davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Sir" he said as he stalked into
the clergyman's study, ''you are the
man who tied the knot, 1 believe"
Il beg your pardon" said the cler.
gyman, looking up from his sermon.
"You performed the marriage cere.
mony for me, didn't you?"
''Yes, certainly, Mr.. Willings
What, may l ask"
Then you know what the rights OF
a husband are?"
"Why, yes, in a general way"
cana the rights Of u wife,"
"Of course"
well, now, SIR" said the caller,
drawings chair up to the clergyman's
desk and taking a seat, ''has a wife a
license to torture her husband?"
Certainly not"
'If she makes his life miserable he
has redress, Of course?"
"Ye5, but ! should advise"
Never mind your advise now.
Wen come to that later. My wife
complains that / don't shave often
enough"
so, that's a small matter"
sit is, sir Is it Just waitl
fold her that that was my affair, and
then She taught the children to cry
when l kissed them so that she could
say that my rough chin hurt them
THAT hardly shows a Christian
"Wait a minute! Yesterday morn
ing l found them playing with the
cylinder Of a broken music-box. You
know how that seems to the touch?''
Certainly"
"Well, she taught them to call 1t
'Papa's Chin"
REALLY, sir, I must confess"
swat till I'm through. To-da,
one Of them got up on my knee,
passed his little hand over my chin,
and called 1t 'Papa's music box. Now,
sir, l ask of you as a Christian man
and as the man who tied the knot.
what shall / do?"
Get shaved" replied the clergy.
man, softly, as he returned to hii
work. --[Chicago Tribune.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

In the little old house in Charles
street, Fredericksburg, Va, Washing
toms mother, who was in her day a
famous cook and housewife, was at
times fond of giving a small dance
and dinner party"
There son the waxed floor of the
front room, lighted by numerous eau
dies" the bellies and beaux of other
days "dld dance right merrily." In a
diary, now worn and yellowed by age.
n bright-eyed belle tells:-
my petticoat was of Powered
Peach satin, with long-waisted Coat
of White. A lace Kerchief was gath
cred round my Shoulders, and my
Arms were bare to the elbows. A
string Of milk-white pearls did tie
around my throat. My hair l had
high, and pleasing powdered. And
silver buckles were upon my shoes"
Old MI. L., mi of the neighbors,
happening to drop in one morning
while Mrs. Washington was busy In
her dairy, was requested to come there
II he cared to speak with her. He
entered, found Mrs. Washington with
skirts turned up and sleeves rolled.
busy with the fresh made butter.
which she was moulding in a wooden
tray.
'For you know, Mr.. L." she said
briskly, my tongue and my hands
may be employed at the same time
without loss"
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Eminent Physician unfolding
horning paper)-I wonder II my
address before the Wiseacres Medi-
cal Society de%nouncing advertls-
ing doctors has been printed? Hum
mo, l don't see it. oh, yes, here 1t
Is. Why. confound the blanketY-
blank reportersl
Loving WRe-What's the matter
Tear?
Great Physician-Why, they haven't
said that INV speciality is throat and
lung disease, that 1 am at the very
top of the profession, and they've
omitted to give my oifice address and
hours, and the number of my tele-
phone. / gave them all that informa-
ton, but the way they've printed my
address won't be Of the slightest bene-
Ut to me, -
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

One Of the p~eculiarities Of the ora
torical temperament Is that It Is sub
jeet to what bur grandmsthers called
"vapors," or depression Of spirit. In
such a mood a mOlehill seems a noun
tain, and a grasshopper is a burden.
Mental effort lie Impossible, and an en-
gagement to speak in public as repux.
nant as is the sound of the dinner-gong
to a seasick passenger. The only cure
for such an attack of spleen Is to get,
by hook or crook, the orator before the
audience, where the excitement will
put him mentally and physically on
his feet.
In 1859 Thomas COrwin, Ohlo's most
eloquent orator, had consented to de-
liver the Grafton at the celebration Of
the Fourth of July on the Tlppecanoe
backgrounds. The night before the
celebration, Corwin called his son-in-
law, Mr.. Sage, TO his room and told
him that he had been unable to sleep
and was much discouraged about his
address the next day. He had tried to
think over his speech, but his memory
had failed him, and he was afraid he
would make a failure. His ~son-in-llw
advised him to dismiss the speech
from his mind and go to sleep.
The next morning Mr.. Corwin felt so
indisposed that he announced his ina.
bility to speak. The marshal Of the
day finally persuaded him to ride out
to the grounds and take a seat Oh the
platform, whence he might explain to
the people why he was unable to de
liver the grafton, and thus lessen their
disappointment.
AT the proper time, Mr.. Corwin rose
to make his apology; but as he looked
over the audience of forty thousand
people. that "sea of upturned faces"
stirred both body and brain. He made
a few commonplace remarks, and then
struck upon the first sentence OF the
manuscript he had prepared,
1T is all right, he will speak" whis-
pered Mr. Sage to the president of the
day.
1t was all right; the orator went on
and spoke for two hours. The manu-
script he had prepared was the intro
duetion of the speech-a page and Il
half of loyal csp-which Mr.. Sage had
read the day before, The audience
made the sick man well, and an orator
again.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25
rho BOr.s,hos supsrs,ttlon,

