Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1896-04-09

To strike his intellect as funny;
At first he paid her compliments,
And now he pays her alimony.
Judge.
He-'T would kise you II thought no
one would see me-" She-"Shall I
close my eyes?'-Woonsocket Reporter.
Clara-"Mr. Nicefello said my face
was classic. What Is classicY Dora
"Oh, most anything old."-Good News.
"Have those people In the other nat
been married long" II think not; he
takes maps on her best silk pillows
Chicago Record.
Scientists say now that handshak-
ing conveys disease" "Of course;
that's the way the grip got started
Louisville Courier-Journal
Miss Flora lin pair Of stupendous
sleeves)-"How do l look. NedY Ned
apturously)-"You're simply unap-
proachable. Boston Transcript.
There comes a sadness cen with spring.
When gentle zephyrs blow,
For though the violet twill bring,
The buckwheat cake must go.
Washington Star
Dashaway-"I have an idea that Mrs.
Hightoner has asked me to dinner In
order to fill up" ClevertOn-'That
what we are all going for, old man.
Life.
YES" said the cornfed philosopher,
ut is not 50 difficult to get something
for nothing, but when one gets It 1t H.
not worth the price."-Indianapolis
Journal.
The Sheriff-"YOu say that fellow
who broke jail left message behindw
The Keeper-"Yes, sir; here 1t Is on
this Excuse the liberty take!"
TRUTH.
"'Tis hard to be POOR" sang the poet
As his mantle about him he furled;
So he sang but well did he know it
Is the easiest thing in the world.
Life.
I'm sorry stole the preserves, ma"
"Ah, your conscience is troubling you,
is itT' II don't know exactly. Where
is my conscience, ma T"-Yonkers
Statesman.
Gen. Pompuss-'T am to speak at
banquet tonight and / want you
to write my speech for me-" Scribe
-"What do you take nae fora gasfit-
terY'-Truth.
81 shore does hope" said Uncle Nose,
dat dey will git dis heah new photo
graph trick so fine by summer dat man
kin tell wedder melon is ripe."-Indian-
apolis Journal.
The Married One-"Can you imagine
anything worse than marriage with
out lover" The Unmarried One-"Yes,
think I can. Love without marriage,
for instance"-Life.
The air bears hints of springtide joy,
The sun asserts itself once more;
The torpid footed message boy
At last has learned to shut the door.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Fannie-I have told You again and
again not to speak when older persons
were talking, but wait until they stop.
'T've tried that already, mamma. They
never stop."-Woonsocket Reporter.
"Did you go into society in Philadel-
phiaY "Yes." And how did they kill
time there?" "They don't kill 1t. They
Just sit down and wait for 1t to die
natural death. "-Washington Star.
Grace-I must refuse him, poor fell
low, but wish 1 could do something
to lessen the pain of 1t. Maud-Get
some one to tell him that you haven't
as much money as he thinks you have.
Brooklyn Life.
Julia-Louise showed me those beau
tiful landscapes. She says she had
no trouble at all painting them. Mabel
No. All she had to do was 10 sign
her name after her teacher finished
them.-Brooklyn Life.
Sprinkle ashes on the pavement,
Keep the quinine bottle near,
Wear your ulster and your rubbers,
For the gentle spring is here.
Philadelphia Record.
Fuddy (hesitating to put his umbrel-
la IN the rack)-Isn't there danger Of
somebody taking the wrong umbrella
by mistake? Duddy-Wrong umbrellas
are never taken by mistake.-Boston
Transcript.
1--WE have some very fine Roentgen
sdiua unG osticSiudn. nOeut>
gen paintingsY exclaimed the custom
err. 81 didn't know there was anything
by that name In the line Of art" ''Well,
we used to call them interior views or
enes."-Chicago Evening Post. -
] IT do not see," she said, with great
severity, "hOw 1t would be possible to
add to the unsightliness Of bl0omers."
And the little wheelwoman contentedi
herself with innocently remarking:
perhaps yoa are prejudiced. Did you
ever try them ony'-Washington Star.
Brown-Iust had talk with Thump-
mann, the pianist. He says that In the
early part of his career the critics as
sailed him without mercy. Robinson
Must have been discouraging. Brown
1t was. At one time he was ON the
point Of having his hair cut.-Broele
Ign Life.
She held daisy in her hand
And plucked its petals one by oae:
As fair a picture was she then
As e'er was shone on by the son.
The rude young man, who, unawares.
Approached her nearly had q 1T,
To hear her roseleaf lips enun-
Ciate-"He loves me--loves me nitr'
Indianapolis News.