The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1897-03-10
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Mamma-"Now, take this, Johnny.
You like sugar, you know" Johnny
eyes, but pills spoil it. t."-Puck.
Teacher-"Who is that whistling in
school?" New Boy-"Me. Didn't you
know / could whistle ?"-London FL
garo.
She" Strange how wet it is. He
-"Be stranger still if it we're dry
with such heavy rains. Comic Home
Journal.
He-"Miss Belle is easily deceived.
She-"How's that? "He-"She thinks
she's mad because kissed her.
Town Topics.
He-"May 1 kiss you? / have
never kissed a girl before" She
''You can't break any records with
me. Town Topics.
Beautiful Heiress latter the balD
''Mary, go back to the hall and see if
perhaps there are any more lleutenants
kneeling about. ."-Fliegende Blaetter
His Father-"Now you can see what
your course of living has brought you
to-" The Spendthrift-"Yo indeed
| can't borrow another cent. Puck.
"The man brought ton of coal yes
terday, and now it's gone. 1t must
have been stolen" "Don't be hasty
Perhaps you mislaid it yourself.
Detroit Tribune.
Prison Inspectors-"That man over
there seems to positively enjoy the
treadmill." Warder-"Yes, sir. 'E's
used to the haction. e was bicycle
thief "-Household Words.
Mrs. Knight-"Doss your husband
treat you the same now as he did when
he was courting you?" Mrs. Laight-
"Pretty much. He keeps me in the
dark. ."-Yonkers Statesman.
'Look here, Gerald Your father
and Captain Armstrong are giving
Ella lesson on the bicycle" Eyes,
Mummie; but why does Ella always
fall off on Captain Armstrong; side2"
Punch.
81 wonder what got Bluebeard
starting to cutting off his wives
heads?" ''Very the likely the idea
occurred to him while he was at the
theatre behind a big hat.
! apolis Journal.
HAS your husband the button
collecting fad?" inquired the caller.
"Well, replied young Mrs. Torkins
loubtlully; che usually helps take
lp the contribution in our church. -
Washington Star.
In Russia teachers are none too well
cahn1ngIsa
one proposed the toast: "Long live
our school teachers" What on?"
asked cadaverous-looking specimen,
rising in his seat. Tit bits.
Cholly-"1 wonder if your father
would fly into a passion if l we're TO
ask him for your Adelaide -"Not
if you tell him first that he looks
twenty years younger since he shave
off his whiskers. ."-Cleyeland Leader.
Mrs. Tamblin (tearfully): "They
brought my husband home in hack
from the banquet last night. How did
yours get home? ?" Mira. Sanderson--'I
don't know, but I suspect that he was
carried along by his breath. "-Cleve'
land Leader.
Medium Ito party at sitting) 1.-THE
| spirit of your deceased husband
desires to converse with you" Wife
"Huh if he amt got no more spirit
now than he had when he died, he
amt worth troubling about. New
York World.
He-"I have often wished, dearest,
that we lived in the old days OF
] Il, I al,,1l 4 hroxTn OF
to prove my devotion to you" She
"I have wished so myself, Edwin but
still, you haven't asked papa's consent
yet. Lark.
"How matrimony does change a
mani" "Huh 1t changes woman,
too. When we were engaged my
wife-to. he was always trying to make
me save money. Now she doesn't
gimme chance TO save cent. -
Chicago Enquirer.
Magistrate gamekeeper says
that he saw you taking this pheasant.
What have you to say to thatY'
Prisoner-"I only took it for a lark. -
Magistrate-"Sixm months for making
such an ornithological error. Con-
suit your natural history in future. !"
Judy.
"Have you been able to catch the
Speakers eye?' asked the first lady
member OF Parliament. "Haye l2'
rejoined the second Nj. Z. "Well,
rather; l wore my navy blue bengaline
With the heliotrope sleeves, and the
speaker couldn't keep his eyes oifme.
-Pearson's Weekly.
The Ooctor-"Mrs. Briggs has sent
Tor me to go aud see her boy, and l
must 90 at once" "What is the mat
Ter with the boy?" The Doetor-"l
ion't know; but Mrs. Briggs has a
book on what to do Before the Doc
tor Comes" and l must hurry up
before she does IT, '--CollieT's Weekly,