Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-07-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

81 love you unspeakably, Molly"
"But perhaps you might speak to
mamma. "-Fliegende Blaetter,
Teacher-"Wh is IN island?"
Little Johnny Squanch-"A body of
land almost entirely occupied by in
surgents. Puck.
Teacher-"Can You give me any
idea of what hollow mockery is?"
Pupil-"Yessum our ice chest in win
ter is. ."-Roxbury Gazette.
Once more these sad conditions como
To grieve the country and the town;
The mercury now runneth up;
The perspiration runneth down.
Washington Star.
Very Amateur Singer lat evening
party)-"Let me like a soldier tall ~
Agonizsd Guest--"You certainly
should if l had gun anywhere handy"
Standard.
Depth of Woe: "Did George look
anxious when he proposed to you,
Kitty?" "Yes; he looked as if he
were learning to ride a wheel. Chi
cago Record.
Snobson-"I feel dweadfully. l
gave an at home yesterday and only
ten people came" Quiz-'Why don't
you give u funeral? You'd have il
crowded. Truth,
Attorney-"What was there about
the deceased that led you to believe no
was of unsound mind?" Witness
"Well, for one thing, he abhorred
bicycles. "-Philadelphia North Ameri.
can.
Teacher-"Now, Freddie, since you
have correctly spelled Philadelphia.
can you tell me what State it is in?"
Freddie-"Yes, sir. | heard pa say
the other day that it was in state OF
coma"
Hicks-"T saw your poem in the
paper last week. How did you get
your pull with the editor?" Wicks--
"Oh, 1 didn't bother the editor, |
called upon the business manager
Somerville Journal.
snow, Johnny, do you understand
thoroughly why am going to whip
you?" "Yes'm. You're in bad
humor this morning, an you've got to
lick some one before you'll feel satis'
fled. "-Harlem Life.
Margaret-"Don't you think Mauds
loved Charlie?" Ethel-"No, dear;
it is my firm belief that she only mar.
ried him for his beautiful collection
of striped outing shirts. "-Philadel.
phia North American.
He-"Which did you like best of my
verses?" She-"Why, the one on the
first page" He-'Let me see. Which
one was that?" She-"Don't you re-
member? The one in quotation
marks. Harlem Life.
"You do not go ont often to dinner,
Mrs. Waddington?" "No, 1 don't
think the best dinner on earth is suffi.
cient compensation for making ones
self agreeable for three hours Mt
stretch. Chicago Record.
Daughter -"This piano is really my
very own, isn't it, papa" Pa-"Yes,
my dear" "And when marry / car
take it with me, can IL" Certainly,
my child; but don't tell any one. II
might spoil your chances. Tit Bits.
Ferry-"Why don't you get mar
ried? Don't say you can't stand the
expense. That excuse is too thin
Harereaves-"I could stand the ex.
pense well enough, hut the girls father
says he can't. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Miss Bellefeld-"D you like Mr..
Van Braam, Nellie?" Miss Bloomfield
(who is addicted to slang)-"Yes
like him | don't think" Miss Belle
field-"That is the great trouble With
you, Nellie. You should cultivate 6
habit of thought. "-Pittsburg Chron,
icle.
"What do you think of my work
with the camera?" asked the young
man, who is an enthusiastic amateur
photographer. ats splendid IN its
way" replied the girl who means we'll.
"lt's better than any of the profes
sional caricaturists can do. Wash
ington Star.
A Continuous Performance "You
remember when | proposed to you?"
said the young husband. "I believe
l do recollect something of the sort"
answered the young wife. "And you
told me l would have to see youi
mother" eyes" 81 must have mis-.
understood you. I never dreamed
that it was the programme that !
should see your mother every day
came home. indianapolis journal.