davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
A Typewriter Love Letter.

When a person becomes aocustom-
cd to doing a thing in a certain
manner, nothing is harder than to
break the old habit. A certain young
newspaper man in this city has been
in the habit of writing all his copy
with the aid of a writer, and
last week he sat down and wrote a
very lengthy letter to his girl, and
then, scoring a dash under the writ
ing, laid it on the city EDITORS desk
just as he would a piece of copy.
When the man who handles tho blue
pencil came to look over the copy
lying on his desk, he was amazed to
find one which started, Dear -"
and ended, Your loving -" tits
needless to say that the author OF
this endearing epistle was unmeroi-
fully twitted for some time, and now
he writes his love letters at home.
--Pittsburg Chronicle. Telegraph.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14

cheaper"
"Kin we shoot and fight and hey Jest
~ good times?"
"You an. The railroad won't cur
tail any Of your priviat1i."
"And the boys can stand in line, each
with two guns in his hands, and pop
over the burned conductor, engineer and
passengers az the trains come in?" con-
tinued the man in persuasive tones.
swell, I-I-hardIy think they will
be allowed to do that" stammered the
colonel.
"But why not?"
SWELL. you see, human life"
"Stop right thar, Kurnel Wheaton
stop right tharp interrupted the
man. "If thar's airy thing cumin long
yere too good to be popped at, this yere
crowd is goin to stand on its right 10
PREVENT Thar won't be no meeting to-
night, and fur all the speakin yell do
ye may go otf'n git dr1nk!'
The meeting was adjourned, the colo
mel left by the next train and the rail-
road was never bull. New York Sun
day World.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
JlMMY's FINANCIAL TALK.


He Rose fe Explain, and the Crowd Fell
Upon Him.
1t was in Bank alley. The morning
issues had been sold out, and the gang
was waiting for the rumble OF the
evening presses. Jimmie de Kid sat
spon the summit VI the coal pile near
The Times Democrats back entrance
wiping away the evidence Of the peach
turnover he had been m~asticating.
II say, Jimmy" yelled one Of the
crowd, ''wot's dis yere talk bout silver
md gold, and wot does 18 to 1 mean?"
Jimmy surveyed the gang. His eyes
flashed with conscious pride. He was
the ready reference book OF the boys,
and seldom did he over get an upper cut
Of a question that he could not answer.
His form Strengthened out;~and he bal
anced himself carefully on the summit
Of the coal heap as he made ready to ex.
plain the complex condition Of the
financial question.
"Yer see, dis is how tits. I'ze got 16
silver dollars"-
He didn't get any further. With q
grand chorus Of yells that would have
done credit to q band Of Comanche In
dams. the gang was upon him. Down
fell Jimmy, and g he rolled into the
gutter and up against the curbstone he
was bounced upon by. a dozen of his col
leagues, and for a few minutes Bank al.
ley resounded with the sounds Of the
n sided fray. Jimmy's pockets were
turned out with dexterous rapidity, and
then the Kid was permitted to rise.
ode mex time. you'se fellers want ter
know bout financiers you'd better go
tunp yerselves in de Stats fore yer ask
me bout dem. Seer" he scornfully
muttered as he showed a match through
his s%uspender catch.
"Well, wot did yer say yer had SIC
fer?' the gang yelled back as Jimmy
de Kid slowly left the scene of his at
tempted explanation. - New Orleans
Times-D Democrat.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
A Solo Part.

First Boy-You ought to come to
the concert our music teacher is 60
In to give.
Second Boy-You goin to be in?
First Boy-Yes. I'm one of the
primmer donas. We're goin to give
. cantata.
Second Boy-Wot's that?
First Boy-Oh, it's all about sun.
shine and storms, and picnios and
harvesters. and all sorts of country
things. It's fine.
Second Boy-Do you sing all that?
First Boy-N-no. I'm only in the
drst scene, early mornin on the
farm"
Second Boy-What do you do?
First Boy-I crow. - Pearson's
Weekly.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Mis.ah Graveyard Rabbit.

