The Wichita daily eagle., 1896-01-25

| n1lSSlOnerS. PROFESSOR Dyer and PreSi-
dent Hatton OF the school board and
come out 10 2502 East Central avenue
| and see the COW and dog.
Blame my cats, il makes me hot 70
| have them question my veracity simply
because they have not seen thing. The
! proof Of a pudding is the chew Of the
, string. and that dogs tail ought TO con-
vince anybody that the bicycle was ac-
/ tually seen as stated.
There IS another thing about the dog
that IS peculiar 10 say the least, and that
is his teeth have almost all come out,
and his face is horribly dished. similar
/ 10 hogs that have been inbred. That
dog IS not handsome creature, but he
viii give some of the skeptics about
town something TO think about.
There is another mistake l want YOU
in the interest Of science TO correct, and
that is that l saw the bicycle by the aid
OF the light from my window. The fact
is that the thing gave out a light itself
and for twenty feet each way there was
perfect halo, and l could plainly have
seen to have read an Eagle by the light
given out by the bicycle. Then there
was the smell and this sense could not
have deceived me. L smelled sulphur
just a plain as l ever smelled anything
in my life. II was the light and the
smell that set the dog and COW wild and
made her run like the ID down the
road.
Here. scratch out that cuss word or
the old woman will throw that at me
with her peculiar nasal twang, like she
does them d-n cloves
The reporter did as he was requested,
and Mr.. Cooley continued:
You made another horrible bull about
that COW which gives a scientific man
the impression that the whole thing was
fake instead of the gospel truth, and
that was when you said that green balls
fell from the cows horns. They Were
not green but blue, and they came as
much from her tail a 8 her horns. have
got a scientific solution of the subject
and that il that the COW was of mega
tive temperament and the bicycle was Of
a positive nature and when the cow
passed within this halo Of which | spoke
she absorbed the electricity from the
bicycle. The whole thing was an cleo
trio demonstration, carried on by an un-
developed SpOOk. You see 1 have been
learning something about the subject
and got lots of pointers from Judges
Campbell and Tucker today.
The reason the COW lost her milk in
the road was because she was so filled
with the sulphuric substance that she
could not hold onto her milk and con-
IF you write the thing as it actually
occurred all scientific men would have
seen the reasOnableness of the whole
thing, and that is one thing that makes
me so particular.
'When the little balls of fire fell from
the COW they would sizzle on the damp
ground just as though you had put a
fiat iron down on the cold ground when
red hot
81 can bring you twenty men who have
seen this bicycle spinning around, but
they are all anxious 10 keep their names
out of the paper. That evening when
the COW broke loose and went down the
road, / saw our old tom cat coming
home from a sparkling spree of some
kind, and he happened to fall within
this sulphuric halo, and it did nothing
to him but snatch him up in the air, and
if he turned one summersault he turn
ed 500 and was thrown over the top
OF that twenty foot hedge, and when 1
picked him up yesterday there was not a
whole hair on his body. He is singed
cat for sure, and his eyes, which We're
yellow, are now as black as any hat
and his tail was drove clear through his
body, and if the committee will come out
today they can see Tom with the butt
end of his tail sicking up between his
ears.
Everything that came within twenty
feet of that bicycle was burned fearful
l am glad to say that the COW did not
die, but every hair on her body wa
turned toward her head, which was in
the direction which the riderless BIZ
cycle was going. l think if the COW had
been standing with her head instead Of
her tail toward the advancing bicycle,
she would have been a gone gosling.
This, you see, is what knocked buffers
teeth out and when he was turned over
so his tail fell in the direction Of the BIZ
cycle, it was drove in his body.
81 can show any man in the city ex-
actly where the bicycle made the figure
&. 1t is burned in the ground. | will
swear that I saw the wheel 90 through
the hedge which is so thick that a rabbit
can't go thrigh, and for 200 feet il ran on
top of the hedge. It then came down
and cut a pigeon wing through the
.barbed wire fence, then got up and ran
along the top wire and then turned side
ways and ran along the third wire.
Now. read me you notes"
The reporter obeyed, commencing at
the right place.
That is all right and nobody but a
fool Will dispute that report. Oh for
got t. tell you the number Of the bicy-
Gle. which may lead TO proving who il be-
longs TO. 1t was No. 371,144 Come out
tomorrow and see the COW. cat and dog,
and if you have nothing else 10 do come
out Sunday night and see the thing for
yourself.
The Minneapolis papers report that
Mrs. Lease was rendered an ovation in
that city. She viii probably stay long
er than she originally intended, as her
calls for lectures are so numerous Her
principal lecture IS Christ or Caeser,"