The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-10-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Friend-"Doesi it pay to keep board
ers2" Boarding Mistress-"It does
if they do" Puck.
The most inquisitive people in tho
world are those composing the family
who live opposite. New York Adver-
tiser.
"Does your mother find time to ride
her wheel?" ''No, mammals too tired
after she gets through cleaning mine."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
1t is awkward when an absented-
minded man says to the night police
man: Goodnight. l hope you will
sleep we'll. Boston Globe.
Father r-"But do tell me, Alfred,
how could you fail again?" Son
"Well, you see, we had another ex-
animation. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
A man never needs vacation half as
much as when he has just returned
from one and is getting through his
frst days work.-New York Adver-
tiser.
"Why do you punch that hole in
my ticketP" asked little man of tho
railway official $50 that you can
pass through" was the reply.-Tit-
Bits.
"Vot langwidges!" exclaimed the
perplexed foreigner. ''You say it will
rain like t'under,' und, by Yorge, it
vos t'undering alretty !"-Chicago Tri-
| bune.
Friend-"How do you feel whom
your wheel throws you down" The
Lawyer (who is learning to ride)-
"Like suing somebo ody for damages. "
Puck.
Mrs. Grumpey-"Why do nearly oil
the people cry at weddings?" Grum-
pey-"Because most of them have
been married themselves. "-Detroit
Free Press.
~ "Was it homelike out where You
we're, HopkinsP" "Yes. One night l
thought I heard O burglar, and ]
couldn't find the matches to save my
life. "-Chioago Record.
"Yes; realize that Jack was fast
before our marriage, so l made allow.
ance for him." eyes; but how, prayY'
"Well, till recently by teaching music,
but I'm now trying stenography. -
Brooklyn Life.
al demand to be recognized |"
screamed the membress from the
Empty eighth District. impossible, ~
said the Speakress, looking freezingly
through her lorgnette. "The lady is
not in our set. ."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Mrs. Smithers," said the new
boarder, ''you ought to build a
house" "Where shall build it?
asked the unwary landlady. "On the
grounds in your coffee, Mrs Smithers,
was the response. "There's a half
acre IN my cup. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
When Bobbie Hlckenlooper returned
from the big dinner at the club the
other night he was unusually lively.
"What has got into you, Bob?" asked
Mr.. Hickenlooper, senior. "rhat. u
said Bobbie, handing him the menu.
"That, daddy, is my table of contents. u
-Harper's Bazaar.
Mr.. DeDude-"Cawn't / intwoduce
to you my friend, Arthur Wemington
He is literawy man, you knaw." Miss
De Belle-"Indeed!" Mr.. DeDude-
saw, yes, He sent the Society News
q list of the guests at the last party,
and the editah accepted it, bah Jove |!
New York Weekly.
Fenderson-"I consider it a good
rule, and it's one have tried to fol
low, to say bright things only once in
while; in that way my good things
are remembered. If l was all the time
getting o bright things they wouldn't
be noticed" Fogg-"A very good
rule; but. Fendy, don't you think you
observe it too olosely?"-Boston
Transcript.
"What an idiot human nature is in
general" said the cornfed philosopher,
as he leaned his chair against the wall
and appropriated the grocer's particu-
lar fan. "For instance, know of a
nineteen-year old boy who is right in
the throes and thrills of first love af-
fair, and still that kid is kicking be-
cause ne is not old enough TO vote. -