The morning times., 1896-12-30
WASHINGTON. DC DECEMBER 80, 1896,
Uncle sam as "Dr. Buchanan"

Uncle sam as "Dr. Buchanan"
Most people Will recall the professional
and popular outcry OF a decade or SO ago
which led 10 the full exposure and sup
preston Of certain sharp citizens who,
under the cloak Of perfunctory or lapsed
charters, made il business TO sell med
fer academic degrees Of all sorts and
sizes upon whomsoever would produce the
varying price fixed for the honor. 1t
was fondly believed, then and aftcrwlrd,
that the practice had been broken up for
good and al; but now it appears that The
same old thing has broken out in a ne v
and aggravated form.
Uncle sam, repres entativcly seen in
Tie person of his Chief Executive servant
is invariably model of all the virtues.
HE is "a sincere Christian, devoted
husband and a good father Diminish
ingly. he is an honest little banker, WHOM
viewed through the manly bulk of his
Secretary Of the Treasury: and al that
bulk is filled with conscience. He is a
Charming entertainer, and royal "bon
Viyant" with a rema rkably fine wine
cellar. when concealed behind the visagc
OF his Secretary Of State; while hid away
Interior. ne is a kind friend and IN in
dulgeut uncle to his valuable but ruddy
warI. Mr. Lo, the poor Indian, whom
nothing would induce him to opprcSs or
rob II must lie stated, with sobs, that
all these phenomena are merely optical
illusions not To call tiIem snares- AT
bottom tie old gentleman is a fruit Of
harder rInd than any that the tribe OF
Sman propel AT those who seek the milk
in its native Cocoanut. If his faithful
delegates were out Of the way ana hc
had 10 appear at the front aud be counted
for what he is, the public would soon
form an opinion OF him less flattering than
tire one now III use FOR Fourth Of July
and campaign purposes stripped Of tie
nmbus and wings with Which the true
goodness OF his principal ScryitorS cIothe
him, il is to be feared that he would
be seen 20 be not only the friend 5f Re
PUblcans and sinners, but also a wicked
producer and vendor Of lau cheese, oleo
marga rne, canned horse. timed mule
the biggest and most reprobate whisky
dealer in creation, the partner Of every
distiIler and compounder in the country
and party more than open TO suspicion in
connection with Indian transactions of a
very dubious character. Now, IN his latest
if not lis last, analysis, we discover hin
az the role Of 4 reddlcr Of bogus diploma,
which he calls naturalization papers.
THIS particular lapse from rcctitudc Oh
tile part Of our national Uncle is not only
cause Of grief to all who love him and
hate t. see him make such a sl ocking TX
position Of himself, at his age, too; but
It has become a source Of pain and terror
20 his Isotle hoy, the Secretary of State
That eStimable youth is having an outing
in Gehcnna, what with trying TO explain
things and trying to cover Up the track
Of the old gentleman. He VIII hardly sue
ceed. because the truth must cut and SLOW
that the offender has been lor years en-
around, and at a ridiculous low figure IL
Ciemouctzcd silver. All the Doth ant
gentle mcndacitics OF the Sccrctary's Su
periur diplomacy viii rot serve to excus
OF 10 gloss over the fact that, wheneye
disgrmtIed Russian, FrenchInan, Turl
or PrusSian has been 30 minded. he coUi'
come over here and buy has papers from
Uncle Sans suspeHdeT- -and-button ira
and return to the effctc monarchy Of hi
residence to flout them in the face of hom
authority. The abuse in question has ex
panded until nearly all the present revolu
citizens of European and African descent
ready and willing to claim their blcsse
rights as such whenever the Spaniard
catch them and leave them alive len
enough TO omentionthe fact Nobody kno w
what trouble we see about to grow ou
Of the large, flourishing and increasn
population, composed of ciuzens Of tn
United states, now living-wherc they wer
born and always did live--in far off Al
menia! And so the tale of woe is countu
On to the bottom of the column.
We may not presently agree with tn
chief Of the State Department as 10 a
points in his difference with the Iegisl5
tive branch of the government. Conserva
lively minded papers, as well as pcopl
often should pause OH such occasions uni
they can see who is TO oCme out aheat
But we are heart and soul with him i
sympathy anent this naturalizatio
nuisance, regarding which let us hope tha
the Congress may be able and inclined I
do something. There ought TO be clanC
for II, because there VIII not be any specii
or crying need for any jobIot Of ne
voters for several yearsto come. Mr.. 0lnt
has been unhappy and isolated for da!
and days, and the victim of nuch unkin
criticism on the part OF bilious an
venal press, He is shrinking and sensiti'
by nature. and, no doubt, VIII read thei
words of appreciation and cheer with Il