Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1896-07-15
STORIES OF STETS0N.
ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING MEN
EVER IN THE SHOW BUSINESS.

ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING MEN
EVER IN THE SHOW BUSINESS.
An Ignorance Whose Depth and Breadth
Made 1t Highly Entertaining -stetson
Was . Source Of Fun Outside Of The
atrical Circles as Well as Within Them.
There is a man born now and then
with sort Of humorous silver spoon in
his mouth. Uninterrupted good fortune
as humorist smiles on him through
life, and that, too, with no seeming
effort of his own. He somehow acquires
an early reputation for saying or doing
funny things, which, once gained, moth
ing can take away. All the jokes in his
line of his generation, and often some
of earlier and later generations, are
credited to him, and nobody cares to
dispute the honor. Collectors Of jokes
are ready to accept Joe Miller as Joe
Miller, but no literary scholar believes
that he originated all the jests in his
alleged book. Anybody can think Tor
himself of two or three similar examples
in the present half century, and, even
80, it is not likely that John Stetson
ever really said all or half the amusing
things that were attributed to him.
They were good stories, some of them,
and they were told of Stetson, just as
the story Of fiddling while Rome burned
was told of Nero, not because they were
true, but to show what kind Of man
Stetson was.
The stories which it was thought
proper to fix upon John Stetson were
those which exhibited any broad, COM
prehensive and picturesque ignorance.
He was an ignorant man no doubt-ig-
norant enough, perhaps, to say all the
things that it was ever said that he
said, but the chances are that he did
not say them all. But the stories are
none the worse for that. Yeals ago
Sophocles' "Gdipus Tyrannus" was
played by the students Of Harvard col
lege and excited great comment through
out the country. 1t was discussed one
evening at dinner at which Stetson
was present, and he cheered the COM
pany by announcing that he had con-
tracted with Sophocles for the writing
of a new play to be produced by him
the following season.
This story belongs in the same class
as a somewhat more elaborate one.
Stetson once took possession Of a new
theater and discovered in the lobby a
picture that did not meet his artistic
taste. ''Take that picture down" he
said.
"But, Mr. Stetson," somebody re-
monstrated, ''that picture was painted
by Michael Angelo.
''Michael who?" said Stetson.
"Michael Angelo"
"Well, take it down., said Stetson,
''and discharge Angelo. I won't have
any of these foreign scene painters
around my theater; Pm going to en-
ploy Americans.
This SO amused those who heard it
that they at once told the incident to
friends Of Stetson and themselves, and
among them was Jack Haverly, the
famous negro minstrel manager. HaT-
erly did not laugh when he heard it.,
but simply looked puzzled. He thought
for a few moments, and then faint
smile came into his face, and he said.
"Oh, yes, see; there ain't no such per-
son as Michael AngeloP'
/ 1 mi %I,Or1 tof
| to take back to Stetson, who, it was as
sumed, must have taken pains in the
| meantime to inform himself Of the his
tory Of art sufficiently to understand it.
"What do you think, Stetson?" said his
| friend. eve have told Jack Haverly
what you said about Michael Angelo,
| and he said, 'Oh, see; there amt nc
such person as Michael AngeloP -"
Stetson looked blank in his turn for q
moment and then received his own little
illumination as to the humor Of the
thing. "Why, the ignorant old fool, .
he said; "of course he ought to have
said, There isn't any such person a.
Michael Angelo" :.
| This story again recalls another witt
a similar touch in it. The conversation
once turned on a clever passage in W
J. Florence's old play, ''The Might.
Dollar" in which Bardwell Sloat ex
poses his ignorance by referring to
hackman whom he had encountered II
Venice. eyes" said Stetson, "that
clever; of course they don't have hack
in Venice; it's such slow place the.
don't have anything but omnibuses ant
mule carts. This fable found its wa.
into print again only few weeks De
fore Mr.. Stetson's s death.
"What do you think of So-and-so!'
i Stetson asked of friend, naming on
of the actors of his company. He mean
to ask what his friend thought Of tn
way the actor was playing the part L
which he was then engaged, but TN
friend supposed that he meant to as
what manner of man he thought him
So he answered, 'He's well enough
only he seems to me to be a little TO
pedantic.
This struck Stetson as a good wore
and he stored it up in his memory fe
future use. A few days later, when b
met the actor, he said, 81 was in fror
!, watching you last night and though
you didn't play that part quite as p'
dantic as you usually do.
Sometimes Mr.. Stetson's expression
amounted to epigrams. 1t will be n
membered that when Gilbert and Sull
vans '.The Gondoliers" was first don
l in this country at the New Park theatel
> now the Herald Square, it was dreat
full failure. It was clearly and obvious
" so to anybody who saw any conslt
erable part of it, even if he were ord
narily bad judge Of such things, an
Stetson was not bad judge He had 81
= cured the rights to the opera for Ne
= England, and he had paid good deal
. money for them. He went to the Ne
: Park on the first night to see and he'
!, what his property looked and sounde
!" like. After the first act he strobe out In
the lobby and somebody heard him mu
:. ter: sGondoliers?' 'Gondoliers? HE
70 Gone dollars!'-New York Tribune