The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

After woman has tied up bundle
there is no string left in the house.
-Atchison Globe.
Gam so glad you had the doctor;
did he relieve you?" eyes; of $40"
Boston Courier.
81 am blowed" as the gas remarked
when the rustic CongresmRn put it
out. The Capitol, Washington,
Now the timid, doubling stritor,
By Professor Roentgen's art,
May, before he speaks, discover
II she has marble heart.
indianapolis Journal.
DR.. Pills-"Who was the most sue.
cessful of all the girls who were study
ing medicine with you?" DR.. Squills
"Miss Ketchem; she got married. -
Harper's Bazaar. =
"For the life of me, said the young
man, 81 don't see why q woman was
not born with the capacity for swal-
lowing excuses that she has for leo
cream. Indianapolis Journal.
Lawyer Ia few years hence) Make
your mind easy. The jury will disa-
gree. Prisoner "Sure?" Lawyer
81 know it. Two of the members are
man and wife. New York Dispatch.
''Yon are the only doctor who ad-
vises me to stay at home. All the
others say l ought to go a winter re-
sort" al suppose they have all the
patients they want. "-Fliegende Blaet.
ter.
Disappointed Guest-"T thought
you said there was an extensive view
from you hotel?" Disappointing
Landlord-"Wel, you can sec the
moon, can't you"-Somerville Jour
nal.
Ardent Lover you could see
my heart, Belinda, you would know
how fondly-" Up date Girl (pro-
ducing camera) III intend to see it,
Hiram. Sit still, please. - Chicago
Tribune.
She-"He whistled as he went for
want of thought. OF conrse it was Il
boy. You wouldn't find girl whist
ling for want of thought" He-"No;
she wouldn't whistle; she'd talk. -
indianapolis Journal.
He-"Oh, dear wish l could get
hold of some good biscuits like mother
used to make for mel" She-"And l
wish / could get some good clothes
like father used to buy for me. In
dianapolis Journal
81 hardly know whether to marry
her or not" said the count; "her
father is in the clothing trade"
"lhero is money in clothes, said the
duke. "rhere isn't any in mine, said
the count. indianapolis Journal.
First New Woman (at the club
"What makes you so blue?" Second
Ditto -"My father-in. law has come to
stay with us, and John and he SIT at
their knitting all day, aud cry about
my treatment of john. "-Philadelphia
Record.
Laura" said the fond mother,
"what are tho intentions of that young
man you are permitting to call on you
so often?" "NeVer mind that, mother"
answered the maiden 81 know what
my intentions are. ."-Cincinnati En-.
quirer.
Teacher - "George, what excuse
have you for being late?" George
E" Only far fetched one" Teacher
"What do you mean?" George
conductor ef the car carried me several
blocks past the school. "-Harper's
Round Table.
"Waiter," said the guest, "I'm
little afraid of this milk, Haven't you
any boiled water?" "We can boil
you some, sah," replied the waiter,
"but the milk is all right. We use
nothing but artesIan well water here,
sab. Chicago Tribune.
He-"But of course you will forget
me. " She--"Nonsense / shall think
OF you when you are gone. He
sob, shall yOu?" She-"Yes; there.
fore, the longer you are gone, the
longer / shall think of you. Won't
that be nica?"-Boston Transcript.
"Papa, can l keep the wolf from the
door with my singing?' He was
without hope, although he smiled.
"My child" he sighed, ''your singing
would keep almost anything from the
door, but the wolf is pretty neryy,
you know. detroit News Tribune.
"Gentlemen of the jury" said an
eloquent young Dallas lawyer, take
INTO consideration the children of my
unfortunate client. "But he has nc
children" interrupted the District
Attorney. "lhen, gentlemen OF the
Jury, will you consign TO living
tomb a man who has no children aud
who is the sole support OF his wiieY
--paxas Sitter