davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
At the soiree.
Sunday.

Beginner--In what particular part
would you advise young poetess to
develop herself?
Adept-Why, in the feet, Of course.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16

The Landlady-Can you recommend
this turkey?
Marketman--I can, ma'am. With
careful usage, that bird will last you
n month.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16

IT,
If love were always rosy
And knew no mortal ills,
And never went to pay the rent,
Or stormed at grocery bills
Then would the world go singing,
And heaven would kiss the hills,
If love were always rosy
And paid no grocery bills!
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
A BenutIful Han.

Beneath the stars they walked alone,
Returning from an evening ramble,
Now Jack" she said in sweetest tone,
"Please tell me, do you ever gambler
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
True.

May-In what direction is the new
woman tending?
Agnes-In any dis oction except tend
ing babies
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
Old SANDER Refutod.

1--WE 'uns use jes' as much water
said the indignant Kentuckian, "as
they do anywher's else-fur baptizin'."
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
what are you in for?"
Cause I can't git out"
BnndnIr Chat.

Bella-Whats the matter, Miss
Passe? You seem to be declining?
Miss Passe GndignantlyJ-Indeed!
There isn't a man this season who has
given me the chance.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
His arnndfath or. of Course.

"Who was Wasnington's father,
Jack?" asked the teacher.
"The grandfather Of his country"
replied Jack.-Harper's Young People.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
Taboo.

Dusty Rhodcs-Lady, will this shirt
wash?
Mrs. Dogood-Of course it will.
Dusty Rhodes (sadly)-Then IL
can't take it.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
Nothing to Prevent.

Sitanchin-Forty years ago girls
knew how to cook.
Van Pelt-Yes, but they didn't have
cooking schools then.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
why?

Herdso-We are told that silence is
golden.
Saidso-Then why don't the free coin
age people shut up?
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16

Madge-Mabels 5000 box Of silk
hosiery just arrived from Paris yester-
day.
Estolle (cynically)-Ah! She'll be see
ing mice everywhere now for a month,
won't she?
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16

Dearest, I don't" was his reply,
His face aglow with rapturous bliss;
"But who would say I should not try
Could always hold hand like thisT"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16

O'Toole-That depinds; if he come
late in November, he may have to wait
nearly a year.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16

Eli Siland--How long do man have
to be in this country before he can
Vntn0
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
OUR WIT AND HUMOR.
LATEST PRODUCTIONS OF THE
FUNNY WRITERS.

A Chance for Our Lean Readers to Ac-
emulate Flesh-A Man Whose Inton-
lions Were Honorable-The Convlct's
Reason.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16
Difficult.

l find no trouble in kissing girls
OF three and OF thirty-three;
But bridging the chasm between the
two
Is the hardest part for me.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16


Except to take chew,
And when he wasn't chewing
The air with smoke was blue.
He bought a big plantation,
So well he loved the weed.
And planted every acre
With fine Havana seed.
One day, when very weary,
He laid him down to sleep
Amid the green tobacco, where
The caterpillars creep.
They swarmed about and over him,
With ceremony scant,
And ate him-body, bones and all
For tobacco plant.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-01-16

ED used tobacco
constantly
Since he was
seventeen,
Until his whole
anatomy
Was soaked with
nicotine.
lie never once
stopped smok-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
TWO WRONGS MAKE NO RIGHT.

To the Editor of the Globe.
The following clause in the national Demo-
cratic platform is severely criticised by Re-
publican writers and speakers as tending to-
wards a reorganization of our supreme court
for partisan purposes:
I'VE declare that it is the duty of congress
to use all the constitutional power which re-
mains after the decision, or which may come
from its reversal by the court as it may
hereafter be constituted, so that the burdens
of taxation may be equally and impartially
laid" etc.
Is it not a fact that after the supreme
court of the United States declared the green
back-tender law unconstitutional the SUI
preme court of the United States was in
creased in numbers for the purpose Of re-
versing this decision, and is it not generally
understood that before President Lincoln ap-
pointed such additional members he well
understood their position on this question or
was it only one additional member?
Please give us the particulars with names
OF such Apprentices. j. N. Rogers.
Princeton, Aug. &c, 1896.
1t is true that the membership of the
supreme court was increased by the ad-
dition Of two justices after the court
had held the legal tender act uncon-
stitutional and that President Grant.
not Lincoln, appointed Bradley and
Strong to the bench. 1t was charged
that their favorable opinion was known
before their appointment; In fact, we
believe Strong had so held 1t is true
that the former decision was reversed
soon after they took their seats, on a
motion for a rehearing. 1t is also true
that one wrong does not Justify an
other nor do two Of them make one
right
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
ABOUT CONTRACT LABOR LAW

