Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-04-30
A MEAN REVENGE.

is that fellow?"
Ihad rung the bell until was tired
and out of patience, and then called for
him until I was ont Of breath, and still
he did not come.
If you want to know who I am, allow
me to inform you that my name is
George Boomerang, better known in
Frazedona, where reside, as Captain
Boomerang, late Of the army. am a
man of considerable wealth, own the
finest house in town and keep, or did
keep, a man by the name of Sam, whose
duty it was to brush my clothes, hat and
boots and adjust my leg.
refer to wooden leg. The original
leg ran against cannon ball during our
late unpleasantness, and I have never
seen it since.
Well, 1t was Sans duty to take that
wooden leg off at night and to be on
hand in the morning to put it on before
I got out of bed, and now you know
why was yelling, Sam Saml Sam 7"
And when 1 inform you that this was
the morning of my wedding day perhaps
you can imagine how anxious was to
get on to my legs as soon as possible
"Yes, ma'am, I was the lucky fellow
that had walked into the affections-on
a wooden leg too-of the handsomest
girl in Frazedona and was that day to
lead her to the altar. But I must get my
leg on first, and, as Sam wouldn't or
couldn't come, I rolled out of bed and
went hopping around on one foot to find
my leg.
Now, my dear reader, when the sur
geon trimmed my stump after that little
affair with the cannon ball he sawed it
off uncommonly short, SO perhaps you
can family imagine my feeling when,
after hopping around my room, I found
what supposed to be my leg, but, upon
attempting to adjust it, discovered that
it was intended to go on below the knee.
"Do wooden legs shrink? That's just
what I want to know" said I. And
then I rang the bell and called "Sam !'
Well, Samuel didn't come, but my
housekeeper, Mrs. Bloom, did.
"Mrs. Bloom" I cried, "where is
Sam?"
She answered me through the keyhole
Of the door. "Re left the house last
night about II o'clock. Took his trunk
with him, and said he was gong to
leave town by the midnight train"
I couldn't understand it at first. I
had always used Sam well, paid him
good wages, and he had seemed perfect
ly contented with his situation, and
served me faithfully until now.
Suddenly an idea struck me, and the
whole cause of Sans perfidy was re-
vealed to me.
"By heavens, it is Slympkins" I
yelled. "Slympkins is the cause Of all
my woe. He bribed Sam to steal my
leg Oh this my wedding day and leave
this insufficient prop in place Of it,
Jim Slympkins is or was my rival.
He is the only son of his father, who,
by the way, is the most wealthy gentle
man in Frazedona. Consequently Jim
doesn't do anything but smoke cigars,
drive round town behind his splendid
grays, and devote himself to the ladies
generally.
I rather had the advantage of Slymp-
kins. To be sure, Slympkins had Or was
expecting to have much more wealth
than could boast Of, but he hadn' Z my
face, you know, or anything like it.
Twas sorry for Slmypkins, but, hang
it, my dear sir, what could do? If he
had chosen Miss Short, Miss Ginx, Miss
Broad, or, in fact, any one but Miss
Amelia Seymour, it would have been
we'll. But it was really absurd for
Slympkins to suppose that would al
low him or any other man to marry
Amelia-at least while I had a wooden
leg.
Iwould have given Slympkins any
thing in reason, but it was truly ridicu-
lous for him to think that I would give
him Amelia. I told her SO, and then I
folded her to my breast, and she folded
me to her breast, and I allowed her to
sip the honey from my ruby lips.
Yes, I had won her, and poor Slymp-
kins was fairly wild with rage. He had
sworn to be revenged, but laughed at
his threats.
Twas seated at the breakfast table sip
ping my coffee half an hour afterward
when Mrs. Bloom came running in, cry
ing:
"Oh, captain, I know all about itl'
"What, the leg?'
"Yes, I think SO. My daughter Eliza
says she saw Mr. slympkins give Sam
some money last night"
"Yes, know it was Slympkins"
"More than that. Sam was married
last night to Miss Seymour maid. and
An Affidavit.
This is to certify that on May 11th,