Birmingham state herald. (Birmingham, Ala.) 1895-1897, 1896-11-12
BITS OF WIT.

I'll bet fifty dollars Mckinley won't get
(Fair warming; I've got inside knowl-
edge)
A majority of all of the votes that are
cast
In the coming electoral college.
Well, laugh If you will, but it's money
that talks:
You must think the wager is funny,
But here L stand ready to back what l
say,
So come on and put up your money.
Well, you're wise when you say you won't
bet, for you'd lose,
Suppose Mack has two eighty-seven,
And Hobart the same, then Bryan will
get
One hundred and sixty just even;
Sewal will get just what Bryan receives
That's eight ninety-four to be counted;
And two eighty-seven to a majority
OF the total named, never amounted
CHARLES J. COTTON,
do you like colored servants?" at
depends on the color. 1 don't care for
green ones."-Harper's Bazaar.
Somebody has invented a mirror that
will not break" Gracious, Now how
are we going to tell when there is to be
a death in the e?"-Chicago Record.
"Pop, what is promptness?' Prompt
ness! w ell, II Is ID Ddu Hdpit VI away .
being on time and getting tired to death
waiting for people who are not. -Chica-
go Record.
After the Razzle: brace up, old man,
I'll have to be off, or my wife won't speak
to me when | get home" Lucky dog.
Mine--hicl--ll talk to me all night. =
Sydney Bulletin.
Esthetic Wife (sobbing)-"Dearest, I'll
t1,nf c n
not one of those horrid bright greens. A
nice olive-gray green, with an old bronze
tombstone, will look too awfully lovely
for anything "-Tit-Bits.
A Perplexed Caller; Mrs. Mulligan-Do
you feel better this morning. Mrs.
O'Toole? Mrs. O'Toole-I do an then
again I don't. Mrs. Mulligan-Thofs
bad, for it's harrud to know whether to
say DIM sorry or glad.--Harper's Bazar.
"Well." remarked the wife of the man
who has changed his mind about coming
to congress, you have clear conscience,
anyhow" II know that" was the COM
fortress reply; but a dear conscience was
not what I was running for."-W ashing-
ton Star.
Elder Keepalong-You ought not to let
the political situation disturb you for a
single moment, my brother Providence
is watching over the affairs of this coun-
try Deacon Ironside-I don't know,
elder; 1 don't know. L am afraid Provi-
dence doesn't realize the full extent of the
danger this time.-Chicago Tribune.
"B'gosh, Bill" said the farmer with the
square jaw. ito my own knowledge you
hey changed your campaign button four
times accordin' to the speaker you heard
last. What you goin' to do to injoy your
se'f when the campaigns over?" "Wal,
said the farmer with the struggling yell
low whiskers. whats to prevent me GO
in to protracted meetin' an gettn' rel.g-
ion, sames as I've done every winter for
fifteen years? "-IndiaIapolis Journal.
Two little girls were playing together.
One pretended that she was Mrs Lin
coln and the other that she was Mrs.
Garfield. Mrs. Garfield was calling on
Mrs Lincoln, and when she was about
to leave Mrs. Lincoln said: II would be
pleased to have you remain all night,
Mrs. Garfield" to which the latter re-
Piled, politely, that she would be pleased
to do so. but had no night dress with her.
ooh. WELL" exclaimed Mrs. Lincoln, cor
daily, "I can lend you one of Abraham S
night shirtsv'-New York Tribune.