davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
SHE DID 1T.
What He Was Sent For, Though mol
What He Expected.

What He Was Sent For, Though Not
What He Expected.
He was young and enthusiastic, and
he loved her to distraction.
IF l could but serve YOU" he said
to the object of his alteration, Il wouM
indeed be the happiest of mortals. Com
mand me-"
And the damsel blushed and said
she would.
"Stay here moment and I will givd
you a note to take to friend. You
will bring back a package" and she
smiled, oh! so sweetly, as she glided
from the room.
She returned in few moments and
handed him the precious message.
Away he flew. Distance was no OBJ
ject to him. He reached his destination.
The letter was opened and returned
with the remark that the package he
was to fetch was at another remote
part of the town.
He flew there, only to be referred to
the sergeant of police, at the nearest
station. The sergeant read the mes
sage and directed him to another
official, who in his turn sent the young
man four miles out Of the city. But the
elusive package was not to be found.
One sent him to Brooklyn, another
to- Jersey City, until at length, weary,
fcotsore and unable to go further, he
sank upon a doorstep and tearing open
the missive read these words:
Send the fool further"
The dawn Of April 2 was breaking
New York Journal.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

by huge box on top of which was
board sign, which read as follows:
LOOK OUT FOR THE BEAR.
OF course Mr.. Oatcake could not re-
sist the temptation Of taking sQuint
at bruin, SO he ambled up to the box
rather nervously and peeped through
the bars that had been nailed
across the top to keep Mr.. Bear
safe. Finding that the box was
entirely empty Mr.. Oatcake be-
gan to scratch his head. How had the
bear got out? Then someone yelled
April fool. Mr.. Oatcake allowed that it
was good one.
Later In the day Mr.. Oatcake took in
the dime museum. He interviewed the
fat girl, talked populism with the
bearded lady, visited the chamber of
horrors. and had enjoyed himself gen.
orally when he saw the following sign:
SEE THE GREAT
RED BAT.
Draw Back the Curtain.
He drew back the curtain. Then he
saw big red brick and turned double
somersault in his haste to get away.
He hadn't counted on being April
fooled twice in one day.
After leaving the museum Mr.. Oat-
cake thought he would take drink or
two, and at once proceeded to con-
venient liquor dispensary. "Tll take a
beer" he said, putting a nickel on the
bar; "been April-fooled twice and have
concluded to drown my feelings" He
was just the individual that the bar
tender with the decoy beer glass was
, looking for. 1t was produced in short
/ order, and Mr.. Oatcake showed himself
| to be rather an adept at the art of blow
ing off the foam. Then he expanded his
| capacious nav, preparatory to taking a
gulp. But it wouldn't gulp worth cent
1t was only an artifcially colored glass
with real foam. Farmer Oatcake con-
J cluded that he had better hitch up and
start home. Nearing railway grade
crossing within the city limits he saw
man frantically waving red flag
and telling him to stop.
mo yer don't, yer gol darned flannel,
mouthed son-of-a-gun; I've been fooled
three times already" and he piled the
whip with effect. In another instan,
Mr.. Oatcake and his outfit were taking
| q ride on the cowcatcher of the engine
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

Willie was not playing in front Of
the house as usual. The father missed
the usual kiss and Hello, papa! In,
glad you've come"
He assembled the steps. He saw
white Grape on the door bell. He reeled
and gasped for breath, and saw nothing
but mist Then recovering himself, he
opened the door, and with moist eyes
entered the house.
What was it he saw? Was 1t Willie?
Yes, it was his little son who merrily
shouted:
April Fool, papa; April Fool" And
papa didn't do thing to Willie.-S. Il.
Egor in New York World.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
A Good Thing.

