The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-02-28
HINTS TO TRAYELERs.
Kew the Meak Wanderer Should ConGue&
Hiznself when On the Rail.

AtInself When On the Rail.
The following hints and observations
have occurred to me during a recent trim
across the continent. They are written in
no spirit of complaint against existing
railroad methods, but merely in the hope
shat they may prove useful to those who
travel, like myself, in q spirit of meek,
observant Ignorance:
!. Sleeping in q Pullman car presents
some difficulties to the novice Care
should be taken to allay all sense of dan
ger. The frequent whistling of the engine
during the night is apt to be source of
alarm. Find out, therefore, before trav-
cling the meaning of the various whistles
One means station, % two railroad cross
ing" and so on. Five whistles, short and
rapid, mean sudden danger. When you
hear whistles in the night, sit up snsartly
in your bunk and count them. Should
they reach five draw on your trousers over
your pyjamas and leave the train instant
ly. AS further precautlon against acct
dent sleep with the feet toward the en-
CINE If you prefer to have the feet crushed,
OF with the head toward the engine if you
think it best to have the head crushed
In making this decision try to be as IN
selfish as possible. If Indifferent, sleep
crosswise, with the head hanging over into
the aisle.
2. 1 have devoted some thought to the
proper method OF changing trains. The
system which I have observed to be most
popular with travellers of my own class is
something as follows: Suppose that you
have been told on leaving New York that
you are to change at Kansas City. The
evening before approaching Kansas City
stop the conductor in the aisle of the car
you can do this best by putting out your
foot and tripping him-and say politely,
''Do change at Kansas Cityfh
He says, Yes
Very good. Don't believe him. On
going into the dining car for supper take
a negro aside and put il to him as g per-
sonal matter between a white man and a
black whether he thinks you ought to
change at Kansas City. Don't be satisfied
with this. In the course of the evening
pass through tho entire train from time to
time and say to people casually, sob, can
you tell me if change at Kansas City,"
Ask the conductor about it few more
times in the evening" A repetition of the
question will insure pleasant personal re-
lations with him. Before falling asleep
watch for his passage and ask him through
the curtains of your berth, 'tOh, by the
way, did you say ] changed at Kansas
Cityf" If he refuses to stop, hook him by
the neck with your walking stick and
draw him gently to your bedside. In the
morning when the train stops and man
calls, kansas City - all changel" ap-
proach the conductor again and say, "Is
this Kansas Cityf'' Don't be discouraged
at his answer. Pick yourself up and go
to the other end of the car and say to the
brakeman, "Do you know, sir, if this is
Kansas City?'' Don't be too easily con-
WINGED. Remember that both brakeman
and conductor may be in collision to de-
ceive you. Look round therefore for the
name of the station on the signboard.
Having found it, alight and ask the first
man you see if this is Kansas City. He
will answer: "Why, where in blank are
your blank eyes2 Can't you see it there,
plain as blank?'' When you hear language
of this sort, ask no more You are now
in Missouri, and this is Kansas City.
8. 1 have observed that it is now the
practice of the conductors to stick bits of
paper in the hats of the passengers. They
do this, l believe, to mark which ones
they like best. The device is pretty and
adds much to the scenic appearance Of
the car. But notice, with pain, that the
system is fraught with much trouble for
the conductors. The task of crushing two
or three passengers together in order to
reach over them and stick a ticket into
the chinks of silk skullcap, is EN- barrass-
ing for a conductor of refined feelings 1t
would be simpler if the conductor should
carry small hammer and packet OF
shingIe nails and nail the paid up passen
gor to the back of the seat, or, better still,
let the conductor carry small pot of paint
and brush and mark the passengers in
such q way that he cannot easily mistake
them. In the case of baldheaded passen-
gers the hats might be politely removed
| and red crosses painted on the craniulns.
This will indicate that they are bald.
/ Through passengers might be distinguish
| ed by a complete coat of paint. In the
| hands of a man of taste much might be
| effected by a little grouping of painted
! passengers and the leisure time OF the con-
| duc5or agreeably occupied.
4. have observed, in travelling in the
| west, that the irregularity of railroad &C.
| cidents is & fruitful cause of complaint
| The frequent disappointment of the hold
| ers of accident policy tickets on western
| roads in leading to widespread protest.
| Certainly the conditions of travel in the
| west are altering rapidly, and accidents
| can no longer be relied upon. This is
/ deeply to be regretted, in SD much as, apart
| from accidents, the tickets may be said to
/ be practically valueless. was brought in
| contact with one very sad case of a man
| whose mother-in-law had safely arrived IN
| Denver from the west almost on the same
| day that his I've surviving sons arrived IN
| safety from St. Louis. The case was a
| peculiarly distressing one, since for some
| time the unfortunate man had found his
sole means of support in sending his boys
I'D and down over this route,-Stephen
| Leacock in Truth.
| Very Dry.