davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18

agonizing ~eXclamation: Forever morei
If l haven't gone and put machine oil in
the sauce instead of lemon extract"
The variety and intensity of express
sions on the faces around hat table
would have furnished a funny car
toonist with inspiration sufficient to
last It month. Some tried 10 laugh and
make light of the affair. hut they were
those who had eaten the las: of the ma
chine oil sauce; some looked sorry and
sober and others looked positively i'll.
Then came a moan from the pantry
which caused a general scramble in
that direction, and poor Aunt Martha
was dragged forth with her face in her
hands and her whole ann denoting
the deepest mental distress. She was
inconsolable ard declared in the most
decided way that she would never be
able to look any of them in the face
again.
They went in the parlor and took
Aunt Martha with them. and by all
sorts of schemes tried 10 divert her
mind from the sauce question. but
"lblIOuJ WILL Sut NOuIt bItdh puA
every few moments with s%elf-cOn-
demnatOry interjections and bitter lam.
ertations, and it was not until her com.
pany was leaving, with the most hearty
and sincere assurances of their enjoy.
ment of her hospitality, that she cOulG
summon even the faintest smile to her
acknowledgement c~ountenance. Az
soon as they were all gone she lost nc
time in hunting up Matilda and giving
her Il very warm and emphatic lecture
upon the reprehensible practice of leav-
ing bottles around where they did not
belong. My stars" She cried, sup
pose that machine oil had been poison:
"Twould been used just the same, and
here we'd had a lot of cold corpses on
our hands. It's just a mercy OF Divine
Providence that it wasn't carbolic acid
or some such deadly stuff. Ny land.
but III never hear the last of it. It'll
trayel from Jerusalem TO Jericho, and
they'll be calling their machine oil
Aunt Martha's pudding sauce, see il
they don't"
Whensh had finished her lecture, and
Martha had a chance, The long-suffering
servant said. i'll her most correct and
vigorous English:
"Aund Mazda. l didn't vas pud das
hoddie in der bandry. neidcr! Id vaa
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
FASHIONS
Hints Which May Prove of Benefit to
Weu-Dressed Women.

Fancy braids are still fashionably
used on many styles of dress. tai
looms both wide and narrow are made
great use of, and are 10 be found in
all the durk and SOM of the neutral
tones, matching plain dress fabrics,
the narrower braidS usually finished
with 4 tiny line of gold or silver at
each edge. or they Show shot, shaded,
or Persian mixtures and other fancy
combinations in keeping with the
varied color schemes of the season.
Alpaca and mohair used 10 be count
ed an economical purchase, and per-
haps they deserve the reputation they
have acquired, but as now sold they
IAN by no means be called cheap fab
RIGS, and shoppers are often surprised
to find them quite as expensive as silk,
excepting, perhaps, the very finest
qualities of silk. 1t must. however,
De said for them that these materials
are double width, and the fact that
mOhair is one of the most fashionable
dress fabrics, if not quite the most
fashionable, must not be overlooked
wien passing JUG iI'hl upon IL
Trim, taut and prominently smart
are some of the new spring coats that
are shaped to suit every form and
fancy. Some are belted, others fin
ished with strapped seams and a gay
lining. Some are tight-fitting in the
back, with loose box fronts, and again
are opcn-fronted styles with immense
rcvers that continue into spreading
cape collars. the revers and collar COW
cred with velvety white cloth, stitched
with rows of white silk. or the facing
is of white satin, wrought with colored
beads and spangles.
y great variety of silky locking
feather-weight fancy straws are used
for spring hats and bonncts, many of
which are in mixed ~cOlors, to match
iriGescent and Persian dress goods.
Although reduced somewhat in size,
the new round hats are nearly all pic
turcSque in effect. although greatly
ov"rburdened with trimming. For
dress occasions the tiny toy bonnet
continues in undisturbed reign. Guam
titles of exquisite lace, pins, BUCKLES,
bands and slides of beadwOrk, pearl
and gold gimp, ard fascinating French
flowers and foliage are used on these
fresh creations OF the milliner.-Chica
60 Inter Ocean.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

