Evening star., 1896-02-29
MADE NYE FAMOUS.

MADE NYE FAMOUS.
Called National Alteration to Him.
From the Kansas City Star.
In 1881 Bill Nye was brieness lawyer,
dabbling In country newspaper work at
Laramie. Wyo. The thing which drew him
out of his obscurity and eventually made
him famous humorist with good-sized
fortune was the letter In which he re-
signed his place as United States commits
| sioner. That letter. which was reprinted
everywhere, marked the advent of a now
comic writer and the turn of the tide in
the affairs of Edgar Wilson Nye. Here is
the famous epistle:
10 the Department of Justice, Washing
ton; y: C.: Several months ago I resigned
as United States commissioner of this ju-
dicial district. The government did not ac-
cept my resignation. thus tactly asserting
that there was no one who was considered
competent to take my place in holding up
this corner of the national fabric.
now once more resign. I do not do so
because I am dfspleased with the govern
ment. or because l am displeased with pub
lie life. There is no reason why the gov
ernment and myself should not continue
to be friends. but under the new regime
Tor United States commissioners of district
official capacity which 1 have so long filled
with so much skill and credit, both to my
self and the United States.
The Department of Justice now requires
me to furnish detailed statement each
month Of all the business done by the COM
missioner. with his official certificate at
tached l am also required to keep a large
volume In my office record Of the
United states cases examined by me. am
TO DO this at my own expense, in order that
the honor and high moral tone Of the ma
ton may remain unsmirched.
All these requirements could OF course,
I flo
horrible apprehension that in the future I
shall be required to do more Of this till the
expense will be more than l can meet. 1
could now, of course, get little chores to do
around town. enough for necessary funds
to buy the records, etc, but before another
year the government may require me to
buy marble-top center table, and two or
three paintings by the old masters, in
order to give the popular amount of terror
to the United States criminals. This would
compel me to go without a new overcoat
and underclothes, of which I am sadly in
need. 1 had hoped that with the financial
prosperity Of the past year there would be
one case, at least, for examination, for
which l could realize Sc or S. and which
would ease this branch of the department
OF Justice temporarily. but have been dis
appointed all the way through. I could
squeeze along without the overcoat in
order to get the required record this win
ter. but The underclothes l feel as IL I
ought to have.
might die suddenly while on the bench,
ana 1t would sound harshly If the tele-
graphic dispatch were to state that when
the post mortem was held the jury found
verdict that the United States commits
sloner had died from exposure and a tenn
porary stagnation Of underclothes.
Our winters here are quite severe and
II the Department Of Justice should some
day require me in my official capacity to
nuy an upright piano and keep it on file. 1
would have to clothe myself in my un-
swerving integrity and a pair of gold
bowed eyeglasses.
There is no question about the air of
cheerfulness that piano would give to
my oftice, especially if some lady were to
be tried on some charge or another for
she could bang an overture out of the in
strument while waiting for the United
States attorney to come and ii would AeiD
MIN XIII time, but the court would either
have to lock itself in adjoining closet
TIL the defendant had gone, ask her to
loan him her shawl during the trial.
You will see from these suggestions
whittier we are drifting.
l will now turn the Office over to the de-
partment. 1t consists of pine box, with
some speciments of secondhand chewing
tobacco, preserved in sawdust and bald
headed feather duster. The department
will please send receipt to me for these
archives. as desire TO have everything
done correctly and with the usual amount
| of precision and delay.
Inc United States. in my resigna ton.
sustains loss which it can i'll afford, and
the national superstructure becomes al
| must a lolleiltS wreck. lES popular man
may be raised up for this crisis, but it is
not at all probable
DR.. Tanner would be a good man.
simply throw this out a suggestion.
STILL he would require clothes. I hadn't
thought of that
1t is very seldom that you find a man
with the happy union of qualifications
necessary for this office. You may secure
man who can live on the delightful cli-
mate and what cold food he can secure
among the neighbors. but he is liable to
have an ungovernable appetite for clothes,
while, on the other hand. you may find
man who Is the exact vice versa, or what
ever you may call it, of the other man.
You Will. perhaps. wonder at the delay
of my last monthly report, but it Is easily
explained. The man who promised that he
would come before me in August and ac-
knowledge a deed and pay me two bits for
it, came to me in September and told me
that he didn't make the sale of property
that he had anticipated.
I now resign.
acknowledgement of my past services as it
may fit
Whatever appropriation is made will be
thankfully received and receipted.
l would also receipt my winter pants at
the same time.
I find that 1 can starve to death Just as
successfully in Journalism as 1 can in my
official capacity. and 1 hope that the gov
ernment will not feel hurt over my course.
Handling the amount of money that /
have being a United States commissioner.
has been a terrible strain on me, and re-
sign before it is too late.
I resign while have the manhood still