davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1896-11-28

$50 far no one has done 1t, but it is said
1t can be done"
X x X X
Every few months there arises a new
style for women to hold their dresses when
walking. Last spring the fair pedestrian
grasped her gown firmly. in the middle of
the back, and with herculean strength kept
the mass of godets. haircloth and other
accessories from sweeping the streets by
main force.
Now, when she takes her walks abroad,
MY lady clutches her superfiuous drapery
just above the knees with both hands in
such way to pull all the fullness from
the back, and the plaits and furbelows
form sort of advance guard of her pro-
gress. This is more or less fetching, ac-
cording to the individual grace of the
wearer. but to the initiated 1t presents the
appearance OF an agonized hold on some
hidden garment which may be slipping
from its moOrings.
A trim foot. neatly shod for walking a
dainty slipper reposing coyly on the fender
twinkling toes in and out from under the
biilowing founces of dancing gown, all
these have been themes for poetic treat
ment since ages dim, but a Washington
girl, recently returned from Europe. has
given occasion for new consideration of
this hackneyed idea. She rode down Con-
nectlcut avenue one afternoon this week
In street car, and, occupying the outer
seat, she negligently hung a faultless foot
faultlessly shod outside the vehicle. The
motion of the car, of course, communicate
ltselI 70 the foot, and there it swung like
graceful pendulum In full view Of the
strollers. Had the member been other than
1t was, small and exquisitely shaped. there
might have been cause for invidious critf-
clsm but 1t was merely set down as a neu
Wrinkle from the other side, and now no
doubt all the merry maidens viii hang
their feet from open cars.
Evening star., 1896-11-28
Service a In Dowery.

From the New Orleans Times Democrat
A waiter from "de Bowery'' drifted into
town the other day and got job in Royal
street restaurant. He was dressed in q
check suit, walked stifr-kneed. with his
chin out, and yelled out his orders like a
Mississippi mate. His first customer was
a gentleman of delicate appetite. The wait
er struck prize fighter attitude. leaned
his head slightly down toward the guest,
and said:
"WellT
The guest looked up in surprise. The
waiter glanced down at him.
well, what can we do for yer, sport?'
Regaining his control, the diner said:
"Ah, I'd like something light. WAITER
''Sumtin' light7 How would fedder do
yer?''
IA what?"
"A fedder. Maybe you might get your
whiskers trou a lamp, or pr'aps cup Of
BARRIERS ladder might fit yer mug"
Having delivered himself Of these pleas
antrfes, the waiter smiled broadly, and
tapped his customer lightly on the chest.
"Dere whiskers, don't get yer peppers
on. OATS a josh to git up yer appetite
see? No stringin', wouldn't an omelet
sufffay tickle de cove in yer bread baskey?
Say, 1 can rush 1t into yer face before yer
finish goin' up against de pickles, see?''
The delicate gentleman nearly tainted
and was rescued by the head walter who
gave him another attendant, and put the
Ganymede from wicked New York on the
dishwashing list.
Evening star., 1896-11-28
TERPSICHoRE AND THEGOAT

There had been, d expression like that OF
jocund June oRI.the face of Mr.. Dolans
goat until the Afternoon when Mickey Do
mischief and talent for mechanics en-
TOT his own diversion and the consterna-
ton OF his parents such as he had never
before suspected.
Mr.. Dclan was enjoying his pipe on the
front steps. II
'Bedalia," he said to his wife, 'it do be a
scandalous ting, the way they does be
goin' an down town these days, judgin' be
the pictures onySthe bill-boords. That's a
thrue worrud. 'Anr the natural way they
make these same pictures is a caution.
The top-toein an the hoigh kIckin' thots
tuck the place O. the old-fashioned reels is
enough to make We fale that there's no
such ting as raj art ony more. An they'r re
gone thot thrue to loife that whiniver the
Liice they re pasted anto happens to be
sntruck be the wind OF c'u'd take me
shklrtintine shtep, regardless av the fact
thot Oi niver paid a clint at the ticket
once. once U niver wanted that bill-boord
th.is,. theIe. us no good company, wild Its
tnTicks ana 1tggamarees."
During these observations Mickey had
Deen patiently sitting on a bowlder in the
lot watching the goat. He had reasons
ABOUT an hour before he had taken a
heavy spring which he got from some cast
or upholstery, compressed 1t and tied it
with cord. By wrapping it with cabbage
ieaVes ne had induced the animal to swal-
low It, He had no desire to hurt the goat.
On the contrary. he had observed a rather
Sluggish tendency in the animal and
thought 1t needed a tonic.
AT last he was rewarded. The goat jump
ed several feet into the air and executed
a series of intricate and agile evolutions.
He jumped sometimes on two legs, some
times on three and occasionally pirouetted
on only one. In great alarm Mr.. and Mrs.
Dolan ran to the cherished Drotege of The
household. They could only allow it to
continue its caDers. Stridins over to the
bill board, Mrs. Doian shook her finger at
1t and exclaimed:
We'll hov the law on 'em: thot's what
We'll do"
How're yez goin' to elect damages
from anybody because the goat gifts the de-
lirium thrimmins?" inquired her husband.
That's no delirium thrimmins. It's plain
as day what ails the goat. It's been a long
tonne breakin' out, but twas bad whin it
cem He's been attn SO many bal1et-girls
off'n the bill-boords thot his systems full
o them. That's phwat's the matther wild
i'm. PHILANDER JOHNSON.
Evening star., 1896-11-28
A NATTER OF DOUBT.

