davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
MARK TWAIN As A MUSICIAN.
Ho Was Never Asked to Play and 0i1S
After His First Exhibition.

Ho Was Never Asked to Play and Stag
After His First Exhibition.
The immortal humorist never lets an
opportunity slip to use his peculiar
logic-logic that was ever convincing,
and logic for which he is famous the
world over. An instance occurred
many years ago in Carson City, the cap
ital of Nevada, where Twain spent sew
eral weeks as an official in the legisla-
ture. That was long before he wrote
his celebrated jumping frog story, or
even dreamed of ''Tom Sawyer" and
"Huckleberry Finn"
one evening at the residence of Gov.
Bradley, and toward midnight, as the
amusements began to lag, some merry
idiot spread the information around
that Sam Clemens was great vocalist
and could accompany himself on the
piano. The very suggestion was sufi-
cient to induce Mrs. Bradley to c;:ll on
Twain in her most gracious manner.
II tell you, my dear madam" said
the humorist, after considerable coax
ing had been spent, "the kind of music
7 play is entirely too classical to offer at
this hour. The guests wouldn't under
stand it. I would have been glad to
entertain you at the early stage of the
festivities, but it is bad policy to play
classical music near midnight. If you
really insist will do as you wish. but
let me warn you before touch the
keys, that my music will bring forth
severe criticism from most everybody
in the room. l reiterate that it is over
their heads"
Without further argument the class
ical musician seated himself at the
piano, and, with display of gravity
that only Twain could command, began
to thump the natural C with the index
finger of his right hand. He thumped
it for nearly five minutes, and presently
remarked that the piano seemed to be
in good form and ready to stand in on a
song. He then went up an octave, and,
throwing back his head, his finger all
the time sticking to the natural G, he
sang these four words: "Go tell Aunt
Abbey-go tell Aunt Abbey - 60 tell
Aunt Abbey-go tell Aunt Abbey" He
not only stuck to his natural C, but in
termittently tossed in few minornotes
with his voice. Without changing q
muscle of his face he plunged right
ahead. Things were becoming monot-
onous. Several gentlemen held a
whispered conversation, and at: given
signal Charley de Long, ex-minister to
Japan, and ex-Gov. Nye walked over to
the piano, and, gathering Twain up,
lugged him out in the hall, where he
was dropped in heap.
His ejectment brought forth howl
of approval, but he was equal to the oc-
casion, and, taking his hat from the
rack, made low bow to Mrs. Bradley
and said coldly:
madam, I told you they wouldn't IN
derstand it, and that my playing was
over their heads. Good evening"
Illustrated American.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
Frost ~ q Pulverlxer.

Make The frost do some of the work
of pulverizing the soil. When sod
lands or soils that are difficult to reduce
are p]owed late in the fall the frost pull
verizes the Jumps and also destroys any
insects that are brought to the sur
face. The expansion and contraction
of the rough plowed land by alternate
freezing and thawing will bring it to
a fine state before spring, at which time
cross blowing will cause it to turn over
rin mellow condition for crops.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
Beware Of Olntments for Catarrh that
Contain Mercury,

as mercury will surely destroy the sense of
smell and completely derange the wholesys.
tenn when entering it through the mucous
surfaces. Such articles should never be
1sed except on prescriptions from reputable
physicians, as the damage they Will do is
ten fold to the good you can possibly de-
rive from them. Halls Catarrh Cure, man.
ufactured by F. ]. Cheney g. Co., Toledo,
O., contains no mercury, and is taken in:
tcrnally, acting directly upon the blood and
mucous surfaces OF the system. In buying
genuine. It is taken internally, and made
In Toledo, Ohio, by FL. Cheney & Co. Tes'
timonials free.
Sold by Druggists, price 75c. per bottle.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
Got the Experience.

Dukane-I don't know how you came
to lose money in that scheme. You
told me it was rare investment.
Gsswell-The investment may have
been a rare one, but was well done be
fore got through with it.-11.:ttsh'. .~t
Chronicle Telegraph.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
M!WTW
POULTRY FEEDER.

nlent IL shown in the sketch. A board,
with q rim in front, is nailed to the
wall, six inches from the floor, and
to this is hinged slat-work arrange
ment that permits the fowls to feed
through il, but will not let them get
into the food. It opens out from the top
when one is putting food upon the
board, end remains closed when shut.
American Agriculturist.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
HIS TREACAERoUS MEMORY.

