The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1896-04-09
BILL NYE AS
A MISSIONER
His Letter to the Government Which
First Brought His Name lie
fore the World.
SENT IN HIS RESIGNATION
Because Nc HAD an Uncomfortable Appetite
tor Grub aud Needed a suit Of undsf-
clothes Which the Receipts Of His
office Mould Not AiloN.
Isansas cln star

Kansas GUY star,
In 1851 Nye was a brlgnoaa lawyer dab
bling IN country newspaper work In
Laramie, Wye, Tho thing which drew
him out Of his obacurlty and eventually
made him a famous humorlat with u
good.Hlscd fortune, was tho lottrr In
which he resigned his place 40 United
s,atcn commissioner Tho lolter, which
was reprinted every whore. marked the
event Of a now comic writer. u the
turn Of the tide In the AFFAIRS OF Edgar
Wilson N.Y.. Here In the famous epls,le!
70 tho Department Of Justice. Wash.
ington. D. c
Several months aso | resigned aH
United states Commissioned for this ju-
djcial district This government did not
aceupt my resignation. thun taoltiy aa'
scrtins that lbsrr was no ono who Was
considered competent to take my place
In holding up the corner OF the national
fabric
Il now once moro resign, do not do
20 because I am diaplrhued viii the gov
OF because | an d%iHplrazrd with
public ITO. Their Ia no reason why tho
government and myself shout not con'
tinuo TO be friends, hut under tho new
regime for United Hta,rs commissioners
of district couftn, ! am compelled 20 rr'
tire from tho oHicial capacity which
have "a tong nilcd with 90 much
KIN and credit, both TO myHrlf and the
unltni states,
The department Of Justice now 70.
qultva mo To furnish a detailed state.
munt zach month Of all tho business done
by tho commissioner. with his Onic,at
signature attached, am also required
20 kprp a large volume In my oflco m a
record Of the United States eases exam
ihsd by mr, I am 20 10 this at my own
expense In order that tho honor and
high moral tone Of tho nation may re-
main unsmirchod
IAN these requirements could. OF
courss. comply with. but ! am cursed
with the horrible apprehension that IN
the future I shall bs required TO do more
OF this an the expense will bc moro than
I can meet. | could now. 81 course. got
little chores around town enough for
necessary funds to buy tho records. etc.
but hofofr another year the government
may require me- 10 buy a marble top
center table and two or three paintings
by tho old masters, IN order 10 Eivo the
popular amount ~ terror TO tho United
States criminals. Thla would compel
mo To SO without a now over -oat and
undvrclpthcA OF which | am 30 sadly
In need had hoped shat with tho
financial prosperity Of tho past ycsr
thar. NUnlt - nnr saaa ~ lrAHI for
examination. for which I could realise
81 or g., ana which would case this
branch uf the department Of Justice ten.
porarily. but I haVr been disappointed all
tho way through. could squeeze along
without the oyrrcoat In order 20 act the
required record this winter. but the un.
dcrclothrH I feel as I ought TO have
Il misht do suddenly white on tho
bench. and Il would sound hatnhly n tho
Geographic dispatches were TO state that
when the post norton was held ,hc jury
found a Noriic, hal, tho United States
commissioners had died from exposure
aud q temporary ntAgna,lon OF under
clothes.
sour winters here arr quite severe and
" the department OF justice should some
day require mo In my orlcial capacity
To buy an upright piano and Keep Il on
file would have 10 ciotho myself In
my unHWrrvinE integrity and q pair OF
gold.bowcd glasses.
There n no question about tho air OF
chccrfulncHH that a piano would give to
my Once. especially II some lady were
TO be- tried on aomc charge or another,
for she could bans an overture out OF
the instrument white waiting for the
United States attorney TO come. n Il
wpuid help him 20 kill time, but the
court would have either to lock Itself IN
an adjoining closet III the defendant
had gona or ask her TO loan him 4 shawl
during tho trial,
You viii zee from .hSac suggestions
whittier We arc drifting.
II viii now turn tho office over to the
department II consists OF II pine box
with some specimens OF secondhand
chewing tobacco preserved In sawduHt
and u haid.hcAdcd feather duAt"r, Tho
department will plcato send u receipt 10
me for therr archives, uH desire to
have everything done correctly and with
tho usual amount OF precision OF delay,
I'll, Uultcd States. In my rcuignatoin,
HuHtnlnH a loai whlch II can III nrord,
and tho national Hupcrstructure becomes
almost a tottcring wreck. The popular
man may be raised up for this crisia.
but Il II not at all probable.
~ lN"U'' N""'" w " N''' 'W''
simply throw thlr Out Ns u Husrsltoh
stu he would require oIo'h''
hadn't thought Of that
Ut II very seldom thht you WIN und
q man win the hnrpy union OF Huhmil-
cations necessary Tor ms once You
may secure /" man VINO can NV" on the
dcllghtful climate ana what eolu toou nc
can secure among the %ncighbots, hut he
II liable 20 have an unBoNcrnable APP
petite Tor clothes Whl''' on ,he o'nor
hand you may ilhd u man VINO " me
exact vice versa, or Whatever you may
call II. Of the other man
You VIII perhaps wonder AZ tno uelay
OF my lnNt monthly report, but VI " easily