Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1896-07-06
FACTS AND FANCIES.

At the Barber ga shave, sir?"
Yes" (The operation was performed
more or less clumsiiy) How much!'
'One shilling"
Dear me! l thought you only
charged siXpence."
Yes, for an ordinary shave; but this
time l happened to cut you, and had to
apply an astringent lotion to stop the
bleeding-that makes sixpence extra. =
LIE Journal Amusant.
Truth" shouted the orator, in tones
that Jared the plaster, truth crushed
to earth will rise again. The eternal
years are hers.
oval" said the pessimistic man in
the far corner. ''it must be admitted that
she seems willin' to take all Of 'em in
gettin' ready to raise. "-Cincinnat En-
quirer.
He-"So you visited Pompeii?'
She-"Oh, yes.''
He-"How did you like it?''
She-"Weil, | must say l was awfully
disappointed in the place. OF course, it
was beautifully located and all that,
but il was dreadfully out of repair. .
Halifax IN. 81 Chronicle.
GALLANTRY UNREWARDED.
We met upon the boulevard
Both riding wheels, you know,
Her laughing eyes looking into mine,
Her cheeks were all agoW
/ sought to raise my cap to her,
AlaSi Likewise alack!
A second later l was in
The ditch upon my back.
Cleveland Leader.
mamma, is God unselfsh?'
''Why. yes, Willie; the very idealiza-
ton Of it.
''Then what made Him work off little
baby brother on to us?"-NeW York
Herald.
BLESSED RELIEF.
~ 10 |, al
That wakens the worlds unmeasured zeal,
And makes a man Of my torture feel
Like praising the same Away;
For it's taken the maid next door who
sought
To daily pound the pianoforte,
To another brand of athletic sport
Boston Courier.
Mr.. Peppers Suggests.-''H How the wind
bowls tonight!' said the melancholy
boarder.
II shouldn't wonder if it had the tooth
ache" suggested Mr.. Asbury Peppers.
''Too+hache?''
teeth Of the gale?"-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Tommy-''Paw, doesn't precipitation
mean the same as settling?"
Mr.. Fight does in chemistry, but
in business you'll find that most men IN
settling don't show any precipitation at
all. indianapolis Journal.
A Safe Mule-'Rastus, you Internal
niger, you told me that mule was per-
fectly safe, and when | went into the
stable he nearly kicked the top Of my
head off" eyes, sab; | said the mewl
wuz safe, sab. But eff you kin recollec',
I didn't say muffin about wedder it WAS
safe in his vicinity. indianapolis Jour
nal.
'Are these your clothes or mine?''
asked the athletic man of his wife"
Look in the hip pocket" was the re-
ply. IF it's smelling salts they're mine;
if it's brandy they're yours. '-Philadel-
phia Review.
A Paradox: Bicycle riding is still on
the increase, in spite of the falling Off
New York Herald.
Marjorie was standing at the window
when she saw two little dogs frisking
about in the street, and manifestly hav-
ing such a good time together that she
said to her father:
Papa, don't you wish you was two lit
enjoying yourself together Prom the
Editors Drawer Of Harper's Maya
zine.
Philadelphia is not such a slow town
as some people think The Recorder
tells Of a Philadelphia man Who brushes
the growler'' on a wheel.-New York
Tribune.
A Maine clergyman was talking to his
he expressed the hope that they would
never come downstairs without first say
ing their prayers. A bright little boy
promptly responded: 81 shan't have to
say my prayers, cause | don't sleep up
stairs"