Pleasantville weekly press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1890-1911, 1896-12-16


The Press s''-Give US Mays Landing.
There are some nice people Up there
and the Press" desires to find out what
they think of the proposition to move
the county seat in this direction.
Central-Gosh, but I'm afraid to ring
em up.
The "Press''-Nonsense, go ahead!
Central-Well, I'll try it; but it seems
to me just like touching fire to powder.
Who shall call up?
The Press We'll, you might start
off with Lew Scott, our efficient County
Clerk.
Central-Here you have him.
The "Press'-Mr. Scott, what is your
opinion about the propriety of changing
the location of the county capital!
Don't you think your health would be
improved by residence in Pleasantville,
where you could be nearer home, and
where you could be in sight of Atlantic
City?
Scott--Well, perhaps so, but 1 can
manage to live here quite well upon my
present legal perquisites. Five thousand
a year and upward don't grow on every
bush in these hard times. / am disposed
TO make hay while the sun shines, for
there is no telling what kind of weather
we may have three or four years from
now. Excuse me, old boy, but l am let
ting well enough very much alone just
at this time, and if no objections are
raised III let the chaps who tie up here
permanently do the fighting. Good bye!'
Central--Who next?
The "Press'-Try Sheriff Kirby. All,
there he is! Well, Sheriff, we're not ask
ing you to hang anybody, but you have
just got warm in office, and we would
like to get at your opinions.
kirbv-Welt nv QDlQlOu is that L gOt
everlastingly warmed" before got into
office. If you don't believe it just look
at the election returns from Atlantic
City and other places. 1t was an awful
touchdown on several pocketbooks, and
when / showed the memorandums to
Charley Evans he was so overcome he
forgot to pay the conductor his fare on
the train. However, l find it was not
me personally that the people objected
to.
The 'Press'-Tell us what you think
about moving the county seat.
Kirby-Well, I've scarcely had time
to think about it. I am more interested
in getting the Board of Freeholders to
/, stand up to their promise to build me
Il new Office Why, there isn't room
enough to swing cat in this office.
The "Press"-You not obliged to
swing cats in your Office, are you!
Kirby-No, not at present, but there's
mo knowing when. may have to, and
1T is better to have room enough.
The 'Press''-Probably you will get
whatever you want, for the Board of
Freeholders seem to seize any kind OF
am opportunity for an excuse to spend
money on the old County Buildings.
Kirby-Say, go easy on those fellows.
T am afraid you'll frighten them so they
won't shell out for US much longer l
fear that some of them have an idea that
the people Of the county don't quite
have so little for it. Please 'let up on
them a little bit.
The "Press''-We have nothing to "let
np." The Press" prints only the truth
and figures gathered from official
sources
Kirby-That's where the trouble comes
in. The truth is the worst thing in the
world TO deal with, especially when its
1'agin'' anybody. / fancy that is ex-
actly what the Board don't want pub
lished.
The "Press''-We shall print some more
of it one of these days, and it may in
clude accompanying documents" as
they lay in Congress Good bye!
CentralAnybody else?
The "Press"-Yes, one more. We
want to talk moment with some real
good man who will give us reliable in
formation concerning the situation.
CentraEOh, you mean Mr.. lizard!
The "Press" hear that he is 9
square man, and he will probably tell
us the real facts?
CentralEHere he is right fresh from
Sunday school convention.
The "Press"-Glad to hear you, Mr..
Lizard. Tell us the straight news right
from headquarters. You have been
around there long time.
Izzard-You bet! and | am going to
remain to pilot lot more of the new
comers yet. / can steer them straighteI
through the legal technicalities than the
line an old topper strikes when he goes
to gin mill. But say, old man, you
hurt. our feelings dreadfully when you
talk Of removing our County Buildings
The "Press''-Your County Buildingsi
Izzard-Yes; that is, well, l suppose
| strictly speaking. after the manner Of
| the worlds people, that the rest of the
| ownership in them, but things seem tt
be ours by right of possession, and We
| have always tried to convey that idea t.
| everybody. Why, it fairly makes my
| joints crack and the marrow sizzie in my
| bones to hear you fellows down in Pleas
antville talk about casting us adrift.
The Press That would not necessarily
| follow; but judge you are not in favor
| of rotation in Office.
| Izzard-None of us are up here. VIZ
want to remain right where we are al
| long as we live, and anybody who ii
opposed to that must be an enemy t(
everything that is good. Why, bless
your soul. man, it is nothing short o.
high treason to talk the way the Press
has of late. What would become of tht
county, I'd like to know, if the county