davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

Calendars of all kinds and sizes
herald the coming year. Many are to
be had for the asking-many without
asking-but to them as to other things
the rule might be applied that what
costs nothing is worth about what II
costs. The calendar we always welcome
has just reached us. We refer to the
one published by N. ". Aver & Son.
Newspaper Advertising Agents. Pnlla-
delphia. This issue seems II posslp!e
even better than it's predecessors. Hand
some enough for the library, and YET
carefully adapted for everyday use, II
is naturally a great favorite. The firms
well-known motto, keeping EVerlast-
tngly At 1t Brings Success" appears
this year in a new and very attractive
form. The daily presence OF this IN
spiring motto is worth far more than
the price of any calendar. The date
figures are so large and clear that they
can easily be seen across the room. Inc
reading matter on the flaps Will alSC
possess interest to the progressive
Those who have used this calendar II
other years will not be surprised u
learn that the demand for it Is con
stantly increasing. Once introduced
becomes a welcome friend. Its prlc'
(25 cents, includes delivery, in per1ec
condition, postage paid, to any address
There are in the United States more tina
Q. 600 women physicians.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
An Important Item.

Dingle-I hear you are going to get
married next month?
Wingle-Yes; hope to.
Dingle-Well, l suppose you are
pretty busy. Have you selected a place
to live in yet?
Wingle-Not yet.
Dingle-Haven't got around to It, l
suppose. What are you going to give
your bride for a wedding present?
Wingle-I don't know.
Dingle-That so? Decided on the
ushers' presents yet?
Wingle-Not yet
Dingle-Well, well! Going to keeI
house or board?
Wingle-Cant tell,
Dingle-You are strange fellow
On the eve of your wedding and moth
ing done. What are you waiting for
anyway?
Wingle-I am waiting, old man, tt
learn the size of her fathers check.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
The Girl" of 1925.

Scene: A luxurious tenement. Time, |
morning. Enter servant-hunting mat
ron meekly.
Biddy Ito Applicant you want to
hoire yerself out to me as me mistress
Ell?
Applicant (most deferentially)-Yes,
if you please.
Biddy-Will, Dim not amy too
anxious fer to take ", but Ofll think
about it. Did you bring references?
Applicant (agitated)-Oh, yes; here
are several from domestics who did me
the extreme honor to engage me as
their mistress. and the reasons why
they left, showing that it was no fault
of mine.
Biddy taking them)-Ah, yes, here's
wan from Mary O'Toole, who married
the aldermin. Anither from Maggy
Mcsweezy, who ran off wild the Frincn
count. bad cess to her! q wanted him
meself.) Well, we'll, what's yer price?
Applicant pay $1OO a week for the
privilege of being your mistress.
Bid5y-Ach! do you want us to
sbtarye t. death? Divvil bit will OF
sthir for amy such wages. Good day.
mum. No more palaver about it!
Applicant-Tll make it twenty-five
better.
Biddy-Now, you're jist beginnin' 10
shout. Have We a pianner IN the 90
mistic boudoir, and family entrance
to your wine cellar.
Applicant-Oh, certainly. You won't
be able to find any fault in that matter
Biddy-How many days out do yoc
agree to?
, Applicant-Four days and eight
nights out in the week.
Biddy-That's merely dacent. Wh'
does your cooking, washing, ironing
door-tendin' and other incidintals?-
Applicant-Oh, we hire that done b,
specialists, Of course.
Biddy-That's roight. Oh loikes t
see folks respectable. Children?
Applicant (shocked)-oh, dear, nc
We're too up-to-date for that.
Biddy-Thats sinsible. Will, OH
come. What will be me official ca
pacity?
Applicant-Youll have nothing to q
but wear lace cap and flirt with tn
coachman.
Biddy-Blonde or brunette?
Applicant-Brunette.
| Biddy-Thot settles it. l won't com
/ Bein' brunette mesilf, do you thin
u that OF could make love to anybody bl
j a blonde? Be off wild y. Ohm &c
superstitious to tempt the fates, on
dom'd If OF bleach me hair fer ann!
body. Good day, mum.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
High, Low Jack.

