The Monmouth inquirer., 1896-07-02
FELSENTHALS' GUN.
rALE or. A CHICAGO FAMILY OF AN
GENT LINEAGE

How They Celebrated the Glorious Fourth.
firing Bcwun at Sun Up-Eor Eiehteen
Hours Is Fat Bellied Cannon Roa<ed De
farce to Kayishers of Libersy.
The Felsenthals lived in Desplsfnes
street, patriarchal family Of a. Lineage
SO ancient that they might have claimed
relationship with the crepuscular forms
Of life, own kiusmen to the amoebae
and their fellow sristocrats. They kept
rag shop, and it was their purpose to
conciliate at times, to placate more often,
occasionally to- Bewilder the products.of
another race-a very old and honorable
race, to be sure--which crossed the orbit
Of civilization to- the lasting terror Of
the stars some 2, 600 years after Moses.
There was Solomon Felsenthal, pa
triarchal as to beard and mien, slow but
sure Of speech, to whom all the tene-
ment looked up as if his queer old hand
had guided the way to the tablets of
stone. There was his young brother Da-
vid. There were SoIomon's David and
David's Solomon and Solomon s David 8
Solomon and David's Solomon's David
and Roses Racl,e Il and Rachel's Rosy
and Lewis and Jacobs and Isaacs until
the Irish neighbors, skilled enough in
discriminating Mikes Paddy from Pad
dy's Mike and Big Mike from Little
Mike, were in distress to properly differ
entiate, but classed the ragman's 8 family
as "thim Filsinthals, and made de-
scriptive particulars as the Filsinthal
that lost his ear or the Filsinthal
that belongs to the Sicond rigiment- =
It was Dayid's Solomon's David who
owned the Fourth Of July cannon, as
much as any one of that pastoral family
could own anything as an Individual
The cannon was a curious contraption,
long as it was broad, with huge belly
resting on wooden carriage, gaping
mouth and general appearance Of sui
len ferocity, in which it was challenger
by nothing else under the heavens ex-
cept the pictured Gila monster. 1t
would hold as much powder as man
could carry in his hat. It was touched
off with a slow fuse In Its commissions
it leaped upward and bounded as much
as ten feet. 1t had come to the Felsen-
thals in the course Of business, and tho
use Of it for patriotic purposes had been
suggested by the cannon of the Quinn
boys across the street Thereafter the
Quinn cannon spit and barked in vain.
1t is the Fourth of July-the morn
ing. There have been various trivial
outbursts of explosive patriotism in the
barrooms along Madison street. Sundry
bibulous persons have set off crackers in
,afx ar.txS,
from their fellow passengers and the
top of the handle brake from the con-
ductor. But at last silence comes The
city lies asleep and the blanketing hush
of the hour before dawn has settled up
on its chimneys. Suddenly
Crashl Bangl
Little boys and young men awaken
and rub their eyes. Feverish older peo-
pie toss over in their beds and cry.
3D. those Felsenthals. . A thrill Of
life runs through the west side A
cracker starts, another, bunch in a
barrell The saloon keeper on the corner,
with his suspenders hanging from his
hips, blunders to the door, and, sighting
with an eye like slit in poached egg.
fires both barrels of his shotgun into his
neighbor's windows. The Husher boys
have exploded the anvil in their fathers
smithy. The fire wagons are scurrying
to Strunk' barn Herman Fink, tapster
under Toms lodging house-he and his
hired help are wrestling out the trees IN
tubs that signalize holiday to West
Madison street. Brief, another inde-
pendence day has dawned on the west
side.
But are the Felsenthals moved by the
Importance of their situation? Are they
concerned because they have awakened
100, 900 of their fellow citizens to an
adequate appreciation of American inde-
pendence? Not they. If aFelsenthal had
put his name to the Declaration Of Inde-
pendence or bawled his defiance at Lord
North i'll the house of burgesses, you
would have learned of it from other
lips. Not from theml What have the
scions of a race that blinked in the twi-
light Of history to do with the day be-
fore yesterday? Their business is at
hand. 1t tconsists in firing the fat bellied
cannon for l8 hours.
Thus soberly and orderly proceeded
the FelSenthal celebration in the alley
back Of the rag shop, one shepherd sue
ceeding the other in superintendence of
the cannon. The cannon itself was true
to its employers. It belched out flame
and coughed and roared and leaped
across the alley and hurled his frozen
fat against the clapboards of the under
takers house next door. Other weapons
might fail. The roar of crackers and
firearms would pause, would fiutter,
would break out i'll crazy discord, would
pause again. But with the punctuality
Of cosmic cause the Felsenthals' cannon
renewed its sullen defiance to the ravish-
ers of liberty.
Evening came and it was still bray
ing. The Felsenthals gave no heed to
the geegaws of celebration Red fire
burned from Fischer's -four mill to the
new hay market and the balls of roman
candles burned around the spires Of st.
Patrick's church and rockets ran fiery
course above Maskell's hall But no
IiOht ylaamed in front of fIa 1acr shon