According to the latest school CEN
sus in New York 10000 fewer children
were in attendance at the schools than
a year ago.
Mgr. Agostino Caprara, the advo-
cate of the devil, has just died at Rome.
The duty of the advocatus diaboli is TO
present the objections to the canOniza-
ton of any person proposed as a new
saint and to cast doubts on his miracles,
while the advocatus Del takes the other
side.
Rev. DR.. Jacob Cooper, professor of
logic in Rutgers college, is to be Mr..
Gladstone's American editor, or, rather.
editor in America DR.. Cooper sug-
gested the Butler book to Mr.. Gladstone
and has revised numerous articles writ
ten by the grand old man.
There were 114,439 fewer children
icing educated in French primary
schools than there were five years ago,
according to the last report of the mill
lister of public instruction, while in the
five years the number of pupils in the
schools of the Christian brothers near
" doubled. The Brothers are nov
teaching l, 365,SS6 children, with no aid
from the government.
Rev. John Watson, NJ. A., min
lister. of Seton Park Presbyterian
church, Liverpool, more widely known
as Ian Maclaren," has received from
the University of st. Andrews the
degree of doctor of divinity. The most
ancient university" as the late Lord
Selborne once said. ''in a land whose
citizens are distinguished in every
sphere in which distinction can be
gained" has a happy way of antici-
Tating the larger degree-granting in
situations in it's recognition of merit.
The "Costers' Parson" is dead. It
is not too much to say that more than
any other Christian worker of recent
times Rev. A. i. Goulden succeeded in
breaking down the barrier of sullen
reserve that those who labor among
the London poor have found so difficult
TO overcome. He won first the conf
dence and then the affections of an al
most unapproachable class, and the
Church of St. Alphege, in Southwark,
became the temple of the most thor
oughly working-class congregation in
London.
An experience social" was held by
the young ONE of the Methodist
church in Coldwater, Mich, recently,
in which the usual conditions of things
was reversed, because the young wom-
en- were paid for the experience they
acquired, instead of themselves paying
steeply for the privilege of getting it.
They shined shoes, tended babies, split
kindIing wood. and one or two shaved
and cut the hair of a few fearless men
who attended the social.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
Prehistoric Literature in America.

The only evidence that has ever been
found going to show that the prehis-
toric caye-dwellers of America had a
written language was discovered for
the first time in the year 1891. In the
summer of that year Profs. Shnler and
Warren, the former of Yale college,
made a thorough exploration of what
is known as Falling Spring cave, in the
Sequatchie valley, state of Tennessee,
and therein found incontrOvertible
evidence that the prehistoric Amer
leans were a race of civilized beings,
possessing L literature and an alphabet.
In one of the galleries of the cave they
found the body of e human being,
transformed to stone by the salts and
silica in the dripping water, and neal
by a large wal slab, upon which were
carved 467 words. In all these words,
some of which contained nine and ten
letters, only 30 different characters
were used, proving c%onclusively that
their alphabet was one OF 80 letter.
only.-St. Louis Republic.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18

your own selpS. dink YOU vas make =
Eddie on der knife sharper und you
didn't Il toO% id oud yet"
Upon thinking the matter over care
fully. Aunt Martha found Matilda was
right, and she shouldered the whole
blame, and was further Inundated by
having to make due acknowledgment &c
the girl. who. in the depth of her scnse
of Wronred innocence, was SaturatinG
her apron with tears. After fully atom
ing for her injustice Aunt Martha left
the kitchen to Matilda. with the assur-
ance that she would trust everything &c
her in the future.
The soothing hand of time gradually
healed over the terrible wound to Aunt
Nartha's Self-cste"m, but she never
forgot her awful mistake. aud regarded
the sIi"htes: allusiOn 10 Il with severe
Iy silent disapproval.-Chieago Satur'
day Evening Herald.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
THIRTY-E1GHT YEARS OVER 100.
Time seems to Have No Eject on This
Man, Feoderoyitch kOuzmin.