And with the assistance of the trav
cling public the Chicago, Milwaukee,
& St Paul railway propose to push
it along"
The night service of this popular
line, leaving Twenty-second and Grand
avenue passenger station at 7:i5 p. M
gives the public something they have
sought for long time.
St. Paul and Minneapolis are now
reached with through car service BY
this line. Ottumwa, Cedar Rapids,
Chicago and the East have one more
outlet now, via the Chicago, Milwau'
kee g. St. Paul railway.
City ticket Office, 600 Della ware street
GEORGE H. HEAFFORD,
Geu1 Pass. & Ticket Agent. Chicago.
J.H. Veitch, Gen'l Agent, Kansas City
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
Stomach

with severe pains across my shoulders,
and great distress. had violent nausea
which would leave me very weak and
faint, difficult to get my breath. These
spells came oftener and more severe.
did not receive any lasting benefit from
physicians, but found such happy effects
from trial OF Hoods Sarsaparilla, that I
took several bottles and mean to always
keep it in the house. am now able to
do all my own work, which for six years
1 have been unable to do. My husband
and son have also been greatly bene-
flied by Hoods Sarsaparilla for pains in
the back, and after the grip. gladly
recommend this grand blood medicine"
MRS. PETER BURBY, Leominster, Mass.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
Sour

Stomach, sometimes called waterbrash,
and burning pain, distress, nausea,
dyspepsia, are cured by Hoods Sarsa-
parilla. This it accomplishes because
with its wonderful power as blood
purifier, Hoods Sarsaparilla gently
tones and strengthens tile stomach and
digestive organs, invigorates the liver,
creates an appetite, gives refreshing
sleep, and raises the health tone. In
cases of dyspepsia and indigestion It
seems to have ga magic touch"
"For over IL years suffered from sour
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
He Ought to Know.

Gaswell-Has anybody interviewed
Speaker Reed on Makers optica, diff
fculty?
Dukane-Why should he be inter-
viewed?
Gaswell-He is an expert on that
subject. His favorite remark is, ''The
ayes have It," Pittsburg Chronicle.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
REPUBLICAN, NATIONAL CONVENTION
At st Louis. juno 10, 1896.

At st Louis. juno 10, 1896.
The Wabash road is the direct limo
to St. Louis via Kansas City and Is
noted for it's fast time and elegant
equipment. Through Sleepers, Free
Reclining Chair Cars and Buffet Par
lor Cars to st. Louis without change.
Before making arrangements for your
trip write to any representative of the
Wabash Railroad for maps, time tables
and Guide to st. Louis, or to
c. S. CRANE,
G. P. & T. A.,
st. Louis, Mo.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

81 suppose that it would take great
deal of observation and experience to
enable man to pick the fastest horse
entered for a race" she remarked.
Eyes," replied the man of mournful
experience; but that isn't what you are
trying to do. What you want is to pick
the horse that is going to win
Washington Star.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
Tried UpOn Him.

'Then you have new cook?'
chirped the caller. $50 glad for you
What does she excel in making?"
And the old man, who was in the
next room, ostensibly reading, but al
lowing nothing to get by, promptly
yelled:
"Mistakes!"
Which was really the best answer
that could have been made. Rocklant
(Me.) Tribune.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

Twitterly, to Snitterly, reading a
novel-And what becomes of the hero?
Snitterly-I don't know his final
fate, but on page POS it looks as if the
heroine had him freed.
Twitterly-Treed?
Snitter!y-Yes, the author states
that lat her glance he stood rooted to
the spot"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
OATCAKE'S APRIL 1.

/ ARMER Oatcake
had come to town
on a load of hay.
After exchanging
it for the market
price he proceeded
to see the Sights"
like farmers some
times will. He had
not proceeded far
before his atten-
4 Il
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
Tho Second Article.

1t was said that militia company
was organized just before the war at
Bungton, Ohio. 1t was called the
Bungtown Riflemen, and the bylaws
consisted of two sections, namely:
ARTICLE First-This company shall
be known as the Bungtown Rifles.
article Second = In case of war
this company shall be Immediately
disbanded." Louisville Post.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

He, doubtfully = There's little
freckle on your cheek, don't you know.
II have heard that freckles can be
removed by kissing.
She-Oh, that is fraud! Cousin
Tom aud l have been experimenting
on that for long time. Philadelphia
Inquirer
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
stlll at the Same BusIn ess.

First Railroad Mani see Jones, the
brakeman, has been promoted to bag
gagsmaster. ..,,
Second Railr Dad Man-No, he is still
q brakeman.
but l saw him in the bagge car at
work"
Eyes, so did I. He was braking the
baggage" Pittsburg Chronicle.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
Why the Gators We're Not There.

