davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 189?-190?, 1896-12-04
Football stopped by skunks.

The Osgood high school and Moores-
hill college football teams played at Os-
good, Ind, the other afternoon, but the
game was not finished. being broken up
by q number Of skunks. The first half
was ended when some boys JUS outside
Of the line. in the edge Of tie wood,
drove pack Of skunks out of IA hollow
log. They ran through the fell in all
directions, two Of them gettinT mixed
up with boys in scrimmage. TAc play
ers weakened in their work and finally
were forced to give up tho garoe. Sew
eral hundred spectators were present 9
large number of whom were victims Of
the skunks. s.-ChicsQo Times. Herald.
The evening tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 189?-190?, 1896-12-04

Kokomo, Ind, has q wooden legged
burglar that is puzzle to the police.
Every night for week the mysterious
individual visited from one TO half Q
dozen residences, wrecking lsrders and
carrying of articles Of clothing. His
tracks clearly show that he has one
wooden leg, and. as bloodhoupds refuse
to follow his trail. IL is supposed that
both legs are artificial. He hss been
sighted several times. but each time dis.
appears 20 suddenly that those supersti.
tiously inclined declare that he goes
either straight mp or straight down. -
Chicago Times Herald.
The evening tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 189?-190?, 1896-12-04

Of its effectiveness, when it is separate
accessory. depends upon the goods of which
it is made. When IL Is Of guipure, 1t is
universally serviceable and may be worn
over alk kinds of corsages. In material
having an openwork pattern 1t Is also very
effective.
The sketch given today shows a charm
ing gown for dress wear composed of
silver white silk, with close design in
mauve covering 1t. A ruffle of the silk,
headed by a band of black ostrich feather
trimming, borders the foot of the skirt,
which Is additionally ornamented at the
sides and back by large bows Of mauve
satin. The bodice, of mauve plated satin,
has a bolero and corssaet of black guipure,
embroidered with jet over lining of white
satin. Both corselet and bolero are edged
with black feather trimming The close
sleeves have butterfly drapery at the top
and bow of white satin at the elbow. The
collarette, of black ostrich tips, Is closed
by bow of white satin, fastened by a
buckle. A hat of mauve felt accompanies
the gown. 1t is trimmed with draperies
and bows of white satin and black plumes.
JUDO CHoLLET.
The evening tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 189?-190?, 1896-12-04
RICHEST PRESIDENT.
MR. CLEVELAND is A VERY WEALTHY
MAN.

When He Retires Next March, He VIII
He the Richest ExyIresident That Ever
/ Occupied the Executive Mansion-How
} He Made His Money.
Cleveland's income for l2 years end
ing March 4. 1897:
Eight years as president at 10000. 100000
-Four years law partnership In New
York at SO, 0,000................. ...... 5000
Referee fees earned during four years
out of Office. OuO
Total ................,.'.....'. sooo,VS
Expenses in the White House for eight
years at s2O0 ........................ 10000
st sio GOO per wear 10000
vrota, $500, 900
Saved during l2 years. ................ SO,UO0
Present value of Gray Gables. ........ $4,000
uorses and carriages 1900
Yachts and boats ts..................... 5000
Furnitnre 5000
Present value of Woodley. y.............. l6O,OO0
Furnitnre 5000
Real estate and personal property. 42e,UU
sstocls and bonds ds........... 100000
The Cleveland fortune. Sl,O2o'0oo
The evening tribune. (Pawtucket, R.I.) 189?-190?, 1896-12-04

That furred tongue, bad tasting mouth
and miserable feeling says you need Hop
Bftters.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
The BOY Explained.