Ivan Feodorovitch KouZmin is, ac-
cordinr to the Russian authorities, the
oldest man in the world. This seems
4 rather broad statement, but the rec
ords are there to show that Ivan first
saw the light of day on October Fl told
Btyle), 1851, which would make him 13s
years of age reNt birthday. One hun
dred and thirty-eight years of age!
Late last September Gospodin Lo-
monossof. a member of the Mos
kovski Viedomosti editorial staff,
Happened to stop at a wayside
inn near the village of Dukova,
in the government of kostrama, and
there met an aged son of Ivan and be
came interested. Having satisfied
himself that ivan Kouzmin. 70: he it
WAS, was telling the truth about his
age and having obtained some data -
I o the aged peasants probable birth
piace, LomCnoSSOtf set to work TO dis
cover, if possible, the entry of his bap-
tiGm.
This required an unusual o!
labor and research. but finally the
church where this ceremony took place
was found and the archives contain
Ing the entry were brought to light.
There was the full name and the date.
and. curious to relate. an addCnda by
the officiating priest 70 tn" effect that
Cod had blessed the child with the molly
sign of the cross beneath the right
shoulder blade, and thus marked him
for his own. \ subsequent eNamina-
ton of old VANS body revealed this
peculiar mark. Il growth of warty sub
stance. slightly resembling the Greek
cross seen on the cupOlas of all
churches Of the eastern orthodox faith.
So there could be no mistake about il.
IVAN FeodorOvitch EOuzim was 1877
years of age! The records showed it.
and his own words told the story still
more elOquently. Here was a veteran.
who, though entirely illiterate and
barely able to understand more than
the requirements of a PEASANTS daily
routine, could. in his lucid moments, re-
call the happenings of a century ago.
Ivan and his son. it may be said, very
quickly benefited by this sudden bound
into fame.-N. y. World.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
SPANS POLITICAL PRISONERS.
The fortunes Inflicted Upon Suspects in
the Old Moorish Town of Ceuta-

NV 'Lu -hoOEAsh AO"h VI
From time to time the horrors of
slaye-dealing and the barharism with
which prisoners are still treated in GER
tain parts of the world have been ez-
posed to the public. There remains
yet, however, a spot within 20 miles of
English territory where such terrible
sufferings and hideous tOrtures are I'M
dergone by human beings as TO be al
most incredible. This is 1T Ceuta. an
old Moorish town in Morocco surround
ed by a chain of fortresses which make
it almost impregnable.
The place was built by the Moors in
945, on the side of the ancient mountain
Abyla. All the fiendish ingenuity Of
which they were masters was eXerted
to invent and construct as many soil
tary dungeons and horrible torture
chambers as possible. Just as it was i'll
those dark ages. with as many improve
ments as were added before the Span
iards took possession in 1910, so it is
to this day.
The town TO Spain is what Siberia is
to Russia, but infinitely more horrible.
Here political prisoners and persons
whom the government suspects are
transported. AS a rule the suspects"
are prominent and respectable citizens,
who, however, have committed NJ
crime, and against whom no charge car
be brought. No suspicious papers
have been found in their possession:
they have no secret weapons; they have
neither made rebellious speeches nor
encouraged insurrection.
Since they nave committed no crime
they cannot be tried in the orthodox
manner nor can they be executed.
Nevertheless. they are dangerous
they must be put out of the way.
Therefore, they are spirited to a dun
geon in Ceuta, where they will be safe.
The dungeons are hewn out of the solid
rock beneath the fortress, and run in
tiers so or 60 feet deep. They measure
on an average eight feet square. The
approach is made through the floor OF
the fortress, down long, winding stairs.
The dungeons line either side of damp
alleys, the only openings being a small
NOlt aDOu- d 1DOt iTplll llt SIoulit-
1t is through this hole, enlarged for
the occasion. that the prisoner enters
his cell, followed by armed keepers
and a blacksmith. He is thrown on his
back and chains are welded from his
ankles into the solid rock. The keepers
then leave him and the hole is blocked
up with fresh masonry. The dungeon
is recking with damp, is infested with
vermin and absolutely dark. Scanty
scraps of food are occasionally passed
through the opening by the keepers.
For a whole year the prisoner is left
to rot in the dungeon without >aeing a
human face. Naked and starved he
crouches il the darkest corner, await
ing death. At the end of a years time
the keepers and blacksmith again enter
the cell to see whether the captive is
still alive. and that the chains are in
good condition, possibly to d fresh
OnpS-ChicarO News.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18

To make the dressing, first chill the
:1late, eggs and oil. Put the yolks of
two eggs in a soup plate: add one-half
teaspoonfyl of salt and stir with silver
fork until the yolks are well beaten and
mixed: add the oil. drop by drop, be-
ing careful TO always stir in the same
direction. adding a drop of vinegar
whenever the mixture begins to lcok
oily. Add only acid enough to keep the
dressing from separating. Two eggs
will take a pint of oil. Season with salt
and red pepper, and lemon juice, it
necessary. 4 perfect mayonaise should
net be too acid, as that destroys the
favor c. the oil.-St. Louis Republic.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
\ Boys Rapid and Fatal Growth.

