Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-11-09
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

Wiggins-"That man is either des-
perate criminal or he lives in Brooklyn"
| Hogg-"How do you make that out!
| Wiggins-"Hes either in fear of de-
tective or trolley car; can't tell
which. Truth.
Testy Old Gent.-"Huh? Do you
| think you can support my daughter IN
the style to which she has been accus-
tomed?" Young Suitor-''Well, no; but /
can support her in the style to which her
mother was accustomed for good many
years after she married you" Old Gent
| (subdued) -'"Take her, my son, and be
happy" New York Weekly.
HOW IT HAPPENED.
| He had learned the part of Hamlet, but the
manager declared
| That his talents were for other roles whence
he could not be spared;
And this is why he gave it up. despite ambi-
tons throb,
| To play in julius Caesar as the leader OF the
mob. Washington Star.
He-"Oh, / am the flower of the fam
! lily, beyond doubt"
| She-"I wonder if that was what papa
meant when he spoke Of you as that
blooming idiot ?'-Indianapolis Journal.
| visitor-"How much the baby resem-
! bles its mother"
Father-"Yes, it talked when it was
! only months old."-Harlem Life.
! Miss Antique" That horrid Jones
: tried to kiss me last night after drinking
; too much wine at dinner"
J Miss Caustique-'I was told that he
| had signed the pledge this morning. =
| Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Brown-'Men are such dreadful
creatures! Does Mr.. Black ever come
home at night the worse for liquor?"
Stop! Yes, there was one night |
thought he had been taking too much.
| That was the time he spoke of the man
who laid the egg that killed the golden
! goose Boston Transcript.
| Clara-''I wonder how Edith came to
marry that horrid Mr.. Kreesus, after
having been waited upon by that charm
| ing Charley Dudekins. Charley was so
fond of music, and Kreesus doesn't know
enough about it to turn over the leaves
| Of music for one"
| Aunt Susan-"Perhaps not; but Mr..
Kreesus can turn over the leaves of his
! check book most beautifully. Boston
Transcript.
ooh, Henry" exclaimed his little wife,
| IS she threw her arms rapturously
around his neck, II do love you SO!
| Don't forget to leave me $40 when you
go in town this morning, will you dear?"
"And this" muttered Henry, softly
disengaging himself from her fond en-
brace, this is what you might call be-
ing hard pressed for money. "-Somer-
vile Journal.
Fogg-"That fellow over there with
the parenthetical limbs ought to be a
| fine player at tenpins."
Fenderson-"Why 500"
Fogg-''Don't you see? Because he
is bowO legged. Boston Transcript.
ooh, these people would be all right if
they had a leader" Eyes, ciphers are
e 10
! follow. Detroit Tribune.
The Essential Part-Lord Notasent
| (moodily)-"I dreamt last night, James,
that had plenty Of money! The Valet
! lea gerlyl-"An' 90 was tn 'appy
H'american girl, me ud?"-Puck.
He-"Could anything be more delight
full than the harvest moon?" She-"I
may be wanting in artistic appreciation,
but the honeymoon has always been my
ideal. Detroit Free Press
Palace-car Porter--"Kin I brush de
dust outer yer clothes, boss?' Traveller
There's no dust in my clothes, Sam. y
"WeII. yer doesn't look like yer was
dead broke, boss. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Owens-''W whats in name, anyhow
Dunne-"Not much in yours, old man"
| Owens-"What do you mean? Dunno
-"Why, everything you've got is in your
wife's name, isn't it?"-Brooklyn Life.
Pilrey-"And because you couldn't find
nickel to pay the fare, did the con-
ductor make you get off and walk!'
Jayson-"No he only made me get Off.
/ I could have sat on the street IT I'd
wanted to."-Roxbury Gazette.
GLOW singular it happened that Mrs.
| Delaware was able to find proof that
she had known her husband in a previ-
Gus reincarnation.
Glow did she discover it|
''She found a letter she had given him
to post in a former state of existence. =
Buffalo Times.
Mother-''Dont eat your pie now,
Johnnie; save it until the last"
Johnnie-"Say, NAV, don't distrust
YOU. but the kid who swiped my pie
at the picnic said the same thing. =
Adams Freeman.
"What time is it, my lad?' asked an
American traveller of small Irish boy,
who was driving couple of COWS home
| from the fields.
'About y o'clock, sir" replied the
| boy
81 thought it was more"
cts never any more here" returned
| the lad. in surprise. |'It just begins at
1 again. "-Harper's Round Table.
Nell-"Did you enjoy the performance
last night"'
Belle-''No; it was stupid. Nearly
every woman in the house took her hat
off, and there was nothing to look at
but the ay."-Philadelph Record.
Can any of you tell me why Lazarus
was a beggar?" asked the female teach
er in a west side Sunday school. why
was Lazarus a beggar?" she repeated
sternly. please, ma'am," replied a
small boy, whose father was merchant,
because he didn't advertise. Buffalo
! Times.
what is the average life of a good
! bicycle, Sprocl1ets|
| '!Well. some of them last until they
are paid for."-Chicago Record.