davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
Boys Should Learn.

To help the boy smaller than them
selves.
To speak pleasantly to an old woman.
To put every garment in its proper
place.
To remove their hats on entering a
house.
Not to tease boys smaller than them
selves.
To keep their finger nails from wear
ing mourning.
To be as kind and helpful to their
sisters as to other boys sisters.
To close the door quietly, especially
when there is sick person in the
house.
To take pride in having their mother
and sisters for their best friends.
To treat their mother as politely as If
she were a strange lady who did not
spend her life in their service.
If they do anything, to take their
mother into their confidence, and, above
all, never to lie about anything they
| have done.
When their play is over for the day,
to wash their faces and hands, brush
their hair, and spend the evening in the
house.
Not to take the easiest chair in the
room and put it directly in front of the
fire, and forget to offer it to their moth
er when she comes in to sit down.
To make up their minds not to learn
to smoke, chew, or drink, remember
ing that these things are not easily I'M
learned, and they are terrible draw
backs to good men.
Not to grumble or refuse when asked
to do some errand which must be done
and which would otherwise take the
time of some one who has more to do
than themselves.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
A Parrot Yarn,

A man whose niece had coaXed him to
buy her parrot succeeded in getting
O. bird that was warranted good
talker. He brought it home, and after
putting it in a cage stood before it and
said, Say uncle, Polly" The bird did
not respond, and after repeating the
sentence dozen times or more with no
better success the uncle pat his hand
into the cage, and grabbing the bird by
the neck, shook him until his head wab-
bled around, all the time yelling to him,
Say uncle, COLL darn you, say uncle!'
The bird looked limp and lifeless, and,
disguised with his purchase, the old
fellow took the parrot out into the yard,
where he has coop of thirty chickens,
Thrusting the half-dead bird in with the
chickens, he exclaimed, There, by
gosh! you'll say uncle before you get
out"
Next morning the uncle went to sec
how the parrot was getting IN. Look
ing into the coop he counted twenty
nine dead chickens, and in the center
of the coop stood the parrot on one foot
holding the thirtieth chicken by the
neck and shaking it till its head wab-
bled, and screaming, Say uncle, goll
darn you, say uncle"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
HAD A CHRONIC THIRST.
Eleven Cocktails We're Not Enough {,
Satisfy tho Eisenberg Appetite.

Eleven Cocktails We're Not Enough to
Satisfy tho Eisenberg Appetite.
A young man named Elsenberg, a
beer drummer for the Anheuser- Busch
brewery can thank the proprietor Of a
saloon near the Wainwright building
that he is not cold, lank corpse. He
wanted to be judged by his actions, and
1t took some trouble, too, to turn him
aside. from his purpose An evening or
two ago Eisenberg, accompanied by his
friend, Dick Fleming, who is we'll
known employe Of the city government,
dropped into the barroom mentioned.
They had several drinks, and then
Eiaenberg began to boast of his bibu-
lous abilities, He could drink more
than anybody and was willing to bet
on it,
Fleming did not want to enter swill-
ing contest, but he was entirely willing
TO wager with Eisenberg that he was
not nearly as much of go-as-you-
please guz2ler as he thought he was
After much haggling bet was ar
ranged, which provided that eleven
whisky cocktails, mans size, and with
the usual jigger Of whisky in cach
should be prepared and set on the bar
Elsenberg was to drink them, one after
another, with only such pause between
gulps as would enable him to set down
one glass and pick up the next one. The
loser was to pay for the drinks used in
the test, and for whatever other liquors
the onlookers consumed
The drinks were mixed and set on the
counter. Eisenberg began with grace
and he soon had six under his belt.
Then they seemed to come a little
slower, but they were not held long
enough to cause him to violate the true
conditions of the contract. The eleven
drinks were finished as per program and
Eisenberg declared the winner.
Now" said he, "I'll bet you can
drink eleven more"
"I'll bet you anything you like you
can't" was the answer.
What will you bet?" said Eisenberg.
Cone hundred dollars. How will that
suit you?"
That's all right. I've not that much
money with me, but I'll bet this watch
which cost $500, against your pile"
ITS CO." said the other man, and
the barkeeper mixed eleven cocktails
more and set them on the counter.
BY this time Eisenberg began to show
the effects of his liberal previous liba-
tons. He manifested evidences OF maui
sea, and his friends advised him not to
tackle the new test.
Mr.. Fleming good-naturedIy offered
to call the thing off, and, although
Elsenberg protested at first, he finally
agreed. The drinks were thrown away.
He was not as well as he might be
next day, but he is all right now. Mean
while he thinks he can lay just claim to
being the cocktail champion of st,
Louis.--Star Sayings.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
SHORT AND SWEET.

