Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1896-09-30
Autuurnils department.
UNCONSCIOUS IRISH HUMOR.

UNCONSCIOUS IRISH HUMUR.
- An Irish magistrate, censuring
some boys for lettering in the streets,
argued: eff everybody were to stand
in the streets, how could anybody get
by ?"
cit is very sickly here" said one OF
the sons of the Emerald Isle to anoth-
er.
eyes," replied his companion, ga
great many have died this year that
never died before"
- In an Irish provincial paper is the
following notice: "Whereas Patrick
O'Connor lately left his lodgings, this
is to give notice that if he does not re-
turn Immediately and pay for the
same he will be ADVERTISED"
An old Dublin woman went to the
chandler's for a farthing candle, and
was told it was raised to half penny
on account of the Russian war. "Bad
luck to them !" she exclaimed, "and
do they fight by candle light ?"
"A young Irishman who had mar
ried when about 10 years of age, COM
planning of the difficulties to which his
early married life subjected him, said
he would never marry again so young
if he lived to be as old as Methuselah.
"A poor Irishman offered an old
saucepan for sale. His children gath
cred around him and inquired why he
parted with it. "Ah, me honeys," he
answered, "I would not be afther
parting with it but for little money
to buy something to put in it,.
- At a crowded concert young
lady, standing at the door of the hall,
was addressed by an honest Hibernian
who was in attendance on the occasion.
"Indade, MISS" said he," I should be
glad to give you safe, but the empty
ones are all full"
An eccentric lawyer thus question
ed a client: $50 your uncle, Dennis
O'Flaherty, had no family ?" "None
at all, your HONOR" responded the
client. The lawyer made memoran'
dunn of the reply, and thus continued
every good. And your father, Pat
rick O'Flaherty, did he have chick or
child?"
- Two Irishmen were working in q
quarry, when one of them fell into a
deep quarry hole. The other, alarmed,
came to the margin of the hole and
called out: "Arrah, Pat, are you killed
intirely? If you are dead, spake."
Pat treasured him from the bottom by
saying in answer: "No, Tim, Pm not
dead but I'm spacheless."
- An Irishman, having feet of differ
ent sizes, ordered his boots to be made
accordingly. His directions were
obeyed, but as he tried the smallest
boot on his largest foot, he exclaimed,
petulantly, "Confound that fellow!
ordered him to make one larger than
the other and instead of that, he has
made one smaller than the other"
"A domestic, newly engaged, pre-
sented to his master one morning
pair of boots, the leg of one of which
was much longer than the other.
"How comes it that these boots are
not of the same length?"
81 rally don't know, sir; but what
bothers me the most is that the pair
downstairs are in the same fix"
- An Irish hostler was sent to the
stable to bring forth travellers horse
Not knowing which of the two strange
horses in the stalls belonged to the
traveller, and wishing to avoid the ap'
pearance Of ignorance in his business
he saddled both animals and brought
them to the door. The traveller point
ed out his own horse saying, "That's
my nag"
"Certainly, yer honor, knew that
but didn't know which one of them
was the other gentleman's."