The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-04-02
WOOING OF WOMEN.
QUESTION OFTHE RIGHT OF INiTiA-
TIVE IN LOVE.

Invite = Return of Her Love-Would q
Reversal Destroy BIaidcnly ReserveP
Much is to be considered and said seri-
ously about tho part of men and of women
falling in love md in tho conscious delib
crate acts to which tho grand passion leads
II 1t is to DO more than merely n tearing
OF the heart - pieces by smothered strug-
gles, like the writings Of the Titan under
Etna.
AS to falling In love, it is one of tho
strange facts of tho world, showing how
far custom may replace nature, That to
love unwooed often has been held as I'M
womanly or unmaidenly Us to confess
love upasked. Not to WOO has been ad-
United on all hands to DO the woman's part
and has been immemorially point of
maiden pride and shame. So great in
deed is this persuasion that even the exact
opposite of wooing has been made q point
In tho drawing OF delicate women char
actors by many poets and story tellers. To
hide every hint of love, to pretend even
GOODNESS and Indifference, to be inaccessible,
disoouraging, to "let ooncealmont like n
worm 4 tho bud" etc.-''the proverb is
something musty'-this has been the
ideal of woman's part set before sensitive
young girls in song and story and drama.
But at present, why-even If n high feel
ing must be buried out of sight as If, as
Shakespeare says Of q beard on q coward,
1t were "Daturo's excrement' instead of
natures bloom and fruit hiding petals
why. In the name of all that is simple,
sincere nnd natural is 1t n fault or shame
| for n woman to love ungought2
If she may not speak or seek, may she
not then feclP Is love such thing in q
woman TINT 1t is q shame to wake to It
unless man ask for it? Yet SO have many
women pretended In good stories and
plays, and no doubt in real life. 1t is past
doubling that many woman has felt 1t
would be, or unhappily was, shame to
give her love without being asked for It,
But this is as up side down and topsy
turvy rs Ii 1t were held u shame to 1.-Two
and breathe because we were not invited
to DO born. Why is an attachment of
heart moro to be shame laden or hold I'M
womanly (Which is more than inhuman)
than an attachment of mind? In other
words, no moro shame ought to DO felt in
loving person unasked than In thinking
OF q subject or using ones reason in any
way unlimited.
But II this be conceded, or whether it
be or not what is to be said of the unwrit-
ten but most potent and immemorial
canon that woman must not speak of
her love- to invite return of or to carry
it to its end, which Is noble marriageP
stnge Of its beginning, whence love goes
onward toward its end like some noble
curve whose apex is at in1nity. Is this TO
be set down to nature? Are women made
sof Or is 1t custom and cducationS And
II the latter, is 1t good custom and q
natural oducationp
There Is nothing moro difficult than to
discover the grain OF nature in bushel of
customs. And, If it be found, it is of
small account, for it is like creature
which has fed on the custom so long that
it's whole substance is but tho customs a
little transmitted.
will not reason as to whether 1t be
contrary to womanly nature to speak of
love, but she must wait the man S pleasure
to speak to her first, or forego If never no
speak. l assume 1t TO be custom merely
no matter how originating or how ancient,
still only custom. Then 1 ask, Is 1t "a
good custom, sound, salutnryp
1t is, however, no little question whether
both mon and women should have tho right
of the initiative in love-at least whether
1T should be so habitually, or by common
custom, without any restraint of senti-
mcnt. Perhaps something might be lost
by such common participation-some-
thing delicate, tender, poctical, valuable.
There seem to be some reasons why it were
better for only one TO have tho initiative
by custom, with tho strong sanction of
usage, prestige, sentiment, but not with
tho invariablcness and tyranny which
marks tho present allotment. OF these
reasons tho chief seems to DO tho mystery.
delicacy, romance honor and special char
acter thrown around love by having tho
general provinces of men and women diff
ferent and defined in the initiative.
1t may DO that an equal, unrestraincd,
similar and open access to each other for
initiative or confession of love might wear
away much bloom, wonder, snnctity
which is preserved by the difference of re-
lation of the two to the beginning and
avowal. The sexes arc so different, while
such q unity, that this no moro should DO
overlooked than their essential unity in
the midst Of their SO great differences 1t
may well BIO that 1t is for the harmony,
delicacy, joy, mystery and beauty of love
that tho differences Of the sexes should be
recognized by u different relation to the
initiative of the relation. 1t may be that
IN inexprossible, indefinable, but very val
liable, sentiment may depend on some pa
thence. anxiety and canonical delicacy, con-
ventional reserve on tho one side, to meet
action, Judgment, choice, decision. initia-
ton on the other.
Where all may advance equally and in
the same way nothing is hidden, and
without some reserve there can 10 no ten
derness. Whcro all may explain equally
and without hesitation there can be no
drapery, no wells, and where there is no
mystery or wonder there will be lack of
JOY. A seeker and sought, a proposer
and considerer, leader and o follower, a
petitioner and giver, may be faircr
sight and moro wholesome to love than
two who may challenge each other equal
ly, who therefore have no defined duties or
sweet reciprocities regarding each other,
who perhaps may delay for each other-a