davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1896-07-29

Hegeman's CamphOr Ice with GIycerine.
Cures Chapped Hands and Face Tender or Sore Feet,
Chilbains, Piles, &c. c. G. Clark Co. New Haven Ct
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1896-07-29

The Republican party has at last quit
lying about its position on the money
question.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1896-07-29

Mrs. Wriggles, THE rain is spatter-
tering right through this umbrella all
over my new hat. Mr.. Wriggles, Il
know it. 1 got badly fooled on that
umbrella, but 1 picked out the best
looking handle in the rack
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1896-07-29

A railway is to be made across the
fields of Waterloo.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1896-07-29

Deacon Jones, AZ trust you always
ways observe the SABBATH" Stakeholder
well, used to; but of late years l
find it more entertaining to observe
the way other people observe the Sab
bath than to observe it myself.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1896-07-29
II the Baby is Cutting Teeth,

Be sure and use that old and weltried remedy. MRS
WINsLow's SOOTHING SYRUP for Children Teething.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
In Due Form.

A man was a%rraigned in an Arkansas
u many years ago for stealing a
young pig out of his neighbours pen:
said pig, or shoat, being alleged to be
worth a dollar and a half.
The evidence was conclusive. and the
jury, after a brief retirement, brought
in their verdict, Guilty Of h~og-stealing
in the first degree"
The judge remarked that the finding
was proper enough, except that it fail
ed to assess the value of the pig; and,
further, that there were no degrees in
hog stealing. He must ask the jury to
retire again, and bring in a verdict in
due form.
The jury went out, with pen, ink and
paper, but We're badly nonplused over
that word form" Finally one of them,
who had formerly been a justice of the
peace, drew up a document to which
the other eleven assented, and with
which all hands returned to the court
room. This was the verdict: 1--WE. the
jeurey, pusilanimously find the defend
ant gilty in the sum of 1 dollar and a u
in favor of the hog"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
SGuaring the Circle.

One of the problems hat are as old as
the science of mathematics is that of
squaring the circle. By squaring the
circle is meant the problem of finding
the sides Of a square exactly equal in
area to a circle of given diameter. To
do this, either by elementary geometry
or by expressing it automatically in
commensurate numbers, has been
found to be an ~irpossibility. In other
words. the ratio between the diameter
and the circumference Of a circle can
not be exactly found, even though in
the division the decimal may be car
ried out to ten thousand figures. The
above being the exact facts III the case,
we will say that the problem of sqGar-
ing the circle is one that has long been
given up by the mathematicians as in.
Soluble.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Their Turn I'd Run.

A bear hunt which terminated in 4
n at once disappointing and sur
-prislng. is described by the Portland
Oregonian. 1t occurred In the noun
tains of Oregon, whittier two gentlemen
had betaken themselves for q vacation
trip.
Several days were spent in trout fish,
ing. Then me Of the men expressed q
strong desire for a days shooting, fol
large game. They set out the next
morning bright and early, and after
hours of fruitless tramping, were about
returning to camp. when suddenly they
saw straight before them a brown bea1
sitting or his launches under a blue
berry bush, and gorging himself WITH
the berries.
Both hunters fired, and the bear, with
an ugly growl. disappeared. The men
FASTENED after him, but were unable
to overtake him. For half an hour or
more they followed the trail. Then all
at once they came to a clearing. In
the clearing was q cabin, and on the
.porch of the cabin sat the brown beaI
with one of its forelegs in a sling.
The hunters were greatly taken
aback. as may well be supposed, but
were still more surprised when they
saw a man Fastening toward them with
q gun. They turned and ran, the man
after them. They got away in safety,
Il learned afterward that the bear
was a family pet, the oUne of which
was naturally angry at finding it i'll.
treated.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Wby He Whistled,

He was whistling, and she didn't
fike it. Il wish.' she said, when you
are walking with me you wouldn't
whistle. 1t is extremely rude" Il am
iwhistling for the want of thought" he
replied, with evident intent to be very
crushing. IF that is what it's for"
she remarked, Il think ! may say,
without fear of successful contradic-
ton by anyone who knows you, that
you don't have to-"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Halls Catarrh Cure
Is a constitutional cure. Price Is cents.
To Use Cold Potatoes.

Cold boiled potatoes are a nuisance
or in salad. One woman Of economical
turn puts them into boiling water and
lets them bubble for about ten minutes,
then she peelS them and mashes in a
kettle over the heat, puts in butter and
cream, and beats them for five minutes,
and you wouldn't know them from per.
fectly fresh mashed potatoes.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
LET Us ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
VARIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer
full to Old or Young Funny
s~eIectionH that You Will Enjoy.
Too Literal.

