davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
An Unsafe Criterion.

a story is going the rounds which il
Illustrates the vanity of estimating num-
bers by noise. It sets forth that a Yam
kee once went to hotel where he tried
end liked a dish of frogs legs-for
which, however, he had to pay large
price.
"What makes you charge so much for
emp" he asked the landlord. :.
because they are scarce" answered
the hotelkeeper.
e"Scarce!" exclaimed the Yankee,
"Why, I'll agree to get you 100000 of
'em.''
"Agreed," said the Landlords; IF you
bring me 1, 0OO, 900 I'll find market for
them"
Gail right-I'l have 'em by tonight,
sure.''
The Yankee went away, and at night
came back with eight pairs of frogs
legs. G*s&
"Where are the rest of the million ?"
asked the landlord.
swell, to tell the TRUTH" answered
the Yankee, Il formed my judgment of
the number by the. noise!"- Youths
Companion. = 80
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
Woes Of m Inventor.

The great inventor was buried in
thought or something that was a very
close imitation of it.
THE trouble with u.s. he said, as he
pushed back a few layers of thought
and poked his head out. lis that we are
handicapped"
'How is that?" asked the man who
always wants to know.
why. we can't keep up with the SEN
sational PRESS" explained the inventor.
mo matter where we go-in the air or
under the seattle sensational newspa-
per has told all about it long before
anyone knew anything about it, and it's
considered a chestnut when first it's
possible. Do make my meaning clear ~
The man who always wants to know
hesitated, but finally got round it BY
saying his meaning was as clear as most
Of his inventions, and then succeeded in
escaping while the inventor was irving
to make up his mind whether or not Il
was N insult - Chicago Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
THE ACTORS FACE.

Art of Making Up q Matter of Great I'm
portance.
Making up is tiresome process for
actor and actress, yet one they cannot
escape from. In private life they are
frequently much better looking people
than they are on the stage-and great
deal more natural; for "make-ups,"
Notwithstanding the high pitch of per-
fection-we had almost said the pink of
perfection-to which they have been
brought, have never been able to resist
the power of the searching opera glass.
Managers, with laudable desire to
increase their takings> now let out
these cruel detectors at sixpence time
On the "slot" misunderstanding to
the honesty of the customer to return
the goods when he has finished with
them. Even the inexperienced may
thus discover that the complexion of
the player is not real, although he is
possibly COMPOUNDED as to the actual
constituents which contribute to the
illusion. A passionate Romeo" a val
orous don Cesar de Bazan''-rent by
the pangs of love, flushed with passion
must endure the physical inconveni-
ence attending on the coating of his
countenance by the substance known
as grease paint''-a name with no spice
of romance whatever about it. It is
product is chemically pure and inno-
cent of lead. The lighter and fairer
tints are rubbed in by ladies, but the
bues for the gentlemen range over q
wide and liberal field. If you are an
honest tar returned from foreign serv-
ice to England, home and beauty, you
affect the sunbupnt color; if you are
a mulatto you go one darker, and an In
dian is deeper still. A cheerful chrome
blended with other factors is employed
for Cinnamon, and blue-black is pro-
vided for "unshaven chins" and "old
men,"
A clowns face is "lined'' with YER
million, and there is pathetic red for
representing blotches on the bibulous
faces of the Eccles type of character
The eyes are rendered picturesque-and
often hideous-by liberal application
of blacks and blues, and in cases of
extreme necessity-such as that of the
Christy minstrel-there is nothing for
it except to 'go the whole hog" and use
burnt cork. "Othello," fortunately,
takes more subdued tone. If he did
not, we should be the more easily able
to appreciate the tortures of the con-
scientious artist who blacked himself
all over for that part. The "nigger"
lips are produced by generous strokes
of carmine; and among the negative
virtues of the makeup box is compo-
sition which apparently stamps out
the teeth of old and wrinkled crea-
tions. Sir Henry Irving, for instance,
uses this in "Louis XII" and as "Cor-
poral Brewster" in "a Story of Water
loo" The art of making up, although
largely reduced to an exact science, is
more difficult of requirement than
would at first appear. Like most other
! things, it demands more care and
thought than the ignorant. wot of.
There is not only the complexion to be
adjusted to the requirements of the
character, but the wig and whiskers
must harmonic, and there must be no
obvious 'join." Even the '*bladder-of-
lard" head, endeared to us at the pam
tomime season. takes as much fitting
as a new bonnet.-London Telegraph. :
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
:PIrH AND POINT.

