davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1896-08-11
THREE CLASSES OF MEN

Is the title of neat illustrated volume
L have just issued for men. 1t gives
IN plain language the effects following
youthful indiscretions and later ex-
cesses as Seminal Weakness, Impoten-
cy, Drains and Losses, Vericocele, At
rophy or undevelopment; and points
out an easy and sure treatment and
cure at home without Drugs or He'd
icines. 1t also explains the cause and
cure of Rheumatism, Sciatica, Lumba-
go, Kidney Complaints, ETC.. without
medicine. 1t is in fact truthful re-
sumo of my thirty years wonderful
success in the curing of these cases by
Electric self treatment, and every
young, middle aged or old man suf-
fering the slightest weakness should
read it and know just where he stands.
1t is sent free, sealed, by mail upon re-
quest. Address
Or. SANDEN, $40 Broadway, New York
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1896-08-11
Brickwork for the Theatre.

Bids for the brick work on the new
theatre were opened by the committee
YESTERDAY There were six bidders, Ma
than Redlcn & Son, Charlss e. Snow,
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1896-08-11

James Cunningham, Blackstone & Smith,
John S. Randall Of Portland and George
Adams of Biddeford.. The oontract.was
awarded to Nathan Redlon & SON, at
81, 500.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1896-08-11

Ready made sheets
and Pillow Cases are
quite good enough for
the summer cottage, are
they note We sell them
for the actual cost of the
cloth that's in them.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
His Fatal Venture.

One of them had real football head
Of hair and wore sweater, while the
other wore carnation in his button.
hole and could with difficulty zee over
his own collar. And the girl who sat
immediately back of them on the grip
heard what they were saying:
lyon didn't seem to get on very well
with that college girl at the dinner last
night" said the youth in the sweater.
"Did she want somebody else to take
her in?'
"She seemed we'll enough pleased at
first" said mo Of the collar gloomily.
"Then how did you happen to fall
DOWN."
well, she said she despised people
who pretend to be what they are not. "
"And you agreed with her?"
We'll, saw no reason to disagree
with girl whose father is worth $2,-
600, 900 and who is good looking enough
for girl without cent to her name. "
GOOD. old boy. What did she say
them"
''Said she was glad to meet one per-
son who was willing to pass for what
he really was and not affect to know
more than he did. After that we got on
like house afire."
THAT must have been before caught
sight Of you"
Perhaps twas. Then we got 10 talk
ing about book we had both read, and
made use Of French phrase which
seemed TO describe il better than any
thing else"
"And wasn't she pleased with that?"
81 guess 80. but that was the end Of
it,"
"Pshaw, you're off your base. How
could that end it?"
"She said: 'Oh, you speak French.
don't you? How nice! and began to
rattle it off like steam engine"
well. but you"-
81 had said the only French phrase
knew. "--Chicago Tribune.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
THE WISE BACHELOR.
what He Has 10 Say About Men, wsos.
and ChiIdren-


what He Has 10 Say About Men, wsos.
and Chiidren-
It would be good deal moro sensible
IL the men had cbaperona
A man never believes that the girl he
is going to marry could ever grow 90
fat as her mother.
Tho man who puts of getting his
teeth fixed before he gets married is al
ways too poor afterward. because he has
to pay for the children's music lessons
When woman's first baby il 4
months old, she isn't happy till she
takes it to photographer and has itu
picture taken sitting on hair rug with
all its clothes of.
A girl can't be in love and have q
bad cold in the head at the same time.
When man says that nobody carea
whether he lives or dies, he isn't adver-
tising himself very we'll.
A woman loves man better for some
times hurting her feelings.
When a girl admits that she has q
corn. she says she must quit wearing
such loose shoes.
No matter how poor q stick he Is, q
woman always thinks her husband Ia
an undiscovered genius
A man always shuflles around and
looks uncomfortable when his wife
talks about things that happened on
their honeymoon.
A man isn't likely to enjoy hearing
his wife talk with q woman who re-
members him when he was a boy.
When woman tells you some gossip
about another woman, she always bo-
gins by saying, Isn't it awful how she
has got herself talked about?"
When u woman gets an idea she must
be economical, she hunts around and
finds an old skirt TO rip up.
IL isn't that a man doesn't see the
faults In the woman he is in love with,
but somehow the faults seem lovable.
After all u mans household goods
have been carted around the streets on
moving van he feels as though the
neighbors had taken an unfair advan-
tage Of him.
A man hurts himself more in his
wife's estimation by being brutal to
other people than he does by being bru-
tai to her.
Before man is 20 no spends most of
his time trying TO make tho girls think
he is a devil Of fellow. After that he
spends most Of it trying to make them
think he isn't.
The woman who fuses and scolds
and slaps the children for an hour be-
fore Sunday school time is often the
same one who sits in the parlor all the
evening with the blinds up and plays
hymns on the melodeon. Now York
Press
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
Struck It RIRht.

