The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-04-14
HUMOR OF TIE DAY.

( 1erQlGa-l WisN were mNn.
Penelope Eyes, with oil your money
you'd be quite catch then, wouldn't
you?"-Truth.
"What is pronunciation. Unole
imp" 'It is something you hunt mp
in dictionary one day and forget the
next. Chicago Record.
Editor Ito comic paragraphist) -
''Your jokes lack originality" Comic
Parasraphist tirritablyl-"So docs
your criticism. It'd Bits.
"Do you thirk that Virgins is
really your friend?" Gosling-"I
suppose so; he's always giving me
| disagreeable advice. Truth
Bacon 81 see tho editor has come
out for athletics" Egbert-- That's
strangel He told me he was going
in for them. -Yonkers Statesman.
Cynthia-"Do You think Frank will
love me when l am old, Maud?"
Mlu l-"Well, there's one thing, dear
you'll soon know. Pick Me- Up.
els the sail the only thing that
guides a ship?" asked the green pas.
senger. NO. said the mate. "There
are rulders. ."-Indianapolis journal.
Kind Lady dy-"What would you like
to eat, my poor man?" Tired Tre-
| fethen -"Soup, If you havs 1t. 1t
doesn't need chewin'. ."-.Up-ro Date.
Physician-"You have only a few
minutes to live. Have you any last
wish?" Patient-"I wish | had en-
gagged another doctor. Yale Record.
With the first pull the bell rope
parted. The sexton was in despair.
Then happy thought struck him,
and he wrung his hands. -Indisnapo.
lis Journal.
the light of your life" Mr.. Ton
eyes; and 1 suppose that's why you
are so easily put out now we are mar
ried. Judy.
The Customer-"Confouud you'll
You have cut my cheek" The Barber
-"By Jove, so l have I was won
dering what had taken the edge off my
razor. standard.
Riggs-"Halloa, old mani" Briggs
-"Excuse me, sir; you have the ad-
vantage of me" "Yes, guess have.
We we're engaged to the same girl,
but you married her,"
Friendly Criticism. Artist t. "This
is one of those peculiar pictures that
one has to be far of to appreciate.
She-"And way off to paint,
imagine. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Ted-"How did that English noble
man manage TO borrow the money
from Chollie?" Ned-"On being In
troduced he asked him if he wasn't
born on the other side. Judge.
Often and Often. my poor
man." said the benevolent old lady,
'I suppose you are often pinched by
want and hunger, are you notP"
"Yessum; and by de cops. "-Cincin
natl Commercial Tribune.
'It's a shame" cried the young
wife; mot thing in the house fit to
eat. I'm going right home to papal"
'If you don't mind, DEAR" said the
husband. reaching for his hat, 'IrI9s
go with you. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Waiter Ito cook)-"Steak for one
Gent dcn't want it raw, nor he don't
want it burnt black" Cook Ian.
grily)-'Is that what he slid?"
Waiter -"No; not exactly. 1 asked
him how he wAntel it, an he said
'meiiu N. spare Moments.
Mamma-"I don't see why you call
Daisy Martin selfish. think she is
a very nioo little girl" Ethel-"oh,
mNmnl, but she is 4ssldshl She's al
ways at the heal OF the class, aud she
vuanfF los NF .,k - -
ahead OF her. - Iarper's Blzsr.
"What do you mean, SIR" roared
the irate father, "by bringing your
trunk to my house and ordering a
room?" 'l'm adopted a. one of the
family" eSelIy answered the young
man. Granddaughter said she would
be a sister TO me. Detroit Free
Press.
Customer-'I don't see how any
body can handle big stock of glass
like this without doing lot of break.
ing. Persuasive Salesman -"pheY
can't, ma'am. Two firms broke all to
pieces trying 10 handle this lot That's
why We eau sell it 50 cheap. Chicago
Tribune.
He-'I suppose your thoughts were
all on your new bonnst during the
sermon this morning?' She-"No,
in Iced, they we're not" 81 don't
believe you can repeat anything that
was said during the service" ''Yes,
gan, too. ] hearl e lady behind me
say, Isn't it stunningY
81 don't like your milk" slid the
mistress of the house "WhatF
wrong with it, mum?" "Its dread.
fully thin, Rui there's no cream on
it," "After you have livel in the
town . while, mn@'' s., opouting,
Eas@ pi N. and General Repairing,