Marble Hill press. (Marbel [sic] Hill, Mo.) 1881-1923, 1896-12-03

when married 1t was my luck to get a
woman with the sweetest disposition that ever
| smoothed the wrinkles out Of the brow ol
care. The result is that am lazy. shift.
less, good-Gor- nothing, unknown to fame and
in debt to the grocer. In fact, am the kind
Of man who shuflles around with his hands
in his pockets and an old corncob pipe stick
ing out Of the northeast corner of his mouth.
too burned happy and contented to get ouf of
the way Of runaway team if ii happens
to be comingin my direction, runs story
in Truth
When | see rich man, successful man,
or famous man, say to myself 'Now
that fellow had the luck to get nagging
wife. He had to hustle just to keep his mind
from his misery" Talk about genius. It's all
rot. It's nagging wife that does the bus-
ness every time. could instance number
of cases, but don't want to give the poor
suffering great men of my country away.
If had only been provided with wife
who would call me an internal ass about 'steen
times day, pitch my pipes and tobacco in
to the street, make me comb my hair and
waylay me with rolling pin every time
came back from political OF other discus
sion at the postofice, might in time amount
to something. AS it is. look at me, or rather
look the other way.
When | do occasionally take pen in hand
and do little work my wife insists that the
product is the best literature ever furnished
to the helpless American public. Every time
| write anything she assures me it is the best
thing ever wrote, and one time she even in
sSed that my penmanship was improving. |
tried to get her to change the formula once by
Copying out of the multiplication table and
otterin G it to her as specimen of my burn
ing genius. But she didn'ts see the Joke at ALL
On the contrary, she earnestly declared that
twas far better than anything l had ever
written before. n
And so it gees with everything else. She
is just as well contented with candles as
electric lights, with calico as silk, and with
pebbles as diamonds-although will admit
that she hasn't had much experience with
diamonds yet. l have begged her on my
knees to get mad at me and find fault with
me. have pointed out TO ner what might
become if she would only act as other mems
wives do. But she is incorrigble. | have
convinced her of tbe fact that it is all her
fault that l amount TO nothing. She meekly
Acknowledges the error of her ways and says
she cannot help it.
Not long ago tiled to startle her into
making some kind of protest at more than
usually insane proposition Of mine. went
home in pretended hurry one day and told
her 10 pack up Immediately, as | intended
starting for the north pole and taking her and
the baby along with me.
She was delighted, and began packing up
at once. And that night when she was put
ting the baby to bed overheard her saving
to our future PRESIDENT
"Would 'lm's blessed heart like to play with
the little icebergs3" To which The baby re-
piled;
"Yeeth, ma'am, wifi tunnin little baby ice
bergs"
The next morning informed her that
had abruptly changed my plans, and that
intended to start for the equator instead.
"Oh," said she. ''that will be ever SO much
more delightful And it won't cost near as
much for clothes and 'ood, and you, poor,
dear boy, you won't have to work nearly So
hard, will you?"
| give it up.
4, Whatar you going to do with woman
like thatS