davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
A Ready Made Uncle.

This story is told of the late Emperor
Frederick: 1t is strictly against the rules
of the military academy that a cadet
should enter any Of the "beer gardens" in
Berlin unaccompanied by relative A
young cadet hoping to be undeteoted, ven
tured one night unattended.
A gentleman came and sat at q small
table near him and began chatting pleas
antly, when suddenly one of the chiefs OF
the academy passed them. 'Sir," whis.
pered the lad, will you be my unoleP'
Certainly" said the gentleman, smiling.
Next morning at parade the unfortunate
youth, who had hoped to escape, was called
by name from the ranks. Tremblingly he
obeyed the call and came forward. "You
were in the beer garden last nightH'
gruffly said the captain. "Yes, sir, but I
was with my uncle" "Your uncle hap
pened to be the crown prince, who wrote
this morning to ask me to let you off pun
ishment. Never lot it happen again. -
Berlin Correspondent.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
How sala Praised Barnum.

remember being ot remarkable din
nef given to tho late Mr.. P. T. Baruum
at the Hotel Victoria, in Northum berland
avenue, .op the occasion of the last visit of
the famous Snowman to England. Mr..
George Augustus Sala presided. In the
reception room, where all were waiting to
welcome the guest Of the evening, Mr..
Barnum came in, beaming and, shaking
hands with the chairman, said, with a
strong Yankee accent, "This is indeed Q
surprise to me-" did you hear thatP"
Mr.. Sala whispered to me. "Why, he ar
ranged for the dinner himself"
There can be no. harm in telling the
story, as Mr.. Barnum himself, who pub
lioly put forward his claim to be acknowl-
edged humbug, would doubtless have
chuckled on hearing 1t told of him In his
lifetime. At the dinner which followed,
Mr.. Sala was in excellent form. The gist
Of his speech was this-that every great
man is Snowman.
"We have had," he said, Alexander
Barnum, Julius Caesar Barnum, Hannibal
Barnum, Napoleon Bonaparte Barnum.
But let me tell you, gentlemen, that the
shows Of all these Barnums, splendid as
they were, had certain drawbacks. They
made widows and orphans. Now, my
friend Phineas T. Barnum is totally diff
ferent sort of Snowman. 1t is he who re-
joices the hearts of the widow and the
orphan and Of all who go to see his won
derf;. c.cplayS"
All this may not seem very remarkable
in the reading, but delivered, as 1t was,
with an air Of intense earnestness that
seemed TO challenge any one to mortal
combat who dared to dispute the validity
of the great truths now for the first time
confded to the world, 1t set us all off in
commissions Of merriment, amid which the
speaker, save for merry twinkle Of the
eye, looked as sober as o judge.-London
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
Robbed Of His Rest.

"Therer'
AS the doorbell rang twice in succession
Blumer jumped up from his seat with a
look of intense annoyance and turned
round swiftly to face bis wife.
"Have you been shopping again'" he
inquired anxiously.
"No, DEAR" said Mrs. Blumer. II
haven't been out of the house today"
"Then," said Blumer, throwing down
his paper with gesture of impatience,
"it's caller. No sooner does man come
home from his work at the office, worn out
with the days struggle and prepared to
settle down to a quiet evening, than his
peace is disturbed by some confounded
bore. Society Is all very well in its way,
but what do these people care for us, or we
for themf Here was just congratulating
myself that 1 would be able to get good
nights rest, and now the dream Is over.
I've got to sit up and exert myself to be
pleasant to lot of idiots that wish were
in Halifax. It's just my luck--tired out,
all broken. Hello! What's thia A motel
Upmhl All, yes, of course! Where are my
shoes? Brush up my hat will your Not
moment to lose. Show him into the par.
lor, Dinah. III be there in minuta
where
"Who is it, DEAR" asked Mrs Blumer.
"Who is itp" repeated her husband as he
rushed by her into his room. "Who Is iti
Hoorayl It's Dimpleton, with two ticket:
| for the theaterP'-London Tt-Bits
Tho NoRTHWFsT onlv ri a wear.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
1T GROWS.

