Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-01-12
N DEFENCE OF DOGS.
M Idlsr Eloquently Pleads in Behalf
Of RicnmOrd's CANNES.
,,,,,rurr,,Ly EQUIPPED JAIL
ministers, NO" Is Your '"""'
prize. In the Matrimonial '0'
r.,rto,,c Ola Lady Who Loves
virginia.
Virginia.

Virginia.
.-,... ,o wise man TO see that the
Nth which tho Dispatch eai'or
.a.cn,lv pulled his vest was OF pvoa
20 ,rs,.ostiblo sort for last IuesuSs
-.,no out ia a most iraie ar0c'e y"
14e quotes facts and figures "nio"
r,,, research, but withal' de-
'1 ~ rreiudico that deeply pains pi'
- wood. Were I wag enough 10
,ts edltor's statistical tale, "ouio
80 10 dlstort the alarming iacts INTO
,-e frivolous statement; but there
Going behind the mathematics nc
TO says Richmond's canine
-.,,,,i,, numbers about GOO. and that
~. citizens raise Cain, ana doh
,,ro until morning. thereby max
N ,-e, bideo,,s. How he knows
,bev fail TO reach their domiciies until
Aurora unts the skies with matuunai
a., more than I can tell. unless he,
80 nntn that hour is engaged in be-
s..rirr the town with similar tints. And
+, forsooth this be so, what guar
,,too have wo that he does not see
double?
lie speaks with bitterness-unspeak-
.bo Eusom salts bitterness-because the
objects OF his rabid hatred and the
.orrees of his oisconcerting Indigestion
,o forth unmuzzlod and with capacious
gngs And yet he sayeth not Word
concerning certain other animals thal
might well be muzzled. and whose iangs
likewise are quite capaclous, as the iree-
lunch counters will attest
with a 'qurid glare Of double-leaded.
TYPOGRAPHICAL scorcher. this same edl'or
urges that the dog-catching Industry be
Increased and renewed with redoubieu'
foe-destructive deadliness lie depre-
Gates the eclat and publicity with which
the slaughter of the innocents has
hitherto been conducted. and urges that
he Office Of city dog-catcher be made
I. permanent fob. the duties of which
must be never-ceasing He suggests.
with a cold. stcely glitter in his eye
(which even his editorial reflects, that
this producer OF premature sausage
should. with an aiie-de-camp sneak quiet
lv around the town and kidnap the vic
Tins unawares. on. on, on, TO the hungry
Jaws ~ the crematory he would hurry
them. even as the ancients hurried their
vlctimr 90 the voracious Minotaur. He
forCets, 90 his logged persistency and
ruthless vengeance, that there is another
crematory. where bipeds. too will be
served on the half-shell And yet, though
be- has STEPPED his pen in venom, he
las not completely lost his sense OF d.
p'omacy, for he makes conciliatory ut
terances concerning the CANNES that wear
medals. These he pats more gently. To-
wards them he losses a few editorial
bones. for he thinks they ought to be
barred from the dog-catchers-not barred
by them. This. follow-citlzens, is class
legislation. lie would place the Franklin
street bulldozer on higher pedestal
aud exempt him from the horrors Of a
direful fate. These he would allow
TO wag their aristocratc tails in peace
and comfort while the hea-hunting
cczema-affiicted representatives Of my
own dear Cary street must meet death
and eternal fire at the crematory. a
howl Of protestauon arises at his would
be dog-goned scheme Public sentiment
IS whirling like a hurricane against his
whskers. Everywhere we hear the ques-
ton.
And shall the bow-wows die?'
Then thrice two thousand po'-white dogs
shall know the reason whyr
Tho correspondent of your paper at CO.
morn. King George county. whose breezy.
newsy letters have often demanded my
iapt attention, is a man Of enthusiasm
and sentiment. He has an eye for the
beautiful that IL much to be envied, not
only by those wearing spectacles. but by
pesSimists In general. In a recent issue
he describes the newly-erected jail In the
following lar guage THE brand-new Jail
n this county. with its cosey. sombre
coils and picturesque halls. is no longer
without occupants" etc. When l read
mis- J was seized with an irresistible de-
sire 20 get board in that Jail. The de-
hclipuon Of its "cOscy. sombre cells"
and picturesque halls was so alluring
that my family had to restrain me from
forthwith embarking for King George.
with the purpose of getting in that jail
an easy thing TO do. l understand. Here.
in this sweet spot, l could find comfort
and peace, and could revel Ia an aesthetic
atmosphere and dream Of poetic things.
Here, too. through the windows of my
''c0sey. sombre cells" l might some day,
perchance, sec them erecting a neat. COM
moGious. well-equipped gallows. with
every modern convenience, and q grace
Jul stairway leading up thereto. If Fate
IS ever so generous as to afford me the
privileges OF the attractive hosiery al
uded TO ] shall consider myself blessed.
And n, while there, | see chance to
tvail myself OF neat, cOmmOdious we'll
EQUIPPED gallows, with modern convent
snces. ] shall certainly seize the oppor-
UNITY. thereby getting it in the north
lrn neck"
Since l come 10 think about Il, I guess
the "Comorn correspondent IS a woman.
! don't believe a man could ind out as
many things as she Cor he) does. Her (or
ain t.t.. a.
any rate, here's TO you, "Comorn Core
tpondent" May you live long and pros
per ana may your new Jail never be less
cosey or less picturesque!
mrs Is the one year in every four when
iossilized splnsters are allowed 10 enter
the ring for matrimonial prizes. and TO
assume tho aggressive in affaires du
coucr. They will not be backward in
coming forward Already they have be-
sun their misunderstanding campaign. l.
even i, have been approached. despite
the fact that j am not pOlygamous In nv
tendencies. and despite the further fact
That when Utah was recently admitted
as State she made a constitutional pro-
vision allowing men only one wife My
last mail brough me a dainty specimen
or spencorian chirography, which would
raise the thermometer forty degrees al
home we're II discovered when my pock-
cts are subjected TO the nightly search
ms process Says the billet-doux, after
much expenditure OF ink and few
aoortive efforts at English grammar:
Il come, o. fair. fragile slim. and dainty
one, 70 tell thee Of the young (green)
affection that with much ado about no.
tning) poureth itself out upon and about
thee-dont get drowned IN the fiood-and
pleads for tender words OF requital. Thee
nave j long adorcd in secret, In silence,
md tears" Here the nice, juicy CORE
~9ondent burles me in deluge OF