davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald., 1896-05-10

Il, + \
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SOMETHING LIKE TACT.

A college principal who is a great gar
dener, wears a glaso eye. One day he--l'
being GUNNER. and he on his vacation
rushed in from the garden all soiled ond
spattered, ond without his glass eye. His
wife was seated with a caller of impor
tance. She perceived the external unftnesi
Of her husbands condition, and frigldly
said to him: 80 a.,
John, 20 at once to thealibrary and tel
your master Mrs - wishes to see him. >
He went and soon reappeared, clothed
eyed, and In his tight mind
The college principal, 1t Is plain, is him
self a man Of presence OF mind. There
are plenty Of men who, confronted by such
remark Of genius as this, would have
stared and faltered out: But, my dear.
and spoiled 1t all.
The herald., 1896-05-10

He had travelled through Sahara, braved the
dangers of the Nile;
Defeated enraged Mussulmans, and dined on
crocodile;
Knew everything Of politics. religion, and
the law;
Could box and fence. and row a race. and
please his mother-ic-law.
In short. had all the accomplishments Of
men both great and wise;
But he couldn't run a business. for ne
wouldn't advertise.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Angelna-That was a lovely engagement
ring you gave me last night dear; but what
do the initials E. c. mean on the inside?
Edwin (who has bestowed the ring before.
and had it back)-Why-er- is-dont
you know THAT IS the new way OF stamp
ing eighteen caras!
The herald., 1896-05-10

A man having announced that he was
once in community where they all minded
their own business, his statement was
doubted. and he was called upon to tell
where 1t was. 1T was on board ship at
sea-" he said. "and the passengers were
all too Ill to meddle with one another's af-
fairs"
The herald., 1896-05-10

ugh" said the Kickapoo Indian In a
tone of disgust.
"What is the matter, Swallowtail?" in
quired the trapper
big Iniun chase white man four miles.
Want scalp. Catch white man. White man
bald. Ugh''
The herald., 1896-05-10

II don't know what have done that Mrs.
James should dislike me So"
"Oh, you don't! Didn't she tell you
about how her baby was beginning to talk,
and didn't you change the subject?"
"Wel?"
"Weli'
The herald., 1896-05-10
Hubby. dear. I can't walt TO tell wi

Hubby. dear. can't walt to tell what
Pin going to buy you!'
Darling wife. what is it?'
L "Well, I'm going to get you a silver card
tray. a bronze Hercules for the mantel-
piece. and a now Persian rug to put in front
OF my dressing table What are you going
to do for me, Tootsy?"
1--WE been thinking. Jane. and have about
concluded to get you . new shaving brush. "
The herald., 1896-05-10

Mr.. Dunn UNPAID bill in his hand)-
When shall I call again, Mr.. Owens?
Mr.. Owens-Well. it would hardly be
proper for you to call again until 1 have
returned the present call.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Friend (being shown through the house)-
Do you think that the Use Of a gas stove
will increase your gas bill much?
| Mr.. Subbubs-Not a bit! The company
| doesn't know We have it.
The herald., 1896-05-10

She-Yes, they are engaged I know she
refused him twice, but the third time he
proposed she accepted him.
Her Husband-Serye him right.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Wife Oo her husband)--Arthur, love,
want you to give Jack good scolding to-
morrow mcrnng.
Husband--Wf.t for? l am perfectly sat
isfed with the fellow.
Wife-Weil. you know, he has to beat the
carpets tomorrow. and he strikes ever so
much harder when he's in bad temper
The herald., 1896-05-10

Employer-So you want a fortnight's sal
airy in advance? But suppose you should
die tonight?
Clerk (proudly)-Sir, may be poor, but
| am a gentleman.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Guest-How is this2 Mybill this time is
50 day, and last December had the same
room and 1t was only $3.50 day.
Clerk-Yes, 1 know; but the days are
much longer now. " fsrfd st
The herald., 1896-05-10

II hope you have been very careful
about the new minister's qualifications 2"
said the deacons wife.
Yes" replied the deacon; 1--WE made
him define exactly what he means by q
few words more"
The herald., 1896-05-10

Thank goodness. I'm we'll out of this crush.
I've had to stand on one foot the whole
time.
Voice from a fer corner-Yes, and that
f0ol was mine,
The herald., 1896-05-10

Have you seen nay black-faced ante
lopez" inquired tie keeper of a menagerie
mo-" said the visitor. Whom did your
black-faced aunt elope WITH"
The herald., 1896-05-10