The custom Of mailing q horseshoe
over the door of a house or Other
building as a protection against evil
spirits, and as an assurance of good
luck, is widely spread over England
and the United States. 1t also flour.
lshes among the Teutonic and Scan.
dinayian races, and has been recoa,
nized as far East as Hindoostan
The horseshoe unites within itself
three lucky elemenBs-it Is crescent
shaped, 1t has been Tor is to be) In
contact with a horse, and is made Of
iron. Popular superstition has for
ages endowed iron with protecting
powers. The Romans are known 10
have driven nails into doors and the
walls OF their houses as an antidote
or as a prevention of the plague.
The Arab whe is overtaken by a
simeon in the desert seeks to proriti-
ate the Jlnn by shriekinR ssIren /
Eenl" Since time out Of memory,
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

A lady boarded a street car the
pther evening with a pet doc which
was slightly overg own. his paws
we're covered with mud and he seemed
to be on springs.
Madam" said the conductor, "you
will have to leave that dog on the
platforms; 1t is against the rules oil
the company to allow dogs in the
cars"
~ don't care If 1t is. He shall not
ride on the platform. He is not feel.
ing just right this evening, and II
would be inhuman to put him cut IN
the cold" returned the lady.
"a number Of gentlemen are out
there"
..Gentlemenl Why, 1 smelled
whisky and tobacco smoke when l
passed them. You don't suppose
would put my Fido on a level with
them, do your"
"If the deg stays in here ! will
suffer-"
"You need have no fears on that
score. If E1do does anything wrong
you may hold me responsible for it..
The conductor here started TO col
iect his fares. and Fido at the same
time concluded to give and exhibition
Of his friskiness. The first thing he
did was to jump upon the lap OF an
elderly lady who a new black
silk dress.
"Get awayl get away you brute
she exclaimed, as the dog began to
poke his nose into her face.
'Come, Fido, don't disturb the
lady" said his mistress, and the dog
jumped down and came back to her.
But he apparently liked new black
silk, for a moment later he was again
up in the lap of its wearer. She
pushed him to the floor, and glancing
down saw a dozen marks upon the
front breadth of the dress LETT by the
dogs paws. Indignantly she arose,
gave Fido her seat, and called the at
tention of his mistress to the fact that
her dress was ruined,
well, collect your damage from
the company" was the tantalizing
reply.
The matter was laid before the Of
tlcers of the company, and they. with
out hesitation, assumed responsibility
for the damage done.-Boston Herald.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

To prepare salted almonds for the
liable blanch them by throwing boil
Ing water over them, and then, after
they have stood two minutes, putting
Them in cold water and rubbing the
brown skin of with the hand or a
rough little cloth. When the al
monds are all blanched and dried with
4 cloth, measure them. Sprinkle a
la blespoonful Of olive oil over every
rupful of nuts. Let them stand two
hours. Sprinkle a tablespoonful Of
salt over each cupful, mixing 1t
thoroughly with spoon. Spread them
out on a tin biscuit pan and place
Ia a quick oven, where they. will turn
a delicate brown and become tender
In ten or fifteen minutes. They
should remain on the table from the
beginning Of the meal till the end.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

