davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

Chicago Record: They say ptant
sounds best when 1t stands near n waH.i'
lot
indianapolis Journal: And you really
tell me that you have no paupers here?'
said the astonished traveller.
mot durn one" said the native. How
could we when the county is too poor TO
support em?"
Detroit Free Press He-How fearfully
and wonderfully we are made! Think even
of my arms, what a mystery they are?
She-Yes, but it's nice to be enveoped
in mystery.
indianapolis journal: "I see the Span
iards made an unsuccessful attempt tc
catch n banana steamer said the boardei
who likes to talk
1T would have thought they might have
slipped up on it."
Somervlle Journal: She-For my part /
would never forgive n young man who
would kiss n girl against her will.
He-Nor l; but do you suppose young
man really ever did?
Detroit Free Press: EVERYWHERE I called
today" said Mrs. Mntchey to her daughter,
81 heard that Miss Winsome was engaged"
That's nice | started the report my
self. She has been monopozing the atten-
ton of our young men long enough
Chicago Post: They were discussing the
Boston debutante.
"She is having the finishing touches put
on her toilet today" explained her mother.
"Ahl .Closeted with her dressmaker,
suppose"
having her new spectacles fitted"
Cincinnati Enquirer: I'VE might hire
new clerk" said the druggist ''if he were
a good one. Are you graduate in phar-
maCy?"
mo" said the man who wanted a job,
81 amt Il graduate in pharmacy, and /
don't intend TO be. l amt looking for
cheap job But | can draw soda water with
both hands at once and know how to make
14i different srups."
Washington Star: They say that It's
mighty hard for "A candidate to keep from
repeating himself in his speeches H.,
ct isn't true, however. ManyS the tlfne
I've heard candidate declare that he
would not accept a nomination; ana after
1t was put where he could really get hold
of 1t, he never thought OF saying the same
thing over
SUMMER RESORT ARITHMETIC,
Washington Star,
Mabel has a fair complexion
Fairer than the rest, by FAR
Vainly does she seek protection
From the sun that loves to mar.
But though others be disdainful
When these bemishes appear,
Though she finds their presence painful.
There Is one who holds them dear.
Ouoth her father. every freckle
/ shall cherish while they chan.
have figured that each speckle
Cost twelve dollars and half.
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

In another column we reproduce an
editorial from the Omaha World Herald
the local Bryan silver organ-whch
was published in that Journal July 81,
1893. Read II carefully.
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18
where Improvement is visible.

If he wishes, Mr. Bryan can point out that
already his campaign has progressed so far
as to create an immense increase in the de-
lnand for Mexican dollars.
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

The silver mine owners, under present
values, represent S547, 100000 With free
coinage this would be Increased for them to
$1,094, 100000. Why shouldn't they boom
Bryan for all they worth, and be for
him to man?
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

Parties going out of the city for the
summer may have The Bee sent TO their
address by leaving an ortier at the bus
mess office OF The Bee Telephone 23S.
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

Detroit Free Press: He-EIow fearful,
and wonderfully we are made! Think ever
of my arms, what a mystery they are?
in mystery.
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

indianapolis journal: "I see the Span
iardS made an unsuccessful attempt tc
catch a banana steamer" said the boardei
who likes to talk.
That's funny" suid the Cheerful Idiot.
"T would have thought they might have
slipped up on it."
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18
FLASHES OF FUN.

Chicago Record: 'rrhey say a piano
sounds best when it stands near II WALL
II think it sounds best out in n ten-acr,
lot
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

indianapolis Journal: "And you reall.
tell me that you have no paupers here?'
said the astonished traveller.
Not n durn one said the native. "Hov
could we when the county is too poor Il
support 'em?"
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

Somerville Journal: She-For my part l
would never forGive a young man who
would kiss n girl against her will.
He-Nor /; but do you suppose young
man really ever did?
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18
STATEMENT or CIRCULATION.

