davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

"HAvE you heard about young
Holard? He has just walked off
with 10000 francs of his employers
money"
"Ha ha! the lucky rascaln
" Besides he has bolted with your
umbrella"
"Oh, the Internal SCAMP 20
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

GREAT STATEsMAN-I have Just
received letter from my brother.
He has failed in business again. No
matter what he tries, he fails utterly.
Singular isn't it?
Ordinary Well, ifhe is too
incompetent for any trade, business
or profession, why in the world
doesn't he go into politics?
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

DISTRIBUTING NATURAL CAS-
The transmission or conveyance of
gas under pressure to long distances,
which was an unsOlved problem some
twenty years ago, is DOW a fixed fact,
represented by the present use of
about 75,O00,000 feet of pipe used in
the distribution of natural gas. On
the first discovery of this article,
says the Philadelphia Bulletin, the
pressure at the we'll was sufficient to
drive it through the pipes almost as
far as desired, but this pressure de.
clining, some additional methods
were necessitated-the well-known
air compressor being resorted to to
pump the gss {; and, as showing its
efficiency, there are at Greenland, in
Indiana, gas wells which have long
carried supplies to Chicago. There
are two eight-inch pipe lines used,
the gas being pumped distance of
about 100 miles. There is at Redkey,
Ind, pumping station of this char
acter that supplies the towns of
Springfield, Titfin, Liman, Dayton,
Piqua and other places in the west
ern part of Ohio. Near Pittsburg
there is gas plant which pumps
100000 cubic feet every twenty
four hours tor use in mills, the pump
ing of this being without the least
difficulty; and the Philadelphia com.
pany pumps many millions of cubic
feet day. There are New England
air compressors that are pumping
every day, at various stations in the
United States, the enormous guam.
tity of nearly 100, 100000 cubic feet
THE Chinse do everything back.
ward. Their compass points to the
south instead of north. The men
wear skirts and the women trousers
while the men wear their hair long
the women coil theirs in a knot
The dressmakers are men, and the
women carry burdens. The spoken
language is not written, and the writ.
ten language is not spoken. Books
are read backward, and any notes
are inserted at the top. White is
used for mourning, and the brides
maids wear biack-instead of beine
maidens these functionaries are ole
women. The Chinese surname come.
first, and they shake their own hand.
instead Of the hand of the one whom
they would greet. Vessels are
launched sidewise, and horses ar,
mounted from the off side. They
commence their dinner with desser
and end up with soup and fish. II
shaving, the barber operates on tn,
head, cutting the hair upward, thel
downward, and then polishes 1t OF
with small knife, which is passe,
over the eyebrows and into the nos
to remove any superfluous hair.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

MARROW MINDED people who
have not thought beyond the little
sphere of their own vision recall the
Hindoo saying. "The snail sees
nothing but its own shell, and thinks
It the grandest In the universe.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10
MISCELLANEOUS.
Good Stories Told on Chicago LAWYERS.
SOME OF THE AMUSING INCIDENTS
WHICH ENLIVEN THE MONOT-
oNY OF LEGAL PROCEED
URE.

Legal procedure is dry and dull,
and usually there is little or nothing
OF interest in it except for the law
yers themselves, or parties to the
suits before the court. However,
there are occasions when an oppor.
tunity is offered for wit and humor,
OF which the keen lawyer is quick
to take advantage, for nothing is so
telling in its effect on a jury as a
bright flash on the part of the at
torneys. Being themselves bored
with the case which they are con-
sidering they welcome the opportu.
nifty to smile and feel kindly dis
posed to the man who provokes it.
Many lawyer has saved his eli.
ents case by quickness of repartee
and dozens Of stories are told of Chi
cago lawyers who have made bright
remarks which have been the cause
OF success before jury. Sometimes
1t happens that the lawyer attempts
to be witty at the expense of his Cd.
ponent or a witness who proves as
clever in fencing with words as him.
self, and then the tables are turned.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

