Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-09-25
THE CONTRACTING HOTEL ROOM.
How Its Use May Increase the Income Of
the SeashOre BOniface.

Ii SO, Try Une contracting nOtel room SyS-
tenn of the Neptune Novelty company,
after first taking the precautioD to rent an
extra large bank vault or to erect crema-
tory for cash. The contracting hotel room
is the eighth wonder of the world and fills
a long felt want. Why do SO many land
lords down by the murmuring sea have
such difficulty in keeping their hostelries
filed with guestsS Echo answers, BE
cause they are not up to date; because they
are not reaping the benefits of the con-
tracing room system" They have scores
of the old style rooms about as large as q
fair sized pigeonhole or an adult coffin;
rooms SO narrow that guest cannot take
full breath without cracking the wall
paper; rooms so low ceilinged that guest
can lie in bed ana give fair imitation Of
the human fly; rooms so short that a bat
tering ram Is the only thing that will open
the door when the folding bed is down.
What is the RESULT A would be guest
comes along with all sorts of money in his
clothes and an intense yearning for tenn
porary home by the sounding sea in his
heart.
"I've got just 81 a day for hotel room,"
he murmurs to the clerk. "What sort Of
run do get for my money!"
The clerk says "Frontv with his usual
naughty, impersonal air and instructs one
of the front boys to show the stranger the
81 rooms.
Dazzled by the arc light effulgence of the
clerks 900 candle power diamond, the
would be guest Is led away to be cofined
or pigeonholed at 81 per diem. After walk
ing half mile through halls as compli-
Gated and labyrinthine as hypothetical
question to a poison expert at a murder
trial, the even more naughty and more i'm
personal front boy points to what seems to
be rather large crack in the hall wall and
says, "This STYLE So
"Huh! All l get is crawl a squeeze
and double up for my money, eh9" the
would be guest inquiries, more in sorrow
than in anger.
"What do you want fer $2-the Looey
Fourteen bridal chamber and the golden
banket hall?" the front boy murmurs with
Napoleonic scorn.
$50 get this entire letter box and have
you bring me ice water on draft, all for
81, do I?" the would be guest continues
"That's all right, but how do get into
the thing9 Does pair of shoe spoons or a
big tin funnel go with every 50 layout"
The front boy, of course, again exercises
his Napoleonic scorn, and the stranger
wanders off with his % in his inside pocket
He doesn't stop single day. He doesn't
even buy sea serpent cocktail. The
pigeonhole room has scared him and his 80
bill away, never more to return.
"But what's paltry $2?" we hear some
one murmur. 1t isn't very much, to be
sure. 1t wouldn't buy very many state
delegates this year, for prices are unusual
ly high; but as some great poet has truth
fully observed:
Little silver dollars,
Little bills Of green,
Often keep landlord
From the soup tureen.
What's the matter with packing that o.
away in the safe every night? You can do
1t as easily as you can draw up the plans
and specifications Of a big monthly hotel
bill if you try the Neptune Novelty COM
panys contracting room system.
By the expenditure of few dollars ev-
cry seashore hotel can be supplied with our
patent electrical, telescope rooms. Hun
dreds Of them are already in use and arc
giving the very best of satisfaction. II
you wish to test the innovation and wear
ever larger diamonds than you do now,
drop us line, and our agent will call and
fully explain the greatest hotel scheme OF
the century.
just imagine for moment, if you can,
that your hotel has been equipped with our
patent contracting rooms. You have al.
ready looked upon one % picture, as Ham.
let said to his erring mother, and now
oblige us by casting your optics upon an
other Of the same price.
The would be guest comes along with
the 50 that rightfully belongs to you in his
clothes. He wants the same priced room
with the same lofty purpose to procure
more Of run for his money than two cart
wheels will ordinarily buy. Your space is
valuable. Your expenses are high. Your
walters perhaps are getting the lions share
Of your guests money. You cannot afford
to give the would be guest larger room
than you could before, but the contracting
hotel room solves the difficulty with neat
ness and dispatch.
He asks to see your % rooms. Your
front boy again engineers personally
conducted tour Of the labyrinthine halls
and shows the would be guest large,
comfortable, well lighted room as big as
Harlem fiat. The stranger is surprised,
gratifled, delighted. The room is SO long
he thinks he is getting cross country run
for his money. He Is even certain that the
front boy has made mistake and is
showing him the bridal chamber or part
Of the royal suit Impressed with this
hn ri kho ~ oj,, =
renders his satchel and is yours for 49, In
q short time he gets out his yachting cap
and goes down on the beach.
During his absence the contracting no.
tel room gets In its insidious boa construct
or work. 1t fairly humps itself and shuts
up three feet before the unsuspecting
yachting cap gets back.
When he IL sleeping that night, the walls
gently and noiselessly continue to move
themselves, as well as all the furniture,
nearer and nearer to the bed. In day or
two the guest has been telescoped to ~
footing, but it has all been done so silently
and SO gradually that he does not notice
the shrinkage. Meantime the space that
was his the first day is being paid for by
another contracting hotel room tenant at
50 per diem.
Contracting hotel rooms mean expand
ing p0cketbookR
If you want to be as big hotel man as
Willy Waldorf Faster and travel with
Albert Edward, II. R. H., just give our
contracting hotel room season g trial trip.
The NEPTUNE NOVELTY Co.
New York Sunday World.
Knew Too Much.
Uncle - What are you crying for,
Georgiep
Georgia Teacher caned me because
was the only one-boohool-able to answer
question today.