The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1896-04-29
THE NEW WOMAN.
How She Appeared to Long Row of
Old Family Portraits.


the picture gallery, into the gynna-
sium- She wore a white wooIen sweat
er aud crimson boomers. Her eyes
sparSled with health her skin was a.
smooth and fair as a rose leaf The
family portraits, every last man or
them, eraued their uccks 10 get anoth-
er look at her. Spanish explorer,
French marquis, Dutch settler, Crom-
wells sober ROundhead, early Puritan,
latter day Yankee, handsome Indian
ehief-for, alas, the proud family had
known one misallianee- were eager
to stare at the lovely vision.
Dutehman-what is that which Just
passed through?
Roundhead- should be a man by
the garb, bat the outlines were those Of
a woman.
Frenchman-St. Denis aid me, but
she was fair to look upon Marked you
her trim ankles?
Spaniard-I beheld more than ank-
les. To me she seemed some bold mat
adore ready for the fight. say she
violates etiquette in attiring herself
thus.
Puritan-'Tis Monday Of the week.
Why bendeth she not over the family
washtub?
Roundhead = Who prepareth the
nOontide meal?
Indian-The chiefs wampum goes
unstrung.
Dutehman-She should be on her
knees securing the kitchen floor. How
have such things come about
Yankee have heard bits Of talk as
people pass. ] always keep my eyes
open. IL seems that women have be-
come completely changed. They now
rebel against tradition and seorn II.
Paul. 1t is whispered that they have
blotted out the word ''obeyf' from the
marriage service. Universal groan.
Roundhead-O froward andsper-
verse Oh, generation Of vipers.
Frenchman-The little serpents are
lovely as angels.
Yankee-They join clubs; they read
the papers they deride the laws which
We have made to govern them.
Spaniard-Horrible Where are their
duennas?
Nsnkee-The duennas are the worst
Of the lot. They began it, wearing
their hair short and clamoring for
In some states the wo-
men now go to the polls aud vote.
Roundhead-Hussies !
Puritan-I would put them in the
stocks. / would duck them in running
water. would brand their shameless
foreheads.
Yaukee-They deck themselves gay
is.
Frenehman-Tha they ever did.
lis no crime they would be beautiful
in our eyes.
Yankee-Tbey consider fields and
buy them. They plant vineyards.
They take up claims.
Indisn-Ugh Heap fool business.
Who carries the wigwam? Who skins
the deer? Who hoes the corn?
Yankce-Not that fair squaw in the
gymnasium putting on grace and mus
cle. The brave hoes the corn, or there
wouldn't be kernel in the land.
Indian-Glad I'm good dead Injun.
Spaniard-What IS her object in do
ing these seandalous, these unlicensed
things
Yankee-W Why, they say they have
been downtrodden and oppressed for
ages BIZ brute man haven't had fair
chance. They even declare the Lord
created them the equal of Us.
ROundhead - Jezebels The Lord
made them subject 10 u in all things
As weaker vessels. would keep them
down with heavy hand
lankee-Iour day has passed. What
could you 10 with that compound Of
fire and steel in yonder. She would
fight. She would run you through
with her sword.
Spaniard thOughtfully The Maid
of Sargossa. heard of her after my
time.
Yankee-She boxes; she rides strange
through the highways she
drives four horses she drills like a sol
dier; she knows no fear.
Frenehman-Joan Of Are-St Joan,
Dutchman-There were such at Ley
den and at Sluys.
YaGkee-She dances all night ; she
hunts and swims she wheedles her
old father
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. again.
Yankee-She studies Greek and med
icine she visits the slums the sick in
hospitals. You will find her on the
battlefield before the smoke has clear
ed away.
ROundhead respectfully Florence
She was not Of the
Stuarts reign she came later.
Yankee-Strong, healthy, earnest
gay, sympathetic, full of fads, she
laughs, weeps, sings, fiirts-
Frenchman-Ah
Yankee-Works and plays. She rules
the world with rod of iron. Men
call her the new woman.
Roundhead-She is a mystery. l
give her up.
Yankee never will.
Frenehman-0the times, other man
ners. Let her be what she will, | sup
pose she still can love.
Yankee-NOw rs she is, she is as old
as Eve. \ warm heart beats under
that sweater.
Dutchman-It takes an idea some
time to penetrate my head, but | have
been thinking that maybe we are all re-
spOnsible for her. In Holland women
fought and starved and drowned along
with the best of Us when we drove out
Alva's hordes, and they never COM
planned.
Spaniard-Isabella and Columbus.
Frenehman-We Frenchnlen have
always let them set their dainty feet ON
our necks.
Roundhead-Magna Charta and the
roast beef of old Eagiand.
Indian-FTesh air and a free life
D,,r;fa,, Ssfran.,.b fhrr,ue-if anffilF-