New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1896-08-29
HOW HE NAY SAVE HIS VOICE.

We do not think that can fairly be ac-
cused Of any undue friendliness TO the policies
represented by Mr. Bryan in this campaign. But
we hope that we are not wholly lacking in
shirt Of humanity Against the candidate we
shall keep up the warfare until the sun sets on
November 3: but when we see the man. however
mistaken his views may be, in the throes Of
physical suffering we should be less than hui
man il we did not suggest to him a remedy
We must not he understood as speaking for the
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ant
mails Mr.. Bryan is not an animal, except as
every human being is: and the cruelty OF which
he is the victim is inflicted upon him not ny
others but by himself through his noble de-
sire to save the country by being elected Presi-
dent. But If interfere To alleviate the SUI
ferngs OF the patient horse and the vocal ass.
shall we stand idly by when we see a Boy Ora
tor cracking his voice and inhaming his tonsils'
Never 1t Is possible that he may hesitate to
adopt n suggestion from a political opponent,
especially one from the East, for the Popocratic
candidate seems to think that wise men are no
longer TO he found in the East. as they were in
the old Bible days But shall. nevertheless,
n AXE the suggestion as a simple matter of duty.
Briefly our plan is for Mr.. Bryan TO talk his
speeches into n number Of monographs. which
could then be set going in localities where they
would do the most good. 1t must be obvious
to every one by this time even to Mr.. Bryan
himself. that his voice will be wholly gone long
before he is able to address the seventy-odd mill
ion people in this country. which, We believe.
is his intention. Now. a loss of voice would not
practically interfere with the activity of some
men, though personally it would be a serious
misfortune to them, they would go on doing
4, orl, in, I no hp
Of Mr. Bryan it may be said If we may be al
lowed to quote a familiar Latin proverb: "Vox
ct preterea lih:" his voice is all there is OF
him H. therefore. he would avoid complete
annihilation he must save his vocal cords. and
the only way in which he do so. it seems
to us is by adopting the suggestion We offer.
We believe that the photograph has been con-
sideraby improved recently. 50 that when il Is
fitted with large speaking trumpet great
many people can hear its tones with ease II
would seem as though science had thus unWit-
tngly put potent campaign Instrument in the
hands Of Mr.. Bryan. which will bring him. or
his voice. which is the same thing, into the very
presence of the people. W, shall bc told that
these monographs would be patronized. for the
most part. by small boys who have no votes.
But that is a puerilc objection in more senses
than one. Are the small boys Of the country to
be deprived Of the harmless enjoyment If listen
ing to n voice that is running for President?
And. besides not the crowds that are now
listening to Mr.. Bryan composed largely Of
small boys?
The details of the plan We suggest will readily
occur to every one. Mr.. Bryan could go home.
and after resting himself he could spend Soy
eral hours each day In his study talking into
Topographic cylin lers. Some simple mech
anism could easily be rugged up that would
faithfully initiate applause and catcalls at APP
propriate points. Or an earnest silverite with
exuberant lungs. possibly "Cvcone" Davis
could be hired at n moderate salary, 10 be paid
in gold, Of course. whose duty IL would be to
yell at frequent intervals "Go It, Billy" I'VE
are wild you. Sock it to the gold bugs
"IIoOIayr etc. our readers viii see the cnor-
nous posi- 1ilities Of tn" scheme. Some Of the
cylinders could be filed with set speeches by
the candidate, while others, to be cent into com
munties where especially convincing silver ar
guments are needed. could be loaded with
such unanswerable phrases as sixteen to one. -
You are the greatest and wiscst people that
ever lived or will live" Down with Eu-
rope" Let be your hired man" what's
a little thing like the Constitution among
frends?' Free silver is all right because
think so." IF We say that - cents is a dollar
it go,s. scc?" etc The campaign so conducted
would be distinguished not only as it is now.
FOR its iniqui;y. but for its unquty If We may
make use Of Il somewhat rare substantive de-
rived from the adjective unique. Another de-
tail Of our plan would be to hire clever actors
out OF job to initiate MI. Bryans voice and