The Monitor-register., 1897-07-16
A LITTLE FUN.

A LITTLE FUN.
Husband-"Hang it Pve got the
rheumatism this morning.
Wife-"Oh, you mean thing ! wanted
to go out to-day, and that's d sure sign of
rain. ."-Er
~
'Would ycu die for me?' she asked
"Now, look here" be
returned in his matter-of. fact way, 'sre
we supposed to be planning cheap novel
or weddingP Chicago Post:
#*x
"What does that man Sticky do for a
living?'
For board and lodging he does the
hotels, and for clothes he does his tailor. |
Outside of that he does the best he can"
Detroit Free Press
x*x
'But didn't you take me for better or
worse?"
"Yes, but things have come to point |
where I'm going to insist on some OF the
better" ."-DetroH Neps.
4*x
He-'I-ah-have always had horror
of premature burial; being buried too
soon, you know"
she-"Oh, pshaw Such thing is i'm
possible. p Cincinnati Enquirer
NV
Wife-"How the people gaze at my
new dress. presume they wonder if I've
been shopping in Paris"
Husband-"More likely they wonder if
I've been robbing bank. ."-18 BITS
nv
"What are you doing, you young
rascal?" said a farmer to a small boy
under tree in his orchard with an apple
in his hand.
"Please, sir, was going to put this 'ere
apple back on the tree, sirr'-I8 Bits.
x*x
The Judge-"Didn't l tell you the last
time that you were here that wanted to
see your face in this court no more?'
Weary Watkins-"You did, yeronner,
and that is exactly wot told the cop."-
Indianapolis Journal.
x*x
did you know, children, that Methr-
selah completed nine centuries?" asked
the Sunday school teacher.
''Didn't know they had bikes in those
days" came from one of the bright ones
-Yonkers Statesman.
x*x
| sIf a man should undertake to kiss You
by force" he remarked after looking at
her both admiringly and though fully
for some time, "what would you do?''
"What would l do?" she returned.
"Pm no Hercules. ."-Er.
x*x
| Wheeler (who rides Iightning") y
"You ought to get a look for that
wheel"
i. Scorcher (who rides "Blue Streak")
"Think sop
"Yes. Some one might steal it-for
the lamp. y Cincinnati Enquirer
| x*x
Young Wife-"Why, Harry, dear,
have discharged the cook, and am doing
everything myself; we don't have to pay
her $8 a week. cannot see how we can
economic any more"
Husband-'Perhaps we can get her
back ."-Harper's Basar.
x*x
Sally Gay-"Did he kiss you, dear?"
Dolly Swift-"Yes; but oh, l was SO
mortified! l kissed him first'
Sally Gay-"Goodness~ What made
you do that?"
Dolly swift-"Why, you see, thought
he was going to kiss me a moment or two
before he did, and l accidentally got
ahead of him '-HarYer'S Bazar.
x*x
George-"Do you know what I've a
mind to doP"
Bessie-"No."
George-'I've a mind to kiss you"
Bessie-"Oh. George, I'm so glad it
wasn't true!"
George-"Glad what wasu't true?"
Bessie-"Why, Nellie Bassett told me
that you hadn't any mind. "-CIea0land
Leader.
II thought that your son was pursuing
studies at the university"
$50 he was. but he concluded that he
couldn't catch up with them. ."-Detr0it
Free Press.
"Why do so many modern writers
seem to prefer notoriety to fame?"
because man has to climb for fame,
but he can get notoriety by an easy
tumble. ."-C Cleveland Leader.
x*x
Smith, tell you the man who is
always ready to seize an opportunity is
great
Brownies, but he is a greater man
who can distinguish an opportunity from
a liva vi ira - UpneInnd Too1an