davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-20
HTMoRors ANECDOTES.


Two brothers. after having a quarrel
parted, never to speak again.
Not long afterwards. one of them
thought he woul play a trick en- the other
by sending the following letter:-Dear
john am quite well, and posted il with
out stamp.
This note duly reached the others house
and he had to pay for it. He knew, how
ever, who it was from, and he said Moth
ing. until one day. going along the short.
he saw a large rock. whic.I he cased in a
box and sent it to his brother with a note
inside.
The brother. however, paid for it,,
thinking it to be a present from some
friend: but on opening it he read the fol-
lowing:
Dear Bob-I am glad to know you are
well. as you have taken this heavy load
! off my mind
A young minister who was naturally of
/ a shy disposition. was rather embarrassed
/ at his first marriage ceremony, and unwit-
| tingly reversed the usual order of the ser
/ vice. thus making the bridegroom promise
/ to love and obey his blushng bride. The
/ error passed unnoticed at the time but
sbortl,. aftarvrard If downed upou the
fa+bor of tho bri5e that % mistake had oc-
l,,rro1 and he said to the minister: u be-
lio,,e Nj, - Won have made John PROM
/ ise ~ love and obey, NV daughter"
"Ab well" he added. after a pause. and
with a sly look at his better half. Il sup
pose II won matter i,'"ci'' ~ seiiei any
i COMES 10 'na' any way
/ -. .i.,, go 49,, ala ,o,7,. mont on
- 49,, f@,.,,f-, +,,, N-i.tor,. RI
-. -. 80 ,,,.ar,,+ - III.
-. -. ~. ~ ~, ro,,l,i,,,, 49,, 49,.
49, ~ - ,o,., hero vas ,o,r6o3
-, a.. -, ~. . ,.,;,o, ,,r,ss lit,
The ofl,cer remarked TO her:
/ "Here Nelson feu"
"And no wonder" exclaimed the old
lady 81 nearly fell mvself."
! a wei known artist. combining business
] with pleasure, had been for some weeks
/ painting on the shores of famous Scot
fish loch. Animal subjects are his spe-
( cial study. and he happens to be engaged
Oh a canvass Of large dimensions on which
he is painting several farm horses.
A blacksmith. naturally very much in
terested in equines. looked over the ar
/ lists shoulder at the work the other day.
and, observing the ROUGH surface there
produced, he seriously remarked:
Man, thatH no be bad picture when
/ its sandpapered doom a little and varnish-
/ ed"
General Morgan OF limos VINO con-
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-20
FOR SALE

House, g rooms and hall, Mark, sls,t
Centre Wheeling. SLIGO.
House, rooms, brick, terms t4v
Eighteenth street. 81, 400.
Splendid brick house. Z rooms. ll. i.l
gases. bath, hot and cold water. E0a at .t
between I'D and 2lth streets al luN u..-.
House rooms and store room, Ia
street, Sixth ward terms easy, {l.
$J2j buys house. , rooms. Wilson &c..
Centre wheeling, $50 cash, balance ll T-...
Lots on Linn ST. and McCouOch ST. East
W hecilAg, So 10 $40 each. on easy la!-
meUts.
Splendid building site for dwelling
Fourteenth ST.
House, rooms. brick. Jacob street. Sixth
ward, easy terms. 1850.
Building Site for dwelling. C7ap.Li
street, Fifth ward.
Eight-rOOm frame house. bath, (yt 8,i
cold water, also double frame house &
J. Iidlngs, suitable FOR two families b-h
gases. Between seventh and Eighh
streets. cast Side Of Market street. l..
| J0Xl52 feet. bargain a. $500.
House, j. rooms. large centre halls. VITA
modern cCnveHieuces, and large Tot So.
2009 Chapl.ne street; cheap and terms easy.
House - rooms, brick. Fifteenth s.rsa;
cheap. 5000.
House. rooms and hall. 18th e., HCo
Business property on Market So. a Md
$500. $500, $500. $500. 5000 and $3.50 to lo.s
on zeal estate.
NESBITT & DEVINE,
Tel Gt3. 1889 Market street.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-20

brigadierr said the man. Excuse me-
general, but don't thoroughly know the
ropes yet. ''-Harper's Round Table.
At Perth station. the other day, the fol
lowing conversation was overheard be-
tween two farmers after the collector had
punched their tickets:
Man dae We ken, Jock. that my ticket
is better off than ma-sel?'
"Hoo's that MANI"
well, it had three nips since left Giles
ca. an l have had only ane.'
HE DID NOT KNOW THE ROPES.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-20
FOR SALE-REAL ESTATE

