davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
WOODS COMMERCIAL
COLLEGE
AND SCHOOL OF SHORTHAND AND
TYPEWRITfNG.

AND SCHOOL OF SHORTHAND AND
TYPEWRITiNG.
A Practical Business Education can be ae-
quired only in a Practical Business School.
A Commercial School of High Grade, which
couples n good English education with . sys-
tematic business training
11TH YEAR-USDER HI SAME PKTscRAL-
A complete alI-around equipment for busi-
ness life including the English branches, with
bookkeeping, Shorthand, TypewTiting. Cor,
rcspOndeuce, NercauciIe Customs and Forms-
Commercial Law, Economics and Ciyics-
Graduates arc successfully assisted 70 posi-
tious.
Hon. T.. Strobe Farrow, Auditor of the War
Department Hon Henry q. Bell, Deputy
Commissioner Of Pensions; Hon Herman W.
Srow, Sergeant At Arms of the House of Rep
resentatives, and hundreds OF other prominent
men have patronized our college, and they
one and all highly recommend our system of
instruction to ali who desire n thorough edu
cation at q reasonable expenditure Of time and
money
Gail or send for illustrated catalogue con-
tanning the pictures of 81 graduates
COURT +. WOOD, L. L. NJ,
Principal
i viii give i've private lessons. free of
charge, to any one who viii take a course Of
lessons as the result OF this Advertisement.
oct - le9o-tf. c. T. W.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
cumberland valIeyR z. r.
Time Table in effect Dec. 2. 1895.

Additional trains Will leave Carlisle Tor
Harrisburg daily, except Sunday. at 5.45 A.
NJ, 700 A. NJ, 1910 p. NJ, S.45, P. NJ, $50
P. NJ. and from Mechanicsburg at 6-lO A.
P. M, 40 P. M. SIS p NJ and 6.35 P. ~.
Stopping at End street, Harrisburg, to let off
passengers.
risbuig and Hagerstown.
On Sundays No. 4 arrives Baltimore 4:2O 2.
NJ, Philadelphia 5:57 p. m, New York S:23
Through coach from Hagerstown to Phila-
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Music Lessons.

MADAM and MISS BERTHA RUIZ, will
LHI- resume their class in Vocal and Iustru-
mental Music Sept. End, 1885. at their resi-
dence on the corner of Samuel and Liberty
streets, ana any one wishing Vocal or Instru-
mental Lessons will save time md money nv
taking from them. They will teach Vocal in
class and special. and Instruments as folio vs.
Piano. Organ. Violin. Gnitar and Banjo.
Terms moderate.
Aug. %, 1875.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
February 10, 1Ss9-y.

EAsTERDAY & co. have the Finest and
h Largest Assortment of Stoves that was
ever IN Charles Town, and we are selling them
Oct, 22, 1895. YESTERDAY & co.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Western Maryland r. r.
CONNECTING WIFE

WITH
P. & R. R. at Shippensburg and Gettysburg
Norfolk 81 Western Il. r. at Hagerstown;
B.&O.R.R.at Hagcrstown and Cherry
Run; Penna.R.R. al Brnceville aud
Hanover p. w & B., n. O..
and B. & p. Railroads
at Union Station,
Baltimore. Md.
.n.Ie c.-kL.a... % foor
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Hauling.

THE undersigned is prepared to do Hauling
Il Of all kinds, either with Cart or Wagon. al
moderate rates Delivering of merchandise
and baggage 70 and from the railroad depofs
0 speciality. Orders left at the Livery stabIe
of Mr. Joseph Hunt viii receive prompt at
teq pso ao 100 EDGAR I. GLAZE
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Tine a b ia
effect Oct. 20, 1895.
until further notice
NORTHWARp.

