Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-05-11
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Zine feathers do not make hne BIRDS.
But every harum-scarum
Is not a prince; so heed my words.
If you've fine feathers, wear 'em.
-Harper's Weekly.
I'm battle musicians are always kept
in the rear" "That's not fair. Many
of them richly deserve killing."-Chi-
cago Record.
Il never destroy a receipted bill, do
you?" said Bunting to Giley. 81 don't
thing l ever saw one" replied Giley.-
Amusing Journal.
''If l had your pull" said the small
boy who was struggling with a large
kite in March breeze, Il could git
purity high up in the world, too."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
On the ball now keep your eye;
In a month or more
You will hear the same old cry:
"Mister, wot's de score?"
Philadelphia Record.
Il had always been an American un-
til | went around curve in a cable
car this morning "What difference did
that makeY' Then became Lap
luuueT. Lille.
r. r. Official-"You may not believe
it, but this dining car cost $4,000"
Planetree-"How long has it been rum
ming" Just week" paid for it.
self yet?"-Life.
81" walled the poetic young man,
IAN ever misunderstood" ''Then,"
asked the practical girl, "why do you
not try to talk United States ?-Indian-
apolis journal.
Jinks-"What's the cause of this
twaddle about elevating the stage, I'd
like to know" Filkins-"Want to get
1t above the level of the women's hats,
/ suppose. Brooklyn Life.
Dukane-Young Spifiins is the LATEST
man l ever knew. Gaswell-Indeed?
Dukane-Yes, indeed! Even when he
has nothing to do he is too lazy to do
lt.-Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegrap
you say he is a remarkable man"
very" IN what way?" Hes the
only scientist in the country who has
not made an important discovery rela-
tive to y rays. Chicago Evening Post.
He went out west to find place,
Where he could have full swing,
Then stole a horse in Cripple Creek
And got that very thing.
New York Herald.
Charley Harduppe-"What do you
mean by sending my clothes home G.
o. D.? Didn't l have running ac-
count with youY Kustem Made
"Yes. But it is all run out" Brooklyn
Life.
Tall Shopper-"Will you please tell
me how long these skirts are?" Clerk
(superciliously)-"T are the regular
length, madam" Tall Shopper (meek-
ly)-"Ah, but I'm not."-New York
Journal.
Mrs. Moneybags-"Yours sons eXtrav-
ngance is increasing. He wants new
plaything. This time it is stable of
race horses" Mr.. Moneybags-"Thats
all right. | was afraid he wanted to
start a newspaper" New York Week
ly.
This world would be devoid of cares;
A resting place. where all is nice,
If coal would but come up the stair
AS smoothly us IL uOcS lle price.
Washington Star.
This is leap-year," remarked the
maiden, timidly, "and l am disposed
to avail myself of my seX's privilege.
Mr.. Tillinghast, ! love you. VIII you
be mine?" but can you support u
husband" asked Mr.. Tillinghast, anx-
iously.-Judge.
The old family cat awoke from a nap
before the fire and stretched himself
in the manner common to cats. Mar
gle looked at him with distended eyes.
My doodness!" she exclaimed; II dess
re tat's doin' t boil over" Judge.
"I'l kiss you for my sisters sake"
pray don't forget yourself" she said.
straightway took her at her word,
And kissed her for myself instead.
Truth.
"He stood at the top of the steps,"
she said, in telling about it afterwards,
''and l mustered up enough courage to
say: You know, this is leap year?
'Yes. What them "Then he leaned
and haven't seen him since."-Chicago
Post.
Perry Patettic lin the road)-W'y
don't you go in? De dogs all right.
Don't you see him waggin' his tail?
Wayworn Watson Cat the gate)-Yes,
an he's growlin' at the same time. |
don't know which end to believe.-Cin.
cinnati Enquirer,
There's only one girl in the world for
me-"
Is the song he was oft heard to holler;
And, come to find out, the one he adored
Was the girl on the almighty dollar.
-Yonkers Statesman.
"A fellow always feels satisfied with
himself after having taken a little
game" said the fellow coming out of
the restaurant 'Well, it all depends
on what kind of game he's been taking
in," replied his friend, who had been
out at the poker club.-Yonkers States.
man.