davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
A WITTY PROBATE.

The stories that are told of Arch
bishop Ryan's wit would fill small
volume. A well-known priest called
upon him one day to ask for vaca-
ton on the ground that his health re-
Quired it. AS he was noted for his
frequent absences from his parish, the
prelate could not let slip the opportuni-
ty. He granted the leave of absence
promptly, with recommendation:
THE physicians say that you need d
change OF air, father?" "They do, your
grace" How would 1t do, then, to try
the air of your parish for month or
two as a changer" He demonstrated
with priest whose silk hat had seen
its best days before the war. II would
not give up that hat for twenty new
ones" said the priest. ut belonged to
my father, who fell in the rising Of
49," "And evidently fell on the hat"
said the archbishop.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
MORE OR LESS HUMOROUS.

Fourthbell-"Your cook has been
with you a long time, has she not?"
Brownstone- have been with her
five years. Puck.
Mrs. Elmore-"I wonder how many
stops that new organ of De Smyth's has
got?" Elmore-"Only three, should
Judge. One for each meal. "-Buffalo
Times.
First Traveler-"Does the train stop
here long enough to let you get some
thing to eat?" Second Traveller" No;
just long enough to let you pay for
what you order" -Tit-Bi
Traveller Cat the restaurant)-"These
sandwiches are fearfully SMALL" Res
taurant keeper-"What's the differ
ence? The trains only wait here one
minute. Port Jervis Gazette.
II suppose you know all about the
financial question:" said the intimate
friend. 81 don't say that 1 know all
about it," replied the candidate, "but
1 know enough not to talk about it,
Washington Star.
"You don't need any return check"
said the doorkeeper. I'll know york
face when you come back" 81 don't
know whether you will or not" said
the man. "The bar-keeper / am going
to stand off for my drink is about TWEEN
ty pounds heavier than am."-India-
napolis Journal.
Ragged Haggard (musingly)-"Dis
gamblin' In stocks is mighty risky bus
mess; to-day you make t'ousand dol
lars an tomorrow you lose twice as
much" Wabbly Walker (who has
bullying brow)-"f dat's de way it goes
I've got scheme dat will beat de
game" what is it," Gamble to-
day and lay off tomorrow. New York
World.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

The Chinese do everything the
wrong way according to our views
Their compass points to the south In
stead of the north.
The men wear skirts and the women
wear trousers; the men wear their hair
long, while the women coil theirs into
q knot.
The dressmakers are men, and wom-
en- carry the burdens.
The spoken language is not written
and the written language is not spoken.
Books are read backward and any
notes are inserted at the top.
White is used for mourning and
bridesmaids always wear black, and in
stead of being young maidens are old
women.
The Chinese surname comes FIRST and
they shake their own hand instead OF
the hand of the person introduced
Vessels are launched sidewise and
horses are mounted from the off side.
They commence their dinner with
dessert and end with soup and fish,
Chicago News.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
BLAcKMAlL AS A BUSINESS.
Examples That show ItG Great Develop
mont In England.


mont in England.
There are in the west end Of Lon
don some half-dozen places where the
servants, male and female, of the
wealthy congregate in their hours of
leisure, says Cassell's Saturday Journal.
Some Of these are devoted to mems
and women's use respectively; at others
"Jeames" meets Jane. Each rendezvous
is patronized by its own particular lit
tie clique. An outsider" attending
one of these gatherings would be at
once struck by peculiar feature. Amid
the buzz of conversation on all sides
would be heard the repetition of famous
names.
The business, the fads and the fol-
lies of my lord" and cher ladyship''
are discussed with a freedom that
strikes the generator Of the aristocracy
as being little short of sacrilegious.
This circumstance is turned frequently
to nefarious but profitable account by
an individual who, in the guise of a
bona-fide servant, turks often amid the
throng. Skeletons exist in not a small
number Of guided cupboards. Their
presence once suspected, ingenuity and
shrewd cunning soon turn mere con-
lecture into evidence-supported fact.
The Matchmaking valet or ladys maid
is recognized terror to society. A
season or two ago the personal servant
Of well-knOwn man, having a nice
little sum, resolved to purchase small
country public house. Chatting one day
with a colleague casually encountered,
the stranger declared he knew of the
very thing. Growing confidential over
their glasses the valet foolishly limited
that his master was not altogether the
saint he was usually set down as. The
blackmailer chuckled. He went dill
gently to work to find an investment
for the valet, and when he succeeded,
made bargain that in return for his
services he should be recommended for
the vacant place. He got 1t and at once
commenced to pry into his masters
affairs. Bit by bit he learned the gen.
tlemans whole history, gathered proof
Of various things not to his credit, and
then one evening, just prior to his mas
ter's marriage to lady of position, he
confronted him in his own study, men
toned the evidence he was in possess
sion of and demanded $500 as the price
Of his silence. And the money was paid
on condition that the man leave Eng
land
Substantial as was the amount thus
extorted, it is not every victim that
escapes even thus cheaply. Sacrifices
yet dearer than the making of monetary
payments are sometimes called for by
the blackmailer's demands. Not a
great while back gentleman Of posi-
ton poisoned himself. Reason for his
so doing there appeared to be none.
On the death of an old servant of his,
however the whole truth came out.
The man had, it seems, faithfully
served his master.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
A Tandem Shooting Match,

