The Monitor-register., 1896-08-14
A LITTLE FUN.

U"appr c4sive o - l wnuidn't pave
you do it for the world II never agreed
with NJ, a, q the oh rc-a ar. ir ~"uIdr't
agree with YOU. ."-Boston Transcript
x*x
First D ,mestic 1ho had bean out Tor
four nik ms that weak k1-I'm sorry. bat /
cau't go a. Lsnning's ball - night. rhe
mls-u- .r'f l-t ~
) co q D m-s'ic-An' Uh, . 0p't sh. =?
FiFe D mtsf,c-I dunrn NJ, bb. sh. Is
mad hcrn- ahe's mt in7itpd Spare
Moments
Cnstomer-Hered MT you guarantee
a perfect fit of everything that goes from
your place?
Tailor-Certainly Is there anything
you wish altered?
Customer-Yes. Cnt down this bill
it's too large for my pocketbook .-Hdrper's
Bdzar.
Bellows - "Gocd morning, Fellows!
II 0o yOuI OlOtDcL CODuibIOu
any since l saw you last?'
Fellows-"It grieves me to say it has
not"
Bellows-"Does the doctor give him
any hope?"
Fellows-'No; but he has given him
about everything else. p Yonkers Gazette.
x*#
Client-''Y fee is exorbitant. 1t
didn't take you day to do the work"
Lawyer-'1t is my regular fee. am
not charging you for time, but for the
cost of my legal education
Client-"Well, give me receipt for
the cost of your education. so that the
next fellow won't have to pay for it, too. "
Harlem Llfe
Tom--How do you like welded bliss
Jack?
Jaok-All right, except the Sunday
work.
Tom-Goiug to church, suppose
Jack-No, thinking up excuses for NOT
going. It's terrible mental strain
Detroit Journal
**x
''The butcher offered me bis hand this
morning." said the hired girl.
"Indeed?"
"Yes'm. He tried to sell it to me with
the steak, but made him take it off the
scales. * Cincinnati Enquirer.
x*x
Georgie-''Say, ma, typewriting amt
like handwriting. is it9''
Georgie's Mamma-''No, Georgie. Why
do you ask9"
Georgie-" Cause heard papa down
to bis office say to the typewriter girl
What a beautiful handr CleuelanG
Plain Dealer.
Nm
ALLOW me to hand you my bill" sale
Dr. Perkins Soonover to Mr. Slowpay
who, after glancing at it exclaimed
"Great Scottl Was I as sick as al
thatP"-1eras S!fttngs.
| ~
| Woman is making great progress. Sh'
started on ons rib and is now riding tht
bicycle Gal0eston Neqos
4~x
| Johnnir's Ma-"Johnui- IS doing az
n ceiy in school. The TEACHER think
ev ryrhine OF him. She has given hiu
such pretty pet u me. What is it they
call you at school. Johnnie?'
Johnnie (sententiously) Rubber
neck y Cleveland Plain Dealer.
**x
| Al hear your son has been punished
recently for inflicting grievous bodily
harm"
| B-"And no wonder. He is sppren.
ticed to barber "-Standard
| x*x
| Isn't that very slow horse ofyours?'
swell, he isn't much for speed, but
he's easily frightened and runs away a
good deal. 80 be gets there just the ss ms. "
Detroit Free Press.
**x
In spite of the collapse of the Chicago
concern, match making will go on just as
usual.-Butdlo Egpress
x*x
"Why do you wear bloomers?" be
asked.
SWELL" she replied thoughtfully, 81
hi h kSnhk &c
- Chica0o Post.
II wouldn't believe the witness on his
oath, your Honor" said the lawyer.
estate your reasons" said the Judge.
"Been in Georgia two years and says
he never ran for office. ."-AtlGntG Consti-
tuition.
II haven't seen Mr.. Highly at the camp
meeting.''
mo. he says be can't feel spiritual
with SO cent shirt on. - Chicago Record.
x*x
a." said the large, fat person, with the
large, fat diamonds, Il am self MADE
man."
The angular gentleman with the sonred
air looked at him curiously.
''Must have been yonr first job, chr
he said Cincinnati Enquirer.
**x
"Have you watered the cattle ye'f
asked the farmer of his SOD.
mot head of 'em. ! beerd you soy
at the grange last night that any OF 'po'0
fellers caught watering stock ought 10 'e
sent to the penitentiary I'm takipS no
chances. ."-Detroit Free Press.
Nv
"Of COURSE" he said, "ef oairys "'uo
is sot, we'll have to get her bicycle
but, durn me-p
He paused and soowled sngrily'
81 500 the ,se of payin' hundred
dollars lest fer an excuse fer wearin'
pants. Chicago Post
M, l;ttle hov. when two years of age, |