1t Wns u Peculiar Cnse and He WANT
ed to Do the Right Thing.
'Would you mind telling me something!'
he asked with some hesitancy
certainly not" The Star reporter an
swered.
"You see great many newspapers?'
Il have to read considerably"
'And you ought to be able to tell whether
thing is funny or not"
Cant you tell for yourself?
Ordinarily. But 1 have a case here that
needs an expert opinion. Some time ago
was employed by a man to look after his
stock In trade-Which consisted mainly Of
oeer. some people came In, and in order
TO entertain them I showed them a few
tricks that I had learned. One Of them
said to me that he knew a good trick, and
that If would help him out he would
show 1t. l was willing to do anything l
could to make 1t pleasant for the COMPANY.
and when he asked me for an augur, 1
handed him small one that happened to
be handy. He went over to keg of beer
and bored hole in it. He told me to mt
my thumb over the hole. / did So and he
bored anothex hole in the keg At his re-
guest put my other thumb over the other
Then what did he do?'
Then he began to treat the crowd to
everything in sight All could do was to
reason with them about their conduct.
didn't dare take either of my thumbs off.
for the result would have been a geyser
that would have ruined the new wall paper.
When they had helped themselves to all
they wanted they went away and left me.
1t was two hours before the proprietor came
and plugged up the holes and released me. -
Does the owner hold you responsible ?''
II don't know whether he does or not.
I haven't been back, and the next time I
go to work, it will be in a drygoods store
or grocery. All I want to ask you is this:
Was that good joke or was it a case Of
false pretenses. Which ought / to do
laugh and be merry, or have those people
arrestedY
Evening star., 1896-11-28
BARBER SHOP STORIES.
Peculiar Things Men Do When They
Go to Get Shaved.

Peculiar Things Men Do When They
Go to Get Shaved.
Funny and often embarrassing things
happen in a barber shop" said the barber,
as he sawed away on Star reporters face.
You see that man standing out there.
Two years ago he came in here one night,
got a shave and went opt. In a few min
utes he returned and asked me II l had
seen his diamond scarf pin. He said it
must have been pulled out by the towel
around his neck. 1 searched, but found
nothing. and he went out. He came back
in an hour and again inquired in such a
manner as to arouse my anger. To satisfy
him, stopped work, with house full Of
men waiting for shaves, and searched
everything, even going into the old hair
lying around. He went away and returned
again. / asked him If he was sure he had
worn 1t, and he said he would swear he
had 1t when he walked in my shop.
almost had fight with him about 1t. He
went out at last. and 1 never saw him
again until Monday morning. Then he
acknowledged that he had found the pin in
his trunk.
Another time young man, the son of
tailor, came in. l noticed that he had an
odd-looking overcoat on, but / said moth
ing. When he went to leave he said some
one had taken his overcoat. ! asked him If
the coat hanging on the rack was not the
one he had worn to the shop He most
solemnly protested that it was not and
threatened to raise a disturbance If he did
not get his coat. About that time his faith.
er walked in and inquired about the trou-
BILE. He examined the coat and found that
1t was his. and that his son had worn 1t
without noticing 1t. That saved me some
trouble.
"One night man came in, took off a
light overcoat and sat In the chair to be
shaved. Then another man came in. and
also took off light overcoat, which he
hung on the rack. Number l got up and
put on No. 2's overcoat. There was an i'm
mediate dispute, but No. claimed that it
was his He persisted in his claim, and
was told by No. that If he wore the coat
away he would be arrested. He did so, any,
how. and the next thing was that No. was
IN the hands of a policeman. and was beg
g1ng US to say he did not intend to steal
the overcoat. He had hard work getting
out OF the matter. I never could see how
he could have been honestly mistaken. but
he might have BEEN"
Evening star., 1896-11-28
THE HrsBASD's PROGRAM.
What He Told His Wife and Mbat
He Actually

