The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1896-03-08
St. Louis Republic.

IN the membership OF the I'm bfo"'ei
Club Philosopher Gafrney is an oracle
Ever since he went to school he has been
| recognized as a young man who could be
as good as any OF them II he would only
overcome his aversion TO work But this
aversion weighs on him like a-wagon load
OF lead The only work he VIII do is that
| on his friends which Will gain him adj
mission TO a theater. for he is a fervid
worshiper at the shrine OF Thcspis.
when Gaffney comes back from.
| show" is the common remark In tho Tin
GROWER Club. "he kin spiel dun hull
| ting"
| Gafrney sat in the front row in the gal
lery at the olympic Thursday night and
saw Clara Morris in Camille" lie saw
| 1t from start to finish. and all through
there was an expression on his face that
betokened agony OF the mind He looked
| like a man under sentence of death. When
the curtain went down he went out 10 the
| headquarters OF tho club and told about 1t.
! 1T was n sad afair." he began; "saddest
| scnts Mulvaney got run over duh small
| OF duh back be II Cass avenya car. nor,
! may never swalley me beer eff cuddnt
| got more enjoyment settn' four hours
| on lumber pile au' trowin' rocks In dun
river. | amt no saint, but It was too tough
| fur me. II me sister was derc I'D a tfun
| her out a winder.
| Dis Cancel is French slob about duh
size of Captain, Joyce. She's got bad
cold in duh head an chill ON duh lungs.
| In dis town she'd be run IN ON suspicion
| of murder If she lived oil Chestnut street.
| But in Paris, where she lives. she runs
swell joint wit a lot of souhrettes In II,
| an duh guys on duh town dat drops in 10
| crack few bots comes in swalley-tail
coats am trows gold at her. / wouldn't
| trow a out curve at her wit Il empty box
| of cigarettes mesclf
dis play is In four spasns an hem
orridge. De hemorr'dge Is duh best part
show. An troo IL dis Cancel she sniffles
| an snuffles an blows her bugle an
coughs like a strange dog IN gas house.
| She is duh sorrowfulest dame | ever see
whit a house Of her own an more lovers
| dan II street car could carry. But she
sloughs EN- all fur a guy dey calls An
man. She amt natcher whit him ut all.
Std % BLOWN him fer all his coin an
den givin' him duh congeaied foot, Ike
dey all does she falls IN love whit him an
goes back agin. Glttn' UP early in duh
mornin' don agree whit 'er
| Duh first spasn opens in duh parlor or
duh Joint dis Cancel pays rent fur Deys
some Nwells dere an doy all got on derc
| parlor clothes. Dey5 some guys dere. too
| an Il count what's pushed in on Cancel
| an is a producer to make dun count or
MoEtey Cristo feel Ike bankrupted pop
| corn peddler.
calls Madam Prudong She's ole sketch
an | never could ease out whore she had Il
license to sit in duh game She had on a
Say she says TO Cancel. 'dey's a guy
here wants to see you.
| "'Who e ls?'' says Cancel
| "'Ah Mong.' says prudong. n young
| geezer what's been In love Wit You fur
| two years
"'Tcll i'm I'm busy says she Don't
you see dat me an me fren's is goin' TO
feed our faces? Tel I'm to come aroun'
DIV % OFF an d.
derty.'
"Of course dey all laughs at duh lard,
lady's Joke. but dis Prudong Is duh real
t'ing. an she tells Cancel on duh quiet
dat dis An Mong Is duh gayzoo what sent
her bokays when she was sick Cancel
says he kin come in, an he comes Dey,'s
a knock down all arun, dey's table
brought In. an den dey sets down TO feed.
It's n regular feed fur duh, place.
| after duh feed all of dem leaves duh
room 'cept Cancel an All Mons. lie tells
| 'er he loves cr, an She gives him dun doad
face. Dey spiel long time an he eoes or
comes IN wit DER jays an Cancel has
NJ. Somebody gives her n bollny over dan
| footlites an she cones out front OF anh
| curtain an skips across duh stage Ike n
| derrick.
"Duh second spasm Is supposed TO be in
| April n mont after duh first. It's duh
| same ole Joint an Cancel is still dere, but
she's hollcrin' because times is bad an
duh cooper on duh beat Is raisin dun unit
| on his BIT All Mong steers hisself In an
| comes back at 'er whit lis love story she
gives him some good advice. She tells MIN
70 home to his mamma, because uis me
amt what it's cracked up TO be. lie wants
| TO marry cr. an she gives him dun iaugn.
Den she coughs an sniffies an grnnts.
She tells HIM she's been pinched many
time an had her name IN duh papers bil
he says he don't care If she rid In blue
patrol wagon whit red horses down dnn
hoy Boloney six times week tur Elk
| Years he wants Ter TO live whit I'm any
how Den she has a bad spell of coughlh
like n Kid whit duh Group. She says she
amt got long to live. but he oyerl0oKs ~
het an forglts to toll 'er she don't look
duh part At duh finish. after she coughs
severity-tree times. blows her bngle nine
ty-six times an has two or tree more
symptoms dat you see in medicine adFer-
lisemen,s she falls in his arms. he braces
higseif saves hisself from goin' four points
down 10y diggin' his toes In dun moor an
duh curtain gQas down whit I'm n-sWea'ih
like a draymun in a Jam.
'Spasm number tree showed Cancel In
duh nice little cottldge. when she az,
All Mong is kccpln' housc. All Cancel y
money if run out She is npgcrin' on sell
! in her furniicher when in comes An
Mougs papa an calls her all dllh names
. he can tink OF In polite way. She makes
duh rcglar play says she's lady If she
has been misfortunate. He nnks her 10
give An MonE duh shake fur duh sake OF
IS shootin duh chutes sonts he's been
Twin wit Cancel. II nearly freaks her
heart an everything else TO do H. but she
says she VIII an duh ole man sneaks.
Den she writes All Mong a letter, tellin'
him she's goin' back to duh coun, be-
cause duh Count has dough, an after
| about ten minutes OF coughn', an snlffiln
g and hlowin' her bugie she ducks. An
Mong flags Ter as she's goln' out. but she
says she's goln' 10 take exercise sprint
In duh garden, AN he lets 'er 30. She
don't come back but sends dun letter.
He reads II an duh ole man comes In list
: in time 10 hear An Mong say his heart is
broke.
Dey're back Mt duh ole Joint agin wen
duh fourt' spasm In due Duh Count is
dere, lookln sore, an All Mong IS deere,
too. lie is playin' cards an losln' his
pants. Finally he gifts calm Cancel
: names an duh Count puts his face IN.
Dey gifts gamblin' an All Mong wins
t all duh Counts dough Den everybody
; goes out 70 eat an All Mong an Cancel
> | has anudder session. Cancel coughs an
snuffles an blows her bugle an An Mong
he pumps aropn like man OATS been
stabbed In duh back. He wants Cancel
Ito 20 back whit i'm again, hut she won't
Finally. she makes a play TO cit rid OF
i'm by sayin' she loves duh Count Den,
| VILE she coughs an sniffles an blows
her bugie All Mong bowls like a sideshow