St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1896-11-07
MISFIT CLOTHES.


Mary Bradley. in s. s. Times
MISFIT CLOTHES.
Nomanwho hasnever appeared before
nm army court-martial or examining
ooard can have an adequate conception
OF the worriment that recently agi-
Iated Col Wade, a member of the in
quisitise body that went digging into
the cases of several army officers at
Chicago some time since. Col. -Made
started from San Antonio with spurs
cianking and swords fairly glisten1nk
Under the magic effects of powdered
brlckdust. Also he had blue clothes
with gold curlicues and designs like
wall paper on them, and in general he
was accoutered regardless. But in an
evH moment an ignorant porter, mis-
taking his swords for a new kind of
sectional fishing rod, bundled the whole
glorious dream of martial splendor into
the berth of a British tourist who was
ON his way to the Wind River mountains
to catch mackerel. So when the colonel
arrived in Chicago he found himself
quite out of the class of Gen. Brooke
and Maj. Dewitt and the others of the
examining board, who sauntered around
with an average of a peck of gilded
garnishhfent on them. He wits Obliged
to submerge himself in shame and a
brown tweed suit and feel that he was
guilty Of conduct unbecoming an off,
Ger and gentleman because he did not
rattle and clang as he walked, like a
crate of crockery or a wagon load Of
structural iron hauled over a granite
pavement.
The army officer who has worked his
way up into the king row is, when he
goes on departmental duty in his ia
tigue uniform, q thing of beauty and a
rest to weary eyes. We once had the
pleasure of seeing Gen. Crook distrib-
uting medals to sharpshooters on the
Bellevue rifle range. and by conservative
estimate his clothes weighed a ton, and
they were just the ordinary clothes to
go with such an august occasion rs
the bestowing of a quarters worth of
silver to q stubby-mustached soldier
who had succesled in not killing the
cow in the field to the right of the earth
bank. 1t was an August day, and the
day seemed to have been vigilantly "lay-
ing" for the general, for when he moved
majestically forward under = black
ehapeau with enormous pluInes and
with his uniform tightly buttoned
around him the sun seemed to take an
other hitch in its running gear, and it
went at him as though it meant to
serve up roast general well done for the
evening barbecue. The perspiraton
streamed down both sides Of his face
and formed sort of Allegheny-Monon-
gahela confluence at his collar button,
and there was a freshet and a flood
tide quite in keeping with the Ohio
rivers regular June rise. His beautiful
blue clothes with their hardware and
bullion on them seemed to melt and
coalesce with his frame, but he valiant
ly talked on, and told the soldier who
had not hit the cow how patriotic and
loyal of him it was, and the country
was proud Of him and his score, which
was 4-11-44, or something of that kind.
Several months afterward friend of
the general was fishing with him out
in the mountain country, and that med
nj presentation was touched upon in
conversation. The general at that mo-
ment was wearing an old white slouch
hat. some other mans overalls and q
hickory shirt. In an impressive way
he beckoned his accomplice to approach
closer 90 that the wild mountain crags
might not hear and report to Washing
tom, and whispered: do you know that
on that day I came near proving a
traitor to the government? Twas upon
the point of renouncing my allegiance
to the United States of America and of
going bowling across the meadow to
the river. At the very moment when
I was burning most fiercely and was
telling what thought of sharpshoot-
ing as a great boon to humanity hap
pened to look across the field back Of
the gathering, and there on the river
bank 1 saw a delighted boy Of about
ten or twelve. clad only in the purity OF
thought and heaving mud at an asso-
ciate of his own age who was sputter-
ing around and diving in the cool water
at the time that spoke SO earnestly of
the grandeur of American institutions
that had in mind the march to the can
mons mouth and the din and carnage
of battle for the flag, but did not.
was speaking with my mind fixed solely
on the glad custom of 'chawing beef
and of sliding down slickery place on
the bank and into the water. pledge
YOU nv honor as an officer and gentle
man that il that boy had not at that
moment gathered mp his clothes and
fed at the approach Of the town con-
stabie would have renounced the flag.
discarded my chapeau and uniform and
become joyous deserter, giorying IN
swimming holes As distinguishedsfEom
army clothes thatsre like the :totrid
zone"
Col. Wade, hDwever, consoled himself
with the thought that, than he
have been in the same unfortunate fix
IN which he found himself. When Gen.
Grant was coming east on one of his
great tours-nemory suggests his
nound-the-world-trip. but memory may
- defective-he struck Denver in a
linen duster. 1t was. hot weather, and
in crossing. the desert the luggage had
heen 9athered in the baggage car, while
the xfacefs of the party garbed them.
selves in apparel hardly in keeping with
the dignity of their military status
when fhSJ JHririved in the mountain city
,hevA5eRctt6ffled away to hotel to
,,re1n1 nfnezShe- ovation arranged fol-
fhe SS979S 6r,the pQpulace- II had beer
rroS - would review some
s,,lil u "a general lend the luste,
of = he 20 as to make Denverite,