Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-11-09
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She sweetly bears the burdens
That'd kill man were they his;
Yet she flies quite all to pieces
If her hair gets out of friz.

Judge.
Howso-I can do my best work when
it is hot. Cumso-What a great future
you have before you-Life.
She-What do you think of those CT
gars bought for your birthday? He
1 don't Think try to forget them
London Pick-Me-Up.
Judge-What is the charge against
this prisoner? Policeman-He stole a
wheel, your honor. Judge-What make?
philadelphia North American.
Sawyer, I've cured my wife's insom-
MA" How did you do it?" o"Had the
maid get up and ring the rising bell in
the middle Of the night. Chicago Rec
ord.
She--Do you suppose his wife really
supports him? He-I judge so. He told
me he didn't know what real happiness.
meant until after he got married.
Puck.
Louise-The bishop looked rather
cross, didn't he? Isabel-Well, no won
| der; every one of the bridesmaids had
on bigger sleeves than he had.-Tit-
Bits. , Il
Hello, gloves" said Jack to Tommie
and Sammle. "Whatcher call us gloves
for?" asked Tommie Because you
are pair Of kids" said Jack.-Harper's
Bazaar.
Winks-Do you believe in hypnotism?
Binks- OF course. 1 do. Don't you see
this necktie that the clerk induced my
wife to buy the other day ?-Somerville
Journal.
81 tell you, these little vacation trips
do a fellow an immense amount Of
good" $50 they do. feel. braced up
enough to bluff every creditor have"
Chicago Record.
First Bicyclist-Isn't the scenery
striking along the Bryn Mawr road?
Second Bicyclist-Yes; / have arnica
plasters on the places it struck me-
Philadelphia Press
81 tell you,"' cried the author, "I'm
going to rise in this world" The edi-
tor eyed him doubtfully for five. seconds
and then asked: Balloon or elevator?'
Atlanta Constitution.
Miss Daisy Medders (coyly)-Do you
love me, Jason? Jason Huckleberry--
Course I love you! Do you s'pose I'd
have been actin the fool over you all
this time if 1 didn't?-Truth.
Doesn't it strike you that the tenn
perature Of this room is rather high?"
There isn't any doubt about it," re-
piled the frugal young man., every
ton of coal costs Washington Star.
There's the bicycle face, and the bicycle
back,
With it's queer altitudinous curve;
And the bicycle tongue, in the middle
hung,
And the scorcher's bicycle nerve.
indianapolis Journal.
Bacon-Did you know there were
over 735,O13,559, different. whist
hands in a pack Of cards? Egbert-Yes;
my wife tells me about each one nearly
every time we play.-Yonkers States
man.
"Bilker, you ought to be ashamed to
wear such good clothes when~you owe
me so much money" mo; you ought to-
be proud to lend money to a man who
wears such good clothes. Chicago
Record.
"Coun try's gone to the dogs;eno hope
for itw ''Too bad! Just had an cleo
ton, haven't your Eyes" "Well.
wasn't it fair one?'' ftOh, yes! But
l was beat, sir-plum beat" Atlanta
Constitution.
''You don't make allowances for our
boy said the fond mother. "That
shows how little we are appreciated
said her husband, as he finished draw
ing a check. Il don't do much else."-
Washington Star.
Sageman-That walters hand always
reminds me Of race horse shortly af-
ter the beginning Of a race. Seeker
And for what reason, pray? Sageman
Because it's on the quarter stretch
Boston Courier.
'"There were couple of fellows in the,
hotel last night who shouldn't be per-
mitted to travel alone" What did
they do? Blow out the gasp mo,
they blew out the safe door. "-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
She-Dear me. Why don't they teach
choruses to sing intelligibly? 1t is so,
aceravating to be unable to distinguish
the words. He-You don't know your
luck. | have read the libretto.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
eyes," said the tenderfoot, as he sail
ed rapidly through the air; Il know l
am an ungraceful rider. But" and he
commenced disengaging himself from
the cacti, 81 don't need any points on
alighting.
Summer Guest-The mosquitoes were
terribly bad last night Look at my
face. Jersey Landlord (reassuringly)-
Oh. there's no mosquitoes here, sir
none worth mentioning. Them's bugs.
New York Weekly.
Plugwinch II understand that