davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bryan daily eagle. (Bryan, Tex.) 1895-1898, 1896-08-30
WIT. HUMoR AND SATIRE ORIG
INAL AND SELECTED.
lhe ORR aud the whesi-A Question 81
Iieht-Anothsr Removal Nesdsd-fa
tho IAEht OF Expsrisncs Where II
Connta


- There's a zest IA
plain existence
There's an added snap and vim.
when your toe Ia on the bottom
Aud you feel that you can swim;
but OF all the happy moments
That may come to you In life
Bar the one when Dulcinca
Says she'll be your "ownest" wife
Ia the one when from the paper
Where your contribution went,
Where experience had taught you
That you wouldn't get a cent.
Comes a letter. and as usual.
You expect Il I'm the neck"
but the envelope disgOrges
To your dazzled eyes a cheque.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
.rananese Want DOMESTIC Work.

Japanese, almost for the first time,
are advertising in New York for places
as house servants The Japanese pop
uiation in New York is extremely small
and it is composed in considerable part
of well-to-do young men, students and
others. Japanese lads have for many
years been employed as wardroom
servants on board some United States
men of war. There is a tradition in
the navy that the only way to obtain q
jap servant is through some other Jap
servant. Japs are strongly attracted
to this country, and It is said that some
who come out here as servants belong
to families Of good position at home.
Naval officers never tire OF praising
Japanese servants as seen aboard ship
and Id their native Japan. One officer
who kept house for time In Japan
declares that his Japanese major domo
could accomplish anything on amaz-
| ingly short notice. and whatever be n
llertook he did well.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
.waNrs THE TOOLS UNUSED
Railroads Invest Fortunes in Saws, Ham
mers and Axes.

From the Pittsburg Post: Not many
people are acquainted with the fact that
the Pennsylvania Railroad Company
and the Pennsylvania company togetn-
er are the owners of vast tool equip
ment which is entirely useless so far
as its owners are concerned, and what
is stranger still is the fact that they
never desire to see the tools in use and
are hoping that they will remain I'M
used forever. The equipment consists
of $500 saws, $500 sledge hammers and
$500 axes, all new and in first-class
condition. While what has been SAID
| above concerning this apparently use
less equipment may sound rather
strange. it can be best explained by
the simple statement that the tools are
for emergency purposes only, and are
kent for the use of trainmen or pas
sengers who may be called upon 10 ac'
in the capacity of rescuers in case OIL
catastrophe. This is why the companies
don't want the tools to be useu' anu
il explains the necessity for having
so much useless tool equipment. Wner
the manufacturers of cars are making
contracts with any railroad company
they are supposed to figure the cost u
such equipment in with cost OF manu-
featuring the cars.
All the coaches on the first-class lines
&c we'll as most of the second-clasS
lines Of the country have saw, nam
mer and ak and sometimes long stee
bar inclosed in a glass case, READY lol
immediate use in case of accident
leather bucket is also provided for eacl
car, which may be seen hanging up II
, a corner where it can be reached win
out delay. 1t was the use of tines
, buckets that saved the life of the Pitts
, burg and Lake Erie baggage maste
, who was pinioned under the wreck
t the flyer at Wampum last week. In
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
TRAITOR SHERMAN.
Republicans VIII Do Well to Keep This
Feb. Il, 1878

Republicans VIII Do Well to Keep This
Letter of His in Mind.
Treasury Department, July Is, 1875
Dear Sir: TO that part Of your let
ter of the 18th inst, ID which you
ask my views Of the matter c0nfded i'm
the monetary commission. ! have some
delicacy in replying very, fully. Dur
ing the monetary conference in Paris,
when silver in our country was exclud-
ed from circulation by being under
valued, I was strongly in favor OF the
single standard Of gold, and wrote q let
ter which you will find insthe proceed
ings Of the conference, stating briefly
my view. At thatstime the Wisest OF
us did not anticipate the sudden fall
of silver or the rise Of gold that has
occurred This uncertainty Of the rela-
ton between the two metals Is one 0f
the chief arguments in favorsof i mono-
metallic system, but other arguments.
showing the dangerous elect ssppn In
dagtfy by- dropping one u ting precious
metals from the standard Of value, out
weigh in my mind all theoretical OBJ
jections to the bimetallic system. :
am thoroughly convinced that II it
were possible for the leading CONNER
cial nations to fix by agreement an ar
bitrary relation between silver and
gold, even though the market valua
might vary somewhat from time to-
time, it would be a measure Of the
greatest good to all nations My earnest
desire is that you may succeed in doing
this.
/ You are so well informed upon this
subject that 1t is not worth while for
me to enlarge upon it, The statements
ana fioeeesanants sent you BY the direc-
tor Of the mint will give n = lis
form most OF the material facts which
bear upon the question, and your own
| investigation upon the silver commis-
sion will, am quite sure, supply any
deficiency. Very truly yours,
JOHN SHERMAN. IA,
/ Secretary.
| w. S. Grosbeck. ESQ. Cincinnati. q
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
II R47ARDss BaD BR RE Ak f5
1t Ia on Par with the Lrnacy OF til,
Gold Standard Advocates.

