The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1896-04-05
Original Eagle 5=7v,.s.:!.:s'',.

happened more than $50 years ago. returned
II was told when in WATERFOWL. last fall,
that the man had never been able 10 come
into town since"
DEPEw'S DIVORCE JOKE
Mr.. Depew always goes loaded for bear in
the shape Of critical duchesses and count
esses who think 1t incumbent upon them to
sneer at America.
When meet that class the conversation
goes something like this said Mr.. Depew:
rs it really true she asked that your
divorce laws are so dreadfu.ly lax that
American courts sometimes grant divorces
IN half an hour? / have been told so by
people who have been in your country
" Indeed, ii Is not true. Such stories are
told not by your own countrymen who have
been in America, but by Americans who de-
light in shocking the English people by out
rageous stories about the United States. I
know of only one State and one town IN my
country where the divorce laws are so
frlghtfully lax as they describe. That is a
" There are two great American railways
which have very luxurious trains. These
presses. One of these trains passes over the
New York Central railway. of which have
oue 3 oa ana me oener
| tomary. believe, one-half hour before the
limited express on the Pennsylvania road
reaches the town mentioned for the con-
ductor or guard as 1T is called in Britain, to
announce that the train will stop half
hour at the next station for those desiring
fbe riv6 Of be a s tah nhe nd d
| across the street.
'' so many Americans, I regret to say
| avail themselves of this escape from matri-
| mony that the Pennsylvania limited express
| is never without patrons. Sometimes, ii the
| divorce has been mutually agreed upon by
| husband and wife, they travel together in
| the greatest luxury and good will magma
BILE, and where either party intends to-
marry again it is. L believe not uncommon
| TO accompany, as third party, the two
| persons about to obtain divorce.
| train arrives so thai the netitions NAV he
| filed, cases argued and DEGREES entered well
within the limit of the half hour which the
| railroad allows. A clergyman has his Office
next door to the courthouse. so that one.
and sometimes both, of the divorced persons
may be united to others seeking conjugal
riage has been dissolved. So, at the end of
half an hour, the Chicago limited resumes
its flight west and the couples . wao nave
ners and are already off on their second
honeymoon.
"a civilization which permits such OUT
RACES as that is simply dreadful "
ONE ON THE SOUTH.
| Mr.. Depew has a large collection of South
| ern stories. of which the following is his
| favorite:
81 went into a hotel in Georgia and said
| to the clerk:
"'Where shall autograph
Autograph gasped the clerk
"sYes; sign my NAME you know
"'Oh, right here
ct signed my name in the register. In
| little while in came some Georgia crack
/ Nm of fbcfr1 a1v
"'Wili you autograph! asked the clerk
| with a smile.
beaming sWhaI's yours. felloesr turning
| to the other crackers
s'The clerk treated with good grace Then
| he leaned back and gared at me. felt
sorry for him and was somewhat conscience
| stricken.
| from speaking foreign language IN ones
When Mr.. Depew went to register just be-
fore the late election the inspector, In &C.
| law, asked him the color of his hair.
Nearly white and very little of it," was
A ragged and bewh!skered individual
stopped Mr.. Depew on Fifth avenue and
asked for dime. He was given quarter
| and after thanking Mr.. Depew said:
MAY / ask who you are. sry
| In rather confidential tone Mr.. Depew re-
IT am Grover Cleveland. President of the
| United States. and who are your
/ Me" said the mendicant, in tone of sur
PRESIDENT of the New York Central railroad
Some paper recently said that Mr. Depew
was an artistic cigar smoker Another paper
/ took the matter up. and declared that Mr.
Depew never smoked This clash Of opinions
| led to the making of an inquiry OF Mr. De.
/ pew His reply corroborated the statement
| made by both papers. He said:
II never smoke now. but there was time
when I was an inveterate smoker. l usec
to smoke ten or twelve cigars day. 1 found
4 hat mi n
a man begins to look after his health nc
| finds lots of points he had overlooked before
/ AS for the time when did smoke. think the
| newspaper which said 1 was an artistic
| smoker was about right When ! acquired
| tend to enter upon long dissertation upon
the merits or dement's OF nicotine, but j
| must say that 1t is bad for me now, though
IT can say. unlike some others. that J
gave up the weed of py own volition nc
| manhood from evil ways had the credit of
| this reformation still take cigar in my
mouth and chew it. and that reminds me
the south recently. He had TO give up
smoking the same way that did, He. like
myself. loved to chew at a cigar. but found
LONG time saliva worked through and this
| was unpleasant. He then remediel the mat
ter by lne came to his grown SON
and told him ne had better look look. after his
that ne was chewing the lighted end OF his
cigar
This settled the matter for him He now
chews a cigar straight or not at all.
SOME OF HIS CHESTNUTS.
Once In while Mr.. Depew Is accused of
making . break At dinner given some
years ago in celebration VI the judiciary
centennial Mr.. Depew was TO speak He did
NOT set to the Lenox Lyceum until nearly
midnight and he saw 1t glance that the
eight huudred lawyers and judges. we're In .
humct Il So1lch fou eoo6 stories rather