davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
A simple English Funny story.

He was a poor struggling ha'penny-a-
liner, with hunger and thirst large upon
his pinched gray face, says Ally Sloper.
His elbows glistehed like the smoked lens
of a sixpenny kaleidoscope and his boots
gave an audible "squish, SQUASH" as ne
trudged through the mud. Ordinarily, he
was an inquest and county court reporter,
but in his lighter vein he sometimes PEN
ned a grim, sad joke, and such was the
case to-day. He'd written it out neatly,
underlined the point to be set in italics
and now assembled the stairs at the Bun
hole Bros. Qlmited) gigantic printing es-
adjustment, to unload it on the unwary
comic editor of Bust Yer Sides one of the
seventy-two miscellaneous publications
over whose destinieS Bunhole Bros. ruled.
1t was precious confusing to contribu-
tor who only called occasionally, those
seventy-two editorial dens under one roof,
for nothing is so calculated to begin trou-
BILE as to unwittingly drop in and leave
an account of a rafting match with the
controller of the Pew and Pulpit or turn
in racy account of a breach of prom
Use suit on the elderly maiden lady who is
penning recipe for an infants first
swaddling bandage" for the woman's cor
ner.
He paused on the fifth floor. Higher
up; this is the Golfers Guide ROOM" said
an irritable old man in a red flannel
jacket.
He paused on the eleventh floor "Oh
the Buster. that upstairs" said a small
boy of severe importance; this is Re-
plies All Hot floor!'
He pulled up putting, on the fourteenth
floor. A sweet young typewriter came out
of door marked THE Mother-in-Law's
Marker Editress.'' ''Three more flights"
she said, prettily, "the lift will be here in
a minute"
But he didn't wait for it; he trudged on
When he pulled up again it was on the
eighteenth floor; in his abstraction he
hadn't kept count properly.
ooh, you re one of the wits of the Buster
eh?" laughed facetious young gentleman
who was the sub of the Football Flashes,
you'll find it on the floor below"
The poor liner thanked him and was
about to descend.
Half a mo-" cried the Football funny
man. Il merely wish to remark that you've
carried your joke too far! Ha-ha-ha! He
-he-
But the worm had turned. The incensed
contributor, his eyes now flashing fire and
his nostrils dilated, had caught UP a pair
of editorial scissors and ere the echo of
he wretched sub-editors laughter had died
away he fell bleeding to the ground with
the sharp shears stuck in his intercostal
artery.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
Refused the Wrong Beggar.

81 never refuse the plea of a beggar,"
says leading member OF congress, ac-
cording to the ST. Paul Globe. "You must
not use my name and advertise me as
a philanthropist, for am not. 1t is sim
ply a matter of necessity for me. am
obliged to give something to every beggar,
or I could not sleep at night. 1 made a
bad mistake once, and would rather give
occasionally to the unworthy than to ever
deny assistance to the worthy.
"Once upon time l was in st. Louis
on business. 1t was winter, and you
know how cold that town can be when
it tries hard. / was out on the street at
II o'clock one bitter night when a chap
struck me for a dime. He was poorly
clad, looked hungry and sick, and l ought
to have handed out the money at once.
1 was just brute enough not to do it. He
followed me a hundred feet, begging and
pleading, and finally threatened to have
him arrested. He turned away with a
sob in his throat, and 1 went on to the
hotel
There was a big snowstorm that night,
and next morning they found him in a
drift, frozen stark and stiff. l saw the
body and recognized it. The pale face
was pinched and drawn with hunger and
suffering, and the eyes were as wide open
as yours-great big blue eyes, sunken back
in their sockets, and staring at me in an
awful way. Yes, sir, they seemed to be
fastened on me alone, and to follow me
as l moved. When I heard car drivers,
draymen, bootblacks and newsboys say
ing how gladly they would have given the
poor wretch quarter to buy lodgings
and food, l sneaked away, feeling that
] was murderer. 1t hurt me more than
l can tell you. don't wait now to he
asked for aims. 1 give to some who are.
no doubt undeserving, but 1 take nv
chances on that. That thing rests like a
murder on my conscience and nothing
like it shall happen again"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
Having n Good TIme.

