The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-05-16
Az ALKALI IkE STORY.
How Homesiekness Was Cured Upon
HomeopathIc PrIncipIes.

Is now forgotten by dcpOnent, and must
forever go unrecounted. of the case OF
Hop Along. who wanted TO go east"
Hoy Along" repeated the tourist. "A
lame man. / presume?'
..Noper' replied the Alkaline citizen.
His maiden name. 50 10 speak was Hop
kins A. Long. but in the course Of hu-
man events part Of IL was rubbed on.
similar to the way pebbles are worn
smooth by rollln' around in the ripples.
an the rest Of 10 sOrter got together again
like a jint snake does after bein' broken
in pieces--an' he became Hop Along."
Jest sot Wal. this we're Hop Along con-
tended with the west for years an not
rattln his horns agin the sides of the
corral none lie has been here in llaw-
vile so long that ne regards himself as
shook down an settled for good, when.
without any warnin', he fms yearn
sproutin' in his buzzOm. as il were. that
whisky won satisfy. You see. he's been
norm back thar in little old tWO-by-four,
hide-bound New England, whur il is all
rocks an nils an seashore an sting
ness, Whur they split pennies 10 make
change, an il hurts their feelin's burcua
they can't collect 10 per cent. interest on
the debt Of nature, an the woods is fun
of prim old maids hangin' on trees like
dried pawpaWs, an"
Il am from New England, if you please"
SAID the tourist, mildly
Then you know how It is yourself"
responded the ingenious Isaac. oval. he
lett Connecticut when he was a cub or
IT VI 0tNn "A matter an ndan never
even thought of goin' back till this we're
homesickness comes upon him. He fights
II, but II Keeps on CROWN like boilin' rice
W nat is bred in the bone is like a man i'm
JAN with the smallpoX-bound to break
out somehOw-an' Hop gifts worse am
worse. He keeps his yearnin' to himself
LOT long spell, sayin nOthin' and mon
IN around like bun calf that had sucked
in thunder.
Inconsistencies is like love. When either
one of EN- gifts a firm clinch on its prey
m If
annyconder; he sees whur ne is dead
wrong an kicks TO the best of his abil-
n.y. but 1t only twists the tighter
same way with Hop Along. He thinks
OF II by day an dreams of It by night
an at last his hankerin' TO 20 east grows
so strong he can taste it, He loses his
appreciation for his daily grub am hun
gers for the burdock greens an clam
choWder an similar heathenish fodder Of
the east. The prairie grass wav!n' i'm
me breeze reminds him a great plenty Of
the ocean, an little raid that the white
caps makes on a superuOus citizen re-
| calls to him gale al sea. He falls com
| pletely out Of step with his Teller men
an don't take no interest in I've topics
at all. He don't even stray around when
new refreshment parlor opens up with
a grand burst of free whisky
Directly he begins to spend most Of
| the daytime bumped up in a chair in the
shade of his wigwam, gain wistfully Off
across the prairie like he was tryin' to
| view the other shore. Bime-by he gives
| out an takes to his bed. He gifts sorter
wrong in his head, too. He hain't what
| you'd call crazy; part of the time he is
| straight enough, an agin' he kinder wan
| ders. OF course, his friends do the square
| thing by him; as soon as we find out
| what the matter is we try to hooraW
| him out of his fad.
Then. seem that we can't bullyrag
| him out of his trouble, we do our best to
/ cheer him up an make him forgit it. We
| gifts up a lynchin' bee for his special en-
| tertainment, maxim use of a gent who
/ was sorter sufferin' for sech attention,
! hp 10Th r,f n bav haaa
| looked, an makes poor Hop, the high
/ duke Of the occasion, transportin' him to
the scene of the festivities in a buggy full
! or pillows. 1t was as pretty a lynchin, as
l ever witnessed but the poor cuss didn't
| pear to take no interest in Ii, but
jest looked sad an sighed.
! " 1t hain't no use. gentlemen, says he,
| after we'd got him back to his lonely
| bachelor home. 1t hain't no use. l APP
preciate your thoughtfuness, but it don't
| touch the spot. This yere yearin, contin-
| ues to rise up in my buzzOm in spite of all
1 can do, like tryin' to put the handspring
in a Waterbury watch.
. Seems like ] can't think of nothin'
else he pipes on in his gray tone of Volce.
1 want to see the hills an rocks an'Whe
/ sand an sea agin l want to smell the
| salt and taste the brine. hope you'll eX-
| cuse me, gentlemen, an won't think I'm
! hintin' at anybody yere, but I'd rather put
| the mouth of a pink-lined shell to my
| ear an listen to the sad an solemn sound
| of the ocean than to hear the voice of
my best friend invitin' me to take a snort
! of ten old ticker. Why sometimes, l have
! taken that old pickle bottle off from the
shelf an held it to my ear an tried to
] fool myself into belieVin that / was lis
TENN into a shell But it hain't no use;
/ my Inconsistencies won't be fooled. Oh,
wish I had a lobster!
1--WE wagged our heads plenty sad an
| sympathetic as we trudged away.
90 No two ways about it, says l to the
! rest of the prominent citizens. That thar
! poor dub is gittin worse and worse, an
| the first thing we know he'll either go
! eastp
" His malady is simply plum foolish
/ ness says Grizzly Johnson, who is a sage.
! But that don't make no difference. He
| wants the east an the ocean like the
/ Texas man wanted his revolver-which
| was like roarin Tophet. l offer the sug-
| gestion that we raid the stores an see if
we can't unearth some of them thar lob
| sters he's pinin' for
"Accordin', we makes search. None of
| the storekeepers pear to know what lob
! ster is, much less possess any, an we
/ are plumb discouraged till the genial pro-
/ prietor of the Rough House restaurant
/ makes a discovery in his memory.
| " LOBSTER says he. L reckon I'm ours
/ ed with can OF that har animal, or was,
/ the last time I noticed l gifts ii a couDle
! of years ago packed by mistake in a case
/ of other canned goods an hahn been able
! to git shet of it since. My patrons hain't
proud, but when they seen the picture on
! the can they all said they wasn't drunk
! enough TO indulge in no sech lookin' var
/ mint, an the last I knowed it was kickin'
/ around somewhurs unopened
! He digs il out, an we examines it,
I don't know so much about thisv saws
F.! l. This yere varmint is mighty weird an
unholy lookin'-pears to be bright red an
/ some fifteen or twenty feet long, accordin'
/ to the surrOundn' landscape in the picture
| What part of the burcussed monster is in
| the can, anyhow?
I haint admirin' its appearance none.
myself says the Hon PUNK Exec I don't
! object TO soakin poor old Hop with whisky
| till he gifts all kinds of snakes, but it shore
| looks like playin' 1t mighty low down on
! him to feed him seech diabollycal lookin'
reptile as this. He calls for lobster, All
right enough, but mebby he's wanderin' in
| his mind an don't know what he is takin'
about. The durn thing looks like it was
! pizOnousp
'Huhr says Grizzly johnson, who. as
I'm. sayin before, is plenty old an wise.
This we're portrait is an exaggyration got
| up to deceive the innycent purchaser; a
! lobster Is about foot long an is simply a
big salt water crawfish, nuthin' more
Upon that we tramps off to Hops shan
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