-Ethel-''You may ask papa, Mr..
Van Ishe." Van Ishe-''My darling, I'll
never be able to find him. He owes me
s25."-TitBits. 49,.
The Lust Stage.-''1s Miss Oddly out
Of the matrimonial market yet?'' mo,
but she's on the remnant COUNTER
Detroit Free Press.
Briggs 'Simmerson, the inventor,
says his wife doesn't even know what
business he is in.''-Griggs-"Why has
he concealed it from her?" Briggs
''He is afraid she might get the impress
sion that he could do odd jobs around
the house."-Life.
1T don't see," she exclaimed with
proper indignation, why they allow
plays to be presented that ladies are
not expected to see." II don't either"
replied her husband, "unless it's to give
the men some place to go where there
ore no large theater hats. "-Washing-
ton Star.
1T was an hour past midnight, and
Mr.. Binns was fumbling about in the
hall and mumbling angrily to himself.
''What's the matter?'' called out Mrs.
Binns from the floor above. "There's
two hatracks here" he answered, IAN
I don't know which one to hang my hat
on" you've got two hats haven't
you?" rejoined Mrs. Binn; hang them
on both."-Dublin World.
Tom Burnet, son of the bishop Of
that name, dining with the lord mayor,
was called upon to drink to "the min
istry." AS he was a wing, and the
ministry tory, he hesitated to COM
promise his principles. Cried the lord
mayor, who saw his glass had not been
touched: where sticks the ministry"
AT nothing" replied the WING, and
emptied his glass with a good con-
science.-Household Words.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
TREE.ToP FISHERY.
Pleasant Place from Which to Fish On
Midsummer Day,

Pleasant Plsco from Which to Fish on q
Midsummer Day.
John! John!' shouted the rosy little
wife OF my host in central Florida, from
the honeysuckle porch. John, if you're
going to have fish for supper its time
to 60 up the tree" '.-.
Well, now. I've fshed for all sorts of
fish and in some odd places. but thus
far I never climbed into q tree to get
them, but I didn't ask any foolish
questions. John SIMPLY replied over
his shoulder: "All right" and we con-
tinued our walk through the FROST
blackened orange trees, which were
just beginning to recover, those that
were alive at all, from the havoc of the
preceding winter.
We passed beyond the plantation
and through the cool shadows of
Hammock, "where cypress and palmet.
to trees were matted together and
winding creek was bridged with sin
gle log. Somewhere along the path
John picked 'ap his rod and a can of
bait. Then we came out upon the
edge of the bayou. Lazy aligators
foated at a little distance or stuck
their noses out from their mud beds in
the rushes, and having satisfied them
selves that neither John nor the
stranger had gun they went on doz-
ing serenely. A heron tapped away
and rested himself in convenient tree.
A moccisin snake rolled from a dry log
into the water. None of these Incl
dents disturbed my friend, who led the
way serenely to the foot of big tree
overhanging the still waters of the
bayou. Up this tree we walked by a
regular series of board steps. and at
the top we crept upon a wellfastened
platform, thoroughly shaded by the
thick drapery of moss pendant from
the framework branches; and, thus en-
sconced, John proceeded to business.
and in half an hour we had the fnny
wherewithal for delicious supper.
John enjoyed. and suppose still en-
joys. a practical monopoly of fishing
in that lake, for no one Whereabouts
owns boat. and, anyhow, the aligat-
ors don't approve of boats, the shores
are too sedgy and water too shallow
for casting, and fishing trees are not
found in any considerable number
thereabouts. So I borrowed Johns
primative tackle and thus earned the
right to boast that had fished. among
other methods piscatorial, from q tree
top.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
Shell never heard of the story.

