davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

The BABOON VALENTINE.
nearly thousand of these things this
year. What do you suppose oiu Saint
Valentinus. patron of the pleasant occa-
sion, will do with me when he gets hold
Of me-"
That naturally led to discussion of
the whole subject 1t appears that
Howard does not allow these drawings
to interfere in any way with his art
work. He has very nice way of get
ting the time to do them. In those
moments of dissatisfaction which an
ordinary man would waste in swearing
or in throwing fellow creature down.
stairs Howard simply draws valentines.
1t relieves his feelings perfectly. l was
glad to know this, for had been at a
loss to account for the exemplary mild
ness Of his disposition. 1t would be
unjust, Of course, to compare so favor
ed person with ourselves. We do not
have the opportunity Of insulting 3D.
100000 strangers every year. We must
do the best We can with only our fam
lilies and friends.
It appears that comic valentines are
all offensive. They are divided broadly
into two classes. which are known tech
nically as the ''Hit-'em- Hards" and the
Long Jokers." BY the rules of ordi-
nary social courtesy person may reply
to a Long Joker with club; but if he
gets Hit-'em-H Hard he takes down the
old nnucEo< from, tho roI1
The enormous sale of these things
proves that they must fill longing of
the human heart. The two sexes feel
this want about equally. Just as many
are painted for men as for women.
regard that as an interesting fact which
might easily escape the notice Of q less
acute student of human nature than
myself. Just how badly you have to
hate a person before you feel impelled
to insult him pictorially on the 14th of
February / am unable to state. But
there must be good many million peo-
pie In this country who could tell from
their personal experience. This prac-
tice shows the general recognition Of
the artistic value of contrast. An
added charm must cling to the pic
ture Of a jackass labelled "This is You"
when It is received on the day sacred
to lovers tokens.
Mr.. Howard tells me that these valen-
tines are all directed to the pictorial
exhibition Of some human fault or folly.
Il tAsy were connned 70 any other Geld
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
THE MODERN DUDE.

MODCE y
left nothing whatever to be desired,
OF course, there were many other duds
caricatures that year, but this was thu
most offensive by long odds. 1t hap
pened that a young man of Mr.. How
ards acquaintance got three valentines
that year from three different cities.
and every one of his unknown admirers
picked out this identical valentine.
What could a man think under such
exceptional circumstances except that
there was a distinct resemblance be-
tween himself and the fellow in the pic
ture? 1t must have been deeply de-
pressing. learn from Mr. Howard
that this gentleman did not commit sui
eide, but he would have committed
murder under favorable conditions.
One of the most successful valentines
ever sent out was entitled "The Slug
gard 1t represented man in bed.
A pair of naked and gigantic feet hung
over the foOtbOard, which was in thu
foreground: and the sun: with a smils
of derision on his countenance, vas
seen looking in through an open win
dow. Mr.. Howard gave this to ME in
philosophical spirit as sample o:
what is considered a rare joke by many
thousands of persons. Perhaps the
richest thing-if popular applause ba
the criteriOn-in the line of comic val.
entines for women was a picture en-
titled "Going to Seed" 1t represented
a particularly ill-conditioned plant In q
large red flower-pot, and the flower was
the typical head OF an old maid. Thou
sands upon thousands of these vera
sold, and they served, doubtless. to EN-
bitter the thoughts of corresponding
number of women who ought rather to
have been congratulated. While many
of these valentines are used in malice.
the real reason why they sell is that the
people think that they are funny.
There's a very deep theme. have
made a special duty of the problem.
What do people laugh at? And l have
partly solved it. / have learned what
myself laugh at-but the remaining
persons mentioned in Mr.. Porter's GEN.
sus have thus far eluded me. And even
in my own case the result is not con.
slant. One day, perhaps. l can laugh
at one of my own jokes. and few days
later, when / run across it in copy Of
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

