davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Sure to Be Effective-"S Sometimes, said
the merchant, 81 feel like the poet who
wanted a lodge in some vast wilderness.
1 yearn for solitude and silence" well"
replied his friend, sympathetically, cit
an expensive taste to crafty. But you
might start in by taking your advertise
ment out of the papers. '-Washingto
Star.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

A MISUNDERSTANDING vos in piz-
ness dventy years undt he nefer had fire
undt he nefer busted, undt still he's got
lots of money!
Cohenstein-"He must hat some kind
of a monopoly. Puck.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28
she wanted Nothing But Fresh Paint

In spite of the business he had en-
gagged IN, the coner grocer was not de-
VOID OF sympathy for his fellow man.
The fact that he put down Y cents on the
pass book every time he sold six cents
worth OF young onions, was due to his
having been born a lightning calculator.
In the kindness OF his heart he sad to
his assistant:
Hiram, you'd better hang a sign out
in front OF the door where the painters
have been at work. Somebody Will come
along and rub against it, If you don't"
That's So" replied Hiram. I'VE want
to look out for that. Paint costs money
these hard times.
lie had hardly concluded his work of
lettering and hanging the placard when
the young woman who has not been mar
ried very long came around the corner.
She stopped to look at the notice.
rs there anything we can do for you
today?" asked the grocer.
She paid no. attention to him, but read
aloud IN a thoughtful way, Fresh Paint
Then she stepped up to it, and put
her forehnger into it, while the grocer
nearly Swoomed.
Excuse me. ma'am," he said, "but
that sign was put there to warn people
not to"
With look of superb dignity. she
said:
1T looks like very nice paint, Mr.
Scooper. Ii you are sure that it is per-
fectiy fresh as you represent, you may
send me d pint or so TO try. Detroit
Free Press.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Secretary Morton announces that
when he quits the cabinet he will retire
from politics. That is, he will continue
his occupation OF going to seed.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

A Thoughtful Creditor = Hobson-
wilkes, you remember that fifty I
loaned you two years ago Wilkes
You are not going to press a friend for
payment, are your" Hobson-"Certainly
not. Take your time. L only wish to
borrow it for a while" Harlem Life.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

It remains to be determined whether
the presidents trout fishing expedi-
tions will be fraught with as grave
consequences as his duck hunting trips
rrara
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

When a man reaches that stage of
prominence in politics. when he is
called uncle it is sure sign that he
has everybody's respect and nobody's
support.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

the bridge?'
Mamma-''Why do you want to go over
there, dear?"
Lucy-"Oh, 1 just want to gargle my
feet in the brook. Truth.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

GAS s rule says the Atchison
Globe, when a man talks well, he
talks too much" The rule is wrong,
for when a man talks too much he
doesn't talk well.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Salisbury is confronted with this sit
uetion: Arbitrate or resign. Which horn
of the dilemma will he take?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The gold reserve keeps dropping
little. But perhaps this is only a drop
in the bucket to what it will be-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

She Read the Advertisements
How would you define retail store?"
Pupil.-"A retail store is one in which
you can buy goods at less than whole
sale prices. PUCK.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The Salvation Army has either
patched up a peace or exhausted its
supply Of accusations and counteraccu-
sations.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The silence of Mckinley and his man
ayers gives rise TO the suspicion that
he is spending a great deal of time in
prayer.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Would Mckinley accept a nomina-
ton on a gold PLATFORM" asks an ex-
change. Yes, or on any other platform.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

To judge by the rush of Italians to
Americas shores. the colonization of
Abyssinia by Italy is not popular ma
tional aspiration.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

There has been a terrible cyclone in
Kansas. and still there have been no
reports of any bursted booms in that
state
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

1t is high time for Hon. Thomas B.
Reed to take his bumDtious Massachu-
by the ear and lead him to some leafy
and secuestered dell and do something
important to his head. Mr.. Barretts head
needs treatment. We are not prepossessed
in favor of any particular system. Mr.
Reed SO far as we are concerned, is free
to use the compress, the trepan, or the
siphon. But there is good deal of re-
duction and drainage that must be done
in this case, and the sooner and the
more effectually it is done the better for
the patient.-Washingto Post.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Pupil-"What qualities man to be
called Master OF the Fence?''
well, monsieur. ne may be very clever
wiz re foiis, or he may be what you call
a Mugwump. brooklyn Life.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

have toward gold or silver will be gov
erned by what he thinks are his presi-
dental chances. So with T. B. Reed and
several others who right be mentioned
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Browne-That's a good detective story,
isn't it?
Whyte-Well, it's interesting; but it ism t
true to life.
Browne-Why not?
Whyte-Well, for one thing, the detec-
tive finds the criminal.-Somerville Jour-
nal,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Mr.. Carlisle is in debt to the con-
science fund many millions because of
his figuring on SURPRISES.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28
HUMoR OF THE HOUR.

