davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

Conductor - softly, softly. Herr
Muller. You are not expected to play
first fiddle with your big drum!"--
Fliegende Blaetter.
Deacon Jones-"So John Carved ID
among the converted?" Deacon Erown
Yes, but Carvel is without a past;
he won't cut any figure at praise meet
ings."-Boston Transcript.
Teacher "What does h-a-m-m-e-R
spell?" -"Don'tknow, ma'am."
Teacher-"What does your mother
lriye nails with, stupid? Tommy
"A stove lifter."--San Francisco Wave.
Alas" exclaimed the counterfeiter,
that should have imbibed of the new
art movement. If had not attempted
that poster effect. should now be FREQ
man. Detroit Tribune.
Mrs. De Stoile-"Did you enjoy the
opera" Mrs. Fushion-"Vcry much
We had a box, and the B'Joneses sat
right opposite us in the circle 1t was
glorio st. Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
-Theater Manager-"Yours is tho
best minstrel show we have had mere ZOE
ten years. Where did you get on to all
those new jokes?" NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Of the end men got hold Of a file of one
Of last years English papers about .
year ago. Sommerville Journal.
Indispensable. ~ don't think 1
want cyclopaedia," said the woman OF
the house, but if you have got any nice
books for children" Great Scott,
madam!" exclaimed the unblushing
book agent. ave use this cyclopaedia
for children's book at our house alto
gether. They sit on II at the table,
Chicago Tribune.
A Remarkable Child.-"Come, little
girl, tell me what is your name and how
old you are?" asked an old bachelor
who was visiting the Yerger family
The child holds back and refuses tn
talk. Mother-"That's the way she 10.
She never likes to talk TO gentlemen"
"Humph! II she keeps that up, she win
make splendid wife some of thesc
lays."-Texas Sitter.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15
Emilio lIopcA.

A manufacturer OF farm implements
In an adjoining state, who is waiting
for McKinleyism to bring the promised
good times. mentioned his hopes and
expectations to the editor OF journal
devoted to his industry. In reply he
received the following: "iou have my
sympathy. not on account OF hvc-cent
potatoes and Accent wheat, but be-
cause of your extreme crcduhty IN
thinking for moment that the election
OF Mckinley will make anything better
than we have now. 1t is rot necessary
for you and me to quarrel about II; the
chances are he will I've elected. At all
events. il money can buy him the place
he will get il. -Four years from now we
will be just as much poorer than now
as we are worse Off now than 20 years
ago. It's all right, though. II takes q
good deal Of sweating to make people
see what is necessary. butin Gods time
II will come. I write you this so you
will not be deceived and expect Nc
Kinleys election TO help you pay any
bills."-St- Paul Globe.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

The man who has just taken gas and
had tooth pulled while under its per-
suasive influence was sitting in chair
and rubbing tho side Of his jaw. After
the blood had stopped flowing. he un-
bosomed hi msclf ad libitum TO the circle
of sympathetic friends.
Il have now been insensible three
times from interesting causes" he be-
gan. Once I was knocked ont in =
glove fight, once Twas nearly drowned.
and this time / have taken gas"
What was the difference in the SEN
sations p asked the man with the yell
low whiskers.
quite n good deal. answered the VIC
tim. II remember that when ] wan
Knocked out in n fight that there was
absolutely no accompanying phenom-
ena except a sudden rcd fash in my eyes.
A moment later found myself sitting
on the floor while they We're pouring
water on me. The back of my head was
aching where / had hit the floor, and
there was a scratch on my jaw. under
the ear. The other fellow had upper
rut me ms duclsed right-hnnder; his
wrist had caught my jaw, and that was
all there was to it. In ten minutes Twas
around as clipper rs ever. The time
was nearly drowned experienced near
ly all the sensations. fancy, that come
30 man about to die amid the waters.
End / want TO say right now that all
this rot of the novelists about sweet
music sounding in the ears and the past
life passing before one and the death
being painless 10 an Internal lie. There's
no death more terrible. The water
rushcs int o nose and mouth. every breath
isacutting. aching wave Of liquid agony.
your chest seems bursting from the
weight of your lungs and the feeling Is
enc Of oppression and suffering from
the moment the first drop of water
surges into the throat to the time you
die or are rescued. This time have
taken gas. and the sensations are more
like what the story writer's say OF
drowning. had good time while in
sensible, and was just arguing over .
bit of land with ncighbor when camc
to and began to spit out chunks OF
tooth. The after effects? Well, have
a pain i'm my gums and feel sleepy and
shaky on my pins. think l will take n
nap right now"
And the man who had just lost tooth
began quiet sir Der in his chair.--Chi.
cago News.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15
A pANDELlON.


