davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02
NEW YoRK.-Wool quiet.


NEW iORk.--As usual on Tuesday
and no malls from the more important
markets of the country the volume OF
new BUSINESS for current wants were of
moderate proportion.
From road statesmen the orders for
spring speclalttes were OF very good
proportions and included all fabrics and
qualities. Printing cloths were reported
dull. but steady Mt ossc. with no sales OF
spots. though 5000 weekly sales sold for
January and February.
FALL RlVER-print cloths very
quiet at Csc. But little demand and
that for futures
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

TILE length OF life may be Increased
by lcsscning Its dangers. The MAJOR
ity of people die from lung troubles.
These may be avcrted by promptly us
Ing One Minute Cough Cure. Charles
X. Goethe, corner Twelfth and Market
streets: Bowie & Co., Bridgeport: Pea
body & Son. Benwood. 3
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

NEW YORK.-Plg iron steady;
southern Sll OOG12 %; northern II OOdb
- 90, Copper quiet; brokers' 81 IS: ex-
change 50 05Ql3 10. Tin quiet; straits
sl3 90; plates quiet Spclter quiet; do
nestle 81 %.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02
Wheeling & Elm Grove Railroad,
Brldqe & Terminal Ry,
C. Q. BREWSTER, Receiver. M

~ " N''sAS " ~ AS''' ANeScNct. ~
TImc Table No. 70, to take effect 1901 a.
M, Sunday, November 10, 1896,
Leave Whccling-tSo1 1915. sll 40 q. H.,
ts:20, 'sI5. Il 30, $500 p. IN: -
Leave PcninsulaamotS:oG. 1851. sll:46. a. M,
Leave Martins Ferry-tsl2, 1857, sll:5a
n. M, Il ~. '3:2i. tiie, 1912 y. IN.
Arrive Terminal Junetior-fS:17, HOOP
Lenvo Terminal Junction-7:22. $500 q.
M, 'l2:i0 n. M. $3.50. s4:O5. iS:l4. fS:i5 D. m.
Leave Martins Fcrry--ti:.S. 1907 a. M.
'l9:I5 si:O5. tI:l0, 1919. 1855? p. III. ,aIfTs
+ Leave Pcnlnsula--t7:3l. s9:li u, M, sl2;5l.
H;ii, t4:l7, 1875, tS:5S n. m. 'T' -
Arrive Whoeling-t7:iO 500 a, M, .i2:s7,
t4i7, tl:25, 1881. 1905 y. m,
daily. tDaily except Sunday. Sundays
only.
3 All trains will run on Eastern Time.
j. L. TAUSSIG. Superintendent. it
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

OIL CITY-Credlt balances 81 O5: Ger
tiilcates. no bids; shipments GS,S9i bar
rels: runs lJ5,O23 barrels.
NEW EoRi.-Pennsylvanla crude
steady; January 81 CJ bid
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

The German comedian, talking to
the leader of the orchestra:
You needn't think just because you
have got water on the brain that you're
the whole ocean. No, sir!"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02
CASTORTA.

Tint Lame Back can DO cured with
DR.. Niles NERVE PLASTER Only :5c.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02
WHEELING WHOLESALE MARKETS.
Weekly Change OF Quotations In All
Lines OF Local Trade.
Office OF the Intelligencer,
OF the 1ntelllgencer,
ILL

Outside Of the cold weather advance
in eggs and hogs, there were few
changes In the wholesale market Tues
ln,,
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

utes reading would
make me almost Wild;
there were pulling and
drawing sensations in
my legs all tho time.
so that | could not sit
still. In this condl-
ton l began taking
nr Milpsi pee,nrofiyn
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

Srrvino and Its effect was simply won
tpr'ul. heartily commend your remedies
Dr. Niles Remedies are sold by all drug
,i.,s under II positive guarantee, first bottle
benefits or money refunded. Book on Heart
ard Nerves sent free TO all applicants.
pR. MILES MEDICAL CO., Elhkart, Ind.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