WHAT sort of climate have
your" inquired the prospective
guest.
First rate" said the proprietor
of the summer resort "cool and
bracing; creates a good Appetite
Why, our guests declare that they
are as hungry after meal as before"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

"THAT, SIR" said the phrenolo-
gist, placing the tips of his long.
bony fingers on a bump on Bliggin's
head, sis your bump of locomotion," !"
Right you are," said Bliggins. 81
got that last night while trying to
learn to ride bicycle.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

A VERY rich man said: 81 worked
like a slave till was forty to make
my fortune, and I've been watching
it like detective ever since that
time for my lodging, food and
clothes.O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

FATHER--So you want to marry
my daughter, do you?
Suitor-Yes, sir.
"And you've heard her sing, saw
her dry-goods' bills, played whist
with her, happened in when a new
gown did not fit, and still you want
to marry her"
Yes, SIR"
"Then refuse insanity must be
hereditary in your family"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

WHY is it that young Freshly
shaves twice day ?" $50.
L" It's the only way to keep people
from finding out that he has no
beard,O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

WHEN q young man proposes to a
girl she is usually about as much
surprised as Presidential candidate
is when he is officially notified of his
nomination,
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

If the country editor were to snap
at all the great inducements held out
he would be millionaire in a short
time. If he ran a paper according
to popular notion he would be in the
poor-house. If he published one
half the items that are sent to him
he would be in Jail one-half the time
and in the hospital the other half.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10
Notice.

HAVE returned home to remain
L this fall and winter. Ihaye located
IN DIR. s. III. Austin's office, oD Main
street, to work at my trade. WORK
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction
Also AIS still continue my oculist business
Wlli call on any parties who desire
uissses, If they will let me know.
have also added to my line Of bust
ness repairing Of all kinds of Sewing
machines. Also all kinds of material
Tor them on hand. All work guaran
iced. Bring on your machines.
Very respectfully,
j. A. LOWE,
Oct. 2-tf. Jeweler q Optician.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

A LAZY man is always going to do
great things-after a while.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

Do you know" remarked the
author, "that look upon my work
as extremely valuable?"
Why SOP"
A burglar was in the house the
other night and stole one dollar and
torty-seveu cents, about twenty dol
ars' worth of jewelry, and the manu-
script of my latest story. l fear
shall never get the last back, but
will have Justice on that burglar, if
we ever catch him."
My dear sir, no jury would ever
convict him."
"Why not ?"
" He would be regarded as a pub
lie benefactOr."
And the author has been trying to
figure out the others meaning ever
since.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

"THEY say 1t Is unwise to let peo-
pie know 1t If you are poor."-
"Yes and more unwise to let IL
get out that you are rich"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

SOLITUDE shows us what we should
be; society shows US what we are.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10
An Eagles Revenge.

Bedloe's Island has lost one of it's
biggest attractions. 1t was the big
golden eagle recently caught Dy Jim
Reithell, the ticket chopper on the
Island.
When the bird became sufficiently
tame to handle it was transferred to
the plot on the south side of the Is
land and put into big latticed box.
Ten feet away gamboled the monkey
Cripps. The latter was 80 named
because of his resemblance to q man
| OF that name who makes the Battery
his home.
Cripps became very jealous of the
eagle and tormented it day and night.
When the bird went to sleep Cripps
would invariably get paw full of
fine plumage before his eagleship
landed in heap on the floor of his
cage. When awake it was Just as
bad.
Cripps saved all the uncooked pea
nuts and decayed fruit that came in
his way, and after the latter had
reached the contingency of mush he
sent it the eagles way. The result
was that when the latter was not
getting yanked half way through the
bars of his cage he was being pelted
with pebbles, bad fruit and other
missiles.
Finally the eagle broke out of his
cage, but before taking wing looked
about for Cripps. The monkey was
hiding behind the fence post.
The eagle dashed at its tormentor
and with a blow Of its beak knocked
the trembling monkey half uncon-
scious. Then it picked him up and
started to fly away with him, but
the chain that was about it's neck
stopped the eagles flight.
The chattering of Cripps and the
screeching Of the eagle brought Rel
thell to the scene. He got there Just
in. time to save the monkeys life.-
Cripps got back to life next morning
very much the worse for wear.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

