The herald., 1896-01-01
SCHOOLMASTERS' SALARIES
A Disquisition on the Ills of the Peda.
gOgue
Theatricals Being Novels in Condensed Form
Hutch " ants THIN Given at One
Call of the Doctor

EDITOR HERALD:-The decent portion of
the public is greatly pleased at the general
conduct of the present campaign against
the pluaderers of the ''pub,i, crib" or the
leeches that fat,en on the blood of the
body polite, or whatever the useless incu-
bus may be called.
Now, the reason for including the public
school teachers in The list of vampires, is
not clear to the minds of many good people.
For several years have fou I'd it espe-
dient to work with the teachers of the pub
lie schools. hope that our endeavors may
not lie in the same direction much longer,
and I am reasonably cease at an
opportune season. l have never been
charged with using praire with mucn liber-
ality--especially praise of teachers.
say the following deliberately, and with
neither an ak to grind nor with any use for
an AK | decapitate my victims with a
buzzard's quillotine.
4 * =
The public school teachers of this coun-
try are the OILY public officials who are
really required to earn their money; they
are the only Officials who, are rgidly ex-
amined as to mental, moral, phys cal, edu-
callonal, and combinational qualifications
for their positions.
They are the only people who are COM
PEELED to run the gauntlet of test and ex-
animation and application and age
and personal appearance and re-
ligion and ''irreligion'' and race
and color and sex and new school boards
and irate parents and every body's children
and ig ignorance, and superstition and poll.
tics and temperance and intemperance,
and his satanic majesty incarnate-all and
singular in every tribe and community
wherever they wander, every year and
4
till death mercifuly tears the pedagogues
limb from limb and gives them rest.
r 4 r
The chief qualifications of other public
servants are: ExpsrtnesS at c>unting
noses 10 make it appear that the majority
have noses of certain shade; to color
such numners of noses as may be tempo
rarily useful for counting purposes: to
Which list is sometimes added the ability
to translate simple E glish words in course
print into mumbllng, or into pigeon Eng.
lish or gibbersh, and to make legal
signature Oh a receipt for salary.
X 4 3
The latter educational qualifications are
not always required and are quite fire.
quently answered by proxy or deputy.
If any common qualifications have
pied. The teacher is the only offici II
whose hands may not even get an extra
nubbln from the ''pubiic crib" or peanut
from the public ''sack," or a "divy" from
the public divee.
Public school teachers are human beings,
and as a consequence they do not usually
know very much, but believe that, even
such AS they are, they are in the aggregate
the most capable, most honest, most
patient, most earnest, most respectable,
most miseraby requited, least appreciated,
and most worthy of respect, honor, confi-
a. g t,u
bodies of workers that are employed on
one class of work in this world.
speak for ,he "agsreg ,te" only. Wher-
ever repti es and other creeping things are
numerous some are apt to be venomous.
r = r
Our theatrical troupes must soon abbre-
viate their plays or give the stories i'll the
serial, or continued, form. Most people
attend the theaters to get novels in con-
densed form and HOMEOPATHIC doses. Let
the dose be given at one cal of the doctor.
Lately the types made me seem TO say
tina, Dolly Mobiles was ''charmng in
thrilling tragedy and danger aud desp ,ir."
| wrote that she was thrilling in tragedy,
danger and desp.ir.' she is charming,
but not in tragedy. She has face so
sweet, kindly and expressive that man,
no matter how good or how bad, WHO
could look upon her without being made
be ter, should be hung up at once; the
bad man Because OF such conclusive evil
denc of total depravity, the good man be-
cause of such positive proof that he is too
good for this world and should not longer
be subjected to it's trials or run the risk of
being contaminated by It's influence.
4 4 =
Now, let the city librarians devise some
scheme whereby sick people who cannot
,, visit the city hall to sign the record book
u ay still get cards, showi that even
though sick, they are entitled to read good
books.
q y =
Besides, I think it necessary to bury
| Tyndall and to build schoolhouses.