Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1896-08-19
MORE BEEF AND LESS DIGNITY.
What the Hungry Houston MAN
Sought in a Boarding House.

What the Hungry Houston Man
Sought in a Boarding House.
As the snake reporter was vending
his way homeward he was approached
by a very gaunt, hungry-loooking man,
with wild eyes and emaciated face.
Can you tell me, sir he inquired
"yhere | can find in Houston a family
of low-born scrubs?"
II don't exactly understand, SAID
the reporter.
LET me tell you how it is said the
emaciated man. Il came to Houston
month ago and hunted up boarding
house, as | could not afford to live al
a hotel. | found a nice, arlstocratle.
looking place that suited me and went
inside. The landlady came in the par
lor, and she was very stately LADY
with a Roman nose i asked the price
of board, and she said: Eighty dol.
lars per month"; l fell against the door
lamb and she said:
"'You seem surprised, sab. You
will please remember that l am the
widow of Governor Riddle, OF Viz
giniah. My family is very highly con
nected; give you board as a fagah, |
never consider money as an equiya-
lent to advantage of my society. VIII
you have room with door in itT
"I'll call again. said, and got out of
the house somehow.
Il went to some more boarding.
houses.
1.-THE next lady said she WIS de-
scended from Aaron Burr on one side
and Captain Kidd on the other. She
was using the Captain Kidd side in her
business. She wanted to charge me
60 cents an hour for board and lcdg'
ing. | travelled around all over Hous-
ton and found nine widows of supreme
court judges, twelve relics of Cover
nors and generals and twenty-five ruins
left by happy departed colonies, pro-
fessors and majors, who put fancy fig
ures on the benefit of their society and
carried victuals as side line. | fill
ally grew desperately hungry and en
gagged a weeks board at nice stylish
mansion in the Third ward. The lady
who kept it was tall and imposing.
She kept one hand lying across her
wrist and the other held prayerbook
and a pair of icehooks. She said she
was an aunt of Davy Crockett and
was still In mourning for him. Her
family was one Of the first in Texas.
1t was then supper time and | went III
to supper. Supper was from $3.50 to Z
and consisted of bakers bread, prayer
and cold slaw. l was so fatigued that
l begged to be shown to my room I'M
mediately after the meal.
81 took the candle, went into the
rooms he showed me and locked the
door quickly. The room was furnish
ed In imitation of the Alamo. The
walls and floor were bare and the bed
was something like monument, only
harder. After midnight l felt some
how as If / had fallen into a prickly
pear bush, and jumped up and lit the
candle. | looked into the bed and eX-
claimed:
'Thermopylae had her messenger of
defeat, but the Alamo had a thous-
and
81 slipped out of the door and left
the house.
"Now, my dear sir, am not wealthy
and 1 cannot afford to pay for high
lineage and moldy ancestors with my
board. Corned beef goes further with
me than coronet, and when | am cold
coat of arms does not warm me. |
am desperately hungry, and l hate
everybody who can trace their an
cestors further back than the late Con-
federate reunion. l want to find a
boarding house whose proprietress was
left while an infant In a basket at n
livery stable, whose father was an un,
naturalized dago from the Fifth ward
and whose grandfather was never
placed upon the map. | want to strike
low-down, scrubby piebald, sans
culotte outfit that never heard Of fin
ger bowls or grace before meals, but
who can get up a mess of hot corn
bread and Irish stew at regular mar
ket quotations. Is there any such
place in Houston?"
The snake reporter SHOOK MS mead
sadly. II never heard of any," he said.
The boarding houses here are run by
ladies who do not take boarders to
make a living; they are all trying to
get better rating at Bradstreets than
Hetty Green's"
Then" said the emaciated man,
desperately, 81 will shake you for a
long Washington Post.