The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-28
THE LIMEKILN CLUB,
BROTHER GARDNER TELLS HOW HE
WOULD OUELL ANARCHY.
In Case Of Trouble In the Club the oh.
structionists Would Find the Presidins
ohcer Wslloping and slamming Lifeless
Remains-A Sleepy emb Rebuked.

structionists Would Find the Presidins
omcer Wslloping and slamming Lifelesa
Remalns-A Sleepy Member Rebuked.
"Heah am a letter." said Brother
Gardner as he arose during the last
session OF the Limekiln club-"beah am
a letter from dc secretary of staff of Ar.
kansaw akin me what steps would be
tooken in case a half dozen members OF
dis club should sot out to filibuster an
obstruct an delay matters of vital inter
est TO de kentry at large. Sich a thing
has never yit occurred in de history of
dis club, but it may cum. Indeed I'ze
bin prepared fur its comm fur de last
two vars. Oar am sartin signs of reck-
lessness in conneckshun wild sartin mem.
bers which ! hev not bin blind to, an
perhaps it will be to de benefit of dose
members to outline my programme.
IF sartin members of dis club had
'conspired to obstruct bizness an bring
de United States to de verge of de aw-
fullest staff of anarchy eber heard of, de
Rev. Penstock would be probably de
pusson appinted to take de initiative.
He would wait till we had got down de
order of bizness to de head of sickness
an Distress, all den make a moshun
dat de sum of seben dollars be voted to
Brudder Shutdown jackson, who almost
sawed his head off on de fam 'ly close
line While runnin across de back yard
at night. I should refuse to entertain de
moshun. Any member of dis club who
can't dodge his own close line had bet
ter resign. When I refused to put de
moshun, de Rev. Penstock would appeal
from de decishun; Giveadam Jones
would call fur de ayes an noes; Shindig
Watkins would nov to amend; Samuel
Shin wonld turn u all de lamps on de
ally side, an Kurnel Cahoots would
move to adjourn.
my fren's, yo' kin see de sitoashun
In yo'r minds eye. Anarchy would rear
its hydra head an chaos an confusion
prevail. Sir Isaac Walpole, yo'r vice
president, who hain't got much sand,
would begin to shake in his butes; Way
down Bebee, yo'r recordin secretary,
who has a stiff neck, would drap down
behind his desk to git outer de way of
de splinters; Lord CORVALLIS Skinner
horn, yo'r trusted treasurer, who was
once bit by a mad dog, would close de
doah OF de safe III our cash receipts fur
de eav'nin, an varus members would
hustle fur de co'ners to keep cl'ar of de
fallin plaster. Whar would I be, gem
len-whar would I be an what would
be my line of ackshun?
"a T,r1ccor h., 40 -, "a NJ, r..l:~
has writ a manual fur all legislative
bodies to go by" softly continued the
president, as he wiped the perspiration
from his brow. "Dat manual are all
right up to de pint whar a conspiracy
begins. Den it am s'pected dat de pre-
sidin officer will peel off an sail in. I
should peel! 1 should remove my collar.
necktie, coat an west, drap my suspen-
ders off my shoulders an rub my hands,
an I should steer by compass fur de
Rev. Penstock. He would try to grow
wings all fly, but he wouldn't hev time.
l would pounce down on him an render
him a cripple fur life inside of 20 Sec
onds.
"Den l should reach out wild one fut
fur Giveadam Jones an wild de odder
fut fur Shindig Watkins. an boat of 'em
would fall like autumn leaves befo' a
HURRICANE. Samuel Shin an Kurne1
Cahoots would holler fur mercy, but
dar wouldn't be no mercy in my heart.
When l got threw wallopin an slam
min, DER lifeless remains could not be
identified by DER own wives. If dar
was any mo- obstructionists hangin
around arter I had finished wild &c pus-
O Il named-any mo- filibusters who
war determined to hev DER own way or
ruin de kentry-I should begin agin an
make 'em wish dey had nebber bin bon
Oats de programme, gem len, - con-
tinued the president as his excited
breathing was heard all over the hall,
ian it will be follered right threw in
case Of necessity. We gather here in de
of de kentry at large. While
a minority has rights a majority must
rule. If Mr.. Cushin's Manual will kiver
a case, all right; if it won't, den de pre-
sidin officer must sail in. While I sim
cerely hope an trust no SIGH lamentable
occashum may arise, I'ze liftin dumb
bells an punchin dc bag cherry day to be
prepared fur it in cast it does cum.
"Now dat dis subject has riz up befo'
us I hev a few mo- words to add. I has
bin panied to obsarve a Emphatic apathy
on de part of Kurnel St. John Jones re-
gardin de bizness which brings us to-
gether each Saturday eavenin in de var.
No matter how grave de crisis, de kur-
mel wedges hisself behind de stove an
chaws peanuts an is allus sound asleep
befo' de meetin adjourns. De same
complaint of apathy-an de char assures
de meetin dat he knows what apathy
meaAs-kin be urged agin Lord Corn
wallis johnson, Professor Layback
White, Gineral Bull Run Primrose an
seberal others. l want to say to 'em
right yere an now dat Paradise hall am
not a lodgin house, an desc weekly meet
ms am not progressive euchre parties.
If dey can't brace up an take an interest
in de proceedings an help de rest of us
to hold de United States on a level keel, |
den dey had better stay away. OATS all
jest now, an we will purceed to attack
de reg lar bizness Of de meetin. IN.
Quad in Detroit Free Press.
TD-