Patrick Casey. n young Bridgeport
boy. in the middle of August last was
five feet high. He then began to shoot
upward. ard kept at it until the middle
of the following October, when he was
six feet three inches. This was an
average of a quarter OF an inch a day,
or nearly eve feet a year. His age
then was Il years. Casey vas unable
to withstand this enormous strain
upon his constitution, and he died tine
following November. Before his death
his hair turned from red to jet black.
The physicians accounted for the
change OH the theory that the tinctu-e
of iron that haG given to him as a tonic
had entered into his blood and acted
upon the hair. His case puzzled the
doctors, but no autopsy was held on the
remains, owing TO the objections Ct :hs
familY.-Boston Post.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18

The other day in a street ear a nan
was crowded along in his seat by The
very Observation-Disclosures young wo,l-
an, who pushed herself in next to him.
Her very full dress skirt further incCn-
venienced him, for she was 50 anxious
to preserve it from wrinkling while sit
ting that she swung its folds carclcsSly
over the lap of this man next to her.
This person had his own IDEAS about
proper retaliation. He deliberately adj
justed his large, clumsily-Shod feet so
mat they appeared to emerge from be-
meath the skirt. 1t was not long be-
fore they were noticed by some one OPP
posite. The effect of the great, avyk-
ward feet. as il belonging to the pretty
Young woman, was indescribably ludi-
2rous. The looker-On laughed and
pointed out the joke TO his neighbor.
The looks and laughs spread, until all
the rest of the car We're %craning their
necks to see the fun. At last the girl
herself became conscious of the jest nj
her expense. With a look like thunder
she motioned to the conductor and
hastily left theDl all. - Philadelphia
Press.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18

~ presiding spirit,
she was particularly precise, and espe-
cially in the supervision of the culinary
department. The kind-hearted Yet Sc
we're old soul kept after Matilda. the
kitchen girl, with Il relentless persist
encv and n hawk-eyed vigilance which
often made the poo girl sigh for relief
from her surveillance, for anything
that was done amiSs had to be careful
" rehCarseI under the direct super
vision of her inspectOr-g"ne"al. As a
result the culinary skill of Aunt Martha
came TO be known and Dragged of
throughout her wide circle of friends
and acquaintances; and when anybody
wanted to speak in praise of anybody
else's pies OF buildings h invarlable
verdict was: "Most as good as Aunt
Martha's."
One evening a small but select COM
pany of Aunt Martha's friends was in
vited to take dinner with her, in ceiebra-
ton of her brothers birthday anniver-
sary. and she had given every detail
of the cooking thereof her personal at
tention. The soup, meat, etc. had all
received her approval before being
placed before her guests. but when 1t
came to the dessert, that she insisted
upon preparing with her own hands.
She made one of her famous cabinet
buildings, rs n treat for the occasion,
and there was general rejoicing MOI"
her guests over the prospect of insert
ing their teeth in the undetermined
dainty.
The pudding had been passed ere il
dawned upon Aunt Martha that she had
not made any sauce for it. Such an
oversight would have been almost in
e~Ncusable on the part of anyone else,
and the dear old soul was honest enough
TO declare that the error was even worse
for its commission by herself. She wnS
compelled to confess that in her haste
She had overlooked that important item.
but springiE~ to her feet she exclaimed:
''Wait Il moment, I'll make sauce in 4
fifty and darting into the pantry she
skirmiShed around for hardly O than
a moment and reappeared with a look
Of triumph in her eyes and a bowl of
translucent, notwithstanding sauce
In her hands.
There" she said. as she proceeded
to help each dish generously. Il guess
we will have sauce il Aunt Martha is Il
little forgetful. Idon't see. for the life
of Inc, how | came to forget it; but law.
Tn getting old and careless"
This candid acknowledgement brought
a sly smile to the faces arouEd the table.
and to thoroughly convince their good
hostess of their willingness TO forgive
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
AN AMATEUR VOLCANO.
Eruption of Mount Olympus (Wash.)
Traced to Burning Ignite.

