Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-08-03
JUST FOR FUN.

/
it.
Wyld-They say Mrs. Enpec treats
her husband like dog. Dyer
Worse. She doesn't even exhibit
him.
Old lady Gin a shoe shop)-Have
you felt slippers? Small boy assistant
(solemnly) ma'am. Many
time.
The summer girl already has the
skin all peeled off her nose, and stick
ing plaster on her chin. She rides a
wheel.
Chick Gas the shell breaks) -Hoorayl
Pm out. Rooster-Yes, young man,
you are, but your mother doesn't
know it.
The rhinoceros doesn't seem to get
along better than any other animal,
even though he always carries stiff
upper lip.
Well, swan! said the cat on the
back fence as a shower of boots came
his way, that fellow must think I've
been getting married.
The man who is always telling what
he'd do if he were President, is the
one who says, eyes, ma'am," when
his wife speaks to him.
A Criticism don't like her sing
ing. Her notes come from her chest.
Well, ought they not? No indeed.
They ought to stay there.
Bridget, why didn't you heat my
room better. It's only so degrees.
Oh, thought that for such a small
room, so degrees would be enough.
Did it hurt you when you fell,
Madge? Hurt me? I broke a bottle
of arnica and bottle of oil liniment
in the pockets of my new SO bloom
ers.
s'Say, mister,'' said the little Fresh
Air child, as she watched the cattle
enjoying their cud, sdo you have to
buy gum for all of them COWS to
chew?''
It's terrible, cried the new woman.
What is it, dear, meekly asked her
companion in marriage. Why, it's
impossible to keep my boomers
creased.
Lucy-Mamma, may go over there
to the bridge? Mamma-Why do,you
want to go over there, dear? Lucy
Oh, just want to gargle my feet in
the brook.
The negro sexton of ST. Peters
church has a very stylish mulatto
wife. Asking for bigger salary, he
gave his reason: rs mighty hard to
keep a sealskin wife on a muskrat
salary.
Midgley-Sad about Kent, wasn't
it? Young What was that? Midg-
ley-Why you know he attempted to
make love to Boston girl. Young
Yes. Midgley-Well, he caught pneu-
monia and died.
There's one good thing about your
cyclones, said the visitor to the old
settler in st. Louis. I don't know
what it can be, replied the old settler.
Why, said the genial visitor, they
never strike below the belt
Well, Samantha, did you feel per-
fectly to hum when you were visiting
your relations in the city of New
York? 1 orter feel that way, Zekel.
They never let me get out of the
house but once the hull time I was
there.
One minute is the standard time, and One
Minute Cough Cure is the standard prepare
ration for every form of cough or cold. 1t is
mediate results. II. G. Pierce, Barton; D.
w. Hildreth, Barton Landing, R. E. French,
Glover.
Miss Tremont-It is yonr Chicago
ignorance of English that is so dis
tressing to me. Now, if a man moved
from Chicago to Boston, would you
grant? Miss Wabash should call
him an idiot.
BucklenS' Arnica Salve.
The Best Sa1ve in the world for cuts, bruis-
es, sores, ulcers. salt rheum, fever sores, tet-
ter, chapped hands, chilblains, corns, and all
skin eruptions, and positively cures piles, or
pay required. It is guaranteed to give
perfect satisfaction or moneylrefunded. Price
25 cents per box. For sale by H. G. Pierce.
Mrs. Wiggles-How shall I indorse
this check that Uncle John has sent
to me, simply sign my name on the
back? Mr.. Wiggles-Well, better
way will be to write on the back,
Pay Algernon Wiggles, and then put
your name underneath. | will at
tend to the rest.