davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23
Gludncss Comes.

With a better understanding Of the
w transient nature of the many pbys.
;cal ills which vanish before proper ef.
forts-gentle efforts pleasant Efforts
rightly directed. There is comfort in
the knowledge that so many forms Of
sickness are not due to any actual dis.
ease, but simply to constipated condi.
ton Of the system, which the pleasant
family laxative, Syrup Of Figs, prompt
Iy removes. That is why it is the only
remedy with millions OF families, and Is
everywhere esteemed so highly by all
who value good health. Its beneficial
effects are duo to the fact, that it is the
one remedy which promotes internal
cleanliness, without facilitating the
organs on which it acts. tits therefore
ali important, in order to get its bene-
fetal effects, to note when you pur.
chase, that you have the genuine article,
which is manufactured by the California
Fig Syrup Co. only, and sold by all rep
utable druggists.
If in tho enjoyment Of good health,
and the system is regular, then Taxa
tiyes or other remedies are not needed
If afflicted with any actual disease, one
NAV be commended to the most skillful
nhysicians, but If in need OF laxative
then one should have the best, and with
the well-informede everywhere, Syrupof
Figs stands highest and is most largely
used and gives most general satisfaction
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

Are You Satisfied With What You hpow'
Or would YOU gladly improve your stock OF
knowledge? You may not have 50 or 900 you
can spare for u l0-volume encyciopHdia, Dut
YOU can afford to pay fifty cents for a Hand
Book of General Information. You won't want
to pay even this unless you are DESTROYS OF
improving your mind aud believe that flve,
hundred page book. filled with a conde3se sli
MACS Of Valuable knowledge, will be read by
YOU. This valuable encyclopedia VIII be sent
postpaid for fifty cents in stamps by the Book
Publishing House, la Leonard ST. y I. CITY {.
Every person who has not n large encl clop@dlt
should take advantage OF this great offer al
once and store his mind with the valuable
facts colated in this boot.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

~ an enterprislng correspondent wires
That "a hunter in Bracken County,
Kentucky, cut down tree to get
'possum, and when the tree fell found
hat 1t contained four 'possums, tive
soons, FIVE squirrels and a hundred
Sounds OF honey" We presume that
. closer examination will also disclose
copy OF "Gulliver's Travels" some
where II that outfit.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

Y The window shade manufacturer
have formed trust 1t ought to be
pretty easy for that combination te
keep the public In the dark concerning
its movements
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

Buy 81 90 worth Dobbtns Floating Borax Soap of
your grocer, send wrappers to Dobblns Soap Mfg
Co, Philadelphia, Pa. They will send you free
of charge, postage paid, Worcester Pocket Die
tionary, 29s pages, bound in cloth, profusely il
Illustrated. Offer good until August LIST only.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

Condnctor f; D. LOOMS, Detroit. Mich,
woulerlnl' .YtiUo him about it. Sold by
Druluists TJC.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

A marble status to Lord Byron has been
erected Ia Athens, Greece, tbs statue 4 the
gist 81 W.. Dewstrlas stetaaovic ssAeyiisai
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

hen r']1iicc and passion rule. reason
detected. hui assured time will
"ii' w lsert her power.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

FITS stopped free ny DIR. MINES GKEAr
NERVE REsToRER. No fits after first DAYS nse
Marvellous cures Treatiscand So trial bot.
lie free. Dr. Kline, 9M Arch St, Phila., Pr.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
Tests AND YARNS OF THE FuNN~
MEN OF THE PRESS.
Embarrassing IS. Short Supply "A Brave
Horse.-Nothing Against Him---u"sat'
isfactory Answer--Signs.
EMBARRASSING.


