The evening times., 1896-03-26

and when he was required TO take the
stand, walked unsteadily forward, every
fiber, nerve and muscle OF his body quiver-
ing with nervousness. A stalwart man,
white haired, gray mustacled, and military
in his bearing, he attracted general at
tention. The hands that once held so
steadily in deadly aim, muskct, could
not now have nanaled "A i,dtiet tt-
blood-shot blue eyes in the past locked
without blinking ut the flash OF cannon
and the giant of steel, now they fell in
humiliation before the presence OF one
man, when once a thousand could not have
lowered them. II was the Judge. His
honor's anger was just at the mans weak
ness.
Woodbury. he remarked, sternly,
what a life is yours. Think OF that help
less wife needing her husbands help, and
he spending his all i'll whisky. Man, man.
what brute you are making of your
SELF
The hot blood so slow to color old faces,
stole In Woodburys brow and checks,
dying out and leaving him whittier than the
riffs OF hair tumbled and tossed on his
head.
IF you let me off this time 1 shall
never take a drink again. pleaded the
prisoner.
.'Oh. no." replied the court. 'oh. no.
A half hour after your release you would
he in Il saloon. I'll give you a short SEN
tencc. and when you get out If theN / S
any of the manhood that you displa yed in
the old da VS. left think about YOUR wife"
Come, your honor" asked the veteran,
trembling and racked with the pangs OF
alcohol, Just this last chance"
''No, sir; fifteen days i will see that
you get trea tment at the hospital. Step
a side"
Woodbury. stepped back. stepped back to
wear a new uniform of white and black
stripes.
SOME OF RALPH'S JOKES.
Young Mr.. Ralph Chipman is somewhat
of Theodore Hook in his way. He with
a number OF other inventive geniuses, has
been mixing up the signs OF stores on
Fourteenth street. causing complca-
ton in trade that has imperiled the sanity
of some of the merchants affected. To
place sign announcing the interior sale
of all-wool pants in front of a saloon, and
back up stand flinging to the world
the statement that large deviled crabs
and dark beer can be obtained within,
against a tailor shop is pleasant to the !
risibles OF humorous humanity. but ra ather
embarrassing to the clothier and barkcep
To have a young woman glide in your
store with a large and undisguised beer
pitcher in one hand and stretching out a
dime in the other eXclaim in a shrill voice:
Soy, gimme tin cints worth OF de dark,
an let your hand go easy on de froth," is
nothing short of a maniacal embarrass-
ment, especially when you are showing
some suitings to strict temperance Gus
toner and churchman, and have a jeal
Gus wife glaring from the rear room at the
females entrance, and then to have this
same young woman, when she is shown
the door, to reitcrate her opinion of 4
''blOke who runs a spea k-casy wild q sign
front. and den turns goil down." Very
plea SAINT to see the customer walk out in
disgust, and have your wife nag you for
days to come.
DRIVEN TO DESPERATION.
One German saIoonkeeper in the neigh
driven to desperation by 4 con-
stant procession of men inquiring the price
Of all wool pants, threatened to drink up
all his own whisky and become a bankrupt
and a suicide at the same time. Complaint
was made to the police, and Policeman
Robey arrested Ralph, and carried him to
court this morning. The tailor and the
haggard from worry, sat in
the room willing witnesses.
He dakes de crab un' peer signs from
mine blace un' put it by de tailor shop, un'
dakes de tailor 'ssign und put in front of mine
blace." said the saloonkeeper, giving a very
mixed explanation of ''blaces un' signs"
The tailor, little man, worn and tried
from the lies he had been driven to in ex
planning the appearance Of a girl and
pitcher in his store, repeated tue story of
his suffering.
Judge Kimball looked amused. and i'm
posed a fine of So, with a warning TO
the defendant not to break up families |
and intellects with such hoaXes.
The tailor and the saloon-kecper salts
fled at the Judgment, sought sOlace in
drink. Ralph will seek solace in soft |
bottomed chairs for weeks to come, as his |
father promised the court the joker should
receive from his hands some treatment de-
scribed as q warming.