Tho Mean Trick 1t Played q Lewiston
Man After a Sober Night or.
I should hate to tell you which one
of them ii was, but it happened on the
night of the MctSillicuddy banquet.
The man himself told me about it as
follows:
''A1y memory isn't very good, and
I had several things on my mind.
When l went out Tuesday night ir-
tended to come home early, but !
dropped into the spread at the Hotel
Atwood, and it was past two a. m.
when struck my doorstep. You ought
to have seen me sneak up to the front
door and tumble for my key. Ireckon
that no one ever did slicker job than
I did. l haven't been out SO late Tor
months, but I got into the hallway
without making any noise, and sat
down on the stairs and removed my
shoes. 1 learned that when was court
ing my wife. Why, have done slickcr
jobs in getting out of her house and
into mine without waking either of
the families than Spike Hennessy ever
did in his palmiest days of burglary.
I went upstairs to the chamber door
and pushed on it. It creaked some,
but it gave way and was in. ex-
pected to hear some one say: will,
is that you?' but no one did, although
1 fancied I heard the soft breathing
of my wife. I didn't light the gas. Not
I. 1 slipped off my clothes; decided
not to wind my watch for fear of its
click; found my robe de mutt, slipped
into it, and edged around to my side of
the bed. Then calmly and steadily
and deity slipped in.
II was alone!
"She was gone!
"And then 1 remembered that she
had been away two days, and I had
known it all the time, if had only
stopped to think.
'Sobcr?'
Certainly I was. hadn't drank a
thing but spring water and Worcester
shire sauce."-Lewiston journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
Very Great When She Fills . Hand,

Very Great When She Fills Hand.
The teacher was going over the good
old story of King Solomon and his
wisdom:
"Now, denrs, who was the great
queen who travelled so many miles aud
miles to see the king?''
Silence prevailed in the class.
"Why, you do know, all of you The
queen who came to see the king"
The name had been forgotten by the
class. In order to help them the kind
but misguided teacher began to offer a
little assistance.
"You do know, I am sure. The name
begins with S, and she was a very great
queen"
Just then up shot a little hand, and
out spoke the triumphant voice of the
little auburn haired girl:
II know, it was the queen of spades"
Odds and Ends.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
Physicians Wise In Their Generation.

The above class Of scientists recognize
and have repeatedly borne testimony, to the
efficacy Of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters as
remedy and preventive OF fever and ague
rheumatism, want Of vigor, liver complaint
and some other ailments and intirm con
ditions of the system. Experience and Oh
servation have taught them its value. They
but echo the verdict long since pronounced
by the public and the press. Only the be-
nighted now are ignorant OF Americas
tonic and Alternative.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

DON'T Neglect Cough. Take Some Hale's
Honey of Horehound and Tar trastdnter.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
That joyful Feeling

With the exhilarating sense of renewed
health and strength and internal cleanliness,
which follows the use of Syrup of Figs, is
unknown to the few who have not pro.
gressed beyond the old-time medicines and
the cheap substitutes sometimes offered but
never accepted by the weh,informed.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

GOULD not get along without Piso's Cure
&c. MorLroN, Needham, Mass. Oct. 22, vi
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

Mr. CR1MsoNBEAK--s'Do you think, m,
dear, that the time will ever come when tn
men will do the cooking7" Mrs. Crimson
beak-"Not in this world, John. "-Yonker
ktntosman
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

"D1oBY tells me he Years his wife is the
victim of wasting disease" "What is
it3' "Bargain counter '-Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

WHEN bilious or costive, eat Cascaret,
canoy cathartic, cure guaranteed, 10c, Csc.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
FEEDING ARRANGEMENT.

