Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-05-30

lawyers doctors, merchants, artists and
farmers than have ever been counted
upon. Tho community Is full Of lag
CARDS and shirkcrs. can tell it from
the way they crawl along the street,
from their hardness in meeting engage
ments. from the lethargies that seer1 I'd
hang to the foot when they lift it, to
the hand when they put it out, to the
words when they speak.
Out of Place.
Two young men in store. In the
morning the one goes to his post the last
minute or one minute behind. The 9TH
er IS ten minutes before the time and
has his hat and ccat hung up and is at
his post waiting for duty. The one is
ever and anon in the afternoon looking
at his watch to see if it is not most time
to shut up The other stays half all
hour after he might go, and when asked
why, says he wanted to look over some
entries he had made to be sure he was
right, or to put up some goods that had
been left out of place. The one IL very
touchy about doing work not exactly
belonging TO him. The other is glad to
help the other clerks in their work. The
first Will be prolonged nothing, and
hewili be poorer at so years Of age than
at 20. The other will be a merchant
prince. Incidence is the cause of more
failures III all occupations than You
have ever suspected. People are too lazy
to do what they can do, and want to
undertake that which they cannot do.
In the drama Of life they don't want tc
be acommon soldier. carry ing halberd
across the stage, or a falconer, or a mere
attendant. ana SO they lounge about the
scenes till they shall be called to be
something great After awhile, by some
accident Ct prosperity or circumstances,
they get into the place for which they
have no qualification. And very soon,
II the man be merchant, he is going
around asking his creditors to Gem.
promise for 10 cents on the dollar. Or,
II clergyman, he is making TRADES
against the ingratitude CT churches. Or.
II an attorney, by unskillful manage
ment he loses a case by which widows
and orphans are robbed of their portion.
Or, if physician, he by malpractice
gives his patient rapid transit from this
world TO the next. Our incompetent
friend would have made a passable
horse doctor, but he wanted TO be pro-
lessor of anatomy in a university. He
could have sold enough confectionery tc
have supported his family, but he want
ed to have a sugar refinery like the
Havemeyers. He could have mended
shoes, but he wanted to amend the con-
stitution of the United States. Toward
the end of life these people are out Of
patience, out Of money, out of friends,
out of everything. They go to the poor
house, or keep out of it By running in
debt to all the grocery and dry goods
stores that will trust them. People be-
gin to wonder when the curtain will
drop Gil the scene. After awhile, leav-
ing nothing but their compliments to
pay doctor, undertaken. and Gabriel
Grubb, the grayedigger, they disap-
pear. Exeuntl Kissed off the stage
"A Moral Nuisance.
Others fail in the drama Of life
through demonstrated selflshness. They
make all the rivers empty into theil
sea, all the roads Ct emolument end al
their door. ard they gather all the
plumes Of honor for their brow. They
help no one, encourage en- one, rescue
no one GLOW big pile Of money car
get"' and "How much Of the world
can absorb" are the chief questions.
They feel about the common people as
the Turks felt toward the Asapi, CT
common soldiers considering them Of
no use except to fill up the bitches Will
their dead bodies while the other troops
walked over them to take the fort. Aft
er awhile this prince Of worldly success
is sick. The only interest society has IL
his illness is the effect that his possible
decease may have ON the money mar
kets After awhile he dies. Great news
paper capitals announce how he started
with nothing and ended with every
thing. Although for sake of appearance
some people put handkerchiefs to the
eye, there is not one genuine tear shed.
The heirs sit up all night when he lies
in state, discussing what the old fellow
has probably done with his money. Il
takes all the livery stables within two
miles TO furnish funeral equipages, anc
all the mourning stores are kept busy il
selling weeds Of grief. The stone cutters
send i'll proposals fer monument. The
minister at the obsequies reads Of the
resurrection, which makes the hearers
fear that if the INSCRIPTIONS financiel
does come up IN the general rising, he
will try to get "corner" on tombstones
and graveyard fences. All good men are
glad that the moral nuisance has beer
removed. The Wall street spectators
are glad because there is moro room fol
themselves. The heirs are glad because
they get possession Of the long delayed
inheritance. Dropping every feather Of
all his plumes, every certificate of all
his stock, every bond of all his invest
ments, every dollar of all his fortune,
he departs, and all the rolling of dead
March in Saul, and all the pageantry
Of his interment, and all the exquisite.
ness of sarccphagus, and all the extrav.
agance Of epitaphology, cannot hide the
fact that my text has come again to ire;
mendous fulfllment, Men shall claI
their hands at him and shall hiss him
out Of his place. "
You see the clapping comes before
The hiss. The world cheers before il
damns. So it is said the deadly ASP
ticl1les before it stings. Going up is hei
Hurrahl Stand back and let his gallop.
ing horses dash by, whirlwind OF
plated harness and tinkling headgea1
and archod neck. Drink deep of his
madeira and cognac Boast Ct how well
you know him. All hats eff rs he passes.
Bask fer days and years in the sunlight
Of his prosperity. Going down, is he:
Pretend to be nearsighted SO that you
cannot see him as he walks past. When
men ask you if you know him, halt and
hesitate as though you were trying to
call up a dim memory and say, ''Well,
yes, yes, / believe / once did know
him, but have not seen him for long
while. " Cross a different ferry from the
one where you used to meet him lest he
ask for financial help. When you started
life, he spoke good word for you at the
bank. Talk down his credit now that
his fortunes are collapsing. He put his
name on two of your notes. Tell him
,t,o+ ,-o,, have CHANGED vonr mind about