Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1896-12-18
UP SALT RIVER AND RETURN
A Spicy Letter Relating the Voy-
age.
What Our Correspondent saw-Who He
Met and the Talks They Had
Little Pleasantly on
the Trip.

Little Pleasantly on
the Trip.
| Especial Correspondence to the PREss)
Yes, the editor thinks 1 have
slipped a cog, but you just watch
me while / cure him of that notion.
In fact I only slipped up Salt river,
and this is evidence that 1 have safely
returned. What we saw or heard
on that melancholy trip would fill a
big book, and if it had not been that
we metand saw many of our fellows,
even to my brother-in-law, the San
dyston Boss, who was laid out much
more thoroughly than 1 was, the
tedium of the trip would have been
unbearable. So true is it that find
ing companions in adversely tends
to mitigate. our own sorrows. But
we must tell you some of the incid-
ents Of the trip that may in a man.
ner serve to dispel any lurking
doubts that we were actually there.
Our start was in good style, on the
boat called 4" Bryan's Sandyston
Majority, No. 49," but this one
seemed likely to peter out, so we
changed to a boat called Address
Sandys ton Majority, No. no." Both
boats seemed to labor against the
briny current, probably owing to too
much Pitney and Rude ballast. We
soon had company for who should
pop up but 4" Deacon :" Slater, with
tears in his eyes, and quavering
voice, as he walled, " Sandyston did
the business for me-" We did not
feel much sympathy for the d" Dea-
con for we told him before cleo
ton that the Deming- Van Sickle
letters were a little like a breech
burnt gun, and he had better not
monkey with it, or words to that eff
feet but suppose he didn't think
it was loaded. That is the kind OF
gun that always goes off, and this
one did hence the deacon s " triI
up the briny. Soon a great whirl.
ing and clatter came up from dowr
stream, and fearing it was a through
steamer with the whole Nationa.
Democratic party on board, we drew
toward shore and calmly awaited its
appearance. Coming into view il
looked like one of Don Quixote' s
wind mills. but only turned out to
be "Boss " Kintner on his merry.
go-round. They hadn't parted
company even in his adversity. He
explained his predicament by moan.
ing that he thought it might be a
malarious country up this way SC
had fed a little Jersey lightning tc
his machine, and it was acting a lit
tie queer in fact reminded him OF
snaix. says, sez L, Boss, what
brings you up here Since Bryan
went to the top, and Address was
elected, l thought you would wear
the laurel crown. He says, sez he,
Brother-in-law, Jake and Wash let
me have few votes, but between
you and me they are too darned
stingy with them, and l didn't get
enough to save my reputation as a
boss, but he didn t swear of course,
for he is attending church now reg
ular, and will soon be deacon him
self like friend Slater. The bo IS
says, sez he, brother-in -in-law, l don I
just know whether l am given the
turn down or no, but if ever I get
back I'll give my brother the tip to
get into the shoe factory, while ]
set a trap for the burglars in my
slaughter house. Perhaps. can
work another claim on my father s
farm and join the church. If this
don't bring me into the swim again,
then l don't look like David B. Hill.
So with brown taste in his mouth,
and his eyes, and moustache droop-
ing to the ground, the boss and the
merry -go-round slowly revolved up
the briny current. Soon along
comes a dude-looking fellow with
about the same cast of countenance
as the boss just gone by, and to him
1 says, sez l, are you into the process
sion too He says, sez he, sure,
about eleven hundred dollars worth,
and only part paid. How is that,
sez He says, sez he, my P. o.
cost me 81, 100 under friend Cleve
land, and now Mckinley is no kin
to me he will give me the cold
hand sure. give you my SYM
pathy, SEE 1, but he says, sez he,
am afraid that sympathy will moi
pay the balance that 1 owe. 81
long, sez 1. So long, sez he, sanC
pushing his spectacles down on his
nose he gently meandered up the
current. About this time the bosses
two deputies came along pulling al
even oar and keeping a sharp eye Oh
each other 1 saws aez / hOvs ths