The Van Buren press., 1896-01-11
"THE CYCLOPEEDY.'
BY EUGENE FIELD.

Havin' lived next door to the Hobart
| place FIR goin' on Sc years, | ealc late
that know jest about ez much about
the case ez anybody else now on airth,
exceptin' perhaps it's OF Jedge Baker,
and he's SO plaguey old md so powerful
feeble that he don't know nothin'.
1t seems that in the spring Nv '47-
the year that Cy Watson's oldest boy
wuz drowned in West river-there come
along a book agent sellin' volyumes
md tracks FIR the diffusion NV knowl-
edge, md hayin' got the recommend
of the minister md NV the select men,
he done an ALFRED big business in our
part Nv the county. His name wuz
Lemuel Higgins, nd he wuz ez likely
Il talker ez | ever heerd, barrin' Lawyer
Conltey, md everybody allowed tl,at
when Conkey wuz round he talked 80
fast that the town pump 'ud have to be
CREASED every 20 minutes.
One NV the first NV our folks that this
Lemuel Higgins struck wuz Leander
Hobart. Leander had jest married one
Nv the Peasley girls, md had moved
into the old homestead on the Plain-
vile road-old Deacon Hobart hagin'
give up the place to him, the other boys
havin' moved out west (like lot o.
darned fools that they wuz!). Leander
wuz feelin' his oats jest about this
| time, nd nuthin wuz too good FIR him.
| "Hattie," sez he, 81 guess I'll have
| TO lay in few books FIR readin' in the
winter time, md I've a half notion to
subscribe FIR a eyclopeedy. Mr.. Higgins
here says they're invalerable in a fam
lily, and that we orter have 'em, bein'
as how we're likely to have the family
pime by!"
"Lor's sakes, Leander, how you talll"
sez Hattie, blushin' all over, ez brides
alters does to heern tell Nv sich things.
Waal, to make long story short,
Leander bargained with Mr.. Higgins
for set Nv them cyelopeedies, nd he
signed his name to long printed paper
that showed how he agreed to take a
eyclopeedy oncet in so often, which
wuz to be as often ez new one Nv the
volyumes wuz printed. 4 cyclopeedy
| isn't printed all at oneet, because that
would make it cost too much; conse-
| lfently the man that gets it up has L
| strung along fur apart, so as to hit
| folks oncet every year or two, end
gin'rally about harvest time. So s.e-
ander kind Nv liked the idee, and he
signed the printed paper md made his
affidavit to it before Judge Warner.
The fust yolyume of the cyclopeedy
stood on n shelf in the old seclsretary
in the settin' room about four months
| before they had any use FIR it. One
night Squire Turner's son come over
to visit Leander nd Hattie, and they got
to talkin' about apples, nd the sort NV
| apples that wuz the best. Leander al
lowed that the Rhode Island greenin'
wuz the best, but Hattie and the Tur-
ner boy stuck up FIR the Roxbury rus
set, until at last happy idee struck
Leander, and seq he; wen leave it
to the cyclopeedy, b'gosh! Which
ever one the cyclopeedy sez is the best
will settle it'll" HEEf
"But you can't find out nothin' bout
Roxbury russets nor Rhode Island
greenins in our cyclopeedy," sez Hat
| tie.
"Why not, I'd like to knowP" sez Le-
snder, kind of indignant like.
"Cause ours haint got down to the
| r yet" sez Hattie. "All ours tells
about is things beginnin' with A.
"Well, hain't we talkin' about Ap-
plesP" sez Leander "You aggervate me
terrible, Hattie, by insistin' on KNOWN
what you don't know nothin' bout"
Leander went to the seckertary and
took down the cyclopeedy md hunted
all through it FIR Apples, but all he
could find wuz apple - See Pomolo-
ogy,"
GLOW in thunder kin | see Pomolo-
gy," sez Leander, when there amt no
Pomology to see? Col durn a cyclic.
pedy, anyhow!"
And he put the volume back onto the
the shelf nd never sot eyes onto it agin.
That's the way the thing run f'r
years md years. Leander would've gin
up the plaguey bargain but he could
| MT; he had signed printed paper md
had swore to it afore q justice of the
peace. Higgins would have had the
law on him if he had throwed up the
| trade.
The most aggervatin' feature NV 1t
all wuz that new one NV ther cussid
| cyclopeedies wuz allus sure to show up
at the wrong time-when Leander wuz
hard up or had jest been afflicted in
some way or other. His barn burnt
down twonights afore the volyume con-
tainin' the letter b arrived, nd Leander
needed all his ehink to pay FIR lumber,
but Higgins sot back on that affidavit
and defied the life out Nv him.
"Never mind, Leander," SEE his wife,
soothin' like, ''it's a good book to have
in the house, anyhow, now that we've
got a baby"
"That's so," sez Leander. "babies
does begin with b don't itP"
You see their fust baby had been
born; they named him Peaseley-
Pesseley Hobart-after Hattie's folks.
So, seein' as how it wuz payin' FIR q
book that told about babies Leander
didn't begrudge that five dollars SO
much after all.
"Leander," sez Hattie one forenoon,
"that b cyclopeedy amt no account
There aint nothin' in it about babies