A New Orleans man who Is a fond
papa was telling his friends yesterday
of the hard time he had trying to teach
his youngster to say mississippi" The
word seemed more than the little one
could master. Finally the father hit
upon the plan of teaching the child the
word by s~yllables.
Now. say after me-" he said to the
boy, "Missis."
"aIissis," said the infant phenomenon.
"Sippi."
"Sippi," echoed the boy.
Now say the whole thing" com.
manded the father.
"Missis," began the child, and then
he thought a while. Papa" said he,
what did you say the lady's name
was?'-New Orleans Times Democrat.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Among a series of Thrilling Mo
ments," published by the Outlook, is
the story of n marrow chance in the
Irish Channel, at 10 o'clock of a very
foggy night. The whistle Of the Hoop
er, a freight and cattle ship, was blow
ing every ten seconds, when suddenly
away off to starboard came IL thin,
squeaky whistle in return. Then it
sounded again, and this time 1t was
louder.
The captain sprang to the engine
telegraph. and in a moment the
thud of the engine ceased. Every
sailor on board stood still. So did the
oxen and sheep. So did everything;
and we blew again. We went on
sounding, whlstling, listening, giving
opinions.
Fifty seconds had passed, and we
we're about to blow off for the four
thGusandth time, when away of,
abreast on the port side, came another
high squeak. The time, the direc-
ton, the kind of whistle were noted,
and we kept on.
A minute passed, and we whistled.
Another, and we blew again. A third,
and then-but at the fourth a loud,
long blast blew off abreast of us, so
near that it seemed as IL we must see
something. A moment later, high
above us, appeared three ghostly
masts, nearly i'll a line.
Captain Murrell sprang to the tele-
n,..I and nln1nGt incforfIiu anI11l
feel a culver run through the ship,
telling that the engines were being re-
versed at full speed.
Half a dozen sharp commands were
given, calling all hands except the
watch to clear away the boats. Then
1 long hall doomed up out of the fog.
She'll strike US right amidships,"
said Mr.. Costello, the mate, close ut
my ear
Port your helmp' the captain cried
out to her. You 60 full speed ahead.
We're full speed astern."
Not a sound In reply.
Ne, she'll catch up right abaft the
cathead," whispered Mr.. Costello.
| grnsped the rail of the bridge with
both hands, from an inane idea that
the shock might throw me down. Then
| distinctly remember laughing. l did
not think at all. simply gurgled. and
watched her crawl upon US.
We'll catch her on the starboard
bow" murmured Mr.. Costello, as the
long craft pulled across our bows. mo,
tight amidships. God help herr
"Alrs clear by iv-v-ve feet" came
a voice out of the fog from forward.
The chief officer turned to the cap
tain, who vas wiping his forehead.
"A close shave, sir"
1T was the mercy of God, Costello"
said the captain.
Instantly the crews of both vessels
began to shrek curses at each other,
and I turned, at the sound, TO see the
captains wife on her knees on the
bridge In the fog and rain, with her
hands stretched high above her head,
while the quartermaster, who had
turned away from his wheel. stood fac
ing her with his head bare.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Probably the only epic in em6rold,
cry the world contains is treasured
in the Hotel de Vile of BayeGx,
France. Miss Strickland says Of TINS
piece of work: ut is beyond all COM
petition the most wonderful achieve
ment in the gentle craft OF needle
work that was ever executed by fair
and royal hands" 1t was done oy
Matilda of Flanders, wife OF william
the Conqueror, and the ladies OF her
court. 1t is a coarse linen cloth, zl4
feet long and 20 inches wide, on
which is worked in wollen thread OF
various colors a representation oil the
Invasion and conQuests of England
by the Normans. 1t contains the
figures Of about e25 men, 200 horses,
IS dogs, 40 ships and boats, besides a
quantity Of quadrupeds, BIRDS trses'
houses, castles, and churches, all eI-
ecuted in the proper colors, Win
names and inscriptions over them 10
elucidate the story, 1t is a VaiuaOle
historic document, as it gives a cor
rect and minute portraiture o 1 tne
Norman costumes and their manner
and casfeQA
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25
EUGENE FIELDS HOME.

