davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
The Newspaper Man.

The newspaper man has some
friends that the world knows not of;
or if it does it finds them out accident
ally.
There is the old subscriber who
reads the paper religiously, lives by
1t, swears by it and will die its friend
and supporter. His children read to
each other from its columns; they
read the lads and all. When that
paper says thing is so, he is firmly
convinced of its truth. He knows it
is just so, and you had as we'll under
take to put the rock of Gibralter on a
wheelbarrow and cart it across the
Atlantic as to move him from his
opinion. If his paper stated that when
the flood subsidized the ark rested on
the top of sassafras stump, he would
not rest until he had harmonized the
statement with the facts as set forth
in his family Bible.
And then there is the fellow who
asks to have his paper stopped be-
cause he takes more than he can read
Very often the fact is he can't read
much. More often he thinks It would
be less expensive to borrow it of his
neighbor than to getit direct from the
office. always feel sorry for his
neighbor when nan stops his paper.
Another friend whom the editor sets
high estimate on, is the farmer who
always comes up to pay his subscrip-
ton every year when he pays his
taxes. That's business.
Another occasional character is the
man who doesn't subscribe, but comes
in every week and buys copy of the
paper. That's extravaganza.
Sometimes a fellow stops his paper
because the editor said something that
didn't exactly coincide with his pre-
conceived notions. That's foolishncss.
Usually on his list there are a few
persons who tell him what they think
OF the paper. If it has said something
good they put their hand in that OF
the editor and say so. That's right.
Sometimes an unsanctifed soulwill
take the paper for years and then or
der it stopped without paying for it.
That's rascally rascality.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
Wanted It G. O. ID.

The Philadelphia Press tells of a
young lady who walked into a store
and after selecting piece of cloth
asked what it was worth.
-Four kisses per yard" said the
polite clerk.
The young lady stood abashed foi
a moment and replied that she would
take four yards.
The cloth was cut off, nicely wrapped
up, and handed to the tair purchaser,
who received it with smile and said
Send the bill around to my grand.
mother; she will settle it."
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
OF
the knife!

no one who has not been through the
ORDEAL can possibly have any eouceu
ton OF the terrible fear and dread oecaz
stoned by the anticipation Of surgical
operation. Well grounded, too, pef-
hapss IN majority of cases, for the Keen
blade Of the surgeon is too often used
indiscreetiy. and where it cannot poSSf-
bly, do any good.
It IS little less than folly to submit
20 surgical operation for a disease eff
the Dlood. and such a course always
proves either fatal or useless.
MIR. Lincoln Nelson, Of IFG1ville, No.
had an interesting experience with the
doctors recently, and was Oh the verge
Of painful surgical operation. He
writes: 81 hereby add my unqualified
endorsement of your excellent remedy.
S. S. $. For six years I have been
sufferer from a scrofuious affection oil
the glands Of my neck. and al efforts 81
physicians in Washington, u C..
Springfield, I'll. and St Louis, failed ID
reduce the enlargement After six
months constant treatment here fay
physician urged fne to submit to a re-
moval Of the gland. At this critical mo-
ment q friend recommended s s. S..
and laying aside a deeperooted prem.
dice against all patent medicines. ] be-
gan its use. Before I had asea enc h5t4
tie the enlargement began to diSanpear.
and now it IS entirely gone though ana
not through with my second bottle yet.
Had only used your S. S. $. long age,
would have escaped years of misery
and saved over $rso. II this endorse
ment viii serve you in any way use il =
This experience is like tliat ot all who
suffer with dcepseatetg hlnod troubles,
The doctors eau do no good. ard even
their resorts to the knife prove either
fruitless or fatal, S S. S. ii tie only
real blood remedy. it gets At The root OF
the disease and forces Ii cut pernia
nently.
Cancer Is another disease for which
the doctors at once resort to the knife.
and there has never been a case cured
by an operation. s. S. s. has maids
some wonderful cures OF Cancer, full &c
counts of which will be sent out upon
application.
S. S. S. is q blood remedy for real
blood troubles. it cures the most ohsgi-
nate cases Of Scrofula, Eczema, Caucet.
Rheumatism, etc, which other so=cailed
blood remedies fail to touch. S. s. ST.
gets at the root of the disease and forces
il out permanently Valuable books
will be sent free to any address by the
Swift Specific Co., Atlanta, Georgia.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
Printers Lingo.

