The herald., 1896-06-08


"W-h-r-r-r-. Switch dat chunk of ios
round on top Of my head stead Of chas-
in 1t down de wrong spine of my back"
savagely expostulated the deputy zan-
Jero at the receiving hospital the MORN
Ing after the primaries last week. Dis
thing OF helpin' out q friend as q in
trouble. when IT hain't none Of your
dough. sometimes leads to needin' big
wads Of Hamburg steak 'twixt de right
ear an de left eye bad. You see,
promised Herv Lindley an Walter Par
ker an Tom Savage an Tom McCaf-
frey dat I'd get In Tuesday an line up
de Amalgamated Association Of An
nointed Hashers. an other swell people
wild few votes apiece, an no conscience
nor beer money in dere vests, to help
out on de second fight for principle me
an my STAFF has had now inside month.
De tune we was to play was to 'sist
down in de Fifth an other wards in
side Lamanda park an round near San
Gabriel. We needed citizens dat bright
evening, cause plain, ordinary 16 to 1
voters would be spotted. Dey had to
ride in hacks an be dead ripe fruit else
II dey walked to de polls Guy Barham
an Judge Stephens would have a-been
next 'em for gold bugs or ISOLATION
shouters. an our end Of 1t wouldn't have
been In for even soda pop. We went in
de field an scrapped de thing out wild
de other side as hain't entitled to vote
round Democratic primaries. nohow.
When de votes was counted. we was
about like one Of Barham's best isin-
glass collars. clean out of sight, not in
1t a little Bit I stayed in de fight to de
last, till some one of dem Fourth ward
ers as had 1t dat I was agin General
Last took me by mistake for de wrong
man, a-pressin' me under de right eye
Tor nickel-in- -de-slot cigar machine
button. Den. Of course, all bets was de-
clared of. I sailed in to stand up for
my rights. an. well de next day was
color blind, my face was over night.
chored down in de bottom of my stom-
ach mt to make me sea-sick. an here
l am. Get another six pound chunk of
dat Ice. Put It square on de top of my
mead. It's colder dan Hervey Lindley's
feet when de boss gives yuse de glad
Say. dem primaries was de most dis
appointin' fairy tale know since de
day George A. Knight up to Sacramento
dared Tyee Huddleson to flip his pants
pockets inside out, alookin' for stray
double eagles awarded John de Spreck-
We Trust-I don't tink. Our side had
de works whole. If de privates in
de ranks had abeen more numerous
an de other fellers hadn't got
a move on. 1t makes me weep
for my country when thinks Of all de
good men as has been raslaughtered,
What wild General Last in de ditch an
Colonel Fire Alarm Mitchell In de
tureen, aburied under q tornado plant
down where de Cahuenga smells de
sweetest, an Major Burke layed out
wild machete, an Captain McCaffery
atelescoped in de San Fernando tunnel,
an Lieutenant Ramish sabered where
1t II do de most good, an Corporal Saw
age spanked an put to bed, it's enough
to bring real tears to de face Of Joe
Simons when he blows de foam off n
his stein Just where de 'lectric cars stop
out Pasadena way. 1t makes me shiver
when thinks Of what might have hap
pened If de hurry up hadn't took me
away when 1t did. Dis crystallized ice
is about all gone. Telephone de cold
storage for another block. I'm aburnin'
UP inside an out.
Fire Alarm Mitchell is up tellin' de
governor how it happened. He was
busy dat day advisin' Uncle Coils an
Steve White bout putin only square
toed people on de harbor commission,
forgettin' all about de votes in de Ca
huenga dat he longed for an never
come. While de Cahuenga wind was
a-wanderin', Providence come along an
overlooked him like white check. Cir
cumstances over which he had no con-
troll done de rest, an de mex day de
band played De Thing Left Behind Me.
Now de Fire Alarm is up north deliverin'
to Budd de goods which he has in hook,
in trade for de ham sandwiches allayin'
round de Whittier boardin' school for
youngsters as won't come in de house
after dark. De Fire Alarm an John
Terrence Gaffey was on de train out at
de Arcade depot together, an IL Gaf.h
didn't get all de 16 to l pesos in de Ca
huenga valley before de porter give 'em
both de brush off on de Oakland mole,
den I won't call up John Muir any more
dis season.
I'm up a stump kinder bout dis
Fourth of July free an easy dis year.
Over on Boyle Heights de 'sociation Is
for de picnic, an round other places de
'visory board is agin 1t. Blanchard, de
councilman from de Ninth, has a-been
resoluted to stand in for all de coin de
traffic ii bear. Still de committee only
got measly thousand .plunkers. which
amt enough to pay for postage stamps
for Bob Wirsching's letters to George
Arnold, when de iron is hot. On top OF
dat, long comes de school board an
puts up tariff agin itself a-takin' any
part in de feast De mex swipe, Is
belt in de ear from de fire commission.
an de jig's mighty nigh up, De fire
patrol turned dandies for de Fiesta, an
dey turned turtle for de other spiel. Dat
play hain't hardly to de rim OF de tea.
cup wild me, an I can't size 1t right yet
altOgetner.
"Da Irish give, 1t to Jim Ashman beau
tiful on Tuesday night. Dere was no
orders from Rome to whale Ashman.
He just got 1t on principle. Jim ought
to have laid awake nights a-keepin' out
of dat bull ring, cause a lection is about
a-comin on again, an de Irish who
haint applied since two years ago has
dere shillelas whitfield down pat (good
joke, dat) ready to swipe de- friends as
has been a-stayin' by 'em through thick
an thin ever since Frank RAIDER was
first sworn in to draw hia pay an look
pleasant ever after. Dat reminds me, de
mayor hain't got time to go east right
now. Dick Kerensl'li be I'M ST Louis an
it's agin de ordinances to live In de same
country wild de pope
"Good-bye. I've got to make out de
,ist, Of de people as II have to take upper
herths in a cattle car when dey goes up
- hoom Steve White mex Sunday for
de- lob which de 'visory board says Nc
Kiniey can't have. So long. I'll see
yuse again.
Try our port and sherry wines at 7S
cents per gallon. T. Vache & Co., Com
mercial and Alameda streets Tele-
phone 300.
For insurance at cost see M. L. Wicks,
manager Mutual Reserve, California
Bank building.