Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-05-07
FHE J0KER'S BUDGET.


Sarcastic .. Consistent Fatality - TriiIlng
with Science ---Rags Apprsciation..-Lost
His Nsvs--.Fov the Roguss' Gallery.
RARE APPRECIATION.
"Did l understand you to say she was
person Of rare good tasteT" inquired
the King Of Mwpkta.
80 have heard, my lord" answered
his counsellor.
Thereupon he gave orders to serve
the roast UNDERGONE.
HE LOST HIS NERVE.
81 hear SnaggS went to have his wis
dom tooth pulled this morning"
YES"
did he have his nerve with him"
"He did when he sat down. When he
got up the dentist had 1t.
FOR THE ROGUEs' GALLERY.
Eyes, said the sneakthief as NJ. Ber-
tillon turned the X-rays upon his palm,
"this Cathode business Is enough 10
make almost any one seem light-hnger-
ed"
SARCASTIC.
"What does 1t remind you Of when
these homely Mugiet girls wash their
faces?
II don't know. What?
Irrigation Of the plain.:"
CONSISTENT FATALITY.
81 was just dying to see It,"
"Yesw
"Yes; and when saw it it was per-
fectly killing
THRILLING WITH SCIENCE.
'What made that X-rays lecturer so
mad?'
Somebody worked him with piece
Of boneless Goldfish"
WHAT SHE WANTED.
II want proposals"
The new woman with the old face
paused, glancing in surprise at the
startled countenances of the men about
her.
II want proposals"
At first they were unable to believe
their ears, but now their worst fears
were realized.
'As said before, gentlemen, want
proposals"
The assembled men arose in haste
and unanimously broke down the door.
"For bids for the construction Of my
new house." she continued.
But all about her was the stiffness OF
the grave-stillness unbroken, save by
the patter of many feet swiftly dying
away in the distance.
THE ART OF WAR IN CUBA.
Il shall issue proclamation" said
the Spanish commander, giving the
rebels fifteen days to surrender"
"And If they don't surrender" in
quired his lieutenant.
"Well," answered the general, "if
they won't, We'll be no worse Off than
we are now, will weY'-Puck.
ACHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK.
Headmaster addressing the Glass;
How simple and yet sublime is the
beautiful and detailed description
which Pliny, the younger, gives us Of
the house in which he lived.
Solomon aside to his neighbour
Most likely he wanted to sell it,
Wiener Luft.
Fond Parent-Here are two sixpences
for you, Bobby,to put in your little
bank.
Bobby-Fd rather have q shilling, IL
you've got it, pa.
Fond Parent-What for?
Bobby Cos it won't go through the
hole-Tit Bits.
DISGUISED.
Briggs-What! A new bicycle suit!
And so different from the one you had
on the other day.
Griggs-You bet it is! l ran over
woman who lives in the next block,
and don't want her to recognize me.
Truth.
THE WANT FILLED.
"Wobbles needed exercise SO urgent
ly that he bought bicycle, but he
never rides"
"Never ridesT'
"No, he never needs any more exer-
else after he has pumped up his tire"
Truth.
STILL THINKS so.
'You used to say you thought heaven
sent me to yOu," she said, tearfully,
after little family jar.
II see no reason to change my mind
about that now" he returned.
Realty she exclaimed, delightedly.
Certainly. he replied. Then he
spoiled it all by adding "As q punish
Post.
PLENTY OF GOOD SIGNS.
"Did you make much at the deaf and
dumb entertainments"
well, they all made gestures, 30 to
speak,"
WATERPROOF.
Cannot, then, my tears reach your
heart" sobbed the Circassian princess
Certainly not" answered the India
rubber man, with visible asperity. do
you take me for an impostor?"
The laughing hyena In the menagerie
introduced some octave effects, but
otherwise nothing came Of it.-Detroit
~
THE SECRET OF BEAUTY.
Mrs. DE Plain-Doctor, what is the