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The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1896-02-15

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The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1896-02-15

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The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
THE GHOST TRAIN.
BY CY WARNAN.

When the Rio Grande Western was a
Borrow gauge road it was very crooked.
Even in the Utah desert there were
many curves among the sand hills that
have been piled up during the past few
thousand years. \ locomotive-one of
atype known as Sewing machines" be-
cause all their machinery was in sight
was trying 10 make a spur for the
general managers special, against
which she had a time order. The time
LAS growing alarmingly short, and the
driver of the light engine knew that
the man on the special, with the gen
eral manager behind him, would be
%srowding the limit. These Sewing
machines" were famous riders. The
springs We're so light and so perfectly
adjusted that one of these locomotives
would ride as easily to the engineer
as a Pullman car does TO a commercial
traveller, with ole seat for himself and
another for his feet. As the little ma
chine rocked round the corners, scream
ing ut every curve, the engineer and
fireman kept n sharp lookout ahead,
at the same time counting the minutes
and reckoning the miles that still lay
between them and the spur.
Down the desert IN of the swiftest
engines on the road was trembling
away toward the sewing machine, and
at the end of each minute the two To-
comotives were ~ miles nearer each
other.
To be allowed to pull" the general
manager is an honor earnestly striven
for by engineers. and when once OBJ
tanned it is carefully guarded. What
ever record n man makes at the head CT
such a train is sure to count for or
against him, since he is then direct
" under the eye of the management.
The chances are always in favor Of a
good run, for the train dispatcher, with
his own reputation at stake, can be de-
pended upon to keep the track clear.
He will hold a passenger train ten min
utes rather than hold the special five.
Another point in favor of the special en-
gineer is the fact hat he is due at no
particular point at any specified time,
and having no time card TO hold him
down he may regulate the speed of the
train 10 suit himself. He is always an
experienced runner who knows The
road-knows every low joint and high
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
PLEADING A CASE IN INDIA.
Unconscious Humor Found in q Nativ
Attorneys Argument.

A native pleader in India ~assailed the
court recently with the following ar
ray of native ~eloGuen:e: MY learned
friend, with mere wind from 4 tea
pot, thinks to browbeat me from my
legs. But this is mere gorilla warfare.
l stand under the shoes of my client
and only seek to place my bone of cor
tention clearly in your honor's eyes.
My learned friend vainly runs amuck
Your honor will be pleased enough to
observe that my client is 4 widow. a
chap with one post-mortem son.
"A widow of this country, your honor
will be pleased enough to observe, is
not like a widow of your honor's coul-
try. y widow of this country is not
able to eat more than II meal a day,
or to wear clean clothes, or to look
after a man. So my poor client had
not such physic or mind as to be able
10 assault the lusty complainant. Yet
she has been depriven of some of her
more valuable leather. the leather of
some OF her nose. My learned friend
HIS tHIONN OilIN ali dI ullCIl dh AOii-
my upon my teeth. that my clients
witnesses are all her own relations.
But they are not near relations. Their
relationship is only homeopathic. So
the misty arguments of my learned
friend will not hold water. At least
hey will not hold good water. Then,
my learned friend has said that there
is on the side of his client a respectable
witness-namely, a pleader-and since
this witness is independent, so he should
be believed. But your honor. with your
honor's vast experience, is pleased
enough to observe that truthfulneSs
is not so plentiful as blackberries i'll
this country. And l am sorry to say,
though this witness is a man of my
own feathers, that there are in my pro-
fession black sheep of every complex
ion, and some of them do not always
speak Gospel truth. Until the witness
explains what has become of my clients
nose leather he cannot be believed. He
cannot be allowed to raise a castle i'll
the air by beating upon a bush. so,
trusting to this, administration of Brit
ish Justice on which the sun never sits,
l close my case."-Pittsburgh Dis
patch.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
Perhaps" said the colonel. "ther.

