The record-union., 1896-06-07
A NEW NAME FOR IT.
Things That Are Now Laid at the
Door of Hypnotism.

boys, we naQ never nedTu Ol II, pul II
has grown very popular since its intro
duction, until now it is as much a fad
as yellow shoes. 1t is nice, easy fad,
too, and like the coat of public bene-
factor, covers multitude of sins.
In those good old days when a pretty
young woman took fancy to worth
less type of manhood that wore mus
tache and stereotyped smile-as many
pretty young women still continue to do
| the neighbors said it was a shame to
see her throw herself away, and called
her actions silly-but they call it all a
different name, now.
"Or if a man married a woman who
afterward proved to be not of the ma
| terial he had bargained for, the neigh
| bors Especially the women neighbors)
would turn up their noses and call him a
| fool, and say he richly deserved what
| he got; but they heave sigh and call
| it different name now.
IF the promoter of new religion
stirred up the ladies of community to
a sense of their eternal unfitness for
| things, and frightened them into max
| ing life unbearable for their lords, 1t
was said openly that they had been con-
verted, but now men send lowering
glances after the apostle of the faith,
and call it by a different name.
| In those old days when Johnson
CHANGED to attend priZe-fight, he would
| tell his wife (who had prayed very eff
| fectively at the prayer-meeting) all
about it, and explain how Jones put
Smith out in the s'teenth round, and
how Smith was dazed by a sockdolager
Lon 10 oil Of yUh re
| son would be greatly interested), but he
calls it by different name now.
when preacher made slight mis-
| take and paid several hundred dollars
| to keep one of the ewes of his flock quiet
and then found he needed the money to
| buy a new hat for his wife and went to
the courts to get his money back, and
got-left, people would call him crazy,
but that is all changed now.
I'm the old days did a lawyer free a
murderer by making an eloquent plea,
every one said he had convinced the
| jury, but they know better now, and call
it by another name.
"Or if some one stood upon a bridge
and gazed long upon the whirling
| waters below, and then took a header
and was fished out several weeks later
very much waterlogged, people said he
had committed suicide, but that is nom
sense now.
I'VE all know there are no such things
as love, religion, blackmail, eloquence,
suicide or being put out in a prize
fight, and it has come to be very doubt
full whether man ever acquires a lop-
sided tank or not. We call them all by
the same name now.
1T is hypnotism.'
1T was only last week." said promi-
nent physician to a Record Union"
reporter, that a veteran bicyclist met
an eQuipage in the streets, and when he
showed up next day had a split lip, an
eXtravagant limp and contusions all
over his anatomy, but it wasn't a COL
lision. Bless you, no! He was hypno-
tized. 1t was merely the revolution Of
the wheel that got in its deadly work.
and duplicated itself in his brain.
Wheels"
"A man never gets the worst of any
thing these days from a horse trade to
landslide unless he has been hypno-
tized. A grocer never puts sand in the
sugar these days. He would be ready
to knock you down If you said SO, and if
you complained of getting that article
between your teenth, he would say you
were hypnotized. All. Hypnotism is a
great thing. 1t is better than Tony We'll
ler's 'alabi,' and up todatethere are only
few things which refuse to be called by
that name; one is taxes, and another is
your wife's cold feet. They have stood
the test and are away above proof.
And it is a good thing, too, this hyp-
notism, and l expect to take advantage
OF it in the future, when the collector
calls for his rent. I'm going to kick him
down stairs and then condone with him
if he takes the matter into court. and
tell his honor the man was hypnotized
The only thing which puzzles me is,
how mankind managed to live for 5000
years with hypnotism waltzing around
among them all the time without max
ing his acquaintance, and I'm half in
clined to think the millennium is here
there is no more sin-it is hypnotism.