He had meditated making this declara-
tion OF Independence for a long while and
ne hnally concluded TO spring IL on Thanks
giving eve.
Therese." he said to his wife about an
hour after supper that night as he pulled
on his gloves and oyercoat, THANKSGIVING
eve comes only once every year, and 1t
ought to be celebrated. l am going out
am not going to the lodge. am not
going down to the office to fix lid my
books L am not going to sit up with a
sick friend 1 am not suddenly called to
Baltimore on business that will keep me
away untli morning. But I'm going to
have a bully good time right here in WsssnD
ihglon, and maybe L won't get home before
or tomorrow morning. So you needn't
stay Up for me.
From here I'm going ,lou, to lin, r,l,a
SOS, where there's going to DE turkey
raifie I'm going TO blow in the price of a
turkey chucking dice for that one. III
win II, III send it up by a boy. IL don't
IL puy one at the market and send IL I'd
expect to have about three Martieny
cocktails at BlUdso's, and maybe one or
Two gin rickeys. Then I'm going 10 the
variety show with Tom Atkinson and some
more OF Abe fellows. While were there
wen perhaps have a few more riokeys.
After the show were going TO sit down 10
quiet little game of poker. with a dollar
iimlt. We have already agreed to break
=
ing. After the game I'm going 10 a Turk
lsh bath and splash around anu ,,et i,oiied
out for awhile. Then I'm coming home
See?'
Then he bolted for the front door and
was out on the street bpfo:e she had a
chance TO reply.
About two hours later-it was on!y g.a0
In the evening-she heard a hacx draw I'D
ana stop in front of he house. From The
front window she saw han sprawl cur of
the hack. In the bright moonlight she
could make out that he hid two colossal
made his way Up the front steps with great
difficulty. Five minutes later H.. was i'm
bed, sleeping heavily.
He was Very repentalt in the morning
notwit hstandinc mis- neal
dldn' really mean 10 stay out so Ia e.
horest InJun, L didn t. hc said 10 his
wife, in conciliatory tone, "and 4 oGiy
t;.lked that way before going gu: la-l night
Tor fun. But / 1ast coulIa'; break away
from the boys. They woJiia't .et rue go
-l swcre 10 'em that I'd nave 10 QUIT and
make run for home shortly alter hid
night, but 1; was no use. Ns:sn'i drinking
Anything. either. Had a lite cider. thats
ali. Well, i won S,D in he gar:e anyhow,
but we couldn't manage 10 break il up
much before O'Clock mis- morning Then
l made rush for the Turkish hath outfit
and got through as quick 4 could. Got
nome about .':3o this mGrning. Never was
SO sober in my life. Wei, when / came in
here and found you asleep and looking
pretty and flushed and all that, you know
1 felt cheap, for a fact. and L was glad you
didn't wake up. feel pretty rocky from
the loss of sleep, and it's the last time 1
may depend upon that"
He doesn't know yet how and at what
hour he came home Thanksgiving eve anG
he probably won't know until he reads this
Evening star., 1896-11-28
LOCATING THE BLAME.
An Overnight Which Was Unquestion.
ably Misleadinx,

