Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-04-16

their boys came along as I sat down.
me a man.
- gave him enc. He crammed it
INTO his mouth at two bites and looked
at me while bit the legs from my first
one.
:" ABE he said, "gimme that 9TH
L wanted it, but 1 gave it to him,
and as it followed the first one | said:
1ou seem to like gingergread?'
Abe" he said, earnestly, II don't
s'pose there's anybody on this earth likes
gingerbread as well as / do and, draw
ing a sigh that brought up crumbs, II
don't s'pose there's anybody gets less of
And the old politician said Mr.. Lincoln
looked as though the subject was ended.
Teacher-''This wicked King Henry
VIII. then had his unfortunate Queens
head cut Off" Johnny-''l guess l know
why he cut her head off, teacher
"Why, Jonnie?'' "'Cause she wore a
high hat!'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Among group of stories about eating
published in the Philadelphia Times this
one by Burr Macintosh is not half bad:
In the days before he was an actor man
he was in the far West with a lot Of
swell New Workers, who We're inspecting
a mine. The richest men of the locality
gave them what they believed to be a
grand blowout-the best the place could
provide-and one of them incautiously
remarked to one of the metropolitan Wis
much in the East?" Scornfully replied
the New Yorker: ''Of course you've
done the best you could, but the cost of
this feed wouldn't be enough to give a
Delmonico waiter a tip" 1t was a cruel
remark, and it sunk deep into the soul
of that little Western society. Later
business summoned the man to whom
the words had been spoken and one of
his companions to the vortex of Eastern
civilization, and they determined to go
to Delmonico's and paralyZe that hostel
ry with their wealth. To them money
meant nothing. They seated themselves
in the famous place; prepared to para :r
approached and handed them the bill of
fare. One of them picked it up with a
carelss air, as though he had been fire.
Quenting Delmonico's every day i'll his
life, and, casting his eye casually over
it, suddenly started and exclaimed:
Great heavens, Bill, she's all in
Bill, coolly. ''Do the best you cam Par
alyze them" He did. Summoning the
waiter with lordly air. he said: 'See
here. mister. bring me $40 worth of ham
and eggs" The verdict at the coroner
jury upon the waiter is not recorded.
The cause of his death was never ascer-
tanned. He simply fell dead.
Phil A. Del-''And was your friend S
death uneXpected?
Arizona Pete-'No, indeed. He had
been horse thief. for years" New York
Herald.
Some time ago a travelling circus Wis
tied the town of Ayr, and, in connection
with a prize conundrum scheme of the
proprietor. local spirit merchant with
view of advertising special blend
of his whisky, offered a prize for the
SOS whisky resembled the bridge across
the water of Ayr!'
A small committee, selected from the
audience, were to decide as to the best
answer. The prize was won by a poor
boy, who replied as follows:
because it leads across to the poor
house, from there to the iunatic asylum,
and then on to the cemetery"
The publican had to pay over the cash.
much to his chagrin, he no doubt ex-
pecting some answer to win which re-
ferred to it's age and strength, for which
the Aud Brig O Ayr is famed.-London
Answers.
Tramp tat dentists door)-'Please, SIR
could yer fill me teeth this morning?"
Dentist-'With silver or gold?'
Tramp-"C roast turkey would do.
To Date.
Accident insurance companies are con-
templating putting an extra charge for
policies on those who are bicycle riders,
IL forr oh ~
apparent, in view of the statistics on
this point gathered by the Wheel, which
has examined a list of 1000 claims al
lowed by one of the largest companies,
and finds that the cause was falls on
pavements in 531 cases, carriage and
wagon accidents number 243, there were
LII cut with tools and glass. in SO cases
a weight of some sort fell on the person
injured, the bicycle accidents are 20
Thus it seems that a preson is seven times
MS liable to hurts while walking ON the
sidewalk as when riding a bicycle on
the street, more than three times as
likely to be hurt in a wagon. and almost
twice as likely to be cut by glass or
tools.
Mrs. Grimble Ito her offspring)-
..There you go. tracking the floor all over
with mud. Didn't tell you to wipe your
feet before you came inv'
Johnny-"Oh. nobody's blaming you
ma: you did all you could. Boston
Transcript.
-:o:-
He makes an Attempt Teacher
..What is Pedestrian" Johnny-"A
person who doesn't ride bike."-Puck.
Mr.. Dunn UNPAID bill in his hand)-
when shall / call again. Mr.. Owens?'
Mr.. Owens-"Well. it would hardly be
proper for you to call again until have
returned the present call. '-Tit-Bits
-:o:-
Mr.. De Style-'Why, my dear. I'm
glad to see you so composed. When
left this morning you We're weeping and
wailing and tearing your hair because
Fido was SICK Mrs. De Style-"Well,
you see, just as you left Mrs. Tiptop
came in and told me that dogs of Fido's
breed were going out of fashion. New
York Weekly.
Crematorium Official-"We have both
49, I+al;op and Ernnch SvStapo IN y-oCuc