TOR SALE.
L-ilding lots on Thirteenth stree.
Building lots at Edgington.
Building lots at Greggsville.
au2s Room is, CITY itf Bank & p BaiR9-
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-20
BOOTS AND SHOES.
The BULLDOG TOE

Is the correct tips for shoes. That's "ii
we're scoring a poin, with now So
other toe goes on foot It's The h.a
and only the latest claims recognition
You want it, though in tie RICH, soH o
shoe, a shoe that's good enough to v-'
because it VII wear. Nothing can be
added to these goods to make them more
satisfactory. You have all The d.sao9
shoe qualities here, everything yla NJ
and nothing that you'd rather san. han
have, Tor SO to Sc.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-20

A short time ago an old lady went {
board Nelson's flagship. the Victory. II
different objects of interest were du
shown to her. and. ON reaching the sp
where the grand naval hero was wound,
(Which is marked by raised brass plate
the officer remarked to her:
Here Nelson fell
And no wonder" exclaimed the o
lady. 81 nearly fell myself"
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
THURSDAY, MAY IA, 1896.
IN OTHER STATES.

In Ohio the friends of silver are
expression in the metals favor 1t is
an uphill fight, in view of the forces
which Clevelandism is able to set In
opposition. although II is asserted that
the Ohio district which Senator Brice
calls his home is one of several dis
tricts that can score a majority for
silver Had the democratic convention
in Montana been held at a reasonably
early date, II is possible that the party
In this state could have devised ways
and means whereby to promote silver's
cause in Ohio.
Iowa is attracting attention. Dem
ocracy in that state is for free coinage.
The question is whether those who
truly represent party sentiment will be
able to take the time and incur the ex-
pense needed for personal attendance
at the Iowa state convention. Michi-
gan was lost because the agents OF the
Cleveland administration filled the
state convention with office holding
substitutes for the free-silver delegates
who really found that the personal ex-
pense incident to attendance at the
convention was greater than they could
afford. What happened in Michigan is
likely to be repeated in Iowa A friend
ly lift from Montana, in a way that
would be strictly legitimate, might do
great good In Iowa: that could have
n a Mt faN
ton. What is true of Iowa is equally
true Of Kentucky. of districts in Illi-
nois and of important sections in the
Middle West.
1t is a pity that. instead OF showing
readiness to lend helping hand,
Montana democracy is obliged to wait
until nearly all of the states have act
ed. This state follows where IL ought
to lead.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
SPAIN WILL 90 SLOW.

All that was asked OF Spain. in the
first place. in behalf of the United
States, was that provision be made for
the trial of certain members Of the crew
of the Competitor under the terms of
existing treaties. The request to this
effect sent from Washington raised a
commotion among the Spaniards; they
renewed their cry for war with the
United States. The authorities at Ma
drid have recognized the justice of the
request made by the United States. and
the trials will take place along salts
factory lines. The conclusions an
nounced at Madrid will afford those
Barcelona students, by way of
change. an opportunity to engage in
the pastime OF tearing up Spanish
flags.
In Havana, they proposed to lose no
time. 1t appears from one of this
mornings dispatches that the purpose
there was to make a speedy ending with
the members of the Competitors crew.
Now that Madrid has ordered a stay,
IT will be interesting to notice whether
General Weyler persists in his deter
mination to resign.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
NOTES OF THE DAY.

