The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1896-11-19


practical Joke"
Tho Nisltor-I really had hoped to-
day 10 lind you not at home otherwise
| should never have been so foolish ms
TO call. ] thought you always went 90
the Saturday Pops What could have
Induced you 20 remain indoors? But
It's Just like my luck.
The Nlsited-G have q slight cold. so
sent my stall TO Lady lIauterive. am
perfectly aware that you are dying to
know her, but can't, and that Is why
mention her name.
The Visltor-liow provokingl And
hene, 1 suppose, | must stick for the
next quarter OF an hour.
The Ntsited-1lad | anticipated the
inilctIon OF u visit from you | should
have made q point OF going out.
The rlsitor-I never come into your
drawing-room without being impressed
by Il sense OF your pltiable ignorance
and want Of taste. You have contrlved
10 crowd together "A this room such
a quantity OK plcotile OF every descrIp-
tion that always fancy I'm sitting
In the midst OF rumlgc sale. You
haven't got one really good piece OF
china In your whole collection. Your
antique furniture Is all modern and the
only lot thai looks genuinely old is
yourself.
The EIstted-I know that you con-
slider yourself an authority on bric-a-
hr1c, and you have certainly converted
your house Into verl.able museum OF
curiositles. That, OF course. Is easy
enough when you can aftRrd 10 bid for
your things at Christie's. l can't. My
husband Is not rich Spectator. like
youra-only poor clerk In the foreign
office, so ! am Obliged to pick up my
odds and ends cheap, and / dare say
am very often taken In. After all,
don't sce how It benefits you 20 possess
all the artistic treasures you do, when
you can't get the riglA people 10 come
and admire them.
The Nisitor-YOu always try to make
me feel uncomfortable with your SOL
distant airs OF social superiority, but
! must sit 1t out, suppose, now I'm in
for Il.
The Vis!ted-Why you ever come 10
see me l cannot imagine. considering
that so seldom 81 near you.
The Nls!tor-I am thinking OF writing
and asking you 10 dinner. You would
be sure 20 make yourself disaSrcrable.
but should get sort OF reflected
fashion from your presence and your
name sounds well. ! suppose you
wouldn't come: you have refused me six
times running.
The VIsited-And shall do so again.
dlned with you once-that was quite
sufficient l don't mind coming to your
concerts. for there l can hear che best
singers for nothing and am not obliged
10 speak 10 anyone.
The Vis!tor-But I've lately moved in
10 one OF the largest houses In one OF
the best squares: I've powdered my
foo;mcn. and my chef Is first rute.
The V!sited-WhIch is more than
your friends are. positively decline
to meet them. What's the good OF n
chef to you? Nobody worth knowing
ever dimes with you; your sauces. con-
slider. are absolutely thrown away. It's
not your fault. must admit You have
tried to cook yourself Into society and
sIgnally failed. You're not quite rich
enough-lt wants thousands n year to
do Il nowadays.
The TisItor-Your !npcrtlnence Is
really impayabIe q speak French per-
fcctiy. while you hardly know one
word: that Is why interlard my con-
versation with It In order to prove my
educational advantages over yours.
How truly unfortunate ] was 10 find
you az home! l merely wanted 20 poke
In card in order tGl show my new
ccachmaH-who lived with the Pa
Roniln m!nIster-that my visiting list
is noe exclusively confined 20 stock
brokers and artists.
The Nlsi;ed-Shall give you another
cup OF tea?
The Vis!tor-On no account: ] never
Tasted such nasty wash in my life. II
has made me feel perfectly III. Cheap,
! suppose?
The Nlsited-Nary. but QuHc good
enough for visitors like you. When l am
alone. or with one or two intimate
friends. I drink n much better tea, I
shall have some OF II made directly I
get rid OF you.
The Nisitor-NoT, what on earth nm
10 say TO you next? The only topic
We have in common Is music but musl-
cal people arc proverblally lacking In
general interest and intelligence, and
you are no exception. Therefore, can
not discuss with you science. lIterutare
or urt-all OF which subjects ] have at
my fingers end, for ! Am n very we'll
read and wcll-informed woman. I find
1t helps me on wonderfully. People
again are taboo. for you wont know
my friends and I don't know yours, al
though 7 would willing give you one
OF my diamond stars II you would only
invite me TO some OF your smart parties
and give me u chance OF meeting what
you call the right set, You have
never even shown me 10 your husband,
go can't aak for him.
The FiSlted.I wonder how much
longer you are going to sit here and
bore me TO death? l can perfectly we'll
see that you are at your wits end for
come subject to discourse on, but am
not going to help you by suggesting
anything. ns I have no desire TO