The Monitor-register., 1897-08-06
A LITTLE FUN.

LITTLE FUN.
Bingess-And were you married on
imt?
Ginger-On. no; had to pay the
,arson cash. Yonkers Statesman.
"This," said the iceman, sis the time
If year when cut considera BILE ice."
you said the kitchen lady, 'don't
mt half as much as you are paid for -
Yonkers Statesman.
**x
Smith-Sae Jones over there laughing
10 heartily? Somebody must have told
lin a funny story.
Brown-More likely Jones told it him
,elf - Chicago Journal
x*x
''Henry, wake up; hear burglar
downstairs"
"Eh? Where's my pistol? I'll blow his
head off. Suppose he should carry off
our ice Chicago Record.
**x
"Your wife doesn't seem to improve in
health"
mo; as fast as she gains strength she
uses it up telling people what is the
matter with her."- Chicago Record.
x*&
Wallace II hear that you got
from your money while you
were at the sea shore"
Bsrgraves-"SeparatedP 1t was an
absolute divorce p Cincinnati Enquirer.
&*x
Shell am quite sure you had too
much champagne when you called on me
yesterday afternoon"
Hey es; thought I'd just look in
to-day and see if was engaged to you"
TIT Bits
~
heard from your back yard this morn.
ing?"
SIT was a sunstruck case, ma'am."
"a sunstruck case?"
"Yes, ma'am. I'm the son. ."-CIeUe-
land Plain Dealer.
x*x
A professor of Trinity College. Dublin,
overhearing an undergraduate making
use of profane language, rushed at him
frantically, e2claiming! "Are you aware
sir, that you are imperiling your
immortal soul, and, what is worse,
mourning a fine of five shillipgsP-House
hold Words
Beggar-Can you help a poor m an to
Pedestrian-I think you have touched
me before.
Beggar-Possibly, sir; possibly. You
see I'm a stranded photographer, and the
old habit of retouching clipgs, sir
Philadelphia Record.
Superintendent hate to mention it,
Mr.. Quiller, but the firm is suspicious OF
you. 1t thinks you have taken some OF
the funds.
Quiller (the bookkeeper) of course
have. Tween you and me it was the
only way could make my books balance
Boston Transcript.
**x
"Say, Mr.. Tomkins," said Bobby, who
was entertaining his sisters beau for q
few minutes, "when did you get mended?'
"When did l get mended? What a
question, Bobby. What do you meana''
"Well, heard sister say to-day she
had you all broken up. ."-Ohi0 State
Journal
x**
s. s. Teacher-I read 10 the papers oi
some naughty boys W no cut off a oats
tail. Can any of you tell me why it's
wrong to do such a thipg?
Willy-'Cause the Bible says, "Wha;
God hath Joined together let no man put
asunder. ."-Brooklyn Life
NV
Dusty Rhodes-Say, bossl Can yel
help poor man just out o. the Cuban
prison?
Mr.. Touched-Ain't you the same mar
that stopped me yesterday as a sufferer
from the Mississippi f1oodsP
Dusty Rhodes-Yes, sir. I'm havin' ar
awful run o. hard luck Truth
**x
THAT was bad break Mrs. Brush
made"
what did she do2''
"Why, her husband gets 81 200 a yeaI
and she said she wouldn't give even q
dime to help send our five thousand.
dollar clergyman to the seashore. p
Louisville Courier Journal
4*x
Mr.. Duffy-Mrs. Kelly, it pains me t.
infarm yez thot yure hoosbund has jist
bin blowed opp boi doinamoite Garth.
ridge. We found his head in wan lot.
an his body in another lot, an his legs
in another lot, an his arms an fate in
another lot.
Mrs. Kelly (proudly> y>-Begorrah thot's
Moike all over.-Judge.
x**
|. Jones poisons his wife's cat.
II. He processes deep sorrow at its dis.
appearance.
III. He offers G10 reward for it's re.
covery.
~. Numerous animals are brought for
inspection.