Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1896-11-09
ODD BREAKS IN SPEECH.
Some Mixed Metaphors and Weird Ar
rangement of Words.

rangement of VI ords.
Rom's Horn.
A Coroners jury in Maine reported
that Deceased came TO his deatn Dy
| excessive drinking, producing apopleAy
in the minds OF the jury
An old French lawyer, writing or an
estate be had just bought, added: There
is a chapel upon it in which my WiIe
and I wish to be buried, if God spares
our lives"
On a tombstone in Indiana is the fol-
| lowing inscription: This monument
was erected TO the memory Of John
Jinkins, accidentally shot as mark OF
affection by his brother"
A Michigan editor received some
verses not long ago with the following
note OF explanation: "These lines were
written fifty years ago by one who has,
/ for a long time, slept in his grave mere
| ly for pastime.
A certain politician, lately condemn
ing the government for is policy con-
| corning the income tax, is reported 10
have said: They'll keep cutting the
wool Off the sheep that lays the golden
/ eggs until they pump it dry
unions bore off the palm when he de-
cclar6d that the British lion, whether
il is roaming the deserts of India or
climbing the forests Of Canada, will not
eraw in its horns nor retire into its
shell
A reporter in describing the murder
of a man named Jorkin said: The
murderer was evidently in quest of mon
ey. but luckily Mr.. Jorkin had deposited
all his funds in the bank the day before.
so that ne lost nothing but his life
A merchant who died suddenly lef, in
his bureau a letter 10 one Of his cor
respondents which he had not sealed
His clerk. seeing il necessary to send the
| letter, wrote al the bottom: "Since
I writing the above / have died"
An Oklahoma editor expresses his
Ihanks for a basket of oranges thus:
we have received a basket of oranges
from our friend Gus Bradley, for which
he will please accept our compliments,
| some of which are nearly six inches in
diameter"
The Morning Post in 1912 made the
! following statement: eve congratulate
! ourselves most on having torn off Cor
! BETS mask and revealed his clOven foot.
Ii was high time that the hydra head Of
| faction should be S0undly wrapped over
The knuckles."
An English lecturer on chemistry
said: lone drop of this poison placed
/ on the tongue of a cat is sufficient TO
/ kill the strongest man, and an English
Lieutenant said that the Royal Niger
/ Lii ar1
/ his going up the river until next year.
A clergyman in an Eastern town
warned his hearers lately mot to walk
in slippery path, lest they be sucked,
maelsTCm-like, into its meshes' This
! metaphOre suggests that Of another
| clergyman who prayed that the word
might be as nail driven in a sure place,
| sending its roots downward and its
/ branches upward.
The present Duke Of Leeds is report
ed TO have accused the late government
| of making a direct attack on the brew
/ CTS by means of a side wind. It was
1 during the late administration that one
/ Of the Irish whips telegraphed 10 Dub
/ lin that "the silence of the Irish mem
bers would be heard in the House Of
| Commons no longer
1t was the celebrated Sergeant Ara,
bin. who. at the Central Criminal Court,
! informed the prisoner before him that
IF there was a clearer case Of a man rob-
bling his master that case was this
| case and, after passing sentence, con-
Guided: Il, therefore, give you the OPP
pOrUnity of redeeming a character IT.
reTieyably lost
In the Irish House of Commons of
1875, during a debate on the leather tax,
the Chancellor of the EXchequer, Sir
John Parnel, observed that in the pro-
secuti0n of the peasant war every one
ought TO be ready to give his last
! guinea to save the remainder of his for
tune" Mr.. Vandeleur replied that "a
tax on leather would press very heavily
I0n the baref00Jed peasantry OF Ire
/ land
AT a recent temperance gathering an
orator exclaimed: The glorious work
will never be accomplished until the
/ good ship Temperance shall sail from
! one end of The land to the other, and
! with a cry Of Victory at each step she
takes. shall plant her banner in every
city. town, and village OF the United
States" Another speaker said that
AL along the untrodden paths of the
| future we can see the hidden fOO-prints
of an unseen hand We pursue the
shadow. the bubble bursts and leaves
/ the ashes in our hands,.