davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

The less work a man does the more he
tires other people,
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
An Attainment,

cts untrue" said Willie Wishing
ton, "that 1t is impossible for a man
to attain perfection"
'Who has reached that stage?"
II have. Miss Cayenne informed me
this morning that I am perfect bore. "
Washington Star.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
A Beautiful Adjustment.

Parke-"I have a joint account in
the bank with my wife now"
Lane-"Good! You make an even
thing Of it, eh?"
Parke-"Yes. put the money in and
she draws it out."-Detroit Free Press.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

DR.. J. H. RINDLAUB, Specialist
Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat,
Fargo. N. DIX.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

My doctor said would die, but Piso's
Kelner. Cherry Valley. Ill, Nov. 49, 1895
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

The lower the gas is turned the brighter
1t seem sfor lovers
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Hor Homo.

Dear me" exclaimed Maud, who
had been reading fashion paper.
Last years engagement ring has gone
wholly out Of STYLE"
what has taken its placer" inquir-
ed Mamie.
II don't know. But do hope it's a
bicycle. "-Washington Star.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
An Impertinent Ouestio

An Impertinent Question.
White-"Hello, old man! Why are
you wearing goggles?"
Black-"My eyes are sore."
White-"Who did it,"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

Woman's sphere nowadays, seems to be
the big, round earth.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Prejudiced.

Prejudiced.
There" he said, as he finally turned
the key in the lock; there is an ex-
ample of patient mental effort"
at looked to me-" she rthoughtfully
remarked, like a coarse example of
mere brute force"
But then she was only his wife,
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
A Risky Condition.

Early Monday afternoon a small boy
with tin pail walked into Superior
street establishment where they retail
liquid refreshments.
"Fill it with beer" he said to the
bartender.
The latter took the pail and turned
toward the nearest pump. Then he
turned back.
"Who is it for?" he asked.
cts for the man that's going up in
the balloon" said the boy Hell pay
you when he comes down."
But the boy didn't get the BEER
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

Don't Tobacco SPIT and Smoke Your Life Away.
To quit tobacco easily and forever, be mag
netic, full OF life, nerve and vigor, take No-To-
BAG, the wonder-workcr, that makes weak men
strong. All druggists. SOC. or 81. Cure guaran-
teed. Booklet and sample free. Address
Sterling Remedy Co., Chicago or New York.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Marital Scheme.

Marital Scheme.
There's Perkins-you know Perkins
entered into IN agreement with his
wife, soon after their marriage, twen-
ty years ago, that whenever either lost
their temper or stormed, the other was
to keep silence"
"And the scheme worked"
"Admiron'y. Perkins has kept ST.
lence for twenty years."-Boston Cour-
Ter.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
A Clear uause.

well, you must love to sit up AZ
night" said the indignant mother, a.
her daughter came tip -toeing to bed at
late hour. 5i
"Of course love, or I'd send him
home earlier"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Not on Duty Contin,

Not on Duty Continuously.
Bloks-"Does that new minister prac-
tice what he preaches?"
Docks-"I suppose so. But you see,
he only breaches one day in the week."
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Several Of Them.

Cumso-"I went to see a vaudevill,
show last night?"
Cawker-"Had it a vaudevillain 2"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

Never strike man when he's down-espe
cially for loan.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
To 0 Slow Town,

To Slow Town.
what do you do with all your last
years bicycles when you put new
model on the market?" asked man
of his friend who was in the trade.
"Ship them to Philadelphia" was
the satisfactory reply. There the elf
ference is never discovered"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
No Speed Desired,

Economy is the road to wealth"
said Skynflint.
$50 I have heard" answered Co.
bang; land you seem to have started
on century rum"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Bamed.

Gladys-"Oh, George! Papa is I'M
claiming the dog"
George-"That's all right. He used
to be my dog. gave him to the dealer
to sell to your papa" ....
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
SOME GOOD JOKES, ORIGINAL
AND SELECTED.
How the Old Man Was Banned by His
Daughters suitor-The Sad Addiction
of Hoolihsn and tho Deplorable Con-
sequencss-Flotsam and .Jstsam.
A Bulletin.

