davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning times., 1896-06-01
A PIG ALBUM.

A VARIATION OF either theold autograph
n album, or It's later rival, the birthday
book, is the pig-alhum, which Is
provocative of no end of mirth
Provide yourself with little blank
book, as handsome or as inexpensive as
you please. Ask each OF your friends 10
choose page, and thereon to draw pig;
and write his name underneath the animal,
with his eyes shut. He will exciaim,
probably: Why, / couldn't draw a pig
with my eyes open" That ass urdnce
is part OF the whole process 1t only
remains 10 console him with the fact that
those who are the best artists generally do
worst al this peculiar business. He will
make something which either looks like
an elevated vai!roa |, or a bursting balloon,
or nondescrpt animal struck by charge
of dynamite.
The autograph rarely fares so badly
and generally is pretty well done. The
book never fails 10 make amusement and
is a real boon if produced sometime when
the company is rather stiff, and especially
formal. Its perusalS and additions would
melt an iceberg of haughtiness.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
UNDERTAKERS-
DIED

WEBSTER-Ge George, the beloved hus-
band or Ann Jane webster or LlVeFpIH,
England, in the siXIieth year OF his age.
suddenly, on May 81, sy6, at 3-l7 p IA.
Funeral from MS late residence, l2l3
c street southwest on Monday. June :,
at = p. m. Friends and relatives respect
fully Invited 10 attend. II
Dearest father, thou hast left Us,
We our loss most deeply mourn,
But It's God who hath Derelt US,
He Will all our sorrows heal
Safe in the arms Of Jesus,
safe on His gentle breast,
There by His love O'eTsEaied;
SWeetIy his soul shall rest
BY HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN
HOFFMAN suddenly. n . - IN, + Il
day. May -, JnIu l. EuliuiIG. ia HiS
Funeral June l, at p m nom Lis
late residence. corner OF ninth ana fehll,
syIvapia avenue southeast. Friends and
relatives invited IL
Johns ON-On Friday. May 30, 1896. at
6-I5 a. M, William Johnson, the beluved
husband or Mrs. J. r Johnson, at as resi-
dcnce. f64S Valley street, at the age "
sevcnty-SIN.
An angel came 10 gather flowers
Todcck the throne or heaven
He took tile pureSt and the faireSt
That God TO earth had gwen.
We watched and waited by him,
Still hoping he would stay,
Rut the angels. gentle, whispered.
L bear this gem away.
BY HIS WIFE.
FunCrai VIII take place from TRINITY
Church. Georgetown, on Monday, June 1.
atIOa. m. with solemn high mass Friends
and ac0uaintanccs are respectfully invited
10 attend Ali flowers excepted
item
KELLY-Departed this life at il-io a.
m Saturday. May 80, after short III
moss Carharine. widow of the late pGnieI
Kelly. AGED fifty-three years
Nav she rest in peace; Amen.
Funeral from her sons residence. No s33
| Second street. corner OF II street south
west. on Tuesday, June ., 1896, at SD
| o'cIock: thence To st. DOminic's Church.
\ where solemn Requiem Mass VIII tt S,'is
| for the repose of her soul. hyoO--t-cln
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Mr and NJ rs. Max KHufn!aGn, No. 7OS
~ street southeast, celebrated the twenty
first birthday of their son Harry Thursday
evening Mr.. Harry Kaufman, who is a
student at Johns Hopkins University, was
the recipient OF many costly and elegant
gifts from Ills relatives. who were present
on the oCCa aSion. After en- Dying music
and TeCitatons, supper was served from
a table decorated with flowers and can
della bra Those present were: Mr.. aud
Mrs Ella s Raft NJ T. and Mrs. Ed liol-
lander, AIR. aud Mrs. David Kaufman, Mr.
and Mrs. j. HoIlauder, Mr.. and Mrs. a.
Kaufman, Mrs. Fannie Kaufman, Mrs l..
j Kaufman, Mrs. Chas. Beers, the Misses
Carrie Kaufman, Josie steiubcrger, and
McSsrs. Milton, Henry ana Herbert kauc-
man aud Samuel Steinberger.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
The short Story Club.

The circulating Library given by
the Short Story Club on Tuesday evening
last was ii very interesting entertainment
The members and their guests assembled
in the parlors of WimCdaughsis, each
wearing some design or dress to represent
a hook The enc who suCCe eded IN guess
ing the greatest number of titles was
to be crowned with a laurel wreath. The
nonorS were divided between two sisters,
the Misses Flora and Grace Rhees, who
each guessed the same number. A de-
lightfuI collation. Of cake and cream was
served on the lawn during the evening.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
BICYCLE GLOVES.

