davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
TWO JOKES,
And, OF Course, One Had TO &c Fun.
nier than the Other.

Mr.. Giddy invited two friends TO dine
with him the other evening. and when
the first of them arrived he found the
host In very merry mood.
"Glad you got here first" he said.
"I've got joke on Jonesby that the
boys will tell around the office for n
year, and want to tell you about 1t be-
fore lie comes"
".Jonesby is something OF a Joker
himself. isn't hc?" returned the guest.
"IIc thinks so now, but he won't af.
ter he finds out You see, he's played
n lot of fool tricks on me that he thinks
funny, and I've been waiting To get
even. OF late he's taken to buying
lots of neckties and keeping n comb In
his desk, and the boys think he's In love
with the typewriter"
We'll, that's no joke. I'm sure"
IL wasn't sure about II myself un-
til to-day. when | saw him sneak In
and lay on her desk n big candy box,
done up In white paper and tied with
blue ribbons. If he hadn't run away as
fast as he could he'd have heard me
laughing. for couldn't restrain 1t an
other second"
We'll" said the guest. who was won
derlng how soon dinner would be
served.
We'll. ! knew ] had him then. 30
just grabbed the candy box and slid II
into my ovcrcoat pocket, just rs the
typewriter came into the room"
Did she suspect
"No; | guess not. She asked me what
| was laughing at, and told her I'd
just seen fat old man slip on n ba.
mana peel. She smoothed her hair
down and said she didn't see anythiis
funny In that-shc knows I'm married,
ycG acc."
II see. We have typewritcrs at our
Office, too"
Yes. Then | invited Jonesby TO din.
nrr tonight; brought the box Of can
dy home-Tll bet It's good too! Told
my wife to put It on the dinner table.
I'll tell old Joncsby the Joke after it's
nil eaten. Won't he be mad. though:
Sh-thats him. Don't say anything
Hello, Jonesby. old man; you're late.
thought you weren't coming"
IL am Il little late" returned the new
conner. The fact is stayed later than
usual at the Office this evening. Fact
Is, III put mp joke on the typewriter
ana | wanted to see what she'd do"
"Joke on the typewriter, ell? What
was IT." said Mr.. Giddy, wlnking AT the
first guest.
Put box with two mice In II on her
desk. | knew she'd think 1t was can
dy, and-what's the matter, old MANI"
II want TO tell my wife some
thing" fal,erCd Mr.. Giddy.
But just then series Of the most
appalling screams coming frosn the di.
rection of the dinlng-room told that he
was too latc.-Chicago Timcs-IIerald.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
| KEYSTONE STATE NEWS CONDENSED.
ROBBERS USED ROPE LADDERS.
Gang Captured That Has Been Plundering
Freight Cars

Robbers, who for two years have, with
rope ladders attached to the sides OF moving
Fall Brook freight trains, In the lonely Pine
Greek valley, successfully plundered trains,
have been captured and are In jail at Will
Transport and ut welsboro. II was easy for
them, undisturbcd on u rope laddet,to break
into any freight eur In this wild region, and
they frequently did SO, and got the goods
away before discovery. They have been Mt
ting out pack peddlers extensively on the
plumber for two years. The men In jail are
Leonard Barton, 20 yeas Of age,nnd Darwin
=. and William Button. father and son. The
welisboro prisoners nte Thomas and Will
lam Button, nephews OF Darwin Button.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

The invention OF Alabastine marked new
era In wall coatings, and from the sand
point OF the building owner was n most i'm
portant discovery. Ii has from small be-
ginning branchej out into every country OF
the civilized world. The name "kalsomine'
mas become 80 offensive 10 property owners
preparations are now calling them 10y some
Other name, and attempting TO sell on the
Ainbastine company's reputation.
Through extensive advertising and per-
sona use, tho merits OF the durable Alnbas-
tine are 80 thoroughly known that the peo-
pie Insist on getting these goods and will
take no chance OF spelling their walls for "A
possible saving OF NJ the most but few
cents. Thus II Is again demonstrated that
merit wins, and that manufacturers OF first
class articles will besupported by the people.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

If frst-class bicycles can be manu-
factured in large quantities for twenty
five dollars euch, how much less does
it cost to build type-writing machines?
Is there any reason Why such machines
should sell for 500 each? Is there
any reason why purchasers should pny
even fifty dollars for such? What
makes it possible for the manufacturers
to secure five or six times the original
cost? Persistent aud iudicious adver-
tising.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
A SCIENTIST SAVED.
President Earnaby, of Hartsviile College,
Survives ~ Serious Illness Through
the Aid of Dr.. williams Pink
PiIIs for Pale People.

