davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Until, my land! l don't sec how you
ever do get through,
i think a woman haln't no call to dc
them sort of chores,
She ought to have a servant for to
wash an clean the floors,
An do the other work; an IL her hus-
band can't afford
That sort Of thing, It's his lookout-an
mercy me, good Lord
/ would just like to see myself go slav-
In on that plan
An workin' off my finger ends to plea
sure any man.
My husband married me for looks, an
got 'em-more or less
An sometimes when l fix my hair an
wear another dress
He says amt so homely yet, an takes
an Old-time kiss
But what's the use? It's all the same q
hundred years from this.
lou never have no time at all to gossip
at the door,
Or talk about your neighbors what's
come on the other floor
There's somethln queer about them
folks, they're wearin' too good
clothes
An see the way that girl of theirs holds
up her snubby nose.
They think they're somethin', that's q
fact. I stopped the littlest one
An asked him where they used to live,
an what his sister done.
An where his pepper worked, an how
his mommer spelt her name.
An, say, he told me everything, an
that was why l came
To let you know at once about the folks
you's Twin nigh.
What! Is that man your brother? Well,
you needn't git so high,
Oh, shut the door on me, Of course.
Yes, that's the way to do!
Now I'll go on to Mrs. Jones an tell her
about you"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

country and no rural individual Of any
sporting proclivities at all considered
a visit to New York complete unless it
included visit to Harry HIPS" The
proprietor was genial and hearty, and
1t was his boast-truthful so far as is
known-that no person was ever
robbed in his place. Many New York
ers who have memories, and not I'M
pleasant ones, Of Harry Hill occupy
places high in politics and In the bust
ness world to-day. 1t was their GUS
tom to "open wine" with the thick-set,
popular Englishman who conducted it.,
and who owed his success to his hon
esty and good fellowship. Hill, who
was at one time reputed to be worth
$780, 900, died in poverty, and 1t is a
fact worthy Of note that of all the men
who have achieved success and under
obligations to him not one went to his
assistance in the days Of his adversely.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

at Fleetwood he won the fastest race
In turf history to date-2.03&, 2:O3A,
2OSA--and on a track far from rec.
ord-breaker. There is a stiff upgrade
In the third quarter, short homo
stretch and the turns are short and not
especially thrown up. GUTTER though
he has been accused of being, and
really think he at times has deserved
tho charge he certainly was a marvel
GUS horse at Fleetwood. Grand circuit
followers stuck to Robert ]. at 10 to 3,
and before they got away for the last
heat played even money on the cham
pion, but he was beaten by nose in
a hair-raislng finish. Early in the race
he was too unsteady to make use Of,
so let Frank Agan fight 1t out with the
little stallion. The once sensational
Star Pointer, 2:O41s, cut sorry figure
and was behind the flag In the second
heat. He is either acting very
badly or is back number. Young Nc
Clary, they say, drives him as well as
did Geers, but the conclusion is he
isn't right this season, maybe suffered
acclimatization early in the year in
their cold eastern country and will not
round to in time to be Of any account.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
TnrR Notes.

Bessie Wilton, 2:O9A, has a bowed
tendon and it is doubtful as to her rae
ing again this season.
Hoover, 2:271s, a new one by Aller-
ton. IL from the dam Of EllOree, 2:111a.
He is said to be a good prospect for a
2:20 mark.
Belle Wells, 2:171s, is great card
for her sire, Pactolus. She took her
record in three-minute class at He'd
rick last week.
Roam wilkes, 2:O714, recently worked
a quarter in 81 seconds on half-mile
track. He is ticketed for 2:O5 record
ere the seasons close.
Dlrectum, 2:O5A, is at Highland
Park, Detroit, and working moderately
to sulky. He is down for an exhibition
there during the meeting.
Gen. Turner is working Jettie, 2:161A,
lightly again. She has been undergo
ing treatment for curb thrown at
Boston in her race last June,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15


