The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-08-29
Short Stories.
(Chicago Nev-.)

During the late civil war an officor
who enjoyed close personal relations
with President Lincoln called at the
White House. ana in the course of n pri-
vate interview complained bitterly of
certain criticisms PASSED on his conduct
in II campaign by the Secretary Of War
and while repeating such criticism ave
way to great passion. Lincoln patiently
heard him 10 the end, then said: You
seem very angry. Did YOU ever hear
what made Fimnigan mad? I'll tell
YOU. Finnigan came home late from
the club one night sober, but in such a
TEMPER that he knocked over lot of
furniture. Mrs, Finnigan was aroused
ana. sitting up in bed. asked: Whats
the matter, FinniEan? I'm mad
mad as II hornet What's made you
SOP 'FlahcrIY down yonCcr; he called
me liar Bat. man, why didn't you
make him prove it? That's why I'm
so mad; he d!d.' "
The pastor of q New England Church,
announced that the regular weekly
pravcr-mcctlng would be devoted to dis
cussion of II certain question of general
interest to the congregation. Many
members OF the church wished to take
part in the discussion: 1t was therefore
decided TO limit each members remarks
10 five minutes. When the speakers
time expired. the clergyman was to
notify him by rapping with pencil on
the desk Deacon a., one of the mem
hers at whom the restriction was es-
pcc.allv directed. had not fairly started
on his remarks when the rap of the
pencil was heard. Am | to under
stand" asked the deacon, that my five
minutes have eXpired?" Yes, deacon.
am sorry. but Your time is up" And
all general rcms rks are limited to five
minutes?" Yes; that was the under
satnding." The deacon turned very de
iibera,clv to his fcllow-members
'"rhen brethren" he proceeded, ~ shall
throw the remainder of my remarks
into the form Of & prayer" The deacon
kept the floor.
At one of the London Clubs two card
players were much annoyed by the cias
of bores who persisted in looking on at a
game and making rema KS about 1t.
After standing the hui .ance for some
time, one OF the players asked one of the
spectators TO play the hand for him
unt.l he returned. The spectator took
the cards, whereupon the first player
lef, the room. Pretty soon the second
player followed the example OF the Fl; ST.
The two substitutes played for some
time when one of them asked the waiter
where the two original players We're.
They are playing cards in the next
room" was The waters reply.
The following is told OF an English
army officer long since dead: Meeting
n lady who much d!slikcd him he said
Good evening. Mis-. -. YOU are
looking very handsome to-: .ght." II
wish / could say the same, Major"
"Oh. but you could II YOU were to tell
a lie, as ] did,' wa; mis- quick re;ort.
Among the many anecdotes told of
p. T. Bnrnun, is ono to the effect that.
when the great Snowman exhibited IN
London. he sent tickets OF admission
10 all the clergy. including the Bishop of
London and his family. After II. show
The bishop called upon the great circus
man and was much struk by his big
hearted. amiable manner. Upon lcav-
ing the bishop took Mr.. Barnum's hand
and said: You are not such bad man
after all. hope TO meet You in Heaven.
sir" well, you Will If you are there
was Barnum's quiet reply