davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
HUMOROUS.

Shelf would not marry you II
were 10 live to be 100 years old" He
swell, I should say you wouldn't II I
had anything to say in the natter
Indianapolis Journal.
--He-"Hear the duet Mr.. and Mrs.
Bacon are playing" She-"I hear Mrs.
Bacon playing the piano; that's ALL"
We'll, Bacon is playing the hose in the
yard."-Yonkers Statesman.
She (angrily)-"I was fool when
] married YOU" He-"Aren't you q.
fool still?" She-"No, I am not" He
"Then you should be thankful to me
for reforming you."-Tid-Bits.
For the life Of me-" said the young
man, II don't see why woman was not
born with the same capacity for swal-
lowing excuses that she has for ice
cream."-Indianapolis Journal.
His Winning Card.-"Why are you
going to marry that man, Laura? He
hasn't single quality to recommend
him!" ''Oh, yes, he has, Cora. He is
the only man I ever saw who knows
how to carry an umbrella.
Free Press.
-Drummer-"You must have seen
many strange things in your time, I'm,
Gle Reub." Uncle Reub-"Most every
strange thing there be, guess, b'gosh!
I've lived here in Overbehind, man an
boy, for so years, an my eyes amt been
shut, stranger."-Exchange.
Lady with Alpenstock -"I can
never reach the top of this mountain"
Guide-"But, madam, see-there are
those ladies on the summit" Lady
Eyes, know-but they are Chicago
women who live in the top stories in
apartment buildings!"-Chicago Rec
ord.
Its real mean," said the Amazon,
Indignantly. There ought to be some
sort of restriction to prevent such a
thing in civilized warfare" what do
you mean?" zone of the scouts has
just come in. She reports that the
enemy is making arrangements to use
trained Observation-Disclosures Star.
-Grandpa's Explanation.-A small
boy who had heard good deal of con-
versation on the progress of civilization
went up to his grandfather and said:
Grandpa, tell me what is the difference
between barbarism ard civilization 2"
Barbarism, my boy, is killing your
enemy with Ratchet distance of
step; civilization is killing him with a
bombshell IL miles away'-Chicago
Times Herald.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
FOR YOUNG PEOPLE.
MARoERYs THOUGHTS.

Dear. dear. what a pity. I've nothing but
legs.
For legs are such stupid slow things:
Row why wasn't made like those beauti-
full birds
Who are flying up there on their wings
Now when go home must trudge UP the
hill.
And then I must climb the stone wall,
And as likely as not shall scratch both
my knees.
And perhaps get a terrible fall.
But then. I suppose II God made me bird
/ should have to eat worms for my food:
And think that I'd really like bread and
milk best,
For don't believe worms taste as good.
And then in nest suppose should sleep.
And give up my pretty white bed.
And, oh, for a pillow, just feathers and
hairs
Would be all I'd have under my head.
And when in the morning got up to battle.
Why, what should / do for a tub?
And, what should l do for coarse towels
and soap
When needed to have a good scrub7
Well. really I'm glad that God made me =
child.
guess it's the best thing to be:
And perhaps now those birds are all look
ing down here.
And wishing, each one, he was me.
Herbert jerks. in Our Little Ones
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
adding water and heating over spirit

adding water and heating over spirit
lamp.
The Florence flask, used by the Ital-
ians principally for putting up wine, is
round bottomed and covered with
wicker work. AS soon as the water in
the flask becomes heated streams OF
fire issue from it in the shape of mir
iature skyrockets. If the heat be re-
moved and reapplied three or four times
the upper surface of the flask becomes
dry and the particles adhering to the
side of the flask scintillate like stars
emitting brilliant rays, and many of the
stars will shoot from side to side. Such
exhibitions as these are strenuously
condemned by practical chemists.
Durand Woodman, one of the leading
chemists in New York, whose attention
was drawn to the subject by the writer,
said: Tricks and games in which phos
phorus is used should not be INDUCED
in by persons who are not used by long
experience to handling such stuff.
Phosphorus is one of the most danger
Gus commodities which we have to
handle, and should never be used for
amusement purposes, or in playing
tricks, unless by chemist or some one
else thoroughly familiar with its use.
''In parlor magic games, If it must be
used, a large kettle full of water should
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
Saluting the Flag.

