The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1896-10-17
DINNER-GIvINo ETIQUETTE.
Points to Be Observed by Both Hostess
and Guest.


and Guest.
The dinner is the most important of
social ceremonies. 1t is a function, an
observance, n solemnity, the most fiat
tering form of entertainment that can
be offered to q guest; and as such it
should be duly respected and appre-
ciated. The art of giving dinners that
are at once dignified, delightful and dis
tinguished, is n rare one, yet it is possi-
BILE to achieve it with a mere expendi-
ture of time and pains so well laid out
that it is marvel that such dinners are
the exception and not the rule among
US. AS a rule, the dinner is regarded
as an affair of reciprocity, and people
who do not give dinners themselves are
but seldom asked to dine, except in the
case of stray girls or bachelors, asked
chiefly to stop gap. Dinner-giving is
about the most costly form of hospital
ity when it is largely indulged in, and
people who cannot give dinners as they
should be given had much better not at
tempt them at all, but confine them
selves to less formal entertainments of
dances, lunchcons, breakfasts and ordi-
nary "At Homes" The dinner is the
one social function in which the host
plays as important a part as the hostess.
His name appears with hers on the in
vitations, and he dispenses hospitality
in the same active measure as herself.
But though modern custom has robbed
his post of much of its ancient glory
in the way of carving heavy dishes and
passing wine, he is still the holder of the
foot of the table with all the dignity
which that position entails.
The length of dinner invitation
varies with the size and Importance OF
the dinner. For large and ceremoni-
ous one two weeks notice is required,
and this notice is sometimes extended
to double that time. For small and in
formal dinners, from five to ten days
notice is sufficient. Printed cards my
be used, on which blanks are left for
the names of the host, hostess and
guests; data, address and hour. These
cards are, as a rule, only used when the
dinner is one of ceremony. Invitations
to small dinners are generally written,
and vary in friendliness with the in
formality of the entertainment. They
are written in the third person, if it is
friendly and improrlptu matter. In
any case, whether the invitation be
friendly or formal, it should be an
swered within "a hours after it has been
received. Dinner-giving is unlike any
other species of entertainment in that
1t Is all-important to have certain
number of guests to count upon and to
select them with discretion. It's neces-
sary to allow a hostess ample time to
invite other guests to fill the places of
any who may disappoint her. An invi-
tation to dinner, it has been said, is
issued in the joint names of host and
hostess, though, of course, the hostess
writes the note, if a note conveys it.
The answer must be addressed to her,
though the hosts name is mentioned
in accepting or regretting. The invita-
ton may be sent and answered either
by post or by the hand of a servant.
Some people nre perpetually invited
out to dine, not because they give many
dinners in return, but because they are
recognized as good dinner guests. They
are generally provided with plenty of
light small talk and the gossip of the
day; are pleasant, popular and gifted
with that tact which is one of the rarest,
as 1t is one of the most valuable, of pos
session. There are others who must be
asked as n duty, on account of the din
ners they themselves give, and who vex
the righteous soul of a hostess so often
as she has TO include their names among
the list of her guests. She knows very
we'll that their mere presence will call
for a mighty effort to keep the whole
dinner from being "a FROST" and that
they will probably outweigh all her eff
-DbiIo6aInhia TaIa0raun