Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-09-17
Mr.. BARNES WILL.


about wills. ..... 3.
In fact, if it were not for the lost
wills, the forged wills, the stolen wills
and the wills that have turned up just
at the right moment to avert untold
misery, the storehouse of fiction would
have space for sale. .. .i
I therefore feel that in telling still
another tale about will am imposing
on long-suffering public. ! fully un,
derstand that it would be only natural
for people to say:
look here, we are sick of wills; es-
pecially those in which we are not men
toned. If you must tell something,
tell it about love, adventures, hair
breadth escapes or desert islands, and
let wills alone"
But there are two things that lead me
to defy popular opinion and tell the
story anyhow. One is that it really isn't
half bad, and the other is that both Rob
bins and Fox have asked me to make the
matter public, so that they will be SET
right in the eyes of the community.
Only last week Robbins came to me
and said:
perkins. that business about old
Barnes will is q frst-rate joke on Fox,
and l don't see why you don't write it
up for the papers. You needn't mention
me at,all, you know, except to correct
any false impressions"
"All right" said I, eff it will please
you 1 will do it, of course. AS you say,
its an, elegant joke on Fox"
Night before last when 1 was down IT
the Octopus club, Fox drew me into a
corner and said in confidential whis-
per:
perkins, why don't you print that
thing about old Barnes will and show
up Robbins? It's q mighty good thing
on Robbins, and if you tell it right it
will make people laugh. The facts
ought to be known anyhow"
said: Fox, I've been thinking about
that myself, and I've concluded todoit."
That's right" said he, as we strolled
downstairs to take, on FoX's invitation,
a cold bottle. That's right, and il
Robbins finds out you're doing it and
tries to make you stop, tell him to go to
thunder"
Both Fox and Robbins are bookkeep,
ers by occupation, Fox working for a
Wholesale grocer on Front street, and
Robbins being engaged in a gigantic
hardware emporium, where he is
obliged to rein his poetic fancy and keep
his mind fixed on nails, stoves, flatirons
and other vulgar necessities. 1t is only
once a year, and then but for the short
space Of some fourteen days, that they
are able to escape from the bonds Of
business and give. free scope to the
reckless fancies with which they are en-
dowed.
BY an ingenious system Of swapping
with their fellow employees they gener-
ally manage to secure their vacations at
the same time, and then go just as far
from home as their pocketbooks will
permit, in order that they may pose as
two prominent young plutocrats, at a
minimum risk of detection. They have
confessed to me that they find this pro-
pensity an expensive one, and that its
qualification entails great deal of self.
denial during the evil and uneventful
fifty weeks which they are compelled,
by a cruel destiny, to spend upon their
native heath. 1t seems only fair to sup
pose, therefore, that their holiday COM
priscs a very vivid and enhancing fort
night as it recompenses them for so
much.
Last summer they went, on the
urgent suggestion of Robbins, to Bar
Harbor. Robbins said he had heard q
great deal about that place, and he
wanted to see if it was what it was
cracked up to be. 1t had nobby sort
of a name, anyhow, and he believed it
would sound first rate for Fox and him
self to say they summered there. If
it didn't come up to expectations they
could take a run down to Newport or
Cape May, where they would be pretty
sure to find some society that was con-
genial. Fox, having no violent predi-
ection for any other place, they locked
up their rooms, hid the key where Meth
er they nor anyone else could by any
chance find it again, fourished five
months salary beneath the impressive
glare of the ticket agent, and went.
They hadn't been gone more than a
ryealS whom 7 received n 1at+ar Of wi inb