The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-03-07
What II I died under itr'

of a married man, and / knew there
were few of my intimate friends but
would find my death chiefly trouble
some on account of their duty of re.
greet. 1 was surprised indeed, and per
haps little Inundated, as 1 turned
the matter over. to think how few could
possibly exceed the conventional re-
quirement.
The surgeons were already preparing
for the operation.
The activity of the doctors stirred me
UP a little. i began to take a more per-
sonal interest I'm the proceedings. Had
don moved the little octagonal table
close to the bedside, and with his broad
black back to me began taking things
out of his bag. L heard the light click
of steel upon steel. My imagination.
j found, was not altogether stag
nant.
will you hurt me much?" said I,
speaking in an off-hand tone.
Not a Bit" Haddon answered over
his shoulder. We shall chloroform
you. Your hearts as sound as a bell
AS he spoke. had a Whit of the pun
gent sweetness OF chloroform.
They stretched me out, exposing my
side in a convenient position, and, al
most before i realized what was hap
pening. the chloroform was being adj
ministered. II stings the nostrils, and
there is a suffocating sensation at first
Il
end of consciousness for me. And I
suddenly felt 1 was not prepared for
death. / had a vague sense of a duty
overlooked-I knew not what. What
was IL l had not done? / could think
of nothing more to dc, nothing more
desirable left in life; and yet / had the
strangest Discrimination to die. And the
physical sensation was painfully OPP
pressive. OF course the doctors did not
know they were going to kill me. Pos
sibly / struggled. Then / fell motion
less and a great silence. monstrous
silence, and an impenetrable blackness
came upon me.
There must have been an interval of
absolute Inconsistencies. seconds or
minutes. Then, with chilly, unemo-
tional clearness j perceived that j was
not yet dead. / was still in my body.
but all the multitudinous sensations
that came sweeping from 1t to make up
the background of consciousness had
gone. leaving me free of it all. No, not
all; for as yet something still held me
to the poor stark body upon the bed
held me, but not so closely that / did
not feel myself external to II. indie
pendent of it, straining away from it.
l do not think 1 saw: do not think
i heard; but / perceived all that was
going on, and II was as IL heard and
saw. Haddon was bending over me,
Mowbray behind him, the scalpel-it
was a large scalpel-was cutting my
flesh at the side under the flying ribs.
1t was interesting to watch curious to
see myself cut like cheese. without a
pang, without even a qualm. The in
terest was much of a quality with that
one might feel in a game of chess be-
tween strangers. Haddons face was
firm and his hand steady, but / was
surprised to perceive chow I know now
that he was feeling the gravest doubt
af hts wisdom In ha
ton.
Mowbray's thoughts. too, could see.
He was thinking that Haddon's man
ner was too indicative of the conscious
superiority of a specialist. New sug-
gestions came up like bubbles through
a stream of frothing meditation, and
burst one after another in the little
bright spot of his consciousness. He
could not help noticing and admiring
Haddon's swift dexterity, in spite OF
his current OF envy and his disposition
10 detract. L saw my liver exposed.
The "caudate lobe" thought I. 1T is
called the caudate lobe in the rabbit
but whether IL is so I'm man do not
Know" i know quite clearly that had
never heard the lobe named by a medi-
cal anatonomist
was puzzled at my own condition
did not feel that / was dead, but was
different in some way from my living
weighed on me for a year or more and
colored all my thoughts was gone.
perceived and thought without any
emotional tint at all / wondered IL
every one perceived things in this way
under chloroform. and forgot IL again
on awakening. 1t would be inconven-
lent to look into some heads and not
forget
Although l did not think / was dead
i still perceived quite clearly that | was
presently to die. This brought me back
TO the sight OF Haddon-s proceedings
j looked into his mind and saw that he
was afraid of cutting branch OF the
portal vein. My attention was dis
tracted from the details of the opera
tion by the curious changes going on in
his mind. His consciousness was like
the quivering little spot of light thrown
by the mirror Of a galvanometer His
thoughts ran under il like a stream,
some through the focus, bright and dis
tinct. some shadowy. i'm the half light
of the edge. Just now the little glow
was steady, but the lightest movement
on Mowbray's part, the slightest sound
from outside. even a slight difference
in the slow motion of the living flesh he
was cutting. set the spot of light shiv-
ering and spinning.
A new sense-impression came rushing
up through the flow OF thoughts, and
10, the little light jerked away towards
IL. swifter than a frightened fish IL
was wonderful to think that upon that
unstable, fitful thing depended all the
complex conscious motions of the man.
that for the next five minutes there
from my life hung upon its movements.
And he was growing more and more
nervous in his work; IL was as IL a little
picture OF cut vein grew brighter and
strove to GUST from his brain another
picture of cut falling short of tho
mark. He was afraid-he had an equal
dread OF cutting too little and cutting
too far.
Then, suddenly. like a rush of water
from under a lock gate a great uprush
OF horrible realization set all his
thoughts swirling, and simultaneously
l perceived that the vein was cut. He
started back with hoarse exclamation
and saw the brown-purple blood
gather in swift bead and run trick
ling. He was Mortified. He pitched the
red-stained scalpel on to the octagonal