The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1896-11-19
ddSf a Word or Two
Of CdsUdI Mention

Bill Nye would be laughing yet If he
happened upon that blood curdling scene
in Taylor borough Tuesday evening when
the Traction company removed the OBJ
struction from the car tracks. The con-
stables of Taylor borough are a band Cf
unconscious comedians. One man, unfor-
tunately, has an impediment in his speech.
1t is not exactly an imped!ment, but,
again unfortunately, he has no roof to his
mouth, and when he talks the sound
comes in linked monotone. Only close
acquaintancps can understand him. When
General Manager Silliman. Attorney Hor-
ace T.. Hand. Deputies Price and Ryan
and other came upon the group of con-
stables this man with the funny voice
broke the silence with one of the awful
est verbal explosions ever pcrpetrated. 1t
surprised the Scranton people and loud
laugh followed.
An Interpreter explained that the OK
plOsion meant mot by a reservoir Site
or something similar.
When the pistol was drawn by Deputy
Price and was pointed at the saloon keep
er the way the latter scampered home-
ward was overwhelmingly funny. This sa-
loon-keeper Is five feet in height, "ed
whiskered, hair of the same dye, fat. ana
he is no sprinter. He afterward stated
for the benefit of the men about his bar
that he wasn't scared.
He only ran to get his gun.
Barney McGill, the genial conductor,
carried a pick for protection. A friend
accosted him:
"What do you want to mix In this for,
Barney?"
"Well. happend to be on this line to-
day." explained Mr.. McGill.
you'll be on the dead line, Barney, II
you don't look OUT was the encouraging
retort.
saying he wished he was: he'd show those
fellows how to protect the "boro.'
One man wants Deputy Price arrested
by the borough officers for carrying con-
cealed weapons within the borough lin
it's.
"Wcll. 1t wasn't concealed" spoke UP a
omniscient one.
at was concealed before he took it from
his pocket. wasn't it?' was the deadly
rebuttal. That settled 1t.
Another individual was making a speech.
you're HuSte an orator, Charlie" said
one who knew him.
"Well. I am said Charlie modestly
yet earnestly: IT was better though be-
fore / had my front teeth knocked out"
The same man was talking all the time
called it. He didn't see what was the use
of burgess if Judge Archibald could run
Talyor borough. And the only Hungari-
an in the crowd was quite indignant that
Deputy Price had pointed the gun fright
in Jim Powell's eye.'
-:lI:-
Toni don't know whether she sings or
not.
Jack-She doesn't; heard her.-London
PickMe-up.
-:ll:-
Frank Daniels. the popular opera come
dian, has peculiar superstition. He
will not open telegram marked "col-
lect." 1t came about in this way. There
was an actor who was promised place
in "The Wizard of the Nile" cast before
that opera was produced. The actor was
a good one, but he had bad thirst which
made him at times an uncertain uuanti-
ty. However. Daniels. knowing what a
good actor the man was in his intervals
of sobrety engaged him, with the sole
proviso that BE- should stop trying to OK
haust the supply of intOxicants. The ac-
tor promised, and for some time kept
sober. Then came the time for rehearsals.
and Immediately the actor fell from grace
He came TO the theater very, very IN
toXicatcd on more than one occasion, and
finally he was discharged and another
got to fill his place. Then he demanded
$50 for the time he had lost In rehearsal,
which was ref-scd
"All right" said he Daniels. eff you
won't pay me one way you will another
You shall hear from me. sir"
But weeks passed and he was not heard
from, and Daniels was glad. Then the
company opened its season in Wilkes
Barre. and when, next day. the company
reached Scranton. Daniels was greeted
by a telegram, &. o. d.. so cents. whicn
the manager of the Academy had paid
for him. Ii was from the actor. and con-
graduated Daniels on his success. Dan
els svore. In WilliamspOrt was another
telegram, c. o. D.. 81. H. which was also
from the actor, and also congratulatory
In Pittsburg another was waiting, and
this time it was for 1925 1t was very
congratulatory: and was from the actor.
And 50 It went all along the road. even
into New York. where there were six
kilograms awaiting the Wizard BY this
time the whole cost was little over 81
and then Daniels saw through the trick
and swore an oath or two. 1t was at this
period that he notified all theaters that no
more c. o. u. kilograms were to be re-
ceved; and himself formed the resolution
to put aside in future all his curiosity as
to unpaid messages.
-:!I:-
Mother-What is the matter. my dear?
Why are you crying?
Harry (between sobs)-I left my taffy
on that chair and the minister's a-sittin'
on it.-Answers.
-:ll:-
Captain Charles +. Clark, the cham
pion life-saver of Atlantic City, who used
to be on exhibition at Davis theater in
the days when 1t was called Wonderland,
Is this year doing a safe-cracking part in
lurid melodrama and stringng the boys
of the press as he goes along. Here Is
one Of his stories:
Some of the actors guy me and say I
never saved life. I met Mat Goodwin,
the comedian. at Atlantic City a few
years ago, and he said to me. Say, Cap.
1 don't think you ever saved a life in
your life. But do you want to save one p