Many people are not aware that
printers have a language of their own
almost unintelligiblc to the uninitia-
ted. The following gives an idea q
the printing Office lingo: Billy. put
George Washington on the galley and
finish that murder you commenced
yesterday. Set up the ruins of Her
culaneum and distribute smallpox.
Lock up Jeff Davis and slide Bob In
gersol into the hell box and leave the
pi alone till after dinner. Put the
lady's form to press and go to the
devil and put him to work on Deacon
Fogg's article on Eternal Punish
ment. " Now this is all sim pie
enough when translated into English.
and not near so rough as the reader
may imagine.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

"Why don't you run a paper like
that" said a merchant to publisher,
throwing down blanket sheet daily.
why don't yourun store like that?'
said the publisher of the country sheet
as he turned the paper over and point
ed to full page advertisement that
brought the publisher $3.50 an issue.
just then the country publisher pre-
sented bill of S. and the merchant
began to talk of economizing, discon-
tinuing his advertisement and stop
ping his paper. He did both. and the
sheriff is now doing his advertising
for him. Eek.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

The Wheeling Register says that
''never in the history of the Demo
cratic party in this State has there
been so large an attendance of party
leaders at session of the State Exc
cutive Committee as was present in
this city to-day"
No fewer than 80 of the tried and
true were there. Senator Faulkner,
Clarence Smith, John T. McGraw,
Governor MacCorkle, Charley Wells,
Col. T. S. Riley. John A Howard were
the leading lights.
Judge Dan. Lucas, E. Willis Will
son, John J. Davis, John oh! Pendle-
ton and many others were conspicu-
Gus by reason of their absence.
"On motion of Rankin Wiley, the
chairman was instructed to take imme-
date steps looking to the organiza-
ton of the party
The chairman should by all means
give that most important matter his
immediate attention.
"On motion of Col. McCraw, the
treasurer was authorized to collect
funds"
Funds are absolutely essential if
John I. is to be drafted into service
again.
ION motion of the same gentleman,
the chairman was instructed to secure
the cooperation of the State Advisory
Committee, and also of the West Vir-
ginia member of the National Com
mittee in the work of organization. y
John knows the importance of CO
operation and also realizes that it is
bad politics to leave Senator Faux
ner out of the game.
Having gotten through with the
business in hand several gentlemen
talked. Senator Faulkner was one of
the number and he was listened to
with marked attention. Among
other things he said that the present
Congress is incompetent and that the
Republicans have complete control
of the legislative machinery"
When the Senator will demonstrate
mechanically or otherwise that al
is majority of 50 then his statement
will be accepted. Until then we fear
he may have trouble to convince the
"antis" that he is sincere.
But it was reserved, for Col. Clar-
ence L. Smith, of Fairmont, to hit
the nail on the head. He said: what
we need is to forget all past differ
ences, to go into the convention with
determination to stand by the result
oft, even though it declares for WEIGH
tin money and tariff on snow, and
then go to the polls and vote the tick
ct straight. There is no question
about our ability to carry the State.
All we need is to quit this everlasting
quarrelling among ourselves and
unite as party men for party success.
That is just what the Herald has
been trying to beat into their brains.
There is no glory in trouncing crowd
that is always yammering at each
other. We want the lines sharply
drawn and then when the battle is
over and rousing, overwhelming
victory perches on the banner of the
Republican hosts as it will, just SO
sure as November comes, we will hear
no more of the everlasting racket that
they were defeated because ofdivisions
in their ranks.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
AN ESSAY ON MAN.

