Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-01-02

remembered you when he was Il boy"
Life.
There is a difference between cold
and the grip, but you will not realize it
until you receive the doctors BILL
Truth.
He-Are you going to the opera?
She-No; I have such cold I can't
Statesman.
The same man does the kicking.
AS the seasons come and go;
He grew profane at summer,
And does the same towards snow.
-Washington Star.
She-Did Maude lose her heart when
you proposed to her? He-No, think
she must have lost her head; she said
no-Buffalo Commercial.
Wickwire-There can be no doubt
that the horse is rapidly passing. Nudge
-Mebbe, but the ones l bet on don't
seem to pass anything very much.-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Ethel Mamma, l wish you'd go to
the other end of the store a minute.
don't want you to see that inkstand
thatI'm going to buy you before Christ
mas.-Harper's Bazaar.
We can stand the horseless carriage
Think it's just as fine as silk.
But we kick hard harder, hardest,
When they mention cowless milk.
West Union Uowa Gazette.
what! you refuse me $2O-me, your
I'm inn, TO fritz oo1 cd
your second ego!' "Ah, my dear boy,
1 know myself too well-you would
never return the money.'-Le Figaro
Mr.. Goodheart-My income is $4,000
a year. Don't you think your daughter
could live ON that? Mrs. Spendwell-
She probably could with economy, but
how would you live? New York Week
ly ~
We stumble on the gifts we prize
All other things above,
For ever since the world began, /
We've fallen into love.
New York Recorder. !
'The world owes me a living" he
said bitterly. "Of course" replied the
other sarcastically. 'But 1 don't SEEM
to get it," well, you never were much
good as collector" Chicago Evening
Post
mike" said Flooding Pete, 'if You
had twenty dollar bill, would you
blow it in?' Nope" said Meandering
Mike; II couldn't blow it in. Havin'
twenty nd take me breath away.
Washington Star.
Lover-I know as well as anybody
that she has no beauty Or money Or ac-
complishments or anything, but love
her and Friend-And in any case
she will still be your better half.-Flie-
gende Blaetter.
Herzog-Janns says he is going to
become detective. Perksby-Oh, he's
too slight for detective. He is very
thin, you know. Herzog-Yes, but he
says he will make good shadow
Brooklyn Eagle. +;
Mrs. Highart (dreamily)-I wish to
select q painting for thezzthe northwest
corner Of my parlor. Dealer (briskly)-
Yes. madame. James, show the lady
Senat's last marine, "The Nor'wester."
New York Weekly.
..Shall sing Ben Bolt?" she asked
him.
It happened his name WIS Ben.
He never stopped to answer,
But bolted there and then.
San Francisco Examiner. 4
The doctor-Queer saying that, about
truth lying at the bottom of well.
The Mwyer-You wouldn't think so If
you knew the amount of pumping we
lawyers sometimes have TO do to get
at it.-Boston Traveller.
The chaperon-The idea of Your al
lowing Mr.. Tuesoon to kiss you! Such
proceedings are disgraceful, and going
on under my very nose, too! The daugh-
ter-But / thought they went under
mine.-New York Ledger.
Poor fellow" she said sympathetic
ally Whats the natter" he asked.
THE poor man was disappointed In
love" she replied. ''Of COURSE he re-
turned. never does come up to- ex-
pectltions. Chicago Evening Post.
Millionaire Well, my dear Baron,
YOU seem 10 have an important COM
inunicatioa to make. -Baron-Councilor
Fl. l am happy to tell you the glad
news that it is my intention to appoint
you-lny fa.her-in-! charlottesville Wes-
Per. y