Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1896-06-05
at|ausiae Gatherinas.
p6r The English are very fond of
American apples. They eat $4,000


tons of them every year.
p4- An "offensive partisan" is fell
low who insists in staying in an office
that some other fellow wants.
pdr Look your misfortunes in the
face and reflect that it is better to be
accused of vice, being innocent, than
acquitted of it, being guilty.
s@- A temperature of 1000 to 5000
degrees can be produced only between
the carbon points of an electric arc
light. The next hottest place in the
world is in the crucible Of an electric
furnace.
p@ Statistics show that the longest
lived people have generally been those
who made breakfast the principal
meal of the day. The stomach has
more vigor in the morning than at
any other time.
s6- "What are you going to do when
you grow up, if you don't know how
to cipher ?" asked teacher of slow
boy. "I'm going to be school-teach-
er, and make the boys do the cipher
ing," was the reply.
p@ A Chinese boy, who is learning
English, CAME across the passage in
his Testament, "we have piped, and
We have not danced" and rendered 1t
thus: "We have toot, toot to you
why you no jump?"
p@ Fifteen thousand tons of starch
have been made from potatoes this
season in Wisconsin, Minnesota and
North Dakota. This enormous output
necessitates the use of nearly $500, 900
bushels of potatoes.
s9 "Ain't you ashamed to loaf in
that saloon ?' asked a temperance
worker Of beat. "Well, yes" was
the candid reply. "I am ashamed to
do it, but nobody will ask me to take a
drink if don't keep in sight,"
p6- Cuba possesses some of the
densest and most impenetrable forests
in the world. They contain great
deal of hard wood, including mahoga-
ny and ebony. The entire area of the
forests of Cuba is estimated at 1000
900 acres.
p@- The first English ship regularly
engaged in the slave trade was COM
manded by Sir John Hawkins, and
was named "The Jesus" Queen Eliz-
abeth commissioned the commander,
and gave him as a crest q fettered
American slave.
"a. A letter from lady at an inland
watering-place to her husband con.
tains the following passage: "In your
last epistle you sent me 5000 and
/ 900 kisses. I should be glad if, in
the future, you would send me more
money and fewer Kisses"
p6- "Shall 1 help you to some toma-
tusses ?" inquired an exquisite lady OF
a venerable physician, as she sat oppo-
site to him at one of the hotel tables.
"No, I thank you," returned the
learned savant; "but I will trouble
you for some of the potatussus, if you
please"
a@ Two men employed at a hard
ware store were engaged in putting up
a stove for a lady. During a heavy
lift, one of them told the other to
"spit on his hands," when both were
nonplussed by the lady hastily ex.
claiming, "Oh, don't do that; here's a
spittoon."
DS "Uncle James," said a young
city lady who was spending a few
days in the country, ''is that chicken
by the gate Brahmin ?" "No," re-
piled Uncle James, "he's Leghorn." B"
"Why, certainly, to be sure!" said the
young lady, show stupid of me! I
can see the horns on his ankles"
H6s Marvellous stories are told in the
newspapers of an electric farm down
on the New Jersey coast. A stream
supplies water for irrigation, and pow.
er for driving all sorts of new-fangled
electric farm machinery, and crops are
kept growing all night under the
stimulating glare of electric lights.
p@ "Experience may be a dear
teacher" remarked a clergyman, as
the contribution-box was returned to
him empty "but the members of this
flock who have experienced religion
have accomplished it at very trifling
cost. The choir will sing the seventy.
ninth hymn, emitting the first, third
and fourth verses, in order to save un-
necessary wear on the organ"
n9 Some time ago, in a New York
club, someone was telling about a
woman who had just married her
third husband. "By the way" the
gentleman asked, "where is her first
husband buried ?'' "He was cremat-
ed" was the answer. "And the Sec
ond ?" "Also cremated." "By Jove P'
observed Fred Wright, Jr., the come
dian, "that woman has husbands to
burn"
p9 In England you often see over a
shop sign Established in 1872" or
earlier or later, as the case may be.
An Englishman came to Brooklyn and
put up sign "Established 1884," and
rather prided himselfupon the antiqui-
ty of the establishment. The next
day his Yankee rival across the way
burdened his sign in this style: "Es-