Birmingham state herald. (Birmingham, Ala.) 1895-1897, 1896-11-11
BITS OF WIT.

"Why don't you take something for that
cold you've got?" Great Scott! l don't
want anything for it'd give 1t away
If | could"-Roxbury Gazette.
Guile-I hear that Spouter is not en-
tirely responsible for the unfounded
charges that ne made. They say that the
audience egged him on. Quay-No, they
egged him off.
THAT man who sees double all the
while has Struck good thing" what
is that?" HE has steady JOB estl-
mating the crowds at political gather
ings. "-Chicago Record
paw" asked the little boy, what is
goldbug 2" "a goldbug, my son, Is man
who is worth $500 or $500, and Is of the
belief that we capitalists must stand to-
gether.' "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Rev. DR.. Angell-T am informed. my
good friend, that you're losing money on
fast horses. Frank Speede-Your intor-
nation is all wrong. I'm losing my
money on slow horses.-New York World.
my daughter is entirely too young to
marry" snorted old Goldrick. We'll,
replied the detected sutton, what would
you say to my taking her marriage dot
now and waiting a few years for the
girl?"-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Fogg-I was ashamed of you. The
idea of you leaving the church just as
they were going to take up the collec-
tion. Fogg-I beg your pardon, but l
was perfectly correct. motion to adj
journ is always in order.-Boston iran
script.
1.-THE woman I feel the most contempt
for" said Weekly Tenplunks, as he light
ed a fresh cigarette, lis she who, when
her daughter gets up and recites with the
expression of an oyster and the gestures
of a machine or sings in voice that
sounds like the death rattle of a water
- mo bap1V nri1Q in her
voice and eyes: And she never took
lesson in her life. either!
The village blacksmith was standing
under the spreading chestnut tree as ad-
vertised. There were no sparks flying
from the forge. and he did not look cheer
try" he unused regretfully, but I've got
bills to pay the same as anybody else. IL
| something is not done soon to bring
| horses back into popular use, therell De
| nothing left for me to do but shut up this
| shop and go into the bicycle business. -
| Washington Star.
Rockland-That's a. great surprise
about the Johnsons. 1 understand she's
begun suit for divorce. What was the
| trouble? Stonington-Oh, he accused
her of 'doctoring' her cyclometer, ana
she told him that he hired a boy to spin
his wheel around during office hours, and
one word brought on another until ne
got so mad that he cut a hole in her tire.
THAT ended it, and she's gone back to her
| mothers guess it can't be patched up,
| either.-Chicago Times-Herald.
| In speaking of hat manufacturers in
| England and this country, "Megargee, p"
| of the Philadelphia Times, says: "A few
| moments ago the expression gentleman
| halter was used. 1t Is a curious fact
| that in no other trade is that adjective
! habitually employed in connection with
| the artisan. Shoemakers speak of them
| selves as shoemakers, and tailors speak
| of themselves as tailors, but journeymen
hatters almost invariably speak of one
| another as gentlemen hatters.' This
| arises from an ancient custom. In years
| gone by the British sovereign paid a
visit once year to the lord mayor of
| London, calling upon him within the
| walls of the city proper. Such occasions
were distinguished by trades professions.
| During one of these events, when Queen
| Elizabeth had left the palace of St. James
| to honor the Lord Mayor by an annual
visit her notice was attracted by the gal
| liant bearing and neat dress of a certain
| body of men, concerning whose identity
| she made inquiry. Those she was told,
| are your majesty's hatters.' Hence
| FORTH. she graciously answered, let them
be known as gentlemen hatters.' and that
title is enjoyed by them even to this
day."