She--I never heard of the story.
He-Yet you wrote it. refer to tho
work of genius you have developed dur
ing the past few weeks. Yes; deserve
your condemnation. read your manu-
script that morning you took it out
under the willow trees and wandered
away in search of wild flowers instead
of working. I happened along, if you
remember, and found it by your sun
shade on the ground. scanned it well
before your return to the shade OF tho
willows and consciousness of my pres
ence.
She-Mr. Rous-l
He-Don't spare me. It was breach
of good manners, admit, but from a
previous conversation I had gathered
that you were at work upon the very
plot I was triAing with, and it was evil
dent that publication was reserved for
one. There is the result of my reason
ing Indicates the grate.) In vindica-
ton of bad manners can at least urge
that my judgment was discreet, and
that my curiosity was not based upon a
mean motive. I claim your mercy.
She-O, Mr.. Rous, don't appeal to me.
My own conscience is far from free.
Helm what way?
She-Call to mind an afternoon last
week when you slept beneath the apple
trees in the orchard, your foolscap and
fountain-pen beside you. Twas reading
close at hand-a book, before you
dozed-your manuscript after.
He-O!
She-In mitigation of which I ad.
vance much the same arguments as
yourself: From the conversation you
referred to I suspected that my plot
was your plot.
He-You read the paragraph in the
Moon, as I suspected?
She-And came here in search of local
color. I sat in judgment, too, as you
did. upon our respective stories, and
He-But yours was Individually the
best.
She-I arrived at the opposite con-
clusion, Mr.. Rous.
He-You are mistaken. Your story
| was incomparably superior to mine.
She-I cannot agree with you.
Heat least you will publish yours,
since mine is in ashes.
Shelf I must confess-that is i'm
possible. Mine is at the bottom of the
river.
He-Never.
she-Frankly, Mr.. Rous, was
ashamed of mine after perusing yours.
So drowned it, as a boy browns rat,
with brickbat for dead weight.
(Thcre is y long pause and much
silent reflection. At last he speaks,
very deliberately
He-Must you return to London TO-
morrow, Miss Carruthers?
She-There is no reason for delay.
have finished my novel.
He-The plot is really good one.
She-Worth your rewriting Mr.. Rous;
indeed it is.
He-It is worth the writing again,
undoubtedly. I was thinking that ii
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
HOw's This?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case of Catarrh that can not be
cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. j: Cheney & Co., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known F. j.
Cheney for the last Is years, and believe
him perfectly honorable in all business
transactions and financially able to carry
out any obligations made by their firm.
West 4 Truax, Wholesale Druggists, To.
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, Ohio.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken inter lally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Price Use. per bot.
tie. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials
free.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

you were at liberty to remain here for
few weeks we might-collaborate?
She (enthusiastically)-Would you
really like to?
He Beyond everything.
She-I have never tried collaboration,
but I think it must be delightful.
Hell feel sure of it,. Give minutes
later she goes, and he hastily finishes
his letter.) II have seen Miss Carruth-
ers, Dick, old boy, and am not coming
hack to town just yet. Will explain
more lucidly later. Miss Carruthers
and I are going to rewrite our story
in collaboration. Don't be surprised if
you hear that the collaboratio is to
last -Black and White.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

The number of asteroids discovered
up to present date is 423. A number of
these small planets have not been OBJ
served since their discovery, and are
practically lost. Consequently it is now
sometimes matter of doubt, until the
elements have been computed, whether
the supposed new planet ID really now,
5cr only an old one redisccNsrsd. ..5.si
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
On to tho Kootenat.

The call OF 1897 is "On to the Kootenai,"
the wonderfully rich mining country Of
Montana, Idaho and British Columbia,
lead, iron, ETC., have been discovered during
the last year or two and new towns and in
dustries established. The town of Ross
land grew from 200 people to 5000 in twenty
months: Maps and descriptive matter of
the entire territory sent free by F.. I. Whit
ney, G. F. & T. A., Great Northern Rail-
way, st. Paul, MINI.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
IN COLLABORATION.

