davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06


Il p reported chat the petriied re-
mains Of a whale, e9f feet in length. have
been found il the hills north Of Lom-
poe, 8 dozen miles or SO back from che
sea, in Santa Barbara county, Cal.
Ae0-pound togue. the biggest fish ever
known to have been caught IN Moose
head Lake, Ne, was hooked BY o guide
a few days ago. It measured three feet
four inches in length, and is thought
to be the largest specimen Of the trout
family 81 caught in Maine.
An unusually large octopus witheight
arms, each measuring a little fess than
six feet ii length. was killed at Ala
media, Cal, d few days ago. The lslt
fastened its t~entacles on a boat which
a fisherman was rowing in the harbor.
The man royved his boat ashore, the fish
still clnging TO it, and killed the octopus
with an ar.
A devil-fsh, measuring 1917 feet froAs
the tip Of one Of its eight arms to the
tip Of another and ten feet from the
top Of its head to the tip Of its longest
arm, was killed in the channel at Ssnta
Barbara, CAL, by two boys a few Gays
ago. It was the largest devil fish ever
caught in those waters.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06


Miss Flora lin a pair Of stupendoua
Bleeves)-"How do / look. Ned2" Ned
(rapturonsly)-sYou are simply unaP-
proachable. -Boston Transcript.
Fair Patient-"You are the only
physician Of all I've consulted who
hasn't advised nee to go to Europe"
Doetor-tThey can afford it. They've
got more patients than / have.n-Flie-
gende Blaetter.
1T is sad," said one girl. that SO
many men nowadays have q great deal
more money than brains Eyes,
sighed anotheri "and so little money at
that."-Cincinnati Tribune.
-Parson Bloomheld-"Tm afraid,
my friend, your heart isn't right" Dy-
ing Sinner-"Well, parson, you'll have
to settle that with the doctor. He says
it's my liver. Texas Siftings.
"A fat French lady despairingly
says; Il am so fat that / pray for a
disappointment to make me thin, but
no sooperdoest the disappointment come
than the joy at the prospect of getting
thin makes me fatter than ever."-Tit-
Bits.
"A Genuine Inspiration "When do
you expect to have another inspiration
for q poem, Mr.. Languid2' said the
admiring young woman. Il have one
now" was the prompt response. 20
isn't that nice! Would you mind tell.
ing meewhat the inspiration is? hops
it is q powerful one" 1T is. One Of
the strongest l have had for some time
It's an offer from an editor Of five dol
lars per stanza. Star.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06
A Plueky Girl.

A rival has now been found to the
Austrian tailor who accomplished the
journey from Vienna to Paris inside a
trunk. The imitator is a young girl Of
1s years from Auvergne. She had been
living in the French capital with a rcla-
tive, who fell i'll, and rather than prove
an incumbrance the spirited damsel re-
solved to return to her native village.
Not having any money to pay her rail-
way fare, she set out to cover the jour
ney, a distance of $40 kilometers, on
foot. When nearly a third other jour
ney had been accomplished her
strength gave out. She determined
then to travel at the expense of the
railway company, and, biding her time,
she obtained a seat ON the buffer Of q
goods wagon as q train left the sta
ton, For many a mile she rode in
this perilous position, and when dis
covered by a railway official she was
half dead with cold and fatigue. After
receiving every attention the girl. was
sent on to her relatives.-Boston Her
AID
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06
And She aTsIed the Pot.s

