Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-02-20

Il cant. the clever dumsei crlnd.
MY new beau's picture IL inside"
Chicago Record.
A Clear Conscience.--"Don't some OF
these old songs haunt your mo; Two
never murdered any OF then" Chicago
Record.
do you know Bilk?" Know the
Internal scoundrel! Why, he" "Ah.
see. you do know him."-Chicago
Evening Post
Efilc-Jack. papa said we must not
see each other any more. Jack-rIn-
deed! Shall l turn the gas 0ut?-
Harper's Bazaar.
Doctor-Didn't tell you not to tax
your brain? Literary patient--Pm not.
I'm only writing for one Of the high
class Magazines Philadelphia Record.
Bacon--so your friend is engaged to
that Boston girl, after all. Egbert-
Yes. How did he melt ber?" HE
didn't; he simply froze to her."-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Will some one tell "A Curious Read
err why the pictures Of horseless car
riages show that many of these new ve-
hicles are provided with whip sockets?
Boston Journal.
She--Yes, that IL Mr. GambOge, tho
artist. lie is welded To his art He
Judging from his appearance 1 should
say that he didn't marry for money
Boston Transcript
The poet groaned in deep dismaE. .g5iiiqy
Meath comments analytic. ei4.. j..
"Oh, for some pen," they heard him say,
ITO criticise the critici'
Washington Star. "a = = AZ
~ think" said the weather prophet,
thoughtfully, that we are to have n
little typical Chicago weather" what
kind is thatT "All kinds ut once" re-
piled the weather prophet Chicago
Evening Post.
Did you fali!' said q man rushing
to the rescue Of woman who slipped
on the icy pavement this morning. "Oh,
no." she said. II just sat down to see
IL could find any four-lcaf ciovers."-
Atchison Globe.
Katie, why haven't You warmed
my study better? The thermometer
shows only SO degreesr' "Bvt. Pro
fessOr, for so small room 1t seems
to me 5S degrees are enoughr-Flie-
gende Blaetter.
Miss Playne-Is il true that you said
the mere sight of my face would make
a man climb a fence? Hargreaves-
I-er-meant, of course. il the man was
on the other side Of the fence.-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Excuse me, sir" said Barker to a
boorish traveller, but what Is your
business? Il am gentleman, sir.
That's my business" "Ah," said Bar
ker. Il see. You are taking vaca-
tion."-Harper's Bazaar.
What do you mean by saying 1 wrote
tramp jokes? You know I deal with
nothing but society subjects" IL didn't
say you wrote tramp jokes. / said
your jokes were on the bum" Obj
Indianapolis Journal.
Our butcher was burned out this
morning, john" she said. WAS hep
he asked, disinterestedly. EYES," she
replied, reaching for an evening paper.
Il wonder If he advertises fire sale
tonight Chicago Post
John" said the frightened wife in
the middle Of the night. there's some
thing moving down cellar, I'm sure"
John listening intently): ''Oh, it's moth
ing but the gas-meter pegging away"
he said, with a sigh Of rehabilitation
Life.
To dc nttf IN 1n
the ignoramuses ask you the oftenest"
inquired the lounger, putting his feet
up on the table Of the answers to-quer-
les man. THAT one" wearing responds
the information editor.-Chicago Trib-
une.
. The Musicians Wife-Haye you thor
oughly practiced the accomplishments
you are to play for Miss Amatoor to-
night? The Musician-No, but it
doesn't matter, you know. It's So
ciety musicale and nobody ever listens.
Boston Courier.
waiter" said the guest, I'm a little
afraid Of this milk, haven't you any
boiled waterT we can boil you
some, sah," replied the waiter, "but
the milk is NIL right. We use nothing
but artesian well water here. sah."-
Chicabo Tribune.
Uncle Josh-I amt sure whether ed
dication done me any good or not. Meb-
be I'd a done better if didn't know
how to read or write. Aunt Samantha
How so? Uncle Josh-Well,
wouldn't read any "Hints to Farm
ers."-Brooklyn Life.
Old Quiverful-And SO you want TO
take our daughter from us: you want
to take her from US suddenly without
word Of warning? Young GosIow--
Not Mt all, sir, If there is anything
at0pt her you. want to warn me-
against, I'm willing TO listen.-Brook.
lyn Life.
NO" said the man who picks up
bits Of wisdom wherever he can, II
never like to hear Blykins start out
to show how all the Indebtedness OF
the country can be liQsidated.. and
financial affairs put into shape Mt short
notice." "Why notT' HE nearly al
ways winds up by borrowing 50 on his
own account"-Washington Star.