Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1896-04-08
FEMALE DOCTORS.
SOME REASONS WHY THEY CAN'T BE
SUCCESSFUL.

SOME REASONS WHY THEY CAN'T BE
SUCCESSFUL.
These are the days of the new wo-
man. We hear of her at early morn
and when the chilly night breezes
blow We see her on the bike, driv-
ing, speaking from the platform,
studying law, type writing and we
meet her on every avenue of activity.
The female doctor is becoming almost
as common as her trousered opposite.
She is bobbing up in every city. Grim
death will have to keep both eyes
open or he'll have lot of starving I'M
derta kers on his hands. Here's what
a writer says on the subject:
"a man, if there is nothing the mat
ter with him, might call a female doc
tor, but if man was as sick as d horse
the last thing he'd want around him
would be a.woman doctor. And why?
Because when a man has female
fumbling around he wants to feel well.
He don't want to be bilious or feverish,
with his mouth tasting like cheese and
his eyes bloodshot, when the female is
looking over him and taking account
of stock. Of course these female doc
tors are good-looking or have been,
and if one of them came into sick
room where man was in bed, and he
had chills and was as cold as wedge,
and she should sit up close to the bed
and take his hand, his pulse would
run up to 1870 and she would prescribe
for a fever when he had chilblains
Oh, you can't fool us on female doc
tors.
Now. in all fairness, what would
some of our friends want with a female
doctor anyhow? You have all seen
doctors put their hands under the bed
clothes and feel of a mans feet to see
if they were cold If a female doctor
should do that it would give man the
cramp in the legs or the epileptic fits. A
male doctor can put his hands on a
mans liver and lungs and asks if he
feels any pain; but if female doctor
should do the same thing it would
make man sick, and he would want
to get up and kick himself for employ
ing female doctor.
''Oh, there's no use in talking; it
would kill man. Now suppose man
has heart disease, and female doctor
should want to listen to the beating of
his heart. She would lay her right ear
On his left breast, so her eyes and rose
bud mouth would be looking right into
his face and her wavy hair would be
scattered all around them, getting tan
gied in the buttons of his night shirt.
Don't you suppose his heart would get
in about 20 extra beats to the minute
You bet! And she would smile and
show her pearly teeth. and the ripe lips
would be working as though she were
counting the beats. and he would think
she was trying to whisper to him, and
well, what would he be doing all this
time?
IF he was not dead yet, which
would be wonder, his left hand would
brush the hair away from her temple
and kinder stay there to keep the hair
away, and his right hand would get
kinder nervous and would move
around to the back of her head and
when she had counted the beats few
minutes and was raising her head he
would draw the head up to his and kiss
it once for luck. and have her charge
it in the bill.
And then reaction would set in
and he would be as weak as cat. and
she would have to fan him and rub his
head until he got over being nervous
and then make out his prescription
after he got t" sleep. No; all a mans
symptoms change when a female doc
tor begins practicing on him, and she
would kill him dead"