davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
His Mistake.

Clergymen are frequently good story
tellers, but, as a rule, a proper dignity
prevents them from wanting to appear
in that light publicly. The following
was narrated to q reporter by popular
divine:
In the days Of my early ministry, "
he said, II thought it necessary to i'm
press thoughts of salvation by every
thing uttered, and I am afraid I was
sometimes not altogether discreet.
my first work was in western
mining camp, and had to remain over
night at a rongh hotel to wait for q
stage to convey me to my destination.
At the table savage looking man said
grufly:
What might be yer line, young fel
ler?"
" Saving souls, I said solemnly.
'Ugh!' was the only response.
"After supper coarsely dressed man
approached me and said:
" 'Pardner, le' Is make some kind O.
dicker. We're in ther same line, an
thar amt room fer both. There's q
camp furder up the crick whar yo' could
do WE'LL
"'I think you arc mistaken, my
friend, said. am q minister of the
gospel.
"''Scuse me, parson, thought yo'
was q cobblerl' Washington Star.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
Not Eager For Service In Cuba.

Spanish soldiers are betraying an in
surmountable aversion to campaign in
Cuba, and desertions have been very
frequent Of late. This has led to the
adoption Of an extremely strict surveil-
lance along the Pyrenean frontier, and
all the trains running to France are
carefully scrutinized by the Spanish
gendarmes, to the annoyance and dis.
comfort of many Of the passengers.
Young men are subjected to severe
examination, and those who are unable
to establish their identity or give sat.
isfactory explanation Of the motives OF
their journey are compelled to alight
and are conducted to the gendarmerie,
where they are again piled with ques-
tions, all the deserters detected in this
way being at once handed over to the
military authorities. This often entails
considerable delay, and in spite Of the
watchfulness of the officials many young
soldiers still succeed in making their
way into France. London Telegraph.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
TIE DUDE LlSPED.
And He Like wise Efectually Disprove,
Av- r,I,aorv

And He Like wise Efectually Disproved
Dir. Hank Thompson's Theory.
One day, in the old days at Cheyenne,
when it was still the terminus Of the
great Pacific road, there arrived, all by
himself, young man about 20 years
old, who had such lisp and looked so
girlish that the rough crowd looked him
over in astonishment 1t was Hank
Thompson who finally walked up to the
young man on street corner and gruff-
ly demanded:
"say, baby, are you lookin for your
nursin bottle?'
''Thir, do you addreth me?" asked
the young man as he Strengthened up.
"You bet Whar's yer ma and how
did you happen to get lost?''
'My ma ith home, thir, and I am not
losth. You are very rude, thir.''
"You are very rude, thir," Knocked
the terror as be beckoned to the boys to
close in and see the fun.
1T theems to me, thir," said the
young man as he looked the other over,
"that you don't like my lookths.
"No, T. donth.
"And that you want to pick futh
with me?''
"A fuss with q baby. Ha, ha, hal'
roared Hank.
'Thir, can take care of mythelf.
"Don't want any ma to rock you to
sleep, eh;''
''No, thir, and want you to go
away before hurt you. When I'm
riled, I thoot.'
"Hear him-he thoots'' shouted the
terror as be laughed all over. "Say,
boys what is this thing anyway"
"Wath you referring to me?" asked
the young man.
"Of course was. Whose trunk or
carpetbag did you escape from?''
''Thir, I thee thath you want me to
thoot you, and therefore I will thoot
unless you 60 away"
"He will thoot! Ha, ha, hal Some
body git some sugar and rag. Mebbe
he's hungry"
II don't like to thoot, but I thee
musth," said the young man, and before
anybody realized what he was at he had
pulled out little pepper Of pop and
sent six buckshot bullets into Hank
Thompson's anatomy. The big fellow
staggered about and fell down, and ev-
erybody thought he was done for until
doctor looked him over and said no
vital spot had been touched. Hank lay
with his eyes closed for a long, long
time, but he finally opened them and
family asked:
"Boys, have I bin shot or what?"
"Yes, you've bin shot, answered one.
"Who did it?''
"The young feller that looks like a
girl and lisps."
"Great Scott, you don't tell mep'
Eyes, he driv six bullets right inter
yer carcass, Hank, and you won't can.
ter about for o month to come''
"And it was that feller?'
eyes"
"Waal, durn my hide. I've allus
heard that nuthin on the face Of this
airth could lisp and shoot, too, but the
fellers that told me hadn't never run
up ag in q raby. ."-Chicago News.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
But there was no answer.

