Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-11-02

VIZ solI w dIlef hale1gn lad his
cloak on the ground for Queen Elizabeth
to walk over, but you get mad simply
because poor, dear mother sat down on
your hat."-Boston Globe.
Tommy, who was Joan of Arc?"
asked the teacher.
''Noahs wife, said Tommy, who is
considered great at guessing del
phia American.
A new justice of the peace was ap-
pointed not long since at Jamaica, L. /.
one OF the first cases brought before
him was that of a man accused of selling
Watf1es on the street without a license.
HIS honor imposed a fine of So"
but, said the prisoner, your Honor,
l haven't got So.
Very well, replied the new magis-
trate, that is easily remedied. Go out
and sell your waffies until you have"
WHAT HE LIKED.
What do like about that girl?'
Now, surely, tbs no task
TO answer straight and quickly, too,
The question that you ask
What do like about that grip
or course mean no harm,
But what like about her best,
ls-well, is my own arm!
A Mystery.-'' very hard to UNDER
stand the workings of the human intel
lect, said the father of the small boy.
What is it, my dear?" asked his wife.
Tommy failed to pass two of his ex-
aminations in arithmetic last year."
"Yes?"
"And yet, when it comes to finding the
average of a baseball nine he can cal
culate better than / CAMP
Mamma-"Well, Tommy, did you give
the dog his medicine while | was away?"
Tommy Yes, ma; / read the recipe,
and it said the compound could be mixed
in an old, broken tureen or dish, so I
used that big soup-tureen, but had an
awful job to break it."
Extract from a Popular Novel-"They
strolled together about one hundred and
sixty yards; it was at that point that
he left her presence without a parting
message.
For some time she was unable to trust
her ears; then, as she realized her aban-
doned condition, feeling of overwhelm-
ing desolation came upon her, and, cast
ing herself upon the ground, she. gave
expression to her grief in French"
Economical = Husband - You're not
economical Wife-"Well, if you don't
call woman economical who saves her
wedding dress for a possible second mar
riage, II like to know what you think
economy isv'-Answers.
Wine may improve with age, but most
of it doesn't get a chance.
81 am sorry bought one of those door
mats with Welcome on it,
why SOP"
''Some stupid fellow mistook the mean
ing of the word and helped himself to it
the first night ''-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A TRAGIC MISPRINT.
He wrote a poem to his Kate;
He called her his red rose
Alas! The cruelty of fate.
The printer made it ''nose!''
Philadelphia North American.
Most of the time when we are wonder
ing what people think about us they are
thinking about themselves.
Necessity is not only the mother Of in
vention, but usually the only reward of
the inventor.
HAPPY TIMES.
The marriage month now comes apace,
And sweethearts think it nice,
While grocerymeD with smiling face
- - - 80. kansas City World
England a Disappointment-"D
saws she was disappointed in England"
"What was that?' ''Things didn't look
SO English as she thought they would"
-Cl.-cago Record.
Men could learn mighty convincing
lesson from the fish. They never get
into very serious trouble as long as they
keep their mouths shut.
Wasted Sarcasm-Brutal Father
"My dear. can't you do something to stop
that child's crying?" Indignant wife
(sarcastically)-"I might cut its throat
Brutal Father-"That's a good idea.
Now, I never would have thought Of
that Do so by all means. Harlem
Life.
"Ahr' said the elderly lady. sit is sad
to see, but the young men Of the present
day seem to be lacking totally i'll reyer-
ence'' "You don't know our young men,
mamma said the younger lady. "You
should start one of them to talking about
himself. indianapolis Journal.
An Arkansas girl bit her sweetheart on
the lip while kissing him, blood poisoning
set in and he died. Slain by the jawbone
of lass, so to speak.-Chicago Dispatch.
Father-"But do tell me, Alfred. how
YOU could fail again?" Son-''Well, you
see we had another examination. =
Fliegende Blaetter.