Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1896-04-29

~ aAss
1t is q contrast too intense
To strike his intellect ~ funny;
At first he paid her compliments.
And now he pays her alimony.
Judge.
He-'T would kiss you II thought no
sne would see me-" She-"Shan I
.lose my eyesY'-Woonsocket Reporter.
Clara-"Mr. Nicefello said my face
vas classic. What is classic" Dora
-Oh, most anything old."-Good News.
"Have those people in the other flat
been married longT' II think not; he
takes maps on her best silk pillows."-
Chicago Record.
Scientists say now that handshak-
ing conveys disease" ''Of course;
that's the way the grip got started
Louisville COurier-JOurnal.
Miss Flora Gin a pair of stupendous
sleeves)-"How do l look. NedT Ned
apturouslye"You're simply unap'
prOachable."-B Transcript
There comes q sadness cen with spring
|
| For though the violet twill bring, II
The buckwheat cake must GO
| washington Star
Dashaway-"I have an idea that Mrs.
Hightoner has asked me to dinner in
order to fill up" Cleverton-'That's
what we are all going for. old man.
! life.
YES" said the cornfed philosopher.
at is not 80 difficult to get something
for nothing. but when one gets 1t IT is
i not worth the price"
Journal.
The Sheriff-"You say that fellow
who broke Jail left q message behindr'
The Keeper-"Yes. sir: here 1t is on
this spapere.Excuse the liberty / takeV
Truth.
""Tis hard to be poor" sang the poet
| As his mantle about him he furied;
So he sang, but we'll did he know 1t
| Is the easiest thing In the world.
Life.
I'm sorry stole the preserves, ma. :"
"Ah, your conscience is troubling you
is it?' Il don't know exactly. Where
is my conscience, mar"-Yonken
Statesman.
Gen. Pompuss-"I am to speak at a
banquet tonight and I want YOU
to write my speech for me-" Scribe
what do you take me for-s gasat
terT'-Truth.
II shore does hope" said Uncle Nose
dat dey will git dis heah new photo
graph trick so fine by summer dat mar
kin tell wedder melon is ripe:"-1ndian
| apolis Journal
The Married One-"Can you imagine
anything worse than marriage with
out lover" The Unmarried One-Yes
think can. Love without marriage
for instance."-Life.
| The air bears hints Of spHngtide Joy,
The sun asserts itself once more: !,
The torpid-footed message boy
| At last has learned to shut the door.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
/ Fannie-I have told you again ant
again not to speak when older personl
were talking, but wait until they stop
i've tried that already, mamma The1
| never stop."-Woonsocket Reporter.
did you go into society in Philadei
! phia?" Yes" And how did they XII
| time there2" 'They don't kill it TheI
1ust sit down and wait for 1t to die
natural Observation-Disclosures Star.
Grace-I must refuse him. poor fel
iow, but I. wish 1 could do something
to lessen the pain Of It Maud-Ge
some one to tell him that you haven
as much money as he thinks You have
Brooklyn Life.
! Julia-Loqhse showed me those bean
| tiful landscapes. She says she hat
no trouble at all painting them. Mabc
No. All she had to do was TO sigr
her name after her teacher flnishe<
I them.-Brooklyn Life.
| Sprinkle ashes on the pavement,
| Keep the quinine bottle near,
| Wear your ulster and your rubbers,
| For the gentle spring Is here.
-Philadelphia Record.
! Fuddy (hesitating to put his umbrel
In in the rack)-Isn't there danger o
| somebody taking the wrong umbrell'
! by mistake? Duddy-Wrong umbrella
are never taken by mistake.-Bosto1
Transcript.
I'VE have some very fine RoentgeI
paintings" said the salesman. "Roent
gen paintingsT" exclaimed the custom
| er. II didn't know there was anything
| by that name In the line of art." ''Well
we used to call them interior Views O
scenes Evening Post
IL do not see," she said, with grea
severity, ''how 1t would be possible t
add to the unsightlinees Of boomers.
And the little wheelwOman contente'
herself with innocently remarking
"Perhaps you are prejudiced. Did yo'
ever try them onT'-Washington Star.
Brown-Just had talk with Thump
mann, the pianist. He says that in tn
| early part of his career the critics as
| sailed him without mercy. Robinson
Must have been discouraging. Brown
r was. At one time he was on thu
boint of having his hair cut.-BrOok
lyn Life.
She held a daisy in her hand
| And plucked its petals one by one;
As fair a picture was she then
| As e'er was shone on by the sun.
The rude young man, who, unawares,
| Approached her nearly had fit,
70 hear her roseleaf lips enun-
| Ciate-"He loves me-loves me nitr
Indianapolis News.