davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
CURRENT HUMOR.

Scotch boy had delivered message to
lady. but did not seem in hurry to go. Being
asked if there was anything else that his
mother bid him say, Jock whimpered out:
"She said wasna to seek onything for CON-
in: but if you gied met was to take it."
We need hardly add that the hint was taken,
and Jocks services were amply rewarded
Spare Moments.
Doctor" said the young husband, ~ have
called to ask your advice about my wife. She
has insomnia and all the day she goes wander
ing about the house and moving the furniture
back and forth"
"She'll be all right the first warm day." said
the old physician. at is only spring house
cleaning that is working on her. r."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Nieee-Auntie, dear, Mr.. Mailer, the artist,
has asked me for my photo. He wants to make
use of it for his last picture. Ought I to send
it to him?
Yes; you can do so, but be sure to inclose
with it photo of your mother or some elderly
lady. 1t would be highly improper to send
your photo by itself lf"-London It'll
"Ah, yes," she blithely answered, while
sweet smile illumined her strong, INTELLIGENT
face, az do my own cooking. 1 believe you
can best reach q mans heart by way of his
stomach"
In the meanwhile her husband struggled
with the awful doubt that she might better
take breadknife and go after his heart di-
rectly.-Detroit Tribune.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
PARAGRAPHS ABOUT PEOPLE.

Emperor William OF Germany takes great in
terest in his kitchen, Recently he accompanied
his court marshal through "the lower regions"
OF his palace, and complimented his chef OF
chefs on the good order that pertained to
department that is always overworked.
Archduchess Maria Annunciata, niece of the
emperor OF Austria is said TO be the only royal
abbess in Europe. By virtue of her Office she
has the peculiar right of crowning the Queen
OF Bohemia-the only instance wherein that
august function is performed by woman.
Henry Willard, who in his younger days was
a Journalist and man of letters, winning in
the civil war a high reputation as corre-
spondent in the field, is writing an autobio-
graphy for his children exclusively. 1t will be
privately printed, it is thought. next year.
Even the great Schopenhauer was not hero
to the people of his household. In book just
printed at Leipsic the author quotes Schopen-
hauer's housekeeper as saying to him in the
course of dispute, "For my part, Herr
Doktor, don't see what the people can find in
you; have enough of you.''
The kind of fighters the Abyssinians are is
shown by the pleading of Queen Talon, the
Light OF Ethiopia, to King Menelek to be per-
mitted to lead her bodyguard in person against
the invading Italians. Menelek complimented
her On her bravery, but he finally decided that
she was too beautiful to be shot at.
The Marquis de Mores, renowned for his good
looks, who killed man in a duel, kept q ranch
in the United States, ran railway in Tonking,
led the Socialists in Paris, and was deprived OF
the control of his fortune by the French courts,
is now at work trying to prove that British gold
is stirring up the Soudan against France
Daniel U. French has given to the Exeter
IN. H. Library bust of Ralph Waldo Emer-
son In plaster, and copy OF the original exc
cuted by Mr.. French at Concord in 1879, when
Emerson gave him at least twenty sittings.
Last October the sculptor and his brother and
sister gave to the library the bronze bust of
their father, Judge Henry f. French, to W hom
the library virtually owes its existence.
Some time ago at dinner in London num-
Der of well-known social epicures were extol.
ling the many gifts of the late Lord Leighton
his after-dinner oratory, his knowledge of lam
guage and his sculpture. Whistler listened for
some time, but concluding that things were
going too Leighton-ways at length calculated,
paints, too, believe
The Prince of Monaco has Just completed
wonderful fishing machine of his own devils
ing. 1t is constructed of wire netting and
enter the machine it is next to impossible for
them to leave it. In fact, they have no wish
to leave their trap, skillful arrangement OF
electric light completely dazzling tn EN- till
they are drawn up from the nets.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
PERSON AL.

