davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

In a singular treatise on laughter, tn
writer gives nm instance that is of itseI
laughabie enough.
A patient being very low with feve,
and the physician In attendance beinl
at a loss as to how he should produe,
n reaction, had ordered a dose Of rhu
barb; but after the medicine Ind bee,
prepared, fearing its debfiitatfng Of
fects, the order was countermanded
Not long thereafter. a pet monkey be
longing to the patient that had been Il
the room all the while. seeing the got.
let In which the nurse had prepared tls
rejected medicine still standing on the
table. slipped slyly up, DOL it in hi
hands, and put 1t to his lips.
The first taste was probably novel
INT he made a comical grimace, but he
disltked to give II up. Another sip and
he got the sweet of the syrup. His
grotesque visage frightened.
He cast a furtlve glance around, and
then sat quietly down. with the goblet
grasped firmly; and pretty soon he had
placed 1t to his lips, and drank to thu
dregs.
Perhaps there had been half a wine
glassful of syrup of manna-not more
while the rhubarb had all settled. Bui
he had found 1t, and before he had fully
realized the change of taste he had
swallowed nearly the whole of thu
nauseous dose.
The patient was spellbound. Never
in his life had he seer anything SO gro.
tesquely and rid;culously human! Thu
visage of the disgusted monkey was o
study.
1t was a whole volume of utter abom
nation and chagrin. He ground his
teeth, and actually stamped his foot, MS
he had e his master do when in
wrath.
Anon the climax came. He stood up,
his eyes flashed, he grasped the goblet
by Its slender stock with all his might
shut his teeth, and then, with q spite,
full, vengeful snap, he hurled It with
mad fury upon the floor, and seemed
entirely satisfied as he saw the thou
sand glittering pieces flying about.
Never before had the patient seen.
anything to equal 1t. The whole scene,
and all the circumstances-everything
about it-appeared to him so supreme.
" and comicaily ridiculous, that he
into a fit of laughter that lasted
until his nurse came In to see what was
the matter. And when he tried to tell
her he laughed again, more heartily,
II possible. than before-laughed until
he sank back exhausted, and in a pro
fuse p~erspiration.
The nurse anxiously sponged and
wiped his skin; he perspired and laugh.
ID again until he slept. When he awoke
he reaction had come, the fever had
been broken. and he was on the sure
'oad to conyalescence.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
A SHY DANCER.
Stories Told by westerncrs Of the
Antics Of the Sand Hill Crane.

Stories Told by Westerncrs of the
Antics Of the Sand Hill Crane.
The sand hill ran Is a very bright
bird. A Recreation writer says that Its
very name is synonymous Of vigilance
and ~alertness. 1t feeds on the ~treeless
plains or In the barren wheat stubble,
where 1t can see q long way beyond
gunshot. Or one Of the flock is posted
al sentinel, and this bird stands with
bill half open, ready to give an alarm.
1t can be killed by decoying 1t with
,pasteboard q gures cut to proper size and
shape and painted, but mounted birds
are better. a pit 10 dug deep enough
to conceal o man. the decoys are put
out, and the cranes are shot as they
come over. The best region to shoot
them Is in the Columbia River water
shed and south Of 1t In the Pacific
coast States.
When one shoots a bird Of the size
and build of a crane in midair it COL
.lapses, like q card house or a tent. But
such apparent collapses are sometimes
deceptive, as, for instance;
Before I could reach him he scared
of into the air with wheeling digit.
Again he hit the ground with fearful
violence. but ngain he got on his feet.
Running up, thinking to get him alive
for a decoy, I tried to tap him on the
head and stun him. He showed fight,
and l used my gun as I backed of, and
he took to his wings"
The sand hill crane Is something Of
a fighter Of men II wounded, and the
only safe crane Is n dead one. Their
bills are long and sharp, and are capa-
BILE of putting out a mans eye.
The sand hill crane has some curious
hibits that make him Of more than
passing interest to the student of birds.
Out on the prairies parties of them have
halls in the spring, to which the select
birds seem to be invited. These balls
are picturesque affairs from the human
standpoint There are curious dances,
which are sort of solitary waltzes or
pretty slow jlgs. Sometimes the birds
leap over n another's backs and iop
their wings, giving their peculiar cry,
Sometimes rival birds have fierce duels.
using their keen bills like lances, battle
nxes and swords.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