Mother" said the old farmer who
gaEed sadly on the ashes before him,
when said we'd have money to burn
l didn't mean for you to take it so durn
litrally, swow / didn't"
AS usual, he had hidden his roll of
bills in the stove and she had kindled a
fire therein the first cool day.-New
York World.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
New York,s school children.

There are $1,000 children attending
private schools, and 1000 attending
public schools in New York city.
There will soon be DOM for 1900
more in the public schools. This will
make a total Of 24S.OO0 attending the
schools, but there are $4,000 more who
are of school age, but not going to
school.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
ImpoIite Boarder.

did my singing disturb you yester-
day? said the musical young woman.
Were you singing?" asked the impo-
lite boarder.
why, of course. Didn't you hear
me?"
81 believe it was our voice / heard,
but l thought you had seen a mouse"
Washington Star.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Dead Too Long.

"This meat does not seem to me to
be very fresh" said Mrs. Bellefield, as
she shifted at the fresh beef which the
butchers boy had just left.
Nor to me, nather, num-" replied the
cook. Its mesilf as thinks that COW
died afore they killed it."-Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
An Era of Sore Throats.

ut is mighty inspiring to- think of all
the oratory which a period of national
excitement like the present produces"
said the man who was waiting for his
train.
That's right. Every time I think of
it I'm tickled nearly to DEATH"
Are you interested in politics."
"No. 1 sell cough ~drops."-Wasbing-
ton Star.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Rats the Cause of It.

The much dreaded bubonic epidemic
has spread from Hong Kong into Bonn
bay, and the situation in the latter
country is serious. The spread of the
disease has been caused by rats, which
became inoculated with the disease and
found their way from Hong Kong in
freight ships.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Don't Tobacco Spit and Smoke Your
Life Away.

If you want to quit tobacco using easily
and forever, regain lost manhood. be
made well, strong, magnetic, full of new
life and vigor, take No-To-Bac, the won
der-worker that makes weak men strong.
Many gain ten pounds in ten days. Over
100000 cured. Buy No-To-Bac from your
own druggist, who will guarantee a cure.
Booklet and sample free. Address Ster-
ling Remedy Co, Chicago or New York.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
ThR RrufR.

Gould you spare me a little money
this morning, dear?" said she.
Really" the brutal husband replied.
with a harsh, d%yspeptic laugh, "judg-
ing from the biscuits, 1 thought you
had more dough to burn."-Cincinnatj
Enquirer.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
That Fashionable Hand.

Harry-What I you doing with all
those books?
Reggy-Studying the-l, dear boy.
They're the latest things on hierogly-
phics and cipher writing.
Harry-How does that interest you?
Reggy-Why, you see, I've commenc-
ed a correspondence with Miss Frills.
and am still at work d~eciphering her
first letter.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
A Tenncinus Clutch

IS that of dyspepsia. Few remedies do more
Than palliate this obstinate complaint. Try
Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. however, and
you will find that it is comparable, along
with its symptoms, heartburn, 1atulence,
nervousness, and loss of flesh and vigor. Bill
iousness and constipation frequently accom-
pany it. These, besides malarial, rheu-
matte and kidney complaints, are also sub
duable with the Bitters.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
The SuItan,s Rusv I,if

The Sultan of Turkey is a busy man.
His working day is from 6 in the morn
ing until oon After lunch and q stroll
he gives audience until s O'Clock. In
the evening he plays with his children.
u axes q turn at the piano.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Nothing is more dis~heartening to a
man than the discovery that he has
married a woman who loves to keep
his writing table in order.-Albany
Telegram.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
The Usual WAY.

Nell-Do you like the girl your broth
er Tom is engaged. to?
Amy-Ne, but Tom likes her enough
for the whole family, so what earthly
difference does it makeANew York
Weekly.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

The Malay language, spoken in the
South Seas, is softer than the Italian,
n is said to be totally unlike any 9th
or known language.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
How He Preferred ,Em.

"Oh, Mr.. Kohlspring, how do you
like babies?" exclaimed a gushing
young West Side matron.
"~1nrepose, ma'am," replied the crusty
Observation-Disclosures Times.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Hardly Knew Himself.

why, you're a new man-they'ye
shaved you out of all recognition"
"Y-e-e-he, he's, the first time I
looked in the glass 1 only knew myself
by my voice. "-London Judy.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Easy to Promise.

