The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-12-23

can be so wise. Then comes:
You had a mother"
This is a corker too, for the average
sucker who has paid for what he is
getting.
The next information is that you are
in trouble; that you have had trouble
or are going to have trouble, which Is
about the same. The information is
always given that you are going to
make some money and bury a dear
friend and all that sort of rot, when
if one would gather his wits he could
see ali that before going inside.
1t is arrant humbug, but the people
should not be permitted to allow them
selves to be swindled
Mark Twain tells story about Wis
iting a clairvoyant who looked or
peered into the future, with view to
| getting some information about dear
friend who met a violent end in a
] cyclone. The clairvoyant, medium, or
whatever it was, went into the trance
and then a dialogue something like this
ensued:
when did you die?"
Mark said he asked this question for
mere purpose of Identification, but the
spirit coppered his question by reply
ing, through the clairvoyant OF course:
Il did not die; 1 passed away"
''Oh, that's all right, replied Twain,
cit cuts no figure with us what you
call it; when did you pass away?"
''M-m-m- m-m--m-m," and then the
clairvoyant replied that spirits had no
dates, all same as on earth.
Are you happy"
"Oh, so happy"
What do you eat?'
I'VE don't eat
What do you drink"
I'VE don't drink"
What do you smoker
I'VE don't smoke
'.Oh, yes" replied Twain, Il had
forgotten your location"
well, then" resuming, what do
you do to pass away the time?"
I'VE talk with each other and relate
how happy We are
At this juncture Mark declared that
he believed he was talking to the wrong
ghost, and he determined to satisfy
himself. So he said:
"On earth you and I were good
friends, if you are the spirit l am look
ing for. Now, tell me; when you died did
you die, or pass away. as the victim of
a casualty, or did you die natural
death?"
The spirit had a wrestle with the
clairvoyant, and finally, after much
contortion, replied:
Natural death
Twain called the clairvoyant a liar
and retired.
But that seance was as sensible as
any.
The biggest syndicate in America
dealing in articles for the press. has
written to Colonel Shaughnessy asking
for a full account of the recent buffalo
hunt. with photographs and sketches
of the bison and the hunters. Colonel
Shaughnessy has turned the matter
over to Martin Lannan, who will dele
gate the task to Alexander Miller,
whose brilliant articles have frequently
appeared in The Herald.
@ g @
This is the time of the year when
all the charity in mems hearts is ap-
pealed TO. Tom Kearns is one who
never let's the season go by without
weaving a few rainbows in the skies of
those less fortunate, and he COM
menced operations yesterday by send
ing down an order for dozen of the
finest turkeys to be found in the city
for st. AIMS orphanage-
@ @ @,
OF all the office-holders whose fate
it is to walk the plank on Jan. 4,
none will do so with better grace than
Sheriff Hardy and those employed
under him. The sheriff never took any
stock in the election contest, but on the
contrary, like Judge Street. avowed his
intention of vacating in favor of the
person who was elected to succeed him,
on the theory that the man who re-
ceiYed the most votes was entitled to
the office. Notwithstanding the sheriff
ana his aids retire with the old year
they will have a Christmas tree just
the same and it is now blooming in the
Office in the basement of the city and
county building. It's not very large
tree, but the gifts hanging on its
branches are so light in weight and
small in value that monarch of the
forest is not really necessary. 1t is a
puny little sapling but holds a present
for everyone in the office but Guthrie,
and he gets left unless some old thing
can be found for him. Guthrie has adj
vertised his star of office, a pair of
and a six shooter for sale.
He is going out of business.
The sheriff gets a jewsharp, which
he is going TO play when he heads the
procession of officeholders as they
walk out of the city and county build
ing on jan 4. Chief Deputy Clark
gets a handsome steel table fork, a
little the worse for wear, but quite
a useful article which, with a knife to
match, would do great execution on a
not too tough beefsteak. Head Bailiff
Booth comes in for an eight-penny nail,
free from rust and in good
Miss Bartlett's name is APP
pended to a handsome label for Seal of
North Carolina tobacco, and Deputy
Thomas. receives a corn-cob pipe, not
quite new but in such condition that it
win wear for a good while with proper
care. For Gibbs. the lucky man. the
tree holds d superb golden horseshoe,
weighing about two pounds, solid gold
Sandberg gets a pair of shoe laces to
match dem golden slippers, dat he
wears, which look so neat. For Steele /
there is a sealed letter from Sheriff !