Tessie and Bessie were getting ready
tor q garden party. 1t was to be a
very small party, for they had only in
tilted Bertha and Harold May, Who
ived next door.
Tessie spread n tablecloth on the big.
hat stone under the great oak, and Res
lie get Cd tho sandwiches and chicken
and grandma's pretty cakes. Bessie
put n saucerful of big red raspberries
by Bertha's plate, and Tessie set an
other beside Harold's. Then they ran
to the raspberry patch again TO I'LL two
saueers for themselves.
"Why. see here!' said Tessle when
they came back to the table. Some
body has been stealing HarolG's ber>
riesr'
"Who can 1t bef' said Bessie. "wen,
there are plenty more raspherrics in the
patch. that is one good thing! Aud We
have only to run and pick them"
They hurried away to I'LL The saucer
ance more, at the same time keeping
watch on the table. Nobody seemed
TO so near 1t. yet when they came hact
again they found Bertha's plate was
almost empty.
Now. that's meant" cried Bessie
Say, Tessie, let's hide and watch, ant
when we catch the thief wen offer hin
fome raspberries and cake very polite
IL. Then won't he be 'shamedT'
So they crouched down behind tn,
urrant bushes. whispering and peep
ng. They had moi waited long befor'
hey saw the thief running softly to
yard the table.
A boy3 No. A grill No II was u.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

clone. The furniture was knocked this
way an everything turned wrong side
up but the bed. Nobody was TO be
seen, but thar was q scrabblin' an
groanIn' under the bed.
"'W-ho's thar demands Grizzly.
1.-THE late Hopkins A. Long says a
pain-racked an twisted voice, VIII
you please git a club an pound me
across the stummick about forty
timrsT
with that. poor Hop slowly an sad
" energies from under The couch. walk
in on his hands au' feet with his back
down an bis abdoughmen bowed like
a druInmydaIy's hump.
~ am glad 10 see that you are well
enough to play jokes on your friends
says Grizzly, plenty grim, as he lit .
match an' gazed at Hop. L reckon this
we're Is what you'd call a pun, but
cussed II l see the point
This hain't no joke says Hop.
I'm dyin'. Ur-r-r-r-rr
Some kind soul tears out an direct
ly brings Dr.. Sl8de on the dead run,
an after n spell poor Hop is eased an
quleted, an then he explains:
THAT thar l0bBter tastes 50 good an
am so weak an bOmesick,' says he,
feebly, that / surrounds II all at ont
session an soon drops Off to sleep.
Later I'm dreamin' that l swallowed n
whole torchlight procession, which
winds up in a fight an riot. Talk about
nightmares! | had night elephants
an night crockydiles an night devils
oil at the same time. I don't know
what NIL happened, but I found myself
tearin' an thrashin' around the room
Hike a fifty cat in a strange bag. Th'
furniture was upset, the lamp broke
an the matches lost, an l forgot wnul
| was at. which one OF the boys I wal
an what year It happened to ber
"But thar ls one thing I'm certain OF
gentlemen; I'm curedl / don't want Il
go East no more! l have had q tast'
of the sea, an n taste Is plenty TO
mel don't want to go East
AN that is how Hop Along's home
fickness was cured upon the homypath
ic principle"
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

There, don't burn yourself. Better
let cook fix the fire. But ! know you
like range cream. Here Is a very
reliable recipe for it. Try 1t. It's easily
made and delicious: Into a half pint
Of cold milk put half an ounce of gela-
tine. When this has quite dissolved,
which it will do best If placed near but
not on the fire, add four tablespoonfuls
Of thick cream and one of sugar. Stir
this up well, and when almost cold add
gradually the Juice Of four good or
anges. When perfectly cold this cream
will be solll enough to turn nicely out
Of a small mold, although 1t remains
still soft. PETITE COOKIE.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

