Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-07-02

81 N 1 IN ~ 10 duHOunCt udI NC
q vi IT Hon. Backw e
NVJ Black of Kintucky
WV has hoofed 1t fur
10 42S miles ober de
dirt roads to d'liber
an address befo' dis club, an am now
asleep on de bench in de aunty-rcom,
1t pains me, fustly, bekase he ar bod
in at my cabin free of charge, an
am one of the biggest eaters | ever
saw; secondly, bekase know he wants
to borry 50 of me, an hain't got de
moral courage to refoose him; thirdly
bekase he likes dis town an may
nebber return to Kintucky any mo-,
in which case he may becum sich a
nuisance dat Givadam Jones Will be
called upon to gin him de grand
bounce. 1t am said howeber, dat he
am brilliant orator an knows how to
mix up whitewash so it will look like
de fresco paintin of Rome an Venice
De committee will go out an wake
him up an bring him in an we Will gin
him a far show"
When the Hon. BaCkwater appeared
on the platform his dimensions seemed
to be as follows: Length over ALL seven
feet; breadth Of beam, two feet; depth
of hold, four feet; carrying capacity,
fourteen mince pies and gallon OF
milk. He was not handsome man.
On the contrary, his facial appearance
would have sent cold chill over any
white dog he happened to meet at mid
night on lonely highway. He seemed
to be good-natured, however, and he
was decidedly at home as Brother
Gardner introduced him and he bowed
right and left and agitated the toes
which peeped out of his shoes.
patriots OF America" he began in
voice full of red-core watermelon, let
us presume for a mint dat we am
standin' in de shadder of de mighty
pyramids of Egypt, an dat de time am
10000 years ago. Across de sandy des-
ert stretchin' away fur hundreds Of
miles we kin see de fgger Of female
woman approachin Cheers for des-
erts and woman) She hasn't got many
clothes on. Her face am muilled up,
an she walks with a limp. In one
hand she holds bowl Of clam broth
an in de odder a black-snake whip.
wild cheers for clam broth) Oar am
tears in her eyes an her chin wobbles.
She draws higher. She approaches,
De higher she Gums de mo- she limps
an de faster her tears fall. Bimeby
she walks right up to us, an wild one
| hand she holds out de clam broth and
wild de odder de whip, an she kneels
on de ground an humbly beseeches
dat broth an den gin her a lickin'.
Ontense excitement and scattering
cheers for lord and master and lick
ingsD He drinks up dat broth wild a
yum, yum, yum, an den he frows
down the bowl an larrups her wild
dat black-snake till she cant holler.
(Whoops for yum, yum, yum, and lar
rup.) OATS de woman of de past"
The speaker had made a good start
and a pleasant impression, and even
Brother Gardner appeared to forget for
the moment that he might have to
lend him 50 and board him a couple of
weeks for nothing.
"Ten thousand vars ago." continued
the speaker, after feeling of his sus-
penders and finding them all o. K,
woman was a slave--a thing-her
name was mud. She could be stepped
on an walked on an flung outer de
winder, same as a yaller dawg. Cries
of indignation mingled with shouts for
yaller dogs.) If she smiled her hus-
band hit her wild cabbage head If
she wept he throwed her ODER de fence
among de blackberry bushes. One day
the worm turned. Dat pale-faced, sad
eyed, wObegOne woman, who was lame
in boat legs an all bumped ODER wild
grief, suddenly braced right up, got as
mad as a wet hen, an de fust thing
her husband knOwed he was knocked
down wild de rollin pin. tremendous
cheers for lame women, worms and
rolling-pin) | cant say what brung
about de change, but it cum an dat
was de beginnin of womanhood-
beginnin' of de eand. De ole man
opened His eyes in surprise, an he
reckoned dere was some mistake about
it, but by de time he had bin clawed
bald-headed an kicked around de truck
patch he made up his mind dat a new
epoch had dawned on de kentry an
dat Lucinda had cum to stay. From
dat time woman began to cum to de
front She sot out to look sweet an
purity, an to know beans when de
bag was united, an if de ole man
looked around fur his blaCk-snake
whip she made jump fur de poker
CHEERS for epochs, Lucinda and the
new order of things. Dat woman
growed an growed, an got mo- sassy
cherry day, an she finally turned into
de woman Of de last century.
MY -frens," said the orator, as he
wiped his heated brow and took a
drink of water woman has gone on
gittin' mo- independent an sassy an
dedicated, till she am what we know
her IN he to-day. She am purity an