G. D. Plato, a merchant of Modesto, is in
town.
John A. Barker of Merced is at the Cosmo.
politan.
c. T. singletary banker OF San Jose, is at
the Lick.
A. w. Morrison ana wife OF Sacramento are
in the City.
F. C. Ross, a contractor, is stopping at the
Cosmopolitan.
H. ]. McGrath of the United States army, is
at the Occidental
]. B. Hoosan, a merchant OF Haywards. is at
the Cosmopolitan.
Professor A. Macintosh of Stanford Univer-
sity is at the Lick.
p. B. Barker OF England, who is making tour
OF the world, is at the Baldwin.
G. F. Downs, the mine owner OF Sutter Creek,
has arrived here on short visit.
Robert Vogel. a brewer of Lima, Ohio, and
wife are guests at the Cosmopolitan.
]. F. Hunton of the Barr Vermont marble
and stone works is stopping at the Cosmo-
politan.
S. I. Black OF Sacramento, State Superintend-
ent of Public Instruction, arrived here yester-
day and is at the Lick.
g. de La Bouglise of Paris who is interested
in several mining enterprises in Northern Cali
fornia, is at the Palace
o. A. Krauss of Paris, the general agent for
g. H. Mumm in the United States has arrived
here on tour OF the different agencies. He is
at the Baldwin,
Colonel Caleb Dorsey of Oakdale is at the
Occidental. He is noted as a raiser OF fine
stock. Moreover. he was once Union prisoner
ana now carries peculiar cane carved by him
while in captivity
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
THE IMPROVED NAVY.

The marine engineers of San Francisco
and elsewhere are properly urging the
passage of the Wilson bill to reorganize
and increase the efficiency of the navy.
This country has been very slow to ap-
preciate the revolutionary effect produced
by the modern high development of
marine steam machinery. 1t is now more
than mere matter of driving vessels by
steam instead Of sails, for both high speed
and the employment of steam for working
the heavy armaments of warships have
introduced complications imposing the
severest exactions on engineering skill
While this standard of duties has been
raised enormously there has been nothing
like corresponding increase in the num-
Der of engineers and their official grade in
the service. The Wilson bill is intended to
cure these shortcomings along with others.
England shows better understanding
of the matter. Her men-of-war carry a
larger number of engineers than ours.
Compare, for instance, the American
Cincinnati of 10000 horsepower and the
British Sybille of 5000 horsepower. The
Cincinnati carries eight line officers and
the SybiIle six. But when it comes to en-
gineers we find the Cincinnati with three
and the smaller English vessel with four.
The same disproportion exists in the case of
the American Bennington when ompared
with the English Brisk. On the other
hand, we find that some of the American
ships have twice as many line officers as
the same class of ships in the English
navy, while the English ships almost in
variably have more engineers tlan ours.
The Wilson bill, besides increasing the
number of engineers, raises their rank and
thus justly recognizes their skill and re-
sponsibility. The present attitude of the
line officers toward the engineers is a REM
nant OF the time when steam was in its
infancy as factor in determining the eff
ficiency of fighting ship. The bill by
raising the dignity and rank of the engi.
neering corps removes the unwillingness
of young men to enter the naval academy
for the purpose of learning the engineers
art and thus reduces the pressure for posi-
tions as line officers. In these days of
very high attainments necessary to handle
the machinery OF modern warship it is
time that the efficiency of the navy should
be increased by investing the engineer
corps with the dignity and prestige it so
eminently deserves.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
FIGHTING THE CANAL.

It NAV be much easier for the people OF
the Pacific Coast than for those OF the
Eastern States to understand why the
Southern Pacific Company is using Its IN
fluence against the proposed measures for
governmental aid in construction and con-
troll OF the Nicaragua canal, but to the
Western mind the ground for the opposi-
ton is clear enough. 1t is now said that
the friends of the canal proposition are
determined to block the funding bill until
the Nicaragua question has been decided.
If the present indications of Mr.. Hunting
tons strength in Washington are not mis-
leading this contest may result in COM
piete victory for the Southern Pacific, both
with regard to its funding bill and the
suppression of competition by way of the
Nicaragua canal.
In an able discussion Of the report made
by the Government engineers sent to in
spect the canal, Captain w. l.. Merry has
presented to the readers of THE CALL some
facts that deserve the attention of Con-
gress. 1t will be remem bered that the cost
of construction, as computed by the en-
gineers, was $133, Az, 1913, while that OF the
company's engineers was 500, 1893, ,6G0, or
about half. While the larger estimate in
cludes expenditures for double-track con-
struction railways, an increased number
Of locks, larger dimensions OF canal sec
tions, $4, 600 600 for management, $5OO,OO0
for lights and buoys, and S1,O00,O0O for
sanitariums, the greatest difference is pro-
duced by the high units of cost adopted by
the Government engineers. These are from
80 to 40 per cent higher than are being paid
at the Chicago Drainage and Ship Canal /;
whereas labor is much cheaper in Nicaragua
than at Chicago and work can be prosecuted
more rapidly by reason of the absence
of ice. Captain Merry, while showing that
the units of cost adopted by the Govern
ment engineers are manifestly TOO high,
points out curious Inconsistency between
that feature of the report and the one as
serting that from Il, 200 to 10000 Jamaica
negroes, excellent laborers, are available
at fair wages. 1t seems impossible to re-
concile these two antagonistic features OF
the report.
The very short time taken by the Gov
ernment engineers for studying the situa-
ton, and their evident desire to be more
safe with their estimates, may be taken TO
eXpIaln the nlSn ngures WHICH tney pIo-
muigated. Unfortunately, however, this
is an official report, and Mr.. Huntington
hardly requires the services OF Mr.. Nimmo
in urging reasons against proposition
which would break his monopoly of trans
portation between the Pacific and the
Atlantic, and, like the reduction of railroad
fares proposed by the California Railroad
Commission. "impair the earning capacity
OF the aided roads,
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

