Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-04-20
JUST FOR FUN.


Yes, Pm engaged to marry minis
Ter.
The Wife, wonder why a man al
ways looks like a fool at the marriage
altar? The Hateful Brute Because
be is.
/ Old Mrs. Chaffie = Johnnie, how
many times have I told you to stop
that noise? Johnnie (refectively) =
Seven.
He is a very unsophisticated young
nan who would try to make love to
eirl on the occasion of her first ride
BIN new wheel.
'tDoctor, my wife is subject to fits.
What shall L do for her?" ''Tell her to
get pair of boomers. She'll never
Jet any fit in Them"
1t is very poor brand of racer who
Ian not at this time of the year at
east get himself on the "dark horse''
list for the coming season.
Louis The bishop looked rather
kross, didn't he? Well, no wonder, ev-
ery one of the bridesmaids had on
bigger sleeves than he did.
She-You say your verses and 9TH
pr literary efforts have appeared in all
/ he leading magazines? He-Yes; ev-
Dry big advertiser uses my work.
Salesman Do you want to have
Four goods sent by any special ex-
Dress? Customer : Certainly, if you
4 an find a particular express. I can't.
Miss Elderly-I am sorry to say no.
should think you could read my re-
|usal in my face. The rejected am
bot very expert at reading between
he lines.
Mrs. Cobwigger- Now, Freddy, if
lou are not good boy I'll send you
10 bed without any dinner. Freddy
Bay, ma, what are you going to have
or dinner?
year these glasses because I need
hem; I can see to read the finest
print. Giddy Girl-How remarkable!
becond sight, isn't it?
Uptown Burglars got into my
louise last night and lifted every
hing of any importance-with one ex-
eption. Down town-What was that?
Tptown-the mortgage.
Excuse me sir, said Barker to a boor-
Bh traveller, but what is your bust
less? am a gentleman, sir, that's my
BUSINESS. All, said Barker, I see. You
ire taking vacation.
Mabel-How lovely of you to rec
'gnize me at once, when you haven't
cen me for three years Maud with
harming amiability)-Oh,I knew you
he moment 1 set eyes on your dress.
Lady-Is Mrs. Binks at home? Ser
-ant-No'm. Lady-Can you tell me
Ehen she will be at home? Servant
Is soon as she gets the parlor busted,
mum: an she's almost finished now.
ssNo, SIR" he said Indignantly, at he
urned from the electric light in his
Dom. 81 won't stop here. The idee
f the hotels putting gas in glass
ase, jest as eff I didn't know enough
o blow it out"
Schoolmaster (to new boy)-What
5 your father by trade? Boy (perplexss
d. haven't to tell. S.-But you
nust. B. (after great deal of hest
atom sir, he's the bearded
7oman at the circus!
Teacher-Johnny, can you give US
ONE pleasant little thought about
inter? Johnny - Yes'm; I wisht
hat I had this whole house full of
les and skeeters, soze I could open
he winders and freeze 'em.
Little Frank, who was spending his
ummer not far from Sudbury, was
ne of party who rode to the "Way-
ide Inn" He seemed greatly pleas
d, and on his return informed us he
ad been to the "Way inside"
Maud was Dragging a little about
he new house her papa was building.
We are not going to burn kerosene
il any MORE" she said: 1--WE are 60
ng to have gas all over the house, land
suspended from every
eiling!"
At ball given in small country
own, for which the tickets were not |
the inscription on the
ckets ran as follows: "Admit this
entleman to ball in Assembly Rooms. |
tickets, rs cents each. No gentleman
Omitted unless he comes himself"
81 have here one divorce notice and |
ne marriage announcement" said |
he EDITORS assistant. "What caption |
hall put over 'em?'' "Run them to-
ether and head them Brakes and |