davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
HUMOROUS.

Conductor = softly. softly, Herr
Muller. You are not expected to play
first fiddle with your big drum!"--
Fliegende Blaetter.
Deacon Jones--"So John Carvel In
among the converted?" Deacon Brown
Eyes, but Carvel is without past;
he won't cut any figure at praise meet
ings. "-Boston Transcript.
-Teacher-"What does h-a-m-m-e-r
spell?" Tommy-"Don'tk know, ma am"
Teacher--"What does your mother
drive nails with, stupid?" Tommy.
"A stove lifter."-San Francisco Wave.
Alas" exclaimed the counterfeiter,
shat should have imbibed of the new
art movement. If had not attempted
man."-Detroit Tribune.
Mrs. De Stoile-"Did you enjoy the
opera?" Mrs. Fushion-"Very much.
We had box, and the B'Joneses sat
right opposite us in the circle. 1t was
glorious!"- North Amer.
lean.
-Theater Manager-"Yours is the
best minstrel show we have had here for
ten years. Where did you get on to all
those new jokes?" Neutrality-suspicious.
of the end men got hold of file of one
of last years English papers about a
year ago."-Sommervill Journal.
Indispensable. :" II don't think !
want cyclopaedia," said the woman of
the house, "but if you have got any nice
books for children" 'Great Scott,
madam!" exclaimed the unblushing
book agent. 1--WE use this cyclopaedia
for children's book Mt our house alto
gether. They sit on it at the table,
Chicago Tribune.
"A Remarkable Child.-"Comc, little
girl, tell me what is your name and how
old you are?" asked an old bachelor,
who was visiting the Yerger family
The child holds back and refuses to
talk. Mother-"That's the way she is
She never likes to talk to gentlemen"
''Humph! If she keeps that up, she will
make splendid wife some of these
days."-Texas Sitter.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
FOR YOUNG PEOPLE.
WHEN TEACHER GETS CROSS

When the teacher gets cross and her brown
eyes get black.
And her pencil comes down on the desk
with whack.
We chilluns In class sits up straight In a
line.
As II we had rulers instead Of a spine!
It's scary to cough, and It's not safe to
grin
When the teacher gets cross and the dim
pies goes In.
When the teacher gets cross the tables all
mix,
And the ones and the sevens begin playing
tricks. *
The pluses and minus is just little smears
Where the ry-babies cry all their states up
with tears.
The figgers won't add. and they act up like
sin
When the teacher gets cross and the dim
pies goes In.
When the teacher gets cross the readers
gets bad.
The lines Jingle round till the chilluns is
sad.
And Billyboy pufrs and gets red in the face.
AS II he and the lesson were running a
race!
Till she hollows out Next" as sharp as a
pin
When the teacher gets cross and the dim
pies goes In.
When the teacher gets good her smile is SO
bright
The tables gets straight and the readers
gets right,
The pluses and minus come troopng along.
The figgers add up and stops being wrong.
And we chilluns would like (but we das-
senD to shout,
When the teacher gets good and the dim
pies comes out.
Rochester Express.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
STORY OF A STORk.
How 1t Carried Letter to Africa AND
brought One Back.

How 1t Carried a Letter to Africa and
brought One Back.
A story that comes from Germany is
as quaint as it is true, says Our Animal
Friends. Some children living in the
northern provinces discovered that a
storl1 had made its nest upon their roof.
Being orthodox little Teutons they
hailed the newcomer with favor, as
storSs are supposed to bring luck to a
house. All the summer they shared
their tidbits with their long-legged
friend, which became very tame and
companionable.
At the first signs of approaching cold
weather the stork prepared TO fit to
warmer climes. The children were sad
at the thought of losing their pet, but
their parents conscled them with the
assurance that the bird would surely
return the next spring. The children,
still uneasy ut the ;,iea of the stork not
being cared for through the long
winter, consulted together and evolved
brilliant idea, which they immediate-
ly proceeded to put into execution.
They wrote note in their best German
script, stating that the stork was very
dear to them and begged che good peo-
pie in whose country it might spend the
winter to be kind to their pet, and send
it back to them in the spring.
They sealed the note, fastened it to
ribbon, tied it around the birds neck
and tucked it under its wing. The next
day they sadly watched the stork wing
a 81 el,
and ice came; Christmas time brought
the children gifts and fresh amuse-
ments, but their summer pet was not
forgotten. When the spring came
round again their little feet used to
climb to the roof day by day, looking
and longing for the stork's return; and
behold! One fine morning there it was,
tame and gentle as ever.
Great was the children's delight, but
what was their surprise to discover
round its neck and under its wing an
other bright band with n note attached,
addressed to "the children who wrote
the letter the stork brought" The
ribbon was quickly united and the
missive opened. 1t was from mission
airy in Africa, stating that he had read
the children's note and had cared for
the stork, and thought that children
whose hearts had prompted them to
provide for the comfort of bird
through the winter would be willing to
help clothe and feed the little destitute
children of his mission. A full name
and address followed
The children were full of sympathy,
and the missionary's note won golden
answer from the family. Other letters
came and went by post between them
until by and by the children learned to
know the missionary and his little black
waits almost as well as they knew the
beloved stork that had proved SO trusty
messenger.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09

