Middletown transcript., 1896-10-10
Massey ON etlvsA

yer coinage people will do well to heed
/ CONFEDERATE K ROADS
(Which is in the state Of Kentucky
Jan. 20, 1878.
/ ain't 80 certin that want the sil.
yer bill to pass ez wuz. The fact is,
the thing don't work ez I sposed II
wood, and I amt clear on to it. There
is suttle principles in these finanshel
questions witch requires good deel nv
thought, and there is underlyin prin-
ciples witch man hez got to understand
afore he is competent to set hisself up
ez authority.
One thing I am certin Nv. Bascom
amt no finanseer, nor never will be,
and told him so.
swat is a finanseer?" asked he.
| "a finanseer, sed /, assoomin the
look of Dan'l Webster, sis a man witch
kin pay his debts with nothin, man
wich kin git suthin with nothin.'
1.-THE Corners, then, is full of fnan-
seers,'' he remarkt bitterly, castin a
casual glance at the slate wich was jist
full enuff to turn over and begin ON the
t'other side.
But he hezn't any nv the science nv
1t. / wuz argooin with him the t'other
day in favor NV my noshun Nv leather
currency, though I told him silver wuz
much the same thing, and, for example,
wood assoom that silver wuz to be the
currency NV the fucher.
'Now, don't 700 see, Bascom, that ef
he'd twict as much money Good drink
twict as much whisky and pay fur itP''
"Hew much Is twict nuthin?" was
the unfeelin anser nv the tyrant who
holds the destinies nv the Corners in
his hands. "That's wat your capitle's
bin ever since knowd yoo'
"Parson," sed be, 81 don't see wat
earthly diff renee it's goin to make
wether silver is currency or anything
else. How are yoo a-goin to git silver
eff it is made legal tenderP Eff silver
wuz ez bricks, wat hev 700 got to git
any nv 1t with?"
"Troo, G. w." wuz my answer,
shut can't 700 see that to hev silver
wood relieve the dettor class? Even
now, afore 1t is legal tender, it's only
wuth 90 cents on the dollar, and, when
the country is flooded with it, 1t will
60 still lower. Then we, or rather sich
nv us ez hev property to raise money on,
kin pay off,
"Eggsackly SO, !" retorts Bascom, "yoo
kin pay me for tile good honist likker
nv mine wich 700 hev consoomed in
coin wich is less than the dollar yoo
promised. All rite. But look here
come in here all nv yoo. Iwant 700 sill
yer men to know eggsackly wat yoo are
rushin into"
And this feend led us into the back
room-that back room wich oontanes
the subsistence Nv the Corners There,
in long rows, wuz Basoom's stock.
There, In barrels, piled one on top Nv
another, wuz the delishus whisky Nv
Louisville, NV different ages, rangin
from that NV two weeks old to that
witch had jist left the still and wu2
scarcely cold yit. There 1t lay, and ez
my eyes ranged affeckshunately over 1t
I felt ef Good hev the drinkin NV all
that likker i wood be content to lay
down and die when the last drop wuz
gone.
Basoom pinted to an immense tank
witch he had erected within few
days, with pipe runnin in from the
roof. .u.
''I shan't raise the price nv ikker in
conscience NV bein paid for it In a de-
preshiated currencyi'' sed he.
I fell ON Bascom's neck in an extacy
nv delite, while the others shoutid,
"Rah for Bascoml'
''G. w." remarkt, while teers suf-
foosed my eyes, II never placed yoo
much below the angels, but this gener-
ous act hez histed 700 100 per cent in
my estimashun. Bless 700, g. W., bless
yoor'
''But I'll tell 700 what I shall do.
Do 700 see that tank?" sed he.
"May ask wat that is for?' sed.
"That tank will fill with rane wa
ter" sed he. ''The moment yoo git to
payin me in silver I shel take out ov
eech ov them barrils iist eggsaokly 1-5
gallons Nv Akker and fill it with wa
ter"
'Merciful hevingsl" we all exclaim-
ed, land yoor likker so weak nowP'
''And when silver gets down to 75
cents on the dollar shell take out % |
per cent nv whisky and ill her up
with 25 per cent NV water. And so on
down. Ef silver goes up. I shel add
whisky eggsackly in proporshun. In
short, my whisky is jist a-goin to foller |
currency, and nothin shorter. Yoo fell |
lers wich work for wagis may SWEET, but |
won't"
"But yoo'l increase the size Of yoor
glasses?" said L
'sNot any. But 700 may drink twice
ez many times to git the same amount
nv drunk ez before, by paying for eech
drink"
And Bascom stalked hawtily back
and took his posishen behind his bar.
There wuz consternashun in the Cor |
ners sich ez I hev never seen. There |
wuz hurried consultashun at the dee
kin's house, and sejested that we
emancipate ourselves from the domin-
yum Nv this tyrant by startin grosery |
NV our own, on the joint stock princi-
pie, witch wuz agreed to, eech man
agreein to contribbet $40 to the capitle
stock, wich would be enuff to buy
barrl ur too fur q beginnin.
We wuz enthoosiastic till we cum to
ballotin fur the man TO keep the place,
wen it wuz found, instead Nv my bein
chosen yoonanimously, ez l eggspected
to be, that evry man he'd voted fur his
self. Ez not sole nv them wood re-
ceed, the skeem wuz blocked rite there
and finelly he'd to be abandoned, and we
went back to Bascom's and submitted
That tyrant hez uA
PETROLEUM V. Massey,
Fiuapsapr
GlIraS |,