davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

pellets are superior in a great many
ways to all mineral waters, sedlitz powders,
salts, castor oil, fruit syrups, laxative teas.
and other purgative compounds Made of
concentrated vegetable ingredients, they
act in a mild, natural way. Their second
airy effect is to keep the liver active and the
bowels regular, not to further constipate,
as is the case with other pills. They don't
interfere in the least with the diet. habits
or occupation, and produce no pain, grip
ing or shock to the system.
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure bill
iousness, sick and bilious headache, dir
illness, costiveness, or constipation, sour
stomach, loss of appetite, coated tongue,
indigestion, or dyspepsia, windy belch-
ings, heartburn, pain and distress after
eating, and kindred arrangements of the
liver, stomach and bowels. These Pei
lets" are easily dissolved i'll the stomach
and absorbed into the blood, stimulating a
flow of bile from the liver, and arousing to
activity all the glandular secretions. Thus
they act in natures 0zen a0aY. In proof
of their superior excellence, it can be truth
fully said, that they are always adopted
as a household remedy after the first trial.
Put up in glass walls, therefore always fresh
and reliable.
One little Pellet" is laxative, two are
mildly cathartic. As dinner pilln to
promote digestion, take one each day after
dinner. To relieve distress from over
eating, they are unequaled.
They are tiny, sugar coated granu1es
any child will readily take them. Once
used, ala0ays in fauor.
Accept no substitute that may be recon-
rnended to be ''just as good" 1t may be
better for HE dealer, because of paying
him better profit, but he is not the one
who needs help.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

Messrs. Harper 6 Brothers will publish
the following boo ks late in November or
early in December
"George Washington, by Prof. Wood.
row Wilson, with illustrations by
Howard Pyle and others; "The Relation
of Literature to Life," five papers bv
Charles Dudley Warner; ''The Mystery
of Sleep" by John Bigelow; "The Ships
Company, and Other Sea People," by J.
D. jerrold Kelley, Lieutenant Comman-
der U. s. N, with many illustrations:
NAVAL Actions of the War of 1912" bv
James Barnes, with 81 full page illustra-
tions by Carlton T. Chapman, printed in
color, and 10 reproductions Of medals:
Frances Waldeaux," novel by Rebecca
Harding Davis, illustrated by T. de
Thulstrup; Bound in Shallows," novel
by Eva Wilder Brodhead, illustrated by
W. A. Rogers; "Tomalyn's Quest" =
novel by G.. B. Burein; "a Virginia Cav.
alier," by Molly Elliott Seawell: Gan
Elephants Track, and Other Stories" by
M. E M. Davis; "The Square of Sevens";
an Authoritative System of Cartomancy,
with predatory notice by E Irer % us
Stevenson; Solomon Crows Christmas
Pockets, and Other Tales" by Ruth
McEnery Stuart; I'm the Old Herrick
House, and Other Stories," by Ellen
Douglas Deland; and the bound volume
of Harper's Round Table for 1895, CON-
tanning 1876 pages and about 1900 illus
trations.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20
Carless Phrases.

The following ale some specimens of
curious and amusing phrases arranged BY
careless writers and speakers:
An old French lawyer, writing of an
estate he had just bought, added: "Thsre
is chapel upon it in which my wife and
wish to be buried, if God spares our
lives"
% a tombstone in Indiana is the fol-
lowing inscription: "This monument was
erected to the memory of John Jinkins,
accidently shot as mark of affection by
his brother"
A Michigan editor received some verses
not long ago with the following note of
explanation: "These lines were written
fifty years ago by one who has, for long
time, slept in his grave merely for pas
| time"
A certain politician, lately condemniDg
the Government for its policy concerning
the income tax, is reported to have said:
They'll keep outing the wool off the
sheep that lays the golden eggs until they
pump it dry"
An orator at one of the university
unions bore off the palm when he declared
that "the British lion, whether it is roam
ing the deserts of India or climbing the
forests of Canada, will not draw in its
horns nor retire in its SHE'LL"
A reporter in describing the murder of
q man named Jorkin said: 1.-THE murderer
was evidently in quest of money, but
luckily Mr.. Jorkin had deposited all his
funds 10 the bank the day before, so that
he lost nothing but his life.
A merchant who died suddenly left in
his bureau letter to one of his CORES.
pondents which he had not sealed. His
clerk seeing it Le.essary to send the
letter, wrote at the bottom: ''Since writ
ing the above have died."
An Oklahoma editor expresses his
thanks for basket of oranges thus: 1--WE
have received basket of oranges from
our friend Gus Bradley, for which he
will please accept our compliments, some
of which are nearly six inches in diam
eter."
The Morning Post in 1912 made the
following statement: 1--WE congratulate
ourselves most oD having torn off Cor
belts mask and revealed his cloven foot.
1t was high time that the hydra head of
faction should be soundly wrapped over
the knuckles."
An English lecturer on chemistry said:
"One drop of this poison placed on the
tongue of cat is sufficient to kill the
strongest man." aud an English lieuten-
ant said that the Royal Niger Company
wished to kill him to prevent his going
up the river until next year.
The present Duke of Leeds is reported
to have accused the late Government of
making direct attack on the brewers by
means of side wipd. 1t was during the
late administration that one Of the Irish
whips telegrsphed to Dublin that "the
silence of the Irish members would be
heard in the House of Commons no
longer"
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

