davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas City daily journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1892-1897, 1896-05-15

There are many farms ot nervous debility
IN men that yield TO the use Of CartsT's
Iron pills. Those who are troubled with
snOMll LrN lhnm-
Kansas City daily journal. [volume] (Kansas City, Mo.) 1892-1897, 1896-05-15

The New England rlutuaI Life
Ins. Co.-famous tor giving the
full measure of worth for your
money. Rates low returns
sure, and absolute. dependable
protection all the time.
CHAs. u. MILL, Genl Agt..
New England Life Bldg.
The morning times., 1896-03-29

geant-at-arms and First Assistant Stewart
rush UP into the peanut reservation. They
return and report that the mtscreant has
escaped.
The Presldent-The Senate will be In
order.
Mr.. Chandler-As 1 was saying, Mr..
President, /
The Foreign Voice-I am something of a
taiker myself.
Nothing could exceed the eommotion in
the Senate when its courtesy was thus sat
upon and spat upon by this intruder. 1t
was the eagle eye of Senator Sherman
of "Our Foreign Relations" Committee
that discovered the intruder, which was
quietly looking askance at the President
out of its white-winged eye, beautiful
queen red and gold parrot direct from Bar
celona.
ut is a Spanish spy declared Mr..
Lodge.
1T should be shot at drum head as
sevcrated the fiery Tennessean.
Try it from the clock said Mr.. Mills.
with the Presidential gum added Mr..
Hill of New York.
Suggestions, however, do not kill birds
at long range, and the pages were on the
qui vive of excitement TO be let loose on
the most consistent talker at that moment
in the Senate. They We're eager for the
bird to fly down and light on the bald head
of some Senator, like the eagle that alighted
on the head of the husband of Tranquil.
But the spy did not move, keeping his
sinister eye on the Vice President, and
evidently getting ready TO sing his unwel-
come song again.
Mr.. Lodge-Eurcka, Mr.. Presidest: Per
scalam ad avem.
The President-Good; has the sergeant
alarms ladder about him?
The sergeant-at-arms at once procured
the ladder on which he climbed into office,
placed it up against the lintels of the east
door, and reached for the parrot, which
was seated on the Senatorial clock la
Poe's raven.
Did the sergeant-at-arms land the bird?
Not on your negative. The bird had q
string tied to him and beewas hauled aver
the parapet, and tie smaItboy at the other
end OF the string simply hauled in the fes-
tive Spaniard, opened a gallery door and
went down stairs and filled himself full of
apple pie.
This may not happen, but 1t ought to. A
son of one OF the survivors of the Ford's
Theater disaster would be the logical perpe-
traitor of this lecture by the parrot to the
Senate.
Too much sympathy cannot be wasted be-
tween now and Wednesday on thefeelings of
the Chief Magistrate with respect to his
mail and express packages on the day we
celebrate. There have ALREADY been con-
ferences between him ind Fidus Achates
Henricus Tiberius on the best manner in
The morning times., 1896-03-29

Il ~ 4.CE upon a time'-in truth,
quite reccntly-there were
some fish that were said to be
OF grcatdepth, both as To their
~ bailwick and int lligcnce.
One would guess from this
description that they were saw-fish, that
is, wise-saw fish, but they We're not. They
were simply suckers; yet they knew il
was April Fools Day.
On that same
day man went
r.,.- A.. r;o,.oo nj. a-fishing for
Without Hooks. sot him fownon
q pt-l,sa - 1.,
The morning times., 1896-03-29

which to exclude the April Fools Day dis
turbers of the White House peace.
In the minds eye, without even a warm
application OF the Roentgen ray, it is easy
10 see tie fighters against folly seated at
the table in what the President told the
delegation OF Baptist ministers was his
workshop" In a certain sense, this is
true, because it is there he saws wood. The
7 resident casts aside carefully all the
suspected letters and puts all the packages
In tub of water near him on the floor
The morning times., 1896-03-29

