The Monitor-register., 1896-07-31
A LITTLE FUN.

health, and So"
Mrs. Wrongrighter-"Yes, and so they
gave them to their poor, weak, helpless
wives and daughters."-N r Weekly.
#**
Yes" observed the fly paper, 81 snc.
'eed in pulling their legs, but they all
get dead onto me !''-N. Y Press.
~.
Miss Longtooth-"I'm so delighted,
dear, that the American artilerymen
have come over to England"
Mrs. Why, love?"
Miss l. (giggling) -"B ecanse every
one knows that the Bostonians make the
best hubs in the world" ."-London
Punch
The Sunday school Teacher-"What is |
meant by the seeds of dissension ?''
Mary Jane Griggs-''Please. ma'am,
they puts 'em in fruit jar and seals 'em
up an you guesses on 'em, ma 'am, an If
you guesses right you gets bedroom set
OF a tandem bisickle ~ Cleoeland Plain
Dealer
One good thing about military en-
campment is that it teaches young men
temporarily to forget how to loaf
Chicago Dispatch.
Nv
Her Suggestion. 81 abez," she said,
quietly. 81 heard ye tellin' the other day
how ter git this country ont'n financial
difficulties.' -
"Yes An whut | told WINS right"
81 reckon that's mighty vallyble infor-
nation"
"'Course 'tis"
swell, l wish ye could git a chance ter
swap it off with some fsller fur receipt
fur gittin' the mortgage off n the farm"
- Washington Star.
KS
Mistress (angrily) Bridget, find
that you wore one of my low -necked
evening dresses to the bus drivers ball
last evening. It's the worst piece of inn
pudenoe l ever heard of. You ought to
be ashamed of yOurselfl'
Bridget (meekly)-"Oi wuz, mum-Oi
wuz. And me young mo n said if OF liver
wore sioh an ondacent dress in public
ag'in he'd break our Engagement. TIT
Bits.
***
Barber-"Pardon me, sir, but You have
paid me only half"
Customer-"See that slash on my chin?
Well, I'm paying you ont rates. IN. Y.
Press
Maud-'Here's magazine article
about The Joy of Love- Is love better
than ioe cream soda ?"
Mamie-''N-no; but you can have a
great deal more ice cream soda with the
love than you can without it. - Chicago
Tribune.
II wonder what that man is 80 angry
at himself about ?' said the mosquito.
"During the half hour that have been
| flying around his head he has done moth
ing but hit himself in the jaw every hall
minute or SO. "-Indianapolis Journal
~**
"How." they asked, "shall We break
the news to her ?"
| After due consideration one ventureC
to suggest:
"Send Jones. With that stammer O
his he ought to be able to break 1t fine
than any one else of ns."- Cincinnati
Enquirer.
| ~**
"What do you think that deaf ant
dumb man wanted ?"
"Give it up"
"He thought l ought to sell him
wheel at half rates because he can
swear when he falls off."-C Chicag
Record.
NV
Buyer CONFIDENT ally)-"Say, boy, arr
you sure this horse won't scare at loco
motive ?"
Stable Boy" Scare? Not much Why
sir, three different men have been kille,
because that there horse baked in tn
middle OF the track jest to enjoy seein
the bullgine comin'."-N. z World
*~x
For the next 70 " weeks the fellow VIII,
"likes paper without any politics in it
had better patronize some good brand o
fly paper, Chicago Dispatch
Nv
Upson Downs-"Lend mo $40 till 20,
see me again, will you ?"
Pupson Powns-"Well, whom shall
see you again P''
Upson Downs-"Oh, I'll attend to tha
part of TN Y. Herald
| x*x
Facetious Judge-"Which would yor
rather be, horse or an ass ?''
Young Lawyer-'An ass, your honor
Jndge-''Why not horse ?"
Lawyer-"They never become judges. ~
- Washington Times.
~
Mrs. Grumble (to her offs pring)-
There you go, tracking the floor all
over with mud. Didn't tell you to wipe
| your feet before Won came i'm ."