The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-09-10

IoNou anu LoSt"'H0 Nho" N"S
to An-Domestic crueIty..To be on the
Safe Side.
LOVED AND LOST.
"Did Mabel promise to marry her pho
tographer lover"
mo. She developed negative"
He KNEW THE SEX.
Hicks-My baby actually cried for the
moon last evening.
Wicks-Thats nothing. One OF these
days she'll be wanting the earth.
A BOON TO ART.
"They say crude oil is becoming e1-
hausted."
"Good! Now we shall be spared the
infection of so many crude oil paintings
DOMESTIC CRUELTY.
$50 Mrs. Bilker has got divorce?"
eyes; she discovered that MIR. Bllkef
had been hiding his small change every
night under flowcr-pot in the back yard"
TO BIZ ON THE SAFE SIDE.
Lnlu-You should get him to sign the
pledge before you marry him.
Babs-Why, he doesn't drink!
Lulu No, but he may be tempted 70
later.
REASONABLY SUPERsTITIoUs.
Wallace-Are you superstitious?
Ferry-Only reasonably SO. IL some
men know were to try to borrow $lS
of me Oh Friday would refuse.
MATERIAL vs.. TINE.
Gentleman-What is your hurry, Pat?
Haven't you all day in which to finish
the job?
Pat-Bagorra, Dim throyin' to finish
me job befoor the paint gives out.
USES OF THE PHoNoaRAPH.
"Goodness, Maria! Was the phono:
graph open during cat fightT'
mo. | turned it on last night when
you were sleeping. Perhaps you will
believe now that you snore."
uNwKLooME.
Peddler-"Peg pardon. ma'am, but l
am agent for Doctor Feeders Spice Root
Bitters, and Pm sure if the members OF
your family would try them they would
soon have the finest appetites-
Lady at door (severely)-"This, sir, Is
boarding house."
DIDN'T GO FAR ENOUGH
"Oh, yes" sighed the anteater, my
neck is all right as far as it goes, but"
He gazed longingly at the giraffe, who
deity picked cocoanut palm.
IRREsIsTIBLY ATTRACTED.
81 thought Wibble was such & &c
rider, and here he goes and smashes his
wheel against n brewery wagon"
That wasn't awkwardness. 1t was
case of fascination"
GOLDEN RULE FOR ENGLISH.
Auntie: Do YOU find your lessons ha
Little Nephew. Some of them is; but
spelin' and pronunciation is easy.
They are?"
"Yes'm All you has to do is to pro-
nounce words the way they isn't spelled,
and spell em some way they isn't pro-
nounced."
GOOD CHANCE FOR JOB.
Tramp-Kind madam, | hain't he'd
nuthin' t eat for two weeks
Woman at the door Wait till l call
my husband; he's dime museum man.
ager, and may give you fasting job.
PERFECTLY WILLING.
"Do you think your mother would let
you have another piece of cake, Willie?"
NJ, Sta ta1d IN No
sure and get filled up while l had the
chance"
WISE BOY.
Helen (awed). "Oh, Tommy. aren't
you awfully afraid of the bears they tell
about up here?''
Tommie. Nav! Pm not afraid OF
the bears anybody tells about. Pm only
afraid of the bears see."
AN INGENIOUS MAN.
Henry Peck-Does your wife scold you
or coming home late?
Crabbe-Not bit of it.
Henry Peck-How do you manage it !?
Crabbe-I don't have any wife.
HIS BUSINESS,
Muggins Is your son in business?
Buggins-He's contractor.
Muggins -What line?
Bugsins Debts.
GROUNDS FOR DISLIKE.
Mosquitoes are hateful. aren't they?"
Eyes; don't mind their eating me il
they didn't keep up such an everlasting
complaint about the way TASTE"
HE MISSED IT.
~ suppose you did not see the lovely
sunrise this morning." said Mr.. Early.
bird to Mr.. Nightowl.
"Of course not" was the latter's reply
in rebuking tone. al was abed long
before that You should cultivate better
hours, SIR"
TRIALS OF THE ROAD.
81 have been informed that your first
attempt at long distance ride on your
wheel turned out to be q highly dramatic