Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-09-17
TIE J0KERS' BUDGET.
TESTS AND YARNS or THE FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.

MEN or THE PRESS.
UnmlstakabJe Devotion.-.With the Sum
NOR cIrI--.HIs Exact Condition 90 The
Way She Took lt-.-Luckv to be Allowed
That.
UxMIsTAKABIE DEVOTION.
"Do you love me3"
Haven't ! told you your boomers are
becomings"
WITH THE SUMNER GIRLS.
Edith know it is said to be 80, but
there are lots of men -
Meg For goodness sake! where!
LONG RIDE.
Miss Leftover Yes, am very fond Of
the wheel. have ridden hslf-century.
Mr.. Gettitrong-Reallys didn't know
they had been invented that long.
FUTILE SEARCH.
"Bacberly, why don't you find some
good woman and form matrImoniai
alliance?"
"What want in that line is silent
partner. and I've been seeking in vain for
the last ten years."
HIS ONLY WISH
Young Gushington Grimmer,
love your daughter devotedly, madly!
cannot live without her! l.
Old Grimmer-Oh, all right. All
ask Of you is not to stay and die in the
house.
WHY SHE TOOK IT.
MY dear" said Mr.. Darley. "did you
take any money ont of my waistcoat
pockets"
II did," replied she, defsntly.
'Why did your
because that Is one Of married
women's vested rights"
AS AMENDED.
"People who live in glass houses" be-
gan Mrs. Tibbetts.
People who live in glass houses"
interrupted Mr.. Tbbetts, in mans dog
matte way, ''should pull down the
blinds"
HIS EXACT CONDITION.
Tourist lin Oklahoma)-I understand
that Polecat Pete barely escaped from the
mob last night
Alkali Ike-Wal, not exactly barely
he had about half a coat of tar an feathers
on When he got away.
ANOTHER SIMILARITY.
He-As near as l can get at it, the
general idea of heaven seems to be place
where it is always summer.
She Yes, and the proportion OF men
to women will be about as it is at most
of the summer resorts. Am right?
NEW TO THEM.
'There is a joke in your paper this
week that heard at a variety show two
seasons ago." said the dsagreeable man.
''What If there ISL" said the publisher
of the religious weekly. "Our subscrib-
ers never go to variety shows"
THE WAY SHE TOOK IT.
Mrs. Lovey (proudly)-Yes, Mr.. Lovey
and have been married for twenty-five
years. And we have yet to make up our
first real quarrel.
Miss Pert-Isn't that rather long time
to sulk?
LUCKY TO BE ALLOWED THAT.
Spa" said little Johnny, whats a
matrimonial bureau?"
"Oh," replied pa, 81 guess it must be
one in which the husband is allowed to
put things only in one corner of the top
drawer"
THE BICYCLES REroRT.
''You may talk about your superiority
all you please" said the horse to the
bicycle; "but you can't 60 unless some
body rides you"
''True!" retorted the machine; "but
you never GO. the girls to wearing bloom
ers, nor did you originate the New
Woman. did all that"
ONE ON JENNIE.
Fannie-"Where is your wheel ?"
Jennie-''I loanel it to Dudley Cane
sucker"
Fannie-"Oh, yes; Dudley did write
me to 60 out with him this afternoon for
a spin mustn't keep him waiting"
HIs LOCATION.
Able Editor (Hawville Clarion)-D
the jury find the prisoner guilty or not
guilty?
Texas Ike-Neither.
''How was that "a hung Jury ?"
''Nope; q hung prisoner. When they
got through deliberatin' they found him
nduglu ny tue neck from tne Wlnunu
back of the jail. We'd got tired waitin'
for 'em to git to focus"
FAKES WOULDN'T DO.
Caller: Say, want petrified man?
Museum Manager: Indeed do, tight
Fl.
''Well. ! can do the petrihed man act
so no one will ever guess it."
"You won't do. l don't want any
fake. want genuine, living, petrified
man. not an imitation"
''Nobody'll know the difference"
II don't want him for exhibition. i
want him for cashier"
GOOD REASON.
Little Johnnie Chaffie has the habit of
waking up every night and demanding
something to eat. At last his mother
said to him:
look here, Johnnie, never want you
eat anything in the night"
"Well. don't think I'd care much to
eat anything either in the night If kept
my teeth in a mug OF water"
GETTING RID OF THE GAS.
Torker Long "a bore)-I tell you, fell
lows, that tooth was a terror The dem
fist says to me, he says: NOW, Mr.. Long,