A young man was calling on an uptown
clergyman. says the New York Times
The reverend gentleman was engaged
and in his place appeared a tiny littl,
lady of six, who informed the visitor. who
was stranger to the family, that she
was TO entertain him until her father was
at liberty. Hostess and guest soon came
TO be upon the best of terms. There was
a frankness in the little lady's manners
which was engaging. Il don't think you
comb your hair in a very nice way" she
volunteered when the acquaintance wa,
approaching n stage of intimacy. Thu
visitor agreed that perhaps II might be i'm
proved, and his hostess vanished. to re.
turn in second with a comb and brush
with which she brushed down his haIt
In a smooth, neat fashion. She gazed a,
her handiwork with admiration, and. hay
ing completed a serious task, felt read.
for lighter amusements. Would Won lik
to see me turn somersaultsg she volun
teersd. The visitor who by that tim
had quite lost his heart, was ready 10
anything. So the little lady proceede
to turn somersaults. All this took som
time. and the clergyman made his appeal
ance IN the midst OF the sport. Bur :
was not welcome. "Oh. papa" said m
little entertainer, trying 10 bar his en-
trance I'VE are having such a beautlfu
time, ana We don't want you az ALL"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
Twelve Thousand in one state.

I
! Maj. Mckinley will not have so many
pleasant things said to him few months
hence as he is having now. The number Of
office-seekers is appallingly great and they
are making their prettiest speeches to the
President-elect. Only a small number
of them can be successful in getting Of
fees Maj. Mckinley, owing to the ex-
tension of the civil service rules to nearly
all branches of the government, will have
very few offices at his disposal in com
parison with the number that was in the
gift of other Presidents.
Mr. Mark Hanna says that 5000 citizens
of Ohio have applied for appointment to
federal Office under Maj. Mckinley, and
that he expects the number will reach
1000 Think of it! If one state furnishes
1900 applications how many will all the
states furnish? Maj. Mckinley will need
an army of clerks to file applications for
office and gather information concerning
the applicants. He ought to thank MIR.
Cleveland for putting so many of the Of
fees under the jurisdiction of the civil
service commission.
Maj. Mckinley is popular with his party
now, but what will be the feeling in the
ranks of the party when two or three
hundred thousand hungry and disappoint-
ed ofice-seekers have expressed their
opinions of him? They will do their utmost
to make it appear that he is the most I'M
grateful man ever elected to the presi-
dency. And yet, every one of them
knows that there isn't offices enough to
so around. The least deserving, however,
will be the loudest in denouncing him as
uugrateful and unfit for the high Office
to which he has been chosen.
The presidency is a great office, but 1t
does not bring unalloyed happiness to
those who. after years of struggling, sue
coed in gaining it. Its responsibilities,
cares and annoyances pretty nearly ball
ance the satisfaction there is in possess
ing it. Maj. McKinleys troubles have just
begun. They are so great already, how
ever, that he has left his home in order
to secure a few days rest.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
THE GREAT HUXLEY.

What Huxley, the Great English
Scientist, Considered the Oest
Start in Life.
The great English scientist, Huxley. said
the best start in life is a sound stomach.
Weak stomachs fail to digest food properly
because they lack the proper quantity of
digestive acids Qactic and hydrochloric)
and peptogenic products; the most sensi-
Bile remedy in all cases of indigestion, is
to take after each meal one or two of Stu
art's Dyspepsia Tablets because they sup
ply in pleasant, harmless form all the ele-
ments that weak stomachs lack.
The regular use of Stuarts Dyspepsia
Tablets will cure every form of stomach
trouble except cancer of the stomach.
They Increase flesh, insure pure blood
strong nerves, bright eye and clear COM
plexion, because all these result only from
wholesome food we'll digested.
Nearly all druggists sell Stuart's Dyspep-
STA Tablets at so cents full sized package.
Send for free book on Stomach Trout
bles to Stuart Co., Marshall, Mich.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
Coming This Way.

