The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1896-04-22
M. QUAD AND A TOUGH
WHY THEY DID NOT SEE NEW YORK
BY NIGHT.

ANo' 'Oi U ohtiNiBhtN tioobAVi
however. "
"Then ye are bloomin innocent
It's fur a newspaper, ye saidH"
Eyes"
"And ye hev little book and pencil,
and yen put down things as we come
to emp"
yes"
THAT will start the row. About the
first man we'll meet as we knock around
will be Fatty Jim. He's cross eyed, red
headed and has broken nose and
mouth on him like the door of dime
museum. You'll begin to write in yer
book as soon as ye see him, and do ye
know what'll happen?"
He'll probably drink with me-"
"Such a lamb from Lambvillel' he
exclaimed as he patted me on the shout
der. Fatty Jim will tumble to the fact
that ye are writin him up fur the pa
pers, and-biffl bang'
Whats 'biff bang " asked
Its the way he II knock ye over three
tables and then jump on ye with both
feet, and them as goes to the morgue
won't be able to identify ye from a man
who's bin ground up under a cable car.
With tears in me eyes I'll beg of Fatty
Jim not to do it, but he won't pay any
tention to me. It'll be fur me to gath
er up yer mangled remains and send
word to yer friends, and l know how /
should suffer in my feelin s. "
but we may not meet Fatty Jim. !"
I stua NAV no ont ~ tpxpr
or sick, or in Jail.
Eyes, that's SO, but sunthin would
happen jest the same. We'd want to
take in Tommy Green's joint, of course
Tommy is down on the newspapers fur
roastin him. He's friend of mine and
knows I'm no liar. As soon as we got
in he'd wink fur me to step aside and
then ask me, Billy, me boy, who's the
half grown vegetable as is cucumberin
around under yer arn?' And bein as
I'm no liar I'd hev to say, He's inno-
cent blue jay what wants to git on to
wickedness' and sin to make an article
fur his newspaper. And then-whoof
whoof !"
"And then he d ask me to have some
thing with him?" queried.
Would he? Oh, no! He'd invite
himself to hev sunthin with you, and
the same would break four of yer ribs
bust yer head wide open, blind yer eyes,
cripple yer legs and redoose We to pulp.
I'd be weepin like babe and offerir
him $50 to let up on ye, but all could
say or do wouldn't stop Tommy Green.
When yer luvin family cum to gaze Oh
yer bloomin remains, they wouldn't
know whether it was you or dog. and
I'd be so broke up over it that the pur
lice would think l had decided to re
FORM"
"We might skip Tommy Green's,
said as / ordered more beer,
Eyes, we might" he replied as hs
half emptied the glass at swallow.
"There are other places besides these. ,
Lots of 'em, but we couldn't dodge
trubble. If ye wasn't a newspaper man
with the look of innercence in yer face
and the breezes of the west a-blowii
through yer wbiskers, l could take "
anywhere in New York, and it would
| be all right. As it is, I'm afeared q
what might happen. Suppose we jce
drop in to see Billy McGinnis' place
where ye might look in vain fur sin ant
wickedness. We go in together. It's
plain I'm steerin We about. Ye don't lay
50 bill on the bar and shout fur al
hands to walk up. Ye don't own nc
fightin dawg, and ye can't put on the
gloves. Ye don't spit over yer shoulder
and tell of the wickedness of Chicago
and ye don't cuss the purlioe and let il
be knowed that we've served term il
Sing Sing. What's the imperishabl'
result? Why, Billy calls me aside ant
says, says he, If ye've lost all sense O
honor-if repertashun is no longer deal
to ye-if ye've got that low down tina
we've takin to travelin around with /,
blooming vegetable what hain't beer
pulled out of the earth more'n week
then you will please keep out of m,
place in the future. That's what he't
say, sir, and though the tears would b,
a-streamin down my cheeks as answer
ed him he'd throw us both out. Die
ye say more beer, sir?"
/ ordered more beer and suggested
that we might at least knock around TIT
streets together and see what was to b.
seen.
Don't try it, SIR" he replied as hi
lowered his glass to shake his head in |
solemn way. "Ye hev treated me as on
gent should treat another. 1 wouldn
like to see harm cum to ye. II w
should 60 out and walk the streets to
gether, we'd be sure to meet cop
pes. He'd know me ON sight, but IN
wouldn't know ye. He'd think ye wa
leadin me inter paths of wickedness
and to save me he'd up with his clul
and fetch you whack over the head
and down ye'd go. He might not quit
kill ye, but fur year to cum ye'd la.
ON yer bed at home and be cared fur lik
infant. As l said before, I've bill
treated as one gent should treat anoth
or. and if it was fur yer good I'd knool
about with ye seven nights in week
Give it up, sir. Think Of yer luvin fam
lily and give it up, and if ye ask me if
will hev a glass Of beer with ye I'll re
ply that will and weloome-seef"-
M. Quad in Detroit Free Press.
WHEN WOMAN IS NOT GRACEFUL.
| Conditions Under Which She Manages I.