New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1896-11-08
WHEN LOVES ASSIGNING.
Nav 20.

back again--but l shall always, always AWAY
love her And to have lest her! Even "o"
do not know quite how 1t happened suppo'e
II was my insane jealousy. But tha' was o"'s
because loved her IT has always 1rri'a'eu
me beyond measure to see Jack Wits oeVo'''e
himself to her, trying to win that which was
another mans. especially as that other MA"
was myself So 1 have no doubt that De-
haved abominaby for felt sure he wouid Keep
on with his detestable attentions after she was
my wife. My wife
Oh Rosamond. Rosamond! My fosamono
never more! The beautiful days are gone
The love dream Is past. dare not iooA i"'o
the future, and 1t is madness to turn pacA u
that which never come again.
am be xildered and heartsick. This Is the
on,v dav away from time that can have IN
which to pull myself together. Tomorrow
must face the club. and that means the world
To-day can allow myself the luxury OF thought.
the dreary sweetness of memory. the bitterness
of despair Tomorrow all this must be hidden
50 no one viii be able to guess whether OF not
ut has gone hard with Dick" Yet after ALL the
world will forget 1t in few days. Would that
I could too!
And she? =. II she would only take me back
again! 1 would go to her and humble myself TO
any extent II 1t would move her In the least
Some women would be more yielding Rosa
mond takes things too seriously or course.
knew that she as true as steel-sthl
wanted to be reassured I wanted her to come
to me and put her arms around my neck and
call me her dear foolish boy. and kiss me and
pet me, and tell me that Jack Willis was an
odious, empty headed egoist. vain. sentimental
dabbler In poetry. without even a reflected ray
of some borrowed spark of genius. vile worm
OF the dust not worthy to crawl along path
trodden by my valet in pair Of my CASTOR
shoes
Instead OF which, she stood very tall and fair
and stately and felt myself wither and shrivel
I'D under her steady gaze. (To be perfectly non
est must say that Jacks volume Of verses has
made quite a hit in literary circles-though
cannot see anything very extraordinary about
them)
But I was Jealous and was unreasonable, for
I knew that Rosamond might we'll be thinking
Of my three waltzes with Kathe Perkns-but
that had only been to make Rosamond jealous
and so balance accounts.
So, instead Of going across the room to her
and begging her forgiveness / began to fret
and fuss, I suppose-until had worked myself
into a passion, especially fell when she took
sides for Jack against me. and said that he was
unusually gifted and agreeable. II she had
only INDUCED me a little! For a man Graves
the luxury of sometimes sulking for the sake Of
being caioled into better nature by an extrava-
CANT show Of affection.
But Rosamond simply stood calm and white
before me. with compressed lips. and with such
q look Of hopelessness and dumb entreaty that
could have cast myself at her feet Some alb
surd feeling that she scorned me kept me from
doing 30 and that was the way left her.
In bitterness she?
Good God! would 90 to her and lay bare my
very soul II she would only take me back-but
she will not.
This is the end of two years Of love. Love as
true a. was ever given woman This Is the end OF
ave months Of happiness Happiness as COM
plete was ever given man. In few more
weeks she was to be my wife.
Now have not the right to hold her hand.
shall never take her In my arms again. I shall
never see her beautiful head droop until 1t rests
AGAINST my breast and / kiss her fair hair
The color will never come and go at my ap-
proach, nor that wonderful light in her eyes
ever shine for me. All, Rosamond
The sweet compa1ionship has forever gone
from my life. / am alone.
I fancied I could perhaps ease my mind by
writing out my thoughts. after the fashion Of
people in bookand. but that Is impossible. The
one thing that continually grinds and grinds IT.
self through my brain Is, II love ROsamond and
I have lost her and that is breaking my
heart"-which written here looks so meaning
less and feeble that find no soace in making
q confidant Of my Journal.
May 23.
went to the club last nlSn.. but the men were
either a little constrained or unnaturaly cheer
full In trying to conceal their sympathy from me.
10 I shall not go there again until that Is worn
off, How Is a man to dissemble when his heart
IL like lead In his breast and his brain Is be-
numbed with unhappiness? All, the world Is SO
black and life Is such a dreary thing I haven't
many virtues, but am not enough Of a cad or a
beast to try to drown my wretchedness in the
flowing bowl-besides. do not care to supple
ment an aching heart with an aching head.
May %.
went to the theatre last night, only to come
away at the end Of the first act. Last year. when
Irving was here Mrs. Scott-Jenkyn gave a thea
ire party. I remembered how much more at
tention gave Rosamonds profile than to tho
fortunes Of Beckett and Rosamond's air was
that of one q little distracted from that which
was supposed to be interesting behind the foot
lights 1t 10 80 odd now to 60 anywhere
without her.
Tried the last symphony concert. but the music
stirred I'D the devil Of a tragedy in me. violns
have such an agonizing way Of playing with
your emotions until your heart swells as II It
would burst. . Still, these concerts have
been rather joyous occasions VIII 1t always be
have BEEN" "have been"-or everything that
continually emphasizes the wretched present.
May 70.
Dropped in at the club last night. but have
been absent 80 much this last year that could
not get into the swing Of It. II 1t were not so
cowardly should leave town. run away. any,
thing to escape associations. cannot go by the
florists or the bookstore without thinking that
shall never send Rosamond any more flowers or
books And the art exhibitions! How 1 shall