Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-11-19

Aiu ITOul THIS scene,
lnat you, my love, will faithful prove
AND Keep my mem'ry green"
All. dear" with sigh she did reply
HOW htly you advise,
NO color would, It's understood,
Yourself SO symbolic"
Boston Courier
Two countrymen visiting Bradford
Eng, wandered into restaurant to dine,
ana seated themselves opposite two we'll
dressed men.
The waiter, taking the gentlemen's
order, inquired if they would like servi-
cites. tnapkins.)
After attending the countrymen. he
put the same question to them. WELL"
replied one of them, .'if those chaps can
eat them, [ guess we can"'
You see, gentlemen" said the coun-
sci for the defendant complacently-it
was compensation case-"I have got
the plaintiff into very nice dilemma. If
he went there, seeing that the place was
dangerous, there was contributory negli-
gence. and, as his lordship will tell you,
he can't recover. If he did not see it
was dangerous, neither could my client
have seen it, and there was no negli-
gence on his part. In either case I am
entitled to your verdict" The jury re-
tired well, gentlemen" said the fore
man, Il think we must give him $780,"
All agreed except stout, ruddy gentle
man in the corner, who cried hoarsely:
Give him another. fifty, gemmen, for
getting into the dilemma" Verdict ac-
cordingly Words
An impecunious doctor was waited
upon at his home by a stranger, to
whom, thinking the visit professional"
he offered Il chair.
Thank YOU" was the reply; ''but
pardon me, my instructions are to take
the lot, unless you pay the debt and
COSTS"
A local paper in Hungary few days
ago published an account of the render
ing of king Lear on the stage of
very small theater in the town where the
paper appears. The Hungarian critic be-
gins his article in this way: ''The his
torians of literature are still at taggers
drawn as to who wrote Shakespeare
pieces, Shakespeare or Bacon. After to-
nights performance of King Lear, there
cannot be a doubt on the matter if any
one will take the trouble to look into the
tOmDs of those two famous men. The
one who still lies on his back has not
written King Lear at any rate, COR the
true author during tonight's performance
must certainly have turned in his grave"
The other day an Irishman. who was
charged with being drunk and disorderly,
nearly drove q magistrate mad. The fol
lowing colloquy took place between the
two.
Magistrate-"Will you sign the pledge
if | let you off this time:''
Prisoner-"Shure, Oh can't WROTE, yer
honor
ENTHUSIASTICALLY you can make
mark.
Prisoner-"Phwat koind ay a mark,
yer honor?
Magistrate (testily)-"A cross, mana
cross
Prisoner-'Across phwat, yer honor?"
Magistrate tout of all patience) -''Ten
shillings and costs. O" seven days hard
labor
Prisoner (aghast-"Tin shillins'n'
COSTS Sure. Oh haven't cost anywan
anything, yer honor; Oh paid fer all me
drinks
Magistrate (severely)-"Stand down,
sir-stand down.!
Prsoner-"Oi always shtand up when
Oh shtand at all. Is it sit down yer
honor manes:
Then the jailer took the prisoner in
hand. and the magistrate mopped his
moist brow.--London Figaro.
They tell a good story of ''Ouida,'' the
great ldNS nov tllSl
At fashionable "at home in London
Madame Patti was singing, and in the
midst of her first bars Madame "Ouida"
spoke to her hostess.
'Hushr' said the lady of the house;
Patti is singing
''And I am speaking.' Indignantly re-
piled "Ouida;" and she immediately left
the room.
A young Irish lad on a market-day in
an Irish town was minding an ass at
tached to a cart, awaiting the exit OF his
parent from business establishment.
His arm was thrown around the neck
of the animal, when two recruiting SER
geants passed by.
One of them. seeking to take rise
out of the youth, said:
What are you hugging your brother so
tightly for?"
cause" was the ready rejoinder, II
was afraid he'd list!'
A tutor was explaining to his two
pupils 4 few grammatical rules.
The first person is the person speak
ing he explained; 1.-The second person is
the person spoken to-. the third person is
the person spoken of.
A few minutes later the boys began
whispering together.
You must not whisper" said the tu
tor ut is rude to whisper when third
person is present
Il know why" said the youngster,
with twinkle.
'Why?' asked the tutor.
Because the third person is the per-
son spoken of.
ODE TO AUTUMN.
Autumn! come and reap thy yearly harvest
OF corn and wine-these are thy bounte-
Gus sheaNeS;
Then send thy chilling winds and strip the
yellowing forest
And fill the wooded wales with dead leaves,
And drive black clouds across the darkenins
skies,
And send good stiff frost as soon as prac-
ticable
And Kill OF all the flies. Puck.
-:O:-
Caot. Bliss was. like all seamen, a
strict discipiinarian, and his crew re-
spccted him beyond measure Not one
OF them would have dreamed of inter
nreting !, command otherwise than ac-
cording to -he strict letter of the law:
| things must be done ''ship-share under
| his rule One day, while the ship was
| in a certain port. the captain gave &