Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1896-01-21
vERAclTY AS A FINE ART.
THE KIND OF TRUTH MEN MAY TELL
WHEN COMPETING WITH OTHER MEN.

we used To own when was about coming
of age. | was working on my fathers
farm for INV board and clothes, and part
of nv arduous duties was TO milk the
cows. They were pretty good mixers,
every one OF them, but there was one
| that was the 'milkin'est COW you ever see,
as one of our hired hands put 1t. she
was so little that the hired man could
pick her up and pack her into the mixing
she'd. and she gave so much milk that "
took two men 10 carry II TO the spring
house"
II required about minute for the fine
points of this narration 10 work their
way into the perception OF the listeners,
aud then long-legged kentucsian gave
gulp as IL he were swallowing the yarn
| bodily.
"Huh," he said with an air OF supe-
riority, "that's nothing TO COW we used
10 own when | was = 10y down In the
Pennyrlle neighborhood,
where's the Pennyrile:" asked a Tor
eigner.
.'oG to the west and south Of the Blue
Grass"
And where's the Blue Grass" asked
the same man.
You'd better go to school awhile. re-
piled the kentuckian cOntemptuously
''But "a Was saying, my daddy h a
COW that used 10 come up at night as reg
ular as clock work. but one night she
failed to show up and niger boy and |
went out 10 drive her up. There was a
| sink hole"
What's a sink hole:' asked the Star
man.
ats q fuunel-shaped hole, that looks
as II Il might be the crater of an extinct
volcano, varying In depth from ten feet
! To boitomless, and from fifty to hun
/ dred feet or more across the top. As |
was saving: There was 8 siak hole
about half mile fromthe house, and as
we " eut by II, We heard the cow bawl. and
going over that way we found her In the
\ hole and unable To get out. reckon
} she WAS twenty-five feet or so below the
/ level and the sides were too steep for her
to climb out We figured awhile on the
best way to get her out, aud at last the
Niger boy said he knew how 10 do H.,
and right away slid down into the hole
with the cow aud began to milk her. He
told me 10 wait ut the top for him aud !
did Il. and In mighty little while. I'll
| Dc dogged. IL that niger hadn't mike !
enough into that sink hole so that both
/ him aud the COW could swim out"
The Nirginian looked ut the kentuck-
ian as II he wanted TO hit him, but New
4 York man began TO talk and the battle
was postponed.
speaking of guntlints," lac said, - re-
] 4 L,s1l u
man to-day looking for patent, who was
/ Ia the inveDting business fifteen years
ago, when lived up the Hudson. He had
/ invented q machine for taking bones out
of .had that was the very beat thing Of
/ its kind ever tried. An YOU had 20 do with
/ IL was 10 screw il on the side OF the table,
drop In YOUR cooked shad, turn the crank
I and the machine fred all the meat into
your mouth and all the bones under the
able. All the inventor needed was 20 find
man with money TO help him bring out
the machine and put It on the market, but
moueyed men were scarce and IL Was a
+. long time tin Que was found. but be was
/ found at last, aud then the Inventor was
happy. lie showed the capitalist how II
worked, aud the capitalist was 80 well
/ pisaEtN itlsiA Nv Abuh IL lblil1 " Atii hiih W
I show II TO his wife. Next morning, just
after breakfast, the inventor got the ma
chine back again and with IL a note that
crushed his hopes forever. The capitalist
not only didn't want any thing 10 do with
the confouudel machine but hoped the
inventor would go 10 place whore there
wasn't enough water In a million years 10
float a minuow. IL was long time be-
fore the inventor could find out what the
matter WAS, bur lac did AZ last, and then
he learned thst the capitalist in attempt
ing TO show his wife how the machine
worked turned the crank the wrong way
and flied himself 80 full of bones that lac
couldn't get his shirt of FOX six weeks.
There was something 80 pathetic In
this tale Of the disappointed Inventor that
IL was fully two minutes before the Ohio
man could say something 10 dispel the
gloom.
"All inventors don't have such bad luck
as that" he said with the confidence OF
the average Ohioan, ''and one ! used TO
know out there in the Western Reserve iu-
vented a machine that would have revo-
/ lutionizcd the sheep business, II he
hadn't been killed on his way 10 Wash
ington TO get out his patent"
DO YOU call that luck asked the
New York man.
This patent, continued the Buckeye,
ignoring the interruption, was the neat
est thing ever saw. IL looked Ike a
small threshiug machine, aud Ii utilized
all the products Of the sheep in the most
complete manner possible. The operator
simply tied the legs Of a sheep in bunch,
dropped the animal into a hopper, set the
machinery going and in three minutes he
would turn out four quarters Of mutton,
a peck Of chops, two dozen tallOw candles,
three wool hats aud leather apron,
An immediate aud vociferous call for
afiidavits followed the Ohio mans
narration, and during the excitement
the Star man escaped Washington
Star.