Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-10-17
CURRENT FUN.

L
Mrs. Snively-Oh, dear 1 wish we were
as we'll off as the Gushleys. They keep
four servants.
Mr.. Snively-Ard you call that well
off, Inasnuch as you have 10 ADVERTISED
every other day and have all your friends
on the lookout for ne purpose of keep
ing one. il seems 10 me that the Gush-
!eys ought 20 envy us.-C.-veland Lead
er.
No wonder the pleasures Of counting
have declined" said the stout youth.
Jus look at the flimsiness Of nese mod
eTn chairs
And he pointed to a slender affair Of
White bamboo touched with gilt,
You mustn't judge by appearances" -
said the stout girl softly. Eve had thaa
chair thoroughly braced with the very
best Of steel rods. and it's now guaran-
teed Ia stand a pressura of sixty pounds
TO the square inch
Then they both sat down in it as a
final test.-Cleveland Pla,ndealer.
The Docjor-Mrs Brown has sent for
me to go and see her boy. and I must go
a, once.
His Wi:,-wha; IS the matter witty
the boo
The D ctCr-I DO ,. know bi Mrs
Brown mas book on What TO Do Be-
fore the Doctor Comes" and must hur-
ry up before she does it-Puck.
How did the critics treat Jingolrs
I'm! Well. the kindest thing they
said about it was that il was not orig
-naL'-Washington Star.
Hadn't YOU be,,r call another phy-
Siclan?' said the wife 10 the young doe
tor who was treating her husband.
Just for consultation, YOU know"
No, ma'am.' he replied. NY ideas
nre confused enough ALREADY. Buffalo
StudanJ-Last year had six naw suits
made for me.
FRIEND didn't suppose there vera
SO many tailCrs in town.-Fuegenda
Blae,ter
Mr. Johnson (reading)-Heah's a man
sot terribly burned an his wife allowed
DE dociahs toe take two square foo. OBJ
sam OIL ob her an put it on her husban.'
MIS-. Johnson-Whad she do dat TO?
Ar Johnson-Toe sabe his life.
s'p0se?
Mr. Johnson-No, bin married five
yeahs.
Mrs. Johnson-Lawd! how dem repor-
tabs KIN lia.-Judge.
The trouble with women" said young
Mr. Van BRAIN, oraculrly. lis that they
are always doing some hing which is of
no use"
You can't prove that assertion" re-
piled Miss DnwdGie.
Il beg your pardon. but I can, and out
Of your own mouth, too
Go on"
Less tl3n a quarter of an hour ago
You said il was no use talking. but YOU
didn't stop-PiUsburg ChrOnicle-Tele-
graph.
Can YOU lend me S1O?" asked the two
headed girl OF the fat lady.
Guess l can said the fat lady. "but
YOU don't mean to tell me you have spent
all your salary alresdy?"
II d.dn'j mean 10, replied the two
headed girl, almost in tears. but there
was such q lovely vase put up at auction.
andI got 10 bidding against myself be-
fore l h0Ogh-. Enquirer
And how did you like my predecessor,
King Toem?" asked the missionary.
He was very fine" returned the can
nibal King, though little s,ringy."-
Harlem Life.
81 Orter of knowd enough ter keep
away from dat house said Wandering
Mike as he came down the road. It's
me bad memory dat got me inter dis
trouble I've been dere before, an l
Orter OF EnOwed what ter expect"
Did dey treat We seyere?" asked Plod-
ding Pete.
Comparatively speakin' my reception
was downright hospitable."
'Ye didn't bring no hand-OUt wit yer"
No But de ole lady wuS in sech a
good humor dat she held de dog while I
got out, sid O. lettin him bite me-
Washington Star
THAT acting is simply superb"
81 don't see it,"
His lack of appreciation was apparent
10 every one but wearer of the leghorn
who SAT Immediately in front of him.