The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1896-11-04
BOSTON CULTURE SHOCKED.
The Candidate For Porter's Job and His
Reckless Frivolity.

"A competitive examination OF appl1-
cants for the positions of porter and err
rand boy in the Boston Public library
was held recently. One of the candi-
dates for porter shocked the examiners
by his display of frivolity in evading
questions which he could not answer.
He did not get the position. The paper
as printed is as follows:
O. Describe briefly the difference, as
recorded in history, between d pilgrim
and Puritan. A. One was center
board and the other fin keel.
c. Through what states does the Mis-
sissippi river pass? A. Its usual state,
mud and water; does not alter.
Q. Where is Chicago? A. 1 don't
know. l am New Yorker
@. Where is Clevelandf A. He won't
tell.
@. Describe a feasible course for the
circumnavigation of the globe, mention
ing all bodies of water which would be
passed through. A. In balloon. No
waters would be passed through.
Q. What was the cause of the war of
1912 and of the Mexican war? A. Love
for fighting, with excuses.
O. Describe two famous naval battles
of any age. A. The ships which were
to contend with each other approached
and an engagement ensued in which
one side got the worst of it. The fight
then stopped. This describes all naval
battles and of any age.
q. Mention i'll chronological order
the political parties in the United States
which have in turn controlled affairs
from 1889 to the present? A. Not hay
ing been an officeholder during any of
the periods referred to these facts have
escaped me.
Q. What was the French revolution?
Give dates and tell in few words what
causes produced it? A. The French rev.
olution was an uprising among the
French people. 1 cannot "give dates, "
because this revolution only occurred
once. 1t was called by the desire to kill
those whose faults were different.
@. How may the races of mankind be
chiefly divided? A. Losers and winners.
@. What does the IndO- Germanic
family include? A. Indians and Ger
mans, but in Kansas the combination
is said to be not success.
O. Is there any distinction ethnically
between the Chinese and Japanese? If
So what? a. Yes. The Japanese can
fight.
O. What is a troubadour? A. The
trouabdour is now extinct, and the ques-
ton should inquire as to what trouba-
dour was.
q. Name the present poet laureate?
A. A western paper lately said his
name was William Watson.
Q. What is % "a wade mecum, (2) a
concordance, (3) a digest? A. If you
swallow No 2, you will have No. fo:'
want of No. 8.
Q. What do you understand by the
phrase "blank verse;" A. General
WEAKNESS.
Q. Name an English author who used
it? A 1t never had any USE
@. OF what persons are the following
pseudonyms: Mark Twain, George
Eliot, Curer Bell, Jean Paul? A. Their
real names don't count
c. Why are these pseudonyms used?
A. To create mystery-for advertise
mGnt.
=. What is the difference between
university and college? A. 1t is merely
one of degree.
O. What is secondary education? A.
Taking things on hearsay.
O. What 10 you understand by uni
versity extension? A. The Yale boat
race in England.
Q. What do you understand by the
word "fetich?" A. a yellow dog, for
luck.
Q. Why is piracy now practically ex-
tinct? A. Through change Of name. Ex-
cept i'll the book business, it is now call
ed diplomacy, 4" 'trusteeship, " etc.
Q. Give plausible explanation Of
the origin of the Indians of America.
A. There is none.
Q. What, i'll few words, are trans
cendentalism, epicureanism and utili-
tarianism? A. The first means thinking
on the roof while living in the base
ment; the second means living high on
81. so week; the third is the study Of
how to do so.
Q. Name in chronological order of
the various peoples which have inhabit-
ed England. A. England has been in
habited by English only. Various for
eign people arrived, but Immediately
became English.
Q. What does the present British
empire include? A. Everything it could
grab, except the United States, Vene-
zuela, Ireland and some of the sur
rounding planets. Baltimore Sun.