the person to whom l have referred
draws about 900 valentine pictures
every year. and each of them is printed
In editions Of $4,000. Most of them are
sold in this country, but there is also
quite an export trade with Europe The
most popular of them run through many
EDITIONS. But let us suppose that each
OF them has two editions. That will
give total of $4,000, 900 year. Now,
reflect. further. that everyone OF them
Is designed to make somebody swear.
and you begin to get an idea o. the ter
rl0le business in which this artist is
engaged. Let us suppose that 10000
OOO OF them reach their destinations,
ana that each individual recipient
swears only five times. We have to-
tai OF 1O0,OOO.OOO cuss-words, for which
my friend, the artist, is directly respon-
slole, every year. Suppose. further,
tnat the artist holds his job thirty-six
ana halz years, and afterwards suf-
1ers IN purgatory one day for every
piece of violent language caused by
MIN, as computed above, he will be
there 100000 years, and do not call
enough. writes Howard Fielding in
a New York paper of recent date.
These mathematical operations are
founded upon exact facts. In this let
ter am simply trying to state matter
OF news in plain words.
have known the valentine artist for
long time. but never suspected him
of doing anything of that kind. 1t was
only yesterday that learned about it.
l went into his work shop just as he
finished drawing. l looked over his
shoulder expecting to see a pretty pic
ture designed for one of the magazines.
with the familiar signature, c. Howard.
Instead l saw horrible freak wearing
a white apron and engaged in pouring
cats into sausage-mill
That's sweet thing, Howard" said
[. whats it for?'
"FOr butcher" said he. cts in
:ended to be a slight token of some
body's regard on Feb. ii. I've made
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

| servant-girl go early; and sat, neglect
ing even to light the lamps, before a
big oak fire in the sitting-ro0m think
| ing up one of Dicks cases. 1t was a
| murder case, that had a great deal OF
| circumstantial evidence leading in va
| rious directions.
l soon became deeply absorbed: so
deeply that l presently went to sleep at
| 1T, and in a dream saw our poor man
| tried, convicted and actually sentenced
| to be hanged, and was myself possess
ed of frantic desire to attend the
hanging in person, my nOn-appearance
being wholly due to the fact that could
not find my shoes, being separated from
them for some uneXplainable reason.
l woke up suddenly, frightened to
find myself enveloped in darkness, re-
lieved only by an uncanny red glow
from the fast-dying Goals upon the
hearth. Everything was so still. Not
the smallest sound except the ticking OF
little clock in my darkened bedroom,
and the clicking of the dying Goals.
1 was possessed of strange, sink
ing fear. l was afraid to move, afraid
to turn my head to left or right lest l
see something terrifying lurking in the
gloomy corners. I was cold, too, and
trembling. The room was chilled; l
fancied it must be just before dawn.
My fear increased rather than dimin-
ished as the moments dragged by. l
could hear my heart beating. I soon
became enthralled by terror. had a
kind of instructive animal fear of i'm
pending danger. 1 thought of the
money. 1t was locked up in the cabinet
at my right hand, not two yards away.
l found myself listening painfully, tor
turously. My throat seemed swollen.
l swallowed in gulps.
endeavored to rally my courage, to
persuade myself that l had awakened
from a nightmare, and was nervous;
that there was nothing to fear, and
that was making baby of myself.
All to no purpose. Something was go
ing to happen: something was happen
ing at that moment which would bring
me hurt
could not throw off the notion. Just
then it began to rama regular down.
fall, as if the bottom had suddenly
fallen out of the clouds. l had never
known it to rain so heavily. A perfect
deluge, and every drop seemed to pene-
trate my soul. did not move. lay
back in my cushioned chair helpless,
and felt that l could not have raised
my hand to my face if my life were
the forfeit. Such pouring! l found
myself listening behind the rain-be-
hind all the pattering notwithstanding
for another sound. I had grotesque
idea that the elements and this some
thing that was coming to me, were col
leagued together, the one to screen the
approach of the other.
l was listening with every fiber of
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
HELD MY HEAD ACROSS HIS

