davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
How Gar Nicholas Proposed,

Russians are very fond OF telling
the story of en- answer given to the
Emperor when His Majesty proposed
to his future wife. "The Emperor,
my father, has commanded me to
make you the offer of my baud and
heart" was the Czarowltz's quaint
way of putting it. "And my grand
mother, the Queen" replied the lady,
s'has commanded ne to accept the of.
fer of your hand; your heart I will
take myself" 1t is said on good au-
thority the Emperor is passionatcly
devoted to his wife, and that sue is
equally fond of him.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
Hitching the Bicycle.

A new bicycle kink has developed.
A rider stopped in front of a store
and, after he had ~dismounted, hetook
a heavy weight that was hooked just
behind the seat, and attached it to a
chain which he took from his pocket.
He fastened the chain and weight to
the bicycle, and, apparently satisfied
that it was now quite safe, he went in
to the store.--New York World.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
sStewi'"

The superintendent was in the high.
est glee. He showed the applicant
another card, which bore the legend:
"Fiftieth street. Change here for
F~ifty-eighth street. This is a Harlem
trs;ni"
The applicant pulled himself to-
gether and shouted:
"Ecec. Jeer tay see. h1rane!"
"My boy" said the superintendent,
laying his hand on the young mans
shoulder, "you have q bright future
before you. Your salary will be $50 3
day."-Truth.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
DISCUSSION.

"What do you wear such ill-ftting
clothes for?" asked the bright young
mo in the natty summer suit, of the
elderly person in hand-me-downs.
"To car 3 my money in" was the
reply of tie elderly person., and the
young NAH began to talk in another
Observation-Disclosures Ed4uirer.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound

Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
Will cure the worst forms of female
complaints, all ovarian troubles, in.
fammation and u1ceraGlon, falling and
d~isplacements Of the womb, and conse-
auent spinal weakness, ard is pecu-
liarly adapted to the change OF life.
Every time it will cure Backache.
It has cured more cases OF leucor-
rhoa by removing the cause, than any
remedy the world has ever known; 1T
is almost infaIlible in such cases. 1t
dissolves and expels tumors from the
uterus in an early stage OF develop
ment, and checks any tendency to can
cerous humors. Lydia e. Pinkham's
Liver Pills work in unison with the
Compound, and are a sure cure Tor
constipation and sick headache. Mrs:
Pinkham's Sanative Wash is OF great
value for local application.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
7

Watts-"How is politics up your
wayP"
Potts-"At the house we are on a
trimetallic basis. My wife leans
toward silver, l favor gold, and the
hired girl is dead in love with the
copper."-1ndianapolisJ Journal.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
AFTER BETTER SPORT.

He-"Noodles tells me that when
walking with him last night you were
fishing for compliments"
She-"Poor Noodles; I'm too old a
hand to fish in shallow waters. DE.
troit Free Press.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
LEADING A DOUBLE LIFE.

"Did you know Popperton is lead
ing a double life nowadays?"
"No. You don't tell mel"
"Fact. Only yesterday l saw him
out walking with his :wins."-I'ruth.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
WHY, OF coUR'E.

"How," demandesrthe advocate of
equal sufrIsniApassionately, care
women to be induced to stop and re-
Aect?"
"Put up mirrors"
They searched for him who had
spoken, but found him not, nor knew
they aught of him except that he must
be a supporter Of the ancient regime
and an observer of human nature
Detroit Tribune.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
TOKENS.

"There has been another big fight,
remarked the Spanish officer.
"How do you know?"
Generals got ink On his fingers.
Washington Star.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
IT WOULD COST AT LEAST FIVE.

Shot, have often wished I were a
man. Now, you have a good time; I
wish / were you'll"
He-*I know somebody who will
make us one."-Puck.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
THE ONLY SUBSTITUTE.

RESPONSIBILITIES arc you sending
all those arm chairs?"
Dealer-''To q summer hotel by the
seashore. The girls there ore bound
to have 'em."
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.