The youth who sows his wild oats is
apt to mix in more or less tares.
The man who INDUCES in horns
may be expected to go on foot"
1t may be better to be right than to
be president, but the salary is smaller
The man who always says what ne
thinks will soon acquire a reputation
as a cynic.
"The evil that men do lives after
them" and the evil they say is pretty
long lived, too.
Jagson says it is lucky man who
cen discriminate between barber shop
and hack stand.
When Carlyle spoke of "a maker OF
books" he had no thoughts of the race
course bDokmaker.
A correspondent wants to know how
long cells live. About the same as short
cells, we SUPPOSE.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
Tho Seeaaw of Time.

Up and down went see-saw-a dark
eyed boy in one end, and on the other
a wee slip of a girl with laughing blue
eyes and yellow curls waving in the
breeze. They have played together all
the summer days, and many happy
hours have they spent at the see-saw.
I'D rather go up than down." said
the girl.
80 would l." the boy answered.
81 wish we could both go up at once. "
But we can't"
81 know it."
I'm tired of see-sawing," said she.
80 am l." he answered. Then he
sturdily held the board firm and
straight, while she tripped lightly to
the stone wall across which it was laid
There they could sit close together, his
bare brown feet dangling down among
the daisies, in pretty contrast to the
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

daintily sllppered ones OF his COM
panion; and 1t mattered not to this
young pair Of six and ten that she dwelt
in the lap Of luxury while he was the
son of poverty.
The days went by. He went to sea,
and dwelt in foreign lands for many
years. There fortune smiled upon him,
and poured her rich gifts at his feet
In the meantime his little playmate had
grown to womanhood, and her fathers
riches had taken wings and flown away.
They meet again. They talk Of the
golden summer days of yore, when they
played together and the seesaw went up
and down. They have changed places
since then. She, smiling, says:
"You see that the other end Of the
seesaw Is up now"
Says he, with loves pleading in his
eyes, "Im tired of seesawing."
She understands and answers, 80
am l."
We'll, darling, let us stop 1t just as
we did Of old"
So close together they keep, and the
seesaw is balanced.-Munsey's Maya
zine.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
For COuntry'S Sake.
AN INDIAN FIGHTER SUFFERS AGoNIES
FROM DISEASE.
He Was in tho Battle with tho Apachos
When Geronimo Was Captured.

