The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1896-02-05
Entertaining Cough.

The miniature city of O,ceola was
full of excitement as it could possibly
be, and not fly into irregular fragments.
II had never in its whole existence
heard lecturer whose fame had war
ranted the pasting OF his name and pic
ture on walls and fences; and now,
within few days, the noted John B.
Cough was cOmingl
1t is needless, if not impossible, to
state the subtle and persistent means
by which enough money and influence
we're secured to lure the great oratori-
cal lion into that particular jungle; it
had been done. Indeed, the pretty
little town did not exactly itself know
how it had accomplished so much. II.
r. Murray, Esq, Justice of the Peace,
was never tired of telling how he had
worked untiredly to get Cough there,
ever since he heard him at Syracuse
one time. Deacon Elmer j. Pease
averred that he had prayed for it reg
ularly several years, and that answers
to prayer were not yet obsolete. Mrs.
Emily Bates limited that if certain
relative of hers were not clerk in GER
tain Lecture Bureau, the town might
have languished Goughless for many
years. And these were only three of
the many stories that went to explain
how the cOck-robin of Mr.. Coughs con-
| tinued absence from Osceola had finally
been killed
Meanwhile, the evening approached,
and our little burgh was ready for it.
Every seat in the large, barnlike public
hall had been sold; chairs in rows of
three each had been placed along the
aisle, and vended at a goodly price
even the window stills were disposed of
being capable Of UNFOLDING three human
bodies each. Chairs were placed on
the platform, and hired out for the
evening; and fringe of legs, to hang
from the edge of the rostrum, was ex-
pected, each pair having stood fair
assessment. In fact, Mr.. Cough was
left only space of about two feet
square in which to stand.
"Ef he dances aroun' the way he
did at Syracuse" said Squire Murray,
"some O. these folks III get stepped on"
Even the space in the garrett near the
ventilator, from which it was possible
to view the interior of the hall while
lying laboriously upon ones stomach
had been farmed out and sold to -four
agile young men.
The Lecture Committee, five in mum
Der, had held great many discussions
as to who should have the honor of do
ing the honors to their distin 1uished
visitor. These had at last been item
lied as follows: (D Stepping up tt
him at the railroad station, saying,
beg your pardon: is this Mr.. Gough?'
and shaking hands with him; (2) tax
ing him to Samuel Mathewson's house
which was the largest in town, ant
best adapted to entertaining well-knOwr
people; 90 conducting him from Math
ewsou's to the hall; (4) introducing
him to his audience; (5) guiding hin
back to Mathewson's house; and C.
taking him next day from Mathewson''
house to the train.
After a good deal of additional dis
cussiOn these matters were decided b,
drawing cuts %; each member of thu
committee had part as 'igned him
and went to work studying what to do.
Almost at the last moment, occurred
an unexpected incident: Deacon Ell
mer j. Pease, to whom had fallen tn,
lot of introducing the orator, and wit
had long since written and committed
his speech, suddenly found that he hat
completely lost his nerve, and could no
prevail upon himself to appear befor
the large audience and do the prelim
mary honors. 1t was this fact that in
duced him to change tasks with H. r
Murray, Esq. to meet Mr.. Cough a
the station, in fact, and let Murray d.
the introducing.
But when at last the train rushe'
into the station, Deacon Pease's sci
possession entirely deserted him; AM
as portly, well-dressed gentle ma
stepped from one Of the coaches, b.
rushed up to him, and, striking an IN
sinuating attitude, inadvertently RAJ
into the Introductory speech which b.
had been practicing so long.
Ladies and Gentlemen" he shouted
grasping the newcomers hand,
have the pleasure of introducing to yol
one whose fame as an orator is spoke
wherever the English language i
spread. l mean whose language
spread wherever the English fame j
known. No, no, that isn't it, either;
mean beg your pardon"
A" And | think it's about time" sal
the man whose hand he he'd. "Fror