of the treas
( ury: "A general financial collapse will be
the result of continued delay" ne informs
| a benighted public; the whole civilized
world will go into bankruptcy, and isn't il
! pity to think that all those calamites
could be so easily prevented. All they
have to do is 10 adopt my plan for keeping
| bank notes scrupulously clean. and carry
| them in special envelopes as an attorney
| carries an important legal document. once
| in five years they ought to be called in and
renewed, for the moment they get soIled,
safety is gone to the dogs. What shall
prevent a counterfeiter from hiding the
| impesfectionS of his work under a coat
| ing of grease? Every day in the week
business men come across paper money
blurred out of all resemblance to it's origi-
! nal appearance; yet it never occurs to our
hnanciers that the same state of affairs
can be reproduced by artificial means. A
drop of Oil. mixed with dust a teaspoonful
of coffee grounds to turn the original col
or into dingy yellow. If we ignore those
facts criminals will soon utilize our will
full blindness and the world will be del
uged with counterfeits. Harsten 20 let us
take our measures before all is lost"
In the same establishment there is a
| gold-cook, and a genius who wants to pre-
| vent runaway accidents by putting a driv-
| er in absolute control of a skittish horse.
The respected animal is made to trot in
a frame that battles its attempts to roll on
the ground, and the moment it betrays a
desire 70 escape its predicament by flight a
steel spring clasps its throat and throttles
| 1t into proper sense of it's duty. If the
first degree of pressure should fail to an
sWer its purpose, the persuasive power of
| the apparatus becomes more emphatic till
| logic prevails against infatuation, and the
perverse quadruped not only slackens its
speed, but stops. trembling in its eager
ness TO treat for terms of surrender.
But suppose it should die in convu,-
sions?"
Rather than yield? Then it will go to
pot, for don't you doubt that there is a
state of future existence for animals. Con-
Vulslons won't save a stubborn brute
| Where he goes he will catch it in the neck
worse 1Aan in my machine Besides an
example of that sort will make the rest
of them more careful. Mutiny must be
suppressed. 1t is bad enough that so
many Anarchists contrive to cheat jus
tice, but, by Rhadamantus, | do not pro
| pose TO let the guilty horse escape. The
devils in some of them, but they have
got to go slow after l once get a chance
| to introduce my invention"
lie had a pocket-sized model of his
contrivance, besides some earlier attempts
halVing perfected the details of his plans
| Tor years, till he came to grief in irving
to demonstrate the effectiveness of his
machine on a larger scale. Reused bv
| contradiction, he one day seized a visitor
ana clapped him into his horse-garotte.
Where he choked him till he acknowledged
the perfections of Allah and his prophet
| In terms of unconditional surrender but
that one convert turned renegade, and
moreover proved to be a medical expert
employed by the police to investigate the
| intellectual status of the horse compeller
In Sonnerstein they also have a diamond
maker who tries to bride all Corners. and
has offered as high as 100000 thalers for
years freedom and the chance to per
feet his arrangements 81 had prenared
a pint of pure carbon paste" he walls
| ana a fool could see that it was fritter-
| ing ana ready TO melt, when they nabbed
me. would have been the richest inhab
| liant of this continent if thev had let mo
alone just one more hour. A pure water
diamond the size of a prize tomato would
nave been the result, and do not hesitate
TO say that with the proceeds | could have
bullt a factory for wholesale operations
say ten to twelve gems a day to begin with
II they had just waited one more day."
BUT by needing appeals of that sort his
friends had given him a chance to waste
his own fortune and that of his wife and
credulous mother-in-law, with no result
but the production of some tiny borax
! crystals. His plan was to mix coal (nure
carbon with some fusble ALLOW and eIiD-
compound. In pursuance of that nro
gramme, he had experimental with about
all the minerals known to modern chenis
Try and might eventually have stumbled
upon some alchymistic secret or other
IKE the medieval lunatic who tried to
make gold out of uric acid and discovered
a recipe for making phosphorus.
Pearls, too, have turned the heads of ex-
perlmenteTs, as well as of the headlong
divers of the Persian Gulf where naked
athletics descend to a depth of more than
100 tathoms to fill their baskets with lot
terry sheiis.' Pecks of their catch are sold
| unopened, at about As cents and the mr.
chaser may find a fortune or nothing
at al. When money is scarce pearl brok-
ers have often to peddle their shells from
village to village. and to obviate all thai
trouble thousands of spectators have
tried to reproduce the (probably abnorman
conditions that induce the biyalve 10
evolve globural excrescence. Cuvier
| thought that the concentric layers of
/ smooth motherof-pearl serve to mitigate
| the irritation of some foreign body that
mas happened to penetrate the shell, and
Columella, the Roman Tyndal. suggests
mat pearls are produced by the rythmi-
cal song of the sirens" but modern for
! tune hunters have conceived the idea that
mermaids who won't sing might be made
| 10 sing, or that the tenant Of the double
shell could be irritated into a disposition
nlHng
10 that effect would fill volumes. but the
patent bureau has declined 70 record mere
schemes unsupported by the results of
practical test.
Next to the philosophers stone" and
the perpetuum mobile. recipes for an elixir
to restore youth, or at least to check The
| too rapid advance of Old age, have. per
| maps filled the largest number of strait
jackets. Paracelsus deafened his contem-
poraries with his Eureka jubilees AZ tho
| discovery OF panacea which seems 10
| nave been nothing more or less than recti-
| lied alcohol and finally Dragged In a man
ner that would have led TO his indictment
! for blasphemy II he had gone crazy enough
TO swallow quart OF his own nostrum.
Maupertuis, the perpetual president OF
| Frederick the Greats academy, was
/ driven at least temporarily crazy by Vol
| taire's review OF his plan 20 "prolong LIE
| by preventing the possibility OF persplra-
| ton CWhat would be the matter with a
coat OF coach varnishg asks his critIc).
NJ n Fanf... A..