The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-08-08

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Virtue of Fat Man as Cushion.
s'Gan9 sa.' saad President Toots as he
Rapped the club to order, ''yo' am all awar'
OF dc faek dat dis am q combtnashuR club
poker an bike mixed IN about equal
quantities. Oar am rules to govern each,
howeber, an It won't do to git 'em mixed
up. Fur dis reason I hev drawed of an
had printed de rules applyin to each. De
rules to govern when out on de bike am as
follows:
t'Sit erect, wild eyes to de 'front.' an de-
earmined look on de face
don t atterupt to pass between de hoases
an de dashbO'a Of a street kyar.
'Pay no attensshHn to briekbats, ash
cans, cabbage heads an fence rails thrown
arbar 20 by de enivous an jealous minded
populashun-
kin, bat when 70 can't avoid it pick out a
fat man an pull de throttle wide open. A
fat pusson allus acts as a cushion fur de
rebound.
sDe gineral rule am to keep to de right,
but if dar am q house In de way don't be
obstinate.
when two bikests am about to meet
head on, dar am two rules to apply. Yo'
kin either jump OF an go into de highest
saloon an take a mint julip frew a straw,
or keep right on an knock de oGder felier
fo'teen feet high an smash him all to
squash.
IF yo' meet a COW when ridin in de
kentry, 20 kin turn to de right or de left
or go right ober her, jest SIS yO' please. If
it happens to be de cows brudder, stead
of de cow herself de rule am to dismount
an climb tree an wait for him to git tired
''When 20 look ahead Hp a hill an see a
farmer an his two sons wRittn fur 20
armed with scythes, con cutters an sled
stakes, de rule don't say zactly what yo'
should do. Dis gives 20 show to turn
Of into de weeds an look for chestnuts.
lone quick, sharp ring OBJ de bell means
danger to a beer wagon if it don't git outer
20 way.
"Two rings am a summons fur de street
kyar to shet OF steam al cum to 3 sudden
stop an let yO' pass in front of it.
''Three rings means dat de Teller crOssin
dc street wild his hat Ca his ear an his feet
steppin high am Fight in line wild yo'r
wheel, an ii he don't gis up an hump his
self he viii be invited to surprise pa 'ty.
"a continues ding dingi dingl dingl
of de bell, accompanied by wRvin Of dc
left hand In dc air, signifies dat 20 has
got tired of Pidin in de street am gwine
to talzo to dG sidewalk, an dat it will be
jest as well fur de enthusiastic populA-
shun to hunt fur doahwRys-"
The president announced that he hoped
to soon perfect the following improvements
to the bicycle:
An attachment which viii lift mans
cap off his head when he meets female
and replace it again after she has passed
on. It will make no distinction between
honnely and good looking girls, and there
will be no color line about 1t
An attachment TO casts a moose over
dogs head and swing him in behind the
bike. When he has been dragged 100 rods
and has made up his uiRd that It is alive
and dangerors, the nooso opens, and he is
allowed to go on suspended sentence.
An attach 4ent to held and operate
squirt gun containing at least enc gallon
Of water. This Is fer offensive and defen-
sive operations against the email boy who
wants to snoye q brosmstick between the
spolzos to see how quick bike csn stop.
An attachments to be fastened to tho
front wheel which win go ahead and look
for taoks and pounded glass, pick up lost
wallets and diamond pins, and sound the
depths Of all naudholes not over ten feet
deep.
'5Gen1 len, - said President Toots as he
laid q box Of peker chips on the table,
"dar am Pol y an poker. DRr am poker
whar flush beats straight, an poker
whar q straight beats a flush an FObs de
wilder an de orphan. has played poker
whar three jacks knocked out q fun house,
4
seOoped in a SO pot ober TO- aces. We
must hev sartin rules an stick to 'em, an
dem rules viii 40 as follows:
DE value IF de hand VII be aco high,
one par, two pairs, flush, threes, straight
full house, fours an royal flush
de man vino stands pat can bluff de
man wild TO- aces If he wants to, but If he
gifts busted all to squash OATS his own
lookout
Oar will be no limit as to bets Dis
will enable pore but respectable young
man who MY hold royal dEsh to rake
in house an lot an bushel of jewelry at
one swipe.
''An queshuns In dispute to be left to
committee of three an should any mem
Der of dat committee be found wild three
kings up his sleeve or 70 aces down his
bootleg excuses won't 60 an previous good
character won't count fur shucks."
ID. QUAD.