To the Editor Of the Globe.
Recognizing you an authority on politi-
cal questions, another party and myself have
referred to you Of you have the time and
inclination to answer) a question as to the
law restricting immigration. My friend ac-
cuses John Sherman of having (about 1864
caused the repeal Of legislation forbidding i'm
portation of contract labor, and that in con-
sequence there was no law of that kind in ex-
istence prior to the one enacted during Presi-
dent Cleveland's first term.
| contended that (Whatever Mr.. Sherman
did or responsible for) there did exist
some legislation on the subject, however de-
fective it might be, and l doubted that MIR.
Sherman had done anything to affect the law
for good or evil.
VIII you kindly furnish through your col
hand. Very respectfully yours, &C.
st. Paul, Aug. "a, 1886.
We can find no trace Of The exist
ence of any contract labor law prior
to the act of 1885, nor any law restrict
ing immigration, except the provisions
in treaties for the extradition of GRIM
inals. Even they were secure if no
treaty provided for their return to the
country of their crime. The debates
in the house and senate on the act of
1885 indicate that it was regarded as
new departure. Mr.. Sherman voted
for that act. Nothing in the "Recol-
lections'' of Mr.. Sherman, during the
time mentioned, indicates that any
measure to repeal any such law was
considered, and he is quite minute in
his references to legislation in which
he had any share. Without being pos
tive, we think your friend is mistak-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29

lures, is not clear. Neither Is Mr.. Bry
ans proposition the proper one from
his point of view. He contends, not
that silver will increase in price mere
ly, but that it will be worth $1.29 per
ounce. If he or any Of his friends wish
to deposit silver bullion In store with
somebody and leave with it written
guarantee to repurchase 1t at s1.29 per
ounce on the 9Th day Of next March, or
any other day of that or any other
year, previous to International agree
ment for silver coinage. we imagine
they would not lack takers. Bankers
being engaged in business and not in
speculation, would probably reject this
offer as the other, but we venture to
say that other people, who do not OBJ
ject to gambling on sure thing, will
take all the silver and all the agree
ments of that kind that the free silver
people choose to offer.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
MIR. BUTLER'S RECORD.
He Sought to Make Mexican Dollars
Legal Tender.

Senator Butler, now chairman of the
Populist national committee, made
record for himself on the money ques-
ton while in the senate On the 1st of
last May he introduced bill making
certain foreign coins legal tender Here
is the bill as taken from the Congress
sional Record:
Be it enacted, etc., That the Mexican dollar
containing not less than 3711z grains of pure
silver; the Japanese yen, containing not less
than 371A grains Of pure silver, and the trade
dollar shall be each equal in value to the
standard dollar of the United States and shall
each be full legal tender to any amount
for all debts and demands, public or private
Upon the measure Mr.. Butler said
Under the constitution of the United States
we have frequently passed laws making for
e1gn coins a legal tender. The act of Feb.
1893, over one hundred years ago, made the
Spanish milled dollar and certain other for
eign coins legal tender. Since that time
we have passed numerous other acts to make
foreign coins legal tender in this country
including the Mexican dollar. For over half
century the bulk of the silver coin in cir
culatfon among our people was foreign coins,
which had been made a full legal tender by
acts OF congress. Our people were more pros
porous then than they are now Now we
neither coin silver nor do we make foreign
coins legal tender. Our people are in distress
on account of the scarcity Of those dollars
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
RACE TRACK RUNAWAY.
Eight People Injured During the
Wild Excitement

