davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30
Virgil K. Jones flakes His Hair Stand on End
With Visions of Wall Street:

ness and prosperity and token money shall
come down in showers, and then, too, Dante
shall be Wet to the skin with the grateful
shower"
Thanks said Dante in the laconic style
OF the South Dakota dialect
Then the guide and the tourist made a
cut across the fertile lands Of Hades and
caine to an open door in wall Of tasalt.
Within there were a mighty host of people
who were being eternally tossed to ard
fro on the prongs Of u pitchfork in the
hands OF "a fierce gentleman. who plunged
the fork from time to time into. the suf-
ferers.
And who are these inquired Farmer
Dante.
These are the Scribes and Pharisees of
the subsidized press. This is what we
mean by government ownership OF the
telegraph and the ink bottle. These are
the blind prophets of Beelzebub, W no bias
pheined Bryan Boroo and who are now
having vacation in the land Of the free
and unlimited West. AS you see, they
are all branded, and We're marked for the
slaughter in the year l OF the Pilgrimage
of Bryant oroo 10 Manhattan"
Just then there was an unearthly shrek
in the upper atmosphere and looking up
they saw Il host of spirits in pure white
from Chicago in pursuit OF phantom,
which was labelled from Georgia By and
by the Georgia phantom took On human
shape and behold it was Thomas Watson
His pursuers were people who sat form
eriy in the sanhedrim at Chicago.
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30
FARMER DANTE IN THE CAMPAIGN INFERNO

Virgil was tall, slim, dyspeptic young
man, with n Rialto face, who wrote pc
etry for the farmers, his principal truck
garden and field crop poetry being in four
books, called the Georges.
He wrote under contract Tor Maecenas, one
Of the biggest Silver Bugs OF old Rome
Maecenas himself had a big contract On
hand at that time. He was running on the
Populisnc ticket, and while he didn't own
any particular silver mines he owned mos.
of the people who owned the mines. A;iG so
history repeatsitself, for Of all the dism a pic
lures every written or printed OH sheepskil,. or
papyrus, with a stylus, Virgil, in the Ian
guage of Horace, took the cake when lie
painted the Roman farmers who ploweJ
with wooden plow, hauled along by very
tired Spanish OK
Maccenas was not elected.
The horrible picture of the bleeding,
bruised and berated farmer was such q <,
in later political days that, although Viz
gil had been dead for nearly 800 years,
Dante .anked his ghost out of his tomb Ut
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

In the up-to-date tragedy of the "Trip of
the Farmer Through Inferno"
Chairman Jones took this unsophisticated
man all through the regions in which there
are shadows and shades and bugaboos, and
hobgoblins enough 10 have given deadly
frost to the soul OF the huinp-backed Rich
ard. BY deft use of the X-ray, which is
the only light which can catch ghost In
his true colors, our own correspondent was
enabled TO iInnortalize a few OF the theories
which Chairman Jones, as guide, and the
poor farmer, as Dante, saw on very cold,
dreary night last week in the region men,
toned.
AT the entrance of the old Inferno there
was a sign, Keep off the Grass; all Hope
Abandon Ye wAo Eu,er Here
At the entrance of the modern campaign
last resting place it was different. When
Chairman Jones tripped across the TIRES
hold. he fell upon his knees and uttered the
famous pra yer OF Ajax, which was to the
effect that he didn't want all the money in
the world, but that a surficieDcy, under the
direction ofsDivine providence, would be a
windfall. ..s-.
- s.sa LEARNED 4 TRICK OR TWO.
The laboring pilgrim was thereupon much
astounded 10 find himself confronted by a
tombstone, whfchhe at first took to be the
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

he speaks he shall talk out like a Roman
oracle. That will be the affair of William
Janus b. and Virgil h. j.
Then Farmer Dante asked how the cam
paigD was to he run If the gentlemen in
the Hall OF Skeletons were so poor and
transpa rent that they were nigh unto death
with emasculation by reason OF the de-
mOnetiZatIon OF their moEey and means OF
susteDance.
Virgil waved his hand, and 10, there ap-
peared great plain, on which were nObil-
lied millions OF men and wonIen. The noise
of their assembly was a confused roar OF
human voices and of all the gamut OF the
animal kingdom. In the center of the plain
was a vast area. to which the people adj
vanced and threw therein their goods am
animals.
And away beyond the multi ude OF
men and women the plain was dotted with
all manner of beasts and birds running and
creeping and flying voluntarily TO get into
the jackpot.
What means all this2'' said Farmer
Dante, who was much amazed and soreIy
perplexed.
These be the patriots of the land. You
know the Bryan-Poroo is running this
campaign on the platform laid down in the
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