Perhaps" said the colonel, "there
was not when we went down, but there
is now, for ! saw a locomotive standing
there"
The conductor laughed as the super
intendent had done, but the colonel
offered to risk a case of champagne that
he had seen no "gnost" train, and the
superintendent took the bet as thu
easiest way of settling an argument
which was about to become embarrass-
ing.
When the special reached Green river
the party went into the eating house,
where supper had been ordered, and, as
was the habit, the colonel sat at tae
same table with the train ard engine
crew.
What did you shut off for just this
side of Coyote spur, Sam?" asked the
colonel. looking the engineer in the eye,
and instantly the eyes of the whole
party were upon the drivers dusky face.
The engineer was speeches.. Not
that the circumstances had escaped his
mind, for as a matter of fact he had
thought of little else, but he knew not
how to nswer
Did you think that engine was on
the main line?" asked the general man
ager, noticing the embarrassment of
the engine crew.
What engine?" asked the engineer,
trying to look and speak naturally.
There was only II engine there
besides your own" vas the colonel's
response. viii you be good enough
10 answer my question:"
Well" thought the driver, 'ifTve got
EN- the G.. Ms got en-" and he an
swered: II did think she was on the
main stem"
What did you think, Harry asked
the superintendent of the fireman, who
was staring ut the engineer. The fire
man only closed his eyes and shook
his head slowly, as though he consid-
cred them all crazy, and his long lashes,
dark with coal dust, lay upon his newly
washed face like the lashes of a chorus
girl.
Did you see anything on your side"
asked the colonel. whC was determined
70 unlock the lips of the fireman.
Not a thing" said Harry. Il don't
believe in ghosts"
1T will not he necessary for you TO
take out G3 tan accident report), but
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
AT THAT INSTANT II ''aswING IA
CHINE" HAD JUMPED TRACK.

| wish you would tell me what YOU saw
ard how it affected YOU" said the gem
eral manager, addressing the engineer.
May l ask you first if YOU saw any
thing, colonel?" said the drivcr.
Il saw Il locomotive standing on 4
| spur or siding just east of Coyote"
when | saw her first" raid Sam,
taking courage from the col3uel's ON
f~ession, she was bang in front of us
coming out Of a cut like n ball out OF a
cannon. l saw it was all up With us,
but | naturally shut otf-mcchGnically,
so to speak. Think | hooked her over,
but l didn't whistle, open the sand
valve 0 set the air-thcy want no
Tsc-no time-but just then l thought
of little Sammi2 as | saw him last,
hangin' on the fence by the seat Nv his
! pants. an it seemed to NE that | never
see anything quite so funny, and [
laughed that hard that the tears came
in my eyes and blinded me. Then the
thought came to me that we were q
long time coming together. so | looks
ahead an there want Il thing in sight.
l ASKED Harry if he see anything an
he lied an asked if | see anything an
1 lied, too, an opened up the throttle
again. That's all 1 know about it"
There was a noticeable increase in
the attention of the company, and Tim
Flarrity. the fireman, leaning low 20
ward the table, crossed himself AID
lenfured the prediction that theywouTd
have n head-end collision before they
reached the junction. Il never see a
ghost train show up yet that didn't
mean something" he added, but the
burst of laughter that followed closed
his circuit. and he said NJ more.
Now the agent came in with n num-
Der of messages for the supPrin-
tendcnt. and as the official began read
ing the first Of the lot he began to
smile.
Read it out" said the colonel. Per
haps it will tell us something about
the ghost" The superintendent read:
Engine 81 is off the track and near
ly off the right of way 1000 yards east
of Coyote spur but still on her feet"
That explained the ghost engine. At
the lnSIIHI when inc engineer SMUT Oll,
the sewing machine" just then round
ing a sharp curve. jumped the tack, 1T
square on her wheels and went plOw-
ing out over the hard adobe of the
desert. She rolled and rocked for a
few seconds and then came to a stop
with the engine men still standing IN
the cab. The engine had been work.
ing hard and if the throttle had re-
manned open she might have made the
curve all right. but the sudden relaxa-
ton of all her tension caused a jar that
threw her off her feet, but it was a
lnray jar for her crew.
Since that time, however, old Sam
has been in hard luck. He has already
lost three legs. The last one, being
caught under an engine, was chopped
eff by the conductor with an ordinary
ak to prevent the engineer being roast
ed alive. Those who witnessed the
operation say that Sam rested on one
elbow and smoked a cigar while the
conductor hacked away at his ankle.
II was a wooden ,eg.-Atlanta Constitu-
ton
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
o WOMEN'S FEET.
Does Intellect Govern the Size or
Them?