Trains No. 400. sOS. and 4l6 are daily ex-
kd5itionai mixed train leaves Charles Town
nj ? ~ a NJ. aud As P ". arrives ut Har-
nar's Ferry at $50 a. NJ and 515 p. ~, ex-
cent Sundar-
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

If you would always be healthy, keep your
blood pure with Hoods Sarsaparilla, the One
True Blood Purifier.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

Additional local trains VIII leave HnFrlsblrg,
daily; except Sunday. for Carlisle aud inter-
mediate stations, at 9.35 A NJ, 2.25 z. NJ, $40
p. NJ, go PM. $50 and lO.55 Z. NJ, also for
Mechanicsfurg and intermediate stations at
7.4S A. NJ. and 1l.20 A. NJ. All of
the above trains viii stop at I'd street, Harris
burg, to take on passengers.
Nos. 3 and 8 run daily between Harrisburg
and Hagerstown.
Through coach from Philadelphia to Ha-
gerstown on trains Nos. 3 and 9.
Connection for all stations on Cumberland
Valley Railroad and Pennsylvania Railroad
system. j. T. BOYD, Supt.
Fl. a. RIDDLE, Gen. Pass. Agt-
Nov, 26, 1895.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Ladies' Hair Work.

AFIsS IDA TUTwILER is prepared to do
WI Hair Work at moderate prices, and viii
make b raids. Puffs. Curls, Frizzes. etc. aires
idence of her father, near the Baptist Church,
in Chariestown-
April 1. 1ST9-tf.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
LACKsMITHING

Light or Heavy, in frst-class manner
Special attention paid to Repairing Mill
Spindles. l have one of the latest improved
Turning Lathes which cannot be excellcd in
the State, for Turning Iron and Chasing Screws,
on hand Pipe of all sizes, aud am prepared to
Cut Threads. or Screws on the same; also
keep on hand all kinds of Brass Cocks; Globe,
| Angle and Check Valves of jenkins Bros. Pa
tent Seats of Philadelphia; all sold under
guarantee of thirty days. and if not found sat
isfactory return and 1 will refund the amount
paid. / keep in stock Packing of different
kinds for making Steam-Tight Joints; also
manufacture the Sun-Fish Pillow, improved. in
three different sizes, US follows: n Heavy
Three-Horse, Two and Three, and. u regular
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Boarding.

CEvERAL Gentlemen can be accommodate
. with Board by
Narch1s, 1855 If.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

When Baby was sick, we gave her castoria.
When she was a Child, she cried for castoria.
When she became Miss. she chung to castoria.
When she had Children, she gavethem castoria
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Jno. 4. Washington. r. W. Alexander.
Washington & Alexander,
Insurance Agency


once Gibson Building. Charles Town. W Va
Representing the following Companies
The old and reliable
HrNALIFE INSURANCE COMPANY.
Of Hartford, Conn,
Giving the best results TO policy holders. and
which has q larger amount OF poheles IN
jefferson County than all other Lie
Insurance Companies together
Liverpool IL London & Globe, OF England.
Manchester Fire Assurance Co, OF Eng
land. Scottish Union and NATIONAL.
of Scotland and the Royal Insur-
ance Co.. OF Liverpool, the
largest foreign Co.'S doing
business in America
ETNA. OF HARTFORD
The largest aud most popular Fire Insurance
Company in America-
Peabody, of Wheeling, W Va
Jefferson, of Wheeling
German Fire, of Wheeling
Fire and Marine. of Wheeling
Phoenix. of Hartford.
Virginia Fire and Marine, of Richmond. Va
Georgia Home, of Columbus. ia.
Fire Association. of Philadelphia, Pa
Continental. Of New York
Merchants Insurance Co., of Newark, n. J.
JEFFERSON COUNTY MUTUAL FIRE
INSURANCE COMPANY.
Alllosses promptly adjusted and paid at our
Agents:
j. s. FLEMING, shepherdstown, W. Va.
CHAs. II. TRAIL, Harper's Ferry, W. Va.
A sworn statement of the conditions OF all
Foreign Insurance Companies represented in
this Agency will be found at the Clerks Office,
in compliance with the State laws.
We solicit O continuance of your patronage.
Respectfully,
WASHINGTON & ALEXANDER.
Feb. 10, 1898.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
GEO. C. THOMAS,
Phoenix Carriage Works,
Berryvtue, Clarke County, Va.

