The St. Johns herald., 1896-08-08

-b1lIlmOre NeWS.
 When it begins to get real summery hot, can't we manage to have the weath
 CT man arrested for scorching?- Phil
 adelphia North American.
 Briggs-Does your wife laugh wher
 you tell her a funny story? Braggs-
 Oh, yes. I always tell her beforehand
 that it is funny.-IndianapOlis Journal
 She-Do you know anything worse than a man taking kiss without asking for 1t? He-I do. What, for in stanceT Asking for it without taking it."
 Mrs. Winks-I don't see how you could afford to pay S1O0 for wheel Mir. Winks-I couldn't. That's why have got to pay $1O5 for it.-Someryille Journal.
 TOmmy-Paw, what is a designing villain? MT. Ffgg-Oh, the description would apply to one of these poster ar lists about as well as anything.-In- dianapolis Journal.
 Sweet is the summer breeze that goes
 To gladden. tollIng man
 Especially the one that flows
 From an electric fan.
 Washington Star.
 She-I would not marry you If I were to live to be hundred years old He-Well, I should say you wouldn't, if l had anything to say in the matter. Indianapolis Journal.
 Look here, Bawl Earrings, I've a proposition to make" What is it, Noopops?" You stop talking about your bicycle and I'll not say another word about my smart baby. Truth.
 Justice-You are charged with steal ing Colonel Julep's chickens. Have you any witnesses? Uncle Moses-I heb not. I don't steal chickens befo' itnesses.-Amusing Journal.
 Young Husband-Are you in favor of free silver or the gold standard, my love? Young wlfe-Oh, I don't care, my dear, so long as you have plenty of it.-Philadelphia North American.
 Say, Dobbs, all your family are away; what do you keep your alarm clock going for" 'T want to wake up every hour and realize that don't have to walk the baby."-Chicago Record.
 "We cannot find a place to go this summer" Whats the trouble?" "We want a summer resort from which we won't have to write home that we sleep under blankets. ."-Chicago Record.
 Mamma, were those stories Uncle George was telling us about the big fishes he caught fairy stories?" ''I don't know, my child; wasn't listening, but I imagine they were" ."-Brooklyn Life.
 Edith and Mabel had just put their 'dollies In their little crib. Said Edith, with a sigh of relief, "There, I'm thank full we've got the children to bed. We shall have little peace now."-Boston Transcript.
 Wheeler-I see by the papers that Chicago bicycler was held up by two men. Sprocket (feeling if the court plaster was in place on his face-I wish to gracious 1t had been me!-Yonkers Statesman.
 Rugby-Our landlady is one of the | most expert calculators in town. Will kins-Is she? Rugby-Yep. We had beans for dinner to-day, and she asked l me how many would have.-Cleveland | 
 George-How do you like 1t, Cora? Cora-It's perfectly lovely. But what do they have all these policemen at the game for2 Oh, I know; 1t Is to keep the men from stealing bases.-Somer- ville Journal.
 Tt Is the intention to collect about s11, 900 for Pittsburg's Fourth of July this year," remarked the Horse Editor. "Ah," replied the Snake Editor, Money to burn?-Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
 How Is Jenny See getting along with ler bicycle lessons?" ''Oh, nicely" re- oiled the young enthusiast. "She has ,nly taken six now, and, do you know, never saw any one fall off wheel 10 gracefullyw-Buffa Times.
 JIlson-Is Jubbs sick or travelling? What makes you hink so2 Jllson-Ive been looking out if the window the last ten minutes nd haven't seen him playing hose n his lawn.-Roxbury Gazette.
 Clear Case.-"Do you ride wheel" sked the eldest of the doctors on the insanity Commission. Yep" answer d the subject. What make? q ever noticed" The verdict was unani- nous-dementia.- Cincinnati Enquirer. Reginald-Time brings about some dd changes, doesn't it? Harold-I hould say 1t did. Look at the matter f costumes. Why, when we played ennis, we turned our trousers up at be bottom, and now that we play golf 7e turn our stockings down from the -Woonsocket Reporter. ''If this Misther Hanna gets to be he great man he promises now" said Ir. Dolan, ''there'll be twice the num- er av babies named afther him as is amed afther most celebrities" "Oi ee no rayson fur it," replied Mrs. Do- n. "It's plain as day, though. He's aturally qualified fur the distinction. hey kin name all the by babies lark an all the girl babies Hanna q there y'are."-Washington Star. ' The orange orchard of Mir. Growth of f.