davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Worse Than Indians.

$50 you were a pioneer in the early
days of the West?'
'I was" answered the graybeard.
''You lived among the hostile In
dians ?''
ayes"
"Lived with rifle in your hands
and in hourly expectation of being the
mark for a hidden enemy's bullet"
at was something like that"
'sDo you know, often think that
life like that must be terrible. i should
think the mere strain on the nerves
would kill man in short time
holding your life in your hand all the
time, always conscious that moments
relaxation of vigilance may mean
death"
"Oh, | don't know" replied the
graybeard. "When l came back from
the West / was 60 years old and did
not have "a gray hair. | got off the
railroad train and started to walk
across the street. Half way over |
heard the dingedest changing and yell
ing righ. at my heels | ever heard and
somebody gave me push that sent
me clear to the curb. Then, when i
looked around, | saw I'd come within
and ace of being run over bya trolley.
Never had so narrow escape from In
dians.
81 went into a saloon close by to get
a drink and settle my nerves While
| was standing at the bar a couple of
fellows got into scrap and one of
them threw heavy beer mug. Didn't
hit the other fellow, but it came within
sixteenth of an inch Of my right
temple.
81 started To walk up town and the
first crossing | came to policeman
grabbed me by the shoulder and jerked
me across so quick it made my head
swim. | looked To see what was the
matter, for there were no car tracks on
the street. and saw | had just escaped
being run down by a hackman hurry
ing to catch a train.
"Up-street a little further, somebody
yelled: Look outr at me, and when /
jumped, big icicle fell and struck
where had been standing.
81 got to my hotel and was heading
for the door when somebody grabbed
me and asked me if | wanted To be
killed. They were hosting a safe into
second story window over where I'd
been trying to go and | hadn't more
than got out of the way before a rope
broke and it dropped.
~ went to bed and about midnight
! was called up by bell ringing over
my head and found the place was on
fire, and | had to slide down a rope to
escape. Being a sound sleeper, they'd
had hard work to wake ME, and | had
barely touched the ground when the
roof fell in.
"When | looked in the glass | saw
the first streaks of gray that had evel
showed themselves in my hair. Oh,
there's dangers in civilized life as vel
as out on the plains n'-Bufialo Ex'
press.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
WHOLE NO. 1856.
An Hours Walk.

Have you ever thought Of the dist
ance you travel while you are out on
an hours stroll? Possibly you walk
three miles within the hour, but that
does not by any means represent the
distance you travel. The earth turns
on its axis every "a hours. For the
sake of round figures we will call the
earth's circumference $4,000 miles, and
so you must have travelled during the
hours stroll 1000 miles in the axial
turn of the earth.
But this is not all. The earth makes
a journey around the sun every year,
and long but rapid trip it is. The
distance of our planet from the sun we
will put at 92,0OO0OO miles. This is
the radius Of the earth's orbit-half the
diameter of the circle, as we call il.
The whole diameter is therefore lS4,-
100000 miles, and the circumference,
being the diameter multiplied by 3. l4l6,
is about 57s,OOO,0O0.
ni- aiHNsehtN NhN
travels in its yearly journey, and divid-
ing il by 365 we find the daily speed
about $4,000. Then, to get the dis
tance you rode around the sun during
your hours walk, divide again by "a,
and the result is about $1,000 miles.
But this is not the end of your hours
trip. The sun, with it. entire brood of
planets, is moving in space at the rate
of l60, 600, 600 miles in year. This is
at the rate of little more than 43S, 900
miles day, or IS, 80 miles an hour.
so, adding your three miles of leg
travel to the hours axial movement OF
the earth, this to the earth's orbital
journey, and that again to the earth's
excursion with the sun, and you find
you have travelled in the hour s., ,253
miles.-Cincinnat Enquirer.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Free Pills.

Send your address to III. f. Bucklen
& Co., Chicago, and get a free sample
box of DIR. Kings New Life Pills. A
trial will convince you Of their merits.
These pills are easy in action and are
particularly effective in the cure of
Constipation and Sick Headache. For
Malaria and Liver troubles they have
been proved invaluable. They are
guaranteed to be perfectly free from
every deleterious substance and To be
purely vegetable. They do not weaken
by their action, bat by giving tone To
stomach and bowels greatly invigorate
the system. Regular size 25e. per box.
Sold at j. v Snyder's drug store,
Somerset, or Brallier's drug store,
Berlin.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
She Didn't Like Smoke.

