The Madisonian. (Virginia City, Mont.) 1873-1915, 1896-03-07
PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS FUNERAL.
A Topeka Mans Precautions Against Mo
tCary Chostnuts,

A Topeka Mans Precautions Against Mo
tcary Chestnuts.
A Topeka man Of a practical turn Of
mind has made a will regulating his
own funeral. A friend who is a parson
is to come from a distance and say q
! prayer. Another friend, who is not q
parson, not even a church member, is
to make a short talk. Another friend,
whO.!s a woman and a sweet singer, is
TO request three musical friends-an-
other woman and two men-tO Join her
IN singing appropriate hymns, while
another friend, a young fellow who
learned the keyboard while ION the
road for a music house, is to preside
at the organ.
The undertaken is not to wear a plug
hat, or q big diamond stud, or a dressy
Prince Albert coat, or i'll any manner to
appear as if he had snatched a mOmeut
from 4 banquet to bury the dead. He is
to, De modest and humble, giving the
corpse q chance for public attention-its
last chance. The pallbearers are not to
DE labeled. They will be distinguish
able from the corpse by the fact that
they will be alive, and their duties will
be understood without wearing a print
cd sign. They must be good fellows,
too, bright fellows, and they are re-
Guested to beguile the way to the grave
with cheerful anecdotes of their dead
friend.
None OF them may wear gloves-un-
dartakers' gloves are so etarchy and
atutfy-and a man whose hands sweat
is barred. It furnishes the handles Of
the coffin. Grips and signs, swords,
feathers and bands are prohibited. The
parson who shall say the first prayer
SHALL say the last, and ''sprigs Of mvr-
tie o. 'acacia' are forbidden. The
pallbearers are TO line up and witness
the final closing of the grave. All the
funera. arrangements are to be in charge
Of another friend, 4 woman, who shall
comfort the family and see that chulnps
keep away from the house that brown
les be nc permitted to "sit up with the
corpse" She shall receive fowers-if
any-fr!ends may bring in, return thanks
for them in writing and request the
newspapers not to call them CHORAL of
fer1ngs.' She shall also detach ca,ds
from these pretty remembrances and
preserve them for the family. The coffin
1T shall not be called '~'Casket'-
must not wear the appearance of d floral
bargain counter. That mossgrown title
head, "The Last Sad Rites,' must not
appear over the newspaper account of
the funeral, and having done this last
kind service in fairly good English and
short sentences city editors are requested
to turn again their attention to life and
the beautiful world. leaving the dead
man to make his w way across the
dark river. kansas City Star.
Car Fares and Bicycling.
A new rider with a new wheel is as
airy and imaginative as the traditional
boy with his first pair Of trousers. One
Of the new riders most laughable hal
lucinations is that by purchasing a
wheel he has become economical instead
OF e~xtravagant. 1t is customary to hear
the new rider defend himself from the
charges Of ~extravagance in the purchase
Of a bicycle by The declaration that he
will, by use OF it, soon save in car fares
alone more than the wheels cost. Let
no man deluae himself with any such
idea. Surprising it were possible for
him to ride a bicycle to and from his
work each of the 800 working days in
the year-and such a supppsition is
away beyond the probabilities in the
case-ho would store up in carfare saw
lngs but $50 per annuu, at which rate
1t would take just three years and four
months for him to garner the 500 pile
his wheel had cost him. Therefore such
arguments are fa!lacious, and should at
ONO and forever be abandoned.
Don't hide behind a subterfuge 10
weak as this cartare allegation. Be hon
est with yourself and tile world. say it
eight out, SO all may heul You, that you
have bought a wheel 53caaaa yoU want
to ride one, because C the pleasure it
gives and the wider scope it gives you
when all outing is possible. If that is
not sufficient to silence those who criti-
else you, leave them to their ways ana
go yours awheel, satisfied that your in
vestment in a bicycle yields you never
failing dividends of health and happi-
hess st. Louis Globe Democrat. D.,
Rust on the Wires of q Piano.