The St. Johns herald., 1896-08-29


 Philadelphia North American.
 "How did young Downey come by the title of majorT "Why, easily enough. Don't you remember that his father was colonelT-Judge.
 ''They say the bicycle is lnjuring art" "Yes; the man who owns good wheel can't waste hls life spreading paint on canYas."-ChlcagO hecord
 Maude-Would you n.arry Freddy If he asked you to? Bella (airilyl-I can only answer that by saying that he wouldn't be single now were I so fool ish.
 Ball onew yelled the umpire. Good eyeg" shouted Chimmy. Strike dne9 the umpire called. Oats his odder eye" explained Chimmy.-Indianapo Journal.
 Mabel-I understand that there were only square dances at Mrs. Flippit's small and early. Maud-Yes; there wasn't men enough to go round.- Judge.
 Mrs. Wiggles-Was that a good box cigars, Ephraim, that bought for your birthday? Mir. Wiggles (craftily)-I never saw a better box.-Somerville Journal.
 Spencer-They told me at your office that you were only one of the clerks. And you said you were director. Fer guson-So am. I address envelopes New York Herald.
 Awful accident at Jones' yesterday" ''So? didn't hear of It." Jones hit his thumb with the hammer and imme- diately exploded with rage, while his wife burst into tears."-Indianapo Journal.
 Bill the Biffer-What's d. object of dis organization uv yours. mister? Mis- sion Worker-To rescue the fallen, my man. Bill the Biffer-Well, don't talk ter me. I'm no bicyclist.-Roxbury Gazette.
 Frederick" said she, "don't let the baby stand alone" "Why, she's old enough to learn to walk" "Old enough to learn to walk! Why, she hasn't even learned to ride a bicycle yet."-Wash- ington Star.
 ''There is no use denying it," said the young man, who uses slang indiscrim- lnately. "Cholly Chuggins has wheels" ''ReallyT said the girl from Boston. %What make are they|-Indianapol Journal.
 Miss Prettie-Mr. Ryder is so enter talning! He seems to have come in contact with so many people. MT. Wheeler (vicIously)-Yes, indeed. You should watch him on his bike.-New York Press.
 T beg your pardon" she exclaimed solicltously. 'I didn't mean to step on your foot" 'Lord bless you, miss," re- turned the man in the blue drilling blouse, q didn't know you did."-Som- erville Journal.
 "I understand you stood for whole hour in the doorway last night talking to the policeman, Katie% "Shure, you wouldn't have me sthand there for an hour and say nothin', ma'am."-YOn- kerS Statesman.
 "Her husband Is a little bit wild, hear" "Well, think he had right to be, when he came home and found she had traded off his last summer suit for a lot of potted flowers, don't yOuy- Indianapolis Journal.
 stage" "Why so?" "My hair is com ing out in handfuls." "I don't see what" Pretty soon my trainer will be unable to drag me about the floor"-Cleveland Plain Dealer
 He-And did you call at Monte Carlo while you were at Nice? She-NO; papa called on him, I believe. but from his disappointed appearance when he re- turned to the hotel, think NIT. Carlo must have been out.-Public Opinion.
 Elsie-The report you heard about Edith's engagement must be true. heard 1t from number of persons. Ruth-From whom? ElsIe-WeT1, MISS Brown, Miss Jones, and Miss Robinson. Ruth-Oh, told them.-BroOklyn Life.
 "How the wind howls to-nightv' said the melancholy boarder. 'I shouldn't wonder If 1t had the toothache," sug- X6SI6U N.Y. S1SOule I CfpSAS. AONlA- ache?" "Yes. Have you never heard of tine teeth of the gale?-Cincinnatl Enquirer.
 Slowman-There Is one thing l feel glad of. All the love letters I ever J wrote to the widow are destroyed. tFligh-Are you quite sure of that? Slowman-Quite. You see, never had the courage to send them to her.--New York Herald.
 A mother. trying to get her little daughter of years old to sleep one night, said: Dora, why don't you try to go to sleep? Il am trying" she re- piled. But you haven't shut your eyes" "Well. can't help it; dey comes uttoned."-Answers.
 May I be at liberty to quote you as indorsing the sentiment that the voice of the people Is the voice of GodT asked the interviewer 'I would not like to commi: myself to that senti- ment until after the convention" an- swered the candidate.-Indianapolls Journal
 San Diego has shipped north an- okhar hin ooroo Of 1o,,1o0c This ;c