Oars q graveyard rabbit in de da'k er de moon
En- I'm prayin fer ter ketch him-fer ter
ketch him..
But de win keep a.singin SIGH a lonesome tune
Dat ! sorter git q feelin dat de dead rise soon
In ! never took dem melens what dey los las
June
En- I'm prayin fer ter ketch him-fer ter
ketch him.
Oars . graveyard rabbit whar dc gray moss
trail
En- I'm prayin fer ter ketch him--fer ter
ketch hun.
But de moonshine see me, en- he look so pale
Dat ] gittin scrter skeery dat my courage
gwine ter fail.
In ! I never took dem chicken what wuz roosin
on de rail,
En- I'm prayin fer ter ketch him-fer ter
ketch him.
Mistah Rabbit. Mistah Rabbit. I'm s-wishin or
you well
(But I'm prayin fer ter ketch him-fer ter
ketch him).
But de win he SO Uneasy dat I 'frsid he swine
Bout dc barkin or dc watchdog en- de ringin err
de bell.
But ! never sell dat cotton what dey tell me
dat ] SELL
In I'm prayin fer ter ketch him-fer ter
ketoh him.
Frank L. Stanton in Chicago Tiuss-Herald
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14

seen in the act, and should one be in.
clined to doubt the word of the men
who make the statement there is no
denying the fact that there is moth.
ing else for them to eat. 1t is also
known that rabbits are big eaters,
and If they were deprived of food
they would soon to exist.
To count all the rabbits on the
F%arallones would be an endless task
and certainly require at least six
figures to express the number. They
are there by the thousands, and all
seem healthy.
Even in the rainy season the is.
lands r almost devoid of vegeta.
ton, and such as it is does not seem
calculated to make good eating even
for rabbits. The plants are very few
and of slow growth. They are also
lackiny in nourishment, being of the
lichen and moss varieties. Certainly
even when the islands are in their
greenest there is not enough to sus-
tain one-tenth of the rabbits that
live there.
The statements of the light keep
ers and egg pickers are that the rab-
bits live on the myriads Of dead fish
that are washed ashore every day.
They will eat any kind, although
they seem to prefer shellfsh to all
others. At any hour of the day the
rabbits can be seen along the shore
hunting the rocks for food
When the rabbits are eating the
fish. they look very much as they
do when they are eating cabbage,
and nibble it in the same way. They
do not seem to be the least p~articu.
lar as to the condition of the fish
they r eating and will make a
meal off n that has lain on the
rocks a week just as soon as from
one that has just been washed
ashore. 1t is interesting to know
that the rabbits that live on the Far
allones have contracted their pres
emit mode of living within the last
80 years, as they are the descendants
Of tame rabbits that were brought
there by the first lighthouse keepers.
They are not as pretty as their an
cestors. In fact, they have become
very lean and haggard looking and
have much the appearance Of a half
starved coyote. But the fact that
they have adapted themselves to
their new conditions is only another
example to show that there is some
foundation for the Darwinian theo.
ry. However, it might be we'll to
state that tame rabbits that are
raised with chickens have been
known to eat scraps of meat and
other refuse fl ON the kitchen.
A strange thing about the Faral.
lone rabbits that eat shellfsh is that
they seem to be struck by some sort
Of plague about once a year. AT such
times they will die by hundreds,
and On n occasion the island was
nearly depopulated. The sickness al
ways comes after the rainy season,
when the green feed is at its best.
Possibly mixing the decayed fish
and green food may be the cause of
the trouble. San Francisco Call.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
OF Different Minds.

Two highlanders were visiting an
English church for the first time.
They had not been long seated
when the organist began to play a
lively voluntary. This was some
thing quite novel in their church
experience, and they listened with
open mouthed astonishment.
One of them was shortly reused
from his blissful reverie by a gentle
tap on the shoulder. Turning round,
he saw a handsome lady, the owner
of the pew, who smiled very gra-
oiously upon him and wished, of
course, to be allowed to pass to her
teat.
He did not, however, take in the
situation, but at once whispered to
her: INA, ma, mem; tax me mate
here. He will be a peter dancer
than me. London Tit-Bits.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
No Escape,

A youngster asleep at a circus.was
enough to pique any mans curiosity.
and finally the proprietor Of the show
said to the boy:
II say, my little man, why do you
always go to sleep when you come
here?"
because I can't keep awake" was
the answer. cts a bcastly bore to see
them doing the same thing every night"
"Then why do you come?'
"Why. I can't help it. I have to
come. I've got a season ticket. -
Youths Compa1lon.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
His ONLY


