Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-04-11
ALKALl IKE AND HIS TOWN

Hawville, dumped into their midst.
Il reckon" de declared, aggressively, adj
dressing the group collectively. that I've
| got the meanest, orneriest, low-downest
dog-gawnedest set of-by gosh-neighbors
that poor but honest man was ever
| cursed within
"H'm!' returned Alkali Ike, pensively.
why don't you tell what you've been
l dom to 'em, Cusack?"
Been doin' to 'emr' snorted the claim
holder. SEQ seor1fuliy. Better ask what
"Aw-hum?' drawled Ike. Eve noticed
that most generally when gent is maxim
grafton against his neighbors he's been be-
obliged to do suthin' to him to sorter break
even. Not meanin' you, 'speshully, Gu
| sack"
"Naw!' retorted the honest agricultu-
one-eyed man 'speshully when he said he
wasn't mentionin' no names or hintin' at
anybody in particular, but If the cuss that
| he'd already been trytn' to hold an ace out
| on had tried 1t again he'd shoot his other
| eye out"
| Jaw, wal" volunteered the alkaline cit
izen, indifferently, when you fling rock
into a pack of dogs the varmint that
hit"
"An right! all rightr growled the yeo-
man. But I'll tell you right now, never
done a thing to them neighbors Of mine.
| I've alwers been fair an white with em,
and treated 'em like a gang of saints. in
return for which they used me like gosh
darned stepson."
That's what they done! They whirled
| in an had me the late Mr.. Cusack Had
my eppytaph an obituary al written an,
| everything ready for plantin but the
| corpse-an me as lively an kickin' as l am
| this minut.!'
Heard suthin' about it," replied Ike.
| calmly. You tried to put up a job on EN-
an they got the best of yOu,'
mo such darned thing!" snarled Cusack.
| Il never thought Of putin up JOB on 'em.
| They fooled themselves didn't have nuth-
| in to do with it. Tell you how 1t was:
You know that thar well I've been diggln
Heard you say you'd been diggin' we'll
never seen 1t, myself.
IAN the same, thar was sech well! 1
| worked on it, off an on. for about month";
| an got it down suthin' like thirty feet. WAL.
| day before yesterday noon, while was in
| the house eatin' my lonely dinner-wife an
| Oldest daughter an the children havin gone
| over into the next county to visit our kin
| folks-the we'll took fool notion an caved
in clear up to the top. When l beheld the
! ruin an seen that my months work was
wasted, l throwed up my hands an groan-
ed plenty loud an heartsick. Directly. I
| pulled down my hands an II celebrated that
| nan is Of few days an full Of trouble plumb
| to the muzzle Upon that I goes into the
| house an dons my Sunday clothes, an then
hops on my old mule an sets cut for Rante-
dedlar, with my mouth hangln' down a
plenty"
You ort to have felt middlin' cheerful, con-
| siderin that you had left your little trap all
| set to fool your neighbors into diggin' that
thar well out while you was gone,' remark
ed Ike.
Never set no trap for 'em" asserted the
woman. Never thought of it-how was
to know that they'd think I was down in
the well when it caved IMP
| Didn't You leave your coat lynn by the
| mouth of the well?"
| "What If 7 dido T FORGOT T. o,,-hon.
can't remember everything when he's wor-
| ried an excited
"Eh-yah!" calculated Ike, derisively.
| Thar you go!' larled Cusack Il tell Won
| l never even thought of putin I'D a lob on
| em-an'. besides. who would have thought
| Trey hadn't sense enough to take a joke ?
Wal, to purseed; drags off to Rantedodlar,
| an thar I'm meetn' up with an old side
pardner of mine Tonkawa Judson, Jest
come whirlin' in from a six months stay
| down in the Panhandle"
A. then you two old dodgers purseede1
| 10 git drunk? prompted Isaac.
| No, we didn't" denied Cusack 'Nuthin'
| OF the kind-I han't that kind of a man
| Anyhow, not what you'd call drunk OF
course, you know, the Panhandle is the dry
! est country on earth, an I'm feeling mighty
lew spirited myself. an so. after we'd shook
hands an damned each other loud an ioy-
ful we adjourned an took a few drops Of
soothin syrup or little suthin' that-away.
| for our stummicks' sake. Nacheral enough,
| 1t makes us feel like new men, an we sorter
| took few drinks with the new men, An
tnen believe the new men took few horns
| with us, after which mebby we all drank
| together. Nuthn' mere than ANYBODY else
would have DONE
| 1T hain't strange that by this time me
an Judson Is considerin' that the world Is
mighty small an restricted, an gifts to
knockfn' our horns against the sides of
| the corral. We are feeln' jovial. nothfn'
more-1 never was one of the kind of
| cusses that thinks 1t Is cute to try to tear
! up somebody else's town. All I does is
to plumb forgit all about that thar well
| that is patiently waitin' at home for me
TO come an, dig 1T out. was amin to
round up at home some time durn' the
| night was. honest! But you know how
! sech things go. 1 cont remember that we
done anything after that worth men
| tionin'."
| How'd you come to lose your memory ?'
| insinuated Ike
| Jaw. our smoke as sorter thick an our
| trail got obscure an vague At sech times
mere triaes is prone to git lost In the
| shuttle. Believe, though, do recall a little
| suthin' about me an Jud, an mebby some
%heb Gaa s0Ter t6sa the
shootin up a hyener or yak, CT some sech
| varmint, an chasin' red-streaked clown
out through the blank side of the tent
| foolishness like that.
| AT least, that is about what Judge Nc
Cord told US when he had us extracted
took the big end of the community to mt
US, an drug up before him the next day.
| Said he wouldn't refer to nuthin' else
fine old Teller, Judge McCord is! Wal. me
| an Judson spent some time in countin'
up our wounds, an it is along toward night
before I'm rickylectn' about that thar
well that hahn been dug out yet. So. di-
rectly, 1 mounts old Mr.. Mule an snails our
for home, feelin' plenty grim an headachys
! Nuthin' of interest happens till I'm about a
mile from home an it is pretty middlin'
dark. A couple Of little boys comes scoot-
in into the road from a path an starts
to skip along ahead, It is so dark they
| don't pear to reco gnize me.
| w hur are you boys bound for In sech
a rush.? says 1.
:" Coin to the funeral says one of 'em.
| That SO? says l, carelessly. Whose
| funeral, if it is a fair question:
| Old man CUsacks.'
"Old man-ug-gug!-whichs" says I, plen-
| ty Mortified. 'Cusacks? aw, 1 reckon notr
Eyes, we are!' says the boy.
Wal, you needn't be in sech a hurry
| says l. amin to be witty. They won't do
| anything till get thar
| That's whar 1 fooled myself The bovs
| scudded ON. I thinks to myself that tina r
| Is hidjus mistake somewhurs an It
strikes me that whoever is engineerin' the
| obsequies is mighty enterprisin' an prior
/ tn ho