The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-03-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The Eastern QueStIon-How much
will the Sultan have left when they get
through with him?--Puck.
When we come close to a giant, he
often turns out TO be only common
man on stills. Rams Horn.
Hope is believing that some stranger
will saw your wood while you sit in
the shade. .-Atchison Globe.
"Didn't you tell me that Miss Design
was an artist?" ooh, no; told you
she painted. Detroit Free Press.
Jaspar--''V ''Vokes has no relatives. "
Jumpup-"Then what splendid
chance he has to make friends. -
Truth.
Shopping those beauti-
fulP" Exquisite-"Whnt are they,
buttons or desert platesP-Chicago
Record.
(Which do you prefer, fact or fic-
tion?" 'Oh, the former by all means.
Fiction nowadays is much too matter
of fact Judge.
"That new haby of Youngfather's is
a remarkably wide-awake child" $50
I've heard. We live next door to it. "
Detroit Free Press.
DR.. Glade-"Do you know anybody
who has horse for sale?" Drover--
'I reckon Hank Bitters has; 1 sold
him one yesterday. Truth.
"Hobbs, your little boy is getting
horribly rough" eyes; l must stop
his going around with his mother on
bargain days. Chicago Record.
Mr.. X (who has bow legs, to the pho
tographer)-"For mercy's sake hurry
up. can't hold my knees together
any longer. ."-Fliegende Blaetter.
He (signifcantly)-"I am my
fathers only child, you know, Miss
Blood" She--"Well, you can't blame
him, Mr.. Sappy. ."-Brooklyn Life.
He --"Tm afraid the coming woman
will swear" She-"Oh, no; she in
tends to run things so well there won't
be anything to swear at. Chicago
Record.
Murphy-'Finnegau, yez owe me
So" FInnegan--"Oi know it, but
Dim goin' to kape it as security for
the fifty cents yez borrowed from me
year ago. Truth.
The Professor '(awakening)-"Is
there anybody in this room?" The
Burglar-"No SIR" The Professor
"Oh, 1 thought there was." Falls
asleep again) Life.
Miss Elderly-'T am sorry to say
no. I should think you could read
my refusal in my face" The Rejected
II am not very expert at reading
between the lines .-Tlt-Bits.
Awell known politician remarked the
other day that the Imperial Institute
was n white elephant, and that the
County Council must decline to take
it under their wing. Household
Words.
"No," said Mr.. Wheeler, "I have
my doubts about the bicycle being
able to displace the horse. The time
tried it the horse and buggy came
out of the collision without scratch. !"
Indianapolis Journal.
She-"Why do you start SOP" He
-"Did 1 understand you to say that
your father is iailing?" She-"Phys si-
cally, mean" He (settling back -
"Oh, all right. l was afraid it was
something serious" Pick -Me'Ur.
First Young Lawyer-'T don't see
how you happened to lose you case.
! The law wss plainly on your side. ="
/ Second Young Lawyer er-"Yes, l knew
| it was, and that was what | depended
on. But forgot all about the jury"
Somerville Journal.
"That was very fine speech you
made the other night, said one Pitts
burger TO another. 81 didn't make it
the other night" replied the latter.
81 delivered it the other night, but it
took me month to make it. Pitts.
burg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Lady IA widow)-"Do you know my
daughter is quite smitten with you,
Herr Muller?" Gentleman (feellng
hattered) -"Roally now?" Lady
"a fact; she was only saying TO. day
Il should like that gentleman for my
papa. -Deutscher Soldatenhort.
why did You break of your en-
gagemont with Miss Bertha?" "Be-
cause her parrot was always saying
stop that, George. ''But what
difference did that make? Your en-
gagement was not secret ''But
my name is not George. "-Fliegends
Blaetter.
Simmons--"What is the matter with
you? You look as if some one had
made you angry" Timmors-"S "Some
one has. l asked the editor of the
Buglo what he really thought of my
poetry, and he told me that if there
were such a place as the laureateship
in this country | would be sure to get
it. t."-ludianapols journal.