The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-10-17
L0AFERS.
Sam Jones Divides Mankind Into
Five Glasses.
Horses and Dogs Can BE Classified In
Like Manner Work for Nothing
Rather Than Do Nothing
for Pay.

business men and laboring men. There
seems to be room in America for each
of these classes. There are two classes
of loafers: those who sit still and those
who tramp, with the odds in favor of
the fellow who will walk. And l be-
Iieve the class known as loafers are null
tiplying. / know men in my town who
have not struck a lick of work at any
thing in years. I can remember the day
when we had only one of that sort; and
1 think I know a dozen or more to-day.
We frequently hear the remark that So
and-so is getting along all right and he
don't seem to be doing anything. Never
theless the fact remains that every bite
a loafer eats and every garment he
wears costs somebody something.
Nature seems to have endowed some
men and specially equipped them for
being loafers. Sometimes they inherit
d little money. l have known them to
earn a good prize in q lottery or win a
big bet on an election. ] have known
many of them endowed with a patient,
toiling, economical wife who will either
keep boarders or take in sewing, and
who pridsd herself upon the fact that
she could not only take care of her hus-
band, but his children besides.
1t is a very hard matter for an over
worked man to have n patience with
loafers and tramps and vagabonds. The
Bible says: "If a man will not work
neither shall he eat" and whoever lives
without work is beating his way
through this world whether he be rich
or poor, a loafer on a goods box, a dude
in society, or an old bum. l believe I
have more respect for the old bum.
Maybe he was of some account before
he was a drunkard; but l have no re-
spect for the constitutional loafer who
prides himself on the fact that he can
do three things at once-whittle,
whistle and rest. I sec the same dispo-
sition in horses and dogs. The horse
that has the disposition of a loafer lags
behind and let's the other horse do the
pulling. The dog that has the DISPOSE
ton is lying always quietly near the
kitchen door waiting patiently for the
crumbs, while the other dog stands on
guard, runs the pigs out of the yard, and
earns the living the other old fat, lazy
dog is filching from him.
There is one popularity about a
loafer: he is always looking for work.
He has been doing his best to get a job
for months and years; like the one-eyed
tramp whom the good lady was giving
his breakfast and sympathizing with
him in his cadaverous looks; and she
asked himMllow he lost his other eye.
He said that he lost it looking for work.
Anybody who wants a job bad enough
can get a JOB. / never saw the day in
my life when I could not find something
to do, soon or late, drunk or sober;
though I have spent many an idle day
ostensibly looking for a job. / have
seen a %loafing doctor, a loafing lawyer,
a loafing preacher, a loaf1ng dentist, a
loafing farmer loaf themselves out of
house and home, decency and respecta-
bility.
Nearly every laboring man is keep
ing up some loafer connected with his
own family or related to his wife. We
do not need any more loafers. We
have got about as many nov as we can
carry till we get the free and unlimited
coinage of silver. And most of Them
are for the free and unlimited coinage
of silver and a radical change in our
financial policy. If positions were
Matched out like chickens the loafers
could furnish the world with positions,
for they are setting-but like the old
hen setting on porcelain door knobs.
The only thing she does in her setting is
10 set a bad example without special in
jury to the door knobs.
If the negro had the correct way he
would call all these loafers lawyers;
negro on the witness stand he repeated
the question to him, saying: "Tom,
what kind Of a dog did you say that
VAST"
"Boss, TIE done told you three times;
he was q yaller dog"
"Oh, 1 know you did; but I mean what
was the character of the dog?"
"He didn't have no character. He Just
laid round and eat all de time and staid
fat. He wouldn't u rabbits, he
wouldn't stand guard, he wouldn't do
nothing; and dat ere is what made 'em
call i'm what dey did"
What did they call him, Tom?"
Lawyer, sir" replied the darby.
Most men who are much account are
over-worked. A man who can enjoy
being a vagabond or a loafer is a consti-
~tutionally good-for-nothing, stand-up-
observation-disclosures rascal. To see the
farmers in town every day, or a lawyer
on the street all the time, a mechanic
sitting down in front of his shop play.
ing checkers, a merchant out playing
baseball and tennis and q little scrub
clerk running his business, is evidence
that the sheriff or a receiver will soon
take possession Of what is left. Dill
gence, fidelity, industry, honesty are
the basic principles of a true man. To
shirk and querk, to lie out and lay out,
to eat other peoples grub and enjoy
the toll of their sweat without return Ia
Them ought to be a~penitentiary oRense,
if we had penitentiaries enough to take
care of the numbers that would GO
there. A man who enjoys loafing, his
constitution is gone and his bylaws
need amending badly. / had rather be
a doodle digger than a loater. I had
49,