davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
AMERICAN AND BRITISH HuMoR.

Radical Differences Which Each Race
Finds Difficulty In Keconciling.
Beyond f questi IN there is distinct
difference between American anG Brit
jsh humor. TO most Americans London
Punch is indescr;:ably dreary, yet to
tho average Britain it is the funniest
paper published. Per contra, thu Eng.
lishman seldom enjoys an American
joke, and our comic papers are as a rule
senseless to him. AS an illustration of
these national characteristics Charles
W. Brooke, prominent lawyer, recalls
the experience of Charles w. Browne
better known as Actemus Ward, one OF
The first of Amer can humorists. 'It
was singular thing that Ward, while
he captured the British public In his
first lecture, made complete failure
when he became a member of the staff
of London Punch, he being, believe,
the only American who was ever en-
r',oyed upon that publication. He be-
gan his first lecture in the British cap
ita; by praising warmly the hospitality
Ct the people of London. In glowing
terms he described the picture which
lad been drawn for him in America of
the warmth of the greeting which
would be extended to him when he had
crossed the Atlantic. But he added,
the realization has far exceeded the an
ticipation. Stree have been in London
L have been amazed beyond measure at
the Inequalities Of which I have been
the recipient. Why, assure you that
even every time I lave left cab G hand
has been extended to me-for shil-
ling The newspapers at that time re-
lated that first there were few smiles
upon the faces in the London aud .ence,
then some one Uttered, after that few
people laughed, and in about half min
ute the entire audience was in a roar.
From that time a llugh followed every
thing he said. Eis work on Punch,
however, the British people were in
capable Of approaching; even his de.
lightful description of his visit to the
tower of London, III which, in 1emin.
iscent mood, he spoke about his puri-
tan ancestors and told how they had
travelled to bleak and foreign shore,
where they could worship God accord.
ing to the dictates of their own con.
sciences and prevent every other man
from worshiping according to the die
tates of his. That sort of real humor
was too subtle fer the Londoner."-
Philadelphia Times.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

down, and ran down to his house. Mary
was wipings the tea things. H.. :"
Whats, up?' she asked.
''See here" he said, lifting both lids
of the old-fashioned market basket. Il
little. baby lay there, blinking, squirn-
ing and crying a little. '"''' - -
where did you get that, John Bray %.
He told her. s = -
''Take it back,' she cried. ''I'll have
no girls brat around me- ~ = .4..
4''Hadn't we better keep it till morn
in? III let the constable or somebody
know about it. Then they kin take it
away" " 5.T9 - l..t,s
"Well,' Mary assented, IAN I'll take it
out; it's all crowded up there" 49,
John went off to his work, and Mary's
tea dishes stood while she lifted out the
tiny baby and tended to it. There were
clothes and food in the basket and a
note, beseeching the finder to care for
the three weeks old baby girl. Mary
wept and crooned by turns over the
wee, dark-haired thing, and presently
it went to sleep in her arms.
Nine o'clock came, ten, half-past ten,
and still Mary sat with the baby in her
arms. John came in, and she straight
way motioned him to silence.
''Why don't you set it DOWN." he
asked.
II Wuz waitin' fer you to turn down
the bed, fer she seemed so comfortable
cuddled up here I hated to rout her up,
dom the thing myself :.
Johns boots were noisy, as he stepped
about.
Hadn't We better go stockin'- footed,
yell wake her up" suggested Mary.
John took the oath of allegiance to the
baby sovereign mentally and drew off
his shoes.
'Ain't she a picture?'' asked the wife,
when she had nestled the wee thing
down.
II guess you liked holdin' that baby
in your arms" John began, and Mary
hid her face on his shoulder and cried.
'You'll kinder hate to give it up,
won't We? An the constable's goin' to
see about it to-morrer. I wuz down
there. That's what KEEP me so late.
There don't seem to be any perticler
place fer to put it, but he'll find OUT
T Mary was silent for a little, and then
the baby stirred. She hurried over to
it, shaded the lamp and tiptoed back to
John.
Cant ave keep her?' Mary began,
wistfully; ''her little clothes was in the
basket and her food in tin can, an
this note says about her" a
John read the note, spelling it out,
and absorbing it's meaning slowly. ].
ts"I guess we kin keep her EFF we want
Ito 'he said, .judicially, and then, eager
|ly: "What'll we call her?'' s'
Il wuz thinkin' Express I'D be a good
! nanae," Mary answered.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

