The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-09-16
UUMOR OF THE DAY.

when men are not regrettln9 that
life is so short they are doing some p
thing to kill time. .-Atchison Globe.
"Why does Stimson always carry his
umbrella closed when it rains?" "He
is afraid the owner may recognize it."
Detroit Free Press.
Lord Nocount (proudly)-"I can
trace my descent from William the
Conqueror. Cynicus-"You have
been long time on the downward
path. Truth.
"Does your family sympathize with
you when you have insomnia?" Eyes.
When 1 can't sleep sit up all night
and practice on my accordion. -
Chicago Record.
"Alas father, 1 have lost my
heart" walled the heroine. The
villain scowled. "Careless grill" he
exclaimed between his clinched teeth.
Philadelphia Record.
For Beginners: Inventor
working on cyclometer. Friend.
"What is the special feature?" In
ventor-"It registers the number of
times you fall. Puck.
"Have you read that article 'How
to Tell Bad EggP" "No, haven't;
but my advice would be if you have
anything important to tell bad egg,
why, break it gently. ."--Household
Words.
''Ihis blackberry pie isn't nearly so
good as those mother used to make.
"No; l told your mother this morn
ing when she made it that you would
be sure to find fault with it. Chicago
Record.
Miss Oldfriend-"I declare 1 begin
to feel that Pm growing old. It's
really unpleasant. Miss Becky Sharpe
-"Yes, dear, it must be especially so
for one who has been young so long"
STANDARD.
At the Camping Party: The Crank
This is the last time I'll ever camp
out !" The "Well, you
shouldn't camp out, unless you can en-
joy yourself without being comfort
able. Puck.
care you taking swimming lessons,
CadbyP "No, old fellow. It's too
much bother. My valet is learning,
and as l never go anywhere without
him, if 1 fell in tine watah he could
rescue me. "-Harper's Bazaar.
A contemporary asks: GLOW can
bloomer girl climb a tree when she
sees cross bull in her path?" She
can do it ''like little man." That is
one of the advantages of the homely
bloomers. -Morristown Herald.
She-'I thought you said the sea-
side never drew you to it?" He Jim
pressiyely)-"It was not the seaside
drew me here" She-"Of course
you came by train, didn't YouP 1t
was the engine drew you r'-Illus.
trated Bits.
Precious Time Mrs. Wheeler -"My
husband and l decided not to go to
Europe, because it takes too long to
get there" Mrs. Jones-"loo long?"
Mrs Wheeler-"Yes; fancy being un-
able to use ones wheel for six or seven
days l"-Puck.
Tourist-"So that's the oldest in
habitant? One hundred and four
years old No wonder you are proud
of him" Native--"I dunno; he amt
done nothin' in this here place 'cept
grow old, an it's took sight o. time
TO do that l"-lit-Bit
Lost for Ever: 81 was unfortunate
enough to leave my umbrella in Il
street car yesterday" remarked Man
chester. "Whose umbrella was itY
asked Birmingham. "l don't know.
l borrowed 1t from Snaggs. Pitts
burg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Lost Heirloom: There is no
gout in Sir Percy's family, is there?"
"Not now; there was, formerly. 1t
was introduced into family by Sir Ro-
land Highliyer, but Uhey aaye been SO
poor for the lasl two hundred years
that they couldn't keep it up
Puck.
Holen-"Oh, yes he always thought
the world of me. Before we were
married he used to say that he was
willing to die Tor me. Nellie-"But
he didn't" Helen-"Of course not.
He was SO thoughtful, you know. He
said that he did not dare do it, lest ]
should be unable to replace the 10 SIS. "
Boston Transcript.