Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-05-21


Heat expands and cold contracts; but
there are exceptions. Coal and gas
bills are larger In winter than In sum-
mer.--Norristow Herald. $3.50
Dukane-I never believe the things
hear In barber shop. Gaswell-Why
not? Dukane-It is all hair-say.-
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Louise, where does the Intellectual .
exercise come In In playing whist?'
'Oh, In getting other people to pay at
tention to the game."-Chicago Record.
Mother-No, Bobby; money doesn't
| make folks happy-but I'll tell you
what does. Bobby know, ma; it's
the stuff what you get with it.--Judge.
"Don't you think that Charity Is
queer title for your new book?" "Not
at all. Charity begins at home, you
know."-Philadelphia, North American.
Mrs. wickwire1- Why don't you cxer
wash your face? Dismal Dawson
Don't want the sun TO- git q chance
to Spite me complexion. indianapolis
Journal. - nooa oAs1 &C
".After all, man is generous being"
| Eyes, he Is; / never saw a husband
yet who wouldn't let some other man
teach his wife to ride a wheel.'-Chi-
cago Record.
To Fit the Appetite.-"What do you
charge for boardT do you ride q
bicycleY Eyes; what difference does
that maker 4'ItIl be 81 more a week.
Chicago Record.
Reporter-Here's bit Of news that
Is scoop. City Editor-What Is It?
Reporter-The shovel manufacturers
have formed q trust.-Philadelphia
North American.
| Hipsen-Layson is the LATEST man
I know. Juggfes-Is that so? Hipsop
Yes. Why, that man won't even
carry life Insurance. = Philadelphia
North American.
Doctor" said the anxious mother,
civilian can hardly speak above a
whisper" Indeed? Has he taken
cold, or did he go to the ball gamer
Washington Star
Generally That's the Hardest of
| Work.-"Uncle Tom, what is executive
ability?" cts knowing how to make
other people work without doing any
thing urself."-Chicago Record.
1t is not the proper thing to say that
a man will make good husband. 1t
10 the wife who makes the good hus-
| band. The bad ones only are the self
made artlcle-Boston Transcript.
He-"You should not worry so much
about dress. Set your mind on higher
things" She-''I had set my mind on
higher things than you seem willing
to buy for me. "-Indianapolis Journal.
He-"Oh, dear! wish / could get
hold OF some good biscuits like mother
used to make for mev' She-"And /
wish could get some good clothes like
father used to buy for me."-Indianap-
oils Journal
"The trees are leaving" remarked
Mrs. Snaggs. Nevertheless, they are
not packing their trunks" replied Mr..
Snaggs, who objected to his wife's
coined Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
ITS terrible" he said, ito see the
way one member of Congress after an
other gets unseatcd." We'll" his wife
answered, lit serves them right for
giving in to the bicycle craze --Kansas
| City Star.
Lieut.. Per-'I am afraid you couldn't
stand the rigor Of an Arctic expedi-
ton. You never have been on one be-
fore, have your Travole-"No. but I
have spent winter in an English
| hotel."-Life.
Marry that-that-- She hesitated.
No word seemed strong enough to
adequately express her contemp..
why, marry that-thing? Marry a
man that rides tricycle?r-washing
ton Evening Times
| Robbie, you are perfectly awful to-
day; and just when grandma is visit
ing us, toor wen, ma, it's only to
please You. You told me the other day
that you thought I kept my good man.
ners for visitors only."-Harper's .Ba-
| Ear.
But why did you refuse Prof. Grueb-
ling, Miss Melanief He is such an able
and noted mathematician" That's
just the reason! He would always be
automatically demonstrating the
errors of my miIliner's bills."-Humor-
istiche Blaetter.
| Il suppose when you were In the
| White Mountains last summer you en-
joyed the echoes very much?" "No,
| didn't. / went to hear them with
Charlie Hillard, and when they repeat
ed what he said they really bored me
very much. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Courtier-"Has your majesty read
the History of the Sixteenth Dynasty
by the royal historian? 1t Is master.
piece" The King Of Essvpt-"Truly Il
| is, but he ought to boil 1t town. II IL
long enough to cover three pyramids,
and he knows can't spare him more
than one."-Truth.
| Mrs. Wurrey Ito police eaptain)-
"Have you found any trace of my boy?
/ He's been away all day, and can't
find out anything as to his where
abouts." Police Captain-"Rest easy,
madam. Describe the boy and wen
send man down to the continuous per-
formance theater ut once and get him
for you."-Roxbury Gazette.
| Richest Man I'm the World.
Mr.. John b. Robinson of South Afri-
| ca Is said to be the richest man In the