Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1896-01-23

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His wedding trip was very short,
For he was seen to falter-
He took it Oh her bridal train,
Descending from the altar. I!
New York Herald.
my husband and 1 are to have our
portraits painted "By battle paint
er"-New York Times.
81 am going to Venezuela. You may
never see me again" Then lend me
ten dollars" New York Times
The Bachelor-It's easier to break
things than to make them. The Engag-
ed Man (dubiously)-I don't know about
philadelphia Record.
Teacher-What is the chief end Of
man? Pupil-The barber thinks it is
the head, but the bootblack thinks it
is the feet.-Boston Transcript.
He-Where there's SO much smoke
there must be some fire! She-But it is
not on that end of the cigarette. where
the smoker is.-Boston Transcript.
"Good resolutions, Charlie, are a great
thing on the first of the new year,
Eyes, know, Jack; but they get to be
an old story on the second Judge.
"What a remarkable head of hair
your boy has, Mrs. Ruggleson!' Eyes,
but it's all wasted. He just won't learn
to play the piano."-Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Shopleigh-Is it any trouble to
you to show goods? Mr.. Cashcall-No,
ma'am. But it's good deal of trouble
to sell them sometimes."-NewY York
Herald.
Salesman-Do you want to have your
goods sent by any particular express?
Customer-Ce Certainly, if you can find
particular express. can't.-Roxbury
Gazette.
Old Bullion-What! You wish to-
marry my daughter? She is a mere
school girl yet Suitor-Yes, sir.
came early to avoid the rush-New
York Weekly.
With these bacilli in a kiss, I
With caution rare, they say,
She Kept spray of mistletoe l.
To shoe the germs away.
Wa shington Star.
"By George, if l were in your place,H
said the officious friend, I'D apply for
divorce" 'I'd like to- admitted Mr..
n. Peck, "but she won't let me."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
Mistress-I can't say that you were
always respectful, Bridget; still I will
put it in the recommendation. Bridget
Thank you, ma'am. An I'll say the
same thing Nv you.-Truth.
Miss PASSED. understand You do
handsome work and make very pretty
pictures. Photographer-Yes miss; but
1 could make a natural likeness of you.
if you prefer Philadelphia Record.
"How did Miss Jones become literS
airy success so suddenly?'' ooh, she hit
OH such charming idea she wrote one
chapter of novel and let the public
guess the other forty nine. Chicago
Record.
Chappie-1m really deuced anxious
to know what the new woman is going
to do this leap year. Miss Cutting
Don't worry They won't be likely to
trouble anyone but the men.-New York
Herald
What have you in the past year won
That you at others faults should scoff2
You find that in the year you've done
Most all things that you swore off.
Judge.
"This talk of war is absurd, isn't itY'
| don't know about that" "Do you
think there is anything in it?" "Well,
| notice that Ponsonby has quit dyeing
his hair, and that he is walking with
a cane!'-Chicago Record.
Lorraine-Do you like Masie? She's
SO terribly brusque! Dora-No; can't
bear her. Lorraine-Then why are you
always together? Dora-O! Her bad
manner brings out my good one more
strongly.-Chicago Tribune.
Willey-It tell you it's better in the end
to be honest. Did you ever know a
rogue who wasn't unhappy? Shalley-
No: but, then, one would hardly expect
a rogue TO be happy when he is known.
--Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Needleson-Yes, we think great deal
Of that parrot. | wouldn't take hun
dred dollars for him. Pinns-He isn't
very handsome, but | suppose he's an
excellent taIker. NO, he is not much
.vcn to talking Wont talk?"
..''-ChicagO Tribune -
Dealer-A diary for ninety six? Per.
.,.rs this new style will suit you. Gus
.,lilsr- Rather small. isn't it? Why. it
stops win January Is! Dealer-Yes. it
is very c.DInpact-does away with the
unnecessary bulk Of paper that you
ind in the old-faslioned DIARIES
Judge.