Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1896-12-03
TIE LADY BURGLAR.
E1eertainAng1y Explains How She Hi
pened to RurraA

/ ENtertafnAng1y Explains How She Hap.
pened to Burgis.
"Yes," said the lady burglar, as she
ran dainty gold-tipped jimmy
| through her back hair and toye.d idly
with dark lantern, sit is somewhat
| of an innovation, confess, and rather
| pride myself that I am the first real
| lady who has ever made serious study
of the science of burglary. Other ladies
have tried it, but it was mere fleeing
| fad, like roller skating and hoop skirts.
''They never took up the calling in
| earnest, and / believe I am correct in
my assertion that am positively the
| only lady who has adopted the profess
sion as a means of livelihood. How did
I happen to enter it? No, don't say
what was the first misstep. That is
| mere sentimental gush. There was no
misstep. I took up burglary deliberate
~ and, if 1 may say it, with malice
aforethought.
"All the legitimate professions were
overcrowded, and l was far too proud
to ever think of becoming house maid
or waitress in one of those quick and
dirty lunch places And there was no
money in typewriting. Once" and the
lady burglar laughed merry, reminis-
cent laugh, II remember entering a
gentleman's house by way of the sec
ond-story window-he was a personal
friend of mine. o, no; I never let such
trifies stand in the way Of business. In
fact, if am not much mistaken, he was
an old sweetheart or something on that
order.
''Well, was just gazing in the glass
to see if my hat was on straight pre-
paratory TO going through his jeans and
whatever other articles of furniture he
had, when he awoke with a violent 10,
20 and so per cent. popular price start.
My Gawd, Mag, is it your he ejacu-
lated in a low, sad voice; what are you
doing here at such an hour? Think of
what the neighbors will say!' I am
here to rob- replied in a hard-boiled
Barbary coast voice.
"He seemed surprised, but contained
himself with remarkable self-posses-
sion. IF you will promise to go home
and shed those boomers forever you
can have anything have got and he
gave me the key to his wife's bureau
drawer on the spot. Yes, have found
that, as a rule, men are gallant. I al
ways make it point to disturb them
as little as possible, but whenever do
arouse them they receive me in
courteous and kindly manner
81 recall an instance of my early days
when 1 was little better than a second
story novice. I had entered bach
elor's apartment, and was hastily sep
arating the wheat from his unpaid bills,
when he unexpectedly opened his eyes
and gazed long and earnestly at me.
DO you find anything that strikes
your fancy?' he asked, in a gentlemanly
way.
Nothing replied, that will enable
me to live in ease and luxury
"'Well,' he answered, lin that lower
drawer you will find pair of pink silk
pajamas. If you will be so good as to
take them I think you can use them
when your boomers have gone into dry
dock
80, no, was not offended. We lady
burglars have to put up with a great
deal of risque remarks, and, besides, the
pajamas, found, made excellent shirt
waists for the seaside. Would recon-
mend other young women to follow in
my footsteps? No, not unless they were
willing to put up with all manner of IN
conventional things.
Sometimes almost envy Billy Fly,
Davy Dare Devil and those other ladies
who hang by their toes from 1S-story
buildings at seven dollars a column. It
is a great deal more genteel than to go
through pair of gentleman's trousers
with the horrid dread in your heart
that his wife has already been through
them.'-San Francisco Call.