Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-01-16

When asked why she rejected me,
Her reasons We're moSt frank:
She weighed me in the balance-and
I had none at the bank.
New York Herald.
HoaX-'Why do you call Col. War
bluffs wife a peach? She's not hand
some" Joax-"Ne shut she gets around
the kernel so easily and naturally
Philadelphia Record
Mrs. Waggles-"Doesn't your hus-
band suffer dreudfully with rhcuma-
tism?'' Mrs. Wiggles -"Yes, but it's
nothing to what The rest of us have To
endure "-Somerville Journal
Fuddy-"Hello. there's Boojum over
there Wonder if that is his wife with
him." Duddy-"Of course not. Don't
you see that he is carrying all the par
GELS ?"-Boston Transcript.
"How do you sell this music paperY
asked the customer at the stationery
store. I'm not certain about it, said
the new clerk, ''but | think we sell it by
the choir. Chicago Tribune.
The gay cravat which she selected
Will leave him soon Il wreck.
While he with truth remarks. detected,
''Ill get it in the neck
Washington Star.
Uncle Bob-''What you going to be
when you become man, Tommy?'
Tommy-'I'm going to be a soldier, eos
then l can fight all want to without
being spanked for it'-Harper's Bazaar.
Junior Partner s:,Why did you give
Drummer the job of collecting debts
for our firm? Do you think he is any
good?" Senior :Parther-'Well, he col
lected debt from me the other day.
Truth.
He-"Do you love me we'll enough to
be my Wife," ~.She-"More than that /
love you we'll enough to be your mother.
Haven't YOU heard that I'm going to
marry your father" -Boston Tran
script
''He must be worth at least hun
dred thousand dollRrs, mamma . How
do you know?" ''He told me his for
tune ended in five ciphers. HIM.
Maybe it begins with one, too. "-Wash-
ington Star.
''Sing heigh-ho the hollyr'
Thus sung the oldtimc bard; :
OF course he found it jolly :
Not to buy it by the yard.
Chicago. Record.
Harry-What girl was that you had
i'll tow last evening? Willy Indignant
ly)-What, you are pleased to call tow
is usually spoken of ..by people Of cul-
ture as blonde tresses Boston 1'raus-
cript
Bobbie-Father will be down in mo-
ment. Have a cigar? Won Blunler--
Are you sure these are the kind he gives
to his friends? Bobbie-Yes, sir. They
are some that mother gave Lim.-New
York Herald.
Miss Beckon-I wonder why Man
ager b has so much trouble with
his leading lady? He never used TO
have. Miss Hubb-Why, don't you
know? The idiot married her at the
end Of last seasoh.-Boston Courier.
He woke, his sleep with trouble fraught.
And heardran awful sound. He thought
The day of Judgment come;
Then he Remembered he had bought
His little boy drum.
Judge. :.
Mr. Keep Cash +DM you write that
man who ,advertises to show people
how to make desserts without milk and
have them richer? Mrs. Cash-Yes. and
sent him the dollar. ''What did he re-
ply?' Use cream" West Medfora
windmill - -.
Now is the time,',' said the patriotic
boarder, for some one to get up a ma
tional air that shall be distinctly Amer
ican.' Whats the matter already"
asked the Cheerfuf.Idiot, with You
Can't Play in Our Yard 2 "-Indianapo-
lis Journal
Jones--To-morroW will be the first
Sunday of the year, and propose to be-
gin the new year by. going to church
Mrs. Jones-You had, better take me
with you. Jones What for? Mrs.
need somebody to iden-
tify you.-Truth...s /.
Il have only myself. to blame" said
Rivers, shaking the moisture from his
garments and shiyering. 1.-The wealth
er man gave fair warning it would be
fair and warmer. and l came down
town with. my light overcoat and no
umbrella" Chicago Tribune
s'sPapa,y inquired "a small girl at the
dinner table the other evening, what's
a millionairea Deroothy Smith said to
me today Your fathers a million
aire' !" What did you.say ?" asked the
small girls father: sson, JUS, said,
Sos yours New York Evening Sun.