Eagle River Democrat. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1893-1896, 1896-08-03
FACTS AND FANCTES.


Lcuise-"The bishop looked rather
Isabel-.|Well, no wonder; everyone of
the bridesmaids had-f on bigger sleeves
than he had. "-Tid-Bits
Come. dear, kiss my cheek and make
it up she said, forgivingly.
"I'll kiss it, he answered, but l don't
think it wants any more making up
Tid-Bits.
Those Hotel Bills-- Winkle-"What
did the landlord do when you complained
about the leak in theitpofY'
Snodgrass-"He chaEged me for a
bath"
He told her he had lost his heart,
AS he gaZed in her lovely eyes;
But alas! the cruel maid answered:
why don't you ADVERTISE?
-Up-to-Date
In France a man can put away his
wife if she goes on the stage without his
consent Only think of it! Why, in this
country a woman can go upon the stage
without anything on her worth mention
ing.
Mrs. Sweetser- George, y0ca forgot
to kiss me this morning when YOU went
away"
Mr.. Sweetses- care you sure of it? I
certainly remember KISSING somebody
this morning. | supposed it was you,
but. you say it wasnitg so ut unjust have
been somebody else"
-"Grandpa, tell me STORY
Grandpa-"Once upon e. tlMe, before
people thought of marrying for mooney
Willie-''Oh! | don't mean a fairy sto-
."-NorristoNvn Herald.
A little 4-year-old occupied AN upper
berth in the sleeping car. Awakening
once i'm tine middle of the might his moth
er asked him if he knew where he was.
"Tourse L do" he replied. I'm in the
top drawer" Youth Companion.
"'He's your first cousin, isn't hep said
an old lady to 6-yeaI-old Freddy, allud-
ing to a new baby, of whom Freddy was
very fond.
ooh, no. replied Freddy, "a had two
cousins before he wsfs BORN.
Tommy" Say Mollie, l wish l had
10 cents to get some candy with.
M0llie-"Go and askii father who So
crates was and what is meant by the
differential calculus. He's got company
and I shouldn't wonder if he gave you
a quarter Boston Transcript.
II often wonder Just what she thinks
of me- said the young married man.
1T is easy to find ioprt," said the elder
ly married man. "@Just sit down on her
hat and she viii tell you what she thinks
of YOU in less than "a minWte. INDIAN
apolis Journal ca1e
Bobby, what age you SO unhappy
about?'' 4
I'm mad cause We amt got no big
family. Over at Billy Hopkins house
he's got two gran mas an three aunts
ter help him git hissown way.'-Chicago
Record -eta
How did Blinkers so easily win Miss
Goldmore's hearth
-He sent her eighteen roses on her
twenty-seventh birthday. -Tid-Bits.
Rich Old Bachelor rs that your
daughter in the drawing room, singing?"
Designing Mother-''Yes, dear child;
she's only killing time.
'!Well she ought TO have no trouble
in doing it with that. voice. Answers.
Squire Ito gardener QWho has been to
London by excursion) --''And what did
you think of the metropolis, Adams?'
AdamS-'Beg pardon, gZur" Squire
How do you like the metropolis p
Adams 'Twarn't open, zur.'-Pick-
Me-Up.
Beverly says he knows his wife real
~ loves him.
what does he go by p
'They have been married three months
and she has never yet taken his razor to
sharpen her lead pencilH- Chicago Rec
ord. 4xsfx.
A Blessing -Watts-'.It seems rather
sad that the old prophets had to die be-
fore their prophecies were fulfilled"
Potts. think it was good thing:
Just hink what nuisances they would
have made Of themselves going about
and saying L told you, So "-Indianapo-
lis Journal. a;irg
Farmer-''That was a good number of
the Mudthorpe Gazette you got out last
week.
Country Editor 81 am glad to hear
that you were pleased with it,
Farmer-'Them stories you had in
about them folks bein' cured of long
standin' diseases were the entertaining
est bits of news I've 5read for a long
while. Ill
A Pattern of Cleanliness.-Mrs. A
"Mrs. Brown is an extremely tidy sort
Of person, don't you think ?''
Mrs. B.-"I should think she was! The
other day burglar got into her house.
and the first thing she did was to ask
the man if he had wiped his feet on the
matl'' ga
Modern Maid-'1 wish you'd give me
Old Lady Certainly, my dear. What
is it? Is
Modern Maid 'Shall / marry man
whose tastes are the opposite of mine
and quarrel with hin12 or shall I marry
man whose tastes FaHthe same as mine,
and get tired of him =
Fame" said Uncle Eben, cam jes' like
swingin' in er hanmick. Hit am mighty
good fun eff somebody doan cut de
Not Satisfied.-"St. Peter. what allied
that crowd that came up to the gates
and went away just noW?' ooh, they
were wheel cranks and wouldn't come in
because we didn't have asphalt pave
ments. Chicago Record.
The kissing Post.