Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-09-09

CAKE, say like Do not say awfnlly,
say very Do not say nice, say
good Ard, by the way, the word
just should be omitted, also the 'oh.'
Now, my dear, repeat the sentence cor
rectly" Little Dot-"I like cake; it's
very good" Mamma-''That's better"
Little Dot with an air of disgust
Sounds as if I was talkin' about
bread" -Pearson's Weekly.
THE RECKONING.
Now doth the simple farmer smile,
And count his cleaning hoard;
What once he lost through green-goods guile
He's made by summer board
Washington Star.
Among the old stories about John
Chamberlin, revamped since his death,
is one that bears on the stiff prices that
ruled III his restaurant. A young man
who was going to a theater party went
into Chamberlins, and was tempted to
order stake and onions, but he hesitated
because of his subsequent engagement.
Have no fear, my FRIEND" said his
dinner companion. Just go right ahead
and have your steak and onions. When
you get your bill for the meal you have
ordered it will take your breath away"
''This is the sixth pint of beer [ have
drunk, all through my wife putting me
out of temper; it is surprising what a
lot of money that woman costs me!''-
Tid-Bits.
Here is copy of an announcement
said to have been found posted on a
Lawrence county church:
''There will be preaching in this house,
Providence permitting, Sunday, and
10
not on Monday following upon the sub
ject, He that beieveth and is baptized
shall be saved, and he that belieYeth
not shall be damned at precisely half
past 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Hot
Springs News.
Some years ago the Queen was sue
cessfuI exhibitor of some pigs at a Lon
don show, the animals afterwards be-
Her majesty subsequently honored the
tradesman by sending an order for
sausages made from the royal swine.
Some time after this his royal high
ness the late Duke of Albany paid
visit to Sheffield, and as the royal car
riage was passing the shop of the butch
er whose speciality was royal sausages a
man in the crowd, pointing in the direc-
ti0n of the shop, greeted the royal Wis
mother gets her sossages!"
''Tubbs says he's been making a num-
Der of improvements about his home re
Gently Yes, | noticed he's sold the
piano. '-Tid-Bits.
Striking but not prepossessing in ap-
pearance was DR.. Hook, the great York
shire vicar.
As a boy, he was spoken of as one on
whom nature had tried her prentice
hand" In later years he himself used to
comment on what he called his ''ugli-
ness" and to tell of the effect which his
stout figure and snowy-white hair and
whiskers produced upon a little girl.
Having been told to go and kiss DR..
Hook, she hesitated, shrugged her shout
ders and exclaimed:
Tell mamma to go and kiss him
first
get a girl if you fear to pop the ques-
ton"
Binks-''I'm not too frightened to pop
the question, but l hate to Question the
Pop."-Boston Bulletin.
Mr. Barrelton,'' said the campaign
worker, Il called on you to see whether
you had received our request tor contrl-
buttons TO the fund"
I'm afraid" replied the wealthy parti-
san, that | will have to disappoint you"
You don't mean to say that you're not
going to help us out! l thought you'd be
standing on the front steps, waiting to
give me a bunch of checks signed in
blank. You're the man that stimulates
more enthusiasm than anybody else.
You're the man who talked SO much
about your motto being Hold the fort or
Stick to the ship, Or somthing like that"
My friend, l am acting in strict accord
ance with previously expressed senti-
ments, but you misquote me. Ny motto
is Never give up "-Washington Star
Il suppose" said the native Of Ameri-
ca to the foreigner, that you find our
Not exactly" replied the visitor, as he
gazed at a fleeing bicycle girl. What I
find interesting are your manners and
costumes. Washington Star.
In the midst of a stormy discussion a
gentleman rose to settle the matter in
dispute. Waving his hand majestically.
he began: Gentleman, all [ want is
common sense" EXACTLY interrupted
another; that is precisely what you
want.
But Sir Edward Clarke's retort in the
Jameson trIdl Is sui more 10 the purpose.
The attorney general had argued against
Sir Edward Clarke's points as being CON
trary to common sense. Sir Edward OBJ
jected. "Then you think" said the lord
chief justice, dryly, that common sense
has nothing to 90 with a legal point ?''
NO" replied Sir Edward, with that
quickness and felicity which never fails
him; 81 am only of Archbishop Whate-
ly's opinion, who said that common
sense is an authority to which everyone
appeals on any subject he does not fully
understand
"What kind of service do you get in
the dining room?" asked the newcomer.
Il really don't know" replied Miss
Smart. II understand, though, that the
head waiter is an Episcopalian. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
LOVES TREACHERY.