davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26
HAC TO LEAVE.
Tbe WeAthes Clerk Was Not Appreciated
In EllvilIe.

In EillVille.
A stranger in Bllville walked into the
postotiice and asked to DO directed to the
signal service man.
"He amt here no more, said the
postmaster
"Isn't here?'
ono. You see, they don't stay long
they emigrate.
"Emigrate?"
Eyes, sir. You see. it's this way. We
had one here six years ago, an every
time he'd prophesy cold it would come
so hot you couldn t stand linen buster,
an when he ID hang out the storm flag
the weather'd come as mild a. mutton,
an when he said rain it would come so
dry you could hear the ground crack,
an he got to be looked on as SIGH liar
that the parson took him for text an
said hell wuz his portion, an it worried
him SO that he took to drink an give it
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26

Talker-Whcn | tortured, there was
not dry eye IN the audience
Walker-Indeed, and what was youi
subject?
Talker-I had been addressing
school of cookery and giving practical
illustration of how to peel an onion
London Tlt-Bits.
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26
HIDING HER DIAMONDS.
Take Lesson From the Woman Who Put
Hers In Her Old Shoes.

Take "a Lesson From the Woman Who Put
Hers In Her Old Shoes.
A group of Washington women had
been telling each other where they hid
their treasures from possible thieves.
One used her pillowcase, "a second had
a pocket on her stocking, another the
lining of her picture hat, when third
said she always tucked things in her old
shoes.
"Then you want to take warning from
the experience of friend of mine.
said Mrs. Tarsney of Missouri. "Sho
had beautiful diamond rings, ornaments,
earrings and other articles, and when an
epidemic Of hurglaries came along she
took TO hiding her diamonds in her old
est shoes. One night she was awakened
by burglars down stairs. She thought il
they heard some one moving about they
would take fright and run away with.
out attempting to come up where she
was. So she went to the head of tho
stairs, but the burglars kept ON and
didn' t mind her i'll the least She hur-
ried back into her room, caught up tho
first articles that came handy and sent
them over the balusters. After they had
left her hand she was struck with horror
to discover her old shoes humping down
the stairs, attended by a shower Of her
diamonds. Luckily the shoes did tho
work The burglars didn t stop To inyes-
tigate, and the woman had strength
enough to gather up her jewels. all Of
which shofound except one earring. The
next day the maids had t. sweep the
entire floor to discover that. But she
doesn't use her old shoes as diamond
safes since. Philadelphia Press
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26
FARM FOR SALE IN SKOWHEGAN.

| offer for sale the farm, on which Benoise
Loomis formly lived situated three miles
from Skowhegan Post Office. containing about
$50 acres. well divided into pasture, timber
land, good fields and good sized orchard of
young trees, all well watered. Barns, Stable
and Sheds in good repair, and House in fair
condition. Will be sold low and on desirable
terms to suit purchaser viii be sold in
whole or in part. Inquire OF
c. II. LOOMS.
Skowhegan, August 2, 1895, tf32
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26

The jugRle Of sophistry consists, for
the most part, in using IA word in one
sense in the premises and i'll another
sense in the conclusion -Coleridge
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26
Stick to
- Welcome.

New England housekeep-
ers are too wide awake to be
fooled into buying inferior
soap more than once, just
because there is a present
given with it.
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26

Cincinnati makes every year over
$3.50, 900, 900 worth of goods.
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26
BALCH BROS.
For Sale !!

Cottage House of sever
rooms at East Madison, to-
gether with stable and car
riage house and two acres OF
land. Would exchange tor
property in Skowhegan VIII
lage. Also desirable farm
with good buildings. This
place is situated in a good
neighborhood with 6 GOD
schools and has nice water in
house and barn. Apply to
MCCLELLAN & SAVAGE.
Milburn Block,
Skowhegan, Maine.
EFs - soft
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26

Mr.. t,eo- T Fletcher having purchased the
interest Of \. II. DorSou lu the nrm of Gorsou
* Morrill,, a new firm - hereby formed IL
carry Oh the same business al the old stand
by the undersigned, under the firm name Of
Morrill, y Fletcher.
SkoW egau, Jan. "A. 1896, Swt2
GEO. f. MORRILL,,
GEO. I. FLETCHER.
The Somerset reporter., 1896-03-26
NJ ANY ODD REMEDIES.
MAN OIL, AM SPIRITS AND OTHER
CURIOUS THINGS USED.

