davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15

"Havo you anything to sayr" nskcd
tho judgo.
"W'y, only this, your bonor." an-
swercd the piokpookot II only ask
that you won't lot 'em handouts Inc
while thoy tako mo TO the pen"
"want to have better yhance 10 o.
cape, eh?"
''Indeed don't. Upon my woed and
honor don't. jist thought that II my
hands was loose i might get chance
to mako mo expenses some way or an
other ON the trip. "-Cincinnati En-
ouirer.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
Ambiguity.

Scene. a highland ferry. Tourist
But we paid you sixponce each rs We
came over, and you said the same fare
would bring us back.
Skipper--Woll. we'll and tellod ye
nothing but the truth. an it'll be no
more than the same fare I'm wantin
the moo for bringin ye back.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
Able To Float 1t Alone.

"Can't you take friend in on the
ground floor in this enterprise, Noah?"
asked ono Of the loungers, winking ut
the others who were standing about.
"There isn't going to be any ground
floor" replied Noah, applying some
more pitch to the exterior II his ark and
standing of to note the effect. t.-Chica-
20 Tribune.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
wheel News.

1T is queer how you inexperienced
riders always want to take such long
rides"
mo. it isn't bit q~oer. We Te
afraid to stop and get oil for fuar We
can't get on again. "-Detrdt Free
presa
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
July and October.

~ will take Ii yards of this silk. "
"Yes, Miss Van Avenue. boliove l
was honored with an introduction 70
you ut Newport in July"
"This is October. Out it OF and do
liver it at onoe. New York Herald.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15

Miss Daisy Medders (ooyly)-Do you
love me, Jason?
Jason neutrality-suspicious. I love
you. Do you s'pose I'd have boon actin
the fool over you all this time il I
didn't.-Truth.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
Following Instructions.

"Why, Jimmie" said tho gracious
hostess. ''you have taken half pie on
your plate"
"Yes'm. Mamma said / mustn't have
but one piece when was visitin. De
troit Free Press.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
Not In Ono.

"You call this round steak9'' asked
Leatherby.
"Yes, sir. replied the waiter.
How many rounds docs 1t usually
take to master itr''-Philadelphia North
American.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15

Tho ssovy OF CoGdi6ate-
This Is the man
VINO for ofioo ssa.
And these were bis ulsthods-
His campaigning plan;
Rose At SIX
With all his egislts.
kAd wapt into tho raoe like bssekaf
Hsfors ths clock
Ess AIMED for Fun
Hsd paid the taK
OF twenty man;
Had ssat ahsiv ohiidron
on 10 sohosl,
And Flised q Esortgage
From p mule;
Had g0ae " court
With smiling face
And quickly won
A voSer's enss:
Had plaIked Eve shining 80
poillss down
To help 'em build
A church IN town;
Had wsrded on
A sherin's Gale
And paid . poor man
Out Of iail;
Gs1sVeu IA VtdoWd'
Do-'Asp..oz
And made "a campaign
Oonsrib,, ioa.
AID ,tiu tsey never
Heard HIN g2oan
Whom dfteen follows
ksbSi q t,n-
40 took 10 Aoses.
xpssAss6 10 daubt.
eut freely GssiSsd his saonV. o.
nh was tbs F.n
vho sor efass. nsn.
And that was his .l
Campaigning plan
Ne .iest tas sSsss.
tos ~ hs Skv;As,
And sow splts 5kils
n r. ~ sSs 49, sSs, = q I9s n..>,.,s.-.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
VIVA Snod lseaDoa.

"I aca't quite 600 why you call Mr.
Bigge lsasera iD&c2
"why. beosuss his face hghss up 30
whom he talks. "--Bzooilyn Aife.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
T. aIr.

