Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1896-11-20
BETTER THAN
CUPlD'S BOW.
PHRENOMETER ALWAYS MAKES
HAPPY WEDDINGS.
Prof. WindSOr's Science of Divorce
Involves Acid and Alkali, Eiec-
trIcity and Magnetism, aud Just
u Dash of Bumps on the Head.

science. Prof. Windsor, OF the Wind
sor University, Washington, ID. c., has
evolved the science of divorce. To
him there is no mystery in domestic
infclicities When the most withered
maiden in the congregation is utterly
at a loss to explain why young Mrs.
ForCeps is passing the winter in Chi
cago on the plea that she could not
stand the Minnesota Winds when the
withered wisacre cOnfesses that "the
doctor was such a lovely man himself >
that he always supported his wife
handsomely; and that until recently
they seemed to think the world of
each other, even then Prof. Windsor
is not perplexcd. He asks for per-
sonal description of DIR. and Mrs.
FOrceps. He says, "most natural
thing in the worldw He reasons
briefly: can acid man without an
alkali wife! How could any one ex-
pect to be happy when he lacked all
receptivity for his radiation?" OF
course, simplest, most necessary result
imaginable.
But when Prof. Windsor takes down
his phrenometer he reveals a sub
stantial basis for his admirable COM
prehension of the science of divorce
and the complementary art of con-
jugal love. Because the phrenometer
is, indeed, a "mind measure" 1t
is also disposition tape measure. 1t
looks like the contrivance by which a
halter estimates the correct dimen-
sions of your derby. But the phre-
is more complicated. Roughly
speaking, it is series Of combined
callipers traversing the outlines of the
skull and held in precise and close ad-
justment to the head by small knobs
entering the orifices of the ears.
Prof. Windsor will take snap shots
at character of the young and grow
ing; to lining series of public lee
lures this week. His principal objects
are to improve the character of the
young and growing; to inform in
quirers in what occupation they would
succeed the best; to improve the
and to tell the married how
they may elude divorce.
The professor is not a simple bump
ist. Bumps have their value. Far is
he from despising the lumpy head of
that plaster paris genius whose cram
ial indications have guided the foot
steps of the chronological profession.
But" says Prof. Windsor, "There
are more things in heaven and earth,
thou bald and clown-faced paragon,
than are drempt of in thy bumpti-
tude."
ELECTRICITY AND MAGNETISM
Are two of these things. Perhaps
they are, broadly speaking, all ofthese
things and every ;hing else. For the
professors science is, to large ex-
tent, based upon certain assumptions
that have resulted from long study.
One assumption is that in absolute
space, such as in the interstellar
regions, there is nothing but cleo
tricity, accompanied by absolute dark
hess, GOODNESS, gravity and receptivity.
But every organic object, whether
man or a molecule is filled with mag
netism, whose constant tendency is to-
wards radiation, vibration, and, hence,
to the production of heat and light.
is always radiating in cur
rents towards electricity. The cur
rent of a trolley line or of an electric
light is magnetic, not an electric
current. Only magnetism moves.
is passive, motionless.
These universal facts explain by
analogy the human temperaments.
Speaking generally, a brunette pos
sesses darkness, also possesses elec-
tricity, coldness, a grave disposition,
and receptive tendency. She should
marry, for the eternal harmony of the
universe and the breakfast table,
blonde husband, that he may radiate
and vibrate towards her, into her
soul, all his congenial heat and light.
The chemical characteristics are no
less important, though, as yet, but
little understood. The professor had
in this direction profted from the
Iabors of certain Washington students
in occult science. As combination OF
alkali and acid produces the ideal
felicitious effervesence of champagne,
SO the joys of matrimony would bub-
BILE over from the unison of an alkali
maiden with an acid youth. AS
rule that person is acid whose facial
contour from the top of the forehead
to the neck across the tip of the nose
is convex, rather than concave;
whose features and limbs are likewise
and who has fair complexion
or light hair. On the other hand a
dish. faced individual, with physical