Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-04-18
IKE AND HIS TOWN

VI SOme NOW uIlLUlpOTlduC OUSeTVullOu OL d
member Of the little group Of prominent
Hawvillains with whom he was fraterniz-
ing.
'Shore thing!'' acquiesed Colonel Handy
Polk, a trife grandiloquently. "Ad astra
per infinitum, you know. Them words Is
Latin, gentlemen, an means United we
stand, divided we faH.' " '-
THAT sorter reminds me- said Alkali
Ike, who was in a reminiscent mood, "of
the time 1t rained, up in Tcngancxie, some
years ago. In some ways the story kinder
jibes with Mr.. Eastman's observation, an,
in other ways 1t don't. Tell you how it
was"
Nobody could offer any valid objections,
and so he began:
Thar is drouth, the time I'm livin' up
thar in Tongaroxie, which has continnered
SO long that everybody but the prohibit
t1onists Is heap worried. The crops Is
parched in the fields, cattle is sufferin' an.
bel1erin' hoarsely for water, an everything
Is arid a plenty. Things is looking mighty,
respondent, an SO, when it has got 50 far
along that man has to carry a bottle Of
water to prime himself with before he can
spit to do any good an the catfish Is kick
in up sech dust in the bed Of the creek
that you can't see across it, the board Of
trade takes the matter in hand.
The Tonganoxie board of trade is plumb
up to the times in them days-strictly fong
de swizzle as they say in the east-an'
mighty sage an businesslike band, any
way you look at 'em. This yere organiza-
ton Is the board Of trade on Fridays an
the Jim-a-long Club all the rest Of the
week, an no grass GROWN up betwixt its
toes. any of ,he time
Its occupation Is lookin' after the well
fare an advancement Of the town, encour-
asln' immigration, givin' social dances, git
tin up celebrations, officiatin' at lynchins',
carin' for the poor, run aim out Superiiuous
persons ri La ~ aim,
regular old Dutch uncle to the community
In general. I'm a member of it, myself, and
some of the stiffest little games of poker
an prettiest gun plays that ever had the
pleasure of minglin in occurs durin some
of the sessions of the board.
Thar has been prayers for rain goin on
Tor some time; some of the business men is
In favor of sendin' off for the rain makers
an others take no stock in a mechanical
Providence. so to speak, some folks want
one thlng, an some another; the oldest in
habltant is pokin' around that nothin' is
no. good an prOgnosticatin' about the ter
rible drouth of eighteen hundred an-suthin' ;
the calamity hoWlerS is yawpin' an pecky-
eckyin on general principles; the farmers
an claimhoders is threatenin' to go back
to their wives folks in Injianny; the in
hdeis Is swearin' shameful; an so on. Some
advocates this an some that an all of
EN- makes great hoobly-boobly, which
accOmpliSheS nothin'
AS I'm sayin, the board Of trade is a
heap businesslike body, an we holds a
powwow an offers a bonus of 5000 for a
good big soaktn' rain. maxim no restric-
lions or Specifications as to who fetches 1t
or now 1t shall be done. 1t is simply bring
on your rain an come up to the captains
Office and git your money. We circulates
handbills to this effect, an directly the
good work begins.
Two different sets Of rain makers out
IN appearance, set up rival shops an begin
Tor to shoot anvils or suthin', send up bal
Inn ftply, IT, H..
great hooraw generally, accordin' to their
methods an preferences. The church peo-
pie an the Salvation Army start to holdin
rival prayer meetinS an Is shore active an
enthusiastic plenty in their appeals for
rain.
An old bull Injun comes In from the will
derness, rigs him a wickyup on the hill an
commences for to make rain medicine nv
the wholesale with sech implements as a
tom-tom, gourd rattle, a diseased imay-
ination an long howls Wun Ting Lung
formerly of Hong Kong burns loss sticks
an so forth. down in his washee-washee
an twists the tail of his prayer machine
without ceasin
'The lodges, the alliance an the Sabbath
school holds picnics, every day, hopin to
fetch rain hathaway on the homypat hic
principle. An all the little boys in the com
munity whirls in an goes to KILN snakes
and tuinn' of 'em upside down, confident
that sech action would shortly fetch rain
al. bime-bye, the united efforts of all
these we're various persons an things pro-
duced results an it rained 1t not only
rained, but 1t more than rained; it rained
cats an dogs an pitchforks with the tines
bowman then some. 1t poured down in
!aWrents an cattyractS an floods an cloud
bursts. 1t durn near drowned everything
out an so continnered for days. 1t hailed
at intervals an pounded the veggytation
fiat. raised knots big as goose eggs on
prominent citizens heads, broke rabbits
backs an Drained a few babies, or a little
to
every twenty-four hours it thundere1 an
hghtened like fury. an struck in more than
forty places altogether. An along towards
the last, cyclone tore loose an bowed
time. whether it was hailin' or thunderin
or BLOWN or not, it went right on rainin'
like man pourin' in buckwheat
directly, everything was flooded The
wells We're filled till the water stuck clear
up out of the top. Thar 'peared to be no
doubt about tive had got rain, an the
board Of trade patted itself on the back a
heap congratulatory.
Then. the question nacherally arose. who
deserved the credit an the three hundred
dollars? Everybody who had had any-
thing to dc with tryin' to fetch rain hoped
right up an claimed the reward Yere
they come, the two gangs of professional
rain makers, the felix's who had prayed. the
old bull Injun, Wun Ting Lung, the ALL
ance, the lodges, the Sabbath school. an
every other Tom, Dick an Harry who had
been in any way mixed up in the competi-
ton, splattih' an paddlin' over through the
water, an every cussed bugger of 'em de-
mandin the premium right now an de-
nouncin' everybody else who claimed it.
The board Of trade holds powwow an
makes heap OF smoke, an then the High
Duke goes cut an makes Grafton to the
eager people Standin' thar in the mud an
water with the rain pourin' down their
backs. He tells 'eln that the board is
ready an willin' to pay the reward to who
ever has earned it, an they all sets I'D
great yell Of Me"
'Yere. now!' says the High Duke. If
all of you folks made this rain the prize
will be divided amongst you; If only one of
you is responsible the money belongs to
him. Thrash it out amongst yourselves an
send the lucky man around for his money
Upon that, them thar candidates for the
prize fell upon each other like wolves
Their friends to ok Sides an it was Hoo
raw, boys. hooraw! loud enough to wake
the dead. An it kept on rainin'
Next dash out of the box, yere comes a
passel of farmers sloppin' in an hoarsely
demandin' to know what about their crops
that is washed away an their hogs that is
drown ed, an their calves that has sucked
In thunder an Is now hopeless idiots, SINH
lar to dudes? 1t looks like to them that If
people got pay for maxim it rain the same
people ort to be label to pay for the dam
no hot rl@v,o