Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-10-12
FACTS AND FANCIES.

Reporter like to have q dozen
blue points now"
Editor-"Would you? Well, here's a
lot of lead pencils: | guess you can pick
a dozen from among them. "-RoXbury
Gazette.
"Are these your clothee or mine?"
asked the athletic man of his athletic
wife.
.'Look if the pockets" was the reply
''If you find smelling salts they're mine;
if it's a whisky flask they're yours"
1t is daring thing to attempt what
Austin Dobson and Frederick Locker
have done The following is a specimen
of how near Mr.. Grisson comes to it, in
Beaux and Bellies:
She promised me: "No word of mine
Shall cause your faith in me to dim"
And then above her glass of wine
/ saw her look at him,
A lady who was looking about in a
bric-a-brac shop with a view to purchas-
ing something old, noticed quaint fig
ure, the head and shoulders of which ap-
peared above the counter.
what is that Japanese idol over there
worth p she inquired.
The salesman replied in a subdued
tone: Worth about 10000, madam;
it's the proprietor. "-Tid-Bits
Charles Gounod as his mentors show,
her he said IF have worked any good
by word or deed during my life, owe it
to my mother, and to her l give the
praise She nursed me, she brought me
lp. she formed me-not in her own image,
alas! but the fault of what is lacking lies
with me, and not with her.
SORROW.
IT cometh now, the autumn breeze,
Which such distress doth make;
Without fire you'll surely freeze,
And with one you will bake.
Washington Star.
Briggs "Well old fellow, am hap
by man..
Griggs-.'How 500"
Briggs-'I have just succeeded in bor-
rowing enough to pay every cent owe
in the world. Truth.
Mother Cat partly did you al
low young Saphead to kiss you in the
conservatory
Daughter-"Why, mar
Mother-'Oh, you needn't why, ma,
me. One side of his nose is powdered,
and one side of yours isn't and the reo-
pie have noticed it"
1t is a queer thing that some men can
not consider themselves truly religious
without making other people uncom-
fortable-Truth.
A Perfect -Tommy-s'Paw
can a man be a perfect gentleman and
refuse to pay his debts?' Mr.. Figg-
Not his poker debts. Indianapolis
Journal.
A SQUARE GAME.
Marriage is game of chance,
Nor know who shall win,
But most of us do seldom lose
A chance to sit therein.
Detroit Tribune.
Mr. Henpec (at concert)- That tenor
must be a single man.
Mrs. Henpec (severely)-"Why SO, Mr..
Henpec?"
..Home. Sweet Home,'' with such feel
Washington Times.
Younger Son-''Papa, did you throw
stones at apples when you was boy"
Y Father-"No; but / threw a stone into
a peach tree once; and what do you
think?'
Son-'sYou broke window"
Father-"No; | knocked off a peach,
and on opening it, found the stone.-Il-
Illustrated Bits.
"My friends were right about john
after | married him [ should find him
out. So [ do-out every night. It'd
Bits.
The Prince de Cont was not fastidious
on the subject of the mass. He wished
to have for his almoner the Able Pre-
vost, the author of Manon Lescaut."
'.Monseigneur," said the able to him,
II have never said mass" ''Neyer
mind" says the prince, Il never hear
it.
Acquaintance with TOO many learned
ladies may have led Talleyrand to an
swer, when asked why he had married
such a stupid woman: ''Sir, because l
could not find a stupider."
When Lord Muskerry was dying, the
parson in attendance remarked that life
and it's vanities would soon pass away,
For what should I repentw demanded
the old lord; "why, / don't remember
that during my whole life / ever denied
myself anything"
ANOTHER SPANISH VICTORY.
Once more we'll thank cur lucky fate
And vow that we are in 1t;
The foes retreating at the rate
- S''' Washington Star
He-'Iet's kiss and make it up
Shelf you kissed me, I'd have to
makeup all over again, sure enough"
A Lesson in Diplomacy.-Mrs. WHY
(proudly walking out of the sewing ROOM
We'll, Percy, how do you like my
bloomers?"
Mr. Wyly-"Oh, they do very well:
but, dear me, how much older than usual
they make you look"
On the following day neat package,
intended for the far-away heather, was
forwarded from the WHY'S home.
AS USUAL.
At school one always stood the first,
The other boy had naught to say;
Yet he is worth million COOL
The smart boy clerks for two day.
Philadelphia Ledger.
A stockbroker, having experienced some
severe reverses, which caused his bank
ruptcy, was met some time after by a
friend, who asked him how he was get
ting on.
Pretty WE'LL" said the broker, Il am