davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Independent. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1895-1905, 1896-12-26

Hadn't you better call another
physician2' said the wife to the
young doctor who was treating her
husband. "Just for consultation,
you know" mo, ma'am," he re-
piled. my idea are confused enough
already"
The Independent. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1895-1905, 1896-12-26
Aroused.

Mr.. De Layo-There's one thing
l like about McKinley's speechs--
they have a gold ring to them.
Miss PaSsay--Yes; but there has
never been the slightest hint OF such
thing in any yours Brooklyn Life.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
Could Get q Divorce.

"Say," said the man with the correct
clothes and the bowed back and horny
hands of a farmer to the restaurant
waiter. ''have you got pig Jowl and
green's here? An buttermilk? An corn
bread? An kin l shovel the truck in
with a knife and take my coat off?''
The waiter told him he could be ac-
commodated in all particulars.
The eX-farmer removed his coat and
sat down opposite man who looked as
If he might be willing to listen, and ex-
plained
Its been two year now,'' said he
"sence we struck gas on the farm, and
l amt had a square meal sence. Been
film up on Charley horse rusies, 500
t1ay de allakazam, an all them French
dishes ever sence. That's what comes
OF marryin a woman who believes in
keepin up with the procession when you
got the price, as she puts it,
L should think you would have re-
belled long ago. said the listener.
Would, but, you see, about three
years ago | was so deep in debt that I
had to put the farm in her name. I
sneaked away today an left her at one
of them fine hotels. I'm goin' to have
an orgie of old-fashiOned vittels, sas-
prilly pop, an mebbe beer or two, an
go back an tell her what I've did, an eff
she wants to git divorce she can git it.
Old Eli will hev had his day of free
dom for few glorious hours, anyway
Fundamentals Journal
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
Beet Sugar from Abroad.

United State Consul German at Mata-
moras, Mex, reports to the state depart
ment that beet sugar is shipped from
France and Germany to New Orleans
and sold on board the Havre and Bre-
men ships to merchants in Matamoras
at 3a4 cents per pound, the freight from
New Orleans to Matamoras and all du-
ties on the same bringing the price up
to Az cents. 1t is classed as cut loaf.
hard and beautifully white, cased in
boxes of 120 pounds, carefully packed
and handled. Consul German says:
How this sugar can pay such long hauls
and undersell the same article of Ameri-
can refneries is a question. American
refined sugar, he thinks, should control
in almost every other line excepting
wines and brandies, even brown sugar.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. 1t speedily relieves irregu-
larity, suppressed or painful men
situations, weakness Of the stomach,
indigestion, bloating, leucorrhea,
womb trouble, flooding, nervous pros
tration, headache, general debility,
etc. Symptoms of Womb Troubles
are dizziness, faintness, extreme lassi-
tude, don't care" and want-to-be-
left-alone" feelings, excitability, irri-
liability, nervousness, sleeplessness,
fatulency, melancholy, or the blues"
and backache. Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegeta bic Compound will correct ali
this trouble as sure as the sun
shines. That Bearing Feeling,
carsing pain, weight, and backache, is
instantly relieved and permanently
cured by its use. It is wonderful for
Kidney Complaints in either sex.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
Steel Ceilings.

The serious accidents caused by the
falling of plaster ceilings have brought
forward ideas of metal ceilings, and
these are likely to come into general
use, especially for public buildings and
large rooms. In all buildings where wa
ter pipes run there is a possibility of
leakage Water may spread over all
the ceiling, and by its weight and soft
ening qualities loosen the entire sheet
of plaster This may be done without
suspicion of the mischief that is going
on. Cracked ceilings are less dangerous.
They rarely fall, because through the
openings the water passes away. 1t is
in a perfect ceiling that the danger lies.
A metal sheet is much safer and in adj
dition may be arranged with drainage
pipe, so that walls and rooms are freed
from all risk of damage by WATERPROOF
ular Science Monthly
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
T w FTOWER :"
Wisconsin Patents.

