Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1896-10-02
Nasty ON SILVER.

NtI tOludBt p'ollt W III N'p N'Ai W hSSu
CONFEDERATE X ROADS
(Which is in the state Of Kentucky,
Jan. %, 1873.
amt so ccItin that want the sill
yer bill to pass ez l wuz. The fact is
the thing don't work ez 1 sposed i
wood, and l amt clear on to it. There
Is suttle principles in these finanshe
questions witch requires a good deel Nv
thought, and there is underlyin prin
ciples witch a man hez got to understand
afore he is competent to set hisself NJ
ez authority.
One thing l am certin nv, Bascom
amt 10 finanseer, nor never will be-
and told him so.
"Wat is a finanseeri" asked he.
"a fnansecr, sed l. assoomin the
look Of Dan1 Webster els a man witch
kin pay his debts with nothin, man
witch kin git suthin with nothin. -
"The Corners, then, is full Of finan-
seers, he remarkt bitterly, castin a
casual glance at the slate WITCH was jist
full enuff to turn over and begin on the
t'Other side.
But he hezn't any Nv the science nv
it. | wuz argooin with him the t'other
day in favor Nv my noshun Nv a leather
currency, though l lold him silver wuz
much the same thing, and, for example,
| wood assoom that silver wuz to be the
currency Nv the fucher.
"Now. don't 700 see, Bascom, that ct
he'd twict as much money Good drink
twict as much whisky and pay fur it;'
"How much is twict nuthin?' was
the unfeelin anser Nv the tyrant who
holds the destinies nv the Corners in
his hands. That's wat your capitle S
bin ever since knowd 700. "
"Parson, " sed he, Il don't see wat
earthly diff renee it's goin to make
wether silver is currency or anything
else How are 700 a-goin to git silver
ef it is made legal tender: IF silver
WIZ ez bricks, wat hev 700 got to git
any NV it with"
"Troo, G. w." wuz my answer,
"but can't 700 see that to hev silver
wood relieve the dcttor class: Even
now, afore it is legal tender, it's only
with 90 cents on the dollar, and, when
the country is flooded with it, 1t will
20 still lower. Then we, or rather SIGH
NV US 81 hev property to raise money on,
kin pay off,
"Eggsackly SO, "retorts Bascom, "yoo
kin pay me for the good honist hkker
NV mine witch 700 bey consoomed in
coin witch is less than the dollar yoo
promised. All rite. But look mere
come in here all nv 700. Iwantyoo sill
yer men TO know eggsackly wat 700 are
rushin into.
And this feend led US into the back
room-that back room witch contanes
the subsistence NV the Corners. There,
in long rows, wuz Bascom's stock.
There in barrels, piled one on top NV
another, wuz the delishus whisky nv
Louisville, NV different ages, rangin
from that NV two weeks old to that
witch had jist left the still and wuz
scarcely cold yit. There it lay, and ez
my eyes ranged affeckshunately over 1t
l felt ef | Good hev the drinkin NV all
that likker l wood be content 10 lay
down and die when the last drop wuz
gone
BascOm pinted to an immense tank
witch he had erected within a few
days, with pipe runnin in from the
roof.
81 shan t raise the price nv hkker in
consc kence NV bein paid for it in de-
preshiated currency sed he.
fell On Bascoms neck in an extacy
NV delite, while the others SHOUTED,
"Rah for Bascomm
&c. W., remarkt, while teers SUI
foosed my eyes, Il never placed 700
much below the angels, but this gener-
Gus act hez histed 700 100 per cent in
my estimashun. Bless 700, G. W., bless
yooW
but I'll tell 700 what l shall do
Do 700 see that tank?" sed he.
MAY ask wat that is for?" | sed.
"That tank will fill with rane wa
ter, >" sed he 1.-The moment 700 git to
payin me in silver 1 shell take out ov
eech ov them barrils jist eggsackly 3 10
gallons NV likker and fill it with wa
ter.
"Merciful hevingsl" we all exclaim-
ed, "and yoor likker so weak now"
"And when silver gets down to 75
cents on the dollar l shell take out 20
per cent NV whisky and fill her up
with % per cent NV water And so on
down. IF silver goes up, | shell add
whisky eggsackly in proporshun. In
short, my whisky is jist a-goin to foller
currency, and nothin shorter. Yoo fell
lers witch work for wagis may SWEET, but
l won't"
"But yoo'l increase the size of yoor
glasses?" said l.
"Not any. But 700 may drink twice
ez many times to git the same amount
NV drunk ez before, by paying for eech
drink.
And Bascom stalked hawtily back
and took his posishen behind his bar.
There wuz consternashun in the Cor
ners SIGH ez l hev never seen. There
wuz a hurried consultashun at the dee
kins house, aud l sejested that we
ourselves from the domin-
yum nv this tyrant by startin grosery
NV our own, on the joint stock princi-
pie, witch wuz agreed to, eech man
agreein to contribbet $40 TO the capitle
stock, witch would be enuff to buy
barrl ur too fur beginnin.
We wuz enthusiastic till we cum to
ballotin fur the man to keep the place,
wen il wuz found, instead NV my bein
chosen yoonanimously, ca l eggspected
10 be, that eyry man he'd voted fur his.
self. Ez not a sole Nv them wood re-
ceed, the skeem wuz blocked rite there
and FINELY he'd to be abandoned, and we
went back 10 Bascom's and submitted.
That tyrant hez us.
PETROLEUM V. NAsBY,
Finanseer.