The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1896-03-21
AN ESSAY ON "STOvEPIPES.n
A Form Of Head Covering With Neither
Excuse Nor Explanation.

Excuse Nor Explanation.
The tall, cylindrical hat is perhaps
the most hideous, the most uncom
Portable, the most inconvenient, the
most perishable and the most tena-
cious of all articles of headgear
known to history.
Dur male ancestors wore odd and
unhandsome things-shoes whose
prolonged tips were attached to the
knees, rufus about four feet in diam
eter, tights of incredible tightness,
etc.--but these foolish fashionsnever
lasted long. Men wearied of them
or were laughed or preached out of
them. But the tall hat sits as tight
and externally as Theseus on the hu-
man skull. Like the corset on wom-
an, and far less excusably, it seems
to be a permanent institution.
True, we are emancipated
than our sires, who played golf, and
even cricket, in orthodox tall hats.
Advanced thinkers wear deer stalk
ing caps, round cloth caps, socialist
or Bible reader fiat shaped soft black
felt things, and the Tyrolean or
Monte Carlo hat, which a lady de-
scribed as more brigand than social
list. In the country tall hats are little
worn now, except by elderly physi-
clans and solicitors.
Thus there are seeming tokens of
the decline of the tall hat, but if
holds it's own firmly in London and
Paris. All eminent statesman wears
his mostly in his hand, to cool his
intellectual brow; still he wears it.
Few persons who do not positively
pose as "enemies of society," or
friends of the people" {terms curl
ously Interchangeable have the
courage to wear any other headgear
in town, even at Lords Yet no NOR
tai has a good word for the tall hat,
except doctors who carry stctho-
scopes in theirs.
Even in church the tall hat is a
nuisance, and gets bruised and dusty.
In a drawing room it is a source of
embarrassment or a refuge of shy
ness 1t is hard to keep on the head
in a wind, and when it is blown off,
it flies before the gale like a ship at
sea. Its II aesthetic merit, if it has
one, glossiness, is out of place and
fugitive.
Tall hats ara so alike that they are
often changed at clubs. So evanes.
cent are the glories of the topper
that a self respecting person ought
to have a new one every day. The
wretched cylinder heats the brows
and produces badness. In brief, the
tall hat has a thousand faults and
not a single redeeming virtue. It is
a badge of class, but not a pictur-
esque badge, like the sword.
Our modern hats are fearfully and
wonderfully made of fine twill mus
lin or calico, stiffened with shellac.
The black shiny outside cannot be
made in England, and is procured
from France. The processes of max
ing up require very skillful work
manship. They T. difficult, and we
may wish, with Dr.. Johnson, that
they II impossible. But what
would matters do if hats went out?
The popular belief in their lunacy is
not accounted for, and the Folk
lore society might examine the an
tiquity and origin of the supersti-
ton. Hats are among our articles of
export, and it is odd that nations
which do not even make them should
wear them. However, we ought not
to grumble at a singular and to us a
profitable alteration. If the original
halter who invented the tall hat was
insane Gas tradition indicates and
reason suggests), his delirium has
been catching. Few can throw tho
first stone at the halter, and, indeed,
we presume that he seldom wears
his own hats. -London News.