Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-02-16


must And. what salaries they earn. About
this time, when their fathers make them
pay for their own board and clothes,
they settle down. and their spirit - fer
ever curbed. Let me draw the curtain
on The weddings that follow the various
transformations, for here The data TO
be collectedsgets almost Overwhelmingly
burdensome. Oh, oh, oh. how busy II
keeps me-this thing Of finding out lust
what my neighbors are doing, especially
when the duty embraces those facts
which my friends are specially anxious
for me not TO know. But Scripture says:
Love tiny neighbor as thyself."
In my school Gays I was an expert
manipulation OF the verb Ito be-" and
could parse like teachers son. but
there's one question in the personal pro-
noun department Of grammar that has
never yet been clarified to me. That
question is: What pronoun must / apply
10 babiesy i mean babies In the squshy
state, before they begin to wear pants
or other garments calculated to denote
their sex. Many years ago, when as a
feverish aspirant for honors connected
with the Office OF justice OF the peace. i
canyassed my magisterial district, this
Ignorance caused me series inconvenience,
whc.mlng defeat by the doctor During
this campaign II was my custom to caress
with my horny corn-shelers the fuzzy
cocoanuts OF my infantile constituents,
ana 10 utter pleasant, Jocose words to
these young sprouts. To their mas and
pas | would rapturously say: Now. isn't
he lovely little fellow" whereupon
the ma, in tones Of cunning scorn. would
reply: Yes; Mary is q dear little girl"
Then I'm desperation, / would hurry on
TO the next infant. and. inserting my
Ialatable thumb into the suction-pOwer
mouth OF the cherIb, | would enthusiastic
caily murmur unto its parents: What a
dear, petty little grl-so much like its
ma" too" Whereupon the father. In
gruff tones, would reply: Every one
tells me that Charles Augustus Is the
very image Of me" II was always thus.
AMI the hes" / chucked under the chlns
invariably turned out to be "she's". and
vice versa. Each time | caused a family
icud against me. BY and by. after my
enemies became legion. / adopted the
non-committal it as the proper infantile
pronoun. Even If the parents would say:
"liow do you Ike ny boy, John? /
would reply: ut Is fine And so. too. II
they spoke OF their little girl, / would
cautiously say: 1T is a lovely little
thing" But it was too late then. When
the snow-storm % ballots fell / was lost
In maze OF votes. and the doctor Won
but, on the techr'cality above alluded to.
The LEGISLATURE has been Investigating
the penitCntiary bill Of fare and the
menuistic wants OF the inmates Of that
popular institution. Some people think the
meals compare most untayorably with
those of a large uptown hotel here, but
be that as IT may, there Is one poor I'M
fortunate who would be glad 10 get them
again. He Is = youngster who was sent
20 the prison for some offence, but was
subsequently transferred to the Laurel
Reformatory by order of the Governor,
on account Of his youth. Recently Major
Lynn, the Superintendent, visited the re-
f0rmatory with a party Of official gentle
men, and made thorough inspection OF
the institution. He and all his ASSOC
ciates we're delighted with its working.
and at the frst glance everything appear
ed 20 be moving beautifully. On closer
inspection, however. ne esped a boy sit
ting at a table with tears rolling In
cumulative giObules down his checks. He
approached him. and 10! he recognized the
youth who had been moved from the
penitenuary. The Major asked what
was the matter, and the boy. in pltoous
tones, replied: Il want to come back TO
you. / don't like this place"
This incident recalls 20 my fertile brain
the story of the man who was appointed
superintendent OF one Of the United States
prisons. Upon assuming the duties Of
his office he had all the convicts as
sembled before him, and he started TO adj
dress them in the following language:
ladies and gentlemen" Then he paused.
for he recalled the fact that they wernt
ladies' and gentlemen. So he began again.
and this time, in ringing language. he
commenced: Fellow-citlzens." That
didn't go well. either, for he remembered
that convlcts wern't citizens, so he made
another effort "Convlcts." he said, at
last striking the keynote. 81 give you
notice now and for all time. you've got
TO behave yourselves while I am here.
If you don't I'll turn the last - one @
you Ut" II Major ICnn's experience IA
repea-ed i would suggest a similar Grafton
on his part. THE IDLE REPORTER.