davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
HUMOROUS.

+. --'Eentlemcn," said the orator, this
crisis will soon be at an end" Thank
heaven" murmured an auditor; hes
going to stop talking" Philadelphia
North American.
-"Say. Tomplxins, what did Brown
die OFF" 'Well, he was fishing, and the
ground gave way under him, thinls-"
'Oh, sort-er bank failure, 1 supposed"
boston Globe.
misunderstanding is called trans
parent that can be seen through. What
scholar can give an example?" Bcbby
-~E'De hole in de fence round de baseball
park" -Norristown Herald.
Mrs. Teller-"My husband has q
wonderful memory Mrs. Ask;ns--
"Indeed?" Mrs. Teller-''Oh, yes, he
never forgets to forget whatever tell
Him to bring home."-N. Y. World.
). Urban-"Say, Sub, what did you raise
out here last summer?" Suburban
.Chickens." Urban-"Chickens? /
didn't know there was any money in
Chickens" Suburban - "Well, there
ought to be. / put $500 in chicken rails
ing last mer."-Harper's Bazaar.
Young Madewun-''My dear, L can
truthfplly say that your promises are
like your piecrust." Mrs. Madewun-
':Why, Charlie?" Young Madewrn--
Because, my sweet, it isn't abort and
light and is easily Carbohydrates
phia North American.
You say that women have beer the
cause of your committing this atrocious
murderer The culprit inclined his
head. YES" he answered, "such is in
deed the fact. Your honor knows how
dead pleasant woman make 1t for afro
cious murderers. ''-Detroit Tribune.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
CINCINNATI FLYER.
Monon Route & q. III. & ID.

The Monon has put on fast flyer for In
dianapolis and Cincinnati in connection
with the G. Ii. & D. The train leaves Chi
cago, Dearborn Station, at IL 80 A. M,
reaches Indianapolis at 4: ~ and Cincinnati
at Z AS P. M, thus making the run, Chicago
to indianapolis, in four hours and forty
hours and fifty-fve minutes. This is the
fastest time made between Chicago and In
dianapols and Cincinnati by any line. The
Cincinnati Flyer" is equipped with elegant
day coaches, the Mon0n celebrated high
backed seats, parlor Car and dining car.
''FoLKs dat is allus loohin' foh trouble"
said Uncle Eben, "hab jes' ono ting ter
brag about. Dey doan' hahdly ebbcr sit
disapp' inted."-W ashington Star.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
NO ROYAL ROAD TO LEARNING

He who studies hard will rise
The earnest are deserving;
knowledge comes by sturdy knocks,
Unfiinching and answering.
Remember, oh, ambitious soul,
For great achievements burning,
No one ever yet has found
A royal road to learning.
Brick by brick the walls go up,
Each fitted and cemented:
Through wearying days of thought
Machinery is invented.
Are you anxious to achieve?
For fame and fortune yearning?
Day by day you'll have to build
There's no royal road to learning.
In the busy marts of life
Drones are thrust aside unheeded;
In the dusky mines of thought
Idlers are not needed.
To some fixed and shining goal
Ever let your feet be turning;
Elevate your standard high
There's no royal road to learning.
Frank H. Stauffer. in Golden Days.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
THE FIRST TUBULAR BOILER.
It Was Patented by Stevens and 10 Now
In the National Museum.

