The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-06-13
DUNDER DONE AGAIN,
ne TELLS THE SERGEANT ABOUT
HIS LATEST ADVENTURE.

Snap In America Is and Gives Him Som
Good Advice-A Great Book About tn
Country's Biggest Mon.
The fat police sergeant had his hand
clasped behind his head and was lean
ing back i'll his chair and watching tn
movements of a winter fly as it buzze,
around the mucilage bottle, when Mr.
Dunder entered the station and saluted
Flow you vhas, sergeant? 1 VIA
shust going by, you know"
Somebody has taken you in again
/ snppose?" said the officer after a Ion,
look at him.
"How vhas / TOKEN INF" demanded
MIR. Dunder. "Do you belief I vhas .
greenhorns all my life? II somebody
has a shwindler, can't I tell it?"
perhaps So"
"Of course I can. IN two weeks
throw oafer ten shwindlers oudt of my
place. You vhas always pitching into
me, but You vhas my frendt. und maybe
1 put you Oh to something good.".
"Got a good thing, eh?'' queried the
sergeant as the fly got two legs fast and
he reached out and liberated him.
Dots what it seems to me. You
know dot book called Der Biggest Men
of America don't your"
"No, I never heard Of it."
'Vhell, she vhas two tousand pages
big, und she hat two tousand pictures
Of de biggest men in dis country. She
vhas bound in calves, NIT gold edges,
und she last fife hoonered years."
just two thousand Of the biggest
man, eh?"
'Shust two tOusand und no more.
Each II has a picture und a page. It
tells who he vhas und all aboudt him,
und when he vhas deadt his shildren
read dot book. I told dot agent to come
down und see you. Maybe you vhas big
enough to go in dot book if you like TO.
Vhas he here?"
Ibid he call on you?'' asked the SER
geant in reply.
HE didt. Last week he comes in nv
place und says, vhas I Carl Dunder. I
vhas. All right. He reads Of me in all
der papers md comes up from Toledo to
see me. He doan' like to get dot book
oudt unless I vhas in it, md he shows
me der names Of one tousand big men. I
see Shorge Washington, Abraham Lin
coin. Grofer Cleveland, und all sooch
men,"
And l suppose he offered you a page
between Washington and Lincoln. didn't
he?"
"How you know dot? Yes, he like
me on do page. | talks NIT der oldt
womans, und l talk NIT Shake, und
finally l takes dot page. She comes
poorly high, but if you vhas a big man
you hat to pay for it. Here is What he
writes aboudt me on dot page. Listen
while I read:
"'Carl Dunder vhas born in Shermany
in 1876, und he comes oafer to America
in 1873.
"'Vhen he goes by Detroit he likes
dot town und settles down und goes into
peesness, und vhas a great sooccess.
der peoples like to run him for
aldermans, but he doan' care for office,
und vhas some honest mans.
"'He has II wife, who vhas a treas
ure, und his only son Shake Will climb
oop to der top if he keeps on likes he
vhas.
"'Mr. Dnnder can ride a bicycle nor
cut some pigeon wings on roller skates,
but he vhas good natured, cheerful und
ready to help others.
"'If some war breaks oudt in America
he Will be found alongside der patriots,
n gun OH his shoulder, a flag in his hand
and a wish to perish in his enthusiastic
heart. Doan' you make no mistake on
lot Carl Dunder!
"'We like to say aboudt dis great
mans dot he vhas some greenhorns
when he first comes to Detroit, but by
and by he vhas so sharp dot nobody can
oeat him.
"Dot vhas only a part of her, SER
seant,' said Mr.. Dunder as he folded up
the paper and returned it to his pocket.
dot agent doan' hat time to write
some more until he vhas back in To-
ledo."
> "How much did you pay him. Mr..
Dunder?" queried the sergeant as the
ay got four legs stuck and was left to
tree himself.
"Vhell, he asks feefty dollar, but see
ing she vhas me I can hat it for TWEEN
1y."
land you gave him the money!"
"Of course He deals NIT two tou-
sand big men, but he doan' trust, you
zee. 1t vhas cash in advance from efery-
body"
"And he has gone away?"
81 expect he has. He hat to go back
to Toledo, you know. Would you like
be in dot book, ~sergeant?"
"Mr. Dunder.' said the officer as he
took a sheet Of sandpaper from the
of his desk, "you can 60 back
into the captain room with this"
"How you mean?"
you'll find running water in there.
Soak your head for half an hour and
then sandpaper it. Get all the hair of,
all the skin off, all the meat off. Then
buck yonr bare skull against the WALL"
Sergeant, vhas-vhas ! shwindled
some more?' gasped Mr.. Dunder as he
turned very white around the mouth.
Certainly. You are the softest snap
in America. It's a wonder you keep
the shoes IN your feet. Go soak and
'andpaper and die"
"So-so Ivhas shwindled? l vhas not