q. Golden heart a-gleaming in tho grass
On fair morn o. May,
] stoo? TO touch you softly as pass
Along the common way.
Thinking OF one blue-sky and white-cloud
day
when, free from vcxlng care.
j pulled and curled your stems I'm childish
play,
And vove them IN my hair:
OR brcathcd across your phantom seed
sphere there
with wonder and delight
To see you. sririt-lilSo. rise IN the air
And vanish out of sight;
Believing while I watched your shining
Hight
Tho breeding, blessed Power.
Mysterious and silent as the llght,
Would hrins you back. "A flower.
All. sweet child-trust that bldcs through
sun and shower
In wisdom all unskIiled:
Af,c- long storms wiz come fateful hour
When Il Shan be fulfilled
Hopes winged seeds. through ell the years
unchilcd.
I'loom IT. IN, wayslde grass,
The flower comes back and with hear,
strangely thrilled
We bless IL as we pass
Anne l.. Muzzcy. In N. Y. Sun.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

One can never predict exactly what
will be the result Of railroad collision.
Sometimes the wrecked cars are piled
up in an astonishing heap; sometimes
they are telescoped; sometimes they
are turned over and over, or twisted
crosswise on the track, or stood up ON
end. as . baggageman loves to stand .
trunk. But perhaps the queerest Of all
accidents of this kind occurred recently
Mt Towanda, Pa, where a locomotive
drawing train at full speed ran into
three box cars standing on the track.
One OF these cars was lifted bodily, and
almost uninjured, on top Of the loco
motive, smashing the smokestack and
part of the cab. There 1t remained firm
" in place, and the locomotive carried 10
to the town of Waverly, near by. whcra
n photograph was made. showing thu
car on it's lofty perch. - Scientific
I American.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15
PROUD OVER LITTLE.
A Rotten Record Brinss Pride to the
Republicans.

I6evuOltC0uSs
Some Of the republican organs ere
presenting the record Of the house M
Washington as lone to be proud Of"
They swell with qualification over the
fact that all the appropriation bills
have been passed!
There was never any trouble in get
ting appropriation bills passed BY .
republican congress. Under Reeds
rule in the Fifty-frst congress the
house spent billion dollars, and
the speaker was very proud OF It..
But he was not so pulled up when the
returns came in the next November and
be saw his party buried under an ava
lanche.
Is II thing to be proud of that the
house has appropriated $20,oo0.oo0 or
more in excess of the revenues ana
made but one effort. and that not an
honest one, to supply the dehciencyf
Was the unconsidcrcd Endorsement OF
the presidents Venezuela message
Joint action which checked the business
revival and cost the country millions OF
dollars matter to be proud Of?
II do-nothing. presidcntial-politics,
,ingoism and buncombe session Is Q
thing to be proud OF. il is the sort OF
pride which the good book says "goeth
before q fail" NY. World.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

"A man to be president OF the
United States needs good deal of a
backbone OF a superior order OF stiif-
nees. II he has been tried as governor
of state. and has been found out to be
akind-hcnrtcd. limp, everybody's friend
sort Of man. he Is hardly 20 be nom
mated by wise republicans. Is he? II Is
lust as well to think of these things be-
fore II Is too late. II will be easier now
than In the midst Of "A hard campaign
New Haven Palladium fHep)
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

Mckinney stands for doctrine
whose bencticiaries can afford to pay
well for the special privileges secured to
them under the bill bearing his name.
They can make no better inves.mcn'
than in buying enough official positions
Of the Mckinley stripe to enable them
10 run the United States government.
Once represented by their own pl'an
tools, they can secure such tariff lcgis-
Iation. such Legislation in the interest,"
OF trusts. combines and pools as they
may desire. One Of the strongest lea
lures OF the campaign thus far carried
on Is that the masses do not grasp TINS
fact or arc too npa,hctic to make the
fight on behalf Of good government that
It. suggests. Mckinley cannot DE fo'
them and at the same time for the pow
erful representatives OF syndica'cd cap
ital that nre behind his candidacy
Detroit Free Press.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

