davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

There are Dictionaries and Diction-
aries but the nobest Roman OF them
all seems to be Webster 1t is still
easily in the lead in the great race for
popularity.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

Il should like to know" said one
New York sportsman to another, what
makes Lord Dunraven's apologies SO
slow in getting here" Maybe he's
bringing them over on his yacht" was
the reply.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17
A Good Definition.

Aunt Ito little Oscar)-What dress
had your mother on when she drove
off to the party this evening?
Oscar-A long, white, short dress.
Nonsense, it could not be long ana
short at the same time"
Eyes, aunty. 1t was long at the bot
tom and short at the top"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

Once upon a time, ever and ever SO
long ago. Their was a man named Adam.
And his wife's name was Eve.
And there arose a mighty epidemic
of measles in that land.
But Eve wasn't afraid.
She had Adam.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17
ua Was Ont of Place.

Teacher Thomas, l saw you laugh
Just now. What were you laughing
about?
TOMMY was just thinking about
something.
Teacher-You have no business
thinking during school hours. Don't
let it occur again.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

MIR. Wallace was at the theater last
night a while-I went on Hargraves'
ticket. / wish you wouldn't interrupt
me that way-and, by the way, l saw
your dear friend, Mrs. Fash, in box.
Mrs. Wallace-What did she have
on?
about the only thing l could detect
on her was the gaze of the audience"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

House-owner-Why, man, the snow
is coming down quicker than you
shovel it away. thought you said you
were a quick worker.
Tramp-So l did, but l didn't know
then that you were going to hire me
by the hour.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17
THE HEADQUARTERS.
THE GREAT SAVAGE CANNIBALS
OF BRITISH INDIA.
Eerocious Tribes Who Stay Men and Pre-
serve Their Heads as Trophies of tho
Chase - CHASTITY Ceremonies Of the
NaGas and Was.

HERE are many
persons besides an
thropologists who
will be interested
to learn that one
of the wild tribes
of India, the Nagas,
of the Assam bor-
der. Is giving up
its most distln-
gushing pursuit.
that of head-hunt-
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

Dtnerencs OF Opihioh
well, here is the money you've beell
tormenting me for" said rich uncle
TO his spendthrift nephew. Use it
wisely. and remember that fool and
his money are soon parted"
II don't know about that" replied
the young scapegrace. "I've been coax
ing you more than week for this"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

Long Time Between Meals.
Chappie-Arthur, congratulate me.
I'm going to a swell dinner this day
week. Very swagger affair. splendid
menu, and all that.
Arthur-That's all very we'll, me boy,
but what will you do in the meantime?
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17
A Veto.

Charlie" said Mrs. Newbride,
mamma and the girls are coming to
spend a month with u.s."
"Not If know 1t. When we were en-
gagged you insisted upon my loving you
for yourself alone. want you that
way" replied the ingenious benedict
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

Roundabout Dingy-I had my brain
photographed, Miss Stillwell.
Miss Stillwell-Why. I thought that
impossible.
Roundabout Dingy-The experiment
was doubtful until microscope was
used.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

According to the Hebrew law, o
debtor might be sold as slave.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17

"I (hic) shay, ole mans (hic), VOL
lent be in (hic) yor shoeshs fer tn
worl."
why (hic), wshsemasser?"
"Becaussh your in a (hic) verysh tight
place (hic)."
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1896-04-17
HUMORIST'S CORNER.
NEW JOKES AND JIBES FOR OUR
LEAN READERS.

Sweet Maud Sat In q willow ChaIr-A
Doubtful Experiment - In Very
Tight Place-Every Man His Own
Poet.
The herald., 1896-11-30

the modern isns have arisen. The mod
ern deiusion of Spiritualism has re-
ceived mighty impetus from the fact
that the true Scriptural belief in the
agency and offices of angels In behalf of
men had been allowed to drop out of the
teachings of the popular pulpit. The
craving for it makes many ready to
adopt offhand the fancies and decep-
tions in which they seem to see refiec-
ton of the truth that they are yearning
fer There is another instance In con-
nection with this teaching of the Ad-
vent season. Most of the religious So
cieties which have come into existence
in modern times allowed the doctrine of
the second advent of the Lord to pass
out of mind. But when certain persons
had seen the full force of some OF the
statements of Scripture regarding 1t,
they began to look upon it almost as a
new revelation. They pushed the truth
of the Lords second advent far to the
front and established new society and
called 1t the Second Advent church. But
from the earliest days the church Cath
olic has had her full presentation of
this doctrine--keeping It ever in due re-
lation to other truths. Every member of
the church is already a Second Ad-
ventist, for every Sunday, In the pres
ence of all his brethren, he Joins with
them in protesting his belief in the
words, which, for near 1000 years. have
expressed the Christians faith and hope.
HE shall come, to Judge the quick and
the dead"
The herald., 1896-11-30
SIMPSON TABERNACLE.
DR.. McLean's Address on the Terrible
Evils Of Intemperance.

