Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-05-31
Prehistoric Man.

| Not lonr ago two fools, including myself.
msr and decided TO investigate the mystic
rious nysteriousness OF prehistoric man
by digging up a certain round mr. sIuhs
II out. piling our buggy full OF museum
prizes and then shovel back the nh ana
] return. home regular Schliemanns Oh aren-
I eology.
The first step toward becoming men OF
discovery with our names under some glass
case in q. museum was TO pile our busy
FUN Of shovels, dried beef, boiled eggs ana
onions and start on on our mission OF SCI
ence and Precipitation.
on our way 10 that case-hardened work
of prehistoric man we recited all our
knowledge Of the mound-builders, cliff
dvrellers. etc. talked about their weapons,
their earth-works. their bones, their all
that remains, and tried 10 fix the date
when the last lonely one CALLED in the
neighbors and all his family and babe
them a sad farewell
/ notice that there's something wrong
about this calling In the neighbors and his
family: but can't get in the pathos with
out 1t. II would just plainly say he died.
without any eloquent embellishments, 1t
wouldn't read well. I always like TO throw
IN a touching sentence, now and then, TO
emphasize the stupendity Of life with all
its consumption, cares and collie.
Wen. 10 return 70 the text, We arrived
az the place where prehistoric man had
piled up dirt. tramped il. pounded it.
mauled 1t. rolled IT, hammered it. and then
left ii to be investigated by two ambitious
scientists in the year Of our Lord 1856.
This brings Us up 10 the point in this mar
rative where our study Of'prehistoric man
became very interesting and perspirlng.
With a shovel apiece and others IN the
hands OF kindly disposed friends We pro-
ceeded 70 dig with all the aroor OF a Pas
teur after a microbe.
We dug dirt, and watched our friends for
fear OF being robbed OF choice specimens.
We dug more dirt and eonversed very
learnedIy on the mound-builders, the cliff
jewellers and the Aztecs.
We stir dug dirt. sifted out every sus-
picious pebble ard held a consultation
over il.
We dug more dirt. and investigated every
lair to thus get the greatest amount Of in
formation from this wonderful work OF
prehistoric man.
We stfl dug pure and unalloyed dirt.
giving our kindly disposed friends TO I'M
derstand that we were no hogs and would
give them a necklace apiece.
We dug more dirt changing the kind OF
mound ana digging accordingly and then
primised two necklaces apiece 10 our
friends. il they would see us into the treas
ures.
We stin dug Just common dirt, until the
neighboring farmer accused us Of cover
ing up the lire fence.
And stlu on and on we dug plain. old
fashioned, stamped, pounded. csse-hard-
ened dirt-au for the benedt Of science.
Concluding that this was beneath the
dignity OF two Psychologists who could
talk so learnedly about the mound-build-
ers. the Aztecs and the cliff-dwellers, we
hired the ueighbOr boys to do the digging.
thus giving us a chance 70 serve science
with more dignity and less Precipitation
by just holding our specs and meditating.
The boys dug on and On-but merry a
necklace or pottery, merry an ak or 4
dart.
The proprietor Of the mountain came out
and said that he didn't suppose we intend
pit and sling his farm all over the valley,
blanksty. blank. etc.
So we quit. and to mitigate our defeat.
we retOrted that some night we would steal
in and carry away all Of the treasures.
The fact is. a regiment of Winchesters
couldn't drive US into that wonderful work
OF prehistoric man after we had once
worked into the night shovelng IL all back.
The only thing we found was plain, old
fashioned pure and unalloyed dirt
We saw only suspicious sign OF of the re-
mains Of prehistoric man. This was sim
ply a long round piece Of dirt We conclu-
ded IL had been either a leg. a root or
/ fence stake. We also found a suspicious
looking stone and decided IL was either the
remains OF a celt. an ak a boulder a whet-
stone or a brick; couldn't tell which.
one hundred years from now some other
fellow viii investigate that same mound
and study with the deepest gravity the
peculiar layers OF dirt, tobacco guilds. a
I few egg shells and old tin cans we left.
He win write an exhaustive paper for some
! historical society and the tin cans will go
| 20 some museum and be illustrated in the
/ future works on prehistoric man.
All could say I'm a scientific paper con-
| corning it would be:
In a certain place in Coshocton county.
Ohio, I helped open a mound or hill or
mountain or something or other supposed
TO be the work Of the Indians. the mound
builders or somebody else II must have
| been either an altar. a sepulchral temple
or an observation mound or something else
/ probably the latter.
I Tt was made OF pure and unalloyed dirt.
/ hard as pavement. and has never had any,
thing in it but lot Of fool relic hunters
I I'm sDra vet n4N- r,O~,c,