Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-12-13
HIS WEST-END LIFE.
THE IDLER Is NOW A RESIDENT
or RICHMOND's SUBURBS.
THOSE HARDlNGERS OF DEATH.
The Awful Mcnaccs os Lifc-Insur-
nncc Agcnfs--Nr. Clevciand's Mes
sage TOO Long 90 Teiephonc--lIcn
Talk Too Huch.

nncc Agrnts-hr. ticNcinnur hcs-
sage TOO Long 90 Teiephone-lIen
Talk TOO Much.
People are the same The world over.
barring. OF course a little difference o.
complexion between white and "cullud
plssons" used to think the Cary
street contingent, between the water
plug and tine horse hospital we're a race
IA themselves but az the man who con-
fesses himself a liar expresses IT, "there
are others" Iut Of ny neigabors. more
anon. Just now I'm living a suburban life
on the hoopskrts Of our great and grow
ing city. Where once the whlskered goat
browsed I'm peace and harmony on the
deceased tomato can. smiling residences
at '.5 per month now adorn the neighbor-
hood 40 more the bull-frog croars
among the Unison" weeds On the meadow
Tor that. alas has become the
renCezous Of corner lots. Streets run
through the olG-time muck-heaps. and
the voice OF the electrician conductor f.
heard in the sand. in the distance looms
Ni tftiN"la A ts'. OF DIS NA'A llNts AlfHNA-
lcr" Calmly. and with that noble mien
which we OF Picketts Division remember
at Gcttyslur-. be- silently watches the
| Baseball Park. occasionally numbering
On the summer season gt de-ompJscd de-
ci7iJu or tne umpire. TO the north STANDS
the great preacher mauuf1ct9ry-Ric
uOnd College. Looking around oar back
fence. through nC.shhOrly C.othes-lines,
one secs the figure Of the bronze can
nOneer in H0Wltzcr Place. Though I've
always suspected the metallic gunner Of
wearing "a hustle. and though 10 has been
indisputahly proven that be has not
changed his linen FOR three aars, I adj
mirc this young man more than words
can tell. Tie is the representative Of an
heroic band OF soldiers who Eive delight
f1l annual t3uQucts. Anything suggestive
of the HoWitzers picascs me. I made the
fret speech Of my career before them.
j. was he effort OK my .ife-also. ~ theirs
90 sic and listen 20 me. Hard Dy my
residence Tes'dences. We call Them up
ho-e, not houses Is the hofae OF great
tobaccCnist. whose house PITS On beaut-
fui lawn Many wealthy men have
adopted as the motto for their coat ~
arms that dear old phrase: Keep or
the Cgass', but not SD with this gentle
man. Those wishing 10 90 on his grass
are allowed SO 20 90. our dog often
meets friends there % nights.
II e. IN this neirhborhooi that now
reside end have deposited my goods,
c1attcis. ana Iealthy-appe'ited personal
property. BDt as ] said before, the people
around here are strangely akin 10 Cary
street folk They have "a cordial way or
looking over their back fences sc you
and took m accurate inventory OF my fur
niture when / first moved fin. Several
gentlemen stayed away from their bust
ness that day % assist Ia the inventory
and mGIy opera glasses were levelled g.
ne. We were endorsed 20 sight more
than many men Will do FOR my negotiable
paucrD. and have loaned out several cups
OF -four Last night our silver spoons
were borrowed for a big supper across tho
way How Ike dear. old Cary street 10
al seems. The pattcring OF steet-car
footsteps IS heard necessarily az our
doors. while the shrill ring OF the
motorneer's bell IS forever donging IN our
ears. The Richmond Railway and Elec-
ito C'on7rarv have presented ne with an
annual pass-one OF the graudest deeds OF
, modern phian thropv j ever knew. NO
thing but an advertising rate OF . cents
q line and my Vcnerauon FOR the CITY
editor prevents my writing a toluhnh
about this heroic set alone. The denizenS
OF this viclnege pretend 70 be enthusiasts
ON the subject OF walking. They always
hoof II 10 their respective places OF bust
ness. which IS a polite way OF admitting
that they are trying 10 save car rare
Should my pass be renewed IN January
I shall expose this treachery in ecatnng
terms and allegs that Franklin street
people resort TO no such subterilges'
Tho cir in this section is delightfully."-
ytreet q brewery being not very far as
tam and on rainy days crystal waters
dash pell-mell. In ediing whirls. through
our culverts Lie IS long cream OF
haDuiness, awakened only by our iani-
lords rap on rent-day.
There IS nothing which makes me 20
ioyv-spirited and downcast as indigeslIon
or tho visit OF life-insurance agent
srosk Of the two in the distinctive. ana
shau confue my remarks 20 tho latter
To cure the former. take pills. To save
voursef from the latter. die. These me-
Insurance agents-bless them-ar9 al
clever fellows. and wear good clothes
frou the profits OF their trade but they
30 NV blood run coldi When i went
abroad 10 interview the Queen or ltAls
on the subject of buying my patent nut
meg crater, they ewarmed INTO my ol'l~0
and slnpUed me with literature galore
literature 10 burn. II tho truth DO known.
"Cro.s the ocean without n policy they
safd In holy horror. es they shudderei
- tfe thought, while they inw9rdly cal-
cri,te1 on the premiums they were eoins
=, eorn Don't think Of It; don't think
OF H." And thee they paintei tha PIC
turas OF ghlpwrecks and slrGiug bNlo"s
aud crashing timhers. il my mind
hoard the swish Of the waves Ger the oui-
v-arks. and saw myself plunging into the
sea with nought to clutch Dlt the cora
efonnar 10 rny brandy flask. Every day
al nv trip I was tormented by the rscol-
lection of what they hai said, and even
after the Queen had endorsed my nut
roez crater luQuire II your grocer has ~
! was sim persecuted by these fears.
or late these same insurance men have
t,iren n into their heads that must de-
erd have resumed their where-wil-you-
snard-eternity inquisitions. None Of them
c,r saw that / lack courtesy. l listen III
Ceor and trembling TO them; l am both
rasnectful and horror-stricken. ! weep
brinv tears when they picture my lat9'
and then T. send them 10 my iath-i'
Tbev rlcture the joys OF my widow ana
far,ilv when the policy IS Collected anu
describe the happy circle that nave lei1
behind. l see the children sitting on my
,,rocIoue dictionary or painting the en-
cravings I'm my Shakespeare WIN W-
go tox OF water-colors. l behold my
widow bearing her trouble WIN Ollls1le''
i,,,otion-wonderfu resignation 1
.,,i,l--os She prepares TO leave for a six
,,,.ots, Trim to q summer resort. Ana
th.r suddenly. I halt and ask myself;
,.yvbere am 1 at?' The answer echoes
5ead Then the bottom drops out OF the
U,hoia scheme like a land-boom deal, ana
cautiously explain TO the insurance
oyent that my financial status Is such
81 T can incur no more Obligations.