Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1897-04-15
DINGLEY fHE hUNORlST.

make tnem largely pnySIcHlt tDuf
Henry Crabh Robinson thought no ont
could be really funny who is not amaz
ingly lat or portentiously thin. but.
without going into the question: broad
ly, il is generally AGREED that humorists
are Ruccsssful in proportion TO ths
amount OF the ineoDgruous. the unex.
pected. the sardonic the Inconsistent,
and the extrayagant they put into theil
productions. II is on such grounds
as these, at any rate. that Mr.. Dingley
Gun demand place among the most
elective humorists OF the day. His
work of creative art, the tariff which
bears his name, may or may not be d
success as fiscal or political measure.
but as contribution to the literature
OF humor ii deserves to be classed with
the masterpieces of that kind.
Z One whole schedule--the agricultural
lis as roilicking bit OF fun as was
ever written in a law. Mr. Dingley is
solemn man, but how he could have
read this part of his bill to the House
without bursting into outlaws, We do
NOT SEQ With admirable gravity. he
announced a tax Of Is cents bnshel
on NIL corn imported into tho United
States, aud one OF % cents bushe on
wheat Rye he let off with 10 cents,
which looked as il the fun we're Tagging,
but ID was not Few of his auditors,
however, saw the point Of his j Ike,
which lay 10 the fact that the imports
of corn in 1896 were 4, 1873 bushels Tex
ports, so, 992, $50 bushels), of wheat for
domestic consumption "a, 600 bushels
The bumor of soiemnly proclaiming
such taxes in an act ITO provide reve.
nue. for the government, is mastery.
Aud tue humor OF solemnly proclaiming
euch even our Western farmers will see
it The prairies will sooI be, il they
arc notalrealy, resounding with laugh
ter at Mr.. Dingley's huge joke.
but there are many more OF us pre-
pared 10 tell Mr. Dingley, In the words
OF the vigilance COMMITTEES explaining
TO the widow how they had hung the
wrong man, that the joke is on us
this time " How little did we think,
last suiamer, when We wsrt all working
day and night TO save the country 8
honor, that what We were really doing
was 10 authorize Mr.. Dingley TO crack
his iittle Jokes about ARGOS, naptha-
2arin black, shocks, annatto, roucon,
assistant, sulpho-iicinolei
acid, and ricinnleic acid, ''by whatever
name known" as Mr.. Dingley adds
With delicious humor. We thought there
would be no jokes harder TO understand
than tlluse about ratios and ner CAPITA,
which we got SO well In hand during
the campaign, but here we are plunged
again into all the prehistoric fun
making abnut number of threads to the
square inch. Dutch standards, wool
washed on the sleeps back, and dan
deiion root as substitute for coffee.
We laugh, because when such an IRE.
sistibla jester as Mr.. Dingley gets off
these little ieux d'esprit, and nokea us
in the ribs, we cannot help it; but
there is a rueful, hollow tone in our
laughter, which we would were away.
Some OF Mr.. Dingley's finest strokes
OF humor are where he refers those
who complain Of his increased taxes,
to his free list. .You protest against
my taxing your clothes, do you? Well,
am not giving you your asafntida
and your balm OF Gilead free? You
think your crockery will cost you more
under my ratios; yet you have no word
OF thanks for my making your divi-
divi, your gambler and your unmanu-
featured hoofs entirely FREQ. y This ia
.fooling, and there is a lot
of it in the Till. But We think Mr..
Dingloy'e happiest retort Is to those
who complain of books and paintings
being taxed To them he points out
in bis free list paragraph 4G9, which
reads, Arr educational stops, com
posed of glass and metal and valued at
not more than six cents a gross -
Who would he so greedy as to want
books and art free, aftor kind Mr..
Dingley has given him his art educa.
tional stops free? Not knowing ourselves
what art educational stops are, we
applied to an expert, who informs us
that the biggest art educational stop be
knows of Is the Dingley tariff itself.
though that is composed of brass and
ignorance, not glass and metal, and is
valued at much less than six cents a
gross.
Mr.. Dingley's fine sardonic turn is
seen in many provision of his bill.
Some citizens complain because, when
returning from Europe, they are allowed
TO bring in nut 800 of per1onal effects.
But he has two complete answers 10
this objection. One is that you NAV
bring in everything free il you will
only renounca your allegiance to the
United Statea and become naturalized
abroad. A foreigner may bring in free
all his property; it is only the return.
ing American who is taxed. But if
you sti i'll say you want a. surar and
speedier way OF getting your belongings
into your own country, he ia ready for
you. All you have to do is to die
abroad, and then your executors can
bring IN freq every peuny's worth.
Wide sec. ., par Gil. Good Aineti-
cans used to 60 TO Paris when they
died; now they will have die when they
go to Paris, in order that thoir property
may be brought back to their own,
their native land.
Equally biting ia the humor of Soc
tion % of the Dingiey bill. This in.
Forms you that il you want to bring in
free, all you need do ID to
import it in ship which YOU sinix
in any river, harbor, bay, or waters
5ublect to the jurisdiction OF the
United States. ~ After two years you
are entitled to dredge up the goods and
nring them in duty free. Who will
have the hardihond, after this, to say
that the Dingley bill is iIliberal? But
it is the humor of the whole perform.
ance that We insist upon. No wonder
the COMMITTEES room bad to be double
locked TO shut in the roars OF laughter
that must have greeted Mr. Dingley' q
tariff JOKES when he first tried them on
his colleagues. Talk about languishina
American humor! Why, we cannot
even make tariff without stufiiue ii
full OF sids-splitting matter. Mr.
llingley's bill may not make him presi
ient--it may not eren make him righr
but IT certainly reveals liz him powers
as humorist which no nne suspsoted.