St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1896-01-13

those who pass by and read that inscription
VIII invariably remark: That's Strange
An Englishman who has heard the story es-
says TO repeat it TO his friend.
i heard good one the other night" he
says, "a very good one, indeed. There was a
oarrlster by the name Of-his name was
well, l don't just think OF the name now We
know; outs OF no consequence whatever
You SEE. he was telling his widow-that is
his wife-vhat to do after he died and he
says: / want this Inscription on my monu-
ment: Here lies an honest barrister.''
You'll get the point in moment. It's very
funny. Well, his wife says: How in the
Says he: Well, everybody that reads the in
scription will say That's devilish singu-
lar. -
When DIR. Depew sprung these two stories
on the big gathering Of lawyers they were at
first surprised and bothered. Light quickly
came TO them, however, and they roared so
heartily at the joke they were having on the
doctor that the story teller thought they
were laughing at his production.
HIS jokes USEFUL.
One time man noted a heightened edu-
cateo beat called on Mr.. Depew TO strike
cent did not give the man time TO come to
the point. but started out this way
DID ever tell you about distant rela-
i've or mine? Well, he was noted as a most
wonderful liar, and at matches in California
and other states he easily took the prize
He was painstaking and added the element OF
humor to the uncertainty OF facts which
strucuve. One day he sunstruck and
we were frightened. We feared that when he
recovered his ingenuity as liar would be
gone. But, strange to say. his powers as a
liar were greater than before He told a
story which was down in his repertoire as a
ffteen-minute recitation and embellished il
so II took an hours time. Well. | liked the
establishment exceedingly. and, il you don't
mind will relate IL 10 you"
The heightened beat arose and said haugh-
tily:
Il came up here to talk business, not to
hear an after dinner speech on the afniction
OF a relative. Good-day."
DEPEW AND ELI PERKINS.
Mr.. Depew and Eli Perkins talking
one day about demand and supply Perkins
controlled by the demand and supply.
Not always Eli said MIR. Depew. DE
mand and supply don't always govern prices.
business tact sometimes governs them"
When did an instance ever occur?' asked
Perkins. when the price did not depend up
on demand and supply?"
! stepped up to German butcher and out OF
curiosity, asked What's the price of sau-
sages" 'Dwenty cents a pount.' he said.
You asked twenty-five this morning | re-
minded him. va, dat vas ven | had some.
Now | amt got some sells him for dwenty
cents. Dot makes me a reputation for sell
ing cheap und | don't lose holdings.
You see, | didn't want any sausages and
on 'puewsp GU :6uB sABq l.uplp ugm sql
supply; yet the price of sausages went
down"
Mr., Depew tells story of the visit to this
country of Charles S. Parnell, the famous
Irish leader, some years ago
"One day, said Mr.. Depew not long ago,
i met a soldier mad been wounded in
the face He was a Union man, and asked
him in which battle he had been captured.
HE GOT CARELESS.
In the last battle of Bull Run, SIR he
replied.
q But how could you get hit in the face at
Bull RUM l asked -r
" Well, sir said the man. half apologet-
ically. after had run mile or two l got
careless and looked back "
NO UMBRELLA WITH THE DOG.
Mr.. Depew once unloaded a familiar dog
story on Eli Perkins.
when ! was about IA years old" said the
up at Poughkeepsie. One day, after | had fin
ished a fveacre field of corn my father let
T me go TO town TO see Il circus. When in
town saw for the first time a spotted coach
dog. 1t took my fancy and | bought it and
took it home. When father saw 1t his good
/ old Puritan face fell.
Why, Chauncey,' he said. sadly we
! don't want any spotted dog on the farm
1t would drive the cattle crazy
No, he won't, father | said, he's a
blooded dog
1.-The next day 1t was raining. and | took
the dog out in the woods TO try him on a
coon but the rain was too much for him. It
washed the spots off. That night | took the
dog back to the dog dealer with long face
Said |: Look at that dog. sir The spots
have all washed off,
Great guns, boyH exclaimed the dog
dealer, there was an umbrella went with
that dog. Didn't you get umbrelIa?''