The fool thinks his death would
leave q hole in the world. .HN
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10
.NZNINZWEMSIWNNN5N

Residence one mile north of Will
liamsburg. Prompt attention to all
calls. May 7-3 mos.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

HE protested that he loved her,
but from some unknown cause she
seemed to doubt it.
swear" he began.
81 don't doubt it," she replied,
" but prefer proof to oaths."
"Then tell me-" he said, show
can prove it ?''
"Teach me to ride the BICYCLE"
she said.
"Too much," he returned, sadly.
She weighed about $50 pounds.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

AT: THE CROSS Roads" John,
where's yer daddy ?" He's out
yander gittin' beat fer coroner"
AM yer uncle" "Seein' how
close he kin come ter bein' sheriff."
AM Bill-where's he ?n "Well,
Bill don't mount ter much, an I've
hearn tell they're gwine ter send him
ter Congress ter git shet NV him. -
AM you what's you a-runnin'
fer ?" "Nothin'. Pm the only one
in the family what amt got no eddi-
cation, so l'm teachip' of a school
fer livin'.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

MATTINGs and OIL Cloths.
tA J. K. BELL.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

SUSTAINED THE JURY's RIGHTS
Judge Prendergast, before his eleva.
tion to the bench, was defending an
aggravated case of assault before
Judge Hors. He desired to intro.
duce some evidence favorable to his
case, but it was incompetent, being
hearsay testimony. He made nu.
merous attempts to bring out the
evidence. 1t met with strong obiec.
tion rs often from the States attor.
Dey. The question was argued al
length, and the court sustained the
prosecution, ruling the evidence in
competent. Thereupon Judge Prem.
dergast swung around to the jury
and said:
Well, gentlemen of the jury,
shall this evidence go in or not ?"
"Yes," the jury burst out.
The judge and States attorney lost
their breath by the shock incident to
such remarkable and unheard-ot
proceeding. Recovering his breath
Judge Hors, who was a novice on
the bench then, asked:
Where is your warrant for such
action as you have committed ?"
Your honor, this Is your first
criminal case" replied Judge Prem.
dergast, seriously, "and you are not
familiar with the criminal practice,
The law Of this State says the jury
shall be judges of the law or fact in
such cases. You have Overruled this
right Of the jury and the jury has
reversed our ruling. ] will no lon.
ger defend the case"
The proceedings caused sensation.
However, Judge Prendergast re.
manned in the case under protest.
The jury was indignant to think
their lawful right to decide all ques.
tions had been impaired. The de.
fendant was discharged, the jury not
even leaving their seats.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

No SUCH WITNESS IN THE CASE.
No man in Chicago has greater
reputation for winning over jury
than A. s. Trude, but he met a
worthy foeman one day. 1t was
duriug the trial of Cornell vs the
Pennsylvania Railroad, an action for
damages. 1t was a celebrated case,
which had been to the supreme court
8 times and was contested bitterly to
the end. Trude represented the de.
fendant. The plaintiff, who had
been the city attorney of Omaha, and
later member of Congress from Neb.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

ALSO TO BE SUsPENDED.---It is
told Of Judge e. A. Gary that before
his election to the bench he was as
sociate counsel in the trial of a mur.
der case in the curcuit court of an ad-
joining county. The late Colonel Jo-
selyn, one Of the ahlest advocates in
his day, concluded most effective
argument to the jury in these words /:
Gentlemen, do not come to con-
clusion during the appeal which will
be made in the closing argument.
Suspend judgment until the argu-
ment is closed. Suspend judgment
until the charge is given you by the
court. Suspend judgment until you
have retired to the jury room. Sus-
pend judgment until you have time
TO consider carefully what the awful
result of your verdict will be if you
fail to acquit."
The jury we're bathed in tears, but
the effect of the perOration was
materially lessened by the words OF
Judge Garsy, who deliberately rose,
and, as If continuing the argument
said "And finally, gentlemen. be-
cause it is necessary, suspend the
prisoner"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

