The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-12-11

Tie Son-But, father, if I don't mar.
r. her can't get q cent Of old Stubbs'
money. al ,8 II , rs iss3 ,s !. II
!. His father with q grudge o. satisfy
My own boy! Marry her, md render
that old sktnfint penniless. Pittsburg
Chronicle Telegraph. E
It Would Look %.
'sThey have such queer notions IN
school now. TIE children are not
tsaNght to spell at al" n. 35s 55
'sGracious me-! What & lot OF type
writers there VIII be . few years
hence"- Indianapoll Journal.
His wife's millinery bill slipped froE,
his nerveless fingers
Consequence. 81
''The consequences Of your extrnva-
gance," he solemnly exclaimed, '.be mp
on your own head"
They were. with the exception OF
Thursday afternoons, when the cook
wore them Chicago Journal:
Mr. Asbury Peppers #
THE new boarder,'' said the lhndfa-
dy. ''is us bald as an egg
Just about the age, Of one; isnit hey'
asked Asbury Peppers. which was
really unkind of him; az the Indy made
q practice of getting the freshest tile
storage houses had.-Clncinnati I'm
Quirer..
Followed Him.
Tuttle-The professor finds It impos-
ce110xA 70 srnk Fsn,~, ,,voslp
Newton-ls that so?'
futile Yes; he went to tile seashore,
and the first thing he, struck was
school Of fish. -TeXas Strings.
He Didn't Pan Out:
Lafayette Squeer-How did you like
the dog sold you, Bubbles?
Bubbles-Like him? You told me he
was the greatest dog for pointers
ever saw. lost q thousand In tho
market yesterday, and that dog never
whimperel.-Buffalo Times.
A Popular Main.
Blackner-How did you tear your
coat?
Reddey-Caught II on nail in Wig
ley's store. made him pay me $50
AOA SnS u0b0&C, luOuSus
Rlackner-That SO? Isl the nail there
yet?-Roxbury Gazette.
Why He Quit:
We'll. see old Banks has finally
quit smoking. heard his doctor tell
him over q year ago that unless he
stopped it would kill him, and his wife
has been at him about it ever since"
But that wasn't what made him,
swear off. His typewriter girl object
ed to his breath. "5Cleveland Leader.
Needed . Change OF Diet.
Georgie-Mamma, I'm just sure, you
didn't give lie enough cake.
Georges Mnmma-Whlt makes you
think that, my boy?
George Cause Tommy Simpson
said was q pie-face Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
From Chicago,
Mr.. Badgcr-My dear, this is Mr.: Cab
umet. from Chicago. He will stay to
dinner.
Mrs. Badger "a moment Inter to the
kitchen lieutenant) Marin. when you
set the table be SURF to put on the pie
knives Cleveland Min Dealer.
A New Departure.
'Mrs. Digby has husband, that
really thinks something Of her" :.
What has he dbne?''
'Why, instead Of betting to wilma l,nt
for himself on the election. he bet =
new bonnet for his wife,"
mot to blame:
WHAT" exclaimed old Bullion. II
surprise. Give you my. only daMghter7
mol much, young man.
What Il she is your only daushtcrT.
replied the young man, tRrtlF. THAT
isn't my faMlt, is t?''-.Somervihe
Journal. B !. ~ ~
Tx A SchemeD..
Why does young sharpfey always.
takes Miss Flighty bicycle riding -
p0na ne spends the evening there
lr makes her SO hoarse that she
never asks Il he wants hear her sane. :
Detroit Free Press. n
Uncle Hiram'n VfexA
IAN these OF city parks 4 plum
fakes. anyway An. us ,s 4.
Why, Uncle Hiram7'. y
T. There amt park u the whole
coEn where folks can dig hole. maka
2 AIs an roast taters In ~ ashes"
Il After Her COY Caa.s.t.
Now, Charlie, i suppose To-.
nAosrow you win have 10 sneak =