Patient and long-sufferin reader
maybe you dop't know the old lady GAR
ner. But all them that have scraped
up acquaintance with her can tell you
that she is red-headed and rantanker-
GUS and come from fightin stock. You
couldn't burn the woods and sift the
ashes and find another one exactly like
her.
From the station she struck a bee
line and burnt the wind for home, and
durin the balance of that day she was
the gonebyest most busiest woman in
the round created world. She dreened
the ash barrel for I've, and raked and
scraped the kitchen for soap grease.
Then she made the necessary mixtry
COR I've soap, and built a roarin big fire
md billed the pot. She billed it high and
she billed it hot, and she stirred it with
d sassafrass stick to make the soap
particular thick and stick.
But that want all-not by a whole
tremendous big lot. In the still and sol
emn hours Of the night she went forth
md got her old soap gourd and toted
that pot Of fresh I've soap down to the
railroad. And she didn't stop there.
She took and poured and gmeared that
soap on the steel rails for 200 yards.
When the days work was done, and
when Misses Garner laid her poor old
body down to rest that night you may
know she was weary with the
storms and trials and tribulations of
this vain and heetin world. But
ii my own mind / have no
doubt but what the last words she
spoke before she fell of to sleep the
sleep Of The Just were: sixteen hands
high, and heavy e. buchshot"
The next time you 90 over there to
the gravel cut If you win stop and look
t.p and down the railroad you can see
the tremendous heavy grades both ways.
Right frequent IL IN to pass that
heavy loaded trains run down to 3 stall
snd q dead stop along there-psrticular
roo after s rain when the track Is wet
sud slick.
But when Il comes TO maxim things
slippery and slick . little rain water
taint nothin to d whole passeI CT fresh
oft soap. So consequentially that
night when the next freight train come
thunderin down the road it had to stop
Dyer there az the gravel cnt. BY and by
another one come thunderin up the
road and when it struck the gravel cut
heavy grade ard old Misses GarneFs
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

soft soap was too much FOR Il, and a.
there It was. They couldn't climb over
and they had to stop. They pulled open
boxes and sanded the track free and
heavy and promiscus But still the
trains couldn't come across the cut.
Every time the engines snorted the
wheels would slip and run backwards
faster than they run forwards.
At the break Of day next morning
there was four trains all iammed up in
a wad over there OF the gravel cut, and
in the mainline they had two tail-end
collisions and ditched three loaded cars.
It took two or three railroad bosses
and the bridge gang till 10 o'clock that
day to clear Up and clean of the track
and git them trains away from the
gravel cut.
The railroad people then put in and
had old Misses Garner arrested on the
general charge Of trespass and pure
Meanness, and she likewise also took
out papers of compliment on the rail-
road claimin damages for thirteen
chickens, seven ducks and one turkey
hen-"and her a settin on fourteen
eggs"
The trial come of before Justice
Doogin. The court maintained that II
as big a thing as a railroad couldn't
hold it's when there was nothin
but I'M old widow woman at the other
end of the game they ought to take out
and quit. Whereas, he throwed the
costs On the railroad and Misses Garner
went forth oncst more a free woman.
There was some talk around in the
settlements to the extent that the case
would have 60 go on up higher. But
1 ruther think the railroad is more
than willin to play quits. Yet still at.
he same time when they git rale hon
CRY to see the old lady Garner they will
know where to find her. She is right
there at home on the bluffs ofthe gravel
cut-red-headed and hard to handle
't16 hands high and heavy as buckshot. =
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

We offer Ons Hundred Dollars Reward
Tor any case Of Catarrh that can not be
cured by Halls Catarrh euro.
r.. u CHENEY q Co, Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known r. J.
Cheney for the last Is years, and believe
him perfectly honorable in all business
transactions and financially able to carry
out any obligations made by their firm.
WEST & TRuAx, Wholesale Druggists, To-
ledo, o.
WALDNa, KNNAN & MARVIN, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, Ohio.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
aoting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Price 75c. per bot
tie. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials
free.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

Andy Lucas-Free silyef il one Of
them things you hear tell of so durn frc-
quent, and see so durn never.
Aunt Nancy Newton-The more I see
Of men the better I love dogs.
Blew Scroggins-It is better to play
the hands we hold than draw to Others
we know not Of.
Bunk Weatherfnrd-There is some
thin wrong with q man when his re-
ligion makes him sorry and his politics
makes him mad. RUEUs SANDERS.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

There are but two European poten-
tates who manage to get along without
change Of residence. They are the pdpe
Of Rome and the sultan Of Turkey. Tive
sultan has never left Constantinople
since he assembled the throne in such
tragic circumstances 10 years ago, and
his holiness has remained within the
precincts since the triple tiara was
placed upon bis head-chicago News
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

is o woman's
viii and she
wants to have
her way. And
20 sequential-
ly they had a
tremendous big
ruccus and con-
I u 8 TONNE nt
over at TIL E
gravel cut,
three mile s
d o W n below
he railroad
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