Simpson tabernacle was we'll attend
ed Sunday evening. Rev. c. c. Mclean
preached, choosing as his subject Tenn
perance in the State. Speaking from
king Alcohol, L. L. d." say doctor Of
laws, because he has learned to doctor
the laws, are we to overcome or are we
to be overcome. Some say we cannot
overthrow It. We had better let 1t alone
Some say we can overthrow 1t, with one
great blow, when we are ready Others
say. let US advance little by little, MAX
ing such reforms as we can enforce.
making progress as we can, fighting step
by step, holding the ground we gain, un-
till we eradicate the evil. This believe
is the true and effective way.
We call King Alcohol the doctor Of
laws because he interferes in the legis-
lation of such laws as affect the traffic
This monster evil is dragging down to
ruin the young manhood of our land, and
this means that we must crush out the
life of this traffic or it will crush out our
lives. Are our laws too stringent when
they close the Sabbath saloons? Other
business houses close their doors Satur-
day night and they remain closed until
Monday morning, because the law says
that is law, and they open no back doors
to sell on Sunday. Can this be said of the
SdlOOUS III ILLS Olty VI Illc AH8SIS. IL
should be said or the law concerning
them should be enforced until they obey
the laws as better citizens do. This
traffic has robbed the state, the church,
society, aye, and the nation. What a
mighty power this mighty king has over
its victims. Let us create a public SEN
timent against this evil. 1 believe In the
majority ruling, and If the majority of
the citizens desire saloon in every cor
ner they should gothere and stay there
until the people tire of them. and the
people rise in their indignation and drive
them out one at time and many at
once. we hope, until there will not be
one left in our beautiful city. This can
only be done when there is public sem
timent to back it-then there will be
hope for our city and hope for the re-
forms we desire to bring about, and we
can help to start this by voting only for
such men as will be true and upright In
Office
Preceding the sermon Prof. c. S. Cor
nell and Miss Delphine Todd sang an ex-
cellent duet. Inspirer and Hearer of
PRAYER.
The herald., 1896-11-30

1sraelites. The forcing Of the Falls Of
Niagara to perform the work Of thou
sands of horses in city miles away Is
more wonderful and useful than the
plaques Of Egypt. Moses struck the rock
In the wilderness and water flowed to
quench the thirst of man and beast; but
cities with millions of inhabitants draw
their water from lakes ard rivers miles
away. In the fields of surgery and cleo
trfcity grand miracles are performed
every day before our eyes. A man that
has been born with genius for healing,
that educates that genius, and that
lives moral and religious life, like
Christ's, can now perform wonders in
his profession; and the wonderful cures
performed by eminent physicians in our
time prove the truth of Christ's state
ment. As Christ himself said, Gods
power operates on the minds and bodies
of men and women through consecrated
genius.
When a man keeps the moral laws
which he knows, his conscience informs
him that he is sinless. When man not
only obeys the laws of religion and NOR
ais but also loves these laws, then his
heart is sinless and blameless.
When mans life rises above
obedience and love and communes
with God in spirit and in truth in the
things which he does, then he is a spirit
ual worshiper of God, and is sinIess in
his spiritual nature. Christ was sinless
In conscience, in heart and in spirit; and
his sinless life is the grandest miracle of
the ages. 1t is prophecy Of humanity's
future advancement in morals and re-
ligion for he showed in his life that we
have innate powers to live sinless lives
even here. God creates human beings
to be moral and religious; and, IL this be
granted, it can easily be shown that 1t
Is possible to train children to live sim
less lives. If we be created in such a
way that we cannot live sinless lives
then we have been created to commit
sin, and God, not man, is responsible for
all the sins Of the world; and this vile
doctrine Of the devil Is held by many un-
believers, and by those who teach that
human nature Is fallen, that we are born
totally depraved, and that we are by
nature children of Satan. Our clumsy
methods Of education, and our barbar-
Gus conceptions of human nature, have
made the world as we find 1t today; and
the dishonesties, adulteries, lies and
murders of this age are the most terrible
impeachments of our inherited creeds,
methods and PHILOSOPHERS.
The herald., 1896-11-30
UNIvERsAL1sT CHURCH.
The Victory and Judgment of Christ
=. -s-- The Lesson of Love.

