Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1896-06-17

"NO; | slept at home"
Il allus do" said the detected vagabond
behind the bars. 'That's how got here"
eyes" said the cornfed philosopher, lit
is not so difficult to get something for moth
ing bnt when one gets it it is not worth the
price"
Fuddy (hesitating to put his umbrella in
the rack Isn't there danger of somebody
taking the wrong umbrella by mistake?
buddy Wrong umbrellas are never ia
ken by mistake.
Mother hear that the Lieutenant had
the impudence to kiss you at the station
What did yQH do?
Daughter-Oh kissed him, too, so as
to make people think we were relatives.
His Wife-Your late hours and your
drinking habits are enough to try the pa
thence of the Angel Gabriel
Mr.. Sagway-Gabriel wouldn't mind it at
all He's something Of a tooter himself
every experience Of your life, my
friend. said the solemn faced visitor at the
| iail, SIS for YOU 10 make ihe right use Of it.
litter no c6."nlaint Bear your punish
ment in silence. Take things as You find
them"
Allow did your daughter pass her ex-
animation for position as teacher?
B-Pass She didn't pass at all. Maybe
you won't believe It, but they asked that
poor girl about things that happened before
she was born
She was Warm.-"Darling," said Mr.. Nc
Bride, solicitously. Il am afraid you are not
dressed warmly enough"
"Do l look stylish, dear?" asked his wife.
eyes perfectly stunning"
"Then am very comfortable, thank YOU"
A better Arrange ment.-Huggins-Hello
Nissan, had your hair cut?
Kissam-Yes, dear boy. found place
where they cut your hair while you wait.
Huggins-That's good \ barber shop Is
usually place where they cut some other
mans hair while YOU wait.
Gust as you came in, MFBukape, remark
ed the deacon, "we were discussing which
were the more heinous, sins of omission or
sins Of commission. What is your opinion ?"
"My experience as a creditor Of numerous
individuals, " replied Mr.. Dukane, 1eads me
to regard sins Of owe-missiqp as decidedly
the worst Of the two"
Her Constant Habit-Herbert (ashy
pale Then all Is over between US
Amelia with great gentieHe-s)-Qes,
Herbert. But with your permission, and in
memory of the many pleasant hours wehaye
spent together, l will retain the ring you
gave me- Such has been my custom. Be-
sides, need ii to complete collection.
noted duele-s v..s introduced to Colonel
A.
Noted Dueli't-Happy to make your ac-
quantance, sir.
4 moment latef, beirg very much puz
lied, hc says to himself.
by iove, didn't kill that fellow some
where in a duel?'
An Excellent Home Motlo.-Woman lin
book store want motto Of some kind to
hang up in my parlor.
Clerk-Yes madam How docs God |
bless our home strike you?
Mad2m-Old fashioned, aintit?
Clerk-1t is a tri6e cid fashioned Well,
there's Thrice is he armed that hath his
quarrel just"
One day while NIillais was engaged in
painting his famous picture, Chill Octo
ber," among the reeds and rusbes on the
bank, % tho Tay. near Perth, voice came
from over the hedge MAJ did We never
try photography ?" NO. neycs," 4ephed
NIlIais, painting slowly. A pause cts a
hantle quicker" said the voice. "l-e es, I
suppose so Another pause. The final
thrust was can its MAR likcr the place
"how mliaaiops some of these proverbs
are, remarked the s4gasiogs man. Take
for example that one about ihere pling goth
ing new under the sun"
Is there anything really new ?" said his
wife.
"Of course, there is. Don't you read the
papers Don't these X rays enable you to
lake a man and see .ight through him ?"
"Yes, William, DEAR" she answered gent
". But any woman could do that before
Y rays were even thought Of"
A whist player in Chicago who considered
himself great authority wrote a book on
he subject and sent it to famoaz Milwau-
See player for his opinion of it, In about a
week the book was returned to him, with
he following letter;
"My Dear Sir-Your favor of the - in
tant, accompanied by your book, was duly
eceiyed. have read it very carefully, 1t
Gems to be very good game, but don't
hink it is as good a game as whist. Sin
erely yours. -."
A rural visitor at Fourth-ayeaue sesiau-
ant the other day had his first experience
18th watiles. He had stumbled upon them