davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Press., 1896-11-19
Wit of a Scotch Lunatic.

This lunatic asylum story comes from Glasgow: Two councillors of that city were taken over large asylum the other day by one of the patients, safe man. He had led them to a room to display view from a window, when some one shut the door, with it's self acting lock, and the three men were prisoners. The patient alone preserved his composure. While the councillors clamored to be re- leased he remarked:
 eff I were you, would be quiet" "
 No help coming, the councillors grew desperate. Beads of precipitation stood on their, r,.brows, and they fairly yelled
 eff I were you" repeated the patient soothingly, "I would keep quiet. "
 "But we're no daft, " pleaded one of the visitors.
 ''Hoots, mon, that what said masel' when I was brooht inp'-New York Tribune.
The Press., 1896-11-19
The Minister Did It.

"Kinneawi iuskCOtsker has the most unmnnugCable nane on earth. He says that there never was but one individual who cndcavored to designate him upon first acquaintance.
 "WhO was that?"
 ''The clergyman who married him. He looked at Kinney for moment, glanced at a card in his hand and then said, I pronOunce-I pronounce you man and wife. "--Philadelphia Gall.
The Press., 1896-11-19
Marry This Girl Ouick.

saw in your paper that 13-year-Old boy made $1.25 the first hour he worked selling the Perfection Metal Tip LampWtck. I ordered a sample and went to work, and the first week I cleared $10 the second week cleared $15. eX- pect to run 1t up to $25 week in the near future, as the Perfection Metal Tip Lampwick makes such beautiful white light, and does away with smoky chtmneys and bad oder. and saves oil, it is easy to sell. If you wish to try 1t send 13 tWo- cent stamps to Miss A. M. Fritz, Station A, St. Louis, Mo-, and she will send you sample out fit, this is good way to make money around home. 13W Mss TINA w.
 Texas has been aptly denominated the Lone Star State, from the appearance of a single star in the arms of that common. wealth,
The Press., 1896-11-19
A Chance to Make Money.

have made $1 $40 clear money in 87 days and attended to my household duties besides, and I think this is doing splendid for woman 1neXpe- rienced in business Anyone can sell what every one wants to buy, and every family wants Dish Washer: don't casvass at all; people come or out sells two or three more, as they do the work to perfection. You can wash and dry the dishes in two minutes. am going to devote my whole clear s, 900 year. My sister and brother have started in the business and are doing splendid You can get complete instructions and hundreds of testimonials by addressing the Iron City Dish Washer Co.,, Station A, Ptttsburg, Pa, and if you don't make lots of money it's your own fault,
 13W MRS. w. H.
The Press., 1896-11-19

MT. N. N. Osborn, we'll known at Wood stock, Mfch., was troubled with lame back. He was persuaded to use Cham berlain's Pain Balm. It gave him relief in one night. This remedy is also famous for it's cures of rheumatism. For sale by W. W. Lathrop, Stafford Springs; G. L.. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

Absolutely pure, perfectly harmless, and invariably reliable are the qualities of One Minute Cough Cure. Itnever fails in colds, croup and lung troubles. Children like it because it is pleasant to take and it helps them w. D. Heald, Stafford sl rings; G. L. Phillips. South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

Excuse me-" observ the man in spectacles, but am surgeon, and that is not where the liver is." Never you mind where his liver is," retorted the oth- CT. 'lf it was in his big toe or his left ear DeWitt's Little Eally Risers would reach it and shake it for him. On that you can bet your gig-lamps." w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs; c. L. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

Scaly eruptions on the head, chapped hands and lips, cuts, bruises, scalds, burns are quickly cured by DeWitt's Witch Ha- gel Salve. It is at present the article most used for piles, and it always cures them. w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19
Four miles of spiders thread would only weigh one grain.

