The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1896-07-24

| All Snt Wanteu
A Scotch woman was returning h.
train from market town, where sht
had made a few purchases. Just al
the last bell rang fussy gentleman
elegantly dressed and with 'minC
thyself" looking face, rushed into
the compartment, flung himself hastil.
into corner, pulled out an evening
paper and proceeded to devour its con
tents. Hardly had he become seated
when the woman timidly addressed
him, =" | am very, sorry, sir, but
. / never listen to beggars, fiercely
interrupted the gentleman. IF you
annoy me further, I'll report you"
The woman's eyes flashed, then
twinkle1. She said no more, and the
old gentleman retired, with an angry
frown, behind his paper.
All went merrily as marriage bell
until the train arrived at Crolade,
when the "auld wife, in stepping
out, again addressed the churlish in
divldual in the corner, II car ma, sir,
whether ye report me or no, but ]
want that pound of butter ye've been
settin' on for these last six miles. -
Peasron's Weekly.
Safe s.SOss."
| overheard the following converse.
ton on a Market street car yesterday
between a couple of young men:
81 told you that fellow Moore was a
sceundrel and told him yesterday. :"
"You did," and the other com
meHeed looking his friend over for
evidences of conflict. What did he
say"
"Oh, didn't listen to him. Told
HIM he was ilar, thief and a
scoundrel, and that | would punch his
nose if he said a word to me. -
What did he dor"
Nothing; he is a coward"
II don't believe that. | have seen
Didn't he say word back?"
II don't know. | hung up the
telephon -
Compliment Indeed.
Helm going to pay you the
highest compliment man can pay to
woman.
. She-This' is so sudden.
Hell know it, but | came away
without my pocketbook-caa you lend
me dollar until to- morrow
Different Causes Assigned.
Never caught thing"' declared
the old man. Never got a decent
bite. Got up before daylight and
rode and walked 10 miles, spent So in
fare and S. for sandwiches and rum
and never teched 'em. Fishin' amt
what it used to be, anyhow" he con-
tinued, mournfully. 1--WE uesd to go
round New York most anywhere and
bring IN a good mess. Now you can't
bring anything but jag. How do you
account for it?' l inquired, SYM
pathetically. 1.-THE bicycle, said he.
'Wha at? What in the world has the
bicycle got to do with it? 81 don't
body says it's the bicycle,
you see. the bike has just everlasting
ly Knocked the spots out of fishin an
every thing else-so they say. Few
year ago it was the Sherman law.
Then it was the Mckinley law. Next
year it will be silver. just now it is
the bicycle. Splum discouragin. but
| spose we've got to stand it Pitts
burg Dispatch.
weigh 100 pounds, and the weight
gauge on the hammock registers 300
pounds. Where did that other 17O'l
pounds come FROM" From-New
York, think. "-tLife.
Clear case: "Do you ride al
whoel?n asked the eldest of the doc
tors on the Insanity Commission.
yep" answ cred the subject. What
maker" II never noticed. " The
verdict was unanimous-demen -
[ Cincinnati Enquirer.
Brown: never see Mrs. Shook now.
used to be sweet on her, but she was
quite uneducated-had not even
learned the rudiment Of grammar.
Smith: Hadn't she though? l hear
she knew enough to decline an ass,
though.
Dainty Dora Susie says she'll
never wear her boomers on that horrid
MIR. Goldie's yacht again." Sweetest
Susan-What's the reason!" why,
she saws that just as soon as he saw her
coming down the dock he called out in
a real loud voice to the crew to let loose
the spanker. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Yes" said the principal of the
Young ladies' seminary to the proud
parent. 50 you ought TO be very happy. |
INV dear sir. to be the father of so large |
, family. all the members of which |
seem to be so devoted to one another.
= Large family! Devoted. What ON
Earth do YOU mean ma ana" why. yes |
indeed said the principal, beaming
through her glasses. /" No less than
eleven of Gussie's brothers have been
here this winter to take her out sleigh
riding. aud she tells me she expects the
all one with blue eyes again to-