T HAVE for years built q large variety of va
i rious styles of CARRIAGES and WAGONS;
they have been in use among our people, and
have given satisfaction in every instance as far
as 1 have been able to ascertain. Through this
experience I have learned what vehicles suitthe
people best, and what are best adapted to thei-
wants. 1 manufacture a handsome wagon
known as the
WhitneySide-B ar Spring
very neat and stylish in appearance, and a very
pleasant riding wagon. Also all styles and pat
terms of Carriages, Buggies, Jaggers, Jenny
Linds and Phatons. 1 keep on hand a large
stock, but am prepared to ill orders at short
notice. Prices suited to the times. and satisfac-
altogether the Old Reliable
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Palnting, Papering, &c.

TNHE nndersign ed is prepared to do all kinds
= of Painting. Granting, Paper Hanging,
given to all orders. T. NJ. BAKER.
May 2, '9S-tf.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

TTsE LIGHT & WILSON'S Glyeerine Lo
~ ton for chapped hands, face and lips; In
I nothing better for keeping on chaps
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
Raantua-M Making.

SERs.J j. o. TUTwILER is prepared to un-
III dertake Misunderstanding and all kinds of
Family Sewing. atreascnublcrates. Residence
On Samuel street, near the Baptist Church
April 2S. 1SSI-tf
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

OFFERS to the people of Jefferson County
" Insurance in a safe Company ut the actual
cost of insurance, which is much cheaper than
the rates usually charged, and keeps the money
at home. Good risks from responsible parties
are invited.
Executive Committee meets every Friday
DIREcToRs-Jos. Trapnell. Henry B. Daven-
port, j. Garland Hurst, John w. Rider, w. Il.
I. Lewis, r. Preston Chew, VIM. L. Wilson,
Eugene Bakers W. Washington, H L. Snyder,
VIM. C. Frasier. JOIN a. little, Jacob s.
Melvin. E. G. w. Herr. Isaac I'll. Strider.
/. II. S4RIDER,.. President.
II. B. DAVENPORT........... Treasurer.
-CoMMITTEE-J. G.. Hurst. VIM.
h. I Lewis, Eugene Baker, Isaac Fl. Strider,
Jos. Trapncll, S. W. Washington.
Local Observation-Disclosures. G.. Shirley !;
Harper's Ferry-Chas. II. Trail; Shepherds
town.. s. Fleming; Charlestown-Washing-
ton 81 Alexander.
Jan. 12, 1S92-odn12, 20.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

TO AI WHUII It UuY JUHltIH-
/ take this method of announcing to the
farming community of Jefferson and adjoining
counties, that 1 do all kinds OF Machine Re
pairing. such rs Traction and Portable En-
zines. Wheat Threshers, Grain Drills. Wheat
Fans, Corn Shelters. and in fact all kinds of
Repairing, in both Wood and Iron also make
Smoke Sfacksfor Stationary aud Portable En-
gines, Patching Steam Boilers. and putting in
new fews or tubes. Am prepared to do all
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

Address P. o. Box 81.
September II, 1889.
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
ScpOfula

Is a d~eep-seated blood disease which
all the mineral mixtures in the world
cannot cure. SIS. Guaranteed prey
vegetable is a real blood remedy for
blood diseases and has no equal.
Mrs. Y. I. Buck, of Delaney, Ark, mao
Scrofula for twenty-five years and most
of the time was under the care of b
doctors who could not relieve her. A
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10
JEFFERSON FOUNDRY
AND
Machine Shops,


