The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1897-08-19

Inere is prODaDly no SUBJECT OF more
general interest than Wills; everyone
who desires to dispose of his property
and to control the earnings Of his life
after death must make one. No sub
ject furnishes so much material for the
modern novelist, and many and weird
are the fictitious documents created by
our authors. Lawyers frequently say
that some Wills OF fiction are utterly
inconceivable as actual facts. Never
theless, says the Philadelphia Times,
legal records show more eccentric,
more ambiguous, more astounding wills
than all novels of the world combined.
Every will, unless drawn by the fam
lily lawyer, in the most formal manner,
reflects something of the character of
the testator, and necessarily reflects
his opinion on one subject or another.
Thus it is quite evident that the man
who began his will by saying, This is
my will, and the Court of Chancery
need not make another for me-" evil
IDENTIFY had a small opinion of chan
cery which was perhaps justified, as
chancery did not fail to make his will
over for him.
A down-easter made a will in which
every bequest showed his true Yankee
wit: ITO my wife one shilling per
week, wherewith to buy hazlenuts, as
she has always preferred cracking
them to darning my stockings. To my
oldest sister my five-acre field, to con-
sole her for being married to man
whom she is obliged to henpeck. To
my sister Ellen the family Bible, rec
ommending her to learn as much OF its
spirit as she already knows of its let
ter, that she may become a better
| Christian. To my sister Lydia my sill
yer drinking cup, for reason known to
herself. To my brother John my
| books, that he may learn to read with
| them. To my brother-in-law Christo-
| pher my best pipe, out of gratitude
| that he married my sister Lydia, whom
no man of sense would have taken"
AN ENGLIsHMAN's WILL.
An Englishman who lived in Ireland
and who entertained a violent dislike
| for the Hibernians, made one OF the
| most novel wills ever recorded. One
of the provisions was as follows:
Il give and bequeath the annual sum
| of ten pounds, to be paid in perpetual
| ly out of my estate, to the following
| purpose: 1t is my will and purpose that
| this sum shall be spent in the pur-
chase of a certain quantity of the
liquor vulgarly called whisky, and it
| shall be publicly given out that GER
tain number of persons, Irish only. not
to exceed twenty who may choose to
| asserHe in the cemetery in which l
shall be inferred, on the anniversary
of my death, shall have the same dis
| tributed to them"
Further 1t is my desire that each
shall receive it half a pint at a time till
| the whole is consumed; each likewise
| being provided with a stout oaken stick
and a knife, and they shall drink it all
on the pot. Knowing what i know Of
the Irish character, my conviction is
that with these materials given, they
will not fail to destroy each other, and
when, in the course of time, the race
comes to be cxterminated, this neigh
| borhood, at least, may be colonized by
civilized and respectable Englishmen."
a vindictive old German, who violent
ly disiked his only relative, left him
his large fortune, provided he should
always reside in the state Of Michigan
and always wear white linen clothes
and should not supplement these by
extra garments in winter.
A dissenting clergyman of Yorkshire
made the following remarkable be-
quests ITO my daughter Mary i0C
pounds, provided she dress with greater
decency than heretofore. To John
Edmunds nothing, knowing that ac-
| cording to his custom he will give II
all to the poor. To the vestry Of the
established church of this village five
crowns, to provide six Bibles every
year, for which six men and six womer
shall throw dice on Whit Tuesday after
service, at which time the clergyman
shall kneel at the south end of the
communion table and pray God to di-
rect the luck to his glory"
KNEW HUMAN NATURE.
Possibly no will ever showed a NOR,
thorough understanding of human ma
ture than that of the Marquis of A
who made the following bequest to hi
valet: LAS for you, my good and ad
mirable valet, who have so long takeI
me for your dupe you will now learr
it is you who have been mine. When
at the conclusion of my dinner, yol
thought l was aplauding your econom!
| and zeal, in carefully putting togethe
the remains of bottles of wine ant
keeping them for the next meal /
never occurred to you that l knew yol
took for your own use whole bottles
When you came to me with tearfu
eyes and coaXing voice to wait on m
= the moment / was suffering from an,
trlfiing indisposition, presenting to m
, your service and sympathy, you littl
, thought how my instinct followed yol
: into the servants hal, guessed the Ian
= guage i'm which you expressed yoursel
: there, The fellow can't last much lon
) ger; then I shall get my hard-earnet
| . legacy Well, my dear fellow, yol
| made a mistake. | bequeath you tn
t motto, Masters are not always stupid
= er than their servants"
| Some of the most remarkable will
2 have been made by monarchs and othe
e distinguished persons.
y Henry VII desired in his will tha
= "our executors and supervisors of ou
E testament have, a special respect in ou
| funeral to the laud and praising of Goo
the health of our soul, and somewha
D to our dignity royal, but avoidin
e pomp and outrageous superhuities.
e Rabelais, the great satrist, made tn
/ | following will: II have no availabl
S property. / owe a great deal; the res
l give to the poor" The shortest wi