The Monitor-register. [volume] (Woodstown, Salem Co., N.J.) 1892-1972, 1896-10-30
A LITTLE FUN.

-AHdntic Monthly.
A LITTLE FUN.
"P,pa. why do they call language the
m" trr tongue"
B cause the father so seldom gets
chance to use Chicago Record.
So
Magistrate-Were you ever up before
me?
Prisoner-Sure l don't know, your |
wurship. What time does your wurship
get upp-TW Bits.
~.
Clerk can let you have single baby
carriage for $50; but if you want one to
hold twins it will come to $25.
Customer-Lst me look at one for $50.
Puck.
Clara-What shall sing for you, Jackp
Jack-Have you.a song with a refrain?
Clara-Yes.
Jaok-Well, then, please refrain
Comic Cuts.
*"x
Wheeler-That Miss Bloomer we met
at the seashors has Tilted fifteen men this
SUMMER
Sproeket-Well. say! she's as bad as
bike for throwing men overl-Yonksrs
Statesman.
~
$50 you and my daughter have con-
cluded to get engaged have you?" said
the happy parent as he shock his prospeo-
tive son. in law by the hand.
YES" said the airy young politician;
''me aud Name have concluded to fuse"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
~
Riohard-"They say that kissing is
dangerous. Do you believe it?"
Robert-"It is when the third person
happens to see you. 1t is more than
likely if that woman over there had not
been witness to transaction of that kind
should not have been her son-in-law."-
Boston Transcript.
~.
"May I kiss you, Miss Sane?"
81 am sorry to see, Mr.. Briggs, that
you, too, are affected by the prevailing
cause of business depression.
"And that is2"
slack of confidence"
Then he kissed her Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"Did you notice that popularity about
George Winterset's eyes9"
"No; what is it?"
'One of them is black, and the other
blue"
"Black and blue?'
"Yes, he got mixed up in the cane
rush. CIeeeldnd Plain Dealer.
~
Mother-You say your husband no
longer spends his evenings at the club?
Daughter-I soon brcks him of that.
Show did you manager"
| Before going to bed l put two easy
chairs together by the parlorfire, and then
held match to cigar until the room got
q faint odor of smoke. "-Eschange.
"Muggins-'Is your son in business?'
"Buggins-'He's contractor
"Muggins-'What lineP
"Buggins-'Debts.'
x#x
Teacher-"Tell me few of the most
important things existing to-day which
did not exist hundred years ago."
Tommy-''Us." -Paris Messenger.
~
A dull and sickening thud was heard.
1t awakened erybody in the house. The
news-boy had tossed Sunday paper onto
the porch.-Finoeton Tiger.
nv
"Flossie was watching the masons lay
brick, and the process interested her
greatly. %, mammal she exclaimed, as
she saw the man putting on the mortar.
they're buttering the bricks, amt theyp"
49,
Teacher-"As the twig is bent the tree
is inclined. Do you quite understand
what that means?"
Scholar-"Yes. sir. When hicyclists
grow up they'll walk STOPPING. "-London
Globe.
~.
at seems to me-" shouted Uucle Allen
Sparks to the fleeing bloomer girl, whose
bicycle had givea him severe jolt at .
crossing, you might stop second, or at
least look around to see whether you've
knocked anybody down or not; that
would be the geDtlemanly thing to DEP
Chicago Tribune.
***
"a bishop of Northern diocese wrote
to publisher in New York for a book
called New and Contrite Hearts, 10 a
short time be received postal from the
publisher, saying, I'VE have no NEW and
Contrite Hearts," neither are there any
to be found in New York. The Northern
prelate, it is said. enjoyed sending the
postal to the Bishop of New York, calling
attention to the state of his diocese"
x*#
+ Now that l have your consent, my
charming Bessie, allow me to ask one
question. Are you superstitiousa"
"Superstitiousa Why do you want to
know, Frsnk?'
II cannot tell you before you have
answered my question:"
swell, then, am not superstitious in
the least"
He (overjoyed)-"Then l may tell you
with an easy conscience that you are my
thirteenth sweetheart" -Meue FEiegsaas
Blatter.
~
They claim to have an orang-outang out
In San Francisco that wears clothes and
rides bicycle, but the only interesting
point in the story is omitted, 1t doesn't
tell what wheel he rides Cleoeland Plain |
Dealer.
II Troubled with Rheumatism Read |
This.
ANNAPOLIS. Md, Apr. 16. 1894.-I have
used Chamherlain's Pain Balm for /