Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-04-09

| pelng frequently late for church.
one day local dandy walked m the
aisle somewhat after the time. and
| maze great deal Of unnecessary fuss
about finding seat.
,o Inc aggravated pastor stopped and
| Sazed at the offender, and then astoun6-
| ed the congregation by excIaiminc:
On, Jeest sit doom, Mr.. B.. Wen
see your new breeks (breeches) Kin the
kirk comes oot!'-Answers.
An English naval officer. whose shin
was stationed off the coast of Ceylon
| recently went off for q days shooting
along the coast, accompanied by a native
attendant who was well Acquainted with
the country.
Coming to particularly inviting river.
ne resolved to have: bath, and asked
the native to show him a place where
there, were no alligators. The native
TOOK nm n. to pool close to the estuary.
The officer thoroughly enjoyed his din.
and while drying himself he asked his
guide why there were never any ALI
gators in that pool.
Because. sah,' promptly replied the
C1ngalese, they plenty 'fraid of shark
Two ladies coming out of the Albert
hall, London, late sone foggy afternoon
were waiting with many others for an
omnibus.
Anxious to get in first, they stood on
the edge of the curbstone and, seeing
large vehicle coming towards them
IN the fog, rushed into the road, waving
Their umbrellas and crying, Stop
please. only to be greeted with peals of
laughter. and Take you next time la
dies from tie driver. 1t was the
prison van!
The unhappy pair crept meekly back
to the pavement amidst the delighted
jeers Of the crowd.
Father and son were inspecting the
museum at a certain town, when the
boys attention was fixed on stuffed
lion in a glass showcase, with blood pro-
ceeding from a wound in it's side.
Suddenly he exclaimed:
Daddy. how did they shoot the lion
without breaking the CLASP
Teetotal enthusiasm is not rampant
in some parts of the country, though
hard drinking is rarer than it used to
be.
An old gardener of ours used to have
tea and coffee sent out to him in the hot
weather.
''You find the tea refreshing this warm
day. don't you, Smith?" asked my moth
why, num- said Smith doubtfullv.
lone can drink anything this weather."
-:O:-
For earaches that are so common to
children just now, put few drops of
vaseline in a teaspoon and hold it over
the gas to heat. Hold the spoon in the
hollow of the hand for a second, and
when il ceases to burn you pour it into
the child's ear, making it lie on the other
a moment or two. Then put some cotton
in the ear. 1t will give almost instant
relief. for the heat is excellent and the
vaseline loosens up the dry wax IN the
ear.
A postoffice Inspector reports that in
the year 1894 letter was sent from
Norman to Wetumka, /. t., and only
recently the letter was returned to the
writer II seems that the postmaster
was appointed under the Harrison adj
ministration and when the change came
no one wanted the office, SO the Ola ap-
pointee was retained. The old gentle
man was shrewd business man, and
economy was his hobby. That char
acteristic got him into trouble. Along
in the early part OF 1894 letter was
sent from Norman to Wetumka. and as
time rolled on nothing more was heard
from it. 1t so happened that the people
in the vicinity of Wetumka would write
letters and never get answers. This
was borne for a SYear or two, but hnally
the pcople got tired of it enc demanded
an Investigation. The postotfice IN
spector came, went through the once
and found a sack nearly tut or lettcis'
the accumulation of about three years.
When asked why he didn't send the let
tors off. the postmaster replied that 1t
was foolishness to put the government
to the expense of making trip for just
that little bundle He thought he would
wait until the sack was full-Corr 81.
Louis Republic.
Young IDIOT who was fond of bras,
DINO that he was very well connected
aanG who frequently referred to MY
fr;and ord this" and My chum, LORD
that" was one day riding out with
friend. when the conversation turned On
fish. ....,, l,,o,r T
was dining at Lord IS the otner e NJ
ing, and ! was ss very cn m 4he table, 1ael'''s
..No need to be surprised. sald Ms
friend ."rhat was because trey haa
eaten it all upstairs.
rural visitor to London. deslrng a
dinner went to restaurant. ana When
ha had taken seat the waiter came up
and presented him with bill-of-tare:
"i ..I ook here. man." roared the woe
awake rustic, you don't cneat n;n.+
this for I be only just COON in. ! am
had had any of these ere things, ana ND !
sha'n't pay for 'em. l knows s e,aa
I'll get my dinner somewhere eis
And out he went
uhan Mr.. Tilden was occupylns tne
| ,,na nnn chair of the state OF New
EorL and had under consldera!lon ene
Judge PeeEham who rS Tns the ea5 adses
for the place s,on wda the ASSISTANCE Of
CLAW elalm' w ano at that time happened to- be
visitor a. a. that hat time everything seemed
a aaao"ahy to indicate the appointment as
sz the ean adg assq hed h no
questloli s.,, tsneyer. Sure enough, anoth-
chance nice, was appointed, and in the course
er n u;sila - came about that Gov. Illden