Mrs. Bingo-Bobbie, will you promise
me not to fight any more after this?
Bobbie (firmly)-I will, mamma. This
was the only boy in the neighborhood
I hadn't licked.-New York Herald.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
COnSo1inE.

Cholly Chumpleigh-I have been trou-
bled a great deal lately about my head.
Miss Coldeal OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES,
Mr.. Chumpleigh. / don't think l would
worry about a little matter like that
Boston Globe.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Those who use Dobbins' Electric Soap each week
(ama their name is legfon) save their clothes and
strength. and let the sOd do the work. Did y u ever
try it? II not, do 80 next Monday sure. Ask your
grocer for IL.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
EquivocaI,

Chollie (blindfolding Dollie)HNow.
are you quite sure you can't see me?
Dollie-Didn't l tell you 1 coyJdn't
see a thing?-Yonkers Statesman.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Ignorance

"How did you and mamma come to
get married, anyhow" asked Johnnie
Chaffie of his father.
ASK your mamma; she knows more
about it than l do" was the reply
Texas Sitter.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

When a man starts out for blood he
generally has to furnish it.-Milwau-
kee Journal.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Being Charitable.

"She has a Greek face"
ooh, 1 wouldn't put it as bad as that.
1 should give her the benefit of the
doubt and say Byzantine."-Detroit
Tribune.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

1 know that my life was saved by Piso's
Cure for Consumption.-John A. Miller,
Au Sable, Mich, April q, 1895.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Lucy'S Wish.

Lucy-Mamma, may l go over there
to the bridge?
Mamma-Why do you want to go
over there, dear?
Lucy-Oh, l just want to gargle my
feet in the brook.-Truth.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Cheap.

htSIHdIu.
"Avaunt, woman!'' he Kissed.
His words semi a chill to her heart.
1t wasn't much of a chill but it was a
lot cheaper than ice.-Detroit Tribune.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

What has become of the ~old-fashioped
boy who spat in his hand and hit it
with two fingers, to ascertain the di-
rection Of something he had lost?
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Just try a 10c box of Cascarets, the fin.
est liver and bowel regulator ever made
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Why Women Kiss,

What makes you women kiss when
you meet?'
ut is a sort of apology in advance for
what we mean to say about each other
after we part."-Indianapolis Journal.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

When bilious or costive eat a Cascaret,
candy cathartic; cure guaranteed: 10. 25c.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Mrs. Winslow's SooTHIsa t7RUP for Children
teethlng: sottens the gums. reduces Inflammation
sllays pain. cures Wind colo. Is cents q bottle.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Misunderstood,
He-YOur heart is cold.

She-Yes, l should have taken moth.
ers advice and worn a high-necked
dress.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Many a blessing in disguise effect.
1ally eludes detectiOn.-Puck.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Gludness Comes

TNTith a better understanding of the
w transient nature of the many phys
ical ills which vanish before proper eff
forts-gentle efforts-pleasant efforts
rightly directed. There is comfort in
the knowledge that so many forms of
sickness are not due to any actual dis
ease, but simply to d constipated condi-
ton of the system, which the pleasant
family laxative, Syrup of Figs, prompt
" removes. That is why it is the only
remedy with millions of families, andis
everywhere esteemed so highly by all
who value good health. It's beneficial
effects are due to the TACT, that it is the
N remedy which promotes internal
cleanliness, without facilitating the
organs on whichit acts. Its therefore
ali important, in order to get its bene-
fetal effects, TO note when you pur-
chase. thatyou have the genuine article,
which is manufactured by the California
Fig Syrup Co. only, and sold by all rep
utable druggists.
If the enjoyment of good health,
and the system is regular, then laXa-
tlves or other remedies are not needed.
II afflicted with any actual disease, one
may be commended to the most skillful
physicians, but if in need of a laxative,
then one should nave the best, and with
the Observation-Disclosures, Syrupof
Figs stands highest and is most largely
used and gives mos. general satisfaction
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

. Cascarets stimulate liver, kidneys and
bowels. Never sicken, weaken or grippe.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
To Burn.

Boy-Say, amt you going to stand
treat? l thought you had money to
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
A DOubfer.

NO." said the man with blue glasses,
Il never encourage mendicancy. But
here is a book which l will give you.
Read it, my friend. Read it and inn
nTpun rn,,r ,,irJy
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Principles, Not Men

Principles, Not Men.
That can't be Jenkins over there.
blind drunk?"
That's who it is"
But l thought that he was a dele
gate to the prohibition convention that
is meeting in town."
HE bolted the convention."-Buffalo
Express.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Dick-I should if you would furnish
the draft.-Roston Transcript.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Mister, I'm sorry I can't act grateful.
| know you mean well, but I'm a ma
terialist. l can't believe there is any
such thing until 1 see it."-Washingtop
Star.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Too Much OBLIGATION.

