davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
TORTURED BY THE TONGUE.
Some Men Who Read This VIII Sym
pathize With Poor Junius.

palnfxe WIN Ioor Ounlu--
"H'mP' murmured MIR. Junius from
his paper. "A man falls dead while
smoking his pipe. and"-
"There" cried Mrs Junius, raising
her needle and voice with the same ges-
ture. Isn't that what I've always said?
And yet you will 90 ON, day after day,
with those horrid old cigars and Inc
shaving my life away doing up lace cur
tains that mother gave Us out of the
very money she saved up with her own
hands keeping hens, and hard enough,
too, can tell you, with eggs only a
cent each the very moment hens began
laying as they ought 10, and I'd like 10
know where you think you'll land,
Julius Junius, if you keep on smoking
your life away? Oh, but it is only a
step-and for PHYS sake l wish you d
fix that one to the front door before
some caller trips over it and breaks the
knob with her homeland you know
I've begged you on my beEded knees TO
leave off before it's too late and not die
suddenly, like this man you're reading
about, with your life insurance run out,
and bringing everlasting disgrace on
your wife's family. But what a provok
ing creature you are, Julius Junius, to
sit there grinning and refusing TO say a
word, and You know l want TO hear the
rest of the particulars just as well as
you do"
As his wife stopped to coal up Mr..
Junius laid down the paper.
1.-THE man was 96 years old, he said
softly. Somebody put a cartridge in
his pipe for a joke, and it went off and
shot him"
And when Mr.. Junius came in from
the evening club his wife was still flow
ing on unbrokenly.-Tacks.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28

The dissolution of the monasterles had
greatly increased vagrancy in the six
teenth century. Rich abbeys, like that
of Reading, employed large numbers OF
workmen and servants, who when their
masters had fallen into evil case Were
thrown upon heartless world and took
TO robbery for a livelihood. The hospitia
Of the monasteries III the good old days
always provided food and a bed for
weary travellers, of whatever rank they
Were, and needy wanderers sorely felt
the loss of their kind hosts The rich
courtiers grabbed the church s lands and
wealth, and the poor folk followed theiI
example by grabbing whatever they
could lay their hands on. Consequently
there were in these parts "a great stoare
of stout vagabonds and maysterless men
Gable enough for labour), which do great
hurt III the county by their idle and
naughtie life. !" The unfortunate persons
who were robbed could claim compen-
sation from the inhabitants on the hun
dred in which the robbery took place
This old law was as ancient as the time
OF our great Berkshire KING, Alfred; Tor
who is ignorant of the fact that when
gold bracelets were hung up by the
roadside On account of the enforcement
OF tins law and the fear Of the vengeance
of the Hundred no one dared to remove
them?
But when these highway robberies On
Maidenhead thicket were So frequent,
the burden Of making compensation fell
somewhat heavily On the inhabitants Of
the hundred of Benhurst. In one year
they paid as much as e2j5 for robbories
committed on unfortunate wayfarers.
Therefore q special act Of parliament
was passed in 1897 in order 10 relieve
the inhabitants frCm their burdens
Gentleman's Magazine.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
There is Nothing so Good.

There is pOihin- Inst as good as DR..
Kings New Dis3o,cr. FOR consump-
ton, coughs and colds, ~ demand it
and do not permit the dealer to sell
you some substitute. He will not
claim there is anything better, but in
order to make more profit he may
claim something else TO be just as good.
You want DR.. Kings New Discovery
because you know it to be safe and re-
liable, and guaranteed TO do good or
money refunded. For coughs, colds,
consumption and for all affections of
throat, chest and lungs, there is moth
ing so good as is DIR. Kings New Dis
covery. Trial bottle free at Snyder's
drug store, Somerset, or at Brallier's
drug store, Berlin. Regular size soc
and 81. 90.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
Singular Dea.bbed Scene.