"~PdgaHdase 10 still rampant in manv
.,,roI districts In Italy" Gays DR.. Ray.
ag,i The resident Italian consul.
aFrom advices ] receive eccas,on.
,,,v I keep in touch with home afra,rs
a. n letter from q friend in Trieste
contaIus d reference to Tfburzi. Of
,be most picturesque of these freeboot.
arc Tiburzi is about AZ. At the begin.
r;np OF his career he was as bad a,
theirs in the same vocation of life.
"Iu 1872 he was caught. convicted Of
highway robbery and murder, and ION.
,soced to imprisonment for life. He
escaped in 1874 and took refuge in a
wood near Yiterbo. where he lived In
security in spite Of seventeen warrants
and A large reward for his arrest, Tho
reason OF this security Is slmnle
enouqh. He was good to the poor
snv peasant in need of help could nj.
yyoys get a gold coin from TiburzI-
and he punished traitors. CONSEQUENT.
" the peasants were ready to assIst
lin against the police or government
omissaries, and those who would will.
inely have given information were
afraid to do so.
after his escape Tiburzi altered his
method of gaining a living. He caused
II to be made known to all the well-to-
DO people In the district that IL thew
maid him an annual contribution he
would not Interfere with them and
would protect them from m~oiestation
nv others. 1t a considered adyis-
able to agree and Tiburzi has been for
years In receipt of a large Income. one
man alone paying him f150 a year.
Crime has considerably diminished In
the district; the smaller fry dare not
modest Tiburzi's proteges, for he is
still a good shot with his English re.
heating rifle. Tiburzi does what the
government cannot do: he collects
taxes without trouble and he keeps
down crime.
ut must not be supposed that he
hides in the woods all day. He can
walk about the whole district without
fear of capture and he lives in good
style. He goes to Rome sometimes.
presumably in disguise, and has even
been abroad. VIII he ever be arrested?
Time alone can tell.'-Cincinnati En-.
quirer.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
SAILORS SUGGESTIONS.
Have Lucky and Un1ucky Ships
Days aud Saints.

They Have Lucky and Un1ucky Shlps
bays and Saints.
The old superstition as to luck and
unlucky days has largely passed away.
Foreign mails start and arrive on Fri
day without any regard for the beliefs
which We're accepted at one time be.
yond argument by most sailors. Some
thought otherwise, as will appear later.
Generally speaking, all saints days aud
church holidays were regarded as un.
lucky and certain days II each month
was regarded distrustfully. In an old
almanac Of 1915 we find that July 10,
20, "a, and 81 were noted as mo good
anchorage" Sunday was always look.
ed upon as lucky, presumably in re,l
ance on the maxim, '"rhe better the day
the better the deed" and the fact OF
our Lords resurrection having takeI
place on that day.
Monday had no particular reputation
for good or evil; Tuesday was the anne
except among Spaniards, who said
Don't marry or go to sea or leave you
wife" on that day. wednesday was tho
day of Odin, the Morse god, and lucky
Thursday was named after Thor, thu
Morse god of war, and was auspicious
Friday was the day dedicated to Freya
Morse goddess of love, and having ref
e to women was not liked oil thi.
ground. The true reason for avoiding
Friday was, of course, the fact Of the
crucihxion having taken place on thai
day, and sentiments of special enera'
ton for the day converted into n feel
ing of fear for the results which would
follow its violation. The Spanlards, on
the other hand, had a considerable
generation for Friday, and believed
that some occult influence enabled Co.
lumbus to successfully clear out of port
and discover new land on that day.
saturday was generally considered aus
picious.
The origin Of the phrase. "a capful Of
wind" can be traced to o Morse king
Eric VI, who died in 970 A. D. HI
was credited with the useful power Of
directing the wind to blow him WHERE
he wished by the simple method O.
turning his cap to that point of thu
compass. His powers were much ap
preciated and trusted, and resulted II
his being known as windy cap" Their
is no evidence as to whether he eoul'
regulate the force of the wind as vel
as the direction; presumably he could
or his faithful believers would not hay
been 80 many. "a bagful of wind
another common expression and Ind
Gates something like a gale. This ha
been traced down to the classica
legend Of Eolus and his captive wind
confined in bags.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