the natural charms of the State give life.
The tiller OF the tree and vine, even he
who grinds out mere livelihood or a
competency from the commonplaces OF
trade or profession IN close neighborhood
with orchards and vineyards, takes on the
gentler temper that comes from the asso-
citation. The cities and towns environed
with these peaceful scenes contain popu-
lation in harmony with them, and so
queens of festivals and Maydays represent
what is best and most wholesome in Cali
fornia.
Sunshine so constant and genial flowers
SO gorgeous and abundant, and fruits so
rich in substance, fragrance and color
need queen to stand forth as the cham
pion and exponent of their worth. to ex-
press their grace and beauty and give evi-
dence OF their value. And we shall have
May queens and queens of festivals so long
as California retains it's charms and men
and women accept their benefits.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
A MANNHEIM OF PRAISE.
Fresno Republican.

FRESNO fepuDlCau.
"You noticed, didn't you," said the man who
dropped in, "that Rev. DR.. Talmage says
Cleveland has been converted and is travelling
in the heavenly way?'
eyes, noticed it,
"Well, thought there ought to be nanthem
of praise offered up on such an OCCASION; SO
Pve writ it,
"Yes?"
eyes, and here it is. You can publish it ii
you want to, or you can reject it into the
waste basket. Don't make no difference to
me-"
The nanthem of praise has been permitted
to follow:
One time preacher said to Grover:
"Oh, cast salvatons mantle over
Your cowerin' form and enter in
Where there's redemption from your sin.~
"My sin" said Grover with a smile:
"If I'm a sinner. what's Carisle?"
The preacher talked of endless woe,
But, all the same, it didn't go.
1t didn't go! 1t didn't go!
Still Grover held to sin and woe,
And often muttered with a smile,
"lf I'm sinner, what's Carlisle?"
And then that preacher said, says he:
s'Oh turn, poor mortal, and be free:
While yet the lamp holds out to burn
The vllest sinner may return
Their pearly harps the ransomed hold,
And all the streets are paved with goldn
"With goidi" said Grover with grin,
elf that's salvation. count me in p
He's counted in! He's counted in!
The streets of gold he's bound to win,
But still he queries with smile
"lf Pm Christian, what's Carlisle?"
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
stance where slavonians were mixed up with

stance where Slavonians were mixed up with
any rioting.
Most of the Slavonians come to this country
with small capitals, buy land and cultivate it;
raise cattle and are good and experienced
ranchers. They become citizens of the United
States and are happy to enjoy the freedom
which is denied them in their fatherland.
They never land as paupers and very few OF
them take the hard-earned money back to
Europe. They settle to stay and soon assim1-
late with Americans
Speaking OF the colOnizers of MendocIn0
County especially, let US explain to Ryan that
the stats tics show that there are only " per
cent of illiterate people in a. population OF
100, ,OOO-i. e., the provinces of Carniolia and
Styrla-where the colOnizers come from. And
mind you that the statistics were cOmpilated
under supervision of the Austrian Government,
which is all but just to Slavonions. Ryan
knows absolutely nothing of the Slavonions..
We can find only one reason why the would
be reformer detests Slavonians-it is that they
prefer hard work to bumming from town TO
town and fndulging in malicious insinuatlons
and attacks on foreigners.
We admire the zeal of Ryan, but still more
do we admire the simplicity of the A. P. AS
who allow such an ignoramus to deliver ad-
dresses under their auspices.
II Americanism is threatened by a handful OF
honest Slavonians, surely poorer defender
than Ryan could not have been found. Re-
spectfully yours, MATo ZvANUr
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

