The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1896-12-01
wAYsIDE GATHERINGS.
Bits OF Humor and Nuggets OF Truth
for the Multitude.

-Apenny worth Of mirth is worth
pound of sorrow.
The first use of q locomotive In
this country was in 1919.
Brokers and BARRIERS are given
to shavings, and carpenters to making
them.
Massachusetts has declared for
annual elections by nearly $4,000 ma
jority.
Know thyself and keep 'ae In
formation to thyself This H. good
advice.
Where the woollen mills employ
about 100 people, the cotton mills
usually employ some 800.
The greatest piece OF good fortune
1s that which correots our deficiencies
and redeems our mistakes.
In Paris it has been decided that
gambling on the part OF wife consti-
tutes sufficient grounds for divorce.
III you count the sunny and cloudy
days Of the whole year, you will find
that the sunny ones predominate.
Willie (reading)-Pa, what is
man who disagrees with you polit-
ically, my son."
There are great many stories
that have no foundation. But when
IL comes to building houses, the moro
stories the better the foundation must
be.
When real New York boy wishes
to say that man is- extremely ex-
traVagant, he expresses himself this
way: "Ae has money to burn and
carries matches"
The recent report of the commits
sioner OF education gives statistics
showing that there are 26O, 200 women
schoolteaohers in this country to 122,-
600 men teachers.
-lrate Customer want my money
back. Cycle Dealer-What for? "You
said this was high grade wheel;
but find that in climbing hills the
higher the grade the harder it is to
ride"
"A doctor declares that four Or
anges eaten every day are effective in
removing the craving for intoxicants.
One should be eaten before breakfast,
and one each at IL a. m, 3 p. M, and
6p. m.
=" Is it true that when a wild
goose's mate dies it never takes an
other 20 asks young widow. Yes,
but don't worry about that. The rea-
son 1t acts that way is because it is a
goose"
Bride ION shipboard at sea in q
stormy l feel 80 sick, my dear, and If 1
u should die and they bury me here,
you'll sometimes come and plant flowers
on my grave, won't you, darling"
=" You are over 40, why don't YOU
marry" because l do not care to
marry an elderly woman, while a
young girl would be foolish to marry
ish girl"
White frost IL the ordinary frozen
dew or hoar frost. Black frost occurs
when the cold Is 80 intense as to
freeze vegetation and cause it to turn
black without the formation of hoar
frost.
---Bigamists in Hungary are COM
PEELED to submit to an odd punishment
The man who has been silly enough
TO marry two wives is legally forced
10 10 llve with both OF them, In the same
house.
=" The Lord loveth cheerful
giver," but there's no use chucking a.
copper cent into contribution box so
loud as to make the folks on the back
seat think the communion service has
tumbled off the altar.
On his return from a tour which
he had been making with his master
In Switzerland, servant, being asked
what he had seen, replied "Oh, one
can't see anything. There's nothing
but mountains every where"
Women have bettsr perception
OF color than men. An eminent au-
thority on color blindness asserts that
under very severe test the color Wis
lon OF man In is defective, while in
women the average is In 80.
Nearly three minutes are REQ uired
to bring big steamer like the Etru-
ria, to full stop and in that time
she will have advanced almost half q
mile from the place she was when
the hrst movements were made to stop
her.
Who knows not, and knows not
that ne knows not, Is q fool-shun
MIN. Who knows not, and knows
that he knows not, is humble-teach
M nm. Who knows, but knows not that
ne knows, Is asleep-wake him. Who
knows, and knows that he knows, is
wise-follow him.
"A judges little daughter, who had
attended her fathers court for the first
time, was very much Interested in the
proceedings. After her return home
she told her mother: Papa made a
speech, and several other men made
speeches to IL men who sat all together,
and these IL men were put in o dark
chamber to be developed" -,
"A Kansas girl, the daughter of a
Greenwood county rapcher, was sent
east to school this fall "What do Won !
know, my childp" the head teacher
asked her. "Oh, farming" the new
pupil replied. "Well tell me what ia
q farm ?" "A farm is body of land
surrounded by barb-wire fence,n the
little maid said.
=" Hello What's wrong, old fell
low I" Pm almost crazy, [ sent a
letter to my broker, asking him
whether he thought was o fool, and
another one to Miss Willets, asking
her to come for drive with me; 1
don't know which of them this tale-
gram is from" "What does q saw Pn
" Simply Yes.'"
II never had any faith in luck at
all, except that l believe good luck
VIII carry q man over q ditch, IL he
Jumps well, and put bit Of bacon into
MS pot, IL he looks after his garden
ana Keeps pig. Luck generally
comes to those who look after Il. and
my notion Is 1t taps once in lifetime
so everybody's door, and il industry
does not open 1t away it goes.-Spur-
After the dog liar, the smart baby