davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
The Deal Didn't Go Through.

A man with o red nose which looked
chronic and had the air of being legiti-
mately acquired called at the office Of a
big life insurance company, and address,
ing the first official he happened to meet
said:
"Sir, am insured for $1,000 in your
company"
"Well?"
"The policy, strange to say, is made out
In the name Of my wife. She has posses
sion Of it.
"Not strange at all, but eminently prop
err" said the official.
''And If could get hold Of the policy
would hook It," continued the man with
the red nose, "but she keeps it hid. am
here, however, for the purpose Of making
a proposition to you, and the whereabouts
of the policy is neither here nor there.
Are you open to deal?"
"We are" answered the official coldly.
"Well, here Is my plan. Since cannot
raise anything on that policy spring up
nightfall shall bea dead man, and you'll
have to pony up that IS, 000."
''How do you make that out?" demand
ed the official in tones Of surprise.
Simply because cannot get drink, "
replied the policy holder. eff whisky is
not forthcoming, perish. simply lie
down and stiffen out, and you lose your
money. A quarter of a dollar, however,
will save my life and save you 5000 bones.
Twenty-Five cents fixes me, and I live.
Without it I breathe my last and prove a
dead loss to you. II | survive however,
my wife will go ON paying premiums, and
who knows but what may become a Gen.
tenarianS"
He looked anxiously at the Official but
the latter seemed to be frozen solid.
"Do I get the quarter9" he demanded
after pause.
"You do not" was the reply in icy
tones.
Every we'll" And he sighed heavily.
"That settles it, Make out your death
claims and things. FIJI up the check pay
able to the order Of my weeping widow.
Charge me to profit and loss"
He walked heavily out. - Louisville
Times
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
A Candid Friend.

A friend of Mr.. x. has recently married
very wealthy but very stout widow.
Soon after no had returned from the bridal
trip and had taken up his residence in
Medford he gave a house warming.
Among the guests who enjoyed his hospi-
tality was Mr.. X. After making tour Of
the house he repaired to the dining room
to congratulate his host, who stood smil-
ing by the side of his generously proper
toned spouse.
"Fine house, George" began Mr.. X.
"Glad you like II"
Superb grounds"
edo you think sos''
ooh, yes. And magnificent view"
"We are rather pleased with It,"
"1'hat cutglass is beautiful
"Gifts from friends"
Pictures look like old masters.
''5everal Of them are
Mr.. X. could not longer restrain his en-
thusiasm.
sBy thunder, George, ?" he said oonfiden.
italy, ''you have married fat thing. -
Boston Budget.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
ExEoUTIvE OFFICE.


Santa Fe, n. NJ, February Z.
Whereas, on or about the first day of
February, 1896, Albert j. Fountain and
his son, Henry Fountain, we're kidnapped
by unknown parties, supposed to be
three in number, on the road between Tu-
larosa and San Agustin, in the county of
Dona Ana, and have either been murder
ed or carried captive into the San Fran
cisco or Guadalupe mountains, as indi-
Gated by the trail leading in that direc-
ton;
Now, therefore, for the purpose of se-
curing their speedy release If alive or the
discovery of their bodies If dead, and the
arrest and conviction of their murderers,
l, W. 7. Thornton, governor of the terri
tory of New Mexico, by virtue of the au-
thority in me vested, do issue this procla-
nation calling upon all good citizens of
the territory, and especially of the coun-
ties of Dona Ana, Lincoln, Eddy and
Chaves, to turn out and aid the authori-
ties in searching for the said A. j. Foun-
tain and son, if alive, and their bodies if
dead, and that thorough search be made
through all the eastern portion Of Dona
Ana, southern portion of Lincoln and
the western portion of the counties Of
Chaves and Eddy, and that all due effort
be made to rescue the victims and bring
the criminals to justice.
The crime perpetrated is so grave and
heinous that it behooves all good citizens
who wish to see crime stopped and theguil-
ty punished to turn out and do their whole
duty, and as far as possible protect the
honor and reputation Of our territory by
promptly discovering and bringing to
punishment the guilty parties.
W. T. THORNTON,
Governor of New Mexico.
By the Governor:
LoRIoN MILLER,
Secretary.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
1t Is . Fight to a Finish.

