New-York tribune., 1896-10-20
THE TALK or TIE DAY.

\ Chicago burglar said TO Sherir Pease the other
d,,.. "tvc cracked more than seventy safes in my
,,r,e I'm, rye never used anything eXcept powue''
dynamite and glycerine II I'VE 10 hhsh .i's
bl, A. Joliet I'll do little WORK aiter"ar" '''e
Will astonlsh the boys | can cut through ai'nos'
any safe In Chicago inside of TWO hours with e'ec
,rlcl,v and without making enough noise to waken a
c,, I yot tina, pointer from the electrical display
=, the Worlds Fair and I'VE been working AT IL
over sInco II l. entirely feasible. I'll prove II TO
you by-and-bye
The political excitement. always sure 70 take q
firm root In the minds OF Young America curing d a
prssideFE b eampsif ns Of
energies to pilferlng barrels for elecion-nisnt po
ercs are org ,1zing juvenile campaign clubs IL rs
saiion that they invade chestnut-st.. bu' sa.i
n,,,si,s,s took the stree; by storm. Each one
carr..d 4 lr,le fag on a stick. and all were Yelling
miniature Transparency. not much larger than a
hat on one side painted IN crude ieLters' ,ho rs
F%gG,r r'S,,on 70 Ward We want GoldlPhIladel
phla Record
IN his last lecture at Yale Divinity School DR.
Watson told this story: Il WAS travelling III ran
road carriage Sitting near me we're an e'uers
gentleman and a good worthy man, VINO pciie'eo
he had the OF every human soul In hs Keeping
TIL, worthy man leaned over 70 the elderly man.
.,, y,s rugged type OF John Bull. and asked him:
him:
DO YOU know where YOU are going to?
".Wbatg exclaimed the elderly gentleman
"u say do YOU know where you are going TOT
Liverpool was the reply
oh | didn't mean that exclaimed the worthy
man.
".p,dn't mean that" shouted the elderly gentle
man now thoroughly aroused II this Is the Brad
,ord express 1t must he stopped. I want TO so TO
I,verpool' and with that he made a dive for the
bell rope
"uc probably would have reached it," continued
,ha frQip "a
,crycned and told the elderly man that he was on
the train for Liverpool
".Nha, did YOU mean. then? inquired the elderly
gentleman. rather sharply.
- simply wanted to ask YOU II you knew whether
YOU we're going to Heaven or to He'll" was the
reply.
,l.man. apparently greatly relieved. but I thought
Won were speaking about a far more serious mat
ter. "
Another Sherlock Holmes don't see how you
rot on TO me- said tile bunco man. sadly i've
gene and wasted whole summer growing tne
whiskers and getting the tan for this farmer make
up. and I get pinched the minute nit the town.
How did you get on?
The great detective smiled Cat the prisoners ex-
pense by -the-w way. II never knew farmer to
light a match on the sole Of his boot, he said
indianapolis Journal
A man named Genney. who is the Popocratic
candidate for Congress in the Council Bluffs, Ia.
produce before his audiences silver dollar cut In
halves He holds the parts of the coin up
where all can them and bellgerently shouts
This Is what We going to do with the dollar
Wen cut 1t In two. and the Plutocrats will have to
take one OF the pieces for the debts We owe them
II they refuse to accept H. We will compel them"
Tommy Wants to oKnow.-Tommy-Paw. who's go
ing to be elected
MIR Tuckcr-Bryan. my son.
"Mhatn happen thea?
What does that mean
1T means that the of silver bullion will be
doiiars DOLL rs without With paying anything for it, ' INV
"its the silver before It's coined"
What do we want free coinage for?'
I'm glad to see you take an interest In such
to bring the price OF silver bullion up to 81 % an
ounce and make make sIou SSHd Wss wor,b nov
1T is worth about IS cents"
And Bryans going TO be elected?"
Then. paw. why don't you buy great big pile
Of bullion and make whole vason-load Of money!"
the som Of gold 0S bug m as
the skin clear of Of yOu!"-(chlcaso Tribune.
A Colorado genius claims that he has found a
way to telegraph without wires from one mountain
top to another IN an east ana west direction using
atmospheric strata which already electrified as
his conductor. The apparatus employed has not
been publicly described. but the inventor Is said to
be experimenting In Colorado and Utah. and he
says he has transmitted messages by his method
over distance Of eighty miles.
The old parish clerk was a sure perverter when
an opening was given A rector told his clerk TO
announce that during the next six weeks-probabiy
during the Lenten scason-the vicar OF - and
himself would preach alternately on Sunday
mornings. The clerks perverslon took the form OF
an announcement that these reverend gentlemen
would preach Ito all eternity" A vicar OF Ooostrey
In Cheshire said to his clerk: Give out that there
will be no service here on Sunday afternoon next
as ] shall DO officiating at Power" The moment
came and the announcement concluded, "as the
vicar Will bs a-nshing 1t Psover."-(London Spec