Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-03-16
JUST FOR FUN.
Au all-round man-Falstaff.


demitasse? Wilkins (from Chicago
Yes, and small cup of coffee.
81 wonder if he loves me?' she mus
ed. Again she read his letter. 1T
must be SO. can make no sense of
it.u
The comp who set it up, ''Sold his
birthright for dish of partridge"
was not at all clear as to what Esau in
the copy.
New Girl = What does your papa
like for his breakfast? Little Mabel
He always likes most anything we
! hasn't got.
Mrs. Shopper-Why, all these toys
are old Shopkeeper Yes, madam;
/ but, then, you know most of the ba-
bies are new.
AS rule a Georgia editor doesn't
care to be elected to the legislature
! for in that event he's handicapped
and can't advise it to adjourn.
g." walled the poetic young man,
lam ever misunderstood" 'sThen,"
asked the practical girl, "why do you
not try to talk United States?''
Mrs. Willie, has your moth
er been buying new rug? Willie
Slimson- Yes. You wouldn't know
there was a hole in the carpet now,
would you?
"What fish did you get, Pat, and
how many?" "Foine, big ones, begor-
ra; they were so big, sorr, that it
wouldn't take many of them to make
a hundred.'
ssOf the soloists, Miss Eta Fustle
carried off the horrors of the evening""
is what the paper said next morning.
Of course the reporter swore that he
wrote "honors."
"Well, Harry, what are you doing
nowadays?" "Writing for the press"
"Thankless sort of work, isn't it?"
"Bless your heart, no. About every
thing I write is returned with thanks"
"Do you know, mamma, )" said Tom
my Taddles, as he ran in from school,
that there are microbes in the drink
ing water?'' care there?" replied the
good old lady. e'I should think they'd
get drowned"
Sammie- Papa, don't you think a
fish knows how much it weighs? Papa
No. Don't ask such foolish ques-
ton. Sammie-I don't think it's fool
ish, papa, because, you know, fish
has it's own scales "
A young society belle of Winchester
told one of her gentlemen callers
few evenings since that her health
had greatly improved since taking
Delsarte. He wisely asked, ''Do you
take it internally or rub it on?''
Lady visitor Gin newspaper office
There's one thing about printing
that l should dearly love to know.
Foreman-What is it? Lady-Tell me,
how do the compositors manage to
dot the is and cross the It's when they
are putting the types together?
'I wouldn't mind voting" observed
Mrs. Oldfash, 'Ealthough I have never
given much consideration to the sub
ject, but don't think I could ever
bring myself to vote according to the
Australian system. In Australia, [ am
told" - and she blushed painfully
'the women ride mems saddles"
Perhaps the most startling sugges-
ton for ''reminder" was that Of the
little boy whose grandmother had for
gotten his Christmas present the year
before. She wished to know what
she would do in order that she should
not sorget it again. "You might put
your teeth in upside down." said the
boy.
eve don't seem to have any No. -
collars" said the haberdasher, after
looking through his stock. 'People
how. Won't No. IA do just as welI?'
''I think not" stif1y ans severed the
young man on the outside Of the coun-
ter. II may have a little neck, but
am not a clam.''
The King of Portugal, when he APP
peared in public in London recently,
wore the orders of the Garter, of
Christ, of the Tower and Sword of
Santiago, and of Our Lady Of Villa
Vicosa. Whereupon the irreverent
American, who happened to be pres
eut, said that he looked like bargain
counter on "ribbon" day.
-lzze szzz------
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Husband Wife, you are very re-