Yes" said tho reader of hats, 81
can tell the moment l look at a hat
what kind Of man the wearer was, how
old. whether tall or short, and other
charac cteristics. Oh, it's no trick. ]
don't know how I came by the facul-
ty."
1T must be a gift" suggested one
Of us.
Like second sight or mind reading, "
observed another.
Bring on your hat" said third.
"I'm anxious to SEQ how it works.
A large number Of hats were pro-
duced from one source or another, large
hats, soft hats and stiff hats, and the
ownership was successfully concealed.
The hat reader took rather broad
brimmed soft, shabby hat and began to
inspect it.
"This," he said. sis tho hat Of q
tramp"
"How do you know?"
BY unmistakable signs. The brim is
turned up in tho back. That comes
from often sleeping in haymows or un-
der trees. 1t is pulled down in front to
shade the face from inspection"
Wonderful. Go on"
Its owner was often hungry. He
has gnawed the brim. He was dishon-
est. for he hid things in the crown. The
shape Of the crown shows that be had
the pointed skull of an idiot. Am
right2"
II guess so, old boy" said the host
of the occasion. That's my hat, and
when / was on my walking tour this
summer 1 did nearly all you mention
Try another. Detroit Free Press.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
AN ExTRAvAoANr HABIT.
The White Haired Veteran and His Ores
Passion For whfttlins.

The White Haired Veteran and His Great
Passion For whitslins.
The white haired veteran had very
shame faced look when his wife came
up to where he was sitting in front Of
the general store. The floor around him
was covered with whittlings. He fold.
cd up big jackknife and turned his
head to avoid the reproving glances Of
his helpmate.
'Iwas too late, wa'n't l." she ex-
claimed in a tone Of discouragement.
Taking pine shingle from under her
shawl. she threw 1t down and said.
i've driv cattle, an I've plowed land,
but keepin track Of q man Is wuss'n
anything ever tried yit"
~ rely didn't think" he said apol.
ogetically.
IL knowed ye wouldn't think. When
n man gifts inter the way o. whittlin,
he jes' quits doin ev'ything else. seems
ter me. Soon's he once tastes the joys
o. whittlin he's satisfied ter 90 ahead
! put that shingle out on the porch an
tol yer exackly where twas. An yet ye
come of wethout it."
'It does seem kinder ongrateful in
me-" he answered.
"'Tain't the ongratitude as moves
me. Ye don't think hurried down
here with that shingle OWN ter fear
thet ye'd git ongrateful. do yer know
ed what was goin ter happen. / know
cd tbct ef ye didn't hev nothin else
handy ye'd do whut ye did before. re-
gardless Of expense. That's the third
wooden leg ye've whitfield up In the
last three months. don't altogether
blame ye fur whittlin, fur. ez I've said
before, when the habit once takes hold
it's wuss than fever an ager fur stickin
to man. But I must say thet when
he's got wife thet's willin ter run
roun after i'm an keep i'm supplied
wetb material ez don't cost nothin fur
him ter cut up three wooden legs. every
one of 'em store bought, in three
months, is downright shif'l less. Wash
ington Star.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
What He Wanted.

The old gentleman locked ut the
youth ratbcr sharply over tho top Of his
glas.-cs
~ gI,hor from your remarks" no
snid, THAT you would like to be my
son-in-law."
II don't care continental about
that" retorted the young man with
considerable asperity. "Your daughter
has enough money in her own right to
satisfy me- Chicago Post.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
THE WISE BACHELOR.

