davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
lie Was His Own Dictionary.

A good story comes from Meeker
County, Minnesota, and has to do with
a well.known country school district
there. When 1t came time last sum
mer to hire a teacher, the local
Board discovered that there were
two applicants, both young men.
As to salary there was no diff
ference between their bids, but
the second one insisted that, if he
were employed, the Board should pro-
vide dictionary for the schoolroom.
The first one made no such demand,
and said that he would be well able to
get along without dictionary. As he
expressed it, it was useful only in the
matter of defining words and giving
their pronunciation. Number one
got the school. Last week the Board
made its first visit to the building.
Everything went well for the first fif-
teen minutes, but finally red-headed,
freckled-faced youth in the rear of the
room held up his right hand and
snapped his fingers in a very energetic
manner.
"What is it, Charlie?" asked the
teacher.
al want to know how to pronounce
q word" said Charlie.
"Spell it, replied the teacher.
Charlie, IN a loud voice, spelled out
the word vocabulary"
"Vo-ca-bull-ary," responded tho
teacher, placing the accent on the
"bull :" and he added, as TO its mean
ing; "Appertaining to horned cat.
tle
The Board cut short its visit and is
now looking for a new teacher and get
ting ready to buy an unabridged die
tionary. Minneapolis Journal.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
Labouchere's Mistake.

Henry Labouchere tells of an awk
ward mistake he made about De Per
signy, Napoleon's right.hand man and
the "maker of the Second Empire. "
His appearance was plebian, and when
the London editor saw him at nn
evening reception he took him for a
waiter and asked for a cup of tea.
"De Persigny good-humoredly went
for it," says Mr.. Labouchere, "and 1
was knocked into heap at seeing his
grand Gordon of the Legion of Honor,
but kept down my confusion and got
into a rafting chat with him."
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
Looking for a Lost Dog.

Sam Hughes lost a fine dog some
time ago. He secured the town,
watched the ferry boats and adver-
tised, but still he could not tiud his
dog. One day he received an auOny-
nous letter stating that his dog was
locked up in a shed back Of a house on
Bryant street.
Hughes reasoned that it would be of
no use to go and demand his dog, for
the people who were keeping 1t would
simply deny all knowledge of it, and
rs soon as he got out of the way would
conceal the animal somewhere else.
He knew he would have to resort to
strategy.
He rang the bell one morning and
told the woman who came TO the door
that he was the gas man and wanted TO
see her meter. She slammed the door
in his face, for no gas was used in the
house. The next week Hughes went
to IA grocery and bought a dollars
worth of sugar. Then he stuck q
pencil behind his ear aud tried to get
around the back way to deliver it. A
bulldog chased him out
A few days later he rented a room
from one of the neighbors aud dc.
termined to watch, His perseverance
was rewarded by seeing the old lady
carry milk ont to the shed back of tho
house. That night he dropped over
the back fence and crept into the place
where be expected to find his cog. He
called softly, and the animal rubbed
against his leg. He stretched ont his
hand to pat 1t and felt pair of horns.
II was the old lady's goat he was pet
ting.
Hughes abandoned the search Tor
his dog. San Francisco Post
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
GIadstone's Pudding.

Shelley once blurted out that pud'
ding was a prejudice; but according
to a contemporary, which tells the fol-
lowing exciting story, Mr.. Gladstone
merely regards the habit of eating it
too hot as a prejudice; zone day, not
long ego, he was going for drive
into Chester after luncheon. His pud.
ding was very hot, TO he went away
from the table, changed his clothes,
got ready for the drive and came back
aud finished his pudding, thus saving
ten minutes during which his pudding
cooled /"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.

