Mexico weekly ledger., 1896-08-20
GLOVER ON THE NEW PARTY.
ro HE EDITOR Of .he Post. pispatch.

o4s 1bo 61 4
Herman Haeussler, Tom Skinker,
Fred Lehman, Jim Broadhead and
Fred Judson, with a few more of the
elect, and myself, went down to Chats
worth Hall the other night and had a
rip-roarin', sound money meetin'.
We are the only honest men in the
Democratic party, and we thought
we had better hire a hall and adver-
tise the fact-especially as there were
many who did not seem to know it.
We gave every man on the bill-of-
fare an office and then we had sixteen
on the platform and one in the audi
ence. We killed him, as we didn't
want to be hoodooed on the start.
Our little band of Trojans did not
pan out as numerously as the fellows
who ratified free silver at Exposition
Hall, but Ghee Whillikins, how We
did make it up in quality
There was Col. Jim Broadhead,
whom Cleveland appointed Ambassa-
dor Extraordinary and Minister Plen-
ipotentiary to the Dirt Eaters of the
Orinoco, or some place like that.
And Col. Jim is a good man, weigh
ing 200 pounds and ''very fillin," as
Sam. Weller said about the crumpets,
in an empty hall. If we had had is
to LOT Col. Jim, Col. Lehman would
not have had to stop his speech be-
cause the echoes of his own voice
made him think there was a al OF
the roof asking him questions. l
don't know whether Col. Jim joined
the club because Cleveland appointed
him Minister to Wayback, or because
he was Svengalied by Col. Herman
Haeussler. Anyhow, he is a political
Trilby, and somebody hypnotized him.
Col. Haeussler joined the club be-
cause he heard it rumored that If the
gold standard was adopted every
money-lender who had one dollar
would straightway have two. That
settled it with Col. Herman. He
rushed up to the club, broke open the
fire-proof safe with a jimmy, pulled
out the club register and put his name
down on the roll. We forgave the
burglary on account of the honor of
having a public benefactor on our
list. When Col. Lehman said that
the business man "didn't want to be
paid in no metaphors" Col. Haeuss-
Ter nearly fell off his chair, he thought
it 80 funny. Anybody who knows
Col. Haeussler knows that he don't
want to be paid in no metaphors
either. If l owed Col. Haeussler
some money and had only some met
aphors to pay him with, I would run
as far as God gave me any ground.
/ have known Col. Haeussler to APP
pear before the City Council ia
times, write 347 communications to
the daily papers and pay 1,142 visits
to the City Hall when his loss by the
municipal steal was only 1-13 part of
1 cent. But the Colonel's financial
instinct was SO highly developed that
when the money was taken he felt
that he was being robbed by Indirect
Radiation.
Then there is Col. Tom Skinker.
Any one club that possesses at the
same time both Col. Haeussler and
Col. Skinker has assets enough to
divide up profits and go out of bust
ness. Ihave known Col. Skinker to
fight a boulevard fourteen miles long,
because it taxed his property 10 cents.
If Col. Skinker and Col. Haeussler
were not born to be goldsugs, then
there is no truth in predestination,
and there is nobody born to be
damned. Thus we have the bitter
and sweet together, and "every cloud
has a silver lining" Besides don't
print this) Col. Skinker is an impos-
ter. No man ear be as wise as he
looks. And it seems to me that one
session in the Legislature does not
Justify a man in looking as wise as
that. And there is Col. Judson. OF
course he does not look as wise as
Col. Skinker, because he has only
been a member of the School Board.
But he does pretty well, considering
his opportunities.
Do you know how we make con-
verts? By argument? Not a bit of it.
We simply get Col. Broadhead, Col.
Skinker and Col. Judson up in a row.
We bring in the doubling Thomas, and
say "Look at them-they are all for
the gold standard" He takes one
look and says: "That settles it. Pm
for the gold standard, too. Three
phyzes like those could never go
wrong"
Then there's Col. Lehman. Col. Leh-
man did not join the club,the club join
ed him. Col. Lehman kindly came over
here from Iowa to mend our minds
and morals. Col. Lehman is intensely
conscientious. He got it practicing
law for a railroad company; same
place Col. Bill Phelps got his. 1t hurts
his feelings to see Democrats SO dis
honest as to want to coin silver dol
lars. 1 understand it hurts Col. Bill
Phelps feelings the same way. He
and Col. Lehman are still working
hand in hand to keep the Missouri
Democrats honest. And he gave us a
beautiful speech. He 'ripped with
old Euripides, socked with old Socra-
tes and canted with old Cantiades."
He let off Katharine Wheels of elo-
quence and parachutes and ~paraboias
of oratory. Children cried for him to
60 on, and at every well turned phrase
the audience wept at the sight of an
old acquaintance. That nasty, measly
reporter of an obscure morning con-
temporary said the Colonel's effort
twas more notable for oratorical flights
than it was for argumentative force"
This was a cruel injustice to the Cice-
roman Demosthenes of the sound
money club. Before that young man
attempts to criticise he should know
what Col. Lehman was trying to do.
We don't crack up Col. Lehman to be
no Logician. That blamed little fool
doesn't seem to know what an orator
is. Did you ever go to a Fourth oil
July speaking, sonny9 Well, that's