George u. Tzschuck. secretary OF The Bee Pub
Hshing company, being duiy sworn. says that tue
nctual number Of full and complete copies N the
Daily. Morning. Evening aud sunday bee pitnted
81, fy1Itf
Omaha daily bee., 1896-08-18

Detroit Free Press: "Everywhere I called
today" said Mrs Mntchey to her daughter
81 heard that Miss Winsome was engaged
That's nice. / started the report my
self She has been monopozng the atten
ton of our young men long enough"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22

because I was taught to do so. 1 shall De
i'm the park Thanksgiving wearing new
hat"
MKINLEY AS A DRIVER.
President-eiect Mckinley has been in
vited to Gotham for Thanksgiving din
ner and drive Mckinley drives as ne does
all other things, slowly. once he took the
reins of a pair of white Russian horses
belonging to one Of the richest men IN
New York. and n man who had one oil the
finest stables. Mckinley held the horses
SO tight that the horses fairly champed
the bir through and through. and the
sweat poured of them. rs anything me
netter2" asked Mckinley.
.T am afraid they are going to run
away said The owner, taking the reins'
1,st3ntlv the horses started at their nat
,,,.,l race. IL spanking one, and Mckinley,
l,,-rf5ed. reached around for his wife.
.sbe.s safe" said the owner, bringing
them to a standstill.
Tine Firth avenue entrance 10 the park
rreserts a queer sight on THANKSGIVING
art.rnoon old cobs. drawing rickety
l,,.s. Jimmy horses pulling hansoms. and
....,.r.,-arIs with one family beast mingle
frool, with the horses that are from the
ro,-,i strain and cost their weight In gold
5,,s+ II is the New Workers. great day
,,, o,1 me-. I'm his characteristic way
makes the most of it.
JAMES BARTON.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22
CRUEL JESTS about OLD AGE.
Bah Says Americans Are Sadly Lack
ing in Respect.

MOTHERS-IN-LAW AS MOTHERS
IN-LOVE-OLD MAIDS AND
THEIR CHARITY-INCREASING
KNOWLEDGE WITH ADVANCING
YEARS-LIFE AS A GAME OF
GIVE AND TAI1E-JESTING OF
MARRIAGE-ONE'S POOR RELA-
TONS WOMEN WHO EARN
MONEY-THE INTRINSIC VALUE
or WEDDING GIFTS - HOW
"HARRY'S" LIFE INSURANCE
WAS sPENT-THE NINETEENTH
CENTURY MAN.
CFrom our Regular Correspondent
New York. November 10, 1896.
Did it ever strike you that, as a ma
ton, we demand q rather mean sort of
fun?
The joke in the newspapers, or at
the theatre, that causes the widest
laughter is that directed at somebody's
motheT-in-law, at an old maid, or at
somebody who is not young in years.
The American generalizing, is wonder
fully lacking in respect. He fOrgets
that there is no old maid chow abom-
Unable that phrase isl who could not
have married had she wished. He for
gets that when sorrow, sickness or
death comes to the household it is the
kindly Old maid to whom he turns not
only for sympathy, but for active help.
He forgeJs that, when the mother OF
his children died, it was the old maid
aunt, or the old maid sister who took
care of them. who taught them to love
him, and who trained them to be a
credit to his name. He forgets all
about this. and thinks it is no more
than she ought to do, because she has
no family Of her own. But who does
everything he ought to do? l have an
idea that when that man, and his num-
Der is many, is wandering around the
gate of heaven. praying for admission,
ne Will be surprised at the number OF
old maids securely seated therein. And
he will be more surprised when, OF
their mselfshness, they send up a
supplication for him.
GOOD MOTHERS-IN-LAW.
The stupid-looking man who tells,
with great glee. a joke about a moth
er-in-law never stops to think how Of
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22

which you can think it fine to make a
jest of-and that is marriage. You
talk about it in light way; you laugh
at its responsibilities, and you see no
reason why it should be counted. as
sacrament. And yet the bringing to-
gether Of two people to VOW to love
and be true through sickness and
health, through riches and poverty, I'M
Til death do them part, it is a wonder
full act; one that makes or mars two
lives, and how do you prepare for it?
How do you choose the woman who is
to be the close companion of your life?
YOUR DEAREST FRIEND,
and your helpmate? Do you make an
effort to see her in her own home, sur
rounded by those of her own name, and
far away from the maddening crowd
called society? Do you make an EFFORT
to read her heart ,as if it were book,
where you could discover the strength
of her love, the certainty of her truth,
and Of the beauty of her faith? DO
YOU try to watch her behavior with the
little children about her, in order TO
foresee the sort of mother she will be to
the children? No, you don't look for
wife in that way You meet her at
dance, at the opera, or at dinner par
ty. Your heart is captured by her
ability to chatter. TO dance, to dress
well. and to have train OF foolish
adorers following her.
The daughter of silly mother, she
is, too often, educated only for a So
cial life. and she knows nothing what
ever about making a home in which
man can live and less about creating
love in which man will find happi-
ness. Sometimes, after her marriage,
will awaken, and the ignorant, but low
a good strain, that has laid dormant,
ing wife. will endeavor to make her
self what she should be. But this
doesn't happen often. Oftenest, she
regards you
AS A DESIRABLE CATCH,
as a good money-maker, and one who
isn't much bother. Fancy a noble
hearted woman regarding her husband
with pleasure. because he wasn't much
bother AS if to be bothered, and to
be bothered very much, to give pleas
ure to a man she loves, is not JOY
for the right sort of woman. How
can YOU help it all? Well, the world
can't be made better in day, but it
can be improved every minute. You
can add to its goodness by refusing to
find fun in low, vulgar jokes against
women, against old age, and against
marriage.
Somebody said not very long ago, that
while our American men were generous.
they claimed the right to be generous in
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22

