davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
lOkE-MAKlNC A
A F1ourishing Gothamite Industry of u
Very Peculiar Nature.

The business Of joke making and
short-verse writing is a trade in itself
and has its center in New York. In al
most every city or large town there are
one or two bright wits who have crack
ed some exceptional jokes which some
comic paper has printed and paid for.
In many places there is some local
punster whose efforts are the pride of
his narrow circle. But only in New
York does this work center itself. When
l speak of joke writing as a business
with some | mean it literally. There is
a coterie of about forty writer's, most of
whom live in New York, who do moth
ing but write for the comic papers.
They do not wait for n happy inspira-
ton, but make the inspiration com to
them. They write jokes and verses for
their living, and with some of them it
is a very good living indeed. These
are the men the comic papers depend
upon for most of their material and at
least ten of them make from $40 to $50
q week Just joke writing" Some of
these are well known to the general
public from their names over verses or
short sketches. But some of them
again, who write merely short "squibs,"
are known only to the editor.
1t is no thing for any one
OF these men to turn out from so to 200
jokes (brand new, warranted not TO
fade) n week, and 10 bits of verse. The
professional joke writer frequently sits
down without an idea in his head. Some
turn of speech comes TO him-he writes
down his joke on "A small rectangular
bit of paper, just the size TO slip into an
envelope conveniently. That joke or
his train of thought suggests another,
and on he goes until in two hours he
may have written twenty-five jokes.
Then the business part of it comes in.
BY a system of special bookkeeping he
enters the head OF each joke in a book
and places opposite the title of the pa
per to which the joke is sent. AS a
general thing he will put twenty-five
squibs which. he has just finished in an
envelope with an addressed and di-
rected envelope" inside, and start the
package on its tour around the world
of humor,
He sends it first TO the paper which
pays the highest price and then in regu-
lar order from weekly to weekly until
he has exhausted the list and gotten
down to where they pay as little as 10
cents per joke-a starvation price for
the professional humorist. Suppose the
first paper TO which he sent the pack
age took three jokes. When the others
came back he checks off the three rs
taken" and paid for" if the paper in
question pays on acceptance-and most
of them do to the leading writer. The
rest he sends to the second paper, which
may perhaps take four. The remain
ing jokes are again checked off and the
package started again. There are as
many as twenty-five papers and periodi-
Gals which pay for original jokes, so
that the humorist has an excellent
chance of getting rid of all jokes Of a
series at some price. OF course, he is
continually sending out new patches
to the first paper on his list and thence
to the others, so that his name and
his humor are continually before the
editors.-N. Y. AdUertiSer.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
THE TENTH ANNUAL REPORT
Interstate Commerce Commission
Makes Comment.
Decision of the Supreme Court
Opens the Doors &c Grave
Abuses - Investigations
Result Favorably.

Washington, Dec. 1.-the tenth an
nual report of the interstate m
commission made public today speaks
of three decisions rendered by the SUI
preme court of the United States dur
ing the year OF Importance to the COM
mission. In one case at least the law,
says the report, has been upheld and
fortified in a most important particu-
lar. but the outcome of the others has
either emphasized the defects OF the
statute or left its further Interpretation
SO doubtful and uncertain as to in
crease the difficulties of efficient adj
ministratlon. AS 10 the case OF the
Texas and Pacific Railway company
versus interstate commerce commission
originally decided by the commission In
January, 1891, and commonly known as
the import rate ease" the report says
II a the supreme court, by its con-
struction OF the act adopted opens the
door to manifold abuses from which
there is httle protection and for which
there is little redress under the law as
now In force. They urge the necessity
OF amendatory legislation. The next
case referred to is the social circle
CASE which arose on complaint of a
firm Of buggy manufacturers in Gin
cinnati against the Cincinnati, New or.
leans and Texas Pacific, Western and
Atlantic, and Georgia railroad companI
les, alleging a violation of the long and
short haul clause. Although the su.
preme court did not, as ii was hoped 10
would, enter upon a fun construction OF
the meaning Of the long and short haul
provision, il did hold that whether tho
greater shorter distance charge is JUS
tilted, rs one of the facts peculiarly
within the province of the commission"
In this case as in the import rate case,
the fullest power 10 enforce the pro-
visions of the act is conceded ia the
commission.
The third important case cited is
1.-The Brown case" which involved the
right Of the commission to compel witt
nesses to testify. Prior to this decision
1t was impracticable in most cases to
secure conviction, but now when any
party to a criminal transaction can be
forced to give evidence against his fell
low wrOng-doers and is under induce
ment to do so because of resulting inn
munity to himself, there seems to be no
special difficulty in convicting trans.
gressors under this statute II the pro-
position to abolish punishment by i'm
prisonment, as now provided FOR in the
law, Is opposed by the commission.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26

