The morning times., 1896-12-06

IN FAVOR or drastic statute making II
obligatory on every bucolic citizen of the
United States to attend the bicycle show
OF Washington at least once year.
Incidentally the visitors could also make
q study Of the Washington cabman and his
horse. These two considerations alone are
sufficient to open the eyes of the world
against whom we are pitted in all things,
from the finest library in the world to the
finest and most grotesque specimens OF
bacilli that ever were permitted to live in
river or canal.
We assume that the wife, sister, daugh-
ter or maiden aunt, especially the latter.
Of any Congressman will admit that she is
not such warm number after all when
she sees our Indigenous female firing the
asphalt and splitting the atmosphere fore
and aft on her flying horse. People who
have never seen anything like this except
q circular saw may well give themselves
pause to consider two such saws handled or
pedaled so dexterously by the metropolitan
sister.
SENSATIONS TO ENJOY.
Then there is the novel sensation Of the
steam or Chinese flatironed collar and shirt
''buzzuni." to speak by the crossroads
card 1t may not be improper to state here
that it is not considered good form to use
laundered white collar with a hickory
shirt or vice versa. We have seen both
styles, but they were lonesome and ephem-
eral.
The mistake is sometimes made by Con-
gressional visii ors to seek guide books for
instructions as to the fashions, and some
of them have been known to seek them at
the most fashionahleo of the northwestclubs.
1t is suggested that they keep their eyes
on the hotel clerks for this kind of tip,
although it is Il OF the usual thing for Il new
Representative or even Senator to wearthat
amount of diamonds and catseyes until after
his second term or until he shall have
economical somewhat with his meagcr
salary.
The new member Will also find that there
are many changes in dress in this city, es-
pecially as to shirts and socks, which it
may be hard to keep up with out of a grip
sack, but all this will come as naturally
in time as does the first impression that
fire escape is the shortest route to the
well in the hotel garden.
HINTS AsslTO FLATS.
There are also some flats in Washington
in which they do.not allow coal oil house
keeping, and there Is also some objection
to personal washing, and especially to the
hanging out of the baby's things on the
geranium crop on-tbe back window sills.
1t might BE Est as well to mention in
this connection that the whole town is
just now laying for the visitors with at
tentlons. which. although they have the
suggestion Of antiquity are always up to
date with the ne wly elected member. The
butcher and the baker and the lady of all
coiors with references have gotten their
stories down to date, as wetl as the comely
matron who will preside at the tea table
with that elegant assortment of bon mots
and anecdotes which have done good Serv-
Ice for many predecessors from the same
districts.
We may also observe that there is moth.
ing humorous at all inithe much spoken of
and written of Maiden Speech In fact
We have never heard d; maiden speech in
Congress.
THOSE MAIDEN SPEECHES.
II there is such u thing as a maiden
speech it Is already ofthe age of the more
familiar metaphor oft maiden aunt; and,
while talking on this subject, it is well to
let the new, If not fresh, members of Con-
Gress Know that there is Maiden Speech
Bureau n this city. >
The terms are very reasonable, but they
should beware of buying duplicates. En-
Darrassments of This kind in the delivery
or virgin speeches have heretofore taken
place in the House. Antipholus of Ephcsus
has bee known to make the very speech
on the same day that was bought and de-
-livered by Aptipholus of Syracuse on the
same day: We take this opportunity Of
advising maiden members not to accept any
speeches unless they are liz original pack
ages.
1t. is high time that new members should
forego the antiquated custom of a maiden
speech, anyhow. They should begin theiI
tweS years work By saying something.
There Was one time In parliament mem.
ber who was known as the dinner bell for
the obvious reason that when he arose to
speak the members usually went out to
lunch
This going to lunch happens every
twenty minutes In the American House Of
Commons. but it fs not on account ol
maiden speeches. These latter make Of the
House one vast dormitory of sleeping
solons of which cause and effect a cut is
submitted from the day on which thre,
maiden speeches were fired off in tfit
House in snccessf1I. /
SUBJECT FOR sYAlPATHY.
We are profonntiis sympathetic with the
Republican members this session inasmuch,
as according to the ethicsof the local mem
Der OF the national committee. the gold