In western New York a novel target
shooting match took place recently, in
which the contestants were mounted
upon tandem bicycles. The partici-
pants in the match occupied the front
seats, while their assistants occupied
the rear seats and managed the wheels.
Targets were thrown into the air from
traps in front of the wheel, and so ac-
curate was the aim Of the winner that
he scored IS out Of 20. This is probab-
ly the first tandem shooting match en-
record, although there are number of
trick riders who make speciality of
breaking glass balls while in motion
on their wheels.-New YaHf Press.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

stratton at present is not attempting
to live up to his income. His oficsa
are of the most unpretentious nature
and he secludes himself in order Ia
keep off the beggars. For some weeks
he had to have policeman about his
home at Cripple Creek to keep the
crowd away from him, and his private
secretary says that he receives about
200 begging letters day. He is not
a mean man, but he has no idea Of the
possibilities nor the pleasure Of giving.
His charities so far have been purely
individual, and in most cases to his
friends. Not long ago his driver saved
his life and that Of his sister by keep
ing the horses in the road during an
attempted runaway. At the end of the
drive Stratton gave the man a check
for $1,000. He has given his wife, who
is separated from him, $4,000.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
Few sunutrokss in Japan.

This is my first visit to America
and l am delighted with everything but
the weather." said Mr.. T. X. Date, a
bright young Japanese gentleman. II
am greatly astonished to read in your
papers Of the numbers of people who
die from excessive heat. In Tokyo we
have three months of very hot weather.
just about the sort that you have in
Washington, but it is rare thing for
any of my countrymen to expire from
sunstroke. / think one reason that
such deaths are infrequent in Japan is
that the people dress in much lighter
clothing than they do in the United
States. They also are more temperate
in the matter of food and drink, eat
ing no meats and drinking no very
ardent spirits. The rice beer that the
natives make contains some percentage
Of alcohol, but it isn't strong enough
to do much hurt. "-WashingtOn Post.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

New Orleans enjoyed practical test
Of the anti-high-hat law in theaters
last week and It was said to have been
a most satisfactory experiment, the fair
patrons handing over their precious
headgear without murmur. The I'M
suspecting men, however, who are now
congratulating themselves that they
will now be able to seesomethlng beside
the top of the scenes forget that this 10
the end of the summer, and all the pet
pink roses are faded anyway. Just
wait till the winter styles come on, and
all the militia in Louisiana won't be
able to prevail upon the dear ladies to
discard their mountains Of feathers
and bows.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
THIs GHOST WAS A Real ONE.
Capt. Steve" turned Pale at the APP
partition in the Fog.

