The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1896-05-06
THE LtMEK1LN CLUB.
THE HON. WHYF6HE JhGks5H DIS
Cusses The nHUMkH Mkn."

CUSSES THE THURMAN Hth!'
After Putting the jn,sti8H ~ WH@t ~
Mani Ho Proceeds ~ Hspty IN n Mtst Ef6s
quent Manner Ofat0sy, H8wsyet,
Apparently DIdnt Help the GoiisetiSa.
! It was known to most nIriiibsrs NJ tho
Limekiln club that tho Hon. Whyfms
Jackson Of Louisiana was In tDwD. tho
guest of Brother Gardner, and no nps
was, therefore, greatly surprised to henr
the president announce at the opening
of the Saturday night meeting that the
distinguished visitor would consume the
evening in delivering his world renown-
ed lecture on the subject Of Human
Man."
AS soon as the meeting had been duly
opened Giveadam Jones and Waydown
Bebee escorted the orator into the hall.
He looked to be a short, fat, one story
man of faded raspberry color, but he
had the dignity Of a man who knows
that he has So in cash in his pocket and
his board paid in advance, and no visible
signs Of embarrassment were apparent
as he surveyed the audience before him
and began:
my frens, de subjick Of my orashun
tonight is 'Human Man. 1t is an ora
shun dat I erected myself, widout any
help. I didn't steal it from Shakes
peare, an didn't hire no white man to
write it. [Sensation. was ober ten
vars gittin dis orashun together. 1
went slow an sure. I didn't propose to
fall into any mistakes. knowed dere
was heap to talk about, an I wanted
to git it all in whar it belonged. I will
now purceed:
MAN! Who an what is man? What
was man created fur? Why was he Gre
ated in de form Of a man instead Of a
hyena? What use is he? What was he
bon fur? In seekin to answer desc ques-
huns. my frens, you insensibly find
yourselves delving into de regions OF
philosopy an follerin de unknown paths
Of speculashun. In de fust place, what
was de use Of all dis world widout man?
It would simply be so much land an wa
ter gwine to waste. [Cries Of "Hear
Hearr'] S'pose'n all desc yere rabbits an
possums an chickens war runnin around
widout anybody to make use of 'em-
what a shameful waste Of meat it would
bel [Groans. OATS one reason man
was put yere-to eat chickens an slch.
["Yum, yum! !'l
"What is MANI" continued the speak
or, as he shifted his weight to his left
leg. "He's a substance composed OF
skin, blood, bones, teeth, toe nails,
brains, la'r, an so on. BE was created
fust, an out Of de best goods in de mar
ket. OATS de reason he's heap purifier
dan dog or cat. [Sensation. If he
had happened to hev been created along
about fifth or sixth, he might hev bin a
grounding or a whale. Involuntary
shivers. ] Oar ar seberal different sorts
Of men, as moas' Of you probably know.
Dey wasn't all made Of de same color
nor in de same shape, kase dat would
hev bin monotonous. Itwould hev tried
de eye, same as lookin at a flock Of
white sheep. Dar am no sort Of quesh-
un in my mind dat black used to be de
moas' popular color in de beginnin Of
things ["Hearl Hearr'], but de white
man fo'ced his way in an got hisself
boosted up to de top by some sort OF
gum game. [Growls and mutterings.l
"Did you eber stop to think why man
didn't grow to be ten feet high an to
weigh a ton2 You probably neber did,
an yit de explanashuns ar right to
hand. If he was ten or 'leven feet high,
he couldn't walk around no back yard
widout sawin his neck on clothesline,
an if he.weighed a ton, an de roof of his
henhouse sprung leak, how'd he eber
git up dar to fix it? [Great sensation.
Man was bon to walk uprightly. Why
WASH t he hon to 60 on four legs like a
dog? Dis philosophical queshun proba-
bly neber occurred to your intelleck,
but de reason is plain. You couldn't hev
crowded ober ten Of him into street
kyar to once" [Cries of "A-h-hl'l
The speaker here paused to wipe his
heated brow and moisten his throat with
q potash tablet, and after brief rest
continued:
"While man is de highest order Of
creashun be has at de same time got de
moas' low down traits Of character
about him. While on my way from
Canada some man stole my umbrella
from under my very nose decided SEN
saticnl, an on two odder occashuns ef-
forts war made to despoil me Of my
satchel. Dat was de work Of man.
Would de lion, de tiger, de elephant or
de grizzly bar descend to sich petty
meanness? [Cries Of "No! neverl J
Wolves lib together in harmony, but
man is allus in fuss. De hyena knows
when he's got good thing, but man IS
allus wantin better. Take an old hose
or a mewl, an you kin depend upon
him ebery day in de week. Take de av-
erage man, an you needn't expect to
find him twice alike de same day. [Ap-
plause from Elder Toots, which was
broken short off by Giveadam Jones Civ
ing him kick. Of what use is man?
He thinks he's a heap of use, but he's
dun mistaken bout dat. De world was
heah befo' he cum. It would hev bin
right heah now if nobody had eber bin
bon. Man jist comes, sloshes around,
kicks up dust an departs, an de black
berry crop of de next var is jist as large
as if he had libed on. samuel Shin
sheds tears.
my frens," continued the orator as
he frightened his left suspender by an