Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-09-21
JUST FOR FUN.

Silver men who want to "argue"
with us OH the street must carry
chairs; we are tired of arguing stand
ing.
Agent(to party in knickerbockers)
Good morning, sir. May I see the
lady of the house? Party severely
I am she!
Mrs. Sequel understand your
husband can't meet his creditors.
Mrs. Equal don't believe he wants
to, especially.
Henry, why do you smoke continu-
ously from morning until night? It's
the only time I get. I sleep from
night till morning.
Did Mrs. Jones give up her bloom
ers to please her husband? No. Her
pug dog wouldn't come near her when
she had them on.
Your wife seems anxious to be up
to date, Tugby. Up to date! She's
away ahead; she's got a lot of trouble
borrowed for year after next.
Brussels has clock that is wound
up by the wind. There should be
splendid opportunity in Brussels for
some of our American politicians.
Little Boy (who had been chased
out Of the farmyard by turkey)-All
right! just you wait until Christmas
and I'll knock the stuffing out of you.
No, Pm not we'll enough to run a
sewing machine. What do you in
tend doing this afternoon? I believe
I'll take ten mile run on my bicycle.
I think all children should learn
early to say No. Yes, boys should, of
course, but with girls there are times
when they should be prepared to say
Yes
Wife-What a happy looking
couple those two are! I wonder how
long they have been married? Hus
band-Oh, guess they are only en-
gagged.
Watts-T wonder if the water is fit
to drink yet? Potts-Guess it is. An
eel came through the hydrant this
morning and it seemed in good
health.
Husband-Do you know, my dear,
I never get tired of looking at that
photograph of you? Wife-Why
don't you have it framed and hung
up in the club?
Does Candidate Kinx keep his
promises of reform? asked the new
resident. I guess he must keep 'em,
replied the well-known citizen. We
don't see nothin' of 'em.
Rose-Do you see that man who
has just come, Lulu? They say he's
cashier of the Tenth National bank.
Lulu-What! He? I've met him al
ready and he is only its president.
An illiterate swain at the seashore
wrote a letter to his girl in the city.
He addressed her as "Sweatest." He
has since been having bad spell be-
cause he received no answer.
Miss Singer-I wonder if that rich
uncle of mine remembered me when
he made his will? used toi.sing for
him. Mr.. Law-I'm rsure he must
have. He hasn't left you anything.
Holland-I understand Scorcher
and his wife have quarrelled and sep
arated. Davis-Yes. He precipftat-
ed affairs by telling her she couldn't
ride wheel so we'll as his'jmother
did.
Professor Snooks-Madame, I re-
fuse to sleep in that bed again. Land
lady-What's the matter with it?
Professor (stifdy)-You seem to for
get, madame, that am botanist, not
an entomologist.
A special case.-The Doctor-You
must be very careful to take the
medicine, Mrs. Jones' Brown. The
Patient-But [ am always careful to
take my medicine. The Doctor
but this time you really need it.
Mabel, he implored for the twenty
fifth time that evening, I love but
you, will you be mine? Well, George,
since you seem so determined, I sup
pose What time is it? came a
parental voice from aloft. Almost
won, papa, replied Mabel, coyly.
KNIGHTS Of tho NEocoohooC