The Monitor-register., 1896-01-24
A LITTLE FUN.

w mats the matter ?'' inquired the
proprietor.
"These people are getting too abstruse
for me. Here's young man who writes
to inquire just how far it is proper for a
gentleman to encourage lady who
shows symptoms of proposing - WASH
sngton Star.
Remember that politeness always
pays. my boy" said the benevolent old
gentleman to the bootblack.
"Mebbe," replied the practical boy,
'but I'd rather have nickel than a
thank ye' for blaeking shoes" Pitts6urg
Chronicle Telegraph.
x**
Good Grounds .-Watts-"Tbere won't
be any European war. Those rulers are
all related to one another"
Potts-''That's the very reason think
there will be war."-IndianapOlis Journal.
~*x
No Contact Probable e.-Friend-"That
was pretty sharp editorial paragraph
that you had about Cheatem in the paper
yesterday. Aren't you afraid that he
will come in and try to thrash you 2as
Editor-"Oh, no; he won't comeSnear
me. He has owed me $40 nov for eleven
years." ."-iSomerUill Journal.
~
"You don't mean to say the cashier has
gomez"
"Yes," replied the bank official.
"Dear mel He had such pleasing
appearance"
"Yes, and such a displeasing disap
pearanee. p Philadelphia american.
NV
Can it be-" said the South American
leader of the opposition, that We are
outgeneraled ?"
II think not" said the subalterD. SAT
last accounts we had four generals to
every private, and the hated tyrant had
but proportion of two and one half."-
Cincinnati Enquirer
***
Show long have you lived in this
neighborhood ?"
Ever since that pine tree was a
saplin'."
Sand how long is that?''
"Ever since Bill Jones dug the first
well. ."-Atlanta Constitution
~
Waiter (to cook )-"Steak for one
Gent don't want it raw, ner he dom
want it burnt black"
Cook (angrily)-"Is that what b,
said ?"
Waiter-"No, not exactly. 1 asked
him how he wanted it an he said 'medi
um.' IN. Y. Weekly.
*~~
"How does it happen" remarked tn,
Captain to the Lieutenant, "you didn'
marry old Richman's daughterr'
"Oh, the family was dead against it,
"But what about the girlP"
"Well, YOU see. she happened to be ons
of the family. ly."-1I-Bats
Ax*~
Billy-"Papa, how old do you suppose
this turkey was when it came on tht
table ?"
Papa-'Oh, about six months"
|" Billy-"Well. anyway, tits ate now."-
Harper's Basar.
Nv
Havsum-"The trouble with this bsei
is that it is neither very good nor YER
bad"
Waiter-"That's right, sir. You or
dered half-and half, didn't you9"-Ror
bury Gasstte.
Baggs-"Well, old man, what dfd yot
get in your stocking this morning ?'s
Waggs-"My foot. ."-Brooklyn Life.
.*M
Little Mrs. Justwed (sobbingly-fJu Ju
ju just think, Haroldl The cuc-cuc- ca
has eaten all the angel cake buh- bake,
this m-m.morningl And 4oh-boo! boo
no or'
Mr.. Justwed (soothingly) = "There
there, darling! Don't cry about it'll II
get you another cat ."-PucA
~
"This is sad occasion for you, sister,
essayed the comforter.
81 allow it is" assented the widow
"But it is heap sadder for ."-Indian
apolis Journal
~
She (fngering the keys of the piano.
"Do you play much, Mr.. Kaw ler P'
He-"No; not under the new racip
laws-er, that is, yes; play the flut
some. "-Toson Topics
~
Father-"Why did you permit your
Mashman to kiss you in the parlor las
night2"
Daughter-"Because l was afraid he't
catch cold in the hall. Brooklyn LIT,
***
Indignant Custom er-''Look here, I'v
been waiting here for the last half hour.
Waiter-"That's nothing. I've bee
waiting here for the last two years, and
amt kicking about it, either. ."-Tesd
Siftings.
~
"This joke" said the disgusted sub
scriber, "was originated in 1884"
Yes" repli the editor, calmly, "tha
was when We bought it."-Indianapolt
Journal
Citily-"Do you think l can secure
water lot at Lonelywo ood- on. the Hudson
or are they all sold?"
| Commuter enthusiastically )-.I know
you can! Every lot there is water To-
at high tide. ."-Judgs.
&*xs
| Wayworn Watson-"W'y, wat yor
runnin' fer? Did she set the dog OF
YEP" -
Perry Patettic-''Naw; but she set me
out whole half chicken, bread, butter
n jelly an pack o. eigareets. bel
she wanted to marry mel'- Cincinnati
| ENQUIRER