The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1896-06-12

~ AAhS q hSuo hI tIlc Nlule. Inc worst
one was the hired hand. His name was
Elias. ] saw him up here the time of the
worlds fair, dodgin' cable cars and look
in up ut the skyscrapers He was dead
lucky TO get out o. town without havin'
his clothes lifted, and, at that, amt
sure he did. But down at the farm he
was the wise guy and 1 was the soft
mark. What do you think? The sec
ond day was there goes out into the
field where they was cuttin' down the
oats with one o. them bindin' machines.
and Lias asked me TO 60 back TO the
barn and ask Uncle Matt if he had a
leftrhanded monkey-wrench. How was
to know? amt up in monkey
wrenches. Gee, / went drillin back
TO the barn through the hot sun, an
when sprung the left-handed monkey
wrench on the uncle it made horrible
hit with him. He hollered around TIL.
+! got kind o. sore. Then he went issto
the house and told them and tic4 aIi
had q fit about 1t. but you ougb 3 3,
seen Lias when he came in at night.
He was all swelled up over the way he
throwed It into me. He thought he
was a better comedian than Nat Good
win. he must gone for two miles
all around tellin' that monkey-wrench
stor3, and a lot o. the hands used to
come over and kid me. They'd laugh
an slap their legs and say: BY Jingl'.
They had me crazy used to think IL
wasn't on the square TO josh a man
because he was from the country, but
don't you fool yourself, them country
people won't do thing to a city guy
II they ever get him out where they
can take good, fair crack at him"
1T was all in fun, though, wasa'tit?"
asked Miller.
"oh, sure; they thought they were
givin' me good time. There was a Kid
cousin o mine, Rutherford HAYES
misunderstanding that name frost
you?-that jollied me into ridin' bare
back on one Of the old pelters they had
around the place, l was up in the air
most o the time, and after got through
ridin' maybe you think wasn't sore,
That same kid took me down to the
cr.ick to go swimmin'. burned the skin
on my back, got apeach of stone brlise
on my foot, and while was in 'Lias an
Spencer came over nm tied my clothes
and made me up for farmer, but
couldn't play the part. They used TO
make me try to hitch up the team with
out anyone hclpin', and then they'd all
stand around an kid me when made
mistakes. i didn't know a whifFletree
from tug. Then they had me milkin'.
too. l don't know whether you're ON
to it or not but If you try to play up
TO COW on the wrong side of her she's
liable to make sassy pass and land
the knockout blow. Well, the first night
they took me out to milk they steered
me up against the bum side of the
COW. I'm purity game myself, and
didn't want to quit, but she was too
good for me. She kept me busy for
about five minutes, and then / went 10
my corner and said had enough. Say.
the whole push had been leanin' on
the fence laughin' ut me till they cried.
guess they had more fun around that
place while was there than they ever
had before. stood it for about ten DAYS.
helpin' EN- work in the fields. pettin'
all tanned up and roundup in 70 sup
per every night smellin' like a laun-
dry, and then l kind o. figured It out
that farm life was too swift for me.
kind o. wanted to see the electric
lights and the tall houses again. So I
said / was goin'. They made an awful
Kick for me to stay. They knew thew
had good thing. ButI broke away"
Then you're not fond of the ooun-
try2"
sits this way. wouldn't mind soin,
out for awhile If could play myself OF
as company, but when it comes TO bein'
one of the family-uit, Chicago
Record.