davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
Cool nurrlnr. unolnr Victim.


In the current Llttells Living Age
is copied an article by w. s. Lilly on
THE Theory of the Ludicrous," in
which article the following story is re-
lated:
II think about the most curious man
l ever met" said the retired burgl..r, Il
met in house in eastern Connecticut,
and l shouldn't know him, either, II
should meet him again, unless should
hear him speak. 1t was so dark where
I met him that l never saw him at all.
| had looked around the house down
stairs, and actually hadn't seen a
thing worth carrying off, and 1t wasn't
bad-looking house on the outside,
either got upstairs and CROPPED about
little, and finally turned into a room
that was darker than Egypt. hadn't
gone more than three steps in this
room when heard a man say: Hello,
thereW
"'Hello,' says I.
"'Who are your said the man, bur
glarT
"And said yes, I did do something
In that line occasionally.
Miserable business to be in, amt
it?' said the man. His voice came from
bed over in the corner of the room
and knew he hadn't even sat up.
"And said: We'll, / dNnno; I've got
to support my family some way
"'Well, you just wasted a night here,
said the man. Didn't you see anything
down stairs worth stealing?'
"And said no, hadn't.
"'Well, there's less upstairs, says the
man and then l heard him turn over
and settle down to go to sleep again
I'd like to have gone over there and
kicked him. But / didn't. 1t was get
ting late and thought, all things con-
sidered, that I might just as we'll lei
| him have his sleep out"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
FAps IN RECOMMENDATIONS.
The Devil Is Coming in for Ills Share
of Attention.

The Devil Is Coming in for His Share
of Attention.
It is possibly too late to cure the
affectation of giving Teutonic twist
to the pronunciation Of those good old
Saxon words either or neither, in
whose original there was no suspicion
of an a." for fashion seems to have
decreed, Notwithstanding, that they
shall be i-ther and ni-ther, and so they
will probably continue to be with those
who aspire to keep pace with the popu-
lar whlrl, until the turn Of the wheel
shall bring the correct form on top
again. That oft-mooted question may
then be considered out Of court for the
present, comments writer in the Crit
ic.
But there are two other words that
seem to be going the same road, and
alike in opposition to all authority, con-
corning which l wish to make a few
remarks. / mean the words evil and
devil, which have a close relation to
each other in more ways than one.
Many of our clergymen have adopted
for these words the pronunciation Of
evil and devil, and l am sorry you
say that the devil has so got the upper
hand that the evil is on the increase,
until what was in the beginning only a
clerical affectation now bids fair, like
i-ther and ni-ther, to assume the pro-
portions of popular fashion. Time
was when the stage virtually set the
standard in the pronunciation Of the
language, but in these latter days Of
dramatic degeneracy, when slipshod
English and imperfect enunciation
seem to be the rule behind the foot
lights, the pulpit exerts an equal, II NOT
the greater, influence. It behooves
every clergyman, then, to look care
fully to his rhetorical ways, lest he
teach ortheopic heterodoxy while
preaching the soundest of theological,
orthodoxy. Now, the words In ques
ton have been pronounced ever since
the English language came into being
simply evil and devil with the accent
ON the first syllable; and no amount Of
INSTRUMENTATION can make the one any
worse or add any terrors to the other
II our clergymen will only bear IL
mind that "the evil that men do livel
after Them" they will look more care
fully in future to their Orthoepy an(
hesitate ere they try to improve on thu
good old-fashioned devil Of our fathers
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
KANSAS STATE NEWS.
Condition Of Corn.

Secretary Coburn OF the state
board of agriculture has issued
his crop report from returns
covering practically every town
ship in KansaS 1t shows the
winter wheat yield to have been co.
ESQ, 449 bushels, an average OF nine
bushels to the acre. Four hfths OF
the crop is medium quality, and the
remainder Is rated good" The esti-
mates indicate that one-third will be
marketed within sixty days
In the corn belt of the state, and In
fact, generally the range of condition
for corn is unusually high, the aver
age being 81 for the entire acreage,
and forty counties report 1t at from
lc0 to l16. Most of the ten days prior
to this writing have constituted a
period ofintensely hot, drying weather
with but little rainfall on corn terri
tory except in eight northern counties,
In the southern half of the State most
of the early planted corn is fairly past
possible failure, but in much OF the
other shalf the rains needed at once
to insure any considerable yield OF
merchantable corn will be most nnx-
ionsly watched for
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
rio thought Of vlcksburg and chicta.

