Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-06-18
CAUGHT ON THE FLY

As the 1.-THE fingers of the assassin
closed about his throat, the manacled
hero felt his brain turn sick. He strug-
gleG vainly for breath. TO die at the
hands OF a common stranger. 1t was
horrible!
He felt his senses fast leaving him.
He thought of his home-of loved one
whose heart would break when the news
reached her.
A lump came into his throat.
The stranger felt it swelling beneath
his CLUTCH and redoubled his efforts. In
vain. The lump grew larger.
With yell of baffied rage and fury he
sprang to bis feet and fed. The hero
was saved.-New York Press.
a well known story of Bishop Phillips
Brooks represents him as saying diplo-
matically, but without any untruth,
when a very homely baby was presented
tor his admiration. Well that is a
baby And the parents were delighted.
Hardly so well timed was the remark
OF another bishop to the proud mother of
2-year-old The child was not pres,
ent. but the mother was telling how re-
Can he walk" asked the bishop.
Walk" exclaimed the mother. why.
he has been walking six months.'
Dear me! dear metz said the bishop,
abSently, What long way he must
nave got.'-Youth's Companion.
An old gentleman before getting into
an express at Euston tipped the guard
and said:
Il wish you would make sure of catch
ing the :45 at Crewe."
The guard went to the engine driver.
who had been a with of the tipping
business, and said:
Here, Billy. this gentleman wants to
catch the 11:45 at Crewe.'
They arrived at Crewe just in time
to see the II 40 leaving the station.
The old gentleman went in a rage to
the driver and shouted:
Weren't you told to catch the 11:45?'
The impressive driver, with a solemn
Wink. replied:
Yes, sir; but you creased the wrong
end of the train.''
Our cid friend will tip the driver the
next time he wants to travel unusually
fast.-London Tid-Bits.
Bobby cat the breakfast tabie)-"Maud,
did Mr.. Jones take any of the umbrel
las or hats from the hall last night?'
!, Ma1dE.Why' of course not. Why
Robby-."rhat's Just what I'd like to
know. l thought he did, because l
heard him say, when he was going out,
I'm going to steal just one. and
Why. what's the matter Maud? %
Montreal Herald.
The latest bicycle story relates to the
pretty daughter of a distinguished MEM
Der of Congress. The young woman was
anxious to learn to ride the wheel. Her
A young man much interested in her and
a frequent visitor at the house objected.
She lightly put aside all the objections
urged and announced that she must have
a wheel and that she intended ITO join
Il club. Finally, the mother conferred
with the young man. He had, as she
thought a very effective gift of ridicule.
She appealed to him to use that. She
felt confident that if he would exert him
self in that way the young woman could
be brought around.
The young man was greatly fattered,
and agreed to try what ridicule could be
made to do. On his next visit he went
at the subject in the mothers presence
with his sharpest weapons. He de-
scribed the fat woman on a bicycle and
the lean woman on a bicycle; touched up
all sorts and conditions of falls; referred
to the ''hicycle face and the bicycle
shoulder in fact, ran the whole gamut
of bicycle jokes
The mother was greatly amused. She
affected to stop him at times. He must
remember, she told him, that her daugh-
ter was thinking of learning to ride.
But the thing was overdone. The
daughter saw through the trick soon
after the rdicule began. She kept her
peace, but with gradually rising color.
The young man closed by saying that for
his part, while he had been tempted to
try the bicycle, he had decided TO wait
for the flying machine
Il don't think you need wait for the
flying machine" observed the young
woman.
mop inquired the young man.
''No, indeed. You are goose enough to
fly without a machine
The story ends with the foiling Of the
villains and the reward of wit. When
the father heard of the trick and the re-
tort, he withdrew his objection, bought
the young woman a wheel, and now she
belongs to a club and is a hard rider
New York Tribune.
-:O:-
"Once upon a time" said ex-Con-
gresham Peel of Arkansas at the Metro
politan, 81 heard Mr.. Lanham of Texas,
He,