What are they doing with that rUddy
Ehost?" inquired Farmer Dante.
They are trying to gafIote or asphyx'
late him." replied Virgil. with some feeling
of bitter brand. like the juice of green
grapes or vitrol
Had he. too. a printing press" IN
Quired Dante. ---
Yes" said Virgil. bat he subsidized
1t the wrong way"
How did he offeDd?'.
by pursuing Bryan-Poroo. You see
Bryan Boroo fled To the ut;ermost ends of
the country, but this Georgia nightmare
has sought him out Bryan Boroo has
avoided the discovery of the boy orator OF
the savannah. and the boy wonder swears
that he is a living entity. and must be
recognized by the aristocraey of Nebraska.
Many days has Bryan Boroo hidden him
self in these drear aud chilly Governs,
but, as you See. he has entered. and, now
the fiends are at his heels. in hot pursuit.
He cannot he chokrd with dust or office,
and now Bryan Burpo must spcal.-,'
what will he say?''
"Nothipc. have arranged That when
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30
IN THE HALL OF SKELETONS

treating rock, which the early frost had
Illuminated with thousand sparkling
icicles.
Whence is he?" said Dante.
New York" said Virgil.
The sPecter looked at Jones and JONES
looked at the specter and Dante looked
at the specter and Virgil.
who is it?'' asked Dante, In a pale
emaciated voice.
THAT is the great Bryan Boroo,' said
Virgil. But list, he would speak,
And the specter, which was visibly and
audibly hoarse. reached out his hands and
addressing Virgil in the coolest and clam.
miest OF tones, said:
How is it panning out?''
Init, my lord" said Virgil, and the spec
ter vanished in the direction of Lincoln.
THE HALL OF SKELETONS.
When the oGorous sound made by the
departure OF the vision had died away
Virgil turned to Farmer Dante and asked
him If lie had any tears left over for his
country and incidentally for his impover-
ished countrymen.
Farmer Dante said that he had wept
copiously Oh some occasions. Virgil said
then come with me- and he straightway
led the pace to great door over which
was written THE Hall of Skeletons"
In this han there were about a dozen
figures strewn over the floor. They were
like unto the frames of men wasted with
consumption.
Who are these" inquired Farmer Dante.
These" replied Virgil. with a deep,
drawn sigh, '.are the poor silver miners
OF Colorado, California, New Mexico and
Nevada"
And what has brought them To this
pass?'
wall street. These men were once as
full Of life and vigor as the ordinary WELL
fed American citizen. But see what has
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30
who does prometheus belong to-"

who does Prometheus belong top
wall street" replied Virgil, until be
reached the bottom of the crime of 70.
Dante kept his hands in his pockets,
but on his way to the next picture he
said that it reminded him a great deal OF
Jonah and the whale story. He didn't
believe a word OF il, although he admitted
1t was fairly well told.
From this sea piece Virgil and Dante
proceeded 142 stadia and Is parasangs
TO a hole in the wall.
And again they came to steep escarp-
ment, where they halted, below which Viz
gil said were to be seen all the ills that af-
.licted the Populsts and AIiddle-of the
roaIsmen from the time the Police failed
to find the criminals of the crimes Of SOC,
1873, 1878 and 1892.
THE SUBSIDIZED PRESS.
Dante pecpcJ through the keyhole is it
were, of the wall of rock, which was prin-
cipaliy quartz and heinatite, and the first
thing he saw was the ghost OF the Sutsi
died Press. He had bad face, almost
unfit for publication in his own obituary
column. He was bad man. He was a
boon companion OF two other men. one Of
these was an Englishinan and the other was
fellow-countrynan OF Dante. This I'M
holy alliance, as Virgil called it, Were roll
ing and waliowing in Doodle of Unoounted
value. Our American citizen was SO full
of gold dollars that he looked Ike a Hum
pudding. Our English cousin had no APP
parent business but to hold his fat Jaws in
his hand and look al cher pc olle work.
III the foreground Virgil had rugged up all
impromptu stage, on which four men had
cone at the cue given rs the Subsidized
Press. One OF these -four ghosts was per-
spring drops as big rs the ceclne of silver
in 1888. twenty years after il was hit by
the criminals of 1873, He was hocing up
gold dollars OFF the tare rocks with q
ghostly hoe. Two of the ether players in
this piece wore an oX-coliar OF gold, and
the fourth ghost was busy at an anvil
making ID cross out of a bar Of gold bullion.
The Subsidized Press was sitting ala
Turque. and was laughing in ghoulish giee
over the man who WIS perspiring aud the
others who were working.
For whom are they WORKING
wall street, "quott the Raven evermore.
TWAS BR Y.AN-BoRoo.
1t was now long after midnight. Dante
was tired. He had learned tiIat all the falls
from paradise to perdition were through
the maD-holes in Wall street and he was
about half persuaded to drop n nickel in the
slot on the way out Of Vfreils Slough Of
pespond, but shadow was thrown ''ath-
wart the somber sky, as it is written in the
Subsidized Press.
The shadow was tall and slim and good to
look at. They had reached the scotch-Irish
ward. II was ma jestic sha de that appear
ed. 1t stood on the rear Platform Of Ie-
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

