Evening journal., 1896-11-21
SCHRADER, THE HEALER
He Struck More Than He
Bargained For.
AFTER ONE NIGHTS BUSY WORK
HE LEFT FOR A PLACE WHERE
AFFLICTIoN IS SCARCER AND
LABOR LIGHTER-BUT HE DID
SOME GOOD BEFORE HE AC-
CEPTED HIS SECOND CALL.

|
Scene-Parlors Of Father August schra.
der, the Divine Healer. on King street
near Sixth. Time-Thursday night. Ora.
matis Personae-Many worn and weary
Regular Republicans and Addicksites IN
search of surcease Of sorrow.
Father Schrader--What have done
that this should be thrust upon me-
Have l not suffered enough in my pill
grimage, or am l doomed to suffer
more? l had a dream, and in that
dream methought / beheld a lot of
things in hopeless tangle, and a voice
within me said. arise. Schrader. and
get thee hence to Wilmington where a
rich field of labor awaits thee. !" Iarose.
l got me hence and here l am. At last
am in the land of the peach and the
honey; in the heritage of the Demo-
Gratis; in the stamping ground of the
regular Republicans, and in the home of
the Addicksite and the venal voter oh
! Sodom and Gomorrahl thou shouldn't
/ congratulate thyselyes on thy virtues ,
Gotham and Babylon, thou art not in
II! Here | stand with the King Of
! Darkness ruling over hosts of men who
nave manifold sins and bodily infrmi-
ties. But ] defy him. Let him do his
worst 1or Schrader is on deck, and il ia
now ten minutes past his office hours
Attendant-Father. there is a con
trite sinner at the door.
Father Schrader-Let him enter
Hlgglns-Father, | have called upon
you.
Father Schrader-My miserable and
sustained son, it looks very much as
though you have.
Higgins-Father, here is nv hand
kerchief. Bless it, as you have pitv on
poor suffering humanity.
Father Schrader-What is thn
trouble?
Higgins am suffering with a com
pound fracture of my ambition. there
are four or five decorations in nv no
litical prospects; and my feelings are
mortified
Father Schrader-And who has
worked you this heinous wrong?
Higgins-John Edward O'Sullivan
Addicks
Father Schrader-Poor mani He
must be a brute who would treat even
a dumb animal as he has treated Won
Here is your cambric. Applv il IN the
parts affected and, if It does not give a
cure, lay for the son-of-a-gun and oct
even. I'D like to see any galoot treat
me that way and get off with it. You
need nerve tonic and a splint up the
backbone. You look as though you had
seen considerable trouble in your
time. and that it is not yet half over
Have faith, and all will be well. Pass
out that rear door, please. for my time
is limited. There. now, is a man who
has seen better days.
Attendant-Father you have an
other caller. He says that he has come
long distance to see you, and begs to
be admitted
Father Schrader-Tell him to wine
his feet good on the cocoa-fibre mat
and then show him in. What a grand
thing it is to be able to alleviate the
sufferings of our fellow-men.
Addicks-FatherS Schrader. L presume
Father Schrader-That's what Stan
ley said to Livingstone when he met
him in the heart Of Africa. but it's ali
right if you want to use it. Yes. I'm the
Divine healer.
Addicks-I am the gas man that Won
read about
Father Schrader-I don't read there
fore you must be more explicit. What
is your name?
Addicks-My name is J. Edward
Addicks, dealer in coal and water gas.
state and county elections. United
States senatorships and writs of man.
damus The elections of Delaware are
held for my especial benefit. During
all these hard times / have kept the
Judges busy while hundreds OF other
men were out of work and crying for
bread. l am feeding one-half of the
lawyers in Delaware, and the other
half are being fed by the men who are
Trying to beat me in the law business.
II IL We're not for me, we should have
20 mold court over at the almshouse.
mere are eighteen holes in my barrel.
with lawyer at every spigot, and
eVeIyDody else trying to get a straw in
az tne Duhg-hole. I'm man of af-
IdiIs' 1 am, but | am not feeling we'll
tather Schrader-Indigesti
Auulcks-No; / have that tired feel
s lns. MY new constitution is all run
uU"n,ah1 Ieel as though l were going
all to pieces. / have taken manda-
muses. and whiskey and ouinine but
they have afforded me no relief One
minute / have cold hands and the nevt
straight or a bob-tailed flush Moth.
ing seems to go right / have horrible
dreams. Sometimes my friends are ali
deserting me; at others / am pursued
by band of relentless men. Last nigbt
| dreamed that / was on my wav IN
Washington, and just as / got within
sight of the Capitol the engine struck a
jackass and l woke up. You can't imag.
inc how these alternating hopes ana
fears shatter my nerves.
Father Schrader-This case looks
like a cross between Kentucky deler-
ium tremens and Cecil county local
option. DO you indulge in intoxicants?
Addicks-Only for medicinal pur-
poses.
Father Schrader-Oh, I seei Does
your family physician belong to the old
or the new school?
Addicks-TO the new.
Father Schrader-This is inexplica-
BILE. DO you use tobacco in any form?
Addicks-No, | abhor it.
Father Schrader-You say you never
use whiskey?
Addicks-Only for campaign pur-
poses.
E,ofbor Cobrodor Vo, ora c,,ro tI.4