The Van Buren press., 1896-11-14
RESULTS OF ADVERTISING.
5hrewd People Make Money by Readihg
the Want Columns In Newspapers.

the Want Columns In Newspapers.
Only those who have inserted in the
great daily newspapers advertisements
of ''brths, deaths and marriages" know
what interesting, not to say profitable.
results sometimes follow these an
nouneements. 1t should be explained
that such advertisements are pounced
upon by the prosecuting agencies and
then sent along to various tradespeople
who may be interested in them.
Hence it is that ladies who have duly
announced an interesting event" are
presently almost overwhelmed with
samples of soap, suitable for the most
sensitive skin, powder puffs and boxes,
packets of cornflower, feeding bottles
and innumerable catalogues from baby
linen warehouses. At the same time
the servants registry offices come along
with courteously -worded limitations
that they have on their books nurse of
irreproaehable character, who is also
devotedly attached to children.
In the case of death, of course, nn-
dertalSers send in estimates for the
funeral and florists announce that they
can supply gorgeous wreaths and
crosses for next to nothing. Bulky en-
velopes of sample funeral cards are also
received from an enterprising printer.
But here is very funny story, which
is also perfectly true: Among the
shoals of samples and circulars that
were recently foisted upon gentleman
who had just lost his beloved wife APP
peared confidentially=wor offer
from distiller announcing that he
could supply gallon of the finest
whisky for 10 shillings. No doubt this
unfortunate circular was sent Innocent
ly enough, but it certainly seemed to
offer consolation" of an extremely du-
bious sort.
1t is much the same with the mar
rage announcements; that is to say.
furniture dealers respond with amaz-
ing alaerity, as also do other trades
men who think there is n chance of an
order from the newly welded couple.
Not many weeks ago an amateur art
lover announced that he was DESTROYS
of purchasing for cash any number of
miniatures. The result was a little
startling, chiefly because hundreds of
people thought the advertiser was open
to buy anything and everything that
happened to be small of its kind. For
example, model yachts were brought
around TO the house, and Shetland
ponies were offered by letter at great
bargain.
1t is indeed quite wonderful to see
what funny notions people sometimes
form from advertisements. The pro-
prietress of large boarding house in
a fashionable suburb of London assures
MS that many persons write to her un-
der the impression that paying guests"
are merely dummy boarders who re-
ceive fixed salary for staying in the
place as a decoy to others. To give
them their due, however, these wrong
headed folk also seem to think that
many accomplishments are necessary,
and formidable list of these-such as
playing, singing, conjuring and card
playing-frequently accompanied an
application.
Solicitors often insert advertisements
IN the papers announcing tnat III some
particular person will call upon them
''he will hear of something to his adj
vantage" Now, if the person required
chances to possess n very common name
hundreds of other representatives of
that name also turn up, and it has been
known that these unwelcome visitors,
doubtless animated by the esprit du
corps of common patronymic, have
created unpleasant demonstrations out
side the solicitors ofiice.-London Tit
Bits.