Disappointed Guest-I thought you said
there was on extensive view from your
hotel?
Disappointing Landlord-WelI, you can see
the moon. cant-you? ~ =
The herald., 1896-05-10

| The old gentleman was reading his his
| tory book aloud: 1.-THE Prince of Wales in
1750--"
The Old Lady-The Prince Of Wales in
1850! Goodness, didn't know be vas such
az old man as thatl
The herald., 1896-05-10

"I can't remember where ! =, put my
glasses" said Duncombe.S b ~ z'S3
"Have you looked for them?'' asked Mrs.
Duncomhe. y NJ INC - f4f,'s
said Duncombs. II can't sse, we'll enough
without them to look now.s'A Nslh iZ5N
The herald., 1896-05-10

Guest (whom the waiter has braught
an extremely dirty bill Of fare)-Dy Jove.
that's an excellent idea--eample OF the DIFF
ferent dishes glued on to the menu.
The herald., 1896-05-10

The Groom (very wealthy)-Why did you
marry an ordinary fellow like me?
The Bride haven't the slightest idea !;
mamma managed the whole affair.
The herald., 1896-05-10

An Agricultural Success.-"How is DylS-
ins getting along with the farm he bought ?"
"Pretty well. He tells me he saved
money on it last year.
"How?"
"Let it to another man"
The herald., 1896-05-10

Chemist-Dldn't you Ike It?
Customer-No, ! didn't. II I had kept
on much longer I should have been entirely
bald. Original condition, indeed!
Chemist-Most people are born bald, sir.
That is the original condition
The herald., 1896-05-10

''GooilucN has had his salary raised; was
it for extra work?'
"Yes He always listens when the pro-
prietor tells his Daby's smart sayings"
The herald., 1896-05-10

II can't see why 1t is," said Bobby, "that
when little boys are cross folks say they are
naughty, and when papas and mammas are
crosS folks say they arc nervous
The herald., 1896-05-10

Customer-Wlat do you mean by selling
me that stuff you called hair restorer, and
telling me it won restore my head to its
original condition.?
The herald., 1896-05-10

mean landlord raised the rent Of one OF
| his houses because the walls had bulged
| out, and therefore made the house larger.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Amos Moses Snowball-Say black boy,
hit seems tor me at I've cav yoh face
before.
Ephraim Johnson--Reckon you has,
cause das where I've been wearln' 1t all
my life.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Leavitt-That was a pretty o!eTer birth
day gift that Theodore gave to Mile.
Bob-What was itr
Leavitt--A box Of stationery. And all
the envelopes were addressed to himself.
The herald., 1896-05-10

He-I wonder if that chair is big enough
for two? ~
She (inadvertently)-Oh. yes, | know 1t Is.
The herald., 1896-05-10

C,ara-Mr. Nicefelo said my face wa,
clafalc. What Is classic?
Dora-Oh, anything old.
The herald., 1896-05-10

A lawyer placed on his office door card
with the inscription ''Those who call OH
business will please make 1t brief"
The herald., 1896-05-10

Right Again.-Mrs. Johnson-Your hus-
band has great ability
Mrs, JAcksou-Yes. Irritability.
The herald., 1896-05-10

An Englishman, travelling in France. was
very much annoyed at the slowness of the
pace. and wishing to get the coachman to
increase the speed, he tried to speak to him
in French, but ne spoke the language very
badly, and, as the coachman did not under
stand, the gentleman lost patience.
At last he thought that if he could not
make him understand, he might at leas.
frghten him by using some high h-sounding
words, and ne roared into the ear of the
coachman, "Westmoreland, Cumberland,
Northumberland, Durham" ul
This had the desired effect. Cabby i'm
nediately whipped up his horses, and drove
full speed to a place where he could deposit
man whom ne believed to be crazy.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Mistress (angrlly)-Br.dget, | find that
you wore one OF my low-necked evening
dresses to the 'bus-drivers ball ieGt even
ing It's the worst piece Of impudence
ever heard Of. You ought to be ashamed Of
yourself!
Bridget (meekly)-Ol wuZ, nlun-Oi WIZ.
And me young mon said II Oi ive- wore
sich an ondacent dress in public ag'in he'd
breck our Engagement.
The herald., 1896-05-10

First F.sh-How are you getting along?
Second Fish-No luck at all. The man at
the end OF that line is chump, or else he's
The herald., 1896-05-10

