Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1896-06-05
Our Layton Correspondent Praises His
Brothor-in-Law.

Yu kno that a nuzepaper korres-
pondent should be aul lie, and as
smooth as kandle. He should be
able to La on the taffy as gentla as
the deer fiji lites on the back of yuer
neck ON sultra da promised the
edditor last week that / would be
kaustic no moar. shall keep that
promis or di a trien. Between yu
and me think hav always bin as
mild as the subject would permit,
and if j failed then, am goin to
make a tremenjus effort now. Ma
be yu hav forgot that sum time ago
me and mi brother-in-law surnamed
the Jersey butcher, had a CRATE con-
troversy in the nuzepapers. It was
awl friendly too. Ma be you remem-
Der that he forgot his dignity, and
hauled me lots of bad names. But
ce says he has a CRATE respect for
me, and likes the PRESS. These ar
redeemin qualities that moves me to
sa something kind of him. He has
bin a poor devil of a farmer once as
am now. yu kno "a fello feelin
makes us wondrus kind, and if he
had KEEP that krook out of his elbo
he mite hav bin a farmin yit, an
honest farmer and then our sym
patha could hav kontinued to flo
out to him like a never failin spring.
But sorroful to relate, that krook
brot the glass so near his noze that
it bekum apparent that he would
hav to straiten his elbo or quit far
min. He quit. His talents indi-
kated butcherin as his forty, and
tina do sa he has made it howlin
suksess. The krook in the elbo don t
interfere in this bizness. His rapid
rise to fortune and to offs has bin
fenominal, and if he kin onla stand
prosperity he will surely shine along
side of David B. Hill. think he is
Davids equal now, perhaps little
moar. fear the offs itch has TUX
ON him, but ma be that will not be
an unmixed evil, for what he don't
maik bi butcherin he kin maik out
of the offs, like enuf. The wa to
du it is to sell lots of bridges, and be
kareful not to forgit emmy. His am
bishun runs hi since he has got to be
a freeholder and either that or his
butcherin has tended to ripen his
genius. Lately he has took to ritin
for the nuzepapers, to poetry, and
to runnin the merry -go-round. He
is excellent in each, and in politicks,
yu ought to see him just beats the
cars. He may well sa, "Oh for moar
worlds to konker." We ar awl so
proud of him we onla wish we could
rite in letters of fire to do his CRATE
abilities justis. Ma be sum foxes
don't kno that he is mi brother-in-
lor, but do, and want every body
else to kno it as bad as he duz, be-
cause yu see a. smart man in the
family sort of kasts q glimmer of
gratness over us awl. ma be a
little off in mi orthogrifa this week,
but hope yu will exkuse that for
hav bin reedin so meny postal cards
that he haz sent me that ma hav
unkonshusly dropped into his liter
airy stile. 1t is very fetchin how
ever as yu kin see, and well bekums
a freeholder. don't think maik
emmy mistaik bi koppying after so
hi an affishul, do yu? At least as
long as don't krook mi elbo too Of
ten. Itdon't take CRATE educashun
to fit freeholder, natural bizness
talents is what does it. tell yu he
haz bizness talents to burn, and lots
of it too. Yu must allow a little for
mi praisin mi brother-in-1or so hily
but he is a shinin lite, and told the
edditor that never could la on the
taffy so but wat everybody could see
it. Sum time ago sed sum one
should send mi brother-in-lor a
mackerel, or sumthing of that sort,
bekause the PRESS recommended fish
for brane food. We both hav CRATE
confidence in the PRESS. But 1 am
very sorry that sed that, bekause
it ma be taken as an intimashun
that he haz need of brane food. It
would be a pointless slur bekause
emmy one kin see from his ritin for
the nuzepapers that he don't need
emmy moar than he has got. If he
don't send me emmy moar postal
cards think i kin git back onto mi
natural stile of orthOgrifa again soon
Skool is out now emmy way and the
yunguns or sum of the nabors will
help me in mi spellin next time
rite. Yu needn't fix this awl up like
Bennett duz for mi brother-in-lor,
bekause think it is about rite as it
is, and don't want yu to go and
spile it. Yu kin bet yuer yaller
dawg that if he is rite, theni am
rite too. COXEY No2.