Evening star., 1896-12-19
PHILOSOPHER DOOLEY on CHARITY.
His Idea of the Kind of People to
Get Help.

From the Chicago Post.
'Whin tn col spell comes along about
Chris mas time said Mr. Hennessy, open
ing the stove door and lighting a small
piece of paper which he conveyed to the
bowl of his pipe with much deXterity, just
snaring the last flicker with his first noisy
inhalation, 'whin TIL col weather comes
on l wish thin Grogans down in tn alley'd
move out. have no peace at all with tn
OIL woman. She has me r-runnin' in night
an day with a pound of tay or a flannel
shirt or a this-or- that-or til other thing,
an. it's on'y two weeks ago, whin tn
weather was. warrum she .of me Mrs.
Grogan ongrateful as a cow an
smelled so iv gin ye cud have tn deleerylm
thremens if ye sat with her FIR an hour"
What ye shud do, said Mr.. Dooley, is
to get ye er wife to join an organized char
ity. TR throuble with her is she gives
to unworthy people an in haphazard
| way that tinds to make paupers. If
they'se anything will make a person on
grateful an depindent it's to give thin
something to eat Whin they're hungry with
out KNOWN whether they are desarvin' iv
tn delicate attintion A man, or woman
ayether, has to have what We may call
peculiar qualifications FIR to gain tn lump
iv coal or III pound iv steak that an or
ganized charity gives out He must be
honest an sober an Industrious. He must
have frind in tn organization. He must
nave armed IN TlSnt 10 peg MS DTedQ Dc IN
sweat iv his brow. He must be able to
comport himself like a gintleman in fair
society an play good hand at whist. He
must have marriage license over tn
pianny an a Soold-edged Bible on tn mar
ble-topped table. A pauper that wud dis
believe there was God afther thrampin'
tn sthreets in search iv food an calmin'
an unreasonable stomach with tn east
wind is object iv charity. What he
needs is tn attintion iv polisman. I've
aften Wondered why a man that was fit
to dhraw a ton iv slate coal an a COB iv
liver firm tn relief an aid society didn't
apply fr cabinet position or q place in a
bank. He'd be sthrong FIR ayether.
Il mind wanst there was a woman lived
down near Main sthreet be tn name iv
Clancy. Mother Clancy tn kids called her.
She come fr'm away off to tn wist, Gal
way woman firm bechune mountain an
sea. Ye know what they ARE whin they're
black. an she was worse an biacker. She
was tall an thin, with a face white tn way
q corpse is white. an she had wan child a
lame la'ad that used to play be himsilf in
tn sthreet, tn lawn bein limited. / niyer
heerd tell iv her havin a husband, poor
thing, an what she'd need wan FIR, but to
dhrag out her misery fr her in tn gray
year sivinty-foor. cudden't say. She talk
ed to hersilf in Gaelic whin she walked, an
twas Gaelic she an tn kid used whin they
wint out together. Th' kids thought she
was witch an broke tn windows iy her
house, an ivry wan was afraid iv her but
tn little priest. He shook his head whin
she was mintioned, an wint to see her
wanst in awhile, an come away with
throubled face.
Sivinty-foor was a hard winter fr tn
r-road. Th' mills was shut down an We
cud've stood half tn population iv some iv
tn precincts on their heads an got nothin'
but five days notices out iv thim Th'
nights came cold, an bechune relievin' tn
sick an givin' extremunction to tn dyin'
an comfortin' tn widows an orphans, tn
little priest was sore pressed firm weeks
end to weeks end. They was smallpox in
wan part iv tn wa-ard an diphtheria in
another, an bechune tn two there was
starvation an cold an not enough blankets
on th' bed.
Th Galway woman was tn las to COM
plain. How she liver stud it as long as she
did lave fr others to say. Annyhow, whin
she come down to Halsted sthreet to make
application FIR help to tn Society FIR tn
Relief iv tn Desarvin' Poor she looked tin
feet tall an all white cheek bones an burn
In black eyes. 1t took her a long time to
make up her mind to go in, but she done II
an stepped up to where tn reel-estate man
Doughcrty, cheerman iv tn comity was
standin, with his back to tn stove, am his
hands undher his coat-tails They was
those that said Dougherty was big hear
rted man an give freely to tn poor. but
I'd rather take rough-on-rats firm YOU.
Hinnissy, thin sponge cake firm him or tn
likes iv him. He looked at her, finished a
discoorse on tn folly iv givin' to persons
with bad moral charackter an thin