A woman, accompanied by her son,
who was about Q years old, was pas
senger on the Staten Island boat the
other day. She was very nervous
woman. and he boy who wanted 20
see what was going on. lie wanted 90
see the boat leave the slip, but the
mother seized his arm and said:
Harry. what did / tell you; Now.
you SIT right down and keep quiet. s"
Later on he wanted 10 see Castle Viii
liam and Ellis island, bat she gave him
a cuff on the ear and exclaimed;
Harry, must whip You before all
these peoples"
"But can't see somethingp' he pro-
tested.
Eyes. you can look around the cabin. "
He was quiet for five minutes and
then edged away 10 look at an ocean
steamer. He had only reached the win
dow when the mother was after him.
and as she shook him and Topped him
down she said:
Il don't know why l brought you
alongw
Il dor' he answered
1.-The idea of your acting as You dor
''You brung me along, " he contin-
ued in a voice which reached every part
of the cabin, because you was going to
get married and give me new pa, but
when we got there, he didn't show mp,
and hope he never will
During the next ten minutes that boy
had the range of the boat, while his
mother sat bolt upright and kept her
eyes fastened on the ceiling. -Detroit
Free Press.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
man best qualified to advance human
Tbs Passing Of Certain Hunorist..

man best qualified TO advance human
interests.
The Passing of Certain Humorists.
IN looking back over tae periods OF
popularity CT each humorous writer it
is curious to note that each stood alone
for time without rival and held the
stage with his audience n commissions
of r.irth until fresher comedian stole
his laurels by newer Juggling or
phrases. Wecan all recollect when Marx
Twain's humor was the only true met
al, all others being spurious OF plated
goods, and how all the world roared az
''Innocents Abroad. +"
Things went then as hulnor that now
would attract the attention OF the grand
jury.
remember-and ! am younger than
most people suspect who have judged
my age by the vast wisdom that per-
meates and exudes from my work. re-
member, / repeat, that the joke about
the man who left placard ON his beer,
stating, E'I have spit in this, " and re-
turning found thereon another line, add
ing, $50 have /, " was joke TO set the
table ~ roar III the most refined So
ciety. We now consider this joke some
what pasSee, and illusions nal de mer
are regarded as vulgar. 1t is sample
Of the humor Of that not very remote
period. and even this is preferable 70 the
conundrum or the pun. Also in this con-
nection il is lamentable TO observe how
sadly lacking in humor now and how
pointless, even melancholic, seem most
of the button bursting and side splitting
productions OF those erstwhile favorites
like the Danbury News Man, whose
sketches were considered at the time
the funniest ever written; of Ten Eyck
White of the Chicago Tribune, whose
Lakeside Musings" were copied about
1888 into every paper; OF the Texas
Siftings' southwestern jests, which, with
those of the Philadelphia Call, the Bur
Engton Hawkeye and later the Detroit
Free Press, kept the original ''hunor
columns" of every country paper crowd
ed to repletion.
The steady outpourings of these gift
ed humorists soon made their technique
familiar, and weak limitations, warrant
ed "just as good" were produced by
the local funny man in every village
sheet. 1t is quite easy TO acquire any
particular style of humor after its crea-
tor has produced enough of it TO make
the brand familiar, just as it is easy
for a man who can draw we'll TO initiate
Zim's, Hengler's, Caran d'Arches' or
Chips pictures as far as the mere handi-
work is concerned. The soul only is
lacking.
And all these men have created such
hunger and thirst for humor that in
response to the demand there are now
thousands Of testers. and humorists'
union is now proposed to keep prices up.
With the increasing facilities for ac-
curing the art, when testers are pop
ping up on every side and humor rapid
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04

