davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
A POLITICAL DICTIONARY.

-
Some New Definitions For the Perusal o
the Great Voting Public.
The Chicago Record is at work on {
political dictionary of tho American
people, and from advance sheets re
ceived we quote the following defni
tions:
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS men and a supply
Of beer, together with one of the officer.
of the ward club to address the party.
Antisnapper-See Left" marble
Heart, Frost"
Boss-A Svengali located at the
chewed end Of a thick cigar.
Dictator-A highly colored and up.
holstered gentleman who two years
hence will return to the profitable pas.
time of carrying a hod.
Enthusiasm-The spirit of hops.
Freedom-A word obsolete in prac-
tice. but feverishly rampant in vocal
cation.
Favorite SOMA living, moving sign
which reads, "The Delegation Fol-
Sale"
Good Yellowstone who has failed at
everything but politics and whose stock
in trade is a smile permanently mortised
to his features and "the price"
Hall-The back end of a saloon.
Jag-The beginning and ending of
politics.
Kick-A useless but amusing action
ON the part Of people who pay taxes.
Love Feast-A cutlery convention.
Machine-The central committee
when it is II with which you cut nc
ice and which will not permit you to
run it.
Nominee-One who buys ball tickets,
suhscribes to countless Funds, y orders
half a barrel sent to every meeting he
hears Of, Coughs up" and otherwise
acts as a reception committee for a great
and lusty touch.
Our Party-Purity. glory and worth.
Partisan-A man whose views dis
agree with yours.
Patricia man whose views agree
with yours.
Q~uench-An impossible feat associat-
cd with a voting hobo's thirst.
Reform-A beauteous prima donna
whom You discover to have been born
deaf and dumb.
Craftsmanship - Vagrancy in good
clothes.
Ticket-A string Of link sausage
which looks well after it has been ground
out of the mill, but which would cause
n to swear of eating could he see the
elementary parts before they are thrown
into the hopper.
Unpledged Delegate-You ought to
be able to make it $50.
Vindication-The protection afforded
by the fact that there are others.
Wind-A property which becomes
%eloquence when the speaker is one of us.
X-The standard of value in a con-
vention.
Young Blood In Politics-A mouthy
attorney recently out of a law school
who finds he cannot live on 81 a year.
Zebra-The kind of clothes frequent
ly earned. but too frequently not worn,
by statesmen.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Some Georgia Philosophy.

The man that sings the loudest in
church throws his head so far back that
he can't see the collection basket when
it comes along.
Some folks are SO fond Of trouble they
can't enjoy honey for thinking of what
might haye happened if tho bee had
stung 'em.
The road. to heaven is so narrow that
some people have about decided there is
not room for two at a time.
When you hear a man saying that this
is a hard world. ten to one but he's
broken his leg trying to fly when he
should have been walking Atlanta
Constitution.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
u. Won the E'irit.

AS ! reached tho north bank of the
kaW river the occupant of the shanty
which served as a tavern was mailing
up the door and making ready for flight.
When | asked him what the trouble was.
he replied;
"A Teller named Hopkins is comm
over to do me mp, and I'm in a hurry to
git away"
How do you hp?''
"Why, shoot me down. Says he'll
shoot me on sight. Got the ole woman
away two hours ago, and | must hurry
up"
"Luok hcra, my friend, y | said, real
izing that | must stop there for the
night or ride a distance Of ten miles,
'you have a winchester there"
YES, and "A good one"
You look like Il man with pluck"
do /? ! thought | didn't hev any. I
never had a fout in my life, but [ was
allus afraid I'd git licked if | got j n a
row."
81 believe you could put up a good
fight. Which way will Hopkins come
from:'
From the south. Say, that's him on
bis boss unw, and hev to git!''
Don't you do it! He has got to cross
the river here. Get down behind that
bank and pump bullets at him if he tries
to cross
But he's u terror to fight"
$50 arc you. You can drive him off
III five minutes"
STRANGER, do you really believe l
kin Gght?'' he asked as 10 began to
handle his weapon.
why, of course. Get under the bank
and let him have it as soon as he ome
within range"
IL believe ! will" he said as he
got under shelter.
l took cover behind the house, and
five minutes later Hopkins reached the
river bank and uttered a warwhoop. 1t
was still ocho:ng when the tavern man
opened fire. He was all of a-tremble,
but he shot SO close that after the fifth
or sixth bullet whizzed past his ears
Hopkins turned his horse and galloped
away, evidently badly ratified.
Didn't l tell you SOP" | asked of
the landlord as he rose up.
STRANGER, did l skeer him off," be
exclaimed, his face as white as snow.
"You did"
And he's a licked MANI"
He is"
And l fit a real fout and come out
on top"
You have"
Then bust open that door and help
yerself to what ye want while l go after
the ole woman! Whoop-ee, Take my
guns! Take my shanty! Take all | hev
and welcome, fur I'm goin to turn ter
ror and travel about and lick every
blamed varmint i'll the state of Kan
.,, ~
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
The Cathode Ray

