davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1896-10-28
INGLE COPY FIVE CENTS.
'ROHIDITIONIsTs.
"a hnrrer Adiurcs
and Firm.

Specially. G. VOL
the well known at
orator. who has ad-
audiences in nearly
the prohibition ques-
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
The Statesman's Boomerang Joke.

From the Washington Times.
One member of the house IS in a
regular stew just now. He IS telling
the story on himself:
"I was slightly surprised few days
ago to receive a letter from a constitu-
ent, as follows:
." Dear Judge: Tim Dooley says
that the government gives away fish to
those who apply. l don't know if this
is so or not; but If it so l wish you
would send me some. The only kind
we get here are in half-pound pack
ages, called boneless cod. And they
are no account, and then they make
you thirsty. If they give away any
fishhooks 1 wish you would send me
some, for the Major, Ransom Brown,
Judge Kaufman and have planned to
go fishing as soon as the weather opens
up. You know they all worked we'll
for you last time
"For the sake of the joke dropped
into a sporting goods store and bought
tin box of hooks for 81 90, sent it to
my friend with note saying that /
was very glad that l had some fish
hooks still left in my quota though
there had been great demand for
them and the horse book. The supply
of fish had run out, and the president
had been so occupied with bonds and
had congress on his hands so long that
our supply was exhausted. regretted
also that the ducks have been wild or
could maybe have got some, but last
trip Grover only got thirteen, and he
needed most of those himself
"The result was fourteen requests
for fishhooks within a week, and they
are still coming. 1t is no use saying
that Uncle Sam does not handle fish
hooks, as here are the hooks and there
is my letter, and if don't send them
every last man that l refuse will
sharpen a knife for me next campaign,
and if do | will 60 broke"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
The "SOund Money" Address.

From the Jefferson City Tribune.
The address promulgated by the
st. Louis ''sound- money" meeting is q
well written paper; it abounds in
good rhetoric throughout, and bears
the unmistakable ear marks of Mr..
Fred w. Lehman,
The general tone of the address Is
unobjectionable, but it contains, in two
respects at least, assumptions and
assertions to which it is not entitled
and not borne out by the facts. 1t
proceeds upon the theory that the
"sound money contingent is the
party, and that the free silver people
have wandered off after false gods. II
this be true, then we have striking
object lesson of the "tail wagging the
dog This assumption, however,
will do no harm, because IL is ridiculous.
AS to the unprecedented action" Ia
calling the convention as early as
April 10, the committee simply obeyed
the instructions of q state convention.
Two years ago the state nominating
convention was held in May. This
was also unprecedented" bat the
committee had full power to name
the date, and nobody questioned its
authority.
The insinuation that all democrats
who are opposed to free silver will be
"proscribed" or read out Of the party
is the veriest nonsense. There has not
been, as yet, a single delegate elected
to the Sedalia convention. Not .
single democratic county convention
has. as yet, attempted to ''proscribe"
anybody. We have failed to find any-
where in the country democratic press
the faintest expression in favor of
prescription.
Our "sound money! friends antici-,
pate too much. 1t is only fair to
presume that delegates to the Sedslia
convention will be elected in the usual
way. No new method has been pre-
scribed by the state central committee,
and we take it for granted thai our
"sound money" brethren will abide
by the majority, just the same as the
free silver democrats are bound to do.
and will do.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
Highest Of all in 1eavenng POwerLates US Govt Report
R%!aa!!! g! fs%assl! fRskiRs
ABSOLUTELY PURE
Voting for President.

