davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

A CLEVER PLEA.-.A gentleman
dying left all his estates to monas.
terry OH condition that, on the return
of his only son, who was then abroad,
the worthy fathers should give him
what ever "they should choose"
When the son came home, he
went to the monastery and re-
ceived but small share, the wise
monks choosing to keep the greater
part for themselves. The young
man consulted his friends, and all
agreed there was no remedy,
At last barrister, to whom he
happeded to mention the case, ad-
vised him to sue the monastery, and
promised to gain his case. The
gentleman followed his advice, and
the suit terminated in his favor
through the management ofthe advo
cate who grounded his plea upon this
reasoning:
"The testator," said the ingenious
barrister, "has left his son that
share of the estate which the monks
should choose These are the ex-
press words Of the will. Now it is
plain what part they have chosen
by what they kept for themselves.
My client, then, stands upon the
words of the will, "Let me have ,
says he, the part they have chosen, ,
and / am satisfied.o
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

SHE is one of those very matter
of-fact girls. "How are you getting
along with your music ?" asked the
young man who was calling on her.
" Well, she replied, "of course it
Wouldn't be proper for me to COM
pliment myself, but some of the
neighers have told me that they have
stayed awake at night for hours lis
tening to my playing" And she
smiled in self.approving way that
was sweet to behold.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

LIFE A MERE BLANK" What
has become Of old Uncle Billy, who
used to be always suffering with the
rheumatism ?" asked the returned
wanderer.
Why" said the old resident, ait
all come about this way. They was
doctor come through the country
and cured the old man-cured him
plumb well.n
"Yes.'
An then, the az he didn't have
nothin' to interest him no more,
after his rheumatism was all gone,
the poor old man pined away and
died
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

A sPoRTING-LOOKING character in
Birmingham, who rather apes the
Johnny" being at the same time
an extraordinary-looking individual,
reminding one Of the gorilla species,
deigned to notice a newspaper boy
who was watching him attentively.
" Awh, Tommy" remarked the
sporting character, "what are you
staring at?" "Can't say, sir; but
Pll go and look you up in my natu-
raj history book.D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

PRINT-SHoP VoLAPUK.-This +
Is to state that the weather in this 3
has been without a \ in severity since
the morning \ *sang together con-
sequently S. are few in this office,
and We hasten - the opportunity
TO ask our subscribers with their +
mission,) to 16- in cash, so we will
not have to stand with a in our D6-
to keep our creditors away from our
personal property.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

A CONVERTED Western real es-
tate agent was called" and went to
preaching. An old-time friend of
his went out to the rival town,
within convenient hating distance,'
to hear him preach. When asked
how he liked the sermon, he said,
" Sermon, nothing; he's at his old
tricks again, booming an addition he
calls Paradise. Says it's going to be
laid out with golden streets, and all
that kind of rot,D
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

HE ADVERTISED.-" Once when
l was publishing paper in Seattle,
l convinced a man i'm a most en-
phatic way that it paid to ADVERTISE"
said an old journalist. "He was a
fairly prosperous merchant, and 1
had tried for long time to get him
to insert an advertisement in my
paper.
'Oh, it's no use,' he would say.
never read the advertisements in
a paper, an no one else does. I be.
lieve in advertising, but In way
that will force itself upon the public.
Then it pays. But in newspaper
-pshaw! Everybody who reads a
newspaper lodges the advertising
pages as if they were poison
WELL said 1, if / can convince
you that people do read the adver-
tising pages of my paper, will you
advertiser
'Of course, I will. I advertise
wherever 1 think it will do any
good.'
The next day 1 ran the following
line in the lightest face agate in the
Office, and stuck it In the most OBJ.
scure corner of the paper, between q
couple Of patent medicine ads:
What is Cohen going to do about
itP
The next day so many people an
noyed him by asking what that line
meant that he begged me to explain
the matter in my next issue. prom
ised to do 1t If he would let me write
the explanation, and stand to it. He
agreed, and wrote: He Is going
to advertise, of course And he
did.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09
NUMBER r.