New York has an orchestra of left
handed fiddlers.
The ratable value of London is nearly
SIS 900. 600.
I.aplanders often skate distance of $50
miles a day.
Eleven thousand brass bands play for
the Salvation army.
Dances are frequently given at a blind
asylum in London.
England imports about 5000 packs of
playing cards yearly.
England has IS per cent. Of the wealth
OF the United Kingdom.
When the planet Mars is nearest the
earth IL is 81. 100000 miles away.
The Brazilian sugar crop is reported TO
be an average one this year.
There are 20.o00 hounds in Great Brit
ain used for hunting purposes.
The astronomers say that perfect
fun moon Is Of rare occurrence.
From the latest census II seems that
there are 2.s4l. SO gypsies in Hungary.
The national guard OF the Argentine
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
IT WAS MADE LIGHT

The government having President
Kruger at its head has shown that It
is not disposed to be vindictive: the CIV
iized world will say that, having their
punishment reduced to a term of five
years of Imprisonment. John Hays
Hammond and his associates are in
luck. A mass of testimony against
these men, which did not reach the
western press. has recently been pub
lished in New York and elsewhere The
proofs of conspiracy were telling
the evidence must have startled many
persons in high official station at Lon
don.
IL was admitted that the sparing Of
some OF the prisoners would be merely
an act of grace on the part of the Boer
government. President Kruger, whose
personal influence doubtless has most
to do in dealing with the raiders, has
shown himself willing to go very far
in response to the pleas thai, have been
addressed TO him in behalf of Ham.
mond and others.
One fact is already pretty well estab-
lished-it will be a good while before
any people of an adventurous turn.
even at the instigation of a man as
powerful as Cecil Rhodes. rush head
long into conspiracy within the
Transvaars limits.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

cedved 4.444.952 votes while 4.454. 416
were cast for James A. Garfield. Han
cocks superb record in the Union army
awaited nothing. His disappointment
over defeat was intense; he died IN
1856. But he lived long enough to see
1t is suggestive that the lawyer of re-
bellion days should. at the unveiling
of a monument. draw the attention Of
the public to the lesson in patriotism
which the career of the dead soldier
teaches. especially when the contrast
between the two men is 50 sharp in
what relates to popular recognition.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

republic is to be reorganized into IA bat.
teries of artillery. A bettalions of infan.
try and AZ squadrons of cavalry.
Immersion in salt water is said to make
wood harder and more durable.
In England there is only one place OF
worship to about every 1000 persons.
A cable line railroad has been planned
to the crater OF Popocatepetl, Mexico.
Besides her plague of rabbits Australia
In now threatened with a plague of foxes.
Cedar wood is now being exported from
Argentine to the United States by way of
trial.
Matches have not yet displaced the tin
der box in certain rural districts of Spain
and Italy.
AS late as 1860 10000 African slaves were
annually transported from the dark con-
tinent to Cuba
The royal arsenal at woolwich employs
about 1000 workmen and has 40 miles of
internal railways.
There are 1916. 42o acres of timber land
IN the Southern states and the aver lge
yield of these forests is 5000 feet per
acre.
The railway clearing house is one of the
largest offices in Britain. 1t has staff CT
LOCO clerks.and 4s0 out-of-door officers
1t is calculated that about 10000 people
Joined in the singing of ''Old Hundred"
at the Crystal Palace, London, on Good
Friday.
A hywheel IN Germany is made of steel
wire. The wheel is Is feet in diameter ard
$50 miles of wire were used in its con-
struction.
There is said to be "helrs half acre"
in Southern California 40 miles square. in
which every rod has a boiling spring or
spouting geyser.
Telegraph poles in Switzerland are pre-
served from rapid decay by being charged
with creosote compound, pressed by
gravity into one end of the wood.
The very oldest Chinese porcelain is
pure white, without any color whatever,
sometimes with figures raised in relief.
The earliest color laid on was blue
The trade returns of Canada for the
first nine months of the fiscal year show
an increase in exports and imports of
81, 526,s17 over the corresponding period of
the last fiscal year.
One of the best informed deputies in
congress in Argentine says that there is
a unanimous determination to insist upon
the Argentine contention concerning the
Chilean boundary, and that If 1t means
war this will be accepted and that there
will be no arbitration as to that point.
Cattle must be very precious in Bor-
neo when a COW receives the honor of
an obituary notice in the official journal
Thus a newspaper solemnly informs its
readers that IAN aged COW belonging to
the government herd met it's death on
the 18th by falling into dixie ct Sc
cluded spot where it was unable to ex-
tricate itself"
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

