Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1896-06-12
A MATRIMONIAL JAR.

Tt might have remained there long
time. Picket's new hat, if Mrs. Picket
did not repeat every time her eyes fell
upon it:
"What in the world possessed you to
buy another new hat when you leave it
there for weeks without ever opening
the box it came IMP
"But, " said Picket, ST have not worn
it because you keep telling me that my
old one looks all right.
"Yes, and you already have ~ hats
that you have quit wearing, and you
leave them in your closet covered with
dust. What in the world do you keep
them for? Why don't you throw them
away?"
"Throw them away! And yet you
know very well that you never throw
anything away. You would not throw
away match that had been already
lighted. You're so fond Of saying, 1T
might come in handy. ," .
"Well," said Mrs. Picket, sit is true
that I never throw away things that
might come in handy, but how can old
hats ever come in handy? What sense is
there in piling up old hats which are OF
no use to any one when there are SO
many poor creatures who walk the
streets barefooted?"
"But,'' said Picket, 'they could not
wear my hats on their bare feet.''
81 don't see anything funny in that, %
said Mrs Picket icily. "You know what
I mean. You needn't pretend that you
don't understand me. Why don't you
send for all cid clothes man and sell
him your hats?'
81 never think of it. P"
"I'd like to know what you do think
of. I don't think you think at all But
do as you please. Buy new hats; wear
them; don't wear them. It's your own
affair." Mrs Picket concluded with
saying, You make me tired" and she
retired from the room, slamming the
door with violence which made the
chandelier rattle.
"Such is married life," said the
stupefed Picket, gazing after his wife.
"Whether I do thing or don't do it,
I am certain not to please my wife
Take that new hat, for example! What
did you buy it for, said She when you
never wear it?' and the first day that ]
put it Oh to go out she will be sure to
say, What are you wearing your new
hat for when the other one is all right
still?' -
Some days afterward Picket said to
his wife, 81 am going out.
Indeed, said Mrs. Picket. "Where
are you going?'
81 am going to see poor Marley, who
is ill"
'And do you put on your new hat to
see poor Marley?"
"Just what I expected you to say"
remarked Picket. Eyes, that is what
am going to do. am going to wear my
new hat. See?"
"Well, why don't you throw your old
one in the closet with the others?"
With rising rage Picket took up his
old hat, opened the closet door and
hurled the hat into the closet
There, said he, 81 hope you will
give me a rest on this hat businessp'
THAT makes the twenty eighth, - re-
piled Mrs. Picket, with burst Of sar-
donic laughter.
Picket went out. He started toward
Marley's house, but he had scarcely
gone more than q couple Of blocks when
it began to rain.
"There, - said the unfortunate Picket.
"Just my luck Beginning to rain. Got
new hat on and no UNI brella.''
He started into neighboring door
way to wait until the shower should
cease, and as he did SO man carving
long plank on his shoulder turned and
| swept the unfortunate Picket's hat from
| his head into the gutter.
Cursing like a pirate, the luckless
Picket pursued his new hat and rescued
it from the gutter, much damaged and
covered with mud. A passing good Sa-
marian stopped and said to him:
'There's a halter a couple of doors
up the street there. He will brush it off
and touch it up with the iron, and it
will be all right
"Thank you,' said Picket, and he re-
paired to the hatter's. When he had his
hat polished, he stood upon the doorstep
for moment, and, not wishing again
to expose his hat to the fury Of the ele-
ments, he determined to step into a
friendly restaurant next door, where he
would wait until the storm was over. He
went in, seated himself at table, hung
up his hat on one Of the hooks over his
head, ordered Il sandwich and began to
look over the paper. But he could not
take his mind away from the satirical
welcome which he knew his wife would
extend to him when he returned with
his damaged hat However, the Rubicon
had to be crossed. The rain had ceased.
He rose, and, still rejecting on his
W1fe's reception, took hat from the
hook and was about to go when two
walters came up to him and grabbed him
by the collar.
p "Now we've got him." said one
eyes," said the other; "we've got
him now. This is the fellow who has
been stealing hats. %
Picket, paralyzed with establishments,
protested. What! [ steal hats?' he
said. 'tWhat do you mean?''
You will have an opportunity to ex-
plain this at the police station" was
the reply, and the proprietor, who had
Whlstled for a policeman at the door,
51lned him over to the hands Of a blue
COATED guardian of the peace. The un-
tffsfs1r, q r.. -; cl-.as -r-,c --a,.1o1 II II