That Settled It.-Alberta-I see that
Miriam and MIR. Bertwhistle's engage
ment is off.
Alethea-Yes; he bought bicycle that
wasn't the same make as hers.-Puck.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Mr.. Cleveland pats Will Shakespeare
on the back. That isn't where he pats
John Bull.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The destruction of Cripple Creek by
fire hasn't crippled the town.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Bourgeois should rejoice that he no
longer has the cares of state resting
upon him.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The hot weather in New York is
scorching the scorchers.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

NJ. Bourgeois wrote prose when he
resigned.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

SILvER-GS
LEAD-Brokers', $500; exchange. ss.o5.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The rain Of yesterday was not the
reign of the goldbugs, thank heaven.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The Matabeles are not fighting under
a milk white flag.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

In politics good authority" is the
same thing as Dame Rumor in society.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Mr. Crusty-"What in the name of
Tophet is the margin of this paper all
scalloped and pnuctured and whirligigged
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28
SOME EDITORIAL COMMENTS.

Little Boy Blue. of Kansas, seems to
have got the impression that the sheep
are in the meadow and the cows are in
the corn-Detroit Tribune.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Whenever some of the Republicans of
the country find things getting a little
dull they liven up matters with a few
more of those assaults on Ambassador
Bayard.-Chicago Record.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

He who views the present political land
scape DER cannot express his conclusions
more gracefully than does Hon. Moses
Pindar Handy in his MARK Hanna Re
veille:''
Claim everything there is in sight,
From earliest morn to darkest night;
Claim north and south ana left and right
Catch all your fish before they bite
IT'S a way we have in Ohio"
one mark of genius is simplicity.-New
York Sun.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Mrs Crusty-"Isnt it lovely! That's
an exact imitation of the old lace on Miss
Goldbug's wedding ngerie!'-Cleveland
Plain Dealer
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

sell is that he is too young. But he is
nearing his fortieth year. He began pub
lie service when he was twenty-five, was
mayor of Cambridge at twenty-eight and
governor of Massachusetts at thirty
three, serving three terms. His preim-
mary education activity in politics and
experience in executive Office far surpass
the record of Grover Cleveland when he
was first elected president. Alexander
Hamilton was secretary of the treasury
at thirty-two, Pitt was prime minister
at twenty-four, Grant commanded all the
armies of the United States at forty-two.
New York World.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

Aside from the instructions given dele
gates, the drift for the past week has
been strongly McKinleyward 1t is more
than ever apparent that Reed viii not
have solid New England. Connecticut's
cant. There is ample confirmation of the
report that every New Jersey delegate
IS for Mckinley. Virginia's support of
the Ohio candidate was a surprise. Mary
Kinley and the opposition. Two LOUISE
ana delegates heretofore credited to
Reed have declared for Mckinley. Penn
sylvania stands as expected, for Quay
Chicago Times-Herald.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

The Philadelphia Ledger expresses
the opinion that if Senator Quay were
eliminated there is reason to believe
that a large portion of the Pennsyl-
vania delegation would support Major
Mckinley, while Speaker Reed would
not be without adherents. The Nc
Kinley boom throughout the country
derives its strength from the accident
of the Ohio mans connection with the
last Republican tariff act. But Quay
is not the kind of a man to voluntarily
withdraw or allow himself to be elm
mated from the presidential race, at
least until he has got out of his can
didacy all it is possible to get. And
what it is possible to get cannot be
determined until the convention meets
and the ground is gone over carefully.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

You will meet Business Men, Pr
and Politicians in this great store. So
for years-some have traded here not
bought their second pair. 1t is the sa
ways suited, then a regular customer.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

now on .he far more vital question of
tie currency. General H V. t3oynton
is one of the most intelligent and can
did observers of public sentiment
among the Washington correspondents.
Writing to the Cincinnati Commercial
Gazette, the leading Republican news
paper in McKinleys state. he reports
that there is a growing belief here.
which has already become a conviction
in many minds, that New England,
New York. and New Jersey cannot be
carried for the Republicans on the
Ohio money platform; while, on the
other hand, the silver leaders have
not been captured or even conciliated
by it,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

arrived and they were all grouped about
the curbstone, devouring the contents
of their pals Suppose all this war
talk ends in war said Riley, who's
O. YOU an me-" answered Dugan, scorn-
fully. did yez Suppose the United
States senate 'u'd do it?" 'Phwat 1
want t knows this" went on Riley,
thoughtfully; Suppose the walkin' die
gate turns oop when the foightins be-
ginnin' and orders US TO quit because
there's non-un:on min among the
throops-' But the one o'clock whistle
screamed at this juncture.-Puck.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

sock-Wonderful new invention, those
Puskin-New invention, quotha? Sir,
they are as old as the Bard of Avon.
Doth not Hamlet say to his queen mother:
1'Come, come and sit you down! You
shall not bulge
You go not till l set you up a glass
Where you may see the inmost part of
Town Topics.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28
TALES OF TIE DAY.
Fable OF the Fayyn.

