The Houma courier. (Houma, La.) 1878-1939, 1896-07-25

in like a Reub all the time. The worst
one was the hired hand. His name was
Elias. 1 saw him up here the time of the
worlds fair, dodgin' cable cars and look
in up at the skyscrapers. He was dead
lucky to get out o. town without havin'
his clothes lifted, and, at that, 1 amt
sure he did. But down at the farm his
was the wise guy and / was the soft
mark. What do you think? The sec.
ond day / was there I goes out into the
field where they was cuttin' down the
oats with one o. them bindin' machines,
and 'Lias asked me to go back to the
barn and ask Uncle Matt if he had a
l~eft-handed monkey-wrench. How was
/ to know? 1 amt up in monkey
wrenches. Gee, / went drillin' back
to the barn through the hot sun, an
when / sprung the left-handed monkey
wrench on the uncle 1t made a horrible
hit with him. He hollered around till
/ got kind o. sore. Then he went into
the house and told them and they all
had a fit about it. But You ought o.
seen Lias when he came III at night.
He was all swelled up over the way he
throwed it into me-. He thought he
was a better comedian han Nat Good
win. He must a gone for two miles
all around tellin' that monkey-wrench
story, and a lot o. the hands used to
come W. and kid me. They'd laugh
an slap their legs and say: by Jing!'
They had me crazy. used to think it
wasn't on the square to josh a man
because he was from the country, but
don't you fool yourself, Them country
people won't do a thing to a city guy
if they. ever get him out where they
can take a good, fair crack at aim"
1T was all in fun, though, wasn't it n
asked Miller.
"Oh, sure; they thought they were
givin' me a good time. There was a kid
cousin o. mine, Rutherford Hayes
Blanckard-wolldn't that name frost
you?-that jollied me into ri0in' bare
back on one of the old peters they had
around the place. I was up In the air
most o. the time, and after / got through
ridin' maybe you think 1 wasn't sore.
That same kid took me down to the
crick to go swimmin'. Iburned the skin
off my back, got a peach of atone bruise
on my foot, and while I was in Lias am
Spencer came over an tied my clothes
and made me up for a farmer, but ]
couldn't play the part. They used to
make me try to hitch up the team withe
out anyone helpin', and then they'd ali
stand around an kid me when / made
mistakes. / didn't know a wAifHetree
from a tug. Then they had me milkin',
too. l don't know whether you're on
to it or not, but if you try to play up
to a COW on the wrong side of her she's
liable to make a sassy pass and land
the knockout blow. Well, the first night
they took me out to milk they steered
me up against the bum side of the
COW. Tn purity game myself, and I
didn't want to quit, but she was too
good for me. She kept me busy for
about five minutes, and then 1 went to
my orner and said / had enough. Say,
the whole push had been leanin' on
the fence laughin' at me till they cried.
1 guess they had more fun around that
place while / was there than they ever
had before. 1 stood it for about ten DAYS,
helpin' 'em work in the fields, gettin'
all tanned up and roundin' in to sup
per every night smellin' like a laun-,
dry, and then / kind o. figured it out
that farm life was too swift for me.
/ kind o. wanted to see the electric
lights and the tall houses again. So I
said / was goin'. They made an awful
kick for me to stay. They knew they
had a good thing. But I broke away"
"TThen you're not fond Of the coun-
try9''
TITS this way. / wouldn't mind goin'
out for awhile If l could play myself off
as company, but when it comes to bein'
one Of the family-nit, nit-"-Chicago
Record.