Gold Standard Advocates.
"The President stands in the midst
of a strong, self-confident and often
times violent people, men who desire
to have their own way, and who need
their way frequently obstructed. and |
tell you plainly it takes real man to
govern the people of the United States"
The above is one Of the statements
made by Mr.. Bayard recently in Eng
land, which has given so much umbrage
to Americans. Whether the language
il impeachable we are scarcely pre-
pared to say-but it is dangerously near
the line. BY the plainest impfrreasaa5s len
1t means that the people Of this conn-
try are incapable Of self-governnlent
and need man in the presidential
chair who can govern" them. That is
exactly what MIR Cleveland has been
trying to do In dealing with the money
question. He has paid no more atten-
ton to the laws Of congress than II they
had never been passed. The Sherman
law" provided as clearly as Language
can speak for the purchase at Its mar
ket price OF 4.5OO,0OO ounces Of silver
each month.
For several months before the repeal
only about one-haif Of the required
amount was purchased. The specious
pretense was that somebody had @eorn-
v
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13

flames from the burning debris were
creeping gradually coward the s II. injured
man when the other traiflmen and some
of the passengers quenched the fire
with water carried in the leather buck
cts. The tool equipment in coaches OF
the Pennsylvania railroad lines repre-
sents large outlay of money. lnclud-
ing the cost Of the case the outfit for a
single coach costs not less than So, and
as there are about $500 coaches on thf
entire system it can be easily calcu'
lated that the total expense amounts
to more than $780,
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
TRAITOR CARLISLE.
Democrats Should Keep This Letters OF
His in Mind.
Queen.


His in Mind.
I shall not enter into an examination
of the causes which have combined 10
depreciate the relative value OF silver.
and to appreciate the value of gold
since 1873, but I am one Of those VINO
believe that they are transient and
temporary in their nature, and that
when they have passed away or haVs
been removed by the separate or united
actions of the nations most deeply IN
terested in the subject, the ratio Of ae-
tual and relative value will be re-estab-
lished on a firmer foundation tnan
ever, I know that the worlds stock OF
precious metals is none too large, ana r.
see no reason to apprehend that 1t Will
! ever become So Mankind will be for
tunate, indeed, if the annual produc-
ton of gold and silver coin shall keep
pace with the annual increase OF popu-
lation, commerce and industry. Ac-
cording to my view on the subject, the
conspiracy which seems to have Deen
formed here and in Europe to destroy
by legislation and otherwise from
three-sevenths to one-half the metallic
money of the world is the most glgan-
tic crime of this or any other age.
The consummation of such scheme
would ultimately entail more misery
upon the human raSe tndlI srr.est~ + Il s~~' ans
pestilence and famine that ever oc
Cured in the history of the world. I'M
absolute and instantaneous destruction
of half the movable property OF th'
world, including horses, ships, ran
!, roads and all other appliances for car
;. rying on commerce, while it would b.
+ felt more sensibly at the moment
a would not produce anything like Tn
r prolonged distress and disorganizatiol
of society that must inevitably resui
q from the permanent humiliation Q
one-half of the metallic money OF tn
@ world.
y JOHN G CARLISLE.
a Feb. q, 1873.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13