RUsHvILLE, Ind, Aug pa most thrill
ing raee-track runaway, in which it seems
miraculous that a number Of people were not
killed, occurred at the fair grounds. AS it
49, eight persons are injured and two very
seriously hurt. They are:
George B. Won Phul, Greensburg; two ribs
broken; shoulder dislocated and two toes of
the left foot broken. Mrs. Thomas bruised
abdomen and lower limbs. Mrs. Frank Wind
Ter, city, cut on head. Mrs. George S. Moore,
city, badly bruised on body. Mcclellan Nipple
city, back injured. Miss BERTHE King; pros
tTation from fear. Two children, trampled
under horses feet.
1t was in the last half OF the second heat
of the 2:50 pace Mamie Wood coIIided with the
sulky of the Gar. The latter tore down the
home stretch without driver. Mamie Wood
racing at gallop, started toward a gap at
the east end Of the track. Fully 1000 per-
sons were crowded near this gap. Into this
crowd at fearful pace dashed the terrified
race horse, trampling under foot women and
children for 200 feet, through the crowd.
The horse dashed on until 1t became entangled
among seats and fell The sulky was broken
into hundred pieces. The greatest excite
ment was caused by the runaway, and the
crowd was stampeded, men, women and chill
dren making frantic rush to get away. Many
were knocked down and bruised, but not seri-
OuSly
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
INTERCITY FREIGHT RATES.
Being Arranged as Result OF
Traffic Changes.

General Freight Agent Moore, Of the
Northern Pacific, will issue his tariffs
in a day or two on freight traffic be-
tween the Twin Cities over the North
ern Pacific. The fact that the North
ern Pacific would establish its own
freight service in competition with that
Of the Great Northern, was mentioned
in the e Thursday. The North
ern Pacific will also conduct it's own
passenger business between the same
points, instead of dividing the receipts
with the Great Northern, as hereto
fore.
During the years in which the North
ern Pacific has been using the Great
Northern tracks between Minneapolis
and st. Paul the Minneapolis & ST.
Louis and the Chicago Great Western
have been using the former company 8
short line under contracts subject to
termination on so days notice. This
contract not only gave them the right
to all local business, but specified that
they must accept all such that the
Northern Pacific would naturally get
Owing to the fact that the Great West
ern's depot has not been near the bust
ness center Of the city, most Of the
business went to the Minneapolis &
ST. Louis. AS this road not only had
to pay for the use Of the Northern
Pacific tracks, but also for terminals in
st. Paul, there was little profit in the
business, though by careful attention
quite a volume Of freight traffic has
been worked up. Thus the Minneapolis
& st. Louis is quite willing to surrender
it's local Minneapolis-S Paul business,
and there is the best of feeling between
all the roads concerned. AS in the past,
beth the Minneapolis & st. Louis and
the Great Western will run their
through trains to ST. Paul over the
Northern Pacific's tracks.
Another change will be made by the
500 in it's Minneapolis freight terminals
by which that line will discontinue it's
agreement with the Great Northern,
and return to the Northern Pacific. The
latter road handled the 500 business
exclusively UP to a short time ago.
but the 500 for some reason switched
over to the Great Northern. The Soo
1t is said, finds it's trackage facilities
insufficient, and has made overtures
to the N. p. to return. That the change
will shortly be made Is admitted.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
MAULIFFE KNOCKED OUT.
only Lasted Four Rounds Against
ChOynski.

