New-York tribune., 1896-09-01
THE TALK or THE DAY.

A telegraph operator at Hatfield England was thA
cause OF ludicrous misunderstanding the other
day A son OF the Marquis of Salisbury raises bees.
He sent to the nearest town for queen bee and re-
ceved telegram saying. The queen vii. arrive BY
$40 this afternoon" The operator. supposing 1t to
refer to the Queen Of England. could not keep such
important news to himself and so there was an i'm
mense crowd at the station when the bee arrived
Time for Intervention -Citizen-say. those two
fellows going TO fight in minute. -
Onicer McCobb-Naw. they're not They're only
Don't you believe they are, They are dsputins
about their bicycles" . ~
rs thot so? I viii! stop thin at wance"-dn'
dianapolis Journal.
Can it be that Mr. Bryan was ironically called
the Boy Orator of the Platte because he isn't like
the Platte? 1t is that that river is shallow;
but 1t generally dries up in summer.
Accommoda ating--"TIow much is this calico Z
yard?" inquired a feminine shopper OF tired clerk
Thirteen cents yard, ma am" he answered
'.Thirteen is an unlucky number
"Yesm. that's so. I'll make 1t fourteen and cau
1t even."-(Detroit Free Press
Senator Tillman evidently has an unsuspected
vein OF latent humor His challenge 10 General
Harrison is that Of an assuming and arrogant
demagogue to one of the most capable statesman
and well-read constitutional lawyers this country
has ever produced. 1t is either madness or COM
edy, and charity suggests the latter view.
Morality in Colors.-"You talk about Deacon
Bonesets virtues. Why. they tell me that the last
time he went to New-Yo'x he painted the town
Red, eh? VIII that should be cardinal virtue.
shouldn't t?"- cleveland Plain Dealer
''The pension roIls" says an Indiana man. "are .
great help to our state in the present dull season.
There are over 1899 pensioners on the roll OF tne
indianapolis agency alone At this quarterly payment
$2 500 900 will be disbursed in Indiana all OF wnicn
Immediately goes into circulation. and is great as
sistance 10 the revival of business in the state
Not a fessional.-"I trust your husband Is
Christian Mrs. 3james" observed the pastor, VINO
was making call. ,.
We'll. yes" returned Mrs, Ba%es SOL somewhat W.,
hesitatngly. Hes very amateurish as yeI pu'
have hopes Of him.'-(Chicago Tribune
Judge Joht. O. Smith. of Savannah. Ca. has been
so annoyed by cyclists who persist in using private
path on lands that he has strewn broken glass on
portion of 1t, and publicly advertised the fact
Charles H. Hoyt once journeyed to San Francisco
with Of his own companies Most G ms rs have
a look at the Rocky Mountain scenery hoyt fc.
maned in his stateroom. one of the young %o%fn
in her enthusiasm over the prospect ran eAci'e'"
to his door and thumped on It with vgor'
What's the row. came from within. ,.,-
Come out, Mr.. Hoyt. come out and see inc P''
II don't 10 see it," replied .dHS nUy aca T~ 81 Pa Z
That's enough Tor me"-Cleveland Flan-Deaer'
InOmaS IS.
building a home for the aged in Norfok' a"
found that there were not worthy persons 'n Inc
city willing to enter IT,
man whose circumstances OF raveins a,.nS lady iady
who was unusually friendly for stranssss, vsry
he leaving the car: i tnahA You you vouid not
pleasant chat; but l am AFRAID you am 4
have been so kind to me had you known
You haven't any advantage OF me-" .s3scayced
| RESPONDED the young lady, Il am al
| lunatic. ."-(San Francisco Argonaut'
II isn't often that an "office goes begging o.'
such seems to be the case with regard to inc -
ton of military attache to the United states l
! ton at London. One would hardly suppo' -.
attractive detail, and one at so impor'a"'
ton as London, would be refused py any -, -
officer. but the post has been offered ~ ~'a.on
officers and each has declined. The smp' -
given by these officers for declining Is 'na' ~" -
nenses connected with it are beyond the amoun' ~
pay they receive unless they xecure iooe'.e a.
some obscure quarter OF the city. No.n'"S
! allowed to such detail beyond the usua, .nI
| and Communication OF quarters hxed io' 60.
service. The only remedy would be an ac' y. ~.
gress approprIating fund for real cont'ns'''
penses
Ibid you get restedy Fogg asked o. vs senpdid aid"
on the lst,srs return from inta Liverpool Friday
morning. reached London IN the sswitseriand the
Paris morning, lelt loi hcurs. the0
Jay after that: stopped there for two ns:noon:
started for Berlin and did 4 u? IN ,he steamer
back 10 England next day and caught 'us liz new
lust In time Rested? BY jove. feei INV
man."-(Boston Transcript.
cadxooks-Wbat do you think OF Fuzsyheaos
poem? He says he constructed the metre 80 -
resemble the gallopng OF a horse =. .ou.0.
Zounds-well. he got badly left. tnen' io' '
like the braying Of an ass
Willie Mamma, Is the eartn round '""'
Mamma-Yes Willie. -,
Willie-And turns on It's axis
Mamma Yes my son;
Willis-Must turn mighty easy
Mamp,a-It never stops
Willie-Mammay ,,,,,,.,
Mamma-whst is It, Wine Willie a. .a.ily.
Wiliie-I know why II turns 30 e"s"''
| Mamma-Why, son? ... -. n = hau hoay>
Willie-Because the eartn 49,
jng.-(Washingson Times