Ex-President Benjamin Harrison in the Ladies
Home Journal.
We are in the habit of speaking Of
the presidential election as taking place
on the first Tuesday after the Grs;
Monday in every fourth gear, but in
fact no vote is given for president aud
vice-president at that time at all. The
names of the party nominees for presi-
dent and vice-president are printed on
the ballots, but in fact no voter votes
3r can vote for them. lie votes for
certain men whose names are on the
ticket as electors; aud, by the act of
Februaey Q, 1887, these men assemble
In each state at the capital on the
second Monday Of January and vote
for president and vice.presIdert.
These votes from each state arc sealed
and sent in duplicate to the president
of the United States senate, one copy
by mail and the other by special mes
senger. So that, in fact, our president
is elected on the second Monday of
January in every fourth year, though
we are not in doubt as to who is to be
chosen, because the electors are morally
bourd by the nomination in convention.
Should an elector fail to vote tor The
nominee of his party, General Harri-
son AYERS, he would become an object
of general execration, and in times of
very high excitement might be the
subject of lynching.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
The Silver Line Must not wayer.

From the Boonville (Mo) Democrat.
There must he no wagering in the
democratic silver line in Missouri, and
there will be none. The fact that the
gold-bug leaders, Ex Governor Francis
and others held a conference in ST.
Louis few days ago and resolved to
contest the choice of delegates to the
Sedalia convention, will enthuse and
solidify the free silver forces and make
palmer the necessity of presenting in
the convention an unbroken front.
Let there be no wavering or lack Of
interest in our lines in any county.
More than this-let the free silver
democracy 10 their township meetings
and county conventions and also In the
state convention at Sedalia, see to it
be sure of it-that the right men are
selected as delegates, men who are not
only democrats good and true, but men
who have the Intelligence 10 know
what should be done and the courage
TO enforce their convictions.
Theoretically, and it should be true
of it practically, the national conven-
tion at Chicago will represent the
democracy of the state, aud the voice
of that democracy ought to dominate.
The delegates TO that body act, speak
and vote in place of the democrats
themselves and therefore the will of a
majority of the democrats of the state
should be the measure and inspiration
of their conduct
II it were otherwise, our represen-
tatiyes would not represent, but would
pc transmitted INTO misrepresentation
and act, speak and vote as the demo-
Gratis themselves would not if personally
present acting for themselves.
If a majority OF the democrats oi
Missouri are IN favor of the gold
standard and against the free coinage
Of silver and gold. the Sedalia conven-
tion ought to send to Chicago a solid
gold-bug delegation. Ii in favor o.
free coinage and against the gold-bug
policy, there ought to be no wa7ering
in the silver line, but harmonious,
unbroken delegation in favor of free
silver.
The free silver democrats hope tC
control the national convention. Il
might transpire that the election tC
that body from Missouri, Texas
Arkansas, etc., of a half dozen, more
or less, OF gold-bug delegates, or Of
men who would not in good faith obey
instructions, might defeat the will OF
the majority and foist upon the democ-
racy of the nation a platform and
candidates not IN accordance with
their choice.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
Railroad News.

From the blackWater T1mes-
We are IN receipt of news OF an
authoritative sort that work will surely
begin on the extension Of the Jefferson
City, Boonville and Lexington railroad
from Boonville to jefferson City before
july. No doubts are now entertained
as to the project, but, to the contrary,
our people who know, no longer enter
tain any doubts but that the road will
be built. The Missouri Pacific is now
busy driving piling from ROCKVILLE to
Lexington and making every culvert
and bridge strong enough to bear up
the heaviest engines; only short time
ago some of the high officials passed
over the river s'route," which ut the
time was presumably for the purpose
of settling the fact as to whether the
road should be completed in the near
future, and it has been at last given
out that the road would be built this
summer 1t is about thirty-seven
miles from Boonville to Gray's Greek,
which is the place the branch road
will intersect the main line of the
Missouri Pacific; that is, about four
miles west of jefferson City.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
The Missouri Confederate Home.

