The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-02-04
ST. JOHN IS SATIRICAL.
interviewed by ''JournaI'' Represent
tatiVe at OIathe.
SCORES TILLKAFS DISPENSARIES.

Mothers So Delighted That Their Sons
Can Now Get Drunk ON 20 Cents
Worth OfssPure'' whisky.
A representative of the JOURNAL asked
Ex-Governor St. John at Olathe yesterday
if he had read Senator Tillman's inter-
view in relation to the South Carolina
dispensary SYSTEM recently published in
this paper, and being answered in the af-
frmative, he was then urged to give his
views thereon.
The ex-governor paused a moment and
then, with a good natured smile, he
whiFled half way around in his office
chair, with a peculiar twinkle in his
eye, looking the reporter squarely in
the face, he said: young man, that
South Carolina dispensary scheme is i'm
mense The whole world ought to thank
Senator Tillman for his wonderful dis
covery and the alacrity with which our
good Governor Morrill, caught on to it,
ought to entitle him to a denomination
by ACCLAIM alton The distinguis he'd SEN
ator says that he lost one eye by hard
study in 1864 l am greatly surprised
that he did not studythe other eye out over
his state dispensary solution of the liquor
question. The system being very com
pIicated one, its beauties are not dis
cernable to the naked eye of the COM
mon herd at first sight, but as we dill
gently study paragraph after paragraph
of the senator's interview and observe
the statesmanlike manner in which he
gently unfolds its marvellous virtues, we
can readily see that it will not be long
until Kansas will cry for it.
81 was very enthusiastic over the SEN
ator's statement that there were only
seventy five state dispensaries in South
Carolina, but wet blanket was soon
thrown over nv enthusiasm when l dis
ba TTnifod
ment had issued during 1895 about 900
permits to persons to sell liquors at retail
in the state, thus giving about a dozen
joints or blind tigers to each dispen-
sary.
"The records also show that South Car
olina under her dispensary system had
more retail liquor dealers in proportion
to population than were to be found ia
either North Carolina, Alabama, Geor-
gia, Mississippi or Arkansas.
but was partly compensated for my
dam pened enthusiasm by the senator's
statement that dispensary liquor is sold
at greatly reduced price, Under this
new system bowling drunk will cost
but 25 cents, or three DRINKS for a half
dollar. 1t will be a source of real COM
fort to mother to know that her boy
will get the full worth of his money.
Besides. it will not only tickle the
free traders who believe in favoring the
consumer, but the senator tells us it will
drive out all violators of the law. This
is a splendid idea, and on the same prin-
ciple Kansas should at once free US from
thieves by lowering the price of horses,
so that it will not pay to steal them.
1.-The Senator also tells US that the
profit derived from the business is de-
voted to the education of the youth of
the state. So you will see that if we
can only introduce the system into Kan
sas, ali we will have to do, in districts
where the people are poor in this worlds
goods, will be to attach 'lien-to' to the
school house, and open up dispensary
to stimulate and enlighten the people,
and at the sams time turn an honest
penny into the school fund. But this
distinguished son of South Carolina
finally puts diamond mounted cap
sheaf on the whole business by giving US
the solemn assurance that the dispensary
has the most elevating effect on the NOR
ais of the drin hiking classes, and enables
them to get their liquor in an orderly de-
cent way These blessed institutions
when they come to Kansas. should be
known as Morrill, elevators
Under such a system our boys
cent way, and whisky. too, that would
have such elevating effect on
their morals, besides it would do
away with the blear-e eyed, red-nosed, re-
pulsive. drunken bloat aud give US in
lieu thereof. a class of clean, sweet
scented, weil-dressed, dignified, self
supporting, bright-eyed manly inc briates
Of whom every mother would be SO
proud, and feel forever grateful to Sena-
tor Tillman, for his wonderful discovery,
and to our own governor for bringing it
TO Kansas.
another encouraging thing in connec-
ton with this matter is found in the fact
that under the law, our governor would
be at the head of the whole business, and
therefore would make all purchases, and
being a Sunday school teacher, and a
holy man of God, would buy nothing but
pure Christian liquor, aud would com
mission none but church deacons to sell
it, and would see to il, that these holy
dispensaries, or Morrill, elevators, were
opened with prayer in the morning, and
blessed with the long meter doxology at
night. Why it would be perfectly lovely
especially the moral effect
"a woman told me the other day that
her husband had been out of joint
morally for years past. She has tried
the church, Sunday school, Y. NJ. c. A,
Epworth League, and Christian En-
deavor on him, but they didn't seem to
do him any good Now if she only had
set him all right There is nothing like
trying, anyway.
Had Senator Rogers drank this
moral liquor he would still be a uni
versity regent. Then it would not be a
bad idea to send barrel of it to the re-
form school-and also battle the peni-
Tertiary convicts in it, and a spoonful or
two might help the Pops, and finally, 1
would suggest the rubbing of a few drops
on the spinal column of the Kansas State
Temperance union. by all means give
US the holy dispensary, even though it
takes an extra session of the legislature
to get it"
Four Big Successes.