Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-07-01
"PEACE, PERFECT PEACE"

Home Without a Mother?
"PEACE, PERFECT PEACE
Tom-"Where shall you stop-at the
Baldorf?" Harry-'I hope SO. I'm
afraid, however. that Parker will hear
| I'm in town, and insist upon my putting
| up with him" Tom-'Don't you like
| Parker?" Harry-''Yes, very much; but
he has three daughters, and 1 don't know
| if | can afford it.'-BaZar.
Maid-''Madame, beg to inform you
that [ have gained the first prize in the
| lottery.
Mistress-''That means, [ suppose,
| that we must part!
Maid-"Certainly; unless you are dis
| posed TO enter my seryice!'-Schwarz-
| walder Kreiszeitung.
THE SCORCHER.
| The scorcher scOrched-
| The scorcher scorched with all his might.
His head Ger the handle bars was bent;
| The brewery wagon hove in sight
| Go ask the winds where the scOrcher went.
Cleveland Press.
Rugby-"Our landlady is one of the
most expert calculators in town"
Wilkins-'Is she?"
Rugby-'Yep. We had beans for dim
| nCr today and she asked me how many
l would have. cleveland Plaindealer.
He was old and feeble. but rich. and
his niece, who had been visiting him, was
] about to go away.
You will not forget me. will you. dear
| uncle? You will remember me, will you
not, dear uncle?'
In my solitude?"
No; in your will. Texas Sitter
Mr.. Figg-''Tommy, | hear YOU have
been telling lies. l never told lies when
| l was your age.
Tommy-"When did you begin, paw
Indianapolis Journal
MARY REFORMED.
| Mary had Il little calf
| And there are many rumOrS.
That when the boys gave her the laugh
! She stopped a-wearing boomers.
New Haven Register.
Poor Dick is gone 3 He was a de
| deed. He left a will stating that he
was to be cremated and used to help
| out on our new cinder path.
! COurier-J Journal.
Harper's Weekly asks: Does a
girl lose caste by riding wheelF' Not
necessarily, but she occasionally loses
her balance. and then there is always
more Or less trouble.-Cleveland Leader.
Mr.. Hardnutt-'I admit, sir. that my
! life has not been what it should be, but
truly and unselfishly love your daughter.
and if ever | give her a moments pain,
| hope III be made to suffer torture for
Old Gentleman (warmly)-"Oh. you
Will! You don't know her. '-Tid-B
Sue Brett-"How did you like Hor-
aces acting?'
Ella Cution-''I can't say that I liked
it. In that death scene I thought he
died very poor.
'Well, you know, most actors do die
| that way.'-Yonkers Statesman
Its very funny remarked old Mrs.
Homespun, "how the meanings of words
change. Now. when you and l were
| young, Jed, an orchard was lot of
| fruit trees. Yet, here is Mary Ellen
writin that her friends, the Van Eltons,
at their last party, had the parlor deco
rated with orchids. Pretty poor decora-
ton, | call it,
a recruit, wishing to evade service,
was brought uD for medical inspection,
and the doctor asked him:
Have you any defects? -
Yes, sir; [ am short-ssighted.
How can you prove it?''
Easily enough doctor Do you see
that nail W yonder in the WALTZ
Yes
''Well, [ t''-Tid-Bits
IT'S COMING RIGHT ALONG.
The Georgia watermelon is a-growin cool
and green.
| An the knife, it needs a-whettin' an the
| blade is gettin' keen
o the Georgia watermelon is a gem,
Melons cool an green
The best you ever seen!
/ See the juice a-drippin'
From them melons cool and green!
Atlanta Constitution.
Jim-''W are absolutely inconsst-
ent. even in important affairs
,Jim's Observation-Disclosures. That's a
mere masculine tradition.
Jim-"NO. it's not. Here's letter
from q girl explicitly and emphaticaily
declining to be mine, and signed Most
sincerely yours.
Poet Ito farmer)-NSee what beauti-
| full prospect is unfolded in yonder billowy
| fields. and hark. the voice of the plough
mani! Earmer-"Yes. he's been cussing
that mule since daylight, and It's one Of
them German mules that used to pull a
beer wagon, so he can't understand a
word O it.'-American Planter.
''Wot nonsense growed up people talk, .
Illuminated little Willie. PA told me
t'other day that knowledge is power 1t
may be SO Wen you're groWed up, but
il don't work with us fellers Wy only
the other day Ragsy. the bootblack. came
to our school for the first time in his
life, an he hadn't been there two hours
| I,ofI J,oy Il