davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
Town OF SUI

ing OF the Town Council. I'd rs ,ayA ~
nls. FRIDAY DIN June, whether orsS ~
ouIoik Will have the BENEFIT Of !, 81 fsstS
s s The matter, pursuant wafif,
now In the hands of Colonel 7 tT IT,. ~
Ieary, committee on Fire DEPARTMENT. $
anu MS report. whether fayorabfa ar ~
favorable Is awaited by the public tyitt,. I
inpetest His recommendations and s,,sr-S
sestlons 10 the Council Will most iikeivs
he he ao.ed upon, and may in this Instance
HORSE BREAKS ITS NECK -sor,s g
sime iast night or early this morniisgss
N. X. Withers e. Co. lost 4, va,,,af,1es'
draft horse under peculiar ciros,ns vs.
stances. While lying dowh its head
eah ~, IN TOO close proximity to q corner
own neck :, :, Wy ! tts
GiRL GRADUATES.--F following fstts,a
graduating class of 1896 at Nansemonfss
seminary: Misses Emily Busby. Rehec-
ca Cropper, Mary Louisa Delk, Lemnaa
Mchenzie Jordan. Jessie Nurney, Mar
s stn mckenzie Urquhart and Elise
harrison Urquhart. Diplomas will Be-
presented on the evening of June s.
Mrs. s. r. Golibart and children an.s
tlcipate leaving Suffolk about the fret
or next week for Macon, N. C.. wherss
they VIII spend the summer &
MT herbert Darden has accepted
WI WIN anu VIII assume HIS
dulles within a few DAYS. -, - ~
H. c. Ivey, Esq, OF Hampton. Va. wac
IN Suffollk to-day on business. n 8 ;5s
New side curtains were to-day n,tSs
on the street cars. The proprietor Ia
ut heart the public's comfort. s.s.''sis
me suffolk rooters for the NorfoI,s
crowded around The virginian's buiie-
TN tonight and cheered lustily FOR
their favorite team. ~
Nathaniel Boswell and annsa poo,.7s
colored. were to-day married In SuffoIjx,
stuart Baker, a guard from the pss5s.s
.entiary. yesterday went to CourtianSi S
Southampton County. and remover,
isiah Parker. who had been sentenned
10 Two years for car breaking. z IS =
1t Is expected that work will be1,,,
on the new ball park at West End IN
n few days ~ ~ -
The Suffolk Grays will have a. tarret
practice at $50 o'clock to-morrow agters
noon ut the usual grounds. nm
j. Hugh Henry. Esq, of Norfo,I
spent last night with relatives In sur.
| folk - - : ''1's
new pavement was laid to-day ,nS
front of the Stuart House. STS
| The Misses Skiles Tonight gave 81
pleasan: social hop at their home on.
There was not case on the doclxaY'
of Mayor Brewers Court to-day rs
The Lord Lieutenant of ireland re-
ceives salary of 100000 year. mi
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
THE LoRELIE NRoM HEINE.

1wotna what's this comm owre me,
NY heart Is grown sac wac,
An eorie and auld world ballant
Rings aye in my head che day.
The lifts turnin cool tae the gloamir,
Salty the Rhine swirls doom,
The bonny green hiiltaps are gIintin
Like gowd T. the westlin sun.
Wha Is she, that glammerfu' maiden
On the steep gray craig up thersf
Her oleedin wi gowd 1t Rlisters,
She kaimu hsr gowden hair.
WI her gowdon kahn she knims IL
And sings bath saft and clear
A sang that gars ilka heart trennblo
And dwaurn atween Joy aud fear.
The ferryman in his BIT boatie
His heart is sac hlled wi the sang
He recks ma the craig sac awsome
Or his bost that gAes swirlin nlanR.
Sec moo, T. tho water he's droonin,
His boat it ia broken In twae--
It's tho wark o the glammerfu' maiden.
The wark thnt-she likes to dae.
London Spectator.
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

Spanish papers announce the marriage
of the eldest daughter of General Mar
tinez Campos. the predecessor of Gen
eral Weyler in Cuba, and the MerauIn
Of Cayo del Rey.
There Is but one scarlet bicycle I'm
London. and SIR John Gorst, vice-press-
dent of the Council, the, Minister for
Education, rides II. Archbishop Walsh.
OF Dublin, also rides a wheel.
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
Uglier Still.

