The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1896-04-26
HUMOR IN THE HOUSE.
Speech Made by Peter j. Otey, a vir-
ginfa Rival OF John Allen.

Mr.. ~Speaker-It has been said that doctors
practice on their own patients, but that
members or Congress, especially when they
are on the Cuban resolutions. practice on
the patience of others. I propose to take
advantage Of that prerogative for the few
There is a story told of a man and his
wife who quarreled as TO what they should
have for dinner. The one wanted terrapin
stew and sherry and the other wanted can
vasback ducks and champagne. They wran-
gled and quarreled, and finally compromised
terraptn stew of the senate and the canvas
back duck of the House, and now we have
come In and compromised on cabbage. in
the form of this resolution.
Mr.. Smith of Michigan-If the gentleman
will permit me, / should like to ask him a
question.
tleman yield.
Mr.. Otey-Yes. sir, with pleasure.
Mr.. Smith of Michigan-I should like to
ask you If you have not misstated the
facts? Do you not mean that they have
had the canvasback ducks at the White
House? Qaughter.)
that question in this way. 1t is said that
Chief Justice Chase was talking to a mig
colored people by saying niger 1t is a
word most appropriately derived from the
word niger" meaning black. He said to
this ~coon-negro, l mean Qaughter)-'T have
always thought II was very strange that a
coon wore his fur On the outside. When I
have a coat with fur on 1t | generally put
SAiC l0A IA lhC hCiQ Il hI4 ludl ~ 10
warmer to wear II that way, and 1 do not
see why a coon should not wear ii in that
way. Why isit? well" said the negro. you'd
know. If you was de COON" Uaughter.)
"Why?" asked the Chief Justice. BE
cause" said the negro, you would have
more sense" Without rejecting on your
intelligence, sir, and with the utmost of
pleasantry, you have a complete answer.
Uaugnter.)
spring chicken of this House and do not go
there unless sent for TO be consulted about
great matters Of state, and 1 do not suppose
the gentleman from Michigan does. / do not
know anything about what they have there
to eat. But a spring chicken had better stay
away. l have only been there once or twice.
and / do not know that l Will ever go there
again. Laughter)
Now. Mr.. Speaker, we hear a great deal
of talk about war. | am opposed to war.
/ was red hot for it. Qaughter) But. sir.
in the language of that great mani do not
knew xn0, v whet 1icI. I 7 p Gsme' Yes It s sight t. or ca n0ta
there. / remained there. N o surgeons GER
~tificate, sir. ever sent me home; and in the
friend of my friend Mr.. Fucker, no one sent
me there to have "the perpetual enjoyment
curity." Gaughter.) II was not TO be hete-
rogeneously bamboozled by the un-
sophisticated audacity of any man
i as sn S Saa si Soiidf I ws ssid' not; c1rsS as
veni. / say. 1 came. Then vidi. 1 saw. Yes;
I saw rebels there in thousands, with bellig-
do not know yet which side of this question
/ am on Qaughter), although you can guess
which / was on then. l will get to that pres
emily. The trouble about 1t is that 1 have
not been able to tell which side a great
many now are on, because they have been
talking about national law. and intsrnational
law, what General Grant, Henry Clay, Mad
isen and Monroe said, and all that sort OF
thing. of WHICH the average Congressman
Yes. Sir; / saw the rebels in thousands
and thousands, with belligerent rights.
marching toward a gallant foe. I saw them
yell. / heard the thunder of their cannon.
maintaining belligerent rights. 1t is not out
of place, therefore. for me to say lastly
But, sir, not until the big guns at Fort
Delaware, where I had been invited to stay
a few days by Uncle Sam uaughter). just
these big guns Numbered there and Informed
me that the name of Appomattox had been
N Mar ! Virginia had surrendered. making
the name of Ulysses 5. Grant immortal,
not till then did l conquer; and then con-
nown as a belligerent! Great laughter.)
That time came and / bowed to the ~inevita-
BILE. / confess, sir. that ever since then l
have had no more thirst Tor gore. IKE
newed laughter.)
Now. Mr.. Speaker, why all this talk about
war. and all this talk about rights and
principle, international law and justice, and
all such things? Mr.. Speaker, just let us
see what would be the application of prin-
ciple.. right and international law under
case-you all would not suppose it was a
supposable- case-but just suppose a case
NNorshern States had seeded and that the
Southern States had undertaken to maintain
the Union. What would nave been the re-
iausehter and applause secession would
have succeeded then. No doubt about that.
You all had too heavy guns for us so and w TOO
was abstractly right. the same causes would
have produced the same effects. Therefore,
If the cause Of the he t I'M so, mao ! oes saa, the
then it would have been the whale that the
fish swallowed. see? There Is no question
Proposition Of international law; but the
do With Cuba? Great iaughter2 About as
much as the speeches against these resoiu-
The Speaker Pro Tempore-The time of
the gentleman has expired.
Mr.. Tucker-I yield five minutes more to
Mr. OteyGThanks. I am much more
pleased than I make out / am. Wei sir
and international law when l was
out. etc. These things OF right and justice
arbitrament of arms. That settles the ques-
ticn. as a general thing. OF course seces-
sion was wrong, because the arbitrament OF
arms settled II. l am not going TO discuss
secession. gentlemen, not only because that
has nothing to do with Cuba, but because
it is, as we know, a new question. In deal
ing with Cuba we should remember that the
United States does not follow the example
of other nations: and we do not want to
wait to see what England Is going to do.
about the finances or any other thing. /
hone we will make precedents instead of
waiting for them. ! do not believe with
some of my friends on the other side of this
chamber that the people of the United
States can whip the United States great APP
pIause and ~laughter). and hence we should
act independently and courageously.
Now, sir. ! am not like that gentleman
who delivered a Fourth of July GRAFTON on
one occa sion. when he said the American
and had scanned the whole world and then
Tit" in America. with one foot In the At
lantic ocean, the other foot In the Pacific
ocean. with her tail Hopping in the Gulf Of
Mexico and picking grass IN Canada Great
iaughter.J No. sir: / do not believe that.
But l do believe, sir. that the United States
is big enough to take care of herself in
maintaining any opinion which 1t may ex-
press through us In this House-I being one
OF sus's-and capable OF giving bellfgerent
rights TO Cuba (great applause). even
though they be rebels.