The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1896-04-05
CHESTNUTS BY DEPEW
COLLECTION OF STORIES WHICH
CHAUNCEY DELIGHTS TO TELL.
Are Long and Heavy, but All Have
a Sharp Point.

New York Herald.
The Hon. Chauncey Mitchell Depew has
added a great deal to the mirth of this
world. He has turned many bad dinner
into a feast Of wit and lifted many a man
from the slough Of indigestion to the pima
Gle of hilarty. Occasionally, however, Mr..
Depew is abused Recently he has been ac-
cused of ''peddling chestnuts." His stories,
a few carping critics say. shave seen better
days." But Mr.. Depew IS resigned to fate.
Age cannot wither nor custom stale his in
finite variety of jokes, and in order that the
great public may pass upon Mr.. Depew's
merits the Herald places before its readers
some Of the stories which he considers among
his best.
On the occasion Of his last trip to Europe
Mr.. Depew was thrown in contact a num-
Der of times with Irishmen of the home-rule
persuasion. One shining quality about Mr.
Depew is THAI he can accommodate himself
to any and all circumstances. 1t is said that
he claims a different nationality for each
group Of citizens with whom he associates.
Here is story the railroad prince tells to
the popular home-rule Irishmen:
cat a private dinner in England told the
very best story I could think of. 1t was
greeted with a little laughter. Next day
met my host on the Strand. He advanced to
me smiling, began to laugh as me grasped my
hand, and said: Do you know, Depew, that
was a capital thing you got off last night
capital. And do you know 1 have just this
minute been thinking what. a capital thing
it was? The point of the joke has just come
to me-
81 said: Why, 1t must have Travelled to you
on a freight train
MY dear Mr.. Depew, assure you I
haven't seen any freight train. assure you
/ haven't, pom honor"
An Engishman who had been in America
a long time was among group of gentle
men to whom Mr.. Depew related the story.
He gave pianssimo laugh at its conclusion,
and then when Mr. Depew turned into his
private Office the Englishman walked over
to Horace Duval Mr.. Depew's private secre-
tary, and, with puzzled air, asked, 'Oh,
say, what the devil did Depew mean by that
freight train?'
TOLD THIS TO THE PRINCE.
Mr.. Depew has stories galore about the
Prince Of Wales. Here is one he told his
Royal Highness:
"a day or two after I sailed for Europe a
man went into my Office and said:
"T want to see Chauncey Depew.'
"'He has gone to Europe my colored
porter told him.
"'Well, want to see Mr.. Duval.'
HE has also gone to Europe
Then I want to see Cornelius Wander
bit'
:. He is in Newport
"oh, guess want to see w. K Van
He is also in Newport
"'You don't tell me. Well, may see
Vice President Clarke
He is at Albany
How about Vice President Hayden
He is out Of town.
Is Vice President Webb IN the office?
No, he is in Europe
Is Superintendent Toucey in?'
No, he is up the road somewhere
How about General Passenger Agent
Daniels?
He has gone to Cape May
WHO. in thunder is running this road.
I guess it do be running ITSELF
| Here is one Mr.. Depew told to every for
eign statesman he met while abroad:
| of story teller is the literal minded man.
| When General Dix ran for Governor there
| was one Of the controversies Of the canvass
| His opponents claimed that ne was too old
| to fulfill the functions of the Office. Singu-
larly enough. the biographical dictionaries
II was making a speech at WATERFOWL to
| a very big audience. ! was running at that
| Republican upon the same ticket with
| Francis Herman. 1t was an immense out
door audience. In front of me stood man
| who watched me during the three hours OF
| that speech for the purpose of catching me
on some material point
II finally took pp the question OF General
/ Dix's age, gave the dates of the various BIZ
| ographical dictionaries and encyclopedias.
| and based a theory on how old he must have
| been in the war Of 1872, where he was lieu
tenant. and finally said that the only really
| authentic date had been revealed by some
/ recent researches in the colonial records OF
| Massachusetts. It had been discovered that
| when the Pilgrim fathers landed on Ply
/ mouth rock they found General Dix stand
ing on that historic spot. and shouting that
unless they made him a justice OF the peace
| he would go over and join the Indians-the
| point Of which was that the General had
changed politics many times. and every time
| he got an Office
my critical friend saw his opportunity
and grasped 1t at once. He sprang I'D with
shout that could be heard to the Canadian
| border.
Mr. Depew, that's lie.' he shouted
II looked at him moment to see whether
/ he had swallowed the bait and found thai
he had taken IL In. hook and line. bob and
sinker, pole and all. Then stepped to tn
front Of the platform and said. with. grea
| emphasis ard Indignation:
i Sir. have told that historic anecdotl
from Moutauk Point to Niagara Falls. q
/ hundreds and thousands OF the educafo<
people Of this great commonwealth. and yol
are the only man who ever had the au
g ~ ~,<sS <r's~ ~. 1,.n>-- s...- 81.