, 1896-04-09
A MEAN REVENGE.

l had ruug the bell until / was tired
and out of patience, and then called for
him until l was out of breath, and still
he did not ONE
If you want TO know who l am, allow
me to inform you that my name is
George Boomerang. better known in
Frazedona, where l reside. as Captain
Boomerang, late of the army. / am a
man Of considerable wealth, own the
finest house III town and keep, or did
keep, u man by the name Of Sam, whose
duty it was to brush my clothes, hat and
boots and adjust my leg.
l refer to u wooden leg. The original
leg ran against "a cannon ball during our
late unpleasantness, and l have never
seen 1t since.
Well, it was Sans duty to take that
wooden !eg OFF ut night and to be on
hand i'll the morning to put ii On before
l got out of bed. and now you knew
why l was yelling. sam! Sam! Sam!"
And when l inform you that this was
the morning Of my wedding day perhaps
you can Imagine how ANXIOUS l was to
get on to my legs as soon us possible.
Eyes. ma'am, l was the lucky fellow
that had walked into The aifections-un
u wooden leg too-of the handsomeSt
girl i'll Frazedona and was that day to
lead her to the altar. Bnt l must get my
leg on first, and. as sam wouldn't or
couldn't come, l rolled out Of bed and
went hopping around On ono foot to fad
my leg.
Now, my dear reader, wien the sur
geon trimmed my stump after that little
affair with the cannon ball he sawed it
off uncommonly short, SO perhaps you
can family imagine my feeling when,
after hopping around my room, l found
what l supposed TO be my leg, but, upon
attempting to Il adjust it, discovered that
it was intended to go OIL below the knee.
"Do wooden legs shrink: That's just
what l want TO know" said l. And
then l rang the bell and called "San -
We'll, Samuel didn't come, but my
housekeeper. Mrs. Bloom, did.
"Mlrs. Bloom l cried, where is
SAM"
She answered me through the keyholo
of the door. "He left the house last
night about IL O'Clock. Took his trunk
with him. and said he was gong to
leave town by the midnight train
/ couldn't understand it at first. /
had always used Sam well, paid him
good wages, and he had seemed perfect
ly contentcd with his situation, and
served me faithfully until now.
Suddenly an idea struck me, and the
whole cause of Sans periiGy was re-
vealed to me.
by heavens, it is Slympkins!' I
yelled. "Slympkins is the cause of all
my woe. He bribed Sam to steal ny
leg Gu this my wedding day and leave
this insufficient prop i'll place of it"
Jim Slympkins is or was NY rival.
He is the only son Of his father, who.
by the way, is the most wealthy gentle
man i'll FIazedona. Consequently Jim
doesn't do anything but smoke cigars,
drive round OWL behind his splendid
grays, and devote himself to the ladies
generally.
1 rather had the advantage of Slynp-
kins. To be sure, Slymphins had Or was
expecting to have much mole wealth
than l could boast of, but he hadn't my
face, yon know. or anything like it.
l was sorry for Slmypkins, but. hang
it, my dear sir, what could 1 do? If he
had chosen Miss Short. Miss Ginx, Miss
Broad, or. in fact, any one hut Miss
Amelia Seymour, it would have been
well. But it was really absurd fol
%Slympkins to suppose that l would al
low him or any other maj to marry
Amelia-at least while l had IA wooden
le.-.
l would have given Slympkins any
thing in reason, but it was truly ridicu-
lous for him to think that l would give
him Amelia. 1 told her SO, and then l
folded her to my breast, and she folded
me to her breast. and l allowed her to
sip the honey from my July lips.
Yes, l had won her, and lCor Slymp-
kins was fairly wild with rage, He had
worn to be %levenged. hut l laughed at
his threats.
Twas seated ut the breakfast table sip
ping my coffee half an hour aft0rward
when Mrs. Bloom came running in, cry
ing:
"Oh, captain. l know all about it!'
"What, the ieg?"
Yes, l think so. My daughter Eliza
says she saw mir. slympkins give Jam
some money last night"
eyes, / know it was Slympk:ns."
"More than that. Sam was married
last night to Miss Seynour's maid. and
they went Off together by the IL O'Clock
train"
"But, my dear woman" said I, II
don't care anything about whom he has
married or where he has gone. The
question is, Has he carried my ley with
him:"
"Why. I'm sure l don't know"
We'll, that is just what l want to
know, ma am. This isn't IL time for
trif1ing. You must remember that I am
to be married today. and. by Jovel I
want my leg!"
why don't you ask Slympkins for
it?"
"Yes, and be laughed at. No, / don't
intend to let him know anything about
the trouble he has caused me. Besides /
don't know that he has got it."
But what ore you going to dor"
why, Just NJ soon MS l finish my
breakfast I shall go to Mr.. Seymour's
and tell him Of the perfidy of my serv-
ant-and / shall take that leg to prove
my aforementioned, unless he objects
very strongly. I shall insist on being
married upon crutches rather than to
have the wedding postponed. That would