The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1897-11-24
Unconscious Irish Humor.

An Irish magistrate, censuring
some boys for lettering in the streets,
argued: "f everybody were to stand
in the streets, how could anybody get
by 2"
"It IS very sickly here" said one Of
the sons Of the Emerald Isle to anoth-
er. eyes," replied his companion, ga
great many have died this year that
never died before"
In an Irish provincial paper is the
following notice: Whereas Patrick
O'Connor lately lefthis lodgings, this
is to give notice that if ho does not
return Immediately and pay for the
same he will be advertised"
An old Dublin woman went to the
chandler's for farthing candle, and
was told it was raised to half penny
on account Of the Russian war. "Bad
luck to them !" she exclaimed, "and
do they fight by candle light 2"
A young Irishman who had married
when about Is years Of age, complain
ing Of the difficulties 10 which his
early married life subjected him, said
he would never marry again go young
if he lived to be as old as Methuselah.
A poor Irishman offered an old
saucepan for sale. His children gath
cred around him and inquired why he
parted with it. "Ah, me honeys,"
he answered, 'sI would not be afther
parting with it but for little money
to buy something to put in it.
At q crowded concert young lady,
standing at.the door of the hall, was
addressed by an honest Hiberian who
was in attendance on the occasion.
"Indade, miss said he, II should
be glad to give you a safe, but the
empty ones are all full"
An eccentric lawyer thus questioned
q client: $50 your uncle, Dennis
O'Fiaherty, had no family ?" "Nonc
at all, your honor" responded the
client. The lawyer made memoran-
dunn Of Che reply, and thus continued:
every good. And your Father, Pat
rick O'Elatherty, did he have chick or
child ?''>
Two 1rishmen were, working in
quarry, when one of them fell into a
deep quarry hole. The other, alarmed,
came to the margin Of the hole and
called out: 'ssArrah, Pat, are you kill
ed insirely If you are dead. spake."
Pat reassured him from the bottom by
saying in answer: "No, Tim, I'm not
dead, but I'm spachless.
An Irishman, having feet Of DIFF
fereni sizes, ordered his boots to be
made accordingly. His directions
we're obeyed, but as he tried the
smallest boot on his largest foot, he
exclaimed, petulantly, "Confound that
fellow I ordered him to make one
larger than the other; and instead of
that, he has made one smaller than,
the other Z
a daomestic,, newly engaged, pre-
sensed to. his master one morning a
pair Of boots, the leg Of one of which
was much longer than the other.
Glow comes it that these boots are
not Of the same length p II rally
don't knew sir; but what hothezs aa
the most is that the pair downstairs
are in the same fix
An Irish holster was sent to the
stable to bring forth traveller horse.
Not knowing which Of the two strange
horses in the stalls belonged to the
traveller, and wishing TO avoid the ap-
pearance Of ignorance in his business,
he saddled both animals and brought
them to the door. The traveller point
ed out his own horse saying, That's
my nag" Certainly, yer honor, L
knew that but didn't know which
one, of them was the other gentle
man g."