Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1896-03-02
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

Don't stand on your dignity too
much Get off occasionally and hus-
tie. Puck.
Teacher -"What was Joan of Arc
maid Off" Pupil-"Made of dust. -
Boston Transcript.
The man who conducts his business
in slipshod manner naturally loses
his standing. Puck.
Henley-"Brown is very far see
ing man." Penley when he is
looking backwards. Truth.
Love may be blind, but his sense of
hearing is SO acute that he never mis-
takes the jingle OF copper for gold.-
Truth.
By having a place for everything
and everything in its place, you can
be source of great comfort to care
less people who don't remember where
they leave things. Puck.
Friend-"It must be awful to have
the newspapers keep saying such
things about YOU" Political Candi-
date-"Yes, but suppose they didn't
say anything at allP'-Someryille
Journal.
'Does the old fellow have money!.
'1 rather think So" "Makes show,
does he?" "Oh, no-but his daugh-
ter, who is thirty five years old and
awfully ugly, was married last week"
-Gothamite.
May-"They tell me your engage
ment with Charley Gumpleigh is
broken. How did it happen?" Carrie
lit is no mystery. The fact is, he
was too frosh to keep; that's all. -
Boston Transcript.
Hicks-"Times are pretty hard, ]
can tell you. Why, it's Ill l can doto
keep my family out of the almshouse.
Wicks-"And is the almshouse in
your town really SO attractive as
that P"-Boston Transcript.
Softleigh-"The Widow Passe pro.
posed to me last night" Sappehead
-"Reallyl What did you say?"
Softleigh-"Told her I'd be son to
her. You see, her daughter got there
first. "--Philadelphia Record.
ooh, DEAR" sighed Mrs. Cumso as
she tossed about in he'd, "lm suffer-
ing dreadfully from insomnia" EGO
to sleep and you'll be all right"
growled MIR. Cumso as he rolled over
and began to snore again. Judge.
Hubby-"When I first got married
I determined to have no large items of
expense in housekeeping, but I find,
after all, that it is the little things
that count" Batch-"How many
have you?" Hubby-"I have four"
Detroit Free Press.
The person who will construct some
phrases with which man who has
fallen down on slippery sidewalk
can adequately express himself with.
out shocking the passers-by and lay.
ing himself liable to arrest, will do
much to advance the cause OF civiliza.
tion. Puck.
81 might as we'll plead guilty,
judge" owned up the penitent pris.
oner at the bar. 'If it had been a
bolt of lace or basket of diamonds
you might have called it kleptomania
and let me go, but don't reckon that
would work in this case. stole the
hog, judge. Chicago Tribune.
Charity is divine attribute, but
the man who sets out to practice if
soon discovers that it is q one-sided af
fair. 1t is regarded by the other Teller
as very slick and easy way of getting
something for nothing. Be charita-
BILE, but keep bucksaw and half a
cord of wood on hand. Detroit
Free Press.
A lawyer residing in the North of
England, and noted for his laconic
style of expression, sent the following
terse and witty note to refractory
client, who would not succumb to his
reiterated demands for the payment
of his bill: ''Sir, if you pay the en-
closed, you will oblige me. If you do
not, shall obl1ge you. "-Pittsburg
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