The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1896-01-25

lies ana tho classics The Center Btroei
Tonsorlal University has been opened
with good-sized freshman class. which,
when graduated. will open up a new era
IN the world OF fazors and scissors The
artist who II an adept IN the moral phil
osophy OF stropplng, and whose knowi-
edge Of the code OF ethics OF his profess
sion II guch that he would never make
tho blnnder OF telling an agricultural
story 10 a seafaring man. is sure 10 be-.
come great favorite with every patron,
oven tho one who shampoos himself
when he takes his weekly bath
These students will also be dermatolo-
giatg. and be thoroughly familiar with
the pathology OF the close shave. They
VIII be able 20 read chakucter in whls-
kcrs. and distinguish the Colorado BIZ
mstaliist by his paint Brush beard as
easily as they can detect Jhe Scotch but
ier by his red side whlfkers that hang
down like bonnet strings OF the Dun
drcary wattles OF an antique gobbier. OF
course. these students win be trained IN
elocutlon and grammar. that their ad-
dress may bo OF the best while perform
lng the professional function upon any
kind OF tnan. from the naughty prime
minister hhd plumber 10 the humble mer-
chant and professional man. lie must
be able 10 discuss the beauties OF IEsop
and Hans Christian Andersen to the
E1aall boy who comes 20 have his hair
cut: and 20 the man who Il dyeing his
white hair black. because be Is in full
mourning. he must be able 10 talk with
gentle dignity on tho subject OF the fell
destroyer. who calls upon king and clown
alike without the formailty Of sending
his card.
Aa an institution OF learping the Center
Street Tonsorial University should take
Its place with the proudest In the land.
Center street should be as well known
as the Palo Alto. Yale. Harvard and the
University OF Pennsylvania. even II II
has TO descend 10 the level OF football 20
attain H. Tho old-time BARRIERS, whose
instincts have never been developed by
an intellectual formula. will go hence TO
the realm which suddenly became the
abiding place OF the car horses when
electricity was introduced as street
car motor
Many n profession which has been
looked down upon from time lmmemoriaI
has suddenly found an impetus which
has placed its adopts upon n higher So
cial footing. And 30 the tonsorlal knight
may, when Center street has graduated
It's first class. rise to the dignity OF a
specialist in medicine. and realize as
handsome an income from his deft touch
and subtle method Of wagglng his jaw
as is enjoyed by the champion pugilIsts.
We congratulate Center street from the
bottom OF our hearts, and trust that
Swinhurne may be selected TO read the
Phil Beta Kappa poem at the first COM
mencement. We also congratulate the
faculty. from the Professor OF Thera-
peuilc Shaving Against the Grain to the
Murphy Lecturer OF Shaving the Dead
In Silence.
Long may fortune smile upon its classic
bowers and make II an Intellectual power
In the land. and an Institution which
shall enshrine the barber In n halo bril-
liantine and give him an equal chance
with the foreign count who Is a barber
In the race for the hand OF the beautiful
milllon-heiress.
r. X. MUNKITTRlcK.