" becoming an actual necessity, 1t is a
serious outlook for the old hands, for
humorists threaten TO become as numer-
Gus as the writers of decadent novels.
The germ theory might explain the
increase of funny men very satisfac-
torily. Perhaps the bacillus of humor,
once rare and i'll adapted to its surround
ings, has found its natural field and has
increased Unfortunately under favorable
circumstances in the blood OF mayhap
in the brain of man. This would ac-
count for the phenomenon.
Four National Types of Humor.
There are four natural, fundamental
types or sources of national humor, as
far as l am aware. There may be 9TH
ers. but of these l am sure-to wit:
The English idea. This is primarily
q pugihstic encounter, slam bang set
to. A variant or outgrowth of this idea
is the ''Humpty Dumpty. Punch and
Judy" split stick and knockabout art as
seen on the variety stage. 1t is the Ally
Sloper kind of fun today, largely enter
ing by various devices aud changes into
British popular fun of all sorts.
The American primal idea is that OF
a man being kicked over fence by a
mule. Now, don't smile, but ponder.
The billygoat's sudden onslaught, the
dynamite Joke, the banana peel's treach-
cry, the hole in the ice joke, the bicycle
catastrophes and hundred others are
all drawn from this fountain head. No
other nation is ocular upon the subject
of death, the least humorous event In a
man career. In Weary Walkers COM
icaI misery and the dweller in Lone
somehursts troubles the kick" is the
source Of the fun.
The French fundamental root IL the
comic appreciation of marital infideli-
ties, the disclosure Of a man involved
with another man wife. or vice versa
This has been most prolific source OF
Gaulois merriment from time immemo-
rial and very successful IN increasing
the gayety Of that joyous nation. 1t -
presented IL a hundred thousand ways,
1ut they are all trscesble TO this foun-
dation. The mere fact Of a wife's IN
faithfnlness is somehow comical 70 your
true Frencbman.
The German basic idea Is less easy 10
describe, being more complicated, but IL
may be summed up a. being Largely
connected with the acts Of eating. drink
ing and digesting in various forms II
Is a substantial, meaty, berry and ma
terial form Of humOr, and IL also u Of
more plant and versatile nature insn
any Of the others, admitting Of more
variations and extensions than any q
them, | imagine
Of Spanish OF Russian humor an
as ignorant a. a Zzlu OF Chinese, a.
trough / am informed BY eminent In
guisrs that al these nations possess very
excellent brands. Int l suspect from
casual glance over a Russian neSspsper
that the ham1r q fIat nation = stlII IN
the state OF punmakng. Russian and
also Norwegian names indicate tend
eucy toward a Ta>b and uBzusroed use
CT Tzsber rnisuse. II the alphabet. aid
this 0f itself w01h lad - a free han
ding o. syIIzbses AID words and tnHs
tend % the Taxing u pCus-
The JD tn Date Jsst Ia Brief
Tie chief quality q the latter car
jescs 3. h-isfaesz TIE AZ - coD0e1sa-
iio1l has been sczuirea- ard IN eguIs4r.
ipg tie hzlso- Q. IEisysAz with Tar q
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
MAGIC IN THE KITCHEN.
The Feminine Hcrrmann- Her SsponisnmE
Cupboard Trick and Its kesaif.

M renf,ip> u,rrmanu. Her Astonishing
Cupboard Trick and Its Result.
Characters: Cook. washing mp the din
ner things; mistress, sitting at the WIN
dow making entries in her housekeeping
book; Little Fritz. playing with his
leaden soldiers az the table.
Mistress-Meat, 80 marks, so pfen-
nigs: vegetables, so pfenniss. Yes. bnt
I am marks short. Ah, remember.
II was the price Of admission 20 the con-
iuring entertainments last night.
Cook-Was II nice. please, ma'arns
Mistress-yery. There were one OF
two things that struck me as particular
" clever-for inStance, changing peck
81 handkerchief into canary. But the
best of all was the magic cupboard
Coek-Whas was IL like!
MistreSs-The professor showed rs .
perfectIy empty cupboard, shut the door.
said quickly, "One-two-three, open
ed the door again and ont stepped lis-
tie Girl dressed Just like doll
Cook-Bah, l can do that myself
Mistress (astonished}-You:
Cook-Just give me your attention
for A minute. ma am. Here is kitchen
cupboard. Yon know very well IL has no
double sides. Now am going 70 take
one Of the young masters lead soldiers
I open the cupboard door an inch or two
and throw 1T IN. Now / say, "One-two
-threet
She opened the door wide. A fun
grown soldier stepped out and marched
at the double Quick out Of the kitchen.
All the thanks she got for the perform
ance was severe scoldiug. -Humor-
istische Blatter.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
THE NATIONAL JOKE.
WALT MDOUeALL DESCRIBES THE FA-
vcRITE JESTS OF THE RACES.