Truth is not only stranger than fc.
tiOn, but occasionally mere amusing
than the jests Of the humorist. Writing
Of Elizabeth Fry, the philanthropist
and Quaker minister, Mr.. Hare, in his
biography CT 1.-The Gurneys Of Earl
ham, b" tells an almost incredible Incl
dent.
During her frequent visits to Nor
folk, Mrs. Fry by 10 means ceased frcm
her minist-ations, but even in her FAM
lily she often had to trust her seed 10
very stony ground. 1t is recollected with
amusement how. when sho was sum-
moned TO the deathbe6 of a Norfolk
squire, who was nearly related 10 her.
be received her with this greeting:
Il am glad to see thee, Elizabeth,
and shall be very glad to talk with
thee, but thee must just wait till these
have done "
On the other side of the bed were two
cocks fighting.
That occurred in England Ga years
ago, and the man was one of the land
ed gentry. The world moves.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
OFFICE BOY LAWYERc.
Collapse of Grandiloquent Boast by
Budding Limb OF the Law.

Collapse of a Grandiioquent EOast by
Budding Limb of the Law.
In one of the big down town office
buildings, tenanted principally by law
yers, a reporter rode down IL an ele-
vator car with two boys, who, 20 judge
from their conversation, Were budding
limbs of the law. One of them was
about 15 years of age, ana the other
perhaps a couple of years his senior.
Il had that Judgment opened this
morning, remarked the younger of the
two, fiecking the ashes from cigarette,
''but Thought Giegerich was little
slow about it.
''Ya-as,' drawled tine other, Its
certainly a great bore to have to spend
so much time in court. Remember my
bond and mortgage case IN the supreme?
Well, it was enough to try anybody's
patience. The trouble with some of our
Judges, Frank, is that they don't know
the rudiments of landlord and tenant
law. l cited Pebbles versus Bubbles,
and it knocked him out. Where are you
bound?"
''Oh, I've got a little corporation
matter on hand today" was the reply.
Receiver wants to be relieved. / don't
know whether I'll consent or not. I've
got demurrer to argue besides, and
BY that time the ear was at the
ground floor. A stout, matronly woman
stood waiting to get in.
We'll, young man" she said, ad-
dressing the boy who had been called
Frank, Il was just about to go mp and
give you a talking to III front Of your
boss. Why didn't you get fathers shoes
that you took TO be half soled:"
Hush, motherr whispered Frank
as his face reddened. 81 don't want 10
be talking about that down here. I'm
going to court. y
You're going to court, are you:'''
responded the stout lady in loud tone.
Very well, go to court. But if you come
home tonight without those shoes You
get no supper, and you don't stir peg
out Of the fiat the rest of the week. Do
you hear?"
"Say," said the elevator man as he
stuck his head out of the car and grin
ned, you've run up against the chief
justice Of the supreme court, haven't
you? Gee whiz!''-New York Mail and
Express.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
POSTAGE ON WEDDING CAKE.
Miscarriage Of an Attempt to Economics
Prevents n Marriage.

Miscarriage Of an Attempt to Economise
Prevents n Marriage.
"Do tell me all about Nell's we'd
ding" said the girl in the crash suit.
"Did it all go off well? And how
''Oh, beautifully cried the girl in
the white frock. my dress was perfect
ly lovely, my gloves were an ideal tit,
and my hair kept its curl as well as If
was only attending an old maids tea
party
"How nicel But tell me about Nell
Was she''-
''She was horrid. Actually wanted
me to help her dress for the ceremony |!
AS if I hadn't my bridesmaids toilet
to think of. / am afraid that dear Nell
is too selfish TO make q really good
wife"
''Then she will naturally have an
unselfish husband, dear. F"
"Perhaps so. Oh. it was delightful
to walk mp the aisle feeling that every
eye was fixed on
"Yes, / know. But tell me, how did
Nell get through the ceremony
Il really don't know. My mind was
full of the one awful thought that L
was standing with my back to all those
people, while there was no telling but
that my gown was crumpled after that
long drive to the church. +"
"Oh, probably it was all right Was
Nell's gown
"And wasn't it too bad that Harold
was out of town and unable to see me
in my lovely new dressr"
''Oh, well, you can send him photo
graph"
''Not unless he apologies "
"For what. going away? But then,
even an engaged man must attend to
business
1T wasn't only that. II was his sub
sequent behavior. You see, wanted
him 10 share some of the festivities. so
/ sent him box of wedding cake. You
should have seen the letter 1 got in re-
turn. -
but perhaps it disagreed with him.
sit wasn't that. You know, /
thought it would be nice to write him
sweet little note and slip it in the bot
tom of the cake box, so that when he
had eaten il all he would have pleas
ant surprise. "
Good gracious, do you mean to say
that you gave the box away and never
knew
"No, / don't The-well, the truth
is that those horrid, mean postoffice
employees actually opened the box and
found the motel Oh, how do despise
such pTying iaruisitivenessi Not salts
fed with that they
Goodness, can-can they send you
TO Jail for violating the postal laws?"
mo, they can't. But they actually
made Harold pay letter postage on the
box before they would give it to him.
Four square inches of wedding cake cost
him just $l.50. aud now he-he says
that he is afraid that L am n-not eco
nomical enough TO make a g-good wife
for poor mani After l had put the
note III the box to save extra postage
toor'-Chicago Times-Herald.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
The Oily Menhaden.

