davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning times., 1896-10-18
HOW A HAT GETS AWAY.
One of the Aggravating Experiences
of Men Generally in City.
Dsnu,f Fee Press

A perfect gale was blowing. 1t roared
through the square and plunged into the
avenue beyond. like the narrowed current
OF a stream pouring from a whirlpool into
a mountain gorge. Men were cautiously
hanging to their hats, and women fran
ticaly struggling with their skirts. Storms
of grit beat Eainst tie windows, and I,,ies-
trians bent forward and held their breath
as they met the stingng, dust-laden gusts.
Suddenly something white whrleh up
against the soldiers monument. Higher
and higher it rose ten, twenty, thirty feet.
Then it hJyercd for u moment Ike n bird,
and made a swift, slanting flight into the
avenue. 1t was brand-new straw hat
one of those that ripen suddenly at the
close of the season and fall on the rargain
counter.
People Oh both sides of TIE street stopped
tc watch its glimm ering flight. 1t struck
In the center of the electric car track, made
a low, skimming bound of nifty feet or
more, and then settled into scorcbing
gait down the avenue. A man nearly
block away saw 1t coming, and ran into
the street to intercept it. With feet out
spread, knees huggcd together, and ex-
tended arms, he stood waiting. The fly
ing hat struck him midway between ankles
and knees, bounded breast high and flashed
over his shoulder before he had time to
formulate n single eXpletive.
By this time lie had turned sheepishly
around to see what had become of the fusi-
tive 1t was already u b6bbing speck in the
distance. Then a transverse current of air
caught it, and it swerved to the side
f,pr In Is.
feminine shrieks. Then another man es-
sayed to stop it, but just as he was bending
forward and about 10 lay triumphant hands
upon it tile evasive hat lodged with light
mug rapidity and went bowling do wn the
gutter.
In the dim distance "a barehcaded citizen
labored in pursuit. His breath aud strength
were well-nigh spent, but still he kept des-
perately on, shouting and ecstCulating.
The mania of tie hat-chascr possessed him.
He could not stop, though nature and reason
urged him TO. So long as lie could keep h is
flynEproperty y view ,solong thatgaiyanic
action OF arms, legs dd lungs must con-
tlnue.
At last two men planted themselves
abreast in the path OF the whirling hat.
Surely thus far, and no farther, II might
come: Tie Eat-chaser paused, with all his
anxious soul shining in his beaded face.
Like an arrow, the hat darted upon I he two
obstructlonists. There was moment S
wayering on their part, slight change of
posltiou-aud between them 1t flashed. But
the wiricr ofthe two men was not 20 SethUs
| baked. With the speed of a sprinter he per-
sued, and finally, making tremendous
spurt. got abreast OF the nat, and stepped
on it.
Five minutes later the perspiring owner
arrived. He took his hat, now crushed
and shapeless mass from the hand of its
captor and gazed darkly upon it. For a
minute exhausted nature forbade speech.
Then the man Missed with sibil.lt age
and disgust:
"Confouud you, II You were a goat =.
| make you eat itl''
The morning times., 1896-10-18
THOUGHT 1T WAS MCCARTHY.
Suitor for the Hired Girls Heart Is
Called n Fool by the Parrot.
Na.n NorI TrihlIne
NeW IOTN ITfUHHe'