The German emperor is very much
of an autocrat, but he has many kindly
as well as kingly traits. One day he
and the empress, while out sleigh
riding, came across three little boys
in the Thiergarten, who were so busy
snowballing rs to overlook the imperial
couples approach. In consequence, ore
of the snowballs hit the monarch on tie
nose. "Did il hurt you, Herr Kaiser9
asked the little culprit, in an anxious
tone. eff so, you can hit me and call il
square" At this the royal couple
laughed merrily, and, taking the boy
address, the emperor next day sent him
n comical memento of the incident.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
VERY QUEER ANIMAL.
The Great Ant-Eater Is n Funny Comb
nation In Every Way.

The Great Ant-Eater Is u Funny Combi-
nation In Every Way.
With the exception of the jaguar, the
great ant-eater, the ant-bear, or crested
ant-bear, whichever you choose to call
him, is the most snowy quadruped in
all South America; nor am / at all
sure he is not entitled to first place.
In height and bulk full-grown speci-
men is about as large as Newfound-
land dog, and is really quite bear
shaped in body and legs. Its tail is
long and strong, and bears tremen-
dous brush of coarse, wiry, brown
black hair, which makes this organ
very noticeable. It's head is so small,
and it's muzzle SO fearfully prolonged,
that it reminds one of the head and
beak Of an ibis. It's mouth is Il narrow
slit across the end of that curious muZ-
zle, its tongue is like big angle-worn,
Il foot long, and it has no teeth what
ever. Its covering is rough coat of
long, coarse, brown hair, most strange
ly marked by black band underneath
the throat, which on the chest divides
into a long, wedge-shaped stripe of
black that extends backward and up
ward across the shoulder.
To me it has always been puzzle
why this creature should possess such
luxuriant coat of hair in so hot n
climate. Another point still more open
to criticism is his dubbed fore feet.
He walks on his claws, and the outer
edge of his fore feet, in most awk-
ward and even painful way, for which
there seems to be no adequate excuse
unless his feet We're formed that way
to vex the souls of wicked taxidcrmists
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
PUTTING A MAN TO SLEEP.
Several Ways Described and No Two of
Them Alike,

The man who has inst taken gas and
had tooth pulled while under its per-
suasive influence was sitting in chair
and rubbing the side of his jaw. After
the blood had stopped flowing, he UNI
bosomed himself adj libitum TO the circle
of sympathetic friends.
II have now been insensible three
times from interesting causes" he be-
gan. 'Once l was knocked out in a
glove fight, once was nearly drowned,
and this time have taken gas
"What was the difference in the sen
sations?" asked the man with the yell
low whiskers.
"Quite good deal" answered the vic
tim. Il remember that when 1 was
knocked out in n fight that there was
absolutely no accompanying phenom-
ena except sudden red flash in my eyes.
a moment later found myself sitting
water on me. The back of my head was
aching where 1 had hit the floor, and
there was scratch on my jaw. under
the ear. The other fellow had upper
! cut me as / ducked right-hander; his
wrist had caught my jaw, and that was
| all there was to it. In ten minutes was
around as clipper rs ever. The time l
was nearly drowned experienced near
| ly all the sensations. fancy, that come
| to a man about to die amid the waters.
and l want to say right now that all
| this rot of the novelists about sweet
music sounding in the cars and the past
| life passing before one and the death
being painless is an Internal lie. There's
no death more terrible. The water
! rushes intonose and mouth every breath
| isacutting. aching wave of liquid agony,
your chest seems bursting from the
weight of your lungs and the feeling is
enc of oppression and suffering from
| the moment the first drop of water
surges into the throat to the time you
| die or are rescued This time l have
taken gas, and the sensations are more
| like what the story writer's say of
drowning. l had good time while in
sensible, and was just arguing over a
bit of land with neighbor when came
| to and began to spit out chunks of
| tooth. The after effects? Well, have
pain in my gums and feel sleepy and
shaky on my pins. l think l will take a
nap right now"
And the man who had just lost tooth
began quiet slumber in his chair.-Chi-
capo News .r-)
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09