The late Frederick LOCKER Lnmpson re.
ates In his autobiographical Conf
1onces' that his uncle used to say that
you could not widen the mouth OF a
Locker without injury to his ears One
any at Malta this frank old gentleman
ASKED stranger who had just landed to
take wine with himand expressed his OBJ
legation for tho favor by saying, "Ycstsr-
day, sir, WAS the ugliest man In all
Natal"
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
Talent For the BUSINESS.

Johnny-Say, pa, won't Billie Sum.
mers make good congressman when
he grows up?
Johnny's Father-What makes you
think he will?
Johnny-Why, he kin throw ink
stand an make it curve in. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
Diriaion of Labor

IT," he said, will take the whisky,
and you may take the chaser. "
Suiting the action to the word, the
moonshiner advanced with the cask,
leaving his comrade to follow with the
captured revenue officer. New York
Press
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
The Southern Convention Christian
Church, Burlington n e.

For this occasion the Southern Rail-
way will sell tickets from Norfolk to
Burlington and return at rate OF $10.45
for the round trip Tickets on sale
June 3. 4 and 8, good to return until June
IS, 1896.
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

Miss Bertha G. Lamme, of the west
inghouse works In Pittsburg, is the only
woman electrical engineer in the coun-
try.
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

Alfred Austin is increasing his repu-
tation as a poet laureate just now by not
publishing anything.
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

Free concert by Naval Post Band In
full uniform, under direction OF Prof.
Price, at Ocean View Sunday.
My28-4t
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

For every quarter in mans pocke
there are dozen uses: and 10 use each
one in such way as to derive the
greatest benefit Is question every one
however, that no better us,. could no
made OF one of these quarters than 10
exchange 1t for a bottle of Chamber
lain's Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea
Remedy, medicine that every fam
lily should be provided with. For sale
by all druggists.
Free concert by Naval Post Band In
fun uniform, under direction of Prof.
Price at Ocean View Sunday.
My28-4t
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

FOR SALE-The wholesale and retail
confectionery store. ice cream and
wagon and carriage. Very low rent.
A great bargain. Reasons for selling
My store in Philadelphia requires my
entire time Established ten Years. APP
ply at store. No. 1872 Church street. a.
DASCALOPULO. apSe-lm
ENGINE AND BOILER for sale cheap:
also other machinery. Apply to either
s. w. Taylor or &C Water street.
ap26-tf
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
SLAUGHTER.

1t is with US. we SLAUGHTER our
own MEATS and can always furnish
fresh and choice cuts OF BEEF,
MUTTON, LAMB, VEAL and PORK
fresh every day. Being our own
butchers we are able to sell at the
lowest prices.
BEST SMOKED AND CORN MEATS
j. 8. BELL G. CO.,
Arcade Market, Queen and Church SITS
Phone, $50. Free Delivery.
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
FOR SALE.

FOR SALE A we'll built residence on
Wood street; sold for no fault; too large
Tor owners family, eight rooms and
bath and all modern conveniences;
lot 241aNll5; splendid opportunity for
anyone wishing q nice home. with OPP
ton on two lots In rear, ~ feetxl20, on
which can be erected three (3) nice
tenement houses. For terms, etc, APP
ply on premises. No. 60 Wood street.
myb-tf
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
SPECIAL NOTICES.

