The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-30
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
rsTs AND YARNS OF THE FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Real Estate euiet-Preeaution--A mooes'
Photograph--Was oisapooInteo'''H0'
WaItzers-.He Wanted to Guide.

photoeraph.-.Was Disappointed--Not
waltzers-.He Wanted to Guide.
ZEAL ESTATE QUIET.
Eastern Man-t'Anything stf - In
real estate out your way this seasonf'
Western Man (gloomily)-"No-o. not
even landslide"
PRKoAUrIoH.
Briggs-Does your wife laugh when
YOU tell her funny story'
Bragrs-Oh. yes l always tell ner
beforehand that it is funny.
A MODEST PHOTOGRAPH
Mrs. Dearborn-Will my feet show!
Pbotocrapher-Oh mercy mol Pm not
going TO make the picture as big as mat
THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.
II suppose Fred's letter IS about tne
same silly thing as usnal? y
mo il isn't: he didn't mention your
name once this time"
WAS DISAPPOINTED.
Wicwag-How does the political stu
alton strike your
HardlIppe -Pve been looking for one
for the mast twenty years, and it hasn't
struck me yet.
NOT wALTZERs.
Mabel understand that there were
only square dances at Mrs. Fhpplts small
and early.
Maude-Yes; there weren't men enough
10 60 round
A PROSPECT OF RETRIBUToN.
First Ball Player-They say this UNI
pire's goin' to get married.
Second Ball Player-Is he? hope
he'll know how it is himself not 10 be let
talk back.
HE WANTED TO GLIDE
Odorous Oliver-0h, dear, / wisht |
wuz snake.
Dingy Dick-Gosh! Whaffor:
SOS could move thout havin' to GIT
up"
NOT SAFE.
Miss Huggine-My father is very good
at reading faces.
MIR. Kissam-Then 1 had better not
print any KISSES tnciO'
SURPRISED.
Weren't you surprised when he pro-
posed?"
mo. Why should | be Z"
Everybody else was"
DIED AS He HAD LIVED.
Bizley-The ossified man at the dime
museum died this morning.
Paley-Poor fellow! | suppose he was
resigned.
Bizley-No, indeed He died hard.
APPROPRIATELY NAMED.
Hoax-What is Chsler going to call
that statue of his representing young
man in tears2
Joax-He calls it Crossed in Love"
Hoax-Oh, | see. Chislcr cut him out.
A MONUMENTAL PUN.
Judge-On what grounds do you bring
the action?
Lawyer-This man refuses to pay the
bill for his wife's burial.
Judge-Um-that's a grave charge.
EXPLAINED.
Rydes-Wheeler is humped-over, l
know, but he's great on the bike. Why,
he can ride backward!
Walker-Well, he's only following his
bent.
AN EARLY RISER
Gadzooks Keen scheme Wiley has for
getting up early; isn't it
Zounds-Whats that?
Gadzooks- Eats a yeast-cake every
night when be goes to bed
WANTED TO SEE IT WORK.
'Let me take the blamed thing home"
said the patient as the dentist relieved
him of his aching molar; Il want to take
it home and poke sugar in it TO sec it ache"
WORDS FrULy SPOKEN.
Ibid you hear about that hair-raising
story Hone was circulating 2" asked the
barber in Grabenstatter's
Don't tell it to me-" hastily replied
the customer. Keep it for your bald
headed victims"
USGENTLEMANLY.
1T seems to me,' shouted Uncle Allen
Sparks TO the fleeing boomer gin, whose
bicycle had given him severe Jolt at
crossing ''you might stop second or at
least look around to see whether you've
knocked anybody down or not. That
would be the gentlenanly thing to do"
ABSOLUTE PROOF.
A recruit, wishing TO evade service,
was brought, up for medical inspection,
and the doctor asked him
Have you any defects ?"
"Yes, sir; am short sighted"
"How can you prove it p
Easily enough, doctor. Do you see
that nail up yonder in the wall ?"
Yes"
"Wel, don't.
sUPERFLuoUs QUESTION.
These scales" said Dallas druggist
'are adjusted so nicely that you can tell
on them the difference between the weight
of blonde hair and dark hair"
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