davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

BALZAC's MIsTAKE.-The late
Baron James Rothschild was on ex-
cellent terms with Balzac, who dedi-
Gated to him several of his novels.
One day, when about to proceed to
Germany, being short Of funds Bal
zac applied to the baron who handed
him the sum of three thousand francs,
and at the same time letter of in
PRODUCTION addressed to his nephew
in Vienna. The letter was unsealed, ,
as IL usual In such case. Balzac read
it, thought its tone altogether made
quate he was always puffed up with
conceit,) scorned to deliver it, and
returned to Paris with the autograph
In his pocket. On his arrival he
waited upon the great banker.
Well," said the baron, "did you
see my nephew?"
Balzac boldly confessed he had kept
the letter.
II am sorry, for your sake" said
the baron " have you 1t by your"
Why, certainly here 1t is."
Do you observe this little mark
below tho signature? 1t gave you
an open credit on our Vienna bank
to the extent of twenty-five Thousand
francs"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
POETRY
/" "UNDRESS PARADE"

VI dress parade" you all have heard
ANA, doubtless, you have seen
The tramping lines of solid blue
Wheel grandly on the green.
but we an army which, I'm sure,
, Though you look far and near.
Enough you hunt north, south, east and
west, "''0
Has not to-day peer.
ana every night, at eight O'Clock,
ltS line OF march is made.
Ana the noise of drums tells me il comes
10 give" Undress Parade
A prouder general thanI
Neer issued command
a Prouder army than my own
Exists not in the land.
Two drummers always lead the way,
Then come the rank and file.
With heads erect, and faces front,
They march, then halt, the while
L make inspection of them all,
Ot uniforms and guns;
And then / call, " Attention all 7"
Now march By iwosl BY ones ~
AT last, when l am satisfied
That everything is right:
Ihat curls are brushed, and faces clean,
And uniforms are white,
cry out, Company, break ranks !"
The sound each one alarms
For straightway, on the double quick. "
they run into my arms.
Inc drums are dropped, and muskets,
too;
Each hides his curly head.
And hugs me tight, and says good
night ="
Then scampers off to bed.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

CORRECTING THE LITTLE ONES.
In correcting the little ones, try to
arouse their moral sense, showing
that you are deeply grieved at their
conduct, and the withholding of
some delicacy at teatime, is a deter
rent in many mild cases; but re-
strictiOn IN diet, or to give dry
bread, as have known done. is not
right, as it may prove injurious to
growing children. Never punish
for an accident, however annoying
it may be. A child may break a
little vase, owing to the weakness of
his little fingers, but this should not
be punished while if he throws q
twOpenny tumbler down In a rage or
out Of naughtiness, this is a decided
offence. Let us have sympathy
with the little ones, and try to see
things with their eyes, which is the
only way of being really Just to
them; but let us not forget the die
tum Of the father of the great phil.
osopher Locke, "Rem0ve hope and
fear, and there is an end of all disci-
pline.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

THE BABY IN THE WEsT.-The
Portland Oregonidn has awarded a
one hundred and fifty dollar-prize
for the best definition. Of baby.
The Heppner lady who won the prize
sent in this answer "a tiny feather
from the wing of love dropped into
the sacred lap of motherhood
The following are some of the best
definitions given:
The bachelors horror, the mothers
treasure, and the despotic tyrant of
the most republican household.
The morning caller, MONDAY
crawler, midnight brawler.
The onl y precious possession that
never eXcites envy.
The latest edition of humanity-of
which every couple think they pos
sess the finest copy.
A native of all countries who
speaks the language of none.
"A thing we are expected to kiss
and look as if we enjoyed it.
A little stranger with a free pass to
the hearts best affections.
That which makes home happier,
love stronger, patience greater,
hands husier, nights longer, days
shorter, purses lighter, clothes shah
bier, the past forgotten, the future
brighter
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

