Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1896-07-04
HUMOR In EPITAPH.

that character
Honest John
: dead and gone.
Here are some miscellaneous grotes-
ques:
Here lies me and my three daughters,
Brought here by using Cheltenham
Waters
If we had stuck to EPSON salts
We wouldn't be in these here waits.
From New Hampshire church.
yard
TO all my friends | bid adieu,
a more sudden death you never knew.
As | was leading the old mare to drink,
She kicked, and killed me quicken a
wink.
On an East Tennessee lady:
She lived life of virtue, and died
of cholera marbus, caused by eating
green fruit, in hope of a blessed i'm
mortality, at the early age of q years
I months and 16 days. Reader. "Go
thou and do likewise"
The following was composed by
three Scotch friends to whom the per.
SON commemorated had left a legacy,
with the hope expressed that they
would honor him by some record Of
their regrets. The first friend CON-
posed the line which naturally opened
the ephitaph:
Provost Peter Patterson was Pro.
vost of Dundee.
The second added:
Provost Peter Patterson. here lies he.
The third could suggest no other
conclusion than:
Hallelujah. Hallelujah!
The following must be taken as
as fling at noble profession
Here lies the corpse of DIR. Chard,
Who filled the half of this churchyard.
This is as bad as the unkind hint
conveyed in the following, il church.
yard near Newmarket
Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton,
Who never did aught to vex one.
Not like the woman under the next
Stone
Domestic troubles have been laid
bare on the tombstone from the time
of the Greeks and Romans. Here is
a piece of atrocious doggerel to be
seen in Selby ehurchyard, in York
shire:
Here lies my wife, sad slattern and
shrew;
If said | regretted her | should lie
too
The following, which frequently
appears in a collection OF epitaphs,
not credited to any locality, and may
be mere wondering bits of epigram-
matte misogynism:
This dear little spot is the joy of my
life
1t raises my flowers and covers my
wife.
| am not grieved, my dearest life,
Sleep on-Ive got another wife
Therefore | cannot come TO thee.
For must 60 and live with she.
Ny wife's dead, aud here she lies,
No man laughs, and no man cries
Where she's gone, or how she fares,
Nobody knows, and nobody cares
Here lies my poor wife. without bed
or blanket,
But she's dead as door nail, and God
be thanket.
| In the following the tables are turn
ed
Here lies the body of Mary Ford,
Whose soul, we trust, is with the Lord;
But il for hell she's changed this life,
lis better than being John Ford's wife.
Intentional drolleries frequently
take the form Of puns. Among these
should rank the epitaph on Mr. Foote
of Norwich:
Here lies one Foote, whose death many
thousands save,
For death has now one foot within the
grave;
and the one ON Mr.. Box:
Here lies one Box within another,
The one OF wood was very good
We cannot say much for t'other
also the famous one of Sir John
Strange;
Here lies an honest lawyer,
That is Strange.
A "happy eonceit" it was doubtless
thought in 1910, TO write over a mem.
Der Of Parliment named White:
Here lies a John, a burning, shining
light,
Whose name, lite, actions. all alike
were White
The following is by Swift on the
Earl of Kildare:
Who killed Kildare. Who dared
Kildare to kill?
Death killed kildare-who dare kill
whom he will
Here are few miscellaneous ex-
amples, the first on y Mr.. Fish
Worms are bait for fish, but here's
sudden change:
Fish is bait for worms sis not that