Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-09-10

and have your steak and onions. When
you get your bill for the meal you have
ordered it will take your breath away"
-:O:--
''This is the sixth pint of beer [ have
drunk, all through my wife putting me
out OF TEMPER. it is surprising what.
lot of money that woman costs me!'-
Tid-Bits.
Here is a copy of an announcement
said to have been found posted on a
Lawrence county church:
There will be preaching in this house,
Providence permitting, Sunday, and
there will be preacheing whether Or
not on Monday following upon the sub
ject, He that believeth and is baptized
shall be saved, and he that ,believeth
not shall be damned,' at precisely half
past 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Hot
Springs News.
Some years ago the Queen was a sue
cessful exhibitor of some pigs at Lon
don show, the animals afterwards be-
ing purchased by a Sheffield butcher.
Her majesty subsequently honored the
tradesman by sending TN order for
sausages made from the royal swine.
Some time after this his royal high
ness the late Duke of Albany paid
visit to Sheffield, and as the royal car
riage was passing the shop of the butch
er whose speciality was royal sausages
man in the crowd, pointing in the direc-
ton of the shop, greeted the royal Wis
itor with: See thee, that's whear thee
mother gets her sOssages!
''Tubbs says he's been making num-
Der of improvements about his home re-
Gently Yes, [ noticed he's sold the
piano. "-Tid-Bits.
Striking but not prepossessing in ap-
pearance was DR.. Hook, the great York
shire vicar.
AS a boy, he was spoken of as one on
whom nature had tried her prentice
hand" In later years he himself used to
comment on what he called his "ugli-
ness,' and to tell of the effect which his
stout figure and snowy-white hair and
whiskers produced upon little girl.
Having been told to go and kiss DR..
Hook, she hesitated, shrugged her Shout
ders and exclaimed:
Tell mamma to go and kiss him
first
Spinks-"Brace up, man; you'll never
get girl if you fear to pop the ques-
tom
Binks-"I'm not too frightened to pop
the question: Out i Hdlc 70 QueSalOn tuc
Pop.'-Boston Bulletin.
mr. Barrelton," said the campaign
worker, Il called on you to see whether
you had received our request for contri-
buttons to the fund"
I'm afraid replied the wealthy parti-
san, that l will have to disappoint you"
You don't mean to say that you're not
going to help us out! l thought you'd be
rx4o -
give me a bunch of checks signed in
blank You're the man that stimulates
more enthusiasm than anybody else.
You're the man who talked so much
about your motto being Hold the fort or
Stick to the ship, or somthing like that"
My friend, / am acting in strict accord
ance with previously expressed senti-
is Never give up "-Washington Star.
Il suppose" said the native of Ameri-
ca to the foreigner, that you find our
manners and customs very interesting"
Mot exactly" replied the visitor, as he
gazed at a fleeing bicycle girl. What |
find interesting are your manners and
costumes. ashington Star.
In the midst of a stormy discussion a
gentleman rose to settle the matter in
dispute. Waving his hand majestically,
he began: Gentleman, all want is
common sense" Exactly" interrupted
another; that is precisely what you
want
But Sir Edward Clarke's retort in the
Jameson trial is still more to the purpose.
The encouragement had argued against
Sir Edward Clarke}s points as being con-
trary to common sense. Sir Edward OBJ
jected. "Then you Think" said the lord
chief justice. dryly, that common sense
70 do Di,,fS
NO" replied Sir Edward, with that
quickness and felicity which never fails
him: Il am only of Archbishop Whate-
ly's opinion, who said that common
sense is an authority to which everyone
appeals on any subject he does not fully
understand.
what kind of service do you get in
the dining room?' asked the newcomer.
II really don't know" replied Miss
Smart II understand. though. that the
head waiter is an Episcopalian.' -Har-
per's Bazaar.
LOVES TREACHERY.
Rejected sore, the poet grieved,
And in his song he poured his grievlnS;
Bewailed that Love had SO deceived
When Love had sworn against decelying.
Unto his lady-love serene
He sent a sad. reproachful sonnet
She mailed it to magazine
And got check. and bought bonnet.
Atlanta Constitution.
II trust your husband is Christian,
Mrs. Bjames." observed the pastor, who
was making a call. We'll, yes. returned
Mrs. Bjames. somewhat hesitatingly.
"He's very amateurish as yet. but l
have hopes of him. Chicago Tribune.
Misplaced Magnetism.-"I knew fell
low that could tame tiger with glance
of his eye "What became of him
Hes dead. He tried it on bicycle
scorcher. Chicago Record.
to-
Tommy-"Paw. what is chip hat
The paper says the lady wore blue chip
hat" -. 90 IN
hat. / suppose indianapolis Tribune.
CHARLES Meadowbrooke's horse ran
away with him at the last hunt, and ne