First Fish-Whats the trouble?
| Second Fish, took the bait an hour ago,
/ and I've been waiting ever since for him
| to put come more on.
The herald., 1896-05-10

There is a branch railway in district
which shall be nameless. where running Of
A&Stains is very caprlcious. The local wit
iSHganizing q petition to have it sup.
pressed on the ground that Its trains are
games Of chance.
At Military Observation-Disclosures
opponents Of our military system say that
standing armies are disastrous to the coun-
try. Can you name anything that is more
disastrous?
Cadet-Yes. q runaway army.
The herald., 1896-05-10

Ais that really true?
B.-My desv fellow, I always tell the
truth; but th;s il an absolute fact!
The herald., 1896-05-10
THE COMpoSITOR AGAIN.

An editor who goes in largely f5r .a.
nigh-fiown style Of writing once began one
OF his extravagant leading articles in this
fashion: Tomorrow is the anniversary CT
the death of Louis Philippe"
The editors penranship 1as act by any
means the easiest TO decirher, so when the
proof was handed to him it read: "To-mor
row in the anniversary of the death of San.
Philips
Extremely Indignant al what he deemed
d wanton insult, he wrathfully wrote on
the margin of the proof: "Who the Dickens
il; this Sam Pniips?''
Having reproved the printer in scathing
fashion. he went home; but at breakfast in
the morning, when he turned with pride to
his article, which he considered better than
usual he sprang up in towering rage on
finding it begin thus: "To-morrow is ths
anniversary of the death of Sam Philips.
Who the Dickens is this Sam Phillips ?"
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08

whether money or commodity. 1t is
all important that he keep this funda-
mental truth in mind, not SO long only
as it suits his preconceived ideas. but
all the time.
The people Of the United states use
two kinds of grain for food in about
equal quantities-corn and wheat.
Suppose every state in the Union were
to impose such heavy tax on wheat as
virtually to forbid its use as food
| does not this ten-year-old boy see how,
by thus destroying the larger portion
of the demand for wheat, its price
would go down, and the price of corn
go up? And that the decrease in the
worth of one and the increase in that
of the other would both be the result
of laws affecting demand and supply?
The confederate states during the
late civil war imposed a tax of $50
per bale on cotton to discourage it's
culture and to encourage the culture
of corn. This destruction of supply,
and by law, sent the price of cotton up
to so cents per pound in gold.
Prior to 1873 the commercial WORLD
had for untold ages used two metals
for standard money as well as for re-
demption, in about equal quantities
lin coin value lone was silver and one
was gold. In 1873 and 1874 all the
greatest nations destroyed, and by law,
silver as a redemption money. thus de-
stroying the demand for it for this
purpose and throwing all the demand
on gold. is it, can it be necessary to
tell this ten-year-old boy that these
laws sent the price or exchange value
silver down and that of gold up?
is it not almost beyond the compre-
hension of men of ordinary intellect
that such men as my banker friend can
not see why SO much more silver is pro-
duced than is required when his friends
Cleveland, Carlisle and others insist
upon destroying the requirements for
silver?
May | venture to suggest to my
banker friend that If he will do little
independent thinking for himself he
will understand that the reason, and
the only reason, why this loss by de-
probation of 40 per cent. on silver lis
the law of 1873, which destroyed the
demand for silver for redemption or
real money, and that If gold had been
demonetized instead of silver it's "loss
by depreciation" would have been still
greater, because it has not the intrin-
sic value to fall back upon that silver
has.
But Mr.. Carlisle has told my friend
| Il must call him my friend, notwith-
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08

pletely has he been hypnotized by
Messrs. Cleveland and Carlisle he con-
scientiously believes every man fool
who does not accept his ill-digested,
uniformed reasoning as complete and
conclusive proof.
Nor has he any more conception of
why this ''loss by depreciation on sill
yer" and rise of gold. as is evident
from another sentence in his letter in
which he asks: when silver is pro-
duced to a much larger extent than is
required, how are you going to make
1t worth more? Can you make cotton
worth more by law?
If we concede this bankers honesty,
as we must of course, what must we
think of his good sense or rather his
information upon any aspect of this
subject about which he talks with all
the confidence of profound ignorance?
AS he has done me the honor to read
my open letter, / hope, for his own
sake, he will read this, and if he have
ten-year-old son. will undertake to
make IL SO plain that even he, if not
his hypnotized father, can understand
not only how silver has been made
worth less by law and how it can be
made worth more by law, but how also
cotton, corn, wheat or any other ar
ticle of commerce could be made worth
more or less by law.
l once heard jolly Jew say that
Moses got up the first corner on beef
of which history gives an account. He
bought up all the beef cattle and then
passed law forbidding the people to
use swine's flesh. and made millions
out of the rise in beef
Whatever we may think of this Jews
profanity we must all admit that he
had pretty clear conception of how
articles of commerce may be worth
more or less by law He knew what
this banker does not know, or pre-
tends not to know, that by virtue of
such law beef would 60 up and bacon
would go down.
Nor is there a manufacturer in the
land, from Carnegie to Niedringhaus,
clamoring for protective tariff law
who does not sufficiently understand
how goods may be made worth more by
law to contribute freely of fat to the
Mckinley boom. that they may grow
fatter by law.
Now, will assume that this ten-year-
old son of my banker friend has been
to school long enough to learn that de-
mand and supply regulate the exchange
value of every article of commerce,
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08
The GRAHAM snoRT,

