Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-05-11
JUST FOR FUN.

for me I will set back the hahds two
hours on club nights.
Mr.. Doodle = You began life as a
barefooted boy, I understand? New
Clerk-Yes, sir, 1 was born without
| shoes.
Tommy, who was Joan of Arc?" ask
ed the teacher. ''Noah's wife," said
Tommy, who was considered great at
guessing.
Man overboard-Help! Help! Pat
Why don't yes swim? I don't know
how. Be CORY, ye've got an illigant
chance to learn.
''The White House is short of sta
tionery," says a dispatch. 'This ex-
plains why Grover can not write his
letter of declination.'
"And you actually aver that you
learned to ride a wheel without once
swearing. Your" eyes. felt too near
an awful death to dare to be profane.' -
"My family" said Miss Antique,
''came over in the Mayfower." "Did
they, really" exclaimed Hicks. s'How
very interesting. And were you sea-
sick?"
''There, said the mother, don't you
feel better?" And the little boy whose
trousers had just been patched, re-
marked as he sat down, 81 think I'm
on the mend"
When Israel Zangwill was asked by
Hutchinson, the publisher, to write
volume for the 'sZeit- Geist" series. he
wrote back, IT have neither the Zeit
not the Geist."
She : You should have been at
church Sunday. The minister preach
ed such an interesting sermon. He
Indeed? She-Yes; you know it was
his debut as a hereto.
The New Hampshire parson who
goes SO far as to declare that no re-
spectacle man would use bicycle on
Sunday is not very considerate of
some of his brother clergy.
"Wasn't it horrible?A man who was
walking across the university campus
fell in fit of delirium tremens." eyes,
it was dreadful. But his rawlings fur
nished the students with a new col
lege YELL"
Architect-Have you any sugges-
tions for the study. Mr.. Veryrich?
Veryrich that it must be brown.
Great thinkers, I understand, are gen
orally found in brown study.
Uncle George-You told us you were
laying up money for rainy day, and
you spent every cent of it on your va
cation. Tom = That's all right. 1t
rained every day was away.
1t is said that w. D. Howells bought
ly; and the proprietor telephoned his
publishers, ga man named Howells
refers to you. Do you know him?"
He-I hear you attended the Han
del and Haydn performances. We're
you present at the Creation? She
Indignantly j suppose you will
next want to knowifI sailed in Noah's
ark.
Miss Winthrop Blueblue, haughtily:
'Your people are rather, rather re-
cent, are they not? Now,I am a Daugh
ter of the Revolution. Miss Nobody:
Mercy! How we'll you carry your
years!
President Lincoln once reached Vir-
ginia Just after one of the famous Vir-
ginia rain storm. ''What do they
mean," he said, "by calling Virginia
I find it Clay State way
up to the hub.'
"Well, father" exclaimed the prod
lgal son as he made his appearance
again at the family fireside, "are you
ready to kill the fatted calf?'' ssNo,''
replied the old man, grimly, 'sI think
I'll let you live"
GA fine sermon that" said Deacon |
Brown, who was great admirer of |
the person, "a fine sermon, and we'll
timed, too" EYES," answered Mr.
5ynnek, sit was certainly we'll timed.
About half the congregation had their
out.''
81 hear, brother, that you attend
baseball games on Sunday" said the
Rev. Mr.. Wilgus to one of his favor
tie parishioners. eyes, do" admit
ed the accosted one, "but I don't
swear at the umpire on that day, no
natter how big a robber he ISL
''Pm going to tell my pa on you,"
aid Johnny Smithers, as the black
ninth pared some of the bone away
rom the horses hoof. "Why! What