Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1896-06-12
REVENGE AT LAST.
TRIUMPH or THE MAN WHO CAT
BEHIND = BIG THEATER HAT.
He Couldp't See the Players and Muttsrod
HE DiscontenA Which Made the Blond
Lady ssucy-He Rsrssvsrsd, Wa Wen

HE DiscontenA Which Msde the Blond
Lady ssucy-He Rsrssvsrsd, Wa Wei
Supported and Came Out winnsr.
Scarcely had We settled ourselves in oul
seats, when ! saw, entering the row In
front Of us, . tall, thin blond, who seated
herself in tho chair Immediately in front
Of mine, and then l saw, with s~tupefaction,
that she wore upon her head . curious sort
Of hat, cooked down In front and cooked
up behind, garnished with flowers, with
vegetables, with shrubs-in fact, Q yerita.
bic garden. AS sho had cooked her cooked
hat over her eyes IL resulted that the rear
Of this vegetable garden lowered above tic
top Of her blond chignon, so that I could
sec no more OF tho stage than IT, had been
In far Cathay.
Tho bell rang; tho curtain rose; I heard
voices-presumably of actors-but 1t was
impossible for me to tell. At the risk Of
acquiring a telescope neck I leaned to the
right, then to the left. But / had not
counted on the balloon sleeves Of the blond,
which were perfect monsters of swollen
silk, and which masked completely both
wings Of tho stage, as her hat did the
middle.
Holy smoke" said I to my friend
Cinythe, THAT hat Is going to be rather q
nuisance!'
Tho blond lady heard me. She turned
slightly, put up her lorgnon and surveyed
me with tho utmost haughtiness; then,
Struggling her shoulders, she pulled up
her sleeves, SO that 1t was impossible for
mo 10 see even the %proscenium arch. Then
she braced up her feet against the chair in
front and hoisted herself up O few inches,
SO that by this gymnastic feat she succeed
ed in eleyating her vegetable garden even
more than before.
1t provoked me, and 1 determined to
give her a lesson II l could, for I might rs
we'll have been in q theaterphone listen
ing to "a telephone. ! could hear, but l
could see nothing. V~oices-female voices,
male voices-confusedly came to my ear.
You know how pcrplexing it is when you
cannot SEQ the personages upon the stage,
when 0 cannot note their gestures, nor
the play Of their faces. But the first net
terminated amid roars Of applause. A mar
l knew, threo seats to my right, was shak-
ing with laughter. Everybody in the thea
ter seemed to be intensely amused at tho
play except myself. And the blond lady
would still turn from time to time ard
favor mo again with her sneering smile.
Seated Immediately In front Of the blond
lady was a very little man who looked like
u ~hunchback, his head was SO sunken be-
tween his shoulders. l looked at him care
fully. He had the appearance Of being a
deadhead, owing to his rather shabby at
tire. l tapped him or the shoulder and
asked him il he would go out with me be-
tween the acts for a few minutes. When
we were outside l said to him:
MY dear sir, I have a particular inter
est in occupying your chair. No. As. II
you will pardon the liberty / take, l would
like to give you this trif1e Il slipped a SIS
piece into his hand), and in exchange l
would like to have your seat and you may
have mine, No. o."
The little mans face lighted up with
pleasure. He slipped my IS piece into his
waistcoat pocket and said; Certainly, my
dear sir. You arc very good. ! will take
your seat with pleasure"
Thus l was placed in possession Of scat
IS. Now ! could sec the stage, but still /
was not rcvenged. My first idea was to in
stall myself there, wearing my own high
hat, but l reflected that this manifestation
might not be understood, would seem dis
courteous to the actors and that l would
be forced to tax 1t off. Suddenly an idea
flashed across my mind-an Inspiration. !
left the theater and walked q block or two
until l camo to u milliner's shop. / en-.
tered and demanded Of the saleswoman to
sell mo a hat-the most gigantic, the most
arboriferous, tho most pyramidal hat she
had. She opened a drawer and exhibited
to me a monument in black felt, with ar
enormous knob of black velvet upon its
top, and on top of the black velvet knob "a
puff of black flowers extremely high.
Without haggling I paid her the price and
swiftly returned to the theater.
To the stupefaction Of Cmythe, who was
still seated in his chair, No. 90, / seated
myself in No. 4S, Immediately before the
blond lady with the big hat, and then, |
with u perfectly serious c~ountenance, !
placed upon my head tho black velvet
monument. l do not know what sort OF |
a figure l cut with my long mustaches un
der the velvet hat, but If a bomb had burst |
In the orchestra 1t would not have pro- |
duced q greater effect. Explanations |
came from every direction, and people |
climbed up on their seats to see me, amid
roars of laughter.
The men-poor wretches, they do stand
together once In awhile-understood the |
motive of my protest and cried: "Bravoi
Bravo! , Ho is right!' while the agitatcd |
Cmythe screamed to me across the blond
lady's balloon sleeves, why, old man, |
you are going crazyl' None the less, /
remained impassive in the midst Of the
tempest which / had let loose. But the
usual reverse came. Two ushers, after
consultation, came to me and politely beg
ged me to take off my hat. Certainly"
said /, "if you will make this lady takc
off hers" This response provoked the ut
most enthusiasm from the men. But the
ushers would not listen to reason, ard
they made me leave my seat.
The lady with the vegetable garden tri-
unlphed, but not for long.
Looking up toward the family circle, l
saw a colored damsel weasing a small tur-
ban. mounted to the circle. l went to
the colored lady. Pardon NO." said 1,
but l have q hat which cost me- SIS only
q quarter Of an hour ago." l exhibited
the black velvet monument, and tho col
ored lady's eyes bulged out in amazement
and admiration
"And what about it2'' size said.
Nothing but this: 1t Is yours II you
will do me the favor to occupy my seat in
the orchestra, No. 4s, until the play is