to Kill the microbes and an nyincidentaId dyna-
mite. The morning is passed away pleas
antly, and he asks for a cigar.
What kind, eXcellenza%' queries F. A.
II. T., in one-third Spanish and two-thirds
Bayard.
a Duke of Veragua,' - replies excelIenza.
and Fiye-Thousard-Do DoIIars-a- Year in the
future opens a new box. The rest OF this
story is done in black and white pictorialIv
on this Seventeenth Page. In scene the sec
ond the unfortunate boX-Opener is ON bis
The morning times., 1896-03-29

the little stranger into the street. There
may be millions awaiting the long-lost
heir before you die.
The compliments of the season are firstly
due to the three destinies of Washington.
Messrs. Ross, Trues,iell and Powell. They
VIII do a land-offiCe business on April
Fools Day. They viii be sitting at B ell
shazzar's feast. and To- there appears on
the wall strange scroll in the kalorama
dialect.
The Attorney for the District and the
The morning times., 1896-03-29

Interpreter OF the elastic law of the local
Medcs and Persians is called in and he is
promised fine raiment and an amethystinc
ring il he eXpounds the letters of fire on the
wall. Reference to the snapshot OF the oc-
Casion will be found in the margin OF this
page. Or course, this may not happen, but
it ought TO, which is a much better Considera-
tion.
There Is one place in the United States
where everything can happen, provided
always it is not something practCal-eyen
The morning times., 1896-03-29
A Neat Little April Effect in the Senate.

knees asservating in shattered sentences to
the accusation OF the Potentate OF the PutO-
mac tnat be smelt treason in the tainted
gale.
If third term doesn't go, lese majestic
does. thundcrS the man of destiny.
y know it does, Your Majesty, but by
the saher of my father l know not who is
the miScrcant, unless il be some goddess
member OF the +. W. n. NJ. OF the Occi-
dental provinces.
And who are they, caitiff?'
'N'"o"le Who Need Missionaries, Ex-
cellcnza."
Then, by my halidOn, they shall have
them galore before the ides OF April
And with that His Majesty seized his "a b
lets and wrote deep in the wax Colorado -
''North Dakota" oklahoma" =" "Stew-
The morning times., 1896-03-29

will enforce the rules and order the gal
leres to be cleared.
Mr.. Morrill, of Maine-Mr. President, /
have been fifty years in the Senate in the
nmbassadorial capacity of a Senator from
Maine and l have never yet heard
The Foreign Voice. am talser my
self. tRcnewed applause from the gal
leries.)
The President-The sergeant-at-arms viii
arrest that obnoxious parsonage.
The galleries are cleared, and the SER
The morning times., 1896-03-29

a Joke. To guess the name Of that place
is not as hard as guessing the number OF
five black beans in Il transparent jar. 1t
is the United States Senate,
In the afternoon OF Wednesday next,
after the morning hour, the Cuban ola
podrida will be in full blast. Senator
lodge will have spoken on the letter that
never came 10 Secretary Olney, Senator
Mills will have taken Cuba wi ct afmis,'
and Senator Hale will have delivered his
accustomed eulOgy on the late Don Canovas
de Quixote. The listening Senate is suddenly
startled by n thin foreign voice, which
saws, I'm something of talker myself"
Applause breaks out in the galleries.
The President of the Scnate-If these
demonstrations are repeated the President
The morning times., 1896-03-29

The misfortunes OF the day are ike the
premonitions of sneeZes. You know they
are coming, but you can't prevent their
arrival, so il is much better to sneeZe
at once, even IL your mouth is full OF
turtle soup. than 10 fight against the in
eyitable. 1t is better even 20 take in
the bundle on The doorstep than 10 kick
The morning times., 1896-03-29