partition in the Fog
Many years ago, before Mr.. Grum-
mond had become the owner Of feet
and controlled 1t from an office In this
city, he was navigator of the waters
of the great lakes and was known all
the way from Buffalo to Duluth as
Capt. Steve" says the Detroit Journal.
Steamboats, burned wood in those
days and up near Sarnia, on the Cana
dian side, there was wood station
known as Corona and the proprietor
OF the dock was man named Baxter
man as small as Grummond was
large. The two were warm personal
friends and for years the captain had
made 1t a point to be short of wood
whenever he. neared Bakers dock.
One day the captain was upward
bound, had a hold full of fuel and went
steaming by without stopping. On his
previous downward trip he had found
Baxter quite i'll and was on the look
out for him. He Rugged the Canadian
shore, but when he came abreast the
dock could not descry the figure of his
friend among the piles of wood. 9th
ers were there and the captain made
a trumpet Of his hands and hailed:
Where's Baxter?"
The reply came but indistinctly to
his ears, but he heard the unwelcome
words:
Dead, Buried yesterday"
The captain was shocked by the in
telligence and was remarkably quiet
for a sailor on that trip. When be
neared Corona on his return he whis-
tied for a landing and remarked that
while the crew was getting hold of
wood aboard he would go up to the
house, learn the circumstances of Bax-
ter's death and speak few consoling
words to the widow.
1t was dark when the steamer
reached the dock, and 1t was also fog
gy. Even the outlines of a pile Of wood
could not be discerned six feet away,
and when the captain stepped ashore
to make a selection he called for Ian
tern.
Everybody knows the peculiar shapes
objects take on when swathed in fog,
weird and grotesque, even though in
distinct. The captain walked yalongqa
pile to it's far end and then raised the
lantern above his head to see the
height Of the pile and estimate the
number of cords it contained. AS he
did so there appeared beneath his up
raised arm the dim outlines Of a male
figure, the features CHASTITY pale in the
gray Of the fog, but beyond question
the features Of the dead Baxter.
Capt. Grummond used to say that he
was never so frightened in his life. He
dropped the lantern, staggered back
ward, caught heel against an OBJ
struction and fell. Somebody picked
up both him and the light. 1t was
Baxter.
The mystery lay in the fact that the
man upon the dock had announced
the death and burial Of Mrs Baxter as
sufficient reply to the hail of Capt,
Grummond as he was upward bound.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Mr.. and Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt,
yr., who were said a short time ago to
have been cut off by the groom's par
ents from his share Of the family chat
tells, sailed to Europe armed with o
maid, twenty-five trunks and two bicy-
cles, all crowded into the shamefully
Cramped space Of stateroom only
twenty times as large as the usual
lstateroom. Still there are lots Of
brides and grooms in this world who
say that they would be rash enough to
pe willing to be cut off with shilling
II the shilling was really as large as
the shilling given to young Vanderbilt
seems to have been.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

France is trying to encourage second
marriages, because statistics show that
more widows and widowers commit
suicide than either married people or
those individuals who have never en-
tered upon the marital experience. It
10 barely possible, however, that these
bereaved creatures are so afraid that
they may again be rash enough to take
upon them the coniugal yoke that they
prefer laudanum and the Seine.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

The plant producing the cocoa OF
commerce is tree seldom grown to a
height greater than seventeen or eight
cen feet, but is sometimes known to
reach a height Of thirty feet. 1t is
known to botanists as theobroma ca
Gao. 1t bears an oblong fruit, ribbed
longitudinally, measuring from six to
ten inches
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
A Boy, bicycle Lawn mousr.

never walk about in the town with
out being impressed with the ingenuity
of the small boy. A few afternoons ago
l was passing house out on the road
to the Soldiers Home. 1t was rather
handsome house, with a wide sweep
of velvety lawn, windingly intersected
by cement driveway. A boy of about
IA was cutting the narrow fringe of
grass beside the driveway. He was
mounted on a bicycle, and as he rode
ne pushed the lawn mower along be-
side him. OF course, it was much hard
er work than walking with the grass
cutter would have been and deal
slower in the doing, but no real live
boy is ever going to let such trifling
considerations as those have weight
with him.-Washington Post.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Chris Sanders, living near Hampton,
Iowa, saw Miss Stackhouse and Miss
Bell Smith out walking. Imagining that
because the young women wore Larger
sleeved dresses they we're birds, he dis
charged at them both barrels of the
shotgun he was carrying. Sanders
isn't the first man to think girl a bird,
but he is the first to try to WOO with a
shotgun,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

For long time Parlsians have been
spared the spectacle Of persons throw
ing themselves from the tops Of the
high monuments, such as the Ven
dome and Bastile columns. Now this
craze Of suicides has started afreshy
Some days ago young woman mount
ed to the platform between the towers
of Notre Dame, deliberately climbed
the parapet and threw herself over.
Death was instantaneous.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

The Leap Year club OF Waco, KY,
composed of nine girls, is all broken
up. 1t came about over young bach
elor merchant, whom some Of the
members Of the club were teasing for
not getting married, II will marry the
one of you," said he, "who on secret
vote, you elect to be my wife" The
girls held meeting, the ballots were
distributed, but 10! when the count
came 1t was found that each girl had
received one vote. Mr.. Taylor remains
a bachelor, the club has disbanded, and
the girls, it is said, are all mortal cne-
mics.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
x Rays Proved Him Sane.