Fine ice means very cold weather, then
comes a high old time in skating Kinks, and
skating ponds, on slides and rides, and we
90 home tired and overheated. It's the
same old story of cooling off; off with
wraps and on with all sorts of aches and
pains, rheumatic, neuralgia, sciatic, lum-
bagic, including frost bites, backache, even
piper. We cut up Jack and are brought
ioT by our own folly. What Of it, the
dance will so on all the same. 1t is gener-
ally known that st. Jacobs Oil will cure
all such aches and pains separately or col
lectively, and the cry is on with the dance.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
rnr WORLDS EARLIEST POTATO.

That's Salzer's Earliest, fit for use III
% days. Salzer's new late tomato
Champion of the World, is pronounced
the heaviest yielder in the world, anu
we challenge you to produce its equal!
10 acres to Salzer's Earliest Potatoes
yield 1000 bushels, sold in June at $l'oo
a bushels $4,000. That pays. A Woru
to the wise. etc.
Now if you will cut this out and se"'
1t with 10c postage you will get 1fee'
10 packages grains and grasses, In
Guiding Teosinte, Lathyrus, oano
vetch, Giant Spurry, Giant Clover'e'c'
and our mammoth seed catalogue. W'n
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
4 WAY of Accounting For II.

How do you account for the rapid
changes of the weather" said Kildun
to Skldmore.
~ attribute them to the presence OF
quicksilver In the Thermometers"
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
sebastapol Was Not Impregnable,

For it was taken by assault, but physique
built up, q constitution fortified by Hostel
ter's Stomach Bitters, may bid defiance to tha
assaults of malarious diseases even in localities
where it is most prevalent and malignant.
Emigrants to the ague- breeding sections of
the West should bear this in mind and start
with supply. The Bitters promptly subdues
dyspepsia, rheumatic and kidney COM
plants, nervousness, constipation and bilious
ness.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
A Slight difference.

Shells II true that YOU wouldn't
stop playing poker to eat2"
He--"Not exactly. But frequently af-
ter playing poker I stop eating" i
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

In Australia, where the railroads are
owned by the people, third class passen
ger fares are one third of cent per mule
and first class less than cent. Yet the
raads paw profit.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

In Ohio board of pardons works well.
1t decreases instead Of increases the num-
Der of pardons granted, and is blessed
relief to the Governor.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
Made No Difference.

Mrs. Runnitt-I don't see any par
ticular advantage In our sex wearing
boomers.
Mrs. Enthusiastically not?
Mrs. Runnitt-Becaus men continue
10 wear the pants Notwithstanding.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

He-Will you take my arm? Miss Elderly
Whats the matter with the rest Of you!
Town Topics.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

A railroad ge~- yins to ask for a
receiver about the time there isn't any
thing TO receive. -Chicago Times Herald
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

They're talking OF lighting up the Hell
lespont with electric lights, not for tina
benefit Of future Leanders, but Of COM
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

One hundred and sixty plows recently
started in a row in blowing match IN
Hartford. England.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

"Eanson's Magic Corn ga1ve."
Warranted to cure or money refunded ASK your
druggist for it. Price Is cents.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30
A Very Desirable Calendar.

The Amazon is navigable for 1000 miles
above its mouth.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

81 guess fathers forgot all about
me; it's because I'm q woman, ! sup
pose; he was just the same with mother
when she was alivev-Truth.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

A man in Quitnan, Mo-, has just re-
ceived 500 from the Government for
horse killed during the war.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

But mark the consequences grave
Of Mary's innovation;
The priest and congration too
Now bike like thunderation!
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-01-30

Biddy-Thot settles it. I won't come.
Bein' a brunette mesilf, do you think
that Oh could make love to anybody but
n blonde? Be off wild Y. Oi'm too
superstitious to tempt the fates, and
dom'd If OF bleach me hair fer amy
body. Good day, mum.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18
THE NEWS AND OBSERVER, SUNDAY. OCT. 10, 1896.

mean grewsome looking gowns, but
black with dainty trimmings upon 1t,
or black as a background for another
shade, but always black for the dress
proper. Naturally this makes 1t pos
sible to remodel ones frocks; and |
advise women who haven't q great
deal of money to spend ON their gowns
to adopt the black costuming. Give
one of your neighbors the privilege of
being the first woman 10 appear in
her winter frock. Some day / am 60
ing to write a sermon--a sermon on
the wise spending of money and the
proper dressing of ones self. You
needn't laugh-way back i'm the time
of John Haywood fools wrote and
preached sermons, because they under
stood mankind So when you see It
announced that there is to be sermon
with a moral and a text, don't refuse
to read it merely because it is signed
Bah.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18
JACK AND JILL.