As a cure for constipation and in
digestion DR.. Caldwell'sS Syrup Pepsin
grows rapidly in favor where intro
duced. Children love its taste, for it
is so pleasant. Trial size 10c, regular
size SOC and $1.00 of Saur " Balsley.
Mr.. L. F. Korth, Editor Spring
field, o., Adler. says; lightning Hot
Drops is a splendid remedy for cuts,
burns, bruises scalds, etc. 1t is also
most valuable in summer ills OF all
kinds, relieving and curing acute
stomach and bowel troubles Of almost
every description, and we heartily
recommend it. For sale by Chas. F.
Clay.
/ had violent pains caused by dis
orders of the stomach, and Lightning
Hot Drops cured ME when other rem
edies failed.-LoUIs SAMUELs, Scott
St., Youngstown, o. For sale by
Chas. F. Clay.
Mrs. George Swartz. Park Hotel.
Youngstown, Ohio, says: II used
Lightning Hot Drops for a severe
case of cramps, and while othe RENE
dies failed to help me, Lightning
Hot Drops afforded me relief. For
sale by Chas. F. Clay. Napoleon. o.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
OBLI6INa COLONEL WHITE.
AL He Wanted Was q Hanging, and He
Got the Wrong One.

There wasn't any particular excitement
over the hanging of the man .poipted oCt
and arrested at Big Bend as the chap who
stole a pack mule from Colonel Whites
camp over on Fish river. One of Whites
men, who was over after bacon, happened
to meet the stranger, and he went to Jim
Redfern, president of the vigilance COM
mittee and said:
"Jim, is it good day fur hangin"
"Waal, tolerably far" replied Jim.
1.-THE kuss who stole our pack mewl Is
down in the tin front saloon"
IT see. And you want him hungr'
~ don't keer no great about 1t myself,
but reckon the kurS1l would be pleased"
"I'm willin to oblc3ge KuEnel White, as
he's good friend of mine, but do you
think the critter down thar has any OBJ
jeokshuns to bein hungP"
"He don't look like q man who'd kick
about it. Pears more like oritter who'd
be glad to be off the airth."
"Waal, Well take chances on him." said
Jim, and he went to his shanty and got
rope and asked or 10 Of the boys to go
along. When the crowd reached the tin
front saloon, the stranger was just coming
out.
"Say, we want you, remarked Redfern.
"What furP"
"Goin to hang you"
"Cause why?"
eur stealth Kurnel Whites pack
mewl."
'Waal, fire away"
he was escorted to q tree whereon a
dozen or more men had been duly hanged,
and lifted upon an empty whisky barrel
and the moose placed over his neck.
"Want to say anythingP" asked Jim as
all was ready.
''Nuthin tall"
"Then let 'er gol''
An hour later Whites man, who had
started for home, returned to hunt up Mr..
Redfern and say:
"Look a'yere, Jim, that feller didn't
steal our mewl."
"NoS"
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
Her Ticket Sixteen Years Old.

The fare from West Hampton, N. z, TO
Middletown, on the New York, Lake Erie
and Western railroad, Is 10 cents. was
aboard train which stopped at West
Hampton the other day, and my attention
was attracted by prim old maid who
stepped aboard there.
One could assert with safety, after
glance at her bonnet and shawl, that both
had done service for many years. Con-
ductor Mandavilie stopped at her seat to
get her ticket. She found it after some
time in an old fashioned pooketbook, the
flaps Of which were held together by an
elastic. band He smiled as he looked at
the ticket and when inquired about 1t
he passed It over for my inspection. 1t
bore the date, MAY 8, $780,"
"Ten cents" ho said. "And it's been
guarded 10 years. I'll bet there's no
mortgage on the house she lives in."
wondered why the ticket had not been
used before
"You can bet she Kept 1t because it was
worth 10 cents" said the conductor. He
was probably right, for when she reached
Middletown, as far as the old ticket would
take her, she bought another for Port
3ervis. View York Herald
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
A Novel Industry.

