The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1896-08-21
VOL. XLI---NO. 81.
VARIETIES,


An honest man is the noblest pur-
suit of woman.
Passing around the hat is one way
of getting the cents of the meeting.
Never quarrel with a friend un-
less there is so much cause that YOU
can never make il up.
1t takes only five minutes to
change wet boots and stockings, but
it may take ten months to get over Il
cold caught by not changing them.
Mrs. Newife-I acknowledge that
| have my faults and am sometimes
cross, Jack, dear, but if had the last
two years to live over again should
marry you just the same. Mr.. Neville
i doubt it.
"A woman must be admired in
some way by some one if she is to lead
a contented life. The love of admira-
ton has certainly its good as we'll us
its bad side, and is seldom mere ordina-
ry, vulgar vanity.
Little Susie-Well, Jennie, YOU
are an aunt now. You ought to be
proud of it. Little Jennie-No, |
oughtn't to. | amt no aunt. Susie
Why not? Jennie-'Cause I'm an
uncle. The new baby,s boy.
oh, Henry" exclaimed Mrs.
Iounghusband, breathlessly, Il have
something terrible TO tell you. Baby
has swallowed your shaving brush.''
oh, that's all right" responded
the brute. at was worn out, and |
was going to get new one, anyhow"
Mamma and baby returned from
a walk. oh" says mamma to her
husband, such good news! Baby
talks. He has Just said his first wordn'
Really" Yes. Just fancy. We
were in the geological gardens, stand
ing before the monkey cage, when
baby cried out; Look at papa "
Professor, said the fair leader of
the reform delegation to the reticent
neighborhood philosopher who was
supposed to know everything, we're
trying to make this world better, and
have taken the liberty of seeking your
advice. What is the surest way to
prevent divorces in this country?'
Don't get married" And the dele
gates filed out.
He treated you with disdain, | I'M
derstand?" said the friendly counsel to
witness of Celtic origin who was
somewhat dense. "Sorra drap, yer
amer. woldn't av TUX it fran him if
he had.n Il mean he didn't treat you
oourteously; ne thought you rather
beneath him?', There was no
thraitin' at all, at all, yer amer; be-
soides, he was entoirely the other way
about an it's not a lie I'm tellin' ye.-
he come up to Inc an he seq: Barney
o. Hallaghan, ye're low, name, dirty
blaggard. an a murdherin' Oirish
thafe av the wurruld, an | hope veil
no n ha Ia har
gives him wan on the OF wild my fist,
and he gives me kick wild his fut.
We thin gets into grips and falls on
the sthrate, but | was the wan an
tap, yer amer, an he was the wan
benaith me-"
COULDN'T BE BUNCOED.
The man with the old green carpet
bag in his hand stood on the corner
looking up and down the street as if
undecided which way to go. The we'll
dressed stranger regarded him intent
ly for few minutes and then APP
preached him.
How are you Mr.. Smith?n he said,
extending his hand.
The man with the green carpetbag
refused the prolfered hand and turned
away with the curt reply:
MY name amt Smfth-it's Brown
"Oh, beg your pardon" responded
the well-dressed stranger, courteously.
Il must have made mistake,
II reckon you did," returned the
man with green carpetbag.
At the next corner another we'll
dressed stranger approached with a
beaming face and extended hand.
"HulIo, Brown he exclaimed,
heartily. You're the last man l eS-
pected to see here"
The man with the green carpetbag
turned away again.
My name amt Brown; it's Smith,,
he said.
Your name isn't Brown" exclaim-
ed the stranger, in surprise.
mo, it amt. It's Smith, tell you.
| guess man knows his own name,
don't he.''
''Of course, of course"
The second well-dressed stranger
SHE'D off and few minutes later the
first apr jared on the scene again.
NY dear Mr.. Smith" he exclaim-
ed, effuslvely, why did you try to
deny your identity to me? You
ought to know that you can't fool
an old friend.'
Il told you once that my name amt
Smith: it's brown" retorted the man
with the green carpetbag.
THE ORIGIN OF PRINTING.
1t is, and most probably will con-
tinue, a question whether printing