Germany has a steel wire fywheel.
Paper telegraph poles are increas-
ing.
Harvard College has discovered
fourteen new variable stars of long
period.
A bill has been introduced into Con-
gress for the construction of cruisers
IN which electricity will be used as q
power.
DIR. Peters, the African explorer, is
about to undertake a new exploration
of Somaliland under the auspices of
number of wealthy Americans.
The Pennsylvania has introduced an
economical innovation on its South
west system by having the fires on all
its locomotives started with crude oil.
Naphtha is now used for securing
wood. 1t is claimed to be less injuri-
Gus to the wood fiber, and more pure
wood oil can be saved than when the
wood is secured with alkali.
The layer of decaying matter cover
ing forest soil has been found by NJ.
E. Henry to increase gradually for
about ten years, when it reaches 6000
or 1000 pounds per acre, and thereaf-
ter remains very nearly constant in
quantity.
DR.. de Renzi, professor of clinical
medicine at the University of Naples,
reports that in twenty-five cases where
he has used DR.. Maragliano's treatment
for tuberculosis he has found dis
tinct improvement, and in some has
cured the disease.
One of the novelties exhibited at the
National Cycle Show at Crystal Palace,
London, was a canopy which protected
| the rider from sun or rain. This
canopy is like the ordinary buggy top,
and is steadied by means OF u small
wheel at the back which runs on the
ground.
The moisture of the eye is a genuine
solvent. Many persons have gone to
bed troubled with foreign substance
in the eye, and have walked up in the
morning to find it gone. In many
cases of this kind the foreign matter
has been dissolved by the moisture of
the eye.
Large deposits of platinum have
been discovered at Fitfeld in New
South Wales. One bed Of platinifer.
GUS lead ore is mile long and from
sixty to $50 feet wide. The crude
metal contains about seventy-five per
cent. of platinum and sells on the field
for Sc an ounce.
The common house fly is said to be
provided with 5000 eyes; that is to
say, his two compound eyes have each
5000 facets. By this singular arrange
ment he is enabled to see in every di-
rection, and to elude with great skill
and success the many dangers that
threaten his daily existence.
AIChicago dispatch states that the
first needle factory in the United States
is soon to be established in that city.
The needles are to be made by new
machine of American invention, which
can turn out, it is asserted, $500
needles an hour at q cost materially
lower than the present price of i'm
ported needles.
George B. King, in Psyche, n well
known chronological journal, asserts
that insects freeze solid during the
winter and thaw out when warm
weather comes. This surely has never
been demonstrated. If once the
power of evolving heat is lost life goes
with it. At least this is a great prin.
ciple in biology. There are liquids
which do not freeze under low TEN.
perature, and these possibly enter into
the insect organism.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

There were ia, 439 fewer children
being educated in French primary
schools than there we're five years ago,
according TO the last report of the
Minister OF Public Instruction, while
in the five years the number of pupils
in the schools of the Christian
Brothers nearly doubled. Tho
Brothers are now teaching 1866, Ss7
children, with no aid from the Gov.
ernment.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

The horse-Aesh cannery in Portland,
Oregon, has been forced to shut down,
and the mustangs of the Oregon plains
will be allowed to roam unmolested
for some time. 1t seems that the Bel
gian market, on which the promoters
of the enterprise counted, was ruined
by Chicago Gamers, who shipped rot
ten meat, and the Japanese failed to
take kindly to horse.hesh. The man
ayers of the new enterprise have prob.
ably come to the conclusion that tho
way of the reformer is hard.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Some temptations are like privileges
~-granted only to few. Life.
'How was the bride given away ?"
'By her complexion. - Chicago Rec
ord.
The man who is ahead of his time
usually isn't worth much when his
time comes.
She-"Have you really got coro-
metz" The Lord-'tNo; but here's
the pawn ticket. Life.
The man who can learn from his
own mistakes, can always be learning
something. Rams Horn.
Misery may love company; but the
host should remember that the guest
is not likely to reciprocate.
Before taking the will for the deed
please remember that wills are more
easily broken than deeds. Truth.
After men have become prominent,
it is discovered that their laziness
was sign of genius. Atehison
Globe.
Smokeless powder must be an en-
barrassment, at times, to the warrior
who doesn't know which way to run.
Truth.
Gazely-"Is it good to sat at night
before going to bed?" LAzboy-"Be
definite, man, is what good to eat?"-
Roxbury Gazette.
"Have those people in the other fat
been married long?" 81 think not; he
takes maps on her best silk pillows"
Chicago Record.
'The game is up" remarked the
hungry customer, as he noted the ad-
vance in price of birds on the bill OF
fare.-Philadelphia Record.
Mr.. Boodles-"You began life as u
bare.footed boy, 1 understand" New
Clerk-"Yes, sir; l was born without
shoes. New York Herald.
"Poster designs are said to be often
mere accidents. " ''Some of them
must be regarded as fatal accidents,
too. ."-Chicago Evening Post.
Drug Clerk-"How will you have
your soda-hot or cold?" Customer
-"Guess I'll have it hot; haven't
time to wait for it to get cold. "-Rox.
bury Gazette.
Louise-"Ho do you come on with
that leap year proposal?" Emma
81 don't know yet. Harry is still ex-
amining my letters of recommends
ton" Judge.
Easily Explained; "Here. you are
no kind of an Office boy if you can't
tell the time of day." "Please, sir, l
was eddicated at night school. -
Chicago Tribune.
Bert-'I can't think of marriage
just yet you know I'm not rich. An
gelina-"What difference does that
makeP" Bert-"None, providing you
are. "-Roxbury Gazette.
80 you were thrown outP" re-
marked the ashbarrel. 'lhat is what
you get for being crooked. "My
crookedness is not my fault, said the
nail. 81 was driven to il by wo.
man. indianapolis journal.
Jennie" said Mr.. Portly, 81 wish
you'd put a 'V' in my dress trousers.
I'm getting too stout to wear 'em."
81 will, responded his spouse; "but
wish you'd put n couple of 'V's' in
my purse. It's getting so thin that
it slips through my fingers
Hermione-"Isn't Jack good? He
has engaged himself to me, you know:
but he says he will not bind me to him.
If | can get somebody else, he says he
shan't Interfere" Blanche (sweetly)
-'It is evident that he feels perfectly
sure of you. Boston Transcript.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
INFERENCE.

