The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1896-05-03

-..s II heaven as consisting principally
rf never-ending music and summer
weather. The writer of that hymn never
lived in New York. Summer weather in
NaU York means sun on both sides Of
-r. street: IL means absolutely no getting
sQ-av from the fiery rays. and il means
General depravity. The only reason why
very one of US doesn't kill his ne.ghbor
during the hot days is because some exer-
tt1n would be required, and then, too
ia. blood would look hot. That is the
o7lv why-for. When the thermometer is
M % in the shade every man is every
mans enemy, and every woman hates ev-
.-v woman with an intensity that can
only be appreciated by Satan.
The messenger boy who answers your
c5u has his cap cooked on the back OF his
faed and exudes heat. He quarrels with
,al about the tariff, and presents OF
ORANGES or apples have no effect on him.
rr- hook may say one thing, but he says
,ro-her: and he is grumpy and disagree
.rra doubts your being perfect lazy,
and fully believes that the place OF pun
i-hment intended for people who want er-
r,ras run is Hot. spelled with a capital
II The elderly lady who walks Broad
vav with a tiny black silk parasol be-
tween her and the sunshine, won
5sr- that she feels so wicked
Her broad back is covered with
black alpaca; and all black ma
earials absolutely seduce sun rays 10 come
and rest upon them. She wears mitts' ana
goes into the big shops, retires to the Ia
dies parlor. so that she may have an OPP
rortunity to use her starch bag. She does
mot believe in "boughten powder her
mode of preparing the cooling stuff Is TO
bang the starch with a pOtato-masher' uh-
III it is a fine powder, and pour fIorlua
wafer over it, and then. when it is dry, put
it in a flannel bag. This is her reIuge IN
trouble When the perspirauon streams
down her face, she stops the HquI9
warmth by dabs with the starch bag, ah9
she looks, after she mas useu w go g.? -
bag without a mirror, ike a STUDY an iCu
and white the red undertaking the Wh-le'
while the white rapidly becomes luHipy'
She would lose her complexion altoS0 . .Ilitt
but when she gets nome, lIhp, az " - -
no faith in anything, with douDl even q. a.
TO The truth of the Westminster SdIe-
chism. she takes cup of hot tea 70 DIace
6ar m. this brings about a profuse pers-
piration, a perspiratlon Wnlcn anlG anu IN -
Il rain-storm, and the dear oiu sOul - ~
ed mentally and morally, Wnlle she ullPS.
Weather affects the temper OF llle ele' - a.;
bow. Yesterday he was deeply interested III
q novel called The Queen OF h9p.es' ..
Who Was She?" But to-day ne does noV
rsre a Continental dam q spell II with
out the II, he spells it WITH weather sne
was a typewriter or manicure, DuL ne ts
knows he hates everybody. lie WONDERS II
here is a hereafter He thinks he is get
ting his taste of it now, riding up ana
down in a hall room by the power o.
steam. Civility and he are unKhoWn yuaIi
fies He wonders why ne was ever born
and why if he had to be BORN ne was io G
enough to be born in a country WheIe INC
weather man gives you August neat II
APRIL and March winds in July. You can |
tip him into pleasantness. Ihe neat mas
affected him so that all ne hopes 1oI a q
sudden disappearance OF nlmselI INTO thS
n0efica1 wave that washes the shores, and
makes one acquainted with the dlTt tIal
comes from New York 10 Cohey lslanu u =
He despises the girl that went up IN the
o1l1yator n little while ago. She looked
cool He heard her telling her sister her
1oetbod for keeping cool, and he wondered
Nov II would work if she had TO wear
bSavv blue cloth clothes with gold braid
ind gold buttons on them. she SAID: i
first take a very hot bath ana Ihen, dlter
tbe nsuaI driving process, l powder my
self well with the very best trench pow
der No, no starch for me. Then put
ON the lightest of underwear, a SILK skirt
and a shirt waist. L am wise enough 70
have a sensible waist measurement, 1t Is
twenty-four, bye-the-bye, and so / am not
drawing a belt in and making my race
as red as possible. 1t always amuses me
to think about the women who lace; the
judgment is so certain and so sure. They
not only get red faces, but they get red
noses, ana the red of their nose is the
kind that comes to stay. Oh, anybody can
be cool if they want tor 1t was only the
electrOcution, that beastly effect that pre-
vented the elevator boy from killing her
outright for everybody cannot be cool.
Talk about women being slaves of fash
ion-that's nonsense. Poor, benighted
man doesn't dare put on a straw hat, no
matter how hot the weather is, until
certain date has come about And the
consequence is that poor, benighted man
is hot. Hot with vengeance Hot as
the honest worker in a melodrama. Hot
in such a way that he makes everybody in
a
wonder what is the matter with father.
This is the matter. As father is fool,
like most other men, he does not suit his
clothes to the thermometer, and ne is
wearing a stiff shirt, heavy Watstcoat,
equally heavy trousers, an ordinary win
ter coat and a high silk hat. And that he
doesn't turn into a grease spot is only be-
cause the gentleman who reigns in the
regions down below has other little terrors
The woman Of fashion doesn't have an
easy time when the hot days come. She
must live up to her reputation Tor line
DRESSING and ii doesn't please hcr when
ghe realizes that drops Of water, those
little drops so amecuonatei} sung ABOUT,
are slowly but surely traVeilnS over her
cheeks, and making rather a confused
mess of the rouge and the powder and
the blue lines that she has so carefully
arranged She doesn't look well unless
she has a few soft curls on her Iorened9'
and no matter how closely they are curled,
this peculiar weather (decency compels
me to call it by no stronger name) KNOCKS
arranged. Stiff collars will grow limp,
satin stocks lose all their dignity, and
frills of lace have droopy look that is
demoralizing. The woman of fashion pre-
will tell You who are to be pitied these
hot days-the babies. The poor little
mites are swathed in flannel and folded in
huge cloaks, not allowed to hear because
of thick silk caps, and not allowed to
breathe because of thick lace wells. Those
baby lips would so like sip Of water, and
they cannot ask for 1t. If they cry, nine
times out of ten they are banged on the
back and jolted up and down until they
are almost ready for infantile insane
asylums. If they fairly yell in their de-
sire for a cooling drink, nine more times
out of the proverbial ten, the end of
long black tube is poked in their mouths.
and they suck up q liquid that is halt
warm and half sour, and bound to bring
pains where pains are most unpleasant to
a baby. Nobody ever thinks a baby is
thirsty except for food; nobody ever thinks
mat when the thermometer is at ninety,
lhfee flannel petticoats are too much for
even baby. Do you suppose that baby
i.hes to have its lower flannel petticoat
I4Dped over and buttoned 50 that il dOesn' I
control its legs? l wish a society for the