The Portland daily press., 1897-10-26

little longer. You cannot absolve mep
am not penitent? How can I be peni-
tent? | do not regret it? How can 1 re-
greet it? l would do 1t again? How could
l help but do it again.
Yes yes, know, L know? Who knows
1t SO well as l? 1t is written in the
tables of Gods law: Thou shalt do no
murder. But was it murderp Was it
crime? Blood? Yes. 1T was the splitting
OF blood. Blood will have blood. you say.
But is there no difference? Hear me out.
Let me speak. 1t is hard to remember
only listen. Then tell me if / did wrong.
NO, tell me If God Himself will not JUS
tlfy me. Aye, justify me thought out
ragged His edict Blasphemy? All,
Rather, do not go. Father
1t is less than year since my health
broke down. but the soul lives fast, and
it seems to me like lifetime. 1 had
overworked myself miserably. My life
as physician in London had been hard
one, but it was not my practice that had
wrecked me. How to. perform that opera
tion on the throat was the beginning Of my
trouble. You know what happened. I
mastered my problem, and they called
the operation by my name. 1t has
brought me fame; it has made me rich;
it has saved thousand lives, and will
save G6u GuOuSduu anu yGb I-l--1UE
taking one life-one-under conditions
Father, bear with me. will tell all.
My nerves were burnt out. Gloom, de-
preston, sleeplessness, prostration, some
times collapse, q consuming fire within,
paralysing frost without-you know
what it is-we call it
1 watched the progress Of my disease
and gave myself the customary treatment
Hygiene, diet, drugs, electricity, l tried
oil R11f naithar dim, h. aI
Indian clubs, neither walking nor riding,
neither liberal food nor doses of egg and
brandy, neither musk nor ergot nor
antipyrin, neither faradisation, nor gal
vanisation availed to lift the black
shades that hung over me day and night,
and made the gift ce life mockery I
knew why My --ork possessed me like a
fever. I.cor.I neither do it to my con-
tent nor lave 1t undone. I was drawing
water IN sieve.
My wife sent for Gull. Full we'll I
knew what he would advise. 1t was rest
l must take six months absolute holiday,
and in order to cut myself off entirely
from all temptations to mental activity,
I must leave London and 60 abroad
Change of scene, of life and of habit, new
peoples, new customs, new faiths, and a
new olimate-these separately and togeth-
er, with total cessation of my usual oocu-
pations, were to Danish long series of
functional arrangements which had for
their basis the exhaustion of the sympa-
thetio nervous system. il5 ~ 49,
was 10th to go. Looking back upon
my condition, see that my reluctance
was justified To launch creature who
trifiing, vexations of travel, was mis-
take, folly, a madness. But 1 did not
perceive this; was thinking only of my
home, and the dear souls from whom I
must tie separated. During the seven
years of our married life my wife had
grown to be more, or other, than the OBJ
ject of my love. That gentle soothing,
of an affectionate woman, who is all
strength and courage, may bring to q
man who is wasted by work or worry
my wife's presence had long brought to
me, and I shrank from the thought of
scenes where she could no longer move
about me, meeting my wishes and antici-
patlng my wants.
l had another weakness which did not
know. My boy, a little son six years of
age the day before l set sail, was all the
world to me. Paternal love may eat up
all the other passions. It was SO in my
case. The tyranny of my affection for
my only child was even more constant
and unrelenting than the tyranny of my
WOIRs Ndy3 Uu6 pWO WOIC OAOI lOT OuU
of my instinct as father came my
strength as doctor. The boy had suff-
cred a throat trouble from his BIRTH
When he was babe I delivered him from
| a fierce attack of it, and when he was
four brought him back from the jaws
of death. Thus twice | had saved his
| life, and each time that life had become
the dearer to me. But too we'll knew
that the mischief was beaten down, and
not conquered. Some day it would re-
turn with awful virulence. To meet
that terror wrought by day and night
| No slave ever toiled 80 hard. | denied
myself rest, curtailed my sleep, and stole
from tranquil reflection and repose half
hours and quarter-hours spent in the
carriage going from patient to patient.
The attack might come suddenly, and !
must be prepared. I was / working
against time. Ms@
| You know what happened. The attack
| did not come; my boy continued well,
| but my name became known and my
discovery established. The weakness of
my own child had given the bent to my
studies. If l had mastered my subject it
| was my absorbing love of my little one
| that gave me the impulse and direction.
But I had paid my penalty. My health
was wreck, and l must leave everything
| behind me. If it had been possible to
| take nv wife and boy along with me,
how different the end might have been
Should be lying here nowhere on this
bed-with you, Father, you
| We spent our boys birthday with what
cheer we could command For my life it
seemed to be day of quiet happiness,
hallowed by precious memories-the
dearest and most delicious that ever a
mother ever knew of the babyhood of
her boy-his pretty lisp, his foolish pratt
| tie, his funny little ways and sayings
and sweetened by the anticipation Of the
health that was to return to me as the re-
| suit of rest and change. The child him
self was bright and gamesome, and for
my part gave way to some reckless and
noisy jollity. a;r,
Thus the hours passed until bedtime,
and then, as saw the little fellow tucked
up in his crib, it crossed my mind for a
| moment that he looked less we'll than
usual. Such fancies were common to
me, and knew from long experience
that it was folly to give way to them. To
do SO at that time must have been weak
ness too pitiful for my manhood had
already gone far enough for my own self
respect. To my old colleague and fellow
student, Granville Wenman, 1 had given
elaborate instructions for all possible
contingencies.