Mohave County miner., 1896-05-09
4 Town for Kicksrs.


 An advertising wnter sends the fol. lowing letter to Printers Ink. The writer gives the name of the town from which the communication was received as Newark, s. D It 30 closely Ats, King. man that we believe he made mistake in the address:
 NEWARK, s. D., April l3, '98.
 DEAR srR--I have received your favor of the 7ih inst f8s
 If were called upon to decide should say that you need have no fear of being unable 10 make your own advertisements pay. This is no fsttery, but plain and honest expression of my opinion. I would not hesitate to contract with you for your services, if my situation were such as to warrant it.. To make this plain to you will as briefly as possible take you into any confidence.
 This village is ten years old It was originally "Isid out" for city of 5000. It attained its culminating glory about eight years ago, with perhaps 3O0 inhsb. itants. It was then a cross between mining camp (ss l imagine) and that famous municipality known as Podunk Center. It contains twe or three gen. erai stores, two or three wide open sa- looms, two red hot weekly newspapers of opposing political faiths, drug store, hardware, harness and furniture stores, two real estate concerns, an alleged bank, two ditto hotels, two trunk lines of rail. way (projscted) roller mills of the bonus variety, some retired wheat spectators. promoters and attendants.
 There was . brass band, baseball nine and race course for horse racing in the town. It was reputed "live burg"
 Now how are the mighty ialleni I have just concluded mental census and find that the population stands at 29. Lots that fetched 200$s iront foot go begging at los per acre. keep the only "store" in the place, and the two air lines of railway are still in the air We are on branch of the Fl. & D. branch of the Milwaukee road and are served by mixed train three times a week The local railway agent has become residuary legatee of the roller mills, two newspa pers, alleged bank and retired specula- tors. Six other villages can easily be viewed from where I sit, on three differ ent systems of railway, all conducting tri weekly mixed trains whose chief duty is to avoid making connections with one another. These six villages resemble Newark closely in all but name.
 My capital texcept what lies inferred in various forms of Newark real or per. sonsl hereditsment) is invested in 2, 3,0OO$ worth of merchandise. embracing every. thing vendible, from Easter bonnets to ten penny nails. I have an equal amount invested in the horny handed sons of toil who farm the broad acres round about me, punctually sending my cash away to Montgomery Ward & O., and coming in at regular intervals to "stand me ofs' for another pound of tobacco. My sales are close to 5,OOO$ per snnum, including barter for butter and eggs. The bulk of the sales is su. gar, coffee, soap, oil and tobacco, on which competitions, the life of trade, has carved down the profits to zero. The in. telligent merchant princes of the six neighboring villages Gall similarly stu ated) regard me and one another with the most deadly hatred, each taking keen pleasure in the brilliant coups ex. ecuted by the elusive dsadoeat upon all except himself.
 It has often occurred to me that provi- dence had some wise purpose to serve when she brought forth Newark and the six surrounding villages with their six merchant princes, on the three branch roads with the tri.veekly mixed trains. But when she located me in Newark I fear she made a error. If had nor. tsl enemy in the world, and if I were terribly vindictive to boot, shouId Icy a deep dark plot to bestow upon him this stock and store and goodwill and make of him merchant prince of the six neighboring villages on the three branch rosds, etc.
 would then seek sinecure situation ceiling space for hotel register.
 Yours truly, c. c. PETERSON.
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