He Answered the Question.
y The following amusing passage took
place between counsel and witness in .
disputed will case:
''Did your father gre you no parting
admonition?"
"He never gave much away at any
time"
IL mean TO say, what were his last
wordsT'
"Thcy don't concern you"
"Thcy not only concern me; sir. re-
marked .hc barrister, severely, "but
.hey concern the whole court"
"Oh, al, right" was the reply. "Fathcs
said: Don't have no trouble WHOM II
gone, Jim, cos lawyers II ths biggese
| thievea wnhung.' "-TitbitA
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

Omission 10 do what Is necessary
seals commission 10 a blank OF danger;
and danger, like an aguc. subtly tints-
cv'n then when we sit idly in the sun. =
Shakespeare.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

The panic of 90 caused hard umes.
II was caused by bad monetary laws.
Every business man knows that Some
republican politicians admit 1t. But
the republicans saw in the hard times o
chance to score point and make cap
ital. They charged il onto the demo
cratic tariff. 1t was, with its slight
reductions, the cause Of the panic
Only q restoration OF the discarded
policy can restore prosperity. They
preached this doctrine necessarily
They knew better; their intelligent
business men know better, but they
are overawed and silent The mass
believe what their speakers and pa
pers tell them. Mckinley is the EN-
boliment, in their eyes. Of Mckinley
ism. He alone is identified with tina
policy. "What more logical than tina
the people should cluster about tn
candidate who most directly PROMISE
to relieve them through high tariff !?
This puts the situation into nut
shell. boston Herald tInd.).
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

The steel trust and all the Other
trusts depending on thought to be in
dorscd in the st. Louis platform They
are not less logically the fruit Of Nc
Kinlcyism than the nominee Of the con
yention will ben. y World.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

Hon. Mark Hanna has referred
10 Mcssrs. rlatt and Quay as mere
"political babies" Who Ia Mark Ham
ma running for president, anyhow, him
sclf7 or that other Ohio manf-lowo
State Register fR~n.l
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1896-05-15

% wind, II winter comes, can spring
be Far bchind?-Shelley
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-10-01
Highest of all in Leayening Powe-Latest u Report
R3>!A!!! Rskides
ABSOLUTELY PURE
ABSOLUTELY PURE

|
Rev. Bard will occupy the pulpit OF the
Presbyterian church next Sabbath morn
ing at IL a. M, his subject being, why
am Christian"
| Rev. Ham ilton Bartlett will hold COM
munion service at st. Michsels Episco-
pal church Sunday morning, and also
service in the evening.
The whole system is drained and IN
dermined by indolent ulcers and open
ores. DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve.
North Yakima Drug Store.
| DR.. Frank reports that the condition OF
Chas. Adams is considerably improved
and there are strong hopes that he will
regain his hearing although it will take
time.
Peter Bellies, former landlord Of the
Hotel Yakima. came over from Puyalluy
on Sunday and is spending the week
greeting old friends and taking in the
sights at the fair.
4. o. Keck returned on Sunday last
from his former home in Iowa. He re-
ports that money is extremely scarce in
that section OF the country and that the
silver sentiment is growing rapidly.
The HERALp's kittitas correspondent
writes as follows: The political prospects
are good for the county silver ticket.
Especially is this the case respecting
Flummerfeit, DEM, for treasurer; Stat
ford, pop, and B. s. Scott, DEM, for
representatives and Stinson, pop, for
sheriff.
The II. W. HARPER is pure whis-
key, distilled from the best corn ard rye
that money can buy and from the purest
spring water. Il is matured naturally
and not srtificially. It requires no adult
teration to give 1t a flavor and bouquet,
and it is as rich and pslatable as fine
old sherry II is a gentleman's whiskey.
II can be had of every reliable dealer in
North Yakima. Wash.
On Friday night of last weea two
tramps entered the Richeieu restaurant
and going into the kitchen asked for
something to eat. The restaurants have
been excessively burdened by these kind
OF people and lately they have been re-
fusing most Of them. They were der.sd
In this instance when one OF them clicked
up aud emptied the tin cash box Of s20.s5
and started for the street followed by the
shouting Cinnamon. Charley Gong at
tempted to stop the thief near the door
but the latter picked up catchup Sottle
and struck the con Of Confucius over the
arm. The hohos then made their way
into the street and while the shrill cries
OF the Cinnamon should have been suf-
ficient to awaken any policeman nc. one
OF them could be found.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-10-01
OUR GOODS ARE ALL PREMIUMS

