Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-10-08
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about polltics?" Eyes, think he does.
He has had several chances to run for
Office and didn't do it."-Washington
Star.
"Man," she bitterly exclaimed, sis
dominated by the almighty dollar"
"And woman" he rejoined with spirit,
"by the almighty 90 cents."-Detroit
Tribune.
The reason why the average woman
appears as old at 30 as the average
man does at 40 is because the average
woman at 80 is usually about 40.-L. A.
w. Bulletin. -,
Husband-"My! how you did snore
last night. / couldn't sleep" Wife,
why didn't you wake me up?" Il
thought you were making enough noise
us 1t was."-Up-to-Date.
Minister-"And do you believe that
your greatest troubles come from
heaven" Deaoon-"Well, they say
that's where marriages are made
Yonkers, NY. Statesman.
II wonder why the widows always
get the best Of the race for husbands )"
asked the fool young man. 'sThey are
faster, guess" replied Miss Ann
,Shent.-Cincinnatl Enquirer.
Jack-"I boosted before was tempt
ed, and now" TomA"Now you're
wondering what you boosted about"
Jack-"Not at all. I'm wondering
where In thunder I'll get some moro
temptation. Truth.
Senior-"True, this is not one Of the
great universities, being only a COM
nlercial college; but, really, think we
should have a characteristic cry"
Freshman-"What's the matter with
Cash! Puck.
You're wicked, lazy tramp" shout
Ell the red-faced woman. Madam"
rcjoined the tourist, calmly, II decline
to be drawn into any controversy. You
will take notice that do not claim to
be a June bride."-Detroft Tribune.
Hoax-"My wife and some Of her
friends are going to organize secret
society" Joax-"Nonsense! The idea
Of women in secret society" Hoax
"You misunderstood. They are to meet
to tell secrets. "-Philadelphia Record.
Talk Of man." roared the female
emancipator What has man ever
done for woman?" Furnished a model
for her to initiate" said a voice in the
rear Of the hall, and then an awful
quiet reigned.-Adams, Mass, Free
man.
Young Wife-"We are told to cast
our bread upon the waters and 1T will
return after many days." Brute hus-
band-"Yes, but don't you try 1t; it
would take diver and pair Of grap-
pling irons to return yours. "-Up-to-
Date.
An ,Atchison girl started out the first
os the year with a resolve to say moth
ing, but always look interested and
sympathetic. The other girls are still
wondering what makes her so sudden
ly popular with everyone.-Atchison
Globe.
about that Patrick Henry you were
alludin to in your speech-the one that
said, Give me liberty or give me
DEATH" Candidate--"What about
i;m?" Citizen-"Did he get his di-
,orce?'-Puck.
He-"Yas; went to the Pandemorar
the other evening. Awfully jolly COM
pany they've got there; the Sisters
I'rilby, awfully good girls" She
Are they goodT He-"Well, I don't
know about that, but they're awfully
clever"-Sketch.
A-Now, II l understand correctly,
the first principle of socialism is to d.
vide with your brother man. B-Then
you don't understand 1t correctly. The
first principle of socialism is to make
your brother man divide with you.-
Birmingham Post.
Museum Manager-You want a job,
eh? What is your speciality. Weary
Wiggins-I'm de human snake. Muse
um Manager-A contortionist, Ell?
Weary Virgins (scornfully)-No, sir!
No sech chestnut. I gorge and den
lie torpid for days and days, like a
snake does.-Truth.
Husband-"Here they have brought
me an account for ball costume; how
is thatY Wife-"Oh, don't you re-
member? 1t Is for the green dress l
wore last year at the ball when We first
met" Husband-..S-oO-o!,a and now I
am expected to pay for the net with
which was caught. 'Annunziatore.
The stout man wiped or his forehead.
"Yes, l was good deal run down be-
fore got n bicycle" he said; "but
now" he added, determinedly gripping
the handles and taking aim at an old
lady crossing the street, lit Is the other
people who are that way" The old
lady was piled up in the gutter.-New
York Recorder.
II shall not see you again. my dear,
for some time. am going on the Con-
tinent for couple of months" "In-
deed! Does your husband go with
your "No. Business matters necessi-
tate his staying in town." "And doesn't
he object to your going away and leav-
ing him behind alone?" "Not In the
least" Then II you take my advice, as
a married woman who has had more
experience than you have, you will stay
at home."-Judy.
The White Cow (gleefully)-Did you
see that young city fellow out with the
city girl, gathering wild flowers? The
Muley Cow--Yes; they go through the
pasture here every day. The White
Cow-Well, he had them in his straw
hat, and when they sat on the stile to