The Independent. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1895-1905, 1896-09-23
Editorial Etchings.

would be president II the old
parties refused to incorporate Know
nothing planks in their platforms
and desecrate the grave of every
,"Papist" who signed the Declaration
of American Independence, it would
put ticket OF it's own in the field
and sweep the country like prairie
FIRE. 1t represented 'stoen million
voters, and when it said to candi-
date "come," he had to advance in
lope; when it said to him "go," he
went over the garden wall. 1t de-
cided the fate of political gladiators
by turning its thumbs up, or turn
ing them down. The e"Ape" was
cock Of the walk and bull Of the
woods. 1t was awful as bosom OF
destruction, terrible as an army with
banners. Its membership was as
the sands of the sea for number
more frequent than eunuchs in
Kansas, or feas on brindls fee.
1t came down on obstreperous
parties like wolf on the fold, or a
hungry coyote on a yaller hen. 1t
was going to rally round the little
red school house and protect it from
such "Romish myrmidons" as Rosen-
Grams, such "Popish ,hirelings" as
Sherman and Sheridan. Candidates
trembled before its frown and hunt
ed up their Protestant pedigrees.
No man should be president who
declined to mix religion with his
politics. Catholics should be rigid
ly excluded from Office less they turn
the national capitol into cathedral;
converts were to be made lounging-
places for curious fools and meddle-
some fanatics. Father Marquette's
statue should be Dragged with
halter about its neck from the
galaxy OF our civic gods. The
various conventions met-and the
tail of the cape" was mashed. 1t
developed that this modern Caesar
was "rich in some dozen paltry vii
lages, strong in some hundred
spearmen"-that it had been "bluf-
fng the bank" with wad of brown
paper rolled in one-dollar bills.
The A. p. A. was Jonah's gourd
that came up in a night; but its
root was wormy, and the sun Of
truth shone upon and withered it.
1t was a long cared ass masquerading
in the skin Of lion. It's name is
Ichabod- alias Mud. The politicians
who cringed before this politico
religio- proscriptive party are now
driving their boots so far under it's
coat tails that it will taste Leather
all the rest OF its life. The Protest
ant preachers who affiliated with is
are holding their noses and using
disinfectants. It's wind-blown or
gans are "bustin'" like painted blad
ders-or Chinese stinkpots. The
last of its dailies has turned its little
pink toes to the daisies. The editor
of its leading magazine is in the
penitentiary for crime beside which
murder were honorable and rape re-
spectacle. Occasionally little
"Ape" sheet crawls out OF its hole
like moribund rattle-snake taking
the sun, or sick prarie-dog driven
to the surface to die. In a few
months the erstwhile famboyant
"Ape" will have passed into the erst-
while, aud Uncle Sam be left to
"rassle" rs best he may with Rome
We should stuff its NANCY hide and
place it on pedestal OF stinkweed
in.the valley of Hinnom as companion
piece to the wolfish skull of the old
Knownothing party. And grouped
about them in this gallery Of the un.
clean gods. this pantheon of pu
tridity, should be guano busts OF al
it's high priests and apostles, each
with appropriate inscription. They
would read as follows: Rev. Benja
min Hudelson: Ex-procurer fol
houses Of prostitution, and now pro
fessional boodler. Editor Price, Of
the leading A. p, A. organ: In the
penitentiary for selling obscene
.aLool ak;ll,o D.,