The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1896-07-22
HumOr in Epitaph.

Humor in Epitaph.
In the churchysrd of st. John,
Worcester, is an epitaph which, if
brevity is the soul of wit, has high
claim on that character:
Honest John
Is dead and gone.
Here are some miscellaneous gro
tesques:
Here lies me and my three daughters,
Brought here by using Cheltenham waters.
If we had stuck to EPSON salts
We wouldn't be in these here vaults
From a New Hampshire cburchyard:
To all my friends bid adeu,
AS was leading the old mare to drink,
She kicked and killed me qucker'n wink.
On an East Tennessee lady:
She lived life of virtue and died of cholera
blessed INN ortaIfty at Che early age of ii years
months and IS days. Reader, " Go thou and do
The following was composed by three
Scotch friends to whom the person
commemorated had left legacy, with
the hope expressed that they would
honor him by some record of their re-
grets. The first friend composed the
line which naturally opened the epitaph:
Provost Peter Patterson was Provost of Dundee.
The second added:
Provost Patterson, here lies he.
The third could suggest no other
conclusion than:
Halelujah Halelujeel
The following must be taken as a
fling at a noble profession:
Here lies the corpse of Dr. Chard,
Who filled the half of this churchyard
This is as bad as the unkind hint
conveyed in the following in church
yard near Newmarket:
Here lies the body Of Sarah Sexton.
Who never did aught to
Not like the woman under the next stone.
Domestic troubles have been laid
bare on the tombstone from the time
of the Greeks and Romans. Here is a
piece of atrocious doggerel to be seen
in Selby churchyard, in Yorkshire:
Here lies my wife, sad slattern and shrew;
If said regretted her, should lie too.
The following, which frequently ap.
pears in collections of epitaphs, are not
credited to any locality and may be
mere wandering bits of epigrammatic
misogynism:
This dear little spot is the Joy of my life,
1t raises my flowers and covers my wife.
am not grleved, my dearest life,
Sleep on-Pve got another wife;
Therefore cannot come to thee,
For Unjust go and live with She
My wifes dead and hear she lies,
No man laughs and no man cries;
Nobody knows and nobody cares
Here lies my poor wife, without bed or blanket,
But dead as a door nail and God be thankit.
In the following the tables are
turned:
| Here lies he body al Mary Ford
Whose - sc, soul we trust is with the the Lord;
| IT'S better than being John Fords wife.
Intentional drolleries frequently take
the form of puns. Among these should
rank the epitaph on Mr.. Foote of
Norwich:
Here lies one Foote, whose death many thousands
For Death hath now one foot within the grave.
And the one on Mr.. Box:
Here lies one Box within another.
| The one of wood was very good
| We cannot say so much for t'other.
Also the famous one of Sir John
Strange:
Here lies an honest lawyer,
That is Strange
This is from an old churchyard at
Yonkers:
Here lies the body of Jacobus Straw,
When he died the devil cried:
| Jacob, give us your paw"
A "happy conceit " it was doubtless
thought in 1910 to write over member
of parliament named White:
Here lies John, a burning, shining light,
Whose name life, actions all alike were Whitel
The following is by Swift on the
Earl of Kildare:
| Who killed Kildare? whe dared Kildare to kill?
| Death killed Kildare-who dare kill whom he will
Here are a few miscellaneous eX'
amples, the first on a Mr.. Fish:
Worms are bait for fish. but here's a sudden change
Fish is bait for wormsis not that passing strange?
On William William Button in churchyard
o sun, moon, stars and ye celestial polesl
Are graves, then, dwlndled into button-holes?
On Foote, the comedian:
Foote from his earthly stage, alas, is hurled
Death took him off, who took off adj the world
Is the satire in the following ex
amples Intentional?
Maria Brown, wife Of Timothy Brown, aged 8
years. She lived with her husband fifty years ant
died in the confidential hope of a better Iife.
Here lies Bernard Lightfoot, who was accidental,
killed in the 45th year of his age. This monumen
was erected by his grateful family.
Current Literature.