Daughter Did you give Charley any
eapcxragementr
gathsr--weii, I suppose 1t amounts
to that. de called il u loan, however. -
Detroit Lxibune.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15

}, the bones ache, while de-
and hslplcssness prema-
possession of the body.
treatment, Il is but a short
sigor and health to a pair
VITA this wreck of the
IN ccvcs fal ling of the hair
bws, icss of finger nails,
OF the bones-a condition
Die. This is no overdrawn
the world to-day is full of
ling mcrcurial wrecks.
is Blood Poison is the most
all diseases, and has been
ly called the curse of man
] the discovery of S. S. S.,
rable. 1t has always oaf-
ttors, and it is In this dis
The evils of mercury and
most common, because
are given in such large
effort to counteract the
bile they succeed in bottling
Pn in the system, 1t always
lh again, attacking some
ian, frequently the mouth
filling them with eating
S. is the only known cure
ible disease.
same in other diseases of
Scrofula, Eczema, Cancer,
P, all are given the sase
b the physicians-mercury
and the result as above set
ys the same.
remedy purely vegetable,
IT'S effect, yet harmless in
For fifty years S. S. S.
fling blood diseases, from
plent to the mildest case,
pr treatment failed. II is
purely vegetable, and one
lars reward is offered for
contrary. II is a real
for real blood troubles,
ails to cure Contagious
Scrofula, Eczema, Rheu-
GER, or any other disease
II you have a blood dis
remedy which will not
Beware of mercury /; dome
your system. Don't get
on blood and skin dis
mailed free to any ad-
specific Co., Atlanta, Ga.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
Ths Eegak~ Thing.

6so<istioslly Inclined Tourist lin
Oklshoms) What is the death rate
herer
Alkali Ihe--,Same ~ il 10 everywhur
else-one death for every inhsbitant -
Truth.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
PATENTS Feb. q, 1921 1921 I
May II, 1901 q

Of .
n
be broken simple adjusting
n
damo guar
simplicity duaby
ARE
hardened High
ofroru
nhed ordered p r. dl9s some other h
I
TO orlesaT To auck
of his o " n
%
II ~
repre- -
d. privilege for 5000
binding
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15

produces tho above results in'3o days. II acts
r1Nrrfuly snd quickly. Cures when all Others fail
Young men Nill regain their lost manhood and old
men Will recover thoir youthful Vigor Ivy uslns
EEViNo. u quickly and surely restores Nervous
ness. Lost vitality. inlosency. Nightly Emissions
Lost Power Failing Memory. Wasting Diseases and
All enccts OF sefsbuno or excess and indiscretion.
which units ono tor study business marriage. 10
u great nerve tonic and blood builder. brihg
iug back the pink glow to pale cheeks aud 70
storing the brs OF youth. IL wards on insanity
and Consumption. Insist on having RENINO, no
other. II can be carried IN vost pocket. By mail
s1.O0 per Package. or six for $500, with posl
tive written guarantee To euro or refund
the money. Circular tree. Address
.0YAL MEDICINE CO.. 27l Wabash Ave, CHICAGO, ILL
Fo sale at Mlddleburgb. Pa. by W. II. Spangcr.
Druggist.
The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1896-10-15
A TIiumph OF Patience.

Exhibitor--It has token mo more'u
six mont's to learn him to do it. but
how's dat FOR do result?-Truth.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26

-'Uncle Toms Cabin" as a tent show, with ''seyen bioodhounds, trick donkey and several other star actors," drew in audience of ,500 people iii small Mis- souri town the other day.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
ISN'T IT woNDERFuL7

Isn't 1t wonderful. when you think, How the creeping grasses grow, High on the mountains rocky brink In the valleys down below? A common thing Is a grass-blade small, Crushed by the feet that pass But all the dwarfs and giants tall, Working till Doomsday-shadows fall Cant make a blade of grass. Isn't 1t wonderful, when you think. How little seed asleep. Out of the earth new life will drink, And carefully upward creep? A seed. we say. Is 6 simple thing,
 The germ of a flower or weed But all earth's workmen, laboring, With all the help that wealth could bring. Never could make seed. Isn't 1t wonderful, when you think. How the wild bird sings his song. Weaving melodies, link by link,
 The whole sweet summer long? Commonplace is bird, always,
 Everywhere seen and heard But all the engines of earth, I say. Working on till the Judgment Day. Never could make bird Isn't it wonderful. when you think, How little baby grows, From his big round eyes. that wink and
 blink,
 Down to his tiny toes? Common thing is baby, though
 All pray the baby's part zBut all the whirling wheels that go. Flying round while the ages flow,
 Can't make baby's heart.
 Julian s. Cutler, in Chicago Intericr.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
Not What They Wanted.

