The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-03-30
COURTENAY. CASE GRAVELLE COMPANY
MING =Butte, Montana
Butte Department.
BURDETTE IS COMING
The Famous HumOriSt and Journals
Will Be Here Friday.
HE MAKES THEM ALL LAUGH
How the Irishman Admires Him. the
Swede Praises Him and Chin
mie Fadden Recommends
Him-Some Stories.

Robert ]. Burdette. the well-known
Journalist, humorist and wit, sometimes
called the laugh philosopher" and
"prince of pathos." will deliver one of
his famous lectures at Maguire's opera
house next Friday evening. There are
many people in Butte who have heard
the noted humorist before. One or
them is the Hon. Tim Grogan. IT'S
betther nor goin' til a wake, Moike,'
said Mr.. Grogan to a friend. Il m
shpakin' av Bawb B'rdette. Don't We
miss It, Moike. av liver yez have
chanst fur to hear i'm. Av that man
liver cooms in a mile O. yez, begobs. you
shtop Fright there. darlint, an yez
won't be sorry. l knowed a man wanst
an tn ould country, that cud talk IN
whishkers of a br-r-ass monkey. he
cud that. He cud tell a sthory. Moike,
that 'ud make the praste himself do
pinnance for laughin at it. But. be
Ja-arge. he was the Book of Lamenta-
atoms be tn side av B'rdette. Where
did he lairn to be- so funny? 1 dinnaw,
Moike. 1t was BORN in i'm, I'm think
in. / am sore yet wild laughing at
i'm An sometimes, dye moind, he
brings tn tears til y'r eyes. Amy man
that don't laugh an cry both when he
hears Bawb Brdette. Moike-well. he's
not a man, begobs He's a domd
gazabo"
Perhaps the best Judge of a good
thing is Chimmie Fadden: Say, dat
Bob Burdette's a chin dandy, an dat
goes. See?' says Chimmie. "'E amt
no cheap skate. Els got fun to burn.
OATS right. ELS a peach, an i amt
stringin' yer, needer. On de dead, I'd
rudder hear i'm do is song an dance
bout the risin' an de fallin' o. de mus
fash dan ter miss four meals, an OATS
dead right. It's bettern scrappin'. Say.
st 'ud "a killed we dead ter seed de
solemn ole mug at wus settin braced
back in lis seat at de lekcher de udder
night like e wus dom Ii on a bet an
wuzn't goin' ter laff If it busted is dia-
frame. Aw, Bob Burdette didn't do a
ting ter him! De ole geezer didn't get
onto is curves at de beginnin', blu e
made a holy terror of ITSELF wen Bob
got warmed up. OATS right. You
could hear de wrinkles a-cracl<in' wen
e did get ter latin. e snorted right
out Il did. OATS right. An purity
soon e wus a-coughin' an wipin' is
eyes an BLOWN is nose an hammer
an is ole hoofs on de floor, an / says,
Cheese II. ole hunks! jes like dat. l
says, Yer gittin' dead on, ole Hunks,
amt YEP An e KEEP on latin an
cryin' an maxim dern guy of ITSELF.
Say. IL yuse is wantin ter be steered
up ag'inst de bes' ting ye ever struck.
60 an hear Bob Burdette. I'm tellin'
ye, and 1t goes. See?"
way, All go hair Master Bairdaitte,"
said Yon Yonson. "Ay tank hay ban
tay vunniest main Ay ever wass go
an Ay never wasS lavvin so much be-
fore. Hay wass make a goot sbeeches
soame taime down ain Sent Pol, Min
nesot. Ay go hair aim. Hay wass tay
vunniest weller on tay yawb. Ay go
me NIT Sven Svenson- Sven wass hay
cups sax hour max dye. Aft Ay wass
dawk Ang'lish lake hay dawk, Ay go
me oud an wass make sbeeches may
own salt. bay Yorge!"
Here are few fables by Bob Bur-
dette:
''rhe Hair and the Tortures"-An old
Hair that had passed many years of its
life in the funny papers was one day
hurrying along the street II met a nice,
clean Pat of Butter, child's size.
Where are you going in such haste?"
inquired the Butter. II am going to a
boarding house." replied the Hair, "of
which / have often heard. but which
j have never SEEN" Have never
saw" corrected the Butter, and then
added: 81 will wager a pair of dumb
bells that can go the long way round
and get there first" The Hair. who was
renowned for his speed. readily assent
ed, and was off like a shot. leaving the
Butter far behind: but just as he was
nearing the boarding house door he
was inopportunely met by the Funny
Man of the Able Journal. with which
the Hair was himself connected. and at
once collared him, and saying, You
are the very fellow have been looking
for" led him back 10 the standing gal
lery Moral-The race is not so much
TO the man with the tip as to the Fell
low who gets there.
Progressive Christianity" AIR
said the Superintendent. land here is
Tommy Goodboy's missionary Offering
-S275O that will make some little
heather hearts glad Now. tell US how
you got this money. Tommy" Yes.
sir" said Tommy, speaking up loud
and distinctly like the good boy that
he was; part of It Pa won on change,
some of IL Ma won on a crazy-quilt
rattle. some OF II Sister Laura won al
progressive euchre, two dollars Brother
Bill won on the horse race, twenty
cents / got for marbles l won playing
keeps, and the rest ! won in a grab
bag and a prize cake at the church
fair" After a brief consultation the
brethren decided that they would send
wouldn't tell him how IL was raked in
There are some things i'm modern
Christianity il isn't best even for the
heather TO know.
TN the Lunatic Asylum. what
makes the locomotive tender?" asked
Agamemnon, willing TO show his ha.
tired toward all mankind Because,
replied Eudosia, 1T is in soak all tn,
time. Water makes anything tender
save a hen" And what" inquired tn,
instructor. will soften the hen p
Early death" said the pupil. "Deati
In the shell from suffoca.ion." "Hai
this premature death ever been know
10 occur?" continued the professor