Acts of the Apostles. He has spoken to the
people about that great and good man
HemetriUs and of Apollos and Pol ydOre,
and now comes the campaign OF the
Community Of arm Products as the Raiser
of the Wind. Look"
And Farmer Dante gazed in more amaze
me MT as long train of cars went along at
Infinite speed through the atmosphere.
1t was bound for Chicago and was labellSS
on each door, For the National Campaign
Committee" 1t was loaded to the roof with
the beasts and birds and some fish which
Dante had seen gathering on the plain
and though lis the roar and rush of the train
was mighty, atoy c it all rose the stupendous
chorus of AL the cacklers and rootcrs and
believers Of the universe. They were all
for what Is called legitimate campaign
purposes.
Farmer Dante wanted to know II all
these. were to come back To his brethren.
To this virgil replied: Yea, verify, In
the proportion Of l6 to 1 on that day and
ccuerat,on when the paupcrs in the Hall OF
Skeletons shall he restored to free, indie
ucndent aud unlimited health and vigor."
How will that be-" inquired Dante.
..Thev shall be endowed with money -
burn"
How viii they get it,"
They viii sell more OF their world>
.ouls. and buy it OF the invalids in the
Han Of Skeletons"
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

eye, he saw standing in the niche OF a red
hot brass wall, a smiling greybeaH. whom
he knew to have been on earth man Of
much dust in his day and generation
Dante spoke up to Virgil j and asked why
the ghost in the wall didn t come out in the
open and put something in the slot, wbereat
Virgil got wroth and said that bye and bye
Dante would get two for one or maybe
sixteen to one, when-the greybeard phan-
tom would be running over time.
Then" said Dante. II the purest Tuscan.
back" Thereupon the CHEST OF the silver
mine walled deep wall of distress and re-
treated into the room from which they send
out the evening bulletins about the forma-
ton of silver clubs in Boston and Augusta,
Maine.
VISION OF THE CAMPAIGN.
The band was still pla wing "Rawhead and
Bloodybones'" when Virgil and Dante turned
the corner OF the next station. Dante dis
mounted and lea ned his bicycle up against
the wall and Virgil, putting aside the
lightning with a negisterial wave of tie
hand, showed Dante one OF the finest cam
paign pictures printed this season.
Behold! upon rock fast by the sea lay
a man who Wore a fur cap in the summer
time He was the dead image OF Prone
theus on the rock of Caucasus. His arms were
riveted to the cold stone by the bracelets
Of gold with which Bryan-Boroo had
cinched Columbia in Madison Square Gar
den.
what gives him that panied express
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

Naples and made him do time in his celc
brated work, called the Inferno
Dante had visions: he saw things in his
sleep: he was a somnambulist; lie ate cold
things late at night, and was even more
dyspeptc than Virgil. lie hauled Virgil
out OF the grave and elected him his guide
on personally conducted tour Of h"il,
which has been much read and much Hts
trated in India ink, SCOT, shoe blaca'ug
and other dismal colors.
JONES AND VIRGIL.
But we moderDs have lately had OIL
apocalypse. Recently Chairman Jones fled
from the outrageous bouievards OF Wash
ing;on TO the streets OF Chicago which is
fabled to be near the mouth of Avernns, or
hell, as they call it in campaign English.
Chairman Jones is the antithesis OF Viz
gill; but he kn owsa good thing. whether ii be
classic, medieval. or Populistic. lie had Il
dream at the Sherman House one evening
after he had read the news about six tick
cts In Idaho, and the insane desire OF Tom
Watson to be told that he had been nomi-
mated. He had probably been reading the
Inferno and lie played the ghost of Virgil.
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

