Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-08-13

WAASh iOlu III dS-
ton, no thought of my own, to which l
can look back with any pleasure. I must
write Of that wretched time, but will
make its record as short as possible.
Nevertheless, will be candid, and
show myself in as bad light as truth
compels. do not seek to excuse my
self by saying that many another in my
place would have acted as l acted. /
hope there are few in the world who
have passed through such grief and
shame as mine.
At first, without for the moment los
ing sight of the vengeance I meant to
take on the traitor, Eustace Grant,
set myself the task of forgetting the
false woman who had fled from my side.
l vowed would destroy the love bore
her and learn to look upon her with
scorn and contempt, as the basest of her
sex. If the thought of suing for di-
vorce entered my head banished 1t at
once. l cared not to resume my free
dom. So long as l was bound to one
woman, there was no chance Of my be-
ing cajoled and deceived by another, If
ever l could be fool enough to love and
trust another woman as 1 had loved
and trusted Viola.
Besides, l shrunk from the exposure;
1 shrunk from the thought Of being
made public laughing stock, as a man
Pob n1 1nf i'm, fO, inrdk ogk
her marriage. No; l would teach my
self to scorn, loathe, forget her-that
was all.
But how to forget? If 1 cursed her
by day, dreamed Of her by night. Then
she came to me, sweet and pure as I
thought her on the day when l made
her my wife. l saw her soft eyes, her
graceful form; 1 heard her fresh young
loving voice, and in my dreams was
happy, for could never dream evil Of
her. But again and again, when l
awoke, and remembered what she now
was, sobbed as few strong men permit
themselves to sob, and then only in the
dead of night, when none can hear or
see them.
would forget! I swore would for
get! So, in search of forgetfulness, 1
plunged into whirl of fierce dissipa-
ton. l became to all appearance the
most reckless Of a reckless set. 1
gambled for large sums. l lost or won
thousands at a sitting; yet only proved
to myself that l was as indifferent to
money as was to everything save the
loss of Viola. Curiously enough, l did
not ruin myself at the gambling-table:
On the whole, l won largely, and SO con-
stantly that my luck became by
word. My luck! I smiled bitterly as
men spoke of me as lucky Lorraine"
tried in every way to force the mem
DRY of Viola from my mind. For awhile
I blush to say SOL drank to excess;
perhaps hoped to kill myself. In these
and other unworthy ways l passed half
the year.
Then came the reaction-the loathing
of self-the disgust of the life I was
leading. l sickened at the sight OF my
boon companions. Everything was
WEAKNESS; nothing brought the flush of
excitement to nay cheek or carried me
for a moment away from my grief. Sud-
denly turned my back upon all my
pursuits. l went down to Herstal Abb
hey, which was now at my disposal,
and, with as supreme contempt Cor
mankind as ever my predecessor felt,
buried myself even as he hao done.
And people around said that eccen-
tricity ran in families, and that young
Mr.. Lorraine was following in his faith
er's steps.
But why during these months had I
not sought the excitement of revenging
myself upon the nan who had wronged