The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1896-03-12
ONE Way TO DO IT.
and Old iGu:'es Found Out That Lots
UI exercise ~ jSbt be ound in Charity.

n exercise ~ jsbt be fOund in Charity.
Send those things TO this address on
ClybOurn avenue" gfowled Old Flukes
u The grocer, and charge 1t to my ac-
count"
Yes, sir"
IF they're thinking somebody Is GO
Ing to send them a turkey this year"
he said to himself as he walked away,
they're mistaken, that's all. A fine
ham and barrel of apples are good
enough for 'em. II they turn up their
noses at that they don't deserve any
thing"
Presently Old Flukes found himself
opposite u meat market ard stepped in.
side.
What's that worth?" he asked,
pointing abruptly with his cane at a
haunch OF venison hanging on one of
the hooks
That's worth $780," said the man in
the dirty white apron, Weighing the
chunk of meat.
Wrap 1t up and send II to this ad-
dress on South Paulina street." rejoln-
ed Old Flukes, tossing s5 bill on the
meat block. IT'S too good for EN-" he
muttered Likely as not they'll think
it's q piece of old mutton and stew 1t
with lot of vegetables, but I'll have
TO let 1t so now. Send It this morning,
sure" he added sharply grabbing his
change and shufling out.
II suppose I've got to do something
for that family on West Ohio street."
mused Old Flukes, with something like
a sardonlc grin on his face. But II
they've got their mouths fixed for a
turkey they're going to be disappointed.
They won't get one from me-"
| a few minutes later he went into q
retail market and grumblingly ordered
a pair Of dressed geese sent to the West
Ohio street family.
Then he visited a dlngy South Water
| street establishment and bought ten
pounds of bear meat for a family on
| Aberdeen street.
II want 1t sent there right away" he
said. throwing down a bill
I'VE don't run a delivery wagon" re-
| piled the man in the greasy overalls.
who said you did?' retorted Old
| Flukes. You can call an expressman
| cant you? There isn't any reason why
| you can't hire u messenger boy, is
| there? If you had to get this delivered
son time or lose your job you'd find q
way to do 1t. wouldn't you? Keep out
| enough money to pay for sending that
| hunk of meat where it's ordered. and
| see that II gets there, or by the great
| horn spoon I'll sue this house for dam
| ages Do you understand"
| Yes, SIR" igasped the man in the
| greasy overhalls. "Tll get 'er there
| right away"
Wiping the perspiration from his face
| Old Flukes went out and invaded an
| other South Water street establishment
What's that wild turkey hanging
| there worth?" he demanded.
That's a fancy turkey" was the re-
| ply. IT'S the biggest and finest one
| that's come in for a month, and it's
| perfectly fresh. For a wild turkey like
| that you know"
You needn't make any apologies
What's that turkey WORTH"
Five dollars"
why couldn't you say so at first
Think I've got time to stand here all
day? Here's the S.. Now wrap up that
corpse and keep your eye on 1t for
about one minute"
Old Flukes hurried out and returned
| III a few minutes with q cab.
Throwing the turkey inside he climb
| ed in after IT., growing to himself:
There's such beastly lack of orig.
| inality about a turkey. It's what they
| all expect. But 1 don't see anything
else that seemed to fill the bill
| Driver!'
"Yesr"
"Stop at an oyster house" e..
"Yesr."
"And then go to a grocer's."
"Yesr."
"And then 1 want you to drive me tc
| No. 3i41s Biler avenue. Understand"
"Yesr."
| Oh, Mr.. F'lukes-"
"rhat'll do, ma'am."
"How can we ever thank YOU"
81 say thatll do, ma'am!'
But at least let me express"
"You needn't express anything
| ma'am. Do you think I'm doing this
| out of the goodness of my heart?i
| Well, I'm not!" he snorted II have pu
in the morning at this kind of work
for no other purpose on earth than tc
work up an appetite for my Thanksgiv
| ing dinner. Cabby!'
| "Yesr."
Take me down town again like Q
| streak of lightning"
| Old Flukes had worked up an appe-
| tlte.-Chicago Tribune.
Il