know nothing of bank balance. I have never
saved q cent.
I'm about to be evicted for no~npayment Of my
rent.
{ am not at all acquainted with the way q dol.
lar looks,
And NY clothing ne'er was weighted with
plethoric pocketbooks.
iet l feel an inward surging Of my fevered
sporting blood,
And I'll bet ten thousand dollars that McKin.
ley name is Mud.
lever was a fortune left me. and no fortune
have I carmel.
I'll in vain you'll seek the ashes Of the money
have burned.
have never owned a postage stamp that I can
recoliect,
Nor is money coming to me that I hopefully
expect.
Etill I'll bet you fifty t~housand-you observe
that l am game
That the state that Bryan lives in will repudi.
ate his claim.
{ am made of lip and larynx. with a set OF
leather lungs.
and you'd think when I'm in action that l had
a dozen tongues.
I defy the plutocratic hosts who thwart the
freeman's will
To do all that's in their power, but they can
not keep me still.
I've an argument that quiets all those traitor
Gus galoots.
{ will bet six million dollars with the plutest
of the plutes.
.
1 have just one way to argue, and I argue in
that way.
You can hear my voice triumphant through
the aging of the day. =!
You can hear me squ>ich the gold man when
he makes his bravest claim:
You can hear me load the silver advocate with
grief and shame;
! Vo,, boaru n 1u fh;o ckota,occt o-o~uIo,-
all with defeat
~ will bet ten hundred million dollars that
your man Is beat"
Chicago Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Advie. Worth Following.

II remember, said a boy to his
Sunday school teacher, you told me
TO always stop and count so when
angry"
Eyes. l Am glad to hear it. It
cooled your anger, didn't it?"
well, you see, q boy came into
our road and made faces at me and
dared me to fight. I vas going to
try and thrash him. He was bigger n
me. and I'd have got punished. l
remembered what you said and be-
gan to count"
And you didn't fght?"
"No, ma'am. Just as I got to AZ
my big brother oame along. and the
way he licked that boy would have
made your mouth water. Pear
sons Weekly.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Fly Paper.

. Flies have become so acute that
poison paper no longer attracts
them. A new dish Is now prepared
for them which has been very sue
oessful. Take q t%easpoonful Of
ground black pepper and mix it with
2 teaspoonfuls of brown sugar.
Moisten the compound with milk
and place where there are rays of
light. The flies will generally be
quickly attracted and eat greedily.
II they do. it will be their last meal,
for the least taste of it is to a fly
poison.-New York Sun.
Not Suicides.
" do not suppose that moe in 100
times We ever learn the real cause
of . railroad accident" said a man
who 10 always we'll posted on suoh
matters, ''when any one Of the prin-
cipals concerned il killed. In indi.
vidual cases, where q man is lost
from q train and his body is found
later beside the track. suicide is the
drst thing suggested, but you can
never tell. A peculiar accident hap
pened 70 . friend OF mine. He was
travelling eastward with some
ea1nds. He LEFT them for a few mo.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14

When from the PROV Ulysses, the far
wandering, deserted the sirens, he
turned pale.
"Look at them girlsl" he almost
shrieked in his excitement. eff that
amt a summer resort, I'll eat my he'll
met. Row for your lives!' Bending to
their oars, they were presently out of
danger. Detroit Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Who Are the Repudiators?

The organs of Hanna have a good
deal to say about Republication" and
yet they are themselves carrying on the
most remarkable campaign of repudia.
ton on record. Under the inspiration of
Hanna the Republicans have repudiated
their platform Of 1892. the gold trust
editors have repudiated their records.
and the gold Democrats, so called, have
r%epudiated their principles. Take :he
case of Mckinley, the candidate select.
ed by Hanna to carry out the pro-
gramme CT the money power. Hardly a
day has passed since his nomination
that he hes not gleefully repuIiated his
own record on the silver ques,ion.-At
lanta ,hidstitution.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Progress In th. Art OF N.vixati

Uncle Cyrus was asked by his thought
full nephew:
"Uncle, what do you regard as the
real difference between the times when
you were young and the present day?"
"Waal. it's jest this way, Henry"
answered the old man. When l was a
young man everybody was satisfied to
paddle his own canoe, but nowadays ev-
erybody thinks he has a call to steer the
shin of statel''-Youth's Companion.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Not to Bs Triaed With.

