Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-10-19
FACTS AND FANCIES.

Il think my landlord is one of the
meanest men | ever met in my life
What's the matter noW?"
when he took the paper off the walls,
because he said it made the rooms
larger"
Wife. examining the bilD-''Do you
remember, my dear, how many trout
you caught last Saturday?''
Husband-"There were Just twelve:
all beauties Why?''
Wife-"The fishmonger has made a
mistake; he only charges for half a
dozen" -Tid-Bits.
PSALM OF THE CONFIDENCE MEN.
Lives of Reubens all remind us
We can make existence pay;
Let us then be up and doing
Every one that comes our way.
Kansas City World.
No Trouble to Show Goods-The larg-
est living lady, from the neighboring
gist's show case. ''You don't seem to
have the kind of face wash I'm used to
buying she said, turning away.
We've got some giant powder in the
back room, ma am" replied the new
clerk, fearful he was about to lose a
sale.-Chicago World.
A falling off in the membership Of the
Salvation army can now be anticipated.
The army in New York has adopted the
bicycle in its crusade against sin.-Nor-
ristoWn Herald.
Il was just talking with Biffs, the
pugilist."
'Biffs? Lemme see Biffs. He is
heavyweight, isn't he?"
Heavyweight nothing. He is an ex-
IRENE lightweight Doesn't fight above
a whisper. indianapolis Journal.
''Did you divide your bonbons with
your little brother, Mollie?' Eyes, ma;
| ate the candy and gave him the mot
toes. You know he is awfully fond Of
reading. Chicago Inter Ocean.
The younger Dumas was very fond of
j. Ii. DOdSOn, and once told the admir-
able comedian how he had gone for adj
vice to his father as to how he should
write Camille" The author of '"The
Three Musketeers" said: make your
first act as good as you possibly can"
Yes. said his son, s'and then?" "And
them replied the elder Dumas, ''make
all the others BETTER
COULDN'T RESIST.
Poor Lots wife turned to salt, alas!
Her fate was most unkind;
No doubt she only wished to see
How hung her skirt behind.
Kansas City World.
-''They say that Charley
Clara-''Nonsense! I wouldn't be seen
in his company"
Maude-"I suppose that is the reason
why you always turn the light down
when he calls. Boston Transcript
''Poor manv' exclaimed the prison mis-
sionary, to whom the sheriff's guest had
been relating a tale of woe; your life
seems to have been one unbroken series
of misfortunes."
''Yes,' sighed the fallen one. IT have
had many trials. Buffalo Courier.
81 have been reading Robinson Crusoe
again." said the literary boarder. do
you remember how he hewed out the
planks for his hut-one plank from each
log?' eyes" replied the cheerful idiot.
take it all in ALL | guess he worked
about as hard for his board as any one
on record" indianapolis Journal.
THE PILE.
The nobleman's ancestral pile
Has crumbled to decay,
But still he has the pile of his
Wife's papa, U. S. A.
Detroit News-Tribune.
Envy.-tirst Tramp-'Did yer see Ii
Hung Change" Second Tramp-"Yes.
1t was touching sight to see a man
what kin git carried when he don't feel
like walkin'. Puck.
Chicago Girl-"Would you marry him
if you were in my shoes?'
New York Girl-"If | wanted to keep
house in them. Town Topics.
HYR, HYR!
young man by the name Of st Cyr
Told his friends he'd drink not for a yyr.
1t was very much sooner
He was caught with a schooner.
Said he: 'Oh, didn't mean byr!'
Indianapolis Journal.
Jones-"Well, Bridget, why are you
leaving? Can't you and your mistress
agree?"
Bridget (sorrowfully)- "Ah, Wis, in
dade, soir, but Oh can't bear the polace
mon on this bate."-Up to Date.