New-York tribune., 1896-04-01
THE TALK or THE DAY.

Old Lady ton the road to Niagara Falls>-what
makes the cars jar and rattle So conductor? It's
abomlnable'
Conductor-I,s the effect OF carryin' 50 many
bridal couples. ma'am! The course OF true love
never dld smooth. You know. ma'am,
Wlfc-"I wonder you will eat things that you
know 5S sun to cs SqF' there is something nice
Sc, before me- eat It without thinking OF myself
am an altrust."-Cic")n ")n Transcript.
Clergyman IN an Eastern town warned Ma
hearers lately mot 70 walk in slippery path lest
they be sucked. mnelstrom-ke, into It's meshes'
This metaphor suggests that OF another clergv
man who prayed that the word might be nall
driven in sure place. sending It's roots downward
and It's branches upward"
A Consistent \ud!ence-Flrst Thespan-so. yo9
brought out your new tragedy during Lent. !
suppose the audience gave you reception meet
second Tees Aan-No: being Lent they gave me
ggs-(Nashlngton Times.
Tho woman editors reply:
II send you back your heart" she wrote.
"Regrettlng that I cannot nse 1t:
No lack OF merit 10 implied
In the mere fact that refuse II.
or numerous reasons any one
May for my quite unfit II.
And really. I'm overstocked
'Tis hopeless further TO submit it!'
your way, Mr.. Gohbidge?
'Yls sor; billy goat won't ate a tin can
wllOut It's got Crane label onto N'-(Chicago
Record
The editor OF a backwoods paper in Kentucky has
los, faith In Second Adventism. He says: I'VE got
fooled on this very thing before; some crank
made us believe the end OF the world was coming
in February 1881 We sold our overcoat. and bought
lot OF thin linen stun and had II made up into
what tho prophet called Ascension robes We got
ready TO 20 up the day set We got on one Of
these robes. and looked every minute for the end
to come jabbng us into eternity. We climbed
up on the housetop 70 be nearer the skies when II
! did come We looked In vain for the end. Our
neighbors laughed at us We arc on earth yet We
were fined $50 for wearing such clothes In daytime
in public. We caught cold and had case OF
pneumonia which cost $50 for doctors bill. No..
Mr.. Prophet. we've done with the end OF the
world"
A little four,year-old In ,t the family OF Valentine
having share OF the good things OF life and
equal rights With all During the recent stormy
out at the storm which had kept him within doors
several days. Finally he turned to his father and
asked:
rs this Gods day. papa?'
The question was poser but the father ceased
| the perusa OF his psper long enough to reply
YES. they are all Gods days
We'll when is he going to give us day." was
the little ones next Inquiry. delivered after some
moments OF silence.-(Brooklyn Times.
Barnard B. Evans. a brother of Governor Evans.
OF South Carolina, declares that that State has not
been az prosperous since the War II Is now.
MY brother the Governor" he says has just re-
| turned from an extended visit to the phospha 10
fields OF Florida Much to his surprise no finds tina
We have In our midst much better material. easier
| to mine and not full OF grit Is the Florida
| phosphate Besides we can produce cheaper phos-
| phate than can Florida Our cotton mills are
paying large dividends. Not long since the Rich
land Mill at Columbia declared a dividend Of from
70 TO ls per cent. A cottonseed-ol mill last year
paid a dividend OF 70 per cent. Spartanburg the
Lowell Of South Carolina, has a number Of mills
and they are all making money. All Of them are
doubling their capacity and the future output must
be very great Still there Is room for more mills
and Massachusetts people are coming nearly every
day into tho State looking for investments In cotton
mills"
Willie Washington was gasing into space with a
| Wiie?" said OF his friends Have you been
| having troubleY "Y-a-a-s. I'm afwaid that i've
| zone and made myself verwy unpopular with Van
bggles and his wife, don't you know" I'm what
| way?" "why. you know they both wide bicycle.
| YES" I'm costume" Certainly" And I met
| them this afternoon. They passed me one aftah
| the othah" And didn't you speak 70 themy'
| "Y-a-a-s wish hadn't fob do you know.
everwy time think the msttsh oyah I'm half con. con
Diggles and said Hello. old man.. 10 his wife,
u fxxfa shi ivwtop