A Hamburg young man has just had
his sanity proved by the Roentgen rays.
He declared ten years ago that he had
a bullet in his head, which he had fired
into it in trying to commit suicide.
He complained of pain, and, as he ct
tackled his keepers and the doctors
could find no trace of a wound, was
locked up as dangerous lunatic. The
Roentgen rays have now shown the ex-
act place of the bullet.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
LUMINOUS GOWNS.
THEY MAY SOON BE FASHION,
ABLE FOR WOMEN.


STARTLING revo-
luton in fashion
able dressmaking
has been made pos
sible by the recent
discovery in
France OF a highly
luminous powder,
by the use of
which the most
elaborate toilets Of
the past will be
eclipsed.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

/ AT the funeral Of Nlcolls F. Crouch
at Baltimore recently a choir SUNG
his famous song, Kathleen Mavour-
neen" over his grave. The song lived
longer than Its author and will appeal
to thousands long after Its composer ia
forgotten. AtI'
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
mat hypnotism produces dieeape OF

That hyDnotism produces disease OF
the cerebral cortex-the most import
ant part Of the brain-has Just been
asserted by an eminent Washington
scientist. A more vital argument
against the practice is, that it places
mind and will under the control Of
another. No second person has the
moral right to WELD that power unless
direct necessity compels 1t, and no man
or woman under ordinary circumstances
can be morally justified in comforting It.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Two prominent citizens Of Columbus,
Ohio, got into a political discussion the
other day which resulted in one shoot
ing the other. A hum6rist remarked
that it was IAN opening gun Of the
campaign"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
A swarm Of Moths.

A peculiar occurrence, of interest to
entomologists, was to be observed in
the yard of the postofice, between Hill
street and Pinfold street, Birmingham,
early one morning. The place was be-
sieged with moths, which gathered in
all accessible places, and cirCied wildly
round the brilliant lights. The num-
Der of different species, of all sizes and
color, was considerable.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

A colored man OF Indianapolis has
been arrested for the eighth time for
stealing oats. He never steals any,
thing else, and he has come to be
known as "Oats Powell"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

HE story Of Mr.. w.
S. Stratton, a Grip
pie Creek gold mine
owner, is like a
tale from Arabian
Nights. Mr.. STRAIT
ton owns the great
Independence mine
which has been
turning out nearly
$4,000 a day for the
past year, and in
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

As to the smashing Of the large
cheese box which was known in Fan
zibar as the sultan's palace, 1t was mag
nifcent, but 1t was not war.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Now that the Spanish government
has Endorsed Gen. Weyler's conduct no
further ignominy should be hurled at
him.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

! Miss Thurlow wants 100000 for hav-
ing been Chewing Gum Adams rrtu
frutti.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Some people try to apologize for the
oceans angry roar because II has been
crossed 30 often.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24
LIKE A MONTE GRISTO.
STRATTONS GREAT LUCK AT
CRIPPLE CREEK.

FOUND Gold at Grass Roots--For Many
Years He Wandered Over tho Hills of
Colorado, Poor M n MouHe, Looking
for Pay Dirt-struck 1t Rich Mt Last.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

1t is an excellent thing to be able
TO sing we'll, and the next best thing
is to know you can't.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

straws showing which way the po-
litical winds blow are beginning 10 I'LL
the air.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Popularity is generally the creature
Of accident, and comes and goes as the
wind blows.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Paradoxically A. T. Stewards success.
soN failed to succeed.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Trying to be happy is like trying to
go to sleep. You will not succeed UNI
less you forget that you are trying.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Bald Khalid was in the past tense
anyhow.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-09-24

