Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-01-20
HUMOR OF TIE DAY.

The upper hand-A foreman. Puck
High life-The signal service Off
GERS. Puck.
Tried by adversity-The art of bor-
rowing. Puck.
Cobble-"Have you got a good law.
yer?" Stone--.'No; but he's smart"
"What did the doctor do for your
complaint" "Told me the name OF
it. PUCK.
A cynic is man who has discovered
neither the worlds greatness nor his
own iittleness. Puck.
A man is like razor, because you
can't tell how sharp he can be until he
is strapped. Texas Siftinge.
Sat On: Traveller "May 1 take this
seat?" Maiden (from Boston, icily)-
"Where do you wish to take it, sir?"
Puck.
She says she can't afford cab
Expenses she must curb.
Yet when she walks upon the street
Her carriage is superb.
New York Herald.
Hoax-"What makes your son yell
and shout about tho house that way?"
Joax.-"He's getting in training to
enter college next year. '-Philadel-
phia Record.
New Woman Husband, need
change. The doctor says my life is
too monotouous; I need excitement"
Husband--"Try staying at home. -
Detroit Free Press
Countrywoman- want my boy on
the picture too" Portrait Painter
"Then it will cost eighty marks more"
Conntrywoman-"Bu am going to
hold him on my lap!"
Foreman (through tho speaking
tube) -"Where do you want that stuff
about Turkey put?" Night Editor
yelling back)--"On the inside, OF
course. -. Chicago Tribune.
First Kid-"Anyhow," never had
no granddaddy hung for hoss stealin'."
Second Kid-"Don't care if he wuz.
Hoses wuz worth stealth in them
days. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Judge -"Defendant, eau you ad-
vance anything more toward your de.
fense?" Defendant -"No, your honor.
I had only 81 end 1 have already given
that to my lawyer. DIS Echo.
'I wonder if that diamond Nudge
hos is of the first water?" 81 doubt
it. 1t has been soaked so many times
that it must be of the tenth or eleventh
water by this time. indianapolis
Journal.
Elise "My dearest Stella I haven't
seen you for four months. How is
your Charles?" Stella-''Oh, my
Charles has changed very much since
then. His name is now Robert!"-
Fliegende Blaetter.
Codger-''Funuy tnat such quiet.
domestic sort of chap as you should
remain bachelor. Didn't you ever
think of marrying?" Solus-"Yes;
perhaps that is the reason never mar.
ried. Boston Transcript.
Fond Parent-"Here ore two quar-.
ters for you, Bobby, to put in your
little bank" Bobby-"rd rather have
q half if you've got it, Pop" Fond
Parent-"Whatfor?" Bobby-"Cos
it won't go through the hole. Puck.
"The man I marry must be both
brave and clever" said the sweet girl.
"When we were out sailing" returned
tho adoring youth, ''and upset,
saved you from watery grave"
"Fhat was brave, admit, but it was
not clever" " "Yes, it was; upset
the boat on purpose "You dar-
lingP"--Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Newritch-" "Henry, you gave
yourself away badly at the dinner
table tonight Do you know you
were actually eating with your knife?"
Mr.. Newritch-"No! was /, though?
I hope none of our guests noticed it."
Mrs. Newritch -"Oh, don't care so
much about them-but our English
butter did. Puck.
Tt was in the Louvre She had been
gazing at and enthusing over the pic.
lures for hours, and finally, with a
gasp of envy, she cried: "Oh, dear
Why is it that we have so few old mas.
tiers and SO many old mails in Amer.
ica?" 81 guess it's because the oil
maids spend all their lives painting
themselves" said her companion, un.
allantly.-Harper' = Drawer.