The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1896-12-02
The Bike and the Baby.

1t was certainly Illogical, seeing
that she and l had already consumes
more than an hour in unremittiDg eff
forts to soothe the child, and only ap
parent result being that it was squall
ing worse that ever.
When the trouble first began, pJ
wife had said, with a highly conf
dent air:
"It's his stomach, John. Get th,
paregoric "
But the squaling had peculiar
dominant note. which caused me L
seriously doubt the wisdom of he
diagnosis. Suppressing the doubt,
fetched the paragoric.
"Of course. yau can't expect it te
act at once." she continued eve
must wait minute" ~
1 cheerfully acquiesced. What
did one minute of suspense signify
when it's expiration was to witness
our return to bed (!
Ten minutes. however, passed,
with hope still deferred We still
stood on the floor in our night
gowns: while the child refused to be
comforted
An idea struck my wife
What he wants is little castor
OIL"
Grasping eagerly at this sugges-
ton. started in search of the rem
edy, innoeently observing
II never saw him like this before y
Ny wife turned on me:
"Ah /! You want to make fuss
now about losing your sleep-having
to rise in the morning, and the rest
of the old story. Suppose you had
him on your hands every minute of
the day I"
After this lesson I forbore from
making further suggestions, and
mutely played the role of messenger,
as she successively quoted the entire
list Of ;nfantile ailments and pre-
scribed their remedies The effect
was cumulative, in inverse ratio, for
the child's screams became louder
with every fresh dose
Ny patient silence, however, In
stead Of placating, seemed to irritate
my wife.
"Don't you think that sounds like
cole 2" she inquired, after an unusu.
ally shrill scream had shaken the air
Thus appealed to, l had to say some
thing, although l had not the least
idea what ought to say.
"My dear, l really don't known, |
am inclined to imagine'-
.Never mind what you imagine
Fancy a man of your age utterly
helpless in such an emergency. Go
out and buy some peppermint
ThisI procured, but it did not I'll
the bill BOT lime water came next :;
closely followed by tincture of gin
ger :; bat all three scored equal fail
ures.
s.Well should be ashamed to
stand there ikea wooden Indian,
and never SO much as offer a sugges-
ton u
In fact, l was nearing the despera.
ton mark, but managed to master
myself.
"My dear, please recollect that |
am utterly inexperienced in babies
This is our and-and-I was
never married before. However, /
do think that in the present case"
"Oh, stop your conjectures, and
get me some Rochelle salts"
After the latter had contributed
their share toward aggravating the
din, we experimental with the re-
.spective cures for feverishness, cold,
catarrh, sore mouth, cracked lips,
gumboil, headache, chafng, neural
gia, rheumatism, paralysis, paresis,
heart failure and apoplexy. These
and our wits we're simultaneously ex-
hausted, but the baby was still very
far from the limit of his lung ca.
pacity
made last random venture
"My dear, if you would try"
But my wife sharply interposed:
"Go for doctor, you idiot, before
the child is taken with convulsions
before our very eyes ~
1t was the last straw. S!ung to
the quick, I shouted:
"Hang it l believe the child is
hungry !"
My wife turned toward me, but
with a face no longer wrathful, for
the sudden consciousness of a mighty
truth, like the drawn of returning
reason, irradiated-almoes beautifed
= her features. Giving me pat
upon the back-which was meant as
caress, but left, as I later discover.
ed, black and a blue mark-she
...-~o,o1 c,,t &c tho roOpo Po},,r,