Our Boyl1Suited Him Exactly
Trimotallic-Ihe Only Substitute
After Better Sport-Einal-
cial Discussion, ETC., Etc.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

There Is more Catarrh In this section Of tie
country than all other Gi+eases put together,
ana until the last few years was supposed ole
pronounced it a local disease and prescribed
local remedies, and by constantly failing 10
cure with local treatment, pronounced it in
durable. Science has proven cataIrh to be a
constitutions! disease and therefore requires
constitutional treatment. Halls Catarrk Cure,
manufactured by FL. Cheney d Co., Toledo.
OHIO, is the only constitutional cure on the mar
keS 1t is taken in ternalIy in doses from 10 drops
to 9 teaspoonful. 1t acts directly on The blood
and mucous surfaces Of the system. They offer
one hundred dollars for any case it fails to
cure. Send for circulars and testimonials.
Address F. J. CntNEY & Co, Toledo, Q.
Sold by Druggists, 75e.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

If Dobbins' Electric Soap ia what so many
insist that it is, you can nGt GEOri to go with.
out it. Your grocer has it, or can get it, and
you can decide for yourself very soon. DON'T
let another Monday lass without tryins it.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
Gludness Comes

With a better understanding of the
w transient nature of the many phys
zeal ills which vanish before proper ef-
forts-gentlc efforts--pleasant% efforts
rightly die sted. There is comfort in
the knowtd re that SO many forms Of
sickness Yrenot due to any actual dis.
ease, butS4si1. ply to a constipated condi-
ton of tile s,sten., hitch the pleasant
family latatf. a,rSyrLpof Figs, prompt
ly remove That is why it is the only
remedy w4th millions Of families. andis
everywhere esyAetncd SO highly by all
who value good health. It's beneficial
effects are due to the fact, that it is the
one remedy which promotes internal
cleanliness, without facilitating the
organs on which it acts. tits therefore
all important, in order to get its bene-
fetal effects, to note when yen pur-
chase, thatyou have the genuine article.
which is manufactured blythe Calitornla
Fig Syrup Co. only, and sold by all rep"
utable druggists.
II in the enjoyment Of good health,
and the system is regular, then y
If afflicted with ny actual disease. one
may be commeMaed tothc most skIlitul
physicians. bsnff in need of a laxatlFe,
then one Sit Sid have the best, aud with
the well.is@1raedc everywhere, Syrupor
Figs stands his ',est and IS most largely
used and givesne5t general satisfaction.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

Mrs, Winsiow's Soothing Syrup for children
teething. softensthe gums, reduces inlamIna-
I on, allays pain, cures wind collie. Csc. a bottle.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

If you want to please your friend gel
through talking SO he ear begin.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

Which is the best government? That which
teaches self-government.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
SUITED HIM EXACTLY,

Husband-"How do you like the
view?"
Wife with ecstasy)-"Oh, 1 am
speechless!"
Husband-"Well, if. that be so l
think We had better stay here fer a
while. Judge.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

FITSstopped free and permarentiycurel. No
fits after first days use OF DIR. KTlHE'S GREAT
NERyEREsToREl. Free 81 trial bntt:eand treat
Use. Scnd to DR.. Kline. 95i Arch ST., Phila., Pa.
After physicians had given me up, l wa.
saved by Piso's Cure.-RALPL ERIEG, VII
Transport, Pa. Nov. 20, 1885.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19
A Singular Form Of MOnGnan'a l..

There is a class of pope, rational enoughin
other respects, who are certainly monomani-
acs in dosing themselves. They are constantly
trying experiments upon their stomachs, their
bowels. their livers and Their kidneys with
trashy nostrums. When these or-ans are
really out of order, if they would only use
HosSetter's Stomach i tt r. they would, if
not Lopelessly insane. perceive superiority.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

us q WISE Child mat Knows IT'S owl
father"
But, in view of the way things are done,
The wise one would seem 10 be rather
The father who's "onto" his SOB.
Truth.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

1896
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

Prosperity doth best discover vice; but
adversely doth best discover virtue.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

your Druggist don't
keep JEfTERiN
send so cents in cash
or stamps for a box
to-
j. T. ~SHUPTRlNE n,
Savannah, Ga.
ItCurss all skin Diseases.
The Opelousas courier., 1896-12-19

nniItas and WHISKY habits cured. Book sent
III M FREE. DIR. b M. w Osiiey,Atianfa, Ga
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
RARE COLUMBIAN QUARTERS.

