Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-08-24
FACTS AND FANCIES.


Judge.
81 have been informed that your first
attempt at long-distance ride on your
wheel turned out to be highly-dramatlc
affair." every. [ had to walk back. =
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The reason why the average woman
appears as old at 30 as the average man
at 40 is because the average woman
at 80 is usually about 10
Sorrows resemble the thistles; they sting
The hand that touches them lightly.
But slight the sensation of pain they DrinS
| The hand that clutches them tlghtl!i ,tss
Milton GOLDSMITH.
Possibly advertisements like the fol-
! lowing are not far Off:
For sale, a bicycle; sound and KIND,
good roadster. will stand without tying,
| afraid of nothing. This bicycle has been
a family pet, and will be sold only to
purchaser who will treat it kindly.-Bos-
ton Commercial Bulletin.
Chow did De Courcey Fitzalan. the
actor, come to change boarding houses !:
His landlady got personal the other
morning."
"How was that?'
"Well, she was particularly pleased
with her breakfast, and she asked him
how the eggs struck him.
Mrs. Sequel-"I understand your hus-
band can't meet his creditors. Mrs.
| W -
pecially Truth.
| Coroner-"You say you told the servant
| to get out of the house the minute you
Isdiscovered the fire, and she refused to
go?''
Mrs. Subbubs- "Yes; but she said she
must have a months notice before she d
think of leaving"
Had to Keep Steady.-"Did you feel
nervous and trembly when Mr.. Bikeleigh
pronosed?"
"No; didn't dare to-
Didn't dare to?'
mo. You see, we were riding a tardem
at the time
We wish a man could preserve JOY in
| cans. like tomatoes, and use it when
scarce When a man does find joy. he
usually finds more than he can use all at
| once.
''I'm the machine that can get ahead
of human beings. boosted the Guillotine.
''Well, | sometimes take hand my
SELF replied the Buzz Saw, modestly.-
New York World.
"Jack. is so bashful that when he pro-
posed to me the other night l had to as
sist him. "What did you say?"
..Whenever he hesitated I would call out,
play BALL Chicago Record.
Rogers Mr.. Hardwork in?'
Mrs. Hardwork-"No He said he
would be detained at the office until
quite late
Rogers-'"Then I'll surely find him at
the club"
NOT EVEN SECURE THERE.
! oh. for a lodge in some vast wilderness,
Some boundlesS cOntiguity OF shade
Where women do not get in groups to guess
How much their neighbours hired girls are
paid. Cleveland Leader
Snodgrass-"Who do you suppose orig
mated that saying, There's nothing like
| leather!
Wrinkle sob, some fellow who never
tackled railway refreshment room
/ sandwich, ] suppose"
4 Not an island has risen or sunk from
sight in the Pacific ocean in thirty-four
years. and biologists say that nature is
resting for future mighty effort. geo,
logist predicts that within fifty years a
CONFUSION of nature will sink the whole
of New Zealand fifty feet below the
surface of the sea.
Everybody Missing.-General latter
the battle)-"How many missing, colo
nel?" Spanish Colonel-''E Everybody s
missing-we haven't hit Cuban for
some time. Truth.
Method in His adness.-Marklane-
''You and your chum look so odd to-
gether-he is so tall and you SO short.
Why don't you chum with one of your
own size?'
Frogmorton-'I wanted to have one
that wouldn't borrow my dress suit
She-"Do you believe in long engage
ments?' He-''Well, think an engage
ment should be long enough to test a
to 1ear G04 to cook aG 8 eEf me Life Ie @
No Need to Look-"'Oh, Harryw ex-
claimed Mrs. Cumso, ''do look at that
bug crawling across the mirror "It
must be a lady-bug," replied Cumos,
without raising his eyes from his news
paper.-Detroit Free Press.
The Retort Trampean.-Miss Chile
dame-"Don't you know that nature reb-
nothing in this world without labor. =
Wrestling Often Humph! Can't he?
He can git hungry, | uess."-Harper's
! Bazaar.
Old Bramble-"Want to marry my
daughter, do you? Let me say, sir, that
you are not exactly the sort of a man
I should like for a son-in-law" Young
Gentleman-sWell, you are not the sort
of a man l should like for father-in-
law; but then, you know, we needn't be
/ chummy unless we want to. "-Household
Words
"AIr Starr said the manager. "you
positively must quit letting your mind
dwell SO much on your wheel"
9Th! Why?' asked the tragedian.
L cTIIdpS you are HOI aware u IL. Uul
! in the third act, where you should have
cried, 'Ye gods! / am stabbed! you
shouted. L am puncturedv Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Mosquitoes are hateful, aren't they?"
Eyes; ] don't mind their eating me if
they didn't keep up such an everlasting
complaint about the way | taste. Chi
cage Record.
|'Good morning. lieutenant! hear you
| 10 l.
is she now?'' Lieutenant-"Oh she's at
home congratulating herself. Fliegende
! Dlaetter.
Mica in Northern Idhao.
The mining Of mica is now being car
r;od ON nv tho MuScavifn Mininu com