davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening times., 1896-02-19
wITSEss-BOX WIT.
Repa rtee whiah Covered he La wyers
With Confusion.
Boston Travele

Boston Traveller.
In Englaud there is a society for the
protection of witnesses from bullying dur
ing examination. Rev. j. p Bacon Phil
| lips is it agent, and he tells q great many
humorous stories of witness box repartee.
Some of the persons of whom these stories
are stated evidently had no need for Mr..
Phillips society.
On one occasion Sir Frank Lockwood
was defending man In Yorkshire who
was accused of stealing cattle, or
"bca sts," to use the north country term.
One witness for the prosecution declared
he bebeld the whole transaction from afar.
Nov, my man." quoth Mr.. Lockwood
(as he was them, severely, "you must be
extremely carefu! in your statements. You
say you watched this affair for some time.
Tell me, now, how far can you see a
beast to really know its points?'
Just as faar as l am from you, master"
replied the yokei, earnestly. And the
great lawyer subsidized.
There was a civil action In the law
courts some time ago, mainly concerning
nluney matters. The plaintiff stated calmly
In the witness box that his financial po-
sition had always been satisfactory.
Counsel for the other side rose with
a truly pompOus air and inquired If he
had ever become bankrupt.
Plaintiff said he had not.
pray be careful, sir. Remember. yoa
are on oath. DO you mean to tell the
court you never stopped payment"
.wen," was the reply. NOW you come
to call it TO my mind, l believe I did
on one occasion"
.'Ah. thought We should arrive at it
presently" And counsel took aloDgdraugbt a
of water in an impressive and theatrical
way. Now, sir. when did that happen"
.'After / mad paid all my debts" was
the crushing reply.
TIE court fairly shriekedfwith laughter,
and the judge laughed too, while the usher
was so striekea with nerrimcnt that be
was unable to restore order.
The following amusing passage took
place betw counsel and witness in a
disputed will case:
Ibid your father give you no parting
admonitlon?'
.'IIe never gave much away at any
time.'
II mean to say, what we're his last
words?"
''Thcy don't consarn yOn.'
"They not only. concern me, SIR" re-
marked thebarrister. severely, "but they
concern the whole court
"Oh, all rixttFf was the reply. Father
said: Don't have no trouble when I'm
gone. Jim;B'cos1 lawyers is the biggest
thieves unhungs'"
II can teach you law, sir, but can
NOT teach you manners" said an exas-
pcrafed counsel DO small, meek witness.
The latter quickly replied: .'Thnt is so,
SIR" and people laughed eonsamedlv-
The extensively familiar witness is a
sore trial. Tbs dignity and craditinn of
the most eminent lawyers are thrown way
on him. lit an important case recently
heard in. the choncrTy division ioGua-
eious witness was asked the question:
what sort ola man was i,e:,'
The reply came swiftly: just an under
sizcd, red-faeed chap. like yourself
The evening times., 1896-02-19
A ChInaman,s IdeaI Yytfe

The Chinese of Austrania, when they
take EotIon to marry, write to o ratri-
moniai agent in hong Kong something as
follows: II want a wife. She must he a
maiden, under twenty years of agc, and
must not have left her fathers house. She
must also have never read book, and
her cyeiashes must be half an inch In
length. Her teeth must be as sparkling
as the pearls OF Ceylon. Her breath must
he like unto the scents Of the magnificent
odorous groves of Java. and her attire
must lie frcm TIE si.krn weaFes of Ka-ia-
Ching, which are On TIE banks of the
greatest river in the wor'd-the overflow
ing Yangtse-Kiang."-A Constitu-
ton.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
Plenty OF Room

81 see there is some t;dko holding 4 bi-
cycle show In Washington"
well, that would he good plan, pro-
vided they could get Convention Hail."
"Why Convention Hall?'
at is the only place large enough TO hold
both the pneumatic sleeves and the pneu-
matte tires at the same time"
The evening times., 1896-02-19
In Se1f-Defense.

