Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1897-11-26
A QUEER NEWSPAPER
TIE OSTRICH OF CORNWALL AND iTs
ECCENTRIC PUBLISHER. <

A journal That Exists In Optimism and
Devotion to Roscate Cause.-The Paper
Gratuitously Distributed, but 1t and the
Editor Arc Sustained by Donations.
In tho heart of Cornwall there is pub
nshed and read q newspaper perhaps tho
most peculiar in oil tho world. This Is
The Ostrich, and if tho news Of the day,
Its murders, crimes and sensations should
shock you or offend your nervous system
Tho Ostrich is the very paper for you to
read.
To begin with, this singular Cornish
journal is printed on delightful PALE
rose colorc<l paper 1t has Il great and ever
gaining circulation. Throughout Corn
wall you see it everywhere. From Plym-
cnth to Lands End genial old squircs
end parsons, merry eyed maids, specialized
slderly ladies, young bloods In cricket
{lannels or hunting breeches, farmers,
fishermen and laborcrs may be seen peace
f3ll; perusing these rose hued pages. And
every che can sec that tho faces of Ostrich
readers possess settled look of placidity.
just as if nothing i'll the world could dis
turb them.
"Yes," said the proprietor of a Penzance
hotel, "Thc Ostrich is II wonderful paper
1t settles the, nerves and brings back
health and happiness. All people coming
from the large towns seeking rest should
read it. 1t is boon for the nervous. "
One opens Tho Ostrich, and the first
! thing noticeable is that certain words in
tho text are printed in large heavy type;
words like happy, good, <, saved, success,
health, peace, beautiful, ;,i.:iable-all the
pages arc crowded with thcm so that they
give the impression of being a kind of op-
timist chart, pointing out all that is good
and beautiful OH the earth. Short sighted
people, holding the newspaper at a yards
distance, will only be able to SEQ these
agreeable words. and besides this, in the
ordinary text, elf words like death, mis-
fortune, sickness, pain arc carefully avoid
ed. In the entire paper, one column ex'
',epted, not u disagrecablc word is printed
The system of the publisher is based OH
the science of suggcstivcness AS most
people ore easily influenced, the rcr,lsal Ct
page of this rose colored paper, with ia
hundreds of pleasant words, may readily
bring the reader to a state of mind In
which he begins distinctly to see the world
through rose colored glasses.
The PAPER is apr opriatcly called The
Ostrich. A little picture in the middle OF
che heading represents this famous bird
burying it's head in tho sand and appar-
emily feeling we'll content in doing so.
The motto Of the paper is even Of Truth
One half Is Falsehood." This paper sums
up all that has happened in the world
twice wcckly-in not more than six col
municipalities, elections accidents art
and literature. Everything is treated by
The Ostrich in those columns from his
special viewpoint
The first column bears tho title, "What
Would S. II. D. Say to It9" S. H. D.
stands for Sir Humphry Dayy, who was
born in Penzanc., and has u monument
there. This "grvat Christian and chem
ist" as Tho OsCrich calls him, the in
ventor If tho safety lamp, is tho model OF
all hui ian beings, tho yardstick with
which everything is measured. In this
column ono finds all sorts Of news, and
every item with a commentary. 'Forin
stance: "At q banquet at Birmingham
Lord Salisbury declared that the situation
of the Armenians was indeed such as do
manded serious consideration Is. II. ID.
would say: Tho consideration only he.
comes serious by Lord Salisbury's calling
1t 80. There may DO less in the matter
than one would expect)" Or, "The potato
beetle is again making himself nuisance
on our coast (not in Normandy, for there,
they have no potato harvest at all this
year! S. H. d."
The second column is called "The De-
mentcd of Tomorrow. In it all impor-
tant political news is commented upon and
corrected, for the motto of the paper II
Given of Truth Ono-half Is Falschood,'
and most of the corrections of Tho Ostrich
are sound. Besides, if he makes a mis-
take, it does not matter. His aim
reached at all events, for news that bcarh
the heading "Dementcd" is doubted and
has lost it's exciting quality.
Still moro important is the third col.
umn, "How Does This Concern Me?' In
it one finds tho greatest wisdom of Tho
Ostrich. 1t contains all the news from
foreign countries, and the reader general
ly synpathizes in unconccrn with the pub
Usher, for what is it to him whether Pres
ident Morales or Immorales rcigns on tho
La Plata river or whether Stambuloff has
been sentenced by unjust Judges or just
assassins, or vice versa? That should all
be of no consequence to him if he cares for
his nerves.
The other columns are called "Nothins
Is Eaten as Hot as -" "And If Sos"
and eve Do Not Believe In 1t.
This last one is very Important, as ~
contains all terrible accidents, shipwrecks,
earthquakes, famine, and SO forth. Tine
Ostrich docs not believe in such things.
The man who has invented this peculiar
newspaper is John ellis. For several
years he was q schooltcacher, published
some pamphlets, and then became jour-
nalist. He studied the people Of London
and Bristol and gradually formed his
opinion Of what would be appropriate for
their health, doing it from purely human
itarian principles, for he is now crazy
enough to distribute his paper gratuitous.
ly. The hotel keepers and other interested
readers pay him whatever they like for it.
His subscribers have built him a beautiful
little cottage on Tilcotts Head, all over
grown with red fuchsias and with :vindoW
panes shining like the lanterns Of beacon.
It is called 1.-THE Ostrich cottage"
Among tho subscribers are Gladstone
the Princess Of Teck and Sir Arthur Sui
Ivan.
With one assistant Mr.. Gillis makes NJ
the whole paper. He is familiar fgure
all through Cornwall, is well liked, and
has his lodging and board everywhere frea
IN 1a ovor an hio faro ccrnnrlOna1v shaw