The Van Buren press., 1896-01-25

he had been, nor what he had been
doing.
In due course Solomon came to the
village and prosecuted his love affair
with becoming ayidity and attention.
Zebediah looked on unmoYed, albeit
there was a twinkle In his beady little
eyes which seemed to say, as he sur
yeyed his rivals advancement, that he
did not think things were going IN
quite so smoothly as that rival appeared
to believe.
But very few days remained Of the
bachelorhood Of the Chicago merchant
when from the morning train from the
west there aiighted a rotund, ruddy-
faced woman. unquestionably Irish,
who demanded to be directed To the
residence Of the spayds. Arrived there
she asked for Mr.. Solomon Sioeombe,
who at that very moment happened to
be in blissful communion with his
bride-eleet, all unconscious of the fate
In store for him at the hands of this
personified Nemesis. Through some
wholly inexplicable coincidence 1t also
happened that Just as the woman
reached the spayd's house Zebediah
Dunkly arrived there also and over
heard all that took place.
When he entered the room he found
all the family present. Old Spayd was
purple with rage. Mrs. Spayd, in con-
dition of collapse, lay limp on one couch,
and Deborah, in a state yerging on
Mysteries, on another; Solomon, breath
less and painting, and blanched with
| fright and astonishment, was Yainly
endeavoring to quell the voluble wrath
of the irate Irish woman.
"It's sorry for ye thatOi am, me poor
girl" she was saying, "but he is me
lawful, welded husband. Oh should
niycr have behaved this uf him. For
tin years we have been man and wolfe
and diyil a day but wan in all that tonne
has he been from home. He tould me he
was going to attind a convention, but Il
koind frind drapped me bit uf note
and here Oi foind him galliyanting wild
a poorly girl jist for all the worruld
lolke the ould Don Juanny that he is,
the whole me and the six childers. wild
four of them twins by the same token,
was after breaking our hearts wild the
aaxoity all alone in Chicago. o. Solo
mon, beant ye ashamed of yerself?"
my good woman" protested Solo
mon, when ut length the loquaeious
flow had abated somewhat, and he was
enabled to get in a word edgewise:
MY good woman, there must surely
be some mistake. | never saw you be-
! fore in all my life"
"Niver saw me, is it ye say? Nlyer
saw mel" fairly shrieked the woman,
turning to the assembled company
"Will yez listen to that now2 P'raps
them's not me marriage loines; p'raps
them's not the photographs o the
ehilder; p'raps yer not Solomon Slo-
combe, and p'raps Oi'm not meself at
all, and p'raps-" but her breathless
volubility deprived her of the power
Of further speech. The tempestnous
wlirlwind of her words was only
equaled by the violence of her physical
gyrations as she swung her arms aloft,
hourishing in one hand piece of time
stained paper and In the other an an
cient tintype.
"Who Is this woman2" roared Mr..
Spayd.
81 don't know her" answered Solo
mon.
"oi'm his woife," responded the wom-
an at the same time.
"The wretchl" gasped Spayd.
"Oh, Solomonl" sobbed Deborah, and
ut once relasped into Mysteries.
"Shamel" interrupted Zebediah,
with all the emphasis at his command
"Now, look here, one of you is tell
ing me lie. Which is it?" demanded
the master of the establishment.
"Oim his woife," reiterated the
woman.
"Belieye me" pleaded Solomon, q"
"Shut upl How dare you come
courtin' my darter when you have got
n wife like that and a household of
brats in the west2 How dare you,
say, come trifling with the virgin af-
fections of my beautiful gal?" and
here her father beamed upon the pros
trate Deborah.
''My dear sir" urged the unhappy
Solomon, 81 can assure you that ] am
guiltlcss of any such intention. | am
not married TO this woman"
''Phwhat?" yelled the unwelcome Wis
itor, and she dashed around the table
standing between them with velocity
that so startled Slocombe that he fell
backward over chair unluclily placed
behind him.
"fhwhat, dye dare to denoiy 1t to
me face? I'll tache you
And she prepared TO restore the re-
cumbent Solomon to the perpendicular
by the hair Of his head, while Spayd
went to his assistance, and his wife
and daughter screamed an ear-piereing
duet, Zebediah looking on with evident
interest.
An exciting climax had been reached
when there was lull in the activity
of all concerned. oceasicned by the
hearing of another angry voice proceed
ing from the hallway beyond, of which
respite Solomon eagerly availed himself
TO regain his feet and seek position of
safety near door leading into the ad-
joining apartment.
Let me see hint" exclaimed the
newcomer, and a woman, very fat and
very much 40, freeing herself from
the restraining hands of the hired girl
who precipitately retreated, dashed I'M
tremendously into the room.