Pater-Yes, it's hard to make both
ends meet with my family of six grown
girls.
sympathetic Friend-I suppose you
have to husband your time?
Pater-Yes; until | husband some Oh
my daughters.
SHORT SUPPLY.
Clergyman (about to baptize an intant)
Name the child
Fatber-Charles Emilius Otto Philip
Ferdinand Lehman.
lergyman aside to apparltor)
fetch me u little more water,
A BRAVE HORSE.
Euyer (confidentially )-"Say, b oy. are
Won sure this horse won't scare at loco
motive"
Stable boy care? Not much! Why,
sir three different men have been Killed
because that there horse baked In the
middle of the track jest to enjoy seem
the bulliine comm"
NOTHING AGAINST HIM.
Weary WiIle-W'y do you tink ole
Ragges amt one of us2
Flowery Feds-'l ause he always tells
de truth
Weary Willie oh, Shucks dats nuttn
against him; he tells dc truth cause he
too lazy to rink up lies-dats all. 49,
UNSATISFACTORY ANSWER.
"Is there much poetry sent An to the
editor?" the caller asked Of the office boy.
Poetry {" replied that intelligent young
man. The edit92'Has poetry to burn"
r-.-T HER VIEWS.
Cofk-Why not take set of Dickens
Mrs. Parveno) (making up library
don't want anything so common as
Dickens. Why, all sorts OF people have
| his books!
SIGNS.
Wallace-Do you believe in signs?
| Ferry-Some. When you see woman
driving south AMI looking east 1t is II
pretty sure sign that she means TO turn to
| he west at the first corner.
misunderstood.
Yeast-I struck an old friend on the
street to-day.
Crlmsonbeak Yes? How much did
you get?
| SAVED.
eyes, DR.. Dobbs saved my husband
life when he had typhoid fever. :"
"IIow did he do it,"
"Ran a lawn-mower up and down out.
side the window and threw him into a
profuse perspiration.'
PROBABLY.
Burrows-What is the best wheel on
the market?
Hills-The best wheel is not ON the
market any more. | bought it myself
two weeks ago.
STRATEGIC.
Patrolman-One of the robbers had a
frightfully pimpled face.
Chief Detective Insert an advertise
ment in all the papers Offering to give
away bottles of a new skin medicine free.
Well Itch him yet b Jove!
ACIRD
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

Gobang-lt seems to me that Carmen
is two small ior the baby.
Mrs. Gobang But you must remember
that it will shrink from washing.
Gobang- 50 does the baby.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23
UNREASONABLE.

Giey-Sir, love your daughter
Grumpy Wei, you internal IDIOT,
that's not my fault. Dont you sup pose
would have prevented tiff coald'
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23

Husband-Dont you think you are
rather unreasonable to expect Inc to take
you to ball, stay awake until 4 o'clock,
and then get up at s to go to my work?
Wife, may be II little unreasonable,
but it's perfectly brutal of you to mention
II
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23
ENINAoaDlNAI..LY PJLIrE.

at was sLociins To sec the way Miss
Babblc wIisPefc " said Maud.
"les. repied Mamie. "lf she had
any breeding at all she would know it is
impoile 10 wh,p + in company. lnever
think OF dong such thing
"Ncith ID If hive anything to
say thai don't want to have overheard |
wait until somaboly ge.s up to sing or
play the piano"
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1896-07-23
A FEAriiarso 20 rIA,Isr

'"That there thin chicken with the
drag glei feathers" said the farmer to the
summer boarder, lis the one | call the
Socialist. Know why?"
OF course the boarder didn't know.
"Well, I'll tell you. l call him that
cause he spends so much time chasn'
the other chickens to get their vittlc5
away from en- that he don't find no time
to pick up none hisself."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
Pronunciation of Deaf.

J. W. asks this question: "Is the
pronunciation of deaf as def due to
any other cause than Anglomaniai
Forty years ago, and even less, the
common pronunciation in this country
was 'deef. Webster's Dictionary OF
1856 confirms this statement, and men.
lions that def is common in England.
The same dictionary refers to the rhymes
of Chaucer and Watts to show that the
early pronunciation was def in Eng.
land Also"
The new English dictionary, edited
by ]. A. 81. Murray, thus treats of the
pronunciation of deaf ('def"): "Ths
original diphthong remains in northern
dialects. In standard English the vowe'
was long until the modern period, and
SO late as FITS, it was rhymed with
relief, by Prior and Watts. The pro
nunciation Cdif,' with IL long,) il
still widely diffused dialectically. an6
In the United States. In many English
dialects the ca is still diphthongal,
'deeaf. Boston Journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
The Seed Of Hemp.

Chief Justice Cattlin (157l), from
whom the Spencers, Russells and many
of the greatest English families are de-
scended, when sentencing prisoner
convicted as go between in the CORE
spondence between Mary of Scotland
and the bishop of Ross, thus addressed
him: "The good scotsman hath sowed
in you good gifts, but as it is said in the
gospel, then came the enemy and he
sowed darnel, cookie and noisome
weeds. Such wicked seedsmen have
been in England. If they had sown the
right seed for their own use, the seed of
hemp, and felt of it, then had they re-
ceiyed according to their deserving,
hemp, meet seed for such seedsmen. "
Temple Bar.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
Insnlted over enc Wire.

