Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1896-04-22

10 draw attention TO the man SpIen-
did appearance he turned to him and
said:
What PART @ Scotland do you come
| from, my man."
With punctilious salute the reply
was:
''Tipperary, yer honor!''
The ticket-checkers at a railway sta
ton not far from Edinburgh considering
t &! 191 YES very smart, were cordially
diSliked by the travelling public.
In revenge for some previous incivil-
ity, a traveller, on the familiar call of
Tickets, please beamingly asked the
| collector if he'd take Il nip"
After scanning the platform to see if
the coast was clear, the victim cordially
assented; whereupon the traveller, hand
ing him the familiar piece of pasteboard,
remarked: Take it cot O that, them
The vicious slam of the carriage door
| inadequately represented the collectors
feelings.
E. A. Sothern. the actor, once bet
simpleton in Albany that he would throw
him over the narrow part of the Hudson
! river. The man was foolish enough to
take the bet.
A large crowd went down to see the
performance, and Sothern, with great
! composure. Selling the man by the nape
| of the neck and the slack of his trous-
ers, pitched him about six feet into the
river
The green one came out putting and
blowing. saying:
You've lost your bet
III be hanged if | have" said
! Sothern. L only wanted to get some
idea OF your weight. and III throw all
day till I get you over!
The man, however, had already had
one throw too much, and declined to
| have any more.
An inventory was being taken of an
old 1rishwomans farmyard stock, and
the inspector. coming to the end Of the
list. summed up by asking:
Have you any more pigs, or quad
rupeds of any kind?'
The old lady replied:
'Arrah! divyle a quadruped in the
whole place barrin' two ould hins
! (hensE"
There are doctors and doctors. but one
of the most intelligent Of all these
friends of humanity was one who had
the courage recently to give bit Of adj
vice to the head of a family not many
miles from Norwich. The head of the
! family was robust but eXacting, healthy
but irritable-in short, veritable dOmes-
| tic martinez.
I don't know what is the matter with
my family, DOCTOR he said "but my
wife is nervous. my children are suffer
| ing from something. l don't know what
Tin fact the whole house is upset. Even
the servants seem vacillating and Dor
! dering on nervous prostration.
I think it would be all right" said
the DOCTOR IF you were to take six
months holiday-alone
~" cried the paterfamilias. The on
| ly really healthy member of the family
YES" said the doctor gravely. you
ought to travel for the health Of your
family. London Answers.
An old farmer and his ploughman
were carting sand from the seashore adj
! They We're Immediately behind the tar
get on the rife range, but hidden by a
! bank of sand from q party of volunteers
who were then at practice.
somehow stray bullet struck, the
ploughman in the foot, who Immediate
ly dropped, exclaimino:
I'm shot
Without more ado the farmer scram-
bled up the bank, and, waving frantical
! ~ to the volunteers, shouted: Hey,
stop that! You've shot a man, and it
might have been the horsev'-London
Answers.
During one of the recent windy days
| in New York discussion arose between
some gentlemen at dinner about the
velocity of wind. Each related a boast
full story of his own experiences. One
! Of the party, hardy Westerner. said he
was once riding in a train through Kan
! SaS.
There was what is called out there a
! light breeze blowing. l had occasion to
look out of the window, and the moment
l put my head out off went my hat"
What did you do?' asked one of the
party.
Wei, gentlemen. several people told
me not to worry, that the breeze was
| strong enough to take it there. | sort
of wondered what they meant. but that
! hat was handed to me by the station
agent at our next stop, about forty miles
! from where it blew out of the window.
We came along pretty fast, tool guess
! about fifty miles an hour. But then
eighty miles an hour for wind is called
d light breeze IN that country, and the
hat went by the eighty-mile route. =
! Harper's Round Table.
She was pretty and pert. and as the
! theater train sWayed around the high
| curves of Harlem four men in dress
suits glanced at her approvingly. All
! at once she made a discovery and her
| manner let everyone into her secret. One
| of her shoes was unlaced. AT first she
made a show Of STOPPING to tie it up,
! but she was not comfortably adjusted
! for lacing her own shoes. 1t fact, it
was physical impossibility. The four
young men in dress suits saw it, and
soon were discussing the young woman's
! dilemma
III make a bluff at it, anyway" said
one of them as the train left the Fiftieth
street station. Whereupon, to the de-
light of his companions and the astonish
ment of those who hadn't observed the
situation. he arose and. kneeling at the
feet Of the fair one, he raised his hat
politely and said:
May l have the?" ETC.
Her red lips parted. showing two rows
of pearly teeth. while faint color mount
cd to her checks
IF you viii be so kind she said.
It was q mighty pretty foot, and none
! too quickly the job was done neatly and