The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-28
LOOKING FOE MARK TWAIN.
Man who Followed His Advice and
NOW Hungers For Revenge.

A 1Ean who Followed His Advice and
Now Hungers For Revenge.
Many innocent people viii remember an
article upon railway travel written by one
Mark Twain and published some time ago
in an influential magazine. In it he sug-
gested a plan By which the passenger could
obtain courtesy and other things from the
railway officials with whom he was thrown
in contact on his wanderings The plan
was simplicity itself. It was merely TO
claiman acquaintance with one of the high
officials of the road and demand something
better than Al in the matter Of treat
ment. The plan struck me as being good
one. Mark said he used it himself with
unfailing success. and ever since / heard
the story of the jumping frog I have be-
ijeved that it would be utterly impossi-
Bile for Mark to tell lie Consequently I
determined 60 use it on the first possible
occasion.
Now, it happens that do not travel
much, but short time ago business took
me from New York to Chicago. When
purchased my ticket at the Grand Central
station, I murInured these magic words to
the clerk, Il am a warm personal friend Of
Mr.. Depew's. y The clerk smiled, but said
nothing. However, the smile was encour-
aging at q time when needed encourage
ment. The fact is I N not much of a liar
myself. Any Of my friends viii tell you
that was just a trifie disappointed,
though I had expected a considerable re
duction in the rate if not pass from that
ticket seller. And the fellow not only gave
me the exnct change, but he worked off
counterfeit half dollar on me. Perhaps
he thinks I'm so rich won't notice mere
half dollar, p reasoned with myself NO
doubt ali Mr. Depew's warm personal
friends are rich. - I passed on to the seller
of the sleeping car tickets undismayed.
"a ;, IA
Lower ber6hs all sold, sir. Have an
upper
But, my good man, p I suggested, Mr..
W. Seward Webb-Sew, as I call him-isa
first cousin of mine.
ooh, / meet lots of Mr. Webb's cousins, -
said the clerk. In fact, he has issued or
ders disowning all his cousins, male and
female. = left the window IN high dudg
con. I don't know what s9dudgeon" is
but have often heard the expression.
made my way to the Chicago sleeper
The porter asked for my ticket, but 1 told
him / would buy one from the conductor.
'tI'm a warm personal friend and bust
ness associate Of Depew's, = said / soto
voce. There's another term I Wot not Of
except that it sounds well.
You're another of them, are you7' said
the porter with q chuckle and giving me
dig in the ribs ''Oh, meet lots OF
them" But he let me pass, and took {
There were two gentlemen IN the smok-
ing compartment, and dropped into con-
versation with them. I like my little
joke and I told them of my adventure
with the ticket sellers and the porter and
babe them watch me work the sleeping car
conductor. They were greatly amused,
and one of them said there was nothing he
liked better than a good joke. They prom
ised to stay and see the fun.
Eventually the train started, and the
sleeping car conductor made his appear
ance. My two companions preserved a dig
nihed silence. I was fearfulIy afraid they
would grin ahead of time and thus give mo
away, but they behaved admirably. They
acted though they had never spoken a
word to me in their lives.
A lower berth TO Chicago said non
chalantly.
Lower berths all gone. sir. One upper
left. VIII you have that?''
Certainly not, y I answered with some
asperity. 4 am an intimate friend and
business associate of DR.. Depew's. If do
not get a lower berth on this train, he
shall most certainly near OF it.
81 ara very sorry began the conduct
or But did not let him proceed. I saw
that I was making an impression, and I
determined to strike while the iron was
hot.
Moreover, am the favorite first cousin
of Mr.. W. Seward Webb, and he shall hear
Of it also. "
You know themP' exclaimed the con
ductor in blank astonishment.
Know them?'' said L why, we were
boys. together. They're both in Europe
now, but when they get back you'n hear
from me. -
Why-why-th is DR. Depew,' . said
the conductor, pointing to one Of the gen
tlemen in the smoking compartment, and
this is MIR. Webb. The two gentlemen
began laughing uproariously.
am man Of action, and there was but
one thing to do. I flung my bag through
the window of the flying train and jumped
out after it.
But the worst I have not told to you.
have since learned that Depew and
Webb we're actually in Europe at the time
The conductor had simply called my bluff
and made a bigger one.
But If ever ] meet Mark Twain under
the circumstances enumerated above pray
for him.=IOm Hall in Truth.