HIS office wishes
hereby to say
That lots Of mes
sages lovers send
To be delivered
without delay,
Within our boxes
existence end;
And parties for
warding aught of
these
To hearts whose
fondness they'd
fain possess,
Will make an effort
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Poorly Named.

Hojack-"I read today of racehorse
named Criterion. That's very bad
sname for 11acehorse. f..
Tomdik-"Why?" -
Hojack-"Because a criterion is
something to go by"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

McMurty-"Poor Hoolihan. He's so
shartt-sighted thot he's bound t. work.
himself t. DEATH"
O'Doolan-"Phwat has bein' sharrt-
sighted t. do wild it,"
McMurty-"Shure he can't see whin
dthe boss amt lookin', an has t. cape
shuyelin' all dthe tonne"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Needs Inspiration

Needs InspiratfOn. $SS3
"Why have you abandoned the type
writer?,' asked the editor of the litera-
ry lady.
simply because can't do any good
work without chewing the end of
lead pencil"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
She Was Not Your

She-"Will you love me when In
old?"
He-"Why. my darling, do"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

A mouse can make dress goods go quick
CIR than high tariff can
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Nature and Art.

Tawker-"Did You ever see quite so
ugly face as Miss Passay's?"
Orelook-"I don't know. She's not
40 bad as she's painted"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Slow Gear.

. Slow Gear. VT
He-"That crank has been talking
woman's rights again. --- 80"
yShye5m7itiYes;4,he's been talking them
for the last three years"
He-"Too bad he can't get some of
this years wheels.-Yonkers' States
man.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

death will claim you two years be-
| fore the event."-Town Topics.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

Liquor affects a mans brain, if he has
any. if not, it affects his legs.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup
For children teething softens the gums niam
nation aliays PAIN wind colo. 25 cents bottle
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

The man at the little end of the horn al
ways manages to make himself heard.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
Good News for Him

You are destined TO MARRY riches,
the seeress said; "but-"
"Dut what?"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
A Sure Thing.

A Sure Thing.
suitor-"Mr. Herfather. I wish to
marry your daughter"
Mr.. Herfather-"What are your pros
pects?"
Suitor-"My father owned summer
hotel.''
Mr.. Herfather-"She is yours"
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

A lawyer doesn't know everything. but
he thinks you think he does
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

To Cure Constipation Forever
Take Cascarets Candy Cathartic. 1Oc or Csc If
c. c. C. fail to cure druggists refund money.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

Star Tobacco is the leading brand of
the world, because it is the best.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04

When money talks we never stop to
criticfse its grammar.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1897-11-04
An Unfortunate Addiction.

Herfather-"She is yours"
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14

WANTED-A first-class salesman for our
specialties for Providence and surrounding
territory: references required. Address ).
p Annen Candy Company, Green Bay. Wiz.
auli6t
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
FORGED TICKETS.
Woman Under Arrest For Sw.ntllng
Business Men.

Cleveland, o., Aug 14-A woman
who gives the police the namo of Mary
Anderson is under arrest here for selling
forged railroad mileage books.
She and we'll dressed man arrived
Thursday and registered at the American
House as Il. II. Lucas and wife OF Pitts.
burg. she sold three Baltimore q Ohio
one thousand mile books TO ms many
brokers. Yesterday n letter was receiN od
by one OF them from pttsbjure. warning
him of the sale OF the forged Baltimors
81 Ohio miloaoe books in that citv TIE
warning was given and vi on tho woman
lied to sell u book to n broker anout .
o'clock she was followed TO the hotel. on
officer summoned and the arrest made.
Lucas saw her followed into the motel
and got away leaving his baggage. In
the valse of the couple were found 43
thousand mile books of the Is. a O. rail.
road cloverly foreoi. but not perfect.
The woman refuses To give any infor-
nation to the police, but sits In her cell
and weeps and fondles n Young pet alliga-
tor about eight inches lung The couple
disposed OF number Of tho books in
PittsburR. IL Is suspected that they are
two members Of an organized gang.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
bUMMER KEsORrs.

