Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-04-23


What part @ Scotland do you come
from, my man?"
With punctilious salute the reply
was:
"Tipperary, yer honor!'
The ticket-checkers at a railway sta
ton not far from Edinburgh considering
themselves very smart. were cordially
disliked by the travelling public.
In revenge for some previous incivil-
lty, traveller, on the familiar call of
Tickets, please" beamingly asked the
collector if "he'd take !, nip
:, After scanning the platform to see if
the coast was clear, the victim cordially
assented;. whereupon the traveller, hand
ing him the familiar piece of pasteboard
remarked: ''Take it cot O. that, then!'
The vicious slam of the carriage door
lnadequately represented the collectors
feelings.
simpleton in Albany that he would throw
him over the narrow part of the Hudson
river. The man was foolish enough to
take the bet.
A large crowd went down to see the
performance, and Sothern, with great
composure, Selling the man by the nape
of the neck and the slack of his trous-
river.
The green one came out putting and
blowing, saying:
You've lost your bet.''
I'm be hanged if I have.'' said
Sothern. Il only wanted to get some
idea of your weight, and I'll throw all
day till get you over..'
The man, however, had already had
one throw too much, and declined to
have any more.
An inventory was being taken of an
old Irishwoman's farmyard stock, and
the inspector, coming to the end of the
list, summed up by asking:
Have you any more pigs, or quad
rupeds of any kind?'
The old lady replied:
''Arrah! divyle Quadruped in the
whole place barrin' two ould hins
(hens).'
There are doctors and doctors, but, one
of the most intelligent Of all these
friends Of humanity was one who had
the courage recently to give. bit Of adj
vice to the head of family not many
miles from Norwich. The head of the
family was robust but eNacting, healthy
but rritable-in short, veritable domes-
tic martinez.
Il don't know what is the matter with
my family. DOCTOR he said; .'but my
wife is nervous, my children are suffer
ing from something, | don't know what
in fact. the whole house is upset. Even
the servants seem vaclllatlng. and Dor
dering on nervous prostratlon.
Il think it would be all right" said
the doctor, ''if you We're to take six
months holiday-alone.' az,
..I?'' cried the paterfamilias. The on.
ly really healthy member of the family
yes said the doctor gravely. "You
10
family. London Answers.
An old farmer and his ploughman
were carting sand from the seashore ad-
ioinine the golf links at St. Andrews.
They were Immediately. behind the tar
get on the rifle range, but hldden py
bank of sand from party OF volunteers
who were then at practice.
Somehow a stray bullet struck the
nloughman in the foot, who immediate
" dropped, exclaimlng:
I'm shot.
Without more ado the farmer scram-
bled up the bank, and, waving fran1lcaI-
ly to the volunteers, shouted: hey,
stop that! You've shot man, ana II
might have been the horse.'-London
Answers.
During one of the recent windy days
in New York a discussion arose between
some gentlemen at dinner about the
velocity of wind. Each related a ooas1-
ful story Of his own experiences. one
If the PARTY. hardy Westerner saId ne
- onca riding in a train through Kan
.s;rbere was what is called out there a
,;oht hreeze' blowing. | had occasion TO
look out of the window, and the moment
I nut my head out off went my nat.
What did you dor asked one Oh Tue
party. sorora, noonlo told
NO NOT to worry. that the breeze was
strong enough to take 1t there, | Sor.
If wondered what they meant. but tnat
hat was handed to me. by the statlon
agent at our next stop, about forty niiies
from where it blew out OF the window
We came along pretty fast, tool guess
about fifty miles an hour. put lme1
a;nbtv miles an hour for wind is called
"a lioht breeze in that country, ana .he
hat went by the eighty mlle route
Harper's Round Table.
She was pretty and pert. and as the
..ea+or train swayed around the hlsn
ives Of Harlem four men III oresS
su;ts glanced at her approvlnsN. Al Al
su 81 onca She made a discovery and ner
manner let everyone INTO ner secIe,. oie
Of her shoes was unlaced. Al nrst SUE
made a show of stooplhg 20 We ~ ~
h,,+ sba was not comfortably adjusted
e ~. ian;na her own shoes. 1t tact, It
i lua nhysical impossibility. Inc TOUR
e,snr MOI, in dress suits saw Il, ana
soon were discussing the young woman
di. .I'li make bluff at it, anyway, said
one Of them as the train left the t III ,a
street station. Whereupon; al, 70 s st,e sb
ngn, % IF n those who hadn't observed the
situation. he arose and. kneeiins, az sia..
Feet feet Of the fair one, he. raised his nat
politely and said: -,
May / have the?. etc. ;nn Two rows
Her red ta l9s p whs fant color mount
80 "I # YOU viii be 50 kind. she SAID. 800
II WIS . mighty pretty foot, and none
- a,,;cLiv fhe lob was Gone neatly ana