Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-09-21
FACTS AND FANCIES.

GIVE got big worm, mamma, but he
amt ripe yetr'-Harper's Round Table.
No Advs ntage to Him.-''Well, you
don't have to hustle quite as hard as you
did a few weeks ago." said the loqua-
cious citizen to the iceman. NO." said
the toiler, ''but the ice is harder, AS
the weather gifts colder ice weighs a
heaD more to the pound. Indianapolis
Journal
Of the late Bishop of Rochester a good
story is told. He was batting in a local
cricket match, when the bowler sent a
ball very wide of the wicket.
Keep the ball in the parish!' cried the
irascible bishop.
The next ball knocked his lordship's
The yokel shouts: II think that's some
wheer ABBOTT the diocese, my lud!''-Lon-
don Answers.
When we ask if Eve was bashful,
History won't reply;
But one fact is a lead-pipe cinch--
Her clothes were very shy.
indianapolis Journal.
She-"Do you always acknowledge it
when you're wrongs"
He-"No; only when other people
know it."-Exchange.
Up North boy is suing newspaper
ton fell on him and crippled him for
life.-Atlanta Constitution.
eyes, when the crowd saw me they
set up a cheer -
What! Didn't they set up anything
more substantial than that Chicago
Record
INFORMATION WANTED.
The have got a Woman's Bible,
And now will some one tell,
Will they have a Woman'S Heaven,
Will they have a Woman's CHORD by the
Orchestra)? F. s. Bailey.
Mr.. Jayson-"Why do you permit our
Laura to receive the attentions of that
young Spooner? You certainly wouldn't
think of permitting her to marry him?"
Mrs. Jayson-"Oh, certainly not But
the Luptons are just crazy to get him for
their Mabel Cleveland Plaindealer.
GLOW do you know I'm newly-mar-
ried man?' asked the nervous individ-
ual of the elderly Individual who had
taxed him with that condition.
Know said the other, 'knoW! Why,
by your labored attempts to make us
believe the corset box you are carrying
contains bottle of whisky"
Ii Hung Chang, the Chinese states
man, is of humble origin. His father
was an ignorant woodchopper, and his
mother spent her girlhood as a servant.
An Englishman and Welshman were
disputing in whose country was the best
living. Said the Welshman
'There is such housekeeping in Wales
that I have known above a dozen cooks
employed at one wedding dinner
cay" answered the Englishman, "that
was because every man toasted his own
cheeser'
He-"And did you say the perspiration
ran down your facev'
She-"Ran down? It scorchedv'-
Yonkers Statesman.
1T must be to disgrace me before all
the neighbors that you came home
drunk
but my dear, who saw me?'
''No one; but they all heard me scold-
ing you."-Fliegende Blaetter.
She can get you up blizzard
Without any waste Of speech,
Just by packing all the blankets
In a closet out of reach
Chicago Record.
eyes, I realize that Jack was fast be-
fore our marriage, so | make an allow
ance for him."
eyes, but how, pray?"
"Well, till recently, by teaching music;
but I'm now trying stenography.
Brooklyn Life.
'Please, ma, don't want any Of these
cultured peaches
Cultured peaches, Johnny! What
can you mean by that?'
''The ones with specs on 'em. Boston
Transcript
'I wonder what that man is so an
cry at himself about?" said the mosqui-
to. During the half hour l have been
flying around his head he has done moth
ing but hit himself in the jaw every half
minute or o."-Indianapolis Journal.
"And you say that the hailstones were
| as large as hen eggs?'
"No," said the cautious person, ''they
were not quite that. They were, say,
about the size Of boarding house canta-
loupes. indianapolis Journal.
"You have been thirty years in the
public service and are rich and indie
pendent Tell me-. judge, why do you
| Because if l should do that [ would
not get my annual vacation. ''-Fliegende
! Blaetter.
Wifely grief over the death of the
Sultan of Zanzibar is divided among
| twenty-five widows, which makes it
easier to bear.-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph