The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1896-08-05
cULLED ANECDOTES.

AS the G. and o. train was pulling
out of Covington for Cincinnati, an Irish
laborsr, with his regulation tin dinner
can and clay pipe. stepped into one OF
the passenger cars, and, putting his
pail on the floor. enscOnced himself In
comfortable seat, with his pipe in one
corner Of his mouth. A moment later
the brakeman came in and, looking
around, espied the Irishman. Leaning
over, he tapped the man on the shoulder
and said:
IF you want to smoke, go forward to
the smoking car"
The Irishman looked at him cody for
a moment. and replied I'm not
schmokini, man."
You've got your pipe in your mouth,
haven't you?"
Faith yes," replied the son Of Erin.
''un I've got me fut in me boot. but
I'm not wolkin'."
A good story is told Of an English
family living In Norfolk county, who
possessed the euphonious name Of
Bug" As that term in England is
never mentioned in polite society and
signifies q minute insect noted for its
power of jumping, the family Of that
name did not appreciate its unique
ness. Upon coming into possession OF
some money they at once petitioned to
have it changed to Howard. Their
request was granted; but, alas for them.
the bugs Of that portion Of the country
were henceforth known by the more re
fined title Of the Norfolk Howards."
A doctor, who had a great dislike to
tobacco In any form, managed, in his
hurry at the railway station. to get into
a smoking compartment. A young
man sat opposite, putting away at a
huge cigar. After cycling him for some
minutes the gentleman at last addressed
him:
Young man. as a medical man let
me warn you against smoking. Ex-
peiience has proved to me that of every
ten men suffering from epithelium and
paralysis of the tongue, nine of these
have been caused by tobacco"
Sir" exclaimed the youth, "exper-
ience has proved to me that of every
ten men suffering from black eyes nine
of them have been caused by people
neglecting to mind their own business"
When Sala went to Australia he ar
ranged to deliver n series OF lectures,
and he was fond of telling an anecdote
about one of his platform experiences
there.
Il was describing to my audience"
he said, in my very best English the
coronation Of Her Majesty. I had seen
the procession from the corner of Par
Lament street and was telling how the
young grl-queen drove by in the state
liness of childhood's simplicity, the dig
nifty of sovereignty already seated upon
her pale young brow, with heaving
breast, "A hectic flush upon her blanched
cheek 1 was saying. her sweet pallid
lips slightly parted. a teardrop tremb-
ling on her quivering eyelid all showed
-'Bosh! suddenly murmured a buxom
old dame in the front row, and my in
spiration was gone"
The Westminster Budget tells q char
actaristic story of the late Rev. Peter
Mackenzie, of London Many years ago,
after delivering a lecture in a village
near Sunderland. he was returning to
his hosts house along a lonely road,
when he was accosted by a robber. The
latter was believer In the right of
might and requested Mr.. Mackenzie to
turn out all the cash he had got. "Well,
my dear man." replied Mr.. Mackenzie,
you know l am big enough to thrash
You. If it's money you want, I'll give
you half CROWN" The robber would
not accept this very charitable offer.
Mr.. Mackenzie "doffed" his coat and
gave him what tie man is now pleased
to call dashed good hiding" That
thrashtng did the man a great service,
for he atterward left the paths of vice
and became one of Mr.. Mackenzie's
many converts.