Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1896-06-01
FACTS AND FANCIES.

until | see you occupy the position OF
the late John Mccullough"
| McDevitt Peter O'Rant-"Ah, you fiat
/ ter me-"
| Stage Manager-"Not at all. McCul-
/ Tough, you know. is dead. Philadelphia
| North American.
''Well, the backbone Of winter is broken
now"
"What makes you say SOP
''The man next door has frightened up
a SD fence by splashing So worth Of
whitewash and spelling $50 suit of
| clothes''-Chicago Record.
| Dick-SYou know that Teller workin
in shaft II who was always kickin' for
a raise?''
Mick-"Yes.
Dick-"Well, he kicked over a can Of
! dynamite today, and got TIP to
Date.
Toodles-'T see a man in Washington
has invented thought machine"
Noodles -'Well, that's just the place
where thought seems to be most need
ed.''-Kansas City World.
1.-THE reason why the British want to
swallow up half of Venezuela asserted
Pat, is because of the gold there is
down there
Sure" replied Mike. they're always
after gold, the English. If they were
landed on an uninhabited island, they
would not be there an hour before they'd
have their hands in the pockets of the
naked avages!'-Harper's Round Ia
bic.
Miss Summit-"Mr. Fiddleback want
ed to send you birthday present, but
told him you had stopped having birth
days ten years ago. Was / right?''
Miss Palisade-'I believe so. | know
it was two years after you stopped. .
Truth.
Prospective Traveller suppose your
road has first-class accommodations? |
don't mind telling you this is to be my
wedding trip, and that is why | am so
particular
Ticket Agent ''Bless you, young man,
our road was built expressly for we'd
ding trips. We have tunnel every cou-
pie of miles. New York World.
Baggs-"Why did you give up house
keeping and go to boarding.
Gaggs-'My wife is learning to ride a
wheel" Washington Times.
Jenks-''If America had the Mayfiower
now we could sweep England off the
seas"
Hanks-"What makes you think SOP
Jenks-"Because according to the mil
lions of people claiming their ancestors
came:iover on the MayfoWer@ the ship
must have been as big as Illinois. Up
to Date.
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
f1du d vile anu COuluu Keep HCI,
He hid her boomers, bike and bell
And then he kept her very well.
New York Press:
At the Golf Breakfast-''Do have
some Tee, Mr.. Caddyv'
''No, thanks, but I'll have a couple of
links of that sausage, please"
Il don't thinks it's wrong to fish on
Sunday if you set about it religiously.
| always prays for a nibble and gives
thanks when / lands a fish. Truth.
Mrs. First knight (sweetly)-"Who is
the villain of this play, dear?'
Mr. First Knight (savagely)- au-
thor, guess. Chicago Dispatch.
He-"I see New York firm is adver
Using flowers by telegraph
She-"I prefer to have them with the
stems. | don't think they're as good
wired. ~ onkers Statesman.
Bobbie-''What are descendants, ia
ther?'
,Father-,..'Why, the people who come
young man in the passage?"
Bobbie-"That's one of sisters descend
ants come to take her for a drive. =
American, Philadelphia.
81 wonder why it is a man always
stammers when he is proposing to
grip said Miss Wilbur. every man
I've had proposing to me has been sim
ply incoherent in his speech"
Il guess it's because they generally
have their hearts in their mouths. and
they interfere with their tongues" sug-
gested Miss Thinkitout-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
A story is told of a now famous Amer
lean artist who was seen, one day during
his struggling days in Paris, with his
clothes in the last stage of dissolution,
and his shoes tide up with Irvine. But
their was a wild CLEAN in his eye: I've
got $1OOv' he shouted to friend across
the street, quite OblivlOuS of the crowd
$500, and I'm going to buy some shoe
stringsw
A fine distinction in style was recent
~ epitomized by a New York woman
who was asked if she thought a certain
matron of her acquaintance pretty.
Rather, was the answer; but she is
not the style | admire; she is the kind
of woman that her servants always
| copy"
Mrs. Hopkins is a young woman, and
| yet she looks DID,
eyes, she looks that way because she
worries so for fear she will. Chicago
Record.
Mrs. De Pot-''They say Col. Chump-
erly,. the old warrior. was always where
! the bullets were the thickest.'
Reverdy-"YeS; he drove an ammuni-
ton wagon. '-Philadelphia North Amer
| lean.
Cool but Politely Lady 'Shall
you never get married then, Herr As
sessor?' Gent-"Oh, yes! after YOU
| Humoristische Batter
"What do you think Of my work with
the camera?" asked the young man, who
is an enthusiastic amateur photographers.
cts splendid, in its way replied the
girl who means well. cts better than
| any of the professional caricaturiStS can
| Washington Star.
Miss Fright-"Now, them I want you
to make this picture of me just as pretty
and stylish as you know how"
| Photographer (absent-mindedly)- Ger
| tainly, madam. Did you bring Il clip
| Somerville Journal.
Boy Amt sister and you going for a
ramble this afternoon?"
Suitor-'We are, sonny; but why do
you ask?''
| because sisters had the corn
doctor here all the morning. The Wa
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