To cure all old sores, to heal an indo- lent ulcer, or to speedily cure piles, you need simply apply DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve according to directions. Its magic like action will surprise you. w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

The Philadelphia Record says that some Maltese cats drink beer. Now we know why those cats that stay out late at night carry on so.-Oleveland Leader.
The Press., 1896-11-19

The first bank within the limits of the United States was chartered in Philadelphia in-1781. It was inoorpo- rated by congress under the title "the President, Directors and Company of the Bank of North America. '
The Press., 1896-11-19

The results of the election have made Chicago man prohibitionist. Some friends suggested recently that each man should drink a cocktail for every state bulletined for Mckinley. "Will ] ever," he asks, "drink any more cocktails dur ing the residue of my stay on earth ? Not if I should live to be as old as Methusa- leh. The absorption of about thirty in tionist, and with the recollection of my feelings on the morning of November 4 still fresh, think I'd even chance free silver rather than another cocktail"
The Press., 1896-11-19

The length of life may be increased by lessening it's dangers. The majority of people die from lung troubles. These may be averted by promptly using One Minute Cough Cure. w. b. Heald, Staff ford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Gov entry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

Soothing, and not irritating, strength ening, and not weakening, small but eff fective-such are the qualities of eWitL's Little Early Risers, the famous little pills. w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs G. L.. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

The old way of delivering messages by post-boys compared with the modern tel ephone, illustrates the old tedious meth Ods of "breaking" colds compared with their almost instantaneous cure by One Minute Cough Cure. w. D. Heald, Staf- ford Springs; G. L. Phillips, South Gov entry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

''Is your town lighted by electricity now?" Yes, but only when there's 8 thunder storm"
The Press., 1896-11-19

Gagged monkeys are tolerably certain to give an indication of coming bad weather, being then more ill natured and quarrelsome than at any other Eima
The Press., 1896-11-19

The new moon falling between s ana 10 a. m. in the winter time means cold rain if the wind is from the west O. southwest, and snow if from the east.
The Press., 1896-11-19

The brightest of all things-the sun has it's spots.
The Press., 1896-11-19

The best woman is the one least talked about
The Press., 1896-11-19

Wine has drowned more men than the con
The Press., 1896-11-19

He-I wonder why she married him Do you suppose she loved him? She No; but she knew another girl did.
The Press., 1896-11-19

The old lady Was right when she said, the child might die if they walled for the doctor. She saved the lltLle One's life with a few doses of One Minute Cough Cure. She had used it for croup before. w. D. Heald, Stafford Springs; G. l.. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

Victor Emmanuel of Italy was desig- mated the Gallant, not only an account of his politeness, but because of his inn petuosity in battle.
The Press., 1896-11-19

"TuIn the Iascals oul"-the familiar party-cry- may be applied to microbes as well us tU nen. l ho Scrmo O1 ulot aee that turk ill the blood ale "Lurnru out" by Ayers Sareaparilla ae cffectually as the old posthaoIers are displaced by a new administration.
The Press., 1896-11-19
'IE.. 1,SW 1:Hp0rter.

"Did ycu reporr that suicide as I told you 10 do last night?" asked the editor of tl.o new reporter, a graduate of 6 acbC1l of journalism.
 q SEW the corpse, sir, but found it impossible to write description of the affair. y
The Press., 1896-11-19

Miss Def1usLer- Good maWnin'. Whar yo gwine, Miss Hightilnger? Miss High finger ain'L gwine nOWhar. bin whar I'm gwine.
The Press., 1896-11-19

''The worst cold ever had in my life was cured by Chamberlain's Cough Rem edy," writes W. H. Norton, of Sutter Creek, Cal. ''This cold left me with a cough, and was expectorating all the time. The Remedy cured me, and I want all my friends when troubled with cold or cough to us it, for it will do them good" :" Sold by W. W. Lathrop, Stafford Springs i; G. L. Phillips, South Coventry.
The Press., 1896-11-19

Popularity is the bubble of public breath, easily pricked.
The Press., 1896-11-19

"The clergyman who pr, aches without pay may be s',ld to be good for nolh.Ig," and there are LWO neahIn6s ill the above expression.
The Press., 1896-11-19