On third avenue car this morning
an inoffensive young man sat on the
back seat and pulled at cigar of the
Ell Cabbage brand. At Grand street a
little, wiry, nervous woman boarded
the car. She paid her fare in pennies
and then turned upon the young man.
"You are no gentleman" she said.
81 amt lady, either" said the
young man cheerfully.
II only wish your father was here, "
calculated the woman.
Lucky for him he amt" said the
young man, "seeiD' it's leap year"
The passengers laughed and the con-
ductor snickered. The woman was
angry. She began to abuse the con-
ductor and threatened to report him.
''What have | done ?n asked the con-
ductor plaintively.
"Wby don't you put that man OFF,"
wrathfully demanded the woman.
"He's smoking"
"He has the right to smoke,h said
the conductor. "Read that sign"
The woman read, and then, with a
very red-face, said:
"Well, you have been insolent,
anyway, and shall report you and
have you discharged"
"You may make your complaint,
madam" said fine-looking old gem
tleman, who had listened to the fore
going, "but it will receive no atten-
tom
"Who are you?" snapped the
woman.
Merely one of the directors of this
road" said the old gentleman.
The woman bIushed and left the
ear.
care you really director of this
road ?" asked reporter for the Mail
and Express.
"Nit," chuckled the old man.-New
York Mail and Express.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23

In recent letter to the manufacture
ers Mr.. w. +. Benjamin, editor of the
Spectator, Rushford, n. Y, says: at
may be pleasure to know the high
esteem in which Chamberlain's medi-
eines are held by the people of your
own State, where they must be best
known. An aunt of mine, who resides
at Dexter, Iowa, was about to visit me
a few years since, and before leaving
home wrote me, asking me if they
were sold here, stating if they were not
she would bring quantity with her,
as she did not like To be without
them" The medicines referred to are
Chamberlain's Cough Remedy, famous
for its cures of colds and Group; Cham
berlain's Pain Balm for rheumatism,
lame back, pains in the side and chest,
and Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and
Diarrhoea Remedy for bowel COM
plants. These medicines have been
in constant use in Iowa for almost q
quarter of a century. The people have
learned that they are articles of great
worth and merit, and unequaled by
any other. They are for sale here by
Benford's Pharmacy.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Exeunt Cheering.

1t is reported that when the German
man-of-war Iltis went down in a ty-
phoOn of the Chinese coast the other
day, the captain and the crew gathered
on the deck and cheered for the En-
peror as they were swept down into
eternity. One likes to believe in such
stories of brave deeds, but, alas one
can not help remembering the number
of exactly similar stories which have
so frequently been diseredited when
history undertook to revise her first
account.
There was the French Vengeur-a
notable example. She was part Of the
French fleet defeated by the British
under Lord Howe on June l, 1874. Ac-
cording to the legend invented by Ba-
rere and besung by French poets and
bewept by the French public ever
since, lie Vengeur refused to surrender,
the crew sunk the ship, and all went
alive into the deep shouting, "Nive la
hepuDllque
This was the first version of history.
And now for the amended one. Ii
shall be given in the words of Carlyle ;
"Alas' Alas, The Vengeur, after
fighting bravely, did sink altogether,
a. other ships do, her captain and
above two hundred of her crew eseap-
ing gladly in British boats; and this
same enormous, inspiring Feat, and
rumOr of sound most piercing, turns
out to be an enormous, inspiring Nom
entity, extant nowhere, save as false
hood, in the brain of Rarere.n Car
lyle. however, thinks that the story
should be heneeforth memorable aS
''the largest, most inspiring piece OF
blague manufactured for some centur-
les by any man or nation. New York
Herald.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
The Power of Flattery.

