davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03
THE EXERCISES At THE PARK.
rb. Cornerstone Laying Attended
nv Most Impressive Ceremonies

rb. CORNERSTONE Laying Attended
Inv Most Impressive Ceremonies.
The mark was filed with people before
the procession reached it, and groups OF
officers were talking over war matters OF
the events OF the day.
Presently these groups dispersed anu
came upon the big platform that had
been erected there and took seats. await
ing the arrival of the mighty column that
was coming on to join in the ceremonies
Of the day. on the platform had ALREADY
been seated the Grand Lodge of Masons
of Virginia. There were in that body men
DISTINGUISHED In the Masonic world. High
dienitarles in that order were there In
numbers. and their august presence gave
impressiveness to the great occasion.
presently off in the distance a band
struck up an old familiar air. 1t was the
hand AT the head Of the big procession.
This was signal that the ceremonies OF
having the cornerstone would soon begin.
few minutes after this the PLATFORM
was crowded.
PROMINENT MEN APPLAUDED.
General John b. Gordon was among the
first OF the distinguished Confederates 70
ascend The platform. Some OF the old SOL
diers applauded him as he walked down
the aisle TO take a seat that had been re-
served for him near the front. That's
General Gordon" said a number OF people
at once. and the great Georgian bowed
as the people honored him with applause
Then the Governor OF Virginia. with MS
staY. came forward. and he. too. was
cbeered as he advanced TO the front ac-
comnanied by his staff. Where is wade
Hampton" some one asked. and the an
sver came quickly from another. "hidins
a, the head OF the old cavalry" Then
there came upon the platform Generai
pu,Ier of South Carolina. looking as
vigorous as he did twenty years ago.
close by him sat General Weisiger. VINO
was with Jefferson Davis In the Mexican
war. and who yet distinctly remembers
incidents OF Paio Alto and Cheruousco'
Thicker and thicker became the crowa
...s the platform. and soon al the seats
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03

Young formed beautiful lines. between
which passed the old. and at times the
young and the old would cheer each other
Justify. Peering through the trees from
the platform you could see soldiers In
blue, in white. and in gray, passing and
repassing: and these. mingling with the
musicians in red uniforms, made ka-
leidoscoplc picture that became more
beautiful as the men moved here and
there. first in the sunshine and next in
the shade. Stalwart policemen kept back
the crowd until those in the procession
had arrived.
THE MASONIC CEREMONIES.
II was about 90 minutes after o'clock
when the cornerstone ceremonies were
started These were conducted after the
usual form by the Grand Lodge Of Vir-
ginia. whose officers are: Most Worship
full J. p. Fitzgerald. Grand Master; Right
Worshipful A. r. Courtney. Deputy Grand
Master; Right Worshipful r. t. w.
nuke. IT.. Grand Senior Warden; Right
Worshipful George w. Wright, Grand
Junior Warden; Right Worshlpful tTeae-
rick Pleasants. Grand Treasurer; Right
Worshipful George W. Carrington. Grand
Secretary: Right worshipful Fl. o. Kerns'
Grand Senior Deacon; Right Worshipful
Edward n. Eubank. Grand Junior Dea-
con. Plight Worshipful George II. Ray,
Grand Chaplain; worshipful j. A Cosby
Grand Pursuant: Brother w. c. Wilkin-
son. Grand Tier; Brother William Krause
Grand Steward.
The Masonic marshals were: Most
worshipful william B. Tahaferro, p. G.
NJ. Grand Marshal: worshipful j. Thomp.
son Brown. p. NJ, Assistant Grand Mar
shall. Right Worshipful William Gibson
Jr.. D. D. C. NJ, Richmond. Va; Worship
fll Samuel W williams. P. NJ. Wythe
VILE. Va; Worshipful Julius straus, P.
NJ, Richmond. Va; Worshipful Thomas
s. Taliaferro. J. NJ. Gloucester county.
Va; Brother Garrett G. Gooch, Staun-
ton. Va; Brother Charles II. Phillips.
Richmond. Va.
GRAND CHAPLAIN'S PRAYER.
Grand Chaplain George II. Ray offered
the following prayer:
Eternal Father. God Of Love. giver OF
ALI good gifts and graces, We ask Thy
presence and blessing as we essay 10
place this foundation stone OF the shaft
here 70 be erected to the memory OF our
distinguished countryman.
AS the sky that bends in beauty over
this city and Southland In this hish-noon
of the year, so may thine own hand send
In blessing over the Grand Lodge OF Vir-
ginia, and all Masons here present. May
this task now begun under such pleasant
auspices be carried TO completion with
Thy gracious blessing.
May high wisdom be displayed. not ONLY
In the choice, but In the arrangement OF
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03
The Parade Of Yesterday the Gfandest
Pageant Ever Sem Here.
SOLDIERS BOTH OLD And YOUNG.
Hundreds Of Camps and Many Military
Companies in the Procession.
GREAT CROWDS ON THE STREETS.
No Such Gathering OF People Eves
Seen in Richmond-Wiid Enthusf-
a.m over Popular Airs-Features
of the Day.

