The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1896-09-19

sailor The rescued one offered a shilling
to his rescuer; the latter Indignantly re-
4 fused the paltry donation. CuTfan adj
vised the wrathy Individual to take the
money, adding with caustic humor, the
man knows the value Of his own life
best -
In the days we speak of duelling was
common in Ireland In the instance re-
ferred to, however, one at least Of the
combatants regretted the hasty challenge
he had given, and when the time for the
encounter came he feigned the weakness
of limb, and begged the privilege or
leaning against the nearest milestone.
Curran was one OF the seconds and took
in the situation at q glance, saying me
accepted the offer provided his principal
was allowed to lean against the next
milestone" Perhaps one of the brightest
wits OF the Irish race was the famous
Richard B1insley Sheridan. Being once
asked by the English king if he played
cards, the Irish wit and orator said:
"Your majesty, could not tell king
from knave.'' The sovereign. saw the
point, and laughed at it with great good
humor. At the time Sheridan was lessee
of Drury Lane theater, the premises took
fire, and in tine midst Of the very con-
grafton Sheridan was enjoying his glass
in the nearest inn. His friends wondered
at his GOODNESS and Indifference; he pac1-
fed them by quietly remarking that 1t
was always allowed to a man to take a
glass; of wine by his own fireside." Walk
ing arm in arm with two noble peers in
London, he was asked whether he were
the greater rogue or focl? I'm between
the two," promptly answered the W.T.
Hearing two irate women, III open Will
dcws on opposite sides Of the street, holly
debating some vexed question, he said to
his companion: 'These two females will
never agree, because they argue from diff
ferent premises And being present at
q school examination, where one of the
scholars. through confusion Of speech,
pronounced the word patriarch as
''partridge,'' the wit suggested that the
boy was making game of the prophets"
Meeting an enragad opponent on the side
walk, the latter exclaimed: 81 never
make way for rascal The ready wit
instantly stepped aside, saying II always
do"
Listening to a prosy member III the
house Of commons, Sheridan said "that
man nor only exhausts time, but he en-
cGoaches upon eternity Having been
called upon by a distinguished lady elo-
cutionist and lecturer-naybe Mrs. Sid
dons--it was in his days Of poverty, and
he had some difficulty in finding chair
for his visitor, but his ever-ready fund IF
wit resource got him out Of the trouble,
for he instantly apologized, and re-
marked: Madame, you see wherever
you go how hard it is to provide seats.
It was an apt compliment, as the lady
drew immense houses when she de-
claimed in public.
One more example of the playful humor
OF the gifted son Of Erin, even on COM
monplace subjects. He was pressed for
settlement Of long overdue bill. The
creditor was yet generous in his terms,
for he gave his debtor the privilege to
"name day. suitable to his own con-
venience to pay up. Having that. option
then permit me to name, for time of pay
ment, the day after the day OF judg-
ment.'' But as the world knows, it is not
necessary to lock to the upper ranks OF
the Irish race for quick-Witted repartee,
as it is quite chacteriatic Of the Irish race,
and is found in abundance, even in the
humble Or most unlettered.
An Irish glazier was at his trade in
Glasgow; the canry Scotchmen We're teas
ing him upon his skill, and asked him ii
he could put in pane without putty?
He got the better Of his tornlentor by let
ting him know that he would very quick
ly put pain in his head without putty"
An Irish sailor about to leave the port
OF Greenock, Scotland, for a long voyage,
wanted to get married, and his prospect
i've better-half was willing, too-but the
minister demurred at the smallness of the
fee, and not to be baked, the insistent
son of the Green Isle demanded that the
clergyman should marry them as far as
the money would co. Hearing that the
sun never set upon the British dominions,
a genuine Celt was asked what he
thought about it. He pondered for a mo-
ment, and then said: Il can see no rea-
son for it except it be that an Englshman
is not to be trusted in the dark