The midland journal., 1896-02-14
PIKE WANTED A FOUT
zEB WHITE WAS SICK, BUT HE HAD
A SUBSTITUTE.

How q Critter Named Pike Became the
Wollopedest Man In Sight and How a
Good Wife Was Spoiled as Very Nat.
ural Consequence.
One October day Zeb White, the pos
sum hunter of Tennessee, took me along
with him when he went the rounds Of
his woodchuck traps, and as we were
coming home he told me this story:
81 worked so hard fur three or fo'
vars arter the wah," he began, "that
got all run down and couldn't skeercely
git about. Thar war days when felt
purity we'll, and days when jest sot
around and hadn't strength huff to
move cutdoahs. That same y y'ar crit
ter named Pike moved into the naybur-
hood. He was from Alabamy, I believe,
that he was a hefty man in scrim.
mage He talked so loud and blowed SO
high that ever body was skeart O. him,
and he jest went around steppin high
and bossin the roost. Reckon ye hev
met up with sich chaps in the moth ?'''
eyes, I've seen several of them.
"That perky critter used to cum down
to my cabin and brag and blow and tell
how many men he'd licked, and one day
1 gin him plain to understan that didn' I
believe in his stories That made him
mad, and he went away sayin as how
he'd wollop me fur his next victim.
He knowed was in pore health and
couldn't fight q fly, but every two OF
three days he'd cum down and stand in
front of the cabin and yell:
"'Now, then, Zeb White, cum out
yere and git the awfullest wollopin a
human critter ever received. I'm no
hand to brag, but I kin tie both hands
behind me and then chaw ye up in two
minits. I've licked AZ different men and
never even got my nose skinned. Either
own up that ye dasn't fight man OF
cum out and be wolloped.
"That's the way he'd talk to me-, !"
continued Zeb, "and I'd git so mad that
I cried like child. Bimeby begun to
git leetle better, and che Gay when he
was callin on me to euza forth and be
wolloped told him that if he'd show
up week from that day I'd tackle him.
He went away crackin his heels and
whoopin and rejoicin, and the old wom
an seq to me, sez she:
"'Zeb White, if ye was we'll man
ye could wollop that critter befo' ]
could make a hoe cake, but ye've bin
down the banks all summer, and ye'
can't git we'll in week. I'm sorry ye
passed yer word, but bein it's passed
we'll hev to abide by it. I'll git whisky
and roots tomorrer and brace ye up. "
"And did you get better?'' asked.
"No, got wuss. Whisky and roots
didn't do me no good. When the week
was up, was in bed and too feeble to
walk across the room. That pesky critter
knowed jest how it was with me, and
yit he cum and stood in front of the
cabin and shouts to the ole woman:
CAR this the dwellin place of a
varmipt named Zeb White?'
"'She be.
"'Calls hisself the Possum Hunter
of Tennessee, don't hep
"'Yes, he do.
Has wrassled with bars and wild
cats and painters, and thinks hisself
powerful ON the fght?'
'..That's my zeh,'
"'Then I hain't made no mistake.
Would ye do me the everlastin kindness
to tell him to step out yere while Ichaw
his ears off to stay my hungerP
"'He's sick abed jest now, but if
ye' II cum back arter dark he'll make ye
eat grass and beller like q ealfp
'';I'll do it, ma am Thar won't be
no mo- delay?'
"'No, sab
"'He'll cum right out and be pulver-
ICED, will hep
HE willl'
"'Then ye kin ba Iookin fur me,
Widder Whitei I'll be kinder sorry to
see death take him from ye, but must
hev him fur my forty eighth victim!
Good AFTERNOON, Widder White-good
AFTERNOON
"That's how they talked" said zeh
as he heaved rock at snake summing
himself on rock, ':and of co'se l heard
every word of it. ! jest couldn't help
weepin with my madness. How was l
to go out and fight him when couldn't
git outer bed? That's what asked the
ole woman, and she sorter winked and
smiled and sez to me, sez she:
""Zeb, doan' ye worry no, mo- bout
this wollopin bizness, but leave it all to
me. If that yarmint shows up yere to-
night, he'll be the wurst licked man in
all Tennessee befo' he gifts awayr
But who's gwins to lick him2'
{! Never ye mind'
"She wouldn t say no mo-, d." continued
Zeb, land 1 was too feeble to figger it
out. 1 cried myself to sleep. and it was
arter dark when woke qp. That thar
yarmipt had cum back, 'cordin to prom
ise, and was in front of the cabin
a-shoutin:
'Zeb White. the time has cum fur
ye to be pulverized. Aiebbe Won't do
no mo- than chaw yer ears off and Grip
pie ye fur life, but I'll do that much fur
shore. Cum outer yer hole and stand up
to me like a man. ..,
"Iast about the time he begun to hol-
Ter my Gle woman begun to git outer her
clothes and inter mine,
"'What ye gWine TO do?' sez l.
:; .awine out to wollop that critter or
die, sez she.
"'But ye ar a woman and he's
powerful fighter.
'Zeb White, ye snuggle down and
keep quiet He's cum fur fout He's
bin promised one and has to hev it. As
ye can't fight him l shall, and I'm
a.feelin that the Lord will put jaw