The Columbian quarter dollar is al
ready worth $50. \ decade hence a
specimen of this coin is likely to fetch
SO. These pieces must rise in value be-
cause only 40, 600 of them We're struck.
These are not very many to go around
among 10000, 900 people. Many of those
who possess them will hide them away,
lose them bake bangles of them, and in
other ways dispose of them, so that a
few years hence only $4,000 of them viii
be in existence, perhaps. They are in
teresting for several reasons. For one
thing, they are the only coins ever
struck or likely to be struck in this
country bearing a crowned head. On
the diverse is the portrait of Queen
Isabella. This, too, is the only distinct
lively woman's coin ever issued. On the
reverse it bears the inscription, Board
of Lady Managers" The Columbian
half dollar will never be rare; they
were struck by millions. The half dol
lar of 1893 is worth only it's face value
today, while that of 1892 is rare and
will fetch rs cents.
IT is an odd fact that the gold coins
of the United States up to 1885 had no
values marked on them; their denomf-
nations were only distinguishable by
Jn6lF size.
In December last a copper cent of
1923 was sold at auction in Philadel-
phia for $780, At the same sale a cop
per half cent of 1896 was disposed of
for $500. Both were in beautiful con-
dition, almost as if fresh minted. Cents
and half cents of the same issues may
be purchased for 25 cents apiece in poor
condition. Recently a paragraph has
been going the rounds of the newspa-
pers describing priceless coin worn as
a scarf pin by Postmaster General Will
son. 1t is gold slater of Philip of
Macedon, father of Alexander the Great.
Philip was the first man who ever put
his own effigy on a coin. This piece is
worth about Sc intrinsically. 1t is not
very precious, however, from the col
lector's point of view. A specimen in
first rate condition may be bought for
$15.-Brooklyn Citizen.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
The 4Autocrat,, hears a Preache,

heard this notorious preacher (Irv-
ing) the other Sunday. He is black,
savage, saturnine, long haired Scotch
man, with most Tyburn looking squint
TO him. He said nothing remarkable
that remember, and l should suppose
owes much of his reputation to voice
of great force and compass, which he
managed nearly as we'll as Macready.
The charlatan he most resembles is Mr..
-, whose yell is, however, instinct
with a prOfounder expression of vulgar
ity and insolence. Mr.. Irving and his
flock have given up the unknown tongue
and oonfine themselves to rolling up
their eyes so as to show the whites in a
formidable manner. would ask for no
better picture than has been presented
by these poor enthusiasts, drunk with
their celestial influences and bahbling
paltry inanities Life of Oliver Wen
dell Holmes. -
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
BENIGN TORNADOES.
One Delivered a House to a Mortgagee
and Another Made Dog Salable.

One Delivered a House to q Mortgage
and Another Made a Dog SaIable.
''And, talking about cyclones, said
| the man from Kansas, them air twist
ers is mighty queer things.
The smart young man who sat beside
the Kansan threw away his cigarette,
and even the gripman looked interested.
'You have seen a tornado, then?'
said the smart young man with ANNA
ton.
''Seen 'em?'' said the farmer scorn-
fully. why, young Teller, 4 comes
from Kansas. -
"Ohp' said the smart young man. A
little later he ventured to remark,
''Had lots of experience with cyclones,
suppose.
Experience? Nav. you don't get no
experience dealing with cyclones, >" said
the man from Kansas, cause them
twisters never do the same thing twice.
You Just learn to dig out for the cellar
when you see 'em comm. "
''They do all sorts of queer things. 1
SUPPOSED said the gripman, as he start
ed the train with a sudden bound that
jostled the smart young mans hat over
his eyes.
Zone of 'em done me good turn
once" said the man from Kansas med
itatively. "Boot and Nit Glover own
the next farm to mine out in Pawnee
county, and their crops kept a-failing,
and they kept a-borrowing money off Of
me till they had their house mortgaged
clean up to the roof 1t looked like my
money was a goner, for they kept on
losing their corn crop every, year and l
couldn't get the house cause they had
a shotgun waiting for me in the kitchen.
Well, one day long comes one of these
roaring cyclones, and blessed if it didn' t
blow that whole house over into my
pasture-yes, sir, and dropped the roof
down on the foundations just as neat as
you could have laid it. Looked as if the
house had just sunk out of sight. But
then didn't have a mortgage on the
roof, so didn't care about that. -
Reminds me of story of brother
of mine out in Ioway," said the man
on the step. Had a fine setter dog
best hunter in the state. Ny brother
couldn't shoot, so he wanted to sell
him. But he couldn't, cause the dog
had twist in his tail like a pig. Cy-
clone caught that dog out in the buck
wheat patch one day and just nacherally
ironed out that tail like a broomstick.
He sold the dog for $50 the next week. -
Chicago Tribune
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31