An American naval officer, wishing
to battle in Ceylon river, asked a ma
tive to show him a place where there
we're no alligators. The native took
him to pool close to the estuary. The
officer enjoyed his dip; while drying
himself he asked to his guide why there
were never any alligators in that pool.
Because, sah," the Cingalese replied,
"they plenty 'fraid Of shark"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

She. with cheek buried on his shout
ler-Don't move, Fred! This is SO
nice.
He-Then you do love me, darling?
She-Nonsense! 1t helps my tooth
ache. Life.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
His Last Resource.
Sitting Sammy-What fer?

Crawling Cristy L am going to
South America.
Sitting Sammy-What fer?
Crawling Christy - All the money
whut's been gathered this Lent fer de
poor is bein' sent down there to help
the inha bitants. Philadelphia North
American.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

A loan exhibition-The pawnbrokers
sign.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
You Don't Have to

XOu DOn'C HHV0 TO
Leave Kansas City for St Louis until
9:2O every night by the Wabash rail.
road, the short fast line.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

Nuremburg produces annually $50,
900 pencils.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

There is money to be made in Grip
pie Creek. When you go take the
s'Rock Island Route" To Colorado
Springs.
This is the only direct line-saves
several hours time to Cripple Creek
Send for full information.
JOHN SEBASTIAN,
General Passenger Agent, Chicago
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28
A had Color Scheme.

a Itau COiOr ochoho'
"Mrs. Dash hasn't particle OF
taste"
mo, indeed: the idea of inviting q
red-headed girl to her pink tea" Chi
cago Record.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

Going to Cripple Creek?
No; I've been there. Am going to get
q ticket back to Ohio over the Wabash.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

They have brand of whisky in San
Antonio called the Horn of Plenty"
because it will corn you copiously.-
Texas Sitter.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-03-28

Missionary-Did you notice which
way my colleague went?
Cannibal-He just passed down fvo
minutes ago.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
SPECIAL TRAIN
OfNineteen Coaches Passes Through
The City OF New nichmsnd.
Occupied BY Dunkards.

The special train spoken of IN
last weeks Voice, returned from
Indiana last Thursday morning
and made half hours stop IN this
city. The train consisted OF two
engines, one caboose and nineteen
Great Northern passenger coach
es. The cars were occupied by
$50 Dunkards who are migrating
to North and South ! akota. The
household effects Of the imml-
grants preceded them in $50
freight cars, in charge of az many
Dunkards, making the entire
party consist Of 900 souls. This
number equals 180th of the popu-
lation Of North Dakota, and that
state considers their accession
worth $1,000, 900. The train was
visited by many during it's stay
here. The Dunkards are really
German Baptists who construe
the Bible literally. They 60 on
the principle that the Bible is
good enough for them, and they
follow It's lead as near as they are
able. For instance when they
celebrate the feast of the Lord s
supper they take their food and
have full supper in the church.
They believe in Washing each
Others feet. The women wash
each Others feet and the men
wash the mems feet. 1t is only a
form Of course, but it is pretty
well observed by these people.
They are clannish to degree,
and whittier one goes the rest fol
low. In 30 other respect do they
differ from the ordinary German
A merican farmer and citiZen.-
Now Richmond Voice.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
Maiden Rock.

Miss Maggie Hager, Miss Ida
Kline, Charles Hager, and Prof.
w. d. Chaplin attended the n. w.
Teacher association In River
Falls last Monday, Tuesday and
Wednesday.
The ice boating is a thing Of
the past, as the last trip of the
Maiden Rock fleet was the % OF
March. The boats have been TAX
Ell off the Ice preparatory to
housing for the summer. This
season s ice boating has been ex-
ceptionally good, there having
been hardly a break in the sport
since last Thanksgiving. We, at
the Rock, have added two boats to
our fleet the last season, the
Oriole, owned by Charles Carpen-
ter and Elmer Walsingham, and
the Cow Boy, owned by DR..
Munger and Prof. Chaplin. These
boats belong to the schorcher list
and are noted for making three
mile spurts In two minutes But
we chronicle the loss of one of our
fleet, the Swallow, it having been
purchased by Arthur Chaplin of
River Falls.
Our teachers are in the pro-
gressive list if we are to Judge of
the educational helps they have
been supplying themselves with.
Several new books have been added
TO the library.
A. B. Chaplin and wife, Stephen
Browell and wife and Mrs. C. D.
Chaplin and daughter Verna, have
been visiting recently 1T W. d.
Chapins.
To know that we are music
loving people, one needs only to
pass along the streets and note
the strains of music issuing from
nearly every house. Several new
pianos have been purchased this
spring and also new organ for
the Methodist church. Miss
SIMPSONS class is progressing,
and the orchestra and the cornet
band will soon be a feature for
the town to be proud Of.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
Educational.

