Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-11-08
IRISH BULLS.

One Of the most interesting of recent
compilations is the Handy Book of Lit
erary Curiosities." by William S Walsh,
published by j. b. Lippincott. From this
book is gathered the collection of Irish
bulls hereto appended:
Ny dear, come in and go TO bed" said
the wife of a jolly son of Erin who had
just returned from the fair in a decidedly
how-come-you-so state; you must be
dreadful tired, sure. with your long walk
Of six miles" "Arrah. get away with
your nonsense" said Pat; 1t wasn't the
length Of the way at all that fatigued me,
twas the breadth OF It"
A young Irishman who had married
when about nineteen years of age COM
planning of the difficulties to which his
early marriage subjected him, said: He
would never marry so young again If he
lived to be as ould as Methuselah."
An invalid. after returning from n
southern trip said to a friend: "Oh,
shure. an it's done me "a worruld o. good.
Roin' away. I've come back another man
altogether; I'm fact. I'm quite my"elf
again."
An eccentric lawyer thus questioned a
client: so your uncle. Dennis O'Flaher-
ty had no family?" None at all, your
honor" responded the client The lawyer
made memorandum Of the reply, and
thus continued VERY good. And your
father, Patrick OFlaherty, did he have
chick or child?"
Two Irishmen We're working IN a quarry
when one Of them fell into a deep quarry
hole The other, alarmed. came to the
margin OF the hole. and called out: Ar
rah. Pat, are We killed intirely? II ye're
dead. spake." Pat treasured him from
the bottom by saying in answer: No,
Tim, I'm not dead, but I'm speechless."
A domestic newly engaged, presented
to his master one morning n pair Of boots,
the leg Of one of which was much longer
than the other.
How comes it that these boots are not
Of the same length?'
II rally don't know sir; but what bothers
me the most is that the pair down stairs
are i'm the same fix"
An Irshman. having feet OF different
sizes. ordered his boots to be made ac-
cordngly. His directions were obeyed.
but as he tried the smallest boot on his
largest foot he exclaimed. petulantly:
"Confound that fellow, I ordered him TO
make one larger than the other, and in
stead OF that he has made one smaller
than the other
An irish magistrate censured some boys
for lettering I'm the streets, argued: IF
everybody We're to stand in the streets
how could anybody get by?'
An Irshman got out OF his carriage at
a railway station for refreshments, but
the bell rang and the train left before he
had finished his repast. "Hould on" cried
Pat, as he ran like q mailman after the
car. "hould on, you murther'n old stame
injin; you've got a passenger on board
that's left behind"
An old Dublin woman went to the chan
dler's for farthng candle. and being
told fl was raised TO halfpenny on account
Of the Russian war. Bad luck TO them"
she exclaimed, land do they fight by
candle-lght?"
An Irish lover remarks that e IS a great
comfort TO he alone especially when yer
swateheart is wild ye."
A Hbernian gentleman told n friend
studying for the priesthood: Il hope 1
may live to hear you preach my funeral
sermon" Another expressed the grateful
sentiment: May you live to eat the
chicken that scratches over your grave"
A physician said oracularly Of muir
dered man: This person was so i'll that
II he had not been murdered he would
have died half an hour before"