Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1896-09-24

witch kin pay his debts with nothin-
a man witch kin get suthin' with
nothin'.
The Corners, then, is full of finan-
seers,' he remarkt, bitterly, casting
a casual glance at his slate, witch
WIZ just full enough to turn over and
begin on t'other side
But he hezn't eny NV the science
Nv it. l was argooing with him the
other day in favor of my noshun Nv a
leather currency, though l told him
silver wuz much the same thing, and,
for example, wood assoon that silver
wuz to be the currency Nv the fucher
Now don't you see, Bascom, that
eff | he'd twict ez much money, l Good
drink twict ez much whisky and pay
for it,"
How much is twice nothin'?" wuz
the unfeelin' answer Nv the tyrant
who holds the destinies NV the Cor
ners in his hands. That's wot yoor
capitle hez bin ever since | knowed
you
'Parson, said he, L don't see what
erthly difference it's goin' to make
whether silver is currency or any
thing else How are 700 going to git
silver eff it is made legal tender? Eff
silver Wuz ez plenty ez bricks, wat
heV you got to get eny Nv it WITH"
"Troo G. W." wuz my answer;
but can't you see that to hev silver
wood relieve the dettor class? Even
now, afore it is legal tender, it's worth
80 cents on the dollar, and when the
country is foodid with it it will go
still lower. Then we-or rather SIGH
Nv us ez as hev property to raise
money on-kin pay off"
,''Eggsactly So retorts Bascom;
'yu kin pay me for the good, honist
likker Nv mine, witch you hev con-
sumed, in coin witch is less than the
dollar 700 promised All rite. But
lCOk here-come in here all Nv 700. |
want 700 silver men to know exactly
wat 700 are rushin' into"
And this feend led us into the back
room-that back room witch contains
the subsistence Nv the Corners.
There, in long rows, wuz Bascom's
stock. There, in barriIs piled one ON
top NV another, wuz the delicious
whisky NV Louisville, Nv different
ages, rangin' from that Nv two years
old to that witch he'd jist left the
still, and wuz scarcely cold yit. Their
it lay, and ez my eye ranged affeck
shunately over it | felt eff | Good hey
the drinkin' Nv all that likker | would
be content to lay down and die when
! the last drop was gone.
Bascom p'inted to an immense tank
witch he had erected within a few
days, with a pipe running in from the
roof.
Il shan't raise the price Nv hkker
in conscience Nv bein' paid for in
depreshiated currency" said he.
Il fell on Bascom's neck in an eX-
tacy Nv delite, while the others
shouted, "Ah for Bascomr'
&c. W." | remarkt while teeTs suf-
foosed my eyes, Il never placed you
much below the angels, but this gen
erous act has histed 700 a hundred
per cent in my estimashun Bless
you, G. w. Bless you"
But I'll tell you wat | shell do.
Do you see that tank?" SEQ he.
May l ask wat that is for?" 1
sed.
THAT tank will fill with rane
water" sed he. The moment 700 git
to payin' me in silver, l she'll take out
Nv each Nv them barrils jest eggsack-
ly three and one-fifth gallons of lik-
ker and fill it with water"
"Merciful hevings" We all eX-
claimed, and poor likker so weak
now!
And when silver gifts down to Is
per cent Nv whisky and fill her up
with % per cent NV water. And so on
down. Eff silver goes up / shall add
whisky eggsactly in Eroporshun. In
short, my whisky is jist goin' to foller
currency, an nOthin' shorter. 700
felIers witch works for wages may
SWEET, but | won't"
But yoou increase the size Nv
yoor glasses?" sed l.
Not eny. But you may drink
twice ez many times to git the same
amount Nv drink ez before, by payin'
for each drink"
And Bascom stalked hawtiIy back
and took his posishun behind his
bar.
There wuz cOnstenashun IN the
Corners SIGH eZ | have never seen.
There was a hurried consultashun at
the Deekin's house and 1 sejested that
we emancipate ourselves from the
dominyun Nv this tyrant by startin'
a grosery Nv our own, on the joint
stock principle, witch was agreed to,
each man agrein' to contribute $40 to
the capitle stock, witch wood be enuff
to buy bar'l or two, for a beginin'.
We wuz enthusiastic till we come
to baIlotin' for the man to keep the
place, when it wuz found, instid Nv
my bein' chosen yoonanimously, ez I
eggspected to be, that every man had
vOtid fer himself. Ez not a soul of
them would recede, the skeem was
blocked rite there, and finally he'd to
be abandoned, and we went back to
Bascom's and submitted. That ty-
rant heZ US.
Wv course we can't stand likker
dilooted in that manner. We are
willing enough to diloot the currency
with witch to pay for likker, but we
want our likker full strength. We
couldn't help it, but that mite we
signed and sent to our representative
a remonstrance against the silver bill.