Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1896-07-03
PROFESSOR ]. DUSQUENE,
Political School.
Candidates Prepared.
uIudtes TISpdfeu,
=" ........... .....,,,....


l''........... ........... .....,,,.... -,
There would be nothing remarkable
ABOUT this sign were 1t not for the last
line. 1t has sinister ring to it, and
after the writer had gazed at 1t for q
minute or two, 1t seemed to have the
mystical powers of a magnet A knock
on the door was followed by the sound OF
subdued hustling In the room. as If the
| occupant were making some lightning
| changes in the appearance of the apart
| ment When the door was opened this
suspicion was confirmed. Curtains in the
four corners of the room hid various ar
ticles OF household use. The end of the
gas stove peeped out of one corner, the
rim OF wash basin was visible in an
other. the 'odor of flying onions emerged
! from third and stack of clothes shoes
and hats could be seen in the fourth
There was no mistaking that Professor
j. Dusquene lived slept, ate and dressed
In the political school.
Inc professor was not only a French
man, he was a Partisan, and a Partisan
in mighty hard luck He gave the first
two items of information in splendid Eng
lish and the visitor guessed the third
To let the professor down easy at the
start, the caller frankly stated that he
was not to be considered in the light of
prospective pupil, that he was not a pol
itician, and that he was a candidate only
for an ambition to maintain a weekly
meal ticket in his family This last
seemed to touch tender chord In the
bosom of the professor. He gave a sigh
of sympathy. Then he was ready ana
willing to talk and explain all about that
part OF the sign which says Candidates
Prepared"
The Explanation.
Il have come here" he said, ito teach
your candidates how to manage them
selves In the coming campaign. I know
all about your elections. AS soon as all
the nominations have been made 1 will
send out circulars, not only to che presi-
Dental candidates, their aides and speak.
ers, but to the local candidates in each
state.
MY system is good one. 1t has been
tried with success In France and Eng
land. The elections in France are quite
exciting, but I understand that they are
more exciting here. What 1 want is
plenty OF excitement, yes and mud sling
ing, and then will be rich. supply an
armor that is absolutely impervious tc
mud. 1T leaves the candidates spotless
ana unruH1ed. Yes, candidate can be
deiuged by an avalanche of mud and he
Will emerge unstained and with a smiling
front to his constituents
What is the system? That is easily ex
planned. l will tell how l schooled a ia
nous Frenchman who was running fo1
office in Paris. He was an excitable. sen.
sitive man and my teachings were pecul-
iarly beneficial to a candidate of his tenn
permanent.
The System.
HE called on me and / told him the
first thing to learn was to accept every
thing without losing his head, to be anna
bic at all times, to treat calumny with
quiet contempt, to ignore base insinua-
tons and great many other things of
the same kind. He agreed with me and
l informed him that the course of treat
ment would make it necessary for us to
be In each others society for at least one
week. He again agreed, and the teach
ing was at once begun.
I'VE walked out together, conversing.
My dear SIR 1 said, 4 knew you many
years ago when you were not quite so
arrested for swindling a poor woman
" You internal scoundrel,' exclaimed
the candidate. I will knock you down
unless you apologize at once
=" That my dear sir, costs you 80 francs
This is my system. When you lose your
temper in this way you must pay me
80 francs for every outbreak. Let me ad-
wise you to remember our preliminary
conversation at all times, otherwise you
viii nave to pay me a great deal of
money OF course he handed me the 30
francs. promising to do better.
The little incident that just happened,
my dear sir, reminds me- 1 continued,
of your father. He was an old friend of
my fathers and l remember the dear old
gentleman was very fond of him.
I am happy to know that, but /
do not recall the name as that of one of
my fathers friends
" L can understand that. You see dur
ing the last years they were not on very
friendly terms. 1t was the unfortunate
duty or my father to have your father
drummed out of the army for cowardice'
That is an outrageous lie, sir. Re
tract at once. My father was never in
Thirty francs, please
1t Paid Well.
do you know that in the week spent
with that gentleman he paid me 600
francs. Twenty times that gentleman
lost his good sense. OF course the prov
ocation was severe in each instance. The
last day of the week l did not catch him
once, although every ounce of fertility in
my brain was exerted. l even had pub
hshed in a paper a letter charging him
with having run away with another
mans wife,. and I watched him read 1t.
and he only smiled. You can readily per-
ceive what wholesome system mine
is"
did the man get elected?"
yes, sir; and with one of the largest
majorities ever given to candidate for
Office in France"
do you expect much business bere?,'
"A very considerable amount, sir. 1
have even received intimations that a
candidate for the highest honor within
the gift Of the American people will ben
eft by my system. My fee here will be
$40. In September and October I ex-
pect to be overrun with pupils. Call
again and I will tell you how I pros
per-"