Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-07-30

Il he Smull DOy cuduCes W buisiSc
Are good for one more year.
Washington Star.
Poet-How do you know the editor
isn't in? Ofiice-boy--From your looks.
Puck.
First Tamp-Wuz you ever married?
Second Tramp-Well, jist wish had
all the allmony l owe.-Puck.
Weren't you surprised when he pro-
posed?" ''No; why should beY' "Ev-
erybody else was."-Harlem Life.
Never Touched Her: He-Don't you
ever tire Of talking? She Quickly
1t depends upon who Is talking. Vogue.
Artlst-That man Bacon offered me
$12 for that largest painting OF mine.
Cailer-Oh, then you've had 1t framed?
-YOnkers Statesman.
She-Young Baggie, l believe, takes
his fences well? He-Yaas, splendid
ly; but it's pity his horse doesn't take
'em at the same time.-Sydney Bulle-
tin.
''There!" Kissed the jealous Moor;
show do you feel nowY' Down In
the mouth" gaspcd the irrepresslble
Desdemona from beneath her pillow.
Puck.
1T Is simply astonishing the way the
bicycle is displacing the horsc" 1T Is.
indeed. Yesterday found a piece of
rubber tire in my sausage" -Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Miss Rechere Qndignantly)--Did you
tell jim Jackson dat Of he married me
he'd hab white elephant on bees
hands? Miss Snohaike-No, indeed, I
didn't. Do yo' fink Use -blind?-
Puck.
Am!cus-Why, do you use the ex-
preston funny joke? Aren't all jokes
funny? Editor-Not by long shot.
The jokes that other fellows get off
ut your expense are never funny
Truth.
1T seems to me, Miranda" mildly
observed Mr.. Meeks, "these cakes
would be considerably improved by the
addition Of little more ginger" 80
would you, William" briefly responded
Mrs. Meeks.-Chicago Tribune.
well, girls, Jack and l are to be
married at last, and we are so happyw
Did you and Jack have some trouble
N getting your fathers consent?" mo,
papa and had lot OF trouble In get
ting Jacks consent Exchange.
Mrs. Brown-I have been so annoyed
at my husband. He has been at the
club every night for week. Mrs.
Jones-Why, so has my husband. and
lie said he hadn't seen anything of your
husband for week.-Brooklyn Life.
aggles-Well. Adam was a lucky
man. Barker-In what particular
way? Wraggles-He didn't have to
prance around the garden like blam-
I'd idiot holding Eve on a hundred
dollar bike.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
She--It seems strange that men are
no longer willing to do deadly combat
for the love Of a woman. He-Ain't ie
queer, though? Especially when wom-
en- have so much more money of their
own these days!-Indianapolls Journal.
"a woman's no means yes" said the
man Of 20, who naturally knows all
assented the married one, but 1t doesn't
work both ways. Unfortunately a wO-
mans yes doesn't mean no."-Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
II once knew a man." said the i'm
aglnative boarder, who was so fat that
he was actually taller lying down than
when he was standing up. What do
&t,s, - fIat
said the cheerful idiot. "as pretty tall
lying."-Indianapolis Journal.
A Dangerous Text: ''Well, Uncle
Rasbury, how did you like the scrmony'
"Pow'ful fine sermon, Marse John"
where did the preacher take his
text?" 'Frum dat potion OBJ de Scrip
ture whar de Postol Paul pints his pis-
toll to de Fesions. "-Washingt Times.
Fair Patient-Is there no way Of tell
ing exactly what is the matter with
me? DR.. Emdee-Only n post-mortem
examination would reveal that. Fair
Patient-Then, for heavens sake, make
one. don't see why l should be
squca mish ut such time rs ths.-Pick-
Me-Up.
Modern society,"" observed the young
man, contemplatlvely, has revised
most Of the old-time proverbs" YES"
observed the chaperon, to whom he had
just handed an Ice, "for instance, now
adays we say, When the husband
comes In at the door, the lover flies out
of the window
First Summer Girl-Are you going to
that old Christian Endeavor meeting
this evening? Second Summer Girl
Yes. indeed! Haven't you heard the
subject to be discussed? First Summer
Girl--No; what Is 1t? Second Summer
Girl-"How to Hold Our Young Men"
New York Press.
"I was very glad, Mabel. to see Won
among those whe were received into
the church last Sunday" "Yes, auntia.
but was so provoked with the clergy
man! He gave me the old-styIe. I'M
fashionable ha1idshake. And he gets a
salary Of $4,000 yearv-Chicago Trib-
une.
In South America: Tourist--Why
can't you put stop to these continual
Instructions? Native-we are consid-
ering measure now which may have
tendency In that direction. 1t Is
proposed to reduce the Presidents
term OF office to three weeks, and to
provide that he shall not be eligible
for a second term.-Puck.
"Rastus. you internal Niger, you
told me that mule was perfectly safe,
and when / went into the stable he