The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-07-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

mover WTlIS lCuu pencil COuIneHbhth
q borrowed book. The owner may rub
them out. Use ink. Life.
We may bo led into temptation the
first time, but after that we can gen
orally find our own wny.-Life.
She-"They must have quarreled
Yesterday He-"What makes you
think SOP" She-"Ho's 80 attentive
now" ."-Chicago Record.
A man never realizes how insigniA-
cant he is until ho attempts to de-
scribe to his wifo the dress worn by
another lady. Texas Sitter.
Mr.. Whistle takes lots of money
to send you to the seaside every sum-
mer." Mrs. Willis-"Yes? What u
blessing you must think money isl"-
Truth.
Johnny |" said the nervous mother,
81 want you to dry up right this min
ute |" ''I can't" walled Johnny.
"Bill Just soaked me. indianapolis
Journal.
She-"They cay he married Miss
Wrinkles for her money. Has she got
muchP" Ho-"She must have lots of
it. Have you never seen herP'-Har-
lem Life.
"But, waiter, if this is a spring
chicken, where is its wishbone?"
Waitor-( (equal to the occasion) Ut
was too young to wish, sir. "-Detroit
Free Press.
He Earnestly )-"Am the first man
Won over kissedP" She--"Of course
you are. How stupid men arel l
never knew one who didn't ask that. "
New York Herald. ~-----..
"Debler's poster didn't wina prize !.
"No; he forgot to paint in the Gus
tomary girl and the judges had moth
ing to divert them from criticising his
work. Chicago Record.
"Can you give mo change tor five
dollar?" inquired the usually impe-
cunious friend. "Certainly," was tho
unguarded answer. "Then lend me
three. Washington Star.
Lawyer-"Do you think that you
are capable of filling the position,
young man" Boy-"Capable Why,
my last boss said know moro than ho
did. That is why l had to leave. -
Vanity.
Aunt-"Why did you stare at that
gentleman 80 rudely, Ethelp" Little
Ethel-"Oh, he's drellul man; ho
never goes to church or nothing. l
heard father say he was an acrOstlc.
Judy.
Howland-'I understand Scorcher
and his wife have quarreled and sepa-
rated" Davis-"Yes; he precipitated
affairs by telling her she couldn't ride
wheel half rs we'll as his mother
did. "-Philadelphia North American.
Millie-'It looks as though the
bicycle would drive the horse out of
existence. Loavitt-"Not bit Of
it. The moro bicycles there are the
moro they will need horses" Millie =
"What for?" Leavitt. "Ambulances."
New York Herald.
Mr.. Hoy Policy (oxtending his
hand) "Howdy do; don't you re-
member me-Hoy Policy" Mr.. Haul
ton -"Oh--er, yos-Polloy-uuusual
name-that stuck; but your face is
such a common one it really escaped
me, you know. ."-Ilarlom Life.
Tramp MADAM, do you speak
French?" Lady Of the House (sus-
piciouslyJ-"No." "Do you speak
Germany" "No; what do you"
"Then, madam, fear thnt l shall
have to ask you for something to cat
in plain English. Chicago Record.
A NeighboriIy Revenge: "lsn't
Mrs. Jarvis an agreeable ncighbor|'
"No; she's horrid. Igayo luncheon
and didn't invite her and the mean
creature loaned mo n lot of spoons
and forks and then scat her little boy
over after them when we were only in
tho second course. Chicago Record.
The mendicGnt stood beiore,the way
fnrer with outstrotchod hands.
"Please, SIR he said, al havo seen
better days" "Woll, that's no affair
of mine, sail tho wayfarer. mako
your complaint TO the clerk of the
weather if you don't like this kind OF
day. Tit Pits.