davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
TELEPHONE sMeLLeD OF GAS.
The Joke n Weary Clerk Played on Q
Complaining Visitor.

A majority Of tho cranky people who
visit Washington make the White House
their objective point, but occasionally
some will wander into the departments 20
unfold their allowances. Not long ago a
good specimen of tlc genus made his APP
pearance at the postoilico department., md
as he wanted to see "onc of the Judges 20
bright messenger Stccrcd him into Tive
room and up to the desk of one of the uIc
clerks IN the fourth assistants Ollie"
whose gray hairs and dignified apuCaraur
helped 10 carry ONT the deception Il
visitor was evidently an od soldier, rs hi
complaint WAS in reference TO The manage.
ment of one of the soldiers homes. After
listening 10 his disiointcd ultorWrc. for a
moment the clerk wheeled around ia Ia
chair and said:
My friend. | am not the proper person
10 come To with such "A complaint.
am
Yes, you are " interrupted ,lc cHna
The man out IN tho hall sold mo }uu
were just the ono a. hS things for me.
And hc continued with long string o.
grievance, until the clerk who WIS quite
busy stopped him with the rcmari1
Il can give yoU no relief for your trou
BILE You should 20 To- The war depart
mcnt And concluding that hi, trou
blcsomc visitor was crank Of the first
water he continued; Come around here
and sit down. and I'll connect You hy tell
ephonc with the secretary of war. That
will save You the trouble az going up TO
his Office and waiting "A long time for an
audience. -
The clerk seated the crank at u little ia
BILE behind the high backed desk. Then
going around beside hi, own chair he I'M
coupled from the gn> JET the long tube
which led to the drop light on his desk.
Putting the tubing over the high back, he
placed the end in the hands of the com
plainant and rcmarkcd
"rhcrc you are. That puts you i'm di-
rect connection with the secretary himself
Talk To him ali YOU want 10.
And he did talk TO the secretary for a
full hour To the great amusement of the
clerks in the room Finally, after he had
relieved himself of o biz batch of com
plants, hc laid down the telephone
with a sigh Of satisfaction, and Il, lac took
his hat 10 60 said 10 the clerk:
"Somc One ou4ht 10 notify the war de
partmcnt that there is "a big leakage Of
gas somewhere zap there. Washington
Star
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
Lord Chancellor and Great Seal.

1t may not be generally known that
during his term Of Office the lord high
chancellor is not permitted to leave the
kingdom. II he makes n holiday, he must
choose locality somewhere within the
boundaries OF the island. The reason for
this restriction, Mr. Lucy explains in on
article in The Strand Magazine is that
wherever the lord chancellor goes he must
carry with him the great seal, and that is
not TO bc trusted out of the country. This
precious mark Of authority consists of a
pair of dies made in silver. When neces.
sity arises for fixing the great seal of Eng.
land to any document, the dies are closed,
melted wax is poured in, and, opened in
due season, the great seal is found ready
for attachment. The pair of dies now in
use date from the accession of her majesty.
On her death they will be cut into pieces
and deposited with n long list OF others in
the Tower Westminster Gazette
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
A ROUGH SHAVE.
The Natives of Jamaica Use Broken Bot
ties For RaZors.


The natives of Jamaica have no need to
buy soap, for the woods abound with
plants whose leaves and buds supply very
well the place of that Indispensable article.
Among these is the soap tree, so called,
though il is more bush than IA tree. Its
bulb, when rubbed on wet clothes, makes
a beautiful lather which smells much like
common brown soap The Jamaica ne
grocs, some of them, who are great dandies
in their way, make a soap out of cocoa
nut oil and homemade I've, and fine soap
it is, smooth and fragrant. This cocoanut
oil soap is used for shaving.
When a man wishes TO shave he starts
out with his ccocenut sholl cup and his
donkey tail brush ard bottle 1t is never
any trouble 10 find AN cnrty bot les in ia
maica, even in the mountains. At least
20 generations of thirsty people have lived
there and thrown away the empty bottles
The man carries 10 mirror, because he has
none To carry Not one negro cabin In q
dozen has II cheap looking glass
But nature supplies the mirror as well
as the soap. The man goes TO a con-
venient pool in the mountain stream
where the water Is STILL and there is his
mirror. He breaks his bottle on a stone
and picks out "a good sharp piece. Then
be fathers his face profusely and begins TO
scrape away with his piece of glass, which
works almost as well as a sharp razor.
The men rarely cut themselves in this
operation. AT first" says writer, 81
trcmbled for them, but aftcrward / tried
the method for myself. and soon became
expert at 1t. "-Peareon Weekly.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

The little daughter of Mr.. Fred Web
Der, Holland Mass, had very bad cold
and cough which he had not been able
to cure with any thing. gave him a
% cent bottle of Chamberlain Cough
Remedy, says w. p. Holden. merchant
and postmaster at West Brimfield and
the next time | saw him he said il
worked like a charm. This remedy Is
intended especially for acute throat and
lung disease such rs colds. Group and
whooping cough. and it j. famous for
its cures. There Is no danger iu giving
it To children for it contain, nothing
injurious. For sale 10y G. r. Mahau,
druggist
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
Brysnt's Early Pecuniary Rewards.

