Omaha daily bee., 1896-04-18

New York Tribune: "That was an excel
| lent answer" Admiral 1ouett remarked. "an
able seaman gave to land-lubber visitor on
man-ot-war, who asked: What do you
sailors dol?
"'well,' responded the Jolly tar, we does
about what we please until wo are told to do
something else. and then we does that putty
d. quick"
Cincinnati Enquirer; seen Bill Brown
when | was up TO town." said the man with
the gum boots. settling himself on the salt
barrel. "Conductin street car"
81 thought Bill was goin into business for
hsself." said the grocer.
wal, l allow he is to some extent, but the
| company amt got on to II yet"
Harpers Bazar: George dearr"
| She locked anxiousy at the clock, which
| pointed to 1890
| what is It, love?'
II don't wish to hurry you away. George,
but you know that papa is not overly fond Of
| vnr, and he is an carly riser"
At this hint George commenced to get
ready to take his departure.
Cleveland Recorder: The healthfulness OF
Lynton a summer resort in Devon, England,
is advertised by this story;
Recently q visitor began to talk to an old
man in Lynton, and asked him his age
whereupon he said: IL am Just over TO-"
well" said the visitor, "you look as IL
you had a good many years to live yet. AT
what age did your father die?"
Father dead" said the man, looking sur
prised Father isn't dead; he's up stairs
putting grandfather to bedH'
Chicago Tribune Mr.. Nextage-My dear
did you mail those letters l gave you this
| morning?
Mrs. Nextage (removing her wraps)--I did
"Did you order that -four l told you !
wanted?"
al did,
"How happens 1t you are so late in coming
home this EVENING""
81 had to attend ward caucus"
what makes you smell so strongly oil
cloves?"
"we-h'm-we had our meeting in a room
over a spice factory
"Well, YOU can take the baby and walk
with him an hour or two. You've walked
him up
Cincinnati Enquirer: 1.-THE popularity Of
the onion" said Asbury Peppers, helping
himself to three of the half dozen young
springs" the landlady had provided as a
special treat, sis due to the law Of gravita-
ton"
wait" said the High school boarder. 81
don't quite comprehend"
"The law of gravitation," Mr.. Peppers
common scenter."
Washington Star: "Ah, that was sad
case"
"What?"
"Why, poor Bilkins got in tight place
and defaulted for nearly 100000 Very sad,
very sad. / wonder If they won't be able to
compromise the case in some way"
"By the way, what was done with that
fellow who stole a bucket of coal from your
woodshed?"
"Oh. the internal thief went to the peni-
tentiary | prosecuted the case right up to
the end. There should be no sympathy with
thieves"
Atchison Globe: We are thankful every
day that we live in the country. We have
long wanted to visit New York, but we are
afraid to. A man from Iowa, a harness
maker of good reputation went to New York
lately to see the sights. In buying a piece
of plug chewing tobacco he carelesely showed
a So bill. strange woman who saw the
money Immediately fell on his neck and
said:
"oh, William, William, why did you desert
me?"
The harness maker from Iowa had never
seen the woman before, but she had him ar
rested, saying she was married to him in
1869. He was finally compelled to give her
the s. bill to get rid of her.
IN
Denver Republican.
By reason Of the fact that it is permitted
to haul American goods in bond from one
point on the international boundary to an
other, the Canadian Pacific is able to greatly
injure American railroads. 1t is not sub
ject to the interstate commerce law, and
can, therefore, make whatever rates 1t
pleases Thus it takes from American lines
business which, beginning and ending in the
United States, ought to be done by American
roads. The whole matter could be disposed
of by Withholding from the Canadian Pacific
the privilege of hauling American goods in
bend. The power to correct this evil is in
the hands of the president, and he has been
urged many times to exercise it. But there
is certain New England interest which
wishes the discrimination continued, for 1t
admits of the transportation of articles man.
ufactured in or near Boston to points in the
west, the goods being routed by way of the
Canadian Pacific in bond