The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-07-15
nUMOR OF THE DAY.

nUMOR OF THE DAY.
81 love you unspeakably, Molly
"But perhaps you might speak to
mamma. "-Fliegende Blaetter.
Toacher-"What is an islard?'
Little johnny Squanch-"A body of
land almost entirely occupied by in
surgents. Puck.
Teacher you give me any
idea of what q hollow mockery is?"
Pupil-"Yessum our ce.chest in win
ter is. "-Roxbury Gazette.
Once more these sad conditions come
To grieve the country and the town;
The mercury now runneth up;
The porspiration runneth down.
Washington Star.
Very Amateur Singer lat evening
party)-"Let me like n soldier fall ~
Agonized Guest--"You certainly
should if had u gun anywhere handy" "
Standard.
Depth of Woo: 'Did George look
anxious when he proposed to you,
KittyP" eyes; he looked Ns if he
were learning to ride a wheel. Chi.
cago Record.
Snobson-"I feel dweadfully.
gave an ut home yesterday aud only
ten people came" Quiz-"Why don't
you give o funeral? You'd have it
crowded. Truth.
Attorney-"What was there about
the deceased that led you to belieys-Ree
was of unsound mind?" Witness
"Well, for one thing, he abhorred
bicycles. philadelphia North Ameri.
can.
Teacher -"Now, Freddie, since you
have correctly spelled Philadelphia,
can you tell mo what State it is in?"
Freddie-"Yes. sir. heard pA sny
the other day that it was in state of
coma"
Hicks-'T saw your poem in the
paper last week. How did You get
your pull with the editor?" Wicks--
"Oh, 1 didn't bother the editor, L
called upon the business manager. ~
Somerville Journal.
"Now, Johnny, do you understand
thoroughly why l am going to whip
youP" "Yes'm. You're in bad
humor this morning, an you've got 60
lick some one before you'll feel satis-
fed. "-Harlem Life.
Margaret-"Don't you think Maudo
loved ChNrlie?" Ethel-"No, dear;
it is my firm belief that she only mar
ried him for his beautiful collection
of striped outing shirts. "-Philadel-
phia North American.
He-"Which did you like best of my
verses?" why, the one on the
first page" He-"Let me see. Which
one was that2" She-"Don't you re-
member? The one in quotation
marks. ."-Harlcm Life.
"You do not go out often to dinner,
Mrs. WaddingtonP" ''No, | don't
think the best dinner on earth is sull
cient compensation for making ones
self agreeable for three hours at
stretch. Chicago Record.
Daughter -"This piano is really my
very own, isn't it, papaf" Pa-"Yes,
my dear" "And when l marry / can
take it with me, can II" Certainly,
my child but don't tell any one. 1t
might spoil your chances. Tit Bits.
Ferry-"Why don't you get mar
ried? Don't say you can't stand tho
expense. That excuse is too thin.
Hargreaves-"I could stand the ex.
pense we'll enough, hut the girls father
says he can't. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Miss Bollefcld-"Do you like Mr..
Van Braam, Nellio?" Miss Bloomfield
(who is addicted to slangl
like him 1 don't think" Miss Belle
field-"That is the great trouble with
you, Nellie. You should cultivate
habit of thought. "-Pittsburg Chron-
icle.
"What do you think of my work
with the camera?" asked tho young
man, who is an enthusiastic amateur
photographer. "It's splendid IN its
way" replied the girl who means we'll.
"lts better than any of the protes.
sional cariclturists can do. Wash
ington Star.
A Continuous Performance: "lou
remember when | proposed to you?"
said the young husband. 81 believe
do recollect something of the sort, "
answered tue young wife. "And you
told inc l would have TO see your
mother" eyes. 81 must have mis-
understood you. never dreamed
that it was the programme that !
should sec your mother every day l
came home. indianapolis journal.