There's another new invention
Which these scientific crimps
Discovered, Just to help along
Old satan and his imps.
1t is worse than all the others
They have brought out in our day,
And the name of this new demon
Is the cathode ray.
With this newfangled lightning
They ri look a man right through
And can see what he is thinking,
Tell you what he wants to do,
Count the money in his pocket,
Then with laughter they will brny
When they only find a nickel
With their cathode ray.
Just suppose you have a dollar
And you start out for a feed,
But you meet that bill collector
Who is won't with you to plead;
You have stood him off SO often
That you think twill be but play,
But the fellow finds that dollar
With his cathode ray.
From the streets the gossips watch you
When your house is in a whirl,
And your wife through three partitions
Sees You kiss the hired girl.
She in anger chides you for 1t,
Then you get u gun and pray
Fol a shot at the inventor
OF hat cathode ray.
Chicago Record
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Her Part.
Free Press

Her hair was golden hued,
a bit inclined to red,
While truant locks, like birds in focks
Went circling round her head.
She passed him on the street,
Then disappeared from sight
Within II door that OF it bore
"StaRe way" in letters white.
She acted in a piece
Called "Winning Wowan's Way"
And, having sent for seats, he went
That night to see her play.
He wondered if she'd dance,
Or play a comic role,
Or throw her art into a part
To harrow up ones soul.
And so that night he went.
The play was awful rot.
He worried through acts one and two,
And UT she cameth not.
The last act she appeared.
Alas, u%ngracious fates!
She bent her head and all she said,
My lord, your carriage waits"
-Footlights.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
No Coffee For Her.

One of my friends has Il waiting
maid, compared to whom the ace of
spades is a brilliant blond. She wasn't
feeling very we'll the other day-she'd
scorn to be really well, you know-but
this day she said her head ached more
than usual, and her back was %''settin
wide OPEN The mistress advised her
to take "A cup of strong coffee.
II never drinks coffee, Miss Lucy -
said the maid.
"Why not?" asked the mistress.
"Oh, Miss Lucy, it's so bad for my
complexion. Washington Post.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28

jumped into the river and swan across
and thus got away. The stranger looked
on without a word, and when the affair
was over he handed down "a $50 bill.
Flows this?' asked the corporal.
"Why," replied the man, lone ten is
for my dog being a blamed coward and
the other for me being a blanked fool"
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Unmistakable encouragement,

II am going to propose to Miss jim
kles," said Whykins thoughtfully.
HAS she given you any encourage
ment?''
Il should say so. Why, she is afraid 1
am spending too much money for bou-
qpets and matinee tickets. "-Washing-
ton Star,
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Queen Louisa Of Prussia and the Rose.

Queen Louisa of Prussia and the Rose.
Before parting Napoleon spent a
few moments at her side, and at the
end, turning, pulled from a bunch a
beautiful rose, which he offered
with gestures of gallantry and hon.
age. Hesitating a moment the queen
at last put out her hand and said as
she accepted it, SAT least with
Magdeburg."
Madame, "came the frigid reply,
sit is mine to give and yours to ac-
cept." But he gave his arm to con-
duct her to the carriage, and as they
descended the stair together the dis
appointed guest said in a sentiment
tai and emotional voice, lis it posi-
BILE that, having had the happiness
to see so near the man of the cen
fury and of all history, he will not
afford me the possibility and the
satisfaction of being able to assure
him that lie has put me under obi.
cations for life?"
With solemn tones Napoleon re-
piled: Madame, I am to be pitied.
1t is a fault Of my unluoky star"
Queen Louisa's own lady in wait
ing related that her sovereign's bit
terness overcame her at the last,
and rs she stepped into the carriage
she said, "Sire, you have cruelty de-
ceived me."-Professor Sloane in
Century.
The Fighting Pig.
And when the pig makes up his
mind to fight it is to the bitter end;
no odds he considers too great for
him-he would face a regiment in
limo or a battery of artillery in posi-
ton. Woe to the rash hounds that
come within reach of his champing
jaws and cleaning tusks; it will
surely be many a long day before
they ever take the field again. even
if lucky enough to escape with their
lives. He has no idea of finohing,
but just backs into a thick bush. or
against o rock or trees, and with
desperate, logged determination
fights to the death, which he meets
with q grim silence worthy of a bet
FER fate. -Kirby.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28

