Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1897-10-30
S77!zNgZz


horribly Jealous without any cause.
Maud-Don't be anxious. dear: Ill take
care he never does that.--Pick. Mc-up.
1.-TWO hours of sleep before midnight
are better than four after that hour"
"Fiddlesticks. Two hours of sleep az
ter one in the morning are better than
all the others. West Union Gazette
BLESS my soul.' cried the shade. rs
he entered the golden gates and they
gave him trumpet: II never learned
TO play this thing.' That's the reason
you're here" remarked st. Peter.-Ba.
Zar.
Reporter--well. I got the great DR..
Slasher to sign that article for next
Sundays edition. Editor-Good. But
what kept you so long? Reporter
Why. the idiot wanted to read it,
Judge.
MY wife is rearing Bobby very care.
fully. When he Is disobedient he goes
to bed without his dinner" Isn't
that rather severc?' "No: she always
carries his dinner up to him."--Chicago
Record.
Wheeler (who rides Lightning
You ought to get lock FOR that wheel.
Scorcher (who rides Blue Streak)-
Think so? Wheelcr-Yes. Some one
might steal it-for the lamp.-Cincin.
natl Enquirer.
you like being caddic? Billy Nolan--
All. didn't like Ii ut all. ut all. First
dc Teller he towld me ter kapc me eye
on the ball. den he gave me dc ball In
DC cyc.-Bazar.
DO get my riparian rights with
this wheel?" asked the lady OF Ian
guage. Get whatT' asked the clerk.
surprised into rude abruptness. RI.
parian rights. I said. DO you repair
tr'-indinnapolis Journal.
Rouser-How accurately are the ills
IT nation reflected In the breasts Of
her loyal sons. watson-what do you
mean? Rouser-Take me, for instance.
I'm desperately in need Of more rev.
cnuc-Philadelphia North American.
80 that young man says he would
lay his fortune at your feety' said Ma
bells father. Eyes" "But he hasn't
done So" "N.no." "And perhaps you
can tell why?" II guess. father, that
he hasn't had It told yet."-washing.
ton Star.
1T IL the nature Of n child to be
wanting to do something" said the On.
thuslastlc kindcrgartencr. AS far as
I have noticed" said the mother of
ak. ut Is the nature Of a child to he
wanting to do something else."-Cin'
cinnati Enquirer.
Battcrton Banged-No. mum. It's
ag'in' me prlncypuls I chop 'nuff wood
fer yc L cook me brc'kfuss wild. but 81
you've mind ter cook It on dat gas
assoclaslun b'longs to, an turn on
dc gas.-Puck.
Il may have bitten on more than
can chew" remarked the boa.cOnstrlc
tor. as the young gazclle disappeared
within its capaclous jaws: "but, thanh
fortune. l don't have to chew" And
1t curled itself up for slx-weeks' nap
Chicago Tribune.
Hc-Er-thesc stories your father
tells about the things he saw out West
you know. Shc-Wcll? IIc-Ought
to laugh ut their improbablllty ant
make him think am smart, or ought
TO pretend that l believe thcm?-Cin
cinnati Enquirer.
First Cycllst-I always get nervous
when see woman crossing the stree
ahead of me. Second Bicyclist-So Il,
]. They have so many pins In thei
clothes that II a fellow collides witt
them he IL almost sure to puncturc
tirc.-Spare Moments.
Torne Tatters-Uv course It's non
NV my business. pard. but WIZ yo'
ever married! Rambling Rube-No
Wot makes you ask? Torne latter
Why. was wonder!n' how YOU eve
acquired dat ha' II NV slccpin' wit ye
hands In yer pOckets.-Puck.
Colonel, we are intending TO ercc
an artistic drlnling-placc In the ccntc
of the park. and thought perhaps yO
might subscribe a small 9TH
project Is sheer nonsense, sir. Do 20
imagine 70 an instant that the city vii
grant n MISUNDERSTANDING jour
nal.
"rhese stripes" sighed the convict
make a man feel small" The kin
woman who had come into the darl
some place to cheer him smiled radian
~. "Only think" she urged. "ho'
much smaller they would make you
they ran up and down your sult.'-D'
troIt Free Press.
Stern Parcnt-Well, sir, don't kno'
as I am particularly DESTROYS OF b'
coming your fathcr-in.law, young mai
Cholly Seeke-Er-eh-I n-ne-nev1
thought of that. You w-wo-would bib
my fathcg-in-law, wouldn't you: ! /
guess Wen l-let the--cr-m'matti
drop; g-good d.day.-Truth.
Shc-I would like n marriage llcens
Wcll--er-ma but IL Is GU
tomary for the gentleman to She
Not in this case--the gentleman can
come. He objected, an for n time
looked as II there wasn't goin' TO be an
wedding. He'll be able 10 be aroun
tomorrow; so you can Just give 1t
mc.-Judge.