Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-09-21

Wen have no comic valentines;
'Tis cheering, you'll allow,
To see the skill spent in those lines
All turned to posters now.
Washington Star.
She-Am the first girl you ever kiss
ed? He (surprised)-Why no! l have
three sisters-Somerville Journal.
She-What's your business? He
Looking for a wife. you've got a
steady job, haven't you?"-Life.
Binks-Your nephew is quite prom
ising young man, isn't he? Jinks-Well,
be has never done anything else as yet.
-Somerville Journal.
''That was bad runaway you had
the other night, Mrs. Dash" "Yes, but
it was very stylish; we had four
horses. .'-Chicag go Record.
Mrs. Brown-AIrs. Smith is a woman
of remarkable strength of mind. Mrs.
Jones-Is she? Eyes. She never buys
anything she doesn't want"-Life.
Time works strange distraction
In the object of her zeal;
She's forgot to want the ballot
Since she learned to ride the wheel.
Washington Star
Johnny-Pa, what is the difference
between a tonsorial artist and bar
Der? Mr., Wiggles-The tonsorial art
ist uses longer words-Somervill Jour
nal.
He lives in a brick house now, does
he?" sneered the rural cynic. Il used
to wipe the clay off my boots that the
bricks in tina. house are made Of
Truth.
Her Dearest Friend: Cholly-How
old do you suppose Miss Furbish is?
Gertrude-You might ask mamma Per
haps she'll MISUNDERSTANDING Lead
er
The man who thinks that women have
No lively gift of wit,
Has never asked a girl to wed,
And heard her answer nit"
Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Gazzam-Why is the ringing of
bell made obligatory upon bicycle
riders? Mr.. Gazzam-It gives their
victims time to make an ejaculatory
prayer-Truth.
Waiter (at club reStauranO-Rea
with your order sab? City Sportsman
back from a weeks fishing)-Give me
some fish; I'm tired to death of other
things.-New York Weekly.
Laura-Is it fact that your engage
ment with Willie is broken Off? Flora
Why, no; not broken off. exactly. 1t
sort of tapered off, one might say.-In-
dianapolis Journal
Johnny-Papa, what is meant by "a
person Of sangune temperament"
Papa-It means-a-it means a person
who expects n good many things that
do not happen-Puck.
Dah's lots O. folks puts in dah time
q hahdly kin endure 'em)
A-talkin' bout dab troubles Std
o. hustln' roun' ter cure EN-
Washington Star.
Ballinger-It will be sweltering
summer at the shore. How will you
manage to keep cool? Manhattan-I
shall limit my engagements to Boston
girls exclusively.-Town Topics.
Osgood-I guess Matthews intends to
run for office this year.-Wawmam-
What makes you think so? Osgood-
He's removed the fence from around
bis beautiful awn.-Cleveland Leader.
Hungry Higgins-What do you think
of this here eight-hour movement, any
way? Weary Watkins-Ef it means
not movin' moren once every eight
hours | guess it's all right-Indianapo
lis Journal.
Mrs. Buzbey-Whats all this talk the
papers are full of about 16 to /? Mrs.
Buzbuz-Oh, it's the score of some great
baseball game, l suppose. You know
how crazy men are on that subject
RoXbury Gazette.
How strangely do life's prizes go,
Awarded by the crowd;
Some triumph by the things they know,
And some by talking loud.
Washington Evening Star.
Mrs. Motherby-How are you getting
on with your singing lessons, Kate!
Miss Screecher-WeH, | think | must be
improving. | notice, anyway, that
when L practice now the neighbors
don't come and ring the doorbell to pro
test.--Somerville Journal.
She Ton the way over)-Just to think
that this big ship is absolutely under
the control of the man at the wheel.
He-Oh, that's nothing The man on
the wheel at home claims to have pow.
er enough to control the whole nation.
Philadelphia North American.
When for a lengthy hiking tour
Nacationists prepare.
The first inquiry ought to be
AS to the railroad fare.
Washington Star.
Flowery Fields-Is dere any demand
fer farm laborers between here an
Squedunk? Farmer Jones-Naw;
reckon tn farmers hev hired all TIL help
they need by this time. FloVery Fields
Shaking his paItnerl1Nake up,
Weary! We've struck de right road at
last.-Judge.
Mother-"Mary, that young Spinners