From the st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The managers of the Confederate
Home at Higginsville, in issuing their
report for the year 1895, make a
further appeal to the public that has
so generously aided the institution in
the past. They show it to be in
satisfactory condition, such as the
people of Missouri have good cause to
feel proud of.
One year ago there were but two or
three camps of Confederate Veterans
in Missouri. There are now forty
eight camps, and the commanding
officers of this organization of veterans
naturally appeal to the membership TO
do all they can towards sustaining
their disabled comrades at the home.
Their response will prove their gen.
erosity, but the general public, which
erected the home and has so well
sustained it up to the present time,
should not allow the entire burden
" IcSb Oh Luc onOulucTS Vi Iuc Olu
soldiers.
1t has been customary for the county
clerk and other county officials in each
school district to select some person to
read the address of the managers of
the home at the April school elections.
This arouses public interest and gives
those who desire an opportunity to
show their sympathy for the home by
contributing to its support. 1t is
desirable that the person chosen for
this task should be someone who will
take lively interest in the cause.
The report for 1895 shows that the
home farm has been well managed.
The new hospital built by the Daugh-
ters of the Confederacy of St. Louis is
nearly completed. A number of desir-
able improvements have been made in
the buildings and the home is yearly
becoming more successful and more
nearly self-supporting. The people of
Missouri must see that this good record
is not allowed to be impaired for lack
of support in the future.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
Capt. A. A. Lesueur.

From the Odessa Democrat.
Capt. A. A. Lesueur is one of the
present state officials that we hope to
see reelected. He is one of the
strongest men in the party, and this
year, when the republicans will make
the effort of their lives to elect n repub-
lican, it behooves the democratic party
to put out Its best men. He received
the largest vote of any man on the
ticket at the last election, and even the
republicans could find no fault with the
way his office was conducted. He has
made the most satisfactory secretary of
state Missouri has ever had. He is a
democrat and is worthy of all the
honors his party has bestowed upon
him, and has always remained true to
the interests of his people. The dem
ocratic party will honor itself by
honoring Capt. Lesueur with another
nomination, and will add much strength
to the ticket by SO doing.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
Newspaper Men.

Cnauncey ~. DepeW.
Every profession has its code of
honor. That code is always based
upon confidence and trust. / see more
reporters and oftener than any ten
men in the universe. They breakfast,
dine, sup and sleep with me, or prac-
tically, that is what it amounts to.
They come to me blue penciled at all
hours of the day and night for a
revelation which they must take back
In some form or be discredited at the
Office. 1t is often a matter which it is
important to me, IN justice to the
interests which l represent or the
people who trust me, not to reveal,
but when, as often happens, some
thing can be said which will reach
over the important crisis by a sugges-
tiOn of facts, and the situation can
only be understood by a full explana-
ton, the reporter hears in confidence
the story, and then the line drawn
beyond which he must not 60, and
never has that confidence been mis-
placed nor the line overstepped.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
The Real Cause OF Defcat.

hanSaS City W Orlu
The sound money address attributes
the defeat of the democrats at the last
election IN this state to the silver men.
ssThose who propose this policy of
rule or ruin," it says, "assumed the
direction of the party at the election
of their leadership eliminated in over
whelmlng disaster" 1t is estimated
and the estimate is generally conceded
to be correct, that more than forty
thousand democrats did not vote mt the
last election, and that The republicans
were successful, not because of repub-
lican gains, but because of democratic
apathy or dissatisfaction. Now, if, as
the address says, the silver men had
ssassumed the direction of the party
1t cannot be that these forty odd
thousand democrats who did not vote
were silver men, but they must been
gold bugs who even that long ago were
pursuing the policy which has become
historic with them-the policy o.
boiling every ticket that is not abso-
lutely committed to the gold standard
1t is absurd to say that the silver mer
beat Mr.. Bland. lie was beaten by
boiling gold goldbugs. And more
than this, the administration did moi
raise hand or voice to help this ticket
IN this state or any other state IL
which the goldbugs were not in con
troll of the party.
But breaks of this kind do not count
one way or the other. The address is
not expected to make converts to the
single gold standard. 1t was put or
as a blind to conceal tho real purpose
of the conference. This purpose was
to form plan to secure some goldbug
delegates to the Chicago convention
Mr.. Cleveland has announced that the
goldbugs lack $50 delegates of having
enough to control the Chicago cenven.
ton and secure the nomination of &
goldbug ticket and the adoption of g
goldbug platform. OF these $50 dele
gates Missouri is expected to furnish
ten. The only possible way to get
them, or any part of them, Is to have
tha state represented at Chicago, not
as state, but by congressional dis
tricts. But the question of representa-
ton by congressional districts is moi
argued in the address. 1t was too delicate
subject to attempt to handle in that
way. But the conference, no doubt
gave it serious consideration.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
Further Possibilities Of the X-Rays.