their own way, and refused unlike the
men of other nations, to recognize duties
that we're involved by the ties of kindred
The poor relations in Fang and or France
is cared for by the rich member of the
family and cared for in a courteous way.
Nine times out of ten she has a regular ir-
come allowed her. and this is 'leli~e'ed,
not as if it were a nuisance, but IN Inc
most polite way. and usually accompanied
by a note of kindly inquiry. Then, she
who is favored looks up to the head Of her
house with respect and feels honorc1 at
bearing the same name. 1 know a greet
many
WOMEN WHO EARN MONEY
and earn IT with brains and hands. They
work hard for it. and do not know n sim
gle one who has not some poor relation to
support. When you say. as / did. 20 one
busy woman: why don't your brothers
help you?" She win look al you and an
sy-er YOU. as hundreds Of them have on
swered me: who can rely on men 10
steadily take care of poor relations TFey
will splurge out with a present. they VIII
send some ridiculous and unsuitable gift
but the man who regularly hahls q SUM oi
money out 10 a woman whose only claim
ON him is that she is Of his blood ard is
moor and old. IS more than a man: he IS so
exceptional that he's an angel
OF course. there are foolish women but
the folly of woman when 81 comes 10
spending money usually has a kindly feel
ING as it's incentive Speaking of folly not
LON, ago. an elderly lady Of my acluaint-
ance was left a thousand dollars by rich
friend. A thousand dollars is not great
deal Of money. but 1t was given because,
while the lady to whom it was lett lad a
small income there was always the posi-
bility of a sudden need Of money-illness
or death-and the giver thought that this
thousand dollars would be a nest egg held
for the day of trouble. I dropped in to con-
pratulate my friends. They have a sweet
old home. filed with furniture that is old
fashioned, and they are gentlefolks. Be-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22

derbilt used to trot her. But Maud S.
is not as young as she once was. Maud
is one Of age and considerably over.
she could vote If horse age and intel
lect were allowed to Register.
Robert Bonner's Thanksgiving trot is
around the prepared course at Hampstead.
For years he has spent the day there
with his famous "hobby-horse." It would
not be Thanksgiving were he not to see
her. His son, Fred drove Maud once inst
TO say he had handled the ribbons over
her back, but Robert Bonner's hands are
the only ones that can touch her. a peti-
ton was drawn up by horse-owners for
Mr.. Bonner imploring him to join the ca
valcade this year in Central Park. and
allow the public last glimpse of Maud 5.
7. c. Plat, looking all whiskers and
eyes, drives in the park behind a borrow
ed rig He gets so many invitations from
the Democrats and Republicans that he
has trouble to pick, but he picks a Repub-
lican. Beside him sits Mrs. Platt look
ing like his guardian angel with her
smooth, fair face. Plat looks like
mummy. In the cool air his checks whiten
and his eyes get dun. But speak to him
and he warns up like the top of a gas
stove when the spark is touched under-
meath. He loves TO drive. and if you see a
figure mufied to the nose with a big. soft
hat drawn down to the muller it is Pratt.
THE VANDERBILT DRIVE.
Every Thanksgiving finds Cornelius
Vanderbilt driving in Central Park. as g;
finds him at church in the morning. Hut
he does not look the Vanderbilt now OF
formerly lie is creased and sunke1. His
eyes are not the sparkIers they were. and
the white look gives him more of an &C.
clesastical air than ever. He drives with
his children on his lap. The lutte girl on
his knees and the younger boys very close.
He talks to them. point out things. and
opposite sits his wife. with the remainder
of the family. The Thanksgiving horses
are rs black as jet with silver harness.
They drive in a victoria and the livery is
green.
HENRY CLEWS NEVER MISSES.
Henry clews would rather miss his tur-
key than his Thanksgiving drive in Gen.
trail Park. Il may miss dinner some
time" he says. but I don't expect to miss
my Thanksgiving drive in Central Park.
IF / can't own horses I will hire them, and
if can't hire them I'll hint until some one
invites me to drive"
Horses" added he. "are cheap now.
Ny favorite Thanksgiving team. Henry
and Elsie, cost me a fortune. Now they
would not bring a song. The bicycle has
ruined the trade in horses. Every man can
have a horse these days. I drive horse
the same as so TO the Episcopal Church,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22