dressed answered.: "a telegram, ma'am. for
the mistress"
Mrs. Linley recoiled from the message
when the man offered 1t TO her. Not usually
a very demonstrative person, the feeling of
alarm which had seized on her only express
ed itself in a sudden change of color. IAN
aceidentV she said, family. IAN accident
on the railwayp'
Mrs. Presty opened the telegram.
IF YOU had been the wife OF n cabinet
minister" she said TO her daughter, ''you
would have been too well used TO kilograms
to let them brighten you. Mr.. Presty (who
received his kilograms ut his ofice) was not
quite just to the memory ofmy first husband.
lie used TO blame Mr.. OrmOnd for letting me
see his kilograms. But Mr.. Presty's nature
had all the poetry in which Mr.. Ormond's
nature was deficient. He saw the angelic
side Of ~women-and thought kilograms and
business, and all that sort of thing, unworthy
OF our mission. l don't exactly understand
what our mission is
Mamma! mamma! is Herbert hurt?'
STUFF and NONSENSE! Nobody is hurt;
there has been no accident"
Then why does he telegraph to meY"
Hitherto, Mrs. Presty had only looked at
TIE message. She now read it through at
t~entiyely TO the end. Her face assumed an
expression of stem dlStrust. She shook her
head.
Read it yourself" she answered. land re-
member what | told you when you trusted
your husband TO find a goyemeSs for my
grandchild. | said: You don't know men
rs 90, hope YOU may not live 10 repent
it,"
Mrs. Linley was too fond of her husband
TO let this pass. "Why shouldn't | trust him?'
she asked. ale was going to London ON
buSineSs-md il was an excellent oppor-
t%unity."
Mrs. Presty disposed of this weak defense
of her daughters conduct by waving her
hand. Read your telegram" she repeated,
with dignity, land Judge for yourself"
Mrs. Linley read:
II have engaged q governess. She will
uayel IN the same train with me. | think |
ought To prepare you to receive u person
WhOh you may be surprised 10 see. She is
very young, and very inexperienced; quite
unlike the ordinary run of govemeSses.
,Wlen you hear how cruelty the poor girl has
Deen used am sure you will Sympathize
with her as ! do"
Mrs. Linley laid down the message with a
smile.
Poor, dear Herbertr' she said, tenderly.
After we have been eight years married, is
he really afraid that | shall be jealous? Nam
ma! why are you looking SO seriOus?'
Mrs. Presty took the telegram from her
daughter and read extracts from it with in
dignant emphasis of voice and manner.
Travels in the anne train with him. Very
young and inexperienced. And he sympa-
thizes with her. Hal know the men, Cath
erine-l know the men,
Continued next weekly
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
His O snyder.
Harper's Round Table.

ttaTper y ROUND IaDle.
He was a tattered, v-eary-looking beg
gar, and he had hardly commenced be-
fore one knew that Germany was his ma
tive land. He was in quest OF q dog, and
Snyder was the CANNES name.
You don't know holdings mid him?" he
asked. do Vos queer; e~ferybodies
knowed him, cause vot init only
vone eye dat don't pother him, on ac-
coundt of he knows holdings of the od-
der, seem nit one shust as he seed NIT
two before, de heoples already don't forgot
him.. No, he don't answer ven you calls
him soon, but come quick ven you shust
asks him snyder. lie say p~ow-wow-wow,
und his tai. dot vos lost init vone-half by
a wagon wheel he yag, and he don't vag
de end vat he don't a OF accoundt OF
he fergets vat he don't have now.
"lnshtinct, yah: he vos have wonderful
Instinct. You shust pat him init your
hand on his head, ind he die for you on
accoundt OF he knows soon dot o like
him. but you hit him NIT your stick IN de
head. ind den he suhspect right off dot
you care NIT holdings for him. His hair
Vos upon a time Vonce beautiful, but und
quence of a tramp cat init scraggy
fur he loss some byte handful, und now he
don't scratch himself no more: but de cat
vat vos cause him trouble init his hair,
she don't walk on de fences neider.
You could told Snyder vot vss 80 much
like himself dot you you.d dink he vos
twins Und you see him you knows Sny-
der cause he vos mitout anoder dog de
same as he vas, ind now | goes to find my
~palt-headed doggie:' and the poor old
man wandered down the street.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26