The man with tho yellow whiskers was
in philosophic mood.
II have noticed" said he, dropping four
Jumps Of sugar in his cup to sweeten the
coffee grounds, 'that in an argument with
a man the woman always has the last
word
Correct" said the man with the v
shaped nose, glancing reaeotively at his
empty plate.
"And in an argument between two wo-
mem
The man with the shaped nose did
not deign to notice an admonitory cough
from the man with the barbed wire beard.
-''death alone can decide who is the
victor"
Mrs. Skraggs left the table, ostensibly
to SEQ about dessert, but the most casual
observer could see that she was angry
about something. New York World.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
An Enective Threat.

The following notice is posted on the
walls Of a bootblack's shop in Boston,
ANY Of the Help Going to sleep or set.
Ing on the steps will have water thron on
them.''
The photography is little faulty for
Boston, but 1t does not impair the effect
of the threat, none Of the help having been
seen Selling on the steps or caught nap.
ping .-Boston Courier.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
CITY of Mexico,

Round trip tickets will be sold by the
Mexican Central railroad for three or
four days following the contest, at the
low excursion rates named below: Ell
Paso, Texas, to City of Mexico and return,
$50. Side rides from main line points
on the Mexican Central railroad will be
given on these tickets at very low rates.
Tickets will be limited for return pas
sage thirty days from date of sale, and
tickets issued from other points to Ell
Paso for the Athletic Contest will be ex-
tended, allowing passengers to make the
trip to Mexico. Call on agents of the
Santa Fe Route for particulars.
II. s. LuTz, Agent,
Santa Fe, N. NJ.
G. I. NICHOLSON, q. P. A.,
Chicago, Ill.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Every man has his price, sententiously
announced the philosopher of the all
night drug store, where the franchise of
the street railroad was being discussed.
Well, said the wit of the establishment,
wish somebody would discover my price
and offer it to mt. My boy, solemnly re-
marked the perfumery drummer, who had
not spoken before that evening. There
is no smaller coin made than cent.
And for several minutes there was no
sound heard save the drip, drip, drip Of
the real mineral waters from the hydrant
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
Gold at Cripple Creek.

The best way to get there is over the
Santa Fe Route. The fabulously rich
gold mining district of Cripple Greek,
Colo, is attracting hundreds of people.
By spring the rush bids fair to be enor-
nous. That there is an abundance of
gold there is demonstrated beyond doubt.
Fortunes are being rapidly made.
To reach Cripple Greek, take the Santa
Fe Route, the only standard guage line
direct to the camp. Through Pullman
sleepers and chair cars. The Santa Fe
lands you right in the heart of the Cripple
Greek.
Inquire of nearest ticket agent, or adj
dress Geo. L. Nicholson, G. p. A., A.. 7. Il
8. +. R'y., Monadnock Block, Chicago.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Connections with main line and
branches as follows:
At Antonito for Durango, Silverton
and all points in the San Juan country.
AT Alamosa for Jimtouu, Creole, Del
Norte, Monte Vista and all points In the
San Luis valley.
At Salida with main line for all points
east and west, including Leadville.
At Florence with F. 4 c. G. r. r. for
the gold camps of Cripple Creek and
Victor.
At Pueblo, Colorado Springs and Den
yer with all Missouri river lines for all
points east.
Through passengers leaving Santa Fe
at a. m. take supper at Alamosa, at
which point through sleeper will be re-
served If desired. .,...
For further information address the
undersigned.
T. J. HELM, General Agent,
Santa Fe, N. NJ.
S. K. HooPER, G. p. A.,
Denver, Colo.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
The Tyranny of the Desk.

