The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1896-10-11
THE VERY NEW WOMAN.
LATEST SJPPLsMENT 10 4 COM
PLhIE NAyJRAL HIsIORr.
a satiricaI Contrast Between Her and the
"centlc sex"-whcn and How They
Dincr-In the Event Of War.

found the New Woman" a. VlbaIiy
Called GA account OF her close iefems'"he0
10 zoe gentle scN OK wUn~nAlnG ~ MS"'
ms the hair long ana me tcc' slo', 90
iaAuB short steps in Walking "h" ''n"
nOtCs In talking. and having eng s"li-
mortal fear oil COWS ana mice, ana 'b"4-
ing love OF dudes ana pouolfs. nus "t"
creature is stuklugiy like our s"cel",st's
ana wives IA having rudy chct"H. i"'S
lips, aud abundant hair, Wncll ei ~ -
p',rf .f their lurea4o when they arrive
In this world or not their motto i4he ma
tf Iho Others evidently beins-hiNc P't'
checks. lips. and hair. naturally - .vu
can but have pretty checks, lips, ana halr
ht All hazalds even at the fisk OF your
house looking as dingy as smoke-s'"cK,
or OF replacing the hair which Is IN your
mattress with straw. ,
Another point OF resemblance rs 'heiI
aversion To man" only with inc new
creature ID is not that timi0, recoliihs rear
which IS Characteristic Of the sirl o. me
Old school. but 10 is seii-asseI tnB' push
ing. ovcr-awing attitude which no Hlascu-
line creature can Withstand when SHOWN
by a woman. The average girl Is ahy De
cause she doesn't know the man, WINE
the new girl is clustering ana hoiu De-
cause she knows him too well Sne mas
10 use for the "horrid man al an uhul
a caterpillar gets on her dress OF COW
obstructs her path. II man shouln iech-
lcssly kiss the former without hcr con-
sent she bursts into flood OF tears or
fainis. but dare 10 KISS me lalleI uhn ~
gives him "A blow. first with the right,
and then with the left, which is calculat-
I'D to counteract the good effects oil the
theft. --.,,,
Tho New Woman" Is a compromise,
the first clause or the recipe Tor her make
up be'rC for an ordinary woman, ala q
pair Of hlOomcrs and bicycle. WINCH
though not making the New woman
IS n SIGN 10 the world at large Of hcr in
an
70 lnman man. be subject 10 no ono, ana
do nothing but be able 10 do everything
This New Woman" differs from the
girl OF the "old school IN several import
ant respects. The latter, as she always
has been. Is still now the one Nno makes
the wife and the mother. for while she
stays at home and busies herSef Win 40
nestle duties. the former mas 100 hl ,du
ideas 10 cOniine herself 10 such haIlo"
sphere OF action. and so you can only see
her by chance sailing around the parks
or the popular drives. She Will not marry
as a general thing. or II she does, she VIII
leave out the word obey IN the core
monv. and that man who marries lcr IS
p fool n he isn't able 10 employ cook.
for he will have TO cook and Understand
the art Of housekeeping himself
THE NEW MAN 4 BETTER Ma ME-.
She Is little difficult 10 classify. Her
chief characteristics seem TO iend To-
wards the manly. only she thinks she can
make a better man. tt occurs 70 ne lnat
IL wa. n mistake ever 20 nave caliei ItI
"The New Woman. being as she was
originally q woman. hut that she oueht
10 nave been called THE New Man.. For
instance. YOU may repair an Ola coat or
remodel 10 as much as you choose hut
il will still lc an old coat. because II was
"a coat before. but if you cut Il np ana
make a rag carpet out OF II. II VIII DE
called new carpet. because u never was
a carpet before. Likewise with woman,
You cannot well make new woman out
OF an old woman but II she an 81 once
changes and makes Of herself an image
OF man. YOU might. with good deai OF
propriety. call her New Man lot
this is a waste Of time, for we would
never be able 20 correct this great e.ipr
OF the world any more than &c cCIld
correct the error Of our Christian &, Il ie-
ing four years behind the time. A ND
Nan Wrinkle for the past ten years WcLlu
thus describe 1.-THE New Woman, lh
physique she IS peculiar. Wneh Fod see
her beyond and above fence you take
her for an ordinary woman, out Mhch
YOU get a fun view of her YOU are IN
great doubt as 10 which sex she belongs.
