Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1896-01-16
HEAR AN ASSESSOR.
Ne RELATES HIS EXPERIENCE AND
GIVES 4 cit OF ADVICE.

His Piano and Poverty Proeiem-A Parrot
That Wa Cheap At Any Pfiee-A Scene
Courtesy to the Assessor.
Thea By telling tie truth an evil Is
pe-petrased, then it is wrong to tell the
Gth- suppose that is the reason 50
many people are doing god b. telling
falsehoods 10 personal properly ASSES
ors The writer Is deputy assessor in
the west town, and at present he is CON.
pihng book that is full Of names and
figures The names are all right, bus
the nan who said figures can't lie
never assessed personal property.
There are about 50 Of Is assessors,
who form in . line at 8 a n, move up
70 o. window in Assessor Jacob n
Hc-n's west town Office, Haymarkes
Thea.er building, and get our books I'D
blank schedules These caHskin covered
books contain little map q some par
ticular district in the great West Side
We move cot to these districts and 60
to work The town clerk registers CUR
oa,hs to faithfully perform the duties
Of an assessed" and tie people we as
sess do the rest q the swearing. Tia:
isn't all Sometimes they SET tie dog
90 q and otherwise reat us as though
ere were book agentz Tha. makes the
assessor warm, and then he interviews
q neighbor regarding property tia: is
not accessible. And the Consequence Is
people who bounced" the assessor will
find valuation placed upon their prop
erty that will cause them to think there
IL nothing certain but death and taxes
Occasionally we find poverty and pi-
ano together. The piano is assessable,
and the poverty isn't II you assess the
piano, you increase the poverty, and
there you are.
These ;nconguities come up, and IN.
less you have the wisdom Of board Of
equalization there Is trouble Speaking
about this board, have an idea thai
they viii Just about double the poor az
SCISSORS figures when they get down to
work A keen assessor can locate every
piano in his district. II be doesn't hear
it, everybody else in the ne;ghborhood
has, and they tell him about it. I asked
a real nice looking lady the other day II
she had a piano, and she said NO"
why, YES, mamma, we have" said
be. little girl
The mother said: go into the house
this minute, you naughty girl How
dare you And then the child knew she
had done something wrong. She had
told the truth to nasty, mean assessor
went into little candy store On the
same street To the woman behind the
counter stated ny business
She replied: Il am poor widow. Ny
God, what will do:' Tears flowed
down her checks, and she sobbed as
though her heart would break The as
SCISSOR felt 50 mean that he sneaked out
without asking her name.
Even the parrots are down On assess
ors. A Latin street bird told the as.
SCISSOR to go to - any number Of times
while he was conducting the linguistic.
rial ceremony.
THAT bird speaks very plainly, said
the writer.
Just hear the dear fellow He can
say - just as plainly as can. will
sell him for SIS. There's a bargain. "
And the lady meant every word she said
A parrot that can cuss an assessor is dirt
cheap at any price.
This is how they do it On Ashland
boulevard:
Scene, front stoop Of stone man.
sion Dramatis personae, lady with
large diamonds in her ears Negligee at
tire. Assessor with book and an official
smile.
Lady-We are cleaning house today,
all topsy turvy. and you cannot come in.
Assessor-Not at all necessary, my
dear madam, that / should 60 in. I
have brought this book and my imagi-
nation along, and l can see all that 10
necessary. see that this is beautiful
house, and the eye Of my imagination
penetrates these walls. SIC grand pi.
ano. statuary By Throwaltere, paint
ings by the old and new masters, tapes.
tries from India, carpets from Turkey,
china from Dresden, bric-a-brac from
all parts Of the world-in short, every
thing that a lady Of your exceptional
judgment would use in embellishing
such noble mansion
Lady-Sir.
Assessor-While I can hardly venture
to place valuation upon such treas
ures I will be moderate and say 49,.
0o0
Lady-Do it if you dare Come in and
The assessor went in and found his
mental picture scarcely overdrawn, but
the final courtesy caused slump in the
valuation.
Here is bit Of advice to persons who
are inclined to resent the intrusion Of
an assessor. The advice does not cost q
cent, but if you do not act upon it you
may be caused no end Of trouble and
money also Throw your door wide open
to the assessor, invite him in, give him
to understand that you are the obliged
party and give him the information he
seeks. and it is 10 to / that you will be
treated fairly, and point or two may
be stretched in your favor. Shut him
out, and he will make record Of the
fact, and in fixing the valuation Of
your property find nothing in your "a
vor. If you go to the Office with your
schedule, the fact that you refused ad.
mittance to the deputy is noted, and in
that event you will pay all the law de-
mands West Side Assessor in Chica.
60 Times Herald
Diplomatic.