Patents for the following Wisconsin
inventors are reported for this week by
Erwin, Wheeler & Wheeler. IS and 80
Loan and Trust building. Milwaukee,
Wis. These attorneys will furnish the
Inventors Handbook free on request
j. r. CluxtOn. assgr. to w. c. Clark, Pc
corn-husking and fodder preparing machine,
Clinton, Wis; Miles A. Hanson, Port Wash
ington, revolving chair; Sam Isaac, Milwau-
kee syringe; K. I. Lombar. Racine, We
hicle spring; L. ]. Monahan and J. D. Ter
maat. Oshkosh. gas and gasoline engine; l..
G. Urban, assgr., Milwaukee, Caryacrol-
iOdid l.. Weshan. assgr, Milwaukee, neck
tie retaining device
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
A Successful Doctor.

We take pleasure in calling your atten-
ton to the advertisement of DR.. Marsh,
Quincy, Mich, with regard to his cure for
the opium and morphine habit to be found
in another column of this paper. The Doe
tor has been engaged for twenty-five years
in this speciality, and is well and tavorably
known for the cures he has made of these
habits We take pleasure in commencing
him to any and all who need his services,
having been personally acquainted with
him for the past twenty-five years. Free
trial on annlicatiOn.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
Mrs. WfrsEow's sooTK1Na SYRUP for chill.
dren teethtng, softens the gums. reduces inham,
ma ton .allays pain cures wind collie 25ca bottle

Mr.. J. T. Jones, who lives in
Sharpsburg, Ky, in an interview
with Mr.. j. G. Nelson, editor and -
proprietor Of the Bath County
World, published at Sharpsburg, ,
KY, on the Oath Of May, 1895, said;
II attribute all disorders of the
system to the stomach; when the
stomach is all right, we are we'll
and happy. For long time l
suffered from the worst form Of
habitual constipation. Sleepless-
ness and nervousness set in, and at
times | was SO melancholy and out
of sorts that life was a burden.
An advertisement in our local paper
induced me to give Ripans Tabules
trial. did so. The first box
made decided change for the
better, and six boxes nave COM
pletely cured me. | can say for
Ripans Tabules, it is, in my opinion,
the best medicine for constipation
on earth. 1t accomplished for me
what all other remedies failed to
do. l am all right now-sleep well
and life is worth living. | believe
the Tabules put my stomach in
shape, and the stomach did the rest
My general health is better than it
was for years previous.
(SigneO 81. T. JONES'"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
A Ten-Thousand-Year Clock,

Herr A. Noli of Berlingen, Germany,
has invented a clock that will run TO-
600 years without being wound up after
it is once set going. 1t is also provided
with hands which will correctly point
to all the changes of the moon, days of
the week, month, etc. from now until
the end of the year II 800 A. D.-St.
TOriS ReDuhlic
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
Forgot Something.

NJ. Jacobs. a prominent merchant, has
almost completed a dwelling house built
according to his own designs. The
painters are just winding up their part
of the work This morning the amateur
architect discovered that in his new
$1,000 residence he failed to make any
provisions for a fireplace, fiue or chin
ney.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
ThR IIadiaaA

The pleasant effect and perfect safety
with which ladies may use the California
liquid laxative, Syrup of Figs under all
conditions, makes it their favorite rem
edy. To get the true and genuine arti-
Gle, look for the name of the California
Fig Syrup Co., printed near the bottom
of the package
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
Bad for Poles.

