Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1896-07-18
MdHssA DR. G. n. SHORES
o. = Ssssnd South s. SlltLaks City, Utah
The CAMPAIGN CLUB.

"Gemlen," said Brother Gardner as
the Campaipn club came TO order at the
command of the gavel, ~ ar panied to
announce dat dc Hon. Backwater Black
of Kintucky has hoofed it fur 42S miles
ober de dirt roads to deliber an address
befo' dis club an am now asleep on de
bench in de anty room. 1t pains me,
fustly, bekase he ar bo'din at my cabin
free of charge an am one of de biggest
eaters | eber saw; secondly, bekase
know he wants to borry So of me, an
hain't got de moral courage to retoose
him; thirdly, bekase he likes dis town
an may nebber return to Kintucky any
mo-, in which case he may BEGUN SIGH
nuisance dat Giveadam Jones may be
called upon to gin him de grand bounce.
1t am said, however, dat he am brilliant
orator an kno Us how to mix up white
wash so It will look like de fresco paint
in of Rome an Venice. De committee
will 90 out an wake him up an bring
him in, an we will gin him far show"
When the Hon. Backwater appeared
on the platform, his dimensions seemed
to be as follows: Length over all, feet;
breadth of beam, feet; depth Of hold,
feet; carrying capacity, "A mince pies
and a gallon of milk. He was not a
handsome man. On the contrary, his
facial appearance would have sent a
cold chill over any white dog he hap
pened to meet at midnight on lonely
highway. He seemed 10 be good
natured, however, and he was decidedly
at home as Brother Gardner introduced
him, and he bowed right and left and
agitated the toes which peeped out of
his SHOES.
"Patriots of America" he began in a
voice full of red core watermelon, "let
us presume fur a mint dat We am
standin in de shadder OF dc mighty
pyramids of Egypt, an dat de time am
10000 Vars ago Across de sandy desert
stretchin away fur hundreds Of miles We
can see de fgger of a female woman
approaching. Cheers for deserts and
woman. She hasn't got many clothes
on Her face am mulllcd up, an she
walks with limp. In oue hand she
holds bowl of clam broth and ia de
odder blacksnake whip. Wild cheers
for clam broth Oar am tears in her
eyes. an her chin wabbles She draws
higher. She approaches. DE higher
she comes de mo- she limps an de faster
her tears. Bimeby she walks right up
TO us, and wild one hand she holds out
de clam broth and wild dc odder de whip,
and she kneels on de ground an humbly
beseeches man, her lord an master, to
swaller dat broth an den gin her lickin.
cheers for lord and master and lickings.
He drinks up dat broth wild a yum!
yum! vuml an den he frows down de
bowl an larrups her wild dat black snake
till she can't boiler. Whoop, for yum,
yum and larrup. OATS de woman of
de woman of de past"
The speaker had made good start
and pleasant impression, and even
Brother Gardner appeared TO forget for
the moment that he might have 10 lend
him s. and board him couple of weeks
for nothing.
"ren thousand vars ago" continued
the speaker, after feeling of his suspend
ers and finding them all o. K, "woman
was a slave, a Thing. Her name was
mud. She could be stepped on an walk
ed AZ lung outer de winder, same as
ya'lcr dawg Cries Of indign- ton,
mingled with shouts for yaller dogs.
If she smiled, her husband hit her with
a cabbage head If she wep'. he thrbwed
her over the fence among de blackberry
bushes. One day dc wormed turned,
Dat pale.faced sad eyed, voc bcgone
woman, who was lame in boat legs an
all bumped ober wild grief, suddenly
braeed right up, got mad rs wei hen.
an dc fust thing her husband knowed he
was knocked down wild de rollin pin
cheers for lame women,
worms and rolling pin.
II cant say what brung about de
but it cum, an dat WIS dc begin
nin of womanhood--de beginnin OF the
eand. DE ole man opened his eyes 10
surprise, und he reckoned dere was sun
about ii, but by de time he h'a
bin cIawed baldheaded an kicked aroua
lie truck patch he made up his mind d7
/ new epoch had been dawned on
xentry an dat Lucinda had cum to st'E
From dat time woman begun to cumio
lie fruit. She sot out to look s"Ttt
IN purity an TO know beans when de ~
was united, an # If de ole man loefea
around for his black snake whipshe
made a jump fur de poker. ChFrs
Tor epochs, Lucinda aud the new per
Of things.1 Dat wos2an growed an spw-
ed an got mp' sassy shery day, az sShe
finally turned into 81 woman OF thd l4ss |