Those Who Use Them Firmly Believe In
Their Virtues Drug Clerks supply the
and CHARGING Fancy pric,s
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
FREE TO CYCLIsT READERS OF THE
EAGLE.
A Valuable Handbook on the Wheel Sent
to Bicyclists With Our Compliments.

A Valuable Hand Book on the Wheel Sent
to Btcyclists With Our Compliments.
4 book which may be read TO great
advantage by all cycling devotees. has
recently been published by the Cyclist
Companion Publishing Co. 1t contains
useful information for everyone inter
ested in the wheel, including hints and
Instructions for the beginner, the lady
rider and the tourist. Many pages are
devoted TO points on the care and repair
Of wheel so that the average rider
may learn to keep and mend his wheel
without frequent visits 10 repair shop.
Suggestions on training and racing by
such riders as Zimmerman and Bald
are among the interesting articles,
while a complete list of road and track
records is also included. Points on
touring, both in u. 5. and Europe with
a number of choice routes. suggestions
on dress, medical advice on healthful
cycling and a wealth Of useful and in
teresting information, with a collection
OF half-tone photographs of famous
racing men and prominent riders, max
ing altogether valuable acquisition to
any cyclists library.
Arrangements have been made so
that all readers of the Eagle who ara
interested in bicycling can have copy
OF the Cyclists Companion Publishing
Co. 1913 y. 18th Street, Philadelphia,
Pa. with three two-cent stamps. TO de-
fray the postage and incidental eX-
penses. In writing state our paper as
there are a special edition published for
our readers
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
A FAMILY DISCUSSION.
Bat He. ,BoraR Fails to Take O Fan
In IL.

Bat He. ,BoraR Fails to Take O Hand
IN H.
Boram abhors anything frivolous,
and when he sat down to dinner ths
other day 1t was with a determination
TO carry ON a rational and pleasant con-
versation such as the doctor had assured
him would promote digestion and good
health. There was one thing remark.
able about that st. Louis con-" he be.
gan.
Quit scrouging me-" shouted the
youngest as he landed on the short rib
of his sister with pointed elbow.
There was ono remark"
"Jist a drop more cream in this here
coffee" from the country uncle, who
was In to spend few days. to the head
of the table.
''Ahem! There was one re-"
Il scorched on the avenue last night, -
broke in the shock-headed boy who is
in the seventh grade. II wasn't
sheered of no policeman. I give 'em
the hyenar laugh"
There was one remarkable"
Sarah, when sound tho buzzer you
are expected to respond at once" said
Mrs. Boram as the maid of ell work ap-
peared. Help Mr.. Boram to some more
butter"
There was one
81 don 'tmindEdifh Wobberlyborrow
ing books from ms" cut In tho eldest
but she's got TO return them or I will
choke of the supply. Sons people
never do know anything
There wa"
There has been so much rain this
season that we can't couat on more ON
half 9 crop of anything. Never saw the
like IN my life. I'm clean discouraged"
and tho bucoic uncle nopped his ford
countenance with bandana
Were you going TO say something,
paps?" queried Mrs. Boram Of her hus.
band
Not a thing. Don't let me inter
rupt this highly edifying conversation
Pass the red pepper" Fra
Press.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
MISSOURI PACIFIC RAILWAY CO.

MISSOURI PACIFIC RAILWAY co,
Time Card. Effective June Is. 1886.
LeAve-East Bound.
Train No. 10. Kansas and Ne
nraska Limited. for Fort Scott
Train 10. s, kansas City and st.
Louis Express. $40 p. m.
Leave for South and West.
Train No 8. for Clearwater. Con-
way Springs. Anthony. Kiowa,
Kingman. Norwich, Oxford.
Train No. 457, for Conway
Springs and Anthony.....-.....3 $40 p m.
Leave for North and West
Train No. 9. kansas and Ne
braska Limited" for Hutchin-
son. Pueblo, Colorado Springs
Train RAIN No. Sss. ie1cept Sunday, ''i' p H.
for Mount Hope and Hutchin-
son ......................... TN a. m.
Arrive at wichita from tire East.
Train No 9. kansas and Ne
braska Limited" from Fort
Scott and St Louis. 1855 D. m.
Train No. 3. from Kansas City
and st. Louis..........---..-.... TO >. n.
Arrive at Wichita from South and West.
Train No. s, from Kiowa, An
thony. Conway Springs and D.
NJ. and A. points. SOS p. m.
Train No. 45s from Anthony and
CONWAY Springs .1a:55 A. m
Arrive az Wichita from North and West.
Train No 10. from Denver. Col
orado Springs. Pueblo and
Hutchinson .....--...-.........-. lilo a. m.
Train No asa, from Hutchinson
and Mt Hope. $50 D. m
dress City Ticket office. No. Pac. Ry., II.
" Main St, Wichita Kan
r. p. BLFCKLEY, p. and 7. A.
Depot corner Wichita and 2nd ST.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18

