The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-01-03

Run and Terrapin Hollow turnpike and
will be president, my dear. It will quite
set us up in life. We will send our chill
dren to boarding school and live in style
off the tolls. Here's the charter, ducky.'.
Let me see it, pet, said the wife, who
was the best of wives, with plumpness and
good nature beaming all over her face
She nestled on Smiths shoulder and threw
her arm lovingly about his neck as she
helped him examine the parchment.
Suddenly Smiths visage grew long.
His wife's looked blank. Smith was not
generally profane, but now he ripped out
q fearful oath.
''Blast it, wife, he shouted furiously,
tEthose internal scoundrels at Trenton have
divorced usp'
1t was too true. The parchment he held
was bill OF divorce, in which the names
of Smith and his wife appeared in fright
fully big letters. Mrs. Smith wiped her
eyes with the corner of her apron as she
exclaimed:
''Oh, dear, here's a turnpikel Mr..
Smith, with the whole ten of our children
staring me in the face, amt your wifer'
Here the voice of the poor woman be-
came choked with sobs, and her utter
ances were too indistinct to be recorded.
AS for Smith, he cursed away at such
rate as would have convinced any specta-
tor of the propriety of sending him mis-
sionary. Although the night was dark,
and the denizens of the village had re-
tired to their beds, Smith babe his wife
put on her bonnet, and arm in arm they
proceeded to the house of the clergyman of
their church.
Goodness, bless meP' exclaimed the
mild, good man as he saw them enter
Smith looking like the last June shad,
and Smiths wife's face all streaked with
tears, fWhat is the matter?''
1.-The matter is, want you to marry US
right off, - replied Smith.
Marry you!' exclaimed the astonished
clergyman,o with expanded fingers and
wondering eyes. Are you drunk or
crazy?'
81 amt crazy, and wish I was drunk
said Smith desperately. 1.-THE fact is,
Brother Goodwin, some scoundrels at
Trenton have, unknown to US, divorced
me from my wife"
Well. the minister married them. Smith
and his wife went home and kissed every
one of their ten children, and the little
Smiths never knew that their father and
mother had been made strangers to each
other by legislative enactment.
Meanwhile and on the self same night
Jones returned to his native town and
sought tho fine pair of black eyes which
he hoped shortly to call his own. The
pretty widow sat on the sofa, white
handkerchief tied carelessly about her
round, white throat, and her black hair
laid in silky waves against her rosy cheek.
divorce is the wordl'' cried Jones,
p1ayfully patting her double chin. ''The
fact is, Eliza, am rid of that cursed
woman, and you and will be married to-
night. know how to manage those fell
lows at Trenton. A champagne supper
or was it a breakfast?-did our business
with them. Put on your bonnet and let
US go to the preachers at once, dearest -
The widow (who was among widows as
peaches are among apples) put on her bon
net and took Jones' arm, and
f'Just look how handsomely it is put on
parchment, cried Jones, pulling the doc
ument out before her. Here's the law
which says that Jacob Jones and Ann
Caroline Jones are two. Look at itl''
Putting her plump gloved hand on his
shoulder, she did look at it.
'fOh, dearl'' she cried with her rosebud
lips and sank back, half fainting, on the
sofa.
''Oh, blazes, cried Jones, rumpling the
parchment in his hand, there's lots of
champagne and happiness gone to ruin!"
It was hard case. Instead of being
divorced and at liberty to marry the
widow, Jacob Jones was simply, by the
legislature of New Jersey, Incorporated
into turnpike company, with the liberty
of constructing turnpike from Burling-
ton to Bristol When you reflect that
Burlington and Bristol are located about
a mile apart, on opposite sides of the Del
aware river, you will perceive the extreme
hopelessness of Jones case.
t'It's all the fault of that turnpike man
who gave them the supper, or was it the
breakfast?' cried Jones in his agony. eff
they had only chartered me to lay turn
pike from Pigs Run to Terrapin Hollow,
I might have borne it, but the very idea
of laying a turnpike across the Delaware
river, from Burlington to Bristol, is an
internal absurdity.''
So it was.
"And amt you divorced?'' said Eliza, a
tear rolling down each cheek.
mo- Numbered Jones, crushing his
hat between his knees, land, what is
worse, the legislature has adjourned and
gone home and won't be back to Trenton
until next year!'
1t was sa&. The mistake had occurred
| on the last day of the session, when the
| Legislators and transcribing clerks were
| laboring under the effects of champagne
supper, followed by a champagne break.
| fast. Smiths name had been put where
Jones' ought to have been, and "wisey
! wersey," as the Latin poet hath it.-Ex
| change.
| The Newest Petticoats.