The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-11-14
GOOD RES
Its.
As evidence of ~ III


As evidence of T. JLTS.
# McKinley's> .e beneficial results
ip- election we notice a
'lacrity proyement and business
hs D ii many particulars; a few of
, .ost striking we will note. On
.e morning that 1t was known that
Mckinley was certainly elected, seven
stalwart republicans of the dark
browed, kinkey haired kind were seen
crossing a field of a Lafayette farmer.
Immediately following in their foot
steps a new crop of wheat sprung up
with such alacrity that by the time
they reached the outer fence you could
just see their pig-headed craniums
bobbiug amid the waving and ripened
graini Following hard upon their
trail from the effete east came q self
running, self-adjusting threshing ma
chine which harvested the crop in large
sized cotton sacks, and in the rear Of
the machine came flying on wings of
unseIfsh patriotism, agar-nosed yankee
with aforementioned stomach, leather
ears aud flashing diamonds, who offered
the paralyzed farmer 90. so per bushel
m gold tor the seventy thousand
bushels of Mckinley produced wheat!
Nor was this all. The day after this,
about daybreak, the farmers all over
the county were aroused by n dreadful
cracking, side-splitting, thunder-rigged
noise, like the tearing away Of great
slices Of the rock-ribbed earth, or the
sullen twaDg Of colliding mountains.
Dazea, dazzled, d~umbfounded and
rickety, the farmers rushed out doors
to discover that the phenomena was
caused by the tearing of the mortgages
OF their farmsI And as they saw
these dreadful papers-which had
securely kept their grip upon their
lands despite the moving power of a
hundred cycloncs-circling above their
astonished heads, there came a wind
from the aesthetic east, which gathered
the mortgages into a sunny cloud, from
which golden dew was distilled upon
the lacerated earth, which sprouted
the clover, gathered the corn, fed the
hogs, milked the cows and counted the
ehickeHsi
Then, too, the promise of Mckinley
that no foreign coal should ever come
to this land of liberty to vex the toll
ing miner. was fully redeemed. No
sooner had the cable informed the
money lenders of Europe that the pur-
chasing power of gold had won the
battle of ballots IN America, than there
began to appear all along the shores OF
Great Britain, Portugal and Spain inn
mense columns of goal from the ex-
mines of the Old World, piled
mountain high along the sea coast,
in transitu BY the the election
of l.cKinleyi Then was redeemed his
pie ,ge to the confiding American
mir er, that no foreign coal should
coEe from the double worked, ex-
hausted mines of Europe to compete
with the miners Of America, where
oos. VEINS are from one to forty feet
thick, and where the deposits of one
state could furnish The heat of the
And so, also, the Napoleon of big
promises will keep the Polar bear from
IRON invading Louisiana, hickories
IRON peeLng all the year round, and
The sun from rising in the westi
Hsw happy :he rest!. TO the tolling
millions of the westP When they
miners. sturdy farmsis. artls-
ans, mechanics, laborers and profess
of all trades and aEocations
that by the supremacy of the
gold standard idea that they could sell
twice as much VI their labor, and the
products of labor for one dollar as
they scould under bimetallism, great
Of Joy fell from their over
eyes in such copious streams
that the rivers of the great west were
aud the trackless plains of
The Colorados were thoroughly irriga-
tedi
Next to the greal joy Of the western
was the quiet self satisfaction
II the Pennsylvania coal miner, that he
had acted and voted on the promise of
Mckinley, that no foreign coal costing
fifteen cents to import it. should ever
these shores where coal Is now
furnished and delivered at eight cents
per bushel! That unsel6 b sa~tisfaC-
lion OF good deeds fairly done went
deep into their hearts, as after
he election they turned their eyes
owsed the setting sun and saw their
DECENTRALIZATION they had
to suceor and notwithstanding
,efoze closed silver mines, with their
weary. wan, emaciated, hungry wives,
md pinehed-faced, b~arefooted children
into eyes that could give no
or hope, pleading for bread
md clothes.
Long live the noble, self sacrificing
of the eastern mineri
Long live MeKinleyism, its precious
no mis- IS, and philanthropic resultsl
The ss~enarehists" ara now overcome;
he msney-changers aud Goldfish aris-
ocracy are safe until 1900.
II is not likely that "BIg Tom"
iced will be in McKinley's cabinet.
Big Tom" is not just as intimate
9TH HMe and Macki' as others.