Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-04-09

1t is contrast too intense
To strike his intellect as funny;
At first he paid her compliments,
And now lne pays her alinony.
| Judge.
| He-'I would kiss you if l thought no
| one would see me-" She-"ShaH
close my eyes Woonsocket Reporter
| Clara-"Mr. Nicefello said my face
was classic. What is classic? Dora
''Oh, most anything old. Good News.
scientists say now that handshak~
| ing conveys disease" 'Of course;
that's the way the grip got started -
| Louisville Courier-J Journal.
! Miss Flora lin pair of stupendous
sleeves)-"How do look, NedY' Ned
| OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES simply unap-
proachable. Boston Transcript
There comes sadness cen with spring
| When gentle zephyfs blow
For though the violet twill bring,
The buckwheat cake must go.
! Washington Star
| Dashaway-"I have an idea that Mrs.
Hightoner has asked me to dinner in
order to fill up" Cleverton-"That's
what we are all going for, old NAM
Life.
eyes" said the cornfed philosopher,
cit is not so difficult to get something
for nothing. but when one gets it it is
not worth the price. indianapolis
| Journal.
! The Sheriff You say that fellow
who broke jail left message behindT
| The Keeper-''Yes, sir; here it is on
this paper Excuse the liberty takev"
Truth.
"'Tis hard to be poor sang the poet
| AS his mantle about him he furled;
| So he sang, but well did he know it
| Is the easiest thing in the world.
| Life.
Tim sorry | stole the preserves, ma"
"Ah, your conscience is troubling you,
is it?' II don't know exactly. Where
is my conscience, ma? "-Yonkers
Statesman.
Gen. Pompuss-"I am to speak at g.
banquet tonight and l want you
to write my speech for me-" Scribe
-'What do you take me fora gasfit-
| ter?"-Truth.
Your daughter has had great
many admirers" "Oh, yes; she puts
nearly all her window curtains on the
rods with her old engagement rings =
Chicago Record.
81 shore does hope said Uncle Nose,
"dat dey will git dis heah new photo
graph trick so fine by summer dat man
kin tell wedder melon is ripe. Indian
apolis Journal
/ The Married One--"Can you imagine
anything worse than marriage with
out loye?' The Unmarried One-"Yes,
I think can Love without marriage.
| for instance."-Life.
| The air bears hints of springtide JOY,
The sun asserts itself once more;
Tae torpid-footed message boy
At last has learned to shut the door.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
| Fannie-I have told you again and
again not to speak when older persons
were talking, but wait until they stop.
'I've tried that already, mamma. They
never stop Woonsocket Reporter.
| did you go into society in Philadel.
|
/ time there?', They don't kill it. They
| Just sit down and wait for it to die q
natural death. Washington Star.
Grace must refuse him, poor fell
low. but / wish l could do something
to lessen the pain of it. Maud-Get
some one to tell him that you haven't
| as much money as he thinks you have.
Brooklyn Life.
| Sprinkle ashes on the pavement,
Keep the quinine bottle near,
| Wear your ulster and your rubbers,
| For the gentle spring IS here.
Philadelphia Record.
Fuddy (hesitating to put his unlbrel-
la in the rack)-Isn't there danger OF
somebody taking the wrong umbrella
| by mistake? Duddy-Wrong umbrellas
are never taken by mistake.-Boston
| Transcript.
Brown-Just had talk with Thump-
mann, the pianist. He says that in the
early part of his career the critics as
! sailed him without mercy. Robinson
Must have been discouraging. Brown
/ It was. At one time he was on the
point Of having his hair cut.--Brook-
| Ign Life.
| She held a daisy in her hand
And plucked its petals one by one;
As fair picture was she then
/ AS e'er was shone on by the sun.
| The rude young man; who. unawares,
Approached her nearly had a fit,
! To hear her roseleaf lips enun-
| Ciate-"EIe loves me--loves me nitr'
indianapolis News.