The record-union., 1896-06-04
SMISBRR'S SOLILOQUIES.
TARIFF AND MONEY.

problems would cut a great deal of ice
in the approaching readjustment of ma
tional awards We need a distinguish
ing name for the adherents of the
mania. For the purposes of my obser
vations I will say the tariff tyros are
bobbing up full Of words and war
paint AS an inspiring theme for spon-
taneous argument and insane logic,
tariff takes the custard pie. Give pol
itician hint of tariff and he will hatch
a sea of argument If his voice is equal
to the hy but annoying task he will
talk himself to death between now and
November, unless he is arrested and
| jailed as a public nuisance.
| If there is an adult in America who
cannot argue freely for the support of
either high tariff or free trade, ne ought
| to be banished to Missouri. Any per-
son who appreciates good weather
knows what he wants in the way of
tariff or other tax. Anyone with or
dinary common Sentiments wants the
disagreeable features Of both dispensed
with, or turned loose upon some one
else. AS for me, / say take the tariff
off diamonds, champag gne and cigars,
and put it on immigrants and the chol-
era.
Mr.. Mckinley, when nominated, will
be in a critical position. 1t won't make
any difference what he says about tar
if, for every free trader in the United
States and elsewhere will chip in and
raise the blind. When 1T comes to a
showdown, if he has the best hand no.
body will believe it, and he won't know
how to fix 'em UP for a new deal. The
party that builds on a tariff founda-
ton has future (while it lasts), and
so has the Weather Bureau. But no.
body wants to rely upon them implic-
lilly. The first time We DON'T get good
tariff or suitable weather, in full ac-
cordance with the bulletins, look out for
the mob.
The tariff is a great and terrible topic.
Looking at it from free trade and
broad-minded standpoint, tariff is
barrier, progress looks backward, Re
publicanism degenerates into plutoc-
racy and monarchism, and the State
letters. Viewed from it's own strong
hold, it is, of course, the reverse of all
The average voter if obliged to vote
for tariff or free trade, will either cast
ballot blindly or in accordance with
the dictates of an oYerburdened and
confused intellect.
After we have nourished our intelli-
gence with questions appertaining to
the new woman, her sphere and the
tariff, and before we vote, we will re-
gale ourselves with the free and unlim-
tied coinage of silver proposition. This
will be refreshing. We will figure up
the ratio of 16 to l, and see how much
more money we would have had if some
other fellow hadn't got it a long time
ago.
If a gold dollar is a dollar. and a
silver dollar is only seventy, eighty or
ninety cents, while a bank note is
neither here nor there, and fiat money
isn't money at all, we had better issue
another edition of bonds, and then re-
pudiate everything in circulation, and
revert to coon .kins and wampum for
a circulating redium. The foregoing
suggestion is as about as clear as any
thing 1 have ever seen or heard upon
the subject.
1t seems to me we either need un-
limited coinage of all kinds of money.
CIR else some sort of a restriction on the
scoundrels who absorb it as fast as it
is produced. What this great and suf-
fering republic needs just about this
time is perishable money. We ought
to have something for money that
would spoil when kept in confinement
something that would explode when
pinched, and be dangerous to have in
warehouses.
In my astute opinion, in this coun-
try (and the world, there is too much
money. We elude all tyrants but
money-the worst of them all. We might
invent some sort of a legal tender for
home use, and make it out of gold, sill
yer or leather, and let the outside
world keep it's own money The money
for home use ought to be bulky and
have its wings cropped. 1t ought to be
of such character as to prevent female
Vanderbilts, Letters, Stokeses. Martins.
Murphys ct al. from taking it with them
" hen they go to Europe and foreign
parts to coo. 1t ought to be hung with
guy ropes.
Money, like many of our luxuries, is