We will suppose that your occupation
is sedentary-that You are chained, so to
speak to the desk in some counting house,
or perhaps to the loom in some vast mill
where You are compelled to labor from
morning till night. Sunday is your only
day of relaxation. Your return home
every evening wearied mentally and bodi-
ly. Your health and strength begin to
fail. What will most effectually recuper-
ate your vital energy? The weight of
evidence points to no other con-
clusion than that Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters is your safest, most reliable sheet
anchor. Use it persistently, and your
system will soon regain it's pristine vIgor.
Every function will receive healthful
impulse. There is no remedy to equal
the Bitters for nervousness and want of
sleep, dyspepsia, constipation and bill
iousness. 1t averts and remedies all forms
of malarial disease, and is preventive
of rheumatism and neuralgia.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Our people are growing more and more
in the habit Of looking to A. G. Ireland
for the latest and best of everything in
the drug line. They sell Chamberlains
Cough Remedy, famous for its cures oil
bad colds, Group and whooping cough.
When in need of such medicine give
this remedy trial and you will be more
than pleased with the result.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
Notice for Publication.
HON estead Entry No. 1904

LAND OFF1cE AT SANTA FR, N. NJ,
January 81, 1886.
Notice is hereby given that the follow
ing.namel settler has fled notice of his
intention to make final proof in support
of his claim, and that said proof will be
made before the register or receiver, at
Santa Fe, N. NJ, on March IA, 1896, viz:
Victor Roibal, of Pecos, N. NJ, for the 5.
g. a of section 8, tp. 16 n, r. 13, o.
He names the following witnesses to
prove his continuous residence upon, and
cultivation of, said land, viz: Prudencio
Gonzales, Juan R. Sandoval, Frank Emer-
son and Tomas Varela, all of Pecos, N.
M. JAMES Fl. WALKER,
Register.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

II is big thing to say, bu. neverthe-
less true, that great multitude of people
have crowned Simmons Liver Regulator,
the king of Liver Medicines" There is
nothing like it for malaria, rheumatism,
chills and fever, constipation, biliousness,
sick headache, indigestion and all troubles
arising from sluggish or diseased liver.
Simmons Liver Regulator is the preyen-
ton and cure for these ailments.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
At the Golden Gate.

"No," she answered, "[ do not love
you"
"But, he persisted, with the energy Of
despair, ~ have BEEN convicted of murder
most foul"
The San Francisco society girl shook
her head.
"True,' she said, "but upon merely
circumstantial evidence"
In matter as important as the disposal
of her heart she could not be too careful.
DETROIT Tribune.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL.

She knows fables allegoric
She is up in things historic,
Brownings language metaphoric
She'll decipher il you please.
Orbits normal and erratic,
Knotty problems mathematic,
Both dynamical and static,
She'll explain to you with ease.
In the classics she's teaser,
And 1t really seems to please her
To read Xenophon and Caesar,
Homer, Virgil and the rest.
You will find with wonder that in
Ancient tongues she loves to chat in.
Such as Sanskrit, Greek and Latin,
With great fluency and zest.
She can talk Of bolts electric,
Prove all theorems geometric,
Weighing planets is pet trick
OF this young and learned maid.
But her mind will be so weighted
By the time she's graduated
That with knowledge she'll be stated
am very much afraid.
Cupid's darts she oft has parried,
But her heart will yet be carried,
And she'll probably be married
By an everyday young man.
Then she'll find with household fretting
Not to mention cares that set in,
Her vast learning she's forgetting
Just as quickly as she can.
New York Press.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
Threw Away His Canes.

Mr.. D. Wiley, ex-postmaster, Black
Creek, N. Y, was 80 badly afflicted with
rheumatism that he was only able to
hobble around with canes, and even then
it caused him great pain. After using
Chamberlain's Pain Balm he was so much
improved that he threw away his canes.
He says this liniment did him more good
than all other medicines and treatment
put together. For sale at so cents per
bottle by Ireland's pharmacy.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
Bicycle Term.
Human Consistency.

II have killed 100 men in BATTLE" said
the warrior.
"What great man" said the men.
"What brute!' said the women.
"But they We're mostly Indians.
"The survival Of the flttest," said the
Darwlnian.
1.-THE valor of greater numbers and
heavier arms" said the satirist.
"And II killed only one," said the
murderer.
Hurry him to the electric chair" said
they all with absolute unanimity. New
York Recorder.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Mother. hear that the lieutenant had
the mpudence to kiss yon at the station
What did you do. Daughter. Oh, I
kissed him, too, 30 as to make people
think we were relatives.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
Notice for Publication.
Homestead No. 1921.

