The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-03-04
70 BE CONTINUED,
STUMP SPEAKING

And stamp speaksrs-A Well Known
West Virginia Republican Gives the
Politicians Come Valuable Pointers.
"charlle" Caldwell. lawyer, preacher,
politician and patriot. has the follow
Ing In the Parkersburg State Journal:
The origin OF the term stump speak
ing Is little bit obscure. In our
grandpa,s times this country was very
embryotic and sparsely populated with
cultivated people. Those who were
here mad eioped from home or some
other place. II was Allied with Indians
who had been niclS-named aporigines,
by the boys, and covered with trees. AS
fast as the aforesaid aborigines. and
trct 5 could be enthusiastically removed
without injury to home Industries the
good plous work OF removing was car
ried on successfully. Thus plenty OF
stumps were secured, and when grand
pas were not making fertilizers and
sky-rockets out OF the aborigtnes, were
NOT cutting down trees for tre-wood,
or were not fishing or hunting, they
were making speeches, delivering ser
mons. temperance lectures and other
public announcements, and stumps
were Invariably used to elevate the
oratorical orators. That is where the
term originated, and, through respect
lingering only, It's true, for the way In
which Il commenced, we preserve II.
That Is one reason why our grandpas
legs were 30 long-running from abor-
iglnes and climbing stumps TO make
speeches, which naturally elongated
their lower stills; and they didn't wear
crlmped pants either. Civilization has
DESTROYED all the stumps In thickly
populated election precincts. therefore
a stumper must be furnished with n
stump. either by himself or some one
else, and should always carry It with
him In carpet sack.
Each stumper should have one made
to order, which can be done by sending
10 the political Stumper's Stump Man
ufacturing Company" Jay county. Mo-.
giving the weight, complexion. length
OF legs and subject 10 be stumped up
on. or course the stump Is so arranged
as not to encourage stump suckers
either man or other beast.
They are quite a lot OK
second hand stumps Oh hand.
Some old Greenback sturnps, which can
coinage OF silverites." by simply re-
painting them with silver color; This
can be easily done.
They also have some bimetallic
stumps-one- bronzed with gold.
other half with silver; also some o!d
goid stumps. The entire lot OF old gold
stumps are sold to the east, while all
the free silver 'stumps are engaged
In the west. I don't quite understand
the situation OF things in this coming
campaign for 90 per cent OF the orders
for stumps now In, are for duck-legsed
stumpers.
There are no insists. and stumps can
be rented on the tnstalment plan, II
preferable-the application to be ae-
companied by n certificate OF character:
II he has never been a candidate, but II
he has been a candidate. no certificate
OF character will be received, but n GER
tilted check must be appended to the
order for any kind OF stump.
The writer, who Is the sole agent and
patentee OF the stumper's stump, has,
in his lucid moments. q few lingering
"reminiscences OF a purely personal and
private character about the ante-mor-
TEN promises OF candidates and stump
ers.
Civil service examinations OF official
stumpers will soon be made. and here 10
a partial description indicating the
scope OF the examinations:
Stumpers should be seventeen hands
nlKFl, CtOht tttIHta hhe ttstF. SIS
stumplng country districts riding on
bicycles should be eschewed; change
shirt always with yourself. once week
never wear collar. unless yoli have a
goodly supply OF paper or celluioid coll
lars; cultivate long hair, on your own
head OF course: always wash In a creek.
Il there iuonc withina mile OF the house
at which yeu are stopping; explain that
you do that washee act simply because
YOU are used to 1t at home, and not be-
cause you had any idea your enter
tainers did not have wash bowl. or a
foot-bath tub.
Dry goods. groceries, tobacco, Wills
key and other green goods 20 long
way In making successful campaign.
Rut money, silver dollars OF our pas, In
the most conducive. or even gold or
paper money cnn sometimes be used TO
some little advantage, not often, Of
course, az there are but a very few OF
the branches" manipulators, either
domestic or foreign made, that care
ANYTHING about money. II you are not
particular about being elected, and are
running or standing for the position
because II IL forced upor, you,or simply
to keep up party organization, MI YOU
need to do to be successful Is TO be
strictly honest and run on your ability
and patriotism. and II you are elected.
you should refuse to qualify or resign
and start freak museum, yourself
being the only attraction.
---s-