The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1896-11-28

n n II. JAMES lNCH Is one of the
Nv most staid and dignifed citi-
- - zens Of Parlor City. He never
drinks, he never smokes, and 1t is his
drm conviction that Hades is yawning
for every man, woman, and child that
plays cards. He is a pillar of the local
Methodist Church, has publicly de-
nounced dancing as an invention of the
devil, progressive euchre and pedro
parties as creased poles to the realm of
Satan, and trolley parties as an even
more sinful diversion than any of the
other forms of amusement to which he
Is opposed. One might imagine from
this that Mr.. James Inch was an I'M
popular man in Parlor City. Such,
however, Is not the case. The inhab-
itants point him out to strangers as
their model citizen, and can't say
enough in praise Of him. That Is be-
cause Mr.. Inch is a sterling business
man, and so generous and charitable
that his fellow townsmen are willing
to overlook his radical views on things
In the amusement line.
Mr.. Inch had an experience some
weeks ago that came pretty near
knocking down with one blow the
splendid reputation he has built up for
himself in Parlor City. 1t was a most
unfortunate experience for Mr.. Inch,
but II provided amusement for his fell
low citizens for days afterwards, and
some of them are not through laughing
yet.
One bright sunny morning early in
August Mr.. Inch boarded train bound
for Parlor City at small
way station some twenty miles
from his home. He had gone
out there the night before on bust
ness, had missed the last train back,
and a night on a corn husk mattress in
the local tavern mad rutf1ed him about
as much as he had ever been rufled in
his life. Mr.. Inch had not been in the
train five minutes when he heard a
frightful racket in the car behind him,
and on inquiring of the conductor what
1t meant was told that both of the rear
cars were full of lunatics who were be-
ing transferred from New York to the
State asylum on the hill back of Par
lor City.
They're Ill charge of keepers, all
right" said the conductor, "but they
get excited every now and then, and
tell you the keepers have their hands
full. Lor! but they do curse"
do you suppose l could go look al
them?" asked Mr.. Inch, who immedi.
ately made up his mind that it was his
duty as a Christian man to go and
speak few words of admonltiOn to
these men.
Dunno" was the conductors laconic
response. You'll have to ask the
| keepers"
| Mr.. Inch rose from his seat and start
ed back. He decided that he would moi
ask permission to do what was his
plain duty. He felt that the keepers
would refuse him admission to the car
30 he made UP his mind to slide in I'M
observed, take a seat, and watch hiS
chance to distribute advice to the un
fortunate. 1t was not a difficult piece
of work, as the keepers were pretty
busy when Mr.. Inch opened the doOl
and walked In, and they didn't notice
him at all. He gradually worked his
way to the middle of the car unnoticed
In the bowling crowd of wild-eyed men
and ensconced himself in seat beside
a red-headed individual who was
swinging his arms round in most reck
less fashion and singing in a shril
voice:
"This is my story, this is my song,
Praising the Savior all the day long.
Over and over again the man sans
the couplet, sandwiching it with strings
Of oaths, which sent chills chasing eacf
other UP and down Mr.. Inch's spina
column. He attempted to talk witt
the man. but he might as well have
tried to converse with a log OF WOOD
Others with whom he started converse
Hons looked at him so blaEkly that III
soon realized it was a hopeless TASK
and settling down in his seat he re
solved to say no more.
"When we get to Parlor City, hi
figured to himself, ''Pll just walt untl
they get this crew out Of the car, anc
then I'll go out myself and go home
Mr. Inch's resolution was the resul
NJ a little speculation as to what woulC
bappen to him If the keepers discoV
erred that he had entered the car ant
mingled with this crew Of violent ant
irresponsible men. -,
At the station in Parlor City on I'M
same morning that Mr.. Inch boarded
the train twenty miles away stood nj
taen keepers from the State asylum
waiting for the consignment OF luna
t'cs from Few York. With them wal
vonng DR.. Blank. on whose shoulder
sos+oS the responsibility for the SAT-
ira nspOrtatIon of the lunatics from
the station to the asylum. DR.. Biani
t-ie ,-o,,,od II was the hrst expedi