Coffee is now served out, and for IS
minutes the sailors sit and sip it before
beginning the morning work of scrub
bling decks and cleaning ship. This
work should be finished by five minutes
to eight, when the bugle sends the first
call for colors. Upon which the quar-
termaster bends on thu flag to the hal
yards of the flagstaff at the stern, and
a signa!-boy does the same with the
"jack" at the bow, and bCsh stand ready
to hoist them at eight o'clock. A little
period of waiting follows, and then
eight orlock is reported by an orderly
to the officer of the deck, who sends the
orderly to report it to the captain.
Presently the orderly returns and re-
ports:
"The captain says: Make it, SIR"
Thsreupon the officer of the deck or
ders:
"Solnd Off"
Then ring out the clear, majestic notes
Of the salute to the flag, while all men
abouj the deck face IL as il scars with
dignity aloft and floats out to the morn
ing breeze, officers and men touching
their caps in reverential salute as it
comes to rest and the music dies away
in long, full notes.-Lieut. John NJ. FL
licott in st. Nicholas.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
THE ARTFUL DODGER.
Appropriate Name Given to n Lazy Horse
That Played Lame.

Some horses are as lazy as some men,
and perhaps it would be equally true to
say that some horses are as cunning as
some men; but not many ever combine
the two qualities of laziness and Gun.
ming better than one whose perform
ances are chronicled by Lady Barker.
He was one of her horse friends in New
Zealand, christened Artful Dodger.
This name was given to him on ac-
count of the trick of counterfeiting
lameness the moment he was put into
the shafts of dray. That is to say.
if the dray was loaded; so long as it was
out gayly, but if he found it at all heavy
he affected to fall dead lame.
More than once, with new driver,
this trick had succeeded to perfection,
and the Dodger found himself back
again in his stall, with a rack of hay
Eefore him, while his deluded owner or
driver was trying to find substitute in
the shafts.
In order to induce the Dodger to act
his part thoroughly a drayman was
one day appointed whom the horse had
never seen. he moment the SlRnal
was given to start, the Dodger, after u
glance around, which plainly said: ~
wonder if l might try it on your" took
step forward and almost fell down,
so desperate was his lameness.
The driver, who was well instructed
IN his part, ran round and lifted up one
sturdy leg after the other, with every
appearance of the deepest concern.
Thus encouraged, the Dodger uttered
groan, but still seemed determined to
do his best, and limped and stumbled
yard or two farther on.
1t seemed impossible to believe the
horse to be quite sound; but the mo.
ment had come to unmask him. His
master stepped forward, and, pulling
first one cunning ear, on the alert for
every word, and then the other, cried:
1T won't do, sir! Step out directly,
and don't let us have any nonsense"
The Dodger groaned again-this time
from his heart, probably-shook him
self, and, leaning well forward in his
big collar, stepped out without MUIR
mur
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
INDIANS AND TORNADOES.
Red Men Selected Chicago Site Because
Cyclones Never Touched 1t.

Red Men selected Chicago Site because
Cyclones Never Touched 1t.
I'm the speculation about cyclones in
Chicago" said Amos Kersey, a residen.
of Elmhurst, who has known Chicago
for almost so years, zone most inn
portant thing is usually overlooked. In
the ordinary course of nature there will
never be a tornado in Chicago. 1t is not
safe. The main thing is: Is it safe?
After that speculation is idle.
But you know that tornadoes nev&
visit localities where the Indians had
villages? They never do. There was AZ
Indian village at the mouth of the Chi.
cago riverwhen the first explorer came to
the portage. And tradition then said
that village always had stood there.
There has never been a cyclone in the
city. Sometimes they come within ten
miles, but they never wreck the city.
There was no Indian village on the
site of st. Louis, and cyclones have come
there repeatedly. The one in 1872 was
almost as severe as this one of Wednes
day.
you know. l only give you the facts.
suppose the course of storms, the chan
mel in which they travel, is as definitely
fixed as the course of the gulf stream or
the recurrence of the seasons. In pass
ing ages the people, however primitive,
will come to recognize these boundaries.
They will not make settlements III the
places where tornadoes come. They
will go to places where tornadoes never
have struck.
''By that system Of selection they
chose Chicago. They did not choose st.
Louis. Now, it may be the presence OF
the lake-though that scarcely seems
reasonable, as other lake cities have
been visited 1t may be the general fiat
character of the land, but Kansas and
Nebraska have suffered. and they are
as level. don't know why. l only
state as result of my observation and
study that sites of Indion villages are
never visited by cyclones. "-Chicago
Post.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
A Iardar Full of DaintIas.