The old lady and the two girls turned up their noses in disgust.
 ''So this is the kind of place you've selected as a summer resort for us," said the former.
 Why, my dear,' expostulated her husband, Il thought this was just what you'd like"
 And you'll go back to the city and have good time," she interrupted.
 No music, no men, no excitement of any kind" put in one of the girls.
 But it's so quiet, so homelike," he ar gued.
 "Homelikel" cried the three women together. Do you suppose we went to all the trouble of getting ready to leave home in order to come to a homelile place?"
 And he had to admit the force of the argument and take them somewhere else.-Chicago Post.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
An Interviewed Ghost.

There are good many points in com mon between the Scotch and the Ulster minister, but the latter, perhaps, is, from his position, rather the more bel ligerent and fearless of the two. Hence 1t is not an easy task to frighten the minister. A ghost once attempted the business; it was at the witching hour, and in lonely, eerie spot, but the only sentiment aroused in the stout breast of the minister was curiosity, mixed with a desire for information. Man ghaist," he cried, needless of the danger of addressing such a being, ''is it a general rising amang ye, or are ye just out for 6 wee daunder by yourself?'-- x. |. Times.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
A BOYS BRAVE ACT.
How He Saved Trolley Car Loaded with People from Destruction.


 People from Destruction.
 In one of the largest cities of the United States there is trolley car iipe that crosses the track of a steam rail- road. The usual rail gates guard the crossing when trains are passing. but accidents have happened there in spite of such precautions. Not long ago what would have been fearful catastrophe was narrowly avertcd by the presence of mind of little newsboy who sold papers at the station near the crossing. As in all cases of such nature the facts are suppressed by the railroad companies. and it is hard to obtain even the meager details.
 It was early in the morning. and car with about 2Gpassengers rolled upto the crossing, and proceeded topass over the tracks slowly, as they invariably do. The conducting pole that extends from the roof of the car to the charged wire overhead slipped from the wire when the car was immediately over the tracks, causing it to come to stop. The conductor, who has charge of the rope that moves the pole and hangs down
 
 to make the pole connect with the wire, but the rope had caught in the roof of the car and jammed itself in such way that he was unable to see the cause of the trouble. The passen- gers were growing nervous, and wben the aiarm-bell at the crossing began ringing, announcing the approach of train, they made wild stampede for the doors. They all tried to get out at once, but only jammed themselves into a worse predicament.
 A short distance down the track, and coming around the curve at full speed, was fast express, and it seemed but question of few moments when the crash would come, and instantaneous death follow. The conductor stuck bravely to his post, and the lnotorman. pale but firm, stood with his hand on the key waiting for the electric current to start the car. When the express was but few yards distant, and amid the wild, hoarse screams of the frantic, struggling passengers, the car gave a sudden bound forward over the cross ing, and cleared the train by foot or two.
 The newsboy saw the danger of the car, saw the caught rope, and saw the remedy Close to the crossing was g. pile of lumber, and climbing that he leaped onto the roof of the car and re- leased the rope guiding the pole onto tlie wire. He took his life in his hands. for his brave act was all enacted in the face of fast approaching express, and the sudden start nearly threw him from the roof. Tn the general excite nent that followed the little fellow slipped away, and for some time the inn pression remained that the rope had loosened itself just in time. But the railroad company knew of the boys brave act, and he did not lose by his courage.-Harper' Round Table.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
CURED HER LOVE.
Parsons Advice to RIde Wheel Was
 Adopted with Glowing Results.

Parsons Advice to Ride a Wheel Was
 Adopted with Glowing Results.
 Ministers are sometimes bewildered by the condolences of members of their flock. Some of them are particular as to the callers they receive in the study or vestry. A well-l1nown preacher of the true doctrine makes it rule to see no member of the fair sex in the vestry unless the object of the call shall be stated beforehand.
 One day, however, when he had preached very eloquent sermon, a sad eyed lady member of his congregation forced her way into his house on the plea of urgent business, and, in spite of his most discouraging manner, in- sisted on informing him, with tears and sobs, that she had fallen hopelessly in love with a certain gentleman of her ac- quaintance, and that she did not know what would become of her in life unless he could be persuaded to return her affection.
 The reverend gentleman rose impa- tiently, and exclaimed that he should advise the lady to buy bicycle and go Out lOt d iohS ildC sCfCiy was cured. The damsel went away weeping, and saying that, alas! he did not understand that her love fever was incurable! The clergyman thought no more about the interview, which he had looked upon as being one of ths dis agreeable details of his profession; but q month later, as he was walking along the street. he met pretty, blooming, bright-eyed girl, who stopped him, and exclaimed, with enthusiasm:
 q can never be sufficiently grateful to you for your excellent advice; I have acquired bicycle, and go long rides every day, and now have no time to think of Mir. -. and don't care for him at all"-N Y. Mercury.
 --''UncIe Toms Cabin as tent show, with "seyen bioodhounds, a trick donkey and several other star actors,' drew in audience of ,500 people iii small Mis- souri town the other day.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26