PaTisiioner-I am always admonished by
your sermons to watch and pray.
Pastor tyisibly pleasedt-Ah, my dear
brother, ! am glad they have in terested you.
Parishioner-Yes, If ! don't watch and
pray without ecasing while you are prea CHI
ing I am sure To fall-asleep.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
IFlIoME OF TIE news
---~-la TEE MORNING Tines.

If you miss any news in the evening
edition look IN the list below. What
you're looking ior WIS prOba Dly
published In this mornings edition,
and as The Times never repeats
you'll have To take both editions to
get all the news as quick us IL hap
peHs.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
fef HAVE been counting up the number
of false alarms that have been TUNED

ref HAVE been counting up the number
of false alarms that have been III med
In since the new fire alarm boxes
have been put up" said Chief Paris OF
the fire department the other day, land
find there have been ju twenty Strangely
enough they have all been in company As
district. Something will have 10 lie done,
but ] cant say that will nj present make
any reconinendatiOnstoth TO the commissioners.
1T is an expense to the department every
time 1t IL called out. and there have been
two or three accidents in the answering of
these false alarms, each Of which costs from
$50 TO S75.
The boxes are evidently not success.
II we had calls like those in New York. we
would be better Off. In those boxes the
person who turns in the alarm must first
open the box by turning handle similar to
the one on the boxes here. When the door
opens it sets in motion a gong, which i sure
to attract the attention OF every one in
the neighborhood. Then lever has 10 be
pulled before the real alarm is turned in.
There are few false alarms under that ar
rangement.'
The evening times., 1896-02-19
ANew yar,ety of Grass seed.


".Lizabeth," said Farmer Cornroe. lay
ing aside his, weekly paper, "is there any
more fly-'eayes in the Biblef"
"fes."
"An' is all that pokeberry ink gomez"
mot quite"
"Got cr goose-quilI bout the house7"
~ think 50; what yer goin' ter do?"
Coin ter write to New Orleans fur
peck o. that new kind O. Mardi Gras seed
tha, the papers is talkin' SO much erbout;
want ter try 1t in the lower bottom fields
fur early pasture"
The evening times., 1896-02-19
A Philantllr .

"Did yon hear Bushby's talk on The Best
Means OF EIevatng the Human Racer"
mo; what was his plan?"
well. all things considered, he was in
clined to recomffaend those run by electricity
as the chespest bnd safest"
The evening times., 1896-02-19
THE NEXT THEATER TOY.

Get next Sundays Times with the
Little Red Riding Hood theater toy.
Don't fear. there Will be enough to
supply all demands.
Buy all you want T-ons, two. three or
m9re-the supply will be incNliaust-
ibfe-and you Gun give Onc to each of
your children "a nd send II to fur-uxay
little relatives
The Sunday Times and tue toy to-
gethef wi4i sisiy cost three eeRts.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
A Muie.s Qualities.

''If yer gwine ter praise de good qualities
OBJ er mule" said Uncic Rasbury, ''hit's
better ter wait till he am safe in the stable.
Er mule hab mighty uncomfortable way
Oh maxim er man pear like he war CT liah;
he sutteniy hab.''
The evening times., 1896-02-19
Experiences In Aiatrimony.

Mrs. Amciie Rives ChanIer Pierre Trou-
betzkoy leads us to expect great things
from her In a literary way. Twice married
and once divorced, already. and she is still
young. With this record she can't fail to
become a great authoress-
The evening times., 1896-02-19
A Sprinter.