So be stole to the door of her alesping
room and looked in.
She was lying on some cushions, her
head pillowed on one small hand and
clasped in the other single lotus bud.
Her eyes were closed, and she lay
still, although he spoke her name again.
"Little lazy one, he said, as he bent
over her, "wake up, I am herel"
He noticed that she had taken of her
sash and kimono and was lying in her
embroidered underdress.
Her hair was elaborately done, and
faint tinge Of red lay, like the dust on
q butterhy's wing, on the opaque white.
ness of her cheeks, where the thick
fringe Of dark lashes rested, stirlesa.
There was lamp burning at her
head, and another at her teet, and be-
side her was the samisen with which
she had 30 often accompanied herself in
her songs to him.
The room was full Of flowers, the air
heavy with their scent, and with q
strange oppressive stiffness.
Re stopped and laid his lips on the
hand that held the lotus, and ss he did
80 he saw that it clasped also ribbon
on which one word was written-"Sayo-
nara
And then he understood that for 10.
Aana-san there would be no more smiles
or tears.
he had counted on the simple, laugh
ter loving nature of the Japanese to tide
her over any passing grief or disap-
pointment, but some touch Of more ad-
vanced civilization had come to her
who knows in what manner?-and had
imbued her with the tragic despair, tho
passion and the pathos, the supreme re-.
lection Of an inartistic possibility, that
belongs to a more cultivated order Of
e1otics.
The flower he had plucked and placed
near his heart had fallen unheeded
while he stepped aside, and inadvert-
emily he had crushed it's bright beauty
with his retreating footsteps.
Some instinct Of kindred fate had
surely saddened Ko-hana-san's tender
fancy when she wept for the lotus bud
that sunny afternoon.
Poor little GeiEhal
She had tasted for the third time Of
the tree Of knowledge, and, not content
with having learned the lessons Of love
and of life, had mastered yet another,
that Of death.-In Town.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
BORES IN PARLIAMENT.
They Res,,ivo Scant Courtesy When They
Arc Guilty OF Bull.


Arc Guilty OF Bull.
Parliamentary manners are brutal In
Westminster when q member in debate
is convicted Of bull. A speaker with
an expansive oratorical manner recent.
ly astonished the commons with an out
burst of unconscious hunor. He was
speaking Of the ruin and exhaustion
wrought by misgovernment in Ireland
and worked himself up into fine fren.
~ of excited defamation.
"The population of ireland, ha ex.
claimed with flashing eyes and out
stretched arms, "has been decimated to
the extent Of two-thirds. -
The mathematical absurdity Of the
statement did not fail to excite amuse.
ment, although the bull was less obvi.
Qua than similar one attributed to an
Irish member, Major O'Gorman.
"The population Of Ireland" said the
contentious major in the commons, "is
6. 900, 900 less than it woald be If il
were an uninhabited island"
That was joke which provoked nm
restrained merriment among the bench
es. The Irish members are pardoned
many blunders, however, because they
are, with few exceptions, humorous
speakers, who enliven the tedium Of
debate with merry quips and jests. The
bores, who are constantly speaking with
unvarying dullness and diffuseneaa are
not spared when they make slips Of the
tongue.
A member who, In the course Of a
long, uninteresting speech, was careless
enough to say. "The time has come and
is rapidly arriving" was greeted with
wild howl Ct ridicule and delight from
tie benches. He was dazed by the up
roar, not understanding what the hon
orable members were laughing st, but
his Inconsistencies and stupidity only
served to prolong and deepen the mer-
riInent. It was the English parliament
tary method Of furnishing bore.
Good jokes are rare in the house of
commons. A neat epigram e1oites q
ripple of mirth, q flashing sarcasm stirs
a movement Of pleas,'rable surprise,
but the loudest laughter follows some
stupid aud inane commonplace from q
speaker TO whom the house is compelled
to listen too often.
"Iwould have proceeded to remark, I"
said pompous debater, IF I had not
already anticipated and repeated my.
SELF"
The sentence could not be finished.
There was loud roar Of laughter,
which Was prolonged and repeated wher
the speaker attempted to 60 on with
his speech.
It was cruel treatment, but possibly
it was wholesome discipline for garru.
lous speaker who had exhausted the pa
tience Of his audience on many occa.
siona.
Parliament Is the hardest Of all
schools in which to serve an appren.
ticeship in public speaking. MI. Parnell
learned to speak when the members
were bent upon interrupting him and
bowling him down, but few public men
hive the pertinacity and grit that he
displayed. He was never, however, q
bore. His manner in his early days in
parliament waa crude and halting but
be always had something to say, al.
though he did not at 1rst know how to
say it.-Youth's Companion.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
IF THIS WERE TWENTY CENTURIES
AGO,
II this were twenty centuries ago
And three wise men should seek my house

