The St. Johns herald., 1897-07-24
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ple." 'Oh, yes," replied Huxley, laugh
 ing, 'but We are not all such everlast.
 ing Cupids as you!'
 An ambitious youth once sent his
 hrst manuscript to Dumas, asking the
 distinguished novelist to become his
 collaboration. The latter. angrily seiZ-
 ing his pen, wrote: How dare you, sir.
 yoke together a horse and an ass?'
 He received the following reply: How
 dare you, sir, call me a horse?" His
 anger vanished, and he laughingly
 penned the following: Send on your
 manuscript, my friend, I gladly ac-
 cept your proposition"
 A characteristic story is told of a
 New England man and his wife, who
 live very methodically. One evening,
 at exactly 9 o'clock, they went to the
 kitchen to make the final preparations
 for the night. "Marthy," said the hus-
 band, after few moments, 'hev ye
 wiped the sink dry yit:" "Yes. Jo-
 siah," she replied; ''why do you ask?'
 Well" he answered "I did want Q
 drink, but guess I'll git along till the
 morning."
 The other day a man was witness to
 a collision between a man and a wom- an, both cyclists, ahead of him. The latter got the worst of it, and, indeed. was knocked over, while the other
 wheeled away as though nothing had
 happened. The witness came up and assisted the lady to rise and remount. Now l am off after that fellow" he said, ito get his name and address" Its not bit of gOod,' she quietly re- piled, Ines my husbandr
 Herbert Spencer plays billiards. Once, at the Athenaeum Club, he played fifty up with an antagonist, who ran out without giving the author of ''The Syn thetic System" a chance of handling his cue. It was very provoking, and MT. Spencer felt constrained to speak. Sir" he said, "a certain ability at games of skill is an indication of a well-balanced mind; but adroitness such as you have just displayed is, I must inform you, strong presumptive evidence of a misspent youth"
 James Payn tells of seeing an old gentleman in the lavatOry at club putting soap into his mouth, after which he murmured, ''Thank heaven, it's all right!' Mr. Payn inquired very delicately why on earth he did it. Well" he said, I've had such an in- fernal cold for the last week that it has taken away my taste; every day I've tried whether can taste the soap. To-day l can, so shall not go home, but dine at the club" And after that he did so, eXpensively and with great guSto.
 Jones, a professed religionist, had for years taunted Brown with his un- orthodox dOubtings. At certain din her, given by Jones. the host became obstreperOusly tipsy. Ladies were present. and after they had withdrawn. Jones flung himself, with a lighted ci- gar, into chair beside his friend. Be fore l die, old chap" he announced, rather thick of tongue, ''Im determined to convert you" AS to the truth of one dogma" said Brown, you've cer- tainly done sO." (Which is that?" Jones, with an almost bac- chanal flourish of his cigar. "The ele- vation of the host"
 A Southern bishop arranged to spend three days during his annual visitation at the home of one of the faithful. whose wife was a famous housekeeper. A negro boy was brought over from the plantation to be the bishops body servant during his stay. The morning after his arrival, the bishop having failed to make his appearance. Jake was sent to summon him to breakfast and found him shaving In a few mo- menis Jake returned, looking much alarmed. Where is the bishop?" "He say he'll be heah directly" What was he doing?" "A-sharpenin' ob his teef."
 The late Catholic bishop of New Lad a piano of which he de- sired to dispose, and which a friend q | Protestant doctor, desired to purchase. 1 ch&ff ensued before tha | bargain was struck at a price which l the bishop declared ruinously low. The only vehicle in the town which would | accommodate tie piano was the hearse. and i'll this it was driven to the doe orS door, who came to the bishop in high dudgecn. Why on earth" he asked, did you send my piano home m hcarSc:" The k:shop's eyes twin lled as he answered: "Why. Oh. be cause it was such a dead bargain"
 A few years ago the celebrated Pot CT family, of which Bishop Potter is l member, held a reunion. During the banquet that followed. the various heads of the different families arose lnd gave short account Of tht. pedi- ,reeS and deeds of their ancestors After all the speakers had finished, Ion. William NJ. Evarts, who was present. as the legal adviser of the New fork branch. was called upon for peech. and responded by saying tbat le felt tbere was little left for him to ay. but after listening t1 the ancestry nd history of the family, he felt he ould cast his eyes toward heaven and ry. "Oh. lord. thou art the clay and ve are the POtters."
 President McCosh, of Princeton was to lead the morning eXer ises iii the chapel every day, and dur ng the exercises he gave out the no- ices to the students. One morning, fter he had read the notices, q student anne up with a notice that Professor Iarge's French class would be at 3