Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-09-28
JtST FOR FUN.


me.
Smithers-I wish some one would
teach me to save money. Miss Hope
oh, Mr.. Smithers, this is SO sud
den-
Lawyers and doctors get paid for
their advice. Other people give 1T
away with a generosity that is sub
lime.
Did you find any demand for real
estate in Chicago? Yes, very great
demand. Every man met wanted
the earth.
Farnsworth-Do you believe in the
transmigration Of souls? Eddy-Yes.
I am convinced that my wife was
formerly a wild cat.
Aunt Matilda-Why do you look so
utterly wretched, Jimmy? Jimmy
Pm on good behavior, ma'am, when
we has company.
He-I can't get my wife to use
telephone. She-That's strange! I
thought your wife liked to have a
voice in everything.
The Captain-That's a handsome
woman! Is she unmarried? The
Belle-Oh, yes! Captain INDUCES in
pleasing refections) She's been un
married several times!
Jones-Don't you think the taxes
on personal property should be aboi-
ished? Smith-Why? What is the
need of abolishing taxes that you can
swear off?
Tatters-Say, boss, hain't you got
nickel for poor, blind fellar? You're
not blind, sonny. Tatters-No, boss,
but me brudder is, and he's just gone
round the corner to see man.
Dick-But how do you know he is
sign painter? Harry-Because he
wrote sentence in which there were
six apostrophes, and he got every
single one of them in the wrong posi-
ton.
ask you for bread, he Kissed, and
you give me a stone. Darling, she
protested. She tried to shift the
blame to the newspaper recipe she
had followed, but he would not be
placated.
He-Let's kiss and make up. She
Are you sure you mean it? He
Never in such deadly earnest in my
life-confound it, here's your mother.
She-But you know mothers awfully
short sighted.
I see the Prince of Wales has join
ed the Salvation Army. Indeed! I
didn't suppose he had the evangeliz-
ing instinct. You don't know him.
He has taught all the millionaires of
Europe to put not their trust in
princes.
Not Professional. 7 trust your
husband is a Christian, Mrs. Bjames,
observed the pastor, who was making
a CALL Well, yes, returned Mrs.
Bjames, somewhat hesitatingly. He's
very amateurish as yet, but I have
hopes of him.
Pm sorry, miss, said the leading di
rector Of the school in Milkweed
township to the young woman who
had applied for the position of teach
er, but your photography amt up to
grade. You don't even seem to know
how to spell chimbly.
Guest-See here! The rates charg
ed in this bill are very much higher
than I agreed to pay. Proprietor
I e,f1
But the weather has been very much
finer than either of us anticipated
when that arrangement was made.
Husband-These trousers that I
want to wear at the fishing party
have not single brace button on.
Wife (sweetly )-Then, John, if your
party is drowned I shall be able to
identify your body from the others.
Husband (savagely)-No, you won't;
the others are all married men, too.
Sweet Girl Gin a rowboat)-Whati is
this place in the back of the boat for?
Nice Young Man-That is to put an
oar in when you want to scull the
boat. Rowing requires both oars, one
on each SIDE, out III Sculllng only one
is used. That is placed at the back
and worked with one hand Sweet Girl
(after meditation Il wish you would
try sculling awhile.
Judkins-I have learned through
your agent that you have bought the
properties on either side Of your resi-
dence and got them dirt cheap. How
do you manage it? Foxley Easily
enough. My wife is an elocutionist,
my daughter plays the piano. George