IA Neglected Detail of a Sad H'istoryo
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To get a pail of water"
Now Jack was not Jill's fathers son,
Or Jill Ja>k's fathers daughter.
Unfortunate it is to state,
For had she been his sister,
IT'S hardly probably that Jack
Would then and there have kissed
her.
Nor is it like that, if the tike
Had been the maiden's brother,
She would have waited while he took
Another and another.
And his had not become the lot
Who wrote their tragic story,
To tell how their excursions end
Was in disaster CORY.
They had not then remained till ten
O'clock, both growing dafter.
Nor darkness made poor Jazz fail
down
And Jill come tumbling after.
IT S. VARNUM.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18
Itching,
Burning,
Eczema

Is the external indication of a COM
dition of the blood which produces a
fiery irritation almost unbearable. 1t is
a mistake to think that this local irrita-
ton is the disease itself-it is simply an
evidence of disordered condition of the
blood. The seat of the disease is in the
blood, and this is why the various salves
and ointments usually applied have no
effect whatever They cannot possibly
reach the origin Of the trouble; only a
blood remedy can do that. S. S. S. is
without an equal for blood diseases, and
promptly aud permanently cures Eczema
and removes all faint.
Much torture could be avoided if the
first itching symptoms were needed and
a course of SIS. taken promptly, as APP
parently insignificant sin irritations
usually develop into the worst form
of Eczema unless properly treated.
1t matters not what other treatment
has been tried III vain, S. S. S. always
gets at the seat of the disease, and
forces it out,
Mr. William Armstrong, an old resi-.
dent and highly respected citizen OF
De Pere, Wis, writes on April Ist, 1896.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18
lAS NO WINTER GOWNS.

But we will chat about something Of
less Importance. What sort of win
ter gown are you going TO get? Here's
a bit of advice for you: If you are in
the habit of buying one pretty frOelI
in the autumn do not permit yourself
to run after false gods in the shape
of over-bright colors, or, indeed, to Sc
lect for ii any color that is announced
as the rage Nobody wearies of popu-
lar color as soon as the woman who
has to wear lit often. Many women
after they pass 30 select always to
wear black, but by black they do not
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18

The inquiry is now heard in all CEN
tiers:
s'Why did Hanna and the others pay
McKinley's debts?"
"What are they driving at?"
"What are they to get out of it if
Mckinley is nominated and electedP'
SCAN the Republican party afford to
put up mortgaged candidate2"
It should be remembered that the
Sun is now supporting Mckinley. HAS
TT JOINED THE SYNDICATE2
Which is the better of the two, "53
cent (?) dollar" candidate or a "Sh
cent dollar endorser" mortgaged can
didate?
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18
TIM CAMPBELL's LATEST.

The New York Sun tells this one Of
the Hon. Tim Campbell, who is run
ming for Congress there:
'Fellow-citizens,' he said, yes have
had har-rd tonnes, God knows, but vote
for Mckinley n Tim Campbell an ilict
Thin, am, mar-rk me worlds, tn
pararies I'll blossom loilSe tn rose, an
tn face Of Uh' whole country II be-
come loize tn vargin forest
" 'G'wan Tim, know yes n what d
YES know about yargin FORESTS.
What's vargin forrest, limp said a
man in the crowd.
:" A vargin forrest, We ignoramus, is
a forrest where tn hand of man niver
put fut'" said Tim.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18

