New-York tribune., 1896-10-18
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

'.The Boston Transcript" tells good story about
a consignment of goods made In Germany to large
Boston china store a representative had ordered In
that country a variety of goods. and among them q
lot OF cups which are beautifully labelled TO Ny
BROTHER ITO Friend" and on through the
list of human relationships He had ordered with
the rest a lot Of mustache cups; they were well
and duly made but great was his astonshmeni
when the consignment arrived 10 find the greater
number OF the cups so contrived to protect the
beverage against the masculine hrsu,c adornmsnt
labelled thus. ITO My Sister" TO My Mother"
ITO Ny Wife" ITO My Betrothed''
The vital statistics clerk felt rather than heard
his visitor enter the office. Tie looked up from ne
desk and beheld cadaverous ana wo-pes ~. ina
yilual in whose eyes was the feverish glitter OF
one to whose lids sleep cometh not.
Poor Commission three doors 10 the iIshi. ssio
II don't want the Poor Commission. ] want to
see you said the intruder. with something yery
like defiance IN his voice. and Yet with tnat under.
of despair that aroused the sympathy OF Inc
clerk. -, -
And what can do for you?" asked the latter
1T isn't wha, you can DO for me- eIi what @ can
ing to do altogether too much, and I've go, to have
a rest | don't belong to no union ana IN w,ins
10 work overtime when its necessary but Ill
blamed If you amt trottn me ii heat that ud dls-
tance anybody but me- I've got 10 nave snyrn
hours and a day off once In while. an II DON'T
get 'em I'll quit, sec"
But my dear sir. | never saw you before I
never employed yoI Who are you ANYWAY y.,,,v..
That's who be, an l mean what say'-'ch'
cago Journal.
A delegation Of Confederate veterans acN
pallbearers the other day in Baltimore at thew
neral OF Frederick McGinns, coored. who vas w
body servant OF Jefferson Davis.
one Advantage OF Being Friendless.-"Get out
you brute" savagey shouted the dogcatcher 10 tne
lone lorn. desolate cur tha, was smiling hunsrN
or more valuable pugs and poodles on their way 70
the dog pound.-(Chcago Trioune'
There Is no truth In the report that the name d
the horse from which William Watson the post
recently fell was Pegasus
A late bishop of somewhat inauisItoral cha,.
Wardens OF parish in his diocese: fare the convsf
sation and carriage OF your clergyman consstsns
The reply was: 1--WE can't say nothing about hb
convarsion but he don't keep no kerridgs-
(I0usehod Words.
There is a policeman in Chicago who is an active
member OF the Salvation Army
Got Them All-"skorcher' perfect wreck"
What ails him."
.The doctor says he has bicycle heart. bicycle
head bicycle face bicycle eyes; bicycle tee'h ana
bicycle knees. '-(chicago Record
William Saunders. the horticulturist OF the Agr'
cultural Department. says that most OF the trees
uprooted by the recent storms were OF the son
wood varieties, and also that the trees which have
had the tops removed from time TO time have suf
fered most This he says. 10 be expected the
removal of branches. particularly when the trees
are in foliage. destroys corresponding portion OF
roots, and otherwise interferes with healthfu
growth An examination OF these overturned roots
will show that they are destitute OF vgor and veV
limited In quantity.
A New Anaesthetic-Sue-- don't see how YOU ever
had the nerve 10 have your tooth pulled before
whole class of dental students. Did you scream?
Mayme-I don't know whether did or not ~
SOON The professor tackled the tooth those hofns
students set up their college yell and scared me 50
that don't even know whether II hurt-undianar
oils Journal
A number OF Philadelphia citizens have signed ~
following petition TO the Union Traction COMPANY
OF that city: I'VE, the undersigned patrons OF inc
different trolley lines ask OF you 10 protect your
motormen from the severe weather that Is sp'
preaching by having a storm inclosure OF ssme kine
the front OF the car. We ask this not only fos
the lives Of your men. but for OWN safev.'
Raps Tor Sprits-Dukane-I saw Soker .rde, .
and the bartender served him without any delay
Gaswel-Thats a way he has. you know:
Does he always rap when he orders drinks xs .o,n
raps. you know.'-(Pittsburg Chronicle.
and w +. Kener, OF Milwaukee. are engagedtoes y
married. They are both strong Republicans, and
they have agreed In writing that II Mckinly
elected they will seal their courship In VOW I"
wedlock on November 4. but II defeated the en-
gagement is broken. The unique contract turner
specifies that neither Is ever to marry II Bryai v
elected 1t is noticed, however. that they are o'a
going on with the preparations for the wedding
At the Inquest. est.-Coroner-Is this man whom yoe
found dead on the railroad track total STRANGE.
careful in his statements,-No sor. Ills leg w
gone intoirely. lie was partial stranger-t'"~
Siftings.