The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-01-28
twritton for the Inteillgencer9


"unclc," Lord Salisbury, ssttinSli In his
favcrlte chair at Hatfield House. with
oincy's famous dispatch in his hands.
well" he says. scowllng, "this Is de-
cldelly mlnatory and positive IN its de-
munds; It Is full OF American wilkins
and Yankee notions. thft shall be an
Hwered, whenI see fit to do 50, ana men
1t shall be in my best Salisbury style
Laying back In his easy chair, ana
covering his tawny beard with his la't-
est red bandanna, he gives himself up
10 thoughts OF his dear cousins over the
water, and of England's connection and
relations with them from early times
so 'Ihat he can make just answer TO the
demands SO suddenly made on him.
when the thlnteen united colonies OF
America rebelled against the cruel ex,
uctions OF King George III and LORD
North, OF infamous memory, In lIIB::
they were only 100000 IN number, and
to.day they are 70.00O,OO0. Whew! How
they have grown, twice as big as their
gr.lclous mother! must confess that
we never kept any portion OF that treaty
that we had TO make with them in 1888.
so that We compelled them TO make war
against us again In 1872; and again we
made another treaty, for we were the
under dog in the fight again. That IS
they gave us q good breakfast in lII6,
and a first rnte luncheon in 1872. and,
by the Great Horned Spoon. they may
give US d royal good dinner In 1896. But
this time we will have better luck, Tor
they have not single fortified city, nor
vessel OF war capable of standing up
against us; so, unless that devil Edt-
son should construct something 70
III. tS, oh I
we can take New York, Boston, Wash
Infrtor and Baltimore, and obtain, well,
say, $1,000, 100000 in money to preserve
their cities from destruction, as we DAD
Washington in 1872, for 1t is said by
tile World and Post that their people
ARE MI AnElo-manIacs and would radh-
or pay than fight. II sounds glorious!
How that would tickle those cheap
Harvard professors and parsons. ana
the lying correspondent OF the "phur-
teTer.' Aud we would take our meals
every day with the 1000, and let Dun.
raven take the Defender; and we would
nee whether they would dare. IN our
presence. to lind athletes, criekGters,
ynsGitsmen, to beat our boys! Wouldn't
we whoop EN- up?
"BVt We would have won the bght OF
177G and 1879, II we had not been fight
lighting Holland We took from her that
bit OF British Guiana that borders on
ycnczuola and shat Is the cause of this
vulgar fellow. Olney. spelling my din
ner with his new Yankee Monroe doc:
tline. but can soon settle him, by tell
ing him thgt-hn. ha, ha!-the Monroe
doctrine doesn't apply. And that WI! %
the last I shall hear from 0iney. But,
uluy, our sins are finding us out.
''T'hen, again. by reason OF our NOT
living up to our treaties with the United
States, we came very near having
war over the Maine and New Bruins
wlci, boundary line. and, again, about
the northwest boundary, 6u: we had
learned little by that time, and ar
bltrattd.'
",rhen came the civil war among our
cousins, and must say that my pred
eressors acted a very unmanly part.
for they tried very hard to do all the
damage they could to the United States
government, in every way. They threat
ened to acknowledge the southerners Ms
bellIgerents, but the Sudden and almost
miraculous birth OF the Monitor said in
plain, unmistnkable language TO all
Europe, Hands off, and we S!3. Tnes.
when they took Mason md Slldell out
OF an English packet ship (horrible OUT
faEe). we thought che time had come
for us TO interfere. so We Immediately,
without awaiting answer from the UNI
ted States government. sent $4,000 SOL
dicrs and q great Sc. OF war vessels 20
Halifax; but those contemplate Amer
leans made us subscribe to the very
doctrine for which they went to war
with us in 1912, that neutral ships made
neutral goods and men. and when we
had subscribed to 1t, then they sent to
US Mason and Slidell
"Then. because we permitted q little
vessel. the Alabama, TO wipe from tho
walers Of the globe the American mer-
chant marine they demanded from "a.
and got 1t. our gold. 1t nearly broke
our heRnts, but we Will never arbltrnte
again, for II hurts. Then what asses
We let Napoleon III make OF us In
Mexico. leading US by the nose, but we
retired in time. to save being sent
home.
Now, 1t is plain that II we had not
aided the south.thc United States would
not have had such All enormous debt.
and no tariff TO develope their wonder
ful natural resources: SO that to-day
they would have bern our ogrlcubsur-
lists, and we would have furnished them
goods We have paid well for our eG-
reSiouS errors.
',rhen, in 1929 our Canning aided
Monroe to get up his famous Monroe
doctrine. to which we heartily agreed.
that NO European government should
ever gain additional territory on tho
continent OF America and now under
the name OF English supremacy. We
nre doing and applying the very same
doctrine in the Transvnal: and, by the
holy SMOKE this fellow, Olney. comes
-. III III afI. a
says that we are trnnsgresslns in Ven
c2ueia. while all that we have been
grabbing there ls only n pRltry 100000
square mIlas Of gold bearing landi
Let me think how that land grab
bling occurred: In 1886 we took Guiana
from abe Dutch, with Just such boun-
darics rs belonged to them, but having
weak nelghbOr. Venezuela. In our
usual maRner we eRcroachea gradually.
thinking no one was watching us. and
Aberdeen and Granville, who had run
oW that fiitnsticnl SehomburEk Line.
agreed with the Vcnezucllns, who were
Continually complaining and begging
fer an arbitration. that they would ar
b!trate. but Just then ! came IN, and
think l am made OF StGTner stun, and
our squntters went In and found gold
In paying quantities; ana as that II tho
chief end and adm Of IN Engiishman's
life. declined to arbinatc, for good
cause. see-eh? The fact Ia Lord Aber-
deem and Granville, were too soft, and
not fEgt-class land ErRbbers. with your
Uncle Salisbury. So I'll just tell Olney
we will see him hanged first
"Now. Let me look at the map. ii In
very evident from what see on this
map that my worthy predecessors In
NILS ltlnEiy Office, for am the king Of
England, have been wise mon, for they
knew Of the coming of nn Olney and n
Erent American duck hunter THAT would
try to cmbnrrlas lis nB land Grnhbcps:'
therefore. did they rortify Halifax, in
Nova Scotia, and Nassau IN the BAHIA
MAG md 1Slnrginn In INtnnlnn. and