The herald., 1896-06-23
THE HOME OF THE
SUICIDES SOUL
BY ALICE ROLLINS CRANE

bedside except for the most brief inter-
yals. The continued strain on my mind
together with the attendant physical
exhaustion which accompanied it, had
brought me into state of such high
nervous tention that on the afternoon or
his death I relapsed into semi-con-
sclous stae, during which the following
remarkable dream came to me: was
thoroughly disheartened, because my
dear ones were now all gone, and was
alone in the world. So great was the
longing to be with them that thoughts
of self-destruction came to me and In
the dream seemed to have committed
the rash act, then penetrated the We'll
which hides the unknown beyond.
l imagined l was sitting by the bed
side Of my boy, on that last sunny after
noon, and all was still save his heavy
breathing. Suddenly the Goddess of
Death, crowned with stars and clad in
soft, sombre, cinging robes, came gently
into the room, and placing her cold hand
upon his fluttering heart, released him
from the evils of this life. l cried out
to her in my heart, "Oh, come and take
me as soon as God will let you" Death
looked at me, her large dark eyes full
of pity, bu never spoke, and when saw
her take my child in her arms, as tender
ly as a mother. l forgot to weep and soft
~ cried, THANK God, my boy is safe"
Since that ime my constant wish and
prayer was for her return, and / grew
nervous and distracted, while life ap-
peared dark on every side. God only
knew the sorrow of my heart. Once
looked upon Time as a friend, but now
he had played me false, 1 felt / must
die, and would cry, Come for me, beau
tiful death, come! If you refuse to hark-
en- longer to my call, 1 must come to
thee; God forgive me, l must come to
thee!" l threw myself full length on the
sofa in my room, as shadows of evening
were falling, and as buried my face in
the pillow, cried in stihed means, Il
will come, I will come this very night"
Then l felt under the pillow for my
loaded revolver 1t was soon in my
grasp, and grew calm and collected
Not fearing death, but longing for her,
/ caressed the weapon which was so
soon to give me freedom l shall never
forget the strange dogged courage which
sustained me. When placed the muz-
Zle against my throbbing temple, l did
not hear the report nor did feel pain,
only my soul broke loose from it's body.
For a moment, while hovered over that
mortal shell. feeling of pity passed
over me; gaZed at the pallid corpse and
raw a ragged hole in the temple from
which oozed a crimson stream, saturat-
ing the pillow. trinkling slowly down to
the floor.
Then heard steps approaching the
door, and feeling like a criminal, rushed
out of the open window. Then seemed
lost in ETHEREAL space and foated on and
without purpose. My surroundings
L
cnveloped in thick fog, not damp but
dry and suffocating. I grew tired after
perhaps days of travel, and at last
felt myself gradually sinking down,
slowly but surely, with no kind hand to
save me, and no gentle voice to comfort
me. "Oh, my God" cried, help me,
save me before l perish!"
Still no sound broke the silence. not
even star shone on my lonely path Il
am lost! Oh, my babes. am lost! Oh
mi n va nit n r1,f,
were so kind to my children. What have
done to receive no guidance? Then all
consciousness left me, and when it
again returned. l found myself in
strange place; l was surrounded by
strange mad ghastly figures. some old.
some young, some middle-aged, of all
nationalities, shapes and colorS. They
all looked at me with dreamy. sorrowful
eyes; there was no smile of welcome on
their faces. which expressed silent in
difference to my happiness, and the SOL
emn crowd around me was appalling I
found myself stretched on peculiarly
constructed couch. rs this to be the
end!' l cried out in my soul and began
to throw my arms wildly in the air and
moan and cry piteously, Il am lost! Oh,
my children! Oh my darling babes. God
has condemned me; death has deserted
me; how cruelty I have been treated"
MY heart was always full of honest
purpose, but because I could not endure
physical bondage and longed for a spir-
itual life, 1 am cast into perdition
among these lost souls! They are lost
souls like myself. / cried aloud, raving
and tearing my hair.
Suddenly 1 felt shadow gradually
steal over me, coming like cloud on
balmy day, and as it drew near be-
came calm
My name I heard presently spoken
in constrained fearful voice at my
side, and turning my eyes in the direc-
ton from whence the sound came, saw
Death! My beautiful Death, the sweet
friend who had been so kind to my dear
ones. She looked more sad than ever
] tried to raise myself from the couch
throw myself at her feet and clasp the
long white hand, which looked so sof.
and beautiful, and cover it with burning
kisses of gratitude. oh, what depths of
mournful misery lay in those dark, soft
eyes, but she raised her hand and mo-
toned me to stand Off while her pale
face grew still paler as she turned her
mead aside so that l might not see the
pity depicted upon it.
Folding her hands on her breast she
looked at me earnestly for several sec
onds while lay as one dumb. Then she
spoke in solemn tone:
Il find 1t my imperative duty to come
10 your presence at last, but have only
come to tell you of the dreadful mistake
you have made Like thousands of
other poor mistaken souls you did nor
wait Tor me to bring you Gods invita-
tion to come to Him and live in His beau
tiful eternal home, with those whom YOU
love- but like an uninvited guest at a
kings palace you tried to force your
presence there. When you arrived YOU
FOUND the doors closed, and here I find
you, most unhappy of mortals, compeIl-
ed to remain in the Home of Mistaken
Souls for the term of ten years, which
was the time allotted you on earth.
You cannot be taken by me to meet
your dear ones until these years have
been completed. Your name is on the
list of Gods invitations to be delivered
day. oiii ILLS
How dark and bright her eyes looked
as they burned these words of kind re-
Duke into my wretched soul. A faint
Ieeilng came over me, my limbs grew
numb and when I now realized NV
WTetched situation. God help me" was
Sii could say. There is no hope. no
hoPe! L moaned, looking appealinglv
friend. ' nv" siieht
Sister. there is hope; there was hone
on earth, but you closed your eyes and
ears TO II. Do not think because AL
nnlsnty GOD does not come at your com
mano ma, tnat He has forgotten or neglects
you. All human beings who live to ma.
Lurity are blinded by their own selfish
ness, and think only of their wants 90