THE chamois gloves in white and light
shades which are worn by bicyclistS
may he washed in the following man
ner- Make IL lather with CASTLE soap and
warm water, using a spoonful of ammonia
to each quart. When the water is tepid
put the gloves in it and let them soak for
a quarter of an hour, then press them with
the hands, but do not wiring them. Rinse
In cold water with little ammonia added.
Press the gloves in towel. Dry them
in the open air after previously blowing
to puff them out
The morning times., 1896-06-01
Bishop Hurst at Metropolitan.

A large congregation assembled in Met
ropolitau Church yesterday morning.
The pastor. DR.. Johnston, preached a
sermon from John 15:yiii SO shall
We be MY disciplcs.'' At the close of
the sermon Bishop Hurst. who had as
sisted in the service, gave a short ac-
count OF the general conference legisla-
tiop. and commended the secular press
for it's verdict upon the sayings and doings
of the conference. He hoped that the
work done would be in the best interest
of the church and nation.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
Burnt Cork Club Benefit

The benefit to be given by the Burnt
Cork Club at Odd Fellows Hall, Seyeu nth
street north west, on the 10Th Of June,
promises to be Of the highest class. L
is the intention of the management to
extend an invitation TO the crack drill
team of the Eastern High School, which
won the Allison Nailor medal at the com
petitive drill last week, to give an ex'
hibition drill. The living pictures as
rendered by the club have been seen
here he fore, and deserve the highest praise
The Firemau's Dream will be introduced
tits old, but always brings forth applause
The morning times., 1896-06-01
PICNIC on WHEELS.
Party of Young People Mnkea Pleas
unt Run.

ant KUN.
A bicycle picnic, ChaEeroned by Mr.. and
Mrs Dr.. Pickforti, was the unique feature
enjoyed by a large number of young Wash
ington biCycliSts Saturday. Tacoma sprinGs
a run Of about nine miles, was the destinI-
ton, and here at late hour IN the after
noon luncheon was spread.
Barring Il few unavoidable accidents,
none OF which resulted in anything trouble
some, the day was passed without any an
pleasant incidents.
Each young lady in the party loaded her
haudlchurs with daisies and other Wild
flowers ana then jhe return trip was made
by way of Soldiers Home.
Those composing the party were Ar. and
Mrs. DR.. Pickford. the Misses Emma and
Pauline Mueden, Flora Steinherg, Nettie
Saks. Susie, Mabel aud Mamie Swingle,
Mabel Mckee, Lulu Thornc and Louise
Randall, and McSsrs. Marvin Bowman, Glare
H!lyer, Louis Elmer Ralph Willis, Arthur
Steiuberg, Deltus Edwards and Frank Pll
The morning times., 1896-06-01

immense size the Present Pope Leo XIII, is
the poSseSSor OF the most famous, a superb
jewel. given by one OF the DogeS OF Venice
TO former holder OF the papaI throne: It
is arranged us reliquary, anh has a spike
OF the crown of thorns placed behind il in
a gold case
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Mr.. and Mrs. william Charles Anderson
gave a garden party al their country place,
near Overbrook, Pa, last week, in com
piiment 10 Miss Lydia Bell, of this city,
who has Just returned from abroad.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
RECEPTION ON BOARD
The YACHT SAPPHIRE
Mr. and Mrs. Barber Will Enter
tain Friends.
MIR Kaufmann's Birthday Party-Re'
hearsaI for the Stevenson
Hardin Wedding.

The social event of today will be THE
reception given by Mr. and Mrs. Barber
on their yacht, the Sapphire" The af
lsn ksI.i .tAr i,-..ce iron = 10 q O'Clock
and is pleasantly anticipated by the many
guests who have previously known the
charming hospitality of this genial host
and hostess.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Mr. plumenthal. OF this city is the guest
of Mr. Sol Newmyer, OF iIavre de Grace,
Md
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Mrs. I. c Thompson, Or. g. r Smith
J. II. Almat, L. Goodfrieud, Mr.. ard Mrs.
Joseph Dixon, and Miss Dixon, are few
of the Washington people now enjoying
the sea ibreezes at Atlantic City.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Miss NJ. Harvey, Miss L. {. Birdsell and
S. Brdsell are among the guests at At
lantic City.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Mrs. John Ellis, of Philadelphia, is stop
ping here for a few days.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
Embroidery Sets.
i5c. 1-2c and 1Oc Embroid-
cries. q f-Sc.

