The Monitor-register., 1896-04-10
LITTLE FUN.

Even through your tears.
A LITTLE FUN.
Il write for future generations" said
Quilpen.
every well, them" replied the pub
Usher, "let future generations pay for
what they get."-Bostom Transcript.
Crimsonbeak-"Do you know Fucker
ton the cornetist ?"
Yeast-"Yes, he lives within gunshot
of me-"
swell, you must be a frigbtfully bad
shot. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Xxx
1--WE must discipline Deacon Brown"
said the good church member.
"Why 2"
Il heard my boy say that he danced OF
Elder Smiths neck."- Chicago Record.
x*x
Mr.. Hobbs-"Dear this paper says
sewing is to a women what whistling IL
to a man."
SIS that SOP Well, here. take littlt
Dicks trousers and whistle a couple of
patches on them, while l go to the
matinee. - Chicago Record.
*
what" shouted the unfortunat.
young husband, "what is more harrow
ing than to be linked for life to a woman
with a cold heart ?" The aged one spat
t%houghtfully at the hole in the stove door.
SWELL" said he. 81 dunno but cold feet
is wuss. p Cincinnati Enquirer.
re-
Mrs. Grimble (to her offspring)-
"There you go, tracking the floor all
over with mud. Didn't 1 tell you to
wipe your feet before you came 10 ?"
Johnny-"oh, nobody's blaming you,
ma; you did all you could. "-Boston
Transcript.
Mickey Dugan with excitement)--Say,
youse kids has missed it. Deys a bloke
around here wit a new fashioned photo.
graph cameo an he took Casey's goat,
wit two gold watches an a loaded re vol.
YER in his stummick, an now Casey's
been arrested on superstition ". z.
World.
NV
Bunson (to janitor)-So, R.stus, you
claim that your father was a boy Sc want
to George Washington? 1t SENS to me
that the father of our country had lots Of
EN-. Where was your father when WASH
ington took a hack at the cherry treep
Rastus (stoutly)-He was drivin' de
hack, suh.-Judge.
NV
"Only one thing makes a woman mad
der than to have her husband stay down
town to lunch when he had said he was
coming home"
"And what is that?"
sit is to have him come home to lunch
when he had said he was going to stay
down town. Chicago Record.
Nv
Irate Patron-"'You advertise to cur e
consumption, don't your"
Doctor-"Yes, sir; l never fail when my
instructions are followed"
Irate Patron-"My son took your
medicine for a year and died an hour after
the last DOSE"
Doctor-"My instructions were not
followed. l told him to take it two years.
Bits.
x*x
DO you remember the story of the
good dog that was punished for being in
bad company" asked the teacher. "As
| recall the fable,' said the little Boston
boy, retrospectively, the moral hinged on
the circumstance that the good Influence
of the animals herediiy was wholly
neutralizsd on that occasion by an object.
ionable environment" - Chicago Tribune.
Xxx
He-"Don't you think I look we'll in
this new hat?"
She-"Yes, but you would look better
still if you would wear a veil.o-Somer-
ollie Journal.
x*x
Founder "What's the matter, old
Rounder- (who came home very late
the night before)-"Why, 1 can see two
of my faces in the mirror here, and 1
don't know which one to shave."-
Erchange.
x*x
James-"Is Miss SNOWFALL a graduate
of Vassa1p"
Wil.iam-"She is"
II thought she was. l heard her ask
If the muzzle of a gun was to prevent it
from going of.-Hudsom Register.
x*x
"Chollie-"Did you ever hear that mu-
steal clock Miss Higgins hass"
Mollie-'Yes, I have.n
Il could listen to that chime all night"
"Miss Higgins says you do."-Yonkers
Iexa has to stand much abuse, but
the charge that her bicycle girls had their
boomers made with a hip POCKET for the
ever-ready revolver has been clearly re-
iuted. The receptacle is for the curling
irons.-St. Joseph Herald.
x*
Mr.. Grumpps-'I'd just like to know
what good all these cooking-school les
sons are doing our daughter"
Mrs. G.-"Everything she cooks she
brings home"
Yes, and none of the family will touch
and the things are just thrown
mo, they are not. She gives them to
-ro |