Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1896-11-26

Her father and mother, his brother
family and dignified judge and his Wit,
comprised the list of guests, and grea
were the preparations for their reception
Some of the preparations seemed TO tn,
gentlemau's benIghted understanding
lrifie unnecessary; as, for instance, tn,
sweeping, busting and general rearrang-
ing OF the attic. The visitors, he objected
would never venture into that part of the
house unless the roof should happen t.
take fire, and even in that event, the,
would probably pay but little heed TO tn,
order of its appointments.
B 1t his wife informed him that he knew
nothing whatever about house keeping
and then proceeded to wash down the eel
lar stairs and mop the shed floor.
When the eyentful day arrived, and the
guests were seated in the best front room,
awaiting the summons to dinner, the
anxious hostess stationed herself just out
OF sight Of every one but her husband,
and with frantic gesticulations gave him
to understand that his presence was de-
sired in the kitchen.
Consequently, he adroitly excused him
self on the ground that Mrs. Newman
seemed to be wanting something and, fol.
| lowing the reckoning finger, was straig ht-
way favored with birds-eye view OF the
entire feast.
| A noble looking turkey was exhibited
| to his wondering eyes, and the principal
joints in its anatomy hastily indicated.
In stage whisper he was told when and
how to serve the various dishes, and alto
gether listened to so many warnings ana
| instructions that he was conscious of
nothing but blind trust in Providence.
The company finally seated at table, Mr..
Newman rose in his place and proceeded
to grapple with the great American buzz
Yard, while his wife, with one eve on his
{ M To 3 ha
attention of their guests in agr, ca Die con-
versation.
With the air OF a profound student OF
the science OF osteopathy. be made brave
slash with the carving knife and COM
menced to probe about for a joint. The
platter slowed around on the starched ana
embroidered center-piece, and the carver's
elbow, coming in violent contact with
tumbler OF water, overturned the same to
tine ruination OF several elaborate doilies.
Mrs. Newman neglected to reply TO one Of
the judges wise ks, and agreeable
conversation tagged for a moment.
At length he managed to hsggle of the
legs, and charged at wing without re-
gard to joints. As be accidentally hit the
right spot, that member came of With
surprising readiness aud flew across the
table into his mother-in- as lap while
the glittering knife glanced past the
judges temple and stuck 10 the wall be-
mind his head.
The mother law contrived to look as
amiable as a woman can whose best black
silk has grease spot on the front breadth,
and the Judge made an effort 10 conceal
his pillor behind a napkin.
Apologies and polite p estations fol-
lowed but the cOuntenance OF the judge
wore a relieved expression when the
flushed and uneasy hostess suggested
that the guests be served with the meat
that had already been gnawed of, and at
the same tiGe enforced her suggestion by
retaining possession OF the carving knife.
So they passed around the fragments OF
the mangled bird, whose carcass looked
as though ii had been dismembered IN
railroad accident, the unnatural silence OF
the turkey under such treatment h.
easily explained by the carver's brother
on the ground that Mrs. Newman must
nave forgotten to cook the gobbie.
tOther locals on next page)