Mt tue SalEC
time if all the |
night caps and |
night dresSesin |
Paradise alley !
are sprinkled /
from tue hose /
OF the small !
boy on the roof /
who has been !
paid TO Shout /
fire" it only |
goes 10 show I
that there is 4 1
certain Dc gree /
OF misfortune I
in trying to |
find out wheth- |
er there's a /
fire in your I
own house by |
looking out of |
the window.
The place TO
look is in the
basement. or
any other ID
sidepreCinct.
Again e
nan who pass
S wisely by a
silver dollar on
the pavement
feels bad when
he looks back
and sees that
another man
has picked Gp
safely. If lisa
potkejD0Ck the
case Is all the
sadder. or. II
the man who
believes that it
is betterto take
in the baby off
the doorstep,
taEeSirandteIIs
his wife about
It, may open
the bundle to
find initOneO of
our old friends,
the rag baby.
So, again, the
brick in the hat
is inevitable,
but it is no use
TO go home in
that condition.
1t. of course.
requires a good
deal Of fOrti-
tude and saw
teeth 20 eat a
cotton batting
dumping. OrtO
cnew, with a
scripturaI face
even a small
piece of candy
with q yarBin-
side, but il is
said that it has
been dOneTath
er than ac-
knowledge the
joke, but in
nearly all or
the instances
the patients
died as mar
tyrS, like the
Spartan boy
who let TIE
fox eat out OF
his breadbas-
ket rather than
be indicted for
stealing til {
fox.
II YOU find
it yarn or cot
ton. Spitit out
ike a man.
Reach for ali
the money in
sight, PICK up
all the Pocket
books, open all
Your letters,
receive all the
visitors in or
out of mySter-
ious bundles,
for ON this par
tiCuiar day it's
the only way
to sO;ve tie
prOblemSOr the
other fools. 1t
is somewhat
strange that a
person be-
Heves ttatit is
the unexpected
that always
happens. sCorns
TO look behind
him when a
small boy says
to him conf
dentialIy: Mis-
ter, your EGrSe
haSdroppedhis
tail. 1t is
human nature
to look back
when he has
turned the cor
Der.
There have
beenveFymany
sage to m & S
written about
the origin and
uses OF April
Fools d a Y.
Some writer's
ascribc TO it a
Roman, and
Others a Greek
origin. 1t is
more than ukeIy
when ESau triel
Isaac with thei
1uT,il;ttl, howe
original oEer D
the boom Of F..
the ages. They
brains ever sine
The morning times., 1896-03-29

IN a n ; ID a ] {,
which goes 10
show that peo-
pie who ave too
wise TO "Eite''
very often get
left, even as the
fish didn't know
a good thing
when ii was in
dubitably in
their line.
And on that
same day in the
same generation.
a spinSter lady
declined TO open
a letter, good
for tlIisday only.
norain cliecksis-
sued, wllichletter
containedabona
Tide sealed pro-
po>althathe and
she should tarry
together at Jeri-
cllo, or any place
else where there
100 Soou larry
Ing, swOoning
and grooming in
the thick after
noon perfume of
lotus ara orange
blossoms. And
the neXtday she
died.
On the lst OF
April, last, a
young wiseaCre.
who lives on
New Hampshire
avenue. received
4 letter by spe-
cial messenger.
Ii was SUPER
scribedina plain
round hand. and
In the left-liand
corner We're the
words: Private:
marked down to
SO, former val
Ne $50" The
letter was re-
turned to the
writer, with the
remark on the
margin: Don't
need any spring
clothes. The
icttermerelycon-
tained a part
payment Of $50
on a $50 "deBt
or honor which
accrued from
lost borrowed
chips
SO when the
bride Of only
two Aprils teIe-
graphed 10 her
husband IN New
\ ork from
Washington the
thrilling mes
sage: Two and
ans well" be re-
ceived il, Two
and all swell"
He replied. Had
eightmySelf and
feel much swell
er-" She wSs a
little surprised,
10 be sure, and
wheii i:aey grow
up she VIII tell
the twins about
the mind reading
capacity Cf a
handsome clerk
OF thercnSuS Of
flee.
These histori-
calcasps are not
ed by way ofpre-
lude 20 the state
meBt chat April
Fools Day is
again with MS, or
viii be on We'd
nesday next, Az
ter these gad eN-
amples Of mind
reading, it VIII
be Onlyfhe more |
perplGXlng to
discover the diff
ference between |
looking the gift |
horse IN the (
mouth aud the |
gift horse him |
self Should he |
galop up 10 the |
door. |
One half OF the
world will begin |
on Wednesdayto
play pranks on |
the other half, |
and IL is an in
teresting day be-
cause we have
only two such |
days on the cal
endar, the other
being Valentine
Day. Election
day should, per-
haps. be added, /
but TO auofthen |
Father Abraham |
undoubtedly re-
ferred when he |
got off the ia
nous bit OF phi |
losophy, You
can fool all OF
the people some
OF the time. etc,
etc, etc" |
day are like the |
You know they |
MT prevent their
better TO sneeZe
mouth is full OF |
/ against the in
The morning times., 1896-03-29