Noonein the club could begin to compete
With Muscular Mike, ,therunning athlete;
He ran an account ~ long and fast
That he ran himself out OF credit at last.
He ran in debt and when pressed opay,
He distancef them all. and ran away.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

While the coal barons may not know
much aboat storing away ice during this
kind Of weather they understand how to
put up coal.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
Chronological. y

"Tlatis my bump of ofcombativeness.' said
the pugiiistcaly inclined urchin. as he
tenderly stroked n large uprising on the
side OF his head that marked the recent
landing Of his ntagouist's deadly left.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

Unless MaAer's condition improves he
viii not be aSie 70 zee FitzsiInnaons, cham
pion belt when the Two big paxs co,ne
togriher, s..
The evening times., 1896-02-19
Quite Likely.

al wonder how Witiicus made himself
such a master OF cPigram?"
"Hy mastering his epi-grammar, sup
pose
The evening times., 1896-02-19
Nasn,t nre,.kiug the Rule.


Tearhsr-J6bpuia sHeFannigan, come
here. DenS yog kdop ther'sno whisper
ing allowed in Hchool?
johnnie MeFahnisan-Faith. mum, and
sure wasb'e'Whisperipga aloud.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
In Snnday-SciluoI

Tcacier-who said Let there be light.
and there was light?"
Pupil {confidently)-Edison.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

BOND BILL ABANDONED
Board OF Trade ADOPTS Measure Tor
Sewage Disposal Only.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

III the success of photography OF the brain
depended ON public patronage the art would
soon be lost.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

FORTY SUSPECTS EXILED-
Wcyler Sending Political Prisoners Il
the Penal Colony.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

1t seems after all as II Banker Mor.an's
cathode raise continues 10 reach the in.
side Of the Treasury.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

FIFTY BURNED IN A MINE
Terrific Gas Explosion, Foiuwed by Di.
astrouS Fire.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

FATAL FALL DOWN STAIRS
Clerk :. ii. Lambert Killed in the Costell
Building.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

FACTIONS FOUGHT 1T OUT
Republican, Victory in Philadelphia De
spite Dissensions.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

TOOK THE FAIR BY STORM
Fencibles and Mortons Were the Guest
of Honor.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

DRIVER TELLS HIS STORY
Jackson sticks to His Testimony in th
Rryau Case.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

THEY HELD UP THE BANK
OFFICERS Yielded to Aaskcd Robbers Il
Broad Daylight.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

Germany will now understand the Diff
ference between assurance and insurance.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

b. & o. GRADE CROSSINGS
They Win Re Done Away With by Build
The evening times., 1896-02-19
YSEROUSLYY
TO B5
1HurDROus1
"a Rhythm.

A pedagogue
Sat on log,
And reflected on Natures pursuits:
''Itts plain" niused he,
"That the wind on this tree.
Has performed the extraction OF roots"
The evening times., 1896-02-19

CHRISTIAN IN POLITICS
, Addresses at the Conference of the wa sh.
ington Congregationalists.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

NO REPLY FROM CARLISLE
Federation Calls His Attention to Post
office Scaffolding.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

MORTON'S HANDS TIED
Agricultural Bill Passed with Seed Dis
tribution Clause.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

soIDIER IN THE SENATE
military Appropriation Bill Occupied Sev
eral Hours,
The evening times., 1896-02-19

DRANK WITH STRANGERS
Antonio Ghio's Liquor was Dosed wit
Knockout Drops.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

PLANNING FOR HEALTH
kefhse Of the City TO BE Collected and
| Cremate6.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

TO COLLEAGUES AND PRESIDENT
Secrctary. of Agriculture Morton the Host
at Il Unique Feast.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
THE TIMES h a S the
largest circulation of any
daily paper in the District
of Columbia.

