Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-01-30

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II that word Boer YOU would pronounce.
And find your tongue is balky,
Just speak 1t as they probably
Pronounce 1t in Milwaukee. ~
Chicago Tribune
Teacher-What was Joan OF Are maid
Of? Pup!l--Made of dust. Boston Tran
script.
He-If / could but be Installed in
your heart as She-My heart Is no
installment house, Cincinnati En-
quirer.
Mrs. Watts-I am afraid you don't
love work. Dismal Dawson-Deed i do,
mum, but am so bashful.--Indianap
oils Journal.
Teacher-So, George, you were named
after George Washington, were you?
Young Georgc-Ycs IN; some time after.
-Roxbury Gazette.
Mrs. Wigwag-I hope you liked the
cigars l gave you, dear. And. by the
way, / had them Changed. Wigwag-
What NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Record.
"How do you pronounce the last syl-
liable OF that word 'butteriney asked
the customer. THE last syllable Is ST.
lent" stiffly replied the grocer's clerk
Chicago Tribune.
Young doctor-Do you have much diff
ficulty in making your patients do what
you want them to do? Old doctor-Yes;
particularly when I send in ray bills
Philadelphia Press.
Friend-It must be awful to have the
newspapers keep saying such things
about you. Political candidate-Yes,
but supposing they didn't say anything
ut all.-Someryiile journal '.,ss--....---
Professor-The ancients used palms
as an emblem of capture and victory.
Smart STUDENT suppose that's why
the moderns use them SO extensively
at weddings.-NewY York Herald.
Been married seven times. has he?
Is he man OF leisure otherwise?" "Oh,
no! He's hard working tailor" what
remarkable instance of the survival
Of the fittist. Chicago Tribune.
Alas, tits eighteen ninety-six
And bashful man must falter;
For woman now with clever tricks
Will speed him to the altar.
Chicago Record.
"Shoes were blacked as early as the
tenth century" says an exchange. And
it might have added that many of them
look as though they had never beer
BACKED since.-Boston Transcript.
Horse Gyp-Are you satisfied that tn,
team 1 sold you is well matched? Vic.
tim-Yes, they're well matched. One Is
willing to work. and the other is salts
fed to let him.-Philadelphia Record.
"Does the old fellow have money"
II rather think So" Makes a show,
does he" "Oh, no-but his daughter
who is 80 years old, and awfslly ugly,
was married last week. "-Gothamite.
1--WE have no use for bear Stories"
said the editor. "Our readers demand
something spicy" Well" said the
man with the manuscript. "this story
is about cinnamon bear."-Sports
Afield.
Softleigh-The widow Passe proposed
to me last night. Sappehead REALLY!
What did you say? Softleigh-Told her
I'd be son to her. You see. her daugh.
ter got there irst-Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Hoax-The building committee has
Just met. and we're going to have a new
story at our club. Joax-Good! I've
worked the old club stories so much my
wife don't believe them any more
Philadelphia Record.
Isn't that Miss Smedley? 1 thought
she was sick. Somebody told me Dr.
Pankey had given her up "Well. he
did sort O. give her up, but not till af.er
he had tried five or six times to get
her. Chicago Tribune.
.These women chefs" sighed the SUI
perannuated caterer. pushing the plate
away from him, ought to stick to pol
itics and business and let mans work
alone. They can't cook worth dern."
Chicago Tribune.
.Oh, dear" sighed Mrs. Cumso as she
tossed about in bed, I'm suffering
dreadfully from insomnia" Go to
sleep and you'll be all right" growled
Mr.. Cumso as he rolled over and began
to snore again.--Judge.
Those high resolutions. so fierce and so
fiery,
Now flicker and pale to the hue of q
ghost;
Already the keeping Of that '96 diary
Is becoming a burden, bore and q
roast.
indianapolis Journal.
Yeast-I wish this restaurant fellow
would print his bill OF fare in English,
30 a fellow could telk what he is eat
Ing. Crimsonbeak-Good gracioust
Do you want the fellow to lose all his
trade?-Yonkers Statesman.
Bostonian-It is Il fortunate thing for
the English language that these sdls-
tressing accidents,on the trolley roads
occur in Brooklyn and Philadelphia.
where the reporters have ample time
to write, instead Of in your city. New
Yorker-Why? observation-disclosures
your reporters would refer to the vic.
tins as having been trolleycuted.-Har.
per's Bazaar.