Situated on Berryyille Turnpike, within the
Corporate Limits of Charlestown-
Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1896-03-10

specialist said he
could cure her, but
he filed her with
arsenic and potash
which almost ruined
her constitution. She
then took nearly
every so-ca11ed blood
medicine and drank
hen blythe wholesale,
but they did not reach
her trouble. Some
one advised her to try
S.S.S and she very
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21
cruel mercy shot him through the heart.
Patrick O'Hely bishODt of Mayo anC

cruel mercy shot him through the heart.
4 Patrick O'Hely, bishop of Mayo, and
Con. O'Rourke o. S. F., were put to death
at Kilmallock. They were beaten with
rods, we are told, they were ttaen placed
on a rock, sharp points and needles were
thrust between the nails and the flesh, the
fingers were cut off,, their arms and feet
beaten with hammers and their thigh bones
broken. Refusing to conform after the
torture, they were taken from the rock
and hanged from their religious gird,es
which were used as halters. The death
took place in 1877.
More cruel even was the death inflicted
upon Dermot O'Hurley, archbishop of;
Cashei, in 1884. According to Stanhurst,
a Dublin citizen of those days, "the exc
cutioners placed the archbishop's feet and
legs in boots filed with oil, they fastened
his feet in stocks and put fire under them
The oil, heated by the flames penetrated
the soles, legs and other parts; torturing
them in an intolerabie degree, SO that
pieces of the skin dropped from the flesh,
and portions of the flesh from the barred
bones" BY a refinement Of cruelty the
archbishop was nursed back to compare
tive health, and then hanged Gin green
near the CITY," which tradition states to
be Stephens Green.
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21
A GREAT LAWYER
An Original Argument That Won the

An Uri2snai Argument nat won the
Day.
There are four bosom companions in
Jacksonville-tEe broker, the dentist, the
undertaken and the capitalist. Where you
see one OF them you will find the rest
taking a drink. The undertaken and the
capitalist admire the dentist and the
broker because they can tell such wonder
fully clever stories. The broker and the
dentist revere and love the undertaken
ard the capitalist because they are such
wonderfully good listeners, says the Flor
ida Citizen.
This happy, ad,niring quartet form an
ideal round table, and around the round
table the two listeners often hear good
stories by the dentist and the broker.
The dentist is an imaginative sort Of a
story-teller, who manufactures fnales to
fit Incidents The broker is a great read
er, q realist and 2 philosopher.
One night the broker told OF a lawsuit
in Alabama. A cracker from the noun
wounding q "nigger." He was arrested
led the broker to defend him The broker
was not a lawyer in the legal sense of
the word, but the judge, who was an old
collegemate Of his, said he was an idiot
because he wasn't one; in other words,
that he was a lawyer by instinct. The
broker cross questioned the witnesses
briefly, sending in ilow and then a sar-
castle and dlsconafiting trajectory When
he CAME to make a. speech he said:
Gentlemen OF the .Iury-I have taken
great pains to show you that my client
was a respectable citizen. Ten witnesses
have asserted-on oath. mind you-that
he stands high in his community"
+, The defendant was feet inches tall.
and the Jury snli.ad. .e
....He stood high in his community and
that is sufficient Now for the law. We
find In the thirteenth verse Of the six
teenth chapter Of Chitty on Pleadings-
Chitty, gentlemen, was one OF the brayest
generals OF the confederate army--this
we'll l-esta blished principle OF law"
Here the broker snaps his eyes together
and adjusts his glasses, holds. the book
far off, elevates his chin, and reads:s
No respectable white man can be
guilty Of crime
"That gentlemen, is enough. I leave
the case in your hands"
! Each juror changed his guild, looked al
his neighbor, nodded, and, without ,eav-
ing their seats rendered a loud and en-
phatic verdict of mot guilty" and then
joined in three cheers for the defendant
and his lawyer.
The undertaken found fault with the
story because nobody In it had been
killed.
The dentist remarked that if anybody
deserved killing it was the broker. +
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21
"SuLPAuR|C AClD"
= - .,-s!1T + i,
How a Name Was Found to Pit the
f = - III @ .,F1ssIo +t 3a1t-41 t %4

