The Van Buren press., 1897-02-27
Stating the MaInest Facts.


Now in orderment to state the main
est facts of the case more in full | will
give you the great common pint which
am driyin at SO plain till fool-blind
drunk and a runnin-mought read.
There was Tom Dick Simpkins, which
run for the Legislature the first time |
was candidate and got the liyin day
lights beat outen him. Well, when Tom
Dick was yearlin boy at school he
was bright as new money and terrible
smart in his books. He could git his
lessons, it did look to me like, more
quicker and easier than any boy in the
school and always stood pat at the head
Of his class. If he went foot like this
mornin he would spell up to head in
side of three days without half tryin.
So consequentially about this time old
man Simpkins took up fool notion to
the extent that Tom Dick was smart
enough to go to congress or run for
governor, and with that he give it out
amongst the neighbors that he was go
in to spend money like water runnin
dON I'LL ou tntiV bO1 anu lilohS q rs
lawyer outen him. So then Tom Dick
he lit in and run through the Cross
Roads school as quick and easy as a
heavy dost of salts, and the next news
we got from him he was off and gone
to college. He went right on holdin his
own with the best and smartest boys
that the country could bring forth and
there want anything in the college that
could set him back or turn him down.
HI made a smashin good record, and at
the finish he come down under the wire
first, winnin the race like deer in a
walk,
In the mainline old man Simpkins
was BLOWN his money in on Tom Dick
like it was GROWN on the trees, and if
it SO happened that he couldn't drop
his wad fast enough he could always git
plenty of help from that smart and
promisin boy. After comm through
college with a high and mighty furry,
Tom Dick soon got to be lawyer, hung
out his sign accordin and lit in to build
up big name and fame and let the
whole entire discovered world hear
from the Simpkins family.
But somehow or other the world
went Vaughn along at the reglar old
lick and the natives they wouldn't
startle any to speak Of Old man Simp-
kins had fixed the nest and set the eggs,
but, by gracious, the chickens didn't
hatch any at all hardly. He had built
the mill and laid the rocks, but some
how the ding thing jest wouldn't grind,
and it didn't make blame bit of differ
ence how he turned the water on. What
was the matter with Tom Dick? The
good Lord only knows-I don't. He
went so far in fine style and shape, and
then all of suddent like he come down
to dead halt. If you was to go and ask
Andy Lucas, the great horse trader,
what was the matter with Tom Dick
more than probable he would tell you
that "the youngster had too much day
light under him and they didn't put no
packs in his feet" And | reckon 10
doubts Blew Scroggins, the most swift
est man with the documents" around
Rocky creek would tell you that the
mainest trouble with Tom Dick was
he thought he was smart enough "to
come into the game with nary pair and
win the pile" But as for me, | don't
know for certain what was the mat
ter with that boy. I do out only know
that old man Simpkihs sailed in and
spent big pile of his money bringin
up Tom Dick in a way that he wouldn't
go and couldn't go and didn't go. After
piddlin and fumblin and foolin around
considerable, maxim out like he was Il
lawyer and dabblin in politics here and
there, he finally at last stewed down
and petered out and quit.