Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1896-08-31
FACTS AND FANCIES.

A whipped schoolboy can often give out
almost as much blubber as whale
Florida Times Union.
Milstone- MY college has turned out
some great men" Philston-'What
were YOU turned out for Y"-Tid-Bits.
Mrs. Quiverful (sternly)- What was
going on in the parlor last night:' Eth
el fblushing )-"Only my engagement
ring, mamma. Life.
Parental Solicitude-"Y mustn't
put needles in your mouth, dear" said
Mrs. Tyte-Phist to her little daughter.
cit rusts them. Chicago Tribune.
Arthur-"Are you sure she loves your
Jack-'Yes. When l told her | had
no money TO marry on she asked me
if / couldn't borrow some" -Puck.
Sometimes said Uncle Eben, ser
man puts On er long face an says he's
discouraged when he's simply too lazy
ter try again. Washington Star.
Where are you going, my pretty maid?'
I'm going a-scorching, SIR she said. =,
May go with you, my WlnSome lass!
You can if you ride in the 2:20 class. "
Did you get a nice changy and rest
at the resort, Bulllley?'
mo; my daughter got most of my
change and my wife got the rest. De
troit Free Press.
Tommy-"What do the papers mean
when they say Comment is superflu-
Gus?
the article doesn't know what to say"
Now, Billy, tell us how you know
when Sunday comes"
y es'm. 1 allus knows it is Sunday
coz grandpa won't femme sing 'Henriet
ter, she's corker.' Detroit Free
Press.
'gThar's sign up thar, daddy, what
says, Don't blow out the gas
''Well, who bowed it out? | jest hit
it a lick with my britches, an [ hahn t
seen nothin' Of it sencew-Atlanta Con
stitution.
Bobby-.s.P!3opper, what is a special
Mr.. Ferry-"A special providence, my
son, is when we get something good that
by rights belonged to somebody else. p
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Mrs. Jimsmith-"George, what does
In hoe sgno vinces' mean?'
Jimsmith-'1 don't precisely know,
but judging from the first two words,
should conclude that the ancients, too,
had their troubles. Buffalo Express.
She-''You know, my dear, | was
obliged to get a new bathing suit The
last one was ruined in coming. | had
it sent by mail"
-''Humph! Well, from the size of
it presume this one came by telegraph"
Truth
THE BOHEMIAN'S DREAM.
am not sad, though sadness seem
To sit upon my brow;
| had q Notwithstanding dream,
But | am better now.
1 dreamed that had boundless wealth,
But that-oh, just to think!
In order to preserve my health
| couldn't smoke CT drink.
Cleveland Leader.
s'It seems to me, Thomas said Mrs.
Cleyerton, 1T would be waste of money
to buy a tandem when we have two
bicycles already"
THAT'S just like a woman" retorted
Mr.. Cleverton. Don't you see, Julia.
that when we go out riding with it at
night we only need one lanterng'
THE REASON.
Would you know why the pugilist battles
no more;
Why his fame is SO silent, though boist'rous
of yore
Why no more he strikes terror to peace
able men?
He has a sore finger and can't hold pen.
Washington Star.
The inquisitive passenger had limited
around until his patience had worn out,
so he asked the dignifed passenger:
s"What is your business p The dignified
one answered him: I'm a lung special
ist." The inquisitive man stayed still
for a while; then he broke out again;
''Say, just happened to think" he said
''Did you mean you are a doctor or a
prize fighter ?''-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Wheelwomen may acquire the art of
mounting gracefully by committing the
| following verse to memory:
To mount the wheel with perfect grace,
| First see the pedals are in place;
| The right the center half around.
| The left the nearest to the ground,
| Drw back the wheel little, thus,
To give it proper impetus.
! Your hands upon the handlebar
| Should be as dainty touches are.
Then press the right foot, till you see
! The inside pedal rising free.
! Don't be ia haste. The pedal, right.
Describes the circle, sinks from sight;
| But ere it meets your foot once more
| You're mounted, and the lessons DER.
London Answers