more than likely that it began on the day
when ESau tried 10 pass himself off for
Isaac with their blind parent. Abraham
4sur.ilJtl, however. discovered tnat the
original OEer ISd hair on his brain and
the boon! Of Esau was launched for all
the ages. They have had hairs on their
brains ever since.
The morning times., 1896-03-29

art and Teller" having done which he
strode out of the room. leaving the second
fiddle to play out the score.
It Will probably be a bad day for king
makers. however good u may be for political
fool ma kers. In u quiet. COSY room in a
Philadelphia hotel there are gathered
together the elect OF the Warwfcks
OF this day and generation, fore
most among whom are Platt, Quay and
G arkFCI.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
Rheumatism Cured.

Mr.. w. E. Shepherd, of the dry
goods house of Dawson, Lowe &
Shepherd, Athens, Ca, says of
Royal Germetuer:
For four long months l was flat
on my back, unable to move sim
gle limb of my body without as
slstance. Nothing gave me relief.
l had given up all hopes of recov-
cry until the great remedy, Kings
Royal Gern:eteur was given me.
The first week l began to improve,
and in less than thirty days was
on my feet attending 10 my duties.
| am nov able to work twelve
hours out of evorY twenty-four,
and sell as many dry goods as any
man in Georgia.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
FOR SALE.

The following law books, apply,
at ADVERTISER Office.
Bishop on Criminal Procedure,
Vol. 1 and 2.
Wharton Oh Criminal Law, 6 vols.
Willcock on Corporations.
Williams on Executors.
Hills S. Carolina Reports, Vol. 2.
Chitty's Blackstone, 2 vols.
Stephen on Pleading.
Wills on Clrcumstantial Evidence.
Foublanque OH Equity, 2 vols.
Chitty On Contracts.
Paschal's Annotated Constitution
Martindale's U. S. Law Directory
(1S74.)
Brevard's Reports, Vol. 2.
Hale's Please of the Crown.
Greenleaf on Evidence, Vol. j..
Chitty ON Bills.
Rice's Digested Index.
Harrison's Chancery. Vol. /.
Bays Reports, Vol. 1.
Phillipp's Evidence.
History of 6 Suit at Law, by james
Conner.
Milford on Pleadings.
Chitty OH Pleading, Vol. 1.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
Antioch Items.

