Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-06-20
THE BOWSER TROUBLES

Written for The Evening Star by NJ. Quad.
Mrs. Bowser." began Mr.. Bowser the
other evening, as he laid aside his paper
will you take this pencil and do a little
writing for me?"
"Of course. DEAR" she replied. what
do you want me to writer"
Il wish you to write down about a dozen
words as 1 give them to you. The first
word is 1llegauty.'"
yes"
Then ACCESSIBILITY and 'consanguin-
ity'"
What use are you going to make of
them?'
I'm Just trying a little experiment. Now
you may put down 'desideratum' and null
titudinous.'
What is the experiment." asked Mrs.
Bowser
"why. 1 was just reading in the paper
that not one woman out of fifty, mat
ter how we'll educated. was thoroughly
out Of go communioat ions sent in by fe-
males an average OF one word out OF every
ten was misspelled.''
But men spell every word correctly,
I suppose?" sarcastically aueried Mrs
Bowser.
They do. 1t seems to come perfectly
natural to them 1t isn't woman's fault
perhaps. 1t may be that nature meant 1t
that way. Now you can put down the
word 'destructbility'
I'm not putting down any more wordsr'
she said as she laid down the pencil.
''Oh! Got mad, Ell? That's the way with
a woman! If some one said she couldn't
play on jewsharp as we'll as a man she'd
get her nose up about IL"
Il can spell well as YOU can. Mr.
Bowser. ard even better! Whoever wrote
about that attle experiment told a false
hoodr'
There you go! That's egotism and null
iShnASS
nature never intended a woman to spell
half her words right? If she didn't then
what's the use of getting mad about 1t?
VI the four words you wrote down YOU
| spelled half Of one Of them correctly, and
| you ought to be proud of it."
Il spelled every one Of them correctly
she insisted.
Mrs. Bowser, dor't set your Jaw that
way when you are add. essing me, | am
speaFing % you mere In sorrow than in
anger. If you can't spell. why. then"
w hen did You become such great
| speller?"
'Orthography came natural to me. Mrs
| Bowser-perfectly natural. i was spelling
| words rod long before / was seven years
! old"
oh! Indeed! It's funny how many
| were engaged, for instance"
| Mistakes in spelling7 Be careful, Mrs
Bowse"! Dent let your Anger lead you to
prevaricate; i think / wrote you two or
| three little notes while We were engaged
and III bet million dollars to a cent that
every word was correctly srelled."
| You wrote about 100 love letters
and I've got every one upstairs, and you
| made scores of mistakes"
| Woman" said Mr.. Bovser as he rose
up and glowered at her, Il pity you, When
| a person is driven to prevarcation and
perjury in order to carry A point il is a
| sad and solemn thing. If ! he'd"
She ran upstairs. and in the course OF
three or four minutes returned with
| great package Of letters in her hand and
| said:
Here are about fifty Of the bushel OF
letters you wrote me. We will now see
| about the spelling. You acknowledge your
Handwriting. don't you?''
Il acknowledge nothing, Mrs Bowser-
absolutely nothing. They may be letters
OF mine or they may be base forgeries"
They ar your letters. of course. Here
liz one in which you speak of an azure sun
set and an affinity OF souls. You spell It
ASSURE and 'afinety'"
Never Never on the face of this
| earthr'
But see-there are the words Here IS
| another in which you lay your heart at my
feet. and you have srelled il 'H-a-r-f'"
II deny it, shouted Mr. Bowser as his
| face got led and his hair began to curl.
In the first place. / wasn't donkey enough
| to write any such balderdash. and in the
next any fool knows enough to spell heart
Lay my heart at your feet-humphi"
| Wei. the words are here. just as you
! wrote EN-. and L have marked each one.
IN TINS third letter you say that life would
be one never-ending midnight without me,
| and you have spelled 1t Mite"
| What! What! / wrote such stun as
that? Mrs. Bowser, beware how YOU pre-
sumo on my good neture and your position
| as my wife, / pronounce each and every
| letter in hat package base forgery. A
| never ending midnight without you-boshr'
| And this fourth letter" she continued
without needing him, rs a sixteen-page
| letter You wrote me rainy Sunday
| You speak Of the sohbing rain-drops and
you spell sobbing with one h. You speak
| of my charming face and spell it with
| two ms You refer TO the future and
| spell the word f-u-c-h-e-r' You speak"
Mrs. Bowser. do you know who am?'
he demanded as Re pointed his fiager at
| her.
| Certainly. You were wretched, you said,
and you"
You talk that way to me. do you! Be-
cause you can't spell one word in thou
| sand correctly you-you-r'
Il show that you are Just as bad Mr.
| Bowser! You see"
| Yes, I seei I understand, I know ex-
| actly where the forgery. the prevarication
| and the perjury come I'M I was prepared
| to pass a pleasant evening at my own fire.
| side. In order to heighten the pleasantly
1 L oner to help you improve your orthog-
raphy, but you-you-"
| Il show you where yours can be i'm
| proved" she finished.
| Very we'll. madam-very well, I have
business in the library which NAV keen
| me up all night. You can retire whenever
you wish The train which you will take
| to go to your mothers leaves at $40 a m.
| and / will endeavor TO you for a mo-
| ment before you go. If / don't see you
| then the papers will be sent on for YOU to
sign-for you to sign Mrs. Bowser. / wish
you goodnight and good-bye"'
|
| Got Turned Arouud