Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-09-08
FOR POKER AN BIKE.
TOOTS ON THE THOMPSON STREET
BICYCLE CLUBS MISSION.

Rules For Riding the Wheel-The Virtue
of Fat Man a. Cushion-What to Do
on Meeting a Cows Brother-New Poker
Rules.
"Gem'le len, i" said President Toots as he
raped the club to order, "yo' am all awar'
of de fack dat dis am a combinashun club
poker an bike mixed in about equal
quantities. Oar am rules to govern each,
howeber, an it won't do to git 'em mixed
up Fur dis reason L hev drawed off an
had printed de rules applyin to EACH De
rules to govern when out on de bike am as
follows:
"Sit erect, wild eyes 10 de front an a de-
tarmined look on de face.
"Don tattempt to pass between de bosses
an de dashbod of street kyar.
Pay no attensshun to brickbats, ash
cans, cabbage heads an fence rails thrown
arter yo' by de enivous an jealous minded
populashun.
"Avoid runnin ober pedestrians If 20
kin, but when 20 can't avoid it pick out q
fat man an pull de throttle wide open A
fat pusson allus acts as a cushion fur de
rebound.
ode gineral rule am to keep to de right,
but If dar am house in de way don't be
obstinate.
"When two bikests am about to meet
head on, dar am two rules to apply. Yo'
kin either jump off an go into de highest
saloon an take mint julip frew straw,
Or keep right on an knock dc odder Teller
fo'teen feet high an smash him all to
squash.
'If yo' meet COW when ridin in de
kentry, yo' kin turn to de right or de left
or go right ober her, jest as yo please If
1t happens to be de cows brudder, stead
Of de COW herself, de rule am to dismount
an climb tree an wait for him to git tired.
"When yo' look ahead up hill an see a
farmer an his two sons waitin fur yo'
armed with scythes, con cutters an sled
stakes, de rule don't say zactly what yo'
should do. Dis gives yo' show to turn
off into de woods an look for chestnuts.
Zone quick, sharp ring OBJ de bell means
danger to beer wagon if tdon' It git outer
yo' way.
"Two rings am summons fur de street
kyar to shet off steam an cum to sudden
stop an let yo' pass in front of it.
"Three rings means dat de Teller crossin
de street wild his hat on his ear an his feet
steppin high am right in line wild yo'r
wheel, an If he don't git up an hump his
self he will be invited to surprise pa 'ty.
"A continuance ding! ding! ding! ding!
Of de bell, accompanied by wavin of de
left hand in de air, signifies dat yo' has
got tired Of ridin in de street an am gwine
to take to de sidewalk an dat it will be
Sncfs vryo11 Few l.> o,,+l
shun to hunt fur doahways."
The president announced that he hoped
to soon perfect the following improvements
to the bicycle:
An attachment which will lift a mans
cap off his head when he meets q female
and replace it again after she has passed
on. 1t will make no distinction between
homely and good looking girls and there
will be no color line about it.
An attachment to caste moose over a
dogs head and swing him in behind the
bike. When he has been dragged 100 rods
and has made up his mind that it is alive
and dangerous, the moose opens, and he is
allowed to 60 on suspended sentence.
An attachment to hold and operate
squirt gun containing at least one gallon
of water This is for offensive and defen-
sive operations against the small boy who
wants to shove a broomstick between the
spokes to SEQ how quick bike can STOP
An attachment to be fastened to the
front wheel which will go ahead and look
for tacks and pounded glass, pick up lost
wallets and diamond pins, and sound the
depths Of all mudholes not over ten feet
Deep
Gem 'len," said President Toots as he
oar am poker an POKER Dar am poker