The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-13
SIR 'ENRY's ACTOR.
re Liked Congressman Crowley, but Gould
r{oe Understand Els Metaphor.

s'otut, ana no mad u Gort OF tongue tied
walk, reminding ono of bad case of
locomotor ataxia. His nsbestus tinted
frizzes We're parted amidships, like my
lady's we'll groomed Yorkshire terrier,
and his larboard eyebrow executed st.
Vltus' dance i'll an effort to retain
strangle hold On tho monoclo screwed
i'll his ego.
10 was enc of Sir Henry IS actors, and
together with Sir Henry had been 500
ing tho sights of Washington. Ho said:
"Ono of the first membaws l encoun-
tawcd, yer knaw, was a-aw-congress-
man from Texas, named-aw-named
Miles Crowley. This Crowley, yer
knaw, avis chawming fellow. but
didn't Quite-aw-gwasp some Of h.
-aw-l,is metaphaw. When law
awsked him what the average numbaw
of-aw-people killed per day in Texas,
numbaw negroes lynched, numbnw
white mon shot for cheating at cawds,
do you know what he actually saidP
Why, said Crowley, that depends upon
tho numbaw of Queen Vic's subjects
there aw in Texas. Numbaw varies each
day. Going and coming all the time
Now, you, faw instance, wouldn't last
10 minutes in Texas, unless you switched
yaw doilect, got yaw hair cut, and blew
that bum looking roof yaw wearing
1.-THE ideaw! Switching doilect and
blowing roof! awsked him to explain,
you knaw, and he told me that would
hayo to have laparotomy performed on
my head before saw jaowke or
gag, dawnt yer know. Pawsitivley, yer
knaw, Congressman Crowley is simply
--aw-simply excruciating, yer knaw
-aw. Crowley. was told, yer knaw-
aw-was quite fightaw in Texas, and
awsked him about it.
Yes, quito wight. yer kuaw.' said
Crowley. 'Daown YR our country our
motto is, "Tho shooting iron is mightiaw
than the sword, and the boxing glove is
mightiaw than the pen--aw' It was
till Govnaw Culbawson gave the Cav
bett and Fitz the fwappe. yer knaw.'"
"Confound such metaphaw. What does
fwappe mean? nevaw will learn this
Amewican slang, yer knaw, aw.
Look heuw, living said Crowley
Tho flattawed me by comparing me to
the govnaw, Sir 'Enry-'you didn't
know came from Bawston, good old
Irish Bawston stock. 1 was Dawn under
the shadow of Bawston Hill monument,
but I got the hot foot, yer knaw. Screw
ed my nut, yer knaw.
Such eXpWessions, aw, as screw nv
nut and got the hot foot wero con-
founded cleavaw, suppose. but blow
me if 1 could comprehend them, yer
knaw, aw.
ft1than T IT,
Crowley abaout his early days at school
i'll Bawston, and he astonished mo by
telling me as low he went through Haw-
vawd, aw. 'Ow I happened to go
through Hawvawd. yer knaw, was like
this: "A friend of tho family, yer lnaw.
was janitaw of the college, and he took
me through
Some of Crowleys friends were
standing about, yer knaw, and bloime
me if they all didn't give mo an awful
lawf, yer knaw, aw. Oh couldn't see ex-
actly whnw the lawf came in. We went
into pub neaw tho theataw, and Mr..
Crowley recommended some 'awf and
'awf. The 'awf and 'awf was tip top,
yer knaw, and 1 awsked the bawtendaw
if it was imported.
IT'S from Jersey-Newark, New
Jersey, said the bawtendaw
"'Then it's imported if it's from
New jersey said Mr.. Crowley, and
they all lawfed again, though couldp E
see where tho lawf came III, yer knaw
--aw. But Congressman Crowley is a
moine of inflammation, and it was from
him, yer knaw, that faound whoi it il
chat Cleveland issued his Venezuelaw
papaw. Cleveland is kind of q spawt in
his woi, and he loikes to see spawning
people enjoy themselves. By favawing
VeneZuelaw he can got all he wants, yer
knaw, from Cwespo. And what he
wants, yer knaw, is for Cwespo to pawss
bill permitting pwize foighting This
will give the foighters, yer knaw, a
chawnce to pull off n mill, and the poll
ticians Of the Stoitcs can no longer make
political capital aout of the foighters
Every spaw5 i'll the Stoites will give
Grover his suppawt if tho Venezuelan
question is decided in favaw of Amer
lcaw, said fdr. Crowley, yer knaw!
when told Congressman Harry
Minaw, whom knaw, yer knaw. in u
theatrical woi, what Mr. Crowley had
impawted to me, what do you suppaowso
Minaw suid?
''Ho lawfcd hnwtily, ny / said as 'ow
Crowley had been a-joshing Of me.
Nov, bloime me, what does joshing
mean, yer knaw-aw?" Washington
Post.
FIo Held tho Medals.
First Cyclist. Won SOC that o,ont1c