Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-11-30
FACTS AND FANCIES.

Every President of the United States
has been either lawyer OF soldier, or
both.
The Zulu lady wears her wedding ring
in her nose, consequently she always
nose where it is.
The Sultan has promised to reform.
Hereafter he will only kill male Arme-
nians.-Florida Times Union.
After the football is over-after the
field is clear-straighten my nose and
shoulder, help me to find my ear.-Spare
Moments.
.sUncle Simon, what is old-fashioned
politeness? 1t is a way people used to
have of asking a man about his health
and then listening until he got through
replying Chicago Record.
Fly Flannigan-"Will yer help re-
aUGesa ss IadgH foTs came 9u you s
out out at the knees - f. F.-"Prayin' fer
work, LADY, London Figaro.
No Local Color-"So Boston rejected
MacMonnies' 'Bacchante 2 /" Eyes, they
were annoyed because she carried a
bunch of grapes instead of a pot Of
baked beans. Chicago Record.
THE POLITICIANS CONCESSION.
1.-THE place should seek the man. quoth he,
This is a truth abiding;
But should 1t come in search Of me,
/ shall not go in hiding
Washington Star.
He-"Youre worth sixteen of any 9th
or of the girls | know
She-"That's the same old compliment.
weight in gold. ''-Detroit Free Press.
'You say Brooks hasn't been able to
put one foot before the other since he
was caught in that wreck. Were his
legs cut off p They weren't injured at
all" s"Then it's strange he can't use
them" 'Not a bit of it. His head
was cut off. "-Harlem Life.
Hawley-"H Has Delivers novel sold
very well?"
Porson-'I understand the first edi-
ton is exhausted"
Hawley-"What!
Person We'll, it. has stood on the
shop counters long enough to be-"
A Feryent aith;.Parson johnson
dat de whale swallered Jonah, don't
yo'?' 'Rastus-"Ya is, .pahson." Par
son Johnson-"Dat's right, 'Rastus; now
tell me why yo' believes it,? Rastus-
"'Cause I'd git Walloped eff | didn't"
Puck.
to get off yesterday afternoon to go to a
| funeral"
'Well. you lied to me. You went to
| see a football match"
Yes, sir; but it was a funeral all the
same. We buried the referee"
Dearest" she asked, smuggling up to
| him, "are you sure you love me more
| than you did your first wife," "Why
darling" he replied, II paid only 81 for
her wedding ring. Yours cost SD"
Then a look of trust overspread her coun-
! tenance, and she murmured: "Oh, you
| have made me SO happy"
| Leader.
HER SOLACING THOUGHT.
She frowned with mingled care and pride
| Her face looked very wise:
! "The times have been so hard she sighed,
1--WE must economical
There in theater she sat
Some thought twas far from funny!
| She smiled because she knew her hat
Was plenty for the money.
In the matter of kleptomania-a rem
iniscence: Addressing the late Justice
Byles, the learned counsel said:
| s'You know, your lordship, that the
medical profession now generally recog-
nizes kleptomania as definite nervous
| disease"
"Yes,' replied the judge, "and l am
sent here to cure it,,
NO END TO IT.
We have boiled the hydrant water,
! We have Sterilized the milk;
/ We have strained the proving microbe
Through the finest kind of silk;
We have bought and we have borrowed
Every patent health device,
| And at last the doctor tells US
| That we've got to boil the ice.
| Buffalo Medical Journal
i The great Whistler was once a cadet
| at West Point His old drawing in
structor, now well-known artist, was
asked not long ago if he could recall
the ability of his pupils, the cadets, and
| 1fs+I
| s'Whistler, said he, "at once showed
| his prediction for art. He had to be q
painter Mr.. Grant-Gen. Grant ?-why,
sir, he was the very poorest draughts-
man in the Glass;
RIGHT SIDE UP.
Spite O. storm-winds BLOWN,
| Weather will be fair;
This here cOuntry'S gOin'
Right side up, with care"'
| Reapin' time or sowin'
Good Lord answers prayer;
This here country'S goin'
Right side up, with care!
Atlanta Constitution.
| A teacher was taking a class in the in
| FAINT Sunday schoolroom, and was max
| ing her scholars finish each sentence to
! show that they understood her. s'The
it couldn't" "See," cried the children
''It had ears, but it couldn't ''Speak,"
once more replied the children. ut had
| nose. but it couldn't" ''Wipe it. ;"
shouted the children. And the lesson
| had to stop a moment.-Tit-Bits
THE PRIMA DONNA.
| eyes, think that the stage operate
! Now needs elevation by me;
I've studied for laurels dramatic
| And L sing-though not quite up to Q.
The hardest to learn is dancing;
But know I am going to win,
In art am surely advancing,
1 can kick most as high as my chin
''Our profession is very exacting-
But nothing is won without work:
I have toiled for six weeks to learn acting,
And not for an hour did | shirk.
think / can hope, with some reason,
For success as matter of course;
And I'm going to open my season
AS soon as | get my divorce
Washington Star.
THE RENDERS ENDURANCE.