10, could after years of APPLICATION OF
round "O's' suddenly make sharp
"O's" with success, she could not IN
a moment lrag down from their
crossed, and count shading altogether
height all her "Ps," leave her It's" un-
crossed, and count shading altogether
out. SO combination resulted that
is hybrid handwriting, quite on a par
with that Of the great Napoleon; but
blame the school teachers of the past.
Personally, / have the hndest feeling
in the world toward people who write
indistinctly, but there are some things
i'm letter writing that / do not forgive.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18


tsI have been a sufferer for eight years
Nyith that horrible disease, Eczema, at
times all over my body, and no person
can describe the burning and itching I
had to endure.
s'The extent of my suherings can Dc
appreciated when / state that my COM
dition was such that I could not take
my bed, and for three months never
laid down, but was compelled to SIT IN
INV chair when not moving around. I
was treated by the best of physicians
with no success, and tried all the patent
medicines recommended for Eczema
without any good results. I then went
TO the Indiana Mud baths, with the same
results, and then to Mt. Clements, the
celebrated medical resort, where the
treatment partially helped ME, but the
disease shortly returned. went to
Florida, thinking that a change Of eli.
mate and water and the citron fruit
might cure me, bat found no cure.
fIthen tried S. S.S.and after three days
the burning and itching subsidized, and
continued to improve steadily until I
was we1l-entirely cured. After come
mencing s. S. S. never put an exter"
nal application to my limbs or any part
of my body. You may refer to me any
person suffering from Eczema. / will
always keep the S. S. S. in my house,
for I consider it the best blood medicine
of the present age. am seventy years
of age and am now in perfect health"
For real blood diseases relief can only
be obtained BY using a real blood reme-
dy. So many people who are sufferers
from an obstinate or deep-seated blood
disease make the mistake of taking REM
edies which at best are only tonics and
cannot possibly reach their trouble. 1t
is in Just such cases which other so-called
blood remedies cannot reach that SIS.
has made some of the most wonderful
cures.
S. S. S. cures permanently Cancers
Catarrh, Rheumatism, Eczema, letter,
Contagious Blood Poison, Scrofula, and
all other diseases having their origin in
the blood. It is
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18
IDIosYNCRAsIEs IN WRITING.

One is pale, gray paper with the
opinion of the writer put upon it in
white ink. Another is a sin of which
Miss ellen Terry is guilty; she writes
ON the thinnest of paper with the black
est of ink, and the heaviest OF quilts.
The effect is mysterious and you are
rather pleased at it's being thought that
you understand Chinese heiroglyphics,
but you never really make out the COM
binatiop. The writing is plain enough,
but the paper is so thin that Its" and
'y'a' and "q's" that belong on the
other side force their way through
and mix in where they don't belong,
and the result Is pandemonium.
Mr.. Irving writes a curious old-fash-
Toned hand, not absolutely distinct,
and requiring n clew to start with;
but, after you know what he is writing
about then the mystery is solved with
out any further trouble. Young Soth-
ern writes a small, neat, distinct hand,
that in some way or other suggests
the way his clothes fit him. Mrs. Ken
dial writes a clear, rather small hand,
but her letters have way of run
nuing of that suggest the decided in
dividuality on the part Of the writer.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1896-10-18
A Real Blood Remedy.

and gets at the seat of disease and forces
it out promptly even after other so-ca1led
blood remedies have failed. S. S. S. Is
guaranteed purely vegetable.
Books on blood and skin diseases will
be mailed free to any address by Swift
Specific Co., Atlanta, Ga.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1896-07-22
SELECTED STORY.
Pm Sorry,

There is much that makes me sorry as journey
down earth's way,
And seem to see more pathos in poor human lives
each day.
I'm sorry for the strong, brave men who shield the
weak from harm,
But who in their own troubled hour find no pro-
tecting
I'm sorry for the victors who have earned success,
to stand
AS targets for the shot by envious failures
hand;
And I'm sorry for the generous hearts who freely
shared their wine,
But drink alone the gall of tears in fortunes drear
decline.
I'm sorry for the souls who build their own fame's
funeral pyre,
Derided by the scornful throng, like ice derIdinp
fire
And I'm sorry for the conquering ones who know
not sins defeat,
But daily tread down fierce desire meath scorched
and bleeding feet.
Pm sorry for the anguished hearts that break with
passions strain,
But I'm sorrier for the poor starved souls that
never know loves pain,
who hunger on through barren years, not tasting
Joys they crave;
For sadder far is such lot than weepine DER a
grave.
Pm sorry for the souls that come unwelcomed into
birth;
I'm sorry for the unoved old who cumber up the
earth;
I'm sorry for the suffering poor in ifes great mae
strom hurled
In truth Pm sorry for them all who make this toll
ing world.
But underneath whate'er seems SAD and is not un.
derstood,
l know there lies, hid from our sight, mighty
germ of good
And this belief stands close by me, my sermon,
motto, text
The sorriest things in this life will seem grandest in
the next Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1896-07-22
General and Mrs. Garfield.

