The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1896-01-31
VOL. XLI---NO. ;.
IIRIEDIES.

VARIETIES.
! Our vices are like our finger nails,
we cut them them from time to time,
but they grow OUT again.
A boy does not always get much
comfort out of his first cigar, but he
! gets heap of experience.
u began life without a cent in
my pocket said "A purse-proud man
to an acquaintance. Il didn't even
have pocket replied the latter,
meekIy.
The Groom tvery wealthy)-"Why
! did YOU marry an ordinary chap like
me:" The Bride haven't the
slightest idea; mamma managed the
whole affair.
johnny, Willie says You threw
both feet We'll, ma, ! was Just
playin'.' : What sort of play do You
call that Football"
Music Hater-"There's one thing
like about your playing" Violinist
(agreeably surprised)--"IndeedI
What is that Music Hater-''Why
it dosen, give the eats chance to
be heard. :
Whats the reason" asked Sam
Price, that the days are so much
warmer in summer than in winter?''
Tom Bibber-"l thought every fool
knew that. You are mistaken, for
you don't know it"
II thought you said this horse
you sold me was an intelligent. relia-
able animal. = 1t is - WHY. it
tries to get over the fence every time
it sees girl in boomers Yes.
That's what shows its intelligence.
Mrs Prattle, to her visitor-"Have
YOU heard OF the splendid catch Miss
Swiftly has made? She is engaged to
II mobleman. the baron of-of-(to her
hrsband)-"What is he baron of, my
dear Mr. Prattle, who has met him
Ideas"
Remember that politeness al
ways pays, my boy" said the bene-
VIOLENT old gentleman to the boot
black. "Mebbe, replied the practi-
cal boy, but I'd rather have IL nickle
than thank ye' for backing shoes.
-Muggins-"Do you think smoking
is injurious ," Buggins-"Well,
know man who smokes 1900 a day
day and Muggins-" impossible
Fifteen hundred cigars II day BAH"
Buggins-"Who said anything about
cigars | referred to herring"
-Willey-"I tell You, it's better in
the end to be honest. Did you ever
know II rogue who wasn't unhappy"
Shalley-"NO; but, then, one would
hardly expect rogue to be happy
when he is known. It's rogues who
are not known that are happy"
-Doctor-"Well, Madam, how are
you today" Madam-"Oh, Doctor,I
have frightful pains all over my L, dy
and it seems impossible to breathe;
1 can't sleep, and | have no APP
petite at all. Observation-Disclosures
well, otherwise you're all right, aren't
your
-Friend-"You looI, blue, doctor"
Doctor am blue , Itook months
vacation, leaving my practice in the
hands of u newly graduated physician
completely ruined" Frieud-'Didu't
know his business, eh?" Doctor
No. Heactually cured every patient
| had
DONTS FOR young MEN.
Don't pose at Il reception.
Don't whisper when the play is OH.
Don't relate anecdotes OF yourself.
Don't use lat any time, slang phrases.
Don't use II lorgnette on all occa-
sions.
Don't wear diamond studs in the
DAYTIME.
Don't wear your hat on the side of
your head.
Don't say sir or ma am when an
swering people.
Don't extend yonr visit unless press
ed to do so.
Don't fail to pay for the postage on
Don't wear your overshocs in the
drawing room.
Don't discuss religion or politics at
Il dinner party.
Don't make first call longer than
90 minutes.
Don't fail in courtesy to old ladies,
or even to old men.
Don't accept an invitation unless
your hostess is included.
Don't entertain your friends with all
your woes and miShaps.
Don't leave your belongings any
where but in your own room.
Don't. if acting as an escort to II
lady, arrive late Be on time
Don't tip your hat to woman, but
raise it with dignified air
Don't correct the children of your
hostess. Mothers resent this.
Don't wear creaking shoes? 1t
makes noise and is disturbing.
Dou't smoke in the presence of wo-
men unless permission is asked.
IHPiRTED IN CONFIDENCE.
The small boy had restless, I'M
happy look rs lie approached the
young man who was calling on his
sister.
Il woul Int tell anybody but you
about it" he said coniidentially.
about what?''
about what's happened to me.
But thought you might help me-
lin what way
do you remember that little bit of
IA gold watch my sister had?'
Yes"
Il was fooliug with it, and sister
was coming, and | put it i'll my mouth
IN,