on what ground Thomas Sharkey bases
his pretensions to championship hon
ors, was a mystery to 5000 persons
who went to Madison Square Gardens
the other night to see the sailor drawn
out" Sharkey displayed a physique
which would do credit to a weight-lift-
er, behaved modestly as BETTING a
stranger, and that Is all he did do. An
essential element Of pugllism, the abil-
ity to box, he failed to display, and
those who saw him concluded that he
could not. The exhibition, however,
raises the question as to what can be
the matter with Corbett, whose recent
four-round contest with Sharkey did
not at all rebound to his credit. The
bout between Sullivan and Sharkey was
announced as an exhibition of boxing,
and a moment later the crowd roared
as the old champion appeared. He was
old, he was gray, and 1t was no more
proper that he should be in a ring
than that he should essay skirt dane
ing, Sharkey, when he threw off his
robe, displayed remarkable specimen
OF manhood, more picturesque because
OF swelling muscles and graceful form
than Sullivan showed at his best.
Sullivan, In response to the cries for
a speech, said: tits not necessary for
me to make speech, gentlemen, for
the referee has told you that this is to
be an exhibition bout I've had my day,
and am now almost too fat to fight.
But you will have chance to see what
the young man can do. He wants to
get up to the top, and deserves all
sorts of luck"
Then time was called, and Sullivan,
from start to finish, made the best
showing. He could not move his pom
derous body, but he had almost the old
quickness Of the arms; he could duck
little, which was more than Sharkey
could do, and twice he lodged, but this
effort was almost too much for him.
Sharkey was so slow that a watch
might have been put on his blows, and
he judged distances badly. At first
1t was thought that possibly he did not
want to display the old champions
weakness, but that idea was quickly
dispelled He was great disappoint-
ment. Sullivan hit him in the face al
most at will, but even the one-minute
rounds tired the old man. In the third
and last round he tripped and almost
fell. When the exhibition was ended
Fitzsimmons said: 'I've changed my
mind now. Sharkey's even easier than
I thought"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

One by one all the coarse and vulgar
features are being eliminated from the
football game. First the CORY flying
wedge was barred out and the rules so
revised as to decrease the necessary
number Of physicians in attendance to
an appreciable extent. Up to this year,
however, the game has always been
played outdoors, with the result that
many a high-bred college youth had
10 consult specialist on chapped
hands. Now the Chicago University
proposes getting around this difficulty
by holding Its Thanksgiving day game
indoors. OF course, this is only an
other step in the line Of the aesthetic
and many uncouth features are yet to
be wiped out, but the good work Is pro-
crossing rapidly and the evolution of
the once brutal sport into a game Of
bean bags is but the matter Of a few
years,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

The gross earnings Of the railways Of
the United States for the year ending
June 30, 1895, were SLOTS, 81, 462, an
increase of $2,OO9,665 for the year being
thus shown. Passenger revenue was
$252, 246, 1870, showing decrease of $685.
103,378, or 11.60 per cent for the year.
Freight revenue increased $50, 1902, $40,
or 4.96 per cent, being $729, 993, 462 for
1895. The expenses Of operation for
the same period were $725, 72O,4 AIS,
which were $569S,9O7 less than for 1894.
The important unit in railway statis-
tics designated as the co-efficient of op-
Grating expenses, that is the percentage
Of operating expenses to operating in
come, for 1895, was GAS per cent:
for 1890, $3.50 per cent. The income
from operation, $949, 1851, O47, though
T,7O3,572 greater than 1t was In 1894.
was yet less than for any other year
since 1890. The income accruing to
railways from investments and sources
other than operation, amounted to
1892, 432, 1873. These figures compared
with corresponding ones for the prev
ious year, show decrease Of $1O,3S4,-
69S. The amount Of money at the dis
posal Of railways for fixed charges and
dividends is the aggregate of income
from operation and income from other
sources, This amount for 1895 was
$4S2,0SS,1S0. Fixed charges for the
year amounted to $425, 1921. In 1894
they were $3,O41, 3S9 greater. The de-
ductiOn Of fixed charges leaves $685.
1929 as net income from which to
pay dividends. The amount of divi-
dends, including $673,957 other pay
ments from net income, was $S5, 961 500.
from which 1t appears that the rail-
ways Of the United States closed the
year with deficit from the years on
erations Of $29,S45,241, which was met
by decrease in accumulated surplus.
or by the creation Of current liabilities.
The corresponding deficit for the year
ending June 80, 1894 was sac, 1851 ,294
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Ben Bethel has left Cassville, Mo-,
for good, and therefore has lost his
vote. He went, too, Of his own free
will, and, sad to say, took sweet, limo
cent girl with him. Ben had been in
love With Minnie Davis, but her papa
objected, whereupon he transferred his
affections to Maude Hayes, whom he
asked to marry him at once. The lat
ter argued that his request was too
sudden" Then the flend shot her, and
an instant later turned the gun on him
self with fatal results. The fool killer
evidently had not been in Cassville for
a long time, else Ben Bethel would have
left town much sooner than he did.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

