Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-06-22
JUST FOR FUN.

| Sno-HOW DO you Cn1nK VIII iooA
when I am real old? He-Much as you
do now.
GA statesman said the Hon. Thos.
B. Reed, "is a successful politician
who is dead.''
The front wheel Of bicycle should
be called spride," for often it goes
before fall.
Strange, but my wife always wants
me to remember her birthday, but to
forget her age.
els your father rich, Miss Turnip-
tops?" erich? Every inch of barbed
wire on our farm is gilded."
Miss Bell-The bonds of matrimony
never pay dividend. Miss Nell-But
sometimes they pay alimony.
Don't you know it is wrong to fish
here on private grounds? Well, sir, the
line must be drawn somewhere.
She-I thoughtyou told me your sal
airy was $25 a week. He-Oh, no!
said earned S25, but only got So.
Smithers-I wish some one would
teach me to save money. Miss Hope
oh, Mr.. Smithers, this is SO sudden.
"Uncle Bob, what is a pedestrian?'
''Why, he is the fellow who makes
row when a bicyclist runs over him.
Jones-I hear you have asked your
minister to resign? Brown-Had to.
He pounded the pulpit so that we
couldn't sleep.
"Well, I'll have to tell you good by"
ooh, not now, George. Mother says
we mustn't make any noise until ia
Their gets to sleep.
cit is queer" said Mrs. Bloocher,
that a man can take enough interest
in his wife's letters to open them, but
not enough to mail them.
Teacher = Now, Patsy, would it be
proper to say, "You can't learn me
nothing? Patsy Yis'm. Teacher
Why? Patsy-'Cause yer can't.
Mrs Newbaby had little Algernon
weighed at the butchers, and the
wretch from force of habit said, 'Ten
pounds, maam, bones an all.''
"Wen,' said Snaggs, IT think many
dogs have more sense than their mas
ters'' eyes," chimed in Craggs, ~
have dog like that myself"
Tourist-What's the mean tempera
ture around here? Boomer-Stranger
thar amt any mean temperature
hyrabouts. It's allus delightful.
''I wonder if that report is true
about the vice PRESIDENT" "What is
it?" 'sThey say that at the end of this
term he will re-enter public life.''
Music Teacher Il don't know why
you are displeased. Your daughter
really sings very well.-Father-Yes
but how is it she never sings anything
but soprano?
Mr.. Pegg Long-A basket of patent
medicines! What on earth you got
'em for? Mrs. Doser's Boy-Ma's 60
ing to take 'em. She wants ter get
her picter in the papers.
Ardent Lover-If you could see my
heart, Belinda, you would know how
fondly- Up to Date Girl producing
Roentgen camera intend to see it,
George. Sit still, please.
''Mercy, Bridget, what's the matter
with these cakes?p 81 dun know,
num-" s'They taste of soap" eyes,
mum. 1 couldn't find the soapstone
griddle, an soaped the iron one"
Hannah, what are you standing
staring at me for? Didn't tell you
was not to be interrupted unless the
house was on fire?" "Well, mum, that
is it. 1t do be burning this half hour!"
Six years old Dick came in the other
day and said to his father: GA man
offered me $40 just now if I would eat
a Epig's foot Ten dollars! Whew!
Why didn't you eat it? commented
the father. It was on the pig, said
little Dick.
Mr.. Banker-You told me you want
ed to get off yesterday to go to fun
eral. Clerk-Yes, sir. Well, you lied
to me. You went to see base ball
game. Yes, sir, but it was funeral
all the same. The visiting team was
buried out of sight.
Young mothers dread the summer months
on account of the great mortality among chill
dren caused by bowel troubles. Perfect safe
ty may be assured those who keep on hand
DeWitt'S Collie and Cholera cure, and admin