The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-05-23
Odds and Ends.

nave you nearU That the Dig sleeves
are going out, George, dear? Yes
my love. have, but don't believe it,
why not, pray e s Il don pelleye they
can get through the. door Z. sssss ' n.
/ Are you ball crank, Miss Beekin-
EStrete 2" "I was, afflicted with mild
attack Of pileromania last summer" an
sWered the Boston maiden, but this
year have taken but little interest. . Y y
Dodge i attended q, scarce last night.
The medium called up the spfrit@pf Ma
poleon. Lodge What message does be
send? Dodge-He denies everything and
demands an investigation. - 7
! she-Nhat made you SO late coming
home night before last? He-Humph!
You nave been d long time remembering
to ask me- Size Yes;,I thought I would
give you time enough to get UP asgood
excuse. u
Not Selfish Why do you and Bobby
qtfarref so much? I hope my Willie is
not selfish little boy No, n1amma.
I'm not selfish, but Bobby is. He,always
wants to play games don't want to. I"
Aunt Ann-Do you mean to tell me
that those Hif1ies actooally served claret
punch at their gatherfn's? How wicked
Maud Edith (who sampled some OF the
punch Mot wicked, aalnty, merely
weak.
weary Virgins Uneasy Walker is de
eluckiest Teller on de road. Tired Trad
dies -How's that? Weary Wiggins-He's
Ia somnambulist, an'does all his walking
iii hts sleep. Dat gives him all day to
loaf In. ..., .s...
Brown why do. you stop 50 often?
Can't you keep up with me? Typewriter
(who Is rather shaky in her orthog-
raphyJ-Oh, yes; but your lam guage is SO
ELOQUENT that i frequently find myself
spell bound.
) Here, move on, Hayseed.
What are yer waiting for? Uncle Micah
I'm. waiting for a man who offered to
take my watch to get It regulated. He
ought to be back now. It's nigh two
hours since he went. ), /.
Tom Mamma, when Willie, has the
toothache you always take him to the
dentists to have his tooth filled, Ell?
Mother-CertainIy child. Tom-I've got
a. pain in my stomach. Hadn't we better
go to the pastry cooks?
( mike" said plodding Pete, who had
ben reading from a stray scrap OF paper,
what does .dernier resort mean Me
andertng Mike looked at him with super
cilious contempt Of superior knowledge
and replied: work 80
Northumberland "A. beautiful whine
you use in asking for dime!i You really
ought to have that voice cultivated. Dis
mai Dawson-WelI, I don't know but
mught be within to hey it cultivated
say under the Irrigation system, s
7 hear" said the Cheerful ldiot,Ntflat
they are talking Of revising the costume
OF the Goddess OF Liberty and what
will Il be, prray?" asked the Typewriter
boarder, who has q wheel: Red, W Tl3.
and boomers said the Cheerfu.ll Idiot !
Blinks- Say, links, people are saying
that you lived out West under an as
s,1rned name. Jii1ks--It's lte,,ssan, infa=
famous lie, sir. Binks-Y You were known
there as Mr.. Jinlson, weren't you? .Ji1fks
--Jimson is my real name. My present
name is assumed. 5000 Mn ~
'.And, Of course you weren't a bit sea:
sick crossing the Atlantic?"' Eyes, was
horribly .'::And wasn't the voyage
the toughest the captain saw in years.?
No; it was comparatively smooth"
.'Great Scott! / don't believe you've
been across at all: