Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1896-08-12
STORIES OF STETSON.
ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING MEN
EVER IN THE SHOW BUSINESS.

An Ignorance Whose Depth and Breadth
Made 1t Highly Entertaining-Stetson
Wss Source of Fan Outside of The
atrical Circles As Well rs Within Them.
There is a man born now and then
with q sort Of humorous silver spoon in
his mouth. Uninterrupted good fortune
as humorist smiles on him through
life, and that, too. with no seeming
effort of his own. He somehow acquires
an early reputation for saying or doing
funny things, which, once gained, moth
ing can take away. All the jokes in his
line of his generation, and often some
Of earlier and later generations, are
credited to him, and nobody cares to
dispute the honor. Collectors Of jokes
are ready to accept Joe Miller as Joe
Miller, but no literary scholar believes
that he originated all the jests in his
alleged book. Anybody can think for
himself of two or three similar examples
in the present half century, and, even
so, it is not likely that John Stetson
ever really said all or half the amusing
things that were attributed to him.
They were good stories, some of them,
and they were told of Stetson, Just as
the story of tiddling while Rome burned
was told of Nero, not because they were
true, but to show what kind of man
StetsOn was.
The stories which it was thought
proper to fix upon John Stctson were
those which exhibited any bread. COM
prchcnsivo and picturesque ignorance.
He was an ignorant man no doubt-iy-
norant enough, perhaps, to say all the
things that 1t was ever said that he
said, but the chances arc that he did
not say them all But the stories are
none the worse for that. Years ago
Sophoclcs' "Edipus Tyrannus" was
played by the students of Harvard col
lCge and excited great comment through
ont the country. 1t was discussed one
evening at n dinner at which Stctson
was present, and he chcercd the COM
pany by announcing that he had con-
tracted with SophOclcs for the writing
of new play to be produced by him
the following season.
This story belongs in the same class
as Il somewhat more elaborate one.
Stctson once took possession of new
theater and discovered in the lobby a
picture that did not meet his artistic
taste. Take that picture down." he
said.
But, Mr.. Stetson," somebody re-
monstratcd, THAT picture was painted
by Michael Angelo
Michael who?" said Stetson.
michael Angelo"
well, take it down." said Stetson,
land discharge Angelo. l won't have
any Of these foreign scene painters
around MY thcater; I'm going to en-
ploy Americans
This so amused those who heard it
that they at once told the incident to
friends Of Stetson and themselves, and
among them was Jack Haverly, the
famous negro minstrel manager. Hav-
erly did not laugh when he heard it,
but simply looked puzzled. He thought
for few moments, and then faint
smile came into his face, and he said.
oh, yes, l see; there ain 10 such per-
son as Michael Angelor'
This answer was thought good enough
to take back to Stetson, who, it was as
sumed, must have taken pains in the
meantime to inform himself of the his
tory Of art sufficiently to understand it.
What do you think, Stctson?" said his
friend. 1--WE have told Jack Haverly
what you said about Michael Angelo,
and he said, oh, l see; there amt no
such person rs Michael Angelop
Stetson looked blank in his turn for
moment and then received his own little
illumination as to the humor Of the
thing. why, the ignorant old fool"
he said; "of course he ought to have
said, There isn't any such person as
Michael Angelo.
This story again recalls another with
similar touch in it. The conversation
once turned on clever passage in W.
j. Florencc's old play, 1.-The Mighty
Dollar" i'll which Bardwell Sloat ex-
poses his ignorance by referring to
hackman whom he had encountered in
Venice. Yes" said Stetson, THAT is
>ASNNA Va SouisC ooil nave HICKS
in Venice; it's such a slow place they
don have anything but omnibuses and
mule carts" This fable found its way
into print again only few weeks be-
fore Mr.. Stetson's death.
What do you think of So-and so:"
Stctson asked of a friend, naming ono
of the actors of his company He meant
to ask what his friend thought of the
way the actor was playing the part i'll
which he was then engaged, but the
friend supposed that he meant to ask
what manner of man he thought him.
So he answered, Hes well enough,
only he seems TO me to be little too
pedantic.
This struck Stetson as a good word,
and he stored it up in his memory for
future use A few days later, when he
met the actor. he said, Il was in front
watching you last night and thought
you didn't play that part quite rs pc
dantic as you usually do
Sometimes Mr. Stetson's expressions
amounted to epigrams. 1t will be re-
membered that when Gilbert and Sulli- !
vans THE Gondoliers'' was first done
In this country at tho Na1,- park fbaatar