Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-06-14
The CORONATION.

I didn't get over to the coronation but
the car knows the reason and is not OIL
Tended.
The ceremony, 1 understand, beg
cared description" This phrase is
generally used further on where the
writer can't think of anything more to
saw; but l dislike to put of such nice
chunk of rhetoric for fear | forget II al
tOgether).
AS near as l can get at it, the follow
ing elements, properly dlstrlouted' con-
stituted the ceremony: A little brains,
much satin and ceremony and great
deal of gold. glitter and precious stones.
with the proper readings, bows, crosses
and kisses.
Everything went off nicely, | guess.
Nobody stepped in the holy water buck
ct or tramped on the czarina's train,
and nobody lost his specs or forgot when
he was to perform.
If l had been on the programme per-
forming Nicholas part l would have
"sure got" weak in the knees while l
was putting the crown on my head, and,
lust like as not, let it fall upon the old
metropolitan's corns, or else on to the
lead fiddle in the orchestral On solemn
occasions of this kind l most always
give an original performance not on the
programme by losing my specs, forget
ting my piece or else by tripping on the
CARPET l threaten the orchestra with i'm
mediate determination, besides fractur-
ing a suspsnder or two.
I'd rather plow hillside corn all sum-
mer than to be crowded one whole half
day in the presence of a lot of masters
of-the-ceremonies, court chamberlains,
dignitaries OF the grand ducal courts,
dignitaries of the foreign courts. officials
of the Imperial courts, dowager en-
presses. and royal higheverybodies I'M
til you can't rest. Besides, don't think
crown would be becoming to one of
my complexion.
And that sort OF perfunctory kissing
that took place in the ceremony would
not have been pleasant to one Of my ma
ture. / like the old-fashioned kiss me
you must" kind OF kisses, but deliver
me from these 81 s'pose I'll have to"
kisses, and especially when they are
likely to be full of Turkestan, Siamese
and other oriental microbes.
Since this smi-barbaric osculatory ex-
fibition Of royalty the car and czarina
must have on their persons a very I'M
congenial mixture of foreign microbes,
such that will likely exterminate one
another and do no harm after ALL The
Japanese will kill the Chinese microbes:
the Abyssian the Italian; and the
Turkish all the rest, themselves inclu-
ded.
The kissing, according to the taste OF
the kisser and his temporary affections
for the kisses, was inflicted in various
ways. Some kisses involved four lips
at a smack, while others we're on the
cars diamond collar and the czarinas
hand.
For a prince to have to kiss the cars
collar was cruel A kiss which involves
men only is a terrible infiiction, whether
executed on the collar or the food orr
flee. 1t makes me shudder TO think Of
it. But kissing the czarina, from what
read Of her, would be quite pleasant
feel safe in saying that there are
| others besides myself who are not anX-
ious to be come cars or kings, with all
! their decorations, pomp and power.
Though the present car promises
great reforms and much different Rus
STA, yet with all the seeming affections
of the Russians car can only give
freedom, but never take it. Itching
bombs will ever be nightmare TO the
| man who wears the crown.
Besides, a car is just as likely to have
corns at coronation as any one else.
Too many green apples in car make
the same identical pain which l could
| describe very wildly if had the space.
Little girls persisently come first in a
cars family, just as they do in some of
our more democratic homes in America
Don't think for a minute that the car
! has nothing but grand opera. ice cream
! soda and coronation ceremonies to his
mind. The car is just human after all.
and is deprived OF the greatest blessing
Of humanity-freedom.
After taking off his diamond collar for
the night after the coronation Nicholas
is supposed to have said, in that familiar
| tone, as he trimmed his corns:
"Aiexandra Feodorovna, Empress OF
all the Russias, where in the blazes has
my night shirt got to-"
Hubby, dear,eI am really so faxed