davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
HUMOR OF Tue DAY.

Nothing is more discouraging than
unappreciated sarcasm. Life.
Teacher -"Now, Tommy, tell me
what ruminating animals are2" Tom
my-"Them what chews their cubs"
Judge.
Leldum Fedd lat the door )-''Kin /
see de lady of de house?' Hennypeok
Whose wife is out wheeling)-"I am
he. Puck.
''Mr. Burlington hasn't any society
manners whatever. 'Is he awk-
wardP" "No, but he doesn't like tea.
Chicago Record.
"N1r. Burlington hasn't any society
manners whatever. 'Is he awk-
wardP" 'No, but he doesn't like tea. "
Chicago Record.
Anarchist land should be as
free as the water" Goldby-"Per-
haps; but would you use it any more
than you do the water2"-Truth.
'I didn't realize how short he was
until l heard what Miss Pinkerley
said about him." "What was thatP"
''She said he was every inch q gentle
man. Puck.
'It is, indeed, hard" said the mel
ancholY gentleman, ''to lose ones
relatives" "Hard?" snorted the gen
tleman of wealth. "Hard2 1t is inn
possible. ."-Cincinnati Enquirer
"Willie, what was :the preachers
text?" "Somethin' about hayin' faith
like grain of some kind of seed, an
sayin' to the mountain git move on
you + an it'll git. Chicago Tribune.
Two souls with but single thought,
CTwere better had they none)
For the thought they had was the old, old
thought,
That two can live rs cheap as one.
Detroit Free Press.
| He "Well,. did you hear anything
about that Jones-Brown affairP' She
-"Oh, yes can't begin to tell you
all l heard" He--"I suppose that
means you won't be able to stop. ~
Puck.
Artist--'1 hatter myself this last
picture of mine is an excellent one. u
Another Artist-"My dear fellow, you
don't fiatter yourself half as much as
you Aatter the picture. "-Roxbury
Gazette.
Bunson (amazed)-"rhat your un'
Gle! Why, man, you told me your
uncle had both his legs carried away
at Sedan" Jimson-"So he did. HI
carried them away himself, pretty
fast, tell you "-Tit- Bits.
"What a liar FeatheIhorn is I
"Eh?" "Now that everybody is go
ing about saying Il told you so,
Featherhorn is pretending that ht
never had any idea how the election
would o."-IndianHpolis Jousnal.
"But what real objections can YOU
have to women riding the wheel, Mr.,
GrowellY $50 tell the truth, l dom
mind admitting that / object to
mostly because so many of them rid'
better than the men. "-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
"And you, my FRIEND" shouted th'
street corner orator, "are you o sup
porter of our American institutionsP'
"MeP" answered Weary Watkins
"Lord bless you, mister, no. Th,
institutions support me. "-lndianapo
lis Journal.
Little Ethel-'T wonder why me-
like to talk about their old schoo
daysP" Little Johnny-"I s'pos
after they got growed up they is al
ways tryin' to find out where thu
teacher lives, 50 they can lick him. y
Comic Outs.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
A CObbler's Queer Craft.

An ingenious Yankee cobbler is ply
ing his trade at Atlantic, Me-, in :
queer craft. He has built scow with
a house on it which he uses as a work
shop. Daring the summer he saih
from one place to another doing shoe
milking; in the winter he puts the
whole arrangement on runners ane
has it hauled TO convenient places.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

A Chicago clerk recently threw q
book agent forcibly out of his Office,
after refusing to take the mans card in
TO his employer, and was justified by
the Judge before whom he was tried for
assault, who established as Chicago
law the theory that such forcible
measures in dealing with book agents
were iustifable.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

According to the Florida Times
Union, another branch OF industry is
bewailing it's ruin by the rapid increase
in the use of the bicycle. That is the
walking.stick trade. We may next
expect to hear similar complaints from
tho manufacturers Of crutches and
wooden legs.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
Whore the Noodles Go.

