The herald., 1896-12-24
DR|GHAM'S BRIGHT LETTER
Weekly Budget of Gossip From
the Capitol
UNCLE SAM AS JUNK DEALER
Curiosities of the Dead Letter
Office
Odds and Ends of Personal Gossip,
What it Is to Be in the Swim
of Political Society

WASHINGTON, d. c., Dec. 19.-One
of the queerest institutions of the ma
tion's capital is the annual clearance
sale of the dead letter office, in which a
vast accumulation of articles gone
astray in the mails are sold to the high
est bidders. it has been going on all
the week, day and evening sales, and
the end is not yet in sight. The auction
house where it is held is continually
crowded with excited men, women and
children, and beside it the bargain
counters during Christmas week are as
havens of rest. for when Uncle Sam
uel goes into the junk shop business
great things are expected. 1t is the only
lottery which the government encour-
ages, and though the system is not eX-
actly of the Louisiana variety, the
spirit of it is the same; as is the church
fair rattle, you pay a small amount of
money and trust to luck to get back
more than its value. The faro game at
Monte Carlo is not much ahead of this
government grab bag in point of ex-
element. The articles previously listed
in a wholesale sort of way are tied up in
bundles of from three to half dozen
and "auctoned' for what they will
bring, the average bids ranging between
10 cents and 81. Nobody is permitted
to examine the goods before purchasing,
and no money is refunded to the dissat
isfied. Everybody hopes to pull a gen
uine plum from the pie in the shape of
diamond pin, a silk dress pattern or
silver tea pot and although comparative
blanks are the rule there is always the
possibility of a prize. For example, the
auctioneer holds up one of the odd
shaped bundles listed pictures, under
wear, music, cigars" Going going gone!
for 80 cents to a dapper young gentle
man, who was caught by the word
cigars He opens it on the spot, an
unwise thing to do if one objects to
goodnatured ridicule, and this is what
he finds: Six cigars. broke into bits, SO
strong an odor that one wonders how
sledge hammer could have done it:
music, soiled copy of May Irwin's song,
I Loves You, Nah Honey, Yes 1 Do; un-
derwear a female 10-cent Jersey" pic
lures, collection of newspaper cuts de-
signed for the amusement of some small
child. The lot would be dear at a quarter
and it is of no use to the buyer. During
the half hour l spent in the sales room
yesterday the bundles went off as fast
as the auctioneer could handle them, for
bidding was brisk and Uncle Samuel has
no time for haggling. A mannish young
woman in bicycle garb raised a laugh
by disclosing a bootjack, shaving set and
pair of suspenders in the package for
which she had paid a dollar A man
bought a collection of scarf pins for 81.
Tere were ten of them, Just such as you
buy on the street for cents each. If
any private secondhand dealer made
such sales he would be denounced as a
swindler Another man paid 40 cents
for a lot of alleged jewelry, and among
the pinchbeck was one heavy 1S-caret
ring, which a jeweler present said was
worth $40 or S12. Fortune occasionally
plays such pranks in all lotteries, though
her really good bargains are rarer than
visiting angels. Everything imaginable
is listed in the thousands of bundles
marked "miscellaneous," from sauce
pans to silk hats election bets?), hair
switches and food supplies, nursing bot
ties, bicycle goods and fancy work ga
lore.
BOOK RELICS
Then there is the book department,
$50 job lots each lot containing from ten
to a dozen volumes. The Bible appears
to be the good old standby in the collec
ton, and next to it popularity is about
evenly divided between prayer books
and Laura Jean Libbey's atrocious stuff.
The jewelry department, which out
shines all the pawn shops in town, is re-
served for the grand finale, and when
it's turn comes Monte Carlo will surely
be outdone There is pathetic as well
as a ludicrous side to the whole business.
This flotsam and jetsam of stranded love
tokens means many heart aches and dis
appointments and affections nipped in
the bud. In the dead letter office pro-
per-that charnal house which swallows
nearly half million missives every
month-it is positively narrowing. More
than forty bushels of photographs have
accumulated there awaiting the annual
cremation. There are tresses of hair
enough to stuff a dozen mattresses,
grandmothers' silver locks and babies
golden curls, many no doubt cut from
dead brows; and small sums of money,
which poor WOrkmen send home to feed
their wives and little ones and servant
girls save from their scanty wages for
needy parents, gone to Uncle Sans rich
purse, not because the United States
wants it, but because the senders' writ
ing or orthography was beyond mortal
ken 1t is hard to realize that in this
land of schools, at the close Of the nine
teenth century, there are so many peo-
pie so ignorant or so careless as to send
several millions of letters year with
out stamps or addresses or with ad
dresses which no man can make out
Many of them contain currency or drafts
for large amounts, and the singular fea
ture of it is that many of the most valu
BILE letters have no signatures or other
clue by which they may be returned to
the SenderS.
CURIOUS CARELESSNESS
People seem to be so intent on what
goes into the letters that they forget
all about the superscription 1t is esti-
mated that $4500,000 in drafts and $780,
600 900 in cash is received every year
through dead letters. This is all returned
when possible, and the larger portion
that fails to find claimants is turned
over to the postoffice fund Do you
think the clerks are careless and might
decipher more of those hieroghyphics
l doubt if the Angel Gabriel could do bet
ter than the present chief clerk. to whom
perhaps 500 a day of the very worst
ones, which nobody else can make out.
are assigned. He is called 1.-The blind
man." because in his place one cannot
walk by sight alone, and apparently by
instinct he deciphers Inscriptions that
would be utterly illegible to any other
man in America. For example, what
would you make out of "Sanduk?" He
knows it at a glance for Sandy Hook
He knows that "Hoio" means Ohio;
"Ioel," Iowa; "Pizzo Burg" Pittsburg
"Scitzanty" and "Zounsounati," Cincin
natl, but who else could have recog-
nized New Bedford, Water street, Mass,
in Bet Feet, Rua de Aqua" 1t was a
puzzle until he remembered that Rua
de Aqua is Spanis for Water street
| ard that New Bedford rejoices in one of
several thousand Water streets of the
l FuYI-