The Monitor-register., 1896-09-25
A LITTLE FUN.

rous. Do not people often get
drowned in this bay?"
Waterman-"No, indeed, num-; the
sharks never let's anybody dro MP
It'd Bits.
Nv
"Father, said little Pstsey O'Bfyap,
buy me An orange"
"Phwat?" cried O'Bryan. "a bye of
askiu' for an orange? Niver."
Ppm so found of fruit" said the boy.
"Thot's all roight," returned O'Bryan,
we can how all ye want of it; but re'uim
ye're an O'Bryau, Patsey, and sthick
o Crane spples,"-Harper's Bazaar.
**x
Ethel-"How down in the mouth
Willy Sappleigh must feel"
Maude-''Why!
Ethel-'I saw him trying to bite his
noustache "-New York Press
~
She-'I don't see how you ever came
20 propose to me in the first place, if / am
80 utterly distasteful to you. gave you
no encouragement"
"He-"Oh yes you did. You turned
the gas down so low that 1 could not
see your face. "-HdianapOlis Journal.
NY
'Pspa, what do base ball men do in
the winter"
sSwap lies about what they did in the
summer ."-Detroit Free Press.
~
II say. do you think that Virgins is a
man to be trusted?"
''Trusted? Yes; rather. I'd trust him
with my life"
"Yes, but with anything of value, 1
mean. "-Boston Globe.
x*x
st. Peter-"Haltl'
New S~pirit-"Can't l come IMP"
St. Peter-"I'd rather you wouldn't.
You are just out Of college. and We don't
want any advice about running the uni
verse. "-Neo York Weekly.
~
Teacher-Wbat great event occurred
on the Fourth of July?
Scholar--Columbus discovered America .
Teacher-NoDsense.
Scholar Gin surprise)-He didn't?
Teaeher-Of course not.
Scholar-Well, then, who did DE
h0it Free Press.
Lady Finebealth Cat botel entrsnce)-
'No; 1 have no money to spare for you.
l don't see why an ~able-bodied man like
You should go around begging!'
Lazy ~Tramp-'1 s'pose, mum, it's fer
about the same reason that a healthy
woman like you boards at a hotel instead
of keepin' house."-N. Y. Weekly.
x*x
SLOW old is your baby, madam?
"Just 10 months"
"Does she walk ?"
"Once in a while she staggers a few
steps. SIR"
"Bem! takes after her fail er. Can
she talk ?"
"She jabbers all the time, sir"
"Hem! takes after her MOTHER
Cle0elGnd Plain Dealer.
Nv
"Poor Dick is gone! He was a devoted
cyclist, wasn't he ?"
Twas inaood H. l.ff ,u;lI okoks-,
that he was to be cremated and used to
help out u new oinder path. Louis
ollie Courier Journal.
Nv
"Pretty good joke on SIMPLIFY"
What was it ?"
"He sent 81 to an advertiser for a
patent pocket fire.escape and received in
return a twenty gent copy of the New
Testament. "-Judge.
x*x
Mrs. Rocks-'Where is the Count,
Gladys ?"
Gladys-''In pas study. think shey
are discussing the money question" p
Cincinnati Enquirer.
*~x
Sad Case-"I nave been here for three
days." said the stranger impressively.
Eyes, suh," said the landlord of the
Georgia village tavern.
"And l did have a notion of investing
and settlinging down here, but if that
COMPOUNDED fellow in the house across
the way can't be induced to stop playing
If You Love Me, Tell Me So on the
cornet, l am going to some other town"
"Mister," said the landlord, "when l
tell you who the poor fellow is, mehbe
you won't blame him so much. That
there is Tom Watson. "-ndtanapolis
Journal.
x*
An Honest Mans Observation-Disclosures"
he said, 81 am a book agent. l nave
here"-
"Come into the parlor and sit down."
she said. "Wheu 1 see a book agent who