Characters: Lionel Rous, author; Con-
stance Carruthers, authoress.
Scene: A room in a farmhouse near the
little village of Fernstone. He has just
filled large, old-fashioned crate with torn
foolscap pages, which he ignites by means
Of wax taper. Having assured himself
that his work of demolition will soon be
complete, he draws chair to table and pre-
pares to write a. letter.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

. (writes) my
Dear Dick-NeWs
in miniature, for I
am returning to
London tO-mOr-
row (and shall see
Y O u within a
week), a sudden
resolve due to a
tardy discovery
that I am a bigger
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
Over the Precipice

Hosts of invalids tumble to destruction
simply because they will exercise no dis
erection in the matters of eating, drinking
and the avoidance of exciting causes, and,
above all, in the item of medication. They
persist in dosing themselves in season and
out of season with drastic and violent rem
best, the safest, the pleasantest substitute
for such hurtful no-remedies is Hostetter's
Stomach Bitters, potent for malarial, rheu.
matte, dyspeptic, nervous and bilious com
plants.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Nobody gets as much and as profitable
free advertising as prize fghter.-Atchi-
son Globe
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

The man whose cause is wrong is suls
to be the loser if he gains it.-Ram's Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Icy pavements and bruises give aches and
pains. St. Jacobs Oil gives cure, comfort.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Piso's Cure for Consumption is an A
No. Asthma medicine.-W. R. Williams,
Antioch, Ills, April II. 1894.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

What men call failure may often be what
angels call suecess-Ram's Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

When bilious or costive eat Cascare
candy cathartic, cure guaranteed. lOc, Is
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

About half mans time is taken up sign
ing petitions and protests.-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

just try Zoe box of Cascarets candy ca
thartic, finest liver and bowel regulator made.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

The worlds creed is: 'Hc is the best man
who wears the best coat."-Ram's Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

The men who work are not usually th
dead beats-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Cascarets stimulate liver, kidneys and
towels. Never sicken, weaken or grippe, l0c.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

No man can become great unless the peo-
PIE exaggerate his best points. - Atchison
Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Easy to have rheumatism. Just as easy
to get rid OF it with St. Jacobs Oil.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

No-To-Bac for Fifty Cents.
Over 40o,00ocured Why not let No. To-Bac
regulate or remove your desire tor tobacco
Saves money, makes health and manhood.
Cure guaranteed, Soc and 81 90, all druggists,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Every failure carries a guide-book to sue.
cess in it's inside pocket.-Ram's Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Don't give tract where bread is need
ulost.-Ram's Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Cold stiffens sprained muscle. St. ia
cobs Oil warns, softens and cures it..
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Every real nice old lady should have her
picture taken with her Bible in her hands.
It gives the people an added respect for the
Bible.-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Atimely i'll. Essay on Artichokes ssent out
free by j. Vissering, Alton, LII. Seed 81 bu.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

A man who will go block out of his way
to shake hands with everybody he sees is
no better friend than some who hardly take
time to speak. Washington Democrat.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

The man who is envious of evil-doers will
soon be an evil-doer himself.-Ram's Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

It takes hot fire to purify gold. Ram
Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Iowa farms for sale. 81 per acre cash, bal.
crop until paid. j. MuIhall, Waukegan, Ill.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

Frost:bites are like burns and scalds. All
are cured by st. Jacobs Oil.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

With cold neuralgia increases. With St.
Jacobs Oil it decreases and Is cured.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

"Hit's Gurus ter me-" said Uncle Eben,
'''ter hyuh how folks will 'buse er. gossip be.
him her back, an ter see how glad dey acks
wen she comes 'roun' ter tell de news
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
A Wonderful Statement

From Mrs. McGillas to Mrs. Pinkham.
think it my duty, dear Mrs. Pink
ham, to tell you what your wonderful
Compound has done for me.
Twas dreadfully ill-the doctors said
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04
A STRANGE FREAK OF NAruRE.

