Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-02-10
JUST FOR FUN.

not of a ship, but from the cashiers
office of a bank
The man who wants to find fault
doesn't usually have to spend great
deal of time looking for it.
''Whom did Mrs Desmond ask to
her house party?" "All her intimate
enemies and some of her friends"
Little boy to his mother, after ma
ternal discipline: Ma, Pm afraid we
made great mistake in marrying pa.
Teacher-Now, Tommy, tell US what
the index finger is. Tommy-Yes'm 4;
it's that 'un you lick when you turn
over tn pages.
George-You would marry the big
gest fool in the world if he asked you
to, wouldn't you? Ethel-Oh, George,
this is so sudden.
Andy Smart = Say, papa, are the
things that Congressman say appro-
priate?" Old Smart appropriate is
about all they do say.
Spanish General Why did you let
the rebels defeat your" Colonel 4
couldn't help it, General; they got to
the telegraph office first"
"There is nothing like our House of
Lords" boosted the Englishman.
"Still, you can't say that it is without
a peer" replied the American.
81 thought there was an engage
ment between you and Miss Gruff?"
''Wen, some folks refer to it that
way. call it battle myself"
Mrs. Waggles-- Doesn't your hus-
band suffer dreadfully with rheuma
tism? Mrs. Waggles- Yes; but it's
nothing to what the rest Of us have to
endure.
He Did you notice how rapidly
that plant leaves? She-It has always
been one of my pet theories that
plants have more than human intel
ligence.
"Does your papa get much prac-
tice?" asked the visitor of the DOCTORS
seven year old son. ooh, he don't
have to practice any more. He knows
how now"
In one day recently Emperor Will
liam Of Germany wrote song, paint
ed picture, designed fort, and lost
his temper. 1t was a dull day with
him, too.
Rector-You see things in differ
ent light since you were married, do
you not? Mrs. Newell ought to.
There we're fifteen lamps among our
wedding presents.
Sweet Girl-Do you enjoy taking me
to church? Lover = Not SO much as
riding with you in a street car. Good
ness! Why? The sexton never calls
"Sit closer, please"
A week before Christmas little Mar
jory said to mamma: "Won't you
please hide Baby Bess till Christmas,
'cause Pm maxim her a present, and
Pm afraid she'll see it.'
Mrs. Henry Peck-Bah! I only mar
ried you because pitied you, when
nobody else thought anything about
you! Henry Peck wearily)-Ah, well,
my dear, everybody pities me now!
Here is another Sunday school text,
a revised version, as recited by little
girl in the immediate vicinity of Bos
ton: "Her ways are ways of pleasant
ness, and all her pants are pieced!"
Brown-You look as if you had the
blues. Robinson So I have. I've
lost my beautiful silk umbrella. Where
did you leave it? I didn't leave it any
where. The owner met me on the
street and took it from me.
She's refused to marry me, said the
lover despondently. Do you suppose
she really means what she says?
don't know, replied the woman hater
promptly, but I wouldn't take any
more chances if were you.
The verger of st. Mary's Oxford, on
being congratulated by his rector for
his constant attendance to duty, said,
ST have heard every sermon that has
been preached from this pulpit for fif-
ty years; and, thank God, I am
Christian still.''
"I'm goin' to tell my pa on you,"
said Johnny Smithers, as the black
smith pared some of the bone away
from the horses hoof. "Why? What
have I done?' asked the blacksmith.
''You amt got shoes to fit Dobbin, so
you're whittlin' off his feet to suit
those you have got.''
"Mamma, do you like stories?" 81
like true ones, my child" "Shall I tell
YOU a true one?" eyes" "But you