"YoU look PALE" said the sharp
nosed girl. 81 feel pale" sighed
the fluffy girl. But / am happy,
anyway. You know that stingy lit
tie Chollie Tapetie? Well, he did
open his heart enough to take me to
the food show, and, of course, 1
sampled the samples. What are
samples for? And after l had eaten
this and drunk that and the other
till thought just couldn't stand
any more, we started home. Then
he thought he saw his chance. So
he asked me to have some ice
cream" "And did you accept? {"
asked the sharp-nosed girl. "Ac-
cept? I ate three plates. With
cake. And lemonade. They had to
call the doctor for me, and papa
scolded, oh, awfully; but 1 made
that little wretch spend his money,
anyway"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

A CERTAIN doctor one day met a
neighbor, and inquired. "Well,
Jackson, how did your wife manage
her new shower-bath ?" "Oh, she
had very good luck. Mrs. Smith
told her how she managed hern.
She made an oiled-silk hood, with a
big cape to it that came down over
her shoulders" "She was an idiot
for her palms," said the doctor i'm
patiently. "That's not the way"
$50 my wife thought" "And
your wife did nothing of the kind, 1
hope?" "Oh, no, no. My wife she
used an umbrella.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

AN experienced telegraph ope-
rator can, from merely listening to
the sounds, understand message on
one kind of telegraph instrument
without seeing it at all. One day an
inspector walked into an office, and
began to question the clerk ia charge.
Suddenly a message began to arrive.
and the clerk sat down to write it.
The message was as follows LOOK
out for squalls. The inspector Is
somewhere on the line, and will be
poking his nose in everywhere. :"
The inspector smiled as he listened to
the message, while the poor clerk
looked quite helpless. His superior,
however. went to the instrument and
sent back the answer: "Too late.
He has already poked his nose in
here"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
NUMBER IL.

THOROUGH ABSENT NT-MINDEDNEss.
AN old gentleman, who was very
absentminded, often had to ring for
his servant, and say:
"Thomas, am looking for some-
thing, and now 1 can't remember
what it is."
And then Thomas would suggest,
"4our purse, sir, or spectacles, or
check-book?" and so on, until the
old gentleman would say at last, "Of
course, that's it. Thank you,
Thomas"
One night the old gentleman had
gone to his room, all were in bed,
when Thomas was startled by hear
ing his masters bedroom bell. He
rushed up stairs and threw open the
door.
"Thomas," said the old gentle
man, 81 came up here for some-
thing, and now l can't remember
what it was"
"Wasn't ii to go to bed sir?"
"Of course" said the old gentle
man; $50 it was. Thank you,
Thomas"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

dowed him with rare grace. He Is
happy in attitude and pose. Melli-
huous is the one word that most
aptly describes his voice. 1t is
strong enough to be heard by thou
sands. 1t is modulated as not to vex
the ear with monotony, and can be
stern and pathetic, fierce or gentle,
serious or humrous, with the vary-
ing emotions of it's master.
In drawing comparison between
Samuel j. Randall and Bryan, the
latter is thus described:
"ln four years service Bryan es-
tablished far greater reputation
than did Randall in the same length
OF time. Indeed, it may be said
without any extravaganza that when
Bryan quit Congress he had as far
spread fame as Randall had when he
died, after twenty years of Congress.
Bryan is collegiate scholar, and
has slowed away in his capacious
Uranium much of the golden grain of
wisdom and little of the husks, and
it is all here for use, either as argu-
ment or establishment. Some men
are so ugly and so ungainly that it is
positive advantage to them as pub
lie speakers. Some are so handsome
and graceful that they are on good
terms with the audience before they
open their lips. OF the latter class
Bryan is shining exnmple. His
appearance is passport to the affec-
tions of his fellow-men."
Mr.. Bryan's law partner, A. r.
Talbot, who is Republican, in a re-
cent interview, said of the Demo-
cratic nominee:
"Bryan is an upright, conscintious
Christian man. Ihave never known
finer character. l am positive
that he went into politics with no
selfish motives. He is thoroughly
convinced that the country is beset
with conditions that call for the
highest patriotism, the noblest en-
deavor, and he regards 1T his duty to
help right what he says are the
wrongs of the people. could give
you many instances Of his disinter-
estedness.
"Two years ago gentleman from
New York sat in Bryan's private
office there trying to get him to
make contract to deliver fifty lec-
lures at $1O0 a lecture. Bryan was
poor then, as he is poor now, and |
urged him to accept the offer. But
he would hardly listen to the man.
He said he would not speak for
money. He was not in politics for
money, but for the people, and he
did not expect to make anything
for himself. He said he would not
take anything but his expenses.
why he remarked, 1T is necessary
that thoselwho can should give their
lives to the work of emancipating
the people. Somebody has got to do
this, and l have made up my mind
to enter into it heart and soul, but
not for my own benefit He didn't
sign the contract.
"When he was in Congress he had
an offer of $4,000 year to become
the counsel of large corporation.
but he told the officers that he would
not act AS their attorney for the en-
tire profits of the concern. He has
been repeatedly urged to make his
home in Democratic States with the
that he would be elected
to the United States Senate and kept
there the rest of his life, but he said |
he preferred to remain in Lincoln,
and he will continue to keep his res
idence in this city,"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

