The record-union., 1896-07-05
DOINGS0F THE BURLESQUERS.
The Usual hardi-Gras Wind-Up Of the
Celebration.
How the Horribles Disported Them.
selves Yesterday and Made
People Blush.


last, as a boy keeps his piece of cake,
so that he may the longer enjoy the
taste of it.
Accordingly the "Horribles'' We're the
last feature of the daylight portion of
yesterdays celebration, and before the
| last decision was rendered and the last
prize money paid over the sum had gone
to rest to make way for the pyrotechnic
evening attraction.
| Promptly at 4:3O o'clock the "HoIri-
bles" awoke Then there was seen a
horribly heaving motion, and under the
direction of Jigadier Brindle Whittier
the fun makers strung out and took
UP the line of march.
! And they were funny-many of them
| ludicrously so, and many local char
acters and institutions were taken off
in a manner to convulse the most con-
| firmed dyspeptic with laughter.
| National and political questions, too,
came in for share of Horribles' sport.
and the silver question" and 'McKin-
! ley were among the features. The
| turlesque of the proposed extension of
| the suffrage to women was very well
carried out, while The New Woman"
/ time she put her foot down in the
procession and hauled her husband
along by other chains than love.
| Casey and his Blonde" was another
of those provokingly funny things at
| which one laughed without well know
| ing why, but head and shoulders above
everything else was group No. A. en-
titled The City Board of Trustees >
\ hcY. of ba a
counterpart in the group, and those
who personated President Leonard,
Trustees Wachhorst, Kent and Devine
had evidently hung over the back rail
| of the Trustees room through more
| than one stormy session and thus
stored up pointers for future use.
| Among the other rough take-offs was
hay-Wagon float on which a hoodlum
dance was in progress during the par
ade. Spectacles of this kind should
never be allowed ON the public streets.
| One of the most laughable features
of the parade was No. A. "Sprinkled
| Streets in which G. Hahn and T. Nc
Lachlan had logged themselves out in
upto-date bicycle costume, but before
mounting their tandem wheel had Wis
tied the nearest mudhole taken a roll
therein and swabbed hands, face and
wheel with the mixture. They looked
woe-begone, but frightened UP consid-
erably when they We're presented with
$40 by the committee.
| The Horribles marched down J street
| from Tenth to Second, on Second to K,
up X to Tenth, on Tenth to j, up J to
| Sixteenth and countermarched down
! ] to Tenth, where they disbanded. jig
adler Brindle Whittier led the parade
after Captain of Police Ash, assisted
| by Officers Wilson, Bagley and Naghel,
had cleared the way, and the beauty of
the procession, Chief Aid Holmes, rode
solemnly after his chief.
Thousands upon thousands of people
| viewed the parade from every conceiv-
| able point of vantage, and when, after
the tired Horribles had made the round
| trip with no broken bones reported,
everyone turned into the Plaza to hear
the Horrible literary exercises.
No time was lost in starting the ball
to rolling, and the President, City Trus-
tee Robert Kent, after the band had
rendered a selection. in few horribly
chosen words introduced Doe Cronin
as orator of the occasion.
THE GRAFTON.
| T. c. Cronin, the Horrible orator, was
then introduced and delivered himself
of the following, after which he was
taken to the nearest freplug and sub
| jected to a four-inch stream Of Slickens.
He said:
Gentlemen, Mr.. President and La
dies: 1 rise before this Horrible Body
with feelings more easily described
than imagined. l come to address you
upon a subject in which you are all
concerned-a subject upon the decision
of which depends the destiny of a ma
tion-and | wish to speak in language
so simple that even women and chill
dren may be able to understand me.
| Subsequently to the time previous
! 10 taking up and proceeding, without
any premeditated, foregone, incombus-
tible. predisposed circumlocutorary re-
marks, either directly, indirectly re-
| frigeratively, or sedimentatiVely, it
would be well beyond the peradventur-
ability of a doubt, owing to the unemo
tional bosoms that swell up in my feel
ings, and also owing to the undoubted
linsophisticable, uncontradictable fact
that l have not had more than five
months notice that | would pour forth
my eloquence on this memorable occa-
sion on such an intinitessimal and pre-
deterninable subject, and owing to my
unexperimentable and unphilosophica-
BILE experience and knowledge OF the
subject under consideration, and from
| the fact that this audience is composed
principally chiefly and wholly, without
any superanuated division or subdi-
vision of males and females, irrespec-
| tible of sexes-owing to these facts, dis
positions and considerations, it would
be preferrng upon my honor if possible
an additional mark of disrespectfulness
and humanitarianism to say, as is GUS
tomary on such occasions, that / am
particularly unpreparad to address you
at this time. But as you have commu-
nicated together for the sole and in
d1vidual purpose of hearing my honor
speak, / shall endeavor to interest, en-
tertain and instruct you for the short
space of not more than four hours and
| a half.
| The first pint l would call your at
tention to is not exactly pint, but a
definition of the question. What does
the question mean? When one first
looks at it he thinks it is difficult
question to solve, but after he has gazed
out upon the broad field of nature and
upon the starry heavens and watched
the twinkling of those little planets,
and has slept for three nights on the
cold ground without a dime in his
pocket (nothing but twenty-dollar gold
pieces, and no place to get them
changed), is competent to discuss the
silver question.
What is silver? Silver is a soft,
white metallic element, sonorous, due