RE thought Of vicksburg and ChickG-
manga. Everyone within Ave miles
was sure that the Perdu boys we're
standing off a band Of robbers. Mr.
Perdu had only the day previously sold
4 tract of land for $4,000. His neighbors
thought Of that circumstance at once,
and jumped to the conclusion that an
attempt was being made to murder and
rob the farmer.
In five minutes 30 people, armed with
Wlnchenters, revolvers, and shotguns,
were galloping to the Perdu home.
When they saw tho alllgators they
looked into each others eyes and said:
What in thunder does 1t all mean2"
1t took two or three hours to kill the
alllgators. There were more than a
hundred II counted 1O9-little and
big" said one Of the boys,
During periods of great drought peo-
pie have frequently met two or three
alllgators going across the country
from one stream to anther, but never
before did a Texan wake up and find
q hundred or more alligators in his
front yard.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
Capacity of st. Peters.

It needs fifty thousand persons to
make a crowd in St, Peters Cathedral
at Rome. 1t is believed that at least
that number have been present IN the
church several times within modern
memory, but it is thought that the
building would hold eighty thousand
as many as could be seated on the tiers
in the Coliseum. Such a concourse was
there at the opening Of the Document
cal Council in December, 1869, and at
the two jubilees celebrated by Leo
XIII, and all three occasions there was
plenty of room in the aisles. besides
the broad spaces which were required
for the functions themselves.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
Covotes and Sheen.

Coyotes are not particular as to food,
eating anything that comes in their
way, but it is said that they have es-
pecial fondness for mutton. This leads
them to play havoc among the sheep,
where they are found in large fiocks.
A rancher in Oregon had flock Of
nineteen hundred sheep, and missing
large number, instituted search,
On the brink of precipice he found
three sheep with their Threats marked
with the teeth Of coyote. Making
his way to the bottom of the canyon he
there found the bodies Of one hundred
and ten sheep on which the coyotes had
been feeding for a week or more. From
other incidents Of like character 1t was
concluded that a number of coyotes
had gotten into the flock when the
sheep were driven off their bedding
ground by a storm, and had herded
them to the brink Of the precipice,
much as lot of sheep dogs would do,
When the edge was reached, the coy
otes pressed the sheep so hard in the
rear that those in front were pushed
over and then the coyotes Toasted at
their leisure.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
SUMMER BATHS.
rho Hest Materials for ladies Are BrlI-
lIantlno and Gloria silk.

llantlnO and Gloria silk.
The summer bather has progressed
many degrees since the days when a
loose wrapper and a pettlcoat were con-
sidered q sufficient costume for the
sport Of wading in the shallow water
without any thought Of learning to
swim. Nowadays all members OF a
family who live within any reason
able distance from the sea are provid-
ed with bathing suits, from the Oldest
member Of the family down to the
two-year-old, who has hardly learned
to walk, much less wade. All the
same, no one enjoys the water more
than this very two-year old as soon rs
he gets over his first fright about IT..
Very simple flannel bathing suits for
little folks can be bought at low iig-
ure, and the enjoyment that they get
from them more than pays for them.
Very often, when one has a private
beach, the children are allowed to wear
their bathing suits to play in the sand
an arrangement which Is a great saw
Ing to their clothes and q great relief
to those who have them in charge.
Very small girls are better off without
petticoats to their bathing suits, as,
indeed, Is everybody, especially II one
has an ambition to learn to swim.
Pretty little suits for five or six-year-
old girls are made Of cross-barred fan
mel. The drawers are made with rub
Der draw-tape at the knee to hold up
the stockings. The wee tots look pref
tier with low neck and short sleeves,
and while they are still young perhaps
the tan on their little shoulders Will
not do much injury, A sash OF wide
braid or silk tied around the waist adds
to the beauty If not to the convenience
Of the garment. Ladies' bathing suits
are more satisfactory when made OF
brllliantine or gloria silk, and black Is
the best color. A black brllliantlne
suit, with white trimmings Of the same
material, may be bought for $4S5
Gloria silk is the lightest material
which can be used, and II the gar
ments are made sufficiently ample II
admit Of plenty Of freedom In the
movement of arms and legs, 1t will bt
found very serviceable. Boys Jersey
bathing suits are sold for $4.85, bu'
J pretty flannel ones can be bought fol
: 81. Children's bathing suits will bt
found very useful even to those whC
! do not summer at the beach, as there
, was never boy born who would no
. insist upon wading in brook II h
} could find one.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20