A Topsham (Me.) lady recently
tipped up an old fashioned needle
cushion that was filled with bran,
rom which she secured over 90C
aeedles. The cushion has been in the
,amily for many years, aud contained
f, Jew ancient needles. Boston Her
Eld.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

some folks can always take thinks
easy"
al don't think you need talk like
that, Susan. returned Patien ce. "pm
always willin' to help, an l calculate
to pay my way"
"Humph T. retorted Susan, with an
aggressive sniff. "What do old maids
know bout the cares of housekeepin',
/ like to know"
"Now, Susan" stid Patience, the
color rising in her delicate face, ''if
you say so I'll go right out in the
kitchen this minute an take hold of
the bakin'."
"Well, should think you'd know
that I'd rather you'd keep at work on
that srA' of Jim's. There he is wearin'
his last pair of pants an l expect any
minute when he'll come through tho
knees, to say nothins ofsthe seat," re-
turned Susan in aggrieved tones. II
never did zee such young ones he is
for wearing out clothes, " she continued
-complacently, her VOICE softening, for
little Jim was her one weakness.
The elder woman sighed as she bent
over her work.
Patience" she said to herself,
"seems though they must know I'd
need lot or they. wouldn't given me
that name"
Susan in the meantime had gone out
into the kitchen and was stirring
round in lively manner among the
cooking utensils. ''Makln' things
hum, as her more easy going husband
was wont to remark.
Presently Patience became aware,
from the cessation of domestic clatter,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

Millions Of men in India live, marry
and rear apparently happy children
upon an income which, even when the
wife works, is rarely above fifty cents
q renk
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

Christmas Day passed uneventfully.
There was the usual turkey and plum
pudding, and little else to remind one
that it was holiday. The members
OF the family were reserving them
selves for evening, when they were
going to Linebrook to attend Christ.
mas festival held in the church, the
principal feature of which was
Christmas tree.
Patience had never seen one and
would have enjoyed going, but there
wasn't room for her in the sleigh, and
besides it never seemed to occur to
her brother or his wife that the cold
maid" could be interested in any sort
OF amusement.
"Now, Patience Cummings, there's
no mopin' lowed" she soliloquized,
trying to dispel the forlorn feeling
that came over her as she came back
into the big empty sitting room after
seeing the family off.
"You're jest goin' to fetch some
cider'n apples, en- pop some corn an
have a real good time.
Acting on this resolution, she
brought in from the pantry a dish OF
rosy checked apples and ears of yellow
corn. She was just seating herself to
shell the corn when she started up
with a smile on her face.
"Why shouldn't II" she exclaimed /;
Christmas don't come none too
often !"
Lighting candle she went up to
her little room under the caves. She
put the light down on an old fash
toned mahogany bureau, and, opening
her closet door, took down her two
and only highly priced silk gowns.
One, delicate dove color, had been
her mothers wedding gown, and with
slight alterations from time to time
had served Patience on those rare oc'
casions when something extraordinary
in the way of dress was required
The other was a steady-going blacl
silk.
She regarded them lovingly, but
critically withal.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

caused her to build some delightful
aircastles, who can wonder or blame
her, even if she had passed her thirty
sixth birthday and was "old enough
to know better"
So it is not surprising that Miss
Patience worked buttonholes and
felled seams on little Jim's new suit
with heavy heart for the remainder
OF the day.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

Statisticians agree that the popula.
tion of the world averages 100 women
to every man.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
Hero is q great truth POLITICALLY ex
pressed in Profitable Advertising

The wheels Of truo love never ran
Along rougher course
Than does tho business of the man
Who would succeed perforce,
And mover to his aid does call
That most successful plan
OF advertising spring and fall
And ever when he can.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

Not q sound to break the stiffness,
Reigning throughout the earth,
Save those bells, so sweetly telling,
OF the Savlour's lowly birth.
Sweetly ringing, sweetly ringing,
Do they tell the story old,
Which through all the coming ages,
Shall forever more be told.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
RATES OF ADvERTIsINoi

One Square, one inch, one insertion. - 90
One Square, one inch, one month. 81. 800
One Square one inch, three months. 500
One Square, one inch, one year ...,. O0
Two Squares, one year ....,...... Is %
Quarter Column one year .,..,....... 300
half Column, one year .............. so 90
One Column, one year. .......,. 100 20
Legal advertisements ten cents per line
each insertion
Marriages and death notices gratis.
All bills for yearly advertisements collected
quarterly Temporary advertisements mast
be paid in advance.
Job work-cash on delivery.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

Hark! upon the calm, sill, midnight
Comes the sound Of pealing bellsl
Far away their echo sounding,
Ger the hills, aud DER the dells.
Over all, heavens canopy
Stars that shine with brilliant light;
Underneath the snowy hillsldes,
Glistening through tho starry night.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

The future has % golden linge,
The past, too, may seem pleasant;
But Just about the Christmas tide
There's nothing like the present.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
SEASONABLE JINGLEs.
A Youngsters Theory.

