Democratic Northwest and Henry County news. [volume] (Napoleon, O. [Ohio]) 1894-1905, 1896-10-08
NETWORKS CULTURE
HER INTELLECTUAL ADVANCEMENT
FROM 4 CHICAGO STANDPOINT.


The Gotham Sunday Piper - an Educator.
How Chicago Can Emulate Her Eastern
Rivals Example-If All the Flies In New
York Were One Fly. Etc.
In New York newspaper the other day
. writer on the subject Of intellectual ad-
vancement in America said that we as a
people had to contend against ignorance
west Of the Alleghanies The New York
Sunday newspapers have only small cir
culation west of the mountains, and this
| is apparently why Chicago and the region
he-eabouts is left In darkness. II the Chi
oago people had read the Sunday papers,
| they would know that If ell the flies in
New York city could be amalgamated.
fused or welded (not wielded) into one fly,
that 1y would be Gs tall as three story
building and have legs 30 feet long.
| They could look at lifesize picture Of
Mrs Bryan's feet and admire a charming,
full page study Of q snake swallowing a
baby, In fact, they would be fully abreast
with the intellectual giants of the east who
recently calculated that If all the New Jer-
sey mosquitoes We're made into one mos
quito the creature would be as large as an
elephant and have a stinger t8 inches in
diameter
! Until this morning Chicago has not
| Joined in the educational movement which
has been demanding the best thought CT
New York for so many weeks One Sun
day New York newspaper printed high
| ly edifying picture of u man $40 feet high,
leaning carelessly against the tallest build
ing in town as If 1t were a kitching post.
"If all the men In New York were made
into one man, +" was the line underneath.
Next week all the horses in New York
were put into one horse, beside which the
Washington arch seemed mere garden
gate Next there was an alarming picture
entitled, If All the Smoke In New York
Came Out of One Stack :" A full page
iIus5raUlon representing dense CLOUDS or
smoke was naturally an attractive feature
for family paper
1 IF all the bicycles In New York were
made into one bicycle" All, that was a
triumphl The front wheel was as large as
the Ferris wheel at the Worlds fair and
the barrel tubing was great tunnel,
through which tallyhos could be driven.
IF all the coff1ns used In New York last
week were made into one coffin" That
was cheerful conception.
This has been going on for weeks and
may continue indefinitely. The Sunday
newspapers are sure of having good mate
rial for years to come The editor Of the
department has only to turn to the diction-
ary and begin with the first page Of "a. I"
The first word he finds Is ''aard- vark- -
Very we'll There is a suggestion for a
picture showing all the aard-varks of New
York city rolled into one mammoth aard-
vark Then let him take up the other sub
jects as they follow.
"How all the abacisci of New York
would appear If made into one abaciscus. I"
"All the abacists Of New York made into
one abacist" The "abacot," the 'abac-
tor the "abaft, " the "abanga" and the
"abattoir' could be used later.
The advanced educational movement In
the east proves conclusively that what the
Chicago people want to know Is what
would be the effect If all the boomers in
Chicago We're pieced together into one gi-
gantic pair of bloomers, to be nailed on
the front of the Auditorium hotel.
If all the odors from the Chicago river
were assembled into one great odor and
bottled, what would be the comparative
size of the bottle if stood alongside Of the
Columbus statue on the lake 'front.' Sup
pose all the garbage boxes that need clean
ing could be represented in grand total by
! one garbage box. Would this box be as
!, large as the city hall2 Or wouldn't it The
people have right to know.
Thousands of frog legs are received In
South Water street every year. If the TO-
tai receipts for the year could be graphic
ally represented by one pair of legs, span.
ming the river near the cold storage ware
house. with tugboat passing underneath,
would not the men and women of this be-
f nighted community feel lifted up some
what from having looked upon the pic
ture?
Suppose all the collar buttons In Chi
cago were made into one collar button
what would be the appearance OF this col
iqr button when loaded on q dray?
I These are questions which must be an
fwered If Chicago Is to keep up with tht
educational movement in the east. Tht
: information given this morning Is a mert
beginning. 1t Is no more than an indica
ton of what may be accomplished herr
when the people have climbed up to tht
New York plane of culture and begin Il
understand that full page picture of {
. prize fighters fist is 80 per cent pure foot
for the Juvenile mind.
No oChicago newspaper has yet computed
Marshall Fields wealthsin 1 cent piece
and made picture showing the size of th'
canvas bag that would be large enough *
hold all the coppers. In fact, the educa
tional movement has made scarcely an!
headway in the west.
Mrs. Bryan travelled through the ives
and made stopover in Chicago withou
attracting very much attention to her feet
but as soon as she reached New York tn
leaders of the educational movement CAV
to the public life size picture of Mrs
Bryan feet and 500 words of description
= That was just what the people had beef
waiting for. Chicago has been slow. Blu
b this morning start is made In the righ
4 direction. Chicago Record.
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