Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-11-05

Askins-What kind OF an alarm clock
have your Hennypeck My wife's e.
bow Puck.
"Our landlady had to lower the din
Ing tables three inches" why did size
do thatT Nearly all the boarders are
scorchers. Indianapolis Journal.
Gentle hint: Danseuse- Baron. II
were to receive bracelet anonymous
ly tomorrow morning, should be sure
that It came from you.-Fllegcnde
Biaetter.
The golfers scorn: First golfer-Dld
you hear about Viewer? He's learning
to play lawn tennis. Second golfer-He
must be paying an election bet.-Brook-
lyn Life.
Are you one Of the striking minersT
asked the woman at the door. Eyes.
mum. I'm what dey call a pioneer.
struck thirty years ago, and I've never
give In yet."-Detroit Free Press. o
A real surprise: Ethel-so he drop.
ped right down on his knees and pro
posed7 Dear mel Did you say This
is so suddenY' Penelope-Oh. mo- II
was so unexpected. you knowl-Puck.
Mrs. Peck--If had my life 10 go
over again, wouldn't marry the best
man alive. Mr.. II. Peck This chance at
last)--You bet you wouldn't. wouldn't
ask you Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
The butler-Hand hevery uight at
the hour Of midnight the ghost hap
/ pears and groans ssa wrlngs Its hands.
American tourist--Ahi Must have died
In the cucumber season. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Old lady-Thls must be very
healthy place. Now, what may the
death rate be? Gravedigger--w Wonder
full steady. mum-wonderful steady.
Just one death to each person right
along .-Sketch.
Il must have been fool when
married. said little Tompkyns, glar.
ing fiercely at bis wife. Certainly. my
dear" said Mrs. Tompkyns. sweetly;
1T couldn't come On SC badly oil In two
years. could itl"-Tit- Bits.
Poor Roblnsonl There goes his fun.
Grail" What, is Robinson deadT" Il
Imagine be Is. Perhaps he is Just rid
ing around town in that hearse for the
| fun OF the thing. however. "--Cincin.
natl Commercial Tribune.
''Nfiss Grabbs declares her girl
friends can't deny that her attachment
70 that gentleman with title was u
case OF love at FIRST sight" That's
very true. replied Miss Cayenne; sshe
saw him Washington Star.
customer-You remember you sold
me this coat yesterday You said you
would return the money II 1t wasn't
satisfactory. Clothing merchant-But,
my dear sir. II yos quite satisfactory;
nefer had peter money as dot In all my
lIfe.-Puck.
Doctor--If you must know, ma'am,
your husband won't live twenty-four
hours longer. Goodness gracious"
calculated the broken-hearted but
+ economical woman, land here you've
gone and prescribed medicine enough
for five days. Bits.
Fairly fresh: May from the hoteD-
So you're staying at q farmhouse
Everything fresh, and all that. sup
pose? Maude-Oh. yes, indeed! Why,
after he got through milking last night
the farmers son came around and pro
posed to mel--Brooklyn Life.
Amateur theatrical heroine dndig-
nantly)-You say you don't think the
nersons in the back Of the audience can
hear us speak our iines7 Professional
coacher-No; but don't let that worry
you. They can hear the prompter; 50
they won't lose track Of the play
Puck.
Charitable old lady Ito little beggar
girl)-There's some bread for you. 1t Is
day or two old. but you can tell your
mother to take three or four fresh eggs,
a quart Of milk. cup of sugar, some
good butter and half grated nutmeg
and she can make very excellent pud-
ding Of it-Tid-Bits-
As lie finished drinking his soda he
: | laid his hands upon the fountain in an
unobtrusise way and remarked. Il sup
; pose this is cnarged?" Yes" said tho
drawer. reaching under the counter foi
n pistol; $50 is this" ''The money:
yours said the drinker. throwing
down a dime Boston Transcript.
yesterday" said Jabson. Il refused
a poor woman request for small sun
Of money. and in consequence Of my sc
| passed a sleepless night. The tones
. Of her voice were ringing In my ears
the whole time" "Your softness o.
heart does you credit" said MADISON
who was the woman5" MY wife,
| Tid-Bits.
1t was past midnight. and NJ. Tyre
mort was fumbling about in the hal
. and mumbling angrily 10 himself
whats the NATTER" called out Mime
Iyremort from the floor above. There
two hat-racks here" he answered, IAN
don't know which one to hang m.
hat on" "0h. hang one on each am
come to bed. PETIT Journal Pour Rirs