The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1896-03-06


y DIR. Newmethod- Diet.
o 81 can't sleep"
n 81 can't eat. =
, "Diet.
"I'm bilious. "
"Diet. y
r MY hair is turning gray
, "Dye il"
Cure for Drunkenness.
G.. Insling you hear tina
George had quit drinking?
S. Ame-Well, III be darned
What was it, gold cure?
q. lnsling-No, he's dead.
His Reason.
whatever drove you to marrying
fourteen wives?" asked the Judge re
gdrding the prisoner with more thar
Ordinary interest.
Thirteen was such an unlucky
number to stop at, Your Honor, an
swered the penitent prisoner, wiplng
his eyes with his coat sleeve.
The Last word.
Hubby-So. you think you would
have been happier with the other fell
low?
| WHEY III sure VI IL.
Hubby-And he would have been
happier with you?
WHEY Yes.
Hubby-Then, thank heaven, |
have done one good deed in life.
Wifey What, pray?
Hubby have spared two people a
frighftul disillusion.
Nan old book quantity says that
when the whole system is per
vaded by well oxygenated blood, Wig
orously propelled life and activity
are copiously communicated.
Which means that when the blood
is purified by the use of Ayers Sarsa
parlIa, perfect health is the result.
Compulsory Religion.
d. l.. Moody, the evangelist told
a story in Philadelphia the other
day about his life before his CONVEX
sation, when boy of seventeen. He
said that while he was "a pretty bad
boy in his unregenerated days, deep
in the fOllies and errors of the
world. he never broke so far away
from his early religious training as
TO forget to say his prayers every night. |
~ used to sleep with my brother, y
he said, and il either one of us hap
pend to jump into bed without first |
getting on his knees the other would |
swear at him vigorously and kick him
out on the floor - Life.
Perpleaity ofLeap Year.
I'm going to resgin,' said the ed
itor in charge of the how to behave
column of a periodical.
What S the natter inquired the
proprietor.
These people are getting too alb
struse for me. Here's young man
who writes to inquire just how far il
is proper for gentleman to encour
age lady who shows symptoms of
~ Washington Star,
Inconsistent.
why are you looking so serious,
Bobby asked the fond father.
'Thinkin' about the preacher. He
went and told us we should not covet
other peoples things and then tried to
get all the pennies we had. ~ Cincin,
natl Enquirer.
rheumatism Cured in a Day.
Mystic Cure" for rheumatism and ,
Neuralgia radically cures in ] to 3 f.,
lays. Its action upon the system is
and mysterious. 1t re- ,
moves at once the cause and the
disease Immediately disappears. The
irst dose greatly benefits 10 cents.
Sold by Geo, +. Green, druggist,
Not His Brothers, Keeper.
Aren't you going to look for the
nan who eloped with your wife,
No. Why should |? He is a
tranger to me and able to look ont T
or himself. "
In some "reminiscences Of the lecture
eld during the past twenty years
lalor Pond relates some intercstil
necodotes of the distinguished lee
urers whom he has managed. Once
pom time Mr.. Beecher, Colonel Ro.
ert lngersoll and Major Pond were
rayeling on the same train. Beecher
poke to lngersoll and then scrubbed Y
on a newspaper, which he
assed to Pond Il have written In,
ersoll's epitaph, said Mr.. Beecher n
he words on the paper were Rob ]
ri Burns.
We'll, Johnny, how do you like the c
chool? oh, der schools all O. X.
ut der teacher doesn't know moth
J.. " Doesn't know anything? Why
o you say that?' Cause she or
ways askn' us questions. = Texas so
fittings. be
bill" Nye's humor was never af- 10,
'rward so spontaneous and quality
; in the days when he wrote editorial
aragraphs for the Laramie, wyo..
ten years or more before c
e began grinding out machine made
it at space rates. Eli Perkins in
le New York Sun recalls his first -
Getting with Nye. II see you are
wyer as well as an editor | said. -
Yes. | practiced law about year,
ut, y he added, without changing a
uscle, nobody knew much about D
here; | kept it very quiet l have q
zen a justice of the peace in Lara
lie for six years. - Did you ever
AIRY any one?" "Oh, yes. mar ri
ed my wife, and after that / used to u
AIRY others and then try them for +,
her ofenses. Noticing that the prs
lmorist had very white teeth | re- I
arked upon their regularity and pu
niteness, and asked him what kept
EN- so white. "Oh, that's natural" :
said. "A Il teeth remain white if +
ey are properly taken care of. OF :
urse | never drink hot drinks. al.
,ys brush my teeth morning and -
ening, avoid all acids, and, although
am thirty five years old, my teeth