The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1896-06-02
A MATRIMONIAL JAR.


/ buy another new hat when you leave it
there for weeks without ever opening
the box it came imp
''But " said PickeE Thave not worn
it because you keep telling me that my
old one looks all right. -
eyes, and you already have 81 hats
that you have quit wearing, and you
leave them in your closet covered with
dust. What in the world do you keep
them forF Why don't you throw them
away?"
''Throw them away And yet you
] know very well that you never throw
anything away You would not throw
away match that had been already
+ lighted You're SO fond of saying, 1T
] might come in handy
! We'll, " said Mrs. Picket, lit is true
that never throw away things that
might come in handy, but how can old
hats ever come in handy? What sense is
there in pi1ing up old hats which are Of
no use to any one when there are 30
many poor creatures who walk the
streets barefooted?''
''But, !" said Picket 'tthey could not
j wear my hats on their bare feet. d"
81 don't see anything funny in that, :"
said Mrs. Picket icily. sYou know what
mean. You needn pretend that you
don't understand me. Why don't you
send for an old clothes man and sell
him your hats?'
: 81 never think of it
etT11 lilo 70 I-,,Dxrr xvo,, IL ,v,I~
of. don't think you think at all. But
do as you please. Buy new hats; wear
them; don't wear them. It's your own
affair. Mrs. Picket concluded with
saying, You make me tired, = and she
retired from the room, slamming the
door with violence which made the
chandelier rattle.
"Such is married life,' said the
stupefied Picket, gazing after his wife.
whether I do thing or don't do it,
l am certain not to please my wife.
Take that new hat, for examplel What
did you buy it for, said she, when you
never wear it?' and the first day that
put it OH to go out she will be sure to
say, What are you wearing your new
hat for when the other one is all right
still?' -.
Some days afterward Picket said to
his wife, 81 am going out. .
Indeed, said Mrs. Picket. Where
are you going?"
81 am going to see poor Marley, who
is ill .
"And do you put on your new hat to
see poor Marley?"
Just what expected you to say, I"
remarked Picket. Eyes that is what I
am going to do. 1 am going to wear my
new hat. Seer"
''Well, why don't you throw your old
one in the closet with the others?''
With rising rage Picket took up his
old hat, opened the closet door and
hurled the hat into the closet.
''There, " said he, II hope you will
give me rest on this hat businessr'
''That makes the twenty eighth, !" re-
piled Mrs. Picket, with burst of sar-
donic laughter.
Picket went out. Ee started toward
Marley's house. but he had scarcely
gone more than couple Of blocks when
it began to rain.
''There, said the unfortunate Picket.
Just my luck. Beginning to rain. Got
new hat ON and no UNI brella. -
He started into a neighboring door
way to wait until the shower should
cease, and as he did so man carrying
long plank ON his shoulder turned and
swept the unfortunate Picket's hat from
his head INFO the gutter
Cursing like a pirate, the luckless
Picket pursued his new hat and rescued
it from the gutter, much damaged and
covered with mud. A passing good Sa-
marian stopped and said to him.
There's a halter a couple of doors
up the street there. He will brush it off
and touch it up with the iron, and it
will be all right. y
THANK you, said Picket, and he re-
paired to the hatter's. When he had his
hat polished, he stood upon the doorstep
for moment, and, not wishing again
to expose his hat to the fury Of the ele-
ments, he determined to step into q
friendly restaurant next door, where he
would wait until the storm was over. He
went in, seated himself at table, hung
up his hat on one of the hooks over his
head, ordered sandwich and began to
look over the paper. But he could not
take his mind away from the satirical
welcome which he knew his wife would
extend to him when he returned with
his damaged hat. However, the Rubicon
had to be crossed. The rain had ceased.
He rose, and, still rejecting on his
wife's reception, took hat from the
hook and was about to go when two
walters came up to him and grabbed him
by the collar.
Now we've got him, said one
'Yes," said the other; ''we've got
him now This is the fellow who has
been stealing hats.
Picket, paralyzed with establishment,
protested. ''What 1 steal hats?" he
said "What do you mean?''
You will have an opportunity to ex-
plain this at the police station, was
the reply, and the proprietor, who had
whistled for a policeman at the door,
turned him over to the hands of blue
coated guardian of the peace. The I'm
fortunate Picket was yanked along the
street. followed by crowd of passers-
by, who applauded his arrest and a
number of street boys, who signifed
their disapproval more forcibly by hurl-
ing mud at him. When the party
reached the police station, the proprietor
of the restaurant made his complaint to
the sergeant there.
That's the man, y said he For the
last two weeks some scoundrel has been
coming to my restaurant, and whenever
he goes out somebody misses hat. We
have been watching for him. Now
we've got him. There he is. This is the
thief. We caught him in the very act.
"But I was simply mistaken in the
hat, cried Picket. eff were stealing
hat, would have two here, but 1
haven't This is not mine, but you will
find mine hanging ON the hook"
Eyes. " said the restaurant man, ct
know. Ordinarily you were in the
habit of carrying gripsack in which
you put the other hat This time you
came without it. -
But | am an honest man. persisted
the unfortunate Picket. IT am well
known Let the officer go to my house
and he will see Z" He gave his name
and his address, and the sergeant, wav-
ering in the face of his protestations,
sent an officer to accompany him to the
address given. In about half an hour
the officer returned, bearing an enor-
NOUS pile of hats
Here sergeant said the latter,
"see what found in the fellows house.