Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-03-07
SEEDS THAT CAME

Mr.. Theophtlus Jones is a familiar figure
about the Capitol, but while I understood
that he had a claim before Congress never
became personally acquainted with him un
til recently. He met me in a corridor oil
the Capitol last week and, approaching In
cautious manner, said:
The unholy business is to begin again."
(Which unholy business?' inquired.
why, Congress is going to compel the
Secretary of Agriculture to distribute some
more Seeds" he replied. do you see me
sir, ragged and forlorn? It was seeds tina,
did it, and Congress hasn't allowed my
claim for damage yet You know about my
claim, of course
l moved away, and he said:
Walt a moment. I'd like to tell YOU
some facts about House bill 1873 Forty.
rfnth Congress, for the relief of Theophilus
Jones. I've got all the correspondence here
ard If you'll sit down a minute I'll prove
that I am right"
took seat between two pillars at the
side OF the passage as requested, and the
sufferer related the following tale in an
earnest. confidential manner:
In March of 1875 1 wrote a letter to the
Department of Agriculture, asking for
seeds. This would appear to be a harmless
thing, but the iconoclastic reconducibility
or the then existing form of government
lald It's hold upon me and brought me to
my present condition Of inferiorness of al
titude."
The language of the speaker seemed OBJ
scure and Incorporate and he appeared to
be excited. 1t was unwse to irritate him
further, however. by attempting to leave
just at that time, and he proceeded:
"A copy OF that letter is now in my pos
session in this package. 1 asked for some
garden seeds and grass seed Mark the
words, garden seeds and grass seed. l did
Tot, and l make the statement without
mental reservation, 1 did not ask for any
nonstrosities and abnormalities of vegeta-
hle growth. The department about the end
OF the month sent me a large package AT
the time l asked for those seeds l was a
prosperous man. living in a small western
town and owning garden patch in the
rear OF my house and a yard in front.
told my wife that l would have that year
garden and yard to be proud of, and
which would be the envy of all the neigh
bCrs.
$50 planted the seeds in the garden. all
SO the contents Of the package marked 1.-The
Pride of Moorland Grass Seed in the front
yard. The package had a request printed on
us back, asking me to report results to the
department. l was willing to accommodate
the government in a little thing like that,
ana awaited for an opportunity to tell it
about the grass seed. AS you will see by
this note made twelve days later. the yard
ar that lime appeared to be breaking out
III spots. Up to that time l was happy
man, and the salubrty of concomitant re-
caticonation of antheridium had not made
its appearance in my life.
These spots l refer to broke out as
said. about the 18th of April. The ground
heaVed up in pmples, and folks began to
ask me did my yard have the hives
Things went on that way for some time,
commenced to peep out of the pimples
On April "A a man asked me what kind of
bald-headed foliage was l trying to Guilt
yate, and they put me in jail for three
10 u-hn ,.a11 cod
the things had enlarged to some extent
and l wrote 4 letter to the Department of
Agriculture asking for compensation for
the time spent in jail, and also informa-
ton about the plants.
THE department replied in this letter, as
you can see, that, owing to an insufficient
appropriation, they could not give me the
money asked for. and that the scientist of
the establishment was of the opinion that
my plants were anamolous angiocarpus,
and appeared to be sui generis. The de-
partment also advised me to let them grow
in the interest of science. and make a
further report. This reply was more dele
ferrous in its character than l had eX-
pected. and dug up the plants. l told the
department in sharp letter that l was
not going to raise any sui generises for it
or anybody else. can prove all this to the
satisfaction of any committee.
Although l dug up the plants one day,
they would grow up again during the
night, and the same old white monstrosi-
Finding that the plants reappeared each
night, l decided to let them alone awhile,
and see what would happen. About week
after / reached this decision they had at
tanned a height of fifteen inches, and
smelled like a glue factory. I then bought
several books on botany, and after con-
sulting scientists began to suspect that
the plants belonged to the order of hymen-
omycetes. That, however, did not prevent
them from smelling like a glue factory as
l said before. and began digging them up
again. This I continued to do for the rest
of the summer, meanwhile continuing my
correspondence with the department This
l considered the most unmerited inflction
of detrimental laboriousnesS ever puI upon
any individual, and l SO informed the de-
partment.
Finally, the whole dastardly conspiracy
was revealed in letter which l received
stated that, through clerical error, you
were. sent some seeds of new species of
mushroom from Central Africa, packed in
sawdust 1t was the purpose of this de-
partnent to conduct experiments looking
to the availability of this plant for the
markets of the United States You evil
IDENTIFY sowed the sawdust and mushroom
spawn under the impression that it was
grass seed. While the department regrets
that a mistake has been made it is made
clear by your correspondence that this
for our markets, and the department will
not make further experiments.
Then 1 had the Representative from my
district introduce bill in Congress for my
relief, tc recompenSe for time and
money spent in digging up those rlush-
rooms, which died, by the way late in the
fall"