The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1896-06-20
MISERY IN a DRESS SUIT.
Wretched Condition of = Gawky Young
Man I'm Hired Garments

MISERY IN \ DRESS SUIT.
wrstched Condition of Gawky Young
Man In Hired Garments
He was gawky, sandy and long
necked; he was bow-legged and timber
jointed; in short, he was man whom
nature never intended for dress parade,
and he knew 1t. Only one person be-
sides his wife ever said he was hand
some, and that was spinster who had
had some poems accepted by magazines,
and her opinion WINS hardly worth the
atmosphere used in expressing 1t. And
yet, when our friends lodge was to have
reception, banquet and ball his wife
urged him to wear dress suit. In q
moment of groundless vanity he as
sented and rented full evening dress
outfit. Then his trouble began.
When he tried on the suit at the
clothing store the coat lapels fiared
and wrinkled the shoulders. Accord
ingly, the accommodating salesman
pinned the lower corner of the coat
front to the bottom of the vest The lat
ter garment had an unusually large
opening in 'front.' the whole garment
containing just enough goods to make
a watch guard When he got the whole
suit on he felt like anything but hap
Ply man, but the feeling would wear of,
he told himself. 1t never did. When he
bore the precious bundle homeward he
was prouder than many men who
owned dress suits instead of renting
them.
The wife went to the hairdresser,
leaving the husband to the glories Of
his dress suit. After violent and man.
full struggle he succeeded in getting
| into the trousers. He owned no patent
feathers, and his calfslSin shoes with a
coat of liquid dressing that refused to
shine over ordinary backing, looked ms
| IL they had been dipped in Ink. This
domestic finish" added nothing in the
way of comfort. Then came the shirt
Just as he had got that freshly hun-
dered garment well adjusted a cold
| Precipitation broke out all over the vic
TINS person as he noticed the narrow
ness of the bosom. A horrid possibility
he dared not even mentally express
dawned upon him. But it was the only
clean shirt he owned. Collar and O
three-for-a-quarter white bow were the
next essentials, and then that dreadful
horse-collar vest. 1t was as he haG
expected! The shirt bosom was two
| inches too narrow for the vest opening!
He ut last decided TO pull the vest down
narrowing the vent, and pin the bottom
to the trousers. ct was nearly time t.
go, and the heroic measures were neces
sary.) But this made the waistband o.
the trousers peer up over the top buttor
of that misunderstanding vest. HI
shed tears, and would have fain done
likewise with the vest. He put a hand
kerchief there to hide the waistband
That was better. The coat once on anC
duly pinned at the corners, he called a
the hairdresser's for his wife. He wa,
brave beneath the shelter of his ulster
When they arrived at the hall ant
separated for the cloak-rooms, all tn,
pins came out of the patched-up rig
cling. He fastened in n carnation to hid'
part of his unlaundried muslin. HI
also made the cheering discovery thu
in festooning his handkerchief over tn
ambitious waistband he had made
great exhibition of the only dirty spo
on that cotton square. More ice-wate
perspiration; and he sank into the near
est chair. AS he did so, his vest from
spread, showing three inches of shin
and n suspender buckle on each side @
that precious shirt bosom. He pulle
the coat lapels together and wanted I
go home. But there sat his wife, wit
pretty blue chiffon at neck and sleeve
of her one Sunday dress, her hair NIGEL
arranged, huge bunch of carnation
on her breast and peaceful smile o.
her face. She looked up, caught sigh
of the funny look of suffering on hi
face, and laughed. Then he was mad
He felt that his wife and dress suit wer
conspiring to drive him to drink.
This, dear reader, takes the man onl
to nine o'clock in the evening. 1t wa
1880 before his wife wanted to go home
The intervening period is one of agon
too deep to be depicted with pen and inl
The next full dress affair he attends
he wore pair TO light trousers, sac
coat, sat with his knees crossed and en-
We'd no man.
He had been a man out of his elf
ment- Under such circumstances al
men are Observation-Disclosures Joul
nal.