to Burton, Kan. Through Pullman
sleepers Burton, Kan, 10 Pueblo, Den
Yer, FL PaSo, Lon Angeles, san Diego and
San Francisco. Connects at Burton.
Kan, with A. T. & s. F. for points n
Colorado, Wyoming Utah. Nevada, Ida
no, Montana, Oregon, Washington, New
and Old Mexico, Arizona and Cali1or-
MIA
No. Jos. ST. Louis Inited-Hss re-
clining chair cars tseats free) and Pull
man buffet drawing room sleepers 70 81.
Louis. Reclining chair cars tseats tree)
and Pullman Palace Sleeper Monet 20
Dallas, Tex, via Paris Connects az
Monet with No. for points in Arkansas
and Texas. Connects at Monet with
No 6 which connects at st. Louis Union
Station with all lines for the east, north
and southeast.
Through tickets on sale to all points.
For further information can on or
address W. ". TAGG.
City Ticket Agent.
Or. W. TORREY, Depot Agent
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18

emaciated mAn~wnoee sumken" cheeks
bleached by prison pallor, told OF long
suffering in confinement
''Oh, All, yes!" said the judge, some
what more briskly, when he saw the
man.
The poor wretch trembled.
my good fellow" said the Judge, b.
uignly, this should be the proudest
moment of your hfel"
After pausing . few moments 70 give
due effect To his words;
Some time ago." he went on, you
were found innocent OF e crime with
which you had been charged. Sincs
then"
The face Of the court fairly radiated
with smiles.
lyon have been locked up IA q dark
close cell by mistake. By mistakei" he
repeated, with blithesome laugh, IN
order that the man might appreciate "a
the full all the humor Of the sftuation.
And now," continued the white
maned Justice, with wondrous philan.
rthropy, you are about to be endowed
with q general seasonal apology. Such
a distinction is not reserved for many
men. Would that it were! Would
that"
There was no doubling the depth and
since1ity OF this godhks wish.
"Many hundreds of others might %
wrongly imprisoned and thus receive
the judicial apology. We apologize &c
you, my dear man Wewiu not hesitate
TO apologize once more when the same
thing occurs again. Go forth, my
friend"
! The man turned toward tho outsid<
air as ON a pivot.
"But do not let the honors we have
showered upon you make you overbear
ing toward your fellow creatures
And"
The freed one stopped on the threshold
of liberty.
Remember that the joke Is on usi'
IN. Y. Journal.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
THE GOOSE AND THE DUCK.
A Fsbie That Has q Weu-Turnsd
Moral

Moral
A Goose who was summing himself on
q bank was much put ont by the inn
portnut sirs assumed by a Duck, and
finally observed:-
Thank heaven that 1 wasn't born
with such waddle rs you've got"
Nor with my good looks, either" re-
torted the Duck.
"Bahl Your coiors fade in the
washi''
Your voice Is cracked"
at Is, eh! Let Us go 10 the Gobbler
and settle this matter. We will ask
him To decide between U.S."
When the Gobhler had looked then
both over and beard each one sing, he
picked his teeth with a straw, looked
very wise for q time and then said:
''Weu. now, but up 10 this moment I
had credited both of you with good
looks and common sense. Now that you
particularly dnw my attention to your
selves find you both so homely that
1t makes my head ache, and I am
amazed that either of you has wit
enough to keep your head shove water
Moral: Ones broken nose Fever
looks so bad until you bras Of its gym.
net-y-N. Y. World
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
The Season
l. HOAo

Calling is now the order of
the day. You can't dc it
properly unless you are equip
ped with engraved cards.
They are artistic; all others
have been relegated to days
of barbarism. If you haven't
the proper thing, we will get
them for you. They cost no
more than the the cheap
printed or poorly written ones
and besides, you are up with
the times.
II you have a plate we will
get you 100 latest cards for
$500, or have your name en-
graved at $3.50 per hundred.
We have samples and de-
signs in handsome Wedding
Invitations, at Home Cards
at prices that will get your
trade.
THE EAGLE PRESS
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
LILLIAN RIDES AN ELEPHANT.
Fair Actress Engages . Trainer to Tel
Kcr How TO Do IT

Fair Actress Engages . Trainer 70 Tex
Ker How TO Do IT
In the new opera, The American
Beauty" Miss Lillian Russeus part TO
luires that she shall make her seoUud
oct entrance on the back of an elephant
Miss Russell was averss TO the pro
csediDs, but the moment that she 10
Iizsd thst the elephant was absolutely
essential 10 tbs play she cast her objeo
stcas 70 the wind suG threw herself into
he rehearsal hsar. and soul. The only
trouble was Miss Russell felt she could
aot ride well enough to appear in pub
lie. so in order that there might be 10
Itch at the opening. she has engaged
Tod Sloan, the champion light weight
jockey. 10 give her series of riding les.
sons
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
WAS AN UNUSUAL HONOR.

