Delaware gazette and state journal., 1896-06-25
MISERY IN A DRESS sUir.
The Troubles of "a Gawky Young Man with
Hired Garments.

The Troubles of "A GAwky Young man win
Hired Garments.
He was gawky, sandy and long necked
he was bow legged and timber. jointed;
in short, he was man whom nature
mover intended for dress parade, and ho
knew il, remarks the Indianapolis
journal. Only one person besides his
wife ever SAID he was handsome, and
that was spinster who had had poems
accepted by magazines and her opin-
ion was hardly worth the atmosphere
used in expressing it. And yet, when
our friends lodge was to have a re-
ception, banquet and ball, his wife
urged him to wear dress suit. In a
moment of groundless vanity he as
sontod and rented full levening dress
outfit. Thon his troubleb began.
When he tried on the suit at the
clothing store the coat apels flarod
and wrinkled tho shoulders. Accord
ingly, tho accommodating salesman
pinned the lower corners of the coat
front TO the bottom of the vest. The
opening in front. tho whole garment
containing Just enough goods to make
watch guard. When he got the whole
happy man, but the feeling would wear
off, he told himself 1t never did.
When he bore the precious bundle
homeward he was prouder than many
men who owned dress suits instead of
renting them.
The wife went to hairiresser, leav
ing the husband to the glories of his
dress suit. After a violent and manful
struggle no succeeded in getting into
the trouses. He bad no patent leath-
ers, and his calfskin shoes, with coat
of liquid dressing, that refused TO
shine over ordinary blacking, looked as
if they had boen dipped in ink. This
domestic finish' added nothing in
the way of comfort. Then came the
shirt.
just as he had got that freshly laun.
dered garment well adjusted, u cold
perspiration broke out all over the vic
TINS person as he noted the narrow
ness of the bosom. A horrid possibility
he dared not oven mentally express
dawned upon him. But it was tho
only clean shirt he owned. Collar and
three-for a-uuGrter white how were
| the next essentials, and then that
dreadful horee- collar vest. 1t was az
he had expected! The shirt bosom
was too narrow for the vest opening.
He at last decided tc pull the vest
down, narrowing the event, and pin
| the bottom TO the trousers. III was
nearly tilne TO go, and the heroic meas
ures was necessary. But this made thu
waistband of the trousers peer up oven
the top button of that religion destroy
ing vest He shed tears and woulC
fain have done likewise with tho vest.
| Ho put handkerchief there to hide
the waistband. That was better. The
coat once on, and duly pinned at the
corners, he called at the hairdresser'i
for his wife. He was brave, beneatf
the shelter of his ulster.
When they arrived at the hall ant
separated for the cloak rooms all thu
pins came out Of his patchedup rig
ging. He fastened in carnation Il
hide part of his unlaundcred muslin
He also made the cheering discovery
that in festooning his handkerchie
over the ambitious waistband he mad
grand exhibition Of tho only dirt.
spot on that cotton square. Moro iei
water perspiration; and ho sank int
the nearest chair. As he did so, hi
vest front spread, showing three inche
of shirt and suspender buckle ol
each side of that precious shirt bosom
He pulled his coat lapels together AM
wanted TO go home. But there sat hi
wife, with pretty blue chiffon at necl
and sleeves of her one Sunday dress
her hair nicely arranged, huge buncl
Of carnations on her breast and
peaceful smile on her face She locke
up, caught sight of the funny look Q
suffering ON mis- face and laughed
Then he was mad He felt that th
wife and dress suit wore Conapiring
drive him to drink.
This dear reader, takes the ma
only to o'clock in the evening.
was Il. 30 before his wifo wanted to Z
home. The intervening period is on
OF agony too deep 10 be depicted wit
pen and ink. Tho next fulld dress afTa
he attended he wore pair of ligl
trousers, sack coat, black tic, tan shoei
sat with his knees crossed and envie
no man.
He had been man out Of his eli
mont. Undcr such circumstances q
. mon are miserable.