Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-06-11

Sldid. l kHoW WHAT IL is nHe0 With.
You can't dazzle me with your wealth.
Aunt Clara-'You impertinent boy.
What is there in it then?.' Precocious
Arthur-"Oh. 5-cent piece, four PEN
MES, two cards, glove buttoner. Il
nail file and several other worthless ar
ticles, With a handkerchief and love
letter from your darling George" New
York Ledger.
Miss Gushington-'H did you feel
when you found that the ship would
surely go down in ten minutes?''
Captain Salted-''I felt fer a Iife-pre-
server."-Melbourne Times
John L. Morse. Jr., appends at the
end of his first volume of life and Let
tiers of Oliver Wendell Holmes dozen
or more anecdotes. some of which we
quote:
book called Burns and the Kirk had
from him a note of thanks. in which he
said: II find it full of interest. for it
treats a question which has long puzzled
me: How strait-laced Scotland could
clasp her national poet to her bosom
without breaking her stays
gentleman of the Jewish faith one
day sent to the doctor some wine from
Jerusalem. The note of thanks was:
.'Wine received. Strong as Samson.
Sweet as Delilah.''
Walking down Beacon street one day.
a physician told Holmes of an amusing
marriage, ''lovematch'' which had oc
CURED in his family. wherein the bride
was SO years old and the groom trife
younger. The doctor was greatly
amused Coming to his house, he walked
slowly up the steps, then suddenly turn
ing, running down. and. calling after his
companion, he said: "Of course they
Iy,sf hnyy l,,+ Ill
did they have any grandchildren"
Mr.. Howells, early in his career, in
PRODUCED himself to Mr.. Lowell; and.
thereupon, Mr.. Lowell took him into
town to call on DR.. Holmes. The hand
shakings being completed, the doctor
James. this is something like the apos-
tolic succession; this is the laying OIL OF
hands,
Prison Superintendent" suppose that
you will go direct to your family?"
Released Convict-"C Certainly: but I'll
first have to steal something for the chill
dren. '-Fliegende Blaetter
Bacon-'I see they've put sounding
board back of the minister's pulpit.
What do you suppose that's for?"
Egbert-"Why, it is to throw out the
sound"
Gracious! If you threw out the
sound there wouldn't be anything left
in the sermon!'-Yonkers Statesman.
-:O:-
You were never married, I believer"
mo; was never married"
"Thats singular, isn't it,"
'NO; not at all. You see, the first time
ry her or none.
'.Why didn't you marry her, then?"
"Well, you see, after / had become
better acquainted with her. l said to
myself. I'll marry none rather than her.
Since that I've got along very we'll with
'It is next to impossible to send rich
and influential man to prison, as you
man to the judge. 'Why don't you
make an example of some of them?''
Il don't mind telling you in conf
dence,' said the judge, chat that is the
very thing we are afraid of. If a few
society leaders were sent to Jail there is
great danger that getting into prison
would become a fad."-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
'.But what has become of Jack, your
little white dog?'
'This is Jack. AS / am in deep
mourning had him colored black. It's
more in keeping."-Le Journal Amusant.
He-"Which did you like hest Of my
verses?' She-"Why, the one on the
first page" He-"Let me see. Which
one was that?' She-"Don't you remem-
Der? The one in quotation marks. >
Harlem Life.
''Why. you're new man-they've
shaved you out of all recognition
''Ye-e-he, he-es, the first time | looked
in the glass | only knew myself by my
voice."-London judy.
Il may be poor, madam" said the
tramp proudly, ''but have an honorable
war record 1 was among the missing
at the battle Of Bull Run '-Commercial
Advertiser.
Merchant -"You SAY you are an or
phan."
Applicant for Position-"Yes; haven't
a living relative
Merchant-"Well, I'll take you
ought to get lot Of work out of you
during the baseball ason.'-Philadel
phia Record
INvnT uED I'M 0RScIIpITv