Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-03-11
The Hon. Bill Green
Tells Just How it Was.
To tha Editor of the Register.


To tbs Editor of the Register
Pumkinsville, w. Va, March my
long spell OF sickness is just coming 10
an end, hope. Anyhow the doctor has
given me leave Of absence from the
room enc hour in the morning and one
hour in the afternoon for exercise, but
l will exercise differently from that eX-
pected by the doctor, by taking up my
old trade. for which my parents have
spent so much money in advancing me
TO, that of a -compos5r-and l
think | can make myself popular again,
as where one was, before my sickness.
am now only sweet 70 years, 3
months. Is days etc. old; still simple,
with bright prospects Of remaining
such | have always been q staunch
Republican and that is why ] never got
married. Was engaged TO a sweet girl
Cnce; she was a Democrat and because
l was a Republican she would not have
me. l was good looking q am yej) md
/ said l never would get married # l
could not get that girl and l would not
change my politics. for Mr.. Elkins
promised me a position, and what to do
l did no know. So | came 10 the-cOn-
clusion to stay single andNge to be a
Congressman and help our old soldiers
as we'll as myself.
l was talking tOMr Elkins long be-
fore last election, concerning my race
for Congress in the Second district. but
to my establishment the position had
been rendered Mr. Dayton, and | was
too late. So YOU see. brother Republi-
cans had l been just sooner you would
have been represented in Congress by
the Hon. Bill Green instead o. Mr. A.
G. Dayton. OF course I knew ell the
political situation, that all of the devil
ment had been played by the Republi
clns, but we seemed TO be a chosen one,
that the devil was On our side, and we
succeeded in putting the devil into some
of the fool Democrats that they would
NOT vote. so had everything our way
and elected Mr.. Dayton by a big vote,
not so much, though. as l would have
polled, from the fact that l am more
widely known.
So failing 10 be in time, I clinched
the opportunity by the throat 0ike
man would a turkey he had stolen and
asked Mr.. Elkins what my chances
would be for the next nomination in
90. He said I should have IL. and that
| would be elected, faithfully pTOmis
ing me all the money that would be
necessary to carry on a campaign; but
that | had 70 sign a contract (private
and confdentially TO them), also give
bond of 100000 not to make the least
variations from their dictations. which
should be given to me to memorize.
They read as follows:
First-You shall have no other but
S. B. Elkins to dictate to you.
Secold-You shall do just as he says.
Third-YCu shall vote for everything
that makes us money.
F0urth-YOu shall vote against every
thing that don't make us money.
Fifth (ald be sure YOU dO)-WOrk for
the interest of all our money men TO
create a tariff that will give us $50 per
cent. on our coal per ton and that
will pay our slaves that dig coal -
cents per ton, and that the duty On wool
will be 100 per cent. and all other things
in like proportion, for we. the money
men of America, which are about 5000
in numbers, want all the money and
the balance Of 65,OOO,O0O people TO be
our slaves. BY so doing you will help
our industries and combinations.
Of course you see that this is a very
hard oath to take. especially by a man
with the reputation of honesty as I
have. and you can imagine my feelings.
But as it was the word of Lord Elkins
il was necessary for me to submit. l
did. with the hope of being in the near
future one among those 5000 million
aires.
Dent understand me to say now that
have this cath, but the effect was so
great that I can see it word for word
Imaginary.
Neither did l ask Mr. Elkins to give
me any explanation, for ] was afraid heI
would consider me dull in understand
ing and turn me away with the un-
clean. But it's very plain and shows
fully the object Of the Republicans.
which has grown like hound pup. and
has more followers than Christ has.
Now the one great thing that was
puzzler. II was easy to take this oath,
but where was my bondsman to come
from? I knew l was a very popular
man, so l asked Mr. Elkins if he would
serve on my bond. He said it was not
customary, but ne would cut my bond
down to $4,000 if l would support mis-
efforts for the L. S. Senate
Well that cut quite a figure, reduc-
ton OF S15O,OOO for my support 10 his
efforts. and Of course I took him up az
his bargain and thought I had gained
something. So I being fully satisfied
for the time being shook hands with
Mr.. Elkins, bade him God speed and
started hOmeward to find my other $50,
600 bondsman.
I viii now let loose of being a writer
and grasp the elegant opportunity Of
becoming a Congr5 Ssman. IS can best
serve the people by so doing. However.
l Will keep YOU posted as 10 my success
as a Republican candidate.
Yours respectfully.
HON. BILL GREEN
P. 81 will tell you OF my disap-
pointment next time.