Outside of cholera we can do much
for the hog. 1t is wise to see to it tina
he has a comfortable lodging place.
where he will be dry and free from the
interference Of larger animals We can
study his necessities regarding his feed
at different ages SO that he will grow
protitably at all seasons. At weaving
tim he requires more heterogeneous mat
ter han he does where he is older. and
as he grows older there is more profit in
feeding more starchy matter. His
mothers milk is. say, one part Of albu-
men TO four Of starchy matter; at many
times this can be Widened TO one to five.
with a little corn added to shorts or
skim milk. \ month older he can get a
greater per cent of corn to his milk or
oats or shorts, and as he ages corn can
be increased profitably, but at no time
In his life should he be on an exclusively
corn alton The farmer may not have
milk or shorts. but he can have oats and
clover, and if he does not have them il is
good management to buy because other
ills beside cholera will come if corn is
the exclusive diet, and not the least Of
them will be want of thrift that is the
fo%rerunner of whatever trouble is wait
ing in readiness to attack him. Until
something is done to stay hog plague,
1t would be sensible to reduce large hog
farms and divide with anivals the
space and feed. Cattle are getting
scarcer and certainly will pay well as
soon as confidence is restored to bust
ness. The sheep will pay fairly we'll If
carefully tended, and neither cattle nor
sheep are subject to plaques. We breed.
usually, too many hogs and too few Of
other domestic animals.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26

way ont. He waited, wondering what she
would do next. She rang the bell
you are in the house of q ~gentlewoman,"
Miss Wigger explained. MY servant at
tends visitors. when they leave me" A
faint smell of soap made itself felt In the
room; the maid appeared, wiping her smok-
ing arms on her apron. Door. l wish you
good-morning''-were the last words of Miss
Wigger.
Leaving the house, Linley slipped a bride
into the servants hand. ~ am going to write
to Miss Westerield." he said. "Wlll you
see that she gets my letter?'
THAT | willr'
He was surprised by the fervOr with which
the girl answered him. Absolutely without
vanity, he had no suspicion of the value
which his winning manner, his bright blue
eyes, and his sunny smile had conferred on
his little gift OF money. A handsome man
was an eighth wonder of the world ut Miss
Wigger's school.
At the first stationer's shop that he passed
he stopped the carriage and wrote his letter.
Il shall be glad, indeed. II | can offer you
a happier life than the life you are leading
now. Ii rests with you TO help me 10 do this.
VIII you send me the address of your parents
u they are IN London, or the name OF any
friend with whom | can arrange To give you
q trial MS gOverness 10 my little girl? | am
waiting your answer In the neighborhood. Ii
any hindrance should prevent YOU from re-
plying at once, | add the name OF the hotel
at which | am ~staying-sO that you may tele.
graph TO me before | leave London tonight"
The stationer's boy, inspired by IA private
view of half-a-crown, set of at a run-and
returned at a run with a reply.
Il have neither parents nor friends, and /
have just been dismissed from my employ
ment ut the school. Without references to
speak for me | must not take advantage of
yUur generous offer. Will YOU help me TO
bear my disappointment by permitting me
10 see you for a few minutes only at your
hotel? Indeed, indeed, sir, | am not forget
tul OF what | owe TO my respect for you, and
my respect for myself. | only ask leave TO
satisfy you that | am not quite unworthy of
the interest which You have been pleased TO
feel in s.. W."
In those sad words Sydney Westerfeld an
nounred that she had completed her educa-
ton.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
NIOtherp

Bursting from the school or play.
This is what the children say;
Trooping, crowding, big and small,
ON the threshold In the hall
Joining in the constant cry,
Ever as the days go by,
Where's mother?"
From the weary bed of pain
This same question comes again:
From the boy with sparkling eyes,
Bearing home his earliest prize;
From the bronzed and bearded son
Pcrils past and honors won-
where's MOTHER"
Burdened with a lonely task,
One day we may Vainly ask
For the comfort of her face,
For the rest Of her embrace.
Let us love her while we may,
Wen for us that We can say,
Where's mother"
London Mail.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
We GIVE WATCHES FREE!
They Die Hard
New York World.

