The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1896-01-18
THE L1MEK1LN CLUB.
THE HON. WHYFoRE JACKSON DIS
CusSEs THE "HuMAN MAN."

After Putting the question OF what ~
Mani He Proceeds to Reply In Most Eio-
quent Manner-His Oratory, However,
Apparently Didn't Help the Collection.
It was known TO most members Of the
Iimekiln club that the Hon. Wbyfore
Jackson of Louisiana was In town, the
yuest of Brother Gardner, and no one
vas, therefore, greatly surprised to hear
he president announce at the opening
If the Saturday night meeting that the
visitor would consume the
evening In delivering his world renown-
I'd lecture on the subject Of Human
Man"
AS soon as the meeting had been duly
opened Giveadam Jones and Waydown
Bebee escorted the orator into the hall.
He looked to be short, fat, one story
man of a faded raspberry color, but he
had the dignity Of man who knows
that he has 50 in cash in his pocket and
his board paid in advance. and no visible
signs of embarrassment were apparent
rs he surveyed the audience before him
md began:
my frens, de subjick Of my orashun
tonight is Human Man. It Is an ora
,hun dat erected myself, widout any
help. I didn't steal it from Shakes.
peare, an l didn't hire no white man to
write it. [Sensation. was ober ten
y 'ars gittin dis orashun together. l
went slow an sure. / didn't propose to
fall into any mistakes. knowed dere
was heap to talk about. an l wanted
to git it all in whar it belonged. will
now purceed:
MAN Who an what is man? What
was man created fur? Why was he Gre
nted in de form of man instead Of a
hyena2 What use is he? What was he
BON fur2 In seekin to answer desc ques-
huns. my frens. you insensibly find
yourselves delving into de regions of
philosopy an follerin de unknown paths
of speculashun. In de fust place, what
was de use of all dis world widout manp
1t would simply be so much land an wa
ter gwine to waste. [Cries of Hear
Hear" S'posen all desc yere rabbits an
an chickens war runnin around
widout anybody to make use of EN-
what shameful waste Of meat it would
bel [Groans. OATS one reason man
was put yere-to eat chickens an SIGH.
t"Yum, yum"l
What is mani" continued the speak
er, as he shifted his weight to his left
leg. Hes substance composed Of
skin, blood, bones, teeth, toe nails,
brains, ear, an so on. He was created
fust, all out Of de best goods in de mar
ket. OATS de reason he's heap purifier
dan dog or cat. [Sensation. If he
had happened to hev been created along
about fifth or sixth, he might hev bin a
grounding or a whale. Involuntary
shivers. Oar ar seberal different sorts
Of men, as moas' of you probably know.
Dey wasn't all made Of do same color
nor in de same shape, kase dat would
hev bin monotonous. 1t would hev tried
de eye, same as lookin at a flock Of
white sheep. Oar am no sort Of quesh-
un in my mind dat black used to be de
moas popular color in de beginnin Of
things ["Hear Hearth, but de white
man fo'ced his way i'll an got hisself
boosted up to de top by some sort of
gum game. [Growls and mutterings.
Ibid you eber stop to think why man
didn't grow to be ten feet high an to
weigh ton? You probably neber did,
an yit de explanashuns ar right to
hand. If he was ten or 'leven feet high,
he couldn't walk around no back yard
widout sawin his neck on clothesline,
an if he weighed ton, an de roof of his
henhouse sprung a leak, how'd he eber
git up dar to fix it? [Great sensation.
Man was bon to walk uprightly. Why
wasn't he hon to go ON four legs like a
dog? Dis philosophical queshun proba-
bly, neber occurred to your intelleck,
but de reason is plain. You couldn't hey
crowded ober ten of him into street
kyar to once" [Cries Of "A-h-hl"l
The speaker here paused to wipe his
heated brow and moisten his throat with
a potash tablet, and after brief rest
continued:
while man is de highest order Of
creashun he has at de same time got dc
moas' low down traits Of character
about him. While on my way from
Canada some man stole my umbrella
from under my very nose decided SEN
satiorf], an ON two odder occashuns ef
forts war made to despoil me Of my
satchel. Dat was de work of man.
Would de lion, de tiger, de elephant OF
de grizzly bar descend to SIGH petty
meanness? [Cries of "Nol neverl"
Wolves lib together in harmony, but
man is allus in a fuss. De hyena knows
when he's got good thing, but man il
allus wantin better. Take an old hose
or mewl, an you kin depend upor
him cherry day in de week. Take de av
erage man, an you needn't expect tt
find him twice alike de same day. Zap
plause from Elder Toots, which wal
broken short off by Giveadam Jones Civ
ing him kick. Of what use is man
He thinks he's heap of use, but he,
dun mistaken bout dat De world wa
heah befo' he cum. 1t would hev biz
right heah now if nobody had eber biz
bon. Man jist comes, sloshes around
kicks up dust an departs, an de black
berry crop of de next var is jist as large
as if he had libed OH. samuel Shil
sheds tears.
my frens," continued the orator al
he frightened his left suspender by al
inch, imam is pore. useless, misguided
critter. He's generous one day an stingy
de next. He's way up on de pinnacl,
of greatness at 10 O'Clock in de mawnin
an at 8 in de afternoon he'll dodg'
around corner to git shet Of givin I
blind man cent. [Cries Of "That's SO
old mani One day he'll put his hant
into his pocket an give an orphan asy
lum 800, an de next he'll sue ;
pore man fur de value Of shillin's
Yesl Yes 1t ar my candid opinion
based upon long y ars Of observashun
dat man ar failure as a man. [Sen
sation. He would hev made fust rat
animal or bird an would hev bin g
decided success as an alligator. hev no
recommends to make. Man is as he is,
an he can't be no different. [Groans.
After de meetin is out colleckshun
will be token up fur de benefit Of de
undersigned, who's mighty sorry he
wasn't BON rhinoceros. Thankin you
fur your interest an courtesy, will
now bid you percolated good night an
stand at de doah as you go out. +"
There was roar of applause which
should have made the orator proud Of
his talents, and he stepped down with
q patronizing smile and took position
where he could shake hands with each
member as he passed out. The collec'
tion figured up 0 cents In cash, and