The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1897-03-23
a BACKWARD LOVER.
His Troubles and Perplcxitics AS
Seen by the Maiden Sister.

His Troubles and PerpleNitics AS
Seen by the Maiden Sister.
Sister Em came into the kitchen and
exclaimed excitedly
"Oh, Matilda, Joe is going to ask pa
| for me, today"
Humph !" said I, for | never lose
chance to snub her, for she is always
sneering at me for being an old maid.
Now | am all practically and rush
and hurry, and moving from morning
til night my hands are big and red
and rough; 1 am still and long and
angular; all the graces of my girlhood
have been scrubbed washed and iron
ed out of me.
But Ems different. She is one of
the loling, langushing kind. She
can simper and giggle, and "Oh, don't
John-ah," in "Oh, do John-ah "tone
OF voice, and she has had beaux with
out number ever since she was born.
After she had been deluged with
lovers of all nationalities, she caught
real Yankee, not one of the sharp,
driving, money-making kind, but a
gentle, soft-he AIDED, tender-hearted fell
low. He never failed to put off to-
morrow what ought to be done to-day.
Well, as started out to say, En- had
announced that Joe was going to ask
for her, and had "humphedn in my
most in ;redulous style; for during the
last five years Joe has had periodical
spasms of courage.
Full nineteen hundred times he had
made up his mind to ask pa for EN-
and then begged Off. could never
understand why it was such bugbear,
for pa would have been perfectly de-
lighted to give her away, for she has
always been quito a bill of expense to
him. After few days En- would
prod him to the verge OF distraction
Then he would brace up again and
promise to do it, but it always ended
in his postponing it indefinitely.
So said ''humph !" as aggravating-
ly as possible. That made her furious
" You act as if you thought he
wouldn't ask pa"
AT that moment Joe unluckily came
into the kitchen.
untit lin, nv hadn't snty you just as soon wait
No, | wouldn't" she cried, an
grily.
But, EN-, by, that time l might get
raise in my salary"
Poor fellow, he was only earning
Slo week, and it was the dream OF his
life to get raise"
YES" En- answered bitterly, ga
raise has bee n your excuse for the last
four years why don't you ask permis-
sion to put it off until after the Nash
vile exposition ?"
He evidently did rot notice the cut
ting sarcasm Of her voice, for he said,
eagerly
Why, that's good idea; suppose
we wait until then, so you can be at
home to help your folks entertain your
relations ?"
EN- was in such a rage that she
almost cried, but instead she fairly
screamed,-
Joe, do you want to marry me 2"
"Of course ! do" he responded
placidly, cor else I wouldn't come to
see you"
"Well, then, you must ask pa, for
am not going to get married without
his consent"
" But am going to ask him."
When ?"
Now, see here, EN-, do be reason
able he knows what como here for,
and, of course, he is willing, or he
wouldn't let me come"
When are you going to ask pa 2"
she repeated angrily.
Why-ah, | don't kuow-ah !"
Well, now, I'll tell you one thing,
Joseph, that if you don't ask him TO-
day, I'll mover, never marry YOU"
on, Em, don't be hard on me !"
Iou march up this minute, sir,
and ask pa for me, or III never marry
you :" and she rushed out of the room,
flung open the piano and hogan to play
so violently, that | thought every cord
in the instrument would snap.
Joe looked at me appealingly.
What do you think l had better
" Go upstairs and see pa" | replied.
DO you suppose she'll feel better
in few minutes 2" he inquired anx-
iously.
mo, she is in dead earnest, and if
you want her"
"I'll have to ask for her, suppose -
he answered, with a disconsoate sigh.
couldn't help feeling sorry for him,
for he looked as detected as II he were
going to the stake.
" 1t won't be very hard" ventured
to say.
"Oh. it's terrible thing to do"
| His lips grew white, the perspratiop
stood out on his forehead, and he was
shaking from head to foot with ner-
vous chill.
So he went upstairs, and was gone
about five minutes, and then they both
came tearing out into the kitchen,
where they danced, and embraced, and
kissed each other like two mad crea-
lures. She was SO proud OF him, and
he was so glad he had the thing off his
hands, that they nearly strangled each
other.
Then he had to tell her about 40
times how he felt when he went up
stairs and what pa said, how ma look
ed, and what they thought, and how
they acted, and all about it, until /
was forced to come to the conclusion
If this is the Nineteenth century style
OF asking pa" [ am glad no one ever
asked for me.