davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening times., 1896-07-11
THE sH1r1ER DID The RLs1

He was sad-eyed and shabby. His hair
was as long as his poem. They both needed
cutting. He shambled up to the editors
desk and announced that he desired an audi
ence. Without waiting for reply he began:
The sad musician struck the lyre.''
''Oh. he did," mumbled the editor, as he
clipped a special from one of the ex-
changes. did he strike him hard?"
''Sir, the musician struck the Tyre
We'll, I'm glad ne did. Some people think
they can call a musician any old name just
because hehappens to know Annie Rooney
from The Watch on the Rhine It's re-
freshing to see these smart AIecks called
down once in a while"
The poet gave a sigh at such an exhibition
of iEsipid bumor, and once more began to
read.
The sad musician struck the Tyre"
Bully for him. That's the second time the
liar got it from the sad musician. BY the
way. Sweetlines, why was the musician so
sad?"
He was about to seek oblivion in the
briny deep. and this was to be- his last song
"Ah, 1 see,' said the editor growing in
terested; said he was going to shuttle off
and then some one called him a liar. They
might have given him chance anyhow"
The poet looked disgusted, but after a
moments silence made another stab.
The sad musician struck the Tyre"
Say, that makes three strikes, and three
strikes, you know, is OUT
He then pressed the button of the new,
doubIe-acting. electric shifter. The floor
seemed to suddenly sink. and Sweetlines
found himself rapidly shooting the chute.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

The question whether or not brigade
is TO be held this summer is now under con-
sideration by General ordway, and his de-
cision will be made known in Il few days.
There is no question that, ordinarily, the
sentiment among officers and men would
they have not forgotten either the pleasure
or the profit they derived from the last one.
Although, of course, there is a good deal
of fun and frolic mixed up in these military
outings, yet they have an excellent effect
upon the military spirit aud discipline OF
the men, aud, for that reason, are 10 be
commended and encouraged The only
difficulty that was thought possibly TO be
The evening times., 1896-07-11
WARNED BY A THUNDERBoLT.
Maine Liquor Dealers Think PrOvi-
dence Interposed in Their Behalf.

dence lnterpOSeu.iu iHeir nehuii-
Nac York Sun.
The LIQUOR dealers Of South Brewer, Me-,
think that Rev. Mr.. Rainage, pastor or the
Congregational Church in their village, has
received u warning to let them alone. A
year ago Mr.. Ramage and the mill hands
were great friends. Crowds attended his
meetings, and contributed literally toward
his support. Last winter, when times werc
dull many men stayed around the barruonis
too long for tiieir good, and drunkenness
was common. 1t was then that Mr.. Raniage
started his crusade against the rum sellers.
IMurur tIIrte ii.e,i wrIr uIrestcu at Ills >ts-
gestiuu and all three uf tie barrooIns were
raided and the proprietors were fined. Mr..
Ramage kept righ, on visiting the saloons
and pra ying. Again and again the officers
made raids rnoing nothing. AT last une of
the liquor dealers, weary Of the pastors
energy, said lie hoped that lightning Would
strike so near to Mr.. Ramage that he
would get scared and quit.
This wish was expressed month ago.
Nothing came of it until Sunday, j une 81.
II was a hot day and Mr.. Ranage. exchang-
ing pulpits with the Holden minister. did not
get home until late. Then as the night was
sultry and the attendance was small, the
regular evening services were held in tlIe
chapel instead of the church. About
o'cltck. while Mr.. Rainage was talking 10
his people a bolt Of lightning struck the
spIre oI une church. followed down TO the
roof, and, breaking through the Ceiling, tore
up all the boards on The platform behind the
pulpit where Mr.. Ramage usually stood.
Had he been in his accustomed place he
would have been struck. Beyond Il doubt.
Since then the people have looked upon the
liquor dealer as a prophet, and speak to him
with respect when they ask for hard stuff
New York Sun.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
SAMPLES OF IRISH HUMOR.
Although Good -natured 1t Cuts Like
an Edged Weapon

