Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-09-17


Men spend their time and skill,
But nothing made will ever so
Asquick as money will.
-Ncc;s;e York Herald.
Pat-Shure the air itself is hot enough,
let alone stirrin' It up wild thin dunn
med .oilectric fans.-Life.
Mary-Oh. just live In Reggie
heart. Alice-How do you like living In
a fiat?-washington Times.
Bubbles-My wife and I met by acci-
dent. Thrown together by chance. as
1t were. Wheelwoman (eagerly)-Did
you break the cycles?-Buffalo Times.
"why, Mr.. Portly. you are all done
up. What's the matter? Bicycle"
"But you don't ride wheel" mo.
but the other fellow does "-Flicgende
Blaetter.
II knew a fellow that could tame a
tiger with a glance of his eye." what
became of himY' Hes dead. He
tried 1t on bicycle scorcher." -Chicago
Record. g
She-Won't You protect me, sir? This
shameless fellow has been following
me for the past fifteen iminutes.s He
o, yes, IL you prefer me.-Humoristiche
Blaetter.
Lucy-Clara's honeymoon was COM
pletely spoiled. Alice-How?s Lucy
The papers containing the account of
the wedding did not reach her.-Brook-
Ign Life.
Dreadful how the bicycle Is running
oats out OF the market. isn't it? "Yes,
1t is; but the crop Of wild oats seems
to be coming along about as usual
Chicago News.
Teacher-By transparent" we mean
something through Which we can see.
Who can give an illustra ton of trans
parent object? Pupil-A ladder.-Flie-
gende Blaetter. S4 .ib gltd,ir
'Ez long as dey's got plenty er caAfH
paign buttons" said Uncle Ebep, "some
men doan' seem ter care whedder dey
hab any s'pender buttons CIR not
Washington Star.
Mamma, the rector asst me why you
didn't come to church?" "What did you
tell him, Bobby?" II said you was
a-keeping all your good clothes clean
ter go to tn seashore." Chicago Rec
ord
THE president of our health club has
been taken away to a sanitarium."
"What allied her?" ''The doctors think
she broke down her constitution keep
ing flies out of her house, Chicago
Record.
II thought Wibble was such a good
rider, and here he goes and smashes
his wheel against brewery wagon"
''That wasn't awkwardness. 1t was
case of on."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Sportsman want something con-
venient to carry bait in. Clerk-Yes,
sir. Here's a very handsome article
silver can, holds pint. Or would you
prefer one In a wicker case?-Buffalo
Express.
Il think It's a shame, Cyrus, that
we've let Esmeralda grow up without
trying to give her some kind of musical
training. She can't sing at all. That's
true, Emily-but she knows it'-Chi-
cago Tribune.
THAT Charley Spindles is horrid
saved me from mad bull" How was
thatw II saw Charlie coming. and
went through another field."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
"Were you ever bothered by horse
thieves out here" inquired the tourist.
"Well, yes" said the native of Okla
| homa, there used to be a good many
hanging around, but haven't seen ono
for year."-Truth.
do you call that fresh pork?" said
the chronically grumpy man. "Why.
| it's an insult to every hog In the land"
Il beg your pardon" said the waiter
| politely, Il did not mean to insult you"
-Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Mrs. Weary (reading)-The body Of
book agent was found on Blank streer
this morning. He had evidently been
murdered. Mr.. Weary (meditativelD
| -Um-er-really. now, think that was
going most too far.-New York Week
ly.
Mrs. Walker-I don't see why the doc
tors all recommend bicycle riding. II
it makes people healthier, 1t is loss to
the doctors. Mr.. Walker-I know; but
they figure that one sound, healthy
rider will disable at least five pedestri-
ans per week.-Puck. ys.,
Impecunlous editor-I say, Porticus.
lend me ten dollars, will you? Porticus
Sorry. old man, 1 haven't got 1t.
Here's twenty-fve-dollar sonnet.
though. If you'll take 1t to the cashier
and have 1t changed, I'll be happy to
accommodate you.-Bazar. ~
THAT, sir" said the phrenologist,
placing the tips of his long. bony a, n
gers on hump on Bllggins' head, .'is
your bump of locomotion." Right you
are" replied Bliggins: II cot ,that La st
night while trying to learn stg fsde a
bicycle. buffalo Express. @sA
n What do you suppose caused the
4 hntlves to think that Little .Billy4lf1d a
wife up In the ciyT s''Oh, from his
happy, careless manner, they naturally
judged that he was freed for the time
being from some weight on his mind. ~
philadelphia North American.