Fisherman & farmer. [volume] (Edenton, N.C.) 1887-19??, 1896-10-09
POWERFUL SPEECH BY HON.
CALAMITY HOWLER.
Bro. GardQer Will Run.
And if Elected President Will
do the Best he Can.

situation. The orator was the
only man III the country who
ever threw a railroad train off
the track by being run over, and
the letters &C. w. A" after his
name stood for "Champion
Watermelon Anninilator." He
had been known to sit down Oh
the grass with seven large
watermelons grouped around
him, and at the end of an hour
to get up and wonder what had
become of them. Shindig Wat
son who always had an epileptic
fit whenever political address
is delivered, was ordered to tie
wet rag around his head and sit
near an open window.
THE ORAToR-DID COLUMBUS
MAKE A MISTAKE
The Hon. Calamity was full
Of business clear down to his
toes as he entered the hall. The
idea had been to create a negro
10 feet high and weighing 200
pounds, but nature had changed
her program and made two
darkies five feet tall and weigh
ing 100 pounds each. Calamity
lived, but the other one pinned
and died. The orator was bald
headed, and had pair Of ears
Oh which derby hats could be
hung, and all his back teeth
were visable when he opened
his mouth. He removed his
shoes and stood for a moment in
his stocking feet staring straight
ahead of him.
"You hev but to read an to
listed to know what de situashun
am" said the orator, after vigor-
ously scratching the palm of his
left foot. "Pollytics runs de
kentry-an' look at pollytics I!
De Republicans, de Democrats,
de Silverites, de Populists, de
Laborites, de Womanites, an
de coloredites hev all got tickets
in de field, an three or four more
comm. CHEERS tor Bro. Gard
ner.) Folks am yellin' fur gold,
silver, paper an all sorts OF
money. Some want de tariff
busted up, an some want 1t
lowered down. De rich man is
wantin' dis, de poor man want
in dat, an nobody am Willin'
to gin de odder man a show.
CHEERS on general principals. }
De belt has slipped off de big
drive wheel, an befo' dat wheel
stops dar am guine to be crash
It's been easy nufft to sot all dis
goin', but de danger will come
when election day, comes. De
folks who git left am guine tc
feel hurried in DER feel1n's, an
Just one boot will start a row
dat will make America tremble
CHEERS for rows.) If l Wa:
ridin' an old blind newl along
de aige of a precipice On a dark
night l couldn't feel mo- skerry
dan I do now. De VERY life O
Republic am at stake, all df
hands of de men who built 1t up
ain de ones most anxious to pull
it down. (Cheers for mules ane
precipices.) l am no alarln1st
but tell you dat America wa
nebber befo' in sica fix as yol
see her to-day. an if she man
ages to pull frew it will be
matter of wonder to all.
THE CoLoRED MANS DUTY.
Il speak to Brudder Gardner
Sir Isaac Walpole, Giveadan
tones an odder Guild men c
America" said the orator. g
speak only to men OF our race
We am a side issue. Dis am
white mans row, an we am no
ia it. We won't say muffin, bu
we'll saw wood right along. LIE
de Guild folks in cherry city
town an hamlet in de land OF
ganize. but keep quiet, Don
90 whoopin' around, an don
waste time in argument WI
white folks. Look out tc
chickens same as befo. Sot o
de fence an talk bout de weatf
er, an pear to be keerless al
uuconcerned. Trow de whit
man off his guard, but be read
tur him, an when lection da
arrives let 10000 black me
walk up to de polls an deposit
ballot for Brudder Gardne
lTerrifc demonstrations, durln
which the speaker retired an
Elder Penstock was knocke
down with cucumber.)
THE BEST HE CAN
Vigorous and persistent cal
for Brother Gardner brougf
him to the front. He said thu
he had sometimes felt as if h
would like to be President
the United States and have tr1e
potatoes and porterhouse stea
for breakfast, and a hired ma