Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1896-11-12

VIVA is the average life of n good
bicycle, S%prockets?' We'll, some Of
them last until they are paid for
Chicago Record.
ScienticuS-"Let me seq, Whist is the
name OF the instrument that records tie
pugilist's blow" ,Iollicus-"I guess
you mean phonograph."-.Puci.
Folks dat is allus looiin fob IRON.
ble," said Uncle Eben, "hab jes' one
ting ter brag erbout. Dcy doan' hard.
ly ebcr git MISUNDERSTANDING
Star.
Teddy-"I tell you it's So" Nellie
Il say II is not Teddy-"Well, NAM
ina says it's so: and if mamma says it's
so, it's so. even if it isn't so."-Harper's
Round Table.
"Gentlemen,' said the orator, this
crisis will soon be at an end" THANK
heaven" murmured an auditor; he's
going to stop talking."-Philadelphia
North American.
Mr.. Hojack-"Miss Tenspot must be
surprisingly beautiful" Mr.. Tomdik-
Indeed. What makes you think SOP
"She looks well even IN an amateur
phOtograph."-Life.
DO you suppose the telephone will
ever replace the telegraph" 1T may,
but no matter what happens. it's safe
to say the telephone will have the
call.'-RoXbury Gazette.
Tea cher-"Anything is called trans
parent that can be seen through. What
scholar can give al example," Bobby
DE hole in de fence round de base
ball park."-NorriStown Herald.
Il wonder why it is that young girls
like to marry widowers?' at is be-
cause they know that widowers have
been cured of their foolish illusions
about women."-Chicago Record.
Farmers Wife-"I nope you are not
afraid of work." Tramp uneasily)-
Il amt exactly afraid. mum: but | al
ways feels tidgcty when there's any
thing like that about."-Boston Tray
Clpr.
The FinancPr-"I'm surprised at you'll
! saw you flirting with her. The
Fiance-'l swear, Priscilla, you are
mistaken, Beauty has no charms
never had any charms-for mel
Puck.
Say. Weary. wot are you walkin'
round in yere bare foots fer:' I'm
tryin' dis yer new Kneipp cure "Wot
fer, Weary "'Cause some dinblast-
ed snoozer stole me shOes.'-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
II am sorry | bought one Of those
doormats with Welcome on It," why
so?" Some stupid fellow mistook the
meaninyo OF the word and helped himself
TO II the first night. "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
..rhere are no jokes like the old jokes
Said the humorist blithe and gay.
.And the Jokes that now find favor
Pleased the folks of another day
philadelphia North American.
what a superb touch that pianist
has" she gushed. 81 should say ne
had" replied her m~atter-of-fact escort.
81 understand old Skinfiint has given
I'M O TO have him here this evening"
New York Press.
Mr. Summer Borde-Mrs. Skantfayre.
don't they say man should learn WIS
dom from the ant? Mrs. Skantfayre--
Yes: don't you think he should: MI
Summer Borde-No: Il blindfolded man
wouldn't walk into butter like that
Puck.
Nell-"Miss Bjones uses French
phrases in the most peculiar manner.
Reu-"Does she?" Nell-"Yes, indeed
Why, at breakfast yesterday l asked
her how she liked her eggs and she
said they were very chick.'-Philadel'
phia Record.
Maria. hurry, for heavens sake! Inc
whole back part of the house Is gone
and the roof is blazing right over my
room, You haven't n second to lose!
GLOW unreasonable you are, Johh.
haven't my overgaitcrs buttoheo Fe''
Chicago Tribune.
uouchrstcr-The man | introduces
Won TO awhile = is one OF the mos
noted hunters in the country. Birmihg
bom-I wouldn't have thought 1t IRON
his conversation. Manchester-i'
true. nevertheless. He is n tor'un'
Misunderstanding Chronicle.
vo,ce at the Telephone-Major vii
YOU please bring your family and tax
suppcr with us next sunday serVan
Girl replies back through telephone
Master and mistress are not IN at pres
ent: but they can't come to supper IL
IT'S my Sunday out.-Boston Globe
..What is the compliments reputa
ton for truth and veracityE X ,'
---.Il,. Frnal think