The herald., 1896-01-28
HUTCHINSON PHILOSOPHERS
And Incidentally, as Is to Be Expected,
Kicks
The Fool Killer Should Resume Business, if
Only on Half Day Shift-Auti
Secret 1eetings


recently broke out editorially as follows:
"A most unnatural alliance is that re-
ported as having been formed between
Russia and Turkey. Russia is distinctively
a Christian nation, and between Moham-
medan and Christian nations there is an
avowed and uncompromising hostility.
Political expediency makes strange bed
fellows.'
"Avowed and uncompromsing hostility"
for what? Truly this is rich specimen of
ore from some alleged Christian mine of
humanity and good fellowship.
Two innocent and honest children born
in different countries are to be "avowed'
enemies because they have different teach
ers; because the keepers of their religious
mysteries have different titles; snd nations
| are to behave likewise.
Now Mohammedan camels must cease to
carry Christian silk and pagan ivory and
beastly idolatrous gum arabic, and the
pious Christian must cease to drink the
wicked Mohammedan coffee and the
buddhist tea, and the pagan spices must
be dumped INTO the sea. The Christian
must shoot the Mohammedan on sight, If
he can, because the latter unfortunate has
not heard of the religious doctrine of the
former, and has not adopted it without
hearing OF 1.-THE depraved beast
If the meek and lowly One would only
allow the fool-killer to resume business,
even on half day shift, many darkly
| mysterious spiritual matters would be
made much clearer to future generations
than they can ever be while the taint of
idiocy is so plainly visible in the human
race as it is at present.
l have often thought what q paradisiac
city this would be if those who are perse-
cutting the Rev. Burt Estes Howard were no
worse than he is and had done no more
evil in this suffering world than was ever
| charged to him.
| A crowd of alleged reverend gentlemen
| have lately made an indiscriminate attack
on secret societies and have fguratively
condemned them all to perdition. l Won
| der that they do not condemn the family
| for keeping its sacred secrets, the court,
the lawyer, the jury, the family doctor for
| keeping their secrets, the government for
keeping its secrets, and the Creator for
keeping his secrets. have been boarder
in other mems families for ten years, and
| before give up their secrets l will suffer
on the rack and to the death
| l know all the secrets of the Knights of
! Pythias, the Knights of Labor, the Knights
| of the Maccabees, the Odd Fellows, the
Rebekahs, and the 1. o. o. f. encampment.
| If all these people are to be condemned
| to hades and all their teachings are to pre-
vail in that classic country, want to be
with them forever
If 1t were not for the almost infinite
ramfications of modern secret societies
with their fraternal influence, this ir-
religious civilization would go to pieces
like powder house on fire.
| If there be one jot of evil in the teachings
| t<>f T ,aI / tn, Ia
| in a powder house to set it on fire.
Count all the real charities that do good
and all the disinterested friendships that
| act in all America in one year outside OF
secret societies, and will overbalance il
all by statement of what is done in the
same time by the secret societies of this
one city we dwell in.
Our public library needs about 100000
more books. I filled three cards with
numbers few days ago, before found a
book wanted, and [ saw one man ask for
| more than thirty without finding one OF
them. We have about $4,000 books. but
we read %, 900 month. An average like
this is healthy sign, but we need more
books.
| Railroad accidents are still too numerous
! for our good. They can be prevented.
| They are almost unknown in Europe.
would promise that if should ever be bru-
tally MANNED, as Mr.. Dimmick of this city
was, l would use a Winchester where it
would do the public the most good-in the
eradication of a few careless criminals.
| Since our city churches are but hundred
in number, and will not accommodate all
who flock thither-tra, la, la-so that the
streets are literally crowded with singing
and kneeling congregations to the great in
convenience of the travelling public, we
| should widen our streets to accommodate
both the devout public and the would-be
passer-by.
An uncle of mine, the late William Lit
tleboy of this city, and Louis James, the
actor, were boys together, and we're young
soldiers, messmates, and good friends and
partners in whatever mischief was allowed
in Grants army in the dark days before
| Petersburg and Richmond,
Louis James was then the same iovial,
kindly soul that pleases us still, and his
share in the escapades would fill volume.
| Yours truly. EDWARD HUTCUTSON