Died, in East Kittitas, Saturday Sept.
%, 1896, OF pleurisy, Nettie, daughter Of
Mrs. Belle Fulton, aged IS years, three
months and 81 days. The funeral was
held from the Christian church, at e.
lensburg, on Sunday afternoon, the ser
vice being conducted by Rev. Walden.
The casket was covered with floral offer
ings, the tribute Of loving and sorrowing
friends, and large concourse Of people
followed the remains to their last resting
place. The bereaved family have the
sympathy Of the entire community in
in their affection. The father, f. F.
Fulton died on the 18th Of July last.
Mrs. Fulton is the sister Of Mrs. J. HI.
Purdin OF this city.
The union silver forces will hold q big
political rally at Mason's opera house on
Wednesday evening OF. 7th. Judge
George Turner and Col. Patrick Henry
Winston will be the principal speakers
and the announcement OF their presence
is an assurance that the opera house will
be filed to oyer-fowing. Those who ex-
pect to obtain seats must be around early,
as the speaking will begin at 80 O'Clock.
Families renting rooms to excursion
lists during the fair should bear in mind
that they are 10 collect their rent from
these guests, thus avoiding the confusion
which might prevail II the matter was
left to the hotels.
Many days work is lost by sick
headache, caused by indigestion and
stomach troubles. DeWitt's Little Early
Risers are the most efIectual pill for over
coming such difficulties. North Yakima
Drug Store.
The Seattle Post Intelligencer has Sc
cured the photographs Of some Of the In
dams in attendance at the fair to illus
trate an article. Among the pictures 10
one of Ma Washa Tanawachoot, an old
squaw who Is reputed to be 107 years
old.
Commissioner Higgins OF the Salvation
Army will be here on Oct. % and the
local corps is making plans for a big time
ON that date. The commissioner has
been in the army for % years.
John S. Miller, Of the banking firm Of
Miller 4 Hough, arrived from Helena on
Tuesday to look after his business inter-
ests and enjoy the sights OF the fair.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-10-01
LOCAL and COMMERCIAL
Short Notes Of News Gathered In and
Out Of The City.
ITEMS FROM THB WORLD OF TRADE
Personals. Business Announce
menss, Current Comment and
facss lnserweven TO suit "The
Heraldv Readers.

Lester Coffin is in the city from Lewis
ton, Idaho.
For choice fruits and vegetables go to
Kinsey 4 Co.'s. IS
Judge Carroll b. Graves is spending
the week in the city.
Mrs. Fred Thompson Of Sumner, is in
the city visiting Mr.. and Mrs. VIM. J..
Thompson.
Ladies, remember that II you buy both
cloak and hat Of Mrs. Cary you get big
reduction. So
Mrs. L. e. Sperry left yesterday for
Tacoma on visit to her friend Mrs.
Frank Sharpe.
Ladies should see those elk lined
cloaks with the "fly front" at Mrs. Cary 3.
They are the rery latest. 50
Register A. f. Smelling, Of the U. s.
land Office, left for walla Walla yester-
day, on a brief business trip,
Supt. F. w. Gilbert, Of the Northern
Pacific, is here with his private car. He
is accompanied by Mrs. Gilbert.
You can buy bran new open buggy
with single harness for $50 at M. Schorn's,
corner Front and Chestnut SITS. 2l-tf
John B. Davidson, candidate for super
Tor judge on the fusion ticket 10 spending
the week in the city accompanied by his
wife.
Schuyler Duryee, general manager Of
the Everett Land Co., is taking in the
fair and enjoying the sights Of Yakima
this week.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-10-01

E. G. Sterling, manager Of the Blewett
mine, In the Peshastin district, is In the
city taking in the fair and making 1t in
teresting for some of the boys who think
they know race horse.
Feed the nerves upon pure, rich blood
and you will not be nervous. Pure blood
come by taking Hoods Sarssparilla,
which is thus the greatest and best nerve
tonic.
Mr.. Abe Spying, representative OF the
Seattle Times, was among the Yakima
visitors who were attracted here by the
political debate.
II. J. Snively left for Spokane. on
Wednesday morning being called there
on business. He returned the following
night.
Willie Fulkerson, the night operator at
sprague. is in the city tospend vacation
OF ten days with relatives.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ed. Dixon, OF Golden
dale, are the guests oil Mr.. and Mrs. j..
E. Ryan this week.
The opera house for Monday evening
has been engaged for the Fast Mail COM
biHation.
The Portland Cracker Co.'s fine oat-
meal waters and oatine flakes at Kinsey
Il Co.'s. 80.
Miss Clara Kingsbury and Miss Patton
are over from Tacoma to attend the fair.
Finest Japan tea only Acc. at Kinsey's.
You can't buy happiness, but If you
are suffering from dyspepsia, scroiula,
salt rheum, impure blood, you may be
cured and made happy by taking Hoods
Sarssparilla.
Hoods Pills are easy to take, easy to
operate. Cure indigestion, billiousness.
25c.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-10-01

