Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-10-16
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Askins--What kind of an alarm clock
have you? Heunypeck-My wife's Of.
bow.-puck.
"Our laudlady had to lower the din.
Ing tables three inches" "Why did she
do that;" Nearly all the boarders are
scorchers. Indianapolis Journal.
Gentle hint: Danseuse-Baron. X I
were TO receive bracelet auony nous.
ly tomorrow morning. should be sure
that 1t came from you.-Flegende
Blaetter.
The golfers scorn: First golfer--Did
you hear about Viewer? He's learning
TO play lawn tennis. Second golfer-He
must be paying an election bet.-Brook
lyu Life.
Are you one of the striking mncrs?'
asked the woman at the door. Yes.
mum. I'm what dey call a pioneer. I
struck thirty years ago. and I've never
give In yet."-Detroit Free Press.
n real surprise: Ethcl-So he drop.
ped right down on his knees and pro.
posed? Dear me. Did you say This
Is 50 SUDDEN Pcnelope-Oh. no! II
was so unexpected. you know.-Puck.
Mrs. Peck-lf I had my life to 60
over again. I wouldn't marry the best
man alive. Mr.. II. Peck this chance mt
lastI-iou bet you wouldn't. wouldn't
ask you to.-Fhiladclphia North Amer.
lean.
The butler-fiand hevery night at
tile hour of midnight the ghost hap.
pears and groans and wrngs its hands.
American tourist-Ah! Must have died
In the cucumber season.-Clncinnati
Enquirer
Old lady-Ths must be a very
healthy place. Now. what may the
death rate be? Gravedigger-Wonde
full steady. mum-wonderful steady.
Just one death to each person right
along.-Sketcl.
II must have been a fool when
married. said little Tompkyns. glar.
Ing fiercely at his wife. Certainly. my
dear" said Mrs. Tompkyns. swcetly;
ut couldn't come on SO badly all In two
years. could it?"-.rit.Bits.
Poor Roblnson There goes his fun.
eral." What. Is Robinson dcadT" Il
imagine he Is. Perhaps lie Is just rid.
Ing around town In that hearsc for the
fun of the thing. however."-Cincin.
natl Commercial Tribune.
Miss Grabbs declares her girl
friends can't deny that her attachment
TO that gentleman with title was q
case of love at first sight" That's
very true. replied Miss Cayenne; 'she
saw him iirst. "--Washington StM.
Customer--You remember you sold
me this coat yesterday? You said you
would return the money II It wasn't
satisfactory. Clothing merchant-But.
my dear sir, 1t vos quite satisfactory;
meier had peter money rs dot In all my
lfc.-Puck.
Doctor-lf you must know, ma'am,
your husband won't live twenty-four
hours longer. Goodness grHcious:'
calculated the brokcn-hearted but
economical woman. "and here you've
gone and prescribed medicine enough
for five days."-Tit-Bits.
Fairly fresh: May from the hotel)-
So you're staying mt a farm.housei
Everything fresh. and all that, I sup
pose? Maude-Oh. yes. indeed! Why.
inter he got through milking last night
the farmers son came around and pro
posed to me!--BrOOklyn Life.
Amateur theatrical heroine dndig.
nantly)-You say you don't think the
persons In the back Of the audience eau
hear us speak our lines? Professional
coacher-No; but don't let that worry
You. They can hear the prompter; 80
they won't lose track Of the play
Puck.
Charitable old lady TO little bcggar
girl,-There's some bread for you. 1t ID
a day or two old. but you can tell your
mother to take three or four fresh eggs.
quart Of milk. a cup OF sugar. some
good butter and half a grated nutmeg,
md she can make n very excellent pud'
ling Of it.-Tid-Bits.
As he finished drinking his soda hs
laid his hands upon the fountain In au
unobtrusive way and remarked. u sup
pose this H. chargedY" "Yes." said the
drawer, reaching under the counter foI
n pistol; 80 IL this" 1.-THE moneys
yours" said the drinker. throwing
down dime.-Boston Transcript.
Yesterday" said Jabson, II refused
poor woman request for small sum
of money. and In consequence Of my act
I passed a sleepless night The tones
OF ner voice were ringing In my ears
the whole time" "YOur softness OF
heart does you credit" said Mabson
'.who was the woman my wife,
Tid.Dits.
II was past midnight, and NJ. Ivre
mort was fumbling about In Nhe hal
and mumbling angrlly to himself
whats the matterY called out Nine
lvremort from the floor above. There's
two hat-racks here" he answered. IAN
! don't know which one to hang my
hat on" "Oh, hang one on each ant
come 10 bed."-Petit Journal Pour Rire
4 Unique Pipe.
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