The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-11-18
Il AND The EMPRESS.
The True story of His Recent Quarrel
with China's First Lady.


With China's First Lady.
The Courier g private Picking wire brings
an interesting account Of the audience
which the dowager empress gave to Ii
Hung Chang last week on his arrival in
the Celestial city. The viceroy, approach
Ing the efulgent preserve Of the throne on
his hands and knees, lightly brushed the
dust from her majesty diminutive san
dals with his lips and rising to a kneeling
posture asked, How old are
The absentminded earl did not check
himself in time, and his face grew ashy
pale as the eyes Of the dowager empress
transfxed him. The courtiers held their
breath, and a few who hated Ii sniggered
in their ample sleeves.
''What nonsense is this Ii?'s asked the
empress How dare you ask how old I
ami You have my birthday book, haven't
yous''
Pardon, pardon, o Light of Asial''
cried Ii For the moment I thought
was addressing Victoria Of England. -
Well. that was stupid of you, I'm
sure, + said the empress drumming impa-
tiently on the arms Of the throne II
hope you don't think I look like that
dowdy old trump
Goodness, no, - said Ii, "but she was
the last thing in the way of a royalty THAI
saw on my travels, and for an instant 1
forgot where I was at. -
=
AT That's an Americanism, you
know. Say, you ought to go to America.
Tt knocks the eye out Of any country
Travelled through. -
Is that an Americanism, too-that OPP
teal observation
Sure. Say, you can talk any old way
in America and it goes Seer All you
want is thoughts, and you can let your
mouth make just the language it likes to
fit the thoughts. It's out of sight when
you get on to it. But, talking about
America, if you go there 1t'n kill you dead
to-
There was a shrek from the dowager
empress. Guards Guardsr' she cried.
ooh, what will? What will?''
'What'n WHAT" asked Ii petulantly.
"What'u kill me dead?'' And the dow
ager empress shuddered.
Ii uttered blood curdling American
oath under his breath Then aloud he
said: Nothing would, I guess. I simply
meant that you would be amazed to see
the tall buildings in America-2O stories
high, ten times as high as your majesty's
imperial palace. There's not a pagoda in
all China half as high as the highest of
these
The dowager narrowed her eyelids and
smiled superciiously. eve always held
you in high esteem as a liar, Ii, - said She
"but you seem to have added to your &C
n
foreign parts. What'l you take?''
ooh, any old thing"
whats thats'
Pardon again, o Daughter of Heavenl
I meant that I left the matter to your IN
paralleled self But if be commanded to
choose, let it be gin rickey.''
''What in the name of all that's celes-
tial is thatg''
Its hot stuff, 0 empress new drink
lately invented by an American states
man. Lo Feng Luh can mix it to your
sacred majesty exalted taste, to say moth
ing Of my humble and wreUched one.
10 Feng Luh retreated backward out Of
the presence to mix the gin rickey, and Ii
continued: Your Omnivorous-I mean
omniscient-majesty may doubt me when
I speak Of the tall buildings of America
but even they are not so amazing as the
elevators in them. I had heard tell of
these machines, but experience of them
surpasses the widest preconception. They
are out OF sight "
- here you go dropping into America
again. Let's see-hOw is it you say itg
Oh. yes-'itn kill you dead if you don't
cure yourself of that habit
That isn't just the way they use it in
America, " said Ii. You ought to make
it more figuratives so to speak. ;"
"W Well, didn't mean it in a fgurative
sense at all, Lii I meant it literally.
Please to bear that in mind All. there's
Lo with the drinks What do you call
'em-rickettss'
'Riokeys-gin rickeys. Here's to you,
o Light of Asia. Flower of theSun, Daugh-
ter of the Gods, and so forth, and to Amer
lea, and to Mr.. Hickey. Down you 60.
May you live long and pro-wugh- br-r-r''-
The heads of the dowager empress and
Ii were tipped back, and were only tipped
forward again when the glasses were
drained. The dowager empress thought
fully smaokod her lips and looked critical
ly into the glass.
Well, said Ii, ''it's great, isn't it9'
IL don t think - said the dowager en- /
press wild burst of laughter broke
from the lips of Ii Hung Chang. He
doubled up on the floor and rolled mirth-
fully at tho feet Of the dowager empress (
She, with wrathful eyes bent upon him.
commanded him to speak. ARE you
mad9f she cried
81 don t think" shrieked Ii, and rolled
again in oOnvulsive merrilnent, g I don't
think. That's too good. Why, that's an
awful Ameri canismp'
Il was about to say when you inter
rupted me, snapped the dowager en-
pross "that I don't think I ike your
friend Mr.. Rickey's drink"
comp said L.
Eyes Oil You've got into too free
q way of interrupting and doing the talk
ing yourself, Ii You are banished from
our presence for so days -
And that is why and how Ii Hung
Chang is in disgrace for disregarding the
formalites in the dOwager empress palace.
Buffalo Courier
Amply Qualified.