The pastor, Rev. Mr.. Rice, spoke on
The Victory of Christ, from Mathew xiii,
20: "A bruised reed shall he not break
till he send forth judgment unto
victory" The speaker said, in sub
stance: The world never shall cease to
be astonished at the immensity of the
undertaking of Christ. While Napoleon
with worldly ambition, assisted by
thousands of trained soldiers, conquered
much of the known world, and Abraham
Lincoln, with nobler purpose, sustained
by like faithful men, freed the slaves
and taught the world a moral lesson,
Jesus Christ, unaided and alone, save
as he was with God, proposed victory
over all humanity, even the unborn gen.
erations. He was, and is, to do this by
Judgment. which consists of his own
life, indelibly stamped upon the world,
a light shining in the darkness, and
making that darkness known in con-
trast. Souls shall be measured by the
standard of Christ until every last Cen
tile, or so-called unsaved man, shall be-
come shining light
No less astonishing is the way he at
tains the victory. That he should choose
a mild and apparently weak means of
reaching the end, that he should not
even break the bruised reed, impresses
us forcefully The world has yet to
learn the nature of this most powerful
agent in the salvation of men. While We
try to drive the evil out of men by de-
rouncing 1t, Jesus crowds 1t out by see
best in human nature. When love enters
the soul, sin and wrong depart. The
Judgment sent forth by Jesus is unto
V,tot
The herald., 1896-11-30
UNITY CHURCH.
DR.. Thomson on Christs Theories Of
Miracles.

Yesterday morning the pastor, j. S.
Thomson, preached a sermon on the
question, Did Christ teach that it is
possible for true believers to perform
miracles and to live sinless lives?' from
the text, HE that believeth on me. the
works that do shah he also do; and
greater works than these shall he do;
because l so unto my Father. John.
xiv:l6
Christ certainly taught and proved
that true believers can perform miracles.
The text is plain statement to that ef-
feet His promise after his resurrection
that in his name his followers could heal
diseases, cast out devils and drink with
inpunity poisoned fluids, is another
plain statement that true believers in
Christ can work wonders In their own
departments Of work. He educated,
trained and commissioned his disciples
to perfom miracles. His disciples after
his death worked wonders i'll his name.
Through their miracles of healing and
preaching they eXerted wonderful in
fiuence upon the whole Roman empire;
ard they made far more converts than
their master himself had done. Christ's
statements on this question are still
tue; fol. any man tnat is born with
genius for finance. conlmercs, invention,
discovery, farming, war, singing, paint
ing or poetry, can by educating his
genius and by conservation to his work
perform miracles. Surely the crossing
of oceans thousands OF miles wide in
mighty steamships is a greater wonder
than the crossing Of the Red sea by the
The herald., 1896-11-30
CHURCH NOTES.

DR.. Mclean proposes next Sunday to
preach both morning and evening at
Simpson tabernacle upon the city cleo
ton and the duty of citizens.
The Unity Aid Branch will hold its
regular meeting on Thursday afternoon
at o'clock.
The subject of DR.. Thomson's sermon
next Sunday morning at Unity church
will be "St. Peters Rocks and the Gates
of He'll"
The musical service at st. Vincent s
church yesterday morning was particu-
larly fine. Signor Romandy is compos-
ing special musical service for Christ
mas.
The Unity church choir, under Prof.
w. H. Hamilton, gave beautiful an
them yesterday morning. The offertory
was Verdis From Afar."
The ladies of st. Johns church will
give an evening bazar and entertain
ment tomorrow and Wednesday even
ings.
The herald., 1896-11-30
FIRST METHODIST.
Dr. Wilson on the Program of Christi
anity-The Mission of Christ.

