The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-03-12
TOLD Blythe TEACHER
An Arkansas PedagOgue Gives His
Experience.
POLITICS AND THE PROFESH
When Mixed Resulted Disastrousiy
The Directors Made 1t I'm
pleasant for the Perfes-
sor and He Quit.

the directors to furnish an Unabridged
Dictionary. while the other carried the
English vocabulary" on the end of
his tongue and could dispense with the
book-recalls an incident of my expe-
rience in teaching the young idea how
to shoot"
1t was away back in that section of
Arkansas where the expression Poor
lin hogs" originated. To avoid any
misinterpretation, / shall explain that
Poor lin hogs" in Arkansas means
hogs whose bristles are very brittle.
caused by eating 'polygala senaga,"
and unfit to tip the Jingle.
In the autumn of 1888 A. d ARKANSAS
Didelphic), l was zealously engaged in
pedagogy-away back. in this land of
marsupinalia and wildcats. Having
five-dollar globe, an abacus, set of
a, b, blocks, a pocket microscope and
q map of the state of Arkansas, was
looked upon rather as a prodigy than
simply the teacher" and was always
addressed as "Perfesser" The juiciest
ham, the choicest fruits, the freshest
butter, the youngest eggs and the 'yal-
lerest" legged chicken were reserved
alike for me, the sheriff of the county,
the justice of the peace and the visit
- ing Evangelist. Many were the good
things barred by my epiglottis, for the
contract specified board about" So
Jealous of each other for the honor of
entertaining the "Perfesser" that my
domiciliation was entirely out of the
question. Being somewhat of a gas
economist I never demonstrated against
any change, for consequent thereof was
the fat o. the land"
There was then in it's acme a granger
alliance called the Agricultural Wheel
supporting to remedy all the evils of
the body polite. Having been unani-
mously solicited, 1 was forced to join
this august assemblage. The night of
my initiation was an eventful one. A
deputy grand, or organizer of such in
situations, was present with his gail
and ambition, presumptuous and de-
signing upon the collective ignorance Of
the associated individuals. All busi-
ness having been disposed, Hon. j
r was introduced to the house.
Mounting the two by four rostrun. he
said:
"Bruthrin an fellersiturzens: Hit is
with much plezure an / hoap fur greet
guide tibet 1 haphers befoar yuse ter
mite. lie not waist my breth on this
Chevlun hadminustrayshun. Az ter
whut haint bin dun, line not diskus-
sin-but whut orter be did. (Applause)
i haphere afore yuse az a bruther, a
siturzen, an a candydate FUR yoar naixt
1edgislatur. (Applause) Yuse know
my princypulls an fiatform, so lie pur-
seed further on. Hyar yuse air-er
plodin days an er holm nites-an whut
du yuse make outsidener bear Twin
yea, whut? Yoar stuff is prised on
marbull in tabulls in M Yoark, Chi
cargo an Liverpole afore hits sprouted
outer Their groun!!l This hyar kline NV
er thing hez got ter be stopt-an I per-
poze ter be yoar stopper. (Applause)
Whin 1 git thar-ef 1 du-Ile fay this
highbred headed monstur-tariff-er-
live. Evrything frum wool hats ter
shool ether'l be dust cheep; while corn,
thar 1flro'l hAx
stapull prise-so. yuse kin kalkerlate
yer profits jist az well whin yuse trun
Their just furrer az yer Good arter yude
harvested an sole out. Great APP
plause.)
Az err battle-scared vetrin, I know
whairuv I speek; fur hewitt I seed Gin
eral Grant en- all his glory er boss bck?
At bled an dide along O. him fur this
glorius younyon an Their caws NV lib
urty. Menny is Their rebuilt thet's bit
Their dust az / banged erwa frum brush
er hillside. An eff Pde er he'd my way
thade er nuver bin in Their yonnyon ter
day!!! (Applause)
'Noaw, bruthrin an fellersiturzens, Ell
yuse know er man emmy stronger fur
uher younyon, err er bettur Methudist
then / be, en- whose hans yuse kin
plaise yersellfs-voat fur him. Uther-
wize, remimbur me az yer standud
bierer." (Great Applause.)
As soon as quiet was restored, / was
unanimously and vociferously impor-
tuned to address the house. Being the
district teacher, IL i'll became me to sill
like wooden man with no response
Nor was 1t polite to refute the claims
of the Hon. % j r. While
arising decided to make but a few in.
definite remarks, and lay the brevity
of my address on the freshness of my
membership-having been initiated JUS
at that meeting.
But-alas! THE best laid plans o.
mice and men gang aft aglee" Having
fairly launched forth, prudence desert
ed; nor did l realize the status quo"
was placed until calculating the tariff
question by representing my RICH
hand as Europe. my left America, anC
a Webster's blue-back spelling bool
passed from hand to hand as com
merce between the two nations.
But as an engineman when he see
ahead-too late to stop-a burning
bridge-he opens wide the throttle ant
leaps at the flame in sheer desperation
So come what may, recession being on
of the Observation-Disclosures l proceeded
TO explain that goods imported b!
America must be inspected by Ameri
cas- custom officers and duties collected
by the same before said goods wer
marketable in America. This tax. o
duty, was commonly called tariff
Furthermore, that the power which
created this tax was the only agenc,
that could diminish or increase it, AnC
in this instance. as the congress of tn
United States was that power. / mus
say. with all due respect for the gra,
hairs and venerable age Of the ''candi
date" who proposed 10 reconstruct fed
eral laws through state legislation
that he was either making them out |
set of ungodly blockheads or an ass o
HIMSELF know not which.
To make a long story short. / pro
posed Ito put up or shut up" If Their
existed the bare possibility Of truth i
his assertions. / offered to forfeit m
salary s45 per month"; TO the district
provided. he would forfeit S25 to tn
same If there did not exist said posi-
bility.
The confusion OF tongues at the tow
er of Babel could have produced n