Foxes are devoted parents, like oil Of
the lower order of animals, and the way
they provide for their young is some
thing amazing. 1t is related that one
fox in Scotland had developed such
a marked fondness for lambs that
efforts had TO be made to find her lair.
After long hunt the men succeeded,
and in tho den five young foxes were
found. They found also a store of food
calculated to last long while. There
were lambs, rats. curlew, plover, ducks,
cartridges, and, most astonishing of all,
rs short-eared owls. All the game was
dead, and the hunters soon dispatched
The young foxes, and also Mrs. Reynard,
when she approached her lair.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27

some day. He is possessed of all the
characteristics of his father, who Is
one of the learned men of the day. Lit
tie Gilbert is most ambitious young
chap.
Gilbert developed a strong liking for
athletics long before he had reached his
sixth year, and grasped every oppor.
tunity to develop his body. He was
particularly fond of running and walk
ing, but, as a matter of fact, he tried
his skill at everything. twas not until
last year that he was brought before
the public, the occasion being the in
door games of the preparatory classes
of the Berkeley school, held in the
latter's big gymnasium before large
crowd. Master Gilbert was entered in
nearly every event and was one of the
youngest competitors. He secured first
place in the one-quarter-mile walk, de-
feating boys three years his senioI
The latter performance encouraged
him, and he trained diligently for the
indoor games which were decided re-
Gently. At the latter games Gilbert Sc
cured two frsts and two seconds. In
the one-quarter-mile walk he again met
lads much older than himself, and had
10 be content with second prize. He
won the potato race, an event which
necessitates great amount of strategy.
The sack race resulted in another win.
and in the roller skating race he cap.
tured second place.
Gilbert's favorite distance is 100
yards, and next year he hopes to take
conspicuous part in the junior inter-
scholastic championship race at that
distance. He is a steady runner and has
excellent motion; he will be very fast
when he is fully matured. Gilbert has
recently shown great speed as BIZ
cycle rider, and is also an excellent mu.
stefan. Last, but not least, he is editor
in chief of children's paper published
in the interest of the Messiah home.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
FORGETTING.

-, often the cares Of yesterday.
TSe past with its ghost OF pain.
~ ~ IN to our burdened souls to-day
AZ and we bear them all again!
:, why should we worry and grieve In
mind?
r,s mast can return no more.
.r.sre better forgetting the things be-
And a, reaching to those before.
!. EATERS not what might have been;"
rhs great are the things to be;
"a the highest aim II to now begin
TO live for eternity.
man leaving the changeless past for aye.
'rTnrgetting its trials and tears,
~ out in the newer. brighter day
AN And live in the coming years.
psv. c. owen harrison. In N. w. Christian
Advocate.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
Just q Bit Serious.

Life is like little picture surrounded
10y an intolerable deal of margin.
Men generally love gold for the evil
that they can do with it; seldom for the
good.
Confidence is often preferable to clev-
erness. -
Talk il you wish to make enemies;
II you wish to make friends, listen.
Knowledge is always dissatisfied; con-
tcntment is the privilege of ignorance.
Poverty has generally to pay 40 shill-
ings in the pound.
There are three classes of literary peo-
pie; the first is obtrusive, the second is
obscene and the third is obscure.
In youth it is passion more than van
ity which makes man wish to win n
woman; in middle age it is vanity more
than passion.
This is the keynote of philosophy to
realize the unimportance of being i'm
portant and the Importance of being
nimportant.-London Truth.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
PHOSPHORUS MAGIC.