Every telegraph pole in the remote dis
tricts OF Norway has to be continually
watched on account of the bears. which
have mania for climbing the poles and
sitting on the cross-beams, swaying
backward and forward until the pole
finally falls.-Weekly Telegraph.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Every man having beard should
keep it an even and natural color, and if
it is not SO already, use Buckingham S
Dive and appear tidy.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Ladies Bicycle Suits, Gentlemen's
Sweaters. Bicycle, Hose, Leggins, etc.
Popular Prices always. A postal with
your name and address will bring you
our new illustrated catalogue.
ESPENHAIN DRY GOODS CO.,
Milwaukee, Wis
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Commissioner of Public Works Col
lis of New York will not permit the
street paving to be torn up for the pur-
pose of laying pipes and wires oftener
than once a wear
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

The latest bicycle story relates to the
pretty daughter of a distinguished mem
Der of Congress. The young woman was
anxious to learn to ride the wheel. Her
mother objected. Her father objected.
A young man much interested in her and
a frequent visitor at the house objected
She lightly put aside all the objections
urged and announced that she must have
a wheel and that she intended to Join
Il club. Finally, the mother conferred
with the young man. He had, as she
thought. very effective gift of ridicule.
She appealed to him to use that She
felt confident that if he would exert him
self III that way the young woman could
be brought around.
The young man was greatly fattercd
and agreed to try what ridicule could be
made to do. On his next visit he went
at the subject in the mothers presence
with his sharpest weapons. He de-
scrlbed the fat woman on bicycle, and
the lean woman on bicycle: touched up
all sorts and conditions of falls; referred
to the bicycle face and the bicycle
shoulder, in fact, ran the whole gamut
of bicycle jokes.
The mother was greatly amused. She
affected to stop him at times. He must
remember, she told him, that her daugh-
ter was thinking of learning to ride.
But the thing was overdone. The
daughter saw through the trick soon
after the ridicule began. She kept her
peace, but with gradually rising color
The young man closed by saying that for
his part, while he had been tempted to
try the bicycle, he had decided TO wait
for the flying machine.
Il don't think you need wait for the
flying machine" observed the young
woman.
MOI inquired the young man.
No, indeed. You are goose enough to
fly without a machine"
The story ends with the foiling of the
villains and the reward of wit When
the father heard of the trick and the re-
tort, he withdrew his objection, bought
the young woman a wheel, and now she
belongs to a club and is a hard rider
New York Tribune.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

'Ah! Tom, there is no greater charm
than a peach-bloOm complexion, such as
the young lady had we heard extollng
Glenn's Sulphur Soap"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Buy ST worth Dobb ms Floating Borax Soap Of your
grocer. send wrappers to Dohbins soap Mfg Co.. Phil
adelphia Pa. They will send free Of charge, post
paid Worcester Pocket Dictionary. 29S pages cloth
bound profusey illustrated. Offer good TIL only
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Ladies' Milne Gold Belts, Plain and
Enameled Buckles. at 25c each. Enam-
eled Shirt Waist Sets in Turuuois.
Hello, Pink and White, at 19c set. Send
for spring and summer illustrated cata-
logue.
ESPENHAIN DRY GOODS CO..
Milwaukee, Wis
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Ladies' Stock Bows, Band Ties, in
black and all colors; easily mailed, at
25c each. Styles guaranteed correct
ESPENHAIN DRY GOODS CO.
Milwaukee, Wis.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

"Once upon a time" said ex-Con-
gresham Peel Of Arkansas at the Metro
politan, Il heard Mr. Larham of Texas,
then congressman, say to his colleague
and friend, Col. Culberson, that it would
be better for both of them to retire from
political life and return to their homes
and make some money from the practice
of their profession.
You know, Culberson, said Lanham,
that $4,000 a year hard1 y pays the ox-
penses of living il Washington, and as
for saving anything, that is impossible
Both of US can make more money than
that practicing law
Yes, Lanham,' responded the other,
1 admit the truth of what you say. It's
no big money, $4,000 year; but, Ian
ham, it comes powerful regular -
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
South Austral

South Australia has just held an
election at which women voted for the
first time, while at the same time the
first experiment of the referendum was
made
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

