Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-06-18

Ms
Had an X-ray camera
Twould pleasant be, I've thought,
To look up in my memory
The things long since forgot.
Judge
In a Department StOre-'I want
something nice in oil for dining room."
''Yes, madam. A landscape or a box
OF sardinesg'--Life
when lose any little thing like that
l knew where to look for it." You
do" Yes; it's nearly always in baby's
mouthl'-Chicago Record.
What is an irretrievable errory' 1T
is getting up and dressing at 5 O'Clock
under the impression that the clock
struck 6. "-Chicago Record.
He cried: II do not understand
Ive met the blast of common wo;
Chilled in the freeze of failure and
Nobody said: 4 told you So
Philadelphia Press.
Mudge-No, shall not quarrel with
Parsons. He is completely beneath my
notice. Yabsley-You don't tell me? |
didn't know he was SO good a fighter as
that.-Indianapolis Journal.
II was around to your place last
night and took the liberty of borrowing
some of those new novels of yours"
That's all right. / only wish you had
come around before read them" Life.
What do you consider the greatest
charm OF summer travely' well, you
meet a lot Of new people and can make
yourself agreeable and entertaining on
your old stock of ideas" Chicago
Record.
He-Miss Bertha, do you know that
I WEAKLY wode a hundred miles on my
wheel lahst week? She-Encore! En-
core! and in straightaway direction,
Reginald, if you please. Boston
Courier.
'Srhe weather can oft foretell,''
He said in tones of pain;
A new silk hat with no umbrell
Is certain sign Of rain"
Washington Star.
ViSitor-What makes you so ugly,
Tommy? Don't you love your new lit
tie baby brother? Tommy (viciously)-
Well, did till somebody came in and
said he looked like me.-Somerville
Journal.
SIngley-Who is this man Cleverly
whose divorce suit is causing such q
sensation? Margaret-Or, why he's
the author of that charming novel, "A
Happy Marriage."-Philad North
American.
Now, Johnny, do you understand
thoroughly why l am going to whip
you?" '-Yes'm. You're in bad humor
this morning, an you've got to lick some
one before you'll feel satisfied liar
lem Life.
"B1ykins is the most modest man I
ever sawv' said friend of his. what
makes you think SOP 81 never yet
heard him claim that the bicycle he
rides is the best on the Market
Washington Star.
Margaret-Don't you think Maude
loved Charlie? Ethel-No, dear; it is
my firm belief that she only married
him for his beautiful collection of
striped outing shirts. Philadelphia
North American.
oICe more tneSe SaO COnQ1ClOnS come
To grieve the country and the town;
The mercury now runneth up;
The perspiration runneth down.
Washington Star.
Teacher-Now, Freddie, since you
have correctly spelled Philadelphia, can
you tell me what State it is in? Freddie
Yes, sir. heard pa say the other day
that it was in State of coma-Yonk-
ers Gazette.
THE price Of your fish is dreadfully
high here" Yes, we don't have many
to sell: we make more money renting
them in strings to visitors who want
their photographs taken to send home"
Chicago Record.
Showgo-What on earth is that bulky
arrangement on your opera glassf
Frontrow (gleefully)- Greatest scheme
in the world! microscope attachment.
Turns all the actresses into living pie
tures.-Brooklyn Life
Wheeler-This thing of giving away
franchises to the street car companies
is nothing short of an outrage. The
people own the streets, don't they2
Walker-The people VINO Tide bicycles
dolndianapolis journal.
And are you really the gentleman
WAC writes those funny things for the
morning papery asked the ingenious
girl. 81 am,' admitted the humorist,
with as much modesty as he could COM
mand There Is one thing I would
like to know. What makes you put the
name of some other paper after the
very funniest onesY-C Cincinnati En-
auirer.