Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-02-16
A GREEK PATRICIAN.
The Idle Reporters Appropriate Role In
the Recent KiFmeSS.
THAT NEIGHBORLY CURIOSITY.
PersonnIe Pronouns ms AppIica-
BILE to Infants of Indetermi able
scx-A Discontcd Youth md n Man
Who Meant business.

10 spare and sull less money for charit-
able purposes. Ny debut as a Greek pa
trician, clothed In tunic and bare skin
mot bear-skin), at the recent Kirmess
was a great hit, and those who saw me
say that their respect for the little
Greece spot on the map has been greatly
increased since | assumed the role. CUES
tionable comments concerning that por-
ton Of my personal appearance-or
rather non-appearance-whic Is habit
ually clothed IN trousers reached my
ears, but my scorn and hauteur concern
ing these remarks was truly dignlfied and
fully In keeping with the part ! played.
Several manufacturers Of artificial limbs
have sent ne circulars. with special re-
commend atoms as to the merits Of their
legs, and suggestions that / purchase
the same. But with my characteristic in
dependence | shall stand upon my own
support, however frail that may be. All
ny kiHspeOple who could not capture
complimentary tickets paid their money
to see the show-that Is me-fOr their
anxiety about my success was phenome-
nal. They were there even unto the tnird
and fourth generation, ana they Tallled
around me just az they do when rumor
tells therl I'm going to have an extra
good dinner. II was a comfort 10 peep
through the encrustations of paint and
powder on my race and to behold their
familiar physiognomlcs gazing admiring-
~ at the sweeping curves In my general
makeup. After ell a man can't get along
i'm this world unless he has relations,
nor, for that matter. can he even set IN
this world unless he has them.
There Is n certain butterfly anxiety about
these society plays, anyhow, that's truly
delightful. and We dramatis personae
thoroughly enjoy the fun and cheerfuliy
submit 10 the ordeal OF having our names
put In the paper. In fact, | arose at
daybrealS each morning during the course
OF the Kirmess just to see what the re-
porters said about me. While publicity Is
repugnant TO me, ] nevertheless bought
several hundred copies Of the dailies
and, after marking the paragraph al
luiing TO the Creek patrician, sent the
papers TO everybody ! could find an eX-
cuse for knowing. Ny only fear was
that they would publish a cut of me. a
few days before they had printed pic
lures of several members OF the Less
sature, and two hours thereafter the
same lawmakers were arrested on war
rants charging them with vagrancy. A
Justice OF the peace had seen their pic
lures, and naturally committed the error
TO which | allude. But the fact that
dreaded 10 see my, picture in the papers
did not prevent me from having my pho
tograph taken in costume, and this Cid at
the earliest opportunity. ] thought was
the only person who would yield to vanity
Of that sort, but when l reached the gal
lery | found that every chick and child
IN the show had done likewise. ~
around me / saw specimens OF photo
graphic art ana spider-legs. There were
Franklin-street Cinnamon, Grace-street
Indians, and Thirl-street cavaliers. Each
specimen appeared 10 think he was the
only one In the show. In startling tints
Of black and white I behed the classic
features OF my esteemed friend, Samuel
Hamwort, and near him the symmetrical
form OF that dear boy, Frank, who hangs
up silk hat every night in the Abe
marie Club. They were Hellenic athletes.
Their brows were wreathed in fillets, and
the warts, excrescences, callouS spots,
and protuberances on their massive
neither limbs were CARRIED II tights. L
sent my catalogues rom the artificial
limb firm to these brethren. Sam is
hummer on q sewing-machine, but at a
cannaballstic banquet he would not be
regarded as deiicacy.
IL all 9he Cary-street folks were cats,
and If. as the saying eayeth. curiosity
kills these four-legeed varmintS, the whole
OF my neighborhood. from the north-side
water-plug 10 the Horse-Hospital. on
Adams street, would be depopula-ed. Yes,
curiosity Is the food on which we. the deni-
zens of the neutrality-suspicious. outskirts,
subslst. In fact, it's about the only food
some OF US have. But. oh. how joyously
do we chew upon the data cleaned: and
how blissfully do we rumnate upon the
bits Of gossip garnered. Happy are the
hours when, with my opera-glasses. / sit
before my window. surveying the heid,
and sweeping the view with my lenses.
Cheerfully 90 l calculate upon the
amount OF dirt which encrusts the juve-
nile faces on my corner, and eagerly do L
watch the grocery-store, TO note the
menus OF my neighbors What n fiutter
am In when they purchase some new
article Of furniture, or when the constable
drops g. with q distress-warrant IL Is
sweet 10 watch the visitors who call TO
see these neighbors OF mine. and sweeter
still to guess whether they are collectors
or long-absent relatives.
And, then, l like TO peep out Il. The
petty war OF feminine rivalry which
wages at the front gates or near cur
smoking ash-barrels. 1 remember these
same iris when They were youngsters.
and when, IN moments OF lndisc:etion,
they carried off my splinters, by reck-
lessly sliding down my coal-house Roof
Now they are grown and wear big
sleeves, and, doubtless. the noles that
formerly perforated their stockings have
disappeared, though l am not prepared
TO make affidavit thereto 1t Is interest
Ing TO investigate the way they get srfii-
cent money to wear such good clothes.
and still more so 10 nose around for IN
formation IS to whether they stand any
show for getting married. With SYM
pathetic sollcltude / likewise inspect the
spinsters, who. in their pathetic solitude,
are gro wing old and scaly. Day by day /
see their faces narrowing with thu pinch
OF bllghted hopes, and hour by hour do /
hear in my imagination the mournfIl cry.
Anything. Lord. so It's man."
But its the boys that most attract me-
the incipient statesmen who now comprise
the Hobo gang" and who make the life
of Quong Lee "a Celestial relative or
"Light-Horse Harry'D a misery upon
this earth. They are the ones who seal
the peaches from the little tree In my
yard, and who throw mud Ipon my
shirts as they bleach In semi-annval
cleanliness upon my clothes-lines. 1t is
these Identical boys who at nightfall
wrap a brick in white paper. with malice
for full well they know
that prompted by curiosity. ] Will kick
the same, in my innocent belief that II
is a bundle. They are the ones--may
eternal spanbings be visited upon them
who torture the life OF my Shanghai with
ea-shooters Yea, verify, suspect that
TO them Is due the death of Thomas, my
beloved cat. who came home late one az
ternoon, with the light shining through
his ribs and piteous cry for reaiiem