The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1896-09-06
a rAnE OF TWO BILLS.
Being Lucid Discussion of Political
Issues of the Day.

Being a Lucia OdSCuSStOb OI OttttCdI
Issues of the Day.
SACRAMENTO, CAL, Sept. 4. - An
animated political discussion between
the fruit and the vegetables was over
heard in the horticultural department
this morning. 1t was awakened by a
small boy passing along and hitting the
prize pumpkin sounding rap over the
head with a campaign cane with Bryan
head on it. This was observed by the
prune, which hoped around on its plate
with glee and shouted for Mckinley and
the yellow metal.
'Are you for Mckinley" inquired the
prune of the pumpkin.
He's yellow enough to be for gold, but
he's not so green" replied the big silvery
squash with the long curved beak.
"Say, how's WatsonP asked a plum
from Santa Clara county.
"He's like Bryan-not in it, said the
sweet peach from Sacramento, blushing at
her own temerity in entering political
discussion.
"Hurrah for woman's suffrage" shouted
the prunes and the apples and the yellow
pears, and the big squash with the curved
beak and the great pumpkin, cIapping
fheir hands. The grapes and the hops
rowned and turned their faces away.
The sweet peach puckered her red lips
at the grapes and the hops, but bowed and
smiled at her cousins the prunes, the
apples and the plums, and at the great
vegetables, irrespective of party. And
then she cast shy glance at the hand
some jellyglass with the long, graceful
stem, and continued to demurely regard
the discussion.
"Let the pumpkin answer for himself"
said the prune, ignoring the silver squash
with the long beak.
The pumpkin looked naughty and dig
nified. He paused moment, swelled up
few inches more like Secretary Smith.
'I'm no rutabaga," he replied in deep
bass voice. 81 live on top of the ground,
where l can see and hear and learn. Ii l
can get SIC for 81 l guess l want it, don't
l? The ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ground
people will have hard money to throw at
the crows instead of lying helpless in the
fields and having our eyes picked out"
ayes, and you'll eat crow, too, after
next November, said the prune, whereat
the dried fruit raised loud laugh, seem
ing to think this retort very funny. The
almonds and the other nuts raised an ap-
proving CHATTER on their porcelain plates,
while, taking advantage of the noise to
escape observation, the sweet peach and
the long-stemmed glass OF jelly exchanged
chances again.
You don't know as much as the silver
squash there with the boathook nose"
continued the prune, when he could make
himself heard above the noise. You are
about as shallow as the boy orator of the
Platte which river, have heard it said,
is about 1000 miles long and about two
inches deep. 1t covers a good deal of ter
ritory, but if you are looking for depth it
is not there"
Long and enthusiastic applause followed
from the entire audience of dried and
fresh fruit. Only the vegetables were
quiet.
''I'll bet Is to 1 that you can't tell why
you are for Mckinley" retorted the.great
pumpkin, considerably nettled.
"I'lI tell you why l am for high tariff
and sound dollar in about two seconds, Z"
said the prune.
"Hear, hear" shouted the plums,
peaches and pears, fresh and dried.
"Under the Mckinley tariff my master
sold me in the markets of the world for 10
to 20 cents a pound. Under the Demo-
cratic free trade Mills-bill tariff all they
sold me for was 80 per cent less, or from 4
to 10 cents pound. There is nothing in
prunes any more except the ability to
realize the pernicious effects of a low tariff
which the pumpkins and the squashes of
this country have forced on the people OF
California ana the Nation.
How would you like to have the pump
kins and the squashes of Italy come over
here and compete with you in your own
field? That's what Italian prunes are
doing, and my friend G. o. Wine (claret
and other) says it is the same trouble in
his case. That's why am for Bill Nc
KinIey, the Mckinley Bill and the sound
dollar"
The pumpkin and tie squash turned
away. Refectively they gazed at the pass
ing throng.