davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
Thousands have been cured from bald
ness and other diseases of the scalp by
Danderine. 1t will cure you. Guaranteed.
For sale at Fischer's q Cos. Pharmacy.
santa Fe noute-California Limited.


santa Fe Route California Limited.
Leave Chicago $40 p. N. Wednesdays
and Saturdays, Kansas City $3.50 a. m.
and Denver, $40 p. m. Thursdays and
Sundays, reaching Los Angeles in "a
hours and San Diego in rs hours from
Chicago. Connecting train from San
Francisco via Mohave. Returns Mon
days and Thursdays.
Equipment Of superb vestibuled Pull
man palace sleepers, buffet smoking car
aud dining car. Most luxurious service
via any line.
Another express train carrying palace
and touriet sleepers leaves Chicago and
Kansas City daily for California.
Inquire Of local agent or
G. T. NICHOLSON, g. P. A.,
A., T. 4 y. F. R'Y,
Chicago.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
The Eternal Feminine.

"Your majesty" said the savage war
rior, "the amazons refuse to march III
front of the regular troops"
Clearly nothing else was to be expected,
since the new uniforms Of the amazons
fitted atrociously in the back.-New York
Press
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
One Of the Perpetual.

"What in thunder are you speakin to the
schoolchildren for?" asked the voter.
"Just keep quiet" replied the candi-
date They'll all be old enough to vote be-
fore I'm elected '-Atlanta Constitution.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

Woman charmer used to be,
And men we're oft smitten by such as she
But the muscular woman-I ask you, sir
Who'd care to be smitten by the like oil
her?
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
Ar. You Going to California;

Are You GOing 20 CaIiiornIas
The Santa Fe Route has just placed on
sale tickets to southern California and
return at rate of $3.50, to San Fran.
CISCO and return $3.50, tickets good to
return at any time within six months
from date of Issue, stop-over privileges
allowed at any point en- route. Pullman
palace and tourist sleepers running
through without change. For particulars
call on or address any agent Of the Santa
Fe Route. b. 8. LUTTE, Agent,
Gro. 4. N1cHoLsoN, Santa Fe, N. M.
G. p. A., Chicago, I'll.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
Ties of Blood.

Aren't those other Jacksons distant rel
atives of yourss"
II think SO. They don't speak to us. !"
Chicago Record.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

Lanks-What kind of chicken is this,
Mrs. Hungerford Landlady-A Plymouth
Rock l was told at the market. Lanks-
HIM! What is the difference, If any,
between this and the common flint variety
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

Good advice: Never leave home on a
journey without bottle Of Cham berlain's
Colo, Cholera aud Diarrhoea Remedy.
For sale by all druggists.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
Hard at 1t,

One lady said to another: Have You
been to church today? We had most beau
tiful sermon on training children. - No;
was at home doing it, was the reply
uit-RitS
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

What flatterer you are to tell her she
speaks French without the least accent"
"Why, of course, dear-without the least
French accent Truth.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
What His Wife Heard.

Smythe (half asleep as the alarm clock
goes off at a. IN. Say, Billy, if that's
my wife at the phone, tell her I'm out
and won't be back for two hours Truth.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

While we were in the country We went
to the theater. The play was The Robbers,
and it was SO naturally given that when
We came out my wife missed her bracelet!
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

Jenkins-Had you any luck on Your
Western trip9
Jackson Great luck! The baby cut
four teeth while was away.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

She-What hold our entertainment in
that hall? Why, the acoustics are wretch
ed!
He Yes. They'll come in handy to
blame for the result.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
A BACHELORS THOUGHTS.
Reflections More or Less Sage by a MAJ
Still Free.