We have made a special effort
to get the very best goods at the
most reasonable prices. Don't
fail to inspect our lines.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-10-01

Hoods Pills are easy to take, easy to
operate. Cure indigestion, billiousness.
25c.
The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1896-10-01

While you are in the city at
tending the State Fair we would
request you to call in and look
over our lines of Dry Goods.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1896-07-31
PERSONALS.

Wiley Warfield has gone to Beaver
Dam.
w. ]. Dale is back from Beaver
Dam.
H. P. Figuers is recuperatlng at
Primms.
Mrs. F. A. Shoup has returned
from Sewanee.
Mrs. ]. H. Gartner leaves for
Primms tomorrow.
Mr.. Ed Turner is visiting at Ath-
ems, Ala, this week.
Mrs. Alice Smith has returned
home from Fayetteville.
Eugene Bullard, of Kansas City,
is visiting relatives here.
Mrs. w. r. Williams and children
have gone to Summertown.
Mrs. Mamie Bethuram, of Frank
lin, is visiting relatives in Columbia.
Miss Bessie Dale and Mrs. Nor
man Kirkman are now at Beaver
Dam.
Mrs. w. B. Greenlaw and children
are visiting at Winchester this
week.
Mr.. and Mrs. S. S. Fleming are ex-
pected home from Elkmont Springs
to-day.
Miss Mamie McGaw left Saturday
for three weeks stay at Elkmont
Springs.
Rev. and Mrs. A. L. Davis are
back from short stay at Woolly
Springs.
Mrs. r. w. Watkins and Miss Mag
Ingram will go to Elkmont next
Monday.
Misses Sallie and Willie Childress
relatives.
Elder f. j. Meacham returned
Wednesday from an extended visit
in Missouri.
Miss Florence Pennington, of Mt.
Pleasant, is a guest of Miss Cora
BrownlOw.
Mrs. John L. Jones and Misses
Hattie and Emma have returned
from Lebanon.
Mr.. f. w. Carmack was here the
first of the week, but has returned to
the bloody tenth.
Miss Shelby Williams, of Nash
vile, is a guest of Col. Heatman's
family at Ashwood.
Col. R. w. McLemore is visiting
his daughters, Mesdames Smithson
and Smith, at Pulaski.
Rev. D. f. Osteen, Jr., has re-
turned from Kentucky, where he
has been for some time.
Miss Pearl Howard and Miss
jamie Mcclellan are visiting rela-
tives in Huntsville, Ala.
Mrs. L. f. Polk, Lucius and Will
Polk, and Mr.. and Mrs. ;. p. Har-
Ian have gone to Beaver Dam.
Mr.. and Mrs. Tice have come to
Columbia to live. They have been
in Lewisburg for several months.
Miss Lizzie Leftwich has gone to
Leftwich to spend several weeks.
She was accompanied by Miss
Mamie rhweatt.
DR.. S. II. Payne of Paducah, KY,
was a guest of his nephew Mr.. ). p.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1896-07-31
Business Changes.

Mr.. Frank Swansburg and Miss
Swansburg, proprietors of the
Racket store, have bought j. S.
Rushton's stock of goods, and are
closing them out regardless of cost,
and some time between now and the
first of September, the Racket store
will be moved to the present Rush.
ton stand. The Racket has also
rented about two-thirds of the house
now occupied by Sharp d Voss, and
will cut an arch-way between the
two buildings, their growing bust
ness requiring more room than their
present quarters.
The corner building now occupied
by the Racket, after they move will
be occupied by G. G. Gross, with a
stock of dry goods.
Sharp & Voss will abandon the
restaurant business, but wilt con-
tinue their fruit and confectionery
stand where they now have it.