Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1896-03-19
What's in a Name.

thol pAiLNs anu SClllhS puE-
lished broadcast throughout the length
and breath OF the land 1t is. of
course, a fine thing to wake up one
morning and find oneself famous, but
even this apparently has its draw
backs. l did not mind the crafty ap-
peals for help, the willy prospectuses
of fortunes to be made by taking
shares in this or that bogus company,
or even the well-laid schemes of
horse-racing pools that came in by
every post; but when it came to down
right misrepresentation, | thought the
limit had been quite overstepped.
1t was about a fortnight after the
day on which my humble patronymic
was blazoned forth to the world as the
winner of a much-coveted prize that l
received the following remarkable
communication:
AT last | have found you, villain,
Your hiding place is no longer a Sc
cret for I have read in a public print
your hateful name and address.
Scoundrel! Those whom you are
bound by every earthly tie to cherish
and support, have been cruelty left to
the tender mercies of the parish, while
you, doubtless, have lived a life Of
out, and day Of retribution is at
hand! [, your lawful wife and my six
children-your children-will make it
our business to call on you and de-
mand the rights a husband and a
father has so long withheld! Beware!
You have extended to us no mercy
we will show none to you, Your low
ing wife, Susan
To say that I was knocked back by
this strange epistle is only to express
half a truth 1t fairly took the wind
out of my sails. My wife and children
six of them! This was surely COM
ing it strong toward a young fellow
who only a few weeks previously had
celebrated his 23d birthday. [ did not
even possess that indispensable desid-
eratum to a family mana wife.
True, I was soon going to have one,
for-and this is little secret between
ourselves-the banns of marriage be-
tween the accomplished Clementina
Wilks and myself had been called for
the third time only on the previous
Sunday, and a week hence was to see
us united forever in the bonds of mat
rimony. This by the way.
Of course | knew there must be
some terrible mistake in the document
I held in my hands, but that knowl-
edge did not make the perusal of it
any the more agreeable. | could
plainly see that it might easily lead to
some little awkwardness at the time
when [ least wanted any. However |
was determined not to let the thing
unduiy worry me, so, swallowing the
matutinal tea and toast, l shortly
afterward lit a cigarette and set out
for the performance of my daily
duties, finally consoling myself by
coming to the conclusion that the at
fair was probably a stupid joke OH
the part of some freakish friend, and
should hear no more of it.
At a little later than my usual hour
in the afternoon | returned to my
lodgings and then saW-a fact to
which [ was not previously aware
that | had stupidity left this very re-
markable communication behind me
on leaving home in the morning, for
it lay on a sideboard opened for any
one to read. | guessed, of course that
the landlady had, by virtue of a land
lady's inalienable rights, made herself
Nv III
tents, but did not challenge her on
the point. | was more concerned 10
know if any one else had done so, too,
and with that view inquired if there
had been any visitors during the day
only Miss Wilks,'' was the land
lady's reply, with sort of bottled up
smile. She came about an hour ago,
thinking you would be home, and
after staying a few minutes suddenly
left
Suddenly left! Had she read the
stupid thing? Doubtless. Although
knew Clement1na to be a not more
than ordinarily inquisitive girl, the
near approach of our marriage seemed
q
herself acquainted with anything that
concerned my welfare, and what more
natural than that she should feel a
real interest in the correspondence of
a man who, a week hence, would be
her husband? Oh, yes, [ felt sure she
had read it; but then she was sensi-
bic girl and would surely see the
thing in it's right light; of course she
would. But would much rather have
told her about it myself than that she
should acquire the knowledge of it by
her own means. How annoying it all
was, to be sure.
1t was some time later when
sailed forth to the home, of my be-
loved for the usual evening visit. How
pretty the little villa looked wherein
she dwelt, with it's sloping grass lawn
and beds of brilliant geraniums! How
proudly the tulips reared their heads
above the blue-fOwered iris that
skirted the garden wall; how fragrant
the honeysuckle that climbed around
the artfully designed entrance, and
what wealth of floral beauty was
displayed in the miniature conserva-
tory that encircled the drawing room
window But how much more lovely
than all was Clementina herself as
she stood awaiting me inside the room
of hind 6inc