THE late Eugene Field once played
a practical joke on two carloads of
Kansas City merchants, who were
going on an excursion. Each car
was to go by different route, and
the cars separated at an early hour
in the morning when everybody was
asleep, except Field, who was along
to write up the trip. Just before
the cars parted company, he carried
all the shoes from one car to the
other, and carefully exchanged them.
The next morning there was blue
streak two ways across Kansas.
Every man in both sleepers was
miles and miles away from his own
shoes.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09
He Carried q Grip.

a correspondent of the Nebraska
iStdte-JOur7lai tells Of an unique ex-
perience at a hotel where he stopped
once for dinner.
"There sat next to me a promi-
nent member of the local Populist
community, one Of those whose
capacious maw has extensions at
tached running down into his legs.
For the first ten minutes tried to
keep up with my fellow diner, but
was dlstanced in no time. / gave
up the race and sat down to watch
my rival gorge himself, and he did
1T to perfection. Everything went,
from soup to pie, and some of them
went several times. Finally his va
cuum was filed, and the farmer
passed out to the desk where he
planked down a quarter.
THANK you,' said the fresh country
lass who was officiating as banker.
l came next and put up the same
ante as my farmer companion had.
Half dollar said the maiden,
az she shook her head at the coin |
had rendered.
what for? The farmer sat right
by me, ate three times as much as /
did, and only paid quarter. Why
do pay half a dollar?'
The query was evidently too many
for the girl, for she turned to the
WashrOom and bawled out:
Paw, this man wants to know
why you charge him half dollar,
and only charge farmers a quarter
Paw emerged from the lavatory,
evidently bent upon having a row !;
but the limpidness oftmy Carter's,j jet
black when ou write ink eyes
melted his anger, and he approached
me very gently.
You had grip, didn't you?'
Yes, did but carried it from
the depot myself
THAT don't make no difference {;
can't no man with grip eat at my
house for less than half a dollar.'"
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

THAT boy" said the schoolmas-
ter, /" makes more trouble than all
the others put together" "Always
in some sort of mischief Is he ?''-
" Always. And that isn't the worst
of it. either. He is always getting
the other boys into trouble, too
You'll readily understand what kind
of boy he is when tell you that 1
call him the walking delegate.n
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

MAMMA, do you like stories ?"
" l like true ones, my child" "Shall
i tell you a true one." Eyes"
" But you might not like it," "Oh,
yes, I should If you told it," "But
1t is quite short. Well, once upon
time there was a water bottle-n
" Yes; go on" "And yesterday I
broke it; but I'll never, ooh ooh
do it again.O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

VIsIToR-I notice everybody calls
your son major. He seems rather
young to have risen to that rank, hut
suppose
Mr. Brown (of Georgia)-It's his
Christian name, subj. gave him
that name so he conldn't be handi-
capped all his life by lack of a title,
as have been, sub.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09
Notice..

HAVE returned home to remain
this fall and winter. Ihaye located
IN DIR. s. II. Austin's office, OF Main
street, to work at my trade. Work
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction.
Also still continue my oculist business.
WIN call on any parties who desire
GLASSES, II they will let me know.
have also added to my line of busi-
ness repairing of all kinds of Sewing
Machines. Also all kinds Of material
Tor them on hand. All work guaran-
iced. Bring on your machines.
Very respectfully,
j. A. LOWE,
Oct. 24-tf. Jeweler & Optician.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

"No," said the clearinghouse
woman to the intended patrons
questions, Z" no, no malaria." "Chills
and fever?" Never heard of q
case" "Spinal meningitis ?"
" Well, there was a lady here last
summer who said her little girl was
poisoned by it, but we always cut 1t
down when we find 1t growing about
the DlapaO
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

A COUNTRY school teacher with a
vein of humor and much experience
says this is the way to parse the word
kiss" Kiss Is a noun, though
generally used as a conjunction. It
is never declined. It is more COM
mon than proper. 1t is not very
singular, and is generally used in the
plural number, and it agrees with
{ ma1O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