Nan that IS born OF woman IS o.
few days and full of microbes.
He hoppeth out of bed in the morn
ing and his foot is pierced by the tack
of disappointment.
He stitch down to rest at MONDAY
and is stabbed in the neither anatomy
by the pin of disaster.
He walketh through the streets OF
the city in the pride and glory of his
manhood and slippeth on the banana
peel of misfortune and unjointeth his
neck.
| He smoketh the cigar of content
ment. and behold it explodeth with a
loud noise, for it was loaded.
He slippeth down the bauisters OF
life and findeth them full of splinters
of torture.
He lieth down at night and is stung
by the mosquitoes of annoyance and
his frame is gnawed by the bedbugs
of adversely.
What is man but the blind worm oil
fate?
Behold, he is impaled on the hook
of despair, and furnisheth bait for the
leviathan Death, in the fathomless
ocean of time.
Sorrow and travail follow him all
the days of his life.
In his infancy he is afflicted with
worms and collie, and in his old age
with rheumatism and ingrowing nails.
He marryeth cross-eyed woman
because her father is rich, and findeth
she has not sense enough to try meat.
His father-in-law then monkeyed
with options and goes under.
What is man but tumor on the
neck of existence?
He playeth the races, and betteth
his all on the brown mare because he
has received tip.
The sorrel gelding with a bald face
winneth by neck.
Behold he runneth for Office and
the dead-beat pullsth his leg ever and
anon, and then goeth and voteth
against him.
He so exalted himself among his
people that he swelleth with pride,
but when the votes were counted he
| hndeth his name is Mud.
He boosted of his strength in Israel.
but is beaten by bald headed man
from Taylor Neck.
He goeth forth to breathe the fresh
air and mediate upon the vanity OF
all earthly things, and is accosted by
bank cashier with sight draft for
$327. 80.
A political enemy lieth in wait for
him at the market place, and walketh
around him Growing like cock.
What is man but pimple on the
face of politics?
He trusteth man who claims to be
filled with righteousness and standeth
high in the synagogue, and gets done
| up.
For behold his pious friend is full OF
guile and runneth over with deception.
From the cradle to the grave man
giveth his cheeks to the man that
smiteth him.
Verify, man is but wart on the
nose of nature; bunion on the toes
of time; and a freckle on the face of
the universe.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

1t is said that women who go into
business life have not only greater
chance of marriage than girls who
stay at home, but greater prospects Of
happiness afterward. The reason al
legged is that they make the acquaint-
ance of the class of men who make.
as rule, good husbands that is, in
dustrious, intelligent, Woodworking
men Of business. Moreover, adds the
Atlanta Constitution, working with
them day by day, each has a more
than usually good opportunity of dis
covering the others real character. SO
that there is less risk of disillusion-
ment after marriage Elk.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

You know, said fhe lady who viii
sincere ardor desires only the best for
the human race that dog will npF
touch whisky"
Colonel Kyahter passed Iris band ever
his brow IN troubled way, and gaid
Madam, de- Jon nzean to tell n9
that anybody was evah guilty q such
outrageous extravaganza IS 50 ofkaA
whisky to q dog = Washington Star.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

A Paulina Qa.) special says: The
largest price paid for single hog in
the United States sSoo+-was brought
by King Medium at the recent sale oil
the herd Of Poland Chinas on ]. A.
Benson's farm, in Summit township.
O'Brien County. The rest Of the herd,
40 in number, brought total Of S28oo,
or an average Of SO a head.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

II am SIRE do not feel day oder
than did when / came eut, said Aisa
eevcuxeasona and / didn't thlnk 4
locked any older. Bat Of late hava 90.
ticed that the young men who are bay
ing trouble with their sweethearss Pill
seem to drift to me- % tell thsix EsE-
rows. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
RUPTURE CURED AT HOME.

If you suffer from rupture in any OF
its various forms and desire TO be re-
lieved, you can learn how to be cured
by naming this paper and addressing
F. Fl. MERRICK, Huntington, w. Va.
He will send full particulars free. IS
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

A dentist of note has been expert
menting to determine the power Of
the human jaw and has found it to
possess lifting power of from sixty
to one hundred pounds. That's moth
ing. This town has little woman
who frequently sends her husband, a
man of one hundred and eighty
pounds, out through the front door
and clear into the street with her
jaw.-Shippensburg Chronicle.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
DoN'Ts FOR YOUNG MEN.