Reflections More or Less Sage by Man
Still Free.
Love never dies, but sometimes it mar
ries.
Anyhow, man doesn't have to marry
to prove that he had chance.
Nearly every bridegroom thinks his bride
is too good for him. If he doesn't, sine is.
The term "old maid'' must bea mis-
homer. Who ever heard of an unmarried
woman being over 20?
Every married man expects some things
he doesn't get and gets some things he
doesn't expect.
1t is mistake to speak of marriage as a
"lottery." In lottery man has chance
to win something.
Few women exercise the same care in
choosing a husband that they do in select
ing wedding dress
A woman always has lot of arguments
to prove that man should be married.
but they are far less interesting than the
arguments she brings to bear on young
woman.
Women like womanly man, but they
hate feminine one.
The average man will rob his wife to pay
for another mans drink.
There never lived homely woman who
didn't believe she had beautiful soul
Some men prefer home to the club be-
cause there is some one there they can talk
back to.
A woman can never understand how o
man can be both nice and wicked at the
same time.
If it weren't for pug dogs, girls would
get kissed more
Babies are always cutting teeth, or else
it's collie or something
People who know most about love are
the ones who have never had it.
Don't think woman has to have a nice
foot because she wears u pretty shoe.
The hardest headed old woman Halter
has sneaking liking to have woman
fuss over him.
It's pity woman can't ever be salts
fed with marrying herself withoutdoing
everything she can to get some other poor
girl in trouble.
1t takes will power to love q fat girl
A woman never trusts a man she doesn' t
like,
Most bachelors would get married if
they couldn't afford it,
When girl insists that she can put on
her own rubbers, she hasn't got little
foot.
The main reason why women don't like
flats is because there's no garnet to save up
old trash in.
1t will always be question whether q
woman gets more enjoyment out of having
her husband go to church with her Oh
Sunday or out Of having his staying at
home to throw up to him all the rest of
the week. New York Press
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

Isaacs-Haf you anoder shegar, Levy?
Levy-No; this ish my lasht.
Isaacs-Vell, thatsh all right; then I'll
schmoke vun of my own.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

He--Don't you think people are very
silly in the honeymoon. She-O, this is
sudden; but / can tell better after our
honeymoon.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

I see they are applying ball bearings to
great many things now. Yes; they have
a ball bearing sign down where l keep
my watch.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

BALD HEADS, see Danderine, the
most wonderful discovery of modern
times. For sale at Fischer & Co.'s. Phar-
macy.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
His Opportunity.

lis she richp"
Eyes, but she doesn't know anything y
"Why don't you propose" Truth.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
A Base Calumny.

The candidates wife glared furiously at
a life size picture of her feet.
"This paper says l wear 5A," she
cried, "and my shoe dealer has sworn that
my size is only 2AA.
With quick movement she tore the pa
per to shreds.
"Another campaign lie nailedp' she
Missed triumphantly.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
The End Of the Filtration.

He (sadly)-And must forget every
thing?
She-Yes, even our number in town.
Truth.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

She Why, you foolish boy, il I married
you, you wouldn't be able even to dress
me. He-Well-er-couldn't learn?
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11

So that is what they call problem
plays
Yes.
suppose the problem is how long the
public will stand that sort of thing.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
NBEAMs.

First Society Glrl-There's a lovely
murderer over in the Jail.
Second Society Girl-Isn't he perfectly
killing.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
AS regular
as clocks

the trains of the Burlington
Route maintain daily service
between
Denver and Omaha.
Denver and Chicago
Denver and ST. Joseph.
Denver and Kansas City
inlH.,t Denver and St Louis.
|lIlIIIllll4Illlu Two trains daily The fay-
orite is the ~ t b u | 9 d
,iilII1. Flyer, which leaves Denver
at 9:50 p. m. daily. For speed,
comfort perfect equipment
it has no superior anywhere.
The local ticket agent will
furnish tickets via the Bur-
lington Route If you ask for
them. Ask for them.
g. W. vALLERY, General Agent, Denver.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
Were Not These Enough?

Brother Henderson said he could go on
with these statistics until night faded into
daylight, but were not these enough? Did
the club want anything further to satisfy
the most capricious member that it had
taken wrongful position and could not
get out of it too soon? He was willing to
see preachers swing the club, put up the
bells, jump the bar or ride bucking
mule, and he didn't know that it would
do any harm for preachers to put on the
gloves and scrap little, but as for riding
a bike-nit!
Professor Hindfoot who had been one
of the preachers champions at the other
meeting, now asked that the question
might be decided in the negative. He was
even then giving preacher lessons in the
art, and the idea that the man might sud-
denly hop off the saddle and kick IL dog or
throw stones ut church almost paralyzed
him.
Several others spoke to the same effect,
and, the question being put to a vote, 1t
was unanimously resolved that no MEM
Der of the cloth should tackle the bike I'M
til it had been ascertained what was wrong
with it. M. QUAD.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-11-11
'.Doing Tirne."

