Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1897-08-19
Baking A BEHEMOTH.
How Justice Badly Splicer Made Every
body Happy but Poor Jen.

"Say, jedge, can a Teller git married on
tick here?" asked the young bark peeler
from Chipmunk Run as he entered the
the peace, of Connubial Corners
"Nope; not unless he puts up his ticker
as security fer the tick, was the disheart-
ening reply. "My jinin fees is 50, invari-
ably in advance"
"Pshaw iedge! That's hard luck"
groaned the bark peeler. Couldn't do it
fer dollar jest onct, could YEP
"Not if ye was the Turkey sultan an
was goin to gi'me all yer trade. !"
"That's hard luck, repeated the Wis.
itor. eye see, SO is my hull pile an Jen
down in the wagon is dead sot on seein a
blood sweatn behemoth. She won't marry
me unless / spend dollar takin her to the
show, an can't marry her if do becuz
I amt got no ticker to put up fer the jinin
ceremony afterward"
"Sorter between Silly an Spareribdiss,
hey?' classically observed the justice.
Gan don't dast tell her I'm so nigh
broke, becuz womep nowadays seems
strictly out for the stuff.
II don't blame 'em--so'm l." said JUS
tice Splicer "Tell her that if she'll marry
We now yell take her to the next circus"
81 did, jedge, but she gi'me the laff
She said she could git jined any time, but
that blood sweatin behemoths WASH com.
in her way every day, not much"
Huh" muttered Justice Splicer. GIVE
had a powerful lot of experience with mat.
rimonial obstacles but this is the fust
time I've ever been up again q blood sweat.
in behemoth. She's promised to marry
we, has she?"
Forty 'leven times, jedge."
Stay yere, young Teller, an we'll see
what we kin do fer ye"
Justice Splicer whispered few words to
Dave Dugan, the constable, and that
worthy hurried from the room. In a few
moments he returned with Jen, who was
short and plump and in flutter of alarm.
Miss Jen," Justice Splicer began sol.
EMMY, "it has come to the knowledge Of
the court that after sakerdly promisin to
marry this young Teller forty 'leven times,
ye refuse to marry the said Teller unless he
trots out fer yer inspeckshun a blood
sweatin behemoth. Air We guilty er not
guilty?"
II guess-guess I'm guilty, SIR" Jen
faltered
Breach o. promise is serious crime
serious crime. Miss Jen."
The girl looked solemn.
IAN the crime of duress to wit, holdin
a blood sweatin behemoth over the head Of
the said young Teller, is even seriouser. ="
The girl looked more solemn.
He could make ye lot of trouble if he
wanted to. Yc wouldn't like to have him
get out posse comitatus fer ye, would
yer"
"N-n-n-o, SIR
"Ner duces tecum, ner a rus in urbe?'
"Oh, mop
aye wouldn't like to have constable
huntin ye with a nunc dittimus er a de
lunatico inquirendo, would YET"
"Oh no, no, noP'
"Then We better keep yer promise an
marry him right now, hadn't yep
"Yy-yes, will SIR" whimpered Jen.
In five minutes the ceremony was per-
formed, and as the door closed upon the
happy bark peeler and his bride, Justice
| Splicer turned to the constable.
''All's well as ends we'll % he cried with
enthusiasm. "Everybodys happy. Won.
ankind's got good lesson, he's got his
girl, his girl has got him where she can
get even an 1--we got $2p'
eyes, but how about the blood sweatin
behemoth?" said the constable.
Lies go down an see the critter, Dave.
Two dollars fer tickets an peanuts an pink
lemonade! Haw, haw, hawl'--Earle H.
Eaton in Truth.