From the Press, New York City.
Worn with the exposure Of army life
on the frontier, and poisoned by the
continual drinking Of alkali water,
Joseph Flegauf returned to Philadel-
phia eight years ago, broken down in
health and unable to do any work.
He had served five years with the
Ninth United States Infantry in many
desperate fight with the Indians in
Arizona and other frontier states and
had won an enviable record In tho
fierce conflict when Geronimo, the
famous chief Of the Apaches was cap
turcd, Mr.. Fleugauf was among the
brave soldiers who, forgetful of every
thing but duty, charged upon the hos
tile Indians.
Life on the plains sent to an untimely
death many soldiers who were never
touched by redskins bullet or arrow,
and Mr. Flegauf came near such fate
as that. A long time before his time
was out he was taken seriously Ill, but
he stuck to his post until an honorable
discharge was finally given to him.
When he reached Philadelphia, the
Indian fighter was scarcely more than
skin and bones, and for three weeks he
lay desperately i'll in hospital. He felt
dizzy, and his stomach felt as If II had
dried up. These symptoms were accom-
panied by bloody dysentery, which no
medicine seemed to relieve.
After two years OF suffering, Mr..
Flegauf came to New York and was
treated by several physicians. These
did not agree, some calling his disease
catarrh of the stomach, and others
chronic diarrhoea.
In speaking to a reporter about his
illness Mr. Flegauf said the doctors
helped him, but, with all the money no
spent for advice and medicine, he was
able to work only small part Of the
time. Since moving to his present
home, No. SIT West Forty-second street,
in New York, about year ago, Mr..
Flegauf has been so i'll that his voice
and hearing almost left him.
Then all medicines failed, and the
sick man had little hope of recovery.
At this critical time Dr. Williams Pink
Pills for Pale People were recommended
to Mr. Flegauf, and, almost as a last
hope, he began taking them
1.-THE beneficial effect of the medicine
was felt at once" Mr.. Flegauf told the
reporter land before I had taken box
I began to eat with relish. Three boxes
made me so much better that l began
work and have been able to keep at il
since, for five months"
DR.. Williams Pink Pills contain all
the elements necessary to give new life
and richness to the blood and restore
shattered nerves. Thay are for sale by
by all druggists, or may be had by mail
from DR.. Williams Medicine Company,
schenectady, N. Y, for soc per box, or
six boxes for $3.50
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
bachelor Ignorance About children.

Bachelors who have lived long alone
or in hotels and clubs acquire strange
Ignorance about children. One of these
was telling a friend how his little
nephew enjoyed THE Jungle Book"
How old is he?" was asked.
ooh, l don't know, Seven or s.,
maybe TO-"
Then he can read the stories him
self"
Let me see. No, he can't. He's too
young, He has the book read to him."
Then he must be less than 10 years
old"
The uncle was puzzled, That's So"
he said, rehectively. "My brother hasn't
been married nearly so long as that. l
don't believe it's more than six years.
No, the boy can't be over or 5.
think he's just A."
Cant you tell his age by looking at
him? asked his friend.
"Why, no." answered the uncle, hope
lessly. "All children look the same age
To me except infants, and those that
are about ready for college"
1t was another bachelor who was Wis
iting friends, when a caller came with
his young son. The boy was 4 or years
old, and a manly little chap. The bach
elor was attracted by his appearance,
and, patting his cheek, said to the IA
Their:
Hes sturdy boy, isn't he? He'll
be ready to go out and play ball in a
few years."
Il can play ball already" spoke up
the child, proudly.
why, he can talk, can't he?" ex-
claimed the astonished bachelor. "I
didn't know children could talk at his
age"
The company would have doubted the
sincerity Of his ignorance had he not
been too evidently in earnest.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
Drawing n Line.

A young Virginian in frocks had been
scolded by his grandmother for taking
preserves from the dining-room closet
without permission. The old lady,
with much impressiveness of tone, told
the little fellow that it was wicked to
take things without asking for them,
and that, although he might have
thought there was nobody near him
when he took the preserves, God was
really watching him and keeping an
account Of his actions. The boy looked
solemn and made no comment on the
lecture. Later his mother saw him
standing near the back porch in an at
titude denoting meditation. The house
hold dog, a big Newfoundland, was
romping near him. He was not in
a mood to play, and walked away from
the dog, which followed him. He
turned, shook a chubby finger at the
dog, and exclaimed:
Go way, Jack. It's bad 'nough to
have bod follerin' me aroun', let alone
you"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
Origin of white Satin Stock.

The white satin stock, now so much
worn by American women, has an ORR
gin not suggested by it's coquettish ap-
pearance. At the time OF President
Carnot's death it was adopted by the
fashion leaders of Paris as a symbol of
mourning. Its sad Specification was
soon forgotten by the tickle Parisians,
as they grew to realize the value of the
broad. white ribbon as an accessory to
almost any costume.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
Shows Her Home Training.

