The record-union., 1897-08-22
THIS FUNNY WORLD.

York Herald.
THIS FUNNY WORLD.
According to Theosophy Julia, we are
now the opposite of what we were in
former eXistences."
My, auntie-what a beauty you must
have been. Detroit Free Press.
Dyer met your wife on the street
to- day and didn't recognize her at first.
Wyld-She must have had her mouth
closed. -to-Date.
Jack (aniably)-When Clara begins
to sing you forget her face.
Dolly (spitefuMy)-I suppose that's
why she sings so much.-New York
Journal.
He-WiM you marry me if 1 ask your
father?
She-Im afraid not.-Town Topics.
b Jove-How do you manage to keep
cool in town during the summer?
b. Jones-I get so many drafts from
my wife at the seaside.-Town Topics.
Ethel-Can you recommend a good
hair bleach?
ma-Time.-Up-to-D Date.
The Happy Mani tell you, old fell
low. man doesn't know what real hap
piness is until he's married.
Cynical Friend-Then he finds that it
consists in being single. - Brooklyn
Life.
Yeast-The office seeker is all right in
his place.
Crimsonbeak-Right you are. Bet
the trouble is he won't go there.
Go where?"
Home. ."-Yonkers Statesman.
Guess it's going to rain" chirped the
milkman, as he emptied his measure.
The woman of the house threw a
glance into the pan.
1T looks like it, she said sternly.-
New York World.
HAZEL wonder why so few take
time by the forelock?
Nutte-Because times forelock usu-
lemma--Brooklyn Life.
He-Do you think your judgment is
as good as mine?
She-Oh, no, dear Our choice of life
partners proves that it isn't.
Mr.. Hardup-I always feel miserable
when come out here ON the beach.
Miss Easie-I don't see why you
should
Mr.. Hardup-But I do. 1t makes me
feel sad when l think of my financial
condition, and then see the oceans roll.
-Up-to-D o-Date.
What do you mean, Spitely, by teach
ing your little grandson to swear?"
Pm not going to have his mother go
ing around boring people by telling
them the smart things he says. DE
troit Free Press.
Ella-Won't you go to church with
me Sunday? Our minister is going to
talk on the bicycle
Stella l should think he would
rather talk from the pulpit.-New York
Tribune.
Fserocious Visitor (entering office)-
See here, boy, I've come to lick the ed
itor
Office Boy-You won't like the job.
He's just been tarred and feathered-
Tit-Bits.
You children turn up your noses at
everything on the table When I was
boy was glad to get dry bread to
eat," said Mr. Chaffie at the breakfast
table
better time of it now that you are liv-
nie.-Tammany Times.
Miss Kittish-What queer girl Mel
lie wilkins is. We can't induce her to
learn to ride the bicycle.
Miss TenSpot-You know why. don't
you?
No"
Her father keeps livery stable"-
Louisville Courier Journal
Penelope-No matter how smart you
may be you can easily find a man who
is smarter than you are.
Jack Dashing And about 10000
women.-New York Truth
Floorwalker-She complains that you
didn't show her common cfvilfty.
Saleswoman-I showed her everything
in my department, sir.-Detroit Jour
nal.
Dodson-Why is a dudes headslike a
watch?
HobSon-Give it up.
Dodson-Because it has a face with
wheels behind it.-Washington Post
Mohave County, A. T.. is infested with
millions of army worms. The Wal
lapai Indians make soup of them, and
find them very fattening.