Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-21
GOOD STORIES TOLD
ON CHICAGO LAWYERS.
Some Of the Amusing Incidents Which EnlVen the
Dreary Monotony Of Legal Procedure.

eloquent speech. Mr.. Trude, in order
10 dissipate the effect Of his opponents
speech upon the jury, found it neces-
sary to quote the language OF the ia
nous Athenian Pisistratus, which had
a direct bearing on the case. There he
stood with his hands in the air in a
pose truly dclsartian, when Mr.. Hynes,
who is an accomplished classical scho-
lar. affecting a look of ignorance,
quickly remarked:
IF the court please, no such witness
testified in the case"
Mr. Tvuda was, Of course. greatly dis
concerted. the judge jury and, court
spectators bursting out in a gutfaw OF
laughter at Mr.. Trude's situation.
ALL HE WANTED.
J. Emory Storrs lost "a dIvosce case by the
wit of his opponent. He had brought suit
for divorce on behalf of woman. who
asked for the possession of two children.
The husband made vigorous protest and
employed young lawyer Of ability TO de-
fend the suit.
The defense had the best case. so far as
the evidence went. but Mr.. Storrs made
one Of his Enthusiastically strong speech
es. with an eloquent plea on bchalt of the
mother and her two children. Tho effect
on the jury was apparent lie concluded
his speech with that trite exclamation Of
Patrick Henry. Give me liberty or give
me death"
The young attorney arose deliberately
and said:
ar t,,t1ter ,.,,, ,,,, civ, mo n ~loee of
water"
COULDN'T RETURN THE COMPLI-
MENT.
a story is related of w. S. Forrest, the
Well known Chicago criminal lawyer
who was retained in case before Judge
Williamson. 1t was the suit for damages
for personal injuries against the Milwau-
kee and st. Paul Railroad. Mr.. Forrest
represented the plaintiff; w. J. Hynes
the defendant The question in point
turned largely upon the arrangement Of
the roads tracks, switches and frogs. A
man named Maloney. assistant yardmas-
ter of the Milwaukee and St. Paul road
was on the witness stand. He was very
Important witness for the defenst. His
native brogue was rich and pronounced.
though he had been in this country many
years He was one of those who. when he
knew a thing. knew it thoroughly.
on the direct examination Maloney had
been laconic in his answers. This econ
omy Of words in his characteristic brogue
made Mr.. Forrest think he had an easy vic
tim on the cross-examination. but when
spurred by cross-questions the witnesses
no
uble. The more the Irishman was prodded
the hotter he became. although he did not
lose his head. but damaged the plaintiff $
case Mr.. Forrest saw the ground slip
ping from under him. and. like the good
cross-examiner he is. began to look for an
opening to drop the witness without fur
Their injury TO his case. He succeeded in
provoking a tarty reply from the witness
whereupon. thinking this his opportunity
waving his hand. he said. sarcastically:
THAT will do Mr.. Witness. You're very
smart aren't YOU
"OTd like Ia ratur-rn the cumplemant
Master Forrest ar OF want oonder
oath" quickly replied the witness. as he
left the stand.-St. Louis Republic.
THE JUDGE PUT THE MOTION.
A very funny story is told on James Ep-
Ter and Oscar Delew. both of whom enjoy
ed reputation for wit and humor during
their lifetime. In one of the townships
adjacent to Cook county the people elect
ed a new justice of the peace. He was a
man known for his strict application OF
parliamentary rules to everything posi-
BILE. having acted as president of many
small deliberative bodies in the township.
I'm fact. he was regarded in his precinct
as the prince of pro tempOres.' His
election was due to this fact. which han
brought him popularity. He was what
the craft called judge Of necessity. for
necessity knows no laws"
Among his first cases was ono Of trifing
importance-an assault Epler and De-
lew represented the defendant, ana a man
by tAe name OF Smith the prosecution.
Both sides announced they were ready FOR
trial Just as the court was about TO pro-
coed Mr.. Epler arose and said:
"If your honor please I move this case
be dismissed
Il second the motion" quickly put in
Mr. Delew.
Its moved and seconded that this case
10 tlStulSSets WIS pul ny tilt Npui
But. Your Honor" quickly interrupted
Mr. Smith. with great surprise at such
procedure.
Mr. Smith. this court has presided over
meetings before. aud IS thoroughly fan.l-
Jar with parliamentary procedure-it needs
no assistance from you in this matter"
"But. Your Honor"
"i shall hne you for contempt. Mr.
Smith. il you continue TO disturb this
court"
The court then put the question again
adding: "Au in favor OF tho motion will
rise" Eplcr and Delew and the prisoner
arose. Those opposed will rise" Smith
and the prosecutor arose.
THE motion is carried by a vote OF 3 20
. and the case is dismissed" declared the
MISUNDERSTANDING.