Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1896-05-04
"DREADFUL AMERICAN MANNERS

The presence OF bad manners neceS-
sarily implies the existence of a standard
from which divergence has been made
That standard is established by a minor
ity of persons trained to habits of
thoughtfulness and usefulness. How
small that minority is, a very little eX-
perience will demonstrate, and we do not
always find it's members just where we
should naturally look for them.
Perhaps at no time in our natural life
have the tokens of external polish been
more general than at present; that is
there are a greater number Of people
than ever before who lift the hat in sal
utation, who have fairly good table
manners, who respect the finger bowl on
its merits, and keep the knife in proper
subsection to it's mate. the fork: but the
native savagery is only partially OBJ
scured. Watch the procession OF people
leaving the dining room OF a summer
hotel, each industriously plying his tooth
pick. Observe the rows Of spittoons
which are displayed in railway cars, no.
tel parlors and corridors, steamboat sa-
looms, public halls and business offices
Observe the well-dressed man with his
cigar and the laborer with his pipe. Is
the one, with his presumed advantages
of training, one whit more regardful of
the comfort of persons near him than
the other, who has not had these advan-
of friends who are going on an excursion
together. If they are men, they putt
their cigars in calm disregard of persons
near them on the steamers deck, and
oblige everyone within hearing distance
to listen to their loud and jovial con-
versation. If they are women, they talk
at the tops of their voices and generally
in concert, and involuntary listeners are
made conversant with that host of mi
mute details amid which the feminine
mind delights to wander. Ii the party
be made up Of men and women, there is
a still greater confusion of tongues, much
good nature, a great deal of joking car
ried on in a high key, while the amount
of decorum manifested depends upon the
social position of the members composing
the party. This is a variable quantity,
however, and the blue blood is not al
ways an assurance of absolute propriety.
Urban manners are supposed to be SUI
perior to rustic ones, but the superiority
extends only to externals. It may be
safely said that not more than one per-
son in hundred in a city street shows
any consideration for his neighbor. The
plain fact is that very few of us care
what opinion our neighbor is forming Of
us.
The rule of finest manners ordains
that in public place two or more per-
sons engaged in conversation should not
Ohtrude that conversation upon the ears
of disinterested third parties. Because
A has met B in the street, it is not need
full that G and d should be obliged to
listen to what A and 3 have to say
to each other. Nor when Mrs. e meets
Mrs. & in the street car, should these
two estimable matrons take all the other
occupants of the car into their confidence
respecting, what interests the. two
friends only. There is no rule of good
breeding oftener violated than this Go
where one will, it's observance can hard
ly ever be nOted-its violation is almost
universal. The woman who calls across
the alley to her neighbor leaning from
the opposite tenement house window is no
greater sinner in this respect than the
fine lady who discusses with a compan-
ion, at the entrance of a theater or a
church, topics which are of interest only
to herself and her friend, but which
everyone near is obliged to hear. 1t is
sons about them; it is that they do not
care.
It is the custom in some iturgical
churches for the congregation to remain
in silent prayer for moment after the
benediction. From the point Of view of
decorum and good breeding, there is
something to be said for the practice; but
surely there can be no legitimate defense
urged for the custom which prevails in
non-liturgical churches of using the mo-
ment of benediction as a season of prep
aration for leaving. Persons who take
this time for putting on their oyershoes,
getting into their coats, or cropping for
their hats and canes are distinctly i'll
bred, whether they are members of mis-
sion churches or worship beneath gor-
geous roofs Of plaster painted like an
Indian SquaW.'
People who occupy the middle seats in
fhQ9f0r
afford the best example possible of their
good manners when they oblige their
neighbOrS to rise in order to let them
pass backward and forward between the
acts of the play. And persons who,
in order to ''avoid the crowd" leave the
theater or concert room few moments
before the conclusion Of the performance,
and by the confusion attending their de-
parture spoil the effect of the last scene
of the play or the closing number Of the
concert, are quite as fragrant offenders
against the code of good manners.
1t is a common complaint of uShers at
church weddings that it is very difficult
to reserve for the invited guests the
seats which have been set aside for them.
"A mob of wel-dressed women, intent
upon securing good seats, press past the
ushers in very many cases, establish
themselves comfortably in the reserved
seats. and will not be ousted therefrom.
Everywhere one meets with self-asser-
ton. Sometimes it is aggressive and
conscious; sometimes it is passive and
unconscious; but always and ever it is
based upon the principle that the comfort
of the many must be sacrificed to that
of tie individual. We stand and talk
with a friend in the middle Of crowded
pavement, and it matters very little if
we thereby obstruct the stream of travel;
we make our sidewalks and the floors
of our public halls filthy with tobacco
juice; we smoke in the street, and al
most everywhere else, in the presence of
nonsmokers; we flourish our toot!lpicks
in public; we commit not only these,
but ten thousand other sins against good
manners; and then we are surprised
if anyone calls US an ill-bred people.
Perhaps we are not ill-bred when COM
pared with certain other people; but we
have no business to so compare our
selves The only standard by which to
measure ourselves is that established by
the practice of the thoughtful, unselfish
minority-a practice which consists in
doing nothing to promote individual COM