A Bostonian of mark has lately dis,
tinguished himself greatly, and letters
and kilograms Of congratulation have
been pouring in upon him from various
parts of the world. These have been
the subject Of conversation at the
breakfast table, and the Bostonlan's
little daughter has heard Of them. The
other day she said to her mother, with
a pathetic air Of concern, Mamma, dc
you suppose all those people would
think so much of papa if they knew
that he sometimes puts his elbows on
the tablet"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
Five Dollara for a Dime.

This is no Louisiana lottery scheme
neither is it a dime in the slot affair
In 1894 twenty-four 10-cent pieces were
coined at the San Francisco mint not
very many, but one might stray your
way. If it should, a coin collector will
pay S. for it, and the price is liable to
rise. Keep your eye on the dimes
which pass through your hands, and
when you see one dated 1894 and
marked with an IS" hang onto it-somc
day it will command a still higher pre-.
MUM.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
SOME FLOWER SUGGESTIONS.

Choose a fresh plant daily from the
window garden boomers, to place on
the dining table.
For a constant blooming climber try
manettia vine. Irvine it where it will
get the sunshine.
The floral catalogues for '96 are I'M
usually fine. These long winter even
ings give time for their study and the
delightful plans for next years flower
garden.
Heavy snow will bend down the small
evergreen trees and the shrubbery out
side. If not removed it will become wet
and heavier, and may seriously damage
the branches.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
Pecullaritles of This February.

The month of FEBRUARY in a leap
year has some peculiarities of which
not many people are aware. This year
for example, February has five Satur-
days. This has occurred just once in
twenty-eight years for the last 124
years. February will have five Satur-
days again in 1908, twelve yaars from
now, because at the turn of the cen
fury there comes break in the TWEEN
ty eighth year period, which is re-
duced to twelve years. Twenty eight
years later, in 1356,we will again have
five Saturdays in the month Of Febru-
airy. This same rule holds good for
every day in the week, each recurring
five times IN the leap year month of
February every twenty-eight years
with the exception of Monday and
Wednesday. During the last 200 years
these two days have come five times in
February at one interval of twelve
yeaas, while the rest of the days have
been forty years apart at once during
the same period of 200 years.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
A AIaIno Wrinkle.

Portland, Maine, has a new wrinkle.
A big mastiff has been killing other
dogs in that city, and he was arrested
and taken to the lookup, where his fate
was discussed. 1t was finally decided
to send him the same way with muir
dering cutthroats in human form, and
consequently he was sent down to
Thomaston to spend the rest of his days
at the state prison.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
largo CIder Mills.

Melrose, Conn, has probably the larg-
est cider mills in the country, which
have used $4,000 barrels of apples the
last season. They have shipped their
cider and vinegar to almost every state
in the union.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

1t is said on the authority Of one
who helps dispense the liquid hilarity
inhibited by the members of congress
that the Kentucky delegation drinks
less whisky than any other crowd OF
the same size in the house. 1t may be
true, but it puts the other fellows in a
very embarrassing position.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

The coal pool is formed for no other
purpose than to extort from the people
Of this country more than the coal is
worth. If there be no law that can
prevent the carrying out Of such a con-
spiracy needed legislation has been
crlminally neglected.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

From Niles, Mich, comes the story
that blind man upon being converted
recovered his sight If this story is
authentic it might be a good idea to
induce the salvation army to serenade
the street and alley cleaning bureau Of
Chicago.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
A Kansas Woman.

