Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1897-08-26
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Trembling suitor: "Sir, cannot live
| without your daughter" Crusty father:
Nonsense! There are plenty of free
lunch joints IL yon want to hunt them
| up"-Cleveland Leader.
| He: what Is crank?' She: why,
| n person with one idea" He: would
you call me crankY She: why, no;
/ never gave you credit for having one
idea."-Baltimore Sun.
Husband (groaning): ''The rheuma-
tism in my leg Is coming again." Wife
with sympathy): "Oh. I'm sorry, Johnl
| ! wanted to do some shopping to-day,
and that is sure sign OF rain. It'd
| Bits.
There was strange man here TO see
you to-day, papa" said little Ethel. as
she ran to meet l.'r father In the hall.
| ''Did he have bill?" NO, papa. He
had just plain nose."-Household
| Words.
Teacher: How many divisions OF
mankind are there?" Bobby: My
| paw says it is divided into the people
who earn living without getting 1t,
/ ohN thOoC VIM SCt a. iiNihS WithOos
earning t."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Bob: II don't see much use in my
studying Greek His father: "Why
not, my son?' Bob: According to all
accounts, there amt agoing to be any
Greeks after awhile. think I'll study
Turkish. Round Table.
II wonder" said the fair-haired maid,
"if there will be any more love when
woman is the acknowledged peer Of
| man in intellect?" What" asked the
rheumatic bachelor, "bas love got to do
with intellect Y'-Cincinnat Enquirer.
| Here's another case of extremes
meeting What? Not long ago you
couldn't hire a messenger boy to hurry;
now, since they've put him on a bike,
you've got to fine him to keep him from
| scorching. "-Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
A humorist leaps gayly upon the step
Of an omnibus and cries cheerfully to
the conductor: rs the ark full?" mo,
sir" replies the jovial conductor, 1--WE
have kept seat for you. What hoI
| within there. Room for the monkeyw
lid Bits.
my child do you think he has the
force of perseverance to raise himself
to your levcl? II am sure he has,
mamma. Why, have you forgotten the
time the elevator was broken, how he
climbed the whole eight stories?-De-
troit Journal
| You say that you want money to
buy food for hungry man whose face
| you never saw up to this timer YES,
sir" replied Meandering Mike. Where
| Is he?" Hes standin' right here
was the hesitating reply. Pm him.
Washington Star.
| II have observed" said the sweet
| young thing, that it is the man who
has never married who knows all about
women" Certainly" said the unhap-
| by bachelor. 1T Is the man who knows
all about women who never marries."-
Cincinnati Enquirer
| Professor: "Mr Oar, this is an ex-
ample in subtraction: Seven boys went
| down the river to battle, but two Of
them had been told not to go in the
water. Now, can you tell me how many
went IMP Oar: Eyes, sir; seven
Michigan University Wrinkle.
Hilarious Hilary: "Cheer up, pal.
| Ais not lost us fer happiness yit. jes
( see most inspirin' sight" Doleful
Dorian: what wuz IT." Eighty Ital-
ians layin' de ties on a railroad down
here fer us free American citizens T
| walk overw- York Journal.
| "Bliggins' wife doesn't insist on re-
| tanning possession of the latch key any
more" suggested Mr.. Meekton. NO"
replied Mrs. Meekton, .she has found q
better way to make sure that her hus-
band stays home after dark" What
IS itY" "She has taken the lamp off the
bicycle" -Washington Star.
"That man Nib!ey isn't to be trusted.
He'd take advantage of you quicker
than a wink if he saw chance to do
So" "How do you know that?' Il
overheard him and his wife in an argu-
ment last night, and when he saw that
she was getting ahead of him We yelled.
Look out! There's n mouse. "-Cleve-
land Leader.
Dismal Dawson: Funny, amt 1t,
| that mlIll0nalre ain Huppy INei-
EFT Wrest: II see nothin' strange about
| If. 1t is the time they have wasted that
makes 'em sore when they think of it."
"Time wastedT "Sure. Don't you
know that most Of 'em has spent their
lives in hard work indianapolis Jour
nal.
Judge, would 1t be sufficient cause
for divorce If a man refused to let his
wife wear bloomersr' "That Is absO-
lutely hypothetical question:" said
the learned jurist, that is hardly worth
consideration. The woman who wants
to wear boomers is never the woman
whose husband has any say."-Oncin-
natl Enquirer.
Weary Waggles: dis female SUI
frage racket is boss. picked up an ole
Sunday paper terday, an see de VIM
min are drivin' de men out uf de jobs"
Wandering Willie: Oats tuff, amt
it?" Weary Waggles: Not by a long
shot. Eff de wimmin ever git ter dom
| all de work in dis world, l wudn't be
surprised eff got married."-New York
Journal.
Gentleman Ito landlady): "Your terms
are very high" Landlady: But con-
slider the cheerful view, sir.Y Gentle
man: Cheerful view? Why, there's a