Although GOUd-natured 1t Cuts Like
an Edged Weapon
You should get your ears Topped, BriaD,"
said smart tourist to an Irish peasant
whom he was quizzng; they're too large
for a man" AN hedad.r replied the Hi
berDian, Il was just thinkin' yours would
want to be made larger; sure they're too
small for an ass"
Barney" was a noted car driver ut a
weil-known Irish watering place. He Icld
that the salt waIther'' was v.S.Iy III proved
by mixture with drop of tie craythur."
but would not commit hims elf to the opinion
that the latter element gained anything by
the combination. He sometimes drank more
OF it neat than was wise or well for the
father of his weak family. One holiday, ,,after
aloDgdnveanda liberal fare, Barney turacd
into the best bar in town and asked for a
sprinkle, just to keep Gown The dust
The proprietor, who would rather have
ether customers than poor Barney, came
in aS the latter was raising the glass
Barney he said, I'D rather you
wouldn't he drinking, my boy You know
You We're sorry for il before. and suppose
you'll lie sorry for this, too" "Begorra,
1 might" rephed Barney: but sure IT'S
safer 10 he sorry for takin' it than :or
not takin' it,
In Il certain Irish college the student at
his oral exaninatio has to give his answers
from the pulpit before the board of exam
iUers. Once student, who had no mean
opinion of his attainments, ascended the
pulpit with Il rather seif-satisiiad and
hopeful air. The examiner, determined
TO lower him a little, piled him with q
series of "Stifr'' intrrrogations- Hardly
Il single correct answer was given, and
when his time Ead expired he descended
and returned to his place Crestfallen and
Inundated Now said the victorious
examiner when he caught the eye of his
victim again, '.if you had gone up as you
came down you'd have come down as you
went up
The evening times., 1896-07-11

is getting all She needs in that line from the
United States. In armor-picrcing projec-
tiles. also, our manufacturers have attained
enviabie proficiency, and we are deficient
only in great gun foundries. like that of
Krupp. SO, our japanese friends could sup
ply all their demands in the warship line,
save that of heavy armament, right. here,
without going any farther.
Something like fifty million dollars Is
available for the purchase OF these new
vessels for the Japanese navy, and it is
not unreasonable to expect that not less
than one half of that sum may be ex-
pended in this country if the matter is
properly managed. Nor should it be for
gotten that in the natural course Of events
China, also, must bring her navy up to a
point where it will be of use against her
progressive neghhor. In that direction, too,
some effective missionary work might be
undertaken, and orders secured for Amer
ican shipyards that would give employment
TO thousands of workmen.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
THE BRIGADE ENCAMPMENT.

in the way was n disagreement between
the general commanding and the Commits
sioners on the subject of finances, ani this,
it is understood. has been happily elimi-
mated from the consideration of the natter
There may be points to be taken into ae-
count. of course, that lie apart from the
Some of the Officers are reported To he of
the opinion that it is too late in the season
to make the necessary preparations, but
others take the ground that there is ample
time. and that the camp would afford de-
liGhtful interruption to the somewhat NJ
notonous courseo # city life in summer. Thus
the matter stands. and in n few days will
be decided one way or another.
The evening times., 1896-07-11


As the Luxe OF Wellington was standing
one day opposite hls Eouse in Piccadilly,
waiting an opportunity to cross the street,
an entire stranger to him Offered his arm
to the duke to assist him in crossing. Al
though Wellington hated assistance of any
kind. he accepted the strangers arm, and
the latter, havinGs secured passage by
signing TO the drivers OF. the vehicles to
stop, conducted the great mon in safety
across the street II thank you. SIR" said
the duke. releasing his arm and proceeding
to his house dcor- But the stranger. in
stead OF moving off, raised his hat and de
livered himself 10 the following effect:
Your grace. have passed long and mot
uneventful life. but never did l hope to
reach the day when 1 might be of the
slightest assistance to the greatest man
that ever lived" Don't be a damned fooli"
responded the duke, and turned on his
heei.-Exchange.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

