Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-01-27
JUST FOR FUN.

LADY, would like some powder,
please. DruggisU-Face, gun or bug?
She-Where is my picture? He-I
have it in my heart. She-Ah, see.
Cold storage.
Where was it that Alfred spoiled
the breakfast ne was set to watch?
At Bannock burn.
How did Smith injure his constitu-
ton SO? Taking medicine when his
wife thought he was sick.
Why do you suppose a trolley car
carries gong? Why, that's 10 let peo-
pie know what it is that runs over
| them.
Mr.. Screechman sings without eX-
preston. Ttat's fact; you can't see
much of his face when his mouth is
open.
He-Trudchen, dear, this kiss tells
| you all [ have to say. Have you un-
derstood me? She-Oh, please do say
it again.
| ate piece of pie for supper last
night. How did you feel when you
awoke this morning? [ haven't been
asleep yet.
The Lady-Is this novel fit one for
my daughter to read? The Salesman
don't know. Pm not acquainted with
your daughter.
Papa, George says he is very much
worried about his income. I should
not think he would worry about lit
tie thing like that.
Kittie, what are the women doing,
now that their bible is finished? We've
got up a lovely diagram to prove that
Mrs. Shakespeare wrote the plays.
Tommy-When Pm man Pm going
to be a soldier. Mother-What! And
be killed by the enemy? Tommy-Oh,
we'll then, I guess I'll be the enemy.
One-Stickers has been telling US
of marvellous sums he has made on
Wall Street. Is he Napoleon of fl
nance? Two-Well, hardly-more of
Napoleon of narration.
He-How do you like Lord Popping
ton Miss Barrow? She Not at all.
He can't pronounce his RS, and do
detest being addressed as Miss Bow
WOW.
Crimsonbeak = There's a man who
has done some good work on the links.
Yeast He doesn't look like golf
player He's not. He manufactures
sausages.
You don't bring me as much candy
as you used to before we were mar
ried, pouted Miss Deerly. No, have
to buy your beefsteak now, replied
her husband.
stDo you think, professor" said
unsteady ambitious youth, ''that [
can ever do anything with my voice?"
"Well,' was the cautious reply, cit
may come in handy to holler with in
case Of fire.
Paternal Visitor-Do you like to go
to school, little boy? Little Boy-Yes,
I like going to school well enough, land
coming home all right. What don't
like is having to stay cooped up in
there between times.
ing with crying infant)- Dear me!
I don't know what to do with this
baby Kind and Thoughtful Bachelor
Gin the next seat) Shall open the
window for you, madam?
Is not this deserving of place in the
ssPleasantries?' I have been looking
at little printed list of "Abbrevia-
tons,'' in which "P. P. c." is serious
ly explained as standing for 'Particu-
lar Parting Compliments"
Mrs. Billus Don't you believe it's
true, John, that person partakes to
a considerable extent Of the nature of
the creature he eats? Mr.. Billus-No.
I've been eating fish all my life, and [
can't swim stroke.
Husband (shaving)-Confound the
razor! Wife-What's the matter now?
You are dreadfully cross tempered.
The razor is so Internally dull. Dull?
Why, I ripped up an old shirt with it
only yesterday and it cut beautifully.
81 want to ask one more question:"
said little Frank, as he was being put
to bed. sWel," acquiesced the tired
mamma. "When holes come in stock
ings, what becomes Of the piece of
stocking that was there before the
hole came?''
Young Lady (out yachting) What
is the matter, Captain Quarterback?
Captain-The fact is, my dear young
lady, we've broken our rudder.
Nounor I adu-I Unuldn,t WOrrY about