The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-03-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Don't stand on your dignity too
much Get off occasionally and hus-
tie. Puck.
Teacher-'What was Joan of Arc
maid Off" Pupil-"Made OF dust. -
Boston Transcript.
The man who conducts his business
in q slipshod manner naturally loses
his standing. Puck.
Henley "Brown is very far see-
ing man." Penley when he is
looking backwards. Truth.
Love may be blind, but his sense of
hearing is so acute that he never mis-
takes the jingle of copper for gold.-
Truth.
BY having q place for erything
and everything in its place, you can
be a source of great comfort to care
less people who don't remember where
they leave things. Puck.
Friend-'It must be awful to have
the newspapers keep saying such
things about you" Political Candi-
date-"Yes, but suppose they didn't
say anything at allr-Someryille
Journal.
''Does the old fellow have moneys"
"I rather think so. "Makes a show,
does hep" "Oh, no-but his daugh-
ter, who is thirty-fve years old and
awfully ugly, was married last week. "
-Gothamite.
May-"They tell me your engage
ment with Charley Gumpleigh is
broken. How did it happen?" Carrie
-"It is no mystery. The fact is, he
was too fresh to keep; that's all. -
Boston Transcript.
Hicks-"Times are pretty hard, I
can tell you. Why, it's Ill can dol to
keep my family out of the almshouse.
Wicks-"And is the almshouse in
your town really SO attractive as
that P"-Boston Transcript.
Softleigh-"The Widow Passe pro-
posed to me last night" Sappehead
-"Reallyl What did You say?"
Softleigh-"Told her I'd be son to
her. You see, her daughter got there
first. philadelphia Record.
ooh, DEAR" sighed Mrs. Cumso as
she tossed about in bed, "lm suffer-
ing dreadfully from insomnia" "Go
to sleep and you'll be all right, "
growled Mr.. Cumso as he rolled over
and began to snore again. Judge.
Hubby-"When first got married
/ determined to have no large items of
expense in housekeeping, but l find,
after all, that it is the little things
that count" Batch-"How many
have you?" Hubby-"I have four. "
Detroit Free Press.
The person who will construct some
phrases with which man who has
fallen down on a slippery sidewalk
can adequately express himself with
out shocking the passers-by and lay
ing himself liable to arrest, viii do
much to advance the cause OF civiliza'
tion. Puck.
81 might as we'll plead guilty,
Judge" owned up the penitent pris'
oner at the bar. 'If it had been u
bolt of lace or basket of diamonds
you might have called it kleptomania
and let me go, but don't reckon that
would work in this case. | stole the
hog, judge. Chicago Tribune.
Charity is divine attribute, hui
the man who sets out TO practice il
soon discovers that it is n one-sided af'
fair. 1t is regarded by the other felleI
as a very slick and easy way of getting
something for nothing. Be charita'
BILE, but keep a bucksaw and half q
cord of wood on hand. Detroit
Free Press.
A lawyer residing in the North Of
England, and noted for his laconie
style of expression, sent the following
terse and witty note TO a refractory
client, who would not suecumb to his
reiterated demands for the payment
of his bill "Sir, if you pay the en-
closed, You will oblige me. If you do
not, shall oblge you, ,"-Pittsbura
Bulletin.