His Many Queer Clocks and His
Library of Rare Books.
One should not always Judge a maj
by his house. but in the case of Eugene
Field 1t seemed as II his house were q
part Of him. 1t Ia an old-fashioned two
story farmhouse with a wide porch, to
which has been added a large circular
wing with an outside chimney such as
the southerners love. As you enter the
hall, you notice an deliberately orna.
mented old English tall clock Of the
kind usually known In this country az
"Grandfather's Clock" 1t Is n of
three such clocks In the house; a second
stands on a stairlanding, after the man
ner Of Longfellow's 'Old Clock on the
STAIR" and a third was in Eugend
Fields sleeping-room. The last n has
a gong In It like a country dinner-bell,!
and clangs the hour with a loud metallic
ring.
In the same room he had a freak
clock made entirely of wood, that ticks
like a hammer striking hard wood In
the library there is a quaint little one
made with a see-saw-a wee boy and
girl sitting upon a log to regulate tina
pendulum. This Is q very well behaved
little piece Of mechanism, as 1t makes
no noise and is really pretty. Contrast
ed with II, standing near Fields writing
table. is a plain New England kitchen
clock such as our grandmothers used
In their light, airy kitchens. 1t Is a me-
dium-sized affair of mahogany with a
glass door, On the lower half Of which
are painted impossible red roses and
forgst-me-nots. 1t is a good old domes-
tic clock, and went on faithfully ticking
away when the others we're cranky and
would not keep the time regularly.
As you enter the house, the library 10
IN the left hand. All around the walls
Of the room are bookcases. Suppose we
look at the case beyond the window,
which might be called the Fairy Cor
ner. Here are gathered books of fairy
lore from ali parts of the world. for
there was hardly an old bookstore in
London, Paris or Berlin which Mr.. Field
did not know well. In this wonderful
fairy corner are CosSAck fairy tales,
Eastern fairy tales. legends of the
French provinces, legends Of Ireland,
Norway, Germany, Spain, New I'm
gland, and all the modern English fairy
storiss.-St Nicholas.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Some Of the revelations of the cen.
sus will startle a good many people,
For instance there are now more than
half a million almond trees actually
bearing in the United States; there
are hundreds of thousands of bearing
cocoanut trees; there are more than a
quarter OF u million olive trees; pro-
ldcing fruit equal to the best Medi-
terranean varieties, There are
more than half a million bearing ba-
mana plants, 200, 900 bearing lemon
trees, 4, 900, 900 orange trees, and 3D.
900, 900 pine-apples. And the value
Of tropical and semi-tropical fruits
grown under the American flag is
nearly $50. 900, Q0O.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25
WILL 1llg RosIN SING THsas ,


Will the robin sing in that land,
That land 70 fair and so far,
THAT les as our souls fondiy dream,
In the depths Of the 9t!erTaost start
WIN the violet bid an in that land.
And the mosses 10 sin end 80 shy,
AL the dear comufonjpiS IN ths, ,~elore
In the dim, distant dc Songs ANN
VIII the chiidS nd IN
All the sweet,
And shall we rejoice aud be 80 3,
In their music and frolicsome mirtn ) !
Obi will there be friends in that land,
Friends who love and rejoice in our love.
VIII they look, will they speak, will they
smile,
Like our own mid the strangeness
above7
Obi shnll we have homes In that land
To return to where'er we may roamf
Oh! the heart would be lonely and sad
Fen In heaven il we had not a home.
] love not the new and the strange,
But q friend and the clasp of his hand,
Oh! would that my spirit could knew
That the robin will sing in that land.
eWoman's Magazine.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

SSSA
man is aimed at Christ.
On a field of battle, the dead mep are
not the ones shot at.
The tongue is a good indicator of the
amount Of grace In the heart.
A thirst a be started by a tea
spoon that barrels cannot quench.
Isn't 1t singular that the man who
Is stingy never seems to know it?
The devil has no powder to waste on
people who are neither cold nor hot.
How can the man who Is not against
the saloon be Il true friend Of Christ?
The devil will not leave the man
who never says no with all his hea I.
Some of the devils best work is done
by people who claim to love the Lord.
The devil has no reason to be aslam
ed of the man who Is mean to his wife.
The Lord is not able to do what he
would for the man who puts his trust
in sold.
lfyou know that you hate your neigh
OpAt Nto hhoNS lhht yOu L In v
heaven.
There is no spiritual power in the
church where nobody is rejoicing in
tue Lord.
No human guide can keep II from
being afraid In the valley Of the shad-
ow Of death.
Prove that there is no hell, and wbis-
ky inen will be about the first to throw
up their hats
We shall not find 1t hard to pray
when we know that we are honestly
trying to do Gods will.
There is as much Joy in heaven over
the conversion Of a sinner In the
church as there Ia over one in the
sldms.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

A new system of wood paving that
Is now being tried in Paris makes use
Of pieces OF oak about four inches
long, spit up similarly to ordinary
kindling-wood. The sticks are laid
loosely on end in fine sand on a bed
Of gravel from four to four and one
half inches thick. A layer of fine
sand is spread over them, and they
are alternately watered and heaten
several times. In about forty-cight
hours the water has completely pene-
trated the wood, causing it to swell
into "A compact mass, which is capa-
BILE of supporting the heaviest traffic
according to reports.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

