The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1896-12-03
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Girl-weren't you surprised when h
proposed? Another Girl-No. WhJ
should l he? First Girl-Everybod,
else was.-Illustrated News.
Wabash--There, look ct thatl ISM
1t a skyscraper? Gothem Qifting the
brim of his hat to a building OF twenty
stories)-Yes: and should say the Sky
needed it.-Washington Capital.
Bank President understand that
you are not only a good bookkeeper
but prominent member of the church
Applicant-Yes, sir. But | hope that
won't count against me.-Larks.
Come quick" said the girl in the
crimson bathing suit. Il see a sea
serpent" But nobody needed her,
She was the very girl who, upon the
previous day, claimed she saw man.
Detroit Tribune.
Mrs. Parvie-New (who has just re-
turned from Paris, to her daughter.
who has stayed at home)-Good gra.
cious Emma We must do something
at once for yosr figure; it's getting as
bad as the Venus at Milo's!-Pick-M Me-
Up.
Bill-what the darnation is the sense
OF that rule Of ettyket wot says that
gent should always leave the drorin
room backward? Bob-Why, it's SOS
the people he has been visitin' can't
get chance to kick him.-Illustrated
Bits.
Judge Ito prospective juryman)-
Have you any preconceived ideas, sir,
in regard to this case? Prospective
Juryman-I think Judge-Stop'
sir; stop right there! You are disqual-
ified for the duties OF a juryman.-
Larks.
The Bible text given little Willie
Now, Moses was an austere man, and
made atonement for the sins of his
people. Little Willie's recitation
Now, Moses was an oyster man, and
made ointment for the shins OF his
people.-Larks.
"Just got a letter from Mildred.
She's enjoying the country so much.
She says: Every day at sunrise a
neighboring rooster rouses us with his
early morning lay" Early morning
lay? What's the matter with the hens
ON a trike?"-Cleveland Plaindealer.
Flannigan--I met a man in the
Strand last week, and begad, I'd have
sworn it was yourself. O'Toole-Anc
wasn't it? Flannigan-Divil bit
But he was just your very image, bar
rim he was a trifle gray. / suppose,
now, ye haven't got such a thing as
twin brother a few years older than
yourself?-Pick-Me-U
Il thought heard you boasting sew
eral months ago of the excellence OF
g. 1,nt' .ffrhN
did" "Why, this is the worst pave
ment l ever encountered" We'll,
boGsted of it before it was relaid."
Has this pavement been relaid?"
Yes, by the street railway company"
Cleveland Plaindealer.
Mr.. Billus had broken three or four
matches in trying to light his cigar,
and made a hasty exclamation. What
did you say, John?" inquired Mrs. Bill
lu5. Il said Diamond Match" re-
piled John. Il thought you were
swearing" rejoined the lady, cycling
him with suspicion not wholly sill
cnced.-Chicago Tribune.
Old Mrs. M, who was seriously
ILL., found herself to be in trying posi-.
ton, which she defined TO a friend III
these words: You see, my daughter
Harriet is married to one o these
homeypath doctors and my daughter
Kate to an allypath. If | call in the
homeypath my allypath son-in-law an
his wife git mad, an if l call in my
allypath son-in-law my homeypath
son-in-law an his wife git mad an il
/ go ahead an git well without either
o 'em, then they'll both be mad, so ]
don't see but I'd better die outright"
Detroit Free Press.