KNEES.
| finished chimney sweep, and I KEEP,
scrambling until had made a strong.
hold for myself.
What went on down below I did not
know. In the cessation of the rain ]
could hear the heavy tread passing to
and fro in search, 1 knew, for that
money. But I, from my lofty vantage
ground. could only thank heaven again
and again for such blessed deliver
ance.
1 was so benumbed with cold and
fright that think lost consciousness
and would probably have tumbled down
the chimney but that 1 was SO rigid and
so walled in could not
The next thing remember was open-
ing my eyes and seeing the square of
wan light above me. Then realizing
all, my strength gave way. and I fell
heavily striking my head against some
thing which left me senseless for hours.
When I came to myself, 1 was in the
arms of young man whom had never
seen before. He sat upon the floor. and
held my head across his knees. while
he wiped the blood from my cut fore
head with pocket handkerchief.
which every now and then he would
squeeze out in a basin of water at his
elbow.
don't suppose there was ever a more
terrified young man upon this earth of
ours. Imagine an inoffensive young
man turning up in town where an in
innate friend lived, coming in on the
very train that takes his intimate
friend out. Imagine the intimate friend
cordially inviting the newcomer to his
house, telling him that there was no.
body in it. but that he could nut up
there. make himself lord and master.
find plenty to eat by foraging around.
and get good bed. Then to make the
thing complete. give him the wrong
keys By which to let himself in. Imae-
inc this newcomer booming about town
until IL o'clock. then striking out for
his friends abode; overtaken by the
rain; at last to arrive at his intended
abiding place to discover he has the
wrong keys. which necessitated his
climbing into the house like q burglar.
Imagine him piling into the first bed he
comes to. very soon sinking OF into the
untroubled slumber Of the innocent 1t
heart. to be awakened at the peep q
day BY a something tumbllng down
the chimney. Not = hobeoblin- that
8o9A hGffaR-hs,f : ~rnm,v .ae -
noeeeoeed ana sriny. 1T SIN = . -
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

RECEIVED A TELEGRAM.
downs, arrived at Dicks town, queer
little village in South Carolina.
Dick is moderately young bachelor.
He is an attorney -at-law, and has a
very fair practice indeed. Anterior to
my advent, he had lived by himself
in a pretty cottage on the prettiest
street, and was rather a central figure,
and was quite the most eligible young
man about town. He was not spoiled,
though. 1 found him to be very
dear old fellow, and determined in my
heart to be to him such a faithful CO.
operator and satisfactory housekeeper,
that he would never need or desire any
other.
We got on famously together. so ia
mously that in all probability the last
chapter would have found us still there.
he a grizzled old bachelor. 1 a grizzled
old maid, had not something occurred
which brought about a change.
1t all grew out of what happened one
st. Valentines eve.
On this day, memorable above other
>,
Dick received telegram to 60 up that
evening to A, a city fifty miles
away, to meet an important client. He
did not have time to come home, for
the train was then in sight, but he
scribblei me the following note. which
I did not get until nearly night, be-
cause the Office boy neglected to bring
it until that time.
$40 p. m.
Dear Girl-Have to leave on next
train to meet man in A.. Proba-
bly, won't get home until tomorrow
noon. Spend the night with the An
cient "a dear old lady friend of mine)
Be sure to put that money in the bank
before it closes at 4. Don't fail.
DICK.
It was such a bore to lock up at that
late hour and go out for the night It
had been such gloomy afternoon, and
looked like it would rain. Altogether
I did not feel like it. was not afraid.
though I had never stayed alone all
night in a house. And the money
several thousand dollars collected for .
client-surely could not at put
money In the bank that closed at 4. L
could not very well carry IL with me to
the Ancient's, and certainly could not
leave it.
had never heard Of any burglaries In
the village. 30 I made mp my mind that
would stay At home that night ana
take the risk. 4 there we're any, because
a Hae troubleoome to e Otherwise.
I a not want any -. % I let ~
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

woman. and one probably more dead
than alive. Imagine it all il you can.
for that is what happened to the mis-
guided young man. who held me across
his knees and wiped the blood from my
broken forehead on that memorable ST.
Valentines morning.
Imagine it, and tell me if men
through stupidity don't cause half Of
all the trouble in the world. We ex-
planned it all to each other as best We
could. for l was really ill. and quite
ready to go off into another swoon.
When the servant girl came he went
for the doctor. and Mary got me to bed.
Dick came at noon. and was Mortified
a. what had happened. But the doctor
had pronounced me more frightened
than hurt: and really. but for the dread
full cold had caught, and my wounded
forehead, it did Tot amount to any
thing, and soon became a tremendous
joke.
And it turned ont that this friend OF
Dicks, whose acquaintance l made in
such an unconventional fashion, was
the very client whose money de-
Tended
And it also came about that-that-
he-that THAT We have-we have
grown to know each other very WELL
and Dick-Dick is to look out for an
other co-operator before next fall; be-
cause-well, for reasons best known to
myself.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