She has two feet and TWO wheels. lie at
ter Of which are detachable. when she
Is OF Of the latter she then stands IN Ter
feet Just like the ordinary man does. she
Is amphihiOus. IN the summer time, ana
migratory an the time. They can he seen
in large numbers I'm the parks, on the
streets and at long distances on Inc
roads in the country. They re scatter
ed oil over Europe and America, arc fie
taking possess ion Of ASIA ana Ali-ci.
Grcst Efforts have been made Or Their
exteim.rotion, but without success. Tley
seem To Increase with prosecutions.
With her various complislments, she
does foI the man what The bicycle noes
for the hOrsc-knocks him out.
THE RESULT
When We look at the rem sable de@cl-
ORR erts all along this inc during Tie
I.sI few years We wonder what II IS g 10
Ing a. If the excitement keeps up nrls
used To be TOO modest TO sakc the q. IS
o. women on the stage IN the early dsN
OF ths drama. and when 'hey ti1 hrcHy
css'y 20 DO SO. the civilized world LIED
III e'r hands iu holy horror. We stoou
with hated breath when We saw them uon
the fJnnels of the haSc-u al" rs, si's the
ball To deep center. and tnCn SLIDE aroI
the bases like professionals. IL got tlcstr
10 as when We ocncld oul sWe'tnedftS
for the inst time on bicycle w'h;h ""s
then Considered out OF ala e Tor wan
even But now that the sws,.istt las
Do mel 4 COners and les uGs ah1 l. drs
by on her bike like a Texas cowboy, II
becomes heart-rending. But this rs not
all Woman must have her rights. She
has already mastered Blackstone and can
fight her legal battles. but this doesn't al
ways meet the requirements of the case,
for there Is "a time when the tongue does
not sway judges and jurics, and then
there is left nothing but TO fight. Ne
have the awful spectacle Of women or
ganizing In military companies and man
ming Gather "WOmaning } Warships, ana
preparing for actual war You know
woman with a gun I'm time of peace is
dangerous What would she be In war?
OF co'l-se the bicycle Will figure quite eX-
tensNely I'm the army Of the New No-
man" when she declares war ana as II
seems that half the men in the country
are In the bicycle business, she Will have
the usual support of the masculine sex,
as IL will be only business policy. After
all women always make good warriors.
They make doughty antagonists in any
line Boadicca and Joan OF Arc made
many stout men trcmhle at the sound
OF their names. when they were tie only
women In the whole army and II Is but
natural TO conclude that an army COM
posed entirely OF AmazOns would be sim
ply inyincible. And then the equipment
OF this army-an entire army all dressed
in bloomers-and you know the sight alone
OF them, especially on bicycle, always
makes a man turn away his head IN fear!
Al would be a long march. too, for they
would have to so in single file TO avoid
crushing sleeves and skirts.
AND THE BATTLE. OH
The battle would be fearful--the charge
OF the bloomer bicycle brigade the clash
OF arms. as they slapped each others
jaws the clattor Of fans and parasols.
the roar OF lap-dOgs, the melOdi0us impre-
cations and screams OF the participants,
and the charge Of the hair-pinsi All this.
twisting OF noses and the pulling of hair
will make II the most hideOus and howl
ing battle TO hear. and the most painful
20 witness Of the Nineteenth century. nay
the most circulating 10 endure. for no.
body will be killed. but all must suffer
In living agony, being scratched. and pull
ed. and ratified, and tormontcd so near TO
death that II Will be just tantalizing not
10 be able TO die.
But do not let us swallow our troubles