Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1896-07-31
F UN WHILE WAITING.
A IpysfERIous FA,f GERMAN IN A
new YORK. f+ERRYHousE.

+, Entertaining 1t For Those Present Until
, the Boat Arrived. and Then He Went
! Aboard @and Disappeared.
| He Was fat German. He looked as
If be. might be a prosperous saloon keep
err. He signalized his entrance into the
Cortlandt Street ferry house by series
Of loud meows which sounded SO natural
that the half hundred people who were
waiting for the boat looked around for
the cats. The fat man was under the
weather. He strolled over to the steam
radiator in the center of the room, and
in a couple Of minutes voices were
heard. First they were in the northeast
corner of the room up near the ceiling.
Some one up there seemed to be carrying
on an animated conversation with him.
self. 1t was plain that the some one was
German.
"Chakey," said the voice, "vod your
wife will say do you alretty, ha? You
voz one tam fool k'vick yet -
The women in the ferryhouse began to
look nervous. They gazed at the ceiling
at the spot from where the voice seem
ed to come The men were looking there
too. The fat German stood by the radi-
ator, his head over his breast, and seem
ed to be sound asleep.
"Fire! Fire! Fire'' cried voice in
the southwest corner.
Everybody jumped up. The women
grabbed the arms of their escorts. The
fat German still slept, and the voice
sounded again, this time seeming y from
the platform of an automatic weighing
machine.
"Chakey, you vos prute! Vod for
you wand der ladies do SCARE vod? ]
bunch your nose alretty."
This was somewhat reassuring. Ev-
erybody seemed to realize at the same
instant that there was a ventrlloqu1st
with big range Of voice around some-
/. where, and everybody looked at the
German. He seemed still to be asleep.
But III d moment be moved uneaslly.
Then he lifted the ragged stump OF q
cigar he had in his hand, opened his
eyes slaepily and put the stump into
his mouth. Some Ere was left in the
cigar stump, but ne didn't seem to no
tice it. He muuched n the butt as if it
were a sweet morsel. Everybody was
Watching him. He chewed perhaps a
minute. Then be swallowed the stump.
and the next instant pulled a new cigar
cut Of his ear bis off The end and light
ed it.
"Ino puy cigars, he said. II maig
dena'
The crowd WAS lightly interested
and gathered close around. He didn't
seem to lik5 that, and he snorted:
"E0d you dlbk. you vools beoble?
Gauze : maig a cigar you dink I vos a
WOOL unmaig id IS Saying which he
put the fresh oigaz, lighted as it was,
back into his ear. lie seemed to shove
it out Of sight and calmly took from his
otnar ca tLo ragsed butt that he had
hut q 1noman6 before chewed up and
swallowed. He palted on it. 1t was still
lighted. one Of his eyelids began
5wi5cbing.
sMy Ing vos gone" he said. II half
nails IN ny head yen vools 1oog ad me. "
With the tips Of lis fingers he lifted
the twitching I'D ald pulled out five
inch iron spike, like those used to fasten
down steel rails.
81 vos DUN do he BEIGE off iron al
retty If you be9bie; dond ka'vit, F" he
snorted, ana he pulled another spike
from the other eye At the same instant
the ragged butt disappeared, and in its
place was. another tresh cigar. He lit
that. Next ne phil ed couple Of yards
! If muslin out Of is mouth and wiped
/ bis eyes, after wblch he put back the
spikes. He seemed to drive them right
were shocked and turned away. He
pulled whisky ass from his pocket,
Bit pieces out 1i It and chewed them
= til relish,
Chentla1neDs he said, 81 voz 'un-
cry. ~ Ca0d you he] ub me?"
''Thoaaht It was a fake like that, -
! said Gq20 OF jhtee of the men in the
crowd.
| Well. its a old day when he gets
! any of my money" said two or three
others.
"Monay2" erovled the fat German.
''You diuk 7 am lige you WOOL boobies
Vod cad mead nd. voz nod. I cad
baber; dod voz cheaber. Will somepoddy
helb z boor man do biece off baberi
Zif nae 3od, 10 said, snatching an
/ evening paper rom the hands of one of
| the nlen. He toea Two pages from it, and
/ beginning Or he Jorner of one he stuffed
| it into his Tn5ut1 and ate it. At least it
! disappeared. Ihan he tackled the other
/ psge, and ghac Went.
Poor maa said one sympathetic
d: woman. he nust be hungry. But how
can he eat that stuff?"
I. The second page was gone, all but q
little corner me fat Germans cheek
hulged. A voice over his head said:
Chakey, Won We god doc much; you
yo1 & hog
He seized The oorner of the paper that
was sticking out and began pulling at
it. II came il the shape of perfect
cone. alternately red, white and blue in
coior He held MS head back and pull
I'd Still the colored cone kept coming.
it ended at ahou5 the second yard. He
handled it teRderly moment, juggled
A. abound, aud finally turning it point
down stuck it down his throat. Down
and down it went, until it was out of
sight. He closed his mouth. The cigar
all this time had been missing. It ap-
peared now, still lighted.
The coming in Of the boat stopped the
fun. The fat German was the first man
aboard. He sank into corner in the
mems cabin and in two minutes was
snoring. Who ne was or what became of
him nobody on the boat knew. He went
out upon the rear deck when the boat