LAND OFFICE AT SANTA FEE, N. NJ, !
January 81, 1896.
Notice is hereby given that the follow.
ing.named settler has fled notice of his
intention to make FINAL proof in support
of his claim, and that said proof will be
made before the register or receiver, at
Santa Fe, N. NJ, on March IA, 1896, viz:
Tomas Varela, of Pecos, N. NJ, for the
ne u, of section 8, tip 16 n, 13e.
He names the following witnesses to
prove his continuous residence upon, and
cultivation of, said land, viz: Manuel
Pine, Martin yarela, Victor Roibal,
joaquin Roibal, of Pecos, N. NJ.
JAMES H. WALKER,
Register.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Little Bess. We're going to play keep
ing house. I'll be mamma and Willy will
be papa. I'd let you be papa, only you
treat the dollies so mean Little Tommy
Harlem. Shucks! | don't care. I'll be
ianitor,
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

j. W. Pierce, Republic, Ia, says: 81
have used One Minute Cough Cure in my
family and for myself, with results 30 en-
triely satisfactory that can hardly find
words to express myself as to its merit. I
will never fail to recommend it to others,
and on every occasion that presents it's
self. Newton's drug store.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
At hletic Contests : FL Paso, Texas

At hletic Contests = FL Pas0, Texas,
February 14.3O, 1890.
For the above occasion the Santa Fe
Route will place on sale tickets to Ell
Paso and return at one fare for the round
trip, ($l3.4O). Dates Of sale February
II, 10, IA and 10, 1896. Final return
limit February %, 1896. Low rates to
the City Of Mexico and other points in
Old Mexico after the contest is over.
Call on agents Of the Santa Fs Route for
particulars. HIS. Lutte, Agent,
Santa Fs, N. NJ.
g. T. NICHOLSON, @. p. A.,
Chicago, Ill.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

high liver with torpid liver will
not be long liver. Correct the liver
with DeWitt's Little Early Risers, little
pills that cure dyspepsia and constipa-
tion. Newton's drug store.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
Room For Its Ripening.

she-You are very well acquainted with
Miss Rugglesi
He-Oh (shrugging), yes.
She---Why, heard that you two were
engaged
He-Yes; that's all. Chicago Record.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Critic. Oh yes; I think you might
easily adapt Hamlet to the capabilities of
your company. Manager. What sug
gestions would you make? Critic. Well,
I should have all the killing shifted to the
first scene.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

"Give me liver regulator and can
regulate the world" said genius. The
druggist handed him bottle of De Wits
Little Early Risers, the famous little
pills. Newton's drug store.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Quick in effect, heals and leaves no
soar. Burning, scaly skin eruptions
quickly cured by DeWitt's Witch Hazel
Salve. Applied to burns, scalds, old
sores, it is magical in effect. Always
cures piles. Newton's drug store.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

What, asked the neophyte; is the diff.
ference between wit and humor? The
cornfed philosopher lodged the question.
TIL exemplify, said he. A wit is hu-
morist with dyspepsia.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

One Minute Cough cure touches the
right spot. 1t also touches it at the right
time If you take it when you HAYES cough
or cold. See the points Then don't
cough. Newton's drug store.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

HE. old man WHO
looks out at the
world with clear
and healthy eyes
cannot help feeling
great qualification at
the thought that his
children and his
children's children
have inherited from
him no weakness nor
tendency to disease.
The healthy old man
is the man who has
throughout his life
kept his digestion
good and his blood
pure. Once in
a while you find such
a man who has never
taken any medicine.
That man has lived
a perfectly natural
life. Not one in a
thousand does do it.
S o m e ii m es very
slight indiscretions
or carelessness pave
the way for serious
sickness. The germ
theory of disease is
we'll authenticated,
and germs are every
, where. This need
make no difference
80
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
sUNBEAMS.

