The age-herald., 1897-09-12

can have whole oceans of sp9yt There's nothing like it."
 Just so. exactly. But you have to know how to ride first"
 Certainly" replied Mulvehillock. "but that's nothing; only a matter of a little practice. There's asphalt around your block, and it's the easiest thing in the world to learn on.'a
 But l must get wheel first" xen- tured Swiggsby.
 Just so, but I'll fix that; you can have mine tonight. I've got an engage ment. Send a boy over to the house about D. m., and he can have the wheel, By tomorrow morning you'll be pretty well equipped with a knowledge of the first principles of riding"
 When the boy came with Mulvehil- locks wheel that evening MT. Swiggsby met him not at the house, but at the corner below. Mrs. Swiggsby had no idea of her husbands intentions It is fair to assume that had she dreamed for the shadow of an instant that he se- riously contemplated the various in- trepid feats incidental to learning to ride the bicycle she would have clung to him and exerted every mental and physical capabilitv to deter him from his purpose. But Mrs. Swiggsby was happily ignorant of her husbands plans. She knew not that Swiggsby, the leader of the best element in the ward, con- templated imperiling his life. And so ur in her bedchamber she calmly read the evening newspaper.
 Down on the asphalt around the cor ner waited Swiggsby. boy with a wheel appeared an1 asked:
 ''Is youse de gent wots to ride dis wheel?"
 T am," replied Swiggsby, in tones of treasured dignity.
 Then Swiggsby pushed the wheel out on the smooth asphalt. He examined the pedals, the wheels, the sprockets. and the various other parts of the wheel with as much care and apparent knowl- edge as if he had owned a wheel all his life. Just as he was about to attempt to mount, he looked around and saw the boy who had brought the wheel. The sight of the lad disconerted him.
 Why don't you go homer" he said gruffiy.
 "Aw, what's eatin' yep"
 'Go along. What are you loafing around here for?"
 "Cheew said the boy, as Swiggsby started to mount
 "Dod rat you!9 Swiggsby cried, mak- ing sudden leap for the boy.
 Somehow or other Swiggsby forgot to he became entang1ed in the spokes of the front wheel and fell. The boy kept at safe distance, and so Swiggsby, af- ter picking himself up, decided to ig- nore him.
 He put his lest fcei erl the mount, pushed the wheel forward several feelS and then sprang to the saddle.
 Swiggs,by lasted just two seconds on the bicycle The front wheel wcbbled, and then spilled Swiggsby into the street. The right handle bar dug MT. Swiggsby viciously in ihe head, and mark down his right cheek. One of the pedals caught in his right vest pocket and ripped that part of the garment from its fs'stenings.
 SwiggsIby's gold watch rolled out on the asphalt lSwiggsioy groaned and gasped. He struggled to his feet with difficulty, put his watch in his trousers pocket, and, supericr to the audible sntckerin9s of the boy, prepared lo try again. q guess I'll try to get on from the curb this tirne,' he mu1mured. The scheme was a good one, but Swlggsby feet before he fell into a heap beneath the wheel. The mishap occurred just as Mulvehillock, Sperran and Kingsly came along. Swiggsby crawled from be- meath the wheel As the light from the corner lamp fell acrclss his torn and be- draggled form Sperran started back in amazemen't.
 'weM I'll declare if that isn't Magford Swiggsby."
 "Out ridiag?" asked Sperran, winzing at MulvehMlock.
 Are you talking to me or the whcel?" asked Swigeslby.
 You, of coulse,' said Spersan.
 "Well, I don't know; ask the wheel" replied Swiggsby.
 Then all except Swiggsby laughed. When Mulvehi,lock had taken charge of his wheel, and when all hands were grouped around a table quaffing Thigh ones," Sw.ggEby confessed his trials and triibu,a items. When he reached home later in the night he was very much the verse for wear His gait was unsteady, his hat hung on ihe extreme left of h,s head, his collar and necktie were gone. The red mark down h.s face was an- grier in appearance uhan before.
 "Well, Mugford Swiggsby, what on earth has happened to yeu?" demanded Mrs. Swiggsby.
 'S-s-sh, dom shay wordsh; shall right Wush right mt
 You are drunk, MT. Swiggsby, for the first time in ten years, and I'm ashamed to see it."
 ''Bishickle.'' replied AIr. Swiggsby, as he waved his arms and sal! down.
 "Well do declare" was all that Mrs. Swtggsby could say.
 "Bishfckle, shall rieki.." repeated MT. Swiggsby, as he prepared to retire.
 There is no peace in the Swiggsby family today. but there is no h.cycle. Swiggsiby has bought new works for his watch, new suit of clothes, and has repaired his frie.ds wheel. He has sworn off drinking and he views with disgust. the bicycle procession.
 
 If you have decided to take Hoods sarsa-