The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-14
WHAT A WIFE!

eyes, - he said, st am married-after a
fashion -
This reply TO my question, Are you
married. uttered in a detected and Fumi-
native tone, bewildered me a little. I was
/ II ought rather to say L ana philan-
thropist. go about the country in search
Of statistics
He was breaking stones in a languid
manner when I met him
His name he said was Thomas MuIlet,
aged 81 or thereabouts; wages IA shtllings
a week and hard work to earn them, es-
pecially on those hottish, dAmpish days
when a mans throat got as dry as a brick
kiln.
jotted down these facts, and then, wish
ing to know how many individuals this
weekly Il shillings had to support, asked
the simple question, Are you married9''
Whereupon his face became overcast, he
scratched his head for a full minute and
then gave the answer I have set down
above, Eyes, I am married-after a fash
ion -
When I asked what he meant BY this
after q fashion" I elected nothing on
which I could generalize, only tale Of
domestic woe.
''Well 50 he said, a man can't just look
upon a woman as his wife what's in prison
for trying to murder hin-at least can t.
can't see much love, honor and obey in
''How did it happen? Well, the fact is
she was tired of me. I was tired of her,
for that matter, but never thought had a
right to do for her COS Of that. do think
it was hard when a fellow had been enj y
ing hisself and come home a bit tight to go
and try to take his life But when wo-
mans tired OF a man, she don't stick at
nothing to get rid of him.
Now, I don't say as a man ought to
! get screwed-at least not Often-but when
it only happens of Saturday nights I think
I it's his wife's bOunden duty to be kind and
loving 70 him She was that, to be sure,
the night I N Bpeaking of, and most care
full Of my comfort, confound herl Didn't
she help me to get to my bed and never
said cross word to me and sat by my side
until was asleep, or she thought I was,
/ and then crept out of the room as soft and
stealthy as a cas- going after birdf All,
she wOr a cunning onel
Our house WASH a very good one, nor
| it wasn't kept in very good repair. The
room I was in hadn't a fireplace in it, and
my missus had bought a stove-one of
/ them long pillar things-out Of her own
earnings (she used to 60 out Washing),
4 thinking that, e. we didn't exactly need
I the room ourselves, she might make it
4 comfortable and let it to a lodger
O.. The plaster had come off the ceiling In
some parts, and as there was only an attic
/ above you could see the joists of the house
/ in some places. just above the head Of
my bed there was about a foot of beam
visible, with hole about as big as my
wrist on one side of it.
Now, I hadn't fallen asleep, as my
1 wife thought but I was drowsy and mud
/ died, and / dare say looked stupid enough.
4 At least I WAS puzzled more than a little
when saw something drop through that
4 hole in the ccuing and come slowly down
toward my pillow. at first 1 couldn't
4 think what to make of it, but in a minute
I saw it was a rope, WI a nice little moose
at the end Of it Well, thought I, this
is a rum startP
After minute I heard steps going
stealthyibe across the attic from one
beam to another and coming down the
ladder stair that led into the kitchen, and
in minute my wife stole quietly into the
room.
She came up to my bed, so quiet you
couldn't, though you strained your ears
ever so, hear even the rustic of her gown,
and then she took up the rope and fitted
the moose very neatly round my neck My,
WASH t she gentle and careful in her doing
of It'll And 1 just let my head roll about
on her arm as If 1 hadn' t no more con
sciousness of what she was up to than a
log of wood When she had finished that
part of her business, she sneaked out Of
the room again as quiet as she coined in
and locks the door and takes out the key.
Il was pretty wide awake now, and
pretty sober, too I can tell you I heard
my missus creeping up that stair again,
but before she'd got to the top of it I was
out of bed and had the rope off my neck.
Then 1 looked about the room for the
heaviest thing 1 could find. My eye fell on
the stove, and I slipped the moose round
its neck as comfortable as it had been
round mine.
I'm a minute or SO heard my young
,
rope began to tighten When she began to
feel the weight Of the stove, she pulled
slower, and I thought for a minute she
was going to give in. But she was power
ful strong. She was in real earnest, and
she held on till she had got the stove raised
q foot or 50, and then I suppose she thought
my job was done. So she fixed the rope
round the beam and tied it there and left
me-that is, the stove-a-swinging
If she had had any sense, she would
have come and had look at me to be sure
she was a wilder afore she went and an
nounced her forlorn condition to her neigh
bors.
''She soon collected a dozen or so Of
friends, who all rushed in to see what was
up. The door of the room was looked sure
enough, but the key was in her pocket.
Well, they done it-slnashed in TIE
door, burst il right of the lock, and poured
into the room, the missus at the head Of
them with her apron at her eyes And
you never saw folks SO disappointed as they
were when they saw me sitting quiet and
calm on the edge Of the bed, and the stove
managing above it.
she II be out in a month now, but
don't think she II look me up when she's
free. If she does, I won't have nothing to
do with her, for, you see, she has got lit
tie practice in the killing line, and next
time she tried to do for he she mightn't
ma s1r, of IT. T