Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-03-06
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itS 'Ntthhs hluuis 10 the WORK
BY leaving of their ovcrshoes.
Washington Star.
She-So you are really engaged a,
last; Oh. am so glad! Hc-You ought
to be.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Moss-What do you think would be
the greatest evil Of another civil war?
Foss-The plays that would come AFTER
it.-Life.
Those people next door are still in
their honeymoon" do you think so?"
Yes. he goes shopping with her,
Chicago Record.
Here is a joke about an electric
shock. said the humorist. PUT II TN.
der the head Of Current Fun" re.
piled the editor.-Life.
Reporter-Wiil you be member Of
the cabinet? Great Statcsman-Um!
This weather certainly Is very remark.
nble.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Fair Poetess-won't you please print
my poem? Conciliatory Editor--I can't,
really: but should like to print your
picture.--Somerville Journal.
"fve discovered why the Greeks
were such a happy people" "Why was
III" "rhey didn't have their clothes
made to iit."-Chicago Record.
"Browniones Is the hardest man to
take in shorthand that ever s. "ucl Z"
Docs he talk SO fast rs that?" mo
so COMPOUNDED slow."-New York Sun.
Frizby-ls II not much more expens.
I've cruising In a yacht than travelling
on the ears? vanwart-The reverse.
There are no porters on yachts.-Judge.
The wa: my neighbours daughter sings
Would make one tear his hair;
Iet suppose she has the right
Because she rents the air.
Judge.
Were close cough.drops bcncflcIal?"
"They worked like charm. They
have such horrible taste that the chill.
dren have all stopped coughing."-
cago Record.
do you know your nclghbors. the
Lippertons:" mo. we don't know
them at ali: they merely used to lend
us their lawn mower last summer
Chicago Record.
scientists say that the secret of all
life is vibration" "Pooh! I've had
lots OF people give me the shake. but
there wasn't anything secret about It."
Chicago Record.
II like 10 cook enough to last" re.
marked the young bride. "You do, you
do" groaned the devoted hubby, mo
matter how little you cook."-Cleve.
land Pla!ndeaier.
Il thought perhaps you would give
me lift. SIR" he said as he entered the
office. You will find the elevator in
the front OF the building" replied the
bookkeeper.--Judge.
Suitor--I called this evening, Miss
Shock, to ask you to be my wife. Miss
Shock-i am sorry to say. my friend,
that you have made n mistake In your
callinc.-Hichmond Dispatch.
For college honors he had scorchcd
And on the gridiron roasted,
Aud though his comrades said "well
DONE"
At banquet he was toasted.
Boston Courier.
She-Oh, yes! The predictions are
In this column headed weather Prob
Abilities" He-That's right. II they
called II weather Possibilities" it
wouldn't be SO bad.-Puck.
May-I think Hates refusal will
have good effect on Charley. Mauds
II hope so, but he's so frightfully slow.
May-I know. but no told mo 1t had
cut him to the quick.-New York
Press.
May Begay-And II you think tho
other party Is bluffing. Of course you
bet higher? Jack Potts-Well, that 10
the usual course. but I've found that
that Is generally good time to drop
out.-Puck.
Tuddy-Yes, I know; but has Plod.
der really written anything OF valuef
Duddy-Of value? Decidedly yes. He
showed me one article alone on which
he had spent at least IS In postage
Boston Transcript.
"Oh." she moaned. ito think that I
should have come to this! But there
was no help for 1t. Her companion,
who had brought her there. had Q
friend in the oratorial contest. and he
was near the last Of the list.-Indianap.
oils Journal.
Landlady-Then you would like to bs
called at eight, sir? New Ledger with
retiring allowance)-Well. no; not ex.
actly called. don't you know. But the
girl might mention the time. then,
quietly-very quietly. In case ! should
be asleep.--Fun.
Charitable Old Lady Ito little beggar.
girD-There's some bread for you. tie
Q day or two old. but you can tell your
mother 10 take three or f0ar fresh eegs,
q quart Of mask. . cus>sf sugar, some
good butter, and half a geaEsd -eutpes,
and she can make very excellent pu1.
ding Of i,.-Dublia Tiqies.
"Yes," said the retired army Officer.
II can recall two oc@sisps when was
terribly frightened" "0h," exclaimed
the romantic young lady. do tell me
about them. suppose It happened
when you were lighting the Indians"
NO" he replied; zone time was when
was married, and the other time was
when we had our baby chrlstened."-
Cleveland Leader.
IL was an hour past midnight, and
Mr.. Binns was fumbllng about In the
hall and mumbllng angrily to himself.
"What's the matter!" called out Mrs.
Blnns from the door above. "There's
IL. he, IA