The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1896-04-07
A THEATER HAT.

VINO seated D6rS6lI IN the chair 4mI6C4
asely in front Of mine. And then I saw
with stupefaotion that she wore upon he1
head q curious sort of hat cooked down Il
front and cooked up behind, garnisheo
with flowers, with vegetables, with shrubs
in fact, a veritable garden AS she had
cooked her cooked hat over her eyes, it re
suited that the rear Of this vegetable gar
den lowered above the top of her blond
ohlgnon so that could see M more Of the
stage than If had been in far Cathay.
The bell rang; the curtain rose; heard
voices-presumably Of aotors-but it wai
impossible for me to tell. At the risk Of
acquiring a telescope neck leaned to the
right then to the left. But I had not
counted on the balloon sleeves of tbs
blond which were perfect monsters Of
swollen silk and which masked com pletely
both wings Of the stage as her hat did the
middle.
Holy smokel'' said I to my friend,
"that hat is going to be rather a nuisance.
The blond lady heard me. She turned
slightly, put up her lOrgnOn and surveyed
me with the utmost haughtiness. Then
Struggling her shoulders, she pulled up hel
sleeves so that it was impossible for me tt
see even the prOscenium arch. Then she
braced up her feet against the chair IL
front and hoisted herself up few inches
50 that by this gymnastic feat she succeeded
in elevating her vegetable garden even
more than before.
In a melancholy tone I said to Cmythe-
cit seems to me would have been better
of If I had stayed at the club and toasted
my toes in the cafe in front Of the fire.
would not have been inoOmmOded or dis
cOmmOded, and I would have seen fully as
much Of this piece as I am seeing now.
Hearing this, the blond lady turned
around once more and favored me with
the most sneering smile that have even
seen. 1t provoked me, and determined
to give her a lesson if I could.
Seated Immediately in front Of the
blond lady was a very little man who
looked like a hunchback, his head was SC
sunken between his shoulders. I looked
at him carefully. He had the appearance
of being a deadhead, owing to his rather
shabby attire I tapped him on the shout
der and asked him if he would go out with
me between the acts for a few minutes.
When we were outside, 1 SAID to him;
my dear sir, have q particular inter
est in occupying your chair, No. 48. II
you viii pardon the liberty take, would
like to give you this trihe'' q slipped a So
piece into his handy land in exchange ]
would like to have your seat, and you may
have mine, No. o.
The little mans face lighted up with
pleasure. He slipped my So piece into his
waistcoat pocket and said: '' Certainly, my
dear sir. You are very good. I will take
your seat, with pleasure.
Thus was I placed in possession Of seat
48. Now I could see the stage, but still I
was not revenged. My first idea was to
install myself there, wearing my own high
hat, but I reflected that this manifestation
might not be understood, would seem dis
courteous to the actors and that would
be forced to take it of. Suddenly an idea
flashed across my mind-an inspiration. I
left the .theater and walked a block OF two
until 1 came to a miIIiner's shop I en-
tered and demanded of the saleswoman to
sell me a hat-the most gigantic, the most
arboriferOUs, the most pyramidal hat she
had. She opened a drawer and exhibited
to me a monument in black felt, with an
enormous knob of black velvet upon It's
top, and on top Of the black felt knob
puff of black flowers, extremely high.
Without haggling I paid her the price,
and swiftly returned to the theater.
To the stupefaction Of Cmythe who was
still seated in his chair, No. so, seated
myself in No. A. Immediately before the
blond lady with the big hat and then,
with a perfectly serious cOuntenance,
placed upon my head the black velvet
monument do not know what sort of
q figure I cut with my long mustaches
under the velvet hat, but if bomb had
burst in the orchestra it would not have
produced a greater effect. Explanations
came from every direction, and people
elm bed upon their seats to see me, amid
roars of laughter.
The men-poor wretohes, they do stand
together once in a while-understoOd the
motive of my protest and cried: Bravo
Bravol He is right" while the agitated
Cmythe screamed to mo across the blond
ladys balloon sleeves, why, old man, you
are going crazy" None the less I re-
NAMED impressive in the midst of the
tempest which 1 had let loose. But the
usual reverse came. Two ushers, after
consultation, came to me and politely beg
ged me to take of my hat. " Certainly"
said /, IF you Will make this lady take of
hers 80 This response provoked the utmost
enthusiasm from the men. But the ushers
would not listen to reason and they made
me leave my seat.
The lady with the vegetable garden tri-
umphed. but not for long Looking up
toward the family circle I saw a eolored
daInsel wearing small turban. mounted
to the circle. 1 went to the colored lady.
Pardon me-" said 1, "but I have just
purchased a hat which cost me $l5 only
quarter of an hour ago" I exhibited the
black velvet monument and the colOred
lady's eyes bulged out in amazemenU and
admiration.
"And what about it?'' said she
Nothing but this: 1t is yours if you
will do me the favor to occupy my seat in |
the orchestra, No. 4s, until the play is
over.
In a second she swept off the little tur-
ban which she wore, placed the black vel
vet monument upon her head, gave it two
or three taps before the mirror in the lobby,
shook out her skirts and then taking my
arm I conducted her to orchestra chair
No. 4s.
Oh, if you had only seen the conclusive /
Joy among the men in the orchestra when /
they saw my monumental hat reappear /
upon a feminine head. This time the
ushers had nothing to say. The lady with
the vegetable garden was vanquished. !
She could see nothing during the rest Of
the piece and served as a focus from opera |