New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1896-08-04

An English Journal says that funeral Is ~
sarGed a very high festival in rural Yorkshra
4 ncor woman was lately heard complaining Of
TIE fare provided at she had attended: "A
paitry concern" she said. scornfully, "Nobbut
cakes and such like. Now. I've buried five. but
sided EN- AL off With am" And this: farmer wa
assisting his daughter IN the choice OF dress
and. seeing her fancy incline to blue one. said
re,noustratingly Nay lass. TAX tie black one;
happen tina might have the luck TO be axed TO
funeral" and his counsel prevailed.
How foolish is the pessimlst.
Despondent and forlorn.
Who always. when, ne sets rose,
Goes hunting for the thorn.
The oDtimst has better sense
the charm OF life he knows
He doesn't mind a sciatch or two.
II he can get The rose
CankeIed with discomfort.
The optimist has heaps OF fun
-,Somervle Journal
THE Cleveland Plain Dealer says that an aged
man sauntering across Sup,rior-st the other day
somewhat rudely jostled by youthful Wheel
man. The shock OF the collision rumbled the rider
off and the old gentleman promptly grabbed him
by the ear. "Durn you he said, with considerable
asperity, i've great mind 10 take you across
my knee and spank you good" But he didn't DO
II. He just held the young fellow minute ana
then let him go. why didn't you spank him.
uncle" said a bystander. We'll" replied the cid
man. with humorous twinkle. Il certainly would
II hadn't been a leetle afraid that mebby II was
a girl"
Miss Kissam-You seem depressed tonight MI.
today To- and out nv fate and told that the
girl loved would not marry me. .u..
Miss Kissam-But. Mr.. Dexter, no fortune-teN@
Is authorized TO speak for me.-(Detrot Free PresA
Outside a Methodist chapel in stefied, England,
Is a board which regularly displays the name OF
the pre- lcher and his subject for the following sun
day. Recently. following the preachers name the
subject for the next Sunday was given. and
cordial invitation thus:
Playing the fool 49,
You will be heartily welcome
A Practical Maid.-'I have a poem on the sea-
Il think III take John" replied the maiden
HE has ship ere."-tAtlanta Constitution.
The London correspondent Of The Manchest~
Courier" publishes a remarkable account OF new
illumnant. which, II all that is said OF IL Is true
will push both gas and electric light very hard
For its production machinery Is required save
that contained in portable lamp neither larger
nor heavier than IL used with COLA oil or para!n
This lamp II Is declared. generates its own gaA
The substance employed is at present secret
ealously arded by some inventive Italians. the
cost is declared be at most one-ffth OF that OF
ordinary gas. and the resultant light is nearly -
bright as the electric light and much whittier
single lamp floods large room with light Tho
apparatus can be carried about easily a.
candlestick and seems both clean and odorless.
Lawyer ito butcher)-See here now I've traded
with YOU for five six years. and you have never
employed me once.
Butcher-I know: but IL / had employed you ]
shouldn't have had any money to carry on my
own business with; then where would you De wneu
you wanted a DECENTRALIZATION Transcript
The Philadelphia Record" says: The last OF
the four gigantic bronze eagles that Will percn
on the top OF the City Hall tower for ages %
come will be hoisted up to It's dizzy position before
the week closes Including the big figure OF VIII
lam Penn. which weighs $1,000 pounds. the eh''s
weight OF all the bronze statues and groups ."
the tower is $50 900 pounds. This weight 10 tn1s
times In excess OF the amount that II was es.r
mated the tower would have TO carry ana Inv
cost OF the figures underestimate by si0'~~
The height OF the tower had TO be Increased '"eav
feet to accommodate them. which entaiied an aau''
tional cost OF $4,000 However now that the IN
mense and costly shaft is near compie"on' .
believed to be good for life OF i."" ''"'''
least"
Prudent Msmma-Rosam ond. you ought no,
permit that young Spoonamore 70 DC y. NAV Be
TO you. What do you know oil mn" 'A'
u wholly unworthy young man. 4. =. committed
Miss Rosamond--I don't caro- II a.. ne erssm 80.
the crime Of 1873 He always buxA va Gssa
Chicago Tribune.