At the First M. e. Church on
Broadway the pastor, John A. B. Will
son, D. D., preached on "the Program of
Christianity" Luke iv:1S-19: Because
the Lord hath annointed me to preach
the gospel to the poor"
This presents at once the subjects and
the objects of his mission. The subjects
were the poor and the object to preach
the gospel Of glad tidings to them. Pow
erty and riches are relative terms. Rich
es indicate surplus and poverty q lack.
find in the books of reference the usual
attempts to spiritualize the whole and
make case Of poverty of spirit from
lack Of the blessings Of grace. 1t seems
hard for humanity to realize that the
mission of the master was to the whole
man. His gospel preached men relief to
the threefold nature of his creatures.
For what were the teachings of his lips
when "the people marveled at his doc
trine?" When they said: Never man
spake like this man." When "he opened
his mouth and taught them, saying?"
For what was 1t all but tosdispel the in
tellectual darkness and save them from
the inertia of their own unintellectual-
ity, to make thinkers of the unthinking,
to arouse intellectual activity which
WuCh PutoucO III IlS lilies W d TlSuI
end is intellectual life.
Then, too, what shall we say of his
feeding the hungry. giving sight to the
blind. unstopping deafness cleansing
lepers and raising the dead? What but
to indicate to us that the preaching of
his gospel meant the opening of hospit-
ais. infirmaries and asylums for the re-
lief of abject conditions? And the ap-
peals to the inner life, repentance and
the new births.
Have you ever thought that in all the
discoveries of archaeology, while mas
sive buildings, aqueducts, tombs and
monuments have been unearthed, there
have been no discoveries anywhere of
eleemosynary institutions? ALI the re-
ligions not of the Bible have been to the
fortunate. This only reveals system of
uplift to the down. -trodden. And to
think that for this only was the Christ
annointed and fou this alone the spirit
came upon him to preach the gospel to
the poor.
Learn, first, that preaching the gospel
to the poor meant relief from the Ills
which they felt most sensibly. This good
tidings from the world without a single
house of mercy 1t has filled the world
with them; for the body, in asylums and
hospitals; for the mind, in schools and
colleges, even for the deaf and dumb and
blind; with churches and ministers and
teachings for the spiritual life.
Second, to preach the gospel to the
poor means that destitution constitutes
a universal ground Of claim.
Third, to preach the gospel to the poor
means that possessions constitute uni
versal ground of obligation to impart.
Freely We have received, therefore freely
give.
Fourth, to preach the gospel to the
poor means such presentation of it as is
suited to their necessities.
Fifth to preach the gospel to the poor
means that no debt is too great for this
liquidation.
Jesus paid it all,
Yes, all the debt owe"
The herald., 1896-11-30

there is the call for review and parade.
What a furnishing of arms, what a
gathering OF accoutrements when the
officer of inspection summons the bat
talions to the line. In extended column,
one by one, is examination made. When
the marching column passes the re-
viewing stand, even there the inspection
Is close and continuing. So must hu-
man lives at ali times and in all places
stand inspection from our fellows; esti-
mates of character must needs be made.
Each will be guaged according to his
talents and his character Since this Is
SO in the realm of our social and busi-
ness life, 1t is likewise true in the sphere
of that close inspection of the Divine Be-
ing, who knows the thoughts and intents
of the heart, and who will demand Of
each one of us an account of our stew
ardship. Nor in this connection must
forget the salute to the colors. When
Roman gladiators were about to en-
gage in bloody struggles in the arena,
in their march around the amphitheater,
before the seat of the Caesar they halted
and cried, We, who are about to die,
salute thee Soldiers in peace and in
war make salutation to the flag. the
symbol of loyal allegiance. With such
devotion we give to God and country the
best our lives can offer, and If duty calls
for more, let 1t be the offering of valiant
souls, who for truth and honor yield
themselves willing sacrifice.
The tattoo call, the call for dis
missal you will hear in the final bene-
diction; and as for taps, not for me that
bugle strain, rather let the angel of the
noiseless wing and feet gently touch the
heavy eyelids to slumber sweet and
summon from earth's bivouac to the
eternal camping ground the sacramen-
tai host of Gods elect. Some eighteen
hundred years ago there walked amidst
Judean hills and through lily fields of
Palestine, the grandest soul and life
earth has witnessed from her birth or
snail witness to her final throes. He, the
Lord of Life and Glory. is the captain of
our salvation, too, and from the heights
above his trumpet tones are for truth
and right, for peace and cheer in the
midst of the battle of life. His banner
invites US to a valiant service, indeed.
1t is the soldier life, it is the soldier call.
Down. to the end of life, brothers,
Marching stout and strong,
Let us cheer the way we tread on.
With soldiers song:
ran we In the midst of strife or
Fall we in the rout.
Death or triumph. dirge or pean,
Let the song ring out"
During the service the church was
crowded to excess many visitors falling
to IND even standing room
onward, Christian Soldiers, was sung
as the recessional hymn, and as the last
notes died away the word of command
was given and the various companies
fled out and formed in open column on
Pico street. When the last man had
fallen into line, headed by the band.
the march back to the armory began.
The herald., 1896-11-30
EPIPHANY CHURCH.
Dr. Trew breaches an Advent Sermon
Preparation for the Second Coming.