mystic word, was admitted without de- mur.
 On entering found myself in kind
 of corridor, at the further end of which was door opening on a room in which
 l straightway ventured.
 It was a rather large apartment, hung with heavy draperies, and in the cen
 ter stood table upon which burned a
 couple of candles. Several chairs were
 ranged around this central article of furniture, one at the extreme end stand ing on slight elevation above the rest At the moment of my appearance the chamber was quite empty, but the sound
 of approaching footsteps reaching my
 ear almost directly, had only just time to conceal myself in the folds of
 one of the curtains, when several in- diyiduals entered and took their seats
 at the table. From my position it was impossible to see who they were or what they were like, but I listened intently
 in order to get some idea of them and
 their doings from their conversation. In this l was only partly successful, for, speaking in low tones, the greater part of their utterances became inaudi-
 ble to me, but what l did hear was suf- ficient to convince me that the league of the lifeless men" was neither more nor less than a secret assassination so- ciety, and that the present meeting was
 one called for the purpose of reporting
 on the dastardly work that it's members
 were in the habit of doing.
 As far as was able to judge (for the
 indistinctness left a good deal to be im- agined), each member was interrogated
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
INTENDED ASSASSINATION.

It was quite by chance that ! han pened to drop into that particular es tablishment. I had been spending considerable part of the afternoon il the reference department of the Britisl museum, in connection with some lit erary work I had at that time in hand and was feeling somewhat exhausted after the labor entailed in boring oveI the numerous tonnes had found 1t nee essary to consult for my purpose.
 I stepped into the first cafe that came across on leaving the museum, il order to obtain what l considered nee essary.
 The room in which found myself wa, dreary little apartment, dismall, lighted, with none too cleanly lool about it, and at the time I entered was entirely devoid of customers. nh, cup of coffee that got proved capita one and I slipped it with relish.
 Having in due course finished my lit tie repast, was about departing, wher the attendant, who had, as I thought more than once eyed me rather closely placed small card on the table in from of me and without any accompanying remark walked away.
 It was about the size of gentleman. visiting card, and peering at it in tht uncertain light saw inscribed in smal characters upon its surface the words arranged just as place them:
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26

door. In response to his summons a query was uttered from within, which I failed to catch.
 The answer to it, however, did not escape me. It was the word Progress" the same which figured in quotation marks at the bottom of the card inad- vertently given me at the coffee shop, and this demonstrated to me the fact which I had indeed before guessed for myself-that the word was simply q passport of admittance, for upon it being pronounced the portal immediate ly swung open and the stranger en- tered
 This decided me. Taking my cue from what I had witnessed, l. too, knocked three times, and uttering in re- ply to the challenge from within, the
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
SHEDDING IN MADEIRA.
Everything Is Skates and Walking Is Dangerous.


