Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-06-13
FROM THE ARIZONA KICKER

Selections Made for The Star by NJ Quad
For the third time we have been elected
mayor of this town by the largest majority
ever given a candidate for any office. We
are the only man ever elected to a third
term as mayor. We think We can say
without egotism and without denial that
We are the only human critter in this ter
r!tory who has been picked up by en-
thusiastic multitude after the ballots were
counted and carried half a mile on the
shoulders of eminent statesmen.
Mngnifying Tribe.
The reports telegraphed arouai the coun-
try the other day TO the effect that the
MAYOR of this town (who is ourseiD had
been thrown out of "a wn1ow at meeting
of the common council contain only a
small grain of truth. AS presiding officer
of the council we refused TO entertain
motion which was clearly out OF order.
Simultaneously with our refusal we reach
ed Tor our gun, but al once discovered that
1t had been left at the Office. Xix aldermen
at once drew down on US and demanded
that We entertain the motion, and not be-
ing anxious to be made a fshnet of we
promptly and cheerfully compiled. No one
was thrown out of window. No one was
shot No one struck blow. Six aldermen
simply biuffed the mayor TO a sIandstiIl for
the first and only time in his life, and Tie
business of the corporation proceeded after
the usual program.
At the next meeting of the council we
snail have at least two guns. but We do rot
anticipate any trouble. There have been
several occasions when we held The SIX al
dermen up and satisfied them Of the sound
ness of our position, and we have faith
That we can do il again. We admit that We
lost prestige in the ;.ffair, but with six
guns looking at us we had to lose some
.a1h
prestige go.
lie Got Away.
stranger from down the country en-
tered the Big Bear restaurant "Wednesday
noon and sat down to dinner, and after Civ
ing his order called for a napkin with a
SKY blue border. 1t has always been the
custom for guests at the Big Bear to wipe
their mouths on their coat tails or the cor
ner OF the liable. and the STRANGERS request
could not be compiled with. He was offer
ed piece OF coffee sack, but he insisted on
raising a row and was fin lily put out of
doors. In the struggle to get him out he
sta Died a waiter named Bolt in the Shout
or In the excitement and confusion over
TINS the fellow was allowed 10 get away
ABOUT nifty Indignant citizens male a long
search for him. but he had probably taken
10 the nils. Other towns should he On the
LOOKOUT Tor him. He is lust as ant 20 de-
inand lump sugar or real cream as 10 ask
for a napkin, and ii is evident that he mas
entered the territory to retdrd her pros
perity and demoiish her SACRED institutions
He Is a square shouldered, chunky man
with yaller eyes and red face and in
case ne Is iynched We trust that some one
OF the crowd Will send US full account
Take No Chances.
We are in receipt of a letter from
young man in the east who says he desires
to come out here next summer and hunt
the grizzly bear. II. hunting the grizzly ne
always wears a full dress suit and carries
a gold headed cane. and he wants 10 know
if there would be any objection TO il
around here. In a fatherIy way we would
ADVISE the young man to stay in the east
and hunt Sia shoppers The grizzly bear
might or might not raise objections TO be-
ing hunted by such hunter. cur people
might be paraiyZed into inactivity by the
sight of such a novelty. or they might turn
loose and begin to shoot. There is no tell
ing just how things would go. ami for that
reason the Young man had better keep
away and take no chances. We once put
on pug nat TO pursue grizzly and he
turned TO and ran four NILS and we
once walked down Apache avenue with a
pair of russell shoes on and had them shot
OH our feet Stay east, Young man-stay
east.
The Cold Snub.
We We're not a the Eat horne" given hy
Mrs. Colonel Powell at her abode on CO.
chise place last Monday evening. As
rule. nothing of the sort is given in this
town without our advice and assistlrce as
We are the only person posted on etiquette.
The lady left us off her list in order to give
Us the cold snub and prove that our as
sistance was not necessary to pull off
successful function. AS a result the whisky
was served from a demijohn. the napkins
We're not correctly folded. and the rabbit
salad was brought on hot and had neither
lettuce nor cabbage mingled with it, The
aHair broke up two hours earlier than
u uai' ana some one stole the demijo.n and
two boxes of cigars.
We took the snub in silence but YESTERDAY
an ohicer arrived here and took the colonel
away TO Iowa to stand trial.tor enbezzIe-
neht We can be socially snubbed. but
there viii always be an afterclap. SOM,
ioiAS are ntte1 by nature to lead scc;efy-
oiherS must follow. We are one who leads
We know all about ii. down 10 how maIy
slices of lemon should swim in The nrncb
DoWi, and though we have no desire Ia
FORGE our presence upon any gathering. il
VIII he just as well to have our name on
me list "f guests and permit us 10 n. S Y.
+. and SO forth.