Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1896-04-06
JUST FOR FUN.

%+ lOOh OH.
Nhe more you are anxious to sue
Ia in business the more you should
rertise, says an exchange.
My boy, do you know it's wicked
fsh on the Sabbath" "Isn't fish
Pm teachin' this 'ere wurm ter
m."
xtract from school boys compo-
Ion: s'It was a forest where the
md of man had never left its foot
hits"
She wonder what makes the
|sditerranean look so blue? He-You
'bhld look blue if you had to wash
shores of Italy.
ESo Burton wants to go to the leg
|hture, does hep" eyes; he says he
ANTS to find out if there is any truth
all these bribery stories."
|Papa-Jack, what are you crying
bout? Jack = The conjurer at the
Fcus day took five pigeons out of
|y hat, and kept them for himself.
Hungry Hoggarty = How did you
lei when dat old farmer fired de load
buckshot at you? Ragged Haggard
Felt like things was comm my way,
Mrs. Yeast-I understand our min
Der is going to preach sermon to
|eycle riders next Sunday. Mr.. Yeast
II suppose he'll call it the Sermon on
lie Mount.
|''Have you lost another tooth, Be-
hesda?" asked auntie, who noticed
b unusual lisp. "Yes'm," replied
be four-year- old, "and I limp now
hen talk"
Teacher-What can you say of the
psition of women during the Middle
|ges? Precocious boy - Nothing,
(a'am. There amt any women of
be middle ages.
81 don't object, Alice" said the pa
|ent father, "to your trying to make
purself look like a man. All / object
is the kind of man you succeed in
Joking like"
Mrs. Day thought you had made
our plans to send your Harry to
ale. Mrs. Weeks Il had, but it
ouldn't do, you don't know what
light he is in blue.
Tom-Papa, want a bicycle. Papa
We'll, Tom, and what will you fur
ish toward getting it? Tom (think-
lg deeply a moment) PHI furnish
ne wind for the tires.
"What was the greatest difficulty
on encountered in your journey to
ne arctic regions?" asked lady of
n explorer. Getting home again,
was the reply.
''You don't mean to say the cashier
as gomez" eyes," replied the bank
ficial. "Dear me! He had such
leasing appearance" eyes, land such
displeasing disappearance"
''My birthday if April FOOLS Day."
aid Jack, "but I don't care. That
ont make me a fool, any more than
eng born on the Fourth of July
-ould make fire. cracker or me-"
CT see," observed Mr.. Chugwater,
boxing over his morning paper, "they
re making another effort to put a
ax on bachelors" SIS that the single
aX I've heard so much about?'' in
uired Mrs. Chugwater.
Laura" said the fond mother,
hat are the intentions of that young
ian whom you are permitting to call
n YOU so often?'' ''Never mind that,
answered the maiden; 81
now what my intentions are"
Fashionable Doctor-My dear young
Idly, you are drinking unfiltered wa
er. which swarms with animal or
anisms. You should have it boiled;
nat will kill them. His Patient-Well,
octor, 1 think I'd sooner be an aqua
ium than a cemetery.
A young carpenter, recently mar
led, described the dear girls dress as
pillows: SIT has plain sides, with base
round the bottom, crown moulding
bove, dormer window sleeves run
ing into the gable, with scroll work
f velvet around the neck.
Fogg says he received a letter the
ther day, and he had strong pre-
ointment that he would find ten
ollar bill in it. When he opened it,
e found bill for ten dollars, which,
e says, though not exactly the same
hing, shows that his impression was
OF altogether astray.
Little Tommy Ray quarrelled with
is sister, and would not kiss and be
riends. His aunt said, "Oh, don't
ou remember what papa read at fam
" prayers this morning, that we are