DR.. Carl Barnes an eminent eastern
medical authority, has discovered that
the Roentgen rays may be put to q
most useful practical purpose as q
means Of preventing burial alive. He
says they enable one to see distinctly
whether or not the blood has become
decompcsed; the first and quickest sign
of death. He placed his own hand and
a dead hand on the same plate holder,
thus obtaining the two X-ray pictures
side by side on the same plate, and the
resulting difference in the picture was
so startling that he at once proceeded
to make number Of similar pictures,
obtaining the same results in every
case.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
A LIttle Mixed.

george Todgers, where have you
been until this time in the morningP"
Been havin' little finanshul dis
cushin, thash all"
Couldn't you do your discussing by
daylight"
mot thish time, m'dear. l had to-
stay and prove that t'other side sticked
Its matistlcs."
Ibid what?,'
"Sicked its mixtstics.
"Say that again"
"Course can say it again Micked
its stitics. Wha's matt'r with thatP"
"Well, you go to bed. Ill see that
your statistics are thoroughly mixed
for you in the morning Climb"
Cleveland Plain-dealer.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Tho chinese Work backward.


The Chinese do everything back.
ward. Their compass points to the
south instead of the north. The men
wear skirts and the women trousers;
while the men wear their hair long,
the women coil theirs in knot. The
dressmakers are men; the women car
ry burdens. The spoken language 10
not written, and the written lam
guage is not spoken. Books are read
backward, and any notes are inserted
at the top. White is used for mourn
ing, and the bridesmaids wear black
instead of being maidens these func-
tlonaries are old women. The Chin
csc surname comes first, and they
shake their own hands instead of the
hand of the one whom they would
greet Vessels are launched sideways
and horses are mounted from the of
side, They commence their dinner
with dessert and end up with soup
and fish. In shaving, the barber
operates on the head, cutting the hair
upward then downward, and then
pollshes it off with u small knife,
which is passed over the eyebrows and
into the nose to remove superhuous
hairs. st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Wor.t Kind of . Case.

"You look thin and careworn, Tad
ley" said the man in the russell shoes,
Insomnia" replied Tadley, with a
groan.
insomnia" repeated the man in the
russell shoes. "oh! come now, man
with no more than you have to worry
him doesn't get insomnia"
cts the baby that's got it," ex-
planned Tadley as he stepped off the
ferry-boat and resumed his struggle
with life.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
She Challenges Corbett.

