Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1896-10-21
The Press. Hello Central.
Ceptral.-Well. what ia it?

Ceptral.-Well, what is it?
The Press.-We want to get little
more news concerning the 'true inward
ness of the late combine" that slaugh-
| tered Barrett for Sheriff.
Central.-Who do you want to call up?
The Press-Well, give us Tobias Nc
| Connell
CentraI.-M Mcdonnell, Mcconnell, who
is he?
The Press.-Wby, doi.'t you know ?
l mean the gentleman who manages the
County Farm and Almshouse and the
Insane Asylum.
Central.-Oh, you mean down where
the County Board of Freeholders have
their ''big eats?
The Press.-Yes.
Central.-Well, here he is.
McCOnnell-What does the Press want
of me?
The Press.-We have some bad news
for you-and we will give you ''tip' in
advance of it's publication. Our Allan
tic City correspondent writes that there
| is movement on foot to displace you.
McConnell.-You don't mean it
The Press.-We know nothing about
it personally. We print news, and give
| it merely as current rumOr.
McCOnnell.-Dunder and blitzen What
| enemy hath done this? Who has dared
to walk around this plantation and
beard the lion in bis den and scare the
crazy folks? Oh, I'll bet a bushel OF
doughHuts it's the work OF that awful
Lew" Barrett. Did you ever see the
likes of how he bowled me over at the
Linwood and Township caucuses and
knock the pins down that | had SO care
| fully set up? Wasn't it awful? Why
felt worse than an old maid tumbling
back ward down the cellar stairs. When
l formed the Coordination" with Wilson
| thought we had Lew" done up, sure,
in this vicinity, but he walked right
over us as though we were nothing more
But we had our revenge at Egg HarbOr
City. IL is true we didn't cut much of a
| figure ourselves, but, by the aid of those
good men from Atlantic City who
carried green paper in their pockets, we
were able to ''down" Barrett's unholy
ambition to become Sheriff and we
knocked the stuffin' out of it in the first
round-the first ballot mean. Oh, it
| did my soul good to see him get what he
gave us at the caucuses.
The Press.-But wasn't there some
exhibition of personal iDgratitude and
betrayal of political friendship on that
occasion?
Mcconnell OF course there was-the
basest kind. But what do we care?
We con whip in the soreheads and make
them take their medicine. Did you say
somebody was "after" me?
The Press.-Not you personally-but
your place.
McCOnnell.-Oh what dreadful news
Who can be SO wicked as to want my
little "snap" that the Board of Free
holders bestowed upon me.
The Press.-We hear you have some
enemies even there.
cConnell.-Impossible Oh do not
tell me that, after all the big feeds | have
put up for them at the County's expense.
Have | not filled them from stem to
stern with fried chicken and roast turkey
and with fat oysters and gizzard pie;
with broiled weakfish and bleached celery;
with ham sandwiches and early veg
etables; have l not irrigated them with
.'cold tea" and sarsaparilla with a
"stick" in it? Have not trundled them
back and forth from the depot in thun-
der, lightning, wind and rain? Haye
not kept them over night and protected
them from sand fleas and mosquitoes
And now to tell me that some of them
have turned against me and are even
now conspiring with my enemies? Oh,
this is ''2 mutch' as the late Artemas
Ward used to say. cannot, | will not
believe it!
The Press.-It is true, nevertheless.
McConnell.-Oh. tell me not that thou
nearest of this! 0, bid me leap from off
the tank on yonder windmill tower,
clean over into Joe Collins back yard;
or bid lurk where serpents are; chain me
with roaring bears; or hide me nightly
| in q charnel house. Ger covered quite
with dead mems rafting bones, with
reeky shanks, and yellow chapless skulls;
or bid me go into q new-made grave,
| and hide, me with dead man in his
shroud, things that, to hear them told,
have made me tremble, and
The Press. = You're quoting from
| Shakespeare now.
Mcconnell lam /? Well old Billy
never tried to keep a County farm and
run the County politics at the same time.
If he had he'd never found time to write
so many plays. What ho! scribe.
Come hither and tell me what more thou
hearestl Dost know who are the un-
gratful brutes that thus would fire me
out?
I The Press-We must not give their
| names at present.
Mcconnell well Methinks
know them all, and yet fear know
| them not. Oft have / heard them speak
| in ways that BODIED me no good. But l
| did not quite distrust them, Now mine
eyes are opened and from henceforth
| these cropping ours shall know me as
am. Bring forth the mule, and to the
depot HE me straight I'll fly hence and
know from whence these dismal tidings
came. And, Press, upon my life l charge
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