The herald., 1896-12-08
The Yarn Of a DisgruntIed
Ghost Ret0ld
1T WANDERS DlSCONSOLATE
Midnight Adventure of . Herald u
Reporter
Col. Otis Weeps-Has a Tender Heart
but Lacks the Courage to Attend
the Funeral Of a Friend.

"Yes," murmured the apparition, as
1t gathered its flowing robes about an
ETHEREAL form and squatted on the un-
clean steps of the Times office. Il am
the ghost of the Morning Hoodoo's late
circulation"
At the mention of this supposed non
entity The Herald reporter pricked up
his ears.
"Oh, but I've had a time of it," went
on the spook, with a graveyard yawn;
"a time of it to live, and time of it
since 1 died. You see it's an honored
custom among people Of our profession
to linger about the place of our tormel
associations for some time otter we
have kicked the bucket. But Otis is
making it too hot for me. don't dare
so nearer the press room than these
steps.
why? Well, If you could have only
heard all that passed through this
empty head of mine during the past
week you wouldn't ask such foolish
question. The colonel has been as mad
as moist female barn fowl ever since
The Herald began 10 cut into me. BY
his rawlings he has driven everybody
about the roost here as crazy as him
self and the end is not yet. Wants COM
pany, / guess. Calls all hands on deck
about four times a day and swears at
them by the hour-trick he learned
while bossng his negro regiment, they
say. Then he takes the boys up into the
dog kennel one by one and hurls pro-
family at them until they swallow all
the black plug tobacco they have be-
tween their quaking jaws. and makes
their knees come together with series
of dull thuds that simply appalls me-
But, say what you will against the
colonel he has heart. and tender feel
ings too-feelings that can be touched
You needn't grin, sir; l didn't empha-
size the touched Why, man, he has
cried, wept, actually she'd tears, twice
to my certain knowledge during the past
few months.
"The first occasion was when ne oor-
rowed that sixteen thousand dollars,
hooked his stock, and sold the rem
nant of his soul to the City Water COM
pany The thing was so dead easy, and
they snapped up his offer SO quickly that
he went up stairs as soon as he got back
to the Office and just laid down beside
the other-the big Dane-and cried like
a spanked baby for half an hour-be-
cause he had not asked for double the
amount.
1.-THE next time the brewing froth of
his pent-up perplexity bathed his wealth
er-beaten countenance was when that
chunk of blood-money was exhausted
back into my empty veins-and he dis
covered that I had gained the threshold
of cold and clammy death.
"You see, I have been his pride and
pet these many years-in fact, the only
pet he possessed or loved, save himself
and 1 don't blame him for feeling broke
What killed me? Well, that Is re-
freshing. Thought every one knew the
cause or rather the causes, which lead
to my taking off. Fact is, I've been
slowly passing away for year or more.
although the end came only recently. If
you've got few minutes more I'll go
into details. 1t tickles me all over to
have an opportunity to talk-to hear my
own voice once more. The colonel
hasn't given me chance for many
moons, 1 can tell you.
ITO start with that blumgasted eagle
rot has made some deep cuts into my
vitals, been making me sick at the
stomach Sunday after Sunday. You
ought to see the letters that came In
roaring and ordering papers stopped
Does the old man like it? Well 1 should
say nit, and not. But he can't help
himself. The man that grinds 1t out
loaned him some money few years ago,
and writes the eagle column in lieu of
interest. What he'll get in the way of
principal the Lord only knows.
But when that clieesy, bald and bare
stuff about THE HERALD commenced to
crowd out news 1 just had to throw up
Threw up subscribers at the rate of fifty
to hundred a day.
Then part of me caught an awful cold
lying on the cheerless ground where !
had been thrown as sample copies, with
no one to pick me up. Besides this
contracted malaria with wasting fever
attachment when dumped into slop
barrels and other similar places where
the bowling popuface chucked me on
every hand.
THE colonel tried to keep me alive
with sample copies, but the dose got
so much bigger 0ay by day, and the pain
in the Hoodoo's pocket book got so bad
that all hope was abandoned, and was
left to die.
He will Join me before long, 1 am
afraid; can't stand to live without me-
to say nothing of the worry you Herald
people are causing by joshing him about
having Price for running mate and
bedfellow.
mo. Otis didn't leave town because he
thought the city election was going
against him. That's all bosh. He
expected that from the first. Fact is,
the Times superintendent Of circula-
ton gave it out that he was going to
bury me on Sunday, and the president
and general manager couldn't bear 10
see me laid away.
Whats that? Does Otis kick?
You've seen a Missouri mule, haven't
you? And that long-limbed, blue
bloomered female reaching with her toe
for the dudes hat on our bill boards?
Well neither of them is in it with Har-
rison Gray Otis. Why, about three
At this juncture the ghost was fright
ened away by the approach of fou'
large moving vans loaded with uAsold
comics of the Times which vera heinr
returned under cover Of darkness, and
the reporter musingly wandered away.
A movement is on foot among the Clyde
tion of the mems interes tS and to establish
a central executive to deal with all labor