The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-02-29
1T MADE BILL NYE FAMOUS.
His Letter Of Resignation Which
Called National Attention
TO Him.

work at Laramie, Wyo. The thing
which drew him out of his obscurity
and eventually made him a famous
humorist with a good sized fortune,
was the letter in which he resigned his
place as United States commissioner.
That letter, which was reprinted every
where, marked the advent of new
comic writer and the turn of the tide
in the affairs of Edgar Wilson Nye.
Here is the famous epistle:
To the Department of Justice, Wash
ington, ID. C.:-Several months age /
resigned as United States commissioner
of this judicial district. The govern
ment did not accept my resignation,
thus tacitly asserting that there was no
one who was considered competent to
take my place in holding up this corner
of the national fabric.
once more resign. 1 do not do so
because am displeased with the gov
ernment, or because l am displeased
with public life. There is no reason
why the government and myself should
not continue to be friends, but under
the new regime for United States COM
missioners of district courts, am COM
PEELED to retire from the official capacity
which I have so long filled with so
much skill and credit, both to myself
and the United States.
The department of justice now re-
quires me to furnish detailed state
ment each month of all the business
done by the commissioner, with his
official signature attached. 1 am also
required to keep large volume in my
Office as a record of the United States
cases examined by me. / am to do
this at my own expense, IN order that
the honor and high moral tone of the
nation may remain unsmirched.
All these requirements l could, of
course, comply with, but I am cursed
with the horrible apprehension that IN
the future l shall be required to do
more of this, until the expense will be
more than can meet. 1 could now,
of course, get little chores TO do around
town, enough for necessary funds to
buy the records, etc., hut before
another year the government may
require me 10 buy a marble top center
table. and two or three paintings by
the old masters, In order to give the
proper amount of terror to the United
States criminals. This would compel
me to go without new overc0at and
underclothes, of which am sadly in
need. had hoped that with the
financial prosperity of the past year
there would be one case, at least, for
examination, for which l could realize
Sc or Z, and which would ease this
branch of the department of justice
temporarily, bat | have been disap-
pointed all the way through. I could
squeeze along without the overcoat, in
in order to get the required record this
winter, but the underclothes / feel as if
I ought to have.
! might die suddenly while on the
bench, and it would sound harshly if
the telegraphie dispatch were to state
that when the post mortem was held
the jury found a verdict that the
United States commissioner had died
from exposure and temporary stagna-
tion of underclothes.
Our winters here are quite severe,
and if the department of justice should
capacity to buy an upright piano and
keep it on file, would have to clothe
myself in my answering integrity and
a pair of gold-bowed Eyeglasses.
, There is no question about the air of
cheerfulness that piano would give
to my Office, especially If some lady
we're to be tried on some charge or
ANOTHER, for she could hang an over
trre out of the instrument while wait
ing for the United States attorney to
come, and it would help him kill time.
but the court would either have to lock
itself In an adjoining closet till the
defendant had gone, or ask her to loan
him her shawl during the trial.
You will see from these suggestions
whittier we are drifting.
will now turn the Office over to the
department. 1t consists of pine box
with some specimens of secondhand
chewing tobacco preserved in sawdust,
and q bald headed feather dpster. The
department will please send receipt
to me for these archives, as desire to
have everything done correctly and
with the usual amount of precision and
delay.
The United States, in my resigna-
tion, sustains q loss which it can i'll
afford, and the national snperstructure
becomes almost q lettering wreck.
The proper man may be raised up for
this crisis, but it is not at all probable.
DIR. Tanner would be o good man.
{ SIMPLY throw this out as a sugges-
tion.
Still, he would require clothes. 1
hadn't thought of that.
1t is very seldom that you will find a
man with the happy union of qualifica-
tions necessary for this office. You
might secure a man who can live on
the delightful climate and what cold
food he can secure among the neigh
bors, but be ID liable to haYe an un-
appetite for clothes, while on
the other hand, you may find man
who is the exact vice versa, or what |
ever you may call it, or the other man. |
You will perhaps wonder at the delay |
Of my last monthly report, but it is
easily explained. The man who prom
ised that he would come before me in |
August and acknowledge deed and
pay me two bits for it, came to me in
septemher and told rae that he didn't |
make the sale of property that he had
now resign.
Congress may take such action in
acknowledgment of my past services as
It may see fit.
Whatever appropriation is made
Eill be thankfully received and re-
'elptea,
fwould also receipt my winter pants
1t the same time.
l find that can starve to death just
Is successfully in journalism as can
n any Official capicity, and l hope the
government will not feel hurt over my
'9prae,
Handling the amount OF money that
have. being a United States commits
ioner, has been q terrible strain on
ne, and resign before 1t Is too late.
| resign while l have the manhood
till left to overmaster my fiendish
iesire to embezzle the coal hod and the
rout door of the office,
Hoping that na further explanation
will be necessary, | subscribe myself,
Yours, with a moderate amount of
irmness and passionate desire for