davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03
A PURSE PROUD PAPA.

How He EoiIed 3 Poor Sutton In the Year
1925.
It was in 1895 CXou will observe that
am inventing a tense here. call it the
historical future past and have applied for
a copyright) A pale faced youth, with an
Immense head and a diminutive body,
sailed rapidly southwark from the southern
coast of Australia After a short journey
into the Antarctic ocean he turned
crank, pressed a button, and the boat came
to rest.
IL am now, - he exclaimed ezultingly,
Sat the a1tipades of New York am as
far away from her father as I can get.
Here viii cost the die. - He drew his
electric aeropl.one FROM his pocket and
called up New York.
Give me 7950S Fifth avenuel'' he said
TO the young lady who was running
things IN the so story building the West
srn Union has just completed. Give it
to me on your quickest electric wave, and
please change that Colorado Madura for
Colorado Caaro or stop smoking can
smell it clear here" A moment later
bell rang in the ye0th' head.
All, is that you, Mr Richfather? I
wanted to speak to yeu about little mat
ter am Theodore SinpIzins. You Macy
have heard your daURater speak Of mo. I
wish to marry her. an poor, but not
too proud. Den t swear So please. What
did I understand your answer to bes''
At this moment the youth dropped IN
conscious and remained so until the au-
rora austrahs came along and bathed
his head ia eau de cologne. He revived
in Tins to thank TIE aurora Then he
felt a burning desire at his heart. He
took out his EoeRtgen Ray Ready Relief
apparatus and examined his heart close
IT, Scared upon it was this inscription:
''Parsially ParaiyzaG by Peppers Patent
Electric Poor EgiteP Annih1lAtor, Prepared
Especially Fer the UsO Of Purse Proud
Papas. Patent Applied For. -
Invented and put on the market since
I left New York ten days ago, muttered
the youth sadly. -" Row can a fellow keep
up with science in these days. Oh, how I
wish that I lived back in the days when
rich fathers could only kick and usually
had the Reutn '-Eosn Han IN Truth.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

The old-rnan Was getting On"
In fact, he was almost so, and his adj
vancing years became the subject Of good
humored Jest among the younger set, and
they ali faeetiously declared the old man
was getting on. =
A hale old chap, though.
One Of those grand old men you read
about
Hreot as a young sapling, though am
free to confess that didn't notice the
saplings during my summer vacation as TO
whether they were really erect or not.
Hearty old fellow he was, and as fail Of
fun as college boy.
Always up to the times, too, like the
rest of the world
He was wont to declare that what the
youngsters OF 19 could do so could the old
ster of 80.
But 1t could not be disguised that he
was getting on. "
BE had Been e getting on for some time,
and secretly it annoyed hiEn-
He thought if he could only manage to
stay on it wouldR't be so bad
But the beastly bicycle threw him every
time, and at his age such exercise was a
trifls tireso4ne.
However, practice makes perfect
And he finally managed to get on.
They say now that the old man IS in
clined to be a bit Of q scorcher.-New
York Sunday World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03
sAnl.aElFEls.s d IL. .glTI.III5.

Whan ]. ccrns lsaEaa. fFaga vEeEE ae niSAe
GGRd ina All td n-
IheiH rs is cut. I'll lda s1l dry
Nin e had al e mar SUP.
Our trouble6 a.s ss9ia ter 1tEA3
Erpon US IA ers1Sub-
It1s now, when hsoy' B. get tn oRoaRt
Eandanthy's ca ca stHpi
B'pese Pm ios' er selfish GUS
Ter want ter hold her hers
She sex a1as~vEhen duty P 'tnta
Her toward er biEtssE sphere
She sex this blessed land ~ ouE8
Is Reia down tersluzaP
Ter ruin, an, ta' head ee e.
6amantily'n On en- aeulaR-
no qniet Lifts ter horne fus hsH
She sGwa she oaaaat abide
@ech sinful se5Gga1l9gsa an SO
She lets Oh Family slide.
Her heaEt warn't htilt ter held 'eE few.
Her pa3lanthropSc bump
Eez blatged an bulgaa unell terday
Eamanshy's On tn stump.
Ia peoples elamor fur their righea
browns ou5th' ba'by's cry;
Too busy shsutin fur tn cause
Ter sing .er 1ui1erby-
EeEed ca by love Of country an
Hurrah ter biosF TIA trump
OF progress an humanity
Samanthy's on ia stump
Mary Norton Bradford in Boston Globe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

