Crawford avalanche., 1896-05-28

Nv asningtOn star.
Expert-Oh, any fool can ride BIZ
cycle. Discouraged tyro-And nobody
but fool would ever try to ride one.--
Boston Transcript.
| Miss Dainty-Go away, dirty trampi
Restful Reddy with dignity)-Madam,
that is a purely superfiuous imputa-
ton. We are all mere clay.-Philadel-
phia North American.
| City man-How fer is your house
from the station? Suburbanite (hesi-
tatingly) = Well = that depends on
| whether you are running to catch q
train.-Somerville Journal eaa
"Wanter flip pennies. you four-eyed
kidT asked the rude little boy. with
pleasure" answered the Bostonlan in
FAINT. "Will you choose the diverse,
or reverse seT-Indianapolls Journal e
| Mrs Penman--A penny for your
thoughts. dear. Mr.. Penman-I was
just wondering why the editor has re-
| fused to give me even that much for
them.-Yonkers Statesman.
Cunliffe-Did Roarer ever realize any
Of his political ambitions? "No, poor
fellow; he never got any higher than
the position Of a favorite son."-Phila-
delphia North American.
Our bairnies-Children, l hope you
peeled the apples before eating themf
Yes, mother, dear" what have you
done with the peelings?" "Oh, we ate
them afterr,-Familienbla
"Most extraordinary man." "In what
wayY II think he's the only man in
the country who has a manufacturing
plant Of any description and hasn't be-
gun to make bicycles. Chicago Post
Though nature daubs with reckless grace
| In field and wood, without restraint,
One springtime artist beats her pace Ia
'Tis woman, with pot of paint. gt,a
Chicago Record.
Hopkins-There's no reform about
these boomers the women are wear
ing. Brown-Why? Hopkins-I find 1t
just as hard as ever to find my wife's
pocket.-Philadelphia North American.
Shortson-Shyson, until now I have
never felt obliged to ask you for a
loan. Shyson--And, strange to say,
Shortson, until now have never felt
obliged to refuse you.-Roxbury Ga
zette. ru tan sN
Judge-Have you anything to say
before the judgment of the court Is
passed upon you? Tough prisoner
Begin yer honor's pardon, hev ye
heard the score, judge ?-Philadelphia
| Record. 4t
"How large were the diamonds?"
asked the press agent, pausing In the
writing Of the account for publication.
"About as large as chestnuts," confess
ed the actress, neutrality-suspicious.
oils Journal. s-s:s
Stranger-Your city hall is quite I'M
pressive, but 1t lacks warmth of color.
1t gives one an impression Of chilliness.
elphian-Chilliness! Well, rath-
er! 1t cost about $16,OOO.0O0 in cold
cash!-Philadelphia Press.
I'D like to be man." she said, re-
gretfully. II like you better as you
are" he replied; and her smile made
II evident that, after all, she was thor
oughly satisfied with affairs as they
stood. od.-Philadelphia North American. :.
Visiting Acquaintance you
find 1t a great deal cheaper to live out
here In the country than 1t was In the
city? Mr.. Subbubs-M-no, It's about
the same. My wife brought her chatting
dish along with her.-Milwaukee Jour"
nal
Teacher-How many weeks in the
year. Tommy Timkins? Tommy-Only
fifty this year. Teacher-You know
very well that there are fifty-two. Tom
my-No'm; not this year. Pa says he's
going to take two weeks off.-Roxbury
Gazette.
what are you looking for? We've
got everything worth taking" II am
looking" The other burglar con-
tinued his search. for the much
larger booty which the newspapers to-
morrow will say we overlooked. ."-Har-
per's Bazaar. ~
"a child" said the oracular young
person, "can ask questions that wise
man cannot answer" "That's one sat
isfaction," said the man Of family, "he
can't ask very many Of them without
getting sent to bed."-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
Inquiring offspring-Pa, what does
this mean about "giving to airy moth
ings a local habitation and a namsT
Intelligent Parent-Oh, something in
connection with the apothecary shop,
where they dispense sweetened wind at
8 cents glass and call 1t soda!-Boston
Transcript
'T suppose when you were In the
| White Mountains last summer you en-
joyed the echoes very muchT "No, I
didn't. 1 went to hear them with Char
lie Bullard, and when they repeated
what he said they really bored me very
much. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
/ Among the rigands.--Friendly Ma
tive Shaking hands with stranger about
to depart)-I wish you pleasant jour-
ney, sir, and hope you won't be molest-
ed by the brigands. Gentleman (who
has been badly fieeced ut the inn)-Your
advice comes too late, my friend; the
things done.-Leschaalle.