Evening star., 1896-02-08

W they need assurance.
IN And no one is better
fitted to give advice
thaH she who has been debutante herself
not so very long ago. Sometimes am ex-
asperated with debutantes. and sometimes
I am simply filled with great Christian pity
for them, the latter sentiment generally pre-
vailing. After all, what a barbarous pro-
ceedipg is the launching of properly
brought up girl. She Is hidden away in a
girls school, where everything conceivable
is done to unfit her for the struggle to en-
sue. The one thing she most needs-an un-
derstanding of herself and her kind and
instruction in human motives-is studiously
kept from her. She gets absurd notions
from romantic girls who pass as having
deep and deadly experience, and are looked
Upon as priestesses of mammon and above
all she is taught to take the world and her
self seriously, which is the crownng mis-
take. Then suddenly she is turned loose to
conquer or to die. That she generally con-
quers speaks well for the sex. OF course,
there Is a nominal guide, philosopher and
friend in the person of a mother or chap
eron, but she is only useful up to a certain
point.
Two Debutantes.
Nothing will so enforce moral as prac
tioal illustration, and here is one which oc-
ours to me quite providentially. The dra
matis personnae are as follows: Myself,
about twenty-one, and the Other Girl, about
twenty-one. But the difference lies in this:
Circumstances were such in the case of
Myself that made my debut at the early
age of sixteen, being at the time in coun-
try where that is nothing unusual. There
fore at twentyone am reasonably sure of
myself and others and have at least four
years of good times to look forward to.
bo har RI haS cd her
up to now to a particular study-we will
not specify-and has only within the last
month taken it into her head to come
out" She is a sweet young person. with
serious aims and no frivolity of manner
whatsoever.
1t happened the other night that both of
went to a dancing affair where neither
of us knew soul, save one man apiece and
our chap eronS; l by reason of my being
but visitor in the city: she by reason of
her very recent debut. No; that is mis-
take. She had the advantage cf me by one
man-and a chaperon Of wider acquaint-
ance than mine.
One Did, the Other Didn't.
Now, starting in the race under exactly
similar circumstances, ], by reason solely
of knowing how to go about it, had far the
better time, as we say. 1t is exactly the
same principle that, in boxing, makes skill
conquer mere force. To begin with, knew
dancing and few perfectly frothy gen.
eralities were worth all the serious sub
jects in the world Of music. art and letters.
1 knew enough to say something-small
matter what-in q hurry Immediately upon
an Introduction, lesson that /, like other
debutantes, have had to learn by sad
experience. l was conscious and observant
of other people; not of myself-but it takes
long time to come to that.
AS for the Other Girl, with the very best
intention In the world, she snrank back
for fear of appearing forward; she took an
invitation to waltz very much as If 1t were
a request to do difficult piece Of piano
work before large audience; she regard
ed her partners with a serious considera-
ton, and looked for the meaning and in
tention in things that had no meaning or
muddle about couple of her dances. and
she danced with one man, having prom
ised that number to another, she was very
much hurt upon the discovery of her mis-
take, but not for the world would she have
explained it to the victim of her blunder.
She was afraid Of appearing forward.
And then, having made the blunder,
the poor. serious child proceeded to worry
over 1t all the evening and appear yet
more serious.
We talked over the party the next day,
and as I was a girl and no one could ac-
euse her of undue familiarity in being nat
ural with one of her OWL sex, she was most
engaging with the tale of her little woes.
She was not wondering, there in the big
soft chair in front Of the fire. what con-
struetion would be put upon all her words,
guitar in her lap, and between fits of con-
versaticn she hummed disconnected
snatches Of the music of the night before.
Rules Gained From Experience.
1t is good thing to have some rules
with which to work out life's problem, and
here are some that I have picked up and
tested and found to be good:
No. I-Always-on the principle of the
penal code-take it for granted that every
one means well by you. unless you have
proof to the contrary. The average per-
son in what we call society has good
natured, or at least cynical, sort of toler-
ance and liking for you. Very few actually
hate you or want to spite you. When you
fir out that there Is some one who does,
don't discuss It, or quarrel about it. if it
can be avoided. Just drop the person from
your life as completely as possible, and,
above all, never descend to abuse him or
her. 1t will hurt you worse than it will
your enemy. Never treasure up griev-
ance; 1t will grow out Of all proportion with
nursing.
BE COnsiderate to Other Girls.
2 Don't, ah! don't. snub other women and
girls just because there is q man around
This is the most fragrant fault of girl who
has not learned values-relative values. The
man will not like you any the better for
ignoring girl friend and earnestly devoting
yourself to him. A great many debutantes
think their success depends upon the men,
1t Is a sad mistake. 1t is the married wo-
men and your girl comrades who can give
you good time, or not, in the end. Very
few women dislike you because of your
successes; it is because of your Haunting
them. 1t is always worth while to smile and
speak to feminine acquaintance, even if
there is young man in your clutches, or in
prospect.
3. And never ignore older and married
men. They will not forgive it, and they
WELD mighty power
4. Don't wonder what construction will be
put on everything you say, the way you
hold your head and the way you laugh
Don't wonder what people are thinking of
your pose and your gown and your hands
and the position of your feet. Ten to one
they don't even see you, and If they do
they are not bothering their heads about
you. This is not kind but is en1inently
true. A very young girls worst fault Is
her self-consciousness 1t may be the con-
sciousness of her shortcomings, but that is
even more vexing than an appreciation Of
her virtues. The eyes of the universe are
I OF focused on your new, bright, particu-
lar star.
8. Don't be wondering what you will say
next. A pause is nothing deadly, II you
do not make 1t SO. Probably by the time
you have finished saying what you have in
mind a new topic will be suggested. Trying
to say something-anything-t fill In q
hiot, 10 fhn oF hot