The Monitor-register., 1896-08-28
A LITTLE FUN.

say that my grandfather made his mark
in the world"
Mrs. Rev. Lution-"Well, l guess he
wasn't the only man in those days who
couldn't write his pame."-Northwest
Magazine.
Bicycles er no bicycles," said Mrs.
Corntossel, with great emphasis,
"woman's rights or no woman's rights, l
don't believe in women's wearin'
boomers.
mo more do l." replied her husband.
ITO my thinkin' its downright l~unacy."
Mandy. it's wuss'n that. It's panta-
loonacy."- Washington Star.
x*x
"Is the metre in that poem all right ?"
asked the poet of the editor.
"No. 1t would take two meters to
measure the amount of gas it contains"
Detroit Free Press
Nv
"Will you do something for me, Mr.. b."
Mr.. B.-"with pleasure, my dear Miss
A. What is to"
"Well. l wish you would p to
me, so that l may crow over my cousin.
1 promise 1 won't accept you."-Saturdaq
Night
~
That man Bliffkins has struck it at
last"
"What has he lone now ?"
"He has invented a gun that is abso-
lutely smokeless. noiseless and powder
less, and yet it mows down it's thousands"
"Gracious! What does be load it WITH"
concentrated humidity. ~ Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Nv
Laura-"You remember Chollie Boggs,
don't you ?"
Flora-"I rather think l do. He is the
impudent wretch who began whistling
the kooche.kooche the time l got that
bug down my back at the picnic. Gin
cinmati Enquirer"
x*x
Don't look SO grum, Pikerton; use
cherry words-they cost nothing"
"Cost nothing? If l speak ten cherry
words to my wife, she asks me for some
money. y Chicago Record.
x**
Becoming pretty expert or the wheel,
Timmins ?"
Very. 81 ran down two women, a baby
and a dog last week without once falling
of. "-hdiamap0lis Journal.
nv
The caller, who held his head very
much to one side and had a bandage
about his neck, deposited a coin in the
hand of the celebrated clairvoyant and
spiritual medium.
81 wish," he said, ''you would call up
Job and ask him what he would do if he
had a big boil coming on the back of his
neck."- Chicago Tribune.
~
Mrs. Jimsmith-"George, what does
carte blanche mean ?"
Jimsmith-''It refers to the way a mar
feels when he has got $25 in his poke
and his wife has gone away for a week.
Buffalo Express.
x*x
care you sure that nothing can destroy
his love for you ?"
"I'm positive"
"But how can you tell what may hap.
penn"
Nothing worse can happen. He saw
me in boomers last evening ~ Chicago
Post.
Nv
Lena (sweetly)-"Fred didn't blow hi
brains out because you Tilted him th,
other night; he came right over and pro
posed to me-"
Maud (supersweetlyl"Did he? Then +,
must have got rid of his brains in ION,
other wayP'-NortAsoest Magazine.
x*x
81 am charmed to meet you, - murmureC
the bird, just before the snakes jaw
closed upon it.-New York Press.
x*x
81 shall have to learn how to play the
fute," said Maud, as she watched the
flutist in the hotel orchestra. t'See how
gracefully he holds it. If 1 could hold an
ear of corn as gracefully as he holds that
flute, | should not be afraid to eat it off
the o b."-Harper's Bazaar.
x**
The young ladies who wear red jackets
should go to the seaside instead of the
chase women who wear red jackets
Isaas Sitter.
"Waddington is one of the most intelli-
gent men in this town."
what makes you think SOP"
"Three times this summer he has
carried home a watermelon in q shawl
strap Chicago Record.
~
"What are you in for?" asked the resi-.
dent lunatic.
'Fits," answered the new arrival.
$50 an I. Have one with me, will
you?'-Indianapoliis Journal.
Nv
"De man dat shows de mos wear an
tear" said Uncle Eben, "ain' allus de
one dat wuh'ks de hahdes.' De wuz'
writer in school gin'rally manage ter git
de mos ink on lis fingers.'- Washingto ton
Star.
x*x
"They must have had a cyclone over at
Newriches' last week."
"Wha makes you think SOP"
Mrs. Newriches said they bad their
monogram blown into every piece of
glass in the Unconstitutional Free Press.
S*x
Mildred-"Have you heard the news
about Charlie Kinks add Mabel Buxton?"
Adelaide-"No; what is it?'
M;IJrad-sEHa,. ~ Iouo 18th barD