The man who timorously pushed open
the door Of the artists apartments plainly
belonged to the ranks Of the unprosper-
Gus.
"Pm lookin fur q job" he explained.
"DO you palntf' was the query in q
tone Of surprise.
"No. I'm a model-leastways I'm will
In ter make my debut in dat line"
Ever have any experiencer'
"Nope, but I'm prize. I'm a oontor-
Zionist. was maxim good money till de
show broke up"
II don't see why your accomplishments
as a contortionist should add to your de-
stability as a model"
"Dat's cause yer got de artistic temper
ament an don't keep yer eye open for busi-
ness. I'll put ye in shape ter make yer
fortune. All ye've gotter do is ter let me
get good and twisted an den pose fur ye,
an ye kin draw desc here poster pictures in
away dat'n make de other fellers in de biz
fairly sick wit jealousness. Washing
ton Star.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
Have Insects q LanguaGe7

Because we cannot understand or bear
1t there is no reason to suppose that insects
or animals have no language in which tc
communicate their Ideas to each other. 1t
has been demonstrated past question that
the world is as full Of sounds that we can
not hear as of sights that we cannot see.
That we will some day have what We
might, for lack of a better term, call a
microscope for the ear is as certain as that
we now have one for the eye, and We will
yet be able to distinguish sounds that are
now as imperceptible as are the bacilli In
ordinary drinking water. That insects
are able to communicate with each other
Is evident from their actions.
1t Is related that a naturalist, upon
meeting an advancing column OF ants, evil
IDENTIFY moving from one portion of the
country to another, caught one of the lead
ers and killed 1t, placing 1t exactly in the
middle of the path, at some distance ahead
of the column. The leaders ran back to
their comrades, and, putting their heads
close together, appeared to engage in AMI
mated conversation. Then 1t was apparent
that certain course was agreed upon.
The ants took up their line Of march, di-
viding the column in the middle, each
portion going around the place where their
dead relative lay, and although the way
was inconvenient and rough they came
no nearer than six feet to the dead body.
After passing 1t they Joined again and
went on without hesitation.
Every housewife knows that II mouse
is caught in trap and escapes 1t will be
extremely difficult to catch more mice in
that same trap for some days to come. Il
the mouse is made prisoner, IL evidently
leaves marks or warnings Of some sort fol
its fellows. After a number Of mice have
been caught in q trap those remaining vii
give 1t wide berth. Instances Of thii
kind might be multiplied indefinitely K
prove that all classes of living creatures
are able to make themselves understood b.
others Of their kind.-New York Ledger.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09

"Tney got the Teller and the mewI over
ct Clay City and hung him this mornin.
] thought this was the fsller, but l must
hev bin mistook."
81 see. Waal, he's bin hung and buried
and we can't help him any. Wen jest let
the next one of TO even up things. My
compliments to the kurnel, and tell him
shall always stand ready to obleege. DE
troit Free Press
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
VarU Ennnu

II wonder If johnson tells the truth
when he says his wife has such a sunny
dispositionf"
"0 course he does. Every time he does
not do exactly what she wishes she makes
1t hot for him. "-Cinoinnati Enquirer.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09

because the weather happens
to be warm. If you have a
weak throat, a slight hacking
cough, or some trouble with
the bronchial tubes, summer Is
the best time to get rid Of It.
If you are losing flesh there is
all the more need Of attention.
Weakness about the chest and
thinness should never 60 to-
gether. One greatly increases
the danger Of the other. Heal
the throat, cure the cough, and
strengthen the whole system
now. Keep taking SCOTS
Emulsion all summer.
For sale by all druggists at SOC and ss.oA
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09

