Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1896-04-30
AN IMPECUNIOUS ONE.
THE SOLD GAME OF BLUFF He PLAYED
ON TIE CONDUCTOR.

He Was rsot Gambler or q Drummer,
but Bank Clerb According to the
Nan Who Tells the story. he ought to
BE an Aeter-0h 1t Was wiezedi
He sat in a hotel smoking room. The
an was blue. but men were happy
bappy and reminiscent. He stretched
out his legs, thrust his hands deep into
his pockets. and between the pnffs spun
this yarn:
For dead cold, icy nerve / had al
ways thought we travelling men took the
cake. But the prettiest game of bluff
ever saw was put up by man who was
neither drummer nor reporter, bat
merely an overworked bank clerk who
had applied for a leave of absence and
gone south TO recuperate He had drawn
a certain sum for the trip and resolved
not to exceed it. Foohshly he had neg
lected TO buy an excursion ticket, argu-
ing that he might want to return by a
different route. Aud then, as matter
of course, he foand that he had spent his
money not wisely but too we'll, so that
he was hundreds of miles from home,
ricketless and friendless and we'll nigh
penniless. His checkbook was useless,
for no one knew him and he must be
identified.
"All this learned later on. Ny ac-
quaintance with him began on the train
of one of the southern roads, when he
asked me TO stake him enough to see
him home. / had already been touched
several times that trip, so, expressing ev-
cry confidence in his probity, l declined
the honor he would do me. He tried
several other passengers with a like re-
suit Then he gave it up, but made as
all promise not to interfere with any
game he tried to play
Presently the conductor came along.
The impecunious one, his hat cooked
over one eye, was peacefully sleeping in
one corner of his seat, leaning toward
an open window. The conductor shook
him, gently at first, so that he stirred,
and his hat dropped farther over his
eye. but he did not wake. Then more
roughly, saying, Come. sir, your ticket,
please.
AT that the impeculious one awoke
with a big start. His hat flew out of the
window, and he flew into great rage
He swore at the conductor and abused
him up and down, him and his fore
fathers unto the third and fourth gener-
alton What did he mean by waking
him in that way? Didn't he know that
rest was invaluable to an invalid? That
such a sudden, rude awakening might be
fatal to weak heart? We're his nerves
of no account? And now be had lost his
hat and would catch cold. It was out
rageous.
''The conductor bowed before the
storm, and when it had somewhat abat-
ed offered to replace the hat at the first
stopping place. And now, sir, let me
see your ticket, please.
''The impecunious one felt in all his
pockets, went through them all again
with bewildered air. Finally he broke
oct: Why, you idiot, you, all my tick
cts, not only on this road, but straight
through to Chicago, were in the lining
of my hat, and you knocked it ont of
the window. I'm in a pretty pickle
now. / haven't enough with me to buy
a fresh set This piece of idiocy will
cost You your job. I'll report you to the
company and teach you to be more care
full how you startle nervous man.
1.-THE conductor tried to soothe him,
offered to take him through to the end
of the division. But the impecunious
one would not be appeased. Much good
| it would do him to be landed in some
little nearby. one horse southern town
hundreds of miles from nowhere He
wanted TO get through to Chicago. He
must get through. He had an appoint
ment there that was worth thousands Of
dollars. Finally the conductor, by this
time badly frightened, promised to get
| him tickets or passes all the way
through, and the impecunious one sub
sided. And to the end of that road the
conductor, having replaced the dear de-
parted hat, maintained an humbly apol-
| ogetic tone that would have wrung tears
of blood from stone.
And it was only bluff all SO well
carried out that the conductor was
| completely taken in, and the rest of us
rubbed our eyes and wondered whether
the impecunious ones attempt to touch
rs was not. after all, dream.
Later on, travelling over that same
road, told the conductor how he had
been worked. And he said he knew it,
for shortly after that trip he had receiv-
ed letter and check, the former con-
Tossing the fraud, the latter paying him
the full price of the passage. And he
added That fellow was genius. If he
had made fuss at first about his tick
cts, I'd have been on to him in min
nte, but his tickets were forgotten IL
was his nerves, his health, lis heart, his
hat that We're Of Importance. And to
think that he bad 10 nerves, o. health,
Or hat-or heart. Oh, i was wicked
But that man has missed his vocation.
BE ought fo 10 "a the Stage '-Chica
go Tribune
Little Isit TASTY.