New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1896-04-26
STORIES OF JOHN STETSON.
THE BREADTH AND DEPTH OF HIS
IGNORANCE f'

bnEADlH AMI LEI In VI @eSS
IGNORANCE. o.
There is a man born now and then with sort Of
humorous silver spoon In his mouth. Uninterrupted
good fortune a humorist smiles on him through
life and that too, with no seeming effort OF his own
He somehow acquires an early reputation for say.
ing doing funny things. which. once gained notn'
ing can take away. All the jokes in his line OF MS
generation. and often some OF earlier and later SEN
eratons, are credited to him, and nobody cares 70
dispute the honor Collectors Of Jokes are ready to
accept Joe Miller Joe Miller, but no literary
scholar believes that he originated all the jests in
his alleged book Anybody think for himself Of
two or three similar examples In the present nall.
century, and. so. IL Is not likely tnat John
Stetson really said all or half the amusing
things that were attributed to him. They were good
storles-some OF them-and they were told OF Stet-
son. jest as the story OF adding while Rome burned
was told of Nero not because they were true, out
to show what kind Of man Setson was.
The stories which II thought proper to nx
upon John Stetson those which exhibited any
broad comprehensive and picturesque ignorance he
was an ignorant man. doubt; ignorant enough.
perhaps to say all the things that 1t was ever said
that he said. but the chances are that he did not
gay them all. But the stories are none the worse
for that. Years ago Sophocless "Oedlpus Tyrannus'
was played by the students OF Harvard College, ana
excited great comment throughout the country. 1t
was discussed one evening at dinner at which
Stetson was present, and he cheered the company
by announcing that he had contracted with Sopho-
cles for the writing OF new play. to be produced
by him the following season.
This story belongs in the class as some
what more elaborate Stetson once took possess
sion of new theatre and discovered in the lobby
picture that did not meet his artistic tastes rake
that picture down." he said.
But Mr. Stetson," somebody demonstrated that
picture was painted by Michael Angelo"
Michael who?' said Stetson.
Michael Angelo"
well, take it down." said stetson land discharge
Angelo l won't have any of these foreign scene
painters around my theatre; I'm going to employ
Americans"
This so amused those who heard II that they at
once told the incident to friends OF Stetson ana
themselves and among them was Jack Haverly.
the famous negro minstrel manager. Haverly do
not laugh when he heard It, but simply looked pug
zled. He thought for a few moments. and then
faint smile came into his face, and he said 'Oh,
yes. see; there amt no such person as Michael
Angelor
This answer was thought good enough to take
back to Stetson who, It assumed, must have
taken pains in the mean time TO inform himself OF
the history of art sufficiently TO understand II.
What do you think, Steson?" said his friend. we
told Jack Havery what you said abou, Michael An
gelo. and he said, on, see; there amt no such
person Michael Angelo."
Stetson looked blank in his turn for a moment.
and then received his own little illumination as to
the humor of the thing. why. the ignorant old
fool" he said "of course. he ought to have said
There isn't any such person Michael Angelo"
This story again recalls another with similar
touch In 1t. The conversation once turned on a
clever passage in W. J. Florence's old play. The
Mighty Dollar" in which Bardwell Sloat exposes his
by vnc to sad seson ne that
Is clever; OF they don't have hacks IN Nenices
It's such a slow place they don't nave anything out
m
way into print again only few weeks before MI
Stctson's death.
is that which expressed his views as to the duties
of the musicians whom he hired. He came into the
going on and noticed that the trombone payer
sitting idle s, With his hst ns Se' doe
ins2 Why isn't he playing .o,., .us NAV.
when his turn comes; he ras rest OF eight meas
ures here; it's marked SO In the music"
II DON, care how it's marked in the music said
1t will readily be seen that Mr. stetson did no.
a business manager under him whose name was
Sharp. One day setson came around 70 the theatre
'Hello!' said stetson Seems to me that fel-
and put one: Matinee to-day at o'clock sset-
SON. I'm running this theatre.
What do you think OF So-and-So! Stetson asked
pany. He meant to ask what his friend thought Of
s sn the s
meant to ask what manner OF man he thought MIN:
SO he answered.: Hes well enough, only ne seems
TO me to be a little too pedantic.
r. This srS S so4y for ana Few days
later. when he met the actor. he said - was IN
front watching you last night and ! thought you
didn't play that part quite so pedantic as you usu-
ally do"
On another occasion he watching rehearsal
and the stage manager stopped the proceedings 10
say to one OF the actors: You don't cross the stage
the way want you to- want you 10 saun'er
across"
Gained why don't you do 1t the way Mr =.
says? You're going slower than ever why don-t
you saunter?' 1t proved that Mr.. Stetson thought
that saunter was the same word as canter ILL.,.
Mr. Stetson vas interested IN an enort wnicn
Play OF 1880 to give a Passion Play In New.York
The effort failed. but the plans went as TAR as
choosing a part OF the cast. In the course OF the
arrangements the subject OF casting the b tweSs
ststson in scorn & going this thing
let's do it style let's have a hundred apostles.
Sometimes Mr.. Stetson's expressions amounted
to epgrams. II will be remembered that when
done in this country at the New Park Theatre. now
the Herald Square, 1t was dreadful failure II
Vas clearly and obviously so to anybody who saw
any considerable part OF 1t. even II ne were orol-
nary bad Judge Of such things. and Stetson
was not a bad Judge He had secured the rights to
the opera for New England and he had paid
good deal OF money for them. He went to the New
Park on the first night 10 see and hear what his
property looked and sounded like. After the nret
act ne strobe into the lobby and somebody heard
Gone dollars!'
NOT TO BE DECEIVED.