Almost every man in America has some
digestive trouble. When men meet. the
greeting usually is, swell, how are your
That develops health talk. The man
who has no bowel or stomach trouble is
almost q curiosity. Trouble is men take
no care of themselves. They eat as though
they had copper stomach and bowels Of
brass. By and by, over-worked nature
rebels. Then come headaches, nervous
ness, bad blood, liver and kidney troubles.
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets furnish help
for constipation ard torpid liver, sick
and bilious headache, dizziness, sour
stomach, loss of appetite, indigestion, or
dyspepsia, windy belchiDgs, heartburn. >
pain and distress after eating, and kindred
arrangements of the liver, stomach aud
bowels. Accept no substitute.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

The wife of Mr.. Leonard Wells, of East
Brimfeld, Mass, had been suffering from
neuralgia for two days, not being able to
sleep or hardly keep still, when Mr..
Holden. the merchant there, sent her a
bottle of Cham berlain's Pam Balm, and
asked that she give it thorough trial.
% meeting MIR. Wells the next day be
was told that she was all right, the pain
had left her within two hours. and that
the bottle of Pain Balm was worth S. 90
if it could not be had for less. For sale
by Geo. NJ. Andrews, Druggist.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

That oatarrh is a Local Affection
OF tn nasal passages, is fact established
by physicians. and this authority should
carry more weight than assertions of in-
competent parties, that catarrh IL a blood
affection. Ely's Cream Balm is a local
remedy, composed of harmless medicants
and free of mercury or any injurious drug.
II will cure catarrh. Applied directly to
the infismed membrane, IL restores il 10
its healthy condition,
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20
5fTALLER THAN USUAL

-lilliputian, in fact,
are Doctor Pierce's
Pie asant Pellets.
DR.. r. v. Pierce,
Chief Consulting
Physician to the In
valids' Hotel and
Surgical institute,
of Buffalo, N. Y,
was the first to in
troduce a Little Pill
: to the American
people. For all
laxative and ga
tn artic purposes
fhaon -o- ---AJ
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

You may go to church and prayer
meeting every day; you may give up
everything else for God, but while yeu
refuse to give up that ono sin, whatever it
is. you will fail to find him.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

Visitor-"I suppose, then, from the
account you give of your offering, thai
your father chasti sed you when you got
home" Hopeful-"Nawl We don't
live in Boston; The just licked me like
tarnationn
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

EDII EDCV new and effective
1t GEF = | method; cures in a
majority of the worst cases. great offer.
Try It, and no fee will be charged unless
benentted or cured. Home treatment.
write full history and symptoms and medi
can pc sent. Do not hesitate because other
remeoles have failed. Plies, Ffstulas and
Ffssures; method mild. safe, sure, cure or
no pay treatment at office. DR. TUCKER
q CO.. New York Hotel, 665 Broadway, New
7; Iork. Cal Tuesdays and Fridays. from
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

Halls Hair Remover cures daDdruff and
scalp affections; also ell cases of badness
where the glands which feed the roots of
the hair are not closed up.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

Prevent sickness and save doctors bills
at this season by keeping your blood rich
and pure with Hoods Sarsaparilla.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

Duedly-"I would like to look at some
collars, please. Fourteen inches" Fur
nisher-''Did you have reference to the
height or length"
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20
Catarrh in the Head

