The Penn's Grove record., 1896-01-10
a GUIDE.
ais Thrilling Recital Of tne Great
Battle to the Tourists.

/ little impudentiy up here at the top Of
he Belgic Mound; men face It bare
headed, and ladies' control their dis
ended skirts. The guide fans his brown
lace with his crape-bound bowler hat,
nops his neck with his red handker.
chief. The guide Is not one of the uni
.ormed men who wait down at the no
eel; he prefers to give q free lecture
n regard to the AFFAIR Of 10 and to
rust to luck.
EN- attendant" says the guide, II
sif you my cards. No sharge." The
English leaves something to be desired
-"His father was employed immedi-
itely after the battle to assist the
wounded. Was thirty-two years has
guide to the strangers" =
"They arrive" cries the guide.
A breathless, joyous crowd. They
iwarm up the narrow steps. they walk
5riskly round the four orner OF the
pedestal on which the lion stands. On
y at the guides earnest almost tear
full. request do they consent to seat
themselves on tiers Of the pedestal and
listen.
zone moment, mister"
"At your service, sir" replies the
suide.
is this Waterloof"
II go TO tell you, sir. You must gif
attention, II you please. WIN you
,blige me, sir2" The guide addresses
The humorlst with much politeness. 81
ind you leedl' seat ~nere-joost here.
Close to this sharming young Ameri-
saine. Sol"
The humorous youth Is placed near a
iamsel with amazingly small brown
shoes, and consents to control his spir-
It's. The guide raises his thick stick.
points with sudden excitement south,
ind raises his voice:
II commence TO tell you the trut'. ]
lell you the great Battle of Waterloo;
tell you all about it. I tell you the
~posseetion OF the armies; / tell you
everything" The guide taps bis nose
with an acute air. II tell you things
dose oser guides la-bas do not tell you,
be-cause-be-cause they do not know.
Yer we'll"
about this hght7" suggests some
one.
Now you listen, please. I give you
important facts. ! tell you the trut'.
[ tell you what l know. / give you the
whole trut'.r
"I4et her go. Gallagher" The re-
mark comes from an Impatient Ameri-
AN. "We cain'tstay here many years"
Here" pointing with his big stick,
.here we get the twenty-five armee,
where you see the white COO what stand
al alone by himself there. Goodl That
Is the eentair Of the Anglish armee,
0-blige me also by seeing that building
here where my stick I point Hup there
hey COON; hup come also the French
lrmee. General Butcher he come up
here"
who was BlukairY' asks a specta-
.led young lady. She Is taking notes.
"The German general"
"Oh" returning to her note book,
you mean Bloosher. Go on"
Here, where l point you see laty
Ind shentleman on bicyclette, Is 1t mott
That Ia where splendid ~magnesficent
,hargeof what you call 'Echotch Greys'
was made. 1t happen joost where the
atty and shentleman is descending
the bicyclette. And they sharge
-as they sharse they cry (the guide
his hat and shouts with excite
nent)-they cry, 'Schotchland foreverr
That's what they cry, 'schotchiand for
syer!"
Good old Scotland"
II tell you the trut'. The Scotch they
lake two French colours Also here
where I point you have the splendid
Iharge Of the French Cuirassiers. That
s so. There, where the woman 10 beat
ng a CARPET. there a the depot of
listen, all Of you-of the Anglish Life
Guards" The man falls back a few
Iteps to watch his interested audience.
The Anguish Life Guards. sho, the
Life Guardsman kills two, three, four
men. sho' did, all by himself. My
,asser he tell me bout It; my fasssr he
i've In little village over there, call
P1anchenoit"
.'Say, now" the American girls faith
interrupts; "how IL 1t you French.
men blow like this bout our soldierA
M DON'T seem quite the right thing,
loes itf"
Half the audience says, sh,ay. Hear,
,eary"
"Pardonp The guide draws himself
lp and taps his stick on his waistcoat
n~aJesucally. Pardon, I am Beige"
The guide goes on with his lecture:
There where the two sheep Il, Napo-
con he looked through his glass and ne
ee Butcher, and he say to itself, That's
srouchy,' he say. But (acutely) sthats |
Grouchy, my friends; that's Butcher
II the ttmes. Over there with sudden
Of attitude). ssoyer there "a
where Marshal Ney light He fight
veil, Marshal Ney. BE call himself the
,rahvest Of the brahv'. Oh, 1t was
plendid fight, iates and shentleman.
I all happen on q Sunday-the eighteen
( Shune, eighteen hoondred fifteen.
tell you the trut'. The Anglish they
1t Waterloo; the French they call II
font St Jean; and the Proosians they
all It Belle Alliance. That's the trut',
ir.
"At eight o'ciocks On the Secondary II
vas all over. All finish. All settle.
napoleon he say. AN Ia lose; save who
an and he 60 away, and Blueher he
ollowh."
"No hies on old Blucher."
~ tell You che trut'. II you ask Of
I'm, the mems down there IN their tam
niform"-the guide Allows his fndIg-
alton to get slightly the advantage OF
im-sthey tell you not 50 mooch, and
hey sharge you two franc. / sharge
nosing; but f.
The fates are kind to the guide. The
.merican girl with the small shoes
axes her brothers soft hat and goes
round.
''I'l trouble Won COZ a tribe for the
uide,s says she.
The guide gasps with joy as no
atches the American girl. When she
npties the francs into his red pocket
s~ndkerchief. he distributes his pre-
GUS cardg reckfarsly. a thouQh they