leaving the fur intact. Persian lamb, with
green velvet or brown cloth, is rich and hand
OF velvet or cloth, edged with band OF fur to
match the yoke. Such cape of bluet cloth,
with beaver trimming, made to match cos
tune of the same, makes handsome calling
gown for young lady. Brown cloth, with
skirt to match, trimmed with mink as shown
in our illustration, makes very swell COS
tune, with waist or Louis XIV coat of figured
light but subdued green silk. Tails of mink
ornament the front OF the cape.
A cape of green velvet with sable trimmings
may be made even more dressy by the addi-
ton of lace arranged at the throat in jabot
effect on both sides, with two crushed roses as
finish.
Theater and opera capes of light velvet are
charming of crushed rose velvet with sable
and lace trimmings.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
THE ONE DESIRE.

OF all the threads of rhyme which have spun,
l shall be glad If Time saves only one.
And would have each word to 10y belong
lyric like bird whose soul is song.
There is enough Of grief to mar the years;
Be mine sunny leaf, untouched by tears,
To bring unto the heart delight, and make
All sorrows 10 depart, and Joy TO wake.
No sermon mine to preach save happiness;
No lesson mine TO teach, save joy to bless
Joy, tits the one best thing below. above
The Lutte diVinest string, whose note Is love.
FRANK DEMPSTER SHERMAN in the April Century
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
LETTERS FROM THE PEOPLE.
sLAvoNIANs IN AMERICA.
SAN FRANc1sco. March o7 "a

BAN FRANCISCO, March 27, 1886.
To the Editor Of the CdL--DEAR SIR: AS pub
lished in your valuable paper of March "a
certain Major Ryan addressed on the previous
evening large audience in the Metropolitan
Temple. Among other things this stevedore-
to use his own words-said that "the Slavo-
mans are the most ignorant race OF people in
the world-people who come to this country
with torch In one hand and stick CT dyna-
mite in the other"
only of q background. The Slavonians are
law-apidlng and peaceloving people and dyna-
mite they abhor just as much as Ryan detests
the truth. RYAN cannot name q single in
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

invasion of the tablelands of Abyssinia, and
April Is, 1868, it came within sight of Mag.
dala. April 10, near. .Magdala, Theodore gave
battle to the British forces and was defeated.
and retired into Magdala. The place was
carried by storm on the 18th with little diff
Guilty. There was no less OF life on the British
side and only a few men were wounded. The
Ahvssinians lost 500 killed and 1900 wounded; !;
the King himself was found among the dead,
he having committed suicide"
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

The deficit in the revenues fur March
shows that once more Carlisle's sanguine
hopes were unfounded and that business
has not revived as much as the administra-
ton hoped for. 1t certainly should now
be clear, even to the free traders them
selves, that the low tariff is failure. and
there will be no com mplete prosperity until
we return to protection.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
A HANDSOME CAPE.

So long as sleeves.do not decrease in dimen-
sions capes will lose none Of their deserved
popularity. Jaunty garments reaching only 10
the waist are worn, even on the coolest days,
a chamois jacket worn under the waist making
this possible. The richest materials are en-
ployed in fashioning these garments. Fur
overlaid with a very open design in cloth or
velvet, which is edged all over with beads, is
one of the newest fancies The cloth or velvet
is only lightly tackled on and is easily removed,
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
CALIFORNIANS IN NEW YORK.

NEW YORK, N. Y, March 3O.-A. II. Martin
arrived on the Aller from Bremen. Anton
Scherman OF San Jaeinto arrived on the
Havel. At the Hoffman, ]. L. Haas; Sturtevant,
). NJ. Mcdonald Jr.; Holland. Miss K. Morgan,
Z. +. Murphy, !. R. Hall; Normandie, L. C.
Strauss and wife; Imperial ]. Madison.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
should Be Church-Marshaled.