They won't Let little fcllers yotoi
The reason Is because
They'd never have a President
Excepting Santa Claus.
Washington STAR
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23

II is a plant both stral - ,ud good
Aud men obserYe win ulnder,
That where it most is u-uersioOd
IT'S very much stood under.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
Hobbies Trap,

Small Bobbie was greedy boy,
So meath the mantle shelf
He placed an iron trap 10 catch
Old Santa CLAUS himself.
And when next morning came, the boy,
So greedy and so bad,
Was very much surprised to get
A spanking from his dad
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-12-23
PATIENCES CHRISTMAS.

EAR me /" chirped
Miss Patience Cum
m i n g 8, 81 can't
seem to sense 1t
that it's so near
Christmas.
"Well, l guess you
would if you had as
much to do rs l
have" snapped her
sister in law. "But
The record-union., 1896-02-28
FATHER GRACE is BISHOP.
The Official News Of His Promotion Has
Been Received.
An Appointment That Will Greatly
Please the Catholics of
This Diocese.

Rev. Thomas Grace is Bishop of the
Sacramento Diocese, and the worthy
successor of the late Bishop Manogue.
The rumor of his probable appoint
ment, which was received some weeks
ago, was officially confirmed yester-
day, the first anniversary of the death
OF Bishop Manogue. The appointment
of Bishop was made at the time re-
ferred to (the 18th of this month"; and
IL was then rumored that Father Grace
was the man, but this fact was not
verified until last evening, when the
official information was received
Several friends.of Father Grace called
to congratulate him on his good fortune
and to express their qualification at
his appointment to such an important
post of honor in the church which he
represents.
1t so happened that several of the
olergymen of the diocese, from points
outside of Sacramento, were guests at
the episcopal residence, having assem-
bled yesterday to participate in the re-
QUEEN high mass celebrated in honor
of the late Bishop, and they were the
first to express to the new Bishop their
pleasure at his appointment
Father Grace received the news with
his accustomed modesty. While fully
appreciating the high honor which the
spiritual head of the Catholic Church
has conferred upon him, he has a keen
realization of the heavy responsibility
it entails. AS matter of fact, he was
not desirous of being promoted to the
Bishopric, but like a good and true SOL
dier he stood ready to do the bidding
of his superiors. The official notice of
his appointment will be received with
great satisfaction by the members of
his flock and even outside of Catholic
circles
Bishop Grace was born in County
Wexford Ireland, in 1912. He received
his earlier education in the private
schools of his native place, then at ST.
Peters, Wexford, and afterward be-
came student at All Hallows College
in Dublin. He was ordained to the
priesthood in 1867, and in September of
that year came to California. His
father, James Grace, was of Norman
extraction, being a descendant of the
famous Raymond le Gros the Greatl of
the twelfth century.
His first pastorship in this State was
at Red Bluff, Tehama County. He
built the Convent of Mercy there, and
was subsequently stationed at Grass
Valley and later at Marysville He
came to Sacramento in 1881, and sue
ceeded Rev. Father McSweeney (now of
OaklandD in charge of St Roses Parish
The ceremony of installing a Bishop
is very elaborate and imposing. Just
when this interesting event will take
place in the case of Bishop Grace has
not, of course, yet been decided on. 1t
will bring together large number of
the leading Catholic clergymen and
\ Adignitaries of the church, including
Archbishop Riordan of San Francisco,
and the Cathedral, commodious as it is,
will not be able to accommodate one
fourth Of all who will apply for admis-
sion
The record-union., 1896-02-28
That Safe Contract Again.

Eds. Record Union: In permitting
us to reply to the communication of
James I. Felter in yesterday mornings
issue, relating to the purchase of a burg
lar proof safe for the City Treasurer,
we feel it obligatory upon ourselves to
make known all the proceedings and
circumstances in connection with this
pubic affair.
Mr.. FelterS communication not only
indicates a feeling of disappointment
at not being the successful bidder, but
also a rambling intention on his part
to attack the honesty and business in
tegrity of those into whose hands the
awarding of the contract fell.
We are well aware of the fact that our
duty was to give the contract to the
lowest and most responsible bidder and
this we have done, as the records and
reports on file with the City Clerk will
show.
In reality Mr.. Felter's company was
the lowest bidder, but the factory he
represented was entirely unknown to
US, with no recommendation of the re-
sponsibility whatever, and not wishing
TO deal in uncertainties, his bid was ig
nored. After a careful consideration of
all responsible bids, those of the Hall
and DieboId were strongly advanced to
our attention, Halps bid being $500,
$3.50 and S725 and Diebold's being $S37,
$725 and $3.50
The committee was not certain which
of these two safes would be the best
for the money, and after consulting the
City Treasurer, he pronounced the Hall
safe for $500 and the Diebold for 1887
the best and of equal value. The Die
bold safe being $27 less than the other
we awarded them the contract This
safe was also recommended by the
Mayor, City Treasurer and President of
the board after a careful examination
of both. Believing that we have full
filled our obligation to the public in
satisfactorily manner, remain,
H. w, A MEMBER OF THE COM
MTTTEE
The record-union., 1896-02-28
REMEMBER THESE POINTS.

