New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1896-08-02
THE TALK or THE DAY.

At recs mt introduction Of an English bishop 70
his see somebody noticed Dublin graduate wear
ing an oxford hood He pointed it out TO the
bishop and said that the pexson stood there with
lie on his back We'll" replied his lordship. you
can hardy call 1t a lie; but IT is certainly a false
hood"
Dick-But how do you know he is a sign palnerf
Harry-Because he wrote sentence In which
there were six apostrophes. and he got every
single one of them in the wrong position-(Boston
Transcript
ANOTHER VIEW OF 1T.
It's all very we'll for the poets OF passion
TO celebrate kissing with amorous fire
But | wish OSCILLATION had neer been invented
When expected to kiss Aunt Maria
4 Safe Bet-"Is your mamma in?'
I'm Mr.. Whiteband. the new minister"
Then guess mamma's expecttin YOU auns
on wash day."-tCleveland Pain Dealer
A wel-known business firm in this city has Just
received a letter from man I'm Des Moines. Iowa
In which occurs the following interesting passage
IF YOU had seen the enthusiasm for SOUND
money In the recent Republican Convention heis
you would have concluded that the credit OF 'hs
country is safe In Iowa as in New-forA
confess that | felt little alarmed during th'
Chicago Conv, ntion but nv observations since
have led me to believe that Mckinley VIII %
elected by an Overwhelming majority
-
you sir. to refuse to permit your daughter
marry
''Yessir il you will only be so kind KNOW now.
can get her consent at once. '-tlndanapoHs 'o'''
nal
What is thought to be the smallest typewriter IN
practical use is In Denver 1t is thus descrioea
by a travelling man: 1t is made of aluminium anu
is two and one-eighth inches in diameter three
quarters inch deep, and weighs complete "u'
three and one-half ounces. An ordinary "s"'n
of about the same size and weight. us i'ie'
IL very simple Fifty characters are on the "a'cn'
face-like keyboard while the type paiS lau",
from the A single key. when Is p'o'1 Sa
the particular letter desired TO be printed anu .
pressed forms the means OF operation pr "
felt Is used as the ribbon The entire Hi"S"'"
attached to a writing pad by means oi -" az
when In use. High speed is not claimed Ye' "
he operated sufficiently fast for ordinary purpoS'
The Wisdom OF EXPERIENCE ,hstn here Siria.
tious young feers that propose ~ soon On Kind Of
call half dozen times Ihey Al" Nv
Bertha-But some of them are very , nles I've
Aunt sabina- Never mind that bbS Jio%;, and
| windiest things Is most liable 10 pV'
| Free Press
| Thirty-fye boys and girls in Chicago VINO -"
! applied for admission to the Joseph Meu' "~ Al,
| School were asked to answer the fo'o" nu
questions: l. Were you In the WOODS
| YOU ever see the lake? g. Did you ever pick ~ 4,
| T. We're YOU ever In the park? >. Did you eve IT,
| a wagon behind horses? s. Did you ever r'ae ."
car on the railroad? ,,s,
On examining the answers II was ionp"
thirty out OF thirty five had never been In the WV"
| nineteen had seen Lake Michigan eiSn' 49,.
never picked flower. During the writins " 49,
answers one little girl was found TO be cr''hs 49,,
terly. On inquiry II was discovered tha' Sne
| been obliged to answer no to nearly al '"e -.
| tons, and was afraid she wouldn't pass 49,
secretary of the Bureau of Charities. In relau"h
| incident. said: she had never seen Lake NV,
| gan never picked flower. never been IN the W..
| but she understood perfectly well an exain'"""'"
Il don't suppose there Is more than one me- ,s 70
ten up In Bucks County who understands I'M, ,,er
| business" said a Chestnut-s jeweler. 10. and
! from up that way came into my store 'oc"y y,s A
| wanted a gold watch made TO order. ~ lore
| typical hayseed He carried n Carpet oas,, and
store clothes and an old-fashioned straw ha', Ca
| vet he seemed TO be a man OF more thah s'.,ae
| intelligence In his way. I want you 10 u,an' .hout
| watch OF is-carat gold he said. weIsn,,hs ,anend
four ounces told him that the cost wouiu "', n,
In a great measure upon the movement pn ,m in
| oh never mind about that he said you car Wv Won
J any old works What want most Is tne srrnn,S 10
see when this silver law passes ana u . ~ orc u
pass wen get sixteen silver dollars TOT ~. swsv
gold Now I've got two . goia a. whsn the Goo1
time comes "-lPhusdelrhis 6Ac06