Men and Women ss They Appear TO His
Observing Eyes. fhII
Flippancy Ia q woman's cynicism.
No woman can be heartless flirt IN.
less she has had real love affair.
When q man shows q woman the in.
most corner Of his heart. she pokea
around in IL and says, lis this ALP"
Whenever you admire a woman's
hair, she thinks you are limiting around
for n watch guard made Of IL
No matter how ashamed q girl feels
the first time she kisses man, Il never
occurs TO her that the man may feel that
way too.
When girl has a grudge against a
man, sbe gives O ohafng dish party and
makes him hold the handle while she
splashes little dabs all over bis clothes
A girl who doesn't like kiss ought
TO be treated for 10.
Most men could bear It better II they
weren't expected TO grin.
A woman can never sit in tho dusk
with her~husband without trying to get
romantic.
Life's apartments often turn out
to he hall bedroom.
The deepest thing in the heart OF an
old maid is an ache for little child.
When a rich girl has kinky. black
hair, it is called "rippling midnight "
One Of the queerest things is that a
nagging woman often loves her hus.
band
Some women's idea OF taking care Of
men is by fussing with them when they
sit in draft
Some men don't discover that they
are fond Of their wives till their wives
have got through being fond of them.
II all memory Of the past could be
blotted out every night, married folk
would be good deal happier.
Some time before she is 30 every girl
determines either to be foreign mis-
sionary or TO spend her life washing
dirty babies
When all tho women callers insist
that his first baby Is the perfect image
Of himself, . man snesks up in the gar.
ret and looks in q looking glass. New
York Press.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12

And what, may l ask, do you find
the most difficult duty in your new
sphere'"
The other advanced woman knit her
brows.
We'll" sho replied after mo-
ment's thought, 81 guess tho hardest
thing l have TO do is to pretend to be
afraid Of my husband when | come
home loaded late ut night detroit
Tribune.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
THE WiODER WHARTON.
Her Dan Was Gone. but There Seemed to
he Others.


he Others.
A couple OF miles west Of Prairie City
was overtaken by man ON horseback,
who informed me that there had been
an accident In the town by which n man
had been killed, and that he was then
ON his way to break the sad news to tho
widow. She occupied dugout about
mile farther on, and as we reached the
place we found her sitting on an old
box at the door and pulling away at hor
pipe. She gave us nod and look Of
inquiry, and the man with the mourn.
full news cleared his throat and blew his
nose and finally said:
Mrs. Wharton, in the midst of life
we are in death"
What you drivin at?" asked the wo.
man AS she gave him sharp looking
over.
1--WE aro here today and gone tomor.
rer," he continued. 1--WE cometh up as
flower and are cut down"
who's goin tomorrer?" she de.
manded. "If you think am, you've
made mistake. What's the matter
with you, stranger-got cramps or sun
thin?''
Mrs. Wharton, am the bearer of
news"
"Waal, what is it?"
ITS bad news"
Letter come and don't be beatin all
around the BUSH Is taxes goin to be
higher"
''No--not that "
-
Injuns?"
"No"
Judgment day comm purity soon?"
mo Widder Wharton. we know not
what day may bring forth"
"Waal?"
eve are wife in the mornin and
widder ut night, and sioh is life"
"Who's the widder?"
"Mrs. Wharton, our husbands go
forth--go forth at the rising of the sun,
and-and"-
Look here, mister man." said tho
woman az she rose MP and lifted O
handy club from the ground; "hev you
got anythin in pertickler to say to me?"
II hev, widder," he answered.
Then spit 'er out and don't act like
fooll What's hsppenedi'
Your husband il no more ON this
earth"
why amt hei'
'"Cause he's dead. He fell agih
saw upat the mill this mornin and '.
cut in two"
"Humphl' You mean Danf"
eyes"
"Gone fur goodr'
Gone to q better land, hope. Wild
der Wharton. may heaven gin you
strength to bear up agin this awful
blow.
"Y-e-s-uml See them critters over
by that haystack?"
We looked where she pointed and
saw five men sitting in the shade Of "a
haystack, each one with his face in his
hands and his elbows on his knees.
"Who's them?" asked the messenger.
Callers, she replied, "callers to SEQ
If was a wilder and on the marry, and
at least five more will be along afore
dark. l guess heaven will gin me
strength to bear it, and I'm much
obleeRed to you, And now must go in
and change my apron and put ON my
shoes and git ready fur rush. New
York Sunday journal.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
Suspicious Circumstance.

