Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-11-23
DARK DAYS
By HUGH CONWAY.
CHAPTER II.
LII INrsc nI nN-


their lives All. not such love as mine.
Time, they say, can heal every wound.
Not such a wound as mine! My whole
existence underwent a change when
Philippa showed me the wedding ring on
her finger No wonder it did. Hope
was eliminated from it. From that mo-
mont | was changed man.
Life was no longer worth living. The
spur of ambition was blunted; the de-
sire for fame gone; the interest which
| had hitherto felt in my profession
vanished. All the spring, the elasticity,
seemed taken out of my being. For
months and months | did my work in a
perfunctory manner. 1t gave me no sat
isfaction that my practice grew larger.
/ worked, but | cared nothing for my
work. Success gave me no pleasure.
An increase to the number of my pa
tients was positively unwelcome to me.
SO long as | made money enough to sup
ply my daily needs, what did it matter!
OF what use was wealth to me! 1T
could not buy me the one thing for which
l craved. OF what use was life? No
wonder that such friends as | had once
possessed all but fOrsook me. My mood
ut that time was none of the sweetest.
/ wanted no friends. was alone in the
world; / should be always alone.
SO things went on for more than
wear / grew worse instead of better.
My gloom deepened; my cynicism grew
more confirmed; my life became more
and more aimless.
These are not lovers rhapsodies.
would spare you them if [ could; but it
is necessary that you should know the
exact state of my mind in order to I'M
derstand my subsequent conduct. Even
now it seems to me that [ am writing
this description with my hearts blood.
Not a word came from Philippa. /
l. lNNNt RnEN1~
steps to trace her. | dared not. Not
for one moment did l forget her, and
through all those weary months tried to
think of her as happy and to be enyled
yet in spite Of myself, / shuddered as
pictured her lot as it might really be.
But all the while [ knew that the day
would come when | should learn wheth-
er should be thankful that my prayer
had been answered, or to be prepared
to keep my vow.
In my misanthropical state of mind |
heard without the slightest feeling of JOY
or citation that a distant relative of rine,
a man from whom / expected nothing,
had died and left me the bulk Of his
large property. [ cared nothing for this
unexpected wealth, except for the fact
that it enabled me to free myself from a
round of toll in which by this time took
not the slightest interest. Had it but
come two or three years before! Alas!
Now that I was no longer forced to
mingle with men in order to gain the
means of living, l absolutely stunned my
kind. The wish of my youth, to travel IN
far countries, no longer existed with me.
| disposed of my practice-Or rather
simply handed it over to the first conner:
[ left the town of my adoption, and
bought small house-it was little more
than a cottage-some five miles away
from the tiny town OF ROding. Here L
was utterly unknown, and could live OK
actly as l chose; and for months it was
my choice to live almost like a hermit.
Nv needs were miniStered to by man
who had been for some years in my en-
ployment. He was a handy, faithful fell
low; honest as the day, stolid as the
Sphinx; and, for some reason or other,
so much attached to me that he was will
ing to perform on my behalf the duties
of housekeeping which are usually rele-
gated to female servants.
Looking back upon that time of Sc
clusion, as medical man, l wonder
what would eventually have been my
fate if events had not occurred which
once more forced me into the world OF
men, | firmly believe that brooding in
solitude over my grief would at last have
affected my brain; that sooner or later
must have developed symptoms of mel
ancholia. Professionally speaking, the
probabilities are that | should have com
mitted suicide.
Even in the depth of my degradation
[ must have known the dangers # the
path which l was treading; for, after
having passed six dreary months in my
lonely cottage, | was trying to brace my
self to seek change of scene l Shrank
from leaving my quiet abode; but every
day formed afresh the resolve to do SO.
Yet the days, each the same as it's fore
runner, went by, and | was still there I
of / 81 Y
together; then | would throw the vol
umes aside and, with a bitter smile, ask
myself to what end l was directing my
studies. The accumulation of knowledge:
Tush! | would give all the learning l had
acquired, all that lifetime of research
could acquire, to hold Philippa for one
brief moment to my heart and hear her
say she loved me! If in the whirl of
men. in the midst of hard work. [ found
it impossible to conquer my hopeless
passion, how could | expect to do SO
living as | at present lived?
There! my egotistical descriptions are
almost over. Now you know why [ said
that you must sit by the fire and think
with me; must enter, as it were. into
my inner self before you can understand
my mental state. Whether you sym
pathiZe with me or not depends entirely
on your own organization. If you are
so constructed that the love of one WOm-
an, and one only, can pervade your very
being, fill your every thought, direct
your every action, make life to you a
blessing or a curse-if love comes to
you in this guisc, you will be able to un-
derStand me.
That night when | first presented my
self to you, my wounds seemed less like
ly than ever to heal; forgetfulness
seemed farther and farther away. Some
how. as my thoughts took the well-worn
road to the past. every event seemed re-
cent as yesterday, every scene vivid as
if l had just left it. Hour after hour
sat gazing at the glowing embers, but
seeing only Philippians beloved face. How
had life Jared with her? Where was
she at this moment? The resolve to
quit my seclusion was made anew by me
| would go into the world and find her
not for any selfish motive. l would
learn from her own lips that she was
happy. If unhappy, she should have
from me such comfort as the love of a
true friend can give. Yes, ] would leave
this Mretched life tomorrow. Nv cheek