The Indianapolis journal., 1896-04-06
BOMBARDMENT OF CHICAGO.
What Happened when British Gum
boats Appeared Before the City.


What Happened When British Gum
boats Appeared Before the City.
Harper's Weekly of the current week con-
tans an exceedingly humorous burlesque en-
titled ''The Bombariment of Chicago-A
First Of April Yarn Spun by British Off
cer," in which the striking pecularities of
that city are set forth in manner which
will cause much merriment. The paper pur-
ports to be letter of a British naval off,
Ger to his parents. A number of light
draught gunboats belonging to the British
fleet which is usually stationed at Halifax.
have. in violation of the treaty, been sur
reptitiously transferred to the great lakes.
Their objective point was Chicago, which
they had orders to lombard,
war having been declared after the
gunboats entered the lakes, because of diff
culties growing out of the Venezuelan af-
fair. But while Chicago was taken by sur
prise, its people were not appalled,, as the
following shows:
Early in the forenoon watch Chicago be-
came aware Of us. By 10 O'clock the whole
strip of park1-,the lake front: they call II.
er that enormous placards were all over the
place announcing "Grand excursion round the
British fleet for 80 cents" and half dozen
lake steamers, among them one very big one.
with a turtle deck all over which they call
''whaleback," all loaded down with passen-
gers, came out from behind the breakwater
under way and steamed round after them
10 force them to keep their distance. The
excursion" took about half an hour, ana
fresh lot shipped, and so 1t went on all the
forenoon. and indeed all day long.
All the afternoon the excursionists kept
ieka nd q
launch could not police them properly. The
Bacillus got under way and steamed around
Us. warning them OF and keeping about
quarter Of a mile of clear water. About
four bells a new kind of excursionists began
10 come outings carrying reporters for the
swsps tSey were. They had fiags g half % as long as
the tugs, inscribed. United Press" '.Asso-
ciated Press" and the names of the different
running the length Of the tug, with the name
of the newspaper, and additions, such as
The Daisy Daily Of Chicago;n "Rissest Cir
culation on the Planet, Bright, Breezy,
Brainy," and so forth.
The officer, in his peculiar official manner.
tells how the reporters made for the flag
ship and demanded to see the commanding
officer, because he represented something or
other," and would have come on board had
not the ships hose been turned upon them,
drenching them. Then he goes on:
AS soon as it fell dark we got our anchors
and began moving about, in case the enemy
SHOULD have marked down our positions and
should send torpedo boats from shore. All
Of us were under way all night, going slowly
in circles as far as three miles off shore,
and our searchlight was kept soinsg from rom
molest US in any way. No such notion en-
tered their pure minds. They do not seem
to own such thing as ,s torpeao' ,hu mucn =, less
man of war they possess is an imitation
battle ship on shore. four or five miles below
the town. that was pui OF Prex tSsr at hes he tune ne
four years ago, to show the inland people
what a battle ship was like. What rum
American idea! We stood off and on till
six bells in the morning watch, when We
steamed in again within cables length OF
the breakwater, took up our positions of the
a small boat to come alongside with the
morning papers, and took them ALA most
wonderful collection. The American papers
always seem to be screaming at the top OF
their voices, even when nothing in particular
is up. But this time they Outdid themselves.
One Of them mad this heading. In fat, Dlack
front page: "Chicago's Biggest Day Yet"
and underneath, The Fire and the Fair No
Longer in IT, Another one, In the same big
gloma,niac. He Betrays Chicago to British
Fleet" This is news to Us. but it appears
that it Is figurative language.
The officer, who seems greatly puzzled at
what he had seen Of the newspapers, inno-
remarked
filled with dreadful pictures of our squadron.
which cannot be very instructive. forsthe
tug of the particular newspaper which prints
the picture appears in every one OF them,
and Is always drawn about twice as big as
the gunboat" On the day of the arrival of
the feet, the officer remarks that he and an
other officer had escorted a letter to the
Mayors Office" which gave notice Of the
bombardment of the city twenty-four hours
later, in order that the noncombatants might
be out of range. The second day the officer
relates that tug with white flag appeared
which carried deputation Of citizens. OF
the deputation and its performance, the Of
fcer writes:
The nag Of truce turned out to be the dep
utation. 1t was rather rum deputation.
One would fancy that it would have been
composed of the neighboring gentry, out IL
seems all the members are In trade. They
were asked on board, and the admiral came
them, and the spokesman introduced himself
and. then the others. One was a dealer in
timed meats, one manufacturer of the
sleeping coaches that the Americans use on
their long railway journeys. and one a hote
keeper. We could all hear what was said. In
deco. we could not have failed to hear it and
shouting before he had spoken three sen
tences, and working his arm like fail. His
line was about the same as that of the lead
er of which / have given you extracts. He
gave history of Chicago, and how the en-
terprise of her citizens had converted her
from a wilderness to 1.-The center of Amer
lean civilization and the Queen Metropolis
OF the Western World and then went on
to say what a crime 1t would be TO devas-
tate the proud edifices of her commercial
emporium and the happy and princely homes
of her citizens. The beauty and the mag
n.ficence Of the North Side of Chicago. ne
said, "are the boast of America and the ad.
miration of Europe" He did not get an,
further. for at that point the timed meats
man and the sleeping coach man broke in tc
say that it was the South Side and not the
North Side where happy and princely home:
were, and that the damage that would be
done by bombardlng the North Side would
be a mere trifie In comparison. The hote
keeper grew very angry, and came to the
rescue of the spokesman. who seemed to bs
a banker, while the odd man tried to say
something about the West Side, but was
| bowled down by all four of the others.
But all this eloquence did not avail. The
bombardment was begun and carried or
without resistance until the town was turned
"into a junk shop"