The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-11-23
HINTS FOR MEMBERS.
PRESIDENT TooTs TALKS TO The
THOMPSON STREET CYCLISTS.

Thomson Street Bicycle club President
Toots announced the following additional
hints and suggestions for the benefit of
members:
IF George Washington had been a blk
ist, he would have lied about how easy he
could go up the steepest hill.
you may miss a dozen cable cars By
six or eight inches but you are bound to
be picked up sooner or later. If flung over
the dashboard into the car, you Will be
expected to pay fare.
"a century run may mean 100 miles
or only or L It's better to make 4 and
lie the 90.
ssGive your boy a brad aw1 and let him
puncturs your tires at home, where you
have the time and convenience for prac-
tice. This will be sport for him and
picnic for you
ono bjcvcIe is eccentric. It is the rider
who spins gayly along the street one day
and goes bounding over the eurbstones and
horse blocks the next
ono pupil should give up before taking
at least so lessons If you can't make a
go of 1T after that no one will blame you
for feeling that the world is against you
and thirsting for revenge
There are wheelmen who run over
cows lying down on a country road, but as
no prizes are offered, and as a COW is like
" to get up when you are going over her,
it's just as well to dodge her when you
can. -
The committee to whom was submitted
the question, is there q cure for the BIZ
cycle faoe?" announced it's readiness to re-
port and the chairman read as follows
dis committee has given To- weeks to
investigat de matter an has consulted
wild de best doctors at han, an it has
rove at de conclusion dat dere am no cure
fur de ailment except de lapse of time De
bicycle face am a light stroke Of paralysis
1t seizes dc rider when he makes his first
trip on de road an meets wild de fust beer
wagon or movin van. De road may be 200
feet wide an de driver of dat vehicle do
most keerfuI man in de world, but de new
bikest am skeart jest de same He emag-
ines he am gwine to be run ober and
squashed to squash, an in his terror de
wheel wabbles to de right an to de left an
falls fat down, an when yo' help him up
yoi don't know him fur de same pusson
He's got de bicycle face on him. His eyes
hang out, his mouf is half open, his com
plexion am de color Of chalk, an he either
speaks wild lisp or a stutter. Muffin yo'
kin say to him -nufiin 20 kin dO-will
take away that awful look. If you kin
keep him out of a lunatio asylum or pre-
vent suicide an encourage him to continue
ridin, time viii cure de ailment- It viii
begin to fade about de time he crosses six
street kyar tracks ahead of six cable kyars,
an some day when he had lodged Texas
steer an outrun runaway boss his usual
look will return to him an he Will be all
right foreber mo.
In dis conneokshun we wish to frow
out a hint to de large class of riders of
boat sexes who Tido along wild de lnouf
open. II SIGH pussons viii ohaw gum as
dey ride dey will soon find dat de mouf
kin DO kept shut for at least half dc time.
De result viii be de same if you ohaw on
rag, but you don't get quite so much fun
out OF it. ."
The committee to whom was submitted
the question, s. Can the bicycle dream be
evaded2'' were then called upon for a re-
port, and it was Forthcoming as follows:
Dis committee has talked wild ober 100
Theelmen-ole young, male an female
an has found dat all passed frew de same
experience. De bicycle dream comes after
de fust lesson. Yo' go homo pushin on
de sidewalk wild your right foot an your
left foot All de buildin s seem to vabble
as yo' pass EN-. Yo' feel like ringin de
bell an putin on de brake wheneber 20
meet 3 lamppost YO' go to bed wild sch
enteen kinds OF backache an 70 teen sorts
of lameness. an yo' no sooner drap off to
sleep dan yo' hear a voice calm ont, Push
on de right pedal, push on de left, look ont
fur dat post, what yO' dOin agin dat wall,
don't be afraid, sot up straight, git up
your nerver Den comes de bicycle dream.
1t can't help but come. YO' dream of run
min ober preciPices, up trees an cliffs ober
men, women an ohil'en. Yo' see gallons
o. blood an dozens o corpses. YO' dream
dat yO' jump on to your bike to fee away,
but de bike kicks up behind an frOws 20
OF an a Thousand men cry fur vengeance
an hang yo' to de nearest lamppOst. When
yo' are gwine to be hung 20 yell out In
your sleep an skeer all de policemen off de
block. When 20 am hangin, 20 kick de
footboard of de bed, frow all de bedclothes
outer de winder, an if somebody don e
n0l uri 81 Oh Ia ftr1ra ar.
tear down de house. OATS de usual bicy-
Gle dream an no doctor am gwine to beat
it. 1t gifts wilder wild every lesson 20 take
up to about seben, an de fust day 20 60
out on de road is followed by SIGH a dream
of rattlesnakes, preci pioas, runaway bosses,
bad Injuns, pizened watermillyons an
mad dawgs dat some dreamers am found
dead in bed an de coroner calls it heart
disease.
while muffin can prevent de bicycle
dream, it kin be rendered comparatively
harmless. When a pusson am gwine to
take lesson, he should inggge de services
of two strong men to sot up wild him dat
night Dey should tie him to de bed wild
clOtheslines DEFY should hev pals of ice
water at hand to frow ober him. Dey
should hev clubs to whack him wild when
he begins to kick He won't escape de
dream, but dere won't be so many mad
dawgs an Niagary falls in it. 1t allus
lasts a week, an sometimes two, an goes
away after de dreamer has bounced along
Ober six blocks OF cObblesUun pavement. "
President Toots thanked the committee
on behalf of the club for its thorough
and patient researches and interesting re-
ports, and added that he should have them
published in the medical magazines and
sent to all hospitals. He had read in the
papers Of a bicyclist in Chicago being
struck by lightning while out on the
street during a thunderstorm. He had