The morning times., 1896-04-05
A Little Theatricalism, in Which Red
Fire, TOmtOmS, Stage Thunder,
and Paper Snow Give Way
to Sober Sense and
Pungent Comment.

n. Crapaud- What kind OF pie is ft7
Envoy-With The perIni, sion oftbe archon
or the feast j Will remove the cover.
see II is sugar pie; set in a frame OF
sugar cane leaves. The Inscription 10:
ITO the nation to which l belong Th@
republic goes with me-"
Britannia-Hand me the dish
Humberto-Pass ne the silver platter
LeopoId-It's mine.
NiIliam-NOt all of il.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS the Holy Alliance.
We like pie ourselves.
JozcPn-I clam 1t in right OF my niece.
NJ. Crapaud w 10 lost il in the shuttle
Go slow, ice.
Oscar-The slower the better, Johnnie;
what's the matter with dividing it2
Cousin Jonathan-Remember, friends,
that america Gidn't get feather when the
sick mans bird was carved.
COiumbia-And don't forget tbatthe only
right European nations have IN America
Is q lease at will to the residences of con-
suls and ambassadors.
Humberto-Cardmbd, This is not gues-
ton for International settlement. Was
not Christopher Columbus OF GenOa in Italy
the man who found ths country from which
the pie has proceeded. MethiBks,- this
Is not case Where the PIE should be placed
in an International grdB-bdg.
Joscph-Certes, your majesty. Columbus
was born in ItaIy. but who was it who took
him out OF the Central Union Mission 0f
Madrid when his monkey died md the organ
was sold for a song ut auction? Hast
never heard Of Isabella, the daisy Queen Of
Spain, or Marie DresSIer? HastnevyT heard
that Isabella Was our relative. and that she
hocked the royal eaFbObs 10 rig out the
Santa Maria. the Pinta md the Nina? Hast
never seen tie Identical CaTdvels at the
Chicago Iaif? HaPsbdrs and HeiigolaBd,
but thou makest-a-me mad No Isabella,
10 pawn ticket, Lo ships.
HuTnUerJo-NO Genoa, NO Columbus, no
Cuba.
BrItannia-Peace. .prating pOtentate. Have
We never heard or henry IL, or England?
Did not Christopher Columbus, the Beggar
from Italy Via spain, reaCn our CourI IN
dIre distress and did not the great Tudor
tell him that II Guba was where II was he
would find it? And did noj Henry VII
send 10 the Archbishop or Canterbury Tor the
necessary blessing on the discovery OF
America and Cuba, which cOuidn possibly
be any where eIse than where they We're
at The time? And did not Christopher
Columbus raigntw3y 90 back 10 Isabella
ami she Ieil Oh HeT knt Is anu tOIu Column
bus he could have ntr whole navy iT he'd
build it and he did. Andh took with him
tine Blessing OF the Archbishop OF Can.er-
bury and three vessels o and scnsesaIIOrs and q
spy -giass, and he found the isiand OF 6uan-
audnl eXaCJiy where IA had been since the
time OF Alfred The Great, another of our
sOveFeignS. And then ne set sail tor Cuba
from Guanahani, but on the thirlISth CAY
out he found that the blessing OF the arch
bishop had been lett on Cat Island and he
Immediately returned anu recovered it
from the sa vaf lie then proceeded and
as predicted, ne discovered our island OK
| Cuba. Gentlemen, that is our Blue Book
| On CuiJa.''
Coiuinoia-"Our Island of Cuba Is go0ds'
ok tffH
| Mile Crapaud-l suppose the syuoglsm
| oug ut to run IN the English case, - No Henry
| VII, no blessing, no edVDOoS, no SHIPS, NO
Brltannia-Our sister is emlnently cor
CGIumbia-As a comedienuefn a sea piece
| NJ. Crapaud-YOur mdIcsteS- confess
| that nOhc or my ancestors did anything
| worth mentioning in helping Columbus TO
1 find CuDa, although II was quite an easy
| matter under the circumstances, taking the
| Archbishop of Canterbury into the account
/ | merely wish to submit that II l am nos
| in the division l must Insist on getting
| back the State of louisiana. / suppose l6
| Will be adnlJted that Napoleon bad no
| earthly right to sell what belonged TO the
4 monarchy.
| able, provided France suSLdinS our right TO
| this disputed pie.
| nary, hand ME that dish.
\ Envoy surrender 1t to YOU III trust
/ Joseph-By the bones OF all the Haps-
| burgS, thiS will not do. HumbertO, put Gp
/ that StilletO. IuI ON to you see wheEo
| John Bull stands with his arm around Brt-
/ tannia.
| draw the magic circle Of
| Humherto-'S Sdeath, Hav, YOU! MAKES
| a iunge at Joseph and sticks the stiileto 10
his n4dleSty'S soup. All rise IT confusion.
| Britannia GtrinaIne. ana Nile. CrapaUd
| bcCOme enga Ced IN h5ir-pullng match.
| Germaine swipes Britannia across the I3ce
| with an American sausage Mile CFa-
| paud dashes pint OF Milwaukee, beer In the
| face of Gernlalne ana hiSSe> between her
| teeth, "Sedapr' John Bllll, Crapaud, JO-
| seph, Alexander, HUnberto, and William
| are bunCheI untler the table In deadly COM
! bat Leopold and Oscar are sitting on
! the sofa counting up their share Of the in-
| IDENTITIES. c 'umbia stands by the door,
! with the yer pie dish poised on her
| take that pie down into the pantry and
| lets look into it." Both go cut left exlt.l
PART II.
| The party. Cousin Jonathan and Co
| hmbJl before an open pie dish on the
table. The band is still ElayinG " ankee
| Doodle" Columbia wipes the Cubdn sugar
off her finger. on her lips from left 70 right,
and vice versa several times.
| Cousin JOnathan-WhatS sort or stuff is ttl
Columbia-GOod stuff III Just keep it
tEnter servant1
| Cousin Jonathan-WeH. Ebony?
| Ebnny-BOss dem gemmen and ladies
am still a fightin'-
| Cousin JonathaE-Wen, we can't help
that We furnish the ring and the lights,
and as for the rest OF it, why
| C1innbia-It's none Of our business.
| Ebouy-Yes, ma am