The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1896-12-03
CHOOSING A WIFE

batting in his mind, he decided 10 take
a wife, his thoughts at once turned to
a matrimonial paper as the best means
for attaining his object. Not that he
was unacquainted with any being on
whom he would have been willing to
confer the title of Mrs. Theodore Shy
but such was his innate bashfulness
that he dreaded his determination be-
ing ascertained by his friends, and
himself consequently ridiculed.
Theodore Shy, at the time of con-
templating this most serious step, was
thirty-six years of age Passably good
looking, good tempered, good naturedi
he possessed a good house, a good in
come, and all he required was a good
wife to make his home happy.
While matters were at this stage
Theodore was brought to a full stop,
and for this reason-he could not con-
coct suitable advertisement.
"Of course" he said, II don't want
an old wife, but I can't advertise that
want a pretty young girl-and l
shall certainly want her to be good
looking. And what else? Let me see.
Modest, musical amiable, domestic,
loving-hang it! l can't do 1t. II II
was ever discovered to be my adver-
tisement / should never hear the end
of it.
He was in dilemma for two days,
when he determined to seek the advice
of friend-a young widow, who had
often commiserated him on his solitary
lot It is surprising that, being so
bashful he should have actually
sought the advice of lady; and that
lady too, one who would possibly have
no objection herself to becoming Mrs.
Theodore Shy. But Mrs. Ready was
an old friend whom he had known be-
fore her marriage, and was the only
person he felt he could take into his
confidence, being assured of her SYM
pathy and discreetness. She had mar
r1ed when only nineteen, young lieu
tenant in the army, who, three months
afterward. was inconsiderate enough
to leave his wife a widow. She was at
this time twenty-five years of age, and
exceedingly pretty. Acting on his first
impulse, he lost no time in paying the
relict of the late Lieut. Ready visit.
After talking of the weather of yes
terday, the prospects of ditto for to-
day and tomorrow, Theodore sought
an opening to the subject Of his call
81 wish to seek your advice on a mat
ter of great import to myself.
"Yes."
There is no one else of whom l
should care to ask this advice, and
feeling assured of your sympathy and
help determined to be guided by your
counsel, If you would be so good as to
give it.
The widow, much surprised and i'm
pressed by his seriousness, repressed
her inclination to laugh, and said she
would be pleased to help him in any
way she could.
THANK you, you are very good"
and, taking the widows hand, Thao-
dore rather profusely expressed his
gratitude.
We'll, the fact is," he said, reln-
gushing her hand--which she made
no attempt to Tithdraw-"T am con-
templating marriage, and knowing you
knowing you to be-"
Yes" said the widow, demurely.
Knowing you to be more experience
ed in such matters, and being so kind,
SO good-so-"
Yes" she said in low tone, mov-
ing little near to him. and
And so disinterested."
Here she gave him an unutterable
look of reproach.
Il thought / could not do better than
ask your advice as to the lady / wish
to marry"
Mrs. Ready looked puzzled Was he
going to propose after all? who Is
the lady?"
We'll, ah! the fact is, I don't know"
Don't know?"
ono ~ ha MI
see, / expect there would be a great
deal of chaff at such an old bachelor as
myself getting msrried, and / am anx-
ious to avoid it,"
Theodore had, by some process OF
reasoning, come to believe he was too
old to dream Of marriage, The widow
thought otherwise and ventured to say
so.
We'll, at any rate" he said, my
friends think so, and would ridicule
the idea so I've been thinkin gof using
the columns OF a matrimonial paper
for the purpose.
The widow looked aghast.
What do you want me to do, then?"
The fact is" he confessed, IT can't
make out such an advertisement as [
would like, and | want you to help me
word one, If you will be so kind"
Writing materials being on the table,
the widow sat down and took a sheet
Of paper on which to commit notes.
First OF ALL" said the lady, what
sort Of wife do you want?"
This was a staggerer. Theodore ex-
amined the pattern of the carpet. the
ceiling, the mantlepiece and half a
dozen things, and then turned his eyes
to the widow, on whom he gazed in
tently. 1t seemed that he now for the
first time fully recognized her charms.
Really" he said, II cannot describe
the sort of lady should like. You see,
1t seems so foolish, especially for me.''
well, then,' replied HIS companion,
who had apparently received an inspi-
ration, II will suggest such and slch a
point and you shall say whether it
would suit you. Now, do you want a
young, middle-aged or old lady?"
"Oh! 1 think-youngish."
But what do you call youngishi
You don't want girl of sixteen?"
mo, of course, not 30 young as that. >