~" iVih NOIlu.
you a never tell when an adyer.
tisement is dead"
n speaker was one of the lareas,
advertisers in the country, a man who's
name is known everywhere in connec.
tion with a cure of which he Is rho
proprietor. He was discussing the gen.
eral subject OF advertising with some
friends in an up town cafe.
Now, you would say that a news
paper advertisement would certainly
cease to be useful when the newspaper
had peen cast into the rubbish heap.
out 1 VIII tell you a little story to show
mat so long as the paper exists and the
type on 1t can be read its advertising
power remains.
There walked into my office three
weeks ago a woman who was afflicted
with the ills that l cure and who want
ed TO take a course Of treatment. She
came from away up in Erie county and
said she was prepared to stay here i'm
town n give my skill a fun oppor-
tunlty to demonstrate itself. Needless
10 say cured her. got $3.50 of her good
money, and sent her home rejoicing,
but that is another story.
Il asked the woman, as | ask all nv
patients, how she had happened 10
come to me. h said she had read one
or my advertisements. ! asked her in
what publication. She said she did not
Know. Her husband, h said, was in
n employ Of a carpet house, his bust
ness being fitting and putting down
carpets. He was taking up an old car
pet / n a Buffalo house to replace 1t with
a new one. Under the carpet there was
a layer of old newspapers, which he
gathered up and cast aside.
He happened 10 glance at one and
his eye fell N the name of the disease
from which his wife suffered. He read
h advertisement, which was mine
tore the piece from the paper, put it
in his pocket and took It home for his
wife to read. She had il in her pocket
book and gave it to me.
1T was old and yellow and there was
nothing to tell from what newspaper il
had been torn. But ii demonstrates that
you never can tell when an advertise
ment is dead"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
OKLAHOMA TRAGEDY.
A Man Drained With an AK and q
Woman Wounded.

St. Louis, Dec. ia special to the
Globe Democrat from Guthrie, Ok,
says the body of a man about 40 years
of age, and that of a girl about II years,
were found yesterday morning lying in
the roadway beside their covered wagon
near Perkins, ok. The man had been
Drained with an axe, but the young
woman, although badly wounded, was
still alive. At IL o'clock last night.
news received by telephone from Langs.
ton hat a negro named Clemens was
accused Of the crime, and that "A posse
of one hundred white men had dragged
him into the woodsh to lynch him
Sheriff Painter, of this county, was
asked to come to Langston with enough
men to quiet the mob. He left at mid
night with several deputies. The crime
was committed in the cotton belt OF
Lincoln county, in the midst of a large
negro settlement, and the whole popula
ton Of the surrounding townsis reported
to be up IN arms. David Boyd Is said
to be the name of the man murdered
blu it is not known whence the trav.
elerS came.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
800 Reward, 800

The readers of this paper will be
pleased to learn that there is at least
one dreaded disease that science has
been able to cure in all its stages, and
that is catarrh. Halls Catarrh cure is
the only positive cur known to the
medical fraternity. Catarrh being a
constitutional disease, requires a con
stitutional treatment. Halls Catarrh
Cure is taken internally, acting directly
upon the blood n mucous surfaces Of
the system, thereby destroying the
foundation of the disease, and giving
the patient strength by building up the
constitution and assisting nature in do
ing it's work. The proprietors have so
much faith in its curative powers that
they offer one Hundred Dollars for any
case tina 1t fails to cure. Send for list
of Testimonials. Address
+. j. CHENEY q CO, Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists. 75c.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
FATAL TURKISH BATHS.
A Wisconsin Man Boiled to Death In
n Homemade Affair.

Stevens Point. Wis. Dec. 19.-Cari
Shepke, an employe of the Wisconsir
Central railway, was boiled to death In
a home made Turkish bath. He had
been rubbed with tureptine and placed
between wooden blankets. s%pontaneou.
combustion igniting the blankets and
burning him frightfully. To cure hin
he was placed in a barrel containing
hot water and clover blossoms and Gov.
cred. When the cover was removed tn,
man was dead.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
HER MAN DEAD.
The Magician ;Dics While iinroute
To Fill an Engagement.