We hope to sell 10000 packages
Golden Rind Watermelon, the most
wonderful freak Of nature smooth,
shiny, yellow rind, crimson flesh, de-
licious! It's sensational. Took 500 first
prizes in 1896. You must have it to be
in the swim. Melons go like wild fire
at $1.0o apiece. We paid $500 for one
melon! 500 prizes for earliest melon
-ripened in 1896 in Al days. Lots of
money made in earliest vegetables.
Salzer's seeds produce them. Thirty
five earliest sorts, postpaid, $1:oo. "
SEND THIS NOTICE AND Is CENTS FOR A
Pkg. of Golden Rind and wonderful seed
book, LAG big pages, to the John A. Sal
Ter Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis. Xxi
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

times I would get so blind, I could not
see for several minutes.
I could not stand very long without
feeling sick and vomiting. could not
breathe q long breath without scream.
ing, my heart panied so. @3..-:
1also had female weakness, infam-
nation of ovaries, painful menstrual
ton, displacement of the womb, itch
ing of the external parts, and ulcera-.
ton of the womb. Ihave had all these
complaints. :. .z.l,. ~
The pains had to stand were some
thing dreadful. My husband told me
to try a bottle Of Lydia E. Pinkham's
medicine, which did, and after taking
it for q while, was cured. No other
!. kind of medicine for me as long as you
make Compound. hope every woman
who suffers will take your Compound
and be cured. - MRS. ]. 8. McGILLAs,
tl1ssKilburn avenue, Rockford, Ill
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1897-03-04

they could
cure me but
failed to do
so.
I gave up
in despair
and took to
my bed. I
had dreadful
pains in my
heart :.
fainting- IN
spells, w
sparks be-. = !:
fore my
my eyes
and some
The Butler weekly times., 1897-05-06
Order of Publication .

|srATE OF MISSOURI as
County of Bates.
b it remembered, That heretofore, to,Wlt: AZ
irregular term of the circuit court of Bates
eounty Mo- begun and held at the court
house, in the city of Butler on the hrst Tues
day after the second Monday in Fepruary,
ly7 and afterwards on the 10th day OF
March ISg7. the same being the Thirty-ttth
judicial day of said term, among other, me
following proceedings were had, to;Wi.: the me
State of Missouri at the relation anu 10 the
use of : IL Fisher eN-officio collector OF the
revenue of Bates county in the state OF Mis-
souri, plaintiff, VS.. The unknown heirS OF
Archibald L. jackson and the unknown heirs
ofJames b Robinson, defen1ants,. a,,, H.,
Now at this day comes the plaintih herein oy
Ter attorney and files her petition ana aihuavit.
stating amonG other things that Archlpaiu !
lsckson and James Il Robinson, are Doth ueau
md that the real estate herein described pc
nnss 10 their heirs who are unknown TO the
phiutitf and relator or his agent or at,orne! !,
md that said defendants are non-resiuents y,
he state of Missouri. Whereupon IL t Is o,usrs e.
| by the court that said defendants be nouneu py
Gblication that plaintiff has commenced . sun
@ainst them in this court by petition anu ailua, y
Htthe object and general nature OF wnien 10 W
nfOrce the lien of the state OF MIssoui , i' sss,
| delinquent taxes of the years 1871, ies.
| a&n, and 1891, amounting in the aggregate "
! Ae sum of SS IL, together wlth lnterest,
| csts, commi ssion and fees upon the ioiiowins
eescribed tracts OF lana situa'eu III Dow
4 county, Missouri, to-wlt: &c ,..
The north half of the northeast quatrer i' y, uns
utheas quarter of section thirty four s sSt nm m
nwnship forty (4O) of range thirty-three tS0 ano
| iast unless the said defendants be and appear
I ssthe next term of this court to be begun ana
holden in the city of Butler, Bates county
Missour, on the first Tuesday aiter VIZ seson "a,
Monday in June, 1897, and on or before III
nird day thereof f the term thall & SO ons y con ih
unue, and il not then before the emu oi w
1 term and Mead TO said petition according =
hw, the same will be taken as confessed ah'
Mgment rendered according to the prayer .
lao
i ante sold 10 satisfy the same ,r
And it is further ordered by the he. eenT p,lT
Aata copy hereof be published IN Ilie II; u, !, ,
l In WEEKLY TIMES, a weekly newspaper prlh!
ID and published in Bates county, missouri
\ hf four weeks successfully. the last mssrtlo
y 70 be at least fifteen days before the hrst uas
he next term OF said court. y true copy ir"'
Ne record .s,.,;
fsr.,l r-;,h tbe Ssal oF said court hereunt
AFFIXED. Done at Office in Butler O
his the 9th day OF April, ls1.. ,cupSo>
ss.st Circuit Clerk.