"Bain yo' hev kindly asked me what
Id take I don't keer if l step around
to Joe's place with 20 and wet my
mouth with whisky-jest dampen it,
20 know, to keep the cotton out TIN.
Quad in Detroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
A Wise Child.

"Dickie, what do you want for your
birthday PRESENT."
"Oh, papa, get me a savings bank
that m can't get nickels out of
with a hairpin. Chicago Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
The Worst.

LET me know the worst" he ex-
claimed in q voice of thunder.
But the butcher kept silence. The
composition of a sausage is "a trade Sc
ret.-Buffalo Express.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Some One Who Would.

Millie-If you kiss me again. I shall
call for my mother,
Leavitt-What will you do if l don't?
Millie (demurely)-Call for somebody
else. New York World.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
NUNS the Wore

Clerk - There's something wrong
about this gas bill. It's twice as large
as last months bill.
Mr. Pocketall-Did we burn twice as
much gas? If we didn't, just make a
big kick about it.
Clerk-The trouble is we burned
three times as much.
MI. Pocketall-Oh, that's different.
-Roxbury Gazette.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Not the Same.

Lady at the Door, believe in my
heart you are the same tramp I gave a
large piece of pie to a few days ago!
Tramp-No, ma'am. Your mistak-
Ell. He's dead.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Queer.

Student-Now, that's queer! My ia.
Their says my studying costs him a for.
tune, and I am sure I study very little.
-Fliegende Blatter.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Unprecedented Beat.

Y"Great heavens! The flat is on fire. -
"How do you knowi?"
,"Look at the Thermometer. 1t has
gone up to TO-"
Turning pale, they fed, abandoning
their effects Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
SKETCHES BY VI. QUAD
All There Was In 1t.

l had labored for IA quarter of an hour
to convince the mountaineer that he was
wrong in c%ontending that education was
of no particular benefit TO anybody, but
he would not give way. Finally l said:
lyon have eggs and coonskins and
other things TO sell in town."
Eyes"
"What did you sell last?"
"A heap of eggs"
"How many dozens?"
Cant tell. sab. [ dun told You
couldn t count. "
"Well, you took them to town and
sold them. How many dozen did the
buyer say there were?''
HE didn't say"
Then you can't tell whether you had
four or eight dozeu?"
mo, sab"
well, you can see right there where
education would have been of benefit.
The grocer may have cheated you out of
two dozen eggs for all you know"
mo. he un didn't cheat"
"But how do you know"
"Kase he un c%Ouldn't."
lyon couldn't count"
"No, sab, | couldn't count, but yo'
see it was this way. | had the basket
jest SO full, and he gin me jest as big a
ping of terbacker and jest as much
whisky as over, and so | kn0wed he
didn't cheatl Why, sab, if I'd bin
goy'ner of this yere staff thar wouldn't
hov bin any mo- eggs and no mo- whisky
and turbacker -
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
His Reason.

why did Brumley say that he was
not a hero?"
He is his own valet. detroit
Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Runs Through Cars
~I>O~
TIME SCHEDULE.

