The Van Buren press., 1896-12-12
UNCLE EPHRaIM's SORROW.
1t Came On when He Found lie Had .
Bloomer Girl In Ills Own Family.

of rage. He stood on the eorner of
Broad and Marietta streets and it was
something more than Impotence that
caused him to toss his hoany head petu-
lantly, and snort like a porpoise in
ehoppy sea. 1t was not difficult to oh
serve that there was something OF more
than usual import weighing upon his
mind, as he was inclined to disregard
any questions put to him by several
white friends who gathered about. but
his plant was heavy and the spirit of
the old man sorely grieved.
II amt gwine TO do it, he said,
wagging his head from side to side. Il
amt gwine TO do it, an dat amt all l
low she'll git dem kernipshus neshuns
outen dat big head er hern 70 l gifts
dun wild her OATS what
"What's the trouble, Ephram % asked
some one, who had just stepped up.
Dat gal err mine; OATS what it am,
dat same new-fangled, butt-headed, out
dacious gal er mine; OATS what it am
whats the matter with her, Eph-
RAMP"
'Dat's what 1 say, an OATS what l
wants to llnow-what's de matter wild
her, an eff you kin sot yer head to fin
dat out won't AK no mo-"
The old man stopped, gave sudden
snort, and looked indiferently across
the street.
"All at once he broke out again:
4 b.a said In -,
de gals err dis day comm to, kase don't
know, an it takes a heap er studyin' in
de dicshunary to keep up wild desc
women folks.
~ amt got much book sense. kase
dey didn't hab none er desc here niger
colleges an SIGH lac in my day; but l
low dis, dat skule larnin' amt gwine do
fer gals, kas it makes 'em worsen er
mule colt in de green pastur.
''Dar's dat gal er mine what Jedge
Andy TUX an sent to de stoelade, an
den she up an ak me if | amt gwine pay
dat fin. No, sab, l amt gwine do it
twill she take out some er dem monkey
noshuns what she got out dar at de
skule and endurin' err de exposishun.
She gifts out dar, she did. wild all dem big
headed niggers what talk erbout dis.
an talk erbout dat twill dey don't
know what side dey 'sputin' on. AK
her what de matter, an why de name
er Cord she come prancin' roun' wild
her head histed lac she got one er desc
here race horse bits under her chin.
Den she switch round sam as er
cow what got wolf on her back. an
she say;
"'Pa, Use err member er de Sassiety fen
de Elervashun en- de Kulud Ginerashun.'
Oats what she say, an | low l ele-
waite you wider lightood knot eff you
sling SIGH stuff as dat outen dat big moui
eryourn. An dat amt all; here she come
er trottin' an er switchin' an she say,
she do:
"'Pa, Ise gwine ter ride er wheel
"Whar dat gal cher knows enything
bout gittin' ON one er desc tandrums, or
what-you-callem, 1 amt hearn tell, but,
boss, dar She wuz. Yassir, sab, she wuz
all done rugged up worsen er rope
walker on cirkus day, an I'll be gol
darned eff she didn't come out wild pants,
lac de men hab, 'ceptin' dey wuz big at
der bottom lac er balloon
81 say: Name err Cord, niger gal,
what dat?'
"Den she cackle same ez err settin'
hen:
"'Lordy, pa she say, desc am
boomers what ladies wear ridin' down
Feachtree. All de folks what keep up
wild de times has boomers
Oats all l wants, mon. grab hol
ter de seat er dem pants an l fotch dis
here hick'ry stick down lac en- batterin
ram.
Boomers, seq I'm make you
bloom lac er mornin' glory in de sun
shine 70 l gifts fru."
But it was jos lac leepin' de sow in
de pen ez to hoI dat gal when she gifts
dem pants.
at wuz yistiddy when dey kotched
her. 1 hearn de perlice jist now tell all
bout how come it. Dey say she cum er
skeedaddlin' down Yallibamer jes' lac
de 'lectrie car. Dey tells de jedge how
'twuz she wuz er scorehin'.
"'Jedge,' SEE l, Il amt AK you ter turn
DAT gal loose, but what l AK is, jes' turn
me loose in de sam room wild her, an eff
[ don't make her scorch den you kin
pass de iedgemen' on me, too.
81 amt enquire fer muffin mo- en- ter
git dis ifs side dat butt-head er hein.
But Jedge Andy lie sorter laf to hisself
lac, an he argyfy dat dat same gal er
mine had ter pay five dollars an costs
CT git in de zebra Vaughn an go ter de
stockade.
Den she gin ter cry an she LUX at
me outen her eyes an she say, she does:
PA, pleas pay me out dis time an l
don't do lac dat no mo-
"Mon, it wuz all / could do to hof
mysef off er her. l amt sayin' muffin,
but 1 thinks pow'ful lots. No, sab, |
amt gwine pay it. amt gwiue do
it,"
The old man stopped, snorted again
and hobbled toward the Westview car,
which was approaching.
Oats what say bout desc here new
tangled folks" he said, "dey's worsen
mule colts in er green Pastur. Atlanta
Constitution.
His Answer.