The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1896-09-11

have hearn' az how editor Bold, Nv our
hom paper gifts extremely tickled when
outside pursons contribute articles TO ther
colems Nv ther PRESS, and wuz thinkin'
az YOU hsv nothin' ter due partikler,
ceptin' chores, and as Bill Nj is deceased
and our friend Scribbler is either plowiDs
or gone with the rest Nv the dudes a
huckleberrin' you might az we'll turn
your hand to sich work az written sum
news, seein' az you allus had leanin'
that-a-way."
ooh, Berlindy." sez l, "I can't"-
"Now, Joshlyn Jacobs, you shet rite
up, and due eggsactly az say" sez she,
and when seen that Berlindy bad stop
ped nitten, and wuz lookin' at me over
her sp ecktikles, / knew o reglar Kansas
siclone wuz brewin,' and so sz usual, |
meekly klasped, as the sayin' is.
#x#
Recently me and Berlindy went hue.
kleberrin' up to the Blue mountiDgs, and
on the rode up we Encountered a speci-
men Of the jinis hollow origin. He wuz
familiar lookin' chap with long Irish
linin duster on, and his Ease wuz az long
az the duster. He wuz sort NV pro.
fessoril lookin' bein' an wore goggles
which suppose he use to keep the dust
out Nv hiz eyze with. When we got to
the opposite Nv him, sez he to me, sez he,
"mister, will you .condesend to let me
hev the lon NV a small partikle OF the
wead that exhilsrates, and stimerlates
one to further expectorashun, and which
acts az an insentive to faster walkin' on q
dusty rode, and which helps the immag
inative mind 10 grasp, with frmer hold
the most iayganlic and boundless per-
porshuns Nv naturs handy work, in all
nv its gloin' grandor"-
"W-h.at?" sez Berlindy.
"Sir?" sez I.
I'm other words, Continued the ho-
bow, give me chew NV terbaker."
"Why did't you say So" sez 1, and
Berlindy heaved sie Nv releaf.
After the hollow had past on, and wuz
we'll out o'hearinsBerlindy suddenly re-
ckolected NV havin' seen the feller sum-
mers afore. Suddenly sez she to me, SEE
she, "Due tell Of that won't Clark Wood,
him as persides over the destines aud
paper bills Nv the Westing weakly Iced
or. Josh, he's the identickle chap as oze
me fur that yaller legged pnllit and ther
peck o. beans, since last fallP'
"Wall, swan" sez |. "Berlindy"
sez l, "I'm not one bit surprized, not one
bit surprizsd, Berlindy, for have hearn
tell o'this self same feler atore lPs
him az used to work fur Charlie Jackson,
our friend from Mizouri, and who now
runs nuspaper for the sake NV polyticks
and what monte there is 10 1t, This fel
Ter Wood, used TO rite lokels fur Jackson,
and in the coorse NV hiz rounds would go
to the kort house fur news. Their Off fisers
were on to ther feller, and az soon AZ
they'd see him comm they would all
pull their tobaker out, ready fur him ter
chew on, and further TO save him the
energy o'askn' fur 1t. In my opinion
eny one that is guilty o. beggin' fur to.
baker had ort to be shot with kodack
an the results shipped to the Police Gaz i.
zAtte fur future reference"
#x*
Mr.. editor, II | wuz the mayor, kom-
mon council and marshal Nv your town
wud throw Ha2e's colt in the pound, an
if Haze kicked, or produced eny further
silver argument thereon, Pde role him in
the kooyler, an sprinkle salt on him,
Haze is eternaly in sum body's way, es-
peccially sum OF them fellers what be.
litvts in the 0regonian an the gole stand
dark. He's always dablin' in polytiks an
at the last sity election hiS "fule friends"
got lot NV poles an poled enough votes
fur him ter act az sity alderman. Why
they did this is mistery to me and will
allus remain go Berlindy is Nv ther
opinIn that Haze haz two meny irons in
the fire e--she sez runnin pascal wagon
an dabblin' 10 poyticks ia what brought
Mart Quinn to an untimely end, an tibet
ii is only matter o. time we'll hear o.
Haze collapsin'
Pussonly, Haze an weun's is very
good friends. think heap o. Haze,
an Haze, he thinks heap o. me; but
that is neither here nor there, fur in the
jargin o. the poet an Weaver:
"There is time In the affairs NV men,
Which taxin'after flood, leads to fortune,
Omitted, an all the voyages ny ther life
Ends up In the cup an the ditch"
Not that think Haze would ever come
to hard drinkin' for that's not hiz nature
at all, but there's no tellin' what might
befall man iu Haze's position. My ad.
vice to Haze in this hear instance, would
be to either drop out Nv the polytickle
arena. or let go Nv that pesky pascal
wagon, fur taku' the two NV them ter
gether would break eny first national
bank ia The country. Then as the argyin'
o'polyticka itF allus Hazea luck ter run
up against Gorge Hansell or Roll"
Barnett, an they pull him through tile
Atlantic ocean an give him duckin'
ever chance they kin git, This OF course
is In the general transaction ofthe arVy-
ment, aud Is done purpose to git Haze
on British grounds, where they can call
him fnean names aud use force OF argv.
ment without eny fear NV Haze's friends
stepin' in an helpin' him out NV q tight
placs. Haze qnit talkin' polyticks or
they'll drown yoo.
49,
observe in the colems Nv the muse
papers that Senator John II. Mitchell,
him, ez has bin representa- us in kon-
gress fer 10, these many years hez con
cluded that hiZ place is on the Ssint
Lewis platform, an 40 declared hizself
tother day at Woodburn 10 the preseue4
NV some 5000 people, all told. John IL.
should be relegated to wood pile or sum
other occupashun which requires mussle
insted NV branes. Hi6 pussonal appear
ance wood stand him 10 good hand az
street car driver or keeper OF a litehonse
over on tho coste summess He talked
good eal on protekshun, an ez think he
needs protekshun from them az support.
ed him fer kongrees, he should be given
q place in the li,ehouse where mono NV
his friends could git at him to do him |
bodily harm, don't yoo?
Speakin NV saddles, puts us in mind Nv |
what | red in nusepaper tother day, an |
also eauses ne to offer some sterlin advise |
to justices OF the pieces in this here coun.
ty, and especially TO our friend Smith.
What red wuz this;
Down in Arkansas feller wux arrest.
ed fur the stealin' NV a saddle, an the
case wu2 up before a prominent justice
NV the psacs down there an the jury
went in tho woods on still hunt fur
vardink Ariar a uhila ihav illaa In nna |