Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-08-13

Truth.
He-I fear the worst She-What'ss
happened, George? your father has
paid back that $40 he borrowed. Life.
Muggins-Is your son in business?'
Buggins-He's contractor. Muggins-
What line? Buggins-Debts.-
delphia Record.
Homekeep-Ever drink any of these
substitutes for coffee? Dayboard-I
haven't drank anything else for seven
years-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Summer is tough season on us par
ents." "Why soT' "Our daughters
who have been graduated try to make
us talk ly."-Chicago Rec
ord.
Fame" said Uncle Eben, Jam jes''
like swingin' in er hammick. Hit am
mighty good fun eff somebody doan' cut
de string an drap Washington
Star.
''Does your family sympathize with
you when you have insomnia? p Yes.
When / can't sleep l sit up all night
and practice on my accordion."-Chi--
cago Record.
Though you may not take vacation
On your very slender pay,
There is rest and recreation
In the bores that go away.
Chicago Record.
Willie Grandpa, tell me story
Grandpa-Once upon time, before
people thought of marrying for mon
ey- Willie-Oh, don't mean fairy,
story.-Norristown Herald
Ellen said old Borderkeep, here
comes them York folks Give the chill.
dren a little more snuff an get 'em ter
sneezin. We've got ter make 'em think
it's cool here somehow. Judge.
One bitter drop spoils rapture's cup;
When ice sells by the splinter
We cannot can the hot waves up
To use them in the winter.
Chicago Record.
81 suppose you're fond of Shaks-
peare," said one legitimate actor to an
other "Of course l am" "Then why
in the name of humanity do you insist
on acting his play? '-Washingto
Star.
Wickwire-Have you noticed that
Nudge has quit cigars and taken up a
pipe? Yabsley-Yes; wonder what is
the cause-has he been playing the
races or getting engaged? -Indianap
Journal.
Just like our hopes,
Which oft vanish in vapor,
Are the candidates PROMISES;
StrOng-on paper.
Philadelphia North American:
Salvation Army Apostle-f you
swear at those horses, my good man,
You'll never go to heaven. Teamster
humbly)-I knows it, mum; but If /
don't I'll never get to TonaWanda.-
Buffalo Times
Mechanic-'I have just been married
and would like raise in my wages"
Employer am sorry, but the COM.
pany is only responsible for accidents
that happen to the men while in the
factory Brooklyn Life.
Wiggles-''There's one good thing
about Hicks. He is always willing to-
admit it when he is in the wrong.
Waggles-'I don't think it is good
thing. 1t doesn't seem to trouble him.
a Bit. ''-Somerville Journal.
I summered on the Jersey coast,
And / am puzzled still,
As twixt the skeeters and hotels.
Which has the longest bill.
Louisville Truth.
at seems to me, Mr.. Stillson, that
your new house is lacking in judicious
use of fretwork'' "Well, my wife will
fill that deficiency just as soon as she
gets her eye on those measly closets. -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He-"I am going to pay you the
highest compliment man can pay a
woman" She-'This is so sudden
He-"I know it, but / came away with
out my pocketbook-can you lend mes
dollar until tomorrow" -New York
World
.sAnd how is your papa, EddieY'
Papa is feeling ever so much better
today 81 suppose it's the change in.
the weather. mo, ma'am, faint the
weather. Mamma has decided to start
for the seaside to-morrow."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
NO. said Dismal Dawson, in answer
to his benefactors question, hard
times is not the best for our business.
Nor vet good times. The times that
suits me best is about medium-when.
the work amt too plenty, nor money
too scarce indianapolis Journal