Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-01-13
JUST FOR FUN.

Bound?' Clerk Cin BOOKSTORE never
heard of Promotheus, sir; but all our
books are bound.
Seward-Were you aware that Noah
understood all about electricity? Bald
win-No, did he? Most assuredly; he
made the arc light on Ararat.
First Little Girl-Did you know, Liz
zie that we are in half mourning at
our house? Second Little Girl-Indeed!
Who is it that's half des d?
Life Insurance Agent What did
your father and mother die Of? Uncle
Humsted-I don't rightly k,- ow: but
twarn't nuthin' serious
Teacher = Now, who can tell me
which travels the faster-heat or cold?
John Bright promptly = Heat, of
course. Anybody can catch cold.
"Oh!" groaned Tommy, the day af-
ter Thanksgiving, as he took a Bit
ter dose of medicine: 81 wish I
hadn't been so thankful yesterday
Miss Girton i wonder to what
the poet alluded when he spoke of
the embers of the dying year.? Bob
Quizby- November and December, I
suppose.
Sammy Who is the father of his
country? Jimmie-George Washing
ton. Sammy-Correct. Who is his I'M
Gle? Jimmy-Why,I don't know. Sam
my-Uncle Sam.
''What do you think Of the Origin
of Species'?" asked one man. II have
never read it," was the others reply.
SIN fact" he added, {" I am not inter-
ested in financial SUBJECTS
Sub-Here's a letter from Anxious
Subscriber" Chief: "What does he
want to know" Sub: tHe wants to
know how long man would live if
there was no such thing as DEATH"
81 can not understand re language
said the despairing Frenchman. 81
learn how to pronounce re word, 'hy-
drophobia,' and zen learn Eat re doc
tors sometimes pronounce it fatalu'
A little girl Gin the fourth grade''
was troubled in school with the witch
ing of the muscles of the eye. Being
asked what was the matter, she said,
give got the hiccoughs in my eye.'
The Summer Girl = Oh, I love to
hear you read your poems. It makes
me realize how brave you are. Poet
Brave? Girl Yes, brave. You said
you took them yourself to the pub
Usher.
Nine. Bashleu-I think Ruskin's til
ties for his books are SO happy. Nine.
Smithson-How so? Nine. Bashleu-
When you know the title Of one of his
books, you always know one of the
things it isn't about.
Miss Constance am so glad you
think have improved in playing that
nocturne; I hope to be perfect i'll it
next time we meet. Mr.. Smith (gal
lantlyl-O, Miss Constance, Pm sure I
hope we shall meet before that.
Daniel O'Connell, the Irish orator,
was applied to by a stranger for his
before the collecting mania
was so fully developed as now. He |
replied by letter: "Sir, / never send |
Yours, Daniel O'Connell."
A mother, commencing her daugh-
ter for situation, was asked if she |
was an early riser. can early riser!'
she exclaimed. "Well, I think SO!
Why, she's up in the morning and has
breakfast ready and makes all the /
beds before any one else is up in the |
housed"
A little fellow, who had his wits
about him when the contribution plate
was passed at church, administered
rebuke to his mother, who on the way
home was finding fault with the ser
mon. "Well, MOTHER" he said limo
Gently, 'what could you expect for
cent?"
Laura writes from home that she
has bought Wheel" said Mrs. Figg |
to the aunt with whom she is spend
ing the summer. II am SO glad to hear
that the old fashion is coming in
again." said the old lady. 81 allow
I'll have to come up and teach her
how to spin"
Boggs- I honestly believe that
Smythe married his wife on account
of her good looks. Dudley-Took her
at her face value, as it were. Boggs
And I've no doubt that Browne mar
ried his wife because her father was
wealthy. Dudley-Took her at her
pa value, as it were.
A little girl who is accustomed to
the Dlainest style of living was taken