Fancy Sporting Sketch Old Style.
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
THE HISTORY OF KISSING.
A Form Of salutation Limited to a
Few Races.

Form of Salatation Limited to a
Few Races.
""ris certain" said Dick Steele of
kissing, mature was its author, and
that it began with the first courtship."
But this is Incorrect. 'TiS certain that
to many human tribes kissing is un-
known. Instead of saying "kiss me. -
they say ''smell me- and this. doubt
less. represents an earlier form OF sal
utation. The kiss is much later than
the dance. 1t is still unknown among
many races. and may be called con-
ventional. Some nations smell and
rub noses, like horses, in salutation;
and, where two Frcncllmen will run
and kiss each other. two Central .Afri-
cans will deliberately spit by way Of
friendly greeting.
DR.. Taylor says: ",rhe idea of the
kiss being an instructive gesture is
negatived by its being unknown over
half the world where the prevailing
salute is that by smelling or shifting,
which belongs to Polyncsians, Malays,
Burmese and other indo-C Chinese, Mon
gols. etc. extending thence to tile Es-
quimauX. and westward to Laplant,
where Linnaeus saw relatives saluting
by putting their noses together
The kiss is the salute by tasting,
and it has to be taught to children.
Preyer, in his excellent book. 1.-The
Mind Of the Child" states that ut first
they are averse to, and ever fearful of,
the performance. However this may
be, 1t is certain that Eurcneans speed
lily take to it as though to the manor
born. Osculations were far more COM
mon in the good old times than at
present. The custom which most de-
lighted Erasmus. when in England,
was that the girls all kissed him.
When ceasing to be performed, some
of these ceremonies leave their trace
in language. Thus both Austrians and
Spaniards say, Il kiss your hands," as
polite term for returning thanks.
John Bunyan was a very different man
from Erasmus. and in his "Gace
Astounding" lie says: The common,
salutation of women abhor; it is
odious to me in whatsoever l see it,"
And to those who defended it as the
holy kiss he pertinently asked: ''Why
they did salute the most handsome,
and let the ill-favored go!'-London
Exchange.
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11

Various styles of Drain Outlets.
stone or brick laid in cement. This
protection prevents the washing away
Of earth from about the outlet or dis
placement Of tile or earth by freezing.
Where stone is abundant this style of
an outlet is as practical rs any and
more substantial than many others.
Outlet C consists of a wooden box
made of two-inch hard wood, open at
one end, which is slipped over the end
of the drain. At the outer end door,
hinged at the top. is so arranged that
the water will readily flow out, but
nothing can so up the tile. \ similar
box outlet, Il. is square at the outer
end, over which iron rods are secured
or Il piece of strong wire netting is
fastened. Outlet Il is simply tile
with holes in the top and bottom
through which iron rods are passed.
Trap door outlet \ is tile to the Open
ing of which Il circular piece of gal
vanized sheet iron is so attached that
the water can pass out, but the ell
trance of any foreign matter is pre-
vented. Outlet B is similar, with
square tile for the end. These last are
seldom made in the West, but are
more generally in use in the East.
When obtainable, they are more easily
fitted with piece OF sheet iron. Often
q small sewer, tile is used to finish the
lower end of drain. The object in all
these cases is to prevent an obstruc-
ton to the flow of water and to pro-
tect the drain.
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
B,.m.rek,. Musical rerro rmance

Prince Bismarck. one of the great
ost of men, grinding hand-organ.
This sounds little absurd, and yet
he did grind an organ, and in the
royal palace at Berlin.
1t seems one day considerable noise
issued from all apartment used by the
young princes. Bismarck, who was
passing by, put his head within the
door and found the young princes
mad shouting to the tunes Of
q arrelorgan played by the Crown
Prince. The moment they saw him
they invited him to have some fun
too. Bismarck declined, but agreed
to play the organ IL the Crown Prince
would dance with the rest. The
Crown Prince readily gave up tho
organ and Joined the dancers.
Right mcrrily went the fun. and
right lively Bismarck ground away,
when into the midst of the shouting,
laughing, dancing group stalked the
Kaiser. A smile crept over his face
when he saw the great statesman,
Bismarck, Il man Of iron, grinding
away on barrel-organ, and after
greeting his sons, he turned to him
In mock displeasure, and remarked:
''You are beginning in good time
to make the heir apparent dance to
your music. 1t seems that this is
about the fourth generation that has
done sO.'
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
PIANOS OF PAPER.
They Are Exquisite In Tone and
ElabOrately Decorated

