Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-04-08
THE SPlNNINGWHEEL.

you can walk back WI me and measure
our Tom for a suit
'ThankS-thankS [ shall be very
glad to measure your Tom for sGit,
and | know it will please you"
Accordingly the two started back, the
tailor IN high glee at the prospective
order. though he felt the four-mile walk
out of his way.
Now then, Betty" said the farmer,
entering his house and glancing slyly at
his wife, where's our Tom? I've told
this chap he can measure him for suit.
Here, Tom,' continued the old man,
opening the kitchen door, 'come here,
ch-ch-ch-ch." And out walked fine
tom cat; but when the farmer looked Zip
the tailor was boiling furiously away!
A Fifeshire clergyman. well-known for
his somewhat eccentric manner, was
very much annoyed at some OF his flock
being frequently late for church.
One day a local dandy walked ND the
aisle somewhat after the time, and
made great deal of unnecessary fuss
about finding a seat.
The aggravated pastor stopped and
gazed at the offender. and then astound-
ed the congregation by exclaiming:
"Oh, ieest sit doom. Mr.. B. Well
see your new breeks (breeches) gin the
kirk comes ootr'-Answers.
An English naval officer, whose ship
was stationed off the coast of Ceylon,
recently went off for q days shooting
along the coast, accompanied by native
attendant who was we'll acquainted with
the country.
Coming to a particularly inviting river,
he resolved to have a bath, and asked
the native to shew him a place where
there were no alligators. The native
ooh h TO- ii ,.fT To fhn f11nI
The officer thoroughly enjoyed his dip,
and while drying himself he asked his
guide why there were never any ALI
gators in that pool.
Because. sah,' promptly replied the
Cingalese, they plenty fraid of shark
Two ladies coming out of the Albert
hall, London, late one foggy afternoon
were waiting with many others for an
omnibus.
Anxious to get in first. they stood on
the edge of the curbstone, and. seeing
large vehicle coming towards them
in the fog. rushed into the road, waving
their umbrellas and crying, Stop.
please" only to be greeted with peals of
laughter and Take YOU next time, Ia
dies, from the driver. 1t was the
prison van!
The unhappy pair crept meekly back
to the pavement amidst the delighted
JoGIS OI lue CIONG
-:o:-
Father and son were inspecting the
museum at a certain town, when the
boys attention was fixed on a stuffed
lion in a glass showcase. with blood pro-
ceeding from a wound in its side.
Suddenly he exclaimed:
Daddy. how did they shoot the lion
without breaking the glass;"
Teetotal enthusiasm is not rampant
in some parts of the country, though
hard drinking is rarer than it used to
be.
An old gardener of ours used to have
tea and coffee sent out TO him in the hot
weather.
You find the tea refreshing this warm
day, don't you, Smith" asked my moth
er.
"Why. num- said Smith doubtfully.
zone can drink anything this weather"
For earaches. that are so common to
children Just now, put a few drops of
vaseline in teaspoon and hold it over
the gas to heat. Hold the spoon in the
hollow of the hand for a second. and
when it ceases to burn you pour it into
the child's ear, making it lie on the other
ear, so that the oil will be retained for
a moment or two. Then put some cotton
in the ear. 1t Will give almost instant
relief, for the heat is excellent and the
vaseline loosens up the dry wax in the
ear.
4 postofice inspector reports that in
the year 1894 a letter was sent from
Norman to Wetumka, /. t., and only
recently the letter was returned to the
writer. 1t seems that the postmaster
was appointed under the Harrison adj
ministration, and when the change came
no one wanted the office. so the old APP
pointee was retained. The old gentle
man was shrewd business man, and
economy was his hobby. That char
acteristic got him into trouble. Along
in the early part of 1894 a letter was
sent from Norman to Wetumka, and as
time rolled on nothing more was heard
from It. 1t SO happened that the people
in the vicinity Of Wetumka would write
letters and never get answers. This
was horne for year Or two, but finally
the people got tired Of it and demanded
spector came, went through the Office
and found a sack nearly full of letters,
the accumulation Of about three years.
When asked why he didn't send the let
tiers off, the postmaster replied that it
was foolishness to put the government
to the expense of making trip for just
that little bundle. He thought he would
wait until the sack was full.-Corr ST.
Louis Republic.
A young IDIOT who was fond of hrag-
ging that he was very we'll connected
! and who frequently referred to MY
friend, Lord this" and MY chum, Lord
that" was one day riding out with a
friend, when the conversation turned on
fish.
"Ahr' said the swell, 'd'you know, l
was dining at Lord IS the other even
ing, and | was very much surprised that
! there was no fish on the table,
mo need TO be surprised,' said his
friend. THAT was because they had
eaten it all upstairs"
A rural visitor to London, desiring q
dinner, went to a restaurant, and when
he had taken a seat the waiter came up
and presented him with a bill-of-fare.
Look here, man." roared the wide
awake rustic you don't cheat | loike
this. for l be only just COON in. / aim
had any of these ere things, and l
sha'n't pay for 'em. l knows your game.
IL crat INV 5inDpr somewhere else