Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-06-04
fHB JOKER'S BUDGET
&sTs AND YARNS eY FUNNY Men
or THE PRESS.
Claude and Mauds- soorchIng--.Ths Per-
so,aI euantity.--vain Rsgrst--An A6
vanoed 1hinker.-.Sensitivs.

he was Cieuoes
She was Msude-
They married, but soon separated
She was Maude,
He was Clawed-
A climax all anticipated.
FROM THE DRprHs or EXPERIENCE.
sPapa, what is the ruling passionF"
s'Your mothers my child"
scoRonING.
McCorkle -Isnt Tenspo. running into
debt pretty lively!
McCrackle isn't the word for
il. He's fairly sprinting
THE PERSONAL QUANTITY.
She. TO me weddings are just as sad
as funerals. Which would you rather go
to?
He (glaring at his rival. 1t depends
upon whose 1t IL.
VAIN REGRET.
Weary Waggles-An' ter fink we
skipped dat free concert las night!
Dusty Rhodes-W'y?
Weary Waggles-Dis here paper says
de music was intoxicatin."
AN ADVANCED THINKER.
First Westerner. -Tornado Pete has
some curious idees.
s, cond Westerner. He has so. Last
night he was sayin' he thought the time
'ud come when we ID lynch hoss-thieves
by Electricity.
WORTH LOOKING INTO.
"Hello" she calculated. as she stopped
chnrf r,,,ot look into fhia ~
But she found nothing to excite her
suspicion, even after a thorough and close
examination.
1t was merely full.length mirror.
SENSITIVE.
Dorothy-Isnt it unfortunate that
Charlie kenyon suffers so frightfully!
1t has broken up his affair with Maude
completely.
May-How?
Dorothy-He proposed to her last night,
and when he was through she exclaimed,
"This is so sudden"
MAXWELL?
Dcrothy-Charlie thought she was try
ing to be funny.
OFTEN THE CASE.
Day-A mans ability to- save money
depends largely on his marrying woman
who is an economist in dress.
Weeks-Thats true; the more economy
the more cost.
HARDENED.
81 just saw man slip on banana peel,
and he came up smiling and never said an
unpleasant word"
~ guess he must be learning to ride
bike"
"Gooduck has had his salary raiset
was it for extra work."
"Yes. He always listens when the
proprietor tells his baby's smart sayings"
WHEN PoLIrENEss DOESN'T PAY.
"Politeness costs You nothing" says
the Manayunk Philosopher, except at q
social function. Then, If you're polite
you're liable to be mistaken for waiter"
A DISADVANTAGE.
Jones-I hear you have asked your
minister to resign?
Brown-Had to. He pounded the pull
pit so that we couldn't sleep.
MUCH IN EVIDENCE.
Clarence-I hear you went last night 70
ask old Kermudgeon for his daughter
Did you find it bootless errand?
George-No, indeed. Hound the boots
there all right!
BUT ONE REGRET. n
Judge Ito the prisoner)-Have you any
thing to say before sentence is pronounced
against you?
The Prisoncr-Why, no! Only this
Your Honor, hate awfully to be con-
victed of burglary on the testimony Of q
man who kept his head under the bed
clothes all the time.
AN IMPossIBIIITY.
''Now between you and me, darling,"
he began as he sat with his arm enfolding
her waist.
George" she interrupted, II wish
that You would be little more precise in
your words. How can there be nything
between you and me? There isn't ROOM"
and she snuggled up still closer.
DISAPPOINTED.
''Ob, DEAR" said the girl with the X-ray
glance as she looked at her bashful lover.
''Here's Jack come again tonight and
not brought his backbone with him."
IN BOSTON.
Howell Beaconstreet-My cousin from
Connecticut is strange lad.
Mrs. Beaconstreet Why do you say SO?
Howell Beaconstreet Last night he
said to me- You don't know beansi"
Why, mother, the Leguminose is the
study of lifetime.
DOUBLY FATIGUING.
"Ragsy, let's git us one O. them bisi-
ckles."
"Gee, Frazzles, yer loony; want ter
wear yerself out a-ridin' an a-walkin at
the same timer"
OBEYED INSTRUCTIONS.
''Hannah what are you standing there
staring at me forp Didn't l tell you /
was not to be interrupted unless the house
was on fire I"
''Well. mum, that's it. 1t do be burn
Ing this half hourl"
HIS EXCUSE.
"Dont you know II is wrong to fish
here on private grounds?'
"Well sir, the line must be drawn
scHEMER.
Mrs. Odd you succeed in renting
house, Alice9
Mrs. $40, dear, we are not going to
move.
Mrs. C.-But I thought you considered
The location uphealthvY