The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-12-04
BROTHER BANGS OUT.
HE RESIGNS FROM THE coLoRED cv-
cLIsTs1 FAMOUS CLUB.


Man Concludes That the Bike Is Too
Much For Hira-The Strange Case Of
Brother sardanapalus jackson.
When the meeting had been duly open
ed. President Toots announced the follow
ing rules and regulations to govern for the
fall and winter season.
Every member must provide himself
with a red flannel chest protector with the
monogram of the club on it 1t can be
worn on the chest on the back or any
place the owner elects.
s'WhiIe the club believes that stockings
are healthy and attract admiration, such
mem bers as desire to go barefoot in their
shoes can do so without prejudice to their
standing
1T has been suggested that sleigh bells
would add to the pieturesqueness of the
bike during the winter season, but mem
bers can exercise their own Judgment.
mo way has yet been invented to warm
the pedals in winter, but it is believed that
cayenne pepper in the riders shoes, with
plenty of mustard rubbed on the handle
bars, viii prevent frost bites and chill
blaina.
ssThis club, having been organized only
a few months, is anxious to know what
the result is when wheel spinning along
down hill strikes an icy spot about 10 feet
long All communications viii be consid-
IS left ia poor circumstances the sum of
50 will be sent her from the club treasury.
"a spirit lamp has been invented to
hang beneath the saddle and diffuse gen
eral warmth, and the same viii be fur
nished to mernb ers Of this club at a dis
count from regular rates tits the inven-
ton of a cOl0red man in Chicago and is
bound to revoIutionize winter riding"
The resi- gnation of the Hon. CataIinus
Bangs, accompanied by a typewritten e1-
PLANTATION, was presented to the club for
action. The Hon. Catalinus is 20 years
old. When invited to become a mem Der
Of the club, he had grave doubts that he
would ever be able to ride, but he signed
the roll from patriotic motives; also be-
cause he wanted to convey the idea to a
certain widow that he was only so. He
had started in with great earnestness of
purpose, and for many weeks his enthu-
siasm had been kept at the boiling point.
BY heroic and long continued efforts he
had been able to wabble over half block
Of pavement, but he hung right thare and
could get no farther. In four months he
had run over seven people, ten baby car
riages, a milk wagon, two ambulances
and a moving van. During the same time
he had been picked up for dead on about
so different occasions. After remaining
In an unconscious state for three hours on
the last occasion he had revived to learn
that the widow was to be married a month
hence and to conclude that the bike was
too many for him. He would always wish
the club success and would drop in now
and then for a game Of poker, but he
thought it best to sever all active connec-
lions While all expressed regret at losing
q good man, the resignation was accepted. i
The president then announced that the
case of Brother Sardanapalus Jackson
would be taken up for final disposal
Brother jackson was among the first to
learn to ride the frisky steed, and the
manner in which he ran things elected
surprise and admiration. In one week he
was arrested five times. During another
seven days he was licked by five different
pedestrians. Complaints came in SO fast
that he was finally suspended pending an
estigation. He was now present and
ready to be Investigated, and it was not
long before curious condition of affairs
developed. Brother Jackson was not only
color blind, but his vision was way off in
other directions. What to the eyes Of any
other person was large moving van with
two horses hitched to it appeared to him
to be only a small boy. with a pug nose,
drawing cart along the street. That &C
counted for his humping into so many
vehicles. The eurbstones along the streets
appeared to him like SO many chalk lines,
and unless a pedestrian had red hair or
wore a blue necktie he appeared like a
wavering shadow to Brother jackson.
Lamp posts he could not distinguish at all,
and another rider on a wheel was often
taken for a poodle dog trotting along. If
an Italian had a push cart loaded with
fruit on a corner, Brother Jackson took
him for bay window on the second story
and rode right into him at full speed, and
all the street cars appeared to him to be
lame men crossing the road to get a glass
of beer. When these facts came out, it
was the unanimous opinion Of the club
that be must tender his resignation, which
was reluctantly done and promptly accept
ed. Brother Jackson will probably be en-
gagged by some dime museum for the win
ter, and as four nickels look to him to be
four silver dollars, the manager who gets
him viii have a soft snap as to salary.
NJ QUAD.