Sadge Apologies to an Old Prisoner
After Reversal
a white-locked, sermoniZing judge
sat upon the bench, whereon he had
been placed by an effervescent vote of
the people. He carelessly read through
the mornings list OF reSersals OF hisown
decisions by the supreme court, ald
yawned.
Bring on case be said.
''W hat case2' asked the faithful clerk.
ANY old case" replied the judge
]where l can talk"
They led before him a weak apd
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
HIS Expectations.

Irate Father-in-Law-I thought wher
you married my daughter you said yo,
had expectations. Where are they, sir:
I repeat. where are they?
Worthless Son-in-Law-Well. IL yc,
don't know. sir, I'm sure don't Iun
ders5ood that you were wealthy man
-Harper's Bazaar.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
A Wo-derful Yarn.

4 correspondent OF the Toronto Globe
reports the most marvellous thing We,
n the way OF mirage. At 4 certain
roint On the coast Of Alaska town
doomed ~ in the sky, which town
was clearly recognizable as Bristol in
England. Just half way round the world.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
CONNECTIONS

No. 1ol. Kansas mail-HSs reclining
chair cars tseals free and Pullman
dra wing room sleeper 70 Wichita and
Burton Kan Connects al Wichita
Kan. with A T & ;. T. for points n
Cherokee strip and Oklahoma Cor
meets al Burton. Kan. with A =. &
:. r. for points IN Kansas
No. ICE 81. Louis nlSil-Has reclining
chair cars (seats free 10 St Louis end
Pullman drawiax-roo1 sleeper 10 Mo-
nett. Connects a. Pierce City. No. with
No. 80 for points Il Indian Territory Via
Nea<ho. at Monett with No. ;, the Tex
as limited (vestfou,sd) which has r.
dining chair cars (seats sreel. Pullman
drawing room slsepers 20 Galveston va
Parss and Dallas. has dining car Tall
htna 10 Dallas; connects at Monet with
No . which connects at Union Station.
81. Louis. with al lines for the east
north and southeast
No. 1es- Colorado and California lin
ited-Has reclining chair cars seats
free TO Burton and Anthony. Kan.
Pullman buffet drawing roou slee,e-s
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
HOW ABOUT
Your Letter Heads
And Envelopes?

When you are out, remember
that you can get a s IL White
Envelope printed at this Office,
in 5000 lots, for SI.oo per thous-
and.
This is less than you can buy
the plain Envelope.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18

All letters pertaining to the business OF
| the printing department. binoery, SUD
scription' CT for advertising should De 40,
| dressed to the business manager. AL
| other communications TO the sditor.
The only daily paper in Soutnwes,ern
Kansas or Oklahoma RECEIVING the con-
plete Associated Press report
TERMS OF BSCRIPTION-DAlLi
On advance, postage prepaid.
Daily, one copy one year: ~
Daily, one copy six months: ......-..-... -
Daily, one copy three months.'...-...'' - -
Daily, one copy one month ....;..;..:ii. ~
Three times a week, any days cesireo' a.
Three times a week, any days DESIRED *
Two times a week, any day desired. . :.
WEEKLY EAGLE.
One copy one year.............-......... D"
Ey CARRIERS.
Daily, delivered in Wichita and SUD- -
urbs. per week. 10
Daily, delivered in Wichita and SUD- -
urbs, per ~
TO ADVERTISERS.
Rites OF advertising made known upon
application.
The proprietors reserve the right to re-
ject and discontinue any advertisements
contracted for either by themselves OF
their agents.
Entered in tn pestofice at wichita as
second-class matter and entered for trans
mission through the malls as sucn .
Eastern Business ONCE, The Tribune
Building, New York City: Western Bust
ness Office, ''InA Rookery," Chicago; The
S G. Beckwith Special Agency. SoIs
Agents Foreign Advertising.
Readers OF the Eagle when in New York
City or Chicago. can see copies OF the
paper at the Office OF our agent AT the ad-
dress given above
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
WICHITA AND WESTERN