SHARON Conn, box 2G.-Delightful situa-
tion sh ldy grounds; home comforts; accom-
modate l5 forms on application. au9-0t
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
FOR SALE

dark brown Horse. 900 pounds, a good driver,
afraid Of nothing. a woman can drive and care for
Also open Buggy Sleigh, Harness, Robes,
Blankets, &C. Apply TO
&. IL. BROWN, IL Wheaton Ave.
After $3.50 evenings. ail-w. it's
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14

HosMER's PRICES ~ sPECTACLEs
Steel spectaclos mot from l0c Eyeglass9s
speclSs JOc. with best crystal lens sl.0O; Gold
Speclxs 2.OO, Eyeglasses s2.5O nls u
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
sPECrACLEs AND EYEGLASSES

Hosmer, corner Westminster and Franklin
streets, more than understands fitting spccta
cles and eyeglasses prices one half what others
chsrsa open every evening nls u
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14

TO LET-Very nicely furnished room I;
with or without board; with gas and bath /:
terms very low. 5l5 Washington street. near
Knight au9-0t
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
For SALE.

Go 000-Hack, livery, boarding and
" ,OOO sale stable, one Of the best ever
offered for sale in Boston; has been estab-
hshed over 80 wears and the owners have re-
tired with n fortune: finely located on Dud-
ley ST., Roxbury dist. 40 boarders, 100 stalls I;
hacking business last month $500; hacks,
landau, broughams, 10 horses double and
single harnesses, top and open carriages, in
fact everything pertaining 10 n first class
stable; eight years lease; business enough
here. W. +. CARRUTHERS,
l2 School ST., Boston.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
FOR SALE.

&10OO-Hotel of 20 sleeping rooms, located
PhOOO on fremont street, BOSTON, and
has been "A money maker for the owner the
past u years, and is offered for sale now be-
cause OF his death; has two years lease 10
run. The stores underneath sublet for
enough 70 leave the rent of the house only
about $50 per month; has large restaurant
connected that could be run by owner Of
house N desired or sublet IL Is at pres
ent; the location is very desirable for n
house of this kind, and offers an extra induce
ment 10 parties looking for safe investment
in this line of business.
W. +. CARRUTHERS,
II School ST., Boston.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
FOR SALE

A thoroue hbred English Bull Dog, brindie ana
white two years and four months old. Full ped
igree given. Call on
G. III. BROWN, IL Wheaton Ave.
After $50 evenings, aii-w.tfs
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
FOR SALE.
FOR SALE.

Cl00O buys stock and fixtures Of IA lively
ViOOO grocery and provision store, locat-
ed on Washington street, city Of Somerville,
Mass doing a strictly cash trade, cor store
60x3O, in help, actual value Is more than
price asked: Will give one months rent free
10 right party; store is paying 500 per month
ANY one looking for store of this kind and
willing TO work, this Is your opportunity.
Are you comingf W. u. CARRUTHEkS,
II School ST., Boston.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
FOR SALE.

c1000 buys stock and fixtures Of first
P%ooO class hardware paint and OIL store; (;
present owner years rent SIS per month;
located on the main street in the heautiful
town of Roslindale Mass, miles from Bos-
ton; owner is Obliged to change his business
and simply wants only what these goods are
actually worth IN the market: population
here is growing fast and the place is destined
to be'one of Boston's best suburbs. Come
and see for yourself
w. +. CARRUTHERS,
= l2 School ST., Boston.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1897-08-14
Rooms TO LET.

