The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-06-08
HUMqR IN EPIrAPH.
Newly Compiled Specimens OF
Chuchynrd CuriOsIties.


From Current Literature.
In the churchyard Of ST. John, WOrces-
ter, is an epitaph which. II brevity Is the
soul of wit. has high claim on that char
acter:
Honest John
IS dead and gone.
Here are some miscellaneous grotesquess
Here lies ME and my three daughters.
Brought here by using Cheitenham
III we had stuck TO EPSON salts
We wouldn't be In these here vaults.
From a New Hampshire churchyard:
To all my friends l bid adleu.
a more sudden death you never knew.
AS 1 was leading the old mare to drink,
She kicked, and killed me quicker'n a
wink.
on an East Tennessee lady:
She lived a life of virtue, and died OF
cholera morbus. caused by eating green
fruit, in hope of a blessed immortality, at
the early age OF 81 years months and Is
days. Reader, eco thou and do likewise"
The following was composed by three
Scotch friends TO whom the person COM
memorated had left a legacy, with the
nope expressed that they would honor him
by some record of their regrets. The first
friend composed the line which naturally
opened the epitaph
Provost Peter Patterson was Provost OF
Dundee,
The second added:
Provost Peter Patterson, here lies he.
The third could suggest no other conclu-
sion than:
Hanelujah! Halleluieel
The following must be taken as as fling
at noble profession:
Here lies the corpse Of DR.. Chard,
Who filled the half of this churchyard.
This Is as bad as the unkind hint con-
veyed IN the following, in a churchyard
near Newmarket:
Here lies the body Of Sarah Sexton,
Who never did aught to VeX one.
Not like the woman under the next stona
Domestic troubles have been laid bare
Greeks and Romans Here is a piece Of
atrociOus doggerel to be seen in Selby
churchyard, in Yorkshire:
Here Hes my wife, a sad slattern and
shrew;
The following, which frequently appears
In collections Of epitaphs, are not credited
TO any locality. and may be mere wander
ing bits of epigrammatic misogynism:
This dear little spot Is the joy Of my life;
IL raises my flowers and covers my wife.
am not grieved. my dearest life,
Sleep on-lve got another wife;
4
For / must go and live with she.
My wifes dead. and here she lies.
No man laughs. and no man cries;
Where she's gone, or how she fares.
Nobody knows, and nobody cares.
Here lies, my poor wife. without bed or
blanket
But dead as a door nail, and God be
thankit
In the following the tables are turned:
Here lies the body of Mary Ford.
Whose soul, we trust, is with the Lord;
But II for he'll she's changed this life
It's better than being John Fords wife.
Intentional drolleries frequently take the
form of puns. Among these should rank
the epitaph on Mr.. F'oote of Norwich:
Here lies one Foote. whose death many
thousands save.
For Death hath now one foot within the
grave;
and the one on Mr.. Box:
Here lies ore Box within another.
The one of wood was very good;
We cannot say so much for tother;
also the famous one Of Sir John Strange:
Here lies an honest lawyer,
That Is strange!
A "happy conceit" It was doubtless
thought in 1910, to write over a member
Of parliament named White:
Here lies a John, a burning, shining Hight.
Whose name, life, actions, all alike were
White!
The following is by Swift on the Earl
Of Kildare:
Who killed Kildare? Who dared Kildare
to kill?
Death killed Fildare-who dare kill whom
he will
Here are few miscellaneous examples.
the first on a Mr.. Fish:
Worms are bait for fish; but here's a
sudden change;
Fish is bait for worms-is not that pass
ing strange?
On William Button, In churchyard
near Sanbury:
o sun, moon, stars and ye celestial poles!
Are graves, then, dWindled into Button
holes2
On Foote the comedian:
Foote from his earthly stage, alasl is hurl-
Death took him off. who took off all the
world.
Is the satire in the following examples
Intentional?
Maria Brown, wife Of Timothy Brown.
aged 50 years. She lived with her hus-
band hffg years, and died in the conf
dental hope of a better life.
Here les Bernard Lghtfoot who was ac-
cidentally killed In the 45th year Of his
age This monument was erected by his
grateful family