The National tribune., 1896-07-23

Go long lazy niggerl
You mighty powfu slow;
You'll never koteh a chicken
IF you don'l git up en- gol
Atlanta Constitution.
-
compliment IL largely question of age.
To call a woman hen srouses her rage.
To call her daughter a chick delights her,
To term the mo her n witch exeites her,
The same to her daughter sptes her,
Likeness TO a cat the mother insults,
Compared TO a kitten the maiden exults.
s*s
San Francisco Argonaut: The latest story OF
German thrift" is told at the expense OF the
proprietor of a circulating library, who charged
for the wear and tear his books suffered at the
hands of his patrons. One volume came back
to his scrutiny.
"See here" he said, there's hole page
10 of my beautiful book. And see here" be
went on, turning over the leaf, there's an
other on page 90"
~
San Francisco 4rgona,t: President Lincoln
reached Meade station, near Petersburg, soon
after a serious battle, in which about 1000 Con-
federates were made prisoners Gen. Meade
and Col. Geo. d. Ruggles accompanied him. On
their way TO Headquarters they rode to point
where they could see tho large assemblage of
prisoners. Among them were many colored
servants and laborers.
"Mr. Lincoln" said Gen. Meade, 81 guess
that Ruggles did not overestimate the number
of men captured"
Mr.. Lincoln deliberately stopped his horse
and he crowd
"Yes, General, the number is there, in black
and white"
Cincinnati Enquirer: at is simply astonish-
ing the way the bicycle is displacing the
horse"
ut is, indeed. Only yesterday 1 found
piece of rubber tire in my sausage"
-
Exchange: Post-Is the editor inf
Office Boy-No, he amt.
Poet-How do you know he's notf
Office Boy-By your looks.
New York Press: First Summer Girl-Are
you going to that old Christian Endeavor meet
ing this EVENING"
Second Summer Girl-Yes, indeed; haven't
you heard the subject to be discussed
First Summer Girl-No what is itp
Second Summer Girl" How to Hold Our
Young Men"
"Boils," said the landlady, "aro sign of
weakness"
:" Just so. when your coffee boils, madam"
said the Habitual Grumbler.
Truth: "Let me take the blamed thing
home" said the patient, as the dentist relieved
him OF molar. 81 want to poke it full of
sugar and see it ache"
New York Weekly: Mrs. Minks (severely)-
George, there is account in the paper about
a business man leaving his wife and running
off with pretty typewriter girl.
Mr.. Minks-Indeed2
YES; and it's the third account Of the kind
Pve seen this week"
q That doesn't interest me-"
st does me. You have pretty typewriter
girl in your Office"
No we haven't. My partner eloped with
Der last week"
A good one on Bland. The telegraph report
ed that Bland, during the Chicago Convention, I
WAS at home pruning his grapevines-" Horny
handed farmers Immediately thought if that |
were true he is as bad horticulturst as finsn.
,ier. No intelligent man prunes grapevines in
July.
Truth: Maxi swear to heaven that you are |
he first woman | ever kissed
Della with a sigh That's the trouble with |
his miserable season of year. One has to
,roak in so much new material, and for some
,ther Summer girls benefit, likely as not.
50
Truth: She-Oh, Jack, do you know that
Mr.. Gibson punctuated his tire yesterday
He-You mean punctured, my dear.
She-Anyway, he came to full STOP
e.
New York Press Destiny hayat last thrown
Up it's contract with Grover Cleveland.
Chicago Times-Herdid: If Samson had had
jawbone he would not have left
'hilistine alive.