The Monitor-register., 1896-04-24
A LITTLE FUN.

He-'I would kiss you if thought no
ne would see me.'' !,
She-"Shall / close my eyes?"-Woom
ocket Reporter.
x*x
s"There's a tailors' strike on here, isn't
asked the stranger.
"Sew it seams" replied the other
man, = Chicago Tribune.
x*x
Customer "What is your outside
for a dozen photographer"
Photographer-"Oatsid figure, 81; $40
with cathode rays.'-Yonkers Statesman.
General Pompuss-"I am to speak at a
banquet tonight, and / want yon to
write my speech for me-"
Scribble-''What do yon Lake me for
a gasfitter?"-TfuM
x*x
snake it easier for me to bear, can't
you, Gracef" pleaded the hapless youth
whom she had just refused.
eyes. George" gently ans wered Grace.
81 snore dreadfully."-CAicago Tribune.
x*x
Grace-"I must refuse him, poor
fellow, but 1 wish l could do something
to lessen the pain of it."
Maud-"Get some one to tell him that
you haven't as much money as he thinks
You ave."-BrOok1ym Life.
xTx
"Kitty, how did you break your hue
band of calling you 'bride2" "Why,
every time he did it l called him Jay"
= Chicago Record.
x*x
Customer-I'm half sorryI bought that
necktie now. It's too loud.
Salesman-Let me sell you a mufler.-
Grooming, King & Cos Monthly.
Ills she sincere in her grief?'' 81 don't
know" 'But does she look like a
woman that would marry again2" mo,
unless it was a blind CHICAGO
Record.
x*x
81 notice." said Morcomb, ''they call
it the X ray, but Y they do it, I can't r."
Perhaps" suggested Hulsizer, "you
haven't got the "-C Chicago Tribune.
x*x
Lady Customer Gin china shop)-Do
you break these sets2
Dealsr-No, madam; the purchasers
servants usually attend to that.-1Id. BITS.
*x
Fuddy-What a man Gowdy is! No
body can get along with him.
Duddy-I believe you. Even his food
doesn't agree with him.-Boston Tran
script.
x*x
Yeast-"Your landlady says you're be.
hind with your board"
Crimsondeck-"Well, she's dead wrong.
I'm ahead. l owe her $45."- Yonkers
Statesman.
x*x
Tramp Cat dentists ~door)-Please, sir,
could yer fill me teeth this morning.
Dentist-With silver or gold?
Tramp-Cold roast turkey would do.-
Cincinnati Tribune.
NV
MARY" said the sick nan to his wife,
when the doctor pronounced it a case Of
small pox, "if any of my creditors call
tell them that l am at least in a condition
to give them something ."-Judge.
x*x
Photographer-Your pose is all right,
nay friend, but don't you think a smile
would be an improvement?
Jerseyman-Guess it would. Fetch on
the nectar Richmond Dispatch.
x*x
Irate Father-You irresponsible young
IDIOT, why can't You be a self. respecting
citizen?
S~pendthrift Son-Because I'm an ire
sponsible young idiot.-N. Y. Press.
~
Watts-"There seems to be some trutl
in that saying that heaven helps those
who help themselves"
Potts-s'Of n there is. They are
the only kind worth helping ."-ErcAange
x*x
Mrs. Henpeck Con the platform)-"Yes
my sisters. Cuba should have belligereni
rightsI"
Mr.. H~ornpeck weakly. in the audience
sand there are others. "-Toaon Topics.
NV
II had always been an American until
| went around a curve in a cable car this
morning.
what difference did that maker"
"Then l became a Laplander. life
~
First Company Promoter-You think
old Lambe is suspicious, then9 How did
he make you suspect that?"
Second Ditto-Why, he deliberately
counted his fingers after l had shaken
hands with himl'-SketoAes.
~
AL demand for my CLIENT" shouted
the attorney, in the voice of a man who
was paid for it, sis jnsticel"
I'm very sorry 1 can't accommodate
you,' replied the Judge, ''but the law
won't allow me to give him more than
seven years."-Igd Bits.
x*x
Gladys-"What are you going to do
when you leave college9"
T~ommy-"Oh, live on my income, l
guess"
Gladys-"A man as clever as you might
do something to prove his cleverness."
Tom-"Living on my income would
prove me one of the cleverest ~fnanciers of
the age."-LJe.
KS
A-"Political economy is a tioklish
subject. A man has to be wide awake to
understand all about it. For instance,