An amusing scene occurred in quiet
uptown street last night A young Irish
man, whois courting rosy checked servant
in one of the houses in the thoroughfare,
called about his usual time in tine evening
Just as he opened the iron gate leading
into the basement yard he heard voice
say: "Hullo, Pat"
"Hullo, yourself said Pat.
"Hullo, Pat" said the strange voice
agin.
Pat guzed all around him, but could see
nobody, ami once again lie heard the voice
say: Huilo, Pat"
rs that all you can say, 'Hullo, Pat?'
Where the devil are you anyhow" an
swered Pat.
Pat, you're n FOOL said the voice.
"Begorra, you're a liar, whoever We be-
shouted Pat, as he looked blindly around
for his insulter.
Pat, you FOOL" again uttered the voice.
I'm no fool, whatever ye are" called out
Pat. wild with anger, AN if yez Will
show yerself III prove it to yez."
Foolish Pat came the reply, accm-
panied by hoarse chucklc.
Pat was furious. and thoughts of his
rival, Mccarthy, Immediately came &c his
mind.
.'Show yerself, Mccarthy, only show yer
self. Mccarthy, an I'll punch in the face
of yez. will! 1 wil!' he shouted rs lie
danced up and down.
Pat. you fool! Pat. you fool! lIo,
no. no! Ha, hal" shouted Pats torInentor
BY this time Pats coat and waistcuat
| lay on the ground and lie had his sleeves
| rolled up 10 his elbows and was tearing
| around like hen OH hot griddle. There S
| no telling what would have happened. as
| it was nearly the time for the policeman
| on the teat to pass that way. whea Tie
! BASEMENT door opened aud Pats sweetheart
came out. On seeing Pat she utter.'l a
! little scream aud exclaimed: Are yCu
| crazy. Pat? An what has came into
| you the night? Put your clothes on. man.
| You, spalpeen. Pat, Foolish Pat! Ho
| Ito, Ha Ia, Go home. Pat" said the
| mysterious voice out Of the darkness.
| DO ycz hear the hlackguard? Oh, if
| can lay me hands on him. foamcd Fat, as
| lie continued his war dance
| "Ah, you mustn't mind that. Pat" said
| his sweetheart. You're a doDkey, surely
! to be minding the talk Of that crazy birt
| upstairs Why, it's Gully one of the yornt
mems parrots which they brought home
| with them frCm over the sea. It's an Ill
| hammered bird, and do swear dreadfully
| Mistress won't have it in the house, so the
boys hang up the cage out OF the window ol
| their room upstairs
You're a great gawk, Pat. to be mind
| ing the likes of a poor, simple minded biro
like that."
Pat became slowly appeased, aud as ht
| put on his coat nc said: II don't 'tmind what
! a burd says, Molly. but. begorra, L thought
| il was that sneak Mccarthy hiding furnins
| thcr Stoop.'
The morning times., 1896-10-18
would Never Do.

Led by our gallant young candidate
vocireratcd the oTator, raising MS right
hand aloft and shaking it in a threat
eniup manner I'VE will march forth to
couaIer, Our cause is the cause of the
people. with the inspiring motto, Free
Si!vcr-Sixtecn to One!' emblaZoned on our
oriflamme-"
Il rise to point of order" observed a
gauut. haId-fcatured man in the audience.
standing up as he spoke. AN orfiatnmc
Is gold standard"
II c sat down and the imprisoned orator.
taking a Couious drink OF water, launched
forth into a vivid denunciation OF the in
famous crime OF 1878.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
He Hates Dogs.

A publication called The Dog Question"
has been started ut Dobbs Ferry by soinc-
body who is actuated by singular hatred of
the canine race. The following remarkable
advice is addressed to my boy or girl
"a dog cannot love YOU. You cannot love
a dog Naught beside a divine soul can
love or be loved. Chluroforn your dog,
and take to reading Your Testament"
Evidently that Dobb sFerry man is a
crank Goethe tells us:
Dem Hunde. wcnn er gut gezogen
Wird selbst Elm wciscr Mann gewogen
Even wise man Will attach himself to
the do gwhenhe is well bred. -Albany(N. "
Argus
The morning times., 1896-10-18
One way 1t Might Happen.

Attorney trying to confuse the wit
ness )-You say you recognize the defendant
in this case "by his broken voice" Now
will you be good enough to explain to the
jury your idea OF the process by Which
his voice broke?
Witness turning to the jury)-It might
have fallen through the bridge Of his nose,
you know, gentlemen of the jury.-Chicago
Tribune
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Parsou Was In Doubt.

During winter visit to Florida Andrew
Carnegie attended service in a little
negro church. When the contribution plate
came around Mr.. Carnegie dropped SO
bill upon it, After the contents Of the
plate had been counted the clergyman arose
and announced: "Brethren ana sistern, the
collection this evening seems to figure up
So "A, and if the SO bill contributed by the
gentleman from the North Is genuine, the
repairs on the sanctuary will begin i'm
medlately. Exchange.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Worth the Trouble.
''Popkins is a clever fellow"
.yIvHnt hng ;,n damn nnyt-9'f

''Popkns is clever fellow"
what has ne done now?"
lies put a spring gun in his back yard, n
burglar alarm at every window, an electric
mat at each door and a bulldog in the
kitchen 1t costs money, but he accom-
plished the purpose he aimed at"
what was that?'
Hes got the hired girl SO scared that
she's afraid to stay out late at night
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The morning times., 1896-10-18

