Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-03-14
ALkALI IKE AND HIS TOWN

| side of the Rough House restaurant where
| lounged a group of Hawville's prominent
citizens. when old man Cusack, a worthy
! clafm-holder. who lived about four miles
from the settlement. drove up and jerked
his horses to a sudden stop.
You men know whur the Hon. Punk
Skee is at?'' he demanded.
Nope" replied one presidential POSSIBLE
lily, sheathing the bowie with which he had
| been peacefully whiting the bench where
on he sat. II don't reckon I do. Looks
sorter like it might rain before lnornin'.
| don't it?"
'Hain't noticed!" retorted the claim hold
| er, sourly.
THAT so?" was the conservative reply.
''Haint sorter lookin' for a boss trade, are
you? II So"
Nor interjected Cusack. with vigor
| I'm lookin' for the Hon. Punk Skee!''
'.Plunk Skee?" repeated Aikali Ike, COM
ing around the corner at that moment
Saw him start for Rocket City about fif-
| teen minutes ago. to git off a political
| speech thar tonight
The old man uttered q snort Of disap-
pointment.
Wal. you've missed him." pursued Ike,
consolngly. eff you want anything spe-
| cial, won't his pardner do?'
Nav! This we're business Of mine has
| What might you be wantin' with PUNK,
If it's fair question:
Il might be wantin' him to put me to
| bed" replied Cusack, grimly but L don't
| happen to-
He dug down in the bottom of his wagon
and held up large brown shotgun and
| big green club.
| You all notice this yere gun an this
yere saplin'?'' he said. omirously.
Hi! You wasn't figgerin' on shootin' him
| up. was your
|
lettin' off a good an faithful gun ct him;
! but If I'd got yere before he LIT out,
lowed to entice him with this yere scat
| ter-gun to come up within club shot of nle,
! an then swarm all over him an maui him
with this yere CAD till the doctors could
| tell at glance that he'd met a man.
But you an PUNK have always been
friends, an"
''Friends-wuhv' snorted the claim hold
er. contemptuously. THE low-down way
that thar wolf treated me would have bust
ed up the firm Of Damon and Pythias! Me
| an PUNK used to be thick and fraternal
similar to thieves, but now I'll be tarred
| if I'd even go swimmin' in the same ocean
| with him! The man don't wear har that
can come around an treat me like a-by
| Sosh!-step-son an expect me to adore him
| afterwards"
| How did PUNK come to tear his clothes
with your" inquired Ike.
| Lemme tell you what that thar cuss
| done to me!' barked the martyr, See-ha "
! ing his team around and driving up close
in front of his audience You ali know
| my ague?'
Yep YEP, It's been hangin' on you for quite
Ever since last fall 1 reckon I've tried
everything that me an mother an the
neighbors ,nowed or could hear tell OF. I've
| taken quinine by the bushel. so to speak;
I've taken roots an YARDS an banks an
dopes an bitters. world without end; I've
| tried the water cure, the faith cure. the
old Uncle Darby Hicks cure an the pack
l everything
endured everything an the ague kept right
| on pour;n' in buckwheat, as the sayin
| goes. Nuthin' 'peared to do me any good
| or the ague any harm, an continrered to
| shake till l got SO reduced in strength an
| sperrits that / wasn't good for anything
| III the winter but to hold the corn pepper
| over the stove. an when spring came TO
| set on the porch an shake the mats. Tell
you what's fact, L"
| What's all this got to do with Punk
interrupted Ike, irreverently.
| I'm tryfn' TO show you the condition
was in when that thar wolf took advantage
of me-" answered the old man, sourly.
He proceeded to explain that despite the
muititudinous and ingenious methods of
| treatment to which the asue had been sub
| jected his malady had apparently been in
| nowise affected. just as he was about
| to abandon all hope and resign himself to
| the Inevitable of a death prolonged through
| months and. perhaps. years. Of ceaseiess
| shaking, wandering purveyor of t:nware
whose motive is 10 this day unknown
explained TO Mrs. CuSack the workings of
| the earth cure.
The earth cure for ague is perpetrated by
burying all of the person OF the patient
| save and excepting his head in IN upright
position in the ground, the expectation te-
| ing that the earth has virtue to draw out
| the malady. Whether the possession of
| faith has anything to do with the efficacy
of the remedy 1 know not. In due time
| Mr.. Cusack was made the victim of the
| justly celebrated earth cure. 4 hole Of
sufficient depth was dug by a kindly neigh
| Dor in sunny spot back of the barn.
! Therein Mr.. Cusack, denuded of his ,ai-
ment, was planted, and the dlrt carefully
| packed around his neck, after which the
kindly neighbor departed. whistling.
! The children were at school. Mrs. Cusack
| brought out her knitting, and all went well
| for a season. Presently there came an
| urgent call for the housewife 20 go over
| and lend her aid in the case of little Elmer
Petersham, the small son of a neighbor
| living three miles away. who had in his
| childish way swallowed three-ouarters of
| bottle of DR.. Somebody's Magic Hair
| Nigor, and was thought to be already in
the agony of growing luxuriant crop CT
| auburn hair in his little stomach There
| did not seem any harm in deserving her
husband at the call of distress, and SO Mrs.
| Cusack put out for the Petersham claim,
promising TO return at the earliest possible
moment.
For a time after his wife's departure all
| was serene with Mrs. Cusack. The day was
sunny. the earth pleasantly warm and his
position not uncomfortable.
Things perseeded well enough for quite
| SPELL" continued Mr.. Cusack IAN
nuthin' happened worth mentionin' ex-
cept that dad blamed calf came muz-
zlin' around an, sorter mistaken me for his
mother. began operations on my nose L
| had jest succeeded in hoorawin' the calf
away when yere comes the Hon. PUNK
Skee.
Il hain't learned yet what he came for
OWN to the subsequent purseed:n's, he
forgot to state his errant an 1 forgot to
ask him about it. Me an the Hon. PUNK
has alwers been friendly, an never had no
differences except over politics. I'm op-
posed to graspin' monoppylies an sump-
tuary laws while PUNK favors 'em an
| rpholds the money power Wal. we passed
the time O. day. an told him all about nv
asue an we got along like twins for a
spell. Directly he mentioned that he was
goin' over to Rocket City tonight to git Off
| political speech. Nacheral enough. this
started us to talkin' politics, an first thing
you know we was at it.
Now. you see how it is, Cusack.' saws
| he, after he had made what he fingered
was tellin' pint.
9TH be tarred IL do saws I. You're
wrong; it's jest like this: The plutocrats
an bondholders is in a conspiracy to rob
an enslave the workin' classes an hold
our gosh darned noses on the grindstone
or financial degradation foreyeri They'ye