You may eat cheap food and not be se- riously hurt by it; but you cannot take cheap medicines without positive injury. If you use any substitute for Ayers Sars- aparilla, you do so at the peril of your health, perhaps ,f your life. Insist on having Ayers, aId no other.
The Press., 1896-11-19

"How ill tho world was l to state the mans th1oat was cut from ear to ear when he had only one ear?'-London Fun.
The Press., 1896-11-19

''Some men," said Uncle Eben, "doan' seem ter hab only jes huff sense ter dis cubber new ways CT gettin' inter trouble an not huff ter git out"
The Press., 1896-11-19

The populists now have absolute and complete control of the Kansas legisla- ture. That will be good legislature to watch.
The Press., 1896-11-19

ELECTRIC B1TTERs. Electric Bitters is a medicine suited for any season, but per haps more generally needed when the languid exhausted feeling prevails, when the liver is torpid and sluggish and the need of a tonic and alterative is felt. A prompt use of this medicine. has often averted long and perhaps fatal bilious levers. No medicine will act more surely in counteracting and freeing the system from the malarial poison. Headache, In- digestion, Constipation, Dizziness yield to Electric Bitters. soc. and $1.OO per bottle, at E. K. Taft's Drug Store.
The Press., 1896-11-19
Spoiled In Transmission.

This is the way the railway man heard the conundrum:
 "At what time shortly before noon is it o'clock? At quarter of 12, be- cause a quarter of 12 is B."
 And this the way he worked it off on his friends:
 "At what time shortly before noon is it 8 o'clock? At II :45, because Il :45 is 8. It doesn't sound right either, blame it, but that's the way heard it. ' Tribune.
The Press., 1896-11-19

be restored by rest. Your stomach is muscle. Dyspepsia is it's manner of say ing II am tired. Give me rest" To rest the stomach you must do it's work outside of the body. This is the Shakers method of curing indigestion, and it's sue cess is best attested by the fact that these people are practically free from what is without doubt the most prevalent of all diseases. The Shaker Digestive Cordial not only contains digested food which is promptly absorbed without taxing the tired digestive organs, but it is likewise an aid to the digestion of other foods in the stomach. A 10 cent trial bottle will convince you of it's merit, and these you can obtain through all druggists.
The Press., 1896-11-19

LAxoL IS the best medicine for children. Doctors recommend it in place of Castor Oil.
The record-union., 1896-11-13
Real Estate Transfers.

The following transfers have been re-
corded since last report:
F. B. Adams to Mrs. Isabella Clay.
pool-West half of lot 5, F and G
Twenty ninth and Thirtieth streets.
Catherine Berdolt to Marie K. Labs
South half of lot ,, south half of lot 6
and S. Fourteenth and Fifteenth
streets.
f. Marty ct al, by Commissioner. tc
NJ. Marty-Tena acre tract 81 south ol
city; S6,519.
Estate of J. 3. Gates to w. H. Fergu-
son-14S acres in tract 81 of Chabolla
grant: 81 800.
Julia Kehoe to James Hughes-Lot 4
4 and S, Seventh and Eighth streets
Marie K. Labs to Sparrow Smith
South half of lot 3 south half of lot 6
r AMI S, Fourteenth and Fifteenth
streets.
Estate Of Rosa Hermosilla to GARNER
NJ. Pelster-East quarter of lot s. ] and
X, Fifth and Sixth streets: north hall
Of west half of east half of lot 4, ] and
X, Seventh and Eighth streets; rot 3,
and K, Second and Third streets.
The record-union., 1896-11-13
Articles of incorporation.

