St. Paul daily globe., 1896-04-08
FUN SET TO WORDS
ONE OF THE MOST LUDICROUS
FARCES THAT HAS EVER
HAPPENED
AT MARKET HALL YESTERDAY.
PAT SCANNELL, THE LEADING
COMEDIAN IN THE HUMOROUS
EVENT.
THEY CALLED 1T A CONVENTION.
1t Was Too killing for "a Majority of
the Delegates, and They Walked
Out.
scannel,s convention? Oh, yes!

Scannells convention? Oh, yes!
There never has been anything like it on
earth, and there never will be again. The
supreme concocter of fun and folly broke the
mold Immediately after filling the order which
gave to the world yesterdays saturnala of
eAcluciating Incompetence and roughly anus
ing skuiduggcry. Words would fail even a
photographic dictionary to fittingly depict the
buffoonery ard clown-iike treachery typified
by the governing CD genius of that conven-
ton.
1t was so good" as the street Arabs say,
that even those who were hungriest for pot
roast of grimaces became surfeit ere Pat Scan
nell had ceased wondering how Pierce Butler
and Judge AIcCafferty had harpooned him so
fatally that his duly engaged pluggers stuffed
their mouths to save their prospects,
Representative? Truly twas so-represent-
ative of the sde-splittlng egotism of Chicago
importation and the dizzy deceptIcns OF few
under-studies for the old-time circus clown.
The most elderly novel man that ever sat on
the wave-lapped sands and chuckled over the
antics of a capsized water bug would have
confessed, had he been present, that he never
before experienced real joy-that kind CT joy
one can roll in his arms and revive the men,
ory thereof for the amusement of laughter
loving youngsters in the days of age and ease.
Even the most cynical scribe at the report
ers' table laughed in shivering glee as he
viewed that crowd before the fun began. Aft
erward he lost sight of the crowd in the
delectable pleasure of viewing the ludicrous
fragments of hungering citys pride.
disgrace, too insidious to impress the laugh
ers and scorners; the riotous spirit of political
omfoolery-harlequin disguised in the garb of
fat-witted schemers-these had possession, by
right of pre-eminence, of hall where, ere
now, there have been memorable hours of
wanton gayety.
Men in whose craniums the bump of de-
struction is large, and the knobs of judgment
and discretion correspondingly small, were
early on the scene. They scented delectable
feast, and they gathered in as closely and
as thickly as the presence of the superior
beings would allow. Smirks and smiles,
winks and mods, scowls and frowns, and sig
nifcant rubber-neckings of befudded heads
easily indicated to the dispassionate observer
that certain trouble and possible harm were
in the air. In the old days men would have
prepared for bloodshed, naturally as the
terday prepared for defense.
At the moment when all was ready and his
hackers, pluggers and pushers had been keyed
up for any fate, P. D. Scannell mounted the
platform. He deposited all the carefully pre-
pared papers and paraphernalia on a pine
board table, and adjusted his glasses. Mr..
Soannell was sleek and smiling, though no.
tceably nervous at the awful consciousness
of the hard running ahead. He had burned
his bridges and was desperate. Having mount
ed the platform, the programme to follow
might easily and naturally breed riot. Pat
knew this as no one else knew it. and his
gavel was in accordance with his feelings
and Intentions 1t was a stout piece of board
with small end to catch hold of. The end
with which he pounded the table was solid and
full of rusty nails. At Donnybrook fair it
would have been prize stick. His friends
gazed on it admiringly and pinned their faith
to its hardness for offense or defense
And situated thus, with the delegates in the
front rows, citizens behind, seated and stand
ing, all in joyful sorrowful anticipation,
Scannell's angry-looking stick opened the con-
vcntion.
The chairman at once began to read the
call, when dizzy individual, with porcupine
head covering, lazily lying back in his seat,
moved the call be dispensed with.
Twas the wrong cue, for Scannel would
not desist, but read it through.
planted in the front row for the purpose.
moved that ScanneI be temporary chairman.
Second said some one, and Johnson kept
right on, putting the motion with an easy
impudence that was remarkable
Even while he was declaring the motion
carried, Pierce Butler cried Hold on" They
couldn't quite ignore him so early in the
game, and Bill sat down, while Pat recognized
Butler The county attorney talked business
q hat ok 1ad
plotters
The Democratic city convention is not a
session Of the city committee he said, "and
desire to nominate for chairman a man who
is able to preside over this convention. He is
identified with all the Democracy and not
member of any clique faction of the party.
as such" He named Judge McCafferty. and
incidentally took few center shots at the
very peculiar methods of the city committee
and its chairman. The convention was warned
that never did a more important duty rest or
the Democracy than at the present time; and
he wanted every man 10 go on record
Delegates from the Eighth Second. Fourth
and Fifth wards seconded McCafferty's nomi-
nation Mr.. Scannel refused to recognize the
Eighth, because of contest but few min
utes afterward he named John II. Healey, Of
that ward on the credentials committee
1t was at this point the chairman began to
get real good He went momentariIy into
seventh heaven when loose and sleepy-Iook-
ing Sixth warder tried to sav re was not afraid
OF Pierce Butler or ]. J. McCafferty Nobody
gave him credit for knowing enough at that
moment to be afraid. SO everybody Joined in
ertrfating the guy to be seated-and he sat
Delegate Mcdonald of the First attempted
defense of Scannell. when he proves in
competent, then call him down. he said and
no one had long to wait.
Tom Tierney seconded McCafferty's nomf-
nation. ard Ed Darragh did the same. 'tIf
have any friends here want them to vote for
Judge McCafferty," said Darragh, with en-
phasis.
How will you vote?' queried the chairman
to the delegates.
Several tried to answer. hut Dr. Stone made
a wonderful plav-ard won. ''Those in favor
of ScanneIl stand IN" sang out the commits
sioner of heath. He asked the same for Mr.
NcCaffertv. and the rerorters counted a ma
jority in favor of the latter. 4 shiver shot
athwart even the hottest of the scribes when
Dr. Store declared Scannell elected.
The Doctors choice accepted the crown with
aviditv-and henceforward until the noon ad-
ioprrment sensations climaxes. revelations
clt ctric changes and oratoreai pvroteehnics
We're on tap and flowing at a rate to hewilder
even Skinny the Tin Peddler. -
Republican who had been rung into the
Sixth ward delegation had skin full of