Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-08-17
FACTS AND FANCIES.


hood. He pointed it out to the bishop,
and said that the person stood there
with lie on his back. well, replied
his lordship, you can hardly call it a
lie; but it is certainly false hood
WANTS IT BAD.
Man wants but little here below,
Ere he this life forsakes;
But if that little comes too slow,
What frightful row he makes!
Johnnie Tommy Jones don't know
how to swim. because his mother don't
want him to go near the water.
Mamma-"Well, Tommy is q good boy.
Johnnie-"Yes, he'll go to heaven the
first time he falls verboard.-Brooklyn
Life.
'What did the children of Israel do
after passing through the Red Sea =
asked New York Sunday school teach
Dried their clothes, I suppose" re-
piled Johnnie Chaffie.-Texas Siftings.
Husband-'Do you know, my dear, /
never get tired of looking at that photo
graph of you?"
Wife-"Why don't you have it framed
and hung up in the club?"-Tid-Bits.
''There has been another big fight, re-
marked the Spanish officer.
'How do you know"
Generals got ink on his fingers. -
Washington Star.
Lawyer-"What is your gross in
Gomez
Witness have no gross income"
Lawyer-"No income at all?"
Witness-"No gross income; I have
net income. l am in the fish bust
ness
.'They do say twas Bryan's ability ter
talk ez got i'm the nomination" said
Farmer Corntossel.
(Which goes ter show" his wife an
swered confidently, 'that sooner or later
the women is boun' ter hold an run this
country. Washington Star.
EYES," said the man who is always
depressed, business is very SLOW
I've heard some people say they were
prospering."
'Well, maybe they are. The only fell
bring around his bill and collect anything
on it lived in New Jersey. He was a
mosquito. ''-Washington Star.
Miss Podmore-''I see it says Miss As
torbilt wore piece of lace that was 200
years old!'
Granny Podmore 1.-TWO hundred
years old! Well, think Of it, now! and
them with all that money!
81 think Nell's new photographs must
look exactly like her.
"Why?'
Il
soul.''
"You would deceive the devil he
cried, petulantly.
''Had Eve possessed that accomplish
ment," she replied, complacently, I'VE
would have still been enjoying the pleas
ures of the Garden Of Eden. Wash
ington Times.
Friend "And are you now out of dan
ger?''
Convalescent-"N the doctor says he
will pay me two or three more visits.
Deacon Jasper-''Y our voice doesn't
seem to be quite so powerful as that of
our last preacher. Are you sure that
you can make all the congregation near
what you say!'
Candidate-"Well. not those who stay
at home" -Somerville Journal.
FORGOTTEN.
What changes mark a single year!
How favors smile and fee!
You mention 'Trilby," and they sheer,
And murmur, 'Who is She"
Fairfax-"I notice that there are very
few women at this place this year.
Hotel Clerk-''Yes. They have to stay
in town and attend to business. They
run down about once week TO see their
families, though. '-Philadelphia North
American.
Doctor latter spraying the ladys
throat)-"M Madam, it's pleasure to treat
you-you've got such fine control OF
your tongue"
The Patients Husband" Here. lets
have your BILL It's evident that you
don't know what you're talking about. =
Cleveland Leader
The first use of the word Strike in
it's present accepted sense occurred in the
London Chronicle for 1865. In Septem-
Der of that year are numerous references
to a great suspension Of labor IN the
Northern coa16elds. and the. golfers are
stated to have "struck OUT for higher
wages before entering into their usual
yearly bond.
''De We're is a thorough aristocrat,
isn't hep"
eyes: he has such a we'll bred way Of
not listening when you say anything to
him.
Smith, hear that your mother-in-
lazy is dangerously ILL"
but she is not as dangerous as when she
was well''
A PLEASING SUBSTITUTE.
l could not give my girl, alack,
A yacht to cross the ocean;
But then I've given her many smack
To prove my loves devotion.
"Papa, if we were living at the center
what makes you think so, my son ?
cause my geography says everything
there loses it's gravity
Bobby (reading fairy tale)-".May, here
it says, THE prince and the princess kept
up a brilliant fire of repartee. What
does that mean?'
May (aged 1O)-"Oh, that means that
they were married, and firing the tea
set at each other, s'pose.''
Kangaroo-"You had great luck last
year in getting your trunk through the
custom house without paying a duty.
Elephant-''Neverm mind; you have your
chance this year"
Kangaroo 'What do you mean?''
Elephant-"Don't you know this is
leap year?"
"Brutus,'' said Demosthenes. that
was a fine speech you made after assas-
sinating Caesar"
''Think 500" said Brutus, with smile.
''Well, I'll tell you, Demosthenes; there's
only one fault about that speech.
''What's that?' asked Demosthenes.
81 didn't say it" said Brutus.
Shakespeare faxed the whole business
-Harpnr'c Razar