Traced to Burning LiGnitc.
The Mount Olympus sensation which
lately scared the good people of Wash
irgton state with the idea that a vol
cano was in active operation in that
great mountain. has been brought tc
a sudden end by the return OF an cN-
plori2g party tO find out what was the
matter.
1t seems that earth in that vicinity
is interlaid with veins of Ignite coal
Forest trees have fallen into the Grey
ices and Gorges. enormous quantities
of leaves have drifted down upon these,
and by some means fires have been
started which ave communicated with
the coal veins. Great jets OF steam and
burst Of smoke frequently come from
the sides of the mountain and these
confirmed the theory that there WAS
a genuine volcano in operation. 1t
seems that the neal has melted the
snow which has formed a perpetual
white cap at the summit. This. trick
ling down the sides of the mountain IN
streams, has fallen upon the fire. which
accounts for the great volume of steam
The puffs of smoke and explosions are
thought to be caused by the ignition
of collections of natural gas.
This condition of affairs naturally
leads to the inquiry whether a good
many volcanic eruptions might not be
traceable to burning Ignite and the
explosions of large quantities of cor-
fined gases. Be that as it may. Noun
Olympus is a seething mass of burning
coal, and the volcano scare amounts
to nothing.-N. y. Ledger.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18

her they all started in on the pudding
with a vim that bespoke n previous
knowledge OF its qualities.
The first taste had n queer effect IN
the whole company. Some dropped
their spoons and raised their napkins,
Some paused with perpleNed faces. and
others made a brave effort to go on with
the pudding. Then Aunt Martha her
self tasted, then she smelled, then
CHANGING wildly about, she cried:
sLand sakes! What is it? Do you find
ANYTHING wrong with the pudding%?
There was no ~concealing the fact that
they did, but no one had the courage to
make reply. Their looks were enough
howeve>, and without further inquiry
Aunt Martha made a bolt for the pantry,
from whence q moment later came the
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-04-18
HE MADE A DISCOVERY.
How Murat HalStead Was Embarrassed
At Meeting q Certain MOniHn.

How Murat IIalStead Was Embarrassed
at Meeting a Certain Woman.
The best retort that Murat IialStCad
ever received is the one which is de-
scribed as follows:
The old law firm of Goldsmith, Col
ston, Hoadley * Johnson was m %
Mr.. Iialstead's pet subjects for sar-
casm, politically and otherwise. lie
caught up Il phrase which was attrib-
uted to the junior partner of the firm.
Mr.. Johnson, and after calling him a
shining ornament of the Cincinnati
bar for some time the brilliant NJ.
iIalStead went further and publicly
dubbed Mr.. johnson the brass orna-
ment of the Cincinnati bar This
phrase was so attractive TO Mr.. Hal
stead that he never hesitated to use it
every possible wa. IIalstcad's day OF
reckoning came, however.
vt an evening gathering Mr.. Hal
stead. who was very susceptible to the
charms of the fair sex. saw Il handSom"
Womar in the crowd superbly dressed.
and with diamonds On her bosom and
" Nv al III "'-tlA hN nv At HNA
Ettention. He begged to be presented,
and waS-tO Mrs. Johnson. 1t did not
present itself 10 Mr.. IlalStead's mind, Il
little less steady al the time than usual,
who the lady might be. He was curious
about her.
johnson, Johnson" he repeated,
81 have never had the pleasure Of meet
ing you before, Mrs. Johnson. Do
you live in Ohio?"
oh, yes replied the lady, brim-
ming over with smiles; Il live in Gin
cinnati."
Indeed" said Mr.. Hai-tcad. quite
astonished. May l inquire of what
family OF Johnsons YOU arc?'
The smiles were more merry this
time.
Mr.. Halstead," she replied, for l.
years | have been trying 10 polish "
the brass ornament of the Cincinnati
bar.'"-Thc Collector and CONNER
ciaI LAWYER.