The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1896-04-01
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
BROTHER GARDNER NAMES SOME
THINGS THAT DON'T LOOK RIGHT.

announced
"Dar am seb'ral things dat doan' look
zactly right to me-" said Brother Gard
ner as he rubbed his bald head with
one hand and opened the meeting with
the other.
"It doan' look zactly right to see one
man wuth $40, 1000, 900 an anoder with
only 10 cents [applause by Samuel
shin], but yit if I was de $4,000, 600
man I wouldn't keer wheder it looked
right or not. [Sudden end to the ap-
plause.
"It doan' look zactly right fur one
man to own great foundry, while an
oder man am obleeged to work fur him
fur So a day ['Hear, hear, from Judge
Cadaverl, but if wus de 50 day man
I wouldn't frow myself out Of a job to
spite de owner or to please a dema-
gogre. 1.-The judge subsides.]
"It doan' look zactly right to see one
man hold offs all de time, while anoder
man has to shove jackplane fur lib
in [great rustic in Pickle Smiths cor
ner], but he who shoves de jackplane
has de respeck Of de community an
keeps outer Jail. Rustic dies away.]
"It doan' look zactly right to see
fo'ty lawyers rush to defend criminal
who has stolen money in his pockets,
while an offender who am moneyless
am left to dig his way frew ten foot
wall wild an ole knife blade [grins on
dozen facesl, but if I was lawyer
should airn my money any oder way e1-
cept by sawin wood. De public doan'
look fur any partickler display Of con-
science on de part of lawyers, an dar,
fore suffer no disapp'intments. [Grlns
no longer observable.
"It doan' look zactly right fur one
man to have big brick house an anode1
man rough bod shanty, but long bout
tax time de man in de shanty kin sit on
de fence an chuckle over de fack dat he
hain't rich.
cit doan' look 'zactly right to see
one man 60 pushin an swellin an crowd
in everybody else off de sidewalk to let
de public know dat he am king bee,
but such men have to carry de anxiety
of bein in debt to de tailor an Of dodg'
in de grocer, an Of subscribin $25 tc
build church widout hope of bein
able to pay 10 cents on de dollar.
"In fack, my friends, dar am heaps
an heaps O. things dat doan' look zactly
right to us at fust glance, but when 20
come to figger it up an divide an sub
tract we've all got heap to be thank
full fur an to encourage us to git up air
" in de mawin. A man kin brace his
legs an lay back like mule an kick
away at de hull world an hate every
body an be hated in return, or he kin
pick up sartin crumbs Of consolashun,
crowd inter a seat in de back eand of de
wagon, an take a heap Of comfort,
KNOWN dat somebody is wuss off dar
hissef. Let us accumulate TO bizness. u
Election.
Sir Isaac .Walpole shifted the peach
stone which he held in his mouth fol
earache over to the other side and went
his rounds with the beanbox, and the
secretary found a clear horizon for the
following candidates: Fractional Smith,
Hesitation Baxter, Lord Thomas White,
Buckingham Juneberry, Elder Wait
ham and Sixday Foster.
For Cause.
The following candidates were reject
ed for the causes named:
Smart Old Smith of Union Springs,
Ala, for walking 13 miles to see dog
fight. This club never goes over a mile
and a half to enjoy such spectacle,
and then always rides in hack.
Comprehensive Baker Of Lynchburg,
Va, for having charged 40 per cent in
terest on money loaned to poor wom-
an. This club doesn't object to 10 per
cent on money borrowed to 60 to a cir
Gus, but the man who grasps beyond
that must and shall be rebuked.
A Moral Lesson.
Trustee Pullback here arose and NOV
ed that $25 be appropriated for the pur-
chase of looking glass for Paradise hall.
No one supported the motion, and after
a moment of deep silence the president
remarked:
"Brudder Pullback, dat moshun am
not only a milo an half outer order,
but it betrays a malicious sentiment
dat mus be sot down on at all hazards
When dis Limekiln club becomes so
purity an 80 filled up wild vanity dat de
bizness of de United States Of America
mus be neglected to stan befo' lookln
glass an smile at ourselves, it will be
time to disband. I shall fine yo' 81, 700
and costs !'
Trustee fell back with suddenness
that Jared the whole building, and
during the rest of the session he was
busy figuring how much cash he would
have left to squander on Christmas pres
ents.
They Are.
A communication from Louisville in
quired if Professor Lyon & Co. of that
city, who advertise to do calcimining in
eight different shades, were members OF
the Limekiln club.
II kin testimony dat dey air." re-
piled the president in answer. "Pro-
fessor Lyon am not only one Of de best
men to stretch carpet seben inches dat
I eber saw, but he has invented six diff
ferent ways of mixin whitewash to imi-
tate de lie colors of de ole masters. l
doan' believe dat Shakespeare, Nero or
Capting Kidd could hold candle to
him hangin paper or touchin up CEN
terpiece."
Pickles Denies It.
A communication from Holdfast Hug
gins of Norfolk inquired if he could Sc