Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1896-04-19
IN THE WOODY WEST.
Sad Experience Of a Newspaper with a
Lively City Editor from the East.
But He Drank Too Much-Had the
Society Editor at a Hanging and
Every One Mixed Up.

Every One Mixed Up.
The Buzzardville Shorter has long
| been known as one Of the livelieSt
sheets in the West, and until recently
could claim with others that 1t had
the largest circulation of any newspa-
per in the Mississippi valley. AT pres
ent, however, its good name is under
a cloud, and It's readers think that
many of their best and most sacred
feelings have been toyed with in a
shockingly coarse and brutal manner.
Explanation and protestation on the
part of the management have proved
unavailing to entirely dispel the I'M
warranted suspicion.
1t all came about in this way:
The managing editor Of the Shorter
had engaged a new city editor. Dur
ing the first week of his incumbency,
he kept the other claimants to the
t,e largest circulation in the State
guessing how the Shorter was going TO
scoop them next. That new city editor
T-as a hustler, and no mistake, but some
CT the boys noticed that he was passion
ately fond of cloves, and suspected that
he used them more to build bas-relief
setting around dstillery zephyr, than
| because he really liked to play the role
OF a human spice mill.
SHOEY PUBLISHER IN DISGUISE. ,
So they were not very much surpris-
ed when they called for their assign
ment slips one afternoon and found
! him as happy as a man about to take
| nd 10 1ty Wy
pering to the speaking tube: Shay, I'm
Shoey Publisher n dis-hic-guise. Pos
sibly, it was because they were over
awed by this startling piece of intelli-
gence that the boys did not protest
against their assignments. They were
! good boys and knew how to obey or
ders, even when they emanated from an
animated cask OF high proof spirits.
They cheerfully set about their work,
and did their best.
The sporting editor had been assign
ed TO the Household Hints" column,
and every housekeeper in Buzzardvile
gasped when she turned to her favorite
column of dyspepsia breeders next
! morning and read:
HOUSEHOLD HINTS.
How TO make delicious doughnuts
under Clarion Farland's prize food
rules:
See that your flour is in the pink of
condition and weigh in to make sure
that it is not overweight. Then rub
down with a couple of eggs and some
butter. Freshen with sugar, and after
the first miXup retire it to a corner.
When all the ingredients are in chan
Gerry, lead cautiously with your right
and counter with your left, getting in
few stiff punches on the dough. Fry
in three minute rounds until the dough
is all knocked out. Have the lard hot
or the doughnuts will be groggy. Taste
for a decision"
"a Cooling Summer Drink-Take a
large water pitcher holding about two
gallons, and carefully pour out all the
water. Next take 90 cents and the
pitcher to the corner. Serve in long
glasses, pouring carefully to avoid any
collar. Before drinking, glance to-
ward your guests, and say, Here how -
ANSWERS TO THE ANXIOUS.
"Mame-If Charley persists in kiss
ing you against your will, you should
gently jolt his jaw or tap his claret
lightly. Even if you do love him dear
| ly. you must not let him forget that you
are a lady.
PEARL would trim the skirt with
a razzle-dazzle of green. and wear a
pink sweater with it. This is one of
the new effects.
Young Mother-To Cure Group.
4 i 10. tn
phlegm in the throat loosens, and re-
move with button hook Then give
the little darling stiff hot Scotch and
put her to bed"
| The society editor had been sent to
do Kid Starbuck's hanging, and his ac-
count of it. run on the first page, only
| served to increase popular Indignation.
! 1t read:
| "A SELECT GATHERING.
Zone of the most exclusive little af-
| fairs OF the season took place at the
! Rustler coInty Jail yesterday. The oc-
casion was the farewell reception of our
| fellow townsman, Mr.. Starbuck, and a
number of representative citizens were
present to see him off. Sheriff Jerkens
was assisted in receiving the guests by
two deputy sheriffs
Before leaving, Mr.. Starbuck. in a
few well chosen words, thanked his
| friends for their kindness, remarking
with characteristic humor that while it
was felt imperative that he should go
| to a warmer climate, he would undoubt-
| eddy see all who were present at some
! future time. Mr. Starbuck then drop
ped out of sight. reappearing, however,
in minute and staying for half an
hour longer.
When last seen he was being rapidly