The Topeka state journal., 1897-07-26
HUMOROUS.

No. 1.-THE second time I saw him
I was engaged to him" No. 2-"What
caused the delay?"-Life.
A New Model-"Johnny, what do " u
mean by the bird is moulting'?' Cit
tin it's '97 feathers. mum. Truth.
rs kind o. worried" said Uncle
Eben, bout de kind O. patriotism dat
pays cash for its fireworks an dodges
its taxes. es.'-Washington Star.
The Bluff Modest-Clancey Cthe under
dog)-"Shure, Dinnis Phelan, an if yez
don't take yure fist out of me oye, it's
sthorage I'll be after chargin' yer
Truth.
Frank-"some genius in Birmingham
has invented a buttonless shirt" EiIIy
why, that's old. I've worn chem
ever since my wife learned to ride a
bike. Tit Bits.
"a man doesn't mind wrinkles so
much" remarked the observer of men
and things, because he doesn't care
particularly whether his skin fits him
or not.''-Detroit Journal.
Easily Defned.-Johnny Barr-'Pa.
what's an egotist?' Handel Barr-'s n
egotist, my son, is a man who thinks
Ell $he world but himself is riding low
grade els.''-Puck.
Bobby-"Mamma, Uncle Will says
that firecrackers were invented by the
Chinese ages ago" Mamma-E'Yes.
dear, believe So" Bobby-"WelI, how
did they know we were going to have
a Fourth of July?"-Puck.
A Poor Rule.-"Remember my son,
that early to bed and early to rise makes
a man healthy and wealthy and wise"
us that the reason the farmers are the
richest class of people in the nation ?''-
Indianapolis Journal.
A Model nstitution.-"Cruelty in this
institution said the superintendent of
the prison. mo, stree. The inmates
here know me too well to attempt any
monkey business that might lead to
cruelty. y."-Philadelphia North Ameri-
can.
Bobby-"Say, did you ever tie a pack
a.olyar to n = foil
No, sir, didn't. My mamma taught
me to be kind to animals" Bobby
Huh, what fun did you have, then?'
Percy-"O, 1 just set mine off behind
Brave to Recklessness.-Eng
Some of our English girls are quite
expert with the gun, don't you know
Lady Eva Wyndham shot six nan-eat-
ing tigers in India" American Girl
"If they were eating nice men she did
just ht.'-New York Weekly
help a poor man just out o. a Cuban
prison?'' Mr.. Touched-''Ain't you the
same man that stopped me yesterday
as a sufferer from the Mississippi
fioOds?" Dusty Rhodes-"Yes, sir; I'm
havin' an awful run O. hard luck. =
Truth
Mrs Meddleby-"Your husband has
turned out to be such a bad man that L
suppose you will never marry again?'
Widow Weeds-''WeIl, won't go so far
as that; but L will say that if L ever
should marry again II VIII De another
man'-Boston Transcript.
Are you aware" said the garrulouS
boarder, that oxtail soup was the inf
vention of the French refugees, who
used to beg the oxtails because they
had no money to buy soup bones?" In
other words,' said the cheerful idiot,
they were reduced to the last extrem-
ty."-IndianapOlis Journal
But, senator" queried the young re
porter, you aren't going to drop the in
vestigation. Won't Havemeyer be
questioned about his campaign -contri-
butions?" MY son." replied Senator
Sorghum, 1.-The United States senate,
having put its hand to the plow, never
looks back. The question of Mr.. Have
concern US. The subject under inves-
tigation just now is, What does Have
meyer propose to do for US in 1882
Puck.