II supposed you noticed. gentlemen" said
the andlady, with one of her boiled dinner
smiles. "thata Chica go physician has recon-
mended prunes as certain cure for ner-
vousn ness?"
And I supposed YOU noticed, ma am"
saidyoun G Mr.. Fledcely,"tha the physician
in question runs large and well-conducted
appendicitis hospital?"
Then, as nobody had noticed anything of
the kind. the subject Was changed.-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
To Reat the band

These cool nights are gIeat," said Mr..
Wallace to his visitor Fellow can sleep
to beat the band"
YES" interjected Mrs. Wallace, land
when he settles down to his favorite from
bone effects in snoring any ordinary tand
WOULD find itself pretty closely crowded"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
GnIdsmith Revised

Old Friend-Are you making success at
your profession?
Dr. Carbolate, throat specialist-0h, yes.
1t was uphill work at first but. iu the Ian
guage of the poet, those who came to
cough remained to spray''-Indianapo
Journal
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Literary Note.

Hicks-Did you ever see 10y trying to
take a fishhook out OF an eel he had just
pulled in?
Wicks-Yes.
Hicks-Well, then, you have seen Joaquin
MilIer'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS Journal.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Correct Diagnosis.

Doctor Gecling of patients pulsel-What
is your husbands business?
Patients Wife-Ie is a merchant
Doctor-Has he hcbeenoverworkingh G himselfot
late?
Patients Wife-Not that / an aware Of
Doctor ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
Patients Wife-He bought an amateur
photographers outfit last week aud he has
been busy ever since trying to make a
picture.
Doctor-H'm, Brain fever-Texas Sitter
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Ram I'm the Faulty.

''Going to get married? What for?"
well. why shouldn't L? My father did
SO. and my grandfather before me-"
Il see; one OF those hereditary misfor-
tunes. suppose. Philadelphia Press.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Very Heavy.

He-WoDderful how some People weigh
every word they say.
She-More wonderful that they don't
break the scales-Judge.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Hea ding Her Off.

Everywhere 1 called today said Iirs
Matchey, to her da sntel. Il heard that
Miss Winsomc was engaged"
That's nice. 1 started the report my
self. She, has been mopopolizing the at
tention of cur young men long enough
Detroit Free. Press.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Him,

Visitor lat insane asylum Who is this
particularly violent patient?
Attendant is the man who attempted
to write pamphlet on The Silver Ques-
tion in Two Lessons. "-Philadelpha North
American.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Not A. LjnguiSt,

Bikes-so you saw ghost? Did he say
anything to you?
Skies Yes, but couldn' understand him.
Bikes-Why?
Skies Because I never studied the dead
languages.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
The Hire Cia sses

Mammal am inclined to be suspicious of
Mr.. Smithers.
Maud--why, mamma, he always wears
dress suit when he calls.
Mamma-Yes; but it is not always the
same one, my child.-Judge.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
No Wonder His Hat stuck.

Tommy tnquiringty} Mamma, Is this hall
oil in this bottle?
Mamma Mercy. no! That's glue.
Tommy (nonchalantly) That's why
can't get my hat off.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
I,ook,nO for the Facts

Mrs. Flighty fired a pistol and killed
burglar"
How odd Did theyhear whatshe aimed
at!"-Chfcago Record.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
Ons. CnnsnInti0n,

We miss the Maytime's blossoms,
And fear the frosty rime;
But still-the Georgia 'possums :.
Are comiBg in on time.
Atlanta Constitution.
The morning times., 1896-10-18
A Neat RennrIee

,octor-n'm. Brain fever.-Texas Sitter.
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08
MARRIAGE LICENSES.

The following licenses issued yester-
day from the office of the county clerk
Delbert d. Carter, a native of Missou-
ri, aged 20 years, and Alice M. Carter,
a native of Canada, aged "a years, both
residents of Los Angeles.
Francisco RIVAL, a native of Califor-
MIA, aged rs years, and Maria Romero,
a native of California, aged 20 years,
both residents of Fruitland
Peter Sarrail native of California,
aged 80 years, and Lille Massileu, ma
tive of California, aged "a years, both
residents of Los Angeles.
Arthur b. Houston, native Of Missou-
II, aged % years, and Alice May Mills, a
native of Pennsylvania, aged Is years,
both residents of Los Angeles.
James o. Kemp, a native of Canada,
aged SO years, and Mrs. Dora Edna
Hastings. a native of Montana. aged %
years, both residents of Los Angeles.
Fred II. Dice, native of Illinois, aged
26 years, and Mary E. Kiniman, a native
of Pennsylvania, aged &c years, both
residents of Los Angeles.
Eugene Bassett. a native of Indiana
aged 40 years. and Mary Vivian, a ma
tive of California, aged 81 years, both
residents of Los Angeles.
Francis Herbert Whorries, a native of
Illinois. aged "a years, and Lucy Sparks
native of California. aged IS years,
both residents of Los Angeles.
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08
MADAME FAvART-At the Burbank

