Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1896-03-04
Aut1urous Department.
HOW BEN PURTLE GOT HIS WIFE.

The very climax of ugliness was Bel
Purtle. He was red haired, and ever!
hair stood as if it cherished the mos
supreme contempt for its next neigh
Dor. His face was freckled as the mos
bespotted turkey egg; his nose supper
ted at the bridge huge bump, while
the end turned viciously to one side
His form was as uncouth as his fac
was ugly still, what was very strange
he had a most handsome, bouncing
blooming wife, such as only can b.
grown on a country farm. "How th'
deuce" said to Ben one day, "dit
you ever get such a wife-you uncouth
misshapen, quintessence of monstrosi
ty ?" Ben was not at all offended a
the impudence of my question, ant
forthwith proceeded thus to solve tn
mystery: -, ,
t'No. gals, what's sensible, ain
cotched by your highfalutin airs ant
quality dressin' and cologne. Yol
know that Kate was always called th'
prettiest girl in these parts, goodtem
pered, too, and all the fellows tried te
catch her. I used to 60 over to Uncle
Sammy's just to look on, you know
and cast sleeps eyes at Kate, but lore
sakes! I had no more idea that
could get Kate than a Jerusalem
cricket could hide in the hair on old
Sammy's bald head. I couldn't helI
sighing, and my ears would burn, ano
nv heart kind o. futter whenever
would talk to Kate. One day, wher
Kate sort O. made fun of me like, II
almost killed me, sure. I went home
with something like a rock jostline
around in my breast, and cen a. mos
thought I'd hang myself with the frs
plow line I found"
"Did you hang yourself9" I asked
"No Daddy blazed off at me for moi
taking old Ball to pasture in the morn
ing and scared me so bad that 1 forgot
all about it."
"Go on" said I, seeing Ben pause
with apparent regret that he had mo-
executed his vow.
"Well, one Sunday morning, 1 reck
on, about a year after the hanging
scrape, 1 got up and scraped my face
with daddy's razor, and put on my
new linsey coat and copperas britches
nanny had dyed with sassafras barl
and fixings, and went over to Uncle
Sammy's. Now I'd got to loving Kate
by this time like all creation, but 1'd
never told anybody about my feelings
Well, when got there, found JOE
Sharp and his two sisters was there
and that the order of the day was te
20 a muscadine hunting. Joe Sharpe
was flying around-"Miss Kate this
and "Miss Kate 'tother." BY and by
we came to a nasty black muddy
slough that we had to cross on a log
and nothing would do but that Joe
Sharpe should lead Miss Kate across
They got about half way when in went
a tarnation big bull frog, and in went
Miss Kate to the waist in the nasty
black, muddy slough. Joe ran back
ward and forward on the log, hollow
ing for a pole to help her out. 1 wat
in there, and had her outin less thar
no time. Joe Sharpe came up ano
says, "Miss Kate, are you hurt ?" MY
dander was up, and would not stano
it. Lust caught him by the seat O
his white trousers and the back of his
coat collar and gave him toss. May
be he didn't 60 clear under when he
struck the water. I didn't wait to SEE
him out. Me and Kate struck right
for the house. By and by Kate says
"Ben, just let me hold on to your arm
my knees feel sort O. weak" I made
a tremendous effort to say something
nice, but confound the luck, I couldn''
get my mouth off, no how. But l fell
as strong as an elephant, and helped
Kate along. By and by Kate says
"Ben, that Joe Sharpe is a good fol
nothing, sneaking, cowardly nobody
and if he puts his head inside our
house again, I'll souse him with dirty
water, sure" made another tremend
Gus effort to get my mouth off, bu,
nothing could 1 say. By and by Kate
says: "Ben, I feel that you are m!
protector, and believe daddy about
right when he says you are worth al
the boys in the neighborhood."
made another tremendous effort to gel
my mouth off, and it popped surt
enough-said 1, "Kate, if you are
going to have me, just say so, righ'
straight up and down." Kate didn'l
say anything, but hung down her heac
and kinder sighed. Ifelt encouraged
said I, "Kate, if you are going to have
me just squeeze my hand" and she
squoze it, right straight. Great gee
meny, how I did feel. / felt like &
stream of warm sassafras tea, sweeten
ed with molasses, was running through
nv bones. l cotched her right around
the neck and kissed her square on the
mouth, and she never tried the hrs'
time to get loose.
"Old Sammy was mighty wei
pleased about the thing, and so was
the old woman, and we got married the
next fall after the muscadine scrape.
,s@ An Irishman, on seeing a notice