Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-11-02
JUST FOR FUN.

Mertie- Cholly proposed to me last
night. Marie-Doesn't he do it awk-
wardly, though?
Pa, what is a downtrodden farmer?
cream in his coffee.
Only the forgetful girl neglects to
rearrange the parlor chairs after the
young man has called before she goes
to bed.
Kind lady (to butcher Why do you
put innocent little lambs to death?
Butcher-Because my customers pre-
| fer them that way.
Why do you laugh at his stale jokes?
If I did not laugh he would think did
not understand the jokes and would
| try to explain them.
Ethel-Mamma, what makes the
lady dress in black? Mamma-Be-
cause she is sister of charity, dear.
Ethel-Is charity dead, then?
She-Did you know that Maud has
dark room on purpose for propo-
sails? He-Well, rather. I developed
a negative there myself last night.
She-Do you think we would better
be engaged any longer than six
months, dear? He-We'n see, dar
ling, how long my money holds out.
She was married to her third hus-
band and they had had a quarrel. I
guessed how it would be, William, she
said: you are as bad as the others.
told Miss Golightly that I would
go round the world for her sake.
What did she say? She answered
that half way round would do very
WELL
Why, old man, [ didn't know that
she utterly refused you. It amounted
to the same thing. She said she was
willing to wait until I could support
her.
Do you think your mother would let
you have another piece of cake, Will
lie? Oh, yes, ma'am. She told me to
be sure and get filed up while I had
the chance.
Between you and me Bowker, does
your wife use powder? Don't know
whether it's powder or dynamite, but
when she blows me up it's week be-
fore Pm right again.
Bridget-Wuz yez sick whin yez
wor comm over the ocean? Mike
(newly arrived1 Wuzn't Oh, though.
If Oh hadn't put on a loife preserver,
Oh believe OId died.
A Chicago girl sued a man for $751;
900 for taking a kiss and was only
awarded $3.50. Perhaps the jury Ia
bored under the impression that it
was a sample at whole sale rates.
Stern Parent-You must understand
sir, that I want my daughter to have
as good home after marriage as she
had before, sir. Jack Burlington
Well, you're not going to sell out, are
you?
I understand that when those fell
lows down at Hiker's station wanted
to argue with you, you lodged, said
the committee man. Had to, the
campaign orator admitted. They
wanted to argue with eggs.
Mrs. Noyes- Children, children
Can't you get along without making
such terrible racket? Nellie Noyes
No, mamma, we can't. Willie's
playing he's papa coming home late
last night!
I found fishworm in my hydrant
this morning, said the wrathful cit
izen. Yes, said the official of the wa
ter company, that is the best we can
do at present. We can't afford to
furnish fish-all we are able to furnish
is bait.
Boy (who had been patiently watch
ing the strange angler for about an
hour)-You amt caught anything,
have you? Stranger-No, not yet,
my boy. Boy-There wasn't no wa
ter in that pond till it rained last
night.
Irene Cat the party Miss CARING
is the best dressed young wo-
man here Mabel-Yes; I never saw
the dear girl looking quite so well as
she does this evening. If she would
file her elbows off little, she would
look almost plump.