A telegraph operator el enc Of the
morning papers recently told L 3 good
story of how he got rid of a tco frequent
visitor, whose nightly calls during bust
ness hours had come to be nuisance.
The intruder was also an operator, but
was temporarily out of job. One even.
ing he came in as usual and planted
himself in chair. Receiving no an
swers to his questions, he lapsed into
silence and listened to the steady CLICK
Of the instrument. Suddenly look Of
disgust crossed his face. He arose, glarec
at the operator, who kept ON writing,
turned ON his heel and walked out. This
happened week ago, and he has moi
called since. What was the cause of his
sudden departure? That is easily an
swered. In response to previous re,
quest, the operator at the other end OF
the line sent this message, lis that idiot
with you again acknowledgements
Post
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
Ac1REssgs OF lie sTAeE.
Comments of One Of Their Sex Upon Thei
Dress and Behavior.

Comments of One Of Their Sex Upon Their
Dress and Behavior.
dressed like an actress" is the slur
we often hear cast by woman on
badly dressed member of her own sex.
Men and women alike are too apt to
form their opinions of every one and ev-
erything by the more conspicuous in
stead of by the better side. II we stop
to look at the women ON our New York
stage today, we shall be forced to real
ize that, as is the case in every other
sphere Of life, there are women who
dress we'll and others who dress badly.
"The Broadway freak" is the standard
from which outsiders often judge wom-
en- of the stage. This type Of actress"
seems to court notoriety by her ridicu-
lously exaggerated dress, bleached hair
and rouged face. Outsiders are so igno-
rant of stage people that they are often
surprised to see their favorites appear in
a quiet costume on the street. Again,
actresses are not callous. though some
times young people seem to think SO,
Judging by the loud way they make
their comments at seeing a public person
on the street. One day. Miss George
Cayyan, dressed in her usual quiet way,
was sitting in corner of street car,
while some young girls were excitedly
arguing as to whether or not it was Miss
Cayvan. Naturally annoyed. Miss Cay
van bit her lip, and one OF them ex.
claimed, "That is Miss Cayvan; that is
Just the way she bites her lip" Miss
Cayvan is only one of our many actresses
who dress as lady should on the street.
Miss Mand Adams appears on the
stage in snowy costumes, while on the
street, unless very familiar with her
face, one would think her q pretty
schoolgirl, who had been carefully taught
refinement of manner and dress. Miss
Viola Allen, in her neat street gowns,
passes by one SO quietly that it is not
easy to recognize the clever leading lady
at the Empire. Miss Bessie Tyree al
ways dresses in refined taste. Her gowns
fit her to perfection, and are thoroughly
correct.
Mrs. Kendall is about the best dressed
English actress we know here. The "city
of fogs' has yet more to learn from her
gay sister over the channel. One might
wish that Miss Isabel Irving would be a
little more smart in her dress, and that
Miss Katherine Florence would put up
that pretty hair. Miss Elsie de Wolfe,
when dressed for a reception, almost
surpasses her own handsome stage COS
tunes. Miss Rehan looks rather well of
the stage. even If her chin is o little
high in the air. Miss Maxine Elliott and
her pretty gowns make puzzle as &c
which is the prettier, the actress or the
dress. Who has seen Miss Julia Mar.
lowe, Mrs. Whiffen, Mrs. Walcot OF
Miss Gladys Wallis without learning 8
lesson in taste from her appearance
New York Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
CRACKING BILLIARD BALLS.
Freasish Results Of Blizzard Weather O
ft,e Ivory Globes