It Was Patented by Stevens and 10 Now
In tho National Museum. ~
There is no place in this country
where one can get SO good an idea OF
all kinds of boats as can be obtained
in the National museum. Here one
sees boats of bark, boats made out
of the skins of animals, with bone and
bamboo ribs; dugout, smooth bottom,
cli''her built, fiat, sharp and perfectly
round boats that resemble tub. ~,
The highly decorated fat-bottomed
Mississippi steamboat can be seen. fuU
of fancy gingerbread work, with sa-
looms and staterooms piled above each
other, looking like floating house
and suggestive of Life on the Missis-
sippi'' as Mark Twain and others saw
ii.
In strong contrast to the ark-like
Mississippian are the full-rigged and
polished ocean ships, the yachts and
beautiful models of war ships and
others. These claim the attention Of
thousands of visitors; but there is
more real interest shown in small
corner where bust of Robert Fulton
locks down upon things which taxed
the inventive genius of men who in-.
augurated the reign of steam. Here,
with a coat of black paint upon it to
check the tooth of time, which has
gnawed it almost through, is tubular
boiler. This boiler was patented by
John Stevens in the United States
in 1903 and in England in 1905. -,
Tr HE Ennlioh Toatant SSnnnifioa fif,n
AIR. Stevenson - beginning with
"Whereas, his most gracious majesty,
King George Ill, by his letters patent
hearing date at Westminster May 81
in the forty-fifth year of his reign
says, farther on: I'm the boiler am
about to describe apprehend the inn
provement is carried to the utmost eX-i
tent of which the principle is capable"
In describing, he continues: Sup.
pose plate of brass of one foot square,
in which a number of holes are per-
forated, into each of which holes is
fixed one end of a copper tube of about
an inch diameter and two feet long
and she other end of this tube in
serted In like manner into q similar
piece of brass, the tubes, to insure
their tightness, to be cast in the plates.
These plates are to be inclosed at each
end of the pipes by a strong cap of cast
IRON or brass, so as to leave a space Of
an inch or two between the plates or
ends of the pipe and the cast iron cap
at each end; the caps at each end are
to be fastened by screw bolts passing
through them into the plates. The
necessary supply of water is to be in
| jccted by means of forcing pump
into the cap at one end and through
a tube inserted into the cap at the
other end the steam is to be conveyed
| to the cylinder OF the steam engine;
the whole is then to be encircled by
brickworll or masonry in the usual
manner, horizontally or perpendicu-
larly."
The first patents in America were
TO Reade, Fitch, Rumsey and Stevens,
in August, 1891. Reade's was for q
portable furnace tubular boiler;
Fitch's was for driving a vessel by TAX
ing water in at the bow and forcing it
out at the stern. The principle of Rum
sey's and Stevens patents was much
the same as Fitch's. - Mechanical
|
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
The Money VS. All Right.

rrritated Lady-No, it doesn't fit as
if he had been born to tit doesn't fit
at all, and l shall expect the money
back.
Mr., Moses-But, s'help me
"Your advertisements say: Money
returned if not approved"
$50 they do, ma tear madam, SO they
do; but your money vas approved-it
vas very goot money."-Tit-Bits.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
Where Women Choose Husbands.

Between the mountains of India and
Persia is a powerful tribe among whom
an extraordinary custom prevails.
Women's rights apparently have "a.
ceived full recognition. for the ladies
Of the tribe can choose their own hus-
bands. All a single woman has to do
when she wishes to change her state is
TO send servant to pin handkerchief
to the hat of the man on whom her
fancy lights, and he is obliged to marry
her, unless he can show that he is too
poor to purchase her at the price her
father requires--Chtcago Tribune.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
COULDN'T MAKE. PAPRIkA.
A Clever Literary Man Tries tn,
Process.


Picturesque little spots of color are
always to be seen about this time in
the year Frightening up the tall houses
in the tenement house district of the
city. These are strings of red peppers
hung from the windows to dry for win
ter use. Pepper, both green and red,
is a condiment much used by South
Americans, Spaniards, Poles, Russians,
southern Germans, all Italians, all Jews
and the Hungarians. The people of
these different races in the city will he
found, most of them, laying in their
own stock of dried peppers.
The Hungarians use special prcpa-
ration of their own, which has now
been introduced into this country and
is to be found in all large groceries.
This is paprika. 1t is a red pepper Of a
wonderful orange-red color, which
gives salmon tinge to any dish in
which it is used. 1t has an excellent
flavor, without extreme holiness.
Paprika is not made in this country
and apparently cannot be. a cleve~ lit
erary man of the Greater New York,
who has ideas in regard to the cuisine,
as many bright people have, has made
the experiment, He sent to Hungary
for the pepper seed, planted and raised
a fine crop of peppers, dried them care
fully and took them to the establish
ment of a leading manufacturer Of pep
per. The man did his best, but the re-
suit was not paprika. The literary
man next notified the department of
foreign affairs that this condiment was
imported when it should be manufac-
tured at home. From the department
word was sent to the American consul
at Budapest, asking him to learn the
mysteries of making paprika. Am un.
able to do So" wrote back the consul.
Stupid" said the literary man. And
there the matter rests. - N. Y. Adver.
tiser.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
EARLY CALIFORNIA SHIPS.
How Commerce Grew in the Youth OF
the Golden State.

