Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1896-05-23
FROM THE ARIZONA KICKER

Selections Made f6f Hhe Star by NJ. Quad
Wednesday EVENING last Mrs. General
Beechem gave an "at home in order to
show off a forey-dollar dress she has
lately received from Chicago, and as she
had her invitations printed at the office
OF, our. esteemed contemporary, she felt
under obligations to include him in the
list. How the BIZ critter ever worked up
nerve enough 70 attend is mystery to
US, as the only society he is used to is
that of Sing Lung, his Chinese laundry
man, and his oif bob-taied dog. In pay
ing his respects to the hostess he fell over
50 gilt chair and broke it to pieces, and
in swallowing "a glass of punch he got
some of the lfGuid down the wrong way
and almost coughed his blamed old head
on Later in the evening he wiped his
chin on window curtain and broke the
glasses with his elbow. AS a grand cul!ni-
nation he called Major Shorter liar and
was hung outdoors in the mud. Mrs
beechems embarrassment and veXatfo1
could not be concealed, but she has only
herself to blame. A blooming old cadayer.
VINO never even attended a dog fight or
spelling school, can't be expected to mingle
in heightened society and make much of a
success of it.
Not With the Kicker.
At late hour Tuesday evening we We're
called up by telephone from Bakers Bend
10 give information regarding stranger
VINO was about to be hung by the vigilance
committee. He was described as one
eyed man with stiff knee and an old
navy revolver, and had been caught in
the act OF stealing a cayuse tied to a post
III the village The man claimed TO be our
AGRICULTURAL editor out on a hunt for new
species of grasseS and he appeared so
earnest and truthful that the committee
telephoned to find out about IT, AS We
Knew our agricultural editor to be in the
baid Eagle poker rooms at that very mo-
ment hunting for aces instead of grasses,
we were Obliged to answer that the stran-
ger was an impostor. He was allowed
10 step to the telephone and call us a liar,
but we received his compliments more in
sorrow than in anger. Ten minutes after
MS words reached us he was hanging up
ana down and taking no further interest
IN horses and agriculture. Our thanks are
due the committee, and we trust that 1t
may be their luck to put us under further
obligations.
A Grand Success.
The Booth Dramatic Association left here
Friday neon for the railroad and Califor-
mia loaded down with money. The two
night performance was the Grandest
cess OF the season, and We rather pride
ourselves that we were the cause Of 1t.
When the manager arrived here we sat
down with him and told him what would
l
OF this town. He was sensible enough 10
see the point and to cater to the idioms
OIL theater goers. and everything passed OF
as smooth as busted bari Of moasses
instead OF running the tragedy of Ham
let. as was contemplated. the company
gave us a mixture of Hamlet, Uncle Toms
Cabin. Lady Audley's Secret Buffalo Bill,
the Merchant of Venice. the Robbers
Roost and Blue and Gray. There were
heroism. love, villainy. clog dancing. songs,
Indian tights, abductionS and lots of other
things nicely mixed together. and those
who had come with two guns prepared to
shoot were so captfvated and carried away
that they fired silver dollars instead of
bullets among the actors. We do not
plume ourselves on being theatrical
critic. but we do know what will make a
go or II IN this town, and we stand ready
to extend our fatherly advice to other
managers. II
He Returned.
Mr.. John Hopkins, the well-known and
highly esteemed banker at Pine Hill ar
rived in town Wednesday morning on a
visit TO his aged mother. He had scarcely
clasped her to his manly breast and taken
a drink at the White Dog saloon when
sixteen citizens of the Hill appeared and
demanded an interview with him. 1t seems
he lad left Pine Hill without saying any
thing to anybody, and had only placed $3.50
on the counter. for his cashier to do bus
mess with for the day AS soon as this
cited and held mass meeting and the
result was that sixteen delegates were
sent out to overhaul Mr.. Hopkins He
could have explained matters to their SAT-
isfaction no doubt but they were so earn
est about II that he decided to return with
them and make public speech. Next day
we got word that everything was lovely.
While Mr.. Hopkins had no idea of leaving
the country, and only had ten dollars in
cash with him, the public cannot be
blamed for being bit over-zealous Moth
ing but a square deal goes.
1t Must Stop.
This town is lighted at night by six
kerosene lamps. and old Jim uewson and
his crowd get together regularly at
o'clock every evening and shoot the six
lamps into the middle Of the next day
This has been going on for about four
weeks. much to the annoyance of citizens
and the financial damage of the town
treasury. His honor. the mayor (who is
ourself), gives public notice that from and
after this evening he and the city marshal
will be abroad after lamp-light, and any
found popping at the public lamps may
look out for a pop in return.
Friday morning a half-breed named Joe
Chin found dead in the road a mile
west Of town, and a coroner'S investiga-
ton revealed the fact that he had drank
the contents of a two-Quart jug contain
ing horse medicine. Joe Chin is the cr.itter
who stole and ate five pounds of roller
composition belonging to the Kicker office
1t gave him cramps for three or four
days, but he eventually berame frisky
again. One of the ingredients of the medi-
cine was anthony, but it took the full
two quarts to make Joe lay down. He was
the biggest thief and liar for a hundred
miles around, and no one will regret his
taking off. Why the vigilance committee
didn't hang him long ago is matter to be
wondered over, though it may be that the
shortness Of his neck had something to
do with it. 1t could not have been brok-
en- by anything else less than a fall of
fifty feet. 1t is use hoping Jun Is with
the angels. He's gone where it would burn
the feathers of angels wings like dry grass
SHOULD ROUGH IT.