The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1896-12-24

Though you sink tbs not forever
No such price thy life will COST
Though you melt and run together,
Not one little flake is lost
There is no lake here and we have
had no snow SO far this winter. This
poem was suggested by the SCOT from
neighboring chimney falling on piece
of white paper in the alley,l
From the Shutdown Simeon.
We slipped off from our wife the 9th
err night to attend aCuban sympathizer's
meeting and got enough righteous in
dignation to last us to the island if we
had not have gone past home. Our
wife caught us trying to steal the rail
road pass from under her pillow and we
were denied the pleasure of being shot
to pieces by the Spaniards.
One of onr advertisers came into the
office last month and tried to get us to
cut rates by making slightly remarks
about our circulation. His administra-
tor, however, is a very different man
and is willing to pay us legal rates for
the administration notice.
Gale Jones was found dead in Ash
alley yesterday morning. The coroner's
jury found nothing of suspicious
nature ON his person except copy of
our paper, but they failed to prove that
the deceased had read it.
Bill Bankhead came to town last Sat-
urday and got so sinking drunk that
he paid us $10O ON subscription. We
acted very foolishly ourself, but did
not get far enough along to pay any
debts,
Our preacher dropped into the Office
the other day and requested us to pub
lish his original poem on yuletide. He
was smart enough to bring our wife
along with him. See poem in another
column.
The election Of Mckinley was q
regular opening of the Neutral Strip
for this place. Every republican in the
county has moved to town and is trying
to get the postofice.
We are going to say just what We
please in this weeks issue. Our wife
took the railroad pass and the children
and went to spend Christmas with hel
father in Middle Tennessee, and thu
postmaster wont accept our mailing lis
till we pay last months bill.
If everybody that promised us WOOD
on subscription would haul it in W.
could build corduroy road from
hell to Mucktown.
A burglar broke into our house nigh
before last while we were were dow
town trying to borrow postage staml
and our wife fred three shots at him
thinking that it was us trying to get
crock of apple butter her mother hat
sent her.
Owing to poor collections we will b.
forced to limit our Christmas festivitie
, to nickle's worth of brown sugar ant
dozen apples to divide among tn
children.
delinquent subscriber writes u
that he is very sorry to disappoint us
but it will be impossible for him t.
7 furnish us that bushel of apples h
promised us for Christmas, because tn
, lightning struck and killed one of hi
best trees last spring. AS lightning
don't strike twice in the same place W
shall just lay low in the hope that tn
. owner of the tree will get regula
Ananias stroke next summer.
49,
One holiday season is worth tw
changes of administration to brin
money into circulation.
Sacrifice.
Little Innocent How tan Sanity eau
dit on top NV de house, papa, so he ta
tome down de chimny?
Q Fond Father Why, I'm going t
. chang up" my oyer-coat, darling, AM
. l think he can climb up that to the rooi
: Most of our contemporaries are a
I jubilant over Christmas as a negr
stable hand who is expectinga quart G
: "shuck, :" as he calls corn whiskey, 70
/. a present from his boss.
1t is noted with pleasure that Ruff
McLain Fields is back on the Nashvill
! Sun, and that he is writing great des
; of real poetry.