How Commerce Grew in the Youth CT
the Golden State.
The first European vessel to enter
this port (San Francisco of which
there is any record, was the Eagle, in
1916, commanded by Capt. William III.
Davis. She sailed from Boston via the
Sandwich islands and Alaska. She
brought an assortment of goods, which
was revelation to the natives, and
their garments of skin and hides were
substituted by the clothing of civiiiza-
ton. Payments were made in hides,
tallow, soap and fish. The Eagle then
became engaged in the sea otter trade.
and was very successful. as offers were
Plentiful in this bay and all along the
coast. She made three trips, netting
about $25 500 on each trip. This stim-
ulated others, and this discovery, 10
doubt, gave an impetus to commerce,
which made this port known to tina
world.
Commerce in these days of mama
was carried on in what might be
termed a 'free-and-easy" manner. On
many articles the duty was 100 per
cent, which practically amounted to
confiscation, or made smuggling neccs-
sary in self-defense. The Mexican Of
fcials generally opened the door. FIRE.
quently vessels We're permitted TO pass
Monterey-|the port of entry-coming
10 Yerba D7lena, and, after selling as
much of the cargo as possible, return
ia Monterey for entry and dispose Of
The remainder.
The shippers were not sworn as to
rhe value Of the cargo; they gave fic-
titious invoices, and by this means
would get off on the payment of 1000
on a $4,000 cargo.
1t became so customary to swindle
the government as to scarcely excite
comment, except in cases where goods
were concealed in false Innings of the
vessel and the government officials
were orewitted.-Ovcrland Monthly.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
Mysteries of Providence.

81 see." said the lady who wishes to
wear boomers, that another woman
has been burned to death by her skirts
catching on fire. You never hear of a
woman's boomers catching on fire and
burning her to DEATH"
(Which simply goes to show" said
the husband of the lady who wishes to
wear boomers, show mysterious are
the ways of Providence" -Cincinnati
ENQUIRER.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19
HOLIDAY EXCURSIONS
To Virginia and North CaroI:na.

In the months of November and Deceln-
Der Homeseeker's excursion tickets will be
sold from all points west and northwest to
Virginia and North Carolina at one fare plus
$500 for. the round trip. For excursion
rates and dates address U. l.. TRUITT, N.
w. P: A, Big Four, c. 81 o. Route, 234 Clark
St, Chicago, Ill.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19

A GIRLS idea of a pretty wedding dress is
one that cannot possibly be of any use to "a
woman after she has married. -Atchison
Globe.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19

WHEN bilious or Costivc, eat q Cascaret,
candy cathartic, cure guaranteed, l0c, 25c.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19

ALL busy people finally get so that th,f
hate those who are lazy.-Atehison Globe.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19

How TIME flies from tho date on which
man distinguishes himself,
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19

--Servian khgs were formerly all
called Eleazars or Lazars.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1896-11-19


laid the missing miniature on the table.
He said to me, with extended hand:
81 deeply regret we have caused you
so much anxiety. Hear my explana-
ton. A niece of mine, unfortunately
of weak intellect, gained admission in
some inexplicable manner to the gal,
lery. The noise you heard doubtless
came from her entrance or departure
A gardener observed her unattended
and following the young lady saw her
cast something into the rosary. TWAS
the portrait taken from the table where
you had deposited it. I deeply regret
you should have been placed in such an
awkward situation" ..-
I bowed and prepared to depart
Lord Mountfalcon would not hear of it
stating he wished to see me in private
by the way" he added to Cracken-
thorpe, sit is a mystery to me how
Lady Hester could have obtained en-.
trance here. BY means of that locked
door she is entirely cut. off from this
side of the mansion. Has the door
been unlocked since my orders?"
II have no knowledge of it," faltercd
the keeper, turning pale.
Lord Mountfalcon crossed to the door.
and it orened on the handle being
turned. What transpired did not learn
until an kour later.
AS / sat over my luncheon began to
ses my way to the possibility of OBJ
tanning o clsw 70 ths history Of the
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

William Il. Smither, of Versailles,
KY, is the oldest merchant tailor ac.
lively at work in the United States.
He is ninety years old, and for seventy
years, since 1927, he has steadily piled
his needle and shears in quaint little
shop on Court Square. scarcely miss
ing day from his work.
This veteran tailor has clothed as
many as four generations in the same
family and number of Kentucky's
most illustrious sons, including John
]. Crittenden and Senator J. C. s.
Blackburn, have been his patrons.
Mr.. Smither is hale and hearty, his
hair and beard are only Just begin.
ming to turn white, and he has a per.
feet set of teeth. His eyesight Is good
and his bearing is erect. He has never
used either tobacco or stimulants.
He was passenger on the initial
trip made by the first steamboat that
travelled in Kentucky waters, and at.
tended a reception given to the Mar
qnis de La Fayette in Versailles in
1926.
Mr.. Smither's wife, Drucilla Smither,
who is eighty years old, IS the Oldest
woman In Versailles. They have been
married sixty-three years, and con-
fidently hope to reach their seventy
fifth anniversary. ry.-Chicago Times
herald.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04
Catarrh Cannot Re Cured

