Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-12-03
HOW OLSON SQUARED 1T.
by DAN OUIN.

Now I thoroughly saveys," re-
marked the old cattleman, refectively,
at crisis in our last conversation when
cowardly measure, Il thoroughly
saveys that taste for battle that turks
in the defiles of folks nature like a
wolf in the hills. Which 1 reclSons
now that I, myself, is one of the peace
fullest people who ever belted on a gun;
but in my insipc ts-while never jcsti-,
1ies or follows his example, cl'arly
.apPrehends the emotions of gent who
.convenes with another gent all similar,
an expresses his views of him with
his gun, an Immediately precedes q adj
journment sine die by skelpin' the OPP
position. Sech is human nature onre-
strained, an the same, while deplor-
able, is not surprisin'.
But this yere Olson I has in my
mem'ry don't have no scch manly emo
tions as goes with q gun play. Which
Olson, l takes pleasure in sayin', is
a alien an rank outsider, an no
more born in this home of freedom
than a Mexican. Olson is so cowardly
he's even furtive; an for low-fung
measly play let me tell you what Olson
does. It's shorely onery. - -
1T all arises years ago, back in Ten
ncssce, an gets it's first start out of
a hawg which is owned by Olson an
is Sowned by a gent named Hoskins-
Bill Hoskins. It's this way:
Back in Tennessee, in my dream
wreathed yooth, when anamiles goes
projectin' about permiscus, party has
10 build his fences bull strong, hawg
tight, an boss high or he takes re-
suits. Which Hoskins don't make his
fences to conform to this yere roole
none; leastwise they amt hawg tight
rs is shown by one of Olson's hawgs.
The hawg comes pirootin' about
l1oskins' fence, an he goes through
easy; an the way that invadin' anamile
turns Bills potatoes bottom up don't
bother him a bit. He shorcly loots
Bills lot; that's whatever.
"But Bill, perceivin' of Olson's hawg
layin' waste his crop, reaches down
Hawkins rifle, 30 to the pound, an
stretches the hawg. Which this is
where Bill falls into error. Layin'
aside them deficiencies in Bills fence,
its cFar at glance c. hawg can't be
held responsible. Hawgs is ignorant
and tharfore innocent; an while hawgs
can be what Doc Poets calls a casus
belli, they can't be regarded as a foe
legitimate.
Now what Bill oughter done, if he
feels like this yere hawg's done put it
oil over him, is to go an lay for Olson.
Sech action by Bill would have been
some excessive, some high, so to speak,
but it would have been line shot.
Whereas KILN the hawgs is way to
one side of the mark, an under.
. However, as 1 states, Bill bein' hasty
that away, and incapable of perhaps re-
fined reasonin', downs the pig, an
stands pat on it, waitin' for Olson to fill
-his hand, if he feels so moved.
Now, that's where the cowardly
mature of this yere Olson begins to
sshtre. He's ugly es a wolf about Bill
cOpperin' his hawg that away, but he
don't pack the nerve to go after Bill an
make a roundup of them grievances.
An he amt allowin' to pass it up none
onrevenged neither. Now, here's what
Olson does; he 'sassinates Bills pet rae
coon.
That's right, pard; jest massacre
pore, confdin' raccoon, who don't no
more stand in on that hawg KILN Of
Bills than me an ycu-don't even adj
wise it.
Now, allow you saveys all thar is
to know about raccoon. No? Well,
a raccoon's like this: In the first place
he's plump ingenious, an amt loolHin'
for no gent to hold out kyards or ring o
cold deck on him. That's straight; O
racccon is supplemented that way; an
his impressive trait is, he's meditative
Besides bein' nacherally thoughtful as
so his own affairs, I might say a raccoor
is a heap melancholy-he jest sets thai
an absorbs melancholy from merel.
bCta' alive.
But if q ,accoon is melancholy o1
gets wrapped in thought that away, it
after all his own play. It's to his credi
that once when he's tanned he's got
mountainous confidence in men, NJ
will curl up an go to sleep where you b
an shet both eyes. Hes plumb trus'
full; an moreover, no matter bo'
mournful raccoon feels, or how plum
melancholy he gets, he don't poster yo
with no yarns.
81 reckon conversrs with this ye,
identical raccooE OF Bills plenty fr
uuent when he feels blue an agai
when he's at his gailiest, an he new
remarks nothin' 20 me except p'lite &c
er~rt.os.
~ ,.,s Olson had been dead geu