The fifth meeting of the n. W.
I. A. has come and gone, and has
left pleasant memories behind
with the resident participants,
and it is hoped that those who
made our pretty city their home
for few days, have carried pl cas-
ant impressions away with them.
There were present from abroad
something like two hundred
teachers, which, supplemented by
the two hundred students from
Normal and High Schools, fur
nished good audien ces of pedagog-
zeal turn of mind, tho it is not
iustifiabIe to ommit mentioning
the keen interest taken in the
proceedings Of the association by
the progressive citizens Of the
city and vicinity who are deeply
interested in the lines of thought
which in the working out will
affect the future Of the state.
w. j. Brier, chairman Of the
local committee, met the neon
ing members of the association at
trains and, with the assistance OF
ten guides from the school, as
signed mem bers not already pro-
vided for, to places Of hospitality
Monday evening the chapel
filled to overlooking to listen to
the mayors excellent address
welcoming the teachers to the
city; A. e. Brainard, Pres. OF
the association replied on behalf
Of the teachers present, and for q
man who never makes a speech
did very we'll. The remainder OF
the evening VISA enlivened by
quartettes aud solos, given under
the direction Of Mrs. Florence
Thatcher. The Delsarte class OF
nine young ladies, who have been
under skillful guidance for some
time, gave scales of very pleas
ing tableaux The evening closed
with a general Misunderstanding and
those present went to their sew
eral places of entertainment well
pleased with the world and with
each other.
Concluded next week.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
BOardmaA.

Grant Boardman and Mr.. Dew
ereau went to the Red Lake region
last week.
Miss Alta Fuller of Kinnickin-
BIC, is visiting with relatives and
friends in Boardman.
Levi Mackin Jr. Of Minneapolis
will return to Boardman and take
charge Of his fathers farm this
year.
There will be social at the resi-
dence of George Spencer next
Wednesday night.
Miss Elva Toal IS visiting at
Cylon.
Miss Grace Robinson will re-
turn from st. Paul to day for a
weeks vacation.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
Pleasant Valley.

A very pleasant party gathered
at Dun bar Drssser's Wednesday
evening. A number from Ham
mond and Kinnickinnic were
present. The evening was spent
in cards, music and amusing
games, and the party broke up
late, hoping there would be
another one as pleasant In the
near future.
Mr.. Miner eff Baldwin, was a
caller in town this week.
Conn. Leiithner and family
visited relatives in town Thurs
day.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Johnson
were the victims of very pleasant
surprise party Wednesday even
ing. About thirty were present
and very pleasant evening en-
sued.
Joe Leiithner lost horse
Saturday morning.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
Died.

Tubbs Willard Emmerson, only
child of Mr.. and Mrs. W. +.
Tubbs, died March 81, 1896, ag-
ed nine months and thirteen
days.
Sympathy is felt by the whole
community for the bereaved
parents.
Elwin White, Charles Patterson
and Charles Lewis left for Gilby
North Dakota, Friday morning.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
Pure Sweetness.

To please your best girl and
make the children happy call for
fresh made candy at
River Falls Candy Factory.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06

Miss Carrie Saunders Of St.
Paul visited friends in town the
first of last week.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06

On Wednes-
day evening, the 18th inst, at
the home Of The brides parents
on Cascade Ave, Mr.. Howard
A. Pratt and Miss Grace A.
Barnett, Rev. Chas. FL. Nc
Intosh officiating.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06

Mr.. E. Van Voorhis, of Cannon
Falls, Ontsrlo, who has been
operating a mill at Hastings un-
till the mill burned about a year
ago, has leased the Prairie Mills
Of this place for one year, and
will take possession to-day. Mr..
j. o. alton will also
come here and take charge Of the
selling of flour. Mr.. Van Voorhis
has had seventeen years experience
In the milling business and comes
highly recommended. Both
gentlemen have families, who ar
rived here Saturday evening. Mr..
Van Voorhis will occupy the D..
D. Day house on Main St. and
his assistant will live III the Mil
House Dwelling.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06
Married.