Mrs. Edward White of New York
city is a remarkable woman. She has
tacitly challenged Corbett to a boxing
match and she fights regularly with
her husband two times a day and
makes no secret Of 1t.
In other words, Mrs. White, a hand
some and modest woman some twenty
odd years of age, holds her own against
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Prof. James Custom, spiritualist,
has been to st. Joe, Mich, for three
weeks trying to locate the lost steamer
Chicora, which went down last winter.
Friends Of science will be glad to learn
that the professor succeeded In finding
the steamer which he says lies at the
bottom Of the lake ten miles out and
in 1870 feet of water. But the ten thou
sand dollar reward has not been paid
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
HARVEST EXCURSIONS TO oHEAr



On August 18th, September tst, 10Th,
Goth and October 9th and goth tho
Santa Fc route will run series Of
cheap Homeseekers' Excursions to
points in Central and Western Kansas,
Oklahoma, Indian Territory, Texas,
Western Colorado, Utah and Arizona
The ticket rate will be one faro for the
round trip, plus $500, with liberal
limits and stop-over privileged, These
Santa Re route excursions will enable
you to take n fall outing and see a
country where the biggest crops of q
decade are being harvested.
For particulars address Geo. w.
Hagenbuch, P. Sc Il. A. Santa Fe route
Kansas City, Mo-
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Defined.

Mamma" inquired the Inquisltlvs
Kid, what is a half-breed?"
II think, my child" replied Mrs
Newrocks, that the term is applied Ia
persons whose training in department
has been partially neglected. Buffalo
Express.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
How They nnppsned TO Mat

do you know, young man." said the
colporteur, chat you are on the road
to perditlon?"
II don't know, uncle" replied the
scoffing youth. IF I am, how does 1t
happen that 1 meet your"
Because am going in the opposite
direction" rejoined the other.--ChicagG
Record.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
The Cheap Kind.

Mrs. ousewife-Haven't you any
cheaper flannel than this? 1 want it
for bathing suit.
Clerk-Yes, madam, but it's Of the 16
to quality.
what quality is that?"
"Liable to shrink At per cent the first
time 1t Is wet. Buffalo Express.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
At tho HospltaI.

Miss De Gush-I was so sorry to hear
of your accident. Do you think it will
turn out very seriously?
Mr.. Wheeler-The doctor says that
my countenance will never be quite the
same. Otherwise I'll be all right.
Miss De CUSHION, you always we're
such lucky erson!-Cleveland Lead
or.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
EXCLAMATION Needed.

Mr.. Dinwiddie (quoting)-Blood n
thicker than water.
Mr.. Shlngiss-Do you mean filtered
water or Allegheny river water?-Pltts-
burg Chronicle Telegraph.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
The Rest Record to Date.

1t is noticeably conspicuous that
when horse is reported lame and off
the next heard Of is grand victory.
Just so with John R. Gentry. At Bos-
ton he hit his quarter hard md had
been reported lame in consequence, yet
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Not Re.dv for Vbnt Dict.

What do you call this, my dear?"
asked the young husband, after tasting
the dessert which his wife had con-
Structed with her own fair hands.
"That is angel food"
"If that is angel food" commented
the mean man, II do not want to 20 to
heaven" - Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

1.-THE difference between horse and
wheel is that you always have the
latter under perfect control"
"Indeedl / guess you've never been
thrown by your bike" Philadelphia
North American.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Its Own Reward.

Don't you know, Willle," asked the
sunday-school teacher, that you are
always happiest when you are good%
"Yes'm," said Willie, I'm never SO
happy as when I'm good, 'ceptin' when
Vm eatin'."-ChicagO Record.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Tho Old Game.

"What's the matter, Digby?"
"A woman came along and got me "
hold her baby for minute, and Just
see how the little wretch is squealing."
"Well, you're In fix. The woman
will never show UP again"
eyes, she will. I'm married to her."
Chicago Record.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

iY, Susan Smith,
how you 80 on! l
just told Martha
Brown
thought you was
the quecrest lit
tie woman in the
town.
you scrape an pol
ish, sweep an
dust, an wash an
cook an stew
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
United.

"a great, big, overgrown fellow like
you ought to be at work instead OF beg
ging," said the censorious citizen.
"I'm willin' to work." replied Dismal
Dawson, "but I'm too blamed clumsy.
I've tried the shells and I've tried
three-card monte, but the rubes got
onto me the very first time" Indiana
polls Journal.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
A BOYD Lung CapacItn.

