The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1897-11-23

Spots in the Fast and Some Of the
Great Men the West Has Produced.
B-"Helloi Mr.. Editor.
R-"HelloI Msior. Glad your telIe
phone has gotten in working condition
again"
B-"Yes, the telephone hez man.
aged ter dodge the railrode commits
shun an it il teelin' purity guide at this
time. The telephone says the com.
misehun hain't got any jurisdickshun
In the case an the commisshun il goin'
ter let the talkin' 60 on at the same old
price Out in Texas, whar I wuz not
long ergo, they are independent. They
list attach talkin' boxes ter the wire
fences an go ahead independent ov
the Telephone companies. Texas an
most ov the Western States are in a
curious condition. They haint got any
~aristocracy. One man is just az guide
as another so far az blood goes If a
fellow goes out thar frum Massachu-
sets and gifts ter talkIn' erbout his
great grandaddy h4vin' cum over in
the May hIwer an sayin' that hIz folks
never ate anything but BAKED beans
every man present pulls his gun an
the fun begins. It is the same way If
q TELLER goes out tina an bio Ws erbOut
belongin' ter the +. T. VS. In Virginia,
or ter one of the ''oldest an pest fami
lies In North Caroline" Every man
hez ter stand on his merit In Texas an
if he hain'G got plenty ov merit he
had better stay in the Cast till the
fashuns change out in Texas. Purity
nigh every county In North Carolina
an Virginia can boast of bein' the
birthplace ov a President or sum other
crate individual, or that the first dec
Iaration ov independence wuz made
under the shade ov q certain tree, or
that the gentleman who discovered
America first sot hiZ foot on q certain
spot ov ground, and that generally
squares awl accounts in that locality.
Erbout the only things Texas boasts on
IL that the State produced Buff Alo Bill
and Kurneu Harry Tracy. Neither ov
them were born there, fer it Wuzzsnt
safe ter be born IN Texas fifty or SIX
CIV years ago, but they went there early
In the game an become permanent
fixtures. Buffalo Bills real name wuz
Cody, but he killed so many Buffaloes
on the plains that they decided ter
change hlz name ter Buff so Bill, " an
he Ia better known all over the world to
day than any living mao. HIz prInci
pal occupashun u ter kill bufaloes
an Inguns. He tried ter chrIstlanizs
~ Ingus at first by spankln' them,
but thew c0HsiiRued ter git unruly an
he finally began ter KIN The
etatisticians who went erlong ter keep
account ov the number he killed, lost
the combinashun an never could tell
the number. But he kept on KILN
buff aloes an Inguns until they weren't
more than a dozen or so ov each left.
Then be rounded them up az started
q circus ~calIed"The Wild West Show "
KurneIl Harry Tracy pursued a differ
course. He haz devoted most ov hIz
life ter KILN monopOlists an wicked
politIshuns. He haz reduced the mum
Der ov each very materially, an it IL
only g question ov time until he will
gather the remnants an start a menege-
RE ov hiz own. In Arkansas the most
distinguished sitizens are Opie P.
Reade an Senator Jones. They are
known in several counties. The most
widely known sitizens Missouri has
produced were lessee James an Con
gresham Richard P Bland. Their
fame hez spread yer most on the
country. Bland il known az ''Silver
Dick" an Mr.. James wuz known be-
fore and since hIz death az the KING
ov, Train Robbers" For many years
train robbIn' has bin q leadin' indus:
try in Missouri, and the authorities
have done all they could ter foster the
the industry. The siClzens ov Missouri
Will probably recognize Jesse James
ability In his peculiar line by erect
ing a all monument to hiz memory at
no distant day He wuz undoubtedly
the greatest genius IN hiz line that the
State ever produced He always got a
GUIDE many thousands ov dollars everv-
time he stopped q train. The profes,
sion has degenerated these since his
death. One mite, week before last,
while I wuz in the State, five men held
10 a train near Kansas City, and OWN
to hard times and bungling work, they
only got 81 65. Jesse James woulc
have gotten at least $40, 900 u ov tina
train, or sumbody would have got hurt