Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-07-27
JUST FOR FUN.

will probably have trouble to get out
Is your new typewriter girl satisfac-
tory? Yes. She let me off twice last
week to go to a baseball game.
The way that some ancestors made
money isn't as disgraceful as the fact
that other ancestors failed to make
any.
Mrs. Slightly, do you enjoy playing
to have to think of only one thing at
time.
Man to Baker Boy What's your
dogs name, sonny? Baker Boy-Gin-
ger. Man-Does Ginger bite? Baker
Boy-Naw, Ginger snaps.
Little Boy-The preacher says there
is no marrying in heaven. Little Girl
of course not. There wouldn't be
enough men to go around
Held rather see Chinese actor
than any other. Shea Chinese ac-
tor. Why? He-Because they never
need be given their cue.
Sprockitt Il don't believe that
| Spencer is much of a bicyclist. Sprint
When told him I had wheel, he
did not ask me whose make it was.
She-Tell me story. He-Once
upon time, before people thought of
marrying for money-Oh! This hap
pened before money was invented, did
it?
Master-How was this vase smash
ed, Mary? Mary-If you please, sir, it
tumbled down and broke itself. Mas
ter Humph! The automatic brake
again!
In certain Sunday school teach
er asked the class, ssWhat are the two
things necessary to baptism?" Small
girl, replying, said, "Please, sir,water
and baby"
Mamma-Now, Jimmy, can you say
the last commandment? Jimmy-Thou
shalt not covet thy neighbours house,
nor his socks, nor his sash, nor any
thing that is his!
ment after seeing his sweetheart in
boomers, thus giving strength to the
contention that bloomers are aiding
in the emancipation of women.
Spratts Miss Elder is much older
than thought. Hunker-Impossible!
Spratts- asked her if she had
read 'sEsop's Fables" and she said
she read them when they first came
out.
She wanted her papa to sing Cousin
Kate's songs When told that they
would not sound like theEsame songs
if he sang them, she replied: II don't
care if he don't sing slim, like Kate.
I want the same words.o
During a call that little four year
old Mary was making with her moth
er, a slice of cake was given her.
ssNow, what are you going to say to
the lady?" asked thd mother. els you
dot any more?n asked little Mary, de-
murely.
An examiner asked the Bible lesson
class to tell him what was the chief
difference between Elisha and Elijah;
and, after pause, little lad held up
his hand, and said, "Please, sir, Eli
sha walked with God; but the carriage
was sent for Elijah!"
First Moth-How are the children?
Second Moth-All we'll, thank you.
We were little worried about Flos-
sic this morning. She ate too many
fresh camphor balls. Somehow, |
haven't the heart to deny the dears
the delicacies of the season.
boy, show many feet has dog, if we
call his tail foot?'' sWhy, five feet,
my son. ;sNo, father, that isn't right
"How SO, my SOM" "Why, he would
have only four feet. You see, calling
his tail a foot doesn't make it foot"
Johnny Jameson had arrived at his
eighth birthday, and thought it would
be real nice to write a letter to his
papa; and this is the way he began:
ssMy dear papa, = Whenever / am
tempted to do wrong, I think of you,
and say, Get thee behind me, Satanic
A little boy in one of our country
schools received his first days instru-
ton, and before night had learned to
spell one word 'sNow,n said the
teacher, "you can tell your grand
mother how to spell spig.'n "My
grandmother knows how to spell it,
Indignantly replied the loyal little fell
low. "She's teached SCHOOL,
In the spring young mans fancy lightly
turns to thoughts of-DeWitt's Little Early
~