A young fawn once said to its mother:
You are larger than dog, and swifter
and more used to running; why, then,
o mother, why are you always so nerv-
Gus when you hear the baying of the
hounds?" The mother smiled and re-
piled: 1.-The hounds do not disintegrate
any CONCEALED particle with me, my son,
but when l hear their mournful baying
am reminded that some poor chappy
boy following them cross country may be
set upon by an angry farmer and spanked
and distraught, for they seem so help
less clinging tightly to their horses name.
Moral-Wnat beautiful lies that deer
could tell if she were induced to write
for the agazines.-World.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

OFFICE. THE HERALD block. cor
ner We-j Temple and First South Streets
Salt Lake City.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

OCCASIONAL Men, Clergymen, Artisan
me men have bought their shoes her
quite so long-whiIe others have OIL
me old story, however, once fitted a
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1896-04-28

r. c. Chambers, President.
Heber ]. Grant, e-President-
Richard ". Young, Manager.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1896-07-23
FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE.

William Eustis Russell, ex-governor
of Massachusetts, died suddenly of
leart disease at a fishing camp Mt st.
Adelaide, Pabos, Quebec. Mr.. Russell
was 80 years of age and leaves a wife
and three children.
With Lieut.. Peary's arctic expedition
On board the steamer Hope sailed from
Sidney on her northern voyage of ex-
ploration.
At Elgin, in the Diabeker district of
Armenia, a massacre occurred In which
400 persons were killed by the Turks
and the village was pillaged.
Fire destroyed the Humber Bicycle
works at Coventry, England, the loss
being 100000.
At the age of 10 years Jules Guischard.
one of the associates of Ferdinand de
Lesseps In the Suez canal project, died
In Paris.
In the boundary dispute between Chill
and Argentine Queen Victoria has con-
sented 10 act as arbitrator.
The celebrated temperance worker.
Mrs. Letitia Youmans, died in Toronto,
orr.
During a fight at Niskar between
Mussulmans and Armenian Christians 60
of the former and $40 of the latter were
killed.
An order was issued by Maxine Co
mez, commander in chief of the Cuban
army, commanding the destruction by
dynamite of all Spanish troop trains.
Seventeen persons lost their lives and
% were severely injured in a railway ac-
cident near Amato, Jamaica.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1896-07-23
LIVED WITHOUT A BRAIN.
Human Paradox. Who Has Been n Myss
terry TO Physicians.

terry TO Physicians.
A Williamsport man has surprised
the scientists by living for years with.
out a brain, claims the Wilkesbarre
(P) Record. John Bly,. aged 90 years,
who died recently, had suffered for
long time with q tumor, which grew
into the very base of the brain, and oc-
casioned his death. The growth had
visible effect upon his brain. and the
case became curiosity TO the medical
profession. The tumor was imbedded
too deeply into the brain tissue 10 adj
init of an operation. IL was found that
the tunor was nearly as large as
billiard ball. It was SO located as II
demoralize the nerves of the sight CEN
ter, and as a consequence young BLY,
was blind for over three years.
II was developed at the autopsy that
the entire brain had been followed out
by the action of the tumor. The cavity
was at least five inches in length. and
was filled with pus. All that was left
of the brain was a thin shell. composed
of the tougher tissues, which were less
susceptible to the process of decay.
When an incision was made in the shell
the whole mass collapsed.
The circumstance which made the
case almost unprecedented in the an
nails of medical science was the man.
ner in which the patient retained his
nationality and faculties under the cir
cumstances. He had the senses OF
touch, taste, hearing and smell. had
very tolerable control of his locomotor
muscles, could talk. and, in fact, was
comparatively disconnected in no
other av than by the loss of vision.
His IGNITION OF memory was remark
able. He was able TO memorize poems
I'D to within two weeks of his death.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1896-07-23
The News Of the Week.
BY TELEGRAPH AND MAIL.
FROM WASHINGTON.