The following articles OF incorporation
have been filed in the office of the Secre-
tary of State:
The Union Warehouse Company
Principal place of business, Los Ange-
les. Capital stock, 100000, all sub
scribed, with kaspare Cohn, Myer J
Newmark, Henry w. o. Melveny, Har-
rfs Newmark and Jacob Loew Of Los
Angeles as directors.
The OdorlesS Crematory and Reduc-
ton Works. Principal place of business
Oakland. Capital stock, 10000. with
$4,000 subscribed, and Louis Schaef-
fer, c. w. Lent and M. G. Chapman OF
Oakland, Charles H. Spear of Berkeley
and J. W. Swift of San Francisco as di-
rectors.
The Standard Collection and Mercan-
tile Company Of the United States
Principal place of business, San Fran
cisco. Capital stock, 100000, all sub
scribed, with A. c. Brodersen, w. D
Hamman, E. L. Magnus, S. ?. Saxton
L. X. Hamman and NJ. NJ Brodersen OF
Los Angeles as directors.
The San Andreas Mining Company
Principal place of business, San Fran.
cisco. Capital stock, 100000, all sub.
scribed. with John D. French Of Oak
land, William Forsyth Of Fresno. Ben
jamin H. Ramsdell of Alameda anC
Horace C. Platt and Mortimer Fleish.
aker of San Francisco as directors
The record-union., 1896-11-13
PERSONAL MENTION.

Senator Eli Denison was up from Oak
land yesterday.
w. w. Middlecoff, attorney Of vi
salia, is in the city.
Mr. and Mrs. S. Finnell of Tehama
are at the Golden Eagle.
Ex-Speaker John c. Lynch of San
Bernardino is visiting the city.
c. D. and Thomas T. Lane of An
gels Camp are registered at the Golden
Eagle.
Mss Ada Newley and Arthur c. New
ley of Indianapolis. Ind, are stopping
at the Golden Eagle.
w. H. Mills and family of San Fran
cisco are on their way East, where they
will spend several weeks. Miss Ardella
Mills will remain at one of the leading
conServatorieS of music.
A party consisting of Mrs William
Beckman, Mrs. Yardley, Mrs James
Faris, Mrs. L. H. Brown, Mrs E. H.
Mckee, Mrs. E. r. Hamilton and Mr..
and Mrs. Fred Birdsall went to Auburn
yesterday to attend a floral fair
The record-union., 1896-11-13
ADJUSTMENTS.

At the Clunie Opera house this even
ing THE Burglar" with Little Mil
dred" in a charming character, and Mr..
T.onergan and Nina Gleason in the
lead. The play is one of romantic in
terest, and is altogether within the
lines of the probable 1t is without a
dull line or moment. Twelve orders for
| crayon portraits are given away each
night to holders of 30-cent sittings
At the Metropolitan Theater this
evening the broadway Merry Makers
in the vaudeville farce-comedy Town
Topics" The Los Angeles Herald"
of a recent date, after saying that the
company has been drawing overlooking
houses at the Burbank in that city,
adds:
There IS nothing so altogether su-
perficial and useless as a plot about
Town Topics and one will be able to
appreciate each and every situation in
the play even though he should not
see the curtain rise on the first act. The
dialogues are witty, the jokes new, and
the specialtieS cannot be excelled. Ev-
cry member of the company has his
or her use, and they are all exceeding
lv clever. w. S. Keller, as Hiram
Quick, the Jay" with money to burn,
convulses the audience from the time
| Of his first appearance, and with William
Mack, as Willie Pay, gives exceeding
ly clever songs. Phil OFT, as Willie
Knott, and Joseph Harrington, as Nc
Giggles, the detective, make on of the
hits of the play. OFT must have ridden
many a weary mile in sde-door Pull
| man in order tu get the tramp act
down to such perfection
John Queen, as the negro Cinch.
does many clever turns. James Ten
brook, as the Dutchman, has the dia-
| .ect and the peculiarities down to the
hnest point Beatrice Norman, as
| Della Ware, and Nellie Sennett as
Mrs. Quick, are enthusiastically re-
celved, and their specialties are ap-
pauded to the echo. Miss Sennett fur
tishes much Of the fun of the play
Miss Norman's travesty on the modern
school of acting, assisted by Ten
brook, is excellent The whirlwind
| dance, by Misses Sennett, Heckler and
Nugent, is admirably executed.
Taken as an entirety, Town Topics
VII rank with the best of Hoyt's farce
| comedies, and the people who make
up the company are fully up to the
standard of the specialists who have
feen seen here in these farce comedies. -
The record-union., 1896-11-13
WEATHER BUREAU.
It's Duties Now Being Performed by
rlrS. 6. j. Oyler.

