The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-08-01
NE WAS B.A-A.D,
This Man From the ella. But He. Could Nos
Fool the Sheriff.

This Man From the ella, But He Could NOS
Fool the Sheriff.
Three or four of US were sitting on
the steps of the Jail building, which
faced the principal street of the fron@
tier town, and the sheriff was telling
us about n chase he had after a muir
derer. when n rnw-boned man, mount
ed on a raw-boned mule, rode up ana
dismounted directly in front OF us.
II am the bad man from the ella
riverI When I'm let alone l am as
tender-hearted and peaceful as a little
baby, and anybody kin borrow my
guns or take off my butes. But when
I'm riled-oh! great guns! when I'm
riled thar's no more holding me back
than trying to stop a OF lo,ooo
steers! Whoop! Vaughn"
"Is there going to be a row here
asked one of the crowd to the sheriff.
"Oh, no. he replied, with a glance
at the man and went on with his
story. A minute later the man in the
street pulled off his coat and jumped
in and yelled:
The ella is full of alligators and liz
ards, but l swan it every morningl
The water is pizen fer wolves and pam
theirs. but l { drink it by the gallon! My
father was a poor man, but he left me
this yere knife which had bled a dozen
buffers. My mother couldn't read nor
write, but she brung me up to fear
nothin' on the face of the earth
Whoopl Whar's the critter-the COW
ardly, thievin', lynn sarpent-who put
tar on my left ear while I siept?"
That mans d~angerousl" / said to
the sheriff. as / looked around for a
place of safety.
"Oh, no, he isn't" he replied, not
even looking toward him; and again
he continued his interrupted narrative.
He had talked about half a minute
when the bad man pulled off his vest
and the handkerchief aroun his neck
and flung them on the pile and shouted:
"Waughl Whoop! They put rattle
snakes in my bed, but 1 slept on like a
babyl They put centipedes in my hat,
but the critters dasn't bite! The light
ming tore up the earth all around me-
Blu. i wasn't hitl / cum down the left
bank of the Gila on a thunderbolt, but
l was feelin' go~od-natured and
wouldn't hev hurt a fly. A boy could
hev led me by the nose till l found this
tar on my ear. Who dun itP Let the
critter stand forth and meet his doom.
Hes certainly getting ready to
shootr' / said to the sheriff, land We'll
be his first targetsr"
''Oh. 1 guess not" calmly replied the
official. Did you say you saw the ao'
count of my adventure in the Ctncin'
natl papers?"
Before l could answer him the bao
man drew two guns, jumped up and
down and yelled "Waughr' and Their
added:
"Hev 1 got to k:..i and bury this hull
town to find the critter who tarred my
sar2 Won't he step forthP Won't he
be SO kind and condescendin' and ever
lastingly good as to a me for thu
millionth part of a second? I'm sui
ferin'. I'm in pain. II l can't find ths
human hyena who reached under thu
wagon with tar on a stick"
The sheriff got up and walked Owe
to him. He too the gun out OF hi
right hand and flung it down, and h
took the gun out of his left hand an
tossed IL after the other. Then h
grabbed the bad man by the shoulder
wheeled him around, give him a lift
with his knee and said:
Now, yo' go off and sleep som
sense into yo' head, or III use yo' 10
a club to hit hogsr"
The pad man went. He didn't evel
look back. The official picked up tn
pieces of clothing and guns, tucke'
them under his arm and came over t
us. and as he sat down he said:
Now, then, if some other fool-cri'
ter don't come along I'll get throug
with my story and we'll go and have
drinkp'-Detroit Free Press.