The morning times., 1896-11-01

Guing just as they are depicted in the
landscape below. They Were arguing with
their jaws for few moments before they
resorted to the argumentuIn ad honinem.
What they said, StenographicalIy, was this:
''sce here, You -, how in the
- can fifty-threc cent dollar buy
dollars worth of any ---- old thing, il
You have tins - free and unlimited
coinage Of your - silver"
''Oh, that's the way all you - gold
bugs lie. How-in the - can dollar of
the - constitution be worth fifty
three cents if Billy Bryan is----."
oh, to - with Bryant
Ito - with Hanna etc, etc.
The rest of this argument WIS carried on
en- route 10 the First police precinct.
II is iurid, tut, eliminating the dashes. it
Contains all of the spot-caSb arguT ent
OF the three sides for the past three months
Neither OF the two curbstone politicians
VIII be out on election evening to read
the returns on The Times stcreopticon
diagram OF the days doings.
We might all just as we'll he getting
ready Tor the great reconciliation act OF
next Wednesday morning, but in the mean
while there viii lie no embargo on Footing
mp to the limit till the polls close on
Tuesday. See directions Tor roofing, as
per sketches herewith. 1t i S just possible
that the woman with the corkscrev curls
who has a contract To furnish Mckinley
pie or BRYAN pie for the conbatants is
longing for u return of the good old ante.
election days OF straight prune pie, free
and unlimited, at the ratio OF l to l6.
on behalf Of this good and long suffering
woman We mill our most earnest prayers,
adequately stamped and fortified with
n special delivery besides. 1t is high time
that the local Joneses and Watsons should
stop talking TO and at each other except
by telegraph.
Peaccto the pasti Peacetothe anarchists
and disturbers Of dreams: peace to the
intiigestibic Welsh rarebits of this cam
~paign. Peaecte the monument erected to
her memory on which she has been holding
Ia her breast some very disreputably naked
babies for eleven long. weary years. Peace
tn the Watson letter and hallelujah to the
man who stoleit. Peace 10 the long whisk-
cred and stove pipe criminals of '73 and
sc. Peace tn the war with Spain. Peace
TO Secret.lfy Morton and the one-legged
Confederate hrigadier. Peace to everybody
and everything. j kismet Jones, old boy;
shake!
i. s-Frcn this proposed celebration Of
Hatchet Day we would exclude only one
species of the IN any bugs which have In
fes ed this country since the adjournment
of the three conventions. We refer to the
Observation-Disclosures Americana.
OF all the eXcursionists up Salt River
he only will not return. He will be ground in
themills of the gods and will be buried in the
cave of Machpelah over against the grass
plot OF Ananiis, who, with his wife, was
struck down like one-half of the money
Of ultimate redemption, Sapphira, We
presume, representing the other half.
HatchetDay, itmay he modestly remarked,
Is an entirely original suggestion and
although the Ananias and Sapphira incident
is Scriptural and merely introduced as
q warning TO the electoral vote prophets,
Hatchet Bay will be found referred to
nowherein the AK of heApostlcs. Ouridea
of the proper interment of the hatchet
is that the burial take place somewhere off
the East Capitol steps, admission to be free
on presentation of a certificate that no
attendant has brought along his animosity
either in bis hip pocket Or up his sleeve. /.