Tie Slam Bang Joke That Is Popular In
EneIand-RousSI and Tumble Humor In
Americs-The Popular Thing In France
and GermaBy-The Jokes That Never Die.
The common notion that the humor-
GUS or funny bone is the natural seat OF
humcr in the human body is erroneous,
but as man is the only animal generally
addicted to the practice of testing and
fitted with a funny bone there may be
something n the theory. Some dogs
and most monkeys possess misty sense
of humor, it is certain, and there are
men, some CT them editing funny pa
pers, who have as confused a sense OF
the comical as these lesser animals.
Humor itself is subtle, ethereal es-
sence that was divinely impaired to a
few rare souls to enable them to truly
perceive, measure and judge the value
Of the things of this life and shed the
electric light of a higher wisdom upon
them for the proper guidance of the less
gifted. Humor is the sense of proper
tion exaggerated. 1t is the last, best gift
TO suffering man. It is a mascot that
works nights, a poultice for pain, balm
for aches, burns, chilblains, malaria,
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04

dition. Phoenix s, Artemus Wards and
Marx Twain s humorous thoughts were
long drawn out and much involved. but
today we get ocr fun IN homeopathic
doses in most instances. ConciseneSs has
added 70 its flavor as well as made the
art more difficult, perhaps
4 half century ago 1t took quite \
page 10 frame a bonmot IN suitable
wording. Like a diamond ring in a
wedding cake, you had to dig 1t out
Now it is set solitaire. Even Marx
Twain grows photographic when he says
that ''the Arabs Will take anything bu;
a joke.
This is perhaps due to the fact that
the pecuniary rewards of literary work
are greater than of yore. TWAS all very
well TO incumber a jest with a wreath
of words when a writer received 30
cents per page, but now, when jokes
even feeble little wituclsms about the
new wOman-sell at 81 each, 1t Is diff
ferent When a farmer with facetlOus
mind can bundle up dozen paragraphlc
quips of morning and mail them TO a
METROPOLITAN comic weekly and receive
a check in return, it is plain that times
have altered
Pictorial humor has helped toward
this tersenesS Of expression. Snllivant' $
picture Of the hippopOtamus and her
baby, ear deep in water, illustrates this.
The mother, awakened, says:
"Well, what do you want nOw:"
The baby answers, 81 want a drink
of water.''
Comment is needless.
1t pays well. On looking over the
field of acknowledged humorists, past
and present, one observes, with deep,
calm satisfaction, that they have all
prospered. Even away back in the days
of literary poverty Hook, Steele, Smol-
lett and the rest of them lived ON the
fat of the land, even if they didn't own
real estate. Artemus Ward, Derby,
Harte, Bailey-all made lots Of money.
Mark Twain failed for over 81 600, zoo
and is coming another fortune In Ans
tralia NJ. Quad, Bill Nye and the RES
carry around fat bankbOoks and Oper
wine on every possible occasion.
The reason humorist acquires wealth
is that he is of a simple, pure nature
without acquired. vicious tastes, like ;
yearning for steam yachts, race horses
diamonds or pate de foie grss, and HI
just soaks his money away where moth!
do not corrupt and it never is disturbed
except for charitable purposes
All humorists have quies, simple
tastes as regards living and dress.
never saw one who knew the correc
number of studs for dress shirt bosom
or who could make a salad dressing, bu
they can all, without exception, draw
up cast iron contract, and no one eve
sold gold brick TO a professional fun
ny man. This is authentic.
WALT MCDoUGALI-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
Do YoU Know