Further Possibilities OF the X-Rays.
From the Chicago Tribune.
"This here Runtgin photographing
scheme is going TO cause trouble" I"
observed Duffy, the Clark street saloon
keeper, yesterday. Duffy Is some
times called ssDuffy, the gam," because
of his propensity for betting over the
bar.
81 see," continued Duffy, having
obtained the undivided attention of the
row in front of the bar, s'they be
taking pictures through blocks of wood
and through mans hands of things
what Is under 'em.
SHOW, what am thinking of is this /:
Some smart guy is going to come
along some day with one of these
jiggers up his sleeve. What show'd a
man stand matching head and tail
with one of them guysp Guess not.
All up, amt itp Sports old standby
busted.
"The first feller that gets one of
these jiggers is going to strike it rich,
you bet. Won't do no good to lay
your hand over your strait flush to
keep him from reading the backs.
He'll rake in all the mum whenever he
gets good and ready.
"When they get poplar. Bill, you'll
be getting a cheap one to examine the
inside of cheap safes, won't you, Bill.
Then you won't have to waste ammu-
milton. This here thing has It's good
sides as we'll as it has its bad ones, eh,
Billp"
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
An Address to the Marines.


free silver coinage had chosen to couch
an argument against the adminIstra-
TONS financial policy in the language
of irony could not have devised a better
model than the address of the goldbug
democrats to the people of the state.
1t is a useless task to attempt to
pick flaws in a statement that contains
nothing but flaws, or to reply to
arguments that are a tissue of false
reasoning based upon misrepresenta-
tions. The address treats fact and
reasoning with such an unctuous
disregard for truth and logic that the
only complete answer to it would be
reversal of every assertion and of
every argument. 1t must be classed
among the humorous contributions to
political literature and we may i'm
agine the amusement with which the
sturdy and intelligent democracy of
the state. will read its declarations
regarding the causes of the financial
troubles of the country and the dissen-
sions in the democratic party.
Do the goldbug democrats really
expect the voters of Missouri to believe
that the financial panic and industrial
depression now existing and those
which have come upon the country
periodically for score of years were
caused by the free coinage Of silver?
Do they expect the farmers to believe
that the constant and and deadening
decrease in the money value of their
products has been caused by the
admission of silver to the mints on an
equality with gold? Do they expect
the business men to Charge the depres-
sion of business and the destruction of
values 10 the adoption of free coinage
policy Do they really think that the
people will charge the impairment OF
the country's credit and the issue of
S263, 100000 of bonds IN a time of
peace to the triumph of free silver?
DO they expect democrats to accept
the theory that the recent popular
revolt which nearly swept the party's
representation out of congress was due
to the policy of an administration
committed to free silver coinage?
But if there is any one statement in
the address which Missouri democrats
will read with smiling wonderment it
is the assertion that the recent disaster
of the party in this state was due to
the control of Its organization and the
shaping of its platform by the free
silyerites.
The memory of the democratic gold
bugs IS short. They have forgotten
within two years the heralded glorious
victory of Ex-Governor Francis and his
followers when they defeated the effort
of Dick Bland to put 16 to plank in
the platform of the last state nomIna-
ting convention. They have forgotten
that the administration democrats were
in control of the last disastrous cam-
paign and that the same group of
democrats have been in control Of
every campaign since the old-time
democratic majority of the state began
to decline.
But why linger over details of
misrepresentationsP When democrats
who oppose gold monometallism and
corporation credit money based upon
public debt are accused of deserting
the party of Jefferson, Jackson and
Benton the charge calls for laughter,
not argument.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
SCROFUL0US SORES
Lady Badly Afflicted Three Years.
Tries Many Doctors Here and
In England without Bene-
fit. Cured by Cuticura.