Put them as you will, they will not
look right; but to the living animal
their big, strong, hooked claws are very
useful in tearing the bark on decayed
logs, or ripping open ant hills for the
insertion of that sticky, worm-like
tongue. l have often been told by
South American hunters that the ant
bear uses his long, bushy tail to sweep
up ants with, So that they can be de-
voured more expeditiously; but fancy
that is only yarn"
Even when it is most plentiful, the
great ant-eater is Iore animal. AL
though 1 have hunted it many days,
I never saw but two specimens alive,
one of which was young one in cap
tivity at Ciudad Bolivar, on the Orinoco,
and the other was a magnificent large
specimen in Forepaugh's menagerie.
Owing to their lack of teeth and the
peculiarities of their diet, they are diff
iicult to keep alive in captivity. North
Of Panama this species is found only
in Guatemala and Costa RIGA, and II
very rare in both of those countries.
1t lives upon the ground, and its worst
enemies are the jaguar and the puma
William I. Hornaday, in ST. Nicholas.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
a OANDELION.

alden heart a-gleaminR In the grass
" - a fair morn o. May.
v ..oon TO touch you softly as pass
Along the common way.
~,rklng of one blue-sky and white-cloud
when free from vexing care,
rulled and curled your stems In childish
And woye them in my hair;
.. breathed across your phantom seed
sphere there
with wonder and delight
~ see YOU, spirit-like. rise In the air
And vanish out OF sight;
us,,eying while watched your shining
fight,
The breeding, blessed Power,
uvsterious and silent as the light,
would bring you back. flower.
A. sweet child-trust that bides through
sun and shower.
In wisdom all unskilled;
After long storms will come fateful hour
when II shall be fulfilled.
Hopes winged seeds, through all the years
unchilled,
bloom In the wayside grass.
The flower comes back and with heart
strangely thrilled
We bless II as we pass.
Anne l.. Muzzey. in N. Y. Sun.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09

exceedingly leaky tissue. You will
very soon succeed in this experiment.
Hereon follows :he second part:
Place your full, but not dripping, glass
of water, thus turned upside down, but
not inside out, over the full glass of
wine, and you will soon see little jets
of ruby penetrating the tulle in every
direction. 1t is the wine, progressively
mounting the superior glass, which in
the same proportion yields water to the
lower glass in the opposite direction.
At the end of about quarter of an
hour the exchange will be complete,
and you will see the lower glass filled
with pure transparent water, while the
upper one will be chock full of good, red
wine.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
He Answered the Question.

The following amusing passage took
place between counsel and witness in a
disputed will case:
"Did your father give you no parting
admonition?
"He never gave much away at any
time"
81 mean to say, what were his last
words?'
"They don't concern YOU"
"They not only concern me, sir" re-
marked the barrister, severely, "but
they concern the whole court"
"Oh, all right" was the reply. Father
said: Don't have no trouble when I'm
gone, Jim, cos lawyers is the biggest
thieves unhung.' "-Titbits.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
WATER UPSIDE DOWN.
A Very Pretty scientific Experiment for
Young People.

| N very fretty bcAoutAuc EAPoHihnons
Young People.
A pretty bit of scientific recreationt
which comes in handy after dinner ID
sometimes dignified with the classical
title of'The Revenge Of the Danaides"
in allusion to the daughters II Danaus,
who, as punishment to their crimcsy
were condemned to forever draw water
with leaky vessels.
Fill completely two glasses of exactlyi
the same size and shape, one with va
ter, the other with wine. Stretch over,
the mouth of the glass containing the
water a circular covering of tulle, some
what larger than the glass and pre-
viously moistened.
Now smooth the tapping over the
tulle as closely to the glass as possible,
and, applying the palm of the right
hand squarely to the mouth of this
glass, seize the stem with the left and
turn it quickly upside down, avoiding
the entrance of the air.
Next, slide the right hand softly
away from underneath, and, much to
your establishment, the tulle will re-
main adherent to the glass, while not a
drop of water will fall out through that
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
AKentucky Tramp.s Ruse.

