Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-07-13
JUST FOR FUN.

Many boy turned out bad because
his father bore down too hard on the
grindstone.
''That Miss Dawson is a stupid
looking girl.'' ssIsu't she?' "Some-
body ought to persuade her to wear
eyeglasses"
asked my doctor if tight lacing
was bad for Indigestion. Yes, what
did he say? He said, "Not at all; it
thrived on it,
Small Voice Under the Bed-No, l
will not come out. tell you once and
for all, Bernesia, I will be master in
my own house.
Sympathetic Passerby-But if he's
badly hurt, why doesn't he go to the
hospital? British Workman Wot!
In lis dinner time!
'You see, it is conducted in this
way, Miss De Shanks. I rise to pro-
pose. ooh, don't rise, Mr.. Promise;
I accept you sitting"
So you went out driving with your
new beau, Susie, and expect he read
your heart like book? Yes, mother.
He read between the lines.
Jinks-Do you suppose man with
a family can live on 81 day and be
Christian? Blinks of course. He
can't afford to be anything else.
Vexed Mother james, how many
more times must I tell you to stop
making that noise? James-I'll leave
that to your own judgment, ma.
He-I've noticed one thing about wild
owls weeds. She-What is it? He-They
seldom interfere with the growth of
orange blossoms on the same soil.
Aunt Jane-In my young days, ,Ev-
elyn, girls amused themselves with a
spinning wheel. Evelyn-But, aunty,
dear, you ought to see my wheel spin!
Bennington Il wonder why
Hchurchyards yawn,' as Shakespeare
says? Pemberton- Probably the cpl
taphs of deceased millionaires make
them tired.
'sI learned to thrum bit at Har-
ward, you know" ooh, of course!
Jack said you learned something or
other there, and I couldn't imagine
what it was"
"Look at that man with the crook
ed neck" 'Do you know what ails
him?n No" sHe's been looking for a
second fat on the right hand side of
north and south Streets"
A Boston paper reports an artist as
saying that sculpture is not at all diff
cult. "You have only to take block
of marble and chisel and knock off
all the marble you don't want"
'sYou are the first girl ever loved,''
he sighed. "Well, never mind" she
replied. IT don't care about that.
The point with me is, am the last
girl you are ever going to love-"
Mrs. Darlington has her humble
followers in the rural districts. In
Norfolk parish an old dame, referring
to the supplied choir, declared they
looked most beautiful in their ''cy-
presses and hassocks."
Uncle Bob-I haven't seen you eat
ing any candy lately, Russell. What
is the matter? Russell Pm saving
up. Papa says when I get twenty
cents, he'll put the rest of the money
to it and buy me bicycle"
Brown The goal of his ambition
was $1,OO0,o 900. He has it now, and
every time he thinks of the fact he
feels blue. Robinson-How is that?
Brown-Well, he had two millions at
one time, and he dropped one.
GLOW is that feud between you and
Jim McSnifter getting on? Is it as Bit
ter as ever?'' ssNo: the whole thing
is happily ended.'' ST am glad to hear
that" "Yes, I am out on bond and the
coroner is sitting on James right now"
A literary man was invited to
Christmas dinner, but was unable to
accept. He explained that he was too
much occupied. He had just receiv-
ed an order for Fourth of July poem,
which had to be written before New
Years.
1t was in the Hawaiian Islands. A
small boy was awakened by smaller
one screaming; and he said, "What
is it?'' When it was explained to him,
he turned over and remarked sleepi-
ly "Well, guess I'll go to sleep be-
fore the next one comes. / usually
sleep when its earthquaking."
Guide at the Stone Gallery, st.
Pauls- Straight over there you see