Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-11-26
SPINNING WHEEL.

Comedian Joseph Murphy has put
forth a new musical composition. 1t is
his own work and it bears the odd title
Il am my own Grandfather" The rea-
son for this paradox is made clear by the
lines:
l am the most related man that walks the
earth today,
And when / tell you who am you'll almost
faint away;
But just you think it over-what say you'll
find is true,
1 am my own grandfather, and I'll prove it
now to you.
l won the winsome Widow White, one win
ter we were wed,
She had a daughter whom my father unto
the altar led.
Just see what strange relationship we bear
to one another!
!, My father is My son and now my daughter
Is my mother!
My father has a Eaby boy; I also have an
other;
And both are lovely little lads, they look
just like each other.
Now, my boy is my uncle, for he IS my
mothers brother;
My wife is now my grandmamma for she's
my "mOther'S'' mother.
When daddy did my daughter wed, of course
you'll all agree,
That became his father-'tis as plain as A.
i. c..
If I'm my fathers father, it's fact with
out a flaw,
1 am my own grandfather then, according to
the law.
And / have no hesitation when 1 make this
declaration
Not nation in creation can produce another
man
In this trying situation of relation complica-
ton.
I invite investigation; introduce him if you
can.
The German Emperor, while recently
inspecting body of naval recruits, no
ticed an unusually StalWart man III the
ranks, and asked him where he hailed
from. The recruit. in broad Bavarian
dialect, replied: ''From Wiesbach, your
majesty did you understand whom
l meant" the Emperor asked, Sin adj
dressing you sailors about the foreign
foe?'' The Recruit-"Yes, Russians"
The Emperor-"And enemies at home?'
Recruit-'Prussians, your majesty.
Anent the question OF Canadian flag
the poet of the Montreal Gazette INDUCES
in this burst of loyalty:
More modern flags with stars and bars
AS beautiful may be;
But the flag that waved thousand years
Is good enough for me.
The reference is of course to the Brit
ish flag. But the fact is that the British
flag, as now arranged, has not waved
1000 years. 1t hasn't even waved 100
years. It was in 1901 that the red cross
of st. Patrick was placed partly over
the white cross of st. Andrew, thus
forming the flag as it now waves.
''I'm all in the dark about how these
bills are to be paid" said Mr.. Hardup
to his wife.
"Well, Henpy," said she, as she pulled
out yellow one and laid it on top of the
pile, you will be if you don't pay that
one, for that's the gas bill."-Washing-
ton Capital
There are blunders of the species
''bull' which have not been born III Ire
land Household Words notes q few.
1t was a Scotchman who said that the
butcher of her town only killed half a
beast at a time. 1t was Dutchman
who said pig had no marks on his ears
magistrate who, when told by certain
rascal that he was not married, respond
ed: ''Ehat is a good thing for your Wife
1t was Portuguese mayor who enuine-
rated among the marks by which a
drowned man might be identified when
speech" It was a Frenchman who, con-
tentedly laying his head on a stone jar
for pillow, replied to an inquiry wheth-
er it was not too hard, Not at all, fer
have stuffed it with hay" And it was
an American who, lecturing one evening,
SAID: '1areulS, you uldy nave Cullufpu
or, if not, your daughters may have
-:O:-
"Why are you looking SO glum? ?" asked
the first author of the second.
Il sent manuscript to a measly ed
itor. marked at your regular rates. and
he sent it back with a schedule of his
advertising prices. New York Town
Topics.
A Boston reporter asked Chauncey NJ.
DepeW what was the most effective
story that he used in his campaign
speeches. Last summer upon the edge
of the Adirondacks," said Mr.. Depew,
Il ran across a little store where all
trades were conducted by exchange of
articles, for they have no money UP
there. Jones, the storekeeper, was a
free silver man, and | talked with him
about it, Times were hard and he ar
gued for a deprecated currency, saying
that it would be good for business. l
and carried out his free coinage purpose,
might fail. He admitted it, but said
times could not be worse. Just then a
barefooted girl came in and putting her
hands on the counter and raising on tip
toe said. Mister Jones. my mother wants
an eggs worth of ginger. The old hen
is on the nest nowr 1t never failed"
said Mr.. Depew. with a merry twinkle
playing hide and seek in the tail of his
eye.
His Recollection.-''W what was
the preachers text?'' ''Somethin' about
h. vim: faith like q grain of some kind of