The oily character of the menhaden
is familiar. 1t is caught for its oil.
which is tried out in factories. Menba-
den fishermen use purse nets, which are
tarred to preserve them To keep their
hands from sticking to the tarred nets
they rub ON them freshly caught men
haden, handling it somewhat Is they
would cake of soap. So oily il the
menhaden that the simple pressure thus
applied is enough 10 bring through
the scales oil sufficient for the purpose.
New York sun.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
sandow Got Mad.

Sandow. the strong man, tells how
once, on a holiday IN Paris, he went
with an old school friend into a billiard
room. where some Frenchmen tired TO
fasten quarrel on him because be was
German. The Partisan went so far rs
TO slap him repeatedly in the face. New
foundlandhke. he let the terrier snari
until he tried to bite, when at last he
lest his temper. He tcok the man by
the collar and the trousers near the
knee. Then, holding him Up, to TIE
astonishmert of the gallery, he knocked
his assailant's knees into his teeth till
he was nearly senseless- The French
man was taken TO a hospital. while
Sandow was walked off TO cell. But
there were so many witnesses to the
provocation that Sandow got off. The
trenchnan himself was so astonished
that when he recovered he sought San
dow's friendship and presented TO him
a magnificent watch. which he still
POSSESSES
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
The Fact That Doctors

frequently advise change of air and
climate to those suffering from catarrh
is proof that catarrh il "A local and eli
matte disease. Therefore, unless you
can leave home and business, you
should Use Elv's Cream Balm. APP
piled dire ec-ly to the at of the disease,
IL effects ii.siai, rciict and a satisiac-
tory cure after shv. continuance.
No mercury nor injurious drug con-
tanned in the Balm.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
JOHN DOE AND RICHARD ROE
Two Prominent Legal Names and Their
Origin In England.

Two Prominent Legal Names and Their
Origin In England
The houses of York aEd clster
began and ended with strife - Ain
decade, Napoleon and Wellington pur-
sued mutual carnage for only few
brief years, but two belligerents, IA
NOUS in legal circles, seem TO have been
predestined for eternal combat and dis
sensiOns.
They are John Doe and Richard Roe
Twin brothers, creatures of the crea-
tive British legal mind, these two men
of mystery have puzzled the astute
minds of judges and lawyers and have
cansed iuries TO hang in the jury room
while attempting TO pour on ON the
troubled waters Of litigation.
Under the reign Of Edward III, when
the patient and plodding Saxon was
picking mis- way out of feudal gloom.
new form of legal procedure was enact
ed by parliament for his relief
John Bulls love of dominion over
land is only equaled by his desire to
secure dominion over the high seas, and
III t4lc past siS ~ - 1oN y OC oA tAS
present, whenever he got a hold, a
leasehold, copyhold of any kind upon
a spot Of earth, great or small. he
would cling 10 it as though the spot
was a hallowed heirloom. To repossess
the Englishman of his real estate
wrongfully withheld from him a writ
of ejecment was invented
Hitherto his means OF redress lay
through writ of right or writ Of en-
try-writs wrapped III cobweb of maze
and technicalities. This writ of eject
ment was the mother of John Doe and
Richard Roe. These soDs, twin boys,
were to her as Punch and Judy are
wandering muuntebanks, and under
name of one she gathered ali the CO
plants of the plaintiff and under tn
name OF the other all the defenses of the
defendant, and thus two armies meet
in legal form, while hoodwinked justice,
in wig and gown, shakes tine dicebox.
Slowly the power Of monarchy wan
ed and the power of the people grew in
strength in old England. The maternal
colonies left the maternal roof and set
up housekeeping, but both in England
and America these two brothers, John
Doe and Richard Roe, keep up the fam-
lily quarrel with fratricidal intent
Atlanta Constitution
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
An Exceptional Case.