From he RepVjlictn, Columbus, Tii,
The Hartsvillc College, situated Mt Harts-
vile. Indiana. was founded years ago in
when the state was mostly wilderness,
and colleges were scarce. The college is
well known throughout the country, former
students having gone into all parts OF the
world.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
will Develop Coal Lands.

Henry Croshore has sol1 TO Osborne, Sac
ger Il Co., coal operators, tract OF land In
Rosstrnver township. Westmo moreland county,
containing 673 ncr.s. The consideration was
ESQ., The tract IL underlaid with the
Pittsburg six-foot vein of coal and lies along
the Youghiogheny river, aud on the line
OF the Pittsburg, McKeesport h loughio-
gheny railroad. The purchasers will de-
yelop the land and work will begin soon.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
Sharply Reprovcd.

Every gossip needs a mentor. and
once In while the need is supplied.
A woman well known for the free,
dom of her tongue remarked with an
air OF satisfaction:
II always try to make as many
friends as possible"
"Of course" said Miss Cayenne; III
one had no friends, how could one dis,
cuss their private ?"-Washing
ton Star.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Ask your grocer to-day TO show you pack
age of Grain-O, the new food drink that takes
the place OF coffee. The children may drink
IL without injury as well as the adult All
who try IL like II, Grain-C has that rich seal
Brown of Mocha or Java, but 1t is made from
pure grains and the most delicate stomach re-
celves IL without distress One-quarter the
price OF coffee. 10 cts. and - cts per package.
Sold by all groccrs.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

From the largest cities down to tho
smallest towns this is the month for the be.
ginning of out door sports OF nll kinds. and
also the beginning of the season whom
snrnins, bruises, hurts and misheps are ns
plentiful ne huckleberries. Every spring
this is n common experience, AID the com
mon experience has settled down to this.
that the best thing TO do is to be provided
with n supply of ST. Jacobs Oil for emcr-
gencirs OF the kind as an especially sure
cure for the worst sprain or the blackesi
brilse. Sportsmen. athletes bali players
and oursmen have known this for many.
many seasons and reference to Il is now
only n reminder to get your supplies. Hard
strains and oyer-work of the muscles will
bring pains and aches, and sportsmen know
what's hest and are never without the
surest cure in the use OF the great remedy
When bilious or COstivc, eat n Cascqret,
al u. IA.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Aliens Foot Ease, powder for the feet. n
cures painful swollen. smarting feet and In
stantly takes the sting out OF corns and bum
Ions. It's the greatest comfort discovery of
the age. Aliens Foot-Easc makes tivht-ft-
ting or new shoes feel easy. IL is u certain
cure for sweating. callous and hot, tired. ach.
ing feet. Try IL to-day. Sold hy all druggists
and shoe stores. by mail for 25c in stamps.
Trial package FREE. Address, Allen ;. oln-
sted, lie Roy, n. Y.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

A correspondent OF the New York Times
bricks OF the old Grant mausoleum be sold
to raise funds for the bronze embellishments
needed to complete the present Grant monu-
ment. There are 10000 bricks, which, with
an lnexpe nsive engraved plate attached.
would command n good price.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

ID. II. Martin, Manager of Passenger Traffic
of the Baltimore a Ohio Railroad. Is u firm
believer In artistic advertising for railroads.
and is already taking steps to place the Is Il
q. at the top In this respect He is going to
take full advantage of the scenic beauties of
the line, and probably an entirely new series
of photographs will he secured.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Girl-His spine Is hurt. Another Girl
Then suppose his football days are
over. Girl-Oh. no. He can still pay
half-back. or quarterback, anyway
Detroit journal.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
Ono De1i,,crltiou.

