The National tribune., 1897-02-18
TRIBUNETS.


Queen Lii is still in Washington. Doubtless
she is trying to get Cleveland to restore her
and put her under Civil Service Reform day
or two before he goes out.
San Francisco Argonaut. A certain fat old
lady resolved to consult a physician about her
corpulence. She had had previous expert
ence with banting" of any sort. The doctor
drew up careful dietary for her. She must
eat dry toast. plain boiled beef. and a few other
things of the same lean sort, and in month
return and report the result. At the end Of the
time she came back so fat that she could hardly
get through the door. The doctor was aghast.
Did you eat what told your" he asked.
"Religiously," she answered.
His brow wrinkled ia perpIexity. Suddenly
he had an inspiration.
did you eat yshing else?" he asked.
"Why, ate my ordinary meals" she an
swered.
"The left wing Of Pap Prices army" seems
to still have representatives in Missouri, in
spite of the Number who got tired of fighting
the Yankees long before the war closed, and
migrated to Wyoming. Idaho. Montana and
other mountain regions. Nothing was ever
heard of that those guerrilas wouldn't steal, or
at least try 10 steal, and this makes me sure
that it must have been some of them who re-
Gently broke into q store in Kansas City ana
stole 81 200 worth Of crucifxes. ] can't think
of any other class of men who would steal
crucifxes. nor of any other class who would
have less use for crucifxes.
only wish that Nevada would arrange it so
that the moment any of these puglists begin to
talk fight they be transported to her sagebrush
soltudes, and be compelled to do all their
bloviatiug to an audience of coyotes and bull
snakes. This would be such relief to the rest
of the country.
WHY NOT A MONACO?
The next thing that Nevada may try for rails
ing revenue may be gambling establishment.
She might establish Monaco out in the sage
brush somewhere, for which the conductors
would pay her literally. This was favorite
revenue method in the early part of the century
with some of the bankrupt little Principalties
of Europe. Dear experience showed that money
gotten in this way was very expensive to the
community, which it demoralized and i'm
povershed. Consequently all those in Ger
many were abolished as soon as the German
Empire was formed. The only remaining pub
lie gaming place in Europe is at Monaco, alittle
PrDcpaiity consisting of a rocky prOmontory
juttng into the Mediterranean, with only
eight square miles of territory and but $4,000
people, including all the attaches of the great
gambling establishment. The gambling asso.
citation pays the Prince fine salary for the
privilege, and they have made the sterile rocky
promontory very beautiful place. 1t has
about 100000 visitors year. who bring in a
great deal of money to the hotels and the
bank"
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune The exchange
editor is quite enthusiastic abou: his work.
| Notice the little gold shears which he wears?
Yes; aud even his diamonds are paste.
Truth: First Passenger-O. yes, know these
Southern railroads very we'll. I've been riding
| on them all my life.
| Second Passenger-That so? Then you must
| have gotten on little before did.
| x*x
| Dublin World: Old Gentleman-What is the
quickest way for me to get to the railroad
| station2
Accommodating Boy-Run.
x**
| San Francisco Argonaut In the early '60s
| Jim Schultz was Justice of the Peace in Twin
Groves Township Neb. One day attorney
! was exceedingly domineering in his words and
actions. His Honor finally gave vent to his
feelings as follows: 1.-THE Court will now take
a recess. Mr.. Attorney. you're a. liar and
| a scoundrel The Court will now come to order
Mr.. Attorney. if you open your head I'll fine
you for contempt"
COMPULSORY MARRIAGE.
The Argentine Confederation is almost hal
| as big as the United States, but has popula
ton of only 415O.O0O. The Government want:
more people, and wants them to be natives
Consequently there is recent law which vir
tually makes marriage compulsory. The frs
clause reads as follows:
On and after Jan. ], 1897. every male from
the age of 20 to 80 shall pay tax until ht
marries, and shall pay it monthly.
The second clause is even more terrible:
Young celibates of either sex who shall, with