SHE--I wish you would make
Tommie sit up straight on his bicy-
Gle. He'll have a curvature of the
spine. He-Oh, that's all right
He's getting In good shape for SHOW
cling snow.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

THERE appears to exist greater
desire to live long than to live we'll.
Measure by mans desires, he cannot
live long enough; measure by his
good deeds, and he has not lived long
enough measure by his evil deeds,
and he has lived too long.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

LAST summer baby was very busy
supervising everything that went on
at the farm. After while she
pushed away her chair at supper one
afternoon, declaring that she didn't
want any more milk. "Why not,
dear ?' asked mamma, gently.
=" Because" said baby, with an air
Of superiority, "I know all about it
now. Milk is nothing but chewed
prasS >,
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09
His Self-Denial

The honeymoon was over, and
they had settled down to show them
selves stald and steady old married
people.
Harry" she said. knitting her
pretty brows as if greatly perplexed,
" I've been trying to arrange things
little systematically to-day"
"Quite right" he replied. It's
time we were settled and had every
thing arranged properly"
" Yes, but, Harry, the fact is l.
~
You what? Nothing has gone
wrong, has 1t ?" he asked, anXiously.
"Oh, no, but every one was so
kind to us that find it little hard
TOTO 1t wouldn't be proper to
sell any Of the presents, would 1t ?"
Certainly not"
That's what / feared" she said,
with sigh. "You see, don't
know just what to do with them
all.n
"Do with them !" he exclaimed,
with masculine readiness to settle
any problem. Why, use them, of
course"
But how, Harry? How? she
asked. I'VE have eight clocks, and
only seven-room fiat"
He gave low whistle.
"Then we have five dozen silver
spoons and four cake baskets"
He began to look perplexed him.
self.
There are twelve butter knives
and six fruit dishes," she added.
He swore softly to himself, and
made no suggestion.
I" We have three sets Of fruit knives
and
Enough" he exclaimed. "Do
what you please with them"
But, Harry, l want you to"
"They're yours" he interrupted.
"They were all given to you and not
to me, weren't they? 1t wouldn't be
fair for me to assume any right to
them when they were expressly
given to you"
And thus she first learned of mans
ability to dodge a difficult problem.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

1 UNDERSTAND that you have rel
les ofthe war for sale, my little man."
said the Northen tourist to the tow
head. "We did have" replied the
boy, "but they done bought us out,
and the swords daddy buried last
week won't get rusted fore sum-
mer.O
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.

WI E are now prepared to do TIN
w WORK IF all kinds. Nothing
but first-class meterial used. Satisfac-
tion guaranteed. Give us trial and
be convinced that we mean what we
say. ROOFING and SPOUTING a
speciality. Shop in the rear Of Law &
Handley's. g# ..
MCCLEARY & DARNELL,
Aug. 25-ly. Lewisburg, w. Va.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

A BOY in Sunday-school, when
asked the question, What Is the
chief end of man ?" said, "The
chief end Is the end with the head
IN ~
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

SOME foolish young people don't
know the difference between broken
heart and a disordered liver.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

If Japanese farmer has as much
as ten acres of land, he is looked
upon as q mOnopolist.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

1T ISN'T mans character that
makes woman love him. 1g
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

TAKE care of the dollars, and the
world will take care of you.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

A GREEN old age Is all right. It's
the green young age that's danger
Gus.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09
HANDLEY & HEN
CIVIL ENGINEERS AND SURVEYORS,
LEwISBURG, WEST VA.

TH f above named, having opened an
l. office over the Shoe. store of Messrs.
roster u Grow, solicit share of the
business In their line. All work en-
trusted to them will be promptly at
tended to and correctly executed.
June 25-tf.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09
ii. A. HENDERSON,

i'm field and office
for 81 years with the
Gauley Coal Land
AssOc'n of Green
brIer, Nicholas and
Fayette counties.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

A NEWSPAPER Is the diary of his
tory.
Greenbrier independent. [volume] (Lewisburg, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1980, 1896-07-09

D. o. HANDLEY,
for last 6 years
with Plant In
Vestment Co.
Florida, as locat-
Ing and Resident
Engineer.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30

Republican County Committee.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
A Cyclone at Clear Lake.