Is not steadier than a system liberated from
the shackles Of chills and fever, bilious re-
mittent or dumb ague by Hostetter's Stom-
ach Bitters, q perfect antidote to malarial
poison in air or water. It is also an unex-
ampled remedy for bilious, rheumatic or
kidney complaints, dyspepsia and nervous
ness. 1t improves appetite and sleep and
hastens commissioners.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

@
on the spring circuit last week there
would now be two men missin from
around Rocky Creek-me and Mart
Mayo. We pitched in, we did, and had
a fight, which / do reckon it was way
yonder the most alloverest fool fight
that has ever come to pass in all this
pleasant strip of country.
From all the general appearments It
would seem like Mart had went to town
that day to a political ratification OF
some sort, and in the mainline he had
climbed up on the outside of more
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., off and on, than
was comm for his share. At any rates,
when he come along by Dur house on
his return back home from town he was
tanlxed up to q ratio of about sixteen
drinks to one spoonful OF brains, and
jest naturally one-sided and spilin for
a fight.
Hitwas now way into the shank Of the
eyenin, and I had went down in the
oats field look7g for dewberries and
ZEN old Mart hove III
sieh his mule in swing
7mgallop, reelin and rocldn and whoopin
md edhsin to beat six bits. He rid out
to the fence and waved his hand for me
and / went on down to see what III the
round created world was the matter
with him.
"Rufe Sanders" says Mart, soon as I
got up in tallein distance. 81 would love
to have a fight. BY gads, I do rally want
to have a fight. Dadburned If / amt
jest naturally got to have a fightlf says
he, in a loud voice. And then he lent
way over on his mules neck and shet
one eye 10 see for certain that there
want more than one of me.
IT am with you, Mart, right OF wrong,
and If you need any help you know
right where to send and git it," a y 1,
who is the other MANI"
"Youl-you dadburned double-jinted,
box-ankled idiot! Your time has
come,s says Mart, and with that he
rolled.of Of his mule and crawled right
on out of his coat.
But me and you have always been
good friends, Mart" says /, "and so far
as I know there amt nothin for us To
fight about"
THAT don't make a continental durr
bit Of difference with me- a v Mart
II am 40 years old, / weigh 1853 pound.
and / use to live in Texas. / want tc
fight, and fight / must"
BY this time Mart had got his bristles
up and was foamin at the mouth, and
seein that nothin would do him bnt q
fight, / pulled off and we pitched In
Naow Mart is a whole lot the best maj
between us two for common, but own
to the sperits he had put under his sun.
day shirt 1t was six with one and about
half a dozen with the other.
So there we had it-up and down
and over and under. twas who should
and who shouldn't-which was which
and who was who. Presently Mart h.
backed under the shade of some sweet
gum bushes in a jam Of the fence anG
called for time.
"It is too burned internal hot ant
sweltry to fight this thing out to I
finish this evenin, Rufe," says Mart
"Spose we ~rejourn the meetin EN-,
porarily?"
As to me, l was only goin through th,
motions to please Mart, and the wealth
er was scandlous hot. So we both iaic
down our hands and quit.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

Tommy, you didn't come to school
yesterday afternoon"
"No'm; there vas a circus in town
am paw an NAV an Aunt Caddie an
Uncle Tom an Cousin Bob all wanted to
take me-" Chicago Record,
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

"ONLY one thing makes a woman madden
than to lave her husband stay down town
to lunch when he had said that he was com-
ing homer "And what Is that2' sit Is to
have him come home TO lunch when he had
said he was going to stay down town.
Chicago Record.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