sian Brewer. was missionary to the
Greeks in Asia Minor. The boy was
brought to America early and was edu-
Gated in this country. He was gradu-
ated with honors at Yale in 1856, and
after a course at the Albany law school
went to the territory Of Kansas and be-
gan the practice of his profession. he
was first elected judge in 1862, soon
after the admission of the state. 1t was
a decision while judge of the supreme
court mat brought Justice Brewer into
national prominence. In a case that
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
view so as to establish and maintain 3

view so as to establish and maintain Q
parity between the two metals.
Mr.. Cleveland has also coolly act the
law at defiance by refusing to pay gov
eminent obligations in silver, borrow
ing gold instead, and increasing the in
terest-bearing debt of people already
staggering under load too heavy for
them to bear.
It is scarcely necessary to say that
Mr.. Bayard is a sound money" man
Of the most pronounced type.
Show us a man anywhere who thinks
the American people need real man"
to govern them and We win show you
a devotee of the English gold standard.
Mr.. Bayard should not only resign, but
he should permanently d0micile himself
in the dominions of Her Majesty the
/ Queen.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13

yagements at Fort Fisher and other
rehei batteries at the mouth OF the cape
Fear River. After these events he was
transferred to the Pawnee and subse-
ouently to the Catskill. On Jan. 10,
1863. Lieutenant Bunce was commits
stoned lieutenant commander and in
trusted with the command OF the Die
tator and subsequently the ironclad
Monadnock. In the assault and cap
ture of Morris Island July, 1868, he had
command of one of the boats employed
in landing troops on Folly Island,
which was SO successfully accomplished
chat the army was in a great measure
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
course, secret mis-

sion. 1t Is not known what questions
were considered during the conference,
but the impression among those IN
touch with high officials is that the ad-
miral wanted oral instructions as to
his operations in the Caribbean Sea in
regard to Venezuela. The conference
was at his own request, which implies
that he had some important informa-
ton to impart as we'll as desire to re-
ceive such directions as it is desirable
to be possessed Of Admiral Bunce is
a native of Connecticut and entered the
naval academy May %, 1852, gradual
ing in 1857. On leaving the academy
he was assigned to the sloop German
town, of the East India squadron, where
he served two years and was then
transferred to the sloop Macedonia. In
April, 1861, he was commissioned lieu
tenant and assigned to the Penobscot,
on the North Atlantic blockading sta
ton, and in the early period of the
war participated in skirmishes at York
town and Gloucester. and in 1862 in en-
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13

came before him in 1883 he held the an
sfi-railway laws enacted by the state
legislature to be unconstitutional.
When Harrison organized his cabinet
he had a strong disposition to hand
out one of the portfolios to Judge Brew
er, and late in the year made the Kan
sas man justice.
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
JUSTICE BREWER.

Has Lately Become Prominent IN LON
nsction with Venezuelan Commission
Justice David Josiah Brewer occu-
pied a seat OF the bench of the inferior
and supreme courts of Kansas al
most continuously from 1852 until 1884,
when he was appointed to the United
States circuit court judgeship. In 1889
he was elevated to the supreme bench.
Judge Brewer is 81 years old and has
been Judge for thirty-one years. He
was born in Smyrna. His father, Jo-
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13
REAR ADMIRAL BUNCE
MAN WHO COMMANDS OUR
CARIBBEAN SEA FLEET.
He Recently Had a Secret Conference
with the President-He Bears Sealed
Orders with the American Squadron
to Venezuela.

EAR ADMIRAL
Francis M. Bunce,
Of the United States
navy, commanding
the North Atlantic
squadron, is one Of
the veterans of the
service. He was
lately called to the
capt. al on a
hasty, and, OF
-@N~ot ~ &c
Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-02-13

Thaaa Wz0 love EHFIAl NIil b. sure =
IND ! ~ i shaw IT, Raza'a Horn.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14
Tie PeskY ROuse Ely.