Emma-And. Charlie. dear. would
you have really shot yourself IL | had
refused you?
Chnrlie-lndced ] would. ] had al
ready sent to four houses for price lists
OF rcyolycrs. Fliegende Blattcr.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

The Baltimore n Ohio Railroad Company
has arranged with Pullmans Palace Car Com
pany for n new equipment of observation
parlor cars for use during the summer months
between littshurg and Washington and
Wheeling and Washington. These cars are
new and will he the first of this style to he
used on the mountain divisions of the Balti-
more a. Ohio Railroad.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

a man wastes lot OF tlmr every day
talking foolishncss, ami In listening 10
foolishness rs it is talked by other lncn.
No wonder his business Suffers.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
STANDARO''@s'.,' @. '''
AMERICAN a ys, U.,.
ENCYCLOPEDIA

Prepared under the e1ilo-
rial supervision of john
Clark itidputli. D. T.. ~,
author of Eidpatn'- His
torres, etc, assisted by n
large corps of editors. aud
over 100 eniinen. scholars
and specialists.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Whenever we hear woman say ,hal
she loves houseworN AMI he care Of q
home, we long 10 carry her of.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Y. G. Simpson. Maroucss. W. w.. says:
Halls Catarrh Cure cured me OF n very bad
case of catarrh." Druggists sell ii, 15c.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
SIX GREAT REFERENCE
WORKS IN ONE.

lie is the latest and bes'
encyclopedia. >. II ~ the
bes selp ed and mos, coIu.
plete Biographical diction.
ary, 2. " - the hes map
ped a las of the world. Az
II the latess and most re-
liable gazetteer of the Uni
ted States. o. II has the
larges dictionary of tech
nical terms. d, II Is tho
most popular library Of
household information.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
No.To.,,oc for riltv Ccn;.,

In every county consumption kills more
victims than any other disease.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

CAsCARETs stimulate liver. kidneys and
bowels Never sicken, weaken or gripe; l0c.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

] cannot speak too highly of PiHo's euro 70
Consumption Mrs. FRANK MoBIs, 2iJ W. ~.
ST., New York, Oct. 20, 1884,
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Mr.. wlnslow's Soothing Syrup for children
teething, softens the gums, reducing iniamma-
ton, allays pain, cures wind collie. 2c IA bottle.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
kcep In shape.

The population Of Italy 10 go per square
mile; OF Germany, $40; of France, 100.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Just try a l0c. box OF Cascarets. the finest
iver and bowel regulator ever made.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

A girl may look pretty when she
cries, but boy never did, and never
will.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

Shanghai has the highest death rate from
heart disease-l, 100 per 10 coo deaths.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
YOUR LAST CHANCE

To secure on most eytraord-
mary terms the late,1 Inust
practical, aud IN every way
The hes general reference
library in the English Ian
gttane. The new
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
shake Into Your shoes

When bilious or COstivc, eat n Cnscor ret,
candy cathartic; cure guaranteed; lOc.. &c.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
untiiJune IS


Our Great Introductory Cupd 0Hr Closes 15h Positively
T. e. " W M @ & :
VIII
IN
publishers
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19
Washington capital and Washington mon

Washington capital and Washington men
are going into business at Parkersburg. w.
Va. Charles Chamberlain and Mike Egan.
local oil men, have put 10000 into foun-
dry and machine shop there. where they will
make rig irons, reels, arms and other mate
rails needed about an oil derrick. The COM
pany formed Ia capitalized 1t 50,000, and Ia
called the Parkersburg Rig and Reel Com
pnny. John Crawford, who has been chief
bookkeeper ior W. Forgie, Washington, will
be eccre.ery-t.ccc:-er ard manager.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1897-05-19

bowel. caused by constipation pro-
ceeding from the womb lying over and
pressing on the rcctum? DO you know
that these are signs of ofdisplnccmcnt, and
that you will never bc well while that
lasts?
What woman needs who is thus af-
fected is To strengthen the ligaments so
they will keep her organs in place There
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