1t is amusing TO know how small were
the pecuniary rewards of Bryant's literary
labors, whatever may have been the fame
they brought him Two dollars poem
was the price that he named, and he
seemed to be abundantly satisfied with the
terms. A gentleman met him in New
York many years after and said to him: II
have just bought the earliest edition Of
your poems and gave $50 for it. " More,
by long shot, " replied the poet, ethan
received for writing the whole work. -
Arthur Lawrence in Century.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
Little Alice's Mistake.

1t happened that little Alice's mamma
bad travelled In company with Mark
Twain and one or two other celebrated
writer's. The child had heard the matter
discussed and she electrified the household
by announcing:
You travelled with Shakespeare. didn't
you, mammal / told the teacher today
that you did New York Mercury
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
YHYLOR ( MEYER,
The Reliable
Druggists. Elwell.
Ch9la. nm. anf /fyHols constantly

Our people are growing more and more
in the habit Of looking to- G. Z. Mahan'S
drug store for the latest and best Of
everything in the drug line. He sells
Chamberlain Cough Remedy, famous
for It's cures of bad colds, Group and
Mhoop.ug cough When in need Of
such Il medicine give this remedy trial
and you viii be more than pleased with
the result
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
DRoBATG oHDER:-Stste Of Michigan,

DROBATE ORDER:-State Of Michigan,
! County a. Grutint es. At "a session OF the
Probate O. cunt Tor said county, held AT the Pro-
bate office I'D the village OF lthuca on the 10th
day of February. lr thcyc8r one thousand eight
hundred ana nucl-siN Present John W.
Eycrten. Ju dye OF Probate. I'm the matter OF
the estate 90 Floyd Glover deceased. On
reading and hhng the petition, duly verified
OF Caroline T.. Glover mother 90 said deceased
and uumini-tratriN of the estate OF said de-
ceased. praying thGt said Probate Court
nd Indicate and determine who are or were at
the death Of said deceased the lcge heirs Of
said deceased and entitled TO inherit the real
estate ot id deceased. aud the share or por-
tiou thereof thut each OF said heirs was en-
interest that each OF them or their heirs or
assigns may now have therein
rncrupon H. lis ordered, that Monday the
9th tlN of March ncNt at ten O'Clock in
the forenoon. Doe NssirD,d tor the hearing of
sHd petition. 0nd THAT the heirs at-law of said
deceased. and all other persons interested in
said estate. arc required 20 appear at "A session
al said court, then o. bc holden m the Probate
Olcc. ir the village OF Ithaca and show cause,
. amy here 0r. why the PRAYER Of the pet-
UOucl -uoulG not Ic Granted. and 10 is further
ordered, THAT said peDtiOncr give notice 10 the
persons Interested bon said estate Of the pend
"ocy of said retiii0u and the herring thereof
by causing It copy of thus order to be published
nm the ALMA RECORD. "a newspaper printed and
cItcu ated I'm s'id county rhrrc successive
weeks previous TO said day OF hearing.
"a true copy JOHN VI. EYERDEN.
SEAL Ssi-W Ju !gc of Probate
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
4 Radical Cure.

John r. Martin, clerk in the second di-
vision, newspaper department, general
postoilicc, writes;
The other day YOU prescribed "a remedy
Tor sleep walking Now will YOU bc good
enough to prescribe one for that annoying
creature who disturbs ones rcpusc-to
wit, thc fellow that talks in his Sleep"
Certainly Keep him awake.-New
N,rL
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
A Great Drought.