It Prevents Hens from Solling Their Food
or Themselves.
When hens are fed in open dishes,
they will persist in getting into their
food, eoiling it and themselves. A
handy and clearly feeding arrange
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

AFTER THE "RAzzLE. "-"Brace up, old
! man. III have to be of, or my wife won't
speak to me when I get home" "Luclsy
dog. Mine-hic IN talk to me all night"
Sydney Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

"UNcLE SIMON, what is the luxury of
woe2" Luxury Of woel Why, 1t is the
diamonds widow buys when her husband
has been dead two months. "-Chicago
Record
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
-Te1Jaoc.

In tho Agricultural line, Texas leads oil
other states in the variety Of its products
Cotton, corn and the cereals grow and are
raised in every section of the state and In
The central and southern portions sugar
cane and sorghum are profitably cultivated:
On the Gulf Coast two and three crops OF
vegetables are raised each year. Berries are
shipped six weeks in advance OF the home
crop in the north. Pears, peaches, plums,
oranges, figs, olives and nuts all grow album
dainty and can be marketed from two TO
three weeks in advance Of the California
crops. Large quantities OF rice are now
II the land seeker, the home seeker and
the settler desires to secure farm larger
than the one be occupies, on vastly more
reasonable terms; II he wants more land TO
cultivate, a greater variety OF crops TO
harvest, with proportionately increased re-
muneration, at q less outlay for cost OF pro-
duction; If he wants an earlier season with
correspondingly higher prices; II he wants
milder winters, all the year pasturage i0r
his stock, improved health, increased bodily
comforts and wealth and prosperity ne
should go to Texas.
Send for pamphlet descriptive Of the re-
sources of this great state (ma1led 1ree).
Low rate Homeseekers excursions via tne
Missouri, Kansas Il Texas Railway on NOV.
3rd and 18th, Dec. LIST and 18th, 1896. d. a;
CHERRlER. Northern Passenger Agent, 3l6
Marquette Building, Chicago.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

WHEN girls two lovers call on the same
evening she naturally feels that her COM
pany is two menuy.-Bing hamton Leader.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

Too close pasturing is ruinous to the
pasture. It u throwing away money,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

CENTER shots are what tell, one bullet in
the bulps-eye is worth ten that just miss it.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

TIE best of us owe more to chance than
we are willing to admit.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
FOR SMOKING MEATS.
How to 1mprovise Suitable House in Z
Few Moments,

Few Moments.
The approach of the season when
meats are usually preserved by smolS'
ing, calls up suggestions in regard to
this subject. One plan is illustrated
herewith. Where one has but a few
pieces of meat to smoke, q smokehouse
may be improvised in few moments
by taking two empty barrels and ar
ranging them in the manner shown in
the cut. In the side Of the lower bar.
rel is cut an opening, in which an old
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

"You," shouted the long; lean man, "you,
ain't9 retorted the short, fat man. "Elec.
TONS over, amt it7'-Indianapolis journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

Our New Gear. Turned Bearings.
This WASHER sSuiPpe6 wt:n our new gs.s nna
Our "Nev American" possesses 2 new end n3 ,sI
corrugations radiate from the center of the tub
over the entire surface Of the thus nsurng
nails are al galvanized. No l077 A. Weight Is lbs
Each. 8 .66.
Sample Prices from CATALOGUE NO. IS
and GROCERY LIST NO. 81,
Which are nov ready, and re YIN send t. e yo9
REQUEST YOU TO send us. when asking for one.
the auountit costs us TO pay the postage which Is
2 cents.
Heating. Stoves, n.s7, Single Buggy Harness
fSl7; Swell Body Cutters. sN.55; Team Bobs. ssN:
89V; Cook stoves. S3I5; Eickle Alarm Clocks. 45c;
Double Breasted Ulstef1, &75.
SQUARE PATTERN WESTERN WASHER.
Our New Gear. Turned Bearlngs.
This Washer ts made from carefully selected Kiln
The material. workmanship, design and nnish are
al unsnrpassed: Equipped with our new gear H. .,
lbs. 81 .66.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

CRUMMER-"Nothing impresses me more
1.-THE greatness of littleness impresses me
more. Nothing can be more profound than
the observations Of unimportant men,
Truth
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