Dig down to the cause of your sick
ness, if you want to get we'll and stay
well. Most likely it's indigestion.
The irritating poisons Of fermenting,
putrid food, left in the stomach by
indigestion, cause headache, neural
gia, nervousness, dizziness, stomach
ache. nausea, irritability, and all the
other well-known symptoms of indi-
gestion.
They also cause many pains and
disorders which are often laid to
other causes and hence are not easily
cured. But as soon as the poisons
are removed, all these symptoms and
disorders disappear, because there is
nothing left to cause them. Moth
ing succeeds in this like Shaker Di-
gestive Cordial, because 1t prevents
the undigested food from ferment-
ing in the stomach and helps the
stomach to digest its food.
Sold by druggists, price 10 cents to
81 90 per bottle.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
DR., DAVID KENNEDYS
FAv0R|TE REMEDY

cures all the sickness peculiar to their
sex; it fortifes the system against the
diseases incident to old age. 1t is the
best medicine in the world for wom-
en-.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
THE GREATEST SUFFERERS.

are women; their system being par
ticularly susceptible to arrangement
and disease,
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09

and tainted. Instead of carrying nourishment
to the different parts of the body 1t carries
poison, which settles at some point and eats
away the tissues. According to where 1t set
ties il is called liver or kidney or skin dis
ease-scrofula, erysipelas, eczema, or con.
sumption if it settles on the lungs. II is all
one trouble tainted blood clear out this
taint and build up the tissues with rich
blood and the disease is stopped; side
tracked it can't go any further. No matter
what the name of disease is If it's blood
disease, DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
covery will cure ii by driving the poison out
of the circulation and creating new sup
ply of healthy, red, life-giving blood to re-
vive and nourish the wasted tissues. 1t
puts the digestion in order, invigorates the
blood making organs and builds firm
healthy flesh. Consumption is blood.
disease. Don't believe It can't be cured
1t is cured every day by Dr.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery.
Dear Siy.-I cannot say enough for your Col
den Medical Discovery" For two years my little
boy suffered with lung trouble-frst taking Ia
grippe second Intermittent fever; third, lung
trouble. For two years he coughed. The ply
sician could do no good and thought he must
die was told to try DR.. Pierce's Golden Med
ical Discovery. did, and before he had taken
one bottle he began to mend and could eat
little When he had taken four bottles he was
well and now is as stout as before.
Respectfully yours,
oia, 1aua>zNa RAeAe
Proctor, Morgan Co., Mo.
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
"GOhFORT,
STRENGTHENING,
HEALING.

81 do not ndanything so comforting and
Strengthening and healing for the throat and
chest in cases of severe cold. 1t cured me
of a case of dry post-nasal catarrah, seven
years ago.
NEARLY four years ago had the la Grippe
and pneumonia, and it left me weakly.
used Compound Oxygen and it put new life
all over and through me-"
REV. GEO. BUCKLE,
Elizabeth, New jersey.
If you will learn more of the wonderful
remedy which has produced such results as
above described; send for book of 200 pages
sent free. Address,
DRS. STARKEY & PALEN,
1529Arch ST., Philadelphia, Pa, SanFran-
cisco, CAL, Toronto, Canada. oct 24-1yr
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09
Disease Is like q

Disease Is like Q
railroad train. II
has a regular way of
coming and going
and keeps on stead
lily along a certain
track. You can al
most always tell how
a disease starts, and
where II will prob
ably end. II won't
go out Of its way
to oblige you any
more than a locomo-
tive will. Disease
usually begins when
the appetite give S
out-that's the hrst
warning whistle.
Then the stomach
and nutritive organs
fail to supply good
blood. The ciTcula-
..on nro.,c 1Oor thin
Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-07-09

The NORTHWEST only 81 a year.
Arizona republican., 1896-03-27
THE KEY TO SUCCESS.
It Pays to Put Things on the Market in
 Prime Couditioni