A LEADER of the House, who at
one time held the Office of prime
minister, was noted for his indolent,
gentle manner and the soft drawl
with which he sent stinging sarcasms
home to his opponents. One of his
long-suffering victims, however,
dealt him telling blow by complain
ing that the honorable member had
been rude to him. "His manner,n
he asserted, was-not ungentle-
manly, but less ladylike than
usual.O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
A STARTLING DIscovERy-uN,

A STARTLING DIsCovERY.-"No
sir" said the Kentucky gentleman
81 will not go out in the rain unless
can find an umbrella, SIR" "You
are very careful of yourself for so
robust man." "Yes, sir. / have
had fact brought to my attention
which makes me far more cautious
In such a matter than 1 used to be.
l have just learned that the human
body Is capable Of absorbing water
through the pores, and I don't care
to take any more chances than the
ordinary occasions Of ablutions, cir,
make necessary, sir.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
diplomacy His Line.

a member of the House who ha.
served on the Foreign Affairs Com
mittee, and who has often come ir
contact, and still comes in contact
socially, with many of the diplo
mats, remarked, according to the
Washington Post:
"I have just had a remarkable
proof of the fact that our South
American neighbors lack a good deal
OF what we call horse sense in Anglo
Saxon. 1t was furnished by the
Minister of one of the South Ameri.
can republics now in Washington
He is intelligent and hard headed
enough, generally speaking, but he
fell down completely in regard to a
very simple matter, heating regis.
ter.
He occupies fine residence in a
fashionable part of the city. The
cold snap came on, and the Minister
began to shiver and freeze in his own
house. He endured 1t patiently two
weeks. The other day he sent for
the landlady.
'Ah, madam he began, in his
characteristic accent and with despair
in every line of his face, sah,
madam, / cannot stand de house It
ees simply 'orreeble-dees cold |!
All, l am wretched-my wife she is
wretched de 'Old 'ouse'old ees freez-
ing to dead. haf sect up in dat
corner, a turkish roog around my
shoulders, a blanket around my
shoulders-so-aud yet l cannot keep
warm 10 1nrraahla nnIt
why, that is strange said the
landlady. Last summer had the
furnace completely Overhauled, and
1 have never had the least complaint
about the house being insufficiently
heated
no can help dat, said the Minis
ter wat ] tell you is de truth. I
freeze to dead in your 'ouse every
since de colt weather commence.
Eet is 'orreeble.
The landlady looked around the
room.
There are two registers here. Do
you know how to work them?'
Weerk demn exclaimed the
Minister. COW! No, never touch
dem, nevair.'
DON'T you turn the little brass
knob when you want heat, and push
it the other way when it gets too
warm p asked the landlady.
mop exclaimed the Minister,
looking exceedingly puzzled. What
/ know bout dat? All l know is
dat l die of de 'orreeble colt
WE'LL she said, perhaps that ex-
plains it. You see this little brass
thing in the register?'
/ see dat dat little brass Ting in
de regeester. Vell?'
Well, all you need to do is to push
it this way. See how it's done?'
A hot wave Of air suddenly shot up
into the diplomats face as he bent
over the register to study the mech
anism. He almost screamed with
JOY as he saw the simple process of
converting his ice chamber into a
tropical hothouse, and the landIady
had narrow escape from being
hugged to death.
And for two weeks" continued
the Congressman, "the Minister had
swathed himself in Turkish rugs and
California blankets in a desperate
attempt to keep from freezing to
death. 1t had never occurred to him
or his Irish butler or the rest of his
household to push the button on the
register"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

