The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-01-08
BILL ARP'S LETTER.
He Doesn't Believe There VIII be Any
War with England.
Atlanta Constitution.

Atlanta Constitution.
They told me Of various things they
would like to have for Christmas pres
ents for friends and posterity. They
wanted seventeen I think. Of course
I listened in subdued manner, but
an elephant had trod on my pocket
book and it was so fat I couldent see
through this business. My wife said
that handkerchiefs were a good thing
nice handkerchiefs were always in
order. She had some in her trunk to
send to the boys. There are various
things in that trunk. 1t is sort of
subtreasury, cache, but it won't
hold enough things for the grandchil-
dren. Dolls and baby carriages and
jumping jacks and picture books had
to be bought and some nice linen
handkerchiefs. Well, as I was turn
ing the Norcross corner heard a
squealer squealing handkerchiefs.
There was a stack Of them on box
and crowd around and he was pass
ing handkerchiefs along for examina-
tion. Genuine linen, pure Irish
linen, all guaranteed, only 5 cents
apiece. Examine them, gentlemen.
These are Exposition exhibit goods
that we are obliged to sell out, for we
are going home. Home, sweet home, y
etc. Never heard a man squeal more
sweetly. I was shy at first but took
hold Of the handkerchief. Itwas good
size and nicely bordered and looked
like linen and felt like linen, and !
heard q man say "This is linen,
shore" So I thought / had found
the very thing my wife wanted and
told him I would take ten. "Thank
you, sir" he said politely, and he
took them off the folded pile and
wrapped them up and put them in
my little grip and handed him dol.
lara silver dollar. He dident hand
back the change, but leaned up close
to me and whispered, you are a
family man. l reckon eyes," said
I. swell, I will give you twenty
more for the other half dollar" said
he. So took them and put them all
in my satchcl. Good gracious Thirty
linen handkerchiefs for a dollar.
Enough to keep all the grandchildren
noses clean and leave some for me.
I was proud.
When my wife opened the package
she was Mortified. "Why they are all
cotton and the veriest, thinnest, slazi-
est cotton at that. You have been
cheated again as usual. That ras
cally squealer had handed round a
nice linen handkerchief as a sample
and wrapped up poor thin cotton ones
so quick we dident suspect anything
wrong. But they will do for the
noses, / reckon. In fact, l rather
like them for my grip, and I carry two
all the time-one for each side. And
I bought beautiful little doll car
riage with parasol over it for 20
cents and lunch basket and mice
that runs around on the floor and a
spool case and some other little tricks
and came home happy, for Christmas
is season to make others happy. On
earth peace, good will to men, and
especially to the children. Yes,
that's it On earth peace We are
not going to have any war with Eng
land. But I'll be dogond if Johnny
Bull shall step over here and take
land that don't belong to him-land
and water, for there is the mouth of
the Orinoco that ought to be open and
free to our commerce. War is hor-
rible, devilish business and it ought
not to be considered seriously. No.,
sir |! We are not going to have any
war, but I'll be dad blasted if johnny
Bull shall have anything over here
that don't rightfully belong to him
the greedy old rascal. The fact is, ]
don't believe those English know
where Venezuela is or who Mr.. Mon.
roe was, but they have got big map
and stake out the earth and claim to
the stakes. Fifty years ago they put
down their stakes on an island in the
Caribbean sea and the island sank in
an earthquake and went down and
England is still guarding the hole and
waiting for the island to rise again.
That 8 what a man told me.
But the idea of war with our old
mother. God bless her and bless her
noble Queen, who for over fifty years
has been a model woman-a noble
hearted lady of the olden times-an
illustrious example of good, old-fash-
ioned, honest motherhood; had nine
children right straight along and
nursed them in the old-fashioned way
and give them castor oil and salts and
sung to them at night just like We do.
1 have great respect for any woman
who has raised nine children, and l
have 10 per cent. more respect for a
woman who has raised up ten, like my
wife has but I'll be ding-donged if
Johnny Bull, or any other bull, shall
put chip on our hat. We are going
to investigate. Our committee will go
over there and report and maybe by
the Fourth Of July we will know some
thing about this business, and then
we will let it fret along for year or
two and fix up an arbitration, and by
the year 1900 the dispute will be set
tied. That's the way we did the
Alabama claim and the Bering seal
fisheries. We incident be in any hurry
about fighting. In fact, it looks like
sacrilege for Christian nations to talk
war during Christmas times. We
ought to have waited until the Fourth
Of July-that's the time to crow but
old Johnny Bull had better mind how
he steps over our hemisphere. The
old rebs have had their disabilities re-
moved and they haven't forgotten how
England treated US thirty-three years
ago. predicted that Congress would