Santa Fe daily New Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1885-1897, 1896-05-14
HINTS TO TRAVELLERS.
How the Meek Wanderer Should Conduct
Hilnself When on the Rail.

HOW the Meek w anGerer SnOuiu
HiIaself When on the Rail.
The following hints and observations
have occurred to me during recent trip
across the continent. They are written in
no spirit Of complaint against existing
railroad methods, but merely III the hope
that they may prove useful to those who
travel like myself, in spirit of meek,
observant Ignorance
/. Sleeping in Pullman car presents
come difficulties to the novice. Care
should be taken TO allay all sense of dan
ger. The frequent whistling of the engine
during the night is apt to be II source OF
alarm. Find out, therefore, before tray
cling tho meaning of the various whistles.
One means station, two railroad cross
ing, and SO ON. Five whistles, short and
rapid mean sudden danger When you
hear whistles in the night, sit UP smartly
i'll your bunk and count them. Should
they reach five draw on your trousers over
your pyjanas and leave the train instant
ly. As Il further precaution against acct
dent sleep with the feet toward the ell
CINE if you prefer to have the feet crushed,
or with dc head toward tho engine if you
think it best to have the head crushed.
In making this decision try to be as I'M
selfish as possible. If Indifferent, sleep
rrosswise, with the head hanging over into
the aisle.
2. l have devoted some thought to the
proper method of changing trains. Tho
system which | have observed to be most
popular with travellers Of my own class is
something as follows: Suppose that you
have been told on leaving New York that
you are to change at Kansas City. The
evening before approaching Kansas City
stop tho conductor in the aisle of the car
you can do this best by putting out your
foot and tripping him-and say politely
''Do l change at Kansas City,"
Ho says, Yes"
Very good. Don't believe him. On
going into the dining car for supper take
negro aside and put it to him as IL per-
sonal matter between white man and Il
black whether he thinks you ought to
change at Kansas City. Don't be satisfied
with this. In the course of tho evening
pass through tho entire train from time to
time and say to people casually, "Oh, can
you tell me If l change at Kansas City:'
Ask tho conductor about it IA few more
times in tho evening. A repetition of the
question will insure pleasant personal re-
lations with him. Before falling aslocp
watch for his passage and ask him through
the curtains of your berth "Oh, by the
way, did you say ] changed at Kansas
City?' If he refuses to stop, hook him by
tho neck with your walking stick and
draw him gently to your bedside In the
morning whom the train stops and a man
calls "Kansas City all changen' APP
proaCh tho conductor again and say, Is
this Kansas City?' Don't bo discouraged
at his answor Pick yourself UP and go
to the other end of the Car and say to tho
brakeman, Do you know, sir, if this is
Kansas City," Don't be too easily con-
WINGED. Remember that both brakeman
and conductor may be in collusion to de-
ceive you. Look round therefore for the
name of the station on the signboard.
Having found it, alight and ask the first
man you sec if this is Kansas City. He
will answer: why, whore in blank are
your blank eyes2 Can't you see it there,
plain as blank?" When you hear language
of this Sort ask no more. You are now
in Missouri, and this is Kansas City.
B. l have observed that it is now the
practice of tho conductors to stick bits OF
paper in the hats of the passengers. They
do this, believe, to mark which onos
they like best The device is pretty and
adds much to the scenic appearance of
the car. But l notice, with pain, that the
system is fraught with much trouble for
the conductors. The task of crushing two
or three passengers together in order to
reach over them and stick u ticket into
the chinks Of q silk skullcap, Is embarrass-
ing for a conductor OF refined feelings. 1t
would be simpler if the conductor should
carry small hammer and packet Of
single nails and nail the paid up passen-
ger to the back of the seat, or, better still,
let the conductor carry small pot of paint
and brush and mark the passengers in
such way that he cannot easily mistake
them. In tho case Of baldheaded passcn-
gers the hats might be politely removed
and red crosses painted Oh tho craniums.
This will indicate that they are bald.
Through passengers might be distinguish
cd by a complete coat of paint. In the
hands of aman of taste much might be
effected by a little grouping Of painted
passengers and the leisure time Of the con-
ductor agreeably occupied.
4. have observed, in travelling in the
west, that the irregularity of railroad ac-
cidents is fruitful cause of complaint.
The frequent disappointment OF the hold
ers of accident policy tickets on western
roads in leading to widespread protest.
Certainly the conditions of travel in the
west are altering rapidly, and accidents
can no longer BIO relied upon. This is
deeply to be regretted, in so much as, apart
from accidents tho tickets may be said to
be practically valueess. I was brought in
contact with one very sad case of man
whose mother-in-law had safely arrived in
Denver from the west almost on the same
day that his five surviving sons arrived in
safety from st. Louis. The case was
peculiarly distressing one, since for some
time tho unfortunate man had found his
sole means of support in sending his boys
up and down over this route.-Stephen
I,pacOCk in Truth