Is dangerous disease. 1t may lead
directly to consumption. Catarrh is
caused by impure blood. and the true wsy
to cure it is by purifying the blood
Hoods Sarsapsrilla cures eatarrh because
it removes the cause of it by purifying the
blood. Thousands testify that they have
been cured by Hoods Sarsa parilla.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20
FARMERS MUTUAL
Fire Insurance Company,
OF SALEM COUNTY.
Ofice-Head of Market ST., Salem,


THIS Old and Reliable Company, of 40 wears
| standing, continues to insure all kinds of prop
erty extra hazardous in towns country for any
length of time not exceeding Ave years, at as low
rates will pay losses and expenses. 1t insures
against fire and lightning or danger by either: its
losses carefully adjusted and paid. Its funds
land ample to meet all probable losses, being
larger than at any previous time of its existence and
steadily increasing, while its reserve assets are of
a character and amount to surely meet all losses how
extraordinary and cannot be frittered away by
unfortunate investments defaulting officers.
DIRECTOR:
John S. Elwell c. H. Sinnickson,
], H. Snnickson, Richard Bassett,
Joseph Waddington, Barclay Griscom,
Woodruff Petit, Josiah Wistar,
Qunton P. Harris Charles Hires,
David F. Grier.
EXECUTIVE Communicative B. Carpenter, Pres
ident; Chas. w. Casper, Joseph Waddngton, Quin-
ton P. Harris, Woodruff Petit, who meet weekly
Seventh-day, at o'clock.
SECRETARY AND TRzAsuRER.-Woodnut Petit, to
whom application may be made in relation to any BUSH
connected with the company, at the othce OF
the company, No. 1873 Broadway, head of Market
street, or at his residence, ESQ East Broadway
Salem.
In addition to the above, the following persons
we're elected Agents and Surveyors:
R. M. Hitchner, Elmer.
George B. Grier, Woodstown.
Josiah Summerl U. P. Neck.
Asa G. Turner, Pennsgrove.
Daniel D. Hitchner. Cohansey, Crmb. County
J. Forman Sinnckson, Salem.
Joseph B. Livezey, Berkely.
Z. W. Nieukirk, Elmer.
G. Wilbert Moore, Seeley.
l. o. Acton. Salem.
z. B. Sickler, Salem.
WILLIAM B. CARPENTER, President.
Woodruff PETIT, Sec'y & Treas.
xt-24-tf.
The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-11-20

HOOPS PILLS are purely vegetable and
do not purge, pain or grippe. All druggists.
25c.
Evening journal., 1896-09-26

ing grown weary of talking about the
query, Is marriage a failure? and the
question as to the relative attractions
and virtues OF the sexes, they have now
taken to talking about lovemaking. The
discussion began with a serious, aca-
demic argument of the question of
whether young woman should enjoy
the privilege of cancelling her promise
to marry for no other reason than a
perhaps causeless change in her feel
ings towards her financee. From tha
point the discussion has brOadened
into a consideration of the modern Gus
toms or rules Of courtship in various
countries.
The warmest branch of the discus
sion has been that which contrasts the
prevailing rules of courtship in the
four countries England, France, Ger
many and the United States. In this
department America has been well rep
resented. Florence Marryat thinks that
I'm America such things are managed
better than in England and the reason
is because the boys and girls in Ameri
ca are brought up and educated to
gether and learn to regard each other
as good companions and chums, and
not as inevitable husbands or wives
She says: "The idea that a girl cannot
be trusted anywhere with a male com
panion without being guarded by a
dragon of a chaperon is a degrading
one, and an insult to the girls them
selves. They have no chaperons in
America; there the unmarried girls go
to the theatres or dances or concerts
with their bachelor friends, and the
result Is that there are fewer cases Of
seduction and fewer unhappy mar
riages there than in our country"
This compliment to American girls
is amply deserved. but the noted writer
is wrong when she says that there are
no chaperons in this country. The
chaperOn is on the increase. She is be
coming more and more a social factor
She understands her business probably
better than her English cousin and /
is true that girls in this country are
given and seldom abuse excessive privi
leges. George r. Sims thinks tina
what is needed is not probationary en-
gagements, but probationary marriages
Others aver that girl should not bind
herself to man until she has arrived
at a certain age. So the discussion
runs on. The talk is interesting, but
fruitloss. Girls will continue to change
their minds as often as they like, in
splLe of what social philosophers sol
emnly say as to their rights and du-
ties.-From the Hartford Post
Evening journal., 1896-09-26
EDITORIAL COMMENT.

