Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-08-27

Washington Star
Poet-How do You know the editor
isn't in? e-boy--From your looks
Puck.
First Tramp-Wuz you ever married.
Second Tramp-Well, l jist wish had
all the alimony owe.-pucl.
Weren't you surprised when he pro
posed?" mo; why should be?" "Ev
erybody else as."-Harlem Life.
Never Touched Her: He-Don't you
ever tire of talking? She (quicily)-
1t depends upon who is talking.-Yogue.
Artist-That man Bacon offered me
S12 for that largest painting of mine
Caller-Oh, then you've had it framed?
-Yonkers Statesman.
She-Young Baggie, 1 believe, takes
his fences well? He-Yaas, splendid
ly; but it's pity his horse doesn't take
'em at the same time.-Sydney Bullc.
| tin.
There" hissed the Jealous Moor;
"how do you feel now?" Down in
the mouth gasped the irrepressiblc
Desdemona from beneath her pillow.
Puck.
ut is simply astonishing the way the
bicycle is displacing the horsew 1T is.
indeed. Yesterday l found piece OF
rubber tire in my e."-Cincinnat
Enquirer
Brown-Have you read this article
upon How to Tel a BAD Egg" Jones
No, but if you have anything to tell
bad egg, my advice is to break II
gently.-Up-ro-Date.
Miss Rechere Gndignantly)-Did Won
tell Jim Jackson dat eff he married me
he'd hab Il white elephant on hees
hands? Miss Snofaike-No. indeed. I
didn't Do yo' fink Use color-bllnd?-
Puck.
Amicus-Why, do you use the ex.
preston funny joke? Aren't all jokes
funny? Editor-Not by long shot.
| The jokes that other fellows get off
at your expense are never funny
| Truth.
1T seems to me, Miranda" mildly
observed Mr.. Meeks, these cakes
would be considerably improved by the
addition of little more ginger" so
would you, William" briefly responded
Mrs. Mceks.-Chlcag go Tribune.
We'll girls, Jack and I are to be
married at last, and we are so happym
Did you and Jack have some trouble
N getting your fathers consent?" NO,
papa and had lot of trouble in get.
ting Jacks consent"
Mrs. Brown-I have been so annoyed
at my husband. He has been at the
club every night for week. Mrs.
Jones-Nhy, so has my husband, and
he said he hadn't seen anything of your
husband for a week.-BrQpklyn Life.
She-It seems strange that men are
no longer willing to do deadly combat
for the love of a woman. He-Ain't it
queer, though? Especially when WON.
en- have so much more money of their
own these ays!-India1apolls Journal
Il once knew a man." said the i'm.
| aginative boarder who was so fat that
he was actually taller lying down than
when he was standing up. What do
you think of that?' 1T strikes me-"
said the cheerful idiot, ''as pretty tall
lying. Journal.
A Dangerous Text: We'll, Uncle
Rasbury how did you like the sermon?"
"Pow'ful fine sermon, Marse john"
where did the preacher take his
| teXt?" "Frum dat potion OBJ de Scrip
ture whar de Postol Paul pints his pis-
| tol to de Fesions. s."-Washington Times.
Fair Patient-Is there no way of tell
| ing exactly what is the matter with
| me? Dr. Emdee-Only a post-mortem
| examination would reveal that. Fair
Patient-Then, for heavens sake, make
one. | don't see why | should be
squeamish at such time rs this.-Pick-
Me-Up.
Modern society," observed the young
man, contemplatvely, has revised
most of the old-time proverbs" "Yes,"
observed the chaperon, to whom he had
| just handed an ice, 'for instance, now
adays we say, When the husband
| comes in at the door, the lover flies out
| of the window. '"-Exchange.
First Summer Girl-Are you going to
that old Christian Endeavor meeting
this evening? Second Summer Girl
Yes, indeed! Haven't you heard the
subject to be discussed? First Summer
| Girl-No; what is it? Second Summer
Girl-"How to Hold Our Young Men,"
New York Press.
Il was very glad, Mabel to see you
among those who were received into
the church last Sunday" Yes, auntie,
but was so provoked with the clergy
man! He gave me the old-style. I'M
fashionable handshake. And he gets a
salary OF $4,000 a year!'-Chicago Trib-
une.
"Rastus, you internal Niger, you
told me that mule was perfectly safe.
and when l went into the stable he
nearly kicked the top of my head off,"
YES sab; sayed de mewl wuz safe,
sab. But eff yo' kin reccollect, | didn't