notice. do not expectorate on the
floor of this car" was equally serious.
III was shown that many men would
construe the Injunction too literally.
and while obeying 1t so far as the floor
was concerned would take the liberty
to expectorate on the seats. the win
dows and even the ceiling of the car,
so that the last state should be worse
than the first. The ladies, therefore,
after mature elaboration agreed to re-
quest the street railroad companies to
change the notice so that 1t shall read.
do not spit In this car"
The amendment is certainly an Inn
provement on the original, although
the ladies took a characteristlcally
roundabout and illogical way to reacn
It, Brevity, directness and Anglo
Saxonism are the qualifications desira-
BILE in any euch sign. But the men folks
are not such fools and Doors as the
ladies of the woman's Health Protect
i've association think.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
A LITTLE CONTRAST.

The dedication of a monument at
Washington. on Tuesday, carries with
Il one or two interesting suggestions.
The monument is a memorial TO Gen.
Winfield Scott Hancock. who fought an
South Mountain, and Antietam. at
Fredericksburg and Charlottesville.
and who was carried wounded from
the field at Gettysburg.
Grover Cleveland was twenty-six
years old when Gettysburg was fought
He was not there; he was getting
ready 10 make living at the bar when
the civil war was progressing.
In 1850. General Hancock was norni-
mated for the Office Of president. with
the result that. al the polls. he re-
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
THE HORRID MEN.

There is an organization in New
Health Protective association, and it's
functions are to offer advice and sug-
geStions to the local board of health,
the police force, the mayor. ami even
the legislature and the governor 1t is
said TO be doing a great deal of good
and we don't doubt il. The New York
papers that came 20 hand yesterday
contained an interesting report of a
meeting of the association. II seems
that in pursuance of an ordinance of
the board of health the street railroad
companies are posting notices in their
on the floor of this car" The ladies
heartily approve of the idea, but they
object to the wording of the notice on
two grounds. 1t was pointed out that
"expeotorate" is too elegant and ornate
a word for the great majority of man
kind. IL is a case Of casting pearls be-
fore swine. Many men don't know
what IL means. and many more who
may have a conception OF its meaning
are not accustomed to moving in the
society OF 50 good a word. 1t was
agreed that spit" II less choice and
high-tonsd. is more expressive and bet
ter suited to the understanding Of the
vulgar masses. Vulgar men can only
be approached in a vulgar way-such
was the reasoning of the members Of
the woman's Health Protective asso-
citation.
The other charge brought agains, the
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

According to the report of the consul
general of the United States at Frank
fort on the Main, Frank M. Mason,
there is a market in Germany for
American bicycles, which promise to
be drug on the market in this coun-
try IL the present rate of production is
continued. The invasion of summer
tourists last year. when American
wheelmen and wheelwomen rode
through the interesting towns of Ger
many on their light, strong. swift and
graceful American wheels, was an eye
opener for Germans and they are now
anxious to get the American made
wheel The bicycles manufactured in
Germany. Consul General Mason says,
are heavier and more cumbersome
than those made now in this country
and if American manufacturers wish to
compete in the German market he ad-
vises them to send wheels weighing
between 81 and rs pounds, with brakes
and all other accessories.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
FOR HIN NOW.

They are all making haste to mount
the band wagon; even the republican
newspapers in Pennsylvania that re-
Gently were scolding at Mckinley meth
DDS are now putting emphasis on the
fact that he is the man of the hour,
the ideal leader, a statesman indeed, a
greater than Henry Clay or James G.
Blaine. The erstwhile Reed organs are
saying nothing about Mckinley fat fry
ing; Mr.. Quay's journals are not re-
peating their complaints that Mckinley
assessed the Pennsylvania industries
too heavily The fact appears to find
pretty general recognition that McKin-
ley has the rest of them on the run
the widespread republican purpose
manifestly is to fall in line with the
winner at the earliest possible oppor-
tunity The flying switch lately made
by several influential republican news
papers must furnish Mr. Hanna with
a good deal of amusement.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The republican state convention of
last Monday did nothing in the way of
contributing toward free-coinage cam
paigning in other states where, at this
critical time. the needs are urgent. The
democratic state convention does not
meet until conclusions have been
reached in nearly every other state,
and thus, for that party, the opportu-
mites of the hour are lost. The only
agency operating in the state is the
bureau OF the Trades and Labor as
sembly in Silver Bow county. which is
active in the effort to provide for the
spread of the facts about free coinage
among labor organizations in the East
The request of those who are raising
the fund to be used in this eastern
work is that the subscriptions be
promptly made.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
IT rs DONE.

