The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1896-03-28

| had none at the bank.
New York Herald.
Hoax-"Why do you call Col. War.
bluffs wife peach? She's not hand.
some" Joax-"No; but she gets around
the kernel SO easily and naturally.
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Wagglcs-'Doesn't your hus.
band suffer dreadfully with rheuma-
tismr Mrs. Wiggles-"Yes. but it's
nothing to what the rest of us have to
endure. '-SomeryilIe Journal.
Fuddy- there's Boojum over
there Wonder if that is his wife with
him." Duddy-"Of course not. Don't
you see that he is carrying all the par
GELS ;'-Boston Transcript.
"How do you sell this music paper?,
asked the customer at the stationery
store. I'm not certain about it, said
the new clerk. "but | think we sell II by
the choir."-Chicago Tribune.
The gay cravat which she selected
VIII leave him soon wreck.
While he with truth remarks, detected.
"I'll get it in the neck"
Washington Star
"This is a sad occasion for Won. Sis
ter" essayed the comforter. Il allow
it is assented the widow. "But 1t is
heap sadder for Acknowledgements
Journal.
Uncle Bob-"What you going to be
when you become man, Tommy"
Tommy-"Im going to be soldier. COS
then | can fight all | want to without
being spanked for it."-Harper's Bazaar
Junior Partner-"Why did you give
drummer the job Of collecting debts
for our firm? Do you think he is any
goodY Senior Partner-"Well. he col
lected debt from me the other day
Truth.
He-"Do you love me well enough to
be my wife," She-"More than that. I
love You well enough to be your mother.
Haven't you heard that I'm going to
marry your fatherY'-Boston Tran.
script
HE must be worth at least a hun
dred thousand dollars, mamma" How
do you know" HE told me his for
tune ended in five ciphers. HIN.
Maybe it begins with one. too."-Wash-
ington Star.
Sing heigh-ho the hollyw
Thus sung the old time bard:
OF course he found ii jolly
Not to buy it by the yard.
Chicago Record
Hary-What girl was that you had
Ill tow last evening? Willy Indignant
ly)-What you are pleased to call tow
Is usually spoken of by people Of cul-
ture as blonde tresses.-Boston -Traus-
crlpt
Bobbie-Father will be down in a mo-
ment. Have a cigar? Won Blumer--
Are you sure these are the kind ,he gives
TO his friends; Bobbie-Yes. SIR They
are some that mother gave lirl-New
York Herald.
Miss Beckon-I wonder why Man
nger b has so much trouble with
his leading lady! He never used to
nave. Miss Hubb-Why. don't you
know? The idiot married her at the
end of last season.-Boston Courier
He woke. his sleep with trouble fraught.
And heard an awful sound. He thought
The day of judgment come;
Then he remembered he had bought
His little boy drum.
Judge.
You're a crank and theater dudew
shouted the fierce-looking man in the
SLOUGH hat. That's what you arei
You're a dandified Pingreer "I'm a
potato masher, am I?' roared the 9th
err lunging at him.-Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. Keep Cash-Did you write that
man who advertises to show people
how to make desserts without milk and
have them richer? Mrs. Cash-Yes. and
sent him the dollar. ''Nhat did he re-
ply?' Use eam."-West Medford
Windmill.
Now is the time" said the. patriotic
boarder, FOR some one to get up ma
tional air that shall be distinctly Amer
lean" Whats the matter already
asked the Cheerful Idiot, with You
Can't Play in Our YardY "-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
Jones-To -morrow will be the first
Sunday of the year, and propose to be-
gin the new year by going TO church.
Mrs. Jones-You had better take me
with you Jones-What for? Mrs.
!ones-You may need somebody to icen-
tify youthful
Il have only myself to blame said
Rivers. shaking the moisture from his
garments and shivering. 'The wealth
er man gave fair warning 1t would be
fair and warmer and l came down
town with my light overcoat and no
umbrella."-Chicago Tribune.
Papa" inquired small girl at the
dinner table the other evening. whats
a millionaire? Dorothy Smith said TO
me to-day Your fathers million
aire.' what did you sayf' asked the
small girls father. ION, l jus SAID
Sos yours New York Evening sun
"All l demand for my client, shout
ed the attorney. in the voice oil nlai'
who was paid for 1t, lis justice. nl
very sorry l can't accommodate you,
replied the Judge, but the law won
allow me to give him more than -FOUR