Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-06-17

little pleasantly and tried to be friendly
with her in an osculatory way, but she
waved me off and said: You made mis-
take when you gave me that advertise
ment ticket this morning. l wanted the
one regarding the laundress.
7 protested that the only advertise
ment l had inserted was for a laun-
dress, but M wife gave a disdainful
sniff and produced dozen letters
which she handed to me without word
OF comment / opened one and read:
"'Am a blonde. petite and trim of fig
ure; Il years old, agreeable companion
and merry CisDOs t,0l. VIII be pleased
to arrange an interview. Address
Il turned cod a., oysr, thsc hot, and
then cold again. l felt my face grow
ing red and my hair bristling. | looked
az my wife. she was staring at me
coldly With face stern and SEE.
My dear said /, what does this
mean?'
Read the Others she demanded.
81 opened another. 1t was a note
written in lady's hand on paper COW
cred with PINK vio,ets. v read:
" / an 10 years old, feet inches tall
and weigh 125 pounds. Am dark, with
brown eyes, and am considered hand
some; am fond OF gentlemen's society,
and amusements. Would like to meet
you. Address
'CO.d clll.s were now chasing each
other up and down my spinal column.
l looked al my wife again. She was
smiling murderously and her fingers
were drumming en- the table.
L assure you my love, said l, but
she interrupted me with: There's sew
eral more misSives yet Feverishly /
ran through the other letters. They
were from girls who described their
charms infinitely and made themselves
out perfect beauties. And they al de-
sired to meet me. Il was enough to
make any man giddy, and 1 assure you
/ felt so when l finished the last epistle
and gazed at my wife.
There IS some mistake declared.
of course, she replied, sarcastic
cally; I told you so in the first place
You gave me the wrong ticket this
morning and she tapped her foot on
the carpet fretfully.
II saw that l had to do something
quickly 10 avert the coming stOrmburst,
so l jumped right into tAe breach. I
SwOre by all the gods that l knew moth
ing OF these letters; that l had only adj
verJised for lsundress, and that it
was the fault of the clerk in putting the
letters into the wrong box But my
wife c0ldly turned the letters over and
showed the address-'E 6S.
Then the clerk must have got the
tickets Mixed 1 suggested.
Prove it,, said my wife, skeptically.
Il rushed ont Of the house, caught
boat 10 New York, and, arriving in the
city. went stra- ght TO the newspaper
office. On my way th-re | kept getting
hotter and hotter and when l con-
frOn,ed the clerk who had taken my
al l did some pretty good off-hand
swearing When I had finished this dia-
tribe, the clerk laughed and handed me
q big bundle Of letters, with these re-
marks:
A man brought these letters here a
while ago and made the same kind OF
Kick. Your adj should have read Fl,
6S," and his e, S." The addresses
seem 10 have got changed. Bring back
his letters. Here are yours
Il bought a paper and looked up the
'ad.' II was q personal wherein a gem
tleman of 80 desired the acquaintance
OF an agreeable young lady with view
to ma -rimony. l took the paper home
and showed it to my wife, giving her
the clerks explanation. She accepted
it after a fashion, but she is still sus-
piciouS and has not stopped talking
about the blamed ticket yet."-New
York Times.