Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-08-16

bcsought the story OF his life. Spare
me. spare me. friends" moaned he. i
cannot say, I do not know. nave
Fought this lonely spot to escape them.
Day and night they purTue me-they
hound and torture me. IT'S ever that
question
what hounds you, friend we QUE
ried, "secst thou snakesy
ALAS. It's gold, It's gold, It's goid'
he moaned.
"a fugitive from some gold-cure insti-
tuition" suggested an alumnus OF the
Kelley Institute.
TIA. ha," laughed the mailman, AL Is
not gold that glftters Every cloud
has a silver lining speech Is silvern;
silence Is golden. Sixteen to one. Avaunt,
Mckinley. Back, back. Bryan
Cray on silver question we all
sympathetically explained, and SO he
was.
Then. In broken. scbbing tones, nc re-
cited the pathetic story: Day ana
night, morning, noon, and eve they pur-
sue me-" he said. and hour after
hour they haunt me with that question:
How do you stand on the currency
question: once I was young, rich. and
happy. Bright little ones played around
me. And then trouble came. The world
forsook other subjects and discussed
currency alone. 1t was all / could hear
The first words lisped by my youngest
were. PA, how are you on that money
question: IL was then that 1 fled and
valnly strove 10 avoid civilization.
sought this dcsoiate spot, hoping In vain
for solitude and a respite from my tor
turers. Now you have come, now you
have come TO hound me-" Here he fell
a weeping. as II the much-torn heart
would break. How we piti0d that man.
Too well we saw the reasons for his
mental alteration.
No wonder he was mad Others will
join him later. We left him in his
blessed solitude among the rocks.
Our genial proprietor has posted rules
and regulations in all our rooms lie
claims that he prepared them himself. but
recalling Sunset Coxs book, why we
Laugh" ] trace the source of his sar-
casm. Here is the way the rules read:
This hotel has been built and arranged
for the special comfort and convenience
Of SUMMER boarders. On arrival each
guest win be asked how ne likes the
situation. and If he says the hotel ought
TO have been placed upon the knoll or
farther down toward the village the loca-
ton Of the house will be Immediately
changed Corner front rooms, up only one
liCht, for every guest. Baths, gas, not
and cold water. laundry, telegraph. res
taurant, fire-alarm, bar-roOm, daily pa
per, coupe sewing grand piano,
a clergyman, and all other modern con-
veniences in every room. Meals every
minute, If desired, and consequently no
second table. English, French, and Ger
man dictionaries furnished 10 every guest
to make up such @ bill OF fare as he may
desire, without regard TO the bill AFFAIR
afterward in the Office. Walters Of every
nationality and color If desired. Every
waiter furnished with a libretto button
hole bouquet. full dress suit, bali tablets,
and his hair parted in the middle. EVERY
guest win have the best scat in the ain
ing-room and the best walter in the
house. Any guest not getting his break
fast red-hot, or experiencing q delay OF
sixteen seconds after giving his order TOT
dinner, will please mention the TACT 10
the Office, and the cook and the walters
will be blown from the mouths of cannon
in front Of the hotel. at once. Children
will be welcomed with delight, and re-
quested TO bring hoop-sticks and hawkeys
70 bang the carved rosewood furniture
especially provided for that purpose. ana
peg tops 10 spin on the velvet carpet, anu
they will be allowed to bang on the piano
at all hours. yell in the halls. slide down
the banisters. fall down stairs, carry
away dessert enough for a small family
I'm their pockets at dinner. and make
themselves as disagreeable as the fondest
mother can desire Washing allowed in
rooms. and ladies giving an order TO put
me on the fiat-iron" will be put on one
at any hour of the day or night. dis
Greet waiter, who belongs to the Masons'
Odd-Fellovs. and knights of Pythias.
and who was never known even to tell
the time of day, has been employed to
carry milk punches and hot toddies 10
Iadies' rooms in the evening. Every LADY
win be considered the belle Of the house
and row-boys will answer the bell prompt
w. The office clerk has Deeh
carefully selected to please everybody
and can lead in prayer, play draw-poher'
match worsted at the village store; snake
for drinks at any hour. day or night;
play billiards. a good Walter, and can
dance the german. make fourth at
euchre. amuse children, repeat the Beech-
er trial from memory. is good judge OF
horses: as a railway and steamboat REFER
ence is far superior TO Appleton's or any
body elses guide; will fiirt with any
Young lazy, and not mind being cut deaa
when pa comes down; don't mimi BENG
damned any more than a connecticut
river: can room forty people in the best
room in the house when the hotel is Iuli'
attend to the annunciator, and answer
questions in Greek, Hebrew, Choctaw
Irish, or any other polite language at the