Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-05-07

We're living in funny age,
For now, with best intent,
Instead of boasting of their rise,
Men brag of their descent.
New York Herald
Clara-"Mr Nicefello said my face
was classic What is classic?' Dora.
'Oh, most anything old"-Good News.
He-'I am told that your admirers
name is legion" She {blushing)-"Oh.
no, indeed-his name is Jones' '-Brook.
lyn Life.
Mr.. Fussy-"I don't see why you
wear those ridiculous big sleeves, when
you have nothing to fill them" Mrs.
Fussy-''Do you fill your silk hat?'-.
Harper's Bazaar.
Teacher - What is taxidermy "a
Johnnie-'I guess | know, teacher.n
Teacher-'Well, Johnnie" Johnnie
Its putting down carpets. ''-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Excited traveler-''Can / catch the 4
o'clock express for Buffalo?" Rail-
road officialE"That depends upon how
fast you can run. 1t started thirteen
minutes ago" Judge.
Lucy Mamma. may go over there
to the bridgeY' Mamma-"Why do
you want to go oyer there, dear?'
Lucy-"Oh. just want to gargle my
feet in the brook.'-Truth.
Brazzy-"Y find, Miss Buzbuz,
that most people are either too smart
or not smart enough" Miss Buzbuz-
Indeed; and which are you, Mr..
Brazzy?"' -Roxbury Gazette
Hubby-"Darwin seems to have a.
lot of trouble with his cuff buttons.'
Blossie-"How SOP Aubby-'He was
always bowling about the missing
link. '-Philadelphia Bulletin.
What are you crying for, child?"
'Lolo hurt me- How. pray?' Il was
going to hit him with my fist, when he
ducked his head and my fist hit the
wall. Boston Transcript
She bought pretty parasol
Of an enhancing shade;
But dared not take it in the sun
For fear that it would fade.
Washington Star.
"Old chap, I've been duck shooting.
don't you know Duck shooting2
Why, you don't know a tame duck
from wild one "Oh, yes. do-the
wild ones got awayw- Chicago Rec
ord.
Short-"There's another bill from the
tailor. I wonder why he keeps sending
bills to people he knows can't pay"
Mrs. Short Perhaps, my DEAR he
does it as an advertisements Brook
lyn Life.
Hoax-"I stood on one foot all the
way home in a crowded car last night"
Joax-'What was the matter with your
orner foot?' Hoax-"Another man was
standing on that" Philadelphia Rec
ord
That said the crank, as the oppO-
sition fielder jumped apparently about
fifteen feet in the air and pulled down
a home-run fly. that is nothing short
of high-handed outrage. "-Indianap-
oils Journal.
"Why. Tommy, you are not ut the
jam again and only whipped for it an
hour ago?" Yes. mamma; heard you
tell auntie you thought you'd whipped
me too hard, and thought I'd make
it ven.'-Pearson's Weekly.
First Man-Did you collect any dam-
ages when you fell down that shafta
Second Man-No, l couldn't; unfortun-
ately they had put sign on the in-
side of the shaft which said, mo Tres.
passing" -Harper's Bazaar.
Higbee-You women have queer
idea of a debating club. When / look
ed in last night you were all talking
at once. Mrs. Hive conduct our
club on congressional lines, Henry
Philadelphia North American.
II wonder if Johnson tells the truth
when he says his wife has such q
sunny dispositionY' "Of course he
does. Every time he does not do exr
actly what she wishes she makes it
hot for him" Cincinnati Enquirer.
Fuddy-Frasher has the reputation
of being great wit, but for my part,
I can't see anything very bright in his
writings. buddy That's queer. Why,
his jokes have been used by the great
est wits that ever lived.-Boston Trans
cript.
Walker-Er-when you run into a
man the rider is as likely to get the
worst Of it as the pedestrian, isn't he2
Wheeler-You bet he is! The last fell
low / ran into only lost front tooth,
while had four spokes broken and
my sprocket Wrenched all out of truel
Cincinnati Enquirer.