The Republican journal., 1896-05-28
TEDDY GNANT', CNMEr.

TEDDY CHANTS GOMEZ
PNosPGCr FERRY, Me, April %. If ii
had been close time for netting smelts: if
the COWS had not run away to the back
pasture; if it had been a cold spring, so
the potatoes would not have sprouted in
tie cellar; if the road between his house
and the river had been in good state of re-
pair. and if all of these positive and mega
| tive conditions had not come together on
| last Monday afternoon, Teddy Grant, a
| farmer fisherman here would not have
discovered a wandering comet at a time
when he was thinking of something else,
and his neighbors would not be laughing
at him to day.
| 1t is custom among down east farmers
to bring their potatoes ont of the cellar
i and put them in barrels near the house
as soon as they begin to sprout. In ac-
| coriance with this practice, Grant carried
! ont six bushels on last Monday afternoon.
/ filling two barrels to the chimes and hav-
ing nearly a bushel left over, which he
| put in third barrel. After this he went
to drive up the COWS, passing nearly an
I hour in hunting for one, which he failed
, to find. Then he MIXED, ate his supper,
and, shouldering his dip net, went down
to the banks of the Penobscot to catch
! smelts. He was gone more than an hour,
and in that time secured about a half
/ bushel of fish, all of which were found
the next day scattered through the bushes.
Soon after Grant went fishing, the high
way surveyor came along, and found the
road SO bad that he felt compelled to
| hang up light near the slough holes to
warn travellers OF danger. He borrowed
a lantern from Mrs. Grant, and, taking
! the brIipl that ,,artlx ilIaJ Ri
tatoes, to hold it above the mud, stuck up
his beacon and went home. He had
hardly finished the job when Grant S mis-
| sing COW came up from the pasture. See
ing light in the middle of the road she
went to investigate it, and soon had her
| head far down in the barrel reaching for
! potatoes. 1t was we'll with the COW until
she finished the potatoes and attempted
to remove her head from the barrel. Then
her horns brought up against the slaves,
and the barrel, with lantern attached,
was lifted from the mud When the daz-
! ed animal had made few dozen turns in
the road, dashed into barbed wire fence.
and broken down two small shade trees,
she started off at a brisk run, swinging
her tail above her back, and making the
lantern wobble like dissolute will-o'
| the wisp
/ The COW was making about 20 miles an
| hour and throwing mud like yellow dog
after woodchucks, when she reached the
steep part of the hill and met Grant, who
was feeling his way home with the smells.
Over went Grant into a pool, aud over
him the frantic COW. Grant picked him
self up, looked at the receding COW, yell
ed twice, and made for home, leaping all
the way and spilling smelts at every bound.
When he had locked and barred the
door and wiped off a little mud from his
clothing Grant told his wife about the
mishap and asked her if she had seen a
comet 60 by during his absence. He felt
sure it was a comet that had hit him, be-
cause the newspapers said the comets
travelled very fast and We're always we'll
lighted, and those two conditions agreed
with the manifestations lie had observed.
His wife then related what the survey
or had done, and intimated that it might
have been the potato barrel and lantern
combination instead of a comet, and as
they were both gone she suggested that
he had better investigate some things be
fore announcing his discovery. Advice
of any kind was wasted on Grant, who
| insisted on taking something hot to bed
with him, where he stayed until his wife
found the COW caught in clump of
bushes on the shore and brought her
| home.
The story would have been kept as fam
lily secret if Grant had been the only man
to go smelling that night There were
two others, however, who stayed longer
than Grant and saw the whole perform
ance. They helped Mrs. Grant rescue
the COW, and then told the story in the
post office. Yielding to the weight of
evidence, Grant has abandoned the comet
hypothesis, and is yielding to the local
demand for cigars and other things at his
expense.
''The reason why the British want to
swallow up half of Venezuela" asserted
Pat, sis because Of the gold there is
down there
Sure replied Mike, ''they'r re always
after gold the English. If they were
landed on an uninhabited island, they
would not be there an hour before they
have their hands in the pockets of the
naked savagesH' Harpers Round Table.