"That whisky's 10 years DID," whis-
pered the bartender.
"Looky here" answered his rural
customer. "don't try to git funny with
me. You kin jist pour that thar stuff
back inter the bottle and III go whar l
kin git suthin fresh. Detroit Free
Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14

Say. Weary, wot are you walkin
round in yer bare foots fer2"
I'm trying dis yer new Kneipp
cure"
"Wot fer. W~eary?"
"'Cause some dingblasted snoozer
stole me shoes!r-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14

doctor Stickem," said the physi-
oian's assistant, shave you decided
whether or not Mr.. Payers has appendix
otis? You know you said you were 60
ing to read up on his CASE"
"Ah, yes! I must do SO at once.
Hand me that copy of Bradstreet's &. -
Washington Star.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
EcOnomizing.

do you economize while you're SO
hard pressed, DRUMMER"
"You bet. I've told my wife to cut
down all household and personal ex-
lenses to the low water mark. Come
and have a cigar with me, will you?''-
Detroit Free Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
G. o. d.

Pruyn-In society the gentleman
should always be presented to the lady.
Miss Craik-But that doesn't apply
when the gentleman is a man of rank.
Pruyn-N-o. In that case he'd have
to be paid for, I suppose. Truth.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Correctly Named,

"Flashly has published q volume Of
fugitive verse;"
"How can he call them fugitive when
none of them have been published be-
fore?"
"Oh, Flashly himself says that he
was chased out of 400 Offices in which
he had tried to sell theml"-Brooklyn
Life.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
RABBITS THAT EAT CRABS.

Queer Kind of Dummies That Inhabit
Lonely Farallone Islands.
Students of natural history ara
continually finding some strange
habit developed or partly developed
In the animals of California. The
reason for this is that there is such
a variety of climate and conditions
within a comparatively small area
that the creatures simply adapt
themselves to the locality in which
they happen to be. In nc other part
of the world can one get such
changes of temperature with SO lit.
tie change in location and altitude as
a be found between this city and
San Jose or Stockton. MOI can such
radically different islands be found
so close to the mainland as the Far
allones are when compared to the
coast of California.
Such being the case, it is but nat
ural that the creatures living there
should be radically different from
the rest of their tribe in other parts
Of the world. But even so it is hard
to conceive of rabbits eating raw
fish. And yet that is what they do
on the Farallones. They have bean
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Runs Through Cars
eTO~
TIME SCHEDULE.

TIME SCHEDULE.
Northern Pacific time card in effect Monday,
June Is.
ARRIVE AT HELENA.
No. s, Pacific Express. west bound $40 q. M.
No. 9. Atlantic EXpres. east bound, 200 a. m.
No. 3 Livingston and Missoula local,
daily except sunday II 100 a. m.
No 4. Missnula and Livingston local,
daily except sunday .....:.".". 200 p. m /.
No. 8. Mary sville mixed. daily except
Nc. Wickes and Boulder mixed dai.
ly except Sunday. runs from Basin
on MONDAYS. Wednesdays and Fri
DAYS. from Elkhorn on Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays. .......... SEQ p. m.
Nc. lO2, Rimini mixed. tuesday, only $50 p. m.
DEPART FROM HELENA.
Nc. s, Pacific Expire IS, westbound, 3:45 a. M.
No. 6, Atlantic Express. eastbound, 2:05 a. nj.
No. 3, Livingston and Missoula local
daily except Sunday. !. -. II :O5 a. NJ.
daily except Sunday ............. 2:1Op. M.
SUNDAY 3:SOp. m.
No. 10. Wickes and Boulder mixed,
daily excapt Sunday, runs TO Basin
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays,
to Elkhorn Tuesdays, Thursdays
No. loi, Rimini mixed tuesdays only 1926 a. m.
Through tickets to Japan and China, via Ia.
coma and Northern Pacific Steamship Co.
For information, time cards, maps and tickets,
call on or write
ID. EDGAR,
GENERAL AGENT, HELENA, MONTANA.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Tun For the Farmers.

And still the orator WHO has read up
on finance for IL minutes goes forth to
educate the farmers who have been
reading up COY u sa.ss-E:G-oit News
Tribune.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
His First and Only Love.

He gazed into the mirror with undis.
guised admiration.
"Impossiblel I can never love an
other!" he exclaimed.
Thus it came about that Charley
Konseet never married .-New York
Press.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
A Resemblance.

"I've got 'em! I've got 'emr' he
screamed.
But his vague delusion was soon dis
ielled when a policeman explained that
it was only a Chinese flag that he had
seer. New York Herald.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Intellectual Pursuits.

