Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-12-17

| LOT uer. HdC was ldrBciy Decdusc Liz
safe seemed SO huge and so dignified
as it sat in majesty upon the truck that
brought it.
"That thing doesn't come into my
housed" she exclaimed, Indignantly
when the servant girl rushed up into her
room with the news that procession
had stopped in front of the house, and
showed it to her from the window
"It's big enough for pawn shop! LIE,
him leave it in the front yard IL he wants
to.
| Undoubtedly the escort made the safe
seem more formidable than it was in
reality. The escort included two big,
| fat, jolly Percherons, a truck with a
windlass, complete outfit of ropes and
tackle and skids and derricks, two red
signs with the warning, Danger" on
them in big letters, stout man who
bossed the job, and two assistants in
check jumpers who jollied the servants,
1t caused commotion in the neighbor-
hood and collected a crowd in front OF
the house. Altogether it was enough
to arouse the ire of any housewife. But
| there may be some affinity between
handling safes and handling women,
for the man who was bossing the job
seemed to have as little difficulty in
moving the one as in cajoling the other
He told her what nice safe it was and
Gained her apprehensions by assur-
ing her that it would not really be nee
essary to take the front wall of the
house down in order to get the safe in.
| By the time the assistant had rugged up
derrick and arranged their skids and
| their tackle she was able to contem-
plate the safe with more kindly feelings,
| Then the men got the thing into the
house after nearly taking the front door
| of it's hinges, denting the hat rack and
| smashing the globe of the hall lamp.
This damage was so much less than the
devastation she had expected that she
felt positive gratitude to the safe when
it was in position at last.
"I don't know how we have got along
| without it," she remarked.
| The safe certainly had it's good points
outwardly, whatever it's moral failings
as demonstrated by subsequent events.
twas big, hand-painted in white, picked
out with fine gold lines, and had its
| proprietor's name upon it in gold let
| tiers. 1t was fitted with q combination
| lock, over which you could spend q
quarter of an hour profitably whenever
| you wanted to open the door. In order
to prevent mistakes, the proprietor eX-
| planned the combination to his wife and
| his servant, and showed them how to
| work it. AS further precaution, he
| wrote it out in large figures and posted
the paper in the most conspicuous place
he could think of. Then he considered
cure.
ITS too blame easy to forget the
| combination to take any chances about
it." he said.
The safe set ont at once to make its
presence felt. A spry young man was
| announced by the maid servant.
I'm from the burglar alarm COM
pany," he said Better let us put n
| burglar alarm on that safe of yours.
When you set out to make property Sc
cure, better spend little more money
and be perfectly sure of it,"
"Bah!" returned the owner Its a
safe, isn't it?"
YES" replied the burglar alarm man,
land so you don't want to be penny
wise and pound foolish!"
And it's a good safe, too, isn't it?''
| continued the man.
That's just it," replied the burglar
| alarm man, earnestly. THE better the
safe the more it interests a good bur-
glar, and the harder he will try to blow
it open with nitroglycerin."
BAH" said the owner again, show
| ing the burglar alarm agent out.
Next there came a district messenger
boy.
THE boss wants to know" he said,
"will you have your house watched by
a special policeman"
"What for?" demanded the proprie-
tor of the safe.
ITO drive away the tramps," said the
boy. "Tramps will grab the safe the
first thing"
''Go way!" said the owner, scornfully
A little while later the maid servant
announced that the policeman would
like to see the gentleman. The gentle,
man told her to bring him up.
I'm on this beat" the policeman said
by way of introduction. That's nice
safe you've been getting, but, as you
have it now, it's all in the dark. You'd
ought to leave light burning all night
so as to shine on it. Then can look in
the window once in awhile and see that
it's all right"
"Do you think the safe is likely tc
run away?" demanded the owner, ia
cetiously.
The policeman nodded his head sober.
" and responsibility.
"Where there's safe there's some
thing worth putting in it," he said
"and where there's something worth
putting in safe there's burglars"
Hang burglars!" retorted the man
scornfully. Isn't it good safe?"
"Well," replied the policeman, mys
teriously, cit was only for your OWL
good that 1 spoke about it." And he