EGg- That person in perfect health rarely
catches a cold. 1t is only when the system is
run down and the blood does not circulate
properly that people tail victims to colds.
No. That it is a bad sign to feel weak
and shiyery and to constantly suffer from
tired, miserable feelings. If you do not eat
well, work we'll aud sleep well, there is evil
IDENTIFY a weak spot in your system.
EEBS2g- That ordinary food and drink cannot
supply the great vital force required by people
who work hard with their hands and brains.
They need something to stimulate their ener-
gies promote digestion and keep the blood
moving There is nothing better for this pur-
pose than pure malt whisky.
Hsg~ That there is only one really medici-
nal whisky and that is Duffy's pure malt
1t is not an ordinary whisky, but pure slim
ulant that has a wonderful effect on the sys-
tenn. 1t stirs up the sluggish blood, builds
up the health, creates a good appetite and
promotes digestion. Ii prevents and will
cure coughs, colds, chills and even pneumonia.
Every reliable grocer and druggist keeps it.
Beware of inferior limitations Remember
there is no other whisky like Duffys and no
other that can possibly take its place.
The record-union., 1896-02-28
Hotel Arrivals.

Arrivals at the Golden Eagle Hotel
yesterday: H. Tietig. Jr., Cincinnati;
w. S. Slit, A. T. Dowler. Chicago; NJ.
E. Bell, Columbus, o.; L. Y. Ketcham,
New York; j. Fl. Hurst, Rochester. N.
Y; Louis Ferguson and wife, New
York; F. S. Mucumber. Sonora; Bert
L. Wertheimer. Newton Philips. f. A.
Christmas, H. B. Gist. G.. H. Young.
L. Boldt. San Francisco; A. J. Ham
mond, Redding, Pa; John P. Fisher,
PlacerVille.
The record-union., 1896-02-28
AT BRIGHTON.
A Pleasant Evening With the women's
Christian Temperance Union.

On Tuesday evening the Brighton
Women's Christian Temperance Union
held a rally at the schoolhouse at that
place. A party of friends from the
Sixth-street NJ. E. Church of this city
went out to assist in the exercises. Rev.
NJ D. Buck made an eloquent address,
which was listened to with deep interest
by large audience
The special features of the evening
were a recitation by Miss Blanche Van
Heusen and duet by Mrs. Marsh and
Miss Van Heusen. Mrs. Buck gave a
charming talk and presented the tenn
perance pledge, which received many
signatures.
The record-union., 1896-02-28
THE VALUE OF sELF-REspEcr

When c. p Huntington said before
the Pacific Railroads Committee of the
Senate that there was one man with
whose respect he was entirely satisfied,
and that was c. P. Huntington, he gave
expression to very lofty and very hon
orable sentiment.
ITO thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day.
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Indeed. Mr.. Huntington paraphrased
The record-union., 1896-02-28
NOTE AND COMMENT.

Elsewhere in this issue we print an
expose of the so-called California Ex-
position, projected by a brace of adj
venturers in New York. 1t will be re-
membered that the 'Record-Union"
promptly branded the proposition a
fake as soon as it was announced in
this State It is to be regretted that
the New York Sun was taken in by
the fraud, though it gave that journal
opportunity to pay California some very
glowing compliments.
All Central America is threatened
with revolution. We thought it about
time. Spring is only a few days off.
Revolutions in that land come with the
changing seasons.
General Weyler of Cuba has clearly
we'll won the title of Butcher" His
methods in the unhappy isle indicate
that he believes the way to early peace
is through seas of blood. In honest
The record-union., 1896-02-28

