Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1897-02-04
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A certain youthful curate was taken
to task by the new Archbishop of Can
terbury for reading the lessons or the
service in an inaudible tone. Where
upon the young man replied: II am
surprised that you should find fault
with my reading. as a friend of mine
in the congregation told me that l was
beautifully heard" did she?" snap
ped the bishop, and the fair young
curate collapsed. His lordship had
once been young clergyman himself,
and he knew thing or two about the
friend
s. r. Crockett. the "Kailyard' novel
list. was waited upon, after one of the
two or three public lectures he has
ever delivered. by a heavy, solemn
faced Scot, who shook him by the hand
in melancholy manner. II haze read
a your buiks," he said and, after
pause. he added, "up to this" Mr..
Crockett expressed his thanks. The
man was silent awhile, and tried again.
You dinna do this for a livelihOodT'
he asked, referring to the recent lee
L. u,
ly. Il was thinking that said Mr..
Crockett's critic, with still deeper sol
emnity.
In the Exeter days of DR.. Temple.
when he was suspected of heterodoxy,
young curate came to him one day,
and said: my lord. it is rumored that
you are not able to believe in special
interpretations of Providence on behalf
of certain persons" WELL" grunted
the bishop. swell. my lord, here is the
case of my aunt. My aunt journeys to
Exeter every Wednesday by the same
train and in the same compartment of
the same carriage invariably. Last
Wednesday she felt Discrimination to
go. and that very day an accident oc-
CURED by which the carriage of the
train was smashed to pieces Now,
was not that a direct interposition of
Providence on behalf of my aunt?"
Cant say" growled the bishop: don't
know your aunt"
A short man with the remains of a
jag" wandered into the Midland. says
the Kansas City Journal and asked
for a typewriter's studio. He lives in
! Kansas, and had been winning bets on
the football games. He wanted to stay
another week, but his wife expected
him home, SO he was in search of a
typewriter to send home a letter to
serve as an apology for his nonappear-
ance. kansas City, this date, ninety
Six" he muttered to the typewritist.
Il have that" my dear WIFE," YES"
Very important business will require
| my presence in sawatomie for a few
days" Lets see," interrupted the
artist; chow do you spell that Osawato-
mie?" spell it yourself. It's your
typewriter" Il can't" Cant spell
Osawatomie?" he asked, in disgust.
NO. ''Then I'll go to Fort Scott"
When Richard lie Gallienne was in
this country, some one said to him:
MIR. lie Caffeine, do you know Grant
Allen:' "Oh, yes" said the prose fan
cier, Il know Grahnt." Then he paus-
ed and meditated smilingly. Il was
talking with Grahnt one day." he re-
| sumed, land said to him, 'Grahnt,' l
said, what is life?' Well, Grahnt said
| that it was some fortuitous combination
Of atoms, or something like that, and l
said. oh, no. no! don't mean that! l
mean, what Is life? Life, Grahnt!
What is it?' He made some other
practical, material sort of reply, and
l said again, No, Grahnt! don't mean
that!" and Mr.. LIE Gallienne rolled
his eyes. "I don't mean that! mean
| life-life as we see it all around us.
What is that, Grahnt? What is this
wistful, weawy wondah of the wuhld
that we call life""
Archbishop Magee was once present
at full-dress debate on the eastward
position, when doubts were expressed
as to the exact meaning of the words
before the table," After d speech or
two, DR. Magee seized piece Of paper
and wrote: las to the phrase, The
piper played before Noses doubts
have arisen. Some believe it's meaning
to be that the piper played before Mo-
| ses-that Is, at a period anterior to his
birth. Others hold that the piper play
ed before Moses in the sense Of preced-
ing the great law-giver when he dane
ed; while others teach that the piper
played (coram Mose) before, or in the
| presence of Moses, when the son Of
| Amran dined. All these are wrong.
| The phrase is to be understood as i'm
| plying that the piper played at the
north end Of Moses, looking south"
The document was handed to Arch
bishop TAFT, who looked grave.
A Washington man, who suspected
a colored man in his employ of tamper-
ing with his private stock Of whisky.
! allowed the demijohn to become emp
| ty, and, instead of filling it again, put
the liquor in bottles in a cupboard and
labeled them poison" One night,
|. as he came home from the theater, he
| caught the colored servant in the act.
Selling the bottle in mock terror, the
employer exclaimed: Great heavens!
Do you know. what you are doing?
had ,ho% x1,~A l.