The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1896-05-08
GLIMPSES OF LIFE.


Horrors of War
1.-THE enemy" shouted the courier
breathlessly, is opening with grape
shot. ~
The face of the warrior blanched,
Appendicitis, he gasped-Detroit
Tribune.
SpitefuI.
Clara" Mr. Nicefelow said my face
was classic. What is classic?'
Dora-"Oh, most anything old. "
Good News.
An Earnest student.
Teacher Now, George Washington
| battle of Princeton. F"
CIV. Hackensack Twenty t. ten
--faver Nv Yale. Puck.
A similarity.
Barber (insinuatingly) Your hair
is trifle thin, sir.
Victim tgrimly. So is your chance
of selling me bottle of your justly
celebrated hair restorer. Puck.
"All l demand for my client, "
shouted the attorney in the voice of
a man who was paid for it, lis JUS
! tice. y II am very sorry | can't ac-
| commodate YOU, replied the Judge.
but the law won't allow me to give
| him more than seven years. Tit
Bits.
A shoemaker hung out new sign,
and then wondered what passers- by
found SO amsing. His sign read as
follows Don't 60 elsewhere to get
cheated. Walk in here. TO Date.
How did Swayzler come out in that
little railroad deal he was working. y
at hasn't been settled yet. | don't
see what else he can do but plead
kleptomania. '-Cincinnati Inquirer
Mother docking over her sons col
lege expenses) 81 don't see why Will
liam's expenses should be so much
more this year than last. "
Father a former collegian) well,
you see. the police fines are higher af
ter the first offense. "
He-"I would kiss you if | thought
none would see me. " She" Shall |
close my eyes?' '-Woonsocket Report
err.
"Ah, me- inspired the poet, as he
finished a sonnet to his mistress's
eye brow, what would be the condi
tion of country without women -
"Stag nation" softly responded the
humorist. Boston Courier.
"Well, father" exclaimed the
prodigal son. as he made his appear
ance at the family fireside, ARE you
ready to kill the fatted calf?' mo,
replied the old man, grimly, II think |
IN let you live. Seattle Times.
A little maiden of seven years at
tended the wedding of an elder broth
er. The Episcopal service, heard for
the first time. n ade deep impression |
on her mind. A few days after she
called to see the bride, and found her |
at them wistfully for few moments, |
she exclaimed: "Oh, yes; | see-to
have and to hold. New York Jour |
nal
Mr.. Nuwed-"Is all the ice gomez
Mrs. Nuwed-" The cook book |
said to boil the potatoes in cold water, |
and | used it all in keeping the water |
cold while they were boiling, and the |
horrid things are not soft yet. y
Washington Times.
my family" said Miss Antique,
"came over with the Pilgrims on the |
Mayfiower. - did they really?' eX
claimed Hanks. How very interest |
ing And were you seasick?"-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Nurse ito young husband -"A
beautiful ten pound baby, sir. - Young
husband getting things mixed in his
excitementl-''Gl Glorious Am | a ia
Their or a mother" -Amusing Journal. |
Fair visitor Ito convictl-'I sup
pose, sir, that the singing of the birds
relieves the monotony of your dreary
life?" Convict profoundly nonplused)
THE singing of the birds, miss!"
Fair visitor Yes, sir; the little
jailbirds, you know. They must be
such a comfort to you. Judge.
Miss Anteek you suppose Eve
had any desire TO vote?" Mr.. Simmer
But she couldn't, you know.
Miss Anteek Why not?" Mr.. Slim
was paired with Aoam.
Plain Dealer.