Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-05-22


I fan to grasp the necessities in a game
OF ball, played In dry place, on a ory
day, OF a larboari paddle: and why was
he Nemesis? Wasn't Nemesis lady?
Is Mr.. Doheny lsdyllke person? The
report continues. They were deuces Tor
Doheny. whose south-side wing brushed
them out in the first inning" Has the
game changed to poker? II not, WY
'deuces"? And has Mr.. Doheny de-
veloped into an angel with a south-sloe
wing and a north-slde wlng2 And mas ne
wings on the east and west sidesE IN
the next paragraph is this: In fect
these Senatorial left-handed swatters
couldn't firt with Doheny." Doheny must
be lady, or how could they hirt with
him? And what Is a left-handed swat
ter?
Continuing. the report says: Joyce
was the only one Of the three who saw
the first cushion until German began to
twirl." Is there n cushion In base-oaH
game. and is It 70 sit on? And what was
the matter with German that he should
begin 10 twirl? Was he inebriated or
just dizzy? Then / observe. In play
between Gleason and McJames. that the
twirler OF the anarchistic frizzes tarried
over the grounding" Possibly those who
understand this understand IL, but why
don't they let US. who do not understand
1t. have a baseball glossary? lmmedi-
ately following this read that: "Scrappy
executed a St. Vitus dandle over Georges
lawn mower" What do they use a lawn
mower for? To cut the glass on the bali
held? And why should they execute a
st. Vitus dandle over III What is a St.
Vitus dandle? Again, I ind a reference
to eating, though this time II is not
bread, but pudding. The report says:
Big Mike Tiernan presented McJames
with a plate of tapiOca, which he and
Ed. Cartwright demolished between
them" Why did they eat the tapioca
pudding? Were they so hungry after
their violent exercise? Possibly they
hadn't enough to eat at their hotel.
should think that oatmeal would be a
better diet on the field than tapioca pud-
ding, but as 1 know 50 littla about base
ball ] shall not insist on that point.
Immediately after serving the tapioca
pudding / read that Frank Connaughton.
the Titan blonde plunked on McJames
for two stings, a clean double 'twiXt
Jimmy Rodgers and the second divan,
and Gleason and Davis scored" l can
readily understand what scoring Is, and
| now see that the cushion before re-
ferred 10 Is for use on the diyan here re-
ferred to, but what Is TO a PUNK on
McJames and what stung him twice? In
the next paragraph / read Of 1.-THE obse-
quies OF Davis, with Cartwright as under
taker" Was Mr. Davis Killed? Again /
find a reference 10 Mr.. Doheny's wings,
this time 10 being: "Doheny's sinister
wing developed such an attack Of ratues
as TO fly wild" and l wish to inquire if
reference 10 the south wing as
sinister wing is not an evidence Of
sectional prejudice? Neither did 1 ever
hear Of wings having rattles. l thought
rattles were in the tail.
Going on deeper into the game I no
tice that the Senator'S were staked 90
three horse collars IN the third" DO
they wear horse collars In the game?
il so. why do they wear them, and how
could the Senators BE- staked 10 them?
Soon after this ! read OF the south
winged Nemesis compelling Joyce and ABB
hey 10 take three swipes at General HUI
mllity, who was registered at IS
down on the diamond" In the name of
the shades Of the athletes of ancient
Greece and Rome. what does that mean?
Why did they take three swipes at Gene
raj Humidity? If General Humidity
means the hot weather. why didn't they
take a dozen swpes at it2 Why didn't
they sWipe II or the face Of the earth2
Three swipes. indeed In the fourth
inning the report says: kid Gleason
strung Jimmy McJames 10 the tune Of
three strings, a clean push-down toward
Charley Abbey" Is Mr. McJames
musical instrument that Mr.. Gleason
could thus string him? c.ean push
down / fancy is one that Is not sOiled.
That's easy enough. in the fifth inning
! notice that al. Selbach became a dead
head for the third time" from which /
huence with somebody. However. a little
further on / notice that he ''pendulumed
10 third" Does Mr.. Selbach run Ike
clock?
= lot Of other odd things happened in
this inning which 1 fail 10 comprehend.
but go on TO the seventh inning. Here
find that Joyce waited Doheny's
pleasure. and by Tim Hurst's leave
helped himself to II. Davis's upholstery.
II was the first time Billy had seen this
furniture during the game What kind
OF furniture was H., and how was II up
holstered? DO baseball players carry
cabinet-maker's kit around with them?
They either do that or carry a stock Of
ready-made furniture with them. for right
after this / see that Joyce purloined Kid
Gleas0n's ottoman" This IS a degree
Of moral turpitude which does not speak
well for our national game players. In
the eighth inning i note that Herman
got his mltt on the ball and let IL filter
through his mitt." Now, how could
hard ball, solid and well-made, filter
through n mitt? And is a filtered ball
any purer than an uniiitered one?
But / cannot call your attention 10 all
the baseball English IN this remarkable
report. What / want 20 know Is what is
meant by all this queer language, and
II IL IS the only language in which base
ball games are 10 be reported, would -
not be simple justice 10 US who want ID
read about the game. for the Ass1c.-
ton. or League, or whoever II is at o.
head Of affairs, 10 issue a glossary.
that we can tell what We are readir-
about W. j. HAMPTON.
Washington.