Aoa sss..ls ... q. l.as s. ai Is IS. l.aa
The San Francisco call., 1896-02-20

Santa Barbara--12 pkgs mdse. 25 SKIS wool, 4S
bxs lemons, i bxs oranges.
Gavota-2 bdls pelts. cs eggs, Al SKIS crawfish.
Port Harford-5 pkgs mdse cs cheese, lI13
bxs butter % cs eggs 20 bxs fish.
Cayucos-2 kegs So bxs butter, IL cs eggs, pkg
mdse &c dressed calves.
San Simeon-2 tubs 5212 bxs butter 61a cs eggs,
3 coops chickens. coop ducks, coop turkeys, 4
pkgs mdSe, 4 bxs fish, 80 dressed calves, "a bales
seaweed. 4 SKIS abaloneS.
Santa Cruz-4 bxs fish, bIs butter.
GUAYMAS-Per Willamette Vailey-4O pkgs
leather, 19 pkgs mdse 2442 SKIS ore pkgs furni-
ture. pkg rugs, % bbs wine, cs sewing ma
chimes, l pkg sks cs Mexican dollars. ~ SKIS
damiena, l2S bdlS dry hides, 40S bdlS hides,
8 bbls deerskins, SKIS beeswax, 429 pkgs salt
hides, 80 pkgs shells, 5S pkgs pearl shells, bdl
gold bullion. pkgs gold coin. AS bars silver bull
lion bdls Ixtle, bXs oranges, pkg mdse, ok
so bags shrimps. 273 b1s tomatoes, 2 b5s chill
peppers. bx feathers, 2l3 fresh hides. 244 pcs
wood SS SKIS bark, Is SKIS sugar bags preclpitates
OF silver. II bars silver and gold bullion, SKIS hair,
Is cs skins, SKIS saltpeter, 40 turtles, 4O7 odls
orchilla. 1 cs lemons. cs cheese SIX minerals.
HUENEME-Per E1celsor-S33 SKIS corn, 6494
SKIS barley.
Per Willamette Valley-Thannhauser Co; w
Loaiza & Co; Tetzen Candelaria Con Mexican
Mining Co; J Haggin: l. Lastrcto: Ruther S
Co: Sprague u Williams: Thedeman d Delus;
Selby Smelting am Lead Co; Wells. Fargo IL co: G
Singer Mfg Co; Theo Hermann II Co; Cabrera,
Roma & Co; II Lund & Co; IndiaDapolis Furni-
ture Co; Mr. GlaSer; Hongkong and Shanghai
Bank; A Lew dS Co: y Paladini; Cutie; Meyer,
Wilson d. Co: San Vincente Mig Co.
Per rEureka-Campodonico dS Malcolm; i Mel
don: McDonough IL Runyon: L Scatena IL Co:
Cleveland; Biagi & Co. Newmark & Edwards;
kowalsky q Co.. Gray & Barbieri G II Peck; Joan
a Roebling's Son; Hooker S Co; NJ Ehrman d Co:
A Pallies: National Brewery; Wood, Curtis & Co;
Allen d Lewis; American Union Fish Co; Immel q
co; } NJ Moore; c Parkin; Lievre Fricke & Co:
Shoobert, Beale q Co; ] Ivancovich tS Co; Ereson;
A Levy & Co: Enterprise Brewery: J Demartni;
Blssinger& d Co; Hilmer, Bredhoff q Schulz; e
Prngie; Dodge, Sweeney & Co; Hickman & Co;
Stutz d Co; NJ Henneman; T II Varney \
Wyss; Witzel & Baker; Wheaton. Breon t Co;
GuSman1: IL kirchmann 6c Co: G. Camiloni e Co:
Z r w hltney & Co; Milani Il Coz o Smith & Co;
brigham, Hoppe Il Co; Dairymen's Union: Golden
west Fish Co: Labor Exchange: GetZ Bros & Co;
kohler & Chase; w Mitchell; De Bernardo & Co;
san francisco Fish Co: Western Meat Co; 6 Rossi:
Il Stone q Co: Wieland Brewing Co: Pioneer
Fish Co; Marshall Teggart II Co; II y Tilden & Co:
Chas Montgomery Il Co; Eveleth & Nash: Poultry
mems Union; SchweitZer 81 Co: A X Stevens: "
ID NlrsIlio: Brunswick: Hoffman; Chas Jacob
SOD; Brunswick.
Per Excelsior-A Gerberding & Co; Chas Bard;
Field & stone: Milling Co.