Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-09-17
= MISFIT CLOTHES. =.

49, 4 Ss.AtS
Noman who has never appeared before
an army courtrmartial sor examining
BOARD can havetan adequate conception
OF the sworriment that recently agi-
tated Col. Wade, q member of the in
quisitive body that went digging into
the cases of several army officers at
Chicago some time Since. ~ Col. Wade
started from, San Antonio with spurs
clanking ndaswords fairly. glistening
under the magic effects of powdered
brickdust. Also he had blue clothes
with gold curlicuess andsdesigns like
wall paPerson them. and in general he
was accoutered regardless. But in an
evil moment an ignorant porter, mis-
taking his swords for new, kind of
sectional fishing rod, bundled the whole
glorious dream of martial splendor in to
the berth of British tourist who was
on his way to the Wind River mountains
to catch macherel. So when the colonel
arrived in Chicago he found himself
quite out of the class of Gen. Brooke
and Maj. Dewitt and the others of the
examining board, who sauntered around
with an average of a peck of gilded
garnishment on them. He$was obliged
to submerge himself in shame and a
brown tweed suit and feel that he was
guilty of conduct unbecoming an off,:
Ger and a gentleman, because heZdid not
rattle and clang as he walked, like. a
crate of crockery or a wagon load Of
structural iron hauled over a granite
pavement. ,e'.ss
The army officer who has worked his
way up into the king row is, when he
goes on departmental duty in his IA
tigue uniform, a thing of beauty and a
rest to weary eyes. We once had the
pleasure of seeing Gen. Crook distrib--
uting medals to sharpshooters on the
Bellevue rifle range, and by conservative
estimate his clothes weighed ton, and
they were just the ordinary clothes to
go with such an. august occasion as
the bestowing Of a quarters worth of
silver to stubby-mustached soldier
who had succeeded in not killing the
cow in the field to the right of the earth
bank. 1t was an August day, and the
day seemed to have been vigilantly clay
ing" for the general, for when he moved
majestically forward under "a black
chapeau with enormous plumes and
with his uniform tightly buttoned
him the sun seemed to take an
other hitch in it's running gear, and it
went at him as though it meant to
nerve up roast general we'll done for the
evening barbecue. The perspiration
~streamed down both sides of his face
sand formed sort of Allegheny Monon-
gahela confluence at his collar button,
and there was freshet and food
tide quite in keeping with the Ohio
rivers regular June rise. His beautiful
blue clothes with their hardware and
bullion on them seemed to melt and
coalesce with his frame, but he valiant
. y talked on, and told the soldier who
had not hit the COW how patriotic and
loyal of HIM it was, and the country
was proud of him and his score, which
was 4-11-44, or something of that kind.
Several months 3afterward "a friend Of
the general was fishing with him out
in the mountain country, and that med
al presentation was touched upon in
conversation. The general at that mo-
ment was wearing an old white SLOUGH
hat, some other mans overalls and a
hickory shirt. In an impressive way
he beckoned his accomplish to approach
closer so that the wild mountain crags
might not hear and report to Washing-
ton, and whispered: s Do you know that
son that day came near proving a
traitor to. the government? Twas upon
the pointSo renouncing my allegiance
to the United States of America and of
going bowling across the meadow to
the river. At the very moment when
I was burning most fercely and was
telling what I thought of sharpshoot-
ing as great boon to humanity hap
pened to look across the field back OF
the gathering, and there on the river
bank I saw a delighted boy of about
ten or twelve, clad only in the purity of
thought and heaving mud at an asso-
ciate of his own age who was sputter-
ing around and diving in the cool water
of the stream. You may have thought
ut the time that spoke SO earnestly of
the grandeur of American institutions
that had inmind the march to the can.
mons mouth and the din and carnage
of battle for the flag, but did not. /
was speaking with my mind fixed solely
on the glad custom of 'chawing beef
and Of sliding down slickery place on
the bank and into the water. Ipledge
you my honor as an officer and gentle
man that if that boy had not at that
moment gathered Up his clothes and
J fed at the approach Of the town con-
stable would have renounced the flag
discarded my chapeau and uniform and
ibecome q joyous deserter.! glorying in