The new woman is all right. Prin-
cess Beatrice, the Queens daughter.
has been appointed governor of the Isle
of Wight, and the servant girls OF Su-
perior, Wis, are out on a strike
Rochester Times.
The use OF the bicycle must be reach
ing very nearly the last limit The
Philadelphia Quakeresses are riding
wheels in the public streets. clad in the
traditional costume of their class
Providence Journal.
America doesn't want a poet laureate
so much as she needs a larlat for the
poets now writing.-Buffalo Times.
A fellow can eat pie with a fork and
still be a tlrst-class blacksmith.-Ch
cago lnter-Ocean.
II is a mighty poor newspaper COR
respondent who doesn't carry Cabi-
net change in his Washington
Post.
An exchange insists that the new
woman in bloomers is making rapid
strides" etc Her strides are probably
about like they have always been. but
we have not been able heretofore to see
just how she moved herself.-Galves-
ton News.
The man who goes out between the
acts for a breath Of fresh air manages
to get a good strong breath.-Adams
Freeman.
Evening journal., 1896-09-26
Shaw and Wilson
THE POWER OF CoFFEE.

The effect Of coffee upon the human
race has been a subject OF contention
among scientists for many generations.
Coffee has had both friends and enc
mics and no decision regarding its
properties has ever been given satisfac-
tory to the world. According TO some
French doctors, coffee excited the
brains Of the writer's preceding the first
revolution in the country to such an
extent that it was the cause Of that
great and terrible event.
1t is said that Voltaire and Robes
pierre were intemperate drinkers of
coffee Michelet informs us that the
want of coffee. consequent upon Napo-
Icons continental blockade, so de-
pressed France as to make the return
OF the Bourbons not only possible. but
welcome. We are told that there had
been a coffee famine for some years in
France, and those who had been de-
prived OF 1t became greatly depressed
Evening journal., 1896-09-26
CONTEMPORARY OPINION.
THE FINANCIAL RELATIONS BE-
TWEEN GREAT BRITAIN AND
IRELAND.

THE FINANCIAL RELATIONS BE-
TWEEN GREAT BRITAIN AND
IRELAND.
1t is disadvantage of our party
system that a Royal Commission ap-
pointed by, and therefore rejecting the
majority of, one Parliament generally
reports to another Parliament, in
which the balance of parties is quite
different, and everybody is thinking Of
something else. The Royal Commits
sion to inquire into the financial rela-
tions between Great Britain and Ire
land was appointed i'm 1894 with special
reference to the provisions of Mr..
Gladstone's second Home Rule bill and
with Mr.. Gladstone's faithful hench-
man. Mr.. Childers, in the chair. Mr.
Gladstone has retired, Mr. Childers is
dead, and the Unionist party is seated
in power with a majority of a hundred
and fifty. Consequently, the report Of
the Gladstonian Commission, which
has just been issued strikes a false
note in our ears. The majority of the
commissioners We're only able to agree
upon five propositions, the first of
which is as follows: THAT Great Brit
ain and Ireland must. for the purpose
of this inquiry be regarded as separate
entities To-day such a major premise
sounds strangely absurd, for the finan-
cial separation of Ireland and Great
Britain is no longer regarded as argu-
able. The commissioners were asked
to answer three questions, viz: l..
What are the principles on which the
relative taxable capacity of Great Brit
tainsand Ireland can be determined
,. Upon those principles, what is the
proportion between the taxable capa-
city of Great Britain and Ireland? 3.
How much does Ireland pay to the em-
pire? How much does the empire pay
for Ireland; and to what items of I'M
perial expenditure is it fair that Ire
land should contribute? Unfortunately
the majority of the commissioners do
not answer any Of these questions ex-
cept No. 2, as may be seen by the fol-
lowing four conclusions, which, to-
gether with the propositions cited
above, constitute the whole report
IL. That the Act of Union imposed
upon Ireland a burden which, as events
showed, she was unable to bear. III
That the increase of taxation laid upon
Ireland between 1858 and 1860 was not
justified by the then existing circum-
stances. IV. That identity of rates OF
taxatioN does not involve equality OF
burden. V. That while the actual tax.
revenue of Ireland is about one-elev-
enth of that of Great Britain, the rela.
tive taxable capacity of Ireland is yer,
much smaller, and It is not estimated b,
any of us as exceeding one-twentieth.
We cannot say that we think thes,
| conclusions of much value, or in any
degree commensurate with the tim,
and labor spent upon the inquiry. II Il
easy, however. to see that the commits
sion was dominated by the Home Rull
statesmen of two years ago. For guild
ance we must turn to the dissentien
reports and memoranda submitted b.
some of the very able men who servei
as commissioners Saturda,
| Review.
Evening journal., 1896-09-26
COST OF FIRING BIG GUNS.
Some - the Praosice Shooting IndaIEed
In Blows Away a Pile OF Money.

