The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-06-04
Bald Justice.

Bald Justice.
A Virginia judge has handed down a de-
cision that viii be unanimously endorsed
by badheaded men throughout the coun-
try, Notwithstanding it may have the eff
feet of greatly reducing activity in the
hair tonic trade in Virginia if it should
be held to be good law by the higher
courts. 1t appears that the manufacturer
of a certain hair tonic represented his pro-
duct to be of such extraordinary virtue
that it would almost make hair grow on
door knob, while in the matter of bring
ing forth new and beautiful growth of
hair on bald heads, it was infanible. Along
with each bottle went a guarantee of no
hair, no pay. Upon the strength of the
manufacturer recommendation, and the
guarantee, a druggist at Accomac court
house laid in a stock of the infallible hair
tonic, and advised all of the bald heads
in town to be bald no longer.
The bald heads of Accomac, like those
of every other section under the sun, were
on the lookout for something just like the
preparation the druggist said he had. For
years these sons of Eve had been longing
to hide their nakedness. hence they did
not wait for a second invitation to provide
themselves with a means to silky and am
brosial locks They took the tonic and la
bored faithfully with it, For days and
weeks they mopped and rubbed and bathed
and polished their pates with the tonic.
only to find at the end of the time that
their domes of thought had merely been
refurbished If the heads were bald at the
beginning they were polished and glis-
tening at the conclusion of the treatment.
Quite naturally with the guarantee OF
the manufacturer and the druggist in
mind, the bald heads refused to pay for
the stuff. And the druggist quite as nat
urally, refused to pay the manufacturer
1t had been a good faith transaction on the
part of the druggists and his customers
| on what slight foundations some men
place their faithl-whatever it may have
been on the part of the manufacturer. The
upshot was that the manufacturer sued
the druggist for his bill, and the case went
to court The guarantee was put up by the
| defense as exhibit No. /, and the bald
| heads We're put up as exhibit No. to
prove that the guarantee had been for
| feited. The evidence for the defense was
unanswerable, and the judge ruled in favor
of the ba!dheaded men and the druggist;
since there was no hair there was to be
no pay.
| 1t is understood. however, that in so far
as the bald headed men are concerned.
! that they are doing business at the same
! old stand, and are ready to try the next
hair tonic that is recommended to them.
When Eric the Red was grand master
! of the seas. and the vikings were cruis-
ing around to see what they might pick
! up. their craft were propelled by identi-
caly the same kind of mechanism that is
now employed by the ribbon counter
! clerk AT the lakeside resort when he
taxes his lady love out for a moonlight
boat ride The oars Of the Norsmen were
| somewhat heavier and clumsier than are
| those of Willie Boy. But the principle is
the same. Gigantic strides have been
taken in the propulsion of great vessels.
but the lone fsherman's boat and the
small boat of the summer young man are
| coulpeHeu 20 get along just as similar
boats did hundreds of years ago.
Launches now go by steam. naphtha and
electricity, it is true. But they are for
the very well to do only. The poor man
must tug at the oars and lacerate his
hands just as he has been doing since
the time whereof the memory of man
runneth not to the contrary Some genius
| oupbt IN invent n foot ,,orrar oro.,. r.
boats that would leave the arms of VIII
lie Boy and the lone fisherman free for
other business than rowing.
Bang the loud Tom-Tom! Kill the fatted
calf! Make the welkin ring with glad huz-
czars! Let Lodge and Chandler do