housekeepers to the contrary notwith-
stauding) scares that subtle ghost away,
and piece of fish skin is an abomina-
ton. Eat your eggs and fish and drink
your coffee, but take them separately.
Coffee. like wine, improves with age.
The Name "Old Government Java" is
said to have come from the fact that the
government of Java bought up the best
coffee and put it in storehouses, where
it was kept for fifty years before it was
deemed fit for the use of the royal fami-
lies. During these years of storage it
was said to lose in the first year per
cent. the second 5 per cent. in the third
years per cent. But it gained in rich
ness of flavor more than enough to make
up for the loss in weight.
All the histories of Arctic explorations
prove the great value of coffee as a
help to resist the devastating effects of
extreme cold. The Swedes and most of
the people who live in the northern
countries are great coffee drinkers. In
the city of Stockholm the society ladies
have an afternoon 3 o'clock social affair
which in measure corresponds to the
American o'clock tea. The 3 o'clock cof-
fee is called by two Swedish words
which mean coffee scandal" or coffee
gossip" A lady who had attended one
of these coffee gossipS was asked, upon
her return home, if she had enjoyed her.
self. Her reply was: Not bit. Every
body that we knew was there, so we had
nothing to talk about"
The Arabs and Turks are also great
coffee drinkers, and their country is hot
on these people another of the valuable
attributes of coffee is brouhgt to bear
1t lightens the sensation of fatigue and
sustains the strength under long and
severe muscular eXertion.
One of the advantages of coffee is
that it stimulates the brain to quick ac-
ton. Many poet has earned laurel
leaf under its eXhilarating effects. One
of it's disadvantages is that it is apt to
drive away sleep. But otherwise it
could not be an antidote for opium
poisoning.-New York Tribune.
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08

ing Lucifers will also appear on the new
bill. 1t will be a booming big show, and
the Orpheum will undoubtedly reap q
harvest of full houses every night dur
ing the week. The usual matinee and
evening performance will be given to-
day.
Commencing tonight the Burbank will
again present a season of comic opera,
opening tonight in Jacques Offenbach's
charming opera, Madame Favart New
faces and voices have been added 20
those already heard before, and the
Ideals come before the public the second
time determined to add to laurels al
ready won. The opening opera is one
we'll known to European audiences and
also in the east, but has not been pre-
scented before in Los Angeles. The argu-
ment is as follows:
The scene of the first act is laid at
Arras. Major Cotignac, accompanied
by his daughter, Suzanne, arrives at
the inn of NJ. Biscotin. Cotignac has
come for the purpose of visiting M.
de Pont-Sable. governor of Artois, to
request that the office of lieutenant of
police at Douai be given to NJ Laroche
Trombleau, his cousin, who is to marry
his daughter. At least so he thinks, but
Suzanne has other views. She is below
ed by Hector de Boispreau. clerk at San
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08
COFFEE'S GOOD QUALITIES
Reasons Why a Perfect Cup of Coffee Is
Seldom Obtained

A great many things have been said
about coffee, both for and aginst it,
which are far from being true. AS It
frequently happens that those who are
excessive coffee drinkers are small
eaters, it has been asserted that coffee,
although containing little that is of food
value, preserved the tissues from waste,
and consequently made less food neces-
sary. This, by as much light as the
science of the day has been able to thow
on the matter, is not true.
Coffee is a stimulant, affecting the
nervous and vascular system, and is, so
to speak, a sort of an auxiliary to both
food and medicine. If it agrees with the
stomach, it exhilarates the drinker, pro-
ducing feeling near akin to intoxica-
ton, increasing the frequency of the
pulse beats, and does not pass off in de-
preston or collapse
The best authorities have been con-
suited for confirmation of the statement
that an excessive indulgence in coffee
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08