ri come of poor but honest parents, :"
said the beggar pleadingly.
"Of course, replied the housewife sar-
cRstically
There was no hardship Of poverty that
we didn't have to endure, . persisted the
beggsr-
"That's what you al say. - returned the
housewife
Few people in this world know priva-
ton as we knew it -
81 suppose not
why, ma'an,' - asserted the beggar in
desperation, in that whole family of six
people there wasn't a single bicycle -
$50 poor as that cried tho housewife
sympathetically. Poor feHovvl Come in
and let me give you some pie. Chicago
Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

some original poems by Mrs q. S. Ba-
ker and Mrs Sarah Hargreawes, pa
pers by President Garretson. Mr.. B. ,.
Smyth and Mrs. III. wv. Roby. Visitors
viii be welcomed.
Mrs. ID. L. Morse returned Monday
from a. five weeks visit with friends in
Jewell City and Clay Center.
Mr.. and Mrs H. w Neiswanger en-
tertained q few of the maskers after
the parade last evening.
Mr.. Walter Noble viii give q dinner
Monday evening to a few of his friends
at his home on Harrison street.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

''say, old man, said the oasoer, 'syou
have been hanging around here on this
corner grinning long enough. What are
you trying to d0-malSe a mashg''
Mash nothin, p replied the honest old
farmer II got into political argument
with some smart young Teller here on the
corner more hour ago and bet him he
eouldn't get 800 in gold for a 500 green
back. Hos Fushin arOun yie huntin fer
that there gold. %
ssAh. said the policeman "Who fur
nished tbs gEeenbaoke''
me
s0hP'--Indianapolis Journal
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

mamma, what is hereditys'' as4ed
Bobby, shedding a few tears ard labori-
ously tripping over the syllables of the
long word
'sWhy, it is-it is something you get
from your father or me, replied the
mother
Silence Of two minutes and more tears. .
'sThen. ma, he asked, lis spanking
hereditaryS' Sitter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

The vaeant house yawned dssmally.
"Who was &C. " 1t observed thoughtfully,
that wrote those beautiful lines.
sf1len may come and men may GO,
But 90 On foreverf''
Then the gas meter blushed like a sehool-
girl. They 're-they re nothing, y ft muir
INJURED; Just a line or two I dashed of
when the tenant left the oblaer day. 49,
TrutH
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03
Froan HE Viewpoint.

The bloener girl was rather proud Of
herself and the progress made by her sex.
Women are becoming very successful,
don't you think?'' she asked
In what way. he returned bitterly.
'sThey can It be men, and they won't be
women, and there you are. ''-Chieago
POST
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

"They tell me the DeCourcys have a
skeleton in their closet. -
Yes"
"And that they have bssn dropped by
society"
Eyes"
"Beeause Of the skeleton in the closet, I
suppose
Not at all. Tt was because they didn't
keep it there. Chicago Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

''They say man cannot ride bicycle
when he is full, said the laxative board
err
pers, fl want to know why it is bicycle
riders are 50 given to the habit of running
over '-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

'I presume, - remarked the tourist, the
amazons have a warcrys'' The king Of
Dahomey Inclined his head afdrmatively.
&C. Yes he answered That is to say,
they use substantially the same cry IN war
that they use when they want a new dress.
Yes Edective? Sayl,-Deeroit Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

Ethel-How down in the mouth why
6appleigh mast fell
Maude-Whys
Ethel saw him trying 70 bite rs mus
taehs.-Now York Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03
= d. d. ". Notioe.