A tramp visited all the houses of n
small town near Louisville, Ky, and
begged from every kind lady he met
a postage stamp, with which to write a
letter to his sick mother. He got the
stamp, or its equivalent, every time,
and went out of town with nearly five
dollars in his pockets as the result of
his successful ruse.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
Clever Boys Can Do This.

John Whalen, who is serving years
sentence in the Cook county Jail, ILL
nois, has made a handsome and unique
picture frame from cigar boxes. The
frame is 2Ox24 inches in size, and con-
tains nearly 1000 pieces of wood, benu-
tifully carved. A common pocket
knife and small hammer were Whalen'a
only tools.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09
INV WAY of Erperlment.

Nell--Chollic told me last night that
he thought my face would stop an angel
in its flight.
Belle-Don't you think you'd better
practice on a clock first, my dear?---
Philadelphia Record.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09

Omission to do what is necessary
seals commission to blank of danger;
and danger, like an ague, subtly taints,
ev'n then when we sit idly in the sum-
Shakespeare.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09

% wind, II winter comes, can spring
be far behind ?-Shelley.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-05-09

passed me everything wanted ana flled
my glass. For the life of me / couldn't
help grinning.
"Now then" he said, whats amusing
you?"
81 was only thinking, that's all. 1t
seems n queer way for person like you
to treat chap like me. came here to
crack this crib, you fairly get me, and
no word about the police-never a
word. First you give me thrashing
and then you give me supper"
"Well, you can't deny that you want
ed them very badly. What else should
a parson have done? What did you ex-
pect? Tell me honestly"
Speaking honestly, expected more
talk--more parson-talk, you know"
"And what do you mean by that?"
"Why, the sort of thing was always
hearing when was a boy-about the
sinfulness of it, and repenting, and
hell"
"Do you think it would do you any
| good il talked like that?"
"Well, no."
| "Nor do l." He changed the subject
then, and told me that there was good
chance for work at Enton mills. They
were short-handed there for the mo
ment, and he could give me line to the
foreman. "You tell me-" he said, shat
you are interested in machines, and
know a little about them; that might
help you. II you can do anything at all
special-anything, for instance, in the
way of repairs, when some trifle goei
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-09-06
G. A. II. GENERALS AGAINST BRYAN
Republican Plan for IA Tour of the
West.


CHICAGO. September "a plan for
Grand-Army generals TO make COM
bination tour OF the West In opposition
10 Mr.. Bryan was consummated at Re-
publican headquarters this afternoon.
General Russell A Alger and General
Daniel Sickles. the latter a Mckinley
Democrat stopped I'm Chicago on their
return from the Grand Army OF the
Republic Encampment. General Alger
placed his car at the disposal OF the
party Of speakers, who will be Generals
Alger and Sickles; General Franz Siegel,
Of New York, also a Mckinley Democrat;
General Thomas J. Stewart, Of Pennsyl-
vania; General Mulholland. Of New York.
and Corporal James 81. Tanner. OF Wash
ington.
1t was arranged TO begin the tour
through Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa,
Nebraska, Kansas, and Missouri Septem-
Der Hst. General Sickles, who speaks
IN Toledo on Monday night, went tonight
to Detroit, with General Alger as his
guest
Senators Thurston and Cullom will
speak in Canton September 18th. At the
request Of Major Mckinley, ex-senator
Spooner has consented TO leave Wiscon-
sin; and deliver addresses in Louisville,
Cincinnati, Indianapolis. Detroit. and
probably st. Louis. and three other large
cities.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-09-06
THE BOLTERs' HEADQUARTERS
Probably TO he Opened To-Morrow-
Southern Tour for Nominees.

