Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-01-16
WIGGLEsWORrH AND THE LADDER
He Expected to DO Great Things With 1t.
A Sad Ending.


age, the autumn breeze caught at one end
Of the ladder and thrust 1t about, SO that
its other end picked off the bonnet and top
hair of a woman who was on her way to
the postoffice, and who instantly emitted
a startled scream, whereupon Mr. Wiggles-
worth whirled the ladder around just in
the nick of time to project it into the
stomach of fat gentleman, whose breath
it instantly shot out Of him with loud
wool!
Mrs. Wigglesworth could easily discern
these particulars, and her Imagination
supplied the language Of the fierce alter
cation that Immediately ensued. Full of
kindly interest for her husband, she rushed
to the front door.
"Why, Elleryl' she cried in voice
charged with sympathy, "what have you
got there9"
"What We s'pose 1t is9' retorted Mr..
Wigglesworth, who at that moment had
the ladder involved in the gate, where it
caught in seven or eight different places
at once. "Ihink it's soda fountain,
don't yes Looks like horseless wagon
prob'lyS'
II see that it's ladder" said Mrs.
Wigglesworth in placating tome, but
what are you going to do with it9'
what does anybody do with a LADDER"
snarled Mr.. Wigglesworth MASKING a
picket out Of the gate, and then, as the lad
der suddenly fetched loose, staggering vio-
lently into the yard and poking out GEL
lar window. "Going to use it to sift ashes
with, of course. Whad We s'pose got 1t
for, to wear to masquerade ball9"
Throwing the ladder to the ground
and kicking it once Or twice as relief to
his feelings, Mr.. Wigglesworth pulled his
neoktie off his shoulder and took critical
survey Of the house caves.
First thing" he said when his breath
had got to playing regularly through his
lungs, sis to h list the thing up"
"You want to get right under 1t and
keep pushing" suggested Mrs. Wiggles-
worth.
"That's it," returned her husband,
eye hit it first time. How to Find
Out Things, by Mrs. Wigglesworth, for
the use of wives who want to make home
attractive in spite of themselves"
Grasping the ladder at one end, he raised
it above his head and walked slowly under
1t until Its weight became excessive.
ssCatch hold here, can't yer" he cried.
WANT to see the thing fall and cave in
my head?"
Mrs Wigglesworth promptly lent assist
ance, and the instant her husband fell the
relief he took down his own benumbed
arms and caressed them. Mrs. Wiggles-
worth endured the burden for few brief
seconds and then, with loud cry, dropped
her hold and jumped away. The ladder,
gathering downward, scraped closely ia
Mr.. Wigglesworth' ear and nearly broke
of one Of his shoulders.
When he had recovered, they called the
hired girl. Mrs. Wigglesworth was shown
how to rest her weight upon one end OF
the ladder, while Mr.. Wigglesworth and
Iinogene should begin at the other end and
by slow progression raise it against the
side of the house.
cliff Lift'' grunted Mr.. Wiggles-
worth to the hired girl. Don't leave 1t
all for me to dol'
'It's beginning to lift at this end, y
called Mrs. Wigglesworth in agitation.
"Well, hold it still" bawled her hus-
band.
81 can'tl' screamed Mrs. Wigglesworth,
and then, to her horror, sho felt herself
slowly rising from the ground.
Mr.. Wigglesworth and Imogene, having
penetrated beyond the center of gravity,
acted us fnlcrum, and the longer end Of
the ladder, following the law of physics,
trailed downward, lifting Mrs. Wiggles-
worth at the opposite extremity. The
weight pressed awfully upon Mr.. Wiggles-
worth, but he dared not loose his hold for
fear it all might come down upon him in
disaster. Then he noticed his wife.
''Get off that ladderp' he yelled. "What
We doing up theres'
ell can't help 1t, Ellory!" screamed
Mrs. Wigglesworth gripping tenaciously
at the rounds. "Oh, do let me down."
"Let ye down." howled Mr.. Wiggles.
worth. "How ye s'pose I'm stopping yei
Boost, can't yep he Kissed to the hired
girl, who, with eyes stonily set in her
head, held aloft a pair of red arms that
never WINGED nor faltered.
Staggering about in this painful fash.
ion, seesaw motion was communicated
to the ladder, and Mrs Wigglesworth bob.
bed slowly up and down like an old fash.
toned pair of steclyards
"Quit that teetering!" shouted Mr..
wigglesworth, the veins of whose neck
were getting ready to burst and run all
over his wilted collar. "What We think
this Is, gaine9 Reckon it's Sunday
school picnic, don't YET"
These observations seemed to be forced
out Of him explosiyely, as he trod up and
down the soggy lawn. People going by
had to stop, astounded to see a man and
woman balancing ladder above theil
heads for no ostensible reason and another
woman bobbing away upon one end Of II
and screaming. A crowd Of these people
now lined the fence, and some Of them
even volunteered advice.
II wouldn't stay up there any longer,
kindly ventured benevolent looking
man. "That rocking motion is certain tc
produce nausea.
TITS an elopement--don't you see II
isf'' put In man with purple nose.
That old fellow under the ladder caught
her just In time.
She looks too aged to be clipping" said
man In whiskers.
You can't tell" retorted the purple
"Some Of these women will do anything
to get married !"
II think, called the benevolent look.
Ing man, "that II you can hold on for a
few moments longer ! can ring up the
hook and ladder company" And he
made as II he would start of instantly.
Some Of these remarks penetrated to the
ears Of Mr.. Wigglesworth. Maddened by
the ireadfulness Of the situation, enraged
BY the thought that he was creating a
scane that would be certain to get Into tbs
papers, he put all his strength Into action
and charged with biz burden up the drive