1 had always lived with my aunt, had
known no other mother, therefore her
death was the greatest blow possible
to me- And this brother Richard
knew only slightly, and that when
was a mere child. If had been in
state of mind to care about anything, l
should have hated the idea of going
very much. AS it was. went without
a murmur. I took the journey alone,
almost clear across the continent, and
subsequently,, after many ups and
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

GETTING IN LIKE A BURGLAR.
my body drawn taut. Listening for
what? did not know. Something
beyond, behind the rain. Then heard
it. A sound distinct from the rain
patter. A sound emanating from our
little drawing-room-a scraping, draw
Ing sound. It came from the front
portico. I knew someone was cutting
through the Venetian blinds into the
house. Ny faintest doubt vanished
soon. when I unmistakably heard the
blinds dragged hack and the sash creak
. Il Vas pushed mp. Someoao vas
entering TIE house. This persoo. VIZ
evsr e uas. knev = NJ heethera ~
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
he might ind Il dimcuk to draw -
many as SOC in a single year.

NC A"ASAt uoo It Olmcut 10 draw -
many as SOC in a single year.
A considerable number of the valen-
tines intended Ger women satirizs &C.
centricities of fashion. This winter
there is great field for that sort of
work in the prevailing style of capes.
The preposterously broad and stir
shoulders with their cOnvoluted edges
turned up, make a woman look like the
head OF John the Baptist on a charger
Mr.. Howard tells me that ne has tried
TO exaggerate the absurdities of this
kind OF cape and has failed.
i can't make it look worse than i.
really does when see it on the street."
ne said, and so have to make up for
1t by drawing a cross-eyed woman in
side the cape. The worse the face LOOKS
the better the valentine sells. l should
think it would make poor girl who
had put all her cash into one Of those
capes feel pretty good to be tenderly
remembered with one of these cape
valentines on the 18th. I understand
that they ere already in great demand.
which shows the state of enviOus re-
sentiment among the girls who ara
wearing their last winters capes.'
Passing to mems attire. the dude II
caricature of this order has changed
very little in the past five or six years
In this connection the artist told ma
one OF the toughest experiences tina.
ever 1 heard. 1t appears that he oncs
drew particularly offensive dude VAL
entine. The absolute idiocy of tina
countenance which he put Oh the duds
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
IT WAS UNEXPECTED.
A STORY FOR ST. VALENTINES DAY.

HEN my dear Aunt
Maud died - she
died the very sum-
mer l graduated-I
was really too heart
broken TO care what
became of me.
Still, l hasl to be
disposed of in some
way, so it was de-
cided that l go to
live with my broth
NH
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
COMIC VALENTINES.
THEY MAKE ONE MAN LAUGH
AND ANOTHER SWEAR.
ABOUT the Man Who Makes 'Em-Mr
Howard INDUCES in Them When He
Feels Bad. and Causes 100000, 900
Cess Words Fer Year

HAVE discovered
the man who makes
all the comic valen-
tines. Yes, gentle
reader. it is true
that one conscience
has to carry the en-
tire burden. Per-
haps You do not
know how heavy
that burden is.
Learn then that
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

Featherstone-Willie I don't 80
that valentine that gave your sistee
in this pile.
while mo: she gave it to the baby =
play With. -.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
THE OLD MAID ALWAYS SEEMS

HE OLO MAic AL" Al . ScEMS
WE'LL.
an old magazine which died before
was born, it don't seem funny at all.
But Mr.. Howard has gone farther. Hs
has not only discovered the secret OF
what is humor to a great class OF our
citizens, but he has learned what Will
make one man laugh and another man
swear. I call that q considerable trs'
umph.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
The First Valentine.

The First Valentine.
Ny sister Sue has seven now,
And AntOinette has nine;
l wonder if the next will be
My own dear valentine?
I've watched the postman most all day
And now it's nearly eight;
l so to bed at seven; this once
Mamma said l might wait.
He's coming round the corner now;
Oh, dear! he's going past.
No. 70! he's coming in to bring
My valentine at last.
l kncH it must be mine this time:
It is, It's dressed to me-
Miss Dorothea Helen Brown"
As plain as it can be.
It's just as pretty as pink,
With angel boys with wings,
And rosy wreaths and ribbon knots,
And hearts and other things.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

