The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1897-07-04
DIFFICULT MIDDLE AGE
FOR WOMEN, PARTICUL aRLY, 1T is A
PERIOD OF iUNLovELINEss.
The Art of Growing Old Gracefully
Not Easy TO Acquire-Self-ForS
fuIness the Best Recipe.
New York Evening Post.


hourly waxing more beautiful with color
and growth. and all the feminine world is
arraying itself in fabrics harmonious with
the flowers of the field, there comes with
melancholy force TO the mind of the middle
aged woman the knowledge that she is
painfully "out of it ALL" 1t is only very
few years ago since she had not to think
what bonnet she should wear; she had but
TO look over her milliner's importations
and choose the very prettiest thing she saw
put it on her sunny head. and smile at
herself complacently in the mirror of the
salesroom. Perhaps there may chance to be
some woman who reads this who has just,
for the first time, had the trying experience
of seeing plainly that the hat she likes best
emphasizes the lines in her forty-year-old
face and that it is too young for her; that
just a rosebud or two more would make her
| ugly, if not ridiculous. 1t is a very unpleas-
! ant moment, my sister.
OF growing old gracefully we have
heard much; but though clever and tender,
| and helpful things have been written for
us the art has not been acquired by many,
| and the lesson is hard TO learn. But age,
| the time when one can honestly and simply
say: II am an old woman" is a period OF
comparative peace and rest, and has many
compensations and immunties The large
majority of men and women are very ten
der of really old people, especially If they
see the slow rpenng of a beautiful unself-
ish nature in their lives and faces. So
ciety forgives omissions, asks little and
gives much; the young find pleasure in
rendering gentle attentions and the way
is made easy. And if d woman has the cour-
age to find out for herself an individual
way Of dressing and time has left her face
serene, she may yet be pleasant to look at,
and in the family picture make an attrac-
| tive shadow, which does not serve only the
purposes of throwing the high lights INTO
| prominence and acting as a tou TO Dfllnant
| youth, but is in itself lovely.
This is quite another story from the yet
| active healthful life which is obliged month
| by month and year by year to fit itself to
! a new point of view to see a new wrinkle
| at the corners OF the eyes, grlzzly lock
coming unbecomingy at the temples,
very ungraceful fu!lness charging once
slender waist. a faded discoloration on the
once pink cheek. Only very loving eyes no.
tice these changes as they come. but as
| they multiply the world says: Il am so
| sorry to see how fast Mrs. - loses her
/ beauty; her figure is all gone The case
is yet harder when the woman IS unmar-
| ried The mother who throws her arms
! about her pretty daughter or her stalWart
| boy cannot lose her youth entirely, but re-
satisfied to hear How lovely your daugh-
ter is. She reminds me so much of you at
I'' SOCIAL PROBLEMS.
But there is a still more perplexing diff
! Guilty to be met in the questions of social
| wisdom and decorum, which these middle
| years PROFOUND to us When to stop dane
| ing? When to give up tennis and golf and
any number of other jolly, healthful amuse-
ments for which inclination is still eager?
When to begin to be content with seeing
other people sought and admired, and to
realize that you, so long supposed to be so
very entertaining and clever. are just lit
| tie tiresome to younger men and women,
| and that even your cOnfreres can be caught
looking over your shoulder towards the
group around some charming woman yet
| in her tWenties'' who is keeping the listen
ers in a continued ripple of laughter!
| There seems no reason why your expert
rnse-gardening' or YOUR estimate of the
| novel of the season should be less interest
ing than the .antecedent experiences and
| experiments of your life yet undoubtedly
| they are, and it is a special gift to be able
to detect when this becomes a fact and be
governed by it. The art of retiring Just
| within the line and waiting TO be sought
and found is an accomplishment to be
proud of. And there is no danger, happily,
| that truly clever woman will ever lack
| either audience or influence; only they Will
| come to her from a different source and be
exerted over different class. In the latter
| following IS found what one ought to be
most proud of if reason is listened to; but
! all the same, it is sweet to captivate with
| out reason, and to be listened to just be-
! cause it is you who speak, regardless of
| the matter of your speech.
| The old doctrine of losing that we may
| win is affirmed at every stage of this diff
cult progress. It is surely the way to re-
missed and wished for, to allow it to be
demonstrated by experience that few lend
| so much charm to a dinner or social gath
! ering as you can do. The voice that has
| grown little thin may yet sound very de-
| lightful when heard occasionally, and the
| song listened to once a year brings keen de-
| light both through memory and present
| charm, if it does not come to be hack |
| neyed by perpetual repetition; / know a
woman who says frankly that her singing
| days are over" around whom, on her rare
| times of Indulgence, young and old are
| drawn with resstless attraction. The com
ment always is: mo one will ever sing
| those songs she does" Had she perse- |
| vered to keep her old-time prominence
and been seen and heard everywhere dur
| ing the last five years as in those which |
| went before, she would have been laughed
| at by this time
ONE GOOD RULE.
Old nurses and many doctors get to have
| universal remedies which, let the evil come |
whence it may, they are inclined to offer
! for the patients relief. A young physician |
! once said to me: II see that you pa
| tient of Dr. Blanks This was true, but |
was surprised the clew had been that I |
was buying iodide of potassium. 1t the |
| doctors hobby. AS I grow older l. too am |
| getting to have but one remedy for the |
trials and vexations of life-let them lie at
| the core of our hearts or be as Superficial |
| in their origin as the discovery that rose
color is no longer becoming: Forget your |
self" Believe me, this is a cure-an
I have watched many women through this |
perilous country of middle age and l have !
Invariably seen that the successful passage |
through it's dangerous places sure to |
the women who could really stop thinking |
about themselves and enter cheerfully into |
the triumphs of the younger generation |
pressing close behind. To lose interest in |
ones good looks and dainty apparel be- |
cause certain things are forbidden to us is |
a fatal mistake. Nobility of carriage. dig |
nifty of expression are not poor substitutes |
for the girlish grace of the debutante or |
the sprightiness of twenty. And there is a |
beauty of maturity if we will recognize and |
foster it, and not drive it out of sight by |
dressing it in the raiment of youth.
To cease to try to be agreeable because |
there are those who, coming after US, are |
yet preferred before u.s." is not only loss |
to ourselves, but robs society of one of it's |
chief factors of delight. To abandon the |
making and giving of pleasure TO the very |
young is to have only violins in our life |
orchestra: the deep, pathetic voice Of the |
violoncellos and the sterner tones of the |
war instruments are essential to the music. |
To just these trying years belong some of |
the most delightful and helpful women in |
the world / have one ideal specimen of |
spinsterhood whose dear smile encourages |
every pleasant experience and cheers every
sad one whose pretty appropriate gowns |