cries. q lie.
Here's "a great offer. Swiss and
Hamburg Embroideries' Irish point
effects, from l to yards wide,
at. :. :. .. :. g &c
75c Shirtwaist;, iSe.
Laundered Waists, very full
sleeves, in Black, Blue, Green, and
Yellow Stripes, Checks, and Fig
ureS, at. :. ..4SC
The morning times., 1896-06-01

The rehearsal OF tie Stevenson Hardin
wedding viii be held at New York Avenue
Presbyterian Church this evening.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

The marriage OF Mis- Nayiorto DR.. George
B. Corey will be solemnized at 1 0:30 o clock
today ~ namliny NJ. L. Churcn.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Lansbureln g. Bro
Summer Comfort
At Little Cost.

Fill your windows and doors
with Screens and see how
comforta bic you can make
your homo for o little money.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
Great Flower Values.
$50, &1.25. 500 and soc
Flowers At H.Sc.

Here's a remarEahie Offering of
lovely flowers, consisting of Vio-
lets. ChrySanIhemuuIS MlgnuHetteS.
Fruits. Sprays, and Foliage, very
bower OF beauties, ut the phenome-
nally low price Of. :. :. :. ..23c
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Miss Gannix, OF this city, is the guest
Of Lieutenant and Mrs. Norris.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Misses Katie and Maggie Kinwood, OF
this city, are visiting Hartford.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

rSc will buy an Adjust
able Window Screen, 10
inches high, IS to "a
inches wide.
20: will buy an Adjust
able Window Screen, "a
inches high, 2514 to BIZ
inches wide.
35c will buy an Adjust
able Window Screen, "a
inches high, 2915 to 36E
inches wide.
4o- will buy an Adjust
able Window Screen, 24
inches high, 33I5 to 3oE
inches wide.
ooc will buy a Screen
Door, stained III walnut,
all sizes, complete for
hanging.
SI.25 will buy a Screen
Door, natural finish, all
sizes, complete for hang
ing.
$3.50 will buy a Screen
Door, Georgia pine, an
tique oak finish, all sizes,
complete for hanging
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Miss Mary r. Btbb, of .Phla delphia, is
visiting friends in this city.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
Muslin Underwear.
SIC Gowns, 4Oc.

% dozen Ladies' Excellent Mus
lin Ora werS, wide Hamburg ruffles,
tuckS above, at. =. :. -.SSC
SIC Gowns, 40c.
Three styles Of Mother Hubbard,
one Empire, with whole yoke OF
Hamburg Embroidery, wide Collar
trimmed with wide cambria rurfle,
regular price SIC, at. % &c
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Capt. q. w King, L. S. N, OF Washing
ton, is visiting Atlantic City.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Mr. and Mrs. P Sanford are spending
a short while at Atlantic City.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

There will he Il complimentary hop at Ta
koma Park Hotel tonight. A taily-ho
party Of young girls aud men will so cut
for the uCCas sion.
The morning times., 1896-06-01

Summer clothing St One-third regular
prices during the great sale of Famous
stock 500 Market Space. See adv.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
s1..5Linen Shirt Waists. ssc.

Linen Shirt Waists, with detach-
able collars. full sleeves, sizes 81 10
~ regular $1.25 yalue at. 3 SC
A grand va:-.e i'll regular 75c.
Shirt Waists, at. >. =. .. >, rs
The morning times., 1896-06-01
ANNNNANNNlAWN NANNNANNl
!; Grand June Sale
d Nsano.3n DAlnnn
At Kings S Palace.

First of June! 1t will be a heavily underScored day
here. We are going to be tremendously busy with the
greatest June sale in the history of our house. This
will be no 3ordinary June sale of minor importance,
but sale of paramount interest, of extraordina
importance. To INSIST were almost crime against
ones pocketbook.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
SOC SIX 1afreta Kibbons. 2Sc.

Ail-silk Tarfcta Ribbons-5 inches
wide in white. cream, pink. and
blue latest and mCs5 desira bic rib
bons FOR millinery and dress trim
uings.. ..S3c
GgTG Gro and 81 HATS o5c
The morning times., 1896-06-01

4 table full OF UutTimmed Hats
OF all descriptions al cnlors-all
shapes for ladies'. misses, and GILL
drea. Take your choice for. Csc
The morning times., 1896-06-01
Millinery.
81, 75c ana soc Hats at 14c.