proven by her keeping intact during the
rather rough experience of the past two
days off Diamond Head
The Gainsborough has been mostly a
troop and coolie ship. For the last
twelve years she has confined her en-
ergies to the wool trade in Australia.
During her career she has had no ac-
cident whatever until the one Saturday
morning.
Captain McPhail has been master of
the vessel since January, 1884, and has
since that time acquired the largest in
terest in her.
He will leave Honolulu by the first
steamer to San Francisco, where the
agents for the cargo of coal, F. Lund &
Co, are located. After this he will go
with his family direct to London, where
all his interests are at present.
The police department has boat
with two officers in it on duty near the
vessel, to see that no one molests her
or her cargo in any way whatsoever.
Marcus R. Colburn has a salvage
claim against the bark Gainsborough,
and also against the Attorney General,
he having boarded the said vessel and
taken possession after the captain and
crew had abandoned her, and also hav-
ing retained possession until the arrival
of the police boat during the night, at
which time his men were told to vacate.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31

Colonies to quote, but they refused oW-
ing to the fact that the bark Coromandl
became a total wreck in Westport just
at about that time, and l was finally
compelled to leave without insurance"
mo further attempt will be made on
my part to get the vessel off, as such a
proceeding would cost more than she
is worth To attempt to take the cargo
off would also be foolishness, as it is
not worth very much"
When the Gainsborough was seen
yesterday afternoon she was humping
very heavily, and appeared just as she
did when she went on.
At about $50 a. m. the tugboat ap-
preached the vessel. The waves were
very high and no attempt was made to
board her.
The Gainsborough is an iron bark
built in London in 1866. Her dimensions
are as follows: Length over all, 230
feet; beam, 31.4 feet; depth, 20.4. Her
gross tonnage is 1,039, and her net ton
mage ga. She is strong and able to
stand a great deal, which fact has been
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
FRIENDSHIP AND THE NURSE.
Why Two Neighbors Are Not on Very Good
Terms With Each other.

Why Two Neighbors Are Not on Very Good
Terms With Each Other.
Hattie and you do not seem to be
friends any more,'' said the short, thin
woman as she paid the fare.
''Well, no, we are not, % replied the
tall, stout woman, slipping her dime
back in her pocketbook. You know the
nurse she thought so much of came to
live with me last winter. F"
"Why, how did that happen?" asked
the short, thin woman.
"M-well, l suppose it was because
she heard me say that paid my nurse
80 cents more a week than Hattie did
and that wanted one at the time. Of
course / didn't say that to her, you
know, but she heard me. Maybe I men
toned, too, that 1 give my nurse three
evenings out week Girls will be girls,
you know, and my husband can look
after the children on those evenings as
we'll as she can. -
Z" NJ Inn. 1t keeps man from finding
fault with his wife's management, too,
if he's kept busy while he's at home.
Eyes, and I've noticed that by the
time they are in bed he's too tired to
think of going out. Well, as was say
ing, that girl came TO me the very next
week Oh, and the stories she told me
about Hattie, even TO the things she had
said about me, you'd scarcely believe.
The girl couldn't seem to remember any
of them at first, but after I'd logged her
memory she told me lots. Hattie want
ed to quarrel with me, could see that
but she didn't quite dare. She knew
how much that girl knew. Besides, 1
was as sweet as honey to her every time
we met.
''Then how comes it that you are not
friends now?''
'Oh, didn't tell you? The girl went
back to her after a while. -
''Oh,' said the short, thin woman. -
Chicago Times Herald.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
Miss Susanna r. Patch,
TEACHER OF VOCAL AND INSTRUMENTAL AUSICl

Recommended by Mr.. Francis Stu
art of San Francisco; certified pupil of
the elder Lamputi
Residence at Mrs. E. Wallis, Bere-
tania street. 4392-3t
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31

