Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-11-29

of Way.
Woman is a noble Institution, without
which there could be no pies or darned
socks Wen she merits the adJectNs
gentle" for who so tenderly as she can
admir- ster a mustard plaster or heat
brick when chii's and fever catch Us!
But this gentleness is not for everybody
A. is exclusively for MS Of the superior
sex. with her own sisters she has not
40 much Of charity TO spare. on the con
trary, these women are always picking
nj each other. aud looking daggers and
making dead cold thrusts. NO Two Oh
Them ever harmonized. Who is II 'ha'
tells us men that Miss So-and-So. the
belle OF the recent german, has Dlondinea
hair? The answer echoes; Gentle Wo-
man" Whence DO we get the Information
that Mrs. Thing-um-bob, the attractive
married LADY. who has lately been ex-
citing cur praise Is deceitful and dis
opcdient 20 her husband? From the afore-
said gentle woman" How DO We man
ago 10 know that Sallle Ann BrooNs is o.
whereas sho represents hers d. ~ ga
'tNrontIe
she tells us every blessed bit OF mean
ress about the other members Oh her
tex. uutn We almost lose faith In them
ali and wish they weren't necessary u
our existence. But II they are bad aOouI
making the little remarks above aiuueu
10. what shall J. their constant Irlehu,
say concerning their comments on 1hc'i
engaged sisters about 20 be maItieu. -
come In yourself newsmonger ana say
Mary Backbiter and T. store Clerk are
going TO he married." Whereupon your
svuppathetlc auditor eXclaims: Ihahk
Heaven. that girl has caught beau at
last" l have heard hundreds OF theh
make the same exclamation on sucA oc-
caslons. and on how they DO emphasi%e
those words. AT last You Would
trnsg5ns from the tone that tho maiden
concentrating matrimony had spent her
whole iife, morning, noon, and msnI
in search Of q man. In fact, you almost
pity the rellow who IS going TO get her.
You imagine he has drawn some fossilizeu
chrome, who reached out after the LlIie
kind like a giant cUttlefsh with us aWIu
fentaoles Perhaps You see the girl VINO
IS 10 be married. You are amazed 10 Hhu
out how pretty she is You recollect no"
The club chappies admired her and then
y.u recall the awful words: THANK
Heaven. that girl has caught beau AT
lastr You wonder at the-shall / call II
rroneous-,nformation you received ABOUT
her, and you are puzzled. Be not 50.
You merely received gentle Woml IN 5
description OF her sister. You must make
allowance for liberal feminine discounts
These women hate each other
When a man gets q woman TO promise
20 snare his nothing with him, he feels
for the time being, that hos the most I'M
portant fellow on earth, but he soon gets
over that sensation. Later on, when cir
cumStances alter las opinion anu ms
trousers get cut out NJ the bottom, ne
sinks way below par IA his own estima0
ton. and well he may. He has reason 10.
in the first place, his shrnkage begins 10
occur when the wedding preparations are
made. The engagement doesn't nave 10
be ennOunced--yOur neiShbors 90 that ioi
vo,l--but when Il leaks out the discouutinS
process forthwith begins. Then, from Full
ton 10 Sheep Iiill, a whisper IS bruited
that Susannah links is 20 be married.
Nobody whispers that you, Erastus Digs,
ara 10 be married It's the woman en-
tirsly. You don't count for anything. on
arc mersly the instrument whereby the
end Is 10 b4 accomplished, as are the mar
rage ncense. the ported palms ana the
borrowed plano-lamps. You have 10 be on
hand that DAY, for though you con I
amount 10 a pinch OF snuff, you are an
ESSENTIAL part Of the machinery. And when
the preacher does the linking act, you
needn't bother because your new cutaWay
(Which has got TO last you four years. is
inches too short Nobody viii notice that
The crowd will be looking at the bride
not at the matrimonial apparatus, OF
which you are q part Pending the pre-
paratlons for the marriage female friends
from grandmothers down TO the kinder
garten class, will drop IN 10 see the trous-
eeau (the girls wedding clothes-not
yours. YOU insignificant nothing, and you
will hear detailed descriptions thereof
Yor will hear these detailed descriptions
one thousard tines-possioly two thou
sand tsrnes-but nobody viii disturb you
while you are listening. for though you
are IN tho room, nobody VIII know that
such creature as you exists Perhaps
your heart will yearn % show your now
cutawsy 20 some sympatheuc lrlend
Don't let II yearn. Nobody cares 70 see It,.
Your own mother wouldn't recognize you
IN the excitement You must he meek
meek then and forever more. Everybody
forgets. all about you--no, not everybody;
but certainly everybody except the people
with tho bills Obi how delicious II 10
OF last 20 feel quart OF rice triclding
down your back and to know it's all over
that at lest ycrs are your wife's husband
the man Susannah Jinlss married.
man IS the most Insignificant feature
OF hlg own wedding as any veteran will
tell you, but out on the streets and IN
the busy marts he at least receives some
recognition OF his matrimonial aspira-
tons Just before The event the old-time
chapp,es OF the club. from whom he Is
shut off by feminine edict, rush TO greet
him and expre y what / fam would not
Designate as their sympathy. The salu-
tatton Of each and every one has touch
of pity In IT, They hailsyou gently and
approach the subject gingerly, just as one
would discuss a hanging with the man
70 DO hung. you've got just two days
more. old fellow" they say, and then
they add: "Be brave don't let your nerve
forsake you" All Of which really causeth
ones nerve to dwindle away TO nothing,
FAR more than does the building Of a
scarfold intimidatei the condemned muir
derer. By the time you revive your