Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-12-28

Life
as Wheelhed man of his word?''
81 fear not. He says he has bicycle
lamp that never goes out."-NeW York
Evening Journal.
''What is 'coign of vantage, papa?"
Something American girls use in
catching foreign husbands, my SOM
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune
He (cautiously)-If l should propose,
would you say 'yes?" She (still more
cautiously)-If you knew l would say
Eyes" would you propose?-Truth
''That horrid Miss Burners tries to
be SO mannish. She actually smokes
cigarettes. Il don't see anything man
nish in that" indianapolis Journal.
Benedict-That adage Marry in haste
and repent at leisure is all bosh! Sin
gleton-Why? Benedict-Because mar
ried men have no leisure-Boston TRAY
eler.
did you hear what Brief. the lawyer,
has for his motto?' mo. What?'
Where there's will there's a way to
break it. Cincinnati Commerce.
Tribune.
Wiggles-Hang it all. I've got cold
coming on. Waggles (sympatheticallyf
Yes; just think of all the advice that
you'll have to take about it!-Somer-
vile Journal
''And you broke off the engagement"
said one young man. 'Yes-not brutal
ly, you know But I managed it."
How? 'Told her what my salary is.'
Washington Star.
George-Is it true that your cousin is
in love with Jack Fitzbooby? Fred
You can judge for yourself. She eats
her dinner before she opens his letters.
-Roxbury Gazette.
ANY diversions at your boarding
house, Widdleton?' eyes, every morn
ing. at breakfast we all quarrel about
whether the weather is colder or warm
ec."-Chicago Record
"Bufferton married highly intel
lectual woman 'She doesn't ever
have much to say" ''No, but she sees
that the carving-knife is always kept.
sharp. Chicago Record.
st is, indeed hard" said the melan-
choly gentleman, "to lose ones rela-
tives." "Hard"' snorted the gentle
man Of wealth-'harG 1t is impossi-
BILE. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Excited Traveler-Get me to the sta
ton in three minutes, and III give you
five dollars! Driver--Can't do it, sir;
We might bride me, but ye can't corrupt
me horse-Detroit Free Press
Prohibitionist-If you didn't drink,
you might be worth five thousand dol
lars Arid Atkins-I know, boss, but
wot good would five thousand dollars
do me if l didn't drink Puck.
Magistrate you mean to say such
q physical wreck as he is gave you that
black eye? Complaining Wife-Sure,
your honor, he wasn't a physical wreck
till after he give me the black eye.
Walker Rownde-Say Ploddy, what
would youse do if youse had Wander
bilks income? Plodder Pyke-Dat's
dead easy; but what would Vanderbilt
do if he had mine?-Baltimore News.
Perkins Ito tramp)-Get out of this,
now; we don't permit anybody to lie
around here. Tramp-Excuse me, sir
Didn't know it was you or | wouldn't
thought of competing. -Boston Courier.
How oft do Congressman awake
To find their hopes have fed
This is the speech he thought he'd made:
+? (? ! - ? J
And this is what he said:
81 second the motion"
Washington Star.
Papa-I understand that the young
man who is calling on Mabel is little
wild. Jack--Not at all! Every time
I've been out with him, when it got to
be 3 or o'clock, he wanted to go home.
Puck.
Dick Hicks (watching the orchestra)-
Those musicians don't care anything
about the director. Mrs. Hicks-How
do you know? Dick Hicks-The more
he shakes that stick at 'em the harder
they fiddle.-Puck.
Dablin-The members tell me that
FadaWay is one of the best members Of
the Rockrib Athletic Club. Wablin-
Why, he's no athlete! Dablin-That's
true; but then he pays his dues regu-
larly.-Roxbury Gazette.
speaking Of the financial policy Of
the incoming administration" began
McSWilligen, when Squildig interrupt
ed him: lawfully sorry, old man, but
haven't dollar about me now. shall
be broke until payday.
Chronicle.
Il wonder what that man IS So :insry
at himself about? said the Jnosqtito;.
during the half-hour [ have been fly
ing around his head, he has done moth
ing but hit himself in the jaw every
half minute or indianapolis Jour
nal
$50 you were at the opera last
night?' eyes" "How were the
voices?' Excellent. The way those
boys rendered Opera books-books Of