Mr.. Curtis, in the Chicago Record,
tells these interesting stories, one
about Mrs. Garfield, the other about
the general and his good fortune after
the nomination in 1880:
Mrs. Garfield is living quietly at her
old home at Mentor, in the suburbs of
Cleveland, and the place has been much
improved. 1t Is now one of the most
beautiful and comfortable farm resi-
dences in Ohio, and an ideal place for
quiet, retired life. 1t is only fifteen
minutes on the cars from Cleveland.
and less than half an hours drive from
gainesville, which is an educational
center, and one of the most attractive
as well as one of the most cultured
communities in the world. Mrs. Gar
field is a rich woman now, but her
wealth came with her sorrow. Her
early days, and, in fact, all of her life,
even up TO the death of her husband,
was passed in the closest economy, and
she was often deprived of the comforts
and luxuries that usually pertain to
people of her station.
General Garfield never had ANYTHING
but his salary. He was an open-handed
man, generous and careless with his
money, and was scarcely ever able to
make both ends meet, but Mrs. Gar
field now has an income of $4,000 as
interest from the fund that was raised
for her by Cyrus w. Field after the
assassination, and pension from con-
gress of $4,000, which gives her 1871 900
a year to use as she pleases and she
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1896-07-22

does not spend fifth of it, All of the
children are well fixed. Mollie. the
Oldest child, is the wife of Mr.. Stanley
| Brown, the representative of the
Alaska Commercial Company at Wash
ington. James and Harry are practic.
ing law in partnership at Cleveland.
and are rapidly making both money and
reputation. James is member of the
Ohio state senate, with an excellent rec.
ord. They are both splendid fellows,
and promise TO be useful and famous
men.
General Garfield had more money a
few days after his nomination than he
ever mad at any other time in his life.
lie reached Cleveland from the Chi
cage convention with just $50 in his
pocket. This represented all the
wealth he had in the world, except his
mortgaged home at Mentor. Knowing
this circumstance, Mr.. Sylvester T. Ev-
erett, the well-known Cleveland banker
in whose house he was guest, started
out one morning with little subscrip-
ton paper, and came back with Ten
$1,000 checks, one of which bore his
own signature. He fixed UP a bank
book with package of blank checks,
put them all in an envelope, an6 at the
first opportunity handed the package to
Garfield with a remark that there was a
little pin money for his personal ex-
penses during the campaign, and an ex-
PLANTATION that not penny of it was to
be spent for political purposes. When
the general realized the amount and
the nature of the gift he fell upon Ev-
eretts neck and wept like child. He
said that the greatest load he had to
bear had been taken from him, for he
had been lying awake nights wonder
lug how he was going TO meet his per-
sonal expenses during the campaign.
He said, 100, that he never had so
much money before in his life.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1896-07-22
He Showed His COIOrs.

Captain Charles Burgess, who com.
manded the American bark " Bonnie
DOOM" served in the navy during the
war, and acquired the idea that the
Star Spangled Banner was good enough
for anybody and any place. He made
a voyage to Seville, Spain, recently
and, upon his arrival at that port the
United States consul called on him,
and requested him not to display the
stars and stripes any more than he
could help, and particularly on Sunday.
" Why not?" said Captain Burgess.
"Because the populace might make
trouble" replied the consul. "You
might risk it weekdays, but on Sun
days they are all out, and they don't
like the sight of the stars and stripes"
"All the more reason for displaying
them, them" cried Captain Burgess.
" And" he says since he returned, 81
kept my colors flying all the time. p
Pioneer Press.