Political Dungeons in Which
Horny-Handed Martyrs Toll
Forever in Ok Collars and
Chains Of Go-d-Fearful
Punishment of Tom Wat
SON Gagged by Ghosts
Bryan-BOrOo Speaks to the
Man CT Arkansas-Spook
Trains En- Route to Chi
cag0-Other F5rmerly Liv-
ing Pictures.
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

occurred in less than twenty-thrce years.
They are not able, as you see, to drop
even nickle in the slot. They are not
yet on the roll of honor. but they will be
when they shall have been raised from
the dead"
VICTIMS OF 'T3
When the sage had ceased speaking the
skeletons raised themselves on their ell
bows, and 10, their faces were as the faces
of Stewart, and Teller, and Hearst, and
Jones OF Nevada, and Mantle, and all the
other people who were struck down TO an
almost transparent Condition by the crime
Of T3
They are the patriots of Sc. Silver or
gold have they none now for campaign
purposes, but in the beautiful spring which
is coming apace they will open the doors
of the caverns i'll the West and it will rain
silver every day for many days. Happi-
The morning times. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, 1896-08-30

sion?' said Dante to Virgil. as the latter
took a made-to order Belasco position at
the horny handed feet of Labor.
WALL STREET DID IT.
THE shark gives him that panied ex-
PRESTON" replied Virgil in Ollendorf style
and in his most lugubrious and larmoyant
tones. IN. b 1t has been noted that when
Chairman Jones touches the Lost Chord
Of Finance his voice drops into the melody
OF unshed tears).
Whose shark is it?''
wall street.
why doesn't he pull his legs out OF the
boic?'
Can't
Why"
wall street.
Who does Wall street belong tor
The shark"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-11-12
CHURCH GATHERINGS.
Baptist Congress VIII Meet Next
Year at Chicago.

NEW YORK, Nov. 11.-A plan of
campaign has been completed by the
inter-denominational committee which
was recently appointed to further the
work for foreign missions This move
ment is the outgrowth Of the series Of
meeting for this purpose which were
held last year by the Presbyterian
church.
Nashville, Tenn, Nov. 11.-This after
noon the sessions of the Baptist con-
gress were resumed with a large at
tendance, ]. T. Henderson presiding.
The topic for consideration, 1.-THE Pro
blems of the Country Church" was
taken up. The congress decided to
meet next year in Chicago, accepting
the invitation Of the Chicago university
and the Baptist ministers of Chicago
Rochester N. Y, Nov. 1.-THE an
nual meeting of the Unitarian confer
ence of the middle states and Canada
closed tonight, after adopting a resolu-
ton favoring a conference of religious
and instructing the president to ap-
point a committee of five to cooperate
with such a movement.
Detroit, Mich, Nov. IA score Of
bishops and thirty lay committeeman
were present today at the opening ses-
sion Of the general missionary COM
church, whose meeting is being held
here. Bishop Andrew is presiding
George E. Wasey, of Detroit, delivered
a welcoming address and Bishop Bow
man, as the senior bishop, responded
Actual business began with the read
ing Of the treasurers s report which was
adopted. 1t showed receipts for the
year $1,221 ,25S, an increase Of SAG, ,706
over the preceding year.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-11-12
UNION PACIFIC WRECK.
Several Cars Overturned, but No One
Fatally Injured.

