The herald., 1896-06-01

"Uncle's nephew, young Lighthouse
Harry, has a-been here all week, an
me an Jack Muir is a-feelin' kinder
tored. havin' been up nights a-shoWin de
boy de eagle an odder Things as is funny
round here" remarked the Deputy Zan-
jero, while he and Hervey Lindley We're
discoursing the Democratic primaries
to be held tomorrow night. You see, it $
like dis. Helv. here has a-guaranteed
dat me an de Trinity which aire de
whatll yuse-haverS, Chris Buckley, an
de Espey, is to operate de machine
which IL meet in Turner hall two weeks
from dis day after. We're a-looiiin' for
a softshell crab to put in de pitcher 5
box. for Jim McLachlan to shake a stick
at. De dummy hain't yet a-been picked
out sure as shoutin' but we has spy
glass on different friends OF de cause
OF good government an reform. as'll be-
if Providence is wild us. for decency an
de slave harbor. We're squared toed
l6 to l agin George Patton. de auburn
haired fairy from de backwoods near
Terminal island, an were forninst dis
chap See See Wright, de Teller as writ
dat waterin' romance which Judge Ross
has endorsed Not paid for want of
funds We're agin Judge Dillon, de mid
die of de roadster who smoked de pud-
din outen his gopher hole when de
Pasadena Paregoric run for district at
torney. Dillon maybe would swipe
HerVey's friend again. an den some of
us good people would be filigereed off de
pay roll. Dat would be a blow which
would raise de price of water dis sum
mer to 500 a head. Say, honest, dis
feller Dillon's de weakest horse in de
stable. an if he is in de fight agin
our Jim for sure, me an Herv Lindley
here, an Tom McCafferey, an General
Barrett. an de Trinity II put on our war
paint. We aire Democrats when it
comes to pure politics, an we're agin
any fusion as won't help de Cahuenga
valley. where dere'S more real jefferson
simplicity in a mint den dere is in all
de rest of de country pasted together.
Well get together some of our graders,
give 'em all keg of beer an half a day
off an hold de only swell Jacksonian
congressional convention of de season.
Well hoist up Tom Darmody
or some other church member
for congress, an we'll run out
our man. so sure as Jim McLachlan IL
be laid low wild cholera morbus before
de dog days has been shifted away wild
de winter rains. We aire de people, an
it's wise man as knows his own boss
in a campaign hAe de one astealin
down on top of us right now, student
like.
Say, de eagle an Governor Markham
adoin' politics together, and what does
yuse think of it? Hully gee, but hain't
dat rich? When Hervey got dat tele-
gram from Canton, he sneezed so hard
dat Jim Kays' safe. where Hervey
banks his time checks, blowed open.
eXposin' to George Arnold an DOC
Campbell, who dropped in to look over
de Santa Monica trolly time card, a
trick or two, as Hervey was alayln
low to play wild John NJ. Spreckels in
i 1ot =
Louee dis month. Herv
he cabled right away to de city hail
for Walter Parker. Park he coined,
bringin' meat AK athinkin' dat Kay
safe needed to be busted open to fish out
some rubber neckin red fire to use for
de second dose of primaries in de Third
ward, to come off on Tuesday night.
When Herv told his troubles to de may
or's best man, Parker in spite of old
Hudleson an Governor Sheldon, turn
ed green in de face. Dis aire horrible.
terrible" said Parker, kinder like Frank
Munson when he's atalkin' through de
isinglass in his new straw hat wild Fred
Wood asittin' in de mex pew in de board
of public jerks. Have Billy Arthur
come in on de first overland from de
Hotel Green" advises Park. Arthur
anne in a special engine borrowed from
John Muir. 1T aire only too true" says
he, alookin straight over Lindley' front
collar button, like he done up in Sacra-
mento When de 'sociaton's program
was aslppn' over de fence an out. DE
colonel an de governor are adoin' a
song and dance together Dere back in
de cyclone country now apayin' de duty
called for in de Mckinley bill, by de-
liverin' all of us foreign imported goods.
tied hand an feet round de neck wild
de Mckinley collar. We're only chips
when it comes to some things after all
Hervey, old man." says Arthur" IAN
YOU Parker, don't know de diff twixt in
structions for protection an de Pope of
Rome" an wild dat Hervey wires to
Spreckels dat de enemy has aswitched
round to de rear, an all hands goes out
an fills up on Irish stew to take de bad
taste out of dere teeth
Dis feller Frank McLachlin from de
minin' claim country, as me an Lindley
made de head pilot in de ship of state
from now to maybe mex November, is
liable to give us all down here de throw
down. He aire kinder colorblind when it
comes to seem things straight for de
company, which aire. de push as checks
up John Muir. An worser nor dat, he
aire for George c. Perkins, de Oakland
Mole steamboat man, to sit again along
side our man Frye back to Washington.
We elevated Mclaughlin to take fall
outen His Highness Prince John de
Spreckels, who had to be sit down on to
keep his face from fallin outen his head.
You see some of us was a leetle new on
some things, an we didn't know just de
lay of de country altogether We wasn't
onto de new chairman S past affiliations,
as Uncle's young nephew would say it.
Now Gle mischief's been done an Herv.
has again been fined a months pay
If desc idiotic breaks keep acreepin' up
I'll be aWearin' gunny sacks dis sunni
mer an eatin' peach pits before July.
DE Irish has aturned loose shillelah
In de Fourth ward. an dere's fifteen
kinds of red pepper bein' blowed round
Grandpap Kingery's A. p A. council
right now Charley Dandy who wild
Parson Pitman aire de two watch dogs
of de teachers salaries an de school
board, is to be tried for bloody murder
when de council meets on Monday night
Dandy says he never writ dat procla- :
nation arippin up Hervey an
de push, an Johnny Vaughn
him to do it, an some one of 'em
says he kin prove it. Dandy dares
aire a-lyin', kinder like, don't yuse
think? on top of dat. feller by de
name of Cash" REGISTER, or somethin'
like dat, who dey says John Drain put
up spiel agin, to have locomotive
run afoul of him so he couldn't run
agin Drain for street superintendent, is
to be indicted in de council tomorrow
by one of John Burr's star-eyed fly cops,
cause REGISTER posted Johnny Cline
about who shot de black ball when Cline
had in his application to join de 'soca-
tion. Dey beat Cline cause he don't
carry round enough greenbacks in his
clothes, dat bein' de Only thing of dat