Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-07-09
iHE jOKER'S BUDGET.
yEsTs AND YARNS or THE FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.

,esrs AND YARNS or THE FUNNY
MEN or THE PRESS.
| Cause for Rage 80 Koe2lng Up With the
Profession 80 That Settled IT, Knew
How to Keep Hotel.
CAUSE FOR RAGE.
"What made that man so angry when
| the horseIcss carriage upset?
s.He Is leather dealer, and there wasn't
any harness 10 cut"
KEEPING UP WITH the PROFESSION.
Tired Traveller = Don't yer wish yer
! had bike. Weary"
Weary Walker Nav. Use got ter
| live up Ter the motto OF our perfesh--
They Toll not, neither do they spin"
THAT fErrLED IT.
Alberta-''I see that Miriam's and Mr..
Bertwhistle's engagement is or"
Alcthea-.'Ycs; he bought bicycle
| that wasn't the same make US hers"
KNEW HOW TO KEEP HorRI.
Great Traveler-..I never saw prett'er
girls in my life than you have right here
in this dining room waiting on tables"
Sharp Hotel Keeper always get
pretty walters. Men don't eat much
when pretty girl is watching them"
GOOD NAME.
Fred -'I say, Camilla would be a good
name tor new bicycle"
Ned Camilla? Why, thatsa woman's
name"
Fred Yes but the poet sings Of
Swift Camilla, who secured along the
plain, you know"
THE FIRST THOUGHT.
He We arc imprisoned by the rising
water There is no escape Our food
will soon be gone and thcn-then we
must die II will be weeks before they
find us.
She-Oh, dear. How provoking. And
l haven't single dress fit to be found in!
THE BASEBALL PITCHER.
The famous baseball pitcher had walked
the floor with the youngest OF his family
for an hour or SO. Mary" said he. iii
the manager saw me now, bet I'd get
soaked with a tine.'
why z" asked his wife, sleepily.
al don't seem to have any tontrol Of
the bawl at all, don't"
MALEvoLENT JOKE.
II will now" said the scientist. ''show
you picture of this fish by the new
Roentgcn rays"
'And make no bon 81 about it.' added
the thin man in the front row.
His hoarse chuckle alone would have
Indicated that he had worked the lecturer
with homeless Goldfish.
TOO MUCH FOR BOTH.
'Tee hee.' staggered the caterpillar,
as he struck the summer mans neck, II
have the drop on you."
Il am inclined to think however" he
soliloquiled u moment after the swat,
THAT that was a drop too much"
INro TIE SYSTEM.
81 understand" said the new mission
ary, 'that my predecessor was stranger
when he came among YOU"
YES" answered the native, dreamily,
''he was a stranger, and we took him in"
AN APPROPRIATE HvMs
The deacon's wife had presented him
with a new, bright rcd tic for Sunday
wear.
The good clergyman gave ont the
hymn, '.Blest be the tie that binds"
Then everybody looked at the deacon
and snickered. Some people are so
foolish, you know.
IN OKLAHOMA.
At the Oklahoma City Convention one
of the old moss backs" who did not
like the way the energetic young chair
man was conducting matters. finally
arose, and Indignantly said 10 the chair
man: young man, ! was Republican
before you were bornl"
shut up" returned the young man,
with more vigor than politeness. Il Will
be a Republican when you are dead. Sit
down."
AN INCURABLE
He walked with a vague and uncertain
step, and passcrs noted that at intervals
lie started ana .leaped tremblingly to one
side, as if III extreme terror. Those
whom lie met regarded him pityinglv and
murmured of est. Vitus dance" or .'loco-
motor ataxia." Others remarked
"Snalles," and smiled cruelty and mean
ingly.
But few diagnosed it correctly as a case
of that insidious disease. bicycle dodge"
REMEDY FOR CYCLONES.
.'Do you ever have any cyclones in
your state!' asked Texan OF gentle
man from Montclair. n. j.
ave never had but one. 1t struck %
Jersey mosquito, and after a furious
struggle the cyclone retrcated to the
woods 10 hide its shame. Il never tried
it again."
'When | was engineer GA old 80 we
used to make some pretty fair time. Had
some peculiar experiences then"
81 expect so; used to 20 so fast that
the telegraph poles ran TO yether till they
looked like semi-transparent film alont
the side Of the track, didn't you!r
"Well. yes I've noticed that. bnt it
wasn't the strangcst thing. Very often
we'd pull into II station. stand there two
or three minutes. an then hear our own
whistle blowing for the crossings seven or
eight miles back up the track. OF course
we'd wait then until the sound caught
up"