Mrs c. j. Oyler, who is now acting
observer of the Weather Bureau office
IN this city, has the honor of being the
llrst lady in the United States that has
ever had full and entire control of a
United States Weather Bureau station.
Mrs. Oyler is performing the full du-
Ties of an observer, with the exception
OF taking the early g a. NO. observa-
ton, which has been discontinued per-
manently since November 10th. AL
though Mrs. Oyler is over 63 years OF
age, She performs the duties Gncludins
which is the climbing of five flights OF
stairs several times a day. to the entire
satisfaction Of the Chief of the Weather
Bureau.
Mrs. Oyler'S regular position in the
Weather Bureau is one of clerical ma
ture, which she has satisfactorily filled
since 1878, or about eighteen years. She
Is at present relieving Observer Bar
wick, whose health is delicate.
The record-union., 1896-11-13
LEE MURDER TRIAL.
Some Of the Testimony Put in by the
Defense

The trial of James Lee for the murder
of Mollie Allen was in progress yester-
day, the defense being an attempt to
prove him insane. The case was not
quite concluded.
A man named S. Lipman Of San Fran
cisco testified that he went to school
with Lee and they were together in the
high eighth grades, they being 10 or II
years old. Lee did many things that in
dicated to witness that his mind was not
right. He used to bring rats to school
in his pocket and bite their heads off in
the Schoolroom and spit them out on the
floor. He used to do other things that in
dicated to witness that his mind was
unsound. Witness knew him for two
years and half at school, but left
school without graduating from his
grade and had not seen Lee since.
After Lipman had finished his evil
dence Judge Hinkson asked him why he
had not answered the subpoena last Sat
urday, and he answered that he had no
money to come with and also that his
wife was sick.
WAS your wife so sick she needed
your care?" asked the court.
by God, Judge, she was" was the
reply.
What is that you safd?" asked the
court.
The witness repeated his language and
the Judge told him that he should hold
him guilty of contempt of court and fine
him So. Attorney Jones pleaded that
the witness had not intended any disre-
spect, but the Judge said that was al
ways the plea made, and he adhered to
his action.
In the afternoon, however, the court
questioned Lipman as to what he meant
by the language, and as he explained
that he meant $50 help me, God" the
fine was remitted
Mrs. Emma Doettger testified that
Wells lived with her for two years and
was addicted to certain vices, and she
considered him mentally unsound.
Her husband testified that Lee drank
and acted queerly sometimes, leaving
his work and going outdoors to stand
around.
The case will be resumed this morn
The record-union., 1896-11-13
MOODY QUARTET.
They Will Marble at Westminster
Church Tonight.

The Young Mems Christian Associa-
ms Hall was packed with men last
night, and men stood outside the door
in the cold air to listen to the Moody
Institute Quartet sing their beautiful
songs. So many were turned away
for the lack of room that tonight the
meeting will beheld in the Presbyterian
Church.
The quartet will sing on the street
at 1880 o'clock. and the regular meet
ing will begin at 7:45. All men are
invited. Admission free, and no col
lection is taken
The record-union., 1896-11-13
MIDWINTER FETE.
Truckee Will Have Another Ice Car
nivaI This Season.

The people of Truckee are not going to
let up on the Ice Carnival idea, though
last winter the weather seriously inter
fered with their plans.
This season they will start in earlier
and not take any chances on a warm
wave in February. They are going to
work on an elaborate scale, and the ice
palace promises to be thing Of wond-
rOuS beauty
The record-union., 1896-11-13
The Gaming Cases.