TIME SCHEDULE.
ARRIVE AT HELENA.
No. /. Pacific Mail. west bound 1876 a. IN.
No 2. Atlantic Vail. east bound, LEO D. M.
No. s. Marysville accommodation.
daily except Sunday. :. :.....: So. $50 a. III.
No 9, Elkhorn accommodation.
Tuesdays, Thursdays and SAT-
nfdays ............. .........." -. : 20 ID. m.
No. Q. Wickes and Boulder ac-
commodation. daily except ;.
oumahy:. 5:25 p. m.
No lOl, Rimini mixed. Mondays
DEPART FROM HELENA.
No. !, Pacific Mail, west bound, S:35 a, m.
No. 2, Atlantic Mail, east bound. II 80 p. NJ.
No. Z, Marysville. accommoda-.
ton. daily except sunday 49,. $3.50 D. m.
No. 10, Elkhorn.- accommodation.
Tuesdays. Thursdays and Sat
urdays, Observation-Disclosures. 7:15 u. III.
No. 10, Wickes and Boulder 'ac-
commodation. daily except Sun
uhy 7:l5 a. III.
No. 102, Rimini mixed, Mondays
only. -. :....... 1O:3U a. H..
Through tickets 10 iupan and China, via Tia
,oma and Northern Pacific steamship CO., nm
American ] inc. 49, +,
For information, time cards, maps and tickets,
:all on or write
"a. u. EDGAR,
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
Monetary.
She Knew Him.

Mrs. Smith-So you've been out to
have a skate?
MI. S.-M'dear, yes.
Mrs. Swell, I thought ! detected
the odor .-Minneapolis Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
An Expert view.

An Expert View.
Dad, what's a running account?"
Its an open account with a dry
goods store, my son, which keeps you
mother running down town all the time
to buy something. louisville Cou.
rier- Journal.
Monetary.
Sinnick-After all, marriage is noth.
ing but a financial affair in all its sue.
cessive phases.
Trustus-In what way do You mean?
Sinnick-First matrimony, then pin
money and lastly alimony. New York
World.
Arizona weekly citizen., 1896-11-28
News of the Victories

Won by Hostetter's Stomsch Bitters over disease are almost dslly receiced by its proprieto,s. For over third of a century it hss been the theme of con- stant and grateful acknowledgements from those whom It has cured or pre- tected from disease, from medical meD who have watched ito efforts ana adopt ed it, and fcom Q host of other sources A noticeable concurrence in this mass of testimony as to the thorouRhness of ts effects is observable. This point specisily commends its-lf to the coDsi- iteration of persons afflicted with obeti- pate fnrms of tho malsdies to which 1t is adapted. sgsinst wh'ch ordinary reme- dies bsve proved unsvailioR. Fever end sgue, chronic constipation and dyspep. sis, long and increasing debility, con- tirmed biliousness and rbeumatism, are among the forms of disease which most frequently defy medication. and to the eradication of these maladies the Bit. 'ers ia specially suIted. It is pure, speedy and thorough.
Arizona weekly citizen., 1896-11-28
Besohsr e . Slave Auetionesr.

Even people of mature yesrs whose memory is clear about matters before and during the war have practically forgotten that Henry Ward Beeoher used his pulpit in Plymouth Cnuroh, Brook. lyn, ss sn suction block for slsvss. The most famous of his ''slave sales" wss thnt of the beautiful girl, Sarah, and 1t was upon this occasion that the mos: exciting scenes ever witnessed in Ply. moath Church, or in any other Ameri- can church for that msttef, occurred. Mir. Beecher wss unusually dramatic; be put tire into his words, @ he stood the siave girl CD the platform beside him, which fairly burned into the hearts of bis auditors. It was not long before the people became almost hysteriosl with excitement. But Beeohsr kept on until he was ready to pass the collection bask. cts. Tte the auditors gave vent to their fee in ;s, and not only beaps of money wac put into the packets but men and women took of their rings, unfast- ened their watches sud threw them into the ta kets and on the platform. It was Q remarkable scene. and such . one es probably will never be equaled in this county. Mrs. Bescher recalls the event with wonderful vividnees in her article in the Christmas Ladies' Home Journal, when she tells tho whole story of When Mir. Beecher Sold Slaves in Plymouth Pulpit" The scene itself is remarkably we'll brought to the eye of the reader by @ striking illustration made by De Thul strup from material furnished the artist by Mrs. Beecher.
Arizona weekly citizen., 1896-11-28
CHURCH AND CLERGY.