The "Whercfores and W~hencenese,1
Naturally of course there was a wom-
an in the case as usual. 1t was the rail-
road on n side and old Misses Gar
Aer-one of these plain, old, Finland.
steel women-on the other side. And
II the general wind-up If that old lady
didn't show out ahead of the game she
made the other side more than willin
to take out and quit even.
Now as to the ~wherefores and the
whenceness thereof-it would seem
like the railroad has been runnin of
it's cars SO wild and reckless here lately
till they had killed off a whole passle
of Misses Carriers chickens and ducks
and the like of that-which, o under.
stand, she lives right there on the bluffs
Of gravel cut. She had took her foot
end hand and went up to the station
two or three times and put in her claim
Tor damages, hut the railroad wouldn't
cough up worth a cent. The agent told
her that they didn't pay for nothin
less than a hog, and she would have to
learn her chickens better sense than to
run back and forth across the railroad
tracks.
But finally at last one day last week
9 heavy loaded freight train run over
the, old lady's turkey hen-"and her
o settin on IA eggss-and mashed her
into a thousand odds and ends and scat
tered fragments.
That was one too many for Misses
Garner. She fused and stormed and
cried, and stormed and cried andfussed
till she saw that wouldn't even pay her.
for her time and trouble, and then she
tore of and pitched out up the road to
the station, with her fly bonnet in one
hand and the feet and tail feathers Of
turkey hen in the otbe
oe a.
nnd aa6rstw n
bic story in plain Unted afates and
give out some Of her strong personal
opinions in regards to the railroads
and the railroad men. But it was also
pluperfect vanity and vexation of spirit.
lEe wouldn't pay her a continental red
cent for her turkey, to say nothin of the
package on chickens.
II amt nothin but q pore wilder
woman" says the old lady as she
walked out through the crowd and
started off OF her return back home,
but bless the heavens, I am 16 hands
high and heavy as buckshot. l was
liyin right there before the railroad
was built, and right there I will live
till the last final shower comes and ]
have TO go in. But in the mainline /
nm jest 16 hands high and heavy as
buclxshotls
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

station, one day last week. They het
things up SO hot and furious and raised
sich q scandlous big fuss over there, till
~ gracious the air was blue for miles
around.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

81 CAN teach you law, sir, but | cannot
teach you manners,p said an exasperated
counsel to a small, meek witness. Tho lat
ter replied quietly: THAT is so, sir,n and
people laughed consumedly. Pittsburgh
Dispatch.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

a. I
the material2n Fashionable Dressmaker--
"Oh, In that case, / should have TO inform
you that never charge for material r.
RrnoklVn Life.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

"MANMA, why has the month Of February
20 days every fourth year4" what q fool
ish question: So that people born on the
29th Of February can have a birthday once
In awhile. 1-Texas Siftings.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

AN Artistic Achievement.-'Mr. Crayons
Is very successful in his drawing,h re-
marked the young woman. "Yes," replied
the discourteous rival, ~ understandable
posed OF several pictures at a rsf1e.'s-
Washington Star.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

G~IoACoHINo RossINI, who was a great
jester, was once seen embracing q Spaniard
with great effusion. Asked the reason, he
replied: because without Spain we would
be the last acknowledgement.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

Mrs. NIx-"I hope you are not afraid OF
work.p Weary While pneasilyy-"I ain't
exactly afraid, mum; but | always feel
around2,Zgruth.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

SHE says she can't afford a cab
Expenses she must curb,
Yet when she walks upon the street
Her carriage Is superb,
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

"YoU want to keep your eye on the won.
ans bonnet says an item in a fashion pa
per. No, we don't want TO, but under Ger
tain conditions, dear editor, we have to-
Yonkers Statesman.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06
NIlDIra. KKsEAr Z MAavIN. wh0IesaIo
Halls Family Pills are the best.

TEMPERANCE is corporeal piety; it is tho
preservation of divine order in the body
Theodore Parker.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

No NATTER how happy and contented 4
man may look, IL you give him a chance he
win spend the day telling you his troubles
Los Angeles Express.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

THE difference between q s-omnambulist
and 4 messenger boy is thrilling: One walks
in his sleep, and the other sleeps in his
INDEPENDENTLY Press.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

Effectually yet gently, whom costiyo or bill
Ions, or Whom tho blood Is impure o. slug
gish, to permanently overcome habitual
constipation, TO awaken the klsineFs and
liver to o healthy activity, without irrifal
ting or weakening thcms 70 disrel head
aches, colds, or fcYers, use Syrup Of Figs
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

AFTER physicians had given me up. I WINS
saved by Piso's Cure.-RAIPH EREEos VIII
Transport, Pa, Nov. ., 1888.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

in general, t~reachery, though at Rrst suf-
lciently cautious, yet In the end betrays
itself.-LiYY.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

uWHERE are all the wicked people
buriedfn asked a small boy who had been
reading the Inscriptions in a ~churchyard.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

