Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-08-10
JUST FOR FUN.

Maud-Did you enjoy your ride this
afternoon? May-Yes, but the horse
less carriage flies are very annoying.
That Miss Dawson is very stupi d
rocking girl. Isn't she Somebody
ought to persuade her to wear eye
glasses.
Mrs. Brown-Mrs. White has new
ss-changeable, | think. Mrs.
Black-Yes. It has been made over
half a dozen times.
Man to baker boy-What is your
dogs name, sonny? Baker boy
Ginger. Man-Does Ginger bite?
Baker boy-Naw, Ginger snaps.
Bennington wonder why church
yards yawn, as Shakespeare says?
Pemberton-Proba the epitaphs of
deceased millionaires make them
tired.
Tommy-Paw, what is a designing
villain? Mr.. Figg-Oh, the descrip
ton would apply to one of these
poster artists about as we'll as any
thing.
Teacher-As the twig is bent, the
tree is inclined. Do you quite under
stand what it means? Scholar-Yes,
sir. When bicyclists grow up, they'll
walk STOPPING.
Did you see lady go by this way?
asked wheelman of a farmer. Yes.
Just about that way, replied the tiller
of the soil, looking closely at the
wheelman's costume.
Are you doing anything with your
camera now, Madge? Yes, indeed. A
burglar got into our room the other
night, and Nan held him while took
his photograph by fashlight.
Annual bargain sale now going on.
Don't go to any place else to be
cheated, is the rather dubious man
ner in which New York furniture
dealer worded his announcement.
Rugby-Our landlady is one of the
most expert calculators in town.
Wilkins-Is she? Rugby-Yep. We
had beans for dinner to-day and she
asked me how many I would have.
And I understand, said the visitor
to the prisoner, that you have made
several attempts to escape. Yes,
sighed the former resident of Boston.
Pm somewhat dissatisfied with my
environment.
Wife-Only think of it! There are
1OO, 900 words in the English langu-
age. There was no need of mention
ing that, dear. You demonstrated it
to me when I came home from the
lodge last night.
She-It is of no use, Mr.. de Tone;
in my present state of mind [ would
not accept the best man living. He
No; see you won't; but at any rate,
you will have the satisfaction of
knowing that he has offered himself.
For my part, remarked Mrs. Pix
people are SO anxious to make silver
free. I should much rather have free
gold myself. And she resumed work
on her embroidery with an air of
having said something that even Mr..
Pilkington couldn't controvert.
Excuse me, said the clerk in large
shop to a customer, but our rules do
not permit us to accept battered
coins. Well, l received that very
coin at this shop in change only yes
terday, protested the customer. That
may be. There is no rule against
giving battered coins to customers.
First Baggage Smasher-Say, Jake,
I'm thinking it would be money in
our pockets if we'd begin handling
trunks more keerful. Jake-Why wud
it? Because the more we smash 'em
the bigger and heavier they make
'em. I've struck three this morning
made out of regular boiler iron. My
backs most broke.
Office Boy-Please, sir, can't go
to dinner now? It's almost an hour
past my time, and Pm awfully hun
cry. Employer-Hungry? Well, I |
wonder if anybody ever saw such a
greedy boy. Here you have been
licking envelopes and postage stamps
all the forenoon, and yet you COM
plain of being hungry.