The head OF our fly is very pretty
object The greater part Is occupied
by two large reddish brown hemi-
spheres, one on each side, says the
Chambers's journal. These are the
compound eyes and each OF them con-
sists of several thousand separate hex
agonal lenses, arranged so as to cause
an appearance under the microscope
OF an engine turning on the back OF u
watch. Between these compound eyes,
and quite on the top of the head, are
trio of small, clear dots, arranged in
triangle, like set jewels. These are
the simple eyes, and their exact pur-
pose does not seem to be thoroughly
understood. In front of the head are
the antennae, or feelers, and each con-
slsts of three joints, with feathered
bristle arising from the back of the
last Joint. This bristle is an important
aid in the identification OF the differ
emit speeios of flies, IN some kinds be-
ing quite simple, and in others beau
tifully plumed or feathered, as in the
common species now occupying our
attention.
Below the head of the fly may be
seen projecting the long, thick tongue
or proboscis, which is very wonder
full structure. We have only space to
say very little about this organ; to
describe it fully would occupy more
than the whole space devoted to our
present article. 1t is "A true sucker,
but a very complicated one, made up
of several pieces, united so as to form
tube, which not only serves for the
conveyance of the fluid food to the
mouth, but also for the passage of
saliva from the mouth in order to
moisten and dissolve particles of the
substance upon which the fly is feed
ing. At the top of the proboscis are
to be found hardened rings, which aid
in triturating the food.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14
How Dogs Are Stunted

This is an era of tiny dogs in Eng
lish society. The more diminutive a
parcel of canine flesh that YOU can
possess the more are you swell. But.
alas how many feminine readers who
delight in the miniature doggies know
that they are an artificial product.
There is in London an establish.
ment devoted entirely to the stunning
of the animals. The proprietor is an
ex-breeder of fighting dog, hut he finds
now more profit in rearing the lilipu-
tian CANNES, for which he has wide
reputation. He does not claim to be
the originator of the process, for he
says that all dog men know of the
dwaring powers of alcohol, but he as.
serts that he is the only man in Lon
don to adopt the principle systematic
ally.
His method is as follows: The pup
destined to be stunted is taken from
It's mother when few hours old, and
when 1t begins to whine for sustenance
1T is fed with warm decoction of gin
and water. Deprived of milk, it taxi s
to this readily. When it reaches a
certain age alcohol in various forms
constitutes the animals sole diet.
The pups do not die, nor do thew
develop. They soon cease to grow at
all. After generation or two of mat
ing, the much-prized liliputian canine
is obtained. Toledo Blade.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14
POPULAR SCIENCE.


DIR. Baufe. OF Paris, has discovered
thu bacillus Of lsprosy N the blood, ~
well us ~ the Tissues.
Tho great scheme Of a ship canal
from the Bay OF Biscay to the Medi-
terrausau has received its quletns.
The French commission reported that
II is impracticable.
Thomas Morris, addressing the Stat.
fordshire England iron aud steel
managers, mentioned having IN his
possession drawn wire worth S4.32
pound, or more than $4,000 per ton.
The tooth OF msstodon in an al
most complete state OF Preservation
has been recently uneGrthed. IL
weighed fourteen pounds twelve
ounces. and measured ten inches by
elk, aud is pure ivory.
The Indian Government has resolved
to establish hac,eriOlOglcal labora'
tory at Agra and chemical laboratory
ut Calcutta. Ii Is expected that 1900
municipalities will appoint trained
men for sanitary work.
]. L. Gore, writing on "Ihe Size OF
the Solar System" says that "euor-
mously large rs the solar system Abso-
lutely Is compared with the size Of
our own earth, IT Is, compared with
the size of tho visible universe, merely
as u drop in the ocean.
Some idea Of the vast extent OF the
surface of the earth may be obtained
when it Is noted that il lofty church
steeple is assembled and the landscape
visible from it looked at nine hundred
thousand such landscapes must be
viewed in order that the whole earth
may be seen.
Complaints have been received at
Washington that the armor plates for
the Kearsarge and Kentucky have
been planned so large that It is impos.
sible that a perfect material can be
made with the iugots ont Of which
they are manufactured. The plates,
as planned, are ten tons too heavy.
DR.. Levin, lecturer on toxicology
at Berlin University, in commenting
on home industries where the work
mems children inhale dast impreg-
mated with lead, said that the children
of dial-plate makers, for instance,
even if born healthy, die il few
months with commissions. In a village
Of Hesse, where pottery is glazed by
homo workers, seventy-one per cent.
of the children were sickly, fifty per
cent died within the first five years,
and the survivors suffered from ny dro-
cephalus and macrocephalv.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14

