Crawford avalanche., 1896-02-27

| The man who can control
The blizzard signal is not he
Whoruns the price OF COAL .tt 4
Washington Star
"You told me you and Harry Lowell
at sight" Yes, but we quarreled on
acquaintance. Truth. atxa
He (gallantly)--I couldn't kiss any
one but you, dear! Shelf that's the
case, you can't kiss me-San Francisco
| Wave. 49,
Baroness, have you heard lis 1t
secret, your ExcellencyT "Yes."
Then 1 have heard of it."-FIiegendc
Blaetter
| Jones-Smith Is In business for him
self, Isn't he? Brown-For himself?
Wen, should say he Is in business for
the benefit Of an extravagant family
Brooklyn Life.
| Minnie-I never noticed beforp thar
his'mirror had a wrinkle In II. Mamie
= thought you We're able to see wrin-
kies IN any mirror you looked into.-
indianapolis Journal.
If only knew whether the poliec.
man Is standing there because nothing
is happening, or whether nothing L.
happening because he Is standing
| there!-Fliegende Blaetter.
"All the good things have been said
| Staylate murmured with n sigh;
| Mabel yawned and shook her head
well, suppose you try 'good-by.-~
| louisville Courier-Journal.
| Mamma, really cannot see why vow
call my Reginald the LODGE indeed, I
cannot" Il call him that because he in
such poor excuse for man."t-Indian-
| apOlis Journal Pin. h,Ff eiu'
| Gadzooks-We don't seem to hear
| anything nowadays about the coming
woman. Zounds-No, because she has
already come, and is now off on her
wheel.-New York Tribune.
| Watts-There seems to be some truth
| in the saying that heaven helps those
who help themselves. Potts-Of course
there Is. They are the only kind worth
ng.-Indianapolis Journal.
How is your daughter getting on
with the piano, Nunson? "Firsr-rate.
She can play with both hands now.
She says she will be able to play with
her ear in six months. Household
| Words.
Uncle Hays-'Member the Hawkins
boys who ran away to jine a theatcr
company? Aunt Marthy-Why, yes!
What about 'em? Uncle Hays (auiet-
| ly)-They've walked back.-Cincinnati
| Enquirer
| Teacher-George, what excuse have
you for being late? George-Only a far
fetched one. Teacher-What do you
mean? George-The conductor of the
car carried me several blocks past the
school.-Harpers Round Table.
| The leap year valentine, they say
| (But who shall trust in rumorsD
Will bring out Cupid, bright and gay,
| Upon bike, In bloomers.
Washington Star.
Biggs- l am so stout that I know
exercise would do me lots of good.
Tams-Then why don't you get out and
shovel that snow Off the walk? Biggs
That's not exercise, that's work.
| Truth. ~
II say, Bellevue, lend me $40, will
| you? You have struck me Mt the
most unfortunate time of the year,
| Manchester" How So" "February
| Is the shortest month. .'-Pittsburv
Chronicle-Telegraph.
It's all right, we suppose. to say that
a man is homely enough to stop a train,
but he'll find he's not homely enough
to stop 1t If he has arrived ut the sta.
ton minute after 1t has started
| Yonkers Statesman.
| My lips are sore, but camphor ice
l will not have" said May.
| ~Of course 'twould cure them, you see,
| Twould keep the chaps away"
| -Harper's Bazart iHE
Patient-That sign of yours ia not
very encouraging. ,Dentist-Why SO?
l guarantee to extract teeth without
pain. Patient-Yes; but l want the
pain extracted. I'd rather keep the
tooth.-Philadelphia Record.
Il wonder how warm the room is.v
said Bloobumper. Benny, go and look
| at the thermometer" The little boys
consultation must have been very un-
satisfactory, for he said, presently. 4.the
thermometer isn't going."-Truth.
First new woman (at theclub)-4-W What
makes you so blue? Second ditto-My
father-in-law has come to stay with us.
and John and he sit at their knitting
all day, and cry about my treatment
of John.-Philadelphia Record.
The brakeman's' ''all aboardr' ere long
Will be of little worth.
| When from the airship rings the song.
"Come, all get of the earthr'
Truth.
He--Why do you like the Wagnerian
operas SO much better than those of the
Italian school? She-Oh. Wagher op-
eras make so much noise that You can
talk all you like through thu tsperform-
ance, and nobody can hear h.-som-
erville Journal" - y
+ Il must get tai 4 book sfA,qSstte.~ said
Maud. 'What orysdnquffed Mamie.
II want to find out what Senatorial
courtesy is" "Oh. ! heard my father
talking about that. I know what that
Is. It's a rule by which every Senator
is forbidden to interfere when they
get to disgr.cing one another. Wash
ington Stsf. ttis fsss
| Miss Alcott's View.
| In book of "reminiscences of Concord
thj.ty years ago, by Frank Stearns,
| irySf rrhlisbad fha aufhor raIaf hour