The Monitor-register., 1896-01-17
AN I%MPECUNIOUS ONE.
THE BOLD GAME OF BLUFF HE PLAYED
ON THE CONDUCTOR.

Wv tIlE SOTNOOO IOR.
He Wa Not a Gambler OF a Drummer.
but a Bank Clerk-According to the
Man Who Tells the Story. He Ought to
Be an Actor-oh, 1t Was Wicked,
He sat in a hotel smoking room. The
air was blue, but men were happy
happy and reminiscent. He stretched
put his legs, thrust his hands deep into
his pockets, and between the puffs D
this yarn:
"For dead cold, icy nerve 1 had al
ways thought We travelling men took the
cake. But the prettiest game of bluff 1
ever saw was put Up by a man who was
neither a drummer nor a reporter, but
merely an overworked bank clerk who
had applied for a leave of absence and
gone south to recuperate. He had drawn
p certain sum for the trip and resolved
not to exceed it. Foolishly he had neg
qected to buy an excursion ticket, argu-
ing that he might want to return by a
different route. And then, as a matter
of course, he found that he had spent his
money not wisely but too we'll, so that
he was hundreds of miles from home.
ticketless and friendless and we'll nigh
penniless. His checkbook was useless,
ear one knew him and he must be
NEHSe
learned later on. Ny ac-
quaihs Filth him began on the train
of one - the southern roads, when he
asked me to stake him enough to see
him home. l had already been touched
several times that trip, so, expressing ev-
cry confidence in his probity, I declined
the honor he would do me. He tried
several other passengers with a like re-
suit. Then he gave it up, but made us
all promise not to interfere with any
game he tried to play
Presently the conductor came along.
The impecunious one, his hat cooked
over one eye, was peacefully sleeping in
one orne Of his seat Ileaning toward
an open window. The conductor shook
him, gently at first, so that he stirred,
and his hat dropped farther over his
eye, but he did not wake. Then more
roughly, saying, Come. sir, your ticket,
please.
Sat that the impedlnious Il awoke
with a big start. His hat flew out of the
window, and he fewinto a great rage.
He swore at the conductor and abused
him up and down, HIM and his fore
fathers unto the thirdhnd fourth gener-
alton. What did h@ mean by waking
him in that way? Didn't he know that
rest was invaluable team invalid? That
such a sudden, rude awakening might be
fatal to a weak hearth We're his nerves
of no account? And nsw he had lost his
hat and would catch cold. 1t was out
rageous.
"The conductor lowed before the
storm, and when it h,d somewhat abat-
ed offered to replace he hat at the first
stopping place. 'Andnow, sir, let me
see your ticket, pleasf
1.-THE impecunious bne felt in all his
pockets, went through them all again
with a bewildered air, Finally he broke
out: why, you idiot,lyou, all my tick
cts, not only on this load, but straight
through to Chicago, WIRE in the lining
of my hat, and you Knocked it out of
the window. I'm i'll a pretty pickle
now. I haven't enough with me to buy
a fresh set. This piece of idiocy will
cost you your job. IIl'report you to the
company and teach ypu to be more care
full how you startle anervous man.
1.-THE conductor trifd to soothe him,
offered to take him %rough~to the end
of the division. Butfthe impecunious
one would not be app{ased. Much good
it would do him to De landed in some
little nearby, one hose southern town
hundreds Of miles fiom nowhere. He
wanted to get through to Chicago. He
must get through. He had an appoint
ment there that wasTorth thousands Of
dollars. Finally the conductor, by this
time badly frightened, promised to get
him tickets or passes all the way
through, and the impecunious one sub
sided. And to the end Of that road the
conductor, having replaced the dear de-
parted hat, maintained an humbly apol-
ogetic tone that would have wrung tears
of blood from a stone.
"And it was only a bluff all SO we'll
carried out that the conductor was
completely taken In, and the rest Of us
rubbed our eyes and wondered whether
the impecunious ones attempt to touch
us was not, after all, a dream.
Later on, travelling over that same
road, I told the conductor how he had
been worked. And he said he knew it,
for shortly after that trip he had receiv-
ed a letter and a check the former con-
Tossing the fraud, the latter paying him
the full price of the passage. And he
added THAT fellow was a genius. If he
had made a fuss at first about his tick
cts, I'd have been ON to him in a min
ute, but his tickets were forgotten. 1t
was his nerves, his health, his heart, his
hat that were Of Importance. And to
think that he had nc nerves, or health,
Or hat-or heart. Oh, it was wicked
But that man has missed his vocation.
He ought to be on the stage. "-Chica-
60 Tribune.