Don't pose at a reception.
Don't relate anecdotes Of yourself.
Don't use, at any time. slang phras-
les.
Don't wear diamond studs in the
daytime.
Don't wear your hat on the side Of
your head.
Don't say sir or ma'am when an
swering people.
Don't extend your visit unless
pressed to do so.
Don't wear your overshoes in the
drawingroom.
Don't make first call longer than
twenty minutes.
Don't discuss religion or politics at
a dinner party.
Don't fail in courtesy to old ladies'.
or even to old men.
Don't refuse an invitation, however
irksome it may appear.
Don't entertain your friends with
all your woes and mishaps.
Don't accept any invitation unless
your hostess is included.
Don't correct the children of your
hostess. Mothers resent this.
Don't leave your belongings any
where but in your own room.
Don't, ifacting as an escort to a
lady, arrive late. Be on time.
Don't tip your hat to woman, but
raise it with a dignified air.
Don't use toothpicks at the table.
It is breach of good manners.
Don't wear creaking shoes. 1t
makes noise and is disturbing.
Don't smoke in presence Of women
unless permission is asked.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

On the Riviera, -She-I wonder
what makes the Mediterranean look
SO blueo'
He-You'd look blue if you had to
wash the shores of Italy!--Punch.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

After waiting half an hour for the
contracting parties to turn up at q
swell wedding in Providence Or. u
church last week. the organist, having
played most everything ne knew, f.
nally. with keener sense Of the feel
ings of the congregation than OF the
prophecies. played, "Oh, Dearl What
Can the Matter Be 9"-N. Y. Sun.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
ARRIYALs.
f1 DAY y AGENTS

get ricn and who has q
little enterprise can secure SO q day In the
Dish Washer business IL is boom ing now
Everybody wants a Climax NOWADAYS One
agent cleared $50 every day for year; a good
chance; best Dish Washer made; no solicit.
ing; Dish Washers sold at home: permanent
position in town. city. or country. One mil
ion 10 be sold. A wide-awake hustler can
. lear SIS TO SO day easy; washes and dries
In two minutes.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

Sixty years ago it required five days
time to make the. journey from Phil
adelphia to Pittsburg The electric
locomotive threatens to make 4 IN
five hours.
Despiteits feminine name, Affection,
Wis, is the only town in the country
without one woman inhabitan. Its
population Is about 100.
A man is seldom 50 absent-minded
that he forgets who the people are
that owe him small sums of money.
-SummerviIle Journal.
RI the old fellows were as wild when
young as they claim to have been,
how much better the world has grown.
The officials of the health depart
ment Of Brooklyn have restricted the
churches from ringing their bells.
tits estimated that In 1896 West
Virginia win sell over 10000, 900
worth of lumber. slaves and ties.
The school population in West Viz
ginia is now given as ~. 800.
III often better to Be silent than
sarcastic.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

What is that dreadful grooming in
the museum"
"The sword-swallower got a tooth
brush bristle down his throat. !,
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
THE MAILS.
ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE Of THE MAILS
AT THE PosT-oFFIcE AT MARTINsBURG


AT THE PosT-oFFIcE AT MARTINsBURG
W. VA.
DEPARTURES.
Mail close at 10:40 a. m. for Hagers
town, and all points east.
AT 8 20 a. m. and 5 and z D. m, fol
Washington, Baltimore. Philadelphia
NewYork and all points East and South
At s 55 D. m. for all points East.
At 20 p. m. for Pittsburg and all 10.
cal and through points West.
AT up. m. for Hancock, Berkeley
Springs, Cumberland. and principal 10
cal stations on the main stem of the B
& o. and all through points West.
At % p. m. for Pittsburg and all
places West.
At 2 45 a. m. and 2 40 p. m. for Hag
erstow q, Baltimore and all intermediate
stations on @. V. r. R
At IL a. M. and 6 40 p. m. for Win
chester and intermediate stations CD thu
G. V. r. r.
ARRIVALS.
Mails arrive by a. m. from all through
points East. West, and South
At 8 % a. m. from New York. Phila-
delphia, Baltimore. Washington. and
local points on old line of b &. o. R. r
At 2 and 5 40 p. N. from all points
East and South.
At $50 a. N. from Louis, Cincinnati
and intermediate points.
At 20 pm from Chicago, Wheeling
Pittsburg, and intermediate points.
AT 8 Is am. and 90 p. m. from Win
chester and intermediate stations on the
C. V.R. r.
at IL 80 a. m. and z 10 p. m. from
Harrisburg, Hagerstown, and interme
date stations on the G. V. r. r.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

District conventions will be held at
Clarksburg, Davis, Hinton, and Point
Pleasant, June II.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

The canning factory stockholders
are quite jubilant over the fact Of ise-
ing able to declare six PER cent divi-
dend for first year after paying all ex-
penses. and have their checks for it.
They will run the factory themselves
this year and predict bigger divi-
dend nezt year.--Ravenswcod News.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29
DEMOCRATIC WAKE.
The Unterrified Meet at Parkersburg
And Declare "Who's Afeard?'

