The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-03-14
following note which gives a true historss


iadopt the rom de plume Of Bill Nye, and
can truthfully reply that did not do st
at all. "
sMy first work was done on a territorial
paper in the Rocky Mountains somt
twelve years ago, and was not signed. The
style, or rather, the lack OF it, provoked
some comment and two or three personal
encounters Other papers began to won
der who was responsible, and various
names were assigned by them as proper
one among them Henry Nye, James Nye
Robert Nye. ETC., and a general discus
sion arose, in which I did not take 2
hand. The result was a compromise, by
I which was chr listened Bill Nye, and the
name has clung to me.
Il am not especially proud of the name
for it conveys the idea to strangers that
am a lawless, profane and dangerous man
People who Judge me by the brief and
bloody name alone, instinctively shlrldeI
and examine their firearms. 1t suggests
daring, detbauchery and defiance to the
law. Little children are called i'm when
am known to be at large, and day OF
fasting is announced by the governor cf
the state. Strangers seek to entertain me
by showing me the choice iniquities Of
their town. Eminent criminals ask me
in accepting their respective dooms. ANA
teur criminals ask me to revise their work
and to suggest improvements.
''All this is the cruel result of an acci-
dent, for | am not that kind of a man
Had my work been the same, done over
! the signature of Taxpayer or sVoX Pop
uli, how different might have been the re-
suit. Seeking as | am, in my poor, Wsak
way to make folly appear foolish, and to
make men better by speaking disrespect-
! fully of their errors. do not deserve to
be regarded by strangers as q tough or a
terror, but rather as a plain, laW-abiding
American citizen ,who begs leave TO sub
scribe himself yours, for the public veal,
EDGAR WILSON NYE.''
In politics Bill Nye was a Republican
but he never let his political creed show
itself in his writings. In fact, Democrats
are the largest readers OF hfs books.
| One day asked him what he Thought OF
the Democratic party. m
"'The Democratic party he repeated
''The Democratic party. Why, Demo
crat keeps our drug store over there, and
when little girl burned her arm against
the cook stove and her father went after
a package of Russian salve, this genial
drug store Democrat gave him a package
IL
| party needs,'' said Mr. Nye tis carload
of assorted brains that some female SEM
mary had left over.'
| An Englishman was talking with Mr..
| Nye in Laramie about English and Amer
| ican humor. 4
| ':In my opinion" said the Englishman,
| t'the humor of the United States if close
| ly examined, will be found to depend, in
a great measure on the ascendency which
the principle of utility has gained over
the Imagination Of rather imaginative
| people" ,:.gs4,
."Just so,'' replied Bill, land, according
to my best knowledge the humor of Eng
| land, If closely examined, will be found
| just about ready to drop over the picket
fence into the arena but never quite MAX
ing connections. If we scan the English
| literary horizon we will find the humor-
! list up tall tree, depending from a sharp
knot thereof by the slack of his overalls.
He is just out of sight at the time you
| cook in that direction. He always has a
man working in his place however. The
man who works in his place is pairing
down the half sole and newly pegging a
joke that has recently been sent in by the
foreman for repairs
BILL AND 'ELIAR" MIX UP.
| On the occasion of my visit to Laramie
| Mr.. Nye introduced me to my Laramie
audience. His introduction was like this
| "Ladies and Gentlemen-I am glad that
| it has devolved upon me tonight to an
! nounce that we are to have an interesting
| lecture on lying by one of the most dis
| tinguished--. (There was a pause, for
Mr. Nye's infection indicated that he had
| finished, and the audience roared with
%l,~k hat
the sentence was concluded) lecturers
| from the east"
! Mr.. Nye continued: eve have our or
binary country liars in Laramie, but Mr.
Perkins comes from the metropolis. Our
everyday liars have fine record. We
are proud of them, but the uncultured
liars of the prairie cannot be expected to
cope with the gifted and more polished
prevaricators from the cultured east. La
dies and gentlemen, permit me to intro
duce to you Eliar Perkins, 4s@,
! Ladies and gentlemen" said in reply.
'tI feel justly fattered by your Laramie
humorist's tribute to my veracity, but
| truly am not as great liar as Mr. Nye
| ----'' and then I seemed to falter. The
audience saw my dilemma and applauded
and finally couldn't finish the sentence
| for some moments, but continuing, said:
II am not as big a liar as Mr.. Nye-
would have you think
a day or two after this picked up the
Boomerang and read this paragraph:
when Eli Perkins was passing through
Laramie he said he was travelling for his
| wife's pleasure.
ss"Then your wife is with you? sug-
gested our reporter.
"tOh no., said Eli, she is in New
York;
Our kinslip.
When England talks about our kinship
she should recollect that just before the
revolution the following state of affairs
existed and that state of affairs she
| would bequeath to us as legacy:
81 A crown Imported, German on a
Dutch stock) @
2. An aristOcracy.
8. A chamber of hereditary legisla-
tors.
a. Union of Church and State.
| s. A religious test for suffrage, Office
and university privilege.
G. Taxation without representation.
Z. No education except for the rich.
s. .Phimogeniture and entail
/ 8. Denial of self government
| When Uncle Sam made one leap from
boyhood to manhood he declined the be-
quest which England would have insisted
Upon his taking, had he remained tied TO
her apron strings. and instead of it lie