The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
FUN WHILE WAITING.
A MYSTERIOUS FAT GERMAN IN A
NEW YORK FARMHOUSE.


NEW YORK FARMHOUSE.
He Seemed to Be Sleepy, Yet He Provided
Entertainment For Those Present Until
the Boat Arrived, and Then He Went
Aboard and Disappeared.
He was fat German. He looked as
if he might be prosperous saloon keep
er. He signalized his entrance into the
Cortlandt Street ferry house by series
of loud meows which sounded SO natural
that the half hundred people who were
waiting for the boat looked around for
the cats. The fat man was under the
weather. He strolled over to the steam
radiator in the center Of the room, and
in q couple of minutes voices were
heard. First they were in the northeast
corner Of the room up near the ceiling.
Some one up there seemed to be carrying
ON an animated conversation with him.
self. 1t was plain that the some one was
O German.
"Chakey," said the voice, "vod your
wife will say do you alretty, hap You
yoz one tam fool k'viok yet. !"
The women in the ferryhouse began to
look nervous. They gazed at the ceiling
at the spot from where the voice SEEM
ed to come. The men were looking there
too. The fat German stood by the radi-
ator, his head over his breast, and SEEM
ed to be sound asleep.
"Firel Firel Fire' cried voice In
the southwest corner.
Everybody jumped up. The women
grabbed the arms of their escorts. The
fat German still slept, and the voice
sounded again, this time seemingly from
the platform of an automatic weighing
machine.
"Chakey, you vos prutel Vod for
you wand der ladies do SCARE vod? /
bunch your nose alretty"
This was somewhat reassuring. Ev-
erybody seemed to realize at the same
instant that there was ventriloquist
with big range of voice around some
where, and everybody looked at the
German. He seemed still to be asleep.
But in moment he moved uneasily.
Then he lifted the ragged stump of a
cigar he had in his hand, opened his
eyes sleepily and put the stump into
his mouth. Some fire was left in the
cigar stump, but he didn't seem to no.
tice it. He munched on the butt as if it
were a sweet morsel. Everybody was
watching him. He chewed perhaps q
minute. Then he swallowed the stump,
and the next instant pulled q new Cigar
out Of his ear, bit off the end and light
ed it.
"I no puy cigars, I" he said. 1T maig
dem. -
The crowd was nightly interested
and gathered close around. He didn't
seem to like that. and he snorted:
"Vod you dinlz, you yools beoble9
Gauze 1 maig cigar you dink / vos a
WOOL. unmaig i'd" Saying which he
put the fresh cigar lighted as it was,
back into his ear. He seemed to shove
'iT out or sight and calmly took from his
other car tho ragged butt that he had
but moment before chewed up and
swallowed. He pulled on it. It was still
lighted. Che of his eyelids began
twitching.
"My lug vos gone," he said. 81 half
nails in my head ven vools loog ad me. p"
With the tips Of his fingers he lifted
the twitching lid and pulled out five
inch iron spike, like those used to fasten
down steel rails.
II vos dnrn do one BEIGE off iron al
retty if you boobies dond ka'yit, {" he
snorted, and he pulled another spike
from the other eye. AT the same instant
Al .ooca1 1,att 1ioap,1aarad and In ifa
place was another fresh cigar. He lit
that. Next he pulled couple of yards
Of muslin out of his mouth and wiped
his eyes, after which he put back the
spikes. He seemed to drive them right
into the ball Of either eye. The women
were shocked and turned away. He
pulled whisky glass from his pocket,
bit pieces out of it and chewed them
Y it'll relish.
"Chentlemens. he said. II voz 'un-
CRY. Cand you hellub me?"
"Thought it was fake like that, -
said two or three Of tho men in the
crowd.
"Well, it's cold day when he gets
any Of my money" said two or three
others.
Money" growled the fat German.
"You dink 1 am lige you WOOL boobies
vod cad mead mid. voz nod. cad
baber; dod voz cheaber. Will somepoddy
helb q boor man do biece off baberP
Ziff me dod, he said, snatching an
evening paper from the hands OF one OF
the men. He tore two pages from it, and
beginning ON the corner Of one he stuffed
1t into his mouth and ate it. At least 1T
disappeared. Then he tackled the other
page, and that went
"Poor man." said one sympathetic
woman, che must be hungry. But how
can he eat that stuffT'
The second page was gone, all but q
| little corner. The fat Germans cheek
bulged. A voice over his head said:
"Chakey, you've god doc much; you
voz hog"
He seized the corner Of the paper that
was sticking out and began pulling at
it. 1t came in the shape OF perfect
cone, alternately red, white and blue IN
color. He held his head back and pull
ed. Still the colored cone kept coming.
It ended at abont the second yard. He
handled 1t tenderly moment. juggled
1t around, and finally turning it point
down stuck it down his throat. Down
and down 1t went, until it was out OF
sight. He closed his mouth. The cigar
all this time had been missing. 1t APP
peared now, still lighted.
The coming in Of the boat stopped the
fun. The fat German was the first man
aboard. He sank into a corner in the
mems cabin and in two minutes was
snoring. Who he was or what became OF
him nobody on the boat knew. He went
out upon the rear deck when the boat
was half way to Jersey City and disap-
peared. New York Sun.
| 1sstan Ahn