IL il a fCurless advocate OF truS re-
form, has Al constituency not reached
by any Gt her paper, ana enters the
homes of tl,e hest purchasing class of
citiznns in all parts of the District.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

BoOKPLATE OF GREAT MEN
. Erhtbsf or the %. Lbris Society Ope NED a
the Cosmos Club,
The evening times., 1896-02-19

SAVED BY NfTRO-GLYGERISE-
Coroner H3mmeti Injected II Into III
conscious Mr.. Patton.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

PATRIOTISM IN TUNEFUL SONG
Daughters of the Revolution Met in So
cial Session,
The evening times., 1896-02-19

CALLS IT A SCOTOSCOPE-
ProI. Har,iipg's Jr,icc TO Get Picture
from Rocutgcn Rays.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

LAFAYETTE IN NEW HANDS
ZimEerulan & Nixon Secure Control O
the Theatcr.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

10 LESSEN IMMIGRATION
seDafe Committee Reports Favorably ar
4 Educational Test.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

SPORTS HAVE ALL GONE
Interest in the Big Fight Has Nearly
Wancd.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

FOUR BATTLESHIPS SURE
House Comn:ittee May Authorize Six o
the Big Fighters.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

GENERAL SPORTING NOTES
Betting on the Irving L-yons Contest o.
Friday Nigllt.
The evening times., 1896-02-19

KREWE OF CoMUS REVEL-
Parade OF All the Seasons ut New Or
leans.
The evening times., 1896-02-19
X;l3;I1:| |7'l1
Ea@G1NCER3

= X-POSTMAsTER GENERAL BIS
IL SELL came down from New York
last night and went at once 10 the
Arlington. He failed torcgister, but the ia ct
OF ms presence In the hotel soon became
khowh' anc newspaper men were hot on his
trail
Mr. Bissell refused to see any Of them,
however. He sent word tba t he was here ON
private business and had nothing whatever
to say for publication
The evening times., 1896-02-19

s-AHXLOCE,s'' NEW VICTIM
selHn q. Jones Widow at Law with Mr..
The evening times., 1896-02-19

THE TIMES Will continue TO cham
pion right and condemn wrong with
out fear or favor, and relentlessly pur-
sue nd expose crime and corruption
wherever found
The evening times., 1896-02-19
Qsite SO

Qnite So.
Bsnss-sosk is ike haunted house.
TaRks-Hoy sof ,.;s.-
Bsnkx-FaH Of saisits.-Nev xoEk word
The evening times., 1896-02-19

I sOlcmHIy swear that the above is
O correct stutement of the daily cir
Culation of THE WASHINGTON
TIMES for the week ended February
o, 1855, and tHut all the copies were
actually sold ar mailed for n valuable
consideration ana delivered to bona
fidc purcha sers or Subscribers; also
,Iat mono of them were returned or
remain in the office undeIivered.
j. MILTON YOUNG, Cashier.
Subscribed and sworn To before me
this eth day of February, A II. 1896.
ERNEST C. THOMPSON,
Notary Public.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20
FORD'S GRAND OPERA HOUSE.
Week of February oath,


The Founding" Chas. Frohman's latest
comedy acquisition which had New York
run Of over 300 consecutive performances
will be given for the first time In this city
during the week Of Feb. oath at Ford's. It
is now on Its frst tour throughout the coun.
try and will be presented here with the same
cast of characters that made such . great
success Of it IN the metropolis. 1t is by Les
TOGO and Robson, Lestocq wrote the popular
Jane" which had such long and prosper.
Gus run. The comedy will present Thomas
Burns IN character part and there will be q
strong cast in which Cssy Fitzgerald the
whilom exposure of the Gaiety Girl Co., will
shine historically. Miss Fitzgerald has the
role OF Music Hall artistic in the play, and
besides playing this will introduce at an op-
perfume moment moment her thrilling skirt
dance and that inimitable wink. 1.-THE Found
ling" is in three acts aid involves the adven.
lures of Dick Pennel, who 10 engaged to be
married to the daughters Of henpecked Major
Cotton and his robust wife, an unexpected
obstacle occurs, Sir Nicholas aud Lady Pen.
mel inform Dick that he is not their son, but
only founding. Mrs. Cotton refuses to
allow her daughter to marry founding and
Dick swears he will find his parents-the
complications which follow INVOLVES the
whole cast into series Of amusing perplex.
tiles. Dick triumphipg in his endeavor at
last and marrying the sirl he loves. Miss
Fitzgerald is seen to admirable advantage as
the tricky little msybud.
Admission. & 80 cents.
Enthusiastically.
Week OF Mich. 2nd-The great English actor
JOHN HARE.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20
Do not fail 70 zee The Deacon" tomorrow

