Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-09-14
FACTS AND FANCIES.

81 never saw a more perfect ut than
that dress, Miss Flashley."
II did. when papa got the bill for it..
Free Press.
Soon the oyster will again enter so
ciety for the season. Under the circum-
stances his case is a hard one.-Phila-
delphia Call.
Seasonable.-"Is that a clever novel
you are reading, Miss Pincenezw "No,
but l carry it around with me because it
has linen cover" Chicago Record.
"Here, waiter, can't you fill an order
at this restaurant? l called for roast
beef and baked potato. Here's the
potato, but where's the beef?"
"Undah de p'tatah, sab. Free Press.
Mrs. Rocks "Where is the count,
Gladys?"
Gladys-"In pas study. [ think they
are discussing the money question. p
Cincinnati Enquirer.
When you hear one girl speak of an
other as being good and sensible" you
can feel perfectly confident that she is
as homely as a rail fence.-Commarcia
Advertiser.
Elsie-"Why does your husband speak
of you as his right hand?'
Mrs. Ray-"Give it up, unless because
he never lets his right hand know what
his left hand doeth. Truth.
He was hugging a deluSion,
But it did not once occur
To Kim that such could be the fact,
Until he married her.
Detroit Tribune.
Teacher-"By transparent we mean
something through which. we can see.
Who can give an illustration of a trans
parent object?'
Pupil-''A ladder Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
''Now, Eleanor, you weigh 40 pounds
and the weigh gauge on the hammock
registers 300 pounds. ., Where did the
other ITO come FROM 80,
''From N New York, [ think"
Sure to be Popular "Mudger feels
sure his new Romeo and Juliet will
make hit" "What are the high lights =
outlet dives off the balcony in her bloom
ers and they elope on their wheels. >
Chicago Record.
Farmers will soon be getting in their
crops. This operation completed they
will have a long season of rest with
nothing to do but to think up some way
of preventing the hired man from rest
ing too.-Boston Transcript.
''De only trouble bout havin' patience
under provocation,' said Uncle Eben,
sis dat dess ez soon eZ er man gifts er
reputation fob it, ebrybody seems anx-
off. Washington Star.
A-"Before Miss Tinleigh's father
made his fortune she used to be long
and lanky."
B-''Well, has she changed?"
A-"Oh, yes! Now she is divinely
tall. Punch.
Vienna bicyclists are looking about for
a patron saint. Some think it should be
ST. Gertrude, patron of travellers; others
1nh ylon 10 noI on on
wheels; while every martyr tortured on
the wheel has some advocate.
"See here" said the indignant sub
scriber, II don't find a thing in my paper
any more but darned old bicycle talk
''Why, gracious, man." exclaimed the
editor, 1--WE devote half a column to gen
eral news every day. American.
No Inducement to Steal-''Say,
Tradeley, why does your foor-walker
never watch the bargain-counterw "Be
cause things are SO cheap there that
thieves prefer to buy and have the goods
delivered. detroit Free Press.
He freely talked of dynamite,
This anarchistic churl;
He'd send the kings and plutocratS
All skyward in a whirl-
But he always lets his wife blow up
The tyrant hired girl.
INDIANAPOLIS Journal
Correctly named.-"Flashly has pub
Iished volume of fugitive verse;" ''How
can he call them fugitiveS when none of
them have been published before!' "Oh,
Flashly himself says that he was chased
out of two hundred offices in which he
had tried to sell them" -Brooklyn Life.
Chivalry of the Future-A crowd of
women surged around the center Of dis
turbance.
Shame! Shame! To think of her
striking man!'
It was A. D. 1896, and the equality of
the sexes was almost accomplished
New York Press.
willie, didn't I ask you to make less
noise?' said Mrs. Still at the dinner
table.
Eyes, you did, mamma
"Well, | will have to ask you again"
Remember, mamma, you told me it
was impolite to ask for anything twice
at the table. "-Yonkers Statesman.
The month of the lily, the month of the
Are charming enough just as sentiment
goes;
But for most solid rapture, as time passes
by
1 bank on the month that brings in pumpkin
pie. Chicago Record.
Magistrate Ito witness)-"Now, bear in
mind, Uncle Rastus, that you have
sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth
Uncle Rastus somewhat futtered)-
"Y-yes, sab; but | h-hopes de gemman'll
go slow at the start, sab; cos yo' sees, yo'
honah, hain't yuse ter dat sort O.
thing"
Houses Built Into a Bank.
Brooklyn has a number Of genuine roof
14O,. 11xy o1,1o on nfc A N