One Of Washingtons amateur actors has
profound faith in the efficacy of adver-
tising. And 1t must be confessed that the
public has given him reason to feel that
1t is somewhat slow at making discoveries
1t was after the entertainment and the
chairman Of the committee on arrange
ments was receiving his usual measure
Of reproof.
"Who got up the programs?" asked the
young man.
Il did," replied the chairman of the COM
mittee. II suppose you think that your
part Of the performance was not given suf-
ficient prominence"
II don't care anything abou. the promi-
nence But so long my name was men,
toned at all it might as well have been
done right"
II don't see that you ought to say any
thing about the way in which we called
attention to you. The audience didn't
seem 10 know you were there"
''On the contrary, a number of my friends
told me 1 was tirst-rate, especially when 1
sang that comic song
II didn't hear anybody laughing"
"Of course not. And that's where l say
you are to blame. How could you expect
them to laugh? You didn't state In the
program that 1t was a comic song
Evening star., 1896-11-28

me to try to convince her that such an ex-
hibition as she so loved and dotted on did
not exist in this city. The guide books do
not say that the officers and diplomatic
corps constantly wear Uniforms, but the
average female reader gets that idea from
tbem.'
Il have satisfied myself that the impress
sion which many have that teas improve
with age is a mistake observed the buyer
for one of the large hotels, land think 1
can demonstrate 1t to any one who will
take the trouble to look into it the least bit.
Another thing 1 have found out, and that
is it is economy to look at tea before
buying it. There is great deal of broken
and dusty teas or teas with dead leaves
thrown upon the market, and it is poor
economy to buy them though occasionally
the price OF: them Is somewhat reduced.
Those that show black, infused leaves, OF
stalks that float on the surface of the in
fusion, should not be purchased. They
cannot be depended upon either for flavor
or taste. Particular people are more par
ticuiar about tea than anything else served
at a hotel, and l assure you it requires that
every precaut:on shall be taken to keep
scme guests. I am somewhat cranky my
self on tea, and when can get good tea
for the same money 1 have to pay for a
second grade of the same tea, l prefer to
get the best AZ the same price"
x X y
II have heard of small fees in conse-
quence of the hard times" said a Police
Court lawyer, but a thing happened about
the court one day last week that convinced
Inc that times indeed were hard, and this
particular fee very small. Exactly what it
was is not known. This, however, is
known: a colored lady was tried for a
trivial offense-I do not know whether she
was flied or not. If she was fined l am
sorry, for people with such noble sent-
ments are unfortunately very rare. too rare
for most lawyers who have TO earn their
living by the sweat of their jaw around the
Police Court. AS the colored lady Was
leaving the court she remarked to her COM
panion. another colered lady, You sit here
and wait until 1 return. l have to go
across the street to get a dollar bill
changed SO that can pay my lawyer"
THE man with an arithmetical puzzle
struck cur department also.' remarked q
clerk in the Treasury Department. with
one like that which has nearly driven the
War Department clerks wild (adding the
digits from 1 to 8 so as to make 1000. 1t
looks simple. but, oh my. try it for your
self. and you tan appreciate it. The prop
csition is like this:
Take any six of the figures below and
add them to make 81. No fractions
ere allowed
Evening star., 1896-11-28
THE MOMENToUs QUESTION.
1t Was Brief and Simple, but Full O
Meaning.

She is charming young woman. the
more attractive because of her confidiny
credulity. Her mother, as befits a woman
of her responsibilities, is a model of eau
tiousness. The cir! was talking of a man
whose acquaintance with the family was
still young. but whose qualities were such
as to render him a very agreeable COM
panion. The mother tolerated him and the
daughter encouraged him.
my dear" said the former, "it seems to
me that you are allowing Mr.. Gilderson 10
monopoize a great deal Of your time"
Il hadn't noticed 1t, mamma"
Il hope that you realize that the years
Of your life between nineteen and twenty
seven are very precious and should not be
wasted"
But Mr.. Gilderson is a very bright and
energetic young man. And he seems ex-
ceedingly well BRED
Yes"
"And he knows so many fine people. He
knows dukes and duchesses and one or two
of the crowned heads. He has been abroad,
you know"
$50 gathered from his conversation"
And he knows nabobs and heiresses in
this country"
''Yes. my dear. I haven't the slightest
doubt of It, There Is only one question
that arises in my mind.
What is that, mamma?"
'Do they know him?'
Evening star., 1896-11-28
THE WIFE SCORED ONE,
A Domestic Conversation and the In
terestinK OMtcOme.