The publisher and manager of Chi
cago newspaper that copied in its
method after the San Francisco Eek
aminer'' and similar sheets of false
hood and scurriiity has been sent by
a United States Court to the Illinois
penitentiary, to be kept at hard work
in stripes for two years, for defying the
United States Government and sending
through the mails printed matter for
hidden posting because of its indecency,
flthiness and unlawfulness. Mr.. Dun
lop of the Chicago Dispatch" has felt
last. While he ruminates as a State
convict, he will probably come to the
conclusion that society has some rights
that even a sensational newspaper is
bound to respect. But this incident
suggests that if the United States pos
tai detectives follow up all offenders of
the Dunlop order it will be necessary for
the Federal Government to provide a
special penitentiary to hold the gang.
There are some of them in this State,
who pose as opponents of the rights
of the people, who are worse offenders
than was Dunlop Their sheets stink
with literary carrion and reekw with false
hood. They advertise every manner of
device for robbing the people and cor
rupting the morals of yout3. They as
sumo to rise superior to the law, assert
ing the right to print what they please
under the privilege of journalism,
which they defend under some sort of
lex non scripta,' of which they prate
as of an armor of defense against which
the decent regulations of social order
cannot prevail Honorable journalism,
self-respecting newspaper men, pub
fishers whose love of money is not supe-
rior to their sense of cleanliness and
their unwillingness to corrupt morals
will thank Judge Crosscup for yindicat-
ing the law and proving that even
salacious, brutal panderer is not ex-
empt from the penalties of crime though
he may own types and press, pose as
public influence and write himself 'we."
The record-union., 1896-02-28

This paper is for sale at the following
places: L. P. Fishers, room Il, Mef-
chants Exchange, California street, the
principaI News Stands and Hotels and at
the Market-street Ferry, San Francisco
Los ANGELES Eclectic Book Store,
corner Second and Main streets.
SAN DIEGO-Emmal q Co., $50 Fifth
CORoNADo-Hopkins & Cox, Coronado
Hotel
SANTA ARBARA-Hassinger News
Depot.
FRESNO-C. T. Cearley, I'LL ] street.
SANTA CRUZ-Cooper Bros News De-
pot.
Also for sale on all trains leaving and
coming into Sacramento.
The record-union., 1896-02-28
En- Route for Folsom.

Deputy Sheriff Reynolds of Santa
Clara County passed through this city
yesterday, en- route to Folsom, with
Frank Atwood, sentenced from that
county to eighteen months imprison-
ment for burglary. and Jose Rodri-
guez, sentenced for two years for the
same offense
The record-union., 1896-02-28
LAID IN THE GRAVE.
Funeral of the Late Daniel J. Brooks
Yesterday.

The funeral of the late Daniel J.
Brooks took place yesterday from the
Masonic Temple, under the auspices of
Sacramento Lodge, No. 40, F. and A.
NJ, of which he was a member.
The floral offerings Were specially
beautiful and bore silent testimony to
the estimation in which he was held by
his late employers and his friends A
large number of the lodge members
turned out to pay the last token of re-
spect to their deceased brother, and the
funeral services at the grave were rem
dered by WorshipfuI Master ]. w.
Hughes in a most impressive manner.
The pall-bearers We're G. A. Luhrs, r..
p. Hall, r. o. Cravens, ]. Hurley, NJ.
Dwyer and G. w. Hayes.
The record-union., 1896-02-28

warfare that is probably true, but war
in Cuba never was honest on the side
of the Spanish. AS for Cuban methods
why, they are what Spanish oppression
and example have made them
The record-union., 1896-02-28
EVERYBoDY,s COLUMN.

Under this heading the Record Union
will publish short letters from correspond
ents on topics of interest to the general
public. The matter in these communica-
tions will be understood to represent only
the views OF the writer's. All communica-
tions must be accompanied by the name
so desired, but as a guarantee of good
faith.-Eds
The record-union., 1896-02-28

Old age seizes upon an ill-spent youth
like fire upon a rotten house. 1t was
rotten before, and must have fallen of
itself, so that it is only one ruin antici-
pating another.-South.
The record-union., 1896-02-28
horticultural DIRECTOR.

Governor Budd has appointed Frank
H. Buck a member of the State Horti-
cultural Board for the Second District,
vice L. w. Buck, deceased.
The record-union., 1896-02-28
Weather Forecast.

Northern California-Rain, except
cloudy in the extreme southeast portion;
some cooler Friday; brisk southerly to
westerly winds, high on the northern
coast
The record-union., 1896-02-28
Special Notice to crockery Buyers.

The Crystal Palace, 610 J street, is
selling all goods marked with blue
tag, regardless of cost beginning Sat
urday, February 10Th, and lasting until
further notice.