Beautiful Hats for ladies and
children in all cnlors, all shapes,
fancy AMI lace straws. Your choice
al. :. :. :. =. =. E. :. ..l4C
75c. Short-back Sailors. 37c This
NEST popular hat, Short-back
Sailor in latestst yles, at. :. SIC
.Ooand 75c. Lace-edge Leghurns
az 4sc.
lot OF fine quality Imported
Leghorns, with lace ami gimp edge
for ladies, misses. and cliltdren. in
light and black, at. =. :. ..48c
soc Silk affeta Ribbons, CSC.
The morning times., 1896-06-01
Awnings

Loose Covers.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-04-01
He Needed no sympathy.

az am the man who was talking
with You abIIt two hours ago" he
said a he walked up to patrolman
on Jeff.r,on avenue, near second street.
''Yes," replied the officer, after a
LOOK.
II toll yoI was al old sport, aud
wanted 20 find some of the boys"
Yes"
"l'rI said the best thing I could 30
was u @ d)wn to the depot and wait
for my train, and le; the boys alone"
"Yes, l think 50 yet"
"Weil, I'm goin', bat l found the
bows. They were down here in sa-
loon, and when I told 'em was an
old >Por; from Sportsville they winked
at each other. ! do look like a hay
seed, don't -
''Nery much 50. II you've been
cleaned ont don't come whining around
TO me. gave you . fair warning of
what would happen"
you've seen a feller throwin' three
keerds around, and bet you couldn' {
pick ont the ace, haven't you -
That's three-card monte. You were
idiot enough to bet, l suppose -
"Yes."
'Well, you'll know better next time.
Don't yoI read the papers ,"
Every day"
"Then you ought to have known
what the game was ~
~ did"
"And yet you bet with your eyes
wide open and not knowing you
hadn't one chance in a hundred
have no sympathy for you -
II wasn't askin' for any. IL you've
any sympathy to spare give it to the
boys down there, fur they are So out
o pocket, and I'm So in. Ijest
tioJght I'd stop and ask You if you'd
take 50 of the sugar aud turn il over
to an orphan asylum a a gift from me-
but beiu' you are 50 busy and don't
feel well, won't bother You about it.
I'll 90 down To the depot and sit
around, and if anybody comes with
haysced To sell send 'em down To me.
| want flesh supply for my hat and
coat collar r'-D fyoI Free Press.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-04-01
Biggs' Peroration.

"But talking OF blunders," eontin-
uCd the member reminiscently, "d;d
you ever hear the story OF Governor
Biggs, OF California, and his pleurO-
pneumonia fad Well, it was in the
Fifty-first Congress. Biggs represent
ell a district in California and his one
hobby was pleuro-pneumonia. The
symptoms were most violent in the
Governor at times, but somehow he
c0gld never get chance tO be heard
on it, Reed persistently refusing TO
recognize him. lie was 30 full Of his
subject that one day he told the Speak
er or the floor OF the House
81 must be recognized on the
pleuro-pneumonia bill, for am going
to California tomorrow and shan't be
back for a month. IL ann not allow
ed 10 speak on it to-day don't know
il the chance will ever come
''But Reed, with one of his frosty
Siberian stares, looked over Biggs'
head and recognized another member.
The CaIifJrnian was mad. He went
West the next day and hal not yet
cooled off when he returned.
'Reed happened to put Judge Pay
son in the chair one day and had no
sooner turned his back than Biggs
sided up ana asked Payson to reeog-
nize him. Pays0n promised ard Biggs
went down stairs 10 take cup Of cold
tea to tonic himself for the great effort
of his life, the long-eorked-up speech
on pleuro-pneumonia.
as soon as an opportunity offered
Biggs asked for recognition and was
given the floor. A. he proceeded he
waXed eloquent and simultaneously
thirsty. He asked Cluny, his col
league, to bring him glass of water,
and Cluny, under an overwhelming
inspiration of humor, set glass Of gin
on Biggs' desk. Biggs drank the gin
and grew more garrdlOus still on his
favorite subject, while Ciuny and his
circle of sworn confilants sat and
watched the tea, the gin and the pleu-
ro-pneumonia wOrSing out their fatal
destiny like - many boys keeping
guard on a slow fuse.
We'll, Biggs closed in a burst Of py
rotechnic eloquence. He had the
eagle heating his mighty pinions and
mountain tops bearing witness to his
assertions, and about this time the
combination of gin and cold tea so
completely mOnopolized him that he
closed with solemn declaration:
''I am, sir, in favor Of the poor lab
oring man and of pleuro-pneumonia."
- Washington P0ef.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-04-01
How to Sleep Bsst.

