The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-05-23
IN NEW YORK socIEIY
They Were Relatives BY Divorce. bat II
Matter Seemed Complicated.

They Were Relatives BY Divorce. bat tn,
Matter Seemed Complicated.
1t was their first meeting in severa'
years, and of course they had a grea'
deal to say to each other.
II have been so busy that / haven't
had time to study it out" said the one
in blue, ''but I think we are related in
some way now, are we not?"
"No, l think not, replied the one in
dark brown. "Where did you get tina,
idea?"
"Why, I had an impression that thu
second wife Of your first husband was
the first wife Of my present husband. ant
that would make q sort Of CONNECTING
link, you know"
POSSIBLY you are right, but we coulG
hardly call that a relationship. We car
come closer than that through your sec.
ond husband, who was q cousin, two o.
three degrees removed, of my present
husband, but even that does not make
any relationship. I think, perhaps, thai
yon have become confused on the sub.
ject Of alimony, which constitutes the
most direct connection. .
II never could get those compiled,
tons through my head. said the QUE IN
blue.
We'll" explained the one in darl
brown. "the alimony that you get from
your first husband is really just enough
to pay the alimony that your present hus.
bands first wife gets from him.
eyes. I let him have it for that pur.
pose."
"Then his first wife," continued the
mathematician in dark brown, "wa.
my first husbands second wife, and a.
he is paying md the same amount of ali
mony the money is simply transferred
TO me. That is where the connecsiar
comes in "--Chicagc Post.
Sticking to New York.
When the night tramp told me tina,
he was hungry and had no money to pay
for food or lodging-when he added
that he had walked the streets Of New
York day after day and could get nc
work-when he grew pathetic and de-
clared his readiness to commit suicide
if things didn't change, I halted and
asked:
"Why don't you get out of New
York;"
"Where'll I get to?"
go to the country j; go over in Jersey.
Any farmer will give you your keep for
what you can do while winter lasts"
"You tried it, did you?" he
queried.
"No."
"I'm sur Of that. Ihave, however,
and I know how it works. I land in
Jersey City. There's a policeman right
there who looks me over and yells:
"'Wot you a-doin here?'
"'Lookir fur work
"'Skip-git-travel, or it's three
months in Jail
81 gifts along up town." said the
tramp, land I meets another copper,
and he yells:
"'Wot is this I see before me?'
"'An unfortunate man a-lookin fur
job
"'Git-hump-skatei II you ain'
out O. town in half an hour. it'll be sia
months in the Jug
II gifts out O. town and into the coun
try. I sees the cows in the barnyards
and the sheep gambolin in the medders.
and l hears the farmer whistlin as he
splits fence rails or chops at the wood
pile. All is lovely, and l opens the gate
and walks in. and dog as big as a hill
throws me down and chaws me up
Then a woman throws a pail of hot wa
ter over me, and a farmer comes runnin
with a club and yells out:
"'Durn your hide, but what dye
mean?'
"'I'm a-lookin fur work.
"'What work?'
"'Any sort O. work
"'But thar hain't bin any work in
Jarsey sense 1860, and you orter know
it. Git up'n fly
"Then I goes along about a mile
farther and sees a Teller at his gate
smokin his pipe. He hain't got nc
milk O. human Kindness in his eye. and
so I'm passin by when he yells:
"'Wot's the matter with your
"'Nuthin.'
"'''Wot are you passin along here furp
"'A-lookin fur work '
"'Oh, you are! Waal. I've got it ful
you. Come along O. me-
He's a constable, and he takes mt
before a court at Elizabeth, and thu
jedge looks at me and SEE:
"'H'm! / see! Young man, hev yor
got a thousand dollars in your pocket?'
"'No, sir.
"'Hev you got money in the bank
a farln-own any bonds?'
emo. SIR
"'H'm! Worst case Of total deprav.
ity I've seen in five years! So You ar,
a lookin fur work-hard work.
"'Yes, sir.
"'Work to sweat the color outer youl
suspenders and make your ha'r curl?'
"'That's me, SIR
"'Then I'm overjoyed to know that
kin accommodate you. Prisoner at tn,
bar, stand up. You amt goin to stani
up to a drink, but 10 a sentence Of min,
months in the county Jail at hard work =!
"'What fur?'
EUR leavin a good thing in New
York and lookin fur work in New Jer
sey! Remove the caitiff IN. Quad il
Detroit Free Press.
Fighting Power.
The old Constitution could, wit