The Irish standard., 1896-03-21
|S0MELEhP YEAR SCHEMES
Girls Are Not Entirely Hopeless
With Prudent
Mamma. IN u. .9
If the Young Men Will Not Come.
To Time Something Must
Be Done.
A Girl Who Could Make Small
Amount OF Money Go a
II.
Long Way.

Long way.
/ Although this is the third month OF
leap year, there has beer no marked IN
crease in the issue of marriage licenses.
1t was generally believed that there
would be grand rush to get we'd on the
part OF young women with slow sweet
hearts, but all the reports agree thatno
withstanding the extension OF their priv
ileges, no more fish are being landed than
during ordinary years. Charlie Shocks,
one of the perfu1ned darlings, Of Wash
ington boulevard, has his own views on
this state OF affairs, and was not slow i'll
uttering them at q recent special session
of the Young Bachelors Select Poker
Club the other evening. Said Charles:
"The present situation is one OF the log
ical results OF the new woman movement.
When girls and woMen--and even VIC
ows, who ought to know better begin
to usurp any Of the prerogatives Of the
lords of creation there is bound to be Il
revolt sooner or later Men are natural
|iy kickers, you know, and it does not
take much provocation to SET this propen~
sity in operation Well. the sexes have
been drifting wider apart for the last
three years, during which the new women
have been more assertive than ever, ana
one of the consequences is that the coun-
ty clerk does not collect near as much
in the way Of fees for marriage licenses
as he ought. in view of the vast and ever
increasing population OF Chicago. Wo-
men, whether new or old. have not been
able to suppress thir leanings toward
matrimony, and the irritating fact that
the men are shyer than al any other pc
riod of the worlds existence, led 70 sew
eral warm and exciting debates IN the
women's clubs of the West Side last De-
cember The question always under re-
view was: How can we trap the mel in
to marriage without surrendering any ol
our new-found rights and privilegeso
1T was soon discovered that The old
artifices had lost their potency, but while
casting about for means to recover their
ascendency over the sterner sex, the glad
fact dawned upon the fair debarers that
this year was leap year, and that Old
Fashioned custom would stand thenl 3ul 2
good stead at this critical period OF wo-
mans history. But, as have already III
timated, the boys are not succumbing TO
leap year Establishments. While the Wo-
men have been getting wiser they have
been getting slyer, and 1T takes mighty
cute young woman to hook o. fish, even
with the extra aids Of leap year tricks.
will give you a case in point.
You all know James Slyboots, the
popular cashier of the Magnum Bonum
Smelling Works James has been pay
ing some attention to pretty Nellie Dor
chester, whose yellow hair used to cause
such a sensation at the church sociables
last winter. He may or may not have
had serious intentions, but Nellie took up
with the new woman fad, and used to try
to boss and overawe him with her supe-
.rior knowledge of things she did not un-
.derstand. Therefore, while James did
not like to break off entirely, ne avoided
the snarea and pitfalls that are set for
an eligible young bachelor, and never
compromised himself in the least. This
attitude of James naturally worried Mel
lie, who, despite her airs and pretensions,
has soft, womanly heart and she cor
fessed her dilemma to her mother. This
astute matron~ asked her daughter it she
had tried all the well-known leap year
tricks, and Nellie said she had done ev~
erything in her power to bring James TO
her feet.
81 have gone so far she said, as to tell
him that ann a very careful houseKeeper,
and that I had the knack of making S3 40
the work Of 81, but all the brute did was to
edge bis chair away from NE, and remark
that this winter was much chilller than
last. Mamma, my heart is breaking.
'"'Dom't give way, darling, was the ma
ternal response. IF the usual schemes
fail we must try strategy. Can you spare
me one of YOUR long, shining, yellow hairs,
aear?'
= 'Nellie plucked one OF the s1imrneriag
strands from her golden head and gave il (
to her mother. Toher look of inquiry che
elder woman said:
s"'When James comes tonight, dear.
lead him into the conservatory in good (
season. I will take means to drop this
hair on his left shoulder, which you know
is nearest his heart. When yon emerge
from the seclu:s. on of the shrubbecy shall
be waiting, my darling. shall discover
that long, shining hair. My tears vii! be
ready to flow. 1 will fall upon your neck
and kiss you, and cry to James: Oh, Nj.
Slyboots, DID not expect to lose her SO 1!
soon, but you have wen her heart, and ! 7
hope you will make her happy That
ought to fetch him, darling
g 'Oh. you dear, delightful mamma" sex-
claimed Nellie, as she kissed her motier
rapturousIy; it is a.perfect plot and m'ists
succeed 's ~.
the stages Of the drama went smoothly
Nellie and he retired TO the ccnservat0i.y;s;,sisS
the tell-tale yellow hair was left on bis 5S
left shoulder when they came out togeti--Ss
er; a bright blush mantled the cheeks " a
the girl; the anxious mother stood ready
FOR her cue.
~ ..Oh, Mr.. 'slybootsH She cried, as her II
eager fiagers upheld the yellow, golden
strand. tOh, Nellie! !'ssss. {a,
he fond mother was throwing herself
into her daughters arms as by previous HI Ri
arrangement, when the truth Of the sitlla--i VI
lion flashed upon james One&of I lloses8a2 a
sparks OF inspiration which usually orae Ssss
% the old man too lateSto act upon sparr rsl
him to a brilliant count ter-rnove Before
Mrs Dorchester could say another word III
ie had taken possession Of the vel S
ind was saying ina tone that carr led sEpEli
fiction with ut 81
Confound that vel How -1airS oiise
Maid. IYestold to bescarefuI III
Ing aH,av my clothes. it locks
lctls like Nd.es Dorchester dOesn H
.stBut both mot ther Ind ydal8 ns'sss
eosd linn bfouIld ded " IsIs
sst III stspe