Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-03-04
KIND WORDS FOR ALL
Colonel John Bell BiSsef's Characters
tic Speech In The Rouse
.rssrox,s mEMonIEs PLEASANT.
The Geniai Clerk I'm Acknowledging
the Courtesy OF the Members In
au,res I'm Some Personal AlIusions
ana Flights of orstory.

10 Colonel John Ben blsSo' ny -.
c,erk of the body. was decioeu'y ""
most handsome present ever give"
that Nestor of Democracy. and his spee'n
20 49,. xyas though characteristic Oh
The arable Clerk, one Of the most a'i"S
tn, and humorous addresses ever Hi"oe W
n,m He arose from his seat as soon as
.na nresentation speech OF MI. ha'ha-
way was concluded. and' Win ''
twinkle in his eyes, SAID .o
"Mr. Speaker and Gentlemen Vi ."e
House.-I had an mixing on yesterday
that Won would evidence your appfcci"-
lion OF my endeavors to properly us
charge the duties OF the Office hoiu ~
.o,ns Substantial recognition. ana ailer
had on yesterday, the holy Sappath
day, arranged my matters III '"e
nobling Office. and for to-days session'
wrote on this paper something WHO"
wish to say to you.
my poor. old, disturbed brain, whicn
came near leaving me. has been SO MUCH
disorganized, or j would have coinmit'eu
4, To memory, but 1 will read II from
this paper Then, too, AIN so accustoiheu
10 saving in this hall only what Is set
down for me. that / am afrald 10 Vshtuic
without notes, because on seseIai ocO'
slons recently when at my humble Dreah,
fast-table the batter-cakeS were hahoeo
aroun5 1 moved that they be passed by
and when asked II 1 would have my eggs
fried on one side i responded by sayins
get them be read twice, and ordered 10
be engrossed'; and when ordered 10 take
a hot roll. l said: Ayes, e.; nays, "a.
az have the proud consciousness Oh
knowing that / have done my best. lou
have dcne much work, and the pIis YOU
have passed embrace many subjects. lou
have protected fish, and made streams
iawS,, FENCES. You have knocked out
of existence In legal practice techhicali-
Ties. which, il is claimed, impede the ENDS
of justice.
THE DISSPIRITED HORSE.
You have checked the selling of pools
and mutuals. The thoroughbred race
horse (which has horse-sense, ana
mighty useful knowledge 1t ISL must De
much disspirited when, IN MS rap,u
speed. he runs upon the smooth track
and knows that his owner. who has pianh-
stsd his slick exterior and hiied ms
craving interior with frst-class oats ana
.orn, although he comes IN aheau' VIII
receive no pecuniary benefit; you nave
repealed wildcat insurance companies;
YOU have incorporated every character OF
charter privileges, many OF when VIII
die OF inanition; you have assisted IN re-
building our grand old university, anu
have given comfort to many Confederate
soldiers and widows Of such; yon nave
passed many d ferent bills. and some OF
your criticising constituents may thinK
some very Indifferent ones.
This hall will be banquet hail de-
serted. Not again soon will you hear
the delegate from Franklin appealing to
have a Gordon of barbed-wire put around
every foot of railroad in the Common
wealth, but he must be consoied oy
the happy thought that he has given re-
lief to two widows.
THOSE FREE BEDS.
Where will the tall form of the Dele
gate from Page find lodging. II all the
free beds I'm the medical college are oc-
cupied? What syrup can sooth the
wounded sensibllities of the Delegate
from Portsmouth in his being cut off
from exhibiting his knowledge of par
liafnentary law on a resolution, which
he offered? How will the Delegate from
Roanoke find comfort when. Lo. the poor
Indian in King William. is in danger
of having his rights invaded? What will
one OF the representatives OF the freedom
OF the press do for fun If he cannot
give any more diggs with his brawny
fist on the unwary Delegate from near
the Mattaponi? Who will applaud the
REORGANIZATION of Chesterfieldian polite
ness--the tall and handsome member
from Richmond city-when the black
cohorts shall cease to be in the galleries
expressing their appreciation of his
watchful care in preserving the sanctity
OF the ballots in the hands of the Sons
of Ham In Jackson Ward?
How sad you must be to know that
you will hear no more the thump thump
of the crutch OF the hero OF the Lost.
Cause. who is your financial agent, bring
Ing TO you Doodle for your land
lord to keep the pot a-boiling, or, per-
chance to help you to swell the jack pot
LITTLE BRACK
Little Brack Stovall-little only IN
physical dimensions-had better not go
for the big Legislature at Washington
under Car Reed. Brackie Is not a Dem
ocrat but he is a southern boy, and
he would hurl back into Boutelle's teeth.
the vile Islander against our dear South
land. Let him stay with US. We won't
worry him.
How can the stout member from Rich
nond dry his tears. which were caused
to flow when the additional appropriation
10 the Soldiers Home lacked five votes
of being carried. / weep with him my
self Heroes Of the Lost Cause are
worthy OF our tender care. God knows
tHfy Fought IN n righteous cause. and he
welded the deadlest blade of all. who
lightest held his life.
The arm that drove its unbought blows,
With all a patriots scorn,
Might brain a tyrant with a rose,
Or stab him with a thorn.
What a wall (wale) went up from the
Delegate from Louisa. when he could not
make North America q lawful fence.
May our friends be Reddy to plant the
Iyey on the Banks of our Graves and
though we be now Hale we cannot tell
al what moment II viii be asked. what
IL the matter with Hannah
wATCHFUL BUT NOT PENURIoUs
With what a satisfied. graceful air
Will the chairman OF the Finance Com
mittee-iike he who earnestly appealed
to the woodman to spare that tree touch
not single bough-pead. Take no
money from the Treasury, touch not n
single dollar. He Is prudent with the
money OF the Commonwealth, not par
simonious. His heart is as large as the
nospitaiities OF his home. well known how
hafd II Was 10 keep the lower buttons of
his vest from being iorcibly sundered.
The clerks in my department have been
faithful 10 their respective trusts, but n
is specially due to my right bower. John
i ~ Williams. OF Giles. vino sits at my
right hand. for me 10 publicly specially
say that he deserves my grateful thanks
Tor MS invaluable aid. Were not euper-
sfitious and fear that II might hasten
my end II should now ask you TO con.
fi,m a beauest to him OF the office ]
mold. might do 50. but ii viii be time
enough for that as expect to be here
myself twenty years longer.
sxTY-SEvEN YEARS OLD.
xrZA