The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-07-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

In kentucky they never miss the
water when the well runs dry
Puck.
Necessity is the mother of inven-
tion," and q good many inventors
show the relationship. Puck.
In tho consideration of misfts
there's no one so bad as the cook who
can't cook.-Adams Freeman.
Oh, pretty fad, 50 blithe and grand,
Your rule is for day;
The world has Tilted Trilby and
Epoused the Roentgen ray.
Washington Star.
The cathode ray may do somo good
by making the man who can see right.
through you less inclined to boast of
his ability. Puck.
Cool, but Polite: Young Lady
"Shall you never get married, then.
Herr ASSESSOR" Gent-"Oh, yes
after you. ."-Humoristische BlOtter.
A dull and sickening thud was
heard. 1t wakened everybody in tho
house. The newsboy had tossed q
Sunday paper on the porch. Prince
ton Tiger.
"Have you seen that new-woman
barber just around the corner?' "Do
you mean to tell me that the new wo-
man has begun to shave ?"-Indianap-
oils Journal.
"Alas, father have lost my heart"
walled the heroine. Tho villain
howled: "Careless grill" no OK
claimed between his clenchod teeth. -
Philadelphia Record.
Little Tommy-"Why does the lead
er of the orchestra wave his stick about
it in that manner, mommer?" His
Mamma-"To keep the flies off the
music, ] suppose. "-BnGHAts~ Times.
As on his daily trip he went, -
The sun exclaimed: ~ vow
There's no denying that l am
The champion schOrcher now."
Washington Star.
Twynn-"I should think that
suffering man would naturally be au
excellent grammarian. Triplett-'1
don't see what that has to do with it. "
Twynn--"Well, he would be familiar
with the parts of speech. Judge.
swiss Peasant-"I was highly
plehSSu Will INC COuuuCb VI my Clby
boarders last year. The Baron sawed
ten cords of wood for me, the Baro-
ness milked the COW. aud their chill
dren took care of the geese. "--Flie-
gende Blaetter.
ENERGY" said the professor, sis
never wasted" al guess" said young
Fresh, "that the old man never famed
the air so hard that he almost pulled
his spino in two when two men were
out and the bases were full. India.
napolis Journal.
Mr.. Spriggins gently y)-"My dear,
q Boston man was shot Mt by burg
lar, and his life was saved by n button
which the bullet struck" Mrs. Sprig-
gins-"Well, what of it?" Mr.. Sprig-
gins (meelIly)-"Nothlng, only the
button must have been on. n."-Boston
Traveller.
81 thought her father was so en-.
ragged over the elopemont that he
would never forgive them, and now ho
has given them brand new bicycle
apiece" "Of different makes, mind
you. They will be fighting like cats
and dogs before II week. "-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
81 thought her father was SO en-.
ragged over tho olopemont that he
would never forgive them, and now he
has given them brand new bicycle
apiece" "Of different makes, mind
you. They will be fighting like cats
and dogs before week. "-IndiauGp-
oils journal.
In tue Far Beyond: Lord Saporias
lit is fact, as you say, that We
Englishmen have habit of standing
with our backs to tho fire. | wonder
why it is?" Miss Starzen Stripes
~ suppose it is because You know
you will have to face il some day. -
Brooklyn Life.
Greatly, Jane, dear" said Mr. Bob
better, to his wife, as they sat down in
the theatre, "your hat is entirely too
high. Take it of and put it in your
lap" "Well, l like that" snapped
Mrs. Bobbetter. "lf put that hat in
my lap, how am going to see over
itP"-Harper's BaXar.
"Remember, my son." said tho
prudent father, "that politLess doesn't
cost anything" eyes" was the re.
ply, ave heard that" "You don't
doubt it, do you?' "Well, it certain
ly costs me about So so week to got
any politeness out of the walters at
our hotel. "-Tit.Bits
1t was a pretty little love scene, tho
picture they were looking at, and tho
title was, "lhe Old, Old Story"
"What is the odd, Old Storyg" sho
asked, artlessly. ooh, reckon it is
something about getting robbed by
the umpire, or something of the sort. "
lac answered. indianapolis journal.
"If you're good boy"-tho parent
began. But the young man interrupt
ed; "Excuse me, but l know what
you are going to say. / have II new
proposition to offer. If you are real
kind to me, I'll let you take me to tho
circus instead of Uncle Richard or
Aunt Jane, or the gentleman who lives
next door. Washington Star.