The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1896-03-04
Bill Nye's HumOr.

Two excellent examples of Nye's
drollery, which won him recognition as
humorirt when he was struggling to
make some progress in the world at
Laramie, are his Lett RS of acceptance
and resignation of the postmastership
in Laramie. The letter of acceptance
was as follows:
"OFFICE OF DAILY BOOMERANG,
Laramie City, Wyo, Aug. 8, 1882.
"My dear Generdl:-I have received
by telegraph the news of my nOmina-
ton by the president and my confrma-
ton by the senate as postmaster at
Laramie, and wish to extend my thanks
for the same. l have ordered an en-
tirely new set of boxes and post-office
outfit, including new corrugated cuspi-
doris for the lady clerks, who chew gum.
81 look upon the appointment, my
self, as a great triumph of eternal truth
over error and wrong. 1t is one of the
epochs, | may say, in the nations on
ward march toward political purity and
perfection. / do not know when
have noticed any stride in the affairs of
state which 50 thoroughly impressed
me with it's wisdom.
W
same department, l trust you will not
feel shy or backward in consulting me
at any time relative to matters concern
ing post office affairs. Be perfectly
frank with me and feel perfectly free
to bring anything of that kind right to
me. Do not feel reluctant because l
may at times appear naughty and in
different, cold or reserved. Perhaps
you do not think l know the difference
between general delivery window and
a three EN- quad, but that is mistake.
MY general information is far beyond
my years.
with profoundest regard and a
hearty endorsement of the president
and the senate, whatever it may be,
remain, sincerely yours,
BILL NYE, p. M.
"To General Frank Hdtton,
Washington, d. c."
The letter of resignation was entitled
A Resign" and was as followst
"PosT-OFFIcE DIvAN,
Laramie City, wyo. October, 1883. !
TO the President of the United
States: SIR beg leave at this time
to officially tender my resignation as
postmaster at this place, and in due
form to deliver the great seal and the
key to the front door of the office. The
safe combination is set on the numbers
33, GO and SO, though l do not remem-
Der at this moment which comes first,
or how many times you revolve the
knob, or which direction you should
turn it at first in order 10 make it oper-
ate.
"There is some mining stock in my
private drawer in the safe, which /
have not yet removed. This stock you
ury, but you may have it. / have de-
cided to keep horse instead of this
mining stock. The horse may not be
80 pretty, but it will cost less to keep
him.
you will find the postal cards that
have not been used under the dis
tributipg table, and the coal down in
the cellar. If the stove draws too hard
close the damper in the pipe, and shut
the general delivery window.
Looking over my stormy and event
full administration as postmaster here,
find abundant cause for thanksgiving
AT the time l entered upon the duties
of my office the department was not
yet on paying basis. 1t was not even
self-sustaining. Since that time, with
The active cooperation of the chief
executive and the heads of the depart
ment, l have been able to make our
postal system paying one, and on top
of that am now able to reduce the
tariff on average-sized letters from
three cents TO two. l might add that
this is rather too too, but l will not say
anything that might seem undignified
in an official resignation which is to be-
come matter of history.
"Through all the vicissitudes of a
tempestuous term of Office / have safely
passed. | am able to turn over the
Office to-day in highly improved con-
| dition, and to present purified and
renovated institution to my successor.
acting under advice of General
II .tton, year ago, l removed the
| feather bed with which my predecessor,
Dea Hayford, had bolstered up his ad-
ministralion by stufting the window,
and substi uted glass. Finding nothing
in the book of instructions to postmas-
ters which made the feather bed part
| of my official duties, filed il away in an
obscure place, and burned it in efligy,
also, in the cleaning This act mad
dened my predecessor to such degree
ID he then and there became candi-
date for justice Of the peace on the
democratic ticket. The democratic
party was able, however, with what aid