The sun. midway the heavens. yesters
day shone down on scene, the like OF
which can never again be witnessed
in the South. II was a grand and IN
spring sight, one TO move the very IN
most depths OF the soul; spectacle upon
which one is permitted to gaze only once
in lifetime.
Thirty years have passed since the tat
tered folds OF the flag bearing'.its thirteen
stars were with tender hands smoothed
out and laid away; but yesterday tie
same banner that had noated over many
a bloody field Of battle once moro caught
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03

sacrifice in honoring our soldiery, and also
our women and our children. and all our
population without distinction. We pray
Almighty God for the widows and children
OF our deceased soldiers. We pray In be
half OF the veterans VINO have survived
the war, and who still live among US
Now that they are old and gray. lead
them into pleasant places and make them
TO lie down beside still waters. We pray
in behalf Of our Southern States. On
God. grant that the ties by which they
are united together-ties OF precious men,
orles and glorious traditions. and common
sentiment and common interest. may
never be broken during the lapse OF time.
Now, oh God. we desire to offer a prayer
for these united States Of the American
republic. Danish Thou from our land all
bitterness and wrath-all distress and yiO-
lence between section and section, and
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03

and a fine voice, delivered his speech we'll
and elected frequent and enthusiastic ap-
plause. But 1t is a matter of regret that
he had TO speak to an audience wearied
ont before he begun, and had to speak in
the open air, instead Of the Audi'orium
1t is yet certain that he bears off honors
as an orator as well as those OF a soldier
He will carry with him to his southern
home the thanks and best wishes OF our
neople for this excellent service.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03

and all are happy over the grand re-
suits.
Those who arranged the order OF march
did not. perhaps. design It, but the very
succession IN which the organizations and
participants came taught a beautiful les
son. Mrs. Davis. the widow of the
Confederacy. and the living representa-
tive OF our dead President; her daughter.
Mrs. Hayes, and her grandson. Little
Jen." Oh horseback. and riding with the
sasy grace which becomes q Davis, were
the observed Of all Observers. and recalled
many memories Of the Confederacy
The beautiful sponsors OF the States told
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03

ed battle-hags. These veterans represent
ed a glorious past. a glorious cause. when.
often with bare and bleeding feet. they
followed their great leaders to an immor-
talty of fame. Then came the young sol
diers Of to-day many Of them sons Of
veterans, around whom cluster the hopes
OF the future.
And thus were blended our grand past,
our progressive present, and our bright
hopes for the future.
INSPIRING SCENES.
The scenes along the line of march beg
gar all description. The crowds that
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03
THE STONE WAS LAID
Formal Beginning Of the Monument 10
President Jefferson Davis.
GREAT TURNOUT OF PEOPLE.
The Leaders Of the COniederaCy PaTtiCi-
pate in The Demonstration.
IMPRESSIVE CEREMONY.
The GRIND Lodge of virginia ON
cistcs-Prnyers by bishop Gran
herx and Chaplain Ray--Great oNa-
lion TO Mrs. Davis and Gen. Lee.

The great parade. the great ouipouIihs
OF the people, the scenes along the hne
OF march. the scene in Monroe Park
the laying OF the cornerstone the great
speech Of General Stephen D. Lee the
optburst and continued fow Of Coniede-
rate enthusiasm have come ana gone
and words are utterly inadequate to de-
scribe them.
1ho universal verdict IS that the Con-
federates have captured Richmond ana
Richmond has captured the Coniederates'
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1896-07-03

the gentle breezes OF the South, and waved
in front OF those who for four long
years had followed 1t in victory and de-
eat.
Two generations have been born since
The South lay down its arms. and suc-
,umbed to the overwhelming forces Of Tho
opposing army. and the eye OF the once
stalwart soldier Is dimmed with age. and
his limbs have grown weary. But, though
altering are his steps. the sound OF the
drum and fife yesterday made him forget
the ravages time had wrought uTon his
war-worn body: the old spirit was again
awakened IN his breast. his eye kindiet
as OF old, and he marched In line almost
as though the blood Of youth still coursed
through his veins.
A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
What day It was! Every heart was
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05
man best qualified to advance human
Tho Passing of Certain Humorists.

