The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-05-17
STORIES OF JOHN sTETsON.
The Breadth ana Depth OF His Ig-
nOrance

numOrlst smiles on him through life, and
that too, with no seeming effort Of his
own. He somehow acquires an early rep
utatiOn for saying or doing funny things,
which, once gained, nothing can take
away. All the jokes in his line of his gem
GRAFTON, and often some of earlier and
later generations, are credited TO him. and
NOBODY cares TO dispute the honor. Col
leclOrs OF jokes are ready to accept Joe
Miller as Joe Miller. but no literary schOl-
ar believes that he originated all the jests
IN his alleged book Anybody can think
Tor himself of two or three similar eX-
amples IN the present half-century, and,
even so, 70 Is not likely that John StetsOn
ever really said all or half the amusing
thlngs that We're attributed to him. They
We're good stOries-some of them-and they
were told of Stetson, just as the story Of
| nqdling while Rome burned was told of
Nero, not because they were true, but TO
| snow what kind of a man Stetson was.
Inc stories which il was thought proper
to fix upon John Stetson were those which
/ exhibited any broad. comprehensive and
picturesque ignorance. He was an igno-
maps, TO say all the things that 1t was
ever said that he said, but the chances
are tnat he did not say them ALL But
V we stories are none the worse for that
nus was played by the students of Har-
ward College, and excited great comment
throughout the country. 1t was discussed
one evening at dinner at which Stetson
was present, and he cheered the company
by announcing that he had contracted with
sophocles for the writing Of a new play,
70 be produced by him the following sea-
son.
This story belongs in the same class as a
somewhat more elaborate one. Stetson
once TOOK possession Of a new theater, and
discovered in the lobby picture that did
noL meet his artistic tastes. Take that
picture down." he said.
But, Mr.. Stetson," somebody remon-
SS44ttabIedi that picture was painted by
Michael who?" said Stetson.
michael Angelo"
Wen, take it down." said Stetson, land
Ulscnai8e angelo. won't have any Of
these foreign scene painters around my
Inealer; I'm going TO employ Americans"
This so amused those who heard II that
they az once told the incident to friends Of
was Jack Haverly, the famous negro
minstrel manager Haverly did not laugh
When ne heard II, but simply looked puz-
Hleu lie thought for few moments. and
then faint smile came into his face. and
! he said: 'Oh, yes, / see; there amt no
such person as Michael Angelo!"
This answer was thought good enough to
I take back to Stetson, who, III was assumed,
must nave taken pains i'm the mean time
70 inform himself Of the history Of art suf-
| lclenty 10 understand 1t. What do you
| think, Stetson?' said his friend. 1--WE told
| Jack haVerly what you said about Michael
| Angelo, and he said, oh, i see; there ain t
| no such person as Michael Angelor "
| Stetson looked blank in his turn for a
| moment and then received his own little
/ d
/ Why, the ignorant old fool" he said,
| 'of course he ought to have said There
| isn't any such person as Michael Ange-
This story again recalls another with a
| similar touch IN it. The conversation once
| turned on clever passage in w. j. Flor
ence OLD play; The Mighty Dollar" in
! Whlch BardWell SiOat exposes his ignO-
| rance by referring TO hackman whom
| he had encountered in Venice. Yes" said
| StetsOn, that is clever: of course thew
/ Venice oh n
! slow place they don't have anything but
| omnibusses and mule carts" This fable
found its way into print again only a few
| weeks before Mr.. Stetson's death.
! One of the most famous of Mr. Stetson's
! remarks is that which expressed his views
as to the duties of the musicians whom he
hired. He came into the theater one day
| while a ref'easal Of a comic opera was go
| ing on and noticed the trombone player
was t sitting idle With his instrument ~
what's that man doing? Why isn't he
"Ie is resting" the leader answered
! He plays when his turn comes; he has a
rest of eight measures here; it's marked 50
in the music"
II don't care how it's marked in the mu-
sic" said Stetson. Il want him to play
| pay him to play; / don't pay him to rest "
IL Will readily be seen that Mr.. StetsOu
did not mean to sacrifice any of his rights
| he once had a business manager under
him whose name was Sharp. One day Stet.
son came around to the theater and saw a
]
Matinee to-day at o'clock sharpr'
"Hellor' said Stetson. Seems to me thai
Fellows putting on pretty big airs Take
that sign in and put out one: Matinee to-
day at o. clock. Stetson. I'm running thi.
| theater."
What do you think Of so-and-so?'
Stetson asked Of friend, naming one
Of the actors of his company. He mean
10 ask what his friend thought of III,
| way the actor was playing the part il
which he was then engaged, but the frien,
/ E11nnnEnn q TO naT-
1 manner of man he thought him. So h,
answered: Hes well enough, only h,
seems to me to be a little too pedan
This struck stetson as a good word
ana ne stored It up in his memory To-
future use. A few days later, when h,
met the actor, he said; Il was in from
watching. you last night, and I though
you didn't play that part quite so pc
dantic as you usually do"
| On another occasion he was Watcbin,
a rehearsal, and the stage manager sion
| ped the proceedings to say to one o
the actors: You don't cross the STAG,
the way l want you to; 1 want you t,
The actor tried it again, and stetso,
angrily exclaimed: why don't you do /
slower than ever Why don't YOU saun
ter?' 1t proved that Mr. Stetson though
that saunter was the same word as can
Mr.. Stetson was interested in an effor
which was made soon after the Oberam
mergau Passion Play of 1880 to give
Passion Play in New York The effor
failed, but the plans went as far a.
choosing a part of the cast In tn,
course of the arrangements the subiec
of casting the twelve apostles came up
Twelve apostlesI" shouted Stetson Ii
scorn, IF were going to do this thini
let's do Il in style; let's have a hundred
Sometimes Mr.. stetson's expression,
amounted to epigrams. 1t will be remem
bered that when Gilbert and Sullivan
THE Gondoliers,' was first done in thi
country at the New Park theater. nov
the Herald Square, it was a dreadful
failure 1t was clearly and obviously 81
to everybody who saw any considerabl,
part Of it, even if he were ordinarily Z
bad judge Of such things, and stetsor
was not a bad judge. He had secured
the rights to the opera for New Eng
land, and he had paid a good deal Of mone,
for them. He went to the New Park OF
! the first night to see and hear whaI
| his property looked and sounded like Az
ter the first act he STROBE out into Ink
| lobby and somebody heard him mutter
'Gondoliers 'GondoliOrs ?-Hm!- Gone
dollarsr
From comparison of tables it 1.
learned that in the past two decades the