The Portland daily press., 1896-09-01
THE CONTRACTING HOTEL ROOM.
How Its Use May Increase the Income Of
the SeashOre BOnifaco.

| Are you goldbugs9 Are you free silver
men? Do you wish to increase your income
at the seashore at the ratio Of 10 to II
| If so, try the contracting hotel room sys-
tenn of the Neptune Novelty company,
after first taking the precaution to rent an
extra large bank vault or to erect crema-
tory for cash. The contracting hotel room
| is the eighth wonder of the world and fills
a long felt want Why do SO many land
lords down by the murmuring sea have
such difficulty in keeping their hostelries
| filled with guests? Echo answers "Be-
cause they are not up to date; because they
are not reaping the benefits of the con-
| tracing room system" They have scores
of the old style rooms about as large as
fair sized pigeonhole or an adult coffin;
rooms so narrow that guest cannot take
full breath without cracking the wall
paper; rooms SO low ceilinged that guest
can lie in, bed and give fair imitation of
the human fly; rooms SO short that a bat
tering ram is the only thing that will open
the door when the folding bed is down
What is the result? A would be guest
comes along with all sorts of money in his
clothes and an intense yearning for tenn
porary home by the sounding sea in his
heart.
I've got just 80 day for hotel room,
he murmurs to the clerk. "What sort of a
run do get for my money!"
The clerk says Front' with his usual
| naughty, impersonal air and instructs one
of the front boys to show the stranger the
| So rooms.
| Dazzled by the arc light effulgence of the
clerks 600 candle power diamond, the
would be guest is led away to be coffined
or pigeonholed at 81 per diem. After walk
ing half mile through halls as co1npli-
Gated and labyrinthine as hypothetical
| question to a poison expert at a murder
trial, the even more naughty and more i'm
personal front boy points to what seems to
| be rather large crack in the hall wall and
says, This style, S2.''
Huh! All get is crawl, a squeeze
and double up for my money, eh?" the
would be guest inquiries, more in sorrow
than in anger.
What do you want fer $2--the Looey
Fourteen bridal chamber and the golden
banket hall?' the front boy mrrnlurs with
Napoleonic scorn.
SO get this entire letter box and have
| you bring me ice water on draft, all for
| ~, do II" the would be guest continues.
THAT'S all right, but how do I get into
| the thing? Does pair of shoe spoons or a
big tin tunnel go with every 81 layout?''
The front boy, Of course, again exercises
| his Napoleonic scorn, and the stranger
| wanders off with his 50 in his inside pocket
He doesn't stop single day. He doesn't
| even buy a sea serpent cocktail. The
pigeonhole room has scared him and his 80
bill away, never more to return.
But what's paltry $2?' we hear some
one murmur. 1t isn't very much, to be
sure. 1t wouldn't buy very many state
delegates this year, for prices are unusual
ly high; but as some great poet has truth
fully observed:
Little silver dollars,
Little bills Of green,
Often keep landlord
From the soup tureen.
What's the matter with packing that 50
away in the safe every night? You can do
it as easily as you can draw up the plans
and specifications of big monthly hotel
bill if you tV TIE Neptune Novelty COM
panys contracting room system.
By the expenditure of few dollars ev-
cry seashore hotel ean be supplied with our
patent electrical, telescope rooms. Hun
dreds of them are already in use and are
giving the very best of satisfaction. If
you wish to test the Innovation and wear
ever larger diamonds than you do now,
drop us hne, and our agent will call and
fully explain the greatest hotel scheme of
the century,
that your hotel has been equipped with our
ready looked up~none % picture, as Ham
let said to his erring mother, and now
oblige us by casting your optics upon an
other of the same price,
The would be guest comes along with
the 90 that rightf1lly belongs to you in his
clothes. He wants the same priced room
he was after before, and he is also filled
with the same lofty purpose to procure
more of run for his money than two cart
wheels will ordinarily buy. Your space is
valuable. Your expenses are high Your
walters perhaps are getting the lions share
OF your guests money. You cannot afford
to give the would be guest larger room
than you could before, but the contracting
hotel room solves the difficulty with neat
ness and dispatch.
He asks to see your 50 rooms. Your
front boy again engineers personally
conducted tour Of the labyrinthine halls
and shows the would be guest large
comfortable, well lighted room as big as q
Harlem fiat. The stranger is surprised,
gratifed, delighted The room is SO long
he thinks he is getting cross country run
for his money. He is even certain that the
front boy has made a mistake and Is
showing him the bridal chamber or part
of the royal suit. Impressed with this
idea, he closes the bargain at once, sur
renders his satchel and is yours for 80. In
short time he gets out his yachting cap
and goes down on the beach.
During his absence the contracting no.
tel room gets In it's insidious boa construct
or work. It fairly humps itself and shuts
up three feet before the unsuspecting
yachting cap gets back
When he Is sleeping that night, the walls
gently and noiselessly continue to move
themselves, as well as all the furniture.
nearer and nearer to the bed In day or
two the guest has been telescoped to q 50
footing, but it has all been done so silently
and SO gradually that he does not notice
the shrinkage. Meantime the space that
was his the first day is being paid for by