Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-02-03
JUST FOR FUN.

Kentry = Is your fat fire -proof?''
Towne-You'd think so if you'd shiv-
cred there all winter.
Wonder if Tennyson ever thought
the time would come when he must
answer for every ''Idyl'' word!
''Do you desire the peace Of Eu-
roper" Chorus of Great Powers-That
depends on which of us gets the big
gest piece.
He-That Miss Bleacham is pro-
nounced brunette, is she not? She-I
really don't know. I haven't seen
her for week
Are you married?' asked an inquisi-
tive five year-old of visitor. eyes"
was the reply. care your" "No, but
I've been vaccinated"
Blabzer- Out in the country don't
you find it aggravating having to hur-
ry to catch trains? Mazner-Oh, no!
It's hurrying to miss them that we
find aggravating.
Miss Beacon Hill-Dear me! Strange
that 1 can not remember. Where is
Dresden? Young Lakeside-Oh, that's
easy. In China. Saw the address in
a show window to-day.
The Count-Ah meez, you climb re
Matterhorn? Eat was a foot to be
proud of. She-Pardon me, Count,
but you mean feat. The Count-O-h!
You climb it more IAN once"
A preacher recently asked a uni
versity don what he thought of his
sermon. 81 heard in it what hope
never to hear again." "What was
that?" ssThe clock strike twice.
Mike Con the road)- How far is it
to Chistnut Hill, sir? Native-About
five miles. Whom do you want to see
there? Mike - Faith, I'm anxious to
see mesel' there before night.
Teacher-And what is meant by
keeping the Sabbath holy?
Ethel-It means-it means to think
of something you would like to do, oh,
ever so much, and then not doing it
cause it's Sunday.
Clothier = Were you pleased with
the overcoat which I sold you? Gus
toner Oh, yes; all my boys have
worn it. Clothier = Well, think of
that! Customer Every time after
rain the next smaller had to take it.
81 see," said Woodby Wits patient
hot Tv,Lo inc re- no
decided to take another tack. ""Have
they?" was the response, with a self
satisfied litter. "That'll make it hard
er than ever for Spain to sit down on
them, won't it?''
eff give your friend a place." said
the banker, she will have to give a
bond. 1 suppose you will go on?''
"Bond!" exclaimed the other man;
'swhy he can be trusted with uncount-
ed millions" eyes; but all the mon
ey we have is counted"
Little boy Louie, one evening watch
ing a severe thunderstorm, in which
the sheet lightning flashed almost
continuously, seemed very much in
terested, and entirely unawed. Turn
ing to his father, he asked, "What
makes the wind open and shut it's
eyes so fast?'
An Irishman and Frenchman were
one day having a dispute over the ma
tionality of friend of theirs. Il say"
said the Frenchman, "thet, if he was
= oh~,oa
"Begorra, said Pat, ''if cat should
have kittens in the oven, would you
call them biscuits?"
"Papa," said little boy to his ia
Their, care not sailors very small
men!" "No, my DEAR" What gave
you such an idea! Some sailors are
very large, powerful men. What
makes you think they are small?"
Because" said the little fellow, "I
read the other day of sailor going to
sleep on his watch"
At a meeting in London, Lady Hen
ry Somerset, the great temperance
worker, was absent through illness.
The lady who took her place made
this kindly but unexpected explana-
ton, "Dear Lady Henry has been
overworked; and we must, Of couse,
be careful not to kill the goose that
lays the golden eggs"
Walter Dunlop, the we'll known hu-
morous clergyman of Dumfries, was
one day talking to brother of the
"Well, Walter, believe, after all has
been said, that my head could hold
two of yours.' "Man," replied Walter
with a pawky smile, 81 never thocht
hafora that vOur held was sac emDtVn