The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1896-03-11

then current. Should De prOduced at
once.
Mr.. Kinp saw that Nye's choler was
up, and he was alarmed for he did not
like to lose so good a customer.
IVY ees dis, Shudge?" inquired kipp.
DE pill wasn't due. unit oof it vas. dere
vas no hurry of IT.
Nye insisted upon paying however,
and then he explained:
1t doesn't make any difference to me.
Mr.. Kipp, that you refused to 20 on
my bond and that | have discovered
your name on the bond of another but
] don't want anything to do with II
man who goes back on his poor dead
mother. as you have done There's
where | draw the line, and business
between you and me must forever
cease"
HIS RESIGNATION.
When Nye was appointed postmaster
at Laramie by First Assistant Post
master General Hatton he wrote a let
ter to that official congratulating the
nation upon the wisdom that had led
to his tNye's) appointment but when
u year or two after, i'll health having
driven him away from Laramie. he was
forced to resign. his letter of resigna
tion was perhaps the most unique Off
cial document that has ever passed into
the national archives. He explained
how the safe combination was set. also
how to make the Office stove draw. and
gave some valuable information as to
who should be trusted for box rents.
stamps. etc. and gave some of the
characteristics of the office cat. Also
during the course of the report he took
occasion to remark:
'"rhere Is some mining stock in my
private drawer In the safe which have
If you desire it. 1t Is a luxury. but You
may have it. ] have decided to keep
a horse instead Of this mining stock.
The horse may not be so pretty, but will
cost less to keep him.
HIS FIRST POEM.
Nyes first attempt at poetry of
marked character was i'm blank verse.
and was printed in Will Visscher's
paper, Hello. published at Denver. At
that time Oscar Wilde was making his
lily and sunfower crusade in this coun-
try and had just struck the Rocky
Mountain region. This is the ''poem'
APOSTROPHE.
ADDRESSED TO 0. WILDE.
Soft-eyed seraphic kuss
With timber legs and lily on the side,
We greet you from the raw
And uncouth west.
The cowboy yearns 10 yank thee
TO his browny breast and squeeze !.
Thy palpitating gizzard
Through thy vest. II
Come to the mountain fastness,
Oscar, with thy lOw-neck shirt
And high-neck pants:
Fly to the coyotes home,
Thou son Of
James Crow bard and champion aesthete
From DER the summer sea.
Sit on the fuzzy cactus, king of poesy,
And song,
Ride the fierce bronco DER the dusty plain.
And let the zephyr sigh among thy buttery
Welcome thou genius of dyspeptic song,
Thou bilious lunatic from far of lands,
Come to the home of genius,
BY the snowy hills,
And wrestle with the alcoholic inspiration
or our cordial home.
We yearn
To put the bloom upon thy alagas tor nose,
And plant the Jim jams
In thy clustering hair.
Hail, mighty snooZer from across the
main!
We greet thee
With our free, untutored ways and wild.
Peculiar style of deadly beverage
Come to the broad free west and mingle
With our hish-toned mob.
Come to the glorious occident
And daily with the packmule's whisk
tail:
And peculiar men.
Tickle his gambrel with sunAower bud
And scoOt
Across the blue horizon
To the tooness Of the sweet and succulent
beyond.
Well gladly
Gather up the shattered remnants
With broom and ship thee to thy beau-
teous home,
Forget us not.
Thou bilious pelican from DER the sea.
Thou blue-nosed clam
With pimply, bulgng brow, but z
Come and we will welcome thee
With ancient omelet and fragrant sau,
sage
OF forgotten years
Laramie City, Wyo, Jan. y, 1882.
NYE'S FAVORITES
A few years ago, when questions of
preference were -He Idu. 1flenu OF
the humorist sent him list which he
filled out as follows:
MY FAVORITES.
Presldent-Abraham Lincoln.
Hero-Brigham Young.
Shakespeare.
Novelist-Charles Dickens.
Essayist-The Sweet Girl Graduate.
Observation-Disclosures
ColOr--Navy Blue.
MOnth--October
Flower-"Pillsbury's Best"
Motto-The Golden Rule
Name tmasculine)-Ma
Name Qeminine)-Louise
Occupation-Longing for dinner time.
Amusement-Whist.
LOcality-Home.
Perfume-New Mown Hay-mown by
some one else.
Dish-Oyster on the half-shcll.
Chief ambition-To "get there
Dislike-The full-grown cyclone.
Favorite characters in fiction-Little
Nell. 1vanhoe. and Little Dorrit.
Ten, favorite books."Old Curiosity
Shop." ",lvanhoe." "Hilliard on Torts.,,..
"Baster's Saints Rest" "The Cook
Book" cash book. spelling book and slate.
Yours incoherently. BILL NYE,
Il i \
LETTER TO VISSCHER.
Colonel Will Visscher tells the follow
ing anecdote Of Nye: He had a way of
saying, In private conversation. the
most humorous things, but those not
acquainted with him and not of acute
appreciation would wonder at his earn
estness on trivial subjects. Once when
a cyclOne caught him and fondled him