II this were twenty centuries ago
And three wise men should seek my house
and say:
"We bring glad tidings. Christ is born today.
Arise and follow yonder star. whose glow
Will lead you to the Child, " woald obey
II this were twenty centuries ago2
From out my urn Of precious. boarded things
Would make haste to pour the richest share
For him, the sweetest Of my perfumes spare
TO bathe the feet Of the young King of Kings
Or break the oostliest ointment on his hair
From out my rrn Of precious, boarded thingsf
Alas dare not say this would do,
Since have slighted many another guest
That came from God, have ataid from many
quest
That would have led me to the good and true,
To slumber on with head upon my breast.
Nay. nay. dare not cay this would do.
My best resolves like shifting shadows are.
Each day soma holy light shines on un'
sought,
And while my uilly. auttorine wings are
caught
By the worlds rosy candle, Christ's own star
How con I tell-might beckon me for
naught.
MY best resolves like shifting shadows are.
And when Christ comes again-as como he
will
And wise ones hasten forth with rapt delight
To welcome him and own his kingly right,
Will men be questioning and doubling still,
Az when upon that first far Christmaa
night
When Christ shsll come again. as come he will.
MAY Riley Smith in Examiner.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
HE GOT EVEN. (
A Virginia Justice Who Had . Grudgc.
Against Washington.

a Virginia Justice Who Had o Grudgc.
Against Washingto
A Washington man who ha6 some
business hef, one Of the smaller coultBl
In Virginia county went down there
ON recent Saturday to attend tosit.s
He found the judge befors whom the
matter came, and as itwas q merely
pro forma proceeding he had no antici-s
patton of trouble in getting it done.
When the matter was presented, the.
judge said:
mo, sah. If I transact that business
for you, will have to open cot and I
will not open cot for any Washington
man on Saturday. I" Y
"Wby not?'' asked the astonishedI
Capital City man. Z;
Because, sab, I went down to Wash-s
ington on a Saturday not long ago, and
not single judge was sitting in the
cot. am an attorney, sab. an attor.i
neg admitted to practice in Warrington!
cots, and yet because it was a Saturday,
I was not allowed to practice there.
sab, when I had some vital points to-
make, sat.'' i.s (;
swell, Il am not to be blamed for that. y
said the man from Washington. . Yon;
ought not to hold me. responsible for
what the judges do or do not do. y
"It makes no difference, sab; you are
part of the system, deviliah bad sys..
tenn, sab, and you must help to reform;
it, sab, and you are the first man ] have
had opportunity to impress my views
upon, and am going to make them felt.
Go home and reform your system OF
Saturday cots, and then come TO mes
sah." So 30
And Virginia got even with Wash.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
People Supposedly Cut to Pieces and Then
Put Together Again.