Garrulous Boarder-"For ten years
my habits were as regular as clock
work. 1 rose t the stroke of 6;
half an hour later sat down to break
fast at was at work, dined at -,
ate supper at 6, and was in bed at
$50; ate only hearty food, and wasn't
i'll a single day."
Sarcastic Boarder -"Dear me? And
what we're you in for?" lawful silence. J
Pick -Me-Up.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS,

Education Up to Date--A Doubtful
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Idea of
1t-Softenlng the Blow, Etc. Etc
We teach the children Danish,
Trigonometry and Spanish;
Fill their heads with old-time notions
And the secrets Of the oceans,
And the cuneiform inscriptions
From the land Of the Egyptians;
Learn the date Of every battle,
Know the habits Of tho cattle.
Know the date Of every crowning,
Read the poetry Of Browning.
Make them show a preference
For each musty branch Of science;
Tell the acreage Of Sweden,
And the serpents wiles in Eden;
And the other things we teach 'em
Make a mountain 50 immense
That we have not a moment left
To teach them Common Sense.
London Truth.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

Sigpor Cairano, an Italian lawyer,
will not be safe in South America. He
has written book on "South Ameri-
can Dictators," in which he gives the
presidents" OF the Southern Repub-
lies anything but good name. Presi-
dent Diaz, of Mexico, he says, is the
best of them, but he is practically a
dictator, though devoted to tho inter
ests OF the people.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

Germany is among the strongly nd
vancing commercial countries. Her
advance has been most marked in the
value of her imports, which increased
during the eleven years from $685.
100000 to 1881, 900, 900 year. The
value of her exports concurrently fell
of to the extent of SAC, 600, 900 a year.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
ADVICE OF AN EXPERT.

Hojack-"I don't know what to do
with that dog. I've tried a dozen
times to give him away, but no one
will have him."
Tomdik-"Tried to give him away,
did you? That's no way to get rid of
a dog. Ask $40 or $50 for him. -
Puck.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
I LOVE YOU, DEAR.

"I love you, dear"
There is no phrase so worn and old
In all the world; nor one so sweet
To lovers lips or maiden's ear
As this refrain: II love you. dear"
II love you, dear"
There is no change as time goes on,
No new words seem to mean as much
As when they're uttered iondly near
In trembling tones; 81 love you, dear"
az love you, dear.
No night SO dark, no day so long
But Hope brings comfort to the heart;
If only "some one" standeth near
To murmur low: II love you, dear"
Form
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

While horses in the United States
show decrease of only two per cent.
in number in four years their value
has decreased within n fraction of fifty
per cent. To-day a good bicycle costs
more than an ordinary horse, but it is
far less expensive to keep.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
COMPULSORY.