A Popular Amusement Which Is Full OF
Danger and Perils.
Parents, school principals and others
are just beginning to realize the dan
ger attendant upon the practice, which
is becoming quite too common, Of using
phosphorus as an agent for playing boy
ish pranks, or for the purpose of max
ing miniature fireworks in parlor
magic shows. 1t is also frequently
used in ''hazing' tricks by college boys.
and is freely sold and recommended by
amusement promoters.
1t is generally prepared for such pur-
poses by placing a half pint of solid
phosphorus in pint Florence flask.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
CHAMPION BOY ATHLETE.
Has Record for Walking and Running
That IL Unbr0kon.

Has Record for Walking and Running
That IL Unbroken.
All the famous athletes Of the present
day were heard of when they were but
children preparing for. the academic
course, but none of them has been so
prominently heralded as Gilbert White,
the eight-year-old son of DR.. White,
who conducts the Berkeley school,
where young men arc prepared for col
lege, and where Gilbert is in attend.
ance.
This athletic youngster, says the New
York Recorder, is an excellent example
of the muscular young American, and
gives promise of being famous man
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
Little schoolmas.ers of wisdom.

Inspiration, like death, always comes
unexpectedly.
Many young men of to-day need
guardians rather than wives.
The sneer of cynic and the bite Of
q lamb are alike harmless.
The softest thing in the world is the
hand of woman when il caresses.
Generosity often follows the posses
sion of riches, but riches are slow in
coming to the generous.
How much of sorrow would be pre-
vented IL regret could precede rather
than follow wrong deed.
1t is always best to avoid controversy
with two kinds of people-those who
cannot understand you and those who
will not.
If common sense were sold by the
yard, like ribbon, there would be found
many who did not possess enough sense
to buy it with judgment.-Ladies'
Home Journal.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
A Hint.

He-Don't you suppose the wild waves
arc BEGINNING to say something down
at tn, seashore?
Sh.--I don't know. do know what
the Winds are saying, though I don't
thinl you do"
"N. What do they say?"
"voo!"-Cincinnati Enquiries.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27

Despair is like forward children,
who, when you take away one of their
playthings, throw the rest into the fire
for madness. 1t grows angry with it
self, turns its own executioner, and re-
venges its misfortunes on its own head.
-Chayrop.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27

always be in position beneath the bottle
containing the phosphorus, so that if
the flask should break the fiery fluid
would be caught in place of safety.
There is always more or less danger
from the skyrocket-like particle which
energies from the neck of the bottle
One of these small, fiery particles might
light on woman's dress and set her on
fire in moment. Again, IL the neces-
sary precautions are not taken, the bot
tie might break and the phosphorus
spread all over the floor, causing Sc
rious conflagration.
mo chemist could conscientiously
recommend the use of phosphorus for
any such purposes" he concluded.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27
A Bit of weather Philosophy.

whether It's wet,
Whether It's hot,
We have to weather II
Whether or not
So runs the philosophic entry In .
Devonshire visitors' book.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-27


your father now. 1t would be so much
better in case-anything were to hap
pen to me-"
"Oh, Marion, there's no danger, is
there?"
Probably not. But you can't always
be sure. You see, it would be better
to have it over with if 1 should get
hurt"
"You won't, I'm sure you won't.
Don't tell him yet, Marion, please don't,
and oh, don't get killed! Do you think
the black butterfly meant anything
do your"
"Of course not. Lucia, I'm doing
wrong to give in to you, know it, and
but here comes Murray; he mustn't
catch me here. Good-by, little girl,
good-by. 1 wish you were Drawer.
Adios!"
Taunton ran down the steps, and,
keeping in the shadows of the build
ings, strobe off to the troop quarters. And
the girl stood there in the darkness,
looking with wide eyes up at the sky,
where gray, thick clouds drifted to-
gether and apart, showing patches of
starry, black heavens, and COW
ering them over as quickly. The
cottonwoods rustled in the wind,
and her hair blew over her
face, all damp and clinging. She bent
her fan until one of the sticks snapped,
and started at the sound. She turned
about and looked at the barracks where
+ troop was making ready TO depart
, 1896-09-30