A Model Plant is not complete with.
out Electric Power, thus dispensing
with small engines.
Why not generate your power from
one CENTRAL Station? One gener-
ator can furnish power to your Pump,
Centrifugals, Elevators, Plows, Rail-
ways and HOSTS; also furnish light
and power for a radius of from Is to 2e
miles.
Electric power being used saves the
labor of hauling coal in your field, also
water, and does away with high-priced
engineers, and only have one engine to
look after in your mill.
Where water power is available ii
costs nothing to generate Electric
Power.
THE HAWAIIAN ELECTRIC COM
PANY is now ready to furnish Electric
Plants and Generators of all descrip-
tons at short notice, and also has or
hand large stock of Wire, Chandel-
iers ana Electrical Goods.
All orders will be given prompt at
tention, and estimates furnished for
Lighting and Power Plants; also at
tention is given to House and Marine
Wiring.
THEO. HOFFMAN, Manager.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
lndurlne.
COLD WATER PAINT
Especially Designed for ihsiAe
work on Factories ana
Public Buildings

1t is a dry powder which can be pre-
pared for use by simply stirring in
COLD WATER, and can be applied by
anyone, and will always produce COOS
work.
1t is VERY WHITE, extremely re-
Elective and hardens on a wall like
stone. and will take any tint.
1t will last for years and is unaffectee
by gases.
One coat covers better than two coats
of oil paint or whitewash.
1t can be used on any surface and fer
all classes of work. even for the finest
decorating.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
The Fatal Horse and WAGON.

If the statistics of accidents could be
collected, it would in all probability be
shown that the most dangerous way OF
travelling is with horse and wagon. We
believe there is authority for stating that
in proportion 10 the numbers of people
travelling in various conveyances horses
and wagons kill more people than steam
boats or railroads or trolley cars or BIZ
cycles. -Poughkeepsie Eagle.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31

Statistics show that with the excep-
ton of Japan, there are more divorces
in the United States than in any other
civilized part of the world.
A powerful argument in favor of in
ternational arbitration was advanced
by Sir John Lubbock. One-third of Eng
lands national income, he declared, is
spent in paying for past wars, and one
third in preparing for future wars, SO
that only third is left for the govern
ment of the country.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31

An evidence of the striking uniform
ity of size among the japanese is found
in the fact that recent measurements
taken of an infantry regiment show no
variation exceeding two inches in height
or 20 pounds in weight
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31
italian Shepherds.

As TO their moral and intellectual
characteristics, these vary not only &C
cording to their native district, but also
according to their social station. Be
tween the prosperous shcnherds from the
mountains of Pistoja, oued with the
proverbial courtesy of the Tuscan, speak
ing the purest Italian, acute, Intelligent,
a fluent story teller, and often an extern
pore poetizer, down to the wretchedly
Door, brutaliZed peasant from the RO-
magma, clad from head to foot in filthy
sheepskins, and who, with difficulty,
keeps body and soul together with the
proceeds of his small flock of half
starved sheep. whose only pasture is on
the pathways and byways or furtively
cropped from forbidden ground, be-
tween such two extremes the gradatlonS
are numberless, but notwithstanding
certain traits of character are common
to all Common to all is the life they
lead, solitary and wandering, now ON
the lonely heights of the Apennines,
now onfhe still IOnelier plains of the
Maremma They are hardly ever seen
even in the larger villages, and 1t Is
only from some lofty hilltop that they
have a distant glimpse OF the towns,
those modern Babylons, on which they
gaze with mixed feelings of curiosity
and aversion.
Always alone, they necessarily be-
come taciturn, and, therefore, medita-
tive Their life out of doors, without
manual labor or fixed application, leads
them to apply their minds TO study the
phenomena of nature, the habits of an
imals, the properties of plants or the
course of the stars. The necessities OF
their nomadic existenoes teach them TO
apply this knowledge, and they become
terrible poachers, clever veterinarians,
tanners, h6rbalists, basket makers,
stocking knitters, sometimes excellent
joiners and shoemakers. Good Words
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1896-08-31

Since 1873 there have been nine cpl
denies of dysentery in different parts
of the country in which Chamberlain s
Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy
was used with perfect success. Dyson
terry, when epidemic, is almost as Sc
we're and dangerous as Asiatic cholera.
Heretofore the best efforts of the most
skilled physicians have failed to check
its ravages; this remedy, however, has
cured the most malignant cases, both
of children and adults, and under the
most trying conditions, which proves
it to be the best medicine IN the world
for bowel complaints. For sale by all
druggists and dealers. Benson, Smith
& Co, Agents for H. 1.