Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-03-07
IKE AND HIS TOWN

| THAT reminds me-" volunteered Alkali
| Ike, addressing collectively the little group
of prominent citizens assembled in the real
estate office of Col. Handy Polk. ''of cir
| cumstance that sorter comes to my notice
while I'm abidin' down in the Panhandle
country, some years back Of
What was it you done?' interjected APP
! petite Bill, who held himself in high esteem
as a wit "that you had to leave thar"
-"Nuthin'." responded the virtuous Isaac.
II simply come away a matter of senti-
| ment."
Popular sentiment?
| Nav! This yere exodus of mine hain't
! no compulsory git away; hain't that kind
| Of a man! I'm hoppin' out burcuZ l don't
| yearn to linger. But when it comes to run
min me out without my consent am yere
| to say that it requires a heap Of eXpe-
| rience an the united efforts OF a middiin
! large settlement to accomplish the good
work L remember. one time down yonder
! in Arizona, when-
LET me see, Ike" interrupted Dr. Slade.
Il believe you started to tell us about an
episode in the Panhandle country?
That's so; much Obliged, Doc. wal, in
them days, I'm some younger an endowed
with heap sight less tum-tum than at
present, an amongst other things L gifts
myself sorter tangled up in love affair
| which, as 1 look back at it through the
dim visters of the years that nave HOWL
as the poet would ct off. shows up TO nave
had its amusin p'ints, though 1T ham
strikin' me that way any to speak OF at
the time. Tell you how it was. Thar was
| a young lady, Twin on her paws claim
about three miles out from the settlement,
| by the name of Gladys Tidd:cum. an
''Ho!" broke in the irrepressible and
light-minded Appetite Bill Couldn't
| She"
yep" interrupted Ike. Thar was any
number of things she could do for It. She
| might have married me. FIR instance, or
taken the name of any marriageabie felier
in the county, if it hadn't been for one
thing, which was her dad. Pretty girls is
plenty every place an all times of the
year-all women folks is pretty to the man
who had a good mother-but l rise to say
that, outside of the advertisements or
tooth powders an sech luXuries, l hahn
never seen a female face that could set IN
the game with Gladys Tiddicum.
She is jest the proper height an the reg
ulation width, an her hair-wal, gentle
men. it's curly like these we're little wig
giles you see on grape vines, an yaller SIM
liar to scrambled eggs. Them eyes of
flannel shirt, an soft an meltin till you
can't rest An them nose-I mean, that
nose
''Git to the focus interjected Appetite
Jaw, wel thar wasn't a thing about
Gladys that anybody could object to but
her dad He was a sight-old man Tlddl-
cum as-any way you took notice of him.
Looked a hear Ike the newspaper pictures
of President Kruger of The TransEaal re
public, an he was queerer than an Ola
blue goose. He said that he hadnt a shad-
der If objecIIon to the girls Slttln mar
ried IL she wanted TO, purvidin 1T was 10
the right kind of a man. But his way OF
discoyerin' the proper pattern OF son-ih-
law was some quaint
He didn't make inquiries as to the cam
| didate's financial standin'. nor prowl around
at night investigator his character he
simply felt of the young fellers mead ana
based his judgment on the shape OF 1t
"Old man Tiddicum was phrenoiogist-
or thought he was. which amounted TO the
same tning-an' when a car dIdate LOT
Gladys hand put in an appearance her dad
hCpped On to him an felt his bumps. an
if the style of tie young fellers head dldn
meet with the old mans Endorsement, that
was as far as he ever got on the road 10
hiss | don't reckon Paw Tiddicum was a
phre1,ologist to hurt-lkely enough what
he didn't know about it would have nlied
heap bigger book than what he did Know
but what he said went an thar was no
Jerk back from his decision.
His idee was that love maxim was busi-
ness same as preachin or stage robbln,
an ort to be done on business principles,
an he made Grafton that II ne caught any
youn. buck pesticatin around his WlgWam
before submittin to the ceremony OF laE.n
on of hands, or afterward without ms IN
dorsement, he'd shoot him so full OF noieS
that bis pe't wouldn't hold corn snuchs.
An as the old man was middln expert
with mis- gun, an you can gil QUICK an
shoot up a maiden's father without sorter
prejudicin' her agin you. that thar law Oh
his.n 'peareti to be entirely constitutional
Il hain't never known what special lorna
lions the old man demanded in the canui-
dates skull, but reckon he know ed. nifn-
SELF Tennyrate, he vas distressin ~ par.
ticular an so was Gladys, an blame few OF
the candidates got past the old mans gill
net in the first place, an up to the tinie CT
nv departure thar hain't none OF the lew
that pleased the old man been lucky enough
,,,;t h ha
was so powerful allutinS-IladyS was-that
as often as once week at the outside, thar
WAS some love-lorn dlb eoin' hopefully out
toward old man Ti,tdicumS or crawlin &C.
jectedly back toward the settlement
"Nachsral enough, I gifts emhroiled N this,
myself, after while. bein', as said before,
not so abundantly endowed with tum tu!n as
l am al present. I'm trainin. them DAYS,
with a Teller py the nam, of Nip Britt aild
me an him is thick an fraterhal a-plenty
This we're Nip Britt is also infatuated with
Gladys, an considerable worse than me-
He gifts sos he can't eat along toward the
| last. which ] hain't never that far gone.
Thar haint nuthin' else to he done, an
after while Nip decides to do and dare, as
it We're. an run up agin the old man. OF
course Nip fiatterS himself that he's blessed
| with good head but love makes towards Of
us all, as they say in stories. an he hates
Ike snakes to come to showdown an, run
the risk of tlavin' his last hope knocked out
from under him. But, bimeby, he gifts his
hair clipperd to the skin, to give his head
an even start with the old man. an 1 rides
out with him.
I'VE mutually agrees that it's a square
rattle for him to take the first turn, an If
he fiumps I'm to try it next If he's settin'
in luck I'm to be his right bower at the en-
sum weddin'.
80 far so good. The old man comes down
to the gate when We ride up. Thar han't
much powwow; the whole business is so old
to Paw Tiddicum that he's got IT reduced
to a system an it's so rev to Nip that he's
got himself reduced to the goblin pint In
two minutes they at it: I'm settin' en-
my boss an hodin' Nip's Nip has his hat
eff, an the old man is standn' behind him
on little box that he keeps for that pur-
pose, with his pipe in his mouth an his spec
tacles on his nose, solemnly PAWN Nips
skull over like it's a watermelon he is amin
to plug eventually.
1.-The beautiful Gladys is settin' up on the
porch of the house carmly fanain' herself
an lookin unconcerred as if it is an
everyday matter an so charmin' that I'm
powerful tempted to shoot up both her dad
an Nip an pack her right off with me-
Its plenty plain that Nip's head haih't
no chestnut, for the old man investigates it
with interest an respect. an makes dis
covery now an then that draws from him a
grunt of satisfaction or SaDproyal. To