SAN FRANCISCO, Cal. Aug. 2s-The Oc-
cidental Athletic club gave series OF fights
tonight in its new pavilion at Woodward's
garden The place was well filled with a.
crowd Of 5000 persons. The chief event was
the eght-round go between Joe Choynski
and Joe McAuliffe, the mission Giant" Nc
Auliffe has been on the retired list for two
or three years. The men presented a great
contrast as they shook hands for the first
round. McAuhne lowered nearly four inches
above his antagonist with an advantage OF
three inches in reach. His appearance indi-
Gated that he had reduced his weight at the
expense of his strength and endurance.
Choynsk on the contrary. looked the pic
ture OF health. He entered the ring at
about 40 pounds.
Joe McAuliffe was knocked out in the fourth
round. Choynski assumed the aggressive
from the start and hit McAultffe when and
where he pleased. The Mission Giant was
completely out-.natched and when he came
up for the fourth round he was pereeptibly
winded. In this round. ChoyDsh went at his
man like demon Finally in the middle
of the round Choynski swung his right with
terrific force. 1t landed on McAuliffe's jaw
and the fight was over The Giants legs
weakened and he fell to the floor with
crash. He could not get up within the re-
quired ten seconds, and the fight was awarded
to Choynski. The latter was unpublished and
was In good condition when the fight ended
McAuliffe's efforts to reduce his weight told
on his strength. and he could not keep up the
fast pace set for him.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29

The second of the two great attrac-
tions to bring people to ST. Paul
next week is the annual exhibition Of
the Minnesota State Agricultural asso-
ciation.- This has a reputation that
speaks for itself. Like good wine, 1t
needs no bush. Ever since the asso-
citation became permanently fixed
upon it's splendid quarters between the
two cities, 1T has gone on year after
year simplifying the extent and in
Fair week has become one of the great
institutions of the Northwest, and
thousands Of people look forward for
months to attendance upon the Mime
sofa agricultural exposition as the one
great treat of the year. This season
the inducements offered to them are
greater than they have been for years
or are likely to be soon again. The
meeting of the Grand Army encamp-
ment in ST. Paul at the same time has
not only insured an immense attend
ance and procured exceptionally favor
able railroad rates, but 1t has spurred
the fair management to new and even
greater exertions.
The present year thousands and
tens of thousands of visitors, most of
whom will manage to spend at least
one day on the state fair grounds, have
made certain an enormous attend
ance. With this in mind the pro-
gramme for the week has been stuffed
full of first-class attractions, and any
one might spend the six solid days,
beginning next Monday morning, at
the fair without WEAKNESS or safety.
1t is going to be an event worthy of
it's promoters and of the crowds
that are coming into the Northwest.
The G l oh e, which knows what has
been going on, and has kept track of
the intelligent and successful efforts of
the fair managers to make this one
of it's greatest exhibitions, advises ev-
erybody in the Northwest, who can
possibly do SO, to come to St. Paul and
attend the fair next week
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
ADJUSTMENTS.

The Clement cambridge company In
Augustus Thomas great American
play, Alabama" will be the attraction
at the Metropolitan opera house all
next week, beginning tomorrow night.
with matinees Wednesday and Satur-
day. Mr. cambridge has always given
an excellent performance of this play.
and he claims this season to have the
best company that he has ever had
presenting the play. Seats and boxes
for any of the performances can now
be secured at the box office
Owing to the great number Of peo-
pie that will undoubtedly be in the
city on Tuesday, the management of
the Grand will give a matinee per-
Torrance Of 1.-THE Woman in Black
on that day. There will be no mat
inee on Wednesday, however, on ac-
count of that being the day of the
big parade. The sale Of seats for the
opening performances is indicative of
a large attendance. The play has been
rehearsed very thoroughly, and a per-
feet performance may be expected.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29

through the services Of good men, or
does he abandon that duty to those
who seek profit in governing? Does
he bear his share in the work of eau
cuses and conventions and voting, or
does he affect superiority that man
ties itself with indifference? Does he
go through life uncaring for his fell
lows, giving no helping hand? As
men make answer to these questions
in their actions do they prove or dis
prove a claim to the noble title Of pa
triot And in the answers must be
found the fact If we today are pa
triotic people
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
ABOUT HIS SIZE.

