Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-02-17
JUST FOR FUN.


Misfortune seldom gathers friends,
but when it does they all stand around
and say, ''I told you sol"
Gussie-Why did you refuse Smith
ers? Did he show the cloven foot? NO,
but he showed the cloven breath.
Does Scribbles write many stories?
Well, I should say say so; he has to
use an incubator to hatch his plots.
"What do you do when you go home
late at night and find your wife sitting
up waiting for you?' "Wish I hadn't
gone home"
DeTalque-Do you believe in here
after? Old Soak You bet do. Pm
trying to think what to tell my wife
when [ get home.
Bachelor am told that a married
man can live on half the income that
a single man requires. Married Man
Yes, he has to.
The frog looked at the tadpole kind
ly and tolerantly. Yes, he remarked,
I remember when I was your age [
had swelled head myself.
''Freddie, why did you drop the baby
on the floor?" "Well, I heard every
body say it was bouncing baby, and
I wanted to see it bounce"
Are you on intimate terms with
your neighbors? No; but they are
with us. Why, they know dreadful
secrets of ours that we never heard of
even
Blobbs-How does Wigwam's wife
keep him so we'll under cOntroR
Snobbs-By threatening to publish the
poems he wrote her before they were
married.
Madge-Mabel's 5000 box of silk hos
iery just arrived from Paris yesterday.
Estelle (cynically)-Ah!S She'll be see
ing mice everywhere now for a month,
won't she?
Clara-He broke off the engagement
lust because [ wanted the ring reset.
Maude-How foolish of him! Clara
Wasn't it? But am going to have it
reset just the same.
So we are not going to have war,
Mrs. Trimmer? No; the prompt ac-
ton of our Woman's Club stopped it;
we telegraphed the president that he
was mean old thing.
Do you understand, asked the Sab
bath school teacher, what is meant
when we say that time shall be no
more? Yes'm, answered Tommy. 1t
means the clock stops.
Bridget, has Johnnie come home
from school yet? Yis, sorr. Have you
seen him? No, sorr. Then how do
you know he's home? cause the cats
hidin' under the stove, sorr.
Wallace = Do you think that cleo
tricity will be much in use in the next
war? Ferry-In the next war? Why,
the Spaniards are winning most OF
their battles with it right now.
Johnnie-Didn't you say your mann
ma said my papa drank like fish?
Tommie-Yes, I did, and it's so, too.
says it amt. She says a fish drinks
water.
Marie! he said nervously, as he sat
straight up in bed, there's man in
the house! William, she responded,
you are very silly. Those are my
boomers hanging over the back of a
chair.
What ails that baby now? snarled
David Don't be cross, expostulated
Dora. You know he is trying to cut
his teeth. Well, growled David, what
makes him always take the time to do
it when Pm at home?
He-I am afraid I couldn't make
you happy, darling, on only $4,000 a
year. She Oh; it's plenty! With
economy I can dress on 81 800, and
just think, dear, we can have all the
rest for household expenses!
Husband (shaving)- Confound the
razor! Wife-What's the matter now?
ssThe razor is so Internally dull.''
''Dull? Why, ripped up an old skirt
with it only yesterday, and it cut
beautifully"
She-You're just like all the rest OF
the men. Here we've been married
only a year and you never kiss me
unless I ask you to. He-Hub! You
are lust like all the rest of the women.
You never think to ask me to kiss you
unless you want money.
Few people know that all plants contain di-
gestive principles. They cannot absorb their
food until it is digested more than animals
can. The Mount Lebanon Shakers have