The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-08-30
BOSTON Culture SHOCKED.
Amazing Ignorance of n Man Who
Aspired 10 BE Porter In the Public
Library

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rand boy in the Boston public Library was
held recently. One Of the candidates for
porter shocked the examiners by his dis
play Of frivolity in evading questions
which he could not answer. He did not
get the position. The paper as printed is
as follows.
Q.-Describe briefly the difference. as
recorded in history, between a Pilgrim
and Puritan.
A.-One was a centerboard and the
other a fn-keel
Q--ThrOugh what states does the Ms
sissippi river pass?
Ats usual state, mud and water. does
not alter.
Q.-Account as briefly as possible for
the commercial importance of Chicago,
London and New York.
A.-Pork, missionaries. gamblers.
Q.-Where are Louisville, Detroit, Car
aeas. Sierra Leone. Cyprus, Stockholm.
Budapest, Berne, the Orinoco river?
A.-The exact location of these places
as indicated in present maps, have been
seriously questioned, and I cannot I'M
dertake to settle the dispute without fur
Their inquiry. The Orinoco river passes in
a not altogether straight course through
the Orinoco valley and is fed by various
feeders.
Q.-Where is Chicago?
Al don't know. I am a New Yorker.
Q.-where is Cleveland?
Ale won't tell.
Q.-Describe a feasible course for the
decentralization of the globe mentioning
all bodies of water which would be passed
through.
AIN a balloon No waters would be
passed through.
o.-What was the cause Of the war of
1872 and of the Mexican war?
Above for fghting-with excuses.
Q.-Describe two famous naval battles
of any age?
with each other approached and an en-
gagement ensued in which one side got
the worst of it. The fight then stopped.
This describes all naval battles and of
any age.
Q.-Mention in chronological order the
political parties in the United States
which have in turn controlled affairs
from 1888 to the present?
A.-NOt having been an officeholder dur
ing any of the periods referred to these
facts have escaped me.
Q.-What was the French revolution?
Give dates and tell in a few words what
causes produced It?
A.-The French revolution was an up
rising among the French people. l can
not give dates" because this revolution
only occurred once. 1t was caused by
the desire to kill those whose faults were
different.
Q.-How may the races of mankind be
chiefly divided?
A.-Losers and winners.
Q.-What does the Indo-Germanic fam
lily include?
A.-Indians and Germans, but in Kan
sas the combination is said not to be a
success.
Q.-Is there any distinction ethnically
between the Chinese and japanese; if so,
what?
Ayes. The Japanese can fight.
Q.-What is a trOubadour?
A.-The trOubadour is now extinct, and
the question should inquire as to what
troubadour was.
Q.-Name the present Poet Laureate.
A western paper lately said his
name was William Watson"
Q.-What is a a wade mecum, ~ a con-
cordance. 90 a digest?
Aft you swallow No. 2 you will have
No. / for want of No. 3.
Q.-What do you understand by the
phrase blank verse;"
A.-General WEAKNESS.
Q.-Name an English author who used
Att never had any use.
Q.-What do you understand by an
"orat:on?"
A speech over the dead body of
Caesar.
Cor what persons are the following
pseudonyms: Mark Twain, George Eliot
Currer Bell. Jean Paul?
A.-Their real names don't count.
Q.-Why are these pseudonyms used?
A.-To create mystery-for advertise
ment.
Q.--What famous work did each of the
following persons write: Darwin, Victor
Hugo, Cervantes. Nine de Stael, Goethe,
George Bancroft, Tennyson, Benjamin
Franklin?
A.-These people did not combine to
write any one work. They took different
Zines.
Q.-What is the difference between a
university and a college?
Alt is merely one of degree.
Q.-What is secondary education?
A.-Taking thing on hearsay.
Q.-What do you understand by univer-
sity extension?
A.-The Yale boat race In England.
Q.-What do you understand by the
word "fetich?'
"A yellow dog, for luck.
Q.-Tell what you know of the origin of
penny postage, the electric telegraph. the
submarine cable, the discovery of anes-
thetics?
Al know nothing and I claim full
marks for this, as entirely complying with
the direction.
Q.-why is piracy now practically ex-
tinct
Although change of name. Except in
the book business it is now called "diplo-
macy, "trusteeship," etc.
Estate briefly the hypothesis of the
European origin of the Aryans.
A.-The Aryans had no European ORR
gin. They came from Asia.
Q.-Give a plausible explanation of the
origin of the Indians of America.
A.-There is none.
Q.-What, in a few words, are transcen-
dentalism, epicurianism and utilitarian-
ism?
A.-The first means thinking on the roof
while living in the basement; the second
means living high on $3.50 a week: the
third is the study Of how to do so.
Q.-Name in chronological order the va
rious peoples which have inhabited Eng
land.
A.-England has been inhabited by Eng
fish only. Various foreign people arrived.
but Immediately became English. Witness
the Saxons, some Romans, the Normans.
William Waldorf Astor, Richard Croker
and Mrs Maybrick