No mar can walk straight who fol.
lows a doubt.
Have more religion than you cap
carry in your head.
No one can know Christ without
wanting to be like him.
No man treats Christ well who treats
his brother wrong.
Darkness cannot be made black
enough to destroy light.
Faith used is as sure to grow as good
seed in good soil.
God knows how we love, while men
only know how we live.
The man who conquers himself has
had God for his helper.
No ma can fail until he tries to get
along without Gods help.
Hire people to be good, and they win
quit when the pay stops.
1t is hard to believe in the religion OF
some very religious people.
The man who never praises his wife.
would heyea better one II he did.
Keeping too much in your pocket
may drive the Lord out Of your heart.
Phllosophizing about how a man got
Into the ditch will never get him out.
Pray much before you talk much
about how big q sinner you used to be.
II we are doing less for the Lord than
we can do, we are not doing enough.
Whenever the Lord finds a man who
ean be trusted with money, he makes
him rich.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
Tho PERFORMING Dog.

An amusing story 10 told by q French
contemporary of IN incident which re.
Gently occurred at a town In the south
Of France during the Christmas visll
Of a circus. One Of the chief attrac
tons Of the show was a troupe of per
forming dogs, and, after they had gons
through various feats, their trainer oh.
served that Azor. the most accomplish
ed OF them all. would favor the audi
ence with q pianoforte solo. According
ly Azor mounted a chair and struck VI
the "Marseillaise." At his moment
however, some one in the audience
shouted out 'Ratsp Azor made ONT
bound in the direction of the cry; bui
the pIanoforte went on playing!
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
ourn think looks like 1t was piEon.

I uurn tnlhh HUNS Inv was Pf
ousP
"Huhr says Grizzly Johnson, Who
MS I'm sayin' before, Is plenty old an
wise. This yere portrait is an eNag
gyration got up to deceive the innycen'
purchaser; O lobster is about a foot
long an is simply a big salt wate'
crawfsh, nuthin' more
Upon that we tramps off to Hops
, slIanty. cuts the can of reptile open an
| hands II to the sick man.
"'Ycrc Is your lobster, old feller,
| saws Funk. 'Eut I'm afraid In cussed
thing is spoilt.'
"oh, no, 1t haln't! says poor HOP
sni11n' 1t similar to a bridal wreath.
,Ah-h-h-h! That smells like the ocean!
Ah-h-h-b-h! That tastes like the scar
saws the sufferer, when somebody
gives bin a spoonful Of the juice.
"Wal, to make a short story long, as
the Teller says, poor Hop ceases to re-
gard us any more after that, an we
leaves him alone, gain lovinly at his
lobster an takin' a sip now an then.
.Nuthln' Of Importance happened
after that till along toward . o'ciocK
next mornin', when some stranger that
is ridIn' through the settlements hauis
mn In front Of the Buzzard Roost, whur
mo an PUNK an others Of Hops COM.
forters is lodged. an sets up q yell.
"Has the gent that resides In the
shebang outat the west end of the street
got any friends in this we're wigwalnY
saws he. when the heads an guns be-
gin to poke out OF the windows.
"a heap more than you have, when
Won come howlin' us out Of bed at this
untimely hour! says l, plenty sourcas'
tic. What do you think you wantT
"'Nuthin',' says he, calmly. I'm rich
nm contented. But mebbe It will In
tcrest that gents friends to know that
the Pit Of Tawment pears to have
broke loose In his house. From what
could gather from the standpoint Of a
mere pnsser-by, l ledge that several
Wildcats Ia engaged In skinnin' your
friend alive, or else his wife Is sort Of
argyin' matters with hlm-I reckon It's
the latter
at hain't long till we have piled into
u trappln's an rushed off to investi.
gate.
"'sounds like about of 'em
was all jumpln' onto the poor sick
man at once says PUNK, when we gifts
within n block of the house.
when we broke the door down an
charged in with our guns In II hands
we could see by the moonlight that
streamed in through the place whur
the door had been that the o looked
II Hop had been entertaining q cy'
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12


Little Pete never intends to m~isstate
things, but his very f%igurative imagina-
ton sometimes gets the better OF his
facts. He starts out to tell something
which Is perfectly true, but before he
IL done he has generally drlfted off into
some picturesque exaggerntion- The
other day he exclaimed to a compan-
ion:
"Jurt think. Bnlyl Out In Chicago
they aren't going to be cruel to the pigs
any more when they kill them. They're
going to chloroform them"
How do they do It'll" asked Billy.
why they just put a sponge in front
Of the pigs nose, and he goes right to
sleep, INT when he comes to himself he
says, Why, my hams gomez And by
n nd by he says, Goodness! Somebody's
sawed my leg orr and then he finds out
that hc's all cut up!'
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
ing nussaess in sou,rr., ra,,.