interests.
The Passing of Certain Humorists.
In looking buck over the periods of
popularity of each humorous writer it
is curious to note that each stood alono
for n time without Il rival and held the
stage with his audience in commissions
of mirth un1ii u fresher comedian stole
his ~laurels by n newer Juggling OF
phrases. We can all recollect when Mark
Twain's humor was tho Snly rue met
al. all others being spurious or plated
goods, and how all the world reared at
~"Innoccnts Abroad"
Things went then as humor that now
would attract tho attention OF the grand
jury.
l remomber-and 1 am younger than
most people suspect who have judged
my age by tho vast wisdom that per-
meates and exudes from my work. re-
member, l repeat. that Tbs joke about
tho man who left Is placard on his beer,
stating, 81 hive spit i'll this, " and re-
turning feGnd thereon another limo, add
ing, so have /" was a joke to set tho
table Ill q roar III the most refined So
cietr, We nov consider this joke
NAAG lt''NNt ~ Anulu o l1CI
IRE regarded as vulgar. It is O sample
Of the humor of that not very remote
period, and even this is preferable to tho
conundrum or the pun. Also in this con-
nection it is lamentable to observe how
sadly lacking i'll bumor now and how
pointloss, even m~elancholic, seem most
Of the button bursting and side splitting
productions of those erstwhile favorites
like the Danbury News Man, whose
sketches were considered ut the time
the funniest over written; of Ten Eyck
White of the Chicago Tribune, whose
Lakeside Musings" were copied about
1888 into every paper; of the Texas
Siftings' southwestern jests, which, with
those of the Philadelphia Call, the Bur-
lington Hawkeye and later the Detroit
FREQ Press, kept the original "humor
columns" of every country paper crowd
ed to repletion.
The steady OutpouringS of these gift
ed humorists soon made their technique
familiar, and weak limitations, warrant
cd "just rs good" were produced by
the local funny man in every village
sheet. 1t is quite easy to acquire any
particular style of humor after its crea-
tor has produced enough of it to make
the brand familiar, just as it is easy
for a man who can draw we'll to initiate
Zim's, Hcngler's, Caran d'Akches' or
Chips pictures as far as the more handi-
work is concerned. The soul only is
lacking.
And all these men have created such
a hunger and thirst for humor that in
response to the demand there are noyy
thousands Of testers, and q humorists'
union is now proposed to keep prices up.
With the increasing facilities for ac-
curing tho art, when testers are pop
ping mp cn ernry 3ido and humor rapid.
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05

~ becoming an actual necessity, it is q
serious outlook for the OLD hands, for
hnmorists threaten to become as numer-
Gus as tho writer's of decadent novels.
The germ theory might explain the
increase of funny men very satisfac-
torily. Perhaps the bacillus of humor,
once rare and i'll adapted to it's surround
ings, has found it's natnral field and has
increased Unfortunately under favorable
circumstances i'll the blood or mayhap
III tho brain Of mar. This would ac-
count for the phenomenon.
-Four National Types of Humor.
There are four natural, fundamental
types or sources of national humor, as
Ear as l 1 am aware. There may bo 9th
ors, but of these L an sure-to wit:
The English ides. This is primarily
Il pugilistic encout ter, Il slam bang set
to. A variant or cntgrowth of this idea
IS the "Humpty Dumpty, "Funeh and
study" split stick and knockabonfft art as
seen on the variety stage. 1t is the Ally
Sloper kind Of fun today, largely enter
ing by various devices and changes into
British popular fun of all sorts.
1. The American primal idea is that oof
q man being kita;ed over a fence by a
mule. Now, don't smile, but ponder.
Tie billygoat's sudden onslaught, tho
dynamite joke, tho banana peol's treadh-
cry, the hole i'll TIE ice joke, the bicycle
casistrophes and a hundred. others are
all drawn from this fountain head. No
other nation issjoeular upon the subject
of Aeath, the least humorous event in a
mans career. In Weary Walkers com-
ical, tmisery and she dweller in Lone
sometiurst'S troubles the "kick" is the
source of the fun.
The French fundamental root is the
comic appreciation of marital infideli-
ties, tbe disclosure of q man involved
with mother mans wife, or vice versa.
h has been u most prolific source of
Gaulols merriment from time immemo-
rial an& very successful in increasing
tho gayety of that joyous nation. 1t is
presented i'll a hundred thousand ways,
but they arc all traoeable to this foun.
antion. The mere fact Of a wife's nm
faithfulness is somehow comical to your
trne Frenckman.
The German basic idea is less easy to
describe, being mere complicated, but it
may be summed up as being largely
connected With thea acts OF eating, drink
ing and digesting in various forms. II
is % substantial. meaty, hcery and ma
terial form of humor, and il also is of a
more plant and versatile nature than
any of tho others. admitting of more
variations II extensions than any of
them, l imagine.
Of Spanish or Russian humor I am
rs Ignorant as of Zulu or Chinese, al
though l am informed by eminent lin
gusts that all these nations possess very
excellent brands, but | suspect from a
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05