At last the movement of immigrants
from the west and northwest to the south
has assumed such proportions as to at
tract very general attention. Our dis
patches from the western states give no
tice of the formation in those states of coll
ones which are preparing to seek new
homes in the south, and our dispatches
from various parts of this state announce
the coming of new settlers We have no
doubt that this movement will steadily
grow, and that the vacant lands of the
south within the next ten or fifteen years
will be pretty well taken up by thrifty
western@armers.
A few days ago one of the colonists Of
the thrifty town of Fitzgerald, while in Sa-
vannah, stated that the people of that col
ony were well satisfied with their situa-
ton and surroundings. and that they much
preferred Georgia to the section from
which they had emgrated. There were a
few, he said, who were dissatisfied, but it
would be strange if among so large a num-
Der of colonists there were not some dis
satisfied ones. Those who are not con-
tented, however, expected to find homes
already prepared for them, and thought it
would be an easy matter to make fortunes
without any special effort on their part.
Such conditions, however, they will not
find anywhere. Homeseebers who are
thrifty and willing to work will find 1t
easier to make a living and earn compe-
tency in the southern states than else
where in this country.
For the laborer, the south does not offer
great inducements, because the negro oc-
cupies the labor field, and will continue to
do so for long time to come. The me-
chanic, farmer and miner, however, will
find in the south splendid opportunities for
lettering their material condition.
The south extends hearty welcome to
these western people She recognizes in
them a most desirable class of citizens.
They adapt themselves to their new sur
roundings quickly, are easily assimilated
and join readily with the native population
in building UP the country. Not few of
them are descendants of southerners, who
emigrated to the west when that section
was a wilderness. These descendants
come back to the land of their fathers not
only feeling assured of a courteous recep-
ton. but believing that the south is des-
tined to become the greatest and richest
part of the republic.
There is room in the south for all west
ern people who desire TO settle within her
limits. Only a fraction of the south has
yet been brought under cultivation. Her
development has only just begun. She is
rich in minerals, her forests are vast, her
soil is good and her climate is superb.
These attractions are becoming known and
they will draw to her steadily increas-
ing stream of immigrants.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
THE MORNING NEWS: MONDAY, DECEMBER 81 1896.

1t would probably have been better had
the legislature given is judiciary investi-
eating committee the power to include the
charges against the third judge named"
by Senator Carter in its inquiry. The
charges against the last named judge were
specific in their nature, and had been given
prominence by publication in the editorial
columns of a reputable newspaper, as well
as through Senator Carter's statement in
the Senate. The backing given this last
case makes the demand for an investiga-
ton stronger, it seems, than in either of
the others. The legislature, by shutting
off an investigation, has made it certain
that the matter will be discussed widely,
and most likely to the disadvantage of the
judiciary. 1t is due to the accused and to
the people that the matter should be Off
cially settled at the earliest possible mo-
ment. Under existing conditions, there
are reasons to think the matter will be kept
alive until the next legislative session,
when it will furnish sensational Incl
dent"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
Fewer Bricks Would Have Dons

The logic of the infant mind IS usually
right, although its theology may be wrong.
says the New York Tribune. Four-year-
old Raymond lived in a suburban town
and in frame house that had an L. From
the roof Of that L arose a tall chimney
Almost beneath the chimney stood Raw.
mond's bed. One evening he was made to
go early and alone to bed as a punishment
He had not been long in bed, hardening his
stubborn little heart against the voice of
conscience, before a violent gust toppled
over the slender chimney on the roof with
a numerous crash that shook the whole
house. Close upon the noise of the tum
bling bricks the startled household heard
cries of terror from Raymond's room. His
mother rushed TO the little fellows be-
side and soothed his fears. When the
fright was gone, curiosity came to take
its place
Mamma, what made our chimblv blow
DOWN." he asked.
The wind, dear"
What made the wind blow our chimbly
down?''
God made 1t, I suppose, son."
What did God want to blow our Chin
bly, down for?'
Here the mother, like many other relig-
ious teachers, could not resist the tempta-
tion to use the acts of God as a whip in
her own hands.
Perhaps because Raymond has been
such bad boy to-day"
Assuredly this had a very grave aspect
After few minutes of silence came this
comment: well. God needn't have blown
down our whole chimbly. He might have
knocked off a few bricks, and il would
harVe scared me Just as much"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
Small Canneries.