During the recent troubles in johann
nesburg one of the first acts Of the Of
ficials was to close every saloon. COM
Densate the owners for their stock. and
then destroy the liquor by pouring it on
the ground
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

l shall recommend Piso's Cure for Con-
sumption far and wide.-Mrs. Mulligan,
Plumstead, Kent. England. Nov. s. 1899
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

The Los Angeles oil men are jubilant
over the fact that their product has
reached the ST notch
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Independence, Or, boasts of young
height is six feet nine inches.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Fits.-All Fits stopped free by DR.. klines
Great Nerve Restorer. No Fits after the
first days use. Marvellous cures. Treatise
and 500 trial bottle free to Fit cases. Send
to DIR. Kline. 931 Arch St. PhiIadel Pa.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
A Sinking Fund

OF vital energy is easily and pleasantly re-
pieRishabIe. Hostetter's Stomach Ritters
Is an invgorant without a peer, and will
speedily infuse stamina into an enfeebled
physique. Besides this, it averts and rene
dies malaria, and subdues bilious, kidney,
dyspeptic and rheumatic ailments. The
nervous derive great benefit from it's USE
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Rpans Tabules are sold by druggists or by mail II
The price $50 cents box is The Ripans Chemi-
cal Company No. 10 Spruce Street. New York Sample
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Living is nearly 40 per cent cheaper
in London than in New York.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

If japanese farmer has as much as
ten acres of land he is looked upon as
q monopolist
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Queen Rainovalona of Madagascar
signed the treaty conveying the island
to France with a steel pen made in
Birmingham. Gen. Duchesne, who com
manded the French expedition, now has
the Den and holder
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Some pretty new spoons are intended
to take the place of straw in absorbing
lemonade. They may be more elegant,
but seem less cleanly, than "a straw for
the purpose. The bowls of the spoons
are small and of gold. The long and
slender tube-like handles have an open
ing at each end that is so small that it
would be difficult to keep them clean.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

In Boston-"This," said the guide
pompously, sis the place where the brave
Warren fell
you don't say! exclaimed Aunt
Ruth. who was on her first visit to Bos-
ton. "Did it hurt him much?'
Hurt him. exclaimed the guide, eye
ing her curiously. He was killed, mad
am"
>EYou don't say!" exclaimed Aunt
Ruth. Then, measuring the monument
with her eye, she continued: 'Well. /
reckon he was. seem he fell SO far. y
WaShinCtOn Times
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
somers Invests in Mines.

Ex-Congressman p. J. Somers, who
left 2 few days ago for Colorado, has
become interested as a stakeholder in
the San Juan Gold Mining company of
this city and is visiting the company s
mines at Saw Pit, Col, to satisfy him
self of their extent and value.-Evening
Wisconsin.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

stand-on-my- dignity landlady)-"Can you
tell me. Mrs. Neall, how many perches
go TO rood?' Mrs. n. with severity
No, l cannot: but | can tell you it's not
original, for I've heard it before some
where''-Sydney Bulletin.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Rev. Mrs. Phoebe Hanaford, in a re-
cent lecture, said that if those men who
are forever Haunting in our faces the
text of ST. Paul in which he forbids
women to speak in churches would read
a certain text in Kings they would soon
find out where some of the kitchen work
belongs The lady evidently refers to
II. Kings, xxi, ID, in which it is said:
And | will wipe Jerusalem as a man
wipeth q dish, wiping it and turning it
upside down. Post-Intellingenc-
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Bobby Cat the breakfast tabie1-"Maud,
did Mr.. Jones take any of the umbreI-
las or hats from the hall last night?''
Maud-"Why, of course not! Why
should hef''
Bobby-"Ihat's just what I'd like to
know. | thought he did, because
heard him say, when he was going out
I'm going to steal just one. and
Why, what's the matter, Maud -
Montreal Herald.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Mrs. Louise A. SpeetzeD, an attrac-
tive and entertaining woman of Oakland.
CAL, laughed herself to death.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