had produced delirium tremens. But
there is no record of anything OF the
kind. Too much coffee is bad, but not SO
bad as all that, say the wise ones. An ap-
propriate query might here be put: Is
there anything in the line of good things.
except, perhaps. charity, that too much
of it is not bad?
Coffee. as also tea, cocoa, mate or
Paragua tea, guarana and the African
nut Kola also depend upon the alkaloid
caffeine they contain for thelr physio-
logical and dietetic value. But the COM
mercial value of coffee is determined
by the oil caffeine which develops in it
by the process of roasting. And this very
process of roasting Is the why and
wherefore that so few people in the civ
ilzed world have ever once tasted a
really perfect cup of coffee. A faultless
cup of coffee is an excellence that is not
produced without labor, and it is cues
ton, in the end, if the game is worth the
candle.
There is subtle ghost in coffee that
is most easily frightened away, but
without which the beverage is not per-
feet. Only your Arab, to whom neither
time nor money are of much moment,
will invariably take the pains requisite.
The coffee should be Drowned and
crushed for each meal. You may put the
green coffee in common iron frying pan
placed over the fire, and stir constantly
while it is browning, which should be as
fast as possible without scorching it.
When the coffee is done, you will know
it, for it will exude an oil which gives the
berries a shiny look. Now set it aside
for few minutes to cool partially. Some
machine should be invented to crush in
stead of grind the coffee. Crushing will
press out all this oil caffeine, which is so
delicious. But grinding will leave each
little piece retaining some of 1t. NOW
have the water in PERFECTLY clean pot,
at boiling point. The pot should be
capable of being closed nearly air tight.
Keep the water atshade below the boil
ing point for about twenty minutes. You
may stir it two or three times if you like.
Do not be too generous with the water,
or parsimonious with the coffee. Two
teaspoonfuls of moderately finely
ground coffee to half pint of water is
about right for good strong coffee. An
egg stirred into the grounds Gall Yankee
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08
WESTLAKE PARK CONCERT

Following is the program for the con-
cert at Westlake park this afternoon.
commencing at 2 o'clock p. M:
Overture. Light Cavalry, Suppe
Concert mazurka, l.. Gartner.
PotpOurri of popular songs, by f.
Boyer.
Serenade, A la Luna (To the Moon),
by II. II. EspinoZa, saXaphone soloist of
the band.
Caprice, On the Plantation, Puerner.
1ntermission.
Overture, Tampa Herold.
Polka, Trilby, G. Seidel.
Usurps from the most admired works
of Gounod, arranged by A. Marelli
Grand valse, Espana (by request),
Waldteufel.
March, Semper Fidelis, Sousa.
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08

Tucson and participate in the general
exercises, presenting addresses and en-
tering into the discussions. Quite a
number of specialists in the various
agricultural branches have promised
papers and very interesting and in
structive program is assured. At this
meeting the general election of officers
for the ensuing year will take place.
The herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1893-1900, 1896-11-08

To Cure q Cold In One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets
All druggists refund the money if it
fails to cure. 25c.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1896-05-29

INDEPENDENT Mr.. Krohn is a prac
tical printer of experience. having
learned his trade in this city, and fol-
lowed it since in most of the large
cities in this country. He is cap
able young man who will add to the
strength of the paper, and we wish
him success in his new venture. = st.
Peter Herald. Mr.. KrOhn was an en-
ploys of the FREE PRESS for a few
months last fall, and his friends in
this city will be pleased to learn OF
his venture.
Among the teachers elected by
the hoard of education of Madelia for
the coming year we notice the name
of Miss Belle Goodwin, of Mankato.
Miss Goodwin is no stranger to the
good people of Madelia, she having
formerly taught in the schools there,
and her re-engagement is deserved
recognition of her qualifications as an
instructor.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1896-05-29
VENO BOTTLES ELECTRICITY
The Study of the Nineteenth Century
Electricity is Life-Then why not
use it to PrOlOng Life.

Did you ever stop to think of the great force
out its aid the body is inanimate. Veno has
made life study of this peculiar force and the
result of his Investigation is found in VENO'S
ELECTRIC FLUID, the only medicine in the
world containing the positive and negative
qualities of this comparatively unknown ele-
ment
VENO'S CURATIVE SYRUP (5Oc,a bottle).
is the quickest cure in the world for nervous
ness, dyspepsia, liver, kidney, blood and stomach
disorders, bad appetite and sleeplessness, and
when used with VENO'S ELECTRIC FLUID
[50c. bottlel, will positively cure the worst and
most desperate forms of rheumatism, sciatica
neuralgia, paralysis, weak muscles, stiff joints
and all aches and pains.
VENO'S LUNG TONIC (50c. bottle), a
positive cure for throat and lung troubles
bronchitis, asthma, coughs and colds. Sold by
LAMM MOREHART, and guaranteed to
cure or money returned