Does Intellect Govern the Size OF
Them?
y truly beautiful foot must be free OF
all blemishes, and in perfect proportion
TO the leg and stature. The instep
should be high, or moderately high, and
the portion under the instep hollow
and we'll raised above the level of the
sole: the toes regular and well de-
veloped, the heel narrow and non-pro-
iecting. The general outline of the
perfect foot is long, slender and grace
full. The toes of the beautiful foot TAG
cording to FlaXman) should follow each
other inIperceptibly in a graceful curve
from the first to the fifth, and in a Greek
foot, according to the most famous
statues, the second toe was made longer
than the great toe. The beauty OF the
longer second toe is disputed.
1t is true that small feet are consid-
cred by many a mark of aristOcracy,
but they certainly do not indicate su-
periority of intellect. for many brainy
women of supreme intelligence have had
very large feet.
George Eliot, for example, and Mime.
de Staci. the most brilliant woman in
tellectually, of her day, had such large
and %ungainly feet that she was made
miserable by the consciousness of their
undue proportions. Nine. lie Stael oncc
ventured to assume the role of Greek
statue in some tableauX wants, and
was grievOusly offended by the witty
Tallyrand's bon mot, that he recognized
the impersonator at one by the pied
de stael."
The high French heel is accountable
not only for the distortions of the first
joint of the great toe, but for innumcr-
able feminine internal complaints. be-
sides which it is utterly impossible for
any woman alive 10 walk or dance grace
fully in high French heels.
1t is said that a fashionable French
woman once asked 4 famous artist how
to acquire 4 graceful carriage, and was
told to take off her high-heeled shoes.
place them on top of her head, and prac-
tice walking until she coulL do so with
out the little shoes showing the slight
est CULVER of motion.
when you walk" he said, with those
shoes perfectly balanced, you will have
the gait of Il goddess, and for the first
time since French heeled shoes were in
vented they will really have served to
help and not TO disfigure a woman
Chicago Inter ocean.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
IT'S VERA WEEL.

It's vera weel, throughout the day.
When ta'en up wi wark or play,
To think a man can live Away
Wfoot a wiley.
It's vera weel when cla'es are new,
To think they'll always last Just SO,
And look as we'll as they do moo,
Wfoot a wiley.
But when the holes begin to show.
The stitches rip. the buttons go,
What in the warl's a man to do
Wfoot a WHEY?
It's vera weel when skies are clear.
When frien's are true, and lassies dear,
To think yen gang through life, nae fear
Wfoot a WHEY.
But clouds will come the skies athwart
Lassies will marry, frien's maun part;
What then can cheer you saddened heart,
A dear, wee wiley.
It's vera weel when young n hale,
But you're aud, and crazed and frail
And your blithe spirits gin to fail,
You'll want a WHEY.
But mayhap then the lassie dear
Will treat your offers VT a sheer:
Because you're cranky, gray and sere,
Yen get nae wiley.
Then haste ye. haste, We silly LOOM;
Rise up and seek about the toon,
And get Heavens greatest earthly boon,
A wee bit wiley.
Great Thoughts.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02

Parents cannot discharge their obi
cations vicariously. The Sunday-schooi
teacher does a good work when done in
the fear and love of God. But the Sun
day-school teacher cannot undo the
ruins that follow parental neglect. The
preacher may do much for a child neg
lccted at home, but ne cannot give what
has been denied the child by u%nfaithful
parents. Parents only can do parents
duty. We need revival in home govern
ment; then we will grow a race of men
and women capable of noble deeds.
\ boy neglected by father and mother
and growing up in all willful ways will
never be what he might have been had
his father and mother been faithful to
him. Even conversion does not make 4
boy what he would have been if
taught obedience and drilled in the
elementary virtues of childhood. And
this not a few will deny, but it is the
truth, as both the Bible and experience
make plain.-Detroit Free Press.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02

center, every curve and sag on the di-
vision-consequently the officers put
no limit upon the speed of the train,
but leave it all to the good judgment of
the engineer. 1t was Il clear, dry day in
the early autumn, the very best time OF
the year for a fast run, and "Old Sam"
has been gauging his speed for so miles
back so as to hit Coyote spur on the
dot, and break the record for fast run
ming on the Alkali division.
BY the rules of the road five minutes
were allowed for the variation OF
watches, but the rule is Aot always
wholly respected, and as the man on the
special was known to be a daring driver
the sewing machine crew saw hat they
were in a close place long before the
smoke of the approaching locomotive
was seen. Now they had barely five
minutes left and nothing for the varia-
ton and the coveted siding four miles
away. If the opposing train failed to
respect the "fye-minute rule" she
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
HUMOROUS.

land will you love me eternsllyr
Lieutenant-"How can you ask such .
question? 1 always love eternaliy.-
Fliegende Batter.
-Yeast-"Did the colonel draw his
sword in defense of his country?"
Crimsonbeak-"No: only a pension
Yonkers Statesman.
-Mother-"And are you sure that he
loves you?" Daughter-"Of course I
am. Can't 1 see how he stares at me
whenever I an not looking at him?-
Fliegende Batter.
-Binks-'There really is some honor
about thieves" Waglets Flows
thatT" Binks-"A burglar tried to
break into my house last night. I fred
at him" Waglets-"Well?" Binks-
with a keen sense of the obligation I
had conferr,1 upon him he promptly
returned the ire."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
-Inquiring Tourist Tin an Oklahoma
restaurant)-"This is a novel idea Of
yours, surely, calling your guest to din
ner by firing off one barrel Of your
shotgun. But, pardon me, why do you
discharge only one barrel?" Proprietor
Early Bird Restaurant-"I keep the
other bari to collect payment for the
dinner with."-HaIper's Bazaar.
Mr.. Higgins and Miss Djmple had
been discussing marriage in An i'm
personal manner, when the young lady
announced her preference in this way:
The man l marry must be handsome,
talented, amiable, courageous, and with
out a fault of any sort whatever" This
is very sudden" replied Mr.. Higgins.
81 thoroughly appreciate the honor you
confer upon me, but you will give me
a week to consider, 1 suppose."-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Not Up to Expectations. - City
Nephew-"Suppose We try an omelet,
Uncle Jerry. That's one of the special
ties at this restaurant" Uncle Jerry
(from Upcreek)-"An right. That'l
suit me as well as anything" City
Nephew Ito the waiter)-"Bring US two
omelets." Uncle Jerry % few minutes
.ater)-"I don't know what you've got,
George, but they've brought me some
baked custard 'thout any sugar in it."
Chicago Tribune.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
Attributed to Bismarck.

"Ah, yes" said Bismarck, as he pro
ceeded to light an excellent Havana,
1.-THE value of a good cigar is best under
stood when it is the last one you pos
sess, and there is no chance of getting
another. At Koniggratz l had only one
cigar left in my pocket. This l care
fully guarded during the whole battle
as a miser does his treasure. i did not
feel justified in using it. Ipainted with
glowing colors in my mind the happy
hour when 1 should enjoy it after VIC
tory. But 1 had miscalculated my
chances. A poor dragoon lay helpless,
with both arms crushed, moaning for
something to refresh him. 1 felt in my
pockets and found 1 had only gold,
which would be of no use 10 him. But
stay have still my treasured cigar.
l lighted this for him and placed it be-
tween his teeth. You should have seen
the poor fellows grateful smile! l
never enjoyed a cigar 81 much as that
one which 1 did not smoke."-Detroit
Free Press.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
The Obstacle to 1~nternatIonal Arbitration.

Ii Obstacle to international Arbitration.
The real obstacle in the way of in
ternational arbitration is not so much
a lack OF efficacy in the method, as the
lack of a disposition to try it The sys-
tenn OF arbitration necessarily presup-
poses that nations desire an amicable
adjustment of their differences. Such
an adjustment may be prevented either
by a wilful opposition to it, or by the
adoption of q style of controversy
hat renders argument impracticable.
Against such obstacles it is difficult to
contend, since their direct tendency
and effect is to bring about a collision
before an arbitrator can intervene. It
is obvious that arbitration can no more
afford an absolute safeguard against
such contingencies than can a system Of
municipal law absolutely prevent men
from attempting to settle their differ
noes by fighting in the street,
if they desire thus to revert to primal
conditions. Yet severe penalties,
strictly enforced, may reduce such
chances to n minimum; and it is con-
ceivable that a scheme of international
action might be devised so compre-
bensive as to render a resort to war eX-
ceedingly difficult and hazardous
Century.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
WHY CRIME FLOURISHES.
1t Is Regarded rs Honorable In Certain
Quarters