In Georgia and Florida thousands of dol
lars worth Of what may be called, the sur
plus of the fruit and vegeta-
BILE crops go TO waste every
year. Such parts of the crops as
can be advantageously shipped are sent
to market, and what is left over-usually
a considerable quantity-is given away,
thrown way or otherwise disposed of in a
manner that brings no return to the pro-
ducer. 1t has often been urged that can
ming factories be established for the pur-
pose of utilizing the surplus of crops. or
whole crops. if 1t should occur that mar
kets for produce and fruits were so glutted
that it would not pay TO make shipments
direct from the fields and orchards. The
market for canned goods is enormous, and
is constantly increasing. Prices for first
class canned goods hold up we'll all the
time, no matter how depressed may be the
market for vegetables and fruits.
The very name factory" however,
seems to have an awe-inspiring effect up-
on people of small means. They look up
on factory" as something requiring an
immense outlay of money. And, not be-
ing possessed of great sums of money
they draw back from the suggestion of a
canning factory" OF late, by the way,
canning factories have been called by the
less impressive name of 'canneries," which
to some degree brings them closer to the
masses.
But, by whatever name they may be
called, it is a fact that canning factory.
or cannery, costs very little money. AL
most any progressive farmer who is so
minded can set up cannery Of his own
and never miss the money that it would
cost. The Florida Agriculturist has been
making Investigations along the line Of
canning plants, and announces that com
plete plant for putting up 1900 three-pound
cans, or 2,750 two-pound cans per day, can
be procured for only 500. This includes
the process and scalding kettles, cone fix
lures, furnace doors and CRATE bars, cop
pers, Gaping machines, scalding baskets
tipping coppers, tongs. files, syrup gauge,
thermometer. forging stoke and wise.
Twenty-Five hundred brick will set the ket-
tie. The plant could be made more eff
fective by the use Of ten-horse power
steam boiler, which would increase the
cost only by about $780, plant with
double the capacity of the one mentioned
can be bought for $3.50. To run the larger
plant with steam would require twelve
horse boiler, which can be put in at a
price to make the plant cost less than SOS.
building twenty by forty feet would give
ample room for either Of the plants. The
question of the cost OF cans, solder, labels
and packing boxes is a very small matter.
They are all very cheap
With these figures. from so good an au-
thority, to base calculations upon, the
farmers of Georgia and Florida certainly
ought to do something this winter in the
way OF erecting small canneres, in time to
take care Of next seasons crops. There
ought to be one or more canneries IN ev-
cry vegetable and fruit growing communi-
~ in each OF the states.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

The hrecracker nuisance has already be-
gun, and will probably continue straight
through until after the New Years holi-
days The spasm will reach its greatest
violence on Thursday and Friday nights.
after which It will subside TO degree. to
be followed by another violent attack on
New Years day. The city has done wen
10 provide for the limitation of the dis.
charge OF fireworks. but II could stln fur
iher restrict the limitations to good pur-
pose. II the discharge OF nrecracl<ers could
be limited 70 two or three days. .nobody
would kick. But week OF more Of the
racket ana smell Of hreoraokers destroys
many a persons enjoyment OF Christmas.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

The MORNING NEWS is published
every day in the year, and is served to
subscribers in the city, or sent by MAIL
at $1.OO a month, $500 for six months, and
5000 for one year.
The MORNING NEWS by mail, six
times a week without Sunday issue).
three months. $500; six months. $500; one
year, $500.
The WEEKLY NEWS, 2 issues a week.
Monday and Thursday, by mail, one
year, $1.OO.
Subscriptions payable in advance. Re-
nit by postal ORDER check or registered
letter. Currency sent by mail at risk Of
senders.
Transient advertisements, other than
special column, local or reading notices,
amusement and cheap or want column, 10
cents line. Fourteen lines of agate type
equal to one inch square in Depths
the standard of measurement. Contract
rates and discounts made known on APP
plication at business office.
Orders for delivery of the MORNING
NEWS to either residence or place of busi-
ness may be made by postal card or
through telephone No. 210. Any Irregular
fly in delivery should be Immediately re-
ported to the office of publication.
Letters and kilograms should be ad-
dressed "MORNLNG NEWS" Savannah,
Ga.
EASTERN OFFICE, % Park Row, New
York City, c. S. Faulkner, Manager
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
PERSONAL.

