The herald., 1896-03-01
HUTCHISON STILL ALIVE
He Comes Forward With q Budget o.
Fresh Kicks
Bushes, Dogs, Chinese New Yssr, swiii
Wagons and Other Things Receive
Attention at His Hands


Wagons and Other Things Receive
Attention at His Hands
This village contains some Of the thrift
lest people that ever spent $3.50 on a
swell wedding.
Not many generations ago attended
wedding which duly wrote up. While
was at the latter unpleasant task the
father Of the bride asked me to give them
"swell send.off'' and send half dozen
copies of the paper, as he was not sub
scriper and would like to see the notice and
have few copies for his relatives, etc.
The unpopularity of the modest blush
was never better attested than in these
unique times.
The fortunate youth or maiden who has
enough modesty to blush at immodest
demonstrations has little company and
less sympathy.
That we have changed the meaning of
the word unblushing does not argue in our
favor.
In size, ferocity and ubiquity, the Spring
canine specimens. 1t is not . rare pleas
ure here to run into the open jaws of q
herd of these brutes on almost any street,
especially on Main and Spring streets,
where the joyous people always congregate
with the dogs.
The unholy hours that are kept by the
swill wagon would protest against tn Q I'm.
hav aNppId kVvf
move their fingers from their closed
nostrils without danger Of instantaneous
extinction by the diabolism of the odors of
swishing, swashing, swelling, smelling
swill wagon.
This seasons Chinese new year seems
liable to outlast the year by some weeks.
The pigtailed imps from purgatory still
and bombs and torpedoes with the pious
and thrifty purpose Of attracting the atten-
ton, dollars and cents of the sepseless MIN
nies that are continually attracted by such
things.
If decent white or black people were to
rend the air for five minutes as these pests
to arrest all the decent people in sight.
What do the Chinese pay for the privilege
Of making the weeks hideous. and to whom
is the collateral conveyed?
Are we to have new water rates, or is the
cut made purposely illegal at the instiga-
ton of the instigatory corporation coin?
1.-THE coroner's jury attaches no blame to
the railroad company for the killing of Joe
HAYDEN" So say the papers.
What lunatic ever heard of local cor.
oner's jury that ever did attach any blame
to anything except itself-to which useless
body blame attaches itself as to a loade
stone.
switch is turned in the middle of fly
ing train, a few people are killed, and the
coroner's jury secretly attacks the corpse
and attaches a load of blame to it's un-
worthy self. Then the public is notified
that the dead are dead yet, that the rail.
road company is weeping, that it is entirely
blameless and beatifically sweet over the
whole matter, that no unpaid person
should desecrate the corpse or the corpora.
ton by charging the latter with anything
but the most fatherly care for it's patrons
and victims. What q fearful price we pay
for our extinction!
1t appears to me that the people OF Eu-
rope, who almost never have any railroad
accidents, are consummately careful of
themselves; or that they have sensible
laws and honest coroners; or that we are
with machinery and juries; or that our
coroners and coroners' juries need men to
sit upon either honestly, or very hard, or
both.
Our theaters are still infested with actors
drivelers play all night than to listen to
good actors for two hours, then go home
like decent people with beds of their own
and the habit of sleeping therein.
Frederick Warde usually wins many
friends by his afternoon addresses and his
forenoon discourses at all sorts of assem-
when he spoke before the Friday Morning
Club of this city, and took occasion to re-.
mark how much all good men admire wo-
menly women, good, girlish girls, and
motherly mothers, and other modest, an
gelic creatures.
The papers state that his eloquent re-
marks won very little applause, and that
one ancient maiden said: 1.-THE idea of
making such an absurd speech before this
club" or words to that effect, Poor Fred
There is hardly large school house in
this city the vicinity of which is not in
tested with band of adult boodlums who
lie in wait for school boys and school girls
many of whom are stopped or waylaid and
contact with the most depraved of his sa.
tanic majesty's servants.
The same young hoodlums make the
night hideous in the vicinity of Date
street and many olher streets, but the po
lice seem unable to break up these diaboli
cal combinations.
Not all of our condensed pork is put ul
at the packing houses. Besides think i,
necessary to build school houses. Yours
truly, EDWARD L. HUTCHINSON.
The little daughter of Mr.. Fred Webbe r
Holland Ma So, had very bad cold ant
cough which he had not been able to cure
with anything. l gave him 25 cent bottle
of Chamberain's Cough Remedy, says W
F. Holden. merchant and postmaster at
West Brinfield, and the next time l saw
him he said it worked like charm. This
remedy is intended especially for acute
throat and lung disease such as colds
Group and whooping cough, and is famous
for it's cures. There is no danger in giving
it to childrelffor it contains nothing injur
ious. For sale by Off & Vaughn, Fourth ant
Spring streets, and e.. +. Heinzeman, 222
kHn:,