Kansas City daily journal., 1896-10-26

DON pay as Welln'
Topeka, kas. W. C.
More FiIisree Sketches by the Boy
Orator of Nubbin Ridge.
From the Topeka Mail.
Fellow torchbearers.
Citizens. guards. lctors. etc.
This is an important and momentous
campaign.
Business Is business and am in 1t up
to the neck.
1 have made Mr.. Mckinley realize that
he has a horse race on his hands.
When he pitched the trump at ST. Louis
he overlooked the fact that 1 Was to sit in
the game.
The cards have been running my way all
summer. and 1 fiatter myself that l know
how to use them to the best advantage.
l have vanquished the preachers, the ed
itorS and other moneyed classes. in all parts
of the country.
1 have silenced all the famous orators who
have been pitted against me from Maine
to California.
Let's of smart people have been trying to
answer Bob Ingersoll for years, but did
1t in one little speech.
l have accomplished a still greater feat:
/ kept 2,00 women perfectly quiet In Min
neapolis for two hours.
1 am the only presidential candidate that
has ever appealed for the Suffrages of a
free people in his nightgown.
The whole burden of the campaign has
been shifted to my shoulders and am car
rying it, Atlas-like, all over the world.
am the Bunyan of political pilgrims,
and keep everlastingly at it, with full
complement of feet.
Should be defeated at the polls shall
go into training at once for a trial of
speed, strength and vocal endurance with
Joe Patchen. Sandow and a long distance
telephone.
1 have but one lamp by which my feet
are guided. and that is duplex burner I
resurrected in a junk shop at Nubbin
Ridge.
By it's dual light fancy I can see my
way clear. from Lincoln TO Washington,
from the Coliseum to the White House
Its effulgent beams demonstrate conclus-
lively to me that silver Is going up and
gold Is coming down.
1t is sort of balloon elevator process.
and I am the first statesman to strike the
combination.
After the adoption of free coinage We
are going to have a big silver reception
and invite gold to meet US in social inter-
course.
Like Pooh-Bah, gold Is an exclusive per-
sonage. He doesn't circulate very freely
when silver parties are in vogue.
He Is not a good mixer, but on this oc-
| casion We hope he will accept our hospi-
| tality and mingle once more with the COM
mon people.
We are told that free coinage ought not
| to prevail because everybody would rush
| to the mints with the family spoons to
| have them coined into money.
| That is true my friends, but you ought
| to be glad of it, for you could take the
| money and buy more spoons.
] The silver metal In a spoon, we will say,
| is worth So cents. Under my plan you can
| take it to the mint and have it coined into
| dollar.
U-;,h Att. -,...,, 49,, 80. .,,-oho.. -.
| other spoon and still be half dollar ahead
| Of the game. See?
By continuing the operation you would
| soon have more spoons and dollars than
| you would know what to do with.
This is one of the benehcent results OF
| the system of finance am advocating. 1t
| means prosperity, immediate and universal.
| 1t Is better than raising corn at 10 cents
| a bushel or oats at S. From now on let
| spoons be your battle cry.
| 1 presume there are some newly married
| couples here to-day. and no doubt they are
| happy possessors Of duplicate sugar tongs.
butter dishes and pickle forks, received as
| wedding presents.
| Thousands of families have such articles
| laid away in boxes and drawers, and many
| of you are preserving extra files Of silver
| napkin rings won at progressive euchre
| parties, or fished from grab-bags at char
| table fairs.
| I propose to relieve the financial situa-
| ton by having this surplus bullion con-
verted into spot cash.
There is money in 1t, my countrymen
and free coinage will help every one Of
| you.
I am young in years; a callow statesman,
| II you please, but I have remedies that
| will do you good, no matter what your ills
may be.
In all my travels the best campaign BAN
| ner have seen bore this inscription: Our
| grararies are full. but our pockets are
| empty"
That covers the whole situation. I pro-
| pose to put money in your pockets and still
| leave you with your bursting granaries and
congested larders.
| Is there an editor of a newspaper here?
| I desire to point him out to this audience
as a thing to be loathed and Stunned.
| He is no doubt telling you every day that
| I am a delusion and a snare drum
| I hope you do not read his paper, or IL
| you do that you are delinquent subscrib-
| ers and will not pay up until after We have
| free coinage.
| 1t is the editor that deserves 5o-cent
| dollar in his Golfers and the preacher that
| is worthy to receive 21a-cent nickel In the
| contribution box.
| Should 1 be defeated at the coming elec-
tion shall continue to go to church. like
! a philosophical Christian.
| Blu. at the close Of the services 1t will
be found that have parted with Slothing
| more valuable than a pants button or the
inside lining of free silver scarf pin.
| / reiterate what I have heretofore said.
| that whatever goes up must come down
/ or remain forever In painful suspense.
| I also call your attention once more to
| the fact that this must continue to be i
| government of, by and for the people.
| through the instrumentality OF the Chicago
| convention.
| Your chairman has Just reminded me that
| neglected to remove my hat upon taking
| the platform.
He also states that large. rectangular
| oriices are beginning to appear wherever
| my headgear comes in contact with these
| penetrating thoughts.
| / infer, therefore, that ii is time to shut
| up shop and go on to the next crossroads.
| Don't believe anything 1 have not told
you in regard TO silver, for 1 have ex-
| p,aired the whole business minutely.
| 1t only remains for you TO vote as I
| have indicated and all will be well-for
| me.
Look out for roorbacks and razorbacks-
l Republicans apt to get hoggish in the
| closing hours of the campaign.
! Beware of Hanna's Doodle and close
| your ears to that insidious campaign ball
| lad, "The Sweet Buy and Buy"
Keep your courage Up to the voting point.
| my countrymen.
Free silver and frijoles are In sight.
l Let the fall plowing go and raise more
| clubs
No time now to think 1t over.
| Hail and farewell!
| BoIdest of Class Leeislation.
| From the Detroit Free Press.