dition. PhnniX's, Artemus Wards and
Mark Twain's humorous thoughts were
long drawn out and much involved, but
today we get u fun in homeopathic
doses i'll most instances. Conciseness has
added to it's flavor ms we'll as made the
art moro difficult, perhaps.
A half century ago it took quite q
page to frame a bonmot i'll suitable
wording. Like q diamond ring in a
wedding cake, you had to dig it out.
Now it is set solitaire. Even Mark
Twain grows photographic when he says
that "tho Arabs will take anything but
a joke"
This is perhaps due to the fact that
the pecuniary rewards of literary work
arc greater than of yore. 1t was all very
well to incumber II jest with q wreath
of words when a writer received 80
cents per page, but now, when jokes
even feeble little witticisms about the
new woman-sell at 81 each, it is diff
ferent. When a farmer with a facetious
mind can bundle up a dozen photographic
qulps of n morning and mail them to q
metropolitan comic weekly and receive
a check III return, it is plain that times
have altered.
Pictorial humor has helped toward
this terseness of expression. S%ullivant's
picture of the hippopotamus and her
baby, ear deep in water, illustrates this.
The mother, awakened, says:
well, what do YOU want now!"
Tho baby mlswors, II want d drink
CT watcrI''
Comment is needless.
1t pays well. On looking over the
field of acknowledged humorists, past
and present, one observes, with deep,
calm satisfaction, that they have all
prospered. Even away back in the days
of literary poverty Hook, Steele, Smol-
lett and the rest of them lived on the
fat of the land, even il they didn't own
real estate. Artemus Ward, Derby,
Harte, Bailey-all made lots of money.
Mark Twain failed for over 81, 900, 600
and is coming another fortune in Aus
tralia. M. Quad, Bill Nye and the rest
carry around fat bankbooks and open
wine OH every possible occasion.
The reason u humorist acquires wealth
is that he is of a simple, pure nature,
without acquired. vicious tastes, like a
yearning for steam yachts, race horses,
diamonds or pate de foie gras, and he
just soaks his money away where moths
do not corrupt and it never is disturbed
except for charitable purposes.
All liumorists have quiet, simple
tastes as regards living and dress. l
never saw II who knew tho correct
number of studs for a dress shirt bosom
or who could make a salad dressing bpt
they can all, without exception, draw
up'a cast iron contract, and no one ever
sold Il gold brick to a professional fun
ny man. This is authentic.
WALT MCDOUGALL.
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05

TYPICAL LEHMAN JOKE.
densed Novels," tho "Biglow Papers,"
"Carroll's Semi Idiotic Verses and
others, to say nothing OF some stuff that
l intend producing when I get time.
will probably endure as classics, TO be
studied when tho huinorist is properly
recognized as tho most enlightened. ad-
vanccd and gifted Of men. In that pc
Rod he will DO selected as tho best fit
ted to grace high offices and will control
the dostinies of mankind and lead them
to heights now undreamcd of.
This will occur when We have out
grown tho idea that the lawyer is the
sum Of human achievements and tho
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05
How are Your Kidneys ?
Or. Hobbs Sparagus Kidney Pills
Are ndorsed.hy Physicians and

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Cured Backacaie of Ten Years Standing.
In regard to the results obtained from DR..
Hobbs Sparagus Kidney Pills 1 would say that
they have been highly satisfactory. For ten
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times 1t was 30 severe ] couli hcrdly walk. After
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the pain has entirely disappeared. l now feel
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TAKEAPlLL. Take the best. Take Hobbs.
DR.. Hobbs Little Liver Pills cont grippe. Prine1Cc.
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05
THE NATIONAL JOKE.
WALT M'OOUGALL DESCRIBES THE FA-
VORlTE JESTS OF THE RACES.

