The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-10-03
MUST HAVE THE NEWS.
The Free silver snnctum In Colorado Ia
Emil Itlpst.

Full Hast.
Cripple Creek Guido: sccnc-Editorlal
rooms OF the leading daily paper OF, Col
orado.
Tlme-Slx weeks prior to election day.
Managing editor. With head bandagcd
with n wet towel, Is laborinusly grinding
out u leading editorial on "B-yan, q Mod
ern Moses. Enter reporter IN brenthlesu
haste.
ltaportcr-lIerc's story OF a man who
Killed hts wife and sevcn children. blew
IN his house with dynamite. and then
chopped OF his own head with a meat
nx.. The city editor says he's crowded,
hnd that You order otherwise, not to
make moro than Il stick OF II.
Managing Edltor-A stickl Great hen
vens, What IL he thinking OF. boil II
down to five lines. aud put It In the . n
drnscd locals. We have a tWU-page
| speech Of Bryan's and n five column let
ter OF Senator Teller'B for tomorrow.
CRGportcr retircs ~dlshcartencd and
writes a bare statement OF facts. Enter
telegraph cditor.)
Telegraph E1itOr-A rumOr has lust
come In that President Cleveland haa
been assasSlnntcd and ~ plot has been
discovered to murder the entire cabinet,
Managing Editur--DOn't make over
w lines Of II and put II on the last page,
Telegraph Edltor-But---
Managing EdltOr-DOn't hut" me. I'm
not a magician and | can't crowd In more
than q paper VIII hold. The first page Ia
already llllcd with n %four.column car
toon OF bryan Giving Uncle Sum the
Silver Cure" Colonel GuZzlem's two
column prophecy that Bryan Will carry
every state In the union; "a I~hrce-column
table showing how Mexico and Japan
have prospercd under the silver atand-
ard. and Il two-column Interview with
TOM Watson ne TO why Scwnll should
retire from the ticket.
Telegraph EdltOr-Rut the editorial
page Isn't crowded. IL It?
Managing EditOr-Isn't crowded?
We'll. | like that. This threc-column
leader has got to go. besides at least two
columns on MARK Hnnna's Barrel"
"Thc Yellow Leg FIEzle." and Educate
the East" Then we've two columns
more OF quotations from the London FL
nnncial News on how tho free coinage OF
silver would make America rich and
England poor.
Telegraph EdItor-why not hold that
over?
Managing Editor (springing from his
chair, with his hair on end)-Ilold over
such an argument rs that? Why. man,
you must be mad. Drn't you know that
W. haven't a day to lose? With the
election only six weeks on. every delay
Is dangerous.
CTclcgInph Editor retIrcs In disgrace,
Enter Mining Editor.)
Mining Edltor-CrIpplc Creek tcle-
phones the biggest strike in the history
Of the cImp. Shall | make a column OF
II and head 1t The Independence and
Portland OutdOrc."
Managing Editor Ounfs-g wildly up
and dOwnl-Gr.at Julius Caesar. I'll
have you fellows committed to the insane
asylum. You've gone stark. staring
mad. Didn't you ever work on 4 paper
during n political campaign before?
Don't you know That we give nothing n
column except politics? To hades with
your strike. II ! See a line OF Il In type
you'll he discharged.
CMinlng editor shrlvcls up and crawls
through The keyhol", Sporting editor
enters with fire In his eyc.)
Sporting Edltor-Are you aware, sir.
that there Is not an inch OF space left me
on the seventh page for sports, and that
IiackcnberGer has just broken n record,
and that the New York base ball team
was saved from defeat by wet grounds?
Managing Editor - My dear sir. are
you c.warc OF the character o. the matter
on page :?
Sporting Edi,or-I merely glanced at
It.
Managing Edltor-Go read It. and you
will see why W. must omit the sporting
tomorrow. altogether. 1t Is filed with
words OF Recommendation from the press
o: the country on Mr.. Bryan's letter OF
acceptance.
sporting editor GOES out weeping,
passing the city editor with a proof in
his hand.)
City Editor-I have = t%wo-column In
teTvlew here with n silver miner from
puray who Is stopping at the oxford,
and | can't find any space for It.
Managing Edltor-What does he say?
City ~Editor-That Ouray Is solid for
Bryan and fire.. coinage. and that II Nc.
kinlcy or any other gold bug vas 10
show his face there they'd throw him
down n shaft.
Managing Editor-kil the market re-
ports 10 make Don for Il. Have YOU
anything else OF importance?
City Editor-Onr of my men has writ
ten n column and Il half chat with a COL
ored boot black In which the Niger pol.
isher shows how. under free coinage, the
hoo:blacks Of the country would Dol be.
come m~illiOnaircs.
Managing ~Elitor-And there's no
room for It?
City EditOr-I'm afraid not.
Managing EditOr-liNw unfortunate,
Oh. that is really TOO bad. Fly love. we
must find room. Our readers must have
good. ncwsy reading NJ all hazards. This
Is no time to hesitate. My duty Is be.
fore M. Tell the foreman to HIT a COL
umn and n half OF ads and put In your
chat with the bootblnck.
THE paper the next morning Is a mod
81 OF what Coloradoans have been In
ilictcd with for the past two months and
over. and what they must put up with
until after election.)