The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-07-11
III CELIBATE CLUB.

Women, remarked Jack For.
est, ARE the bane Of bachelor civil.
lization."
Women are woe personified, (" re.
marked Arcturus Organ, known
as the star bachelor of the combina.
ton.
IF ! had choice of all things on
earth, said John Temple. II would
choose woman last"
What in thunder are they here
for?'' inquired Will King.
On one she smiles, and he is
blest," scornfully quoted Frank
Park, and added, land then she
smiles on all the rest"
Fellow sufferers, " said l, Thorn.
as bennington, by superiority of
age and experience chief of the
celibate c~oterie, heartily coinciding
with the individual and aggregate
opinions just expressed, permit me
to offer the following resolutions:
Whereas, Woman by her oontin-
ued actions shows that she is in ia.
vor Of the utter determination of
bachelors; and
Whereas, Woman on all occasions
and at all times expresses her alb
horrence of bachelors as such; and
Whereas, Woman has no use for
a man unless she can lead him
arOund nv the nOSa. and
Whereas, Woman is constantly
on the lookout for that kind of a
man with that kind of a nose; and
Whereas, Woman believes that
man was provided with a nose SIM
ply as a handle for her to take hold
Of; and
Whereas, Woman thinks she
owns the earth and the men there
of; and
Whereas, She never was more
mistaken in her life; therefore, be
it
Resolved, That we whose sigma.
lures are hereto appended do here.
by assert our manhood and hurl de-
fance i'll her teeth; and
Resolved, That we entirely ig-
more the existence of all woman
kind; and
Resolved, That we do solemnly
pledge ourselves to throw off the
female yoke, to trample beneath our
feet tho letters woman would forge
upon us, to assert and maintain that
we T. n and indivisible and that
~henceforth and forever we will nei-
Their marry any woman nor be mar
ried by her"
AS might have been expected,
these resolutions were received with
v%ociferous applause, and the meet
ing of the Celibate club became so
hilarious that three babies on the
floor below and seven on the floor
above were aroused from their angel
slumbers and soon had awakened
everybody else in the building, aft
er which We adjourned, having been
implored to do SO by a committee of
II married men, who assured us
that when we had children Of OIL
own we could better understand
their feelings in the matter.
At this point, possibly, l might
explain that the gentlemen whose
names have been mentioned were
unmarried men, whose years were
numbered from 35 to so, who had
been compelled by the emergencies
by which they had been surrounded
to take this means of defense. They
were all good men and true and
when their word had been given
there was no power on earth could
break it.
We had formally resolved to be
perpetual bachelors, and that set
tied the business.
For three months this blissful con-
dition continued, and then I was
thrown from a horse and sustained
injuries to the extent of a broken
leg and numberless bruises. l had
ordered myself to be taken to the
hospital, where all good bachelors
60 when they are i'll, but a cousin
of mine, a fine fellow, except that
he was married, issued orders to the
contrary and took me home with
him There l was fixed up in royal
style, and his wife took charge Of
me with such motherly solicitude
that l ceased to growl about not 60
inc RI the hOsnita1
Within a week l began to improve
and about that time my cousins
wife S sister came to the house on a
visit, and, not having much else to
do, she used to amase herself with
me, Iobjected at first and vowed I'd
rout myself out and go to the hos
pital, but those two women knew
they had me where I was defense
less, and they only laughed at me
when I growled and fed me on dain-
ties when l was taciturn and silent.
l didn't want to eat their truck, but
my appetite was something astonish-
ing, and it forced me to overcome
any prejudice I might have formed.
Later my cousins wife's sister
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