Mr.. EDITOR: Through the eff
fort of Mr.. NJ. A. Minis, who is ever
alive to the interest and progress
of our community, a very neat and
substantial school building has
just been completed, situated one
and q half miles south of Antioch
church in Collier township, and
will be known as Antioch Acade-
my. The trustees could have made
no wiser selection when they pro-
cured the services of Mrs. Frank
Sharpton as principal. Last Fri
day was set apart as Arbor Day
and it was one that every child
will remember as long as it lives.
The morning was devoted to plant
ing of cedars, elms, water oaks,
peach and apple trees. Indeed it
was lovely sight to see handsome
boys and beautiful girls working
to beautifv the grounds.
In'the afternoon there were reci-
tations by the children, which re-
fected credit upon both children
and teacher for the most excellent
manner in which they were render
ed. The following was the pro-
gramme:
Where are the coming mem
Ben Minis.
"My birthday"-Sophia Minis.
aBurial of Sir John Moore"-
Charlie Jones.
"Not one to Spare"-Miss Mag
gle Jones.
sold oaken bucket"-Mattie
Minis.
"Try, try again"-Lawrence
Minis.
Forty years ago"-Miss Ellie
Minis.
The rainy day"-Robhie Jones.
1.-The doll"-Laura Minis.
Master Lovick Minis recited a
piece the title of which We lailed
to get, but as usua! acquitted him
self handsomely.
After the recitations all who
were fortunate enough to be pres
ent enjoyed a candy pulling.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
A Terrible ARRAY.


At Bethany church, near Liberty
Hill, on Sunday last the 30th November,
Joseph White was killed and Luke D.
White mortallyiwounded, (from which
wound he died on Monday morning at
four o'clock,l and Leon j. Williams
terribly cut about The face, neck and
head so that he will die If net already
dead at this writing. Of the particulars
of this awful tragedy We cam learn
nothing authentic. There had been a
feud between Mr.. l.. j. Williams and
Mr.. L. d. White and tits supposed that
the shooting resulted from that--and
we can only surmise that Williams
did the shooting and the Whites the
cutting. Whether other parties were
engaged or not we do not know. A
letter to- o. Sheppard Esq, received
Monday morning, announced the death
of Mr.. J.. d. White and that the alter
cation occurred after most of the con-
gregation had left the church for their
homes.
The whole community in and around
Liberty Hill is SO shocked at tn is
terrible affair that we are unable to
get any particulars other than we have
given.
Comptroller-General Norton has di-
rected Auditor D. II. Wise to go to
Edgefield and make an investigation
into the County offices of the county.
guaranteeing him his price. Mr.. Wise
will go soon.-Journal and Review.
Bennie Holland, Oldest son OF Mr..
and Mrs. James A. Holland, died at the
residence of his parents in our town on
l. st Wednesday at eight o'clock p. M,
after short illness. The sympathies
of our entire community are with the
stricken parents and especially do they
grieve with the bereaved mother whose
pride and joy were in her well beloved
oldest boy. In his last moments Ben
ME said torRev. PIP. Blalock that he
had made his peace with God and was
prepared for,the summons, an assur-
ance that has much of comfort for those
sad ones who sigh
For the touch of vanished hand
And the sound of a voice that is still.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
MASTERS SALE.
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA
EDGEFIELD COUNTY,
Court Common Pleas.

Court Common Pleas.
w. e. Prescott-against-W. F
Elan.
DURSUANT to the decree in this
I cause, will offer for sale at public
outcry before the court house.
town of Edgefeld and State Of
South Carolina, on the first Mon
day in December, 1896, { (being the
9TH day of said month) the inter
est of the said w. F. Elan (the
same being the undivided, fourth
part thereby in the following re-
atty, to wit:
All that tract of land, situate in
Edgefeld County and State of
South Carolina which was devised
to Mrs. Francis Elan during her
life and after her death to her chill
dren equally share and share alike
under the will of George Boswell
deceased.
Terms Of Sale: One-half cash,
and the balance on a credit of one
year with interest from the day of
sale. Purchaser to give bond and
mortgage of the premises, to Sc
cure the payment of the credit
portion or all cash at the purcha-
sers option.
Purchaser to pay for papers.
w, F. ROATH,
Master E. C.
Nov. LIT.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
Masters Sale.
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA
EDGEF1ELD COUNTY,
Court Common Pleas.

