The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1896-05-01
VARIETIES.

-Teacher-What part of the Bible
tells who were our first parents? Dick
Hicks-The family record.
Have you ever noticed that you
no sooner get one trouble off your
hands than another comes along?
-May-"Pamela has pretty hard
luck" Eva-"What nowy' May
Her fance has broken his right arm"
-Quiz-"So you believe in the green
every timer Pat-"Yis, sor; kept
whin it's the Crane apple or the
grave"
Tourist (up in the lumber region)-
There doesn't seem to be much to see
but there's lots TO saw.
The Sheriff-You say that fellow
| who broke Jail left a message behind?
The Keeper-Yes, sir; here it is ON this
paper: Excuse the liberty taken'
-Toots-What made that man
sneak out SO quickly? Dentist-We
had row the other day, but he didn't
know was a dentist until just now.
ANY man can start an earthquake
shock in ueighborhood. All he has
to do is to ask people if they felt Il
shock, and imagination does the rest.
Believe nothing against another
but on good authority, and never
report what may hurt another unless
it be greater hurt to some other to
conceal it.
Mrs. Doostop: Bridget, where
are the nuts for dessert? Did you
crack them?'' Bridget: "Thure an
Oh didn't mum. Oicouldn't get me
teet' t'roo EN-
-Nell-"Cholle told me last night
that he thought my face would stop
an angel in its flight" Belle-"Don't
you think you'd better practice on
clock first, my dear?''
-Boggs-How is it that your hair is
quite white, while your beard is very
dark? Noggs-It's the most natural
thing in the world. Boggs-lndeed?
Noggs-It is thirty years older.
He: "Oh, dear! l wish could get
hold of some good biscuits like mother
used to make for me- She: Aid |
wish l could get some good clothes
like father used to buy for me-"
-Millionaire:- DO you detect any
resemblance between me and this bust
of Julius Caesar?'' Candid Friend:
why, sir, the resemblance is simply
marvellous. You are both bald.
Wallace: Don't you suppose
George Washington told any lies, even
after he married?' Ferry: "Of course
not. He knew it would be no use.
He married a widow, you know"
-Hoax-"Time'y went to Alaska
prospecting for gold, and found lead
titles, | suppose, and valuable Hoax
nj f1+ fol -
Miss Bellfeld-'How on earth did
you come to get engaged to Willie Van
i}raamE' Miss Point BreeZ-"Weil,
YOU see, Just at the time he proposed
l didn't happen to be engaged to any
one"
She-"Oh, yes; know that you
think that woman is Il silly creature
whose head may be turned by mere
tnerv.n He-"It is sure to be turned
if some other woman passes with the
mere finery on"
IF you must know. ma am, Your
husband won't live twenty-four hours
longer Good gracious. eiaculi ted
the broken hearted woman; 'and here
you've gone and prescribed medicine
enough for five days
What did Senator Sorghum say
when you asked him foraninterview?'
asked the managing Editor. Moth
ing" replied the reporter. "WeH,
make a column of it, It's Just about
what the public expects from him"
Anxious Mother-"Has Mr..
Bashful proposed YETI" Daughter
Not exactly; but last evening, when
| was holding little Dick in my lap,
| Mr. Bashful went to the piano and
sang: Would l Were Boy Again: "