With local app: ications, as they cannot reach
the seat OF the disease. Catarrh is a blood or
constitutional disease, and in order to cure
Y you must taKe internal remedies Halls
Catarrh , ure is taken internally, ana acts di-
rectly ON the blood and mucous surface. Halls
prescribed BY one OF the best physicians In this
country for years, and i a Irregular prescription.
it Is compose of the best tones known, corr-
rectly on the mucous surfac S. The perfect
combination OF the two Ingredients is what
produces such wonderful results in curing ca
tarrh. Send for testimonials free.
T. ]. CHENEY & Co, Props, Toledo. q.
Sold by druggists, price 75c.
Halls Family PIlls ara ths be,.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04
Dog Eaters Of America.

Tho arrival here last week from
China OF two edible or chow dogs re-
calls the fact that the Chinese are not
the only people who have been
given to eating dogs. The custom
prevailed among the Aztecs, and es-
pecially the Mexicans, at the time of
the Spanish conquest.
1t was probably discouraged BY the
priests and severely repressed by the
conquorers, for it appears to have
completely died out. Even the species
OF dog seems to have become extinct.
During a considerable sojourn in Gen.
trsl America the writer was not able
to find single specimen.
The edible dog of the Aztecs was en-.
tirely unlike that of the Chinese. It
was OF the hairless variety, but it was
not the well-known hairless dog of
Mexico, which is comparatively abun.
dant there to-day. It was a very much
larger animal. There is in existence
drawing of one of these dogs, by
Chavigero, an early chronlcler, who
describes it as being "four feet long,
totally naked, excepting a few stiff
hairs on its mouth. and ash colored,
spotted with black and tawny."
The existing hairless dog answers
this description very well, except Is
to size, bst it is not degenerate CUR
vival. 1t abounded at the same time
and was generally despised.
Like the Chinese, the Mexicans eat
only the puppies. which they called
"Techichi." Chichi is the Aztsc
equivalent Of our verb "to SUCK" so
that "techichi" was ga sucking puppy"
There is abundant Spanish testimony
that it made very tender and delicate
food. New York Journal,
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

but We had lost another man. A bul.
let had struck him in the heart and he
had fallen without groan. In return
we could count five dead Indians out.
side and see three or four wounded
crawling away. As we bent over the
man and knew that he was dead the
girl motioned for us to lay him beside
the other, aud when we had returned
to the front room it was to beg of her
to accept "Chief Charles" offer, if he
would still hold it good, and secure
her own safety. With only three of
us left to guard the cabin another such
general attack must overcome us. She
replied that she would not go, and We
at once Set about reloading the carbines
and making ready to defend the cabin
to the last. 1t was hours before we
heard from the Indians again. and we
were almost certain that they hal
drawn of. when, an hour before sun
set and without the slightest warning,
they rushed for us as before. We
blazed away as fast as We could
through the loopholes, but / am sure
the cabin would have been carried but
for lucky shot which killed the chief.
His fall created panic, and just when
the situation was most critical the at.
tack ceased. l did rot know when
they drew of. The demons were on
the roof and battering at the door,
and firing in upon us from some of the
loopho!es, when things suddenly
turned dark with me, and when ] re.
covered consciousness felt horrible
pain in my side. A bullet had broken
rib and passed out behind the shoul-
der. Stretched dead on the floor was
my comrade. and sitting on the floor
weeping was "Joe Bakers GAL" She
had fought the last of the fight alone,
and with three dead and a wounded
man in the cabin it was no wonder her
nerves had given way.
There was no more firing that night.
Consumed by thirst and racked with
pain, 1 remember nothing except that
Mary spoke hopeful and sympathetic
words now and then and that she had
the guns distributed around 80 as to
cover as many loopholes as possible in
case of an attack. When morning
came the Indians asked for a parley,
and offered to send her to the fort. I
did not know it. being out of my head
with fever. She scorned the offer, and
for three hours the cabin was under
heavy fire. A rush would have fol.
lowed the fusillade. but as they were
gathering for it half troop of cavalry
from the fort, headed by Joe Baker,
came galloping to the rescue, and the
Indians were routed. 1t was ten DAYS
before l knew all about it. A great
Indian war was upon the land, the girl
had been sent hundreds Of miles away
for safety, and when peace came again
she did not return. 1t was like a
dream to me-three dead men, one
wounded, a white.faced
girl moving about and making ready
10 fire last shot. the crack of rifles
md the fierce war whoops-but I know
hat it was all real, and humble pri.
rate soldier whispers:
"God bless Joe Bakers gal, vher-
'ver she may be e!"-New York Herald. |
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04
LIFE'S SCARS.
Y say the world is round, and yet

