Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1896-01-31
HEAR AN ASSESSOR.
RELATES HIS EXPERIENCE AND
GIVES A BIT OF ADVICE,

| htS FfanO ana property Problem.
Parrot That Was Cheap at An
Price-A Scene i'm Upper Tendon
An Appeal for Courtesy to tn
| Assessor.
West Side Assessor in Chicago Times Herald
When by telling the truth an evil i
perpetrated, then it is wrong to tel
the truth. 1 suppose that is the rea
son so many people are doing good b.
telling falsehoods to property assessors
The writer is deputy assessor in tn
west town, and at present he is com
piling book that is full of names ant
figures. The names are all right, but
the man who said figures can't lie
never assessed personal property.
There are about so of us assessors
who form in line at 8 A. NJ, move W
to window in Assessor Jacob M
Horns west town Office, Haymarke
Theater building, and get our book.
and blank schedules. These calfskir
covered books contain little map o
some particular district in the great
west side. We move out to these dis.
tricts and go to work. The Town
Clerk registers our oaths to faithfully
perform the duties of an assessor" and
the people we assess do the rest of the
swearing. That isn't all. Sometimes
they set the dog on US and otherwise
treat us as though we were book
agents. That makes the assessor
warm, and then he interviews neigh.
Dor regarding property that is not &C.
cessible. And the consequence is peo.
pie who bounced" the assessor will
find valuation placed upon their
property that will cause them to think
there is nothing certain but death and
taxes. Occasionally we find poverty
and piano together. The piano is
assessable, and the poverty isn't. II
you assess the piano you increase the
poverty, and there you are.
These incongruities come up, and
unless you have the wisdom OF a board
of equalization there is trouble. Speak
ing about this board, I have an idea
that they will just about double the
poor assessors figures when they get
down to work. A keen assessor can
locate every piano in his district. II
he doesn't hear it, everybody else in
the neighborhood has, and they tell
him about it. / asked real nice look
ing lady the other day il she had q
piano, and she said NO."
Why, yes, mamma, we have." said
her little girl.
The mother said: "Go into the
house this minute, you naughty girl.
How dare youp And then the child
knew she had done something wrong
She had told the truth to a nasty
mean assessor.
went into little candy store on
the same street. To the woman be-
hind the counter I stated my business
She replied: 81 am q poor window,
My God, what will 1 dor" Tears
flowed down her cheeks, and she
sobbed as though her heart would
break. The assessor felt so mean that
he sneaked out without asking hel
name.
Even the parrots are down on asses
sors. A Latin street bird told the
assessor to 60 to II any number ol
times while he was conducting the
inquisitorial ceremony.
"That bird speaks very plainly
said the writer.
"Just hear the dear fellow. He can
say - just as plainly as can.
will sell him for SIS. There's bar
gain. And the lady meant every word
she said. A parrot that can cuss an
assessor is dirt cheap at any price.
This is how they do it on Ashland
boulevard:
Scene, front stoop Of a stone man.
sion. Dramatis persona, lady with
large diamonds in her ears. Negligee
attire. Assessor with book and ar
official smile.
Lady-We are cleaning house TO-
day; all topsy turvy. and you cannot
come in.
Assessor-Not at all necessary, my
dear madam, that / should 60 in. ]
have brought this book and my i'm
agination along, and I can see all thai
is necessary. see that this is beau
tiful house, and the eye of my imag
ination penetrates these walls. see
that this is beautiful house, and the
eye of my Imagination penetrate'
these walls. I see q grand piano
statuary by Throwalstere, painting
by the old and new masters, tapes
tries from India, carpets from Turkey
china from Dresden, brick-a-brac from
all parts OF the world-in short, every
thing that q lady of your exceptions
judgment would use in embellishini
such a noble mansion.
Lady-Sirl
Assessor-While I can hardly ven
ture to place valuation upon sucl
treasures / will be moderate and ga,
$4,000.
Lady-Do 1t il you darel Come il
and see.
The Assessor went in and found hi