"Say, old man, if you'll lend me SIS I'll
be under everlasting obligations to
you"
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
A miser grown old.

Ran his hand through his gold,
And wondered if more he could earn.
But he felt Deaths embrace,
And was sent to a place
Where-well, now be has money to burn
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

Mr.. Sububs (who has ordered draw
ings for a new cottage)-Ah, what is
that room adjoining the parlor?
Architect-That,s for your bicycles.
Mr.. Sububs-And that room adjoining
the kitchen?
Architect-That's for the cooks BIZ
cycle.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29
Unique Idea.

Mrs. Dreamer-What funny wall pa.
per! Where did you get it?
Mrs. Schenectady are my marriage
certificates.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

NUt Oh your ME. II you VIII cut the
obligation down to a week I'll consider
the proposition."-New York World.
The Valentine Democrat. [volume] (Valentine, Cherry Co., Neb.) 1896-1898, 1896-10-29

What is itabout?"
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-11-28

The essential difference between Palne's
celery compound and the bewildering
number Of sarsaparillas and nervines
that its success has brought into existence
is that Paine's celery compound fur
nishes Just the appropriate nutriment TO
the exhausted nerves. and securely builds
up the system against disease. while the
unscientific remedies confuse and aud TO
the arrangement OF the organs.
Paine's celery compound MT only re-
lieves, but effectively and permanently
cures.
The most permanent and direct cure TOR
debility. nervous weakness. languor, and
a rundown" condition. is the strong.
reliable Paine's celery compound. The
rasping. irritating effect OF badly
nourished nervous system upon all the
organs of the body ceases when this
medicine is used.
Paines celery compound Re the most adj
vanced nerve and brain strengthened and
restorer known TO medical science.
The tired. wornout sufferer VINO is not
advancing towards health Is falling back.
There is no standstill in bad health. one
can endure a headache or back1cle
once. one can endure it twice; but the re-
peated sick headache and the constant
pain in the back and in the region OF
the heart must be got I'D OF. For the
permanent and positive cure Of these un-
healthy states Of the body. as eyinccd by
repeated attacks of rheumatism, neural-
gia. sleeplessness. or kidney trouble,
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-11-28
THEY HAVE GONE AWAY NOW.
Football Players Returned TO Their
Universities.

The football players who contested
for honors on the gridiron here Thurs
day have returned to their respective
universities. and with them went the
majority Of the students who came TO
witness the game. quite a number Of
the long-haired enthusiasts still linger
here. though. and almost, If not all OF
them. are floating Virginia colors. As
matter of fact the Carolnians-both
players and follOwers-were very much
crestfallen, and they returned to Chapel
Hill on the first train after the game.
The Virginia players were given carte
blanche by their trainer after Thursday
game TO eat and drink what they
pleased a privilege which they had not
enioyed for some months. and all awaited
themselves of 1t, enjoying themselves
so much that they determined not
to go in training again, and therefore
the game 10 have been played here with
Hampton next Saturday will probably
not take place. The Varsity men have
had enough Of football this year and
they want to return to their studies. They
may yet decide 10 play the Hampton
game. and IL so. the contest will, Of
course. be fought in this city. The two
elevens are very evenly matched, and
II the game IS played the score will be
very much closer than that Of Thursday.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-11-28

there IS nothing 10 be compared for
moment with the great discovery OF Pro-
fessor Edward r.. Phelps VI. D., IL. D..
Of Dartmouth Medical School-Paine's
celery compound.
II you are out Of health or respondent
because Of repeated trials OF other rene
dies. take a fresh start. The bracug
weather is In your favor.
Here is the experience-like that Of hun.
Of Marion, ind:
Before commencing the use Of Paine's
celery compound 7 was treated by many
doctors. and tried many remedies, but did
not get any better / seemed to be all
broken down. l was tired all the time,
and my constitution seemed to be giving
out. / weighed only Us pounds last fall
when l commenced using Paine's celery
compound. In less than two months I
weighed l24 pounds an unusual weight
for me. l have had better health ever
since, and have felt better this summer
than l have for years.
My little daughter was away from
home on d visit, and came home looking
as IL she had had a hard sickness. !
went right away and got her a bottle OF
Paines celery compound, and she has
had better health since than she ever
had I'm her life eats hearty, and Is grow
Ing fast"
There Is no woman who. I'm Justice 10
herself can fail % take Paine's celery
com7ound under similar circumstances.