The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1897-03-11
His mood was very much the same
NJ nnt+nr ,rhnt no Snw.

Washington Star.
Watts-What was the longest prize
fight on record? Potts-Vocal or man.
ual?-Indianapolis Journal.
''Madge is such ii peculiar girl"
How so?" "She thinks she hasn't any
peculiarities Chicago Record.
Scribbler-Does your wife laugh at
your jokes in the paper? Punster-Yes,
but only on payday.-Commercial .Ad-
yertiser.
He was a reckless youth. How old
are yon" he asked boldly. Sir" she
said, Il am not old."-New York Even
ing Journal.
Editor Ito comic paragraphist)-Your
jokes lack originality. Comic para
graphist Grritably)-So does your criti-
ciSm.-Tid-BitS.
Does your wife call you as many pet
names as she did when you were first
married." "Er-not as many pet ones"
indianapolis Journal.
Smith-Jones seems to have no
thought for anything except his clothes.
Brownies; he is perfectly wrapped
up in them.-Yale Record.
When a woman is on her wedding
trip she thinks her husband has quit
loving her as soon as he gets interested
in a bill Of fare.-New York Press.
Were you at the play last night?'
'Yes." How was it?' 'Out of sight,
"Confound the women, why don't they
stop wearing those high ats?"-Chi-
cago Times Herald.
I'd rather be most any man
In history's class or flames bright bands
Than Atlas, for he always had
A world of trouble On his hands.
Cincinnati Tribune.
Van Duder-I want to know some
thing, Miss Amy. AMY have thought
for years, Mr.. Van Duder, that that
was just what you wanted.-Harlem
Life.
Mrs. Bigsby lets her husband prac-
tice on his cornet at home" Whats
that for?' ut gives her an excuse to
be away all the time.''-Chicago Rec
ord.
rs he a scientific fghter?' "Scien-
tific?" echoed the pugilist contemptu-
ously. why, he couldn't parse a single
sentence of his challenge!!'-Washing-
ton Star.
Il know where you can get an eight
day clock for 20 cents" IAN eight-day
clock? How's that?' 'Oh, it lasts eight
days. Then you get a new one."-Har-
ward Lampoon.
Dorothy is much encouraged about
her literary ambitions" why? Has
she sold aDything?" NO; but her hand
writing is getting worse and worse
Chicago Record.
Each day his roses as surprises
Come. If he knew, the stupid thing,
That in two months at present prices
He'd save enough TO buy a ring!
Life.
Contributor-What a surly sort Of
chap that fellow who writes your jokes
is. Editor (sadly)-Yes. he is; and from
what he sends me I'm afraid he's been
out of humor for a long while.-.An-
SwerS.
Fuddy-There's tumble over oppo-
site. He prides himself upon the good
things he gets off in conversation. Dud-
dy-Should think he would; they occur
so seldom. you know.-Boston Tran
script.
Little Borcham (relating his Alpine
adventures)-There l stood, the terrible
abyss yawning at my feet. That Brute
Brown-Was it yawning when you got
there, or did it start after you arrived?
New York Evening Journal.
Young wife-I always thought you
were the bravest man in the world
while We were counting. You wouldn't
go to Canada in case of another war.
would you. dear? Not if the war was
with Canada."-Detroit Free Press.
Hattie-What's the matter with Gus
tavus? He never calls any more. Hor-
tense-Why, one night when he was at
the house l called him 1.-The light
of my life" and papa came in and said
it was about time the light was put out.
-Yonkers Statesman.
HumoriSt's Wife-You must not trou-
BILE your papa just now, dear: in his
present mood he is not to be trifed
with. HumoriSt's Child-What is he
doing, ma? Humorist's Wife-He is
writing things to make people laugh
lid Bits.
Family Doctor-Well, let me congrat-
ulate you. Patient very excitedly)-
Am l going to recover? Doctor-No,
not exactly. but-well, after long con-
sultation we find that your disease is
entirely new, and if the autopsy should
prove the fact we have decided to name
it after you.-Tid Bits.
Dennis-Arrah. Pat, and so yez have
come back TO shtay? Why didn't yez
loike it out West in that place where
yez had such a good job? Pat-Och.
it's no place fer Il Christian mon. Den
mis-. There amt a livin' soul about the
place that hasn't died wild the malay
rium.-Cleveland Leader.
Visitor (grut1y)-Are you the editor?
Editor without looking up from his