One member OF knock-about team
talking to another:
well, sir, the other day wanted n
drink and felt through all my pockets
and all / could find was five cents.
walked down Clark street until came
to place where it said on the window
Good whisky, five cents n drink"
walked into the place, and 1t was
nice saloon, too. 1t had sawdust all over
the floor and evergreen trees in the
window. I put down my nickel and
said: CT me a drink The bartender
passed out drink and whisk broom
Yes, sir. he pushed out the drink and
then he laid the whisk broom right
alongside Of 1t. Well, You see I didn't
know what the broom was for, and, at
the same time, didn't want to display
my Ignorance. I always claim to be
purity wise, you know. So stood there
in front of my drink and talked to the
bartender, waltln' till somebody else
took drink so as | could see what the
whisk broom was for. We talked there
4 little while, and then tramp come
in-oh, he was n sight! Ee put down a
nickel, and the bartender gave him a
drink of whisky and whlsk broom
The tramp drank the whisky, then he
picked up the whisk broom. walked
over next to the wall, swept away the
sawdust until he had a nice clean place
on the floor, and then he laid down and
had fit"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

.It's all right" said Bernstein, con-
iidentially. You could fool the others,
but You couldn't fool men. l was the
only one that caught on. What's the
use of putting In money to buy coal?
Don't 1. know the synagogue's heated
by steam?"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02

yl7IlEN u we'll known minister inter
w suffering for years with hctrt dis.
~ ease, Is cured, II Is not sutpriSing
IA, he should publish tho fact! fdr tho
benefit OF others. Rev. ]. p Smith. 1915
fulton st., Baltimore. Md. writes: "For
,s,rs suffered from severe form of heart
disease. used DR.. Miles New Heart Cure.
nd my heart is now In good condition.
Recently. other Affections came upon mo.
there was hummins, painful sensations on
,op aud back OF my head. Fifteen, min.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-12-02
NEW AND OLD.
Stage Jokes, Some of Which Are
Old Friends,
BUT ALL OF WHICH ARE GOOD.
Sample Side spiitters Told by sIonologus
Arti'ts--irlsh Wit nnh 1nnoesncs--IIor
One Comedian Found Dat the Use OF
Wli'k broom In n snioon--A DriLe ana
Groop,ln +. Predicament.

AS the young man who writes In the
sNosraph album would say,"Thcre are
No friends like the old friends"
Likewise, there are no jokes as good
as the jokes OF boyhood days.
Here are some stories recently told
from the stage. They are borrowed
stories, and they may or may not be
new. It Is not always the new story
that gets the loudest laugh in the thea
tire.
Jokes ate hot copyrighted except In
printed form. The comedians OF the
vaudeville stage borrow from the comic
papers, from one another, and even
from old joke-books.
Occasionally stage Joke Is so old
that 1t Is new, and this may be the
case with some OF the following:
Here is one told by the monologue
artist:
An Irishman who was laying brick
about four stories above the earth.
happened to lose his footing. He fell
more than fifty feet to the hard ground
below. ~ policeman standing across
the street saw the freshman fall. and
ran toward the spot where the poor
man Ind struck the ground.
The 1rishman was standing up, dust
ing his clothes, when the policeman ar
rived on q run. When he saw the no.
liceman he jumped back and threw up
one arm to guard his head from the
club.
"Phats the mattcr?" he asked. "Dld
come down too fast?"
Several monologue entertainers tell
this story:
The .abbl of Jewish congregation
arose one morning in the synagogue
and announced that he would take UP a
collection for the purchase OF the WIN
ter's supply of coal.
I'VE need 4 large sum of money"
said he, ''and to make sure that all of
you contribute literally, I am going to
pass the hat myself. Remember that
coal Is high this year, SO put in all you
cam"
The rabbi took the hat and passed 1t
along one row after another, and every
member OF the congregation put in
something until 1t came to Bernstein.
bernstein was wise young man. He
prfded himself on his shrewdness.
When the hat reached him he looked
up and gave the rabbi broad wink. 1t
was one of those knowing winks. But
he didn't put in any money.
When the first collection had been
counted up. the rabbi found that 1t fell
short of the required amount, so he
passed the hat second time, and once
more Bernstein, instead of putting In
any money, simply wlnked at tho rabbi.
Next day. the rabbi met him and
said: Look here, Mr.. Bernstein, what
did you mean by winking at me yester-
day when I was taking up that collec-
tion?"