SHE had yawned, looked at the
clock, pretended she was sleepy and
in other ways had given him to un-
derstand that it was time to go. He
felt nettled on observing these signs
of her desire to get rid Of him,
and determined to have revenge.
Won't you sing something for
me ?" he asked. "Sing at this time
of night? Why didn't you ask me
before? Why do you want me to
sing nowP" Weller, the fact is,
I want to be reconciled to leaving
you.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

"HOw long," asked the young
man, "do you think the wOman's
sleeves will continue to increase ?"
-" AS general rule" replied the
bald headed philosopher, "it Is
not within the province of the
human intellect to foresee the course
of fashion. But in this case I think
it is safe to predict that, as soon as
the sleeves get 80 high that it will be
impossible for one woman to look
over them to see what the other one
has on, they will come down.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

A METHODIST paper says that
three brothers who were preachers
made a visit to their mother. One
of them said, Do you not think,
mother, that you ruled with too rigid
a rod in our boyhood? It would
have been better, l think had you
used gentler Methods" The old
lady rose to her full height and re-
piled, "Well, William, when you
have raised up three as good preach
ers as / have, then you can talk.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
A CORRESPONDENT of the Metho

A CORRESPONDENT of the Metho-
dist Herald says: have before me
letter from Partisan friend, a
gentleman of some literary note In
his own country, who informs me
that he is learning English by the aid
of a small textbook and dictionary,
without any other instructor and he
adds, Il can learn so many English
as think will come to the America
and 60 on the scaffold to lecture"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
Notice.

ia + returned home to remain
Ihis fall and winter. haye located
a. Ill Df. ): IL. Austin's office, op Main
ntueet, TO work at my trade. Work
s,Iiaranteed to give perfect satisfaction.
W'So WST stiii continue my oculist business.
GL :" II. call on any parties who desire
"IaSSeS, II they will let me know.
MA nave also added to my line of busi-
Mss Mss repairing Of all kinds of Sewing
fHacilines. Also all kinds of material
t" "a Ihem on hand. All work guaran-
'ee"' Bring on your machines.
Very respectfully,
~, j. A. LOWE,
oc'' Z4-tf. Jeweier q Opticlan.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

MIGHTY is the force Of mother
hood. 1t transforms all things by its
vital heat; it turns tinidity into
fierce courage, and dreadless defiance
into tremulous submission anxiety
into calm content; 1t makes selfish
ness become self.dsnial, and gives
even to hard vanity the glance of
admiring love- George Eliot.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

PEPPERED WITH ADJECTIVEs.-
81 notice, my DEAR" said Uncle
Allen Sparks to one of his neices,
"that when you have the to0thache
it's the worst you ever had. The
young man who was here last night
was the ugliest fellow you ever saw =.
According to your statement, a little
while ago, it took you forever and a
day to learn how to make a sponge
cake. The house, you say, is full of
flies. You have just declared that
the room is as hot as an oven, you
have the dreadfulest headache YOU
have ever had in your life, and the
boy across the road is making the
fearfulest racket q boy ever made.
Don't you see, my child, this sort of
thing won't do? Some time In your
life you will really have an expe-
rience requiring superlative degree
to describe it, and you won't be able
to convey any idea Of it. You will
have used up all your adjectiyes,
That is all. You can go to thump.
ing the piano again."
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

"YOU used to say you thought
heaven sent me to you," she said,
tearfully after a little family Jar.
&" 1 see no reaeon to change my mind
about that now" he returned.
" Really ?" she exclaimed, delight
edly. "Certainly," he replied.
Then he spoiled 1t all by adding,
" AS punishment
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

IT was very plucky Of you, ma 'am,
TO have set upon the burglar and so
ably captured him." said the police
inspector "but need you have in
jured him so badly ?" "How did
l know 1t was a burglar ?" asked
the woman. "I'd been up three
hours waiting for my husband. I
thought il was him.o
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06