an instrument in promoting the development
of the unlimited natural resources Of China
for the benift of mankind at large
"FinaIly, ! ~reiterate my thanks for the
hospitality and generous treatment displayed
toward. me and | reafirm my hope that the
interchange Of views that has taken place may
be beneficial not merely to Great Britain and
China but to the whole world"
An interesting interview took place Mrs.
hof 1t. sister of the late General Gordon,
was Introduced, and she presented to the
Ambassador a book, whereupon Mr.. 10 Feng
Luh, said, '1he Viceroy thanks YOU very
much for the cops Of General Gordon's
Travels and he wishes to make some IN
qniries abeut YOU"
Mrs. Moffatt: 81 thank his Excellency very
much for the honour he did to the memory OF
my brother by putting a wreath on his
statue in Trafalgar-squa:e and on the cenotaPh
ia St. Paul's Csthedral.'
LII Hung Chang: General Gordon was q
most intimate friend Of mine and could not do
otherwise than show my respect for his
memory IN some such FORM
Mrs. Mofat In one OF the letters of my
brother which | have. he says Your Excel
lency is a man for whom no would lay down
his life
Tie Viceroy then asked how many children
Mrs. Moffat had, and she answered: Eve sons,
one aged twenty-lou and the other twenty
six"
Lii Hung Chang: "You have two such good
children you should enjoy yourself" (Laugh-
ter)
Mrs. Moffatt: Il thank your Excellency
very much"
In reply to other question, the lady added
that she lived IL Southampton in the house
which belonged to General Gordon.
Who are the relations of General Gordon
who survive him, except yourself.
Mrs. Motfat. One sister lives here.
, 1896-09-30
THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.
Daily Telegraph, 25h Aug

tissues and Prospects Of the Campaign"
from the subject of two articles contributed
Nv Senator w. Il. Chandler and the Hon.
Josiah Quincy to the current number of the
North American Review" Mr. Chandler
treats of the Republican claims. cit is sug-
gested Che SAYS chat the Republicans, in
order to Get Democratic votes for Mr..
Mckinley. ought TO moderate their tariff
notions and recognise the demand for honest
money as the paramount issue of The canvass.
This suggestion is not wise. A Republican
Congress. even with a clear, unconditional
majority for protection in the Senate, which
it does not seem possible 10 obtain, will not
he likely to adopt an extreme tariff measure.
But the tariff plank must stand as it is writ
ten, binding all Republicans. or we shall
lose more Republican votes than we shall
gain Democratic votes. On the other hand
q sound money Democrat can vote for
Mckinley on the currency issue without com-
hitting himself in the least to protection or
to any further connection with the RepubIi-
can party. What the PopuIiSts will do is at
the moment Of This writing quite uncertain.
Undoubtedly Bryan is their logical candidate,
for he has been of late more a Populist than
q Democrat yet Oh the other hand is Sewall,
the candidate for Vice-P President, who, al
though he theoretically tavours the free
coinage Of silver, is a millionaire who has
become wealthy in connection with protected
monopolieS. Even if the Populists consum-
mate their seizure of the Democratic party
and formally endorse their representative,
Mr.. Bryan, and accept Sewall as well, and
whether the fight in favour of Mckinley
is hard or easy, the result, it now seems. will
be an overwhelming Republican triumph"
Proceeding to discuss the money question
involved in the present contest, Mr.. Chandler
adds 1.-The issue, however, which have
admitted would be doubtful if simply and
sharply defined as enc between silver mono
metahsm on the one side, and either gold
monometallism or bimetallism on the other
is not to be the whole issue. That may ap-
pear TO be the issue in form. The real issue
IS substantially different. There is the added
fact that the great mass of the careful, conser.
vative and prudent people of the country
will be upon the side of Mckinley. while
practically all the Anarchists, Socialists. and
destructives in society will rush to the
support of Bryan. Mr.. Bryan cannot reject
these supporters, nor nulify the fatal effect
of their friendship by disclaiming sympathy