Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-01-16

Her reasons were most frank;
She weighed me In the lhnlunce land
/ had none at the bank.
New York Herald. fs2
Hoax-"Why do You call Col. War
BLUFFS wife peach? She's not hand
some" Joax-"No; but she gets around
the kernel so easily and naturally
Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Waggles--"D your hus-
band suffer dreadfully with rheuma-
tism?" Mrs. Wiggles-"Yes, but it's
nothing to what the rest Of US have to
endure."-Somervill Journal.
Fuddy-"Hello, there's Boojum over
there. Wonder II that is his wife with
him." Duddy-"Of course not. Don't
you see that he is carrying all the par
cels"-Boston Transcript
"How do you sell this music papery
asked the customer at the stationery
store. 'T'm not certain about It," said
the new clerk, "but think we sell 1t by
the choir. Chicago Tribune.
The gay cravat which she selected
Will leave him soon wreck,
While he with truth remarks, detected,
'I'll get it in the neck"
Washington Star. -
"This is sad occasion for you, sis
ter" essayed the comforter. II allow
it is" assented the widow. "But it Is
a heap sadder for Bill."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Uncle Bob-"What you going to be
| when you become a man, Tommy"
Tommy-"I'm going to be a soldier, COS
then l can fight ALL want to without
being spanked for it."-Harper's Bazaar.
Junior Partner-"Why did you give
drummer the job of collecting debts
for our firm? Do you think he is any
good?" Senior Partner-"WeH, he COL
lected debt from me the other day.
Truth.
He-"Do you love me well enough to
| be my wife," She-"More than that. I
love you well enough to be your mother.
Haven't you heard that I'm going to
marry your father!"-Boston Tran
script. ~
He must be worth at least hun
dred thousand dollars, mamma." 'sEIow
do you know?" s"He told me his for
| tune ended in five ciphers. "H'm.
Maybe it begins with one, too."-Wash-
ington Star.
| "Sing heigh-ho the hollyr'
Thus sung the old-time bard
Of course he found it jolly
| Not to buy it by the yard.
Chicago Record.
Harry-What girl was that you had
III tow last evening? Willy Indignant
ly-What you are pleased to call tow
Is usually spoken Of by people of cul-
ture as blonde tresses.-Boston Traus.
cript.
Bobble-Father will be down in a mo-
ment. Have cigar? Won Blumer-
Are you sure these are the kind he gives
to his friends? Bobbie-Yes, sir. They
are some that mother gave hiia.-New
York Herald.
Miss Beckon-I wonder why Man
nger B. has so much trouble with
his leading lady? He never used to
have. Miss Hubb-Why, don't you
know? The idiot married her at the
end Of last season.-Boston Courier.
He woke, his sleep with trouble fraught.
And heard an awful sound. He thought
The day Of Judgment come;
Then he remembered he had bought
His little boy a drum.
| Judge.
You're a crank and theater dudev'
shouted the ferce-looking man In the
SLOUGH hat. That's what you are!
You're a dandified Pingreep I'm a
potato masher, am IY' reared the 9TH
er, lunging at him.-Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. Keep Cash-Did you write that
man who advertises to show people
how to make desserts without milk and
have them richer? Mrs. Cash-Yes, and
sent him the dollar. What did he re-
plyT use cream."-West Medford
Windmill.
Now is the time" said the patriotic
boarder, ''for some one to get ND q ma
tional air that shall be distinctly Amer
ican." Whats the matter already"
asked the Cheerful Idiot, with You
Can't Play in Our Yardr "-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
Jones-To-morrow will be the first
Sunday of the year. and 1 propose to be-
gin the new year by going to church.
Mrs. Jones-You had better take me
with you. Jones-What for? , Mrs.
Jones-You may need somebody to iden-
tify you.-Truth.
II have only myself to blame" said
Rivers, shaking the moisture from his
garments and shivering. '@rhc wealth
er man gave fair warning Il would be
fair and warmer and I came down
town with my. light overcoat and no
umbrella. Tribune.
Papa" inquired small girl at the
dinner table the other evening. whats
millionaire? Dorothy Smith said to
me to-day Your fathers a million
aire.'" What did you sag ." asked the
small girls father. -Oh, JUS said
Sos yours New York Evening Sun
"All 1 demand for my client" shout
ed the attorney. in the voice of man
who was paid for 1t, lis justicer' I'm
very sorry / can't accommodate YOU
replied the judge, ''but the law won't
allow me to give him more than four
teen years."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
t-s==-=4
An Apiary in PRISON.
The Arizona territorial prison manage
ment has embarked in a bee-keeping ex
pertinent, in which the prisoners will