Some - the PracSice Shooting Indulred
In Blows Away a Pile OF Money.
TIE days are long past when we Eng
lish sang in free and easy way:
Two jolly Frenchmen and one Portugee,
One jolly Englishman could lick them all three.
We are ready enough now 30 give our
possible adversaries all credit for pluck
and perhaps for technical skill, and yet,
as regards practice in the use of their
weapons, we still have them at an i'm
measurable disadvantage. This factor
is commonly omitted from newspaper
comparisons, but it would probably have
more weight than any other in deter
mining the issue Of an actual struggle.
Two duelists may each have lion hearts
and each the best Damascus blades, but
if one has ten times more practice in the
art of fencing than the other it is long
odds that he viii win. So it is with our
navy. 1t has far greater knowledge of
ships, acquired by actual firing practice,
than any other power. And the reason
of this is precisely because such knowl-
edge is a very expensive thing to ac-
quire, and England is the only nation
that cares to afford it.
1t is probable that where France,
the next naval power. spends a mil
lion in sea cruising and gun firing, we
spend five. From every gun in our navy
having a caliber Of 10 inches and under
there are fired each quarter eight rounds
Of ammunition by way Of practice and
from all guns heavier than 10 inch four
rounds quarter, irrespective Of the adj
ditional rounds used in the annual
''prize firing. The heavy expenditure
involved in this item alone may be hint
ed at by observing that every full round
fired from a 6 inch gun costs GIG, from
an s inch gun $50, from 12 inch gun
e123 and from the 16. 90 inch, or 10
ton gun, as much as e300 And these
figures are only a small part Of the
story, for the life Of a very heavy gun
is not a long one, and though a inch
gun can fire as many as 500 rounds, 20
or so full rounds are the limit of the
10 ton. After firing that amount they
will both require new inner tube,
costly matter enough. Chamber Jour
nal
Evening journal., 1896-09-26

In spirit. When It could be again OBJ
tanned it is said that Joy reigned
throughout France.
Balzac, who has been looked upon
as the greatest of all French writer's,
was a notable victim from the excess
i've use Of coffee. He wrote chiefly at
night, and forced himself to keep
awake by the stimulation of this bev-
erage. Though a model of temperance
in other respects, he was a coffee
drunkard. The use OF coffee in large
quantities, especially when mingled
with milk and sugar, is undoubtedly
injurious to the stomach, as claimed by
the Arabians and Chinese, who always
drink il in its purity, and chemistry
we believe, shows that by using sugar
and milk a change takes places in
coffee producing tanic acid, which is
very injurious to the gastric organs.
Undoubtedly coffee, like everything
else, is good or evil by use OF abuse,
and in this connection we would men,
tion story which came to us from a
Southern source. II appears that Gen
eral Lee, the Confederate commander
in-chief, had never been addicted to
the use Of coffee up to the time of the
battle Of Sharpsburg- After that battle,
when retreating toward the Potomac
and preparing to cross the river he
was so overcome with fatigue that his
mental faculties were confused. Cen
eral Stewart, who always kept a supply
of coffee handy, persuaded him to drink
a cupful Of it. He did so, and the effect
was magical. Instantly General Lees
great intellect was reused to action,
and he soon had his troops across the
river in grand STYLE
Evening journal., 1896-09-26
BY PRocEss oF RREvITY.

In order that the public may fairly
If not fully understand the situation we
give the following abbreviated form of
the correspondence between the regu-
lar Republicans and Addicksites:
Shaw and Wilson--Will you with
draw IL we will.
Spruance and Hayes.
Spruance and Hayes-Ask our COM
mittee about it.
Shaw and Wilson.
Wiley, Chairman-Will you with
draw Shaw and and Wilson II we will
withdraw Spruance and Hayes?
Brown, Chairman
Browne, Chairman-Nes we will
withdraw Shaw and Wilson-nit.
Wiley, Chairman.
There it is; and yet excursionists
continue to go to Canton and assure
Mckinley Of success. while Harmony
lies PROSTATE in a cold sweat on the
upper end Of Market street.