Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-03-04

TO nave q great uebi Oh cnofactSfs "".e
is meant Is that she can make herself
mighty dIsagreeable, and generally does
II. Mrs. Van WAGNER always disliked her
husbands scientific habits. She used to
say that some men were kept up late at
night by whlskey. and some by science.
but OF the two she preferred the man
who went In for whiskey. Mrs. Water
man. who lived next door to Mrs. van
WAGNER. had a husband who drank con-
siderable whiskey, and Mrs. Van Wags-
ner used to say to her. My dear don't
you grieve! When Waterman gets drunk.
you know where he Is. but when my
husband gets to work In his laboratory l
never know from one minute to another
whether he is alive, and all In one piece.
or whether he has blown himself up and
Is scattered all over the country In
NORMA million bits You see. the Pro-
fessor had blown himself up a number
OF times, which made his wife a little
prejudiced against chemistry, though ne
had never done himself any very great
harm. except when he lost his eye.
well. as was saying, Mrs. Van
Wagner was mighty opposed TO the cleo
tric-lighf, and nothing could induce her
to wear one on her head. She compro-
missed by wearing a light fastened to her
waist-belt, but she complained tnat 1t
was OF very little use when she wan,ed
to read or sew. Gimme an oid-fashioned
kerosene-lamp every time, she used TO
say. Some day this yer electricity VIII
blow up and kill the whole OF US BY the
way, did you ever notice that women
always believe that electricity Is Liable
to explode? l remember that whcl We tad
electric-bells put into our houses In New
Berllnopolisville, my aunt, vino fept
house for me. used to warn the servants
never to bring a lighted candle anywhere
near the wires, for fear Of setting The
electricity on fire and blowing up TIE
house. Say what you will for omen, you
can't honestly say that they have scient.-
fic minds.
"There was one thing that troubled
the Professor. He had his electric-lights
rugged up in the top Of his hat, as 1
believe | told you. This was all right
when he took his walks abroad. but 1t
wasn't quite so convenient In the house.
Every time the Professor wanted light
he had either to call the maid or his
daughter, or his wife, or else he had TIC
nut on his hat. Now he had fashion OF
reading in bed, and he found 1t mighty
awkward to go to bed with his hat on,
which was what he had to,do II ne want
ed a light to read by. One day happy
thought struck him, and he told his wife
that he had solved the problem Of his
headlight at last.
"a glass eve isn't OF very much use,
except for show, and this was refiec-
,,on that had always annoyed the Pro-
fessor. ever since he began to wear
glass eve. He now saw his way TO make
the eve useful and to give himself the
most convenient light that man ever
had. His idea was 10 make glass eye
wr.b an incandescent fibre in the middle
Of IT, and to run il by a storage-battery
i'm his waistcoast pocket. So he went 10
work. and, being very ingenious WORK.
man. as well as man brimful OF SCIENCE
he turned out a glass eye tnat couidh
be distinguished from natural one. 80
far az appearances went, and that had an
eIectric-light of six-candle power IN the
middle of ii. A..
"Tt was the biggest success that the
Professor had ever had. Wherever ne
went after dark that eye was blazing
away and lighting up the path. When ne
wanted to read there was MS Heht lib
lust the handiest place 1t could possibly
have been. The fine wires that ran rom
I, down to his waistcoat-pocket were con-
ceaIed under his hair. so that hardly any
bodv would notice them; and when he
wanted 10 put his light out, or to turn IL
on. all he had to do was TO put his nnger
and thumb into his pocket. Then, again.
the thing operated like dark lantern, ior
whenever the Professor wanted 10 turn
his llght off in a hurry. and without rum
hing for the button IN his pocket, all ne
had 10 do was TO shut his eye. The nghl
would keep on burning behind the eyehu'
hut II wouldn't be bright enough 10 at
tract attention.
"The day the Professor got his new
cve-light into working order NE wire
wasn't at home. having gone out 10 spehu
the day and evening. He lii himseli up
early In the evening and. Keeping IN me-
room. ne wasn't seen by anybody. When
,,t,h, c,roe on he went to bed early,
so as 10 enjoy the luxury OF reading
I'm he'd. He took the storage battery out
OF mis- pocket and put it under the pillow,
and when ne tad stretched himself out
in he'd with a book in his hand and ms
eve blazing away with six-candie power.
he was about the happiest man In az
New Berilnopolisville. He read and read
until he began 20 get sleepy, anu tneh nc
nut down his book and thought over
lot OF scientific things. till he accidentally
fell asleep. 1 told you he could close the
ia over the Illuminated eve IL he wanted
10 hut as rule he didn't close that TO-
but slept with II open. Mrs. van wage
ner came home In the course OF time,
and naturally went up TO her bedroom.
she was a strong-minded woman, who was
about as likely TO steal sheep SIS 10
faint away. but she admitted Afterwards
that when she entered the room ana saw
the Professors eye blazing at its level
hest she came nearer dropping on the
floor than she had ever done before.
However. she pulled herself together and
woke the Professor up. She never said
lust how she did II, but It's my idea that
he was walked up suddener .han a man
was ever walked before. She tod aim
that this time that he had gone too
far; that his Illuminated eye .yas simply
hasphemous and that she wouldn't stay
in the same house much less in the same
room. with II. It's bad enough for man
to sleep with a glass eye wide Cpen,'
says she, but when II comes 10 an lllu-
minated eye 1t is more than any Chris
tian woman Is called to bear
''The Professor was ordered TO turn his
eve out at once which he naturally did,
being small as well as peaceful,
man, and he was told that he must
never wear an illuminated eye again
This didn't suit him. for he was proud
OF his new eye, and then there is no
denying that II was very convenient
thing SO he said that he really couldn't
anord 10 give up one OF tne Hiost iih'
portant inventions OF the age Just be-
cause of woman's whim, and he stuck
TO this view OF the case all through the
night The next morning Mrs. Van
WAGNER went home to her mother and
brought a suit for divorce against the
Professor on the ground OF cruel and in
human treatment When the case came
on to be tried the Professor was conf
PEELED to show the practical working OF
his Illuminated eye to the jury, and they
found a verdict for the PLAINTIFF without
leaving their seats.
"The Professor didn't seem to care