Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-10-12
JUST FOR FUN.

Judge-You are accused Of carry
ing razor. Prisoner-But yo' honah,
it war safety razyah.
That child cried for an hour this
afternoon. Why didn't you give it to
him? asked the absent minded faith
er.
She-Don't you always pity girl
who is frightened in the dark. He
Naturally, cannot help feeling for
her.
Teacher-In what way can one be
of great service to his fellow beings?
Pupil did know; but I've forgot
the answer.
Tom, what will you have for your
birthday, bicycle or a watch? BIZ
cycle. said Tom. The wheels are
bigger.
A religious publication says:-The
man who whistles hardly ever swears.
! He doesn't need to. His neighbors do
that part OF it.
Has Maude's head been turned by
that fortune she Inherited? No; only
her nose. It has turned up about
fifteen degrees.
Housewife-Are you afraid of
work? Slumbering Sam-Not in the
least, marin. I have olep soundlY by
de side Nv it fer hours.
Patchy Oliver-What do We like
best, beer or whiskey? Weary Wag
-Whiskey. Ye kin git drunk
wit less effort swallerin.
Mr.. Oldstyle-I don't think that
college education amounts to much.
Mr.. Sparerod- you? Well, you
ought to foot my boys bills and see.
You say she is comic singer? Yes.
I suppose she has appeared in bur-
lesque, too? Oh, dear, no. don't
think you could hire her to wear
boomers.
Well, old man, I've spent every
cent of money I had in the world on
my doctor Does he know it?
guess he does He has pronounc ed
me well man.
We have no use for bear stories,
said the editor, our readers demand
something spicy. Well, said the man
with the manuscript, this story is
about cinnamon bear.
What are your politics, my man?
asked the portly visitor of the prison
er behind the bars at the penitenti-
airy. Well, replied the latter hesitat
ingly, haven't come out for any
body yet.
Mrs. Colonel Dame-I am proud to
say that my grandfather made his
mark in the world. Mrs. Rev. Luz
tion-Well, I guess he wasn't the
only man in those days who couldn't |
write his name.
That's brilliant son Of yours, re-
marked the visitor, he's been to con-
gress, hasn't he? Yes, I believe he |
was an inmate for couple of years,
replied old Farmer Mossback, dryly. |
Applying her ples-Minnie-
Oh, Pm supertitious about Friday! |
Ida-WouId you decline proposal on
Friday? Minnie-Well-a h!-if it |
were satisfactory in other respects, I
might think it unlucky to decline.
That whiskey is Is years old, whis-
pered the bartender. Look here,
answered his rural customer, don't
try to git funny with me. You kin
list pour that thar stuff back inter the
bottle and I'll go whar kin git suthin
fresh.
A wealthy gentleman, somewhat
hard of hearing, had on his parlor
floor fur rug of a little known ami
NAL. A guest, noticing it, said to his
host. What kind of an animal does
that skin belong to? Belongs to me!
answered the wealthy man.
Everything is union and eight
hour in this town, said the resident
labor man, from the street railroads
to the gas works. I'll bet, though,
said the visitor, that the meters are
working overtime the same as usual.
And the resident had to give in.
Little Phillip had just returned
from Sunday school and was eating
some candy. Phillip, give
your sister some of your candy. Phil
lip Nope! Mother Why not?
Phillip-Cause my Sunday school
teacher told me to cleave to that
WHICH was good.
Manu- political speakers, clergymen, sing
ers and others who use the voice excessively,
huskiness and 1aryngitis. Its value as pre-
ventive is only equaled by its power to afford
railef. Il. G. Pierce, Barton.