New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1896-01-22
THE TALK or THE DAY.

"Vae. Frank Lawler. vae.' says THE Chicago
Journal You were a rough diamond but you
your friends"
Damages Assessed.-"You advertise to pull teeth
without pain for 80 cents" srowled the victim.
and here you not only half pull my head of. but
want me to give up dollar. What do you mean
by it?'
said the dentist. Il bet you drove away all the
possible customers within four blocks. "-(Cincinnau
Enquirer
How do the De Tompkyns manage with the baby
in that tiny fiat?"
oh they have frst-rate scheme. They keep
him in the deepest OF the bureau drawers, and when
he cries they shut him up at once.'
Her Idea.-"Dear me-" said Maude. there has
been dreadful lot OF talk In the financial articles
about gold ring. What do you suppose they are
oh | don't know" replied Mamie. in a weary
tone Il guess it's just more OF this silly joking
about engagements. "-(Washington Star.
An English preaching a large con-
grega,on on New Years Eve. In the course OF his
remarks. which were extemporaneous. he appealed
70 different classes beginning. And you. old men.
with your hoary heads" Then addressing the
young men he said: And you. young men, with
your blooming cheek-ahem! mean with the bloom
still upon your cheek
4 Simple Dagnosis.-Professor Schuslich-I don't
know what's the matter with me. doctor am per.
petually limping to-day Is II locomoor ataxy
Doctor-why, Professor. you are walking with
one foo, the curbstone and the other In the
gutter.-,Lustige Batter.
THE Jewish Standard" OF this city thus vigor.
ously criticses unworthy Jews: We are sorry to
say that there quite number OF craven-heartsd
Jews who feel hattered when told that they look
like Christians weakened Jews who are ashamed
of their faith servile Jews who think that because
they pork people Will imagine they are pro-
gressive; greedy Jews who violate their Sabbath
because they make few dollars: shoddy jews
who believe that lavish display OF jewelry will
atone for their uncouth manners bosterous Jews
who play cards In their shirtsleeves at their hotel
rooms with open windows on the Christian Sabbath.
and Indifferent Jews who only believe IN jewish
weddings and Jewish funerals"
Regular Stampede. several persons ner:
crushed TO death last night at the performance OF
the Amateur Grease Paint Company
no. just getting away from the performers!"-
Chicago Record.
Title and Lizzie OF Philadelphia, nineteen yeao
old are remarkable twins If the stories told OK
them be true When suffers pain, the other
feels It also. Either sister can find the other IN
crowd OF any size without hunting" as they ex'
press 1t. The resemblance between the two grs
is remarkable. Both weigh exactly the same Iher
recolections of past events precisely the same
Neither one can recall single occurrence tha1
did not happen In the presence OF both. II taxes
the minds OF both TO retain lasting recollection
OF any Happenings but when the fact Is once I'M
pressed upon the minds OF BOTH neither one for
gets It's least important feature.
Not long ago a celebrated novelist was the CUES!
OF honor at a brilliant reception. lie had neard
the praises OF his own work until every one out .
conceitcd man would have been faint and weary
paily a tmid man was presented to him, who said.
with apologize air; Il IN ashamed 10 CONFESS
IT, but orwar o"f look * % reS and joy
irradatng his face He PLACED both hands on me ne
said With a warmth he had not shown before
even to those OF high degree I'm glad 10 "es'
"-(Phlladelphia inquirer
In fifty trips made last year the American Lane
OF steamers carried the second largest number "
passengers OF any line in the transatlantic ser
vice aggregating 1916. The Cunard Line in hty-
seven tips carried 1886 cabin passengers leading
the list The White Star Line. In hfty-one trips
had H. 500 The North German Lloyd Line led the
list In steerage passengers. The total NUMBER VI
passengers. both alien and native landed at inc
port during 1855 from Europe was %.55s cabin ana
$3.50 steerage and 1872 trips of steamers we're MACS
TO carry them.
The train was about ten miles west OF ipsiahImi
when an old sh man came into the car Win hers
In his hand and called out: kin any person. a Ia
Wiling Wiling to try. and he hnay got two lives Tine, Thsaa
he wanted one OF them broken ana ne nna ave ones
Fri take em WI replied pile the man bu; then snail
want somebody to bust a dollar FUR me. ,rvssti.
s s%S hayes hsr purse ss II cant git quar-
ters" he replied. I'm sorry TO make All i hss
soas4 Ss to stop SS on at 81
sister for three or four days while r 80 and she'll
naturally feel Ettie queer without any mSns si;
thought I'd give her quarter but ,bo ~ ciT know
in never see any of il back She'll go dOwn'S sDa
ard through dollar in lessn wS Sn nIf rot
au saSs e assS % NV yea
corner Of her hsndkerchiss a. sns s'' ." "