Steamships are being constructed OF
larger and ever larger dimensions. Out
Of some 400 vessels in course Of con-
struction in Great Britain and Ireland
at the end Of the first quarter this year
more than a seventh of the number
consisted of vessels between 5000 and
5000 tons. On the Clyde alone during
the month Of April the total output Of
shipping was some 1850 tons, and
seven Of the vessels which made up
this total aggregated in themselves no
less than $3.50 tons. The average
size of the vessels built at Belfast was
a remarkable feature Of the output for
last year, and the same thing holds
true of the work now on hand. At Bel
fast Harland G VOLTS steamers last
year, seven in number, were consider
ably over 5000 tons, ranging from the
Georgia, of 10,O77 tons, to the Veda-
more, of 6,662 tons, the average being
as high as $500 tons.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
companlonable. Finally crash cano

companlonable. Finally crash came.
The telephone rang with emphasis.
"'Mrs. Drifter is very sick, cir.
Keeps calling for you and saying,
Come home, I give up, I'll never do II
again." I've been trying to find you
for an hour, sir. I'm SO scared for the
poor, dear lady
"This from the new girl. OF course,
I got home as quickly as the street
cars would take me. Then the secret
came out. Between sobs and means I
learned that some grocer of whom
Mrs. Drifter had ordered bill Of goods
had grossly insulted her.
"'He insulted me, me, your wife,
she sobbed. The woman who has no
one to protect her If you fail her,
Why, why should weak, frail woman
have to stand the insults Of rude,
rough men, when she has a husband
who ought to attend to all the BUSH
ness matters?
"This was rich, indeed, but I didn't
load my siX-shooter and sail out after
the offending tradesman. / soothed
the little woman, assured her that l
was a brute to have allowed her to
wrestle with the worldly problems OF
trade, barter and bills, and begged for
giveness for having, as she said, Inn
posed upon her the whole work Of fur
nishing the house and worrying her
poor, tired brain with prices and fig
ures and horrid old bank books,
81 found that the grocer's insult con-
sisted in returning dishonored check
drawn by Mrs. Drifter on her own and
only bank account for S59,16, and
marked plainly in red ink at the bank,
N. G. That was all, except that the
grocer had written, I return your
check. Evidently some mistake. Shall
send the bill to Mr.. Drifter?'
"'What does he mean by disfiguring
my check with horrid slang? Tell me
How dare he put IN. G."on one OF my
checks? What can be done to him.
Isn't it the same as forgery?' asked my
wife.
81 looked over her book, found that
her additions and subtractions were
sadly mixed and that two othel
checks were due to come back also dis
| figured with those horrid words, N
c. for she had overdrawn her &C
count to the tune Of S2OS. And those
stubs! Bless her heart! she took mt
literally. She had tried to keep tracl
OF her expenditures so as to give me
surprise in bookkeeping. She sue
ceeded. To give you an idea: Instead
of filling out the stub thus:
Apr. /.
M. Macaroni. ,S53
For groceries,
Mrs. Drifter had actually endeavoret
in every case to put down each separ
ate item on each bill paid by tn
check. The one given in payment o
an order for groceries was a dream
The order embraced everything from
spaghetti to roach powder, and tn
poor woman with new and separat
bank account had endeavored to trans
fer all the items to the stub. She re
ligiously filled that stub with her fin
handwriting, then started In and file
two sheets Of note paper and pinne
those to the suffering stub.
"She doesn't run bank accoun
now" concluded Drifter, "And She
gained ten pounds since becomin
again my chum and AN ornament t
the cottage at Gravesendhurst."
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20

