Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-10-05
FACTS AND FANCIES.

Bashful lover-'1-I fear / must seem
very Sahara of dullnes this evening,
Miss Clara Self-possessed young
woman (tired of waiting)-"No, Mr.. Pan
kins. you are not at all like desert.
You haven't any sand. Chicago Tri-
bune.
What turns the scholar to a Ounce?
The Bicycle.
He rides Che used to study once)
The Bicycle.
Why are neurotic novels shut,
| And minor poets all uncut,
And everything neglected-but
The Bicycle?
st. James Gazette.
81 wish I was as strong as the man
that lifted up this thing" said Willie,
as he stepped out at the sixth floor on
the occasion of his first ride in a lift
HE give one pull at the rope, and we
didn't stop goin' till we got right up!'
Litewate- you observed that
the young ladies at the theaters have
been lately taking their hats off,"
Wagstaff-'"Thats nothing new; the
joke-writers have been taking them Off
for the last ten years"
observation-disclosures Hiram, your
pumpkins at the fair are enormous this
year" "Ya'as. | helped 'em along til
my darter's new bisickle pump. Chi
cago Record.
''That was tough on Davis "What?''
"He stepped on banana peel, fell and
was arrested for giving street per-
Torrance without license. Truth.
At the Ball Park-George- ''How do
you like it. Cora?
Cora-''It is perfectly lovelya But
what do they have all these policemen
on the ground for? Oh, know; it is
to keep the men from stealing runs"
Summer Visitor-"And are all your
sons Sailors too?' Retired Salt-"Naw!
Bill, he took to yachtin. Detroit
News.
A new Partisan institution which is
pretty sure to be copied in all civilized
countries, is an abb Office. The concern
undertakes to post letters for customers
from any point of the world, and render
other little services tending to indicate
the clients presence at certain point
while he-of course only married men
would be the Offices patrons other
wise engaged elsewhere.
A favorite little golf story comes from
Scotland. Il shall haze to gle it up"
remorsefully remarked the Scotch minis
ter who had no language when his ball
lay buried in a bunker. ''What, golf?'
asked his friend and caddie. sNa." re-
turned the other, 'the ministry
Soon will the man who vends the coal
| Vow that revenge is nice;
Since he the purse strings will control
Washington Star.
eve have adopted the early closing
movement" said the crab, as he nipped
the toe of the morning bather.
81 say, do you think that Virgins is
a man to be trusted?'
'"Trusted? Yes; rather Why, I'd
trust him with my life!"
Eyes; but with anything of value, |
mean!"-Boston Globe.
THE OLD STORY.
Broke, broke broke,
And back at my desk, sea!
Blistered and freckled and broke broke,
Yes! broke with capital B.
Baltimore News.
Just now there is in every theater au-
dience a surprisingly large number of
! women without hats. This means that
most of the women attending the shows
are strangers. New York women who
sport the latest Paris and London styles
will not remove their hats until the sea-
son is so far advanced that the shapes
are out of date.
Puffy-"Just saved a mans life!'
Guffy-"How was that!'
Said he'd blow my brains out if | didn't
give him my watch Gave him the
watch.-Detroit Free Press.
The latest 'fad' is to issue invita-
tons for meal called brunch" This
means a repast at IL o'clock a. M,
which is supposed to be the midway
time between breakfast and lunch.
Fashion may be foolish, but it is quite
safe to state that if the free lunch had
not been knocked out by the Raines
law such an epicurean idea would never
have been thought of.
els your last name Walker, Sammy?'
NAV! Walker was me name when L
was horned, an they didn't call me Sam
my till four weeks later. Sammy's me
| loc' ID nfrni4 Frnn PrpCS
"Oom Pauls' favorite sister, Mrs.
PETER du Plessis, has just died at the
age of r. She was married at II, and
her descendants, including great-grand-
children, number ITO. President Krue-
ger himself has 142 descendants.
Papa (who is a generaD-"I suppose
when you grow up you will be soldier
"You bet 1 won't. Soldiers don't kill
anyone nowadays. I'm going to be a
motorman on trolley car."-Harper' S
Bazaar.
w. S. Gilbert was chatting with some
friends in Il well-known literary club one
day, when the late Edmund Yates en-
tered, looking very thoughtful, and sat
matter with Yates?' whispered one of
i lou p Silence Yes said l Gilbert, she
is thinking of the next World
Fred Horner, a successful English
adapter of French plays, while dining
in a hotel somewhere in the provinces"
asked in most impressive fashion: "Peut-
on fumer ici?' To which the waiter re-
Piled, YEARLY: II don't understand a
word of French, SIR "Then, for God S
sake, send me somebody who does!''
shouted the irate adapter.
She-"Was there any particular thing
about the town which struck you?'
eyes; bicycle. "-Yonkers Statesman.
THE CAMPAIGN ORATOR.
He talks around the question,
Or else the question begs,
Evading all the issues,
The vegetables and eggs.
Detroit Tribune.
Tourist presenting his opened Baedek-
er to the coachman)-"Here, driver,
want 20 see the first four pages