The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1896-08-16

fur a preacher 10 ride de wheel. Bruddess
Henderson wasn't heah dat eavenin'' "a"
he now demands do right to submit sar-
tin statistics which he has gathered up"
THE SAID STATISTICS
The secretary then read the statistics
as follows:
Grey. John Coontree. Of Kentucky. was
a pillar Of the Church and had saved ten
thousand souls: after four lessons on the
bike ne jabbed hog with a pitchfork.
kicked a mule over a fence. and pounded
his wife almost TO death with bed STAT
Now I'm iail and hollering for gore.
"Rcv. Chillblain Green, OF Virginia took
two lessons on the bike at cdmp-meet-
ing and then turned 20 and tore down
seven tents aud punched the heads or
six other preachers. Taken TO JAIL but
50 was the general opinion that he was
possessed by Satan.
Grey. Chuckalong Jones, or ONO, VINO
was known for eighteen years as the
volcano Fxhorter' and his voice when
singing or praying could be heard three
miles against the wind. took spin on
bike down long hill. and after ne came
10 he set fire 20 n church and went INTO
the business Of selling root beer.
"Rev. Grocntree Wharton. Of Indiana,
was 60 good that he wouldn't eat straw
berries on Sunday. and stopped MS CLOCK
az sunrise SO as to give 81 resi- on iue
Iard's Day a stranger left a bike WIN
him for three DAYS and satan lnpeNe9
him IA ride II. ia now I'm JAIL charged
With seven different crimes, and IT he
escapes hanging, will be a maniac all hi
life." ,o.e,.s
.protbor henderson I'm arising 10 defend
his statistics. stated that they were oni&
sample cases. cullcd at random from num-
dreds which could be found IN the dali%
papers How on earth tho clup couiu
have debated this question ana overlooh-
"a these statistics was more than he
lid account for. Here was a matter
concerning the very foundations or mo-
ralltv and society. and yet the club had
naseed IL over as If 1t was OF no more
account than voting the sum OF fifteen
cents TO buy a rabbits foot
Tie had understood that certain mem
hers onposod the use Of the bike by
preachers on the ground that 1t detract-
"a from the dignity Of the cloth and low
cred their standard. while others had Wig
orouslv denied that such was the case
He had come TO the meeting loaueu WIN
a big gun for bar and a small gun Ior
wood chuck. lie would now IRE OF his
small gun. ..- Ell
.orhe Rev. Caesar 1Iigginbouom or l-
urois after FIVE lessons on the bike. went
Ground pinching the sisters ears and pat
lind them on the back, and one OF them
,,nt his eve out with the ferrule or a
blue cotton umbrella.
"The Rev. Moses Skupanong' or New
Jersey. took two lessons on the PIKE ana
eloncd with his own wife. thinking she
,-ss Tho hired girl. When he discover
"a fine fraud he broke her jaw and was
sent TO jail for thirty days..--.,-o.,ro
WERE NOT THESE ENoO"ii
r,rotber. Henderson said he could 80
OH with these statistics uhlii n'blI .'-t. =
into daylight: but were not these enoub H.
MA tho club want anything iuFiher 10
e.ttefv Tho most capriciOus member thal
a. bod taken a wrongful position ana
la NOT oct out Of il too soonf lie was
,,.,iio,, TO see preachers swing the cluD'
nut up the bells jump the bar or ilue
bnclinc mule. and he didn't know ina,
,.,,o,,id do any harm for preachers 70 pN
on the gloves and scrap niue Du' @9
Tor riding "a bike-nlt! 49,, ono
Professor Hindfoot, who hau Deen V''o
OF tho preachers champions az 'io 80. 80,
,,,.stin, now asked that the question
might DO decided in che NEGATIVE ne
US even then giving a preacher lessons
I'm the art and the idea that the man
MIGHT suddenly hop OF the saddie anu
tIrk "A dog or throw stones at church
almost paralyzcd him. 49,.
Several others spoke 10 the same ehe0''
and the question being put TO No'e ~
was unanimously resolved mat no mem
her of the cloth should tackle the piNe
mill II had been asccrtained what was
wrong uvth it.-New York Herald.
ANSWERS.
s L. G.-You are wrong. tuncrdl
nrocessions composed exclusively OF DIX
ist, have not been Witnessed as yet, but
six months more viii bring en-.
A. H.-According 90 the measure you
send YOUR wife has legs nine feet long,
and Won had better coax her not 10 learn
g. ride AT all. Sho'd show off 10 better
advantage sitting on high fence.
ETuEL.-The only known remedy Tor
the bicycle face" Is 90 soak II In kero-
scne every night before going TO bed, ana
then holding your mouth puckered up
during the day. IL VIII sometimes TAKE
"a month. The bicycle face" comes from
"a combination OF sentiments-fear. ankle
". exultation, remorse. In most cases
there IS also something wrong with the
saddle.
NERVE.-No. II does not require any
particular nerve 10 ride a bicycle espe-
clally 81 you arc a female. Just get on
and let 'er sklt. and II trees. street cars.
moving vans. Ice wagons. pedestrians or
other whcelists don't get out OF the way
they must look out for consequences.
MISUNDERSTANDING your brothers hat
off his head jumping bitches and turning
handsprings in the back yard have a
tendency 10 make you a good rider, and
YOUR mother does wrong 10 threaten 10
WALTON YOU with a barrel hoop. TT
climbing telegraph poles, kicking stray
dors. and standing on your head on the
rarlor noor.-New York Herald
A WHEELER.