The St. Johns herald., 1896-06-13
A MEAN REVENGE.

I had rung the bell until I was tired and out of patience, and then called for him until was out of breath, and etill he did not come.
 If you want to know who am, allow me to inform you that my name is George Boomerang, better known in Frazedona, where reside, as Captain Boomerang, late of the army. am a man of considerable wealth, own the finest house in town and keep, or did keep, a man by the name of Sam, whose duty it was to brush my clothes, hat and boots and adjust my leg.
 I refer to wooden leg. The original leg ran against cannon ball during our late unpleasantness, and I have never seen it since.
 We'll, it was Sam's duty to take that wooden leg off at night and to be on hand in the morning to put it on before I got out of bed, and now you know why was yelling, "Sam Sam Sam l"
 And when inform you that this was the morning of my wedding day perhaps you can imagine how anxious was to get on to my legs as soon as possible.
 "Yes, ma 'am, was the lucky fellow that had walked into the affections-on wooden leg too-of the handsomest girl in Frazedona and was that day to lead her to the altar. But must get my leg on first, and, as Sam wouldn't or couldn't come, rolled out of bed and went hopping around on one foot to find my leg.
 Now, my dear reader, when the sur geon trimmed my stump after that little affair with the cannon ball he sawed it off uncommonly short, so perhaps you can faintly imagine my feeling when, after hopping around my room, found what I supposed to be my leg, but, upon attempting to adjust it, discovered that it was intended to go on below the knee.
 "Do wooden legs shrink? That's just what I want to know" said I. And then I rang the bell and called "Sam I"
 We'll, Samuel didn't come, but my housekeeper, Mrs. Bloom, did.
 "Mrs. Bloom," I cried, "where is Sam?"
 She answered me through the keyhole of the door. ''He left the house last night about II o'clock. Took his trunk with him, and said he was gong to leave town by the midnight train. ''
 I couldn't understand it at first. I had always used Sam well, paid him good wages, and he had seemed perfect ly contented with his situation, and served me faithfully until now.
 Suddenly an idea struck me, and the whole cause of Sam's perfdy was re- vealed to me.
 By heavens, it is SlympkinsW I yelled. "Slympkins is the cause of all my woe He bribed Sam to steal my leg on this my wedding day and leave this insufficient prop ill place of it. y
 Jim Slympkins is or was my rival. He is the only son of his father, who, by the way, is the most wealthy gentle man in Frazedona. Consequently Jim doesn't do anything but smoke cieaES, drive round town behind his splendid grays, anG devote himself to the ladies generally.
 rather had the advantage of Slymp- kins. To be sure, Slympkins had or was expecting to have much more wealth than I could boast of, but he hadn't my face, you know, or anything like it.
 was sorry for Slmypkins, but, hang it, my dear sir, what could do? If he had chosen Miss Short, Miss Ginx, Miss Broad, or. in fact, any one but Miss Amelia Seymour, it would have been we'll. But it was really absurd for Slympkins to suppose that I would al- low him or any other man to marry Amelia-at least while I had a wooden leg.
 would have given Slympkins any thing in reason, but it was truly ridicu- lous for him to think that would give him Amelia. told her so, and then folded her to my breast, and she folded me to her breast, and I allowed her to sip the hCney from my ruby lips.
 Yes, had won her, and poor Slymp- kins was fairly wild with rage. He had sworn to be revenged, but laughed at his threats
 Twas seated at the breakfast table sip ping my coffee half an hour afterward when Mrs. Bloom came running ID, cry ing:
 "Oh, captain, know all abcat itP'
 "What, the leg?''
 "Yes, think so: My daughter Eliza says she saw MT. Slympkins give Sam some money last night.
 "Yes, know it was Slympkins.
 "More than that. Sam was married last night to Miss Seymour's maid, and they went off together by the 12 o'clock train. ''
 "But, my dear woman," said I. "I don't care anything about whom he has married or where he has gone. The question is, Has he carried my leg with him!'
 "Why, I'm sure don't know"
 "Well, that is just what want to know, ma am. This isn't time for trifing. You must remember that 1 am