Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-07-30

The glorious Fourth has passed away,
The day dawns bright with cheers
The small boys chances TO survive
Are good for one more year.
Washington Star.
Poet-How do you know the editor
isn't in? ice-boy-From your looks.
Puck
First Tramp-Wuz you ever married?
Second Tramp-Well, l jist wish l had
all the alimony l owe.-Puck
Weren't you surprised when he pro-
posed"' NO; why should be?' "Ey-
erybody else was. Harlem Life
Never Touched Her: He--Don't you
ever tire of talking? She Quickly
1t depends upon who is talking
Artist-That man Bacon offered me
SIP for that largest painting of mine.
Caller-Oh, then you've had it framed?
-Yonkers Statesman.
ut is simply astonishing the way the
bicycle is displacing the horsev' 1T is,
indeed. Yesterday 1 found a piece of
rubber tire in my sausage" -Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Brown-Haye you read this article
upon "How to Tell a Bad EggY' Jones
No, but if you have anything to tell
a bad egg, my advice is to break it
gently.-Up-to-Date.
Miss Rechere Gndignantly)--Did you
tell Jim Jackson dat eff he married me
he'd hab a white elephant on hees
hands2 Miss Snofaike-No, indeed,
didn't. Do yO' fink Use color-blind?-
Puck.
Anxious Why, do you use the eV-
preston funny joke? Aren't all jokes
|. funny? .Editor-Not by long shot.
The jokes that other fellows get off
at you're expense are never funny
Truth
cit seems to me, Miranda" mildly
observed Mr.. Meeks, ''these cakes
would be considerably improved by the
addition of a little more ginger" $50
would you, William" briefly responded
Mrs. Meeks.-Chicag Tribune,
''Well, girls, Jack and I are to be
married at last and we are SO happyw
did you and Jack have some trouble
IN getting your fathers consent?" mo,
papa and [ had lot of trouble in get
ting Jacks consent Exchange
Mrs. Brown-1 have been so annoyed
at my husband. He has been at the
club every night for a week. Mrs.
Jones Why, SO has my husband, and
he said he hadn't seen anything of your
husband for a week.-Brooklyn Life.
she-It seems strange that men are
no longer willing to do deadly combat
for the love of a woman. He-Ain't it
queer, though? Especially when wom-
en- have so much more money of their
own these days !-Indianapolis Journal.
II once knew a man." said the i'm
aginativ boarder, "who was SO fat that
he was actually taller lying down than
when he was standing up. What do
YOU think of that?' ut strikes me-"
said the cheerful idiot, "as pretty tall
lying Indianapolis Journal.
A Dangerous Text: ''WelI, Uncle
Rasbury, how did you like the sermon?'
"Pow'ful fine sermon, Marse john"
'Where did the preacher take his
text? "Frum dat potion oh de Scrip
ture whar de Postol Paul pints his pis-
toll to de Fesions. Washington Times.
Fair Patient-Is there no way Of tell
ing exactly what is the matter with
me? DR.. Emdee-Only post-mortem
examination would reveal that Fair
Patient-Then, for heavens sake make
one I don't see why I should be
squeamish at such time as this.-Pick-
Me-Up.
Modern society," observed the young
man. contemplat 'has revised
most of the old-time proverbs" YES"
observed the chaperon, to whom he had
just handed an ice, for instance, now
adays we say, When the husband
comes in at the door, the lover flies out
of the window "-Exchange.
First Summer Girl--Are you going to
that old Christian Endeavor meeting
this evening? Second Summer Girl
Yes, indeed! Haven't you heard the
subject to be discussed? First Summer
Girl-No; what is it? Second Summer
Giri-"How to Hold Our Young Men,"
New York Press.
''Rastus. you Internal niger, you
told me that mule was perfectly safe,
and when l went into the stable he
nearly kicked the top Of my head off. .
Eyes, sab; / sayed de newl wuz safe,
sab. But eff yo' kin reccollect, didn't
say muffin about wedder it was safe
in his vicinity. Dat mewl is able
enough to be safe anywhar.r Wash
ington Star