Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1896-07-16

AAi~e>5-
The presidential candidate
Doth now seem small beside
The pitcher for the baseball nine.
Who is the city's pride.
Baltimore News.
When 1t begins to get real sumnsr,
hot, can't We manage to have the weath.
err man arrested for sc0rching?-phfl
adelphia North American.
Briggs-Does your wife laugh when
you tell her a funny story? Bragc+
oh, yes. l always tell her b~eforehand
that it is funny.-Indianapolis Journal.
She-Do you know anything worse
than a man taking a kiss without asking
for, it? He-I do. What, for In.
~stance?" asking for 1t without taking
It,"
Mrs. Winks-I don't see how you
.ould afford to pay 500 for a wheel
Mr.. Winks-I couldn't. That's why
have got to pay sos for it.-Someryille
Journal.
Tommy-raw. what is a designing
villain? Mr.. Figg-Oh. the description
would apply to n Of these poster ar.
lists about al well as anything In.
%dianapolis Journal.
Sweet is the summer breeze that goes
To gladden. toiiing NAH
Especially the one that flows
From an electric fan.
Washington Star.
She-I would not marry you IL
were to live to be a hundred years old.
He-Well, l should say you wouldn't
If I had anything to say In the matter.
indianapolis Journal.
"L.ook here, Bawl Earrings, I've q
proposition to make" What is It.
Noopops?" you stop talking about
your bicycle and I'll not say another
word about my smart baby."-Truth.
Justice-You are charged with steal.
ing Colonel Julep's chickens. Have
you any witnesses? Uncle Moses-I
heb not. I don't steal chickens befo'
witnesses.-Amusing Journal.
Young Husband-Are you in favor Of
free silver or the gold standard, my
love? Young wife-Oh, I don't care,
my dear, so long as you have plenty Of
it.-Philadelphia North American.
"Say. Dobbs. all your family are
away; what do you keep your alarm
clock going forY Il want to wake up
every hour and realize that l don't have
to walk the baby."-Chicago Record.
"We cannot find a place to go this
summer" Whats the trouble?" I'VE
want a summer resort from which we
won't have to write home that we sleep
under blankets."-Chicago Record.
Mamma, were those stories Uncle
George was telling us about the big
fishes he caught fairy stories" Il don't
know. my child; l wasn't listening, but
I imagine they were."-Brooklyn Life.
Edith and Mabel had just put their
dollies in their little crib. Said Edith.
with a sigh Of relief, There, I'm thank
full we've got the children to bed. We
shall have a little peace now."-Boston
Transcript.
Wheeler-I see by the papers that q
Chicago bicycler was held up by two
men. Sprocket feeling II the court
plaster was in place on his facet wish
to gracious it had been me!-Yonkers
Statesman.
Rugby-Our landlady is one of the
most expert calculators in town. viii.
kins-Is she? Rugby-Yep. We had
beans for dinner to-day, and she asked
how many l would have.-Cleveland
Plaindealer.
George-How do you like it. Cora?
Cora-It's perfectly lovely. But what
do they have all these policemen at the
game for? Oh, I know: 1t Is to keep
the men from stealing bases.-Somer-
vile Journal.
1T is the intention to collect about
$1,000 for Pittsburg's Fourth of July
celebration this year." remarked the
Horse Editor. "Ah," replied the Snake
Editor, Money to burn"-Pittsburg
Chronicle-T Telegraph.
"How is Jenny See getting along with
her bicycle lessonsY "Oh, nicely" re-
piled the young enthusiast. "She has
only taken six now, and, do you know,
l never saw any one fall OF { wheel
30 gracefully!"-Buffalo Times.
Jllson-Is Jubbs sick or travelingl
Jabson-Neither. What makes you
think 80? Jilson-I've been looking out
Of the window the last ten minutes {
and I haven't seen him playing q boss
on his lawn.-Roxbury Gazette.
Clear Case.-"Do you ride q wheel"
asked the eldest of the doctors on the
Insanity Commission. Yep" answer.
ed the subject. What make2" Il
never noticed" The verdict was unani-
Observation-Disclosures Enquirer.
Reginald-Time brings about some
odd changes, doesn't It? Harold
should say it did. Look at the matter
Of costumes. Why, when we played
tennis, we turned our trousers up at
the bottom, and now that we play golf
we turn Our stockings down from the
top.-Woons0cket Reporter.
4 xxH $3.50 80 ~ So