Kansas City daily journal., 1896-08-20
NAspr,s VIEWS on SILVER.
Famous War Time HUmOrfst Writes
ON the Money Question.

Famous War Time HumOrist Writes
ON the Money Question.
| Petroleum V. Nasty in 1878.
| Confederit Y Roads (wich is in the state
| of Kentucky. Jan. 22 1S7s.-I amt so GER
| tin that want the silver bill to pass ez
| was. The fact is, the thing don't work eZ
l sposed it wood, and j amt clear onto it.
| There is suttle principles in these finan-
| shell questions wich requires great deei
| NV thought, and there is underlying princi-
! Piles wich a man has got to understand be-
! fore he is competent to set hisself up eZ
| authority.
| One thing I'm certin wv. Bascom amt
no finanseer, nor never will be, and toio
| him so.
wat is a ffnanseer?" asked he.
| "A fnanseer." sed i, assooming the look
| NV Dan'l Webster. lis man wich kin pay
| his debts with nothin'-a man wich kin git
| suthin' with noihin'."
| The Corners, then, is full of finanseers,
| he reInark;. bitterly castin a casual glance
at his slate, wch WIZ jist full enough to
| turn over and begin on tother side.
| But he hezn't any NV the science NY it
| I wuz argooing with him the other day in
| favor NV my noshun Nv a leather currency,
| though l told him silver wuz much the
same thing. and, for example, l would as
SOON that silver wuz to be the currency Nv
| the fucher.
he'd twict ez much money. l Good drink
twict ez much whisky and pay for it?''
How much is twice nothin'?" WIZ the
! unfeelin' anser Nv the tyrant who holds
the destin;es NV the Corners in his hands.
That's wat yoor capitle hez bin ever since
l knowd yoo.'
"Parson," sed he, 81 don't see wat erthly
difference it's going to make whether sill
yer is currency, or anything else. How are
yoo goin' to git silver eff it is made legal
tender? Eff silver wuZ eZ plenty as prlckS,
wat hev you got to git any NV it with!
"Troo, G. W. wuz my anser; but can't
you see that to hev silver wood relieve the
dettor class? Even now. afore it Is legal
tender it's only wuth 81 cents On the dol
lar. and when the country is floodid with
it it will so still lower. Then we-or rather
sich Nv us as hev property to raise money
on-kin pay Off
"Egssactly So" retorts Bascom; 'yoo kin
| pay me for the good, honist likker NV mine'
witch yoo fev consumed, in coin wich Is less
than the dollar yoo promised. All rite But
look here--come in here. all NV yoo. L
want WOO silver men to know exactly wat
yoo are rushin' into.''
And this feend led us into the back room
that back room wich contanes the SUP
sstence NV the Corners. There, in long
. rows. wuz Bascoms stock. There, in bar
} rils, piled one on top Wv another, wuz the
deliShuS WHISKY NV lSoulSNliIe, Nv
ages ranging from that NV two weeks oid
to that wch had jist left the still and wuz
scarcely cold yit. There it lay, and ez my
eye ranged affeckshunately over 1t. l feit
eff 1 Good hev the drinkin' NV all that Tx
ker wood be content to lay down and die
when the last drop WIZ gone.
Bascom pinted to an immense tank wich
he'd bin erected within a few days with a
, pipe running in from the roof.
| chnp aiSaf the prirp likker in con-
sekence NV bein' paid for it in deprecated
, | currency." sed he.
1 fell on Bascom's neck in an extacy NV
| delite while the others shouted "'Rah foI
, | Bascom.'
, "G W." remarkt. while teers suffocsed
, my eyes. II never placed yoo much belo"
the angels, but this generous act hez MIST
ed yoo hundred per cent in my estima
shun. Bless yoo, G. W., bless yoo."
but I'll tell yoo wat shell do. Do yot
see that tank?" sed he.
May 1 ask wat that is for?" 1 sed
= THAT tank will fill with rane water,
sed he. 1.-The moment yoo git to payin me
: in silver, I shell take out NV eech NV then
barrils jist eggsactly three and one-fftf
Q gallons NV likker and fill it with water"
y '.Merciful hevings-' We all exclaimed
L "and poor lillker so weak now!'
It "And when silver gifts down to % cent:
s on the dollar / shell take out % per cent u'
3 whisky and fill it up with % per cent u'
y water, and so on down. Eff silver goes NJ
g 1 shell add whisky eggsackly in proporshen
v In short, my whisky is jist agoin to foile
e currency, and nothin' shorter. Yoo feller:
l, wich work for wagis may SWEET. but
o won't"
: But yoo'n increase the size Nv you
glasses" sed /.
n Not eny But 700 may drink twice e.
:. many times to git the same amount "
J. drunk ez before. by payin' for. each drink
:, And Bascom stalked hawtily back ant
took his posishen behind the bar.
= Their wuz consternashun in the Corner
- sich eZ l hev never seen. Their wuz hur
. | ried consultashun at the deekin's hous
and l sejested that We emancipate our
> selves from the dominyun NV this tyran
by startin' a grosery NV our own. on tn
I joint stock principle, which WIZ agreed to
D. each man agreein' to contribbit $40 to tn
u capitle stock, which wood be enuff to bu.
n a bari or two. for Il beginnin'.
J. We wuz enthusiastic till we come t
s. ballotin' for the man to keep the place
when it WIZ found instid NV my bein
o chosen, yoonanimusly. ez l egSspeckted t
v be, that every man had votid for hisselt
n | Ez not a soul them wood recede. tn
i skeem wuz blocked rite there. and finall
"a he'd to be abandoned and we went back I
~ Bascom's and submittid. That tyrant he
= us.
Wv course we can't stand likker diloote
:. | in that manner. We are wiliin to diloo
- the currency with which to pay for likker
- but we want our likker full strength. w
= coodent help ii. but that mite we signed an
= sent to our representative remonstranc
III aC'in the silver bill. The Corners Is nov
- for a honist currency. Wood, . wood. tina
we he'd some NV it.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY. Finanseer.
Held lin His Finger and Hesitnted.
,p From the Cleveland Leader.
m William Jennings Bryan has hesitatet
y He hesitated yesterday. His hesitation oc
4 Cured during the delivery of shoI
ar speech at Poughkeepsie. n. Y. Somebod
a in his audience asked him: How are 20
IN for the workingmen?
to Mr.. Bryan could not reply at once. Th
~ boy orator was forced to pause and collet
,s his thoughts. The dispatches tell us tha
, | his index finger was poised in the a
~ while he waited but he did not answer tn