Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1896-06-26
A SCIENTIFIC LINE.

Fishing, remarked the colonel, is like
learning foreign language. The more
brains n man has the more difficult it is
for him to catch fish or to learn languages.
You take child and put him in a
French school, and in six months he will
speak French like a native, whereas the
brainiest man in England might work at
French for six years, and even then he
would not speak it well.
AS for fishing, the best fisherman ever
knew was half witted darky boy. He
could catch more fish in an hour than any
six of the leading citizens of New Berlin
opolisville could catch in a day.
There was my old friend and neighbor,
Professor Van Wagner. He was in some
respects the ablest scientific man ever
met, but he never caught n fish in his
life except an occasional minnow.
Speaking of fishing reminds me of the
electrical fishing line that Professor Van
WAGNER invented. He and 1 had been
fishing one day, and neither of us had
caught anything worth speaking of. On
our way home Van WAGNER says to me:
1.-THE reason why we don't catch any
fish is the grossly unscientifc way in
which we go about it. When q fish gets
Oh hOOhJ 4 always AObO nm \
can get him out of the water. Now, II l
had a metallic line connected with q small
battery and could give the fish shock
the moment he took the hook in his
mouth, 1 could land him without the
least trouble"
VERY likely you could, >" said 1. but
where would be the sport of playing the
flsh?"
II don't care anything for sport, " re-
piled the professor. when 1 go fishing,
want to catch something and tell you
right here that I'm going to invent an APP
paratus that will catch fish every time.
If was n betting man, wouldn't mind
betting you that the first time go fishing
with my scientific apparatus III make the
biggest catch that has ever been known
in the state of Illinois"
And so he did, though it wasn't Just
the sort of catch that he wanted to make.
About n week later Van WAGNER called
me over to his house, which was next door
to mine, and showed me what he had
done. He had q fishing rod with a long
line fastened to it, made of thin, flexible,
braided wire. Instead Of u reel he had q
small battery attached to the rod, and by
pressing a button with his thumb he could
send a current through the line which
would astonish any fish that it might
happen to hit.
He had about half dozen hooks fasten-
ed to his line, and he explained to me that
If these hooks were baited properly he
would be sure of catching half a dozen
trout at once.
The line was as flexible as q silk line
but it was about as strong as a ships ca
BILE. Van Wagner showed me that you
couldn't break it either by pulling or
twisting, and that it would turn the edge
Of any knife that you might try to cut it
with.
Van WAGNER wanted me to go to the
nearest trout stream with him and try the
new apparatus, but I declined knew
that he wouldn't succeed in catching any
fish, and that he would naturally be disap-
pointed and express himself in scientific
language that might not be so easy to bear.
He was good man, but when things
went wrong with him he would use scien-
tiflc terms in a way that was about four
times as irritating as any ordinary I'M
scientific cursing would have been.
The nearest place for trout fishing was
pool about two miles from where the
professor lived and about mile from any
house.
l had told Van WAGNER about this pool,
for it was the place where 1 had once lost
the biggest trout l ever hooked, but ]
hadn't told him that the pool was the
property of Deacon Sammis and that the
deacon wouldn't allow any man to fish
there without paying for the privilege.
1t so happened that Deacon Sammis was
away from home that day, and the profess
or went to the trout pool and baited his
hooks-for he never tried to fish with flies
and sat down on the bank and started
In to fish without being interfered with.
Mrs Sammis, however, had seen him
crossing the field with his rod and basket
and being n woman who looked sharply
| after the family interests she resolved tc
| go down to the pool and tell the professor
that he must either pay or leave.
Mrs. Sammis was a young woman, be
| ing the deacons third wife and a remark
ably good looking woman,
When she came behind the professor
and said, No trespassing allowed here
sirl You can't fish in this pool unless you
pay So frstp' he looked up at her and ex
claimed: BLESS my SOUL What pretty
i womanr'
He didn't mean anything by 1t, having
a sort of habit Of talking out loud to him
self, but it had its effect upon Mrs. Sam
mis- all the same. She knew what the pro
fessor was and was mighty pleased to b
complimented by so distinguished a man
So she said: Il didn't know it was you
professor. OF course you're welcome K
fish here as much as you please. My hus
band says there's no danger of your catch
ing anything"
Mrs. SanHnis was an intelligent woman
and she was a good deal interested in tn,
electric fishing line. She drew pretty clos
TO the professor while he was explaining
the battery to her, and she said that sh,
did hope he would catch something, jus
to show how the battery would work.
All of a sudden d big trout jumpeC
clean out of the water. This excited Val
Wagner, and he started to throw his lint
just over the place where the trout haS
jumped, making sure that the fish wa
waiting for him.
Now Van WAGNER knew no more Rbou
casting a line than a baby knows. HI
swung the hooks over his head till the!
rested on the grass behind him, and thei
he tried to fling them back into the pool
with about as much Judgment and delicac.
as If he had been working with q nail.
The result was that one hook oaugh
Mrs. Sammis in the upper part Of the RICH
ear and another caught the professor II
the nape Of the neck, and there they were
fastened to one another by q bit Of lin
about foot long that couldn't be cut OK
cept by the finest sort of steel file.
OF course Mrs. Sammis gave a scream
when the hook went into her ear, an,
what with that and the pain in the bacl
of his own neck the professor lost his pres
ence Of mind and accidentally pressed tn
button of the battery.
This brought another shrek from Mr.