The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1896-02-06
TOO MANY Ctd4ONEIS.
North Dakcta is Being ovorrup
with Them.
-" Nostisc Gramhopper. They Hrul-
,ii swarm Ovor the
No rsiyates Are
=sona Them.

ississanco as the Russian cactus
s1se iilrgo Argus, They are mul
'g and increasing with danrcr
rlpidity. You can scarcely throw
assoiic alta dog without running the
INN q accidentally hitting a colonel
Sai1nels in mufti, which may be broad.
e'sta or corduroy, in stable frocks or
FAeepers' aprons, taking orders for
n2o'ss or rubber stamps or selling pat.
ens meaieines or plasters, are as com.
mon as straight whisky in. Kentucky
oi' as new theories of government in n
pepulIst nass-meeting. 1t was once
Proposed to raise a regiment composed
entirely OF colonels, The troubles now
aealys would be not to get the regiment,
'pue 70 seiectfrom enough applicants for
~ army corps. Fargo alone couldprob-
any furniah more colonels than there
are IN the active list Of the army--and
some OF targo's colonels are men who
really have served in the army, which
distinguishes them from the colonels
OF most communities. The Captain
the "Jedge" and the major are not
% be mentioned in the same day with
ene colonels. These old relics of south.
srn parrooms are vastly in the minor
ity' and the day of the colonels is at
hand. -
!, Like the lilies of Egypt they thronr;
IKE the grasshoppers Of Missouri thev
congregate. From every station IN
me- from every profession, Of every
age and condition, there are colonel,
70 the right and left, colonels ad lih.
itnm and ad nauseam. From whence
TINS great aggregation of colonelistic
talent3 Where have been bred the
eagles that have swooped down and
roasted upon all these shoulders? Some
OF them were infants in arms when the
iate war closed, some of them were
manipulators of hotel registers and
coneocters of the tittilating cocktail
while the war ragged, and some have
been tenders of equestrian steeds since
they have been high enough to reach a
stirrup, How come these to be dubbed
''colonel?',
Faithful and persistent inou;rv |
among the colonels themselves throws
little light upon the subject. Some
cannot claim anything better than
tnat their wives people kept a hotel
Where the soldiers boarded. They do {
not claim, even, that they themselves
Kept the hotels. There would seem to
De shadow of reason why the ma /
lestlc creature, in clean, starched l
SHIRT and Alaskan diamond pin. lool,- t
ng complacently to heaven as he c
balances q toothpick with his lips and i
ilrusts penholder at guest, should a
e called BY high-sounding military n
Tile, but to dub man colonel only he. c;
ause his father-in.law's brother ltent Al
boarding-house seems to be stra;n. W
ng point. Another colonel. when m
sked as to his command, hemmed a Al
tile put on a frown, supposed to be "
cree, pulled his shirt collar a little m
igher, and replied that he had for. 81
often the number Of his regiment 81
IL was so long ago, you know and / q
ave always had bad head for fio- III
res" Another explained that hay- 81
g formed partnership with major w
no was junior in concern, It be. re
me necessary, as matter Of disci- m
Inc to the help, that he should rank
s partner. The fact remains how. tn
er, that the colonels are overrunpinp Ch
e earth and consuming the substance &c
ereof. Privates are as scarce as the pr
eth OF hens. Most unmilitary people no
INK that corporal is the higher off, sta
:, and whoever hears of sereeantp tn,
lere is general impression abroad do
At colonel has something to do ma
On florses-something between far pol
r and veterinary surgeon-and the wa
u coionels, the few who really bore goc
Gle Sam's commission as such. arc tirs
thout honor in the country where
OK colonels constitute majority a.
male population over the are Of !.
enty.