Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1896-06-15

to git their vittles away from 'em that he
don't find no time to pick up none for
hisself. Indianapolis Journal.
THE BURGLARS LAMENT.
Il hate to read the papers,
Said the burglar in fret;
''They never fail to mention
In measly way, you bet.
That the SWag we can't discover
Is just double what we get.''
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
First Moth-''How are the children 90
Second Moth-"All well, thank you.
We were a little worried about Flossie
this morning. She ate too many fresh
camphor balls. Somehow, / haven's the
heart to deny the dears the delicacies of
the season. New York Press.
Husband-"Don't you think you are
rather unreasonable to expect me to take
you to bali, stay, awake until o'clock X;
and then get up at 8 to go to my work =
Wife-"I may be q little unreasonable,
but it's perfectly brutal of you to men
ton it."-Odds and Ends.
YOU KNOW HIM.
Over the state-over the state,
Still he is going the candidate.
He is with US carlyle fingers late;
He writes our name on his 1O-cent slate;
Patient to suffer, and patient to wait
Willing to swing on a rusty gate,
Best of all fellowship candidate!
Atlanta Constitution.
The condemned man was standing on
the scaffold and the sheriff was ADJUST
ing the black cap, when loud cry was
heard without and a swift scorcher on
a blue-green bicycle came rolling up,
waving in the air a reprieve. The sher-
iff removed the rope, and the relieved
prisoner, glancing critically at the
scorcher who had saved him. asked:
"What make is that wheel ?"-Minneapo-
lis Journal.
Mr. Bickers-'The talkativeness of
women is universally acknowledged"
Mrs. Bickers-"Oh, it is, is it?"
Mr.. Bickers-sIt is. The term moth
er tongue is idiomatic in most Ian
guages.' Detroit Free Press.
Doctor, what can | eat today?"
ooh, whatever you choose, Herr In
spector.'' Dear Eulalia, what do 1
choose ?'-Fliegende Batter
MOTHER GOOSE ON WHEELS.
Little Polly Flinders
Wheeled among the cinders,
Barking her pretty little toes;
Her mamma MANN scorehed and sought her
But, my! she slipped pedal and came
down upon her nose!
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
An old fellow who had lately buried
his fourth wife, was accosted by an
acquaintance, who, unaware Of his be-
reav.ement, asked: "How is your wife,
the captain, with solemn, not to say
sad countenance, ''waal, to tell the
trewth, I'm kinder out Of wives just
New York Tribune.
TWO OF A KIND.
The east takes on PALE gray cloak,
And lighter grows the sky,
Night vanishes; the day is broke
Alas! and so am /.
Washington Times.
Squaring Things.-Bixby very near
sighted who's that dumpy fright COM
ing up the road on the wheel?"
Stinchcomb-"That's my wife,
Bixby-''N-no, | don't mean that one
| mean the grand guy with the bologna
boomers
stinchcomb- That's your wife,
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
TOO EXPLICIT
There are beautiful romances
In the merry maidens glances.
Which the lover may discover like the
reading of book;
But the charm is dissipated
When he has the lines translated,
For he kills the subtle idiom that fingers in
look. Philadelphia Press.
"Say, daddy, what is it that distin-
cuisines civilization from barbarity?"
ut is very simple. Civilization con-
sists in the art of killing your enemy
with cannon ball at distance of 5000
NdEQS. duO UdIUdI1Iy Ill S1dSuIQS LIS u0du
off with a saber."-Le Gaulois.
A SAD SEPARATION.
They parted; ah, twas very sad!
Her tears in sorrow started;
But oh! the fall those boomers had!
No wonder that they parted!
Town Topics.
GA good many people," says the sage
of Lanniganville, "are like bicycles
They roll along through life with an ex-
ceedingly proud manner until the tire is
punctured, and then we find that they
were mostly built on air. ''-Philadelphia
North American.
MAMMALS ADVICE.
Mother, may l go out to byke"'
Eyes, my darling daughter
Wear my boomers if you like,
But don't forget your hauteur!'
Cleveland Post.
Martini has a theory that he
can drink or let it alone, just as he
pleases."
Wicks-"And how does the theory
work in practice?'
Hicks-"So far as he has tried it. it
works to a charm. He has no difficulty
as to the drinking part of it. AS to the
letting it alone-why, the fact is, he
hasn't tried that yet
A story is told on Russell Sage to the
effect that a lady went to him Il few
days ago with a subscription book and
asked his assistance for a worthy char
ity. Mr. Sage took the book, ran quickly