Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-03-09
JUST FOR FUN.

The man who wants to fnd 1aulG
doesn't usually have to spend much
time looking for it.
Jess-I wouldn't allow a horrid man
to kiss you, wou Id you? Bess- Ger
tainly not; 1 don't know any such.
A Philadelphia paper prints as
joke the question, "Will Harrison's
wedding make him Dimmick craft"
When man starts in to drown his
troubles, he generally acts as if he
thought they were located in his
stomach.
Every woman regards the confess
sion of young man that he is trying
to be better man as equivalent to a
proposal.
Mr.. x. (who has bow legs, to the
photography = For mercy's sake,
hurry up, I can't hold my knees to-
gether any longer.
He if there is anything woman
enjoys it is being martyr. She-And
how willing some man is to help her
enjoy herself that way.
Brown Ever see such a quarrel
some character as Smith? Jones'
Never. I think he'd provoke pro-
fessional pugilist into fight.
Wife No one who is respectable
will be in debt. Husband-On the
contrary, my dear, no one who is not
respectable can get credit.
Hobbs Wiggles says he pays his
wife JUS as much attention now as
when they were first married. Nobb
Her money was left so she can only
draw interest.
Mamma, teacher whipped a boy
to day for whispering in school,"
''Well, that was right" "But, mann
ma, he hollered ten times as loud as
he whispered"
Mrs. Swelle (whose hip has been
broken) oh, doctor, I am SO afraid
one leg will become shorter than the
other. What shall do if it does? DR..
Gruffe-Limp, madame.
''Did you fall?" said man rushing
to the rescue of a woman who slipped
on the icy pavement. Oh, no, she
said, 81 just sat down to see if could
find any four leaf clovers."
Mrs. Cosby i think young Mr..
Chatter is a delightful conversation
alist. Mr.. Cosby Well, yes. He
succeeds pretty we'll for a man who
never has anything to say.
Wade Jaggers is always Boosting
that his drinking doesn't affect his
nerves; says he sleeps like top.
Butcher -S'pose so; his head goes
spinning round and round.
Tommie-Papa, what does it mean
when it says: "Cast your bread upon
the waters, and it shall return after
many days?" Father-It means, my
son, that your mother never made it.
Marie-Please don't ask me to cut
the butter; if I did I would have to
wait seven years to get married. Her
Maiden Aunt-Give it to me. If it's
only seven years-that's not long to
wait.
Mr.. Thinkum Whenever there is
trouble in the world there is woman
at the bottom of it. Mrs. Strongmind-
That may be, but you can't deny that
when the trouble is over the woman is
on top.
Isn't that Miss Smedley? 1 thought
she was sick. Somebody told me DR..
Pankey had given her up. Well, he
did sort O. give her up, but not till af-
ter he had tried five or six years to
get her.
Jayson-Say, Wilson, do you ever
expect to pay me that ten dollars you
got from me some months ago? VIII
SON Certainly not. Don't you re-
member you said not to pay it till it
was convenient?
'For my part, whispered the young
bridegroom, as the train plunged into
the thick darkness, II don't consider
a long tunnel much of bore. Do
you?" But the young bride answered
not. Her lips were sealed.
eff you love me,'' he said impress
lively, 'you will never chew gum an
der any circumstances. lam satisfied
that it is injurious.'' ''But, Alfred"
she protested, "you know haven't
and caramels" 1t was only then that
he realized what a mistake he had
made