Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-04-23

But failed to find barber who
Didn't lather mp my mouth.
Truth.
She-"Why, Charles, how can you
call Miss James plain? l wish I was
only half as good-looking." He--"You
are, Hatty, and you know it'd
Bits
Defeated Cand. date-"Bah! Swapping
his fngers) that for public Officer Sue
ccssful Candidate-"Ye it is snap,
I'll admit. II Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
ALAS! father, have lost my neart,"
walled the heroine. The villain scowl-
ed Careless girlv' he exclaimed be-
tween his clinched teeth.--Phjladelph
Record.
He-'Nicc dog! Have you taught
him any new tricks since I was here
last?" She (sweetly)-"Oh yes; he win
fetch your hat if you whistler
ton Globe.
De Vcre-sT have a compliment for
you to-day" Miss Antique" Indeed!
What was it?' De Vere-"Young Chap
man says you carry your years well."-
New York Town Topics.
VcXed Mother-"James how many
more times must I tell you to stop max
ing that noise?' James-"Pll leave
that to your own judgment, MAJ
Philadelphia North American.
How daintily across the street
woman trips with grace complete,
While man, inferior in all,
Can never trip without fall
Washington Times.
Railroad official-"You may not be-
'lieve it, but this dining-car cost $780,
OOo." Plaintree-"How long has it
been runningY Railroad official-"Just
week. Planetree--"Paid for itself
yetY-Life
He (admiring Il vase Of flowers)--
"Are they not beautiful? Do you know
they remind me of you" She (softly)--
"But.they are artificial" He-"Ah, yes;
but you'd never know washington
Town Talk.
The signs Of spring are everywhere in
sight; +.
The bensive goat now chews the old tin
can;
=. The: Roet and the hockey okey man.
.-1.P.!hiladelpblia Record.
:He is very gifted" said Miss Gush-
ington. why, he can sit down and
write poetry by the yard EYES," re-
piled the envious rival. 'The only diff
Guilty is that the public reads it by
the inch: Wv ashington Star
"I'ns sorry. maam," said the early
spring tramp, "but my indisposition
won't permit me to saw that wood"
.'"What is the na ture of your indispo-
sitlopY. y, ITS an indisposition to saw
wood. :ma'am." '.--Harper's Bazaar.
An Artistic Achievement. = '.Mr.
Crayons is very successful in his draw
ing,": remarked the young woman.
Eyes. replied the discourteous rival,
II understand he disposed of several
pictures at rattle. "-Washington Star.
"Eo. my mind" remarked Squildig.
.s'Nansens. greatest difficulty is not
: finding the north pole" What is Nam
sens greatest difficulty?' asked Ac-
Swilligen. Finding his way back
home. "--RittSburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
He freely talked Of dynamite,
This 'fnarchfstic churl
He'd send the kings and plutocrats
AL skyward in a whirl-
But he always let his wife blow up
The. tyrant hired girl!
Indianapolis Journal
1.-The boy. had smashed his fathers
shaving mug. when his mother dis
40 c1.o
claimed what will your papa say
when he comes home and sees what
Nou have done % ''Well, mamma.
don't think I'd like to repeat it before
you.n-eP earson's Weekly.
x Mrs. Johnson-Hateful, stuck-un
ffing!: How proud she was of that
new dress of hers. She would. hard
il look. at me. But got even with
her. Mrs Jackson-How did you do
It? Mrs. Johnson-Oh, told my serv-
ant girl where she could get dress
like it.-Somerville Journal
Said a bicycle boy, Now, then, +
7 wi!l'ride like the racing menu
!. But he got into trouble,
- For he bent himself double,
And couldn't bend back again.
Buffalo Express.
Mr.. .Umbell-Even the worm win
turn. His wife (scornfully)-You are
scarcely. d worm. Mr.. Umbell (reminis-
cently)-Possibly not now, my dear.
but ] can remember away back Won.
der hearing folks say something about
an early bird when you got me.--Ncw
York Sun.