Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-02-20

maid of Athens, ere we part,
Give me back my silver heart,
II can't" the clever damsel cried,
''My new beau's picture is inside
Chicago Record.
A Clear Conscience.--"Don't some OF
these old songs haunt YOU? mo; I've
never murdered any of them. Chicago
Record.
"Do you know Bilk?" Know the
internal scoundrel! Why, he "Ah,
1 see, you do know him. Chicago
Evening Post.
! Effie-Jack, papa said we must not
see each other any more. Jack-1n-
deed! Shall l turn the gas out?
Harper's Bazaar
Bacon-So your friend is engaged to
| that Boston girl, after all. EgDert-
Yes How did he melt her?' HE
didn't; he simply froze to her."-Yon-
| kerS Statesman.
Will some one tell "a Curious Read
| err why the pictures of horseless car
| riages show that many of these new We
hicles are provided with whip sockets?
Boston Journal
| The poet groaned in deep dismay
Meath comments analytic.
| ''Oh, for some pen," they heard him say,
ITO criticise the critic!'
! Washington Star.
| Il Think said the weather prophet,
thoughtfully, that we are to have a
! little typical Chicago weather. What
kind is that?' ''All kinds at once" re-
| piled the weather prophet-Chicago-
Evening Post.
did you fall?" said a man rushing
| to the rescue of a woman who slipped
| On the icy pavement this morning. ooh,
no." she said. II just sat down to see
| if | could find any foul-leaf clovers' =
| Atchison Globe
katie, why haven't you warmed
my study better? The thermometer
| shows only So Degrees But Pro-
| fessor. for SO small q room it seems
/ to me So degrees are enoughr'-Flie-
| gende Blaetter.
Miss Playne-Is it true that you said
| the mere sight of my face would make
man climb a fence? HargreaveS-
! I-er-meant, Of course, if the man was
| on the other side of the fence.--Cin-
| cinnati Enquirer.
Excuse me, SIR said Barker to q
| boorish traveller, ''but what is your
! business? Il am gentleman. sir.
F, That's my business" All" said Bar
ker. Il see. You are taking vac:a-
| ton. Hampers Bazaar.
what do you mean by saying wrote
| tramp jokes? You know l deal with
nothing but society subjects" Il didn't
say you wrote tramp jokes. l said
| your jokes were on the bun.' Obi
! Indianapolis Journal.
Our butcher was burned out this
morning, john" she said. WAS hep
he asked, disinterestedly. YES" she
| replied, reaching for an evening paper.
Il wonder if he advertises fire sale
| night?'-Chicago Post
John" said the frightened wife in
the middle Of the night, there's some
thing moving down cellar I'm sure
John listening intently): ooh, it's moth
ing but the sas-neter pegging away
he said, with Sigh of rehabilitation
Life
He Finds Out.-"What questions do
the ignoramuses ask you the oftcnest"'
inquired the lounger, putting his feet
up on the table of the to-quer-
les man. THAT one, wearing responds
the information editor-Chicago Trjb-
une.
The Musicians Wife--Have you thor
oughly practiced the Accomplishments
you are TO play for Miss Amatoor to-
night? The Musician-No, but it
doesn't matter, you know. It's Il So
ciety musicale and nobody ever listens.
Boston Courier.
Waiter" said the guest, Pm Il little
! afraid of this milk. Haven't you any
boiled water;'' I'VE can boil you
some. sah, replied the waiter, "but
the milk is all right. We use nothing
but artesian well water here, sah."--
| Chicabo Tribune.
Uncle JOSH amt sure whether ed
dication done me any good or not. Meb-
be I'd q done better if / didn't know
how to read or write. Aunt Samantha
How so? Uncle Josh-Well.
wouldn't read any Hints to Farm
ers Brooklyn Life.
Old Qniverful SO you want to.
take our daughter from lis; you want
TO take her from us suddenly without
a word of warning? Young Goslow-
Not at all, sir. If there is anything
about her you want to warn me
against, I'm willing to listen. Brook
lyn Life.