All members of Apollo lodge No 1ss.
are requested to meet at their lodge
room, 704, 706 Kansas avenue Sunday
at p. m sharp to attend the funeral Of
Brother Jefferson Corns.
All brothers Of other lodges invited
to meet with US.
W. f. ST. ATARYS,
Master Workman.
T.. A1. PENWELL. Recorder.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

get genuine vio5uals on the stage-that it
IS always Imitation food which is used.
Storms the Actor-Well not always
We osssn gse real eggs. -Eonksrs States
nan
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

ooh, yes" said the pretty Chicagoeses
with a puzzled smile, "she's a nice girl,
but I never know how to talk to these New
England people 3"
"Whya"
ooh, they seem to take marriage 50 e.
Eiously. Detroit News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

A hacking cough is not only annoy
ing to others. but it is dangerous to
the person who has it. One Minute
Cough Cure viii quickly put an end to
it. George w. StansheId, 631 Kansas
avenue.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

Stout Man Gin a Holborn bus)-Why
don't you get up and give one Of the
ladies a ssatf
Boy-Why don't you get up end give
them both a seat9-Tit-B Bits
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

BIS Frisnd-pid you hear about young
Spendthr1fbP He has married and settled
down.
His Tai1or-Uml Has haP Wish he
had married and settled .up.-New York
Press
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

You don't mean to say you became en-
gagged to ktm aftsE but i've hours aequains-
ance2"
81 Certainly How EanOh time would you
have ne devote tO ono engagement -
Brooklyn Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

feeling very we'll
As to she cradle Of the deep, - he said
sadly.
sfFes9'
Well, netbing nspoh, except ehabI wish
is WasR't an auto1nacfc rocker. ''-C Chicago
Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

Little Girl - Here's another olOsst.
Hahn t we got lots Of EN- in our house,
Neighbours Little Girl-Xes. My mann
ma says there's q skeleton IN one Of en-
Let me sec It, will you9-ChioasO ZFlb-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

az told Miss Golghtly that I would go
round the world for her sake.
"What did she says''
fsShe answered that half way round
would do. r. Chicago Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

How did you get in there in the first
placeF asked tho EaHcuars, who had pulled
Mr.. Kerrigan &roEn the canal
BE way av che top, r said AIr. Kerrigan.
However it was too late to throw ham IA
again. -C3naiRnat Enquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03
Bavard CON- I'd scotland.

London. Oct. 8.-The United States
Ambassador Mr.. Thomas f. Bayard. is
still staying at Guilford. with Sir Rich
ard Webster. He is going to Scotland
October g where he viii spend several
weeks on a round Of visits Miss Jean
Inglow, the author. is suffering from q
serious sickness
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

Broken edge collars made smooth By
Peerless Steam Laundry
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-10-03

The KIng. q FIns Beeoham's-BEEoHAMIa
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05
IN THE SLUMS.

In 1892 congress appropriated $4,000
for the work of investigating what are
known as the slums of the great Amer
lean cities. The work has been per-
formed under the direction of Carroll
d. Wright, commissioner of labor, and
his report presented a few days ago.
contains much that is of genuine in
terest. The investigation has not been
as thorough and exhaustive as could
be desired, but in general this much
has been learned. according to Mr..
wright's statistics, namely that the
condition Of the people who live in the
slums is better than II has popularity
been supposed to be. Take. for instance,
the consideration of health. The gov
eminent agents are nearly unanimous
in agreeing that no greater sickness
prevailed in the slum districts can
vassed than in other parts of the city.
and that, while the most wretched
conditions were found here and there,
the small number of sick people dis
covered was a surprise to the canvass
ers." But while this was true at the
time of the investigation. it is proba-
bly, also true that when an epidemic
arises its ravages are more marked in
the slum districts than in others. We
do not see how it could possibly be
otherwise.
In all, S3.S52 persons were inspected.
Is, s96 of whom were in New York, 49,
74S in Chicago. ls,O4S in Baltimore and
about 1900 in Philadelphia. This is
by no means a complete list for. as the
commissioner writes. according to the
estimates. in Baltimore there were U.s.
000 in Chicago 1872 600. in New York
$50. 900. and in Philadelphia $1,000 peo-
pie living in the slums. These dis
tricts," the commissioner states, were
selected as among the worst in the
cities and may be denominated as the
centers of the slum districts. They
were outlined and selected In consulta-
ton with the city authorities"
1t was found that in New York and
/ Chicago, there was one liquor saloon
/ for every 200 inhabitants. In Philadel-
/ phia. however. there was only one to
every SOP persons. Taking the $3.50 per-
sons living in the slum districts Of the
/ four cities. New York. Philadelphia,
Chicago and Baltimore. IL was invaria-
bly, found that there was a larger per-
centage OF males. In New York 1t was
the highest. 5f.6l. As 60 the for
/ eign born. there were in New
! York. 62.5S per cent not natives AS
]
cent. but Of these a very large pro-
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05

