Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-08-06
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l am placed between two issues,
And | don't know which | like.
If I 90 down to tho Spa shore

And l don't know which | like,
If l go down to the seashore
shall have to pawn my bike
Chicago Record.
what figure do you like best in the
quadrille" yours, mss.'-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Lord Nocount (proudly)I can trace
my descent from William the Con-
queror. Cyna cus-You have been Il
long time on the downward path
Truth.
Mabel-And SO he had the assurance
to demand that you marry him. What
did you say? Ethel told him the
supply was not equal to the demand
Truth.
The deaf man no longer needs
To walk the railroad ties;
The scorcher finds him on the street
And watts him to the skies.
Indianapolis journal.
Cumso-Well, Johnny how do you
like your new teacher? Johnny--Not
much. She doesn't know anything. To
day she asked me who discovered
America -Brooklyn Life.
"Now, Eleanor, you weigh 1870 pounds
and the weight gauge on the hammock
registers 300 pounds. Where did that
other ITO pounds come from?" From
N-new York, l think.
II see the Jacksons have put screens
all around their piazza" Yes. and l
have my opinion of people who are so
cfin hof lot Cif
on their porch. Chicago Record.
Make hay while the sun shines
Is advice often needed.
MAKE love while the moon shines"
Is oftener needed
Washington Star.
Bloomer-That man Crafty, why. he
doesn't know enough to come in out
of the rain. Gloomer-Yes; but he
does know how to hold on to an UNI
brella.-Philadelphi North American.
Miss Keedick-DiG you know that the
wealthy Ruth StOpaclock was married?
Miss Fosdick-No: is she? Miss Kea-
dick-YeS. Miss Fosdick-NoW l know
why people cali it The almighty dollar.
Judge.
Teacher-Willie, you are to stay in
after school and do three extra exam
pies. Willie-What! and get put out of
the Scholars Union for workin' over
time? l will, don't think! -Cincinnati
Enquirer.
'But what makes you think that
Dawber would make success as sign
painter?'' "He hasn't the least idea
of punctuta ton. and if he ever spells
word right it is only by accident. =
Boston Transcript.
He told her he had lost his heart,
AS nc gazed in her lovely eyes;
But. alas! the cruel n.uid answered:
''Why don't you advertisers
-Up-to-Date.
Miss Fly is so clever; she can sell
women shirt waists that fit every
time 'Pooh! Miss Clipper is more
clever still; she can sell them shirt
waists that don't ft'-Chicago Rec
ord.
Visitor-What makes you so ugly,
Tommy? Don't you love your new
baby brother? Tommy (viciously)--
Well, | did till somebody came in and
said he looked like me.-Somerville
Journal
She-How provoking this is! I've
been waiting an hour for the tide to get
up. He-Yes; but you shouldn't get
impatient. Remember it's been ont
nearly all night Woonsocket Report
er.
I'LL noI
getting stout, aren't you? Dobson-
Well, I was getting stout, but since /
bought my wheel l have been falling
off derably.-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
She-Do you remember, Jack, this
day one year ago you offered me your
hand and heart and | cruelty refused
you? IL have thought better of it
since. He-Umph! So have I.--New
York Herald.
Hobson-How do you stand on the
currency question, Dobson? Dobson-
I'm awfully sorry, old man, and I'd
be glad to accommodate you, but the
fact is, I'm broke.-New York CONNER
cial Advertiser.
Man with awful toothache meets a
friend and tells him his woes. The
friend-Ah, had just as bad tooth
ache as you yesterday, and / went
home, and my wife pitied me, and kiss
ed me, and made SO much Of me that
the toothache disappeared. You take
my tip. The achyne-Is your wife at
home now, do you think ?-W oonsocket
Reporter.