They Are Exquisite In Tone and
ElabOrately Decorated.
"All manner of articles in place of
wood have been used in the manufact-
ure Of pianos" said the manager Of
one of the greatest of English piano.
makers.
Perhaps the most successful of all
these is paper, of which many pianos
Of exquisite tone and appearance lmve
been made. The duke of Devonshire
has one of the finest specimens of the
paper piano, this being Of French
make, and decorated most ornately
with pictures by we'll known French
artists. The duke gave 500 guineas
for this, mainly, no doubt, on account
Of it's OrnamentatiOn.
"Ivory pianos are by no means un.
common, and the dowager countess OF
Dudley has magniticently-carv
specimen. Pianos of ivory are, might
say, made every year In numbers.
principally for Indian princes and
rich Spanish-Americans. Many pi-
amos of solid silver are made; indeed,
one was only recently completed by q
London firm for the Nizam of Hydra
bad, and piano cases have, at various
times, been made of bronze, a species
Of aluminium, glass. porcelain, and in
combination. mother-Of-Dearl."-
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
novelist and nlsvwr,pht

novelist and playwright.
Dec. H. Hon. Allen G. Thurman,
ex-United States senator. OF Ohio.
Mrs. Eliza Benton Jones, eldest daugll-
ter Of Thomas HI. Benton of Missouri,
aged seventy three. Ex-Congressman
III. 8. Bnndy Of Ohio.
Dec. IL. Capt. Isaac $ Bassett, an
employe Of the United States senate.
He was first appointed page by Dan
iel Webster.
Dec. 70. Charles b. Athwood of Chi
cag0 distinguished worlds fair archi-
tect.
Dec. 21. Gen. james c. veach Of
Indiana.
Dec. %. Sir Edward Harland, celc-
brated shipbuiller, Of Belfast, Ireland.
Dec. "a. Max lie Baudy, notorious
millionaire sporting man, Of Paris,
France.
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
WASHINGTON IN CARACAS.
How the United states and venesu
ella Exchanged Statues.


Ella Exchanged Statues.
Down ON the northeast coast. of
South America, III Caracas, the capi-
tai of the United States of Venezuela,
there is pretty little plaza. called the
Plaza Washington. 1t is not at all an
important plaza: it is not fOored for
hundreds Of yards with rare lnosaics,
like the liaZl de Bolivar nor lit by
tdent's band never plays there. But it
has fresh prettiness and rcstfulness
all it's own, and the narrow gravel
paths are clean and trim, and the
grass grows rich and high, and the
branches of the trees touch and inter-
lace and form green roof over all,
except in the very center, where there
stands open to the blue sky statue of
Washington, calm, dignitied, benefi.
cent and paternal. 1t is Washington
the statesman, not the soldier. The
sun of the tropics beats down upon
his shoulders; the palms rustic and
whisper pleasant above his head.
From the barred windows of the yell
low and blue and pink houses that
line the little plaza, dark-eyed. dark
skinned women look out sleepilv, but
understandingly, at the grave face of
the North American Bolivar; and even
the policeman. with his red blanket
and Winchester carbine. comprehends
when the Gringos stop and take Off
their hats and make a low bow to the
father of their country in his pleasant
place of exile.
Other governments than those of the
United States of America and the
United States of Venezuela have put
up statues to their great men in for
eign capitals, but the careers of WASH
tngton and Bolivar bear so striking a
resemblance. and the histories of the
two countries of which they are the
respective fathers are so much alike,
that they might be written in parallel
columns. And so it seems especially
appropriate that these monuments to
these patriots should stand in each of
the two continents ON either side of
the dividing States of Central Ameri-
ca.-Harper's
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11