The Rev. DR.. Trew preached on the
text, Revelation xii, 20: Even So
come. Lord Jesus!" Yesterday was Ad-
vent Sunday, the first day Of the Advent
season, and the sermon established the
points that if the church is to maintain
the character assigned to her in Scrip
ture, she must be found in the attitude
of expectancy and desire-"Waiting for
the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. .
Each individual Christian heart should
be filled with longing desire. which will
express itself in the words of st. John,
Even SO, come Lord Jesus"
The Episcopal church throughout the
world gives whole month. one twelfth
Of the year, to the advent OF Christ Her
services represent to mankind every
side of divine revelation. She takes the
whole round of the Gospel and gives it
to her Lords household in q regular
course. Her fitness for the office which
her Lord has given her, as witness
and keeper Of his truth, is shown by the
fact that wherever her system Is dis
torted, or when parts of 1t are left out,
men crave so keenly that which IS omit
ted that they devise human substitutes
for it. 1t Il in this way that many Of
The herald., 1896-11-30

A RE INSTANTLY RELIEVED AND
Aquickly and radically cured by elec-
tricity as applied by DIR. SANDEN'S IA
nous ELECTRIC BELTS. Unlike most
complaints which give timely notice of
their visitation, rheumatism is the most
insidious. 1t steals upon its victim with
the subtety of robber, not only render
ing him helpless, but inficting the most
insufferable agony. Nothing in the realm
of drugs or medicines has been found to
cure it.but 1t is now an established fact tha.
electricity gives instant relief and quickly.
entirely eradicates the disease from the
body. DIR. Sanden's improved Electric Belts
are made to meet every possible case of this
terrible disease, and we have many thous-
ands of grateful people cured in this city
and neighborhood who testify to what we
claim. This Belt is a complete battery, so
simple child can manipulate it. but giving
powerful currents. felt by the wearer and
penetrating to every part OF the body. II
is not expensive and is warranted. You
will Immediately fee, the current. or we
forfeit $4,000.
when got your Belt was not able to
work. l could not bear to have anything
touch my back without great pain. be-
gan to improve as soon as started your
treatment, and now, after four months
use l am Well man. MY wire mas been
under the doctors care for years. She
wore the Belt for a month and Is now do
ing nicely under the treatment. and has not
had occasion to visit doctor since"
Writes J. S. johnson of Hueneme, ven-
tura county, California, August IA, 1896.
neat pocket edition Of DR.. Sanden's eel
ebrated work upon Medical Electricity will
be mailed free. but If possible please call
and examine.
SANDEN ELECTRIC CO.,
3o@]5S. Broadway, Cor. and, Los Angeles, Csi.
Office Hours-S IN. to g. p.m.: Evenings
to 8: Sundays 10 to !.
The herald., 1896-11-30
FIGHT IN A RESTAURANT

James wite Is one-legged individual
who yesterday afternoon got into a row
with First street Japanese restaurant
keeper over the price of meal. When
the police arrived on the scene the Jap
and Wite We're mixd up in free fight.
Both were taken to the police station
and booked for disturbance Of the peace,
The herald., 1896-11-30
A SWAP.

We have forty acres one mile from
Riverside to trade for lot, house and lot,
or good equity. in this city. Value $1,000
Our title is good and If you want to see
the land will pay your fare there and
back, if you mean business. Langworthy
Co, 226 South Spring street.
The herald., 1896-11-30
DEATHS

CARTER--In this city. November %. 1895,
William J. Carter. aged "A years.
Funeral from parlors of Orr & Hines. 047
s. Broadway. at2 o'clock Monday, Novem-
ber 30, 1896 Friends and acquaintances In
vited to attend. Interment Evergreen
The herald., 1896-11-30
Axelson Machli
Company
High Grade MacAlne

uffles and Works H.
llol-llea n. Msla q ~
No use of sending your geas-e
or milling away from the dty
longer, as we have put in the
latest improved universal milling
gear-cuttirg machine. Cuts ~ k
Of gears up to "a inchss diameter
Also the very latest Lathe g
Presses, Universal Grinders, ete
4 fine class Of work. 3