the Ivory Globes.
Dudley Kavanagh, the champion of
billiards in the days of the supremacy
Of the cid four ball American game,
talking the other night about the liabil-
ity of ivory billiard balls to crack if not
carefully protected from cold drafts, re-
cited this amusing incident:
about 30 years ago, when kept a
billiard room in Fulton street, got out
box Of worries one winter morning to
do some practicing before my customers
would arrive. had been playing for
about five minutes, when undertook to
make sharp drive with the spot ball.
I struck it fairly in the middle, the cue
going clean through the ball, knocking
out what the experts call the heart or
center of the ball 1t got chilled and
had cracked all around the center. The
ball was ruined for regular playing pur-
poses, but had heaps of fun with it
sfterward. / explained to certain of my
customers, who were jovial sort of fell
lows, fond of joke, that we could make
o joker of the cracked ball.
81 found when / replaced the heart
that the ball had all the appearance of a
sound one, and that the heart would
remain in place until the ball was struck
sharply. These customers, who were
aware OF the secret, would CONG u &C
casionally with other friends and start
a game. When the proper time came,
the man who had been selected as the
victim of the joke would be engaged in
conversation with one of the players,
while another would slyly remove one
of the sound balls when the victim
wasn't looking and replace it with the
cracked ivory.
"'It's your turn, George, one of the
jokers would cry out, and then the vic
tim played. Sometimes on the very first
stroke the player would knock the loose
heart out of place, and pinion the ball
on the tip of his cue. The shot generally
astonished the spectators. Then they
would roar with laughter and applaud
with enthusiasm. The maker of the
mysterious shot was always the most be.
wildered man in the establishment. He
would examine the pinioned ball closely
and then scrutinize the dislodged
heart.
"'Well, George, they told him laugh
ingly, there isn't professional alive
who could beat that shot. It's the great
est on record.
sit was many. many months before
that cracked ball ceased to be source
Of wonder and amusement to the down
town business men. T"
Since Dndley's days in Fulton street,
the same accident has occasionally hap
pened, and Sexton, Tim Flynn, George
Slosson and Maurice DAILY each have
"heartless y billiard balls, which they
keep as curiosities. Hymns specimen
had the "heart" knocked out of it in
game of 10 ball pool, where the player
burst the pyramid inthe effort to pocket
three balls or more ON the opening
stroke. New York Sun.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
Tratns from PhttadeLpIlta and Ne,e

Leave Lambertville for Manunka Chunk SSS,
9.35 M. l.37 5.07 and Sis m. Sunday. 8.13 Ia.
For Phillipsburg and Easton only $50 m week
days.
Leave Frenchtown 904 1911 m, 210 $50 and
8.42 m weekdays. s.42 m Sundays. For Phil
lipsburg and Easton only, 702 p m.
Arrive at Phillipsburg 937 and 1925 a. m, 245 {,
5.58, 1876 and 9.1S p. m. Sunday 9.lS p. NJ.
Leave Phiilipsburg 7.25. 9.42 and 10 40 m, $50.
GOA and 9.23 m. Sunday, 923 m.
Arrive Belvidere 1853, 1906 and 1i07 m, 1924,
6.32 and So m. Sunday, 953 nj.
Arrive Manunka Chunk sos. 1912 and Ills IN,
$50, 6.3s and 1000 m. Sunday, 1000 p nj.
Additional trains leave Belvidere for Manunka
Chunk 100 and $50 m, and 2.25 m. Sunday,
700 m. Returning leave Manunka hunk for
Belvidere BPS. 1915 a m, 430 $40 and 1905 p M.
Sunday. 1905 pm.
Freight or mixed trains leaving Manunka
Chunk at 500 IN, Belvidere 615 m, Martins
Creek 35 m, arriving Lehigh Junction 6 So a m,
will carry passengers and make stops at flag sta
tons north of Phillipsburg. Trains leaving Ma
nunka Chunk at s.25 a m and $50 p NJ, will carry
passengers to Belvidere.
Passengers for Broad Street Station, Philadel-
phia, BY trains leaving Manunka Chunk 7.25 m
daily. and 1920, 52i p m weekdays. and leaving
Phillipsburg 5 co m daily, 715 M and LOO,
5.57 m weekdays go through without change at
Trenton. through car for Manunka Chunk is
attached to trains leaving Broad Street Station at
GOT, s.l4 m, 1900 noon, SO, and Coz M. By all
other trains passengers to or from Broad street
change cars at Trenton.
Connection Is made at Manunka Chunk with
Delaware, Lackawanna & Western Railroad; Lee
high Junction with Lehigh Valley Lehigh d Sus-
quehanns Norris Essex, and New Jersey Contra
Railroads. At Lambertville with Pennington Rail.
road At Trenton with trains to and from Net
York, Camden. &c.
FoTfurther information see time tables, which
san be obtained AT the ticket ofRces.
j. r. WOOD,
General Passenger Agent.
General Manager
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
He Wasn't Speaking.

Small Man lin Pullman car, writing
letter to his wife)-It would afford you
some amusement, my dear, If you could
see the freckle faced, long, lean, gamble
shanked, knock kneed, sneaking, imper
tinent, i'll bred, half baked specimen Of
a backwoods gawky that is looking oven
my shoulder as write this
Large Man Con seat behind fiercely)-
You lie, you little scoun-
Small Man turning round)-Beg par
don. sir, are you speaking to me?
Large Man (confusedly)-Y-no No
I didn't say anything. l wasn't speak
ing. IL
Small man resumes his writing.
Large man goes to the last seat and re-
lieves his mind by saying something te
the flying landscape. Exchange.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
The Elder MIR. Rush,s Great Day.

