The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1896-12-16

ideas for d0aomem,

f 0a+LS w. oAA 800 ~
Il the older wives. too. viii follow this
advice. A great deal has been said on
the advantage of coniding ones domes-
tic troubles to some one who will help
to bear them by sympathy. and possibly
advise a remedy or at least something
that may alleviate the ~unhappiness; but
nothing can be more injurious to ones
peace of mind than to have too many
confidants. At the time it is doubtless
felt as a relief, but afterwards there will
be, day after day, an abject fear that
one of one's4c~ onfdants will reveal the
secret one would not have known for the
world.
Take the case of one of the many
unhappy ~ wives. Her troubles may
be many and grievous. One thing is GER
tain, If she allows herself TO think and
brood nlgch over them, they will as
sumo much greater proportions, and be
more numerous than if she resolutely
lid her best to keep her mind from
dwelling on them. Mingled with her I'M
happiness, in ninety-niHe times out of a
hundred. there is a distinct touch of re-
sentiment, or a wounded pride up in arms.
Fhis should be of itself sufficient warn
a. uS ~ d StAStDlS WOlAdu 10 Keep her
own counsel for her wounded feelings
are almost certain. if confided to anyone,
to make matters appear worse than they
are. 81
80.
One day when you feel badly, the
door opens to admit a seemingly sym
pathetic visitor. You tell her of your
troubles, real or imaginary. When she
leaves you tell her that you have never
eonfideds any of this to any one else, and
that you hope she will respect your con-
hdence. She readily promises to do this,
and doubtless at the. time intends to,
but good resolutions are frequently
broken, and friendships are often pain
fully short-lived; so that almost before
you dream of such a thing. your pitt
Il little story is known to all your
ighbors or acquaintances. And now
do you not experience a disagreeable
qualm of conscience? Does not your
self-respect feel as if 1t had met with a
painful fall? When you meet the cause
of your u-nhappiness, do you not feel
that if he knew all you would be greatly
distressed. and that he would nave at
least one cause of complaint against you
aS al D1lStl IOI SOQT . dSdAAll- ltliil-
Let me assure you thai sorry as your
friend may feel for you, unless the cir
cumstanees are very unusual, she has
lost a great deal of her old respect for
you If you watch her closely you may
soon notice this, and you will soon de-
eide that the petty annoyances many
wives complain so bitterly against are
best borne in silence.
If you are very unhappy, and yet deem
it your duty to live with your husband.
keep your grievous trials to yourself.
This for your w self-respect. fully as
much az his. Never complain that your
husband Eeglects you, If you do
the day viii be sure to come when you
would give worlds to make someone be-
Iieve that he does not, but your OWN
words convict him. Moreover, when you
think tina you have been neglected, you
think a great deal more of that one occa-
sion than you do of1aI the Many tender
cares he usually laHishe5 upon you.
Doubtless. he IS not perfect, neither are
you, and perhaps you often vex and dis
please him; only he does not worry and
brood over it as you do. Besides, you
should Remember that for many of the
thoughts and habits with which your hus-
band worries you, bis training is perhaps
more to be blamed than he is.
If you were disappointed in him after
you were married, probably he is just
as much disappointed in you. If You
had turned out exactly as he had hoped
perhaps he would have been your ideal
husband. Human nature is faulty, and 1t
is well to bear in mind that there is us
ually blame attached to both sides. Make
a solemn resolution that when a trouble
is past you will never mention 1t again,
nor allow your mind to dwell upon it
more than you can avoid. Keep your
temper always. Never show resentful
feelings after a past affair. In every
way let your husband see that instead Of
giving away to temper and injured feel
ihes you are doing YOU utmost to do
Aght.
It takes a woman of tact to be a good
Re. There are many good men, who
or different management, would de-
riorate rapidly. There are others who
Are looked upon as almost cruel hus-
bands. yet who would under wiser man
agement be the very reverse. A good
wife should study her husband just as
a good mother studies her child. if she
would have a happy. contented home life.
1t may be bitterly hard in some instances
to keep your trials TO yourself. but even
tualiy you viii feel that you have
achieved a noble victory. Often the pet
ty matters that the injured wife seeks
advice about are smoothed out happily
without any intervention; then would
she not giYe worlds 30 have her secret
still her own?
Bear in mind that If you allow your
husband to know that you complain
about him, or fail to show him proper
respect before your friends. you viii nave
lost your strongest hold on him. There
is no situation in life where a little more
realistic application of the good maxim,
s.Do unto lothers as We would that they
ghould do lunto your would not brighten
and improve matters.
No sensible, unparalleled person can be-
Feve that amid all the great army of
Observation-Disclosures husbands, the
lame is only on their side. Often those
rho complain the loudest do SO to silence
conscience that If self accusing. Is it
OF better to pose as a quiet, self-con-
tined woman than a vindictiye one.
ven when there should be cause for
Rouonlafntz