circus when he was seven years old As
soon as lie could he went back and got u
sister. Afterward they were Joined By the
twoother sisters. That is also husband and
wife now doing the double trapeze act.
while the Zedoras comprise quite q
large family, including Alar. the human
arrow. In fact, 1 can scarcely think of
any one connected with the circus who
in not accompanied by one or more OF his
family.
What about your social life, Mrs.
Meers? Do, you stop at the same hotels
anu mingle much with one another?''
I'VE usually are at the same hotels
and are together as much as possible, but
we have very little time. At Z O'Clock in
the morning We begin to get ready for the
parade, after which comes lunch, with but
little time between that and the afternoon
performance. e'all meet at dinner but
the interim before the evening performance
Is snort, and we people are obliged to
Keep good hours in order to be in condition
Tor our work Circus people, you know, must
he the most temperate, the most moral. the
niost systematic of people. The moment n
performer gets into bad company, begins to
keep late hours, or drinks ever so little
he goes to pieces"
DO your daughters follow any special
regime as to diet and slecp?'
IN Il way they do. We live very quiet
simple, regular lives. The girls are very
FOND OF the bicycle, and get their out-of
doors exercise that way. As to diet, they
eat plenty of good beef, and very little rich
food or sweets
And about your horses?''
We really take the most tender care OF
Our horses. The loss of trained horse is
very serious indeed. 1t takes so long to
get one in perfect training and the success
or the act depends as much upon the horse
as Upon the rider. We bring all our horses
with us from Europe. For bareback rid
ing, or course one does not need bIooded
horse. We usually secure the heavy Nor.
mandy or Welsh horses"
"Can they adapt themselves to rings
of various sizes?"
''Oh, no! Circus rings are always the
same size the world over, and horses are
trained only for this special ring, which
is forty-two feet across"
In the meantime Mrs. Meers had been
joined by her two daughters whose united
income is $3.50 a week. and the gentle
courtesy and kindly consitiera ton that
characterized their intercourse one with
another. together with whatf had learned
during the afternoon, cast a new and il
Illuminating light upon a class OF people
hitherto quite unknown to me.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
DID YOU EVER,

Did you ever know an author
Who would deign TO recommend
A calling literary
To either foe or friend?
Did you ever see a merchant
Who would honestly advise
You to lead Il life of business,
Didn't he 81 It's most unwise?
Did you ever see q doctor,
Did you ever, in Your life,
WHO didn't 81 y his calling
Was only care and strife?
And 81 Us the Politician:
Public hOnors are u snare;
Devoid they are of comfort,
OF blessings they are bare.''
And so the Wall Street broker
Says the life is like Il flash
ora ntful, flaring taper,
Is this maddening rush for cash.
And the lawyer and the banker,
And the diplomat agree
That every calling save their own
From care is far from free.
We learn from this u lesson,
Both for sou and it's meant,
To always do the best-we can,
And try to be content.
Can you solve the C. E. Puzzle? i've.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
THOUGHT
" HUHOROUS
RURAL DISCIPLINE.

A farmer went out to his field of corn,
And said: 1T is shooting, as sure as I'm
born
To prevent further trouble he AT once inter
feres,
And Furnishes each stalk by pulling its ears.
The EXPLANATION.
Gould you let me have So on account"
But don't owe you anything. What do
you mean by On account
II mean on account of being busted"
The evening times., 1896-07-11
BAKING BULLETS.

II believe said Fullerton the other day
atdiDner as he trie d 10 jar one OF his wife's
buscuitsasunder, ''thatthe Cuban insurgents
Will finally be successful in driving the
Spanish forces from the island"
DO yOu"" replied his wife a little
nervous at his sarcastic tone.
Yes, you know the women are with the
soldiers baking the ammunition
The evening times., 1896-07-11
Marriage Licenses.

Marriage licenses have been issued as
follows:
Franklin T. Johnson and Mae slocum OF
Chicago, Ill.
Robert ]. Sisson. of Baltimore county,
Nd. and Mary Bilford OF Richmond county,
Va. O.
Philip PetebOne and Wilhelmina Muhl-
meister. OF Anne Arundel county, Nd. +
The evening times., 1896-07-11
HE woULpN,r REcoyMErp HER.

BayInore-I thought Harkaway and that
grass widow W ere to be married lastw eek?
Claysou-Oh, no; ttat's all Off.
Baymore-What was the trouble?
Clayson-Harkaway wouldn't marry her
unless she got Recommendation from ler
first husband, and lie absolutely refused to
recommend her
The evening times., 1896-07-11
WOULD LOOK BETTER.

Guest Bring me two boiled eggs.
Waiter Say, boss, better hab dem aigs
scramble.
Guest What do you mean, sir? Are you
giving this order?
Waiter-No, boss, but dem aigs amt rery
fresh, an dey looks er heap better scramble.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
EfIfOkE o. The NEWS
---H The MORNING TINES.

II you miss any news In the evening
edition look In the list below. What
you're looking ior WAS probably pub
lIslIed IN This mornings edition, and
as The Times never repeats you'll
have To take both edit ions TO get all
the news as quick ns it huppcns.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
GOOD TINE SPOILED.
His Wife Had Not Got Aboard the De
parting European Steamer.

