The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1896-04-22

for their ediication. "But that isn't
gold" pronounced the youthful expert,
after a critical examination. me deah
School Of Mines. and know gold when
see 1t, you know. That is iron" Wilson
didn't say much. He Just leaned over and
took the alleged expert conndingly by the
dent 20 and give 1t away to those fellows
down at the Denver mint, for have been
along"
A SHORT SUPPLY OF INK.
At banquet In Cleveland last week
his quick Characteristic way. He said:
Arriving In Pittsburg the other night on
late train dropped into Newelrs for q
bite to eat. While waiting for my order
audible undertones, The first speaker.
said. Sandow came in last night after the
theater and had some blue points and q
bottle OF Bass, On getting his check he
took out a stylographic pen and wrote
Sandow across the face of the note.
asked. Why did You do that, Mr.. San
dow? Oh replied the strong man, 7
dollar bill l break Then up spoke the
other waiter, who hadn't said q word yet.
DO you know. I used to do that. too; but
!! u II
HIS LAMENTED MAGNITUDE.
Mail pours in on Speaker Reed these
days, and 1t Is of the most varied charac-
ter. Very unique things some Of his let
ters contain.
For instance. says the Washington
Times, the other day he received q letter
check for 81 TO Pay 2; The
reading the communication" OF the dis
position Of the check 1t Is needless to say
anything.
Another admirer wrote to him the other
'You are the greatest man in the United
States, and will be the next President
You have a big brain, and you are rnas
himself.
OUGHT TO BE KNOWN.
An old colored man who wheels rubbish
out Of alleys in n Southside residence dis.
trict. according to the Chicago News, con-
slders himself pretty well known among
he pushes ashes. Yesterday morning one
of the gentlemen who employs the African
walked out in his back yard and spoke
familiarly to the ash wheeler.
"What Is your name?" he asked, In ad-
dressing the colored man.
George Washington" was the reply.
washington - Washington" repeated
the gentleman. 1T seems to me I have
heard that name before"
"Guess you have" rejoined the African.
II have been wheeling ashes out Of these
alleys for bout 10 years.
BUT ONE OF THAT CLASS.
German policemen appreciate this lese.
majesty business about as thoroughly a.
lishman the other day for publicly declar-
ing the emperor was several kinds Of .
blank blanked fool That's all right"
protested John Bull; 1T wasn't your En-
peror. but the emperor Of China, ! vas
the policeman: there's only one emperor
who is what you said!'' And he had tho
Britisher finsd sl.25 for describing the en-
peror in way. that fool. though way
farlng man, might understand.
THE NEAREST Steps.
brake was first made compulsory on our
railroads, says London Answers, great
pains were taken by the foremen Of en--
gine sheds to see that the drivers were
In one of our northern towns a fore
man was examining driver on this sub
ject and. after questioning him for some
time, put the following query to him:
the brake failed and you saw a collision
take?"
The answer, II totally unexpected, was
not devoid Of genuine wit. The driver
looked his questioner up and down. and
then, with o look Of contempt. blurted
out:
1.-THE tender steps, sir; and pretty han
dy, too!' ... -
SOLACE FOR A SCOLDING.
We are told that nothing ages US 50
fast as anger Once an actress got in 9
rage with Perrin, the Paris manager, and
gave him fifteen minutes tongue-lash-
ing.
my dear PERRIN" said Febvre, when.
told Of 1t. what did you do?'
Nothing" replied Perrin. II said moth. :.
ing-and watched her grow old"
When you think Of the Nickel Plate
Road it brings to mind that delicious
meal you had in the Dining Car, and
the fine service and Low Rates. and
YOU wonder why people will travel y,a