For fact. the Crees must go-and
good radiance to them Yesterday Gov
ernor Richards received word from
Washington to the effect that all the
preliminaries had been completed, even
to the securing of the presidents sig
nature to the bill appropriating $1,000
wherewith to make the roundup. At
ter all, II appears that the somewhat
memorable interview between Secre-
tary olney and Governor Richards
may not have been altogether in vain.
These vagrant Crees have been too
long away from home; they ought to
have been hustled across the northern
boundary of Montana years ago. Since
the work of transporting them is to de-
volve on the United States army, Mon
tana will soon be able to celebrate the
passing of the last of the Crees.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
TO ADVERTISERS.

The Anaconda Standard guarantees Its
advertisers a BONA fde paid circulation.
Daily and Sunday. three times greater
than that OF any other Newspaper Sub-
lished I'm the state of Montana. A <ertis-
Ing contracts will be made subject to this
guarantee.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The Colorado republicans who wiH
meet in state convention to-day, are
expected to point with pride to Mon
days action of the Montana republic
cans, and view with alarm the attitude
of certain Idaho republicans who are
talking bolt.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

Possibly the negro minstrel who was
shot by Crazy Horse" Newell I'm a Chi
cago saloon yesterday had offered to
crack a joke IL Crazy Horse would
crack a bottle.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

At the next republican state conven-
ton a special dispensation should be
made in favor of Messrs. Power and
Phelps permitting them to walk out
long enough to settle Ii outside.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The days dispatches from Havana
announce that Captain General wey-
Ter has prolonged indefinitely the pc
riod given the insurgents TO surrender
and obtain pardon" The insurgents.
however, have no intention of returning
the compliment.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

Colonel Sanders, according to an in
terview in the Helena Independent,
seems to be very well satisfied with the
action of the republican state conven-
.tion, and no doubt he voices the senti-
ments of goldbugs generally. ~ j
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The Spanish press has kindly con-
scented to grant the United States a
few days respite before wiping 1t of
the face of the earth.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

All general business letters ana corrs-
spondence should be addressed to Tine
Standard Publishing Company. Anaconda.
Mont
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The fact that Tanner, the republican
candidate for governor of Illinois. has
killed a man does not necessarily give
him a dead cinch.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

pears to have experienced the fate Of
the one-horse shay.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

While there will be no walk-out at
st. Louis, it is altogether probable
there will be a general strike by the
Montana republicans next fall.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

General Weyler is convinced that he
could put down the rebellion If the in
surgents would lay down their arms
and principles.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The Crees will be furnished railroad
transportation across the border. Cow
ernor Richards, of course, true to his
party platform, is opposed to a walk
:
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

New York clubs, according to the new
Raines liquor law, may keep open bar
at all hours of the day and night, Sum
days included. Clubs are trumps.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14
$40 REWARD

VIII be paid for the arrest and conviction
OF any person caught stealing the Stand
ard from subscribers
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The Methodist general conference re-
grets that 1t cannot say amen" to Mr.
Cleveland's Armenian policy. ~ >
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

Senator German seems to be taking
the part of Holman in congress with
Holman left out.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

The Santa Monica harbor proposition
seems to be in deep water. g
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

Main omce-standard Building. Ana
sonda. Telephone No. I.
New York ofice-z3o Temple Court
Building.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

1t begins to look as If midwinter has
come to stay.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-05-14

Senator Wolcott's letter advising the
republicans of Colorado to stay in the
party is warmly applauded by the gold
bug republican press of the East, but
II is meeting with a still warmer recep-
ton from silver men the country over.