Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1896-03-24
PERKINS ON kve.
rus Glj EAT PREyARIcAron TELLS SOME
rRulHs ABOUT THE MIRTH MAKER.

first met Edgar Wilson Nye fifteen
years aIzo while passing through Lara
mic. wTo. Mr.. Nye was then practic-
ing law and making his first reputation
as A tmmorist through editorials aud
paragrkphs In his weekly Boomerang.
These editorials were irresistibly quaint.
Eyerydne was reading his newspaper
and e,leryone loved the genial writer.
lie newer had but one enemy, and that
was tbl editor Of the Democratic news
paper :lcross the way. This man sa~
nothiuk funny In Nye. He wasted col
umns Jeekly calling Nye, To his great
AMUSEMENT. ian idiot from Moosehead
Lske.u
Bill I'VE was then, as ever afterward,
delic...e and retiring man. when l
asked fim Why the rival editor called
him suth names. he said:
"wdtl he Is Democratic editor and
has 10 be precise 10 his statements.
was bern on Moosehead Lake, In Maine,
and CHEW up among the indians and
ratties Lakes of the West"
IL sje YOU are lawyer a. well as an
editor.t said
"I.l. practiced law about year.
but" he added. without changing
muscl.l nobody knew much about II
here; kept IL very quiet. ! have been
iustile OF the peace in Laramie for six
yesrs.t
Ibid you ever marry anyone!"
"Ohl YES. 1 married my wife. and after
that fused to marry others and then
try IN, I'm for their offences"
Nothing that the humori.t had very
white Teeth, remarked upon their reg
ularitu and whiteness, and asked him
What Aept them 40 white. "Oh that's
NATURE" he said. "All teeth remsin
white II they are properly taken care OF.
OF copEse. / never drink hot drinks, al
WAYS brush ms teeth every morning and
evening", avoid all acids, and, although |
am IS hears old, my teeth are a. good a.
ever"
ADJ this il all YOU do to keep your
teeth ihite:" asked.
"wJll, yes-that Is barring the fact
that but them In glass OF soft water
nightI
The|atteutiou OF The public was first
calledto the humorist's writings on &C
count; OF his vigorous Euglish. His
llNngu|ge was Of the wild West order.
For example: The professor OF rational
psychklogy OF Boulder College wrote TO
The B,lomerang and asked the editor the
auestsbn what is literatureg'
"'What Is literature" exclaimed Bill
pointing half contemptuously at the col
umns III the Boomerang. What u III
eratunb:' Cast your eye over these logic
,mhueh columns. YOU sun dried savant
from the remote precincts. Drink AZ the
/ neyertailiug Boomerang springs OF Tor
gotto,i lore. Won drowsical wart OF a
false Ind erroneous civilization. Re I'd
our address to Sitting Bull, or our ode
IN ihelBusted Suoot OF shattered We
nus dJ Milo II you want 10 I'LL up your
soul With high-priced literature. Don't
90 arlund hungering for literary pie
while your eyes are closed and your
canacibus ears are iilled with bales OF
hay
An I.nglishmhn was taking Win UT
I'VE IN Laramie about Engilsh aho
American humor.
"Inny opinion" said the EnglishmsD,
1.-The iIumor Of the nhed States. II close
ily examined, will be found 10 depend, In
a gr,ht measure, on the ascendency
whichIthe principle OF utility has gained
over he Imagination OF rather im-
aginaitye people"
"Jult so, replied Bill. and, accord
ing tolmy best knowledge, the humor OF
England, IL closely examined, will b,
foundIiust about ready to drop over the
picket fence into the arena. but never
quite snaking connections. IL We scau
the English litesry horizon we will find
tn. hlimOrist up tree. depending from
a .hafb knot thereof bv the slack Of hi
oyernIs. He /. lust out Of sight At the
time ybu look In that direction. He Away:
has a han working In his place how ever
The az I'm who works In his place, Is pairing
dow n The half sole and newly pegging a
Joke that has recently been sent in by ths
foreman for repairs
ON he occasion OF nv visit 10 Laramie
Mr.. NEe introduced me % nv Laramie
audiel|ce. His introduction was like this
Ladies aud Gentlemen ! am glad IL Ia:
deyolJed upon me tonight Ia annOunc,
that We are 10 have an interesting lecture
on living hv one OF the most distinguish
ed-(ihcre was a pause, for Mr.. Nye''
infection indicated that he had finished,
and ,iIe audience roared with delight, &c
that "A WAS some time before the sen
tenee was completed Lecturers from
the Isl st"
Mr.. Nye continued: 'We have ou'
ordinS|ry country liars In Laramie, bal
Mr.. Ptrkius comes from the metropolis
Our eIery day liars have a fine record
We arb proud Of them. but the uncul
tiyatel liars Of the prairie cannot be- ex
pected TO cope with gifted and mort
polisli,d prevaricators from the cultured
East. Ladies aud gentlemen, permit m,
10 int pduce 10 YOU Eliar Perkins"
"I.aties and gentlemen, said in re
plv, u feel Justly battered by your Lar
annie ilumorist's tribute TO my yeraclty
but TRULY am not ~ great liar a. Mr.
Nye-l +" and then | seemed 10 falter
The Audience saw nv dilemma and ap
plaudld. and fiually couldn't finisi
the sel,ence for the moment, but con
tinuinE | said Il am not as big iii
a. MrlNye-would have YOU think"
A div or two after this picked up the
BoomIrang and read this paragraph:
when Eli Perkins was passing
throu4h Laramie he said he was trav
cling Tor his wife's pleasure
"'Tben your wife is with you: sug
gested our reporter.
"'Oh, no. said Ell, she is in New
York. /" Eli Perkins in New York Sun