Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1896-02-19
SMITH AND JONES.

One winter there came TO Trenton two
men. named Smith and Jones, both Of
whom had designs upon the legislature.
Jones had n had wife and was IN love with
another pretty woman. He wished TO be
divorced from the bad wife 30 that he
could marry tho pretty woman, who by
tho way, was widow with sparkling
black eyes and raven trcsses. Smith had
good wiio, plump ~ a robin, good a. an
angel and tho mother u ten children.
Smith sought 70 get charter for n turn
pike from Pigs Run 90 Tctrnpln Hollow
Doth gave wine suppors % tho Legislators,
and both got their bills through.
"My love" said Smith, when he was
onco moro comfortably ensconccd before
hia own domestic hcnrthstono, aud speak
ing TO his wifo. who was minlsturlnR
10 the necessities OF the youngest offspring.
II am ono Of the directors Of the Pigs
Run and Tcrrnpin Hollow turnpike and
viii be president my dear II will quite
Get US up In life. We will send our chill
dren 10 boarding school and 1.-Two In style
OF tho tolls. iloro'a the charter, dncky."
lot mo SEQ Il, pct, " said tho wife, who
was the best Of wives, with plumpncss and
good nature boaming oil over her fncc
She nestled on Smiths shoulder aud throw
her arm lovingly about his neck as she
helped him examine tho parchment.
suddenly smiths visago grow long
His WHO'S looked blank. Smith was not
generally rroianc but now no ripped out
fearful oath.
"Blast IL, wife" ho shouted furiously,
"thoso Internal scoundrols at Trenton have
divorced usl"
II was too truo. Thoparchmcnt no hold
was n bill Of divorce In which tho names
Of Smith md his wifo appeared IN fright
fully big letters. Mrs. Smith wiped her
eyes with tho corner OF hor apron a. she
exclaimed
oh, donr, here's turnpikoi Mr..
Smith, with tho whole ten III our children
staring mo In tho face, amt your wifo"
Here tho voice ~ tho poor woman bc-
came ahokod with sobs, and her utter
anoos wcro too indistinct a. be- recorded
A. for Smith, he cursed away NJ such %
ratio NJ would have convinced amy rpoCtn-
tor " The proprioty u sondlng him mls.
sionary. Although tho night was dark,
and tho denizcns Of tho village had ~.
tired 10 their beds, Smith bndo his vito
put on her bonnet, md arm IN arm they
proceeded 20 the house u tho Clergyman Of
their church.
"Goodnus, bless moi" exclaimed tho
mild, good man ~ no saw thom ontcr.
Smith looking like tho last June shnd.
and Smiths WHO'S faco all atroakcd with
tears "what "a tho mattor'"
THE matter IL, want you 10 marry us
right on, rgphcd smith.
Marry you'll" exclaimed tho astonishod
clergyman, with expanded fingers md
wondering eyes. "Aro you drunk or
crnzyf"
~ nin'scraKy, and l wish was drunk. "
said Smith desperately. "Tho fact h.
Brothor Goodwin, some sooundrols nj
Trenton have, unknown 10 ua, divorced
mo from my wife"
Well, tho minister married. thum. Smith
ana his wife wont homo and Kissed oyory
one II their tnn Children. and the little
Smiths never know that tlpcir inthor and
mother had hocn made strangers TO each
othor by legislative enactment
Meanwhile and ON tho self nmo night
Jones returned 90 his native town and
sought the fms pair Of black eyes which
no hoped shortly TO call his own. The
pretty widow vat ON tho sufa, v,hite
handkerchief tied car,lcssly about her
round, white throat, and hor blebk hnlr
laid In silky waves against hor Roy ohook.
"Divorco Is tho word" gficd Jones
plnyfully pattinR hur doublo- chin. THE
fact Ia, Ellra, am 80 f that cursed
woman, and yeli,uhd win hc married to.
night lenow how 10 manage those fol.
lows NJ Trenton. A champagne supper
or was II u broakfusti--did our business
with them. Put ON your bonnet and lot
US 20 10 the preachers at once dearest"
Tho widow (who was among widows ns
peaches arc among applos) put ON her bon.
mot and took Ioncg arm, and
"Just look how handsomely II Il nut on
parchment" cried Jones, pulling tho doc.
uinont out before her. "Horu's tho law
which says that Jacob Jones and Ann
Caroline Jones aro two. Look NJ M"
Putting her plump gloycd hand on his
shoulder, sho dld look ~ IL.
"Oh, doarl" sho cried with her rosebud
lips and sank back, half fainting ON tho
sofa.
"oh, blazes, cried Jones, rumpllng tho
parchment IN his hand, here's lots Of
champagne and happiness gone 90 rulni"
IL was q hard case. Instead Of boiling
divorced and at liborty 10 marry tho
widow, Jacob Jones was simply. hy tho
legislature OF New Jersey, Incorporated
Into n turnpike company, with the liberty
OF constructing u turnpike from nufling.
ton 10 Bristol. Whom you reflect that
Burlington and Bristol arc located about
milo apart, ON opposite sidos Of tho Dol.
aware river, you viii perceive tho extreme
hopolcssness Of Jones' case.
ITS all the fault OF that turnpike man
who gave them tho supper or was IL the
broakfastY cried Jones In his agony. "ii
they had only chartered mo to lay a turn.
pike from Pigs Run 10 1'orrgpln Hollow,
1 might have borne II, but tho very idea
OF laying turnpike across tho Delaware
river, from Burlington 10 Bristol, Is an
informal absurdity."
So IL was
"And amt you divorced" said Eliza q
tear rolling down each ohook.
"No," Numbered Jones, crushing his
hat between his knees, land, what Is
worse, tho legislature has adjourned and
gone home and won't DO back To Trenton
until next yearl"
IL was sad. The mistake lad occurred
on tho last day Of tho session, when the
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