Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-11-05
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De song birds. dey hab lef' de lam;
We doan' know whah dey's n;
But de eagle is a screamin' an
| De turkeys gittin' fat.
Washington Star.
"What Is the average life of a good
bicycle, SprocketsT well, some OF
them last until they are paid for
Chicago Record.
Scienticus-"Let me see, what Is tho
name of the instrument that records the
, pugilist's blow?" Jollicus-'I guess
you mean phoDograph."-puck.
"Folks dat is allus looiin' fob trou-
ble," said Uncle Eben, "hab jes' ono
ting ter brag erbout. Dcy doan' hard
ly eber git Observation-Disclosures
Star.
Teddy--"I tell you It's So" Nellie
II say it Is not" Teddy-"Well, man.
ma says it's so; and IL mamma says It's
so, it's so, even II 1t isn't so."-Harpers
Round Table.
Gentlemen" said the orator, ''this
crisis will soon be at an end" THANK
heaven" murmured an auditor; hes
going to stop talking" -Philadelphia
North American.
Mr.. Hojack-"Miss TenspOt must be
surprisingly beautiful" Mr.. Tomdik-
Indeed! What makes you think soT
"She looks well even IN an amateur
photograph.
do you suppose the telephone Will
ever replace the telegraph 1T may,
but NO matter what happens, it's safe
to say the telephone will have the
call."-Roxbury Gazette.
Teacher-"Anything Is called trans
parent that can be seen through. What
scholar can give An exampleY Bobby
-"De hole in de fence round de base
ball park" Herald.
II wonder why it is that young girls
like to maury widowers?" 1T is be-
cause they know that widowers have
been cured of their foolish illusions
about women."-Chicago Record.
Mrs. Mamma-If Lord Forgivus asks
you to marry him, tell him to speak to
me. Ethel-Yes, mamma--but II he
doesn't? Mrs. Mamma-Then tell him
that want to speak to him.-Truth.
Farmers Wife4-'T hope you are not
afraid of work?" Tramp (uneasily)-
II amt exactly afraid, mum; but l al
ways feels fidgety when there's any
thing like that about."-Boston Trav-
eler
The Financee-"Pm surprised at you'll
l saw you flirting with her! The
Fiance-I swear, Priscilla, you are
mistaken! Beauty has no charms
never had any charms-for me"-
Puck.
'.Say, Weary, wot are you waikiki
round in yere bare foots fer?" I'm
tryin' dis yer new Kneipp cure" "Wot
fer, Weary" "'Cause some dinblast-
ed snoozer stole me shoes!'-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
II am sorry I bought one Of those
doormats with Welcome on It." why
SOP" "Some stupid fellow mistook the
meaning Of the word and helped himself
to 1t the first night."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"There are no jokes like the old jokes"
Said the humorist blithe and gay.
"And the jokes that now find favor
Pleased the folks of another day."
Philadelphia North American.
what a superb touch that pianist
has" she gushed. II should, say he
had" replied her matter-of-fact escort.
II understand old Skinfiint has given.
up $500 to have him here this evening"
New York Press.
Mr.. Summer BOrde-Mrs. Skantfayre.
don't they say man should learn wis
dom from the ant? Mrs. Skantfayre-
Yes; don't you think he should? Mr..
Summer Borde-No; blindfolded man
wouldn't walk into butter like that
Puck.
Nell-"Miss Bjones uses French
phrases in the, most peculiar manner"
Bell-"Does sheT' Nellr-"Yes, indeedt
Why, at breakfast yesterday l asked
her how she liked her eggs and she
said they were very chick.
phia Record.
MARIA, hurry, for heavens sake! The
whole back part Of the house is gone
and the roof is blazing right over my
room! You haven't a second to loser
How unreasonable you are, Johnt l
haven't my overgaiters buttoned yetr'
Chicago Tribune.
Misunderstanding man / introduced
you to awhile ago is one of the most
noted hunters In the country. Birming-
ham-I wouldn't have thought it from
his conversation. Manchester-Its
true, nevertheless. He Is a fortune
hunter.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Voice at the Telephone-Mator. win
you please bring your family and take
supper with MS next Sundayp Servant
Girl (replies back through telephone
Master and mistress are not In at pres
ent; but they can't come to supper, as
it's my Sunday out.-Bosten Globe.
What is the complalnant's reputa-
ton for truth and yeracityY asked tho
lawyer. 1T Is generally good. think"
answered the witness. though In tell
ing about the size of the snakes he has
killed, he seems to be inclined to 60 To
almost any length. "-Indlanapolis Jour-
nal.
Weary Walker-Say, what makes Won
breathe so kind o. jerkin'? Born Tired
Amt you on to that? Weary Walk.
er-Naw, l amt. wot Is II? HORN
Tired-It's cause I'm SO humane
Thets what 1t Is. don't want to work
both me lungs at once.-Cleyeland
Plain Dealer.