The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1896-01-20
CHARMING MANNERS
4 lossesslon More Valuable
to the Debutante Than
Either Beauty OF
Wealth.
POWERFUL INFLUENCE IN SOCIETY
Tact a Heaven Sent Gift-A VIM
ter House Garden -oharm-
ing Grandmamas.

one OF the most powerful influences in
society is-not beauty, grace, wealth, nor
even character and learning. 1t is man
ner. Manne says Lord Chesterfield,
is OF far more Importance thar matter
Just as grace Is a higher influence al
Ways than beauty. Now, what are the
requisites OF a charming manner? Some
tning more than courtesy, or refinement,
or tact, or Observance of rules of polite
society, and yet all ofathese, writes Mrs,
Roger A. Pryor in the eDelineator." Man
ner has been deined as ssthe involuntary
or Incidental expression given to our
thoughts and sentiments by looks, tones
and gestures. Clearly, then, the senti-
ments should be Of the hlghest-and the
thoughts strictly of whatever things are
lovely, pure and Of coed report
The character must be pitched to a
nigh key, and, over and above all things,
the temper must be generous and genial.
1t Is marvellous how much subtle malig-
nifty turks in much that is said and done
IN society. Half the censures we so con-
scientiously launch against the foibles of
our fellows are inspired by our own i'll
numor, while VIZ fancy we are fulfilling
a yirtuous mission to reprove folly and
correct faults. A qui~ck-tempered person
IS always ready to take offense and al
ways offending.
It does not atone that he is usually
always ~repenting. Wounded feelings can
no more be salved by apologies than the
neavy foot can be forgiven for rendlng
a lady's train or crushing her delicate
toes. "A man. says George Eliot. who
uses his balmorals to tread on your toes
with much frequency and an unmistak-
abe emphasis may prove a fast friend in
adverslty, but meanwhile your adversely
mas not arrived and your toes are ten
der.
The daily sheer at your remarks is not
70 be a amends for by a possible de-
tense of your understanding against de-
preciators who may not present them
serves, on an occasion which may
never arise" So when some g~ocd-natured
TREND mas torn you to pieces at a time
perhaps, when you were tolerably happv,
py telling you of some horrid thing some,
pouy has said about you and, hayins
thus gratifed an evil disposition. pro,
Gesus % palcn you up again by repeat
ing a compliment, the soothing plaster
refuses to adhere. The wound may not
bleed outwardly, but it smarts unfil the
cireumstance is forgotten.
and thus become unpopular, less from
{ Of thought; Here: TO too. %r saom Maa.
you are ~dreadfully outraged ana are a. =
sued the offender didn't mean it," you
g &, without meaning it; How can you
tel which was sincere, the Involuntary
action or the second thought? The pre-
sumption is rattle In favor Of the former
we cannot II We wish to succeed, be
700 careful to avoid wounding peoples
tradiction or rudeness. Besides, apologies
are Illuminating. The retrograda roevas
ment = always painful and embarrass-
lng: Dear knows we have enough ADO IN
This world wasting time and force in
retracing our steps.
ve Mrsi rri e5a further hsd r, On tells Of q CON
scr Boyensen on Mrs. Cleveland's art
Of pleasing. She says: h late Mr.
HJaimar. Hjorth Boyensen was once so
ABOUT the charm Of the gracious present
mistress Of the White House, that / said:
Tell me exactly wherein the special
c cha 5ies. Give me facts. What did
sen musingly. Very little. / m Stood Sps in
line at one Of her receptions. When /
IS a rare one-and she said. "Oh. Mr.
Boyesen, | have read one of your books.
Are al your heroines, / wonder, as
charming as the one ] known told
her she must be the Judge of that. and I
asked permission to send her my stories.
and then passed on Was that alp I
asked. Gould you hear what she said to
roe man behind your DIR. McCosh i'm
mediately followed me. sOh. DR.. McCoshn y,
SAID Mrs. Cleveland. II was al your lee
iure Yesterday. I will not say / enjoyed
lt-that would be presumption on my
part.but I was honored BY being pres.
emit Madam, said the old philosopher
and divine. T will send you my lecture
tnat you may learn 1t better" as
sured Mr.. Boyesen that he need say no
more. ! was answered.,