ARRIVE FROM wrST.
NO. Pratt ard Kingman passen-
ger daily except Sunday ........ IL
NO. Pratt and Kingman accom-
notation, Tues, Thurs. and Sat.
DEPART WEST
No. kingman and Pratt passen-
ger daily except Sunday. ...-..
No. 3 Kingman and Pratt accom-
mediation, Mon, Wedn. and Fri
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18

Elegant free reclining chair cars on all
trains and Pullman Palace sleepers from
Wichita TO Chicago and Kansas City with
out change. Also sleepers on all night
trains TO Fort Worth, Houston, San An
for Kansas City on 1850 p. m train will be
open for occupancy at p. m, and sleeping
car passengers arriving at SIS a m can
remain in sleeper until s a m. Tickets
sold and baggage checked to all points
north, south, east and west. Steamship
tickets sold to all European points at low
est rates. Passenger station corner Doug
las and Meade avenues. Telephone 100.
HAL S. RAY, d. p. A.
JOHN SEBASTIAN.
G.P. & T. A, Chicago.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18

GOING NORTH AND EAST.
No 9 Kansas City, st. Louis
and Chicago limited daily 910am 90
No . Colorado Springs, Den
yer andPacific coast daily 910e m 93
No Kansas City ST. Louis
and ChicagHnight express
daily except Sunday. 10 As p m 10 s
ELECTROMAGNETIC daily
except Sunday. Q so m 10
GOING SOUTH AND WEST
No Fort Worth. Dallas.
Houston and Galveston
express, dally,... 6 So p m II:
No Oklahoma, Ft Worth
, New Orleans and Pacific
coast, daily So p m /;
No 3Oklahoma, Ft Worth
Dallas and New Orleans
express, daily, except
sunday .................... % N 81
No Sort Worth, Houston
Galveston and San Anto-
hio express. daily, except
SUPERINTENDENT SIS am q
No 81 Accommodation, eX-,
Cept SUNDAY. o35 7, m 4 ~
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
TRAINS

Chicago. Rock Island and Pacific Railway.
Time table effective Sept. IS, 1895.
TRAINS Arrive Leave
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18

1000 a m
200 pm
$40 p N
S'l5 q m
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
MUSIC.
MOZART SCHOOL OF MUSIC
MRS. d. HAYS, Principal.
30 Sedgwick Block
MISS EUDORA WOODS

TEACHER OF SINGING.
For terms apply at 741 North En-
porla avenue.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-09-18
TOO BUSY TALKING
BUSINESS SUFFERS WHILE THE
SILVER CAUSE AGITATES

pr..,asrt NJ the "Cotton Belt" Says the
D;n,,,fsbed Earnings, on Ac-
count of the short Cotton Crop, Would
No, Have Made SO Much Difference,
o,Iv Other Business Along the Line Is
alta Standstill, on Account OF the De-
ranrement to Business Due to the Silver
Agitation-other Railroad News.
Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1896-12-24
THIRrnEN MONTHS N a YEAR.
A Proposition to start 1000 with -
New Division OF Time.

A Proposition to start 1000 with -
New Division of Time.
1t is suggested that on Jan. /, 1900,
new division of the year into thirteen
months be instituted. 1t is claimed
that this is not so preposterous as most
people would be likely to consider 1t at
the first thought. If such a division
were made, the first twelve months
would have just twenty-eight days, or
four weeks each, and the new month
twenty-nine, to make 3G5. aud one in
leap years. After a few days there
would be no need to refer to calendars,
as the same day Of the week would
have the same date throughout the
year. If Jan. / were, say, Monday,
every Monday would be the LIST, 9Th,
10Th and 22d; every Tuesday, the End,
9th, 10th and 23d, and so throughout
the year. The changes of the moon
would be on about the same dates
throughout the year, and many calcula-
ton, like interest, dates Of maturing
notes, Easter Sunday and many other
important dates, would be simplifed.
Although the present generation would
have to figure new dates for birthdays
and all legal holidays except New
Year would be on different dates, yet
the gain would be more than the loss,
as that would be permanent, and the
objections trifling.
The proposed change certainly has
the merit Of novelty, and 1t is just to
say that the argum ents in favor of the
metric system on the ground Of utility,
apply with considerable force to the
present case. We fear, however, that
the objections on the grounds Of senti-
ment, which are strong in the matter
of weights and measures, would be
even stronger against the proposed re-
vision Of our method of our computing
time.-Sclentific American.