Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-12-16

est boxes-an operation which was
watched with interest by several of the
callow youths colleagues-a bright, new
steel spade came to view. "Heho!.,
Il thought" replied in all innocence, the
youth-''I thought | might do little gold
digging in my leisure hours!''-We stmin-
ster Gazette.
She."How far can your an' estry be
traced"
'Well, when my grandfather resigned
they traced him as far as China; but he
got away"
A certain teacher of class in a mis-
sion Sunday school has q difficult task
imparting scraps of religious instruction
to her young charges, and often aims
ing answers are unconsciously returned
to questions which she asks. On one
occasion she asked her pupils:
What do the high priests do?"
And received the reply:
"They burned insects before the peo-
pie"
But one of the funniest experiences,
which well shows the queer ideas which
the children receive in their lessons, was
given when, after a discussion of snip
wreck which followed a lesson three or
four weeks previously on the we'll
known story of Jonah and the whale,
she happened to ask:
Suppose big storm arose at sea, and
it looked as though you were going to be
drowned, what would you do?"
Il would throw a man overheard for
the whale to swallow" was the reply
London Figaro.
An Irishman entered public house
lately, when the following conversation
took place:
Pat--'Good-morning, landlord
Landlord "GoOd-morning, Pat!"
Pat--"I was draining of you last
night"
Landlord "Were you?'
Pat-"Yes; [ dramt you offered me a
pint of beer and a glass of whisky"
LandlOrd-"Oh, indeed! But you
know. Pat. dreams always go the re-
verse way"
Pat-"Very well, sir, I'll have a pint
of whisky and a glass of beerv'-London
Answers.
It is said that Gen. Skobeleff. on the
eve of the battle of Plevna, offered to a
Polish Jew the choice between 100
rubles and the cross of st. George for
having saved his life. Said the young
is it worth, the cross of st. George?"
Replied Skobeleff: My good fellow, 1T is
not for the worth of the thing. but
for the honor that I offer it
to you. The cross itself is
worth no more than FIVE rubles.' The
answering: well, then, I'll have the
cross of st. George and 90 rubles."
-:O:-
Shaw-"Im sending out my errand
boy for some good old wine.'
Banks-"Don't go to that expense
Tell him to buy new wine. 1t will be
old enough when he gets here with it."
He-"How charming you look, DEAR in
that dress! 1t becomes you admirably"
She-"Oh, yes; that's q very old story.
When the season is changing, you al
ways discover how charming | am in my
old clothes!'
Mr.. Kipling, says the New York Post,
frankly gives away, in his volume 1.-The
Seven Seas" the secret of his method of
writing verse:
When 'Omer smote is bloomin' Tyre,
He'd card men sing by land an sea;
An what he thought e might require
E went and took-the same me!
The market-gir,s an fishermen,
The shepherds an the sailors, too,
They card old songs turn up again,
But KEEP it quiet-same as you
They knew e stole; e knew they knowed.
They didn't tell, make fuss,
But winked at 'Omer down the road
An e winked back-the same us.
Mr.. Fussy-'I don't see why you
wear those ridiculous big sleeves when
you have nothing to fill them"
Mrs Fussy-"Do you fill your silk
hat?
The mistress of a certain Virginia
household has long held that the one and
only way of achieving perfect coffee was
by mixing it-one-third Mocha, one-third
Java and one-third Rio being her recipe
never to make the beverage except by
this rule. Of late, however, the coffee OF
this household has not been quite SO good
as usual. For morning after morning
has it seemed somehow to lack it's for
mer excellence. At last the mistress
asked the old darkey cook how she
mixed the coffee nowadays. 'Oh, jes' ez
you tell me. Miss Fannie" was the an
sWer- "Jes' ez you tell me. | use one
third Mocha and one-third Java, same's
you alters do But said the mis-
tress. where's the other third? dat
udder third, Miss Fannie? Oh, it amt
muffin but dat low, no count Rio. ye
know; SO | jes' leaves dat udder third
out.
H G.. Peterson, workman at the cot
tonseed mill of Paris, Tex, owns Il dog,
Nick, that can tell the time of day. 1t
is Nick's duty to take his masters din
ner to him in a little pail every day, and
should Mrs. Peterson by any mischancc
overlook the matter the dog IS sure 10 re-
mind her in proper time by bringing the
bucket and urging her to fill it. At first
it was supposed to be the dogs intuition
merely that enabled him to know the
hour, but he has many times been seen
watching the clock, and once, when Mrs.
Peterson set the. hands ahead to test the
matter. Nick brought the dinner pail
promptly on the stroke of u, though in
reality it was only II.
Nick is as familiar with the whistles
at Peterson is himself, and always sees
to If that his ma Ster is awake Of the