The morning times., 1896-04-03
CAPITAL CITY SKETCHES.

II has been ''the Avenue'in the parlance
of Washingtonians since the days OF the
carly capital; only strangers call it Penn
sylvana avenue, not kno wing that it is
unnecessary TO distinguish the famous
,boroughfare from scores of other
avenues
A public functionary ut the Pennsylvania
railroad station, whose business it is to
ans wer upwards of 10000 questions a day,
occasionally forgets TO qualify his directions
10 visitors, ana tells them that such and
such Store or place OF business Is merely
on 1.-The Avenue at this or that corner.
Then they stare ut him, he suddenly re-
members that he is giving directions TO
strangers, ana he tells them the place is
on Pcnnsylvania avenue. The public official
IN question tells a story:
"A young fellow came fTcm Il Southern
train yesterday and asked me where the
Corcoran Art Gallery was. told him it
was OH the Avenue north side, about ten
squares up. and nj the same time pointed
the general direction with my hand.
This morning he came rushing through
here TO take u tran. As he went by me
he stopped long enough TO say: old man,
you sent me on nice chase of about two
miles yesterday aud landed ME IN a
no wiling Wilderness
He thought the street here by the station
looked like the alleys they call avenues in
his city, | suppose, and ten squares on that
street doesn't bring a person to the very
best part OF the town by any means
The Joy OF coasting and other forms OF
snow frOiic so seldom come to the tempered
climate of Washington that even very
little snow is utilized TO the fullest adyant-
age.
SO it was that a few days ago when two
inches OF wet snow covered the District
OF Columbia Two Old men scrambled youth
fully in an alley on street northwest
ANA cackled uproariousIy as they pelted
each other with snowbalis.
Each wore a silk hat and as it happened
to be raining slightly each shielded himself
with an umbrella. A small crowd ga thered
on Tire side 10 watch t he fun. At last
at the very height of the unusual froiic one
or the men threw an uncOmmonly large
SnOvba with unerring aim at the middle
OF the silk umbrella ten feet away. The
proIecticle did not stop until it had wrecked
the umbrella and sent the owners tile spin
ming across the sidewalk. Then the two
Old men shook hands, eibOwed their way
laughing through the crowd, and disap-
peared around the next corner.
But they walked under the same UNI
brelIa.
Mfr. Capitol Hill remarked to his wife,
as they seated themselves at dinner the
other night that he had Just met their old
acquaintance. Jack SmartIeigh, on his way
from the office. He hadn't seen him for
long time.
20, think that man is unbeara ble," re-
marked Mrs. Hill. YEARLY. what did
he have to Say?'
Why. he said he hadn't seen or heard
Of US for year, until he caught a glimpse
or you on F street yesterday and he
thought you were the prettieSt woman in
that Easter bonnet he'd seen in the whole
year.
did he, indeed. Capitol, why don't
you invite him up todinner sometime?''
Six men were telling stories in the
smoking room of the Metropolitan Club
the other evening. One OF the narratives
or nice originality must be credited either
to the man who told ii or To q wag so
remote from Washington that his tale
has not yet become part OF the hackneyed
yarns which find place in every yarn-bee
preacher. according to the story was
describing the glory and terror OF the last
judgment. An Irishman entered the church
as the clergyman came to the point in his
discourse where he described the separa-
tion OF the good and the bad
ION the right hand shall st and the
sheep. on the left hand the goats said
he. following reverently the ScripturaI
verbiage. But there words failed him. He
was silent for a moment but too good an
orator not to cover his embarrassment
with one of the pet and effective tricks
of oraiory-repetition.
'On the right hand, dear brethren will
stand the sheep, and on the left the goats"
stu, the facile ina ginat ion failed TO
stimulate the tongue further. He was
baked. lie coughed. but could not cough
new idea. His wandering eye found no
inspiration in the faces or his congregation
he could squeeze none from the pulpit
rail. which his nervous hand clutched. He
had recourse again to device. and re-
peated:
Bear in mind, dear brethren on the
right viii stand the sheep, on the lert the
goats
The impressive silence that followed
the triple insistance on this presumably
important point was broken by the voice
or the lrshman. in the rear. whose curl
osity mad overcome him, and prompted
him to call out:
III be goat-what's the jokea''