JUST try 10c box Of Cascarets, the finest
liver and bowel regulator ever made.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
HOME REPAIRING OUTFIT.
No.1 e. Ak

We don't think, We know that We have in our ns1-
iron lasts and homo repairing outfits, the nestees
The market An these tools are full sized p5Hssis.1
person 70 do SIS own half selne. boot shoe. Inbec5
harness and !nware repaiEing Fo!lGWxinc Is 2 -
h.ss Iron La Last III l.G t Last s fi1s
Wire ciinch NslIsji sts65ipps IA. sc%Pissei
ens ec.te Hssshe1 Gemens ana
cls%P Ss!l W,x; bail Shoe THREAD &,p eSksss.
Nails; 6pairs Star Heel Plates; Lab. COPPER nv
cts and Burrs; ! Steel Punch; lsewtnk Awl &C.,
bunch BIistles; Harnsss Needles; I sold1sSe.
Solder; ! Directions ier use. The weight eStl
OUTFIT Is 10 lbs Price, all complete, nicely lA6ooo
and packed in g neat, strong box
MRS. POTTS SAD IRON.
lOl5 A. Extra walnut handles each lie; do0o0. -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

How TINE flies from the date on which q
man distinguishes himself
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
HOLIDAY EXCURSIONS
70 vlreinis and North Carolina.

70 virginia and North Carolina.
In the months Of November and Decem.
Der Homeseeker's excursion tickets will be
sold from all points west and northwest to
Virginia and North Carolina at one fare plus
500 for the round trip. For excursion
rates and dates address u. L. TRUlrT, N.
w. p. A., Big Four, G. & o. Route, 2S4 Clark
st., Chicago, Ill.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
At Tobacco Spit and Smoke Your Life
Away.

If YOU want to quit tobacco using easily
and forever, be made well, strong, magnetic,
full Of new life and vigor, take No-To-Bac,
the wonder-worker that makes weak men
Over Zoo, 90 cured. Buy No:To-Bac from
your own druggist, who will guarantee q
cure. Booklet and sample mailed free: Ad.
Sterling Remedy Co., Chicago orNew York.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

A DIscovERY.-"1've discovered some
thing the most fractions broncho can't
throw" ''What's that2" "KisseS."-C
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19
HOME REPAIRING OUTFIT.
...>. No. z. IS cents.

Consisting Sf !? nrst class tools ana ma,e1a1s Vi;
in:; Iron STANDARD With base: package Assorted
SIS Wire Clincb Nails: package 60 W:re Cline b
Nailsj l.2 doz pair Star Heel Plates: sewing ~.
Awl: eempleiei shoe Knife: Shoe Hammer;
hail Wax; bali Shoe Thread; bunch Brisues:
Harness Needles.
ILLUMINATING OILS,-Kerosene Oils.
prices on the following Oils subject to market
changes. we make no extra charge for barrels;
barrels contain 81 gallons: Per Gal.
TS3 A, Prime White Kerosene .............. Oy0eA
S2s1 A. Water White Kerosene ................. 091
SSoi A. Headiiehl Kerosene .,,,,,,,,.,..... .i05<
50; A. Eocene Kerosene NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. .ilk
spS A. 4 degrees deodoTiled Stove Gasoline. QaX
FL 4. Turpertine Observation-Disclosures. 36X
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1896-11-19

0ls A. Extra walnut handles, each lie; ooss1. ~
0l9 A. No IS, extra polished, set. .............s
0S3 A. No. SO. nickel plated; per ees............
O67 A. Common sad irons; Per h.. ~
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-13

