Evening star., 1896-09-26
BIRTH OF A NEW PARTY

A new political party was born in Goat
alley last night. It is the Shellocratic party,
so named after the adoption Of the plat
form, which provides for the immediate,
Independent, free and unlimited coinage of
clam shells at the ratio Of one clam shell
to one gold dollar. 1t is also provided that
clam shells shall be full legal tender for
all debts, public and private, and when re-
ceived in payment of public dues they may
be reissued.
The convention vas called to order by
Gen. Windy Doolittle of Tramps' Haven.
Col. Barney O'Bryan of Windy Cove was
appointed chairman of the committee on
resolutions He delivered an GRAFTON which
completely hypnotized the convention.
Strong men wept and waved their feet in
| the air. Col. OBryan was carried three
| times around the hall on the shoulders of
! excited delegates. amid cries of Nominate
/ him! Nominate him. After each delegate
had privately secured a promise of lucra-
| tive office for himself and all his friends.
| the colonel was nominated by reclamation:
The committee on resolutions contended
| that our ancestors used shells as money.
| and that the dollars of the daddies' ought
| to be good enough to pay to gold bug cred
| itors. The committee had intended to fix
the ratio for free coinage Of clam shells at
| IL to l, but Gen. Wheelshead pointed out
| the pleasing fact that the ratio of l to
| would make just sixteen times as much
C.
| ratio was adopted. This action was not
unanimous. however. Maj. Dusty Rhodes
got up, with tears in his eyes. and stated
| that he would be compelled to bolt the con-
| vention because the time-honored ratio of
| 16 to had been rejected.
| Bolting came very natural to the major,
| as he has so often bolted his meals at lunch
counte when the proprietor was lookin:,
the other way. He Immediately left the
hall by the side door, taking with him a
can of beer which had been reserved for
| the committee on resolutions.
| Deacon ketchum Fowle of Foggy Bottom
also bolted because the convention declined
to make watermelon seed legal tender Tor
chickens. The deacon made his exit over
the transom of the cloak room door, taking
| uLder his arm, in an absent-minded way,
sik-lined overcoat the property of a gold
bug who attended the meeting to bribe tao
| committee on resolutions.
The convention also resolved that any
one refusing to swap a gold dollar for g
! clam shell of standard weight and fineness
should be accursed and forever after in
capable of holding any office of trust OIL
profit under a Shellocratic administration
| The convention also resolved that all for
eign nations should be compelled to receive
our clam shells on parity with gold; bu
II they should refuse we should everlast
| fIgly lick the stuffing out of them, ol
threaten to do it, anyhow, which Nigh
have the same effect. 1t was also decided
to repeal "Gresham's law" and all othel
commercial laws and customs whatsoever
| in conflict with the Shellocratic tinancia
| system.
Col Barney O'Bryan said that Gresham
was ''blarsted Englishman." anyhow, ant
I had no right TO make laws for this country
The applause which greeted this sally o.
Col. O'Bryan's was SO great that it awak
ened the policeman on the next block, wht
| threatened to have the entire assemblas'
sent to the work house unless a Hbera
"collateral' Immediately left in hi
, hands. This came near breaking UP thu
meeting, not dollar of the presen
legal tender kind could be raised in th
entire crowd. The roundsman was fnall,
aEpeased by the promise of a fat offic
when the Shellocrats come in.
Judge Weary Watkins, a delegate from
the sunny south, raised interestin,
question at this iuncture. He wanted t,
know whether the government would no
deliver the legal tender clam shells at eacl
mans door every morning in the quantit.
l desired. The Judge said he had infia NINA
tory rheumatism and his physician ha
: forbidden him to dig for clans, on accoun
Of the dampness. He also stated that exer
tion Of any kind made his heart beat to-
fast.
1t was finally decided, after heate
controversy that threatened to rend tn
4 | convention asunder. that the governmen
.. | should do the whole business, except i
l | case of any who might prefer to dig thei
: own Shells
The convention then adjourned sine bee,
L to meet again in Hogans alley unless dis
| persed by the police.