Mr.. Bryan's attempt to meet the
force of the Mexican dollar argument
is on a par with most of his speech
making. 1t is superficial and rather
less than wise. He tells his hearers
that if they have any doubt about the
effect of the free coinage of silver
they should take a Mexican dollar to
their banker and offer to deposit it to-
day for so cents, receiving from him
in return written statement to repay
Mexican dollar to them the day after
the inauguration of the next president.
Perhaps that sort of reply may catch
the thoughtless, but to the man who is
IN the habit of sitting down and study
ing things out for himself it will give
measure of the man. 1t does not
we may remark, to begin with. at all
touch the tremendous argument Of
fered by the Mexican dollar in the
United States and the American dol
lar in Mexico. Why the one should
be worth twice as much as the other
in both countries alike, and where it's
legal tender quality is of no effect. as
well as where it is operative. the free
coinage people have not yet explained
But, as to Mr.. Bryan's proposition, it
amounts to request to a banker to
enter into a speculative or gambling
transaction. 1t amounts to the mr.
chase of future on silver. 1t is nre
clsely as If man went to banker
wit a
asked him to pay the market price for
1t today, together with a written guar
antee to return, not that price. bIt 8
thousand bushels of wheat of the same
grade on the 5th day of next March.
There are people who are engaged in
that kind of business, but bankers are
not. All that it involves is a bet as
| to the price of silver on March 5. 1897.
Now, silver has been f1uctuating yio
lently for years past, and sometimes
| rising or falling materially within two
or three days. 1t is a commodity whose
| price follows the course of other COM
modities, but is made to vary more
widely than they do by the agitation
/ of free coinage. 1t is conceivable that
silver on the 5th of next March NAV
be worth so cents per ounce; and it is
also conceivable that 1t can be worth
only so. In the former case the bank
er would lose and in the latter he
would win. But why he should take
either the chance of winning or losing
in the course of his business, since
each is a pure Speculation In silver flu
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-08-29
ONCE MORE THE REGULARS.

Again we have occasion to consider
the wonderful consistency of the peo-
pie who denounce in unmeasured Ian
guage the anti-Bryan Democrats be-
cause of their irregularity, and chime
in with the chorus of approval that
greets the nomination of Messrs. Lind,
Day and Towne. 1t seems, indeed, to
us one of the most remarkable spec
tacles in the history of this country,
from a party standpoint, when con-
vention of delegates from the Sixth
congressional district of Minnesota,
calling themselves Democrats, selected
as their unanimous choice for repre-
sentative in congress Mr.. Charles A.
Towne.
Mr. Towne has always been a
day. He does not claim to be any,
thing else He is a sitting member
for that district, elected by it's Re-
publican voters. He has assailed De-
vigorous as any man that we know
has used Yet he is today the reg
ular" Democratic candidate for the
Sixth district Of Minnesota, while Mr..
D. W. LAWYER, and men who believe
as he does, are refused the right even
to sit in Democratic convention; and
while men who will cast their votes
for Secretary Carlisle or Senator
Palmer, or Henry Watterson, or Gen.
Bragg, or whoever may be chosen at
Indianapolis next week, lifelong Dem
ocrat though he may be, will be pro-
nounced by these same men beyond
the pale of party liberation.
Among the strange somersaults of
this strange year of political revolu-
tons, this is the strangest of all. We
do not wonder that the silver question
should mark out new lines of cleavage
for itself and overturn close political
affiliations, but we do wonder when
we see organizations of men claim
exclusive right to a certain party des-
ignation and then bestow it upon those
who never had, and have not today
the slightest title to wear it, while
others, who have not deviated by a
hairs breadth from their ancient faith
and practice, are mathematical and
accommodated with bell, book and
candle
Be it borne in mind that this
is not necessary to the enunciation of
individual views or even to following
out the doctrines laid down in the
Chicago platform. There are, we doubt
not, men in the Sixth district who
have been prominent Democrats in
the past, who follow Mr.. Bryan and
believe in free coinage Of silver and
who would have accepted a nomina-
ton for congress. What is the
matter with them? Why should
delegates who call themselves
Democrats and deny the title to others
pass over those of their own way of
thinking even, in order to place
the honors Of the party upon the
brow of one Of the most intolerant
Republicans of the state? The
prominence Of the silver issue offers no
excuse or explanation of this. If there
are no free silver Democrats in the
Sixth district, then the party should
abandon that plank of the platform.
II there are, then one of them should
have been named for congress. The
selection of Mr.. Towne as it's candi-
date by a so-called Democratic con-
vention is the most grotesque per-
formance that has been witnessed in
this country since 1872.