ten mOthers-iD-law are really mOthers-
in-love. How many men have been
helped along i'm their business by their
wife's mothers? How many men would
find their dinners much less attractive
if it were not for the mothers Of their
wives? And how many men, when
anything worries them, turn as natur-
alIv to their mOthers-in-law as flowers
do to the sun? You couldn't count the
number OF men VINO have accepted
kindnesses from their mcthers-in-l law,
and yet. these very men, instead or
curling their lips with scon at vulgar
Jokes about them seem to find such
Jokes most interesting, and most wit
~. And then. too. how these young
men laugh at the jokes about old age?
But are they going to be young forever?
And do they ever stop 20 think how
much more knowledge there is in an
old head than in a young one: Youth
seems to think that it will always be
beautiful and interesting, that it will
never need consideration or sympathy;
and il goes along jeeTing at that which
If despises. until some day, the truth
fuI mirror calls its attention TO the
wrinkles and gray hair, and some day
If finds that it is neglected for younger
men. Then comes
THE LONELINESS OF OLD AGE.
A loneliness. my friend, that is too
often deserved. IT, while you are
Young and strong and bright, YOU trou-
bile yourself about nobody, who is less
attractive than YOU are, how can you
exnect TO find sympathetic friends when
the DAYS of your youth have passed
awavq Your old age will be miserable,
and your death will be lonely. Think
ont where the mistake w2s and while
there is time give some thought TO
Hose who have not as much OF the
real iov Of life as you. and share, in q
svmnafhe,ic way, of the good things
with those whose pleasures are few.
Life is a game of give and take.
Things even themselves up in this
world nr Then, there is something else
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22
THOUGHT THE LETTER FUNNY.
That Is, Everybody Did Expect One
Poor Girl

That Is, Everybody Did Expect One
Poor Girl.
well, I've had luck Tor once" said
the girl in the green gown, but I've
escaped so narrowly that it makes the
cold chills chase up and down my
spinal column even to think Of it"
MY gracious, what has happened"
demanded the girl in the purple hat.
Nothing, but it was awful" groaned
the girl in the green gown. You must
have noticed, haven't you. that Maui
rice and have spent a good deal OF
time in each others society since-well,
since papa forbade Dick the house?"
q have seen you together once or
twice"
Yes. Now, | haven't q particle OF
vanity in my composition. but of late
l have-that is. couldn't help noticing
that lie was becoming a little senti-
mental"
But I've just heard
Il know Wait a minute. I began
TO feel sort of anxious lest ! give him
too much encouragement and so make
his disappointment the more bitterI
Still. didn't want TO be too premature,
YOU know, since he knows all my favor
ite fiavors in bon hons and remembers
! them, too. Last evening ! met him in
the street it was just in front of Heien's
house and
81 suppose he vas"
YES. And he asked me if he might
call on me late this afternoon and tell
me something which he had ON his
mind. and which he hoped would make
him the happiest man on earth. That
was pretty definite. wasn't iI?"
why, er-yes, but you never know
what a man means
Il know that. OF course 7 told him
to come, but after I got home felt 50
badly over il that ] decided to snare
him the pain of q refusal. | spent all
the evening and part Of the night in
writing him a note saying that ! knew
what he wished 90 say and thought best
to prevent it, that would always be
his friend and would never forgive my
self If he felt thar had led him ont"
"Well?' said the girl in The purple
hat
This morning J had TO cali on Nell,
Kate and Helen N regard 10 my tea
and took Maurice's note along, mean
ing to call a MESSENGER and send ii TO
him. But oh, Louise. when 7 got
home I found that I lad left 10 Gt ono
Of their homes ard it was too late 10
20 back. get it and send 10 10 him before
the hour at which he was to call SO |
had just TO make uD my mind TO face
the music. And. after all my worry,
what do YOU think Bro told mo2'
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22
HOTTEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.

