The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1896-02-06
THE TROUBLES OF JONES.

HATCH gton Green, Hatchington, the
celebrated Jones, though l e.4y it my
self-JOnes, the solicitor, at the corner
house on the Green, the great Jones,
whom everybody knows.
1 state this as simple truth. l AM
not vain man; if feel that am SUI
perior to all the other Joneses in Hatch
Sngton, that is natural opinion-and
any own private opinion-which l am
not likely to thrust upon the attention
of my fellow-creatures. Heaven for
bid!
Jones is not an uncommon name,
and one must infallibly encounter
other JoneSes in the course of ones
pilgrimage through the world, and be
saken for those other Joneses at times
On the newspapers, no matter what
Objectionable proceedings, civil, uncivil
or criminal, those other Joneses may
have been up to.
That is the excessively awkward part
Of it, and that accounts for the story
I am about to relate as graphically as
Fay powers will allow.
My enemies-and all remarkable men
siave their enemies-will tell you an
other kind of story. "a water-on-the-
brain kind of man" "a swelled-head
sort Of fellow" my enemies have been
heard to whisper of me; but I am above
their petty caIumnies-far away on the
mountain tops above them.
And now for the other Jones, who
Wust come and pitch his tent on Hatch
81,
tlumrery house just around the cor
ler of the Green.
Mr.. Timothy Jones arrived at the lit
Gle corner house, and began business
there as minor poet. l came across
his name sometimes in the newspa-
pcrs, and once across his portrait, size
a5 a postage stamp, at the top of para
gyaph of a half-penny evening newspa-
per, and the exact image of n s1oty Jack
Sheppard, without the fringe, mon
strous picture, and labeled ct. Jones,
o. Hatchington Green"
Don't think a great deal of your
husbands portrait in the Evening Per-
Wrinkle" one of my wife's friends
wrote to Mrs. Thomas Jones; Every
sealil1e him, especially about the nose.
I am surprised to find that your hus-
hInd i2 poet, too"
If i had wanted to write poetry
could have turned off reams of rhyme,
Z dare say. l consider to be COMPOUNDED
with the man at the corner in the Even
iEg Periwinkle was my first humiliat-
aEg blow.
Presently it came to packets of proofs
being left at my house by the mistakes
of laundering postmen, and then to
important letters of mine going to his
house, and his truISpery correspond
ence coming to mine.
Once this Timothy Jones called on
me TO inquire if I had taken in a New
Zealand leg of mutton by mistake; it
should have reached him from LeaIen-
hall market by 10 noon.
He was a civil enough young fellow,
was Timothy Jones, but overccnfident.
was glad to put him in his place, now
that the opportunity had presented
itself.
mo, sir; we do not deal in New
Zealand mutton here" l explained.
Mrs. Jones has an insuperablc objec-
ton to cheap meats, and your mutton
would not have been allowed to come
snto the house"
All this was very aggravating to me;
still more aggravating when l found
that my servants had taken the New
Zealand mutton in after all. 1t had
come 10y carriers cart and the other
Jones had not suggested itself to the
servants minds.
And there it was discovered on our
premises at five in the afternoon, and |
had heard Timothy Jones say that his
dinner was fixed for six.
sent the mutton around by the
page, and as Mrs. Thomas Jones
thought it was our duty to apologize
followed the mutton when it had got
a good way upon the road-out Of
sight and smell.
Timothy Jones was out, so saw Mrs.
Timothy Jones, pretty little woman
enough. with too much of smile, per-
haps. i made my apology deliberate
lyand formally, and think thatshe was
impressed by it.
She hoped that had not troubled
myself to bring the mutton around
great Heavens!-it was of no conse-
auence now, as another joint had been
procured from the local butcher, and
SO forth.
Mrs Timothy Jones offered to shake
hands with me, which l thought a
rather familiar proceeding. But l
shook hands, and actually kissed that
sticky boy and wished-odd that was
that there were three such children
running about that big house of NINE.
A few weeks later came the great
source of annoyance, even of shame
just as if it were any fault of my own!
There is published on Saturday in
Hatchrngton weekly paper principal
ly consisting of advertisements, cribs
from other papers, local news and ram
dom readings. l never looked at the
rag, and therefore it's startling poster
outside the Office door failed to catch
my eye; but on the station, whilst wait
ing for my customary train to town,
1 was considerably astonished to see
in huge Brobdingnagian capitals:
THE MISSING LADY.