lessly attacked at any time, and even
the Monroe doctrine. the Hale House
and the esteemed Inter Mountains
richly varfegated opinions of the Butte
city administration be accounted the
product OF ancient Mongolian thought
John Mcguire, we know. Is a good
citizen and a good fellow, but he must
not go on proving that the worlds
latest and best ideas are Chinese
chestnuts. He must not continue stir
ring the Ohio press to wrath. for the
Ohio press has other FISH and fat to
fry. There may be nothing new under
the sun, not even the new woman. New
Mexico. New Years or new moons: but
it's a pleasant illusion to entertain
that we moderns are by long odds the
smartest and fiippest people the earth
ever saw. and why shouldn't we enjoy
II! At any rate what's the use OF CIV
ing the Chinese credit for everything.
Divide up the spoils and give the
Gauls. the haginians. the Ethiop-
ians, the Canadians. the Hindoos and
the Hoodoos a show. Mr.. John Ma
guire will please take notice that the
Chinese must go.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05
FUN FOR ST. LOUIS.

Mr.. Manley estimates the number Of
contestants who will show up at St.
Louis at $50.
The delegation from each state and
territory and the District Of Columbia
will name one of it's number for the
committee on credentials, and the in
fiuence that captures this committee
will in all probability name the can
didate for president. The rivals of Mr..
Mckinley are now thought to be
punching their hits with the hope of
wrestling the committee from McKin-
ley's control. AS shrewd and clever
players as ever engaged in the game
of politics are at it, and they may win.
Meanwhile the people of St Louis
are gloating over the prospect of an
exceptionally long convention. 1t is be-
lieved that at least one week will be
consumed on the contesting delega-
lions and other preliminaries. The To-
cal committee of arrangements has
therefore made the tickets of admis-
sion good for ten days. with the pro-
viso that the time can be extended to
cover the session, no matter how long
II lasts. 1t cannot be protracted too
long to suit st. Louis.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05
FILINGS AT THE FAIR SEX

Medium-The spirit of your wife wishes
to speak with you. Widower-You're a IA
ker; my wife never would ask permission
to speak to me.-Truth.
Man" she bitterly exclaimed, lis DOM
mated by the almighty dollar" And
woman" he rejoined with spirit, by the
almighty 90 cents."-Detroit Tribune.
The reason why the average woman APP
pears as old at 80 as the average man
does at 40 is because the average woman
at 30 is usually about 40.-L. A. W. Bull
letin.
Husband-My! How you did snore last
night; l couldn't sleep. Wife-Why didn't
you wake me up?. II thought you were
making enough noise as 1t was."-To-
Date.
Minister-And do you believe that your
greatest troubles come from heaven?
Deacon-Well, they say that's where mar
raiges are made.-Yonker's N. Y, States
man.
II wonder why the widows always get
the best of the race for husbands?" asked
the fool young man. They are faster, !
guess" replied Miss Ann Shent.-Cincin-
natl Enquirer
Young Wife-We are told to cast our
bread upon the waters and IL will return
after many days" Brute Husband-Yes.
but don't you try 1t; IL would take a
diver and a pair of graphing irons to re-
turn yours.-To-Date.
Hoax-My wife and some of her friends
are going to organize secret society.
Joax-Nonsense! The idea of women In a
secret society," Hoax-You misunder-
stand. They are to meet to tell secrets
Philadelphia Record.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05
SUNDAY, APRIL 8. 1886.
EASTER.