Wednesday afternoon about
four o clock a terrible storm and
cyclone swept the country just
ncrth of Clear Lake, leveling
barns, houses and timber In its
path. One man was seriously
hurt but it is thought he will re-
cover. One large dwelling house
one mile north of the village was
picked up bodily into the air, car
ried some eight or ten rods and
dashed to the ground with such
violence as to crush all the con-
tents. furniture including the
stoves, sewing machine and dishes.
Several houses and barns were
literally crushed to the ground.
John Hale, a former student of
this place, had large hay barn
demolished. Many miraculous
escapes OF the people In the path
of the storm are reported. One
popularity of the cyclone is that
during it's progress not drop of
rain fell and people in the vicinity
could see trees, birds and debris
being hurled in every conceivable
MaV
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
Republican County Convention.

The Republicans of Pierce county
will meet in convention by their
delegates on Monday, July 81,
1896, at one o'clock P. NJ, at the
Court House in the village of
Ellsworth, to elect nine 60 dele
g ties to the State Convention to
be held at Milwaukee, Aug st 5,
1896, for the purpose of nomin
ating State Ticket, and thirteen
(13) delegates to the 10th Con-
gressional Convention yet to be
called.
The several cities, villages and
towns are entitled to representa-
tion in the convention as follows :
Clifton 2, Diamond Bluff 2,
Village Ellsworth 4, Town Ellis
worth 4, Ell Paso 2, Gilman 4.
Hartland 3, Isabelle 1, Martell 5,
Village Maiden Rock 1, Town
Maiden Rock 4, Oak Grove 2. City
Prescott 2, City River Falls Z,
Town River Falls 4, Rock Elm 5.
Spring Lake 5, Salem 2, Trenton 4.
Trimbele 5, Union 3. Total II.
Dated Ellsworth, June %, 1896.
E. S. DooLITTLE'
A. e. BUETTNER,
w. T. CHURCHILL,
A. Fl. LORD,
Ct. G.. Price.
Republican County Committee.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
DANGER MARKS.
From Good Roads.

state system, abolishing the old one
by counties and providing for the build
ing and repair Of good roads by a state
tax. The following resolutions, among
others, were passed:
Resolved, That it is the sense of this conven-
ton that the question of the improvement of
country roads is of the most important
state questions now awaiting solution and de-
serves the careful and serious consideration OF
all and especially those officers who have to
do with the construction Of roads and with the
passage of laws looking to better roads.
That we recommend that all country roads
be divided into three classes according to their
Importance That the first class, to be known
as state roads, be under the general supervl-
sion of state board, so far as to determine
their character, location, etc. The second class
to be under the exclusive control of the coun-
try boards, who shall also have the immediate
supervision of building and repairing state
roads. That the third class be under the SUI
pervision of local boards, such as township or
small district boards
That section S, article 8. of the state consti-
tuition, should be amended SO that state fund
may be established for the improvement Of our
public wagon roads, which fund shall be dis
tributed to the several counties of the state IN
proportion to the amount they shall expend
upon state roads and which shall be built as
designated by the state authorities and accept
ed by them.
That if necessary to increase such state road
fund, that general tax upon all the taxable
property of the state be levied and applied to
such fund
That we approve of law taxing gifts in
contemplation of death and inheritances, and
resolve that the officers of this organization
are requested to advocate the passage Of an act
to that effect by the next Legislative assembly,
and to urge upon the next legislature the pro-
priety and the business of devoting the pro-
ceeds of such a tax to the construction and
maintenance of good roads.
That this state should cooperate with the
general government in providing ways and
means for Investigations as to qualities and To-
cation Of materials useful for road building
and the best Ectat Is fcT the building and SUI
perintending CT such wagon roads.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
That Smile Was His Last.