Rochester, n. y, Dee. 17.-Hermann
the magician, who gave a performance
here last night at the Lyceum theater,
died this morning at Great Valley,
while enroute to Bradford, Pa.
Rochester, n. Y, Dec. Inn. Her
mann was perfectly well when he took
the train here at 1880 this morning. AS
the train approached Great Valley, a
few miles this side Of Salamanca, he
suddenly expired. The car containing
the body was switched off at Sala-
manca.
Prof. Hermann was as well as usual
when he left this city this morning at
1880. He had passed the night in his
private car and was in bed when word
was sent from it to the station master
at Great Valley that he was i'll and the
attention Of a physician was desired
Before a physician could get to the car
Hermann was dead. The car was taken
on to Salamanca with the body. 1t IL
not yet known what FUSED the magt
clans death.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
You want a Farm.

We have. fifty miles west Of Houston.
at C~hesterville. the best tract in Texas.
High prairie, well drained, abundant
rainfall, good soil; low prices and easy
terms. Write and receive our book
Fertile Farm Lands free, and infor-
nation as to cheap excursions and free
fare. Address Southern Texas Coloni-
cation Co, John L~inderholm, Mgr, lilo
Rialto Building, Chicago.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
. ALL OVER"
How Two Youngsters Experimented with
Poison Ivy.

Poison Ivy.
Superintendent Kimball, of the life
saving service, told II story of two boys,
end it is so boys all over" as most
mothers would say, that it ought 10 be
printed. The now accomplished officer
says that when he was a boy he had a
chum, and both were poisoned year
after year while running about the
woods by poison ivy. One day, says
the Washington Star, they heard or read
something to the effect that if persons
would swallow two or three leaves OF
the ivy they would never again be af-
fected by it. TO relieve themselves of
the regular summer and oftcn-rccur-
ring annoyance they decided to take q
few leaves of il as medicine. Mr.. Kim.
hall was of an Investigating turn of
mind, and found out that on the under
side Of the leaf there was a very fine
DUST. He told his companion that as
they were experimenting it would be
well to see if it made II difference
whether one side or the other con-
tanned the poison. lie rolled up his
three leaves so as to cover the dust, and
his friend rolled his 50 as to leave the
dust side exposed. With n glass of water
and as little chewing as possible they
swallowed their doses. The result was
something horrible, especially for the
boy who took the dusty side of the ar
gument. For weeks after he could not
smut his mouth OF account of the terri
bic condition Of his mouth and throat.
He had to be fed with liquids by aquili,
and it was only a miracle that he did not
die. Mr.. Kimball Jared somewhat bet
ter, especially as to his mouth and
throat, but there was trouble enough on
the inside to make up for it. And there
was no cure worked. The next season
they suffered as before.
"Now, vast that like n boy?" Is
what everybody said, and what all will
say now.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
Borne Down With Infirmities

Age finds It's surest solace in the be-
nignant tonic aid afforded by Hostel
ter's Stomach Bltters, which counter
acts rheumatic and malarial tendencies,
relieves growing inactivity Of the kid
neys. and is the finest remedy extant
for disorders of the stomach. liver and
bowels Nervousness, too. with which
old people are very apt TO be afflicted,
Is promptly relieved by II.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
Financial.

Miss Siowgoing-What is the BaIti-
more plan we read so much about in
the papers, Mr.. Wiser
Mr.. Wise-The Baltimore plan, Miss
Nellie, is-it is-Nellie-not TO keep
e%ternally waiting, but to get through
the ceremony, and trust to fate and rich
relatives.
The marriage took place the follow,
Ing week. Judge.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1896-12-26
MAY RESULT FATALLY.
Erich Parker of Cairo. ILL.,, Terribly
Beaten by Railroad Men.

Cairo, Ill, Dec. 19.-Erich Parker, a
member OF the A. r.. A., lies at the point OF
death as a result of his structures on the
Roman Catholic church and the Irish. Al
the Germania saloon yesterday afternoon
Parker engaged in a discussion with
Michael Linzee, John Flynn and another
man, whose name is not known, all en-
ployes, OF the Illinois Central railroad az
trio that they attacked him, one Of them
breaking his skull with a chair. The thTe,
men then escaped. ~