Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-09-07
JUST FOR FUN.

A large number of people are echo
ing the sentiments of Josh Billings
"Darn a fly"
Doctor-My dear madam, can do
nothing for you. Lady-Gracious!
What is the matter with me? Doctor
Nothing.
It helps sometimes to get sixteen
year old girl down to breakfast early
in the morning to take the mirror out
of the room.
Miss Sweetly-How did you know
I was going to wear my hair curled
this evening? Mr.. Quizby-I saw 1t
in the papers this morning.
Brown understand that old Jones
nEarried his cook. Jones-Yes. She
suggested it, and he forgot that he
had any choice in the matter.
Dimling Well, old man, I hope
you won't find marriage failure.
Newwed-I sincerely hope not. For
the courtship came near bankrupt
ing me.
Blinks-I have remedy for scorch-
ing. Winks-What is it? Blinks-
To compel everyone who rides BIZ
cycle to first serve six months in the
messenger service.
Tommy is such a sweet child, said a
doting mother, that often think it
will be a miracle if he lives to grow
up. 1t will, said the candid neighbor,
with a baleful CLEAN in his eye.
Why did that Philadelphia girl re-
fuse you? She said she had known
me such short time. But I thought
you were children together. We
were, but that was only 80 years ago.
Landlady-I believe in letting cof-
fee boil for 80 minutes. That's the
only way to get the good out of it.
New Boarder Casting hissand leaving
it)-You have succeeded admirably,
ma'am.
It's no use. I couldn't make Mrs.
Rusher happy out in the country.
What was the matter? She cried day
and night over the advertisements of
the big bargain sales that were going
on in town.
Minister'S Wife-You haven't been
out of your study an hour this week.
What is the matter? Minister-Some
of the congregation say my sermons
are too long and I have been trying
fO write q short one
Mr. Frank Harvey, the actor, gives
the following as the drollest slip with
text he ever heard on the stage.
once heard, he says, a nervous, ex-
cited juvenile actor exclaim, Dare to
harm one head of her hair and the
last moment shall be your next!'
I don't think the kids enjoy cir
Gus these days as much as they did
when you and I were boys, said the
man with the bald spot. know mine
doesn't enjoy it as much as I did, said
the man with the brindle whiskers. I
was taught in my early days that it
was sinful.
Come, old man, said the kind friend,
cheer up. There are others. | don't
mind her breaking the engagement
so very much, said the respondent
young man. But to think that l have
got to go on paying the installments
on the ring for year TO come yet.
That is what jars me.
First summer girl-You know that
fellow 1 was engaged to last summer?
He came down on the wheel, you
know? Second summer girl-Yes, he
is here again this year? First sum-
mer girl-Yes; I saw him this morn
ing. He had four wheels this time.
They were on baby carriage.
Custom is everything. A man who
would be ashamed to be seen carry
ing neatly tied paper bundle will
cheerfully burden himself with a BIZ
cycle frame, carry pair of tires in
one hand, handle bar in the other,
march up and down the principal
street and exhibit a good deal of
pride in the performance.