He is an elderly gentleman of means.
He has a standing high in the church
and has contributed to charities. In the
business world he has secured an honor.
ed place for his firm.
Having resided in Chicago for sc
many years and having contributed gen.
erously, although modestly, to its up
building, it would seem that he should
have reputation. And he did have 0
reputation. The comparative few who
knew him held him in great respect.
But he never really tasted the sweets
of popularity until his son made touch.
down.
Never until his son became a public
character, with his picture i'll all sorts OF
publications and the glory of his deeds
put into display type. did the father
know what it was to hear people whis'
pering to one another: do you see that
old gentleman? Well, he's Mr.. Rush, ia
Their of the great half back. -
Never before did he have people cal
him on the phone and say: "Congratu.
lations, Mr.. Rush. This has been 8
HACdo uays
If he happens in at the athletic club
enthusiastic men, young and old, SEIZE
him by the hand and tell him how ht
ought to be envied, and want to know
if he had anything up ON the game.
Greatness has been thrust upon him.
The name which lay hidden in the
directory for years has suddenly become
household word.
All of a sudden the father finds him
self blinking in glare of reflected
glory.
His son has made touchdown.
He doesn't know how or why the
touch down was made, and secretly he
has no concern as to the condition of hil
sons game ankle, but he finds that
whereas he was nobody he is now the
father of a half back. Chicago Record
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
A Result of Fortune Telling.

The girls employed in one Of the big
department stores Of New York amuse
themselves during lunch hour by telling
each others fortunes in teacups. "Yet-
tie" said one of them the other day,
peering intently into teacup, lis 60
ing to die an old msid. She will be
taken away from home over the water
somewhere. She will go out of her mind.
She-I can t read any more" Then the
gong sounded and the chattering work
ers scattered. Today Yettie is at home
a raving maniac She cries out that she
don't want to be sent over the water.
No one can quiet her fears nor exercise
the evil spirit born Of the folly Of for
tune telling. But new rule has been
posted in the lunch room of the big
store
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
Pleasures of Playing 'If."

Mr.. Ferry-Why on earth do you
spend so much time running around
pricing things you have no notion OF
buying3
Mrs. Ferry-For the same reason, /
suppose, that you sit around reading the
sporting column Of the paper and Agur-
ing up how much you might have won
if you were betting man. 1t is a sort
Of mental diversion. Cincinnati En-
ouirer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
The PIRATES DREAM.
"ouien var" cries the captain, with fac

"Quien var" cries the captain, with face
aghast,
As the palms sing low in the autumn blast
The song of the dead and crime stained past.
The Captain Nunez haggard and wild,
starts from his seat like frightened child.
" IT'S the ghost Of the padre of Santa Fe
You robbed and killed on the fifth OF Mayl"
fsWhose face is that in the wine bowl red
That mods and beekons and shakes his head2''
" TITS the merchant Gomez of Albuquerque,
Whose heart was the sheath Of the captain g
dirk
tWhat CLEANS so white in the canyon deep,
Where the stream flows black and the walls are
steepf"
/" TITS Sergeant Bias Of the guardia civil,
Who was shot in the back at Baraquil.
"And who are your" cries the captain, pale,
And the answer comes through the moaning
gale.
HI come to claim my load of SIM
And Diablo gathered the captain in.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
How He Was Cured.

A Lewiston man borrowed neigh.
boris battery for treatment Of his rheu,
matism. After he had been cured by APP.
plication of the battery he discovered
that he had never turned ON the current
once. He had simply taken hold Of the
handles, and faith did the rest. --Au.
gusta ME Journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
A New Woman of Oregon.

A hustling woman hotel keeper Of
Burns, Or, who is credited with being
one of the best looking as we'll as most
successful hotel keepers in eastern Ore
gon. advertises in a recent issue of the
local newspaper that she will not be re-
sponsible hereafter for any debts con-
tracted by her husband or her son.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25
Rare Enough.

Landlady-Do you like your steal
rare, MIR. BOARDING.?
Mr.. B.-No rarer than it is, madam
Detroit Free Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1896-03-25

The altar of roses is obtained by alb
stracting from rose leaves che volatile
oil they contain and condensing it in
masses of cotton batting.