One Of the evidences OF the enduring
principles OF the Christian religion is
the increasing respect shown year after
year for its two great ceremonial days.
AS time rolls on Christmas and Easter
are observed more universally. with
more lavish and loving displays of flow
ers, with grander programmes of music.
with a more reverent spirit and a finer
and truer appreciation of the ideas
which these occasions revive in mems
brains and hearts. The one great fact
that Easter symbolizes and teaches is
Immortality. Other religions have
taught the same idea, but in a vague,
crude way. filling the imagination with
pictures OF material heavens, with ma
terial pleasures forever Cutting ma
terial appetites. Christianity teaches
Immortality. as 1t teaches its code OF
morals. beautifully. impressively. low
ingly. logically. A glorious festival
therefore. is Easter and gloriously may
IL be celebrated from pole to pole and
shore TO shore.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05

One of the Largest and juciest plums
In the American political market is
the Office of excise commissioner In
New York state under the new Raines
liquor law. He is appointed by the
governor His salary is $1,000 a year.
with an allowance of 81, 200 a year for
expenses. This will continue for a term
OF FIVE years. He has the appointment
of a deputy with a salary of $4,000 and
$1,000 for expenses; a secretary at
1900 a year; an unlimited number of
clerks; a special deputy for each of the
three counties of New York, Kings and
Erie at salaries of $4,000, $4,000 and
$1,000. respectively. and necessary
clerks for each; a special confidential
agent In every county of the state at a
salary OF $1,000 each and expenses; an
attorney in each county TO assist the
special agents. the compensation to be
fixed by the commissioner. The duties
of the Office of state commissioner are
nominal. as are the duties of all his
subordinates. Oh, what a snap.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05
QUAINT OR CURIOUS.

The name of trolley cars" now COM
monty applied to electric street railway
cars. was derived from the trade name Of
the upwardly projecting pole which makes
contact with the overhead wire and which
was first called a trolley pole" This
pole being the most conspicuous differ
/ ence between an electric street car and q
horse car, tie former soon became popu-
larry know as trolley cars.
Health Q Ulcers want $500 900 with which
to fight tuberculosis in New York state.
They claim that the disease is the one
most prevalent among human beings and
animals in the state. They declare that
the bacilli of tuberculosis are communi-
Gated to human beings through the milk
of disease cows and that a thorough in
vestigation of the condition of all ami
mails be made.
English is the language that has al
tered most. Regarded merely as a Teuton-
ic language 1t is furthest removed from
the parent stock. 1t is descended from the
Saxon, which is the parent of low Ger
man and Dutch, and, as IL were. grand
parent of English But besides the Teu-
tonic part. which is but the groundwork
of the language. it has suffered all the
effects of lengthy occupation
Switzerland has called for a meeting Of
the countries that took part in the Berne
conference, to decide on a metric stand
ard for gauging screws. The slight devia-
tons between the pitch and the thread of
screws made by English standards from
those made by the metric scale form a Sc
rious obstacle to the real adoption of the
metric system in countries obtaining ma
chinery from England.
An extraordinary tale is told by Major
Pryse Gordon of a wound received in the
Waterloo campaign by one Donald Of the
Ninety-second regiment He had been
shot in the thigh by a musket ball. The
ball was extracted but still the wound
did not heal. A large abscess formed.
Poultices were applied and on an incision
being made a five-franc piece and a one
franc piece were extracted, together with
/, a bit of cloth.
The new woman made a good showing
in the election at fremont, Me-, a few
days ago. In several towns in Maine this
year there were women candidates for
places on the school boards, and in most
cases they were not encouraged strongly.
But in fremont, though party lines were
drawn closely in the case of other candi-
| dates. all united to elect the woman men,
Der of the school board and she went in
! at the head of the poll.
The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1896-04-05

we have been forbidden to give our sons
to the army. 50 we give our daughters"
Many Of the leading explorers and SCI
entists in Europe believe that DIR. Nansen
has really reached the pole. and that be-
fore early fall he will have returned to
civilization and proved his claims to
glory. Especially In Russia II faith In
Nansen's success prevalent among men
who have made a study of matters geo
graphical. Baron Toll. the Siberian ex-
pIorer. believes that hansen has reached
the north pole
The emperor of Germany has not the
faculty of friendship" He takes strong
fancies toward people. But there Is a good
deal Of hckleness in his makeup. II II
this inability on his part to maintain an
aspect of permanency in his likes and
dislikes that disrupted the Berlin court.
There is a feeling in his household that
those who are his friends to-day he will
turn into enemies tomorrow.