Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-10-07
nUMoR OF The DAY.

lie is so short they are DONG some
thing to kill time.-Atchison Globe.
"Why does Stimson always carry big
umbrella closed when it rains?" "He
is afraid the owner may recognize it.
Detroit Free Press.
Lord Nocount (proudlyl-"I can
trace my descent from William the
Conuueror. Cynicus-"You have
been a long time on the downward
path. Truth.
"Does your family sympathize with
you when you have insomnia" Yes.
When l can't sleep l sit up all night
and practice on my accordion. y
Chicago Record.
"Alas! father. l have lost my
heart" walled the heroine. The
villain scowlel. "Careless grill" he
exclaimed between his clinched teeth.
-Philadelphia Record.
For Beginners: Inventor -"j'm
working on cyclometer." Friend
"What is the special feature?' In
ver!tor -'1t registers the number of
times you fall. Puck.
"Haye you read that article How
to Tell Bad EggT" 'No, / haven't;
but my advice would he ii you have
anything important to tell bad egg,
why, break it gently. "--Household
Words.
"This blackberry pie isu't nearly so
good as those mother used to make.
"No; 1 told your mother this morn.
ing when she made it that you woald
be sure to find fault with it. Chicago
Record.
Miss Oldlriend d-"1 declare l begin
to feel that I'm growing old. It's
really unpleasant. Miss Becky Sharpe
eyes, dear, it must be especially so
for one who has been young 80 lopg|
standard.
At the Camping Party: The Crank
--''This is the last time Ill ever camp
outi" The Enthusiast swell, you
shouldn't camp out, unless you can en- :
joyi yourself without being comfort
able. PUCK.
care you taking swimming lessons,
Caabyf' "No. old fellow. It's too
much bother. Ny valet is learning,
and as 1 never go anywhere without
him, If fell in the watah he could
rescue me. "-Harper's Bazar.
A contemporary asks: "How can a
bloomer girl climb a tree when she
sees q cross bull in her path" She
can do it "like little man" That is
one of the advantages Of the homely
boomers. s.-Morristowu Herald.
she-"I thought you said the sea-
side never drew you to it?" He i'm
pressivelyl-"Et vas not the seaside
drew me here" She-"Of course
YOU came by train, didn't you? 1t
was the engine drew you"-illus.
trated Bits.
Precious Time Mrs. Wheeler -"My
husband and decided not to go to
Europe, because it takes too long to
get there" Mrs. Jones-"Too long"
Mrs. Wheeler-"Yes; fancy being un-
able to use ones wheel for six or seven
daysr"-Puck.
Tourist-"5o that's the oldest in
habitant? One hundred and four
years old! No wonder you are proud
of him." Native--"I dunno; he amt
done nothin' in this here place 'cept
grow old, an it's took a sight O. time
10 do that !"-1'it-Bits.
Lost for Ever: ~ was unfortunate
enough to leave my umbrella in q
street car yesterday" remarked Man.
chester. "Whose umbrella was it?"
asked Birmingham. 81 don't know.
borrowed 1t from Snaggs. Pitts
burg Chronicle-Telegraph.
A Lost Heirloom: "There is no
gout in Sir Peroy's family, is there|
"Not now; there was, formerly. 1t
was introduced into family by Sir Ro-
land Highliver, but they have been SO
poor for the last two hundred years
that they couldn't keep it up
Puck.
Helen-"Oh, yes he always thought
the world OF me. Before we were
married he used to say that he was
willing to die tor me-" Nellie-"But
he didn't" Helen-"Of course not.
He was go thoughtful, you know. He
said that he did not dare do it, lest l
should be unable to replace the loss. i"
Boston Transcript.