"Well, how has business been with
you this summer" asked Gilhooly of a
country store-keeper.
81 have been doin. pretty we'll"
''Then the dull times have not affect
ed you mucb?"
Times haven't been dull with me.
Ny clerk stole about seven dollars
worth of groceries. caught him at 1t,
and his wife's folks paid me 500 10
keep il quiet. ! got another clerk, and
it wasn't week before | caught him
robbing the safe Of lot of postage
stamps. He turned over to me house
and lot worth 81, 500 to keep it out of
court. So you see, can't complain of
hard times. I'll manage to worry
along even if Bryan is elected
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28

An English journal tells story to
illustrate the obstinacy of Sir Redvers
Butler. During the last Nile campaign.
when descending through one of the
cataracts on beard river steamer, he
got into discussion with Lord Charles
Beresford as TO the proper channel that
should be taken. Each obstinately de-
Tended his own course, but III the end
that which Baller insisted upon was
adopted, and the steamer got through
without accident. "You see was
right!' cried Sir Redv.rs. mime was
the proper channel" That was mine.
too, coolly replied Lord CHARLES II
only recommended the other because |
knew You would go against whatever
/ said"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
Divers Dangers.

The greatest danger to those who
dive into the sea for vaIuables that have
been sunk is that of falling asleep.
On "A hot day the contrast between
the heat above and the delicious cool
ness below water is apt TO make diver
sleepy. One of these men recently
stated that he once slept half All hour
at the bottom of wreck where he was
laying pipe.
Supposing that had happened in a
channel where the tide runs 50 swiftly
that a diver can work only during the
one hour of slack water, the deadly
rush of tide would have snapped the
lifeline and hose. Then in working
wrecks there is danger Of getting jam
med in between freight, or getting the
hose or line entangled. When the
hose snaps mt great depth the tre-
mendors pressure kills the diver. He
is frightfuliy distorted by it.-New
York Journal.
Hundreds of precious little ones owe
their lives TO DIR. Thomas Eclectric
Oil, the sovereign cure for Group and
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
SLOWING AWAY.
A FooshArdy and Dangerous Method of
Getting an Ocean Voyage.

n fO0tnATuf ana O8uscEoo- 4ttthoa ~
Getting an Ocean Voyage.
In spite of the fact that the punish
ment usually meted out to those who
try to steal a free passage ON ship is
several weeks hard labor, with the op
ton of fine, stowaways are even more
common today than they were so or so
years ago.
Big passenger steamers. with their
hundreds of passengers and their scores
of stewards, sailors and stokers, afford
innumerable opportunities for slowing
away.
Three years ago a stowaway was dis
covered aboard one of the Allan liners
running between Liverpool and Mont
real. He was shabbily dressed. but be-
ing big, sturdy looking fellow he was
put to work about the ship When the
ship anchored below Montreal, waiting
for daylight before entering the harbor,
he. it is presumed, slipped quietly over
board and swan ashoare. In any case,
when the boat touched at Montreal and
was overrun by detectives looking for a
notorious jewel robber, it was i'm
mediately suspected that the stowaway
was the robber and that he had escaped,
taking the jewels with him. He was
captured some months afterward and
confessed that when he swan ashore he
had more than $40, 900 worth of jewels
ON his person.
The favorite hiding places of stow
aways are the coal bunkers and ohe mar
row passages left when the vessels are
loaded with bricks, tiles, iron pipes or
other similar cargo. These places are
extremely dangerous, and many cases
are recorded where the shifting of the
cargo has resulted in the death of some
unfortunate wretch in hiding.
During the passage of a cargo boat to
this country from England the sailors
were startled the third day out by
curious scratching, which was imme-
diately attributed to supernatural causes.
The scratching continued for three
days and then grew quiet and ceased.
When the matches were lifted at the end
of the voyage, the emaciated body of
man was found lying on some bags of
cement The poor starving fellow had
struggled frantically to get out of the
hold.
As for our American liners, it is fol-
~ TO try slowing away in any of them.
The United States will not receive pau
per immigrants, and captains are for
hidden to land stowaways in this coun-
try under penalty of 81. 500. A free
passenger" on one of these ships is
promptly clapped in irons and kept
there until the ship returns to Liver
pool. when he is brought before the
authorities Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
auF wieoeRsEHEN.
Say no, "GoOdby." The sounds have all re-