Do not fail 70 see The Deacon" tomorrow
evening.
NOTE THrs-The advertisers in the WoN.
Ans EDITION will please pay their several
amounts due, promptly to the Local Editor.
| Last Wednesday morning at 8 O'Clock
Father J. A. Bowling, 8. j., celebrated Nup.
tisl Mass and united In the holy bonds Of
matrimony Mr.. Abraham F. Roddy and Miss
Helena Purcell, both Of Kansas City, Mo.
Mr.. Roddy has been for years one of the
prominent members aud officers of the Build.
err & Traders Exchange Of that city, and
Miss Purcell one of the most efficient teach.
ers of the Humboldt school. They were At.
tended by Michael n. Purcell, Of Buffalo, N.
Y, and Mrs. Catherine Flaherty. Of Austin,
H., brother and sister of the bride. The altar
was beautifully decorated and brilliantly lit
up and priedieus tastefully festooned were
prepared for their convenience. The cere.
mony, 90 solemn and imposing, was calcu'
lated to leave lasting impression on those
present. Chicago World.
WHEREAs. by Divine guidance, our much
revered Pastor, Rev. Jno. H. Barb, has
changed his field of labor and gone thence,
and
WHEREAs, his presence in our sociesy has
always stimulated the members to activity,
from which much good has resulted, there.
fore be it
Resolsed That We, a. members Of the
Christian Endeavor Society, deeply deplore
the loss of one who has been 20 faithful and
helpful to Us, and he it further
Resolved: That we heartily recognize and
appreciate the influence of q God given
spirit and example that remains with US, and
sincerely hope that his remaining life work
may be equally effective and receive the ap-
probation Of God and be it further
Resoleed: That copy of these resolutions
he sent to Rev. Barb, also copy published
IN THE CATocTIN CLARION, and q copy re.
corded in the minutes Of the Society
Respectfully submitted
Daisy Waesche
Jos. A Bennett.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20

FREE.
Use the letters contaired in the text: mon.
on Seeds Grow" and form as many words
"a you can. using letters either backward or
forward, but don't use ahy letter in same
word more times ,tsn 1t appears 10 "Monon
Seeds Grow" For example the words: see,
on, none. weeds, etc. The person forming
the greatest number Of words using the let
tiers in the text will receive 500 in cash
For the next largest list we will give 375 In
cash, for the next largest list $50 in cash, for
the next $25 cash, and for each Of the next
ten larges, lists We will give $40 in gold. If
you are good at word making you can secure
valuable prize as the Monon Seed Co. in.
tend giving many hundred special prizes to
persons sending them lists containing over
Is words. Write your name on list of words
(numbered) and enclose the same postpaid
with six two.eent stamps for large comb.
nation package Of Monon Seeds That Grow,
which includes the latest and most popular
flowers of endless varieties, also particulars
and rules of redistribution ofrrizes. This word
contest will be carefully and conscientiously
conducted, and IS solely for the purpose OF
further introducing our seeds in new local.
ties. You will receive the biggest value In
flower seeds ever offered and besides If you
are able to make good liet of words and
answer promptly you will stand an equal
opportunity 10 secure valuable prize. We
intent spending large amount of money 10
the distribution ofprizes in this contest. We
assure you that your trial order with US will
be most gratifying, Write your name plain.
ly and send list as early as possible. Address
Monon Seed Co.,
MOnon Bldg. Chicago, Ill.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20
sale RegioleY.