Two unemployed Thespians met on
Sixth avenue the other morning.
Neither had breakfasted, and neither
had any idea whence "the price of a
breakfast was to come. The two men
entered a restaurant however, and took
seats opposite the cashiers desk. The
cashier was a tall, sorawny, ordinary
sort of a young woman.
'By Jove p suddenly exclaimed one
of the impeounious Thespians, "what
a striking resemblance that young lady
cashier bears to Mary Anderson"
"Yes," his friend replied, doubtful
ly.
The meal finished, the man who had
fiattered the cashier picked up the
check and approached the cashiers
desk. Putting his hand in his pocket,
he withdrew it with an expression OF
horror on his face.
"I've left my purse at home. What
shall I do?" he said.
"Never mind" replied the cashier,
sweetly. "You can pay just as well to-
morrow morning"
Diplomacy" his friend calculated
as the two men left the restaurant
New York Times.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
. Tahby.

Many people suppose that tabby is
name applied TO cats in general. 1t
really means cats whose fur is marked
in certain way, and so there are both
male and female tabbies.
The tabbies are divided into banded
and spotted furred cats. The name is
derived from Atab, street in Bagdad
celebrated for the manufacture Of
watered silks, which, when sold in
England, were called atabi, or taflety,
and from their resemblance to watered
silk the banded and brindled cats We're
called tabbies. Ii is one of the COM
monest of tolors, or markings rather,
and is found in many breeds of cats,
but uniformly marked tabby is COM
paratively rare and vsluable.-St.
Louis POst-Dispateh.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
The True Remedy.

w. NJ. Repine, editor Tiskilwa, Ill,
"Chief," says: We won'- keep house
without DIR. Kings New Discovery
for Consumption, Coughs and Colds
Experimental with many others, but
never got the true remedy until we
used DIR. Kings New Discovery. No
other remedy can take its place in our
home, as in il We have certain and
sure cure for Coughs, Colds, WhOop-
ing Cough, etc" IL is idle to expert
ment with other remedies, even if
they are urged on you as just as good
as DIR. Kings New Discovery. They
are not as good, because this remedy
has a record of cures and besides is
guaranteed. IL never fails to satisfy.
Trial bottles free at J. y. Snyder ;
drug store, Somerset, or Brallier's
drug store, Berlin.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
He Meant Well.

The story of the Irishman who
wrote his friend, saying, Telegraph
me if you don't get this letter." was
equaled in local business house. One
of the office men came down and
found that he had left his keys behind.
He sent to his wife for them, and the
messenger returned with the informa-
ton that the keys were not there. At
this juneture George-,a fellow-clerk.
said, "Why, found Jour keys"
"Where are they?" said the first
clerk.
81 have them in my pocket" said
George. 81 pushed note through the
slit of your desk telling you that l had
them"
"Well, you idiot" said the first,
chow was to get the note when the
desk was locked ?'-New Orleans
Times-Democrat,
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Long Distance Journalism.

The Long Distance Electric Typo
graph company has been incorporated
with capital stock of 100000. Joseph
j. Reifgraber is the inventor.
The electric typograph system is de-
signed to enable a newspaper editor to
do not only his own work of writing,
but that also of the telegraph operator
and typesetters, while the performance
of all their duties is facilitated. The
editor is to "pound out" a STORY on a
''typewriterlike machine which is
electrically connected with telegraph
wire system. His ''story" will be au-
tomatioally reproduced in every news
paper office in the country connected
with his wire and furnished with the
instruments which compose the
electric typograph system.
This reproduction is to consist not
only of the typewriter copy, but also
of the type which is to print it. By
means of a synchronizer the same keys
that are tapped in st. Louis would be
pressed on the corresponding typograph
in Chicago. The typewriter copy or
"proof'i would evolve at the same time
that sheet of paper containing perfor-
ations representing the different letters
slips forth.
This perforated sheet is then passed
into an attachment which will be sub
stituted for the linotype keyboard, and,
much as a music box is operated, the
perforations will work the typesetting
machine. The perforated slip par
takes of the nature of a paper matriX
Mr.. Reifgraber says NJ new princi-
pie is involved in his invention,
which was patented about month ago
at is merely new application of old
principles" he says.-St Louis-Globe
| Democ rat.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Fitted For His Place.