Y say the world is round, and yet
often think it square;
many little hurts we get
From corners here and there.
tut one great truth in life I've found,
While iourneying to the West:
The only folks who really wound
Arc those We love the best
The man you thoroughly despise
Can rouse your wrath, it's true;
Annoyance in your heart will rise
AT things mere strangers do;
But those are only passing ills,
This rule all lives will prove:
The ranking wound which aches an!
thrills
Is dealt by hands we love.
The choicest garb, the sweetest grace
Are oft to strangers shown;
The careless mien, the frowning face
Are given to our own.
We fialter those we scarcely know;
We please the fleeting guest;
Ani deal full many thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
Love does not grow on every tree,
Nor true hearts yearly bloom.
Alas for those who only see
This truth across tomb.
But, soon or late, the fact grows PLATA
To all through sorrows test:
The only folks who give US pain.
Are those we love the best.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox, in Frank Leslie's
Popular Monthly.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04
A $50 Doctors Bill,

II cannot r commend your TETrERINE
Dnough. had -rysipelas in my face and head
30 bal that could not 40 any work in three
mo tbs, and tried the doctors, and NV doc
10 IS bill is fifty dol ars. A friend told me 10
get some Of your 'lETTERISE, and did so, and
1t has entirely cured me. recommend it to
everybody" Your. truly.
WILLIAM III. ALDERMAN,
La Ton p. o. Bullock Coz Ga.
box By mail for so :. in stamps.
J. T. SHUPTRINE, Savannah h, Ga.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04
Halls Family Pms are the best.
Are You Satisfied with what You Know,

Or would you adly improve your STOCK OF
knowledge? You msy NOT have 50 or 500 you
can spare for 10-voume encyc opssd,a but
You can afford to pay fifty cents for Hand
Book Of General information. You won't want
10 paw even tn unle-s you are desirous o.
improving your mind and believe that a five.
hundred-page book. filed with condensed
unss Of valuable knowledge, wall be read by
you. This valuable Encyclopedia VIII be sent
Publishing House, 1884, Leonard St, v. Y. Citv.
Every person who has not a large ency yclopsedia
should take advantage OF tbs great offer at
once and store his mind with the valuable
facts collNtsd ~ - h~o
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

There are only nine George Washing.
tons in the Chicago city directory in a
population exceeding 1.75o,000; but 1t
is only fair to state, however, that there
are more than nino Chicagoans who
practice Uncle Georges precepts oc-
casionally.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

he who is passionate and hasty is
generally honest. 1t is your old, dis
sembling hypocrite Of whom you should
beware. There IL nc deception In
bulldog. 1t is only the cur that sneaks
mp and bites you when your back Ii
turned.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

a Kentucky contemporary thinks
that there is no reason now why
Breckinrldge should not be sent back to
Congress" Miss Pollard knows at
least $4,000 separate and distinct rea.
sons worth q dollar apiece.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04
That joyful Feeling

With the exhilaratlng sense OF renewed health
and strength and internal cleanliness. which
follows the use Of Syrup Of Figs. is unknown
to the few who have not progressed beyond
tho old-time medicines and the cheap sub bsti-
tutes sometimes offered but never accepted oy
the well.informel.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

Blodds-Here's a rather clever little
book. "Don'ts for Club Men" Slobbs-
1T isn't the don'ts that worry me; It's
che dues-Phuadelphia Record.
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

Mrs winslov's Soothing Syrup for chlldren
tion. allays pain. cures wind collie " ho..is
The Louisiana populist., 1896-12-04

FITSstopped free and permanentlycured. No
fts after hrst days use OF DR. KLiKE's GREAT
NBRv.RKsroREH. Free 81 rial bolt eand treat,
Ice. send to DIR. Kline. Sl Arch ST.. Phila., Pa.