Exchanges at the leading clearing
houses in the United States during the
week ended on the 18th aggregated
1854, 742. 800. against s0s5,244,072 the
previous week. The decrease compared
with the corresponding week in 1895
is 10.
In the United States there were 2id
business failures in the seven days
ended on tine 18th. against 2IS the week
previous and 256 in the corresponding
period OF 1898.
The commissioner Of immigration
says that 343, POI immigrants arrived in
this country during the fiscal year end
ed June 30. against 25s.536 in is05.
Correspondence between Secretary
Olney and Lord Salisbury on the ques-
ton of international arbitration has
been made public and shows that while
considerable progress has been made
toward the desired end, and indicating
that a satisfactory conclusion will be
reached. yet no vital point has been
agreed upon.
In the United States the visible Fr'"-
ply of grain ON the 20th was: W 4,
46.743, 900 bushels; corn. s.666, 900 lush
els; oats, 7.IO7. 900 bushels. rye. 1885,
600 bushels; barley. 747. 900 bushels.
The circulation OF counterfeiton one and
five-dollar bills of the series of 1891 is
reported by the secret service division
of the .reasury department.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1896-07-23
SETTLING DOWN TO WORK.
Plans and Arrangements of Republicans
for the Campaign.


for the Campaign.
Chicago, Julys = lark Hanna, chair
man of the ref .blican rational commit
tee, arrived '.ere Monday, and lengthy
conference was held with the members
of the executive committee and promi-
nept republicans at the Auditorium
hotel. The conference lasted until
seven p. m.
In the matter of headquarters IL wa
decided to rent seven rooms on the sec
ond floor of the Auditorium building
fronting on Wabash avenue; three
rooms on the fifth floor for clerical pur-
pores; 1000 square feet OF space in the
basement for storage and one store on
the ground floor of the Wabash avenue
side.
AS a result OF conference of NJ. j
Bowling. secretary of the National
League of Republican Clubs. with the
committee it was decided tc absorb the
executive part of the league during the
campaign, so that hereafter Mr.. BOWL
ing and his associates will work under
the direction of Mr.. Heath aud as part
of the national committees machinery
Mr.. Bowling appeared to be well pleased
with the arrangement.
The committee had to deal with 3
more delicate matter when the original
Mckinley and campaign fund question
came up. Mr.. Hanna sent for Mr.. AL
lerton, the millionaire packer, and Ma.
tional Committeeman Jameson was
also called in rs the representative OF
the state organization. Mr.. Jameson
submitted a list of four score Chicago
citizens, representing every industry
and mercantile pursuit. as the members
of a finance committee which he pro
posed to make the official agents of the
party for advisory and money-gettine
purposes.
Messrs. Thurston. Hubbard and Cum
mings, for Nebraska, Minnesota an6
Iowa. were questioned regarding the
situation in their states by the commit
tee. They said that silver sentiment
was growing because of literature sen;
among the farmers by the silver organi
cations, but they had heard of no bolts
and urged immediate work on the part
of the republican literary bureau
II has been arranged to open the cam.
paign August 5 with speechmaking ir
Nebraska and Minnesota. Roswell T.
Horr, of New York. and Senator Bur
rows. of Michigan. will be among the
orators.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1896-07-23
THE EAST.

At Oswego. n. Y, the tooth anniver-
cary OF the evacuation of Fort Ontario
by the Br fish was celebrated.
In Delaware the Higgins faction o:
the republican party met at George
town and nominated John C. Higgins
for governor and X. c. Houston for con-
gress.
New York State Bankers association
in session at Niagara Falls declared
strongly for the continuance of the
gold standard.
The American Bar association held
its nineteenth annual meeting at Sara
toga Springs august 10. 90 and Fl next.
In the National league the percent
ages of the baseball clubs for the week
ended on the 18th were as follows:
more. GIL; Boston, SOS; Chicago. $50;
Pittsburgh, sal: Brooklyn, 400; Philn-
deIphia, AGO; Washington. .442; New
York, .431; St. Louis, .2s6; Louisville.
.229.
Joseph III. Williams, aged s4, ex-goy-
ernor of Maine, died at his residence in
Augusta. For so years he had held
different positions of trust and was
one of the most prominent men in the
state.
At Blair's Valley, Pa, Mrs. Martin
Drury and her two children were ia
tally bitten by snakes.
In Philadelphia Henry J. Smith, trad
ing as the Historical Publishing COM
pany, failed for 100000.
Fire nearly wiped out the village of
Trout Run, Pa.
In the report of the agricultural de-
partment a generally poor condition Of
fruit throughout the country is an
nounced.
At the age Of IS years, Rt. Rev. Arthur
Cleveland Coke, of Buffalo, Protestant
Episcopal bishop of the diocese of west
ern New York. died at Clifton Springs,
N Y.
Ex-Gov. Russel's funeral took place at
Cambridge, Mass, and among the large
number present were President Cleve-
land and Chief Justice Fuller.