The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1896-11-26
De song birds, dey hab lef' de Ian:
We doan' know whah dey's at;
But de eagle is a screamin' an


De turkeys gittin' fat.
Star.
what is the average life of a good
bicycle, Sprockets% We'll, some Of
them last until they are paid for
Chicago Record.
Scienticus-"Let ne see, what is the
name of the instrument that records the
pugilist's blowE" Jollicus-'T guess
you mean phonograph."-PuciI.
Folks dat is allus looi;in' foh trou-
ble," said Uncle Eben, ''hab jes' one
ting ter brag erbout. Dey doan' hard
ly eber git disappointed. Washington
Star.
Teddy-"I tell you it's So" Nellie
II say it is not" Teddy-"Well, man.
ma says it's so; and if mamma says It's
so, it's so, even II it isn't so."-Harper's
Round Table.
Gentlemen" said the orator, this
crisis will soon be at an end" Thank
heaven" murmured en- auditor; hes
going to stop talking. philadelphia
North American.
Mr.. Hojack-"Miss Tenspot must be
surprisingly beautiful" Mr.. Tomdik-
Indeed! What makes you think 500"
''She looks we'll even IN an amateur
photograph."-Life.
do you suppose the telephone will
ever replace the telegraph" 1T may,
but no matter what happens, it's safe
to say the telephone will have the
call. Gazette.
Teacher-"Anything is called trans
parent that can be seen through. What
scholar can give an example?' Bobby
DE hole in de fence round de base
ball park. "-Norristown Herald.
Il wonder why it is that young girls
like to marry widowers?" 1T is be-
cause they know that widowers have
been cured OF their foolish illusions
about women."-Chicago Record.
Mrs Mamma-If Lord Forgivus asks
you to marry him, tell him to speak to
me. Ethel-Yes, mamma-but If he
doesn't? Mrs. Mamma-Then tell him
that l want to speak to him.-Truth.
Farmers Wife-'I hope you are not
afraid Of work." Tramp (uneaslly)--
II amt exactly afraid, mum; but al
ways feels fidgety when there's any
thing like that bout."-Boston Tray
eler.
The Flnancee-"Im surprised at you!
l saw you flirting with herw The
Elnnnn--ssI Dt.iS.tlla
mistaken! Beauty has no charms
never had any charms-for mer'-
Puck.
Say, Weary, wot are you waikiki
round in we're bare foots fer" Pm
tryin' dis yer new Kneipp cure" "Wot
fer, WearyW "'Cause some dinblast-
ed snoozer stole me shoesw-Clevelan
Plain Dealer.
Il am sorry l bought one of those
doormats with Welcome on it." why
so?" "Some stupid fellow mlstook the
meaning of the word and helped himself
to it the first night."-Cleyelan Plain
Dealer.
"There are no jokes like the old jokes"
/ Said the humorist blithe and gay.
"And the jokes that now find favor
/ Pleased the folks of another day."
philadelphia North American.
"What a superb touch that pianist
has" she gushed. Il should say he
had" replied her matter-of-fact escort.
Il understand old Skintiint has given
up $500 to have him here this evening""
New York Press.
Mr.. Summer Borde-Mrs. Skantfayre,
don't they say man should learn wis
dom from the ant? Mrs. Skantfayre--
Yes don't you think he should? Mr..
Summer Borde-No: blindfolded man
wouldn't walk into butter like that
Puck.
Nell-"Miss Bjones uses French
phrases in the most peculiar manner"
Bell-"Does shep Nell-"Yes, indeed!
Why, at breakfast yesterday l asked
her how she liked her eggs and she
said they were very chick. '-Philadel-
phia Record.
Maria, hurry, for heavens sake! The
whole back part of the house Is gone
and the roof is blazing right over my
room! You haven't Il second to lose"
How unreasonable you are, John!
haven't my overgalters buttoned yet"
Chicago Tribune.
MancheStcr-The man | introduced
you to awhile ago is one of the most
noted hunters in the country. Blrmlng-
ham-I wouldn't have thought 1t from
his conversation. Manchester-It's
/ true, nevertheless. He is fortune
hunter-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Voice at the Telephone-Major will
you please bring your family and take
supper with us next Sunday? Servant
Girl (replies back through telephone
Master and mistress are not In at pres
emit; but they can't come to supper, rs
it's my Sunday out.-Boston Globe
what is the complainants reputa-
ton for truth and veracity?" asked the
lawyer. 1T is generally good, l think"
answered the witness, Though In tell
ing about the size of the snakes he has
killed. he seems to be inclined to go to
almost any length. indianapolis Jour
nal.
Weary Walker-Say, what makes you
breathe so kind o jerkin'? Born Tired
Amt you on to that? Weary Walk.
er--Naw, | amt. Wot Is 1t? Born
Tired-It's cause I'm so humane.
Thets what it is. don't want to work
both me lungs at once.-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.