A stomachful of Mndlgested food IS
about as unhealthy mass as one can
well imagine
What can be done with Il:
There It stays. II won't digest, II
churns up. ferments and decays; be-
comes poisonous las all putrid matter
does) and causes great pain and deep
seated disorders.
In order TO change all this. take sha-
ker Digestive Cordial.
II stops fermentation and decay AT
once. 50 thaE no more poisons are Gre
ated
II hlears the stomach OF poisons al
ready there II helps It TO turn the
food that remains. into ,healthtul nour-
ishment. II strengthens the stomach
for the next meal.
Here IL the whole philosophy and
cure n Indigestion In a few words. And
what's more. it's all true. Try It.
Shaker Digestive Cordial is for sale by
druggists, price 10 cents TO Sl.OO a bot
tie.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11
NOTICE TO MARINERS.

Swan Island bar 0ower) pos, light.
Willamette river.
Notice Is hereby given tnat the three
pile beacon. from which the nxed white
ligh, Is shown Oh the lower end OF
Swan Island bar. willamette river or
egon. that was carried away on the
18th Of February last. has been re-
placed, and the light Is re-established.
Tis notice afrccts the Ms, Of lights
and fog signals. Pacific coast. 1896, page
q, also the list OF beacons and bouys.
Pacific coast. 1895. page 80
by order OF the light house board,
JNo. p. MERRELL
Lieut.. Commander, u. s. Navy.
Inspector 18th l.. II. District.
Office OF U. $, Lighthouse Inspector.
Portland. oregon. March S. 1897.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11
FROM CRIPPLE CREEK.

After the big fire in Cripple Creek. l
took very severe cold and tried many
remedies without help. the cold only
becoming more settled, After using
three small bottles OF Chamberlain s
Cough Remedy. both the cough and
cnld left me, and in this hign altitude
II takes a meritorious cough remedy
to do any good.-G. Il. Henderson. ed
itor Daily Advertiser For sale by Es-
tcs-Conn Drug Co.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

II you have ever seen a child in the
agony OF Group, you can appreciate the
gratitude OF mothers who know that
One Minute Cough Cure relieves their
little ones as quickly as It is admin
Uttered. Many homes in the city are
never without IT, Chas. Rogers
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

The chronic grumbler still lives, but
there are less cases Of chronic Indlges-
tion and Dyspepsia than formerly. The
fact is. 81 many people in the past have
taken simmons Liver Regulator that
they are now cured Of these ills. And
a great multitude are now taking Sim
mons Liver Regulator for the same
troubles and they'll soon be cured.
1T Is the best medicine. Mrs. f.
Raine. Baltimore, Md.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

A few grains Of alum in tepid water
win relieve those whose hands perspire
freely, few drops or suiphuric acid
In the water is also beneficial for this
purpose. as well as desirable for wash
ing the feet when they perspire freely
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

In addition 70 the soap for bathing.
white Castile should be kept for wash
ing the hair Occasionally a little bo-
rax or ammonia may be used for this
purpose. but care should be taken in
their application. as they are rather
harsh in their effects
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

Don't allow the lungs to be impaired
by the continuous irritation OF a cough
II is easier to prevent consumption
than to cure II. one Minute Cough
Cure taken early will ward off any
fatal lung trouble. ChaS Rogers.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11
SaItOn Sea Salt for baths at
the Estes-Conn Drug Store
Zoe and 25c per package.

y Boston paper announces that Hon.
John d. Long. the new secretary Of
the navy writes poetry. But this dis
covery has been made too late to do
any good now.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

The asininity OF the average legis-
latlve body was never more beautifully
Illustrated than by the action of the
Missouri legislature in passing an act
limiting marriages In that state to
American citizens.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

2. f. Turner. Of Compton. Mo-, writes
us that after suffering from piles for
seventeen years. he completely cured
them by using three boxes of De Wits
Witch Hazel Salve. 1t cures eczema
and severe skin diseases. Chas. Rogers.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