Say not "Goodby.'' The sounds have all re-
Cret.
cannot loose your hand with such word
Our ways part here. and yet, o love, and yet
cannot leave you till my soul has heard
The charm 10 bring me 70 your side again.
The dear "Auf wiedersehen-
say not '.Adieu. - The word has hidden pain
within its foreign accents sweet and clear
That haunts my heart with sad and hopeless
strain
And pleads with duty just 20 linger here
Smile courage in my eyes, o Love, snd then
Whisper "Auf wiecerseben-"
say not Farewell" If thou would st have il
50,
The word, like a wan hand, waves us apart.
I cannot leave, mein liebling-will not go
Tntii you whisper, lying on nav heart
The golden bridge between now and then,
The sweet "Auf wiedersehen-"
Grace Dulsie-Boylan in American Jewess.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
That Sinking Feeling.

A good story is being told on one of
Louisville's most prominent homeo
pathic physicians. Several days ago a
young woman called at his Office, and
after discoursing ON all the topics of in
terest of the day settled down to tell
him her ailments. Among other things
she said that she was greatly ANNOYED
with sinking feeling. The physician
prepared little bottle of pills anG gave
them to her, with minute directions as
70 how they should be taken. The wom-
an again began to talk, and after many
vain efforts to get her out she started
for the door. She had Just opened it
when she turned and said, ''Oh, doctor,
what shall i do if these pills do not cure
me?" Take the cork. he retorted.
They tell me that's good for a sinking
feeling" And he called the next patient
into his private office Post.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
Good Breeding.

A mans own good breeding is the
best security against other peoples i'll
manners. 1t carries along with it a
dignity that is respected by the most
petulant III breeding invites and au-
thorizes the familiarity of the most tim
id. No man ever said a pert thing to
the Duke of Marlborough. No man ever
said civil one to Sir Robert Walpole.
chesterfield.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
HE IDEAL.
We are unsatistied and know not why.

We are unsatisied and know not why.
We seek for the ideal OF our dreams
And strive 10 reach il guided by the beams
or truth and faith. Setting our standard high.
We struggle on. hut when the prize Is nigh
We firsi that it eludes u.s. and IL stems
To beckon onward. morking It's CLEANS
Like some bright mirage in the ..isfern sky.
With eves blind to the glory here below;
Our thoughts forever t1raed away from
earth.
We see no beauty around Es and the worth
Hidden in bumlle things wr rrtrr know
We rrofe and pas unEeee-as ol The Wy
The good that ys9 ar crossing day > 'isy-
-r1.,r. .ht-a = Ma zine
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
Not His.

Helloi Is this your bank?'' said
Dinwicdie to Van BIaam, who WIS
making ont deposit slip at desk n
Fifth avenue banking establishment.
mo, " replied Van Braam. This
isn't my bank. -
Dinwiddie seemed surprised, for he
could see Van Braam's bankbook, with
several checks and some money, when
the latter added:
No, 1t Is ret my hank. / wish it
were. am merely depositor here. =
Piftsburg Chronicle.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28

The following rc-aGrk-.tic alphabet
ical adj appeared l. IL issce u the Lon
don Times away back s, $50: .sTg
Nidowers aud Single Gei.ticncn-
Wanted, by lady, 4 a!trc'icl 20 srpo-
intend the househcld and preside a.
table She Is agreeable, BIO 8, ca-e
fui. desirable, English. i-c>.-,-s. eca.
srcus, honest, indGstrioss. 5uicio5
keen, lively, merry, nGtiv, occ il,
pbilosophic, quiet, rCsy faced. SO '..c
tasteful, useful, yivacioCs. Solnau.,..
Aaniippish, youthful, zez.oas, o.e. -
81. Louis Republie
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-10-28
But II Viii Be Too Late

Did you ever hear of the boy who
asked the doctor how to distinguish a
toadstOOl from a mushroom?
The doctor replied, Eat it; if You
die, il is toadstool." If the American
people swallow the free coinage of sill
yer craze, they will learn by experience
that it is 'toadstool. New York
Commercial Advertiser.