TREASON is like diamonds; there IS moth.
ing 70 be made by the email trader.-Doug-
1ag .Torrold
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

tsBlG words ana fne clothes" said Uncle
Gbcn, Sic berry frequently alike IN not kib.
belhi' much datreily mounts Ter anyshi9g ?
~Waehin1ton Star.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

CuRE your cough with Hale's Honey Of
Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

FRS stopped free by Dr.. Kliness Great
Ncrve Restorer. No fts afferhrss day'suse.
Marvellous cures. Treatise and 81 trial bot
tlo Tree. Dr. kline. 93l Arch ST. Phila.. Pa
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

"No,o SAID Mr. Wickwirc, 81 haven't
tried to get funny around the house since 4
told the hired girl to boil the ice-and she
did.n-IndianaDolis Journal.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

z A MAN may feel happy in rags, but he
doesn't lock it.-Hartford Religious Herald.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06

The Darlington Route viii sun 1v8 ptf
nonaIly conducted tours during tie SIMMER
to Colorado aud YeiloWgtonQ Park. The
dates ore June %, July g, July ~. July Sf
and July - Write for illustrated pamphlet
Of TIE Park aud book 81 The tours.
= w. EAKELEx, Gen. Pass. Azt 50. Louie.
The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-06-06
RUFUS SANDERS.
'ries nom Life In the Rocky
Greek settlemenk
\ Old Lady Garner sem Lives at
travel Cut-srWo Fools : Fightin,e
and b Weather seam
dlous Hot.

There is most generally always a way
where there is a wiIl-particuIar IL IL
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-12-20
STRANGE TALE OF A
DIVORCE IN LONDON.
From the sketcil.

June is not delightful except to those
who can be delighted, and Mr.. Clarence
Armitage Of NO IA Somerset square was
not a man to whom June or any other
month was delightful. He had just seen
his three little children off to their school
close by, watching them across the square
and he came back to his dining room,
where breakfast was laid for him, and
where his letters, great heap Of them
awaited him. He YEARLY stood sorting
them out, and at last picked out one writ
ten in a lawyers handwriting, and bear
ing the monogram Of Messrs. Clarke e.
Russell. He waited motionless almost
while the servant bl ought in hot coffee.
bacon and eggs, and replying to her ques-
ton that he wished for nothing else, he
took up the letter and slowly opened 1t as
the door was closed upon him. 1t read
as follows:
% Lincoln's Inn Fields, w. c., June /,
49,. Dear Sir: We hasten to inform you
that the rule was made absolute this day
In court, and that, therefore. the case is
now finished in your favor We are, dear
sir, yours faithfully, Clarke g. Russell.
Clarence Armitage Esq.
"Oh, my poor wifel poor darling Katev'
he cried out TO himself. why did 1 go to
these lengths? What is my life worth to
me now? Why did you leave me2 Why
did you leave me?"
Perhaps these questions are asked more
often than one would suppose; perhaps the
dreary silence OF the reply to them tells as
strongly upon the nerves Of others as II
did upon those Of Clarence Armitage. He
bore It all, though, si.ei tly and apparently
unmoved. His life was very methodical.
He saw after everything himself. In the
morning he was down early enough to see
that the three younger children had their
breakfast properly and to afterwards speed
them on their way 10 school, then to greet
his two elder boys as they set out for
University College. He was a reserved
man, and yet there was world OF affoc-
ton for his four boys and little girl, young
est and daintiest Of them all. The chill
dren seemed 70 recognize It, for they loved
their father. After settling with his
housekeeper the necessary details OF the
day. he proceeded to his office, ana then,
al 6 O'clock, upon his return, he had high
tea while his children, helped them in their
lessons, sometimes saw them IN their bath,
and always at the last. when al the house
vac ouiet. went up to their bedside and
saw that they were comfortable for the
night.
once. about three months after Mrs. Ar
ulitare had become free from the ties Of
wifehood he had said goodnight and had
gone TO his study. when upstairs there
arose a scrcaminr from little voices. and
harsh. angry notes from the lips 81 boys
who were not controlled yet By the worlds
heavy hand OF repression. Mr.. Arnifagc
flung hla cigarette down and rose % 10
upstairs, when the door was thrown open