The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-11

retro to rest, but the night would be
cursed with horrid dreams of the Scythi-
ans and White River Utes peeling off his
epidermis and throwing him into O boil
ing caldron with red pepper and other
counter irritants, while they danced the
Highland fling around this royal bar-
becue.
Even his own wife and children were
forbidden to enter his presence for fear
that they would put "barn arsenic" in
the blanc mango, or "Cosgrove arsenic"
III the pancakes, or paris green in the pie.
During his reign he had constructed
an immense subterranean oayernous mr.
rangement called the Ear Of Dionysius,
because it resembled in shape and gen.
eral telephone power the human ear. It
was the largest ear on record. One day
workman expressed the desire to erect
a similar ear of tin or galvanized iron
on old Di himself. Some one 'blowed
On him, and the next morning his head
was humping about in the waste paper
basket mt the general office. When one Of
the king subjects, who thought he was
solid with the administration. would
say, Beyond the possibility of doubt,
your most serene highness is the kind
and loving guardian Of his people and
the idol of his SUBJECTS" his royal tall
ness would say "What you givin us? Do
you wish to play the most sublime over
seer of the universe and general ticket
agent plenipotentiary for Chinaman?
Ha! You cannot fill up the king of Svra-
cuse with taffy" Then he would order
the chief executioner to run the man
through the royal sausage grinder and
throw him into the Mediterranean. In
this way the sausage grinder was kept
running night and day. and the chief
engineer who run the machine made
double time every month
CHAPTER II.
will now bring in Damon and Pyth-
las.
Damon and Pythias were named after
popular secret organization because
they were so solid on each other They
thought more of one another than any
body. They borrowed chewing tobacco,
and were always sociable and pleasant.
They slept together. and unitedly ''stood
Oft the landlady from month to month
in the most cheerful and harmonious
manner. If Pythias snored in tho night
like the blast of fog horn, Damon did
not get mad and kick him in the stom-
ach as some would. He gently hit firm
~ took him by the nose and lifted him
up and down to the merry rhythm of
1.-The Babies In Our Block -
They loved enc another in season and |
out of season. Their affection was like
the soft bloom on tho rose of Wyo-
m lar II l..
wilted. 1t was always there. If Damon |
were at tho bat, Pythias was on deck. If |
Damon went to church fair and in |
vited starvation, Pythias would 90, too,
and vote on the handsomest baby till the |
First National bank of Syracuse would |
refuse to honor his checks.
But one day Damon got too much |
bulge and told the venerable and colos.
sal old royal hummer of Syracuse what |
he thought of him. Then Dionysius told |
the chief engineer of the sausage grinder |
to turn on steam and prepare for bust
ness. But Damon thought of Pythias, |
and how Pythias hadn't SO much to live |
for as he had, and he made compro-
mise by Offering 70 put Pythias in soak |
while the only genuine Damon went to |
see his girl, who lived at Albany. Three
days were given him to get around and |
redeem Pythias, and if he failed his |
friend would go to protest
CHAPTER III.
We will now suppose three days to |
have elapsed since the preceding chapter
A large party of enthusiastic citizens Of |
Syracuse are gathered around the grand |
stand, and Pythias is on the platform
cheerfully taking off his coat Near by
stands man with a broadax The SYRIA
cuse silver cornet band has just played |