The Somerset reporter., 1896-01-30
Az IMPEGUNIOIS one
The Boil skmegf BLUFF H flkYtr
or TIE CONDUCTOR

~ m 1OAAOg1 III
He va Sat Gstnbfer or a Drummer.
but a EanR clerh According To the
Man VII rers the story. He ought to
BE an Actor-=oh, II Wa wIakedl
He sal II a hotel smoking room. The
sir vas blue, bur men we're happy
happy and reminiscent He stretched
ont his legs, thrust his hands deep into
his pockets and between the puffs spun
Tins yarns
Fer dead cold icy nerve I had a.
10y, thought we travelling men took tie
si.s But the prettiest game If bluff !
YER s1W was PIT up by man who Vas
neither a drummer nor a reporter, but
merely an uyefworked bank clerk who
had applied for leave Of absence and
gone south 10 recnperate. lie had drawn
a certain sum for the trip aud resolved
not TO exceed It Foolishly he had leg
leeted to buy All excursion ticket, argu.
eng that he might want 10 return by
different route And then, as a matter
of course, be found that he had spent his
money not wisely but too well, so thai
he was hundreds of miles from home,
ticketless and friendless and we'll III gh
penniless. His eheckbook was useless,
for no one knew him and he must be
identified.
AL this learned later ON. Ny ac-
quaintance with him began on the train
of one of the southern roads, when be
asked me to stake him enough to see
him home. | had already been touched
several times that trip. So expressing ev-
cry confidence in his probity, declined
the honor he would do me. He tried
several other passengers With a like re-
suit Then he gave II up, but made Us
all promise not to interfere with any
game he tried to play.
Presently the conductor came along
The impecnnious one, his hat cooked
over one eye, was peacefully sleeping III
one corner Of his seat, leaning toward
an open window. The conductor shock
him, gently at first. so that he stirred
and his hat dropped farther over his
eye, but he did not wake Then more
roughly, saying, Come, sir, your ticket
please.
AT that the impecunious one awoke
with big start. His hat flew cut of the
window, and he flew into great rage
He swore at the conductor and abused
him up and down, him and his fore
fathers unto the third and fourth gener-
alton What did he mean by waking
him III Nat way: Didn't he know that
rest Was invaluable to an invalid? That
such Il sudden, rude awakening might be
fatal to "a weak heart: We're his nerves
Of no account: And HOW be had lost his
hat and would catch cold. 1t WAS out.
rageons.
The conductor bowed before the
storm, and when it had somewhat abat-
ed offered to replace the hat at the first
stopping place. And now, sir, let me
see your ticket please.
The impecanious one felt IN all his
pockets went through them all again
with bewildered air Finally he broke
out: Why, you idiot, You, all my tick
cts, not only ON this road, bit straight
through to Chicago, We're IN the lining
of my hat, and you knocked 1t out of
the window I'm in pretty pickle
NOW. | haven enough with me 10 buy
a fresh SET. Tins piece of idiocy Will
cost yon yanrAab. I'll report You to the
company aad y eh you to be more care
full how yen staftle nervous man.
1.-The conductor tried to soothe him,
offered to take him through to the end
of the division. But the impecunious
one would not be appeased. Much good
it would do him to be landed IN some
little nearby, one horse southern town
hundreds Of miles from nowhere file
wanted to get through to Chicago. lie
must get through. He had AN appoint
ment there that was worth thousands of
dollars Finally the conductor, by this
time badly frightened. promised to get
him tickets OF passes all the way
through, and the impecunious one sub
sided. And to the end of that road the
conductor, having replaced the dear de-
parted hat, maintained an humbly apol
ogetic tone that would have wrung tears
of blood from stone
auu III WAS only a DIull all hp well
carried ont that the conductor was
completely taken IN, and the rest of us
rubbed onr eyes and wondered whether
the impecunious ones attempt to touch
us was not, after all, dream.
Later on, travelling over that same
road. | told the conductor how he had
been worked. And he said he knew II.
for shortly after that trip he had receiy-
ed letter and check, the former con
Tossing the fraud, the latter paying him
the full price of the passage And he
added That fellow WAS a genius. If he
had made fuss at first about his tick
cts, I'd have been on to him in u min
ute but his tickets We're forgotten. 1t
was his nerves, his health, his heart, his
hat that were of Importance. And TO
think that he had no nerves, or health,
or hat-or heart. Oh, it was wicked !!
But that man has missed his vocation.
He ought to be on the stage. "-Chioa-
go Tribune.
A Little Bit HAsty.
Doctor, " said a distressed wife to