Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1896-06-18
WILL YOU BE "OFF" OR PROM?
Catechism to Which Some
Would-be Railroadeps
Have to Submit.

piunt Joe, as his friends call him, OF
the Missouri, Kansas & Texas railway.
mas the reputation OF being very partic-
uiar IN the matter OF employing train
men, desiring only those who have had
considerable experience in that branch
OF the service. The following is a con-
yersatlon said to have been overheard in
Mr.. Maxwelrs office between the gentle
man and an applicant for a position as
a passenger conductor
Where did you come from
From General Manager St.John, OF the
C. b. so.
What did you come here to do
10 learn to subdue my energies and
improve the railroad service.
Then you are a railroad man, | infer ?
am so taken to be by all officials who
know their business.
How may | know you to be a railroad
man?
BY looking over my letters and exam
inlng me in the signals. Try me.
How will you be tried
BY the punch.
Why by the punch ?
Because it is IN emblem of honesty and
the principal tool OF my profession.
Where We're you first prepared to be a
railroad man?
In my mind.
Where next?
Upon a farm adjoining the right OF
way.
How were you prepared a?
BY braking upon a threshing machine
for six months, after which | went to
town and sought admission to the train
masters clerk.
How were you received
Upon the gaze OF the trainmaster APP
piled to my anatomy, which is thus ex-
planned As it is always a source OF
pleasure to the trainmaster to receive
callers, | should drop in and chat with
him a little while upon every occasion
possible.
How were You disposed OF?
was seated in a chair neal the train
masters desk and asked if l put my trust
in safety coupling devices.
Your answer?
Not if ] know myself, l don't.
What was then done with you
was led up and down the yard three
times to accustom myself to the noise OF
the trains, thence to the chief dispatcher.
How were you then disposed of?
was seated upon a brake wheel before
a train boy and caused to take the fol-
lowing horrible and binding oath |,
Steve Sears, do hereby and hereon most
everlastingly and diabolically swear by
the great horn spoon, that will always
remit and never conceal any of the cash
collected by me as conductor, and that
will not cut, make, use, collect, or remit
any cash fares less than those found in
the regular tariff book. further prom
Use and swear that | willfreely contribute
to all subscriptions circulated to buy
my superior officer q token OF esteem,
etc, as far as he may desire and my sal
ary permit. To all Of which / solemnly
swear, binding myself under no less a
penalty than that Of having my salary
cut from year to year, all my perquisites
taken away and expended for sand bal
last to put under the Mckinley extern
sion, where the trains come and go twice
in twenty-four hours, sc help me Bob
Ingersoll and keep my backbone stiff.
What did you then behold
The trainmaster's clerk approached me
and presented me with a Bishop safety
coupling knife, and instructed me to take
it TO the yardmaster, who would teach
me how to use it.
How are they used 7?
BY sticking them in the left hip pocket
with the blade turned up.
Mr.. Maxwell here informed the appli-
cant that he was satisfied that he was a
railroad man, and asked him ii he would
be aof'' or "from."
will be off from here ii you will give
me a passenger train.
Have you cigars?
have.
win YOU give them to nae
That is not the II in whict ] get
them. and cannot so dispose OF them.
How can ! get them, then?
Twill match you heads or tails for
them.
I'll 20 you begin.
You begin.
No, begin yourself you have the
cigars.
All aboard You are o. N. Come
around again in the morning and will
arrange to send you down to theTrinity
& Sabine division to take the mixed
train there.-Ex