Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-12-21
JUST FOR FUN.

How far can crow ny IN Gay,
Eph? 'Cordin to how many co'nfields
dey is on de route, boss.
Bathos-They say that young Rak-
ket is going to the dogs! I am so sor-
ry. Cynicus-So am I. I am very
fond of dogs.
Your life has been one of many re-
verses, said the kind lady, Yes'm
answered Dismal Dawson. Bout every
place turn up I git turned down.
DR.. Kurnit-( writing prescription
Take this every morning. Pat-Divil a
bit will I. Do yez think Dim dumbed
billy goat that yez can fade me on a
bit % paper.
Commercial Rebound-Do you
think public confidence is increasing,
Mrs. Badgeley? You better believe it
is; the day after election my daugh-
ter had three offers of marriage.
Biffins-How are money matters
down your way? Giffins-M Money is
so blamed scarce where L live that
when two So bills meet they have to
be introduced to each other.
Mrs. DeWithers-(on the way from
churchill think, my dear, DR.. Long
winds sermon was very finished eff
fort. Mr.. DeWithers-It was, but do
you know, I was afraid it never
would be.
Is your mamma in? what's your
name? Pm Mr.. Whiteband, the new
minister. Then I guess mammals
expectin' you-'cause she said she'd
bet dollar you'd be sure to come on
washing day.
Patrick, was sorry to hear that
you were arrested last week. What
was the charge against you? I mean,
what were you charged with when
they brought you before the Justice?
Apple brandy, sor.
Smith-What's the matter, old boy?
You look blue. Brown-I've just lost
mother law. Smith, didn't
know you had one. Brown-Nor have
L. l thought I was going to, but
Clara thinks otherwise.
I have a very bad taste in my
mouth, complained Mr. Snaggs.
Your bad taste is not confined to
your mouth, replied Mrs Snaggs.
That's true, it isn't. I also displayed
it in my selection of wife.
Conductor(to traveller who has Just
lighted cigar)-You are not in the
smoking car, sir. Traveller com pla-
cently)-I know it; I never go into
one; it always makes me sick to go
where others are smoking.
Mr.. Smithers- say, landlady, this
butter has most peculiar odor.
Landlady-My dear sir, impossible,
that is fresh rolled butter. Mr..
Smithers-Yes, I understand that,
but where has it been rolled?
So you want to be my son-in-law,
do you? asked the old man, with as
much fierceness as he could assume.
Well, said the young man, standing
first on one foot and then on the
other, suppose I'll have to be if 1
marry Mamie.
Pardon me, said the new boarder
after the others had left the table,
but Pm not up in table etiquette and
don't know just how oranges should
be eaten. Very sparingIy, sir, very
sparingly at this time of year, an
swered the thrifty landlady.
How did you spot him? asked the
reporter of the detective who had Just
nabbed brilliant young confidence
gentleman disguised as a bloomer
girl. The disguise is perfect. I hap
pened to catch him blushing, said the
astute sleuthhound of the law
If you would refuse occasionally
when those hateful men ask you to
drink, said Mrs. Booze, you would
not be coming home in this condition.
You lack firmness of character.
Don't you believe moth ing of the sort,
said Mr.. Booze with much dignity.
The fellers tried to start me home
more'n two hours ago.
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IL, i