The herald., 1896-02-10

- IT,
"Say," remarked the deputy zanjerc,
gazing mournfully full into the mouth of
his stein, which had become emptied
through circumstances over which it
itself had no control, "I've been let in on a
deal, which, eff de car don't run often de
track, III prove de biggest ting on record in
dis vale of tears since de time when de
'sociation picked out Frank RAIDER to run
de book in de racin' stables when Henry
t. Hazard vas abein' knocked into de
middle of mex week. You know George
Gard? All, encose yuze do. All us good
people as is outen Jail, where we amt got
no license to be, knows George. He's been
spieler fer de party here since de time
when de Downey block was de lawn tennis
court for old Governor Pho Pico. Well, de
be de outside sentinel, has picked
out Gard toi be de heavy viii
lain. so as to cook John M.
Glass. Cards got to be taken care of
at least till Mckinley lands right side up
wild care on de capitol front steps, an may
back to his lovin' frens, dere cash fund
having. like ourn, been a-pumped leetle
dry. George Gard amt no mesquite like
de colonel. His cakes got to be sweet wild
de tastn' of it. an $3.50 per so often req
lars de least we kin do fer him. Dat bein'
it to yuse, George Gard is to boss de per-
lice force"
'Ye see it's like dis. Me and Walter
Moore, an may be Dan Burns or John ID.
Spreckels, I'll match yuse ter see which
one ov de Frisco velvet it'll be. ia to reor-
organize de force. De treat amt due till
about {. year from now, when de legsla-
ture III hev furled dere little banner to de
breeze. Billy Pendleton or Bulla III den
and dere interduce bill placin' de force in
all cities ov 10000 or more tenderfeet
under de metropolitan system, win CHI
means dat de gov'nor an me III appoint de
commissioners, an Guy Barham I'll be rel
egated. De new board, which III be me, I'll
den crown Gard de car of all in sight, and
tings I'll be hereabouts as dey wuz in de
mort, when made de law which has Civ to
Nose Gunst his job fer life."
"Discussin' de perlice, between you am
me an RocherIo Rocho, Glass has leetle
reorganization scheme ov his very ownest.
De mayor as may be in de shuttle, an
Frank Munson, an some of de nine as
is alinin' up to control de hall for anoder
two years, has possible a tingernail in de
loaf. Me not known', l can't say, but
Colonel iced allows by all de sand in de
takes it, OATS de truf. Dis much Pm
asayin' to youse between waltzes. Glass
hes made report to RAIDER which 'ud
make six-sevenths of de force go out an
strike if de facts was known. De chiefs
story Isl an de romance is may be gospel,
dat one of his people is tief. The force,
he says, is full of DRINKS. and
deere is. in his very ownest writin',
lots of idiots among de men, One of de
upper office people is labeled ''overrated"
(whew, but OATS a wheezer), an anoder is
set down as not having Judgment enough
to ketch de infants measles. Dat list is
a-goin' to lop off de heads of some mugs
as thinks dey has de world by de pants.
When de dynamite is exploded, dis young
Teller is agoin' to be on deck. Den watch
de snow come down in welts from Mount
Wilson.
''Dis Teller Tom Savage g Democrat.
an he don't belong to lie ISOLATION, but he's
got more sense when it comes to playin'
good oall den all of our fish fellers put to.
gether. Fred Wood sent to Tommy one of
dem little white livered memorandum
booklets, as let's daylight trough de minds
of de conductors when s time to ring up
a fare. All of us good people has been a
gettin' dem little novelties. Savage sends
his back, declined wild tanks, which proves
dat dey know how to say nit when dey
don't care to SO to prayer meetin' in de
Ate ward.
Say, de cash fund is fer anoder trip in
clover. We sold off Perry Towards flock
of spavns on Saturday an got nearly six
hundred silver simoleons for 'em, and Ed
Smith b'ssed de circus wild M. p. Snyder,
Frank Munson, Charley Luckenbach an
Sam Kingery actin fer end men. Dat city
corral would have MIXED Sam Hellman's
money safe dry eff it hadn't been achoked
TO dealt when it was. Dey say Howard
used to feed dem horses a bushel of green
backs day each direct from w. A. Hart
wells money drawer, but OATS a lie. Dem
| tilleys couldn't live on greenbacks and dey
amt purity 'nough. Dey used to eat
now TO get ice fer de water coolers in de
| hall, an when de coin gives out we'll hev
, to fall back again on Broderick's ale till de
| chamber of commerce an my fren' de
| colonel roots out de tings AS dey is.
DE mayor got sick when Ed Meserve
! pulled his brother off'n de hot Goals where
| dey was a-roastin' him to nice brown
crisp. Burnin' meat hev dat effect on
! some stomachs. When Ed went to Frisco
fer two days RAIDER come out of dyin' bed
| to see dat Elmo was laid beneat' de sot, as
| is right an proper under de ordinance
| which makes qualification one of de lost
| arts. Me, nor alter Parker, nor Billy
| Dunn is a-takin' sides in dis little melee.
| Our moral support is wild de administra-
ton, of course. but de rea! article has
| a-gone vegetatIn till after de ballots has
been sealed up on election day.
'.Some of dem new school buildings
| amt after all to be done as per promise
| made when we give dem $4,000 con-
| tractors dere 'xtension. We're in dc hole
| nov in dat little spiel an we might jes as
| well keep on aridn' in dc special car
which we picked out to make dis trip.
| Desc Irish is never reliabel, an if Mum
son he'd alistened to me, Mackey an
Young would have been cinched when de
band first played You Can't Play in Our
Back Yard. We bet dose people live free
when dey ought to be apayin' us $50 every
sunset, an now it's all | kin do to keep dc
sociation from putin me an tie real
people around here off de black list. Some
smart people don't know politics from
marbles. but when my fren' Grubb gets in
de council, nickle plated brass must be
asellin' fer $ carat gold, an de old flag
III be respected e. pltiribus unuui, Erin &c
Brah, nit"
"Dat drug store ordinance gives to my
fren', iced. de chance 10 come up snnil
in when we'uns all t'ouhgt he was dowl
an out When dat teller takes de jersey
COW by de tail. me and the head of the ad
| mnistration has a cold sweat. I've tol(
| Teed dat if he's good, he kin be minister tt
Moiave wnen de Colonel lines dc boys W
fer holiday presents from Mckinley. Teet
den Billy Dunn las to come in to put dt
from mex to Stimson's put to sleep Jes
right, but he wont stay dead wort ret
nickel. Raier III go east again in de cum
Ia, H.. Il ,,~I, n no