Believed to be Bvtw.
n0ndred rhousaad Dollars. .' ana Fas
neen Lost In Stock specu,... % Hse
TIE" VIII Not be Embsrra...n' M
PHILADELPHIA, Nav a.,
known of the whereaho,, Nothing h
dore r. Graham, a memh. u Tho
firm of Young, Smith. FILA Of Ii.
porters of hosiery. notions 80. y 20, IN
goods, who disappeared a. ,I nu white
business business on Thursday. The t, Close = o
Graham' who was the Sna ,ae, that
the house, appropriated 'acier Of
amount of the firms MONEY arr,
Grated yesterday by Isaac vas rsis
the elder member of the firm S Snya,
amount OF the populations Mr. Vs'a
refused to state. 1t is be,ier.,' my'a
ever, that Graham's shor,..u nov.
tween $1,000 600 and $500 OOo a.. y BE-
said that all of this was lost N - i
speculation. 1t was stated aoei
Smyth that the transactions ,oa " Nj
several years ago, and that pas
Nc~VSo III COVERING -
shortage. UP The
No effort is apparently being ~,
70 capture the abscondinc ma. aos
and Mr.. Smyth declares tina. ~
fair Will not enbarrass the Arm d
AS an outcome of the discor..
.traham's appropriations, John r;.,s
the other member of the srm iflc'
postmaster of Philadelphia w 4u q
sign the presidency of ~ N
chanics national bank, in ors. Ae
devote his whole time to tha s
business, and Mr.. Smyth. who IN I'M
California on tour, was hastily os sr
to Philadelphia. Mr.. Graham e -
years OF age, and with his wifi y.
been prominently identified with D..
byterian church affairs. He had h.ss
a member of the firm for a numhs. !,
years and was trusted implicitly
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08


men, but who just as evidently, like
too many others, allow Messrs. Cleve-
land and Carlisle to do both their in
vestigating and their thinking for
them on this financial question.
True, Mr.. Carlisle was for about
twenty years a member of congress,
was for several years speaker of the
house, was by every obligation, as well
of interest as of honor, bound to inves-
tigate this important question thor
oughly, that he might safely counsel
his constituents and his country, and
during all these years of his ripe man.
hood and assumed investigation and
study, he constantly advised both his
constituents and shis country that the
destruction of one-half of the metallic
money by the congress of 1879 was the
''most gigantic crime of this or any
other age"-the new light never break
Ing in upon his mind until he ceased to
represent his constituents and began
TO represent Mr.. Cleveland, and after
he had position where he could issue
millions of bonds.
True, too, we are bound to assume
one Of two things. either that during
all these ripper years of his life he was
an utterly unfit and unsafe counselor
or that he is false counselor now.
True, too, that the only prediction
flor he and his class revel in predic-
tions-the sealed future offering such
q fine field for false controversy that
he has ever made concerning this ques-
ton, which has been fulfilled, is the
prediction he made that the destruc-
ton of one-half Of the metallic standard
would ''entail a greater loss of proper
ty than all the wars, pestilences and
famines the world ever saw" This
the census reports of assessed values,
referred to in my open letter, show to
have been fulfilled with startling pre-
cision.
Yet, notwithstanding all this is true,
these business men, one of whom !
suspect to be q banker, like a young
bird which opens its mouth and takes
in with absolute confidence whatever
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08

