The herald., 1896-12-13
AdverSities Followed Him Ev.
erywhere
SICKNESS, MISERY AND WANT
Lead to the Very Brink Of Self.De.
structiOn
After Writing His Valedictory to the
Public His Life is Saved Most
Unexpectedly

theory that suicide, no matter by what
means is the result of diseased, dis
ordered, unbalanced or insane mind, the
result of ill-health, loss of fortune, fami-
ly troubles, disappointment in love or
some act which is calculated to bring
disgrace to both the suicide and his fam
lily and friends.
1 am in position to deny the
truth of the accepted theory"
though the causes which are sup
posed to drive one to self de-
struction have been multiplied many
times over in my case, and have fol-
lowed me with so much persistency that
l am often at loss to know how have
withstood them. But 50 far as the III
sanity idea is concerned | don't believe
my closest friends would ever think of
advancing such a theory, if l had car
ried out my well laid plan of ending my
own life So far as l am aware l have
always been in the full possession of my
mental faculties, even to the very hour
set for me to end my trials and tribula-
tions. 1t has become customary for the
suicide to leave some kind of written
statement, giving reasons for preferlng
death to life. and it was true in my case.
No paper would have published my val
edictory address to the public for the
reason that there was too much of it and
too many truths about prominent men
to be published as declarations from
suicide.
For amonth or more had brooded over
my bodily ailments, and while prostrated
from physical pain it was impossible to
keep my mind from wandering back to
happier days, or from thinking of the
treachery that had been practiced on me,
Al i ID-.,
haps scientists would step in here and
say my physical and mental ailments
were then deranging my reason, but l
know full we'll that my mind was as
healthy, strong and vigorous as ever.
While l lay Frustrated in bed my great
est desire was to get strong enough to
die, by my own hands, and no man ever
tried harder or prayed more earnestly
than l did to get well enough to fulfill
that abnormal desire to end my own life.
When l began to improve l left no de-
tail for another day. With all the meth
Cd of deliberation, first one thing and
then another was finished, until finally
l had but twelve hours to live. Twelve
more short hours and my soul would
be in another world: twelve more short
hours and my remains would be ready
for the poor mans friend-the under
taker; twelve more hours and the fingers
of the telegraph operator would be click
iiis5 tHC news lHlS continent
that L mad taken my own life. Messages
of love had been written to all the dear
ones at home, letters were written to
friends. bidding long, last farewell; my
trunk had been carefully packed, and all
that was left undone was my valedictory
to the public.
With a determination born of desper-
alton, l seated myself at my writing
table, and placing the death dealing
poison in front of me, began by writing
these words
ITO AN UNsYMPATHIZING PUB
Lie"
Then my mind wandered back to
childhood's happy days, when no cares
or trouble furrowed my brow. when,
with silver spoon, l was fed in the lap
of fortune. Thence to boyhood, when
Saturday was the most welcomed day
of the week, because there was no school,
and for one whole day could pay my
boyish homage to Dora" that child of
beauty, in whose heart my very soul
seemed to exist. A few years later and
l find myself at college, striving hard TO
outstrip all my classmates, all for Do
ra's sake, who swears by an everything
God that she will wait for me, but who
afterward married one-legged peanut
peddler. That is my first trouble in life,
and for short time l stop to think of
the possibilities of what might have
been" But the death bells are already
beginning to ring in my ears and there
is much to think about. After college
days came years of toll and the burning
of midnight oil in attempting to fathom
and master the fundamental principles
of the law; my first appearance in court,
when l was appointed by the court to de-
fend an old negro. who had already
served three terms for stealing hogs,
and how the jury returned verdict of
mot guilty" without leaving the iury
ha tor ! H.
cutting attorney, who happened to be my
fathers brother. Time passes quickly
at that stage of mans life, and so it did
with me. My mind wandered to "the
land of God and liberty" where 1 dug a
fortune out of the bowels of the earth.
only TO be robbed out of it by men who
are looked upon as model citizens. Then
the new struggle for life and fortune.
success again crowned my efforts and
again l am turned out in the world a
bankrupt through the perfidy of man.
BUT with the pluck and energy born of
honesty, continue the battle of life and
once more rise above adversities. and
ma myself standing within reach of the
topmoSt round of the ladder of fortune
ana political preferment. But fortune.
VINO is ever and always tickle, tempts
me INTO quasi-legitimate channels, and
~ ~ curse OIL years has driven me from
the posom of my family" forced me
from pillar to post, thrown me in contact
with gamblers and tricksters. taken IN
my ola friends from me, taught me the
taste or wine, led me to the faro tahlA
touteu me on horse races, placed me in
company with fast women and almost
wnoiiy oemoralized my entire nature
All lhese things came rapidly before nv
nina as l sat there writing nv farewell
message to this world; and vet the time
was passing slowly. l had eaten moth
ING Ior TWO days because l wanted to
give the deadly morphine full and com
pIe.e control over my entire system the
moment 1t entered my stomach Iwante,]
no naH-Way business about il. In nv
eWlul pains, during my sickness. the
uoclors mad given me one-ul1ar-
yer OF grain- To be sure
ol my attempt. I had procure I
iorty times that much-ten grains 7
guarded 1t with the utmost care and nre-
caution, Tor it was to be my friend within
very rev hours. was only waiting
row lof the end of time NV watch
kept ticking away the second as sat
mere watching the minute hand go
founG and round. Only two hours
were left now, and yet I had NOT rnoved
from my chair during the entire nre-
ceding ten. My nerves were abnorma a1lv
quiet and steady; my heart beats We're
| as regular in their movements as were
| the wheels in my watch. There was no
| feVered brow nor flushed face for 7
could plainly see myself in the miyror
| There was no death-like cIamminess
ABOUT my hands, for I had shaken hands
| Win myself half dozen times in the last
hour over the good fortune and long