Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-09-03
THE SPINNING WHEEL

indefinite variety. AS long as .'tisis" is
spelled 'sphthisis" the voice of the spell
ing reformer must be heard in the
land. Mr.. Turner in the following Incl
dent, in view of our present method of
spelling, was entirely consistent:
Dobbs met his friend Turner on the
train. They were both going to London
and stopped at the same hotel. Turner
registered his name:
ssE. *. Phtholognyrrh.
Dobbs, noticing it, exclaimed:
Here, what are you assuming such q
foreign, outlandish name for? Are you
in any trouble ~
mot bit of it." replied Turner, s'and
| am not assuming any foreign name"
What kind of name is thaty, de-
That is my identical old name," per-
sisted Turner, ''and it is English, too
pronounced plainly, Turner"
Il can't see how you make Turner
out of those thirteen letters; BESIDES
what is your object in spelling that
wayy asked Dobbs.
Well, you see, nobody ever noticed
my name on the register when wrote
it, Turner exclaimed the latter.
"but since / commenced writing it
autobiography | set them all guessing.
They wonder what nation I am from;
what my name is. / can now hear peo-
pie talk about me all around. 1t is, as
l said before, English spelling. 'Phth,
there is the sound of t. in 'phthisis::'
'olo,' there is the .ur' in 'colonel;' sgn,'
there is the sound of m in sgnat;' syrrh,
is the sound of 'er' in 'myrrh.' Now, if
that doesn't spell Turner what does it
spell?' It'd Bits.
Half the time the child cries he wants
fresh air or fresh water. Wiping the
lips of a crying child with cool water will
often sooth and refresh him.-The
American.
Probably one of the neatest bits Of
sharp bargaining ever enacted, says
Harper's, took place not long ago be-
tween an apparently ignorant German
with an abundance of wealth and
sharp dealer in horses. The German
wanted a days outing and decided that
and applied to the horse dealer for the
hire of his best horse and trap. The
dealer, not knowing the applicant, de-
INJURED at supplying his wants. The
German, determined to have his ride,
finally pulled out huge roll of bills and
offered to buy the horse and rig, provid-
ed the dealer would buy them back at
the same price. This surprised the deal
er, but not wishing to offend the owner
OF SO much ready money and possibly a
good future customer, he agreed to the
horse and rig, and at the end Of the day
returned them in good condition, eH-
pressing his satisfaction at the pleasure
the drive had afforded him. The dealer,
according to the agreement, paid him
back the money, and the German started
to leave the place. II beg your pardon,
SIR exclaimed the dealer, shut you
have forgotten to pay for the hire, you
now" ''Pay for the hire? Why, my
dear sir" coolly replied the German, 81
have been driving my own horse and
trap all day, and, now you have bought
them back, they are yours. There was
no hiring about the matter. Good day,
SIR" And he left the astonished dealer
to reflect.
An amusing story is told of the late
Bishop of Colchester.
One day he was having tea with lady
friend; the cakes were handed to him,
but he said:
mo, thank you"
s'They are homemade, my lord," said
the hostess
The bishop put on his eyeglass, and ex-
amined them. After short time, he
said:
so see. No, thank you.n
The examiner wished to get the chill
dren to express moral reprobation of
lazy people, and he led up to it by ask
ing them who We're the persons who got
all they could and did nothing in return.
Fer some time there was silence, but at
last little girl who had obviously rea-
soned out the answer inductively from
her own home experience, exclaimed
with a good deal of confidence: ''Please,
sir, it's the baby" Boston Transcript
WOMAN.
Time works a strange distraction
In the object of her zeal;
She's forgot to want the ballot
Since she learned to ride the wheel
Washington Star.
Dukane-s"The college which will at
tract the most attention this year does
not possess football team" GasweIl
oh, nonsense" cts fact"
sWhat college do you refer top s"The
Electoral college. "-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
whats the trouble. John?'' ssWhy,
sir, here's note from Mr.. Mahlstick, in
which he tells me that he is off on little
trip and he wants me to send his draw
ing materials along" well, and isn't
that plain enough?' Hardly, sir. /
uOu luluk you KNOW MT. Md0lSglCk. i
don't know whether to send his paints
and brushes or only corkscreW- -Bos-
ton Transcript.
A well-known divine one day found
among his numerous letters commune
cation bearing the single word '.Fool.'
So far from feeling annoyed at the dis
coyery, he simply observed to a friend
who CHANGED to be in the rooan with
him at the time, II have had a large
experience of anonymous correspondents,
but this is the first instance in which
the writer has signed his name, but has
omitted the letter.
"Have you got it on you yete' asked
little Petey of his sisters bestest best.
''W-w-what?" inquired the three-night
a-week beau. why, move. Sister
said the other night she wished you'd
hurry up and get move on YOU
Philadelphia North American
Up in the Highlands, even yet. tsthe
last rites and ceremonies are looked
upon as an excellent excuse for copious
refreshment.
An Inverness-shire farmer and his man
were both invited to a funeral. Both,
however, could not go, SO the farmer
said to his man:
flock, I'll be gam doom to the burial
tho day Inf TIL laf va auas thn ,,,rrr,. 6