Somebody really ought to call Queen
Lils attention to the fact that leap year
expired several weeks ago ana that I'm
Gle sam has other business 10 attend
TO, anyway.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

Mrs. Annie Beant Is coming over to
The United States to lecture. This has
not been prosperous season for for
elgn lecturers In America. but perhaps
the ghost viii walk better for Annie.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

Who Is foolish enough to suggest that
the governor Of Nevada might be in
duced to referee the prize fight? The
governor OF Nevada knows where fame
ends and notoriety begins.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

\ little fresh cold cream should be
kept on the toilet table during the cold
weather and applied to the lips and
hands every night II the skin seems at
all rough or chapped
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY.
Take laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets.
All druggists refund the money II It
falls TO cure, 25c, For sale by Chas.
Rogers. Druggist.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

Connecticut woman has sued for
two divorces simultaneously. Chicago
shiGl insists that the tandem system
OF matrhmony is entirely adequate for
all practical purposes.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

The steamer Telephone left up on
time for Portland last evening. but
when about hair way across the upper
bay from Tongue Point. was obliged
TO turn back 10 the city on account Of
thu severity Of the westerly gRle. Her
bell was blown from lu fnstsnlngs.
but barring few other slight acct
dents. she suffered no injury.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

One minute Is all the time necessary
to decide from personal experience that
One Minute Cough Cure does what
It's name implies. Chas Rogers.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

The two pilot scho0ncrs, Jessie and
Han Jose. anchored side by side inside
the .. II. a. n. dock. presented a. novel
and handsome sight yesterday after
noon.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

During the year 1896. s9.gzs cabin pas
scnRcrs, and 2b2.15O ptccrhgc passengers
landed In New York. all coming from
foreign countries, They were brought
Ia on s22 trips. made by vessels OF q
lines. and 30 trips by miscellaneous
steamers The North German Lloyd
Steamship Company brought 1904
tecragc passengers from Bremen, AMI
Gii6 from Mediterranean ports The
Hamburg line brought 52.-
2SO Stecragc passengers from Hamburg
and 1851 from Mediterranean ports:
the white Star line landed q. go steer
age passengers; the cunard. 10000. ths
Anchor line. 1889 from tn Mcditerru-
mean ports. and 6.iis from Glasgow .
the French line 1871 and the Amer
team line. 1?.ssO or cabin passengers.
the American line brought 1853. Gu.
nard. 1882; Hamburg-American i2.i7s
from Hamburg. and I3s from MedIier-
ranoan ports. North German Lloyd.
1921 from Bremen and 2.63i from Med
ltcrrancan por,s. and IN white Star line
II COT
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

Spring goods are out In all their
glory.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11
ROYAL Baking Powder

has been awSrded highest
donors at every worlds fair
where exhibited.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11

There Is ie.2so3i2 worth Of naval work
In progress IN the United states ship
yards This is for hull and machinery
the nrmor and armament being add
tional The two japanese battleships
which are 10 be- built AZ Fan Francisco
and Philadelphia VIII swell the total
a. over f20OOO.0O0 OF the tlG.269. .3f2
worth ~ naval vessels. the Newport
NcNn Company have work aggrrgating
81. $50 600. or nearly half Two years
ago there was IA little over $4,000. 900
worth of work IN private shipyards.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1897-03-11
MARINE NEWS.
n0n wArgh, Low Watch,
DATE An. P.h an, y. ".
h.mn IIhmIh b MN hin Z,
~ D ~ 7.2'' ~ ~ l2blll 5H
Friday 1871 u MO- pOl6H OHlf hll 2W =
1901 7 b51 OilO W1 2QltD 9Rl
Sunday .ltIl . b7 2llg OIM Hdllt DI 10y
Monday libiO li1 Tlil U7B lN4Vll bOV
Tuesday liGil 'HO bDl1 III t4lV D
NrdnRd'Yli7l u W7JIl2 WH2I Bih22 buV

The steamer Signal VIII arrive down
from Portland this morning.
The steamer Queen yesterday started
the British ship Reliance up the river
from the upper bny