The cases against Bud Marash. Tom
Orr and Joseph Gaia. charged with fire.
Quenting gaming houses, were called in
the Police Court yesterday morning and
continued until the 18th, Goth and 21st
respectively.
The case against Angus Ross. charged
with permitting house to be used foI
gaming purposes, will be tried before a
jury in the Police Court this morning.
The record-union., 1896-11-13
Good TempIars' Election.

The following officers of Magnolia
Lodge, l. 0. G. T., of Oak Park, have
been installed: Chief Templar, A F.
Baker; Past Chief Templar, Miss Liz
zie Davis; Vice-Templar, Eta Whit
ney; Financial Secretary, Mrs. Baker;
Recording Secretary, W. w. Whitney
Assistant Recording Secretary, Nora
Hunter; Marshal, ]. w. Hamlin; AS
sistant Marshal, Maud Davis; Guard
Mrs. Armstrong: Sentinel Z L HamIiu
The record-union., 1896-11-13
Laid Low by Disease.

Among the patients at the Sisters
Hospital in this city is Constable j. E.
Dyer, the well-known peace officer OF
Colfax, Placer County, who is quite low
from consumption. Mr.. Dyer enjoys the
Well-deserved reputation of being one OF
the bravest and most energetic officers
in the State, one whose place it will be
hard to fill
The record-union., 1896-11-13
IN A BASKET.
An Abandoned Child Found on a Citi-
Zen'S Doorstep.

Yesterday morning a family who on
the preceding evening took possession
of a new cottage at Third and @ streets
found newborn infant on their door
steps.
The little one was comfortably wrap
ped in a warm new blanket and placed
in a goodsized basket. Nobody in the
neighborhood seems to have any idea
as to who are it's parents.
The family will probably adopt the
waif, bright and healthy appearing
how
The record-union., 1896-11-13
NOtaries Public.

The Governor has appointed the fol-
lowing named persons to be Notaries
Public: j. b. Curtin. Sonora, Tuolumne
County; w. Valentine. Red Bluff. Te-
hama County; Theo Wagner. Berkeley
John c. Bewley, Los Angeles; Err
nest Weyand. Colusa, and w. F. James
Santa Clara
The record-union., 1896-11-13
OAK PARK LIBRARY.
1t Will be Formally Opened This
Evening.

A few months ago the people wor-
Shipping in the Oak Park Baptist Chapel
decided the time had come when there
should be built a home room for the
children, which also might be used for
free public library.
1t was great undertaking. The
building has been completed by the help
Of man friends at Oak Park and the
city. 1t will be opened this evening.
Short addresses will be given on the
Influence of Good Books" Everyone
will be made welcome
The record-union., 1896-11-13
The County Canvass.

The clerks employed by the Super
visors in canvassing the returns of the
late election did not complete their ad-
dltions yesterday, and the total number
of votes received by each candidate will
not be known (officially) until to-day.
They will, however, differ but slightly
from the figures heretofore published.
The record-union., 1896-11-13
Grand Jury.

Yesterday the members of the Grand
Jury inspected the City and County
Jails, and in the case of the former
will doubtless make similar recon-
mendations to those that have been
made by Grand Juries for a quarter Of
a century
The record-union., 1896-11-13
Gospel Mission Supper,

An ice cream supper will be given for
the benefit of the Sacramento Gospel
Mission at the mission hall. 1112 Third
street this evening. There will be good
music and an interesting programme.
The record-union., 1896-11-13

John Bellmer & Son have purchased
the grocery business of F. ]. Beal at
Tenth and N streets; renovated and re-
stocked the store, and asks old friends
and the public to call. Mr. BIS reputa-
ton for fair dealing is proverbial.
The record-union., 1896-11-13

Catarrh is an inflammation of the
mucous membranes, and may affect the
head, throat, stomach or bowels. Hood s
Sarsaparilla is the remedy for this ever
preyalent malady