Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-09-07
FACTS AND FANCIES.

"Ah! Closeted with her dressmaker, l
suppose, wa, L., .;o
She's having her new spectacles fitted. =
Exchange.
"What will you have, Tommy-a bun.
macaroon, a jam puff, sausage roll
or a strawberry tart!'
''Whatever's the biggest, ma."-Judy.
Fogg is a close student of human ma
ture He says when he wants to ind out
what is taking place in his house, he
pays short visit to his neighbor on the
other side of the street.-Boston Trans
cript.
Little Bobby "Ananias was killed
wasn't he, pop?'' :.
Little Bobby's Father--"Yes, Bobby.
Little Bobby-"For lying. wasn't it,.
Little Bobby's Father-"Yes, Bobby"
Little Bobby (after long pause)-
''How big did he say the biggest one was
he caught ?'-Browning & Kings Month
ly.
''You did not stay long at the hotel
which adYertises fine trout stream in
the vicinity?"
mo; the hotel man explained that it
was fine trout stream, but he couldn't
help it if the trout hadn't sense enough
to find it ut."-Chicago Record.
A SUBSTITUTE.
'sMake hay while the sun Shines
Is advice oft needed.
'sMake love while the moon Shines,
Is oftener needed.
Washington Star.
IT don't want the wheel. It's too
heavy" "Say, I'll throw in a lamp.
That'n make it lighter. S-Cleveland
Plaindealer.
''You don't mean to say that that
stingy old maid has given you ten marks
for telling her fortune?
4 4NII oh n
meet with an accident before she was
twenty-four years old.' - Fliegende
Blaetter.
MORE ORGANIZED LABOR.
''Where are you going, my pretty maid?"
"Going a milking, sir" she said.
You're not in the union, sir She said.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"De man dat shows de mos wear
an tear said Uncle Eben, "ain' allus
de one dat wuhks de hahdes'. De wus'
writer in school gin'rally manages ter
cit de mos ink on is fingers. Wash
ington Star.
Mrs. Jimsmith- George, what does
carte blanche mean?'
Jimsmith-''It refers to the way 81
man feels when he has got $25 in his
pocket and his wife has gone away for
a week Buffalo Express.
from the big dinner at the club the other
night he was unusually lively.
''What has got into you, Bob:' asked
Mr.. Hickenlooper senior.
''That," said Bobbie, handing him the
menu. ''That, daddy, is my table of
contents. -Harper's Bazaar.
The court of Pope Leo XIII. com
prises 1000 persons. There are 20 val
cts, 120 house prelates, ITO privy cham
berlains chamberlains, 300 extra-hon-
orary chamberlains, $50 supernumerary
chamberlains. 80 officers of the noble
guard, and 60 guardsmen, II officers of
the Swiss guard and police guard, z
honorary chaplains, 20 private secre-
taries, 10 stewards and masters of the
horse and 60 doorkeepers.
A little 4-year-old occupied an upper
berth in the sleeping car. Awakening
once in the middle of the night, his
mother asked him if he knew where he
was. ''Tourse / do" he replied, ''I'm
in the top drawer" Youths Companion.
WHERE?
Ills said that little Cupid
Sets fires of Loves glow;
But how does little Cupid
Scratch match, I'd like to know?
New York Life.
Louisville undertakers have decided
that hereafter they will call themselves
''morticians." A rose by any other
name would smell as sweet, but no
sweeter, mind you.-Bufalo CONNER
cial.
RESENTED.
SIS that cross dog, tell me, pray
The timid young man said.
Indignantly she answered, may,
1t is a thoroughbred.
indianapolis Journal.
''And would you die for me-" the fair
young thing asked.
''Well," the cruel man replied, as he
fondled the golden braid that was hang
ing down her back, II suppose it would
be only doing the fair thing, since you
seem to have bleached for me-"
Whereupon a solemn stiffness EMBODIED
them.-Cleveland Leader.
The new 'Sroad skate" a miniature
bicycle with rubber tires, is now on
view in Oxford street, London. The
diameter of each wheel is about three
inches, and in place of the bar upon
which the saddle is affixed is a rest for
the foot. The machine can be easily
adjusted to the leg, and ''the skater
is free to roam a nuisance to everyone
with whom he comes in contact" the
Chronicle unsympathetically remarks.