The record-union., 1896-04-12
KENNETH
A Golhnp story.


| Kenneth was preposterously virtuous,
and his devotion to duty literally sick
ering He had always been so from the
time when We were at school together
at the old school near Musselburgh 1t
was here borne in upon me that it was
my obvious duty to coucteract as far as
possible, these wholly unnatural traits
in his character
At the age OF 13, when we first made
each others acquaintance, his face was
always clean, which was a direct insult
in itself, and his fiannels were as spot
less as his face. The length Of his
morning and evening penance on his
knees was amazing, nay, positively
nladdening to others who had neither
the wish nor the ingenuity to prolong
their devotions to such indecent lengths.
1t interrupted conversation and playful
exchanges of sponges and boots. 1t was
clear that something must be done to
prevent him from coming to a bad end
l fought him as often a S possible, but it
| wasn't much fun, because he always
| tCCk his lickingS with Christian resig-
nation which would have made a saint
swear. 1t took me nearly whole term
to discover an efficient and unfailing
remedy.
1t came about on this wise.
1t was a very hot day in July, and
Kenneth and l were lying on the grass
after dinner. 1t was Saturday and
Ealf-holiday. There was nothing to do,
and 1 was racking my brains to find
some possible method of irritating him
He was lying about three yards away
from me-asleep. 1 looked at his face
he was sleeping as piacidly as babe.
virtue stamped on every feature. l had
tried to sleep and failed-and it amazed
me that he should be able to rest like
this after three helpings of beefsteak pie
and two whole baskets of strawberries
He certainly was horribly good and had
most amazing digestion.
1t was useless to tickle his nose and
ears with grass, he would only roll over
On his side and grunt. ''Oh, don't be a
beast, Beaver"-they called me Beaver
land go to sleep again.
began positively to perspire with
irritation, when suddenly the cause of
my first fight with him flashed across
my brain. 1t had been at a time when
was too inexperienced myself to ac-
curately gauge it's possibilities, and I
shook him by the shoulder.
| Kenneth, wake up, you law beas
golfi''
TOO hot" grunted Kenneth.
mo, it isn't; come on
| I've broken my putter."
| bag your brothers."
only one round, then, and we can
get leave up town and buy some straw
berries afterward."
| NOW Kenneth was an erratic golfer,
and golf is the one thing in the world
which will unearth all the worst in a
manor boy, for that matter.
The links were at the school gates,
and in ten minutes we were ready at
the stand hole.
Kenneth had not only taken his
brothers putter, but also his cheek and
| niblick
Musselburgh was then one of the
| best links in Scotland. It was at the
| time when old Willie Park was in the
zenith of his fame; when old Bob Fer
| gusson was young Bob, and Crawford
| had no silver in his hair
The green in those days was not
plowed up by the myriad iron of all the
tyros in the county. 1t was a time when
the whins grew almost from the gas
| works hole to Mrs. Foreman's-the time
| when the Belt was played for by old
| Tom Morris and Willie Park, and giants
| such as these. 1t was the time when
"baffy" spoons were in vogue, and the
| inventor Of the "Bulger" was but little
| more than an infant. 1t was the time
when one could play a round in COM
parative safety, when there were rules
to the game, and when the rules were
| kept.
| Now they tell me there are no whins;
| that the green resembles a newly
plowed fallow; that the balls fly as
| thickly as the leaves in the famous
| shady valley; that fathers-burdened
with too plentiful offspring-send
their superfluous children out on to the
links on the off chance-which becomes
day by day less of chance and more
OF certainty-of their being killed;
that there is no Bob Fergusson; that
| gclf has been reduced to the level Of
cock-fighting, in that no game is played
on which some stake, be it a FLYER" or
a nip" does not depend.
Golf was then, as it always must be.
the king of all games, but it was more
often golf for the sake of golf, and not
for pelf.
Kenneth and I played for love-that
| is to say, for the certainty of the fight
| to follow.
Golf is a great game, but trying to the
| temper Had it been invented 1000
years ago. there would have been no
saints. In these degenerate days par
sons do well not to play in black coats !;
| nobody takes the slightest notice of a
! gentleman IN a Norfolk jacket and
knickerbockers, with a face purple with
| fury, from whose clenched teeth oaths
of Stygian blackness issue, with a fer
vor which well becomes the energy, but
not the office of a clergyman. But if
| the same gentleman. dressed in long
| black coat, were to stamp on the head
| of the putter snap his light iron across
| his knee. hurl his "mashie" at his cad
dies head, or perpetrate any of those
gentle pleasantries to which the irasci-
| bic golfer is prone ones idea. of the
general fitness of things receives a rude
shock. Even if, after heeling his drive
/ into the sea, he were to mention that
| his club-maker was no better than a
puttyheaded owl, one would feel
| grieved-if he said 1t in a black coat
On the contrary, the same remark issu-
| ing from the same mouth would be re-
| garded as the acme of cIemency-if he
said it in a Norfolk jacket Manners
maketh man, but ones clothes cover a
multitude of sins.
Kenneth was i'll form. though how he
| could see was a mystery to me, after
the prodigious dinner ne had eaten
He was three UP at Foreman's, and
we halved the hole across to the sea-
| Then came "EandY." Dear old pandv