wall of the house, his feet were caught
in the rung, and he was drowsily COLI
tent, sitting there in his shirt sleeves,
his wife beside him and the long, pure
twilight deepening into llauguorous,
fiower-scented night. .. .....:::.s. -
Eyer flow'rs is dom pretty we'll,
Mary" he began, presently. Mary had
been crouched on the step, her elbows
in her knees, her face buried. in her
hands, and she had been so long silent
that he wanted to hear her speak, to
know if she were weeping.
ooh, yes" she answered, without en-
thusiasm. a, ~. 5s
There were no: tears in her voice, but
the tone was hopelessly dreary.
Yer 'sturtiums amt bowed yit,' he
continued, with a wish to enliven her.
r. mo, jist buddin'::" 80 ID ---> -
can the sweet peas?" with a moyc-
mont toward the window. where the
thrifty vines were, climbing up their
taut white strings. 51.,~ 1911 49,. -.
'They'll be out in a week." and then
the silence grew around them again.
'Ihere's the down express" John vol
unteered after a long pause. A puff
Of smoke rose over the cutting beyond
the bridge, the headlight leaped into
sight, the whistle screecned its warning
and the train Numbered by its. window
lights shooting in and out on the curve
like sparks tossed on a hurricane.
There they co. Mary said, envious-
ly, 'comin' here an goin' there, SEEM
things an people, an enjoyin' their
selves, an we jist stick here in the one
place like the powders over on the
roadside.'' r.
Her tone was hard. the infection was
a complaining one. - =. a.. ..-..-. srr
Il guess you git pretty lonely, some
days." John ventured, letting his chair
down on it's front legs, and putting his
hand on his wifc's shoulder in half
clumsy caress. sta. 'a.r' $40 "'>.'a '.+'at''e.'se'
"Oh! it's awful, John,' she said,
brokenly, taken off her guard by the
tenderness, when I've washed an
cleaned myself an there amt nothin'
more to do. faint but what could
do knittin' or SEWN for winter, bu! I
can't get the things to do with. Then
the trains keep goin' by, an hate the
people who kin go to places. I'd go
rav;n' mad, eff didn't do somethin', so
Iallus go an scrub up the kitchen floor.
1t works off them feeiin's, an some
days l do it mornin's an afternoons
too
''Why don't you go over an set with
Jim Lawson's wife?" John suggested.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
.... ITS too long," John objected, "an'

Its too long ] ohm objected, IAN
it's onhandy to say
Well, Pressie fer short, an Pressie's
real pretty name. It's kinder 'propri-
ate to call her somethin' like that"
Mary went on, for Mary was romantic
in her notions.
: Poor little mite" John said, solemn
", looking steadily at the same place in
the moor for several minutes. !,
Mary crept up to him and sat on his
knee. Il didn't know what wuz wrong
with me, nor what wanted" she
sobbed, but, John. eff can keep that
baby, there amt nothin' 1 want. She
won't cost much, John"
mo, it won't take much to board her,
an guess Pressie'll hev to stay" John
made answer, and then they rose and
moved together to the door and outinto
the starlight.
John was moist about the eyes and
happy at his heart. He took new and
strange delight in everything, in his
present and future, his home, the sky,
and his wife beside him. And they
planned. and wondered what Pressie
would be like when she grew up. They
said one to the other what company she
would be, and how careful they would
have to be about the track.
I'll make gate fer the door," John
said, and he looked around for timber
as if he thought he ought to do it to-
morrow. ~
Eye won't hev time to scrub yer floor
so much now" Johns tone was mis-
chievous, as he said it.
But Mary only sighed, a long, deep
sigh of contentment. Her. childless
misery had passed away. She had put
her lips to the cup of motherhood. IN.
Y. Independent. 80
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
His Old Master.