FURNISHED ROOMS TO LET-Au modern
conyeniences; steam heat. PA Broad street,
corner Summer street. aul3-0t
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-12-30
To Improve The skating In Contra, Park

To THE EDITOR or THE suS-Sfr: A more appre-
ciative and a more delightful addition to the imme.
diate enjoyment and pleasure OF the residents OF
Manhattan Island than the assurance OF having skat.
ing In Central Park during the cold weather cannot
BIS made. Since the completion OF the lake thousands
OF people have yearly been disappointed at the time
when skating ought TO have been at Its height. be.
cause the thickness OF the ice varied too greatly to
warrant II sufficiently strong to render II absolutely
free from danger. II was only during exceptionally
cold weather that skating was at all possible, and
even then only certain parts of the lake could be Used
Van Cortlandt Lake and the Bronx River are shnI.
low and OF uniform depth, and consequently the lea
freezes easily and with an even tn ckness, while in
the Central Park Lake the depth changes so abruptly
AZ ulnertnt points on account OF the numerous holes
AZ the bottom that a uniform thickness OF Ice Is not
Is so SARGE.
With the view OF gratifying tho people on this score
me city should appropriate an amount OF money
large enough to meet the expense Of Milling In the
holes At the bottom OF tho lake so as 10 give IL AN
even depth throughout. This is the only course In
which an unyarying thickness of Ice could he oil,
tanned when the lake Is frozen. Il would also be In.
strumentA, In lessening the danger OF drowning in
numerous. TITpp,, 80
NEW YoRK. Dec. go. 1897. -"0h
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-12-30
A Price Els, OF WIFE Heating.

To THE EDITOR OF THE SUS-Sir: In view Of the six
months sentence for wife beating In the Radcliffe
case, 1t may interest your readers to know how such
crimes are or at least were punished In England. In
1884 l collected from the British press during three
months all accounts OF convictions for wife beating.
The result was published in n pamphlet which I
called THE Wife Beaters' Manual" A guide to
husbands connubial corrections. with q list of prices
attached. Following are q few extracts from this
pamphlet:
Shiliings 8 pence; throwing tho fire irons at
o shillings: beating his wife on the head with a
piece OF wood two months after marriage,
" shlllinRs; beating his wife several times. kicking
her with his feet in the breast. tearing her hair our
trying to strangle her. and knocking her against the
Another pushing his wife in the fire and burning
her han is. 's
! pound sterling; a black eye, trying to cut bis
wires throat, butting her with his head In the breast.
throwing a cup OF hot tea In her face, after having
. pounds sterling; 9 black eyes, knocking her over
the head and splitting II open.
u pounds sterling; kicking her In the stomacb dia.
aiding her for weeks to do any work.
This list is much longer. but I only want TO quote
what1n run a man may have in England for six months'
imprisonment.
Here Il a case;
Cutting his wife's face with a knife, heating her
with q lamp. breaking one OF her arms. kicking her
while on the ground helpless, tearing on her clothes
and burning them. uEsny RourIwr
NEW YORK, Dec. 90.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-12-30

Of Congress all tho schedules and papers re.
lating to this special inquiry toere turned
orer TO the Commissioner of Pensions"
We quote further from the Census Report,
second volume on Population. issued this
year by the Hon. CARROLL d. WRIeHT:
by means of identincation in the regular popuis.
ton schedules OF all surviving veterans and widows
of veterans for whom the inquire. on the special
soneauies mao osen mSas. :, was possible 70 ,soo !.
wi, =, n,nns ra,nsh,. ,,..,.,,cs, ss,s conccrn,ns
,hcm. As tho rrsult of this statistical, inquiry It was
found that on Juno /. 1890. there were l,oaa,o7a
surviving United States soldiers. sailors. and ma
nnss' i'o'Snv suivsins w,oO"' Q. on n",~a sac .s.s.
c.nrss :. mn., hs nraor..ooa tia, tssv are
approximate, as derived from the answers made on
the population schedule. and have not been subjected
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-12-30
A Late Confession.