The Slam Bang Joke That Is Popular In
Englend-Rough AND Tumble Hummer IN
America-The Popular Thing In Franco
md ~Gcrmnny-The Jokes That Never Die.
The common notion that the humor-
Gus or funny bone is tho natural seat of
humor i'll the human body is erroneous,
but as man is the only animal generally
addicted to the practice of jesting and
fitted with a funny bono there may DO
something in the theory. Some dogs
and most monkeys possess n misty sense
OF humor, it is certain, and there are
men. some of them editing funny pa
pers, who have as confused a sense Of
thec omical as these lesser animals.
Humor itself is a subtle, ethereal &C.
once that was divinely imparted to a
few rare souls to. enable them to truly
perceive, measure and judge the value
of the things Of this life and shed the
electric light of a higher wisdom upon
them for the proper guidance of the less
gifted. Humor is the sense of proper
tion exaggerated. 1t is the last, best gift
to suffering man. 1t is q mascot that
works nights, apoultice for pain, a balm
Tor aches, burns, chilblains, malaria,
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05
a Criticitrn.

What's that?'' asked Derringer Dan
as he paused i'll establishment to listen
to efforts of the parlor quartet.
That's something taken from Wag-
ner. What do you think of it?"
well" was the carefully considered
reply, whatever it is, Wagner seems to
be givin itup mighty hard. "-Washinp-
ton Star.
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05
Reconciled to the Loaa.

'0ne Legged Stranger-Yes, I was
lucky. 1 got $1,000 from the railroad
company for that leg. .
Bystander-Wen, r wouldn't take
$4,000 for one of mine.
Stranger-Yes, but the foot on the
leg that / lost had the worst chilblain
Oh ltyou ever w.-Chicugo Record.
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05

ton and pain in the heart, terrible pain in
thy right side just under the ribs, terrible
headaches all the time a bearing down
sensation ; a distressed feeling in my stom-
ach all the time could hardly eat anything
and it looked as if I would starve. Ali the
time l would take such weak trembling
spells, and it seemed as If I could not stand
it. There were six doctors treating me
when I commenced taking your medicine.
! had lost all hope and rome to my fathers
to die. I commenced taking DR.. PieIce's
Golden Medical Discovery and his Pa.
them regularly until 1 felt as if life was
worth living again"
~ weigh more than I have weighed for
ten years. My friends say that l look better
than they ever saw me. The first two bot
ties did me moro good than all the medicine
I had taken. My stomach has never hurt
ine since. 1 can eat anything 1 want and as
much as I want. If you want to use this in
favor of your medicine, I am a living wit
ness to testify to it, and will, to anybody
who wants to know further Of my case"
eMo-A2 Gnu~s
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05

casual glance over q Russian newspaper
that the humor OF that nation is still in
the state Of punmaking. Russian and
also Norwegian names Indicate u tend
sncy toward u rash and unguarded use,
or rather misuse, of the alphabet, and
this of itself would lead to u free ham
ding of s%yllables and words, and thus
tend to the making Of puns.
Rho Up to Date Jest 10 Briee.
Tho chief quality of tho latter day
jests is briefness. The art of condensa-
ton has been acquired, and i'll compar-
ing the humor Of this year with that of
feature is seen to DO in tho latter's torse-
ness. Lowell's humor i'll the "Biglow
Papers is smothered in II mass of cru
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05
THE STAR OF o

az had lost nil
and gone to
my fathers to die"
said Mrs. MoLIR
EVANS, of MQund,
CorycN Co., TcxaE-'
II gave birth t0 a
year ago, tho
sta Of Iaea last,s
Odds, land
seemed to do very
we'll for 8 or 9 days,
and then l hogan to
feel very bad, my
feet began to swell,
my stomach was ali
wrong auu seemed
to suffer with every
thing that could be
borne. was in bed
S months and there
was not a day that it
seemed I could live.
We had the best
d doctors that our
country afforded. I
was a s%ke1eton.
Every one that saw
me thought that I
@opl9 hever get
Well, I had na1pito.
The Roanoke daily times. (Roanoke, Va.) 1895-1897, 1896-03-05

ihc rose among the Romans was tho
emblem OF secrecy; hence the phrase sub
Rosa.