The morning times., 1896-06-28
FIREWORKS IN SILVER AND COL .
PATRIOTISM BOUNDED BY VACANT LOTS OR BY 10 TO 1
Timely Suggestions to the Commissioners Major
Moore, and the Gentlemen Soon to
Gather in the Windy City.

Eminent pyrote echnic authorities are
agreed for once that the peace OF Europe has
never been SO direfully threatened by the
United States as now, since the time
Bonaparte's fireworks broke up the Duch-
css of Richmond's ball at Brussels.
Spain, they say, has turned in general
fire alarm: her queen has bad case Of
imperial hystera Americana and AL.
phonso has sent the helmet of Doh
Quixote to the royal bla Cksnith to be bat
tered down to the size of the bourbon hair
cut.
zen. Harrison, of England. has ruthlessly
dra gged a surveyors chain over the Schom-
bureS liue, and obliterated 1t in several
places for which offense he has
been sent down for thirty days
by Judge Crespo. America will
be held responsible for this inasmuch as il
provided Venezuelan boundary Commits
sion to say where and where not Gen. Har-
rison could stake off British Guiana city
lots; and, so far the only line draw wn by tue
said Commission is a b line to the summer
resorts. Their furniture, which cost SS,-
600, is supposed, however, to be fully
insured. America, besides. is regarded as
the wet nurse of all OF the South Americas
Infant phenomena.
An Eng missionary is on the way TO
raise an American army to drive the un-
speakable Turk and the unpronounceable
in which even the ark merely got foot
hold on the top Of a mountain.
Gen. Weyler threatens to run over here
this summer and stop the press.
We will undoubtedly, they say. get into
a scrimmage with Norway, Sweedeu. Den
mark, and Heligoland, over the posses
SION of the Greenland aerolite.
The passage of the filled-cheese bill is
good for a new Thirty Years War with the
Netherlands and the Swiss and Limburger
republics: aud in general the Oriental sky
wears slaughter-house hue.
Our only allies at present appear to be
the French colonists of Louisiana and the
Italian open-air musical colony of this city.
The Interstate Democratic Association is,
OF course, regarded as being with us.
ORIGIN OF 1T ALL.
All this, and more. which has been mis-
laid in the business office, is direct
traceable to the recent fireworks conyen.
tion at St. Louis We may be at war with
the whole world and the mining districts of
the West by the time the pyrotechnic storm
center has passed Chicago.
This enumeration doesn't include the
purely local fireworks war now actually
beIlo flagrante in the District. We do not
lik-. to denver digress. nary lectures, butH7
on this occasion we hazard the opinion NE-
that the ag Jregate thinking faculty of M'
all the people of the Districts against NJ
the Commissioners of Firecrack- H.
ers" Bloody internecine war hasE$$&
of en- been pre;ipitated for much 49,
less cause of war (casus beli) than ~
the abridgement of the institutional -
right OF the small United States boy to
blow the baby or any other resisting force
on the 4th of July into eternity with q
cannon cracker.
There is no warrant In the Constitution,
even under its elastic general welfare
clause, for Fourth of July in Spots. As
we understand it, Col. John Wilson, who
is merely superintendent of grounds, and
not of firecrackers or red Bengal fire,
has undertaken to so fence in certain
parks that sky rockets will hit the ceiling
and fall innocuouS to the grass. This
would be bad enough, but the Engineer
Commissioner has calculated, at an i'm