The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1896-07-30
TIE JOKER'S BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Swinging and Singing-..Who Saw It First
..-Her Temper-.-Discrepancy Only Ap.
parent---Just Like Charm,


parent---Just Like Charm.
SWINGING AND SINGING.
The maiden in the hammock swings
And her sweet fancy wishes;
While mother, in the kitchen, sings
And washes up the dishes.
WHO SAW IT FIRST?
Purchaser-That mirror you delivered
at my house was cracked.
Dealer-All right. I'll have it looked
into.
HER TEMPER.
''That Mrs Naglet has the worst all
round bad temper | ever knew"
Yes, even her hair snlrs."
DISCREPANCY ONLY APPARENT.
Hungry Higgins-I don't believe could
walk mile day without drink, could
you?
Weary Watkins - No, I couldn't walk
mile without drink, though ! could
walk ten mile to git one Queer, amt it?
JUST LIKE CHARM.
Customer, howlingly-This toothache
stuff you gimme is the rankest kind of a
fraud. And you warranted it to work
like a charm.
Druggist, blandly-Well, did you ever
know charm to work?
LOGICAL.
He: And so you wish to break off our
engagement, long as it is?
She The longer thing is, the easier
it is to break off
TAKING HIS SUGGESTION.
Dealer to newcomer, who has ordered
large bill of goods)-Are you going to
settle here, sir: trust so!
Newcomer-Well, if you trust, don't
think l will settle. Good-day.
NElGHBoRLY ATTENTIONS.
81 didn't sleep wink last night; that
Tugby baby cried all the night before"
How did that keep you awake last
night"
You see, waited until the Tugbys
got to bed, and then played on my cor
net until daylight"
CITY CHILD's CONCLUSION.
Aunt Mary. do you know what kind
of birds those are?'
Willie. mo, aunty."
Aunt Mary. "Now just think a minute.
Willie. What do they make chicken
salad of in the city?"
Willie. Veal"
JUSTIFICATION.
"Why," thundered the magistrate.
"did you beat your wife with rocking
chair, breaking three of her ribs?"
TO amuse the baby" faltered the cul-
prt.
Lowever, he was not able to prove be-
yond a reasonable doubt that such was
his purpose, and sentence was accordingly
pronounced.
CHICAGO'S LITERARY MOVEMENT.
$50 you have a new president in your
Shakespeare Club
"Yes, our last president did not fairly
represent US; she didn't like French dress
ing on her salads"
SATISFIED WITH RESULTS.
II had a fight yesterday with the boy
next door"
Yes, his father called at my Office to-
day about it"
Il hope you came out as well as did"
DIFFICULT CALLER.
"Wllie Wobbles is very hard to please"
said the girl who is artless, if not brilliant.
What makes you think so p
ellis behavior when he calls on me.
Whenever l play the piano he seems to
wish would talk. And whenever talk
he seems to wish l would play the piano"
WHOLE COMMITTEE.
The Living Skeleton-The fat lady pro-
posed to me last night. I'll have to get
rid of her somehow.
The Glass Eater-Have you thought of
ways and means?
The Living Skeleton-Yes. know
what she weighs, and Pm not going to
know what she means.
RATHER CHEEKY.
Jones-"I have left all my money at
home in my other pants. Lend me a
nickel for car fare"
Smith, have not got anything less
than five e-dollar BILL"
'lhatS all rlgnt nand IL over. Ill
take cab"
LIFTED AND DROPPED.
"And are you really the gentleman who
writes those funny things for the morn
ing paper p asked the ingenious girl.
II am," admitted the humorist, with
as much modesty as he could command
There is one thing | would like to
know. What makes you put the name
of some other paper after the very funniest
ones -
KINDRED FEELING.
Wife-Those roses you bought me are
so beautifully blown.
Brute-Yes, felt that way, too, when
l paid the bill.
CURATIVE.
DR.. Sage-You are troubled with head
ache and you do not sleep we'll. Evident
ly what you need is exercise What is
your occupation!
Patient-Fm a wood sawyer
Dir Sage-Wel suppose you do
e.