Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-08-09
THE SAD SEA WAVES
THE rpLEa wisrFUILy WATCHES
mAmEss IN SETTING SURF.
WIRED FOR HIS OpRRA-GLASSES.
He was a Littie shocked ut First,
Bus Now INDUCES Himseif-He
purixcs the ocean for Cucumber
PfcIxies-Lovely Nights.
shell-studded Beach. n. W,

Dear Editor: The SIS accumulated by me
IN my pieco OF hosiery Is now being spent
at this resort, and several young dry
goods clerks and myself are having
dashing time. Though our finances are
limited. and we must necessarily pro-
coed carefully TO anticipate the costs,
no one can say that pleasure Is not our
lot. The ocean here is the largest have
ever seen, and the sunshine unlimited
at least from A. NJ. to p. NJ. We have
daily three square meals-and OIL such
meals--while the nights come regularly
after O'Clock. Our genial proprietor
has kindly allowed me rebate Of "a per
week. because make myself agreeable
10 tho ladies. 1 earn my money, for the
lame. the blind, the palsied. and the man.
hunting have been assigned to me. and
all the rest OF the world forsake them.
/ contemplate throwing up the contract.
and most assuredly viii do so IL 1 happen
10 get seasick on one Of my yachting
trips. I am willing to 90 most anything
10 reduce expenses. but the job I now
have viii reduce me to a skeleton before
j save the first four dollars. There wards
OF mine abandoned all matrimonial hopes
just after Lees surrender, and now, in
their lemoned spinsterhood, they are run
ming race with and outclassng time.
They have tried every watering place in
Christendom, and have transferred their
fossilized remnants from resort TO resort,
until they are known and avoided from
the Atlantic 10 the Pacific. Death Is
afraid to tackle them. and so they live
on. II is only when these precious charges
are otherwise engaged that l can really
crack my heels in the exuberance OF free
dom. but then, verify 1 disport myself.
j am glad my wife's health. combined
with the perishsbility OF my $2S
necessitated her staying at home One
can never tell what might happen TO q
woman.
In my opening verses / alluded 70 the
large ocean we have here. The proprie-
tor of the place, who as / have before
animated, is a man of great heart and
financial brain, declares that when he
opened the resort lie determined to have
ocean enough for everybody, and faith
fully has he accomplished the object
There is. however, I regret TO say, leak
somewhere In IL, for when i trip down
the sand in the morning notice that
the waves have receded at least 30 feet.
Our host declares that this waste shall
not be charged up TO his guests. He
never loses an opportunity to extend such
little courtesies 20 Us. / was greatly sur
prised when / inadvertently opened my
mouth while executing my "dog-paddle"
in the pillows, 10 note that the water
was salty 1 was also surprised on this
occasion to note how much water there
was In the Atlantic, and what a capacity
had for the fluid. Ny life's helpmate Is
a great artist in plckle-making, and as
she has to soak her cucumbers in brine
some weeks before they acquire the
healthy asDerity OF manhood, ] wrote her
to ship them here so that I could utilize
the ocearf's salt We now have two boxes
anchored TO the buoys. and almost hourly
letters concerning their welfare reach
me. The family are looking forward with
eager anxiety to their return-with much
moro anxiety than TO my return-and as
the poet says: MANY an eye awaits their
coming, and viii look brighter when they
come" or words to that effect.
-
Ny sense of deccncy was greatly
shocked when / first saw the people
bathing here. To a man whose chief
natatorial efforts have been confined to
a vinegar barrel filled with water, the
ocean is no easy thing TO get used TO,
and then, furthermore to duffer who
doesn't go out In society much, It is
nothing short OF embarrassing to see the
limbs of three hundred ladies, all kick
ing up at once. Never shall forget the
day first strolled down the beach--in
fact, don't want to forget I'll While
busily engaged in picking up sea-shells,
which i intended TO blum off on the chill
dren as Cnristmas-gifts, / turned a
sudden curve in the snore and there
oh, how shall ] picture It'll My first
thought was that 1 hsd dropped in on a
wash-day at a female seminary; but then
concluded that the professors We're
washing. too. for l saw several men in
high-cut pants, who were frishng about
on the sand. How ] longed for a pro-
fessorship in that college! My next i'm
pulse was 20 run away, but after ma
fure refiection--that is. reflection as ma
ture as man with both eyes occupied
can produce-I determined TO linger in the
neighborhood. and to ostensibly continue
my recreation OF shell-gathering. | con-
graduated myself that my preacher was
In Europe and my family at home and
enboldened by these reflections / con-
tipued 10 gather shells by the bushel.
Nobody seemed TO be bothering about
me. and finally discovered myself seat
ed on the wishy-washy beach That
cay i missed my dinner. My appetite
had vanished before the chaos OF
twinkling hosiery which rfveted my
gaze. When evening came, and the sand
fieas had brushed their teeth for nights
repose, ] arose. and, going to the tele-
graph-offce, 1 wired home as follows:
Send my opera-glasses at once. Scenery
very beautiful, ana ocean fun of interest
ing objects"
When with the Romans one does as
the Romans-providing, Of course, he
has the collateral and can go their gait
so Il wasn't long before /. too, learned
70 utilize the ocean In place OF the vine
gar-barrel. When / first made the
plunge the hot bushes OF innocent girl
hood mantled my cheeks, for never be-
fore had / appeared in a costume so
neglige and so simple In its form. I'm
fortunately. the proprietor OF the bathing
suit establishment on the beach mad
vertentiy assigned me a garment which
had been intended for a 6-ycar-old: and
20. when ! started for the water would
fain have called cab or course. fol-
lowed the most roundabout obscure path
20 tho sea. ard when / made tho grand
Fntree into the dirt-killing liquid l heard
boots OF derlsion from the yuerile friends
who wallowed in the sand But, OH the
lndescribable. ticklish, bully-good feeling
that the juicy ocean afforded me when
( allowed the crested wavelets to splash
against my bulSarks ana on my star
board-side. While traversing the sub
marine promenade q large insect. with
much indeeision OF purpose and marked
backwardness in coming forward, saw
at 20 attach its personality 20 my great
zoe, and what followed was like ne after
effects OF a mue-kick The insect and
myself proceeded ashore as rapidly as
possible. ana there, amid the most un-
seemly giee OF divers urchins, we pro-
reeded TO break the combination. Those