The Portland daily press., 1896-09-12
NEW YoRK's CULTURE.
Her Intellectual Advancement From a
Chicago Standpoint.


The Gotham Sunday Paper ms an Educator.
How Chicago Can Emulate Her Eastern
Rivals Example-If All the Flies In New
York Were One Fly, Etc.
In New York newspaper the other day
o writer on the subject of intellectual ad-
vancement in America said that we as a
people had to contend against ignorance
west Of the Alleghanies. The New Yerk
Sunday newspapers have only a small cir
culation west of the mountains, and this
is apparently why Chicago and the region
hereabouts Is left in darkness If the Chi
cago people had read the Sunday papers,
they would know that if all the flies in
New York city could be amalgamated,
| fused or welded (not wielded) into one fly,
| that fly would be as tall as three story
building and have legs 80 feet long
They could look at lifesize picture of
| Mrs Bryan's feet and admire charming,
| full page study of a snake swallowing a
baby. In fact, they would be fully abreast
with the intellectual giants of the east who
recently calculated that If all the New Jer-
sey mosquitoes were made into one mos
quito the creature would be as large as an
elephant enA have stinger 1S inches in
diameter.
Until this morning Chicago has not
joined in the educational movement which
has been demanding the best thought of
| New York for GO many weeks One Sun
day New York newspaper printed high
| ly edifying picture Of man $40 feet high,
leaning carelessly against the tallest build
ing in town as IL 1t were a hitching post.
III all the men in New York were made
into one man." was the line underneath.
| Next week all the horses in New York
were put into one horse, beside which the
| Washington arch seemed a mere garden
gate. Next there was an alarming picture
entitled, "1f All the Smoke In New York
Game Out of One Stack A full page
illustration representing dense clouds OF
smoke was naturally an attractive feature
for family paper.
'sIf aM the bicycles in New York were
made into one bicycle All, that was a
triumphl The front wheel was as large as
the Ferris wheel at the Worlds fair and
the barrel tubing was a great tunnel
through which tallyhos could be driven.
'fIf all the coffins used in New York last
week were made into one coffin" That
was cheerful conception.
This has been going on for weeks and
may continue indefinitely. The Sunday
newspapers are sure of having good mate
rial for years to come. The editor Of the
department has only to turn to the diction
ary and begin with the first page Of GA. y
The first word he finds is hardware -
Very well. There is suggestion for q
picture showing all the aard-varks OF New
York city rolled into one mammoth aard
vark Then let him take up the other sub
jects as they follow.
"How all the abacisci of New York
would appear If made into one abaciscus. y
"All the abacists of New York made into
one abacist Tho ''abacot,' the tabao.
tor, the ''abaft, the 'abanga' and che
"cbattoir" could be used later.
The advanced educational movement In
the east proves conclusively that what the
Chicago people want to know is wha,
would be the effect IL all the boomers In
Chicago were pieced together into one gi
gantic pair Of bloomers, to be nailed or
the front of the Auditorium hotel.
If all the odors from the Chicago river
were assembled into one great odor an6
bottled, what would be the comparative
size of the bottle if stood alongside of the
Columbus statue on the lake front? Sup
pose all the garbage boxes that need clean
ing could be represented In grand total BY
one garbage box Would this box be al
large as the city halla Or wouldn't it Tht
people have right to know.
Thousands Of frog legs are received IL
South Water street every year. If the to
tai receipts for the year could be graphic
ally represented by one pair of legs, span
ming the river near the cold storage ware
house, with tugboat passing underneath
would not the men and women Of this be
nighted community feel lifted up some
what from having looked upon the pic
, turep
Suppose all the collar buttons in Chi
cago were made into one collar button
what would be the appearance Of this col
lar button when loaded on drayf
These are questions which must be an
swered II Chicago is to keep up with TIN
educational movement in the east. Th'
information given this morning is O mer
beginning. It is no more than an indica
tion of what may be accomplished her
when the people have climbed up to TIN
New York plane of culture and begin Il
understand that full page picture of I
prize fighters fist is 90 per cent pure foot
for the Juvenile mind.
: No Chicago newspaper has yet computes
Marshall Fields wealth in / cent piece
and made q picture showing the size OF tn
canvas bag that would be large enough t.
hold all the coppers. In fact, the educa
tional movement has made scarcely an.
headway in the west
Mrs. Bryan Travelled through the Yves