INDIANAPOLIS. IND, September o.
Chairman w. d. Bynum, OF the Demo-
cratic boilers National Committee, will
probably go to Chicago Monday to open
headquarters there.
Another member Of the Executive Com
mittee has been appointed, c. Ney Hol-
man. Of Maine who will have charge OF
the literary bureau. X. G. Krauthoff,
of Missouri, another member. will have
charge of the speaking department. lie
left for his home to-day, and Will en-
deavor TO arrange his business affairs
so as 10 be able TO take the position.
Secretary Wilson is selecting the Motif
cation Committee whose duty II win be
TO notify the nominees. Hon John r.
Fellows. OF New York, will make the
speech notifying General Buckner. and
Senator Caffery, who served as perma-
nent chairman OF the convention, will no.
tify General Palmer.
The Executive Committee, or so much
OF It as has been appointed, is trying 10
arrange for the nominees to make a
short southern tour. The plan is to have
them 90 from Louisville after the no
tifcation. September 18th, and appear in
Nashville. September 18th. From there
they will go TO Memphis. and speak there
ON September 18th. Colonel Fellows al
ready has engagements TO appear at
these places on the dates mentioned, and
IL IS thought TO be a good idea TO make
the occasions as big as possible. Gene
raj Buckner is said TO be willing, and
General Palmer was wired to-day about
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-09-06
be a Lord Of Parliament and live In a
palace"
CLARKE COUNTY.
school Matters-Hog ChoIera-Per-
sOnaI and sOcfnl

BERRYVILLE. VA, September g.
(special)-Mrs. Fishpaw. widow OF Mr..
h. l.. Fishpaw. whose death by being
struck by lightning while ploughing, was
noted In this correspondence a few
months since. died at her home near
Wadesville Wednesday, after an Illness
OF several weeks
The Berryville High School will reopen
on Monday next. Mr.. NJ. w. Jones as
principal, will do but little teaching, his
time being occupied in other business,
but will supervise the whole school. Mr.
Charles +. Dlehl, OF Charlestown, w. Va,
graduate of Johns Hopkins University,
will have charge OF the first department.;
Mr.. Daniel. a native OF Charlotte county
and a graduate of the Virginia Military
Institute. has been selected to teach the
second department. The other Depart
ments will be filed as they were last
year by Mrs. l.. NJ. Glover, Miss Mamie
Phillips. Miss Kate Henson, and Miss
Eva HILL
Many farmers in the county are suffer-
ing from the ravageS OF cholera among
their hogs. Mr.. John T. Bell has already
lost eighteen head, and has number Of
others sick. while many other farmers
have been almost as unfortunate.
The crop OF peaches in this vicinity this
year is the largest raised for many years,
and the shipments, from points along the
Norfolk and Western and Baltimore and
Ohio railroads, are very large and the
fruit of prime quality.
\ COUNTRY PARTY.
Miss Edith Allen gave a party at the
beautiful residence of her father, Mr.. X.
o. Allen, on Wednesday evening, which
was one of the most enjoyable OF the en-
tertainments of the season. a large num-
Der OF young people from this county.
Charlestown, and Winchester. were pre-
sent and enjoyed the gayeties of the 90
casion.
The very young people were entertained
yesterday evening by little Miss Emily
C. Mccormick, at Monterey" the home
of Mrs. h. C. Lewis. The hostess fur
nished a farm wagon filled with hay to
convey her guests from Berryviue TO
Monterey" which is distance Of about
three miles from the town, and jolly
ride the little ones had, and a merry
evening after they reached their desdna-
ton.
PERSONAL.
Mr.. and Mrs. d. X. Meade left last week
for Taylor, Tex. Mr.. and Mrs. Meade ex-
pect TO remain in Texas until about
January LIST. Mr.. Meade having large
business interests there which demand
his attention.
Mrs Cornelia Mcdonald. OF Louisville,
Ky, and Miss Cornelia Lyme, of Hender-
SON. KY. who have been visiting relatives
in the county. left here Saturday morning
to visit relatives In stanton.
Miss Lulu Meade, OF Fauquier county,
is staying at "Chaumierve," the home OF
Mr.. ID. X. Meade
Miss Edmonia Powers Is at Cape May.
Miss Littlepage, OF Washington, Is WIS.,
ting Mr.. j. s. Powers.
Mr.. H. d. Reynolds Is visiting friends
in the county.
Miss Alice Walker, Of Washington. ID.
c., Is the guest OF Miss Nellie Griffith.
Mr.. j. Elliott Bryarly, OF this county.
has been appointed to a position on the
police force of Washington, d. c.