The Monitor-register., 1896-06-05
LITTLE FUN.

what is an irretrievable error"
ut is getting up and dressing at 5
O'Clock under the impression that the |
clock struck - Chicago Record.
nv
NJ. D.-This is queer. Have you taken
anything that disagreed with youa
The Patient-Nothing but your advice
OF yesterday.-Harlem Life.
*~x
Mistress-Look here, Jeanette; you
have brought me two shoes for the same
foot.
Maid-How strangel The other pair
are both for the same foot. too. -SketcA.
x*x
"Little Johnny opened his drum yester
day to find where the noise came FROM"
Did he find out?" YES. When his
father came home the noise came from
Johnny."-LJe
x*x
"I've cured young Swellhead of taking
off his hat The way he does when he
bows"
"How?"
II dropped a cent in it."-Detrois Free
Press
Hell will not deceive you, Clara; you
are not the first girl l ever loved"
She-"Never mind, George. l shall be
satisfied if remain the last."-LondOn
Anssoers.
x*x
She-You said l had a face that would
stop a trolley car in the middle of the
block.
He-I did. 1t takes q mighty good
looking woman to get a conductor to do
that.-hdianapols Journal.
n.y.
She-"I wonder what l ever married
you for anyway"
He-"I guess it was to get even with
your first husband for being smart enough
to die. "-hdianapolis Journal.
Xxx
Excited Traveller-Can l catch the four
O'Clock express for Buffalo?
Railroad Official (calmly)-That depends
upon how fast you can run 1t started
thirteen minutes ago.-Judge.
x*x
Kind Neighbor accompanied by a large
mastiff, to a little girl very much afraid
of him)-s'He's a good dog; he never
hurts anyone. Don't you see how he's
wagging his tail ?"
Little Girl (still shrinking back)-
eyes, 1 see; but that isn't The end Pm
afraid of."-II Bits.
**x
Voter-"It must be awful to have the
newspapers keep saying such things about
you"
Political Candidate-"Yes; but suppos-
ing they didn't say anything at alp
1Sb Bits.
"Do Algernon and Maud still Qnarrel?''
"No; they haven't had an angry word fol
two years." "Good, Pm so glad. What
brought about the charger" ''They stop
ped speaking to eaoh other altogether
Haqper's Bdzar.
x*x
Reed-You can make all the fun o.
young Legalite for his egotism you wan
to, but 1 tell you he a a powerful brain
Wright-By Jinks, he must have, t.
stand all the thinking he does about him
SELF Cincinnati Enquirer.
~
Narcissa, on a cruise-What is the mat
ter, Capt. B~obstay9
Captain-The fact is, my dear youns
lady, we've smashed u rudder.
Narcissa Never mind. It's mostl,
under water, and nobody will notice it,
Household Words.
*
"My dear, I thinx y on are a trife to-
particular"
"Wny?"
sin putting wire screens over the door
and windows, so our flies cannot get on
and associate with the ~neighbors' flies.
Chicago Record.
nv
Mr.. Spriggine (gently1-"My dear,
Boston man was shot at by a burglar
and his life was saved by a button which
the bullet strucz."
Mrs. Spriggins-"Well, what of it?"
Mr.. Spriggins (meekly) "Nothin e
only the button must have beer on."-
Boston TrdUeEer.
George That Miss Wildwood has
charming expression.
Maud-Do you think SOP" think sh,
has a very sly face.
Georgia. sly face?
Maud mean the kind of a face that
you wouldn't want to trust alone in 8
pantry with another girls pie Cleveland
PLAIN Dealer.
Lushforth-L)ok hers, did you say that
| would rather drink than eat?
ickwire-Why, no, not exactly.
swell, what did you say?"
"All l said was that if you were to go
for a meal to a place where you hao "
go through the bar to get to the dining.