In the fourth number. published this
month. NJ N,,o;c;ooy A fro;,e , mooo,;,a
i,.,.a /. a.. pIfu.- Co.. ---eI a.
'"o ciuuo, .niouSh io
committee on municipal Administration,
an 1soay upoa ue"Ser view ho,A
en- oy oo. "H"iN'' .ne
go. y i.oenv sVree. Iieeh,ns' wnlch
.m" pi.Vouiy pupiisneo 'us' oeiore
u O .ie...on ou' VI ~ anu as IL
80 y vi .ne very near vi inc receh'
~" no''en', WHICH whi,e IL was on pa
uo ""s ueoica1eo 10 IL.
M ~ oniy po'si'ie ""y W kooo
We 'aAe 'nis s'rih'
Ing p"''s'.
inc OWE Is now hied with apprehension a. to
and the fsar ~ t.r roo aana.., M. ,s,u ~. power,
a return to tho worst conditions of Tho mast Ihavs
no such apprehension. have had occasion, during
the past two or three years. to make a familiar ac-
qualh'ance win many OF the most active leaders Of
nor,an, d,soovors ,n.. ts.r u naro mAae a ,m.
as a rul. they are ac,uated by the same s,nIr,t,ons
that are felt by Others. They seek success in life, and
the acme of such success is to secure the appreciation
ana the esteem OF the people.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-12-30
Guney, sibley, and Pattison.

The Office of President of the United
States, according to the formula of DAVID
DAVIS, is neither to be sought nor to be re.
fused by any citizen of the republic. 1t
appears to be believed that the Democratic
nomination for Governor of Pennsylvania
a5 the election of 1898 is not to be denied
10 any man willing to accept II. 1t is an
empty nomination IN a State wherein the
normal Republican plurality is now 200.
DOC on a full vote. and 100. 900 in an "off
year" For more than thirty years no Demo.
cratic Governor has been elected in Penn.
s~ylvania, except as the result of Republican
divisions and discussions.
Renewed evidence of Republican activity
and stability, instead of discouraging the
Democratic minority in Pennsylvania, an.
pears recently to have stimulated It to more
active efforts. Already, in anticipation of
next November's election, several asplrants
for the party nomination for the Cover.
norship have made their appearance.
First among them in respect of pictur.
esqueness of mien and Byronic process Of
Thought and originality Of political action
1SUVFHT OF Allegheny. q silverlte among
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-12-30

In the world has a larger assortment Of tho
finer and softer feelings than Bon has, but
against corporations his soul Is basalt, He
flddles while they are bleeding.
With the perverslty of their kind, the
complaining corporations turned to the
Federal District Court, and applied to it
for an injunction, that thing tabooed by
the Chicago platform and beloved Of com.
blnations and money changers. They got a
temporary injunction against Bon and the
other equalizers. Bon and tho rest Of the
Bryan brotherhood snorted with indigna-
tion. The injunction was made permanent.
Boz and the rest Of the Bryan brotherhood
trembled to their centres. But language
didn't fail them, and 1t will not fail them.
Boz himself, In spite of an unusually active
season at the Nashville Exposition, has a
supply Of language that will last him for at
least a hundred years and a day. The whole
State Is full of language. Is n sovereign
State to be coerced by Federal minions7
Is government by injunction to lay its
cloven hoof upon the bosom of TENNESSEE
Rouse ye, Romans. rouse ye, slavesl
Bon has been In extra session and obses.
sion for several weeks. He has called an
extra session Of the Legislature. The
Colonels on the staff have bought new
mackintoshes and gambadoes. Stern and
u~nbending Bryanites predict that Bob will
collect the tax on the full assessments at
the point of the sword and muzzle of the
gun, II necessary. The next breeze from
Tennessee may bring to our ears the clash Of
resembling speech. Government by injunc-
tion and government by Hddlestick are
facing each other like deadly opposites.
If worst comes to worst the courts and
the railroads should yield. Boz TAYLOR
must be kept in the Union at any reasona.
BILE expense. The cruel corporations little
know the value of the melodious vessel
which they are doing their best to crack.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1897-12-30
Bob Taylor in Extra Session.

TIL friends of music and harmony
throughout the country have been panied
by the report of a discord between the
United States and the Hon. Bob TAYLOR.
Governor of Tennessee, fiddler, lecturer,
and general entertainer. The Railroad
Commission of BoB's State, actuated by
that Irresistible passion for bleeding the
corporations which prevails wherever the
principles of Organism are revered, raised
the assessment of the railroads from
$41,O0O,OO0 to 500, 100000 The rail.
roads objected to this little piece of phle-
botomy and appealed to the State Board of
Equalization, which is composed of BOB
and two other State officials. Inevitably
the appeal was n waste OF words. No man