Twenty farmers brought the tails O,
0,171 ground squirrels to the commits,
sioners Of Spokane County, Washing.
ton, on one day last week to collect tho
bounty Of 1 cent per tail. One mar
brought in 1,sa4 squirrel tails and an.
other 1855 All the squirrels were
killed in n not large district. where
they are 81 thick as to almost make The
farmers despair of making any prof,
by their crops.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

A mole's Eyes are believed to give til.
animal nothing more than an impress
sion of light, which is probably pain
full, or. at least, annoying, the sensation
prompting the creature at once to bur
row into the earth and escape the an
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

Mr.. y. NJ. Gross, a special Associated
Press reporter, who lives at 1915
Maple Avenue, Huntington, W. Va
has knowledge Of the remarkable
cure Of Mrs. Martha GilkisoD, the
wife Of a carpenter OF tho east end
of the city, who, on the 22d Of Sep
TENDER, 1895, related her experience
as follows: "For good many yearsf
have been bothered an awful sight
with my stomach. l got SOL
couldn't eat anything at all without
souring on my stomach. Lots Of
times while working I would spit up
great mouthfuts Of stuff bitter as
gull. I kept getting worse all the
time and took piles Of doctor med-
feline, but / might as well took that
much starch for all the good II done
me. 1t run into neuralgia of the
stomach and worked itself all over
me. DR.. Gardener. the new doctor
up on Twentieth Street, told me
when l saw him It was my stom-
ach that caused all the trouble
and give me an order to the drug
store. took 1t there, and the boy
give me a box Of Ripans Tabules. I
began getting better, and have used
a little over two boxes, and am now
sound and well. (Signed), MARTHA
GnLKrsos, No. 1920 Fourth Avenue,
Huntington, W. Va"
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
"A TASTE OF THE SEA.

THAT reminds me-" said Alkali Ike.
the Oklahoma citizen, "of the case of
Hop Along, who wanted to go East"
Hop Along" repeated the tourist
"a lame man. l presume?"
"Nope!" replied the Alkaline citizen.
"His maiden name. &c to speak, was
Hopkins A. Long, but in the course of
human events part of 1t wal rubbed of,
an the rest of 1t sorter got together
again like a tint snake does after bein'
broken in p~ieces-an' he became Hop
Along. Wal, this yere Hop Along con-
tended with the West for years an
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

CAsarrh and Coida Relieved I n 10 to SO
Minutes.
One short puff. OF the breath through the
Blower, supplied with each bottle Of DR..
Agnew's Catarrhal Powder, diffusos this Pow.
Painless and delightful to use. It relieves IN
stantly and permanently cures Cata rrh. Hay
Fever, Colds, Headache. Sore Throat, Ton
ssilitis and Deefnsss. Il your druggist hasn't
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
where BAILEY Prefer. Them.

Congressman Bailey. 8 the dis
patches say, had q flush on his face
when Mr.. Barrett was In the chair
the other day. But Mr.. Bailey will
doubtless admit a flush in the hand Isl
worth O dozen on the face.-GalvestoV
News.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12

Little Willie s. was asked by his Sun
lag school teacher to name the three
great festivals Of the church." He
thought a moment, and then. memories
Of the glad and joyous past doubtless
,rowding upon him, replied: "Christ.
mas, Faster and the strawberry"
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
YOUNG AT FIFTY.
now A METHODIST MINISTER CAR
RIEs HIS YEARS.

Hev. William Young, Of Oswego. Tolls a
Reporter Hia Secret Of Cool Health
--win Surely benefit Every
ono who Follows HIS
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-06-12
"court" or "~Caught."

A little boy, according to Harper's
Round Table, has taken a hand in
amending English spelling:
Mamma, how do you spell court
house," said Little Willie.
"C-o.u-r-t-h-o-u-s-e, DEAR" answered
his mother.
But I should think you ought to spell
1t caught house, because all the peo-
pie who are caught are taken there"
responded little Willie.