An old lady who had lost nearly ali
sense Of hearing, and was also blind,
once said to me: Il wish you would
write and tell people how to talk to
the deal. for j can always hear you"
IL il easy enough TO speak slowly ar
ticulate distinctly and in a line with
the defective car, but not too nca it
II seems 70 ue a general idea, lut it
is a mistaken one, that the louder the
more easily it is heard by the deaf.
Slow, distinct articulation is Of far
more Importance. If these simple,
natural facts were more & neral'y
borne in mind, il would do much To
alleviate the trials Of the deaf Tie
'hautauqudn.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Eminent Speciallst-Yes, madam,
your husband is suffering from tempo
rary alteration, due to overwork.
Wife-Yes, he insists that he is a mill,
ionaire.
Eminent specialist-And wants tc
pay me 500 for my advice. Wen have
to humor him, you know,-Standard.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

The pleasant effect and perfect safety with
which ladies may use Syrup OF Figs, under all
conditions, makes it their ~ftyorlte remedy.
To get the true and genuine article, look for
the name of the California Fig syrup Com
pany, printed near the bottom of the package
For sale 10y all responsible druggists.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

is treated in sacred confidence, unless
publication is requested by the writer.
She says to Mrs. Pinkham ~
wish you would publish the circum-
stances of my case, in order hat other
women may be benefited by my expe-
rience.
II doctored nearly all the time for
two years. ! spent several hundred
dollars without receiving much benefit.
Last June wrote to you and described
all my aches and pains. Such a long
list as there was: headache, back
ache, bearing-down pains, terrible
soreness, constipation, dizziness, feel
ing of extreme lassitude, irregularity
and nausea but you answered my
letter and told me just what to do. l
followed your advice.
After taking eight bottles of the
Vegetable Compound and three bot
ties of Blood Purifier, l am glad to
write you that | have not enjoyed such
good health for years, and l am able
to do ali my own work. | can surely
sound the praises of Lydia L. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, and a
number of my friends are taking it
upon my recommendation" -MEs. w,
l.. ELLIOTT. Liscomb, Iowa.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

by local applications, as they cannot reach the
diseased portion OF the ear. There is only one
way to cure deafness, and that is by e~onstltu'
tional remedies. Deafness is caused by an m
famed condition OF this mucous lining OF ths
Eustachian Tube. When this tube gets lr'
famed you have a rumbling sound or inper,
feet hearing, and when II is entirely closed
Deafness Is the result, and unless the inhAm'
nation can be taken out and this tube re-
destroyed forever. Nine cases out Of ten are
caused by catarrh, which is nothing but an In
hamed condition Of the mucous surfaces,
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case Of Deafness (caused by catarrh) that can
not be cured by HALLS Catarrh Cure Send FOR
circulars, free.
F. J. CHEsEY & Co., Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, 15c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Or. Agnew's Cure for the iIeart gives perfec.
! slief in all cases Of Organic or Sympathetic
Heart Disease in 80 minutes, and speedily eff
let's II cure. 1t is a peerless remedy Tor Pat
p~itation. Shortncss OF Breath, Smotllerins
a D'seHs Il Heart. One dose convinces, II
POUR druggist hasn't 1t in stock, ask him 10
1rocure 1t fov xou. 1t will save your LIFE
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

the Scandinavians have sought to
exercise the river spirit, Nickar, by
sticking an open knife in the bottom
of the boat, or driving a nail in the
mast or oar. In the mythology of
England the horseshoe has always
been considered a duck bringer."
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

A purity of four, under the direction
of Mr.. 7. A. Mubley, will start from
Lscomb, Alberta, to explore northern
Canada from Edmonton to the
Arctic Sea. The trip is to occupy two
veurs.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

A chair of ichthyology has recently
been established at Munich, in connec.
ton with the Tierarztllche Hochschule
of hal Ilace. This seems to be the
first professorship of the kind ever
established.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

A despatch from Lowell Observatory,
Flagstaff, Arizona, announces that the
polar snow of Mars has been observed
in latitude rs, longitude SO, about two
degrees in diameter.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25
RAM's Hcmn ULAsTa
warafnx NOees Calling the Wicked tn
Repentance

r II ne
looks back
The man who
loves sin, hates
the truth.
A bad example
IA rs deadly ~
the plague.
TIE man WHO
makes 10 mis-
takes, makes no
progress.
r very stone
thro wn at q -oOd
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Mr.. Collarbutton (reading from an
engineering journal)-Some of the
biggest dams in the world are in Cali
fornia.
Mrs. G. (meekly)-rve heard some
gerry large mes around here, Hiram
Detroit Free Press.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

Thirty years ago. there were only
Two dozen explosive compounds known
to chemists; now there are over a
thousand.
The Penn's Grove record., 1896-09-25

The tidal waves that wrought such
d siruction in Japan are said to have
tr veled at the rate of 500 miles an
hGur.