The San Francisco call., 1896-11-01
Big Offices Are Demanded for
Figuring Out a Paper
Majority.
HOW A RUMPUs WAS AvERTED.
Gavin McNab's High Water Pants
Win Him the Portfolio of Agri-
culture Against R. P. Troy.

mere Is QduSeI Ok Luulluy III tuc
Democratic ranks of California. This was
caused by the publication of q telegram
from Chicago on the day that Mr.. Bryan
visited thar city, pretending to present
the formation of Bryan's Cabinet in the
event of his election.
The greatest CONSERVATION was caused
by the announcements made in that dis
patch, for it was there stated that Gov
ernor Altgeld of Illinois had been decided
on for Attorney-General, and that other
places had been parceled out to some of
''those Eastern fellows" like Benjamin
r. Tillman, Eugene V. Debs, J. S. Coxey
and David Bennett Hill, the only repre-
sentatives of the wide and woolly West
being Henry NJ. Teller, Ex-Governor
Waite of Colorado and Senator Stewart of
Nevada.
Now the leading Bryanistic Democrats
of California have been doing a great deal
of figuring, and by their own fictitious
statistics have convinced themselves that
they have chance to carry California for
their favorite candidate. Having per-
formed this herculean mathematical op-
Grafton, they have taken great credit to
themselves, for they argue that if Cali
fornia goes for Bryan and Bryan should
by chance win, they will be entitled to all
the credit and all the offices, especially all
the Cabinet offices.
Why not? Do they not belong to the
party that breaches the doctrine that to
the vlctors belong the spoils?
Have they not won California ION paper)
for Bryan?
Certainly.
Then forward the Bread and Butter Bri.
gadei On to the Pie Counterl
Snch was the decision that was reached
at an executive session of the Democratic
nabobs that is reported to have been held
at the California Hotel. Rumor has it
that George w. Baker of the Bimetallic
League, w. P. Lawlor of the Silver Cam
Populist party and Charles D. Lane, the
'angel' OF all the Bryan forces, attempted
to break into the meeting, hoping to OBJ
tain recognition" for a small piece OF pie.
put they were curtiy dismissed, so it is
SAID, with the lntlmatlon that they were
welcome as allies. but were not expected
to share in the fruits of victory-not even
in victory that exists only on paper.
Then the solemn conciaye began its
ponderous deliberations
1t was primarily decided that If Mr..
Bryan should not at once signify his ac-
ceptance OF this programme he might
know what to expect when the votes of
California are counted after next Tuesday.
w. ID. Afford, the boy manager of the
boy orators campaign in California, was
the first TO speak. He said that modesty
would prevent him from naming the posi-
tlon to which he thought he was entitled.
He supposed they would remember the
fact that he is chairman of the Democratic
Campaign Com mittee and he would leave
it for some kind friend to suggest what
ought to be his reward for figuring out a
Bryan majority in California.
By unanimous vote it was decided that
Mr.. Afford ought to be Secretary of State.
1t being conceded that boy orator shout d
have boy premier" title which will
be adopted under the rule of Altgeldism.
After that a squabble ensued between
Gavin McNab and r. P. Troy, the efficient
secretary OF the campaign committee, as
10 which should be the Secretary of Aeri-
culture. The friends of Mr. McNab in
sisted that he looked like Populist farm
er, and asked him to stand up and let the
committee get good view of his "nigh-
water pants" This argument was a
clincher and Mr.. McNab was given the
place.
Frank Gould came all the way from
Stockton TO demand his share, and with
his usual luck he walked off with the
naval portfolio. urging as a reason that he
had served an apprenticeship to an able
seaman on the raging pillows of Mormon
Channel.
Woo Slfcn bu6 ALLOTneV-
Generalship becausein a recent speech he
let it be known that he would be able to
tell the difference between Pullman car
and mail coach"
Max Pepper was granted permission to
accept the position of Secretary of the
Treasury, and Sam Braunhart is booked
to be Secretary of War.
Reel B. Terry said he would "kick" if
they slated him for nothing better than
Postmaster-General, but ne was finally
pacifled by the assurance that his posi-
Ilon as boss OF the letter-carriers would
not interfere with his law practice.
Nj. Il. Tarpey had parceIed out To him
the Secreraryship of the Interior, and the
meeting adjourned after sending word to
John P. Irish, John Daggett and other
Cleveland Democrats that they must pre-
pare to make room for pro-siiver Demo-
Gratis after the 4th of next March. or as
soon thereafter as the civil service law can
be repealed.
A congratulatory telegram was ordered
forwarded to Mr.. Bryan, telling him that
they hoped he would justify what thev
had said about him being Washinoton
II II.