Just as the Teutonic got well under way
yesterday a tall. silk-hatted man rushed
wildly into the dock, waving an umbrella
feverishly toward the North River.
MY wife!'' lie sasped, when he had
breath enough.
The other people, still cheering and nut-
tering handkerchiefs, paid no attention. A
few smiled; that was all.
Great Scott. my wife!" he shouted
again.. MY wife!'
This time one OF the officials overheard
him. Anything wrong" he asked
Wrong? Great Scott! Ny Wife and
going to Europe-said I'd meet her on
board-block in traffic delayed me-and
may be shot IL my wife isn't on that boat,
and here am on this dock. Whens she finds
out I'm left l know she'll have a fit,
and
Just then another man came up and ac-
costed the man WHO had lost his wife
Halo! Tom; thought you were going"
And then came repetition of the tale of
woe.
oh" said the friend, "there's no great
harm done. 1 know the missus. She's a
sensible woman; she II have good time as
soon as the first sensation wears off,
by singer.'1 said The bcneuict, Il be-
l.eve that IS q fact2l And to tell the truth,
1 believe it's jest as well. hadn't really
any business leaving the office, and reckon
I'll just able her she can trot around alone
over there. She's got an aunt in Paris
and" II
Say. Tom," put in the friend, "there's
another thing. New York's a pretty good
town in summer, il You only know how
to"
They stopped and looked at each other for
4 few seconds, Then they 10th burst out
laughing THAT'S fact said the grass
widower. Erred, if we don't make sum-
mer OF itherc, you andI my name isn't"
.'Mr. spardon?" 1t was the timekeeper.
who had just approached, and he looked
nauiringly at both of the gentlemen.
"Well,'' said the man without a wife.
"what is it?"
THAT your name? Well, there's a lady
in the office looking for you-your wife
Says She"
The two friends looked at each other, nd
looked out to sea again. ------------
scoi 4 n OF
The evening times., 1896-07-11
HOW CIRCUS FOLK TRAVEL.
Obliged to Lead a Moral and Temper

Rochester Post-Erpress.
Circus people always go in families, either
husband and wife or brothers and sisters.
Look, for instance. at the lady in yellow now
in the trapeze. That is her husband also
in yellow on the wire. They are never
apart, but always travel and act together.
Pretty soon you will see them riding the
bicycle together. They are entirely de-
voted to one another. In the ring just in
front OF us is a family of four. The
brother ran away from home and Joined
The evening times., 1896-07-11
A PLAGIARyST.

'Why, that story" remarked Bogsley,
as his friend concluded an original yarn,
was told by Cicero several thousand
years ago"
well, always thought Cicero was a
pIaglarists, and now l know it,"
The evening times., 1896-07-11
A SIANDER.

Balaway-Jagson is very loose in his
habits, isn't he?
Chadwick-when saw him last nighthe
was very tight.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
n HoMAs B. HoUCK. of Phtsburr, is

n HoMAs B. HoUCK. of Pi,tsburE, is
! stopping at the Riggs. Il have no
doubt in the world that Mckinley
will be our next President" said he "In
my opinion. the Democrats could not have
elected a man easier for him to beat than
Bryan. unless they had chosen Tillman or
Pennoyer or some similar radical candi-
date.
''of course Bryan will carry the South
solidiy and a very great deal of the West;
but. no matter who his running mate is, lie
will mot carry State in the North ur East
1t will be a walEover for the Republicans
The Democrats who are opposed to him. and
that means almost every one in the last
named localities. will not vute for McKir-
ley. but they willstay away from the polls. y
The evening times., 1896-07-11
HIS LAST REQUEST,

II am afraid, sir, you. are very sick;
shall l send for a physician"
No. prefer to die, il 1 must, Datural
death"
The evening times., 1896-07-11
UEARD BY IT'D TIE

a. AvENPoRT, the artist, was made
l9 the subject of story told in the
lobby at Wizards this morning
The brilliant Cartoo mist and his pretty
wife were members of piazza party up
on X street recently. Someone in the COM
pany had been relating the actions of 4
very audacious young ma on one of Wash
ington's excursion boats
The young man was on the deck, few
evenings before, at the same time the re-
lator of the Incident was there with his
wife. The fellow persisted in staring at
her seat This disclosed to her husband
what was the matter and he immediately
advanced toward the gentleman with flirt-
ing propensities and bade him desist or
reap the consequences. The would be flint
er reached 10 his hip Pocket as If to draw
4 weapon, but the husba nj had not spent
half his life on the Western plains for
naught ah I'D his own gun glistened danger
ousIy close to the frightened fliTter's 5 face
almost before he was aware Of it, That
ended the incident.
When the gentleman on the piaZZa had
concluded, Mrs. Davenport turned toward
her husband and said:
What would you do il some young man
We're To attempt such impudence toward
me-
why, / would merely dra W his pic
turc,' responded the jolly artist.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