"This is the saddest case Of all, and
yet he achieved his ambition"
The keeper paused, and with plying
eyes the visitors gazed on the hopeless,
expressionless face of the patient from
which all traces of intelligence had
vanished.
''How did he come to this sad statee''
ale was out of work aud endeavOr-
ed to make himself eligible to serve as
a petit juror. Truth.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23

escape the fiends that were bearing
down upon US, and now, dead tagged,
we stopped at the crest of little knoll
to fight rs we might and die as We had
to. 1t would be silly for me to say
that was not frightened, for was in
a perfect chill of fear, which became
almost rank panic when bullet, from
the first fire of the Apaehes, sang its
peculiar, blood-hunting song within
six inches of my ear.
"'Oh, God, to die like this in this
far away plain, L said to myself, as
the cold wave swept over my flesh and
brought out the goose pimples.' The
next instant | was as hot as stove.
The internal, bloody beasts of hell |
shouted, and in another tone and
another mood, well get few, no
matter what they do to u.s. And as |
pulled up my carbine and blazed away
ut the on-swooping line of devils, L
glanced about me and found that all
my little party were with me, should
er to shoulder, and the glimpse of their
dusty faces and set, hard looks showed
me that they, too, had passed from
fright to fury"
General Nelson a. Miles's answer
to the question was as follows
Concerning the effect of being under
fire for the first time, / can say that
the first battle scene was inspiring and
exhilarating, and do not remember
that it produced the least trepidation--
nothing like as much as the effect af-
terward in some more sanguinary en-
gagements, when we had learned TO
realize the serious effect of the enemy's
fire."
General Sickles said "Before the
ball opened l felt shaky, but soon re-
covered and had too much to do to
think about danger. | was colonel
at that time. The higher the rank the
more responsibility, and the man in
the line with little to do except to wait
for the enemy to shoot at him is in the
most trying position of ALL
Difference in details with agreement
in essentials is true of battlefield emo
tions. These fresh talks of war-wofn
heroes bear out that statement. Some
men would have lodged on all occa-
siuns but for the fact that arrant cow
ards didn't allow occasions TO repeat
h emselves. They went home or to
| Canada All men lodged on some oc-
casions, and in so doing saved their
| fighting vim for the hour when il
would tell. Sherman hit the rule that
obtained throughout the army, when
schooling Cameron's Highlanders un-
der their "baptism of fire'-his own,
as well-at Bull Run. When bullets
and shells began to fly the Highland
ers very naturally ducked their heads.
Sherman told them to keep cool, as
there was no use in lodging, for when
ever the sound of bullet or shell
could be heard the danger from it was
over. Besides, it didn't look well in
soldiers. The words had barely left
his lips when an immense shell came
with its murderous "ka-swish ka-
swish ~ few feet above his head.
Down went Tecumseh until he lay
PROSTATE along his horses shoulders
and neck, and when he arose again
it was with a very red face, softened
10y smile. Very much amused that a
preacher should be SO weak in practice
the killed Highlanders let the general
know it, and "Uncle Billy" let him.
self down easily by saying Well boys,
you may dodge the big ones. New
York Sun.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Why He D;sliked the Farmer.

'Dere seems ter be a good deal Of
talk about de needs of de farmer" said
Plodding Pete. "Seems ter me like de
farmers gittin' er ter ble lot er 'tention
desc days"
"Yes," replied Meandering Mike,
san wot ever de farmer wants, I'm
agin."
'WOt fur ~
"Wot fur? Amt We got no spirit at
all? / don't believe in harborin' no
resentment, but never kin fergik dat
de farmer is de man dat goes rod, de-
country roads lOokin' fur hS1vest
hands. ."-Washington star.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Too Strong for the Sheriff.

"Why, Remno. How is it you are
at large? heard you were to be ar
rested. Did you escape the Sheriff."
"Yassir, DE Sheriff couldn' hOp
me-"
'The Sheriff couldn't hold you?
How is that?"
''Yo' see, sab, I'd ben eoOn-huntin'
de day befOr' an somehow or udder |
done got too familiar with a polecat,
an de Shee'ff hahn no mo- dan took a
holt er ME dan he realize / wuZ too
strong fo' i'm, sab, an he withdraw
from de argymen' like he ben shot
from a gun. Boston Courier.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
Better Than 500 Reward.