WHEN WRITING TO ADVER
49, Users please say you saw the
Advertisement I'm this paper.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Papa" said George, I'm Sc sorry
sometimes about all the trouble l give
mamma. ''She hasn't complained"
mo: she's very patient. But she often
they are a good way off. and l know
she gets cross waiting when she's in
hurry Not often, / fancy" "Oh,
she's nearly always in a hurry. She
gets everything all ready for baking and
finds at the last minute she hasn't any
baking powder. or she gets a pudding all
mixed and finds she hasn't any nutmeg
or something, and then she's in an awful
stew. cause the oven is all ready and
maybe company coming. and | can't run
a very long distance. you know, and /
feel awfully sorry for poor mamma"
"Humph. Well. what can we do about
it!' Il was thinking you might get me
Il Bicycle" Traveller
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
DONALD KENNEDY, OF RoxByaY. MASS.

Has discovered in one of our common
pasture weeds remedy that cures every
kind of Humor, from the worst Sorofula
down to common Pimpe.
He has tried it in over eleven hundred
cases, and never failed except in two cases
(both thunder humor). He has now in his
possession over two hundred certificates
of its value, all within twenty miles of
Boston. Send postal card for book.
A benefit Is always experienced from
the first bottle, and perfect cure is war.
santed when the right quantity is taken.
When the lungs are affected it causes
shooting pains, like needles passing
through them; the same with the Liver or
Bowels. This is caused by the ducts being
stopped, and always disappears in week
after taking it. Read the label
If the stomach Is foul or bilious it will
cause squeamish feelings at first.
No change of diet ever necessary. Eat
the best you can get, and enough of it.
Dose, one tablespoonful in water at bed
time. Sold by all Druggists.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

0nEIIEk Habit Cured. Est. in 81. Thousands
GtNEEEM cured. Cheap EST and best FREE TRI-
VI EOtn AL. State case. DIR. MARSH, Quincy, Mich
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
j No. %.

nj n EVCC MADE NEW-Away with spectacles
ULU % By mail 10c Lock Box 7SS, New York.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

Much bewildered Lady Landholder
(who has been struggling for quite an
hour with a land-taX for;1, to elderly
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

An old gentleman before getting into
an express at Euston tipped the guard
and said:
q wish you would make sure of catch
ing the II 40 at Crewe."
The guard went to the engine driver
who had been a with ass of the tipping
business, and said:
Here, Billy. this gentleman wants to
catch the 11:45 at Crewe."
They arrived at Crewe just in time
to see the 11:45 leaving the station.
The old gentleman went N rage to
the driver and shouted:
Weren't you told to catch the II :45 @
The impressive driver, with a solemn
wink, replied:
Yes. sir; but you creased the wrong
end of the train
Our old friend will tip the driver the
next time he wants 10 travel unusually
faSt.-London Tid-Bits.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
Halls Catarrh Cure.

Is taken internally. Price rs cents.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17
CAUGHT ON THE FLY

As the 1.-THE fingers of the assassin
closed about his throat, the manacled
hero felt his brain turn sick. He strug-
gled vainly for breath. 70 die at the
hands of a common stranger! 1t was
horrible,
He felt his senses fast leaving him.
He thought of his home-of loved one
whose heart would break when the news
reached her.
y lump came into his throat.
The stranger felt it swelling beneath
his clutch, and redoubled his efforts. In
vain. The lump grew larger.
With a yell of baffled rage and fury he
sprang to his feet and fed. The hero
was saved-New York Press.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-06-17

\ well known story of Bishop Phillips
Brooks represents him as saying diplo-
matically. but without any untruth
when very homely baby was presented
for his admiration. We'll, that is Il
baby" And the parents were delighted
Hardly so well timed was the remark
of another bishop to the proud mother of
a 2-year-old. The child was not pres,
markable it was
Can he walk p asked the bishop.
Walk exclaimed the mother. why
he has been walking six monthsr'
Dear me! dear me!' said the bishop,
absently, What a long way he must
have gott'-Youth's Companion.