Robert Coilyer. the octogenarian Uni
tartan preacher of New York, has prac-
tically retired from active ministerial du-
ties.
when Mime. Albani was at the Nor
witch musical festival she received bill
from tradesman with whom she dealt,
addressed Mrs. l.. Barney.
--Signor Tosti, the composer of "For
Ever and For Ever" whose first manu-
scripts we're declined with thanks" can
now command $3.50 for song.
Louise Michel declines to come to this
country unless Pietro Corr, the Italian
anarchist accompanies her. Pietro has a.
dread of water and win not come.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

The state of Georgia is put in some
what queer position by the refusal of the
legislature to vote an appropriation for
state exhibit at the Tennessee centennial
exposition 1t has not been long since
Georgia was doing everything she could
to induce other states to make exhibits at
the Atlanta exposition; and many of them
didit. Georgia's refusal to take promi-
nent part in the Nashville exposition shows
her up in the light of being selfish.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

A case illustrating the need of uniform
divorce laws in all of the states came up
in New York the other day. A woman who
had been married in New York secured a
divorce in North Dakota. Returning to
New York she married again. The divorc-
ed husband declined to recognize the Da-
kota decree, and brought suit for divorce
on the ground that his wife was living with
another man. The court ruled that the wo-
man was the lawful wife of husband No.
T. while in New York, notwithstanding the
Dakota decree. yet at the same time she
would be the legal wife of husband No. 2
in Dakota. The ruling enables husband No.
to bring suit for divorce against woman
who is legally married to both himself and
another man.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

There seems to be an increasing DISPOSE
ton on the part of certain lawyers to
transform court rooms into chambers of
horrors during the progress Of murder
trials. Some recent and very striking ex
amples Of this have occurred in the city
Of New York But they probably did not
reach up to the perfection Of materialized
Nightmares attained to during the past
week In a Dayton, o.. court. A man was
on trial for the murder Of a girl. The
Eirl's head had been cut Off and preserved
III alcohol by the expert witnesses. During
the trial. when the experts were not
demonstrating something with II. Il rested
~ sealed glass globe on table directly
where the supposed murderer could see II
90 al times More cruel torture could not
De Imagined. II the man was guilty. Ana
j ne were not guilty. the constant pres.
"ieo OF the hideous thing was rmneiept
70 nna''er his nerves 81 not TO unseat hls
m'ha' such refinement Of torture ought
% be prohibited.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

Fay Templeton Of Georgia, New York
and the theatrical world, is married. As
might have been expected, she made a
"ten-strike." Her husband is William
sanderson Brown OF New York. familiar
~ known as billy" Brown. the son OF n
millionaire dry goods merchant. Fay had
signed a contract for the season az a biz
salary, Il Is said. But when there was
the opportunity TO sign n contract for NE
which would involve money 10 burn"
she vauiied the season contract uImbly
and seized the other.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

A New York legislator will Introduce at
the next session of the legislature a bill
against high hats in theaters. The wearing
of the obnoxious headgear is to be made
a misdemeanor, punishable by a fine of
effective If the penalty were confscation,
immediate confscation, of the offending
headgear; the constabulary to have the
right to seize and take upon sight, without
formal papers.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21
ltDLX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

Meetings-Clinton Lodge No. "a. T. and
a. NJ: Stockholders of the Central of
Georgia Railway Company.
Special Notes.-The Furniture and
Carpets to Be Sold at Auction at the
Schwarz Furniture Store; Notice to Su-
perior Court Jurors.
Auction Sales-Pictures, Sideboards,
Etc, by C. H. Dorset, Auctioneer; Fine
Furniture, by j. Mclaughlin & Son; Fire
works, Accordeons. Harmonious, Etc, by
J. H. oppenheim & Son.
Tobacco-Blackwelr Genuine Durham
Tobacco
School Boys-B. II. Levy & Bro.
Pearline-James Pyle New York.
Railway Schedules-Plant System; Geor-
eia and Alabama Railway
Steamship Schedules-Ocean Steamship
Company; Baltimore Steamship Company.
Medical-Scott's Emulsions; Duffy's
Malt Whisky; Hoods Pills; Woman's
Friend.
Cheap Column Advertisements-H
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent:
For Sale: Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-21

lei Liberal of Madrid advises the govern
ment to "use expedition in recovering at
Washington the time lost in Cuba" Is
there fund in the treasury available for
the construction of trocha behind which
the senators may hide when the dons
march upon the capital?