Crawford avalanche., 1896-11-19
THE JoKER'S BUDGET.
Marine Item---And the Curtain FaIIs---ln
Doubt---Learnsd from Experienss---A
New Theory-.-Suitable.
MARINE ITEM.

MARINE ITEM.
The girl stood on tho burning deck,
But her loss we need NOT grieve;
She did not perish with the wreck -
She had sense enough to leave.
AND THE CURTAIN FALLS.
..Its all over" AS the woman uttered
these words she dropped TO the floor.
The baby had spilled the ink.
IN DOUBT.
she--Do you intend to go abroad on
your wedding trip when you get married
ile-I do, If marry the right girl.
LRARNKD FROM EXPERIENCE.
Teddy tell you it's so.
Nellie--I say it is not.
Teddy-We'l, mamma says it's so; and
il mamma says it's so, It's so even II it
isn't so.
NEW THEORY.
..Say, father, why have all the pictures
got framess"
"Why, you little fool, so that the artist
may know when to stop painting. OF
course"
SUITABLE.
Wife-What dress would You advise
me to wear to the musicale?
Husband-Well. l think an accordion
skirt, with q brass band around the waist,
and piped sleeves might fit the occasion!
DAD DAY.
Beggar-Reg pardon, sir, but ! have
eeen better DAYS Than this
Passer- by so have l. The weather
is horrid.
CoNvIycIN5.
IIusbanl-You're not economical.
Wife We'll, il you don't call a woman
economical who saves her wedding-dress
for possible second marriage, I'd like
10 know what you think economy is.
TER ABSTRACTION.
''Esmerada." he said, hoarsely; "a am
waiting for your answer"
'.Oh! forgive me, Tom. was think
ing"
.What were you thinking of 2"
Il was thinking how would have my
wedding gown made, dear"
KNEW HER BUSINESS.
Aunt-Your bride, my dear boy, is de-
lghtfnlly rich and all that but don't
think she will make much OF a beauty
show at the altar.
Nephew You don't eh? Just wait
I'LL you her with the bridemaids that
she has selected.
CALLED HIN.
$50 you want TO be my son-in- law. do
you - asked the old man, with as much
iierceness as he could assume.
We'll" said the young man, standing
first on one foot and then on the other.
ii suppose Ill have to be if marry
Mamie"
~ TIE CORRECT ANSWER
80 you have captured the moon.
sinners" said the chief TO his lieutenant.
Good enough! How did you happen to
I've so successfu!''
well. sir, we went on still hunt"
replied the lieutenant.
USsYMPATHErIC.
Strange. isn't it, that sleep won come
to me at night ~
Then why don't you go to Sleep"
CRAZY OK COCRAGEOus!
'IIeres queer thing" said Mrs. BiclS-
ers. looking up from the paper. IAN
Indiana clergyman. who has married
1.50D couples, has invitel them all to
grand reunion"
MISUNDERSTOOD.
IL am sorry bought one of those door
mats with Welcome on it."
why so?"
Some stupid fellow mistooS the mean
ing of the wo 81 and helped himself to il
the first night"
Ills SPECIALITY.
frequently? askel the impertinent
friend.
.'IIe'E an inventor"
Indeed. What has lie inventei!"
''Oh, ever 80 many things"
ANY of them practical r
'.Ycs,' was the answer, with some hes
itation. ''he has had good deal OF sue.
cess in inventing reasons why should
lend him anything from so cents TO S."
ciRoULAILy SPEAKING.
"You remember Kaigers gave a beau
tifn solitaire dia nond to Miss Thinlips
when they became engase1?"
..Well Z"
'.Well, that was one ring. When they
were married they made their wedding
trip on tandem. That was touring.
Now they are settled down and she's
vixen. And they have three ring circus
every day"
A SCHEME THAT FAILED.
..'Good gracious" he cried. was that
a rooster heard Growing then?"
..Yes," she said. ''but don't hurry
away The people around here won't he
up for an hour yet
Next day he learned that Ter father had
an educated rooster that crowed every
night at balf-past ten, aud, of course, the
match is Oft.
A HORRIBLE DEATH.
She handed him his evening clothes.
The had been packed away all summer
with moth exterminating substance. As
the odor OF tar and camphor assailed him,
his face grew sad.
.What is troubling you?
ar was thinking OF these clothes"
1T seems to me that you ought to look
pleased. There certainly are no moths
in them"
II can't help nv sympathetic nature"
he responded. ''Sometimcs II leads me
10 an absurd extreme. Of course. Pm
clad that the moths are gone, but"-and
ne sighed deeply-''it must have been ~
1,orr;bie Death