James C. QUITS ct. al, Plaintiff
against-Frank Powell.
PURSUANT to the decree in this
/ cause, will RESELL at the risk of
the former purchaser, at public
outcry, before the court house in
the town of Edgefeld, County and
State aforesaid: on the first Mon
day in December, 1896, being the
9TH day of said month, the follow
ing described realty, to wit:
All that tract of land lying, sit
uate and being in Edgefeld Coun-
ty and State of South Carolina.
containing one hundred and fifteen
(115) acres, more or less, bounded
by lands of Felix Zimmerman on
the north, south by lands of j. G.
Zimmerman, east by lands of
Frank QUITS, west by lands of
VIM. QUITS.
Terms of Sale: One-third cash
and the balance on credit of one
and two years with interest from
the day of sale. Purchaser to give
bond and mortgage of the prem
ises to secure the credit portion.
Purchaser TO pay for papers.
w. F. ROATH,
Master, E. C.
Nov. 10-4t.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
Masters Sale.
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA.
EDGEF1ELD COUNTY.
Court of Common Pleas.

Court of Common Pleas.
The American Freehold Land
Mortgage Company of London
(Limited) VS.. Benjamin R. Hill
ct. al,
PURSUANT to the decree, will of
1 fer for sale at public outcry before
the court house, town of EdgeGeld
and State of South Carolina, on
the first Monday in December
1896 (being the 7ih day of said
month) between the legal hours
of sale, the following described
realty, to wit:
No. 1. Allthat tract or parcel of
land, lying, situate, and being in
Cooper township, Edgefeld coun-
ty, and State of South Carolina,
containing nine hundred and fifty
(950) acres, more or less, and
bounded by lands Of B. R. Hill, W.
H. Frazier, u. Cooper, by saluda
River, by Wilson Creek, and by
other lands.
No. 2. All that tract of land, ly-
ing, situate, and being in Edgefeld
county, and State of South Carroll
ma, containing one hundred and
eighty-6ve (1S5) acres, more or
less, adjoining lands of B. r. Hill
and others.
Terms of Sale: One-half cash
and the balance on credit of one
year with interest on the credit
portion from the day of sale. Pur-
chaser to give bond and mort
gage of the premises to secure the
payment of the credit portion or
all.cash at the purchasers option.
Purchaser to pay for papers.
w. f. ROATH,
Master E. G.
Nov. 10-4t.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
The Practical
Question


For hard times and all times is
not, where are the goods made, or
who makes them, for ten or twenty
years ago some names and places
stood higher than now, and new
names have become significant.
The enterprising business man
wants 10 know where to get the
best goods for the least money.
That's the test question. Old
Hickory Wagons are the recognize
ed standard. Compare our prices
with any others; we except nope,
quality considered. We will be
satisfied with the result of the
test.
Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1896-12-02
Masters Sale.
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA
EDeEFIELD County.
Court Common Pleas.

Court Common Pleas.
Mrs. Vic toria Evans, ct. al.,-vs.--
G.. G. Matthews, ct. a..
PURSUANT 10 the decree in this
cause, l will resell at public out
cry before the conrt house, town
of Edge6eld and State of South
Carolina on the first Monday in
December, 1896 (being the 7th day
of said monthly between the legal
hours Of sale, The following realty
to wit:
Tract No. 3. One other tract of
land known as Rocky Pond tract,
situated in the county of Edgefeld
and State of South Carolina, and
lying Oh both sides of the Augusta
and Knoxville Railroad, contain
ing seven hundred, 700 acres, more
or less, and adjoining lands of G..
l.. Blair, Martha B. Bussey, Hpwle,
and others.
Terms of Sale: One-half cash
and the balance on q credit Of one
year with interest on the credit
portion from the day Of sale, Pur-
chaser to give bond and a mort
gage of The premises to secure the
payment of the credit portion.
Purchaser to pay for papers.
w. f ROATH,
Master E. G.
Nov. 11-4te.