Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1897-03-11
DOubly Surprised.


Mr.. Parker, besides being a phil
anthrOpist, is scientist. He is in
terested in all the discoveries OF
modern philosophers, from PolycarI
Z. Pillycamp down to those lately
2 s e IN b ed in convention. Mr.
Parker reads all the transactions OF
all the societies for the Promulga
ton of This, That and The Other,
and discourses learnedly thereon
Yesterday, Mr.. Parker read that q
lady had presented n paper before
the Science Association in Nashville
in which, among other valuable
things, she had suggested a method
for the eXtermination of MOSQUITOES,
"Takc pOwder,n said the eStimable
woman, "and place it in shovel
close all the doors and windows of
your room, and then explode the
powder. The conclusion will exter-
inmate all the mosquitoes i'm the
apartment"
What a discovery !" said Mr..
Parker, as he read, glowing with ex-
citement, and emphasizing his re.
mark with reSounding slap on the
bald spot on top of his head, where
one Of the pests, whose destruction
he was meditating, had established
himself in business. "Great guns ~
continued he, "what noble idea !
So simple, so inexpensive, so easily
applied. No complicated apparatus
needed only shovel. Who is
there that hasn't n shovel and a
pound or two of powder? Where
is there grOccr'S shop at which one
cannot get powder? And only to
think that this philanthropic inven-
ton should have been struck out, In
moment of inspiration, by wo-
man! o woman" said Mr.. Parker,
ecstatically, "in our hours of ease,
uncertain, coy, and hard to please A;
but when mosquitoes nip the brow, a
fierce, destroying angel thou !" At
the conclusion of this apostropho to
woman, Mr.. Parker, seizing his
shovel in his right hand, pointed it
towards heaven, and, assuming an
attitude of Liberty Enlightoning the
world, shouted Tableau !" i'm a
loud voice. Then he went out and
bought two pounds of powder.
When Mr.. Parker returned to his
room he made elaborate prepara-
tions. He closed the windows
carefully, and, to secure the best re-
suits, stuffed cotton in all the cracks
then he shut all the doors and locked
them. After he had finished these
arrangements, he glanced about the
room. Two fat mosquitoes sat leer-
ing at him from the top of the book
case. All was calm without; through
the closed windows came the mufiled
hum of the city's myriad activities
The wall of a peripatetic glaZiel
could be painfully heard, and his
pathetic "glass puddin' sounded
like a prophecy. The sun shone
brightly, and the birds sang sweetly
the waters of the bay danced to the
huting of the breeze. Within, al
was silence and expectation. "Ahan
said Mr.. Parker, pouring the pow
der into the shovel, and perhaps fan
cying himself modern Guy Fawke.
-" s'death, odds bodkins, caitiffs
thine hour has come," (hc was adj
dressing the mosIuitoes) "thy shift
up, by my halidom!" !"
BY this time the shovel was fui
of powder, and, dropping his char
acter Of conspiratOr, Mr.. Parke
rubbed his hands cheertully together
and began to hunt for a match. A
last he found one; he scratched /
upon the wall, but before he applied
) it he thought of passage from Or
pheus. Just the thing" said he
"for funeral oration. I'll Civ,
it to 'em." Then, keeping one ey,
on the mosquitoes and the other OF
the match, he said, 81 have placeC
my hands in the hamper. hav
tasted the sacred barley. hav
beaten the drum. | have said 'kO
nox ompaX, and it is finished
Mr.. Parker touched the match t
the powder--!!!!!! 1t was finished
AS the policeman conducted MI
Parker through the streets half a
hour after the explosion, the boy
thought the tattooed man had bee
arrested for getting drunk, to sue
. an extent had the epidermical ad
, ministration of powder changed tn
PnilanthrOplc c0untenance OF MI
Parker.
: " What have you to say, sill
? against the charge of attempting t
blow up the city?" asked the ster
sergeant in the station.h house.
=, "It was great surprise to-
me, sir" said Mr.. Parker, in daze
, manner, "and | have no doubt
was surprise to the mosquitoes. ;"
= what can the man mean? TAX
him to the deepest dungeon MEATH
o " Eff yo please, sergeant, I know
t this gent. II Is a scientific gent, al
o was a-tryin' an Experiment wen
went off, SIR" The speaker had
box full Of glass on his back it WI
o the man whose "glass puddin'
f had sounded like prophecy.
O "Saved !" said Mr.. Parker.
8 The peripatetic glazier had a jc
u a a -