Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1896-08-28
THE CONTRACTING HOTEL ROOM.
How Its Use May Increase the Income OF
the Scashore Boniface. ~

How Its Uso May Increase the Income OF
the Scashore Boniface. -
10 All Wide Awake, Hustling Hotel Men
(ConfldentiaD:
Are you goldbugs9 NE you FREQ silver
menp Do you wish to increase your income
at the seashore ut the ratio of Is to II, FL
If SO, try the contracting hotel room sys-
tenn of the Neptune Novelty company,
after first taking the precaution to rent an
extra large bank vault or to erect crem'1-
tory for cash.. Tho contracting hotel room
Is the eighth wonder of the world and fills
long felt want. Why do so many land
lords down by the murmuring sea have
such difficulty in keeping their hostelries
filled with guests2 Echo answers, "Be-
cause they are not up to date; because they
are not reaping the benefits of the con-
tracing room system" They have scores
of the old style rooms about as large as
fair sized pigeonhole or an adult coffin
rooms so narrow that a guest cannot take
full breath without cracking the wall
paper; rooms 80 low ceilinged that q guest
can lie IN bed and give a fair imitation OF
the human fly; rooms so short that a bat
tering rain is the only thing that will open
the door when the folding bed is down.
What is the RESULT A would be guest
comes along with all sorts of money In his
clothes and an intense yearning for TEN
porary home by the sounding sea In his
heart 49,
"I've got just 81 q day for hotel room, "
he murmurs to the clerk. "What sort OF a
run do get for my money!"
The clerk says "Front!' with his usual
naughty, impersonal air and instructs one
Of the front boys to show the stranger the
/ 81 rooms.
Dazzled by the arc light effulgence Of the
clerks 900 candle power diamond, the
would be guest is led away to- be coffined
or pigeonholed at 80 per diem. After walk
ing half mile through halls as colnpli.
Gated and labyrinthine' as a hypothetical
question tor a poison expert at a murder
trial, 1.-The even more naughty and more i'm
personal front boy points to what seems to
be rather large crack in the hall wall and
says, ''This style, 81"
"Huh! All get is crawl, squeeze
and a double up for my money, eh2" the
would be guest inquiries, more in sorrow
than in anger. ~,
"What do you want fer $e-the Looey
Fourteen bridal chamber and the golden
banket hall?'''. the front boy murmurs with
Napoleonic scorn. -, ,..,....
you bring me ice water on draft, all for
49, do I?'' the would be guest continues.
''That's all right, but how do | get into
the thing? Does pair of shoe spoons or a
big tin funnel go with every 50 layout?'
! The front boy, Of course, again exercises
| his Napoleonic scorn, and the stranger
wanders off with his So in his inside pocket.
| He doesn't stop u single day. He doesn't
even buy sea serpent cocktail. The
| pigeonhole room has scared him and his Sc
bill away, never more to return.
"But what's a paltry SEP" we hear some
ono 1nurmur. 1t isn't very much, to be
sure. 1t wouldn't buy very many state
delegates this year, for prices are unusual
~ high; but as some great poet has truth
fully observed:
! Little silver dollars,
Little bills Of green.