II would not be surprising 10 hHd
R,-t,n. New York, Philadelphia, ba.-
timore aud Washington connected u'
tulss. enabling letters aud parcels 70
h. forwarded IN as many hours ~ %
nov takes DAYS. The telegraph COM
panies will be seriously affected by Tue
new system. on,
The operation is very simple. The
letters are placed in "a leather table OF
carrier. which fits suugly into the
rheumatic tube. Then a blast Of an
from behind, or the suction Of ar
from the front, or combination oil
the two methods, forces the carrier
and its contents forward A. the
friction soon wears ont the leather
carriers, American genius viii he
called upon to invent metal carrier
on "ball benringa.' With leather
Tubes about ninety per cent. Of the
power applied Is lost in overcoming
the friction and IN waste, only ten per
cent. Of the total force applied beng
used to propel the carrier.
The charge loI athhihb i"@"'lI''
letters IN Paris was - cents each in
1879, and the territory covered was but
a small part Of the city. Today every
part of Paris is reached by the tubes
aud the charge is 10 cents, per letter, the
same as our special delivery. Nine
varieties of the Paris pneumatic letters
are collected. Probably many OF the
readers of the Round Table have one
or more of them. They bear map
of the city on the face Of the envelope,
showing the different sections served
by this post. The Berlin aud Vienna
pneumatic letters are simple in design.
There are no special designs on tue
London envelopes. 80 Harper's Round
Table.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14
Steam's Early History.

There is no invention IN any age
that has exercised SO powerful an
influence upon the destinies of the
nations of the world as the steam
engine, of which Watt may be truly
said to have been the father; aud yet
it's fact that steam boiler, and an
engine propelled by steam, were
constructed by Heron, one hundred
and twenty years before the Christian
era. The apparatus was very crude
and elementary; but the root idea was
there. Had the ancient experimental
list persistently followed up the line
OF Investigation which his curious eX-
periments suggested. the history of
mechanics might have been set for
ward 1000 years.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14
The Heart i'm CNcling.

1t is erroneous TO believe that
bicycle riding should be avoided in
every case of heartdlseuse. Physicians
who have made study of this ques-
ton declare that it may even be very
beneficial IN certain instances III which
the action OF the heart Is feeble, and
in which signs OF fatty degeneration
are found. Increased muscular exer-
else almost invariably improves the
condition of the heart itself. There
are, however, several indulgences that
persons with weak hearts should be-
ware Of such rs siruiniug to climb
hills and meeting head winds, excess
sive fatigue and particularly exciting
the heart and calling upon its reserve
strength by the use of stimulants and
improper food. Hartford Times,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward t1r
any case OF Catarrh that cannot be cured W
Halls CStarrh Cure.
.J.CBESEY & Co., Props, Toleja 0.
We, the undersigned, have known + j. Che.
pey for the last - years, aud believe hin. Her-
teCtly h1norab bic in all business TRANSACTION.
and financially able to carry out any ~. "a
ton made by their firm,
WEST & TRUAx, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo
Ohio.
WILuISd, KGaNAN & MARVIN, Wholesale
Dru gistS, Toledo, Ohio.
Halls CatArrh Cure is taken Internally act.
Ing directly upon the blood a.d mucous sui.
ftces OF The system. Price, &c. per bottle, sud
by all Druggists. Testimonial free.
Halls Family Pills are the beet.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14
Are You Satisfied with what You Know

Or would you gladly improve your stock OF
knowledget You may not have 80 or $50 you
can spare for "a lO-vo,ume encyclopaedia, but
you can afford to pay fifty cents for a Hand
Book Of General Information. You won't want
TO pay even tn unless you are DESTROYS OF
hund red page book. filed with condensed
mass Of valuable knowledge, will be read BY
you. This valuable Envy clOpatia Will he sent
postpaid for Atty cents 10 stamps by the Book
Publishing House 1874 Leonard It, \. Y. City.
Every person who has not a large ency cIopRdla
should take advantage OF this great offer al
once and store his mind with the valuable
facts collated in this book.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1896-08-14
Life of Glass Ewes.

Atchison, the greatest manufact-
urer and dealer in glass eyes in Europe,
was recently interviewed. He says
that England alone consumes 80, 600
glass eyes annually. A good English
glass eye will last about year and
costs S.. Glass eyes of French and
German make are cheaper, but will not
stand wear so long as the English.
The greatest destroyer of the glass eye
is the salt contained in the tears; its
caustc action upon the glass has mp to
this time hntfied all human invention.