Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1896-07-13
FACTS AND FANCIES.


It is a common thing to see women
on Broadway with little bits of red rib
bon tied about one of their fingers. 1t
is said to be new fad for remembering
dates and engagements.-New York Let
ter.
Don't you get awfully tired doing
nothing all the timer" asked the young
man who thought himself Interested ed IN III
sociology. Mister" answered Peary
Pathetic, II git so tired dom nothin'
that l can't do nothin' else. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
isn't it rather annoying for you to
have them both call on you at once!
asked her dearest friend.
''No, perfectly delightful, said the
young woman with the two. devoted
slaves. "You see, dear, | sit one on
each side OF me-"
''Well?"
'And there is such delightful cool
ness between them
"Ohn'-Cincinnati Enquirer.
lawful accident at Jones' yesterday"
$50? / didn't hear Of it.
Clones hit his thumb with the ham
mer and Immediately exploded with rage,
while his wife burst into tears. '-1ndi-
annapolis Journal.
Old Lady-"Poor fellow! | suppose
your blindness is incurable. Have you
ever been treated?'
Blind Man-"Yes. mum, but not often.
'Taint many as likes to be seen going
into bar-room with blind beggar. -
Hartford Times.
"copper"" said little Willie, "did you
tell a story at the story tellers' night at
the club Tuesday night!'
Eyes, my boy, did. Why?"
did they spank you for it, as you do
me when | tell story?" asked Willie
HarDer's Bazaar.
AS the campaign advances the plot
thickenser and thickenser. 1t has now
Witness this Especial despatch from
Canton: ."Mr. Mckinley arose this
morning at the usual hour, and after tax
ing a bath ate his breakfast. Buffalo
Commercial.
Said old man Gufington: "There is a
passage in Scriptur', bruthern, thet's i'm
pressed me powerfully. I've thought
ont and thought ont, an I'm alluz think
in ont. | disremember jest wher it is,
and ez fur that matter, jest what it is,
but you carn't tell how much Nv a Soils
it is to me on my journey through this
vale Nv tears. Boston Transcript
Bankrupt Dyer What is your bust
ness, may I ask?" Boorish Stranger
Il am a gentleman, sir That is my
[ see.' Truth.
An Irishman having feet of different
sizes, ordered his boots to be made ac-
cordingly. His directions were obeyed,
but as he tried the smallest boot on his
largest foot he exclaimed, petulantly,
"Confound that fellow! | ordered him
to make one larger than the other; and
instead of that he has made one smaller
than the other"
Two Irishmen were working in a quar-
ry. when one of them fell into a deep
quarry hole. The other, alarmed, came
to the margin of the hole and called out:
''Arrah, Pat, are We killed intirely? If
ye're dead, spake." Pat treasured him
from the bottom by saying in answer:
mo, Tim, I'm not dead, but I'm spache
less. Current Literature.
Wraggles- 1Wen, Adam was a lucky
way?" .'He didn't have to prance
around the garden like a blamed idiot
holding Eve on a $500 bike. Cleveland
Plaindealer.
Miss Scraggs-''Yes, once when I was
out alone on a dark night, l saw a man.
and. oh! my goodness, how [ ran!'' Lit
tie Willie-"And did you catch him, Miss
Scraggs ?"-Household Words.
She-'When | marry, hope my hus-
hand will die young-I want to be wild
ow." He-"How barbarous! How
cruel!' She-"Oh, don't worry, it won't
be your funeral" Truth.
Brown is a good shot, isn't he?"
Every good. We were practicing with
our guns at my countryplace the other
day, and . he hit the BULLS eye the S,,t first
had to pay for the bull. "-Harpers
Weekly.
A little 4-year-old occupied an upper
berth in the sleeping car. Awaking once
in the middle of the night, his mother
asked him if he knew where he was.
''Tourse l do" he replied. I'm in the
top drawer YOUTHS Companion.
'Is he truly so great a connoisseur?"
asked the doubtingsone.
''Great?' replied the man who knew
"He knows SO much about technique
that he can tell at a glance whether the
motif for q poster was evolved from alb
sinthe or Welsh rabbits. ''-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
You say, then, that this material is
the latest fashion,"
THE very latest, madame.
But will it fade in the sum-
''Why, it has been lying in the sun in
the window for two years, and look how
well it has stood."-Boston Traveller.
Prof Dusel of Bonn one day noticed
his wife placing large bouquet on his
desk.
what does all that mean," he asked.
''Why, this is the anniversary Of your
marriage, ropIleO Mis-. DuSel.
rs that SO? Well, let me know when
yours comes around, and I'll recipro
cate. "-Flieg4nde Blaetter.
A carriage builder downtown named
Hickle has a daughter named Virginia.
She sometimes writes her name "Miss V.
Hickle. '-Philadelphia Record.
what / object to about the new
woman" said the apprehensive man,
lis that she pushes ahead too fast"
ooh, don't know replied the man in
bicycle clothes. 'You get tandem and
ride up hill with one of them, and
you'll find out your mistake. "-Washing
ton Star.
''It is as bad as the slip cut from
the paper she said. "He was a tall,
well-dressed man and just as | passed
him on the street he exclaimed to his
companion in strong, decided tones:
She's very dangerous woman And
l shall never know who Or what he was
talking about New York Times
n