Crawford avalanche., 1896-11-26
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| Once the prettirst girl la the place;
But she's changed n great deal
Since she took TO the wheel.
| For she now has bicycle face.
| -up-to-Date.
Mother--Johnny, why did you not tell
me that you were naughty at SCHOOL?
Johnny-'Tisn't best to tell women ev-
| erything. Boston Transcript
| The young man who Is anxious to lay
| the world mt the feet of the girl he
adores. three months after he marries
her isn't willing even to lay the carpet
--Yonkers Statesman.
"I have been Informed that your
first attempt at long-distance ride on
your wheel turned out TO be highly
dramatic affair" ''yery. Ishad to
walk ck."-Cincinnat Enquirer.
"Bixby has given up learning to play
chess" TOO much for his mental cali
ber?" "No he hurt his jaw trying to
pronounce the names of the leading
players. s."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"It is shameful that the States have
| to legislate about wonien's theater
hats" why" We'll. 1t shows how
little influence individual men have
with their wives."-Chicago Record.
Artist fiatter myself this last pic
| ture of mine Is an excellent one. An
other Artist-My dear fellow, you don't
| fiatter yourself half as much as you
fatter the picture.-Roxbury Gazette.
"This," said he, as he inhaled the
| balmy October air. lis Indian summer
'T always maintained" she replied.
''that the Indians were capable OF good
work If given the chance. Chicago
News.
Smith, sec that bullet from one
Of those new rifles will kill six men,
standing one behind another. Thomp-
son-You don't say? In that case,
man might just as we'll go to the front.
Puck.
BobBy-Ma, you said that wasn't to
eat that piece OF cake In the pantry
because 1t would make me sick. Moth
er-Yes,. Bobby. Bobby (convincingly)
But, ma, it hasn't made me sick.-An-
swers.
Here am" remarked the India
rubber man. But no one seemed to pay
any attention to him until he coiled
himself up into a four-in-hand and tri-
umphantly shouted: Here am knot"
New York Journal.
Little Ethel-I wonder why men like
to talk about their old school days?
Little johnny s'pose after they got
fo al ~ tn MI
out where the teacher lives, so they can
lick him.-Comic Cuts.
"Mrs. Digby has husband that real
ly thinks something OF her" What
has he done:' "Why, instead of bet
ting TO win a hat for himself on the
election, he bet a new bonnet for his
wife."-Chicago Record.
A forced convert.-"Say, Weary, wor
are you waikin' round in yer bare foots
ferr I'm trying dis yere new Kncipp
cure" "Wot fer, Weary" "'Canse
some dingblasted snoozer stole me
shoesr'-Cleyeland Plaindealer.
"This honey doesn't look to be pure"
said the cautious grocer But, man,"
earnestly replied the apiarist. ut has
to be pure. You wouldn't expect man.
In the bee line to be crooked; now.
could you ouY'-Indianapolis Journal.
Can you support my daughter in the
style to which she Is accustomedT'
asked her father. Pretty nearly" re-
plied the sutor. "Of course l can't
keep up the engagement luxurlcs have
given her forever."-Harpers Bazar
1--WE noticed an Indian hanging
around the entrance for several days."
said the theatrical manager. do you
know who he Isl" IL strongly suspect
that he's a scalper," replied the ticket
apent.-Philadelph North American.
First Student-What makes you look
so melancholy? Second Student L have
been fooled / asked my father 10 send
me sixty marks to pay my tailor. and
n few days later l received there
ceipted tailor's billv'-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.
Father-Wait a year, my son, aud you
may feel very different. Son conf
dently)-Tve tested my love FOR Miss
Higgins thoroughly. and know 1t cam
not change. I've played golf with her,
and l still want her for my Wife
Household Words.
"What are those golf-sticks for?'
asked the manager OF the small theat-
rical venture. That's little idea OF
nv own. We can use 'em when we're
walking home and make believe that
we're just out enjoying ourselves
Washington Star.
sswelI," remarked the wife OF the
man who had changed his milsd about
coming to Congress, "you have clear
conscience, anyhow" II know that"
was the comfortless reply; "but clear
conscience isn't what j was running
r.''-Washfngton Star.
Nipper--So poor old Soalsby is gone?
Proprietor Blue Light Saloon-Ycs. he's
gone. but not forgotten. For more'n
a year I've given him a free drink
every mornin', ane now he's left will
beoueathin' his mornin' drink to his
hrother.-Co -Covington Post.
"Tm all In the dark about how thesc
bills are to be paid" said Mr.. Rsxdrz9
to his wife "Well, Henry" said she.
as she pulled out a yellow one and laid
It on top Of the pile. you will be IL
you don't pay that one, for that's the
gas Washington Capital
Mrs. Brown-Did you have a good
time at the party last evening? Mrs.