Omaha daily bee., 1896-01-27
OF LEE

Verify these are perilous days for David.
ETCHINGs OF LIFE.
Chicago Tribune: II will thank you not to
use that quotation again. Miss Philler," coldly
observed the editor OF the New Woman,
pointing out a sentence In an editorial
article that had been submitted to her APP
prevail.
Miss Philler understood. She took tho
manuscript back to her own room and
changed mo man Is a hero to his valet
TO NO woman Is a heroine to her maid"
Washington Star: "Josiar," said Mrs.
Corntossel, as her husband came in from
feeding the pigs, what is the Monroe
doctrine?"
THE Monroe doctrine, Mandy" he replied
after a moments thought. "is a principle
which lays down thet jes' because we don't
put both feet in the trough ourselves Is
no sign tibet we're goin' to Encourage others
to do it,"
New Orleans Times: A wild-eyed man.
with his mouth out Of joint, was found Lean
ing against a lamp post on Fulton street.
Whats the matter with him ?" yelled tho
crowd as II ran up.
Give him air" replied the policeman; hes
a stranger. and he tried to say Tchoupitoulas
street."
Detroit Tribune: Back, I say" commanded
the heroine.
The villain paused with cleaning knife
aloft.
Back" she repeated. Oar not to kill
me. l have st!ll thirteen other dresses"
Under the memorable laws of the new
drama he was of necessity bafIied for the time
being.
DOCTRINE OF THE JOKERs.
Ghicago Record; They say the earth loses
II don't care; the lazy old thing isn't on
my pay roll"
Cincinnati Enquirer: your uncle died Of
a Gompi,cation Of diseases, did he not?"
] am not sure which"
Boston Herald: The man who says he
loves, his fellow man ard then neglects to
sprinkle ashes on his slippery sidewalk is
either very Inconsistent or very forgetful.
indianapolis Journal: He looked at his
watch watch >, which had stopped, reproachfully.
glad hands, ticking off the seconds, I
find you give me the dead face"
Life: Helm afraid I couldn't make you
happy: darling, on only $4,000 a year. She
Oh. IT'S plenty! With economy I can dress
can have all the rest for household ex-
Yonkers Statesman: .Yeast-Wha IS that
richly dressed lady, coming out of that fash
restaurant! an
artists model. And this seedy looking fell
low coming out of the free lunch saloon?"
Oh, he's the artist"
Washington Star: Let dogs delight to
bark and bite; to do so is their fate. They
can't be turned; they never learned, you
to arbitrate.
Boston Transcript: Street Urchin-Mister,
give me a match? Citizen-Sorry. bub. but
| haven't n match about me, Street Ur-
chin exhibiting the package he has held
him)-Then you want to buy a box.
Only l cent. Thank you sir.
Puck: Hushand-Do you think 1t saves you
to have a running account at that
Try goods store?
Wife, know It does. You can't imagine
he amount of time 1t saves me. Why, I
'ever nave to stCD to ask the price of any
hing I wish to purchase!
Somerville Journal: He-Well, darling. I
nate to 90. but it is time for me to begin
o say farewell.
She-Why Algernon, it Is only 10 o'clock.
He-Yes. l know, but / have TO be at the
tore at Z in the morning. you know, and I
must be away from here sure by half past
2.
New York Herald.
When asked why she rejected me,
Her reasons We're most frank;
She weighed me in the balance-and
n ono N 4 tbn 1nTlF