WILL THE PARTY who has the will Of
the late Thomas Powell please commu-
nicate with L. A: Powell, No. 40 High
street, Norfolk, Va. my2S-3t
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

THREE OR FOUR quiet gentlemen can
obtain cheap board at ia Tunstall
avenue, Brambleton, In private family.
Apply at same. Convenient TO car line
my27-tws
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

WANTED-A good, steady, reliable wo.
man to cook, wash and iron. Must re.
main on premises at night. Apply al
once to 124 Freemason street. ap30-tf
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

DO YoU SPECULATE-"Guide to Sue
cessful speculation" mailed free
Wheat, provision, cotton and stock
speculation on limited margin thorough
~ explained correspondence solicited
WARREN FORD & CO.. II Wall street,
New York my3-th suly
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

wANTED-Prompt and faithful gentle
man or lady to travel for. reliable es-
$3.50. payable Sl5 weekly and expenses.
Situation permanent. References. En-
close seltcaddressed stamped envelope.
Chicago. my15-l4t
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28
HELP WANTED.

wANTED-Recruits for the Y. s. Marine
men between the ages of 81 and 80
years. Food. clothing and medical at
tendance free. For further particulars
in regard to pay. etc, apply or address
the COMMANDING OFFICER, Marine
Barracks. Navy-yard. Norfolk. Va.
my16-39t
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

$50 PER WEEK ia what some of our men
are making. We need a few more.
This Is good chance for teachers and
students. Write for particulars Z. C.
PENDLETON. IT'S L. Franklin street,
Richmond. Va ap7-tf
The Norfolk Virginian. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 186?-189?, 1896-05-28

1s CENTS. SUITS PRESSED and re-
paired, called for and delivered home
HENSON, Tailor, Importer sc Main
street. Canvassers wanted to OBTAIN
yearly contracts my26-2w'
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Deafness Can Not 10 Cured

z. Il thu s.r n Thers
only one way to cure Deafness and that is
by constitutional remedies. Deafness is
caused by an indamed condition Of the
mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube
When this tube gets infamed You have .
when it Is entirely closed Deafness il the
result, and unless the Inflammation can be
taken out and this tube restored to its nor
NAL condition, hearing will DO destroyed
forever; nine cases out Of ten are caused
BY catarrh, which Is nothing but an in
famed condition Of the mucous surfaces.
any case Of Deafness Caused BY catarrh]
that can not be cured by Halls Catarrh
Cure. Send for circulars, free.
+. ]. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o
IL Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills, 25c.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
3 Mrs. New Woman-Well, now,
who. Ter yer goin' ter thump?
A Crushing Revenge.

A Crushing Revenge.
A man with painful expression of
countenance sat on dry goods box.
Are you ILL.," some one asked.
NO"
"Have you lost anythingT'
'Never had anything to lose"
whats the matter, then?"
I'm sitting on a wasp"
"Well, why don't you get up?"
"Well, that was my first impulse, but
I got to thinkin' that was hurtin' the
wasp as badly as he was hurtin' me,
and concluded to sit here awhile
Spare Moments.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
sDsss.s rsIsislE.t

s sygt4s 06Gon1 z 4 s73e'
Timmins- fear that I win never
succeed q . literary man after Ill.
eimmons-You don't mean ~
Timmins-But I do. I had myself
carefully examined by most eminent
brain specialist and he Gays there ID
nothing the matter with me.-Indian-
apolis Nnd.) Journal.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
But He Didn''

But He Didn't. - &:
Toody-Mamma, do fairies use snuff ?
Mamma-No. child, but why do you
ask?
Toody-1 heard pape tell Mr.. Jones
he'd. take him around tomorrow night
to see couple of fairies who were up
to snuff.-Washington Times. 4.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
The way It Goes.

Exasperated Citizen-Look here, I
want to make a complaint against your
COMPOUNDED cable cars. Yesterday I
got caught in a blockade and had to
sit and wait for nearly an hour.
Superintendent-Thats just like you
fellows. never satisfied. Why, another
man just came in and complained that
the cars went SO fast he couldn't get
on.-Life.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
AM WOO over.

