The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1896-04-05


than set speech. so he started in with that
He hadn't gone far when each diner looked
at his neighbor in incrednlous amazement.
There were present some who had never
heard the Doctor before. and they asked
themselves IL he was the brilliant and witty
and original Depew. The Doctor was telling
story with intonation and facial play that
said very plainly. NOW, this Is a good ons
j am giving you. You don't want to miss
the point" As a matter bf fact. Il was such
dreadfully moldy old yarn that it was
generally thought the legal chestnut bell at
any rate, had tolled FOR its burial lons be-
fore.
1t was a story that the lawyers used 70
consider peculiarly their own. IL had 10 DO
with a member of the profession whose
name was Strange IL may not be quite 20
familiar to the general public as 10 the law
yers. and may as well be set forth here 20
speakers counseIoT strange and his wife
are supposed TO be having a conference as
to the things he wishes done after ne has
departed this life.
II want a headstone put over me. my
DEAR" says the lawyer. with the simple IN
scription, Here les an honest lawyer.
not wish his name put on tie headstone.
at will not be needed" he responds. FOR
Viii in w bly, remsrk. That's Strange
An Englishman who has heard the story
essays TO repeat Il TO his friend
Il heard a good one the other night, no
SAYS "a very good one indeed There was q
barrister by the name of-his name was
well, don't just think or the name now, 70
know: but it's Of no consequence whatever.
You see, he was telling his widow, that is.
| his wife-what 10 do after he died, ana no
says. 1 want the inscription on my monu.
| You'll get the point In a moment. It's very
| funny. Well. his wife SAYS. How In the
Sorid is that going to tel , Sso y 20" ar ths
Inscription will say. That's devilish sirgu-
When Dr. Depew sprung these two stories
on the big gathering Of LAWYERS they at
| first surprised and bothered. Light quickly
| came to them, however, and they roared so
| heartily at the joke they were having on the
| Doctor that the story teller thought they
were laughing at his production.
One time a man noted heightened edu-
| Gated beat called on Mr.. Depew TO strike him
| for an honorarium- The railroad president
did not give the man time 70 come TO the
point. but started out this way:
did ever tell you about distant relative
| of mine? Well, he was noted as a most won
derful liar and at matches I'm California ana
| other States he easily took the prize He was
| painstaking. and added that element OF hu-
NOR TO the uncertainty OF facts. which made
t hs n sx he a n0 WE weFs
frightened. We feared that when he recov-
cred his ingenuity as liar would be gone
But, strange TO say. his powers as liar
were greater than before. He told a story
which was down in his repertoire as NJ
| teen-minute recitation, and embelished II so
| Enlistment exceedingly, and. II you don't
mind, will relate Il 10 you"
The heightened beat arose and said haugn-
thy:
| hear after dsuner speech on the afhiction
| Of a relative. Good day.
DEPEw AND ELI PERKINS.
Mr. Depew and Eli Perkins were talking
one day about demand and supply. Perkins
| said the price of any commodity was always
| controlled by the demand and supply.
| mot always. Eli" said Mr.. Depew. De-
mand and supply don't always govern prices.
| Business tact sometimes governs them"
when did an instance ever occur" asked
| Perkins when the price did not depend
upon demand and supply"
Well sad Mr.: Depew. the other day
L stepped up 10 4 German butcher and. out
| OF curiosity. asked: What's. the price OF
| sausages !? 'Dwenty cents a pount.' he said.
You asked twenty-five tbs morning: l re-
minded him. Va. dat vas ven / had some.
Now ! ain't got some sells him for OWEN
| ty cents Dot makes me a reputation for
| selling Cheap, ind i don't lose holdings
You see / didn't want any sausages and
| the man didn't have any; no demand, no
supply: yet the price OF saasases went
/; Mr. Depew tells story OF the visit TO this
| country OF Charles s. Parnell. the famous
Irish leader. some years ago.
zone day" said Mr.. Depew, not long
| ago, II met soldier who had been wound
/ ed IN the face. He was Union man. and
| | asked him in which battle he had been
I'm the last battle of Bull Run. sir he
| replied.
!" But how could you get hit In the face
| at Bull Run? / asked
"'well. sir said the man half apoloeet,
ically, after had a mile or two got
careless and looked back "
| Mr.. DeEew once unloaded familiar dog
story on Eli Perkins.
When / was about fourteen years DID,
sad the raconteur. my father lived on
The Old farm UP at Poughkeepsie- One day.
/ after had finished a five-acre field Of corn.
/ ny father let me 60 TO town 10 see circus.
When IN town / for the first time a
| spotted coach dog. IL took my fancy and 1
| bought AZ and took IL home When father
| saw il his good old Puritan face fell
why Chauncey' he said. sadly. we
| don't want any spotted dog on the farm IL
would drive the cattle crazy
:" No he won't. father. | said, he's
blooded dog
| The next day Il was raining. and
| took the dog out IN the woods 10 try him
| on a coon. but me rain was too much for
| him 1t washed the spots on. That night
| took the dog back 10 the dog dealer With
/ a long face Said L: Look at that dog. sir
/ The spots have all washed or
! "'Great guns. boyr exclaimed the dog
| dealer. there was an umbrella went with
| that dog. Didn't you get umbrelaT
IL Worked Well.
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