"T don't think much Of that bank
Ihe said. why, they've got the use
Of my money, drawing interest and all
Nhat, and then to tell me to wait a
Jay or so. Perhaps you will lend me
some money until that funny old cash
Ter finds out who am
II gave her few pointers as to the
checking out of funds; showed her the
Importance of simple subtraction as
applied to bank balances and dwelt at
some length on the necessity of enter
ing on each stub the name Of payee
and for what purpose each check was
drawn. / also advised her to call on
me from time to time to look over her
accounts. Then woman's new sphere
of activity dawned upon me. Said my
wife:
CHOW, Drifter, dear, once for all,
do stop joking You look over my &C
counts and keep 'em straight? Not
much. I'll trouble you simply to give
me some more checks to put in that
funny little window there at the bank,
and 1 will do the bookkeeping
eco It, 1 remarked; and she did.
Well, the thing went along. l didn't
monkey any with the books of my for
mer chum. When at home together
saw that there was a tired look about
her eyes, an expression which seemed
to say, I wish that darned bank ac-
count was in a hotter place than
Gravesendhurst,' but let her new
venture severely alone. When neces-
sary handed over checks for her to
deposit. That was all. She got the
furniture, fitted up the house, mean
while getting thinner each day and less
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20

wholesome and Poisonous Mushrooms,
Every few days for the rest Of the
summer we may expect to hear Of
persons poisoned by eating toadstools
in mistake for mushrooms. Toadstools
are mushrooms, but the name seems to
have been given in popular speech to
the poisonous varieties Of these fungi.
It is strange that so little effort has ever
been made to teach the people Of this
country how to distinguish between
them and select the harmless varieties
for food. Many men walk hungry over
mushrooms which would tempt the PAL
ate of an eplcure. There Is great num-
Der Of varieties that are both whole
some and delicious, while the poisonous
mushrooms are few in number and,
usually, repulsive In appearance. With
little study Of them, people living in
the country could often procure very
acceptable additions to their stock OF
food from the humble growths in their
fields.--Philadelphia Ledger.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
The Ago of Perfection.

The costume of the woman cycllst
remains the unsolved problem Of So
ciety and trade. Fortune, II not fame,
awaits the designer of garb that will
insure safety, while 1t preserves the
modesty and grace with which tradi-
ton still happily enshrlnes the fairest
Of creation.
The bicycle academies and the boule-
Yards furnish lamentable revelations OF
the ineffectlveness of necessity or art to
devise to date costume BETTING wheel
and rider. To such extremes has indi-
vidual fancy violated good taste and
common decency that woman becom-
lngly attired rarely fails to attract at
tentlon. Indeed, 80 fragrant has become
the abuse of bicycle toilets that many
sensitive, self-respecting women have
been driven from the public thorough
fare and forced to forego the pleasure
altogether. Exclusive society women
are now rarely found on wheel save In
the suburbs. Their costume has little
in common with those met on the
boulevards. - New York Commercial
Advertiser.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
Fancy Candies.

So essential is the candle considered
for decorative purposes that for occa-
sions where its light would not be suffi-
GENTLY strong, what are called Candle
stick lamps" are used. That is, the
tall, slender candlestick is perfectly
copied and so low is the tiny shade sus-
pended over the burner that none but
the most observant would notice that
1t was a small lamp that burned inside,
and not wax candle. BY the way, 1t
is always best to lay candles on ice for
several hours before they shall be
needed. They will not gutter so badly,
will burn more slowly and give a more
satisfactory light altogether.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20

At Lincoln's funeral, April %, 1866,
there were about $4,000 soldiers in line;
at Grants funeral, August 8, 1885, there
were 1850 in line, with $4,000 in tho
veteran and civic divisions. At the
centennial parade, April 30, 1889, there
were 10000 soldiers in line; and at the
Columbian parade on April 2S, 1893,
there were 10000 men in line. At the
Evacuation Day parade, November rs,
1883, and the Bartholdi statue parade,
there were fewer men in line.-EeW
York Sun.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20