That the Frisco Line (St. Louis and
San Francisco railway is positively
the only line running two daily through
passenger trains from Wichita 70 st.
Louis, without change. leaving Wich-
ita at 1925 p. m, and 10:40 p. m, arriv-
ing in St Louis at $50 p. m, and 1:15
a. m. The equipment of these trains
is first class in every particular, con-
sisting Of elegant reclining chair cars
(seats freel and Pullman Palace Draw
ing Room Sleepers.
If you are going beyond st. Louis re-
member that connection with all lines
for the east. northeast and southeast
is made in the magnificent new Grand
Union station. St. Louis, the largest
and handsomeSt passenger station in
the world.
For sleeping car berths and all infor-
nation relative 10 rates, routes, etc,
call at Santa Fe Route ticket Office,
southwest corner Main and Douglas,
or Douglas avenue station.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

The Greek nose was straight azn
tt1IerabIy prominent.
The one prudence in life is conceo'
t-at;or; the one evil is dissipation
Emerson.
--Among the 1000 persons making co
the population of Alfred, Ne, are "a be-
tween the ages Of so and 80 years.
Springfield. IL, is built on So:
square miles of ground and has So
o00 population, who owe S902,S5o and
own s5.85T.435.
Among the Mongolians. Indians
and negroes, the internal cavities of the
rose are more largely developed than
among the Caucasisns.
"A woman working in a factory at
CoEou,a. Mich, for IS cents a day. last
week fell heir to fortune of $4,000
through the death of an uncle in Ger
uneay.
The tapirts snout is an extension OF
his nose. This singular animal is re-
garded by SOME naturallsts as the Inter
mediate class between the elephant and
the pig.
The whales nose IS Oh top Of his
head. at ieast his nesSrils arc situated
there, through which he eApeis the COL
urof,s OF water during the action known
az "spoEtio2" Whales only spout when
they eve feeding.
The shoFeI fish uses his nose as a
tool to mike his living. BY means of bis
nasal proturberaace he turns over the
mud Of the bottom Of the sea and un-
sarttls the wexnss and small shell fish
on which he feeds.
The treasury circulation statement
issued February ! gives the amount of
gold in the United States, outside the
treasury, as S49e, lao, $50. The amount
Of all kinds of money in circulation is
placed at 81, $50, 72o. COZ, an increase since
January l, 1896, of .S53. The per
capita circulation is $22.47.
Strangely enough, the city of Pip
adeIphia has never had a fitting monu-
ment to its most iilustrious citizen.
Benjamin Franklin. But it will have at
least two in the near future. Justus c.
StrawbTidge, of Philadelphia, has COM
missioned john J. Boyle 70 model a
statue of Franklin, and another statue
of him will soon be erected by the Fair
mount Park Art association
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
Missed the Functuation.

Even so slight mistake as the plac-
ing Of a comma instead Of a dash
brought sharp disappointment to
FrenchInSn in Washington the other
day.
The Frenchman had grown fond 81
horsefiesh, it is explained, and was
greatly pleased. on taking MP bill Of
fare in one Of the fashionable restau-
rants of the capital, 10 read:
POT roast-horse radish sauce.
The waiter was at his elbow, and tho
people at the next table heard the
Frenchman say eagerly;
Bring 10 me. eef you please, some q
70 roast horse, wiz 20 radish sauce. -
Pathfinder.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
GOLD At CRIPPLE CFrrK

The fabUlously rich sold mining dis
trict Of Cripple Greek. Colorado. : at
tracing hundreds of people. By spring
Tire rush bids f..~ % 40 enor4a That
there IS an abundance OF gold there :
Cemons-rs,el beyond doubt. Fortunes
are being ap.aly made.
TIE BEST WAY To GET THERE IS
OVER THE SANTA FE ROUTE.
Leaving Wichita Al 5.45 p. m. and ar
irving a. Cripple Creek at Il 10 ;he next
morning. The SANTA r lands yo1
richc In the heart Il The city. Fog Illus
tratel pamphlet descriptive Of Cripple
Creek call GA or address
6S Il TACO * CARNEY.
Clcy TfcSz- s.s-..-s
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
An individual Preference.

