The San Francisco call., 1896-05-03


both itself and friend" He broughtacquaint-
ances to his lodgings and preached sermons to
them on the pranks of fortune and DEGREES of
fate.
"That bugle on the WALL" he would say, with
feeling in his voice, 'has been priced in my
family for generations. An ancestor sounded
its piercing treble in the campaigns of Fred
erick the Great. Often 1 have said that l
would lose my right hand rather than that
little old signal horn. And yet have reasoned
thus: poor wretch like me has no business
with costly relics when he lacks money where
with to purchase his daily food. I have hit
upon plan. Yes-I will rattle it awayP'
The story of the famous old bugle was not
long in spreading, and 100 ratfie-tickets at
dollar apiece were not long in being sold.
Strange 10 relate, the descendant of the bugler
to Frederick the Great seemed light-hearted
on the night of the rattle. The dice box
whirled out the winning number to the name
of newspaper man.
Newspaper men," remarked one of the un-
lucky nfnety-and-nine, "always fall in for
snapsp'
Days few by. The winner of the prize, hav-
ing played the races and dallied unluckily
at roulette, was reduced to grievous straits.
Already were his large Alaska diamonds stand
ing sponsor for loan.
'What shall 1 p" he queried to himself
And then his eye flashed on the ancient bugle.
"It is nard, old relic he exclaimed, "but it
seems at last that you are doomed to the pawn
shop" And secreting the curio under his coat
he sped out toward the sign of the three-balls.
ait is q valuable historical relic,'' he ex-
planned to his "uncle." ait was used in the
campaigns of Frederick the Great, and its esti-
mated value is 5000. 1t will be redeemed
without a shadow of doubt"
The pawnbroker hastily fingered the lnstru-
ment; then hastily handed it back.
"Dake id avayp' laughed the monarch of
percentages. "Don'd want id, mein vrendtl
Dot pugle vas in dot window dree monds !
Schmidt, dot ravvle-sharper, dook id-von
| tolleri Dake id avayp'
30, God, would sacrifice all of my lands,
And all of my gold." cried the millionaire
"For the use OF my palsied feet and hands,
To move and toll like the peasant there"
'I would give ten thousand ten times told"
Cried sightless rich man, "only to see
For the length of a minute, the child that hold
My prattling boy on his fathers knee?'
And the toiler strong. as he watches the play
Of his babe, while the good wife spreads his fare
Is heard to murmur, "We'd all be gay,
Could only change lots with a millionaire"
A descendant of Napoleon's "bravest of the
brave" has just dragged an honore name into
opprobrtum by necessitating its inse rtion in
the police record for inebriates 1t was the
misfortune of the degenerate owner OF the
name that he had never learned to say May"
"Step up, gentlemenl" cried the auctioneer; !;
'what am bid for first chance? What! No
body to start it? Was that your voice, David?'
''Not bidding, thank you. I took the chance
for Governor of New York. Now let Grover
Neither was II Fire it at him, and watch the
people do the rest"
Flowers, how sweet you are!
What rainbow colors see
Here, there, everywhere,
Blended in harmony.
Land by a sea submerged
Sea in whose wave array
Are SNOWFALL, lily and pink and rose
To be tossed by the prov of May.
But, flowers, bright as you are,
Though ever so sweet you be,
Your giories wane when cometh the queen
Who ruleth the floral sea.
When the Marketstreet Railway Company
awakens to the fact that in spite of the delays
and annoyances caused to the general public
by the transfer-eheck nuisance, the newsboys
are still traffcking in occasional transfers and
transfer-checks, it will undoubtedly feel i'm
PEELED to hire an army of Pinkertons whose
duty it shall be to shadow transferring passen.
gers from car to car. The newsboys then will
have SO much fun at the expense of the detec-
tives that the company will be satisfied 10 drop
a remedy that is incomparably worse than the
disease. A stop can be put TO the traffic in
transfers, however, by taking the newsboys
fnta the corporation. In this latter event. the
newsboys could be counted on to introduce
whole lot of genuine smsrtness, and, better
still, they would naturally exert purifying
influence.
Maginnis. the life of the alley is he,
The spryest OF wits and the greatest:
The boys get together in all sorts of westher
Whenever he's telling 'his latest.'
Maginnls' wit isn't studied whit
It's a spring flowing freshly forever:
AT picnic or ball he's the ki ngpin of all
With Ibis latest that's bound to be clever.
Maginnis can't open his mouth for q word
q But the boys on his speech a-dwelling;
Wherever the place is, there's smilelighted faces
Whatever Maginnis is telling
For fortnight the boys have been lost it'd seem
No more as Of old they be sh outing:
The wit Of the alley holds never a rally
AS if the old custom he's touting.
''Do you know but he's dead?" old oshannessey
said;
'of the loss of us all 'twould be greatest
So rushed TO find out. Said the nurse with
shout
''Red hair has Maginnis' latest"
Secretary Morton, in his Agricultural Year
Book, opines that because Americans do not
eat sufficient amount of greens" they are
becoming bilious race. The Secretary would
be serving his country to equal advantage If,
instead of discussing the National tendency to
biliousness, he would write few chapters on
the desirability of some kind OF National
policy that will not be the means of depriving
a vast number of the American people of op-
portunities TO get the "wherewithar' to pro-
cure the edibles that make those 'greens''
necessary. But. of course, this would be run
ming the thing into politics. And, by the way,
there are fewer greens" in politics than there
were four years ago.
Now comes the 'sideal mistress" She is de-
scribed as one who let's the housemaid run the |
house. Here, at last, is the solution of prob |
lem that has long vexed society. When ideal |
mistresses are common, the position of house |
maid will be an enviable one. When the SER
yant-girl can entertain her beau in the parlor |
while the mistress is arbitrarily relegated to a
back room, there will be no trouble IN secur- |
ing domestic help. The supply will far exceed |