W ~ uiOhO dhN
share his hopes and disappointments.
To him all Mrs Drifter's hats, wraps
and furbelows, when exhibited for crit
icism, were dreams, my dear, simply
great. No other woman could have
done 80 we'll on so little money"
SO far so good But when the Drift
ers got the suburban fever and settled
upon their home in a cottage at
Gravesendhurst there came an inter-
ruption to the comradeship. AS Drifter
says:
"The little girl was never one Of
your know-it-all, self-reliant, head-of-
the-hrm women. Not much. She al
ways said that figures bothered her
and that when she wanted more money
than gave her, or she could find in my
pocket, she'd ask for it. Some fine
friend, while on q shopping excursion
with my wife, threw brand into the
Drifter circle. That night l got this
piece Of information:
'Drifter, every wife should take her
share Of the responsibilities Of the
household. Women should not be
afraid to handle business affairs. EX-
perience teaches us that woman is a
better manager of the home, finances,
and
"'What tie dickens are you driving
at, little one,' asked.
"A woman loses her independence,
sacrifices her individuality and be-
comes merely an ornament, play
thing, a.
"'Hold on! hold on! gasped,
Have you Joined the Female Society
to Prevent Husbands from Caring for
Wives, OF Is this notice Of proceed
ings for separation, madam
Driftef,' came the measured 70
ply, L have leaned upon you too much,
I must not only be sharer in your
pleasures, but in your trials and-and
IL MUST have separate bank &C
count. There!
Conversation tagged that evening
The next morning l learned that Mrs
Drifter intended to purchase the new
furniture for our Gravesendhurst cot
tage, to buy groceries in quantities
and run the affair entirely on her OWE
plans.
"It will give me something to do,
she said. The storekeepers will have
more respect for me, too, and you
won't have to bother at all about fit'
ting up the house or running it,
"That day devoted largely to start
ing my wife out on her adventures
those of a young woman with her frs
bank account. wrote my check for {
round amount and handed it to thu
cashier of bank near our suburban
home, with the request that he enrol
my wife as depositor. The usual for
malities were complied with and thu
trouble commenced. With bank bool
Ind pocket check book in hand, Mrs
Drifter felt her new independence
SAe decided to raid the bank at once,
"I will draw some money out now
she said sweetly.
II let her proceed. She didn't get far
The old cashier kindly insinuated tina
IN the banking business it was custom
airy to realize upon checks or draft
deposited on new account before hon
oring demands. He told her that he
husband would have no difficulty Il
getting a small check cashed for he
shopping needs.
"That Nearly upset the little woman
We went out. / took her to lunch.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
rha Rnst OF EvIdenOe.

Johnny-"Tommy Browns mSther
makes him go to Sunday school every
Sunday" Mamma-"Why do you say
she makes him go?" Iohnny-"Be.
cause he goes."-Puck.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
AntInuitx of sonn.

Soap is not a modern invention. II
is twice mentioned in the Bible, first in
jeremiah and again in Malachi. His
tory tells us that more than 1000 years
ago the Gauls manufactured 1t by COM
bining beech tree aches with goats fat.
A few years ago soap-boiler's shop
was discovered in Pompeii, having been
buried beneath the terrible ruin oil
ashes that fell upon that city 70 A D.
The soap found in the shop had not
lost all its efficacy, although 1t had
been buried 1900 years. At the time
that Pompeii was destroyed the soap
making business was carried on in sew
eral of the Italian cities.-Grocer's Re-
view.
II. Il 1Caa Ia
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
BOLD ALLIGATORS.
THEY MADE A VERY LARGE
CONNECTION IN TEXAS.
Farmer Was Amazed ono Elmo Morn
ing to FInd His Yard in the Posses
sion of tho Creatures Made
War an Thorn.

r Is certainly an
unusual circum-
stance for a farmer
living away out on
the dry prairies to
wake up and find
his yard full of al
ligators-- neverthe-
less, this is what
happened to Rich
ard Perdu in Bur-
Lesson county, Tex,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20
MRS. DRIFTER'S BANK.

RITTER and his
wife had been
chums, in t h e
truest sense Of the
word, ever since
their marriage. II
he felt a yearning
for an afternoons
revelry at the base
ball park Mrs.
Drifter was eager
to go along and
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-20

The number of wheels ridden in Chi
cago is variously estimated at from So
600 to 100000.