The record-union., 1896-06-28

In laying up cnOlce DIS VI uSWS
Upon her friends ITO shower!
How prettily she takes them in,
How sets them by the ears!
She makes one victim broadly grin,
Another moves to tears.
You people really have a good deal to
hank me for If you only knew the
numbers of times my left ear has burn
ed, and the narrow escapes l have had
from some misguided people who i'm
agine themselves abused lying in wait
for me, with nobody knows what no.
tions of revenge, you would come to be-
lieve the position of gossip is no sine
cure. My intentions are always good,
whether you believe it or not. Never
mind you may be'skeptical, but / fancy
you'll not be far behind the rest of my
friends when 1 open my budget.
I've so much to tell you this week 1
hardly know where to begin The
Democrats are all gone, you know, and
as a matter Of course, they made things
very lively 1t was funny wasn't it
(for us) that the weather should be so
awfully warm while they were here?
OF course. though, they will have to get
used to it-when they come here, 1
that in any other way. though 1 have
heard of places Il use the plural ad
visedly) that are warmer than Sacra-
mentol That reminds me of an expert
ence Of a friend of mine that is too fun
ny to keep. l don't think she told me
not TO tell, and if you're very, very
proper perhaps you'd better not read it,
because I don't want to give you a
10 your nervous system. This friend of
mine who told me the story has another
friend with whom she is very "chum-
my" and as they were enjoying a bit
of a chat together one afternoon, who
should be ushered into the room but a
book agent. CONSERVATION sat upon
their countenances for a wGile and the
book agent had the floor, until a happy
inspiration seized one of these wicked
girls, as a rapid means Of getting rid
OF the unsuspecting canvasser, who up
to this time held the fort. The old lady
proved herself in the course of CONVEX
sation to be an exceedingly strai ight-
laced and pious person. Now,I like pious
people, and / consider the whole pro-
ceeding to be very wicked, l tell you
before hand. 1t was when the old lady
began mildly to solicit an invitation to
dinner that the brilliant idea came like
an inspiration. She said she had walk
ed so far and was getting horribly hun
cry; that she didn't know whether to go
down town for her dinner or go home.
Ny friends friend suggested that she
could get a lovely fresh ham sandwich
at downtown delicatessen for only 10
cents.
by the way" she said suddenly,
threading so forcibly on my friend $
feet that she could scarcely keep from
screaming out, and winking at the same
time in a knowing way, signifying thus
that she was to have the platform for
a while unrnolested, DO you ever
drink coffee?"
The old lady eagerly replied that she
did, booking expectantly toward the di-
rection of the kitchen, from which
could be heard the clatter of crockery
IN the process of spreading the noon
day meal. We'll" continued this very
naughty girl, watching the countenance
OF her victim as she proceeded, Il know
a splendid new receipt for making IT,
and they say if you follow the direc-
tfons closely you can't fail to brew a
nectar fit for the gods. First, it must
be as sweet as love; second as strong as
death; third. as hot as hi"
''Oh, my SOUL" calculated the horri-
fed old woman, as gathering her traps
together she paused not for further ex-
plantations. but hurriedly pursued hen
way in search of the ham sandwich
followed by a peal of laughter that made
the windows rattle. This is true as
gospel and there are two conscience
stricken young women who will read
this, and hope blush for shame But yor
can never tell; this is a very rerverse
and stiff-necked generation.
Hosts of our scholarly young people
are home from college for their summer
vacation. One encounters them every
day. Some from the L. c., some from
Stanford's, and others from divers Oak.
land schools. The San Jose Normal ha.
not closed as yet Two of our Sacra
n1ento girls are being educated within
its walls, Miss Emma Woods and Mis-.
Maude Beaton. Charlie Pinkham o
Stanford's has returned and Rob Fos
ter of the University of California a
Berkeley may pay US flying visit late
Cn.
Mrs. NJ. r. Foster has been for som,
time past visiting her daughter. Mrs
Eugene Smith. Mrs. Foster was a
cne time a resident of Sacramento ant
has a large circle Of friends here wis
are glad TO welcome her whenever sh'
returns to them. Her home is at pres