Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-10-29
THE CAMPAIGN CLUB
"Wi1O An DE MANip ASKS HON. NICK
oDEMuS WASHINGTON.

|
culiar Description of q Candidate and
Tells Why the Candidate Wins His Sup
port-Some Remarkable Tars1 Statistics.
"Gemlen," began Brother Gardner,
when the Campaign club had been called
to order, "de Hon. Nickodemus Washing
ton Of Kentucky am In de antyroom an
waitin to address US on de subjick Of polly
ticks. De gemlen am said to be bril-
liant orator an forcible speaker, an he
also makes q shoe polish dat won't wash
of. He has applied fur permission to
name a new brand of whitewash arter dis
club, an has about decided to grant his
request. De committee will now bring de
gemlen in.
The Hon. Nickodemus had no sooner
entered the hall than he began pulling off
his coat and vest, and by the time he
reached the platform he also had his collar
and tie off. His actions showed that he
was there for business and didn't propose
to waste any time The members hadn't
half sized him up when he stepped to the
front of the platform and said:
"Why dis turmoil Why dis excitementf
Why desc flags an de boomin Of cannonr
De presidenshual campaign Of 1896 has
opened Gt laet, an dar am redhotness all
along de line De Republican party has
put Its man In nominashun, an am yere
tonight to speak of dnt man an his record.
[Cheers
"Let US know our man fust of all" con-
tinued the orator as he got O new grip
with bis feet. "Yo' hev all heard dc name
hundred times ober, but who am de
man9 am yere to say to yo' dat he am
white man. He am bout foot 10 inches
high, weighs 100 pounds, an he can eat
mo- pumpkin pie at one meal dan any Cd
der man in dc world. [Great applause
My own son am head waiter tn o Cleve-
land hotel, an he told me wifi his own
nouf dat Mistah Mckinley got away wild
fo' pumpkin pies In de space Of 10 minits
ITO my own sartin knowledge, he also
carries sdreambook in his coattail pocket,
an when he gifts up in de mawnin, If he
has dreamed bout seein q black cat chasin
a white rabbit frew co'nfeld, yo' can't
git him outer de house dat hull day As
to watermillyonD an persimmons, he dotes
on 'em, Gn he amt afeared to say So
lCheers]. In de watermillyon sezun he
kin be seen gwine hum any eavenin wild q
lunkin big millyon under each arm an
mo- to cum up by de waein. Applause
"Io' will nRcherally wanter know what
de man has dun in de past" said the or
ator after helping himself to drink. 81
has bin tracin him back fur almost fo'ty
vars, an I kin tell yo' all about it. He
didn't hev muffin to do wild de pyramids
of Egypt. an he doan go round claimin It,
He didn't cross the Delawar' wild Gineral
an he didn't land from de
Mayfower. Dat wasn't his fault, howeber
Tho wasn't bon soon huff. He amt no
poet, on we doan' claim he invented de
can opener.
"He jist didn't lean dat way. could
lie to yo' dat he had stopped runaway
hosses, killed mad dawgs an saved inner
cent chlllun from dc trolley cara, but dis
am to be q campaign Of truth. shall vote
for Mckinley bekase de hull nashun owes
him debt of gratitude" continued the |
speaker as the dust settled down. "He Is
de man who fixed de tariff so dat it bene-
fits everybody. Befo' he got up dat bill |
oowoumber pickles war 10 cents a dozen at
ebery grocery. Today dey am only s, an |
de market am fallin.
"Three Vars ago had to pay e6 cord |
fur stove wood Today Ikin git it fur s5, |
an If dc nightam dark on rainy doan' hev |
to pay cent. wild applause. Look at |
chickens. Befo' dat new tariff went into |
effect chickens was strong at 10 cents |
pound kin go today an buy a carload at |
TO- [Cheers and whoops. Same way wild |
bacon-gone down cents o pound, while |
goldfish am wabblin about an hevin O hard |
some to hold its own. Enthusiastic ap-
Dlause Right yere on my hand am a
iimun ring dat yo' couldn't buy three |
2 'ars ago short Of seben dollars De Jew
,lers went about wild deir heads in de air
IN DER jaws sot, but Mckinley struck em
vid his tariff, an de odder day bought dat
ing fur s5. wild and prolonged cheer
ng. Three vars ago all suspenders war
30 cents o par, wild firm market. To-
lay yo' kin take yo'r choice Of hundred
brands fur only Q shillin, wild de market
way down in de dumps.
I'VE hev cent lemonade, cent cigars,
cent whisky, 80 cent shirts and Is cent
straw hats, an Mckinley gin 'em to us.
Rent Is down SO low dat it doan' pay de
andlord to bodder yo', while de man who
blacks stove an whitewashes ceilin kin
X so per cent mo- dan eber befo'. Zap
,lause which put out two lamps In
vindin up my remarks, which hope hev
pleased yo', let me say dat dere am ban
Ter on de outer wall, an on dat banner am
Mckinley or death, one an in
eparable, E pluribus unum and vote airly
In often.' >" Frantic and boisterous ap-
,lause, during which nearly ell the plaster
ell off the ceiling, the rest of the lamps
vent out and the meeting broke in two in
5he darkness.l M. QUAD.