"You like music, understand"
every much.
"Then you are very happy in the
location of your fiat.
al am miserable"
"But that young lady next door
plays all the time. II you enjoy
music"
"It is because 1 enjoy music that 1
intend to move out. "--Chicago Post.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
TWO KINDS OF LOSS.

Two OF the lady survivors of rail.
road wreck were bemoaning their
losses to each other in the hospital
after it was all over.
"Oh," groaned one, 81 have lost my
arm"
''Think of me-, cried the other; 81
have lost my husband"
Eyes, yes, moaned the first, "but
you can get another husband. -
Truth.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
game

Spain allows Cuba only 1882, 900 q
year for public instruction and makes
the University of Havana source of
profit to the State. Even Hayti spends
more than Cuba for the education of
its people.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
soFTENING THE BLOW.

Grace-W must refuse him, poor
fellow, but I wish l could do some-
thing to lessen the pain of it"
Maud-"Get some one to tell him
that you haven't so much money as he
thinks you have. "-Brooklyn Life.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

Alfred Austin receives q salary of
$500 year MS English Laureate, and
draws back salary from tho time of
Tennyson's death in 1892. so far
Austin is a long way ahead OF tho
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

BY 1900 Greater London will prob
ably have q population of 6,496, 900,
while Greater New. York will have
5000 900.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
DOUBTFUL.

Chollie-"I had a fevah once and
for three weeks ] positively didn't
know anything"
Kittie -"Thnt was dreadful, but
don't you think you'll ever get over
itT-Life.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
ONE WAY.

"Bridget, you've broken as much
china this month as your wages amount
to. Now, how can we prevent this oc-
curing again?"
"Oi don't know, mum, unless yez
raises me wages. Life.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

There are somo 5000, 600 "super-
fluous women" in Europe that it does
not know what to do with. There
are not enough bachelors to 60
aronnd.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
THEY MERELY EXISTED.

Professor Qecturing) - Oxygen,
gentlemen, Is essential to all animal
existence; there could be no life
without it. Strange to say, it was not
discovered until century ago
when"
Student-"What did they do before
it was discovered, Professor ?"-Puck.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
A DOUBTFUL ExPEDIENT.

Clara-"Is he bashful?"
Maude-"Dreadfully SO. I may
have to urge him to kiss me.
Clara-"Aren't you afraid you will
scare him away P"- Truth.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
HIS IDEA OF IT.

Teacher-"Tommy, what is meant
by nutritious foodP' I"
Tommy-"Something to eat that
amt got no taste to 1t. Indianapolis
Journal.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
UNIQUE.

''She is the most original wo man ]
ever knew"
"How is that?"
"When she hasn't anything to say
she doesn't talk. Life,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29

Ameer Abdur Rahman has deter
mined to introduce an electric light
ing system NJ Cabuj, lnin, aud oloe-
tric motors in his Nctories.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
A DRAWING ROOM PUPPET.
ILDRED WARINd

lhDhED w AhlNG
considers herself
an intellectual per-
son. Her intellec-
tual capacities dis
play themselves in
the occasional Pc
rusal of uninter-
esting books aud
in the subsequent
distribution of
fragments of their
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
The population of Mexico is two and
one-half times that Of Canada.

Chile has n ore poets in proportion
to her population than any other
country.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-04-29
RATES OF ADVERTISING,

One Square, one inch, one insertion..s 1 90
One Square, one inch, one month. o.. 100
One Square. one inch, three months. 90
One Square, one inch, one year ..... 10 90
Two Squares, one year,. ...,...-.. 10 90
Quarter Column, one year ....,..,.... 30 90
Half Column. one year so 90
One Column. one year .....,,. 100 90
Legal advertisements ten cents per line
each insertion.
Marriages and death notices gratis.
All bills for yearly advertisements collected
quarterly Temporary advertisements must
be paid in advance
Job work-casd on delivery.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1896-10-29
MEANS PROSPERITY
FOR THE FARMERS.
HOW GOLD WILL AID THEM.
The L aw Of Supply and Demand
and Overproduction Will
Always Controlthe
Prices.

