The record-union., 1896-07-19

now it creates diversion that is pleas
ing."
81 don't believe 1 quite understand
you"
well, don't think 1 could stand an
other summer of nothing but wheels
and bloomers. .''-Chicago Evening Post.
The injured man slowly raised his eye
lids. where am II" he asked.
you were run into by another bicy-
clist," answered the policeman.
Later, just before lapsing into uncon-
sciousness, he asked in a touching man
ner, What was the name of his ma
chine?"
'Of course you will want a stable in
connection with your country placer"
said the architect
Certainly" replied the man of
wealth.
about how large q one?"
"Oh, it ought to have accommodations
for about twenty bicycles. ."-Chicago
Pest.
God bless the wheel the whirling wheel!
That wakens the worlds unmeasured
zeal,
And makes a man Of my torture feel
Like praising the same alway;
For it's taken the maid next door, who
sought
To daily pound the piano-forte,
To another brand of athletic sport
That bears her miles away.
-I,o Ii hof
haven't a wheel
my dear, you haven't missed any
thing"
Yes, / have. I might have had half
a dozen bones broken by this time!"-
Detroit Free Press.
Poor old man! Totally blind Does
he never repine?"
Never. He seems even cheerful. He
says he does not have to close his eyes
now when a girl in bloomers comes
along. Chicago Tribune.
He-What is the name of your wheel?
She-Do you mean the name the
maker gives it, or the names papa
called it when he fell over it in the hall
night before last?
There really is naught in a name, so
they say,
Yet this thought will give one the
shudders:
If the big, baggy trousers are bloom
ers" they may
Call the smaller, close-ftting ones
'budders.''
She-I declare! There's nothing but
fiction in the papers nowadays.
He-Oh, you struck the bicycle ad-
Observation-Disclosures Statesman.
4
'My work is easy" Cupid cries;
mo use have for darts,
For on bicycles girls now ride
Their way into mems hearts,
Roadster-Is Bikely man of means?
Scorcher-Is he? Why, he owns three
different makes of wheels!
"NOBLESSE OBLIGE" IN ATHLET-
ICS.
To those who believe in the physical
and disciplinary value of outdoor sports
it is not more gratifying to see their
extraordinary popularity than to note
the better standards which the most
far-seeing, enthusiastic and gentleman
ly devotees have succeeded in establish
ing almost everywhere in the conduct of
competitive athletics. Especially in col
leges there have been an enormous
stride forward in the matter of drawing
clearly and exactly the lines of profess
sionalism. To one who is a stranger
to the inside of college competitive
games it may seem at first thought
that the efforts for such strict tests of
professionalism are resulting in very
hair-splitting arguments, but any one
who has realized the dishonorable eff
fects of mixing to the slightest degree
the professional spirit with the amateur
spirit will need no argument to under
stand how important it is that the col
leges should cease playing on their
teams men who are having their way
paid through college, or who are playing
for money, or who ever have played for
money. A good fight has been made. and
has succeeded not only in the East,
where these matters have been under
discussion for very long time, but also
in the South and West, which have come
~ liiC iiohl III dlLlSllc competitions So
rsTGdly that no time had been given to
prevent these abuses.-Charles D. La
nier, in Review of Reviews for July.
AN AMERICAN YARN.
One of our American contemporaries
explodes the remarkable stories which
have been in circulation respecting the
armless sportsman of New Jersey,
where strange things with rod and gun
had attracted a good deal of wonder
ment in sporting circles. When fishing
this strange being was said to hold the
fishing rod under his armpit, allowing
enough of it to project behind to balance
it. He baited the hook with his mouth,
and his only trouble was when the
hook accidentally became fastened in
his clothes. In shooting he placed the
gun at his shoulder by means of the
hook attached to the stump of his right
arm. Within reach of his mouth when
the gun was in position were two strings
fastened to the triggers. Taking one in
his mouth and jerking his head back at
the proper juncture, he discharged the
gun. He was gazetted as a, good shot,
often killing rabbits at sixty yards. He
loaded his gun, drove the powder home
with a ramrod (Which he forced with his
elbow and Withdrew with the hook, load
ing with great precision and dispatch. So
remarkable We're his performances that
Forest and Stream" desired to inter-
view him. but he was nowhere to be
found. The Postmaster of the town
where he was said to live knew him