The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1896-03-19

and they were never more so than ir
the case of the fat man. His name is
Jcrmyn, and he is famous for having
been nearer the North Pole than any
other explorer who has attempted to
reach It. If his crew had not mutinied
and overpowered him l have no doubt
but that mysterious polar region would
have been conquered ere this.
81 always laugh when ! think over
my experience with the gentler sex
Somehow / have not the figure to cut
much of a dash with them" and he
chcerfully patted himself on his most
prominent feature. And yet | acted
quite like a hero on one occasion. I'M
agine me in the part!"
He laughed heartily.
WAS going to meet my mother al
King's-cross," he continued, land was
up and down the platform (the train
wasn't late. the Great Northerns never
are; | was early) when 1 noticed
lovely girl waiting for the rattler.
was so intent on watching the girl that
l did not notice the approaching train,
and the girl was so intent on watching
the approaching train that she did not
notice q porter with truck coming up
behind her, so when the man shouted
BY your leave close to her ear she
was naturally so startled that she
jumped on one side without looking
where she was going. Unfortunately
she was standing on the edge of the
platform, so when she jumped she went
head first over Remember boys, she
was wearing open-work black stockings
and other white garments appertaining
to the old-in contradistinction to the
new-woman- | naturally fell in love
with her at first sight Well--ha ha!
I of course went after her-didn't see
the train or probably shouldn't have
been such a fool'--
His listeners grunted incredulously.
They knew their man.
Seized the girl by something-I re-
member arranging her costume a bit as
the engine swept by-and jerked her out
off the lines about half a second before
the beastiy train passed over the place
where she was lying. Well, my mother
took a fancy to her, and took her up
generally, and as she was a governess
out of work she was naturally glad
enough to go and stay at Ovelmere for
month or two, while the matter rec
commended her to all her friends, little
thinking that her son wished to present
her with a ddNghter-in-law in the shape
OF that goVcrness. / never got so far
as the proposal as I wasn't quite surc
that 1t was altogether fair. for of
course, I knew that she might think
herself indebted to me because of the
Kings-cross incident, and also because
l was well off and she was penniless
OF course at that age l was the kind of
Idiot who isn't satisfied unless he is
Ii
certain that l was. However, l pretty
soon was certain, for one day took her
drive in high dog-cart and just
when we had got to a precipice over
hanging the lake the wretched horse
SHE'D, and we were thrown clean out Of
the conveyance into a bush below, and
when we came to our senses we found
ourselves hanging to the same wretcne6
bough with the miserable lake beneath
us and neither OF us able to swim lit
| tie bit.
1T was a sweet predicament
well. was just going to say some-
| thing valedictory to the lady and let
go (for / knew the sickening branch
| wouldn't long support the pair of us),
| when 1t gave an ominous crack and
the dear girl leaning towards me-but
ledge-said. Don't you hear it? Let
go or it will break and / shall he
drowned"
Il was so taken aback by my divinity
| being so selfish that quite forgot my
self and murmured, I cannot swim At
which she gave a stab with a pair Of
| scissors she had taken out of her chate-
| laine-here is the mark still on the back
| of my hand-and screamed. Then
| drown
Il naturally let go, struck the water
| and very shortly afterwards the bottom
| of the lake-violently. / don't know
| how it was that I never thought of the
| lake being shallow at that place. but
one doesn't do much thinking at such
| time. ] waded ashore and rescued
| the lady-but my love was killed most
| effectually. Then 1 went to Africa and
| abjured the weaker SEX"
The wise of to-day are the fools of
yesterday.
A restless man who had been rolling
| the balls on the deserted billiard liable
| in the darker part of the ROOM came
| forward and subsided into a perfect
dream of a chair and without any pre-
face started talking.
II have been back in England about
| six years." he began, "and during that
| time have been a most devoted bache-
| lor, as you fellows know, but there was
time when 1, like you others. was the
| devoted slave of a woman, but, unlike
your divinities, mine did not turn out
to be very common clay after all-in-
deed, l am as fully resolved to-day not
to marry any woman but her as I was
on the day ! became betrothed to her.
"Six years ago I was a prosperous
merchant in South America, which was
a peculiar position for the younger son
| of a noble English house. / had been
| out some four or five years, having
| found that England was not a suitable
| climate for the younger son of a peer
a man cut off from the ordinary occu-
/ pations of a penniless young man by
! the position of his father and without
| the wherewithal to live decently at his
/ leisure.
MY name and savoir faire were un-
| doubtedly of great advantage to me in
the South American republic that l
elected to reside in, and my diligence
for l was most anxious to get back
| to the old country-Was rewarded so