MAYNARD-OTTMAN.-At the res
idence of Walter Nobel in this
city, March %, 1896, by Rev.
w. M. Balch, Mr.. Fremont
Maynard of Ellsworth and Miss
Clara A. Ottman of Trimbelle,
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-04-06

Walter Gram and Jens Larson,
who left last tall, returned home
Wednesday. Miss Kristen Brown
also returned, accompanied by
Miss Laura Smith, sister Of George
Smith of this city. Mr.. Gram at
tended the funeral of his father,
and also the funeral of Mrs,
Smith, mother of George Smith,
while Ia Denmark. The party
reports having experienced severe
ocean storms while returning
The gentleman whom MIR
Smith hoped to secure to run the
brick kiln, has decided not t.
come at present.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-01-21
DR.. J. COILS BROWNIES
: CHLORODYNE.
60 0ristaaI ana 0nay Genuine.
~ CouoHs.
$50 COLDS.
- ASTHMA.
- e. BRoNchiris.

DR.. j. Coils Brownies ChIorodyno.
Vioe-Chancellor SIR w. PAGE WOOD
stated publicly in court that DR.. j. COILS
BROWNE was undoubtedly the lNVEN.
TOR of CHLORODYNE, that the whole
story of the defendant Freeman was de-
had been sworR to. See The Times, July
Z, 1864.
DIR. j. Coins Brownies ChIorodyns
Is liquid medicine which assuages PAIN
Ing sIeep WITHOUT HEADACHE, and
INVIGORATES the nervous system whoa
exh Mfstsd. Is the Great Specific for
Cholera, Dysentry, Diaxrh1a.
The 0sasra Rssrl Of Hsash, Losdoa.
noPsr$ taH II ACTS az a CHARM, one
asse gsaArassy sst5dsvt-
q. Gibbs. Amy ss@slaa Staff, CD
aaed ne d dlarshpAA-"
d.. J. cnAhs sro@sses cnsorodw me-
%tn tRkE palliative In
NeanAiH1n, 0oaf, Capcsr,
Teethsxas, Rbeumatisms
Dr.. T. OsxsAs H~o~afs chtorodvnn
Rpa!esrs - So s:.s 49, x.s,: s't'e'ts of
,i-s--7S--SNSE-3
hsEACtA<} Sssdasa-~<TAa Tnnaass
Sdas Il ~ As@SkS &cs Aasss tiss 10 1aanH
UysEssi6as 1EtstauA
N. k--swssS nstas n OsnaiQs CAIqv.
ss@s j. Gs~s,s. 6T !. esR
Bre'w'AA 9nh % bdf6ss N d.. n. Of.
ana o. "a. ~ sA ehAesSA
q " b9vssSkr.
"a Great Russell sssset. London. W.:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-01-21

A good start can be made
in home decoration by in
vesting in a picturelnow and
then. The Berlin Photographic
Company is well known for
the popular subjects that they
use. Our stock comprises
Extra Gravures, Imperial
Gravures, Imperial Photo
gravures, Royal Photogra-
vures, Folio Photographers,
Folio Gravures, Artotypes,
Life Artos, Strip Etchings,
Photographs, ETC., etc.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-01-21

A Cold Water Paint Especially
Designed for Inside Work on
Factories and Public
Buildings.

1t is a dry powder which can be pre-
pared for use by simply stirring in COLD
WATER. and can be applied by any one
and will always produce good work.
1t is VERY WHITE, extremely reflec-
tive and haRiens on a wall like stone and
will take any tint.
1t will last for years and is unaffected
by gases.
One coat covers better than two coats of
oil paint or Whitewash.
1t can be used On any surface and for
all classes of work, even for the finest
decorating.