People Supposedly Cut to Pieces and Then
Put Together Again.
TIE cturt jugglers in the time Of Ku.
blai Khau made it appear to those who:
looked ON as If dishes from the table
actually few through the air. One Of:
the travellers who visited the regions OF
which Marco gives us come account
says, "A.nd jugglers cause cups Of gold
to fy through the air and offer them.
selves to all who list to drink. " And
Ibn BatrIta. a Moor who visited Caihay
a century after, gives this accound OF q
similar incident: s.
That same night o juggler who was
one Of the khan's slaves made his.ap,
pearance, and the emir said to him,
"Come and shew us some Of your pdar.
vels." Upon this he took wooden
ball, with several holes in it, through
which long thongs were passed, and;
laying hold Of one Of these, slang it in-s
to the air. It went 80 high that we lost
sight Of it altogether. It was the hot
test season Of the year, and We vera
outside in the middle of the palace
court. There now remained only q little.
Of the end Of thong In the conjuter's
hand, and he desired one Of the boys
who assisted him to lay hold Of it and:
mount. He did so, climbing by the
thong, aud we lost sight of him also.
The conjurer then called to him threes
times, but getting no answer he snatch;
ed up a knife as if in great rage, laid
hold Of the thong and disappeared also.
By and by he threw down one Of the
boys hands, then foot, then The other
hand and then the other foot, then the
trunk and last Of all the head. Then
be came down himself, all putting and;
painting, and with bis clothes all bloody,
kissed the ground before the emir and
said something to him in Chinese. The
emir gave some or1er in reply, and
our friend then took the lad's limbs,
laid them together in their places and
gave kick, when, presto! there was
the boy, who got up and stood before.
us. All this astonished me beyond meas.
ure, and had an attack OF palpitation
like that which overcame me once be.s
fore in the presence of the sultan OF ln.s
dia when he showed me something Of
the same kind. The Kazi Afkharuddin5
was next to me, and quoth he: Wal
lab, 'tjs my opinion there has been nei.s
ther going up nor coming down, nei.;
ther marring or mending. Ills MI ho.s
Gus pocus. MOAN Brooks in St Nich.5
Olas
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
JUVENILE LITERATURE.
In France It IL Prin to tho Extreme Of
L1sipidity. 5---a- q "

L1sipidity. $50 e
Literature in our country not having
as it's aim either instruction or ahuse-s
ment, but the production Of works OF
art, is forbidden to French children. !
except fairy tales. Perault has written
masterpieces; Nine. d'Aulnoy and oth.I
ers have followed him. The fairies Of
other countries may have been more
poetic, but they have never been as Wit
ty as the French. Leaving fairy tales
aside. children were obliged for O long
time to be satisfied with the very slight:
collection bequeathed by Berguin,s
Bouilly, Mime. de Genlis, those clever
people and who know how to coat moral
lesson with a thin layer Of pictures, as:
bitter pills are coated with sugar. In;
fact, this is the French parents very
ideal in the matter Of story books, and
to please them the lesson must not be
too we'll coated or hard to find. for the
spirit Of investigation ia not encouraged;
in young readers. b
During the past 30 years, however,
the meager library at their disposal haH
grown wonderfully. Celebrated pens
have contributed toward it. Weneed bua
mention Jules Verne, whose scientifcs
fairy tales have, alas, almost completely
dethroned those that appealed to thea
imagination alone. But neither IN hiBI
books, nor in those Of any of his conn
petitors, will you ever find what both:
English and American writer's currently
permit themselves to do-namely, TO ar
raign relative, as, for instance, the
wicked uncle in Kidnapped, =. to-
make teachers hateful, or merely ridicu.1
lous, as is the case in Dickens works.
This would be All outrage upon the re,
spect due them in the aggregate. Fee
this reason foundations are nearly al
ways expIrgated. The friendly sdere
tion ot poor Laurie by the four girls ID;
Little Women y would be. considered
very unseemly. Yet, for all that, they
were good little New England girls. z.
B. Aldrioh's "Story Of o Bad Boys' was
deprived Of one Of its prettiest chapters
the one about his childish lovef for o big.
girl. "It is useless, they say, TO dras7
attention to that hind Of danger. =
Authors and editors are often greatly
pe.plexed before this severe tribunal OF
French parents The difference between
the booka children are allowed to read
In FRANCE and those sought BY their,
elders, the contrast between the taste.
less pap on one hide and the internal
spiceness on the other, must greatly as,
tonish both English and American read-;
ers, who nearly all accept the same lit.
erary diet, young and old, parents end
children. .-Th. BENTON in Century
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
Doom Of the Derby.

