St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1896-01-13
COLLECTION OF SOME CONSIDERED
By THE DOCTOR TO BE AMONG
HIS BEST.
OLD FAv0RIT1e ONCE MORE.
VORCE JOKE AND ONE OF HIS
ANECDOTES ON THE SOUTH.
SOME EXPERIENCES IN EUROPE
What Followed His Expressions as
to How Home Rule Is Regard
ed in This Country.

Hon. Chauncey Mitchell Depew has
added a great deal to the mirth of this
world He has turned many a bad
dinner into a feast of wit and lifted
, many man from the slough of indi-
gestion to the pinnacle of hilarity. Oc-
casionally, however. Mr.. Depew is
abused. Recently he has been accused
{ OF 'peddling chestnuts" His stories,
a few carping critics say, have seen
better days" But Mr.. Depew is re-
signed to fate. Age cannot wither nor
custom stale his infinite variety of jokes,
and in order that the great public may
pass upon Mr.. Depew's merits the New
York Herald places before its readers
some of the stories which he considers
among his best
On the occasion of his last trip to
Europe, Mr.. Depew was thrown in con-
tact number of times with Irishmen
or the home rule persuasion One
shining quality about Mr.. Depew is that
he can accommodate himself to any and
all circumstances. 1t is said that he
claims a different nationality for each
group OF citizens with whom he associ-
ates. Here is a story the railroad
prince tells to the popular home rule
1riShmen:
THE ENGLISHMAN SAW 1T.
AT private dinner in England 1 told
the very best story 1 could think of. 1t
was greeted with little laughter Next
day l met my host on the Strand. He
advanced TO me smiling began to
laugh as he grasped my hand, and said
Do You know, Depew, that was cap
ital thing you got off last night-cap-
ltal? And do You know l have Just
this minute been thinking what a cap
1tal thing it was? The point of the
joke has just come to me-
L said, Why, it must have Travelled
to you on freight train
MY dear Mr.. Depew, L assure you
haven't seen any freight train | as
sure you l haven't, pom honor"
An Englishman who had been in
America long time Was>among a group
or gentlemen to whom Mr. Depew re-
lated the story. He gave a pianissImo
laugh at its conclusion, and then when
Mr.. Depew turned into his private Of
nee the Englishman walked over to Hor-
ace Duval, Mr. Depew's private secre-
tary, and, with a puzzled air, asked.
On, l say, what the devil did Depew
mean by that freight train?"
He TOLD THIS TO THE PRINCE.
Mr.. Depew has stories galore about
the Prince of Wales. Here is one he
told his royal higness:
! - NeeS VI wv dlltI sailed Tor l.
rope man went into my office and said
want to see Chauncey Depew.
He has gone to Europe nv colored
porter told him.
Wen, want to see Mr. Duval.'
He has also gone to Europe
Then L want to see Cornelius Van
derbilt.'
:" He is in Newport
On, l guess L want to see w. K.
/ Vanderbilt
" He is also in Newport
GU don't tell me. Well, may / see
Vice President Clarke?'
" He is in Albany
Eow about Vice President HAYDEN p
He is out of town
is Vice President Webb in tba Of
fice?' - 'iie Oh
No, he is in Europe
is superintendent Toucey in?'
NO, ne is up the road somewhere
How about General Passenger
Agent Daniels?'
He has gone to Cape May
road, anyway?'
guess 1t do be running itseIfr"
CAMPAIGN STORY.
here IS one Mr.. Depew told to every
foreign statesman he met while abroad e.
me most curious person in the audi
ence of a story teller is the literal mind
ed man. When Gen. Dix ran for gov
erhor there was great discussion re-
garding his age. 1t was one Of tba cor
troVersieS Of the canvass. His onnon-
ents claimed that he was too old 70
IuIlii the functions of the office Sing
uiarly enough, the biographical diction-
aries differed about ten years
L was making speech at Watertown
10 very big audience l was running
at that time for lieutenant governor a 3
liberal Republican upon the sane
ticket with Francis Herman. It was
an immense outdoor audience Tn front
OF me stood man who watched mo dur
ing the three hours of that speech for
the purpose of catching me on some ma
terial point ma
nnaliy took up the question of Gen
LICK age, gave the dates of the vari-
ous plographlcal dictionaries and en-
cyclopedlaS, and based a theory on how
oid he must have been in the war of
lelz, where he was lieutenant, and
nnally said that the only really an
thentlc date had been revealed bv some
recent searches in the colonial records
OF massachusetts,. 1t had been discov-
cred that when the pilgrim fathers
landed on Plymouth Rock they found
Gen. Dix standing on that historic SPOT
and shouting that unless thew made
him justice of the peace he would go
over and join the Indians-the point of
which was that the general had changed
politics many times, and every time he
got an office.
My critical friend saw his opportun-
tty and grasped 1t at once. He sprang
up with a shout that could be heard to
the Canadian border.
Mr.. Depew, that's a lier he
shouted.
II looked at him a moment to see
whether he had swallowed the bait and
found that he had taken it in, hook and
line, bob and sinker, pole and ALL Then
I stepped to the front of the platform
and said, with great emphasis and in
dignation:
Sir, I have told that historic anec-
dote from Montauk Point to Niagara
Falls to hundreds and thousands of the