Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-03-19

My hourly passion to recall:
Alas! whatever love she had.
The dog has won it all!
New York Tribune.
The Master-Is it raining very hard,
Thomas? The Servant-No. Sit; only
hailstones, sir!--RoXbury Gazette.
''HoW married life does change one
'From what | have observed | should
say it changes two. Boston Courier.
Teacher-SuppoSe you We're a king,
Tommy, what would you do: Tommy
I'd never wash my face any more
Woonsocket Reporter.
The burglar climbed over the office
partition. TT is well to be on the safe
side,'' he said. Then he began work
on the vault.-Chicago Evening Post
How does Jibson stand prosperity
since he came into his fortune"' "Oh,
he stands it all right, but it's pretty
rough on his friends. Cincinnati En-
quirer,
(Which would you rather DO, farley,
kiss a girl on her lips or on her eyes?'
''Her eyes, of course. You have to do
it twice to cover the ground. ''-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Old Maids this the newspaper of
flee? CNerk-Yes, ma am. Old Maid
(blushingly)-I see the Mayor adver-
tised for proposals. and | would like
to advertise, Philadelphia Record.
Ragson Tatters-You don't know
what it is, pardner, ter be t'roWed
down by everybody, wild no friens nor
nottin'. The Other-Don't l? Pm "a
baseball NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Record
Wallace-Do you think electricity will
be much in use in the next war? FER
ry-In the next war? Why, the Span
iards are winning most of their battles
with it right now-Cincinnat En-
quirer.
Architect-Have you any suggestions
for the study, Mr.. Veryrich? Very
rich-Only that it must be brown.
Great thinkers, l understand, are gem
orally found in brown study.-Honse-
hold Words.
Harold was told to write sentence
containing the word "copse" He came
from the city, and the word had n
familiar sound. His sentence reads
'The boy lodged the copse"- YOUTHS
Companion.
Clarence" she sighed, Economically,
"do something true, something brave,
something heroic to prove your love for
me-" WELL" he faltered, but calmly,
Il have offered to marry you"-New
York Herald.
Squildig- war in Cuba is very
expensive to SPAIN McSwilligen--
"That's what it is. 1t would be much
less costly if there were no cable COM
munication with the island"-Pitts-
burg Chronicle-Telegraph
'Mr. Insite, give the class your idea
Of optimist and pessimist" Eyes, sir.
An optimist is a man who is happy
when he is miserable, and pessimist
is a man who is miserable when he's
y."-Chicago Record.
Absent-minded Party-"Why, how do
you do, Barker? How's you wifey
Barker-"My wife? Why, my dear
doctor, l never married" Absent
minded Party-"Really! Congratulate
her for e."--Earper's Bazaar.
Ragged Haggard lat the door1-'T'M
willin' to work, maddim, but can't get
nuthin' to do at my profession" Mrs.
Snapperton-"H'm! What is your pro-
fession?'' Ragged Haggard-"I am an
anglomaniac."-Har Bazaar.
Great Scott, woman!'' exclaimed Mr.
Wickwire, to whom his wife was try
ing to explain something. you could
MT do worse at trying to make yOxIr
point if you were attempting to sharp
en- a lead cilr'-Indianapolis Jour
nal
Uncle Bob How many valentines
did you send Tommy?' Tommy
Fifteen Uncle Bob-"You have
quite Il number of sweethearts, Tell
me who they are Tommy-4fOh
sent them all to Mike, our hired man.
-Harper's BaZar.
Aunt Maria-'.Did lac ever say any
think which would lead one to think
that he wished to make you his wifeY
Phoebe-"Yes. indeed. Why, only to-
day he said that nothing was SO be-
coming to me as Calico Boston Tran
script
.T've been told Rivers name is In
old Rocksworthy's will" Yes, his
name is in it; he signed it as witness.
That's ALL and-good gracious! What's
the natter" Nothing, only I've lent
him $500 on the strength of it'-Chf
a1..-