 The master-at-arms went out into the plaza and hired a bnlla-carta A bulla-carta is in reality covered sled provided with curtains and drawn by two oxen. For the proper management of these vehicles, according to Fortu- guese ideas, two men are necessary. One goes ahead, in order to check any ambitious intentions on the part of the oxen, and apparently does the guiding. The duties of the other are harder to define; he receives the fare incidentally, and urges on the oxen in those plaintive. wailing tones which he who has been to Madeira can never forget, and wlicl incline him to believe that the Port } guese language is one of lamentata a As Mir. Keegan tersely remarked, evesa thing is lon skates" in Madeira. 'sh streets of Funchal are paved with s..,. lava blocks, set on end, and polish, . degree that makes walking dangeroI to people who wear the shoes of civili- zation. Hence the owners of the bulIa- cartas do thriving business with for eigners, especially up the slope, where a false step is fraught with no inconsid- erable consequences.
 It was up the hillside. or rather up the first slopes of the mountain, that the villa to which the master-at-arms was going was situated. Few visit Madeira who do not take the delightful ride UT the mountain on horseback, and ex perience the delirium of the coast dow over the polished stones in a wickes sled Ascending, the traveller look from his saddle over the high yefs walls on each hand into invitinsur- dens of tropical luxuriance, thsu on- trees often completely archings not over his head. But the mastesxrms cared nothing nbout looking iSl nd gardens, and had a sailor'ss cla m against horses he discreet citing the bulla-carta. Even the pfle cap procession of winegrowers king met coming down the mcuntai. q. more of an impression on hil. s',' s' they had been draft of nel rst He sat back behind the curtse,,,, sa,, /. bulla-carta, and smoked broansay, ., cigarettes, and meditated on '. ''S of his mission; and he. .pn whether the senhora wouldShc s1A ax favor on the plan. Only oncal l- WI had to turn out for fat |. s,.a- from the convent above, was he sta- ssk from these reflections. The priai- descending at pace which wotthe defied trolley car, but he ss The sled with as much equanimitsgear were pronouncing q benedic8 guide deftly balanced On the r,i . es hind.-CLicago Post. Y Sss, ssf1g
 issisiis:z= =s=s.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26


 My life in danger!" echoed the off, cer, with tinge of derision in his tone. Impossible! ] have carried 1t un- scathed through half a dozen cam paigns, and it cannot be menaced nowi Besides" he added, with chcery laugh. sswho cares for the life of a worn- out soldier?"
 "I can tell you of one who loes," whispered the young lady on his arm, looking lovingly into her fathers face.
 Now tell me, my dear sir, what you mean" said the old gentleman. flor you seem terribly in earnest"
 "Sir," I replied, Il happen to know that conspiracy is on foot to take your life and that the assassins mean to make the attempt this very night. For some reason, of which l am quite in ignorance, you have incurred the hatred of secret assa ssination society, and the members of it have decreed your doom. It is in order to warn you and prevent the execution of their foul de- signs that have come here this after noon."
 I related the adventure which had formed the subject of my narrative, explaining everything in it's minutest detail. As l proceeded I noticed the veterans features gradually relaxing. and directly I had finished, to my in- tense chagrin, he burst into fit of laughter that lasted several minutes.
 Excuse my rudeness," he said at the end of it, 'but nobody enjoys a joke more than soldier, and this is the best that I have heard for long time. My dear sir" he went on, you have stun. hled across monster mares nest.
 "The League of the Lifeless Men is no more an assassination society than the Salvation Army CT any other similar confederation. It is simply social or ganization formed for the primary ob. ject of playing chess. and the only peo- pie it's members are in the habit of slaughtering are the opponents against whom they happen to be pitted, for give you my word, as an inveteratc chess player, that they are the most skillful manipulators of the Jjfelesa men l have ever seen.
 'They are now about to play series of games with a kindred club to which have the honor to belong. and meet ing is arranged for at my house this evening at nine, when I anticipate we shall get decisive beating. Their headquarters are at 64 Delamore street and the meeting at which you so TO- mantically assisted was doubtless one called to report on their last tourna. ment.
 Now that l have explained it all to you and you see there is no cause for alarm" concluded the colonel, good humoredly, "I must insist that you dc me the honor of staying to dinner with us and smoking a cigar with me after. ward. The man who is anxious to save the life of a fcllow-creature is entitled to know something of the person tha; life belongs to-"
 Stupid, however, as was the mistake into which I had fallen, I never re gretted it, for acquaintanceship with Col. Crawley and his charming daugh ter led to an engagement which ulti. mately resulted in happy marriage Tit-Bits.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26
Hc Saw It on.

Patsy, run down to the station and see what time the last train starts for Dublin"
 T will your honor."
 (Exit. An interval of six hours.) "Well, what on earth kept you all that timer,
 Sure, wasn't to see what time the train started? And how was I to como back before she went ?"-Tit- Bits.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26

At the beginning of this century the Russian language was used by 3o,- 770,00o people, now it is spoken by 75,- 100000.
The Mena weekly star., 1896-08-26

The Zend is ssaid to have been the an-
 cicnt language of Bactriana, and also
 of Zoroaster and the fire worshipers of Persia.