Below will be found an accurat and com
plete list of all the sales that will be made in
this section of the county during the coming
spr,ne. 10 far 40 the dates have been handed
In.
To those, the Bills for which have been or
will be printed at this ONCE there Will be NJ
CHARGE; they are inserted FREE OF
COST. In addition 10 this we furnish Bale
Notes Of every kind, also FREE OF CosT.
For place in this Sale Register. to those
having their Sale Bills printed elsewhere, q
Charge of TWENTY FIVE CENTS per
line will be made
Send in your dates a. soon ~ determined
upon. thus providing against conflicting.
dates.
On Thursday, March 9th 1t 10 .. NJ, Messr:
Gernsnd & Conner will sell stock and
farming implements on Mr.. james CrOuse's
farm on the Graceham and Rocky Ridge
road at Owens Greek bridge.
On Saturday March 7th, at q. m, Mrs.
Emma K Rouzer will sell valuable farm.
ing Implements, horses and cattle near
Thurmont.
On Thursday, March 18th, VIM. l.. Firor, 10
mile south of Thurmont on the F. & E.
turnpike, will sell horses, cattle and farm.
ing Implements.
On Saturday, March 14th, Mrs Alice V: Eyler
will sell horses, cattle and farming nipple.
ments on Mr.. Abram Lohr's farm.
On Saturday, March 14th, at p. M, Hiram
Arthur Will sell valuable household effects
near Tburmont.
On Wednesday. March 18th, George E. VII.
hide will cell ON his farm near Blacks
Mill on Owens Creek, horses, cattle and
farming implements.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20
Road Petitioners Notice.

We, the undersigned, citizens taxpayers of
Frederick County, State Of Mary land, do here
by give notice. that on the first Monday, to.
wit, the 2nd day of March, 1895, We intend
to petition the Commissioners Of Frederick
County, State of Maryland, for the locating
and opening of public road in said county /;
Beginning at point, the northern terminus
of Carroll Street in Thurmont. Frederick
County, at the line Of the track Of the West
ern Maryland Railroad, thence generally on
the line of lane now open, through the lands
the Western Maryland Railroad, Geo. w.
Stocksdald, the Henry Wissler estate, l. W
10y, E. N. Cover, Samuel Willet, the Misses
Troxell, Allen Eyler and John Wilhide to
the Apples Church Iosd, said road to be not
less than thirty feet wide
John r. Stonef, Edward g. Morrison,
F. A. Roddy, Geo. w. Stocksdale,
Geo. A. Eyler, Jas. r. Waters,
and 10 others.
,Mni08tpd
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20

A lecture will be given in the NJ E. church
next Saturday by Rev. J. Fred Heisser editor
OF the Baltimore Methodist; subject, Dusty
Glasses. Lecture to begin at 7:S0; collection
at the close for church improvement.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20

On Thursday, Feb 18th. 1896. at the home
of the bride. in Franklin Mills, by Rev.
Henry Mann, Mr.. John Wesley SINNERS
and Miss Carrie MOser.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20

SUPPLEMENTARY devote the entire
space allotted to reading matter on the Sec
ond page of this issue to matter remaining
over from the WonAN's EDITION.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20
Reafhs.

On Monday. Feb. 3rd. 1896. 10 Eylers Valley
Christian Lantz, aged 50 years, 4 months
and 20 days. Funeral services conducted
by Revs. H. Mann and E. G. B. Castle
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20

Two above zero 10 not bad; that was Mon
day morning's record.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-02-20
P0ten is.

PNten Is.
Caveats and Trade Marks obtained, and all
patent business conducted for MODERATE
FEES. Ny Office is IN the immediate vicin.
i,y of the Pateat Office, and my facilities tor
securing patents are not surpassed. Send
model or sketch, drawing or photograph,
with description and statement rs advan.
tagcs claimed.
n No charge Is made for an i''oa rs to
patentabtlity. and my fee for prosecuting the
application uiH not b eaLei for until the
patent u dllo,oed
A pamphlet entitled INVENTORS GUIDE
containing full information, furnished free
Address;
FRANKLIN \. H0UGH,
92s 7 street,
Warrington, y. o