In the year b. c. 436 there was a drought
extending all over Europe. All the crops
failed, and whole districts were depopu-
lated. AT Rome thousands OF people
drowned themselves in the Tiber, and q
pestilence ensued from the dead bodies In
the river and on the banks.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
Boston. standard of Means OF supper

a school street lawyer tells thc follow.
ing story ~ characteristics OF the late judge
McCaffcrty,
Among the cases before him one morn.
ing WAS one in which Il rather sccdv look.
ing fellow was billed for yagraucy The
officer who Madc the arrest and who WAS
the principal w.tue,- ya- one ot those oil
Gals who never speak = good word ot a
prisoner. he testified in substance that he
had seen the man loaflng around for ~ey-
cral days, and rs far u, he knew had no
visible means of support.
WAS this man searched when arrc,todE'
asked the court, nodding his head in the
direction of the man in the dock
Il searched him, your honor " replied
the officer promptly.
Did you find any money about his per.
SOM
The officer looked ut the judge some
what confuScdly and then, after IA few mo
ments of thought replied rather lightly:
Yes. your honor, 10 cents. -
"Can you buy "A plate of bean, for 10
cents;"
The officer, thinking his honor was
about to crack joke, laughingly re
sponded
"Why yes, of course. "
"Then, sir, ind the judge spoke Sc
vcrcly understand from me that man
who has money enough 10 buy a plate of
beans is not u vagrHnt. Understand fur
ther, sir, that rs long as ! am a Justice in
this court never again want 20 see you
bring man before me on charge OF
yagrancy who has 10 cents in his pocket
Mr.. Clerk, discharge the prisoner Dos
ton Globe
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
Hat Reverence.

H.. medieval times the hat Of ruler was
regarded with peculiar reverence some
thing of the respect shown fur the crown
a. an emblem being also cntort' iucd for
the hat The story " William Tell, with
Gcslers cap or hat on Il pole 10 be- rever-
cnccd 10y the people, furnishes M illustra
t4on oI an incident often seen in the mid
AS ages.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
ARMY MECHANICS.
The Odd Titles German soldiers of the Day
Give Each Other.

Everybody j, familiar with the name Of
Tommy Atkins, representing the British
soldier, but how many know the terms Of
endcarmcut by which the German soldiers
are called: some Of them ara applied 10
the entire regiment some To an individual
corps. The guards are called hummcl, ~
or sheep. The guards call the soldiers
Of the line 'ficld rats. The infantry
speak of the cavalry "a, 'groon, and the
cavalry return the compliment by bcstow-
ing upon the infantry the names Of sand
harcs, sand carriers and "clodhop
pers. The cuiraS,icrs are known ~ flour
sacks. the pioneers rs "mulcS, the hus.
sars ~ packthrcadS' and the artillery as
Cow soldiers The latter are called also
ASTRONOMERS and the engineer, watcr
rats
In these divisions acaiu the corp, have
name, Tor themselves and their rivals. In
tie cavalry the seventh cuia--iyr, are
the "WhI.C-li'h thc FIRST hu~~ar, the
death beads, a~ their shake bears the
emblem, and the l< rth huSSar~. from
their brown uniforms. are called The
'partridyr~. tEr only h"twn i'm tn" tur
man army, preserved In remembrance ot
Frederick ii. vino used All the cloth found
an Capuchin comon, for his ,oidirr-
The green uniform. with yellow farin--.
has given TO the sixth hu~-lrs the name
Of spinach and eggs, ana for "a similar
reason the Tenth hu,sars are called par
rotS
In the guards the first regiment of foot
are called "tiphrad, in poetic allu-iou
to their helmets; the chaS~curs are green
frogs the First grcu3dic-,, potato peel
prs;" the hussars. 'gloww0ruS from
their red clothes; the Third uhlans.
"du,tie>, " from th'ir duh yellow trim.
minRs, and the pioneers. "earthworms. 20
New York Mail and Express
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

Notice is hereby given that the regular an
Mich. VIII Doe held ar the Firemen's Hal, on
Woodwork Ave. iu suio village ON Monday,
thc uiuth dHr Nafch a. % 1896, at hich
time the following officers are 10 be elected,
VIZ.
one Ni'l1g" President. one Village clerk
one Village Treasurer, three Trustees for TWO
year- and ono Assessor Tho polls OF said
election will Doe Open % az seven O'Clock a. m
or us -OOu tuer sitter H- may be and will re
main oper uutli FIVE J'c.ocN ot said day.
pa'tt his -1th day ~ February. A. o.. 1896
By order on Election Inspector OF said vi age
SEIH rrHBs Village Clerk
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

Notice is hereby gven that the Board of Reg
istra ION torthe village OF Alma Will be in sea
sion al the office OF village clerk on Saturday,
Marrl g. 1896. from nine O'Clock a. m. until
eight O'Clock p m.
by ORDER OF COUNCIL.
eErH a r RBs Clerk.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

Maryland, Massachusetts and Vermont
are returned i'm the census reports as each
having one acre ia Oak, New Jersey and
Arkansas each having two.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