How q Name Was Found to Pit the n I.
,f1uIe. .5S y. @t9s e Nj
The 3colored man had tied his mule to 3
a telegraph pole while he went into the
feed store When he came out he found e a H
the animal industrioEsly gnaWing q hole
into the. wood, according to the Washing
why. don't you feed your mule? q
.bystander inquired. \. \. y. D AS
s.Feed um /! sMistah, gibs dat mule i've
! gits. He's. wuss'ner goat. Scrap iron
doan, stop i'm no mon ez II 'twilisSSSSB.
short'nin' bread N
,'ssHe must have remarkable dtigesrg5
tion. s3.. !. + 4Iss
4 .ssDes only ting dat makes dat sia lrla,ss
mile er mueI is an accident Of birth ~ sIs
he'd happened ter hab two latgs std n1sssl n9ss
fou' he'd Of been er ostrich. IL sssS as as
While. the hitching strap. was being nsasSs
tied the mule became restless and
owner cried: IS I. .as; s'3 sS s5SsV :ssaass
hoa, dar, Sn1phuric Acid 5
whats that you cali him e. r. 'sf
q tt:ssul sulphuric Acid Ills name slster n
JuliusE aesar' sSsgsS sIss
did you happen 10 chang a'sss ssSE
B .alal, sub, IS, didIi,t mar egsi n1s
Caesar ia de fus place and d X tasl
did link dat Wit er lon sssel ~ ~
mule AIT name mad 81
l1aer ears open for sunni me- ssspr0pfd
one day when sI lone broke.
John Il huyilf1d ii1a say ss
aIn tlie de- hi III sesk Ing dat
aook l1o
4r chfi ~
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21

Story OF One Branch of the Presidents s
Family.

Famny.
In the little graveyard of Derrykeighen,
among the fair hills Of Antrim, on the
northeast coast of ireland is mossgrown
ivy-wreathed monument. Long ago it was
erected there by the hands of sturdy Pres
byterian patriots.
The body of their comrade a few
troubled months before had dangled from
A gallows in the public square in Coler-
aine, few miles away. That comrade
was William Mckinley of Dervock.
The United Trjshmen we're called to the
field to do battle with England's redcoats.
Mckinley and his men went southwark,
past Ballymena. until they Joined Nc
Crackers forces. They were with him at
the battle of Antrim, when victory for a
time blessed the arms of the patriots and
they were among the last to seek safety in
flight, when accident, working for the
British, turned the tide to defeat and dis
aster. 5.-: =
Mckinley ventured back to Dervock be-
lieving himself safe among his old neigh
bors, who would be sure to battle the
hunting parties of yeomanry.
1t was fatal STEP The price for a
rebel was tempting. Il
At Dervock lived man named Chest
nut Smith. He betrayed McKinley's hid
ing place.
Mckinley was marched to Coleraine,
where, before sundown, he was tried by
drumhead court martial and sentenced to
be hanged. .t
That night he was swung off a cart,
and when the soldiers tired of iabbing
his body with their bayonets, his head
was cut off and fixed on a spike at the
Town Hall.
wi1,ism @ = came % - Anerica % some ea vears Ne hs.
fore having been driven from their
homes for their opposition to English
misrule, and from one of them has sprung
the William Mckinley who now holds the
highest honor within the gift Of the
people ~
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21
HoW THE PARROT TALKED
A Knowing Bird That Made Obser-
.z-... yatiOnS.

