Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1897-09-10
HUMOROUS.

1t - tiN lhA lhtA9NAA w Nv ~ NlIt ittt
burden to himself
Some people eau forgive anything
in friend except success.
We couldn't believe all that We tell
ourselves, if We made affidavit to 1t
Thus far the airships voyage has
been little more than IL flight of fancy
Ethel Were ynu ever done in oil,
Mr.. Lambkin? Mr.. Lambkm -Er--no,
but I've been done in wheat several
times.
'Is't hot enough for you2" hc used
to ask, now, when Won meet. he say-
1T isn't hot, old man humidity, not
heat -
Louise, two-thirds OF every healthy
infant life should he spent in sleep
"WclI, don't tell me about it, go talk
TO baby.
WAS that mind reader able to READ
your thoughts?" NO, fooled hin,
by thinking in French, and my Frcucl
is perfectly awful.
A Have you heard the eight.year
old violin player who is creating such
sensation? b Oh, yes. hcurd
him in Berlin twelve wears ago
81 don't see how getting one fr.t
wet causes toothache IS You dout2
If you had ever had tooth pulled Won
would know the roots run clea TO vour
toes
Mrs Staletirm twho mistakes Dr.
Joyial for physician Anlwhere de-
you practice doctor? Rev DR. JoNW
All madam, | do nos practice
only preach.
Poor mothcrless girl he ex-
claimed. and turned sadly away.
What he wanted was a mothcrlcss
girl who should be in moderate cir
cumstauccs, at least
Sapsmith - saved Miss Dolly
Swift life lawst night Sissingtou
Bah Jawve, Sapsmith-Y When
proposed to her she said she'd
rawther die than marry me and So
excused her.
I'm afraid, said tire Arctic ex-
! plorer, I'VE won't find the North Pole
this trip Guess not, replied his
shivering companion. wen have to
state that the discovery has been post
poned ON account of the weather.
Bereaved Widow want some
thing short and simple for my hus-
bands tombstone. Dealer How do
you like Resurgam?" Bercaved
Widow What does that mean Dead
er-I shall rise again. BereWed
Widow-No; make it Rest in Peace
There's one thing about Josiar 50
said the young mans fond mother
"He does like work He doesn't
seem to git much OF it done replied
Farmer COrntossel That $ jest IT,
He fingers over il and fingers over it
like he was scared to death OF losin
it "
"What an unspeakable costume
exclaimed the emperor, irritahly
"You ought to be fired The man
DARN with IL yellow jacket trcmhled
visibly. Il am not aware, he fall
tered, '.of being dressed TO kiln In
that country the jokes are not unlike
the political system.
Little Girl Mrs. Brown. ma wants
to know if she could borrow a dozen
Of eggs. She wants To put cm under
hen Neighbor 50 you've got IA
hen setting, have you: didn't know
You kept heus. Little Girl No
ma am, we don't; but Mrs. Smith
| going to lend us hen that's guiu t.
set. an ma thought il you'd lend MS
some eggs we'd find a nest ourselves.
| A Yankees Patent for Fattcning riS-.
The most ingenious scheme ever dc
| vised by the Yankee mind was that Of
a man who wished to claim as cvciu-
sivelv his plan for fatteniug hogs by
a wonderful method The plan was
this: Three pigpens We're built, one
having several lean scrub swine, known
as 'razorbacks. the centra one he
| ing empty. and the third containing
the hlooded animal which it was de-
sired to fatten The scheme was t,
let the fine pig into the central 1Hd
aud lie: him eat all he could ont ot tile
trough When he hul as much as me-
could hold, hungry pig would Doe Iet
| in, and, Of course. begin to ea'.
It being pigs nature To eat as long
as il saw another pig do so. tine man
reasoned that the full pig would im
mediately set to work again aud talk
another full meal When the ralor
back was full he was 10 be taken ont
and third hungry pig brought M.
when the same performance would lac