River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1896-08-06
A Novel Skvrncket.

ENtIs CAbe anu idllISb III buC Aahu
has sometime in its history produced
a genius whose hay intellect dimly
apprehends the possibility of produc-
ing machine for compelling perpetu-
al motion. And when after years Of
brooding this semi-im beetle has con-
structed pin-wheel that revolves on
its alextree to the delight and be-
wilderment of lunatics his mission is
accomplished and he subsidies into the
night Of obscurity. But he will live
out his allotted days, if the paternal
hand Of the government, the charity
of the thrifty or the poor-house keeps
him from starvation. But the fellow
who ''flies of at a tangent" from the
support of the solid earth, rolls over
the Niagara Falls in a barrel, jumps
over the Falls of the Genesee, or runs
his body down Schultz five hundred
feet, or who rises to the regions beyond
the clouds in gas bag, is very liable
to have his work cut short by running
amuck with the laws of nature. The
lIGdh hliO Idil Ills tlDl4ibN
to swallow dozen jack knives or a
cavalry sword: who viii put the head
of yenomous snake in his mouth,
stick his head between the jaws of a
lion or swallow whale, may at the
imminent risk of his life, proving
himself fool without much Doubt
gain a momentary notoriety and a
sufficient fee to enable him TO exc out
brief misunderstanding accidents,
but what good results from such a
lack of practical wisdom?
4 Michigan man who has outlived
numerous contemporary aeronants of
his younger days, himself having been
engaged in occasional tours of aerial
navigation with no accident that
resulted in his demise, has come to
consider that means of navigating
the skies without the excitement of
extraordinary risk TO life and limb.
He proposes swifter way of "shutlling
off this mortal coil" He has invent
ed and is having constructed in
Chicago a novel sort of machine in
the shape of huge rocket. 1t will
be the largest sky rocket ever manu-
featured and will put the pyrotech-
mics of all the Fourth of jules in the
shade 1t is to be seventy feet long
and will be shot up into the atmosphere
of the circum ambient heavens to the
height of three miles in about as
many seconds leaving a trail of light
behind it more brilliant and pict-
uresque than the tail of Eucke's
comet The inventor of this pyro-
technical novelty will load himself
into the machine and shoot himself
off into space with velocity that will
take his breath. Ascending to the
predetermined altitude and resting
long enough TO catch new breath of
fresh air he will descend TO terra
firma at his leisuTe-if lie can. De-
scend he undoubtedly will. The
genius who wanted TO be an angel
affixed some shingles to his forearms
as wings, assembled to the roof of his
fathers barn and flew off. Being
asked how he liked flying he replied:
1.-The flying was easy enough but it
was darned hard lighting" To the
skyrocket of this Michigdnder is at
tached a parachute that will spread
its great wings when the machine
begins to descend and will let the
human inventor of this spectacular
novelty down to earth floating on air
as light as IA feather-or he may strike
the ground with a sickening thud."