The Topeka state journal., 1897-11-18
SILAS HUMBLE.

which leads to the town of Busted Hopes
an refiectin as I drfv that goodness allus
pays at least 80 on the dollar, met feller
pilgrim with a one hoss outfit. He was
also in the show bizness. He was a-showin
of a trick hog an sellin a cure for sun
strokes an frost bites. When we had greet
ed each other with that cordiality which
is allus obsarved among the prOfeshun, he
wtnks at me an sez:
GA combination of mishunary an show
bizness wouldn't be bad. A trick hog an
a panoramy would bring out all classes,
sayin nuthin of the other curiosities
''Art thy object the elevashun of man
kind?'' sez L
mot so much as to ketch suckers, - sez
he, with cheerful frankness.
81 wish thee well, but hogs do not e1e-
vate. I will continue my labors single
handed y
His language to me as I driv onward
was not tinctured with respect, an was
grievin over the fact when 1 met up with
a number of men on hossback. They stop
ped an looked me over, an one of them
soothingly sez:
'Feller critter, the man we was expectin
to hang today has gone dead an we are
lookin fur sumbody to take his place Hast
any objections?'
"a few sez I. ''If was tooken away,
tina would be nobody to run my panoramy
of the Holy Land, which is billed to show
shown that panoramy fur the moral ele-
vashun of my feller men.
'But we've got to hev somebody - he
sez as all looks disappointed.
"Then gallop on an overtake the feller
in the one hoss wagin, sez I. "He's got
a show but it ain t an elevatin show. No
body who wanted to make mankind better
would be shown q trick hog
"Thats true, - sez he, an away goes the
gang.
I think they overlook the man an over
ruled his objections, if he had any.
Bein as we was both in the show biz
ness felt fraternal feelin fur him, an
yit a Snowman who is actuated by sordid
motives alone should not be allowed to
live out his career. When I driv' onward
ag' 'in found myself sayin sich sayin's as :
''Varchew is its own reward" :"
Integrity never skips cog"
''Be upright an you won't be hung
"True modesty allus gives the other fell
Ter the fust chance" "
I hev agin added to the colleckshun,
maxim up my grand aggregashun of dead
an livin wonders an call attenshun as fol
lers:
One stuff owl in placid repose (dead).
One stuff prairie dog in ditto (dead).
One Oklahoma hornet (alivel.
The hornet and bumblebee hev bin
placed in the same cage together, an the
innercent amusement they will git out of
tack1in each other will please an interest
the tender hearted children.
Before my show opened at Busted Hopes
the mayor cum into that tent to satisfy
hissef that there was nuthin to degrade
the morals of the community. He found
nuthin, an he growed brotherly an slapped
me on the back an winked his eye an sez:
THE h ar of the dog is food fur his bite. ]"
"As to which dog?' sez I.
As to any dog, sez he, with another
wink
Then pondered an reflected an brung
out the gallon jug in which keep liquid
to ward off sunstrokes an cyclones. 1t
was what he most desired an he dallied
long an uttered sighs of satisfaction.
When he could daily no longer, he put
down the jug said:
fBut fur the clouds of today we would
not appreciate the sunshine of tomorrer. "
"An but fur advarsity we would not
know happiness, - sez L
'If natur' had made bobtai1ed coons,
thar would hev bin no rabbits, sez he.
An we winked an laughed an poked
each other
Prev'us to the openin of the show
made pathetic speech regardin my liver
regulator an the sales footed up % bottles.
was keerful to recommend it fur the liv-
er only, an sioh persons as bought it to
cure consumption did SO at their own risk
an must not hold me responsible. I had
skassly begun to unwind my panoramy an
start on my interestin lectur' when a crit
ter rose up in the cultivated audience an
sez:
Stranger, mought ak you question
without fear of bein shot atS''
'Ye mought, " sez I.
"Then l would like to know yer objeck
in showin this show?''
ITO boost up an elevate the moral stand
in of all human critters, sez 1.
'tThen it s a sort of mishunary workP''
sez he.
'She be- The small charge fur admish-
un is only to buy hoss feed an postage
stamps"
''That teches my heart, - seq he. "I've
bin feelin a wave of goodness wavin over
me ever since read your signs on the out
side of the tent, an now my emoshuns hev
filed my eyes with tears. y
An as I went ahead his tears fell, an he
wept, an the mayor bimeby got up an
said he d passed through some tryin scenes
in his life, but nuthin like this had ever
softened him up so much before. By the
time 1 showed the pictur' of Noah loadin
up his ark half the people were in tears,
an was SO affected myself that my voice
almost failed me. Things was goin beau
tifully when an ole kuss riz up ON one of
the back seats an yells:
Il ain t seein no n1ewl in that perceghun
an want ye to gin him show. F"
1.-THE mewls back thar behind the
camels," sez L
'Mebbe he ar an mebbe he's bin left to
drown, - sez he. IF he's thar, trot him
in ahead of the camel If he's bin throwed
down on account of his ears, I'm fur rails
I in a row right off. -
I tried to soothe him, an the mayor
wanted to be brotherly, but he was sot in
his ways an had to be flung out. This
brung on free fight, an busted up the
show. but 1 escaped all damage an fell to
say sich sayin s as:
Prosperity an varchew allus roost on
the same limb. !"