Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-10-08

good times aheadg
Tomley. Yes; I'm going to couple
Of picnics next week.
Mr.. Pussy don't see why you wear
those ridiculous big sleeves when you
have nothing to fill them.
Mrs. Fussy-Do you I'LL your silk hat?
HORSE AND HORSE.
He-Of course, am the only man you
ever loved.
She-No. But YOU are the only man
who ever asked me il you were.
AN INNooUoUs BIRD.
Young Lady THAT parrot you sold
me last week doesn't talk at all"
Dealer-"Yesm; you said you wanted
one that wouldn't be nuisance to the
neighbors,"
lie HAD NO SUCH INTENTION.
The Donor. Now don't go and spend
that in the nearest saloon.
The Recipient NO, sir, dere's better
one around de corner.
TOO TRUE TO LIFE.
"Why does the photographer have to
sue that rich young widow for his pay"
Because he took a dozen pictures SO
exactly like her that she refuses to SETTLE"
AS lie UNDERSTOOD n.
''Well, Tommie hear you've got
new baby at your house."
yes"
81 suppose it's red little chap isn't
itT
"No it's little yeler."
WILLING VICTIM.
Mrs Farmer-Now, tell me why you
don't work for "A living.
Weary Willie (sighing lady, you
see in me a victim OF environment
don't hev TO.
HAD TO SAY 1T.
Mr.. Poplegh-Wh hat would you think
il were to tell you that had been dying
by inches for you for years?
Miss Wanterwed--l should think tit
was very sudden.
SHE COULD FEEL, HOWEVER
"How was it that Mrs. Hightone was
run down by a bicycle IN broad daylight"
''Oh the man who rode the machine
didn't belong to her set, and Mrs. High
tone positively couldn see him, you
know"
TIE MODERN SPARTAN.
Nobody shall ever know how much
suffer-" she exclaimed, defiantly.
Turning to the obliging clerk she
ordered him to tear out the number tag
in each shoe.
LOVES YOUNG DREAM BLIGHTED.
'.Er-Miss Witherspoon, would you
er-like to change that name OF yours?"
"a believe in the present instance l pre-
fer to live up to it."
PREPARED FOR THE BEST.
Guest-Am the unlucky thirteener?
Host-No; you're the lucky fourteenerr
We invited you to fill the gap.
Guest-All right. I've brought it with
me.
NO INSTALLING HIM.
"Well, thars his mule" said the
farmer. ''but whar's the candidate?"
''How do you know it's candidates.
mule"
Because" replied the farmer, 'he's
done chawed up two fence rails, swallered
the gate, an is lookin' mighty hungry at
the barn door,"
NOT WORTH TEAR.
Young Wife-Oh, John, the rats have
eaten all my angel cake.
Husband-Wha hat! All of it?
Young Wife-Every piece! l feel like
crying.
Husband-Oh, pshawl Don't cry over
few rats.
EASILY EXPLAINED.
Eastern Man getting glimpse of St
Louis from the car windows My
gracious! What hive of industry this
must be-"
Fellow Traveller can Illinois Man,
sch? Wha-industry?
"Yes. Look at the dense clouds Of
smoke in every direction"
"Ohl That blows down from Chicago"
THE OLD STORY.
Great heavens What fierce look
that Bengal tiger has"
.'Fierce look? Come around to my
house and let me introduce you to my
mother-in-law. You have not seen her
yet"
MANS FAITHFUL FRIEND.
Weary Watkins--I don't like dogs,
gnerally, but one of 'em did save my life
once.
Hungry Higgins-Wot dog ever saved
your life?
Weary Watkins-He was one of these
here little pugs seen i'm trottin' along
behind woman an swiped i'm an traded
i'm fer drink.
TWO KINDS OF DRAWING MATERIAL
"Whats the trouble, John?"
"Why, sir, here's note from Mr..
Mahlstick In which he tells me that he's
off on little trip and he wants me to
send his drawing materials along"
."Well. and isn't that plain enough?"
Hardly. sir. don't think, sir, that
you know MIR. Mahlstick. / don't know
whether to send his paints and brushes or
only corkscrew."
FATAL oRAToRY.
epitaph on this tombstone. 1t says: "He
talked hisself to death" IIow's that?
Bronco Pete-That's right He called
Alkali Ike q liar.
KNEW ALL ABOUT 1T.
'My unfortunate friend" said the phi.
lanthropist to the ragged individual who
had asked him for dime 'you should
get something to do. Nothing so en-
mobiles a man as work. Have you never
experienced the feeling of satisfaction
which accompanies the consciousness of
something doneT'
lyon bet have" said the tramp.