The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-11-21
now IT HAPPENED.
Meaning the Passing az Trynn-C,rons-
Giles OF the i,ise and Fall or the rhyniin

Upon n summer day II fell that the
many barbarian tribes throughout all
the land met In the great city by The
lake, there TO take counsel together
how they might wnge wnr upon Chris
tendon. Largo hOrdca came from the
south and from the west. a few great
chiefs, who In former time had held
high rank among the heather, came
from the east. and these being wealthy,
and otherwise smooth citizens, thought
that they could boss tho copyrighted
warriors dead easy; but when, M they
arrhycd themselves In gay apparel, put
tinE on Haunting garments called clean
shirts md presented themselves to the
multitude and began To give orders and
advice, there nr0se murmurs OF whit
'cll?" and the like sayings.
Then began the host 10 cast about for
some lender who could command their
forces In the war that they had In mind.
And there was no leader, Neither could
tlcy'nnd any excuse or battle cry which
they could make use OF TO excite the pcO-
pie TO Join their Instruction: for that,
In their previous inCurslOnS, the sluiling
had been pretty well knocked out OF
them.
As. therefore. they debated among
themselves and OF Il truth thought the
1lS wa up with them. n they must
pCrforCo return mt their homes with
no booty or pillagc, there did heAvc into
the camp Il swurt and luSty youth from
the west. Knight Bryan. He am from
the region OF the Platte river, where
travellers who have thlther penetrated
do say the Popullst Is found, which is a
purIouS beast feeding upon ~goldbuGs by
land and hunting Wall street sharks by
1 NNsuNns .nl nI-a lnNl. "a I,nNRNr ..za
nnnCe and killiklnick breath. The Popu-
list bcgettcth upon the Democrat the
strange creature men call pOpocrat,
which, as Its name shOwcth. Is n hybrid
like tho mule. that. Hs the historian
Emory StOrrs saith. hath neither pride
In ancestry nor hope In posterlty."
When that the young mnn Bryan ar
rived he went TO tho high men and cap
tnlnS and said to them that he was will
Ing to settle the whole business and
compromise on himself for President,
and TINT he. OF his part. would run II
they. on their part, would support him
which was fair aud even. Whcrcupon
the captains, when they had recovered
their wind. admired The beautiful and
thrifty gall of the youth, but answered
mOckingly, saying: "Abcr nIt"-whIch
In u tongue meancth to the Same i'm
| loAN as way, my j uulllINs uIlIFT-
more, they said In scorn: "Shoo!" and
Go away, wee-wce!"
At this was the youths choler high,
and he retired rs n wood lion, because
they said to him "wee-wee;" md he
sought out one AltScld. n shrcwd man
who had great power ovcr tho rabble
OF tho baser sort. such rs the camp fol-
lowers, anarchists and so. and they
compactcd together that they should
get Bryan chosen general. Altgeld sur
miSnG that himself would be thereby
somewhere up along with the band wa
Eon. And Bryan said: But let me get
my mouth upon the multltude!" mean
Ing that thereby they would be hIs'n.
Then opened he his mouth privately 10
AltEeld. and Altgeld did grasp al the
pole OF the tent lest he should fall in,
and cried aloud unto his god, saying:
Gosh! Gosh!' and AltSeld was melted
with fear and flowed together and was
as n dead man for n time.
The next day thereafter, when oil the
most was assembled, at a signal ar
ranged beforehand the young man
mounted the stage and turned his left
lung loose on the people, and they were
plased as they heard the good noise
and were ]astOnished at the action OF
his Jaw. Then he unlImbered his right
lung for awhile and the people were
aroused 90 excitement. After that he
loaded both lungs to the muZzle and
fired squack dab Into the crowd. and
they went beside themselves for Joy end
became like drunken men for bliss.
Then Buck HInrichsen and other bull
necked heroes seized the standards and
nll tn" people went up as one man and
kIboshed the opposing chiefs. and sat
upon them and solied their shirts. And
they selected Bryan as their leader. For
| he was 4 talker from talkcrvllle, and,
| suppose. v In h whole world
hath he been surpassed. except mayhap
by 4 named Brooks, who Is men,
toned by 4 certain poet as going on
forever. but then Bryan Is young yet.
The host OF these paynlms were the
more pleased because the youth spoke
much OF free silver with the accent on
the free. Now, anything free IA very
pleasant to these o%utlAndish tribes, such
aB free trade. free whisky and free
lunch. Therefore. they roared for Joy
and said one 10 another: This Is indeed
hot stuff" Also others said: what,
an We have no gold or silver. Is not here
brass. and 10 spare? And what, an We.
have no ammunition, Is not here wind
enough Cor n cyclone. n the same who
Is there that can. withstand"
So they chose Bryan and carried him
around the land among all the provinces
to Inclte the people: and his right bower
was Altgcld and his left bower was
Tillmcn. And after some weeks they
marched out TO do battle with tho mr.
inics OF civilization. And they we're full
of hope and beer, likewise of confidence
because OF tho great noise they made,
albeit they had no gold TO speak OF, and
no silver, except In pamphlet form,
which buyeth not the whercwithni 10
put up much OF u fight, And the hosts
of civilized men went out to meet them.
And the barbnrlans ripped and tore and
put mud or their garments, and spake
through their hats and spat upon their
hands. and made other most Srcwsome
cries and awful grlmaces, ms IL the
wont OF heather, 50 that, like the bray
Ing of asses in n wood. It would scare
anybody TO death who didn't know who
II wng.
Then arose the army OF civilized men
and smotc them that they died: from the
opening OF tho polls TO the closing there
Of they slew and spoiled, md they put
the thing on them In great shape.
And when the battle vas over-at sun
down on the third day or the eleventh
m~onth-there was left OF all that pay
MIN host, hut OIL" large valley filed with
PURGE OF POpoCrat. garnIslied with Wills
kcrs.
EVERYDAY symptoms OF digestive
dlROrders-acId stomach. distress after
eating, burning at pit of stomach, dull,
| l,pn,r,g fanlt nF--1l,tpI tpIRNI DItV,,-