Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-11-09
NUMOR OF THE DAY,

When men are not regretting that
life is so short they are doing some
thing to kill time.-Atchison Globe.
"Why does Stimson always carry his
umbrella closed when it ralns?" "He
is afraid the owner may recognize it."
Detroit Free Press
Lord Nocount (proudly)-"1 can
trace my descent from William the
Conqueror. Cynicus-"You have
been o long time on the downward
path. Truth.
"Does your family sympathize with
you when you have insomnia" eyes.
When l can't sleep I sit up all night
and practice on my accordion. -
Chicago Record.
"Alas! father, I have lost my
heart" walled the heroine. The
villain scowled. "Careless grill" he
exclaimed between his clinched teeth.
-Philadeiphia Record.
For Beginners: Inventor-"Pm
working on cyclometer." Friend.
"What is the special feature?" In
ventor-''It registers the number OF
times you fall. Puck.
"Have you read that article 'How
to Tell Bad Egg"" "No, haven't;
but my advice would be if you have
anything important to tell q bad egg,
why, break it gently. y."-Household
Words.
''This blackberry pie isn't nearly SO
good as those mother used to make"
"No; l told your mother this morn
ing when she made it that you would
he sure to find fault with 1t. Chicago
Record.
Miss Oldfriend-"I declare begin
to feel that Pm growing old. It's
really unpleasant. " Miss Becky Sharpe
Eyes, dear, it must be especially so
for one who has been young SO long!"
Standard.
At the Camping Party: The Crank
-'"This is the last time I'll ever camp
out" The Enthusiastically, you
shouldn't camp out, unless you can en-.
joy yourself without being comfort.
able Puck.
care you taking swimming lessons,
Cadby?" "No, old fellow. It's too
much bother. My valet is learning,
and as [ never go anywhere without
him, if I fell in the watah he could
rescue me. "-Harpers Bazaar.
contemporar asks: elbow can
bloomer girl climb a tree when she
sees & cross bull iu her path?" She
can do it "like little man." That is
one of the advantages of the homely'
boomers. .-Morristow Herald.
She-"I thought you said the sea-
side never drew you to it?" He tim
pressively)-"It was not the seaside
drew me here" She-"Of course
you came by train, didn't you? 1t
was the engine drew you !"-Illus-
trated Bits.
Precious Time Mrs. Wheeler er--"My
husband and l decided not to go to
Europe, because it takes too long to
get there" Mrs. Jones-"Too long?"
Mrs. WheeIer-"Yes; fancy being un-
able to use ones wheel for six or seven
days p'-Puck.
Tourist-"So that's the oldest in
habitant? One hundred and four
years old No wonder you are proud
of him." Native--"I dunno; he amt
done nothin' in this here place 'cept
grow old, an it's took sight o. time
TO do that l"-1it-B
Lost for Ever: 81 was unfortunate
enough to leave my umbrella in a
street car yesterday" remarked Man
chester. "Whose umbrella was to"
asked Birmingham. 81 don't know.
1 borrowed 1t from Snaggs. Pitts
burg Chronicle-Telegraph.
: Lost Heirloom: "There is no
gout in Sir Percy's family, is there?"
"Not now; there was, formerly. 1t
was introduced into family by Sir Ro-
land Highliver, put they nave been SO
poor for the lasS TWO hundred years
that they couldn't 6eep it up
Puck.
Helen-"Oh, yes he always thought
the world of me. Before we were
married he used to say that he was
willing to die Tor me-" Nellie-"But
he didn't" Helen-"Of course not.
He was SO thoughtful, you know. He
said that he did not dare do it, lest J.
should be unable to replace the 10 SIS"