AS they lead the condemned man
from his cell they saw that he was
smiling. Even while they were
binding him in the electric chair
the smile fingered on his lips. The
curiosity of the war len was arous-
ed. He paused with his thumb
gently touching the fatal button
and asked the cause of the IN
seemly mirth.
Ell was just tbinkin;" chuckled
the malefactcr, chow I'm foolin
my old school teacher. He always
said was born to be hanged
Then the wardens thumb came
down.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30

Tt did not seem possible two
months ago that the Chicago
convention could attract the at
tention it is now receiving. 1t
wi.lreally decide whether the Presi-
dental campaign shall be squarely
fought between a gold ticket and
silver ticket, or whether there
shall be a triangular fight, with
all the advan tages on the side of
the gold ticket. It doesn't seem
to make the slightest difference to
those who are fighting to prevent
the convention adopting free
silver platform and nominating a
silver ticket that nearly two-thirds
of the delegates to the convention
have already declared themselves
to silver men. This isn't COM
plin.entary to anybody concerned,
but il is strictly true.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
HOPEFUL SIGNS FOR ROADS.
Encouraging Features of the Movement
For Improved Highways.

Encouraging Features of the Movement
For Improved Highways.
There is one especially encouraging
feature of the good roads movement 1t
is the activity in that direction III re-
gions remote from centers of population.
A convention Of delegates representing
the great state Of Texas is to be held in
Galveston beginning on May %. In
Arkansas a state convention was held at
Little Rock in February, in which
resolution was adopted recommending a
constitutional amendment empowering
county authorities to levy special tax
for carrying On work Of general high
way improvement. Similar steps have
been taken in several other states of the
south and west.
Another encouraging feature of the
movement is a general disposition to
profit by the experience of other coun-
tries, notably of France, which has per-
haps the finest wagon roads of any coun-
try. Good roads are more easily made
and kept in order there than III most
countries, because of the scarcity CT for
est areas, which conserve moisture and
render somewhat more difficult the keep
ing of highways in repair But it is pos
sible and well worth the while to have
good roads and still preserve the desired
areas of natural forest. The time is not
distant when the neglect Of either OF
these important interests will be mat
ter of general public regret and will be
viewed as public misfortune. Youths
Companion.
The good road town catches the farm
er's trade.
Good roads are the most economical
Of all luxuries.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
Notice to Builders
everyone

The Board Of Trustees of the
NJ. b. Church of this City of River
Falls, will receive proposals for
the erection Of a new church edi-
fee at said city until Thursday
evening, July 10Th. 1896, at seven
O'Clock.
Bids Will be received for the
building complete, the contractor
to furnish all material and labor.
Or bids will be received for
excavating, putting in foundation
and for superstrncture separately
Bidders not known to the Board
will furnish satisfactory reference.
Plans and specifications can e
seen at the office of Allen P. Weld,
ESQ.,, at River Falls.
The right to reject any or all
bids is reserved.
Proposals to he enclosed in a
s, aled envelope marked proposals
for Church edifice and to be deliver
ed to the undersigned on or before
said date.
GEORGE w. CHINOOK
Drocidont Roard Of TrnStaoS
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
Died.

CLARK. At her home in this city,
June %, 1896, Mrs. L. H. Clark
of apoplexy
The deceased was born in East
Troy, Wis, Feb. %, 1854. She
was a graduate from the White
water Normal school. She was
married in 1 $50, having met Mr..
Clark at the Normal. About five
years ago she experienced a similar
attack while IN Florida. She leaves
husband and two children. She
was kind and sincere and loved by
everyone.
The River Falls times. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1894-1933, 1896-06-30
Fourth OF July Excursions.

To points within 200 miles of
River Falls, excursion tickets will
be sold at one and one third fares
for the round trip. tickets on sale
July Sd and 4th, good for return
to and including July 6, 1896.
F. P. Ainsworth,
Agent.