ONE ON THE EXPERT.--Several
years ago the suit Of Goldsmith VS..
the Chicago City Railway Company
was on trial. A pompuous and pre-
tentious doctor was placed on the
stand by the plaintiff. He described
the injuries sustained by the plaint-
iff as permanent and employed a
large number Of long medical terms,
concluding with the statement that
the plaintiffs legs were atrephied,
and that this condition of atrophy
resulted from the fall the plaintiff
sustained.
In the cross. examination A. S
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-12-10

JOS. II. BTRATTON
The National tribune., 1896-10-29
SHIPPING COrToN.

for the arbitration of contracts and punishment
of crimes, which the military have neither time
nor inclination TO interfere with. Among these.
first in importance is the maintenance OF order,
peace, and quiet within the jurisdiction Of Mem
plis. To insure this will keep strong pro-
vast- guard in the city, bat will limit their duty
to guarding public property held or claimed by
the United States, and for the arrest and con-
fnement of State prisoners and soldiers who
are disorderly or improperly away from their
regiments. This guard ought not to arrest cit
izens for disorder or minor crimes. This should
be done By the city police. l understand that
the city police is too weak in numbers to accom-
plish this perfectly. and therefore recommend
that the City Council at once take steps to in
crease this force to number which. in their
Judgment, day and night can enforce your ordi-
pances as to peace, quiet. and order; SO that
any change in our military dispositions will not
have tendency to leave your people unguarded.
/ am willing to instruct the provost-guard to
assist the police force when any combination is
made too strong for them to overcome; but the
city police should be strong enough for any
probable contingency. The cost Of maintaining
this police force must necessarily fall upon all
citizens equitably.
] am not willing, nor do think it good
policy. for the city authorities to collect the
taxes belonging to the State and County, as you
recommend for these would have to be re-
funded. Better meet the expenses at once by
q new tax OIL all interested Therefore, If you,
on consultation with the proper municipal body,
will frame good bill for the increase Of your
police force. and for ing the necessary means
for their support aud maintenance. / will ap-
prove il and aid you in the collection Of the
tax. OF course. i cannot suggest how this tax
| should be laid, but ! think that 1t should be
The National tribune., 1896-10-29
A Florida Comrades Views.

EDITOR NATIONAL TRIBUNE: Please al
low me space in your paper to ask MIR. T.
w. Hartman question: You say you Will
vote for Bryan. Let me tell you that vote
will be of no service to him. VIM. Mckinley
will be your next President. You say the
same authority that granted pensions can
take them away. You are sadly mistaken.
The Republicans granted the pensions; now
that authority will never stoop so low as to
rob rs of our pensions. What did the pres
ent Administration do? Was it not to cut
the pensions right and left by sending the
old soldiers before rebel physicians? They
knew that they would cut them all they
possibly could. What have the people lived
on since your free trade has been in exist
ence? ? In Florida we have lived on palmetto
roots and berries and pine nuts. The wages
of the mechanics have been reduced from
$3.50 per day to 50 and $3.50; farm hands
from SIS per month to So. Where will we
be in the next four years if Bryan is elected?
Your free trade and free silver will not allow
US to stop this side Of purgatory. Now, old
fellow, vote with us for Mckinley. He viii
be your next President.-SCoTT LovELAC,
Jacksonville, Fla.
The National tribune., 1896-10-29

the 18th Iowa the united commands
were compelled by the overpowering
numbers of the enemy to retire to the
north side of the Camden road, where a
stand was made for a short time to
enable the section of the battery to
move to the rear, which was then north
of the road.
When forced from this position the
Federal troops retired through an open
field, and on the north side of it, in the
timber, formed in line again, and after a
few volleys checked the Confederates,
who were advancing with yells from the
front and left and right hanks.
In falling back to this position this
main part of the command was joined
by quite number of the colored sol
diers, who had retired from the front, on
the north side of the train, under Lieut..
Gibbons, and by Others who made their
way between the teams to the north side
of the road when Col. Williamss front
and right flank were forced back
AFTER THE FOURTH CHARGE.
OF course, it was now the purpose of the
Federal troops to retreat to Camden by
the most direct route practicable.
Closely pressed by the enemy from all
The National tribune., 1896-10-29
A Grow, of a Mountain Lion.

