The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-11-24
ACANDID CAUSERIE.


of social intercourse shall have been cast
aside and the truth and nothing but the
truth candidly and unabashedly spoken
Scene: In the drawingroom of the visited
The visitor-"How do you do? I
don't N the least care how you are,
but I suppose I must make use Of the
customary shibboleth.
The Visitei-'I am sorry indeed to
see you. It would be perfect mockery
to hope you are well. for in my life
never saw any one look quite SO seedy
as, you do at this moment. Your COM
piexion is the color of a mango, while
the lines round your eyes put me il
mind OF Chaplain junction. And 50
absurdly overdressedi Where did you
buy that polXchromatic edtice that
crowns your latest wig? Blue, green,
pink, orange-and with that skini You
look Ike a practical joke
The Visitor.-"I really had hoped to-
day to find you not at home other
wise 1 should never have been SO
foolish as to call. 1 thought you al
ways went 10 the Saturday Pops.
What could have induced you to re-
main indoors? But it's just like my
luck
The Visited.-'I have a slight cold,
so sent my stall TO Lady Hauterive. 1
am perfectly aware you are dying to
know her, but can't, and that is why
1 mention her name
The Visitor.-"How provoking. And
here. suppose, 1 must stick for the
next quarter of an hour.
The Visited.-"Had l anticipated the
infection of a visit from you | should
have made point of going out"
The Visitor.-''I never come into your
drawing-room without being impressed
by a sense of your pitiable ignorance
and want of taste. You have coltrived
to crowd together in this tiny room
such a quantity of pacotille of every
description that ! always fancy / m
sitting in the midst of a rummage sale.
You haven't got one really good piece
of china in your whole collection. Your
antique furniture is all modern and the
only lot that looks genuinely old is
yourself"
The Visited.-"I know that you con-
slider yourself an authority on bric-a-
brac, and you have certainly converted
your house into a veritable museum of
curiosities.. That, of course, is easy
enough when you can afford to bid for
your things at Christie's. I can't. My
husband is not a rich Spectator. like
y
Office, so / am obliged to pick up my
odds and ends cheap, and 1 dare say
l am very often taken in. After ~
1 don't see how it benefits you to
possess all the artistic treasures you
do. when you can't get the right peo-
pie to come and admire them.'
The Visitor.-"You always try to
make me feel uncomfortable with your
soi-disant airs of social superiority,
60 7
I'm in for it,
The Visited-"Why you ever come to
see me 1 cannot imagine, considering
that l so seldom go near you"
The Visttor--"I am thinking of writ
ing and asking you to dinner. You
would be sure TO make yourself dis
agreeable, but ! should get a sort of
reflected fashion from your presence
and your name sounds we'll. / suppose
me six times running"
The Visited-''And shall do so again.
I dined with you Once-that was quite
sufficient. I don't mind coming to
your concerts, for there 1 can hear the
best singers for nothing and am not
obliged to speak to any one"
The visitor-"But I've lately moved
into one of the largest houses in one
of the best squares; I've powdered my
footmen, and my chef is first-rate"
The Visited-yWhich is more than
your friends are. l positively decline
to meet them. What's the good of
chef to you? Nobody worth knowing
ever dimes with you; your sauces, I
consider, are absolutely Thrown away.
It's not your fault, | must admit. You
have tried to cook yourself into soci-
ETY. and signally failed. You're not
quite rich enougih-it wants thousands
a year to do it nowadays"
The Visitor-''Your imperrinence is
really impayable- Il speak French per-
fectly, while you hardly know one
word; that is why l inferlard my con-
versation with it in order to prove my
educational advantages over yours.
How truly unfortunate 1 was 20 find
you at home. l merely wanted to poke
in a card in order to show my new
coachman-who lived with the Fata-
gonian minister-that my visiting list
is not exclusively confined to stock
brokers and artists
The Vis.ced-"S Shall l give you an
other cup of tea?'
The Visitor-"On no account; l
never tasted such nasty wash in my
life. 1t has made me feel perfectly i'll.
Cheap, L suppOse?"
The Visited-'Very, but quite good
enough for visitors Ike you. When 1
am alone, or with one or two intimate
friends, 1 drink a much better tea. [
shall have some of 1t made directly |
get rid of you
The Visitor-Now, what on earth am
1 to say to you next? The only topic
we have in common is music but. mu-
steal people are proverb.ally lacking in
general interest and intelligence, and
you are no exception. Therefore, l
cannot discuss With you science, liter
ature cr art--all of which subjects ]
have at my fingers end, for l am a
well-read and well-informed woman.
find it helps me ON wonderfully. 'Peo-
pie again are taboo, for you won't
know my friends and l don't know
yours, although L would willingly give
you one of my diamond stars if you
would only invite me to some of your
smart parties and give me chance of
meeting what you call the right set
You have never even shown me to your
husband, so l can't ask for him.
The Visited-'I wonder how much
longer you are going to sit here and
bore me to death I can perfectly well
see that you are at your wits end for
some subject to discourse on, but 1 am
not going to help you by suggesting
anything, as | have no desire to
lengthen your visitation. How strange,
| always understood you to be clever
woman, although such an outsider-I
have noticed that outsiders usually
are clever: and yet you are apparently
struck dumb without a single idea left
in your head. hope Maggie Hauterive
won't come in and find you here The
concert must be nearly over. How can
L prevail upon you to move? l never
saw such pertinacity as you possess
oil ac;,, 70