Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-09-03
BOwSer Troubles.
THE OLD MAN GETS KNOCKED OUT
IN A SPELLING CONTEST
WITH HIS WIFE.

w
Mrs. Bowser," began Mr.. Bow
ser the other evening, as he laid
aside his paper, "will you take this
pencil and do a little writing for
me?"
"Of course, dear" she replied.
What do you want me to write ?"
81 wish you to write down about
dozen words as / give them to you.
The first word is illegality.'"
Yes"
"Then advisibility' and sconsan-
guinity.'"
What use are you going to make
Of them ?"
"I'm just trying a little expert
ment. Now, you may put down
'desideratum' and 'multitudipous.' y"
" What is the experiment? ?" asked
Mrs. Bowser.
Why, was just reading in the
paper that not one woman out of
fifty, no matter how we'll educated,
was thoroughly up on orthography.
An editor says that out Of $50 COM
munications sent in by females al
average of one word out of every
ten was misspelled."
But men spell every word cor
rectly, L suppose?" sarcastically
queried Mrs. Bowser.
They do. 1t seems to come per-
fectly natural to them. 1t isn't a
woman's fault, perhaps. 1t may be
that nature meant it that way
Now, you can put down 'destructi-
bility.'"
1" 1 am not putting down any more
words!" she said, as she laid down
the pencil.
"Oh! got mad, Ell? That's the
way with woman! IF some one
said she couldn't play on jewsharp
as we'll as man she'd get her nose
up about it,"
can spell as well as you can,
MIR. Bowser, and even better! Who
ever wrote about that little expert
ence told falsehood!"
"There you go! That's egotism
and mulishness combined. Didn't
explain that Nature never intended
a woman to spell half her words
right? IF she didn't then what's
the use of getting mad about it?
or the four words you wrote down
you spelled half of one of them cor
rectly, and you ought to be proud of
it.D
81 spelled every one of them cor
rectly ~ she insisted.
Mrs. Bowser, don. It set your jaw
that way when you are addressing
me! | am speaking to you more in
sorrow than anger. If you can't
spell, why, then"
when did you become such a
great speller ?"
"Orthography came natural to
me, Mrs. Bowser-perfectly natural.
l was spelling words rod long be-
fore ! was seven years old"
ooh! Indeed! It's funny how
many mistakes you made afterwards
when we were engaged, for in
stance!"
Mistakes in spelling? Be care
full, Mrs. Bowser Don't let your
anger lead you to prevaricate I
think j wrote you two or three little
notes when we were engaged, and 1
wilt bet a million dollars to a cent
that every word was correctly
spelled"
"You wrote me about four hun
dred love letters, and I've got every
one upstairs, and you made scores Of
mistakes -
Woman !" said Mr.. Bowser as
he rose up and glOwered at her, 81
pity you! When a person is driven
to prevarication and perjury in or.
der to carry point it is sad, SOL
emn thing. If / had"
She ran upstairs, and in the course
of three or four minutes returned
with great package of letters in
her hand and said:
Here are about fifty bushels Of
letters you wrote me. We will now
see about the spelling. You ac-
knowledge your handwriting, don't
you?"
81 acknowledge nothing, Mrs.
Bowser-absolutely nothing! They
may be letters of mine, or they may
be base forgeries."
They are your letters, of course.
Here is one in which you speak of
an azure sunset and an affinity of
souls. You spell it 'ashure' and
affinity
"Never! Never on the face of
this earth"
"But' see-there are the words
Here Is another in which you lay
your heart at my feet, and you have
spelled 1t 'h-a-r-t."
81 deny 1t I" shouted Mr.. Bowser
as his face got red and his hair be.
gan to curl. "In the first place,
wasn't donkey enough to write any
such balderdash, and in the next any
fool knows enough to spell heart