"De ole marster what I had befoah
de wah was a gennerman,' remarked
old Nose to another aged relic of ante
bellum days.
''You bet dar was heightened genner-
mans in dose days." his friend replied.
snow you's talkin'. remember how
time and agin my ole marster kicked me
often de front steps, and mint AFTER
wards he had done plum forgot all
about hit. Der amt no noah SIGH gen.
'nermans Nowadays Sitter.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

81 GUESS YOU GET PRETTY LONELY"
81 don't like her." Mary answered.,
promptly, 'fer she's allus braggin'
bout her babies.'' :,
''How many hev they go? 2" asked the
husband, carelessly.
.'Four," the childless woman at his
side whispered.
Mary had been a tailoress before she
was married. She was ambitious be-
yond her fellowworkcrs, deft with her
needle, quick with her tongue, and she
dreamed of future far different than
the life of John Bray's wife. But ten
hours day at a sewing machine wears
upon woman. John asked her to
marry him, and she thought the little
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
HARD .TussLEs WITH BRulN.

Oregon Hunter Attacks . Bear with N
Ordinary Jackknife.
]. G. Hearing, who was hunting and
trapping in the Blue mountains, few
miles west Of Elgin, met with little ad-
venture with bear recently that might
have proved rather serious to him had
It not been for the Intervention of one Of
his dogs, says the Portland Oregonian.
He was engaged in setting traps, and as
he had considerable weight to carry he
had no weapon with him except jack
knife, and on his rounds his dogs dig
covered the winter quarters of bear
in big hollow tree. The bear was ct
home, and was pretty much alive, as sub.
sequent events proved. AS bear peltsare
quite valuable, Jake was quite anxious
to secure this one, but was afraid thatia
he went to camp. q mile and a half dis
tant, bruin would escape, 50 he dashed
bis pocketlknife to the end of stick and
attempted to cutthe animals throat. He
only succeeded in inficting some pain
full flesh wounds, which so enraged the
brute that it suddenly came out of it's
hole. and was almost on him when one
OF his dogs made q sudden onslaught on
the animals rear. which diverted his
attention long enough to enable Jake
to dodge behind tree, and the dogs
soon made it SO tropical for the bear
that it was glad to take refuge in tree,
where they kept it until a gun was
procured from camp. when the animal
was quickly dispatched. 49,
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

NO" 1ISiH SerVAce Oh tno Mohon ROUTE
Commencing Sunday, June 7th, the Regu.
lar Sleeping Car for Indianapolis via the
Monon Route will be carried on the Fast
Mail Train, leaving Chicago at 2:45 am, ar.
irving at Indianapolis Sa. III.
The Sleeper will be ready for occupancy
in Dearborn Station Polk Street Depot) al
$3.50 p. M, thus giving passengers an oppor.
tunity to spend the evening in Chicago, go
to the theaters or other places OF amuse-
ment, and retire any time after that hour.
City Ticket Office, 232 Clark ST., Chicago.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
Low Bridges in Queensland.

The Queensland rivers are subject to
severe floods, and low, level bridges,
therefore, have been found advisable.
The cost of high level bridges is excess
sive and those of moderate height are
very liable to be carried away. The low,
level ones are submerged before logs
and driftwood are brought down in con-
siderable quantities, and the dangerous
debris passes harmlessly over.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
Painted Turtle Eggs.

A curious case Of deception is report
ed in an pathological journal. It is
said that a person painted seven turtles
eggs and sold them as the rare eggs of
the Carolina paroquets, receiving ten
dollars apiece for the doctored eggs.
The hand-painted eggs were a fraud
that surprised the biologists when they
learned of them. esg5 s<4
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

- In tropical countries the dried
palmetto leaf is considered an excel.
lent barometer. When it breaks with
asharp crack or report the weather will
be fair; when it bends without break
ing rain is certain within few hours.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
Tackled the Wrong Man.

The commercial traveller of Man
chester house, while in Cumberland,
approached a stranger as the train was
ABOUT to start and said:
care you going by this train?"
IT am Ii, er ,% u.s.
""Have you any luggage?''e
t'No."
well, sir, can you do me favor, and
it won't cost you anything? You see,
I've two big trunks, and they always
make me pay extra for one of them.
y, You can get one passed on your ticket,
and we'll do them. Do you see?"
eyes, I see, but haven't any ticket"
&C. 'But l thought you were going by
this train?''
$50 I am; I'm one Of the directors Of,
the line!'
"Oh!"
He paid extra, as usual Bits.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

WHEN all is summed UP man never
speaks of himself without loss; his accuse.
lions of himself are always believed, his
praises nevcr.-Montaigne.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

Gagged, monkeys are tolerably Ger
tain to give an indication of coming bad
weather, being then more ill-natured
and quarrelsome than at any other
time.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
"Amone tn q Ozarks. :"

