Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1896-01-23
THEI CITIZEN.

The explanation of the universal
hostility to Great Britain on the part OF
her fellow landrobbers is the same which
the lesser animals had in the fable
against the 1ion-they think Great
Britain has grabbed more than her share
Tourist lin Oklahornal-When you
drew your bowie and sprang at the stran-
ger who had called you a liar, did he
lose his head?
Alka1i Ike-Nope; only his ear.
Joseph Fagnaut, of Greenville, \.
H, became the proud father of twin
daughters on Christmas Day. His pre-
sent wife IS his fifth, and he now has
twenty-seven children.
Putting the feet in hot water invarl-
ably cures a headache, from whatever
cause it arises. The head aches when,
from any cause, the little blood vessels
in the brain are too full. Putting the feet
in hot water draws the blood from the
head.
Judging from the opinion of the Lon
don correspondents, John Bull Is getting
into hulnor to lick all creation. y
Furthermore, all creation is pretty will
ing to have Tohn Bull undertake the
enterprise.
Young mother, whose baby has been
weighed by the butcher: And how much
does the little fellow weigh, Mr.. Bull
winkle?
Butcher (dubiously): Well, from my
p'nt of view, mum, he runs too much to
suet.
Sir" said a gentleman in crowd.
'do you know that you are pushing me
unnecessarily
"Sir," said the gentleman addressed
to the party Immediately behind him.
''Do you know that you are pushing the
gentleman ahead of me unne cessarily!''
Then he turned to the first speaker and
said, Owe passed it down the line,
If suffering with piles, ii will interest
YOU to know that De Wits Witch Haze
Salve will cure them. This medicine Is
specific for all complaints of this character
and if instructions (Which are sjmple) are
carried out cure will result. We have
tested this in numerous cases, and always
with like results. 1t never fails. j. Z.
RBDIok.
Hello, Charlie, what are you doing
-moving?" asked one young man OF
another whom he met with a big vallse
in his hand.
'Tve just commenced my vacation.
"Your holiday"
eyes. I'm vacating at the request OF
my landlord.
-"Oh no, ma am" pleaded the tramp
"you may think my life all sunshine,
but it amt Wherever go 1 am beset
by dangers. In short, ma am carry my
life i'll my hands"
"Ah, 1 see!'' exc laimed the temporary
hostess; 'rhat accounts for your not
washing your hands You don't dare do
it for fear you'll drown yourself" !"
No excuse for sleepless nights when you
can procure One Minute Cough Cure.
This will relieve all annoysnces, cure the
the most severe cough and give you rest
and health. Can you afford to do without
iti J. G. REDICk.
Tim going to be a contortionist
when grow up" said little Johnny,
proudly "I'm in training now, so 1
want you to tell me what is the best
thing for me to eat"
Green apples, my boy" chuckled the
old man.
What is the meaning of this great
sorrow? ask 1ate-comer at popular Ell
tertainment. "What is the audience
weeping for?''
Professor Bangs, the elocutionist,'
whispered the usher, as he wiped his
eyes, "has just finished reciting a hum
orous poem"
Wife-Here's an account of man who
shot himself rather than suffer the pangs
of indigestion. Husband-The fooll Why
did'nC he take De Wits Little Early
RisersY l used to suffer as bad as he did
before / commenced taking these little
pills. j. G. REDICK.
The rapid manner in which certain
modern churns convert cream into butter
is one of the wonders of the dairying age.
Butter now can be made while the
breakfast table is being laid five or six min
utes being all the time needed to churn,
while i'll a few more minutes the butter
can be made up and brought to the
table.