The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-08-10

EdEeworth Samuel Lover and Charles
Lever. These were either too pathetic
or too mirth provoking. The new Irish
stew has neither OF these qualities. Take
a dreary strip OF bog land in a deserted
part OF the wilds OF COnnaught. with
broken down mud cabin and a few drills
Of "pceyaties"-the newest form OF this
much dismembered word. The hero must
be a melancholy wretch, innocent OF the
slightest CLEAN OF humOr. with an OBJ
lection to rent Of any kind and a tendency
TO mitigated Fenianism under the name
of Irish home rule. A ROmish priest may.
be thrown I'm, but great care must be TAX
en- To select the very driest specimen OF
the kind that can be found II Is not
necessary TO have a herolnes but II desir-
cd, barefooted slip Of girl always
ostentatiOusly referred to as "the col
leen'D may be used, provided there Is
nothing interesting about her. drunken
squahble az lonely inn may be introduced
according TO taste, but Il must not be In
any way amusing. The ingredients for
this stew are so inexpensive that II may
be produced for about and per volume.
Society Hash.-A verp popular dish. and
easily made out OF commonplace mater.
ials. Take selected portions OF the Ten
Commandments, and chop them up fine
for havOring. Young literary cooks find
much difficulty at first in deciding which
FOR uturatlon so as to make a spicy
mixture. Following the methods of GER
tain French chefs, the seventh COM
mandment has lately been much affected
by English novelists, and II certainly az
fords a strong SAVIOR, quite to the taste
Of the lax morality of our time The
socalistic variety OF this dish includes
his OK, or his ass, or anything that II
thy neighbors." The other ingredients
for society hash are unimportant. They
may consist Of broken scraps Of the
third, sixth and eighth comma ndments
judlciously mixed. A modern novel which
does not contain a fair proportion of
swearing, a fragment OF murder and a
goodly share of fraud is destined 20
speedy death.
Theological soupe-Maigre. This is a
dish which requires very careful cook
ing for X UNDERGONE Il Is insipid, while
If Overdone il IS emetic. The most sue
cessful method IS as follows: Take a
young curate of studious propensities,
who has read Rousseau, Tom Paine and
Shelley, without having the faintest idea
OF what these writer's mean, and whose
mind Is a hopeless muddle Of atheism,
the rights of man and free love. He
must be placed In position where no
can air his ignorance without restraint
as a missionary to Central Africa, or az
the curate-in-charge of an agricultural
English parish, where neither savage nor
clodhopper can reply to his sophisms.
The skillful novelist has unlimited oppor-
tuntles for padding OUT TO three vol
umes by inserting long quotations from
| foreign authors whose thories have been
exploded long ago. AS this concoctlon ap-
peals TO a very limited circle II Is neces-
| sarily expensive, three volumes usually
costing about a guinea and half.
| Pious Pudding-To one good young man
with an interest IN foreign missions add
one religious young woman, teacher 10 a
| Sunday school, who devotes her life to the
collection of subscriptions for the CONVEX
| sion OF the Jews The devout dialogues
| of these two characterless characters may
| be diluted with an unlimited admixture of
| quotations from tracts of a perfectly
| harmless kind. This pudding may be re-
commended as absolutely non-iutoxicat-
| ing and very mild stimulant 1t Is quite
| within tho range of moderate incomes,
and rarely exceeds crown octave, three
and-siX.
There goes more skill to the construct
| ing of a modern drama than to the cook
| ing Of an up-to-date novel. The reason
| is obvious. While the novelist may thor
| oughly disgust thousands of his readers
without his being made aware of the fact
| TIL the circulation Of his work suddenly
| drops the dramatst challenges viva voce
criticism in the theater and must be-
careful to cater for the tastes of q very
mixed audience. The sentiment which
| will be applauded by the gallery may be-
| very offensive to the stalls, and remarks
upon class privileges that delight the am
| phi-theater may provoke the resentment
/ of the dress circle. But there are very
/ plain rules 20 be observed in the build
! ing of drama which may secure at least
temporary success These are worthy OF
| consideration.
The modern drama is of two kinds.
| There Is the Ibsenite species, which Is
| founded upon man with past, and there
woman with Il past. Both Of these forms
permit of that kind of writing which Is
/ ominously entitle Suggestive" The
| style of architecture differs from that of
| the French drama, where the past" of
| the characters Is often made the source
of many comic situations. The modern
drama in this country is too serious for
/ such frivolity. 1t is as gloomy as a Gothic
| crypt; IL is a stern as a medieval peni-
| tential cell.
To Construct an Ibesenite Dolls House.
Having cleared away all the flowers and
| vegetation that might help to make life
| tolerable, and reduced the site to bar
! renness mark off the limits of your house,
| Very little skill is needed for the selec-
| ton of materials. The man with a past is
| basement and first floor and second floor
| and roof. He pervades the whole estab-
! lishment- There is nothing very Interest,"
| ing about him personally save that he has
| a past, and the elaborate structure is
| raised merely to emphasize the fact thai
| men with several pasts may be among our
most familiar friends. The women intro
| duced, as a rule, are mere bric-a-brac, only
| fit for embellishing the drawing room.
| There Is a paltry one-ideaness about the
whole building that is depressing in the
| extreme.
To Vamp Up a Jonesian ViIla--One dis
reputable woman, two rakes, a good ma
| tured. pious imbecie and few odd lots
| Of used up building material are alone
necessary for the jerry built tenement
| of Jones'. The woman must have had an
unlimited number of ''pasts," and the chief
work OF the dramat1St Is TO doVetdH and
half-check and cOunter-sink these In the
most bewildering manner. The situations
are often risq1e IN the extreme, but when
ever these became 50 pronounced as to
threaten the stability of the whole build
ing, the architect has only to shore them
up with some wooden moral sentiments
and plaster over the cracks with preachi-
ness. Any kind Of worthless rubble in the
form of minor characters will do to flH
up odd corners. These are merely men and
women of no Importance. The probable life
of Jonesian villa may be set down at from
three weeks to two seasons. Not one of
them is likely to survive five years after
its erection.
To Manufacture Modern Machine Made
Poetry.-N othing more is necessary than
the knowledge OF how to turn a crank
without jerking. The method Is simplicity
itself. The poet writes a series of COM
monplace sentiments in everyday prose.
He then measures off the paragraph into
feet, and with the aid of a rhyming die
tionary he inserts at regular intervals cer-
tain words that are similar in sound. No
reflection is necessary. Original ideas are
rather distracting than otherwise.
rts.-