The Land of Big Red Apples, is an attrac
tive and interesting book, handsomely illus
trated with views Of South Missouri seen
cry, including the famous Olden fruit farm
of 5000 acres in Howell county. 1t pertains
to fruit raising in that great belt of Amer
lea, the southern slope OF the Ozarks, and
will prove of great value, not only to fruit
growers, but to every farmer and home
seeker looking for farm and home.
Mailed tree. Address J. E. LOCKWOOD,
Kansas City, Mo.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

II AM reduced to great extremities again.
sighed the funny man, as he tossed off an
other joke or two involving the Chicago
girl.-Chicago Tribune
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

it's terrors to those who know that II. H.
Green & Sons, the Dropsy Specialists of
ATLANTA, Georgia, treat it with such great
success. Write them for pamphlet giving
full information.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

LET your literary compositions be kept
from the public eye for nine years at least.
Horace. r' ~ ~. - -. u.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11
PRESSIE.'
BY ELLA s. ATKINSON,


Ohm BRAY and his
wife sat at the
door Of their little
home. Sunday even
ing, He was bag
gage master. at the
b row n station
along the track,
and: Sunday was
his one:i:night OFF.
He had tilted his
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1896-06-11

ADVERTISEMENTS IA Swiss hotel wants
some Munich waiter girls in Tyrolean CO.'S
tune who can speak French. ''-Fiegende
Blaetter.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19
PROCLAMATION.

WHEREAS, The Hon. Charles II. Noyes
President Judge of the Court of Common
Pleas and Quarter Sessions in and for
the county of Forest, has issued his pre-
cept for holdings Court of Common Pleas,
Quarter Sessions of the Peace, Orphans
Court, Oyer and Terminer aud General
Jail Delivery, at Tionesta, for the
County of Forest, to commence on the
Fourth Monday of February, being
the oath day of February, 1896. Mo-
tice is therefore given to the Cor
oner, Justices of the Peace and Con-
stables of said county, that they be then
and there in their proper persons at ten
o'clock A. NJ, of said day with their
records, inquisitions, examination, and
other Temembrances, TO do those things
which to their Office appertain to be done,
and tothose who are bound in nrecognizance
TO prosecute against the prisoners that are
or shall be in the Jail Of Forest County, that
they may be then and there 10 prosecute
against them as shall be just. Given un-
der my hand and seal this 9th day of
January A. ID. 1896.
JOHN Il. CARSON, [L.s.l Sheriff.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19
sHERIFF's SALE.

QY VIRTUE of a writ of Fieri
II Facias issued out ofthe Court of Com
mon Pleas of Forest County, Pennsylva-
MIA, and to me directed. there will be ex-
posed to sale by public vendue or outcry,
at the Court House, in the Borough OF
Tionesta, Forest County, Pa, on
MONDAY, FEBRUARY "a, A. D., 1896,
at l o'clock p. m, the following describ-
ed real estate. to-wit:
DAVID HEBRON, use of F. L. MA
GEE, now use E. o. N. Kane, VS.. f.
A. MAGEE. Fieri Facias, No. 81,
February Term, 1S96.-Huey q Irwin,
Attorneys.
All the right, title, interest, claim and
demand of the defendant and terre ten
ant, of in and to all that certain piece or
lot of land situate in the Township OF
Barnett, Forest County, Pennsylvania,
being ninety-fiv (95) acres more or less,
of allotment No. II of the Bingham
Lands in Warrant No. 1901, bounded and
described thus, viz: North by lands OF
Thompson and Darr and L. Starr; East
by Thompson and Darr and j. NJ. Fitz-
gerald; South by lands of A. j. Maze
and A. Cooks Heirs West by A. Cook s
Heirs and r. McBeth. Being same land
which was conveyed by Jas. Braden, Adj
ministrator of John Braden, deceased, to
sembly approved 18th of March, 1852,
and proceedings hereunder, and by said
Mum duly conveyed by deed to f. L.
Magee, as by the records of jefferson
County, Pennsylvania, reference thereto
being had will more fully appear. On
which is erected a one and half story
frame dwelling house, one barn, 40x50
feet, one wagon shed, 20x30 feet, and
other out buildings. Young orchard,
containing between sixty and seventy APP
pie and other fruit trees, with a good
spring and running water on the land.
Seized and taken in execution and TO
be sold as the property of f. A. Magee,
defendant, at the suit of David Heffron,
use of f. L. Magee, now use of Il. o. N.
Kane, plaintiff.
TERMS OF SALE.-The following
must be strictly complied with when the
property is stricken down:
1. When the plaintiff or other lien cred
itors become the purchaser. the costs on
the writs must be paid, and list of liens
including mortgage searches on the prop
erty sold, together with such lien credit
or's receipt for the amount of the pro-
ceeds of the sale or such portion thereof as
he may claim, must be furnished the
Sheriff.
2. All bids must be paid in full.
3. All sales not settled Immediately will
be continued until 2 o'clock p. M, of the
next day, at which time all property not
settled for will again be put up and sold
at the expense and risk of the person to
whom first sold.
See Purdon's Digest, Ninth Edition,
page 4S6 and Smiths Forms, page 3S4.
JOHN Il. CARSON, Sheriff.
sherlffs Office, Tionesta, Pa, Jan 80,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19

