The Monitor-register., 1896-10-02
A LITTLE FUN.

a UN.
The Chinese have a fondue,s for eggs
some two or thrte hundred years old. In
Baltimore boarding houses the
taste is displaJe ell, but the eggs are
disguised as spring chickens.-Baltimore
Life.
Policeman-''You had letter come
quietly and not make trouble"
Pickpocket-"G'yarn. Not give you
be trouble! Where'd your job if it warn't
for the likes o. usP"-Judy.
~
Nannette-"How can you tell a person
is insane from one who is merely
eccentric?"
Cyrille-"Consult Bradstreet. Insanity
ends ard eccentricity begins at one
million. Up tO-Date.
~
Lost soul (awakening)-"Oh! Where
am II"
Satan-"Break it to him gradually; he
a good friend of mine. Tell him he
is in Chicago."-New York Press
~
One of our builders was asked the other
day if that empty houss of his just erected
on Winooski avenue was his last.
"Yes," he said, "my last, but not
leased. "-Burlington Sun.
x**
"What," asked the commander,
.anxiously, sis that brisk firing off to the
leftP"
"We are not yet definitely informed"
replied the aide de camp, "whether it is 3
general engageme At or a policeman shoot.
ing at a mad dog"
With the fate of nations in the balance
the uncertainty was swful.-Detrott Iri
6une.
Mr.. Youngman CATER long thought) -
sis there any way to find out what a
woman thinks of you without proposing?'
MIR. Benedict (absently)-"Yes; make
her mad."-New York Weekly.
~
Newly Married Observation-Disclosures.
how long does the honeymoon lastP"
Practical Parent-"Until you ask your
husband for money, my dear."-London
ID BITS.
n
"Your friend Miss Scriblet is a writel
of verse, you say. Is she a poetess o.
passion?'
swell, you would think 80 if you heard
her talking to her maid. "-Detroit Free
Press.
Freddy-"What is a pull papa?"
Papa-"A pull my son, is a cast-iror
grip on the publio's purse. ~ Commercial
Advertiser.
"Mr. M%eekton," she said, severely, So
want you to explain a remark that YOU
made just as you left the house lasl
night"
81 really don't remember saying
anything"
II asked you why you We're opposed tc
woman's suffrage, and you replied,
Because we're bossed too much as it is. ,
- Washington Star.
x*x
swell, Tommie, I hear you've got q
new baby in your house."
Eyes"
II suppose it's a red little chap, ISM
it ?"
"No; it's a little yeller."- Cleveland
Leader.
Spinks-B race up, man; you'll never
get a girl If you fear to pop the question.
Binks-1'm not too frightened to POP
the question, but / hate to question the
pop.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
~.
The type of woman who bothers shop
clerks and buys little or nothing is known
as a Counter irritant. "-Baltimore Life.
So
Jack Rapid (behind the scenes)-
why, what a rare coin. Stamped with
the old Roman efigy, too"
Rival Chorus Girl-"Shs got it from
julius Caesar for a birthday gift. "-Iszas
"Why under the sun does Whimperly
want a divorees His wife had a great
deal of money when he married her."
sand she has it yet. That's the whole
trouble. "-Detrot Free Press.
x*x
Satan-"What did you say his name
Imp-"He says he's a newsp aper writer
named 'Veritas.'"
Satan-"Good. Push him In the hot
room with Vox Populi, Pro Bono Pub
lico. Ventor, Justitia and the other incur.
ables ."-NeD York Commercial Adoestiser.
**x
Husband-sI see that a New York
Judge has decided that the wife, and not
The husband, should control the ser
Wife-"Did he explain how she is to
DO it ?"-PucE.
rs
81 hear the fascinati on of the vince
such that she lost herself complete
~"
Swell, not completely. She lost about
100 pounds out of a possible 35O.
Tribune.
~**
First Tram p-"Some folks is oorn
lucky. Remember Bill Soaks9"
Second Tramp-"Yep."
First Tramp-"He got into S"eipers
brewery the other night an was drowned
N a beer vat."-Mew York Weekly.
III
Woodman-"They cell me that You
never get genuine %victuals on the stage
hat 1t is always imitation food which 10
Storms. the Actor-"Well, not always.
We often get real eggs onkers States
nan.
Dobbius' Floating Borax Soap contains