The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-08-12
CONTRACTING HOTEL ROOM.
How It's Use Nay Increase tRe Income of
the SeashOre BOnlfaes.

the SeAshOre BOnifaeas
To All Wide Awake, Hustling Hotel Men
(ConfidGntiaD:
Are you goldbugs? Are you free silver
men? Do you wish to increase your income
at the seashore at the ratio of Is to 1?
If so, try the contracting hotel room sys-
tenn of the Neptune Novelty company,
after first taking the precaution to rent an
extra large bank vault or to erect a crema-
tory for cash. The contracting hotel room
is the eighth wonder Of the world and fills
long felt want Why do so many land
lords down by the murmuring sea have
such difficulty in keeping their hostelries
filed with guestss Echo answers, "Be-
cause they are not up to date; because they
are not reaping the benefits of the con
tracing room system" They have scores
of the old style rooms about as large as a
fair sized pigeOnhole or an adult coffin;
rooms SO narrow that a guest cannot take
a. full breath without cracking the wall
paper; rooms so low ceilinged that a guest
can lie in bed and give a fair imitation of
the human fly; rooms SO short that a bat
tering ram is the only thing that will open
the door when the folding bed is down.
What is the result? A would be guest
comes along with all sorts of money in his
clothes and an intense yearning for tenn
pOrary home by the sounding sea in his
heart
''I've got just 50 a day for hotel room, -
ne G0S CLERK. WQdb SOFG OF
run do get for my money?''
The clerk says 'Frontl'' with his usual
naughty, impersonal air and instructs one
of the front boys to show the stranger the
80 rooms
Dazzled by the arc light efulgence of the
clerks 600 candle power diamond, the
would be guest is led away to be coffined
or pigeonholed at So per diem. After walk
ing half mile through halls as compli-
Gated and labyrinthine as hypothetical
question to a poison expert at a murder
trial, the even more naughty and more i'm
personal front boy points to what seems to
be a rather large crack in the hall wall and
says, ''This style, 50. -
"HuhI All get is crawl, a squeeze
and double up for my money, chr" the
would be guest inquiries, more in sorrow
than in anger.
''What do you want fer $2-the Looey
Fourteen bridal chamber and the golden
banket hall?'' the front boy murnlurs with
Napoleonic scorn.
$50 I get this entire letter box and have
you bring me ice water on draft, all for
50, do I?'' the would be guest continues.
''That's all right, but how do 1 get into
! the thing? Does pair of shoe spoons or
big tin funnel go with every 81 layout"
The front boy, of course again exercises
| his NapOleonic scorn, and the stranger
wanders of with his So in his inside pocket.
He doesn't stop single day. He doesn't
even buy a sea serpent cocktail. The
| pigeOnhole room has scared him and his 50
| bill away, never more to return.
but what's paltry $2?'' we hear some
| one murmur. 1t isn't very much, to be
| sure. 1t wouldn't buy very many state
delegates this year, for prices are unusual
| 1y high; but as some great poet has truth
| fully observed;
Little silver dollars.
Little bills of green,
Often keep a landlord
| From the soup tureen.
WHAT'S the matter with packing that 50
| away in the safe every night? You can do
it as easily as you can draw up the plans
| and specifications of big monthly hotel
bill if you try the Neptune Novelty COM
| pany's contracting room system.
By the expenditure of few dollars ev-
| cry seashore hotel can be supplied with our
| patent electrical, telescope rooms Hun
| dreds of them are already in use and are
| giving the very best of satisfaction. If
you wish to test the innovation and wear
ever larger diamonds than you do now,
| drop US line, and our agent will call and
fully explain the greatest hotel scheme of
| the century.
just imagine for moment if you can,
! that your hotel has been equipped with our
| patent contracting rooms. You have al
ready looked upon one SO picture, as Ham
| let said to his erring mother, and now
II
| other Of the same price.
The would be guest comes along with
| the 81 that rightfully belongs to you in his
| clothes He wants the same priced room
| he was after before, and he is also filled
| with the same lofty purpose to procure
more of run for his money than two cart
wheels viii ordinarily buy. Your space IS
| valuable. Your expenses are high. Your
| walters perhaps are getting the lions share
/ of your guests money. You cannot afford
| to give the would be guest a larger room
| than you could before, but the contracting
| hotel room solves the difficulty with neat
ness and dispatch.
He asks to see your 50 rooms Your
| front boy again engineers a personally
| conducted tour of the labyrinthine halls
| and shows the would be guest a large,
| comfortable, well lighted room as big as a
Harlem fiat. The stranger is surprised,
| gratified, delighted. The room is so long
| he thinks he is getting a cross country run
| for his money. He is even certain that the
| front boy has made a mistake and is
| showing him the bridal chamber or a part
| OF the royal suit. Impressed with this
idea, he closes the bargain at once, sur
| renders his satchel and is yours for 50. In
a short time he gets out his yachting cap
and goes down on the beach.
During his absence the contracting no.
| tel room gets i'll its insidioHs boa construct
or work. 1t fairly humps itself and shuts
I up three feet before the unsuspecting
| yachting cap gets back
When he is sleeping that night, the walls
! gently and nOiselessly continue to move
| themselves, as well IS all the furniture
/ nearer and nearer to the bed. In day or
two the guest has been telescoped to a So
| footing, but it has all been done so silently
and so gradually that he does not notice
the shrinkage. Meantime the space that
| was his the first day is being paid for by
| another contracting hotel room tenant at
50 ner diem