Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-03-18
SLYMPKIN'S REVENGE.


him until l was out of breath, and still
he did not come.
If YOU want to know who am, allow
me 10 inform you that my name is
George Boomerang, better known in
Frazedona, where I reside, as Captain
Boomerang, late Of the army. I am
man of considerable wealth, own the
finest house in town, and keep, or did
keep, man by the name of Sam, whose
duty it was to brush my clothes, hat
and boots, and adjust my leg.
I refer to a wooden leg. The original
leg ran against cannon ball during
our late unpleasantness, and I have
never seen it since.
Well, il was Sans duty to take that
wooden leg off every night and to be
on hand in me morning to put it on
before got out OF bed and now you
know why l was yelling Sam! Sam!
Sam"
And when inform you that this was
the morning of my wedding day per-
haps You can imagine how anxious
was to get on to my legs as soon as pos
sible.
Yes ma'am. I was the lucky fellow
that had walked into the affections
on wooden leg. toO-of the handsom-
est girl in F'razedona, and was that day
TO lead her to the altar. But l must
get my leg on first, and as Sam would
mt or couldn't come, l rolled out of bed
and went hopping around on one foot
and my leg.
Now, my dear reader, when the sur
geon trimmed my stump after that lit
tie affair with the cannon ball. he saw
ed 1t OF UncOmmOnly short, so per
haps YOU can family imagine my feel
lngs when, after hopping around my
room. / found what I supposed to be
my leg, but upon attempting to adjust
IL, discovered that it was intended to
go on below the knee.
DO wooden legs shrink that's just
what | want to know" said I. And
then 1 rang the bell and called Sam
Well Samuel didn't come, but my
houSekCeper Mrs. Bloom. did.
Mrs. Bloom, - l cried where is
SAM"
She answered me through the key
hole of the door "He left the house
last night about eleven oclock-took
his trunk with him. and said he was
going TO leave town by the midnight
train"
/ couldn't understand it at first. 1
had always used Sam well, paid him
good wages, and he had seemed perfect
ly contented with his situation and
served me faithfully until now.
Suddenly an idea struck me. and the
whole cause of Sans perGdy was re-
vealed to me.
by heavens, it is Slympkinsr veil
ed. "Slympkins is the cause of all my
woe. lie bribel Sam to steal my leg.
On this. my wedding day, and leave this
insufficient pro-, ~ place eff II"
Jim SlympkinS is. or was, my rival.
He is the only son Of his father. who.
by the way is the most wealthy gentle
man in FrazedOna. Consequently. jim
doesn't do anything but smoke cigars.
drive round town behind his splendid
grays, and devote himself TO the ladies
generally.
L rather had the advantage Of Slymp-
kins. To be sure Slympkins had or
was expecting to have. much more
wealth than l could boast Of: but he
hadn't any face, you know. or ANYTHING
like 1t.
L was sorry for Slymplins. but. hang
1t, my dear sir. what could | do? If
he had chosen Miss Short. Miss Ginx.
Miss Broad, or, in fact. anyone but
Miss Amelia Seymour, it would have
been well. But it was really absurd
for Slympkins to suppose that would
allow him or any other man to marry
Amelia-at least, while I had a wooden
leg.
l would have given Slympkins any
thing in reason, but il was truly ridicu-
lous for him to think that l would give
him Amelia. told her so. and then I
folded her to my breast, and then she
folded me TO her breast, and l allowed
her to sip the honey from my ruby lips.
Yes, I had won her, and poor Slymp-
kins was fairly wild with rage. He
had sworn to be reyenged, but laughed
at his threats.
/ was seated at the breakfast table
supping my coffee half an hour after
ward, when Mrs. Bloom came running
in. crying:
oh. Captain, I know all about it,
What. the Lego
Yes, | think so Ny daughter Eliza
says she saw Mr. .Slympkins give Sam
some money last night"
Yes, l know it was Slympkins. "
More than that. Sam was married
last night to Miss Seymour's maid. and
they went OFF together by the twelve
clock train.
But. my dear woman" said 7 'T
don't care anything about whom L mas
married or where he has gone. The
question is has he carried my leg with
him.
Why, I'm sure don't know"
We'll, that is just what l want to
know, maam. This isn't a time for
truling You must remember that l
am 10 be married to-day. and. BY Jove.
/ want my legr
Why don't YOU ask Slympkins for
it?"
Yes and be laughed at. No. don't
intend 20 let him know anything about
the trouble he has caused me. Besides.
I don't know that he has got it..
But what are YOU going to do?"
why. just as soon as 1 finish nv
breakfast I snail go 10 Mr.. Seymour's
and tell him of the perfidy of my serv-
ant land / shall take that leg TO prove
my statement, and unless he objects
very strongly. I shall insist on being
married upon crutches rather than to
have the vvo6dfDo DOstnOna6 Tho