The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1896-11-28

4ney may neglect otner auAlrs,
But they never can overlook that.
Washington Post.
"Uncle George, what is a good con.
versationalistG" "Well, Dickie, it's the
woman who gets the first start"-New
York Sun.
81 do not believe that have a true
friend In the world" $50 you have
been trying to borrow money, too. have
ouF-Truth.
"Madge, why do you always buy.
your books at dry goods store?" "Fie.
cause-it doesn't give me such shock
when the clerks know nothing about
them."-Puck.
Unmarried Sister-Do you think
Jacks yacht will be becalmed? Mar
ried Sister-I could tell you better II
knew that women were on board, my
dear.-Pick-Me-Up.
what would you do, dear, II were
to dieT asked Mrs. barley, fondly. II
don't know" replied barley, thought
fully; (which is your choice, burial or
crematiOn"-Judge.
Il really think that the bike was the
cause of MacNab marrying Miss
Smithers." That's odd" "Not at all.
You see, they were thrown SO much in
each others society."-Judge.
His Way of Putting tits there
one fountain pen better than anotherT
"Well, no; should say, however, that
there are a good many fountain pens
worse than others. Chicago Record.
He pinned upon his overcoat-
That sneering Johnny Power
A big chrysanthemum and said:
"That's what l caulifower." -
Chicago Tribune.
II wonder IL that diamond Nudge
has is Of the first water?" II doubt 1t.
It has been soaked so many times that
II must be of the tenth or eleventh
water by this time."-Indianapolis
Journal.
"See here, waiter! Those eggs are
not cooked properly" Il know 1t, sir;
but you said they were for your wife,
and / knew If the lady was your wife
she couldn't be very particular."-Yon-
kers Statesman.
"See how clean Of snow Browns
sidewalk is and look at JacObsOn's,
next door" eyes, but you don't UNI
derstand." "WhatT II saw Brown
borrow Jacobson's snow shovel two
hours ago."-Chicago Record.
Mr.. Henpect (anxiously)-Can
bring proceedings in court, Mr.. Black
stone, to set aside my wife's Willy
Iawyer-Why, your wife isn't dead,
man, is she? Mr. Henpect-Noi that's
Just the trouble.-Somerville Journal
Mrs. Snaggs (who was school teach
er before her marrlage)-The scientific
name Of the turkey Is Meleagris Gal
lopavo. Mr.. Snaggs-We will abbre-
yiate that name to Dennis" for the
time being.-Pittsbur Chronicle-Tele-
! graph.
"Father." said the small boy, what
makes piano players wear their hair
long?" Don't bother me, Johnny"
but, father, wish to know" oh
It's SO the public won't be able to see
how much their heads have swelled'"
Washington Star
Mrs. Lightly-You used to call me
''dear" before marriage, you never do
now. Mr. Lightly-Before l married
you l thought you dear; now know
you are dear, very, very dear, more
dear to my purse than my heart.-To
Date.
Youth with incipient beard)-l want
a bottle Of face lotion. Druggist-Do
you want something to use after shaw
ing2 Youth (confidentlally)-No! You
see I'm raising a beard, and. l want
the face lotion for my fiancee.-Phila-
delphia Record.
"What on earth have you been do
ing, my child?" exclaimed Fannie's
mother as the little girl came into tho
room with her hair all awry and her
dress torn in a dozen places. PLAY
In shoppin', ma'am!' was the reply
! YOnkers Statesman.
"YOu are worth your weight in gold
! to me, darling!' he murmured. Then
do go home early, George, dear" she
replied, YEARLY. 1--WE lost ten pounds
since we became engaged, just sit.
ting up with you. We can't afford such
Interchangeable Bazaar.
Lad Of 10-I say, pa, what Is the
meaning of these numbers at the bot
tom Of every picture? Look at this
one: Shakespeare, 1913. Perplexed Fa.
Their (who has never been in a gallery
before)-O!-ah!-I expect that is his
telephone number. Humoristlschs
Blaetter.
First Wife-My mans just gone out
wild as a hawk COS he can't find any
money to spend on beer. Second Wife
Where do you hide it2 Do tell! Mine
knows everywhere bout the house.
can't hide nothIn' from him long. First
Wife-I always puts 1t in his own coat
pocket, the one as hangs up behind the
door. and be don't never look there