The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1896-04-03
JUSTICE JOHNS COURT.
HE TELLS a CLASSICAL SIOhf.
WIN a POINTED MORAL.
The Old, Old story of Forgiving Wife.
Sergeant Thomas Astounds the Court
With Proposition to Remit fine-S--

1t is with difficulty that you can find
a Mister 50 and So. There are generals,
colonies. majors. captains, sersean1s, COM
modores. judges, 'squircs, doctors. pro-
fessors. bishops and bosses. All OF these
name are as Unfortunately used and
applied as a piece OF court-plastcr: In fact.
as a rue whenever you ind a rather
sore looking subject. II is safe TO bet
that a piece Of this lattcr-day court-plas-
ter has been stuck on by some svmpa-
ihizing friend or careless was.
Some interest was manifested a few
Gays ago In a certain captain. but inves-
ugauon proved that a quarter of CEN
tury ago he was really the captain OF
baseball club. and so ne was passed.
man who once tied his handkerchief
about the cut hand Of q small boy Is
even now greeted as doctor. although the
boy has long since grown TO maturity.
A resident Of Sugar Bottom. who. while
drunk one night. fell Into the canal. is
still introduced as Commodore. ana a
man from Rockets who won the drinks
once in wager that he could not repeat
the Lords Prayer, is TO this day called
Bishop"
Several habitues Of the Police Court who
have not been known TO work .oG years,
and who do not really seem 10 be able
to control themselves. are known as
Boss" and fellow who decided a foot
race around the Capitol Square tho day
the fence was put up. is respectfully "a
luted as Judge whenever he appears
in society.
The prOps'etorship OF n hotel or res
taurant of course involves the title OF
Colonel and "a membership OF anything.
from the City Council up 10 debating So
ciety. fastens with fearful fate the Dseu-
donym of Senator Time has separat-
Cd the dividing lines Of military duty. ana
our hearts 50 sympathize with our sol
diers that distinctions disappear like the
mists Of the morning, and generals, colo
nels. and majors are found in profusion.
OF course, there is no harm In All this,
and but few men would notice H. but JUS
tice John is an observant man. and few
days ago. when a prisoner at the bar
smiled and called him "Capn," he was
mad and he told the man., in the privacy
OF his Office, the following CLASSICAL
story:
"Aristarchus," said he twas a great
Athenian Joker. Indeed so irresistible was
his inclination TO jest that he would cali
politicians. railroad ticket agents, and
theatrical managers. colonel. or general.
or Judge. and then laugh in great glee at
his own wit.
"Aristarchus," continued Justice John,
founded the school Of wit, and even
to-day we find some Of his pupils abroad
I'm the land. but they can't work me,
and l want you TO listen TO the end OF
this story"
"Aristarchus one day was losfng on
the corner. and he espied Brutus coming
al xxsif ful
great chance for the Joker so, giving the
wink TO a few Of his Athenian gillies. he
hollered out, Hello. Judgew and imme-
diately burst into a guffaw that brought
on a spasm. and he died right there on
the sidewalk. in the midst Of his merri-
ment. Now, will you be good?" asked
Justice John. as he walked away, without
telling what Brutus was doing in Athens.
TURNIPS CAN GO TO JAIL.
"You can't get blood out Of turnips.
Judge" was the reply made 10 Justice
John by Charles Mitchell. who, with John
Price. was charged with being a suspi-
cious character. and could pay no fine.
"Oh, i know that well enough replied
Missioner. merrly, but 1 can send turnps
TO Jail. just the same; take thirty days
each" and so the first case on the docket
was decided.
James Boiling (coloredD was charged
with beating and choking his wife, Kittie
Boiling. The woman began the same
old old story right away. She was not
hurt much: IL was really her fault, she
"s'posed": but Jim was drinking a little,
and she got mad, and he didn't mean to
hurt her, and he was all right now, ana
she was sorry. and she did not want him
punished. after all.
Just then, encouraged by Kittie's words,
a young man arose whom the Justice
knew. He said: your Honor, l have
worked right by the side Of this man for
three years: and he's all right"
Worked by you for three years." said
Justice John; '.Vell no wonder lie is as
bad as he Is. fine you SlO." The young
man was squelched. and down ne sat.
Boiling pulled out s.. and Kittie pulled
out her purse, and with an appealing
look. handed another five to Sergeant
Thomas. The Sergeant held the ten a
moment: then said 10 Justice John:
"This woman worked at my house for
three years, and she is good woman;
but she has got very bad temper, and
you ought not 10 fine this man"
The pen dropped from the hands OF
Justice John. his glasses tumbled on bis
nose, and his gavel fell from his relaxed
grasp 10 the floor
Good gracious. Sergeant" cried tbo
Justice. III she stood you for three wears.
she must have a terrible temper now.
and you want to give up that zen already
IN your hands and these hard times. too
My, my; what arc we coming to-.
Well, give IL back then" said Justice
John, as he gathered up his implements
of war; so on home" and Jim and Kittie
left, amid the laughter of the crowd.
OTHER CASES.
John Walters is brlght-Iooking white
boy of about twelve years. He has a
freckled face. rudy cheeks. and black
eyes. that sparkle with all of the innate
misunderstanding froiics Of a healthy bow.
There Is nothii.. Of bad or malicious
tlnge about the lad, and he was CHARGED
with beating or assaulting Edwin Digs,
who is only four years old.
Mrs. Bette Lafont OF No. 22) Laurel
street, is the grandmother Of little Edwin
Digs, and the alleged assault was made
while Edwin and his grandmother were
walking on the street The natural So
llcitude OF the grandmother for her charge
prompted her In thinking that John Wal.
ters had Intentionally knocked her little
grandson down. but john and his three
companions testified that they were walk.
ing down the street with their arms
around each other and that I'm passing
between Mrs. Lafont and tho child. the
latter was unavodabiy pushed over. The
case was dismissed.
Joseph Mayo (cOlored) was charged with
being drunk and beating his WIFE Betty
Mayo. Mayo was a picture 10 behold In
court. for in making the arrest the Of
fcer had been compelled 10 use his club