Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-11-16
FACTS AND FANCIES.

What caprice animates the fashionable
young woman to insist on using two
one-eent stamps for her letters in lieu of
the more convenient one two-cent one?
asks a writer in the New York Times.
She does it persistently.
Maria-"What does this mean about
them society people dressin' fer dinner?"
Josh-"Well, l guess they get UP late
an has their breakfast in bed. Puck.
win ye be afther ggoin' to Mickey
'Arrah, no! Ny fghtin' days are
over. st. Paul's.
Mr.. Flumbol-'sI say, Newrich, come
out of the smoking room and see this
fine sunset"
Mr.. Newrich- 'sNot me. 1 don't be-
lieve in things which are obtainable for
nothing. Judy.
He-"Would it make you very sad if
should tell you | was going to marry
someone else?"
She lwho doesn't show the desired anx-
iety, about accepting him)-"I would,
Jack, if the girl was very near and
dear friend of mine. Exchange.
''Well," said the sarcastic man as he
walked out of the theater between acts,
"Tm ever SO much obliged to that girl
but I'll tell her so.'
''You mean the one with the frightfully
big hatY'
'Yes''
for"
"For not raising her parasol." DE
troit Tribune.
Ted-"She still loves me-
Ned-"How do yon know?"
Ted-"When she returned my presents
she prepaid the express charges. "-Har-
lem Life.
Editor Ito comic paragraphist)-"Y our
jokes lack originality" Comic Para
graphist Grritably)-"So does your criti-
cism."-Tid-Bits
The young man who is anxious to lay
the world at the feet of the girl he
adores, three months after he marries
her isn't willing even to lay the carpet.
-Yonkers Statesman.
Smith, see that bullet from one
of those new rifles will kill six men,
standing one behind another" Thomp-
son-'You don't say? In that case, a
man might just as well go to the front"
Puck.
Father-"Wait a year, my son, and
you may feel very different Son ICON
fdently)-."I've tested my love for Miss
Higgins thoroughly, and / know it can
not change. I've played golf with her,
and | still want her for my wife,
Household Words.
Minnie-"When that odious masher
gers at him. Mamie twas it sue
cess?" Minnie-'I think so. I heard
him whisper to the other odious wretch
who was with him that he was stuck on
UnaI girls looks. indianapolis Jour-
nal
81 don't like your slipper, ma
"That's strange. | thought it would
hit you just right. Town Topics.
Ii.
an absent-minded fellow" SLOWS
that?' He was dining with friend
the other day, and when asked if he
would have some pudding he replied that
owing TO a tremendous pressure for
space he would be compelled to refuse. :"
Washington Times.
JOYS OF HOME
This is the season of the year
When clever woman plans
To make her fiat bower Of cheer
With plants in old tin cans.
Chicago Record
Teacher-'Who is that whistling in
school?'
New Boy-ssMe. Didn't You know
could whistle ?''-Odds and Ends.
Doctor-"Just place this thermometer
under your tongue, Mrs. Peque, and keep
your lips closed tightly"
Mr.. Henry Peque (after a few minutes
of speeches. delight)-"What will you
take for that instrument, Doc?'-Puck.
MOTIVE.
She was Kitty no more. but Kathryn;
The reasons were easy to glyn,
If one would but bark
To the damsel's remark:
"lt's the SWEETEST name ever syn.
Detroit Tribune.
Little Willie's Age: Teacher-"How
old are you, WillieY' WILHELM five
at home. six at school, and four in the
Observation-Disclosures Times.
A Questioner Answered: Treadwell-
do you think the saying is true that
fool can ask questions that wise man
can't answer?" Daly-"1 don't know"
New York Sun.
Evidently Mistake: Muggins -
What is your friend Guzzler's occupa-
tion?" Buggins-"He's the skipper of a
schooner" Muggins-''I never saw him
skip one. "-Philadelphia Record.
AN AUTUMN DISCREPANCY.
Another dark sorrow is Joined to the sum
OF woes that embitter ife's dream;
The longer the nights that are chilly be-
The shorter the bed covers seem.
Washington Star.
Tommy-"Uncle Tom, what's the diff
ference between a honeycomb and a
honeymoon % Uncle John "a grabbed
old bachelor)-.C considerable. Honey
combs that I've seen are made up of
little cells, out SOL10 uOuey luOOHS We
heard of were big sells. New York
Times.
Bear Plenty in Minnesota.
Very few bears were seen in the Ait
kin territory last year, but Jim WEIGH
of Brainerd says there are hundreds of
them this fall, says the Minneapolis
Journal. He and another man shot two
last week, both big fellows and fighters.
Welch says there was uncertainty for
at least ten minutes whether he or the
bear was to have the best of the en-