Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-07-16

she gave me an account of little Incl
dent connected with his juvenile days,
that actually brought large chunks OF
moisture to my eyes. 1t had been
found necessary by his stern papa TO
nly a barrel stave vigorously to that
part of his sons pants just spoken OF
in manner tending to make him hide
bound for life, on account OF a little
habit he had acquired in his childish
innocence, of attaching frogs TO the
tail of a favorite cow and permitting
her to go swinging rapidly about over
the landscape, kicking large irregular
holes in the atmosphere like thing
demented. Little Kidmore tried to ex-
plain that he was trying TO solve some
scientific problems by this action, but
his father rashly manipulated the sCaVe,
regardless Of consequences, Till ne agl-
tated some pepper concealed near Dy'
which caused a pronounced Crisis, as
a severe attack of sneeZing is termed.
Little Kidmore was undoubtedly the
originator of this scheme for the abore-
Walton Of capital punishment, and his
scheme is largely practiced among his
imitators to this day.
This inciGen; convinced the cap
tain's parents that he was a Child OF
mcre than ordinary intellect, and they
decided TO give him thorough educa-
ticn. Some neighbors who were IN
etrested in little Kidmote were con-
suited, with the result that he was sent
90 ore Of the best reform schools IN
the state. whcre, with The assistance
OF the Officials in charge, he accepted
himself to the restrictions or that In
stitutiOn fer several years. His edu-
cation completed, Kidmore secured a po-
s;tion in a blacksmith shop, where ne
became so proficient in his duties at tie
forge. that he forged his employers
name 10 couple OF checks with SUCH
skill that the latter used MS influence
in gaining him position 10 the barrel
making department of an establish
ment conducted by the State. Kidmore
found this a very combining job, ana
often wished for day off, but with
the persistence which has marked his
whole career, he worked steadily and
emphatically in his desire 10 gain
thorough knowledge of tine business.
About the time the war broke out,
Kidmcre also succeeded in breaking
cut, and was among the first to vol
unteer to fight for cur glorious Nation.
In DIR minds eve let us behold him
as he led the troops when they made
such a glorious retreat at the battle OF
Bull Cinch. never relaxing in speed or
pausing TO take a chew Of tobacco in
mis- overwhelming desire to save his fel-
CIV patriots. His commanding officer
mas been heard TO remark that his reg
iRlent contained TO soldier with greater
facilities for retreating than Kidmore
Karbuncle, and no man who found more
opportunities for doing so.
His health began TO fail shortly after
bis eu1istment and CfteI, on the eve
OF battle. Kidmora. TO his modification,
would find himself afflicted with nose
bleed or tCnsiltis TO such an extent
that ne would have to be taken TO the
hospital in an ambulance, while his
heart inward.y ragged that he could not
90 boldly on The fed of action and
wade in gore. Disease at last rendered
him so Incapable that he resolved TO re-
sign his position, and so enc night
a few Of his belongings and some ether
things laying about loose, without even
disturbing his room mate to bid him
goodbye and left on an extended fur
Tough. Numerous efforts were made TO
win him back, but ne was so reticent
as TO his whereabouts that it was finally
decided 10 conduct the war without
him.
Captain Karbuncle has been a candi-
date for judge, sheriff. clerk of county
court and night policeman at different
times since the war, but was always
more or less defeated. owing to large
number OF voters not liking the brand
which he used for electioreeTing: but
his enthusiasm in matters patriotic and
political is yet unbcunded-often 10
such an extent that when called upon
to make a speech, he is too full for ut
terance.
It is understood that he will v7hoop
things up for the Office Of dog-catchsr
in the near future, and as he learned a
great deal about whCopi1g Things up
while i'm the barrel-making business.
it is expected that he wiz be elected by
a large majority: he will use nothing
but blackberry wine. Cherry phosphate
and cherry aspect in gaining the pro-
per support. Join several secret societies,
and do everything but breathe between
drinks to assure a victorious result.
There are some other things 7 might
tell about the captain. | could give an
account of a lecture he delivered in the
opera house, On which occasion he war
The recipient of numerous eggs % mis-
taken identity. from the hands Of some
well meaning practical jckers. I could
spin cut a narrative several feet and d
half in ,engh. telling all the circum-
Stances of a fit of absent mindedneSs
in which he forgot to settle a hotel bill
in Pennsylvania last spring. But these
facts, together with some others that
my massive brain is collecting. are
things the captain would not care 10
have published, so ! will bring my pen
down with a dull thud on the tail end
o. this effusive eluc;dation OF e,oquen-
tial indescribabie.
GOOD THOMAS.