Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-07-20
JUST FOR FUN.


proved before being locked up.
A monument sometimes speaks the
loudest for the relatives who erected
it.
Men and women waste half their
time commenting on each others
comments.
Yeast-When did Belts lose inter
est in horse racing? Crimsonbeak-
When he lost everything else.
Teacher Tommy, what is meant by
nutritious food? Tommy-Something
to eat that amt got no taste to it.
"What very modest little house
the Ms live inn 81 should say SO;
why, even the doors are shrinking"
Old Maid-I want a good mirror.
| Cabinet Maker-Here's one, ma'am,
in which you'll never find a wrinkle!"
Bilks has a wild, dissipated look.
Does he drink? Not drop, but he
sleeps in folding bed that makes up
like sideboard.
ssIs she really so poor?" "Poor!
Why, it's one of the most pitiful cases
ever heard of. She's too poor even
to own BICYCLE"
A colored pastor in Texas demand
ing his salary, is reported to have
said: 'sBrudren, can't preach heah
and boa'd i'll Helm"
"Most extraordinary man in the
country who has such a manufactur-
ing plant of any description and has
not begun to make bicycles"
"And when you reached home, was
there warmth in your wife's greeting?"
warmth! That doesn't express it. 1t
was like record breaking day in Au-
gust.'
eWhat's the difference between
your sacred and your secular concert
programs? can't see any?" s'Why,
the sacred concerts are given on Sun
day!"
ssSay, mister" said the little Fresh
Air child, as she watched the cattle
enjoying their cud, "do you have to
buy gum for all of them COWS to
chew?"
Mrs Forefat-This being SO poor is
terrible, isn't it? Mrs. Topfioor-In-
deed it is. If we could only afford it
I would have nervous prostration to-
morrow.
'sHe's a bright writer, them"
''Bright? Why, man, he writes such
bright things that the people of the
paper he works on sometimes chances
over them!"
Distinguished Foreigner-Have you
nevaire met my cousin, re Duce lie
Montmorenci, ven he vas in re New
York? Plain American-No, always
shave myself.
Landlady-Wouldn you like a cup
of coffee, Mr.. Snoberly? 1t is nice and
fresh. Mr.. Snoberly- Yes, madam,
when Pm through with my steak.
Business first, you know.
Charlie Bondclipper-I haven't got
anything for you. Why don't you
borrow from your friend? Johnnie
Fewscads-W what's the use Of asking
him, he always expects to be paid
back.
Louise Harry, I hate to ask you,
but tell me, do you snore in your
sleep? Harry Sometimes, darling;
you know an active business man
doesn't get time to snore when he's
awake.
"Mary, I hope you took good care
of my animals while I was away?"
ssIndeed I did; only once [ forgot to
feed the cat" 81 hope she didn't suf-
fer?o ooh, no; she ate the canary and
the parrot"
Murdo eh-O mamma, see the car
riage wheels making successful rebel
/. lions! Mamma-What do you mean,
dear? Murdoch Why, mamma, teach
er said that revolutions are successful
rebellions.''
'Well,'' said Yuss, ssI've taken a
powder for my headache, a pellet for
my liver, and a capsule for my equity
foot. Now what puzzles me is how
do the things know the right place to
go after they get inside.''
ST was asked yesterday" said
Brown, the ladies' hairdresser, chow
a girls hair, which is now called red
by the young men, could be changed
in color. "Get rich," said I, land ev-
erybody will call it golden"