The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-01-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A dress does not make a woman, but
often breaks man.-Texas Siftings.
Some of the modern chairs have alto.
gether too many good points to suit
us. Puck.
The lamb and the Lion may lie down
together but the lion will be the only
one to get up.
81 guess it's time to GO
Remarked Mt last the bore
"An excellent guess" she answered,
"Wby didn't you guess beforet"
Will somebody please tell me why
our lawmakers are never arrested for
passing worthless sbils?-Boston Tran-
script.
"Boy, are there any fish in this
pond?" al don't know, sir. "Why
are you fishing in it, then?" "ro find
out, sir. New York Herald.
She-."Did Maude lose her heart
when you proposed to her?" He =
"No. think she must have lost her
head; she said no. Buffalo CONNER
cial.
When Shakespeare wrote "The ap-
DbEtl Olb DIOClhlllS ltlb mum no may
have just been looking at pair OF
bright checked trousers. .-Somervill
Journal.
The Heiress-'I'm afraid papa will
never consent" The Impecunious-
'Is your father down on me?" The
Heiress-"No he says he's up to you"
Boston Courier.
She-"He says his greatest trouble
in Paris was to make himself under
stood" He-"He should have learned
French before he went over" She
"He did l"-Chicago Record.
Customer-"Can 1 buy an engage
ment ring on the instalment plan?"
Clerk-"Yes, if you can give us any
security" Customer-"I can give you
the name of the girls father. Puck.
Proprietor-"Where is the book
keeper?" Office Boy-"He isn't in.
His wife sent him word that the baby
was asleep, and he's gone home to see
what it looks like. "-Louisvile Truth.
Builder" aren't you afraid of hav-
ing your tools stolen when you leave
them around 50 carelessly." Carpen-
ter-'Dont you worry. All those
things will be found in your bill. -
Philadelphia Record.
Jayson- -"Say, Wilson, do you ever
expect to pay me that ten dollars you
got from me some months agc?" Will
son-"Certainly not. Don't you re-
member you said not to pay it till it
was conveuient?"-
ooh, Edith, there's that lovely es-
cort you had last summer, the Count
de Lusk, selling ribbons at the fur
ther counter" $50 it is. Don't let's
recognize him, dear. He will prefer
to remain incognito. Detroit Free
Press.
Mr.. Dunn-'I called to see about q
little bill l left here about n month
ngo." Mr.. Short-"Oh, it's all right;
you needn't be alarmed. I've laid it
away where it won't be disturbed. No
need for you to call again. Boston
Transcript.
Violinist (proudly)-"The instru-
ment shall use at your house to-
morrow evening, Mein Herr, is over
200 years old" Parvenue-"Oh, never
mind that. 1t is good enough. No
one will know the difference, "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
'I am exceedingly modest in my de-
sires, Miss Num-" said young Mr..
Trivvet. ''My wants are very small.
"Indced?' replied the maiden, with
questioning infection. "All aspire
to is as small an object as your pretty
hand" He secured it.-Town Topics.
81 suppose you are socialist, or
anarchist, or something?" asked the
lady of vague ideas. MADAM, replied
Mr.. Brokedown Baldwin, ~ am pas
sive altruist." "What in the name of
common sense is that?" "I believe in
being helped all can. indianapolis
journal.
Magistrate Ito witness)-T under
stand that you overheard the quarrel
between the defendant and his wife?"
Witnes5-'Yes, sir" Magistrate
"Tell the court, if you can, what he
seemed to bo doing" Witness-"He
seemed to be dcin' the listenin'. -
Pearson's Weekly.