Birmingham state herald. (Birmingham, Ala.) 1895-1897, 1896-05-17
Played a Good Joke on the Par
son.
RESULTING COMPLICATIONS
Made Fool of the Poor Dominic, and Mr..
Spenser Thought He Had Gone
Clear Crazy.


summer had seen him in church, and
I didn't like him. His sermons were a
combination of bad English and an ON
niscient patronage of everything on
heaven or earth. The old church had
been improved with modern dadoes and
one or two Geographic old paintings. APP
parently he was one of those 1ater-decor-
ated clergymen who were invented about
fifty years ago and pose as medieval
antiques. The squire had told me at din
ner night or two before that Mr.. Main
warlng was also most disagreeable per-
son in private. The man possessed an
idea that 1t was his duty to call on all
his parishioners in the capacity of a con-
lessor and spiritual adviser, whatever
their age or station In life might be. The
not unnatural consequence was that the
Squire and he were not on speaking
terms. Theoretically, perhaps, Mr.. Nam
wafing may have had something to say
In favor of his idea, but whether it Is
that a latent soup-ticket in the back
ground makes difference in the welcome
accorded to religious visits, or that edu-
gated Englishmen resent the discussion
Of anything that they feel deeply, DIS
frict visiting among well-to-do people Is
not exactly a. practicable plan. At any
rate, I had no wish for an interview of
the kind, and I felt some apprehension
when I was informed after lunch one day
that Mr.. Mainwaring had called and
wished to see me alone. / told the SER
want to ask him to- come into my den.
How do you do Mr.. Mainwaring?" I
said. as cheerfully as I could. Have a
weed?"
mo, thank you; do not smoke" he
said, stiffiy
Jolly day, isn't it'll suggested.
Go aya lxn IT
remarks were slight, but fraught with
momentous intentions, and feared the
worst. M
Good for the harvest" went on, hur-
Tiedly. at first attempting to avert the in
Avitable.
II should say it is very good for the har-
vest" he said He had such an overload
ed look that / saw 1t was merely a matter
Of time when he would discharge himself.
There was pause, and then he cleared
his throat and began:
I,sr,o spen IS i you are in sense.
T reside in your parish at present. I
believe / said.
"A parish priest" he went on, "has du-
ties to perform which are unpleasant,
but ought to be performed"
i've often thought" said, that bur-
Gals in cold weather must be most disa-
Ereeable."
II was not referring to burials." he pur-
sued; IT was thinking of duties which
are, at present, fear, neglected by many
priests. but which consider of the high
est Importance mean the duty of WIS.,
iting their parishioners and of speaking
to them privately on matters on which 1t
Is impossible to dwell in the pulpit"
"Of course l answered, "it is good
thing for clergymen to get to know their
Congregations"
Pardon me-" he said, 81 fear you mis-
Rpprehend me. I do not mean social WIS.,
Its, but visits as parish priest"
"Yes? l answered, interroga lively.
II called yesterday" he said, land saw
Mrs Spenser"
had not heard of his visit; but don't
see very much of my wife when she's
busy in marrying her house party to
each other
''She spoke to me plainly he went on,
'very plainly. In fact, Mrs. Spenser
treated me as friend"
She generally behaves comparatively
decently to VISITORS" l said, for he was
beginning to annoy me.
at was in consequence of what she told
me that have called today he replied.
II wished to speak to you seriously"
''lpdeed?" / said. with some surprise.
II am not going to speak to you from a
religious point of view, Mr.. .Spenser," he
continued. You would probably, your
wife says, only sheer at me IL did SO.
Perhaps you will sneer at me In any case.
What / wish to say at present will be
entirely from moral and social stand
point"
looked at him In astonishment.
II gather from what Mrs. Spenser told
me-" he said, that your conduct to her IL
not what 1t should be-"
do you mean to tell me-" I asked.
that my wife complained to You about
ms?"
II am grieved to have. to say" he re-
piled. that she very wisely confined her
dificulties to me-"
May I ask the exact nature of these
dtfisculties?" said.
without any possibility of contradiction
that q husband should not ask burles-
que actress to stay In the house with his
wife agaipst her wish
IT'S there anything else that you'd like
20 say?', asked.
mrs. spenser also Informed me-" he
said slowly that you beat her in conse-
quence of her remonstrances
Ibid II" asked blankly.
'It IL possible you forget" said the
man with what he probably considered
sarcasm MRS. Spenser tells me lately
Ance."
Ibid you ever have blow on the head
or anything of that kind?" asked.
sYou may threaten me with personal
violence, II you please, he said: Il am
only doing what / consider my duty"
I'm not going to touch you" / re-
plied--he II about 5 feet CT mean, have
you ever had any disease of the brain?
Are you quite sane?"
II was not unprepared for ridicule," he
said "But hardly consider that 1t Is
q sign Of insanity to protest against such
treatment of your wife,
:, ct staring q aI% s| Y s ssz
never been addicted to burlesque ac-
tresses, much less to beating my wife
Eheq the door burst open and my niece.
neen5. rushed ID; A.
Il hope YOU'RE busy. old boy" she ex7
claimed; ITS such Q relief to me when
people don't want me. My photos have
Just come. / want to know which you
Ike, the one In costume, or the one with
est Oh, / don't mean exactly that"
vaA heRir01nG to think that ] must
Be In b n}ghtDoFe, fof4BoI3y doean't or
dinarfly talk to me In that way.
"HuIIoE she went on. turning to Mr..
MaInWaeIug. there's parDon. What
larkI Where did you piok him up. Jacks