THE call upon Senator Quay, by
leading Republicans from all sections
of the State has been so spontaneous
and unanimous that be has yielded to
the pressure and consented to stand
as Pennsylvania choice for Presi.
dent at the ST. Louis convention.
The old argument that the Keystone
State is forever barred from having a
candidate for the Presidency because
she is so rookribbed in her Republi.
csnism and can always be counted on
to give her electors TO that party, is
no longer considered the proper thing,
and there seems no good reason why
the very opposite should not be the
rule, and that for her very loyalty
she should be accorded the honor of
furnishing the candidate. The as.
surauces of support to the junior Sen.
ator do not by any means all come
from his own State, but from every
section of the Union. That he would
give the country thorough business
administration even his enemies will
admit, while bis platform of purer
government for city, state and ma.
tional affairs is one which every hon.
est voter can cheerfully endorse.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19

The little daughter of Mr.. Fred Web
Der, Holland, Mass, had very bad cold
and cough which he had not been able to
cure with anything. 1 gave him a 25
cent bottle of Chamberlains Cough Rem
edy, says w. P. Holden, merchant and
postmaster, at West Brimfield, and the
next time ] saw him he said it worked
like charm. This remedy is intended
especially for acute throat and lung di-
seases such as colds, Group and whooping
cough, and it is famous fos its cures.
There is no danger in giving it to chill
dren for it contains nothing injurious.
For sale by Heath & Kilmer'
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19

Col. LUCIUs ROGERS, of the Kane
Republican, is announced as a eandi-
date for Assembly in Mexican cOun.
ty. The Republicans up there would
hunt long time before they would
find one among their number who is
better adapted for the place. His
many years experience, not as a
member, but as an officer in legisla.
tive bodies, most admirably fit him
for doing good work for his people,
where his thorough knowledge and
popularity would come 10 play to the
great advantage of his constituents.
The Mexican Republicans will do
themselves proud by electing Mr..
Rogers.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19
Republican County Committee Meeting.

The members of Republican Coun.
ty Committee of Forest County are
requested to meet at the Court House,
Tionesta, on Monday evening, Feb. "a,
1896, (court week., at 7:30 for the
purpose of fixing the date for hold.
ing the Republican Primary Election
in said county, and the transaction of
such other business as may be neces.
sary. 1t is hoped there will be full
attendance of the members.
f. j. HENDERSON,
Gus b. EVANS, Chairman.
Secretary.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19
Threw Awny His Canes.

Mr.. d. Wiley, ex-postmaster, Black
Creek, n. Y, was so badly afflicted with
rheumatism that he was only able to
hobble around with canes, and even then
it caused him great pain. After using
Chamberlain's Pain Balm he was so
much improved that he threw away his
canes. He says this linament did him
more good than all other medicines and
treatment put together. For sale at so
cents per bottle by Heath & Kilmer.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19

Our people are growing more and
more in the habit of looking to Heath &
Kilmer for the latest and best of every
thing in the drug line. They sell Cham
berlain's Cough Remedy, famous for its
cures of bad colds, Group and whooping
cough. When in need of such a medi2
cine give this remedy a trial and you will
be more than pleased with the result
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1896-02-19

IT is understood that Campos ad-
vises his Government to make impor.
tant home rule concessions in Cuba.
His council will not be needed until
Weyler tries his reign of terror. Af.
ter that the island will either be a
blackened waste or new American
republic.