Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1896-05-07
MY BROTHER JOHN.
By joseph Theron.

y
man, and my age is nineteen years. As
to where I live, that is an irrelevant
question | must own that what my
friends say of my character is fairly
true; I am rather lively occasionally
and especially fond of jokes. It is in
reference to this latter capacity that
tell you this story.
If ever there was a vain, arrogant.
f-opinionated young fellow, it is my
brother John. Because he is about four
years older than myself, he lords it
over me Tor tries toy something awful
l say lords; probably ''lorded'' would
be more correct, as John has been fairly
quiet since the occurrence of what I am
about to relate
The aims and Importance that John
assumes are not small, I can assure
you. He fancies every girl he sees is
after him." according to his own idea,
he is a regular "lady-killer'- simply
Irresistible. | see you smile, but it is
perfectly true. [ believe he is so vain
that he thinks he only need propose
to the highest princess to be instantly
accepted.
For some time John had made me
very unhappy. First of all, he wanted
to know why that "Blair fellow was
SO often ''mouching' about our house
fancy and Mr.. Blair, the bankers
clerk, is, am certain, as fine a young
man as is to be seen in our town!
Secondly, he would persist in telling
me that this girl and the other, who
were my close friends, only came to
our house because, in reality, they were
latter" him!
[ got tired of it all at last, and de-
termined to teach him a lesson on the
quiet. I knew he read the matrimonial
advertisements in the weekly paper
very regularly, and had a shrewd sus-
picion that he had once answered one;
for [ knew John was after marrying
some one who had money, if he pos
sibly could. since our family was not
Cverburdened with that necessary arti-
Gle of everyday life.
It was, therefore, with much pleasure
that / beheld John, on the following
Saturday, eagerly scanning the sub
joined advertisement:
Matrimony-A young orphan lady,
age %, fair, tail, and considered very
progressing, wishes to correspond
with good-looking gentleman of
about the same age; money not neces-
sary on his part, as she has about S25,-
900 in the bank, besides an annual in
come of $4,000 from property Apply,
in first instance, inclosfng photo (strict-
ly confdentiaD, to K 33, Times office,
Doncaster.
Under the pretence Of having some
business letters to write, John was very
busy in his room all the evening; and
[ smiled quietly to mys, If when, later
ON, [ saw one amongst them directed to
K. 80, as above. My pleasure and ex-
element were not lessened when, on
the following Tuesday morning, there
was a letter came from D0ncaster for
John Bateman, Esq, and written in a
nice female hand.
Now, how | know what was in these
letters, and what happened, you viii
learn afterwards; suffice it to go on
with my story.
My brother John was to meet this
apparently very desirable young lady
at Doncaster Station, on the up-plat-
FORM at half-past seven on the follow
ing Thursday evening. She would be
known by wearing striped silk hand
kerchief of particular colors and a red
rose in her bodice, whilst he was to
wear white tie with blue spots and
white rose in his coat.
[ am not likely to forget for some
time how careful and punctilious John
was on that evening in dressing.
Everybody in the house and everything
seemed in his way, or out of sorts,
somehow. He got into an awful rage
because, whilst he was fastening his
shirt-neck, his collars fell on the
floor and rolled under the bed. He got
down on his hands and knees, striking
matches and cropping about in vain
endeayor to find it, At last he had to
come downstairs and send Sarah, the
servant, for another stud. Whilst
waiting for her return, he abused us
all, right and left, for being responsible
for the mishap, saying that the holes
in button-holes, I mean-were
as big as a halfpenny, and all those
other wild things which, as you doubt
less know, men do say in such cir
cumstances. Later on he went into
another frenzy because his cuffs. so he
declared, were not stiff at all, but cas-
soft as putty" whereas the truth was
he knocked his arm against the room
door on entering, and quite doubled the
cuff up which, of course, necessitated
his returning and putting on another
pair
Naturally, to my mother and father,
all this fuss and noise were quite I'M
explainable and annoying; to me and
my sister Martha it was the deepest
enjoyment, only we had to laugh quiet
ly, so to speak, or John would have
been simply awful
No sooner had my bro her got well
off to the station than Martha and my
self, arrayed ourselves in as Disgusting
garments as possible, and did likewise.
We took good care to keep we'll out of
Johns sight, you may be sure, and, as
be was at the station at least twenty
minutes before the train set off fer
Doncaster, we had ample time to effect
our plans. We simply went past the
Great Northern Station-whither John
Io1 IN hn Midland