Rev. Dr.. Mackenzie OF San Francisco is re-
ported to have said regarding the Brown trial:
1Dr Brown has endured such physical
strain as no other man OF this generation has
ever endured, and he fought the battle for
every minister of the Gospel" The strain" IS
nrobably correct but we think that DR.. Mac.
kenzie ought to be church-marshaled himself
for inferentially making so sweeping charge
against all his brother ministers OF the
Gospel We do not believe that all ministers
are that kind of men.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
Model Jury System.
Merced Sun.

Some things are done better even in Mexico
than in this country. For instance, the courts
there have simple but ingenious plan for
facilitating verdicts in jury trials. Two super
numerary jurors are drawn to sit near the jury
box and listen to the evidence and arguments.
If any OF the regular jury falls i'll or is other
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

The reported alliance of Republicans
and Populists in the Southern States NAV
be fairly good politics under the excen-
tional conditions that prevail tnere.s but in
the Nation at large this is going to be a
year OF straight politics, and to the people
all illogical combinations will seem
crooked.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

The resolutions adopted by Democratic
convention in Missouri on Saturday con-
graduating Cleveland on his ability as
duck shooter and expressing regret that
he had not devoted more time to killing
teal and less in issuing bonds have lust
enough of jest and earnest in them to he
fully representative of the American
humor of the day.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
May Not Be Able to Dictate.
San Bernardino sun.

Just before his last duck-hunting expedition
President Cleveland took occasion to deliver
himself on the question Of his successor through
the columns OF Chicago paper. 1t was to the
effect that he would rather the Democratic
party lost on gold platform than won on a
silver platform. This is not news to the read
ing public, but it is just possible that President
Cleveland may not be able to dictate the issues
that shah divide the parties in the coming
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

King Menelek claims to be lineal de-
scendant OF King Solomon and the Queen
OF Sheba, and, under the circumstances,
the claim goes, but if he had not proven
himself srch good fighter everybody
would have called him liar.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
San Francisco's Expositions.
San Diego Sun.

San Francisco is to hold its twenty-ninth in.
dustrial exposition next September, and is al
ready planning extensively for an important
affair. San Francisco has shown by the Mid
winter Fair that it can do quite turn at expo
sitions, and it is also to be argued from San
Francisco's success that eXpositions are good
things to have
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

wise disqualified from going on. one of the
"supes' takes his place. In this way they
long trial rendered useless when it is nearly
finished by the sudden illness or death OF one
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

The Kaiser's visit to Italy may have been
intended for recreation, but it shows Up
like hippodrome.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

We shall have the deficit as long as we
have Democracy. The two are twins.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
The Democratic Coyote.

The wall of the festive coyote is heard nightly
hear the sheep camps. This fellow is quite
politician in his way and only little in ad.
vance of some others of the day. He would
like to have mutton on the free list as well as
wool.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
VIEWS OF WESTERN EDITORS.
Has a Monopoly

Has Monopoly.
Livermore Echo.
In the growing of olives California has the
monopoly of the United States.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
SPANS FerociOus Students,

Why doesn't Spain send her students 10 fight
the Cubans? 1t would be more sensible than
allowing them to head window breaking street
mobs at home.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
Slandering the West.

San Bernardino Times-Index
1t is to be hoped that the next President of
the United States whoever he may be- Will DOS
sess enough personal knowledge of the country
to speak intelligently of all sections of it.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS

ZACH MoNTGoMERY-W. S. P, Auburn, Cal
Zach Montgomery is at present living in San
Diego. A letter addressed to him there will
reach him
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31
The Beauty Of Harmony.
Livermore Herald.

Livermore is making her present progress by
virtue OF the harmony and cooperation of her
citizens. That is a fact that we cannot too
clearly realize. Harmony and co-operationS
the all-pull-together spirits the secret of
it all.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

VERBENA S, Mount Bullion, Mariposa
County. Cal. In cultivation the verbena in
cludes all cOlors except yellow and pure blue.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

To impart strength, purify the blood and to give
a feeling of health and vigor throughout the sys-
tem there is nothing equal to Hoods Sarsaparilla.
Take only Hoods this spring.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

If the Eureka trade is worth lighting for
in rate war, it is worth working for on
business principles.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

SPECIAL informa lion daily to manufaoturs,s T..
business houses and public men by the Prasi
Clipping Bureau (Allen's), $40 Montgomery. :.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-31

Rainey and Buckley have left town, but
not politics. Each has his faction in his
grin