Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1896-02-14
AN IMPECUNIOUS ONE.
.de sold GAME OF BLUFF HE PLAYED
ON THE CONDUCTOR.

he Was Sot > Gambler or . Drummer.
but . Bank Cierk-According to the
Man Who Tells the Story. He Ought to
BE an Acto--Oh. 1t Was wickedi
He sat in hotel smoking room. The
air was blue. but men were happy
happy and reminiscent. He stretched
out his legs, thrust his hands deep into
his pockets, andsbetween the puffs spun
this yarn:
For dead cold. icy nerve had al
ways thought we travelling men took the
cake. But the prettiest game of bluff |
ever saw was put up by man who was
neither drummer nor q reporter. but
merely an overworked bank clerk who
had applied for q leave of absence and
gone south to recuperate. He had drawn
a certain sum for the trip and resolved
not to exceed it. Foolishly he had neg
lected to buy an excursion ticket. argu-
ing that he might want to return by
different route. And then. as a matter
of course, he found that he had spent his
money not wisely but too we'll. SO that
he was hundreds Of miles from home.
ticketless and friendiess and well Nigh
penniless. His checEtook was useless.
for no one knew him and he must be
identified.
"All this learned later on. My ac-
quaintance with him began on the train
Of one Of the southern roads. when he
asked me to stake him enough to see
him home. l had already been touched
several times that trip. SO. expressing ev-
cry confidence in his probity. declined
the honor he would do me. He tried
several other passengers with like re-
suit. Then he gave it up. but made US
all promise not to interfere with any
game he tried to play.
Presently the conductor came along.
The impecunious enc, his hat cooked
over one eye. was peacefully sleeping in
enc corner CT his seat. leaning toward
an open window. The conductor shook
him, gently at first. so that he stirred,
and his hat dropped farther over his
eye. but he did not wake. Then more
roughly. saying. Come. sir. your ticket.
please
AT that the impecunious one awoke
with big start. His hat few out of the
window, and he flew into great rage.
He sworc at the conductor and abused
him up and down. him and his fore
fathers unto the third and fourth gener
alton. What did he mean by waking
him in that way? Didn't he know that
rest was invaluable to an invalid: That
such sudden, rude awakening might be
fatal to q weak heart? We're his nerves
of no account? And now he had lost his
hat and would catch cold. 1t was out
ra2eous.
1.-THE conductor bowed before the
storm, and when it had somewhat abat-
ed offered to replace the hat at the first
stopping place. And now. sir. let me
see your ticket, please
1.-THE impecunious one felt in all his
pockets, went through them all again
with bewildered air. Finally he broke
out: why, you idiot, you. all my tick
cts, not only on this road, but straight
through to Chicago, were in the lining
Of my hat, and you knocked it ont of
the window. I'm in a pretty pickle
uoW. 4 ShooSA WIN 1ho W ouy
a fresh set. This piece of idiocy will
cost you your job. I'll report you to the
company and teach you to be more care
full how you startle a nervous man.
1.-THE conductor tried to soothe him,
offered to take him through to the end
of the division. But the impecunious
one would not be appeased. Much good
it would do him to be landed in some
little nearby, one horse southern town
| hundreds of miles from nowhere. BE
wanted to get through to Chicago. He
must get through. He had an appoint
ment there that was worth thousands of
dollars. Finally the conductor, by this
time badly frightened, promised to get
him tickets or passes all the way
through, and the impecunious one sub
| sided And to the end of that road the
conductor, having replaced the dear de.
parted hat, maintained an humbly apol.
ogetic tone that would have wrung tears
Of blood from a stone.
| "And it was only q bluff all SO we'll
carried ont that tho conductor was
completely taken in, and the rest Of Us
rubbed our eyes and wondered whether
the impecunious ones attempt to touch
us was not, after all, a dream.
Later on, travelling over that same
road. told the conductor how he had
been worked. And he said he knew it.
for shortly after that trip he had receiv'
ed a letter and a check, the former con
Tossing the fraud, the latter paying him
the full price Of the passage. And he
added: THAT fellow was genius. If he
had made fuss at first about his tick
cts. I'd have been ON to him in min
ute, but his tickets were forgotten. /,
was his nerves, his health. his heart, hi:
hat that were of importance And t.
think that he had no nerves. or health
or hat-or heart. Oh. it was wicked
But that man has missed his vocation
He ought to be ON the stage. "--Chica
go Tribune.