Bacon. So your friend is engaged to
that Boston girl, after all. Egbert. Yes.
How did he melt herr He didn't; be
simply froze to her.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
"Three Classes Of Men, :

illustrated, is sent free, sealed, by mail upon
application. Every young. m1ddlo-ogc0
az old man suffering the slightest weakness
should read II. It will chow an easy. SURE
healik when everything else 80 failed.
The CAMDEN ELECTRIC CO.,
No. eae Sixteenth st., Denver, Col.
Also New York. Chicago 4 Londep, Eng.
largest Electro Medical Conce~. In the Worldi
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
A Coptented Client.

II tell you what, Heymann the lawyer
is cute fellow and no mistake! ought
to know, for he lately defended my son."
Flows thatf thought your son had
been sentenced?"
Eyes, but only for a twelvemonthP p
Kladderadatsch.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

II not only is so, it must be go, One
Minute Cough Cure acts quickly, and
that's what makes it go. Newton's drug
store.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

Don't invite disappointment by ex-
perimenting. Depend upon One Minute
Cough Cure and you have immediate re-
lief, It cures Group. The only harmless
remedy that produces immediate results.
Newton's drug store.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
RHEUMATISM,
LUMBAC0,
SC|ATICA,
LAME BACK,
DEBILITY, Etc.

When a tribe will buy the greatest healing
i Rsit IL q complete body battery for self
sreof1nent, and guaranteed, or money
Rounded. II will cure without medicine
SsacE. Kidney and liver Complaints,
NeryCus Debility, weakness, losses,
SSrnins ana All elects Of early indiscrc.
zion or exceas. TO weak men y % IT.
rreafest DOseible boon, a. the milo,
SOOthlng electric current ID applied
Tlireet Il, the nerve centers and improve
ments are felt from the arst hour used
A pocket edition OF the celebrated electro
medical work.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

healthy man. Germs 60 through the
healthy body without effect. They are
hurried along rapidly and thrown off before
they have time to develop or increase. Let
them once find Judgment or let them find
weak spot, they will develop by the million
and the blood will be full of them. Instead
of rich, ife-giving properties, the blood will
be sluggish, putrid tide of iinpurity. In
stead of giving strength to the tissues, II
will force upon them unwholesome and
nutritious matter, and the man will
lose flesh. The more flesh he loses and the
weaker he becomes the more susceptible
he is to disease. His trouble will become
complicated and serious consequences will
follow Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
covery is the only medicine that absolutely
and infallibly cures all blood diseases, and
almost all diseases are blood diseases. 1t
isn't a medicine for some one particular
so-called disease. 1t is a medicine for the
sVhole body. It forces out all the germs of
disease replaces impurities with rich, red
blood feeds the tissues and makes strong.
healthy flesh.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
Taken Too Literally.

Her Husband-How fond you are of
millinery, my dear. wish l were hat
or bonnet
His Wife-I wish you we're. could
change you for another when I got tired Of
you.-Fun.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

First crook (sadly.) I'm de unluokiest
mug in der world. l sand-bagged Teller
coming out of bank ter find that he'd
just been in and deposited all his dough
Second Crook. Why didn't yer sand-bag
one goin' in, den? First Crook. did.
He was goin' in ter draw some money.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11
We are
positive.

We used to say: I'VE
think our service to
Omaha, Peoria. Chioa-
go, st. Joseph, Kansas
City and St. Louis Is bet
ter than that of any
other line.
En Now we say I'VE
@ !: !: !; 8;
e.zz=&1&a road from Denver to the
East now use our line
and our line only.
For tickets and full
information call on the
local ticket agent or
write to
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

G. W. vALLERy, General Agent, Denver.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

The little daughter of Mr.. Fred Webber,
Holland, Mass, had a very bad cold and
cough which he had not been able to cure
with anything. gave him % cent bot
tie Of Chamberlains Cough Remedy, says
w. p. Holden, merchant and postmaster
at West Brlmfeld, and the next time I
saw him he said it worked like charm.
This remedy is intended especially for,
acute throat and lung diseases such as
colds, group and whooping cough, and it
is famous for its cures. There is no CAN
ger in giving it to children for it con-
tains nothing injurious. For sale by Ire
lands pharmacy.
Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-02-11

s. K. HOOPER, G. p. A.,
Denver, Colo.