SENATORS LOST TWO MORE
Fell Down Twice Yesterday Before the
Cincinnati Reds.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
CABIN JOHN MOTEL

Don't miss going out there 1t is tho most
delightful trip round Washing on IT is a
delightful ride on the Ecc.ric cars O. the
road Is splendid for wheeling or driving Ex-
cell"nt meals are always to be had ut the ho-
tel and the bridge is sight worth seeing.
BeBnGER BROS. PreprietorA
The evening times., 1896-07-11

ALL BRIGHT FOR TUESDAY
Beautlrui Decorations Uruered for the
Blcycie Parade.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
Between Boulevardiers.

Where do you intend to spend your vaca-
ton this summer?''
: AT x--.''..cr NJ, b,ss, ..se,jsss I.
'.Isit a heaithfu! locality?''
> well, L SHOULD say so. Wcwantedto In
augurate the new cemetery last year and in
order tdfiave d Subject we were obliged to-
shoot one. of ft the -Iesidents..''T7Ghieaco Rec
ord
The evening times., 1896-07-11

PoTOMAC'S BID ACCEPTED
Commissioners Approve une street Light
ing Proposal.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

NEWS FROM ALEXANDRIA
Commissioner OF neNenue george Duffy
Is Dead.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

HE WANTS no SECOND TERM
Mr.. Bryan suites HIS i UsILiun on the
Issues
The evening times., 1896-07-11

NO RUNNING MATE YET
Bryan Ior rIrsu race aud Probably Nc
Lean FOR Second.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

WAYS To DO Ills WORK
Coos Servants Discuss the Duty They
Have Assumed.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

PRINCE ITURBIDE SUES
Seeks u NrIu OF Mandanus Against the
Metropolitan Club.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

WON'T FOLLOW FALSE GODS
Oldine BeHIorrars hcpuuiate Platform
and Candidates.
The evening times., 1896-07-11
Wellington Hated Fluttery.

MAPPED OUT FUTUb. WORK
Endeavof conferences He:u IN All De
partInents.
The evening times., 1896-07-11

nI T DOES not seem possible that BIZ
Bryan should have been Nominated for
President of the United States,' said
Frank Duvall, of st. Louis, at the Ebbitt.
1T was my good fortune 10 have been
raised Il neighbor Of his, and many an eX-
perieucc, more or less Interesting have we
had tog ether in days not SO very far gone,
when you calculate the position of prumi-
nence he has attained.
II was wondering last night if he re-
members the day we went down in Dawson
county To hunt coyotes. He was Il right
good shot in his early days, and think l
witnessed one OF ihe best shots he ever
made. We had skirmished around from
early morning until almost noon before we
saw one OF the resky little animals. He
jumped up some five rods before ME, and
sent a SHOT after him. 1t must have gone
wide of the mark, for The coyote Travelled
on at IL bounding gait that would have set
pace for an express train.
''Bill saw him as he ran, and knowing
that had missed him, raised lis rifle. 1t
was new gun. ami he said he was going
to see how far it would shoot. Allthe time
the coyote was of course. widening the
ulsJtilcc DetNeeu uiElSeif did us L begged
Bryan to fire and save us from going back
home without a thing.
- I'm gong to fire. said he, with the
greatest coulness, but give him chance for
his life Besides, said 1 wanted to test
this gun
II know that the animal got about %
rods away, for we measured the distance
afterward, before my friend pulled the
trigger. The coyote Jumped ionto Il little
ridge, and ran at right jingle to the path
he had been taking. His whole body was
outlined against the prarics horizon.
I'm going to take him in said Bryan,
and v;ita that he shot.
"The coyote jumped fully ten feet in the
air, turning over several times before lie
came to the ground. When we got up
lie was dead as Il door nail. The bullet had
gone straight through the head. 10 was the
finest shot l ever saw in my life"
The evening times., 1896-07-11

AMONG THE ENDEAVORERS-
lIet1,s 80 GnJeIoN. -l,sIut br.e9ateS ant
Officials.