Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-09-05

Pleasures Of Dirt.
George Meredith has observed that 1t
seems to be Indispensable to the existence
of all the higher domestic animals, includ-
ing man, to revert at intervals to the con-
ditions Of a lower state and find happiness
rolling In the dirt. The carefully -groomed
| horse. kicking Justify on its back among
the dung hills of the barn yard. yields
thus occasionally to an impulse no differ
ent from that which impels the immaculate
city boy to waliow now and then in the
! dust of the roadway-an impulse to which
men, too, must yield at times to keep
| them strong and healthy
1 have learned the truth of this philoso-
ply. turning aborigine at Mud Hen Lake.
Hatless. gloveless, shoeless, I lie on the
ground. dust to dust, ashes to ashes" my
body commingling with the life of the
| earth joyously as If under the mask Of
death my spirit had rejoined its own for
| who am L? what am 1? and whittier am
| tending?-Fudge! ] am the beginnings of
woman. l am Lifh, the first wife of
| Adam. quiescent in the cosmos; the chin
quapins in Eden are breathing me a form,
! and my soul
"Chuck! chuck! chuck"
| Johnsons call to dinner. Thus does
| everything like a genuinely poetic thought
| come to an end at Mud Hen Lake. Life is
| continually rounding in a meal, and every
| thing is done with eating.
| A Problem Solved.
Do you want to know what we eat and
do you want to know how we cook?
Concerning the latter, I'll tell you this,
| that think the servant problem is event
ually to be solved by the New Man. What
| l have learned in the past of mems tri-
| umphs in the chatting dish and what 1
with an ordinary Mary-Ann cook stove
| have satisfied me that the pride of con-
| quest which formerly made men warriors
| and kings will, one day not far distant,
| make them hired girls and housekeepers.
wish you might have seen the tender flush
| Of conscious merit that overspread John
sons face yesterday when he took his
bread out of the oven, knocked it with his
| knuckles and found 1t well done, smelled of
| 1t and knew 1t to be sweet, and held it UP
| for every one to see the beautiful golden
brown color he had baked it. Johnson used
10 pun an oar IN the varsity crew at Cam
| bridge. and he afterward took q post-grad-
| uate course in foot ball that covered him
with honors as thick as his chrysanthe-
mum hair: But one day his adventurous
spirit led him into the wilds of New MexI
| CO. and there, in a mining camp, he earned
the distinction Of being the best bread
maker ever in the territory. He hasn't
done anything else since. and not all the
| money he will one day inherit will aver
win him from the kitchen
| Inc sweet patience and cheerful Industry
both johnson and the Other Man display in
all eiiei sehcles speaks volumes for the
| peace ana comfort We shall know when the
| New Man has finally replaced the old hired
| girl in our homes. " w
Calamity Impending.
An hour ago saw johnson come I'D ont
| OF the cellar looking pale. and exclaim,
sotto voce to the Other Man, Great Scotti
There isn't bread enough for dinner"
me Other Man. who sat on the edge Of
inc ped beside the cook stove gently heat
ing eggs foi the layer cake he was making
groa !ne esgce aad fan to the floor as he
know before what .beastIy appetitss wornsn
have? What'H We do?' which
Johnson thoughtfallly scratched his hood
WIN the bread knife for a moment. and
then. with sigh that would have done
credit to Grselda. answered: oh never
mind; III make a hot corn bread"
But we haven't any more eggs and
Won nave till evening"" said the Other
Very we'll" replied johnson. his face
looking positively sanity in its expression
OF patent resignation; I'll make baking
powder biscuit
In addition to the biscuit We had for din
ner today tomato soup. baked stuffed fish.
with sauce that effaced gluttony from
the calendar of deadly sins; boiled pota-
toes, roast corn, cabbage salad annIa Mo
and coffee. 1t was the first meal we have
eaten without single attempt at suicide
l found fault with Johnson's pie crust the
Hrst DAY, and scarcely were the words ut
tered when the white-clad figures of both
COOKS (they put on regulation cooks uni
1Crms IN work. We're seen speeding down
the path to the river. not twenty feet
a"ay, anu before we OWNED what was
coming there was dreadful splash and
the twin sensitive souls of our coming
hired girls had sought oblivion from our
lngratitude In drowning. The Nervous Wo-
man instantly began shrieking and unset
her hot coffee on the dog who sat beside
her at the table. The dog howled. the
Sphinx Woman smiled and observed that
tneir white duck trowsers would probably
SHRINK; the Girl Who Longs to Make His
tory exclaimed. pensively, How lovely it
would be If they were truly drowning"
the Woman With History who had
scored three suicides on her account up to
GATE, looked a bit bored, and murmured
something about how stupidity history re-
peats Itself. LII I had been born cross
eyed and red-headed, 1 could scarcely be
more certain of bringing ill-luck in my
train upon all occasions.
Rescued by Contrition.
Just as Johnson and the Other Man came
to the surface they caught me in the act
CT gorging the scalded dog with my por-
ton of pie. whereat they groaned, She
throws 1t to the Dogs and Immediately
disappeared from sight again under the
water. We finally saved their lives by vows
OF contrition and agonized supplications for
more pie. which they had to swim ashore
~ pioNlue loF US. Untn we learned to hold
our tongues idle criticisms have caused
johnson and the Other Man to commit
suicide as many as ten times during a
single meal.
The excitement of this had begun to pail
upon US. when three days ago Pete, one Of
the Indians. came back from an errand to
the railroad junction across the river on
the Iowa side, bringing the intelligence that
Judge Blank has dispatched for somebody
from camp to meet him with a skiff at the
night train. The judge lived thirty miles
distant in the interior Of Iowa, and a man
from the same town, who had arrived at
camp the night previous. supplemented
Pete's news with, "Oh. yes; had forgot
ten to speak Of it: the judge told me yes
terday he was coming down today Brings
a friend. stranger to me, Col. Dash, from
Dakota"
Nobody tainted; only the Nervous Woman
made a sound. She simply screamed,
Colonel Dash; that dreadful mani" Where
upon johnson went into the house, for a
drink, l think. and the rest of us began no.
ticing the scenery.
distinctions in Husbands.
You see, the fact Is. the Woman with q
History was also visiting from Dakota
ana Colonel Dash-how shall 1 put it?-|
Colonel Dash is the mortal remains of
her later husband-I can't say late hus-
band, because 1t Is necessary to make
a distinction hotx