"It may be mere coincidence" said
he thoughtfully. II hope that such ID
the case.
Whats thatp" asked the other man.
"Why, every time call at the Jone.
sons i find the doormat qurned so that
the Welcome is upside down az &c
in and all right as start for the
street. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
Wnyslde Subtleties.

Wayworn Watson-These here news
paper writers is too high for me. What
Is the difference between livin and OK
istin, want to know?
Perry Patettic-Heaps-miles, oceans.
A man can exist on bread and meat,
but he has to have booze to really live.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
"A Reminder.

Bluff frequently have something
fash upon my memory that had for
gotten for years.
Bragg-Did one of your flashes ever
happen to recall that ten you borrowed
Of mo in 16S0?--Detroit FREQ Press.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12

He-Miss Luella, love you madly.
Will you be miner
She-This really is so sudden, Mr..
Bitsnis. i must have time to think il
over before / answer you.
He-Can't give you much. Last cor
goes in 10 minutes. s.-Cincinnati En-.
Uuirer
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
Alligator Fashion.

II like the looks of the high standing
collar. " said Cholly. "The only objeo-
tion I've got against it is that when
you chew gum you have 10 hold your
jaw still and move the whole top Of
your head, you know. Chicago Trib.
unn
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
Seemed to Remind Him.

Speaking Of that yellow old hum
bug, Ii Hung Chang
"By George, I'm glad you spoke Of
him. II he were here, he would proba.
bly, ask me: How about that letter your
wife gave you the other day? Have You
mailed 1t yet?' I'll go and do it right
now. Chicago Tribune.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
The Divers Joke.

"Why do you wear that very uncouth
looking suit?" said the mermaid, perch
ed on tho bowsprit of the sunken vessel.
"Oh. for divers reasons" replied the
humorist in the diving bell. ~ Yonkers
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
A Master Stroke.

Testy Old Gent-Huh? Do you think
you can support my daughter in the
style 70 which she has been accustomedl
Young Suitor-Well. no, but can
support her in the style to which her
mother was accustomed for good many
years after she married you.
Old Gent (subdued Take her, my
son, and be happy. New York Weekly.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
The Collecting Craze,

Mrs. Van Twittcr is such an origi.
nal creature"
what has she been doing lately?'
Collecting souvenir husbands. In
sido OF six months she has had one
from st. Louis, one from Denver and
ono from San Francisco. Chicago
Record
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
An Awkward Addendum.

$50 both your sisters have married."
said the man who puts his foot in IL.
"and you are the only one left? Excuse
me-" he hastened to add. II should
have said the only one remaining. -
indianapolis Journal.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
Somewhat TaIkatiye.

Bacon-Did you know there were
over 735. 013, $780, 600 different whist
hands in pack of cards?
Egbert-Yes. My wife tells me about
each one nearly every time we play.
--Yonkers Statesman. /
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
He Didn't specify.

81 tell you," cried the author, "I'n
going to rise in this world"
The editor eyed him doubtfully fol
avo seconds and then asked:
Balloon or elevator?" = Atlantis
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
Ready to Negotiate.

Reformer-Mr. Grabbe, we can count
on you to vote in favor of this bill to
prevent bribery in the council, can't
we?
n-Well-er-what Is the in
decentralization Life.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12

Mr.. Outspoken--If you were not So
so-large. Miss Maudlin, would ask
you to dance.
Miss Maudlin-I may look large, Mr..
Outspoken. but assure you I should
feel small enough il did dance with
you.-Collier's Weekly.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-11-12
A Convenient Phrase.

