The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1896-05-05
BILL AIsP'S PHILOSOPHY.
He Has n Controversy With Mrs. Arp
and Meets With His Usual Defeat.

and Meets With His Usual Defeat.
The peafowls stirred up small
garter snake down in the grove and
they raised such rumpus as to attract
my wife's attention. The reptile came
slipping along through the grass to.
ward the house and she screamed fOl
me, of course. 1t came in the front
yard and | killed it by the stone step,
but my wife never believes a snake is
dead as long as it's tail wiggles. | had
to keep on killing it to satisfy her, and
then hang it up in tree to make it
rain. 1t is awful dry up here, but now
reckon it will just pour down some
time. This Is the second snake that
has ever been seen here, but me wife
says she knows that the place is just
haunted with them. They always go
in pairs, she says. "Moses mentions
only one" said /, land dident mention
any until after Eve was created.
Probably Adam lived and worked in
that garden alone for many years and
| he got as sick of it as did Robinson
Crusoe. Then Eve was created for
Adams express company, and they got
along very well until the serpent be-
guiled her" "Yes, and the poor wo-
man has to bear all the blame of our
sin and misery" said my wife. "Ad-
dam said The woman Thou gavest
me did give unto me and l did eat
Why dtdert Eve say the man Thou
didst make me for did not protect me
from the wiles of that smooth-tongued
serpent. He let me eat first and take
all the risk of the danger. The old
autocrat. No telling how long he had
been acquainted with the serpent for
he knew all the animals and had
mingled with them and had dominion
over them and had given them all
names long before Eve was created
No doubt of it" said |, " for Josephus
says that the serpent lived in the house
with Adam and was very handsome and
very smart and could talk. Perhaps
they played marbles together and
went in awashing."
Yes said Mrs. Arp, and the
Lord gave the command 80 Adam about
the forbidden fruit long before Eve
was born"
She wasent born" said [.
Plty she was not, " said she. 'Thcn
she would have had a mother who
would have protected her from the
serpent and from Adam, too. The
poor women never even had choice of
lovers nor a courtship nor wedding"
Nor a trousseau nor her picture in
the papers, said |, land she dressed
Ndoly UIlb UudU UnC
climate there is about like ours. |
reckon that Adams family expenses
were very light about those times.
But later on he caught 1T, for Josephus
says he had twenty-three daughters,
and, of course, somebody put up dry
goods store in the neig h borhood and
sold finery. Fig leaves played out
early"
~ should like to know where they
got any dry goods and finery or any
money to pay for it," said she. "The
Bible says the Lord made them gar
mems of skins"
" Yes" said [, "made them for
Adam and Eve, but two or tt ee hun
dred years after that they made orna-
ments of gold and had precious stones
and made money, too, for Moses says
in the second chapter of Genesis that
one OF the four rivers flowed through a
land where the gold was good and
there, too, was bdullium and the onyx
stone. Oh, they caught on to new fash
ions mighty fast, and cut up scandalous,
and Josephus says the sons of God
were fallen angels and they saw that
the daughters of men were fair to look
upon and they mated with them and
raised aocrop of giants, and every body
got demoraliZed except Noah and his
family.
Moses tells how that wise-hearted
women spun with their hands and made
beautiful ornaments for the tabcrnacle.'
Some OF the necklaces taken from the
mummics are as fine as are ever seen
at Titfanys. The ancicnts were not
behind US in fine fabrics and ornamen-
tai arts. We read OF an ancient HindoO
princess who came into court on a
state occasion and her father said go
back, my daighter--gO back and dress
yourself. And she replied, Father,
| have on seven suits, but they were of
muslin, so odelicately fine the king could
see through them
Well, that will do now said my
wife, The baby is waking up. Bring
her to me, please. The poor little
thing can't sleep long while she is
cutting that other tooth. She is the
best and sweetest child III the world.
| wish she would cry and be cross q
little sometimes. Somehow am afraid
she is too precious to stay here long.
Tum here to your dan-ma, darling"
And little Caroline puts out her arms
and smiles and COOS and her dan-ma
feels her forehead and says Pm afraid
she has little fever and has taken q
cold When you walk out with her
you will not put on her bonnet. When
SiIiio iS OSSVLihS you S"i v W wv
careful. with them.
The other day my wife was looking
all around the room for her spectacle
When suddenly she discovered that
she had them on and she exclaimed,
We'll, | do reckon Pm the biggest
| fool in the world !" 4" No you amt
grandma" said another grandchild.
"You are the besscst fool in the
world" Her spcctacles have got too
young for her, and | must get another
! pair. What Il pity it is that these old
| grandmothers have to wear out and
pass away Mother Eve didn't. Good
gracious what a time she had with
her posterity Josephus says she had
sixty children, and if they had sixty
apiece and so on down the line and she
lived as long rs Adam did, there were
eight generations in sight, and thai
would make millions of people. Il
would make a hundred millions if eact
generation had only ten apiece.
But L must stop ruminating abou
these speculatona, for hear Mrs. Ar)
calling again on the piazza. SIS i
the other snake 2" said l.. No; bu
the baby Is fretting and wants you t,
take her and walk in the garden. b
sure and keep her bonnet on. She
running at the nose now, and sh
sneezed awhile ago\"
, Sneezing is good sign" said
: 1T is a sign the col{l is getting better,
hlt I don't make MD wife baliaue IL