"Did you keep up any club work
while you were away, Mrs. Golightly?''
"Indeed we did. We played progress.
i've euchre right along. 49, Chicago
Record.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Another Scare Exploded.

cigarettel-New York Sunday World.
Another Scare Exploded.
We are told that the free coinage Of
silver would soon food this country
with the silver Of the whole world, and
some people suggest that a tariff should
be placed on silver to avoid this. He
who suggests that little understands the
question.
Money is but a tool. Nc man can af
ford to go into business unless he be-
lieves that what he produces will bring
money in the end and pay for what he
produces. What is to be done with this
foreign silver if it is coined? Will it be
sent abroad again? If SO. why bring it
here at all? Did that ever suggest itself
to you? Ii it comes here, the people
who bring it will do so with the belief
that they can invest it in our mines and
manufactures, and it will go to the la
boring people as a tool Of trade. 1t will
be a boon to the men who for the last
few years have tramped for work and
begged for bread. r. r. Bland.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14

Shocks Ito bathing machine proprie-
tor)-What do You take me fora bal.
let girl:-Pick Me Up.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
The Pioneer Filler.

Lilienthal was the first flying ma.
chine inventor who really succeeded
in flying for even a short distance.
The attempt to make a more ambi-
tious flight cost him his life, but
nevertheless other inventors will go
on initiating him, and it may be
that in spite of fractured spines and
broken necks men will finally full.
fill the prediction of the celebrated.
mathematician and astronomer, Pro-
fessor Proctor, who expected tina
they would some day know how to
fly as easily and as naturally as they
now know how to swim.
RABBITS THAT EAT CRABS.
The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-11-14
Inconsistent Nausea.

Oholly Voter (qualmishly)-To think
that seasickness would attack a fellah
Mats dressed in full yachting costumel
Bah Jovel This is worse than my first
cigarettel-New York Sunday World.
The morning times., 1896-09-20


What, no there, without Maria! Anoth-
er safety pin, The south end Of this child
IL again a mass Of ruins.
Truly, the editorial racrapher wrote
wisely In the age OF Moan when he SAID:
'.'' . NO "i'.iou'" ''o'h'i vi vi
- ,,a,, ..' ''
ve,r
Tomorrow is MOI st Valentines Dav for
mother. to whom our whole beart and
1hes, few lines 90 forth on her auspic;ous
occasion. If is her realistic drama OF
"Commcnccrpant Day' TN. curtain raiser
being a Riot in tn. Nurs.ry. or Some
Early Norniup Fireworks -. bv tho same
WeAay Commcpceu,enr Day although bv
= :crv had figure of sre,ch th,. a.-rr.pat,.
intcIlircnCp of the schoo1 authorities insist
ON calungthe Ia ST day of IN, scholastic ye,r
its commencement. For this there is no
other warrant than the Scriutural saw
that The last shall ha frs, and tha frs,
shull he last This is confusing croucb
bu, wsare informed that il is uropos.d ia
introduce into the schools This yeor the
william Jennings Reader and HE viii
lam Jennings Arithmetic Tins Mt Tho
outset of the new wear. the hauuy new
wear. ror,ooth The uu.Stion or .,at,s,,,r-
shin comes in Ia ap.,r,vate the ou.Stiop rf
ueu,nauShju in the pnhlic Schools which
latter is still in the condition of Mahoret's
coffin.
cu,vcrrop THE prrrrp
u H""uiu 80 ici'''i heu- ho"'Nci' eh p"s
SAM, as tue! say III the hii'h grade that
the spider leg or vertigo system Of writing
i'll the girls department is to lie supplanted
10y some easily. decipherable hieroglyphc.
Yet, for all this the SpeCter of tome rrow
IN the nursery and the dining room is ut
mothers very door. There is but one more
night 10 Steep on it. All the boys and girls
have their tickets of admission o the mass
meeting. our friends, tie principals, pro-
frSSGTs and subprofcsS"rs. III readin'. writ
The morning times., 1896-09-20

foN eat out his thc boy's) little insidcs
rather than tell where he got the fox. TIE
Greek fable says that the hoy got it in
the neck. but the doctor II adc n different
diagnosis.
An American boy Will not sit on tact:
continuously, In the presence OF Tcda-
gcsue, male or female without submit
ting a minority report tiatcan be heard
i'll the next block. An American girl Will
not permit her back hair to be fooled with
10y anybody-until she graduates. Subse-
quently the golden hair tn at IS la nging down
her back can blow whithersoever the wind
lis.cth or the pa rtne r on he bike provideth.
Nor can political heresies Re orammcd
down the throat OF tie hoy on the first
bench in frcnt of TIE female pcGaugue Of
which emergency we present u cut after
the byzantine school of etching TIE little
boy in the picture with the Ii Hung Chang