"Who are the deserving poor?"
"The poor that those who speak Of
them never find detroit News
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-11-25

find the first person who regards the
defeat of this year as final defeat.
The free silver people are satisfied that
four years more of gold standard Will
convince those who have been dear TO
reason that they are wrong. ana
at the next election they will be cnly
too glad 10 rally around the banner
about which you have been fighting.
II am glad to come before the people
OF this state. because Colorado will
have the distinction of having cast the
largest percentage Of her vote for one
presidential candidate that any state
has ever done. Vermont has boasted of
the percentage which she gave to the
republican candidate. but believe that
In this campaign Colorado has honored
me with larger percentage Of the vote
OF the people than any state has ever
given before to any candidate. There
fore | come before you with pleasure,
to return thanks To you for the loyalty
you have shown to the principles which
we have struggled for and say to you
that whatever the future may be, |
shall always remember with great
gratitude and good will you have so
freely manifested"
Mr.. Bryan was frequently interrupt
ed with applause and cheers, and at
times II was difficult for him To speak
because of the enthusiasm. AT the
state headquarters there were fully
1000 people assembled. including 5000
school children with flags. Mr. Bryan
made few remarks and from there re-
turned to the Brown Palace hotel.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-11-25
SENSATION IN COURT
The 0. s. Grand Jury Complains
Against Attorney Leslie.
FAILURE OF DUTY CHARGED
Judge Knowles Informed That the
District Attorney Would Not
Subpoena Witnesses Asked
For-Helena News.
special pispateh 70 the Standard.

Special Dispatch to the standard.
Helena, Mont. Nov. a-To all appear
ances District Attorney p. II. Leslie and
the United States grand jury. now in ses-
sion. have not been working together
quite as harmoniously as usual. ID. T..
Rankin, foreman Of the jury. to-day In
court asked Judge Knowles how the jury
should proceed, as the district attorney
would not subpoena certain witnesses they
desired. The communication was a sur
prise TO Judge Knowles.
you can have anything you demand"
he said to the jury Just before sending
them back out OF the court. "The powers
of a grand jury are extraordinary. You
are here To represent the people. and your
will il law In matters like this 1t might
be that grand jury would like to indict
the district attorney. for instance. and IL
would have n perfect right to look Into
matters connected with his Office. There
Is an instance OF record In Illinois where
the grand jury indicted the judge of the
district I'm which II was sitting"
District Attorney Leslie tonight denied
trat he had refused TO subpoena any wit
nesses asked for.
The jury In the trial OF the action
brought by the government against Dolor
Brabant. ~ Lewistown ranchman, brought
in a verdict favoring the plaintiff and fix
ing the amount OF judgment at $50 and
costs. Brabant cut timber on govern
ment land He viii move for a new trial
and In the event OF It's denial may appeal.
Thomas Burnes pleaded not guilty in
the United States court to-day to the
charge OF passing counterfeit money.
Sheriff Jurgens has been unable to find
any trace OF the man who chloroformed
Mrs AuuWer Holm nj her horna hat tureeu
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-11-25
CONSUL LEE TALK S.


He says the Competitor Prisoners We're
Not Tried at Moro Castle.
Washington. Nov. 2i.-Consul Cen
eral Lee was at the state department
again to-day. When asked as To the
report that the Competitor prisoners
had been tried at Mora castle contrary
to protest made by him before he
left Havana. General Lee said. Il do
not believe any trial has occurred. II
il had, the facts would be speedily re-
ported here by Vice Consul Springer.
There has been some preliminary steps
towards the trial, and the dispositions
of the prisoners were taken. but fur
ther than this nothing has been done
that | know Of"
When General Lee was asked as TO
the protest referred to as having been
made by him. he said IL probably re-
ferred To the report made by him be-
fore the first trial Of the Competitor
prisoners and renewed In the present
instance that the men. being taken on
an American ship. were entitled To a
civil trial. rather than trial by court
martial, as provided in the treaty and
protocol between the United States and
Spain. The consul general referred 20
an open letter from a Fredericksburg.
Va. editor to President Cleveland which
was published to-day urging the presl-
dent to act on Cuba. Coming from a
fellow townsman and n close friend Of
General Lee, some significance might
attach to II, but General Lee said he
desired To have IL understood that he
knew nothing about the letter and had
nothing to do with II.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-11-25
IN THE FAR EAST.
England Sending some of Her Most For
mi.iabie Boats There.

San Francisco. Nov IA cores
pondent writing from Nagasaki under
date Of Nov. Z, says: The news that
the British admiralty has decided To
send out the big cruiser Terrible will
probably cause little surprise. That
England has been awake to the neces-
sllty of increasing the lighting strength
of her fleet in far eastern waters has
been for some time an open secret.
With the Renown. Terrible, Aurora.