Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-11-09
JUST FOR FUN.

is it-ague? Very like it. His best
girl shook him.
Papa, why do they call language the
mother tongue? Because the father
so seldom gets a chance to use it.
Cumso-That parrot is a male. Mrs.
Cumso greatly interested)-How do
you know? Cumso-It doesn't talk.
Auntie-Now, Willie, guess my age
and you shall have this stick of candy.
Willie-Can't. I can only count up to
40.
Mrs. Graymare-Do you remember
! the night you asked me to marry you.
The moon was full. Mr.. Graymare-
So was I.
You have nothing to regret, broth
er? tentatively asked the minister.
Nope, said the dying rounder, I amt
leaving cent.
Her Father-Has my daughter Civ
en- you any encouragement, sir?
Suitor-Wel, she said you were al
ways very generous parent.
There is something strange about
these seismic disturbances, said the
thoughtful man; the earth yawns. you
know, when it is most active.s
He-I never smoke a cigarette
without thinking what a fool I am.
She-I didn't know before that there
was any virtue in cigaretts at all.
Tired Byard-De coastin' part of
bicyclin' is all rite. Yer don't half ter
work de pedals. Weary Waller-Yes.
but yer half to hold on an steer, don't
yer?.
One lady said to another: Have you
been to church today? We had
most beautiful sermon on training
children. No, was at home doing it,
was the reply.
Say, Tradely, why does your floor
-4unoo u!gSIeq eqq qoleM 1eAeu Ie4IeM
er? Because things are so cheap
there that thieves prefer to buy and
have the goods delivered.
Teacher severely )-Tommy Smith,
come here; why haven't you learned
your geography lesson? Tommy
cause the papers say there is going
to be change in the map Of Europe.
A valid reason-Magistra you
were innocent, why did you run away
the moment the policeman appeared?
Pat-Because, yer honor, thin cops
do be always arising the wrong
man.
Banner-The foreigners are getting
an awful hold on this country. Cros-
by-They are indeed. Why, I read
over list Of men naturalized by the
court yesterday, and by thunder,
everyone of them was foreigner.
Estelle-You say the young man
you met at the seaside is in the real |
estate business? Florence-Yes; he
told me he was negotiating a very
large transaction-an exchange of |
the postoffice for the custom house.
Daisy-Charley Dudleigh is great |
mimic, isn't he? He is always i'm
personating somebody. Bella-Yes, |
and I think he carries his propensity !
for that sort of thing too far. Why, |
even the ring he gave me was an inni-
tation.
Mrs. Nubbins Myhusband is per-
feet brute. Friend-You amaze me.
Mrs. Nubbins the baby began
teething, nothing would quiet the lit
tie angel but pulling his papa's beard,
and Yesterday he went and had his
beard showed off.
What makes you look SO down in
de mouth? asked Uncle Nose Of Jim
Webster My wife done brok annuder
plate dis mawning. OATS muffin. De
plate don't cost yer more den er
dime. Dat don't hurt much. Hit
don't hurt I reckon yer don't know
dat hits my head she busts de dishes
on.
A laughable incident is related of
the late election. A suspicious look
ing colored veteran was about to de-
post ballot when he was stopped
with: Hold on, there! Haven't you
voted twice already this morning?
No, sub! not in this ward! I amt |
voted twice over heah-not yit! You
must be thinkin' about de fust ward
dar where I live.
The whole story of the great sales attained