Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1896-09-02


OOO,O0 bushels of wheat this season.
p@- Old age gives good advice when
it is no longer able to give bad ex-
ample.
s@- The greatest length of England
and Scotland, north and south, is about
60S miles.
b~ How much you read is of less
consequence than how much you think
about what you have read.
I8 Glass was early discovered.
Glass beads have been found on num-
mics over 5000 years old.
b% He that waits for an opportunity
to do much at once may breathe out
his life in idle wishes, and regret, in
the last, bis useless intentions and
barren zeal.
s6 For the relief of intense itching,
The Lancet recommends sponging the
parts once or twice day with pure
rectifed spirits, containing 1 per cent.
of carbolic acid.
p@ Police Judge-State how the
trouble originated. .Accused-We wus
holdin' debatin' society, said I had
the floor, and he called me liar.
"What followed ?" "From that time
until we were arrested we both had
the floor"
p6 An austere looking lady walked
into furrier's recently and said to the
yellow-headed clerk ~ would like to
get a muff." "What fur2" demanded
the clerk. "To keep my hands warm
you simpering idiotl" exclaimed the
lady. -
p& God makes the Yankee by tax
ing and Irishman with his wit, a Ger
man with his thoughtfulness, and Eng
lishman with his courage and tenacity,
and Scotchman with his frugality !;
by combining them he has a Yankee
with the virtues of all.
s@ A gentleman from Indiana re-
Gently registered in an Illinois hotel,
and looked at the printed notice in
his bedroom: "Please do not blow
out the gas" The occupant of the
adjoining room heard him remark !:
~ pay my money, and am going to
blow out the gas if I want to.
S6T "How are you and your wife
cummin' on ?" asked a West Point
man of a colored man. "She has run
me off boss. I gave her a splendid
white silk dress, an den she got so
proud she had no use for me. She
lowed I was too dark to match de
dress"
. pW- A fellow in an oblivious state,
took up his lodgings on the sidewalk.
He woke the next morning, and,
Strengthening himself, looked at the
ground on which he had made his
couch. "Well," said he, eff I had a
pickaxe I would make up my bed"
s@ "You're looking badly, Mr.. El-
lis. Why not try the hot water cure ?
Dio Lewis says it will cure every COM
plaint." "That shows how little he
knows, then" "But you haven't
tried it." "Oh, I haven't, eh? I've
been in hot water ever since married
and I amt getting no better very
FAST"
p@ A lady of this town, says the
Middleton Enterprise, recently set a
pot of cream in spring near the
house, so that it might keep cool.
During the night a frog fell into the
cream pot, and in his struggles to get
out actually churned the cream, so
that when the lady visited the pot the
next morning she found the frog sit
ting on ball of butter, washing his feet
in the buttermilk.
p6 "May I have the pleasure of ac-
companying you on the straw-ride,
Miss Greene ?" said the young man,
"your mother is going to
chaperon the party" She hesitated
minute before answering. "Don't you
think" she replied, at length, "that if
mamma is going as chaperon it would
be much nicer to sit on the front piazza
while mamma is away?"
p8- A man, whom the circumstances
of travelling caused to sit in the same
seat with a young lady who was unu-
sually friendly for stranger, said, as
he was leaving the car: II thank you
for a very pleasant chat, but I am
afraid you would not have been so kind
to me had you known am a married
man." "You haven't any advantage
of me-" promptly responded the young
lady ;"I am an escaped lunatic." And
so, as it turned out, she really was.
n@ Some careful experiments which
have been made in England prove
that the life of locomotive is about
100000 "train miles" In other words
that a locomotive of the latest approved
pattern will run 100000 miles before
wearing out 80 as to be useless. In
making this run of half million miles
the fire box will have to be renewed
three times, the wheel tires five or six
times, and the crank axles from three
to five times.
pd- A Nebraska church congregation
picked out wife for their beloved
pastor, "to save him that trouble"
When he explained to them that he
did not regard such a task as any
trouble at all, and that he had already
been engaged in that pleasant duty
for some time, certain members of the
congregation became angry and de-
manded his resignation. Some clergy
men are so very unreasonable and un-
grateful! They don't appreciate the
efforts of the congregations in their
behalf.
s@ Five years ago so many thous-
and patents had been granted for BIZ
cycles. that it seemed as though inge-