Rev. Charles E. Jefferson, of the Cen tral Congregational church, Chelsea. has received call to the First Cougre- gational church of Oakland, Cal.
 The rumor that Rev. William N. Cleveland, brother of President Cleve- land, is to be called to Calvary Presby- terian church, Cleveland, O.. cannot be substantiated.
 The Church Union, of which Mrs. Elizabeth B. Grannis has been the ed- itor and proprietor for more than ten years, has been sold to Rev. Samuel T. Carter, one of it's contributing editors.
 According to the London correspon- dent of the Glasgow Herald a good many penitents in Anglican churches are complaining of the utter lack of privacy which awaits them when they go to confession, and are urging the erection of confessional boxes of the fa- miliar Roman type.
 Rev. Dr. Cyrus S. Bates, rector of St. PauPs Episcopal church, Cleveland, who has just died from pneumonia, was one of the most prominent clergy men in the diocese of Ohio, and was a member of the ecclesiastical court that tried Rev. Howard Mac Queary for her esy few years ago. He was born in Ohio in 1840.
Arizona weekly citizen., 1896-11-28
LOOK OUT FOR HOBOs!
The Town Jail is Already Full and 300 More is Said to b. on
 the Way.

Msrshsl Paul and Officers Oaks and Sullivsn ran ID gang of hobos yestsr- day. Ten of them were up before Ike. cordey Conpsll this morning and were sentenced 10 days each in the city ca- lsbooee. They wear the usual amount of dirt and differ in DO way from the or- dinsry roaming loafer. Three others are in the county jail on the charge of breaking into oars on tte Southern Pa ciic. They were pesched on ny their pals who are also in jail aud will prOb- ably be held as witnesses. It appears that on lsst Saturday might Q part of the gang wac loaded up on alcohol and made var on the balance of the fel- lows, four of whom were pretty badly beaten up.
 Topiaht it is said that gang of be- tween 200 and 300 will meet here. Some are coming from Cslifornis snd are CD route east. the others are from the east and are headed westward. Their last rendezvous wss Ell Psso. According to the Information given out by the brsth- ren, etop is to be made bere by both parties spd R union of the forces take plsce. There is iine material for chain gang in the jail now aud should be made use of.
 If it be true that 90 many will arrive bere tonight it will tex the best efforts of the city authorities to take care of them. They are said to be Q we'll or gsnized ard dangerous gang. Citizens will do we'll to keep look out for them.
Arizona weekly citizen., 1896-11-28
&.

very first elopement club ever organiz- cd. It is composed of young ladies and the number is limited to seven, end up- on marriage membership ceases. The following rules govern the organization :
 Thls organization shall be oalled "The H. P. Eiopement Club"
 Absolute secrecy as to time and par ticuIsrs of eiopeuent shsll be msintsin- ed, even between members.
 Membership shsll be limited to seven and shall cesse the moment the wedding rina is placed on true sisters finger.
 The older the man inveigled into elop- ing the more credit shall bs gwen the departing sister.
 Boys under IS are not to be consider- ed responsible.
 Milwaukee is the Gretns Green pre-. fersble.
 Trunks and troussssus absolutely for. bidden.
 Long weddiog trips are also barred.
 The D. nslty for being Q member for longer than two years ,s expulsion.
 Each departing member shsil suggest e sister to take her place.
Arizona weekly citizen., 1896-11-28
AsuPPosED FLYING MACHINE
Cr.atss Much Intsrsst In the Neigh borhood of Sacramento and
 Oakland.


 Oakland.
 SAN FRANcisCo, Cal, Roy. 24-Tbe 10 ventor of the mysterious air ship which hay been puzzling local scientists and others for the psst week, is believed to be one "Dr. E. H. Benjamin, an alleged dentiet who has occupied rooms in an E,lie street lodging house for the past two yeare, but SO far he has successfully y evaded aIl attempts to discover his iden- tity. He attorney, Collins, when seen yesterday, and pressed to tell furtber about the alleged invention aud hue ma chlnery, esid this morning: "The in- ventor came to my office. iu the CrO'k' building, s-d told me h- had tettsd the merits of the ship in last DiRhts storm with the greatest euccase. The wind currents were very contrary, and the teet was one that tried tbe merits of the machine iu the hardest possble manDer, but it csme out of the ordeal in good or der, having breasted the storm ss well ss any bird He stsrted from the local ity where the vessel is housed and 6ea over Alcstrsz and out through the Col den Gate, skirtine the Cliff house ard returning by the same route acro-s t. @ bay He lowered over the eesl rocks for fully ten minutes and played his search light ou the seals. His intention is to make another 'rip this evening, probably over the same ground, running or his return trip as far as Sacramento"
 A dispatch vas received from Sacrs- mento last night to .he effect that bun- dreds of people there had sgain seen the mysterious meteor in the heavens, but as yet DO one had been able to zee the object sufficiently we'll to state definitely what it is.