Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1896-05-01
A MEAN REVENGE.

If YOU want to know who am, allow
me to inform you that my name is
George Boomerang, better known in
Frazedona, where I reside, as Captain
Boomerang, late of the army. I am a
man of considerable wealth, own the
finest house in town and keep, or did
keep, man by the name of Sam, whose
duty it was to brush my clothes, hat and
boots and adjust my leg.
refer to wooden leg. The original
leg ran against cannon ball during our
late unpleasantness, and I have never
seen it since.
Well, it was Sans duty to take that
wooden leg off at night and to be on
hand in the morning to put it on before
I got out of bed, and now you know
why was yelling, "sam! Sam Sam p
And when inform you that this was
the morning of my wedding day perhaps
YOU can imagine how anxious was to
get on to my legs as soon as possible.
eyes, ma am, I was the lucky fellow
that had walked into the affections-on
a wooden leg too-of the handsomest
girl in Frazedona and was that day to
lead her to the altar. But I must get my
leg on first, and, as Sam wouldn't OF
couldn't come, rolled out Of bed and
went hopping around on one foot to find
my leg.
Now, my dear reader, when the sur
geon trimmed my stump after that little
affair with the cannon ball he sawed it
off uncommonly short, so perhaps you
can family imagine my feeling when,
after hopping around my room, I found
what / supposed to be my leg, but, upon
attempting to adjust it, discovered that
it was intended to go on below the knee.
s'Do wooden legs shrink? That's just
what I want to know" said I. And
then I rang the bell and called "Sam !"
Well, Samuel didn't come, but my
housekeeper, Mrs. Bloom, did.
"Mrs. Bloom" 1 cried, "where is
Sam?'
She answered me through the keyhole
of the door. "Re left the house last
night about II o'clock. Took his trunk
with him, and said he was gong to
leave town by the midnight train.'
Icouldn't understand it at first. I
had always used Sam well, paid him
good wagea, and he had seemed perfect
]y contented with his situation, and
served me faithfully until now.
Suddenly an idea struck me, and the
whole cause Of Sans perfidy was re-
vealed to me-
"By heavens, it is Slympkinsl I
yelled. "Slympkins is the cause Of all
my woe. He bribed Sam to steal my
leg on this my wedding day and leave
this insufficient prop in place Of it,
Jim Slympkins is Or was my rival.
He is the only son Of his father, who,
by the way, is the most wealthy gentle
man in Frazedona. Consequently Jim
doesn't do anything but smoke cigars,
drive round town behind his splendid
grays, and devote himself to the ladies
generally.
I rather had the advantage Of 6lymp-
kins. To be sure, Slympkins had or was
expecting to have much more wealth
than I could boast of, but he hadn' t my
face, you know, Or anything like it.
I was sorry for Slmypkins, but, hang
it, my dear sir, what could do? If he
had chosen Miss Short, Miss Ginx, Miss
Broad, or, in fact, any one but Miss
Amelia Seymour, it would have been
we'll. But it was really absurd for
Slympkins to suppose that would al
low him or any other man to marry
Amelia-at least while had wooden
leg.
I would have given Slympkins any,
thing in reason, but it was truly ridicu-
lous for him to think that I would give
him Amelia. told her SO, and then
folded her to my breast, and she folded
me to her breast, and allowed her to
sip the honey from my ruby lips.
Yes, I had won her, and poor Slymp-
kins was fairly wild with rage. He had
sworn to be reyenged, but laughed at
his threats.
Twas seated at the breakfast table sip
ping my coffee half an hour afterward
when Mrs. Bloom came running in, cry
ing:
"Oh, captain, know all about itl''
"What, the leg?"
"Yes, I think so. My daughter Eliza
says she saw Mr.. slympkins give Sam
some money last night
"Yes, I know it was Slympkins.
''More than that. Sam was married
last night to Miss Seymour's maid, and
they went off together by the IL O'Clock
rain."
"But. my dear woman" said I, II
don't care anything about whom he has
married or where he has gone. The
question is, Has he carried my leg with
him?''
"Why, I'm sure I don 1T know"
SWELL, that is just what want to
know, ma am. This isn't time for
trifing. You must remember that am
TO be married today, and, by Jovel I
want my legv'
"Why don't you ask Slympkins for
it,"
Eyes, and be laughed at. No. ] don't
intend to let him know anything about
=
don't know that he has got it. p"
"But what are you going to do:'
"Why, inst as soon as l finish my
breakfast I shall go to Mr.. Geymour's
and tell him of the perfdy of my sery-
I shall take that leg to prove
my statement-and, unless he objects
very strongly, shall insist on being
married upon clutches rather than to
have the wedding postponed. That would
please Slympkins too much. It's what
be expects, but I'll disappoint him, by
Jove!''
finished my coffee, and going to my
chamber took the ownerless leg, and
wrapped 1t up in paper. Then I came
down, and ordering my carriage rode
out to Mr.. Seymour s residence.
The old. gentleman met me at the