The National tribune., 1896-01-09
BrFW. ROBINSON


am Thomas Jones Of The Lines, Hatch
ington Green, Hatchington, the celebrated
Jones, though i say it myself-Jones the
solicitor, at the corner house on the Green,
the great Jones, whom everybody knows.
state this as simple truth. / am not n
vain man: if feel that | am superior TO all
the other Joneses in Hatchington. that is a
natural opinion-and my own private opinion
! which | am not likely to thrust upon the
attention of my fellow-creatures. Heaven
forbid!
Jones is not an uncommon name, and one
must infallibly encounter other JoneSes in the
course of ones pilgrimage through the world,
and be taken for those other JoneseS at times
in the newspapers, no matter what objection
able proceedings, civil, uncivil or GRIM
inal those other Joneses may have been up
to.
That is the excessively awkward part of it,
and that accounts for the story / am about
10 relate as graphically as my powers will
! allow
My enemies-and all remarkable men have
their enemies-will tell you another kind of
story. 4" A water-on-the-brain kind of man, :"
q swelled-head sort of fellow" my enemies
have been heard to whisper of me: but | am
above their petty calumnies-far away on the
mountain-tops above them.
And now for the other Jones, who must
come and pitch his tent on Hatchington
Green also, or rather in a little trumpery
house just around the corner of the Green.
Mr. Timothy Jones arrived at the little
corner house, and begun business there as
minor poet / came across his name some
times in the newspapers, and once across his
portrait, size of postage stamp, at the top OF
a paragraph in a haltpenny evening news
paper. and the exact image of a sooty Jack
Sheppard without the fringe, monstrous
picture and labelled ct. Jones of Matching
ton Green.n
Don't think great deal Of your hus-
bands portrait in the Evening Periwinkle, y
one OF my wife's friends wrote to Mrs Thomas
Jones; Z" very unlike him, especially about
the nose. ] am surprised to find that your
husband is poet, toon
If | had wanted to write poetry | could
have turned off reams of rhyme, daresay. |
consider TO be cOnfounded with that man at
the corner in the Evening Periwinkle was my
first humiiating blow.
Presently it came to packets Of proofs being
left at my house by the mistakes of blunder-
ing postmen, and then to important letters of
mine going to his house, and his trumpery
correspondence coming TO mine.
once this Timothy Jones called on me 10
inquire if / had taken in New Zealand leg
OF mutton by mistake; it should have reached
him from Leadenhall market by l2 noon.
lie was civil enough young fellow, was
Timothy Jones, but over-confident / was
glad to put him in his place, now that the OPP
portunity had presented itself
No, sir; we DO not deal in New Zealand
mutton here explained. Mrs. Jones has
an insuperable objection to cheap meats, and
your mutton would not have been allowed to
come into the house"
All this was very aggravating TO me; still
more aggrayating when ] found that my serv
ants had taken the New Zealand mutton in
after all. 1t had come by carriers cart, and
the other Jones \ tld not suggested itself to the
servants minds/
And there itSEas discovered on our premises
at ) in the afternoon and | had heard Tim
Othy Jones say that his dinner was fixed for 6.
/ sent the mutton round by the page, and,
as Mrs Thomas Jones thought that ii was
our duty TO apologize, / followed the mutton
when it had got good way upon the road
out OF sight and smell.
Mr. Timothy Jones was out, so saw Mrs
Timothy Jones pretty little woman enough,
with too much of smile, perhaps j made
my apology deliberately and formally, and j
think that she was impressed by il.
She hoped that / had not troubled myself
to bring the mutton round. Great heaven,
1T was of no consequence now, as another joint
has been procured from the local butcher, and
so forth.
Mrs. Timothy Jones offered to shake hands
with me, which ] thonght a rather familiar
proceeding. But / shook hands, and / actu-
ally kissed that sticky boy, and wished-odd
that was-that there were three such children
running about that big house of mine
few weeks later came the great source of
annoyance, even of shame, just as if it were
any fault of my own
There is published on Saturday in Hatch
lngton weekly paper principally consisting
OF advertisements, cribs from other papers
local news and random readings : ] never
looked at the rag, and therefore its startling
poster outside the office door failed to catch
my eyes; but on the station, whilst waiting
for my customary train TO town, was con-
siderably astonished to see in huge Brobding-
nagain capitals: