The morning times., 1896-04-05
Unc!e Sam. Columbia, and Various
Characters Well Known to ALI
True Americans Are in the
Cast Which Figures
in This Drama.
Ye LOSS OF Ye PYE.
A Lamentable Romaunt in Two
Parts, With a Moral.
PIace-A Country House of coasin
Jonathan.
Time-Very Near Ye Present.
Ys LOSS OF Ye PYE.
PART /.

Scene: A dining room. Cousin Jonathan at
ye head OF ye table, which is decorated
with Easter lilies and vlands. Ye Gem
OF ye Ocean is his vis-a-vis Promis-
cuously around the table are Britannia,
Germaine, NJ. Crapaud, Hum berto,
Mile. Crapaud, Alexander, Oscar, John
Bull, Joseph, Leopold, William, lords,
ladies, American women and men servi-
tors and plain house servants.
JOnathan-Most potent and worshipful
PATENTS OF antiquity, bid you welcome 10
Briar Bush, our some tine ancestral home
Now, let the shrilling trombone and the
plaintive bassoOn make tremuIous the raft
ers with the song and dance OF the cen
tury. The winter Of our disconteut hath
gone TO Join the invisible choir whence no
traveller returns who hath heard il once.
Grim -yisagcl war no longer shans the POM
padour front and mOnarchy's noble brow
wearelh rather the humid towel than the
sere and withered laurel leaf.
All hail, then, ye wio have supped fun
Of Turkey and homer II the rude. Yet not
nho>pitaulc, boaru Cf tie y IlI Il eny range.
Yet l would DO but sCant courtesy To cur
royal sister ofSpain dii not the eagle eye of
hospitality note that sic is responsible for
the vacant chair
Omnes-BraviSsimo!
Joseph-AlosU noble cousin CT the West!
We bear you a message from our niece OF
Spain, who babe me CntTeaJ your excel
leney TO excuse her pre- Sence. The battle
royal OF The bulls of Andalusia is 10 Lecin
Oh the morrow, when lie most renowned
matador, Weyier, Is 10 STAY the first bull
IOrIhc hon or Of q Cd and the glory OF Spain.
AleXanier-IS that the il!EstrIous gen
eral OF tbc late war in the Island Of Cuba?
a strange change in arms methinks from
the officers sword to the butchers glaive
NJ. Crapaud-N0, no; it is the saline. Tie
change Is in the animal.
eph-Ry the beard OF the HapSburgs,
1t is just the least bit odd to hear Johnnie
Crapaud pirate of mercy TO rebels aud wild
bulls. l Ihiuk have read somewhere Of
a guillotine and drowning 10000 men in
river OF France.
If. apaGd-Pardon, your majesty.
did not know you had cOrns. l think also
read some where in q novel that one OF your
ancestors sold his daughter to a little
countryman OF mine, when he nee led new
wife and a timely father-in-!aw.
Columbia-Come, come, gentlemen, this
is not washing day. We can have the soied
linen attended to hereafter. The wash
lady gets around TO Briar Bush on Mon days
and Saturdays.
Britannia iaside to Germainel-The i'm
pudent mink! There's slap on The jowl
Of royalty for you. The jadel
Germaine-I could brain her with a cake
of this bourgeois cOrubread.
Cousin Jonathan-win the head of the
house of HOhenZollern help itself TO an
other sweet Potato?
Mile. Crapaud-And will my sister Britain
mia pass me the Irish potatoes? / have
heard that the house of Hanover has not
much appetite for the Irish cult.
Britannia tviciously)-New York, ] be-
lieve. is in America.
columbia-SO were Lords Howe and
Cornwalis. britannia and Columbia glare
at each other in a strictly female friendly
fashion, while the Italian band plays
the "MarScillaise."
Leopold-By the way, Cousin Jonathan
what has become Of Mr.. Bayard? Thanks!
That corn whisky is excellent.
Cousin Jonathan-Oh, Bayard? He's 81
home again.
william-RecaIled?
Columnia-NO, just staid there.
P-''a7nia-An excellent gentleman, your
majesty.
n.aI,.m-Dldn't like the pork he sent
TO Germany.
Brjtannia-He wasn't responsible for the
American quality.
Columbia-None the less, the American
bog is patriot and a roOter for thing
on this side OF the pond.
Gemaine Our Black Forest porkeri
make, however. the best Frankfurtcrs.
Humberto-And there is nothing the
matter with the bologna OF historic uni
versty fame.
Cousin Jonathan-This gaStronomic sym
postum reminds me, friends, 10 ask you
how about Turkey in Europe?
Oscar-Oh, what a feast that was. Jo
seph had the head and neck. Britannia
had the wings and Alexander Nichola