The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-03-29
TALE OF A ROUND TABLE.
CONSEQUENCES THAT ATTENDED 4
VISIT To Az AUCTION.
Envy Excited by Round Dinner
Table and Things That Happened
in the Course OF an Effort TO DupIi-
rnIe IL

From the New York Sun.
It began with the dinner which the
Bronxes gave 10 the Spuyten Duyvils The
Bronxes had a new round dinner table,
and Mrs. Spuyten Duyvil talked about it
on the way hoIle. She talked about 10
more the next morning a. breakfast while
her husband was buried in his newspaper.
The Spuyten Duyvils' dinner table had
square corners.
"A round one looks much nicer" Mrs.
Spuyten Duyvil said "and. really. it takes
up much less room"
YES" from behind the newspaper.
eve can't seat more than six people at
our table" she went on. for there is
room for only one at the head and foot
A round table would do for eight nicely
Now suppose we had eight at dinner
'Yes." from behind the newspaper
Besides. a round table IS much more
stylish" she continued.
Yes. from behind the newspaper
$50. don't you think had better buy a
round table?" she asked.
Yes" from behind the newspaper.
do you know what2" she exclaimed.
as an idea flashed upon her. THE auction
rooms, I can get one at auction for S25
that would cost SlO0 or $50 at a furniture
YES" from behind the newspaper
Then. if you say so. I'll do it to-day
You'd better give me S25 now. You'd bet
ter let me have the money now she re-
peated, raising her voice as Mr. Spuyten
Duyvil continued 10 be busted in his news
paper.
What money!" asked Mr.. Spuyten Duyyil
hastily.
Spuyten Duyvil impatiently.
The tablet" repeated Mr.. Spuyten Duy
vii, laying down his paper with some APP
prehensiOn.
Mrs. Spuyten Duyvil looked at her hus-
band with every indication of a storm
about 10 break
DO you mean" she began, with a
Guaver in her voice and tears in her eyes,
TO say that you haven't been listening to
mo, no. no" broke in her husband.
THE table. of course, of course i only
meant about the-er-er-Whether that was
the thing, you understand. What excel
lent coffee this Isl That's a stunning break
fast Jacket you've on, and do YOU know,
my dear, you're growing prettier every
day. by George, you are!' and so, with
honeyed words Mr.. Spuyten Duyvil paid
over the SIS and departed for business, a
sadder IL not wiser man.
That evening his wife met him with
"Oh. Spuytenw she cried. "Quickl get
an ak and come and see it, It's too lovely
for anything, you dear fellowi'
What's too lovely for anything" de-
picion born Of experience.
II hadn't been for you I'd never have gone
TO the auction, and I'd have missed the
greatest bargain that ever was"
The auction he said obviously. "Oh,
its the table, is it2"
Without enthusiasm he followed his wife
down into the kitchen. where he found
the cook circling, with eyes full of an ap-
preaching change of employers, around
big, unclean hogshead. He noted the hui
NOR OF the cook. Remembered how we'll she
understood what he liked for breakfast.
and eyed the hOgShead with growing dis
favor.
"Umphl" he grunted Table in there?
OF table II must be-"
1T isn't a table. goose" dubbed Mrs
spuyten Duyvil,, IT'S the dearest sur
Mr.. Spuyten Duyvil, with great decision
OF manner laid down the ak with which
nc, was about to attack the hogshead.
"A surprise, is it?" he said with less en-
tnusiasm than ever. In that case we'd
better have dinner first. After eating I'll
be better able to bear up against II"
AIter dinner with a recklessness born
OF good eating, he attacked the hogshead
with the axe and took off the head. In
SIDE there was hay. He took out hay
until the cook executed her purpose of
giving warning.
ITS bad enough" she explained. ito
try to work with bari that size in the
Kitchen. But no decent girl could stand
having the place Uttered up as 1t is"
After that he took out more hay.
DO you know, my dear" he said to his
wife, that if the house should be burned
down tonight we couldn't collect any
thing from the insurance company? They
would plead that we had vitiated the pol
Icy by opening a hay store here"
- paid them dollar to pack il with
"A little frightened
Then he took out hay until the kitchen
was filled. After that come a stratum of
excelsior. That was carried to the ex-
tension and stored there. In the middle
OF the excelsior were twelve small paper
covered bundles. Mrs. Spuyten Duyvirs
eyes lit up as she saw them.
Don't touch them you'll break themr'
she cried, and with her own hands I'M
wrapped one after the other and then
placed tenderly upon the table twelve big
cut glasses decorated with gold.
Theref she said proudly.
Mr.. Squyten Duyvi looked at the
glasses and then at his wife, and then
Aren' they eXquisite?" calculated Mrs.
Spuyten Duyvil. And how much do you
suppose paid for them? Two dollars
Ihere Twas, WASH BID for them, and then l
said Two dollars! and they were knock
ed down to me as quick as Jack Robin
1.-TWO dollars?" said Mr. spuvton DIV
vii, with reviving interest "Whv there
must be nearly two dollars worth of hay
there, and the hogshead's worth some
thing besides. Two dollars for all those
glasses, with the hay thrown in is cheap
You did well, my dear"
Don't be q dummy" returned . Mrs
Spuyten Duyvil pettishly. Cant YOU see
that that's solid 2-karat gold on the glass
esq There's two dollars worth of gold or
Sslth grass II 5 Two u0lIarS Tor each glass. ~
Mr. Spuyten Duyvil thrust his hands
deep into his trousers pockets, stared hard
At his wife as long as he dared and whis-
.%Two dollars apiece for twelve glasses
Is &4," he calculated, and 81 for packing
Is S55~ Where's the table?'
"a T,h1 sCr worth S to s. apiece" return.
ga e.s, Mrs. $puyten Duyvil with dignity
Ihere were no tables at the auction TO.
gay l wasnT fool enough to let such &
row.
= This was the. Commencement for Mr.
Supten Duyvil of neNQ stage of existence
one unreal wonderful, \Gnd various Fou1
times week his wife Nent to the auc
ton rooms to buy a rounA dinner table
and Mr.. Spuyten Duyvil neNSer knew n
advance what he was to enco&pfer uuor
his return home at night. Sometimes h,
stumbled in the dark over dinfnN room
chairs, which his wife had bought t !
bargain to set around the new dinner<a
BILE Sometimes il was only that he wa,
awakened by a bird which his wife hat
borrowed to put in handsome cage tina
she had bought at auction
Periodically he dined in the kitchen. be
hA dfafr,