Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-03-30
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.

liz lIltIt OlDh WI LII Ls
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
CalcuIation-Value
of Training-Mean. Thing-Proof
Beforehand, ETC., Etc.
.'These problems in arithmetic
Are narrowing, VOW.
Last leap year she was thirty,
And she's twenty-seven now.
Washington Star,
HIS CALCULATION.
Inspector "You don't carry enough
life preservers.
Steamboat Man-"Oh, guess there
are enough for the people who would
think of them in an emer gcncy, -
Puck.
MEAN THING.
81 took out $4,000 insurance on
my life to-day" said the meek man.
"I suppose you will live for sixty
or seventy years now," said his wife
in an agrieved tone.-Indianapolis
Journal.
Bridegroom-"My friend Meakes
says he is afraid you didn't like his
wedding present"
Bride" "Certainly l did Why, I
kept it a whole month before l ex-
changed It'll"
VALUE OF TRAINING.
She'll shouldn't think such a So
ciety man as you would care about
football"
He-'I have to keep in training as
q matter of necessity. When / go to
receptions it helps me to get down to
supper first. "-Tid-Bits.
REFINED CRUELTY.
Employer (kindly)-"You arc be-
coming very round -shouldered, Mr..
Faithful"
Bookkeeper with hopes of holi'
day)-"Yes, 1 fear that | am"
Employer (solicitously) - "Hadn't
you better stop riding bicycle?"-
Boston Post.
BEFOREHAND.
He-"That little brother of yoursis
rather bright, isn't he? He told me
Just now he should expect quarter il
l kissed you"
She-"The wretch! You didn'tgive
him anything, did you?"
Hell gave him dollar in ad-
vance."-Puck.
WANTED SQUARE DEAL.
DIR. Kilsum-"Now, Freddy. if
you're good boy and swallow this
medicine, I'll give you dime"
Freddy-"Not much you won'tl
Dad says you charge him five dollars
every time you come here; SO if you
want me to help you out you'll have
To go halves. Puck.
THERE WAS CAUSE.
"You have fastened the windows,
dear?" sho asked ns they were about
to retire for the night
"No; what's the use? gave you
the last dollar had to buy that hat,
and We needn't fear burglars"
but they might sit down on my
hat, you know. Detroit Free Press.
POINT IN ETIQUETTE.
Yabsley-"Say. when follow calls
on girl, shouli he leave his hat and
cane in the hall, or take them into the
parlor?"
Mudge-"Well, if the girl is living
in boarding house, and the hat and
cane are worth anything, think he
had better hang on to them. In
dianapolis journal.
A PARALLEL CASE.
Tommie-"You know when you was
sick last summer the doctor sent you
away for awhile-said change would
do you goodP"
"Mrs. Figg-"Yes.
81 wonder if wouldn't feel better
if was took out of school awhile and
sent to the theatre every day instead?"
indianapolis Journal.
TO SOME EXTENT.
"Seen Bill Brown when was up to
town." said the man with the gum
boots, settling himself on the salt bar.
rel "Conductin' street car"
81 thought Bill was goin' into bust
ness for hisself," said the grocer.
"Wal, allow he is to some extent,
but the company amt got onto it
yet."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
HER KIND WORD.
"Mr. Blykins thinks ho knows q
great DEAL" said one girl.
"Yes," replied her kind-hearted
friend, "but you can't deny that ho
has some intellectual power"
81 haven't observed it."