Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1896-02-13
HlT.EM-HARDs AND JoKERS
Into These Two Broad Glasses are the
Funny" Things Divided-All Sorts
of Personal Peculiarities Played
Upon-Artists' Grudges and Griey
ances Duly Depicted on Paper.


that burden is. Learn, then, that the
person to whom | have referred draws
about 900 valentine pictures every year,
and each of them is printed in edi-
tions of $4,000. Most of them are sold
in this country, but there is also quite
an export trade with Europe. The
most popular of them run through
many editions. But let us suppose that
each Of them has two editions. That
will give total of 27,000,000 a year.
Now, reflect, further, that everyone of
them is designed to make somebody
swear, and you begin to get an idea Of
the terrible business in which this ar
fist is engaged. Let us suppose that
20,000,000 of them reach their destina-
tons, and that each individual recipient
swears only five times. We have
total of 100,000,000 cuss- words, for
which my friend, the artist, is directly
responsible, every year. Suppose,
further, Tnat the artist holds his job
thirty-six and half years, and after
wards suffers in purgatory one day for
every piece of violent language caused
by him, as computed above, he will be
there 10000, 900 years. and do not call
it enough, writes Howard Fielding in
New York paper of recent date.
These mathematical operations are
founded upon exact facts. In this let
ter am simply trying to state mat
ter of news in plain words.
/ have known the valentine artist for
a long time, but never suspected him
of doing anything of that kind. 1t was
only yesterday that | learned about it.
/ went into his work shop Just as he
finished drawing. looked over his
shoulder expecting to see a pretty pic
ture designed for one of the magazines,
with the familiar signature, G. Howard.
Instead saw horrible freak wearing
white apron and engaged III pouring
cats into sausage-mill.
That's sweet thing, Howard" said
l. Whats it for?"
For butcher said he. Its in
tended to be a slight token of some
body's regard on Feb. IA. I've made
nearly a thousand of these things this
year What do you suppose old Saint
Valentinus, patron of the pleasant occa-
sion, will do with me when he gets
hold Of me?"
That naturally led to a discussion of
the whole subject. 1t appears that
Howard does not allow these drawings
to interfere in any way with his art
work. He has very nice way of get
ting the time to do them In those
moments of dissatisfaction which an
ordinary man would waste in swearing
or in throwing fellow creature down
stairs Howard simply draws valentines
| was glad to know this, for | had
been at a loss to account for the ex-
emplary mildness of his disposition. 1t
would be unjust, of course, to compare
so favored person with ourselves We
do not have the opportunity of insult
ing 100000 strangers every year We
must do the best we can with only our
families and friends.
1t appears that comic valentines are
all offensive. They are divided broadly
into two classes, which are known tech
nically as the Hit em. Hards" and the
Long Jokers." BY the rules of or
binary social courtesy person may
reply to Long Joker with a club; but
if he gets Hit'emeHard he takes
down the old musket from the wall
The enormous sale of these things
proves that they must fill longing of
the human heart. The two sexes feel
this want about equally Just as many
are painted for men as for women. l
regard that as an interesting fact which
might easily escape the notice Of
less acute student OF human nature
than myself. Just how badly you have
to hate person before you feel i'm
PEELED to insult him pietorially ON the
18th Of February am unable to state
But there must be good many million
people in this country who could tell
from their personal experience. This
practice shows the general recognition
OF the artistic value of contrast. An
added charm must cling to the picture
of jackass labelled This is You"
when it is received on the day sacred
to lovers tokens
Mr. Howard tells me that these
valentines are all directed to the picto-
rial exhibition of some human fault or
folly. III they were confined to any
other field he might find 1t difficult TO
draw as many as 900 In single year
A considerable number of the yalen.
tines intended for women satirize &C.
centricites Of fashion. This winter
there is a great field for that sort Of
work in the prevailing style Of capes
The preposterously broad and stift
shoulders with their convoluted edges
turned up. make woman look like the
head of John the Baptist on charger
Mr. Howard tells me that he has tried
to exaggerate the absurdities Of this
kind of cape and has failed.
Il can't make it look worse than II
really does when / see 1t on the street,
he said, and so | have TO make up for