The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-06-25


ter, is an epitsph, which, il breyity is
the soul Of wit, has high claim on that
character:
Honest John
g dead and gone.
Here are some miscellaneous gro-
tesques:
Here lies me and my three daughters,
Brought here by using Cheltenham Waters,
If we had stuck to EPSON salts,
We wouldn't be in these here vaults.
From New Hampshire .churchyard:
To all my friends bid adieu,
more sudden death you never knew.
As l was leading the old mare to drink,
She kicked and killed me quicker'n a wink.
On an East Tennessee lady:
She lived life OF virtue, and died OF
cholera morbus, caused by eating green
fruit, in hope of blessed immortality, at
the early age of 81 years, months and
10 days. Reader, go thou and do like
WISE"
The following was composed by three
Scotch friends TO whom the person COM
memorated had left legacy, with the
hope expressed that they would honor
hun by some record of their regrets. The
first friend composed the line which nat
urally opened the epitaph:
Provost Peter Patterson was Provost of Dundee,
The second added:
Provost Peter Patterson here lies he.
The third could suggest no other con-
clusion than:
HFlelujah Hallelujee
The following must be taken as fling
at noble profession:
Here lies the corpse of DR.. Chard,
Who filed the half of this churchyard.
This is as bad as the unkind hint con-
veyed in the following, in a churchyard
near Newmarket:
Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton,
Who never did aught to vex one,
Not like the woman under the next stone.
Domestic troubles have been laid bare
on the tombstone from the time of the
Greeks and Romans. Here is piece OF
atrocious doggerel to be seen in Selby
churchyard, in Yorkshire:
1tre lies my WIG, u shu sidtteTu duu sDTeWi
If said regretted her should lie too.
The following which frequently appears
in collections of eptaphs, are not credit
ed to any locality, and may be mere wan
dering bits of epigrammic misogynism:
This dear little spot is the JOY of my life:
1t raises my flowers and covers my wife;
am not grieved, my dearest life,
Sleep on-Ive got another wife;
Therefore cannot come to thee,
For must go and live with she.
My wife's dead and here she lies,
No man laughs, and no ma n cries;
Where she's gone or how she fares,
Nobody knows, and nobody cares.
Here lies my poor wife without bed or blanket,
But dead as a door nail, and God be thankit.
In the following the tables are turned
Here lies the body OF Mary Ford,
Whose soul we trust is with the Lord;
But If for hell she's changed this life,
It's better than being John Ford's wife.
Intentional drolleries frequently take
the form OF puns. Among these should
rank the epitaph on Mr.. Foote, of Nor
wich:
Here lies one Foote, whose death many thous-
ands save,
For Death hath now one foot within the grave;
and the one on Mr.. Box:
Here lies one Box within another,
The one Of wood was very good
We cannot say SO much for t'other.
Also the famous one of Sir John Strange:
Here lies an honest lawyer;
That is Str ange
A "happy conceit" il was doubtless
thought in 1910, to write over a member
OF Parliament named White:
Here lies John, burning, shining light,
Whose name, life, actions, all alike were White
The following is by Swift on the Earl
of Kildare:
Who killed Kildare? Who dared Kildare to kill?
Death killed Kildare-who dare kill whom he
win.
Here are a few miscellaneous examples
the first on Mr.. Fish:
Worms are bait for fish; but here's sudden
Fish is bait for worms-is not that passing
strange?
On William Button, in a churchyaid
near Sanbury:
o sun, moon, stars, and We celestial polesl
Are graves, then, dwindled into Button holes?
On Foote, the comedian:
Foote from his early stage, alasl is hurled
Is the satire in the following examples
intentional?
Maria Brown, wife of Timothy Brown,
aged 80 years. She lived with her hus-
band fifty years, and died in the confiden-
tial hope of better life.
Here lies Bernard Lightfoot, who was
accidentally killed in the 45th year of his
age. This monument was erected by his
grateful family.
Cleveland's second tIon.
Mr.. George Walton Green, in the July
Forum: Posterity will not rank Mr..
Cleveland as brilliant statesman. The
| ages of the historian will not glow with