The morning times., 1896-06-07

on Mars. and IL turned immediately red,
and 1t has been 50 ever since Then God
said Ley Us make woman after Our Own
image and there was no man there 10
preveE. the making of woman as the first
Of human beings Woman wds the first man
nn Mars, and it was after dinner on the
first day when she took her wheel and
rode I~Cund the shell walks OF the garden.
She rode well and rode long. until she struck
Il cast off horses hoe ana one Of the up
turned nails thereof made a hole in the
front tire and leI out the laughing gas.
She sat Immediately down and cried. and
hehoi q thing with an air pump. sticking
plaster, baby carriage. some cooking
utensils. a Clothesiine, q water bucket, an
AK tD chop fine wood. bow and arrow
aud pair of wnrsted socks came slowly
dUwG; the walk. and they Were wed right
there ia the presence Of the horned snake
and the cOCkatOO.
The man Of Mars. therefore, came into
the game badly handiCappef, carrying the
impeji' mentS Gf the whole future human
lace HI. was made. created or evolved as
the sec Ond violin 20 the music of the Mlr
tian = oman, in which respect the ethnn-
logical ana psychological conditions there
are terribly different from our existing
conditions. The Martian woman is the in
telleCtual force of the planet, while from
the very beginning man was the beast Of
burden. the newer uf wood, the drawer
uf water. No man is admitted 10 the Met
-rOpulitan or Cosmos clubs of Mars.
II is for this reason that our snap shots
show the male bird OF Mars less gaudy
of pIumage. less erect OF form, and in
general somewhat idiOtiC. even when COM
pared with our cases of AnglO-mania, and
what might he called gay pareSls. Hence
we find him, after 10000 years of meas
Urlng up and sizing up with the woman
OF Mars. still a puny masculine embryo.
He is dressed still i'll the rudimentary gar
ment which is like the long discarded
chemise of the Aryan races His hat is
like the sugar loaf worn 10y the women OF
the age of Falstaff. or like the unSightly
headgear of the celestial mandarin.
There are some evidences of the ap-
pearance of the new man" on Mars. The
calves OF the legs of this creature are
abnormally large, and he wears his petit
coat terribly decOllette about the neck.
The conservative reform party is, how
ever, merely meditattng a change from the
seamless petticoat To the garment worn
by the members OF the Academy of 5 ciences
at the Marian capital. We know that the
educational, literary, meChani cal, and
bellies lettres institutions OF Mars are al
taught by women. They have so far i'm
proved the male race that before the next
VlSlt OF the planet some OF Ine more du-
vanCed male graduates may he admitted
to school boards and as trustees of kinder
gartens. The last report OF the national
superintendent OF education shows that
men have made the best trained nurses
and clerks i'll the cloak departments OF
the representative dry goods houses of the
capital.
1t has already been possibly observed
i'll these sketches that the United States
has been discovered by the eagle eye OF
the female astronomers of Mars. The lady
at the blackboard is giving a pay lecture
on Washington, of which they evidently
have some pretty accurate notions. The
woman dressed in the black gros grain
chemisette and brown illusion stockings is
lecturing on the public buildings Of Wash
ington She is telling the audience that
the great building, which we call the Capt.
to-, is the National Insane Asylum of Ter
tia-that is, the eartn, being the third
planet from the sun.
She also says that the last observations
, made Indicate that the inmates are about
to be taken out and given an excursion
into the interior. She points also TO the
White House as our National Asylum for
the Deaf and Dumb. while she regards st.
Elizabeth's as the great national univer-
sity for the elevation OF the male race.
These vagaries are not So wide OF the
mark as the English press, considering