West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1896-12-03
REPUBLICANRAzzLE DAZZLE.
The Great Hannscrat Thuse Over NJ
the River City.
Special Correspondence % Tux Anars.

ident, our little burg was lifted from
its mooriug by the discharge OF dyna-
mite cartridge, which brought MS 10
our front door, where we were told
that IL was the Republican blow out
and that the parade was passing. but
as we had neither n Lack or Yorker
telescope, we failed 10 catch the re-
hottest glimpse of "a, aud we set t.
down as an optical Illusion of our I'm.
tormant or the mirage OF a few entbn.
siastic republicans who had Como over
behind Coniffs stone pile to bleed one
OF Reymau's Fights But we soon dis
covered our mistake, for IL was ACTUALLY
the Mckinley blow out, and lnclx OF
funds, wantou apathy aud war TO the
hilt amongst the spoilsmen in their
mad rush for the coveted stamp can
celer seemed 10 disrupt their once well
perfected organization, and using the
vernacular of the "bum" placed the
parade on the hog" IL Is customerv
here to get out with paper the dav
after election, while the enthusinSeu,
is at white heat, and subscribe the
necessary amount for the ratification.
hut this time there were papers of fnr
more Importance and the contributions
were looked upon "a n secondary mat.
ter. The first paper was that of John
Pierce, tali and genial, who. while he
could not give You the hearty laugh
our popular and handsome ex-postmns.
ter u. Il, Stone, could give vet his
republication was none the less, aud
in a long preamble pleaded for the
right of way 90 the lSey-hole OF Uncle
Sans canvas bag, and was willing TO
raise Heaven and earth TO secure IL.
The second was that OF j. @. Uooton.
commanding and obliging, who ex-
presses his approval aud disapproval by
his color, which he can change as easily
as n chamelian, alternately beeming up.
on you like grizzly cub and n Young
fawn. His preamble was terse. but IL
plainly showed his desire to get his
fingers in Miss Colulnbia's shopping
bag and hand us out our duns etc, AMI
was willing to raise HI in general
for the opportunity. These two papers
consumed the first week, and every
hour OF the last three thereafter was
devoted 10 squeezing n few dollars out
OF those who had IL not to give for a
demonstration that was destined to be
the most gigantic failure ever gotten
up in this or adjoining states. In vain
did Hollis, stone Charley Wheeler and
Pat Dawson place every Knight Of the
Plough they come in contact with on
the grid-iron. and Notwithstanding the
intense fire produced bv their natural
gas and the swig OF 20 be joyful"
they gave to open up their pores. the
fat run very slowly, for indeed with
confidence restored" pork at five
cents, potatoes at % cents aud corn at
10 cents, to them dime was as bio as
silver dollar at the legal ratio OF 3a
TO /. Then the fat and slippery Potter
rolled off the cheese cloth and priuted
1t in Banning letters that the blow ont
would surely come off the nigbt after
Thanksgiving aud for every one 20 turn
out and show their color, and caused n
TO be posted nc every cross-road within
radius OF 20 miles As will be seen
there did not quite so many come. but
those that did, plainly showed their
colors in the time honored yellow
and weather-beaten garments, which
unfortunately are so Indigenous TO
the farmers OF all gold standard coun.
tries, particular the farmers of .'our
banner Republican county" and the
jolly and good natured old vet Phil
Ayersman. who draws everything from
a handsome pension 90 a large audience
20 listen To his war yarns--in fact
always drawed everything save bead
on "a johnny TO muster
out the old vets with the help OF his
old aidecamp, Col. Streets who never
drew more than a pension. not evon
the lines on his ticket when he voted.
But they were unequal TO the task.
The night come clear and calm, the
whiskey come, the beer come. a dozen
sticks Of red fire come, as many roman
candles, barrel OF oil for the bon.
fire, but the crowd cometh not. Tired
OF waiting, crest-fallen and fun Of.
we'll not enthusiasm-the hencbuen
tried 90 form them IN line at Pugh's
store, but lack OF torches. dearth Of
fireworks and a plethora Of fire-water,
crossed the nerves OF their optics and
entangled their feet so that IL was i'm.
possible TO get them in line. As they
we're blatinR like so many sheep. Hollis
straQctic like. grabbed one Of them and
hustled him TO the front thinking the
rest would follow. But they were not
so sheep like as they were sheep-loolS-
ing, for not one followed Then Prof
Michaels with o stick OF red fire. rush
ed 70 the front brandishod IL and YELL
ed TO the boys to git" their places.
lie was successful, "a small boys and / 4
men fell in. The leaders become dis
gusted, turned their back on tho parade
and changed the cry from "get in line"
% get the wine" and were not seen
until the following day. The parade
passed over the north part Of town
with little difficulty ia a zigzag line.
And oh horrors. had 10 been Demo.
cratic parade, how our readers of liber.
" and Freedoms Banner. the beloved
disciples Of Trayncr. and tho defunct
Linton would have hold M their hands