It Pays to Put Things on the Market in
 Prime Couditiout
 The farmer who is contented with average crops sold in the average con- dition must expect only average prices. He who produces anything and puts it on the market in prime condition is the one who is going to make sales first and get top prices. The average man comes along later. No matter what you have to sell, put it in the best possible condition for market and see to it that you can adopt the same motto that we once saw in barrel of ap- pies in the east. When the head was taken out of that barrel there was ex- posed printed slip which said: This package was produced and packed by John Smith, who guarantees that when you see the top you see the whole" The commission man told us that he never had any trouble with anything that man sent in, for his rep utation had been made. He not only packed his fruit and vegetables in the best manner, but sorted the sizes, and when the package was opened the buyer knew just what to expect from top to bottom. We know a farmer who takes his grain to market and dumps it wherever the buyer tells him to, and is then asked how many bush els he had. His grain is never looked at nor weighed by the man who has weighed it for years; if it is not in good condition he insists on inspection, but if he knows it is all right he un- loads and gets his pay. A reputation of that kind is worth more than a good farm, for it brings a greater return. Honesty is not only the best policy, but it is absolutely necessary to final sue cess. Carelessness is the costliest habit farmer can fall into, and trick cry, while it may seem to succeed for time, must cost more than it comes to in the end.-Connecticut Farmer.
Arizona republican., 1896-03-27
FAMOUS FACES.

PITT had fiery red face and terri ble scowl.
 PHILIP THE GREAT of Macedon had a large mole on his neck.
 HAYDN had long nose, an almost in- variable peculiarity of genius.
 TAssos features were regular and pleasing, but he had wild eye.
 CHARLES I. wore a pointed beard, in the style known as the Vandyke.
 VEsPAsIAN had a large, red face, with high cheek bones and heavy chin.
 THE duke of Wellington had great Roman nose and a stern, forbidding face.
 ADDISON had regular and quite pleas ing features, unmarked by dissipation. CHAUCER looked like dandy, the inn pression being intensified by his dress. NAPOLEON III. had a dull, almost stupid, face. He generally seemed half asleep.
 POPE's features were small and deli cate. All his life he was very pale and looked sickly.
 VITELLIUs had very gross features. He is said to have weighed two hun dred and fifty pounds.
 RUBINsTEIN wore his hair in the Beethoven style, which has always been popular among pianists.
Arizona republican., 1896-03-27
FREED DECORATIONS.

THE Order of the Ear of Corn is the peculiar title of an order established in Brittany in 1442. Its members took an oath to encourage as far as possible the agricultural interests of the country.
 DURING the days of Armenian inde- pendence an order was founded in that most ancient of countries; it was en- titled the Order of St. Blaise, and was esta blished by an Armenian king in 117O.
 THE Order of Christian Charity was established in France in 1858, for the purpose of encouraging organized be- nevolent effort. It was one of the few distinctions more benevolent than po- htical or social.
 THE Order of the Deaths Head is the somewhat peculiar designation of an order of knighthood, founded by Louisa Elizabeth, of Marburg, in 1709. It is a female order and has very limited membership.
 BEFORE the days ot the empire, the most highly coveted distinction in France was the star of the Order of St. Denis. It was founded in 1267, and was greatly encouraged during the lat ter days of the Bourbons.
Arizona republican., 1896-03-27
A HUMCLED DANDY.
The Heartless Trick Played Upon Him by
 Lord Randolph Churchill.


 At an entertainment once, where Lady Randolph Churchill was playing on the piano, says Kate Fields Wash ington, tall youth was observed pay ing languid and rather insolcnt atten- tion to the music, standing close enough to the performer to have his comments easily overheard by her. Lord Randy was close at hand, too, and presently heard the vapid youth remark: ='Deuced fine music, you know, but it lacks veal soul-it lacks veal soul" To the critics astonishment, a muscular young man, with big mustache, whom he had not noticed before, whispered in his ear: ''For shilling I'd wallop the life out of you!" He hastened to withdraw, but without discovering the identity of the author of the menace. The next day, to his delight, he received an invi- tation to the Churchills' home, which he accepted with avidity. On entering the house he was met by his threatening neighbor of the night before, who, he at once discerned, must be Lord Ran dolph. He proceeded no further than the entrance hall, for Churchill beck oned to the drawing-room, and out foated Lady Churchill. "This fellow has come to apologize to you for his re- marks of last night" hissed Lord Ran dolph. "Now," to the stranger, 'down on your knees!" Down went the dandy, hsping out the most abject plea for for giveness. Then he was turned over to footman to be put ignominiously out of the door, while the host followed his retreating figure with roar of de- risive laughter