The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-07-14
AL Sorts Of Paragraphs.

feet long.-Nep York W0rtd.
AL Sorts Of Paragraphs. b
- ton of oil has been obtained
from the tongue of a single whale.
= The first printing press in Amer
lea was established at Cambridge,
Mass, in 1884,
-"Smithers seems immensely proud
Of his wife" "Well, he has much to
be proud of. She weighs 300 pounds.
= The republic Of Texas once had
a secretary of the navy who never saw
a ship, or ever an ocean, gulf or bay.
= Don't give your horses to much
cold water when hot or after a hearty
meal, especially when they are tired.
- Jeems-Cholly Traddles had a
tight squeeze last night. Deems
How was that? Jeems-I saw him
hugging a lamp post. .;
= Chamberlain Cough Remedy
cures colds, Group and whooping cough.
LII Is pledoduG, Sdle 0EA oUl VI
sale by Hill-Orr Drug Co.
= Bibmah-"Did your watch stop
when you dropped it on the floor
Magley-"Of course it did. Did you
think.it would go through 2"
-He-"Yes,i because isawomans
reason-and it is about all the reason
she has" She-''It is about all the
reason she could have for marrying
man."
The mathematics Of marriage
man becomes an integer instead of q
fraction ; he 'halves his sorrows, dou-
bles his joys" and multiple his use
f%ulness.
- "Do you mean to say" ~thundered
the Court, 'sthat you hold any human
authority higher than the laws of the
land ?" "No," stammered the timid
witness, Except when I'm at home.
My wife makes the laws there.
= A lady in W%ilkesbarre, Pa, who
died possessed Of considerable proper
ty, left it all to a female friend who
had been very kind to her-all except
one cent and this she decreed should
be given to her husband five years
after her death.
The Texas State Legislature,
which has just concluded its session.
enacted a stringent law against lynch
ers, and makes all participants in a
mob which inhicts death upon any
person, for any reason whatever, guilty
Of murder in the first degree.
Amy letter for me?" asked q
young lady Of a postmistress in q
| country town. "No,'' was the reply.
"Strange ?" said the young lady,
aloud, to herself, as she turned away.
Nothing strange about it T. cried the
postmistress over the counter. "You
amt answered the last letter he writ
ye."
- If any proof were wanted Of thu
benefit Of good roads, it comes from
Massachusetts,, where it is computed
that property in the immediate vicinity
of improved roads has improved to
the extent Of Sc per acre. Thiszis
clear gain to the landowner, the cost
of the roads being money saved many
times over in reduced cost of travelling
over them.-Jomnaz of Agriculture.
An Irish officer who had the mis-
fortune to be dreadfully wounded in
one of the battles in Holland was
lying on the ground, and an unfortu-
nate soldier who was near him, and
was also severely wounded, made q
terrible bowling, when the officer ex-
claimed: "Hold yer row, vii! ye9
Do you think there is nobody killed
but yourself?
The truly courteous person will
take particular pains to be courteous
to poor people, working people, SER
wants, just the same as the truly great
and brave man will scorn to attack a
weak person or a helpless animal.
George Washington astonished afriend
by taking off his hat to q poor Negro
whom he knew and happened to meet
on the street.
- Police Justice Duffy had a diff
cult case to settle between two tough
women who had been arrested for
fighting. The Judge had q hard time
in trying to get an ineligible account
Of the trouble between shem, and at
last said, sternly, to ons.of the .wo-
men: "Now, Maggie, answer my
question plainly. What passed be.
tween your" "%tStove-lids, your honor"
Then the judge gave it up.
"A St. Paul gentleman tells Of a
church incident that came under his
observation in the western part Of
New York State several years ago. A
pious church member arose in expert
ence meeting and gave a review Of his
life. When he came to the declaration,
II thank God I owe no man anything"
a quiet man, in a remote corner, jump
ed up and said: 81 have a little ac-
count against you, brother, that you
must have forgotten" "Ah! Brother
Camp" said thespeaker, unconsciously,
that debt was out of date a good while
ago."
= Thus do the prophetic jokes of
the humorists come true. A Wedding
Of cyclists took place at Epson the
other day. The bride and bridegroom,
the witnesses, the two families and
the attendants rode to the church and
stacked the wheels outside the sacred
edifce. When the happy pair pre-
scented themselves before the clergy
man, he looked from one to the other
in a puzzled way. Both were dressed
exactly alike. They wore the same
coats, the same waistcoat, the same
breeches, the same shirts and collars,
the same short hair, the same smooth
face in each case. The embarrassed
ec~clesiastic was forced to say, EXCUSE
me, but which is the bride Here
/ 90 oouo1;fv "a mon and pomon fnrnad