New-York tribune., 1896-01-19
WANTED A WIFE.

u FOL, ,,non day that the worthy governors Vi
the grammar school at Pendlebury were caheu
upon to fulfil the onerous duty or seiecths anu
electing A new head master. BY the outlay Vi ="
few paltry hundreds year they eAPe''" ~
rotoin tho services of as much intellect culture
knowledge and experience as coulu pe pam"
into some six feet If human flesh; and they
further demanded that this six feet OF pacAi'le
coeo should be endowed with the manners OF d
MARQUIS and the crcketing prowess Oh p'o,
f.ssional To the inhabitants Of another planet
=, r,;,bt annear that the governors OF fenoie-
hurry School expected a good deal tor 'nei'
money. hut ANYBODY who knows anything aoo"'
chic ..bes. of all possible worlds VIII reauii!
nerceive that sum whereat q prize-hghter OF
n baIlet-dancer would be justified IN turning up
their respective noses is generous-nay' eA''">"-
gant-compensation for the services "i " ii'eie (
yranpler or double first So wisdom was Jus'ineu
~ those of her children who had place upon
the governing body of Penalebury Schooi'
And the expectations of the governors were
fulfilled Numberless scholars ana ee"''oi'."
anp|ied for the desirable post and the lo' ''''"is
tau unon John Mortimer, esq. NJ A.. whose testi-
,rorio,s read Ike Liebig's Extract OF the LIVES
NJ the Saints" favored with the essence Oh ID"
cnn's advancement If Learning. lnere seV''.u -
nothing that John Mortimer could hot uo-S'i''
,aes that John Mortimer did not Know /" "u-
dition to which unparalleled virtue ana h''o"' :,
edge he possessed handsome appearance All"
= STARVING manner, and stood six feet one in
his stockings.
Pint even this rose among schoolmasters was
n,.t,r, the inevitable thorn: and in this
- ~ ;re,.,t,h hle thorn took the form OF bache-
,orbood ON the part of John Mortimer. esd NJ a
%ou tho governors of Pendiebury School were
kind fatherly set of Old men. VINO heio 'ha' 1t
was Indispensable that there should be some one
at the school who could be tas thev saio' d
mother to the boys; and for all his suehg'h an"
learning there was nothing In the shsh'es' "e
gree motheriy about Jack MortlmeT' Inc "i0'
,ivid IMAGINATION could hardly succeed IN re-
pardinC as a mother a big black-oearoeG !o"''e
man Of two-and-thirty. who was nrs'-ciass
classic and a first-rate cricketer; ana schooioo!s
ara NOT &c q rule remarkable for the vividness
Of their ina ginations; but on this account was
au tho more necessary that Jack Mortimer
should take upon himself wife. who coulo De
% his scholars a sign and a symbol Of the loving
Kindness reserved for them by their respective
three hundred mothers at home. The governors
,tersfore officially informed John Mortimer esq.
". A.. that they had great pleasure In appoint
tho him headmaster of Pendlebury School on
ono condition-viz that he could undertake 10
hecome a married man within twelve months OF
his election.
lack Mortimer was who didn't trouble
his head about women at all lie regarded
wife very much as he regarded sldeboard-viz''
as a useful piece Of furniture which no midoie-
aged householder should be without, but wnich
would prove ridiculously troublesome ana cum
brous trinket for young man to drag all over
the country with him. lie was naturally at hrst
somewhat staggered by the condition Of his
a6 hat
overcrowded country Of ours appointments are
Increasingly hard to find and wives increasingly
easy: so. after due deliberation he accepted the
Enthusiastically with a Micawberish hope that
something would turn up the year OF prooa-
,ion was over The governors We're kind enough
IN saw that failing wife, they would graciously
accent sister in her stead: but Jack had never
had a sister in his life and realized the fact that
though a man is never too old to take VILE
having a sister. like playing on the viohn' is
thing which one must begin in early youth or not
at all
A, first he was very happy In his new position.
He had a charming house he liked his work, he
was full of ambition as 20 the reforms ne would
effect in the school committed to his charge; ana
for time he quite forgot the wife diiilculty But
the governors and their better halves did not
forget II. they regarded the vacant post as the
env. and they straightway commenced lively
competition as to which Ok their domestic god
desses should receive the apple Wnlch thls
tutorial Paris was about to award, rms piah
of campaign consisted Of round of dinner
PARTIES whereat Jack in turn took In to dinner
the various candidates for his censorship Some
times this arrangement amused the mead master,
hut at others he longed to fall at his hostess 8
feet and mplore her that for once he might
take an ineligible female in to dinner and inbbe
h;s nourishment in peace. But this would not
nd
OF Pendlebury were nothing il not women OF
business.
speak-was under the hospitable roof Of Mr..
and Mrs. Grover. and of course their daughter
Emmeline fell to his lot as a partner at meat.
Jack was q poor hand at talking TO girls, even
when he was not conscious that they were
hunting him down, and now felt his lips We're
douby sealed But not 80 Emmeline She be-
gan the bombardment without wasting a mo-
ment. 40
tocracy were never without the prefix Obj on,
Mr. Mortimer. how fond you must be OF those
dear little boys Of yours Do tell me some
thing about them. please, for l am so fond Of
boys.
Now, Emmene Grover was a nice-looking
girl with a kind heart and an amiable temper.
but she had failed to learn two Of the prn-
cpal rules Of the game OF dinner conversation:
firstly, that until the entrees have passed from
the region of hope to the limbo OF memory, and
the edge is thereby taken off the gentleman 8
appetite the lady should talk TO him without
even expecting him to listen: and secondly,
chat If the gentleman is over forty years Of
age he likes the LADY to agree with him; but n
he is under forty he prefers her to differ. as
he is still young enough to believe that his
arguments will have power 10 convert her But
these things were as yet hid from Emmelne,
and So conversatonally. she went wrong from
the beginning. 49, ~
Fond of boys. you. Miss Grover?" re-
pIied Jack pcrversely: II wish were
"Oh, aren't you, Mr.. Mortimer-arent you
really? How shocking of YOU!
Jack spooned Up his soup In silence not feeiing
called upon 10 reply but Emmeline was not to
be daunted
II read your testimonials with such interest
Mr. Mortimer and they said what a wonderful
man YOU are with boys, and how you are one
with them in their games in their studies
he exact words. | learned them by