Father. You may Us we'll give up
thinking about that young Hardcash.
He doesn't love you.
Daughter. How do you know, pap?
Father. I met him at the club last
night and he refused to lend me f5.-
Tid-Bits.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Naked i'm Either Case.

Innocent Old Lady-Say, Wilyum, tn
nex' time you 60 t tn city wisht
you'd get couple O. them Twin pic
tiers hang up in tn parlor. TIL waals
looks kinder bare 'ithout somethin' on
'em sides tn paper.
Travelled Husband-Hump! ! guess
tn walls be MT no barer than tn pic
tiers 'ould be, Notwithstanding, cord
in t all accounts.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
y.
fHiNtye;.E.

The Yesues Of the ID,

You don't mind IL get up q war
scare|
The ruler Of 10000. 900 Of free, en-
lightened people smiled obsequiously
at the delegation from Wall street.
II want a third term, and this will
throw dust in their eyes"
Mr.. Morgan's tone was afrability it.
self
mot 20 long as this
He pointed at the gold bond agree
ment on the desk hard by
Throws dust In our pockets!"
They all laughed heartily, but It is a
city that such jokes are so expensive.
Taken Literally.
Young Benny-Mr. Masche called
this morning, Aunt Louise, and told
him you were out.
Aunt Louise-You naughty boy! What
did you say to him?
Young Benny-I said you'd been out
all night.
Aunt Louise-Why, you wicked, dis
agreeable child. How dare you invent
such horrible falsehood? shall speak
to your father ut once!
Young Benny-Well, I heard papa say
you came out last evening, and that
now you'd be out for good.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
entire lower door at hfs leisure 0m
cago Tribune. t 4.

The spitefsl TAing.
Mn. Mann-It Is 20 provoking! That
Girl discharged last week is going
about telling everybody what q splen.
did woman / am.
Mr.: Mainland you find fault with
her for that?
Mrs. Mann-Of course 1 do. Don't
you see that the 1ktful thing is trying
to make people believe that she left
Of her own accord ?-Boston Transcript.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
A Hitch i'm the Drama.

a Hitch In the Drama.
Heavy Villian-Think not, faithless
one, to escape my clutches! will fol-
low you to the end Of the earth.
Flippant Heroine-Indeed you won't.
Heavy Villian-Zounds! But thou
talkest idly. Wherefore not?
Flippant Heroine-Because I'm not
going there.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Too Much Of . Good ThinE.

In the act of raising the kitchen win
dow the burglar paused and listened.
A sound emote his ears. He thrust
his head inside and listened more in
tently. II;
twins!'
And he climbed in and robbed the
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07

ONR ENJOYS
Both the method and results when
Syrup Of Figs is taken; it is pleasant
and refreshing to the taste. and acts
gently yet promptly on the Kidneys,
Liver and Bowels, eleanses the sys.
tenn effectually, dispels. colds, head
aches and fevers and cures habitual
constipation. Syrup Of Figs is the
only remedy of its kind ever pro.
duced, pleasing to the taste and &C.
ceptable to the stomach, prompt in
its action and truly beneficial in its
effects, prepared only from the most
healthy and agreeable substances, its
many excellent qualities commend it
to all and have made it the most
popular remedy known.
Syrup Of Figs is for sale in so
cent bottles BY all leading drug.
gists. Any reliable druggist who
may not have it on hand will pro-
cure it promptly for. any one who
wishes to try it. Do not accept any
substitute.
CALIFORNIA RIO syrup co.
SAN k1Axctsc0. cal.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07

"Hsnson,s Magic Corn salve.~
Warranted 20 cure or money refunded. Ask yeuy
lruggist for It. Price Is cents.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07

