The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-10-14
FABLES FOR FEEBLE CTS.
TALES OF CURRENT EVENTS WIFI
EVIDENT LESSONS.

Fresh - Concerning wApnc,ous wsscals. |
A Cit, being filed with the Consciousness Of
Absolute Perfection, once Resolved to become o
Speaker upon tho Issues Of the Campaign, with
Purpose to instruct the Ignorant Masses accord
ing to Low and the Prophets. To this End he
girnod up his Loins and seventeen Bushels of
Pamphlets, and establishing himself upon the
Tail of a Cart, set forth for the wild Nations
East OF the Bowery whore tho Tenoments grow
so High that any Person falling thercfrom is
Inferred among the Unidentified Dead. Estab-
fishing himself and his Cart upon a Corner no
opened his Face and Calling upon all those
who desired Enlightenment to Listen, he
made an Grafton. Thereupon gathered a
great Multitude OF Persons, whereby the
Cit was greatly, Rejolced. He told that
muluith t aiv. n nSt h ia than q supply OF Ne NV
made Grafton at great and Painful Length, the
Words OF his Lips were as the Ctoi on last Falls
Unanimous Consent invested him with the Order
of the Merry Hs-he. Still be pGrsevCred, say:
This, being too much Cor the Natives Of that
wild COUNT to Swallow, they cast about them
Correct, that which they Cast smote him
ath wart the CoIntenance. and well nigh Cata-
p 20 g,pI I1IG ted bis S, physioEnTmy; causing him
to a lower D%enominat!o on, is Thirty Cents. And
the Cit fled forth, null Of Wrath and Grief and
the Remains OF sodden Eggs, followed by the
Shouts OF tho angercd Populace, and was seen
no more in that Locality.
Moral: There Is nothing New under the Sun.
but some Things are Too Fresh.
An Expounder Of Mathematical Phenomena
was Employed by IA Bureau of kncumbrances
upon the Face OF the Earth known as the Cts
Daily he sat before his Blackboard and did
Sums with Chalk. And when he had waxcd
Sfi,,q y i II his Line he b made a Demonstration
lows: ,2+247. Then did all the Cts upland
misltily; and heap llcnors upon Tho Head oftho
the Course Of Time he progressed in Learning
and put ior.h ulon his Bl.cknoard The soul
did the Cts raise up their Voices and Shout:
Great is our Expounder Of Mathematical
i ibns Hrrs'" fn"s Ids, Ns% ths sha InD Boon down down
over his Book of Riddles from Witch he Worked
his sums, and aftor Seven Weeks Of Unmiti.
his Genius: 8 l0~3i60. Upon Learning Of
This the Cts made q great Feast. at the Head Of
and Addressing tho Expounder said: "Ac-
SSS o% snue 10 M SHsjE Me'h Siii OF Our MH thsaiaass
heveT' And the EEpounder made Answer.
Thousand, three hundred and Seventeen" This
Calculation being Spread abroad among the
People, caused them to Laugh in their Sleeves
Nntil their Goats burst Open. And when It came
November the Expounder had to Flee the Coun.
try, leaving u note for the Gifts in which no ex-
planned that he must have Forgotten TO put in
Moral: Figures can't lie; but Folks that
Handle them Can and Do.
Wecently there Awosei in this wegion a wust-
lerfor Weform. His Head, which he held Wesal-
II Ewcct in the Pwide of Wectitude, was vewy
large wound ana hollow like a Bass-dwum,
ana ike that INSTRUMENT 1t Wevcrbcwated
with a sono~ous Wacket Whenever lis Owner
went. This Wustler travelled awouni in all
couldn't West, and wye Weeitipr " W ytern ll,i w xSg
his Pwinciples were the only Pwincipies
Epenvb CG9s'd Ssst tIas by any TPyishi Man:
snec. and sad among. Themselves: 10!
This Is the veal Thing in Political Purity, and
wustlcd wesistlcssly for righteousness and
weviled the PARTISAN and wicked wobhers who
at their WccQrds. But after he had boen WoIt-
ewating his Discoveries about the Unpwincl-
pied Wetchcs for sevewai Weeks, some veal
wude Wepwobates went and Poked into his own v
Nacord with. y Microscope and Found it was
Moral: 1t takes n Wapacious Wascal to Catch
q Wapacious Wascal.
In the City OF Manhattan lived q Manufacturer
OF Patent Political Weather, who had a regular
Job in a Reform Organization. Being bid there.
to by his Bosses. he laid Pipes for a Tidal w,vo
q Sou !ari.sanship. Examining tho Autumn
SKY With a stethoscope for symptoms OF coming
trouble. he Announced to all whom 1t might
Concern that owing TO an Impending Area OF
Low Pressure; there was coming a Flood com.
Sc as 9 Gen tic H i Iho5w1Senrs.e f Fl so Fioo Mou he
WAS Kind enough TO Explain, was aimed p%articp;
Parties; and he Added that all the Truly
Good could be Saved by presenting their
GIG, Union Tttk.ts and, getting in out OF he
Vet upon the Ark which he had Built for that
PURPOSE. But while. he Was Learning the Points
OF tho Compass with II View 20 becoming Chief
Navigator. there came an Avalanche OF Ballots
which resolved his Ark into II Mess Of Unsal-
able Toothpicks, and tho Amateur Noah was
mo-, again Heard OF during that Decade.
Moral; You never can Tell which Way an
Area OF Low Pressure is going to Work.
During a Lively Campaign a Low Boomer
travelled afar to Long Island City. which is one
Stop this side OF Hades on any Road you take.
He was looking for Votes in tho Land OF P. J.
Gleason. where they cut Ballots with a Battle
Dried AS well. In the Course OF his Wanderings
the Boomer came 10 a Saloon iillcd with a
Crowd which, according to the Habits OF that
thinking that no might make Converts he en-.
tered in for the Purpose of Addressing the
intellisent Voters; Upon learning. his Mission
the Intelligent Voters with one Voice dccla red
their Willingness to Listen, and suggested that
he Buy the Beer: This he did. advancing Argu.
ment tho Intelligent Voters nodded their APP
provnl and suggested More Beer. except that
occasionally they took Whi-key. And even
there Arrived more Intelligent Voters, TO whom
those already there said, speaking in Whispers
This Is an Eas!, Mark; yea, u Custard Pie.
Hours. And when Midnight struck, those stiff
Competen, to Locate their Feet cried out in
eGh9 1 r III He p Ihish iSh R Easn lies shing eve:
having Pad for Much and Drunk Little, de-
parted Light in Pocket. And On the following
Morning the Intelligent Voters were hailed 10
the Court Of Justice still in Possession OF sucl
Polych Innatic JaEs that they mistoOk the Judg,
for a Rainbow and were fined Ten Dollars
APMiG ors,. 7, !. poss,h,. 10 n.vo ,oo
a Good Thing.