terestfnK Outcome.
Grigson has a habit of waiting until they
go to bed to tell his wife the gossip he has
picked up during the day. He reads four
OR five papers, ads and all. between sup
per and bed time. and his wife knows the
fruitlessness and danger of attempting to
pick any talk out of him while this news
absorbing process is going on. BY the
time Grigson. with his hand on the gas key
has made survey of the room between
the light and the bed. and pulls the cover
ings over him. he appears to his wife to be
just getting livened up for the day, and
wants to talk. while she is sleepy and wants
to slumber. She always makes a brave effort
to keep awake, however, and to humble
an occasional "M-mh" and "Yes?" and
weir at the proper times. When the
story is especially long and drawn out.
however. she cannot help, for the life of
her, dropping off completely to sleep
When she does this. she unvaryingly rouses
herself when she hears her husband NUT
ter, Blamed II don't believe that woman
Is sound asleep" and says, Go on; I am
listening"
I'm bet thirty cents that you don't re-
member word 1 said to you In bed last
night" said Grigson to his wife the other
morning at breakfast.
Indeed. 1 do remember everything YOU
SAID. she replied, but 1t could be seen that
she was doing some hard thinking as she
said it.
For instance" went on Griyson. ct sun-
pose you recall that 1 said Thompson is
drinking hard, and"
Yes. chimed I'm Mrs Grigson, land that
he Is liable to lose his position il he don't
step, and
Now I've got you," exclaimed Grigson.
triumphantly. throwing down his napkin
for Grigson is notorious among his wife's
women friends as a mean old thing-"Tye
got you pat. didn't even mention Thomp-
sons name last night, and don't suppose
he ever took half dozen drinks in his life
so you were clearly asleep all the time
and that's all there is about it,
But Mrs. Grigson didn't bat an eyebrow
Tom," she said, after minute. don't
you think some good doctor could cure you
OF your habit of saying such strange things
when you are asleep and dreaming?"
Grigson looked at his wife i'm silence
Minnie" he said. solemnly, Il give YOU
up. WHAT'S the use Of your belonging to
all these church societies. anyhowy'
Evening star., 1896-11-28
WHY DIDN'T HE.
4 Man, . Woman, Glass Window
nnd the Puzzle.


and the Puzzle.
"A woman" remarked a grave looking
person with his eye fixed upon the figure
of the lady surmounting the great white
dome OF the Capitol "a woman is the beat
in'est critter on earth, or words to that
effect"
''Prithee, why?' asked the car driver
who was leaning up against the northeast
post of the small car shed.
"In my opinion" continued the grave
person. when the Creator mad finished His
work some years ago, of which you have
no doubt read in late editions of Philadel-
phia papers. 1 mean finished II all except
the last article on the list, 1t occurred to
Him that 1t would be pleasant for one
world to have something to keep :ts mind
engaged: SO He devised a wonderful puzzle
and called II woman"
The car driver began to look uneasy, as
If he had chased up against a crank and
yelled, IAN aboard" The grave person got
on and sat down beside friend Of his who
had been waiting there for him.
las l was saying" he went on as If
the friend knew what he had been talking
about. Il think women are the queerest
critters on the footstool. Now, there's nay
landlady, you know her, as fine, gOod-look-
ing young woman as ever lived and ought
to have a well-balanced mini, but she
hasn't. You know that door tha. leads
from the dining room into the hall? WeI
it's got clear pane Of glass in 1t, you
remember-well, this morning and for the
past eighteen mornings l have b-en fool
ing with her and that pane of glass. You
see, when l go out Of the dining room she
comes with me as far us the door and
stops. Three weeks ago. l made small
dash at her and she shut the door. leaving
me out in the hall. Then for fun, of course
/ stuck my cherry lips up to that pane OF
glass and dared her to meet me. But she
wouldn't do 1t. She thought it was great
fun though, and would stick her pretty
mouth up to within an .nch or Two of the
glass, and then with keen little feminine
shrek she would jerk away as if the glass
we're a hot stove lid. Well, she's been do
ing that ever since every morning. and
while think 1t is a pleasing and harmless
pastime. l can't for the life of me see why
she won't touch the glass. OF course, my
lips are on the other side Of 1t, and though
in plain sight are to all intents and pur-
poses a mile away, and why she Is so
afraid don't understand. It's woman's
way, 1 reckon and that is why l was say
ing a few minutes ago that there Is no
finding out a woman. 1 think"
Say" interrupted the car driver. stick
ing his head through the door in en in
tensely eager way, why in thunder don't
you break the glass out of the door and
try her once?" and the face Of the grave
person became trradiated on :he instant
as IL there had come a great flood OF sum
light into his darkened mind.