Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1896-07-02
MAJ. BELcHER's GRAFTON.
BY FRANZ b. I

BY FRAME b
1t was all fixed at Cactusville that there
was &c be a big blowout on the Fourth,
and the eastern element was In high featt-
er over the prospective celebration. The
old residents didn't care much for burning
powder and waving flags, but the tender
feet were right in for a good old-fashioned
tiareup, such as they used to have back In
the states. Foremost among the enthusi-
asts on p~atriatism was Maj. Belcher, an
old California volunteer, who was always
on hand for Decoration day parades and
celebrations of all kinds wherein his old
army badge and blue could be shown MP.
Twas said Of him (sub-rosa Of course)
that he had never smelled powder OF any
other than peaceful occasions, but there
was no gainsaying that the majah was
every inch = soldier, As q talker the ma
jor was b generally acknowledged ana
hard-to-down slayer. He would drop into
the general store (where there was . wet
goods department. perch himself on q
barrel-head and talk everybody sick, hum
cry. end tired who came IN throughout the
whole day. His reputation as a lounge
singer was well earned, and the leading
spirits in the coming festivities got their
heads together and resolved to give the
major q chance to shoot off his mouth in
public. In other words, he was to be i'm
vited to give an grafton on the THE Ma
TONS Natal Day." at the Fourth 1T July
dOings.
The word went around that Major
Belcher had been selected as the orator for
the mOmentOus occasion, and the air of
dignity which that celebrity suddenly ac-
quired was, to say the least. impressive.
He forsOOk the barrel head for the carpen-
tors bench In the barn, and for several days
proceeding the great event he. at regular
intervals poured out his ~elOQuence upon
the solitary % that occupied the structure
wringing from the poor prisoner an occa-
sional ''Mo-o-o," by the way of protest.
The fourth broke bright and beauti-
full and CactusviIle was up early. The
ceremonies of the day were performed at
the t0wnhall, before themain entrance was
q rude stand which had been construed
AOA tuO Sp0&k0ISs WIZ W0EC - uOCOEK
their ~elOQuence ct high moor
High noon arrived and found the high
dignitarties Of the occasion in their places
and there was a high old time. The town
official, loaded down with badges, banners
and self-impOrtance, bObbed about for a
for . short time, getting In q word now
and then between noisy demonstrations of
the assemblage, then the leading feature of
day was introduced In person of Major
Benjamin Belcher.
With bullying brow barred to the blazing
sun the Major struck an attitude on the
platform. 1t was the only thing he had
ever struck, most likely, but he knew how
to do that with all the frills, and a. he
stood surs eying the crowd before beginning
his speech he looked an orator betting the
occasion.
"F'ell0w-citizens, patriots and Ameri-
cant" he began. ION this the natal day
OF our grand nation VI meet to give utter
ance to 0ur sincere and ~unbounded love for
he greatest and grandest nation on EARTH"
Banel bangl rip-rat.tiety bang! went
the gums, crackers and t~orpedoes.) 1--WE,
assemble to-day to-" (Hooray! hoOray!
fzz-bang! rattlety- bang!) I'VE assemble
to-" Trip! roar! boom! bang!I
The major broke OF just there, and jump
ing upon the table fairly screamed;
"Men of America! Johnny has got his
gun today and is using II for all he is
worth, and there is no use trying to stop
him, 30 let him rip! In the interests of
pure American patriotism, unall0yed love
Of mischief and cussedness. lf0reg0 the hO-
nor Of addressing you and proceed to par
ticipate In the prevailing pandemOnium!"
Then leaping into the midst Of the up
roarlous mob the major drew from his hip
pocket q young cannon which he turned
louise at the heavens, causing all previous
nOislous to dwindle into utter insigniti-
canoe.
This was the windup and the exercises
terminated then and there. The major
got in with gangs who were out for . time,
and that was the last 9 of him for q
week. But his speech, what there was of
1t, was . decided hit, and for q long time
afterward the people of Cactusville referred
to the major IS johnny get your gun"