Sharp County record., 1896-05-22

dren as a freak, bat N these fash
ionabIe days it is different:
That weather prophets are numer
ous these days. Many man can tell
when q storm is comng up by SIM
ply looking at bis wIfe's facc2
That matches may be made in
heaven bat they are not the sulphur
and 6rlmstone kind that figure 50
conspicuousIy in the divorce courts?
That elopements are now so FIRE,
qdent in New JerSe that business
men take their wives with them
when they 90 to their stores and
offices?
That there Is q saying, "that
poets are born not madc?n If they
fellows who send US verses, are poets
we are sorry that they age even
born
That some politicians object to
woman suffrage because they be
ieve that if women cou,G vote the
handsome men could get a.! the
offices.
That yoH should never ridicnle
another mans poliucs, for next to
kicking his dog 1t will make HIM
fight quicker than anything else?
That money and time are the
heaviest burdens Of life, and the un-
happlest of all mortalS are those who
have more OF either than they know
how to use
That every man that has ever
hung went straight to heaven! Yet
many pious christian is afraid he
can't read his little clear to mansions
in the skies?
That the modern lanndries may
take some business away from the
old time wash woman, but it cannot
be denied that they save them many
a hard rub?
That about the only time man is
wiling to stay at bone an. take care
of the kids when his wife wants him
to go to church or prayer meeting
with her?
That if you want a good wife,
take the glrI with freckes on her
face? You bet she hasn't spent half
her time before the glass trying to
rub off the spots.
That the value of a horse or COW
is estimated higher when the animal
is killed by the railroad company
than when it Is merely beng sold Oh
the market?
That the original inYcnter of the
corset was one'armed man? He was
Obliged to sqneeze his girl or give
her to someone that could. so be in
vented tie thing.
That cool as cucumber" is not
a piece of slang, but a Scientific
fact, the temperature Of that vege-
table beng always a degree below
that Of the surrounding atmos,
phere?
That twenty letters ont Of every
million deposited in tie pOstOflice 90
astray, bnt those containg the month
y accounts Of your indebtedness are
never among the loss?
That the learned doctor gave Vt as
hls opinion that tight laclng is a
great public advantage, because II
kills off the foolish girls, and leaves
the wise only to grow INTO women.
That bachelor upon reading that
two lovers will sit lp all night with
Only one chair IN the room, said 1t
soud not be done mes one of them
sat on the floor? Such lgEeranee is
panfnl.
That if the Creator were about to
make new world, to be inhabited
by a new race Of beings, there are
lots Of knowit.aIl people, who think
they are competent to give HIM
''polnters"
That lovers OF tea, VIII not be
tickled into convulsion to learn that
a recent report of medical experts
place tea and tobacco in the category
of insanity producing stlmnlants
giving the former Fifty per cent "age,
over the latter?
That woman who has studied
he men says that no woman should
stay away from home no longer than
two weeks? !Ie will MISS her for
that length of time, and learn to
her moro, but if she stays
any longer, he becomes reooEslIed to
dong without her.
That train of cars seem to run
a great deal faster when you stand
by to see them pass, than they do
when you are on the train? 1t IS the
same way with sim seems to
travel heap faster with other pco.
pie than 1t does with you. Free
D,.a,