Ny wife having suffered from Scrofua sores on
the three years. and at times she could not
lie down night, and she tried all the doctors L
could get, and also went TO England TO try ana De
cured there, and all of them failed, and told her
they could do nothing for her; and having tried all
kinds OF remedies at last tried one box OF your
CuTIcuRA REMEDIES, and to-day she Is as well as
she ever was in her life, and her back is as clear
any person living. and for one can recommend
CurIcURA REMEDIES a the only one could find
70 effect y cure. @. w. JONES, Constable
Is Sayles Street, Cleveland, Ohio.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
will Become His Own Father.

From the st. Louis Globe.Democrat.
Ex-President Harrison's brother-in-
law, Judge J. n. Scott, of this city, at
a social gathering the other evening
discovered very unexpectedly that he
was about TO become his own father
The subject of General Harrison's s
approaching wedding was being dis
cussed with party of friends, when
some one asked Judge Scott if that
would not somewhat complicate and
tangle up the limbs on the family tree.
For a moment the question somewhat
stunned the gentleman, and then the
party commenced to try to solve the
matrimonial problem, and the deeper
they went into the subject the more
mystified they became, and finally it
was gwen up rs an unfathomable
tangle. Several OF the notes made and
calculations formed were preserved
and given to the press.
Of the existing relationship Judge
Scott IS fully informed. 1t was in
trying to locate the limb of his own
family tree after the wedding shall
have taken place that he became con-
fused. After several hours of deep
mental exercise he arrived at these
conclusions: al am now General Har-
rison's brother-in-law and Mrs. Dim
mick, his prospective bride, is my
niece. After they are married my
ther-in-law will become my nephew
and my niece, consequently, will
become my sister-in-law. Then, of
course, I will become my own brother
in-law. Now" slowly continued
the philosophical reasoner, delving
into the future little deeper, .'if this
contemplated union should be pro-
ductive of a claimant for the ancestral
hat, he will be my nephew and also my
grand nephew. | will be his uncle
and his grand uncle. Whew,"
calculated the judge, as he wiped the
perspiratIon from his brow, ssthat will
complicate matters. Just see here
Now, in order to be uncle and grand
uncle, to one and the same person, it
must necessarily follow that am my
own father, and-oh, d-n the whole
thing anyhow. 1 am not going to
rack my brain over other peoples
troubles" and up jumped the judge
somewhat expasperated.
The logical result of the union was
quite astonishing, and the judge and
the guests sat down to figure it out
again, arriving at the same conclusion.
Then some one ascertained that Gen.
| eral Harrison would become his own
nephew and a cousin of his own son,
should one be born, and who will,
also, he o second cousin to his own
brother and his fathers hephew. Al
this point the mental exercise subsidized.
The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-03-14
Luck.


Florida Times-Union.
Hard luck is almost a synonym for
laziness.
Good luck is the twin brother of
hard work.
Luck walks while work rides in a
carriage.
Luck pictures dollar while work
earns it.
Luck dreams of home, but work
builds one.
To trust to luck is like fishing with
hookless line.
Luck is disease for which hard work
is the only remedy.
Luck longs for dinrer, while labor
goes out and earns one.
Luck goes barefooted while wors
meyer lacks for n pair of shoes.
Luck is a weather vane with the
distinguishing points broken Off,
The man who relies on luck is lucky
if he keeps out of the poor house
Luck takes nap while brains and
hard work are winning the prizes.