The proper position Of beds with re-
gard to the points Of the cOmpass-that
is, whether we should lie north and
south, parallel to the earth's axis, or
east and west, across its the puzzling
problem propounded by Sir Benjamin
Richardson in an Eaglish Publication.
If the head is turned west there Is a
tendency, it is said, to send the blood
rushing to that organ. II the head is
east the feet are affected in a similar
way.
Sir Benjamin thinks that ''if we
should lie in the line of the axis due
north and south il would be most
probable that the rotation of the earth
would produce no special effect on the
blo01 in its course 10 or from the head. -
As for himself, he has tried all posi-
tons, aud sleeps best when his head is
turned towards the United States.
The only objection he has TO it is that
the sun wakes him up little earlier
than he likes.-Nc,C YOrk World.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-04-01
That FOliin3 Bed.

An old, gray-whiskered man, who
had lived all his life on a small farm
near Batavia, stopped NJ the hotel last
Tuesday evening. He said he wanted
Il room for one night. He was sent To
the third door. Liter in the evening he
went ont and didn't come back till
midAight. III hal evidently been en-
joying himself His breath smelled of
whisky. He went up to his room and
that was the last seen OF him until
early in the morning, when a boy went
70 call him for his train. The boy got
no answer when he knocked ON the
door, and he opened it and walked in.
The folding bed had not been lei down.
The boy had TO look about for Il mo-
ment or two before he discovered the
old Eiau. Taen he heard husky voice
from up near the ceiling somewhere.
lie looked up aud there was the guest
carried up on top of the bed,
rubbing his eyes. He was fully dressed,
with the exception of his big cowhide
boots, which were standing on the
floor.
''Say mister" inquired the boy,
''why didn't yer get into heI?"
'B'gOsh shouted the man, angrily,
''there ain't no bed. Here I've been
curled up on top of this here sideboard
ali night without wink of sleep
Aia't this nice way to treat a man
Hey ?r-Bg5u,o Express.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-04-01
4 Practical Joke.

A chemist who has spent all his leis-
ure in trying to discover effective
means for the speedy extinction Of fires
at last invented grenade which, he
was persuaded, was the very thing
that was needed everywhere, says an
exchange.
He arranged for public exhibition
of its Incompatible virtues and built
outside the town wooden structure,
which on a given night would be used
to demonstrate the fire extinguishing
capabilities of the "MOdern Wonder
Hand Grenade"
On the evening in question, n soon
a. darkness came, great crowd as
sembled and the man of scientific skill
appeared with specimens of his Won
derful invention.
After haranguing the mob on the
merits of his grenade, he proceeded to
set fire to the temporary building, and
as the flames leaped up he threw Off
his coat and let the bottles fly. But,
to the chagrin of the chemist, as each
missile struck the boards, the flames
leaped higher and the fire burned with
fiercer glow.
Faster flew the grenades, but larger
grew the fire, and soon the stock of
grenades and the patience of the
thrower were alike exhausted. The
structure was reduced to ashes aud the
diseomfited inventor rapidly retired
amid shouts of derision.
Up to the present he has failed to as
certain who extracted the cOrks of his
grenades and, pouring out the contents,
filled them up with parafline.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-04-01
Strange Race of Sinians.

In the island of BOrnco is a race Of
wonderful monkeys. They are called
the probOScis monkey, from their long
nose. They are very large; indeed,
they are the largest of their species,
measuring four to five feet in height
when standing in an upright position.
These creatures are seldom or never
seen on the ground, spending almost
their entire time in the tree tops, whore
they are perfectly nj home. They are
the most difficult 10 tame of eli the
simians, being very wild and unmaR-
ageable, and also on account Of their size.
This monkey gets his name from his
curious ccuntenance, which resembles
. III IN with an exceeding long nose,
aud they can also lie recognized by
beard an SD. whi>kers which extend
from ear to ear undsr the chin, like
the farmers boards in the comic pa
pers.
They - much resemble a human be-
ing that travellers in the interior often
ased to mistake them for race of pe0-
pie. Oae of them WAS exhibited some
80 years ago through England, the ad-
veTtisement calling it the "Wild man
of Boruco.'
The natives who inhabit the interior
of the island believe that these mon
keys are descended from an old man
who retired to the forest 10 avoid pay
ing tribl,e to the king, anl they hold
him in the greatest respec. for being
clever enough to devise this means of
evadins the responsibilities Of society
and escaping the powerful hand OF the
ruler. On this account also they can
not be induced to kill or injure one,
thinking AMI believing that il might
be relative. They inhabitthe central
mountainous portion, prineipally, and
are generally found in troops in the
vicinity of streams. BOrneo has many
other curious and wonderful plants and
animals, but this is the best known
| NciC YORK J0usRGi.