Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-09-14
JUST FOR FUN.


"Washing and ironing and going ou1
for days work done here.''
A German paper contains the fol-
lowing unique advertisement: "Any
person who can prove that my tap
ioca contains anything injurious to
health will have three boxes of it sent
to him free of CHARGE
A wealthy gentleman, somewhat
hard of hearing, had on his parlor
floor fur rug of little known ami
NAL. A guest, noticing it, said to his
host, "What kind of an animal does
that skin belong to?o "Eh? Belongs
to mel" answered the wealthy man.
Little Phillip had just returned from
Sunday school and was eating some
candy. Mother: "Phillip, give your
sister some of your candy" Phillip:
s'Nope!' Mother: .sWhy not?" Phil
/ lip: "Cause my Sunday school teach
er told me to 'cleave to that which
was good.''
Clara wanted very much to go out
in the yard to play. Her big sister
said to her: sYou mustn't go in the
yard. Don't you see that molly COW
out there? What do you suppose she
would do with her horns if you went
close to her?" Clara answered, "I
suppose she would blow themo
A bishop of a northern diocese
wrote to a publisher in New York for
book called anew and Contrite
Hearts, In a short time he received
a postal from the publisher, saying,
eve have no New and Contrite
Hearts; neither are there any to be
found in New York" The northern
prelate, it is said, enjoyed sending the
postal to the bishop of New York,
calling his attention to the state of
his diocese.
In thriving city of the West
Southern litterateur Of distinction had
just delivered long and critical lee
ture on Matthew Arnold to fashion
able audience. A friend of the lee
turer, while passing out of the hall,
overheard the following conversation
between two ladies: 'sThat was a
pretty good lecture, on the whole;
but who was this Matthew Arnold,
anyway" "Oh, I don't know. I
haven't the time to keep up with all
these new Southern writers"
A funny story is going the rounds
about Lord Darlington, to the effect
that at the last drawing room held by
the queen he, in announcing the
names of the ladies present, accord
ing to his duty as Lord Chamberlain,
got "mixed," and announced GER
tain Mrs. M. as 'sLady NJ" There
upon the queen bent forward to greet
her with the kiss on the cheek that is
always given to wives and daughters
of peers. As she bent, Lord Caring
ton found out his mistake, and gasped
out: 'fDon't kiss her, ma'am, don't
kiss her. She's not lady at all!'
Mrs. Stannard, the author of s'Boot
less Baby" was once introduced to
Sir Morell Mackenzie at a London
of t-John Strange Winter" The doc
tor, who did not keep up with current
fiction, looked somewhat dazed, and
repeated the name wonderingly,
whereupon the author remarked, ssOh
yes, Pm Bootles's Baby.o Sir Morell
retreated, marvelling still more, and,
drawing a friend aside, confieed to
him that she had just met poor de-
mented lady, who was introduced as
man and thought herself a BABY
There is field for the Springfield
Browning Club. Last spring a wo-
man entered the store where tickets
for Francis B. Hornbrooke's address
were for sale, and asked the woman
who presides at the window for tick
cts to the Browning lecture. eve
haven't Browning lecture tickets
she said promptly, not losing count
on the bunch of pasteboards for the
"Wizzard of Nile'' she was sorting.
siBut I was told that could get tick
cts for Prof. Hornbrooke's''- Yes,
we have tickets for Hornbrooke's
lecture on The Ring and the Book
but you asked about lecture on
Browning. Fifty cents, please"
Friday is a luckier day than Saturday Es-
pecially to get over cough in. Because it is
a day sooner. Use Adamson's Botanic Cough
Balsam and stop that barking within week
The angling season being we'll on,