EDITOR NATIONAL TRIBUNE: In the dls-
cussion of the Silver question the agitation
is often remarkable The mining specuiator
applies his art with skill, aiming to make
big haul. The farmer thinks freer, uniimlt-
ed coinage will be his grain measuTer, ana
the vehicle for the rest to prosperity. Ihey
want money to circulate and be as plenty as
during the war. They never call to mlnd
the increased misery and calamity, whIch -
to be corrected in the run of time, as an IN
evitable necessity.
A country such rs the United States will
never submit to circulate currency not
worth its face value, as long as it intends TO
hold its standing among the Nations, even
if it has to issue dollar as big as grind
stone and close its mints to silver, as IN lI9Z
to 1884, to put an end to such ignoble prac-
tices and dishonorable speculation.
Ever since the end of the war l have i1Ved
in the West, and have been in almost every
mining camp On the whole Pacific Slope
pride myself to say that 1 know something
about mining and how things are managed
to make mining profitable, which 10 accom-
plislied in most artfnl and dishonest man.
ner by the operators, who have earned the
name of mining sharks. The very rame
ought to be enough to put any one on guard
against this ignohe scheme.
In the earlier days of the 7Os there was
quite mining excitement in Nevada. Any
body who could show and claim some Kind
of a hole in the ground stood good chance
to sell it for fine price to some New Yorker
or some other Eastern capitalist, who had
never seen Il mining country before, and did
not know the least thing about mining.
These were the prosperous and happy
days" of Nevada. The capitalists bought
the stock; we got their money. Every body
did well and had plenty of money. Some
had so much that no sage-brush country
could hold them. They had to go to San
Francisco and live in grand style, but after
ward came back to get some more. But bad
luck will happen; the Eastern capitalists
quit buying and investing in mining prop
erty. Ever since there have been hard
times The fasteners have the mining
stock yet, but we have not the money any
more May the new aliens of the mining
fraternity have better luck. When they
only would practice what they preach and
command more graceful bearing.
"What is n communist? A communist hath yearn-
ings
For equal division of unequal earnings;
Ider or bungler both. he is willing .
To fork out his penny and pocket your shilling"
GEORGE LUBER, 47th Ohio, Franklin,
The National tribune., 1896-10-29

Webster to elucidate; but as we can only at'
tempt plain, substantial justice, Will answer
these questions as we'll as l can, briefly ana TO
the point:
1st When ground is owned by parti es who
have gone South, and have leased the ground
to parties now in the city, who own the I'M
provements on the ground?
Answer The United States takes the rents
due the owner of the land does not disturb
the owner of the improvements.
3D. When parties owning houses have gone
South, and the tenant has given his notes Tor
the rent in advunce?
Answer. Notes are mere evidence OF the debt
due landlord. The tenant pays the rent to the
Quartermaster who gives bond OF indemnity
against the notes representing the debt for the
particular rent.
3D. When the tenant has expended several
months rent in repairs on the house?
Answer. Of course, allow all such credits on
reasonable proof and showing.
4th. When the owner has gone South, and
parties here hold liens on the property and are
collecting the rents to satisfy their liens?
Answer. The rent of house can only be
mortgaged to person in possession. If a loyal
tenant be in possession and claim the rent
from himself as due to himself on some other
debt, allow it but, if not in actual possession
of the property, rents arc not good liens for q
debt, but must be paid to the Quartermaster.
5th OF parties claiming foreign protection?
Answer. Many claim foreign protection who
are not entitled to it. IF they are foreign sub
jects residing for business in this country, they