AND LOVELY GOLD LACE ON THE
EDGE"
And lovely gold lace on the edge,
And poetry in line:
1t says: My love. love but thee,
Thy faithful valentine"
Ny sisters said that valentines
Were not for little girls,
Whose dresses did not reach their
boots
Who wore their hair in curls.
But don't care: they haven't one
That's half % nice ~ mine:
How glad an I'm old enough
10 hare Z valentine!
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13
STVALENTINF.S 81
EzaE@nl'!D [5E51;i;T
ZEN4 i@EIN
NS5lz2lNA

Winds that roam, with a homeless
sound,
Under a sky all leaden gray;
Ice on runnel, and snow on ground;
Leafless branches that bleakly sway
In winter days, for hearts that pine,
Hast thou no balm, Saint Valentine!
Where are the crickets' castanets,
Where are the songsbirds' melOdit
floods?
Where now slumber the violet.
Where hide the pussy willow buds?-
Whisper within this ear of mine
Such secrets, kind Saint Valentine!
Alas! the saint shall never tell
The mystery of all these things;
Yet round one his name weaves spell.
Charming as watt of elfin wings,
Whence lads and lassies may divine
The presence of Saint Valentine.
Kind is he, yes, but old. they say,
With hair and beard like yonder snow.
Perhaps young folks would feel dismay,
Were he to them his face to show.
When they, with wax or gilded Irvine,
Seal missives marked Saint Ealen-
tine"
Hush! through the frosty atmosphere
What steals to earth? A radiant boy!
Whose eyes do look so sweetly queer
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1896-02-13

Hush! through the frosty atmosphere
What steals to earth? A radiant boy.
Whose eyes do look so sweetly queer
They make one blush yet fill with joy
Ha, ha! Come quaff. in sparkling wine
Good health to rare Saint Valentine!
Evening journal., 1896-03-26
TRUSS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE.

Letters Produced In Court Yesterday
written by the Alleged Murderer OF
Captain oamp-Professor wormly Testi-
fes.
EIKToN, March 90 Yesterday was the
second day Of the trial OF Harry Truss
for the murder Of Captain Thomas Camp,
at Chesapeake City. on the night Of
January last. Truss, who has all along
been cool and unconcerned, was very
nervous at what took place yesterday.
The reading Of the letters which he had
written to his wife and Mrs. Linda Ssvin.
his sister, caused a sensation aud Il was
this that caused Truss no little uneasl
ness. The letter to his sister had never
resched her, but had fallen into the
hands OF Sheriff Mackey. The letter
wanted her to come TO court and swear
that Truss was AZ her houae on the
night OF the murder from 3. 20 to z 30
o'clock, and that she should swear that
Truss had been saving up his money aud
that she knew 1t. He said he was
mistaken about the Deibert matter and
told her to keep quiet about that. For
her swearing as he had indicated she was
to receive $40 as soon as he got out Of
jail In March. The letter was dated
February 10 last,
The letter to his wife told her TO tell
his sister to testify that he had been
saving money and for her to look under
the oilcloth In the hallway aud she would
find $50, which she was to say nothing
about TO anyone. This letter was written
on February and Sheriff Mackey
Immediately went to Chesapeake City
aud with DR.. w @ Ksrsner visited the
Truss house and there found the $50 AZ
indicated In the letter Professor
WormleY OF the University OF Pennsyl-
vania, testified that the spots on the
clothing, shovel handle and boots belong
ing to Truss we're human blood.
Evening journal., 1896-03-26
sMYRNAs GOOD TEMPLARs.

They Celebrated Their Eleventh Anniyer-
sary Last NiRht-WOrk On the smyrna
River
Special Correspondence Evening Journal
SMYRNA March 90 Lodge No. 3, l. o
q r., celebrated It's eleventh anniversary
last night AZ the lodge room In the
Cooper Building The program consisted
Of music, recitRtions, history of the lodge
by Q. o. Swlnpsy. M D., aud an address
by Professor Horace Eastburn, Of Mt.
Cuba, Del M Eastburn spoke forcibly
on temperance and patriotism Later In
the evening the members and their guests
adjourned to the dining parlors Of
George M Stevenson, whore they ban
quoted until late hour.
The Smyrna Library Association has
added to it's already large collection
twenty eight volumes Of recently Issued
fiction aud juvenile works.
The work Of the government dredger is
progressing, but the work on the Smyrna
river would advance more rapidly II the
dredger's arm we're longer