Evening star., 1896-12-05
DANE OF HIS LIFE.
How His Wife Turned the Lighting
of Heaven IpOn Him.

OF He0Nen pom Him.
Yes" he was saying to the group around
the hotel stove, invention and progress
and all that sort of thing have a great deal
to do with the enlightenment of the world,
but 1 want to say right here that am OBJ
posed to the whole business
You must be from a back count, in New
England" suggested War Department
clerk from Posey county, Ind
Not much; I'm from Indiana" said the
talker Indignantly. An Indianian is al
ways known instinctiveiy by persons of in
telligence."
so / have understood" apologized the
Posey county man, but go on with your
argument. You must have reason for
Your opinions?"
Il have, and IL all comes of my marry
ing Yankee school marin"
No wonder" ventured treasury clerk
from Maryland.
Yes" continued the representative Of the
dark ages from Indiana, 'it all comes OF
marrying woman that was scientific and
sol IN her ways. You see, she wasn't a
spring chicken when 1 got her, and she had
iaeas. 1 had been a bachelor Cor some
thing like forty-siX years, and didn't care
much what time i got in of nights, but
my wife did. and she insisted on my con-
forming to her notions. / kicked and told
her she could conform to mine and stay out
as late as she pleased, but that didn't seem
TO do any good Then We had scraps right
along because she was bound to make me
como in at an early hour"
She wanted to reform YOU" remarked a
guest from Harpers Ferry.
Did she?" snorted the msr,yr. Not
much. She wanted to have her own WAY
Bat L was no slouch myself and stood her
out. Their she quit Goa king, and being kind
OF innocent-lke about women thought I
had taught her lesson she woIldn't for
get. SO the next night. ii being Sunday. 1
didn't get in till about I O'Clock. I'm will
irg TO admit il wasn't quite proper.
Wen. when l came up. on the front steps
L did IL powerful quiet, and just as easy /
slipped my night key in the door and
turned IL. 1 pushed the door open on the
same easy terms, when to my everlasting
astonishment a bell in the back yard began
to bang, bang. bang. like a terrific fire
alarm. OF course, / didn't know what il
was, and L chased back aft to fnd out
never having heard a bell in that neigh
borhood before, and then when 1 opened
the kitchen door the church bell whose
back yard and ours fronted, went off with
a clang, ciang, and then both bells seemed
10 be loaded full of devils all trying 10 get
out al once, and when L tried 10 get back
into my house the kitchen door was locked,
and / was caught in trap.
With all that racket going on, ii didn't
take long to bring half the town down en-
me, and L was found in my own back yard
unable to get out and unable 10 explain
what l was doing there or why l was there.
Some of my dear good neighbors, who
seemed TO smell a mice, said they would go
in and find my wife, as she mad not showed
up: but they couldn't find her: could L
tell them where she was, because / had left
her at home when i went down town, after
dinner"
Had she eloped?" inquired The Posey
county man.
Not much" responded the other hoosier.
regretfully .'She had merely put job up
on me- and gone out in the suburbs 10 stay
all night with aunt of hers, while /
stood the brunt of il. You see, she pat
lot of electric wires in there and connected
them with the doors. and bell snc had set
up in the back yard Then she ran them,
or of them. on over to the church,
where she was organist and couid get In
and out she pleased, and fixed it TO
make a striker on the church bell As L
said, she was scientific, and the way she
played il on me was one of the finest scien-
tifc displays 1 have ever witnessed, and.
by gravy, if 1t happens again something
else is going to happen.
Later the clerk explained that the quest
had only reached Washington that evening,
and while he was ostensibly looking for the
postmastership of his native village, hs
was in reality away from home until the
echoes of those bells had died away, and
he could return in peace and comfort.