Henry" said Mrs. Woodle, 81 hear
Willie's voice. Won't you step to the
door and tell him that l want him."
But Willie was two miles away dis
outing a point with the umpire.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
In a sanItarlum.

Mrs. Jackson-Whar's youah SON
Nose now?
Mrs. Johnson--Takin' de gold cure,
Mrs. Jackson-At White Plains--to1
drunkenness?
Mrs Johnson-No; at Sing Sing-fol
swipin' gold watches.-Puck.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Japan seems to be as much of spe-
cialist on earthquakes as is South
America on revolutions Or France on
crises.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
The Difference.

For very Joy the song birds sing
The lark, the thrush, the llnnet;
But modern poets chortle for
The ducats there are in 1t.
Buffalo ExpresA
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
GENERAL SPORTING.
SOME NOTES AND REVIEWS OF
CURRENT EVENTS.
BhArkey's Poor Showing with John l.
sullivan--rhe Late Harry Hill Died in
Povsrty--A Woman Challenges Cor
bott,

-UST why John L.
Sullivan should
have emerged from
his well-earned re-
tirement to exhibit
the ruin Of his
former self, and
possibly to serve as
a punching bag for
the present UNI
known quantity"
OF pugillsm. and
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Deoadont Mother H.

Decadent Mother II.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog some food;
And when she got there
The cupboard was bare
A study, as 'twere, In the nude.
Detroit Tribune
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

The pun is clown among jokes, but
a we'll turned paradox is the polished
comedian.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Only two Chicago citizens have gone
crazy this week on the money ques-
ton. Stop the train.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

The most dangerous companion for
youth is man who possesses plenty
OF brains but no industry.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

II the powder holds out John Bull
may decide to continue his march Of
civilization" from Dongola to Cape
Town.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Why do the street musicians select
the most difficult compositions for
their efforts?
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Some men hope to become famous
by never doing anything that could
reasonably be expected Of them.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

The worst fooled man on earth is
the one who supposes that loud voice
adds to the weight Of an assertion.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
Friends at Court.

Cant tell anything about the caR0
yet" said the lawyer. "the jury u
hung"
"Jerusalemw exclaimed the prisoner
chat does beat all! But knowed my
friends 'ud lynch 'em ef they got
chance at 'em!'-Atlanta Constitution.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

AS soon as woman fails to take In
terest in dress she is either failing in
health or disappointed In love.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Delft center.pieces filed with ferns
are most delightful addition to the
table,
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Tuberoses and astors are genuine
autumn flowers.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

Your true German loves to talk about
foreign politics and native beer.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
THE JOKER'S CORNER.
WIT, HUMoR AND SATIRE ORIG
INAL AND SELECTED.

Ihs village Gossip - Why Her Papa
Doesn't Object to Her Latest Fad
Worst Kind OF a Case - A Boys
Lung Capacity.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15

just try 10c box of Cascarets, tho FIN est
liver and bowel regulator ever made.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
TRADE MARKS

Examination and Advice as to Patentability OF In
vention. Send for "Inventors Guide or How to GetO
Patent" OFARRELL & son. Washington, D. c.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1896-10-15
W. N. u, X. c.. 1923. No. Al.

When AnSiCerfng Advertisements PLEASE
Mentions 1hiS Paper.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1896-06-04
A Promise.

The reading matter on the first and
fourth pages is and will continue to be
printed from stereotyped plates. We
are thus relieved of the labor Of compo-
sition, saving 10 the Office force about
one and one. half days each week.
BY setting aside all Of our clubbing
arrangements with other publications,
we have been released from obligation
to keep standing page Of their adver.
tisements, thus gaining two columns of
advertising space, after allowing FIVE
columns on the fourth page to the story.
This gain is given to the local page by
transfer of advertising matter.
Having thus additional time and space
at our disposal, it will be utilized in
the Improvement Of the Local depart
ment and THE CLARION will come to be
both necessity and luxury to many
who now know it not.