The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-09-19
ASNation's Pleasantly That Con-
tanned No Malice in What
Was Said.
This Quality Belongs Equally to
the Educated and the
Ignorant.
Stories Of O'Connell, curran, Sher.
idap and Others When the
Land Was Happy.
E I variety is the spice Of life,
Or again,

r.. II s'Variety is the spice Of life,
or again. -
"A little nonsense now and then
Is relished by the wisest nlen."
Some Of the anecdotes related below
may be considered stale, even SO, they
may be worth repeating. At any rate the
relator is willing to take the risk, writes
William Ellison in the Buffalo Catholic
Union and Times:
On his return from professional visit,
the famous DR.. Abernethy found the eE-
trance to his house blocked by pile OF
stones, laid there by a son OF the Green
Isle, who was fixing the street.
The irascible doctor ordered the I'M
mediate removal of the stones. "And
where would your honor have me put
them?" asked the Hiberrian. you may
pu them in Ill" answered Ahernethy.
eff I put them In heaven, sor, / think
they'll be more out of your way" was
Pats reply.
The scene of the next witty incident
was Fleet street, London, on st. Pat
rjcks day. The Irishman's spirfta ran
high. He felt good and vigorously
called "hurrah for Ireland A discord-
ant voice of a brutal Cockney shouted,
"Ilurrah for ell" That's right re-
Joined Erin's son, "every man for his own
country" Transferring the scene to Ire
land itself we find recorded Instances OF
sparkling wit even in the unlettered
peasants. This, for example. party OF
aristocrats, following the hounds aud
coming to norass, asked Patrick II 1t
were solid at the bottom. Yes, your hon.
ors," was the reply, and in they plunged,
sinking nearly out Of sight.
They roundly sco!ded the peasant and
inquired why he dared to deceive them.
He meekly told them that there was no
''decaiving' about it, for they did not
sink half way to the bottom" . ~. o.
The Dublin cabby and C'Connell is
another to be recalled. The Iiberator WAS
paying him with the usual fee--half a
crown--as quick as thought he had his
coat over his horses heads. O'Connell
was astcnished, and asked the reason.
ttWegl, by the powers above" said the
driver tif the poor haste saw the great
Dan O'Connell paying me With half a
crown, he'd smash the car into smither-
eens.'' The coveted half sovereign then
came forth.
The genuine sons of The Celtic race
sometimes make laughable blunders.
Here is one of them. The Celt was tray-
cling with his master on the Continent,
and had engaged to call the master at
a fixed hour in the morning to see an
italian sunrise. Pat awol1e at a.. M,
and pren1aturely made the call which
should have been deferred till G a. m. The
poor, disappointed master inquired AS to
the cause Of the premature disturbance.
Faith, sor." says the other, II just
wanted to tell you that you had two hours
longer to Sleep During the heated re-
peal debates in parliament, O'Connell was
reviled by an enraged English member,
who asked him had he no fear Of the day
of j,1dgment?. The Irish tribune remarked
that it was the "day of no judgment" he
feared most, having no confidence In the
political sagacity of the ministry.
Among a hostile band in the house was
very bitter opponent of Ireland, ferce
in attack, but defective in speech. Dur
inc passionate assault he stumbled over
che word conceive and repeated 1t over
and over. O'Connor instantly suggested
that as the honorable member had Com
ceiyed three times and brought forth
nothing" he should sit down. The re-
proof had its due effect, for it was said
that the same splenetic gentleman was
ouiescent during the remainder OF the
session.
A certain bright Irishman, member
of the English parliament, made bet
that he could call any cabman in London,
at random, and be driven free to any part
of the city. The two interested parties en-
tered a hack and on arriving at a ttc-
titious address, a pretense was made to
nay the driver, but the wit alleged that In
producing his purse he had dropped
sovereign in the bottom Of the cab, and
quickly ran up stairs for light to search
for the golden coin. The cabman fell
into the trap, for, on the disappearance Of
his passengers, he whipped his horse into
gallop and made Oft with his supposed
booty. Who has not heard Of the caustic
fnmor of the celebrated John Phalpot
Curran. The eminent lawyer was plead
ing serious case before Lord Glare. A
favorite mastiff Of the judges suddenly
appeared on the bench beside his master.
Curran stopped his argument, upon
which, tn Judge inquired the cause, and
received In reply, Il thought your lord
ship was holding consultation: thnkS
the same eminent jurist is credited with
the following:
Two co1nbatants met on the field ct
honor. One was very bulky; the sother
was extremely thin. Something like an
"attenuated herring" The seconds OF
the big duellist complained of the dis
rarity in size urging that his principal
could be so much more easily hit than his
spare opponent. To obyiate the difficulty.
the witty lawyer, above named, suggested !;
that the exact dimensions Of the smaller
man be outlined on the body Of the larger
.eombatant, st:pu1ating that "any bullet
striking outside the demarcation lines
should not count 81 55sssI.
+ sCurran, on another occasion, was CON-
Quoting a case before a noted Judge whose.
llabitssof temperance were in doubt. "a
{ III me sobrietyfof one Of Curran's chief
sswiitnllesses was challenged, In arguing
point, he assured the court that. the = Wit
ness was ga sober as 5udge: alaee,sf
satandfng on the quay In Dubll turTAl
4. triesseh a tIagics scene s. which A
rurlate man was fron1
ttery rave b