Hopkinsville Kentuckian., 1896-03-17
BALDHEADED CLUB.

| AHO A"oV OCioOON uOP-hOSpOl nav
locked the front door and wended his
weary way homeward. The busy
streets were silent, the bustling activ.
ity of metropolitan life had been sue.
ceeded by solemn stiffness as quiet
as court day in Clarksville. The
dark and sombre clouds of a dying
winter were shedding a torrent OF
tears over the parting moments OF
another week of Time. 1t was dis.
NAL, disagreeable Saturday night,
but dark as it was and in
clement as the weather was, it
did not keep the members of
the Baldheaded Club from Drawing
the elements to attend the regular
meeting.
Removing his gum coat, placing
his gold-headed umbrella in front of
the stand where he could keep his eye
on it, the President assembled the
steps and raped for order.
Brother Colonels," he began, eff
| am any judge of weather this is
damp, bad night. 1 am glad to see
80 many of you on hand, especially
at a time when the grand jury is in
session. l might make a speech, but
for once l will temper duty with mer
cy. Secretary, read the minutes"
Col. Ort, the new member, at this
stage remarked that the record of the
last meeting we're so long that they
werenot minutes, they were hours.
Whereupon, Col. Jim Cooper arose
and apologized to the Club for bring
ing in Col. Ort's petition without a
barrel OF salt to accompany it as
guarantee that the new member
would not be too fresh. 1t was fa-
tai oversight and he asked to be fined
$3 for neglect of duty. The fine was
assessed with the understanding that
Col. Cooper would add the amount
to "Shorty's" board bill at the end of |
the month
Col. Dave Wiley was SO downcast
and melancholy looking that Col. |
Green Champlin called attention
to it and wanted to know what was the
matter. Col. Wiley said he noticed
from the papers that there was daily
danger of bloody riot at Frank
fort growing out of the Senatorial
race and he couldn't sleep of nights
for fear that fight would come up
and Cy Brown, who was too big to miss
being hit, would be the first man kill
ed.
Col. Gus Breathitt said Col. Wiley
took pessimistic view of an exceed
lngly improbable event. 1t was not
likely that anything worse than
sweat would be shed and if fight
lid come up the real danger would
De to the smaller members that Cy {
would run over in trying to break a {
quorum. Other Colonels concurred
n this hopeful opinion and Col Wiley
vas finally induced to go into the 7
;loak room with Col. Mckee and G
mile. n
Col. Bob Woodbridge announced | j
hat he had intended to go to Cuba b
asst week to pitch the Spanish army c
nto the Atlantic ocean, but unfortu- e.
atelY was prevented from going at
be last moment by failure to col
ect some coal bills. However, he
ad sent three substitutes and expect =,
d to get good reports from them as =.
oon as they learned how to handle "
le Cuban corn-knives. OF
Col. Bill Cooper rose at this junct- p
re and asked permission to sell some p'
einerwurst to the members, who, at
g said, looked like they were in need Jt
refreshments of some kind. tV
With Mortified look on his face Col az
eff Morris jumped to his feet and ia
ltered an indignant protest and II
Irning to Col. Cooper asked fiercely, di
Don't you know this is lent7" a
"Yes, 1 know it is, and so is that WI
bill you owe me, " said Col. Cooper
But Col. Morris was not to be easily
uelched. He said perhaps after all
e sausages Col. Cooper was selling pc
sre not meat, as he had noticed that his
advertised for a supply of cats Tia
me time ago. tee
The President cautioned both gen. th,
,men to remember that they were ed
t in the Kentucky Legislature.
The President was reminded by 1,
. reference to lent that last week
IS the regular week of self denial da
th most of the churches and asked -,
W many of the Colonels had OBJ ro'
we'd it. Several had reports to D.
Ike. OF
Col. Hiram Phelps said he had de- ag,
ID himself green peas during the SUI
tire week. ehe
Col. Buck Leavell said he had not
ten any strawberries.
Col. Pyle said he had abstained
I'M eating frog-legs. Col. Tom tie
illiams said he had cut off his ore
nal diet of canary-hird tongues. of
Col. Walter Kelly said he had not fer
Ten single quail on toast.
Several members reported that