The Penn's Grove record., 1896-04-24


1t Is a contrast too intense
To strike his intellect as funny;
At first he paid her compliments,
And now ne pays her alimony.
Judge.
He-'T would kiss you If 1 thought no
sne would see me-" She-"Shall /
.lose my e~yes?'-Woonsocket Reporter.
Clara-"Mr. Nicefello said my face
was classic. What is classic?" Dora
~Oh, most anything ~old."-Good News.
"Have those people in the other fiGt
been married longP' 81 think not; he
takes maps on her best silk pillows
Chicago Record.
scientists say now that handshak-
ing conveys disease" "of course;
that's the way the grip got started."-
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Miss Flora lin a pair Of ~stupendous
sleevss)-"How do l look, NedY" Ned
(rapturously)-"You're simply unap.
Observation-Disclosures Transcript.
| Iher6 comes u BHuUeSS en- Will bpiinA
When gentle zephyrs blow,
Fer though the violet twill bring.
The buckwheat cake must go
Washington Star
Dashaway-"I have an idea that Mrs.
Hightoner has asked me to dinner in
! order to fill up" Cleverton-'"Thats
what we are all going for, old man.
life.
eyes," said the cornfed philosopher,
} ut is not so difficult to get something
for nothing, but when n gets it 1t Is
not worth the price.s-Indianapolis
Journal.
The Sherif-"You say that fellow
who broke jail left a message behindT'
The Keeper-'Yes, sir; here 1t is on
this paper-'Excuse the liberty / takeF"
Truth.
"'Tis hard to be poor" san the poet
As his mantle about him he furled;
So he sang, but well did he know It
Is the easiest thing IN the world.
~Life.
"I'm sorry 1 stole the preserves, ma"
"Ah, your conscience is troubling you,
is it?" "I don't know exactly. Where
Is my conscience. ma r"-YonkeD
Statesman.
Gen. Pompuss-"T am to speak at a
banquet tonight and I want you
to write my speech for me-" Scribe
what do you take me fore gasft
terT"-Truth.
~ shore does hope" said Uncle Nose,
"dat dey will git dis heah new photo
| graph trick so fine by summer dat man
kin tell wedder melon is ripe."--Indian'
apolis Journal
The Married One-"Can you imagine
anything worse than marriage with
! out lover" The Unmarried one-"Yes,
I think I can. Love without marriage.
| for fnstance."-Life.
| The air bears hints of s~pringtide JOY,
The sun asserts itself once more;
| The torpid-footed message boy
At last has learned to shut the door
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Fannie-I have told you again and
again not to speak when older persons
) were talking, but walt until they stop
1--WE tried that already, mamma. They
| never stop."-Woonsocket Reporter.
Did you go into society in Philadel
phta?" Eyes" And how did they kill
| time there?'' ''They don't kill It. They
| just sit down and wait for it to die .
| natural Observation-Disclosures Star.
Grace-I must refuse him, poor fei
TOW, but I wish i could do something
to lessen the pain Of 1t. Maud-Gei
some one to tell him that you haven't
as much money as he thinks you have
Brooklyn Life.
Julia-Louise showed me those beau
| tiful landscapes. She says she had
no trouble at all painting them. Mabel
NO. All she had to do was TO sign
her name after her teacher finished
| them.-Brooklyn Life.
| Sprinkle ashes on the pavement,
Keep the quinine bottle near,
| Wear your ulster and your rubbers,
For the gentle spring is here.
Philadelphia Record.
Fuddy hesitating to put his umbrel'
IA In the rack)-Isn't there danger OF
| somebody taking the wrong umbrella
by mistake? Duddy-Wrong umbrellas
| are never taken by mistake.-3ostU
| Transcript.
1--WE have some very fine Roentgen
| paintings" said the salesman. "Roent'
| gen paintings2' exclaimed the custom
| er. 81 didn't know there was anything
| by that name in the line of art" "Well
| we used TO call them interior views o.
scenes."-Chicago Evening Post
at do not see" she said, with great
| severity, ',how it would be possible to
| add to the unsightliness Of boomers"
| And the little wheelwoman c~ontented
herself with innocently remarkingl
"Perhaps you are prejudiced. Did you
ever try them on?'-Washington Star.
Brown-Just had a talk with Thump-
mann, the pianist. He says that in the
| early aart of his career the critics as
sailed him without mercy. Robinson
| Must have been discouraging. Brown
n was. At one time he was on the
boint of having his hair cut.-Brook
Ign Life.
She held a daisy in her hand
And plucked Its petals one by one;
| As fair a picture was she then
As e'er was shone on by the sun.
The rude young man, who, unawares,
Approached her nearly had a fit,
TO hear her r~oseleaf lips enun-
Ciate-"He loves me-loyes me nitr
Indianapolis News.
Uncle Mose-'Dat dorg is ma best
friend. an | wouldn't sell UNI TO moth
l M arm -tun al A3tu