New York News: Cheese it, Bill! There
are others"
Nothing more appropriate could have
occurred to human being than this ap-
peal in the vernacular, which an alarmed
parrot emitted two hours before the last
Sabbata's dawn. The parrot, with about
so birds Of a feather, fox and a hare, a
badger, but no hear, some birds Of the
greenwood tree, some funny little rabbits,
with their funny little habits, and a Chinese
chimpanZee, we're located In the bird store
OF Mr.. Rosenthal, 1874 East Houston street,
and the occasion for Sunday mornings fi,It-
ter was the burglarious visit Of some un-
known sportsman, who, having no shotgun
with him, proceeded to rife the cages.
''Get out, you're kidding!' said the par
rot. =,
"Come off your. perch, replied the rob-
ber, and this is exactly what the parrot
had to do.
Mr.. Rosenthal was not informed of his
loss until $50 Sunday morning, and as he
opened the door the few remaining birds
fell over each other in an effort to tell him
all about it.
'Hey. pop, there wuz three Of emp
DIR. Parkhurst done it,"
Help! Help! Help! It was Hanna"
<'Hooray! Hooray! Hooray:"
The two rabbits that remained said never
a word. But they were exceedingly an
noyed.
"What did he look like?" asked Mr..
Rosenthal.
Like an Italian replied staid cid
parrot with gray w.]liskers.
you're a liar" exclaimed the guinea
pig, who, for soase unknown reason, did
not like this aspersion on Italians
At this moment Detective Busis arrived
from the Fifth street station, but before
beginning his investigation he picked up
the old gray fowl to examine him. This,
is the first thing detectives always do; they
examine the parrots that have not been
stolen.
"The beak in the hand is worth two in
The Bush" remarked the parrot, as he dove
his beak into the fist Of the detective.
+. t'WelisFwhat is The resulteaf your ipves-
tigation?' asked MIR Rosenthal.
'"I find," said the detective, "that ii the
thief kept those parrots he is q chump.'
But Bush did not rest here. He really
did follow up the case to the ienouement
Of an arrest, His prisoner was Daniel
Altmost Of 215 EEdridgs street, who swore
that the large number of parrots that had
been seen in his possession had been pur-
chased by him from a drunken sailor.
In Essex Market court he was discharged
but the. gray parrot grinned when he
heard the news.
That's right" he said. 'sblame it on a
sailor"
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21

~ 4 4 aEs. T, . &.
party to aid In, raising funds without
which 1t would be impossible for 1T to
carry on its work.
All funds contributed. in response to
this appeal will be held at the disposal Of
the Irish party, to be used for the ex-
penses Of the party and the movement
during the coming year, in accordance
with such regulations as may be laid
down by the party at it's next sessional
meeting. -
Remittances for the fund and communi- :
cations in connection Herewith should
be addressed to ..
MESSRS. J. F.. X. O'BRIEN, "i
SAMUEL YOUNG, y
THOMAS CURRAN.
Treasurers of the Irish party, at "a
Rutland Square, Dublin, and will be &C.
knowledged by them and by the Free
mans Journal. (Signed -
JOHN DILLON,
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21
LIKE A WOMAN !
Opening valise Caused Trouble in the
Family. H.,

He had just returned from New York.
where ne had been called three days be-
fore upon urgent business. The honey
moon was scarcely over, and besides it
was his first absence since they were
united. The three days had seemed to
both like three long years. But now he
had returned and she was in his arms
once more. Promise after promise had
been renewed and vows of eternal fidelity
exchanged, according to Up-to-Date. N
"And you will never, never drink,
dear?" she murmured
dearest, you know have never done
so.'' he replied in injured tones.
"And you will never gamble, either,
dear, will you?" she asked.
stPreciolls, I have never gambled."
"And you will never never use tobacco
again, my idol?"
.'Never, never again, my dear, since
you wish it so.'' -,
And she believed him, in her woman's s
way, and all was merry as a marriage
bell. But he mentioned his valise, and
little struggle ensl1ed.
He would go and get his valise, he said
s'No, no, he was tired, she would get it..
s.No, no, $4
But yes, yes. Was she going to let
him walk across the room for nasty
old va.ise and he so tired? No, indeed.
She would go and get it herself, and open
it for him, too, and so there!
When she said $50 there" he knew.
there was nothing left for him but to
submit gracefully, and he submitted. But
alas! What followed
She opened the yalise.
What was in it?
!. One large empty flask, one pack play
ing cards, new; three packs ditto. old;
one meerschaum pipe. a few poker chips,
sundries.
That was all. One Of these scenes.
which battle ali description followed
But finally the porter came and ex-
planned that he had sent UP the wrong
valise T.'.
Both are slowly recovering.
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-11-21
FAINT HEART.

Cholly--I wonder why they say love
makes the world go round? /. . .s
AIgy--Well, aw-the risk of a spwoposal
lis apt to make one dizzy. Texas siftings.