Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-07-06


Dukane-I never believe the things
hear in barber shop. Gaswell-Why
not? Dukane-It is all hair-say.-
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
"Louise, where does the intellectual
exercise come in in playing whist?"
"Oh, in getting other people to pay at
tentioH to the game."-Chlcago Record.
Mother-No, Bobby; money doesn't
make folks happy-but I'll tell you
what does. Bobby-I know, ma; it's
the stuff what you get with it.-Judge.
"Don't you think that Charity is a
queer title for your new book?" mot
at all. Charity begins at home, you
know. w."-Philadelphia North American.
Mrs. Wickwire-W don't you ever
wash your face? Dismal Dawson
Don't want the sun to git chance
to spile me compleXion.-Indian
Journal.
after all, man is generous being"
eyes, he is; | never saw husband
yet who wouldn't let some other man
teach his wife to ride n wheel."-Chi-
cago Record.
To Fit the Appetite.-"What do you
charge for board?' "Do you ride a
bicycle" eyes; what difference does
that make?" It'll be 81 more a week!'
Chicago Record.
Reporter-Here's bit of news that
is scoop. City Editor-What Is it?
Reporter-The shovel manufacturers
ln1 H.. Il IL.
North American.
Hipson-Layson is the LATEST man
l know. Juggles-Is that so? Hipson
Yes. Why, that man won't even
carry life insurance. - Philadelphia
North American.
Doctor" said the anxious mother,
"William can hardly speak above
whisper" ''Indeed? Has he taken
cold, or did he go to the ball game?"-
Washington Star.
Generally That's the Hardest of
Work.-"Uncle Tom, what is executive
ability" "Its knowing how to make
other people work without doing any
thing yourself."-Chicago Record.
1t is not the proper thing to say that
man will make a good husband. 1t
Is the wife who makes the good hus-
band. The bad ones only are the self
made article.-Boston Transcript.
He-"You should not worry so much
about dress. Set your mind on higher
things" She-"I had set my mind on
higher things than you seem willing
to buy for me" e."-Indianapolis Journal.
He-"Oh, dear! l wish l could get
hold of some good biscuits like mother
used to make for mer' She-"And
wish could get some good clothes like
father used to buy for "--Indianap-
oils Journal.
"rhe trees are leaving" remarked
Mrs. Snaggs. Nevertheless, they are
not packing their trunks" replied Mr..
Snaggs, who objected to his wife's
coined verb."-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
Its TERRIBLE" he said, "to see the
way one member of Congress after an
other gets unseated." "Well," his wife
answered, ''it serves them right for
giving in to the bicycle craze" ."-Kansas
City Star.
Lieut.. Peril am afraid you couldn't
stand the rigor of an Arctic expedi-
ton. You never have been on one be-
fore, have your Travole-"No, but [
have spent winter in an English
hotel."-Life.
Marry that-that-" She hesitated.
No word seemed strong enough to
adequately express her contemp..
why, marry that-thing? Marry a
man that rides tricycle.? ?"-Washing-
ton Evening Times.
"Bobbie, you are perfectly awful to-
day; and just when grandma is visit
ing us, too" "Well, ma, it's only to
please you. You told me the other day
that you thought kept my good man.
ners for visitors only."-Harper's Ba-
| Zar.
But why did you refuse Prof. Grueb-
ling, Miss Melane? He is such an able
and noted mathematician" ''That's
just the reason! He would always be
mathematically demonstrating the
errors of my millner's s,"-Humor-
istiche Blaetter.
Il suppose when you were In the
White Mountains last summer you en-
joyed the echoes very muchT "No,
didn't. | went to hear them with
Charlie Hillard, and when they repeat
| ed what he said they really bored me
very much."-Harper's Bazaar.
Courtier-"Has your majesty read
the History of the Sixteenth Dynasty
by the royal historian? 1t is a master.
piece" The King of Egypt-"Truly 1t
is, but he ought to boil it down. 1t is
! long enough to cover three pyramids,
and he knows / can't spare him more
| than ne."-Truth.
| Mrs. Wurrey Ito police captain)-
"Have you found any trace of my boy?
He's been away all day, and | can't
| find out anything as to his where
abouts." Police Captain--"Rest easy.
madam. Describe the boy and well