Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1896-12-05


-Up-to-Date.
Mother-Johnny, why did you not tell
me that you were naughty at schoolf
Johnny -'Tisn't best to tell women ev.
erything.-Boston Transcript.
The young man who Is anxious to lay
the world at the feet Of the girl he
adores. three months after he marrieo
her isn't willing even to lay the carpet.
-Yonkers Statesman.
| II have been Informed that your
| first attempt at long distance ride on
your wheel turned out to be highly
| dramatic affair."" every. had to
walk back. Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Bixby has given up learning to play
chess" "ToO much for his mental call.
berT "No. he hurt his jaw trying to
pronounce the names Of the leading
players. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
ut Is shameful that the States have
20 leglslate about womcn's theatsf
hats" why" "well. It shows how
little influence individual men have
with their wives."-Chicago Record.
Artist flatter myself this last pic
ture Of mine Is an excellent one. An
other Artist-My dear fellow, you don't
hatter yourself half M much a. you
aatter the picture. -Roxbury Gazette.
"This." said he. as he inhaled the
baimy October air. rs Indian summer"
II always maintained" she replied.
"that the Indians were capable Of good
work II given the chance."-Chicase
News.
Smith, see that a bullet from one
Of those new rifles will kill six men,
standing one behind another. Thomp.
son-You don't say? In that case, q
man might just as we'll 60 to the front.
Puck.
Bobby--Ma, you said that wasn't u
cat that piece Of cake In the pantry
because 1t would make me sick. Moth.
cr--Yes, Bobby. Bobby (convincingly)
But, ma, 1t hasn't made me sick.-An-
swers.
Here I am" remarked the india
rubber man. But no one seemed to pay
any attention to him until he coiled
himself up into four-in-hand and tri.
umphantly shouted: Here am knot"
New York Journal.
little Ethcl-I wonder why men like
to talk about their old school days1
Little JOHNNY s'pose after they got
growed up they II always tryin' to fnd
out where the teacher lives. 90 they can
lick him.-COmic Cuts.
"Mrs. DIgby has husband that real.
" thinks something Of her." what
has he done?" "why. instead Of bet
ting to win q Int for himself on the
election, he bet a new bonnet for bid
wife."-Chicago Record.
A forced convert.--"Say, Weary, wo,
are you walkin' round In yer bare FOOT
ferY "rm trying dis we're new Kncipv
cure" "Wot fer. Weary" "'Causa
some dingblastcd snoozer stole me
shoes!"- Plaindealer.
"This honey doesn't look to be pure.
J said the cautious grocer. but, man.
earnestly replied the apiarist, ut hai
) to be pure. You wouldn't expect maj
In the bee line to be crooked; now
could youT'-lndianapol's Journal.
Gan you support my daughter In thu
style to which she IL accustomedT
asked her father. "Pretty nearly" 70
plied the sutton. 'Of course ! can
keep up the engagement luxurlcs ! hav
given her forever."-Harpcr's Bazaar.
"rye noticed an Indian hanging
around the entrance for several days.
| AZ, ut,tn N
know who he is?" Il strongly suspec
that he's a scalper." replied tho tickc
Observation-Disclosures North American.
3 First Student--What makes you lool
J 90 melancholy? Second Studens-I hav
been fooled. l asked my father to sem
the sixty marks to pay my tailor. ant
few days later ! received the-rs
celpted tailor's b!ll!--Fliegende Blae'
ter.
Father-Wait o year. my son, and 20
. may feel very different. Son (conf
= dently)-I've tested my love Cor Mis-
Higgins thoroughly, ana know It car
. not change. I've played golf with hel
: and I still want her for my Wife,
Household Words.
o "What arc those Golf-sticks for?
asked the manager Of the small thea
rical venture. "That's little idea q
INV own. We can use 'em when we'r
walking home ana make believe thu
n we're Just out enjoying ourselves
Washington Star.
Y, "Well," remarked the wife Of tn
n man who had changed his mind abor
). coming to Congress, "you have clea
It conscience, anyhow" II know that
a was the comfortless reply; "but q cles
N conscience isn't what ! was runnin
ID r."-Washington Star.
g. Nlpper-So poor old soaksby is gone
Proprietor Blue Light SalOOn-Yes. he
gone, but not forgotten. For more
+ a year I've given him a free drn
z every mornin', and now hes left wi
4 bequeath his mornin' drink to b
\ brother.--Covington Post.
v I'm all In the dark about how tho
bills are to be paid" said Mr.. Has1E
7 to his wife. swell. Henry" said sh
| as she pulled out yellow one and Ia
4 It ON top Of the pile, you will DO
you don't pay that one. for that's Il
{ gas bill."-Washington Capital.
Mrs. Brown-Did you have . go'
time at the party last evening? Nj
Black-Not at all. 1t was awfully du
\ We sat there like mumchances and n
y body had hardly word to say. v
couldn't get anybody to play on q
p.- -, Iuow -posfnn Trnn sCrlv