Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-03-29
gE HAD CRAMP collie
Onl GOSSettes Sad Experience rom
Eating Fried Oysters
cu,xGE NOT ALWAYS GOOD.
,,. Toothsome nivaIve Too Rich
Gar His BIood-His Old Cray ""re
.s,ce, N New Gait Into Her
ncncrtoire.
CHANGE NOT ALWAYS GOOD.
1.-THE Cedars,"
nc 1NNRfo .
Midlothian, Va. March q, 1886.

1.-THE Cedars,"
Midlothian, Va. March q, 1886.
r Mr. Editor. Solomon or Snakes
or Bin Nye, or some one. has SAID
..i., world was made various that the
.,s ~ desultory man. studions OF change
..t ,..sri with novelty, might be sat
,.'.. change is a pretty good sort Oh
. ,er ISN'T more than the price Of
,rgs OK a pound OF butter. and often
f,low from the inconvenience
.,,,arrassment Of waiting TO be ask
1.t BAD more change last week
knew what to do with, or cared
--- IL was a change from country
.....,,rHk and battercakes to city-made
800 ,ysters. and i freely confess the
,.. h.yalyes were too rich for my
MI D. SID happened that l had to go
a. town ia the wagon. and TOOK with
,.. . s.w nice fresh eggs, lot OF boha-
... country butter, a bundle OF skins OK
.,.. mInks. cOous, etc, bag or Ola
..,nie OF shoats, and some choice
,... outlets QSu hatch, also, the Two
,... e-saaftcs. This was all new 10 me-
,....,., 1 remembered way back IN the
t.-ti-s now. when boy, 4 OccaslOhdAy
,-,rt I'D town in the fan with my tdiner'
ami how ] passed along by the wagon
.'s' r.rryins my shoes on my back ana
when wc r0t near enough 10 see me US
lt.-.h .t.eules slipped them upon my
e....-s feet before ambling into tne
az .,y trousers possibly were time
sr-rf and u-bred HobOs would call out
arfrh waters" My cravat may not nave
1..n I'D 10 date, my hat may nave gone
.. seed and my Jacket looked like last
winters billboard, but FOR pure, unauui-
t.ratel Joy al going TO town l think l
must have taken the cake. 1ou couiu re-
CONNIE me a mile away. and ] was SUI
premely happy while gazing at the pretty
thugs in the windows.
II wasn't so with my trip last week.
ana ] wondered II when boy l appeared
g4 awkward as little Is. q. and his
brother .bhnnie. ! plead guilty 10 the
fact that ! felt a little uncomfortable in
that mart OF my anatomy where pants
md vest meet when some friend would
gcet me with Hello, Bill, these your
BOYS? Well, I'm in an awful hurry, old
man, come around and see me before you
- out" and ere little Willie could show
hts coon-skin my friend was half block
away The last part Of that trip, how
ever. was worse than the first. After dis
posing OF the things | brought down and
purchasing the articles on a memOran-
DUN a yard and a half long, furnished by
my wife. j gave little b. G.. and his brother
Johnnie a penny each, and told them to
60 buy themselves something nice and
ilke some home 10 the little girls. and
then return with the hired man in the
~ ron and tell mother I would be up on
tte night train. This much accomplished,
fr.al. N-4
with fried oysters. A countryman usually
sees oysters about once a year, and the
change IN diet from buttermilk and pota-
toes Cd fried oysters and real rye-bread
was Just little more than enough for me-
lcft that eating establishment feeling
o. though 1 had eaten the entire building
The farther j walked the heavier | got
mi l felt as though forty million pins
we're sticking IN a small portion Of my
tnatomy. Then pain came, and In a short
Nhile 10 began 10 grow, and l felt as
though ! was as big as the Jefferson
Hotel and every inch Of me contained a
'ir-l0ad OF aches and pains. Every friend
J met had a remedy, and pretty soon be-
nles those oysters / had enough ginger,
iaregOric, whiskey. and other apothecary
mpplies inside OF me to set up a drug
tore Nothing did any good. and the
more remedies / took the worse | got,
lutl I Just felt Ike throwing up the
Wonge-and those other things, too-but !
ust couldn't OH / wished | never had
leen born. and the man who invented
'r.ei oysters came in for a full share OF
u'1peration. Sympathy was showered
lpon me from every quarter until sor-
'1w could be raked up around me Ike
Try leaves I'm oak woods. but II had no
more erect upon that pain than the other
remedies tried. on the train that night
people asked what was the matter with
.he floor that I should keep my feet on
he top OF the bench in front Of me, and
wasn't riding To- very uncomfortable
position. ] don't know so much about the
position but IL was certainly the most
uncomfortable ride ] ever had
When I got home the old cook said IT
VAS cramp collie and drenched me with
About a quart Of hot mustard water. My
"ile sent several messengers for the doc
.'r While she queried me as to whether
Day ne-.nsurance policies were all paid
Up ana ordered mustard plaster made
t-l iAe hot-water bag filled. Then DIT
Flsher came and looked wise and looked
~ my tongue also, and as he seemed 20
ieeI h's Importance he felt OF my pulse.
passed his hand over my fevered brow,
asked me what was the matter. / told
lin my natural feelings had vacated for
desire 90 wrap my legs around my neck.
ana then using my hands for propellers,
- to.ihg about seeking change. ] I'M
s'.''9A 20 tell about the remedies used,
tlt my memory and breath both failed
we well old fel, you are lucky TO be
"fnf quoth the NJ. D., as he jobbed a
lte-.e into my arm. and with the assist
:. oi o little bellows blew some kind
LIQUID into the quivering flesh. /
'''.lA see the sense in doctoring the
"n when the pain was a yard and a
--i away, but / guess the doctor knew
i,'' Than l ala. for pretty soon l got
r. The next day, with the assistance
l-' hirel man. my wife and a pair
clutches, ] got about little, and con-
'..'+ improve until now / am glad 10
''!''' o. X. again.
Most men who live IN the country and
.ANe living on the farm, become all
o-nd doctors a COW gets a horn twisted
'l In wire fence. a pig gets his leg
hN trying to climb out OF his sty,
''is get their heads bunged up fight
.- 'i "a horse goes lame, or something
".oig an the time and the agricultu-
''' Kept dOctoring and doctOring until
81. pam looks like bottllng-works. A
10y while ago l noticed that my Old
mare had introduced into her roper
"' an entirely new and original gait
was highly recommended TO me as
',ls five excellent saddle gaits, be-
Aer harness specialties. but this
D. was extra. and entirely new 10 me
"-a @ combination polka and highland
naked. Old Dock, the groom, said
.l'lsht II was nayicular. and suggest
To- ,Nai hot Concentrations be applied and
,, ..a' DIDN'T work. that we had better
.,.','i her got pound Of Spanish flies
,t '.sh me Influence OF Bob Wood and
~ lnish Minister. and the blister was