The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1896-09-28
Politics rs Seen
by The Humorisfs


| by The Humorisfs.
THE NEXT PRESIDENT.-The editor
of The Jersey Jamjar, with that superior
! wisdom Of which every rural editor is pos
sessed, stood on the oubstone in front Of
his palatial office, letting the cool air per-
meate the aforesaid wisdom. when the
| local photographer passed by with his
camera, going toward the railroad station
"Ah there!' saluted the editor. whence
goest?"
II co." returned the photographer. ito
| take picture Of the next president of
the United States.''
"Of course it will be a picture of the man
| you want elected" said the editor. who
was opposed politically to the photogra-
pher
mo, sir; it will be picture of the next
president"
The editor was getting rather wrought
up.
| "W!ll you guarantee II? he asked.
! "Tll put up my check for 500 that II will
b the correct picture" responded the pho
| tographer.
|. The editor scratched his dome of thought.
I'm not very flush," he said, but I'll
| give you on that guarantee $500 for cut
| of the picture to print in my paper
| 1t looked like cinch for the editor and
| seven men told the photographer he was
| plumb idiot: but he drew up a contract
| for the editor to sign binding him to pay
500 for the cut, the photographer guaran-
| teeing 1t to he correct. Then he started
ON for the train.
| Get that cut back here in time for Sun
| days paper called the editor.
| Guess not responded the photogra-
pher There's nothing in this contract
| about when ! am to take the picture.
| can't take it until after election, of course.
| under my guarantee, and you ought to
know it,
Then the scrap began, and at last ac-
counts all of that end of New Jersey was
| taking sides.-New York Sun.
o
| a SUGGESTION.-"The sir" said the
| free silver orator, "are arguments that
| you can't get over
81 amt got the time ter try" said Ei,hu
Gcehaw. thoughtfuly. "I've got cider ter
make an cows ter milk an I'm jcs rushed
| ter DEATH
"Well, you might as well make up your
| mind to 1t. The free silver dollar is bound
| to come" the confident promoter went On.
ITS only a question of a year at most,
| till we're working overtime coming 'em at
| all the mints."
That's what I've heard" Mr.. Geehaw
| answered without much enthusiasm. But
I've put in SO much time trying ter see
| now we're goin' ter keep them dollars
from gettin' so common thet folks won't
| want 'em tibet I rely hate ter git drawed
| inter conversation on the subjeck. But sz
| long eZ ye're so dead sure they're comm,
| ! don't reckon they's any use O. me hav-
| in opinions, anyhow. Hev they drawed
| up the patterns yit?'
mo. They, haven't adopted any de-
signs. For my part, | don't see why the
style that We, are used to isn't entirely
| satisfactory
Wal, l dunno"
"What changes would you suggest?'
81 amt got any fault ter find with the
| likeness of the Goddess of Liberty nor
| weth that of the American Eagle But it
does seem ter me it 'ud be a good idee ter
use bigger letters when it comes ter putt
tin on the In God We Trust detroit
Free Press.
| POlITlCO-GEOLOGY - The teacher
| had been asking the class a few questions
| as to the identity of the malachite the
metorite. the tellurite and others in that
| category, and when she seemed to he
| about at the end of her string a boy down
| about the foot of the class stuck his hand
| up into the atmosphere.
What is IT," Injured the pedagogue.
whats bryanite?"
| "a bryanite?" repeated the teacher,
| plunging at once into study of this new
| one. Really never heard of 1t. Where
| is it found?"
"All over,' and the boy grinncd at the
| importance into which he had so immedi-
ately risen, ''but mostly in the west"
''um-er," hesitated the teacher, haze
| you a specimen?'
mo; but l kin git ONE
How long will it take you?"
| "Soon as | kin go out and pick one up;
but I kin tell you SOS you'll know just as
good.''
"Well, what is it? I'm sure I never
heard of bryanite before
The boy got himself ready for prompt
| action In case of any kind OF an emer-
| gency, and led off.
| ut comes in different shapes and sizes"
he said, land is sixteen-sxteenths brass
and one-siXteenth silver.'-New York Sun
| NEW AMERICAN INDUSTRY.-"Wan
| to hire me?' said the man with the heavy
mustache and the straw hat as he abrupt
ly entered the office of the campaign man.
| ager
What for?''
| "rm an enthusiasm incubator. can get
up more cheers and encouraging inter-
| jections at rally than anybody else you
could find by hunting a year."
"Oh, see, you're just plain rooter.''
| "No, | amt any roOter. I'm an artist
Times are hard, but the opportunty's al
| ways there for man that's at the head
| of his profession. I'm ventriloquist out
| of a job. And when a mass meeting hears
-.,, all
and making things lively with my hands
and feet IN the midst of the audience,
they're bound to join in And there amt
| anybody except a mind reader that 'ud ever
have the faintest suspicion of its bein a
fake. washington Star.
| MISTAKE IN THE VICTIM.-"I
| thought, said the colonel, starting back.
in surprise, as he met the major that I
| killed you at primary election six
| months ago.
"Nver more mistaken in your life,' re-
turned the major, las you see for your
self"
| The colonel stood wrapt in thought for
fun minute. Then he said
Gould you enlighton me, major. as to
| the identity of the man ! did kil?"
LET me sec,' mused the major. II had
| near relative who looked like me-
That's it, exclaimed the colonel. 1T
| was the strong family resemblance that
| caused me to make the mistake. ] knew
| it was either you or your brother. HOw's
politics in your neighborhood? d?"-Chicago
| Times Herald.
| ON COMMON GROUND.-The iiercely
| waged combat came suddenly to an end.
| "Have you fellows actually come to IN
| ayr. .ement?" aswed a bystander.