Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-06-29
JUST FOR FUN.

1n0 cOlioSo graduate roalIZeS bHat
he is getting old when he college boys
look young to him.
1t is not true that when baby is
born in Russia it is named after the
first sneeze its parents hear.
"There is charming elasticity
about Miss Dolly Filters eyes. She
is maiden of seventeen springs, you
know"
The Professor awakening = Is
there anybody in this room? Burglar
No, sir. Professor-Oh, I thought
there was.
Inventors have tried to solve the
problem of aerial navigation. AS
general thing, they have only made
their money fly.
The man who sits next to pretty
girl in street car is always willing
to sit up little closer to her to give
somebody else seat.
There is no doubt whatever that
the world owes a great deal to poets,
but it doesn't seem to be in any tear
ing hurry TO pay up.
1t has been noticed that the people
who have the most to say about the
''bicycle craze' are people who don't
have bicycles themselves.
'Don't you think DIR. Flowery makes
charming Lenten addresses?" eyes,
and they are appropriate, too. There
is so little meat in them"
professor" said a graduate, trying
to be pathetic at parting, IT am in
debted to you for all I know" "Pray
do not mention such trif1e,'' was the
reply.
The Chef d'D'uvre.- Mr.. impress
sionist-That's my last, there on the
easel. Now, that is picture, Squibs.
Squibs-Yes, SO it is. I can tell that
by the frame.
lawyer now offer in evidence a
photograph of the broken heart OF
the painting, taken by the Rontgen
process. Judge-Admitted. Letitbe |
marked "Exhibit X"
Teacher-Can any little boy tell me
which is the longest day in the year?
Billy-Some fellows say the day be-
fore Christmas is, and some say the
day before the 4th of July.
ssThere's no coal, num-" said Bridg-
ct, "and the fires are going out" "No
coal! Why didn't you tell me before?'
s'I couldn't tell you there was no coal,
mum, when there was coal!" answer
ed Bridget.
First Farmer-Has the lawsuit be-
tween you and Heysede been settled?
Second Farmer-Yes; and SO are the
lawyers. First Farmer-How do you
mean? Second Farmer They are set
tied on our farms.
Mrs. Snaggs-In case of war, on ac-
count of the Cuban resolutions, what
would be likely to be the first hostile
Mr.. Snaggs-I think the
Madrid government would capture
all our castles in Spain.
A Jersey City dog jumped through
window and fastened his teeth in the
egg of book agent who stood outside
.inging a door bell. 1t was a dog of
exceedingly good taste, which under
stood the proprieties of ''the eternal /
illness of things.''
She-It must have been interesting
iding through the mountain passes
n Switzerland. He-It would have
,een to most persons,I suppose; but,
IS for me, you know, it was no new
hing. Ialways have pass wherever
go.
o, doctor, have sent for you, GER
ainly. Still, I insult confess that
lave not the slightest faith in modern
medical science" ooh, that doesn't
natter in the least. You see, a mule
las no faith in the veterinary sur
,eon, and yet he cures him all the
same"
A correspondent sends the Listener
rare bit of English. It was written
~ a woman in excusing her hardness :
n answering an inquiry that had been
addressed to her: ''I would have writ
en- before, but have been sick with
! dog-bite on my arm. The man that
,wns the saw mills dog bit me in the
oad.'' The excuse was accepted as
efficient.
One minute is the standard time, and One /
Iinute Cough Cure is the standard prepare .
alton for every form of cough or cold. 1t is l
he only harmless remedy that produces i'm ,
1ediate results. H. G. Pierce, Barton; d. l
V. Hildreth, Barton Landing, R. E. French, 6