You should know that Foley 3 Honey
and tar is absolutely the best rpmeoy
for all diseases Of the throat, chest o.
lungs Dealers are authorized 10 guar
antee 1t 10 give satisfaction il al
cases. soc. G. Z. MAHAN.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

DBOBATE ORDER State of Michigan.
4 county of Gr0liUt IS. AT "A session OF the
Irohate Court for sand county, held at the
Probate Office ia the Niiiagc of Ithaca ON the
AN day of February IN the year one thous
-ud eight hundred and uinc' y-six Present
John NJ, Eycrden, Judge eft Probate In the
nnttcr OF the estate of sarah 7 Fitzgerald de
ceased. ON readiug and hlng tn petition,
ddiy verified. OF Dennis Fitzgerald, praying
hat an administrator be appointed Of the es q
tate ~ said deceased.
IhereupOn 10 IL ordered that Monday the
lbth day OF March next. at ten O'Clock I'm
the FORENOON, be assigned for the hearing of
SAID petition, and that the hels at-law OF said
dccc't and an other persons interested in
Suid estate. arc required a. appear ~ a session
OF said court then 30 be holden INA the Probate
DIhce, ~ me village OF itt AGA and snow cause.
ID amy 'hor9 be, why the prayer of the petit
TONER should NOT Dee granted; and il Ia further
ordered, mat said petitioner give notice to the
persons interested 10 said cstatc Of he pen
Hency Of said or luton and the hearing thereof
hy causing copy of this order to be published
iu the b MA RLCORD, At newspaper printed and
circulated in said county three sue 'essve
week previous TO suld day of hearing
"a true copy. JOHN VI EvERDEE
lNtNb.. 4w Judge OF Probate
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

In compliance with the state law the - T..
n y. r. II. viii put into effect March lst 10 new
local passenger tariff with rates made three
cents per nile on the actual distance. TMs
will make great many rates end I'm odd cents,
and in numerous instances viii raise the
present rates. S~r2w
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
MARKET REPORT.
Village Council

ALMA, NicH. Feb. Il l.9'.
Regular meeting OF the OmmOn Council O Z
the village of Alma. Mich, at council room on
above date.
Present. President Ely and Trustees Gar
gett. Kelly, Baker Delavau MOnuycl ana
Glass
The minutes OF the last regular meeting
were read and upon motion approved
The following claims were allowed and the
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28


pal with j s. Capie ana A y Hall surele~ IN tHe
sum of $1,000 was received and upon motion
approved.
Mr. Baker gave notice that be would oner
for Adoption an ordinance known e- OrJi
nance 80 90 OF the village of Alma. Mich.
Moved by Mr. Garpttt and supported by Mr.
Kelly that the aforementioned ordinance
known a. Ordinance Nc - OF the village of
Alma, an ordinance granting pcrmissionto the
United States Electric Ieit phone and TC.c
graph Con pHnN, corporation 10 erect aud
MAINTAIN telephone poles ana traln wires
thereon be put upon lis first anC final reading
Said ordinance was then read by the clerk
and was adopted a. Ordinance No. - OF tho
village or Alma, 10y yea ard nay vote as fol-
lows:
Yea, Baker, Kelly, Montigel. Gargett Glass
and Delavan
Nay, none
The President appointed Bs the board of
election commissioners, Trustee Kelly ana
Messrs. & 4 Brown and Chas Murdcn
President appointed the following special
committees. Trustees Glass ard Gargc't a.
com TO settle with the treasurer and clerk,
trustees Baker and Deloyan To act with ne
clerk as board OF registration.
pom motion council adjourned until Mon
day evening, March % 1890.
4. A Ely, SErll a. TUBES,
President clerk
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

Gcigcrsville, Ky, is the birthplace Of q
boy who was an invetoI1te tobacc) chewer
before he was year old
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28

n West Virginia man is so peculiarly
affectcd by riding on n train that he has %
cham himself TO "a scat 10 prevent hiD
jumping out OF the car window.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
It Speaks Volumes

= When we say that our trade is
I keeping up to the average even
during his dull season.
Our practice of giving absolute
values for every dollar spent in
our store, encourages people to
buy and insurcs them fair treat
mcnt. When H. need of Drugs,
7 Patent Medicines. Toilet Articles
I or anything in the Drug line, call
on
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1896-02-28
DROBATE NOTICE: Stute Of Michigan.

