The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1897-09-12
THE MORNING NEWS: SUNDAY. SEPTEMBER 10, 1884,
CORPSE RISES At \ WAKE.
The uourners Fled and One OF Them
Told the Police.
From the New York Sun.

Tom the New YORK sun
Taken all IN all. Lon Calhoun's wake
was about the finest wake that ever hap
pened in Jersey Clty. Everybody had
the b!ggest kind Of a time; even the
corpse. so his friends say. There was
plenty TO drink ana smoke. and a swell
silver-trimmed coffin from Zeiger Bros
undertaking shop at 81 Ocean avenue,
where Lon Calhoun worked as an en-
balmer. and over which he lived. The
delegation from the Society for the Pre-
vention to Cruelty to Animals fairly out
did itself in giving the decedent a good
send-ofI, and a reporter learned all about
it at the society's headquarters from
several men who had their heads tied up
IN towels and said they hadn't been to
the wake.
News Of Lon Calhoun's death reached
the headquarters. Whence it came nobody
knows, but it was duly posted on the
bulletin board that our esteemed. etc,
associate" had passed away after a long
and painful gastric attack leaving a sor-
rowing widow, who would communicate
with the society regarding the funeral
President Mccarthy of the society tele-
phoned to the sorrowirg widow his con-
"Dead?" sad Mrs. Calhoun. Lion
amt dead. He's downstairs embalming
man that IS"
You don't say sou exclaimed McCar-
thy. That's too bad. We were going
TO give him a wake. The boys are TAX
ing up a collection now to bury him."
They'd better keep il for somebody
that needs burying worse than he does.
Ions good for long life YETI
''Wel, look here" said Mccarthy.
Its too bad to disappont the boys.
You tell Lon that he's dead, and that if
he'll get into the coffin wen give him the
time of his life"
There was some further conversation
about details. Then Mrs Calhoun went
TO the head of the stairs and called her
husband.
who's that?" asked Calhoun.
Your widow. Come up here-I want
to talk to you"
Widow" said Lon. you don't look
very dead--I mean I don't look very dead.
What are going to give US, any way"
Somebody tod the society folks you
were dead and if the boss viii lend you
a casket there'l be a wake in the house,
with you for the corpse. Only l don't
want you rising in your coffin if the
mourners make love to the wi cow"
That's all right as long as I get in at
the finish for the whisky" replied Cal
houn. I'm get the coffin and lay myself
out just as soon as I get through here
About the time the late Lon Calhoun
was peacefully folding his hands above
his quiet breast President Mccarthy was
giving a few directions to Secretary
Brown, who thought that Calhoun's en-
try in the obituary column was the real
thing.
The boys have collected 49," was
Browns report, and we thought a nice
Gates Ajar' with a horse made of for
get-me-nots at the bottom TO kind of
bring In the society ought not to be more
than $l3, and we could use the rest for
the wake"
That's all all right" said Mccarthy.
you leave the money with me and go up
and condole with the widow Tell her
the rest Of US will soon be up to sit with
the corpse, and give her my sympathy"
On his arrival Brown found Mrs. Cal
houn in the deepest of mourning, i'm
mersed in a pocket handkerchief like an
understood sheet. She was sobbing. At
any rate she had her face buried in her
handkerchief, and her shoulders were
shaking conYuisively. Coincidence is not
Browns strong suit, a fact which
he realized with bitterness. He Stun
bled over some words of sympathy TO
Mrs. Calhoun, and then, finding himself
at loss what to say next, remarked that
he guessed he'd take a look at the late
deceased" The late deceased was in
large and ornamental coffin, with seve-
raj candles around his head Long and
sadly did Brown gaze into the still face
of his associate. This was tough on the
corpse, who had to put himself ON rigid
| diet of breath.
How life-like he looks" sighed Brown
| How peaceful! How calm Calm as "a
as IA mill pond" he concluded, with a
| dismal feeling that he had slipped up in
| the smile somewhere although it sound
! cd familiar enough.
Mrs. Calhoun emitted a sound that
from any one other than a grief-stricken
widow would have been called a snort
| and left the room hastily. Brown sat
| down in a chair. The corpse changed
his position, just a little bit for the sake
| of ease, and creak that sounded loud
| enough to waken real dead man was
the result. Brown rose two feet from his
| chair abruptly and without the slightest
| effort. With difficulty he compelled his
| trembling legs TO carry him over to the
| coffin into which he peered with staring
| eyes. All was as before. Majestic in its
| stiffness, the form of his friend lay be-
| fore him. But Browns nerve was shaken
| He wished the other fellows would come
| He wished the widow would return, even
| though he couldn't think of anything to
| say to her except that it was a fine day
| which observation he had dismissed un-
| uttered as inadequate to the occasion.
anything 70 Sey NOQlQ De q ISlleI, ne lett,
provided there was somebody to say it to-
Besides the room was close. He felt
faint Air was what he needed, and
| quickly. He wished he hadn't come so
| early. He wished he were somewhere
else. The corpse wished so, too. Pres
| emily the strain became too much for
| Brown and he turned and fed out of the
door. The corpse breathed again. At
| the foot of the stairs the mourner be-
thought him that he had left his hat be-
hind Noiselessly he sped upstairs and
opened the door. The corpse was sitting
| up in the coffin taking the air.
"Ah-h-h-h!" shrieked Brown with the
fervor Of siren whistle.
One leap took him through the door, and
as his legs refused to carry him down the
stairs his spine performed that duty. The
alarmed widow rushed out, helped him to
his feet and hastily explained the situa-
ton. Brown had to hold his jaws to-
gether with both hands to keep his teeth
from chattering so loudly that he couldn't
hear her Finally he was prevailed up
on to return TO the room and satisfy him
self that Mr.. Calhoun wasn't as dead as
he was laid out to be. Then he offered a
said the first.
~.