The derby hat is thing Of the past.
Time was when no self respecting race.
goer thought Of presenting himself upon
the EPSON downs without white hat
and green veil. But this state Of
things exists no longer. Hats were con-
spicuous enough at Lpsom at the last
Derby, but the white hat was conspicu.
ous mainly by it's absence, while vei@
were few and fur between. Boston
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
II your children are subject

= II your children are subject to
Group watch for the first symptom OF
:he disesse-hoarseness. If Chamber.
lain Cough Remedy is given as soon
as the child becomes hoarse it will
prevent the attack. Even after the
rrcupy cough has appeared the attack
can always be prevented by giving
this remedy. 1t is also invaluable
for colds and whoopiny cough. For
sale By EilIU3s Drug CO.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14

Mrs. Tidaledewinks (from behind her
parer)-I wonder what this means. In
describing Miss Cupid's wedding tho
paper says abe wes married in the s'e1s,
tracting room. I" $500
Mr.. Tiddledewinks-Her father wrote;
the account, I fancy. he is Q dentist
you know. =
Mrs. Tiddledewinks-But don't:
quite see.
Mr.. Tiddledewinks-He probably
means ''da'Hdg room; ".-YMtlgslg
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
The insurance of buildings against
fire loss was practiced in Rome in the
time Of Augustus
wellington ON the Defeat at Lisny.

Wellington ON the Defeat at LSn5.
Next morning Wellington was con.
versiug with General Bowles when q
staff officer drew up, his horse fecked
with foam, and whispered the news Of
Ligny. Without q change Of counte.
nance, the commander eaid to his com.
panion: "Old Blucher has had a --
good licking, and gone back to Wavre.
1S miles. As be has gone back, we
must go too. I suppose in England they
will say we have been licked. I can't
help it: as they have gone back, we
must 90 too. ''-William N. Sloane in
Century.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
From Her Point Of View.

Both were very young. They stood
gazing into store window, admjring
the pretty frocks that children so love,
and turning to look at the ragged figure
beside her Marjorie said compassion
ately, "Little girl, poor little girl, are
those your bestus clotbesf''
"No," the other responded with q
solemn shake Of her head, "my bestus
clothes is wored out. ''-Boston Herald.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
Differentiated,

"Ostriches swallow rocks to help
grind their food.
'Yes, and poor, downtrodden man
grinds his own food and gives the rocks
to bis lapd!edy. "-petFQit Free Press,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
The Acme of knowledge.

Muggins-Is Bjones we'll informed1
Buggins-Yes, indeed. Why, he ao.
tually knows as much as the average
young man who has just been graduat-
ed from college thinks he knows,-Phil-
adelphia Record.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14

When dogs refuse their food, the
chances are for rain. 1t often happens
that q storm is foretold by dogs seeking
long leaved grass and chewing and
swallowing the blades.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
ANDERSON, S. c.. WEDNESDAY MORNING. OCT BER H.
"What did he say?"

"What did he say?'
Something about the wrong corner. I"
"Well, I've got his number, and III
report him for not stopping
Here q policeman came up and took
them to the lower side Of the street,
where the very first car stopped for
them.
And they both said:
"Well, the ideal" - Kansas City
Times,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
Just o Woman's Way;

Two women stood on the wrong side
of cross street that intersects Broad
way and sigpaleu The cable cars, only to
see them shoot by in the most aggra.
waiting way.
"Well, of all the impudencel'
"Did you everl''
"Why, it 3 worse than we read about. "
Here one CT the gripmen shouted
something and waved his hand back
wsrd,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14

Atilla, the king Of the Huns, was
called the Scourge Of God. The desola'
tion be wrought in Europe cannot be
read even at this day without the ut
most horror.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14

Russia produces eight bushels Of
wheat to the acre and might produce
twice or three times that quantity IL
the cultivation were as careful and sys-
tematic as in Germany or France.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14

The first United States piano was
made in Boston in 1928.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1896-10-14
CHINESE coNJURERs.

And Virginia got even with Wash
ington in one case. Washington Star.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1896-06-05

The late Bill Nyeadvertised COW
for sale as follows: lowing to i'll
health, viii sell at my residence in
Town 10, Range 1s, according to
government survey, one plush rasp-
berry color COW, aged eight years.
She is a good milkster and not afraid
Of the cars or anything else. She is
of undaunted courage and gives milk
frequently. To man who does not
fear death in any form she would
be great boon. She is very much
attached to her house at present by
means of stay-chain, but she will
be sold to any one who will agree to
use her right. She is one-fourth
Shorthorn and three-fourths hyena.
1 will also throw in a double barrel
ed shotgun which goes with her. In
May she generally goes away some
where for a week or two, and re-
turns with tall, red calf with wab-
bly, legs. Her name is Rose and
would perfer to sell her to a non-re-
sident. "