, 1896-03-23
UNFINISHED DEBATE.
THE QUESTION or HAMLGT's INsAN-
iTY UNSETTLED m HAWvlLLE.

At tho Debating society's Meeting = CUES
ton Of Ethics Was Raised by DR.. Potter,
Who Thought He Was Being Unfairly
Treated by tho Commercial Club.
The Spread Eagle theater was we'll
filed with the beauty aud chivalry of
the settlement u: the last session of the
Hawville Debating society. upon which
occasion the subject for discussion was
Resolved, That the Melancholy Dane
Was Mad, and bright the lamps. which
had been kindly leaned for the evening
by the genial and urbaue proprietor OF
the Dew Drop Inn and BlaZing Rag
Refreshment Parlors. shone DER fair
women and brave men, us the poet once
got off.
For sor:o time all went merry as j
marriage bell, us what's his name used
to say. There was no shooting, except
in u single and amply justified instance,
when the harmonious flow of the debate
was interrupted by Polecat Pete, an I'LL
curried parsonage. who, being filled
with strong waters, arose and vocifer-
ously announced that lie was u wolf.
Thereupon Alkali Ike, who had been
delegated to preserve the peace, very
appropriately remarked that, inasmuch
as Peter was u wolf, the time was at
hand for him To howl, ut the AM time
shooting him in the hind leg with Il
deftness born of long practice. a little
later the wolf had been cast into outer
darkness and the debate went Oh.
During the coarse Of the evening the
widow of Rawhide Jim begged the in
diligence of the meeting, and when it
had been granted her rose i'll her place
and tearfully thanked all of those pres
Ii who had SO kindly assisted i'll the
killing of her lamented husband.
The debate was resumed at the close
Of the widows remarks and was pro-
crossing smoothly toward Il harmonious
contamination when DR.. Potter, the
we'll known undertaken, arose and be.
gan:
II don't know and l don't care
whether Hamlet was mad or not, but l
rise to remark that l am mad, and the
more I think about the cause / have the
madden l git! Hawville possesses a
Commercial club, which is supposed to
be working for the upbuilding OF the
various business enterprises i'll tho set
Element and to DO keeping a visilant
and we'll skinned eye On the interest of
its members, he of whom o stands
before you. Foster home industry is
its shibboleth, 80 TO speak, and I'd like
to ask in tones of thunder why it don't
live up to them words? l have foilored
u that principle in my dealings with
my Teller men, and whur am l at in
consequence
He had patronized his follow trades
men, even ut times to his W dctri-
ment and Inconvenience, the doctor
continued. He believed i'll reciprocity,
and having fostered others desired to
be foetered in turn. Live md let live
had always been his business motto,
and he had faithfully e%ndeavored to
abide by it, and darned little good it
had done him, according to his own
statement. He desired to know why the
Commercial club had done nothing to
advance his business interests, why
members Of the community who claimed
his patronage were SO loath and sloth-
ful about p%atronizing him.
There was entirely too much jug ham
die business, with the handle continu-
ally in the other fellows grasp, in the
way things had been going on during
the past several months, and us for him
he was sick and tired of the way in
which the cards were running and
oor,,o,k1,, Jo.;,,I 4, ,,o,,, .lor1
"Only three funerals i'll the last 20
daysp' he declared bitterly, land one
Of them a iizzle, in which the customer
proved to be in u cataleptic state, and
revived and rnn away after / had gone
to right smart Of expense On his special
account, and the others two measly
paupers that hadn't IL dollar in their
clothes nor q friend on earth ~
The speaker continued by calling at
been a lynching in the last six weeks,
nor a fight worth speaking Of in two
months. 1t began to look. he declared.
q il his fellow citizens were in a delib-
crate conspiracy against him, and only
shot, when they shot at all, such per-
SOM as were financially unable to pay
for decent funerals. He concluded by
requesting light Oh the subject for the
present, and u new deal and fair shake
for the future. after which he paused
for q reply.
WAL, remarked Alkali Ike, rather
sarcastically. after DR.. Potter had sub
sided, II am yere to say, and I reckon ]
vice the sentymunts of every gentleman
within the sound Of my voice when l
say it, that If this yere enterprisin man
planter expects his Teller citizens to
stop, after pullin their guns. MI consid-
or whether or not the gent they aim to
git is rich enough to pay for the pomp
an parryferneelyer Of u dudes obsequies,
he is doomed to disappointment a great
plenty! / am willin to foster him an
his industry to q reasonable extent, but
il he expects me to request my prey to
please wait for me around the corner
while / go up III nose through the tax
books to zee whur he Is at the doctor is
askin a heap too much. Bcin n man Of
the world an middlin wide betwixt the
eyes, I have always done my shootin
first an my inquirin later. an l expect to
20 continner to the end. I have spoken"
The question OF ethics thus raised
precipitated . spirited wrangle. which
continued till the meeting finally broke
up in greet disorder, without having
settled tn mental status Of the unhappy
Prince Il Denmark, and it will proba-
bly, W he definitely known whether
a not Hamlet was mad.-Tom p. Nor
an in Rrooklyn Eaula.