9H1 .AERlloT0R %. 90 nal1
0!ndnih businsa because C hae le1nee6
s e ~ . nd . y %ss g -
q yor door. can aSd Dc II
a. better article foe -
= othera 4 mAke0
0eaEeo, 6teel, 0alVllI
Completion Nin1nill4
~ ana Gi1ed Steel Tower, oeooa -
Frames, eteel Esd Ouft0n -
0FtndsFs. On appiicasaen q wt1
llnulN ~ q lE8 tho usual peice. B 81 ~
Tanks ~ PuMpo Q al kinds. Send eoe on112e1g
taels1s l1ths asekXsl1 81 Hlnsee Sllsell.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07

Beam afs this year H,ses numesens and rapa.
etoos than usual IN Okefenoks swamp. Ga. 6ne
farmer. who dwells near the swamp, recently had
sixteen hogs killed b. bears IN one, week.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Pay Full Price

Shiny Pete-Chee, but I got 'er map!
Shoebrush Bill-W'at's dat?
Shiny Pete-I shines felly ever day
w'ot's got 'er wooden leg!-Chicago
Record.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
oae Good 1nin. !.

oae Good 1hsn6 ]. III Nj
The Complaining Boarder
is about the toughest that Is0y19s
across. ssSsS M y s,s#
The Philosophic Boarder Ye1
then there is very little Of II Yen
-Tid-Bits.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Not . Corkscrew,

"May I inquire" asked the eagle,
"why you are carrying that cork.
screw?"
1T hisn't corkscrew," growled the
British lion; "hit's me bloomin tall
Indianapolis Journal.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07

HaA been Besa, g |'i 4
Atom must have had an 8 -.
when be became engaged. H.
.B-Why? 3s3 " 4$S &Sa
A-Because when one has ~ 9y
has no taste.-Fliegende BlaaE sssss Is
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
From an Authority,

From an Authority.
First Editor-Are you going to pub
lish that article on the servant girl
question?
Second Editor-Great Scott, yes! II
was written by a policeman.-Truth.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
SILVER KING BARLEY, l1e Bu. FER

SILVER KING BARLEY, l1o BU. FER
ACRE.
The barley wonder. Yields right
along on poor. good or Indifferent soils
so to 100 bus. per acre. That pays at
20c. q bushel!
Salzer's mammoth catalogue Is full Of
good things. Silver Mine Oats yielded
200 bushels In 1895. It will do better In
1896. Hurrah for Teosinte, Sand Vetch,
spurry and Giant Glover and lots Of
grasses and clovers they offer. IS
packages earliest vegetables $1.00.
IL You VIII cut this out and send
it with Zoe. postage to the John A. Sal
ger Seed Co., La Crosse. Wis, you will
get free toa grain and grass samples,
including barley, ctc.. and their man.
moth catalogue. Catalogue alone SC. for
mailing. w.n
At the Ballet.
Aunt Sibley-Do they pay them girls
much?
Her Nephew-No; about $40 q week.
Just enough to get their board and
clothes.
Aunt Sibley-My, my! Twelve dol
lars for board Is awful high-Puck.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07