The Democratic State convention
will be held at Wheeling, August ~.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

WANTED-severalt trustworthy gentlemen
w or ladies to travel in West Virginia for
established. reliable house. Salary $3.50 and
expenses. Steady position. Enclose refer
ence and self addressed stamped envelope.
The Dominion Company, Third Floor, Omaha
Bldg, Chicago.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

(H AETED-Several trustwf rthy gentlemen
w or ladies 10 travel In EST Virginia for
established. reliable house. / larry $50 and
expenses. Steady position h1ciose refer
ence and seIf-addressed sfamT.ed envelona
The Dominion Company EhB-d Floor. Omaha
Bldg, Chicago.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1896-02-29

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The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-12-19
GIRLs PLAY WHIsr.

O7rom the Rehoboth Herald)
The following conversation was heard
by a waiter at ladies' club. The man
was able to use his knowledge of short
hand to take notes, having once been a
reporter. says the Rehoboth Herald.
Jane" said Marie, 1T is your lead .
why, no, answered Jane, lit is
Ida's'
NO" spoke up Ida, lit is not my lead
Susan dealt the cards
why. then, it must be my lead said
Marie: what's trumps2''
Hearts, shouted three young voices
Well there is my Lead said Marie.
playing the deuce of clubs.
But you must lead q. trump card, my
dear. cried Jane.
Yes. and lead the biggest trump you
have in your hand put in Ida, James
partner
well then here is the queen Of
hearts, said Marie
oh. you mean thing. you" exclaimed
jane that takes my king
But I viii take the trick, for have the
ace said Ida.
But remarked Susan. that is the
ace Of diamonds,
so it IS" said Ida wei, here is the
four Of hearts,
I've got the ace Of hearts" purred
Susan Does that take the trick2
''Of course it does answered Jane.
NO. it dOesn' t.. said Ida A court
card always takes another card
oh. lets stop playing. cried Marie.
YEARLY. It's no fun when there are no
men to tell You how to play"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-12-19
MOSQUE FOR NEW YORK.
of 1ohammet Plan toErec ct
a Building.

New York Dec. 19.-The doctrines of
the Koran will soon be proclaimed
from a mosque in the heart Of New
York The call for sunset prayer viii
be heard from the towering minaret
Of a Mohammedan temple. This coun-
try would not go to Mohammet, so Mo
hammet, through his disciples, Will
come TO this country.
Hasan Ben Ali, who lives at 631 Sixth
avenue, is an Arab, and has been the
chief promoter of the enterprise.
Since his arrival in America he has
been engaged in a number OF Occupa-
lions, always acting. however, as agent
for the Morocco government, having
purchased guns and ammunition fer it
at different times. In speaking of the
proposed mosque today this Arabian,
who speaks English fuently, said:
1t may not be generally known, but
there are 600 A1ohammedans in New
York. They. like myself, are fond
of their religion. As it is now we are
denied the privilege of worshiping as
we would like 1 was educated as q
priest and have had the idea Of build
ing a mosque ever since ] have been in
America. Soon / shall see the fulfill
ment of my desires Christian minis
tiers may oppose it. but we allow them
to send ministers to our country and
erect churches, and we should be al
lowed to do the same here L shall
not attempt to make prOselytes- Our
object Will be only TO give them the
opportunity of finding out the beauties
Of our holy book.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-12-19
TO DRILL CONNECTS.
Sing Sing Warden Proposes to Give
Them a Military Drill.

New York. Dec. 19.-Warden Sage of
Sing Sing prison is engaged in devising
plans to prevent the 1900 convicts in
his charge from being idle after Janu-
ar.y 1897. when all convict labor in
the different shops Of the prison is to
be abolished, in accordance with an act
Dassed by the legislature.
Some of the convicts fear they VIII
go insane if they are kept closely con
fned in their cells Warden Sage pro-
poses to put a large number of convicts
at work breaking stone for the con-
struction of new building. After
January Warden Sage will put the
convicts through drills in military tao
tics for exercise daily
The convicts viii be provided with
wooden guns. which viii be made in
the prison shops. Warden Sage, who
was formerly colonel in the national
guard. expects that the military train
ing win Increase the discipline among
the cOnVicts.