Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-13

II won't do to git EN- mixed up. Fur
dis reason l hev drawed off and had
printed de rules applyin' to each. De
rules to govern when out ON de bike am
as follows:
"Sit erect; wild eyes to the front an a
determined loak on de face.
Don't attempt to pass between de
HOSES and de dash-bo'd of treet-kyar.
"Pay no attention to brick-bats, ash
cans, cabbage-heads an fence rails
thrown arter 20 by de envlouS an
Jealous minded populashun.
avoid runnin ober pedestrians II
yo' kin but when yo' can't avoid 1t
pick out fat man an pull de throttle
wide open. A fat pusson allus acts as
a cushion fur de rebound.
Ode gIneral rule am to keep to de
right, but II dar am house in dc way
don't be obstinate.
when two bikests am about to meet
heaed-on dar am two rules to apply.
Yo' kin either jump off an go into de
highest saloon an take a mint julip
frew a straw or keep right on an
knock de odder Teller fo'teen feet high
an smash him all to squash.
IF yo' meet a COW when ridin' in
dc kentry yo kin turn to de right or
de left or go right ober her, jest as yo
please. II it happens to be de cows
brudder stead Of de COW herself de
rule am to dismount an climb tree
an wait for him to git tired.
when yo' look ahead up hill an
see q farmer an his two sons waiting
fur 20 armed with scythes, co'ncutters
an sled stakes de rule don't say 'zacEy
what yo should do. Dis gives yo'
show to turn off into de woods an lock
for chestnuts.
zone quick, sharp ring OBJ do bell
means danger to beer wagon II 1t
don't git outer yo' way.
1.-TWO rings am summons fur de
street-kyar to shet off steaem an cum
to a sudden stop ar let yO' pass in front
Of it.
"Three rings means dat de Teller
crossin de street wild his hat on his
ear an his feet steppin' high am right
in line wild yo'r wheel an If he don't
git up an hump hisself he will be in
vited to a surprise patty.
"a continuance ding! ding! ding! OF
de bell, accompanied by a wavin' of de
left hand in de air, signifies dat yo' has
got tired OF rldin' in de street an am
gwine to take to de sidewalk an dat
1t will be Jest as we'll fur de enthoosi-
astic populashun to hunt fur doah-
ways"
The president announced that he
hoped to soon perfect the following i'm
provements to the bicycle:
An attachment that will lift a mans
cap off his head when he meets a fe-
male and replace 1t again after she has
4 passed on. 1t will make no distinction
between homely and good looking
: girls and there will be no color line
about 1t.
: An attachment to cast a moose ovel
e a dogs head and swing him In behinc
o the bike. When he has been dragged
t 100 rods and has made up his mint
d that the bike Is alive and dangerous
It the moose opens and he Is allowed tt
go on suspended sentence.
= An attachment to hold and operate
= suuirt-gun containing at least one gal
3, lon Of water. This is for offensiv
/ and defensive operations against tn
y small boy who wants to shove
n broomstick between the spokes to Sc
g how quick bike can stop.
y An attachment to be fastened to tn
o front wheel which will go ahead an
e look for tacl1s and pounded glass, pic
y I'D wallets and lost diamond pins an
I. sound the depths of all mud-holes no
l. over ten feet deep.
'r "Gem'len," said President Toots a
l. he laid box Of poker chips on the ia
BILE, "dar' am poker an poker. Dal
am poker wha' a flush beats a straigh
an poker whar' straight beats
ii flush an robs de wilder an de orphan
ID I has played poker whar' three jack
e. knocked out a full house and l ha
ic played poker whar' full house scooI
lie ed in a $40 pot ODER TO aces. We mus
v. hev sartin rules an stick to 'em, al
Is dem rules will be as follows:
10 de value of de hand will be aC
I'd high, one par, two pairs, flush, three
i straight, clubhouse, tours an roy'
rs flush.
r DE man who stands pat can blu
a. de man wild TO aces II he wants to, b.
H. II he gifts busted all to squash OATS h
in own lookout.
he "Dar will be no limit as to bets. D
q. Will enable a pore but respectful
ar young man who may hold royal fluS
m to rake in house an lot an bush
Of .iewelry at one swipe.
"All Queshuns in dispute to be lie
to a committee Of three an should ar
member of dat committee to be four
ID wild three kings up his sleeve or
M aces down his bootleg excuses wor
w. go an previous good character WOE
- count for shucks. Chicago News.
~
wv u.rd an Tho Men.