Is! s
sS&
The man is there, and he Is feeling
out Of sight, too.-Judge.
Generosity With Thrift.
He-They say she is very generous
to the poor.
She-Yes; and always trying to do
something to amuse them.
| He-Indeed?
She-Yes; she gets up dances and all
that sort Of thing for them. This win
ter, understand, she is going to give
them q snow ball.
| Unscientihc.
"What were you arguing so violently
about with Smithers, professor?"
| He called me blooming packass."
You ought to have knocked him
down."
| "Oh, didn't mind It, personally. It
was the unscientific nature of his state.
ment that annoyed me."-Indianapolis
! Journal.
Happy Days.
Bacon-Let me shake your hand,
dear boy; this is one of the happy
days Of your life.
Egbert-You are too previous, old
man. I'm not to be married until to-
morrow.
Bacon-That's what I say. This is
one of the happy days Of your life
| Yonkers Statesman.
After the Sermon.
Mrs. Ray-Why did you pray so earn.
estly for rain to-day, rector?'
Rector-Special request.
Mrs. Ray-From the farmers?
Rector-Oh, no; from some of tho
avenue bellies who just got in their new
importation Of Partisan hosiery-St
Louis Post-Dispatch.
Making 1T Personal.
Mr.. Fery-Greatness is all compare.
tive. For example, an elephant four
feet high would be called a cute little
thing, while ut rat Of that size
Mrs. Ferry-Yes, and $25 for bon.
net is an enormous expense, but it isn't
anything at all when you lose it at
poker.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Her Idea.
"Dear me-" said Maude, there has
been dreadful lot of talk in the finan.
cial articles about gold ring. What
do you suppose they are driving atY'
"Oh, I don't know" replied Mamie
in weary tone. II guess it's just
some more Of this silly joking about
engagements '-Washington Star.
Learning to Fly.
| Wheeler-I believe the flying ma
chine problem will be solved on the
bicycle principle yet.
X. Walker-Sh0uldn't wonder. Since
began learning have made several
aerial flights or ten or fifteen feet
| Cincinnati Enquirer.
Losing Venture.
"Did you ever hear til, joke on Dob.
son?"
mo"
"Took a cab last night for fear Of
being held up, and the driver charged
him SO cents more than Dobson had"
Chicago Record.
| Not q COrkscrew.
MAY I inquire" asked the eagle,
| SSxry1Hv hot
screw?"
1T hisn't corkscrew," growled the
British lion; hits me bloomin tall
Indianapolis Journal.
Pay Full Price.
Shiny Pete-Chee, but I got 'er map!
Shoebrush Bill-W'at's dat?
Shiny Pete-I shines felly ever day
w'ot's got 'er wooden leg!-Chicago
Record.
From an Authority.
First Editor-Are you going to pub
lish that article on the servant girl
question?
Second Editor Great Scott, yes! II
was written by policeman.-Truth.
SIX / II.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Losing Venture.

LOSING venture.
"Did you ever hear til, joke on Dob.
son?"
mo"
"Took q cab last night TO, fear Of
being held up, and the driver charged
him so cents more than Dobson had"
Chicago Record.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Making It Per.onal

MnK1n8 IL FeF0OM0I.
Mr.. Ferry-Greatness is all compare.
tive. For example, an elephant four
feet high would be called a cute little
thing, while ut rat Of that size
Mrs. Ferry-Yes, and $25 for a bon.
net is an enormous expense, but it isn't
anything at all when you lose it at
poker.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
After the Sermon.

After the Sermon.
Mrs. Ray-Why did you pray so earn.
Rector-Special request.
Mrs. Ray-From the farmers?
Rector-Oh, no; from some of tho
avenue bellies who just got in their new
importation Of Partisan hosiery-St
Louis Post-Dispatch.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Learning to Fly,

learning to Fly.
Wheeler-I believe the flying ma
chine problem will be solved on the
bicycle principle yet.
x. Walker-Shouldn't wonder. Since
I began learning I have made several
aerial flights or ten or fifteen feet
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Her Idea.

"Dear me-" said Maude, ''there has
been a dreadful lot of talk in the finan.
cial articles about q gold ring. What
do you suppose they are driving at?'
"Oh, I don't know" replied Mamie,
in a weary tone. II guess it's Just
some more Of this silly joking about
engagements" -Washington Star.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07
Properly Classined.

Old DR.. Grimshaw Ito medical stu
dent)-And now remember that to a
physician humanity is divided into two
classes.
Student-And what are they, doctor?
Old DIR. Grimshaw-The poor, whom
he cures, and the rich, whom he doc
Chicago News.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1896-02-07

Happy Days.
Bacon-Let me shake your hand,
dear boy; this is one of the happy
days Of your life.
Egbert-You are too previous, old
man. I'm not to be married until to-
morrow.
Bacon-That's what 1 say. This is
one Of the happy days Of your life.-
Yonkers Statesman.