Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-02-24
JUST FOR FUN.

"You looked so sheepish when you
proposed to me-" "And you looked SO
wolfish when you accepted me-"
There is a boy in Salem SO bright
that his mother has to look at him
through bit of smoked glass.
Doctor must forbid you all men
tai work. Poet-But, doctor, you will
let me write on my poems! Doctor
Of course.
DR.. Glade-Do you know anybody
who has a horse for sale? Drover-l
reckon Hank Bitters has: sold him
one yesterday.
Mr.. x. (who has bow-legs, to the
photographer For mercy's sake,
hurry up, I can't hold my knees to,
gether any longer.
There is likely to be a marked in
crease in the peace spirit in Great
Britain, now that it is seen what the
new laureate's war poetry is like.
She-Yes, that is Mr.. Gamboge, the
| artist. He is welded to his art. He
- Judging from his appearance, I
should say that he didn't marry for
money.
He-Well,I hope you gave the agent
| a piece of your mind when he turned
the water off. She-Indeed, I did. I
told him he was an old hydrant head
ed monster.
"Dickson resents your pitching into
the devil, Bishop" "On what gronnd?"
Essays it doesn't DO to antagonize peo-
pie we may have to ask favors of in
the future.''
Overheard at the Crystal Palace
Boy Catalogue of the show! Cata-
logue! Whitby-Say, boy! You ought
to call 'em dog alloys.
"What's the matter, Uncle Rufus?''
he asked, facetiously, as the old man
came limping in; ''got the gout?''I''No,
sab, I'se got de bill fob dat white
washin' what did fo' yer las yeah"
excuse me, SIR" said Barker to
boorish traveller, "but what is your
business?" 81 am a gentleman, sir.
That's my business "Ah," said Bar
ker. 81 see. You are taking a vaca-
ton"
high liver with torpid liver will not be
a long liver Correct the liver with DeWitt's
Little Early Risers, little pills that cure dys
pepsia and constipation. R. E. FRENCH, H.
C. PIERCE, D. w. HILDRETH.
Tommy Papa, I wish you would
Duy me a set Of boxing gloves. Papa
-I'll do no such thing. Do you want
to get your nose broken? Tommy
No; 1 only want to learn how to keep
it from getting broken.
Professor-This star is so far away
that a cannon ball shot from this
earth would be more than thousand
years reaching it. Young Lady Gear
nestly)-But, Herr Professor, why
should we shoot the pretty star?
She gazing at the dying embers)
That fire reminds me of a man in
love. It burns brightly at first, then
it gradually subsidies, and nothing re-
mains but ashes. He-And yet it will
be all right if you feed it regularly.
Old Gentleman Quitting few ques
ions)-Now, boys,-ah,- can you tell
me what commandment Adam broke
when he took the forbidden fruit?
Small Scholar dixie a shoG Please,
sir, thu warn't no commandments then,
sir!
Jinks- To day I pleased a pretty
woman by telling her certain red
faced, snub- nosed, bald headed NOR
tai looked just like her. Winks-Non-
sense links The red-faced, snub
nosed, bald headed mortal was her
first baby.
A gentleman one day took his little
boy out for a walk, but the boy from
some cause or other got lost, and,
meeting policeman, tearfully asked:
"Have you seen man without a lit
tie boy? cause, if you have, I'se that
little boy!"
Dealer in antiques Here are two
very rare revolvers. Customer-What
is their history? Dealer-They were
carried by Columbus. Customer
What! Revolvers weren't invented in
Columbus time. Dealer I know.
That's what makes them so rare.
Two Lives Saved.
Mrs. Phoebe Thomas, of Junction City, Ill,
was told by her doctors she had consumption
and that there no hope for her, but two
bottles DIR. Kings New Discovery completely
cured her and she says it saved her life. Mr.
Thos. Eggers, 139 Florida St., San Francisco,
suffered from dreadful cold, approaching