it. The brain at once feels the strengthen
ing effects of the superb nutriment. There
are thousands OF men and women to-day
who have been enabled to keep vigorously
at work, who must have given up but for
-Paine's celery compound.
Nervous affections are warning to busy
people.
At the earliest sign of reduced nerve
force, inability to sleep, languor or
gloomy habit of mind, every one should
look Immediately to the nutrition of their
nervous system and to the purity of their
blood. Paine's celery compound will at
tend to both OF these urgent needs more
thoroughly and more speedily than any
thing else in the world. Paine's celery
compound is not to be confounded with
the common preparations, the sarsaparilas
and nervines. Being the discovery of
man of science, Prof. Edward E. Phelps,
Md, LID, of Dartmouth College, it has
the support of the best physicians. They
prescribe it universally, and the many
sick persons made well by its use proves
that that support is merited.
To the great ma iorty OF business men a
vacation, to say nothing of three months
OF complete inactivity, is out of the ques-
tion at this season, even when their brains
demand complete rest and their nerves
ache and threaten them with prostration.
Now, there are hundreds of business men
and hard worked professional men IN this
city in just this condition. What are they
to do? Those who are tired-out, run
down" and debilitated at this trying sea-
son will do well to read some of the
straightforward and convincing state
ments from the men and women who have
been cured by Paine's celery comp pound.
Nervous weakness vanishes before
Paine's celery compound as mist before
the strong, health-glving rays of the sun.
Convince yourself of the fact at once, if
your health is at all llimpaired.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-13
NEW BICLORAMA.
Opening Of the Old Panorama as an
Elegant Riding Academy.

Elegant Riding Academy.
Great interest was aroused among
cyclists yesterday by the opening of the
new Rambler BicIorama at the corner of
Market and Tenth streets.
The blclorama occupies the whole ro-
tunda that was once the panorama. and it
is fitted up with all the comforts and
luxuries that the most exaotlng wheelman
or wheelwoman could demand. The riding
academies embrace the upper floor of the
rotunda and they are well lighted by the
great glass dome, which yesterday was gay
with bunting. The outer circle is for the
use of wheelmen and the inner circle
which is separated by high partition
from the masculine gaze-is reserved for
the use of ladies'.
The academies presented gay appear
ance last night. They were brilliantly
lighted with electricity, an orchestra dis
coursed cheerful music in the band stand
and number of expert riders gave an ex-
hlbltlon OF their talents for the entertain
ment of the visitors.
Downstairs the new biclorama is fitted
up luxuriously. There are ladies' parlors,
charming little dressing-rooms and hot
and cold baths and shower-baths. The
same accommodations are provided for
gentlemen, and all over the building tele-
phones, electric bells and electric lights
are always to be found handy.
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-13
First Choices Swept the Board
at lngleside Yester-
day.
CASPER a REAL GOOD ONE.
Crafty Gave Yankee Doodle an
Argument-The Corrigan Green
Twice in Front.

The talent had a great day at Ingleside
yesterday. Six straight favorites won off
the reel, and the big crowd left for home
at the conclusion of the last event in u
most njoyable frame of mind
By far the best performance of the dav
was that OF the fast youngster Casper in
the two-year-old handicap. Although
delegated to carry III pounds, he was a
4 to choice in the betting. Rey del
TERRA was next IN demand at threes, with
the Hobart trio-Coupon (also carrying
121 pounds), NJ. Clicquot and Lovelight-
the next fancied. Three others of lesser
prominence also started. The gate sent
them away to beautiful start. Swinging
into the stretch Coupon, the favorite, and
Howard , We're on nearly equal terms
Casper gradually shook off his company,
winning very handlly in 4915 seconds.
Howard s, who seemed to have the place
won, tired the last few yards and was
beaten out neck by Rey del TERRA. The
winner is by far the most promising two
year-old yet shown up in this part of the
country.
The SpreckeIs entry, Mosier, was a to
The San Francisco call., 1896-03-13
Newsboys' Club "a Success.

The Newsboys' Club at 113 Powell street, is
proving successful experiment.
The membership has reached seventy-five,
and the boys are showing marked interest in
the games and entertainment. substantial and
otherwise, provided for them.
They are privileged to spend the evening OF
every day of the week at the clubhouse and
every Thursday evening an entertainment OF
musical and literary exercises is provided.
Yesterday at noon the restaurant, by means
OF which 1t is hoped to meet the expenses of
the club, was opened. The main restaurant is
tor the public, and it is aimed to make it a
frst-class refectory. The boys meals are
served in the annex.
The quarters are almost furnished by this
time and 1t is expected to arrange soon to pro-
vide some of the boys with lodgings.