Evening star., 1896-01-04

books. She was puzzled to know what to
select, and after visiting the book. stores
concluded that she would let some one else
do the choosing, so she ordered two nicely
| bound books of their own selection to cost
a certain sum- inclosing it, and sent to a
| leading publisher. The books came prompt
ly and were placed on top of the husbands 8
plate Christmas morning, together with
other presents. The donor had not opened
| the package to see what they were. When
the bcx was removed. inside were found
two elegantly bound volumes, one of Rob
| inson Crusoe," the other of Mother
Goose's Melodies" She had forgotten to
explain who they were for. And now the
husband IL sists upon having revenge by
reading them aloud to her.
x * < &
A shoemaker on 7th street has sign out
that he makes "one-lesged feet to order"
In the Senate few days ago Senator Hill
| made the remark, in discussing pending
matter. that it was "opportrne at this
time" Of course the Senator knows better
than that. but when he is interested i'll a
r-atter and gets speedy in the use of words
he forgets his study of English. Every day
| some person advertises that widow wo-
man will do so and SO. If a reporter for q
daily Were to write that his city editor
would likely ask him If widow could pos
sibly be anything else than woman. Good
English is murdered in the House and Sen
ate with as much impunity as the signs
days ago. talking about the disrespect of
congressman for the mother tongue, said
that there ought to be a law for civil
service examination of candidates for Con-
greSS the same as for other applicants for
Office.
s* = & r
Wonder is expressed by hundreds Of WIS.,
itors to Washington over the scarcity of
mules. A visitor can walk the streets for
days at a time and never see one of these
long-eared quadrupeds. The wel-paved
| streets of this city make heavy hauling
easy and horse can pull as much as a
mule Then. mules are heavier eaters than
horses and more costly to keep.
X * * X X
There Is in the city a certain young at
tache to one Of the legations who has COM
municated to the world his resolve to eschew
Its pleasures for the present. This determi-
nation is by no means due to the fact of a
cold shoulder being turned toward him by
the fashionables, but on account of the nu-
merous conversational slips that he Is con-
scious of making. Telling of a certain soc-
casion where he put In ze foot more than
Usual, he says: Il talk to ze ladees and
smile ana be agreeable and all at once xey
grow quiet and look at me SO var queer
exclaim. What haf l done?' and ze LADIES'
zey make answer, 1t is not what you hat
done, monsieur. but what you haf said And
zen feel so decayed, oh. 50 decayed."
HIS confidant here reminded him that he
had made another faux pas and proceeded
to explain to him the different applicatio
of the synonyms decayed and mortified.
and the despairing foreigner replied: "Haf
not told you, 1 spik bad all re timer
* * :: * &
A combination of Christmas ioys and
Svengaliism seems a rather incongruous as
ISOLATION. but saw street scene last week
| In which they both played an active part
The dramatis personae were two little street
urchins and Christmas horn When dis
covered by the audience of one Of the hap
py poSsessor of the horn had his musical in
strument in position for the torture of the
neighborhood, while directly in front of him
stood his companion waving his arms about
IN tie spider like manner accredited to the
demon of modern literature. AS he ap-
preached nearer and nearer his victim, the
musician trembled and drew away from
him. saying all the while, in most piteous
manner oh Svengali, don't make me-
don't make me-
But .Svengali must have persisted. for the
last saw of the pair. Svensali had possess
ed himself of the horn and was blowing
thereon a blast of triumph, while his erst-
lille victim was doing breakdown to the
strain. -...-
X X !! i:
ManaginS mammaS would do well to call
into requtsition the latest factor In the mat
rimonial market which is the toasting fork
well-known resident of Washington whose
daughters have gone Off like shot cakes -
or rather, in this case, like "tet toast" says
sre ascribes all her success in marrying
them OF to her skill with the toaster
1t was an understood thing in the house
hold that the suitors and prospective BRIDE
grooms should always stay to Sunday even
Ing tea, at which the piece de resistance was
the famous toast. In order that the renown
of the Wand should never fall short of the
mark it was the custom Of madam to de-
scend In person to the culinary department
and personally superintend its preparation
frequently returning to her guests with
nushed cheeks, Indicating that she had done
more than merely superintend. Virtue as
usual brought its own reward, and now the
fond mamma and indulgent mother-in-law'
has the unusual pleasure of keeping her
daughters with her after marriage. for all
the new sons of the family declare that they
will live nowhere else than with the toast
maker, and the whole family dwells to-
sether In amity, knit together by such a
simple article as piece of toasted bread.
* * =
One of the principal pastmes since Christ
mas morning brought its store of gifts to
every household has been to decide what
some Of the articles were designed for; in
deed. some men are curious enough regard
Ing their possessions to carry them around
with them and stump the unwary by pro-
pounding the conundrum, What is this
for?'
A few evenings since in social gathering
the question was put and guesses concern
ing the specified article were wild and wide
CT the mark. One person suggested a letter
file. another a nutpick, while the furthest
afield said 1t might be a sort of idealized
bootjack. When the solution of the riddle
was announced. "a pen extractor" there
were still some dubious shakes of the heads
as to the efficacy OF such complicat ted
machine for so small a process. The ma
chine" consists of clamp and lever some
thing on the order of a mans necktie holder
but about an inch and half long, to which
is attached hook, making the e.ltire article
four inches in length. The pen is inserted
between the jaws of the clamp, which hold
1t closely, while the forefinger encircles the
hook, and, presto! the pen is out Some
people, however, still find their teeth very
effective for this purpose. but the pen ex-
tractor has been hailed as a boon by the
girl with a best young man."
* *
A lady went into an uptown grocery in
quest Of some extra delicacies for a stag
supper her husband had on hand. and asked
the clerk If he knew of anything very good
and new that she might surprise the palates
with. After suggesting number Of things
which he thought suitable, and learning
that she had them ALL even to the requisite
brands of wines. in despair he gave up and
said: i don't know Of anything else you can