Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1896-08-08
THE THOMPSON BICYCLE CLUE.

$500
When the regular Saturday night
meeting OF the Thompson Street Color
ed Bicycle and Poker Club had been
called 70 order and the minutes Of the
previous evening disposed of, president
Toots arose and said:
Sur de benefit Of sartain members DE-
dis club desiah TO make sum friendly
criticisms, an hope no one will take Of
fens. De last time we parade on de
streetI noticed dat de Hon Julius Tom
kins was bent Ober de handles of his
bike til his back resembled an arch. h
should like 10 ak de gem'lan his objiek
in goin' frew dat performance"
The Hon. Tompkins, who was bus
reading "Virgil," closed the book, and
replied that he was actuated by the laws
of health. When he rode bike on the
street he Perspired, and the object III
bending over was to keep all the perspir-
ration on the back of his neck, instead
of letting 1t run away down his spinal
column. This kept him with a Timber
neck, and he could turn his head III
seven directions at once He knew OF
men who bumped over the handles an.
der the idea that they would thus get
there before the front wheel did and
others did 1t to show off sheir shapes.
but he was no such man. If the presi
dent of the club wanted him to abandon
that hump he worald do so, but II t. era
were no objections he would continue
as he had begun.
81 has also noticed dat when Gineral
Socrates White am out wild us his face
takes on 'spreshun dat bring public
CRITICISM" continued the president. IN
he had his nose ober tar bar'l an ex-
Pected to be bit on de heel by snake at
de same time he couldn't git his face
twisted up no wuss. Sometimes think
it's look of joy, kase he's found dol 4
lar in de street, but mint later I'm
suah he's lost all his family by smallpox
and has got case of billyus collie his
self. If de gem'lan will riz up anil
'splain what ails his face on SIGH occa-d
shuns shall feel much obleeged."
General White said in reply that
there were about seven different kinds;d
of the "bicycle face" as is called. He,
was sure he had one of them, and 1t
was all the fault of his nose That nose
of his would go whole year without
itching as long as he kept walking
around, but five minutes after getting on
bike he was a gone coon. That is, he /
was a coon whose nose began to itch \
and ache and demand attention. Some. |
riders could even scratch their backs \
without taking tumble, but let him
raise hand to his nose and away he. \
went. His only safeguard was to fix his
thoughts on something else and keep
tight hold Of the handles. Between the.
nose, his thoughts and looking out for
distractions his face worked up into a l
circus and menagerie combined and he 4
was aware that small boys cried out in
banter and adults stopped dead sill for
a second look, He was now trying the
experiment of sandpapering his nose
just before leaving the hall and then
applying coat of mutton tallow, and it. ]
the horseAies would only leave him
alone for few minutes he was in hopes
that his countenance would wear a
placid smile as he worked away at the.
pedals. If nothing else worked he
would either wear a mask or learn to
ride backwards.
"An' while on dis subjick," resumde
the president, ~ should like to ak Brud-
der Whyfo' Jackson bout dat singular
pose he assumes wheneber he mounts
his bike Let him walk along the
street an he am so timber an SO grace
full, an has got SIGH a glide on him dat
folks stop and pint him out as dancins
master. Jist de mint he gifts up on a
bike, howeber, de scene changes. His
right shoulder humps up, an his left
shoulder lops down. His backbone am
at least TO inches outer plumb, an one
heel turns in an de odder out De gin
eral idea of folks who observe him is
dat he is jist fell out'a tree an landed on
his bike"
Bro. Whyfore replied that he could
explain. While on the earth he felt
secure against everything but lightning
The instant he found himself elevated
he began to look out for cyclones, tor
nados, runaway horses, cEondbnrsts and
fire engines, His position could doubt
less be termed the "bicycle scare" He
was trying to improve on II by stopping
his ears with cotton and biting on a ten
penny nail, and in time he hoped to be
the Adonis of the club. The heel
which turned out had once been caught
in a threshing machine aud heightened
by four inches, but he would try to am
putate the elongation.-M. Quad in St
Louis Republic.
Thought. Weighing Machine.
prot Mocca he Uraaf TfaIfor,