Major Mckinley is not obliged to make
complicated arguments to prove the sound
ness of his position for gold standard.
All that is demanded of him is to call at
tentior to facts. In recent speech, for
instan:e, he said that the price of wheat is
fixed by the law of supply and demand,
which is eternal. Gold has not made long
crops or short crops, high prices or low
prices. Gold has not opened up the wheat
fields of Russia, India or the Argentine
Republic, nor will free silver destroy them.
These ore the words of q man who has
studied economies for lifetime. His con-
illusions are those at which any sensible
man must arrive If there should be an
oyerproduction of wheat, corn or other
cereal next summer the fact that tho coun-
try is using honest money will not keep
prices up. The law of supply and demand,
being a natural one, will control the mar
kets as heretofore. But whenlthe farmer
sells tie produce hewill know that each of
the dollars he receives will buy dollars
worth of things he needs and that he will
get the full benefit Of cheap prices in his
purchases These conditions mean pros
perity, and the farmer knows it as well as
anybody New York Press.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1896-10-29
TALK.

ureceved splendid line Of hats upwards
Aruck Levemg Roasted Cohees
good check Best Gngham medium 61
Check All filling
Yard wide all nobody beat 7sc
ford Ties and all slippers All Solid
in
Line Mems Fine Shoes takes the cake $2 good solid
genuine Calf Shoes Laced
beauty Cents Calf "Craker jack
Ladies' Shoes money
imported Iron goods in Queensware
n
Splendid line Dark
shirts
Spacle biggest line
Our slightly tinted the thing for students
Bulk Meat fine
cash will be charged nobody
goods The marked plain We
sincerely thank patronage
the
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1896-10-29
AN IRISHMAN'S OPINION.
How Free Trade Has Beggared and Ruin.
ed ireland.

An Irishman-a sharp, shrewd and well
read gentleman--recenty expressed his SON
timents, as follows: Free trade has ruined
Ireland, beggared its people and driven
them into exile. 1t will do the same by
any people who adopt it. 1t is the duty of
every IrishInan to vote for Mckinley the
champion of protection and the foe of Brit
ish free trade, And any Irishman who
will vote for Bryan ought to have written
across his forehead in lines of blood and
birthstone, that all people might see it: !
am no longer an Irishman; am traitor
to my race and a slave of Great Britain, +"
1t is tho duty of every American citizen
to rise up rs one man, unite heart and
hand and work from now on until Nov.
for Mckinley, the advance agent of pros
perity, whose election will bring to the
American people a return of good times,
plenty of employment, better wages, better
markets and happier homes. American
Economist.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1896-10-29
The Kernel In the Nut.

Right here is the kernel of the free sill
yer nut, the central deception Of the whole
humbug-the confounding of price with
value, and attempting to cheat the farmer
and the planter, and everybody else who
produces things to sell, into the belief that
by change in prices, by merely making
half as many cents worth of metal the
standard to measure by as are now, used
for that purpose, the real values of things
will be doubled and they will all be SC
much better off AS If collecting SO, each
worth 80 cents, from purchaser of goods
would be more profitable than collecting
81 worth 100 cents Baltimore Sun.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1896-10-29

1t is believed that if Bryan were elected
Richard p. Bland of Missouri would be-
come secretary of the treasury. When he
was pressing the passage of his free coin
age bill in congress in 1878, Mr.. Bland
declared his true sentiments when he said
that If the silver men could not pass a
free coinage act he was in favor of issu-
ing paper money enough to stuff down the
bondholders until they are sick. Govern
or Griggs Of New Jersey.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1896-10-29

The full import of the plank that de-
nounces President Clevelands course in
suppressing the rioters of the Chicago
strike is gradually being realized. If the
party that created that plank means what
it says, then there is greater danger than
silver monometallism, greater dishonor
than reputation of honest debts lurking
behind the triumph Of Bryan and his Co.
horts.-Covington (Ky.) Bell.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1896-10-29
Good Money For Good Work.

The American laborer has right to de-
mand pay for his work in as good money
as the employer receives for his products
in any part of the world, and when he sur
renders this right he is doomed to the
same fate that has already overtaken his
brothers in the silver standard countries.