New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1897-05-04
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

There are an the State of Connecticut alone fifty
four women who are daughters of soldiers who
fought in the Revolutionary War.
A Desperate case.-"Mrs, Higgins is still wildly
In love with her husband"
Does she put tho buttons in his shirts for him
YETI"
NO; but no told her he sat up all night playing
poker without any stakes-and she believes him"
-(Detrot Free Press.
The Berlin municipal authorities have granted
license to a society to erect in public places and
squares where children in the habit of playing
automatic machines for tho sale OF condensed milk.
The following remarkable epitaph is from n tomb
stone in one of the rural districts OF Georgia.
He kept a grocery I'm the woods
Until by death surprised;
MS ESP patrons always aG,!ay,a found his goods
ATLANTA Constitution
1t was at a recent meeting of women, and a num-
Der of delegates had made earnest addresses when
a little woman in the OF the hall arose and ad-
dressing the Chair. said: Madame President l am
tired of so many squeaky Sopranos l want to hear
a man"
lmperishable.-I find It impossible to kill the
nerve" exclaimed the dentist in troubled tone.
I'm drummer" with ring of pride in his
voice.-(Detroit Free Press.
Major William Dickey OF Fort Kent Me. known
all over Maine by his sobriquet of THE Duke OF
Fort Kent" is i'll in his home in the old United
states BARRACKS Whlch were built during the
Aroostook War. ONing to the Majors advanced
age his Illness is expected to terminate fatally. AL
though nearly ninety years Old he served in the
last Legislature as representative from the NADIA
waska territory He has been repeatedly elected
representative by his people the French-C Canadian
jewellers in tho st. John Valley. and has served
In more than twenty Legislatures. For years he
has exercised almos. patriarchal sway over his
constituents
COOKING ACCORDING TO SCIENCE.
Give me a spoon of ole0. ma,
And the sodium alkal
For I'm going to bake pie. mamma.
I'm going TO bake a pie.
For John will be hungry and tired. ma.
And his tissues will dccompose;
SO give me gramme of phosphate.
And the carbon and ceNulose
Now give me chunk of case!ne. ma
To shorten the thermic fat;
And hand me the oxygen bottle, ma,
And look at the thcrmOstat;
And II the electric ovens cold
Just turn 1t on half an ohm,
For want 10 have supper ready
As soon az John comes home
Now pass me the neutral dope mamma
But give me the steriliZed water first
And the oeomargarne,
And the phosphate. 700, for now think.
The new tXpewritcrs quit,
And John will need more phosphate food
To help his brain a bit.
-(New- England Magazine.
Joseph jefferson has just told Washington
newspaper man the following story Oh himself.
Some years ago he entered the elevator OF the
Fifth Avenue Hotel In this city and found It oc-
cupied by unassuming gentleman. who looked
at him a second and then greeted him quietly:
Good morning. Mr. Jefferson" Good morning;
how're YEP" responded Rip, careessly "You don't
remember me?' observed the quaint gentleman.
MY name Is Grant" "Oh yes: Grant: yes indeed:
how are ye. Grant? Nice day" ITS time
since we met" Yes. so it is. to be sure: how're
you hecn?" I'm Washington, believe. l you
last" persisted the quiet gentleman 80 IL was;
I'd forgotten. Living there yet" mo. I'm living
here in New-York" Moved over eh? Lots of
people do that New-York's a great place. Meet
lots OF old friends here every day" responded the
actor searching his memory for identification.
Grant. Ell? What's your other name" Ulysses
S Grant" 1.-THE devil you say! General. | beg
your pardon I'm awful fool about forgetting
faces. but II you'll forgive me I'll never forget
yours again"
Family Affar.-Languid Misunderstanding.
who was that ill-bred child with you and the baby
The Maid-Yolr eldest madame Chicago Jour
nal
THE Philadelphia Record" says: with the
cent sale OF the towboat Colonel Thomas A. Scott.
which is to be converted into wrecking craft the
old type OF sidewheel towboats has disappeared
from the Atlantic Coast OF the United States. Not
long ago it a common sight to them with
dozens OF barges slowly but surely working their
way up and down the Delaware River. On the in
land waters OF the United States n few still
main, but their days are numbered. the pro-
peller type Of towing craft IL much easier handled
and does better work"
Teaching "A Lost Art.-"A Ncw-lork woman" he
said looking at her over the tops of his glasses.
has gone into the business OF teaching women how
TO walk"
Somehow 1t seemed TO strike her Joke
Think OF it, she said. Just when the price OF
wheels Is coming down too ! began to think you
right. John. when you said that women had
no business sense"-(Chlcago Post