Mind of worm it's mother drops, open
their minds and take in whatever
Messrs. Carlisle and Cleveland tell
them with an unquestioning and child
like simplicity which is only equaled
by the childish logic with which they
undertake to reason in defense of their
position.
For an illustration, one of these men,
whom / rather think to be banker,
exclaims: What, four hundred mil
lions of silver in the various treas
uries of the world, the banks full of it,
and yet it isn't enough for you? There
is loss by depreciation of 40 per cent
on that silver now. Is there any on
gold?"
Here is evidently an educated man,
and one who, | have no doubt, man
ages his private affairs with sense and
success, yet who has not given this
great burning question enough in
vestigation and thought to know that
this very ''loss by depreciation on sill
yer" and the corresponding rise of gold
constitute the very essence of the crime
of which right-minded, patriotic peo-
pie complain, and which Mr.. Carlisle so
vehemently denounced during all the
years he represented his constituents
instead of Mr.. Cleveland. And so COM
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08
TO BUILD UP THE SOUTH.
First Meeting Of the southern States
Association.

SOUTHERN PINES, n. c., May s.-Ihe
first meeting of the Southern States
Settlers association was held in Piney
Woods inn here this morning. About
one thousand people were present, rep
resenting every state in the south and
ten northern states. Hon. Patrick
Walsh, of Augusta, Ga, was given al
extremely hearty reception. In Inc
course of his address, ex-senator
Walsh said there were no politics OF
sectionalism in the gathering. winch
had but one purpose-the upouilans
of the south. and he spoke at length 10
regard to the projected Southern
States exposition at Chicago. !,
Gov. Carr made brief speech %
welcome to the settlers and to norm,
ern visitors, after which the delegae'
and visitors made visits to the s'sN
experiment farms and to Pinenu,s =
Model town, built and owned oy D. '"
Tufts, of Boston.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08
HORACE MANN.
kulogy ON tho Founder of the A-..,
Public school System

ounoor OF the Americss
Public School System.
ST. LOUIS, May 6.-At a celeb,.,;..
of the one hundredth anniver..,r :,
the birth Of Horace Mann, the founds,
OF the American public school system
by the Society of Pedagogy IN s.
Louis. Monday evening, Prot. F. Lou,
Soldan, superintendent of the pubI,
schools, said in the course Of an eulocv.
Around the name of Horace Mann
recollections and ideas cluster that ~
dear alike to patriot and teacher
Through the labor of his hands h.
widened the narrow sphere OF his in.
dividual life. gaining an education BY
what he earned on tho farm. The yerv
books from which he obtained the ele.
ments of knowledge he procured BY
manual labor. He owes his fame no,
to circumstances. but to himself He
grew from the midst of the people. ever
to feel in sympathy and touch with
them, and ever ready to devote his
life to their service. Their highest il.
terests, he thought, could not be sd.
vanced in any better way than by ed.
ucation. In the Improvement Of the
common schools Horace Mann saw the
best agency to bring about new and
nobler era. Enlightenment is the con
dition of free institutions. Universal
education alone could place the coun-
try which gave him birth, and which
he loved dearly, on secure and broad
basis, where liberty might stand and
prosperity grow"
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08
THE "NITRATE KING.
Sudden Death of Col. North In n" UNIV
In London.

LONDON, May Col. North, whls
presiding at meeting at the NiiaM
company's offices, in the "ooip' 4.
building, yesterday, tainted ~ y.
chair, and died at four o'clock yes''
day afternoon. -. A
Col J. T. North was na1i'e W. =
Leeds and owed his sobriquet !" ~
fact of his having accumuia'eu !.
mense wealth in nitrate mines III -
America. In January, 1889, ne pre- Il.
ed Kirkshall abbey and grounos ms
native town and also made hahu' .hs
contributions to the funos - .s;-e
Leeds infirmary and the foras ,bs
college of science. He receive ~ On
honorary freedom of the norous a
January rs, 1880. Col. North Males W
personal friend of the prince OF -"
and was a liberal patron of the 'u'
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1896-05-08
FISHBACK AGAIN.
He Writes Letter to a st. Louis
Paper on Currency.
He Takes No Stock In the Doctrine of
Cleveland and Carlisie-Says He
is Able to Make Every
thing Plain.

Ex-Gov. Fishback wrote the follow
Ing letter to the editor of the st. Louis
Dispatch, which was published in
. recent issue of that paper:
have received great many COM
munications concerning my open let
ter to Mr.. Cleveland from all portions
of the west and south, most of them in
commendation, but very few in con-
demnation.
From st. Louis came two letters
from men who are evidently business
men," men of affairs and educated