The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1896-01-01

Nothing 10 do bu, work,
Nothing to eat but food.
Nothing to wear bu. clothes
To keep fron being nude
Nothing to breathe but air
Quick as s. fash it's gone
Nowhere to fail but of,
Nowhere to stand but oo.''
';Nothiug 10 comb but hair;
Nowhere to sleep but bed;
Nothing TO weep out tears:
No one to bury but dead.'
Nothing to sing but songs,
All, we'll; alas ard alack,
Nowhere to 60 but out,
Nowhere TO come but back'
They murmur much after this
manner. Well, well some folks
are never happy unless they
can render themselves superla-
lively miserable; they are born
chronic kickers and they'll die kick
ing-.the bucket" We suppose
every one is endeavoring to wind up
their affairs for the year. We are
trying too, but we find them much
like doggonned Waterbury watch,
wind and wind until you are out: of
wind and feel like attaching it to the
pulley of an engine and "let-terroll
Some appear to have rounded up"
the year very happily They are
those who harvested a wife Solo
mon says "whoso fndeth wife
fndeth good thing" Now we
think this proverb needs little re-
editing and we offer as an amend
ment, whose fndeth a good wife, &c.
Though it can't be denied that Solo
mon had vastly extensive opportun.
mites of Judging in the matter of
wives.
The matrimonial epidemic which
ragged through this section some erst
while since has not re-appeared in so
violent a form. There are some cases
of fitful fever, and few have devel-
oped into the genuine thing. Sorter
sporadic. These latter will conval-
esce when the moon changes-the
honeymoon, we mean, Of course
Some one classes welded life thusly:
acquaintance 8 weeks, love 3 months,
war 8 years. liberation 30 years.
Lock out young men; old boys, too.
A popularity of above mentioned
epidemic is that it doesn't decimate
the population, rather augments it.
We know husband and wife only
one year old who arc already three in
family: we mean, of course, you
understand, they've only been mar
ried one year and have one baby
please print the above correctly or
we may be sa!tered and battered }
There are others around who have
evinced slight symptoms and some
who are strongly threatened, but
there have been no developments.
Then again, there are few scatter
ing, chronic cases that refuse, so far,
to "specify." One of the late de,
veloped cases is somewhat unique.
1t is that of venerable friend whose
snowy locks and feecy flowing beard
would denote him at least 80 or 100
per cent. proof-we mean. proof
against the blandishing approaches
of any such juvinile malady. and yet,
in some sudden and inexplicable
manner, 80 far as we know. his case
reached it's acme without passing
through the arche and anabasis
stages; but, with his experience, he
should have detected the premonitory
symptoms, and have used heroic meas
ures to arrest them. Alas he didn't.
and the places that once knew him
will now-not know him quite so
much for awhile-until the moon
changes. He was christened young.
and calculated, perhaps, to remain so.
There is one more class, and they
are the most unfortunate of all. They
are those who seem to have been
vaccinated and can't catch it at all
The good Lord comfort all such and
help them to be more more-more
single.hearted, we reckon. Ah-men
There is also a more material and
corporal malady among the COWS of
the county. Quite number of per-
sons have lost one or more fine COWS.
They swell up and die quickly after
feeding in the pea field. Whether
this is caused from some peculiar con-
dition of the peas or some peculiar
state of the COWS, we are not in.
formed. Perhaps it is some form of
bovine appendicitis. Long says the
trouble is in the cows "book." This
NAV be. We've had trouble with
our own book about the lst January.
Our trouble was in trying to turn