"Some fellers as is interested in sill
yer wants silver money" remarked
Flooding Pete thoughtfully, while
others thinks gold Is right. I've even
heard Of fellers tibet wanted to deposit
wheat an things TN git currency fur
'em. -
"Yep. replied Meandering Mike
"A good deal depens on yer pus nal IN
terests. Now ez fur me. 1 think a heap
% time could be saved by gittin out W.
ders on responsible breweries negotiable
at all the bars IN the country. Wash
ington Star.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
A Criticism.

whats that" asked Derringer Dan
as he paused in astonishment 70 listen
TO the efforts of the parlor quartet.
That's something taken from Wag-
ner. What do you think of it:''
well, " was the carefully considered
reply, whatever it is, Wagner seems to
be givin it up mighty hard Washing
ton Star
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
HOMESEEKERs EXCURSION

The Rock Island Route viii have on
sale February l1th and March Il;h
HomeseekeIs excursion tickets %
points in Southern Missouri Arkansas
Louisiana ana Texas. Arizona. Okla
boua and Indian Territories AZ one
fare for the round TIP plus 500. Tick
cts good fifteen days and flal limit
Tor return thlgty-oae days from da;e OF
sale. Hal :. RAY.
CITY Ticket AE,lt
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
CRIPPLE CREEK.
THE GREAT GOLD FIELD OF THE
NINETEENTH CENTT-Ry

IS easily reachel va. lie Great Ms
souri, Pacific Railway. either Via Pu-
eblo. Colorado Springs. ar betA.
Colorado express leaves Wichita G..&
At SIC F.. IN. arriving SO Tuea.e u
Colorado Springs fer breakfast Grip
pie Creek is only a few hours ride t-om
Pueblo or Colorado Springs.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
Reconciled to the Loss.

One Legged Stranger-Yes, 1 was
lucky. got 81, 500 from the railroad
company for that leg.
Bystander-Well, L wouldn't take
$15, 600 for one of mine.
Stranger-Yes, but the foot on the
leg that / lost had the worst chilblain
on it YOU ever saw.-Chicago Record
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04

rnOTograpner-Ies g, sir; 1 can photo
Irsph the money IN your pocketbOok
fust as you stand.
Visitor-Well, you're a real genius
then; ] went through il just now and
couldn't find a cent Chicago Record.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04

Nrs. Eins'30s Soota.aZ syrup
Should always lee used fer chllGrsa
tec-nnz i z-ctaes the child. SCI ems
;h- Sans. 5iiays az pain. cures wind
cole and y the bese remedy for
Ctarrh2t8 TWEEN ty-fivs cents a bot
lie. Used by millions o. mothers
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
A winter wish


sit-.n h@-s Ee4tz witty sxisA
FsIl@r ts7ss - zisatH
Il vas Ehsrs tie rivers ri-e-
FrscEzs
Wa. j. So WIN folks -S-'f sEsssf
A. tte e1ES-- - z-ls-z
LlErrr1se ss-e.shezrss .. Sc Esss
k1-sn.
Tax 4 49, f~tn sott Ns Shits--
G.ssfis - scH hrEril-
49, .r-ez z.ssz-o~s--lzrvls IA e zzs.
EErEf
q So r--.rrre - errasiT crlE
SHr-e Sc -e~-
= rTs-r Esss--zzftie 49,
xlzks
-A--xzsz Cz-...t-.Szz.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1896-03-04
IortgaGe Sale of Candy stock and Fixtures

On Saturday morning, March Z, at
10 O'Clock the entire stock, fixtures, ma
cninery, etc, of the J.. NJ. Cox Candy
factory viii be sold under chattel mort
gage to the highest bidder Anyone
wishing information regarding stock.
etc, can get same by calling on c. V.
Floyd. room Is, Fletcher block 94-2t