Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1896-07-20
FACTS AND FANCIES.

81 hear you had shoplifter at your
place the other day, Tapes?'
Yes. It's lucky she came Thursday
instead of Wednesday,"
''Why?'
Everything she took had been marked
down so per cent. If she'd come the day
before we'd have lost that"
II strongly object to being stared at,
said Bismarck once, land an opera
glass leveled at me at fourteen PAGES is
almost as Objectionable as a revolver
would be-" Bismarck, however, does
not object to being interviewed. Il re-
fused myself to three diplomats" he said
one day. ''but / received four journalists.
l learned from them more than should
have done from the others"
Algy-'I had a fevah once, and for
three weeks l positively didn't know
anything"
Miss Becky Sharpe-''Th was dread.
full. But don't you think you'll ever get
over it"'-London Answers.
THAT poem of yours" remarked the
fiippant person, reminds me OF Spenser,
'Faerie Queene.'
But" said the aspiring writer, "you
told me yesterday that you had never
read the 'Faerie Queene.
''Yes. That's why your poem reminds
me of it"
One Thing Certain-It was still in
the honeymoon period, and heavas senti-
mentally reviewing the situation:
Il should like" he said wistfully, Ito
live to a green old age.
And she answered reaSSurlngly:
whatever age you live to, darling, it
will be a green one.
''What fine, strapping fellow young
Middleton is!'
ayes. Great credit is due to his ia
ther''
''For his bringing up?'
''No. For the strapping.
doesn't it strike you, Dolphy, dear, %
and the gushing girl gazed dreamiS to-
wards the western horizon, that there
is more poetry in the slowly setting sun
than in any other object in the uni
verse?'
81 don't know so much about that, y
unused the mild-eyed Minstrel of Many
Reflections 81 reckon the waste paper
basket runs it pretty closev'-Judy.
Trout, tongue, salmon, whitefish OF
clubs taken in payment for subscriptions
at this office. We haven't yet decided tC
may be driven to it later on.-Ashland
(Me.) Headlight.
Teacher-"Willie yau are to stay in
after school and do three extra exam
pies"
Willie-"What! And git out of the
Scholars union for workin' overtime;
l will, l don't think! Cincinnati En-
Quirer.
"Strange about that burglar getting ar
rested while dressed as a woman"
Nothing queer about that; he couldn't
find his pistol pocket. Chicago Record
IN THE NECK.
''Man wants but little here below"
SO spake the ancient wit;
To which it may be safe to add,
He also gets Tint.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Dainty Dora-"Susie says she'll never
wear her boomers on that horrid Mr..
Goldie's yacht again" Sweetest Susan
whats the reason?'' ''Why, she says
that just as soon as he saw her coming
down the dock he called out in a real
loud voice to the crew to let loose the
spanker. Cleveland Plaindealer.
A gentleman was assisting at a ba-
zaar last winter by reciting now and
again during the evening. He had re-
cited once or twice, and the people were
sitting about chatting, when he heard one
of the committee go up to the chairman
and whisper: Hadn't Mr. better
give us another recitation now? Where
upon the chairman replied: 'No, not
yet; let them enjoy themselves a bit
longer. '-Tid-Bits
''Jim's done graduated, amt he?"
Got his diplomy?''
Shore
'Well, what kin he do?''
Reach home base every time, an kick
Il football clean over into the next coun-
tyr'-Atlanta Constitution.
Something Wrong. Master (rings for
his valet "Look here, Joseph, you have
brought me two boots belonging to the
same foot" Joseph (exit and soon re-
turns with an air of utter bewilderment)
PLEASE, sir, it's not my fault; the
other pair is just the same. lie Petit
Parisien.
ooh, mamma" cried little Frances,
''there are two new dear little kittens in
box down in the laundry with the
old cat" care there, dear?'' eyes,
mamma, and this years style of kittens
is black trimmed with white. Harper S
Bazaar.
Glaishier, the aeronaut, has noticed
that the voice of woman is audible in
a balloon at the height of about two
miles, while that of a man has never
reached higher than a mile. This is but
additional evidence of the well-known
fact that a woman is bound to have her
last word even to q man up in balloon.
Boston Transcript.
Editor Ito aspiring writer icy on
should write SO that the most ignorant
can understand what you mean" AS
pirant-"Well, what part of my para
graph don't you understand, sir ?'-Tid-
Bits.