Evening journal., 1896-11-21


all the credit. If you persist in dab
bling in the affairs of state I win not
answer for the consequences. You
nave a mOnomania for vote-buvine
Inc more you indulge the propensity.
the stronger the inclination becomes
nave known cases in which the vic
tlms OF political hallucination of this
KIND nave landed in Jail and peniten-
tiaries. Get away from the temptation
and you will feel better.
Addicks-Father, l would like to re-
tam you in the interest of the Union
republican party for the election two
years hence. Here is S35 now and
more TO come. All you have to do is TO
register in East Dover hundred and
vote the straight ticket I'll give you
letter to Frank Alice and he'll look out
ior you, and Will make you our boss
heller in Kent.
rather Schrader-My son, keep your
money. l need it not. You forget your
sell. Where is your handkerchief?
Addicks-Here it is, father. I'm sorry
l can't get the weight of your influence
and vote. Keep the $50 and simply as
sure me that you won't vote the regu-
lar Republican ticket.
Father Schrader-Friend, yours is a
pad case. You have reached that stage
OF the disease which makes you be
leVe Jhat every man has his price. /
pity you and forgive you. Here is your
handkerchief with my accompanying
blessing. Wrap it around your pocket
DOCK, for that is the seat of the disor-
der. You had better not go out that
back way. A man by the name of Hig-
gins just went out that way, and / have
an idea that he is waiting for you.
Pass out the way by which you came
Poor man! SO fine-looking and ac-
complished. too. When a man once
becomes convinced that he was cut out
for United States senator the case is
almost hopeless. He goes on and on.
wasting his time and money endeavor-
ing to get that which can never be his,
until disillusioned by some severe
shock or the infirmities of advancing
years.
Attendant-Father Schrader, General
Grants diminutive double is in the
hallway and would fain to come in.
Father Schrader-Tell him to leave
his firearms on the hatrack and enter.
Hastings-Have pity on me, father!
Father Schrader-My dear old fell
low, pity is my stock in trade. / give
it freely whenever asked. There is no
limit to II, for it costs me nothing. Do
you suffer much?
Hastings Suffer, Ye godsi
Father Schrader-Pray, respect the
amplitude of my cloth Keep cooli
Don't be in a hurryi Compose your
self, and then tell me your sad, sad
story
Hastings-Father, don't know
where to begin. ! have that dark
brown taste in my mouth My head
seems to buzz all the time There is
a rumbling noise in my ears. as though
heavy cog-wheels We're working in my
brain. 1 seem TO want something all
the time
Father Schrader-How long since the
development of that symptom Of want
ing something?
Hastings-On November / was
reading the election returns, and all at
once a thousand voices began whisper
ing in my ear. Wash, you want some
thing!" and they have been keeping it
up ever since. ! can't drive them
away. The more / try the more vo-
ciferous and insistent they become.
don't know what l want. but / don't
expect a cabinet position.
Father Schrader-Your condition in
dicates that you have been under great
nervous strain for many months.
Hastings-You are right. Nobody
knows what / have had to suffer. You
see, Sperry went to Persia and left me
his Morning News proxies He told
me to dictate the policy of the paper
and that is what l have been doing
Before the election / had the paper
dam Addicks for everything abomina-
Bile. / sat up until the small hours of
the night writing nasty things about
him. There was no let up. But since
the election. for the sake of preventing
the Democrats from securing control
of the State Senate and Constitutional
Convention / have been blessing Ad-
dicks and damning the Democrats. /
think that in making the turn / twisted
my back, for il has been hurting ME
dreadfully ever since A man can't in
dulge in gymnastic feats of that kind
without hurting himself in the back
or in the eyes of the people.
Father Schrader-Haye you a hand
kerchief?
Hastings-Yes, here it is.
Father Schrader-Lay this ac-oss
your back when you retire. You also
need a tonic for your conscience. Take
a little tincture of iron just for con-
sistency's sake.
Attendant-There is another caller.
Father Schrader-Admit him.
Hastings, you'll find your friend Hig-
gins out there by the back door Give
the countersign or you may get tn
cornerstone Of dwelling house
alongside of the head. Ah here is an
other man in need of help.
Bradford-GOod evening, Father
Schrader. l am Mr. Bradford. Hear
ing that you were in town ] thought
would call to see you. Ergo For
some time / have felt the need of your
ministrations. Constatl AS soon as
1 heard that you had arrived l hurried
around for the purpose of consulting |
you. Ecce homOl
Fa her Schrader-Do you suffer
much?
Bradford-No, my malady hurts my
friends more than it hurts me. Ergo! |
| am a monomaniac on the subject Of
letter writing When l make up my
mind to write a letter to the public /
there is no stopping me. have had