The Wichita daily eagle., 1896-11-13
QUEER PENSION LIST NAMES
Cncle Sans Curious Colecticn Of vse-
era1e Of Various War;

| QUEER PENSION ltST NAMES
Uncle Sans Curious Couection Of vse-
eraAs Of Various Wark
The Washington governmental bu.
reaus have always possessed the happy
faculty OF turning ont various orders
of freaks and queer ideas, but the latest
production in this line il list of bona
tide pensioners or applicants. whose
Danes, If originality alone were consid.
cred, would leave that of the imaginary
King Geranimoseadolphushi, Of Africa,
away in the background.
The peculiar idea seems to have en-.
tered the heads of three officials Of the
pension bureau at about the same time,
each unaware of the others intention,
and for ten or twelve years they made
entries of peculiarly odd names that
came before them officially. When
ever, in looking over the rolls. a name Of
unusual pronunciation or construction
appeared, it was Immediately jotted
down on q pocket list to be kept for
personal pleasure. But the other day
the three became acquainted with their
mutual curiosity for gathering names,
and consolidated list was the result.
Some OF the names appear 30 ridicu-
lons as to seem impossible for a human
being to be designated by such a con-
glomeration of letters, but their autheu-
ticity is touched for, as they appear
upon tho very rolls Of the United States
pension bureau, and pensions are paid,
or applications are as yet pending with
these freak inscriptions upon them.
As the oddity of the names will be
better illustrated by means Of assem-
bling them into characteristic groups,
the three officials took pains to have
this done. First upon the list comes
Preserved ireland, NJ. j. Yankee, Mex
leo Washington and Alfred CONSTANT
nople- Then follows few in the hard
ware line, such as Minerva Hatchett
John Hammer and George AK.
Peter Beets, James Bean, Susan Csle.
John Garlick, Daniel Mustard arc asso-
cisted In the pension office with John
Meats, John Ham, Thomas Tongue.
". II. Lamb, David Mutton, w. T. Kid
ney, Samuel Heart, William Fish, Sam
usl Crab, william Oy ster and Jacob Her
ring. One Of the most Peculinr-and its
popularity is more pronounced al IL
Il written clearly With hyphen-is
Adam Buzzard, snd along With the
Buzzard comes George r. Swallow.
Thomas Lark, William Fowl Hiram
Fowler and Pleasant Green Swan. The
Raines law 10 supposed to control tho
liquor traffic in New York and nearly
every city has its regulations against
Sunday opening, but hero is a combina-
ton that can do business all the year
round: Isham Vinegar, j. r. Dry, John
SouYbser, James Sourwins. George NJ.
GoodruIn. Benjamin Sherry and ID. d.
Gooda,e. And II they did, probably
some of their customers would be An
drew Laugh, David jolly. Anguish
Smith, Deary Graves, Daniel Death and
Mourning Abby.
David Tadpole. Cochran Eoach, Rob
crt Cats, Prank Com. HEnry Deer, Amos
Eogg and James Fgg might excusably
be English names. but John Shrieking-
goat must be an Indian compound.
Then there come John Poppil, David
Oppil, John Hopple, and number do
ing q lunch room buAine5s, such q
John Gobble, Jacob Meals. Enoch Frit-
tsrs, John Crunb, Charles Drye-ad,
George Goodbread, Thomas Butter
baugh, Irwin Huckleberry, Obiah Goose
berry, John Jelly, Ton Cherry, Adam
Apple and Sandy Dates. There's VIII
liam Eoof and Margaret Floor, but
Sarah Razor and Josiah Door add 70 tbs
list o few names more
The weather bureau at WanhinGtm
tries very hsrd To let the people have tie
hind of climate they wanA but here arc
4 few persons who could 60 into che
weather shop business without govern
mcnt support end corner tho mar1et
within q few days: Eiksna DaUpznan.
L1uise Wetright, Thoaas Rain Winiar1
Hail, Robert Dew, Da~sd Mots., Jephthn
showry. Milton Sloppy. jams Biz
zsrd and Ssacae Showe<r.
The cream OF the list 10 an aggrcgn-
ton Of names that carry v4sh them thc
Impression of very rclg &C hIsiasta,
for instance. Susan Sunday, Christian
yesterday. Philip EAsternighf, Mary J.
Chapel. william Archaencn, Good
Preacher. Robert Priest, Celestial Good,
Hiram Pray. John Blasing. stepb<n
Souls, SnEoel HolJcrox,, PSns1ct
Gross. Apostle Paul. jeremiah Scrip
lures and De~i Bible Coufr.ssed 10
these corae Edward Vice and Conrad
Sinner.
Some otherp are, NaryAias. Charles
Kiss, Henry Hug. John Bri6eSroor.
J otn Wedding, g,Encea-ia Johnspa. Eurh
Cry and Mary S.obs: join Soe.cz. James
Stocking, Robert podkin. Jacob Need
,es. Edward Dentist, Jexse Toosheche.
George Booebr.k. J1neo Borekalex,
Joha Eopsror, hs,s sosesegn. Ed
ward Throne. Oliver Jumps Andrew
Bump. Simon Dancer. Jznz Waits
Peter Trip and George Gd,op. TIE
manner in rhich ds>r.n. parts OF the
human acascEy are sczs.eres3 .hrurGh- |
out ths lis. might zise The nppeaance
II rcilsosd wreck The-- are samn>i
soo-. William Face. James Cocex. Dr.. |
Ec,9s, Adam sAzasx. Thnn0 Yoote.
IiirzEa Head. James Legg. sszocri Hsrd.
stephen Baca AID z g. Li7pl Then |
,o--n Jerry Cus. Mary Collar. Ford Cr.-
sat- William Co-s~ss- Robrr- Dorne.,
fhora1s Baths. James Towel ard Tin |
rrbbs: Lsaze Quail. Aaron Drake. W.
Ian Crow snd Hsssr Ps2>oa: Peter
1icazofe- Jare Neloey. Joan Ra-r.ozy.
John Ss7g-se-. John Harp sz46 D. T.
0;ttT; wsgmaa Pc-1sct, WIsissn
Proper. JANIS Polite. Joan Harmless.
ssays.;e Fs.orit>-U cs@E.Ss x