Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1896-01-15
attausidt Gatherings.

s% Self-conceit isn't entirely to be
despised. Every man wants somebody
to think well of him.
s@ Things are about even. If yor
are boy, it is the wood box; and i
you are a girl, it is the dishes.
s9 South Carolina at the end of1895
stands at the head of the Southern
States in the matter of cotton manu-
featuring.
s9- "I'd rather be wild turkey, ant
live on the PRAIRIE" said a little boy
ethan be tame turkey, and be killed
every year."
a@ Here is bit of practical street
wisdom. If a man cheats me once
shame on him if he cheats me twice
shame on me.
B9e If the unpleasantness with Eng
land is settled by arbitration, it will be
only another proof that it takes two Of
size to arbitrate.
s6y What with 5000 American horses
| for London "bus" companies, and lo1
of American locomotives for Russia
the Old World ought to get move on
aa~ A man named Necessity is prac
ticing law in Arizona. Contrary te
the old proverb, it is said that he
knows great deal about law.
sd ~ say conductah, how comes il
that we've reached ouah destination
half a minute late ?" "Front end Of
trains on time. Rear ends allus late. ,
nag Medical authorities insist that
stimulants weaken the voice, ano
doubtless they do. 1t must be admit
ted, however, that they strengthen the
breath.
a8The turban hat is coming into
fashion again among stylish ladies
1t is admirably adapted to finely
modelled head, but serves only to rem
der ugliness more conspicuous.
Bag A little boy was taught a verse
to repeat in Sunday school. "The
Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. y
He repeated it: "The Lord is my
shepherd A; I don't want anything"
s@ Laziness grows on people it be-
gins with cobwebs and ends with iron
chains. The more business man has
to do the more he is able to accomplish
for he learns to economize his time.- :
Smith.
a4r At what absurd trifles some
women get angry, A female book
agent. who had cornered poor fel'
| low, the other day, looked daggers
when somebody sang out, "Man over
bored !"
s@ Jack-Charley, why don't you
propose TO the widow Green's daugh'
ter? She's rich and is regarded as the
pearl of her sex. Charley-I know it
my boy, but I dislike the mother o.
the pearl.
sG "Do you think, professor" said 6
musically ambitious youth. "that car
ever do anything with my voice"
"Well," was the cautious reply, "il
may come in handy to holler with in
case of fire."
s@ "And pray, why don't you put
new buttons on my shirts?" asked g
Bohemian, of his washerwoman
"Shure, sir, because it's meself was
thinkin' ye'd be after needin' new
shirts on the buttons"
ad- "Don't you know how to spell p
the exasperated teacher asked of the
extremely phonetic boy. "Oh, yes,
said the boy, ~ know how to spell
we'll enough, but the men that made
the dictionaries don't seem to-"
s@- They 90 together: "Sarah is
certainly little duck ofa darling; but
what she sees in that fool of a doctor
can't understand" "You don't seem
to recollect that where there is duck
there will also to, be found quack.
s9 People say they shell peas wher
they unshell them, husk corn when
they unhusk it, dust furniture when
they undust it, skin a calf when they
unskin it, scale fishes when they un
scale them, weed their gardens wher
they unweed them.
B1 Teacher-What do you under
stand by the word normal. Pupil
Being drunk. "How do you find thai
meaning?" II was awake last nigh
when ma let pa in, and heard her tel
him he'd come home in his norma
condition"
B9 "Darling," he said, your eyes are
as bright as diamonds, your teeth, a:
white as pearls, your lips, as red as
rubies, and-and-" eyes, George
she replied, sweetly, "and you're a:
green as an emerald" Then George
went out into the jet black night.
s@ Admiral Jouett says the new
built monitor, Puritan, "is the creates
fighting vessel ever built. She car
whip any war craft afloat in the world
today" He seems to think that will
80 of this kind we could do pretty much
anything with anybody.
B9 Bobby (who has been sitting
patiently half hour)-Mr. Boomer,
wish you would pop the question tt
Bella. Bella-Robert, you naughty
boy, what possessed you to make suct
preposterous remark? Bobby (sulki
|ly)-Well, anyway, ma said if he die
you'd jump at the chance, and L wan
to see YOU lump.