A Kansas paper mentions as a fact of
local Importance that Ada Rats has
been given a certificate to teach school
in Butler county. If some one calls
out her name sharply in girls high
school there will be a jumping up on
seats and little panic.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Eethel-Molly told me yesterday,
Nell, that you had resolved to give up
talking slang.
Nell-Yes, have, I've thought it
all over, and I've made up my mind
that even if the young men do seem to
like girl whose talk is bright and
slangy, when it comes to getting mar
ried, she simply isn't in it. Somer-
willie Journal
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

"The smith a mighty man is he
wrote Longfellow. Now that a Ver-
mont blacksmith has been found to be
a healer perhaps some of our present
poets will find it easy to improve on
Longfellow's lines.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

The farmer who by thrift and good
management has succeeded in enlarg-
ing his estate and operating on the
same basis that the owner of any large
mercantile concern observes in con.
Quoting it's business is seldom put for.
ward as an agricultural leader. AS
long as this policy is pursued the far.
mers will never have proper represen-
tation, nor will their organizations be
potent.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Every time they discover a gold mine
in Georgia somebody starts a news
paper on the spot, This is WISE for it
generally takes first-class gold mine
to run one.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Another dead line has been drawn
across Cuba by Gen. Marin and the
insurgents are breaking across it just
as has been their habit in the past.
Spain is asked for more troops.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Having paid his money to be real
editor, Mr., Aston undoubtedly has just
cause for complaint, and we are pleased
to see that he intends to get his moneys
worth.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

A bowling mob before the royal pal
ace at Madrid, crying Death to the
king! Death to tho queen regent!'
may suggest to the Spanish govern
ment that its army in Cuba has been re-
inforced by troops that should have
been kept at home.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05
MEALS IN TIN CANS.
COURSE DINNER IN CANNED
FOODS.
No BoSIegod City Need starve-Paris
Has Stored Enormous Quantities OF
Them, Enough to Feed the city
Eighteen Months,

HAT greatest ter
ror Of war, a starry
ing garrison and a
starving town, sur
rounded by u hos
tile camp, yet able
to see far-off fields
Of grain and plenty,
could not be re-
peated in this age
of canned goods,
meats, vegetables,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

We are able to announce that the
women are still in Washington, in spite
OF the declaration Of Senator Hill to the
effect that they ought to CO.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

There is an unusual custom observed
in San Pedro, Cal When q person
we'll known about town dies, flags are
displaved at half mast. This custom
causes frequent curious inquiry from
visitors who want to know if the Pres
idept is dead or whether some promi.
nent official has not been assassinated.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

II has long been conceded that
money talks, but never was it more
eloquent Of patriotism and loyalty than
when offered for the purchase of our
new national bonds.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

While the sultan and Queen Victoria
are writing pleasant letters to each
other it is perilous for any one to even
feed the oppressed Armenians.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Very courteous burglars they have in
Indiana. When they called on Gov,
Matthews they left their cards, but
that was about all they did leave.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

or course there may be an aldermanic
ethical standard, but If there Is the
average man would have to stoop over
to reach It,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Hetty Green is suing two Chicago
men for selling soil from her farm
Hetty Is bound that nothing capable oil
being turned into dust will escape her
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

It Is evident that the queen can say
nothing as gracefully as any OF her
trained diplomats, and say it in just as
many words.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Will Prior, who eloped with a girl
on twelve hours acquaintance, may
properly be said to have been as pre-
Vious is his name indicates.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

The politician never begins to talk
about rising above party until alter
his party has quit electing him to Of
fee.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

When Mrs. Chang looks over her
1000 dresses it must be bitter thought
20 her that her husband is without
yellow jacket.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Owing to the fact that the TURF are
experiencing a feeling of lassitude the
sultan has decided to grant amnesty to
the Armenians.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

Portraits of Emperor William can
now be had for half price in London
This should be a lesson to unruly grand
children.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

She-Your brother proposed to me
last night.
He, excitedly-He did, did he? And
what did you say?
She, demurely-I said would be q
sister to him.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

The most insignificant people are
most apt to sneer at Others. They
are safe from reprisals, and have NO
hope of rising in their own esteem but
by lowering their neighbors. Hazlitt.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-03-05

A Talker.-Briggs-You know Gav>
lets, don't ypu% Braggs-oh, have a
listening ACQUAINTANCE with him.