OGALLALLA, Neb., Nov. 11-Union
Pacific passenger, eastbound, No 8,
from Denver. struck a broken rail here
today. One tourist, two chair cars
and one Pullman turned over in the
ditch. Fifteen passengers were injured,
but none seriously. The locomotive,
the mail and baggage cars passed
over the broken rail in safety, prob
ably because the train was running at
a high rate of speed. The rest of the
train did not get on so we'll. One Pull
man sleeper, one second class tourist
sleeper and one passenger coach and
five chair cars were ditched, the two
sleepers and two chair cars turning
over on their sides. The trucks of the
tourist sleeper were badly smashed,
but this was about the only damage of
any amount sustained by any of the
equipment.
Physicians were summoned from
Ogallalla and responded at once They
found but little work, however, for
them to do, as nearly all Of the pas
sengers made lucky escapes. The en-,
gine with the mail and express cars
were started west as soon as possible,
in order that the western mail might
not be delayed. The train got away
from the scene Of the wreck at 3:2O
this morning, and will go into Ogden
on schedule time. The passengers re-
sumed their journey in a train that
was made up from the cars that could
be used, and that will be run as
SDecial
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-11-12
OPPOSED TO LICENSE.
ProhibitfGnists of South Dakota Will
Invoke the Law

ABERDEEN, S. D., Nov 11-Attor-
ney S. H. Crammer says he has been re-
tanned by the state w. G. T. U. to be-
gin an action to test the constitutions
ality of resubmission just as soon as
the vote upon the amendment is offici-
ally announced. He further says his
suit will be brought along the same
lines and on the same ground as the
one urged by him before the supreme
court last summer.
He was knocked out at that time, but
according to his theory, and it seems to
be correct, the merits of the contention
were not passed upon by the court Mr..
Crammer sought to have the secretary
of state enjoined from placing the pro-
hibition issue upon the official ballots
on the ground that the legislature did
not, in reSubmitting the prohibition
clause, follow the provisions of the con-
stitution as to the method it which it
shall be amended. The court seemed
to take the position that it had no
authority to interfere in the matter
until the full act of amending or refus-
ing to amend the constitution had been
completed at the polls, as the legis-
lature has power to submit any ques-
tion to the people and the people have
Crammer contends that the court can do
longer hold it has no Jurisdiction, and
if properly entered will have to pass
upon the merits of the issue involved.
He Is very sanguine that the temper
ance forces will win the day and that
license in this state will not be realized.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1896-11-12

vote Of that state. 1t is now practi-
cally conceded, he says, that the Re
publicanS have succeeded by a plu-
rality of at least 440. Ex-senator John
J. ingalls,, in a letter to Maj. Mckinley,
says:
Il am very much gratified to know
that my prediction at Minneapolis has
come to pass. My congratulations are
late, but they are cordial and sincere.
They are tempered by profound regret
and disappointment at the result in
Kansas, but we did the best we could" :"
]. j. DeHaven, of San Francisco,
writes: The contest was a hard one, on
account of the silver question and it
was your personal popularity, the man
ner in which you conducted your cam
paign and the dignified and patriotic
character of your speeches which con-
tributed largely to the Republican vic
tory in our state The people have
confidence in you.
Dinner was served late at the McKin-
ley home tonight. Scarcely had the
president-elect entered the library
than the mail carriers of Canton were
announced. They shook hands with
their distinguished tOWnsman. Their
few minutes visit had no sooner ended
than committee from the Knights
Templar of Canton, headed by General
Superintendent Kennedy, of the Cleve-
land, Canton & Southern railway,
called. Mr.. Kennedy said the Eastern
stockholders of his road were much
gratified at the enormous business
done, but he had come tonight to ask
the honor for the Canton Knights Tenn
plar of escorting their comrade to
Washington for the inauguration. 1t
was explained that such matters would
probably be referred to the national
committee and the committee in charge
Of the Inauguration at Washington.
Shortly after noon Maj. Mckinley
took a drive. He was accompanied by
Secretary Of State Taylor, Of Colum-
bus; Samuel ]. Roberts, chairman Of
the Kentucky state Republican com
mittee, and Walter Chance, Of Phil
adelphia- To reporter this afternoon
Chairman Roberts said: 1--WE have a
majority on joint ballot in the assembly
which will elect a straight out Repub-
lican senator. Had there been neces-
sity for coalition between the Republi-
cans and sound money Democrats,
there would have been strong move
ment for Secretary Carlisle. AS it is,
however, there are a number of prom
inent Republicans whose friends are
urging them to stand. These are Gov.
Bradley, DR.. w. G. Hunter, John w.
Yorkes, st. John Boyle and A. E. Will
son. Judge w. H. Holt, Judge Geo.
Denny and State Senator Deboe are
also mentioned as senatorial possibili-
ties.