DHOBATE NOTICE: state of Michigan
l County of Grafton, Probate Court for said
county. So. Notice II hereby given, that by an
order OF the Probate court iOi the county of
prat'ot, made on the 30ih day OF January, A.
y 1895, six months from that date were al
lowed for creditors to present their claims
against the estate of Theron 4. johnson late
OF said county deceased and that ali creditors
OF said deceased are required 10 present their
claims 10 said Probate court. at the probate
olhce. nm the village OF Ithaca. for examination
ana allowance. on or before the 3Oth day of
July next, and that such claims will bc heard
before said court on Thursday the Both day of
April and on Thursday the 30th day of July
next at ten O'Clock in the forenoon of cacn of
those days
Dated Ithaca January 30, 4 d., 1876.
john NJ. EVLRDEE.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1896-10-31
PROFESSOR and PUPIL
AN INCIDENT IN STUDY At AN
HAWAIIAN INSTITUTION.
Science and Neutrality-suspicious. Stints
that Interfered-A Terrible Warn
ing that was Duly Needed.

Within the compound of a noble
Hawaiian institution of learning boy
and man were engaged in study.
The youth was at music. He who had
reached mans estate wrestled with n
problem of science. Professor w. L.
Brigham, tall, ponderous, iodine head
and thunderous voice, was inside the
Bernice Pauahi Museum, bending over
a microscope. Kelli, the half-caste lad,
1.-THE, muscular, retiring when away
from his blood. had Heavens blue
dome for his only roof and was fifty
PAGES from the scientist. rack on
his instrument held his music. He was
engaged in the terrific task of inter-
preting the bass drum according to
Berger. 1t was a dull, trying work,
but the boy had the genius of applica-
ton. His reward was to enjoy mem
bership in a smart organization. Be
sides had he not been patted upon the
shoulder and told that he would some
day make the universe listen? Pro-
fessor Brigham was listening. The
humping and thudding annoyed him.
He waXed wrothy. He decided after
space of perhaps three hours to act.
The serenade must end. He marched
forth. The earth trembled-a little.
The boy continued the study until the
professor was very close to the drum
and emitted a cough like the report
of blast in coral. Then the lad gave
ear and then the professor spoke. His
utterance was in measured and solid
and studied and deliberate tones as
might be those of a minister who real
lied what he was doing in reading the
marriage service. Said the eminent
student: Young man, if you don't
cease this racket on the instant and
get away, I will smash your internal
machine, murder you in cold blood
and then-mark me well. worst and
most serious of all, / shall as final
resort, as a desperate recourse, report
you to the trustees" The professor
stallied away. What could the poor
boy do? He gazed in open mouthed
wonder few seconds. Then he gath
cred up his music ana rolled away his
drum in the direction of the noun
tains. He had resolved that he would
climb higher and some day reach the
level of the student who could not APP
preciate the study of music. In his
story of travel told to the scholars of
Punahou college, Professor Brigham
said the best thing he saw in going
around the world was band in which
there was no bass drum.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1896-10-31
WV. DIMOND,S

The holidays are approach
ing at the rate of a day every
twenty-four hours, and this is
the month when children fix
their attention on literature
in which Santa Claus takes a
leading part, and wives and
daughters allow theirs to dwell
on the old gentleman's purse.
An old lady was once asked
the age when girls gave up
playing with dolls, and the
answer came back: "When
they have children of their
own" So it is about Santa
Claus. Children give him up
as mythical when they are old
enough to realize a flesh and
blood Santa Claus in their
father. If it happens to be a
girl, she will cling to the old
gentleman until she wins a
Santa Claus who will be her
individual property.
1t is with these flesh and
blood Santa Claus that we
wish to whisper. On the
Australia which arrived last
week there were several large
cases of solid silver ware for
us. In turn we will dispose of
it to Santa Claus. We will
have no difficulty in doing
this as the assortment is from
four Of the largest and best
factories in the United States.
You will have an opportu-
nifty to view the goods later.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1896-10-31

The statistician has computed that
there are under the ocean, spreading
to almost every civilized part of the
world, 1167 submarine telegraph
cables, having a total length of 142,-
700 nautical miles and representing a
capital of nearly c 40,0OO,OOO. To keep
these cables in repair requires the ex-
elusive service of thirty-seven special
ly constructed and equipped telegraph
steamers. 1t has been managed 20
miss Hawaii in building these lines
because corporations will exact from
their properties the utmost farthing
of earning capacity.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1896-10-31

The leaven of Armenian labor for
these Islands is working. Leading
members of the Government, promi-
nent planters, representative citizens
and the clergy are becoming interest
ed. Rev. John NJ. Lewis, whose first
communication on the subject is pre-
scented today, writes with much knowl-
edge of the matter. In his work at
the Palama mission Rev. Mr.. Lewis
has shown tact, executive ability, deep
insight and rare practicability. Other
articles on the subject have been
promised The Star.