1t Is Regarded as Honorable In Certain
Quarters.
l was going in the recorders court
the other afternoon when met an old
oman coming out, and as she had a
happy look on her face l jumped to the
conclusion that some prisoner in whom
she was interested had been set at lib
erty.
SAY" she whispered, as she laid a
OBTAINING hand on my arm. did yees
heal what the recorder had to say to me
sol Jimmy i'll there?"
NO, ma'am; I'm just going in"
"Ah! sir, it was something to make
the folks in Cherry street who have been
Growing over me take a back seat. He
talked to me Jimmy fur at least five
minutes"
us Jimmy your n
Hes nothing less, sir, and q bewtiful
boy he is, too. He was arrested wild de
gang fur Robin a shoe store. The
folks in Cherry street, who are jealous
of me and Jimmy, you know, was tellin'
around that he'd get off with 60 days at
ulOSL, Willie JIle OLLcIS NOulu bAtd lcdSk
three years apiece. l couldn't sleep
last night fur fear they'd have some
thing new to crow over"
Has Jimmy been sentenced?"
Indeed, he has, and not five minutes
ago. He walked in as proud as you
please and he never shifted a leg while
his honor was talking to him. 1t was
his first time, sir, but if he'd a-bin your
brother you'd a-bin proud to him."
what was his sentence?"
Five years, sir-fiye years at Sing
Sing, and that was a year more than any
of the rest got. They was from Cherry
street and it took 'em aback more thanI
can tell ye."
And you are rejoicing because your
son has been sent to prison for five
years."
"Phist! It's proud and rejoicing 1
AM to know that if he had to go his
honor took him for the leader of the
gang and made it five years instead Of
60 days. That makes him a boy to be
looked up to, and I'll hear no more from
the Cherry street folks a. was Boosting
that me Jimmy was only q kid and
would be put to bed in the Tombs!"-
Detroit Free Press.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
4 Delicious Bererage.

When grapes are plentiful a most
delicate and delightful beverage may
be obtained by pressing the juire from
the grapes. Little presses are to he had
for the purpose. But many grapes arc
necessary to make this delicious drink.
Thus treated, the useless seeds, skins
and pulp are prevented from burdening
and taxing the digestive apparatus,
and nothing can be nicer than this
tresh- rich, grape iuicc.-Womar kind.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
A Remarkable Child.

'Come, little girl, tell me what is your
name and how old you are?' asked an
old bachelor, who was visiting the Yer
ger family.
The child holds back and refuses to
talk.
Mother-That's the way she is. She
never likes TO talk to gentlemen.
"Gumph! If she keeps that up, shs
wif.. make a splendid wife some of these
daJs."-TeXas Sitter.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02
One OF Its Coming Uses.

Doctor latter a brief examination)-.
Has he been eating unripe fruit or any
thing of that kind?
Johnny's Mother-O, no, doctorl I
know everything he has eaten! He
hasn't been out of the house to-day.
Doctor producing improved camera)
Well, We'll find out in a few moments
Just what the young man has been
Johnny-It's green apples, mamma
Wow. o! o! Ooh!-Chicago Tribune,
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1896-05-02

Justice-What's your nameS
Drunk-S-s-s-h-
"What?"
"S-s-s-h---"
Officer, what is this mar charged
~ith?"
Il guess, your honor it's soda water
Brooklyn Life.
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1896-11-13
Hollow S,lafting.

The use Of hollow shafting instead Of
solid appears to be gaining in favor,
the principle, Of course, not being new,
but mechanical difficulties presenting
themselves in certain applications. For
instance. pulley is sometimes fastened
to shaft by means of bit of metal
called a key wedgcd in between the
two, a slight recess Or seat being cut in
the shaft ard the inner surface of the
wheel to receive it, and thus, SO long as
the shaft is solid, tho key can be driven
inward without special care. If, how
ever, the shaft were hollow, it might
spring slightly under the pressure and
its shape be to that degree distorted.
But the fact is now coming to be recog-
nized that screw olamping bolts run
ming radially inward from the hub Of a
pulley will grip the shaft as firmly as
a key, the latter being pronounced need
less by experts. -New York Sun.