USING OPPosITIoN's WITNESSES.
-" My first case" said a well.known
attorney, to San Francisco CAL
writer, was the defence of a negro
preacher in Missouri, who had been
arrested for stealing wood from a
railroad company. A great deal of
fuel had been lost from time to time,
SO when the culprit was arrested the
company was SO anxious to make an
example of him that it employed
special counsel and prosecuted the
case vigorously. The evidence
against the old man was convincing.
he had been seen sneaking around
the woodpile, and was arrested while
carrying off load.
l had subpenaed about twenty
well known business men to testify
to the previous good character of the
defendant. When the prosecution g
case was closed, l put one on the
stand and asked:
DO you know the defendants
reputation for honesty and integ-
rity?'
Yes,' was the answer.
what is it-good or bad?'
Bad. He will steal anything he
can get his hands on
A litter ran through the courtroom.
1t wasn't the answer / had expected, !,
but it was too late, so 1 put on bold
front and called another. He testi-
fed as the other witness had, and
the prosecuting attorney rubbed his
hands In satisfaction. Before got
through with my witnesses, proved
that my client was most notorious
thief, who had never been known to
neglect an opportunity to steal some
thing, no matter how tTifiing it
might be. Then called couple of
physicians, proved the existence of a
mental disorder known as klepto.
mania, read some authorizes to show
that IL was good defence if proven,
and submitted my case. The old
preacher was acquitted, and there.
after stole with impunity, for he
considered his acquittal in the face
of the facts equivalent to q license to
steal"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
POETRY.
QUEEN JUNE.

Oh, the golden summer prime!
June takes up the sceptre of Nav.
And the land beneath her SWAY
CLOVIS. q dream Of Powerful closes.
And the very winds at play
With Sir Love among the roses.
Lights and shadows in the lime
Meet in exquisite disarray.
Hark the rich recurrent rhyme
OF the blackbird's ronndelav!
Where he carols, frank and gay,
Fancy no more glooms or proseS
JoyOusly she fits away
With Sir Love among the roses.
Oh, the cool seas slumbrous chime.
Oh, the links that beach the bav,
Tricked with meadow-sweet and THYME
Where the brown bees murmur anC
stray
Lush the hedgerows, ripe the hay!
Many maiden, binding posies,
Finds herself at yea-and-nay
With Sir Love among the roses.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

DON'T keep alabaster boxes of love
and sympathy to break over collins.
Living Is none too sweet at best, and
flowers on the coffin cast no backward
fragrance. - -
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06

A YOUNG bachelor, who was beset
by sewing-machine agent, told the
atter that his machine would not
answer the purpose. Why" said
the agent, with voluble praise, d" it
is the best machine on the market in
every respect" "That may be-"
replied the supposed customer, but
the sewing machine / am looking
for must have flaxen hair and blue
eyes.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.

WE are now prepared to do TIN
w WORK of all kinds. Nothing
out lirst-class meterial used. Satisfac-
t'oh guaranteed. Give us trial and
oe convinced that we mean what we
say. ROOFING and SPOUTING a
9Peclalty: Shop in the rear of Law 8
Handley's.
MCCLEARY q DARNELL,
Aug. 25-ly. Lewisburg, w. Va.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
EN- Vol.

Boys and girls, be wise, pray!
DO as dear Queen June proposes,
For she bids you troop and stay
With Sir Love among the roses.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
MISCELLANEOUS.
Bryan From BOyhOOd.

A GLANCE BACKWARD AT THE
DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
w A. BRATTON,
w ATTORN Ely AT LAW,
MARLINTON, WEST VA.

Prompt and careful attention to all
business entrusted 30 my hands in the
Courts Of Pocahontas and adjoining
counties. Jan, 26-tf.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-08-06
DR. T. CLAYTON McCLUNG,
PHYSICIAN g. SURGEON.
WILLIAMSBURG, w. VA.

Residence one mile north of Will
liamsburg. Prompt attention to all
calls. May 7-3 mos.