The Portland daily press., 1896-11-19
II AND THE EMPRESS.
The True Story Of His Recent Quarrel
With China's First Lady.

With Chtna'S First Lady.
The Courier private Picking wire brings
an interesting account of the audience
which the dowager empress gave to Ii
Hung Chang last week on his arrival in
the Celestial city. The vioeroy approach
ing the effulgent preserve of the throne on
his hands and knees, lightly brushed the
dust from her majesty's diminutive san
dals with his lips, and rising to kneeling
posture asked, "How old are
The absentminded earl did not check
himself in time and his face grew ashy
pale as the eyes of the dowager empress
transfixed him. The courtiers held their
breath, and few who hated Lii sniggered
in their ample sleeves.
"What nonsense is this Lip" asked the
empress. Chow dare you ask how old I
ami You have my birthday book, haven't
you?"
Pardon, pardon, Q Light of Asial'
cried Ii. "For the moment 1 thought
was addressing Victoria of Engisnd.
"Well, that was stupid of you, I'm
sure, I" said the empress, drumming impa-
tiently on the arms of the throne IT
hope you don't think I look like that
dowdy old trump"
Goodness, no." said Ii, "but she was
the last thing in the way of royalty that
saw on my travels, and for an instant
forgot where l was at. -
"Where you were whatS'
cat. That's an Americanism, you
know. Say, you ought to go to America.
1t knocks the eye out of any country
travelled through"
sis that an Americanism, too-that op-
teal observation
''Sure. Say, you can talk any old way
in America and it goes. See? All you
want is thoughts and you can let your
mouth make just the language it likes to
fit the thoughts. It's out of sight when
you get on to it. But, talking about
America, if you go there it'll kill you dead
to''-
There was shrek from the dowager
empress. "Guardsl Guardsp' she cried.
"Oh, what will? What will?'
"What'u WHAT" asked Ii petulantly.
"What'l kill me dead?'' And the dow
ager empress shuddered.
Ii uttered blood curdling American
oath under his breath Then aloud he
said: Nothing would, guess. I simply
meant that you would be amazed to see
the tall buildings in America-2O stories
high, ten times as high as your majesty s
imperial palace. There's not pagoda in
all China half as high as the highest Of
| these"
The dowager narrowed her eyelids and
| smiled superciliously. "We always held
| you in high esteem as a liar, Lii . said she,
"but you seem to have added to your ac-
complishments during your sojourn in
foreign parts. Whatll you take?"
ooh, any old thing"
| "What's thats'
"Pardon again, o Daughter Of Heavenl
meant that left the matter to your I'M
paralleled self. But if 1 be commanded to
choose, let it be gin rickey.''
| "What in the name of all that's celes-
tial is that2''
HIt's hot stuff, o empress-a new drink
lately invented by an American states
man. Lo Feng Luh can mix 1t to your
sacred majesty's exalted taste, to say moth
ing of my humble and wretched one.''
Lo Feng Luh retreated backward out of
the presence to mix the gin riokey, and Ii
continued: "Your omnivorous-I mean
mniscient-majesty may doubt me when
I speak of the tall buildings of America,
| but even they are not so amazing as the
elevators in them. I had heard tell of
these machines, but experience Of them
surpasses the widest preconception. They
are out of sight.
There you go dropping into America
| again. Let's see-how Is it you saw its
Oh. yes-'it'll kill you dead If you don't
cure yourself Of that habit
''That isn't just the way they use it in
America" said Ii. "You ought to make
it more figurative, SO to speak,
"Well, Ididn't mean it in a figurative
sense at all, Ii. / meant it literally.
Please to bear that in mind. All, there, q
Lo with the drinks. What do YOU call
em-ricketts?"
"Rickeys-gin riokeys. Here's to Won.
| o Light of Asia, Flower of the Sun. Dauob.
ter of the Gods, and SO forth, and to Amer
lea. and to Mr.. hickey. Down YOU 90.
May you live long and pro-wugh- br-r-r,i-
The heads of the dowager empress and
Ii were tipped back and were only timed
forward again when the glasses were
drained. The dowager empress Thought
| fully sInacked her lips and looked critical
| ly into the glass
"Well," said Ii, ''it's great isn't itp,
II don't think said the dowaper am.
press A wild burst of laughter broke
from the lips of Ii Hung Chang. He
doubled up on the floor and rolled nirtb-
fully at the feet of the dowager empress.
She, with wrathful eyes bent upon him.
commanded him to speak. care Won
mad2'' she cried.
IT don't think" shrieked Ii, and rolled
again in oonvulsive merriment, "'I don't
think That's too good. Why, that's an
awful Amerioanism!
~ was about to say, when you inter.
rupted me-" snapped the dowager ON.
press, "that I don't think like Won,
friend Mr.. Riokey's drink
"Ohr' said Ii.
eyes. Oh! You've got into too free
way Of interrupting and doing the tall.
ing yourself, III. You are banished fro,,,