Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-03-23
JUST FOR FUN.

She-The sle1ghing isn't much, is 1t?
He-Isn't much. It's worth dollar
and half an hour.
Didn't the doctor tell Drinkum to
take only thimbleful of whiskey?
Yes, but Drinkum had thimble made
| to order.
! Mother-Jessie, did I hear Arthur
proposing to you last night? jessie
don't think you did, mother. Arthur
talks awfully low.
Mrs. S.-What is the name of your
cat? Mrs. W.-Claude. Mrs. S.-Why
do you call it Claude? Mrs. W.-Be-
cause it scratched me.
so Johnny, look at those trousers!"
| said little boys mother. ''Yeth'm:
I tibet down on the grath, an thum of
the paint toned off,"
''I think it will rain to morrow"
remarked Aunt Ellen. eyes," said
Bertha. 'sPapa said we were going to
have an economical storm"
He-Oh, yes, when [ was in London
1 was enthusiastically received in
court circles. She (simplyl What
was the charge against you?
Chow do you pronounce the last
syllable of that word, butterine?"
asked the customer. The last syllable
is silent, replied the grocer's clerk.
elbow vain you are, Effie! Looking
at yourself in the glass;" "Vain, Aunt
Emma? Me vain? Why, don't think
myself half as good-looking as I real
ly am"
Bobby-Popper, what do they have
to have a man to pray for congress
for? Mr.. Ferry-They don't. He takes
look at congress and then prays
for the country.
Notoriety is no proof of merit. A
thousand dollars worth of roses will
only perfume few yards, while dol
lars worth of cooked onions will
scent up a whole town.
Cannibalism: 'Where are the chill
dren, Susan?" asked a visitor of the
nurse. ''The ladies up at the parson-
age has got them all for dinner, to-
day, ma'am," was the reply.
A tiny morsel of humanity was IN
tently watching the building of wall.
Presently she came running in, bub
bling over with excitement: "Oh, dad
dy, do tum and see re men, buttering
re bricks"
Mrs. Pilgrim Now, these boys air
sisters. The Census Taker-No, you
mean they are brothers. No, sir; [
mean jes' what I say. They air my
sisters She lives mex door in the
red house.
Uncle JOSH amt sure whether ed
dication done me any good Or not.
Mebbe I'd a done better, if I didn't
know how to read or write. Aunt Sa
mantha-How SO? Uncle Josh-Well,
I wouldn't read anys' Hints to Farm
ers.'
The man cat restaurant What sort
of chicken do you call this, waiter?
The waiter-That, sir, [ believe, is a
Plymouth Rock. The man-Ah, Pm
glad it's got some historic interest.
thoughht it was just an ordinary cob
blestone.
A little boy came home from Sun
day school one day, saying, Spa, I
can beat my whole class singing"
''Is that so? What makes you think
it?'' ''Why, when we were singing to-
day,I got through before all the rest"
Buzby- Didn't Virgins forget his
lines at the amateur theatricals last
evening? Baxter-No: he only got
them mixed up a little. Instead of
saying, ~ hear the tramp or APP
preaching footsteps" he said, 81 hear
the footsteps of approaching tramps."
'ENo, he replied, II fail to under
stand what is the practical utility OF
these cathode rays they are talking
about. "Why," retorted the snake
reporter, who was very envious per-
son, "people will now be able posi-
bly,to see through newspaper jokes. /"
Aunt Mandy Cat concert) = Now,
what's the next thing to be done?
Uncle Josiah They're goin' to sing
For Thousand Years" Aunt Man
dy-For the lands sake, Josiah! You
had better sell the tickets or tele-
graph the children what's keepin' US!
It is a wise boy who knows just what
to do in an emergency. First Boy
dropping in for calD = What are
you doing with your hat and coat aud
big boots on in the house? Second
Boy Mamma is putting things to
rights, and I want to keep these things
where I can find 'em.