The hottest region on the earth S
surface is on the southwestern coast of
Persia. on the border of the Persian
gulf. For forty consecutive days III
July and August the mercury has been
known to stand above 100 degrees IN
the shade. night and day, and to run
IN as high as 1870 degrees in the middle
Of the afternoon. At Bahrein, in the
center of the most torrid belt, as though
If were natures intention to make the
Mace as unbearable as possible, water
from wells is something unknown.
Great shafts have been sunk to depth
Of 100. 200. 800 and even 500 feet, but
ALWAYS with the same result-no water
This serious drawback notwithstand-
ING a cOmparatiyely numerous pOpu-
lation contrives to live there, thanks
TO cCpious springs which burst forth
from the bottom of the gulf more than
mile from the shore. Machadores
(divers) whose sole occupation is That
Of furnishing the people of Bahreln
with the life giving fluid, repair TO that
norton of the gulf where the springs
are situated and bring away with them
hundreds of bags full OF the water each
dav. The part of the gulf where the
springs burst forth is nearly two hun
bred feet deep. but these machadores
manage to fill their goatskin sacks by
diving 10 the bottom and holding the
mouths OF the bags over fountain jets
this. TOO. without allowing the salt wa
fer of the gulf to mix with it. The
source OF these submarine fountains IS
thought 10 be in the hills of Osmond,
400 or 500 miles away. Being situated
at the bottom Of the gulf it is mystery
how they were ever discovered, but it
said that they have been known since
the dawn of histofy.-Cnristian
NKrn-.I-nr
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22
PUSHING HIM ALONG.

Glow much will you give toward the
missionary cause this year, inquired
the pastor.
Ten dollars" replied the parish
Toner.
I am indeed rejoiced at your liberal
ity. especially as Brother Cadd OF our
church sails next week as missionary
10 China" -,
what the man who wears a SILK
hat with a sack coat. has a soiled collar
and a diamond pin, and asks if it is hot
enough for you?'
''The same"
Make it one hundred, and call on me
for more whenever you need it.
Texas Siftings.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22

man with grandchildren and had earn
cd his fortune by the sweat of mis- brow.
like Rockefeller, he could not look the
part that he does now. He and Rookie
teller might easily change places and
both look exactly as me ought TO look
Rockefeller is alert. young looking.
sporty in dress and keen in eve. He
holds his ribbons jaUntily, acts as
though he We're trying to SOW few
wild oats. and keeps a sharp eye on all
Not so young Edwin Gould. With an
immense fortune willed to him and q
Oh -hty business built up by himself
and every chance for enjoying life, he
walks through it like deacon in har-
ness.
On these chill days in Central Park
YOU would hardly recognize the young
man if you had his photograph in your
hand. Coming down from Ardsley
Towers. his country place, he sits quiet
lv back i'm his victoria, with wife and
baby beside him. A carewOrn look is
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-22

rron his fece. He is on his way to
dine with his fatber-in-iaW, Dr. Shra
lr. who is the younger man Of the two.
Vouny GoulG's horses are of the best,
his wife of the preJdest and his baby
e0oueuellv smart. but he is going
rra mace that kills me pace tnaJ JooN
his father iD middle lie. lie VOTES
100 hard. From the side OF the NH
I1uare's carriage bangles q WofsleU
cl~r.ace robe IL is Che work OIL ms M
uusI'ous yCnE wife. she IS uII'I"5
ir .uula winter suit without 700
many .Urs OPP too much elegance. sac
is heN.1- him save. and 1t shows III
the urror-s Thanksgiving time.
TIE OTHER GOULD.
s. different turnout belongs to George
Could This young man knows now 10
spend his money. THANKSGIVING YOU
see him driving an English turnout.
1- has three seats and on the front seat
lrr Gould SITS with his handsome VIE.
over her head She holds q big umbrel-
On not q coaching paras0l. Behind her
ST. the nurses With the Eve children.
The nurses have mo- umbrellas. They
ride ir such sun as there is.
ON THANKSGIVING it was cold and the
winter turnout was brought forth. Ii
VAS @ landau. INTO which an the family
ni-al Two men sat ON the box. Both
wore deem. white capes, white trOus-
ers and taH hats with fur trimming at
tho side. The horses had Ions tails
and the turnout was Russian that day.
mis- wear il viii be the English wagon
Win the baDg-taied horses and the
umbrellas. George Gould smiles con-
s-ently and his wife talks unceasingly
and smiles. She smiles and mods to
ov -vbodv. You see her and YOU do
NOT wonder that she is the woman who
smiled her way into New York So
bonner AND MAUD s.
Rober Bonner for years brought his
Maud =. down to Central Park for her
THANKSGIVING spin and crowds collect
ed to see the grand trotter. Before
Bonner bought her Commodore Van