The story Of the twelve months just
closed differs materially from the rec
ord of the few years preceding it. At
that time the stirring incidents which
marked the business crisis and Il re-
sultant struggle between labor and
capital-strikes, riots and socialistic
vagaries-were the leading elements Of
the narratives: now the industrial sky
Is SO nearly clear that there is nothing
in it to interest the reader who loves
thrilling literature. There have been
but few great calamities, either Oh
land or OH sea. There have been sev-
eral cases quite celebrated in criminal
ANIMALS, but these have not formed
the central point of interest in the
story. There is one feature that out
weighs any other: This has been
wear of international tangles.
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
PLANS FOR A MAMMOTH SPAN
PittsburE Capitalists Contemplate q
Big Plane for That City,

PfttsburE Capitalists Contemplate .
Big Plane for That City.
A charter was issued ut Harrisburg
yesterday to the City Incline Plane
company of Pittsburg, which proposes
to build gigantic incline plane from
q point OIL Fourth avenue over the
Monongahela river to the top Of Mount
Washington. 1t is reported that tire
company is backed by several wealthy
Pittsburg men. The plane they have
in view is designed to carry passen-
gers from the center of the business
portion of the city to the top of Mount
Washington at comparatively easy
grade and without the diseomforts OF
transfers and slow service. The en-
gineer has prepared plans for the
structure, which provide for total
length of about a5OD feet. and q
width of 40 feet. with double tracks
and Il grade of between . and 10 per
cent.
The colossal feature of the enter
prise appears in the great suspension.
span across the Mononsahela river.
1900 feet in length. which would
make it the second longest span i'll
the country. only being exceeded in
length by the great Brooklyn bridge,
which has a span of 1866 feet long.
The towers at either end average 25O
feet in height. and the floor Of the
structure, as planned, will cross Car
son street almost 200 feet above the
grade The Mount Washington end of
the plane, which in reality is nothing
but a gigantic high grade suspension
bridge, will be $40 feet above city
datum.
The cars are to be operated by ca
bles, and run at high speed. This will
be rendered possible by the peculiar
construction of the plane, which Ia
nothing more than a larger model Of
the high-speed suspension bridge be-
ing erected. The plane. is of the sus-
pension type, with stiffening truss
riveted to the steel columns, the strain
being transferred to the masonry. No
Instructions will be placed in the way
of river interests. The promoters for
this reason expect no opposition
Pittsburg Times.
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
A Lawyers Yarn.

Attorney A. Il. Vogelsang of San
Francisco tells this story: Dennis
Spencer, the Napa luminary, was call
ed upon by Chinese one evening,
when. the following dialogue ensued:
One Chinese kill another Chinese
with hatchet; how much you charge
make him clear:'
"'l'll take the case said M. Spen-
Ger, for $1,OOO?'
"'Alle light said the Chinaman, L
be back after WHILE
"In about week he returned to Mr..
Spencer's office and laid down $1,000
In gold coin on his table. Mr.. Dennis
swept the coin into the drawer.
"'Well, the Chinese, he dead
"'Who killed him?'
"I did,
".when did you kill himY
Last night"
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
Glover After Glover.

1t is a curious fact about clover thai
when a clover sod is plowed late in the
fall and sown with winter grain it is
impossible to get good clover catch
on this hind the following season. We
have seen this tried a great many
times. If seeding is desired. tim
othy should be sown heavily in the
fall, rs no matter how much clover
seed is sown In spring, very little will
be found by harvest time. The trouble
is that the soil on the late turned sod
cannot be got into proper mechanical
condition. The sod holds the furrow
up, leaving vacant place under the
surface, until its rotting in the spring
causes the furrow to collapse. This
occurs just about the time the young
clover terminates. AS it catches hole
of the soil the latter falls back and
leaves the young clover plant exposed
to the air, and hot sun in April or
May soon finishes 1t. Possibly lib
eral use of the roller to compress the
coil Ii the fall might make the clover
The Dickinson press., 1896-01-11
PROJECTING TILE otirLErs.

Various Practical Methods Are sug-
8eHted.
Unless special care Is taken to pro-
tect the outlet of tile drain, there is
danger OF its being more or less III
jured. II 1t is in the pasture stock
the tile out Of place or break them.
Where land washes very easily heavy
rains will frequently displace them.
1t Is also sometimes desirable to so
close the opening in the drain that
muskrtts. rabbits and other vermin
cannot enter it during a dry time ana
build an obstruction. Several such de-
vices are Illustrated in the cut.
Outlet ID is particularly suited to
tile which has its opening in bank
Of creek or ditch some distance from
the bottom. 1t is merely a wall of