The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1896-03-27
TtRIETIES.

Z HlB TIES.
|. il WeIeF-"An engagement ring?
Certainly. Here is Il five hundred dol
lar one" Customer-"What is the
price of it?''
so old Brown is married at last?''
Yes, and a furriuef, | card "A
foreigner? No, an English lady" sob,
| card as 'Ow she was Il Tartar
-Hilund-Your friend Brnshton is
Il very remarkable man in one respect.
| Halket-"ln what respect do you
mean" Hilard-''He tells me he can
sleep in Il sleeping car"
-Mistress-Mary,h how was it that
saw you treating your friend to my
cake and fruit? Mary can't tell,
ma'am, for the life of me, for I'm
sure covered the keyhole.
The Where's the cashier?''
The Smallest Junior--''He's gone
home, sir; his wife sent Il telegraph to
say the twins We're asleep, and he's
gone home to see what it's like"
Little Girl Your papa has got
only one leg, hasn't he?'' Veteran s
Little Giri-"Yes." Little Girl
Where's his other one?' Veterans
Little Girl-"Hush, dear; it's in
heaven.
Stout Man (whose appetite has
been the envy of his fellow boarders)
u declare. | have three buttons off
my vest" Mistress of the House
You will probably find them in the
dining room, sir
-Blobbs-What nonsense it is for
the newspapers in their accounts of
weddings to describe the bride being
led to the altar. Slobbs-How so?
Blobbs-Well, most girls could find
their way there in the dark.
ooh Miss Sharpley, you are so
funny-I've laughed so much-inG eed
you make me right silly Il link
the Lord did that for you, MIR. BlaI k, "
said she. in a comuiseratipg way,
don't lay his work at my door
-Father-''You may as well give
up thinking about that young H I'd
cash. He does not love you" Daugh-
ter-''How do you know, papa ~
Father-''l met him at the club last
night and he refused to lend Inc &5.n
You make mess of everything"
said Mr. Fozzleton. You are mis-
taken,'I said Mrs Fozzeton, there is
one thing have never been able to
make mess of VET What is that?n
The fish you catch when you go fish
ing
DO you have any friends in school
of your own size, JohnnyY'' "Yes m;
they" are the only kind that can get"
"Why. how is that Il have licked
all of tli~ln litter than me, and have
been licked by all of them that's big
GER
Professor Ito student)-You should
have written on this subject, sir, so
that the most ignorant of your audi
eAce could understand all that you
have TO say on the subject. Student
What part Of my production is not
clear to you, sir?
Election Inspector-Any visible
marks on Your face? Van Pelt-Two
ears, two eyes. one mouth. Election
InSpector--Such marks as that
wouldn't distinguish you from me.
Van Petit said one mouth-not
mouth enough for two.
Perry patettic-"IVe done some
good in my time, anyhow. Once l
saved IL babs from u burning build
ing" Wayworn Watson-''That's
good as far IS it goes, but one time [
waded right out into cold water up to
my neck almost and saved a kid from
gittin' drowned
A young man had been talking to
a bored editor for quite quarter of
an hour, and at last observed:
There are some things in this world
that go without saying.n Yes said
the editor, land there are still more
persons III the worI:i VINO say It good
deal without going"
Henry, you look worried; What
is the troubIeE' Il was stung 10 the
quick by an adder this afternoon"
Heavens. How did it happau?''
"Why. went to the bank this a Ter
noou.and the bank clerk. after adding
up the ledger, told me my account
was overdrawn.n
-Simmons-'What is tine matter
with you You look ASST some one
had made you angry" Timmins-
Some one has. | asked the editor
of the BugIe what he really thought
OF my poetry. and he told me if there
were such place as the Iaureate-nip
in this country, would be sure to get
it,
-Suitor-"Beg pardon for inter
ruptiug., but i-er-have just come
er-that Is, have just been speaking
to vour daughter. and she referred
ne to YOU" Old Gentleman Gee
crickets | wonder if that girl tn AXIS
| am made of money. You are al out
the fortfeth bill collectors she has ent
III today. Ii she doesn' marry pr, tty
soon, Ill be bankrupt"
---
SPEAKING PFOR OLD TRELH Nd.
An English gentleman addicteu to
field sports arrived in Cork last au-
tumn. and engaged a car and dr Yer
to convey him to Il village some lies
from the city. On the way the tt; vel
er remarked:
Ought TO be a good country for
game, eh:H
Game is it, your honor" was the
reply. "Shure, there's oshins av it,'
ANY snipe?''
"Ay, is there, there's more snipe nor
peelers, an more peelers nor praties,
an that's saying IL good dale
"Plenty of pheasants and grouse,
too, suppose
Faith, there's 10 supposin' az all
about it: there's millions av 'em-so
there Is.
Having proceeded some miles and
not seeing II ISittIjti1 liit iHIS liSiiiii'lh
observed, sarcastically:
Him, yes; plenty Of small game,
but | don't think there are any phono-
graphs in these parts"
"Arrah don't be talllin'; shure, after
IA bitav frost the whole country
side. and more speshly the ploughed
Ian. does he swarmin' wild them.
No more questions.
COT HIS "JICK THE CLINT
KILLER"
There is a little anecdote- of Long
Il, Ia T.,