On receipt of ten cents, cash or
stamps, a generous sample will be
mailed of the most popular Catarrh
and Hay Fever Cure tEly's Cream
Balm sufficient to demonstrate its
great merit. Full sine soc.
ELY BROTHERS,
So Warren ST., New York City.
l suffered from Catarrh of the worst
kind ever since boy, and never
hoped for cure, but Ely's Cream Bal m
seems to do even that. Many ac4uaint-
ances have used it with excellent
results.-Oscar O5tTum, - Warren
Ave, Chicago, III.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
ADelicate Compliment

Mabel said the man who favors
free silver, that young man who calls
to see you remains altogether too late.
1t was after halfpast II when he start
ed for home last night"
~ can't help it, father"
''Can't you give him some kind Of a
hint ,"
II did; but he said he had too much
respect for your sentiments to think of
leaving until Is minutes to ]" l."-Wash-
ingtOn Star.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
a Big Difference.

Servant-"Johnny t'rew his ball
trough tn windy, mum, an broke a
pane of glass ,"
Johnny's Mother-"Well, that's
nothing to make such fuss about.
Accidents will happen; and, besides,
we don't own the house, and intend TO
move next week"
Servant-"But tn ball struck that
chiny tea cup you got with half
pound of tea and smashed it all to
splinters." ,"
Johnny's Mother (angrily What!
Send that boy right in to me! I'll
teach him to be more careful the next
time puck.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
A Dreadful Con tingency.

"your money, and quick, toor' said
the tall burg lar.
= - For goodness sake, don't make 40
much noise" hissed the unhap py
householder as he sat up in bed.
why not?'
"You'll wake the baby"
The short burglar laughed brutally-
He had heard the old gag when he
was child at his mothers knee.
"Wot if We do wake the baby?"
said the tall burglar.
''If the baby cries" groaned the
unhappy victim, sit will sour the
temper Of my wife's pet dog, and then
there'll be hades to pay"
With glance of deep commisera-
ton the burglars softly stole away
Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
A Million Gold Dollars.

Would not bring happiness to the
person suffering with dyspepsia, but
Hoods Sarsaparilla has cured many
thousands of cases of this disease. Ii
tones the stomach, regulates the bowels
and puts all the machinery of the sys-
tenn in good working order. 1t creates
good appetite and gives health,
strength and happiness.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
A Boys Chances Spoiled.

Farmers Boy-"Father, why can
not | rise in the world the same a.
other men? For instance, why can
not some day become Secretary of
Agriculture ,"
Old Farmer-''TOO late, too late, my
son. You know too much about
farmin'. New York Weekly.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23

al have nothing in the store that
sells so well or gives such general satis-
faction as DIR. FOwler's Ext. of Wild
Strawberry. Ialways recommend it
in cases of summer complaint or bowel
trouble of any kind" G. A. West,
Rainsboruugh, o.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
p,Trssupo KELLEY INSTITUTE.
No. 4246 Fifth Avenue,

restores TO them all their powers, mental snd
physical, destroys the abnormal aiPetlse, ano
rreStores Them 10 the condition they were in be
fore they INDUCED in stimulants. This has been
done In more than 1000 cases treated here. ana
smone them some of your own neighbors, 70
.,.ho15 we can refer with confidence as to the
J. .bsoIute safety and efficiency of the keeley Cure
irbe fullest and most searching investigation ~
= vited. Send for pamphlet giving nun iniorn,er
sian.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
THE KELLEY CURE

Is special boon TO business men who. having
awaken 10 find the disease of alcoholism fastened
un0n them rendering them unit 10 manage az
fans requiring q clear brain- A four week.
course q treatment et the
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
CATARRH

br,,n ne from Colds. Restores the senses OF taste
and smell. The Balm is quickly absorbed
and gives relief at once Price % cents al
Druggists or by mail.
Ely BROTHERS, IS Warren Street. y.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23

Hoods Pills oct harmoniously with
Hoods Sarsaparilla. Cure all liver ills
% cents.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23
NASAL
CATkRRH
local DISEASE

local DISEASE
and il the result Of
colds and sudden
climatic ch amges.
lt can be cued by a
pleasant re IN edy
which l. applied di-
recrIy into the nos
rils
f.iy's Cr earn Balm
opens and cleanses
the Nasal Passages
Aliays Pain and In
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-09-23

IMPORTANT TO ADVERTISERS.
The cream of the country papers Is found
m Remington's Courty Seat Lists Shrewd
,dversisers avail themselves Of these lists,
couy of which can be had of Remington
Rms. aof New York & PntsbuE.